, 1874-12-27
HUM0R.

Robert Daley Ovens favoritc song-''D Do they
tell me thou art dead, Katie darllng?"
Charles Lamb said Of one OF his critics: "The
more 1 think Of him. tho less think of him.
An Indianapolis policeman has been fiued s21
for profanity. Ifo will bo careful how he talks
in his sleep hereafter.
4 Tennessee funeral WAS delarad for half an
hour to allow horse trade. Business before
pleasure was the motto.
When We see man begging his Tobacco, We feel
like reminding him of the old adaGe, that Is Beg
gers must not be cheT-sers."
rather than SEQ it neglected, thrifty Eastern
farmer is raising potatoes Oh tho grave Of Tom
Paine.-LouisuiAs Courier-Journal.
Qniz, having drawn map OF the world, was
asked why no marked the Polar regionB - l.. s. !"
and he said, Because it is the place of tho SEAL
The man vino has not anything to boast Of but
his illustrious ancestors is like potato plant
the only good belonging to linn is under ground.
A young lady asked bookseller's clerk if he
had "Festus." NO" he answered ''but I'm
afraid boi! is coming on the back Of my neck"
The Ithaca Journal is not tho best authority on
sporting matters. It states that the original
"home stretch" is the stretch ACROSS the mater-
nal knee.
The last foreign watch received in France. con-
signed to the Lafayette family. seems to be re-
celved with mora favor than the watch Oh tue
Rhine MAS.
sam not little palo >" inquired lady who
was short and corpulent, OF crusty old baclle
lor. '.You look more like big tub was the
blunt reply.
A Californian contemporary puts in good word
for the much-abused Mougolian, remae1inG that
no Chinamau has ever yet become book-can-
yasaer or llfe-usurauce agent.
''What station do you call this" said man,
as he crawled out Of tho debris Of q railroad
smash-up. Devastation replied the urbaue
conductor. He had been there before.
LeaTenworth man told lie, and then said:
II hope to DO struck dead it I have not told the
truth" He had scarcely ceased speaking when
he fell to the doos-a man haTing knocked him
down.
head on you" said little gamin to compan-
ion. "lou try it." was the quick reply. - and
your mothers monkey will be charub in ten
seconds"
A university student broke through the leo on
Lake Monana. the other day, where the water
was only feet deep, When he was hauled out
and laid upon the ice, he family whispered:
Boys I didn't care for myself, but I'm en-
gagged"
pointing out carpet, asked the proprietor what
it was- :'Brusees," says the proprietor
+. Brussels" quoth the lady, passing her hand
oyer it. .'Seems to ne the brustles don't stick
up much"
When Westchester woman detects her hus-
band walking crooked" +" down the road, she
doesn't get mad about it, but thoughtfu!ly OBJ
serves to her companion ''Jane, I shouldn't
wonder il it was an earthquake that makes John
walk that way"
A rustic youngster, being asked ont to tea with
friend. was a1moEished to praise tho eatables.
Presently the butter was passed to him. when he
remarked: s. Very nice butter-what thc1o is Of
it, and, observing smtle he added, land
plenty OF it-6uch rs it is"
"Why, Jimmy" said one professional beggar
to another, ;. are you going to knock OF already.
It's only 2 o'clocs" . No, you mutton-head
responded the other, who was unbuckiing his
crutch, I'm only going to put it on the other
knee You don't suppose fellow can beg ali
day on the same leg, do you ?"
Tho London club men are quite shy of those
who are pronounced to be ''not clubable men,"
Elizabeth, n j., over whose head policeman
Bplintered his '.locust," but wEo on being asked
at the etation-houso if the officer had struck
him, replied: mo, sab; not dat Is avail off:
Even in the saloons opinions upon gasve sub
jects are expressed forcibly. A gentleman slight
furnished proof of this fact, night or two ago.
'*Whisky, zur," said he 'hic-br1ghtens the IN
tellect. It oush by thunder, to be introduced
inso the public schools, zur."-l. Louis Kepub-
licdn.
AS u gentleman was nearly run over in mar
row London street by d1ay. he shouted to the
driver, do you want to kill me- ?" whereupon
the intelligent driver put tha thumb of his dex~
ter hand to his nose. and, spreading out his fin
gers like a fan. replied, Is If lad knowed you
was a-coning this way, I would have sent you
postcard"
A man was seen coming out OF Texas news
paper Office with one eye gouged out hls nose
spread all over his faco like uiece Of raw beef
and one OF his cars ohawed off. 10 a policeman
who interviewed him he replied: - didn't like
an article that 'peared in the paperlas week, an
I went in ter sec the man who writ it. He war
there, stranger"
A etranger who Was eating piece Of pie in a
restaurant, Saturday. struck his teeth against
something hard, and presently held up = 2-cout
piece and exclaimed: ''Here, you-here's cents
which found in this pie! +" swell, I'm sorry
it isn't Ii" replied the waiter, "but the fact is.
times are so hard we can't do any bettor just
ow."-Detroit Free Press.
A candidate at recent examination in Paris
lately gave an answer to tho first question adj
dressed to him which deserves to rank With that
of the youth who, being requested BY the OK
aminers in divinity At Oxford to enumorate the
major and minor prophets, declined to make in
yidious distinctions. ''Como, SIR" said the
French examiner in an cncoura gins tone to the
uupron!sing- looking subject" who came for
ward in his turn, oblige me- by telling me all
you know Of Louis XVI" SSH" replied the
young man, with modest set dignided air,
q I never make any individual the subject OF
idle gossip"
''Onnv letter for O'Hoolahan: {" stWhich OF
them ?" "Onny of thin." ave can't give out
letters that way-whats your first name Z"
"None of your business fwnt my name isl want
-. Ill A1. e.