The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-09-05

BUDGET or FUN.
Chicago's female lawyer has won her frs
case. Hes pretty good looking, too.
Warning to baggage smashers 4 Nevad;
elephant knocked. n fellow twenty feet will
his trunk, the other day.
On week days one buys his music by the
sheet but on Sundays he gets it by the choir
A little boy heard his mother tell OF e!gh
teen head of cattle being burnt the Other
night 'Wern't their tails burnt also !: he in
CURED
Mr.. Bergh denies the report that he is
about to cause the arrest of several large
grocery firms tor bot,lng cats-up.
If you didn't get sight AT the comet tins
time, it won't matter; it will be around again
in about go years.
The new dictionary will define delirium
remens as tight fit
A Detroit hus band is in trouble for whip
ping his wife, because the baby did not take
tirstclass prize at II baby show.
Mrs. DR.. Walkers trowsGrs and umbrella
are said to wear a baggy and pcnsive aspect
since she didn't get that appropriation.
A colored Mrs. Darlington, of New Orleans,
observed the other day that her husband held
the stnguished position of supplementary
on the metropolitan police.
Now is the time when the irresponsible ur.
chin glueh the housefiy's wings together and
walketh him against time around the nose of
his sleeping grandfather,
- 49,
When wellknOwn Omaha thief meets a
policeman and hands him So it is the duty
81 the officer to go and sit down in an alley
and see nothing for the next hour--nOthing
but The u.s.
Wise men say that light hair is owing to
IN abundance of sulphur in the system All.
this accounts for the amount of "deviltrv'
that red-hoaded men are universally charged
with,
In Great Britain young men marry, on IN
average, at about twenty-five years OF age,
but they do not begin to repent much before
twcnty.siX.
a dancing master, in renewing his solicit
taticns for patronage, wished to express his
obligations for past tayors, when the printer
by mistake, made him say Most rcspcc'iul
y offers his shanks."
When they want to find out in the country
Il girl is courted or not, an old lady steps
n and remarks: i say there amt any one
,ick in this house or nohln, is there? seen
a hight burnin' into twelve O'Clock last night.
but don't smell no camphirc nor nothin'
round
Boston has dog which eota about the,
street with his muZ2lc attached 70 his tail, and
a blanket, the supcrsrriNtoh Of which gives
out that thedog law watch requires the wear
ing OF the ornaH'cnE does not dcSi gnatc the
place Of Wcarirc it.
A Litch!icld gentleman WAS utroduccd 10
lady fr0m abroad the other evening. Meet
ing her the next day he remarked "th@t She
didn't look we'll" a don't feel well" She
replied. Il had the stomaCh-achc all Of last
aight, and it hurts me YETI The young man
had no more to say on that subject
--sxIso,,--
Another hole IN them pants" said a fond
mother to her young hopeful. 'WhutadrcE
tul onknecsy fellow you are"
! priest who Was' examining a cCnfrEH-
ton class in the south OF Ireland asked the
question, What is the sacrament of nlatri-
mony" A little girl at the head of the class
answered, ''Tis 4 state OF torment into which
souls enter to prepare them for another and
better world Being said the priest, the
answe: for purgatory' 'Puthe down. says
The curatc, put her down to the tut of the
class Lave her alone said the priest, for
anything you or know to the contrary, Sue
may be perfectly right
Gen. Grant to our fclcw countrymcn
Let us have peace" Sanguinary red man
cl1iclng frontier settler with the perSuaslons
Of the tomahawk-" Let Us have top piece
y WESTERN CAsABIANCA---A friend sends
Is the following. 1t reminds one Of Casa
blanca, buttwo points of difference may be
noticed: Casahianca would not take water,
but the Washington youngstcr did; Casabi.
anca got 'blowed up this one did not:
There is nowadays IL good deal of com.
plant about the want of obedience to paren-
tai authority on the part of the rising gcner-
alton, especially on the part of the boys. We
heard OF a case the otlicr day which proves
that there are noble exceptions to the average
boy OF the period" \ young son of one
OF the principal examiners in the Patent
Office at Washington went to pass his school