, 1874-09-13

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hens handkorchiefa for rich bachelor, sh
Eprobably eews that she may resp.
: "A marriage IcenBe WAS recently iaeued
| | Washington to couple whereof the gentleman
f while III state Of temporary insanity, attempte
| | to murder the lady he is about to marry. Sh
was bound to have her revenge.
1T is nothing for Arlzonn girls to own s, ,0o
cattle and TO- 900 sheep; but pause, young man
She stumps around barafootea, spits through he
teeth. and plays q lone hand Of euchro.
a Yankee poet thus breaks 1orth: 'oh
the suore, the beautiful snora. filing the cham
ber from ceiling to floor! OYr the coyerlet
under the sheet, from her wee dimpled chin t
her pretty feet! Now rising a1oft Ike bee il
juno; now dute-like aubsidlng, then riaiuf
again, is the beautiful snoro OF Elizabeth Jane.
a few days ago the Boston Post gave notice
thai there was Brooklyn man who had fallen
in loTo With his wife, fince then tho poor WON
an has been obliged to lock him up in the cellar
! to protect him from tho Now York reporters.
Ono OF the 1neanast things small boz eau
do Is to put tacks in tho chairs when he knows
that youug man is coming to call On his sste,
tha. evening.
=" should like Courtehip and Marriage
and The Best Of Husbands" eaid pretty
girl tripping into Broadway bookstore, :. I
think I can fill tho bill. miss, y rapliod tho
dapper young salesman. Said she: Have you
Ten Thousand 3 Year ?"
"A Detroit young woman tried to BE- ariato~
cratic, and did not Iook at tho money she Eayo
to q horso-car conductor. but he meckly gavo
her back the lozengo on which was written, :'lll
mover cease to loEo thee" and said that le was
IA orphan, with five little btotl1or5 to support.
and must bo excused.
-'' Arc tho Joneses back :" inquired Mrs
Spilkins, who hasn't beon out OF town al sum
mer. Yes m, rcpllod the cook, and Mrs.
Brown sud tho children got l1ome from Saratoga
this morning." ":rLen, Mary, you may open
! The front shutters," continued Mrs. s.. s' and
naJ tia: we've returned too."-heto York COM
| Merc.a!.
--Geutlaman {wllo has stepped upon her drosa)
u Thousand paf1ons, madam: Lady pleasant,
Of him: :" Awkward, STUPID follow! NY gath
What At ho said i'd to him himself: coaionndediy ridic-
ulous fashion. these trains In tho Htreet! Make
| with thcm!
a st. Louis woman appeared in oourt tho
other day. against her husbaad. and. said she, in
| tho extremity Of her ausuish - He has never
given me cent since be married mo, and hare
pawled my watch. jewolry, and cycn my false
hair. to get along" THIS was misery.
a pout!ng bride, on her first eca -oyage,
writes home; TIE motion otthe screw stoa.n-
er iB like rdug gigantic camoi that hns the
heart-disease, and you do not miss single throb-
know Q; nothing TO compare with it for bore-
don, unless it DO your loneyEloon when YOU have
married ior money"
"A lady was recently engaging new cook.
and had apparently settled details satisfactorily,
when the domestic inquired: a. How many other
servants do yon keep, INA ON I" rrwo," was
the reply. Oh, then, your place won't suit mn
a'aua, as always like gatno Of whist Of al
evening. and l don't lie Ilayipg dummy"
1t is said that some Troy women attend
funerals for the sake Of displaying their so
h3ndkcrclefs.
An OHIO belle who went osaratogn in hopes
to ilnda Count, came away engaged to man Who
makes waterproof backing.
The Saratoga bellies merely tasto food at the
table, but fee the walters to bring square meal
up the baca stai-H-
a Delaware widow has 2ooo acros Of peach
trees, and no wonder all the laea around there
think she il just old peaches"
The girls 1t Vassar College are learning to
swim. Fourteen Of t:le,n get iuto wasl-tub ut
once so as to give each other courage.
-WldoF Jones husband died far away from
Vome, and it TOOK so long to reach her that the
relict had quite recovered from her grief, aud
was giving large luucA-partY wien tho body
finally arrived. wagon drove up to the door,
and large boz handed out. Curiosity ran
high among tlls ladies' at the window. and wit!a |
ono accord tl,oy exclaimed. "Why. Mrs Jones,
what can that boz" Up went Mrs. jones' eye
GLASSES. and after glanco she coolIy said - Wc
It must be old Jones' come hone. Charley, ruu |
down and open tho door foz your father"
-~Spe,kiuS Of :en-pins, correspondent says |
You zee, while nun chooses bail he eau
haudie with graceful swing of ms right arm,
tho girls arc bound u seoct the biggest ons
they can and- 'Totiny it to the startluS-placo,
they 60 wnddliug run half WY down tbs
alley, and then let 80 their burlen with eplte-
full shove. giye q sigh OF relief, st1aish1en up.
aud walk back with oispitied and unconcerned
air. as they didn't care whether that bali
went Or whether 1t knocked down any Plus Or
not.
Laura Berry fell faintiug in tue scLool-coons
at Carson, Aes, recently. She had "iii.in .htcts
weeks committed to memory 3!a] pages ,f As.4o-
~ aud 2oo OF natural phllosophy. Tue ni5:iz be-
foro she and a classmate had nat gouo to bed at
all. but studied through tie rirht and until . |
o'clock that morning. Ihat Was all the reason
she fainted.
= john Paul. tn describing a Saratoga ball,
Says: IA lady attracted considerable attention
by having her dress cut down iu the back with a
l!beraiity which astonl5icd me, aud delighted
suo io1npaaonl sty4e, eAaet4sr rather more On tue
oai , uuoui ~ oiucl " a4e : sloolo eas
nac, r.a.a he,a ~ ~ ~ - .'at ~
oasN "e!o puu1o 41a~o4s - no'. nos'