The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1874-06-16
How Cutter Embalmed His Wife

much everything in our village-was
reading out aloud from one of the papers
about burying dead corpses. The editor
didn't hold with burying Of them, and
said that burning or embalming was the
proper thing. When Slocum had go'
through he said:
"Well, there's Mr. Cutter, now; he
knows all about embalming. And then
he says to me, Scale" my given name
is Caleb-"Cale," says he, "you've had
experience in embalming, haven't you 2
Says l, "By gosh should rather
think l had" .s
His remark set me thinking, and that's
how it comes round that l am writing
my experience to you. It's all very well
for people to talk about embalming de
ceased corpses, but it's the Christian du
ty of those who have tried it, and found
what plague they are, to expose the
hollowLess of an enbalmed corpse. I've
tried it, and there isn't the least particle
of comfort in the thing.
1t happened this way. My wife died
three years ago. Ded very sudden,too
1t was something. about her liver. There
is great deal of liver complaint thai
people don't know of. There was my
wife's cousin who come to visit at oul
house ten years ago. He thought he
had the rheumatism, but knew better.
Hank" says I, you've got the liver
complaint"
"Liver, be hanged" says he. "How
can a man have the liver complaint in
the knees2'' -.
"The liver" says I, "can break out
anywhere. l know liver complaint wIer
| see it, and yo've. got it," ar
Well, convinced him after while
and he took to taking some liver pills
disremember the name of them just
now. 1t was only two years afterward
that he could walk as straight as any
body. So you see was right.
AS I was saying, my wife died. was
remarkably fond Of her, as any mar
ought to be whose wife was an orphan
and could bake the most beautiful pie:
in onr section of the country. She dice
on Monday, and that evening, as wa:
sitting on the piazza, along came DR.. Sa
bin. .... .,-t......i r..
Most likely you know the doctor. A
smart man but, as you say, a little toe
fond of the intoxicating element.
knew him when he was in the army. HI
was not an army surgeon, but he was il
the embalming business. Whenever HI
would get good paying corpse he'C
come over to my tent was regimenta
sutherland drink whisky in way ths
was really disheartening. Why, I've
charged that man five dollars a drink
just to try to exert good influence owe
him, but he'd drink and drink so long a.
he'd got a cent left. -.-----= - Z s.
Well. Lhatsn,t seen the doctor sinc'
the war, and was really glad to NEE
him again. He was looking very bad
and pretty we'll used up. He sat dowr
and told me what streak Of bad lucl
he'd had, and wanted to know if coult
get him job. Now, you see, l wanted
to help him along for the sake of OLE
times, but the more I thought the NOR
l couldn't see my way All of a suddel
I happened to think about the embalm
ing business, and ! says to him:
"Haye you done any embalming late
ly?"
"No," says he. sfor the reason tha
deceased corpses are all buried nova
days. l only wish that could get on
that the friends wanted to preserve,
says he. ,re, ---- -....
"By gosh,'' says l, 81 can give you
JOB, right off, embalming my wife. She
laid out up stairs at this very minute" "
"Done,' says the doctor. "And r.
make the prettiest job out of her yo
ever saw yet"
You see, l wanted to put little mon
ey in an old friends pocket, and then
calculated the job would cost a goo,
deal less than regular funeraE Tn
coffin would naturally be a dead los
since it had been ordered, and as
wouldn't fit any Of the children, VIII
were small enough to roll all around i
it, couldn't put it to any profitable USE
Still, embalming her was cheaper tina
burying her, so 1 told the doctor to g
ahead and do his best. ...,..ir :.
Well, it turned out as handsome
corpse as ever saw. l was real prou
of it. Her features were natural, ,thoug
she was so we'll done that she sounde
just like piece of stonework when yo
tapped her with hammer or somethin
like that. l paid the doctor $40 and b
went away contented, and l took m
wife and set her up in the dining ROOF
lust between the windows.
Here my troubles began. The neigf
bors began to find iauit,an said show
ed sad want of feeling in setting he
up in the dining room and showing be
to everybody that came in. l couldn
convince them to the contrary, and Sc
for the sake Of avoiding strife and cor
tention, moved her into the back hal
after some of the young men had begu
to talk about getting up a subscriptio
to buy gallon of tar.
Things went along well enough for
while, when one day found that tn
children had got her into the back yart
under tent, and was exhibiting her ft
ive cents sight to all the children
town. Just con6scated the money an
gave my boys good thrashing. "Spo
spare child with the rod,' says Solt
mon, "and when he is old he won't d
part from it." That's always my mott,
and try to live up to it. . -.
put her up in the spare chamber th
time and locked her in. That night
heard tremendous fall up stairs, and
the morning there was my wife falle
over into the washstand and all tt
crockery smashed to pieces. She'd broE
off her nose aud one ear besides, and
my best / could not stick them on agai
with glue or anything.
She always did stand very ticklish, ar
l often regretted that hadn't asked Il
doctor to run pound or two of lead
her feet just to keep her right side up.
After this / slowed her in the garre
but l couldn't get hired girl to stay
the place on account of her thoug
one time I'd trade her to Barnum, b
happening to mention it to some of II
folks in town, they convinced me that
wouldn't be wise. ] always did hate di
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