Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1874-08-27
A Spell of Single Blessedness.
The following is from Commodore

The following is from Commodore
Rollingpin's new book:
My wife has gone away for the sum-
mer and left me in full charge of the
house. I like it; haven't had such a
run of liberty since we were married.
hope she's having a good time, for
I am. can now exercise my rights
as the head of the family. Can't do
it when she's at home; she'll not
every one about her toe the mark
But I've got her now, and am having
things my own way.
This morning l came bone quite
early. It was a. m, I'd been to the
club and got caught in the rain. For
half an hour 1 couldn't find the key
hole, which must have been mislaid.-
felt for it everywhere, and even got
| down in the yard and examined every
brick, but couldn't find it. was in
the act of calling one of my neigh
bors and asking him who had carried
off my front door, when happened to
| find it and get into the house.
In the dark kicked over spittoon
but luckily didn't get any of the tobac-
CO juice on my boots. I hung my
overcoat and umbrella on a prong of
the chandelier, let them drip on the
parlor carpet, and went up stairs and
turned in with my boots on. I
thought it wasn't worth while to pull
them of, as I would have to get up in
eight or ten hours anyhow. If my
wife had been home she would have
had me looking an hour for the boot
jack, and l would have lost that
amount of rest which my system so
much needed. Besides, she'd have
made me give full account of myself
which l don't like to do. never did
believe in praising myself. It's bet
ter to let others speak of ones virtues.
can now wear a shirt week and it's
nobody's business. don't see how
ever did get along with that woman.
The idea of having to put on clean
shirt, black my boots, and brush my
clothes every morning, is simply ridic-
ulous. 1t is miracle to me how l
ever did it and attend to my other af,
fairs. I now read the morning paper
without being forced to see an impa-
tient woman standing with her dress
in one hand, looking very miserable,
and finally telling me that she is going
down town and wants that paper for
Any one to look at the
house now would know there's no
woman about, everything is SO quiet
and comfortable and handy. IT l
want to do a little figuring 1 don't
have to hunt up pencil, or pen and
ink; bnt just sit down to one of the
tables and do it with my finger, and
there's nobody to be eternally WELD
ing busting brush around my head,
and telling me to get out of the way
until the house is cleaned up. These
are considerations that every married
man should ponder Over.-But when
we do ponder and resolve, what good
does it do? That's the question
which now agitates the American peo-
ple.-What good does it do? Not a
bit. If these women cant have every
thing their own way, they swoon of
into Mysteries. As consequence we
have to pay fifty dollar doctors bill
and stay in the house all day tanning
them and promising in the end that
eve may be happy yet" before they
show any disposition to compromise
Our wives are petted too much. Anc
this reminds me that mine won't yielt
to any other treatment. I undertook
to prescribe more stringent remedy
for her one day, but it threw her into
a fit more like the Jim. jams than any
thing I know of She broke every
| plate in the house over my head, an(
| then I had to kiss her before sh
: would promise not to do that again
That's what makes me say that she il
set in her ways.
There too are the piano and guitar
which she kept going from morning
until midnight filling the whole neigh
| borhood with discordant sounds whicl
she called music. Both are as NUT
5 as bird cage, which was vacated las
week by stragetic movement of tn
: cat
The two hundred pots of flower
: that she left me to cultivate l dom
t think will produce much of crop
s They're nearly all ripe now, an
t there's no sign of flower yet. I hav
i watered them twice since she left, bu
r it did no good. 1 reckon they mis-
her, and are pining away because sh
e amt here. In this respect they d
t not resemble me to any alarming e2
e tent.
r Our kitchen never looked better
Y The stove and pipe have assumed
It beautiful red tint, and the pots al
:, bringing forth fine crop of white
d looking Vegetable mold, which I hay
d not learned the name of, but she
n know it when she comes. The dish
don't look quite so bright and clea
at as they might, but the flies are bad th
n year, and if were to wash them ever
IN two weeks they wouldn't present II
le spectacle appearance.