The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-12-05
VARIETY.


The family jar is often the child of the family
jug.
No young man is proof against a gumdrOr
when she holds it between her teeth and invites
him % take drop.
bodys - statement - went into dry goods store,
recently, and asked for yard Of" impure lace. "
Nor so MUcH.-A man in Cincinnati adverti-
sing for a situation, says: ' Work 10 not so
much object as good wages"
One Of the most cheering sights and one which
tells Of the straddled panic and the return of good
times, Is the fact that n stranger can display a
fifty cent stamp in St. Louis, and not be hauled
out Of the river next morning.
Sow AxorR.-A writer who spoke of " but
tered thunder" and was asked by another II that
had any affinity to % CREASED lightning" mani
tested some anger in explaining that Z" muttered
thunder was intended
"a Death is n sad thing remarked Schenec-
tady woman, as she stood beside an open grave.
Yes, poor thing" replied another, a. how he
did like to sit down to a good bailed dinner
where the pork was just right.
PRosABLY.-A Boston till-tappcr recently pur-
chased halEgaIlOn Of molasses at a grocery, and,
in default OF Jug, got the grocer to pour il into
his hat which was no sooner done than he
clapped the hat over the grocers head, and. while
the latter was spluttering through the flood of
syrup, deliberately robbed the drawer and de-
canned Experience is u harsh teacher, but an
inlailibIe one; and that grocer has probably now
learned the meaning Of the proyerb " Sweet are
the uses Of Adversely"
Hoe GUEssrG.-The following advertisement
appeared in the Jamaica, ". Y, Sentinel, recent
ly Hog Guessing.-Mr. L. O'BrIen, Of the
Union Hotel, IN this village, announces that, on
THURSDAY, December 4th, 1873, at P. NJ, he
will kill the finest and iattest hog ever slaughtered
in Queens county, which viii then be guessed
for. The animal IL supposed to weigh eight hun
dred pounds. Chances, fifty cents. The nearest
guess will take the hog; the next, the oVerPlus
money.
scotp tp1So.-A trial that will be watched with
yreat interest by henpecked husbands is soon to
take Mace at Baltimore. woman OF that city
has been arrested on the charge OF being COM
mon scold The laws OF Mary land make no pro-
vision for the punishment OF such an offence, and
she il 20 be tried under the old English common
Iaw. This defines such offence as common
barratry and provides, one OF the means OF
punishment, - boring hole through the tongue.
Another clever gentleman has been deceived by
tbe hvdrants IL was New Years and he was
rejoicing under the influence Of about 600 drops
OF joy He ran against hydrant; while nome
ward bound, working long lOngitudes. lie hap
pened % mistake the hydrant for a colored boy,
aSkuse me- sOnnie, !" said he, patting the hydrant
paternalIy Didn't run you down because you
was black. Grow MP (hic) and De useful man
(hicl. Initiate (hIc) my examplel" And here
he laid a quarter on it nozzle and went on with
a lighter heart and the satisfaction that be bad
made ono poor soul happy.
Some time ago Captain GOodall and DIR.
O'FarreII, both Of GOOdali, Nelson and Perkins
Steamship Line spent a few days admiring the
heauties Of Los Angeles. One Sunday morning
tie Doctor seated himself on boot-blaek stand
for the purpose of having his calfskins polished.
The work was we'll and speedily done, and the
Doctor handed the - intelligent cOntraband" two
bits, which he slipped into the seat pocket Of his
rants After n while tho Doctor inquired. kind
~ careless Ike, about his change. "a Nuthin'
cummiu' sab nuthnf cummin', sab It's Sum-
day. sab, and 1 charge one bit for de shinin,
o'vour boots. and one bit for desecration de
I6rdis day, sab" DIR. O'Farreli saw the point
but never saw the change.
The Chenango, ". Y, Democrat tells of an
Ellington man who, while he was In a trance,
thought thar be had died, and found himself at a
gate guarded By two angles, but that they allowed
him TO pass. he entered room which was sur
rounded By doors. Here he met sisters who
had died ON the preceding May, and she was ac-
companied by two beautiful girls, TO whom she
presented him, telling him they were his sisters
who had died before his remembrance, and had
grown up in that beautiful place They sang
him a song. and with some difficulty taught il to
him. He recalls distinctly the tuns and words,
and sings them now, though neither he nor any
Of the family ever heard the words before. He
aIso saw his brother-in-IaW there. As be did
not see his mother-in-law, he thinks that be must
have beeE in Heaven.