davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

"A Danbury widower is so afraid of
his wite's ghost appearing unto him that
he sleeps with pistol under his pillow
There is time for all things. The
time for boy to run away from school
and GO fishing is when his folks have
company To tea.
1t isn't right, and Delaware court
has decided that it isn't, for man to tie
his wife up to hitching-post and leave
her there all night because he finds her
spectacles in the coflee-p pot.
The days when boys whipped school
masters are gliding silently but surely
away into Aud Lang Syne. All efforts
to revive the exhilarating custom of late
seem to be attended with disaster to the
boys, and it is to be feared that they will
soon be deprived of every privilege that
once frightened and smoothed the paths
to knowledge.
An inebriated individual precipitated
himself down the depot stairs, and on
striking the landing reproachfully apos-
trophized himself with "lf you'd been
wanting to come down stairs, why didnr
you say so, You wooden headed old tooi,
an ia a come with you an showed you
the way"
"A young man was carving goose at
a dinner table one day when by an awk-
ward move he knocked II into the lap of
a lady who was sitting opposite, in all the
glory OF green satin dress. Instead of
showing his verdancy by profuse apol-
ogles and confused manner, he simply
| said "l'll trouble you for that goose,
Miss ~ Can the annals of society fur
nlsh an example of self-possession more
sublime
Little fiveyear-old Annie, who was
| suffering from u bad cold, went To pay "a
visit to auntie During the day she re-
lated her various successes at school and
ended 10y declaring that she could read II
great zeal better than Sahina, who was
eight years old. "Well," questioned
auntie, would il not sound better III
some one else said ity" Yes" answered
Annie, with very sober countenance, al
think it would. | have such Il bad cold
that | can't say it very we'll"
-" Hans" said his grandfather one
day, "take this jug and go out and get
me some beer" "All right, give me the
money" ooh it is easy enough to get
beer with money; the thing is TO get it
without money" Hans goes out, and
soon returns with the jug. His grand
father trying in vain to get drink says:
Hans, this jug is empty" $50 much
the BETTER" replied the urchin; :" it is
easy enough to drink beer when the Jug
is full; the thing is to get drink when
it is emptyp
"A story comes from neghboring
city in which II young man with strong
ly-developed tendency for playing prac-
teal jokes on his fellow creatures on the
lst of April was himself victimized He
attached fine pocket-knife to a fine
linen thread and left the knife in the
street, the string running to the store.
What was his surprise 10 see "A man pick
up that knife, put it in his pocket, and
walk calmly and serenely awayl The ex-
PLANTATION of this phenomenon lies in the
fact that a carriage had passed over the
string, cutting it in two. He doesn't ike
to hear anybody mention the lst of April
now.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23
JENN Y AND I.
BY MATTE PEARSON s,

BY MATTE PEARSON SMITH.
The sunbeams lay in golden drifts
Among the blooming heather
When we strolled down the woodland path,
My love and together.
II was a summer afternoon;
OIL never skies were bluerl
Ohl never hearts more warmly beat!
OIL never hearts were truerl
And when we reached the rustic bridge
That spauned the brooklet over,
Where breezes from the meadow fields
Brought up the scent OF clover,
And robin sang the liyelong day
His love songs, bright and CHEEKY,
Somehow, before knew, M heart
Ran DER with loves sweet query.
Her eyes were hid meath dropping lids,
Like viOlcts meath the MOSES,
And while spoke her bonny cheek
Was redder than the roses;
And sweet her voice that murmured when
| drew her TO me, nearer;
s'Whate'er betides-whate'e befalls-
I'd only love thee dearer."
Though years have flown cannot think
That am growing older,
That meath the light of Jenny's eye
Each winters snow grows colder
For we are walking hand in hand
As we have walked together
Through all the ills and Hys that came
With dark or sunny weather.
When we shall cross the shining stream
That glimmers just before us,
And, hand in hand. still journey on,
While heavenly skies smile DER us,
There roaming DER bright, sunny fields
Mid breashs Of fadeless clover,
know that we shall love to talk
Our beauteous day dream over.
Northeastern Chr0n0type
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

She saw the guards release the prisoner,
and she heard the shouts of JOY at his de-
liverance; then she welcomed the night
that shut the scene out from her envious
eyes and sepultured her in its gloom.
At the next matin bell old Jasper died
at curfew toll he was laid beside the wife
who had died in his youth, but the mem
DRY of whom had been with him always.
Hearth md Home
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

THOSE who dread the approach Of sum-
mer, because of its thunder-showers and
death dealing bolts, will take courage, no
doubt, when they learn that the statistics
Of death by lightning and by suicide
show that man is six times as likely TO
XII himself rs 70 be Killed by lightninP
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

A CINCINNATI man who was charged
with being a dead beat and a swindler has
obtained seven cents damage. Let this
be a warning to men Of impulsiye natures
who want damages.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

THOSE Knoxville (Tcnn) ladies who
agreed to wear calico IN order to encour-
age economy have somehow or other got
spring silk dresses.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

SIXTEEN years ago Tom Kenyon went
to Kansas City without a cent, and the
other day he signed check for $4,000
He signed it with another mans name,
though
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

NEW JERSEY quidnuncs mention as a
/. are phenomenon native four years old
who has just learned 10 chew tobacco
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23
The "JOlly" Democrats.

The New York Times thinks that the
Democrats are the very Mark Tapleys of
American politics. After quoting the
complete returns of the Connecticut cleo
ton to show that the increase of the total
vote was 4,045 this year over last, and its
division among the three parties in the
field, the Times points out that the only
Thing which these figures prove is, that
the temperance cause is rapidly gaining
strength in the State al the expense of
both parties, but chiefly the Republican.
Well may the Times, therefore, pat the
Democrats on the back for being SO cred
itably jolly under adverse circumstances
"Their delight" it remarks, at finding
that they were not utterly overwhelmed
ia Connecticut is so great that it has
given rise to the delusion that the Repub-
lican party has been crushed by reverse
not so severe as several it has met with in
Connecticut in recent years.
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23

THE Portland (Me) Press says that
five years ago gentleman in that city
scratched his name on nickel cent and
sent it on its travels. Eighteen months
after this cent came into the possession
of Lowell acquaintance, who marked
his name upon it, Two years later it
turned up in Pennsylvania, and came
into the hands of former chum of the
Portlander. Recognizing the name, he
inscribed his also on the coin. One day
his week the man who started the cent
on its travels was making purchase in
a Lowell store, when the identical nickel
which left his pocket five years ago was
handed to him in change
Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-04-23
PHUNNYGRAMS.

(Wich wuz Postmaster. J
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
Is Didn't Kiss her at All.

A gentleman who hes been recently
travelling in the lower cnunties of Tex
as tells the following amusing story
He was stopping over night at house
where the partition walls we're particu-
larly thin. The adjoining room was
occupied by mother and her dangh
ter. After retiring the mother began
to rebuke the daughter for an alleged
partially to somebody named John,
which soft impeachment the daughter
denied vigorously.
s.But, said the mother, 81 saw him
kissing you at the cowpen yesterday
morning, Amanda" No, ma. he WASH t
kissing me at ALL "Why did you have
your head so closeup to his for? you
deceivin' oritter "Well, you see, ma,
l had been eating pitallas, (the fruit Of
a species of cactus, and you see, ma,
l got some of the prickles in my lips
and-and-"
"And what, you wicked, wicked crit
ter?' "And | couldn't get them out
myself, you know, and John pulled them
out with his teeth-but he didn't kiss
her nary time.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

A SWEET TALE. the pass
engers who came down the Manassas
road one day last week and stopped
for while in our village was large
portly gentleman, with a mild and be-
nevolent countenance The gentleman
was accompanied by his family and a
large Saratoga trunk. The said trunk
contained, besides the family wearing
apparel, large jar of blackberry jam
The baggage masters on all our rail.
roads are celebrated for the celebrity
with which they dispatch business in
their own peculiar line; so, when the
train arrived here, the s'Smashar" pois-
ed the trunk above his head and heaved
it gently out upon the platform, whence
it was transferred into the ticket Office
The unsuspecting family followed and
the mild, benevolent gentleman opened
it to get something from within. Then
a change spread over his placid coun.
tenance, when he saw that the jar had
bursted and the jam gone on an explor
ing expedition over his fine shirts and
his wife's best dresses: He opened his
mouth and alluded to a female named
Helen Blazes he said something about
baggage masters; he turned to make
some complimentary remark to the
ticket agent but that young gentleman
had slid out the window. He then
mechanically consigned railroads in
general and this one in particular to a
place which beats August all hollow
for warmth, spanked his youngest child
for looking at him, banged the lid OF
the Saratoga down, and marched off in
towering rage with his family meek
ly following in his footsteps. -Aanasso
Gazette.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
Taking Advantage Of an Accident.

Three men Of war ships-Dutch,
French, and English-while anchored
in port, were contending with each
other for the best display of sailorship,
so the captain of each vessel determin-
ed to send aloft an active sailor to per
form some deed of grace and daring.
The Dutch captain sent a Dutchman,
the French Frenchman, and the En-
glish an Irishman. The Dutchman
stood on the top of the mainmast with
his arm extended. The Frenchman
then went aloft and extended both
hands. Now the Irishman thought if
he could stand on the top of the
mainmast with leg and arm extended
he would be declared the most daring
sailor. Nlmbly he clambered aloft ur-
til he reached the highest point, then
he carefully balanced himself on both
feet, extending his right hand with
graceful motion. Then he threw out
his left leg until it came in line with
his right arm. In doing so he in
glorieusly lost his balance, and fell
from the mast, crushing through the
rigging toward the deck. The various
ropes against which he came in contact
broke his fall, but his velocity was not
too great to prevent his grasping rope
attached to the main yard. To this he
hung for two seconds, then dropping
lightly to the deck, landed safely on his
feet Folding his arms triumphantly, as
if rall and all were in the programme, he
glanced toward the rival ships and
joyously exclaimed, "There, ye frog.
attn anu sausage-stuffed furriners, bate
that if We can!'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
Historical "Reminiscences.

The Opponents Of duelIing find an
illustration most apropos in the con-
duct OF Washington towards Mr.
Payne, an ancestor of one of the gen.
tlemen engaged in the late difficulty.
In 1854, when Washington, in com
mand of the Virginia Rangers, was
waiting at Alexandria the arrival of
Braddock's forces, an exciting election
contest occurred between Mr.. Fairfax
and Mr.. Payne for the House of Bur.
gesses. Washington supported Fair
fax with much zeal, and high words
passing between him and Payne in the
market square at Alexandria, Payne
struck Washington blow which
brought him to the earth. The troops
rushed from their barracks and would
have made short work Of Payne had
not Washington paciied them, assuring
them that he knew the proper course
to take Id the premises. Duels were
not then under the ban Of public opin-
ion.
All supposed that fight was immi
nent Next morning, however, Wash
ington sent for Payne, and when the
latter entered the room be saw on the
table, not pistols, but a decanter of
wine and two glasses. Mr. Payne.
said Washington, $40 err is human.
| was wrong yesterday, but if You have
had sufficient satisfaction, let us be
friends" Weems relates that from
that day Washington was Payne's idea
of true manhood. The magnanimity
of W ashington, who was the best shot
in Virginia, will be better appreciated
when it is recollected that at that time
there was cloud upon his military
prowess, as he had been few months
before. compelled by the French to cap.
itulate at Fort Necessity, and had az
| yet done nothing to redeem his fame.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
InsxpsnsIYe HAPPINESS.


The most perfect home l ever saw
was in little house into the sweet
incense of whose fires went no costly
things. A thousand dollars served for
years living for father. mother and
three children. But the mother was
the creator of home; her relation with
her children was the most beautiful
have ever seen, even dull and COM
mon-piace man was lifted up and en-.
ablsd to do good work for souls by the
atmosphere which this woman created;
every inmate Of her house mvoluntarily
looked into her face for the keynote
of the day; and 1t always rang clear
From the rose bud or clover-leaf which
in spite of her hard house-work, she
always found time to put by our plates
at breakfast, down to the story she had
on hand to be read in the evening, there
was no intermission of her influence.
She has always been and always will be
my ideal of mother, wife, home -maker.
Tito her quick brain, loving heart and
exquisite face had been added the APP
plianoe Of wealth and the enlargement
of a wider culture, here would have
been the ideal ofhome. AS it was, it
was the best have ever seen.- Heie,
Huat
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

30 no, doctor! going into the coun-
try" cried the child. and Selling her
/ precious flowers, she continued, "did
you ever see anything SO lovely, doctor?
And we went out where such lots of
them grew! away to the end Of the car
route, where there was such lovely
little house, all buried in vines, and no
one living there. I don't see how any
one who had ever been there could
bear to leave it Do you know where
it is? as the doctor looked up with a
strange expression.
81 should think IJdid," he answered
slowly, and as if thinking aloud 'The
very thing What fool not to think
of it before 's ~
eyes, Kate he continued, shat il
the house where I was born, and lived
many years Since my mother died
1t has been shut up. and sadly needs
some one TO take care of it. I don't
like to have it go to ruin, and have Of
ten wished | could find some good ten
ant-some one / could trust. Suppose
let it to you, Katie7 He added, play
fully. ''You are getting so rich, you
can well afford to rent it. I have got
to go out that way now, and if you
will put on your hat, you may go, too,
and see if it suits you"
"May /, mother?" and seeing the
answer in her mothers eyes, the ha.
was on, and Kate in the chase in
twinkling. - ..;.~ ,....
A few hours later She came home ra.
diant. z j.
'The house was lovely perfect, and
furnished, too! And the doctor said
there were to be great many buildings
erected near there that fall; and there
would be a fine chance for her father
to get work as soon as be was strong
enough"
The doctor confirmed her statements;
and amid the heartfelt thanks Of Katie
and her parents, produced a formal lease
OF the place, made out in katie's name,
which she with the most intense gravity
signed; and the next week saw her as
happy girl as any in the land, in her
new home. -BuNou's Magdzine.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
- A-----
FoRTlFY THE SOUL.
By ". w. LANCE.

The resisting power of the soul is no
greater than the barrier It places be
tween itself and its besetting sin. If il
field Of grain be surrounded by pas
ture in which feeds mixed flock 6
cattle, deer, sheep and hogs, it is ne
secure unless the fence inclosing tn,
field be SO constructed as to resist tbt'
most breachy animal If it be lighi.
of ordinary height, and simply set upoa
the ground, it will resist the sheep
but the cattle may rack it down, tn.
deer go over it, or the hogs root under
it. If it be heavy and strong, the cal
tie and the sheep may be resisted; but
the deer find no difficulty in going over
it, or the hogs under it. If it be heavy.
we'll built, and deeply set in the ground,
but no higher than before, still the crop
is in danger. To preserve the grain,
the fence m list be so high the dec csn-
lot leap it, SO strong the cattle cannot
rack it, and so deeply set in the ground
the hogs cannot go under it.
So can we only expect to preserve
the golden grain of Christian experience
inyioiate by fortifying against the most
active sins, the Strongest temptations,
and the substratum of our natures self.
To do this, however, requires more he
roisna than to stand in front of the bait
tles-more fortitude than to be immoy..
able in the defense of pet theory on
creed. 1t is the voluntary crucifixion
of self; the dying to sin ana living to
God; the casting from us the dearest
idols Of the heart 1t is lifting the
standard of Benevolence over the fallen
form of Avarice. 1t is throttling pride
and embracing humility 1t is the de-
termined will to suffer the loss of all
thlngs rather than to lose Christ But
none need despair; it is the privilege
of all to be fortified in Christ. And
through his name, we all may conquer.
''To him that overcometh will I grant
to sit with me in my throne, even as
also oyerca,ne and am sit down with
my Father in his throne"
Heaven is only the eon4ueror's
home.-W g. Adyocdte.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

GRAssHopFER WHIsKEY.-It has
been discovered in Minnesota that the
grain crop of that State, which was
harvested by grasshoppers, may be
utilized in a ticarious sort of way by
distilling into whiskey the grasshoppers
which have eaten the grain. This
ought to be very lively fluid, quite as
active, in fact, as JERSEY lightning. /
First catch the grasahoppers, how
svcr
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

A college professor encouraged his
geology class to collect specimens, and
one day they deposited piece OF brick
streaked and stained, thinking to i'm
pose on the doctor. Taking up the
specimens, the professor remarked
''rhis is piece of baryta from the
Cheshire Mine" H ,lding up another
this is a piece Of feldspar from the
Portland quarries, and tbs" coming to
the brick, lis piece of impotence from
some member Of the class.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

elbow rsach peek for potatoes q
asked gentleman in the market on
Monday morning. The price suited
him, and he was about to purchase,
when thought struck him. sWait a
moment my good woman, l fear these
potatoes were picked on Sunday" 'No
sir, they were not she replied. ''but to
ell the truth, they grew on Sunday"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

"sam why don't You talk to your
master and tell him to lay up treasures
in Heavena' whats de use of him
layin up treasures up dars lie never
tee um again.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

A BEAUTIFUL RECEPTIoN.-A Yves.
leyan missionary in West Africa re.
lates the following: son the way T was
met by the people, and conducted to
the mission house ofthe Church Mission
airy Society, where the school children
and people surrounded the house; so
that nothing would do for them but l
must come out, that they might see mt
and conduct me to the church. On
arriving at the church an immense
body of people struck up singing a
hymn in Yoruba, and with fearful ewes
and throbbing heart l entered the vestry
where l could not but lift up my heart
to God in thaukfulness and imploie
divine help in the service. 1t was
glorious sight The church, inside n
outside, windows and doors, was ere
vast sea of faces, and the singing was
the best | heard in Africa, and could
not but move the hardest heart. Ard
while | preached from Tim. iv. 6-e;
through an interpreter, the utmost at
tention was given. l was safely COL
Quoted back to the mission house by
the native gentlemen, amid blazing
torches to light US ON the rough rosd.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

Pat was shov, ling his cart I'd when
the ''boss" came along and told him 10
dump it. Down went the load, cart
and horse over the embankment while
Pat complacently remarked: ats
mighty convenient, but trying to the
! beast
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

ATTENTION TO THE OLD.-A little
thoughtful attention, how happy ii
makes the old. They have outlived
most of the friends of their early youth.
How lonely their hours Of ten thei
partners in life have long filled sileu;
graves; often their children they have
followed to the tomb. They stand
solitary, bending on their staff, till the
call shall reach them. How often they
mnst think of absent, lamented faces;
of the love which cherished them, and
the tears Of sympathy which fell with
theirs, now all gone. Why should not
the young cling around and comfort
them, cheering their gloom with songs
and happy smiles?
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10
SHENANDOAH HERALD
ADVERTISING RATES:

Advertisements will be inserted One Dollar pfr
square often nesor less. forthe nrst insertion and
50 cents for each subsequent insertion
Unless the number of insertions be marked upon
the manuscript, 1t will be published until forbid
and charged accordingly.
Notices in the local column will be inserted ct
iouble the advertising rates.
Advertisements for three months or longer WI
be inserted at lower rates.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1874-09-10

* REEN'S MANSION HOUSE,
VI ALEXANDRIA, VA.
JAMES GREEN, ................. PRoPRIEToR.
Is rstclass hotel, in every respect. The citizens
of the valley having busines in Alexandria or Washing
ton and travellers going North South will find this
an agreeable resting place the route, it does not
require the early start by several hours from Wash
ington or Baltimore. Cars and Steamboats, leave Al
exandria for Washington and return every hour from
"A. NJ. to IN P. NJ. Jan. TT