The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-03-14
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Nv who penetrated into southern Ctah, anu se
ing building full of children entered III SUI
posing it to be school, chatted pleasantly VII
the school marms and made pious little sPeeche
to the children until after six O'CLOCK "hc
turning to one of the ladies, he said;
"Madam. YOU keep school very late mere.
The lady laughed, and told him ne was gun
mistaken-the children all belonged TO one IAN
Iv and the other ladies, with herself, were iholn
crs. not teachers. But said george, you sa
family Do they I have hut bnt one father
wall said George is there any more sucn lalll
1;ns In mis- neiphborhood? On, yes; there are
several families in this town as IaI Do otls
Then, said the Rev. George washington, "nea
lived in California, was 9'auhs,' n,, "It
l1srd TO make branding irons, and person ouS y,
70 do nretty well at that business in TINS place
The Worcester Press has added juvenile
Department as one of lis attractive features
from which we transfer, for the beneht oil oui
Younger readers, the following instructive little
story:
Little bows. always be punctual. There once
was President who was once little BOY, 100
He learned many things when he was in school
but he did not learn to be punctuai. Alter nc g
had crown TO be a man and had been elected
President of this great and glorious country, one
dav he had A duty to perform; but his habits ol
delay still clung to him, and he kept putting OH
that duty for eight days. And during the tiihe
he was delaying to sign the salary repeal act
the conrressmen were drawing an extra SIZE
ner day which in the aggregate amounted to
$4,000 The price OF eight days delay. Always
be punctual.
A Bloomington man being asked how it was
that his beard retained its natural color WINE
the hair Of his head was grey, replied Sensibly
enough. "because his beard was twenty years
younger"
The question, "Does water intoXcatc" now
worries Brownstown, Indiana, the argument be
inc based on the fact Of less drunkenness among
the residents when four saloons were in full
blast, than now with none.
The Springfield Register states The case OF "
youth of fourteen summers Of that city who was
in the habit Of slipping away from home eve
nings and putting in his time in geAIal company
down town. Last week he attended hop. He
and his father constituted the party. His father
played and the boy did the hopping.
Observes genial country editor: ave ac-
knowledge our Indebtedness to Messrs. Ford
ham for dish OF soup. We marked it inside
matter and gave it an early insertion. Our
contributors can always send such articles with
out fear of their being crowded out or laid over
until next week"
\ Rock Island commercial traveller got his
cheek damaged in a railroad accident over in
Iowa, and had to quit work. No commercial
traveller can do business while his cheek is out
OF order.
We find the following touching verse in the
aignined Baltimore Amerjcan:
The train that brought his wife came down,
And then went sweeping on,
But, woe to him, his wife had brought
His mother.in-law along.
He lived, for life may well be borne
Ere sorrow break its chain,
But tins last streak just settled him
He never smiled again.
The public printer in Washington printed TO-,
900 sheets Of paper with February spelled " Feb
uary" on them, and they went to the waste has
kct man who can't spell such short month
az that ought to be ducked.
A newly married lady at Haddeniield, Nd, was
somewhat surprised to find that her husband
kept jug in his closet and so, just for fun, she
hid toy snake in his boots one night. The re-
suit Of the Joke was somewhat peculiar. The
husband, discovering the reptile, first took a
critical look Mt himself in mirror, and then,
going to the closet, seized his demijohn and
threw it far out into neighborng pond.
The Inter- Ocean, in response to inquiries as to
the meaning of its name, defines iHter-occaH to
mean "lying between the seas" If that's what
It means, nobody will be disposed to dispute its
aptness as a name for the paper in question, or
or half Il dozen of the leading Chicago papers,
for that matter
An Indiana cotemporary remarks, in view OF
,hc anti.temperance movement in that state:
When the brave women Of the Mississippi Val
cy sing hymns all of cold winters night be
ore village bar-rooms in order to scotch the
make IN the glass, and then throw calcium lights
lpon men who wander toward the prescribed
places of drinking, it is safe to believe that men
Mil attend lodges less frequently than usual.
The busted Ohio saloon keepers are taking
their revenge on the prayer movement, by call
ing it the "whiskyzoootic"
Carrier, Of the Strcator Free Press has found a
ladys belt and wants the owner to call at his
office and get it. No you don't Mr.. Free Press
Ia Suite Press.
Suppose you had worked all night with
slcdge and chisel TO get into Vicksburc safe,
and then found nothing but ten cent shinplas-
ter, how would you feely asks an indignant Mis-
sissppi editor.
Back hair has its uses. A Boston lady fell
down an entire flight Of stars the other day,
striking on her head on cement floor, but
thanks 10 her thick braid of hair, came off I'M
harmed.
\ Ho!iander recently paid $4,000 for "a divorce
without publicity" in Milwaukee, only to dis
cover when too late that his wife was dead.
his frenzy OF agony at the loss--of the money
ia described as simply heartrcnding.
nervous little girl, whose uncle takes the
Detroit Commercial Adrcrtiscr writes horribly
10 that excellent journal:
Ny pen. is poor,
My lux is pale,
My hand does shake
Like a little dogs tail.
HorpTs Weekly, since it finds it no longer un.
popu'aF 10 censure Grant, can say as sharI
a.. q