Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1874-09-19
For the Chronicle.
SOL SHORTER WANTS AN OFFICE.

10 come DeIOTe the people IOf SOule
Office, 1--WE don't care what he will re-
ceive the votes of many men from
Pinkville, Skufftown, Golddust, Gal
lows Hollow, and around town gen.
orally"
Gentlemen of Pinkrille, iSkuftoson
DC: After thanking you for your
kind solicitation, 1 must be candid
with you and say, that's just what l
want-an Office. l am not particular
what one | get, so it is an Office. l
want an office-I need an Office. l
must have an ofice-and / can't live
if [ don't get an Office. So you see an
Office | am bound to have
| have been thinking for long time
I ought to have an Office, and now |
am going for one, with my head up and
tail in the bushes, with my eyes rolled
back like Niger swimming, and my
shirt collar open ike poor man at a
cash sale.
Well, gentlemen, what Office must |
go for? There is Mayor TO be elect
ed. Well, 1 think l will take that.
What says you boys? l will go for it
anyhow. But / don't like to beat
these fellows that don't want an Office.
There is Sam Ramey, he says he
wants to be Mayor, but 1 don't believe
it; but if he did, what does he know
about being Mayor; be knows how
to talk horse-talk, and such iike-he
can tell you all about whether a horse
has the mumps or wheses or lifts or
any disease subject to horseology; he
knows vehicle from buggy, horse
collar from hame string, or wheel
barrer from velociped, but shen you
come to talk about a Mayor, your
Uncle Sol knows all about it.
There is Tom. Hyman who says the
people want him for Mayor, but what
does he know about being Mayor.
If you will put him in a crowd Of
white folks, black folks, horses, mules,
cattle and such like, and tell him you
want big price for little or nothing,
he can make as much noise as a dozen
preachers at campmeeting he can
tell you whether horse is horse or
not, or mule is mule or not; he can
tell you whether a black COW or
white COW would give the best milk,
but when you come to talk about a
Mayor your Uaele Sol knows what it
takes to be a Mayor.
There is John Massie, who thinks
the people says he must be hayOr-but
how does be stand on the question? ?
He can tell you q calico rag from a
jeans coat, or a kip boot from brogan
shoe, or plug hat from a seal SKID
cap, and he can show t" LADIES' the
prettiest muslins and incest Ia "es' ana
such like, but your Uncle Sol can 'sii
you how it is for a Mayor to get
around.
And there is Judge Keesee C'my
Big Brudder,'') that some says ought
to be Mayor. He knows sasshera
from writ of rouster, a bank check
from plain note of hand he knows
quart of goosberries from kit of
mackerell, but if you want to know
what it takes to be a Mayor, your
Uncle Sol will tell you all about it.
Now, gentlemen, if you will elect me
Mayor, l will give you the platform
upon which | expect to stand: First
and fourmost place, | want the corpor-
alton limits extended considerably; /
want 1t to commence about midway of
the river opposite tie .iackstaff of
Gracey's warf boat, run just behind
the Silver Tooth (Searsey boat until
it gets to the seven mile ferry; there l
want Nat Wall and Sexton to take it a
due north course to the Red River,
come down the channill of said river
to the mouth of West Fork Creek, up
said creek to Burns Petersons Saw
Mill; then Burns must take it and
carry it due South to the Cumberland
River, where the Mat Gracey-or Hide
Out-will take it and bring it up the
river to within twenty nine yards, two
feet and ten inches of the stern of
Gracey's Wharf Boat. (That space is
a, be left out of the corporation for
Ire boys to go swimming in.) How
de you like that for a corporation? ?
/ want this corporation to be devided
iata sections ordistricts, and be gov
.erned by my subordinats, which | will
here mention. The first division,
which shall be known as the Gallows
Hollow lewiston, will be placed under
the command of Major General T, W.