The Placer herald., 1874-01-10
SClSSORINGTuMS.

A post-mistress in Pennsylvania employs
her husband as head clerk.
A writer wisbcs to know why people al
ways spell tinis without an h. f.l... a.,
''Money is very tight" said thief who
was trying TO break open bank vault.
"Transactions in Hair" is the heading by
a Detroit editor to an account OF street
fight.
When policeman finds man full no
takes him TO the station house and his
friends bail him out.
Smirkms looked at painting Of a pig
and pleasantly asked, "who is that pig
ment for ?"
The fellow who asked for girls hand
and go, her daddy's toe instead, said his
courtship was not bootlcss. Ell.
A Philadelphia paper has nscertained
that Noah Webster used TO play euchre
and steal eggs.
Bishop Meade lately said "Girls are
poorly educated. but our boys will never
find it out" which is pretty rough on the
boys"
1t is suggested that in building railroads,
the rails should be heated redLot, so that
The workmen will lay them down rapidly.
\ "Good-by, you old scolding red-headed
heather" wrote Dubuque man to lis
wife the last thing before suiciding. She
says She like to have got hold of him for
oh
even some man slaps me on the shoulder.
and say, Il vas glad TO hear you vas 80
veil. and den stick pehind my pack his
fingers to his nose, half my opinion Of dat
feller."
A pugilistic Irishman in England. being
bound over to keep the Ieace on all British
subjects, remarked "TIe Lord help the
tirst foreigner meet" .4F W
A fellow, who is nearly as the Hoosae
tunnel was telling in our office the other day
of a song that always carried him away.
Quadrat, looking around, gently inquired
any present could sing that song.
"Hard Times" sociables are fashionable in
Western Pennsylvania. The guests are
compelled to appear in patched clothing ard
The refreshments consist Of mush and milk
and baked potatoes. ..s-.s
The amount Of timber annually consumed
in the form of tootlpicks may be Judged by
the fact that too,hpc ok factory at Canton,
Me-, recently bought GOO cords of wood for
making into toothpeks. ,....
During the biting frost Of last night,
horse was left standing on Liberty street
Without harness on. A man who would
leave horse in that condition would chew
plug tobacco at funeral. Job 81 a..a' .a.
A new disease resembling gravel has bro
ken out among the cows belonging to our
milk dealer. The animals appear to be IN
usual health, but their milk contains con-
siderable sand, 80 that when curdled or
made up into cheese it makes very fine
milestone.
A Titusvie paper says: "a man called
at one of our shoe stores yesterday and
vainly essayed to get on either numbers III,
IL or 13 shoes. The store-keeper then
suggested that he should put on thinner
pair Of stockings and try on the box.
A genteel appearing loafer addressed an
insulting remark to lady Of Troy, n. Y.
She had pail Of yeast in her hand, and
ans wered the impertinence with a dash Of
the lively liquid which covered him from
head to foot. His friends now regard him
as rising young man.
"New Bedford" it is said, ''refuses to
let any Gle exhibit sta,uary unless the fig
ures are covered to the arms with bed
quilt" New Bedford is right. For our
part, we never could endure TO see a beau
,iful woman unless she is covered with q
bedguilt, or something else. e,u
II suppose" .ad physician, smirking,
and trying to be witty while feeling the pulse
of latient, who had reluctantly submitted
to solicit his advice, 81 suppose you think
me bit Of humbug." "Sir," gravely
replied The sick man, Il was not aware
that you could discover q mans thoughts
by feeling his pulse. stI .' fla
A cross-eyed man cast a gloom over a
street car lately, by addressing one Of seven
men, and strangers, OH the opposite seat,
asking him il he had any chewing tobacco
handy. First the seven strangers looked
at each other. Then seven hands went
pocketward, and, upon observing his neigh
no the one spoken to, and the seven hands
returned empty. The erosseyed man cast
\ ,-ichochet glance Of Indignation along {
the line, and with the remark, "a sweet
scented lot Of generous roosters," took q
chew Of lis own tobacco. o.. t'.s
A demure citizen was wa!AiUg down
town one morning last week. when .
stranger addressed him: isi 2"
do you know where the Post Office
is?" is,l a,b; .n s,rn ban .11 tt
''Yes," answered the citizen, affably, and
walked on without parley.
After proceeding for about ten s'crs he
look cd lack and ,;,.od In Lila turn,