The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1874-08-04
THAT MOUSE.

uas, washing his feet in the milk pan,
and greasng his tail with fifty cent butter,
till got 50 | didn't half enjoy life and
couldn't talk without making myself OBJ
jectionNble to the opponents Of profanity.
My wife frequently suggested that I buy
II trap and catch the critter. Just like
a woman to want man to spend money
for mousetraps. | was determined to go
to no such expense but have long con.
templated giving that mouse battle on
the first opportunity An hour ago the
trouble began, and at this writing the
laurels of victory hang on my brow,
as thick as scrub bushes on the soil
of New Jersey. | found the mouse in
the kitchen, and armed myself with a
clothes stick and the poker. / advanced
boldly to the attack. The mouse retreat.
ed in good order, and | followed up with
the determination to strike decisive blow
and exterminatc him. Unfortunately for
me I'd been foolish enough to wash my
face the night previous with patent soap,
which is warranted to promote the growth
Of hair and the first knew. stepped Cd
my noustache and tripped myself This
geve the mouse great advantage.
swore.
Forming myself again into platoous, or
something, | took up my line Of march.
and continued till came up with the
retreating foe, when a glorious opportuni.
iy seemed to present itself to deal an
effective and final blow. | struck
struck with both clothes stick ard stove
pokcr--struck vehcmently, and hit just
where the mouse had been II he'd been
there when | struck shouldn't wonder
il he'd got damaged. mast have struck
too boisterously on the occasion, for the
impetus Of my implements of war was so
great that was whirled around and
aronni till my weapons fetched up against
that spot where the mouse had been. |
fetched up at the Famc time with tire.
mendous jerk-one of those back actions
jerked NE into pan Of Go Igh where | sat
second or two in violent contemplation.
This gave the mouse great advantage.
| swore.
When had picked myself out of that
bread pan, the most of the dough had
risen quicker than was anticipated
also higher | couldn't see any reasona.
BILE way of baking that dough just then ,un.
less should sit on the stove. But to the
mouse. He had drawn himself up in
line Of battle over in the oposito corner,
and seemed to be eager for the fray. |
Immediately led my forces to the attack
aud in less time than it takes to write
had precipitatcd myself, the clothes stick,
and the stove poker, on the spot occupied
by the defiant enemy. He wasn't there
when we arrived--hed gone somewhere
short time before. la the excitement
OF the moment, | forgot to stop at the
place ! started for but the refrigerator
door being open, penetrated into that
institution till I'd buried my head IN
twenty pound lump Of butter. deemed
it discreet to retreat Retreated in n
buttcrca condition inspected myself and
my provisions Was well supplied with
bread and butter but they were Two far
apart for convenience Marching into the
refrigerator was u great mistake it gave
'u' lHuusc great d'N1ulaHc
swore
Reconoterel for the enemy discover.
cd him entrenched behind the stove, and
make a charge that would have made the
Light Brigade" think it always had
done u cash business aud had never
"charged' a cent, The result was indis.
cri5ably brilliant | knocked the stove
over and broke it all to pieces and pitch.
cd Inyselt head foremost into the coal
hod. When Id peeled the coal hod off
my head my nose was bent so that a
stranger, who didn't know anything about
the circumstances, would have got the
impression that ! vas trying to smell of
the back Of my head shall always
think that filling that coal bod with my.
self was an error it gave the mouse
great advantage
! swore
now detailed myself for picket duty
nnd was soon after being put out, driven
in by the sight Of the enemy, who had
fortified himself behind soup dish in
the china closet Ratiops for two min.
ute campaign were Immediately issued
ard mnrcLins orders given Coming up
TO the enemy notifications they were
successfully ,'ormei, as my wife has
hrcn f'ady - testify ever since she began
60 hnut around for n whole dish. The
uo"-r Wasn't hurt, but might have been.
.Nnre.
Next. the foe cucamped on the window
SCAT, and evidently sought battle.
opened Oh him with heavy ordinance.
/ threw my boot he wash tub fifteen
pound ham. and poodle dog at him, but
he only lost our-- one tail. Everything
| threw went Hroagt the window and
made il look very haggard
swore.
The servant giii heard Tho clash of
arms aud saw the smoke Of peispirntion,
and she ian to neighbors and tcu,ed a
cat, which she hastily brought 10 the
scene Of carnage. The conflict was ra.
gng when she showed the cat into the
room Both parties seemed confident at
that moment the mouse seemed confident
that he would get away and l seemed
c-utident that no couldn't. The cat Ian
mediately "deployed,' or did something,
aud then sat down as if undecided as to
which party she'd better help. 1 con.
ceived the cats movements to be dilatory
and proceeded to scratch her back with
the stove poker. scratched too hard
and dislocaiod her spinal column
must get new backbone for that cat be
fore | send her home. Things did look
diseouragins about this time. The mouse
had great advantage,
swore.
Just as was marshaliDg myself for
another attack ., determining that il
should be a final uue, tho mouse creeped
OFT into the middle of the floor and died Of
. exhaustion, The thing was accomplished
without going to the erpenSe Of buying d
! mousetrap. | smashed the head of the
coru,e with the stove nolA and than