The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1874-10-29
Mark TMain'S C0ld.

The first time began 10 sneeZe, a
friend told me to 90 and battle my feet
in hot water and 20 TO bed. 1 did so.
Shortly after, another friend toli me 10
get up and take cold shower bath.
did that also within the hour. Another
friend assured me that it was policy to
feed a cold and starvc a teSer. L naa
both. SO | thought it best to ill myself
up for the cold, and let the fever starVe
awhile. In a case Of this kind l sci
dom DO things by halves; l ate pretty
heartily. / conferred my custom upon
a stranger, who had just opened bis res
taurant Oh Cortlandt street, near inc
hotel, that morning, paying so much iof
full meal. lie waited near me IN re-
spectful silence until had finished iced
ING my cold, when be inquired II the
people about New York were much af-
fIcted with colds. told him thought
they were. He then went out and TOOK
in his sign. started up toward the
office, and on the way. encountered an
other bosom friend, who told me that a
quart Of arm salt water would come as
near curing a cold as anything in the
world. | hardly thought l had room
for it, but triet 1t, anyhow. The re-
suit was surprising. | believe l threw
up nv immortal soul. Now, rs 1 give
nv experience only for the beneht OF
those of your friends who are troubled
with this distempcr, l feel that they Will
see the propriety OF my cauiionl"g them
against following such portions o1 IL d.
proved inefficient with me, and acting
upon this conviction L warn them
against warm salt water. 1t may be
good enough remedy, but | think 1t ls
rather too severe. If | had another
cold in the head, and there was no
course lett me but 10 take either an
earthquake or 4 quart OF warm san
water, | would take my chances on the
earthquake. After this every body III
tho hotel became interested, took All
sorts of remidles- hot lemonade, COLO
lemonade, pepper tea, boncset, stowed
Quaker, hoarhound syrup, onions ana
loaf sugar, lemons and brown sugar,
vinegar and laudanum, five bottles hr
balsam, eight bottles cherry pcctoral AID
ten bottles of Urcle Sans remedy, but
all without effect. One of the prescrlp-
tons given by an old lady was--weii, IL
was dreadful. She mixed a decoct!on
composed Of molasses, catnip, pepper
mint, aqua forts, turpentlne, kerosene,
and various other drugs, and instructed
me to take wine-e iassfuil OF 1t every
fifteen minutes. | never took but one
dose; that was enough. had 10 take
TO my bed, and remain there tor Two en-
tire days. When | felt little better
more things were recommended. was
desperate, and willing to take anything
Plain gin was recommended, then GIN
and moIasses, then gin and onions
took all three. detected no particular
result, however, except that l had &C
ouired a breath like turkey buzzaid,
and had to change my boarding. place
At this new place they suggested dIf.
ferent remedy TO any retired. A she't
hath was recommended. | had never
refused remedy yet and 1t seemed
moor policy to commence then there
fore determined to take sheet bath,
though had no idea what sort of an ar
rangement it was. 1t was administered
at midnight, and the weather was very |
frosty. My back and breast were
stripped, and sheet Qhere appeared 10
to be thousand yards of iD soaked in
icewater, was wound around me u"tll
resembed q swap for columbIad. 1t
is q cruel expedient. When the chilly
RAG touches ones warm flesh it makes
him start with sudden violence and gasp
fer breath, just as men do in the death
agony. 1t froze the marrow in my bones
and stopped the beatings of my heart
| thought my time had come. When
recovered from this, a friend recon-
mendcd the application of mustard
plaster to my breast. ! believe that
would have cured me effectually, If IT
had not been for young Clemens. When
| went to bed put the mustard plaster
where | could reach it when | should be
ready for it, Bnt young Clemens got
hungry in the night, and ate 1t up.
never saw q child with such an appetite.
am confident that he would have eaten
me if he had been healthy. After all
this experience You cannot wonder that
| dread going TO New York.