Litchfield enquirer., 1874-08-06
CLIPPINGS.


 histOry2-When Henry VII. dissolved the Papal Bull
 An English brewer in Ohio wants to know what effect ''local hoption" would ave upon the price of Ops.
 An old wine bibber says that an empty Champagne bottle is like an orphan bc. canse it has lost its pop. 0
 Who is the laziest man? The furniture dealer; he keeps chairs and lounges about all tho time.
 Tho question for a belle and the fore man of newspaper office-How shall I make up my form. s...
 Sunday School teacher-Annie, what must one do in order to be forgiven2 Annie-He must sin.
 4 suspicious wife, on being asked where her hvsband was, replied that she was very much afraid he was Missing. When deaf and dumb lovers arc mar ned. two members of tho wedding party are sure to be unspcakably happy.
 A bank must be a poor place to impart sccxets as there is a cash ear and a teller there constantly.
 If vas an expressive remark of q prac- tscal man regarding the woman of the period. ''shc don't know enough to bile hot water"
 A Parislan musical dictionary defines a shout to be ''an unpleasant noise pro- dnced by overstraining the throat for which great singers arc we'll paid. and small children well punished.
 
 A young gentleman of Tcrre Haute remarked to his female companion the other evening ''Ahl tho most beautiful evcning in my recollection. Luna looks peculiarly beautiful" 'sWas that her just went by2 quickly asked the young lady.
 John, said father to his son one day, when he caught him shaving. the down off his upper lip, ''don't throw your shaving water out where there are any barefOOtea boys, for they might get tAeir feet pEickcd."
 @Dcar mo how fiuidly he talksT' said Mrs PartlngrOn. recently, at temperance meeting. ''I am always rcjoiced when hc mounts tie nostriI, for his clouuence Uarns every cartridge in my body"
 A learned young lady the other day asEonfshcd tho company by asking for the loan of diminutilc argenteous trun- eatcd conc. convex on its summit. and semi-perforated with symmetrical indcn- taEsoUs. She wanted a thimble.
 Caztomer-''Tm afraid I'm getting lit tle halslF'
 Operator Well, sir, I think, sir when you attend the public worship, if I was you. I'd sit in the gallery"
 A few days ago very handsome lady enfeFest dry-go0ds house and inquired for s'beau." The polite clerk threw himself hack and remarked that he was at her service. "Ycs; but want buff. not green one, was the reply. Tho young man went on measuring goods immediate. ly.
 A Wisconsin boy was building a fence. A raftlcsnakc hit him through the index fin- ger. This boy only fourteen, picked up aR ax, and, laying his finger on a post. chopped it off
 A San Francisco man who closed his sa- toon one night recently, to allow a lady in the r01nns above to die quietly, is now su- ing her heirs for $50 because they won't pay for his sacrifice.
 A As S&AA kA1Sak Ohe Ol bn8 eQlGOrS Of Q New Orleans paper, soon after commenc- ing learn the printing business. went to see apreaehcr's daughter. The next time be attended meeting he was considerably os- tnniShcd at hearing the minister announce ss hss text My daughter is gri..vnuslv tnTmcnted with a devil"
 It having bcen asked by ono cur;ons in ssse caHs~sS of things, .'wlly two-thirds of 'ise as'ss4 clerks are bald. keen obsery- eT Eavss tt as his opinion that ia may be t~-ranSss tiae forces of nature have been diverted from the scalp ia the cultivation of supernatural check"
 n man is getting shaved in barber's saop. and fly alights upon his nose, and be gives hls head twitch to remove the the ny. during which the barber removes sasce of tho mans car, who Is to blame2 the man. or the razor?
 An lrlshman. being recently on trial for some cHcnse. pleaded mot guilty" and the jury bclng m the box, the district at- toEnEy proceeded tO call MT. Furkisson as 2 witness With the utmost innocence fStEsck tRrned his face to the judge and sad, Do I understand, yer, honor. that Ar. FuFkiSsOn IS 60 be a witness forenenst aas agaln. The judge said, dryly, ssIt s1ems co .. We'll. thin, yer honor, blade gaaiky sure. If yer honor plaise, not be- caase am guilty, for I'm as innocent as Yer hoaor's sukin. babe. but lis on ac- coant of savin' Misthcr FurkisSon's sovvI ,,
 UESERAL BUTLER AND GEyrRAI. Hoor- ER-Gcneral Butler has published o cor1 explsrtly denying and challenging anv proof tho accusatiOn which is allcced to have been preferred against him by Gen cF1i Hooker. namely, that inc converted tO has own use, to the amount of a million dollars ar more. money and valuable thhngs beaorglng to cOlorcd soldiers. which he required them to deposit at his head quarters while he was in command of the Array of the James. ssTo the exact con. trary of this slander," says General Rut. Ter. s.a savings bank was established ;n Norfolk for the benefit of the coloraJ troops. So that they might have place to deposit their money, under the charce of n qnAxtexmassT Of the army, which was transferred to the Frecdmen's Bureau at The close of the war. and the accounts duIv settled and vouched."
 This explicit and circumstantial denial eeTsaanly pufs tho burden upon General noo9er of substantlating the assertions vslaeh arc attributed to him, or of bearing tne repFoach of uttering groundless and ssanderOus accusations. Butler has cer taaniy quite enough to answer for which ts detrimental to his country, without giy- Ing him sach chance as this to blind fbe eyes Of the people to his public offences oy means Of the successful refutation of ono personal islander.
 AMERECAS BAsR-RALL EXHIBITION GAME Ar LavERrooL.-The two American base ball cinbs now visiting England gave their flrst exhibition match at Liverpool. Thurs day. Tho weather was fino and fine ot- tendance large. The Athletics, of PhiIa- delphia. beat the Red Stockings, of Bos- ton, m ten innings. by a score of l4 to IT. The play was mnch admired, and called forth considerable applause from the spec