Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-10-09


not tan in this climate as in ours. end that
the delicate flesh tints show more on that
account" Msllop England in Serb
nr's.
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.
A retired sea captain, who hai made
tie tour Of continental Europe and the Holy
Land, and was asked how he vas impressed
by his visit to 90 Jerusalem - said he - it il
the meanest place i ever visited There is
not one drop of liquor in the whole place f;
to drink
A person who represented that he Wa a
clergyman presented himself at the Office Of
a prominent real estate firm in Boston one
day this week, and asked if the firm would
give him list of all the farms offered for sale
and owned by widows. The query natural
ly arose whether he wanted to buy q widow
or marry farm.
An lrishman found a government blanket
recently, and rolling it up put i; under his
arm and walked of, saying Yi., that's
moin-U for Patrick, and for McCarty be
me sowl, but this learnn's a fuine thing, as
me fayher would say; for if | hadn't any,
edication | woaldn, have been afther iinlin'
me blanket "-Daa5urg Neirs.
The only thing that Earl Russell ever dd
greatly was to sneeze. His achievement in
that line is thus described by hi~ biosrapher
This remarkable man seemed to conct II
trate himself, as it were for gigantic effort,
would be bent nearly double bv tie force
of the explosion. and would then dive down
into the flaming banner Of red silk, from
xrL Il.
he emerged with a countenance ss vivid "a
the back of scalded lobster" The late
Lord Clarendon said - When Lord John
takes snuff the consequence brings down the
house"
L; was Scotch wOman who sail JLat the
butcher Of her town only killed half ieas; at
q time il was a Dutchman who said tina;
pig had no marks on his cars except q short
tail Il was British magistrate who, be-
ing told By vagaboni that he was not uay-
Tied, responded That's & good thing for
your wife" 1t vas an English reporter
who stated at 4 meeting Of the Ethnological
Society that there were - casts Of the skull
of an individual at different periods Of adult
life, to show the changes produced in ten
years" though Dean swift certainly ;aen-
tions two skulls preserved in lTelant-0ne
Of person when he was a boy and tie other
of the same person when he grew to be
man. Ii was Portuguese mayor who en-
umerated among the marks by which the
body Of drowned man might be Identified
when found, 9 a marked impediment in his
speech" L, was Frenchman the famous
Carlino-who, contentedly laying his head
on large stone jar for pillow, replied to
one who inquired if it was not rather hard
L" Not at all for have stuffed it with hay"
Il was an Amei .can lecturer who sole.nnly
said one evening: 81 Parents, You may have
children or, if not, your daughters may
have" Il was German orator who, warm
ing with his subject, exclaimed 80 I-ere Is
no uan, woman, or child in the house who
has 4 arrived at the age Of fifty years, bat
what has felt the truth thunieris, through
their minds for centaries."
A clergyman at Pari, Hy., stopped hi.
PRAYER to lead an unruly man ol. hy the
ear, and went On e As I was saving. oh
Lord
1t was Chicargo lady who sent an order
to Rome to the celebrated sculptor for " one
marble fggre Of Apoller il his Close, TO c7rSt
not more nor Sl0C0.
DR.. Thomas Hume walked one day to the
Office Of & morning paper, where he silently
placed upon the counter an announcement OF
some friend, together with five shillings, the
usual charge for an insertion of such an
noucements Tie clerk glanced at tie IA
per, tossed it on one side, and said, grutiiy,
Seven and six &" | have frequently,
REPLIED Hume, - had occasion to publish
these simple notices. and | never before been
charged more than five shilling" - Sim
ple :" repeated the clerk, without looking
Up. Hes universally beloved and deep
lv regretted Seven and six. Hume pro-
duced the additional half crown, and laid it
deliberately bv the Others, observing. as he
did SO, with the solemnity Of tone that he
used throughout, Congratulate yourself,
sir, that this is an expense YOUR executors
will never be pat TO-"
Rev. p. II. Barham, author OF - TIE Ia
eoldsby Segends. who was ill Of mischief
when boy, had companion named Disgle.
who was, if anything. more mischievous than
himself. he was fond of practical jokes. in
one Of which BIrham was q sharer- The
two BOYS having, in the course Of their
walk. discovered Quaker meeting house,
forthwith procured penny tar; Of uelgh-
boring paslrv-cook. Furnish with this Dig
gle marched boldly into the building. and
holding up the delicscy in the midst Of the
grave assembly, said, with perfect s0lemniiy,
:. Whoever speaks first shall have this PIE.
- Friend, 20 thy way" commenced trao,
colorei gentleman, rising; go thy way ana
-" The pies yours, sir, said Master
Diggle politely, and placing it before the
as,onished speaker, hastily e1ec;ei his
escape.
Twiss, in his " Lie of Lord Eldon'" re-
lates story cf Lord Erskine which would
| delight the tender heart of Mr.. Bergh. On
one occasion a rufianly driver in the neigh
borhood of Hampstead Heath was pani-hing
miserable, bare-bOned back horse. LORD
| Erskine's sympathy revoked him t, q smart
remoustrance. = Why, sad the ienow,
ait : nv own; a; mayn't use it as please -
| And as he spoke he discharged tre>l show
er of blows on the raw back Of the beast
Lord Erskine excessively irritatcd, lsid his
walking stick sharply OYER the shofiaers OF
the offender, who, crouehing and grombling,
asked him what business BE had 70 touch
him with his stick. Why" replied
Erskine, to whom the the opportunity of a
Joke was irresistible. - il my o*n 'nsyn
I use it as | please ?
Detectives yarns are often little more
marvellous than those Of sailors, who are
supposed, according to the popular notion, 10
snend their whole time in talking 10 the
marines. This is one about Chicago boy
and reader is not required to believe i II
the absence Of documentary evidence. Thr
youth made raid on an open safe, and rar
away with roll which turned out 10 con
tain large amount in Five-Twenty bonds
1t WAS found that the boy lived with hr
mother in shaaty on the pat sAi:ts oi M
city. aud the detective. repairing thlther
entered and beheld on is walls the most ex
,raordinary and most Talnable wall paper OF
which his sharp eyes hal ever rested. Tn
missing bonds had been neatly pasted on tn,
wall. nicely matched and j1ined. BY consl
derab.e moistening. pulling. and profanity
, they finally came cf with layer of white
, wash adhering 10 them. We regret to sa
that the boy was arrested and punished
/ He should have been allowed to keep th
bonds for his ignorance, il not Tor his non
: esty.
MISSISSIPPI RIVER ScENYs.-Wlen th
! rains have swollen it, tribstary rivers I
= more than their ordinary volume, the Nh
' sissippi is grand, terrible, treaeherou7. a
4 ways subtle and serpent-likc in its mode
r stealing upon its prey, it swallows up acre
a at one fell swoop on the side, sweeping thel
4 them away from their frail hold on the mai
/, land, while, on the other, it covers plant
i tons with slime and broken tree trunks an
A boughs, forcing the frightened inhabitan
: into the second story of their cabins, an
: driving the cattle and swine upon high knoll
4 to starve, or perhaps finally To- drown
/, pierces the pany levees which have cost Il
: States bordering upon i; such immense sum
e and goes bubbling and roaring through Il
. o-1,,',a d;strac ct,n1 the nltn.er. and send 7