davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
VIEW WITH MARK
TWAIN.

Mark Twain has been interview.
ed. It took some preparation to
get lIr. Twains mind in a condi-
ton to be interviewed-he didn't
take to it naturally though he was
extremely willing 1t last how,
ever, the interviewer got Mark S
wandering attention fixed and at If
they went in good earnest.
@. How old are you7
A. Nineteen, in June.
Q. Indeed! I would have taken
you to be thirty-ive or six. Where
were youborn?
A. In Missouri.
@. When did you begin to write?
A. In 1886.
Q. Why, how could that be, if
you are only nineteen now?
A. I don't know. 1t does seem
curious somehcw.
@. It does indeed Who do you
consider the most remarkable man
you ever saw?
A. Aaron Burr.
@. But you never could have
met Aaron Burr if you're only l9
years
A. Now, if youknow more about
me than I do, what do you ask me
for?
@. Wellit was only suggestion
nothing more. How did you hap
pen to meet Burr?
A. Well I happened to be at his
funeral one day and he asked me tc
( make less noise, and
| @. But good heavens! if yor
were at his funeral, he must have
been dead-andif he was dead, how
could he care whether you made
noise or not?
A. I don't know. He was al
ways particular kind Of maj
that way.
@. Still, don't understand it all
You say he spoke to you, and tha
he was dead?
A. I didn't say he was dead!
@. But wasn't he dead.
A. Well, some said he was, an(
some said he wasn't.
@. What did you think?
A. O, it was none Of my busi
ness! it wasn't any of my fune
raj.
@. Did you-HoWeyer, we cal
never get this matter straight
Let me ask about something else
What was the date of your birth.
A. Monday, October 81, 1893.
@. What impossible! T. a
would make you 180 years old
How do you account for that?
A. I don't account for it.
@. But you were only 10 ~
now you make yourself out to b
$50. It is an awful discrepancy.
A. Why, have you noticed that
Shaking hands.) Many a time
has seemed to me like a discrepar
cy, but somehow I couldn't make u
my mind how quick you notice
thing!
This was but the beginning-be
fore that interview was over ther
must have been one, at least, Of th
race of inquirers who had his cur
osity satisfied.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

You will fulfill it. Listen, friend
Van Elburg: you will some day
leave your daughter a handsome
fortune; I shall leave my son at
least IS much: it IS therefore IN
necessary to discuss their future.
This. however, is rot true of the
present. I shall soon give my en-
tire business to my son, while you
give your daughter only four thous.
and dncats. 7 could not oppose
the wishes Of the young people ;
but when 7 consented to their union,
I determined to compel you to do
your duty toward them. With this
: object in view, I contracted with
you for four hundred thousand her
rings, at ten forms thousand, al
though I then had all the herrings
in the market. Now in order to
comply with the terms of your
agreement, you must buy from me,
and my price is fifty forms thous-
and; you have therefore, only to pay
over to me the sum Of sixteen thous-
and forms, and we shall be square. !"
While Meister Weorden was ar.
irving at this mercantile deduction,
Van Elburg regained his wonted
equanimity.
ri see, 7 see," said he, you are
clever tradesman. I am fairly
caught, and must bide the conse-
quences." s."
Their conference ended, and the
two merchants rejoined the we'd
ding company, as though nothing
unusual had occurred between them.
A week later, Van Elburg went
to Amsterdam, ostensibly to see
his daughter. Now the tables were
turned.
"Ah, meister," cried Woerden, on
seeing his colleague from Brock,
Il am in terrible dilemma. The
time is approaching when I must
deliver the four hundred thousand
herrings, and not a cask can I find
to put them in"
THAT does not surprise me" an
swercd Van Elbug, smiling; ''you
bought up all my her1ings, and I
bought up all your casks
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
TRIALS AND TRIVNPHS OF
JOHN COUGH.

A New York correspondent of the
Chicago Times writes: One Of ths
most successful lecturers OF the day
is John B. Cough, who began his
career as speaker in favor of tenn
perance. Born in Landgate, Eng
land, 6fty-seven years ago, his
father being a pensioned soldier
who had fought under Wellington,
and his mother a school-mistress,
he came to this country as appren-
tice to an emigrating tradesman, in
his thirteenth year, and took up
his abode on a farm in Oneida
county in this State. Soon after,
he removed to New York, and went
to work as a book binder. Con-
yivial habits grew upon him until
he became a confirmed drunkard.
Penniless, homeless, degraded, it
was his custom to resort to the low
est groceries in the Sixth ward to
play the bufoon forliquor. At twen-
ty-two he attempted to reform, md
got married. He was doing quite
well as q book-binder when he fell
once more into intemperance, lost
his wife and child, and sunk to the
condition of a wretched outcast. A
benevolent Quaker, meeting him in
the streets one day, induced him to
take the pledge.
After that he went to a temper
ance meeting, and related his ezpe-
rience with such power and effect
that he became a prominent orator
in the cause. Two or three years
later he violated his pledge; made
confession of the fact in Worcester,
Mass, and has since had strength
enough to be entirely abstemious.
In 1853 he went to England, al
the invitation of the London Tenn
perance League, and lectured tc
immense audiences. Of recent
years he has devoted himself to the
Lyceum, and has found his profit II
it. He has twice as many offers he
can fill, and is, probably, the mos
popular speaker in the country H
has lectured as many as two hun
dred and fifty times during sea
son, and has cleared from $4,000
to S25,000.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
SMILEY'S GUN.

Recentlyit occurred tc Mr.. Smiley,
Of Darby, that it would be good
thing to go out to see if he could
not shoot a rabbit or two. He al-
ways kept his gun loaded and ready,
in the corner of the room, so he
merely slouldered it and went out.
After awhile he saw a rabbit, and
taking ain he pulled the trigger
The gun failed to go off: Then he
pulled the other trigger, and the
cap snapped again, and then, taking
a pin, he picked the nipples of the
gun, primed them with a little pow
der, and then started again. Pre-
sently he saw another rabbit, but
both caps snappedagain. The rabbit
did not see Smiley, so he put on
more caps, and then they snapped
too. Then Smiley cleaned out the
nipples again, primed them, and
fired the gun off at a fence. Then
the caps snapped again. Smiley
became furious, and in his rage he
expended forty-seven caps in an
effort 10 make the gun go off,
When the forty seventh cap missed
also, Smiley thought there might
perhaps be something the matter
with the inside of the gun, so he
tried the barrels with his ramrod.
To his utter dismay he discovered
that both barrels we're empty. Mrs.
Smiley who is nervous about FIRE
arms, had drawn the loads without
telling Smiley, for fear of making
him angry. If there had been a
welkin anywhere about it would
would probably have been made to
ring with Mr.. Smiley's excited de-
nunciations of Mrs. Smiley. Final
ly, however, he became cooler, and
and loading both barrels, he start
ed again after rabbits. He saw one
in few moments, and was about
to fire, when he noticed that there
were no caps on his gun. He felt
for one, and to his dismay found
that he had snapped the last one off:
Then he ground his teeth and walk
ed home. On his way there he saw
at least six hundred rabbits. He
has been out hunting every day
since, however, with his gun in
frst-rate order, and he has never
laid eyes on solitary rabbit. Sml-
ley is beginning to think something
is wrong in the government Of the
universe.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

An exchange gets off the follow
inc: We don't want to interfere
with anybody's domestic affairs, but
if your wife asks you to read from
the sixth chapter of Hebrews often,
the following may account for it ::
"A old citizen Of Hopkins, Mo-, who
has been insane through constant
reading and study ofthe sixth chap
ter of Hebrews, recently committed
suicide by hanging.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

d week contriving it-and she adj
mired his contri7ance.
The author of II know q Bank, "
SC. didn't know one where he
could get his note discounted
The only check he ever had was a
white check on faro bank. He
never held a red check in all his
life.
"What are the Wild Waves Say
ing?" knew very well they we're re-
preaching him fol- running away
from Long Branch without paying
his hotel bill.
"Who will Care for Mother now!'
Who, indeed. You took the old
woman to the poor-house just be-
fore writing the song, and there is
nobody but the poor-master to care
for her now.
Hear me. Norma was deaf and
dumb. He couldn't make his pa
hear nor ma.
MY Mother, Dear" used to thrash
the old woman within an inch Of
her life.
The author of ''Rain on the Roof"
always slept in the basement except
when he slept out of doors.
"Let Me Kiss Him for His Mo-
ther' got mad because his mother
wouldn't have him, and whipped
her little boy within an inch of his
life.
Il Dreamed I Dwelt in Marble
Halls" used to cheat at marbles
when a boy, and his dream was a
horrid nightmare, brought on by
the remorse at the recollection of
fraudulent marble hands.
I'm Saddest when I Sing" was
tickled almost to death when invited
to.
Happy Be Thy Dreams" sold
benzine whiskey. You can fancy
what kind of dreams were produ-
ced.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
Tho lntnct neu thinn in Rr0nl

The latest new thing in Brook
lyn. New York, is Lady Washing
ton Tea Party. at the Academy
of 7Iusic. Revolutionary uniforms
have been obtained from the Put.
man Phalanxand elsewhere. Ladies
and gentlemen will attend in the
dress Of the time, the gentlemen
in knee brooches, silk stockings,
cutaway coat and bag wig, and the
ladies in the cap, scarf. stomachers
and petticoat Of ':ye olden time"
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

The man who wr tie ''Home,
Sweet Home" never had a home.
Exchange.
No, Of course not, al! his folks at
home says he didn't. Nobody who
ever writes about anything ever had
it. If o man is out of anything he
Immediately goes and writes about
it. No man writes SO many head.
ings" as the man who is out of his
head.
Certainly he didn't have any
home. The man who wrote the
"Old Arm Chair" never had an arm
chair in all his life. The best he had
was an old split-bottom without any
back to it.
The author of ''Take Me Back tc
Switzerland never was IN Switzer
land. The nearest he came to il
was sitting in the William Tell Sa.
loon eating Switzer kase; kase why
that was the best that he could
do.
'Mother, I've Come Home tc
Die" has not spoken to the old wo
man for years, and wouldn't go neal
the house. Besides he's of that
class of spiritualists who don't be-
lieve they will ever die. His health
was never better. His mother is
nothing but a mother-in law, anc
she is dead now, anyhow.
There is the author of "Old Oak
en- Bucket" too. There wasn't
bucket on the old farm, water being
drawn with a tin pail and a cistern
pole.
IF T Had but Thousand q Year
stated privately to his best friends
that he would be contented with hal
that sum, as he was doing chores TO.
his board and three months school
ing in the winter.
The author of ';Champagne Char
ley" never drank anything but II
cent whiskey.
The man who wrote "Mary Hat
a Little Lamb" knew very well i
was nothing but a little lamb fry.
*Shells Of Ocean" is humbug
The very plaintivc poet, who repre-
sents himself as wandering, on
summer eve, with sea beat through
on a pensive shore,w was raised in tn
interior OF Pennsylvania, and neve
was ten miles from home in all hi
life. ':Gathered shells" did he?-
AL the shells that'he ever gathered
were some egg-shells back Of hi
mothers kitchen.
::EIark 7 hear the Angels Sing
spent Ill his evenings in a beer sa
loon. Angels indeed.
The man who wrote the "Son!
OF the Shirt" hadn't a shirt to hi
back, wearing wampus for tn
most part.
loft in the Silly Night used t
get on a spree and make the still
night howl till day light.
The author of eve Met b
Chance' knew very well it was a
ranged beforehand. He had bee
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

Have the courage to cut the most
agreeable acquaintance you have
when you are convinced that he
lacks principle. A friend should
bear with a friends infrmities but
not with his vices.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

The French entered Amsterdam
the goth Of January, 1915. The
soldiers stacked their arms on the
pavements, and waited anxiously
for their bil,ets for quarters,
Despite the severity of the
weather, the citizens turned ont in
large numbers to welcome and ad-
mire the veterans in their rags
There was a general rejoicing
throughout the city, which for the
most part was Illuminated. At the
extreme end Of the town there was
. single house, whose dark, forbid
ding aspect was in strong contrast
to the Brilliant appearance Of the
neighboring buildings. It was the
residence Of the rich merchant
Meister Nccrdon. He was COM
pletely absorbed in his commercial
operations, and neither knew nor
cared to know what vas going on
in the political world ; and then, he
was too familiar with the rules of
economy to think OF squandering
candles on an illumination.
At this moment, when all was
10y and enthusiasm throughout
Amsterdam, Meister Woerden sat
quietly in his big armchair beside
the fire. On the table there was
little brass lamp, a mug Of beer,
and big clay pipe. On the other
side Of the fire sat an old maid-ser-
want, whose rotundity betrayed her
Flemish origin. She was occupied
in showing back the Goals that had
fallen out on the hearth, when there
came loud knock at the street
door.
"Who can that be-" ''Go and
see," said the old merchant to the
maid, who had risen to her feet.
A few moments later stalwart
young man entered the room. He
threw of his mantle and approach
ed the fire.
"Good evening, father" said he.
How? Is it you, William ? I did
not expect you back so soon"
II left Brock this morning, but
the roads Lave been made so bad
by the aru1y-trains that we have
been the whole day on the way"
''Well, dill you see Van Elburg?"
eyes," said the young man, seat.
ing himself before the fire; "Meis-
ter van Elburg consents to themar
riage, but he adheres to his determi-
nation to give his daughter a dowry
of only four thousand ducats."
"Well, then, he may keep his
daughter and his dowry," replied
Woerden. with frown.
"But, father"
Not a word, my son! At your
age we have nc more sense than to
sacrifice every thing for love, and
to dcspisc riches"
"But Herr van Elburg is the rich
est merchant in Holland, and what
he does not give now will be ours
at lis death"
"NonseH$e? rep lied Melster
Woerlcn. Am I too, not sick
Listen, ny son. You will soon fol,
low ne in my business. Never fol-
get these two rules; never give
more than You receive, and never
further another mans interest to
the det1iment af your own. Guided
by these principles, one will better
his condition in marriage as well as
in trade.
But father"
Not another word, my son-not
another wordr'
William knew lis father too well
to say any thing more, but be could
not avoid evincing his displeasure by
his manner To this, however, the
old man paid no attention ; he calm
y. filed his pipe, lighted it, and be
| oro1, tn smoke.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

DRINKING FOR TIE EFFECTs.-He
said he didn't care anything about
liquor, only the effects. He never
liked the taste of it, always made
him gag" to drink it: and he made
up an awful face as he took it down.
But it was the effects he was after
If it wasn't for the effects he would
never drink drop Of liquor in all
his life. He was nice young man
when we first beard him say that.
He had health, good looks, proper
ty and a respectable position in So
ciety. The only perceptible effects
Of his potations then werethe height
ened color in his cheeks, increased
brilliancy of the eyes and vivaci,
ty in conversation. He was gener-
Gus and liberal with his money, too.
and had ':host of friends" Well,
he kept on drinking for the effects
and he got them, as every man will
who keeps at it long enough. The
last time we saw him he was that
most pitiful object a human wreck.
He was standing at a bar pleading
for drink on time. his trembling
fingers being unable to find even a
solitary nickel in the pockets Of his
ragged apparel. He had kept on
gagging over his whiskey and drink
ing for the effects until he hadn't
any effects left except those painful
" apparant ones, poverty, disease,
privation and vanished respectable.
ty. Verify, he got the effects.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

A fashionable lady went to q party
not long since. She arrived there
about the first Of the evening, but
the last of her dress did not arrive
until after y o'clock.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
9)oetrpp.
IL
sE'E%5s AND OVER.

AFTER AND OVER.
Ar!cr the shower,
The tranquil sun
Silver stars when
The day is done.
After the snow,
The emerald leaves
After the harvest,
Golden sheaveS.
After the clouds,
The violet sky;
Quiet woods when
The wind goes by.
After the tempest,
The lull of waves;
Alter the Oaltlc,
Peaceful graves.
After the kuell,
Tic wedding bells;
yfulgreetings
From sad farewells.
After the bud,
The radiant rose;
Af:cr our weeping,
Sweet repoSc.
After the burden,
The blis3ful meed
After the furrow,
The waking seed.
After the flight,
The downy nest;
Over the shadowy
River-reSt.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

If q woman's child plays truant
nowadays, she frantically tears
away to the police. screaming that
her darling has been kidnapped.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

How sharper than a serpents
thanks it is to have a toothless
child-Shakespeare Revised.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

The Shah Of Persia has given or.
ders for full corps of blonde ballet
girls.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

road from Amsterdam to Brock,
which they reached about midday.
They repaired Immediately to the
residence Of Van Elburg, who, when
he saw them enter, cried out:
"Ah, good-morning, NJ eister
Woerden! Have you fed from the
Parlc=- Tous2 In any case, you
are welcome"
NO I flee from nobody. You
know 7 have nothing to do with
politics. [ come to propose a good
speculation to you
yes? What is it?"
L have all order from the govern
ment for four hundred thousand
herrings, to be delivered within a
month. Can you furnish me with
that number in, say three weeks?'
"At what price ?"
Ten h0rins thousand
Ten forms! Yes, Twill furnish
them.'
"Yely we'll, and now to dinner ; I
am half FINISHED. At the table we
will talk Of another matter"
Noerden introduced the subject
Of the marriage, but Van Elburg
could not be persuaded to increase
the dowry he had offered to give his
daughter to the amount of a single
silver. They nevertheless decided
that the wedding should take place
that day next week.
The following day, Woerden and
his son returned home. Hardly
had they left Brock when the young
man asked:
Then, father you have changed
your mind?"
"How 500"
"Have you not decided to accept
the dowry offered by Meister Van
Elburg?"
'Let me manage the matter in
my own way, my son, and ask no
questions.
When the wedding day came
Woerden and his son returned to
Brock. Van Elburg received them
kindly, but he was so furried and
nervous that William feared he had
some bad news for them. His ia.
ther, however, had no such misgiv.
ings; the old fox knew too we'll the
cause Of his colleagues disturbed
manner.
"What is the matter, Meister Var
Elburg ?" he asked, with a sardonit
smile. "You seem to be worried
about something"
"Ah, my friend, I am greatly EN-
barrassed. T must speak with you.
"INhat is it? Have you changed
your mind with regard to the mar
riage. Speak frankly; it is not too
late"
"No 10; it is another matter en-
tirely."
'Well then, let rs first proceed
with the wcdding-ccrcmony. After
ward I shall be quite at YOU: ser
vice
The company, therefore, repaired
to a neighboring church, and in ;
few minutes tie young people We're
husband and wife. When they re
turned to the house, Van Elbure
asked Woerden to SO with him in
to his private room.
"Eiiy FRIEND" began Van Elburg
when he had carefully closed thu
door, ::in accordance with oul
agreement, I should within two
weeks from now deliver to you fou
hundred thousand her1ings. Thu'
fs.r, however, 7 have not been abb
to procure a a'single one. There are
none in the market; they have beer
all bought up"
"Certainly they have, I bough
them up myself" replied Woerden
smiling.
':But-but-how about my con
tract?" stammered Van Eburg.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

Have the courage to acknowledge
your ignorance, rather than to seek
for knowledge under false pretenses.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16
wElT TEE SOUTHERN PRESS SAY OF
TIE TRIBUNE.

We consider TEs TRIBUNE very valusble
psper.-Asheville, n. c., Citizen.
- 2aE SE#s ORE TRIBUNE, in its faithful an q
seayr&sug exposure Of outrage ISLANDERS on Ala
b2na and other States, has done immense service
50 ruth and jestice.-Macon, Ga, Telegraph and
WetSaas TIE NEW YORK TRIBUNE for its
2saniy and powerful words in demanding justice
gss tie pecpls Of Alshsma.-Nonsgonery' Als.'
me best newspaper In the world is the New
YORK TRIBUNE It combines the dignity and
saSaciGy of the London Times with the repre-
sentative news enterprise of Observation-Disclosures
a paper TO be admired for its independence of
tone and its reliability Of news.-Episcopal
Methodist Baltimore, Md.
Any one who wants irst-clsss paper; which
keeps fully up with the times in literature, science
and art should subscribe for The TRIBUNE
Spartanburg, S. c.. Carolina Spartan.
eeThe imperial sheet Of the world, The NEW
YORK TRIsUNE.-JacksonVille, Fla, New South.
We regard il IS the best paper Of all. poblished
In the United States--Aorrassown, Tenn Ga
zette.
To-day. The New YoEK TRIBUNE is undoubt-
edly the irst OF American newspapers; whasever
may be said Of its rivals, it has clearly won
precedence Of all and ys[y cse1ta9y %S
dealing With al the topics coming within the
range Of newspaper, TIE TRIBUNE makes g
speciality Of the great subject Of agriculture 1t
becomes therefore matter OF vital importance
to the country that the direction Of the ideas OF
this vast section should be in able aud conscien-
tioas hands, and q nat:er for congratu!a ton that
the farmers newspaper par excellence has the
high standing Of the The TRlsCSE.-The \. \.
South.
IRE NEW. YORK TRIBUNE is doing great
work in popularizing Science, by the pubEcation
afcheap extras to that great daLy.-Our Monthly,
Clinton, S. G.
American newspaper enterprise is probably at
this tmennore fully illustrated in the daily issues
Of TRE NEW IoEk TRIBUNE than IN any other
joarna3.~-W im-3gton, n: c., Star.
Unequalled in culture, dignity, comprehensive
breadth, polish Of expression and intellectual; !;
fettered by, no party ties, boited Indecencies OF
speech, ard-hysteric with no wild sensations
Raleigh, n. G., Agricultural Journal.
Surely the paper has maintained successfully
the high popularity which he bequeathed it, and
the uameeof an.ably conducted and independent
io,rral. which it now deserves even more justly
thar at any time during Mr.. Greeley's life
Petersburg Va, Index aud Appeal.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

When does man feel girlish ?
When lie makes his maiden speech.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

Silver sardine boxes are now
given to bridal couples.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-12-16

The vegetable that young ladies
love is, to;mateb-ob!