The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1874-03-13
VARIETIES.

"A recent traveller says that in Egypt
aud Palestine he has been impressed with
the absence of cheerful and eXhilarating
music, especially the singing of children.
You never hear them singing. A heavy
burden of voiceless sadness rests upon the
land.
An old lady, recently visiting prison
asked one of the attendants why the pris-
oners received such coarse food. He told
her it was to keep their blood from becom.
ing impure. When asked what they
would do if their blood was impure, he
dryly responded, "Break out"
"A serious person who had charge of
the grammar division of school examina-
ton, and gave bright looking boy this
sentence to correct: Between you and |
this is good butter" The boy shortly re-
turned the slip thus Marked Incorrect--
the lamp post is omitted"
Charles Lamb, when speaking Of one
of his rides on horseback, remarked that,
"all &C once his horse stopped, but he kept
right on"
"A Kentucky editor tells this {: 1--WE
hear of a gentleman in this city who, when
he happens to get intoxicated, goes to his
room, gives himself good scolding, after
which he inhicts severe chastisement
upon himself with stout switch, and
winds up by making himself promise him
self to behave himself, in default of which
he will get another and more severe whip
ping"
An editor in Georgia offers to name
his baby after the man who pays the long
est iu advance for his paper. IT he had
mentioned the man who had the long
est kept an editor out of his pay, what a
list of candidates he would have had to
select names from.
An editor, who speaks with the air of
a man who has discovered new fact by
experience, says that the new way to pre-
nose out of other peoples business.
"A San Franciscan being annoyed by a
mudpuddle in the street, reported that he
had lost a $40 piece therein, whereupon the
pool was speedily empticd by eager seekers
after the money.
Some one has been looking over the
records ofthe Legislature of West Virginia
and finds that at its last session it passed
law "to prevent the owners Of hogs from
running at large"
Said Lord John Russell to Hume, at
social dinner, "What do you consider the
object oflegislationa" "The greatest good
to the greatest number" What do you
consider the greatest number ~ continued
his lordship. Number one, my lord" was
the commoner's prompt reply.
"A sailor dropped out of the rigging
of ship of war, some fifteen or twenty feet,
and fell plump on the head of the first
lieutenant. "Wretch!" said the officer after
lie had gathered himself up. "Where the
deuce did you come fromG" "An' sure, /
came from the North Of Ireland, yer
honoI."
An Indian doctor in Washington Ter
ritory was recently unfortunate enough to
have patient, squaw, die under his
treatment, and as he WAS too roor to COM
pensatc the husbandior his loss, the luttor
balanced the account by shooting the doc
tor.
A gentleman who takes business
view of most things, when recently asked
respecting person of quite poetic tenn
permanent, replied 40, he's one of those
men who have soarings after the infinite
and divings after the untathomablc, but
who never pay cash."
"A correspondent of Richmond apel
writes - Just after we left bonneville
Judge O., of Charlottesville, commenced
his Jokes, and soon had all the passengers
in a roar. "l'll tell you what can do,
said the judge to u correspondent of Q
New York paper; "you may think ofany
tune you please, whether / have heard il
or not, and by seeing you keep the tint
with your fingers, l can tell what you ar,
playing" The correspondent was skepti
cal. After thinking a moment, he com
menced piano playing on the back of the
seat in front of him, with all the grace O
professional. "What am playing now2'
he asked eagerly, with an air of triumph
"You are playing the fool" replied the
judge.
Tom SCOTT AS A Boss During Col. Ton
SCOTS recent visit to st Louis, he was hail
ed on the street by little bootblack with
"Boss, have your boots shined9" The col
onel pleasantly shook his finger at him
laying, "My boy, am no boss" The lit
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