Smyrna times., 1874-08-05
The Depot Ticket Clerk.
BY CAPTAIN DUKEHART.

tions and to sell tickets.
He answers more questions than he sells |
tickets; for almost everybody who buys |
ticket has atleast three or four questions to ask
Travellers seem to think the tickets is !
I" mighty dear" unless two or three pieces of
information are thrown into the bargain
There is, for some reason, a sort of natural |
between the ticket-purchaser and
the tlcket-clerk. And it is certain he could
never carry on his occupation if he were not in
an nclOsure.
Perhaps his being barred in so that he could
not be got at, even if anybody wanted to get at
him in the worst way, has a tendency to arouse
the feeling | mention. At all events it exists
and if he were not fenced in he would need to
be a courageous fellow
The apartment he occupies has generally
only a small hole for communication between
himself and the public outside.
This hole is big enough to admit mans
head.
His head is all the ticket-clerk has to do
with He does not require to see the remain.
der of his proportions
He will sell ticket to man with one leg as
readily as he will to a man with two.
He will make no deduction on account of a
man not being all there -
A man who had been pared off good deal
by occasionally getting too near buzz saws
thought he was entitled to travel at half fare
as only about half Of him was left over. But
the ticket-clerk would make no allowance as
long as he had his head on
Passengers are not carried by weight If
they were, | don't see how the business
could possibly be done Weights vary so
much, from time to time, in both sexes!
" Look here, young man y says rough
kind of fellow through the hole. How do
prices run in these times to D-?" " Fifty.
two cents !" replied the tickct-clerk with the
greatest urbanity. That's pretty dear! I'll
give you fifty. J" Cant take less thar fifty.
two!" "YOu cant take less fifty two? You
don't mean to say you want the odd two
cents" Yes, sir Fifty-two cents is my
tariff Will you take the ticket?" "Yes''
! Ticket-clerk stamps the ticket and the fifty
Two cents are slowly handed over. "Well, you
air the meaneSt cuss I've met to-day |" says
the individual, thrustiDg his head through the
hole. You re a mis- able sknfint! If
had you out here for five minutes I'd knock
the spots off you I'd put head on you -
As the man appears to be capable OF knock
ing spots off him, and also of putting head
on him, the ticket-clerk glances at the door tc
make sure it is bolted, and with ghastIy
smile surveys his secure position.
An elderly lady takes her turn at the aper
ture.
IHe llCkeC'CleTk Is UuSy. Morning trains are
nearly due to leave, and passengers are rush
ing in for tickets.
Good mornin', young man! remarks tho
elderly lady. It's nice mornin " Dc
you want ticket, madam" says the clerk
"Of course l want ticket, young man YOI
wouldn't see me here if didn't want
ticket -
Old lady smiles at this and looks round fo
applause. But the public, waiting their turI
at the window, don't see the point.
"Where do you want ticket to, madam 2
again asks the the ticket-cerk. Why, In
gwine to see my da tar She's been
Where does @ she liVe?' a' why, n young man
! she don't live thar You see, it came on he
kind O suddent: and Now, look her
my good woman" begins the ticket clerk
, fairly out of patience. Now, don't ye Ca
me woman / cries the old lady. "Y
, skinny whipper snapper, l wouldn't handl
r yer dirty tickets! Ill pay on the kears to
gentleman !"
With this insulting emphasis, she make
room for an old lady who forgets the name G
; the place she is going to, and requests tn
ticket-clerk to read over one or two lists
places. She says if she heard the name sh
would know it in a minute.
r Fussy old gentleman: Look here, youn
4 mani what time does the next train call?"
o "545, sirr'
n "5.45!" rejoins the querist in astonishmen
i 81 thought it was quarter tc six How yo
r do change ~
look here, mister you didn't give m
o enough money. | handed you a ten doll;
bill. You must have took it up; and Wal
five dollars more
Ticket-clerk looks at his cash, and finds thi
q he has not taken ten, dollar bill that day
v far. He replies:
I You must be mistaken, sir! l gave 20
" your proper money"
d "Waal, | say you didn't Do you want
/. cheat me p
y mo, sir merely say 1 gave you 20,
g money u
:. And l merely say you're thunderir
70 liar And if had you outside this hole,
A bust your snoutl ~
!. Tcket-clerk instinctiveIy feels if that orgs
If is in its proper place, and the conductor
" " All aboard! j. attracts the pugnacious ira
= eler to the cars.
It This is the kind of individual who sends su,
y: precious etfusions as the following to the gen
ID raj superintendent:
II SIR Your ticket-clerk at - is a THE
He robd me of fve-doler bill and when
taxi him with his vileny, he aboosed me in Il
IN wurst wa. Yew had better discharge him ri
es away.
20 A REGLAR TRAVELLER ON YER RoUT.
M Of course the general superintendent wou
a. a. take no notice of such an epistle. But the
r. are the charges, treatment, and nuisances
,lf which a ticket clerk is subject He must ha
no patience enough to bear abuse without retail
u i ton, and to answer, with apparent pleasure
q daily, hourly. weekly, all the year round-t
h same old, commonplace questions:
m What is the fare to-?'
Ia when does the next train start?''
no Does it go TO-"
or "Guess it don't go so far as, does it
What is the train before that; and wh
is the train next to that p
= Is there seeping-car on t2''
lal g Is there a smoking Car on it2 If the
* amt, think it a derned shamei"
Is the next train on time p
"Does it mostly run on time ?"
"Will there be berth to be had?"
III =" Is there mostly ?"