The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-04-01
YE GENTLE REPORTER RELATETH.

The poverty of editors and newspaper
men generally, is proverbial; and it is not
the intention of your humble servant to
enter upon lengthy argument and herein
mon belief; but he merely wishes to make
this introductory remark as explanatory of
what is to follow. Knowing, then, that
editors are poor, think of what must he the
distressing penury of the unfortunate re-
porters. Plethorc purses and well filled
pockets are things known to them but in
dreams; and the - but to the story. Well,
the long and short of the matt. is simply
this: few days ago, this humble man and
inoffensive reporter, being subject to most
Of the desires aud wants of ordinary NOR
tails, unexpectedly and most unintentionally
felt the keen and sudden cravings Of APP
petite and hunger. He Immediately be-
thought him of various places whereat to
appease the violence of his emotions. He
remembered having dlned once with friend
at Hawkins's, up stairs. This was good
place; but meal here costs TWEEN. y-five
cents. Then. too, there were the various
free lunch resorts but "give ME back my
fifteen CENTS" is the popular song at these
places, and, alas the two solitary
nickels i'll his vest pocket clinked
a doleful accompaniment to these
sad reflections; while they looked
oh, so lovely, in their solitude. Happy
thought. There is place somewhere with
i'll the limits of this great city, commonly
known as Poydras Market. There are cof-
fee stands there-this accounts for their sell
ing chocolate at ten cents a cup and throw
ing in three little cakes gratis, as an induce
ment to call again. As he wended his way
to the place above mentioned, he overheard
several kind and solicitous Inquiries as to
whether that man was trying to catch the
train or had anybody run away with his
wife ;" however, he did not deem it necessary
to waste time in useless explanations. About
found him at the market To be too hasty
or to betray ones emotion is to lack dignity.
He remembered this; and mindful moreover
of the dignity which his literary position
vested in him, he approached that coffee
stand with majestic face worthy of stage
tyrant, and in a voice of solemn gravity pro-
nounced the polysyllable Chocolate" In
stanter the tempting beverage was produced
with supplement of pate .feniHetee. With
frightening rapidity the spoon made series
of nasty trips from the sugar bowl to the cup
! and back again, in a manner which would
have sent gladness to the hearts of the
.'rapid transit" agtators of New York.
The final stir was about to be
administered, when to his horror, he beheld
a sight which for a moment suspended all
| the functions of his person, both mental and
| physical There, actually thera, at three
feet off from him, stood the proprietor of
| that stand, scratching his head with spoon,
| while placid smile of satisfaction and CON-
fort played about his manly brow. Imagine
the hungry mans feelings. He relies en-
tirely upon your imagination. Words could
not express his emotion. It's nature is indie
scribabe What became of the chocolate
what became of his own spoon; what be-
came of his ten cents Ask him not; he
likes not to dwell upon the sad remembrance.
but should the eyes of the happy posse ssor
of that coffee-stand ever chance to fall upon
these lines, let him learn lesson therefro III.
Let him take little friendly advice gener
erously and disinterestedly given. Don't
scratch vOur head any mora with a cnoon
1t is not etiquette. Really, it is not. If it
were only fork, well, then there might be
some excuse, for its efficacy could be readily
understood but spoon! Why not use a
spade or dough-trough or broom han die,
or anything else; but oh! not spoon.