, 1874-09-13

| By tho Ritualistic clergymen ia so accurate tha
it may deceive even the elect themselves, an
that Americans arriving hero and seeing mel
| who look exactly like, Roman priests walking
! about with ladies on their arms, aud with fanoi
lies Of children who call them ''papa at thei
! side should not write home to say that many o
the Catholic priests in England have followe'
u; lnyson's example. 1lc.-Corfespondenst Nct
| 1orst Grdphtc.
| EUMOR.
| The Rev. Mr. Murray ia tho owner OF pointe
which lately became the mother Of twelve pupE
| It Is useless to suppress Murray, Tie is bount
! to be ahead.-Dosto4s Post.
Wicklow male ghost appeared to his widow
I'm in purgatory at this present. says hc.
AN what sort Of place is Z" SAYS she
Faix, says he, - 'ts sort OF hallway house
between you an heaven. an I stand it might,
sisy aftAer lavin' you"
Alexander Dumas Was asked wby the gallery o.
4 theatre called Paradise in France. BE
cause, replied he, "app!es are eaten there"
II the time over comes for the explanation o,
the mysteries of this world, We shall be glad te
know why tho young man who remarks OIL leav
Ing church, - | can preach better sermon thai,
that myself" is content to wesr out Ais life oyei
coun.sr at $50 month";
A Nonconforu,ist Minister in England lal a
son who Joined the Established Church, and
reached that pitch OF zeal that lie made it INIT
ter Of conscience always to direct letters 10 lis
father al g esquire, not as reverend
Any Plymouth Church man will tell you that
this scandal business has reused all the lyiu' in
Lis naturc.-Netc York Commercial
4 religious body having resolved to build a
new church, tho pastor went about begging very
zealously. accepting not ou!y tie widows, but
the child's. mite. In the school ono Sabbath,
while instructing them. hc compared himself to
Shepherd, aud then inquired what the latter
did with his flock One b-isht-cycd little follow
promptly replied, He shears them
Apcrson who represented that l,o was clergy
man presented himself ut the office Of prom
inent rcai-cstate firm in Boston ono day this
week, and asked If tho firm would give him
list OF all the farms offered for sale aud owned
By widows. The query naturally arose whether
he wanted to buy q widow or marry farm.
Two c1crgymen Of certain city, one the Rec
tor of m Episcopal Church and the other q min
lister of the Methodist persuasion, bore preclscly
tue same name. The similarity OF address led to
some unfortunate coptreteMps; letters and par
GELS addressed to one ]. q. B. went often to the
other J. c. B. On one occasion the Rector be-
came angry on opening parcel not intended for
him. and wrote L note, which he addressed to
Mr. J. {. B.. Sir: u you bad not assumed
could not h.vc occurred. Your obedient servant,
J. c. g., Rector, etc." Our Methodist friend
bided his time in silence Not long after lie, TOO,
opened parcel intended for his High Church
brother It contained considerable supply OF
manuscript sermons, on returning which tue dis
senting brother addressed the following retort
courteous to his opponent: "Reu. Sir; II you
bad not undertaken an office for which you arc
wholly uufit this accident could not llnve oc-
CURED. Your obedicnt servant. J. G, B."
LADY,, returning from an improbable visit to
3 church, declare that when she saw the shnwls
OF those Smiths, and then thought Of the things
her own glrls had to wear, il it wasn't for tho
consolation OF religion Ehe did not know wlA1
she should do"
An i>.ercsting little boy, ti,nid when lett alone
IN 3 dark room, WAS overheard recently by his
mother to say in his loneliness, !" O Lord, don't
let any one hurt me. aud I'll go to church next
Sunday, and give you Some money"
a Down-East gentleman showed considerable
af.rm tho other evening when he discovered that
his wife had loaned the family Bible. When he
returned from the house where the Billie was, he
brought with him 81, 600, which he lsd placed in
it for safe keeping.
Deacon Gaudam tlou1;shcs III Lock Haven, y.
I. When the minister wishes collection taken
lp for the little heather on "IndiaFs coral
strand" and Fays: ''' Deacon Gaudam YOU
please pass the hat, he has to lo careful how he
places his co11.lla5.
4 little Bridgeport Shaver, WHO wanted to
,e good little boy, WAS told by his mother to
oray. He said he had prayed but lie did not
;et good. He WAS told to keep on praying.
But, said lie, II don't want to be teasing Him |
III tho Time"
Some weeks ago very good joke ran I
through the American papers that Bayard Tay-
or, who had been writing letters from Egypt to |
he Tribune, had discovered all tile love-letters |
hat passed between Joseph and potiphar's !
sife, and that they put quite new phase on |
he current story, ''It must be rcnembercd,' t
aid the paragrapbist, ''that Mrs. Potipher's |
erElon Of the occurrence has mover yet been
old The learned academy, OF London, ls too |
hlck-hea.ed TO see that joke Was intended, |
onfasion with An Egyptian novel lately trans
atcd by Dr.. Rcnca. and fears the enterprisins
dttors Of the american papers will be disar,-
oiuted." We opne they will not be dissppoint~
d, but tho academy has been ''sold. .'-1nde-
eat:ent.
mcek-faced, hunble-looking individual. in
tempting to traverse q lit Of banana peel this |
1orning, Rat down violently on the sidewalk,
nd merely remarked: ''Grace, mercy, and peace"
Mrs. Battles. ea7s 31az Alclcr, suffers from
old feet, and t}.e other night che warmed up Il
rick, intending to taEo it to bed with her. She ]
lid it down by the bedside while she attended
, the baby, and then forgot about it and turned ]
,om. and when he had assumed his night-shirt
O began to say his prayers. When he was about
ali way through he happened to move hs knee
little to tue left, and it came in contact with
,e brick. For an instant he thought that some
ling had stung him, and, jumping mp, he
Lme back to ascertain what it Was. Ue saw
10 brick lying there, but it never occur1 ed to
IN thst that WAS the cauEc Of tho trouble, SO he
cked It up for the purpose Of throwing it ont
tho window. Then be suddenly dropped it |
lth 0 cry OF pain. and, after IN indignant de-
lncfation Of Mrs. Battles, he procured piece
paper, and in furious rage hurled the brick |
rough the window -sasll. It hit policeman !
10 happened to be standing on the pavement
low, aud III less than ten minutes Battles Was |
his way to the station-house, Ehere he was /
cked up all night on 8 charge Of assault and |
ttery. He was released in tho morning aflar
ying $50 fine. uo has not finished his prayers
t. and i1rs, Battles now warns her feet with a i
nnol petticoat.> .:3 ,
A Kentucky church has sent two lady mission
les to tho Fejee Islands. This il very congid- ,
ate. No doubt the cannibals will prefer this s
IT to the tough old gentlemen who are usually
rust upon tLas MARKET. G
They must have singular religious taste |
wn East. Mr. King. OF the -1idi,1e, protests S
ainst the style OF Sunday school hymus In usc. (
1 quotes as sample:
Eogs- Boot or shoe, ii.
Od new.
Let lis keep thtu clean and nest;
Let pray