The Redwood gazette., 1874-05-07

And all the guests gave three cheers for
The persevefinC orator.
JOE CATERS LIFE INSURANCE.
BIZ H. A. BERToN.
Goods He was the model boy of Bung.
field. While his idle schoolmates were.
flying kites, and playing marbles, the
prudent Joseph was trading Sunday
school tickets for strawberries and eggs,
which he converted into currency of the
Republic. As he grew up, and his old
schOol-mates purchased cravats and hair
oil at Squire Tackey's store, it was the in
dustrious Joseph who stood behind the
counter, wrapped up their purchases and
took their money. When the same boys
stood on the street corners and cas-.
sleeps eyes at the girls, the business
contemplated these same boys with eyes
of young birds he expects to eat when
they grow older. Joe never wasted any
time at parties he never wore fine cloth.
ing; he never drank nor smoked; in
short, Joe was so industrious that by the
time he reached his majority he had q
thousand dollars in the bank, and not q
solitary virtue in his heart.
For Joe's money good Squire Tackey
had an earnest longing, and soon had It
to his own credit; while the sign over the
stoor-door read " Tackey s. Cater" Then
the Squire wanted Joe's soul, too, and so
earnest was he that Joe soon found it nee
essary to demonstrate with his partner.
"'Twon't do, SQUIRE" said he, "relig-
ions all very we'll in its place, but when q
man loses the sale of q dozen eggs, profit
seven cents, because his partner is talking
religion with him so hard that q customer
gets tired of waiting and goes somewhere
else, then religions out Of place."
"The human souls of more conscience
than many eggs, Joseph" argued the
Squire.
"That's just it," replied Joe; "money
don't hit the value Of the soul any way,
and there's no use trying to mix 'em.
And while we're talking, don't you think
we might be mixing some of the settings
of the molasses barrel with the brown
sugars-'twill make it weigh better"
The Squire sighed, but he could not help
admitting that Joe was as good partner
as . man could want.
In one of Joe's leisure moments it struck
him that If he were to die nobody would
lose cent by the operation. The idea
was too exasperating, and soon the local
agents of noted insurance companies
ceased to enjoy that tranquility which is
characteristic of business in the country.
Within fortnight two of the agents were
srraigned before their respective churches
for profane brawling, while Joe had
squeezed certain agents into dividing
commissions to the lowest unit of divisi.
bility, and had several policies in the safe
at the store.
The Squire, his partner, was agent for
the fatagonian Mutual, and endured his
full share of the general agony Joe had
policy and receipt and taken the money,
and counted it twice, and seen to it care.
fully that all the bills were good, the
Squire took his revenge.
Joseph" said he, "you amt through
with insurance yet-you need to insure
your soul against risk in the next world,
and there's only one Agent that does it."
The junior partner stretched himself
on the counter and groaned. He knew
the Squire was right-he had heard that
same story from every minister he had
ever heard. Joe was so agitated that he
charged at twelve and half cents some
Gallo he had sold at fifteen.
Only one Agent! But the shrewd
Joseph rejoiced to think that those who
represented the Great Agent differed
greatly in the conditions of the insur.
ance, and that some made more favorable
terms than others, and that il he could
get the ministers thoroughly interested in
him he would have good opportunity
for comparing rates. The good men all
wanted Joe, for he was q rising young
man, and could, If the spirit moved him,
make handsome subscriptions to good
purposes. So in their zeal they soon re.
garded each other with jealous eyes, and
reduced their respective creeds to gossa.
mer thinness. They agreed about grace
being free, and Joe accepted that much
promptly, as he did aaything which could
be had without price. But Joe was
practical man. and though he found fault
with none of the doctrines talked at him
he yet hesitated to attach himself to any
particular congregation. He finally as.
certained that the Reverend Barzillai
Driftw0od's church had no debt, and that
its contributions to missions and other
religious purposes were very small, 20
Joe allowed himself to be gathered into
the fine assortment of crooked sticks
which the Reverend Barzillai Driftwood
was reserving unto the day Of burning.
Great was the rejoicing Of the congre.
cation at Joe's saving act, and sincere was
the sorrow of the other churches, which
knew their own creeds were less shaky.
But in the saloon and on the street Joe'a
religious act was discussed exclusively
on its merits, and the results were
such a. only special spiritual labor would
remove. For no special change was no.
ticeable in Joe; on Sunday he abjured the
world, but ON Monday he made things
uncomfortable for the Widow Macuilty,
whose husband had died In the debt 81
Tackey & Cater. A customer bought some
gingham, on J0e's assurance that the col.
ors were fast, but the first wash-day failed
TO confirm Joe's statement The proprietos
of the stage line between Bune6efd and
Cleopas Valley traded horses with Joe
and was afterWard heard mentioning hii
new properly in language far moro scrip
tursl than proper.
Still, Joe was . church member, and
that was . patent of respectability. And
ss he gained years, and building lots, end
horses, and commenced discounting notes
his responsibility grew and waxed grea'
in the minds Of the practical people o.
Bungneld. Even good women, real moth
ess In Israel, could mot help thinking Z