Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-12-31
Rstride of a Pig.

James G. Clark declares against the
hog, and says that "Noah, in cursing
Ham, missed it in not extending the
curse to side-pork, spare-rib, sausage and
souse." We suspect he is prejudiced,
and we have this story of his to bear out
our suspicion:
1t was the 28th day Of the leafy
month of June" We had just moved
proudly and gracefully into our new tow
pants, and crowned our golden summit
with new palm-leaf hat, purchased that
morning by our father for a birthday
present, when we were startled by the
Sharp voice Of our older brother, exclaim-
ing:
flames, have you fed the pig?"
We responded:
"No blast the pig"
But a sober second thought reminding
US that we had been elected that week
to furnish piggie his rations, we filed
the swill-pail, and, at the suggestion of
our good sister Eliza, holding it care
fully away from our clean tow pants, :"
we proceeded to the hog pasture.
Piggie saw as from afaT and came
down the slope like a white streak, ut
tering as he ran a long-drawn eloquent
exercise in the chromatiC scale some
what like third-class opera singer and
which ended in an abrupt grunt and
sa0a8h as nose and forefeet went into the
trough. After eating the meal and up
setting the dish piggie looked up with
half-satisfled expression, as much as to
say, That's all right, what there was of
it; but why didn't you bring more?"
This exhibition of gratitude was so
much like that frequently displayed by
human hogs in return for blessings from
a higher source that we felt drawn to the
animal, and though we had never heard
of Darwin then we Immediately con-
ceived the idea Of endeavoIing to bring
him under the control of those influences
we sometimes employ for the conversion
of other creatures into pets and friends
Of human beings.
Bending softly over him, and laying
our hand gently on that portion Of the
head where Fowler would locate the
bump of pprobativeness, we said,
Good piggie." Piggie looked down
modestly, and Endorsed the compliment
with smothered grunt.
Encouraged by his tractability,. we
quietly patted him, and added, " Nice
pigg5e" He responded by thrusting his
muddy shoulder against our clean tow
pants for the expected scratch" At
this we lost our patience, and, dealing
him blow across the nose with the
swill-pail, we screamed, Whe-e, y0u
djrtv Satan" Then piggie drew back a
step or two, looked at US maliciously
through his twinkling, half-shut eyes,
and, briefly remarking GOSH" made a
sudden charge upon the swill-pail, which
he pushed directly between the legs of
our clean tow pants. The next in
slant we were each side of that pig, with
our face toward that part Noah Cursed
our right hand clinging to the bail of the
swill-pail, into which piggie had thrust
his long nose, while our left hand was
glued closely to that member of the
brute's body which old fogies claim to be
totally unfit for whistletimber.
In this way we - rode and we ran" in
manner that would have astonished the
Scottish Chiefs who chased young Lord
Lochnivar," till at last the bail of the
swill-pail gave out, and piggie slipping
from under his rider left US, with a sud
den change of base, in the vilest portion
of the pasture. When we reappeared at
the house our new tow pants and our
birthday hat were so demoralized that
our own sister did not recognize US. But
we had the proud satisfaction of wiring
ing the carnal conceit and the worldly
ambition out of that pigs tail forever!-
american Rural Home.