New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-04-20

A correspondent who is plainly a person Of
philanthropic turn of mind. writes to suggest way
in which the wel-known fact that the ocean tele-
graph brings us news from Europe some hours IL
advance of the actual happening of the events re-
ported may be turned to practical benevolent ac-
count He takes a case like that of the distinguished
sentimental German p0etess Frau Clara Schnecken-
langsam nee Tardivel, who died recently in conse-
quence of having eaten too many snails. VI course
when this news reached America Madame Schneck-
enlangsam was really not dead by six hours and, in
point of fact, had not yet slipped down her first
snail Not push conjecture too far 1t may be that
the unsuspicious mollusks were even then dawdling
over the cabbageeaves in the fair poetesss garden,
remote, unfriended. melancholy, slow, and lazily
waiting to be shelled Now, as our correspondent
lucidly shows there abundant time, after our
reception of this news to the amiabe Schneck-
enlangsam's life, by promptly racing back by cable
an energetic prescription procured from the nearest
druggist. Fancy the gratitude of the lady and her
friends on finding herself snatched in this unex-
pected way from the jaws of death-the prescription
fetched in perhaps by the headwater in the nick OF
time; served up it may be, with the very snail, the
last feather if we may call him so. that was to have
done the busnessl Our correspondent deserves to
be thanked by Mr. Bergh in person for his ingenious
III,
TRIBUNE EXTRA containing Mr. Prootor's lectures,
he would have learned enough astronomy to teach
him that, though the sun does come slowly up this
way and so allows the cable to get ahead of time,
vet time is as much too spry for him in going in
the other direction and the cable is therefore left in
the lurch We should thus have gained nothing by
our attempt to outwit greedy death, and the pre-
scripton would probably have arrived only just In
time to be laid with other tributes of affection upon
the lamented SchneckenlangsamS grave
The taxes Of the renowned Sisters Of Glastonbury
again becoming due. those two ladies were recently
called upon by the Collector. Seized by dark and
desperate resolution to be at lars at arst avenged
they calmly but sterny read to the miserable
villain numerous essays on the dreadfulness Of
making people pay taxes when they couldn't vote;
liz awise letters in which their friends advised them
to maintain their rebellion and ended with the
letter containing the check for $50 with which to
fight their battle with the tyrants. Then both de-
clared that they would MT pay, and the terrified
Collector said they need MT Immediately, and dis
appeared as fast as he could. If these excellent
ladies will but borrow wisdom Of success take
lessons in elocuti0n and prepare goodly store of
woman-suirage literature, not one wrotched mInion
of an unjust law Will dare approach their dwelling.
Fine language has generally been characteristic
Of persons who said 20 live by their wts-that is
to say. other peoples; but it is only occasionally
that the professional beggar of the rougher kind
adds to volubility grace aud purity of speech.
One of the exceptions proving this rule is mendi-
cant who haunts Printing house Square His diction
is really remarkable. and his pronunciation is better
than that of one-haf of our educated people. The
story of his and mishaps concludes with this
flourish of Johnsonanisn: The smallest donation
will DO thankfully received by the applicant
man who can shed the uster OF such dignity and
fnkhA tu tha 49, AL
left unprovided for, He would DO an ornament to
any profession. y