The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-03-12
A Funny Description.

Cselessl UselessM If have tried once
you a regular cid scalp-peeler and sly
scraper Of a letter.
1t isn't that love Caesar less-I mean
that it isn't that I'm unable to do the
mental part of the proposition beautifully.
but 1t is that am unable to sit downl
How common the written sentence: |
sit down to pen you few lines, &c. But
how much written anguish may result from
the attempt!
How gladly would l say ii I could: Il
is with pleasure, dear Journal, that I sit
me down to announce the arrival, &c.
But good gods, Row can 7
The thought Of sitting makes me boil.
The thought of the boil prevents my
sitting.
The fact of the boil makes me mad
The act of sitting makes me leap ike
Ut to hurried skv rocket
Why, my love, havn't sit down in FIVE
weeks-or anything else--to stay!
am a most miserable, miserable man.
Along the first tried to do nv writing
for the Atlantic Monthly (sshD at my
desk. but becoming absorbed in thoughts
of these things that are before, and forget
ing those thing that are behind, would
pull forward my tall desk stool and settle.
Then would unsettle, quick
And there would follow prolonged and
dismal howl of pain, wild tramping to
and fro; one arm waving like our banner
in the sky and the other holding the panta-
loon away from the young Volcano.
So behold me now, supported under the
arms by my Revolutionary grand mothers
quitting frames which reach from piano to
mantel piece with pair of light summer
| trowssrs on which are kept distended and
away from that boil by fsh-hook, cord
and staple il the wall--all drawn taut
Andyet | am not happy.
! Why, If L. S. Treasurer Spinner should
say to me, Here George, sit down on thi,
half cord of green-backs and they are
yours" | should answer, go" away.
Spinner, l don't want your ducats I'm
not hungry. Tend to your own knitting
know my business.
! My wife says my affection ought to de
velop any religious tendency that may lay
dormant in me. She thinks it has. In
the early stages of my sufftrings, she said
she uwoke one silent night and heard me,
she was sure, quoting SCRIP ture and Watts
hymns.
Lord love her but wasn't, yon know.
was doing the other thing. l. C. recit
from prolane history, from that part where
the ID amoriteS poured re hot pitch down
upon the hands of the amazon damscIs
who crossed the dam just where the lordly
/ Tiber damnd, near the gates Of LIellaport
'Gcorge,' said she softly, some time
afterwards, George I'm afrai WAS mis-
taken the other night, now believe thai
your language which | hopefully and Joy
fully thought to be the expression Of Il
contrite and Sraca- seeking soul was swear
ing! Why oh why, dear, dost thou not
think more often Of re lemption and YOUR
latter end =
Thunder, madaml | screamed, you
don't know what you're talking Of, Think
! # my latter end? I'm always thinking of
it. l shouldn't forget it if / was steeped
in obliYion or -urrOuu led with GOTTEN ba,e.,
Why, | was telling a funny story to a partv
the oihe- day, and he comes up To me and
says: Old man, that was Il bully tbinp;
You ought to lie minister you ought
lon could mike congregation cry by tel
in of EN- joke, and then he slapped me
on the thigh-on that thigh, woman. on
sh,ch Ann Guish and Miss Fry hold a
first mortgage, Think nfredemption Why,
female, Grl You give one half the attention
t" keeping the Jumps out of my roultces,
that do in pondcriug nn the eifusion Of
shat Old B bic SC boiler, Job. Tho used to
score in LIar K verse. you'd be bct,,r att
richer wife.
Nhithere3, she vept.
| was s,.tenel. ! conld ;.at see those
tears unmovei. Wat male man cruld?
| approached her as she sat rocking to and
fro i. her ciiair
Dearest | mnrmmed why those
weep>? Dent cry. am sorry said any
thing when >puke. loo bad! too bad! |
am "A hrute, bear burglar. "a dentist and
a dishonest thief Forgive me-ma. Who
would not give thee heartpany for the
whole round world. Let's ks. and be
iends. ducky,' and ptyfuly sat dowu
on down on her lap. She had bunch Of
keys, a drawer knob and smelling bottle
In her pocket.
/ sat down on those.
On those | sat.
On the bottle, the knob, the KEYS ! sa.
down.
Small lUt active boys jeer at me through
the wind1w. / have no peace am a
wreck
would not live always,
| wouldn't if / could;
But there amt no use of talking.
For couldn't if l would.