Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-07-16
M,sceIlaneOus.

A noem. commencing with NV ooos
T conld sore" is declined.
Dumb pianos, for beginners, are
advertised in London.
The world is forgetful of its bene
factors. Who knows the name OF the
man who invented chewing gum?
A toad in Parton, Vt, stands under
leaky beer barrel and catches the
drops as they fall, getting gloriously
drunk.
"What are you doing thereP' said
a grocer to fellow who was stealing
his lard. 81 am getting fat, =" was the
reply.
A Japanese young lady, who came
over to our shores three years ago,
bore off four of the highest prizes at
Washington seminary last week.
Said Mrs. A. to Mrs. B., "Don't
Won think that Mr.. C. has remark
able stock of common senseT "He
ought to have" replied Mrs. B., 'for
no one ever saw him use any,"
The vexed question of science and
faith may now be considered as set
tied. A Philadelphia young woman
has written composition upon it,
and had it read at commencement.
BY strange coincidence the brew
cry, beer garden, house of i'll fame,
and Poor House are all ON the same
road. The poor house is at the
further end of the string-Wooster
(0.) Republican.
"My son." said a tutor of doubtful
morality, but severe aspect, putting
his hand on boys shoulder, II be-
lieve Satan has got hold of you" 81
believe so too," was the reply.
A lantern.jawed Vermonter got
aboard of steamer for the first time,
and fell through the hatchway into
the hold, when, being unhurt, he was
heard to express his surprise: "Well,
if the darned thing amt holler!
A New York man who believes in
advertising paid a bill of $4,000, tie
other day, for years work, but ii
was money well spent, for the earn
ings resulting from that advertise
ment, which were divided among four
persons, footed up $650,O00.
In Newark, n. j., numerous com
plants have been made to the police
authorities about well dressed women,
who frequent the public parks, and
under the pretense of kissing and
caressing babies in charge of chill
dren and half grown nurses, rob them
Of their jewelry and embroidered gar
ments.
An old veteran was relating his ex-
ploits to a crowd of boys, and men
toned having been in five engage
ments. That's nothing" broke in
little fellow, my sister Agnes has
been engaged eleven times"
One who makes human nature his
study says that, when girl takes her
handkerchief and moistening it with
her lips wipes black spot off young
mans nose, a wedding between the
two parties is inevitable.
A young lady engaged to be mar
ried, but getting sick of her bargain,
applied to a friend to help her unite
the knot before it was too late, ''Oh,
certainly" he replied, ''it's very easy
to unite it now while it is only beau
knot"
Pride takes an early start in San
Francisco. When a lad breaks loose
from his mothers apron strings and
secures a position at three dollars
per week, the first thing he does af-
ter that is to hire a Chinaman to run
errands for him.
A truly happy day-"Well, Leono-
ra,' what have you and Harold been
doing at Aunt Mabels to-dayp'
Had dinner "And what did you
do after dinner?'' "Had tea" '.But
what did you do between dinner and
tea% Had some caker'
A Sunday school teacher was Civ
ing a lesson on Ruth. She wanted
to bring out the kindness of Boaz in
commanding the reapers to drop
larger handfuls of wheat. ''Now,
she said, "Boaz did anoth-
er nice thing for Ruth; can you tell
me what it was%' married herr
said one of the boys.
The other day an adipose citizen
strolled up to couple of acquaint-
ances who were talking on a corner,
and one of them saluted him with:
"Why, you are growing bigger every
day. l have heard of a man being
fatter than a fool, but 1 believe you
are fatter than two FOOLS" "Weli, |
guess 1 would outweigh both of you,"
replied old rotund, quietly, as he
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