New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-09-24
A CRUMBY CONTENTION.

A GRUMPY CONVENTION.
No fictitious characters impress us with
sense of reality like those of Shakespeare.
When we read of Convention of the Fat
Men of Ohio and Michigan, which was held at
Put-in-Bay on the 10th inst, we said to our
selves: "Ah! if only Sir John Falstaff could
"bave been there!n He is the ideal of adj
pose He is the refinement of grossness. His
wit and his waggery; his mendacity so enor-
nous that it almost seems more respectable
than truth his selfshness so absolute that 1T
has an aspect Of generosity; his sensuality 80
little concealed that it well nigh amounts to
the spiritual-all these are qualities which
demand large quarters We cannot picture
him as spare; we cannot think of his
unctuous sentences coming from hungry
mouth His great sides give to his
cnaff and balderdash the gravity OF a
sermon. Mauger many doubts. we respect
him as we respect mountain. He talks, 1t
is true, almost always of himself, but then
there is so much to talk about! Hundreds OF
pounds go to his composition, and there is
the wisdom which makes the best of every
thing in every ounce of them.
But we must not forget our fat friends at
Put-in-Bay while dwelling affectiOnately upon
their swelling prototype. Such meeting was
of ponderous pOrtent, and may be called the
Apotheosis of Avoirdupois. There was, in
deed, in the regulation of the Convention,
slight suspicion of personal pride and exclu-
siveness. The standard of qualification was
high, or at least broad and heavy. Perfect
rotundity alone answered the completeness of
the conception, and no light weight
Al ;t,,ttn al all IN
(Article ~ vigorously shut the gates of ad-
mission upon every candidate weighing less
than 200 pounds. Credentials were in the cor
poration. Nobody concerning whose specific
gravity there was the least doubt could take
his seat before going to scale, and the Gghtest
monster of a member, John DulcO, esq, of
Monroe, Mich, weighed 200 pounds; the most
ponderOus being Mr.. John Templeton of Swan
ton, Ohlo who pulled down 429 pounds, and
was accordingly made Honorary Chairman.
All but it must have been sight to see
them all seated in long and billowy rows
ranges of sesquipedality, chains of alb
dominal Alps and pyramids of the pinguid
Only fancy the King of the Cannibal
Islands looking in there with his mouth full
of water! Why there were SO distinct and
separate masses of meat, and the aggregate
weight thereof, if we have not Numbered in
addition, was 1859 pounds! Had they been
heaped up, it would have been Pelion upon
Ossa. Woman, too, lovely and large, was
there, viz: Mrs. Walter Delerri, Norwalk,
Ohio COS pounds), and Mrs. Sullivan, North
Bass Island, Ohio (29S pounds.) Hail to you,
most equal and most mighty Mesdames! Joans
of juiciness noble champions of the equality
- Al of in ba ttaro IF
plumpness. Our souls all love largeness, and
the tout ensemble must have been imposing in
the extreme!
The constitution of the Fat Mems Association
takes nothing from the respect which we
naturally feel for the great. Especially do we
notice that proviso which sternly excludes
from membership "any person who has ex-
"hibited himself for money" Mo- let fairness
be its own exceeding great reward! Drunk
ards, too. are cut off; but then drunkenness
with such powers of absorption seems almost
impossible. Neither can crpples come in,
since cripple of 300 pounds must be a
scandal of immobility. The object of the As
ISOLATION is set forth to be "the enjoyment Of
"the, good things of life, under the salutary
restraints of temperance, moderation, and
"good company" Very well! 1t could MT be
better If good things are not created to be en-
joyed, will some lantern jawed and raw-boned
philosopher tell us what they were created for
Far be it from us, however, to speak disre-
spectfully of the lean as such They have
their advantages, especially In the dOg-days,
when the thick and stOat are crying: 80 that
"this too, too solid flesh would meltw Did
not the mighty Caesar compliment even their
intellectual powers when he said they think
"too much7n Their clothes cost less while
they are living, and their last wooden suit
less when they are dead. Their genial wit,
when they possess it, is more admired be-
cause it is unexpected; and if they should
conclude to hold Lean Mems National Con-
vention, no doubt it would be a most respect
able gathering of the bony and the bright.
For Committee on Permanent Organization
First District, Thomas Murphy of New-York" Yes,
that Is il precisely. Mr.. Murphy has been the first