Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-11-18

law elect had left the room to search
for her son. There is a rumor that an
engagement is off.
"MINERAL WATER. The other day a
Newark man who went to his well to
draw a pail of water, found that it had
a strong mineral flavor. A chemist
analyzed it and found it to contain ex-
cellent medicinal properties. The
neighbors came in, drank some, and
smacked their lips with a gusto. 1t
was big thing, and no mistake, said
the proprietor. Alas day or two
later, it was discovered that one of the
watts in a neighboring patent-leather
factory was leaking, and the fellows who
had been taking a dozen glasses every
morning for their health are now talking
of bringing suits for damages against
the well man.
A PRIEST who was examining con-
firmation class in the south of Ireland,
asked, "What is the sacrament OF
matrimony?" A bright little girl at
the head of the glass answered, "a
state of torment into which sowls enter
"That's the answer for purgatory,"
said the priest. "Put her down to the
fut of the class" said the subdeacon.
''Leave her Alone" retorted the priest,
'for anything you or l know to the
contrary she may be perfectly right"
'Now THEN, Joseph, parse counting, F"
said teacher to a rather slow boy.
"Courtin' is an irregular active transi-
tive verb, indicative mood, present
tense, third person and singular number.
and so on" said Joseph. "Well, but
what does it agree with ?" demanded
the teacher. SIT agree with all gals in
town !" triumphantly exclaimed Joseph.
SAID one of the chambermaids at a
country hotel: "Do you hear the
dialogue 1 hold, every morning, with
the lady next door? She wished me to
bring her fresh towel every morning,
and l promised to do 50 but when /
leave it she always calls out, Who's
there Z? and / always answer Towels,
though that is not my name"
A GENTLEMAN can stand it to hear a
couple of ladies discuss the fashions for
three or four hours at time, but If he
tarries much longer than that, he gets
jet galloons and cuirass basques most
horribly mixed up with shell jabots on
Vatican folds, and begins to feel that
IL he doesn't get out into the fresh air
pretty soon he'll die.
THE VERY WICKED ONEs.-"Can you
tell me where the wicked boys go who
fish on Sunday ?" asked sober looking
gentleman of a little chap who had
worms and rod. ''Yes some of 'em
goes to the river, and them as is very
wicked goes to the lake. I'll show you
the best place at the lake"
''MAMMA, where do the cows get the
milk ?" asked Willie, looking mp from
the loaming pan of milk which he had
been inte1tly regarding. "Where do
you get your tears ?" was the answer.
After a thoughtful silence he again
broke out mamma, do the cows
have to be spanked ?"
IT WAS lady of fashion who sung,
and friendly critic said, "You may
say of madame as they did of Alboni,
that she has swallowed nightingale.
''Yes, was the answer, but you must
add that she has not digested it."
ALWAYS acknowledge courtesies in a
kindly spirit. Throw bouquet and
card af fbaptc fo a carapaJ,pr ,.ortr &c
not prepared to invite them in. If you
haven't bouquet or a card at hand,
throw a bootjack or brick.
MILTON, the blind author, was one
day asked by a friend of female educa-
tion, if he did not intend to instruct his
daughter in the different languages.
mo, sir" replied Milton, "one tongue
is sufficient for q woman"
ANY man who cares q cent for his
wife's health will take pride in hearing
her around the house at daylight of
winters morning, getting up q red-hot
stove and warming his socks and boots. |
A CINCINNATI young man sent a note
10 his girl asking at what time he should
,all, and received in return the follow
ng brief billet doux:
Deer Jon-Comet afpastate. MARY.
A LADY who says she is the homeliest
in Kentucky, advertises for
husband. He must be middle-aged,
yood-natured, but not beautiful, ''as l
want to love him all myself"
IT IS NEVER too late to mend or to
marry, says a certain writer. But if
you marry a woman who says 'fMend /
can't, you may be a mendicant your
self before long.
LADT-Before l engage you, 1 should
ike to know what your religion is.
Cook-Oh, ma'am always feel it my
duty to be of the same religion as the
family I'm in"
QUILP, who has heretofore been an
Universalist, now thinks there are two
things destined to be eternaIly lost
his umbrella, and the man who stole it.
GAINING IN STRENGTH.-Eggs and
butter are generally, but enormously
as perishable articles, for they
gain in strength as they grow old.
A YOUNG man to "drive a wagon in a
wholesale grocery house" is wanted.
As the route must be a short one the
work will be easy.
"BIDDY, did You put an egg in the
,offee to settle it ?" "Yes, mum put
n four: they were so bad 1 had to use
'our of them"
WHEN bit of ostrich feather is found
Dy a wife in her husbands beard, no
,ne can blame her for being down on
MIN.
WHEN is n wife like a great coat ?
When her husband is wrapped up in
aer.