The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-01-03
VARIETY.

INTERCHANGEABLE. johnson defines n ship as
prison, with chance Of being drowned.
New York furniture dealer advertises 90 ele-
gantly embroidered kneeling benches for the
weary and heavy laden"
\ modern writer on social science divides the
human race into three classes Those who think
it is so, those who think it isn't SO, and those
who don't care whether it is so or not.
COOP ADvIcE.-Josh Billings says when
you strike lie. stop boring; many man has
bored clean through and let all the lie out at
the bottom"
DEATHS AND BRrHs.-The average number of
deaths per day among the known population of
the globe il ninety thousand, at the rate of
sixty-twO per minute. The average rate of births
per day is seyenty-fye.
PRovIDED.-The editor of 4 religious paper
which had months precarious existence in
Chicago, says that it is good city for religious
paper, provided Satan has three pages of it and
the other page mixed.
Two handsome young ladies having commenced
practice as physicians in Blackhawk county, Illi-
nOis, it is stated that sickness has broken out
among the young men of the place TO an alarm
ing extent.
Five out of nine of the business houses in Man
chester, Iowa, managed by ladies, and man.
aged well, too. The name of the town should be
changed to WOmanchester, out of compliment to
the ladies'.
CAN BE ACComODATED.-A charitable Cincin-
natl man keeps 4 pair of dogs chained to his
front door, so that poor people who stop to get
" bite" can be accommodated without taking
the trouble to 60 into the house.
According to Beecher " the cheapest thing on
earth is n mean man. \ faithful dog dies and is
missed, good and stately horse dies and he is
missed, the emigration of the birds in autumn is
L source of sadness to us, but mean men die and
few tears fall"
Coon PLAN.-A Massachusetts, editor is inclin-
ed to approve an English teachers plan in exam
lining schools to pass n newspaper about among
the children, and require each to read from it
and to explain the allusons to events, institutions
and persons.
A California exchange says - Portland (0re-
gon) has the politest man record. While
gagged IN carrying wood into the cellar of house
the other day, he fell down and sprained his an
kle The lady of the house rushed to his assist
ance, and was received with: Il beg your par
don, ma am, for making so much noise
Garibaldi is again out IN eulogy Of the Paris
Commune and the international Society. He
saws: IF the devil were to found q society for
the purpose of putting down sovereigns and
priests [ would proudly enroll myself in its
ranks" The priests probably believe that Carl
baldi has already joined such society.
ESyIoUs-Out on the frontier, where high
toned journalism is yet in its infancy, editors
make such remarks these IS The editor OF
the CaIcksr Seminal attempts to yindicate carpet
baggers As he came to this country with his
oyeralIs tied up IN bandanna, he feels envious
Of those who possess a carryall with handle at
tachments. -
Sr,RTLED-The clerks at n watch and iewelry
establishment were somewhat startled, the other
day by an individuals inquiring if he :" couldn't
have his eufraiLS engraved - on his watch case.
After little iHICard laughter, it was suggested
that the applicants initials might be put on in
monogram, which he seemed to think was much
the same thing
DoUBTFUL.-An Iowa preacher said in his ser
mOn the other Sunday: - Religion, IN the heart,
NV friends, is like four aces in the deck without
It no man can hold certain hand 1t is doubt
fuI whether the reverend gentleman's theology
will be accepted by that class of poker players
who hold that - straight flush " beats four of q
kind.
- HYPOTHESIs.''-At a late examination of the
civil service candidates, question was pus 70
them as To the meaning of hypothesis One can
didate answered that 1t was machine for raising
water. Another said he did not remember of
hearing the word before, but j. sounded TO him as
though it meant the twist which the head of de-
partment puts on his subordinates when he wants
them to . come down - for election purposes
\ Friendly PRoPosrT1oN.-The owner of a new
moustache was on the train down from Danbury
recently. He gave up all his attention to ms lip.
First he would push the contents upwards, and
then downwards. Again he would pull out the
ends, and 20 through motions calculated to make
it part in the middle. Finally, bushy bearded
man in seat opposite leaned across the aisle,
and observed in a friendly whisper, yet loud
enough to heard through the car: Don't you
want to get two good hairs to breed from ?''
miracles WILL NEVER CEASE. during q
meeting of the Concord Baptist Association, at
OwentOn, Kentucky, recently, a certain preacher
delivered sermon that deeply touched n good old
Democrat in the audience-and Owen county
Democrat, be it known, is of the purest breed.
On being told that the preacher had once been 4
- Yankee general, he seemed wOnder-struck.
At the close of the sermon he approached the
preacher and taking him by the hand, said
s'They tell me you were a Yankee general in
the Federal Army?'' Yes was the reply,
land 1 tried to do my duty a Yankee! and
eonyertedl'' YES 81 And preacher of the
VII h.