The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-05-02
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

silk dresses with high corsages on eXclaiu'
cd an appalled, diplomat afterwards, ut was hon
rble. Such dsrespcct to the President ant
his wifel"
The cremation fever is spreading, one Of it
latest victims being wealthy New Yorker, who
according to the Manufacturer and builder, la
added codicil to his will ordering that after hi
death Lis body shall be injected with petroleum
placed in metallic coffin and then be dcpositc,
in one of the rctorts of the Manhattan Gas com
pany's works. II afterwards no one wishes toiu
ter his ashes they are to be delivered to the Cen
tral Park commissioners, to be used as fcrtilizinl
material on one Of the flower beds near the music
stand.
The following specimen of obituary poetry
will be found convenient when cremation be
comes the order: -
And this is all that's left of thee,
Thou fairest Of earth's daughters;
Only four pounds Of ashes white
Out of one hundred and fourteen and three
quarters
Verify the ways Of women are past finding out
says an exchange
Now the ladies have fashion of tyingup their
taper fingers at such time the young gentle
men are most naturally expected to call, and
when las matter Of course asked the cause,
the dear creatures blushngly reply: 81 burned
them broiling steak this morning" The result
is that the credulous young men are burning
Neir fingers by believing the story.
The Vallejo Chroniele says: "a new 'cutthroat
game Of cards has come in vogue, which prom.
ises to become the rage. The stake played for is
n can Of oysters. The first man out gets the oys-
tiers, the last man gets the empty can, and
the 'middlc-man' gets nothing. 1t is called
Granger Seyen.Up.'"
Dreams are not to be relied on. An exchange
says Michigan man dreamed recently that his
aunt was dead He tried the same dream on his
mother.in-law but 1t didn't work.
Sixteen Boston husbands have dubbed togeth-
.r for the purpose OF learning the culinary art.
Their relations with gridirons and fryingpans
have not hitherto been OF the most pacific char
2ctcr
We find the following model obituary notice
with business embellishments in an Indiana ex-
change:
A long funeral cortcgc weDdcd its solemn way
to the cemetery yesterday. The deceased was a
man who had neglected to buya nice warm suit Of
underwear at the Emporium Bazaar. Be wise in
time. The store is crowded with lovely ladies'
HUu tHc SpIuCc CitTkb are hopping TOunu ike
heas hot gridlron. Cali before 1t is too late"
Some INSCRIPTIONS trifcr lately copied Walt
Whitman's Prayer of Columbus and sent it to
a western paper for publication The editor de-
clined 1t, with the remark "If the author will
leave whisky alone, he may yet rise TO be the
chief deck hand Of a canal boat .r.4f
The Boston Transcript says eve are to have
"a al IL 1ut , boy lad .,,t
Der yard-sticks and bags of shot for weights into
which more or less Of the metallic element can
be introduced at pleasure"
Dumas writes with his feet swathed in tiger
skins" says Kate Fields. 1t might improve his
style II his head were soaked in whisky-skins
avs the Richmond Enqairr.
Pittsburg Commercial; Hon Jere Black is such
an intense Granger that If he found three men in
bed together, lee would want TO abolish the md
die man.
The Netrs without fcur Of henpecking ayers
that the stairway to the Danbury Lyceum is as
dirty as the children Of a female reiormer
western paper announces the death OF lady |
celebrated for the purity Of her character and
complexion .....
A noted blind bcggar in Chicago who had been
lo,ng q, SMASHING husincss. ruined II utterly Inv |
>. $500. 800 ~
'hptuueh''S eA'n'i'l''S MS pos'a' currency w
street lamp, to see il it was all good. lie is said
10 be one oi tle pest Judges OF counterfeit mon
~ in the city. -
The Danbury Nsrs sugely remarks: at there
il one time moro than another when woman
should be entirely alone, 1t is when line full OF
clothes GENES down in the mud
The rouno ladies af Vcrmont o,c now oiyipy
smear nartirS and The voun,, gentlemen orr Sip
untitiously showing their nreforence = gropbic
A Yankee editor has Just had his family rein
forced, ghcrcupon he INDUCES in the following
,,oeti, o,,D,r.t
hing oui, wld bclle--and tame oncN, 100,
ElnS III tue lovers moon!
KING CUT the little slips and socks,
hihC IN The bib ana spoon.
King out the muse, ring in the nurse