South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-03-27
WIT AND IKUMOR.


Here is good story that Rev. Dr. Adams
tells on himself lady parishioner once re-
marked to him that his sermons were little
too long.
Don't you think SO, DR. Adams. said she,
'just litte?"
"Ab, good sister" said he, Il an afraid you
don't like the sincere milk Of he word"
"Yes, do" said she; "but you know the
fashion nowadays is condensed milk"
"A lass a lass - exclaimed an old bachc-
Tor, who wanted to marcy. "Alas alas he
cried, after he had been married awhile.
HEALTHFUt LIVING. A lazy dyspeptic " as be
~aiing his own misfortune, and congratulate
ing his friend on his hearty appearance
"What do you DO 20 make yourself so strong
and healthy ?" inquired the dyspeptic.
~ live on fruit alone " replied the friend
what kind of fruit2"
''rhe fruit Of industry / IN never troubled
with indigestion"
great many dyspeptcs could be cured with
just that medicine
"A friend, having met Sheridan, asked him
how he Jared. ooh, answered Sheridan 81
have turned over a new leaf and now 60 on
like clockworl." CAV. replisd ,,o otber .s,;,,,
tick, tick"
"A female at confession acknowledged that
sne uSeu rouge For what purpose p asked
The father. ITO make me appear captiyaung,
was the answer "But does il make you more
oeauuiuI . At least holy father, / think il
does The priest took the pepitent out Of The
confessional into the light, and, looking in her
race observed: Madame, you uay.paint with
out oEence, for you are still very ugly"
FAT PERsUAsNENEss. The following auec
dote i' related of the late Mr.. Greeley, who is.
wen SPoWn to have been throughout life n
staunch advocate of temperance Through all
MS eiecloneerIng campaign he sat al public din
"'iS anu supperS where wine and spirits flowed
Heely, Out he never passed the bottle or touched
'ne l'Puor himself Tue walters who knew his
temperance principles were generally puzzled
"""' 10 10 when they came to the row OF glass
''on"ns MS plate, as they fronted all others
Osu"lly 'ney were directed by look or gesture
o' 'ne master OF the ceremonies TO pass by him in
sieace; but on one occasion an Irish waiter
"oulu not ABIDE such an apparent breach Of
sir, to get up an appetite like after yout lon.r
tide, sir p the hospitablc Hibernian wbisnsred
TO the startled sage "A little brandy and yvo-
ter now would do We good-it would upon M,
sowl, sir" The heartiness of the apsoal touch.
ed the philosopher He recognized the rim, of
true hospitality in its tones, and his heart reen-
ted at the idea of depressing such sterling virtro
said he 'Wen. Pat. ri take La1r No.
blige you. Give me the vat, aa5 -, 49,
one else have the brandy
Cd men were arrested on the cbarge Of h,,r,,I..,.
The iury before whom ,bey ,,e,o ia 80.
colored. After the case VIVA ,riod ,to,. -
and made up verdict which was ,,,,,,o,, =,
the court On being called tho nd 80, g.
a verdict which the foreman dcIiverod ~ e.,
lows: "Ds Jury find dat ono If Jo ,c,ao ,,,.,l
didn,tdo 800 '|' U"'o"' anu a@' dc oder
oni,r ~, osr's5 -, " N''n one 90 you mad
Oo'S' returned the foreman "dat's jes what
We van nnu out ana we recommend dat de
.O4 .r., coat JeS nave anoder TRIAL and end
practical topper proposes the following
woman, in our hours Of ease, you know wen do
whater you please wei promise to renounce
the sin Of Bourbon brandy, rum and gin, and
champagne; but have some mercy do NV do,r
and leave, oh, leave us lager beer =,