Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-01-28
Facetia.
CHEAP transportation mass

Don't feed him.
WHEN is a bell-boy like q broken
merchant When he refuses to take
up a note.
A TERRE HAUrE man, who has been
trying to make both ends meet, is
living on headcheese and ox-tail soup.
WHAT is the difference between
plan Of battlefield and a roasted
pippin ?-One is a war map and the
other warm apple.
QUEsTIoNABLE-Wh man mar
ries poetess, does he take he take her
for better or for verse ?-Ne,U Orleans
Picdyune.
CT HAVE lost fesh," said a topper to
his companion. "No great loss" re-
piled the other, since you have made
1t up in spirits"
OUR nervous editor, whenever he gets
excited, goes into the composing room
and becomes composed. "-Peters.
burg Appeal.
An obituary notice in Western pa
per contained the touching intelligence
that the deceased accomplished lit
tie money and ten children
THEY have an organization in Boston
called the caesars" They are accus-
toned, it is SAID, to passing the &C Ruby
corn"
SCOTCH keeper to young sportsman
eye haze shot a boy" Young sports
man-"Good heavens! Is it possible2
What shall I do?' Keeper Gmmov-
able)-"Gie him a shullin."
A Fort WAYNE girl engaged herself
to young man s. for fun" but she
tainted when she found that he had
procured the publication of the en-
gagement in a newspaper.
GENERAL SHANKs thinks that good
clothes would GO far to civilize the In
dams. How sweet it would be to be
scalped by Pawnee wearing alligator
boots and a rufded shirt!
WELL, this is new device. The
Danielsonville, Conn.,, temperance or
ganization buy up bad bills against
rumsellers, and then attach their alco-
holic stock in trade. ..
Why don't you give us a little
Greek and Latin occasionally asked
a country deacon of a new minister.
" Why, do you understand those Ian
guages" Ono, but we pay for the
best, and we ought to have it,"
COULD anything be heater than the
old darkey's reply to beautiful yonng
lady whom he offered to lift over the
gutter, and who insisted that she was
too heavy "Lor, missus," said he,
Use used to lifting barrels of sugar."
DELEGATES of the season-Lady, Ito
Jeames, who has brought her note)
Did you ask the young person to
take seat
Jeames-" Beg pard'n m'lady, she'd
hevidently been eatin' O onions SO I
as'd her to be s. good as to wait out
side s" #a#
AN Indian doctor in Washington
Territory was recently unfortunate
enough to have patient, squaw, die
under his treatment, and as he was too
poor to compensate the husband for his
loss, the latter balanced the account by
shooting the doctor.
q" IF some of our druggists" says an
Illinois paper, 6 would fill a bottle of
bed-bug poison, place it in the back
room, and label it 'Old Rye, there
would be so many inquests in the next
twenty-four hours that all the papers
would have to issue supplements.
CoMP1IMENrARY.- Don't Won
think, now, these are vewy dweawy
parties, where the only parties one
meets are parties one never knows 2"
She" Not more dreary than other
parties where the only ones one knows
are no ones"
HoUsEMAID-"Im sorry to hear
you've lost your uncle, Mary" MARY
Eyes, it was sudden. But, amt it
real comfort as [ got that black dress
instead of the green one you wanted
me to buy?" ... 49,
The costs of the Bazaine trial is esti-
mated at 100000 francs, which, accord
ing to the verdict, the prisoner ought
to pay, but it is said that the govern
ment will, in consideration Of the re-
commentator tomercy, let him off with
half
A NICE little baby was found the
other night on the doorstep of Father
Hughes, the Catholic priest at Port
Jervis. There was fair going on for
the benefit of st. Mary's Church, and
the little one was taken there and raf-
fed for, there being 20 chances at ten
cents apiece.
A FEW Gays since boy was passing
through the cars on the Erie Railroad,
handing out advertisements Of ''Noth-
ing to Wear" illustrated. A lady re-
marked to a gentleman, "This takes
off the ladies, [ suppose" NO." re-
piled her friend, cit only takes off
their dresses" ''Then," said the lady,
it is proper that STRIPPING should
sell it," I.I
Il SUPPOSE said physician, smi-
ling, and trying to be witty while feel
ing the pulse of patient, who had
submitted to solicit his adj
vice, " [ suppose you think me hum
bug" Sir, I WAS not aware that you
could discover a mans thoughts by
feeling his pulse,'' gravely replied the
sick man.
Tr1 o4ob,,oo, of Tho DoppovIvania