Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-02-27

Short Cuts.
Spain is nice place to raise chickens.
They have SO many coups there
When is an encampmcnt most likely
to burn well? When the tents are pitch
ed
The ladies' God bless 'eln, wear so
many bugles that we fear overtures from
them.
Politencss is like an air cushion; there
may be nothing in it, but it eases you
wonderfully.
There is nothing that will change
man so much as great grief, unless it is
shaving off his rnustache.
We have been informed that a pair of
lovers will sit mp half the night and not
burn as much kerosene as the family
uses in an halfhour.
1t was an expressive remark of prac-
tical man regarding the woman Of the
period, recently: "Shc don't know
enough to boil water"
What is the earliest financial transact
ion on record L? When Pharaoh received
a check on the bank of the Red Sea,
crossed by "Moses & Co"
"Mono poets' is the new name for
persons who write but one bit of verse
and then die This isn't the kind of
poet that sends pieces to the papers.
A California paper having obtained
new subscriber, records thu startling fact
in a half column article, headed '"'Still an
other! Our course indorsed by the peo-
pie"
"Dnna be sa mean wi it; it's for
puir fatherless BARN." said Scotch.
woman to an apothecary who was weigh
ing out two ounces of calomel for sick
child.
A philosopher says true man never
frets about his position in the world, but
just slides into it by the gravitation Of
his nature, and swings there as easily as
| q star.
Waiting for things to turn up is un-
philosophical as well as Improbable.
Things will turn up just as fast and as
often while you are working as while you
are waiting.
An English Judge, Baron Anderson, on
being asked to give his opinion as to the
proper length Of q sermon, replied
Twenty minutes, with leaning to the
side of mercy"
Domestic young lady (making pie).-
Frank, the Kitchens no place for boys
Has dough such an attraction for you ?"
"Clever Youth.-It isn't the dough, cou.
sin, it's the dear"
A man was boasting that he had been
ind md bna nsxy
en- his wife cross word. Those who
knew her say he didn't dare to, but he
never mentioned it.
Building castles in Spain, Mr. S.?
id the landlady to Spicer, who was
thoughtfully regarding his breakfast cup.
mo ma'am," said Spicer, "only looking
over my grounds in Java"
At q prayer meeting in Maine, few
days ago, one of the members prayed
Lord, thou knowest that Charles Tomp-
kins has sold poor boots to some OF us,
make him do the fair thing"
A sophomore says lie cannot under
| stand how any one possessing what is
| generally known as conscience, can
counterfeit five cent piece, and put on
| the back of it, "In God we trust"
A drummer who was greatly addicted
to whiskey, was asked by reviewing
officer what made his nose so red
'.Please your honor" said he, II always
blush in the presence of a general Off
cer."
"1f this jury convicts my Client" said
a Missouri lawyer, rolling up his sleeves
and displaying his ponderous fists, II
shall be compelled to meet each one and
hammer justice into his soul through his
head.
Clergyman" I'm afraid your tipsy,
Lachie." Lachie-" Ye medina be 'feered
yer quite rect" Clergyman" I'm
sorry for it," Lachie-So am I, fir got
fou far over soon. The whiskey was
gran'T
Gloomy and dissipated youth (who has
discovered life is not worth having)"1
hope shan't be alive after thirty" Un-
sympathetic elderly party-"Is there any
particular necessity that you should live
till thirty ?"
Clara "a good sailor)-"I think the
moon is much more charming on the
water than on the shore. Don't you
dear?" Algernon "a bad sailor) up pos
sibly-'Depends so much on the state of
the stom-" Qeaves herr
A prisoner in New York Police court
was asked by the Judge if he had any
counsel. "Yes," he said, Il had engaged
an old bald headed fellow to defend me,
but don't see him round, and l rather
guess he is out for drink"
A bachelor says if you hand lady
newspaper with paragraph cut out Of
it, not line of it will be read, but every
bit of interest felt in the paper by the
lady will center in finding out what the
missing paragraph contained.
A quarrelsome couple were discussing
the subject of epitaphs and tombstones,
and the husband said: MY dear, what
kind of stone do you suppose they will
give me when I die ?" birthstone, my
love-" was the affectionate reply.
The most confding woman lives in
Providence. She went to an auction,
and, knowing the prevalence of thieves
at such places. asked nice looking man
to take care Of her pocket-book, contain
ing $S5. He is still taking care of it.
"A JcNCICI ldUlCu SOihC AlNiAOANS III LIS
window as being sparkling as the tears
of young widow" A customer looked
in and said he thought under those cir
cumstances the water would not prove
enduring. The label is not there now.
Prof. Proctor seems to have been guilty
of a paradox. In one OF his recent lee
lures he distinctly stated that there was
no animal life on the moon. And yit.
immajetly aflher," says Felix O'Fyne,
"he showed us hape of lunar craters."
Transformation Scene-Good Templar
40 dear, no! Do not mention it! I
meyer take anything-I-" Fiend lin
human shape)-Nonsense ! Chrishmash
time! You'll take something" Well
if you put 1t like that, I'll take" Takes
it.
A slab above grave in Arkansas bears
the following legend, evidently the tribute
of devoted but discriminating husband:
"She washed the children,
Fed the fowls,
And made her home
Resound with howls."
A man in Hartford has stopped his
newspaper because his name was print.