The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-03-06

nOney Win never one
Which added, 'Please give this insertion, and sci
in your bill sohen you're dose;;''
There were letters from organizations-their NEE
ings their wants, and their laws,
Which said, "Can you print this announcement f
the good of our glorious cause?"
There were tickets inviting his presence to fest
walls, parties and shows,
Wrapped in notes, with "PIease give US notice,
demurely slipped in st the close;
In short as his eye took the table, and ran DER il
ink spattered trash,
There was nothing it did not encounter, exceptin
perhaps it was cash.
The editor dreamily pondered on several ponderou
things,
On different lines of action, and the pulling Of dif
ferent strings;
Upon some equivocal doings, and some unequivoca
duns;
On how few of his numerous patrons were quietl
prompt-paying ones;
On friends who subscribed 'fust to help him, p an
wOrdy encouragement lent,
And had given him plenty of counsel but never hal
paid him cent;
On vinegar, hnd-hearted people were feeding hin
every hour,
Who sawinot the work they were doing, but won.
dered that ''printers are souri,
On several intelligent townsmen, whose kindnes
! was SO without stint,
THAT they kept an eye out on his business and to,
him Just what he should print;
On men who had rendered him favors, and neve
pushed forward their claims,
So long as the paper was crowded with locals con,
| taininp their namas-
On various other small matter, sufficient his temperl
to roll,
And finely contrived to be making the blood of an
editor boil;
And so one may see that his feelings could hardly
be said to be smooth,
And sshe needed some pleasant occurrence, his
Weakened emotions to soothe;
BE had it: for 10, on the threshold, slow and reli-
able tread,
And farmer invaded the sanctum, and these are
the words that he said:
''Good mornin, sir, Mr. Printer; how is your body.
today
I'm glad you're to home; for you fellers is al'ays
runnin' away.
Your paper last week want so spicy nor sharp as
| the one the week before;
But s'pose when the campain is opened, you'll
be whoopin' it up to 'em more.
That feller that's printin The SGSsr, is goin' for
you, pretty smart;
And our folks said this mornin' at breakfast, they
thought he was gettin' the start.
But hushed 'em right up in minute, and said a
good word for you:
I told them believed you was tryin' to do just as
well as you knew;
And Itold 'em that some one was sayin', and who
ever twas it is so,
That you can't expect much Of no one man, nor
blame him for what he don't know.
But leavin aside pleasure for business I've brought
you my little boy Jim;
And I thought would see if you couldn't make an
editor Outen o. him.
''AIy family stock is increasn while other folks
seems to run short.
I've got right smart of a family-it's one of the
old fashioned sort:
There's Ichabod, Isaac and Israel, workin' away
on the farm
They do about as much as one good boy-snd max e
things go off like charm.
There's Moses and Aaron are sly ones, and slip
like couple of eels;
But thy're tolable steady in one thng-they al'ays
git round TO their meals.
There's Peter is busy inventin', Cthough what he
invents can't see),
And Joseph is studyin' medicins-and they're both
of 'sm boardin with me.
There's Abrsm and Albert lie married. each wOrkin'
my farm for himself,
And Sam smashed his nose at shootin' and 30 he
is laid on the shelf
The rest of the boys are all growin cept this little
runt which ia Jim.
And thought perhaps I'd be maxim an editor
outen o. him.
He ain't no great shakes for to labor, though Ive
labored with him good deal,
And give him some strappin' good arguments 1
know he couldn't help but to feel;
But he's built out of secOnd-class timber and moth
in about him is big
Exceptin his appetite, only, and there he's as good
asapig.
keep him a-carryin' luncheons, and film and
bringin' the jugs,
And take him among the pertatoes, and set him to
piclrin' the bugs;
And then there is things to be don' a-helpin' the
women indoors:
There's churnin' snd washin' of dishes, and other
descriptions of chores,
But he don't take to nothin' but victuals, and hem
never be much I'm afraid,
So thought it would be good notion to learn him
the EDITORS trade,
His body's too small for farmer, his Judgment il
rather too slim,
But thought we perhaps could be maxim an edi-
tor outen o. him.
ait amt much to git up a apaper-it wouldn't take
him long for to learn;
n. II a..
some good strappin' fellow to turn;
And things that was once hard in doing, is easy
'nough HOt0 to do;
Just keep an eye on your machinery, and crack
your arrangements right through.
I used for to wonder at readin', and when it was
got up, and how;
But tits most of it made by machinery-I can see it
all plain enough now.
And poetry, too, is constructed by machinery of
diff'rent designs,
Each one with guage and chopper to see to the
length of the lines:
And hear New York clairyoyant is runnin' one
sleeker than grease,
And a-rentin' her heayen-born productions at q
couple of dollars apiece;
An since the whole trade has growed easy, 'twoud
be easy enough, I've a whim,
If you was agreed, to be mAkiu' an editor outen o.
JIM"
The Editor sat in his sanctum, and looked the old
man in the eye,
Then glanced at the grinning young hopeful, and
mournfully made his reply:
SIS your son q small unbound edition of Moses and
Solomon both7
Can he compass his spirit with meeIness, and
strange natural oath7
Can he leave all his wrongs to the future and carry
his heart in his cheek7
Can he do an hours work in minute, and live on
sixpence week7
Can he courteously talk to an equal, and brow
beat an impudent Ounce.
Can he keep things in apple-pie order, and do a
Ealf dozen at once?
Can he touch all the springs of knowledge, with
quick and reliable touch,
And be sure that he knows how much to know, and
kTow how not TO know too much?
Does he know how to spur up his virtue, and put a
check-rein on his pride7
Can he carry a geHtleman's manners, within rhi-
nOceros' hide?
Can he know all, and do ALL and be all, with cheer
fulness, courage and yim3