davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
NEW

NEW
MACHINE SHOP!
The subscriber having started Machine
Shop, near the head OF
Main Street, Stroudsburg, Pa,
is prepared to build, and repair II KINDS o.
Machinery with accuracy, and diSpatch.
Being fitted with
SPECIAL MACHINERY FoR IOkN-
ING, SI!AF1YNG, AND Pull
LEYS. AND WITH IN
PROVED TOOLS
of various kinds, and having an eXperIancc
Of over Thirty years, IN designing anG
building machinery for special purposes,
feel warranted in guaranteeing the best OF
work. Have on hand, and building,
PORTABLE sTEAM ENGINES,
of from , to 10 Horse Power, designed
especially for Farm use, or Tor ling any
light machinery. also keep IN stock,
several thousand feet OF
Premium New York Oak Tanned Betting,
in widths of Il inch to inches, (can obtain
wider ones Mt very short notice. at manu-
facturers prices, also Lace Leather, Belt
Rivets, Punches, &c,
STEAM PIPES & FITTINGS
of the variouss sizes. Pipe cut and fitted,
at short notice.
Hemp s. Rubber Steam Packing.
would call the attention of Blacksmiths,
WhecIwrights, and others, to my assort-
ment Of all sizes OF
Machine Bolts, Nuts, Washers,
Lag Screws, and Bolt-ends,
which | offer al New York prices. The
Bolt-ends especially, being threaded and
fitted with nuts by machinery, enable the
Blacksmiths TO furnish bolts OF any !ergth
much cheaper, and quicker, than TO cut
them by hand.
Call in and see my stock and Machinery
G. SANFORD.
March 6, 1613-tf.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
HOLLINSHEADSITCH& SALT RHEUM OINTMENT

No Family should be without this valuable
medicine, for on the first appearance of the
disorder on the wrists, between the fingers, &C.,
slight application of the Ointment will cure
it, and prevent its being taken by others.
Warranted to give satisfaction or money
refunded.
Prepared and sold, wholesale and reatiI, by
W. HOLLINSHEAD, Druggist!
Oct Is, ,'67-tf
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
SPECIAL NACHINER FOR TURN
ING, SI!AFTING, AND POL-
LEYS. AND WITH IN
PROVED TOOLS

of various kinds, and having an eXperIancc
OF over Thirty years, in designing anG
building machinery for special purposes J
feel warranted in guaranteeing the best OF
work. Have on hand, and building,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
SUPERIOR MANNER!
Carriage, Wagon,

and, IN fact, everything in his line of bu-
slnesS, at the shortest possible notice, and
on the most reasonable terms.
Carriages repaired, trimmed aud paint
ed in the best style of the art.
Having first class material always on
hand, and none but first class workmen
engaged, the public are assured that none
but hrst-class work will be turned out at
his shop.
In connection with his Carriage Shop
he has also a Blacksmith Shop. where
superior workmen will always be found
ready to attend to the orders of customers
Inc pubhe are invited to call aud ex
anime his stock before purchasing else
where. VALENTINE KAUTZ.
September 10, lS67.-tf.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
MASON Took ,
PAPER EaANGEsg,
GA2TER AND PAINTER,
MONROE STREET,

Nearly opposite Kautz's Blacksmith SkoP'
STRoCDsBURG, PA.
The undersigned woGd respectfully in
form the citizens q! SirouGsburg and vicinity
that he is now inly preprred TO do all kinds
OF Paper Hanging, Glazing amI Painting,
promptly and at short notice, aud that he
will keep constantly on hand fac stock o.
Paper IIanging< OF all descriptions and al
low prices. The patronage at the public
is earnestly solicited. May is, 1872
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
MAKES The WEAK STRONG.

The Peruvian Sygg21, q Protect
ed Solution Of the f>I'otcr;tfe Of
IRON. as SO combined as 10 HCtUe
the character Of an djinsent, as
easily digcstcG 09ad GSSi?iIijttfeG
sCifh the bI0OH as the simplest
food. 1t increases the quantity
of Natures OiUH Fjt0ii%jHg
AGeHt. IRON az the blood, G?ttt
cares ''O tkCHs0nd ills" simply
bvTORiHg Wp. H8vigor0tinG OI'G
THdii2i!lg The SySfeH9. The en-
7iched and i'ij0Ij@ed blood per-
mc0foS cUcpy part Of the body,
repairing damages G3ltt acT&tc,
searching OWt H3Or6jI scc''e-
ti0HS, 0:,I tearing 7'Ojhi1i1 for
disease to feet tIf>01.
THis is thc secret Of tic ;c0:,-
Ge31'tij success Of this 2'en3etty t;o
curing Dyspepsia, Liver Conn
plant, Dr0psy, Chronic Diar-
rhCea, BOiis, Nervous Affections,
ChiIIs and FcTers, IEun1ors,
Loss OF Constitutional Nigor,
Diseases OF the Kidneys and
Bladder, Female Complaints,
and 0I5 diseases originating i15
a OGtO StGt6 OF Jf5e Ot0OOs or &C.
cO3npG3aieG or debility or q IoiO
state Of the SyStejn. Being free
from 1ATCOhOE, i?a CJ35y form, ats
enerGiSiItJ effects are rot fol-
{oaUcI 0D corresponding 7'eGG-
tion, 6gtt are permanent, iIlJi5-
sing strength, CiyOE, Gl1& 7leto
life i;ttO al parts Of the system,
and JUitttjl'y s.l) G33 IFO!2 ColG-
stitUtiOn.
Thousands haze been changed
by the 1isc Of this 3'eIlcdy, from
2CeGE, SicLcIy, suffering c1'cU-
tures, to strong, he0!tiay, end
H0ppy men GG3J 2CoL3el1; and
iI1UGIjtIS cannot i'eGSO79GGJyh les
StGte 20 gjye ID u t2'jGJ.
See that each botjJe has PERU
WAN SYRUP GyoaCaa jss fISe glass.
Pamphlets Tree.
SETH W. FOWLE & SONS, Proprietors,
No. SIS Harrison Av., Boston.
SOLD By DRUGoIsTs GENERALLY.
OcI, ber IS, '73-ly.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-08-20
GREATLY REDUCED PRICES.
Chance to make Money.
One Hundred Dollars from One D0iLal'

One Hundred Dollars from One D0lal'
a sure thing and uo Deception
Every person owning HORSES Ols "a.
TIE, SHEEP and HOGS are gd1ranl.,,,
to make One Hundred Dollars .! ''''
One Dollar Package of
YOUATTs CONDITION. PO|Di''
manufactured by WILLIAM HoL'''II+,i -,ir
Stroudsburg. Ii you have never o'l@ y. ynf
a Package aud if it does not GeD5I, L5 I,i,n,
stock to The amount of one hunu''" and &c.
in your estimation, call at The s'o''
your money refunded. ,-,,} aDs
HORSES.-It will give them 7I I.r. the
petite, keep their skin loose ana l,af -, IN GOD
coat soft aud shining, keeping '4sm '4,s.nr here
condition with one-haIf the teeo' o''''
by saving of ono-half the money, more n
COWS.-It makes them give i've mora
with one. half the iced, and if they yp5ITrTrF&
milk of course YOU make more d.
and the more butter the more u'''I' C3tta
have so much confidence IL -, ~, sa5s.
Powder that make the above o., :, raiDs
ing we'll that it will do all 'A''
for it. ,rINSHElp
erAsk to see The Great l''l''
tidoie.
March 4, lSe9.-tf.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

"TALK Of opening OYSTERS" said old
Hurricane, "why, nothing is easier If
you know how" And how's how?"
inquired Starlight. "Scoteh snuff" an
swered old Hurricane, very sententiously;
Scotch snuff. Bring little OF it ever
so near their noses, and they'll sneeze
their lids off," II know n genius" OBJ
served Meister Karl, "who has better
plan. He spreads the biyalves in cir
Gle, seats himself in the center, and be-
gins spinning a yarn. Sometimes it's an
adventure in Mexico, sometimes a legend
OF his loves, sometimes marvellous stock
operation on Change. AS he proceeds,
the natives get interested one by one
they cape with astonishment a: the tre-
mendous and dreful whoppers which are
poured forth; and as they cape, my
friend whips 'em out, peppers 'em, and
swallows EN- "That'n do, said Star
light, with long sigh. 81 wish we had
bushel Of them here now-they'd open
easy.n t4
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

A SLIGHT MIsTAKE.-Thc following
anecdote, which is said to have appeared
in the newspapers many years ago, is said
to have been founded on an actual occur
renee. Although it may not illustrate
the Democratic simplicity Of the people
of Vermont today, it is nevertheless a
good story and good also for many years
longer life in the newspapers: ~".
Halo, you man with the pail and
frock; can you inform me whether his
Honor, the Governor of Vermont lives
here ?" said British officer, as he
brought his fiery horse to II stand in front
of Gov. Chittenden's dwelling.
He does" was the response of the
man, still wcnding his way to the pig sty.
"Is his Honor at home ?" continued
the man of spurs.
"Most certainly" replied frock.
"Take my horse by the bit, them" said
the officer. II have business to transact
with your MASTER"
Without second bidding, the man
did as requested, and the officer alighted
and made his way to the door, and gave
the panel several hearty raps with the
butt of his whip-for be it known that in
that in those days of Republican simplic-
ity, knockers and bells, like servants,
were in but little use. The good dame
answered the summons in person; and
having seated the officer and ascertained
his desire to see the Governor, departed to
inform her husband Of the guests arrival;
but on ascertaining that the officer had
made hitching post of her husband, she
Immediately informed him that her hus-
band was engaged in the yard, and could
not very well wait upon him and his
horse at the same time. The predica-
ment of the officer can be better imagined
than described.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

CnuBBs is an unfortunate man. He is
bald, and he uses some "renovator " ev-
cry night before going TO bed, for the
purpose Of making his hair grow. lie
forgot II on "Wednesday until after he
was in bed, and MS he knew Just where
the bottle was he thought IL WAS hard
y worth while to strike light. He
CROPPED around in the closet until he
found the bottle, and pouring out some
OF the stuff into his hand he rubbed his
scalp well with it after doing this see
ond time, he put the bottle back and
went to bed. During the night the baby
got to crying, and Mrs. Chubb rose and
lit the gus and as she did so she glanced
ut Chubb aud began TO scream. lie woke
up and tried to rise. but found his head
held firmly TO the bolster. Thon Mrs.
Chubb screamed louder than ever
Chubb, In serious alarm, jumped out OF
bed, carrying the bolster with him in hi.
arms. AS he camo opposite the mirror
he perceived that his head was perfect,
black, and upon making and examina
ton he found that he had rubbed hi,
scalp with his shoe varnish. 1t was dry
and hard, and immovably fixed to the
boster-case. He has not been out of the
house since. He soaks his head three
times day in warm water and ha,
still patches of black distributed all ovel
it, like GASES in the desert. But this
doesn't worry Mrs. Chubb as much a.
The condition Of the bolster-casc. Tha
is ruined. 1t had to be cut away to Civ,
Chubb freedom.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16
NUMBER 90.
CIRCUMsTANrIAL EVIDENCE.

The other day Lawyer johnson went
out OF tewn for the afternoon and left the
office in charge OF the boy. As soon as
he had fairly got out of sight the boy
hailed ScovilIe's boy, ana bringing him
into the Office the two sat down to gwuse
OF seyen-up. They were playing with
great spirit, continually accusing one
another OF cheating, and getting up and
throwing books ut each others head, and
sitting down again - resume the game,
and enjoying themselves generally as
much as ii they had both been orphans
and there were no apple-tree switches in
the country. After this had gone on for
an hour or two, and Lawyer Johnson's
boy had nearly "broken Scovilles' boy
BY winning Ave OF his seven cents, the
Rev. Mr.. Smiley happened il. to ask Mr.
johnson about when he ought TO have
donation party. The two boys were
caught and there was no use lying about
it. although Lawyer Johnson's boy show
cd the effect OF his legal education by at
once beginning 10 sweaf that he could
prove an ait6i when the proper time
should come. Good Mr.. Smiley thought
he would just talk kindly 10 the boys,
and SO he sat down with them at the Ia
BILE, and picking up the cards began to
ask them il they had any mothers, and il
SO what those mothers would say to SEQ
their sons gambling, and whether they
were prepared to die with their hands full
of aces and jacks, and how would they
explain this matter in future world.
Just then old Biggs camo in, and said
Hello Playing the boys little eu-
chre, ARE your Don't mind il take
hand myself" Mr. Smiley replied very
sternlv that he didnh know the game to
which he alluded. "Don't know it,
hey?" said old Biggs "well, what was
you a-plaving, boys?" Seven-up," an
swered Lawyer Johnson's boy, with great
promptness. "Well, WE'LL" continued
old Bggs, I'm sorry to hear it. Seven
up amt no game for u minister, Mr..
Smiley. Eucher. now. is nice genteel
game but never thoGght you'd play
seven-up, and for money, Too. Ifyou're
going 10 play for money, poker"s your
best hold I'll play you myself now for
half an hour-ten cents ante and dollar
bets. Here's my pile, you see," and that
graceless old reprobate pulled out his
poekct-book and drew up another chair
to the table. Mr.. Smiley sat speechLess,
holding the cards in his hand, when In
came Seoyille aud celared his boy. As
he dragged him away to execution, be
remarked TO Mr.. Smiley: $50 i'm
backslidcr, am II All right. After l
have done my duty Ms parent III call
on your dsacons To ask them what they
think OF n minister who teaches bows to
play cards. Oh. yes I'm backslider,
| am ! To DO sure. OF course | am"
Uttering this and her W thing sarcasms,
he withdrew, and the question which now
ngitates the village is whether old Biggs
did lose fifty dollars on flush to Mr..
Smiley, who held full, or whether Mr.
snailcy's four jacks were the hand that
really broke old Biggs. Daily Graphic.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16
THE DUTCHMAN's INSURANCE.

a good story is told of German by the
name OF Schmidt, who had taken the pre-
caution to insure the life of his wife for
$4,000 and the stable for 5000, believing
the former might die and the latter might
be burnt, and he could not get along
without some compensation for his loss.
Both policies had been taken from the
same agent. In few months after the
stable had been insured it was destroyed
BY fire. Schmidt quietly notified the
agent, and hinted to him that he would
expect the 5000 at the earliest possible
moment. The agent at once sent car
penter to ascertain the cost of erecting a
new barn of the same dimensions, having
found that the property had been insured
for more than it was worth. The builder
reported that he could replace the stable
with new material for $500, but untortu-
nately there was an ordinance against the
erection of frame buildings the old stable
having been of wood. He was asked To
estimate the cost Of brick stable, and
reported the amount at $3.50. Tho agent
then notified Schmidt that he would build
him new brick stable in place of the
old frame one, but Schmidt became very
indignant Mt the proposition, saying:
~ ton't understand dis insurance
piziness. | bay you vor nine hundred
tollars, and ven mine shtable purn down
you make me new Won. l ton't want a
new shtable. want mine nine hundred
tollars."
The agent reasoned with Schmidt, but
all to no purpose. When the stable WAS
about finished, Schmidt went to consult u
lawyer, thinking he could still get the
amount of his policy, besides having the
new stable.
The lawyer, however, informed him
that the company had the right to make
good the loss by building new stable,
and expressed surprise at his bringing
suit against them.
But" said Schmidt, ~ inshure vor
nine hundred tollars, und dis felar put
dem sthable up for seven hundred and
fifty. l ton't understand dis insurance
piziness."
Finding that he could not compel the
payment by law, he became disgusted
with the insurance business altogether.
Calling upon the agent, Schmidt suid:
"Mr. Agent, want you to sthop dat
insurance on mine vrow. don't pay
no more monish dat vay-I ton't under
sthand dis insurance piziness."
Agent (much surprised :" Why, Mr..
Schmidt, you are doing very foolish
thing. You have paid considerable
portion OF this policy already, and 1t your
wife should die you would get five thous-
and dollars"
faw, dat is vat you told mo now,"
said Schmidt. "Ven pays you on my
sthable you say | get nine hundred toIar
II it was purned down So it vas purnt
und you will not give me mino monish.
You say, 'Oh dat vas an old frame sthn-
ble,' und you no pay mine nine hundred
tollar. Ven mine vrow dies den you say
to me, oh, she vas an mn old Dutch vom-
an and sho not word anydings--l get you
you new English wife = und so | ton't
get my five tousand tolar. You tom,
fool Schmidt, II coube Of dimes"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16
THE GREEN SPOT.

The late Noah Winslow was fond of
telling the following incident of his mer-
camille life, and he never closed the mar
ratve but with swimming eyes
During the financial crisis and crash OF
'57, when heavy men were sinking all
around us, and banks were tottering, our
house became alarmed in view of the
condition of its own affairs.
The partncrs-three of us, of whom l
was the senior-met in our private office
for consultation. Our junior had made
careful inventory of everything-of his
bills receivable and bills payable, and
his report was, that twenty thousand dol.
lars worth Of ready money, to be held
through pressure would save us. With
out that we must go by the board-the
result was inevitable. went out upon
the street, and among my friends, but in
vain.
Two whole days strove and begged,
and then returned to the counting house
in despair. l sat at my desk expecting
every moment to hear our junior sound
ing the terrible words, "our paper is pro-
tested r'-when gentleman entered my
apartment unannounced. l could not To-
cate him nor call him to my mind in any
way.
"Mr. Winslow," he said, taking u
seat at the end OF the desk, ~ hear you
are in need Of money"
The very face of the man inspired me
with confidence, and l told him how
was situated.
Make your individual note, for one
year, without interest, for twenty thous.
and dollars, and | will give you check,
payable in gold for that amount"
While sat gazing upon him in speech
less astonishment, he continued
You don't remember me, but l ro-
member you. i remember when you
were member of the Superintending
School Committee of Bradford. was u
boy in the village school. My father
was dead my mother was poor and
was shabbily-clad child, though clean.
When our class came out on examina-
ton day, you asked the questions. l fam
cied you would praise and pet the child
rem Of rich and fortunate parents and
pass me by.
" But it was not as l thought. In the
end you passed by all the others, and
came to me. You laid your hand on my
head, and told me l did very well and
then you told me could do still better il
| would try. You told me the way TO
honor and renown was open to NIL alike,
no one had free pass.
"All l had to do was to be resolved
and press on. That, sir, was the turning
point Of my life. From that hour my
soul has aspired, and l have never reach
ed great good without blessing you in
my heart. have prospered and am
wealthy, and now | offer you but poor
return for the soul wealth you gave me
in that by-gone time"
81 took the check" SAID Winslow,
and drew the gold and our house was
saved. And where, Mt the end Of the
year, do you suppose | found my notc?-
In possession of my little orphaned grand
daughter |"
Oh, hearts like that mans are what
brings heaven and earth together Am
sterddm, ". Y. Recorder.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

WIEN Nor TO Do IT.-Look well 10
the time Of doing anything; there is a
time for all things. Choose the time for
saying things. Ifyour wife looks wearied
and Worn out, be sure it is not the right
time to tell her that the dinner is not hot,
or that her bread is sour. Comfort her;
cheer her up. Use the ten thousand little
stratagcms you were wont to handle SO
sl>illlully in the old days to bring out the
smiles around her lips.
If you are annoyed or vexed at people,
just remember it is not the right time to
speak. Close your mouth, shut your
teeth together firmly, and it will save you
many useless and unavailing regret and
many bitter enemy. If you happen to
feel little cross-and who among us does
not, at some time or other p do not Sc
lcct that season for reproving your noisy
household flock. One word spoken in
passion will make Il scar that Summer
of smiles can hardly heal over.
If you are II wife never tease your hus-
band when he comes home weary from
his days business. 1t is not the time
Do not ask him for expensive outlays
when he he has been talking about hard
times; it is most assuredly y the wrong time,
II he has entered upon any undertaking
against your advice, do not seize the mo-
ment Of his failure to say, 81 told you
SOL" In fact it is never the right time
for these four monosylabes.
lfpeople only knew enough to discrim-
mate between the right time and the
wrong time, there would be less domestic
unhappiness, less silent sorrow, and less
estrangement of hearts. The greatest
calamities that ever shadow our lives
have sometimes their germ in matters
apparently slight as this. If you pause
reader, before the singing taunt or the
biting sneer, the unkind scolf passes your
lips, pause just long enough to ask your
self, - Is it the right time me to speak ?''
you would shut the door against many a
heartache. The world hinges on small
things, and these are not more trivial
than the right time and the wrong time
-Fornel'S S"nddy Chronicle.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

MARRIAGE among the Burmese is q
most peculiar 10 stitution, and tho "mar-
riage knot" is easily undone. Iftwoper-
sons ARE tired OF each others society. they
dissolve partnership in the following sim
Pile and touching but conclusive manner.
They respectively light two candles, and
shutting up their hut, sit down and wait
quietly until they are burned up. The
ono whose candle burns out first, gets up
Mt once and leaves the house (and forevsr)
taking nothing but the clothes hc or she
may have GA at the time; all else then be-
comes the property Of the other party.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

DRAwIsG THE PAIS.-A tall Yankee,
standing six feet three in his stockings,
was suddenly attacked with symptoms OF
fever. Having a violent pain in the
head, his wife, to afford hn relief, was
about to apply draughts to his feet when
be asked:
" What are you patting them on my
feet for p
Why" said she, "to draw the pain
out of your head"
"The deuce!" says he; ~ would rather
it would stay where it is than to have it
drawn the whole length of me-"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16

THE SPIDER.-One ov the most inge-
nious and hardest wurkers amung the
whole lot ov little bugs in creashun, IL
the common spider.
They will do more on web, in six
hours, than man could do in hiz whole
lifetime, and du mutch better job into
the bargain.
There amt nothing that the meanest
insect in the world duz for his necessity
or convenience that man could do half
az well, even il he was paid his own price
for the wurk.
This IL funny, but it IL true, and that
IL the best joke ov all.
Spiders are the meanest reptiles that
hang around this earth, for they are the
only ones that kan now think ov who
set traps for their wilkins.
They are as bad as man in this re-
spekt.
Thare is no moral fun in spider he
| IL NJ lonesome as mizcr he spends hiz
whole life making nets and watching
! them, and allwuss lays at the mouth ov
his hole, reddy to back in out ov danger.
A man will step one side rather than
step on II kriket, and would rather skare
fly than kill him, NJ sassy AZ he " but
he goes for a spider with both feet at
once, and seems to feel drediull sorry il
he misses him.
Spiders have no friends in this wurd,
and the reason must be because they are
both vicious and cunning.
Thcze two traits will make even man
an outlaw, and they akt just the same on
n spider.-Josh Billings, in NeW York
| Weekly.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-05-16
GEwuINE Sonnow.-At very success

GENUINE SORROW. AT very success
ful seanee in Cincinnati, the other night,
u man burst into tears when the medium
described very accurately a tall, blue
eyed spirit by him. with side whiskers
and hair parted in the middle. 30 you
know him ?" whispered the man at his
side in II sympathetic whisper. Know
himr guess do" replied the unhappy
man, wiping his eyes. He was engaged
to my wife. II he hadn't died, he would
have been her husband instead OF mo.
Oh George George ~ he murmured.
"why did you peg out p