Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-03-18
Wit. HumOr and Wisdom.

Wit. HumOr and Wisdom.
A CowARDLY assault-To beat re-
treat.
No WISE man everwished to be young.
The worst men often get the best adj
vice.
NOTHING dies without in some way
leaving trace of existence.
FRIENDSHIP is the wine of existence ;;
love, the dram drinking.
MOMENTS of triumph are not always
moments of happiness.
WASTE nothing, neither time, money
nor talent
ALWAYS tell the truth you will find
it easier than lying.
BEWARE ov the man who IL alwuzz
reddy to swop old friends for new ones.
The dog that will phollow everybody
ain t worth a kuss.
WHEN [ pla whist aluzz like phool
for a partner, for they do hold such
good hands.
IT is easy to look down on others to
look down on ourselves is the difficulty.
"WHAr's port to you is death to me, :"
as the equity man said to his son.
He who gives a trife meanly is far
meaner than the trifie.
If saloon-keeper gets rich, it is be-
cause he makes many good bargains.
LAST words of the criminal" Foget
me, knot"
SOME people have their thinking, like
their washing, done out.
WHEN our ancestors wanted hot
rum punch, they said so without evasion
they did not call it excited rum.
NEXT to the sweetness of having a
friend whom you can trust is the con-
venience of possessing a friend who
will occasionally trust you.
A MAN was boasting that he had been
married twenty years and had never
given his wife cross word. Those who
know her say he didn't dare to.
ARE blacksmiths who make a living
by forging, or carpenters who do little
counter fitting, any worse than men who
sell iron and steel for living.
MEET great menny men whose talk
is like a bunch of fre-krackers when
they are first touched oph, full ov pop
for a fu minnits, and then all IL over.
WITHOUT mummy, without friends,
and without impudence, IL about as
low down in this world az emmy man
kan get, and keep virtewous.
EVEN with an octagonal watch, I'M
horse and a yellow sleigh, he can only
skirmish on the outskirts Of good So
ciety.
IRIS rather remarkable that, while
several thousand feet are required to
make one rood, single foot properly
applied, is often sufficient to make one
civil.
The sunbeams are composed of mil
lions of minute rays; SO home-hght
must be constituted of little tender
nesses, kind looks, sweet laughter and
loving words.
The last joke-one that was left over,
perhaps-respec the poultry exhi-
bition at Music Hall, was that of the
person who took it to be fower-show,
because there were SO many cro-cusses
there.
"MATRTMoNY'' said a monern Bene-
dict, the other day, produces remark
able revolutions. Here am [, for in
stance, in ten short months, changed
from signing lover to loving sire %
IT is wonderful how many aliases can
be given to what is vulgarly called a
poultry show The Boston Globe calls
it chen opera In view of the fact
that hens attempt to produce nothing
but the simplest lays, this designation
seems rather far-fetched.
PATRICK, dear, come in and go to
bed, jist, % said the wife of jolly son OF
Erin, who had just returned from the
fair in a decidedly " how-come-you-so
state. "You must be dreadful tired
wild your long walk sArrah! git
away wild yer nonsense, said Pat. "It
wasn't the length ov the walk that ia.
tigued me. Twas the bredth of it. %
MISTAKEN ASPIRATIONS.
There did she mourn - Mistaken aspiration
Is self-damnation.
He who himself hath misappreciated,
Is twice Inflated.
For what his nature never may attain
He pines in vain,
Whilst in his natural home where r it be-
A stranger he !"