Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-10-09
Fl U M O e

The other day minister offered prayer
at the laying Of a corner stone. A brisk
Young reported hustled up and said II
wish you would give me the manuscript OF
that prayer.'' 81 never write out my pray
ers,'' replied the preacher. ''Well," said
the reporter, II couldn't hear a word you
said' II aoasn'tproying to you," quickly
responded the parson.
A small boy, telling his ''pals'' how he
came to be detected stealing apples in
grocery store, proceeded thus: 'Well, l
didn't care so burned much about beln'
seen. but the clerk was cross-eyed, an l
thought he was watchin dorg fight cross
the street, but he was lookin' square into
me, an he helped me clean into the gutter J"
A jealous but ignorant negro preacher,
in expounding to his flock as to the as
founding nature of miracles, got a little
confused in the matter. He said, MY be-
loved friends. the greatest Of all miracles
was bout the loaves and fishes Dere was
5000 loaves and 1000 fishes, and de twelve
'postles had to eat them all, and de miracle
is dey didn't bust
Theodore de Banville is credited with a
very happy retort by Charivari. Can you
tell me, sr,'' said a person, chow verses
are made, for confess [ have never been
able to understand ?" cit is very easy,
SIR Greatly % GU take lines of I'M
equal length and put rhyme at the end and
Of I,
A Chicago reporter went to party the
OTHER day and was good enough to remark
the next morning, that a Ger tain young
lady had the smallest waist in the room.-
There is no sense in getting wrathful with
the Young man; the other girls killed him
the next day, and they made him grave
where the sunbeams rest.
An Iowa lady has presented her husband
with three boys and three girls at a birth
He doesn't seem to enjoy the proud emi-
nence he occupies, and looks like a man
who would just as lief "step down and
OUT if he knew where to go to.
Somebody having excused frequent par
IONS BECAUSE tIt soudle D / looll ID VclJ
crowded" the ''Congregationalist" thinks
that the next thing may be a justification
of reprieves of men sentenced to be hang
ed. because the Commonwealth is out of
ropet'
II believe my fate will be that of Abel s, f"
said wife to her husband one day. ''Why
so ~ inquired her husband because
Abel was killed by club, and your club
will kill me if you continue to 60 to it
every night"
A New York State Quaker was found
in patch Of grass behind fence looking
at circus procession, and he turned it off
by asking: "Friend, hast thee seen the
ring-bolt of my wagon around here 20
Progression is the watchword of the
hour, but in Missouri mothers haul their
disobedient children over the knee and
strike on the same old spot that the Ro-
mans did three thousand years ago.
When the Arkansas -taker next
goes around he will find Peter Dayton miss
ing from earth. The old man found a
package and threw it into the fire to see if
it was powder OF sand. 1t wasn't sand.
Now is the time when the irresponsible
urchin glueth the house fly's wings togeth-
er and walked him against time around
the nose Of his sleeping grandfather.
When lovely Susan stopped to folly,
And found that Bessie would betray
She Sllreked a Shrek, and swore by go1ly,
That she could whip her any day.
''Is the candidate for sheriff here %,
asked stranger, as he looked into an Hi |
nois bar-room. eyes, why ?" answered |
eighteen men as they arose.
Brooklyn is d pious place. Even the |
saloon-keepers quote Scripture. One of
them has sign "Why halt we between
two opinions
Doctor, what do you think of women
for doctors % 'SThey are invaluable, mad |
am, to our profession. We derive two
thirds of our income from Them"
There are three classes into which all tie
women past seventy, that | ever knew
were to divided l. That dear old soul!
2. That OLD maid. 8. That old witch.
Eight Connecticut young ladies have
Just taken the veil. They were hopelessly
freckled.