The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-07-31
soIssORINos.


Guilty or not guilty." asked a
Dutch Justice, Not guilty" "Den
vot de tyful do you here? Go about
NIT your pizness."
An amorous swain declares he is so
fond of his girl that he has rubbed
the skin from his nose by kissing her
shadow on the wall. A hopeless
case that.
"Why do you use paints" asked q
yiolinist of his daughter. "Tor the
same reason that you use rosin papa.
"How's thatH" "Why to help draw
my beau"
The real hero Of the Mill River dis
aster was the man whe risked his life
to save his mother-in, law. Hisname
is Tilton, and some one should put
him in poem.
A iacetipus citizen in particularly
playful humor the other day having
occasion to reprove his better half,
knocked her down with bible, re.
marking, Overcome evil with good"
A Plattsburg paperspeaks OF a gem
tleman Of that vicinity who recently
sold his wife and children to one Of
his neighbors for coat, pair of
second-handed pants and SIS in
cash.
talked with minion from her
Majesty's dominion. Says 1, "Whete
are you going?' Says he "To hide
hoe" Says 1, "Wbat are you going
to hide hoe forP' Says he, "1 did
not say hide hoe, / said hide hoe.''
Complexion clear as polished wax:
Her tongue as sharp as carpet tacks.
Her eyes dark, bewitching blue;
Her voice is pure, and high-toned,
too,
Her neck's like Annie Laurie's swan.
Her words you'd love to dwell upon.
Her teeth are pearly, clear, and
white;
You'd almost wish your ear she'd
bite.
An Irishman who was troubled
with tho toothache, determined to
have an old offender extracted; but
there being no dentist near, he re-
solved to do the job himself; where
upon, he filled The excavation with
powder, but being afraid to touch it
off he puta slow match to it, and
then ran to get out Of the way.
The Syracuse Journal beautifully
remarks: The country presents a
beautiful and charming spectacle Just
now arrayed in habiliments Of fresh
est green and jeweled with bright
blossoms Of pink and white, blue.
crimson, and lavender, the garish
scene is ravishing to the eye and ex-
hilarating to the mind" Yes-just
sol
A little fellow, FIVE or six years old,
who had boen wearing undershirts
much too small for him, was ono day,
after having been washed, put into a
garment as much too large as the
others had been too small. Our six
yoar.oId shrugged his shoulders,
shook himself, walked around, and e.
nally burst out with, "Ma, / do feel
awful lonesome in this shirt"
A gentleman has thoroughbred
pointer dog, which is said to be the
most efficient animal Of its kind. Ii
never lets any chance slip by it. The
other day, as it was trotting along
the street, its master observed thatit
ran up the front steps OF house and
pointed dead out at the door-plate.
He whistled, but the dog refused 10
bulge an inch. Upon going to see
what the matter was, he found that
the door-plato bore the name Of "a.
Partridge.
--Ehcho Answers. - OF what bas
Heaven given US an aqual share?-Air
What does q rumor often do when it
flies2-Lies. Which is the loyeliest
flower that grows2Rose. Whose chill
dren are we apt TO think the aweetest
AowersY-0urs. What in manner is
sure 10 please2-Ease. What will
frequently overcome the mostausiereP
Tear. What loses lis flavor whom
we borrow it2 Wit. What is it that
wealth seldom extinguishes?- Wishes.
What traits are difficult to extermi-
nate?--Innate. What did Cleopatra
to her bosom claspg--Asp.