Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-11-19
.,,s.elIaneous.

Long diyision-Divorce.
A nod fellow-Morpheus.
Light-headed-A street-lamp.
Fee simple-A fee to aqnack.
Levellng down-Going to bed.
Very hard lines-the railways
A yawi-Boat-one filled with crying
babies.
An actof great politeness-Polish-
ing stove.
How to treat wife-Treat her to
new dress.
Consistent to the last: Tom Col
Inns has died in cell.
It is better to be flush in the
pocket than in the face.-Dasaoary
NeWs.
Albert Edward can pay his debts Ii
he wants to. He don't want to, how
ever
A San Francisco man committed
suicide because a pictorial sheet
characterized him as an ''old nuis-
ance."
20 kittensl in our hours of ease.
uncertain toys and full of feas:
when pain or anguish hang DER men,
we turn you into sausage then
A Georgetown man advertises con-
cerning his runaway wife, that, Gas
] never pay my own debts it is rea
sonable to suppose that l shall not
pay hers"
THERE'S evidently very brilliant
future before Weston, but the general
opinion is that he won't begin to real
iZe it much until somebody saws off
his legs.
''Uncle, how do you do? Which do
you like best, work for wages, or
part of de cropP' ''Waal, 'clare, !
tink bofe de best, if you can only
brung 'em togeder."
Old DIR. Todd's son is bringing
Todd's manuel down to date-a
much needed work, for there is very
little in that manuel of Old Todd's
about modern mixed drinks.
The opinion is being strengthened
every day that the man who first
made shirt to button behind did
more for the world than one who has
discovered five comets.
Loves Language-Young bride:
'Was she his own darling dacknms"
"Yes; she was ownty donty darling
duckums." Exit old married man,
enraged and disgusted.
Girls, as you value your lives, don't
get up and get breakfast in the morn
ings. A young lady attempted itone
day last week, and was burned to
death. Show this to your mammas.
A young blood at a hotel was re-
quested to pass a dish near him.
1Do you mistake me for a waiter?"
said the exquisite. "No, sir, / mis-
took you for a gentleman" was the
prompt reply.
Washington Irving once alluded to
a man of superior pomposity as "a
great man, and, in his own estima-
tion man of great weight When
he goes to the west he thinks the
east tips up"
There is a German in Carbon
county, Pa, who is father of thirty
three children. His wife has just re-
jected an application of the Commits
sioners of Charities to put him on the
retired list.-BroOklyn Argus.
The love-letters of the Due de
Richelieu are offered for sale in Paris.
In none of them, however, does it
appear that he and his sweetheart,
ever simultaneously sucked at the
same stick of candy Washington
Chronicle.
Mr.. Dubois, of Fall River, has had
the blood of live lamb introduced
into his veins, as a remedy for con-
sumption. It's probable that there
will be no unusual effect save an alb
normal fondness for all girls named
Mary.
Boston men can't believe what
they see. One of them had to feel
steam auger in Chicago to see
if it was really whirling. 1t really |
was, and three or four of his fingers
fell down an alderman's crayat.-De-
troit Press.
"Alas!'' said the nurse who at
tended the witty divine1 Sidney
Smith, in his last illness, 81 have
made mistake and given you bot
tie of ink.' 'Then," said the dying
wit, 'fetch me all the blotting paper
there is in the house ~
Next to rooster in a rain storm,
or man with his mother-in law on
his arm, the most wretched- looking
thing in the world isa candidate who
has overheard some friend wanting to
bet three to one that he won't be
elected.
Ayoung lady and gentleman, aged
respectively II and 13 years, were
married at Gouldtown, Mich. last
week. When last seen, they were
quarreling over a pound of mixed
candies, and throwing out vague init
nations about divorce.
A young man has been arrested in
New York for sleeping in a standing
position. He would stand On the
street for four hours at stretch, with
his eyes closed, and not move a mus
Gle. 1t is hereditary. His father
was policeman Wash. Chron.
If the times are hard stop your pa
per, but do not shorten your allow
ance for whiskey or tobacco. A
good paper in family is a great com
fort to the wife and children, but that
is no reason why you should provide
them with a weekly luxury at the ex-
pense of a daily necessity.