, 1874-05-03
HUM0R.

| Two heads arc better than ono, especially in .
| barrel.
| TELLING an unveracity," is new and ole
CANT phrase.
Il Georgia editor was bitten BY 8 dog, "be
| Ing evidently mistaken for bone"
| The BROOKLYN argus is Of opinion that .
kind word will ALWAYS 20 further than f1At-iron
| "A New York dentist gives premium chrome
for every tooth he draws
! "A Western paper announces the death OF I
lady celebrated FOR the 'purity Of her characte,
aud complexion"
ON week days you buy your music by thu
sheet. On Sundays you can have it BY the
choir.
%, bother cremation! We have to earn ou1
liviug-and we don't want to be compelled to uru
| our dead.
Tho Danbnry Ne,os man says: "There is
nothing that will change man 90 much as great
grief, unless it is shaving of his mustache-"
-1nscriptiou on = tombstone in Columbia,
Tenn: Escaped the bullets Of the enemy to
be assassinated by cowardlV pup-a kind hus-
band. an af1ectionate father"
-Twenty-ono freshmen were lately suspended
from an English college because professor
couldn't find out who placed q ten ounce tack in
bis chair. He, however; kne" all about who Sat
down on it.
"A gentleman In Pottsyil1e has named his dog
penny" because 1t Was one cent to him, and
has had ten mills with the cat.
"A Wisconsin man couldn't find the word
he wanted in the dictionary, because there WAS
no index.
-Preceptor- Now, can any Of you tell mo
anything remarkable in the life Of Moses ?"
Boy Yes, sir. He was the only man who
broke all tho commandments st once Punch
When the new idea is adopted, the obaequles
Of sristocratic individuals will be creme-de-1a-
cremo-ation ceremonies, won't they7
1t would only be = slight mlspronunciation
to call cremation the ''bourne whence no travel
or returns"
"A gentleman WAS complimentipg pretty
young lady in the presence Of his wilo. "It's
lucky I did not meet Miss Hopkins before
married you, my dear" '.Wel yes. it is ex-
tremely-for her" vas the dry rejoinder.
The quickest way ne know Of to make . man
believe that theres nothing in the world worth
across yard where two or three clothes-lines are
innocently swaying in the evening breeze,
AN Iowa boy was 1ately overheard address,
ing his paternal in this ihal style: "You JUS
lem me- lone. yeow ole cuss, or I'll climb yeos',
will"
a mans eentence because the fellow hit him on
the pate With u quid OF tobacco and called him
"old horse" It does seen as ii the word :" free
dom " had no business in the country.-DetroI
Free Press.
"A contemporary mentions that near-sighted
hen which mistook sawduBt for 1ndian meal, ate
heartily thereof. then laid nest full OF wood en-
knobs and in three weeks hatched out set OF
par1or-furniture.
Tho N,.hon Ha,oaii, Of Honolulu, SAYS:
"One Of olr legislators was very much put out
on account OF the riot. He Was put out OF q
two-Htory window"
a Georgia negro who bet SO that Gen.
Washington commanded the Federals at Bull
Run handed the money over, with the remark:
"Well, dis yese hist'ry business is al mixed up.
anyway"
The man who held ticket No. IS. los in the
Louisville lottery lit was No. IS, 104 that drew
the capital prize) has been wandering about
distractedly ever since, whistling " Thou art so
near, aud vet 30 far"
AN old lady with large family, living near
fear that some OF her children would be drowned.
" Oh. nc" she replied, i've have only lost three
or four in that way"
An exchange under the head OF j" An hour
with our business nsu," describes two saloons,
aud ends the items with the remark. '' This COM
pletes the round Of the business houses on the
public equare.'
People who propose to explore Africa, ought
to know that it takes whole month to dry
dead explorer 80 that be can be shipped home.
-Charlrari has cartoon BY Cham in which
French peasant. welcoming Deputy back to
rural surroundings. SAW. with hilarious malice:
''Again in recess. Why, you represent the
Assembly oftenee in the department than the
department in the Assembly"
"A email boy got another boy, somewhat
smaller than himself, down on the ground yes
terday aud got bold OF both his ears. p1acing bis
knee IN the small of the boy's back, and asked
him in very persuasive manner il be would
give him that white alley OF his'o? The boy re-
piled IN the affirmative. How easy it ia to settle
things when one goes about it the right way!-
Te77.e HdMe Erpress-
a couple recently applied to New Jersey
Justice to be married. On cntechising the lady
the Justice learned that she had husband liv-
ing, and had never been divorced from him. The
young man thereupon declared that the obstacle
uas insurmountable, aud the ceremony could
not take place. If that is Ill the trouble, said
the would be bride. 'Il just take my little pis-
tol and shoot that nssty husband Of miue On the |