Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-02-21
From Ra"doipn enterprise,
GRANGE SECRETS REVEALED
How LIMITATIONS are Conducted.

u
How limitations are Conducted.
On being brought into the ante
room of the lodge (Greengr0cer
Temple, No. 101,) / was told that
1 had been ballotted for and ac-
cepted. My Informant, who was
securely masked, by what I AFTER
wards learned was y large burdock
leaf perforated with holes for the
eyes, told me that ii / valued my
life it would be necessary for me
to strip. AS / did consider that of
considerable worth to me, and as
he italicized his wishes by care
lessly playing with q seven
shooter. / withdrew my garments
with eagerness. My masked
friend then furnished me with the
regalia Of the first dsgree-called
1.-THE Festive Ploughb0y"-which
consisted merely of one large cab
bage-leaf attached to waistband
of potato-vines. In this airy cos
tune was conducted to the door,
where my companion gave three
distinct raps. i was securely
blindfolded by binding a slice of
rutabaga over each eye.) A sep
ulchral voice from within asked
"Who comes 20
My guide answered: "a youth
full agriculturist who desires to be-
come a granger"
Sepulchral voice-Have you
looked him carefully over?
Guide I have, noble gate-keeper.
S. V.-Do you find any agricul-
tural marks about his persons?
Guide-I do.
S. V.-What are they?
Guide-1he candidate has ca
rotty hair, reddish whiskers, and
a turnupl nose.
S. Wis well. Why do you
desire to become a granger?
n Guide answering for candidate)
That may be thereby the bet
/, ter enabled to harrow up the feel
ings of the Iascally politicians,
~ s. YOU will bring in the
candidate. My worthy stripping,
as you cannot see / will cause you
to feel that you are received with
la pitchfork, piercing the Eegion-
of the stomach, which Is to teach
you three great virtues faitiI,
hope and charity. Faith in your
self, hope for cheaper farm ma
chinery, and charity for the light
ning-rcd pedler. You will now
be harnessed, and in representa-
ton ofthe horse Pegasus, will be
tested as to endurance and wind.
The candidate is here attached
to "a small imitation plough by
means of hempen harness. A
dried pumpkin-viDe is put in his
mouth for "A bit and bridle-he is
made to get down upon all tours,
the guide seizes the bride, and
urged on by granger armed with
Canada thistle, the candidate is
galIoped three stimes around the
loom. While making the circuit
the members arise and sing:
Get up and dust you bully boy
Who wouldn't be q granger
If the thistle's prick don't cause you
JOY,
To feeling you must be estranged, oh /.
After this violent exercise he is
rubbed dry with corn-cobs, bees
waxed with thistle, and brought
standing up before the great chief
the most worshipfui pumpkin
head. H
M. w. p. H.-Why do YOU de-
sire to be granger?
Candidate answering for him.
self)-That / may learn to extin-
guish sewing-machine agents.
M. w. +. H.--Have your
hands been hardened with toll?
Candidate Not extensively,
but then am not running for
office
M. w. p. III. (savagely)-give
me chaw of tobacker.
Candidate, searching himself
Thoroughly, but as there is no
place about him to stick a pocket
tries to explain, but the Most
Worshipful Pumpkinhead inter-
rupts him with
"Never mind, my dear, young
friend. am well aware that in
your present condition you can no
more furnish your friends with
the weed than Adam could be
comfortable in a plug-hat and
tight boots. 1t is merely TO teach
you the great lesson of economy
doing to others as you'd like TO
have them do to you. You will
now be conducted to the Most
Eminent Squash Producer, who
will teach you the grand hailing-
sign Of distress. The sign, my
worthy brother, will insure you
against many Of the ills Of the
pgriculturi-t amongst others,
against droughts and being bit by