Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1874-06-20
A storr ornn old Rnohslor /.

of the field of Cupid. He was one
of those rough and honest spirits,
often met with his gallant profes-
sion, innocent as an infant of almost
every thing save high integrity and
indominitable bravery. He was
nearly fifty years old, and his tolls
were over, when Master Don Cupid
brought him acquainted with a wild
ow Wadman, in whose eyes he be
gan to detect something that made
him uneasy. Here was the result:
During his service he had never
seen anything worthy of notice IN a
woman's eve. In fact, he would
scarely have observed whether wo-
man had three eyes i'll her head or
only one. for, no matter where his
own ewes were, his thoughts were
among "guns and drums and
wounds" and love was a thing
that lived in his memory just as he
remembered once reading a vision
in story book, called the "Arabian
Nights Entertainments" when a
boy.
We'll, the General had settled
down an amiable gentlemanly fellow
living alone, with comfortable
wealth around hims and having little
to do, save now and then to enter
tain an old conrad in arms, when
eompanionship afforded opportunity
for him to eight his battles Ger
again" But alas! DER this calm
evening of the old Generala day a
deal of perplexity was doomed to
fall, and he soon found himself in
troubled waters, the depth of which
he could by no means understand.
He houndered about like Gagged rat
under a pump, and such another
melancholy fish out of water, never
before swallowed the bait, hook and
all, angling god of love.
The poor General! We must give
him name, or we can't tell the sto-
ry; and the best name for such a
story is Uncle Toby. The poor
General debated abstractly about his
new position, and never had siege
OF campaign given him such per-
pIexity before.
At length, however, the blunt hon
estY of his disposition rose upper
most among his conflicting plans,
and his course was chosen. At school
he once studded "Othello's De
fense," to recite at an exhibition, but
made a great failure; and now he
recollected there was something in
defense" very much like what he
wanted to say. He got the book
Immediately, found the passage,
clapped on his hat with determined
air, and posted off to the Widow
Wadman's with Shakespeare under
his arm.
MADAM" said General Uncle To.
by, opening his book at the marked
place, with the solemnity of a, spe.
cial pleader at the bar-"Madam-
Rude as 1 am III my speech,
And little blest with the sci praise Oi
peace;
For since these arms 1f mine had sever
years pith.
| Till now some nine moons wasted, they
have used
| Their dearest action in the tented field:
And little of this world can l speak,
More than pertains TO fears Of broils ant
battle;
And therefore"
Here the General closed the book
wiped his forehead, looked up at the
ceiling, and said with a spasmodic
gasp:
'I q0Gaat too get naarried!''
The widow laughed ten minutes
by the watch, before she could utter
syllable, and then she said, with
precious tears of humor rolling down
her good natured cheeks:
"And who is it you want to mar
~, General?"
"Youp' said Uncle Toby, flourish
ing his sword arm in the air, and as
sumiug a military attitude of def.
ance, as if he expected an assault
from the widow immediately.
"Will you kill me if l marry your
said the widow with merry twinkle
in her eye.
'No, madam" replied Uncle To.
by, in a most serious and deprecia
ting tone, as if to assure her that
such an idea had never entered into
his head.
"Well then, 1 think I'H marry
you," said the widow.
"Thank you, ma'am," said Uncle
Toby; "but one thing am bound tc
tell you of, madam aoear a qoi6!'
The widow started, remained 81
lent a moment, and then went into
a longer, louder, and merrier laugh
than she had indulged in before; al
the end of which she drew her seat
nearer to the General, gravely laid
her hand on his head, gently lifted
his wig off, and placed it on the ta-
bic.
General Uncle Toby had never
known fear in hot battle, but he now
felt a most decisive inclination tc
run away. The widow laughed
again, as though she never would
stop, and the General was about to
lay his hat on his denuded head and
bolt, when the .racetious lady placed
her hand upon his arm and detained
him. She then deliberately raised
the other hand to her own head,
with sort of military precision, ex-
e3uted rapid maneuvre with her
five fingers, pulled off her whole
head of fine glossy hair, and placing
it upon the table by the side of the
Generals remained seated with lu-
dicrous gravity in front of her ac-
cepted lover-qaite bald.
As may be expected, Uncle Toby
now laughed along with the widow,
and they soon grew so merry over
the affair, that the maid servant
peeped through the keyhole at the
noise and saw the old couple dancing
a jig, and bobbing their bald pates
at each other like pair OF Chinese
Mandarins. So the two were short.
ly united.