davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A youngster, in describing his Sunday din
ner said We had roast beef and chicken;
but the chicken was kept too long before it was
killed T.
If anything will impress the human mind
with awe, it is the expression OF the mans
face who has just been aroused from snoring in
church.
The most serious charge yet made against
Mr. Deecher is that he was the first man to
offer chrome to subscribers. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
The Paris Pavilion Circus Of Dan Rice,
brought from France, costing as it is said $780,
600, was sold in Baltimore on Monday last for
$1,000.
Any coward can fight battle when he's
sure Of winning; but give us the man who has
pluck to fight when he's sure of losing
When six young ladies' sit down to talk about
dress-pattern, small boy with tin horn is
refuge to the weary.
An old cynic says: "With many women.
going to church is little better than looking
into bonnet-shop!'
Don't 70 to law unless you have nothing to
lose lawyers houses are built on fools heads.
A little girl at Dubuque amended the Lords
prayer by asking for her daily gingerbread"
A tune holds good until an organ gripder
gets hold oft.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

The Modocs," whose fame was brief but
worldwide while it lasted, are now miles away
from the +" lava beds" and have their home
on reservation in Southern Kansas. There
are altogether l4S of the tribe, less than fifty
Of them being men. Bogus Charley Is now
the chief, his superOrs in rank having either
been hanged or imprisoned for their murderous
treachery to the Peace Commissioners, Our
old lava-bed acquaintances, " Shack Nasty
Jim, Scar faced Charley and " Hooker Jim"
are with the remnants of their tribe in Kansas.
They are described as resigned to their fate
that is, they are probably willing, under
compulsion, to desist from bloOd-letting. They
dwell in tents, on an open plain, and whilst
quite number already speak the English
language, the others are endeavoring to learn
it, They are being gradually taught the ways
of civilized liie but they still show the truly
Indian distaste for honest hard work. Captain
jacks widow, who is the "dowager queen" oi
the tribe, receives visitors in state, seated
upon throne of skins and sticks. Such Of
the ModOcs as have been questioned on the
subject, say they do not want to go back TO the
lava beds.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
Mosby Dueling.

Really we must beg our Southern brethren
to pause and consider. We have every wish
to see the Union made whole again-with a
difference. We are willing to take in again
and welcome even the old free who killed
his man before breakfast, quoted Tom Jeffer-
son as he pulled the trigger, and ate his hot
corn pOne and fried chicken afterward with
good appetite and serene spirit. He was
genuine fellow in his way, and deserved place
in the republic as we'll as the Missouri Pike or
Denver Rough, whose ways were the same.
But there was a bad imitation of the old man
who, we hoped, had died out during the war
the duest-whose pistols never smelled OF
hire. We all of us remembered him-coud
give him dozen names if we chOse-know
how he used to faunt his honor through Con-
gress, torn and tattered in the many assaults
upon 1t as wOIn-Out army flag; how some
kindred Southern soul, ardent with chivalry
aud brandy-slIngs, was perpetualy treading
on 1t In debate in Washington or at ball in
Baltimore or in the lobby of the Spottswood
House in Richmond how the fiery challenge
to mortal combat was flung down ana the gage
taken up with fierce alacrity; how principals
and seconds glared at each other during whole
afternoon and night; how the whole country,
warned by hourly telegrams held its breath to
see the fatal end how reconciliation was de-
clared impossible how, defying impOssibIitv,
the Convenient Friend invariably stepped in
at the eleventh hour between these deadly
foes and proposed retirement OF the whole
matter to other honorable and convenient
| friends. Then followed the Correspondence
which the still breathess public perused with
terror and admiration wherein light was
thrown on this dark and bloody ground, end
ing finally by fervid declaration from each
mortal foe of his unswerving friendship fOl
the other, and his deep regret that misun
derstanding should have marred, etc, etc.
! Now this little farce, amusing enough a
first, was played on Southern boards so stead
lily that it became beyond measure stale anl
wearlSOme. In the name Of humanity, don
let US have it to endure again Col. MOsby
(Of railrOad-tran and stOlen-iewelry nOtoriety
has been eSSayng the miserable old joke again
and the Washington police authorities were
gullible enough to help him out with it. w
have the ancient telegramS of An Affair o
Honor Anticipated, and the inevitable seque
of how the Affair was stopped. We have ha,
quite enough Of this sort of thing There ar
a certain number of COlOncls and Majors of tn
MoShy pattern hanging about every SOuthcr
town like green carrOu flies about an anima
trying to work. You shall find them on tn
barrels in front of the store eating sections O
stale pies, drinking tin nogCinS of Strychnin
whisky, cur,ing by the honor of gehtlema
and pulling out revolver to emphasize eac
oath. The next time pair OF them run int
an aft Iir of honor before the police authorities
let them be cIapped into Jail right off and dre
5 sed in "A striped uniform, and perhaps that wi
extinguish the whole honorable breed.-N J
Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

THE BASE BALL BOYs.-The American
base ball men finished their foreign tour with
games at Dublin Wednesday, with a game
played by nine Americans, selected from the
Boston and Philadelphia clubs on one side,
and six members of the Dublin Cricket Club,
together with G. Wright as pitcher, II.
Wright as catcher, and Kent as first base on
the other. The Earl of Kingston was one OF
the Irish players. The Irish were allowed
the odds of five outs to an inning to three on
the other side The match was won by the
Americans by score of IL to 6.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
WHOLE NO. 1910

A Columbia clergyman, who, while preach
ing sermon on Sunday evening, perceived-a
man and woman under the gallery in the act
of kissing each other behind hymn book, did
spectacles, and when the young man kissed her
the fifteenth time, he merely broke his sermon
short off in the middle of " thirdly" and offer
ed fervent prayer in behalf of "the young
man in the pink neckte and the maiden in the
blue bonnet and gray shawl, who were profan-
ing the sanctuary by kissing one another in
pew IS. And the congregation said Amen. s"
Then the woman pulled her veil down and the
young man sat there and swore softly to him
self. He does not 60 to church as much now
as he did.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
A member of the Saginaw county bar, "

A member of the Saginaw county bar, was
recently in one Of our thriving interior towns
on professional business. In the Office of the
tleman. evidently of the genus drummer, who
wanted to know "where he was from" The
legal gentleman not exactly relishing the srran
GERS familiarity, answered shortly, " From
Detroit The next question was, For what
house are you traveling?" " For my own. y
You are May ask your name?" You
may" Pause-enioyable to the lawyer, EN-
barrassing to the other. "Well desperately
what is your name?'' "Jones" I" What lint
are you imp ~ don't understand you, sir. >
"What are you selling2" (impatiently:
Brains," tcoolly.) The drummer saw hi
opportunity, and looking at the other iron
head to foot, he said slowly "Well, you .ap
lpear to carry duced email line of samples"
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

SOME TIME DURING THE PRESENT SUMNER
a suggestion was made in several newspapers
that persons living in country homes should
offer to take one or two Overw0rked sewing
girls from the city and allow them to help
about the h0usGwOrk in return for their board
We believe one or two such offers were made,
but a correspondent of the Worcester Spy,
who has tried to get some OF the " unfortunate
creatures from the poisonous atmosphere OF
attic shop rooms does not sympathiZc at all
with the movement lie says the girls despise
hOusewOrk, whatever comforts are attached
thereto, and prefer the slavery of workshops,
where, owing to competition, they are under
paid by comparison with house servants. In
conclusion he says: We who live in beauti-
! ful country homes cannot hire our country
women to do the honorable work of the family,
to nurse the sick, to care for infants, or to as
sist the aged. and it is asking rather too much
! of us, when we have sent TO Sweden tor do
mesticS to propose that we open our houses as
summer resorts to those who have absolute
choice of their lot" There is some rugged
sense in this reply, but nevertheless the " Gus
toms of society" bind men and women to Ger
tain walks of life with greater power than ever
comes from law alone, and do not leave theil
victims any "absOlute" choice of their lots
AS : society" exists, and, according to its usa
ges, the working girl who despises' house
work and prefers Shaving with the needle is t
be ptied rather than condemned. But if thu
harsh views of the Worcester Spy correspond
ent should awaken sense OF the iniustices o
society in drawing lines of distinction between
classes, and make the world truly recognize al
labor as honorable, then his structures upOI
over worked shop girls afflicted with false prid
will have some weight. Greater changes thai
this have been wrought in public sentiment
At one time scholars received, as sort of di
ploma from college, license to beg, and al
though some scholars of to-day beg without an.
license, it would be considered disgracefu
thing for them to do so in professional way
Certainly if custom could at at any time justit
beggary, and look upon it as an honorable vO
cation when Prnaotloaed n py scholars ,,os,; CusaOi
service as honorable when practiced by intel
gent girls, whether they be Americans or @
any other nationality.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

CLOVIS business now p inquired one Nash.
vile merchant of another, yesterday. Dull,
fearfully dull" was the reply. The fact is,
nobody buys anything Just now but provisions
and whiskey-the bare necessaries of life, as
il were
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
oFFICI AL
1oxvs and Resolutions of the United States Pas
sed ut the First session of the Forty
Third Congress.
GENERAL NArURR-No. ISL

Az ACT to egaze entries of public lands under the home
A- stead laws In certain cases.
BY the Senate and House Representatives
d b limited States America in Congress assembled That
% III cases Of Of public land heretofore made under the
An homeseads actual
the public domain approved May twentieth eighteen hundred
and the affidavit required by section two OF
ct made before the clerk OF the county of the esIden
q ~ the persons making the entry. without having first made
ts required by the
con three the entitled IAN act amendatOry OF the
bonestead law and for other approved March
eighteen hundred and sixty foul said ahidavs
A and fhe same hereby egazed and confirmed
hsva the same validity the provisions said last
named act had strckly complied with Provided That
nothnR in this shall the effect be construed
impair valid and paramount adverse rights of person
~ rorpOation such lands. far the
vht Of Congress the claims rights Of homestead
settlers upon within the limits O grants of lands
osd have been reserved in the act making
an n grants and be now lawfully existing.
Approved, June q, 1874.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

BREAKFAST Corn CAKEs.-Three teacup.
fuls of white corn meal, one cup of wheat
-four, two of sour milk, with two tablespoon
iuls of cream, OF one of melted butter, and one
eggs and a teaspooniul of salt Bake in gem
pans" and serve hot like rolls.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

The statement of Receipts and Expendi,
lures of the United States Treasury for the
last fiscal year shows that, notwithstanding the
financial crisis last autumn, and the consequent
diminu:ion of the revenues, the Government
did not cxpend all that was received When
we remember the anxiety there was on this
subject at the opening of the last session OF
Congress, and the predictions of deficit
that were then made, it is especially gratifying
to know that the balance sheet for the year
shows surplus Of three and three-quartcr
millions of dollars. We held all along that
there was no necessity for increasing taxation
on this account and the result has proved it,
Phila Ledger.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
rGESERAL NArURE-No. 70. !

AN ACT 10 amend entitled AN provide for the
and other property destroyed in the
ry the United Stares approved March third
eighteen hund red and fOrty-nne
il enacted by the Senate and House OF Representatives
nj the United of America in Congress assembled, That
the st section of the OF March third eighteen hundred
providing for the for horses and
ens by officers enlisted in the military service
shall construed TO deny to such officers
listed which have been purchased by them
in States nSurrectiOn and payment in shall
where the loss resulted from exigency
sy OF military unless caused by the fault
or negl of such officers or enlisted men.
Sgc claims under said section this amendment
thereto shall be- considered unless presented 10 the first
dav of January eighteen hundred and seventy-six.
Annrn June q. ls74.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A Woman's State Temperance Convention
has been called in Indiana, to meet in Indian.
apolis on the I'd of September. This form OF
the women's temperance agitation, we dare
say, will prove more effective for the cause than
their late proftless orusades, which appear to
have passed away like nine day s wonder.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

We hate to say it, for it is a frightful thing
to say of young man, but il must be said
nevertheless j. Gaynor, who made an
effort the other day to carry the Beecher. .Tilton
affair into the courts, parts his hair in the
middle. - Louisville Courier Journal
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A young man asked fo- copy of Homer's
Odyssey at bookstore in Norwich, Conn.,,
the other day, and the clerk not finding it,
remarked in reflective way, We'll, we
haven't any of Homer's latest works in at
DIesent"
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

There it something very sensible in the i'm
promptu remark of a young lady: II our
Maker thought it wrong for Adam to remain
single when there was not woman on earth,
how criminally wrong are the old bachelors,
with the world full of pretty girls?"
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A Cape May youth used the deeds of his
fathers farm for gun wads The stamp oD the
bottom of the document wasn't anything like
the impression the old man made on the same
part OF the lads anatomy.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
lGExERAL xArrRE-No. ST.!

AN ACT to amend the act entit, An act to establish
judicial district of North Carolina.
Be It by the Senate and House Representatives
of the United America Congress assembled That
Of the of June lOuh geen hundred and
entitled An act to establish western Judicial dis
tc North Carolina, be amended by adding thereto the
fwlng There shall also be appointed marshal OF the
United for said district n North Carolina who
shall be entitled salary hundred dollars
payment made quarterly the Treasury Of the United
and in addition thereto the tees O office axed BY law
Approved, June q. 1874.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

The Detroit Free Press processes to have
discovered young lady who bushes, goes to
bed at nine, eats heartily, speaks plain English,
respects her mother, doesn't want to marry q
lord, and knows how to cook.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A Brooklyn young woman, who abandoned
her old husband, says: "He vast too soft.
couldn't be hugging and kissing him all the
while-it ism my disposition. | couldn't bear
to be obliged to sit on his lap aud cuddle him
every time wanted cent ~
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

Mother, Bring My Little Kitten?' is the
most popular ballad" The mewsick is fair.
SO fur as We are able to judge; but the words
seem to have been scratched off rather hur-
riedly, and strung out to such length that
there is feeling of releaf when the singer
comes to a paws,
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A young lady in Milwaukee tainted away
when her lover called and found her bare
footed, but Chicago girl would have kicked
his hat off as she cried good morning. -
Detroit Free Press.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

Two young men out riding were passing
farmhouse where farmer was trying to harness
an obstinate mule Wont he draw? " said
one of the men. ''Of course, said the farmer,
he'll draw the attention of every fool that
passes this way" The young men drove on.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A Milwaukee woman, far gone with con-
begged the doctor to give her some
thing that would keep her up until the verdict
of the Beecher Committee was published.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A new game called granger seven,up" is
announced. Three persons play for can of
oysters. The first man out gets the oysters,
the last man out gets the oyster can, and the
middle man don't get anything.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

I'D hate to be in your shoes" said Terre
Haute woman, as she was quarrelling with Q
neighbor. You couldn't get in them"
sarcastically remarked the neighbor.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

1t was darling Gweorge'' when a bridal
couple left Omaha; it was " dear George at
Chicago; at Detroit it was George /" and
when they reached Niagara Falls it was Say,
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A lady barber has been driven out of
Dubuque by the married ladies of that place.
The latter thought she scraped acquaintance
TOO easily.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

Mohammedanism has been defined as that
blessed religion which makes people wash
themselves.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A tombstone in the YaEoo (Mississippi)
cemetery bears the following inscription:
" Here lies inferred Priscilla Bird,
Who sang on earth till sixty-two;
Now up on high, above the sky,
No doubt she sings like sixty, too -
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02
This is how it happened down in Southwest

THIS IS how It happened down in Southwest
Missouri:
He found a rope, and picked it up,
And with it walked away.
1t happened that to t other end
A horse was hitched, they say.
They found tree, and tied the rope
Unto a swinging limb.
1t happened that the other end
Was somehow hitched to him.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

THE EXPENDITURES OF THE GOVERNMENT
Prof Il. b. Elliott, of Washington, has
prepared some curious statistics of the cost Of
the National Government per capita, under
different administrations. The statistics are
not strictly speaking for administration periods,
but for four fiscal years apprOximating the
different Presidential administration. Except
in consequence of wars the cost of the Govern
ment per capita does not appear to vary greatly,
even during exten led periods of years. Thus,
the cost per head from 1871 to 1892 was $l.3S,
from 1891 to 1896 $129, for the four years
ending in 1900 Sl.66, and for the four years
ending in 1904, $l.47. The four years ending
in 1916, including the war period, raised the
cost to 1896, but the cost was soon reduced
| again, and did not during any one period
exceed $lS 81, until the Mexican war period
when it reached $2.O5. In the two term.
Immediately preceding the rebellion, the cost
increased to 81. 33, and 223 and in the frs
four years Of the war they mounted to $25. II
in cur eAcy, or SIG &c in gold. In the four
years of the Lincoln and johnson adninistra
tion, the cost was $40 IS in currency, or ST.!
in gold per head. During the first term o
| President Grant, the cost was reduced t
$7.37 in currency, or Sc. 81 in gold. If the
expenses growing out of the rebellion b.
de lucted from this whole cost, the expenditure
per capita was only $l96 in currency, or 81 g.
in gold, being no greater in fact than the cos
per capita during extended periods of peac
in the first half century ofthe nation S existence
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

Engaged for every set-a hen.
Smyrna times., 1874-09-02

A curious lawsuit is announced from Rome
in the State of New York. An individual,
becoming inebriated, drove away from q hotel
in that city upon a road that led across the
Mohawk ri;er. A freshet, it appears had
carried away the bridge, aud the individual
being too much under the influence of liquor
to observe this, drove directly into the river
The horse and wagon were lost, but the mar
was saved, the duckng having brought back
his senses. He has now begun suit to recover
damages for the loss and injury he sustained
from the landlord of the hotel where he go
the liquor. This suit, whichever way it may
be decided, will involve such novel points il
law and equity as to cause it to be carefully
watched by both sides of the liquor question
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1874-05-14
Great Snow Storm.
KiKhtcon Inches Of Snow at Utica.

BUFFALO, N. Y, April 26.-
The severest storm Of ram, sleet
aud snow, that has ever visited
this section Of the country, at his
season of the year, commenced u
bout 4 o'clock yesterday afternoon,
and continued throughout the
night. Snow fell 10 the depth Of
fifteen inches, and in SOME places
lies piled up III high drifts. The
storm extended east from here,
and Was accompanied by furious
gale. Barns, fences, trees and
telegraph poles were Frustrated in
oil directions, and telegraph CON-
murieation has been seriously H.
tcrrupt d. Reports from other
cities on the Lake represent the
storm as extremely severe, the
gale causing much damage to
shipping. At Utica eighteen inch
Cd ot SNOW fell; the storm has bro
ken up and the weather is now
getting warmer.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1874-05-14
From Cold Water.
For the Fayetteville Observer.
Cold WATER, May 8, IA.

Cold WATER, May 8, IA
N. 0. Wallace, Esq,-SIR-
AS your correspondent from
this section of the county, | will
give You a few known facts for
your paper. The farmers are
behind with their crops, being
hindered with the wet weather.
They are not Oh an equality in
regard to their crops, for some
are blowing corn while others
have scarcely begun to plant
Nearly every man j. planting
more or less cotton. The rain
that fell the 3rd inst, was tru-
ly heavier than any of the for
mer rains of this spring. The
fields have been considerably
washed; also, a great many
fields left almost fenceless on
the creeks and river, which has
greatly troubled the owners
Some Pave to haul out cross
Fences, others have to put gates
Across the road and take lane
fences for want Of time and
timber to make rails; peaches
scarce, apples plenty in some
orchards, others but few
Farmers are turning their at
tent;on to the German millet,
which grows fine here. Health
good for the season. Not much
excitement = only some few
have the Texas fever. 1t seems
they arc bound for that point.
II they won't stay, let item 60
and try Texas and satisfy them
selves. But | don't think they
will find a ncighbcrhood equal
to this anywhere. w.
Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1874-05-14

ETA General Conference of
the Methodist Episcopal Church,
South, assembled at Louisville,
on the 1st inst. About POO
delegates, representing every
Southern State except Virginia,
were in attendance, including all
of the six bishops. The Rev.
DIR. Paine, as senior bishop,
presided. DR.. I. 0. Summers,
ofNashville, Wasre-elected Sec
rotary, and the standing com
mittees were appointed In the
afternoon resolutions were Of
fered providing for the appoint
Inent of committee of seven to
ascertain and report what church
edifices, parsOnages and school
buildings arc held, kept and
claimed by the Methodist Epis-
copal Church in violation of
the rights of the Methodist
Church, South, and under what
circumstances the Methodist
Episcopal Church obtained
possession of such property
the point being made that the
resolution is very important.