The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1874-01-22
A RACE UP A FLAGSTAFF,
Tall Sport In Sam Francisco.

A ssnguine and confinden inventor
presented himself a few days ago at
the Office of the Western Union Teles
graph Company, in San Francisco, and
exhibited pair of instruments, which
he claimed to be perfection itself when
applied to telegraphNpoles. These
clamps were TO entirely supersede the
fashioned, hook shaped affairs
which line repairerS were wont to use
in ascending the poles; they were 80
intelligent that they would almost climb
of themselves, and a man ornamented
with pair might climb straight to the
moon # pole long enough could be
procured. There happened to be in-
credulous individuals connected with
the office, and these offered to back DR..
Valentine against the stranger. The
challenge was accepted, and the Plaza
fixed as the place where the contest
should come of.
DR.. Valentine has long been connect
ed with the company, is spryer than a
cat, can determine the specific gravity
OF nitric acid by tasting it, and occa-
sionally for amusment, turns himself
into q Grove battery-simply swallow
ing a pint OF acid while in a trip bath,
and inserting platinum wire down his
throat. The doctor has travelled to the
top of every telegraph pole in th e. State,
and occasionally recruits his health by
a trip on foot to Healdsburg or Gilroy,
his only baggage consisting OF his iron
elm bern, buckled 10 his legs, and q
small piece OF black pomsde in his vest
pocket.
The contestants met at the Plaza
and took their positions at the foot OF
the flagstaff; the foreigner was conf
dent and the doctor supercilious. The
word was given and up the climbers
they dashed, jsbbipg their iron heels
into the wood, and rushing hand-over-
hand up the mast The stranger did
pretty we'll; but emulation lent addi~
tlonal speed to the doctors heels; he
fairly flew upward, like some aspiring
spirit in eyeglasses. After climbing
twenty-five feet, the stranger stopped
and looked upward. Away up by the
cross-trees his humiliated eyes dis.
covered two boots, Haunting coat tail,
and two brown patches on q pair oi
black pantaloons.
1t was the doctor, and there away
up on level with the chimney-pot, he
delivered one OF his celebrated comic
lectures.
The stranger came down, and so at
length, did Valentine. The stranger
explained ths. his failure was attribu-
table to the fact that his climbers had
/ been effected by the climate. That's
me-" said the doctor am the Climb
it."
But, yet, my instruments are supe-
rior," replied the stranger, " with them
lean come down a pole eighteen feet
high in four motions. =.
See here. my venerable dufler,
said Valentine, "Fve climbed more
poles than you've told lies, aud Ihars
saying q heap. l began before this
heavy moustacte Of mine commenced
vegetatipg; aud | tell you that these
climbers won't wash. II you don'i
take care, some day you will com.
down q pole in one action instead oI
four, and the patent will die with you
Come let's go aud get little sulpbaric
and sugar; I'm dry"
The stranger thinks be can adopt
his invention to climbing down well
bat be has sbou, given up the telegraph
pole brarch Of the profession.