Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1874-11-28
EDITING A NEWSPAPER UNDER DIFF.
FIOULTIES,

l don't suppose that another man
ever lived like that Ohio editor who
lifted me out of the back end of an on
nibus one night, led me up five pair of
stairs, and undertook to tell me how I
was to assist in running the local de-
partment Of the paper. "You see."
said he, jabbing at cockrosch with the
shears, you want to be positive in what
you say; folks here won't believe any
of your suppose SOS and allegations.
Say what yca say in words that can't be
disputed; or, if they are disputed, send
the fellow into the other room and I'll
fix him. He was q great man for fun;
he never laughed himself, but he had
high appreciation for humor. He was
always wanting me to get off something
sharp on some one, no matter who, and
he ran me so much I had to quit. For
instance he came down one morning
and said: "Now, Charles, get off a hit
on Julius Cesar" "Why, sir, the old
man died years ago." "No matter, no
NATTER" he went on, "get off some
thing or I'll discharge you" As SIS
year was an object to me then, handed
in pretty big item. "That's good
that's positive" he replied, and in it
went. The paper hadn't been out an
hour before dozen were crowding in
after an explanation. els your name
Caesar" asked the old man of each in
turn. No." "Well then who's rum
ming this Caesar business9 Amt here
to disseminate knowledge? Don't I do
her?" And he finally threw another
sheet on the "points." Now,
Charles" said he, again, "get off
lick on George Notwithstanding
under lively head line" But he's
been written up, replied. "No matter
get off something, or here's my note
of hand for the balance due YOU" As
his note of hand was rather q good
thing to keep, dug out a severe thing
under the head of Z" Brutal Outrage"
There was q Washington society in
town, and half its members were rush
ing up stairs before the edition was half
off. !" Base wretch" shouted the
President. "Ca!uminator of genius"
squeaked the old maid Secretary. "Vilc
rascal" hissed young man, with his
hair behind his ears. "Gentlemen and
old maid," began the editor, as he
rolled up his sleeves, why am I here
If any Of you know more about George
Washington than I do, why just take
and run this office" And they had to
go away with their minds in an unset
tied state. Another time, when he had
run over whole volum1 of ancient his
tory without finding one to hit, says he.
| nff hat %
just what I wanted, and 1 wrote: "We
want wood on subscription to this pa-
per. Some of our subscribers promised
to pay for their paper in wood more
than ten years ago, and it's about time.
| We want -wood-wood." It was
in July, and there were thirteen loads
of wood in front OF the office before
noon. They got there about the same
time, and thirteen farmers came up in
body. Gentlemen" said the old gen.
tleman, after they had stated their er-
rands wood is wood; wood is a
noun; is is verb, and wood is
noun again. The objective case gov
erns the requirements of the adverb,
which is the possessive of thirteen loads
according to chapter seventy-one, rule
three" Aud every time they went on
to say anything about the wood he got
that off ut them, until they all went
down in body threatening to vampire
him at the first opportunity. The last
thing have any recollection of was
"getting off something ON the Mayor
of the town. He went by old Sykes
one evening without nooding, and
had no sooner entered the Office than
heard, eco for Muggs; give it to him
hot; yank him all to pieces, and leave
his shattered remains hanging to the
steeple of the court house." "But
he, I began, when Sykes came close
up to me, breathing hard, end says he,
Young man, go for Muggs. Ihate to
part With you. but Smith offers to fill
your position for dollar less" So
sat down to do up Muggs. Sykes was
going away, and he left me to my judg-
ment. wrote an article that I thought
would please the old man for positive
ness, and wrote it under a triple head.
ing. I was just looking ny the paste
pot in the burglar-proof safe to keep it
from the rats, when I heard yelling
on the streets and the Office door came
in on me. I saw stars, comets, spots
on the sun, new moons, and " came to"
in the next town, when sent the fol-
lowing dispatch to the old man: eff
you can pay your board bill stay where
you are. The press is ruined. The
long primer is in Hardy's horse-pound.
The mailing table, the bank, and the
new job rack went over the dam last
evening. Things amt as they was.
We made big hit on Muggs, and he
retaliated powerfully. I have hired
out to a quiet old farmer here, and I
think I shan't pursue the get off busi-
ness any further" In about two
months l got reply. Here is all
that was said: " Young man, always
be positive in your assertions. ."-DetroI
Free Press.
s6rA tea never indulged in by gossips