Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1874-04-15
AutnntSn1np.
Sparkling and bright.

The GON says The decline IN whnl-
ing is thought to be owing to the abolition
of corporal punishment in the schools"
"A fashion critic says that the new bon
nets are the old ones sat down on for half
an hour or so. The critic needs sitting on.
"A fop in company, wanting hsseryant,
called out "Wheres that blockheal Of
mihe2" "On your shoulders sir said
lady.
AT Des Moiucs, the other day, four
negroes got on a spree one took cut his
little iack.knle, aud now there aiu't bat
three.
"A waggsh editor says that the streets
Of ono Of the Western cities are ~ bc lighted
with red-beaded girls That chap wants to
bug the lamp-post
A Green Bay paper says that Wild
over with a clean shit on can marry 10
that town within three hours Green Bay
is northeast Of Deiroit-boats leave 10 May.
Said Milwaukee orator, Go back
with me eighteen.hundred years Spinks
says he is too busy to gohimsc'f but thinks
that his mother.in.law would bc delighted.
king KoTeo keeps his thtoe.thousand
tbrec-huudred aud tbrly.threc wiye, under
the same roof with bis magazine for Mill.
tary munitions They do about as he says
1T is estimated that it takes domcs.
ticated Fly a two-billionth part Of second
to wink, while an industrious mosquito can
do it in onc-tenth Of that time Corrcc-
tions solicited.
"A Lancaster man was heard to say
that during the twenty years Of bis married
life he was never known to speak cross
word to his wife. Those who know him
say he dare not
"A little Troy boy, who was worrying
over a piece Of shad at dinner lately, de-
moralized his mother by asking, " Mamma,
where did God find all the bones to make
the first shad of2"
During recent freshet in Connect.
cut, an editor telegraphed another at the
scene of action, Send me full particulars
Of the flood" The answer came, " gu
will find them in Genesis"
Some one blamed Dr. Marsh for chang.
ing his mind. WE'LL" said be, " that is
the difference between man and jackass
the jackass can't change bis mind, and the
man can't is human privilege"
Says an exchange: adam had one
consolation when he fell. Fifteen or twenty
acquaintance didn't stand on the opposite
corner and laugh at his mishap" They
were probably too busy looking at Eve.
"A little boy asked his mother what
blood relations meant. She explained thai
it meant near relatives, etc. After think
ing moment, he said, " Then, mother, yor
must be the bloodiest relation. I've got"
About one-ffth of the three hundred
and sixty.eight members Of Congress ar,
natives of New England Exchange. |
is unkind to be continually reminding til,
inhabitants Of New England Of such fact
as this.
"A lawyer, Of Montana, recently re
ceived letter from heart broken and dis
consulate husband inquiring-" Is there an.
law to punish woman for leaving her hus
band with two little helpless children anc
: if so how much ?"
"A boarder at one of our city boarding
houses the other day, remarked to fellow
boarder at the table, This must be
; healthy place for chickens" "Why ?
asked the other. " Because | never Sc
any dead ones hereabouts."
There are young men who cannot hol,
a skein Of yarn for their mothers withou
| I,,N LnlI
twenty-five pounds of neghboring famil,
for the best part of a night, with patienc
and docility that are certainly phenomenal
"A wide awake minister, who foun
/ his congregation going TO sleep before h
had fairly commenced, suddenly exclaimed
=" Brethren, this amt fair. Wait till | &C
/ along and then if amt worth listening to
go to sleep but don't before commence .
, give a man a chance
e "A stoical Scotchman was addressed b
his sick wife Oh, John, | sban't Ieav
G this bed alive" Please theeself, Bett,
I and thee'll please me, returned John, wit
y equanimity | have been good wife I
e you, John" persisted the dying woman
: "Mddlin,' Betty, only middlin'."
Il "A Western paper tells of man VIII
> shot and killed his wife one night not Ion
l. ago, installing her for cat. Men out thu
r way frequently shoot and kill their wive
n mistaking them for cats or dogs, but SOM
= how or other they never shoot and kill ca
or dogs installing them for their wives
"A philosophical Kentuckian, who hc
but one shirt, and was lying in bed viii
the garment was drying on the clothes-lil
TO in the yard, was startled BY an exclamatit
N from his wife to the effect that the calf hi
ne eaten in We'll" said the Kentuckia
y with spirit worthy ola better cause, " we
ht them who has must lose"
" While youthful couple we're boil
y Joined in wedlock in n Justices court
New York, on Saturday last, the dams
- rather astonished number of spectators
suddenly breaking out with 81 want
know whether we are to keep house or boa
before going into this thing2" The jud
ruled the question out of order, and 4
- ceremony proceeded.
e. "A few days since dead beat appli,
ny to wealthy person for help, and receiv
M the small sum of five cents. The giver I
ed marked, as he handed him the pittaut
take it, you are welcome; our ears a
to always open to the distressed" "Th
IT. may be" replied the recipient, " but new
We before in my life have | seen SO small
in opening for so large ears"
at "A Virginia railroad was made to p
O. ., s25 for killing rooster. The engineer sa
lis he spoke to the gentleman with the whis
We as kindly as possible but when the fell
10 dropped one wing on the ground, raised
=. good eye heavenward, and commenc
H. whetting his spur on the rail, forbearan
ceased to be a virtue, and he lit into hi
or, with thirteen freight cars.
ma An freshman was brought before
IL Judge on charge Of stealing widows p
10 " Pat" said the Judge, "when you 4
brought face to face with the widow a
the pig on the great judgment day, wi
account can you give Of yourself2" 81
:. you say the pig would be there, yer honor
" ITO be sure | did" Well, thin, y
10 riverince, Ia say, Mrs, Maloney, Their
." yer pig"
its The Northern Border says that
Us, graveyard near Bangor has monum,
=. | with tho fotlouin0 inscrint,ona tho Il