The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1874-07-11
HUMOROUS.
Affecting sight-Barrels in tiers.

Look out for the comet-Thereby
hangs tail,
Only Philadelphia has Temperance
doughnut parties"
A Lebanon (Ky.) gent, in ardently
greeting a long parted wife, broke one
Of her ribs. ..,..
Parties going over the ocean should
be warmly clothed. The steamers are
always coaled. N. ."rF.
1t is said that the prettiest girl in
Harrisburg is a newspaper carrier. She
carries them in her hustle.
Our advanced scholar comes in with
the suggestion that tltle-page is like
charity because it begins tome.
A Troy paper, writing of the late
Elder Knapp, speaks of incidents "in
the early history Of the corpse" 4 ,
A party of men are digging for gold
at Bridgeport. They've struck rich
vein of quartz-butit'squarts of water.
The Rochester Chronicle offers three
cents per pound for poetical contribu-
tions, and writers are not limited as to
subjects. ,.-..-..- ...-
Josh Billings says, "Success don't
konsist in never making blunders, but
in never making the same one the sec
kond time."
A Philadelphia gentleman advertises
soap that is destined to whipe out the
national debt. There is probably some
'lye" about it. l
When your pocket-book gets empty
and every body knows 1t, you can put
all your friends in 1t and It won't "bulge
out" worth cent. a....
Texas judges are accommodating fel.
lows. One Of them who fined man
three hundred dollars took a twenty
dollar mule and called it square.
Josh Billings gives the following adj
vice to young men: Don't be dlscour-
aged If yer mustache don't grow: it
sometimes happens where mustache
duz the best nothing else does so well.
A Cincinnati reporter says that there
Is something grand in a pair of run
away horses, but we believe that good
deal depends on whether a man is on
fence or trying. to climb over the end
board of the wagon.
Turning the tables. - While some
colored people were being baptized re-
Gently in the river at Nashville, one be-
came unmanageable, and seizing the
minister, who was small man, threw
him over her head, almost drowning
him.
A man who was seen coming out of
a Texas newspaper office with his nose
split open, one eye gouged out, and an
ear chawed off, explainedtoa policeman
that he was not subscriber to paper
he had simply entered the Office to as
certain if the editor was in. "And he
was in," he mournfully added.
A sermonizer made these remarks on
the following soul.saving question:
"My brethren, man cannot afford to
lose his soul. He's got but one, and he
can't get another. If a man loses his
horse he can get another; if he loses his
wife he can get another; IL he loses his
child he can get another; but If he loses
his soul-good-by, John"
Jack Pendergast was fined ten dollars
by Chicago justice for an assault, the
alternative being ten days in jail. To
get the money to pay the fine he picked
the pocket of a lawyer in court; but
when he fumbled in the pocketbook for
the right sized bill, the lawyer recog-
nized his own, and Jack will go to the
State Prison for many years.
A fine distinction was that the preach
er of the Richmond First Baptist Church
made; "My brudders," said he, "when
you were all slaves dar might ha' been
sense for cuttin' slice of the marsr's
bacon, or hookin' a handful o. corn
meal, or robbin' de hen roost; for you
all work hard den, my brudders, and
you earn 1t, my brudders and sisters.
But now you is all free dar amt no
'scuse whatever; you's all on yer own
'sponsibilitY."
"While journeylng by rail-" says
traveller, "I witnessed the following in
cident: One night just after I had
scrambled into my sleeping berth,
heard loud andangry voices proceeding
from the rear end of the car. "I tell
you this is sleeping car, and you cant
come In without ticket" Begorra,
had a ticket" Where is it?' I've LOST
it, If you really had the misfortune
TO lose your ticket, perhaps you can re
member your berth?' There was an in
terval of silence, Paddy evidently EN-,
ploying his thinking powers. Och. bC
jabersI' he at length exclaimed, Il wa
born on the 25th day of October, 1925
"Well," said an old gentleman, tn
other day, "I have been torty.seyel