The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-11-28
B,IDGET OF FUN.


By'DeET OF FUN.
Don't llIl ust in your teachers eyes.
1t will only> u are the pupil.
N-H--->.O.~--
Sometimes coal does not burn as well OF an
evening because its slate
IL Londen the slang phrase for a person
who gives information 10 the police is ~ cop
pers mark
Some of the students at Eastern colleges
can board themselves for thirty-fve cents per
week, but they don't feel like tearing around
much. -.
The man who has not had anything to
boast of bat his illuStrious ancestors is ike
a potato plant-the only good belonging tot
him is under ground
IT may be ennobllng to labor, as the philo-
sopher says but II S no Time to tell man so
when he's just finished carrying in two tons
Of coal with a basket
The New York Commercial thinks that the
sneak thief who is obtaining access 10 houses
in Newark, by representing that he is to tune
new hoy in a country Sunday School |
was asked who made the beautiful hills
among them, and replied that he did not
know, as his parents only moved into town
the day before
A gentleman had valuable miniature
stolen from him few days since oh, never
mind said the friend to whom he told his |
DIV ic hav &c Oh
nowadays
My dear SIR SAID candidate, accosting a
stray wag on the day of election. Il am very
glad to see you You needn't be- replied
wag, i have voted
First wife-Dear me, Mrs. Doyle, ! have
heard thatyour husband was aspirt medium
it is so? Second wife-Medium! Goodness,
yes. Comes home drunk every night.
A Bostonian ridicules that other Bostonian
umbrella, aged seventy-six, by holding up for
public yeneration one that he owns over
whose buckhorn handle 1917 autumnal equi,
Eoctals have passed
country girl, coming from \ mourning
walk was told she looked as fresh as daisy
kissed by the dew, to which she innoceDtly
replied; You've got my name light, Daisy;
but his isn't Dew
How much did he leave" inquired gen.
teman of a wag, on learning the death of
wealthy citizen. 'Every,hing,' responded tho
wag, he didn't take dollar with him
There she goesn said a lady as the train
left the depot just before she reache! it.
You have mistaken the gender said q gen
teman: this is the mail train
The Queen Of Germany, King Williams
wife, is not too proud to dust and arrange her
own room every morning; some ladies are,
who have not ten cents IN their pocket books |
or common sense III their heads.
IT.
Is Mike McCloskey in the ranks asked |
the Commander-in-C Chief, as the army stood
in line of battle. Here Gineral' said Mike,
stepping to the front. Then let the engage
ment begin, said the General. This is the
way Mike tells the story
An OLD gentleman IN Stowe, VT, tells how
lie broke off drinking. Every time he took
drink he would drop shot in the glass,
and as the glass filled up his drinks were
smaller, and he dropped the use of drink en-
trely
There was an old family fuel between
them,' was what witness in Chicago mur |
der case said to the jury. The Judge asked
her if she didn't mean 1eud,' and she asked
MIN who was telling the story.
A colored gentleman went TO consult Que of
the most high-toned lawyers in Boston, and,
after stating his case, said; Now know
yous lawyer, but wish you would please,
sar, jiss tell me the truff bout dat matter.
When a Delaware man catches boy up
peach tree ana shoot six or eight bullets into
30 order and 'ReS0lce, That one boy isn't any
great loss, but such careless shooting must be
discouraged
Didn't tell you 10 have my hot water at
the chamber door early in the morning" saw
agely exclaimed gentleman to his servant
Well, dang it, and didn't bring il up over
night to make sure ont?' responded the ser. !
want in an injured tone
Lanyer-How do you identify this hand. |
kerchiefy Witness-By It's general appear
ance and the fact that have others like it,
Counsel (cutely(-Thats no proof, tor | have
got one just like it in my pocket. Witness
Gnnocently)-I don't doubt that, as ! had
more than one of the same sort stolen.
The French keep up their little jokes
An Alsatian woman goes to confess: Father
! have committed a. great sim We'll! 4
come, courage Il have married Prussian.'
Keep him, daughter. That's your penance.'
'Stpp in stem IN said a chean clothipr IN