The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1874-03-13
Civilization a Failure.

CIVILIZATION FAILURE.
There is no concealing the fact That
we humans are not only prone to 50 bear
the ills we have" but are inclined to
turn up our noses st the wells of our
ancestors. 1t Is the old story of the fox
that lost his tail, one of the very few
fables that have grain of sense In their
bushels of morality. I can remember
the case of Cornish miner who re-
ceived, in friendly rOugh-and-tumble in
a public house, a kick from a highly
civilized boot somewhere In the region
of the diaphragm. He doubled up like
a -knife-you almost thought you
heard the snap-and when afterward
4" undOnbled by a process something
resembling the opening of an obstinate
oyster, he gasped out, "Never mind
-I-rather like il.
Humanity is very like that miner. 1t
has received violent blow from civili-
cation in the very center of comfort,
but it gasps, or squeaks, or shrieks
that it thinks civilization is bliss.
But, my dear sir, or madam, you
know in your heart of hearts it is nuis-
ance! To take only the very modern in
stances, what has civilization done for
the inhabitants of Polynesia? 1t has
introduced smallpox, drunkenness, mis-
sionaries, and other mortal illnesses.
And our ancestors, the ancient Britons.
suffered in Just the same way from the
civilization which was forced upon them
by our invaders. Civilization, by the
by, is an awful liar Ithas taught us to
talk about the virgin soil of this isle,
and Britons who never have been and
never will be slaves, and soil which the
foot of no invader, etc. and all the
while, considering the advantages of pO-
sition as an island, we have been more
invaded-and conquered-than most
people. But 1 could forgive those who
conquered us, if they had only abstained
from civilizing us too
Oh, happy days, when each family
grew its own wood in its back yard, and
tailors' and dress-makers' bills were
unknown. &c Slightly cold considering
our climate p" Yes, but you forget,
that in those days civilization had not
extirpated the wolf, who was useful not
only because you could clothe yourself
in his skin in winter, but because he
kept down the surplus population, by
eating any of your young family who
were in excess of the demand.
But the cruelest wrong that civiliza-
ton has inflicted on mankind is tooth
ache, painless extraction, new sets, and
| instant cures. Civilization is, to put 1t
! shortly, neither more nor less than neu-
/ ralgia When wild in the woods the no
BILE savage ran, he never knew what
| toothache was. Look at the splendid
| grinders TO be seen in the exhumed
skull of any aborigine, who was happy
enough to die before civilization intro
| duced him to hot drinks like tea and
| coffee. Not a sign of decay in those
! grinning deVil-mecaries bits of ivory.
! And as for neuralgia, those happy PEG
! pie never had nerves-they were blessed
/ with gang-lions, like that caterpillar,
which you may cut in half if you like,
whereupon the first half will go cheer
| fully about its business, and the second
half would follow it, only, having lost
it's head, it does not know which way to
go.
No toothache and neuralgia are the
elements of civilization. Who ever
heard of Ohingachgook using Bunter's
nervine Who could picture Pocahon-
tas with o poultice of camomile and
| poppy-heads History-which is an
other product of civilization, and I'll
take your opinion upon it when yor
have accurately given the succession
with date } of the kings of England
has no records of dental torture till Wa
come to the very civilized reign of John
"You don't think John very civilized
monarch :"-pardon me, he got none.
from the Jews in spite of their teeth
and that's more than many civilized
young noblemen of the present day cal
succeed in doing. By the way, has any
body observed how his victims have car
ried out the Hebre law of Sc tooth TO
tooth IF not, a glance at the list @
advertising dentists will convince eve.
the most civilized of the truth of wha
. say.
I almost think that an anti-civilizatio
society might be started-it would b
; quite as sensible as a teetotal society, c
] an order of good templars. We woul
5 call it a society for the abolition {
e toothache, and that would draw ever.
] body-except the dentists.
2 am prepared to join, for I am
!. this moment suffering from civilizatio
1 in my left cheek. 1t makes interim
) tent rushes from its cell under my ey
e proceeds down a nerve in my cheek /
II cork-screw gyrations until it arrives at
It hollow tooth, of whichit takes temporal
, possession. It then proceeds, app
o rently, to fling all the furniture abo1
? the apartments, drives into the wal
d enough tenpenny nails to hang all Il
re pictures in the royal academy, and thu
rs retires, slamming the door
a don't like civilization.-LOnd,
IN Finn