The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-15
Beautiful Experience with Buckeye
Editor.


I don't suppose that another man ever
lived like that Ohio editor who lifted
me out of the back end OF an omnibus
one night, led me up five pairs of stairs
and undertook to tell me how [ was to
assist in running the local department
OF the paper. g You see, said he, jab-
bing at a cockroach with the shears,
you want to be positive in what you
say; folks here won't believe any of
your suppose SOS and allegations. Say
what you say in words that can't be dis
puted; Or, if they are disputed, send
the fellow into the other room and I'll
fix him." He was great man for fun
he never laughed himself, but he had
a high appreciation for humor. He was
always wanting me to get off something
sharp on some one, no matter who, and
he ran me so much I had to quit. For
instance he came down one morning and
said: " Now, Charles get off a hit on
julius Caesar" "Why, sir, the old
man died years ago." "No matter, no
matter" he went on, "get off some
thing or I'll discharge you" AS $75
year was an object to me then, I handed
in a pretty big item. "That's good
that's positive" he replied, and in it
went. The paper hadn't been out an
hour before a dozen were crowding in
after an explanation. SIS your name
Caesar p asked the old man of each in
turn. Ono - "Well, then, who's run
ming this Caesar business? Amt [ here
TO disseminate knowledge? Don't I do
her? And he finally threw another
sheet on the "points. CHOW,
Charles" said he again, "get off lick
on George Notwithstanding I'M
der lively headline" "But he's
been written up" I replied. " No mat
ter-get off something, or here's my
note OF hand for the balance due you"
As his note of hand was rather good
thing to keep, dug out severe thing
under the head of BRUTAL Outrage"
There was Washingtonian society in
town, and half it's members were rush
ing up stairs before the edition was
half off. "Base wretch" shouted the
President. "Caluminator Of genius"
squeaked the old maid Secretary. "Vile
rascal, Kissed a young man, with his
hair behind his ears. ''Gentlemen and
old maid" began the editor, as he rolled
up his sleeves, "why am here? IF
any of you know more about George
Washington than I do, why just take
and run this office" And they had to
go away with their minds in an unsettled
state. Another time, when he had run
over whole volume Of ancient history
without finding one to hit, says he,
"Get off something on me-" That's
just what wanted, and wrote: GIVE
want wood on subscription to this
paper. Some Of our subscribers prom
ised to pay for their paper in wood more
than ten years ago, and it's about time
they brought it in. We want wood
wood-wood. It was in July, and
there were thirteen loads of wood in
front of the Office before noon. They
got there about the same time. and
thirteen farmers came up IN body.
Gentlemen" said the old man, after
! they had stated there errands, ''wood
is wood; wood is noun; is is a
verb, and wood is noun again. The
objective case governs the requirements
of the adverb, which is the possessive
Of thirteen loads, according to chapter
seventy-one, rule three" And every
time they went to say anything about
wood he got that off at them, until they
all went down in body threatening to
vampire him at the first opportunity.
The last thing [ have any recollection
of was g getting off something on the
Mayor of the town. He went by old
Sykes one evening without nodding,
and [ had no sooner entered the Office
than l heard, eco for Mugs give it
to him hot; yank him all to pieces, and
leave his shattered remains hanging to
the steeple of the courthouse. "But
he" began, when Sykes came close
up to me, breathing hard, and says he,
"Young man, go for Mugs. [ hate to
part with you, but Smith offers to fill
your situation for dollar less" So
[ sat down to do up Mugs. Sykes was
going away, and he left me to my jUdg
ment. I wrote an article that thought
would please the old man for positiv-
ness, and it went under atriple heading.
I was just locking up the paste pot in
the burglar-proof safe to keep it from
the rats, and [ heard a yelling on the
streets and the Office door came in on
me. saw stars, comets, spots on the
sun, new moons, and "came to" in the
next town, when sent the following
dispatch to the old man eff you can
pay your board bill stay where you
are. The press is ruined. The long
primer is in Hardy's horse-pond. The
mailing table, the bank, and the new
job rack went over the dam last even
ing. Things amt as they was. We
made big hit on Mugs, and he
retaliated powerfully. I HAYES hired
out to quiet old farmer here, and I
think L shan't pursue the get-off' bust
ness any further. In about two months
[ got a reply. Here is all that was said :
Young man, always be positive in
your assertions. Free Press.