The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-11
CURRENT ITEMS,


1callY examined.
THERE is not a paper in Delaware
which wants the whipping post abolished.
PHILADELPHIA wants few female bar
bers. How nice to be 1athered by q
pretty Quakeress!
The Rochester Chronicle says that the
climate of that city gently wooes rheu.
matte twinges from their lurking place.
New JERSEY quidnuncs mention as q
iare phenomenon native four years old
who has Just learned to chew tobacco.
BRAVE men can term fair women
The "apple Of their eye"
But when they come to ONCE,
No ladies need apply"
SOME boys at Biddeford, Me-, found q
woman's head in the water. and the whole
Of Maine is being searched over to find
the body.
A BURGLAR who was found under q
mans bed in Philadelphia excused him.
self on the ground that he was looking
for his dog.
TEXAS cattle-drivers are busy gathering
herds for an early drive. Cattle are in
better condition than ever before at this
season of the year.
MRS. MARTHA DUFFY, of Atlanta, Ga,
took morphine because she had lost in
business the money got on her dead hus-
bands life insurance.
A DOCTOR writes to the Baltimore Sun
that the nervous disease known as HYDRO
phobia can be produced by the bite of q
perfectly healthy dog.
A MEDICAL journal says that it is inju-
riOus for one to drink water out of pools
and bitches. 1t is not as convenient as
drinking from glass, either.
THE New York Sun says that any man
can make fortune in ten years by raising
cabbages, but Greeley's advice to young
men can't be covered up that way.
MARYLAND has new State law fining
q barber IS for keeping his shop open
Sunday, but saloon can remain open
all day and incur no prosecution.
A GREEN BAY preacher rode thirteen
miles, married a couple on the ice, took
fifty cents IS his fee, and returned home
without losing his bland smile.
A SHOEMAKER out West, with literary
turn Of mind, has the following poetical
gem attached to his shingle:
''Here lives man who never refuses
That is smart boy baby in Oak Har-
Dor, Ohio. He can walk, talk, speak
French and English, whistle and sing,
and all at the tender age of thirteen
months.
AT Fort Wrangell, Alaska, the average
temperature during the winter has been
thirty degrees below zero. The coolest
snap was in January, when the mercury
congealed-
A BLIND and insane inmate of the Rome
IN. " poor-house became imbued with
the notion that everybody was trying to
poison him. He therefore went and
hanged himself.
THE Cincinnati Commercial says the
best way to keep the lid snugly on tea
kettle full of boiling water is to sit on it..
Few people would have ever thought of
that.
FEATHER CAKE.-One cup sugar, one
teaspoonful butter, one egg, three cups
flour, two-thirds Of cup Of sweet milk,
one teaspoonful cream tartar, half one of
soda. Flavor with lemon.
LAMB.-Lamb should be roasted until
the gravy that drops is white; the fore
quarters are the best for a roast; the leg is
good broiled or roasted; two hours will
roast the fore-quarters we'll.
WHEN you repeat the proverb, Frail-
ty, thy name is woman" you must ex-
cept, hereafter, Mrs. Chloe Jones, colored,
Of Raleigh, whose waist, at its slenderest
point, measures seven feet in circumfer-
ence.
In the stomach of Goldfish opened at
Boston the other day was found a stone
inkstand full of ink. If the fish had only
secured a pen and some paper the world
might have had story of life under the
sea.
A CALIFORNIA newspaper, speaking of
a rich mine, says that on discharging a
blast seam of rock about the thickness
of a mans hand was displayed, so yellow
with the precious metal as to seem almost
solid gold.
Or all jokes, says the Salem (Mass.)
Gazette, that of the Legislature passing a
law to prevent young men under eighteen
years hurting themselves by overwork is
the greatest. Won't "Young America
enjoy the laugh?
LIGHT FRUIT CAKE.-Three-fourths
pound butter, one pound sugar, one pound
eggs, one pound flour, one pound raisins
stoned and chopped q little, halfpound
ciuon, small teaspoonful soda, no spice
Will keep all summer.
THE st. Paul Pioneer longs for some
preventive against breaking the point of
q lead-pencil. A very simple and cheap
preventive is to roll it up in tissue paper
tie with silk thread and then carry il
around in padded box.
CHERRY PuDD1Na.-Three cups butter
milk, three eggs, three cups cherries, one
teaspoonful soda, pinch of salt. Sti]
we'll, and thicken with -four, and bake
Serve with sauce or sweet cream and
sugar. Any other fruit is as good as cher
ries.
A New YORK court has decided in favol
OF passengers on crowded train occupy
ing seats in palace car without paying
extra therefor, and has awarded mar
$4OO damages for being put off train be
cause he refused to pay for seat in sucf
Car when there were none vacant in tht
other part of the train.
THERE is no use trying to arouse chill
dren in the morning, at this season of thu
year, under the maxim that the early birG
catches the worm. There isn't any worn
to catch, and they know it. Just as soor
as the frost is out, 80 that the worm car
be caught, the boys will be up and have
him to go fishing with.
THE good people of Ipswich, Mass, arr
pointing triumphantlZ to the power o1
prayer in that town. There was scheme
for grand calico ball, but the church
members have been praying increasingly
that it might not take place, and large
number Of the young ladies who were
going to it have decided to break thei1
engagements, several Of them have beer
converted, and the ball has been given up
THE sweetest lass in all this country