The Findlay Jeffersonian. [volume] (Findlay, Hancock County, Ohio) 1870-1881, 1874-05-08
SeIfrt Sturp.
BILL ANDTdE WIDOW.
ALAUGHABLE STORY

the table into the bright eyes of his nea
little wife, wouldn't it be a good iok
to get bachelor Bill Smiley 10 take wild
ow Watson to Barnum's show mex
weekT'
You can't do it. Ed; he won't asI
her; he's so awful shy. Why, he cam
by here the other morning when ! was
hanging out some clothes, and he look
ed over the fence and spoke, but wheI
shook out a night gown he blushet
like girl and went away" .
Il think / can manage it, said Ed
''but I'll have to lie just a little. But
then it wouldn't be much harm under
the circumstances, for know she likes
him, and he don't dislike her; but as
you say, he's so shy. I'll just go over to
his place to borrow some bags of him.
and if / don't bag him before | come
back, don't kiss Inc for week, Nelly.
So saying, Ed. started, and while he
is moving the fields, we will take a look
at Bill Smiley. He was rather a good
looking fellow, though his hair and
whiskers showed some gray hairs. and
he had got in set of artificial teeth. =
But everyone said he was a good soul,
and so he was. He had as good hun
dred acre farm as any in Norwich, with
a new house and everything coInforta-
bic and if he wanted wife, many girl
would have jumped at the chance like a
rooster on a grass-hopper. But Bill was
| so bashful-always was-and when Susan
Berrybottle, who he was so sweet on,
though he never said ''boo" to her. got
married to old Watson, he Just drawed
| in his head like a mud turtle into his
| shell, and there was no getting him out
| again, though it had been noticed that
| since Susan had become widow he had
paid more attention to his clothes, and
had been very regular in attendance at
the church the fair widow attended.
But here comes Ed Wilbur.
''Good morning, Mr.. Smileym ~
''Good morning, Mr.. Wilbur, whats
the news your way?"
''Oh, nothing particular, that know
of, said Ed, ''only Barnum's show, that
everybody is talking about, and every
body and his girl is going too. l was over
to old Sockrider's last night, and | see
his son Gus. has got new buggy, and
was scrubbing up his harness, and he's
got that white faced colt Of his as slick
as a seal. | understand he thinks of
taking widow Watson to the show.
He's been hanging around there a good
deal of late, but I'd just like TO cut him
out. | would. Susan is nice little
woman, and deserves a better man than
that yOnng pup of a fellow, though
would not blame her much either, if she
takes him, for she must be dreadful lone
some, and then she has to let her farm
out on shares, and it isn't half worked,
and no one else seems to have the spunk
to speak up to her. By iingol if were
were a single man I'd show trick or
two"
So saying Ed. borrowed some bags and
started around the corner of the barn,
where he had left Bill sweeping, and put
his ear to a knot-hole and listened,
knowing the bachelor had habit of
talking to himself when anything wor-
ried him.
''COnfound that young Brigrider."
said Bill, ''what business has he there
I'd like to know Got a new buggy, has
hel Well, so have /, and new harness
too! and his horse can't get in sight of
mine; and declare I've half mind to
yes, l will I'll go this very night
and ask her to go to the show with me.
III show Ed. Wilbur that | amt such
calf as he thinks / am, if | did let old
Watson get the start of Ine in the first
place!"
Ed. could scarce help laughing out
right, but he hastily hitched the bags on
his shoulder, and with low chuckle at
his success, started home to tell the news
to Nelly; and about five o'clock that
evening they saw Bill go by with his
horse and buggy on his way to the
widows. He logged along quietly,
thinking of the old singing school days
and what a pretty girl Susan was then
and wondering inwardly if he would
have the courage now to talk up TO her,
until at distance of about Il mile from
her house he came to a bridge-over a
large creek-and it so happened that
Just as he reached the middle of the
bridge, he gave a tremendous sneeze and
blew his teeth out of his mouth, and
clear over the dashboard, and striking
on the planks they rooled over the side
of the bridge and dropped into four feet
of water.
Words cannot do justice to poor Bill
or paint the expression of his face as he
sat tthere-completely dumbfounded at
his startling piece of ill-luck. After
awhile he stepped out of his buggy and
getting down on his knees, looked over
into the water. "Yes, there they Were"
at the bottom with a crowd of little
fishes rubbing their noses against them,
and Bill wished to goodness that his nose
was as close for one second His beau
tiful teeth that had cost him so much
and the show coming and;n ;no time to get
another set-and the widow and young
Sockrider. Well, he must try and get
them somehow-and no time to lose, for
some one might come along and ask him
what he was fooling around there for.
He had no notion of spelling his good
cloths by wading in with them on, and
besides, if he did that he could not goto
the widows that night, so he took look
up and down the road to see that no one
was in sight, and then quickly undressed
himself, laying his clothes in the buggy
to keep them clean. Then he ran around
to the bank and waded into the almost
icy cold water, but his teeth did not
chatter in his head-he only wished they
could. Quietly he waded along so as
not to stir up the mud, and when he got
to the right spot he dropped under the
water and came up with his teeth in his
hand and replaced them in his mouth.
But hark, What noise is thatl 4 wagon,
and a little dog barking with all his
might, and his horse Is starting. ''Whoa.
Whoa! Stop you brute you, stop" But
stop he would not, but went off at a
spanking pace with the unfortunate
bachelor after him, and the little dog
yelping after the bachelor. Bill was GER
tainly in capital running costume, but
though he strained every nerve, he
could not touch the buggy or reach the
lines that were dragging on the ground.
Alter while his plug hat shook off
tAat, and the hind wheel went over
it, making it as fiat as pancake. Bill
snatched it as he run, and after jam
ming his fist into it, stuck it, all dusty
and dimpled, on his head. And now he
saw the widows house on the hill, and
what, oh what would he dOl Then his
coat fell out, he slipped it on, and then
making a desperate squirt, he clutched
the back of the seat and scrambled IN,
and pulling the buffalo robe over his
legs, stuffed the other things beneath.
Now the horse happened TO be one that
he got from Squire Moore, and he got 1t
from the widow, and he took it into his
head to stop at her gate, which Bill had
no power 20 prevent, as he had not pos
session of the reins, besides he was too
busy buttoning his coat up to his chin
| to think of doing much else. The wild
ow heard the rattle of the wheels and
looked out, and seeing that it was SIni-
ley, and that he did not offer to get out,
she went to the gate to see what he
wanted, and there she stood chattering
with her white arms on the top of the
1 20 e. oh rd