davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-04-08

CONSISTING OF SILKS ranging from 81 UP Dress Goods,
Of all the celebrated brands consisting of Cashmeres Bariz
Cloth Empress Sateens, Sout Popns Dagonas Seges etc,
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-04-08
DRESS AND SHAWL GOODS,

HOSIERY AND G LOVES, embracing the finest
est FleeceLined and Wooden Hose to be found, Chill
Hose, Castor and Buckskin Gloves, and Gloves of al
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
A Peculiar Fish.

The Fish of Paradise is one of the
most peculiar of Chinese fresh water
fish 1t is small in size, a pale gray
in color, and, at first sight having but
little about it to attract attention.
As soon as the animal becomes ex-
cited however the long and forked-
shaped tail spreads into kind of fan
and the stripes upon the sides of the
fish become yellow, red and and blue,
constantly changing in color The
scales seem to become opalescent and
reflect the light with the greatest
brilliancy, while the eyes appear
illuminated with a blush green fire.
The habits ofthe animal are as odd
as its appearance. The males take
charge of the young and build the
nest. The latter is simply a clod of
foam floating upon the water, and
is made by the fish rising to the
surface and alternately absorbing
and expelling air, until a little cluster
of bubbles, hardly three-tenths of an
inch sqqare, IS formed. The female
then deposits her eggs, which are at
once seized upon by the male, who
carries them in his mouth to the
nest. Then he watches their incuba-
ton carefully guarding them with
wonderful sagacity evenly throughout
the mass of foam. When they clot
together he pushes Them apart with
his nose, and, besides keeps up
a continual manufacture of bubbles
until the eggs are lifted up above the
water and rest only upon their soft
couch. As soon as the embryos app
pear, his care is doubled. He watch
es that none escape; and in case some
become separated he chases them,
catches them in his mouth, and re-
places them carefully in the nest.
If one becomes injured, he removes it
from the others, gives it a separate
bubble by itself, and apparently
nurses it until it regains its strength.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
An Ingenious Punning Item.

Puns well stuck to, are sometimes
as good as wit. Lady Barker, whose
name is not unknown in literature
has been appointed manager of the
National School of Cookery in Lon
doa, whelcupon the Pail Nall Ga
Sette remarks. "Her thoughts in the
kitchen range perpetually, we should
imagine, over wide, various and
fruitful field. While her pupils are
busily engaged around her, the mid
day dripping reminds her ofthe mid
night oil, and she pauses to recall the
verses of Eliza Cook or the labors of
Mrs. Fry, or the poems of Mr.. Brown
ing, perchance Then, too, the very
CRATE will suggest Hobbs, the sauc-
pan Handel, the salamander Burns,
the scollops SneIly, the frying-pan the
inductive philosophy of Bacon, and
the stew-pan the physical experiments
of Boyle. What more natural than
to dwell on the sad fate of Sir Cloudes-
" Shovel or the successful expedi-
ton Of Sir Samuel Baker the delight
full humor of Charles Lamb or the
pacific policy of Mr.. Pease; the
Euclid Of Potts, the worship of Pan,
or Mr.. Rupert Kettles attempts at
arbitration; Mr.. Grevy's Presidency
of the French Assembly or the pres
ant embodiment of the Due de Brog-
lie Mr. Fowle's Broad Church views
or Mr.. Partridge's democratic theo-
ries; Mr. Spring Rice's speeches in
the House of Commons or Sir Fred
erick Currie's operations in India p"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
AGramasieaI Error.

Highlanders have the habit. when
talking the English language. such
as it IS, of interfering the personal
prOnoun che" where not required,
such as "the king be has come, in
stead Of "the king has come" Often,
in consequence, a sentence or an ex-
preston is rendered sufficiently ludi-
erous, as the sequel will show. A
gentleman says be has had the pleas
ure Of listening to q clever man, the
Rev Mr. Get his locality be a
secret and recently be began to dis
course thus: Ny friends, you viii
find the subject Of the Discourse this
afternoon in the First Epistle general
of the Apostle Peter fifth chapter and
eighth verse, in the words, The devil
he goeth about like a roaring lion,
seeking whom be may devOur' Now,
my friends, with your leave, we will
divide the subject Of our text to-day
into four heads. Firstly, we shall
inquire into his geographical position,
namely, Where the devil he was. :"
Secondly, where the devil be was
going" Thirdly-and this is Of q
personal character-"Who the devil
he was seeking" And fOurthly and
lastly, we shall endeavor to solve a
question which has never been solved
yet, What the devil he was roaring
ahnntr1
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
The Halter with the old Nan.

\ young man Of Canton, Penn,
accompanied his fair Flora home one
evening recently, and lest they should
waken the "old folks" she took him
into the kitchen. Time went and the
fire went out, and for fear his adored
might take her death o. cold he built
a fire with the kindlings the old man
had carefully prepared and laid on
the hearth for the morning. After
this had burned low be took his de-
parture. Next morning ere the shrill
note of the chanticleer had died away
solitary and shivering individual
in scanty drapery with teeth chatter
ing might have been seen cropping bis
way to the kitchen stove after view
ing two chairs that sat in the middle
of the room, struck q match and me-
chanicallv reached for his kindling.
1t wasn't there, he felt on the stove,
under the stove, and finally opened
the stove door and a few embers that
aickered a moment and then expired
told him the story. He sat down on
the wood box TO mediate; pictur-
esquely be rose again as the Their
mometor noted 6 below zero, and be
was not suitably attired for meditat-
ing in a sitting posture. Then he
began to quote and the more his wife
interrogated him as to the cause of
his prolonged absence, the more he
quoted Finally be locomoted toward
the wood shed found a candle box
which he demolished with much vehe-
menee and ere long in that kitchen
was a roaring fire, and now the old
man wants to see Flora's "feller"
lie wishes to converse with him
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
How often TO Feed.

A writer in the Nel0 England
Homestead takes ground against feed
ing cattle in winter more than twice
a day. He advises "giving the poor
est fodder first, interlading with grain
if we feed grain-and a refreshing
ration of roots, topping off with the
best hay before watering. After
watering, give nothing for five or six
hours. 1t is an ancient practice, and
quite in accordance with the nature
of neat cattle. They will pull in hay
like cutter, almost, and swallow it
with less grinding, just away for
the time being, to raise and chew
upon and get the good Of by and by
every particle of it-if not inter-
rupted by another feeding. 1t will
not do to say that a cow is used to
eating all the time in summer She
takes her intervals for chewing the
cud while in pasture the best mixers,
as | have observed, doing that most
regularly. In winter it is somewhat
different. A COW viii gather loose
hay enough in forty minutes to keep
her ruminating for six hours. In
deed, if you go softly to your stables
before feeding in the morning, you
will find your NEST thriving animals
still grinding at the remnants Of the
last NIGHTS fOdderinO eYtractiu0 the
last mite of nutriment from the woody
fibre. y
From personal experiment we have
found that sheep as well as cattle do
as well when fed but twice day.
The same physiological arrangement
of the digestive organs wOuldindicate
that a similar course should be pur-
sued in feeding both cattle and sheep.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
ARetort Anatomical.

Or. Abernethy, the celebrated Lon
don surgeon, was, towards the lat
ter part Of his career, as gruG and
bearish as he was eccentric, aud ma
ny are the anecdotes related Of his
quaint sayings and doings. He met
his match, however; in a student at
the College of Surgeons upon a GER
tain examination day And we may
say, in passing, that said student has
since been one of the most eminent
and successful practitioners in his pro
fession.
Suppose said Arbernetby, in
his crisp, abrupt way, to the student
"a man should be blown up by az
explosion of gunpowder, vhsss
you do ?" L.
The question was certainty
diculous as it was indeGnAe anJ
tyro coolly answered:
Il should wait, sir, ,,.untiAhe eo,
down again.
"4nd nov, sir" demande\ Al
nethy, irately, suppose l kickV vo,
for an implement Cog, what nl,cIo1a
should put in motion 2"
"The fleXOrs and extensors on
right arm," replied the studs
promptly, 'for l should knock yA
down directly"
The young man passed, and the
name of John Abernethy was signed
to the certificate Of his anatomical
and surgical proficiency
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
Knee sprung.

l have six-year old horse that
has had tendency to go over on his
knees for the past two years. At
times he is perfectly square, even
when driven hard and constantly;
and then again he will appear weak,
and tremble on them when doing
very little work This horse is quite
a trotter, and / am anxious to cure
him, if possible. Would it be of ben
eft to blister his knees, and give him
a run for two or three months2
The tendency to "go over on the
knees, " almost invariably originates
in eOngenital weakness, and is irrem-
edia5le. Blistering, and a. run during
two or three months, generally bring
about a marked Improvement, but no
sooner is the horse put to ordinary
work than the deformity returns as
bad as ever.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

vent the marriage OF young Zen
nywise with Miss Petersham, wher
one morning the governess presented
herself to the clerks in the Office oi
Mr. Pennywise, and asked te see thai
gentleman. She was ushered into a
private Office where she found the ar.
istocratie Pennywise very much sur
prised at his visitor.
"To what good fortune am / in
debted for this visit?' he asked, wheel
ing around from his desk.
'To the best of fortune" ans
wered the governess. please read
this advertisement that am going to
insert in tomorrow mornings pa
pers," and she handed him slip Of
paper on which be read the follow
ing:
GUsHINGToN - PETERsHAM. On
the l7th inst, at Grace Church by
the Rev. jeremiah Waller, d. D.,
S. 7. D., Mr.. Cash. GushingtGn to
Emeline, eldest daughter of Jacob
Petersham. Esq, all Of this city. No
cards"
"My dear Miss Dorr," said Penny
wise, jumping up from his chair, you
have saved the family-you have done
wonders owe you debt Of graft
tude | can never pay"
"Well, here is a debt YOU owe me
you can pay" said Amy, producing
the agreement. Il viii thank you for
ten thousand dollars in greenbacks. l
don't want a check. l want the mon
ey."
"Mv dear Miss Dorr," said the
bankef, "if it took my last dollar /
would not repudiate your claim"
And, drawing a check for the
amount, he called a messenger, and
bade him go to the bank and get ten
thousand dollar notes. After the
messenger had departed on his errand
Pennywise turned to the governess,
and said:
How did my son bare the news
that Miss Petersham was false to him?
Thank Heaven, my family will not
be disgraced."
When he first discovered that Miss
p. was receiving attentions from Mr.
Gushington, he threatened to commit
suicide; but l finally induced him to
listen to reason, and he attended the
ceremony last night"
"But how did you effect this alter
alton in him?You are a witch; or L
should say good fairy. How did
You do it,"
"Will the boy be long at the bank?"
asked the governess.
"No he is here now. l see you
want your money before you give
your information; quite right Well
there it is" and he handed her the
money
Miss Amy walked to the other end
of the room and placed the money
safely in her bosom. Then turning
to Mr. Pennywise she said:
"Mr Pennywise you asked me how
| obtained your sons consent to the
marriage between Mr.. Gushington
and Miss Petersham.n -
"And saved my son from an alli-
ance to woman socially beneath
him." interrupted Mr.. Pennywise.
"You marvel among women, will you
tell me?p
II will. y
How did you do it?"
Il married him myself. Good
morning, sir"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
Scene in a Detroit Police Court.

David Bell, standing here in the
prime of life, with a red nose and a
wilted collar, you are charged with
vagrancy," remarked his Honor
"Vagrancy, chi"
ayes, sir, that's the charge, writ
ten in letters an inch high, and yet
YOU are young, have a constitution
like boarding house butter. a foot as
large as a candle box, and for some
reason decline to earn your own bread
and butter"
Il do, eh ?"
Eyes, sir, you do. You have been
wandering about the alleys, sleeping
on the wharves, and standing on the
corners, while even the cripples have
labored for honest bread"
"They have, eh ?"
'Yes, sir, they have, and you ought
to feel ashamed Of yourself, and
go and drown yourself, sir. But
you won't do it, and I'll send you to
the Work House for four months. "
"You viii, eh?n
eyes, sir, will. Take him to the
Black Maria, Bijah, and if you can
get an eight ounce tack, under him,
the ride will do him much more
good"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

Max Adeler's new book, Z" Out Of
Sne Hurry Burly,r contains the f0l
lowing dedication.
Ny original intention was 10 dedi-
cate tiiis book to the friend of my
boyhood, Azin bio tfhes. the lmaum
OF Muscdt toe memory of the happy
days when together we pl 'yed mar
bles in the Oman desert, and ducked
c lch other in the Persian Gulf, and
tortured inodensive cats on the Island
of Kishm. But l have changed my
mind; l have resolved to dedicate
lhls book to a humOfist who has had
100 little fame, to the most delicious
because the most unconscious humor-
lists, to that widely scattered and
muiutudirous comedian who may be
expressed in the concrete as the Intelli-
gent Compositor. To his faculty ofper-
petrating felicitious absurdities 1 am In
debtcd for laughter that is worth a
hundred groans." 1t was be who. put
tIg into type an article Of mine
which contained the Injunction, DO
not east your pearl before swine. I"
transformed the phrase into "Do not
cart your pills before sunrise" It
was be who caused me to quote the
poets inquiry, so that / propounded
to the world the appalling eonun-
drum, "where are the dead, the var
nished dead - and it was his glori-
Gus tendency to make the sublime
convulsiyely ridiculous that rejected
a line in poem Of mine, which de-
claTed that comet swept'o'er the
heavens with its trailing skirts, aud
substituted the idea that a Count
slept in haymow in a travelling
skirt" The Kind Of talent that is
there displayed deserves profound
reverence. It's wonderful and awful,
and thus ] offer it a token ofmy mar
yelling respect.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
ON ROUssEAU's ISLE.
BY JOAQUIN MILLER.

| Alone and sad sat me down
/ To rest on Rousseau's narrow isle.
Below Geneva. Mile on mile,
And set with many shining town,
ToB'rd Dent du Midi danced the wave
Beneath themoon. Winds went and came,
/ And famed the stars intoa fame.
1 heard the far lake, dark and deep,
/ Rise up and talk as in its sleep,
heard the laughing waters lave
And lap against the farther shore,
An idle oar, and nothing more
Save that the Isle had voice, and save
That round about its base Of stone
There FLASHED and flashed the foamy RhOnc.
stately man, as black as tan.
Kept up a stern and broken round
Among the strangers on the ground
1 named that awful African
A second Hannibal. gat
Ny elbows on the table, sat
With chin in upturned palm to sean
His face, and contemplate the scene.
The moon rode by a crowned queen.
l was alone 10. not a man
To speak my mother-tounge. Ahme,
How more than all alone can be
A man In crowds! Across the Isle
Ny Hannibal strode on. The while
Diminished Rousseau sat his throne
OF books, unnoticed and unknown
This strange, strong man with face austers
At last drew near. He bowed he spake
In unknown lounges. could but shake
Ny head. Then, half a-chill with fear,
1 rose and sought another place.
Again I unused. The kings Of thought
Game by, and on that storied spot
lifted up fearful face.
The star-set Alps they sang tune
Unhoard by any soul but mine.
Mount Blanc, as lone and as divine
And white, seemed mated TO the nlooR-
The past was mine, strong voiced and vast7
Stern Calvin, strange Voltaire, and Tell,
And two whose names are known too well
To name, in grand procession passed.
And yet again came Hannibal,
King like he came, and.drawing near,
I saw his brow was now severe
And resolute. in lounges unknown
Again he spake. Twas alone,
Was all unarmed, was worn and sad;
Butnow at last my spirit had
Its old assertion. arose,
As startled from dull repose.
With gathered strength raised hand
And cried 4 DO not understand
His black face frightened as spake;
He bowed; he wagged his Uoolly head
He showed his shining teeth, and said,
'Sar, if You please, dose tables here
Are consecrate tolager beer;
And, Sar, what will you have to take?'
Not that loved that colored cuss--
Nay, he had awed me all too much
But ] sprang forth, and with clutch
grasped his hand, and holding thus,
Cried, Bring my eountry's drink for two
For oh ! that speech Of Saxon sound
To me was as a fountain found
In wastes, and thrilled me through aad tATDE;
On Rousseau's Isle, in Ronsseau's shade,
Two pink and spicy drinks were made;
In classic shade on classic ground,
We stirred two cocktails round and round
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
Ham Cake

4 capital way of disposiBg Of the
remains Of a ham and making an xa-
eellent dish for breakfast is: Take q
pound and a bali of ham, fat and lena
together; put it into mortar and
pound it, orpass it through a sausage
machine; boil large slice Of bread
in half pint of milk, and beat it and
the ham well together; add an egg
beaten up. Put the whole into a
mould and bake a rich brown
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

THEY tell a queer story about the
doctors in a certain Texas town, who
were all away last summer to attend
medical conventions They were
absent about two months, and on their
return found all their patients had re-
covered, the drug stores had closed,
the nurses had opened dancing
schools, the cemetery had been cut
up into building lots, the underta-
kers had gone to making fddles, and
the hearse had been painted and sold
as a circus wagon.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
A BadJoke.

An individual aged about thirty
years, whose name it is not worth
while to mention, mistook a lady on
School street for an acquaintance OF
his, and followed her into a hotel, a
Boston paper says. Not succeeding
in attracting her attention, and espy-
ing a pockethandkerebief protruding
from her pocket, be approached her
careIessly and drew the fabric from
her pocket and passed out Of the
parlor. This was observed by the
lady and gentleman in her eompa-
nv, and the joker, not being recogniz-
ed by the lady. was regarded as a
pickpocket, and then and there de-
tanned until an officer was brought IN.
The joker told bis story and looked
cheap; was taken to the Second sta
tion, where be told his story and
looked cheaper. The handkerchief
was restored, and as no one cared
TO prosecute the joker went home.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

A bookbinder had book brought
him to be rebound After the job
was finished he made the followin g
entry in bis day book: ITO repai r
ing the Way to Heaven, twenty
five cents.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
4 GENTS WANTED.

100 Agents wanted to sell 10 domestic articles
which sell on sight IN every family. Our agents
are making frCan IS to $40 per day, selling our
goods Send % cts. and postagestamp lor sample
and terms to agents. T. +. FITCH & co, No.
q, 9TH Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pa.
Inay2O
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
FORCE PUMP!

The Simplest Most Powerful Effective, Dura-
ble, Reliable and Cheapest Pump in use.
It is made al Of Iron, and Of a few simple parts.
1t VIII not Freeze, as no water remains in the
pipe when not in action.
It has nc leather or gum packing, as the sucker
and valves are all Of iron.
1t seldom, If ever, gets out OF order.
viii force water from 40 to 90 feet in the air by
attaching a few feet Of hose.
1t is good for washing Buggies, Windows water
ing Gardens, sc.
II furnishes the pures and coolest water, because
r. is placed in the bottom Of the well.
TERMS inch Pump, SIS; pipe SOC. n foot.
" Is; Csc. "
Larger sizes 10 proportion.
TWEYAND'& D'&-FLATT
Sole Agents for Somerset County.
Somerset Pa, May lst 1872
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

"If a miss is as good as a mile,
how good is a Mrs7n If she is a widow,
she will be good for a league under
any circumstances.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

"Say, Sambo, did you ebber see de
Catskill Mountains "No. / nebber
did: but have seen dem Kill de
mice"
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

A man hangs himself and mo
causeDis assigned, when every one
must know the rope was the cause.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

1t was in Troy and be only had an
innocent Irritation with her, but her
husband killed him as an example.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

II seetlr ough it, as the washer
woman said when the bottom Of the
nh fell out.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17

Three weeks had passed since the
night Miss Amy had agreed to pre-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
Loans Secured by Real Estate

Copies ofthe Bylaws, reports, rules Of fdeposit
and special act of Legislature, relative 90 deposits
of married women and minors. can beo5taincd at
the Bank.
~ Banking foufs daily from9 10 3oclock;
llO5 and on Wednesday ana Saturday evenings
from 20 - o'clock. april -.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
DRCFESSIONAL.

Dr. George B. Fundenierg, of Cumberland.
Nd. informs his friends that be has this day asso-
ciated with himself in the practice ol medicine
and surgery, his son. DIR. Walter +. Fundendcrg
late the resident surgeon 0l the New ork Eye
aud Ear lnhrmsry
special attention viii he paid TO the diseases Of
the Bye and Ear MARI
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-06-17
TEs JUSTICES /;

Deposits Of ONE DOLLAR and upwards re-
coiycf and interest allowed on all sums payable
twice year. Interest e not drawn out is added
10 the principal thus COlIPOUNDING TWICE
A YEAR, without troubling the depositor to call
OF even 20 present his deposit book. Money can be
Withdrawn at any time aaor giving the bank GER
tain notice 10y letter.
Married Women and persons under
age can deposit money in theirown names, sothat
It can be drawn only by themselves or on their or
der Moneys can be deposited FOR children, OF by
societies or rs trust funds Subject 70 certain con-
Fffi,nc