, 1874-09-20

| RELIGIOUS HUMOR.
A Church Of England Clergyman knocked hi
! sister down aud Eat her. This is all the il.
formation that reaches us but it she had h.s
tho spirit Of 4 woman (and any pins) in her DO
som, he won't be able to sit on anything else fol
goodly period.
| Little Johnnie is dend, but before his spirit
YVES waited to tho angels lie requested that :
| watermelon vine might 10 allowed to waEder al
will over his green grave, that it might be q
warning to future generations.
Minnesota minister rho eaid TINT ths grass
hoppers were rlasue. sent to punish the Gran
gers, is coming East tofiud another pulpit. They
couldn't believe him.
This ia sad: A Louisiana minister na.s lie
won't change his shirt till this Beccher business
| is settled.
In ono Of tho scenes on shipboard in Jules
Vernc's '' floating City" occurs description Of
Sunday services i'll the cabin, tho officiating party
being" an intriguing Yankee, one Of those min
listers who exercise 40 powerful an influence over
the States OF Now England" Taxc tic follow
ing quotation q TAG minister grayely buttoncd
l;s black oyercoat, placed his silk cap " the
table, drew out his handkerchief, with which he
touched his lirs slightly, and, taking in the as
scmbty Ct glance, In the beginning said he,
God created America, @ud rcsted On the seventh
day"
In town no: hundred rniea away, where
even the children are popalarly supposed to be
wcl-yeIEcd in theological matters, = genial Pro-
feasor has q bright boy Of years, whoss only
experience in church-goiug rns where tho ser
vice was III tho Congregational form. few
Sabbaths since relative was to preach in the
Episcopal church, and the Professor permitted
the Guild to accompany him there !; all went on
dccorousIy until the rector, in his white robes,
tod ali hal
tug at his sleeve, very nearly upset the Profess
Ror's gravity BY wouacringly e1clailniug; Papa,
does Uncle Joseph sleep here 2"
''Whc1e is m7 little darling going to, if she is
good:" asked Danbury mother yesterday
morning. up to New Haven" prattlod tho
little fla1en-taired innocent pointing, up with
hor tiny indc1-tinScr.
When IN Italian youth has arrived ut the age
of IL he is told to stand up before his father and
mother, ard say whether lc would like to JOIN
the clergy OF the briSauds.
Several Jews having becore regular coatribu-
tors to Tuuch. the wass in England arc calling it
Punch aud JGdca.
Joshua made tho sun stand still for "abont 4
whole day." but President MacAlahon suspended
L Lj4iUers fer two months.
Job boiled over when Ills patience gave way.
Boys will be boys. At Alton, ILL.,. q preacher
asked all Sunday-school scholars to stand up
who intended t. visit the wicked soul-1cs:roying
circus. All but Lame girl stood up.
+sDcath is q ead thing" remarked Schemes
ta:iy woman, az she stood beside sn open grave.
s. Yes, poor thing" replied another, how ho
did like to sit down to good bled dinner where
the pork was just rsht."
South German paper reia:es tho following:
In Bavarian town Ct the most prououucal
Catholic orthodoxy, the priest preached lately
against tho Old Catholics, aad related such hor-
rble things about them that lis pous hearers
we're literally horror-at.icken at Old Catholic
impieties At last the preacher cried oat, ''The
Old Catholics vile that they will all be cas-:
into toe pit, and ii what tell you ia no. trle,
may the devil take me now on the spot!" Ills
excitement was terrible. and ho so struck tho
cushion that tile book fell from it.. Not fur from
the pulpit there cat an American. WHO had 4
negro servant with him, to whom he beckoncd to
take the book up to the priest, who had never |
seen one OF those sons Of Ham in his life- Tho |
negro at onco obeycd, and, as lie mounted the |
lowest of tile pulpit steps. tie clergyman |
and tako him IT what lie had said against |
the Old Catholics was MOI true" Although
the negro went softly, tho preacher heard
his footsteps, and, turning round, saw Z bl.ch
object solcmnly, steadily and surely approach
rS him. lie looked at him with terror. AMI. be-
ievirg that he would be thenczt instant collared
~ his Satanic Majesty, he cried out, with treul-
,iine voice. TT is, after a possible that there
nay be good people among the OLD Catholics
Turning than round to see if the object lad dis
appeared, ha it still steadily approaching.
The perspiration burst out on his brow, aud Lee
:alled out, s'Tnerc arc even many good people
.1nong the Old Cataolics:'' Thinking that this
would suffice, LIE turned round, but what was
liz horror to find that the object wa. close a.
,and! Imagining himself in the vozy grasp of
tarniug partly to the negro and part
= to the congregation. he cried out. '4 May the
lcyil come and rako me if al tho Old Catholics
Ire not better than we are." The terrified
,1icet faintcd from the fright. and it was Only
Iftcr some time that he recovered.