South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-13

"A young scapegrace threw his ball at his
sister, and hit her on the back of the head so
hard that the baWi came out Of her mouth.
REASONING 1T OUT.--Gusst: chow came this
dead fly in nay soup7 Waiter In fact. sir. I
have no positive idea how the poor thing camo
by his death. PERHAPS IT had not taken any
food for long lime, dashed upon the soup. ate
too much OF it, and thus contracted an infam-
nation OF the stomach that brought on DEATH
The fy must have had weak constitution. for
when served up the soup il was dancing merri-
~ on the surface. Perhaps-snd the idea pre.
sents itself only at this moment--it endeavored
TO swallow too large piece Of vegetable; this.
remaining fast in the throat and producing a
choking in the windppe, may have caused the
death of that bapless insect"
The following, which is suggestive TO coffee
drinkers, is from Tombstone in Connecticut,
Here lies Cut down like urripe fruit,
The wife of Deacon Amos Shute;
She died of drinking too much coffee,
Amy Dominy eighteen forty
"A keen-witted servant girl told the milkman
sat. "How do you know that ?" said tie lac
'eali''. ''Sure kin tell by the milk tina, they
drink too much water entirely ~ said the girl.
The milkman drove Off in a hurry.
Ut is a standing rule in my church." said
one clergyman to another, "for the sexton to
wake up any man that he may see asleep -
VI think, returned the other, 'that i. would be
much better for the sexton, whenever man
goes to sleep under your preaching, to wake
you up"
DADDYs BoY.-in certain small town on
the Mississippi lived a man who made horse-tra-
ding a business He bought up horses for ci-
ty-market, and was considered pretty good on a
trade One day a long, lean, queer, green-look-
ing specimen of the Western country, arrived at
the dock with boa, load of horses He iuopir-
cd for the horse-jockey.
Daddy sent me down with some horses, he
said, in halfidiotic tone
who's he p
Daddy
NV hat do YOU want for your horses ?v
Daddy said you could set your price" was
the reply.
''Let me 60 down and look at YOUR no, sea -
said Brown, and accordingly they were soon on
the boat.
Brown examined the horses, and named the
P'ice ne would give tor this one and that ard
the country pumpkin made no objections. al
though some of the offers were not more than
one-half of the real value of the animal One of
The by-standsrs gently suggested to the country
man that he was being cheated but he returned
Daddy said Brown would set the price him
sell, aud so Brown had it all his own way.
At last they came to an animal which did not
look much superior to the rest
II must have more for that anermal, he said
ID daddy says he can run some"
Run ~ esid Brown, Chat nag cant RIM
worth cent"
Daddy says so, and daddy knows"
why, I've got one up TO the stable that can
beat it all to hollow"
Guess not said the fellow Let's tr, EN-.
III bet the whole boat load of horses on him.
Brown smiled.
~ II stake five thousand dollars against your
boat load said Brown winking to the crowd.
and these men selecting two, "shall hold the
stakes"
Browns five thousand was entrusted TO one
and the other went on board the horse boat.
One of the crowd started TO demonstrate with
the poor idioiic fellow, but he only responded
"Golly dad told me he could run some. and
daddy ought to loose EN- if he was such iarnel
fool ns to tell me that, when he couldn't"
Browns sleek racer was brought down, and
Brown mounted him The countryman led out
bis animal and climbed on his back. looking as
nncouth and awkward as the horse he propoyed
10 ride
The word ives given, and they started amid
the laughter Of the crowd At frst Brown was
ahead, and il looked as though the poor fellow
was to be badly beaten, when his horse suddenly
plunged forward, and the jockey was left far be-
hind. Such going had not been seen in those
parts for long time, and poor Brown was crest
fallen, as the cheers Of the by-standers fell on
Lis ears
- j take the sponduliN, said the country
man, riding-"dad was right The anermal can
get around little"
Brown tried to say IT was a Joke, but the fell
low would have his money.
~ guess won't trade to-day. he said. q, he
put II in his old rough leather pocket.book -
81 u 90 back 70 daddy"
Ia vain Brown tried to induce him 10 trade.
bu' he pushed OF bis boat, resolutely saying
81 j 60 back and tell daddy"
How much IL Jour stick candy ~ inquired
boy Of candy dealer, on Tuesday. usit
sticks for FIVE cents" 'siI sticks for five cent,
eh Now lem me see, .iG sticks for FIVE cent,
Eve for four cents, four for three cents three for