The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-03-31
CONFKDRTT x ROADS,
witch is in the State NV Kentucky Z
Marnh Ia 1Q7d

| Marcn l4, 1914.
Joe Bigler, the infamus, and Paddock
wich is worse, hev been at it again. There
is an amount Nv devilment in the buz
| Gums NV them men wich biles over pepetoo
ally, and wich kin no more be stopped thar
kin fermentashen in cider. The Corner:
| will hev to rise in its mite, and kill them two
| impious wretches in self-defence.
The fact that Mrs. Bascom, G. WIS wife,
hez ben gittin large assortment of new
cloze in Louisville, and that she's the only
woman i'm the Corners who hez a second
dress and it would be almost safe to say tie
fust one-hez bin taken advantage NV by
these feends to perdoose an insurrekshen in
our otherwise quiet househo ds.
Issaker Gavitts wife, Lucindy, and Deekin
Pogram's wife, aud his dawter, Mirandy,
happened to be in Pollock's store buyn
some pork to bile, when, ez i'll luck wood hev
it, Mrs. Bascom passed down the street. She
he'd on fur sack and moo bonnet, and he'd
gloves on, and muff, and a gold chain, and
she held her head well up, and he'd ostridge
feather. She wuz a gorgeous site for the
Corners.
See Mrs. Bascom, MiraDdy." said Joe
Bigler, calm the attenshun Nv the wimen to
her, ez she went sailn down the street.
They all looked at her, and rage filled their
chaste buzzums.
Il never he'd buzzum pin," sed Mirandy,
Indignantly.
t'Why, 1 amt got no shoes-to say nothin
NV fur overshoes," shreeked Lucindy Gavitt.
"Why don't Issaker git 700 shoes |" asked
that villainous disturber, Pollock.
"He never hez no money" answered Lu-
cindy.
''Wat did he do with the money / paid him
for his corn, two weeks ago?" wuz the inno-
cent question Nv Pollock.
II wuz spark of fire in magazine.
l. IL L. L. III In~
voice quiverin with emoshen.
"He did sell it 10 me, two weeks ago." sed
Pollock.
''The ornery cuss! Why he promised me
a pair Nv shoes and the baby some cloze
when he sold that corn.'
'.But my dear Mrs. Gavitt," sed this hyp-
ercrltikle sneak, ''you know
jest then Mrs. Bascom WAS returnin-
'.But you know" he continued che he'd to
Mrs. Bascom agin, and amt she sumner
becoz G. w. he'd to go to Louisville to git his
wife's winter outfit, and he he'd to hev wat Is
saker owed him.
And the munney for the corn, wich
planted, and hoed, and cut, and shucked, he'd
to 60 to put cloze on LIZ Bascom, did it? Liz
Bascom hez cloze, hez shev'
And this enraged woman howled with
emoshun, as did Mirandy Pogram and her
mother.
And Pollock kept addin fyol to the fame
he had kindled.
"Here." said he to Lucndy, ''is lovely
piece Nv velvet wich wood make you an ele-
CANT sack, and, Lord bless yOO, how this
French flannel wood make up into dress
and cloak for yoor baby. 1t does seem to me
as though lssaker and the deekin mite let yoo
wimmin hev money enuff to git yoo some
things. 1t seems pity that Mrs. Bascom
shood hev everythingv'
Eff there is anything which'll make lion
out Nv woman it's the desire for dry goods.
Pollock knowd this and he played it onto EN-.
He showd em dry goods till they became raw
ing maniacs.
These three misguided wimmen left the
store crOOsoders-they wuz so many Jone Nv
Arks. Thro the mud they went TO Mrs. Nc
Pelter's to Mrs. Elder Pennibacksr's and to
the wife of every reglar resident Nv the Cor
ners, and they determined to make move
onto Bascom, and stop his biznis anyway, so
that the money spent at his bar could be
yoosed in gittin cloze for them and their
children. They appointed Toosday last ez
the day on which they wuz to make the raid.
They arrange procession, with banners
onto wich they waz to write, LESS rum
more cloze," and they wuz to visit Basc0m
and set down in his grocery and compel their
husbands not to drink no more, and Bascom
not to sell EN- anything more.
There was wild forebodins of woe in Bas-
CONS. G. w. hisself, and Issaker Gavitt,
and Deeken Pogram and myself all sot with
pale faces, dreading this invasion. l am a
man Nv resource. I advised that a bari be
extemporsed there, where we Good get our
nips, till this cyclone shood pass over. This
q. w. consented to do, and thus fortified we
sot down and awaited the attack.
Wat military conkerer wuz it that wuz
saved from annihilashun by the weather git
tin so warm and the yeeldin ground so soft
that the enemy coodent move their artillery
| 1t wuz similar interposishen that saved us.
| Toosday mOlnin broke ez warm and ez pleas
| art ez May-day. The sun came out smil-
| in. and it wuz warm enuff to go barefoot,
/ and the Corners wuz happy. The persechen
wuz to march at II.
'.We are lost" said Bascom, gloomily.
"Oh, that shood live to see this day p
sighed Deekin Pogram.
LET us comport ourselves like men," sed
l. This is cyclone. 1t will only last few
days. Cannot we submit to deprivation for
that time?"
Ten o'clock arrived. The wind set from
the north. Isaaker rushed out and looked at
the sky, and came back with hope on MS
cOuntenance.