The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-21
Hiram Green on Cremation.
| From the Whltehan (N. I'D Tlmes.l

From the whitehall IN. W Times.l
Skeensboro Is excited about the new
tangled way of disposing of ourselves
after we shovel Off this mortal quarrel.
Some folks think burning is rather
tough.
| heard Deacon Bowers, as he sat on
top of a sugar barrel in simmons gro.
Gerry store last night, declare that the
idea of cremating filled him with hor-
ror and yet the deacon, some how or
other, don't take no pains to avoid that
cremating he is likely to get when lie
goes hence.
EWhen cremating gets to be fashion,
able | suppose il will be praoticed by
the cream of our society.
Poor folks will have fellow feeling
for the poor worms, and not undertake
to do nothing to beat 'em out Of Christ
mas dinners. When the beautiful
tenement Of clay, which we wear to go
to church in; to do chores in; to attend
church in; to lie in; to swear in, aud to
cheat our beloved fellow Christians in,
Is reduced to ashes, our ashes are to be
urned. The Troy Budget thinks that
"it is hard enough to earn our living
without being obliged to urn our
deadn
Did the Budget man ever think how
blessed it will be urning some of our
dead acquaintance?
AT q meeting of the Skeensbors sew
ing circle the other night, the subject
was discussed at length.
Every woman, to man, declared
that they would not enter a fiery fur
mace for nobody, although several
lonely spinsters declared they wouldn't
object to eating cream, but they would
rise and get up out of the fire and give
the boss fireman such n tongue lashing
that they never had before, il they UNI
dertook to cook them.
Everybody is talking about cremat-
ing.
When the thing gets fashionable, l
suppose the marriages and deaths in
the newspapers will be put under the
heads of MATED AND CREMATED.
This placing the ashes of our dear
departed in urns, and setting the same
away on back closet shelf, is rather
too much like picking cucumbers, and
setting them away for next falPs use.
Imagine garnet filled with long row
of jars, setting upon back shelf all
nicely labeled, "Grandmother's ashes"
"Mary Jane, first wife. of So-and-So,
her ashes,n ''rhomas Joseph, son of
So-and-SO, his ashes.n
Then what confusion there might
exist, if some mischevious little fellow
in the family should climb up, and
thinking he had got among nice jars
of jams, preserves, pickles, and other
goodies, pull over his grandmother, or
his fathers first wife, or his sister Jane,
thus literally covering himself with
sack cloth and ashes" Then again,
when soft soap making time came
around, who knows but Bridget, not
being able to read, should tumble sew
eral labeled generations of our flesh
and blood into the lye kettle. The
possibility of washing fellows hands
with his departed relations is rather
discouraging to contemplate.
But without wishing to joke about
so serious subject, I've got acquaint-
ances whose ashes would be exceed
ingly rich with lie.
But the question is: "To burn or not
to burn ?o Some one has suggested
selling them to our gas companies to be
turned into light.
/ know of good many who are as
full Of gas as country village is full Of
gossip, yet their gas never threw as
much light on any subject as would sup
ply five minute old lightning bug with
stock to start business on. Nice gas
such chaps would make. l would
heap rather have tallow dip. The
reason good many are in favor of be-
ing burned when they first die, is to
provide against too sudden change in
posing into q different climate. A
good red hot sizzling would help to
gradually accustom them to the climate
where they are going.
/ don't go very heavy on burning,
myself, although would not do any
thing to deprive them as does to being
mated.
faint my style. Give me good,
old fashioned funeral, where true
friends assemble and drop tears of sor-
row at the old mans departure, and
pay the last sad rites to my memory,
while my enemies can have the salts
faction of seeing me planted out of
sight and going of and saying: "Well,
Pm glad I've seen the last of Squire
Green the old man is planted, now
let's get into his shoes.n
That's how l feel, and the way I
want to be put out of sight. Yours
not crem ature.
HIRAM GREEN, ESQ.,,
t3lt Late justice of peace.