South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-03-20

Entering the vestry, he dotted his coat and vest
previous to DOMINIC the cassock and cloak, and
looked round for the looking-glass which gene
rally forms a part of the vestry furniture lie
searched however, in vain. At last, losing pa
thence, be cried out, Church ofisaw church
ofhsaw % After calling out some time. the head
of a gray haired man peered in at the door. and
stentorian voice demanded, "Whats yer
wullr' where's the mirraw p demanded The
minister. "Sr p said the other. "The mir
raw-the looking glass;" said the minister inn
patiently. go, the lookin' glass Ye see, oor
minister's sic handsum man materially, that he
doesna need lookin glass but all bring ye
pail O. waiter if ye like"
An English paper tells the following story
Of Rev. William Thorpe of Bristol, England -
lie was so large that in preaching an ordination
sermon he had to be hoisted into the pulpit over
the side, the door being too narrow 10 admit
him. Curiousy enough his sermon was on
The Importance Of Right Introduction into
the Christian Ministry and he founded his dis
course on the parable in which it is declared that
he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd
of the sheep, while he that cmbeth up some o.
Their way the same is a thief and a robber"
In rather heated discussion, one evening
lately, of an insanity case, the alleged lunatic
having been placed in an asylum by his wife and
friends, gentleman said to a lady who did not
believe that the unfortunate man was insane,
wv hat do you say, madam, to his lying down
on his back in the barnyard and allowing hens
10 feed off his body" "All you can make of
that, responded the lady, lis that, like many
other married men, he was hen-pecked"
The pretty playfunes5 with which little
children charm away the cares of their parents
10 illustrated by touching occurrence in In
diana. boy of six years, after watching the
laundry proceedings, and especially the way in
winch the wrinkles in the linen disappeared be-
fore the Hatron retired to mediate in the room
where his father wGs taking his after dinner nap
There gazing upon the burrows which years Of
struggle had made upon the marble brow of his
parent he was seized by beautiful idea. In
less than minute that devoted little boy was
smoothing out those marks of time and sorrow
with very hot hatron. Life doesn't seem so
happy to his young heart now as it used 10.
"A legal tender.-A lawyer minding his baby.
A doctor and military officer became ena-
mored Of the same lady. A friend asked her
which of the two sui tors she intended to favor.
She replied that 'it was difficult to tell, they
were both such killing creatures"
"A malicious person says that cotton sheets
and newspaper sheets axe alike in the respect
that great many people lie in them
AcTISG tP 10 THE LETTER country fellow
not long since entered one of the city banks,aud.
walking up TO the counter, exclaimed 'Here
AMI want You to take fair look at me !''-
Without word more he strobe out The next
day the same customer re-appeared, uttered The
same words and again disappeared. The third
day at about the same time he walked in. and,
advancing to the tellers desk, threw down a
draft payable three days after sight "Now
said he, You've seen me three times, want
the money for it,"
A worthy old Dutch woman named Van
Rhyn lived near Court.lIouse in Pennsylva-
MIA, and the Judge Of The district found il con-
venent to leave his robe there and call for &c rs
ue went to court. One day he stepped in for il
as usual, and taking down the first black gar
ment that met his eye, no tucked il under bis
arm and walked into the court, ascended the
bench and began to put il on, when 90 the great
amusement of all present ne discovered be had
on q woman garment Ladies in those days
wore separate pockets. and the Judge had Slip
ped the skirt over his head and put his arms
through the pocket holes before be discovered
his mistake and with an air Of imperlurable
gravity he exclaimed "Peforc God have rot