The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-03-28

4 Mauch Chunk man has invented machine
for separating coal from slate for which he has
been offered 100000. Almost anybody woulc
give 10000 for one of these machines.
A Boston letter to the Philadelphia Press says
"Nagnctizcd individuals may crawl into the But
Ter collar, but when you see Massachusetts, wrg
gle in will send you weasel SO sound ASLEEP
that he snores, and white blackbird as large as
the American eagle
An Iowa postmaster refused to lick on {
STAMP for one Of his neighbours wives, and The
act Of discOurtesy resulted in his being shot il
the hip. Postmasters can't be too accOmmo
dating
The oldest fireman In Utica died the Other day
and he wanted to be buried with his red shirt on
60 as to be ready for an alarm.
The published plan Of q western scientist foi
producing rain is to be elevate a copper wire by
= balloon, or other means, until its upper end
reaches the clouds" hitch the lower end to a rail
road track, and send up currents of electricity
All farmer has to do for a safeguard against
drought is TO buy balloon, three or four miles
of copper wire, a battery, o railroad, and some
as works
This is the way Susan B. Anthony puts 1t:
Brave men can term fair women
The apple Of their eye"
But when they come TO Office,
NO ladies need apply"
The editor Of the woodford Sentinel writes like
graduate Of the Hartford School of journalism,
with Texas embellishments. He gently polishes
down eotemporary in this wise
The wizzen-faced, knock .kneed, kinky haired
f'ee.lunch fcnd and Asats phenomenon who
pens the articles in TIE Home Journal has at last
become conscencc.stricken,a and his paper is now
sent TO the Metamora House.
still another romantic marriage was consum-
mated in Yamhill county, Oregon, last week The
bridegroom after being knocked down with a
board by his future mother-in-law, got up, land
ed an extmguisher upon her nose, which laid
her out, and then went away with his pet and
rot spliccd
Green Bay CWisj politician, who wants to
stand well with the grangers, sings;
The hickory berry vine entwines
The brown nuts OF the tumip tree,
The cashmere hcfer skips and plays
To the tuneiul blcat Of the fcathery bee,
On tall bOughs mid the bucllwheat bud,
We hear the low Of the lnny plovcr,
While the bay bull hitched t. the rambling
-cythc
Huska out the golden clover.
The CguaD-Jo,uaal allows its proofrcadcr to
70 to prize fights, on steamboat excursions,
down in mines, and up in balloons, but it can't
b.Il him.
81. Louis lawyers are going to demand higher
fees, having ascertaiucd 10y accident that one
lawyers client escaped from lawsuit with TWEEN.
~ shilings cash in his pocket
There is going to be a total eclipse OF the sun
April II, but 1T won't be visible except In Africa
iustWhere they don't care copper for eclipscs
Detroit paper remarks, "Susan B. Anthony
says she'd just like TO see man throw a ilat-irou
at her head" So would we, and wed want it I,
happen about half an hour before one of her lee
tHres
The following atrocious paragraph appears il
an exchange Dorothy Williams, of Wyoming
started TO walk three miles to church the othe
Sunday, and they found her torn into about fifty
pieces, the result of meeting bear whose mora
character was at a low state"
Some young men in Green Bay presented d
preacher with horse and received his heartfelt;
hlahhss ihO N")n "AN'i NHc IlthtulablOu
horse was taken away by the farmer from whom
il had been stolen.
Mrs. Green, a Kansas widow, wants to mar "
again, and as a recommendation, SHE says that
she has used one broom for fourteen years
At revival meeting in Sacramento, recently, al
the ladies who desired TO have their husbands
saved were requested to rise, and fifteen or TWEEN
~ responded promptly. The gentlemen who
wished to have their wives saved were then called
upon to arise, but not QUO stirred from his seat
the brutes! .....-..--
How unsatisfactory, exclainls the Dixon Hs,.
DID, are brief kilograms! Said one the other day
Miss +. 7. Smith died Of old aye ON the car.
from Iowa to her home in Galesburg, H." Now
If We knew from What point In Iowa she started
and her age at that time, how easily we could
judge OF the speed Of those cars and whether the
Jlarsted monopoly" is censurable for permit
ting passengers TO die Of Old age while getting
home from A visit.
The C0'frisr Journal obituaries Sarah Jackson
very eloquently but il strikes Us somewha, equiv.
ocally. as follows: In her life she was a pattern
worthy 10 be followed. and her death, Oh, how
eonsoling 10 her friends"
A lady In Kingston, y. H., has died Of "prO
.rcsstve locomotive ataXia" IL was the general
impression among her acquaintsnces. as coon ss
her disease became known, that she never could