Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-05-28
PHUNNYGRAMS.

PHUNNNGRAMS.
There is nothing that will change
man so much as great grief, unless it is
shaving off his mustache,
-Shakespeare's "Seven Ages of Man"
Message, luggage, sausage, mp.age,
marriage, parentage and dot.age.
II the Darwinian theory is correct
would dry goods clerk trace his origin
from the tapir or the measure wormg
-" Pm particularly uneasy on this
point said the fly to the young gentle
man who stuck him on the end of a nee
die.
-" live by my pen" pompously said
poet who wished to impress Young
lady. You look as though you lived ia
one" she muttered.
The saddest thing in life is the spec.
tacle afforded by young person who has
burnt all her hair off her forehead with
hot slate pencil and cannot afford 20 buy
a row of curls.
An old minister once recommended
parishioner to take snuff to keep him
awake during the sermon, to which the
old blackslider retorted that he had better
put snuff in the sermon.
49," Dried tongue" was the answer
which minister, just going out to tex
change" gave to some one who asked
him what he had in his carpet-bag--
which contained seven sermons.
boy, is that licensed dogY" de-
manded a Detroit policeman of lad who
was leading his animal along the avenue.
mo, sir; he's a rat terrier dog" replied
the boy, and I'm taking him down to
have his teeth fled
-" There are two ways of doing it,"
said Pat to himself, as he stood musing
and waiting for a job. "If save $4,000,
| must lay up 5000 year for twenty
years, or | can put $50 away for 200
years-now which shall do ~
When the Prince of Wales was
married Artemus Ward gave him some
practical hints as to how to manage
Alexandra, founded on his own experience
with Betsy Jane. Nov you're married,
my boy" said he, "you can eat onions"
The new style of oath is out. Mrs.
Marrowtat ordered her husband to peel
the onions for dinner before he left the
house yesterday, and Mr.. Marrowiat,
bringing down his fist upon the table
with much emphasis, observed; "May
be crcmated, madam, if dop'
Among the gifts to a Pennsylvania
bride, few days since, was a broom, to
which were attached the following sweet,
sentimental lines;
This trnng gift accept OF me,
Its use would commend;
In sunshine use the bushy part,
In storms the other end.
Another horrible scene in the British
Royal family. The Duchess of Edin
burgh had borrowed the Princess of
Wales crimping-irons. In returning
them she presented the hot ends to Her
Royal Highness, who thoughtlcssly took
hold of them, and then waltzed around
with one hand between her knees for
several minutes before she could speak
Eye-witnesses of the occurrence express
their belief that the days OF the Russian
Empire are numbered.
-" conversed," says a writer, "with
a racist to-day He told me how he won
race in New Haven. For four weeks he
mixed soft rubber with the horses oats,
and every day he hitched that horse to
post and opened a blue cotton umbrella
in his face making him pull back,
stretching his neck awlully. Then he'd
shut his umbrella, the horse would stop
pulling and his neck would resume its
original length. He got the horses neck
very elastic, and on the day Of the race,
as his horse and the other horses were on
the home stretch, side by side, just at the
finish, the driver struck this mans horse
a blow behind his ears, and his neck
shout out almost Il rod, winning the race
by neck. II is said to be the biggest
hOme-stretch on record.n