Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-11-28
MATRIMONIAL MATTERS.

dress.
Mr. Beet and Miss Pickle we're married a
short time ago.
A mother-in-law is not heavenly body, but
she has been known to eclipse a honeymoon.
Music at marriages is becuming common, says
an exchange. Not so common as music alter
marriage.
John Henry says that when, after a night of
restless dreams, his wife asks him 10 the cool
of the morning what 'ante up and see you
two better mean, be even wishes that he were
dead.
The meanest man has just been discovered in
Washington county, Iowa. de has applied for
divorce on the ground that his wife Is an ln-
valid,
A Parisian with two wives, seeing his status
to be unlawful, attempted to correct 1t by
very impartally poisoning both of them. Aud
now, after taking the law into his own hands,
the law proposes to dccapitate him.
In Wisconsin, the other day, a wedding pro-
cession aud funeral procession met and got so
badly mixed that half the people living near
the scene declare that they saw funeral
procession accompanied by brass baud,
while the other half are ready to swear that
a wedding procession passed, headed by
hearse.
Ar old man of sixty out West stepped into a
pan Of milk bis wife of ftty-eight had loadver-
tently left on the cellar stairs, and the pan was
tipped over and the milk spilled, and quarrel
inauguratcd that has resulted in au application
by the husband for divorce. That old fellow
has lived years enough to know the folly of cry
ing for spilled milk.
A st. Louis woman, separated from her hus-
band, recently sent him long list of PROPOSE.
tious. upon his acceptance of which she would
live with him again. Woman like, she Indicated
the only real cause of difference in postscript,
as follows: Your mother must leave the house
at once and forever"
A Western editor wants to know why it is
that, in cases of domestic intelicily, where
another woman is concerned, the Injured vile
usually assais the other woman, and don't go
for her husband. The reason is that he is still
her husband, and she is obliged to preserve
what little beauty he possesses, while she feels 1t
great moral duty to make that other woman as
unattractive as possible, Besides, she can take
it out" of her husbaod at leisure with her ton-
que. weapon OF which the other woman Is not
In the least afraid.
"Your young friend stayed uncommonly late
last night, and was quite Inclined to come in o
the parlor and dismiss him." said an indulgeut
father to his pet OF sixteen. "Oh, yes it was
pretty late; but we got so interested 10 discus
sing ritualiSm that we did not notice the fleet
ing hours, papa' "Discussiug rtualiSm p
sterpy querried the father, and then be walked
slowly away with his hands under his coat
skirts, trying to remember what they called 1t
when he was young.
A rich laudholdcr of La Beauce arrived with
his wife and two daughters at the Grand Hotel
in Paris the other day Room No. III was
assigned to the father aud mother, and No ll9
to the young ladies, who retired about ii
o'clock on the evening of th cir arrival. After
they had gone to bed the elder Of Tie girls lett
her room, wishing to get more air. The hall
was lit, but she had no candle She returned.
after few minutes rather sleepy and jumped
quickly into bed. II am frozen, she said to
her sister, warm me up. with pleasure,
responded a bass voice. The young girl gave
shrek and bounded from the room. She
had entered No. l2l, having mistaken it tor
her own room, No. 49, For the next eight
days she did not dare to leave her apartment.
Finally, venturing to so down to the table
d dhote, she fouud herself placed by the side OF
q military gentleman of distinguished appear
auce. The Joint was brought, and our heroine
asked her neighbor, the officer, to pass the
salt. with pleasure" answered the voice
she had heard 10 her night adventure, ADD she
tainted away. Her marriage to the officer will
soon take place.
DIAMOND RINGS STOLEN On Wednesday
a tashionabIy dressed map entered L. D. Bym-
mer & Co.'S. jewelry store, Broadway, New
York, ,aud asked the clerk to show him some dia-
mond rings. Two plates of rings were shown
him, and he examined them. He requested
the clerk to put number of the rings, 10 a
better light, as he desired to test them. Seem:
inply not satisfied with the selection. he asked
to be shown some rings of greater value, and
while the clerk was looking for another plate
OF rigs another man called upon Mr.. Bymmer
and inquired the price of handsome bronze
clock Seemingly pleased, he said that he
would call again with his wife, and quietly