The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-07-03
By HORSLEY BROS. & FIGUERS,

the dust" "It will spoil these clothes. "
Well, don't you deserve it p" "The
dust fills my eyes" eyes, any man
who CANDLES all his dust away at
three-card monte deserves to have dust
IN his eyes-and alkaG dust at that. -
"The dust chokes me-" can right /:
any man who will buck at monte de.
serves to be choked. Keep the road,
sir-the middle of the road-cIose up to
the wagon. Do you think you will ever
buck at monte again, Armstrong;"
And so the poor culprit, self-arrested,
self-condemned, coughed, and sneezed,
and choked, and walked, and talked,
mile after mile, hour after hour while
the great wagon groaned and creaked,
the driver bawled and swung his whip,
the patient oxen gave their shoulders to
the yoke, and the golden sun of Sep.
tember sunk wearily toward the west.
The shadows of evening were begin
ming to fall when the wagon halted at
the place called Packers Roost, on the
Yuba.
Here we rest" sighed Armstrong,
Just above his breath, as he looked at
the stream. "No, you don't" answered
the head of the firm. "You buck your
money away at monte, and talk about
resting Now, Armstrong, go right
! down the bank, sir, into that river"
AS the command was peremptory, and
spirit of obedience was thought the
safest, Armstrong obeyed without par
| ley; and down he went, over head and
ears, store-clothes and all, into the cold
| mountain stream. 1t was long time
that he remained in the water, and un-
der the water. He would come to the
surface every little while to talk, YOU
understand. It was impossible for
Armstrong to forbear talking. go,
yes" he would say, as he came up and
snutfed the water from his nose, "you1l
buck your money away at three-card
monte, will you? How do you like
water r-cure ?" His words were, of
course, duly punctuated by irregular
pluHgings ard catching of the breath.
1t 50 happened that the man who
kept the shanty hotel at the Packers
Roost, had a woman for a wife. She, be-
ing a kind-hearted creature, besought
her lord to go down and "help the
poor crazy man out of the water"
Pshaw!" said the ox-driver, che
amt crazy man he's fool. He
walked behind my wagon and talked to
himself all the way from Scrabble
town"
ThereupoD rose a lengthy discussion |
about the difference between a crazy |
man and fool. But, after awhile. the |
landlord and the ox-driver went down |
to the bank and agreed to go Arm
strong's security against bucking at
monte in the future, if he would come
out of the water. So he came out and
went mp to house
fWill you have cup of tea or cof-
fee ?" said the woman kindly.
GO Yes, madam" said Armstrong, "I
will take both,
"He is crazy, sure as can be-" said
the woman. But she brought the two
cups as ordered. "Milk and sugar ?"
she inquired kindly, as before.
No, madam, mustard and red pep
per-" answered Armstrong.
" 1 do believe he is fool" said the
woman, as she went for the pepper and
mustard.
Arc strong, with deliberate coolness,
put spoonful of red pepper into the
tea and a spoonful of mustard into the
coffee. Then he poured the two to-
gether into large tin cup. Then the
old conflict ragged again, and, high above
the din of rattling tiR~cups and pewter
spoons, sounded the stern command,
u" Armstrong, drink it, sir-drink it
down" A momentary hesitation and
few desperate gulps, and it was down.
" Oh, yes," said our hero, as his throat
burned and the tears ran from his eyes,
" you buck your money away at three
card monte, do you ?"
Now, the ThOmsonian dose above de-
scribed very nearly ended the battle
with poor Armstrong. He was silent
for quite time, and everybody else
was silent. After while the landlord
ventured to suggest that bed could be
provided if it was desired. "No," said
Armstrong, "Ill sleep on the floor.
You see, stranger" said he, cycling the
landlord with a peculiar expression,
&C this fool has been squandering gold,
dust at monte-three-card mOnte-and
does not deserve to sleep in a bed"
So Armstrong ended the days battle
by going TO bed on the floor. Then
came the dreams. He first dreamed
that he was sleeping with his feet on
the North Pole and his head in the
tropics, while all the miners of Yuba
we're ground sluicing in his stomach.
Next, he dreamed that he had swallow
ed Mount Shasta for supper, and that
TIE old mountain had suddenly become
an active volcano, and was vomiting !
acres and acres of hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, and he
seemed to have found his final abode in
a place of vile smells and fierce flames,
POLITICALLY called the antipOdes of heav
an. And while he writhed and groaned
IN sleepless agony, fork-tailed tiend, .
with his thumb at bis nose, was saying ,
TO him in a mocking voice: You
buck your money away at three-card
monte, do you-hey ?" But even this
5roubled sleep had an end at last, and :
Armstrong arose. When he looked at !
himself in the broken looking glass that :
lung on the wall, he thought his face :
bore traces of wisdom that had never
Oeen there before. So he said: 81 think ,
you have learned a lesson, Armstrong. :
You can go back to your mining now, .
,ir, and leave monte alone" Time :
showed that he was right. His lesson
vas we'll learned. The miners looked :
/ little curious when he reappeared at =
he camp, and still called him crazy. :
But he had learned lesson many of :
hem never learned, poor fellows. They !;
their old ways, making money :
asst and spending it foolishly-even =
giving it to monte dealers. But the :
Armstrong firm was never broken in
hat way but once. After that, when !
,ver he saw one of the peculiar signs, :
Robbers Roost," "Fleecer's Den," :
,r "FooPs Last Chance" Armstrong :
would shake his head with knowing :
lir, and say to himself as he passed
long: "Oh, yes, Armstrong, you've
,een there you know all about that =
7ou don't buck your money away at
hree card monte-not much. I