Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1874-09-03
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
| A Milwaukee woman, far gone with
consumption, begged the doctor to
give her something that would keen
her up until the verdict of the Beecher
Committee was published.
A Californis newspaper chronics the
fact that defaulting county treasurer
from that state has turned up' i'm one
of the FIJI Islands, where he has plan
tatiOn and flock of native wives.
A boys reverence for the name of
mother is apt to be in the inverse ratio
OF the number of those domestic COM
mOdities with which an indulgent faith
er from time to time has provided him.
A young lady in Milwaukee tainted
away when her lover called and found
her bare-footed, but q Chicago girl
would have kicked his hat off as She
cried good mOrning.1Detroit Free
Press.
A Prince of Italy, whose domain was
of small extent, ordered person out of
it in twenty-four hours. 'The Prince
has been very liberal, for / can quit it
in half an hour answered the banish-
ed man.
1t is true that there is nothing like
advertising, but public officer, with
nothing but his salary of $1,000 a wear
to live ON, should he careful not to give
his wife more than S. 900 worth of dia-
mOnds at time.
A Cape May youth used the deeds of
his fathers farm for gun wads. The
stamp on the bottom of the document
wasn't anything like the impression
the old man made on the same part of
the lads anatomy.
Tape-worm Johnny is the euphe-
mistic name of an individual in st.
Louis, whose voracious appetite has
frightened the hotel keepers to such an
extent that they refuse him admission
to their dining rooms.
A new game called granger seven
up is announced. Three persons play
for can of oysters. The first man out
gets the oysters, the last man out gets
the oyster can, and the middle mani
don't get anything.
On Saturday, a confidence man aD-
proacned man in Park Row, address,
ing him as Mr.. Wardell. NV name Is
not Wardell, said the stranger. Is il
possible am mistaken ? Are Won not
Mr.. Wardell of New Haven p Il am
not answered the stranger; Il ana
Tom Collins
There is one recent decision of the
Treasury Department in which a thank
ful public, or the adult portion of 1t at
least, will readily acquiesce. 1t is that
whistles, tin horns, etc., are
not musical instrumental
A man was about to be hanged in
Alabama, sang as he stood with the
moose about his neck: oh! the bright
angels are waiting for me- Where
upon the local editor fiendishly wrote,
And the angels stirred up the fire and
looked brighter than ever.'
We hate to say it, for il is frightfuI
thing to say of young man, but it
must be said neverthelessHW ].
GaynOr, who made an effort the other
lay to carry the Beecher-Tilton affair
into the courts, parts his hair in the
Louisville Courier-JournaI.
Two young men out riding were
passing farmhouse where q farmer
was trying to harness an obstinate
mule. Won't he drawn said one of
the men. 'Of course said the farmer,
he'll draw the attention of every fool
that passes this way The young men
1rOve on.
1t having been reported that wild
lss had escaped from Barnum's show,
he Louisville Journal man says all the
evidence he wants of the fact is the
way the papers on his table are daily
with. AT which the Boston
Advertiser says that ramble through
he editorials of the Journals is all the
evidence that the readers Of that paper
Will require.
The Danbury man says: 'One Eng
ish dinner in the inexperienced Amer
can stomach will produce that night,
2 cross-eyed lions; bears with calico
ails; IL giants, with Illuminated heads;
awful dog, with II legs, and IA bow
egged ruffians chased by host of pi-
aticaJ caulifiOwers, mounted on saddles
t beet, roasted. Any respectable
henist will corroborate this stale
nent.'
That was shrewd advice of q learned
awyer to pupil, When the facts are
q your favor, but the law opposed to
ou, come out strong on the facts, and
ihen the law is in your favor and the
scts opposed to you, come out strong
q the law But, inquired the stu
ent, but when the law and the facts
re both against me, what shall do?'
Why, then,' said the lawyer, talk
round it,
This is how it happened down in
outhwest Missouri:
He found a rope and picked it up,
And with it walked away.
1t happened that TO t'other end
A horse was hitched, they say.
They found a tree and tied the rope
Unto a swinging limb.
1t happened that the other end
Was somehow hitched to him.
A Columbia clergymen, who. while
reachinga a sermon on Sunday evening
man and woman under the
lllery In the act Of kissing each other
,hind hymn book, did not lose his
mpei. No! he remained calm. He
,amed mildly at the offenders e-sr
s spectacles, and when the young
an kissed her the fifteenth time, he
erely broke his sermon short offin the
iddle of thirdly and offered q fer
mt PRAYER in behalf of the young
an in the pink necktie and the mai
n In the blue bonnet and gray shawl,
ho were profaning the sanctuary by
ssiug one another In pew 49, And
Q congregation said Amen Then
Q woman pulled her veil down and