Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1874-08-06
HuInOr.

WHO is the greatest terrifer? Fire.
WHY do honest ducks dip their heads
under water? To liquidate their little
bills, of course.
CHE fell dead and expired in two
minutes" says Georgia paper of the
death of negro
WHY are your eyes like friends sep
arated by distant climes? They CORE
spond but never meet.
ITisar rule of etiquette in Arkansas that
no true gentleman will eat with his leg
thrown over the back of his neighbours
chair, if he can help it.
THE Spaniards say At eighteen,
marry your daughter to her superior (;
at twenty, to her equal; but at thirty
to anybody that will have her.
The latest verdict recorded was upon
gentleman who expired in fit of me-
briation. The jury returned: '' Death
by hanging round grog shop"
"HAvE you Blasted Hopes ?" asked
a Young lady of librarian with ahand-
kerchief tied over his jaw. "No,
a'am," said he &C it's only a blasted
toothache.
"IF a man bequeathed you hundred
pounds, would you pray for him ?" said
Sunday school teacher to a pupil.
NO." said he. 81 would pray for an
other like him"
The man who will keep a paper a
length of time, and then send it back
refused" and uncalled for" would
swallow blind dogs dinner, and then
beat the dog for being blind.
SAID Mrs. Jenkins on her return from
the church "When 1 see the shawls
of those Johnsons, and then think of
what have to wear, if it wasn't for the
consolation of religion 1 don't know
what would do"
SOME singers at concert were some
what startled the other evening by find
ing that the selection, "When wearied
watchers sink to Sleep" had been print
ed on their programmes, When mar
ried wretches," etc.
GIN afoat I'm afloat p screamed a
young lady of powerful lungs and fin
gers to match, as she exercised both at
the piano. 81 should think you were, !"
growled an old bachelor, Judging
from the squan you raise"
"DoEs the train start this evening at
thirty-fve minutes past six, as usual ?"
asked an elderly lady of railroad en-
ploye. "No, it leaves at twenty-five
minutes to seven," was the reply.
"Dear me, dear me, how theydo change
these trains.
A YOUNG man, who knows all about
it. states that his experience has taught
him that fiirt is fool, who delights
in fooling fools, and the fool who is
fooled by such fool is the foolishest
kind of a fool. He's been fooled badly,
we should Judge.
"THAr's just the sort of umbrella
that people appropriate, or, In other
words, hook" said Smiggles to COM
panion one morning, showing him a
very handsome parachute. Yes, said
his companion, I" 1 thought so when L
saw you have it.
A LITTLE orphan boy, who was nearly
starved by the stingy uncle, his guard
ian, with whom he lived, meeting lank
greyhound one day in the street, was
asked by his guardian what made the
dog so thin. After reflection, the little
fellow replied, CT suppose he lives
with his uncle"
A MAN who was born blind can have
no idea of colors. A man who was born
deaf can have no idea of sounds. A
man who never had the use of his olfac-
tory nerves can have no idea of the
odor of rose. These ideas enter, re-
spectively, by the sensations of seeing,
hearing and smelling.
THE following lines were found upon
lawyers table, in the courthouse, the
other day:
"Fair woman made to bewitch
companion, nurse,
A blessing, a curse,
Fair woman was made to be which,"