, 1874-02-01
HUNIOE.

HUMOR.
4 singular instance of skepticisrn is recorded
in tho case OF i man who eaid tie Bible vas "too
good to be true"
The Mo1ristown (Tenn.) Herald gives this
definition OF "Christmas grcens:" "Editors who
give fye-dollar puff for donar-and-a-half tur-
key"
An unmarried man died recently near Bos-
ton, aged so years, graduate Of Harvard With
diploma, . bachelor by celibscyy, and Bachelor by
the whole batch.
-Tallzing about upsctting sleighs, Wicks re-
marked to 3 young lady he was taking out to
drive, IS always pick out the softest place can
when upset my Sleigh" She replied, why, I
should think it would grow monotonous, always
falling on your head"
"A earcastic gentleman Was Mr. Van Dyke. Of
New Hampshire, who, leaving $4,000 to his
hcirs hoped none OF them t'wou1l shuttle and
ehed crocodile tears ut his funeral." "cover
me up," said tho dying lcgator. and then hurry
home to fight over my money"
Within the last three months the President
has appointed thirty Posrmistresses. Tho con-
sequences ni6 6ht have been anticipated. Twenty
seven of them have already notified their hus-
bands that their services are no longer required.
--ErooAIyn Argus.
miner fond OF whisky took drink by mistake Of
quicksilver, but We are not willing to believe in
tI1a accompanvipg statement, that 81 The miner
has BEEN kept busy ever since breathing on
pancs Of glass to convert them into mirrors
Tho San Francisco Necs Letter has settled
it that Isaiah was an lrishman. It's reasoning il
as follows "Wo think there is internal evil
dence enough to demonstrate to the satisfaction
Of any candid reader TINT Isaiah Was an Irish
mnn. Take single example (lsaiah xxxvii, 36),
And when they arose early in the morning they
were all dead coEpses.
>;r1x An
these remarks upon the soul-saving question: !:
tsMy brethren, q man cannot afford to lose his
soul. He's got but one. and he can't get an
other. # man losos his horse, he can get an-
other; if man loses his wife, he can get
another If he loses his child, ho can get an
other but il he loses his soul-good- bye John.'
Some useful 1eEEou or example may be
found in the most simple occurrences. At the
Terre Haute depot, recently, IN old lady at
tempted to get off while tho cars were in mo-
vented her. ''Let her CO." exclaimed kind
warning to somebody elHe."
"A yaitcr in a st. Louis restaurant Vas asked
lust finished q bowl of oyster soup. ..What do
you want with toothpick 7" querled the waiter,
who had cultivated considerable familiarity with
all the customers. ~ want to pick an oyster
from my teeth" Q, no, you don't! There was
only one oyster in that SOUP, end ats that on
nv way from the kitchen!"
Tho late DR.. hlacadam used to tell Of atlpsy
Scotchman making his way home on bright
Sunday morning, when the good folk we're wend-
ing their wav to the kirk l. little dog pulled
the ribbon from the hand Of a lady who Was
leading it, and as it ran away from her she ap-
pealed to tho first passer BY asking him to Whls-
tla for her poodle s'Wonnn," he rcto1ted with
that solemnity of vieage which only drunken
scotchman can assume. " Woman, this Is not q
4 cross-eyed man cast . gloom over q De-
troit car By asking one OF the seven men, and
s,rangers on the opposite seat, III he had
any chewing -tobacco handy" First, the seven
strangers looked At each other: Then TIC seven zen
hands went pocketwasd and, observing this
motion, each OF tho seven supposed his nelsh-
bor the ono spoken to, and the seven handa
returned empty. The cross-eyed man cast
ricochet glance of indignation along the line,
and, with tie remark, s~ees-seenteo 4os
of generous roosters," took chew OF his own
tobacco.
mnn made brief address to the pupils OF the
necessity of obeyipg their teachers and growing
m Ioyal aud useful citizens. 10 emphasize bis
ra1nafks, he pointed to large national flag
spread on one side OF the room, and inquired,
ssRoyg, what is that flag for :" little urchin,
Who understood the condition OF the house bet
ter than the speaker, promptly answered. 10
MG1ace Greenwood, in late letter, decribes
tvn;cal "poor-white" family OF Missouri, care
1sss Us ahiftless and intoleraby lazy, the daugh-
ters @ of which were accustomed to go barefoot
till the soles of their feet BECAME @ ., nda tbaa S
iadits. M &c On coming home one day from long
t-amn in the rain after the COWS, WAS standing on
the '1p hearth Al h drying her clothes, vhen her old
mother drawled ont Sal i;ott1- tm,ned her
ruder-ye1-foot-' The g1rl 9nshlls ~. tu,nsu un-
my?"