Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1874-07-30
SOLOMON SWALLOW.
''Rule . viz, and have Q Wiz. |"

''Rule viz, and have wise."
Soloaon Was . bachelor, and Q rust
one too; bot nevessheless be bad made uI
! his mind 10 one thing. that be vss d
only man living who had acquired an,
knowledge Of the art Of taking care Of
wife.
"All married men are dolts, " was Sol
ON on's constant assevcrstion. There, 70
instance. is my neighbor. Tom Tangible
bis wife makes sort Of three-lerged stoo
Of him; she moves him in one corner. and
then in another. and sits on him, ant
walks on him a. if he was nobody in th,
house, while be. poor man. fakes il ss cas-,
as though it was the most natural thinl
in the world. Now that we're only Ton
Tangible. I'D 6rst write series Of matri.
monial articles, and If Mrs. r. didn't
abide by them. I'd submit her to The
wholesome discipline of bread and waite,
aud padlock; and might. perhaps. bright.
en- her ideas touching her conjugal dutie,
by the application Of . good couhide =
And there sgain. are Evert Easy, Diek
Snooks, AID host more Of them in the
same condition. bat I'm the boy thai
will set item all right. if they only foI!os
my example after have condcscended e
eDdOw some fortunate female With the ie-
gal claim to the title Of Mrs Swallow"
Brave Solomon Swallow O.
"Well. Solomon" said . neiehbor "a
boosting Of your skill in mansging q
wife. how comes it that you're not mar.
ried :"
why. because have not perfected my
system! You pckcd your head into the
uoose without making any preparation.
aud hence. Mrs. Eserly makes xhat she
likes Of you. Blu. 90 to work logically
I begin BY studying the erudite works Of
Zinegrubazo. On the philosophy ofwo.
mems holding her tongue then read
several trcatiscs on the effect of bread
and water discipline in making good
wives. Shakspcare's Tanning the Shrew
furnishes me few excellent practical lcs.
sons. And | am now gencralizing all the
system into one. which will carry the
sway in all future generations. and con-
vert the plague of ma,rimony irto a blcs-
sing. In the course of year or so.' ad.
ded Solomon. My Rules for the Regula.
,ion Of women. U intend to publish III
will be completed and then l, shall take
me wife, ..f
And Solomon Was - good - his word
for At the sgc Of thirty i've. feeling him.
self prepared to give battle to any woman
in or out Of the land Of Amasons. he gol
married. At this important period Solo
mon was . puffy. comfortable lookiog lie.
tie fellow 40 you'd meet in days walk
for albeit the crown Of his hand never stood
full Eve feet from the heels Of his boots
he was Of proportion that would have don.
honor to an alderman or even . Lori
Mayor; aud his gait, especially vhe.
walking With anything in the likeness O
. woman. was ~ pompous % . Sultan's
while at such timos his couu,euanco al
ways assumed an expression that eoult
not have brooked the spproach Of femal,
familiarity. The lady whom Solomon Lat
chosen for his 'vorser half.' was appar
emily . lamb like creature. so that tn,
chances were very fair that she would no,
only be tractsbls wife, but that Solomon
would require NO help from bis system I,
make her 20.
Nov Solomon had the forbearauce moi
to interfere with his lady. or her saying,
and doings on the night Of the wedding
nor is it recorded that he assumed spccia
authority on the next night either; bu
about six O'Clock the next morning. h,
softly insiuuatcd to his sleeping partne
that it was time to &c, up.
And he added. when breakfast i.
ready. you may call me. bot be sore no
to burn the toast
Breakfast aud toast. said Mrs. Swal
low. why what do you meanT
Why. my dear-I mean. madam. tha
| have begun my system
And won't yuu get up. too 7
Yes. when breakfast is ready and m,
stockings aired
Mrs. Swallow was about to reply. bu
she checked herself. as she vas ASHAMED
TO say much to him on so short an ac
quain.ance but though in tho presen
instance she did precisely rs she was bid
she resolved in her heart that it was III,
last time she would get up at six in th,
morning to prepare breakfast. se
At eight o'clock everything being rca
dy. Mrs. Swallow called Mr.. Swallow.
Breakfast is ready. Mr.. Swallow
is the toast made 2
Yes
Not burned T
NO
Are my stockings aired T
'Ycs.'
You'll do quosh. Swallow. and
to breakfast he vent having received the
services Of the blushiug Mrs. Swallow 4
assist him in dressing.
The breakfast. however. did not turr
out to be the thing it bad been cracket
ur Tor. The tcast Was done . little to,
much. and the tea wasn't done quit,
enough; the slop bowl vas at the wren,
end Of the table tray. and there we're sev
eral crumbs on the carpet.
The servant hasn't been here this nora
ing. observed Mn. Swallow.
! Servant r ressrued Solomon, Il die
charged her yesterday. You don't thinl
tfs.a s6sea - kssp sssssaaa asa . -uis
w. TE. :.