Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-09-24
PHUNNYGRAMS.

A little bow heard his mother tell Of
eighteen head Of cattle being burned the
other night. Weren't their tails burnt
also?" he inquired.
-" Mamma" said a precocious little
boy, who, against his will, was made to
rock the cradle of his baby brother. ssif
| the Lord has any more babies to give
away, don't you take EN-"
Did not give you a fogging the
other day." said schoolmasJer to a
trembling boy. Yes, sir" answered
the boy Well, what do the Scriptures
say on the subject" 4 don't know,
! sir" said the other, " except it is in that
| passage which says it IS more blessed to
give than to receive.
ooh, no, dear Charles" said the
! widow to her cousin on their return
from the funeral obsequies of the la
mented, "nothink-no, nothink can e'er
assuage my grief. But, for my friends
sake, | must live on; and if you could
order half dozen of those nice soft
shell crabs and pOrter-hOuse beef-steak
| (rare) from around the corner | will try
to be unseltish fOrlOve's sake"
Not long ago an officer of the Lon
don School Board was crossing Covent
Garden at a late hour, when he found
little fellow making his bed for the night
in a fruit basket. Would you not like
to 90 to school and be well cared for?"
asked the official No" replied the
urchin. but do you know that | am
one of the people who are authorized to
take up little boys whom find as I find
you?" g know you are, old chap, if
you find them in the streets, but this
here is not a street. 1t is private prop
erty, and if you interferes with my liberty
the Duke Of Bedford will be down upon
you. l know the hact as we'll as you. y
ChriStja1o Union.
1t is said that a lawyer of this city
purchased from son OF st. Crispin a
pair of boots, for which he promised to
pay six dollars The boot-maker dunned
him until he grew weary, and at length
asked his creditor if he could sue d
lawyer. Certainly you can" said the
lawyer. "Then l will go and sue you
at once" 1T is not worth your while"
said the disciple of Blackstone, at the
same time writing out bill and receipt
ing it, "Here is bill Of five dollars for
legal advice, and one dollar greenback
That just squares the account. There is
no use suing" The bOOt-maker thought
50 too, but does not press the lawyer for
further orders.-EUdHsCiJle Journal.
The boys of Pittsburgh have held a
mass meeting, and resolved: We will
90 in swimming whenever we please, and
won't come any extra shenanigan about
getting our hair dry to sell the folks at
home, and that we will have shirts to
wear so that the big fellows won't laugh
at us when we are undressing;" that
eve are willing to do the square thing
by our parents but amt cut for tending
to babies, and we won't do any labor
about home that does not properly come
within boys sphere, and not that if it in
terferes with the hours of play, which
health demands boys should have, viz. {:
Between seven O'clock in the a. IN. and
nine in the p. M, with necessary inter
mission for meals; that straps and taws
nor cowhides nor slippers will have any
effect in this rebellion. If they try that
game. III will be good-by, John, for
| errandS"