Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-01
A Wedding Night Shirt.

1t wasn't hardly the fair thin,
that the boys did to Joe Thompson
the night he was married, but tn
temptation was irresistible. The.
could not have helped it to saw
their lives. I'll tell you how it was
Joe was about the most fancy
dressed buck in the town-over nlc'
and particular-a perfect Miss Nan
cy i'm manners, always putting Oh
airs, and more dainty and modes
than a girl. Well, when his wed
ding night came he was dressed
trunk empty, and his pants espec.
tally fitted as though they had been
molds, and his legs candles, and run
into them. Tight was no name fol
them. Their set was immense, and
he was prouder than half a dozen
peacocks.
"Aren't they nice, boys" he
asked of the two who were to be
groOmsmen and to see that he threw
himself away i'm the most approved
fashion.
stunning! Gorgeous :" replied
Tom Bennett. "Never saw any,
thing to equal them. But L say,
Joe, aren't they just the least bit
tight? 1t strikes me that you will
have some difficulty in bending
: won't yOu?"
"Pshaw, no! They are as easy
as an old glove, see
To prove the matter he bent down
so as to touch the patent feathers,
when crack ! crack. followed like
the twin report of a revolver.
"Thunder J" exclaimed Joe, as he
clasped his hands behind him and
found a rent i'm the cashmere from
stern to stern. "Thunder the pants
have burst and what shall l do?"
"Tn tell you what, Joe if mine
would fit, you should have them
and welcome, but they r a mile to
big-they would set like a shirt on
a bean-pOle. 1 see no way but to
have them mended."
"VVho can Iget to do it, Toni"
"Well, 1 am something of q tail
or, and can fix them so they won't
show. Hold on a minute and TIl
get a needle and thread"
''Can you? May heaven bless
YOU"
"Ofwith your coat" commanded
Tom as he came back.
"NOw Law yourself on the bed and
I'll fix you i'm short order"
The command was Obeyed-the
pants mended-the tails carefully
pinned over so as to conceal the
"distres S for rent" ard all went
merry as a marriage bell, until Joe
followed his blushing bride to the
nuptial couch.
There was a dim light in the
room, but it enabled Joe, as he
glanced blushingly around to see
the sweetest face i'm the world, rosy
cheeks and ripe lips, the loving
blue eyes, and the golden curls just
peeping from out the snowy sheets,
and he extinguished it altogether
md fastened to disrobe himself.
DIFF came the coat, vest, fancy neck
lie and collar, boots and socks i'm
/ hurry; but somehow the pants
tuck. The more he tried the more
hey wouldn't come, and he tugged
for half an hour.
Thunder ~ muttered Joe.
"What is the matter, dear?"
anne i'm the softest accents from the
ed, where somebody was wonder
ng if he was eve going to come to
her arms.
1t was a moment of desperation.
.Oe was entirely overcome by the
ituation, and forgetting his BASH
illness blurted out:
"Molly, that cursed Tom Bennett
las sewed my pants, drawers, shirt
nd undershirt all togethern
at is all too bad. Wait a mo-
nent dear"
A little stockingless foot first
eeped out, then a ruffied night
ress; the lamp was lighted, a pair
f scissors found, and Joe was re-
,ased. Although Joe denies it.
ON Bennett swears that his we'd
ing shirt was of the shortest posi- !
lie length, reasoning a pOsteriOri.