Omaha daily bee., 1874-07-13
MATRIMONIALITIES

Twenty brides We're at a Niagara
hotel in one day last week.
1t takes four men to heave an
average Chicago slipper after a
bride.
A sensitive girl in Toledo has
broken off the match because he
said she had a foot like a raisin box.
A saucy young Treasury widow
says she is in the honeymoon of her
widOwhOOd. What a brute her
liege lord must have been!
A Vermont man a. years old, has
married lady of IA. She calls him
father, and loves to sit upon his knee
and make "soap locks" over his
temples.
Miss Hattie Saunders was picking
geese for her wedding pillows in
White Pigeon, Mich, the other
day, when she was struck by light
ming and instantly killed.
A rich bachelor in Providence de-
clares he must marry a girl who
ends her name with de" and all
the Fannies and Josies and Min
mics are thinking what they will do
about Ii.
An Ohio husband sold his oxen to
get money for his wife to elope with,
but he doesn't want any sympathy.
He says he'd have thrown i'm a
horse or two if she had demand
ed it.
A London correspondent writes (:
"By the way, it is rather odd, but 1
have not seen in any English paper
a word of comment on the marriage
of Mr.. Sartoris with a daughter of
the President of the United States.r
Authorities differ as to whether
the best time to pick out a wife is
during house-cleaning, or on wash
day. Ordinarily, however, a man
can pretty much tell what he's
coming to, by the way she makes
the suds fly.
A Newark (New Jersey couple
recently performed a delicate duty
before being married. They to-
gether visited a cemetery and first
decorated the grave of the gentle
mans former wife, and then that
of the lady's former husband.
The advent of the grasshopper
causes our entire social fabric to
tremble. "Aiaria," writes a young
Minnesota farmer to his girl down
in Maine, "I'm afraid we can't get
married this year; the grasshoppers
threaten to clean out my crop.h
Miss oallie A. Bowles, daughter
of Samuel Bowles, of the Spring.
field Republican, has married MI.
Thomas Hooker, of New Haven.
and will soon sail for Europe on a
%protracted "bridal tour" Of two or
three years duration.
A wedding took place at Gould
town, Michigan, last week, i'm which
the high contracting parties were
aged respet lively twelve and tbir-
teen years. The father and mother
of this youthful couple were married
about a week previous.
A Chicago clergyman relates the
following annecdote: al once mar
ried a handsome young couple, and
AS ] took the bride by the hand, at
the close of the ceremony, and gave
her my warmest congratulations,
she tossed her pretty head, and,
pointing to the bridegroom, replied:
Il think he is the one to be eongrat-
ulated."
An Indiana lady has Just secured
q divorce from her husband, on the
ground that she found a hair pin
in that gentleman's pocket. 1t
seems that he had previously at
tempted to get a divorce from her
on the ground that she was the
cause of a piece of fiat-iron stick
ing to the lining of his cerebellum.
al woulI marry you, Jacob" said
q lady to an importunate lover,
"were it not for three reasons"
"Oh, tell me-" he said. imploringly,
"what they are, that I may remove
them J" 'The first is" said she, al
don't love you; the seconds, Idon't
want to love; and the third is, /
couldn't love you if 1 wanted TOP
No one, save hotel keepers, can
have any conception of the profit
made out of bridal parties at Maya
ra- Sarah is too full of love to eat,
and "Ftederick' partakes sparing-
~, while embarrassment predomi-
mates: Every meal is merely 'look-
ed at by the simpletons, while
board at the rate Of $3.50 per day
goes right along.