The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-08-01

i Smother, Bring Ny Little Kitten" is the pa
thctic title to new price Of sheet music Some
body asks the author TO issue next, Daddy, die
You Drown the Pup"
An autograph letter of George Washington
was sold in Boston last week for $40. The young
man who wrote it got but 70 cents. There is
very little justice in this worh
A man who was about to be hanged in Aldba
ma, sang as he stood with the moose about ms
neck, "oh, the bright angels are waiting Tor me-
Whereupon tfc local editor fendshiy wrote
And then the angels stirred up the IRE aho
looked brighter than ever
"Nesthiding" is a new and and expressive
word for which the world is indebted to the gen
lius Of ii. W. Beccher, and which will doubtless
20 into the next new dictionary. AT present
committee is diligently engaged in new play
called nest hunting, which must be chock-'uii Of
sport, as all OF them know just where II Is!
It was not a flag Of truce" nor "lettcr in the
post office" that was eecn protrudlng from the
neither intcgumcnts of ii year ola louhG
America but bit of paper, and as II nu'tcFeo
down upon the sidewalk some one picked 1t up
ard this is what was written on itin bold, sprawl
| ing hand:
| We will 90 in swimming whenever we oarr
please and won't come any extra shenanlgal
| about getting our hair dry to sell the ioiks a.
! home We are willing to do the square tnihg Oy
our parents, but we amt cut ont Tor tendihG pa
| bics, and We won't do any manual or giriuai Ia
| Dor about home that does not come within u
| boys sphere, and not that If it intcrfercs win
| the hours of play which health demands poys
should have, that is, from O'Clock in the morn
| Ing till in the evening, with intermissloiiS iUr
meals; straps, cowhdes nor yet slippers Will
have any effect on us. IL thcy Try lha' gue,
GOOD bye John for all crrands and choresIthat
5 the Kind OF hairpins we are" Signed, "All OF
us boys"
A Chicago woman bases her ground for divorce
on the plea that her husband smokes snort
pipe, though what that has to do with the SUB
jcct we don't know.
English critics award high praise to Josh Bill
ings's book, and divcsting it Of its faulty or
biography, pronounce it equal to Montague
The following is a good specimen OF his style;
After seycril wears NV rctccktion, have come
TO the konclusion that the three most diilikult
things in life are-l. Carryln' an arlnlui OF i've
cells up Il steep hill without spilln' an eel. =
Aktin as referee at dog aght WITHOUT gettIh
mad. s. Edith Il newspaper
Boss Tweed Is to have q larger and better
room owing 10 the representations Of the physi.
clans and wardcns Of the penitcntary. HIS CID
quarters are too .mall,--JOld Republicdn.
"Boss" Shepherd is at Long Branch, hohnobing
with Grant, Babcock aud Stocking. 1t would be
more appropriate if lis quarters were little
smaller
cotcmporary sagely remarks:
People who honor their father and their moth
er have the comforting promise that their days
shall be long upon the land. They are not suiii-
GENTLY numerous to make the insurance compa-
ries think it worth their while TO otter them spe-
Cial rates.
Over in vinton, Town, where mo license pre-
walls, the young men enjoy themselves by taking
kcg of beer to the woods and bringing it back
again rs inside passenger
Kansas justice, on his first attempt to marry
Il couple, got little confused, but feeling the
necessity of ciinching the ceremony with some
appropriate words, blurted out:
"Iet no man bust asunder
What this day join thunder"