The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-11-15
Advloo To Tatllcrs.

AQVAO0 Id Traitors.
The Augusta Chronicle and Sentinel
gives the following as a simple but
sure rooipe for making good lie:
When you wish to make lie set about
it in right fashion,
Fix it up in genteel style; cool, delibe-
rate. without passion.
Get your condiments of couue first
in proper cooking order
Do not pause to think with fear of the
great All-Wise Recorder!
If your object be to set all your neigh
bors by the ears,
To cause blood perhaps to flow, min
gled with the sighs and tears,
Firat go whisper Mrs. A. you have
wopdrons news to tell her,
Swear her, ere the wires you move, to
reveal not the propeller.
Put your arms about her neck, if you're
OF the ''she porsussion,"
Kiss her in the ''gushing" style fit for
serious occasion.
You regret-here wipe your eyes
she's deceived in Mrs. B..
Add: "She is your secret foe. but you
have true friend in me-"
1UA INV uAooOHu4oo VI huu ~, T.. anu
F. all get together,
First discussing for q while harmless
topiog, like the weather,
Babies, servants and the like, cruel
husbands not omitted,
But how all agreed, as one, she was
greatly to be pitied.
That her mother was to blame for e'er
having suoh q daughter,
Then che married, like a fool. when
she really '.'hadn't oughter.''
But how each one had salve for each
separate little blister,
This, with all her heinous fanlts, they
all "loved her like sie ter."
That her brother was knave, and her
father twas suspected
Broke the entire Decalogue when he
tried to get elected;
Then her children all were idiots-hint
her follies were the cause
How could one expect to prosper vio-
lating Hygeia's laws?
That she had the meanest spouse old
Dame Nature e'er invented,
How they (?) used the scalpel we'll, and
not even once relented,
When you begged them on your knees
not to be unjust and cruel
DO not tell when the fire tagged you
supplied them with fresh fuell
Do not make your lie too big for the
human throat to swallow;
Coax them gently to the mire. where
you wish them all to wailow;
Lead them kindly by the nose, tender
ly, and like lady
Push your ''soldiers" to the front-you
keep where tits cool and shadyl
You will need little aid to get up a
vast commotion,
Get some pious, good "old maid, F"
who will help you brew potion
That will drive the whole crowd crazy
envy-jealousy-exoite.
And the other Christian virtues (?) ne
cessA-y for fight.
1t will cost you time and labor. oil your
deA. old fathers canning,
Bat what do such trifes matter? You're
IN earnest-yon're not "fnnning," F."
You've lofty aim in view-a great
universal baltic,
That sold gentleman" to please
sire-who first invented "tattie."
Let your babies 90 uuwashed and your
husband minns dinners,
You've got holier work to do-runniup
"round" converting sinners.
Have your preaaher in the row-make
your deacons swell the riot;
Draw them all to ''dagger's points''-
that Yourself may profit by il!
Ruin all The girls you can-that's a
noble Christian virtue!
Pour this balm on breaking hearts
"Child, didn't mean to hurt you,
But I've told you what they say"-ahi
. my guileless little honey,
Thoy would crush you to the dust il
your ''daddy" had no money!
Part the husbands and the wives-
make 'em all go get divorces.
Those who want them-those who don t
never onoc say: Hold your
horsesl'
Keep'the steam up when yon start, If
You burst each separate boiler
Have your victims by the score ready
for the soythe and spoiIcr!
Are there boys and girls 80 silly as to
deem themselves 'in lover"
Get your favorite. Miss Grundy. now
to give the wires "a shove"
Here. one skilIful touch will sever
friendships chain in ruined parts,
You can ''fan yourself" and "glory" in
vOnr vaatth NJ hliohtad hoort.t