The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-05-22
VOLUME 2.
A Steam Jaekass-The Nest Wonder
full Invention Of the Age.

A man living near Nashville, WASH
ington county, Illinois, has invented an
apparatus to take the place of whistles
for railroad signals. steamboats,. hre
aIarms, factory calls and the like he
calls it the '.Telophon," but the popular
name is the ''Steam Jackass." The in
ventor il stock farmer, and he devot-
ed much of his time to raising mules,
whose habits and anatomy he appears to
have studied carefully.
On his farm there was mule If more
than ordinary vocal power, whose voice
could be heard at a distance of four
miles in every direction, when he once
got warmed up to his work.
The owner computed that if he could
set in motion all the air in circle Of
eight miles in diameter, or twenty live
miles in circumference, or an area of fif-
ty square miles, or thirty-two thousand
acres, hundred horsepower jaekass
could, all other things being equal, rival
any noise yet discovered.
He established the fact that the power
of an ordinary ass is about one-twelfth
of an indicated horsepower. steam
engine of 1000 horsepower would,
therefore, be equal to the power of 12,-
COO asses. Therefore, if one ass could
fill circle of eight miles in diameter,
L, 900 jackasses or one 900 horsepower
iackass would fill circle of 5000 miles
in diameter.
Filled with this idea, he put the mule
to death, and carefully severed the head
from the body. He then injected solu-
tions of chloride of zinc and arsenic in
to the veins and arteries of the head and
neck, to prevent decay of the flesh.
India-rubber was dissolved in sulphuric
ether, and the solution forced through
the trachea, or wind-Pipe, and through
the larynx, or throat. The ether evap-
GRATED, leaving a film of rubber on the
membranes, and the injection and evap-
Grafton were continued until the upper
film was found of sufficient thickness.
These organs were then subjected to 8
vapor of sulphur, heated to three hun
dred degrees, by which process the rub
ber was vulcanized, its elasticity in
creased. and the membranes rendered
impervious to steam. These prepara
tions completed, short piece of rubber
hose was attached to the wind d-pipe,. ,.anC
connected with steam boiler.
As the steam was turned on, it passed
into the wind-pipe, expelling the air
and producing a sigh, followed by I
groan, snort, q chuckle, then violent
coughing and sneezing. As full hea'
of steam was turned on, the mos
frightful gufaw, the most vociferou
bray that eyer assailed mortal ears, wa
produced.
The lips contracted, disclosing ter
T rible array of teeth; the features devel
oped a satanic grin; the jaws rose an
; fell, "a the steam crowded the passage
and the ears participated in the genera
movement, giving to the head of the as
an animated and excited appearance.
= The man who was holdidg the hea
gazed upon it a moment with dilate
eyes. colorless cheeks, knocking knee
f and protruding tongue; then, suddeni
> losing all interest in the performance
| he emigrated.
: As for the inventor, his success eS
r ceeded his most sanguine anticipation
For an instant he contemplated the hea'
+ his countenance working with ever
n manifestation of intense delight; the
: he, too, started probably to learn ii
% greatest distance to which that voi'
q would penetrate, leaving it still in ope
. alton, with all steam on.
4" The head had now got fully warmt
n to the work, and that bray went hurlir
3, through the universe. 1t was an acou
p tic earthquake; sky-shake, it was
n storm, hurricane of sound, a tornad
a cyclone of noise, it was donkey ca
nival, a jackass Fourth of July. 1t W
h the greatest success the world has ev