davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17
A Clerks Iriur.,pla.
A DIGNIFIED MAN AND PosToFFICE
CLERK.


The human heart, says an exchange.
In all its expansive, limitless capacity
for enjoyment, takes greater pleasure
in nothing more than witnessing a
portly, soemn-visaged man. the en-
bodiment of natural dignity, impor-
tance in clothes, administer a scathlng
rebuke to some ''smart" petty official.
This morning just such a personifica-
ton of innate dignity loomed up, at
the stanp-wind0w of the Post office
and glared In gloomy and majestic
displeasure at the busy clerk register
iIg a letter, before he sprang to the
windowand asked the stately customer
what he wished. The great man did
not answer for several moments. He
gazed steadily and impressively over
the clerks head, and then asked, III
ponflerous tones:
rs there any one here-r-r-e who at
tends to business?"
The embarrassed clerk blushed, falt-
cred for q moment, then recovering
his composure, and with characteristic
and national cheerfulness. becoming
an official of the republic:
II will see, sir"
And he disappeared. lie went into
the other department, tortured a car
rier with an original conundru'n,
heard u good story in the mailing
room. and came back.
'.Yes, SIR" he said to the great one,
''there are, in addition to myself, three
clerks in the letter department one In
the mailing room, four carriers, three
route agents, the mail driver and one
janitor."
"Ah h-h? | am glad there are 60
many. may, in all that number,
find one who is at his post"
And then he looked as impressive
as a special agent, and was silent for
three minutes, while the impassive
clerk awaited his orders, and impatient
men behind him fidgeted and grum-
bled. Finally the great man said,
VIII Uttp SUIOuHlity
II wish one thlee-cent stamp!"
The clerk tore off the stamp and
held it, waiting for the consideration.
The great man made a somewhat
longer pause than usual; he felt in
his varioas vest pockets, he gradually
lost his look of impressive Tebuke,
his chest cavedjn, and he assumed the
aspect of an ordinary frail mortal, and
he said:
'Ah-the fact is-I'm sure--ah--in
short, find that I've caelessly left
my purse at home. Can you kindly
The impassive clerk, with the faint
est suggestion Of triumph In his eyes.
waved the great man aside with
''Sorry for you, sir; but the clerk
who sells on credit is not in. What
does the next man want?"
And the great man again swelled
up, passed out of the door with
scowi so dark and blighting that ii
cast black shadows on the wall, and
we felt so good to see how that clerk
was taken down by that dignified man
that we went away and laughed for a
week.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17
Eleven Dollar Bill.

Thirty-seven years ago I was clerk
in a shpe-store located in the first story
of the American House, directly north
Of the main entrance to the hotel.
The store was kept by Thomas Hunt,
an eccentric old bachelor, who will be
remembered probably by many old
Bostonians. One day he came into
the store on broad grin, and said,-
"J-(referring to another dealer
on Court street. had hard joke played
upon him this morning. He has a
green lad from the country tending
for him, who has been with him only
five or six weeks. Well, J-----went
down town this morning, and told the
boy to sell all he could. He was away
about an hour, and when he went into
the store, said
swell, John, what luck? Sold any
thing?"
Eyes said John, with great gusto,
sold pair of five dollar boots l''
"'Good y says J.; mot bad for
a wet morning.
"Shortly after J. went to the
money drawer, when he exclaimed,
sharply
".Tnhn. where's the money?'
"'Why, said John, it's all there.
Why, no, Gays J-----, only two
dollars here. and | left five and one
here. What has become of it?'
"'Why, replied John, there's an
elevea-doitm bill there. The man paid
me that eleven dollar bill for the boots,
and gave him back ski Amt that
right2'
The dickens 2 exclaimed j
"'The poor lad had taken two
dollar bill of the old stereotype plate
on the Suffolk Bank, where in the
corners, instead of the figure -, 7
there were the III" for 2. So Mr.,
j is ont u pair Of fiye-dollar boots
and four dollars in money"
And Hunt laughed till the tears ran
down his cheeks.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17
his eyes before he reached the sanctu-

his eyes before he reached the sanctti-
ary OF his home.
Never mind the trials and tribula-
tions Of that night. Buffer had no idea
there were 50 many dogs In existence.
With the aid Of three policemen he
got through alive. On the next morn
Ing he visited his friend the editor and
acknowledged the corn. The adver-
tisement Of ewanted" was taken out,
and in the most conspicuous place and
in glaring type he advertised that he
didn't want any more dogs. And for
this advertisement he paid. Then he
went nome aud pasted upon his door
''gone into the country" Then he
hired a special policeman to guard his
property; and then he locked up and
went away with his family.
From that day Josephds Buffer has
never been heard to express doubts Of
the efficiency of printers ink; nor has
asked, "Who reads the advertisements
in paper"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

The President has withdrawn Caleb
Cushing's name for the office Of Chief
Justice.
George B. Crook has been confirmed
as Brigadier General. Good-no
man better deserves the promotion.
The Legislature of Wisconsin met
on the 18th. The Republicans organ
lied the Senate, having one majority.
The Reformers organized the House,
having II majority. Gabriel Boucke
elected Speaker.
Nixon, the Nevada highwayman,
who was convicted at Austin on the
10Th, as soon as the fact of conviction
was made known. tried to hang him
self with his socks. He didn't sue
ceed.
1t is suggested that the Republican
farmers OF Oregon attend the primaries
and elect and send to the county con-
yentions farmers, who In turn may
select delegates to attend the State
Convention. There are among the
Republican farmers of Oregon as able
men as are to be found in any other
of the walks OF life, and if they think
that the different State offices in the
hands of farmers will be for the better
interests of the State, so be it-let us
have a farmers ticket out and out.
Let the farmers of the State take hold
of the matter in earnest; attend the
conventions and see that good and true
men. tiIlers of the soil, are sent to
headquarters to make nominations.
The Patrons OF .Husbandry have
started in right-have already reform
ed some abuses; now let them take
hold of the big horn-strike at the
fountain head. Let them send men to
the Legislature who,can not be bought
who can not be bribed-who can not
be deceived by willy propositions or
schemes by willy politicians-men who
will go to the Legislature to enact
needed laws for the benefit Ofthe whole
State-men of action, Of deeds and not
OF words. Let us have farmers up for
office, and then let the farmers see who
are their friends.
At San Francisco, about II O'Clock
on the night of the 18th instant, Mrs.
Lulu Terrence, wife of John S. Tor
renee, of the California Theatre COM
pany, and daughter-in-law of Mrs.
Judah, shot herself through the heart,
on Washington street. near the Plaza.
She lad been separated from her hus-
band, and was an actress at the Bella
Union. Domestic troubles evidently
drove her to despair and desperation.
She leaves two children.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

II can't see it, said Buffer. mo
person reads all these little advertise
ments. It's preposterous to think it. "
But" said the editor, ''you read
what interests you?'
Yes" =
"And if there's anything you par
ticularly want you look for it?"
Certainly
"Well; among the thousands upon
thousands who help to make up this
busy world of ours everything that is
printed is read. Sheer as you please,
do assure you that printers ink is the
true open sesame to all business sue
cess. That is certain"
And still Buffer couldn't see it. He
didn't believe that one-half Of those
little crowded advertisements were ey-
er read, ~
suppose you try the experiment"
said the editor. ''Justslip in an adver-
tisement Of tie want of one ofthe most
common things in the world. For the
sake of the test will give it two in
sertions free. Two will be enough; and
you may have 1t jammed into any out
of-the-way nook ofmy paper you shall
select. Two insertions Of only two
lines. Will you try it?"
Buffer said of course he would try it.
And he selected the place where he
would have it published-crowded in
under the head of WANTS" And he
waited and saw proof of his adver-
tisement, which appeared as follows:
WANrED-AgDod House Dog. APP
ply to J. Buffer SIS Towser street, be-
tween the hours of6 and 9p. m.
Buffer went away smiling and nod
ding. On the following morning he
opened his paper, and after a deal Of
hunting found his advertisement. At
first it did not seem at all conspicuous.
Certainly so Insignificant a paragraph,
buried in such a wilderness OF items,
could not attract notice. After time,
however It began to look more notice
able to him. The more he looked at It
the palmer it grew. Finally it glared
at him from the closely printed page.
But that was because he was the per-
son particularly interested. OF course
it would appear conspicuous to him.
But it could not be so to Others.
That evening Mr.. Buffer was just
sitting down to tea Buffer was plain,
Old fashioned man, and took tea at slxl
when his door bell was rung, and the
servant announced that man was at
the door with a deg to sell.
'srell him don't want one"
Six times was Mr.. Buffer interrupted
while taking tea, by men with dogs to
sell. Buffer was a man who would
not lie. lie had put his foot inand he
must take 1t out mantully, The 23d
applicant was a small boy, with girl
III company, who had ragged, dirty
poodle for sale. Buffer bought the dog
Of the boy, and Immediately presented
it to the girl, and then sent them off.
To the next applicant he was ena-
bled truthfully to answer: ''Don't
want any more, I've bought one. "
The stream Of callers continued till
near ten O'Clock, at which hour Buffer
locked up and turned Off the gas.
On the Following evening, as Buffer
approached his house, be found crowd
assembled. There were about thirty
men and boys, each Of whom had q
dog in tow, There were dogs OF ev-
cry grade. size and color, and dogs Of
every quality Ct whine, yclp, bark,
grOwl and howl. Bltfter addressed the
motley multlun0e aud informed them
that Ne had purchased gdOg.
s.Then WhatAlyer advertise Yor?" .
AID BGfer hlsAas khOcksdnves
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17
TO MEND LAMP CHrMNEYs-House-

To MEND LAMP CHLMNEYS-H0uSe-
keepers not too fastidious Of course,
and OF the ''equinomical' order, may
lengthen ont the mortal existence Of a
lamp chimney by keeping small vial
Of carriage varnish and applying a
little with a feather or soft stick to a
crack, then burning 1t upon the lamp
several evenings before washing it.
The heat makes it very hard and du-
rable. though it discolors the, chimney
little ; but will save much in this
item of expense-broken chimneys.
This recipe does not apply to the five
hundred dollars worth said to have
been made by the PittsbTg man ex-
pressly for breaking-and filling his
pockets. These are past recovery by
any human means we know Of and
will linger long in the memory OF
housekeepers last winter as among
their most trying experiences.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

CHEAP VINEGAR. Take Quantity
of common Irish potatoes, wash them
until they are thoroughly clean, place
them in a large vessel and boil them
until done. Drain off carefully the
water that they were cooked in, strain
ing It, II necessary, in order to remove
every particle of the potato. Then
put this potato water in a Jug or keg,
which set near the stove, or in some
place where it viii be kept warm, and
add about one pound of sugar to about
two and one-half gallons of the water,
some hop yeast, or small portion of
whisky. Let it stand three or four
weeks, and you will have excellent
vinegar, at a cost of six or seven cents
per gallon. Journal Of Chemistry.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

An old man named Mills, who lives
q few miles below Portland, all alone
by himself, though well of, lately had
a fit, to which he is subject, and fell
into the fire. He was fearfnlly burned
before he came to himself, his face
being terribly scorched and his shirt
consumed about the neck; but he
managed to dress himself and his
wounds, and made'his way to the road
when he fell exhausted and was res
cued and cared for. 1t is doubtful II
he can survive.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

The biographer Of Edward PaysCn
says: HE was often known to weep
under the preaching Of the Gospel
when only three years old" One Of
the critics suggested that little Edward
wanted to 90 home.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

ming this state Of things, or pronounc-
ing it unnatural or wfong-we only
say that it is SO. And here we leave
the subject.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

The virgiEius, IL ii said, belOngtd
to William P1tteFsORce Na YSSk,
and was bought hF hIe ze 0a CO.
bans. IN compelling t vesSE 10
sStRike.ntherefdre, Ia stEatk billg
Patterson. Thus asmete psrplsxinR
giddle ls solved
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

A life insurance man in SC. Louis Is
in the habit Of getting himself on to
iuries in doubtful cases. when business
In his line Is dull. Then he ''hangso
the jury untIlevery rIzu OF the eleven
Is insured in his company.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

A Peoria naturalist, in attempting
to warm the ears of a frozen wasp over
a gas-jet discovered that the tall Of the
insect thawed out first and worked
with rapidity that was as astonishing
as the hideous profanity of the natura;- :
ist, who held the insect by the tall
while thus experimenting.
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

A dandy asked an old sexton II the
ringing Of the bell didn't put him In
mind 81 his latter end. "No," repli.
I'd tie grim grave digger, t'but the
rome puts me In mind Of yours"
The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-01-17

An Illinois paper speaks pfthO e'lEl--
depenAent-antk monopoly demo
retOg aruoer8 movement party =
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21

rHIRTSI SHIRTS
y We are furnishing all of the latest styles,
made by measure, and \ fit guaranteed in every
instance Bosoms one, two or three ply, rs de-
sired Call and have your measure taken
| mvS d. f. WITMER co.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
DRUas .8JvD CHEMICALS.

THE FAVORITE HOME REMEDY.
This unrivalled Medicine is warranted not to
contain one SINGLE particle of MERCURY, or any
injurious mineral substance but is
PURELY VEGETABLE,
containing those Southern Roots and HERBS,
tries where Liver Diseases most prevail. 1t will
cure all Diseases caused by Derangement OF the
SIMMONS' LIVER REGULATOR, OR
MEDICINE,
Is eminently Family Medicine; and by being
kept ready for immediate resort will save many
an hour of suffering and many dollar IN time
and d. ctors' bills.
Aft.r over Forty Years trial it is still recelv-
ing the most unqualified testimonials TO its vir-
tues from persons Of the highest character and
responsibility. Eminent physicians commend
it as the most
EFFECTUAL SPECIFIC FOR DYSPEPSIA
OR INDIG ESTION.
Armed with this ANTIDOTE, all climates and
changes of water and food may be faced without
fear. AS Remedy in Malarious Fevers Bowel
Complaints. Restessness, Jaundice, Nausea,
IT HAS NO EQUAL.
1t is the Cheapest, Purest and Best Family Med
icine il the World Manutactured only by
J. 81 ZEILIN s. CO.,
Macon, Georgia, and Philadelphia.
Price $1OO. Sold by all Druggists. NH
VIZ FRANKLIN CREIGHT
Wholesale and Retail Dealer in
DRUGS, CHEMICALs, PATENT MED1-
GARDEN SEED, &C., &C., &C.,
No. IS King street, (under Sarepta HaU,)
ALEXANDRIA, VIRGINIA.
Physicians Prescriptions carefully compound
ed. Orders will receive prompt attention.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21

DIAMOND D BRAND OF BLACK AL
- PACAS AND PURE MOHAIRS-We
have now added to our stock this well known
brand of old English goods, to which we would
call especial attention; our facilities for obtaining
these goods are such as warrant us IN saying we
can guarantee both prices and qualities Call
and Be convinced. -
FERGUSON'S
en13 Fancy Goods Store, &c King st.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
ByF. A. Kerby. AuctiOneeI

GUNNER HILL FOR SALE BY AUC-
- TlON.
The beautiful estate OIL SUMNER HILL, be-
less' about two miles from Washington, and on
the road from Washington to Alexandria, fSsss
with tho valuable DWELLING HOUSE and .azSa.
other buildings thereon, will be offered for sale
by auction, on THURSDAY, the 4th OF June
next at S. o'clock p. m, on the ground.
Summer Hill is the most desirable country
res;dance in the neighborhood of Washington.
Terms liberal inquire Of S. F. BEACH,
ESQ. Alexandria, Va. my l4-ts
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21

As~THE FENCE LAw-ELECTIoN NoTICE.-
As the election to be held on the 18th of May,
lor county officers, poll will be opened and the
votes taken upon the question Of the repeal, of
me present Fence Law. Mr.. Chas. Potter has
Ceen appointed commissioner at Accotink, and
E. 4. MASON,
Clerk Mt Vernon Township,
H.. Fairfax county, Va.
Fairfax CO., ap 29-law4w.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
Nv F. A. Kerby,

(Real Estate Agent and Auctoneer
DUBLlC SALE OF A GRASS CKOfIOn
i TUESDAY, May 26th, at II 30 o'clock,
will be sold on the premises, the GROWING
GRASS CROP of the splendid meadows OF
Summer Hill Farm, situated Oh the Turnpike
road half way between Washington and Alex
andria
A Newer and Horse Rake will be loaned to
secure the crop; barn and stable can be used by
the purchaser. Eighty tons of prime hay were
cut from the Meadows last year. Terms maoe
known on the day of sale.
GEO JOHNSTON, lob King ST.,
nv 73-cots Alexandria, Virginia
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21

EORGE McBURNEY s. SON,
Dealers in
CHOICE FAMILY AND FANCY GROCE-
RIES, WINES AND LIQUORS,
ENGLISH and SCOTCH ALE and BRO w N
STOUT.
Also, EASTERN and POTOMAC HERRING
and MACKEKEL.
NOS. I66 AND l7O KING STREET,
Washington Hall Building,)
Alexandria, Va.
Orders promptly filed. NH 5l-t
NEW STORE.
F. G. SWAINE
Wouldinform his friends and the public gene-.
ally that he has leased the store on the corner Of
Cameron and Royal Streets (J. G. Milburn's old
stanG) and will keep, in connection with the
Grocery, Liquor and Commission store, No. u
Royal street, a frst-cass
FAMILY GROCERY,
where can be found 1t all times fresh Roll But
tor Poultry, Eggs, Hominy, Beans, Dried
Fruits, Potatoes, Canned Peaches, Pineapple
T"maoes and Corn, &C., &C. Call and exam
uls. leo
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
qROCERIES.
WIN. F. BROOKES,

WIN. F. BROOKES,
DEALER IN
FINE AND FANCY GROCERIES,
147 King street,
Alexandria, Virginia.
ms- Special attention. given to the selection OF
TEAS, COFFEES and FAMILY FLOUR.
~ 10-tf
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21

DUBLIC SALE-Will be sold at II OF clock,
L on the 23d DAY OF MAY, 1874, all the
Skinner, deceased, together with the BAR FIN
TURES of Skinner & Allison, at the corner OF
Market alley. The property of j. Skinner. on
the east side Of said alley separate and distinct
from the restaurant ut the corner. Terms cash
on delivery 49,,
NH ii cots JOHN Is. Una i, Aum I.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
DRY GOODS.
NJ EW STORE.

NEW STORE.
The Misses STEUERNAGEL.
Having returned from the North with large
and we'll assorted stock Of the latest and most
fashionable styles of
MILLINERY and DRESS GOODS,
respectfully solicit share of the public patron
age.
my 6-lm 10 KING SIKEEI.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
Eayvcr GOODS .an:D MOTIONS.
TSTABLIS HE'D 1868.

EST HOUSE OF THE KIND SOUTH
OF NEW YORK.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-05-21
ITO COUNTRY MERCHANTS.

ITO COUNTRY MERCHANTS.
OUR STOCK LARGER AND CHEAPER
THAN EVER.
We are now prepared to offer great induce
ments to
COUNTRY MERCHANTS,
and make it to their interest to buy their DRY
GOODS in this market. We keep goods specl-
ally adapted 10 their wants, and sell them at
COMMISSION of profit, Sc.
"PATAPSCO COTTON YARNS always
on hand. d. +. BKASH EAk,
NV II Alexandria, Va
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-05-07
Last Examination.

There were 26 applicants before the
Board of Examiners last Saturday.
Thirteen certificates were granted, as fol-
lows:
J. F. Chapman, Chapman's Mill, Is mos.
Sallie E. Scott, City, Is mos.
John c. Martin, City, IS mos.
G. G. Jones, City, Is mos.
J. Henry Carter, Lincoln, II mos.
ThOs. d. Davis, Cora, IL mos.
Edwin Strait, Sand Fork, II mos.
Eliza Dickey, City, II mos.
Mary NJ. RAIDER, City, u mos.
D. F. Coleman, Middleport, II mos.
Mary E. Davis, Addison, II mos.
S. j. Allison, Sand Fork, 6 mos.
Albert r. Clark, Sand Fork, 6 mos.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-05-07
To Whom IL MAY Concern


A card in the Bulletin signed by
Nathan Waddell and Samuel Drum
mond, sets forth that the same suit of
clothes bought of me would cost
three dollars more than if bought at
Moch's. In justice TO myself /
would state there are better judges
than either of these gentlemen, who
have examined my goods and those of
Mr.. Moch, who pronounce my goods
not only superior but cheaper. If
necessary can give the names Of
these gentlemen in the next issue Of
the JOURNAL. M. MOSES. i.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-05-07
Stimuli Siftings.

HENRY MAGE had too much station
house whisky dealt out to him on Satur-
day night, and was interviewed by the
Mayor on Monday.
10. DUPRfEsT, the fellow who cut
Guns with knife near Crown City last
week, was put In Jail on Wednesday
night. He has been indicted for stab
bing with intent to wound.
There was spromiseuous s'discussion"
with fists, glasses, chairs, etc., In JuIIUs
GETTY's saloon, up town, ON Wednesday
night. The following day GETTY was
indicted for keeping a room.
HENRY yAUeHN, colored Third Ward
er, made Boz ELLIS, colored, see Dante's
seven circles Of hell, with pair of
brass knuckies, on Thursday, for making
indecent proposals to colored girl.
Ever 90 late O'Clock on Saturday night
the police captured three white fellows
and a like number Of colored girls, in
positions wen calculated to excite sus-
ricion In nnsuspicEous minds, and chap
eroned them 70 the lookup. % and
costs each.
jams BEsRr, or Guyan township, OBJ
tained property under false presenses Of
JACOB FuLKs. The property was valued
at t5l. When the moon was looking
from the purpllng sky on Saturday
night, constable oisiciaIly gave him over
to the kindly care Of the High Sheriff.
The dwelling house occupied by Mrs.
ScHAEFFER, on State street, was burglar
lied on Friday night. He pranced out
before he had nailed anything.