Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1874-02-27
GRANGE SECRETS REVEALED.
How Initiation. are Conducted.


the lodge (GreenSrocer Temple, No. 101,) l
was told that had been baloled for and
accepted. My informant, who was secure
ly masked, by what l af1erward learned
was large burdUck leaf, perforated with
holes for the eyes, told me that If valued
my life it wouldnbe necessary for me:to
strip. As did consder.tha of considerable
worth 10 me, and as he italicized his wish
es by carelessly playing with a seven-shool-
er, 1 withdrew from my garments with
eagerness. My masked friend then fur
nished me with regala of the first degree
called 1.-THE Festive Plowboy"-which con-
sisted merely Of one large cabbage leaf at
tached 10 a waistband of potato vines. In
this airy costume l was conducted to the
door, where my companion gave three dis
tinct raps. Il was securely blindfolded. by
binding slice Of rutabaga over each eye).
sepulchral voice from within asked:
"Who comes?"
My guide answered: "A youthful agr.-
culturist who desires to become a grang-
er."
Sepulchral Voice-Have you looked him
carefully over?
Guidc-I have, noble gate-kcepcr.
S. V.-Do you find any agricultural
marks about his personH
Gude-I do.
S. V.-What are they?
Guide-The candidate has carroty hair,
reddish whiskers, and turnip nose.
S. Wis well. Why do you desire to
become granger?
Guide answering for candidate)-That /
may be thereby the better enabled TO har-
row up the feelings Of the rascally politi-
clans.
S. V.-You will bring in the candidate
My worthy STRIPPING, as you cannot see,
Will cause you TO feel that you are received
at the door on the three points Of a pitch
fork, piercing the region of the stomach,
which is TO teach you the three great vir-
tues faith, hope and charity. Faith in
yourself, hope for chearn- ''ni machinery,
aud "L~,io Tor the lightning-rcd peddler.
You will now be harnessed, and in repre-
sentation Of the horse, Pegasus, will be
tested as to endurance and wind.
The candidate is here attached TO a small
imitation plow by means Of a hempen har-
ness. dried pumpkin vine is put in his
mouth for bit and brdle.-he is made 10
get down upon all fours, the guide seizes
the bride, and urged on by granger arm
ed with Canada thistle, which be vigor-
ously applies at the terminus of the spine,
the candidate is galoped three times around
the room. While making the circuit the
members arise and sing:
Get up and dust, you bully boy
Who wouldnY be granger7
II the thistle's prick don't cause you joy,
To feeling you must be estranged, eh
Ailer this violent exercise he is rubbed
dry with corn-cobs, beeswaxed where this
tied, and brought standing up before the
great chef-the most worshipiul Pumpkin
Head.
NJ. w. p. H.-wby do you desire to be
granger?
Candidate-(answerng for himsalC)-
That l may learn TO extinguish sewing ma
chine agents.
Al. W. H. II. Ha.S yoSsH Isaa,I, tyvru
hardened with toll?
Candidate-Not extensively, but then l
am not running for office.
NJ. w. p. HTS well, for our lodges
contain several who are supposed to be
ready TO sacrifice themselves for the good
of their constituents. Do you feel pretty
smart, this evening?
Caudidate-Yes, where the hustle goes
on.
NJ. W. p. H.-(savagely)-Give me a
chaw Of tobacker!
Candidate searching himself thoroughly,
but as there is no place about him TO stick
packet, tries TO explain, but the. Most
Worshipful Pumpkin Head interrupts him
with "Neyer mind, my dear young friend
i am well aware that in your present con-
dition you can no more furnish your friends
with the weed than Adam could be COM
Portable in plug hat ard tight boots. 1t
is merely TO leach you the great lesson of
economy-doing TO others as you'd like to
have them do 10 you. You will now be
conducted to the Most Eminent Squash
Producer, who thus says: "My worthy
brother, will now invest you with the or
der Of the festive plow-boy, which you
have well won by your heroic achievement
while harnessed-may you ever wear 1t
with pleasure TO yourself, and may it be a
means of terror TO your enemies"
(The NJ. L. S. p. then proceeds TO in
vest The candidate with the regalia of the
festive plowhoy, which consists of n long
tomato necklace.) "The grand hailing sign
of distress is made by gently closing the
len eye, laying the right forehnger along
side the nose, and violently wagging the
ears. 1t requires practice, but the advan-
tages are intense. 1t also has an important
giOuifnaIinn xtshi ,rsf IL, 10
heed. The closing of the eye signifies that
in all your dealings with mankind you are
bound to have an eye TO business. Laying
the finger alongside the nose is emblemati-
cal OF wisdom, and places you at once
among The knowing ones This is ex-
tremely handy in prognosticating new
weather, and saves the wear and tear of al
manacs. Wagging the ears signifies sub
limity Of purpose, and is thought to be en-
blemati"al of childhood's happy hours. 1t
is also supposed by some profound schol-
ars to have distinct reference TO apple
dumplings, but this fact is somewhat OBJ.
scured by the dust Of ages. In token that
you are one of us, you will now be brand
ed. This ceremony is very impressive, and
consists OF two brands. They are both ap-
piled while the iron is hot and consist of
one letter of the alphabet each. The first is
a large letter S, on which you will please
sit while the other letter is applied to the
stomach. The letter S, my worthy chick
en-. signifies scooped and refers to railroad
monopoles. 1t is also supposed to indicate
the seat of learning-the spot where the
old time teacher hunted for brains with the
ferule. The second letter is c, and is ap-
piled as said before, 10 the stomach. 1t
las double meaning. First, the applica-
tion is an agricultural one, corn crib and
has reference TO the stomach as being the
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