The Cecil Whig., 1874-06-06
THE BEST SEWING MACHINE.

There was Hubbard. He drove up to
the door, unloaded sewing machine, and
said if we wanted machine which would
do all kinds of work, run easily, hem,
tuck, ruffie, gather, and be thing of joy.
forever and forty days more, we shouldn't
fail to buy the " Lightning Singer" l
bought it, and when after week, he want
ed certificate, cheerfully wrote one:
"This is to certify that 1 have had
lightning Singer in my house for some
time past, and l wouldn't be without it
for twice its cost. 1t hadn't been in my
house half day before my son recovered
from the whooping cough, and my wife
found ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. |
think it is the best machine ever made--I
can't bear to go to bed and leave it."
He said he was ever SO many times oblig-
ed, and he hadn't got out of sight before
Kilroy drove ur with the "Thunder s.
Blazes machine. He began to snuff at
the other machine; said we'd been terribly
humbugged, and that his machine was the
only first class machine in the market.
My wife began to cry, and he soothed
her by offering to trade his machine for the
other, which he could sell for old iron, and
$50 to boot. We made the trade. He
said the Thunder & Blazes would make
any kind of stitch, sew any kind of fab
ric, and outrun anything but a locomotive.
He came around the next week with a
certificate all written out, and signed it,
"This is to certify that have gained
ten pounds of flesh per day since purchas-
ing your machine, and that my wifo hadn't
run it half an hour when her uncle died
and left her two hundred thousand dollars.
Not one of the children has had cold
since the day the Thunder & Blazes
came through the gate. 1t plays easily,
the strings are not liable to snap, the stops
are easy to manage; and it is the only ma
chine in the world which can be operated
by a red-headed woman with cork leg.
1 can stay out till eleven O'Clock at night
now, and my wife hasn't word to say.
Formerly she used up four rolling pins,
costing two shillings each, per week."
Then McManus came. / told him that
had the best machine in the market, and he
asked to look at it. He hadn't fairly got
his eyes on the Thunder & Blazes" be-
fore he commenced to laugh.
"Ho-ho-ho!' ~ he shouted, as he dropped
on chair-"it will kill me-did you ever
oh ho- ho ~
sternly asked the cause of his hilarity,
and he replied that Kilroy had swindled us
taken us in-cheated us stone blind.
The " Thunder & Blazes wasn't worth a
dunn, he said-was an old machine invent
ed by blind man and patented by fool.
My wife began to weep.
"But," said McManus, "there was his
machine, the Chained Earthquake 1t
was the machine, and all others were base
limitations. We might try it, and if we
didn't like it he would cut his throat with
brick-saw. We tried it, and when he
came with his certificate l signed it:
"This is to certify that your sewing ma
chine has saved me ten per cent in fuel
and twenty per cent in hay and corn since
We purchased it. l licked an alderman,
pulled a schoolmaster's nose, and kicked a
me:nber Of the legislature the second day
after we got the machine, and we hadn't
owned it week when l found where l
could get trusted for meat and wood, and
discovered flour shed unlocked. 1t will
sew any thing, from leg of mutton to a
| New Hampshire mountain. There hasn't