Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-09-04
FL U " 0 f
A Lesson i'm Grammar

"Well, my son, you have got into gram
mar, have you ?" said proud sire to his
thickest chip the other night. "Let me
hear you compare some adjectives.'' Chip
-"All right, dad, Little. less, least big.
best, beast NOW. more, most
Proud Sire-"Hold on, sir, that's not
right, you-''
Chip-"Tee, tore, toast; go, gore, govt
snow, snore, snout; row, roar, route"
P. S.-"Stop, I say those are not adjec
Chip-s'Drink, drank, drunk; stink,
stank, stunk; chink, chank, chunk
P. S.-''You internal little fool What
in thunder"
Chip-"Good, better. best; wood, wet
ter, west; bad, wusser, worst bile, biler,
burst sew, sewer, sup ; pew, poor, pup
och oh gemine dad e-o-O-W."
The outraged parent had broken in the
recitation with boot-jack.
Mrs. Burnam. of the St. Louis Republi-
can, says: Theodore gives the world the
impression that Mrs. Tilton is beauty,
but Elizabeth is forty, has had several
children, was never handsome, is shape
less, with a dull, ordinary face, set be-
tween two rows of cork-screw curls, that
gives a school marmy air to her. She's
just the woman, if | was man, that |
should go to for good pattern for fan
mel underShirt."
A bridegroom seldom renders his moth
er-in-laW speeches. but here is an inter-
esting case: A self-possessed young man
called at house in Atlanta, Ga, a few
mornings ago, and asked to see his wife.
'''She is not here" replied the mistress of
the house. "There is no one here but the
members of my own family" "Well*"
he replied, ''it's one of them want to see.
I married your eldest daughter last night
A gentleman who was on a journey be-
came deeply engaged in thought, when a
woman approached him and said, "Sir,"
can I open that window ~ He slowly
drawled out, II suppose you can, if you
bring your whole mind to it." She quick
ly retorted, ''None of your palaver. sir,
for am darned sick to my stomach"
An Irshman found government blank
ct recently, and rolling it up, put it under
his arm and walked off, saying, Eyes,
that's moine-U for Patrick and S for
McCarty; be me sowl but this learnin' is
foine thing, as me fayther would SHY
for if [ hadn't any edication [ wouldn't
have been afther indin' me blanket"
The ways of women are past finding out.
1t is said that the ladies of Hartford, Ct,
have fashion of tying up their taper fir
gers when young gentlemen are expected
to call, and when they very naturally ask
the cause they blushingly remark II
burned them broiling steak this morning."
The result is that several young gentle
men have burned their fingers, believing
the story.
ssYour hand writing is very bad indeed"
said gentleman to a friend more addict |
ed to boating than to study; ''you really
ought to learn to write better" Say, ay,"
replied the young man, lit is all very well
for you to tell rue that, but if | were to
write better, people would find out how
spell''
There is a good boy in Lisbon, if we may |
believe the Lewiston Journal, who, when |
he found his aged mothers Bible was Of |
too fine print for her failing eyesight, sold
the book and bought baseball bat AMI |
four sticks of chewing candy.
Milwaukee Sentinel: ''Notes of the |
storm still come in. A visitor from Lou
isville was struck by the wind, and as he
flew up Wisconsin street with his ears I'M
furled a gentleman remarked II knew
that the wind would fetch the circus
TENT
"You never saw such happy lot of
people as we had here yesterday" said
land-lady to newly arrived guest; there
were thirteen couples of them What
thirteen couples just married! ''Oh, no
sir, thirteen couples just divorced!"
A "Big Indian astrayed away from his
camp and got lost; inquiring the way
back, was asked, "Indian lost % No."
said he disdainfully, "Indian no lost wig
wan lost - striking his breast he excaim-
ed, "Indian here ~
"Why did you leave your last place 2"
INQUIRED young housekeeper about to en-
gage a new servant. "Why, you see,
ma 'am, - replied the applicant, 81 was too
good looking and when [ opened the
door folks took me for the missus.''
s.Why,' said Jones, twas Napoleon the
Great less remarkable than Henry the
E;mhth ?'' Everybody in the room began
to leave, seeing which he bawled out:
Because although Napoleon was Won
der Henry was a Tudor. ;"
Detroit Free Press: Turn, for a mo-
ment, from the Beecher scandal, and pom
der over the fact that the footprints OF
Chicago lady on the prairie, near Michi-
gan City, got a crowd of men out to hunt
for a stray elephant.
The Woman's Journal is in great glee at
having discovered a young fellow in Sara
toga who changed Ills costume three times
a day before II NJ. GAS bad as the girls';
t he women all exclaim.
A young woman at Trenton who was
sleeping with her feet hanging out of the
chamber window, was struck by lightning
and almost torn to pieces. The othes
Trenton women have taken their feet
IL.
Indiana threshng machines are hash
ing off legs and arms with promptness and
and occasionally leaving hand
some widow for posterity to take to candy
pulls next winter.
Emerson says that when public man
claim more consideration than his facul-
ties entitle him to, he is politician
The tobacco chewer is said to be like a
goose in Dutch oven-always on the
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