Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-04-13

Only Philadelphia has Temperance
doughnut parties"
The temperance movement has about
taken the spirit out of men.
Congress has just voted some more
currency. 1t having taken all there
was, no other course seemed to be left.
Brick Pomeroy.
The railroad across the chain of the
Andes. in South America, runs several
miles above the clouds. Freights are
.cOrrespOndingly high.
At Jackson, Mo-, is paper called the
Cash Book. Suggestive name, but what
an editor wants of a cash book Is con-
undrum.
At Council Bluffs, Iowa, the fever and
ague is so affectionate that new conner
shrinks from $50 to 64 pounds in five
weeks-shakes himself right away.
A Chicago chap advertises for "steady
girls to help on pantaloons.' A fellow
who can't help on his own pantaloons
ought to be ashamed to advertise it.
A southern paper pertinently heads
its marriage column ..hari-kari," and
asks the prayers of all good Christians
for the unfortunates.
They were going to put a man out Of
a San Francisco theatre for creating a
disturbance, when voice cried :-"He's
all right, he's killed Chinaman - and
they let him alone.
An English judge, Baron Anderson. OF
being asked to give an opinion as to the
proper length Of a sermon, replied
twenty minutes, with leaning to the
side of Justice
The wretch who edits the Mt. Carme
Illinois, Democrat says, ..the silk vests
worn by the ladies are very pretty anC
| efectire." Now what does he mean b,
that ?
Said great Congregational preacher,
To hen: Your beautiful creature"
The hen just for that,
Laid two eggs n-his hat
And thus did the Hen-re-ward Beechel
Said Milwaukee orator, $50 bac
with me, 1900 years. Spinks says h
is too busy to go himself, but think
that his mother in,law would be delight
ed.
What is more exhilerating sig hit ask
a Vermont paper, than to see eightee
handsome girls sliding down hill on a
ox-sled? Nineteen. says the exp'
rienced editor of the Boston Post.
The Chicago Post thus pleasantly il
PRODUCES an Eastern lecturer to the GOO
graces of its readers "Eli Perkin
the gread American Fraud, gives h
filst lecture in Kingsbury Hall this ev
ming"
. Chicago had better look out for
young man from Portland, who
now living within her gates He hi
,, written home to friend that he wou
: rather be lamp post in Portland thu
to be Mayor of Chicago. 81 @
A ST Johns lady who had been ma
. ried some years. and who has not be,
| blessed with any offspring as yet. recen
ly bought to hang up in her room one
the Illuminated notices: Suffer lit
: : children to come unto me
: Don't tell child you will do an
, thing for it unless you intend to ke
your promise. A strict observance
9 this rule may save you the agony, of Sc
ing your child become liar. If y
say, ''I'll skin you alive" 90 al
(. skin it though it brings tears to 20
: eyes.
At colored debating club at Sou
Bend, Ind, at their last meeting, deb;
[ ed the question, "Who done the. nj
; to liberate the slaves, Abraham Lincc
or Jefferson Davis % The Confeders
president was awarded the palm, his p;
tizans arguing that if it hadn't been |
Jeff. Davis, Mr.. Lincoln couldn't ha
issued any emancipation proclamati
at all.
= There was something pathetic in |
: position of the German florist, who,
> the, bitterness of his heart, exclaime
II have SO much drouble nit de lad
ven dey come to buy mine rose {
wants, him hardy, dey wants doubtless
wants him fragrant, dey wants him n
COLOUR, .dey wants him aberyding in
: rose. | hopes am not vat you C;
-, one uncallant man, but have sometir
~ to say to dat ladies, Madame, / ne
often see ladies dat vas beautiful, &
vas rich, dat vas good temper, dat
:. :. youngs, dat vas clever. dat vas per-