The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-05-09
VARIETY.


Why is a young lady like a hinge? Because
she II something to adore.
He handled a gun careIessly, and put his
angel plumage on !" is a western papers obitu-
airy OF John Devine, Of Naples, Ill. -
What is the differences between jew and a
lawyer? The one gets his law from the proph-
cts, and the other his profits from the law.
- II naughty girl should hurt you, like
good girl you would forgive her. wouldn I you -
. Yes, marm, she replied, - If couldn't catch
her"
If your neighbours hens are troublesome,
And steal across the way,
Don't let your angry passions rise,
Bat tx place for them to lay.
A Nova Scotia woman was lately tried in Port
land for having two husbands, and no one
thought Of urging in her defense the name Of the
town she came lrOm-PIetOu.
IL il estimated that it takes a dOmesticated hy
n twO-billionth part of n second To wink, while
an industrious mosquito ean do il in One-tenth
that time. Corrections solicited.
How Divided-We hear from the West that
philosopher has extracted the following reply
from schOol-bOy To the query. - How is the
earth divided, my lad2' - BY earthquakes, sir. "
An applicant COR pair of boots ut one Of our
shoe shops was asked what number he wore and
prise, - Why, two, Of course
The st. Louis GLOBE says, 50 We have no special
ill-wiH toward our State capital, but we have an
idea that a successful raid upon the saloons of
the town would promote an early adjournment of
the Legislature
For pure grit and long continued patience you
want to 90 20 Toledo. 4 young lady in that
town has sent I46 pieces Of poetry to a newspa-
per; and though all have been rejected she is
struggling with another
What is the difference between a gauze dress
and n drawn tooth i? Answer But, really, we
hope it will be well understood that we didn't
guess it and still better understood that the
conundrum u none of ours. Because one is
too thin and the other is tooth out.
Ii is recorded that Adam reached the good old
age of nine hundred and thirty years before he
died, but no mention is made of Ewes age when
she passed away. The well known antipathy to
telling her age which charaeterizes women in all
ages and under every cline, may perhaps account
for this.
private secretary of a public man was re-
Gently ordered to send letter to Office seeker,
Offering him a position. 1t was couched in these
words - You are marked down for position
IN the Custom House, as your well-knOwn IA
pacity demands The scribe had written an
r for c-LndePsHdeHf.
The recent diocesan conyOcatiOn had a bad
effect on Milwaukee reverence. The Sentinel
states that half dozen fellows got into row in
a Spring street beer saloon, the other night, when
the proprietor arose and remarked with dignity,
40 Gentlemen. want you to understand that this
is not an Episcopal council"
A Paris correspondent of the Pal Mall Ga
stfs tells this singular story Of the supervision
of the French press In the days of the Empire
q fery editor OF the South summoned before
the correctional police, and was fined for an art-
Gle written by person whose name he refused 10
reveal till the court had pronounced It's sentence.
The verdict delivered, the editor betrayed the
name Of the guilty party Ii was that Of the
Emperor
The Crunberry-CirOyers' Association Of New
York have expressed box Of choice cranberries
In Oueen Victoria. with some approved Jersey
recipes for cooking them, neatly folded on top
We have long wondered says the Phiadei-
phia Bni'sfir - how we should ever be able to
repay England for what she has given us in laws
and literature: but the problem now approaches
solution New Jersey, IN return for Blackstone
and Shakespeare, offers cranberries and recipe
for tarts.''
..Do understand the counsel for the defend
ant asked a very fat Judge, - 70 say that he Is
about read his authorities as against the decI-
sion Just pronounced from the Bench
- BY no Means replied the counsel aforesaid
- was merely going 10 show To your honor by
a brief passage 1 was about 10 read from the
book. what an intolerable old fool Blackstone
lnust have been"
cay, ny, - said the Judge, not little elated
and there the matter ended.
At n very successful seance IN Cincinnati the
other night. 4 man burst into tears when the me
A dium described very accurately tall, blue-eyed
spirit standing by him, with light side whisker'
and has hair parted in the middle " DO yOJ
kknsw him ? - inquired man At his side IN {
sympathetic whisper. - Know him? | guess
do, replied the unhappy man, wiPing his eyes
- lie was engaged to my wife. Ii be hadn
died he would have been her husband instead o
ne. Oh, George, George, - he murmU- IN
voice choked With emotion. '' why ? - PEI
outY" <S5-,or