Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-07-08

IOI UuO L
French republic-Look ouv
Mahon-beg pardon-the main cnance.
WHY is person afflicted with lum-
bago like a man smoking a penny
cigar? Because his back is bad (baccy's
bad).
WHAT is the difference between atube
and foolish Dutchman? One is hol-
low cylinder and the other is silly
Hollander.
OF misery man who died of soften
ing of the brain, local paper said :
Ellis head gave away, but his hand
never did. His brain softened, but his
heart couldn't %
Pacific railway for the purpose of bridal
parties. It has a comely as we'll as a
honey-combly appearance; is full of
sweets and is full of sells.
HERE is a laconic description of
fight in New Orleans "Vincent Blood
(colored) cut VIM. Thompson's (colored)
throat. Thompson was trying to bite
Blood's (colored) nose off.
OUR valetudinarian being told by his
medical adviser that he must wear
thicker boots, replies that when a fell
low has to walk through SO much water,
pumps would be more appropriate.
"MY man, what's your charge for
rowing across the Firth ?" Boatman-
"Weel, sir, [ was jist thinkin' I Gamma
break the Sawbath day for no less than
fifteen shull' rs !'-PMach.
IT is said that an Aberdeen school
master used towrite poetry when boy,
and had reputation in that line ex-
tending over an area Of country three
miles long, four miles wide, and a mile
thick.
A CINCINNATI editor, who has indulg-
ed in heavy life insurance, is said to
be followed whenever he goes a fishing
by several insurance agents, affection
ately bearing life-preserver and sun
umbrellas.
RELAPsE.-Squire-"Why, Pat, what
are you doing standing by the wall of
the public house? I thought you were
a teetotaller ?" Pat-"Yes. yer honor.
I'm just listenin' to them impenitent
boys drinkin inside!''
A WESTERN paper says that the first
duty of the grangers is to extinguish
every orator who begins his speech
with 81 have not the good fortune to
be farmer but [ have always felt the
most profound interest in the truly
noble and predominant pursuit of agri-
culture, and never was the interest
greater than now"
MENDELssoHN was, when a youth,
clerk to very commonplace, in fact
stupid, employer. One day an &C
quaintance commiserated the clever lad
on his position, saying, "What pity
it is that you are not master, and he
clerk" "Oh, my friend" returned
Mendelssohn, edo not say that. If he
were my clerk, what on earth could I
do with him %
CONVERSATION between an inquiring
stranger and a steamboat pilot: "That
is Black Mountain?" eyes, sir;
highest mountain above Lake George"
"Any story or legend connected with
that mountain ?" ''Lots of 'em. Two
lovers went up that mountain once and
never came back again." "Indeed
Why, what became of them?" event
"A CoFFIN-MAKER in our vicinity
says the Lawrence (Mass.) American,
"was always noted for having an eye
to business, and short time ago, upon
the death of citizen, friend went to
old crossbones, and asked him to go to
the home and take dimensions for a
coffin. No need of it, no need of it,
remarked the undertaken, Us down
there 'tother day, and kinder eyed him
over The same man last winter had
large stock Of collins on hand, and on
being asked if they would all be needed
that winter, he replied with glistening
eye, L hope so, hope So"
AT large dinner party once, the
poet Rogers was speaking Of the incon-
venience of having windows formed of
one piece of glass. "They look as if
there were no glass;" he said. GA
short time ago, as [ sat at the table
with my back to one of these panes, it
appeared to me that the window was
open; and such was the force of imagi-
nation, that I actually took cold"
"Dear me- said Mr.. Babbage, who sat
opposite, chow odd it is, Mr.. Rogers,
that you and I should make such very
different use of the faculty of magma
ton. When I sleep unexpectedly away
from home, and consequently have no
I should naturally catch
cold. But, by tying piece of pack
thread tightly round my head, I go to
sleep, imagining have night-cap on,
and catch no cold at ALL"
A CURIOUS coincidence lately hap
pened at Liege. A foreign merchant
came to that town to look up some
debtors, and, meeting one of them in
the street, observed that he was looking
for him, as he thought it was high time
that the account between them should
be settled. 81 should be only too
glad, replied NJ. X, ''but you cannot
draw blood from stone" "Then, .
said the creditor, 81 shall have recourse
to extreme measures CHOW l think
of it." cried x, 81 shall soon receive
an important legacy. I will, therefore,
give you bill at three months for the