The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-05-01
HOW AMERICA HATES ENGLAND.


has forgotten, if he ever knew, tn
exact language he nsed, hut tina
was the substance of it. Nj
Goodwin Smith is a professor @
History. "Don't read history
said Sir Robert Walpole, whs
some member of his family OF
fered to read to him, during a f
of illness, probably ministers
govt, 'Don't read History to me
for l know it is not true" If tina
was the opinion of one who ha'
assisted in making History, wha
are we to think of the opinion O
one who has merely written it
Is Mr.. Goodwin Smiths remarI
true? Is it History, or only hi
story? The Etcher might answe
the first half of this question Will
a fat "Nop' and the last half will
a plain "Yesw but instead O.
doing either, he prefers to answer
it in his own way.
A few years ago,-it seems An
age now that it is pasta few
years ago, when the North and
South were engaged in contesting
let us say considerably, The Lost
Cause, the proprietor of the Lon.
don Telegraph sent to this coun
try the cleverest member of its
staff to write up, or write down
our life and death struggle. The
EtcEer saw him on the first night
of his arrival, and many nights
and days afterWard, and, OF
course, told him how Americans
hated England. So did many
others, to whose houses he was
invited, and who gave him little
dinners at Delmonico's and else
where. By and by his letters in
the Telegraph began to reach Us.
They were rosy at first, and we
smiled. Soon they were not SO
rosy; still we smiled. At last
they were abusive; still we smiled,
for, between ourselves, the cores
pondent smiled" altogether too
much while writing them. He
went back when his work was
done, and published two volumes
about us, and we forgave him
because we hated England.
But to come to something more
recent, for this occurred ten or
twelve years ago. There are in
New York as many clubs as are
good tor the morals of its young
men a strict moralist would,
probably, say more, but let that
pass); and among these clubs are
two which are especially devoted
to hating England. Everybody
has heard of the Persimmon Club,
and a good many have heard of
the Utopian. We read about
them in the papers-indeed, we
can't help reading about them.
1t was believed in the olden time
that a club was a private institu.
ton, established for the sole use
of its members, whose sayings
and doings were sacred. There
was a rose of silence over every
door. All that is changed now, ex-
cept in the case of one old fogy
Club called The Sentry, probably
because it is so difficult to pass the
Committee of Admissions. It il
the business of the Persimmon and
the iUtopian to hate England, and
manfnlly do their members carry it
on. There is rivalry between the
two Clubs on this point, and the
struggle is to decide which shall be
the first in declaring it. When an
English steamer crosses the bar at
Sandy Hook with a distinguished
Briton on board, the great fact is
telegraphed to each Club, and q dele
CATION of its members, who sleep
in the Club House for that purpose,
goes to meet him. The Utopians
go in carriages, the gentlemen of
the Persimmon in q steam-tug and
as the carriages can get no nearer
the incoming steamer tnan the dock
at which she will land her precious
passenger, while the ting can meet
her and him coming up the Bay,
why, the Persimmon is generally
the first to proclaim its hatred of
England. The unresisting Briton is
captured before he has reached our
shores, and is compelled to promise
to dine with the Persimmon Club
on the ensuing Saturday evening.
Should he be captured by the
Utopians, which is hardly likely,
he would be compelled to make q
similar promise. How can he es.
cape? 1t is one of the customs of the
country, he is told, and he submits.
He is escorted to his hotel and
guarded,-en the honor of the
Etcher, he is guarded strictly. In
reviewers are kept from him !;
chagrin at losing him keeps away
the Utopians; the Persimmon is
radient and rampant. Saturday
evening comes, and with it the dis
tinguished Briton. He is dined
tolerably; he is wined largely; he
is smoked dreadfully, for the Per-
simmonses are Lobscconalians and
then he is-spoken at. Elaborate
impromptus are acclaimed, and he
is obliged to listen to them, and to
answer them. He stammere,-all
Britons debut manages to sur
vive the attacks that are made up.
on his unhappy country; and when
all is over, he goes back to his ho-
tel delighted. AT least he processes
to be then, but the headache which
he has, or ought to have, the next
y
er that profession. This, as the
Etcher conjectures, is what happens
to the Wretched Briton; and that
his conjecture is not very inaccu.
rate,s he knows when he sees the
Sunday Trumpet or the Mondays
ROStTunl, where the speeches that
were given and taken are reported
in full, with ford description OF
the Club House, and list of the
distinguished guests who were
present. All of which is delight.
full reading. 1t matters not who
the Briton is:
ITO this complexion he must come Al
last
Last year he was an elocutionist, q
novelist, a historian; this year hi
is the same elocutionist, another
historian, and q poet. How W.
Americans hate Englandi
The object of this etching, for i
has one, is not so much to confut'
the assertion of Mr.. Goodwin
Smith, which is absurd, as to indi
cate defect in the American char
acter, and that is, the habit o
toadying EngIishmen. They ma,
be distinguished or they may not
we toady them all the same. w
do it at our Clubs,-that is, they d,
it at the Persimmon and the Utopi
an,-and we do 1t at our tables
when they condescend to accep
our multitudinous invitations.
The Etcher wishes to be under
stood. He believes in great meI
English or otherwise, and no on
is more ready to do homage t
. their greatness. He believes in th
recognition which Froude an
, Kingsley, and Tyndall and Procto
, haye received here, but he does ne
. believe in the recognition whic
!, certain other Englishmen, VII
need not be named, have received
It exceeded their deserts. whic