Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-05-28
Wit. HumOr and Wisdom.

OMAHA claims to have a Russian
nobleman in its telegraph office. His
name is Alexis A. de Perwinoff, and the
Count was exiled for his republican
predictions.
AN 1rishman remarked to a COM
panion, on observing lady pass,
"Pat, did you ever sec SO thin q
woman as that before ?''-" Thin % re-
piled the other; botherashun! I've
seen ono as thin rs two of her put
together, I have"
AN interesting little boy, timid when
left alone in dark room, was overheard
recently by his mother to say in his
loneliness, "Oh, Lord, don't let any
one hurt me, and I'll go to church
next Sunday, and give you some
money"
Two young Irishmen happened to
get into an atfray in which one of them
was knocked down. His comraGc ran
up to him, and cried out, "Zounds,
Dennis, if We be dead can't yc spake q
I'm not dead, but spacneless. said
the other.
AN Irish post-boy having driven q
gentleman long stage during torrents
of rain, the gentleman civily said to
him, paddy are you not very wet?''
"Arrah, I don't care about bein' very
wet, but, PLACE your honor, I'm very
dry"
A BENGAL, paper supplies neat in
stance of confusion of metaphor. Criti-
cising the income tax, cur contemporary
hopes the government will not re-
peat the blunder of killing the calf
which daily produces the golden egg. u
AMERICAN, Cooking at the long bill
just presented) -" Wal, I guess you
ali, an old boss - Waiter" Old boss,
sir! What dye mean, sir p Ameri.
can" Wal, just that you're famous
charger, for sure!'-Ptnch.
! LYNCH law is probably based on the
spirit of an old saying. When despera.
docs abound, honest people surrende,
to their leaders an lynch, and they
take an "L" and make a code called
"Lynch Law
CALAIS - said the nurse who attended
the witty divine, Sidney Smith, in his
last illness, II have made q mistake
and give you bottle of ink" "Thcn, -
said the dying wit, "fctch me all the
blotting paper there is in the house. u
| A WESTERN orator who, warming
with his subject, exclaimed "There
is not q man, woman or child in this
house, who has arrived Mt the age oi
fifty years, but has felt this truth thun.
dering through their minds for cen.
turtles"
| A PARTY of young men dined sumptu.
ously at a restaurant in Atlanta, and
each one insisted on paying the bill.
To decide the matter, it was proposed
to blindfold the waiter, and the first
one he caught should pay the bill.
He hasn't caught any of them yet.
! IN THE STRING.
In the spring fuller crimson upon the rob
i ms breast;
In the spring tho wanton lapwjngs gets himself an
| other crest;
In the spring liveler iris changes on the FURNISH
cd;dovc;
thoughts Of love.
In describing the recent debut of .
young lady, whose friends went into
rapturcs over her performance, Jones
says: They applauded her wher
she opened her mouth ; they applaudec
her when she shut it; they applauded
her when she kicked the stool; and
very believe they would have applaud
ed her had she kicked the bucket!'
! ALWAYS have book within your rcacl
which you may catch up ut You ode
minutes. Resolve to edge in little
reading every day, if it is but single
sentence. If you can give fifteen min
utes every day, it will be felt ut the
endof theyear. Regulate your thoughts
when not at study. A man is think
ing, even while ut work. Let him tlinl
we'll.
A YOUNG man was carving goose Al
a dinncr-table one day, when by III
awkward move he knocked it into til,
lap Of Il lady who was sitting opposite
in all the glory of a green satin dress
Instead of showing his verlancy b,
, profusc apologies, and n confused man
ner, he simply said "I'll trouble
: yo,l for that Goose, Miss" Cam til,
annals Of society furnish an example
of self -pOssessiOn more sublime?