Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-02-04
Humorous.

Humorous.
SAN WELLER on THE East RvxR.-
Sam Weller was seated on the quarter
deck of a coal-barge not far from the
Brooklyn Navy Yard summing himself q
day or two ago, when the following incl
dent occurred, which he relates in his
own Characteristic way: I was sitting
takin' it easy like, says Sam, when up
steps gentleman and says, ''You don't
remember me?" "Can't say I do"
says 1. "Oh, I know you" says the
gen1m'n; "knowed You when You was
boy" says he. "Well, I don't remem-
Der you," says !. 'That's VERY odd,
says the genTm'n. "Werryi" says I.
s'You must have a bad mem'ry," says
the gen1'm'n. "Well, it isn't very
prime on recollectin'," says I. Then
he grows more confidentialer and says,
sits a VERY narrer channel here for
Spanish big 'un to get through 2" "It
is rather narrer," SAYS /. ''Nasty bit y
says he "and more especialer if suthin'
should upset and get stuck in the mud,
what couldn't be dug up less nor a
fortnight or so, till this Cuby questions
riz off the public mind w EVERY nasty
sitiwation," says 1. "Well," says the
genTm'n, you're a VERY good barge
own barge" "It's VERY kind of you'll"
says I, concealin' suthin' as he handed
over to me. "Good afternoon - says
the genTm'n. "Good afternoon !"
says L. And you wouldn't b'ieve,
p'raps, but next mornin' afore daybreak
barge was upset on that werrry spot
as the gen1'm'n p'inted out /!
ANECDorE OF WEBsTER.-At the city
dinner on the Fourth of July, 1859, in
Faneuil Hall, Boston, DR.. r. 81. Neale,
chaplain of the day, turning to the pic
ture of Webster replying to Hayne,
remarked that he spent his youthful
days in Washington, witnessing the
scene there portrayed and hearing the
address in which was first uttered that
great sentiment, "Liberty and union,
now and forever, one and inseparable," !"
and related an amusing incident which
happened to Mr.. Webster Just after the
great speech. For the purpose of q
little relaxation, he went to Virginia
with some friends. They called at a
farmhouse and asked for some milk and
water to drink. The good woman of
the house went to get some. Her hus-
band, who had been intently reading
newspaper, containing Mr.. Webster's
speech, asked Mr.. W.:
''Do you know Webster?" e
"Yes, believe I do" was the reply.
swell, how does he look?
"Rather savage" said Mr.. Webster.
''They say he looks like me-"
"Well, are you Webster?"
"Yes. they say am, and I suppose
it is So"
By this time the wife came in with
the milk and water.
"Carry that back carry that back T.
said her husband. "This is Daniel
Webster. Make pitcher of hailstorm !;
nothing but hailstorm will do for
Webster"
A BOYS IDEA-A si1-year-old genius
who lives out West rejoices in the name
of Henry. One day Henry's mother
was ironing out some recently washed
linen, Henry stood by and intently
watched the facility with which the
wrinkles disappeared upon the advent
of the fat-iron. From time to time he
glanced uneasily at his somewhat an
cient papa, who lay recumbent upon
sofa, dreaming the happy hours away.
The youth gazed with sorrow upon the
burrows that remorseless time had
ploughed upon the once alabaster brow
of his dad, and then was the future
voter seized with brilliant idea. Dur
ing temporary absence for few mo-
ments lof the female stay and prop of
the house our hero seized a fat-iron,
and tip-toeing softly to his fathers side,
began industriously smoothing ana
ironing out the wrinkles from that gen.
tleman's forehead. The father dreamed
that he was standing on his head In the
centre of Vesuvius during an eruption,
and reversed his offspring for ten min
utes. Henry has ceased to slide down
stair balustrades for the present, and
the untamed rocking-horse prances in
silence while Henry's papa patronizes
molasses and cotton to an alarming
extent.
"ALLS FISH THAT CONES TO MI NET.
Nice little girl-"Oh, Mr.. Brown,
give me one of the fish you've been
catching"
Brown (who rather fancies himself,
and does all he can to keep up the char
acter)-"I haven't been fishing, my
dear I've been for a row."
Nice little girl-"Why, Emily was
looking at you through telescope, and
said you did nothing but catch crabs"
Brown retires, smiling painfully, and
reads his "sloper" upside down.
A MAN, who was undoubtedly insane
on the subject of religion, entered one
of the Detroit telegraph Offices the other
day and wrote the following message:
"To the Lord in Heaven-Where shall
I go next? The world is growing worse
and worse every day. There is not an
honest Christian in America" He was
informed that the Western Union line
didn't connect with the other world,
and he went to see about mailing a
letter.
"Ir is a standing rule in nv church."