Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-08-06
Varieties Of All Kinds.

sale by auction in a Broadway dry
goods store, are nine wire women.
When you are hunting for stars.
which should you try TO find first2
The dog star and pointers OF course.
A clergyman in this State who re-
Gently had donation party, has
beans enough TO last him twenty
years.
1t is more difcult 10 frame an ox-
cuse than an oil painting, though
they are both works of the imagiua.
ton.
An old lady advises young girls
who want TO remember anything TO
write it down and paste it on the
looking glass.
"Kind words arc wonderful in
their way" says an exchange, "but
so far as children 60, bootjack ox-
erts more powerful influence.
Two young ladies holding converse
over new dress-"And does it fit
well 2" asked one. "Fit! Yes; as
if | had been melted and poured
in"
The old gentleman who spent a
fortune in endeavoring to hatch colts
from horse chestnuts, is now cultiva-
ting the egg plant with view to
raising chickens from it.
A witty moralist says that "many
man thinks it's virtue that keeps
him from turning rascal, when its
only q fall stomach. One should be
careful, and not mistake potatoes for
principles
A negro boy was driving a mule
in Jamaica, when the animal sudden
ly stopped and refused to bulge.
won't go, ehf" said the boy.
Feel grand do you? ] s'pose you
forget your fader was n jack-ass."
The drummers came down like
wolves on the fold, their toes were
all frosted, their noses all cold.
Their weather-peeled bugles soon
shone through the town, they COB
bled the money and salted it down,
then took lew orders and lit out of
here, with their heads full of busi-
ness and skins full of beer.
"Dnd. if I were to see Il duck on
the wing, and were TO shoot it, would
you lick me?" 80, no, my son, II
would show you were n good marks.
man, and | would be proud Of you"
"Well, then, dad, peppercd our old
Muscovy duck as he was Ayin' over
the fence to-day, and it would have
done you good to sec him drop"
The following is an instance of
The severely calm" style of Western
reportorial description: Yesterday
morning a boy sauntered up to a
yard on Eighth street, where wo'
man was scratching the bosom of the
earth with n rake, and, leaning on
on the fence, said, Are you going
round the back yard after whileY
The woman said she didn't know,
maybe she would. Why? Because
tlr boy said, Il just saw the cistem
lid drop on the baby's head min
ute ago, and thought if you went
around YOU might lift it OF 1t is
currently reported that the woman
went.
Brigham Young's style Of conycr-
sation is given in Il book 10y General
Rushing. When asked why he did
not bring goods by way Of Colorado,
he replied: at is extraordinary,
surelyl For ten years now, and more,
Eve been trying TO talk it into our
people, that the Colorado is our true
route. But Californy has done nuth-
en- to open it, or draw US toward her,
while New York keeps tight hold Of
us and it is mighty hard to change
the course of trade and travel" And
then slded by way of comment,
"When things git set, it takes heap
to alter 'em, you bet"
One long summer afternoon there
came to Mr.. Davidson's the most Gu
rious specimen of an old bachelor
the world ever heard of. He was
old, gray, wrinkled and odd. He
and Aunt Patty had it hot whenever
chance threw them together yet still
he camS and it was noticed that
Aunt Patty took unusual pains with
her dress whenever he was expect
ed.
One day the contest waged rnu-
sually strong, and Aunt Patty left in
H.. --.d went ou. into the g"
den.
THAT bear I" she muttcred to her
self, as she stopped to gather a flower
which attracted her attention.
"What did you run for!' said a
gruf voice behind hes.
80 get rid Of you"
you didn't do it, did you "
"No you arc worse than q bm-
dock burr"
"You won't got rid Of nc, either.
81 won't, chr
"Only in one way"
"And that?'
"Marry me"
What u two fools gct marricd
What would 4he world say
"That', no,hin' 10 us. Come, say
yes OF no; I'm IN hurry.
"Well, 10 then
Very well; good bye, | shant
come again"
stop 4 bii-what pucker you're
in"