The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-02-14
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

men and hard drinkers
They have a woman in Toledo who cannot
speak without rhyming. The rhyhihS hiaHl'
seized her after a severe fit OF sickness III Ii
something like this:
II would give me, Matilda, enormous rcliei,
If you'd cook those potatoes anu oc'i' WIN wv
beef.
Or this:
Mary Jane, go right up stairs and sweep and
And do it quickly, too, dye hear, else I'll punch
yer head.
Or this:
you. Johnny, if YOU tear your pants,
III fog you till | make you dance.
Sarah Jane is the name of nine-year OLD glrI
Of Mexico Mo-, who keeps mousse DeauIliuiiy anu
makes her fathers pantaloons without any help'
And vet John Stuart Mill thought he was uncom,
mon smart merely because he wrote political
history of Rome when he was eleven years Old
Louisville C0urierJ0uT"dL
"Yes, my hearers" said q Wisconsin minister
"Htue Johnny Glenn skated into heaven by way
of an air.holc on Grass Lake, and he Is happy
now"
A returned soldier swears that he saw the FOL
lowing inscription on brown slab above the
crave of a deceased wife in the White river re-
zion of Arkansas during his campaign
"She washed the children, fed the fowls,
And made her home rcsound with howis.'
The Rutland HeraM says that an Alburgh de-
batting club in bothcring itself with the moment
ous question: (Which eat the most chickens,
preachers or owls"
A St. Louis paper notes the fact that the hotels
If that city did a good business on Monday. This
NAV be attributed to the few hotels there ana 10
the fact that it was washing day.
Wilkie Collins says that Fennimorc Cooper was
one of the greatest noyclsts that ever ycd-Eh
The same high authority is understood to have
made the astounding statement that Homer was
one of the greatest poets that ever li'ea'
The Peru Herad finds fault with the language
Of Judge Brecse in one Of his Supreme Court
opinions, for speaking of young lady as va
mere school girl having justput on long clothes
The Htad judges from their language that the
average of our Supreme Court decisions ARE
written more carclessly than common newspaper
articles" Does the Herajd pretend that Supreme
Court Judges can write with the same chastc and
iaultless elegance that is demanded Of editors?
We should like to know on what authority the
Detroit Tribune make the following prcposterous
statement:
After their return from their wedding tour the
Duke Of Edinburgh and the Grand Duchess Maria
will board with Queen Victoria until their house
IS ready for housekeeping. There will be the
stoves for the Duke to put up, and Maria Will
want to paper her own bedroom, and there will
he carpets to put down, which will give them
both something to do; and when they get under
way, Victoria will run in and help baking days
come over to wiring out things Mondays, as ii
were. So the young couple have clear future
before them.
That man delivers very powerful temperance
lecture who goes home drunk, shoots his wife and
ihen cuts his own throat; and there is little
doubt that il causes many 4 COnscience-strickcn
wretch to pawn his pistol for some more drinks
and carry dull -COT'icrJ Journal.
The Denver Tribune has been sued for libel
and the damages are laid at 100000. Instead Of
paying up promptly, as is the habtin such cases
il resorts to the most diaboical piece Of revenge
we ever heard Of, 1t publishes an accurate like
ness OF the plaintiff in the action.
The tail has at last been found that ways the
dog. Some forty citizens of Mclrosc, Mass, have
signed petition to the legislature asking thai
Boston may be annexed to that pleasant village
The Methuselah Of horses is still living, hearty
'at and active, in South Durham, VI, He is the
property Of Mrs. Pinkham and in his AID year
Every fair Sunday he may be seen on his way tC
phurch-an example to all old horses.
ID is said that eight million pounds Of olcmar
garinG or artificial butter has been eaten III Thu
country within the past eight montEs.-Er
"Olemargarine" is the name of it, then? Tina
,l.. I,,tg L., 10 In
:cllgibe as tallowrnc or suctinc would be.
1t isn't so profitable as it was to be amcmbe
Of the Minnesota legislature. Free stationery
pretty much abolished there, and no free postag
stamps are TO be permitted, while last year thcs
bits OF paper cost the state SS60O--St Louis re-
The Eariyille Transcript will please make II
reference to DR., Wiley in connection with tn
above item.
Congress proposes now to dredgc out Fcyc
river from its mouth up to Galcna, so as to max
. one hundred and fifty wide and six feet deer
oud TO pay $4,000 for doing it--Er.
Wouldn't it be cheaper to move Galcno to tn
mouth of Fever river?
The Boston Globc referring to a womans con
ycution in that city, says: "Thc soft notes
The gentle hen resound through the Music liza
and the wrlikc rooster bucl,lcih ON hi, spu
aud pauteth for the fray
The Georgia editors accept railroad passes
H..
Illinois editors 10 not, but latest intclligcn
rom Springfield says the honorable members
The Illinois Assembly do. The railroads ii
nat nothing destroys the efficiency and hna
ou,ts NJ legislature so easily a. TO make
cheap and handy for the members to get home
Marx Tw6n's latest fraud, the "Gided Ag'
apparently an effort by the author Of
aDcents Abroad to determine 10y actual t.
pertinent how much "muoccncc" there is
'ome
Eli Perkins advertised a course of lcctur
down East but as he could get no audiences,
oyercamc the little difficulty ly Offering wi
each 20 cent ticket SO chrome.
One Of the most marked instance Of the 20
being done by the rcyiyals Of the season Is
case Of q citizen Of Green Bay Wis, who, duri
revival meeting there on Friday night, arose
his feet with dewy forehead, chalky checks 2
a-hcn lips, ard asked the prayers Of the mcct