The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-10-30
Beautiful Experience with a Buckeye
Edifn1,

Beautiful Experience with Buckeye
Editor.
I don't suppose that another man ever
lived like that Ohio editor who lifted
me out of the back end of an omnibus
one night, led me up five pairs of stairs
and undertook to tell me how was to
assist in running the local department
of the paper. g You see,' said he, iab-
bing at a cockroach with the shears,
you want to be positive in what you
say; folks here won't believe any of
your suppose SOS and allegations. Say
what you say in words that can't be dis
puted or, if they are disputed, send
the fellow into the other room and I'll
| fix him. He was a great man for fun
he never laughed himself, but he had
high appreciation for humor. He was
always wanting me to get off something
! sharp on some one, no matter who, and
he ran me 50 much had to quit. For
! instance he came down one morning and
julius Cesar ~ h Whyg, ges sir. on the el' o1d 1d
man died years ago. SNo matter, no
matter he went on, "get off some
thing or I'll discharge you" AS $75
year was an object to me then, I handed
III pretty big item. ''That's good
that's positive" he replied, and in it
went. The paper hadn't been out an
hour before dozen were crowding in
| after an explanation. 'tIs your name
C@sar ?" asked the old man of each in
turn. emo" "Well, then, who's run
ming this Caesar business? Amt here
to disseminate knowledge? Don do
her? And he finally threw another
sheet on the "points.' - 90 Now,
Charles, said he again, ''get off lick
on George Misunderstanding un-
der a lively headline" 'But he's
been written up replied. &c No mat
ter-get off something, or here's my
note of hand for the balance due you"
AS his note of hand was rather good
thing to keep, I dug out severe thing
under the head of '' Brutal Outrsg ge."
There was Washingtonian society in
town, and half its members were rush
ing up stairs before the edition was
half off. s' Base wretch" shouted the
President. "Caluminator of genius"
squeaked the old maid Secretary. s'Vile
rascal, Missed young man, with his
hair behind his ears. "Gentlemen and
old maid, began the editor, as he rolled
up his sleeves, "why am here? !? If
any of you know more about George
| Washington than [ do, why just take
and run this Office And they had to
go away with their minds in an unsettled
state. Another time, when he had run
over whole volume of ancient history
without finding one to hit, says he,
'tGet off something on me- That's
just what wanted, and / wrote: 3" We
want wood on subscription to this
paper. Some of our subscribers prom
4 1sed to pay for their paper in wood more
than ten years ago, and it's about time
1 they brought it in. We want wood
wood-wood." It was in July, and
there were thirteen loads of wood in
front of the Office before noon. They
got there about the same time. sand
thirteen farmers came up IN body.
Gentlemen" said the old man, after
they had stated there errands, ''wood
is wood; wood is noun; is is a
verb, and wood is a noun again. The
objective case governs the requirements
of the adverb, which is the possessive
of thirteen loads, according to chapter
seventy-one, rule three" And every
time they went to say anything about
wood he got that off at them, until they
all went down in a body threatening to
vampire him at the first opportunity.
The last thing I have any recollection
of was &c ''getting off something y on the
Mayor of the town. He went by old
Sykes one evening without nodding,
and I had no sooner entered the office
than heard, $50 for Muggs give it
to him hot; yank him all to pieces, and
leave his shattered remains hanging to
the steeple of the courthouse. "But
he" / began, when Sykes came close
up to me, breathing hard, and says he,
''Young man, go for Mugs. L hate to
part with you, but Smith offers to fill
! your situation for dollar less" Sc
{ sat down to do up Muggs. Sykes was
going away, and he left me to my judg.
ment. wrote an article that thought
/ would please the old man for positiv-
ness, and it went under triple heading.
was just locking up the paste pot III
, the burglar-proo safe to keep it from
the rats, and I heard yelling on the
streets and the Office door came in or
me. I saw stars, comets, spots on the
/ sun, new moons, and "came to" in the
r next town, when I sent the following
z dispatch to the old man: eff you car
} pay your board bill stay where you
I are. The press is ruined. The long
: primer is in Hardy's horse-pond. The
r mailing table, the bank, and the new
i Job rack went over the dam last even
r ing. Things ain'tl as they was. We
t made a big hit on Muggs, and he
a retaliated powerfully. I haves hired
= out to quiet old farmer here, and
e think L shan't pursue the 'get-off' bust
= ness any further" In about two month
got reply. Here is all that was said
Young man, always be positive il
your ssertions.-DetroSt Free Press.
u The Earthquake in Guatemala.
> A correspondent of the Panama Sta
: and Herald, writing from Antigua
s Guatemala, under date of Sept. 4, give
an account of the earthquake there OF
Z the previous evening. On the Sd @
Il September, at $50 in the evening, with
; out previous warning, strong earth
quake shook the ground violently, in