The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

The Danbury Neaos man must yield up his
aurels George Peck, of the La Crosse Sun
is the coming humorist. The following good
things are clipped from one issue Of the Sun:
An eastern exchange says Anna Dickinson
wears amethyst settings in her garter clasps.
This is false. She wears an old-fashioned,
blue Knit garter, which goes around three
times and tucks under.
| A man at Lafayette, Ind, bought a herd
of Texas cattle for $4,000, and last week sold
them for $4,000. That shows the difference
in peoples luck. A La Crosse man bought
a heifer ard she died in less than week.
A letter from a GAINESVILLE editor enquiries
if 1t is actually SO that a certain La Crosse
saloon keeper sets warm free lunch twice "A
day II is ture, so help us John Rodgers,
though we do not say it with view to break.
ing up the newspaper business at GAINESVILLE.
According to the Madison Democrat, the
other night 1.-THE wind howled tiercely abound
the poor mans cot, and the rain battered up
on his root We knew 1t would be SO as
soon as we heard the election returns. 1t
wasn't so while the Rcformers were in power.
A poor, lame woman at Janesvillc, who had
been an invalid for years. and had to be lift
! ed around, went out in the yard one day last
week to cuss her husband because he didn't
bank up the house, when COW ran at her.
The woman screamed, jumped over picket
| fence without touching, picked up stick OF
cord wood and went back and walloped the
COW till she fairly beloved. Her husband
says he has got through buying "liyer medi-
cine and wine IF lite" He advertiscs for
an unruly cow
The saddcst joke on anybody in the late
election is told at the expense of our old
friend Joe Foote, of Ripon. Joe was candi
date for district attorney of Fond du Lac
county, and when the news came that he was
elected, he went to Fond du Lac, rented an
Office, and bought one thousand mile tickets
TO ride from Fond du Lac to Ripon. After he
had got all settled-the other man was elected
and now Joe wants somebody else to rent that
Office OF all sad words of tongue or pen, the
saddest to Joe are, at Nigh! have been
different
! Reader, did you ever have n pair of boz
| toed shoes? If YOU didn't, and want to pre-
pare vourselffor the hereaiter-that is if 20,
are going down below-we will lend you
pair of Shoes that will make you sick. W.
don't know what IL was that Hanscome hat
against us, unless he laid that woman NJ
against us that drove him out Of her felt
when We were all trOutIng up in Mormon
Cooley. We didnr set her on him, and w
can prove il by Root, who was along, Any
way, when we went in to buy par of shoes
to wear TO Gen. Atwood's wedding at Madison
IIansccme smole a smile that will haunt us I,
our dying day, took fresh chew of tobacco
spit on his hands, and told n young man o
eighteen summers 10 bring in them shoes
The young man went twice for them, anC
finally set them down in Il vacant portion %
the store. We didn't like the looks of thOs,
shoes the minute we saw them, ami told Han
scOmc that they didn't seem 10 us to be eX
actly the kind of shoes To wear to a wedding
Then he looked panied He said we were tn
first man that had ever found fault with DO!
toed shoes since he had been in business here
| He said that lac had dealt IN shoes, man anC
boy, for - years and he had never expected
To see the day when person supposed To pos
sess ordinary intelligence, shoul3 hesitate
about purchasng box toed shoes. And will
a tear in his eye he told the boy 10 remov
. the shoes, and he sat down in sad state o
mind, and began reading Ihe ChriddtH q
IVorL, utter oblivious of our presence.
We looked at Iianscome moment, scanne
, his pallbearer countenance, and at once fe
, that we had wronged him, and triiled wit
his finer feelings. We never felt so sorry e
a man in the " hole course of our life. W
70 told HIM that we had no desife TO offend hin
and that we had intended to lake the shoes a
the time We had lived neighbors TO hit
two years, a1d never had a neighbor who's
wood fitted our stove SO exact as Hanscomet
and no man ever had a one-horned COW tha
5 opened our gate so gently at tie dead hour O
? night, and are our cabbagcs. We had reaso
. to Ike Hanscome. and so we told him W