davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28
Mark Twain on Kings"

Mark Twain recently wrote to the London
Morning Post apologizing for his apparent
neglect to provide for the attendance of some
great members of the government to give
distinction to his entertainments. He says:
Strictly speaking, did not really forget this
or underate its importance, but the truth was
L was afraid of it. | was afraid of it for the
reason that those great parsonage have so many
calls upon their time that they cannot well spare
the time to sit out an entertainment, and |
knew that if one OF them were TO leave his box
ana retire while l was lecturing it would
seriously embarrass me. | find, however, that
many people think | ought not to allow this
lack to exist longer; therefore feel compelled
to real thing which | have intended to keep
secret. l early applied to party at the East
End, who is in the same line of business as
Madame Tussand, and he agreed to lend me a
couple of kings and some nobility, and he said
that they would sit out my lecture, and not
only sit it out but that they wouldn't even leave
the place when it was done, but would just stay
where they were, perfectly infatuated, and wait
for more. SO | made bargain with him at
once, and was going to ask the newspapers to
mention in the usual column that on such and
such an evening his majesty King Henry Wiz.
would honor my entertainment with his
presence, and that on such and such an even
ing his majesty William the Conquerer would
ing Moses and Aaron would be there, and so
on. felt encouraged now an attendance
like that would make my entertainment all
that could be desired, and besides, | would not
be embarrassed by the their going away before
my lecture was over But now misfortune
came. In attempting to move Henry VIII. to
my lecture hall ;hc porter foil down stairs and
utterly smashed him all to pieces; IN the course
of moving William the ConquerOr, something
let go and all the sawdust burst out Of him, and
he collapsed and withered away to nothing be-
fore my eyes. Then We colared some dukes,
but they were so seedy and decayed that nobody
would ever have believed in their rank, and so
| gave them up, with almost broken heArs,
In my trouble had nothing in the world left
to depend on now but just Moses and Aaron,
and [ confess to you that it was all could do
to keep the tears back when | came to examine
those two images aud found that that man, in
his un-apprOchable ignorance, had been
exhibiting in Whtschapelfo for Moses and Aaron
what any educated person could see at q
glance, by the ligature, were only the Siamese
twins.
Ye see now, sir, that have done all that a
man could do to supply complained of lack,
and if l have failed | thiuk | ought to be
pittied, not blamed | wish | could get king
somewhere, jus; only for little while, and
would take good care of him. and send him
home, and pay the cab myself.
LONDON, Dec. 10. MARK TWAIN.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28
Wilkes Booths Romance.

The Washington correspondent of the Cleve-
land Leader writes: Several years ago, when
John Z. Hale was here as Senator, his
daughters were among the most admired of
all the bellies They lived in elegant style at
the National, and entertained with great deal
of vlvacity all who visited them. The youngest
was really very pretty, fresh, piquant girl
OF eighteen or so. OF course there were a
great many admirers, and among them the
actor John Wilkes Booth was the most devoted
to Miss Eighteen. You, perhaps, remember
Booths appearance, a handsome, dark, melo-
dramatic fellow, and, among a certain set here,
he was great favorite socially. At night he
played his Charles, in Schiller's Robbers,
and Miss Hale was always at the play, with
bouquet and smiles for him. In those days
who could guess the sad sequel to a romance
of love that promised bright enough? l re-
member night when the hotel was blaze of
light. The guests were giving hop for
their friends, and between the waltzes every
one was good-naturedly gossiping at the devo.
| :ion OF couple who walked up and down the
rooms, and were apparently oblivious of place
and surroundings
They were very attractive pair, he tall and
dark-eyed, she fair and sweet as an English
rose. There were some who cavilled at her
choice the father must be wild to permit such
an alliance, they said-the daughter of a
| United States Senator to marry a play actor.
But the many to whom the young girls sweet
face seemed excuse for any infatuation, looked
with indulgence at the little drama of the
old, old story | remember too we'll another
night, just the eve of two days later. We
were at Ford's old theatre Again blaze o
light and music, and a crowded house, to looE
on at Laura Ksene in the American Cousin
How many times have you heard the story o
that night. too dreadful to talk of even? The
sudden pistol shot, the uproar that followed
and in the figure that sprang from the Presi
dents box l saw the lover of two nights ago
and knew that even as he whispered in tha
young girls ear he was planning this dreadful
scene. In Wilkes Booths pocket was fount
the picture of his betrothed, and she wrote O
the assassin that she would marry him at tn
foot of the gallows. Such devotion hang
like divine fragrance about our recollection
Of this wretched, miserable man, and thoug
it cannot blot out, yet surely let it dim littl
the horror We rightly feel at his work
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

General Grant is reported to have said on
Friday last to some prominent Republicans
who called upon him at the White House: II
party TO unload. There has been to much
dead weight carried by it. The success of our
arms during the rebellion and the confidence
that the Republican party was strong enough
to hold up any burden have imposed all the
disaffection in the Gulf States on the admins
tration. | am tired of this nonsense. Let
Louisiana take care of herself as Texas will
have to do. don't want any quarrel about
Mississippi State matters to be referred to me-
This nursing of monstrosities has nearly OK
hausted the life Of the party. | am done with
them, and they will have to take care of them
selves"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

ENGLISH EMIGRATION TO THE UNITED
STATEs.-The Anglo American Times of Sep
tember l3th believes that emigration on a
large scale from England to the United States
has begun. 1t says "The English agricul-
turst has found that he may toll here to better
purpose than in his native village, and his
expatriation will steadily increase to large pro-
portions" Mr. George Grant has Just taken
a large colony to tract Of $40 square miles in
central Kansas, extending from Smoky to
Salina Valley Il. W. Eds, +. S. A., lately
president of the Agricultural Society of London,
lays out the central settlement, that is to be
called Victoria City. Scott Skirring late pre-
sident of the Edinburgh Agricultural Society,
is colonist, and Mr. Grant has sold thirty
square miles Of the land to gentlemen of dis
tinctiop-scions of whose families are to go out
by and bye. The London Working Mems
Farming Association took eight square miles
Some Of the finest English cattle have been
shipped, and Aberdeen bulls are 10 improve
Texas stock. Stone houses have been erected
at 81, 900 and under, and if further exsmina
tion affirms what has been reported, the whole
tract will be settled directly. Mr.. w. w
Clarke has gone to San Francisco in behalf o
the Union Land and Immigration Bureau o
London, with a capital Of 81 600, 900 to be in
creased to $5,000,000 His scheme IL to hav,
the disposition Of $4,000, 600 acres in all part
OF this country, placed in the hands OF tn
bureau; the bureau to sell TO the emigrant AM
superintend his removal. Thus il is seen tina
Virginia is not the only State which is now re
ceiving English immigrants. Those going int
Virginia, however, appear to do so wholly o.
individual account and not through any i'm
migration bureaus or associations.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

CANNIBALIsM IN THE WEsT-It is reported
that the Indians at Vermilion Bay, Minnesota
ninety miles north of Duluth-are in a state
of actual starvation. The failure Of the wild
rice crop and the absence Of the usual anuuities
and provisions from the government, on
account of the unfaithfulness of the govern
mont agents, has occasiOned this distress. 1t
is stated-but the statement is hardly to he
eaten some of their own kindred in their des
perate efforts to satisfy the cravings of hunger.
Whatever may be tho fact in the case, il GER
tainy is the duty of the government to insti
tute an investigation into the matter. and
where its agents are found to be at fault lei
proper remedies be applied Immediately.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

How TWO STOOLS BECAME VACANT
The crotchety temperament of Grind the re-
tail man, is we'll known, says the Cleveland
Voice The other night, after an evening
spent in the bosom OF his family, as he was
about to retire, the idea suddenly crossed his
mind that he had forgotted to shake the store
door after locking it. Grind, though crotchety,
is certainly man of action, so fifteen minutes
afterwsrd, he gave the store door a shake
that Jared the building. AS he was about to
turn homeward, voice from the stores inte-
rior sung out, Its all right, officer; won't
you have something?" Grnd's key came out
in moment, the door was noisslessly opened,
aud the proprietor crept cautiously in toward
the rear of the store. What sight met his
eyes! There on the floor, surrounding dim
burning candle, a pack of cards and a case OF
| G.'s best champagne, sat the confidential
long g-faced boOkkeeper, and his equal conf
dental and sanctmouious CASHIER with foul
hiccoughing chums. As Mr.. 6. s eyes raptur
ously drank in this scene, his ears were raw
ished by the following ditty, sung with i'm
mense applause by the bookkeeper: "Old
Grinds abed; That-hic-od file Methink,
hear him snore. Oh wouldn't l smile to
hic-him now; The mis- bic tight old bore
play't lone, Gus p Mr.. Grind stepped for
ward. There were just forty tire,
applicants, next day, for the two vscant stools
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

A QUAKER WoMAN's SERMON" My dear
friends there are three things very much
wonder at The first is, that children should
throw stones and brickbats up into fruit trees
to knock down fruit, if they would let it alone
it would fall ITSELF The second is, that men
should DO so foolish and so wicked as to go to
war and kill each other if left alone they would
die themselves. And the third and last thing
that wonder at, is that young men should be
so unwise as to 90 after the young women il
they would stay at home the young women
would come after them"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

A PUBLIC NEcEssrrY.-A justice of the
peace in Illinois, before whom a citizen had
prosecuted his daughters lover for ejecting
him from his own parlor the Sunday evening
previous, solemniy decided as follows: 1t
pears that this young teller was courtin' tho
plaintiff gal in plaintiffs parlor, and that
plaintiff intruded, and was put out by the de-
fendant. Courtin' is public necessity, aud
must not be interrupted. Therefore, the law
Of Illinois will hold that parent has no legal
right in a room where courtin is afoot, and so
the defendant is discharged, and the plaintiff
must pay costs"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28
POetrY.
IN MY DESK"

"Only some gathered flowers"
Plucked when the sun shining,
When our garden knew no showers,
Or youth knew repining;
LUX through years of those dream-spent hours
OF Hope on Love reclining.
"Ouly womsn's hair"
When sedEes brown we're blowing,
This very tresB you gave me there
Adown the river rowing;
Ihave some oil the Roldcups fair
The lilies wild were showing.
Only = wOman's heart:
Your arms were round me elinging
A l5Vs that had no counterpart
Still in my soul is ringing;
One day anew thy love shall blsem
Where the angels white are singing.
Dream OF longlost year,
or days when went MayinF,
With May-buds over us-your face ss near.
Wind with Your trssses playing;
Speak louder dearest, I can scarcely hear
Ths words you once were saying.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

The editor of the Kokomo, Indiana, Tribune,
who was robbed Of four hundred dollars in an
Indianapolis hotel not long since, attributes
the affair to an "overruing Providence, and
his forgetting to wear his nose glasses when he
bolted the door"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

At spiritual circle the other evening a
gentleman requested the medium to ask what
amusement was most popular in the spiritual
world. The reply was, Reading our own
obituary notices"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Said a seven-footer to diminutive specimen
of humanity, who approached him threaten
iDRly, "IfyOu we're to strike me, and | should
accidentally find it out, you would be sorry"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

A Western editor insists that he wrote the
word "trousscau' plain as pikestaff in con-
nectiou with certain bridal presents The prin-
ter however, vulgarly put it trousers"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

The reason boy gave for being late at
school was, that the boy in the mex, house was
going to have dressing down with q bed
cord, and he wanted to hear him howl.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

A Fort Wayne girl engaged herself to 9
young man for fun but she famed when
she found that he had procured the publica-
ton Of the engagement in a newspaper.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

In Iowa paper feelingly says of departed
citizen: "He was good man, but then he
sometimes bet on the wrong horse the same as
the rest of Us"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

An Iowa clergyman, who had a donation
party lately, has beans enough to last him
thirty years.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

A couple was recently married at Foxbo-
rough, n. H., after a twenty three years en-
gagement.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

For once fashion and the doctors agree in
prescribing thick-sOled boots for ladies'
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

1t is said that there are more than q hund-
red women studying law in the United States
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

The Roman Catholics OF Philadelphia made
the Pope a Christmas present of $25, 600
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Troubles arc like dogs; the smaller they are
the more they annoy you.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Engaging photographer" just look little
pleased, Miss Think of 'im "
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Some wicked wretch is making champagne
from petroleum.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

They still advertise for "a good girl to
cook"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Mark Twain is happy in England.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-28

Cough has been. lecturing for thirty one
years
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21

A WASHINGTON BELLE.
hans on no member of society has
the labor of q Washington season
worse effect than on a young CIR!
with attractions enough to invite
and vivacity enough to enjoy.
Her fathers position entities her
to notice, her own charms corn-
pei attraction, her circumstances
enable her 10 reciprocate every
courtesy young, handsome, rich
and Il favorite, is it wonder she
is dazzeld and intoxicated by
the vision opening TO her? She
dresses for indigestible breakfasts
1t ten. and before that Is quite
,ver he goes to fashionable luch-
ny party then a third toilette for
calls, and still a fourth for din
ner party, or German" She does
net dance on Sunday, hut the i'll
ventilated church before noon is
quito unhealthy, and then there
are little pious suppers IL the
evening, where she cruclfies her
appetite with i,rrapin and divers
II fGilCll d1ofItp. oIdhuNifJ tOtfoW
circle. around her eyes inpair the
perfect contour OF hcr facse; the
beautiful color which kindled aud
wanvd in her cheeks las gone out
altogether, and she notifies that,
even ,huugl, sha stay in bed till
twelve, she Is sot rested for, sleep
is denied her, or, mt boot, comes
fitfulIy and fevered Then. though
It's first suggestion WAS repulsive,
she begins to renew the bril!ian-
cy of her eyes with belladonna,
the hue of her checks with. paint,
to "stengtt en- herself" with cham
payne, aud woo rest with choral.
She has made no acquaintance
that avail her aught; the men Of
her set have no ambition above
German favor5, and the glver's
noblest emotion Is vanity. The
Only side Of life presented to her
is one OF dangerous exciten.cnts,
false standards, and complete emp
tiness. Physically, morally, intel
lectuaIiy, Sin is arpeu aud stunt
ed. - Washington Correspondence.
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21
Twas Once Young.

1t is an excellent thing for all, who
are engaged in giving intruction to
young people, frequently to call to mind
what they were themselves when young.
This practice is one which is most
likely to impart patience and for
bearance, and to correct unreasonable
expectations. AT one period in my life
when instructiDg two or three young
people to write, ] found them, as
thought unusually stupid. l happened,
about this time, tolook over an old copy
book written by me when / was a boy.
The thick up strokes, the crooked down
stroke, the awkward jointing of the let
tiers and the bolts in the book, made
me completely ashamed of myself, and
/ could at that moment have hurled the
book into the fire. The more, however,
/ thought of my backward school. |
was cured of my unreasonable expecta-
tions; and became in future doubly pa
tient and forbearing. In teaching youth
remember that you were once yonng !;
and in reproving youthful errors en-
deavor to call to mind your own.
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21
OUR SHEEP AND THE DOGS

Tho Charlestown Journal copie,
a lengthy OK ract from an editO-
rial which APPEARED in tls.'
Wheeling Registe' under The
above head last Fall, with u
favorable O. .nent; and in the
same connection gives the action
of the authorities in Boone coun
ty on the subject as follows:
Boone County passed al order
q the leavy term, July 1873 of her
Cart requiring the dogs to be rs
s ssed in 1871 with reference to
their being taxed thereafter. The
tx was net laid Immediately, as
il was thong tbestfirst to have the
assessors report as to the number
of dogs in the county, and the
number of sheep &c. destroyed or
injured by them. Moreover it is
prudent not run to counter to the
prejudiceS or affections of the
people. The log law must be
enforced gradually and cautiously.
The people must be educated to
its adoption.
We will look with interest to
the development and completion
of this effort of Boone county to
improve her condition.
without any disrespcct it may
be stated, and should be publicly
stated that the people living in
the midst Of the hills and valleys
of West Virginia, have fewer of
the comforts under the same
favorable circumstances. They
should be aroused from their
rude condition Of contentment
and Indifference. The Legislature
should have the nerve to pass a
universal state law taxing dogs
for the benefit of sheep
TO which the Registsr responds
with hearty "Amen."
And who would not say Amen?
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21
Big Sunday Dinners.

A Sundays dinner is made the most
sumptuous meal of the week in a great
many households, and the guests retire
from the table more like gorged anacon-
das than intellectual human beings,
with the result that during the whole
afternoon there is such an amount of
mental, physical and religious sleepiness,
if not actual stupidity, that no duties
whatever are performed with alacrity,
efficiency and aoceptableness. The
Sunday dinner made of cup
of hot tea, some bread and butter, with
a slice of cold meat, and absolutely
nothing else, would be wiser and better
for all (; it would give the servants
more leisure; the appetite would be as
completely satisfied half an hour after
wards, W lille body, brain and heart
would be 10 fitting condition to perform
theduties of the Sabbath.
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21
Hints to Nurses.

The following sensible suggestions are
from the pen Of Florence igbtngale
Conciscncss and decision are, above
all things, necessary with the sick. Let
your thoughts expressed to them be
concisely and decidedly expressed.
What doubt and hesitation there may
be in your own mind must never be
communicated to theirs, not even Il
wonld rather say especially no:) 10 lit
tie things. Let your doubt be to your
self, decision To them. People who
tliink outside their heads, the whole pro-
CESS 81 whose thought appears like Hon
ers', IN the act Of secretion. who tell
everything that led them towards this
conclusion and away from that ought
never TO be with TIE sick. IrresoIution
is what all patients mostsdread. Rather
than meet this IN Others they will coll
lect all their data, and make up their
minds for themselves. A change 81
mind IN others, whether il Is regarding
All operation or rewriting letter a.
ways injuies the patient more than The
being called upon 10 make up his mind
to tie most dreaded or difficult decision.
Further than this. IN very many cases,
the imagination IN disease /. FAR more
active aud vivid than it is III health If
you propose to the patient chan e Of air
TO one place one hour, AID t. another
the next, he has, il each case immedi-
ately constituted himself in Imagination
The tenant of the place, gone over the
Whole premises in idea, and you have
tired him as much by displacing his inn
agination, MS il you had actually carried
him over both place.
Leave the sick room quickly and
come into it quickly, not suddenly, not
with a rush But don't let the patient
be YEARLY visiting for when you will be
out Of the room or when you will be
in. C)uciseness and decision in your
movements, ~ well as your words, are
necessary in the sick room, as necessary
as absence OF hurry and hustle To
roseess yourself entirely will ensure you
from rither iailing--either lettering or
hurry ing.
II apaiient has to see, lot only to his
own but also to his nurses punctuaIity,
ar perseverance,, or readiness, or calmness,
10 any or all Of these things, he is far
better without that nurse than with her
however valuable and handy her SER
vices may otherwise be to him, and how
ger incapable he may be Of rendering
them o himself.
Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-03-21
A KEENLY-POINTED LESSON.

The story is told us OF a woman
who freely used her tongue to the
scandal at others, and made con-
fession to the priest of what she
had done. He gave her ripe
thistle top, and told her to 90
about in various directions and
scatter the seeds one by one. Won
dering at the penance she obeyed,
and then returned and told her con-
fessor. To her amazemrnt, he babe
her go back and gather the scat
tered seeds, and when she objected
that it would be impossible, he re-
piled that it would be still more
difficult to gather up and destroy
all the evil reports which she had
circulated about others. Any
thoughtless, careless child can
scatter handful of thistls seed
before the wind in moment, but
the strongest and wisest man can
not gather them again.