The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-09-29
The 9@ailr Arsns.
NOTES HERE AND THERE.

| n 6n6 AND AaHnEs
What the barber said when his wife
fell down stairs-RGor.
early to bed and early to rise will all
be in vain if you don't advertise.
When does the wind need reproof2
When it whistles through the house
When boys stand on their heads they
appear to occupy false position in the
world
He that maketh every man his enemy
is fool he that has no enemies is a sim.
pleton.
Josh Billings says. "Tew enjoy good
reputashun, give publicly and steal pri-
vately."
The butcher will be offended, We sup
pose if we call base ball a bat war, but
we'll risk it.
Mrs. Lovejoy, aged sixty-eight, resi-
ding near Baldwin City, Kan, gave birth
to boy few days since.
Third term tcket-For president,
Z. S. Grant for vice president, William
Pitt kellogg Harrisburg Patriot.
The cool nights necessitate the closing
of windows and doors, and now it is not SO
easy to go where ones love lies dreaming.
-"Artaxerxes, my boy" said Mr. Mar
rowfat remember the dying words Of
Socrates never marry woman that
kicks sideways "
1t doesn t make meat any tenderer
to pound the beef before you kill it, else
we might smother some of our better
feelings for our teeths sake
That person who strives to assume
character for which he is not fitted, either
by instinct or education, succeeds only in
making himself ridiculous.
The only thing that it bothers grass
hopper to swallow is four legged table
A well developed hopper can worry it
down, but the legs tickle his throat
Somebody is responsible for the story
that Moline ladies are becoming more and
more in the habit of sleeping in their cor
sets, for the purpose OF keeping their
figures good. If this is true, Moline ladies'
will not be as numerous lew years hence.
Wives of candidates for sheriff com
plain that husbands keep them awake
nights talking in their sleep and saying,
"What'l Il you take? Step up boys, come
Dan, Jim, Ed, Mac, Fitz, Ben, Pat, the
whole of ye. Gimme some whiskey."
Domestic Revelation Bags got up
too early one morning, and began to scold
the servant girl. His little six-year,old,
who had been listening attentively during
the conversation, broke in with, Father
stop scolding; you needn't think that
James your wife.
"A lady was recently engaging new
cook, and had apparently settled details |
when the domestic inquired
How many other servants do you keep, |
ma am p Two, was the reply. "Oh, |
then, your place won't suit me, ma m, as l
always like game of whist of an evening,
and don't like playing dummy.
The pride of ancestry is pardonable
only in those families who can trace their |
predigree back by an unbroken chain to
the original baboon from which they
sprang, and prove that he sat upon the
his cacoanuts over the heads of the inferior
that occupied the lower branch
eS.
"A farmer took his wife to a grand
and after listening with apparent
the pair became suddenly in
terested in one of the choruses, IAN we,
like sheep, have gone astray First, a
sharp soprano voice exclaimed; "All we,
like sheep, Next. deep voice utter
ed, in the most earnest tone: "All we,
like sheep" Then all the singers at
once asserted: "Al we, like sheep"
Well, | don't, exclaimed old Rusticus to
his partner II like beef and bacon, but
| cant bear sheep meat" There was an
audible litter in that vicinity, but the
splendid music attracted attention from
the pair, and they quickly slipped out.