The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-04-11
NEW NoR-wEsTERs.

z
Bonner has bought Dexter's three sis
ters.
Savage saloon-keeper-"L Let's licl
her."
Wisconsin horses are having the epi
zootic.
i "A mob is monster: all head but M
brains.
|. Chicago has packed over ], 800, 900 hogs
this season.
| Felt slippers-Those felt by children in
their rude young days.
If you were to have boil, where should
You prefer it? In the kettle.
Fashionable young ladies, like letters,
require stamps, or the males reject them.
The most remunerative profession is
that of dentistry, where money is made by
achers.
Worcester Press Sir Garnet Wolseley
is proving himself to be a regular Koffee
cooler.
NO manners are so fine as the most
awkward manifestations of goodwill to-
ward men.
james says the ladies don't seem to
give thought to us fellows who keep away
from saloons.
The late Senator Summers new book is
in press. Whittier has contributed motto
on the title-page.
Wealthy Northeners continue to aston
ish the natives by building magnificent res
licences in Florida.
-"Mine Got! vat will the Frenchman
make next ?' said the Dutchman the first
time he saw monkey.
AN old bachelor says that every woman
is in the wrong until she cries, and then she
is in the right instantly.
Sir Garnet Wolseley hired all the SOL
diers he wanted from two African kings at
fifty dollars per thousand.
-"Pa, what is the use of giving our
pigs SO much milk ?" $50 that they can
make hogs of themselves, darling.''
A burglar who was found undera mans
bed in Philadelphia excused himself on the
ground that he was looking for his dog.
Why was the whale that swallowed
Jonah like a retired milkman? Because
he got profit (prophet) out of the water.
Twenty-Five thousand "rife cartridg-
es" have been sent from Cincinnati to the
Indian frontier They were put up in pint
TASKS.
The New York World devotes three
columns and half to the proof that the
cost Of o11e tiTtnkard To Tie HE community Is
$4,000.
The death of Senator Sumner leaves
Senator Chandler of Michigan the Oldest
member of the United States Senate in
point of continuous length of service.
who hasn't a plan of his own for the solu-
ton of the financial problem they drown
him. No one has been drowned there yet.
A young clergyman, small of stature,
preaching as a candidate in certain place,
one Sabbath, peering over the pulpit Bible,
announced as his text: SIT is I. Be not
afraid
MIR. 2. I. Barnum is advertising in the
London newspapers for estimates for the
construction of the transatlantic balloon.
which he intends to have finished early in
the summer
Here is a church Choking for a man
who will best pay off their large debt"
Which confirms the somewhat cynical re-
mark we once heard made, that in many
churches minister is nothing, after all,
but an auctioneer to rent pews.
One Of the professors asked student
to give him an example of mixed meta |
phor. The boy confidently spoke, out |
" When my tongue shall forget her cunning |
and my right eye cleave to the roof of my |
mouth
One might write column obituary no. I
tice of an officeholder, and then not equal
the brief announcement in an Iowa paper:
. Harvey Jackson, county treasurer, is
dead. He was lenient with the widowed,
and his books always balanced
Mr.. Geo. d. Bayard, who enlivens the
columns of the Brooklyn Argus with daily
sallies ofwit and satire from his trenchant
pen, perpetrates the following good thing
upon the lately-departetl "uncle Caleb y:
Wealth. says the Jewish sage takes wings
In spite of all onr pains
Which may be why our Cushing fnds
1t hard to hold his Gaines
"A missionary among the freemen in
Tennessee, after relating to some little col
'red children the story of Ananias and Sap
'hira, asked them why God does not strike
dead that tells a lie, when one of
he least in the room quickly answered,
Because there wouldn' he anybody left.
-Thurlow Weed pays his 1912 pension
money to widow named Mrs. Cream, with
whose mother he boarded sixty years ago.
While he was learning the printing trade.
Daniel Drew had his name enrolled in Feb
uary, 1871, as a warrior of 1912, but has
lot yet drawn dollar. Unless he appears
It this payment his name is to be dropped
rom the list.
1t is related that a backwoods preacher
nee gave out this text: " Though after
ny skin worms destroy this body, yetinmy ,
lesll shall see God;'' and went on: my
'rethren shall divide my subject into
hree parts: First, the skin-worl,is, second,
Fhat they done; third, what the man see
fter he was eat up. Fl
u. A. Van Pelt, the reformed saloon-
eeper, and comrade Of Dio Lewis, Is a ,
nan of large frame, broad, square face,
nd struggling black beard. He wears a