Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1874-01-04
TYPICAL IDIOTS.
Hints for the Formation of the
Gallery OF Idiots.
H..

Prom the Graphic.
By the way, why must every man who
writes a letter to any paper always lug in
some hollow compliment about your valu-
able Journal or ''yOur excellent Daper? -
| wOnderwhat would De the fate OF the man
VINO should Eegin his letter-"Sir: pei
ceiye in your iJStLsOme sheet? ," / think
I'll try i some day.
But, speaking OF your gallery Of idiots,
there are q number of typical idiots, not
confined don't 1 wish they were, } TO any
particular locality, TO whom | would re
specially invite YOUR attention.
There IS the travelling idiOs, who de
velOps Wild enthusiasm over q steamboat
race in which lie is al ingvlGutary sharer.
met him Onr5 GA an Ohio river steam
boat winch was racing at a trightfUl pres
sure OF steam with a rival boat. The tray
cling idiot was standing on a bench watch
ing the other boat and yelling out his en-
thusiasJie conviction that I'VE were beat
ing her.
asked him if he was one Of the officers
Of the boat. He rcpliednO. IhenI asked
him il he was Ole Of The owners or in any
way cOnn0ytsi with hes, or il he knew the
oii.oaTs o. the builder OF the boat or the
rTm that built her eugineS.-IO al Of which
he answered in the negative.
/ then demanded to know why he was so
much pleased because a parcel Of fellows
whom lie did not know were trying 10 blow
up boat which he Ind never seen before,
in reckless effort TO beat another boat
that he knew nothing about.
And the travelling idiot used strnag Ian
guage and said he deSpised man who was
so cpld-blOOded that he would take no III
terest III anything.
After the inquest happened to meet him
again while he was bewailing the less Of
his trunk. He did not recognize me, for
his sight has been q little injured by a col
liSiOn with tho pho, while they were both
a hundred feet in the air. so he did no.
shriUk from exhibiting his Inconsistency by
insisting thai any villain OF a steamboat
captain who wOuid race his boat deserved
to be hang by lynch law.
This typical travelling idiot is met every
day. He is On every steamboat, and on
every railway which is so constructed as to
permit its trains to race with those of an
opposition road.
He travels extensively just at present on
the Flushing and NOrthshOre and on the
New York and Flushing railrOads-two
roads whose tracks lie side by side, and
whose trains daily race with one another,
- 'Ee enormous delight Of the travelling
idiot.
So soon Is 10 inevitable accident takes
place, You VIII find the idiot lOudest IN his
abuse Of the railway company, breathing
out threatcnings and slaughter against any
engineer who races.
Put him in your gallery, BY ali means. If
any one observers = place there he does.
Then there is the theatrical idiot. This
person, who IS usually . seller Of ribbons,
Or ready-InaJe ci,shiHg, or a clerk to some
brOking person in Wall street, believes that
se IL miTaculOusly endowed with n rare
critical faculty.
And SO he goes to the opera and the
theater and critic;sss che actors in a loud
whisper the Wi.gle evening. According to
him al Vpera-singeTs except some one
whom he accepts rs favorite uniformly
tSing fat" Tie doesn't know what il
means, but there is something cOngeniai TO
him in the idea Of '.iiatneSs, and, besides,
he thinks it is good thing 20 say.
No actor that he over saw can play half
so well as the older Wallack. This asser-
tion - makes apr0pOs Of Booth, or Harry
Beckett, or Salvini, or FON. 1t is a good
thing to say, and 40 ne says 1t, wholly ire
spectiye Of the difference between a TRACE
dian, burleSQue actor, a clown and COM
edian.
/ have listened at the theater to the talk
Of the young ribbon person IN front Of me,
or the brokihg Juvenile behind me, until l
have absolutely conc inad and fled from the
theater, .ess I should commit justiRable
homicide and be made an object of public
sympathy and admiration,
merely call yOur attention to these two
prominent and Objectionable idiots, and
ask II YOU VIII not consider the propriety
Of Publishing th0ir ideal portraits among
the others in your new gallery.
You intend, so You say, to publish the
portrait Of the leading idiot in each town
in'the country. Strictly adhered 10, this
rule will bar out the typical travelling idiot
and his peer, the theatrical idiot.
But IN so doing you close yOW gallery 20
the most widely knc%a and Objectionable
Of all living s,iiUls--an injustice which /
ain sure you cannot, after due reflection,
commit,