The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1874-06-03
ghask, gh,,i. aud ghaaty.

lcal Va OoUPiihS'4
IA soft answer turneth away
wrath" as the boy said when he
hurled q ball at his school
master.
Why did William Tell shudder
when he shot the apple from his sons
head? Because it was an arrow es-
cape.
What is the difference between
q hangman and gambler? One
ropes people in, and the other ropes
people out.
According to a Kansas decision,
a husband and wife can enter show
on ticket reading "admit one."-
Most righteous judge
james Russell Lowell says: "Put
a Yankee on Juan Fernandez, and he
would make spelling book first and
a salt pan afterward."
The New Orleans Picayune de-
sires some of the female crusaders to
visit that city, and try and remove
some of the bars from the mouth of
the Mississippi.
Water proof houses, made OF
gutta- percha slabs, are now being
manufactured. There is one advan-
tage about this style of houses-and
that is, you bend the chimney to suit
the wind.
my DEAR" said the sentimental
Mrs. Waddles, "home, you know, is
the dearest place on EARTH" "Well,
yes" said the practical Mr.. Waddles,
it costs me about twice as much as
any other spot"
"A little boy, carrying home some
eggs from the grocery, dropped them.
Ibid you break any?' asked his mo
Their, when he told her of it. "No,"
said the little fellow, "but the shells
came off some of them"
"A Georgia negro, who bet ten
dollars that Gen. Washington COM
handed at Bull Run, handed the
money over with the remark: "Well,
dis yere hist'ry business is alkmixed
up anyway"
Omaha doctors who havn't any
patients rush through the streets,
harness up, drive out Of town like a
whirlwind, and come back slowly on
another road, causing people to be-
lieye that it is case of life or death.
"A visitor from Star Island being
questioned in regard to the new ho-
tel there, replied that it was called
the "Oceanic." "The O'Shannik,"
said the questioner, with some sur
prise, ''why that's an Irish name,
amt it?"
While couple of women were
discussing, the other day, the merits
Of q certain physician, one of them
asked the other what kind of doc
tor he was. "Sure, / dunno" was
the reply, ''but I think it's an alpaca
doctor they call him.
-Near-sighted hens are not SO bad
after all. Jones says that he had one
once that ate a quart of saw-dust,
supposing that it was meal, and then
went off and laid a nest full of bu-
reau knobs. But then Jones is near
sighted himself.
"A French gentleman, learning
English to some purpose, replied
thus to the salutations: "How do you
do, monsieur?' "Do vat?" GLOW
do you find YOURSELF" II never To-
ses myself" "How do you feelT'
Smooth. You just feel me-"
"A little orphan boy, who was
nearly starved by the stingy uncle
This guardian with whom he lived,
meeting lank greyhound one day
in the street, was asked what made
the dog so thin. After reflection,
the little fellow replied: II suppose
he lives with his uncle"
IA lawyer and a parson were
talking about which way the wind
was. The former said: eve 60 by
the Court House vane." "And We"
replied the parson, Ego by the church
vane." "Well," said the lawyer, SIN
the matter of wind that is the best
authority" And the parson went to
eogitate.
AN old 1rishman entered our Of
Zee few weeks ago, with an inven-
tion he wished to have patented. 1t
consisted of fine, long steel blade
of 8 penknife, whose handle termina
ted in lead pencil. eyes," we re-
piled, "it's good pencil, but what S
the blade at the other end for?"