davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

SOME sarcastic writer has remarked
that" With four metallic qualifications
man may be pretty sure Of earthly
success. These are-gold in pockets,
silver in his tongue, brass in his face, and
iron in his heart" With these man
would be tolerably well prepared to
make his way through in life, we must
acknowledge but this world is so wick
ed that we would recommend, in addi-
ton to the above, an India-rubber con-
science.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A CHINAMAN entered a store in Helena
Montana, the other day, and walking up
to the counter, deposited a grasshopper
thereon, saying as he gazed upon the
clerk with a confding look: "He too
muchee hoppee; all hoppee--stop him.
You sabbee ?" The obliging clerk at
once commencedmeasuring off mosquito
bar, to the intense delight of the heather.
The grasshoppers had been destroying
his garden, and wanting to purchase some
mosquito bar, but not knowing the name
for it, he brought the destroyer with him,
and the clerk understood in q moment
the article needed.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THEODORE Hook was at some large
party or other where the lady of the
house was more than usually coarsely
anxious to get him to make some sport
for her guests. A ring formed round
him of people only waiting words en-
couragement to burst out into violent
laugh. "Do, Mr.. Hook, do favor us ="
said the lady for the hundredth time.
"Indeed, madam, can't can't in
deed. I am like that little bird, the ca
nary; can't lay my eggs when any one is
looking at me-"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

BEAUTY has so many charms one
knows not how to speak against it, and
when it happen that graceful figure is
the habtation Of a virtuous soul, when
the beauty Of the face speaks out the
modesty and humility of the mind and
the business Of the proportion raises our
thoughts up to the heart and wisdom OF
the great Creator, something may be al
lowed it, and something to the embellish-
ment which sets it off; and yet when the
whole apology is read, it will be found at
last that beauty, like truth, never is so
glorious as when it goes the plainest.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THEY tell queer story about the doc
tors in a certain Texas town, who were
all away last summer to attend medi-
cal convention. They were absent about
two months, and on their return found
that all their patients had recovered, the
drug stores had closed, the nurses had
opened dancing school, the cemetery was
cut up into building lots, the undertaken:
had gone into making fiddles, and the
hearse had been painted and sold for O
circus wagon,
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THE other day a merry faced and
bright-eyed Milesian was arraigned for
disorderly conduct. The Judge inquired
very angrily, "Are you not ashamed to
be here?" Indeed I am, your Honor"
"You are in very disreputable company
II know it, your Honor" "It is shame
full" "Too true" was the penitent re-
joinder. "If l permit you to go this time
will you ever be caught in such company
again?" "Not unless your Honor sends
for me-" was the reply.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A DUTCHMAN once made fort une by
the milk trade, sold out and started for
the fatherland. His gold was tied up in a
bag. A monkey caught up the bag and
climbed up to the masthead. The evil
genius then commenced throwing the
gold pieces, first one on the deck and the
other into the sea. Himmelr ex-
claimed the Dutchman, chow doosh de
little fellow know how to devite monish.
Dot which come by de water, he throws
into de water, and so much vich comes
by de milk he gives to me.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A LITTLE boy and girl had been eau
toned never to take the nest egg when
they gathered the eggs in the barn, but
one evening the girl reached the nest first,
seized the egg, and started for the house.
Her disappointed brother followed, crying
" Mother mother Lucy's been and got
the egg the old hen measures by ~
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THE Dunkers, a sect of German Bap-
fists, have decided in their national con-
vention that no member of that church
should keep piano or other ungodly in
strument of sound in his house. A Dun
ker family would be good place for
boarders of quiet tastes.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

AN old maid in Lockport, N. Y, pur-
chased one of the Egyptian mummies at
the Niagara Falls Museum, the other
day, for parlor ornament. She said it
would seem better to have a man around
even if he was advanced in age and
somewhat withered.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

GUNNYBAGs dunned Smith for the
amount due on account, and Smith wrote
saying Gunnybags must let the account
stand while longer. Gunnybags wrath
lily replied that he wouldn't. "Then let
it rum" retorted Smith, and Gunny bags
was madder than ever.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

AN engagement in Lancaster has been
abruptly broken off. The gentleman saw
one of his sweetheart's stockings floating
from a clothesline and the dilapidated
condition Of its extremities caused an
immediate revulsion Of feelings on his
part. The lady always darns her stock
ings now before washing them.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

NASHUA furnished some beautiful
moral lessons, yesterday morning a lit
tie boy ran away from school and was
fatally injured while playing on the rail
road, and barrel of beer exploded and
almost killed the man who was carry
ing it.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A KIND word spoken to husband will
go further than a broomstick or fiat
iron, says a woman Of experience. And
the rule works as well the other way,
says a man who has tried it.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

"AND so they 60" One of the late
Portland school committee is reported to
have said: "Our great men are ia st de-
parting. First Greeley, then Chase, and
now Sumner-and l don't feel very well
myself"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18
A WOMAN in the W0nean's Journal

A WOMAN in the Woman's Journal
writes
"Girls in treating dissipated young
men as equals do wrong which they
can scarcely realize. Such men should
be made to feel that until they redeem
themselves and walk with correctness
and honor in the path of right, good peo
PIE will stand aloof from them. Girls
who respect themselves will not be seen
with such young men, and will decline
10 receive them on the familiar footing Of
friendship. 1t is a mistaken friendship
TO poultice when caustic is needed, and |
am inclined to think that little sharp
decision on the part of the girls of to day
would 90 far to correct the general loose
ness Of the morality among young men,"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THE witty wife of physician advised
her husband to keep away from the fu-
nerals of his patients, as it looked too
much like tailor carrying home his own
work.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A GENTLEMAN says he is convinced of
the efficacy in printers ink, as he put
some around tree which had never
borne fruit previously, and this year he
had two barrels of apples from that tree.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A CITIZEN of Detroit, who has been
exploring in the northern part of the
State, says he never realized how wicked
he was until he was schased ;hree miles by
a bear.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

WHEN fellow is too lazy to work, he
paints his name over his door and calls it
tavern, and likely as not makes the
whole neighborhood as lazy as himself.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A GEORGIA girl is going to lecture on
"Kisses" in Washington. She will Dor
row a man to illustrate on.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

" WELL, I s'pose the burned stuff got
Mixed" was the sad reply of Missouri
druggist when he killed woman by Civ
ing arsenic for salts.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A PLAINTIvE old bachelor says it's
rather hard on a man that when he has
the reputation Of being "an old bear," it
precludes him from having a chance to
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

CUSTOMER to barber: 81 say don't
(hic) put any Bay rum (hic) on my face,
cause it'll make (hic) my wife think I've
been drinkin'."
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

Mr.. WIsKEY fell into Wisconsin
pond and was drowned. He thought a
little water would improve him but it
didn't.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A CINCINNATI man is training him
self for matrimony, by spending two or
three hours each day in boiler-shop.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18
MEDICAL.
THE EYES THE EYES
DIR. E. H. PARDEE,
Ocu1iSt and AuriSt.

A FTER A PROTRACTED BLIND
~ ness OF more than five years, DIR. Pardee
has made himself thoroughly and scientifcal-
~ acquainted with all Diseases of the Eye,
ana is now practicing with q success not sur
passed in the United States.
All operations performed, such as Strabis-
mus, or cross-eye, Cataract by linear extrac-
ssion, Depression or Absorption, .Pterygium, or
neshy membrane growing over the eye, Reduc-
tlon OF Staphyloma, or bulging out of the eye,
Artificial Pupil, Fistula, Lachrymalis or clos
ing OF the tear passage, and all deformities of
Artificial Eyes inserted without the least
pain, and possessing all the movements and
brilliancy of the real eye. A large assortment
constantly ON hand and for sale at reasonable
prices The Doctors Eye Bath for the treat
ment and cure of all nervous diseases is used
all over this coast.
Thankful to those physicians who have sent
md cases Ior operation, he hopes that his uni
versal success Will warrant n continuation of
their confidence. His celebrity as an onerator
is co-extenslve with his success, as patients
are pTeSentlng f themselves for treatment and
monthly. Many patients can be seen at The
Doctors Office daily, in different stages of re-
covery.
oFFIcE-7s7 Clay Street, (Opposite tbe
Plaza, San Francisco.
TAKE NOTICE." II Lfas. Is not To
be beifeDsd though ne sps KS the truth,
Reports are in circulation through the unnor
country that have retired from business, that
have gone to the Atlantic States, that am
in Europe, &c., &c. To those interested | will
say that the report has been gotten in circula-
tion for the furtherance of other parties, who
are trying to obtain, illegitimately, an eve
practice. The report has been started by an
ltinerant mountebank, and without the least
truth as am at my office daily, and attending
to about sixty daily patients.
Il. HI. PARDEE, OcuIist,
1877 Clay Street,
my25-1y. SAN FRANCISCO.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

THE spanking period is appropriately
called the palmy days Of childhood.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

A VIRGINIAN is under arrest for pawn
ing his wife's corset for quart of whisky.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

GtUBSCRIBE FOR THE
- TRINITY JOURNAL"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18

AGENTS WANTED. in every county in
the State, for the Celebrated
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-07-18
PACIFIC COAST AGENCY
FOR THE UNRIVALED-
WEBER
PIANO.

By the Superiority of its TONE, combining
GREAT POWER, RICHNESS, SWEETNESS
and FINE SINGING QUALITY, as well as
GREAT PURITY OF INTONATION and
HARM0NI0USNESS throughout the entire
scale, it is fast driving almost all other Pianos
from the ConcertRoom, and fully explains
how WEBER shows an increase of 2O6 per
cent, and yet cannot supply the demand.
Circulars and Price Lists of Pianos and Or
gans sent to any one desiring them, on appli-
cation TO 5IEEurHAO "A uTDE,
San FrsnciscO.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09
State mi Nsighborhood.
Old John Robinson will do up Cat
ltt.. b,,rrr ,,axt NTOD1o,-

Old John Robinson will do up Cat
lettsburg next Monday,
The young people of Ashland will
in a ''calico hop" tonight.
An Irishman was found dead in
hay,loft near GraysOl, Ky, last week.
Jas. Young, a driver at a coal bank
in Wheeling, was severely bruised by
being caught in . car last Friday.
\ man by the name of King fell
from the railroad bridge at Hawks
Nest last Friday and was lost.
According to the statements of the
Pioneer the barrel factories at St. Al
bans are busy shipping barrels to the
neighhoring salt works.
james Lewis, of Wheeling, a
young man aged eighteen, was
crushed to death while coupling cars
at Steubcnville Friday.
A writer in the Meigs County (O)
Nclcs saws of Mason City. The site
is desirable tor large city, being sit
uated in wide valley and above
high water. The streets are wide
and laid oft regularly, and the build
ings mostly Of good class.
IYrRovING TIE KANAwHA RIVER.
1t is now settled, we believe, that
an appropriation of not less than s25-
600 will be made this year by Con
greSs for the Improvement ofthe ka-
nawha river. As the river seems now
to he taken under the protecting care
of the General Government, it might
be considered whether the appropria-
tions as they arc made, cannot be
put 20 better use than mere temporal
work on the river Some subStan-
tial aud permanent improvement,
ike the erection of a good lock and
dam at some suitable point, in accor-
dance with the admirable system
planned and recommended by Colo
mel Merrill, Of the Engineer Depart
ment, would be in order now, and Il
beginning could at least be made, by
using the forthcoming appropriation
in procuring material for lock,
which might be built with nextyears
appropriation, or possibly enough
might then be gotten to complete
the lock and Gam both. This would
in no way interfere with the through
wager lire project, but could be a
part of that enterprise. In the
meantime, the tolls received from
the river trade. would continue an
der the excellent management of
President GoShorn and his kanawha
River Board, to keep the river in
fair condition for current business
Charleston ColUiT.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09
Returns from Ohio.

We give below the news from the
Municipal elections in Ohio, as far
rs heard from:
Cincinnati-A Democratic majority
of between 1900 and 5000. The
Council Democratic by 10 on joint
ballot.
Lancastcr-The Anti.temperance
ticket.
Corwin-License candidate for
Mayor elected.
acknowledgements ticket
elected.
Acknowledgements ticket
elected.
Ottawa-The entire Democratic
ticket elected.
Chillicothe-Liberal ticket elected.
Eaton-The entire temperance tick
ct, headed by J. II. Zoos, Democrat
elected by a good majority.
Mans6eld-Temperance ticket cleo
ted.
SpringfeId-The Temperance tick
ct elected by large majority.
Lockland-The Temperance ticket
is elected by the largest vote ever
pollcd in the town.
Washington c, H.-License ticket
elected.
Sidney-The Democratic ticket
elected.
Urbana-Full temperance ticket
elected.
Acknowledgements ticket elected.
Dayton-Democratic Mayor elected.
Hillsboro'--Anti temperance ticket
elected.
London-Crusader's ticket elected,
Columbus-DemOcratic ticket cleo
ted by 1900 majority.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ticket
elected
ToledO-Demoeratic.
Observation-Disclosures carried
every ward
The CoNxEcTrcUT ELEcTIoN.-
Ne,c Harele, April IL a. M.-The
election has resulted in 4 sweeping
Democratic victory. The returns re-
ceived at tie Pallddium Office, few
towns only wanting, give lngersoIl a
plurality of 5,796over Harrison, Re
publican, and majority Of 1868
smith, Prohibition received little
over 1000. The Senate stands 10
Democrats 10 ) Republicans, and the
House heavily Democratic.
The two candidates foY Governor
are residents of this city. which gave
IngersolI All, Harrison, 1919, and
smith, Prohibition $50. The city
elected Democratic Representatives,
and this District a Democratic Sena-
tor. The cleo ton has been made by
the people, and heavy Democratic
majority in the General Assembly
renders Il choice Of Il Democratic
United States Senator an easy matter.
The returns from all the towns in
the State except seven, give the fol-
lowing result: Ingcrsoll, 1896;
Harrison SO, 1922; Smith, 1864.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09

a respectable character, publish
ed at one of the principal switch
stations on the Baltimore & Ohio
Railroad, giving currency to these
rasc1lly reports, because they are al
WAYS glad to give currency to reports
injurious to the Bird District, and
these coming from a citizen of the
District, they think will Of course
carry weight with them. But what
vii be the consequences if these re-
ports so out uncOntradicted? Win
not Huntington be summed as NOR
al pest house? VIII it net he looked
upon as the habitation,of druakards
and ou;clsts
And -rcv, one word about Parkers
burg. We make this assertion with
out fear 81 contradiction; in proper
ton the number of inhabitants,
there are fewer drunkards, fewer
vhiskev sellers, fewer houses Of i'll
fame, fewer fights, fewer criminals,
fewer gambling houses and fewer Of
6cers in Huntington than in Parkers
burg, Therearc more churches, more
Sunlay-schools, more academies, more
church members. and more mdustri-
Gus mechanics in Huntingdon than in
Parkers6urg.
We call upon the Republicans OF
Huntington To repudiate such state
menls rs those made by their friend
and advocate, and TO unite with the
. Democrats in securing the good gov
ernment and the prosperity OF this
new civ.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09

coming down almost to the railroad
track. The sight at night from Cal
lahan's or COvington is described as
magnificent, mile after mile of the
towering mountains presertin G living
sheets of flames.
INsANE.-Col. Jos. Mayo, jr,
we'll known to many of our citizens
and for number of years May
or of Richmond, Va. and for the
last two years, State Treasurer, has
been adjudged insane by q commits
sion "de hnatico inqltirendO," and
ordered to be taken to an insane asy-
lum, rs soon as a place can be procu-
rod for him.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09
Some of its Good Qualities:

IA new invention Thoroughly Tested
and secured by Letters Patent.
2.-Makcs perfect Lock Stitch, alike on
both sides, and all kinds of Goods
3.-Runs Light, Smooth, Noiseless and
aud Rapid-best combination OF quail
ties.
.-Darable-Run for years without
Repairs
5.-Will do all varieties Of work aud
fancy stitching in a superior manner.
els most easily managed by the oper-
ator. Length of stitch may be altered
while running and the machine may be
threaded without passing thread through
holes.
7.-Design-Simp!e, ingenious Eic-
CANT, forming the stitch without the use
of Cog Wheel Gears, Rotary Cams, or
Lever Arms. Has the Automatic Drop
Feed which inSures uniform length OF
stitch at any speed. Has our new thread
Controller, which allows easy movement
of Neede-bar, and prevents injury To
thread.
S.-Construction most careful and fin
ished. Ii il manufactured by the most
skiIIful and experienced mechanics, at tho
REMINGTON ARMORY, nlion, y. y
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09

The Valley Counties OF Virginia
are somewhat excited over the reiu-
sal of the Legislature to grant a char
ter for the extension of the Valley
Railroad to connect with the Attain
nc, Mississippi q Ohio at Salem, or
some other point, and propose to hold
& convention atan early day to con-
adlr their grievances, and their rem
cdy.
Il is too much the case that the
eastern part OF the State IS very De
,lous Of advancing its own welfare,
which, in many cases. Is in conflict
with that of the Valley and the South
west; the geographical position Of the
country makes this the more likely
to be the case. The natural outlet
ofSouthwcstand West Virginia would
seem TO be by the Potomac River and
Chesapeake Bay rather than by the
James Rive.
We can poin.ou; a remedy to the
Valley people for their grievances,
End hat .Sto unite themselves with
West Virginia, which is their natural
ppce and destiny. The interests Of
the Valley of Virginia are much more
nearly identified with West Virginia
than with Virginia; the Coal, Iron,
and other products Of the Valley axe
identical with those Of the West, and
in their Development the sections
should 70 hand IN hand. The Val
Jew and the West will be GREAT man
uacturins centres, while the East /,
q farming country, whose Interests
arc always at variance with those Of
manufacturing
There are twenty-five counties in
the Valley and Southwest, with a
population of about 100000, whose
natural position would place them in
West Virginia, making the Blue
Ridge the boundary line, giving West
Virginia a population Of something
over 100000, and leaving Virginia
an even million.
West Virginia, with her borders
extended thus, would give all the
charters that are asked for, as the in
tcrcsis of the State would require the
development of every resource. and
the opening Of railroads wherever
capital could De commanded e. build
them.
We make ;hgse Suggestions for the
consideration Of the VALLEY Conycn
ton. and hope they may receive q
candid examination.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-04-09
Presbytery of GreenbTier.
Reported for the ADVERTISER.

The Presbytery Of Greenbrier held its
regular spring session with the Buffalo
Church, in Putnam county, beginning
Wednesday, April LIST. The opening ser
mon was preached by Rev NJ. II. Bittin-
ger, Of Monroe county. Rev. VIM. f, Hill,
Of Point Pleasant, was elected Moderator,
and Rev. J. II. Lewis, OF Grecnbrier, Clerk.
The reports from Il c various churches
showed an increase OF membership during
the wear, and tl.at the churches generally
were in n prosperous condition. Rev.
Geo. T. LYLE was admitted as member
from the Presbytery OF Montgomery. Up
on the unanimous petition Of two small
churches. Zion and Mount Isabella, they
were dissolved, and united in one church,
with two ruling elders taken from the
church at Buffalo. Rev. James Haynes,
Of Fayette, with Hon. VIM. McCreery, Of
Raleigh, were chosen as Principals, and
Rev. Edward Eells, of st. Adams, with
elder r. f. Putney, of Kanawha Salines
Altcrnates, as delegates t. the General
Assembly, at Columbus, Miss.
The next regular session will be he'd in
the Salem Church, Greenbrier county, be-
ginning September 10Th, at y o'clock, r NJ
X.