Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1874-11-17
MARK TWAIN s COLD.
Frantic Efforts to Cure 1t.


HARTFORD, CUEN., Oct. 5, 1874.
Miss K. w. White:
DEAR MADAM-I regret exceedingly
being unable to accept your kind in
vitatiOn (also Mr.. p. @. Duffy's) to be
presented al your commencement eX-
ercises, but the annoying and veXa-
tiOus illness, which still hangs about
me, together with some business en-
gagements, will prevent. The Illness
to which refer is a severe cold which
| took in New York last winter, during
the lecture season. Perhaps the re-
ciLal of how / tried to cure this cold
may serve instead of the few remarks
you so politely asked me TO make to
he friends and pupils.
The first tinie | began 10 sneeZe a
friend told me to bathe my feet in cold
water aud go to bed. did so. Short
Iy after, another friend told me to go
bathe my feet in hot water and go 10
bed. did SO. Shortly after, another
friend told me to get UP and take cold
shower bath. did that also. Within
the hour, another friend assured ME
that il was policy to fed a cold and
starve fever [ had both So |
thought it WAS best to fill myself up
tor the cold, and let the fever starve
awhile. In a case of this kind / sell
dom do things by halves; | ate pretty
heartily. l conferred my custom upon
a stranger, who had just opened his
restaurant on CorLlandt street near the
hotel, that morning paying SD much
for meal. He waited near hne i'll re-
spectful silence until ! had finished
feeding my cold. when he inquired if
the people about New York wcre
much afflicted with colds. told him
| thought they were. He then went
out and took in his sign.
| started up toward the office, aid
on the way encountered another
DO ON friend, who told me that a quart
of sat water would come as near cur
ing u cold as anything in the World. |
hardly tliuught had room for it, but
| tried II anyhow. The restilt was
surprising | believe threw up my
immortal soul. Now. as give my eX-
perience only for the benefit of those
Uf your friends who are troubled with
.his disteiiiper. feel that they will
zee u prCpriety of my cautioniHg
them against warm salt water. II may
be good enough remedy, but | think
il is rather severe. If | had another
cold in the head, and there was no
course left me to take but either an
earthquake or a quart of warm salt
water, | would take my chance on the
earthquake. After this everyhohs y
the hotel hecaitIe Interested, diId
took all sorts of renIetiits-iiot lem
nnuyie, cold lemonade. pepper tea.
bonPsct, stewed Quaker, hound syrup,
onions and loaf sugar, lemons aud
brown sugar, viitegaf and loaf sugar.
five bottles of Uncle Sam's remedy,
but all without effect. One of the r =
scripuinns given by All old lady was
well it was dreadful. She mixed de-
rnctiun composed of molasses, catnip.
peppermint, aqua furtis; turpen'iIIeI
Kerosene, aud various other drugs, aud
instructed me to take a wineglassful
every fifteen minutes. | never took
but one dose; that was enough. / had
to take my bed and remain there two
entire days.
When I felt a little better more
things were recommended. | was
desperate and willing to take anything
Plain gin was recommended, then gin
and molasses, then gin and onions. L
took all three. detected no particular
results, however, except that ! had
acquired a breath like a turkey buzz
Za, d, and had to change my boarding
place. At this new place they suk-
gested different remedy to any yet
tried. A sheet bath was recommend.
ed. | had never refused Il remedy yet,
and it seemed poor policy TO COM
rnence then. therefore | determined TO
take a sheet bath, though | had no
idea what sort of and arrangement it
was. 1t was administered at midnight,
and the weather was very frosty. My
back and hrenst were stripped, n sheet
(there appeared to be thousand yards
Of i'll soaked in ice water, was wound
around me until I rescmbled a swab
for n columhiad. 1t is q cruel ex-
pedient When the chilly rag touches
ones warm Ilesh 1t makes him start
with sudden violence and gasp for
breath, lust as men do in the death
Iony. 1t froze the marrow in my
bones and stopped the beating of my
heart. / thought my time had cuitie.
when ] recovered from this friend
recommended the application of n
mustard plaster to my breast. j be-
Iieve that would have cured me effect
uallv If 1t had not been for young
Clemens. When l went to bed put
the mustard where / could reach il
when ! should be ready for it. But
John Clemens got hungry in the night
aud ate it up l never saw any child
have such all appetite. am confident
that he would have eaten me if had
been healthy. After all this expert
ence you cannot wonder that | dread
going to New york, and feel oLIigt to
decline your kini invitation. Wish-
ing you a pleasant and successful time,
| remain. very respectfully,
S. l.. CLEMENS Mark Twain.)