Litchfield enquirer., 1874-12-24
CLiPPSN c 6.

A fast musician-One who plays too forte.
 Fhe fourth of n man-A quarter -mas- ter.
 The butcher is mightier than the pen. No church is too weak to take up col lection.
 No Chinaman has ever yet become book agent.
 ''The Beautiful Blue Danube" is a mud dy, yellow fraud.
 A mother-in-law ill the house is a we'll spring of iawy.
 Time will only hang up his scythe when he IS no mower.
 Jonah was stranger among whales, and they took him in.
 A man cannot expect half loaf when he loafs all the time.
 What is the largest room in the world? The room for improvement.
 The proper salutation when you meet a writing master is, ''How do you fiourish?" A Minnesota man makes the winter seem short by giving his note payable in the spring.
 A French preacher describes hell as place where they talk politics all day. ~ It is impossible to have the last word with a chemist, because he always has retort.
 Governor Peck, of Vermont. is bach elor. Marrying would make half bushel of hlm.
 When man aint good for anything else, he is about right to sit on jury.
 Voluntary abduction is what West ern newspaper calls an elopement.
 We arc told nothing was maid in vain: but how about fashionable girl? Isn't she maiden vain.
 If young ladies don't want to get stout let them finger over their meals. Haste makes waist.
 A queer old chap in town has hickman ed his daughter Misery, because she loves company.
 What IS the difference between mouse and the toothache? One eats cheese. the other cheats ease
 The man who sang, "Oh! breathe no more that simple air." went into the smoking car, where it was more mixed. It will be the policy of the Democratic party to give every girl in the land sew ang machine. and feller also.
 A Virginia bridegroom over seven feet high is announced. The affair created considerable sensation, but it is believed she only married him to go chest-nutting with. A wag. in ''what he knows about farm ing. gives a very good plan to remove widows weeds. He says good looking man has only to say "wilt thou" and they wilt. A Philadelphia lady was thrown from her carriage, and having alighted on her chlgnOn her life was spared. And vet they talk of abolishing the dear old life preservers.
 An Iowa father, who has succeeded in raising seventeen of the worst children in his neighborhood, says he is bound to have a representation in Heaven if if takes seventeen moro.
 An adroit thief who abstracted an os- tentatiCusly displayed check for thou dollars from the gifts at a wedding the other day, only to find that the old mans balance in the bank was fur dollars and fifty cents, thinks there is no chance for honest industry.
 Aparty of Sioux Indians stole a patent ice-cream freezer, thinking it was a hand organ. and all the big medicine men turn ed the crank a week before they conclud- ed there no music in it.
 At the recent Alabama election, a stur- dy son of the mountains came into town to exercise his right as free sovereign oi free State, and cast his vote for the man of his choice. He approached the polls and handed in his ticket.
 What is the name," asked one of the judges.
 Johnson" was the reply.
 "Yes. but what Is your other name?"
 The mountaineer became indignant md declared that he had butt one name evidently thinking the official took him for a repeater.
 ''Yes, but what is your Christian name?" said the judge.
 My Christian name?" replied the old backwoodsman. "Why, if you want $ know that. why, I am a Baptist"
 And SD the Tnav and yotn ~voS rao; ska~