The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-04-02

"A lady asked a veteran which rifle
carried the maximum distance. The
old chap answered, "The Minnie,
num-"
What is the difference between a
Jew and lawyer? The one gets his
law from prophets, and the other his
profits from the law.
The oldest fireman In Utica died
the other day, and he wanted to
be buried with his red shirt ON so. as
to be ready for an alarm.
What is the difference between a
farmer and bottle of whisky? One
husbands the corn, and the other
cOrns the husbands.
--One can Judge something of the
patience of Hoosiers from the state
ment of an Indiana PAPER that twenty
men handled over thirty-five cords of
woods to get a rabbit.
An Arkansas mansis travelling
around delivering lecture composed
of eight chapters Of the Bible, and
none of his hearers have detected the
literary theft.
An old lady in Washington was
recently heard to observe, ON taking
up the morning paper, II wonder
II anybody has been born that 1
know"
-"Dinna be sac mean VII It; it's for
puir faitherless BARN, said a Scotch
woman to an apothecary, who was
weighing out two ounces of calOmel
for sick child.
"A Kentucky paper apologies for
having spoken of "the red-headed,
malignant mule who dispenses the
county money" by saying that i
wrote: "Big-hearted, valiant SOUL"
"A young doctor spends his leisure
hours is practicing on the cOrnet,
and passers-by, thinking an amputa.
tiOn is going on inside, are deluded
as to the number of the mans pa
tients.
An affected young lady, on being
asked, in large company, IL she had
read Shakespeare, assumed a look Of
establishment, and replied: Shakes
peares OF course have read that
when it first came out"
Some one has been looking ovel
the records of the Legislature OF
West Virginia, and finds that at it,
last session it passed law "tO pre-
vent owners of hogs from running a
large"
"A little American lad who ha(
Just commenced reading newspaper
asked his father if the word "HOn.,
prefixed to the name of member o
member of congress, meant "hOn
est"
"A Sacramento dealer in hair oil
who sold on the principle Of"nO cure
no pay" has sued one of his bald
headed customers, and the latter de
mands a bald-headed jury, in order
that he may be tried by his peers.
-"Dick," said certain lawyer t.
countrymen who had been con
sidered more TOOL than knave, "what
would you call the two creates
curiosities in the world" why, .
replied Dick, San honest lawyer ant
a river on fire.
They are so queer out west: A
Prairie du Chen ball, given in honor
ola wedding, began at ten o'clock one
morning and lasted until the next
daylight. When it closed the bride
was drunk, ana the husband nau peer
taken to Jail for beating one of the
guests.
-"When DR.. breaches" sale
an humble pastor, "the plowmaI
leaves his furrow, the tradesmen hi
shop, the scholar his books, and tn,
fine lady her toilet, to crowd aroun(
the pulpit. When 1 preach, i set al
to right again, and every one follows
his own business"
"A patriotic woman in Burling
ton, reading in the papers that some
woman in Davenport had hair thirty
one inches long, Immediately sent t.
Chicago for some thirty-three inches
long. Burlington isn't going to bt
beaten on long hair if her daughter.
know themselves.
"A philophical Kentuckian, wht
had but one shirt, and was lying ir
bed while the garment was drying OF
the clOthes-line in the yard, wa.
startled by an exclamation from his
wife to the effect that the calf hat
eaten it. well, said the Kentuckian,
with spirit worthy of better cause
swell, them who has must lOse."