Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-02-06
humorous skrtebss.

MRS. SKINNER ON WOMAN'S hlGHTS.-
Miss President am here to-day for the
purpose of discussing woman's rights.
As success, man is a failure, and
bless nv stars that my mother was wo-
man.
not only maintain these principles, but
maintain shiltless husband besides.
They say man was created first. Sposin'
he was? Amt first experiments always
failures?
The only decent thing about him was
rio, and that went TO making something
better.
Ana then they throw it into our face
about Eve taking an apple.
III bet FIVE dollars that Adam boosted
her up the tree, and only give her the
core.
And what did be do when be was found
out?
True to his masculine instinct, he sneak
cd behind Ewes Grecian Bend, and said
"'Twan't me-'twas her!' And woman
has TO father everything mean since-and
mother it, too!
What we want is the ballot; and the bal
lot we are bound to have, if we let down
our back hair and swim in a sea of SAN
culinary.
Put up your little daughters TO love and
caress the ballot, and when they are old
and scrawney they will not depart from it.
Teach them that man occupies no posi-
ton that woman cannot fill, even to pair
of fpants.
Teach them that without the ballot wo-
man is simply cooking and washing ma
chine; that with il she can just rule her
little rcost.
Give 'em little ballots to play with.
We have plenty of ballet-girls, but what
we want is ballot women.
The male creature now sitting Oh this
platform, whom the law compels me to
call husband, says have got ballot on The
brain.
He says / sleep with ballot under my
pillow, and dream that ] am commander
in-chief of a large army of ballots, and am
cleaning out everything that looks like the
male sex, while the band plays. See the
conQuering hero cometh T.
such remarks show that man was created
lower than the beast of the sea, the carrion
of the air, or the rhinocar0s upon the prai-
ries.
''How 90 you like the clam song?'' ask
ed an old lady OF her daughter as they
stepped into the street after popular con-
cert. ''Clam song.'' exclaimed the young
lady in astonishment. why what do you
refer TO. mother?'' "Why, Che first song
she sang" "Oh. you mean Shells Of the
Ocean, don't you, mother?'' 'Well, yes"
said the old lady, ~ do think that was it;
il was something about ciaris, anyhow,
and you know do like them SO well.''
As fashionable young lady, fresh from
boarding school, came to her honest faith
er's breakfast table, instead of speaking
English and saying Good morning." she
spoke French, and said, "BonjOur." ''Of
course the bones yours. if you say SO"
responded the practical man, as he handed
her the ossiiied portion of the beefsteak.
THE Minnesota papers are giving crcu-
lation TO the following slanderous lines on
the st. Paul commercial travellers:
Young ladies under twenty summers
should never firi with St. Paul drummers,
Because full ofte1 they will find,
These drummers leave young wives behind.
SOME fellow who has overtaxed his di-
gestive faculties, dscourses as follows on
apple pies:
loathc, abhor, dctest, despisc.
Abomnate, dried apple pies!
like good bread, / like good meat.
Or anything that is fit to eat;
Bat of all poor grub beneath the skies,
The poorest is dried apple pies,
Give me the toothache sore eyer.
in preference to dried apple pies.
The farmer takes his gnarliest fruit,
Wormy, bitter, and hard, TO boot
Then leaves the hulls to make cough,
And don't take half the peeling of;
Then on a dirty string tits strung,
And from a chamber window hung,
To form roost for ants and flies.
Until it's ready TO make pics.
Tread Oh my corn, or tell me lies,
But pass me not dried apple pies.
What relation is loaf of bread TO To-
comOtive? Its mother. Why? Because
bread is a necessity and locomotive an
invention. and we all know that necessity
is the mother of invention.
An Ohioan sprinkled cornmeal on the
ground under his plum trees. which in
duced the chickens 10 scratch. This Was
done every morning, and the curculios
were found and caught, and the crop was
good.
EPITAPH for the Siamese Twins: They
were one in life, and in death they were
not divided
THE New York Ma,l states positively
that the Siamese Twins were much at
tached 10 each other.''
WHAT is the difference between a gauze
dress and drawn tooth? One is too thin
and the other is tooth out.
Mrs. SMITH says her husband is like a
tallow candle, because he always will
smoke when he is going out.
4 WAC having married a girl named
Church, says he has experienced more hap
piness since he Joined the Church than he
ever did before.
The difference in dispositions was
shown in recent meeting at railroad de-
pot. Two sisters met after a long absence.
20, my dear sister, gushingly exclaimed
one, preparing to throw herself into the
arms of her relation. you've been eat
ing onions sOlemnly observed the other.
1.-THE cause of Woman Suffrage
Scarcity of husbands.
II was an Irish coroner, who, when ask
ed how he accounted for an extraordinary