Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-08-14
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lent designs, when suddenly hand was
laid upon his shoulder and deep contral-
to voice Numbered in his ear :-sY Dung
man, you look as if you wanted to go to
Jesus! Won't you come to Jesus p Where
upon he was struck all of a heap, as it
were, and stammered, I would want
that is, / should like to go, you know, but
not this evening, thank you; [ have an
engagement.
Youthful simplicity is beautiful, but it
may become exasperating. Aschool teach
Ell wishing his pupils to have clear idea
of faith, illustrated it thus ;-"Here is an
apple-you see it, and therefore know that
it is there; but when 1 place it under this
tea cup you have faith that it is there,
though you no longer see it," The lads
seemed to understand perfectly and the
next time.the teacher asked them, ''What
is faith ?" they answered with one accord,
san apple under tea cup ~
A Dutchman who had made good for
tune by pursuing the milk trade, sold out
and started for the fartherland. His gold
was tied up in bag. A monkey caught
up the bag and climbed up the masthead.
The evil genius then commenced throwing
the gold pieces, first one on to the deck
and the other into the sea. "Himmel ~
exclaimed the Dutchman, ''how doosh de
leetle fellow know how to divite monish
Dot which come by de water he trows into
de water. and dot much vich come by de
milk he gives to me-"
Out West the Railroads sell tickets to
ministers at half price. Recently, a gen
tleman applied at the ticket Office in Atch-
ison for "a clergyman's ticket" GLOW
am I to know you are clergyman ?"
asked the agent. ''I'll read you one of
my sermons answered the minister
s'Here-here-tak the ticket, I'll let you
have it for nothing sooner than put you
to that trouble That agent didn't have
an appreciation Of eloquence.
The acme has been reached in the pa
thos Of titles by a music publisher who
has produced touching piece OF NEW
sick under the pathetic name of Mother,
Bring My Little Kitten" We propose get
ting out as a companion piece, Daddy,
Have You drowned the Puppies 20
ssNever marry for wealth." says a phil
osopher, ''but remember it is just as easy
to love a girl who has a brick house with
Mansard roof and a silver-plated door
bell as one who hasn't anything but an au
l,,,,, nd on q IlCnnQlfInn
An Idaho schoolmarm has introduced
new feature in her school. When one of
it gets permission to kiss her. AS a re-
suit, the girls are fast becoming poor spell
ers, while the boys are improving.
A peddler called on a Uniontown lady
to dispose of some goods, and inquired Of
her if she could tell him of any road on
which no peddler had travelled. Eyes,"
replied she, 81 know of one, and that's
the road to Heaven
When negro down in Louisiana was
hauled up for stealing bacon, he put in as
a defense that he was told by his political
teacher that now, when he had the right
to vote, he must take ''sides'' somewhere.
Out in Wisconsin a horse kicked and
killed book-agent, whereupon the citi-
Zens made donation party for the horse,
and he now has oats enough to last him a
full horse lifetime.
Texas is full of mysteries. A man was
put in jail the other night at Bryan, and
the next morning he was found hanging
to tree quarter Of a mile away.
A London tradesman adyertises HIM
self as s'breeches. maker to the queen. p
There must be some mistake about it
We don't believe the queen would do such
thing
An editor who speaks with the air of
man who has discovered a new fact by ex-
perience, says that the way to prevent
bleeding at the nose is to keep your nose
out of other peoples business.
'sMy DEAR" said husband to his wife,
on observing red striped stockings Oh his
heir, "why have you made barber's poles
of our child's legs ?" "Because he is lit
tie shaver,'' was the neat rply.
"The Bank of Lexington will pay to
order Of -, Treasurer, Six Dollars and
Twenty-Five Cents in full of license tax
for one lawyer and one dog"
1t is said that, when Chicago girl quar-
rels with her lover, she informs her friend
that ''she isn't on squeezing terms with
that friend any more"
''Are there any fools in this town 20
asked stranger of newsboy. 81 don't
know" replied the boy; 'why, are you
lonesome 20
"Ah! !" yawned bachelor, ''this world
is but gloomy prison." "To those in
solitary confnement,' added witty
lady.
A NOVEL CHECK.-The following
check was presented at the Bank of Lex
ington, Va, for payment:
When is scolding woman most offen-
sive? When she's as deaf as post, and
rails.
What style Of sewing machine suits the
ladies best The one which has the be st
s'feller."
"The great American obituary prove
ker," is the latest for kerosene.
The vilest sinner may return-eyery-
thing but an umbrella.
A nun is now set down as an organized
old maid.
A STAR ENGAGEMBNT-"Mee me by
moonlight alone"