, 1874-08-18

THE SINS OF SIMPSON.

Original siu had nothing to do with those
poccadillooB. Simpson mastered tho viooa he
inherited from Adam at m early age. BY tho
t1mo ho was married he muHt havo boon m
angelic character, for ho allowed bis mother-in-
Inv to live with him. 4 fow weeks ago no foil
sick. Ills physician, DR.. Hopkins, decided to try
the transmission Of blood. But Simpsons pro-
posaI, thas tho rcsidont mother-in-law should be
dopriVed Of tho necessary quantity Of life-giying
fluid, WAS Indignantly negatived by tho lattor.
NO friend proferod to ahod lis blood for tho
sako OF Simpson and science. At last, recourao
was had to goat. Two quarts Of its blood were
transferred to Simpson. Remarkable TO-
aulea followed. His strength revived. but
LIE mind weakened. He was a human goat,
lilo buttcd DR.. Hopkins into tie uoxt room. Tho
Doctor galned that apartment with tic sacri-
flee Of hia stomach, into Which tho unruly
patient bad violently inserted Ills bead four
several timoH. Simpson waa engaged In amash-
lug iii tho door-pauolH behind which tho Doctor
lay intrenchod, whom bis luck1ess motler.in-law
entered the room. Instantly sbo regretted her
refusal to supply him with hor own blood,-the
refusal TINT indirectly maize him q goat Ono
frlghtful lunge Of the simpaonian head and tho
mothcr-in-law lay palsioi on tho door, willis
Simpson frisked about on his lRuda and
knees. nov nibbling at tho green flowers
woven i'll tho carpet, and now battoriug
hia helpless victim from head to foot The news
soon spread. THO neighbors who had declined
to shod their blood for Simpson showed q groat
Willingness to hop shed his. They gathered
with guns, and wero discussing tho question OF
giving their intenled victim fair run over the
country, inatead Of shooting him at sight. wheu
tho Doctor. who led them, suddenly turned pale
and started for tho rear. The roason was quick-
ly apparent. Simpson camo friskiug toward the
crowd, filing tho air with "ba'au." a lucky
whlrl OF moose brought him up with ierk,
lls was soon securely tied. His conauerore
returned to their homes. DR.. Hopkins
now succeeded in getting an Irishmap
to hleoa into Simpsons opon veins,
1t waH the signal Of recovery. simpaon il well
agaiu. To bo sure, ho speaks with mighty
brogue, las Joined the "Erin-go-bragh Sum
burst Circle Of tho Fenian brotherhood. and
porsiasa in voting tho people's-party ticket
OF tho town where he resides, to the great
disgust of his old Republican friends; but these
are minor disadvantages. The goats blood |
ehowH itsclf but seldom. A fow SUNDAYS since, |
when simpaou asked tho soxton to Bhow him a |
Hoat, ho varied tho monotouy Of following by
playfully butting him into tho baptismal font,
Iho choir WAS singing line which made an rn-
kind reference to goats In tho world Of the
future at the moment when Simpson broke
out This was doubtless the causo Of tho little
accident. In ono way, tue transfusion has been
II great soryico to Simpson. When he suggosts
1nything. and his adored mothor-in-law homs
lud pursos up her lips and begins, but"
10 hns only tn Say: But me no buts" and
over lis hoad until his figure somewhat resem-
lies tint Of goat. and that blessed female has,
lily ejaculatcs: 'Doarost Edward, 1t shall be
Exactly as You wish,"