Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-07-09
FacetiH.

FacetiD.
How to prevent bad drcams-Dul't
60 to sleep.
10 learn tho value Of moncy--Try to
borrow 1t.
A STAMP you can't buy-Thc stamp Of
n gentleman.
A WosIAN's love for q military officer
is generally uniform.
SENTIMENT for tho President Of the
French rcpublic-LOok ont for the
Mahon-beg pardol-tho main chance.
WHY is q person afflicted with lum-
bagO like IL man smoking penny
cigar? Because his back is bad O,accy'y
bad.
WHAT is the difference between q tube
and ~ foolish Dutclnnan? One is y hol-
low cylinder and the other is Il silly
Hollander.
Or Il miscrly man who died of soften
ing of the brain, n local paper said:
ellis head gave away, but his hand
never did. His brain softcncd, but his
heart couldn't"
A "HONEYMOoN car" is now on the
Pacific railway for the purpose of bridal
parties. 1t hns comcly as we'll us q
honey-combly appearance; is full of
sweets and is full of sells.
HERE is il laconic description of q
fight i'll New Orleans: "Vincent Blood
(colorcdD cut VIM. Thompson's (colorcd)
throat. Thompson was trying to bite
Blood's (colored nose off:
OUR valetudinarian being told by his
medical adviser that he must wear
thicker boots, replies that when fell
low has to walk through so much water,
pumps would be more appropriate.
MY man, what's your charge for
rowing across the Firth p Boatman-
"Weel, sir, was jist tlinkin' Gamma
break the Sawbath day for no less than
fifteen shull'ns !''-Pu,sch.
IT is said that an Aberdeen school
master used towrite poetry when boy.
and had a reputation in that line ex-
tending over an area of country three
miles long, four miles wide, and mile
thick.
A CINCINNATI editor, who has indulg
cd in q heavy life insurance., is said to
be followed whenever he goes fishing
by several insurance agents, affection
ately bearing ife-preserver and sun
umbrellas.
REhApsE:-Squire- Why, Pat, what
IRE you doing standing by The wall of
tho public house? I thought You were
Il tectotaller 2" Pat-sYes yer honor.
I'm just listcnin' to them impenitent
boys drinkin insidc!''
A WESTERN paper says that the first
duty of the grangers is to extinguish
every orator who begins his speech
with 81 have not the good fortune to
be a farmer but have always felt the
most profound interest in the truly
noble and predominant pursuit of agri.
culture, and never was the interest
greater than now"
! MENDELssoHN was, when q youth,
clerk to a very commonplace, in fact
stupid, employer. One day IN &C
quaintancc commiseratcd the clever lad
on his position, saying, "What a pity
It. is that you are not master, and hf
clerk" sob, my FRIEND" returned
Mendclssohn, edo not say that. If he
were my clerk, what on earth could ]
do with him."
CONVERSATION between an inquirine
stranger and steamboat pilot: "Tha1
is Black Morntain?" eyes, sir
highest mountain above Lake George.
"ADy story or legend connected will
that mountain?" ''Lots of 'cm. Two
lovers went up that mountain once ani
) never came back again." "Indecd
Why, what became of them?" Gwen
down ON the other side"
"a coFF1N-MAKER in our vicinity,
says the Lawrence (Mass.) American
"was always noted for having IN ey'
to business, and short time ago, upol
the death Of a citizen, friend went t.
old crossbones, and asked him to go t
the home and take Dimensions for
. coffin. No need Of it, no need of it,
, remarked tho undertaken, IFS dow
!, there 'tother day, and kinder eyed hin
,, over The same man last winter had
. large stock of collins on hand, and OF
being asked if they would all be needle.
: that winter, he replied with glisteninl
y eye, L hope so, [ hope SO. >"
+ AT large dinner party once, TIL
= poet Rogers was speaking of the incon
! venience of having windows formed o
one piece of glass. "They look as
there were no glass;" he said. 81
short time ago, as I sat at the tabl
: with my back to one of these panes,
appeared to mo that the window wa
> open and such was the force of imagi
! nation, That I actually took cold.
r. "Dear NC, said MIR. Babbage, who ST
y opposite, chow odd it is, Mr.. Rogers
that you and should make such yer
different usc of the faculty of imagilll
}, ton. When sleep unexpectedly ava
from home, and consequently have IL
d night-cap, I should naturally cate
o cold. But, by tying a piece of pacl
thread tightly round my head, 60 t
8 sleep, imagining I have niglt-cap OF
a and catch no cold ut ALL"
. A CURIOUS coincidence lately hal
q q pened at Liege. A foreign merchal
came to that town to look up som
9 debtors, and, meeting one of them j
the street, observed that he was lookin
u for him, as he thought it was high tim
9 that the account between them shout
c be settled. II should be only to
=; = glad replied NJ. X, .'but you canne
. said the creditor, II shall have recours
to extreme measures" "Now I thin
{; of it, cried x, II shall soon recei,
IN important legacy. I will, therefor,
y give you bill ut three months for til
u whole amount, and this I promise I
J meet" Every we'll where shall I fin
= you?" inquired the merchant. "a
Q No. % Rue Robermont." The bill la,
!, ing become due, last week, clerk ".
!; sent by the creditor to the above az
IL dress. AS No. 20 proved to be I'll
:. cemetery, tho messenger suspected
x joke, but nevertheless inquired of tt
u porter whether NJ. X. was within
" I" ''Certainly," replied the man, "he h.
. been here since yesterday" "I ~
u come about q bill" "a bill upon X
> tell you he was buried yesterday"
" had only intended to play al unwortl
u trick upon his creditor, but lie actual
= = died q little before the expiration of IL
W three months, and, therefore, actual
II occupied the mournful abode he la
W named in a Jest.
Lake 1iticaca,
:, This is the most singular and int
: resting lake in the world. Situated Q
~ the crest of the Andes, 1t is the higle'