The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-03-24

On searching outside nobody could be
found but there was a revolver lying near
the door.
"An assassin p cried one.
"Some old enemy {" cried another.
The police were aroused as quickly as
possible, and started in pursuit of the MUIR
derer.
While they are "working up the case"
we will follow poor Jo. Can there be a
doubt in my theological mind where he
went, drunk as he was and boiling over with
the bluest of blue devils? Closely, then,
we follow him as he presents himself at the
gates of the Internal Regions and asks ad-
mittauce. A demon who acted the part of
door-keeper put his ear to the key hole and
demanded who was there.
"a friend" answered 10.
"Advance, friend, and give your name"
$40 Denton"
GAN right" said the demon "the Devil
has been expecting you for some time
Come right in -
As 10 entered bowing low, the demon
gave whistle Of astOnishment as he said {:
Well-a-day, my friend, you are in sad
plight; what has happened to your head"
"Top blown clean off," answered 10 !;
"and I'm afraid I'm done for unless you
folks can help me-"
"I'll announce you to his Satanic Majesty
at once" said the demon, darting away.
| In few moments there was sound as
ofa Kansas cyclone, and Satan bounded
into the room, filling it with horrible
smell of gunpowder.
"Why, old friend 10 - cried Satan,
throwing his claws about him, and breath
ing sulphurous smoke in his face, "here ut
last old boy, ell ?' and at the same time
giving him a friendly hug with his tail.
,'Gad to see you'll You have done we'll
played the religious dodge to perfection,
and for SO many years !-ha hal"
"Factis, your Satanic Majesty" said
10, al didn't mean to come just yet-left
my earthly affairs in an unsettled condition.
My property will all go to the devi-beg
pardon, mean to say that my family will
be left unprovded for, unless go back to
the earth to settle my business"
"Want to 60 back to earth" said Satan,
"well, well, you have been good and
faithful servant, and I'll see what can be
done. But what's this ?" continued Satan
stop of your head gone? Bless me how
odd you look moral works all gone ha
ha You can't go back to earth in that
shape"
"That's just it," said 10; 81 want to
get fixed up for a few years-new top-head." +"
"Can construct skull for you," said
Satan, "but won't put the moral works in
again you might give me the slip"
"Well," said 10, fix up my skull re-
spectable-like, and I'll trust to luck to get
it filed up"
"Must make one stipulation, said Satan.
"What is that ?"
"That you will not let certain parties
that shall name occupy any part of your
reconstructed skull"
"What parties are they P''
"You see your head is off just above
Destructiveness, as the phrenologists call
it,"
"WenP"
"There is big space to be filled, if re-
construct your skull on the old plan"
" Exactly" said JO, "and there are
parties waiting to occupy it,"
"There's the rub, said Satan; "now III
name such parties as must not be permitted
to occupy it,"
$50 on" said 10.
"Well, to begin with, there's Cautious
ness don't want any Cautiousness in
your head ; you might have ruined great
many more young men If you had not been
80 cautious about the consequences. Next
are Sublimity and ldealty. Though Ide-
ality leads few astray in the matter of ex-
trayagant dressing, know she is my en-
emy. Poets, artists, the best writer's of all
ages, employ Ideality and Sublimity In the
conception and finishing Of the best pro-
ductions. Sublmity was old John Milton's
right bower in the construction of Pan-
disc Lost, in which he painted me in such
forbidden colors. I'm not a particular
friend Of Sublimity.'
+" Well, what ?"
"There's Conscientiousness. On no con-
sideration must ConscientiOIsness occupy
a place In your head. That faculty has
caused me more trouble than all the rest.
It's always interfering with man who un-
dcrtakes to serve me. Says Pope;
what conscience dictates TO be done
Or warns me not to do,
This, teach me more than hell TO shun,