The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-11
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

BILE.
London is famous for its fogs Paris for i
frogs Madrid for its toys, New York for its dog
Cincinnati for its hogs, San Francisco for /
grogs, Northampton for its clogs, Portland f'
its logs and all Ireland for its bogs.-Er
And Ottawa for its scoggs--fcllows who ncvt
miss meal, nor ever pay cent
The impracticables, generally known as Prob
bitionsts met in convention at Bloomington, O
Tuesday last, and nominated Major Little, OF I.
ma for state treasurer and Kew. jennie r Nll!ln
for superintendent of public instruction. W
care very little about these nominations and or
perfectly trilling that any one who is fool enoug
to support them should do sold Safe P'ts.
The Cincinnati TolksJlatt says the crusade Ia
injured many branches of business, Anon.
the coopers, hoop makers, iron workers, boz
makers, etc. many laborers have been thrown
cut of employment, owing to the diminished
consumption of beer and wine in the rUral dis
tricts.
Vermont debating society is now struggling
with the question, (which eat he most chick
Cns-ministers or owls
1t is the same oicid question, but is too one
sided; the average preacher can eat chicken
in seven languages in three minutes.
They have always been noted in Texas for their
vigorous expression The san Antonio Hea1d
saws that a gentleman who came several thou
sand miles TO see the country with the purpose
of purchasing, got large sized red ant on him
a fey dsys ago, and, stranger as he was, he ca
yorted around and used as appropriate language
as II he had lived there all his life and moved in
the best society.
The New Albany, Ind, Ledgcr prays 10 he de-
liyered from the "maudlin fools" who criticisc
a man because he puts his food into his mouth
with a knife
That editor perhaps considers himself lucky to
have food to eat even with his fingers.
The Co,rsr-Joarnal suggests that if III. Ohio
crusaders would take about three fingers Of
Bourbon before each meal they would find that
they could pray a saloon keeper into fits in hall
the time.
Four suicides have been committed in the Vi
cinlty of Dixon in the past year. so says the Id-
graph If with these we take into account the
numerous shooting and stabbing cases, and the
abortion business done in Lee county, we may
very reasonably conclude that Lee is neither the
most healthy nor moral county in the state
u
been wearing undcrshirts much too small for
him, was one day, after having been washed, put
INTO garment rs much too large AS the others
bad been too small. Our six-year-old had
shrugged his shoulders, shook himself, walked
around and finally burst out with ana, | do feel
awful lonesome in this shirt.'-Sy,dcHe JourWdR
Now is the time when you can contemplate
he gentle city granger perspiriDg profnsely be
lind the lawn mower.
~ b,,, ,,g OIL.
Welding hoe around cabbage and tomato plants.
A rural poet has done the potato bug question
husly:
Oh! the bugs, the bugs, the sweet scented
hiDgs, with their various cOOrs, without or
With wings, sticking their bills into all that they
meet, sapping the corn and killing the wheat
aking the oals and destroying the grass laying
clds bare as they over them pass; ranging and
ranging from the east TO the west on YOU
nierna annoyance, do give us rest.
The Milwaukee Sentinel man is candid, any
ow. He remarks: at is not our fault that we
re red-headed and small, and the next time one
I those oyergrown rural roostcrs in ball room
caches down for our head and suggests that {
ONE fellow has lost rose out of his button (
ole, there will be trouble"
"For Young woman to begin to pick lint Off IA )
young mans coat collar is said te De the first =,
ymptom that the young man Is in pcril.-Er. f,
Il might ha and then again it might not Per
APPS ii would he sAfpr sign that she had been q
1king tao much lemonade. q
Orange peels are discovered to be very much
Inferior T. pea pods for all practical upsetting
purposes. Yesterday We saw a lady tread on one
Il the latter The effect was rs sudden as il was ,
tupeudous. She kicked with both feet as high L
S a ballet star, gave the peculiar shrl feminine
cream, sat down, said "Oh, my" smoothcd down
Ter disordered attire, looked around wildly, rose
quickly shook herself to see if any thing was
DOSE, gave whitening glance at the place where
he had fallen, aud, with all the spare blood she
lad in her face, went on with her shopping.
New Bedford paper tells story about
shop keeper who advised a lady customer to buy
wo mohair switches instead of one, as the art-
,le was becoming scarce. He said the man
whom he had hired to hunt NOES had only
caught two within fortnight, I,
Nothing encourages the local pres, SO much as !
to see busssuws introduced. the FIRST and last
of the local cditor to the mill owner
IS Ike that of patent medicine man, "Send for
a circular n
Mention ten prominent Americans Sunday
school question propounded at Polo.
Ans-Ihe American eagle; the American In
dian; the American orator; the American luna
tic, otherwise DE Gee.; and the microscopical
wart on the Gyasticutus-th the inhnitessimal BOBBY
who sings weak slosh in the local columns Of
the Pc We.
Benjamin Franklin's autograph has reached
Michigan, and it makes one feel lonesome 10 So.
tears tinkling down the cheeks OF ancient ladies
as they gaze upon the venerable relic. written
upon paper made in 1869.
Tally one for the boy. IL is an unusual case
when school boy gets ahead Of the teacher. but
an Iowa boy is heroing il around here. The
teacher had him across her knee, playing the
snare drum on that portion Of him which was
upperinost when his face was down. lie didn't
like II, so he took mouthful out Of her leg