Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1874-12-31
Hopkins Mistake.

Lemuel Hopkins lives in the country
near Oshkosh. Practically Lemuel
knows little about the wickedness of
great city. Theoretically he knows
pretty near all that is to be known. He
has read the newspapers thoroughly for
dozen years, and, without having seen
single game Of three-card monte, faro,
OF any Of the tricks which gamblers de-
light in, he can tell you how each is
played and just where the swindle comes
in. Mr.. Hopkins has devoted particular
attention, however, to the celebrating
receptions of bunko, and has read and
laughed at the cute way in which
shrewd professor has "roped in" an in
nocent countryman till the tears ran
down his face. He has seen, in his
minds eye, Jones, who halls from Pike
County, lcisurely sauntering up Clark
street, amazed at the crowds of
people and the beautiful sights in
the windows. He has seen the young
man with the honest face approach
him and say: "Good morning,
Mr. Brooch" He has heard the surprised
countryman remarking, "Guess you're
mistaken" and the nice young man re-
plying, els 1t possibles Isn't this Mr.
Brown, of Milwaukee," and then heard
Jones returning, My name is jones;
I'm from Pike County" Then he has
seen that polite young man apologiziHg
and going on down the street while the
countryman pursued his way. And then
Hopkins has looked further and beheld
Jones at the next corner, his hand sud-
denly grasped and wrung by an enthusi-
astic man in red neck-tie and pepper
10 hn t.
Jones, how do you dor Don't you know
meS Hows all the folks down in Pikes'
And Jones, looking close in the face
saying, swell, bless me, If you hain't
got the advantage. don't remember
you" The young man explains. He
was down in Pike last year
selling sewing machines, or patent
rights, or something, and saw Jones;
knows Old Coupons, the President of
the First National, and a lot of the bust
ness men there, whom he names Jones
can't just recollect, but that don't matter.
He goes for little beer with the friend
who is so glad to meet him, and then -.
He returns home, another victim to the
wiles of city sharpers.
Now Hopkins is well up in all these
things so far as reading can make him
so. He has told his neighbors that a man
is blamed fool who will be roped in in
that way. Says Hopkins, throwing back
his head, half closing his eyes, and smil-
ing wisely: "rd jest like to see some of
them coons try that game on me; that's
all. Theiell be fun when they do, you
know
II was thus, with all his wits about
him, that Hopkins had occasion to visit
the city. He arrived Wednesday He
had some way got the impression that
about the first thing they did in Chicago
was to pounee on fellow from the
country, TO cali him by name, and pro-
coed to victimize him, and so from the
moment when the train entered the city
limits Hopkins had his Oshkoshian eye
open and his fist doubled for business
He finally stepped from the cars and
made his way through the depot. He
momentarily expected fellow to hail
him, and he was ready to respond As he
came out on the sidewalk man In cap
and shaggy overcoat threw up his hand
at him and cried: "Have a carriage,
Capy" and Lemuel paused a moment
and looked at him, thinking 1t was just
possible the man had lisped his
name. The hackman thought this
token Of irresolution, and stepped
forward, offering to take him any
place In the city with the speed Of the
wind, but he backed out quick enough
when Lemuel looked him sternly In the
face ain imputed whether the man sup
posed ne did not understand his businessi
Then Mr.. Hopkins went on. He went
down Canal TO Madison and down Madi.
son to La Sale. The sights in the streets
had no charms for him. He was waiting
for the foe to put In an appearance, and
with his oil-cloth sachel In his left hand
and the other swinging free strobe ma
iestically along. All at once hand was
laid on his shoulder. Turning about
Lemuel beheld an elderly gentleman of
respectable appearance smiling upon
him. Extending his hand, the stranger
spoke: Isn't this Mr. Hopkins, of
OshkoshYp Fatal words. No sooner had
he uttered them than Mr.. Lemuel Hopkins
dropped his oil-cloth sachel and planted
q blow between the strangers eyes which
felled him like beef. And then the en-
ragged Hopkins proceeded TO kick the
PROSTATE man and jump up and down on
his stomach until the cries of the victim
called an immense concourse of people
and two police officers, the latter Of
whom led the frantic Lemuel away pranc-
ing like a race-horse. Then inquiries
were made az TO the cause of ali this.
F" What did you do TO him 2" asked an
officer of the strange gentleman. Moth
ing under heavens" responded the bat
tered man. What did he do to your"
queried some one of Lemuel. ASKED
me If my name wasn't Hopkins, of Osh-
kosh," replied Lemuel; "me" swell,
what Of THAR" said the officer; "isn't
IL ?" "Of course 1t Is, returned Lemuel;
I" bat you know well enough what the
thief wanted"
The spectators looked at each other
and winked, and shook their heads, and
tapped them significantly In token that
Lemuel required the best of care, low
diet, and perhaps a strait.jacket.
f" Now, lookee here" said the officer TO
Mr.. Hopkins, "ysu come with me-"
+" Whatr' exclaimed Lempel, "are you
going to take me, and let that robbcr
COY"
The stranger, who by this time had
pretty nearly recovered his senses, now
stepped up and said: There must be
some fearful mistake about this. Amt
your name Hopkinss" As he made the
inq uiry he kept ut safe distance, ready
"a