The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-10-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Yes You see after deducting the above, the
number in the pcniten:iary, and those who hold
government offices, you leave no population &c
do the business of the Statc-as it were!
A Young widow in New Orleans being asked
after her husbands health, answered with a soft
quiet smile" He's dead, thank you."-EI.
And to use an Hibernicism, the husband is
dead, and he is glad of it. He is as thankful as
his widow.
a letter-writer says Grace Greenwood is a
lovely woman of thirty Well, yes, Grace must
be all Of thirty by this time because she was
twenty. seyen about twenty five years ago.-Er-
change E n G RE
That is ungallant. II is the height of" imper-
ence" TO dispute a woman. II she says she is
only eighteen" you must implicitly believe
her, though she hasn't tooth in her head, nor
q hair of her own growing upon her Uranium.
The Lockport Courier finds itself put to its
utmost crcdulity as follows;
What are we to do with this extraordinary
statement of the Snal: that the ball dress of the
editor of the ReDubii,un is classically and Sc
yerely simple rs to include only neck tie and
paper collar, cut to display the figure to good
advantage? Is the human race gradually lifting
itself up to that plane from which Adam fell; or
is the editor of the RepubljcaR having that shirt
washed? That seems Improbable, too; ana we
are half inclined to reject the whole story as a
pleasant little Jest on the part Of the Sig'ol
If Beccher were as spunky as that Missouri
preacher he would have been out Of the woods
long ago. When they started n SANDER about
that Missouri preacher he exclaimed from the
pulpit: This dabolical story about me and Mrs.
Podhammer is an internal lie, and if ! cant
snatch the son-of.a-saw- horse eycrlastn@ly bald
headed who started it, then pronounce me bob
tailed purp and and kick me ten miles hcllwards'
And Hat SANDER was settled.-GiGpt"
The Earlyillc transcript has found cider
maker who seems disposed to initiate the ways
of"Ah SIM"
One Of our Changers took forty gallon cask
to be filed with cider. The.cder-maier charged
for 43 gallons. % How did you get 43 gallons III
TO 40 gallon cask" asked the aStonshcd Gran
ger The cdcr-maker looked confused. am
perfectly willing 10 pay for cider said our
Granger, but hate to have the cask crowded
The FL Paso journal has lately been shown a
copy Of the J,ferso,Gaa, which besides some po- |
Iitical information, contains natter which
should be looked too. The Joaraal says Of this !
last subject;
AIN the same paper is an article from the Pc
oria Register, on the exploits Of an Indian, who
lived where La Sale now IS
La Sale was pious missionary, who is gener-
ally supposed to be in heaven. Does the Journal
mean to usinuatc that that rcd skin is there
also; knowing as it does that that Indian would
have scalped La Sale the first time he caught
him with harp in his hand:
School girls now trip gaIy through our streets
on their way to the fountains OF knowledge, with
their arms full Of books, their minds full of as
pirations, and their mouths full OF gun-Ja,k.
san (IO,cd) Sentinel.
At Ottawa The girls who are in their teens
wiggle to school with their skirts full Of rustic,
their backs full of hustle Their eyes full Of dirt,
and their minds full Of hrt
And ROW." said radical Joliet political ora
atOr warming up as he approached the climax
Of his speech, let us conduct this campaign fell
low citizens, upon the principle cnuciatca by
the immortal Lincoln, With malice toward ali,
and charity to none Wilmington AdcOcate
We have received copy OF the Pjodoler,
which means-but all our readers know what ii
means-a newspaper published at Reyk javik,
Iceland. 1t docs not seem TO have been ut all
pleased with the American visitors at the Nil.
lennlal for it calls them the hardest names we
have ever seen applied to any one. Cyrus W.
Field it styles a Skipid hcitr Albion" II ap-
pears desirous Of putting Bayard Taylor in hot
water, for him it terms a "skald og hofundr"
But It's worst cpthet IL reserves for Dr. Hayes,
whom it terms Niofraeger fyrr landaleiter"
which is simply atrocious.-E. !. EreHing UaR.
John Fork lent a stranger dollar at Richmond
in 1852 and the other day the stranger paid him
back $4,000 Step this way stranger-DetroH ;
Press.
We invite such strangers hithcrward, who will
trust us for the dollar. That is, when they feel
able to donate us the $4,000 they may retain
the 81. If We are weak on anything, II is IN be.
ing liberal
ID ID 10
the term nest hiding" in the IiltUn drama, is
susceptible Of perfectly pure and honest apnli-
cation. Certainly it is. Ii Is one Of those terms
that I'll into the family relation like ducks foot
in the mud-E Paso Joarna,
billiard * Hamllton's circus is advertised to
show here to.morrow.-Ogie Co. Reporter
We guess not. billiard & Hamilton are re.
spectacle feed dealers in thi, city. They are
above circusses.
\ "journcyman grammar smasEcr" Is what
one ST. Louis editor terms another,
y French paper Gays tina, not one American in a
hundred has a handsome chin. This is due to
the fact that so many of our follow citizens give
nearly all their time to the cultivation Of check
The Chicago papers have had The Red Ficnd"
stereotyped, as a permanent head line, When.
ever there isn't dre to put is over, the Indian
war is utilized,
To watch Ny dust his wings with his hind
leg and then chccrfuly hop into ny-trap and
give us a song, is one Of those funerals we all
take delight in being present at onkc,S "a
1srC.
The Peoria Transcript accuses the Board Of
School Inspectors of that city, of showing dis
position to court secrecy" This is bad, but it |
Is so much better than counting the school |
marms that we are inclined to forgive them.
Who ever heard that counting school marms
was bad? The Jo,radi fellow evidently don't
know what a good, hunky delicious, exquisite !
thing Is.
II Is altogether too absurd to say that man is !
not perfect" Who Is there who has not met
with many who were perfect strangers, and some
who were perfect rascals, aud not a few who
ware perfect fools