Litchfield enquirer., 1874-12-03
CLIPPINGS,

CLIPPINGS.
 Low people-Dwarfs. A dark night-Carbonite
 A firende tail-The cats. s.s.s
 The best way to rise in lady's estima- tion is not by stares. zuas Sl z=ss Thispiaey s., sler oassIzirts.. is the IaE- est for picking ladies' pockets" 17'
 Who always comes to ball after mid night? One A. M. ....t s.-
 Why is side saddle like four-quart jug? Because it holds gallon.
 When were there only three vowels in the alphabet? Before you and were thought of. -.' -..--. A mother-in-law is not heavenly body but she has been known to eclipse hon. eymoon. -a Why was the third of November select ed this year for election day? Because it is Choose-day. 5.t s-. .es-s- Why is 8 negative shake of the head like late revolutionary incident? ? Be cause it is nag mute.
 It IS now positively denied that the Sia mese Twins were Baptists. It is said that they were United Brethren.
 What is the difference between the Dig ger Indians and a trotting park? One is a course race and the other a race course.
 A bad. wicked newspaper man announ- ces the nuptials of Mir. Bean and Miss Ronou f1ndor %ho had of A d;oh of ~~o.lr and beans.'
 "Say a good thing and sit down." whis- pered the chairman to q long-winded stump orator. ''That's just what I'm try. ing to do," said the speaker.
 An Indianapolis editor says of a retiring contemporary "His blunders never an- noyed him, and he was cheerful and chir- rupy under a mountain of mistakes" When Brown, the mind reader, told a Boston girl to place her mind on some particular thing, she looked around for an extension-table as the only thing large enough to hold it. .'7 A lawyer engaged in a case tormented 8 witness so much with questions that the poor fellow. at last cried for water. ''There, said the Judge, 'I thought you would pump him dry. -9
 Paddy's description of fiddle cannot be beat: 'tIt was the shape of a turkey, and the size of goose. He turned it over on its belly and rubbed its back with 6 stick, and och. bykSaint Patrick, how it dld squeal."
 The Eureka Sentinel says that young lady in that burgh is continually walline forth, Kiss me, darling" The Sentinel suggests that some public spirited young man perform the job, so that the row may cease.
 To make fashionable hat for your wife or daughter, take an old slouch hat that 1 you have laid aside, turn up the brim on one side, lop it down on t'other. cover the turned-up side with feathers surcingle buckle, and put a big rosette and stream CT on 1t, when it is ready for use.
 The gorilla at the Cincinnati Exposition writes to the Small Talk: .sf hear that . good many people in this town are mak- ing disparaging remarks about me be. cause haven't got any clothes This is the first tune have ever met with such treatment, and to 8 person of my frail, sensitive peculiarities, 1t crushes like q pile-driver. I even wish that were dead. If you publish this send me four copies of the papers containing it. !"
 In Cooperstown they tell story of ar English joker who once visited Fenimore Cooper. One day, while MT. Cooper wal dining with the Englishman, he poured out some native wine-wine from grape: l raised in his own garden. Taking up s glass. and looking through it with pride, Cooper remarked: Now Mir. Stebbens. : call this good, honest wine. Yes. Mr Cooper, I agree with you. It is homes, wine-poor but honest Mir. Cooper ven on telling his ''Injun" stories. T A young man applying for the position of a teacher in school near PeekskiIl upon qualifications by the committee. wa, finally asked. .tCan you sing. .eNo. sir.
 Gan you pray? Well, I'll chance it a praying bus I'm d-d sure I can't sing. } The committee concluded to sschance it' , with some other candidate.