The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1874-10-17
JIM BLAINE

Some one pulled him back.
jim BLAINE
And Hi. Grandfather. Old Ram.
By MARK TWAIN.
The boys used to tell me I ought to
get one Jim Blaine to tell me the stir
ring story of his grandfather old.
ram, but they always added that I
must not mention the matter unless
Jim was drunk at the time-just COM
fortably and sociably drunk. They
kept this up until my curiosity was
on the rack to hear the story. got
to hunting Blaine; but it was Of no
use the boys always found fault with
his condition; he was often moderately,
but never satisfactorily drunk. l never
watched a mans condition with such
absorbing interest, such anxious solici.
tude I never pined to see man un-
compromisingly drunk before.
A: last one evening I hurried to his
cabin, for I learned that this time his
situation was such that even the most
fastidious could find no fault with it
he was TRANQUILITY, serenely, symmetri'
cal,y drunk-not hiccup to mar his
voice, not cloud upon his brain thick
enough to obscure his memory. AS I
entered he was sitting upon an empty
powder key, with clay pipe in one
hand and the other raised to command
silence. His face was round, red, and
very serious; his throat was bare and
his hair tumbled: in general appear.
ance and costume he was stalwart
miner Of the period. On the pine table
stood candle, and its dim light re-
sealed 1.-THE boys sitting here and
there on hunks, candle boxes. powder
kegs, etc. They said:
"Sh-! Don't speak-he's going to
commence
THE STORY OF THE OLD RAM.
I found a seat at once, and Blaine
said:
81 don't reckon them times will ever
come again. There never was q more
butler old ram than what he was.
Grandfather fetched him from Illinois
got him from man by the name OF
Yates-Bill Yates--may be you might
have heard of him; his father was a
acknowledgement he was a rustler
too; man Ind to get up ruther early
to get the start Of old Thankful Yates
it was him put the Greens up to jining
teams with my grandfather when he
moved West. Seth Green was the pick
! Of the flock; he married Wilkerson
Sarah Wilkerson-good cretur she
was--onc Of the likliest heifers that was
ever raised in old Stoddard, everybody
said that knowed her. She could heft
a bari Of -four as easy as can flap
jack. And spin! Don't mention it.
Independent Humph! When Sile
Hawkins came browning around her
! she let him know that for all his tin hi
couldn't trct in harness along side o
her
"You see, Sile Hawkins was--no il
warn't Sile Hawkins after all--it was q
galoot by the name of Filkins--1 disre
member his first name; but no was I
stump--come into pra'r-meeting drunk
one nj ght, hooraying for Nixon, bccu:
he thought it was primary; and oil
Deacon Ferguson up and scooted hin
through the window, and he lit on oil
Miss Jefferson's head, poor old filly
She was good soul--had glass ey
and used to lend it to old Miss Wagner
that hadn't any, to receive compan.
in; it warn't big enough, and whe1
Miss Wagner wasn't noticing it woul'
get twisted around in the socket, an'
look up maybe, or out to one side, AM
every which way, while t'other one wa
looking as straight ahead as a spy glass
Grown people didn mind it, but it mos
always r ade the children cry, it was 8
sort of scary. She tried packing it il
raw cotton, but it wouldn' work, some
how--the cotton would get loose ant
stick out and look so kind of awful tina
the children couldn't stand it no way.
"She was always dropping it out, an'
turning up her headlight on the com
pany empty, and making them uncom
Portable, becuz she never could tel
when it popped out, being blind on tina
side, you see. So somebody woul'
have to bunch her and say, Your gam
eye has fetched loose, Miss Wagner
dcar-and then all Of them would hav
to sit and wait till she damned it in agai1
wrong side before, as general thing
and green as birds egg, being bash
full cretur and easy sot back befor
company. But being wrong side be
fore warn't much difference anyway
hecuz her own eye was sky-blue, ant
the glass one was yellcr on the from
side, so whichever way she turned it
it didn't match nohow. Old Miss Wag
ner was considerable on the borrow, sh'
was. When she had a quilting, o
Dorcas S'iety at her house, she gen ally
borrowed Miss Higgins wooden leg t
stump around on; it was considerable
shorter than the other pin, but mucl
she minded that.
''She said she couldn't abide crutche
when she had company, becuz the,
were so low; said when she had com
pany and things had to be done, sh'
wanted to get up and hump herself
She was as bald as jug, and so sh'
used to borrow Miss Jacobs wig-Mis
Jacobs was the coffin peddler's wife
a ratty old buzzard he was, that use<
to go roosting around where people wa
sick, waiting for them and there tina
old rip would sit all day in the shade
on a coffin that he Judged would fit tn
candidate; and If it was slow custo
mer and kind Of uncertain, he'd fetcl
his rations and blanket and sleep il
the coffin ights. He was anchored GU
That way, in frosty weather, tor abou
three weeks, once, before ole
place, waiting for him; and after that
for as much as two years, Jacobs wa
not on speaking terms with the oil
man, on account Of his disappointin,
| him. He got one Of his feet froze. An,