The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-10-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

An Irishman, feturned from his travels,
calamity compaEsd his landlady to Vesu-
vius, because she was fine old crater.
What is the difference between barber
and a mother One has razors 10 shave
and the others shavers TO raise.
The Quakers Of New York number
eighty less than two years ago, and they've
got W throw away their single bedsteads or
become an extinct sect.
John COchraue, on being introduced to
the Chief Magistrate Of Dublin, re-
marked
II knew that you made splendid bulls
IN your country, but | had no idea that
you made such magnificent mayors.
That was a beautiful thought Of the poet
that " oman clIngs 10 man like the ivy. ]"
But is il always true How many bald
headed men can testify that no woman
ever clung To them like the ivy but what
she let 90 like a graphing iron. Brooklyn
Argus.
" Gracious heavens ~ exclaimed Mrs.
M-rrowfat, dropping the paper from her
nerveless grasp, aId leaning back III her
char with an expression Of blank aston
Ishment on her cOuntenauce-
Gracious heavens, MIltIades, what is
paroxysual kiss
Mr. Marrowfat, assuming a very serious
aspect. observed
A paroxysmal kiss. my love, is
kiss buttered with soul lightning"
Smythe was telling some friends about
AfHI H..H haf h..
that parrot cries stop thief % naturally
that every time / hear it | always stop.
Now, hang it, what are you all laughing
about -
''I want to know, said a creditor, fierce
ly when you are going to pay me what
you owe me Al
g give itup," replied the debtor. ask
me something easy
A gentleman, on presenting a lace collar
to his adored one, said carefully
~ Do not let any one else rumple il"
" No, dear, " she innooently replied, "Ill
take it Off y"
. "A sharp student was called up by
worthy professor If celebrated college
and asked the question
Can a man see without eyes N
II Yes, sir, was the prompt answer.
How, sir, cried the amazed professor,
can a man see without eys :"
" He can see with one, sT, replied the
ready vitted youth, and the whole class
shouted with delight at the triumph over
old metaphysics.
A well-dressed chap entered jewelry
store and asked If he could see those cups
in the window, pointing, as he spoke, TO
some silver cups lined with gold
These, sald the jeweler, handing him
one, are race cups.
Race cups-what are race cups H.
why, replied the jeweler, "they are
cups ] had ordered to be made for prizes
to the best racer.
Well, if that's 50, suppose you and
me race for one, and. with cup in hand,
started, the jlweler after hun. He proba-
bly, won the cup.
Here is an Irish gentleman's letter to
his son IN college
My dear Spn-l write To send yoI two
pair Of my old breeches, that you may
have new coat made out Of them also
some new socks which your mother has
Just knit by cutting down some Of mine.
Your mother sends you two pounds with
out my knowledge, and for fear you would
not use it wisely | have kept back half and
only send you one. Your mother and !
are we'll, except that your sister has got
the measles, which We think would have
spread among the other girls if Tom had
not had It before, and he is the only one
left. | hope you will do honor to my
teachings If not you are an ass, and
your mother and myself your affectionate
parents.