The Placer herald., 1874-12-19
OLD JONES.

| Old Jones had so often read that "bread
cast upon the water would return" that the
old fool thought he would try it. lie watch
ed bis opportunity, and one morning, stole
all of his wife's baking, aud struck out foi
Flat Creek. He took eff his boots, and sat
down on the bank, and stuck his feet in the
water to cool 'em. He then, one by one,
threw out SIX loaves of his wifes best salt
rising into the creek, and they foated out OF
sight. knowing they would return. how
ever, he fell asleep, with his feet in the wa
ter. A hungry terapin. struck by the
freshness of his big toe, Immediately made Il
bite at it. Old Jones awoke and roared !,
when the terrapin, who knew his business,
shut right down on Jones toe, and coolly
awaited further events.
Jones danced around in his agony, but as
he had to Cop up and down toabout two hun
dred pounds of extra weights at the end of
his toe, he soon quit this foolshness, which
was exhiliraling exercise for the terrapin.
thought of ali the scrapes of Du Chiallu,
Robinson Cruso, Kit Carson, Henry Ward
Beecher, Buffalo Bill aud ell the dime novel
heroes he ever got into, but to save his life he
couldn't rememtls where one of them had
ever got into su p fix.
He looked down at his toe, and there was
the terrapin at the end of it, apparently hap
py, and determined to devote the ba nee oi
bis life to one thing-that big toe of Jones'.
And when he remembered that terrapins and
turtles live five hundred years, and men
tIa inf ,,b; ;.l,
inside the terrapn.
For the first time in his life, Jones felt like
lraying, but then he thought what figure
he d cut introducing himself to the Almighty,
with fullsized terrapin hanging to his toe,
would be to biz a thingf or divine grace
Then he thought Of the jaws of hell, and
wondered if they were as strong as that ter
rapin's
All of a sudden that terrapin took tighte:
squeeze, when Jones roared aloul with
pam. This taught the terrapin thing or
two, and finding every tight squeeze would
make his victim squalI he made old Jones
til the air with his cries.
Finally jones thought of a brilliant idea
He stood erect, and then bent down, after
some ironble inserted his fingers into the
terrapn's mouth, so by the united strength
of hand and feet he could tear his shell as
sunder and relieve himself.
But the terrapin understood the game, and
he just took double twist and clamped
down on his fingers and toes with grip Of
iron.
Jones could neither stand up, lie down,
nor do anything else but roll over and over
on the ground, shreking in his agony.
When Mrs Jones, like Mother Hubbard,
went to the cupboard was bare, she immedi-
a,ely knew that it was som, of old Jones fool
shness. So she grabbed the poker and
started after the old fool. She traced him
down to the creek, where she found him roll
ing over the grass and yelping like crazy
man.
She took in the situation at glance, and,
coolly seating herself on the grass, she said:
"You internal old fool ! What did you
do with my bread -
ooh, Mari ah For Gods sake help
me out of this fix p
"Mr. Jones, heven't you bin carryin' on
this foolshness nigh unto forty years, and
heven't you burnt the house over our head
with your foolish experiments which you
called sciences Now, sir, see what science
has got you inter, when darned snappin
turtle hez bound you hand and foot p
With that she aimed tremendous blow
at the terrapin, but which unfortunately
missed the terrapin, and struck old Jones on
the shin.
ooh, gosh! murder" roared Jones.
"Ma-ri-"
At this point Ms. Jones smashed the
terrapn with a second blow of the poker,
and set Jones free.
lie limped home slowly and sadly after
his wife, and now sits in the garret with
his foot and fingers in arnca, and wonders
who that man was that said, "Cast thy
bread on the waters, and after many days
it shall return"