The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-06
BUDGET OF FUN.
CHATTER INTRODUCTORY.
THE BAD BOY.

CHAPTER I-INTRODUCT0RY.
His name was John Henderson Tompkins,
and he was going on Is years old He had
ireckles all over his nose, chewed plug to.
bacco and loaied around select schools and
put tin ears on boys smaller than himself.
His father was killed by Il Canada saw. log
his only sister slept in silent tomb, ana his
mother divided her time between gossping
and canvasslng money for the heathehs III
Africa.
CHAPTER II-THusLf.
Thus it will be seen that there was no one
to give John Henderson Tompkins any do
mestic attention beyond an occasional whack
with slipper, which made him the worse
He wasn't sent to school; never had to take
a dose OF castor oil was always allowed to
20 around with 4 letter in the postottice and
his pants supported by magnificent belt of
ship twine and if lie wasn't home by 10
O'Clock at night his mother felt perfectly sure
he would dump down somewhere. and be at
home in time for Goldfish and potatoes III the
morning.
CHAPTER III-sHAMEFUL NEGLECT.
John Henderson Tompkins's mother never
took him on her knee and asked him if he
knew what was beyond the bright stars, and
if he knew where he'd go If he grew up an
awful liar and horsethief She never told
the bulrushes, or Danial in the lions den, and
it is no wonder that he grew up to be a bad
boy. She didn't never have sticking plasters
ready when he got cut, and Sunday morn
ings there was no one to rub him behind the
ears, I'LL his eyes with soap and water, and
comb his hair the wrong way.
CHAPTER Iv-ITs PECULIARITIEs.
Everything which happened in the village
was laid at John Henderson Tompkins' door.
It's some of that boys work. they said,
whenever bushcl of plums, watermelon or
a pack of peaches mysteriously disappeared. |
He was, probably, guilty of everything
charged, and when he died they found where
he had hidden seventeen stolen COW bells, for
ty axes, ever so many saw-buCks, fifteen or
twenty front gates. and | can't remember how
many snowshovels.
CHAPTER v-DOwN ON HIM.
In tme as the reader was informed in
previous chapter, the adult male population
of the village got down on John Henderson
Iompkins Old maids jabbed at him with
umbrellas merchants flung pound weights at
him shoemakers dosed him with strap oil,
and grocers always looked around for John
Henderson when they wanted to heavc out
bad eggs and spoiled fruits.
CHAPTER yI-HIs AMBITION.
You might think that they would have
eventually succeeded in breaking the boys
spirit and dashing his hopes, but they couldn't
do it. He had the ambition which nothing
could check. He wanted TO be a bold pirate
and sail the raging main, and he was patient
ly waiting for the time to come when he could
wear No. 10 boots and swear in a voice like
the echoes of base viol He would be con-
tent to crawl into g hen roost and to creep
around horscb barns for few years, but then,
but then
Some of the more philanthropic citizens
made strenuous efforts to reform the boy.
They locked him up in the smokehouse for
week; they dubbed him until he was as limp
as rag, but as soon as they let him 90 he
went right back to his old habits again.
CHAPTER vIiI-NEARING THE END.
John Henderson Tompkns had kept this
thing up for eight or nine years when our
story opens, and he was nearing his end. jus, :
iice overtakes the guilty sooner or later, and
justice way laying low for this bad boy, He
had the cheek to believe that he would live
to be 100 years old, but he was to be taken
down peg or two, and his mother left an
orphan.
CHAPTER IX-THE END.
One day while in the heyday of his wicked
ness, John Henderson Tompkins came upon ,
something new in the line of plumber. 1t was
a pile of little cans labelled 'Nitro-glycerneI y,
hands otf-dangerous poison" etc, bat he -,
couldn't read, and didn't care a copper. He
carried can behind the meeting house and .
sat down on Il rock to open it. There wasn't
any guardian angel around to tell him that
he'd get busted if he fooled with that can,
and so he spat on his hands and gave it .
whack ON the stone.
CHAPTER X--OBITuANS =
The folks all run out, and after FUod deal
of trouble they found and separated the
pieces of the Westinghouse from the pieces
of the boy, and then got together enough of
John Henderson to nh q cigar box and an
swer as the basis OF Il funeral. They buried .
the remains in quiet nook, and the grave
stone maker put lfttle lamb on the head.
stone to show That John Henderson Temp
kins was meek atd slowly