Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1874-04-12
MUSIC HATH CHARMS.
How Mrs. AbsalOm Squirkins
Got Her Piano.

A TabIeau-"Vat Horrible Mees-
take.'
My wife Mrs. Absalom Squirkins)
wanted a piano, not only absolutely
wanted one, but declared in her usual
irresistible and charming manner, that
she must have one, and desired me to
fly Immediately andpurchase an instru-
ment of that description-as if my
pocketbook was similar to the famous,
inexhaustible bottle Of Blits: call for
what you desire,-presto, you have it
Women are peculiar, my friend Jen-'
kins says, though he generally makes
the assertion more forcibleaby placing
a very strong word before peculiar,
which Is peculiar IN itself, and COM
mences with a d; but shall be name.
less here forever more" I agree with
my friend. In fact Iagree most heart
lily in every word, the d included and
in doing so only swell the number of
jurors who have agreed upon the same
verdict for many years. My wife's
popularity consisted In marrying such
IN old curmudgeon as myself, who was
at least twenty years, if not more, her
senior; who had gray hair (said hair
being like the oasis Of deserts-in
spots, and a pale mahogany face so
bomely that it would serve as a model
for mask-makers Of the ugly, and COM
ical order. But 1 thought a great deal
of the young and and pretty sharer Of
my Joys and troubles, and she had
never broken faith with me. OF cour
l was immensely hattered in being
chosen as a partner for life by her, in
preference to others younger and hand
somer than l was or ever Will be.
"Now, dear Absalom," said my wife,
clasping her arms around my neck In a
very affectionate manner, you know
that 1 ought to have a piano; people
that consider themselves anybody,
possess one, and it is so vulgar not to
have a musical instrument of some kind
in the house"
"Then, my love, I'll get you a
ish-horn or a jewsharp," said 1 heart
lily.
"Pshaw!'' she exclaimed with a very
pretty pout. You're always making
fun of me In this matter, and you ought
to be ashamed of yourself. / have
coaxed and pleaded, and pleaded and
coaxed with you, all to no effect. Alb
SALON, l must have a piano, think of it
seriously now and do please me-"
Il do, my dear, l think it a matter
of-ahem, very grave Importance" and
I instinctively clutched my pocketbook.
six hundred dollars or more thrown
away on a clumsy spindle-legged piece
of furniture, is a serious matter to con
sider-very."
But won't you have the worth of
your money: 1t does not eat, drink or
sleep, and its a safe investment"
ALLOW me to contradict you there,
my dear" said l., impressively, you
are somewhat in error. In the first
place it isn't the worth of the money
for money draws interest and thatdon't.
Another thing, l think it does eat-its
appetite being very c~apacious. 1t eats,
In the first place, at one big mouthful,
5000, and after that 1t continually
dimes on smaller sums-for repairs,
tuning, and all other ills apiano is heir
to. 1t dimes on the most costly dish
money; and it cannot be dOctored, like
mortals, by soaking itsfeetin hot water,
or a mustard plaster appliedt to its back,
but must have money, also, for medi-
cine. l consider it a terribly blood
thirsty animal-it drinks financial
blood, and is a monster to fee from In
| terror!"
very good, indeed. But 1 maintain
it is a safe investment in spite of your
logic" said my friend firmly.
Especially when the house takes on
fire and burns down." l replied sar-
castically. Its like an onion, then,
in more senses than one-smell-odi-
ousl"
your cherished money may be
stolen" was the answer.
"a thief Is often caught and the
money recovered" 1 replied with de,
cision.
so can your house and contents be
insured against fire or damage. But,
pshawl what is the use of being so
cruel, Absalom? Think how music
will cheer me-emplOy well my idle
moments"
"FudgeI There's my shirt-buttons
for idle moments. Besides, there's the
hand-organ-man plays outside every
day, and the fsh-peddler-"
But the climax had been reached
Human nature could no longer bear up
against the buffetings of contention
and opposition. Ny wife burst into a
food of tears, declaring l was cruel and
unfeeling.
You think more of your money than
Won do of me-" she sobbed. "You
don't care to please me or add to my
happiness in the least-so!"
They say that pretty women's tears
often melt a heart OF stone. That
when pleading voice and manner have
failed, those crystal drops reproach the
heart and conquer opposition. l can.
not say that my heart was In a fossil
state, yet those tears exerted a melting
influence over it. In flct, it seemed t.
turn on its axis, and passed from night
into day.
My love-" said 1, kissing away the
tears, IF you can derive $500 worth Of
happiness in the possession of a piano
III order a dozen, and your bliss vii
be eternal!"
The piano came. Ii took four or five
men to carryit in, and they grunted
and pulled like porpoises over the ex,
ertion. / wondered at the fuss they
made, until l attempted to carry in
two Of its legs, n of which dropped
with considerable weight on one of my
toes, and-then l left off wondering
and went into the hop and ao(h)ine bus
mess.
And, after the animal had been prop
erly housed, and the men had departed
my wife came in, threw her arms around
my neck, glued her cherry lips to mine
declaring l was a dear, good fellow
and kiss assured me of her loving
gratitude. L replied by kissing hel
fondly in return, and saying that she