The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-12-04
6TRANHE MATCRES.


It is an historical fact that Frederick
of Prussia formed the idea of compel
ling unions between the tallest of the
two sexes in his dominions, in the hope
OF having an army of giants. The
reader will, in all probability, recollect
the following ludicrous incident. It
SO happened that, during rather long
ride, the King passed particularly tall
young woman, an utter stranger. He
alighted from his horse, and insisted
upon her delivering letter to the COM
manding officer of his crack regiment.
| The letter contained the mandate that
the bearer was instantly to be married
to the ta1lest unmarried man in the
service. The young woman was some
what terrified, and, not understanding
| the transaction, gave an old woman the
letter, which was conveyed to the COM
manding officer, and this old woman
was, in short time, married to the
handsomest and finest man in the crack
regiment. It is not necessary to say
that the marriage was an unhappy one
particularly SO to the old woman.
In this connection comes another anec-
dote. A rich saddler directed in his
will that his only child, daughter,
should be deprived of the whole of the
fortune unless she married saddler.
A young Earl, in order to win the
bride, actually served an apprentice
/ ship of seven years to a saddler, and
afterward bound himself to the rich
saddler's daughter for life. But the
union was anything but a happy one !;
the bride, neither by birth nor breed
ing a lady, reflected little credit on her
bridegroom's choice; and repeated
quarreIs were followed by separation.
| So it is with all unequal matches; gold
and brass won't unite. Novels tell us
the felicity following the union of Lord
Fitzgerald to Mary Ann Jones, quite
ignoring Mary AIMS predisposition to
red knuckles and unshapely feet, which
peculiarities finally make my lords life
burdensome. Novels are amusing, but
not to be relied on in =" matters of the
&c Young folks, marry within the bound
ary of your social and religious circle. -
a FAITHFUL DOG.
Metcalf's grocery store in our place
has been closed for week or SO. Met
calf was perfectly willing to have il
open, but circumstances rendered ii
necessary for him to suspend business
for a while. There had been a good
many burglaries, and Metcalf bought a
dog to keep in his store at night. The
man that sold the dog said that its one
strong popularity was vigilance. That
dog would watch that store closer than
the Genius of Liberty watches the des-
tinies of America. So the man turned
the dog loose in the store, and Metcali
locked up and went home. When he
came down in the morning the dog few
at him as soon as he opened the door,
i and attempted to breakfast on Mr.. Met
calf's legs; whereupon Mr.. Metcalf sud
denly shut the door and sat down tc
think. Then he went after the man
who sold the dog, but he had gone oui
of town to see his aunt, and wouldn'i
be back for month. Metcalf then un.
crack of the door, but the animal still
manifested resolute determination te
q chew Metcalfs legs, and so Metcalt
closed the door again and began to wisI
he had bought dog less attentive te
business. Then he procured double
barreled gun, and spent the remainder
of the week shooting slugs and bullets
down the chimney, and through the
doors and windows, and up through the
cellar ceiling, and still the dog he16
out, until finally Metcalf got section
of wire fence, placed it across the door
way, opened the door, and banged the
obnoxious animal into eternity. Ther
he entered and found that he had sho
holes through the molasses cans ant
the coal-oi1 barrels, and had blown al
the chinaware to atoms SO that tn,
store looked as if fifteen-inch shell
= had burst in it. Metcalf cleaned III
and resumed but he is anxiously await
ing that mans return from his visit t,
his aunt's. He wants to see him abou
something. g.-Daaaba1ry NeaOs.
!, TIE DISEASE CALLED EXCITEMENT
Man does not need that which he call
excitement. What a healthy mind mos
Graves is placidity to do its work il
,, perfect calm, without any stimulus ex
| cept that afforded by perfect bodil,
,, health. Mind and body healthy, eacl
!, will give all the stimulus the other need
. without resort to artificial means. Men
tai dissipation and physical debaucher
are alike disastrous in their effects
alike breed fierce appetite for more
an appetite that will not be appease
except by deeper and deeper draught
which finally ruin body, mind, an
soul. Unfortunately. this appetite i
; fostered by our theatrical performances
!, novels of the day, and social gossip, S
that religion ESQ terribly assailed b
: scandal just now, legislative enact
ments, social philosophical seer
n0warInSc 70 n o,,-o ~