The Holt County sentinel., 1874-04-24
From the St. Louis Globe.
Suicide.
A Professor In the Art Sets Up an
Establishment for the AccOmmo-
dalton Of His Patrons.
Remarkable Prospectus of
Orlando y. SChoh0rte,
". d., tss SDhtch He
"Details Hts N'epD
Venture.

With pleasure the undersigned an
nounces to his friends that he is about
to perfect arrangements for the accom-
mediation and speedy relief of ladies
and gentlemen contemplating suicide.
For many years he has had the matter
under consideration, and after careful
study he developed q plan. which, he
respectfully submits. will destroy
many of the terrors that now attend
self-destruction, and will offer increas-
cd inducements to those who have
grown weary ofthe ills of life. Ho has
secured the refusal of the old Mer-
chants Exchange, which, as soon as he
can obtain possession, he will flt up
with every convenience for the short
ening OF life, and he pledges himself to
devote his whole time and attention to
the comfort of his patrons.
The building will be divided into
apartments for those who desire secre-
cy, and for which small extra remu.
neration will be required. The ex-
change room will be left rs It is, for
those whose troubles have blinded
them to care for the presence of spec
tators. Every appliance will be pro-
vided. A large tank will occupy the
center of the room, supplied daily with
fresh, filtered water, warmed to tenn
pcrature to suit the condition of the
atmosphere. Besides this, there will
be private wells for customers whose
physical state or mental condition will
notl allow them to stand the tempera-
turc of the public tank. Arranged
around the tank will be slipping
boards; that is, boards inclined tow
ards the water, the lower end covered
with soft-soap, so that the customer
may walk along In meditation upon
his or her wrongs, until he or she
strikes the soft-soap when his or her
legs will suddenly fly up, and he or she
will slide into eternity without an
effort. The private tanks will work
upon plan designed by the subscri-
Der. The customer viii lie full length
In bath, and ether will be admins
tered until Inconsistencies Is superin-
duced. The bottom of the tub will
then fall out, that OF the customers
existence following its example. For
those who shrink from drowning,
close apartments will be provided, fur
nished with pipe, through which
chal coal gas will be forced by machln-
cry located in the cellar.
The public room will be fitted up
with gibbets. gutllotines and garrotes
for those who desire neck passage.
These instruments will be entirely
new and fitted up with all the i'm
provements ingenuity can suggest.
As these will be made, the customer
will find no Inconvenience, no difficulty |
whatever, and, thing upon which the |
undersigned prides himself, without |
the vast of n moments time. Around |
the walls slabs will be fixed, and above |
each slab gun-iack, pistol-case,
swords, daggers and knives. Thus |
the customer can select his or her |
weapon, and lying down upon the slab |
(Which will be warmed from furnaces |
below, seek that bourne from which |
no traveller has returned, up to date. |
Customers are requested not to fool |
with the firearms, as they are hair |
triggers, and those who do not mean |
business will not be allowed to handle |
them, In the southeastern corner of |
the room will be the laboratory, where
at the finest poisons can be secured at
a slight advance upon the market
rates. The poison will always be fresh
and efiicacious.
For those who, in abandoning the
sorrows and cal es of the world, wish to
leave no trace of their having ever
existed, the undersigned has invented
n method which he is assured will give
satisfaction. II Is a capsule filled with
nitro-glycerine. This Is swallowed by
the customer, who Is first placed in
sheet-lron plated room. The thick
ness of the walls OF the capsule insur-
es its reaching the digestive organs
before dissolving, when, the glycerine
coming In contact with the bones of
the pelvis, the customer puts his or her
angel plumagc on, as the sex may de-
mand. This will be found an excel
lent device, and one which, II attend
ed with the patronage the undersigned
confidently anticipates, will work a
revolution in the modes of suicide.
Below the main room will be large
room divided into two apartments,
into one of which the bodies will be
lowered through the traps under the
scafford and the slabs. Here also in
quest will be held by the Coroner, who
will visit the establishment four times
a day. The second room will be fitted
up for funerals, and will be tastefully
decorated in colors Indicative OF the
widest grieir. An undertaken will be
attached to the establishment, and the
undersigned would recommend him rs
man thoroughly In earnest In his
business, which he carries on upon a
schedule of rates as low as consistent
with the melancholy nature Of his ar
duous tasks.
| The undersigned would also suggest
to his friends, that he has purchased a
large tract of land southwest of Caron.
delet, which he will soon have in
readiness for the sad ceremony of
returning the dust of loved ones to the
dust from which we all came. The
lots will be placed at tho lowest
figures. and graves will be within the
reach Of all. .......
In conclusion, the undersigned
would like to thank the public for the
favors extended to him during his
career as n practicing physician, and
hopes, In his new venture, TO retain
| their confidence.
wFemales attended by ladies. =
wFor catalogue of price, address.
| ORLANDO p. SCHoHARIE, M. d.,
| Professor of Suicide ST Inuis Mo