The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1874-07-02
Munchausen Without Braces.

Munchausen Without Braces.
If you could have known Farley DOble
you would have warmed up to that man
As for me, | adered him. He could so
sweetly and so broadly lie; the mendacity
rippled from his lips with such liquid
flow, falling with SO musical splash
spread out amongst the hard realities with
an encroachment so gentle, and rose above
the tops of the tallest facts with such
regularity of superscension-that listen
ing to him was almost as good as a tGner-
al. The fellows imagination took five
barred fact like bird and as for mere
probabilities he simply burst through them
without so much as ever blinking his eyes.
Such man does not come once in cen
tury! He told me this, one day, about
dog:
A Mrs. Turk, living near bennington,
has one of those small, smooth dogs. about
the size of twO-and-a-half rats, and in fig
ure something like horse-Im sure l
dom know what you call them. She was
surprised one day to see the creature sneak
ing about the house in obscure corners, as
ii very much ashamed of itself. EXamina-
ton revealed the lack of a tail, the bleed
ing stump of which looked as if the miss
ing part had been pinched off by a gate.
Being questioned, the little beast gave an
evaSive answer by violently CONFUSING
the whole hinder part of its body as If to
say, 20 it doesn't matter about the tail;
you see how well can wag without IT,"
The lady, however, instituted rigorous
search tor the hon. member, and soon
found il under circumstances that lett no
doubt as to the cause of the injury. The
animal had made an unlawful intrusion
into the kitchen, and in the absence of the
tutelary deitess had leaped atop of a table
to prey upon the obsolete comestibies from
the dining-roOm. In turning about
amongst the dishes it had unluckily got
its tail into a lobster salad
asked Mr.. Doble afterward why he had
not said the dog got its tail into the claw
of living lobster. He was quite thought
full for moment, then inquired If Holsters
could live for any considerable time out OF
the water, and being assured that nothing
was easier for them he frightened up bit
and said. 1.-The fact is, l feared if L related
this thing as it actually occurred your ig-
norance of the habits of Holsters might lead
you to suspect me of lying" That was
Characteristic he thought would deem it
less improbable that lobster salad should
pinch off dogs tail than that there should
He came 10 my house once with long
story about man who, in trying new
tangled scythe, cut off both legs at the
thighs. The ACCIDENT occurred i'll a field
at some distance from the mans house,
and when he was quite alone; but taking
Leo under each arm, he started across the
country for home. In surmounting a
fence he accidentally dropped his legs,
which at once cut away as fast as they
could. arriving at the house quarter of
an hour before him. The mans wife was
enioying her siesta when the legs put in
an appearance and began kicking at the
door for admittance. Very much annoyed,
the woman got up from her couch and
searched for a missile. Nothing offering
but her husbands boOtjack, she flung that
| out of the window at her disturbers; and
when the man arrived, what did he see but
one leg standing in its stocking on the
/ Jack. holding it down for the other to draw
| off his boot! Such is the force of habit.
| The spectacle reminded the man that he
| had walked all that distance across the
! stubble barefoOted.
You viii hardly believe that when he
| had finished this ridiculous tale Mr.. Doble
attributed my evident incredulity to mere
| caprice. being quite unconscious of any
| inherent improbability in what he had re-
lated. But far from being offended he
went on for full hour, varying and EN-
bellishing the fiction, in the friendly hope
| of suiting me somehow.
! 1t was Doble who told me that yarn
about the eelS; though perhaps you never
heard it. Il was spending the winter in
Scotland" said he, "with my friend Sandy
/ MacSimpletOn. and one day we agreed on
/ a davis fishing in Loeb POrridge, which
was frozen to a depth of nearly two feet.
/ This lake at that time contained but one
| kind of fish called Jumpers, from their
obesity. They were peculiar in shape,
about eighteen inches in girth in the mid
die, and tapering rapidly toward the head;
which was remarkably small, with a
shalp nose. When we were about to go
upon the ice | casually remarked that
we should probably catch some tine
eels, as it seemed a good day for eels. San
DIV looked astonished, and offered to lay ten
sOvereigns to shilling that there was not
an eel in the lake. | booked the bet; then
goii out to the ice we cut big hole and
dropped in our lines. OF course we caught
nothing but Jumpers. Sandy began 10
chaff me. and pretending annoyance took
nv tackle and went to another spot, where
| soon pulled out an eel as long as man,
!
| dy's feet. | never saw a man so surprised;
but when | had repeated this dozen
times. and he had critically examined every
eel, he simply put up his tackle and went
home without word. 1t was very simple;
instead of cutting block out of the ice
had secretly bored hole through with IN
auger of the size that | wanted my eels.
"Having more than | needed, L put mos1
of them back in the wat r, and now the
lake is full of eels, which have quite eXter
minated the Jumpers. The eels are calleC
'lampreys,' word which hints feebly al
their origin"
Another of Doble's fish stories was this
He was travelling once in remote corner
of Italy, when he came upon wide poo
ofwhat looked like liquid amber, or Bass
ale without its toga. He inspected tht
liouid and found it oil-whether cOd-live1
oil, hair-oil or petroleum he could not de
termne. DESTROYS of knowing all he coulC
about so remarkable a lake-not that h'
was unfamiliar with such-he got out hi
tishing-line, baited the hook with bit o
meat. east it in and pulled out a fine her
, ring, In half an hour he had landed ;
wagOn-load of them.
When Doble had got to that point in hi
, narrative | interrupted him with the sim
pie remark that the herring, being salt
, water fish, could not possibly exist in oil
, adding, to forestall argument, that ha'
t tried them in that element Thousand
, times. He gave quick furtive glance
] my face from the corner OF his eye, TO as
: sure himself there was no hope. then be
> gan cropping nervously with his hand
about the sides of his chair, as WAS his man
ner when cornered; and, finally, gettini
his idea, replied with perfect confidence
f "You are quite right-they were sal
!. dimes. .''-EngtiSh Paper.