Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-11-04
Facetia.

AiiEAcT is worth thousand state
ments.
i FRUITFUL in axe-idents-A chopping
sea. .... .
A HIGH note-One OF a thousand dol
lars.
MOONLIGHT mechanics is the latest for
burglars. 81 '2s1
The latest Irish fashion is home
rule hat. It has no crown.
A MAN who ''salts down" his cash
General Penny packer.
A FALL pippin, coal stove and a
newspaper are not bad things to sit up
with. .a.#
WHAT is the use of talking of this
worlds brightness and sunshine to q
man that has tight boots
| DAEw1N's DARL1NGs is the suggestive
name of newly organized negro MIN
strel troupe at the west. ....
The most bitter critics we have are
, those who have failed themselves to
write anything worth reading.
The keeper of restaurant in New
York announces ''paroxysnal stews" as
a specially on his bill of fare. a
| The English folks have grown tired
of lending Joaquin Miller money, and
he has got to go home and go to work.
, He who has got nothing to do in this
world but amuse himself, has got the
hardest job on hand I know Of. @ ".
| A WASHINGTON newspaper claims to
have made an impression on gas COM
pany Don't believe it.
In the case of Kansas man being
struck by lightning the coroner's jury
rendered verdict: g He was killed by
the Lord, but the Lord is all right"
A MEMPHIS policeman thought that
his orders included all cases of drunken
ness, and, therefore, arrested the Mayor
and was discharged.
Ii you wake up in the night in an
italian hotel and shoot a burglar, the
chances are that you can't see the land
lord next morning, and that his wife is a
widow.
Miss Hebron, the prima donna, is
said to blush like school girl" Eng
lish school girl is probably meant.
Blushing is one of the lost arts in this
country. +s.
"MY dear sir, said candidate, &C
costing stray wag on the day of cleo
ton, 81 am very glad to see YOU"
g You needn't be, replied the wag, CT
have voted
A LADY in a menagerie being asked
why she 80 closely scanned the elephant
with her opera glass, remarked that she
was "looking for the keyhole of his
trunk"
HEAVEN, according to the idea of
Vermont clergyman, is 125, 100000
miles from the earth, and Blobbs stop
ped being good at eight o'clock this
morning He says it's too far off.
The Count de Chambord duly notifies
his friends to hold themselves il readi-
ness for any event. The general i'm
preston out West is that Chambord
must be going to treat.
A MICHIGAN farmer complains that he
is not receiving half the campaign
speeches this year necessary to light his
fires, and he has had to make a shaving
contract with cooper shop.
THE belief is becoming stronger every
day in the East, that if John Morrissey
should give Harvard or Yale College
$3.50, 900 the Lord would commence On
entire new account with him.
WHEN the yellow corn signs to be
husked, and the golden pumpkins yearn
to be gathered, it is no time for paper
to stop and argue whether Edna Dean
Proctor is nineteen or ninety.
AN attempt was to have been made
last week to get up another woman's
crusade in Cleveland, but three or fonr
of the leaders were disa appointed about
their Fall bonnets, and the affair didn't
come off.
A RICH but parsimonious old man,
on being taken to task for his uncharit-
ableness, said: True, [ don't give
much, but if you only knew how it
hurts when L give anything, you
wouldn t wonder.
AN inquiring man thrust his fingers
into horses mouth to see how many
teeth he had. The horse closed his
mouth to see how many fingers the man
had. The curiosity Of each was fully
satisfied.
els that your offspring, madam %
asked a Missouri judge of woman who
had hold Of stub-nosed boys hand.
No, sir, she replied, g this is my
oldest boy.
The matrimonial market has picked
up SO fast since September that one New
Hampshire Clergyman has laid in three
barrels of beans, barrel of cider and
three dried calf skins.
"DoN'T prevarieate, sir!' Numbered
Judge Shell to witness. ''Can't help
1t, Judge" answered the youth. Ever
since / got q kick from mule, that
knocked my teeth out, [ prevancate
good deal"
MARRY for love, young men, but re-
member that it's as easy to love girl
whose pa has a hundred thousand in
hank as one whose old man sits up be-
! hind q pair of mules and yells:
"Whoat YOU Pete, or I'll take your ear