The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1874-09-04
A STRANGE CONVERSATION

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A STRANGE CONVERSATION.
While sitting in the cffico Of the Ma
tional Temperance Publication House
the other afternoon, waiting for friend
who was purchasing books in the store,
| was greatly astonished by the follow.
ing conversation between the agent and
his assistant. The former bad large
pile of letters, just received from all
parts Of the country, and the lady was
asserting tracts.
Agent.-Did you send the Rev, I.
Jones "Our National Cursor =.
Assistant.--No;h he writes that 1t Is
not sufficiently strong. He wishes
thousand "Cholera Conductors to die.
tribute among his congregation. He
also wants "Gin To-day for his Fab
bath School, and says he does not think
much Of /" Temperance in Sunday
Schools" but likes drunkenness aud
Christian Love" better.
Agent.-Well, let him have what he
wants, but send a "Word in Season" at
the same time.
Assist.--I find we are out Of "Sym-
patty for the Drunkard," and have
more "Liquor Sins" than we ought to
have. ...-..
Agent.--Yes, and we must get rid
Of them as soon as possible, and also
the "Efec.s Of Alcohol upon the HUI
man System" Here is letter from
| Mrs. Smith, in which she complains
that you have sent her the deacon and
his Dog" instead Of "Our Young MN.
ister," and says also that she does not
like sour Stumbling Brother"
| Assist.-She is certainly very par
ticular; she wrote for "Somsbody' Z
Son." and l must have been careless II
; sending
i Agent.-The Rev. b. Thompson
writes, II have read the 'Wife's Secret,
and, in consequence, have given one o
my deacons the Fatal Drsught, an
wish had fifty more Ready to Per
ish. " He also says that "His Per
sonal Honor" was damaged in transit
and asks for some more. ..i
Aoo;s.--Well, we have none to spar
in the office; think the "Philosoph
Of Drinking" would suit hin. h.ttar.
Agsnt.-Dr. Lurewell says that b
believes the Swine Cup and the Gal
lows" will convert more sinners in
month than he can with years preach
ing and as each Of his congregation
has Natural and Vested Rights,
he hopes they will each get "Gled'
Grip" which he thinks would do then
good.
Assist think il he would recon-
mend Temperance and the Bible" to
his church, it would be in better
state. $50. .....
Agent have written him and re
commended "Rum Fiend" for each
pew,-they would just suit his congre
cation.
Assist-Miss Sweet says she wants
the BEST Fellow in the World" and
that she will let her sister have the
Temperance Doctor" wrote her
that she should have moro "Self- Denial
but she says she likes Liberty and
Love" better, and will take "Nobody's
Advice"
Agsnt-The Hon. X. Harris says
that an Honest Doctor" has never beef
seen in that part Of the country, and
does not know anything about who
Killed the Man" He also states that
the exprsssman lost Little Lizzie" on
the road, and wants civilian and
Mary" instead.
Assist-The Rev. p. Jekins says he
found a Knocking Genius" in his pull
pit and a Blasted Tree" in each pew,
and that his people like them better
than the Cox Sermon which lie gave
them the Sunday before.
Agent-The Rev. Fiddle, DID,,
sends 1000 Freedmen OF Slaves to
put one in each cell Of the penitentiary;
he says, further, ~ have on hand 4
few Rescued Brands, which intend
hanging up in the horse cars to let
people know that my church is not
quite asleep"
Assist. Did you send Timothy Il
Teetotaler," to the poor house?
Agent-Yes; and now we will send
"Shot at the Decanter" and close for
the day. I.....I.
Now, l knew my friend the agent TO
be one of the best temperance men in
the world, and also one OF the most
energetic and successful Of Sunday
school workers. also knew the lady
assistant to be thorough going
Christian and true temperance girl, 80
you can imagine my relief when l
found that they had not gone raving
mad, but were simply filling orders for
tracts, and that the quoted words we're
the names of those ordered, and that
instead of wishing and sending all
sorts Of evil, they were helping to
spread light and knowledge on the
great question of temperance.
..fl. ~. EDWARD CARswELL.