Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-03-20

Generally Speaking-Women.
Spring Water-April showers

Spring Water-April showers
A chest .protector-A good paddock.
A great hardship-An iron steamer.
Pressed for time-Egytian mummies.
A standing nuisance-Corner loafers.
All flowers of speech spring from tu-
lips.
The largest room in the wOrld-The
room for improvement.
/ Ifthinc enemy wrong thee, buy each Of
his children drum.
Be temperate in diet Our first parents
ate themselves out Of house and home.
A great deal of time is contracted In
opportunity, which is the flower of time.
A Troy fellow ate four pounds of fruit
cake in fifteen minutes on a wager. 1t
is melancholy 10 think he still lives.
Good resolutions, born on New year,
usually go to the Internal pavement on
the 9Th of January.
The oyster, if let alone, lives 200 years.
But he is not let alone, and his living
don't amount to much anyhow.
True goodness is like the glow-worm,
1t shines most when no eyes except those
of heaven are upon it.
Advice is like snow, the sOfter it falls,
the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper
it sinks into the mind.
Most arts require long study and ap-
pllcation but the most useful art OF all,
that of pleasing, requires only the desire.
How many apples did our first parents
cat in the garden OF Edens-Eve and
Adam 2.
A lady asked q veteran which rifle car
riei the maximum distance. The old
chap answered, The MIME mum
When the waiter passed Spicer some
very old cheese at the hotel table, the 9th
er day, he responded: not mite.
The Congregationalist explains what 1t
means by lightning bug piety"-Bright
while it lasts but cold and soon out.
When We are alone, we have our
thoughts to watch, in the family our
tempers, and in company our tongues
Hannah More. g
The average extent Of woman's life is
twenty five years Some however, after
| they are married, reach the advanced age
of thirty-five
A New England boy thinks Heaven
place where he can buy two oranges
for cent. But lie can't conceive where
he is to get the cent.
A clergyman of Springfield, who hat
bad habit of adding "ah" to many o
his words, told, last Sunday, of those wht
had been brought up on the Lords side-ab
Count Cagliostro was thirty.6ye hun
dred years old, according to his owl
story But they made it hot for hir
when he went down there.-Indianapolis
Sunday Herald.
A Dutch Congressman remarked ::
Ven vas elected thought would find
dem all Solomons down here but found
dere vas some as pick fools here as NINE
| selt
Two little girls were comparing pro-
gress in catechism study. have got
to original sin, said one; how far have
you got? Me? Oh, I'm beyond REDEEM,
ton, said the other.
A cheese, weighing 1890 pounds, ma
| lu OucIu6 W. Az. l W oS SosPfSA ~ ~
don recently, made on . special order EE
I CHRISTMAS snow; ~ ,UUO pounds OF m1&
were consumed in making.
In New Orleans, few days ago{
thief was ornamented with a card bck.
ing the words, "Hotel Thief" and We
then taken to all the hotels and exhibited
SO that he might be known again.
Col Blood, one of ,Woodhulrs husbands
went up stairs to thrash the editor q the
St. Paul Press, but an ink keg struc.
him in the stomach and he rolled to the
sidewalk and went off.
Ancient lady-"Let me drive you,
Miss Sharp. 1t is quite in my way, and
l can't bear to think of your walking
home all alones" Modern ditto-"Oh,
1 don't mind walking bit, thanks
Besides, want 10 smoke.
A lady asked pupil at public ex-
animation of Sunday school, What was
the sin OF the Phariseess Eating es-E
main, was the quick reply. She hal
that the Pharisees strained at gnat
swallowed camels."
Irascible old man-Conductor,
didn't you wake me as asked you
Here l am, miles beyond my station.
Conductor did try, sir, but all could
get out of you, was, "All right, Maria
get the children their breakfast, and III
be down in minnie"
An Irishman's idea of finances is
happily illustrated by the following anec-
dote: III put my money in the savings
bank, when can I get it out again?" asked
Pat. "Och said Mike. sure an if you
put it in, to day, you can draw it out to-
morrow by giving sixty days notice"
As the shell taken from its home in {
depths of the ocean, still murmurs OF tn
sea, so conscience, in the heart o.
still gives the true voice of its <
though far removed from the Dr.
source.
Contcrtment abides with trtt.
you will generally suffer for wi
ppcar other than you are, wi
be richer, or greater, or more
The mask soon becomes an instr
torture.
1t is our nature to rejoice. ,vt>
within and without is undistuk$.
, miracle is, ITO rejoice in trE
and this miracle is continually
as the believer is passing throu
wilderness
Two great mistakes among ms
are, to measure truth by every
single reason, and not only to wisi
body like ones self, but to belicvt
so too, and that they are only d
in what they differ from us.
An ingenious wife in Des Moine e
her husband Of snoring thus: s.
gutta percha tube with two c.
ends; one she puts over his
mouth, and the other over his e.
consumes his own noise, as asst
its smoke, and wakes up instant
Gail Hamilton says, piously:
can 60 into an airy, pleasant CHI
down in peace among his T.
neighbors, and fall softly asre.
sonnd Of holy words from holy lips, with:
out great gain to the life that now is, and
believe and trust, with no loss to tha,
which is to come.
Said Lord John Russell to Hume, q,
a social dinner "What do you conside,
the object oflegislation ?" "The greatest
kood to the greatest number" "Nhat
do you consider the greatest number =
} continued his lordship. Number one,
my lord" was the cOmmOner's prompt