The Placer herald., 1874-01-17
SCISS8RiNUTUMS.
Head-light--Bright eyes. -,a v
A bosom friend-A diamond tfm. =


A bosom friend-A diamond tin. -l "a
An imaginary quantity-A lady's age.
A drunken fellow who attempted to scalp
the mast-head Of a ship fell overheard. II
The Rochester Dem. Chron. says:
''Hard dimes again no u6orc." di % 'i-9D
Do not run in debt to q shoemaker: M
unpleasant to be abk 10 say yout sole ,
your own. g~
A Georgia convict was hanged recently
for killing The wrong man. The right ono
witnessed the ceremony.
A minister walked six miles to marry
couple lately. He said he felt sort Of fee
bill like. The groom saw it. months
The English are sorry that the Spahialds
are killing each other in civil war-it makes
oranges go scarce in England. LA,
A cliropodist announces on his business
cards ",hat he has removed cofns from
several Of the crowned heads ofEhfope."
A dandy asked BARRIERS boy If he bad
ever shaved monkey? "No, Sir, an
swered the lad, "but if you'll take . seat
III try" nr nfr.t oifsniav sal
A halter in Tere Haute, Wis. hD Z
bundle of old unpaid bills hung up in tks
store labelled "The reason why don't give
credit" -
A rural editor describing an assault, sayss
"Lsenm was Knocked sensible" The ed
itor was evidently never struck that way.
Jones, being told that he looked seedy.
and asked what business he was in. replied
",lhe hard wear bus iness--look at my ward.
robe" g.N lsa
1t is reported that Father Brazil, of Des
Moines, recently treated thirteen gentle
men and two newspaper reporters" to the
Such fame oysiersI g
A recent el ost was head sitgihg:.-
- Twas q cough that carried me ohf:
Twas c. FIN they cairitd me of in" ii
"Owing to the absence of the editor,
this weeks irsue will be found unususlly
spicy" says the Office devil Of the Cresion
Times. WHO was l,ft in charge for = week.
Owing 10 John Robin.on's circus com.
ing 10 town, the rul'r Thursday evening
prayer meeting has been portponed, isid .
recent number Of the Enterprise, Dallas,
Tex. .,.ff,1i. tt.. ra sdam iw asl
A Southern editor announces bis intention
of securing ball, if tne of sufficient d.
mensions cun he found, for tie purpose Of
holding convention of the authors Of tho
"Beautiful Snow" r n.r. 81 tr
Somebody in Georgia court appIauded,
wLereupon, the Judge 1--WE quote from tho
Griffin Ne,cs) Indignantly remarked. "Now
dry up; will let you know that this is no
camp-meeting."
Through trials and troubles VIC must al
pass on our way TO the grave. Mr.. Perfect
the colcred man who was hung at Joliet.
Ill. had an unusual share Of trials-thres
in two years, aid conviction every time. o.
A New Hampshire school committee I'd.
veriise Tor school teacher, and add that
"no wcman need apply which parts her bsts
on one side and wears shirts open behind"
A young lady, in conversing with q gensls-a
'leman. spoke Of having resided in St. Louis
"M as St. Louis your native place?" asked
the gentleman. "Well, yes--part Of ths
time" responded the lady.
A Southwestern editor whose photography
has been somex hat neglected, or else wLoss
compositors Use him III, remarks that '-exa'
President johnson argus WE'LL" The allu.
sion TO argus is delicate and appreciative. sg,
A Nevada paper says ".rhe many fr;cnds
of Bill Thompson will regret to hear that be
was dashed up by a catamount to-day, % !
Nixons hill, while laying in wait to shoot
Chinaman. This was always world of
disappointment" I.t
Says the Atcbinsoh Globe: "Whle the
soldiers were digging up the dead at Fort
Kearney last week, one coffin was taken up
that " as literally filed with snakes. Some
wag remarked that it was plain enough
what that fellow died Of" .fr
Over the shop-door Of pork butcher. in
an English village in the Eastern counties.
may be seen sign board representing man
in black coat brandishing hatcbet. with
the inscription, "JoLn Smith kills pigs like
his father"
A young lady from Georgetown came to
me CITY Ihe other day 10 nave ner picture
taken. When the artist showed her the
proof ard asked her how she liked il, she
placdly remarked that he "put too darned
much mouth on il to suit her." A.,
A Troy editor took his wife to New York
the other day. The conductor, when be
came along, recognized our Troy brother a.
entitled to free passage, but not knowing
the lady, whispered to him: "Is this lady :
friend Of yours?' "No. NO." said the Troy
editor in haste, "she is my wife,"
"Where are you going /" said . young
gentleman to an elderly one in white era
vat, whom he overlook few miles from
Little Rock. IL am going to heaven, my
son. have been on the way eiehtseu
years" "Well. good-by. old fellow. il you
have bAen fray olinc, Inward haavAu for