The Republican. [volume] (Maryville, Tenn.) 187?-187?, 1874-08-01
FACTS AND PANCIES.

match because he said she had foot
like a Iaisin box,
"A Boston man boldly declares that
If he couldn't get out Of Philadelphia
any other way he would cheerfully
crawl into mortar and be shot out OF II.
-"I wonder il it's sea a-sickness that
makes sailors always heaving up an
chors - exclaimed Aunt Hepzlbah, as
she looked thoughtfnlly up from her
morning paper.
A little boy OF our acquaintance q
few days ago, after attentively watch
ing a couple of industriously inclined
bugs, remarked that even the bugs had
got to playing marbles.
-" New, Sammy, tell me, have you
read the story of Joseph ?" "Oh, yes,
uncle" "Well, then, what wrong did
they do when they sold their brother? ?"
"They sold him too cheap, l think"
Ont of one hundred and eighty.two
boys in the Connecticut reform school,
the superintendent reports that one hun
dred and eighty are liars. The proposal
now is to educate the entire lot of 'em
for the profession of the law.
1t will render your daily routine OF
ife more balmy to be made aware of
the fact that hydrophobia can be COM
municated by dog that is not mad,
and hat the disease may suddenly start
from bite twenty years old.
An elderly clergyman of Chicago,
when asked the other day why he had
never married, replied that he had spent
his lifetime in looking for a woman who
would refrain from working him pair
of slippers, and he had never found her.
"A Brooklyn young womon, who
abandoned her old husband, says a" He
was too soft. / couldn't be hugging
and kissing him all the while--it isn't
my disposition. couldn't bear to be
obliged to sit on his lap and cuddle him
every time / wanted cent"
Walt Whitman's ode to the st.
Louis bridge:
Lo bridge at st. Louis
Stretched from the bungs of multiplicated
beer kegs
Already overpassed by feet that could not be
excelled in Chicago (Which he WAS an
elephant),
Star-ioyed with the mulhtudinous expecta-
tions of the whereas and wherefore.
Fer it string serpent hued myrsds
And lightning girded monstrosities of all
kinds
Down through the anti-spasmodic whirls of
catelepsies,
Dumfounding, bsmboozling all, even the Here
after,
In an unmitigated extension Of the eulmina-
tion Of Cillduraigo
"A person wants to be careful, OF
course, but where in the crown of ones
hat can one find room for a slip contain
ing directions for the treatment of a
drowning man. compendium OF rules
for avoiding hydrophobia, a string of re-
medies for sunstruke, and ones fire
alarm card Nobody but paper hanger
could do the job well.
An Illinois paper Says; " MIR. A.
W. Sheltan came into this office the
other day with one side of his face bad
ly swollen and one eye greatly infamed,
caused, as he says, by the poison of
potato bug. He struck bug with
piece of lath, and some Of the "juice"
struck his face near his eyelid. Two
physicians attending him consider the
bug much more powerful as blistering
agent than Spanish flies.
"A Burlington, Iowa, board of trade
man got into trouble by letting his busi-
ness weigh too heavily on his mind the
other night. His wife heard him MUIR
mur in his sleep, ELLA, dear Ella"
fondly and tenderly, and as her name is
Mehitable, she woke him with the bald
end of the hair brush, and asked him,
Who?" "I was thinking of Ella
Vator," the wretched man said calmly,
and chuckled off to sleep again.
"A young man, who had spent a lit
tie of his own time and great deal of
his fathers money in fitting for the bar,
was asked, after his examination, how
he got along. ooh, well enough"
said he; al answered one question
right" "Ah, indeed !'' said the old
gentleman, with looks of paternal salts
faction at his sons peculiar smartness;
"and what was it? "They asked me
what qui tune action was" "That
was hard one, and you answered it
did you?" eyes; 1 told
them 1 did not knew"
On cruise the sailors saw comet
and were somewhat surprised and
alarmed at its appearance. Tho hands
met and appointed committee to wait
on the commander and ask his opinion
of it. They approached him and said
" We want to ask your opinion, your
honor" "Well, my boys, what is it
about2 eve want to inquire about
that thing up there" Now, before
answer you, first let me know what you
think it is y "Well, your honor, we
have talked it all over, and we think it
is star sprung leas."