Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-03-06

While the Philadelphia doctors are
bothering themselves about the Siamese
twins, their patients are all getting well.
One OF the characters of Sardou's
Lies Marvcillsuses" is closhed with a.
soap bubble. The garment will never
become fashionable, however, even in
warm climates.
Old Curmudgcon, who has always
hated the small boy, expresses his graft.
fication at the mildness of the winter.
He expects much from the thinness Of
the ice this year.
The Duluth man who was married
sometime ago on the ice, is At present
industriously hunting around for his
wife. He, dida't think anything could
be more slippery than ice.
This is one Of the latest Danbury nut.
megs A Franklin street man had no
milk for his coffee Thursday morning,
his wife being too i'll to shovel path
before the milkman made his rounds.
What is heavens best gift to man ?"
asked young lady in Esscx street, Sun
day night, smiling sweetly on pleasant.
looking clerk "a hoss." replied the
young man with great prudence.
A negro who had learned to read,
wishing to give an Idea Of it to some Of
his acquaintances who had never seen
book, said: "Readin' is de power oh
hearin' wild de eyes instead Oh de car"
A Virginia darkey gives the following
reason why the colorcd race is superior
to the white: CAN men are made of
clay, and like the meerschaum pipe they
are more valuable when highly color
Cd"
Barrel races ON skates are the Order
Of the day at Montreal just now. The
competitors have their bodies cncased in
barrels, which must be very convenient,
for buoys in case of breaking through
the ice.
A Sacramento dealer in hair oil, who
sold on the principle of "no cure no
pay" has sued one Of his bald headed
customers. and the latter demands
baldheaded jury, in order that he may
tried by his peers.
This is a very crooked path" said
Jones to Brown, ns they wound up the
side Of Montauvut. "Crooked!" was the
reply, at is so confounded zigzag you
can stand with one foot on the zig and
the other on gag without any difficulty"
Smith has novel way of putting
things to his young folks. He says:
Don't catch cold nor get the neasels
or such things this winter. Times are
so bad we can't afford funeral" Smith
ought to be Congressman or an auction
ecr.
Gail Hamilton says . child is mosaic
Of his ancestors. getting for instance,
brightness from his mother, deception
from his father, a furious temper from
his uncle, and selfrestraint from his
aunt" That last clause is often particu.
larry true.
II fear" said country minister to his
congregation, when told you in my
last charity sermon that philanthropy was
the love Of our specie. some must have
| understood me to say specie, which may
account for the smsllness of your contri.
buttons"
"rhate just the kind Of an umbrella
that people appropriately in other
words hook" said Smiggles to a compan-
ion this morping, showing very hand.
some silk parachute. YES" quietly re-
marked his companion. II thought so
when l saw you have it,"
A New Hampshire lecture committee
wrote to Boston to learn what Mrs. Scott
Siddons would read for The reply was:
"Threc hundred dollars and expenses.
Answer, as Mrs Siddons will sail for
Europe at once if you don't want her"
Let her SAIL" WAS the answer.
A certain up town grocer informs the
public by placard that handsome ma.
pie sugar. may be obtained within. No
doubt he has for sale dignifed bar soap,
elegant mackerel, pretty molasses, lovely
ham, delightful saleratus, charming tur-
rips and bewitching Goldfish.
"A horse A horse My kingdom for
q horse" cried celebrated tragedian,
lately "Wonldnta Jackass do as wells"
enquired an affected young man, rising
in his seat. "Yes," triumphantly ex.
claimed the actor; Just step up this way
sir" The young man sat down.
An Ohio mathematician has discover
ed that one man dies from the use Of
alchOl every seven minutes, and that
those who have died from its effects dur
ing the last fry years would bridge the
American continent from ocean to ocean,
allowing three feet to each body.
Jordan Overssreet, of Little Rock,
Ark, is q sensible rascal. He was ad.
judged by a jury to one year in the peni.
tentiary, and his lawyer made . motion
for new trial. But Jordan, with live
ly sense Of the laws delay and uncertain.
ty, asked to be sent to the penitentiary
at once.
Three women have petitioned Congress
for permission to dig hole twenty feet
deep on Goat Island. in San Francisco
Bay, to take out " some minerals suppos.
ed to be there deposited" and of which
they claim to have description, and to
do this without outside interference, or
II nolestation.
Boy Mamma, papa is getting very
rich, isn't he ?" Mamma II don't
know; why child ?" Boy: "Causs he
gives mo SO much money. Almost every
morning after breakfast, when Sallie Is
sweeping the parlor, he gives me . six
pence to go out and play" Sallie reeciv.
ed short notice to quit"
"Got anything for sick man to ready"
inquired pugnosed boy at news stand
the other day. "Yes, anything you
want-Bibles. poems. religious books,
Christian Herald, and so FORTH" replied
the clerk. Bibles ~ echoed the boy
"do you think dads h'angei! Gimme
q lively dime novel-one with an Injun
sculping soldier ~
The New York Nail says that q cele.
brated artist in that city isspainting the
portraits Of six of the most beautiful
young ladies in New York in one large
group. The young ladies' are to repre-.
sent nations, and the picture is to be ex.
hibited and sold for the benefltof church
now heavily 10 debt. The artist does his
work without compensation, and his sub.
jects all volunteered ito sit" inasmuch a.
it was for charity"
Having 10 preach in the pulpit in the
town in which he found his wife, on the
Sabbath after his marriage, ,one maladroit
minieter-who had grown iron gray
as a bachelor - in his simplicity
so far forgot all suggestions possible
to the occasion, a. to announce as his
text Job xxx, 2. and read amid the
painful titters of the people: 20 that