The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1874-07-03

Uuus anu LINUS.
Eyes have they, yet see not-needles
"A man is thinnest when he's a-shay-
ing.
An old lady i'm Massachusetts, being
informed that a dam above the village
where she lived WAS likely 10 give way,
Immediately wished for pair of clean
white stockings, saying in explanation
that she once saw "A woman struggling in
the waters and that she iloated along feet
upward.
The Chicago and Detroit newspapers
are discussing the beauty of the women OF
their respective cities with more acrimony,
perhaps than the subject demands. Why.
for instance, should Detroit editor pub
lish the following scandalous insinuations
against the daughters of Chicago :" Chi
cago may talk about the homely women of
Detroit, but there il one redeeming power
When one of them gets mired they don't
have to dig up half the street TO get six
teen-toot scantling under her foot for "A
pry."
California pea-pods are far superior to
orange peel for throwing the unwary pc
dcstrian off his equilibrium. Here is what
happened to lady in San Francisco. "a
described by paper of that city "She
hlNhtN WIN DOiH lttt IL HlGn IL al Ddlltl
star. gave the peculiar, shril, feminine
scream, sat down. said oh my smoothed
down her disordered attire. looked around
wildly. rose quickly, shook herself TO see
If anything was loose, gave a wither-
ing glance at the place where she had fall
en-, and. with all the spare blood she had
in her face. went on with her shopping
A hater of tobacco asked an old negro
10
noying to him. if she thought she was a
Christian. . Yes, bruddcr. spects is.''
"Do YOU believe in the the Bible?'' YES.
brudder." = DO you know that there is a
passage in the Scriptures that declares that
nothing unclean shall Inherit the kingdom
of heaven YES. I've heard of it,"
"Well, Chloe. you smoke and you cannot
enter the kingdom of heaven, because
there j. nothing so unclean as the breath
of a smoker. What do you say to that?''
why, Ispects leave my breff behind
when | 90 dar.r
An lrishman, newly imported. made
application for work. On being asked if
he could hold the pillow, Paddy said he
could do that or anything else. He was
accordingly employed. and his master
went with him TO the field to see him COM
mence operations. 1t was soon found that
the Hibernan was new to the trade. "Did
you not tell me, sir. that you could hold
the ploww "Arrah. be aisy now" said
Pat, " how the dvil can how'd the pillow.
an thin two spalpe nJs cv horses draggin'
il away from meg Bad give II to me i'm
the barn an be jabers, I'll how'd ii wild
any body"
Recently. near Germantown. woman
was scooped up by the cow-catcher of "A
locomotive The train couldn't be stop
ped until it had run half mile. The wo-
man was unhurt. When the story of her
escape was told to her husband he said.
sadly: "Wcll. I'll DE darned if wimmen
amt hard to kill. There was my finest
Durham. He got on the track and the To-
connective struck him, and there wasn't
enough life left in him to supply anima-
ton TO fly. And my horse ran away
with the gig. and the train came along and
hit him and il. and the horse was killed
and there wasn't piece of the gig left big
enough to make "A plug for the spigot
hole of barrel. Now that wife of mine is
of no account, and she escapes. It's al
ways the same. If you have two eggs in
your hand and one l. bad and the other
good. and you let them drop, it's invariably
the good one that breaks" And he look
ed sad and turned his chew of tobacco in
his mouth, and cogitated on the strange
inconsistencies of accidents. Mar Adsier.