The Osceola times., 1874-04-11

th"he P'Vi'c Ilc On lhtHi.
When you buy new lamp
chimney ypJt it ip u vessel Of cold
water, setit Oh the stove and boil
You can never break that chimney
un lcss you throw q fat.Iron ut it,
and It won't, break even then-il
you miss it.
p Now we know all about ii
The Siameso Twins were Xiphopha,
gus of the class of Tcrata-anacad-
didyma, and may be called, for
sholt Omphelaphaglis Xiphodidy-
mus Rpu!as aposlrophc 20 sihc
lhifadcspiiia faculty, IN CHORUS,
We thank thee, Jew, for teaching
us that word.
"A Troy editor took his wife to
New York the other day. Tho
conductor, when he came along,
recognized our Troy brother as
entitled to free passage, but not
knowing the lady, whispered to
him: "Is this lady friend of
yonrsy" "No, no." said the Troy
editor in haste, "shc is my wife,"
"A man who is addicted to
practical jokes stepped into q
popular saloon at4(New Albsny,
Indiana, the other day, and ex-
claimed "The women are coming!
The effect on the crowd of card
players and liquor drinkers was in
'tanlaneous. hug 10.
"A subscriber writes to know
what that stceple on tho new
Tribune building is intended for.
1t is simply an, elevation of the
rolling OF the edit orial room, to
enable the exchange fond To keep
his nose at the proper angle with
ont running il out Of doors.
Hail the millennium of physic
when rheumatics shall be cured by
asparagus, headaches by celery, and
catarrhs by quail and toast! When
we can cure every disease by eating
its antidoto at our meals, like pork
and beans, or baked apple dump
ling!
This is the way n kentucky
candidate for Office greet voter:
'Howdy, howdy, howdy? How
dyF How do yon do?' 'Tollable,'
How arc your 'TollabIc 'IIow'
alp 'Tollable?' Your folks wcll?'
TollablcY .Iow's yournY 'Tolla.
.ble.' 'Neighbors all wcll?' 'Tolla-
blc.' 'How's yournY 'Tollablc.
'All for me- this timer 'Sorter
tollablc.'
They have established n hotel
tor homeless newsboys in New
York, with a library, savings
bank, Il laundry, gymnasium, and
a bathroom, ATTACHED. II it also
had u small Bowcry theatre, a
skating rink, and n ten-acrc lot for
base ball and circns, the thing
would come very near being per
feet.
A metropolitan housc-kccpcr
advertised recently for a wet nurse.
A young Irish girl offered herself
How old are you, Bridget said
the dame. Sixteen, phase, ma'am.'
Have you ever had II baby? No,
ma'am' but l ain very fond OF
them 'Then Pm afraid, Bridget,
you will not do tor me. 1t il ret
nurse | want ooh, plase, ma'am,
| know I'll do, I'm very aisy to
teach r..
A Terrible Scandal.-A popu-
lar clergyman of Buffalo returned
from an extended journey few
days since, and just rs he alighted
from the cars and was receiving the
congratulations of crowd of de-
lighted parishioncrs, who had as
sembled to greet hin, ,an incbriatcd
individual, following in his wake,
seized him by the hand, and cx-
eIaimed:
'Well,good bye. old pard, Tin
going further, and shall keep up
the same old drunk for while yet,
but you've pretty well sobered up,
and you better keep so I expect, as
drinking isrough when y fellow is
around Home. lint yoa know how
to so on gallus spree and have a
rum time Just asEood rs any -pard
| eyer had, and you has my respect.
Day-day, old bnstcl.'
Before the astoEishcd clergyman
could gather his wandering wits,
the hail fellow was off, leaving a
,terrible scandal for the dclectation
of the gossips of Buffalo, and a
prospective candidate for the luna.
TIC asylum. -a..-a. .J-- .s.,r
j!1 tAF 4IIp1si ! "a D pslI u
DfHfT-ta,hO iH6G