Smyrna times., 1874-03-18

" Not for a week-fOT a m0nth-tOr year
forever He will never come in any more y
screamed Brimmer. He has gone to South
America with the intention of remaining there
during the balance of his life He has depar-
ted-hs has fed.-If you want to see him you
had better follow him to the Equator. He
will be glad to see you. | would advise you,
as friend, to take the next boOt and to start
at once. :"
That is unfortunate" said the man with
the golden locks. " called for the purpose Of
batterng him up lot with this club.
" He will be sorry, said Brimmer, sarcas-
tically. " He will regret missing you. | will
write to him, and mention that you dropped
in
My name is McFadden," said the man. |
" | came to break the head of the man who |
wrote that obituary poetry about my wife. If
you don tell me who perpetrated the follow |
ing, Ill break yours for you Where's he
who wrote this? Pay attention:
Mrs. McFaddsn has gone from this life:
She has lett all its and cares;
She caught the rheumatism in both OF her legs
While scrubbing the cellar and stairs.
They put mustard plasters upon her in Vsin
They bathed her in whiskey and rum;
But Thursday her spirit departed and left
Her body entirely numb.
" The slave who held the late Mrs McFad
den up to the scorn OF an unsympathetic world
named Remington OFT. He boards in Blank
street, fourth door from the corner. would
advise you to call on him and avenge Mrs.
McFadden S wrongs with judiclOus intormix
ture Of club and dog bites
And this" sighed the poet outside the
door, |" is the mau who told me to divert McFad-
den's mind from the contemplation of its hor-
rOrs of the tomb. 1t was this monster who
counseled me to make the sunshine of McFad.
| IL \
| Eaddens tears. If that red headed mOster
couldn't smile over that illusion to whisksy
and rum; if those remarks about the rheuma
tism in her legs could not divert his mind
| from the horrors OF the tomb-was it my fault?
McFadden grovels He knows no moro about
poetry than a speckled mule knows about the
shorter Catschism."
The poet determined to leave before any
further criticisms were made upon his perfor-
nance. He juroped down from his chair and
crept softly toward the back staircase Ar
irving at the landing, he suddenly encountered
Brmmer who was moving off in the same di-
rsctiOn. The editor had hardly time enough
to utter a prOfane ejaculation, and to lift his
hand to strike the poet, when an old lady in
pOke-bOnnet and silver spectacles suddenly
emerged from the stairway and pinned the
editor to the wall with the ferule of her um
brella. After grinding her teeth at him for a
moment, she foored him with her weapon,
and, seating herself upon his PROSTATE form
she extracted copy of the Morning Glory
from her bag, and pointing to certain stanz .
in the obituary column, asked OFT to read il
aloud He did So 1t ran in this fashion
Little Aerander's dead;
Jam him in the coffin
| Don have as good chance
For a fun'ral often.
Ruah hm right around
| To the cemetery:
Drop him in the sepulchrs
With his Uncle Jerry
At the end of every line the indignant con
queror punched the fallen Brimmers ribs will
her umbrella and exclaimed
"Oh. you willin! D'yOu hear that you
= wretch? What dyou mean by writin' of my
grandson in that way2 Take that, you ser
pintl .! yOu-yOu wlllinous wiper you
irwin to breake a lone widder heart with sucl
scand lus lies as them! There, you willin
kenmore to hammer you well with this her
i umbrcler, you wicked willin, you owdaciou
II wiper you Take that, and that, you vile
i ideccnt disgustin wagabone? When yol
9 know well enough that Aleck rever had NJ
Uncle Jerry, and never had no uncle in an,
s sepuchre anyhow, you wild wretch yOu!"
While she pounded the editor the poe
n CROPPED bis way down stairs six steps at tim
1t and emerged from the front door with remark
IS able suddsnnsss. His journalistic career snde
s. upon this day. When Br:mmer's employee
10 dragged away Alexahder's grandparent ant
e dragged her struggling and screaming down t
]; the street, the editor sent for a carriage an
q was taken home to bed, from which he arose
D. week later with an earnest determination neve
to permit another line of obituary poetry t
% enter the columns of the AOrHing Glory.
q THIRTEEN CHILDREN AND YET THEY AR
s. Nor HAPPY.-An interesting case of divOrc
's was before one of the New York courts o
le Saturday last which presents some curou
le features 1t is briefly as follows: Ferdinan
]; Mayer and ElenOra Mayer were marie
"a twsRty-eight years ago, and had thirteen chile
!, ren, ten of whom are living, six being minor
10 The wife now brings suit for divorce frOI
Ut bed and board, with a separate maintenance
alleging acts of cruelty on the part of her hui
band which she claims rendered it impOssb
for her to live with him; that be threatene
to kill her, and when she demonstrated again
his cruelty beating one of the children, turne
upon her and struck her. She alleges that
has taken the younger children to Germany
aveid the process Of the court, and that h
keeps them at low inn. The wife now seel
en- to compel the husband to bring the childre
q into the custody of the court, and she asks for
ut proper allowance from his property for the SUI
port of herself and children. She alleges hi
va to be possessed of $4,000. OH the part
he Mr.. Mayer affdavts were introduced allegiu
II. that the children were taken to Germany, a
he companied by their mother, feur years age
ne that the girls were at school at the UrsuliI
n convent of the "Black Forest" and that Il
ed boys we're at another good school denying al
ne acts of cruelty on his part, and stating th
c0 over year ago, when his circumstances wei
We better than at present, he had offered to gi'
rs his wife life estate in one third of his propert
b, besides properly providing for the children
he Baltimore Sun.
Id A Waterbury, Ct. man owns tame turtl
, a a pet clam, an extensive assortment Of drie
snakes and stnffad Mnndchneks He is a con