Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-10-14

|
The excuse of a young lady to her
minister who caught her mapping, was
Don't you think ladies had better be
fast asleep than fast awaken"
GAZING at Kentucky girl up a tree,
Quiz remarked, with Halleck
| -'s In the autumn time
| Earth has no hoier and lovelier to climb"
A MAN went into the postofice at
Springfield, Ohio, and asked. els
there letter for Mike Howe" mo"
angrily replied the clerk, "there isn't
letter for anybody's cow"
TELLS its own story. Southern
Police Court, the other day, witness
was asked, "Did you ever kill man 2"
"No, " was his reply, "but I killed
niger, once" ts-..s-
I WANT to know" said a creditor,
fierce1ly, 'swhen you are going to pay
me what you owe me?" 81 give it up"
replied the debtor; ask me something
easy. % s'+E Oh
A sCHooL-BoY spelled "sob," and
when asked to define it, Numbered out.
1T means when Teller don't want to
cry, and it bursts out ITSELF" Another
defined comma as a "period with a
tail "
SAID man to the Mayor of New Lon
don, whom he met at the State fair, 81
have seen beets in California as big as
am, "I beg your pardon" said the
Mayor, :" bnt [ think that you deceive
yourself" ..s.,..... .-.E
A Mr.. WAKEMAN, in Vermont, started
out to borrow hoe. That implement
must be scarce in Vermont, for Mr..
Wakeman has now been gone sixteen
years, and his wife is growing anxious
about him. iT.G
SAID Detroit lady to a small boy
whom she found crying in the street
the other day: evil you stop crying
II L will give you penny? % 'ENo,"
said he; butt you'll make it two cents
I'll stop If it kills me-
% A PEAKED-nosed maiden of forty-ive
summers bit into preserved peach the
other day, and the stone thereof dis
lodged her teeth and threw them out.
1t took three men two hours with
fence-ral to pry her nose out Of her
chin.
THREE Highlanders sat by their toddy
on rainy day, and as an Englishman
was present they INDUCED themselves
in the idiom of his country. One said:
"This is the best whiskey [ never tast-
ed any more" The second said: $50
did [ neither The third concluded:
"Neither did [ too
ALWAYS acknowledge all courtesies in
a kindly spirit. Throw bouquet and
card OF thanks to a serenading party, if
not prepared to invite them in. IF you
! haven't a bouquet or a card at hand,
throw boot-jack, OF brick, or any
thing of that sort, just to show your
appreciation of the kindness intended.
A GENTLEMAN who was once on a
journey became deeply engaged in
thought, when a woman approached
him and said "Sir, can I open that
Window He slowly drawled out, "I
suppose you can if you bring your
whole mind to it. She quickly re-
torted, :" None of your palaver, sir, for
| am darned sick to my stomach
NJ The King is but man as [ am; the
violet smells to him as it doth to me:
| the element shows to him as it doth to
me; all his senses have but human con-
dihons; his ceremonies; laid by, in his
nakednesshe appears but a man; and
though his affections are higher mount
ed than ours, yet. when they stoop, they
| stoop with the like wing. -Shakspecre,
How to swallow pill is thus stated
by correspondent: 'tPut the pill un-
der the tongue and behind the teeth.
and let the patient Immediately take q
large swallow of water and he will
neither feel the pill nor taste it. In fact,
he cannot tell where it has gone, and T
have seen them look about the floor to
see if they had not dropped it.
| A NAVY YARD mother thought she had
a model young son until discovering
him recently with lighted cigar in one
hand, standing ON corner. 'What!
smoking Georgie?'' exclaimed the hor-
rifed mother. "Oh, no., replied young
hopeful; "I'm holding it for another
boy" Perhaps it is needless to say
that the fragrant weed went out into the
middle of the street, and the boy home
n a. hurry.
A COMMITTEEMAN stepped into young
Whitlock's drug store-who, by the
way, keeps miscellaneous assortment
of books, among them Eugo's "'93"-
and said, confdentially: CT want to
fool the old woman; she's been kinder
heven the ager, and wants something to
warm her up, but she won't take any
thing but number six, and that don't
faze her. [ see by the paper that YOU
have got some 93: I want a dimes
worth, and if that don't fetch her she's
gomez 1o<aas g'ss
The Boston Globe tells of lady in
that city who answered a ring at the
door-bell, the other night, in the alb
sence. of the servant, and found an old
woman there, wrapped in shawl, who
pushed her way into the hall, and said
she was hungry and wanted something
to eat. The lady stepped into the
dining room and handed plate of nice
cakes from the table to the old woman,
who had followed her into the room,
but, instead of thanking her, the old
bag threw the plate and it's contents
I 1,,t0 fb a 1aI We fooa oyo6 1.11cb oI ont of