The Tipton advertiser., 1874-12-03

nacAe3csic exslamation: "A lsoo!~
Maidealy ezclsuasioa: sAh, nssfs
|. A Michigan wun1n - - nsas
her ninth hsabsad the hap.;sse nea
IN the world.
No wonder Eve wss unh,ppv II
the 0ardcn q Eden. Shs Nd -
dressing glass.
A nothsr-in-law Il not hssvsulv
body, but sAe has beea known d
eclipse hoasynooa.
Al what hour did the Devil uake
his appearance in the Garden of
Edens Sons say IN ~ night. He
certainly caas alts Eve
20 kittensi Ia o. hours of -,
uncertain toys and full Of aeas; when
pain Or anguish hang o'er men, we
turn you into sausage them"
Boston Pess: A little darkey IN
Baltimore amused himself the other
night by pouring tar into II the
street letter boxes. The maik were
late next morning.
"Marry . widowerl Not I!' sid
Matilda. Babies are like tooth
brushes. Everybody wants their
own. Furthermore who wants .
warmed-ovcr manr'
Toledo Herald: Noah Count says
he hates churches where the minis-
ters make him sleepy, and then, il he
yawns, sarcastically invite sons
brother Is "c.osa :Sa: x;adc~."
An English minister said that aif
Scripture said one thing and the
London Times another, Eve hundred
persons out Of every Eve hundred
and ten would believe the nnsss."
A gentleman at West WatervilIe,
Me-, offered 70 lay the plastering Of
the Methodist vestry il . certain
clergyman would carry the mortar.
The clergyman consented, and the
work goes on briskly.
A bashful young clergyman recent
ly rising TO preach for tho 6rst time
made terrible mix Of it and an
nounced bis text in this wise: aAnd
Immediately the cock wept and Pc
ter went out and crew bitterly"
Brooklyn ArgMs: "There arc
thirty or forty different kinds Of re-
ligion in this country, and il worries
the celestial entry clerk immensely
to have people tumbling into heaven
10 such singulsrly assorted lots"
The citizens Of St. Louis are proud
of the residence in their midst Of
beautiful poetess Of . nature 20 sen
si,ive that she recently fain,ed dead
away at the sight Of her little brother
with fine tooth comb in his hand.
A young lady Of Scdgwick county,
Kan, advertises that she will give
1900 for young man who viii love
her in kind and gentle manner.
The trouble about this announcement
10 that there 10 no name mentioned.
A Maryland girl who was under
tree when il Was struck BY lightning
says she thought some one had
thrown his arms around her, and
Maryland girls lament that the season
Of thunder storms has drawn 10 .
close.
A Californis woman has started
six clothes washing and repairing e.
tablishmerts in various parts Of the
State, and married six Cinnamon TO
attend them. She circulates around,
exercising general supervision, and
is making money.
A Helena (Mon.) divine, who has
spent tho best part of the summer in
Christisnizil.g . Ch;naman, thought
he was getting along nicely, until
John made . proposition to him, the
other day, to 'sput in" with him and
start faro bank.
A policeman in Chioag, passing .
house, the other night, heard = wo-
man screaming, 20, Henry, Henry,
come here quick! Susan! mother! tho
baby, Calamity breaking in the
door and rushing up stairs, the officer
found that the baby had just cut .
tooth.
A Saratoga tombstone lifts up .
warning voice to single women in
the following manner: "Emma, dau'r
of Abraham and Matilda c., and
wife Of Theodore S., died August
10, 1868, # &c years, leaving Eve
children-married too young against
her fathers will. Single women,
take warning"
A Kentucky editor says: "Home
without children is like Heaven with
out angels" just let that fellow
wake up some morning when the ba-
by is year old, under the impression
that something serious has happened
to the Holly Water Works in that
neighborhood.
A Lafayette, Indiana, man just as
he was approaching the shining shore,
took his wife's h.nd and said: "Su-
san; you've been . good wife!
We've lived together thirty-two
years, and never found . button of
my shirt! III speak q good word
for you as soon as I git thar"
4 Lafayette, Indiana, mamma ca.
ressed her seventeen-year old girl
with slipper because she wore .
spiral elastic garter to church. The
girl thought it was = necklace, and
wore it as such, while the old lady
said she wouldn't have any such nom
sense in her family on Sundays.
1t is settled, As . rule,
Mans fool;
When lit cold he wants II hot.
When It's hot he wants It cold;
Ever grumblinx at his lot,
Mans . fool.
Meier content with what he has got,
Always wanting what he has net;
You may take IL as rule,
Mans a fool.
A party of young men were out
serenading the other night. They
sat on the edge Of pavement which
had recently been repaired with .
solution of tar. The next morning
-sAA