The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1874-07-15

N4

oi"'Si tCcNSAS''
Why is marriage like a fat pay
ing job? Because the ring fixes it..
Hood called the slamming of the
door by person in passion a wood
en- damn.
Prussia. since its adoption of the
Manser rife, has been selling it's old
needle guns to China.
What are he most unsociable
things in the world? Mile stones.-
You never see two of them together.
There is q Brooklyn man who
wears mourning for his mother-in-
law, He wears it on the lining of his
coat.
The State of Virginia pays $19,-
100000 per annum for whisky, but
cannot meet the annual interest on
her debt
The butter product of this coup-
try is 600,000,000 pounds, and the
cheese exceeds 200,000,000 pounds a
year
Pretty good land can be bought
in South Carolina for five cents per
acre, but there's S24 back tax on ev-
cry acre of it.
The Kentucky topers who sign
ed a petition to have whisky put
down, thought it meant put down to
five cents a glass.
In England man who spent all
his money in dram shop, leaving
his wife to strave, has been convict
cd of manslaughter.
Mrs. Grant cried, Nellie cried,
Sartoris looked sad, the President
blew his nose, and then the newly
married couple went aboard the stea-
ner Bawltic.
There is as much greatness OF
mind in the owing Of good turn as
in doing it; and we must no more
force requital out of season than be
wanting in it. Seneca.
-"Gasoozling' is new slang
word, meaning to "honeyfugle." Il
any one shouldn't know what "hon,
eyfugle'' is, we explain that it is the
synonym for 'hornswoggle."
This is a very rash spring
Nine out of ten men who carry REQ
noses lay it to sometimes throwing
out a rash" There's more lie about
this nose business than there ought
to be.
In Maine, recently, by the adj
vice of clairvoyant, a body was ex.
humed and reburied with the face
downward, as q means Of staying the
ravages of consumption in the
corpse's family.
The standard authorities on En-
rlish ceremonial enumerate no fewer
than ninety seven different kinds OF
men. between each Of whom there is
q perceptible graduation of rank-not
counting common people, who have
no rank at all.
An ardent lover, pouring out his
passionate devotion in verse, spoke
of that night when, walking with his
sweetheart, he s.tissed her under tho
silent stars In print he was made
to say that he "Eiclled her under the
cellar stairs"
In Indiana the bride never ex.
poets to go on q wedding tour, She
steps into the old quill-wheel, hel
mother stufs bag of dried apples
under the seat, her father ties a COW
behind, and the happy couple roll
away to the cottage of the bride
groom.
No corpse can travel on the
Pennsylvania railway, unless it has
ticket, and physicians certificate
rs to what disease it died Of W.
should have thought it might be abl'
to travel as deadhead, but such i;
not the case. This is another argu
ment for cremation.
1t is beautiful sight to attenC
an Arizona wedding. The bride il
white--the happy groom-the sol
emn minister-the smiling parents
and from twenty-five to forty shot
guns standing against the wall read,
for use, make up a panorama no
soon forgotten.
Arizona territory, which is popu
larry believed to be wealthier in min
erals than California or Nevada, i
fast recovering from the prostratio'
caused by Indian raids. Many o
the mines which have lain untouche'
for years on account of the Apache
are again being worked, and the re