Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-12-30
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.
A MAIDEN sPEECH''-Yes:

| "a" GiSio LOU 1ouS udS JuSG Doon
unearthed in Wisconsin. It is SUD-
posed to have belonged to lady of the
miocene age.-Stt'aday Times.
A GRANGER being asked, in leading
hotel, II he would have some pate de
to1e gras. replied: "Grass do YOU
think I'm Nebuchadnezzar or a horse %
IHE English punsters have used up
their own language and have to mix it
freely with French. A late Joke is.
Why is it never high tide at Hayre.
Because the water is always Teou.
PATRICK says when he sees a pretty
girl stuck In the mud, she always re-
minds him of his home in the could
country" - Belle-fast - NorrSstosU,a
Herald
A MAN whose wife hung herself in his
presence, on being asked why he did
not prevent the tragedy, replied: II
cut her down three times last week, and
can't be always cutting her down"
A LITTLE boy asked lady who made
her teeth. '1My Creator" she replied,
Well, said the youngster, CDR. -
made my mas, and they beat your'n
clean out Of sight
PRACTICAL instruction in beggary"
is gwen IN London by Prof. Rosnoy.
He furnishes dogs taught to lead the
blind-twin children of unhealthy an
pearance, and other accessories of the
sort.
is YOUR husband in his conversation
and carriage consistent Christian ?'
asked clergyman of young lady who
was soon to be married. 'sIn his con-
versation he is very pious indeed, but [
never saw him in his carriage. was the
innocent reply.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher remarked:
You must recollect that all [ am tell
ing you happened one thousand eight
hundred and seventy four years ago"
"Lor, miss, how the time do slip away
was little Salie's comment.
"MY sou, said mother to her little
boy, four years old, "who above all
others will you wish to see when you
pass into the spirit world 20 "Goliah !"
| shouted the child, with Joyous anticipa-
ton, 'unless, he quickly added,
there's bigger fellow there p
A CONTEMPORARY asks, What are
the street lamps for?" The man who
doesn't know what street lamp is for is
hardly fit to sit in an editorial chair and
mould public opinion. Street lamps are
for weary young men to recline against
at midnight, when they forget the way
home.-NorrtAoa07a Herald.
"STEP IN, said boring clothier to
countryman, "the cheapest goods in
the Market" "Have you any fine
shirts?" GA splendid assortment, sir. :"
care they clean 90 "Of course, sir
clean, to be sure "Then," said the
countryman. gravely, 'you had better
put one on
ACCORDING to the Natchez Democrat,
dismissed colored grand juryman solilo-
quised: 81 don't I'm stan this bisness
Looks to me like natural for a man
what's in trouble to git his friends on de
grand jury if he kin. I reckon eff de
| old ledge himself was in tight place,
and had to go fore de grand jury, he'd
be mighty glad to have his friends on
dar.
AS train on the Saginaw road had
nearly reached the junction, the other
day, an old lady suddenly shouted out:
"Stop this keer-stoph her % A passen-
ger wanted to know what was up, and
the old woman ran up and down the
passageway and excitedly exclaimed:
"Where's the man who runs these keers?
I've left quart bottle of cold tea at
Detroit" The train didn't back up.
A HADLEY Massachusetts lady re-
Gently had number of boarders who
were employed upon mill-dam near
by. Desiring visit from friend, she
mailed her invitation, but added, TO the
inexpressible horror of her friend, who
knew nothing of her boarders, that she
would prefer her company when the
"dam men" were away. They tried to
keep the story quiet, but it would come
| out
A BAPTIST in the western part of New
York writes that the congregation wants,
if he can be had, preacher who is in
possession of Jacobs ladder, SO that
he can preach to them on Sunday and
then take his ladder and go to Heaven,
and stay through the week, and save
the church the painful duty of support
ing him. They have good church,
with all the needed appendages in
readiness.
ONE of the least fattering tributes
ever paid to rising young artist has
| been paid to Cincinnati dauber by a
western critic: "He possesses some
merit as an artist, but it is hard to say
whether it lies in landscape or marine
painting. You cannot tell his COWS
from his ships, except when they have
their tails exalted, when the absence of
spars betrays their characters. Even
then they may be mistaken for schooners
scudding under bare poles"
"A WRITER in the Caiifornion delivers
q Sunday School address, of which the
following passage is an example: .You
boys ought to be kind to your little sis
tiers. I once knew bad boy who
struck his little sister blow over the
eye. Although she didn't fade and die
in the early summer time, when the
June roses were blowing, with the sweet
words of forgiveness on her pallid lips,
she rose up and hit him over the head
with rolling pin, SO that he couldn' tgo