, 1874-03-01
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loA-okt~
II Bcdouin ahou1d lose his toe:h. would 10
talk gum Arabic?
Wien il young lady like wha!e7 When
She's poutng.
Why is person wto never lays wager IS
bad rs 8 regular ganp1er7 Because Lo is no
better?
If n saloon-keeper gets rich it is tecauss he
makes nlaay coed bargains.
"A man VAS boastlng that he had been mar
ried for twenty years sud had hover giye2 his
| rifo cross word Those who know him zsy ho
didn't dare to.
Arc blacksmlths, who make living by forg-
ing, or carentors, who do littlo counter fitting,
any worss than men Who sell iron and s:ccl for
] living:
| What ia the difference between farmer and
| 8 bott1a Of whisky? Oao husbands the corn,
aud tho other CONS the husbands.
| Il father in Wisconsin offered his boy e5 to
take qoso Of eastor-oiI, and then got conn-
terfeit bill off on the boy.
=" WEat il moro e1hilarat;ns sight" aaks
| Vermont paper, =" than to eco eighteen hand
sorne girls sliding down hil1 on IN o1-s1ed?"
nNineteon,"' says the experienced editor Of tbs
| Boston Post.
=" Natrimonv." eaid modern Beuedict tho
! other other day, "produces remarkable reyolu-
| tions. Here am l. for instance, in ten short
months, changed from sishins lover to los.
Even with en- octagora1 watch, unless man
has i mouae-colored lorso and yellow sleigh,
he can only skiralish on tho outskirts Of good
6OC1GtT GtT.--lH1ttCQuIsfR scEn{k.4tk.
-It's rather remarkable that, while several
Thousand feet arc required to make one rood, \
sinRe foot, properly applied, is often sufficient
to make one civil.
Some men never lose their presence OF mind.
in Miwankco last week 4 man thre.7 his
mothor~a-law out Of 1 window in the fifth s:o13
Of burning bnilding, and carried feather bed
down Stairs in his aIu.s.
-" What would our wives say, il they know
where we are p said the Captain OF q scLoouer
IN ~ va ha1t- nfcrf iy,n Foc.
fearful Of gong ashore. HumPh, I shouldn't
mind thai replied tho Mate, "if we only knew
where we were ourselves"
We are told that 500 yearB ago ladies' comb
cd their Aair just a3 tloy do to-day. This won't
do in . civilized land and amoug observing peo-
pie Ihreo hundred years ago laGics Used 70
comb their hair On thcir tca5s-now they hang
it orer the hack Of d chair to comb it.
-Redncments OF modern speec,. Female
Exquisite Quite uico bali q. Mrs. Mile
1cur'e. wasn't it?" Male ditto: Every quite.
Indeed, really most quite"
-. What il heavens best gift to man?"
night, smiling s;scctly on rlcassnt-looAing
clerk. " 4 hoss," replied tho young man, with
great prudeace.-Danbu,y E1,cs.
"A TitusGillo paper says :: Il 4 man called st
one of our stores and vaiulg essayed to get on
either numbers II, IT, OF IL shoes. Tho store.
keeper suggested tLat he should put on thinner
pair Of stockings an.l try on tLe box"
IL female At confession acknowledged thai
ths taSor F0Ef make m ebaf m fsSs
vas ths answer. . But does il masc you rnots
beautiful" ''at least. holy fa:har, / think It
does" The prizes! took the peu:eIt out Of this
confessional iuto tto Light, anl looking in hos
fac=, observed: Madame, yoa NAV paint With
IA clergyman ~ Tue examination OF tbs
young scholars OF his SunJsy-scLool. put tho
following questions: *''7hy did tko rrs >'7 -
lnrea1 SCI up golden calf'" ''Eecs.-~ :noy
reply OF i.tle chap. who took dol!ar-and-cents
view OF the mat.er.
During Col. Tom Scott's recent visit TO our
city, he Was hailed on tho Eject by little boot
The Colonel pleasantly shook his finger at him.
saylr5: My boy, a1n no Lo=s." The lltuo
raif awuag his boz over Lis shoulder, aud, eCo-
lnE the great raliroad King from Lead to foot r.
Piled: You're boss OF yer noots ain't yer -
s. Louis Eiobc.
An English gentleman, tho other da5, who
ras addicted to tho exceedingly rerrehenslble
habit OF always asking his friends to 7aItsae OF
casual stimul:nts, Aad OH several cccasioas IN
'1ted ateetotal friend, Who k.d refuse1, bat
way. One day, therefore, tho Good Templar
seized Lis cou4paaioa's arms Wien passing
Eoat-o1ice, and SAID, "Co1os i'll Ee-e, r1y dear
boy, and ha7o sixpenn 'ortl, Of pos:sssc-stanpH."
"A policeman in Detroit heard t:lAt cl!izen
Of Twelfth street hstl been badly injured, aid 20
called at tho Loaso to obtain pars;cu1als- Ho
found tho man lying OF the lounge, las he'd
bound up aad his face badly scratched. He
aakcd: 1'Wuat'a tho noa:te-:-da be got run
over O. fall downstairs ;" "Eo, not e1act!;,'
replied his vfe; ''La: lie wanted to cun the
house Ills way, ead wanted to run it my way
Ind there lie is"
On 4 broken egcsheD.-1nspired beings
u Whence. Oh whence, ladies', ,wLeEee, oh Whauce,
:.mo the marvellous instinct that prompted tho
n:uu.o boiag originally continued in this fragile
shell to burst the c:lca.eous envelope that se.
:.1.1el it from the s!orica of tho outs1rd
ro7l1:" Cho-us CT a,l:ai-:n3 la;!:es: "Wlence,
ii WHENCE indeed, 1Tr. uono:co:ab ?" H:st3!!
Tommy: "p;rha2s tha little begssr WAS afrald
as'd tc boiled"
A doctor always treated his juvenile patients
ror worns," whatever 1n st !:a2oen to be shelr
ono dsg' be.ss c;l!e1 to boy ,aS "ho
y1a suffering seye-t]5, be frlt tho pulse. ana.
ooking a. tho mother, with eo:aEln shake o.
hc Lsad. said. 'sMornas, M la,n worms.
Now, Doctor" said ths no:ler. sit isns
Forns at'all, tell 80; tha. boy fsll do1a On
no rood-pils snd b.oke his leg, and ra-! ron
o stop crying *woszos and Sc: it in:znediasaly
4a.h !" aaid tho Doctor, determined nc. 10 be
rat DOWN, "Nor.ns N tho GOOD. r2ala1ni