Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1874-01-15
4 Bolt Always in Order.

Squill- declares that his wife is always
taking some kind Of mean advantage of
him The best woman in the world,
sir" SAYS Squills. - but now and then she
will net mean. and She can't help it.
Last SATURDAY, at breakfast" SAYS
Squill~, She was a> smiling as a bundle OF
chips.
Are Your chops done to your liking,
SQuillS. dear?"
Deliciou>ly. my love"
= broiled them myself. dear.
Il knew il was going to be hot. said
SquillS and when got into the hall to
leave, Mrs. SqllillS was there with my hat
in one hand and my overcoat in the other.
SquillS. dear" she began.
Il thought it time to pitch in here said
SquiHs. so l said quietly"
How much Mrs Squills? out with it
my love"
Mr. SquillS." said she, Don't be I'M
manly. sir. | BEG: not to say ridiculous
Gussv wants a silk dress 10 90 to church
in; the poor child really isn't decent-'you
are very sorry. well. so You ought to be.
Let her say her prayers at home No,
Mr.. Squill>, she shln't stay at home. and
she shan't say her prayers, and Mr.. Squills,
you're enough to aggravate a saint, and
your conduct is disgusting, and it's enough
to drive a woman to bolt right off to Chi
cago and get divorce"
= thought this was Il good time to fire
off my pet joke, said Squills. so | said.
Mrs. Squills Il bolt is always in order
Then | boltcd myself. for Mrs. Squills
comes of fighting family
When went home that night. Gtlssy.
dear child. played all my pet Offenbach
music. and | knew | was in for the dress,
only | wanted to hold ont till morning,
Just for the look of the thing"
. For five Years after we We're married,
said Sqllills, Mrs. S. would persist in
looking under the bed for man. It's the
same man every woman looks for. | sup
pose, because they all do it. Well, failing
to find the man, Mrs. Squills finally gave
up in disgust and took to something else.
Il suppose said Squills, they'll all take
to something else after they cant find the
man under the bed. Mrs. Squills' weak
ness is boiling the door. Mr.. Squills, have
vou bolted the'tloor? is always the last
thing at night
This particular night" said Squill.,
d" Mrs. 5. was very dignitied and dis. Mt.
NO familiarities, Mr.. Squills, if you
please; YOU wounded my feelings in their
tenderest point this morning, and | can
not forget, though YOU did. that am your
wife, sir. and the mother of your children,
Mr.. Squills.
This WAS pitching in uncommonly
strong, You know said Squills, - and
was about to surrender, when Mrs. Squills
turned off the gas and then coiled herself
up in pet, somewhere on the outside bed
rail. Not even goodnight, Squills.' l
felt pretty bad about it, l can tell you. but
| went to sleep. but some time. when l ex-
perienced "A kick on the back, as if some
playful mule had been tanning me. Per-
haps it was necessary, as | always sleep
hard -
- Mr.. Squills,' at last | heard Mrs S.
say, Mr. Squills, have YOU bolted the
door?
Now, | leave it to any man., said
Squills, appealingly, whether that is the
correct thing for the mother of a family
to do? OF course. | got up and bolted
that Internal door, and said, Mrs Squills,
why the deuce didn't YOU think of bolting
the door before | went to sleep, and not
wake up man in the middle of a cold
night to do it?' And what do YOU suppose
her answer was?
why, Mr.. Squills, said she,' thought
bolt was always in ORDER
What did say? What could say?
And the worst of it all. y said Squills, /" I'll
be hanged if she wasn't laughing at me
could feel the bed shaking. .r-S. Louis
Republican.