Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-06-05
FL u NJ o r..

ago, is too good to be lost
One Of couple Of Teutonic gentlemen,
sitting in one end of the car, seeing a
s'fashy" dressed fellow come and take his
seat at an opposite end from where they
were sitting, asked:
"Who ish dat, Hans ?"
ooh, dat is sphort %
"Vhat you call a sphort, aye?
''You not know vat, sphort is aye? 2"
s'No +; vat is he p
"Val, he is one of der fellers vat shaves
all de hair off a pig, and cover him all over
NIT soap, and pets green Dutchman SIS he
can't catch him.
A kind-hearted and witty clergyman en-
tering the house of one of ais elders one
morning, found the. good old man unmer-
cifully whipping one of his sons, lad
about fourteen years old, and at once began
to intercede for the boy. The deacon de-
Tended himself by saying that youth must
be early trained in the way it should CO.
1T was best to make an impression when
the wax was soft. Day" said the pastor,
''but that don't hold here, for the aphdcks
acre not soft.'~ The-deacon let the boy 90.
The intelligent gentleman Of the jury,
according to the Montgomery Advertiser
was discovered in that city last Thursday,
by being brought before the City Court by
centre facias to enquire into The matter of
competency
would you convict a man Oil circum-
stantial evidence p queried His Honor.
81 dunno wat dat is, jedge," answered
the statesman.
well, cordin, to my Judgment; sarcum-
stanshil is bout dis: Eff one man shoots
anudder an kills him he orter be hung for
it eff he don't kill him he orter go to Ge
plenipotentiary.
At Evansville, Indiana, recently, man
fell into a ditch on the outskirts of the
town, in such a manner that he WAS unable
to eXtricate himself A knd-hearted pc
destrian helped him to his feet, and after
the thing had been accomplished our hero
said: sAll right -hic-I'll vote for you.n
The stranger looked at him doubtfully,
and wished to know what for. "Wha'
office We runnin' for ?' Il? None at all ~
was the answer. mot d candidate ~
mo, why ?" Why-hic-w why? Cause
don't know as any man -hic-help 'nutl-
er as you did 'thout bein' candidate!''
COULD Nor UNDERSTAND TIA very
matter Of fact gentleman. who belongs to
the office of the register of wills, was much
nj act cd
giving of the recent suicide on Charles
street. ''Cut his throat, did he Had ne
family % s'No, sir; he was Il singe
man." clad no wife; why, what could
have induced him to commit suicide !''-
Baltimore Ansericun.
About eleven o'clock one night police
man met negro carrying a trunk along
the street, and thinking he had discovered
an item, he collared the negro and told hin
to drop that trunk and explain. II kin do
it, sah,' replied the stranger, as he put til.
trunk down. s'De family what was board
ing me has been aXing for money, and az
dey was gwyne out tonight, [ thought q
git into some family Whar dey res ected de |
panic.' He was allowed to go On.
"A correspondent, who signs himself "A
Male Animal" writes to the New York
Herald - mot long ago [ paid S.. in
GLIDING gloves, to see Nilsson at the Aca.
denny of Music, but regret to add that
great was my disappointment, for, instead
OF sMignon,' all saw was chignon.'u
Laconic funeral grafton by an Arkansas
poker-player Gentlemen, my partner
never killed a man unless he thought he
had reason for it, and when lie stockt d
the cards it was done in the prettiest WAY
you ever seen I'll shoot the man that saws
he hasn't gone to heayen.''
We heard young mother thus address |
her first hopeful, the other day: COOKERY !
doodle um dinkle UNI dam; Tum to it's |
muzzefy muzzery mum; Tuzzery, livery.
bozzery boo; no baby so sweet and putty |
as 'ou!''
Peace is preserved in a household in
Elkader, Iowa, by long, Witty raw-hide.
hung up in the bedroom Of the Juvenile
portion of the family, bearing upon it's
handle the legend, boys. please be kind
to your mother.'
HONEYMOON" you are too imnn1.
sive-too inconsiderate in the application |
of means to ends-too rash and quick to !
anger. kind word will ALWAYS 90 fur.
ther than tiat-iron or potato masber
Brooklyn Argus.
II like crying children,'' said An old
bachelor to;l friend. elbow extraordna-
ry! Wlly?" Because they are taken ont
of the ROOM" was the hardhearted ranlv
All unreasonable resident of Rochestar
refused to pay the gas company's bill for
$ls, Oh the trivial bubble that there are
no gas burners in the house.
'sBoy,' said Uncle Testy, "what are
you hollering for when go by ?" sWhat
are you going by for when Pm hollerno 9o |
returned the boy.
The fact being ascertained that the ladv |
eat onions, ruined her case in a recent |
breach of promise suit in Iowa.
In the good old times it used To be
s'Know Thyself." Nova lays we put IT,
"You know how it is yourself.''
What is the earliest financial transac
ton on record 7? When Pharaoh received
a check on the bank of the Rcd Soo aroo,