Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-10-22
m,scellaneous.

certs on the back yard fence.
A Chicago sausage maker adver-
tises his wares as dog cheap"
"He who by his biz would rise,
must either burst or advertise"
A constantly recurring and ever
truthful statement-"The fools are
not all dead yet"
A man in Cincinnati advertising
for a situation, says: "Hork is not
so much an object as good wages.
Sylvanus Cobb wants to be Lieu
tenant-Governor of New York state.
His excuse is that he has written ooO
novels.
This is the latest form of wedding
invitations: Come around and see
me capture a mother-in-law at s
O'Clock, sharp"
Somebody observes that when six
young ladies sit down to talk about
dress, small boy with a tin horn is
a refuge for the weary.
It's an even thing in Rome, if you
give a beggar ten cents, he will bless
your soul, and if you refuse to give
anything he will bless your eyes.
A student at an Iowa college board
ed himself ON sixty five cents per
week and studied twenty hours per
day. He is now an overseer of high
ways.
Quilp, who has heretofore been a
Universalist, now thinks there are
two things destined to be eternally
lost-his umbrella, and the man who
stole it.
1t doesn't look well, to say the
least, for Kansas church member to
have to draw ont his revolver in Or
der to get at his two cents for the
contribution box.
In giving a geography lesson down
East, a teacher asked a boy what
State he lived in, and was amused at
the reply, drawled through the boys
nose, "a state of sin and misery"
A converted liquor compounder
has been divulging the secrets of his
profession. Now, if a corner grocery
man could be got to the mourner's
bench what a world of good he might
do.
An editorial notice of woufan's
grocery store reads as follows: ''Her
tomatoes are as red as her own
cheeks; her indigo is as blue as her
own eyes, and her pepper as hot as
. her own temper"
A fellow who hid under a sofa at
an informal Boston missionary meet
ing, says that the thirty-five ladies
spoke twice of the down-trodden
heather and more than a hundred
times of new kind of hair dye.
He went out between the acts, and
returned vigorously chewing a Glove.
His wife asked him where he had
been, and he said, ''TO see a friend"
She calmly replied that she thought
his friend must be dead, as she could
smell his bier.
A party of young men were out
serenading few nights since. They
sat on the pavement, which had been
recently paved with tar solution.
Next morning the rear of six pair of
pants dotted the walk, and music is
heard no more around that cottage
AT dinner party recently, Senator
Nye put his new silk tile carelessly
upon the sofa. A few minutes after,
Gen. Butler sat down upon and
crushed the hat fearfully. eD-n
it," roared Nye, 81 could have told
you it wouldn't fit before you tried it
on"
Susan Jane must have been scantily
dressed when she was looking out for
her lover and sang:
"He'll come tonight; the winds at rest.
The moon is full and fair;
I'll wear the dress that pleased him best
A ribbon in my hair.''
A colored preacher down South took
for his text the words, Though after
my skin worms destroy this body, yet
in my flesh l shall see God" which
he divided into three parts as follows:
"First skin worms; second, what they
done; third, what the man seen after
he was eat up"
An Irishman recently stopped at
hotel in Des Moines, Iowa, where
pretty high bills were charged. In
the morning the landlord made out
The amount of damages and present
I'd it to Pat. After he had glanced
,ver it the latter looked the landlord
n the face and exclaimed: "Ye put
ne in mind of a snipe." "WhyY'
lsked the landlord. Because we're
rery nigh all bill"
In view of the fact that Watts
lymns have been translated into the !
Jhoctaw language, and have become
avorites of the braves, an admirer of
he noble red men says it is very af
Getting to think of a noble red man
sitting upon a fence and singing, {
How doth the little busy bee" while
he watches his wife CARRYING home a
couple of bushels of potatoes upon
ZACH shoulder, and wondering if he
couldn't swap that squaw for a Jug of
'obust rum.
A young lawyer in country town c
Lsked some of his friends to game
# cards in his room, to be followed
" a little supper. Frogs were a new
pecies of food in that latitude, and a
lish of them cooked in the choicest 9
ray was the feature of the occasion. n
supper time approached, and during t
temporary lull in the conversation, h
he door suddenly opened, and Mi 9
esian waiter, in a loud voice. an q
ounced supper thus: 'sMr. E., them D
lcds is done, and supper is ready!" p
1t is related of George Clark. the q
negro minstrel that ha;no !: