The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1874-07-03

asthma, and had not had beau since
she was sixteen, then this claim would
he urged with the greatest energy. lie
drew an imaginary picture Of the wa
this thing works, which was repeatedly
interrupted by the laughter Of his audi.
encc.
DeacoH Portly is q stout, rcd.faced,
wind.broken man, without education, in.
tellect, refinement, social standing, or
even wealth. lie has a daughter of
twenty eight summers, named Margaret
| -playfully called Maggie. She is built
like her father is brune.te. aud weighs
1870 pounds has false teeth, warts on
her hand and is crosseycd. Her mind
is feeble, her manners awkward and her
toilet decidedly dowdy. Deacon Portly's
pastor, Rev. Mr. Brightly, is finely cd
ucated young man Of twenty-five, Of
poor but wealthy parents tlaughter] pos
sessing native refinement, modesty, and
many sterling qualities. He also is a
brunette Mr.. Brightly, unknown to
Deacon Portly, is building all his hopes
of early happiness on his expected union
with a wealthy and beautiful blonde,
living 800 miles away; but the deacon
designs better things for Mr. Brightly.
One Sunday morning the pastor had
preached sermon so superlatively fine
that the doubts which had been troubling
Deacon Portley's mind have been all dis
sipated, and he fairly makes up his mind
that Mr.. Brightly is good enough for hi-
Maggie. He takes occasion to walk
home with Mr.. Brightly, and having got
him into a sequestered street, says to
him, with affected Indifference: Broth.
er Brightly, there is only one thing you
need now-only one thing" "What is
that" "a wife, sir, a good, industrious
wife" "Oh," says the pastor, 81 will
fix that some day" This excites the
deacon's surprise, and he betrays more
interest. BE careful about it f; it will
either make or break you" Well, this
excitcs Mr.. Brightly's suspicious; he is
silent so the deacon has to speak again.
MY Maggie is a great GIRL says the
shameless man "Goodness knows what
we should do without her-,he is the
mainstay of our house"
The CHASTITY idea is now wildly placed
before Mr.. brightly's mind-old Portly
wants him to marry his scrub of a
daughter! The truth is, all through the
conversation Mr.. Brightly's mind has
been with Blanche; visions Of her COM
pact pyramid of golden hair, her glow
ing cheek, her soft. blue eye and still,
small voice, her exquisite beauty and
queenly bearing-even the remembrance
of the delicate perfume of her handker
chief-was difi'using a sort of opium
dream through his soul, when this man
Portly began to intimate that not Blanche,
/ but his own ignorant, obese, unkept
Maggie should be his mate. Mr.. Bright
~ is not merely Indignant, but sickened
and disgusted at the contrast; so. when
Deacon Portly SAYS he doesn't know
what he will do without her, he fervent-
ly replies; My advise to you, deacon,
is to hold on to her Laughter.
The deacon, thunderstruck to think
any pastor should refuse to marry his
daughter, stands at the street corner pale
and breathless, saying to himself, "Good
gracious, is il possible. But won't !
make him pay for it?" 1t need hardly
be added that on the next Sabbath Dea-
con Portly discovers IA most damnable
heresy in his pastors sermon; in week
more he has caught his pastor in lie;
in another week he accuses his pastor of
uttering obscenity; and in another week
he can convict his pastor on four separate
charges, too bad TO bring forward except
by insinuation.
AT last be hears that Mr.. Brightly is
about to take a journey to bring home
the blonde. "Not if know myself" says
the deacon. A deacons meeting is call
ed Deacon Porlly brings forward his
charges accuses Mr.. Brightly of having
grossly insulted his daughter Maggie;
and the deacons request Mr.. Brightly to
resign. As prudent man he resigns
the marriage is postponed; and Deacon
Portley is happy.
lie was inclined to think that the very
sound of the word "deacon was express
siye Of his character. When any one
SAYS, SEQ TO the dickens, was it not oh
vious that the original expression was
$50 TO the Deaconsy' Laughter.
The Greek for deacon was diaconos the
Greek for devil was diaboIos; it was evi-
dent that originally the same word ap-
piled to both, and that deacon was only
another word for devil. Ii any one
thought this idea too bold, he had only
to hide his emacia,ed figure behind the
rotund form of Mr.. spurgeon, who once
perpetrated this conundrum: "What is
the difference between a deacon and the
devily' The answer was, If you re-
sist the devil, he will flee from you but
if you resist deacon, will fly at you"
In nine cases out Of ten minister was
found fault with. not for his failure, but
for his success. After revivals, removals
were sure to come. First came sights,
then suspicious hints, then complaints,