Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-23
PHUNNYGRAMS.

"A Danbury widower is so afraid of
his wife's ghost appearing unto him that
he sleeps with pistol under his pillow.
There is time for all things The
time for boy to run away from school
and go fishing is when his folks have
company TO tea.
1t Isn't right, and Delaware court
has decided that it isn't, for man to tie
his wife up to hitching-post and leave
her there all night because he finds her
spectacles in the cofee-pot
The days when boys whipped school
masters are gliding silently but surely
away into Aud Lang Syne. All efforts
to revive the eXhilarating custom of late
seem to be attended with disaster to the
boys, and it is to be feared that they will
soon be deprived of every privilege that
once frightened and smoothed the paths
to knowledge.
"A young man was carving goose at
a dinner table one day when by an awk-
ward move he knocked it into the lap of
a lady who was sitting opposite, in all the
glory of green satin dress. Instead of
showing his verdancy by profuse apol-
Ogies and confused manner, he simply
said cpl trouble you for that goose,
Miss ~ Can the annals Of society fur
nish an example of self-pOssession more
sublime?
Little fve-year-old Annie, who was
suffering from a bad cold, went to pay a
visit to auntie During the day she re-
lated her various successes at school and
ended by declaring that she could read a
great deal better than Sabina, who was
eight years old. "Well," questioned
auntie, would it not sound better if
some one else said it?" Eyes," answered
Annie, with a very sober countenance,
think it would. [ have such a bad cold
that1 can't say it very we'll"
=" Hans" said his grandfather one
day, take this jug and go out and get
me some beer" All right, give nae the
money" ooh! it is easy enough to get
beer with money; the thing is to get it
without money" Hans goes out, and
soon returns with the jug. His grand
father, trying in vain to get drink, says:
Hans, this jug is empty" $50 much
the BETTER" replied the urchin; " it is
easy enough to drink beer when the jug
is full; the thing is to get drink when
it is empty!"
A story comes from a neighboring
city in which a young man with strong
lY-QeVelOpeQ tendency LOT playing pEdC-
teal Jokes on his fellow-creatures on the
1st of April was himself victimized. He
attached a fine pocket-knife to fine
linen thread and left the knife in the
street, the string running to the store.
What was his surprise to see man pick
up that knife, put it in his pocket and
walk calmly and serenely away! The ez-
PLANTATION of this phenomenon lies IN the
fact that a carriage had passed over the
string, cutting it in two. He doesn't ike
to hear anybody mention the 1st OF April
now.
One evening recently, when the mall
stage from San Antonio reached point
twentythr miles west of Austin, lex,
it was stopped by three armed men, VINO
cut the front horses out, took all the pas
sengers' money and jewelry, broke open
their trunks and Quilted the mail bags,
taking off one of them and tive OF the
stage horses. Among the passengers were
Bishop Gregg and Mr.. Breckenridge,
President of the National Bank OF San
Antonio, from whom they took 81 900
They secured about $4,000 from the pas
sengers.