Omaha daily bee., 1874-07-15
fhs ry-An Excellent Substitute for IN
Alarm Clock-Hs iSx Bsnsfsctor
Of Mankind.

cious fly supplies the place OF an
alarm clock in the early hours OF
the morning. You know how it is
yourself. You leon your back or
side, as the case may be, endeavor-
ing to snooze till breakfast time,
but find it impossible to do so on ac-
count of the continued attacks OF
that COMPOUNDED fly. He rises with
the sun, and begins work at once.
Surveying the territory, he discov-
ers his victim peacefully sleeping,
perfectly oblivious of everything,
and devoid of all covering except
the accustomed night-shirt. The
fly pounces down on your limbs,
and it is not long before you wake
I'D and give a kick or a slap at the
impudent rascal. He calls again.
and you go for him a second time
with renewed vigor, and if you r
at all profane, ten chances to n
that you'll say: "d-n that n.y."
You now draw The sheet up over
your unprotected limbs, and at
tempt to drop asleep again, thinking
you've defeated the persevering
nuisance. He circles around the
room once, sharpens up his pick
axe, and then lights down on your
nose and it is not long before you
nose it. You elongare your mouth,
give a blow, a sort of "shoo fly"
hurricane, and off he skips. Sever
al times you 60 through this modus
operdndi, your patience each time
growing less. You strike at him,
you turn over, and at last cover
your Lead up with the sheet, just
sticking your nose out enough to
get a breath of fresh air. But that
fly won't let that lose alone. He
drops on it again. You are mad now
-red-hOt-bOiling over. "Helen
Blazes," you exclaim, "won't that
fly ever let up"
The fly, imagining that Helen
Blazes, whoever she may be, is com:
ing to your assistance, takes a shor'
rest. But when be tackles thai
nose again, you deliberately pull
your nose under the canvass, salts
fed now that you will be left alone
Not 50. He buzzes around you
head, and and huns drums. He set
ties on the sheet, directly over you
ear, and plays a lively tune, waiting
for you to run your nose out for
moment to obtain q sniff OF tresl
air. He's on time, and collide
with the nose. The next mOmen
you give a bound, strike the floor
dress up, look at your watch ant
find it is just five o'clock. 70,
take a morning walk, cussing tn
fly at first, but finally praising hin
up as being a first-claSs -substitut
for an alarm clock. Soon yo'
meet acquaintance, who hav
undoubtedly been driven on
in the same manner as your
self, or it may be that they hav'
been more severely treated than yOl
have, namely, by the buzzing flyan'
providing bed bug combined. The.
congratulate you on being an earl,
riser, and you return the compii
ment, and remark that "the earl.
bird catches the worm"
After conve. sing briefly on tn
fine morning, and agreeing that tn
early hours of the day are the mos
enjoyable out of the twenty-four
you pass on, happy in the though
! that you have given your acquain
tances the impression that you ar
a voluntary early riser. You nov
!, think better of that fly. You fee
refreshed by the clear, cool, insigOr
-ating morning air. "Bully fly, com
again." you are almost led to ex
claim.
Ry the TIME you 60 to breakfas
you've given up the idea of purehas
ing a mosquito bar to enclose you
bed, to protect you from the indus
trious fly. You hope he'll visit vol
every morning and drive you on
into the air, and We can safely sa.
that your hopes are invariably real
ized during the whole period of fly
time. Thus it will BE seen that tn
fly, after all, is o useful bird. IL
may get swamped in your butte
frequently; he may take a swim oc
casionally in your milk, water, cot
fee, tea, or stronger turntables h
may make his mark on your win
dow, your silverware, furniture
&C., but we think he fully eompen
safes you for all these impuden
little peccadilloes by acting as 1
q most effecrive alarm clock, thu
making an early riser out Of you,ant
giving to you health, activity, am
bition, and a light heart, and what
more, pray, al you ask than those
blessings, which combine to make
you bappy?7 Surely, then, you ear
not help admitting that the fly Is &
benefactor of mankind, and like
great many other apparently useless
busy bodies, was created for some
good purpose. Good morning, Mr.
Fly, come sgain, and wake us early
tomorrow.