The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-07-19
THE NEW ORLEANS BULLETIN, SUNDAY, JULY 10, 1874

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The Champion Of the Day-Man as Pro.
\ cessiOnist.
1 From the Chicago Tribune
The tendency of men to herd themselves
into professions is one Of the mysteries Of
human nature, which is only equalled by the
tendency Of those who are not in the herd to
stand in the broiling sun and admire the
Others Why this should be so, what peculia,
satisfaction the man in the procession derives
| from it, and what object he has in view, are
problems yet to be solved: and yet it is proba-
bly, the height of the ambition of every aver
age man to see the day when he shall 20 in a
procession; happy if he can march on foot;
doubly happy if he can carry banner bearing
strange device; thrice happy if he may ride
horse, terrify the women and children with
the caracoling of his fiery charger, and shout
hoarsely at his division Of the procession. All
of this is more remarkable from the fact the
procession is but child's sport with the diff
ference that the paper hats have been changed
for beavers with feathers in them, the lath
swords for steel ones the tin pan and whistle
for the drum and fife, the red flannel stripe
and bit of ribbon for variegated uniform be-
spangled with jewels and gaudy with tinsel,
and the stick which the leader straddled SO
gracefully for live horse, which the leader
nine times out of ten straddles ungracefully.
The effect Of the procession upon the indi-
vidual hardly has a p 'rallel among natural
phenomena. Your butcher or your shoe
maker may be, and probably is, very ordi-
nary man /; not blessed with wealth or beauty;
having no soul cravings or yearning desires for
the good, the true and the beautiful the owner
of a brood of rather dirty and promiscuous
children, with an intellect capable of the
scientific carving Of a sheep or skillful cob
bling of a boot. There is nothing majestic or
awful about him. You would not invite him
to your soiree as paragon. Indeed, in his
morning call at your house your servant re-
ceives him, and they gossip together in a
friendly way. But once array your butcher in
plug hat and white apron throw an emblaz-
ders put boiled shirt on him and stick a
rose in his button-hole hang two or three tin
sci crosses and other ornaments on his manly
breast and, if he is large butcher, let him
carry banner stuck in a pouch, looking as if
it were rooted in his ample corpus, and he be-
comes metamorphosed into another creature
As he marches along in his stately manner,
keeping time, time, time, in a sort of
Runic rhyme, to the Naturalization of
the band, he is an awful and majestic being,
who towers above you as you stand upon the
curbstone, and looks down upon you as one
Of the sans culottes. Yesterday he would have
taken off his hat to You to-day, if he sees
you at all, he only sees You as an atom one
Of a thousand admiring him as magnificent
being, only equalled by a royal potentate and
possibly surpassed bya sultan in the grandeur
Of his bearing and the gorgeousness Of his APP
parel. As you retire to your chamber ut !
night with the confused pictures of flags, ban
hers, crosses, swords, aprons hOrse-collars
and guns fitting before you, the
vision Of this majestic creature appears loom
ing up like Mont Blanc among lesser hills. |
You regret now that only yesterday you
vexed his great soul with complaints about
tough beef; that you d threatened to dis
charge this awe-inspiring creature and employ
You regret your dullness in not
the possibilities lying dormant in
aim, and you mentally resolve to make your
aspects to him, the Thrice Illustrious Prince,
'r Most Eminent Grand Seigneur, or High
stunning Knights of Pythagoras, and request
he pleasure Of eating tough steak hereafter.
There is one man in the procession, how
'ver, who does not possess these attributes
He is the last man. 1t is sad that there must
'e last man III procession but it must
lways be SO until some way is discovered of
making up the procession in circle, and then
living it motion like rotary shell, turning
is own axis and going straight ahead This
ast man is weary, worn, pathetic creature,
.ho looks as if life was a burden to him. He !
J a rusty, seedy biped, without any good
lothes. No stars blaze on his breast. No {
amer shields him from the fiery sun. His {
ar never hears the inspiring notes of the q
and. He catches ali the dust of the $
Bystanders rush in front of him |
18th impunity He has no pride at all. There {
no pomp about him-no majesty of mien. ,
e always looks sick, tired, dishevelled and
rlorn Small boys jeer at him. Bus drivers
order him out Of the way.
eckless young men make desperate efforts
drive over him. He gets mixed up among :,
swsboys, bootblacks, yellow dogs, advertising
agons, fan sellers, drays, and frantic women p
shing after erratic children, and loses the \
accession; and by the time he regains it he Il
poor, harassed. detected man and brother, n
I'd an object OF universal pity The chances A
e that If he doe not 90 off with sunstroke. -
get run over by an ice cart and have to be q
ken home in an express wagon, he will, as Z;
e result Of his pathetic situation, get drunk ~
til remarkable dispatch before sunset So "
ng as there must be a last man in every pro- a,
sslon, there should be some compensation ~
: should be made attractive. Let him be G,
ndsomely decorated and caparisoned Let +.
n have on two aprons Let him carry o.
nner and have an American flag in his hat. o
him also have drawn sword with which q;
keep off the small boys and yellow dogs, O,
q thus the last man in the procession will 81
use to be the most wretched object in exis- W
ice. ";
4 Cool FISHERMAN" met, the other =;
", writes foreign sportsman, "with an m
glishman who travels some hundreds of ~,
les every year to indulge in his tavorite ay
'rt of trout fishing 1 believe that, provided NJ