The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-11-06
Pitll and Point.

NO IDLE tail-The cows in fly time.
A PAPER containing many fine points
"A paper of needles.
WHEN are eyes not eyes? When the
wind makes them water.
WHEN does water resemble gymnast2
When 1t makes spring.
No dust affects the eye like gold-dust.
and no glasses like brandy glasses.
" Do YOU like the piano ?" some one
asked Theophile Gautier. "I prefer IL
to the guillotine, f" was the reply of the
poet.
HERE is the last achievement of the
Philadelphia obituary man:
Dear rJohnny's gone !; he could not stay:
On heavenly meads he browses
And now we sadly put away
His little checkered trowsers.
Arouse man charged with: being lazy
was asked if he took it from his father.
" I think not, was thereby. Gathers
got all the laziness he ever had"
D1GBY, will you take some of this.
butter?" Thank you ma am, belong
to the temperance society-cant take
anything strong" replied Digby.
AN old lady was admiring the beauti-
full picture called Saved" "It's no
wonder" said she, 60 that the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water"
JOHN CoCHRANE, on being introduced
to the Chief Magistrate of Dublin, re-
marked 81 knew that you made
bulls in your country, but had no idea
thatyou made such magnificent mayors"
Oh, Swing and Patton,
Beecher and Tilton,
Anthony and Stanton,
Proctor and Moulton,
The NAV of the nation
Is gorged to repletion
With thy quarrels and carry-onf
"JoHN," said a schoolmaster, t'you
will soon be a man, and will have to at
tend to business. What do you sup
pose you will do when you have to write
letters unless you learn to spell better 2''
"Oh, sir, answered John, 81 shall put
easy words in them"
"DD you report that I was a thief.
sir ?" angrily inquired Shook the other
day of one of his neighbors. "No, I
reported no such thing. / only said
that there were strong suspicious against
you, and that I believed all the, sus-
picions to be correct" 80, was that
all ?''
SOMEBODY asserts that "death takes
place, the world over, at the rate of
one every three seconds, and births at
the rate OF one every two seconds. There
is sense of profund relief in the thought
that every time a man goes out of the
world baby and a half are coming
into 1t. !"
SINCE Orphic poets Oros sang:
Or since AS Love we knew him,
His golden arrow twas that taught
Our bleeding hearts to rue him.
But when he aimed at gallant Fitch,
And hit him he knew it,
He dropped his arrow, for it took
Minnie ball to do it.
-Brookts7l Argus.
THE editor of a Texas newspaper lately
went out with a pistol in his hand for
| the purpose of vindicating his charac-
| ter for truth and veracity. It is not
stated whether he succeeded or not !;
bnt he was soon brought back in q
wheelbarrow, with blanket over him,
as quiet as lamb.
&c / WANT you all to understand that
there Is to be no levity on the stage to-
night" said the manager of city thea
ter to the supernumeraries as the cur
tain was rung up. whats levity,
Bill ?" asked one supernumerary of an
know. Suppose it's cross tween a
farce and comedy"
Mrs. VAN Corr says that at one OF
her prayer-meetings q negro brother
prayed: so Lord, send dy angel to
pin de wings on sister Bancrot's heels,
dat she may fly troo de world preachin'
| de everlastin' gospel" And one added,
"Lord give wings on her shoulders,
too, or the preaching will not have
effect, for she'll fly upside down"