Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-07-31
humorous Shetrbss.

At last, when patience had ceased TO be |
virtue, he told the boy to go into the yard,
where there was fellow who had sweet
tooth in his head. The young pedler en-
sered. and his eyes fell on a grinning ske-
Teton, swaying and nodding in the breeze.
The boys hair stood on end, his tongue
was palsied and he dropped his stock Id
trade instanter and scampered off as fast
as his legs could carry him. The doctor,a
kind-hearted man withal, and very tall and
. lank, by the way, fearing that he had car
ried the Joke too far, picked up the candy
and ran out, crying, Come back, boy
there's nothing here to hurt you.' On,
no. said the boy, you don't come that
over me; know you, if have got your
clothes on
STICKING TO WHISKY.-Whilem manipu-
latinc the MINDLESS Of well, the other
night, a party who had been laying IN
stock of whisky before il was all seized by
the police, let the handle slip when the
bucket was half way up, and naturally en-
ourh received a chuck under the chin that
knocked him over q neighboring fence
Sold again. he muttered, as he climbed to
his feet. Might anode-hic-better than
to-hic-eo foolin' roun' so much water.
Bettcher boots I'll stick !'whisky after this.
A MAN who had been cruel TO horse
was convicted in Little Shasta, California.
The Jury fixed the fine at one dollar, and
the Justice followed with a speech. This
mans being tried four times, gentlemen OF
the iury,' he said, and your the first
twelve that's had sense enough 10 find him
guilty. But what under heavens did you
make jackasses of yourselves for putting
the fine at one dollar after you'd done an
average decent thing. 'Taint any OF your
business anyway what he's fined. III
look after that myself-it'll be sixty dol
lars.'
And have you no other sons ? asked
curious lady Of bronzed old sea captain.
oh, yes, madam. have one that lived
in the South Sea Islands for nearly dozen
years = Really Was he bred there, and
what was his taste-the sea or land z NO,
madam, he wasn't bread, he was meat
least was the niggers ate him and as for
his taste-the chief said he tasted OF ter
baccer' The lady walked TO another part
of the ship, and the captain smiled and
took fresh quid of 'terbaccer' himself
MY son, you look like boy who has
been brought up by afectionate parents, !"
said kindly stranger TO a golten-haired
child and the latter, in an excited tone,
exclaimed DO II Jus. look at my back y
THE love that woman's heart needs is
the love that is spoken in deeds, says a
modern poet. Especially says Mary
Jane, the deeds TO handsome three-story,
marble front mansion, together with few
choice corner lots
Il say, Bill, didn't your mother say you
couldn't 90 in a swimm'n unless you
asked your faiher?' oh, yes, but you see
dad has the gout, so there is 10 use askin'
Of him, because he couldn't lick me any
way
THE two richest men now living in Anne
rika, that ] know ov, is the one who has
got the most money, and the other who
wants the least, and the last one is the
one who has got the most money, and the
other who wants the least, and the last one
is The happiest of the two.-.JoSL. Billings.
4 YOUNG bachelor who had been ap.
pointed sheriff, was called upon TO serve
an attachment against a beautiful young
widow. lie accordingly called upon her
and said Madam, have an attachment
for you.' The widow blushed and said
his attachment had been reciprocated.
You don't understand me; you must pro
ceed to court Il know it is leap year, sir
but prefer you to do the courting.' Mrs
p, this is no time for triling the justic,
is waiting The justice Why prefer
parsOn.'
ANTI LOCAL OPTION RECIPE.-Th,
following receipt for making anti-cholera
summer drink, which is said to be a SURE
preventive, is published in Kentucky. l
taken a. frequent intervals during the da,
it has wonderful effect
Spirtus veni otardi-ox. , (; Sugardun
Whiteum, Icious Finels, Mintibusqe Sill
ceum Pineapplei, Strawberri; Shakitu
violenter, suckiter immejius cum strawum
SLIGHTLY sarcastic was the clergyman
who paused and addressed a man comm;
into church after the sermon had begun
with the remark, Glad 20 see you, sir
come in always glad to see those her
late who can't come early.;' and decidedly
selfpossessed was the man thus addressed
in the presence Of an astonished congrega
ton, as he responded, Thank you, wou
you favor me with the text p
A FEMALE TEACHER in n school tina
stood on the banks of river once wishe
TO communicate to her pupils an idea {
faith. While she was trying to explai
the meaning of the word, a small fishing
boat came in view. Selling upon the il
cident for an illustration, she exclaimed
IF were TO tell you that there was a le
of mutton in that boat, you would beley
me, would you not, without even seein
it yourselves p Yes, ma'am, replied til
scholars. We'll, that is faith. said th
schoolmistress. The next day, in order
test the recollection of the lesson, she il
quired, What is faith p a leg Of mu
ton in boat p was answered from a
parts Of the schoolroom.
ANEGRO in religious gathering praye
earnestly that he and his colored brethre
might be preserved from what he Gale
their 'upsettin' sins. 'Brudder,' said OF
of his friends, at the close Of the meeting
you amt got de hang of dat ar word. 1t
beseitin', not 'upsettin.' 'Brudder,' r
piled the other, if dat's so, it's so. But
was a-prayin' Providence to save us fro
de sin of intoxication; an if dat amt q