The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1874-04-03
4 Cooperstoscne,. on Bolts.

a CUOOPrSJCtCnSf on bOGtSs
An afflicted person in Cooperstown, New
York, writes to the PIainfeld Register the
following little piece about Job that was
put up him. 1t is funny for every one
bat him
DEAR REGIsTER-Useiess useless II
I've tried once l have dozen times to sit
down and write you regular old scalp
peeler and sky scraper Of a letter.
1t isn't that love Caesar less-I meant
it isn't that am unable to do the mental
part of the proposition beautifully, but 1t IS
that l am unable to sit down
How common the written sentence I sit
down to pen few lies-T mean lines etc.
But how much unwritten anguish may re-
suit from tho attempt
How gladly I would say it If could: It
is with pleasure, dear Register, that I sit
down to announce to you the arrival OF a
boy, etc.
But, good gods, how can I?
The thought OF sitting down makes me
boil.
The thought OF the boil prevents my sit
ting.
i
And the act Of sitting makes me leap ike
unto hurried sky-rocket.
Why, my love, l haven { sat down IN Avs
wseks-or in anything else-to stay =
am n'ost miserable, miserable man.
Along at first 1 tried to do my writing
FOR the Atlantic Monthly (sshD at my desk,
but becoming absorbed III thoughts Of those
things that are before, and forgetting those
things which are behind, ] would pull for
ward my tall desk stool and settle. Then
l would unsettle, quick.
And there would follow = prolonged and
/ dismal howl or pain, a wild tramping to and
! fro one arm waving like our banner in .hs
sky and the other holding the P2ntsloons
away Z. ON the young volcano.
So behold me now, supported under my
arms by my Revolutionary grandmother's
quilting frames which reach from piano to
mantle piece with a pair of light summer
trousers on, which are kept distended and
away from that boi: by fish hook, cord
and staple in the wall-an drawn taut.
And yet I am not happy.
Why, if L. S. Treasurer Spinner should
say to me, Here, George, sit down or this
half cord of greenbacks, and they ars
yours" should answer, ''Go way, Spin
ner ; don't uart your ducsts. am ut
hungry. 'Tenl to your own knitting,
know my business"
Ny wife says my affection ought to de-
velope any religious tendency that may lay
dormant in me. She thinks it has. In the
earlier stages of my sufferings she says sho
awoke one silent night and heard me, she
was sure, quoting Scripture and Watts
hymns.
Lord love her but I wasn't, you know.
was doing the other thing, /. G., reciting
from prcfane history-from that part
where the D-amorites poured red hot
pitch down upon the damsels who crossed
the dam just where the lordIy Tiber was
dam'd near the gates OF Hellespont.
George said she softly, some time af-
terward, George. am afraid l was mis-
taken the other night. | now believe that
your language, which / hopefully and 10y
fully thought to be the expression of con-
trits and grace-seeking soul, was swearingi
Why, oh why, dear, dost thou not think
more often of redemption and your latter
end
Thunder, madam - screamed. 'tyou
don't know what you are talking about.
Think of my Ia ter end 4! L m always think
ing of it. ] couldn't forget it If | was steep
ed in oblivion, or surrounded with cotton
bales ! Why, l was telling funny story
to a party the other day, and he comes up
20 me, and he says Old man, that was a
bully thing you ought to be a minister,
YOU ought. on could make a conpreca-
ton cry by tellin' of 'em joke and then
he slapped me on the thigh-on that thigh,
woman-on which Ann Grish and Miss Ery
hold first mortgage ! Think of redemp-
tion Why, female, did you give half the
attention to keeping the Jumps out of N 7
poultices that | do in pondering on the eff
fusions Of that cid Bible scholar, Job, who
used to soar so IN blank verse, you'd be =
better and richer wife %
Withered, she wept.
l was softened. / could not see those
tears unmoyed. What male man could
approached her as she sat rocking to and
fro in her chair.
.sDearest,'' l murmured, why those
Teeeps? Don't cry. am so.ly l said any
thing when l spoke. Too bad, too bad !
I am q brute, bear, burglar, dentist,
a dishonest thief. Forgive meme who
whole round world. Let's kiss and forget,
duc5y," and l playfuily at down on her
lap She had a bunch of keys, a drawer
knob, and smelling bottle in her pocket
[ sat down on these.
On those I sat.
On the bottle, he knob, the keys, I sat
down.
Small active boys jeer at me through
wreck.
I would not live always,
wouldn't If could -,
Bat ere ain no use or talking,
1 I