The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-05-01
HUMOROUS
"A little nonsense nov and then
Is rehshed BY the Wisest men. +"

I Su1Ss uC auONG IS not TO OK
regarded as a hit at Sanborn.
During a revival at Green Bay.
cltlzen Is reported to have arisen
ana asked to be forgiven for having
been a subcriber to the Chicago
1tmes for nineteen years.
The Hoosiers like work when tits
disguised as fun. The other dsv
twenty ofthem handled over thirty.
five cords ofwood to get 9 rsbbit
which escaped aftera Il.
A Dubuque paper says that Vis-
toria Woodruff is rich in wit. LOGIC
and pathOs, strong in argument and
pointed in applications, but she
doesn't pay her printing bills when
she can help it.
Tipkins aroused his wife from a
sound sleep the other night saving
he had seen a ghost in the shape Of
an ass. 20, let me Sleep" was the
reply of the irate dame,& and don't
be frightened at your own shadow"
According to the Cincinnati Com
mereial New Orleans reporter was
found to have a wife in Vicksburg,
another in Natchez, another in Cairo.
another in Memphis; and then they
stopped counting and put him in
jail.
The Siamese twins were Baptists.
"But," says the Presbyterian, "sup-
pose one had been a disbeliever, how
could the other have been immersed?
But another says they were not Bap-
tists-they were United Brethren,
Go forth in hastel
No time to waste!
Proclaim to all creation
That men are wise
Who advertise
In the present generation.
A Milliner and 9 business man,
who deals in liquor went homs, both
going the same way. When com
ming near the lstter's house the mill
iner did ask in fun: How much did
my husband pay on your house?
The answer was; "Just the tenth
part of what my agife paid on yours. {"
In MarYsville, Cal, the other day,
"a Newfoundland dog walked into 8
market, dropped a ten-cent piece out
Of his mouth, and walked of with q
whole salmon. The butcher says
some folks may call that dog intel
igent, but he thinks q do Q that
can't distinguish between a te1-eent
slice and q fve-dollar fsh hasn't got
even common sense.
A western Doctor pronounces the
temperance crusade as q contagious
disease of the brain which accounts
for the fOrbearance which is shown
toward the crusaders and recon-
mends the following receipt for 8
sure cure:
"Work" Ist part.
More work" End part.
"A good deal more work" Ord part,
Mix well! Dose from a tea-kettle
to a a0asA-tub full every hour
Every person who has ever met 8
commercial tourist, with his little
satchel, will appreciate the follow
'The drummers came down like
wolves on the fold, their toes were
all frosted, their noses all cold
Their weather-peeled bugles soon
shone through the town, they COB
bled the money and sailed 1t down
then took q few orders and lit out
of here, with their heads full of bus
mess and skins full of beer"
Some students fixed upa ghost
and placed it on the staircase of a
Troy newspaper Office the other
night and then retired and awaited
developments. One of the editors
came along and didn't get frightened
He disrobed it, and now wears s
ffteen-dollor pair of pantaloons, 9
ten-dOllar vest, a seven-dollar pair
Of boots and an eight-dollar hat
while one of the students goes about
without vest, and another roams a
round through the least frequented
streets wearing very ancient pail
of inexpressibles.
"Dear old Aunt Sarah" said q
school girl, ''don't see verywell, aad
last Sunday she was buzzing around
getting ready for church, looking for
umbrella, specs, oyer-shoes, and last
but not least, her prayer book. The
latter she thought she had secured
by grabbing something OF her bureau
ut the last moment but when she goi
to church it proved to be my mus
ical box, and the old lady, in trying
to find her place in this uncommon
book of prayer. touched the spring
and it went Off in fine style to the
tune of %, Jim Along, Jim Along,
Josey.' "
One defination of an editor: An
editor il a male being whose bizness
it is to navigate a nuze paper. lie
writes editorials, grinds out poetry
inserts deths and weddings,sOrts ont
maneskrips, keeps = waste basket
blows the "devl," steals matter,
ftes other peoples battles. sells hiz
paper for a dollar and fifty cents q
yerr, takes white beans and apple
saas for pay, when he can get it,
raizes a large family, works 10 hours
out ov every q, knows no Sunday,
gets damned by everybody and
once in a while whipt by somebody,
lives poor, dies middle-aged and Of
ten broken-hearted, leaves no money,
IL rewarded for q life Nv toll with
a short but free obituary puff in the
nuze papers. Exchanges please
eopy.-BillingS.