Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1874-04-24
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
A CRATE thinp-a poker.

N
lover because he left her on account Of
her flirting proclivities.
AN English wag asserts that machinery
is the most modest of all things, since it
almost always travels in cog.
A LEADING milliner says there are thirty
different names for spring bonnets and yet
they are nearly all the same shape.
LACE sashes are something new. They
are of Cluny and guipure, and lined with
brilliant silk to keep them "spread."
A BACHELOR is politely described as a
man who has neglected his opportunity
of making some poor woman miserable.
FOURTEEN Quincy men have signed a
pledge not to allow their daughters to
learn music until they know how to make
bread
THERE is prejudice in human kind
against large ears. AS the poet says: Man
wants but little ear below, nor wants that
little long"
A PICKPooKET arrested in Rochester
said: "I was only searching that mans
pockets for proofs of frauds against the
Government.
THE champion forgiven lives in Terre
Haute. His wife has eloped five times,
and he has taken her back and tried TO
make home happy each time.
THE huge inverted syphon of the Vir-
ginia & Gold Hill Water Company,
which carries the water aLross Washoe
Valley, is proving success.
eFEcHER cursorily remarked that
squeaking boots were one Of the notable
burdens of existence while listening to
some in Connecticut recently.
In Massachusetts, when the preacher
reaches seventeenthly" in his sermon, a
knowing chap yells "Fire!" and the con-
gregation is promptly dismissed.
The fowls cackleate it is discourag-
ing times for their business about the
close of Lent, and lay it down as an axiom
that Faster is eggscessively henervating.
AN embryo poet, who is certainly
close observer of human nature, remarks:
"Time marches on with the slow.meas-
ured tread of a man working by the day."
HEREAFTER no portrait is to be placed
upon any of the bonds, securities, notes,
fractional or postal currency of the United
States while the original of such portrait
is living.
A KENTUCKY breach of promise suit
wherein $4,000 was claimed has been
settled for $12 and a mule, which is just
about the figure the jury would have re-
turned.
THAT'S all nonsense about a volcano in
North Carolina. It's the usual spring
ague, and the natives of three or four
counties happened to commence shaking
at the same time.
DANIEL PRATT now comes to the sur
face TO say that no man can strike hard
er blow by splitting on his hands first, and
that it is useless custom which he would
like to see abolished.
IT'S about time that the conscientious
press began to pirate of cholera, and thus
make life dreary waste to the man who
fondly hopes to sit down and enjoy him
self after house cleaning. - rrI
If hens would only color their Easter
eggs before laying they might corner the
market. Quiz has been experimenting by
feeding his landlady's chickens on log
wood, and they died we'll.
The Taunton Gazette says A lady en-
tering one of our stores yesterday, no.
ticing the window draped in somber
asked who was dead. "Why,
Mr.. Sumner" said the polite attendant.
Oh" responded the obtuse interrogation,
I" was he clerk here?" "rIrr
DoN'T tell child you will do anything
for it unless you intend to keep your
promise. A strict observance of this rule
may save you the agony of seeing your
child become a liar. If you say, "I'll
skin you alivo" go and skin it though it
brings tears to your eyes.
THE Vermont people have great pas
sion for discovering coal mines on their
farms, nowadays, but Prof Seeley, of
College, who has examined
specimens from some of the supposed
veins, says that all coal hunting in the
State will end in disappointment.
"CHIcAeo papers report $4,000 sons and
daughters of that city married last year,
and an effort was made to obtain the di-
vorce statistics, but the lightning calcu-
ator broke down. ."-Memphis Avalanche.
A sHIFTLEss man is the first to perceive
the approach of winter and the last to per-
ceive its departure. A cap with ear laps
Dr. faced comforter is dearer to him in
June than the glories of flowers or the
sweet songs of birds.
STUMP MACHNE.-The simplest con
rivance is to chain a strong piece of
timber to one side of the stump by very
strong chains hooked into the roots, and
attach oxen to the other end; going
about in a circle will twist the stump
out.
"IF," advertises philosophical vic
tim, I" the person who took fancy to my
overcoat was influenced by the weather,
then all is serene; but if he did so from
considerations, am ready to
enter into financial negotiations for its
RETURN"
WE have heard great many rough
things about the late Mr.. Nero, who I'D
died while Rome burned, but to this day
nobody has ever accused him of parting
his hair in the middle. Thank goodness,
there was limit to his atrocities.-
Memphis AUdldnche. ......-.
IT is now asserted, says the New York
Tribune, that side window in a stable
makes horses eye weak on that side;
q window in front hurts his eyes by the
glare; window behind him makes him
window on diagonal line
makes him shy when he travels; stable
without a window makes him blind.
Truly farming is a fearful and wonderful
pursuit.
A FEW days since we noticed the fact
that many of the engineers on the New
York Central Railroad were obliged to
make three trips per day-given no time
to rest, or hardly to eat. We have a case
of a more recent date. Within a month
one of the engineers on the Central Rail
road, who had been making his three
trips per day for several days, and was
worn out and exhausted, ran his engine
on turn-table in Buffalo, awaiting the
arrival of the express from this city. He
fell fast asleep-and it must have been
L. II l.
awakened by yardman, and, in his be-
snpposing that the express
had passed, he started from the turn-table
to collide almost Immediately with thu
express. The only damage done was to
property. This engineer was discharged
from the service of the COM
pany. Nature deh.anded its rights-the
engineer succumbed the railroad COM
pany exercised its prerOgative, and threw
him out of work.-ROchester IN ~
linton.