The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1874-02-10

A BOLT ALWAYS IN ORDER,-Squills
declares that his wife is always taking
some mean advantage Of him. The best
woman in the world, SIR says Squils.
but now and then she will act mean, aud
she can't help it,
Last Saturday at breakfast says
Squils, she was as smiling as bundle Of
chips.
Are your chops done to your liking,
Squills, dear !?
'Deliciously, my love-
i broiled them myself, DEAR
i knew it was going to be hot said
Squills, and when got into the hall to
leave, Mrs. Squils was there with my
hat 10 hand and my overcoat in the other.
'Squills, DEAR she began.
Il thought it time to pitch in here,
said Squils, so | said quietly
How much, Mrs. Squills? out with it,
my love-
MIR Squil.,' said she, Don't be un.
manly, SIR, | beg; not to say ridiculous.
Gussy wants silk dress to 70 to church
iu /; the poor child really isn't decent
you are very sorry, well you ought to be.
Let her say her prayers at home ? Ne,
MIR Squills, she shau't stay at home, aud
she sbant say her prayers, and Mr..
Squills, you're enough to aggravate a
SAINT, aud your conduct is disgusting, aud
it's enough to drive woman to bolt right
off to Chicago and get a divorce
Il thought this was q good time to fire
off my pc; joke said Sq'ills. 80 l said,
Mrs. Squil., bolt is always 10 order
Then | bolted myself, for Mrs. Sqail-
comes of Il fighting family
when | went home that night. Gussy,
dear child. played all my pet Offepbach
music. aud knew was 10 for the dress
only | wanted to hold out till morning
just for the looks OF the thing
For ive years after We we're m ,rried.
said Squllls, Mrs. s. would persist iu
looking under the bod for a man. | sup.
pose because they all do it. Well. fail.
ing 10 fiud the man, Mrs. S. finally gave
mp in disgust and took to something else
suppose SAID SquiIIs, they'll all take
TO something else after they caut find
the man under the bed Mrs Squils
weakness is boiling the door Mr.. Squill-
have you bolted the door is always the
last thing at night
This particular uighf,' said Squills,
Mrs, S. was very digni6cd and distant,
No familiarities, Mr.. Squils, if you
wounded my feelings in the tenderest
poiut this morning, aud l cannot forget,
though you did, that am your wife sir,
and the mother of your children, Mr..
Squils.'
This was pitching in uncommonly
strong you know said Squills, and |
was about to surrender, when Mrs. Squills
turned off the gas and then coiled herself
up in pet, somewhere on the outside
bedrail. Not even good night Squills.
| felt pretty bad about it, | can tell you,
out | went to sleep, for some time, when
[ experienced kick in the back, as if
some play y!ul mule had been tanning me.
Perhaps it was necessary as | always
sleep hard.
'Mr. Squilis, at last hearu MRS. ..
say, Mr.. Sq1ills, have you bolted the
door p
Now, | leave it to any man, said
. ::
correct thing TO mother of a family to
do OF course, l got up and bolted tina,
Internal door, aud | said, Mrs. Squills
why in the deuce didn't you think OF
boiling the door before | went to sleep,
and not to wake up man in the mid lie
of the night to do it And what do you
suppose her answer was ?
why Mr., Squils,' said she, thought
"a bolt was always in order
What did | say? What could | say
And the worst of it ALL said Squills, III
be hanged if she wasn't laughing at me
; could feel the bed shakiug.-St. Louis
Republican.