The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-09-25
EMPORIA NEW S.
FRIDAY sFprEMPER . -


thunder. -
Strained sweetness K;.s;no
through wait
"Ehe cause of woman suffrage
Scarcity OF husbands.
At JEWELL Hartford recention |
the Horse Guards were arnronr;.
ately preceed'si BY Colts band.
A darkeys Instructions for
putting on coat were, First de
right arm, den de left. and den
give one general coRwulsion.V
A New Hampshire woman, when
dying, made her husband swear
on the Bible that he would neyeg
marry woman with a sharp nose.
A Boston court has decided that
II q woman lends money to her
husband she cannot get it back.
The decision will not be new TO
many wives.
The success OF Josh Billings is
exceptional There are thousands
OF young men who do not know
how to spell, and yet they are not
worth $250.O0O.
There are now four competitors
for the title of Nathan murderer.
These parties should be hung up
on their own confession and give
others chance.
A gentleman who landed from
an Erie express train attracted
universal attention by the magnif-
icence OF his diamond breastpin.
He was supposed to be a hackman
from Niagara Falls.
With a sardonic grin, Wix
poured some mucilege into his
empty hair-oil bottle, yesterday,
and this morning the hair of one
OF the servant girls was stuck so
tight that she could not slut her
mouth.
write me while / am away"
said Jones to Mrs. Jones, after an
afiectionate goodbye. "Treach-
erous man" mediated the lady.
''Not one letter does he get! He
wants to sell them to one of those
Western papers"
A small boy from the rural dis
triets, being in town the other
day, followed Bill Reed, the letter
carrier, for several hours, watch
ing him open the letter boxes on
the lamp-posts in the hopes OF
discovering the secret of making
gas.
A Paris journal speaking of the
great scandal, says monsieur
Beecher" was an actor before he
turned clergyman, and that onion.
sieur Tilton" is an English lawyer
who had gained wide reputation
in Boston as prosecutor of Grim
inal suits.
Said a distinguished politician
to his son,-"Look at mel / began
asan alderman, and here am al
the top of the tree, and what is my
reward? Why, when die, my SOL
will be the greatest rascal in the
CITY,"
To this the young hopeful re
plied:-"Yes, dad, when you die
but not till then"
The editor of the Clarksvill,
Tobacco Leaf has written for hi
paper a story entitled "The Spiri
OF Croly Place." which he is print
ing in weekly instruments. Tit
heroine is named "Emelvia.'
Emelvia is a sweet, sweet name
II we could find a girl named
Emelvia we should love her K
death. Or five didn't we'd muir
der her in some other way.-Louis
vile Courier Journal. Yff
When the late General Thomas
u. S. A., was asked for a furlougl
by backwoods soldier, in orde
that he might visit his wife, t
whom he had been married
only three months, he re
piled: "Why, my dear fellow,
hayn't seen my wife for tire,
years." The backwoodsman star
cd incredulously at the Genera
for q moment and then broke out
"But you see me and my wife aim
that kind"
Poor Max Adeleri Hear wha
he has to say about hotel clerk
81 can shake hands with q cover
nor, sit beside an alderman, anC
smoke with a State senator, ant
never feel my littleness; but whei
come to stand in the presence o
q modern hotel clerk l feel tina
awe and inferiority which tourists
feel as they stand in Yosemite Val
ley and look up at the mountain
tops thousand feet above"
Mr.. Stocking is the leading
Conservative candidate for thu
Governorship of Nebraska, ant
the funny men are after him. On,
says his name is received will
hose-annas. Another thinks hi
party has got sheer thing. Hi
opponets call him a darned ole
humbug, but acknowledge they
can't pull him off. On the whole
we think it will prove that some
body has put his foot in it.-Bos
ton Advertiser.
This is a specimen of Cincinnati
poetry:
She saw him on his bright blue steed
A busting down the road,
And pit pat. and pit n pat
Her little heartfelt COED;
And soft she sobbered TO herself,
Though swim his PAGES be,
He cannot kite so fast but what
My heart keeps up with he'
A gentleman at Lake George
after waving his handkerchief TO
half an hour or moro at an un
known lady, whom he discovered
ut distant point on the shore
was encouraged by a warm re
Spouse to his signals to approach
his charmer. Imagine his feeling:
when, on drawing nearer, he saw
that it twas his own dear wife
whom he had left at the hotel but
q short time before. "Why, how
remarkable we should have recog
nized each other at such distance
exclaimed both in the same breath
and then they changed the sub
ject. i slA 91
G. w. SmaIley, the London cor
respondent of The Tribune
gives the following account of Pro
lessor Huxley, as he appeared at the
Science Congress at Belfast: A
well-built man in evening dress
rather above the average height
rises from his chair and steps for
ward 20 the edge of the platform by
the side of the desk. He stands