South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-03-06

An editor who has INDUCED in heavy life
insurance is said to be folic wed, whenever ne
goes a-fshing, by several insurance agents affec-
tonately bearing life-preserveIs az d umbrellas.
A Duluth couple were married on the ice
the other day, and it would have been highly
romantic if the bride hadn't fallen down and
cracked her auburn head and kicked the minis
ters feet out from undc. him.
-Harper's Weehly tells of e grand church in
Chicago, which boasts Of q splendid organ and
three thousand dollar choir, but a rather dry
ish preacher, on the 6y-leaf &C whose hymn book
were found the following lines
Gould old King David but for once
To this good church repair,
And hear his Psalms thus warbled forth,
Good gracious How he ID swear
And could St. Paul but just pop in,
From higher scenes distracted,
And hear the Romans thus explained,
BY George He'd run distracted"
A dealer in horse-lesh sold to gentleman
Of little experience in such matters a steed as
perfectly without fault Next day the buyer
came back in great fury, because his groom
found out that the alleged "faultless horse was
blind in the right eye. "why," replied the
sly dealer, Chat is not the horses fault it is
only his misfortune
WHAT DARK De HoLE.-Two darkies in the
West went out TO hunt possums, and by acct
dent found large cave with small entrance
Peeping in they discovered three young bear
whelps in the interior
'I.ook heah, while go in dar," said one,
land gets de young bars, you just watch heab
for de ole bar.
sam go: asleep in the sun, and when opening
his eyes he saw the ole bear scrapug her way
into the cave. Quick as n wink lie caught her
by the tail and held on like blazes.
"Hullo dar, Sam, what dark de hole dar p,
''Lor, bless You, Jumbo, save youaself honey;
If this tail come out you'n find what dark de
hole"
Senator Scott was talking to Pennylyania
Sunday School, Sunday or two ago, and asked
the scholars why Simon was kept in prison
One of the teachers quietly prompted a boy to
say that it was for hostage and the youth, not
quite catching the words, piped out: "He was
detained for postage"
Are you fond ofrending works of fiction %
asked q clergyman of one. of his female parish
toner's. "Oh, yes, very" "Have you ever read
Ten Thousand Year p " ''Oh nv gracious
goodness, no /; / never read as many "a that in
all the days of my life"
"A Fairfield, Vermont mother learned of
her daughters contemplated elopement and ON
the night appointed for the flight put some laud-
anum in the girls tea. The latter fell asleep
and did not wake up till morning, and in the
meantime Romeo got tired of waiting and went
home Disguised. lie goes with another now.
What creatures took the smallest of baggage
along when they entered the ark The cock
and the fox they had one comb and one brush
between them
Said tpsy husband to his wife, ''you need
incident blaine me - "'Twas woman that
first tempted man to eat forbidden things, said
his wife but he took to drinking on his own
accord"
There was never time when newspapers
made 80 much hustle in the world as of late.
and yet they do seem to be getting very much
behind
"A lady reporter sent 10 an agriculture! fair,
wrote Of a lot of young pigs "They ,5k too
a#ee! to live r minute"
"A Delphi belle dropped her vi. symmetry
crossing muddy street and ga ant Irish
man banded it to Der with the remark, "Ma'am.
here's your muzzIe."
Josh Billings says, very truly, you'd
''icr not know SO much, than 10 know SO ma
~ things that amt So"
Mister will you lend pa your newspaper ?
Ne only wants to send it 70 his uncle in the
country Oh certainly; md ASS your father
he viii lend me the roof Of his house only
want ihe shingles to make the kettle boil"
"a slab above grave in Arkansas bears the
following legend evidently the t-iba.. Of a de-
voted, but discriminating husband.
She washed the children
Fed Che fowls,
And made her home
Resound with bowls
"a surgeon, after sanguinory battle was
Going Dis rounds examining bis patients lie
anne at length to a sergeant who had been
truck by q bullet In the left breast directly over
Pie region Of the heart. The doctor surprised
'i The narrow escape Of the man, exclaimed. 49,
by my man. where in the name Of goodness
eonld your heart have been {" Of guess il must
lave been in ny mouth just then, doctor" re-
= &.