The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-11-07

LOOKING Our FOR Row The
United States Chief of Ordnance is
evidently anxious to take stock in the
next war that may be moving around
anywhere. In his annual report, it
seems he fsvors an accumulation of
500, 900 OF the Springfield breeoh- load
ing arm, as '..measure Of economy"
and q ''reserve in case OF war" Eve
ry years delay" he urges, ''is fraught
with danger" and can increase in the
appropriation for arming and equip.
ing the whole body Of the militia is
again brought to tho attention Of Con-
grees." OF course. it il right and pru-
dent to be on the safe side. but ut pre-.
has excited General Benet. The At
torneJ General. @ho is NOW special
com mander OF the nrmy aud navy, may
have been giving him some OF his high
military inspiration on the strength of
Nerrill's reports from Louisiana, and
Hester's from Alabama. or McDuwell's
general report. which conveys the
nA.ldening intelligence thnt within
twelve months one United Stut.s sol.
dier has been slightly Injured by the
detestcd Southern white man. II it is
an outside war. we'll may we ask,
Where is tho enemy?" Probably the
manufacturing interest Involved Is also
III u highly exci'eh and prophetic hn-
NOR. aud 5000. eco ycar for eight or
ten years would prove extremely suuth-
ing aud paciticator!.
The AVERAGE BARBER --Ha is in IL
state Of perspirutiou and is greasy; he
wears II paper cullnr; his fingers are
pudgY and Ills nails are in mourning,
evidently for SON. near relation; he
sulps ahd ships away, pinching your
jaw uutil you think he must have cut
oft enough hair to gill IL mattress. lie
always says: Shampoo, sn ?" to which
You say, "No," aud he says, "E;l,
sill p to which yon reply. "Nu!' Two
octaves higher, Heads very dirty.
sah;' To Which. If you have experience.
you respond: Il always have it ST., :"
aud cut off further tlcbu,r Bat he
has his revenge. He draws his fingers
in II pot of axle.grcase, scented with
maak and age. aud befure you can di-
vine his fearful intent, sncars It all
over your head, aud rnbs it in until
you look like an animated gun swab
Then he showers weak bay rum down
your back and over yonr shirt, iuge-
niously arranges yonr locks in y WY
that would make Socrates look like ii
| thunder blasted idiot, and collects his
stipend with uu air OF virtnous conde-
sccnsion. A yun put your hat on, yon
ara assaulted by smnll boy with /,
large brush. who punches you in the
| abdomen with tho straw enl, raps yonr
ribs With the handle, aud conducts his
movement, with such nhnsteriy strategy
that you must fall over him or pi,iubly
bribe him with ten cents to let yo,,
out
How is it that girls can always tell a
married man from n single one? The
fact is indisputable. Dlackwooi says
that "the fuct of mntrim0ny or bache-
lorship is written SO legibly in man 's
appearance, that no ingenuity can con
ceal it. Everywhere there Is some in-
explicuble instinct that tells us whe.
ther an individual (whose name, for
tuue and circumstances are totally uu-
KNOWN ba or be not a married man.
| Whether it is q certain subdued look,
such AS that whieh characterizes tue
lions In d menagerie. aud distinguishes
them from the lords of the desert, we
cannot tell; but tina. the truth is SO, we
positively affirm"
MATRIMoSY AND PURaAToKY A
priest who was examining coatirma.
ton class 10 tho South of Ireland
asked. What is the sacrament ol
matrimony?" a bright little girl ut
the head of the class answered.: ga
state Of torment into which sow!s enter
to prepare for better worrnld.
THAT'S the answer for purgatory,' y
said the priest. "Put her down fut oil
the class" said the sub deacon. "Lnve
her alone" retorted the priest. 'for
anything you or 1 know to the con-
trury, she may bo perfectly right"
| II the old man will insist on tukiDg d
smoke after going to bed al night. the
sooner the house is insured for twice
it3 value the more complacent will b.
tho feelings of the relatives who stand
by when the fremen hunt among the
ruins for his bones. -.DeirOH Free Press
a trunk checked for Chicago at the
depot. yesterday, had the following in
scription pasted on it: "For Heaven
sake, play light on this trunk. AL
| I've got is in IT. and every cent in nv