Orangeburg times. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1872-1875, 1874-07-23
NUMBER %.
FACTS AND PANoIEs.

III u0 COulun get OtlG Oh tHnllaQcipQ1u
any other way he would clieerfully
crawl into mortar and be shot out of it.
Sc I wonder il it's sea-sickness that
makes sailors always heaving up an
chors T. exclaimed Aunt Hepzibah, as
che looked thoughtfully up from her
morning paper.
"A dead body found in the Missis-
sippi is feelingly alluded to in the local
columns of the st. Louis press as an
other hoater found"
"A little boy Of our acquaintance a
few days ago, after attentively watch-
bugs, remarked that even the bugs had
got to playing marbles.
-" Now, Sammy, tell me, have You
uncle" "Well, then, what wrong did
they do when they sold their brother ?"
s.They sold him too cheap, Ithink.''
"A peddler calling on an old lady to
d dispose OF some me goods inquired oa OF her m
which no peddler had travelled. "Yess"n
replied she, &c know of one, and that's
the road to heaven"
Out of one hundred and eighty-two
boys in the Connecticut reform school,
the superintendent reports TINT one hun
dred and eighty are liars. The proposal
now is to educate the entire, lot of 'em
for the profession of the law.
An elderly clergyman of Chicago,
when asked the other day why he had
never married, replied that he hnd spent
his lifetime in looking for woman who
would refrain from working him pair
of slippers, aud he had never found her.
Walt Whitman's ode to the st.
Louis bridge:
Le! bridge at st. Louis!
Stretched from the bungs Of multiplicated
beer kegs,
Already overpassed by feet that could not be
Star-ioyed with the multitudinous expecta-
! tions OF the whereas and wherefore.
For it string serpent hued myriads .
And lightning girded monstrosities of all
Down through the anti-spasmodic whirls of
Dumfonnding, bamboozllng all, oven tho Here
after,
In an unmitigated extension of tho culmina-
ton Of Cundurango. {.t
A La Crosse editor has new pair
Of pants with pistol pocket, and he
wants to know what to do with that
pocket. He is afraid OF Q pistol, the
IOremtru ami HE
handkerchief is also used as coat
sleeve.
Joseph Arch proposes to bring over
II 900 English laborers and let them
know what liberty is, but Joseph had
better make arrangements for their
bread and butter before they land.
Three square miles of freedom won't go
as far as a sandwich to hungry man.
Detroit Free Press. f.
"A person wants to be careful, of
course, but where in the crown OF ones
hat can one find room for slip contain
ling directions for the treatment of
drowning man, compendium or rules
for avoiding hydrophobia, string OF re-
medies for sunstr. Ike, and ones tire
alarm card :? Nobody but paper hanger
could do the Job we'll.
-Au Illinois paper says: MIR. A.
w. Sheltan came into this etlice the
other day with one side of his face bal
ly swollen and one eye greatly lntamed,
caused, as he says, by the poison OF
potato bug. He struck bug with
piece of lath, and some of the "juice"
! struck his face near his eyelid. Two
physicians attending him consider the
bug much more powerful as clustering
agent than Spanish flies.
"A Burlington, Iowa, board of trade
man got into trouble by letting his bust
ness weigh too heavily on his mind the
other night. His wife heard him muir.
mur in his sleep, celia, dear. Ella"
fondly and tenderly, and as her name is
Mehitable, she woke him with the bald
end Of the hair brush, and asked him,
"Who?" "I was thinking OF Ella
yator," The wretched man said calmly,
and chuckled off to sleep again.
"A young man, who had spent ilt.
tie of his own time and great deal OF
his fathers money in fitting for the bar,
was asked, after his examination, how
he got along. "Oh, we'll enough
said he; "I answered one question
right" "Ah, indeed !" said the old
gentleman, with looks of paternal satis-
faction Mt his sons peculiar smartness
ssand what was it?" "They asked me
what a qui tun1 action was." "That
was hard one, and you answered it
correctly, did you?" eyes; I told
them I did not know"
On cruise the sailors saw comet
and were somewhat surprised and
alarmed at its appearance. Tho hands
met and appointed committee to wait
on the commander and ask his opinion
OF it. They approached him and said;
"We want to ask your opinion, your
honor" Well, my boys, what is It
about2 ?" eve want to inquire abont
that thing up there" "Now, before !
answer you, first let me know what you
think it is p "Well, your honor, we
have talked it all over, and we think it
is star sprung leas."
-"It is an exploded theory" says
one who speaks with knowledge. that