Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-07-02
PHUNNYGRAMS.

"A correspondent asks, what takes
up more room on "A sidewalk nowadays
than tashionably dressed temaleY"
Answer-A boy in new pair of boots.
A Liverpool woman, to shield her
husband who was charged with removing
the end of her nose, sworc that she bit it
oil herself
-" Cast Iron Sinks is written upon
the sign of Hartford plumber. "Well,
who (hic) said it didn'tyn chuckled an in
ebriate man after reading it over three
times.
"A Missouri husband wheeled his Grip
pied wife three miles the other day to let
her see funeral procession, "the first
she had had the pleasure of seeing for
seven years"
-" How like its father it isl" exclaimed
the nurse, on the occasion of the christen-
ing of Il baby whose father was over sew
enty and had married young wife
Very likely replied sarcastic lady;
1T hasn't n tooth in its head
A lecturer on optics, in explaining the
mechanism of the organ of vision, re-
marked: LET any man gaze closely into
his wite's eye, and he will see himself
looking so exceedingly small that
Here the lecturers voice was drowned by
shouts of laughter and applause which
greeted his scientific remark.
"A youth will call George was en-
gagged to be married, but was financially
unable to call in the minister His ani-
anced wanted the affair brought to IL
finale, but George kept putting her OIL
with promises, saying he was not able To
marry, etc, etc, Finally she said, "Deah
Gauge, | am willing to marry you if We
have to live on bread and water" "Well,
brcll!' cried George, "you furnish the
anead and I'll try and skirmish around
ohd hunt up enough water, "-lAdidRdp-
VS. Uerad.
"A Love Story" Phaircst of the
phair,' sighed the lover, "phancy my
pheclings when | phoresee the pheerful
consequences of our phlceing phrom your
phathcr's phamily. Phcw phellows could
have placed the music with so much
phortltudc rs ! have; and rs pickle
phortune phales to smile upon our love,
| phind myself phorccd to phorego the
pleasure of becoming your husband.
Phare Phranccs, phare well phorevcr.'
Hold, Phranklin, hold" screamed
Phranccs, Il will phollow you phorev-
er," But Phranklin piled, and loving
Phrances PLANTED
"A gentleman had occasion to call on
the Rev, Thomas Campbell when he was
ut Glasgow. " Is the dominic iny" he in
CURED of a porty dame who opened the
door. He's in the Yard, sooperintcndin'
Sauners, the carpenter, Ic can see him
the moo if your business is vera precise"
The gentleman walked into the yard,
where he beheld carpenter briskly
planning away to the air of Bonnie Mag
gle Lauder, and the dominic standing by.
Unwilling To intrude on their conyersa-
ton, he stepped aside, and heard; Saun-
ers, ! say! Can ye no hear me" yes,
minister, | hear ye. What's your willY"
Can We no whistle some mair solemn
and godly tune while ye're ut your
work." "A.weel minister, if it be your
| wull, I'll cen do it," Upon which he
changed the air to the Dead March in
Saul, greatly to the hindrancc of the
planning. The dominic looked on for
some minutes in silence, and then said,
"Sauners, ! haze another word to say till
we. Did the guide wife hire we by the
days darg or by the job?" "The days
darg was our agreeing, MASTER "Thcn,
on the whole, Snuners, / think yc may
just rs well gle back to whistling Bonnie
Maggie Lauder"