The Caucasian. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1874-1875, 1874-05-02
low CONGRESS PURIFIES
>.t'rk ITSELF. ~
Mark Twain Sarcastic.
Extract fren, "Gi'ded Ase.'

t.XlEHCC kFC~ OltucU h8es"
December IS, found Wash.
,gton H1awkins and Coll Sellers
nee more at the capitol Of the ma
ion, standing guard over the Uni
ersity bill. The former gentleman
,as Respondent, the latter hopeful
Westinghouse. distress Of mind was
chiefly on Lauva's account. The
court would soon sit to try her case,
he sail and consequently q great
z eal Of ready money would be nee
/. dad IN the engineering Of it. The
Univ rsity bin was sure to pass,
this time,I and that would make
money 4pAAty, but might not the
help com6st6I late? Congress had
only tjust ass nbled, and delays
were to be 'fosf2dh ! $780,:
"wen,n said stles Golone1, Il
don't know but you are hnre or less
right, there. Now let's figure up a
little on the preliminaries. / think
Congress always tries to do as near
right as it can, according to its
lights. A man can't ask any tairer
than that. The first preliminary it
always starts3pts on, is to clean
81 itself SO to speG: 1t will arrais,l
two or three dozen OF it's members,
or may b four or five dozen, tor tax
ling bribeskEote for this and that
and the other bf1l last.winter.'
sit gees up into ths dozens,
does itg0
"Well, yes; in a free country
like ours, where any man can run
for Congress and anybody can vote
for him, you can't expect immortal
purity all the timc-it amt in ma
ture. Sixty or eighty or hundred
and fifty people are bound to get
in who are not angels in disguise,
us young Hicks the correspondent
says: but still it is a very good
average; very good indeed. AS
long as it averages as well as that,
I think We can feel very well salts
fed. Even i'll these days, when
people growl so much and the
newspapers are so out of patience.
there is still a very respectable mi
nority of honest men in Congress-
Why a respectable minority OF
honest, men can't do any good, Col
onel." %
Ooh, yes it can, tDo."
"Why, how "
@ Oh, in many ways. many ways
But what are the ways Z"
"WclEI don't know-it is a
question that requires time; body
can't answer every question right
off-hand.. But 1T does do good.
ain satisfied of that" .
"All right, then; grant that it
does good; go on with the prelimi
naries."
"That is what I am coming to-
First, as I said, they will try a LOT
of members for taking money fol-
votes. That will take tour weeks
i" Yes, that's like last year; and
lit is sheer waste Of the time fol
which the nation pays those men te
qcork-that is what that is. And il
pinches when a body's got q bill
waiting"
"A waste Of time, to purify the
fountain of public law? Well,
never heard anybody express al
idea like that before. But if il
were, it would still be the fault o.
the minority, for the majority don't
institute these proceedings. Their
is where thatSminority becomes al
= obstruction-but still one can't say
it is on the wrong side. Well, after
they have finished the bribery
cases, they will take up cases 0
members who have bought .theil
seats with money, That will take
another four weeks" Q
--" Very good; go. on. You hav,
accounted for two thirds Of the SEES
sion.7
"Ncxt they will try eacb othe
for various smaller irregularities
@ like the Gale OF appointments t.
West Point cadetsllips, and tina
sort Of thing-mere tritling pocket
emoney enterprises that might bet
ter be passed over in silence, per
haps, but then one of our Congress
cs can never0rcst easy till it ha
thoroughly purified itself of al
blemishes-and that o. a thing tt
, be applauded." %
"How long docs it take 70 disin
feet itself Of these minor impuri
ties 2"
g. Well, abogt two weeks, gene
$50 Congress always lies help
less in quarantine Ten weeks of ;
session. That's encouraging. Col
onel, poor Laura will never get any
benefit from our bill. Her tria
.,-:ll IA oxor hoTnrn rorrrocc hos