Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-11-26
Anmurons department.
PATTERSON'S BOY.
BY SLOPER.


BY sLoPER.
1t is true saying that "there are no days
like the old days." and, indeed, there is no fic.
tion so laughable as the real, humorous Incl
dents of our boyhood days, at least to US, who
can so wildly remember every look and ges.
which at the time we so nearly split our Sides
that we can't bear to have woman's finger
poking US in the ribs even to this day without
getting excited.
With this brief prelude, I will introduce
"Patterson's Boy" Now it has always been
an unanswered question, "Who struck Billy
Patterson" but I am fully prepared to an
swer for "Patterson's Boy" and solemnly de-
clare that it wasn't who pulled the string.
In my young days "Patterson's Boy" and l
used to 60 for swimming bath every Sunday
morning, during the summer, in the Ohio
river. We would 60 at an early hour, before
sunrise, and, as he was sleepy-headed youth,
it required voice of thunder to rouse him
from his snoring. I got tired of the strain on
my lungs, and of seeing so many indignant
night-capped heads poked out of the neigh
boring windows, so suggested to Patterson s
Boy" that he tie string to his big toe every
Saturday night, with the other end tied to the
fence, and could just quietly and gently pull
the string, and wake him without disturbing
the neighbors.
This plan worked we'll for time, but one
night "Patterson's Boy" could not find any
other string to attach to his toe, but strong,
closely twisted cotton cord, called in the West
a troll-line, strong enough to hold the largest
fish in the river; so he tied the string securely
to his toe, and with the other end fastened to
the fence, he went to sleep in all the sweet Sc
curity of innocence, and soon his childlike
snore was mingling with the joyous music
of katy-dids and jar bugs. There was also
another innocent youth who lived across the
street from the paternal mansion of "Patter-
sons Boy" "The course Of true love never
did run smooth"
Now, of course, these boys loved each other,
but little unpleasantness sprang up once be-
tween them, owing to little game of marbles
in which "Pattersons Boy" came out so far
ahead that the other boy could never under
stand it ; and it had been puzzle to him ever
since, although he never cast any imputation
on the honor of "Patterson's Boy" and, gen
erously overlooking it, he loved him as we'll
as ever and would 60 over and eat pie with
him whenever they had baking at Patter-
sons
One morning, however, this boy got up ear
ly to solve the problem of that game, and see
ing the string tied to the fence, he thought
that might throw some light on the subject,
especially as he knew the other end was tied
to the toe of "Patterson's Boy" Now Patter-
sons calf was lying down by the fence near
the string, so the boy went up quietly, and
patted the calf on the head, and petted it un-
til he had gained its confidence by false pre-
tences, and then he unfastened the string from
the fence and tied it on over the little stubby
horns of the calf; then he went over and sat
on the gate-post to watch the result.
In few minutes I came walking along to
wake "Pattersou's Boy" for our swim, and
when 1 approached the fence the calf jumped
up in fright and started on run across the
lot I heard terrible racket inside, and the
tumbliug over of tables, and chairs, and then
a yell from "Pattersons Boy" as he came
through the window with nothing on but his
shirt, and, with kind of "half harmon" hop,
step and Jump, he went after that calf, while
the tail Of his shirt sailed out on the breeze
and fopped like an election banner on a win
dy day.
Away they went around the yard, over the
wood-pile, through the garden, over beans, and
peas, and tomato vines, and then disappeared
in the corn, where the rattle of the dried corn
blades and the yell of "Pattersons Boy" was
all that indicated anything interesting down
there. But, rockety clack, they came back
again, and "Pattersons Boy" had taken a
death grip on that line to relieve the unpleas-
ant strain on his toe, and as the calf had got
warmed up to his work they were making
better time than ever.
They made all the near cuts and sharp
turns and curves around that yard they up
set barrels and pans, broke down all the pretty
flowers in the front yard they knocked down
shelf; and smashed all the jars of preserves
and then they disappeared for moment un-
der the woodshed, where "Pattersons Boy
could be heard humping his head among the
old traps piled up there.
But it never got really lively and interest
ing until the calf upset the beehive. Then
the buzzing of the bees, on that sweet Sabbath
morning, was 50 suggestive of the land where
milk and honey flows that it was strange il
"Patterson's Boy" didn't appreciate it.
think he did, from the way he hoped, and
danced, and yelled and kicked and roared.
By this time Patterson came out, and go
an old scythe, and moved around with it unit
he cut that blasted old string, and got his only
son in the house, and by that time the neigh.
bors began to come in to look at him. They
had put some more clothing on him, however
as that shirt he started out with was now al
gone.
You couldn't reasonably expect shirt tt
last that boy long, scolloping around as "Pat
terson's Boy" did that morning. went in tt
look..at him too.
1t was interesting to look at him. Hi
nose stuck out like large, full-grown tomato
his ears we're as large and thick as your hand
his mouth looked like hole in huckleberry
dumpling and his eyes-well, he didn't have
any eyes; at least you couldn't see any.
1t was an extraordinary occasion to th'
family, but when asked him if he was going
swimming with me, and that other boy wanted
him to play marbles, the Patterson family
thought we didn't appreciate the situation
and old Patterson lifted US with his boot.
THE SAFE WAY.-"Is there ford here ?
asked an English gentleman, who, in making
a tour in the west of Ireland, was suddenly
stopped by a mountain stream. 30, to b'
sure, your honor" said an honest native
"there was once ford here" "When wa
it?" asked the gentleman. ut was before th'
bridge was built, yer honor" answered th'
pood. d.humored Hibernian; "but after th'