The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1874-12-16
Variety.

W lkAlt I've AN elLoNs
How to stop cock-6ght-Let all parties
present claim a fowl.
Water reddens the rose, whisky the nose
and tight boots the toes.
When does a man have to keep his word
When no one Will take it.
Morissey's policy-A long pool, a strong
pool, and pool altogether.
Barnum is married again. g 'Tis true, tits
P. T., and P T. tbs It's true"
1t is well to say, Take things as they
Gomez" but suppose they don't come?
When an Arizona man needs new pair Of
boots he looks around to see whom he shall
kill 10 secure them.
The way one Cincinnati editor takes to call
another liar is: {" BE is known to impart an
unhealthy swelling to truth"
Punch says the rouge e, noir still aourishes
near the Rhine, but the rouge is put on the
cheeks and the noir on the eyebrows.
Leslie Combs says he has mot a false or
unsound tooth." This is an unprecedented in
stance Of the durability of fne-tooth Combs.
Sponge baths are recommended The
best way to get one is to 60 to some bathroom,
take a bath and tell the proprietor to charge it.
An old gander was recently killed in vir-
ginia at the age Of 90. The name of the for
tunate clearinghouse that drew the prize is
not given.
A builder, when returning thanks to those
who drank his health, modestly observed that
he was more fitted for the scafold than pub
lie speaking"
81 want to know said creditor, fercely,
q when YOU are going to pay me what you me p
q give it up" replied the debtor; " ask me
something easy" :.
DR.. Franklin says: !" The eyes Of other peO-
pie are the eyes that ruin US. If all but my
self were blind, should neither want fine
house nor fine furniture"
More adulteration Master Of the house (the
man has called to look at the meter): T" Dear
me Well, wouldn't have believed it! Ac-
tually watering the gas, now ="
man having a bill against distant mer-
chant, sent letter of inquiry to banker in
that locality. The reply was: He is dead !;
but he pays now as well as he ever did
The Free Press says: "An Ohio woman
worked at odd times for nine years to piece a
bed quilt containing ever SO many pieces, and
then her husband seized it to blanket his mule
and said that it saved him paying out six shil-
lings for an army blanket.
That was beautiful thought of the poet that
woman clings to man like the ivy" But is
it always true2 How many bald-headed men
can testify that no woman ever clung to them
like the ivy but what she let 60 like a Crap
pling -Brool1yn Argus.
There is an old Indian in Kansas who is as
good weather-prophet as Old PrObs. When
asked the other day what the weather would
be during the next week, he replied: Mebbe
snow; mebbe heap hot. Better wait little
while, YOU bet"
1t having been asked by one curious in the
causes of things, "why two-thirds Of the ho-
tel clerks are bald p a keen observer gives II
as his opinion that it may be Because the for
ces Of nature have been diverted from the scalp
TO the cultivation of supernatural cheek
Our Frank is of very inquiring turn of
mind, and, like many other 4-year-Olds, he
looks after cause and effect in a way peculiar
to himself The other day the cat caught and
ate our pet canary-bird, Dicky, greatly to our
sorrow and disgust Frankie was inconsolable
for some time, but, after considering his loss
for awhile he asked: /" say, mamma, hadn't
the cat ought to sing better now that she has
eaten Dicky?"
Administer was once preaching about heaven,
and 70 show the absurdity Of SwendenbOrg's
ideas, drew graphic picture Of the Sweden
borgian heaven, with its beautiful fields, fine
horses, cows and pretty women, when, IN the
midst Of his glowing description, one Of the
sisters went into raptures, and exclaimed,
" glory, gloryl'' This SO disconnected the
preacher that be paused, when an elder called
out to the shouter, Hold on there, sister
you are shouting Ove- the wrong heaven y