Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-09-30
Wit and HUmOr.

+ ilS llU dl1llCGlOllS
| WHEN is man not man? When he
turns into lane.
WHEN is a literary work like smoke?
| When it rises in volumes.
TEXAS has paper called the Moving
Ball. The editor probably circulates it
with his shotgun. Courier Journal
WHEN q man reminds you that you
owe him, just make a note of it. He
will take more interest in the matter If
you humor him in that way.
"HUsBAND," said the wife of young
clergyman, "read me one of your SER
mons; I feel dreadfully wakeful tonight,
and I wish to sleep"
"WE1I, Pat, Jim didn't quite kill you
with the brickbat, did he % "No; but
I wish he had.'' "Why so?" $50 that
[ could have seen him hung, the vii
lain"
ALEXANDER DUMAS was asked recent
ly why the "gallery' of theatre was
called Paradise, in France. Because"
replied the wit, ''apples are eaten
there"
Chow much for the print 2" Chine
cents, num- g Nineteen cents? I'll
giae you eighteen" &c Nine cents, mum;
you misunderstood me- sob, nine
cents! I'll give you eight.
"YoU are writing my bill On very
rough paper" said client to his attor-
ner. "Never mind" said the lawyer,
60 It has to be filed before it comes into
court.
A POLITICIAN was pinioned, hand and
foot, and laid III the grass on the line of
march Of the Northwestern army of
grasshoppers; but they never touched
him. And thus do our fondast hopes
decay.
The editor Of religious paper is mad
because he undertook to state that Mr..
Spurgeon, in his ''Sword and Trowel,' -
said 50 and SO, and the printer called it
'fShirt and Towel"
JOE JEFFERSON has been performing
in Chicago. When girls there wept at
the SORROWS of his Rip Yam Winkle
other jealous feminines said it was done
just to show new lace handkerchiefs.
':Is the Platte navigable for steam
boats?'' inquired traveller in Union
Pacific railroad train of a Nebraska man.
short time ago. ''Navigable for steam
not even for light draft ducks.-After
Dinner.
JENKINS has become exceedingly de-
PRAYED during the past season. His
last journalistic effort has been to inter
view the chambermaids at the watering
places, to ascertain how many matches,
towels, and cakes Of soap the guests
have carried away with them. Shame,
Jenkins!
Not having been sufficiently thrashed
when boy, Robert =. Johnson now
writes to his mother:
Herewith dear mother 1 send you some birch
Return for the other got when urchin.
You can now see, at your age, what the diff
ference is;
From that came the blue ridge from the Blue
Ridge came this
AT the court of Louis XIV. there
were two fat noblemen-cousins The
king rallied one of them on his corpu-
lency, and added, &c [ suppose you take
little or no exercise 2" Your Majesty
will pardon me- replied the Duke,
g for generally walk two Or three times
around my cousin every morning. .
sYoUR handwriting is very bad IN
deed, said gentleman to friend who
was more addicted to boating than to
study; Efyou really ought to learn to
write better" cay, az" replied the
young man, it IS all very well for you
to tell me that; but if [ were to write
better, people would find out how L
spell.
HUMoR in a country hotel-"My or
ders have not been attended to, said
lady in mountain house; 81 ordered
hot water at seven, and it is now long
after" "Never mind, said her young
inmate, 81 will hail the first porter /
see and tell him that the lady in No. 40
IS DESTROYS of getting herself into hot
water before breakfast The water
came.-Bostop Evening Transcript.
MARY KYLE DALLAS says love-making
is always awkward. GA stolen kiss, if
seen, creates a laugh, squeeze Of the
hand, if detected, is a great JOY. L my
self. who claim to be romantic, did grin
at shadow picture cast upon the wall
of the white garden fence, next door, by
unenvious gas light, when [ saw the
shadow of the young lady with much
waterfall feed the shadow of the young
gentleman with no whiskers with sugar
plums and then kiss it, but the shadows
were very black and took odd drinks in
their noses as they moved to and fro,
and that may have been the cause of my
mlrth.
A STORY is told concerning storm on
Lake Erie, when one Of the passengers
was bemoanlng the critical state in which
the vessel and it's passengers were then
placed, and asked friend if the captain
did not think the vessel was in great
peril. The reply was that he thought
they would get through all right # they
could keep out in deep water. Why,
said the terrified one, ''cant we drown
just as well in deep water as we can ID
shallow" eyes, was the reply, "but
then you know if we keep in deep wa
ter, when the vessel rolls over the masts
won't stick fast in the mud on the bot
70, ho1J -