The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1874-01-08
Mark Twain on Woman.

Mark Twain on Woman.
On the 2O9th anniversary of st. Andrews
Dav, on Monday evening last, at the banquet
given in Freemasons' Hall, Mark Twain, who
responded for ''the ladies' made the speech
of the evening. We can give his words, but
not the infinite drollery OF his utterances' l1o
said:
am proud, indeed, of the distinction of
being chosen to respond to this especial toast,
to ''the ladies' or to women, if you please, for
that is the preferable term, perhaps; it is GER
tainly the older, and therefore the more enti-
titled to reverence. [I.aughter.] | havo no.
ticed that the Bible, with that plain, blunt
honesty which is such conspicuous character
istic Of the Scriptures, is always particular TO
never refer to even the illustrlous mother OF all
her as woman. [Laughter.] 1t is odd, but
you will find it is so. | am peculiarly proud
of this honor, because I think that the toast to
women is one which, by right and by every
rule of gallantry, should take precedence OF
all others-of the army, of the navy, Of even
ROYALTY itself, perhaps, though the latter is not
necessary in this day and in this land, TOR the
reason that, tactly, you do drink broad, gem
eral health to all good women when you drink
the health Of the Queen of England and the
Princess of Wales. Loud cheers: 1 i:1! nave IN IN
mind a poem just now, which rs familiar TO
you all, familiar to everybody. And what an
inspiration that was land how instantly the
present toast recalls the verses to our mlnds)
when the most noble, the most gracious, the
purest and sweetest of all poets says:
"Woman! woman!-er-
Tlauchter7-howcver, you remember the lines;
and you remember how feelingly, how dalntl-
ly. how almost imperceptibly the verses rise
up before you, feature by feature, the ideal OF
true and perfect woman; and how, as you
contemplate the finished marvel, your homage
grows into worship of the intellect that could
create so fair a thing out of mere breath, mere
words. And you call to mind now, as speak,
how the poet with stern fidelity to the history
of all humanity, delivers this beautiful child
of his heart and his brain over to the trials ana
the sorrows that must come to all, sooner or
later, that abide in the earth and how the pa
thetc story eliminates in that apostrophe-so
wild so regretful, so full of mOurnful retrospect
ton The lines run thus:
Alas ALIAS -a-alas!
Alas !-alas!
and so on. [Laughter.] I do not recolleet the
rest but, taken altogether, it seems to me
that that poem is the noblest tribute to woman
that human genius has ever brought 1orthT
Ilauchterl-and 1 feel that if 1 were to talk
hours could not do my great theme compieter
or more graceful justice than l have now done
in simply quoting that poets matchless words.
Renewed laughter.] The phases of the wo-
manly nature are infinite in their variety.
Take any type of woman and you shall find IN
it something to admire, something TO love.
And YOU shall find the whole world joining
you heart and hand. Who was more PatrWl12ftlc W2fc
has given us grander instance OF sclf-sacrl-
ficing devotion? All, you remember, you re-
member well, what a trob of pain, what great
tidal wave of grief swept over us all when
Joan of Arc fell at Waterl, ,. Much laugh
teri Who does not sorrow for the loss OF
Sappho. the sweet singer Of Israel. Laugter.]
Who among US does not miss the gentle minis
trations. the softening influences, tho humble
piety of Lucretia Borgia? Laughter VINO
can ioin in the heartlesS libel that says woman
is extravagant in dress when ne can 1ooh a'a oach
and call to mind our simple and lowly mother
Eve arrayed in her modification OF the High
land costume? Roars Of laughter. Sir, wo-
men have been soldiers, women nave peen
painters, women have been poets. AS long as
language lives the name of Cleopatra will live.
And, not because she conquered u9orSe -
[laughter]-but because she wrote those dlvlne
s'Let dogs delight to bark and bite
For God hath made them so"
More laughter.] The story of the world IS
adorned with the names of illustrious ones OF
orr own sex-some of them sons OF st. An
drew, too-Scott, Bruce, Burns, the warrior .1
Ben. Lomond, and the great new Scotchman,
Ben. Disraei. [Great laughter Out OF the
great plains of history tower whole mountain
ranges of sublime women-the Queen OF She
ba. Josephine, Semiramis, Sairey Camp; the
list is endless -[laughter]-b will not call
the mighty roll, the names rise up in your own
memories at the mere suggestion, luminous
with the glory of deeds that cannot die, hal,
lowed by the loving worship of the good and
true Of all epochs and of all climes. Cheers
Suffice it for our pride and our honor that we
in our day have added to it such names as those
of Grace Darling and Florence Nightingale.
Woman is all that she should be-gentlc pa.
tient long-sutfering, trustful, unseltish full! OF
generous impulses. 1t is her blessed mission
to comfort the suffering, plead for the erring,
tressed, uplift the fallen, befriend tho friend
lcss-in word, afford the healing of her sym
bruised and prosecuted children Of misfortune
that knock at its hospitable door. And when
I saw, God bless her, there is none among US
who has known the ennobling affection Of
wife, or the steadfast devotion Of a mother, but
in his heart will say, Amen! Loud and pro-
longed cheering 1.-The Cosmopolitan, London.