Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1874-07-23
Heller AID .
MARK TWAIN's ENTERPRISE.

the heading of Advertisement:
This is to inform the public that in
connection with Mr.. Barnum | have
leased the comet tor a term of years
and / desire also to solicit the public
patronage in favor of beneficial en-
terprise which we have in view.
We propose to fit up comfortable,
and even luxurious, accommodations
in the comet tor as many persons as
will honor US with their patronage,
and make an extended excursion
among the heavenly bodies. We
shall prepare 100000 state rooms
in the tail of the comet with hot and
cold water, gas, looking glass, para
chute, umbrella, &C., in each), and
shall construct more if we meet with
sufficiently generous encouragement.
We shall have billiard rooms, card
rooms, music rooms, bowling alleys,
and many spacious theaters and Tree
libraries and on the main deck we
propose TO have driving park, with
upwards of 10000 miles Of roadway
in it. We shall publish daily news
papers also.
DEPARTURE OF THE COMET.
The comet will leave New York at
ten A. NJ. on the 18th inst, and there
tore it will be desirable that the pas
seugers be on board by eight at latest,
to avoid confusion in getting under
way. 1t is not known whether pass
ports will be necessary or not, but 1T
is deemed best that passengers pro
vide them, and so guard against all
contingencies. No dogs will be
allowed on board. This rule has been
made in Difference to the existing
state of feeling regarding these
animals, and will be strictly adhered
to. The safely of the passengers will
in all ways be jealousy looked to. A
substantial iron railing will be put all
around the comet, and no one will be
allowed to go to the edge and look
over unless accompanied by either
my partner or myself.
THE POSTAL SERVICE
will be OF the completest character.
OF course the telegraph, and the tele-
graph only, will be employed, conse-
quently, friends occupying state
rooms 10000, 900 and even 10000, 900
miles apart, will be able to send a
message and receive reply inside Of
eleven days Night messages will
be half rate The whole of this vast
postal system will TO under the per-
sonal superintendent of Mr.. Hale, of
Maine Meals served at all hours.
Meals served in state rooms charged
extra.
Hostility is not apprehended from
any great planet, but we have
thought it best to err en- the safe side,
and therefore have provided proper
number of mOrtars, siege guns and
boarding pixies. History shows that
small, isolated communities, such as
the people of remote islands, are
promo TO be hostile to strangers, and
50 tho same may be the case with
TIE INHABITANTS OF STARS
of the tenth or twentieth magnitude
We shall in no case wantonly of
fend the people of any star, but shall
treat all alike with urbanity and
kindness, never conducting ourselves
toward an asteroid after fashion
which we could not venture to as
sumo toward Jupiter or Saturn. re-
peat that we shall not wantonly Of
fond any star but at the same time
wo shall promptly resent any injury
that may be done us, or any insolence.
offered US, by parties or governments
residing in any star in the armament.
Although averse to the shedding Of
blood, we shall still hold this course
rigjdly and fearIessly, not only to-
ward single stars, but toward con-
steiiations. We shall hope to leave
good impression of America behiad
Us in every nation we visit, from
Venus to Uranus. And, at all events,
il We cannot inspire love we shall, at
least, compel respect for our country
wherever wo go. We shall! take with
Us, free of charge,
A GREAT FORCE OF MISSIONARIES
aud shed the true light upon all the
celestial orbes which, physically
aglow, are yet morally in darkness.
Sunday schools will be established
wherever practicable. Compulsory
education will also be introduced.
The comet will visit Mars first and
then proceed to Mercury, Jupiter,
and Saturn. Parties connected with
the government of the District of
Columbia and with the fgrmer city
government of New York, who may
desire to inspect the rings. Every
star OF prominent magnitude will be
visited, and time allowed for exour-
sions to points of interest inland.
THE DOG STAR
has been stricken from the pro-
gramme Much time will be spent
in the Great Bear, and, indeed, in
every constellation of Importance.
So, also, with the Sun and Moon and
the Milky Way, otherwise the Gulf
Stream Of the skies. Clothing suita
bic for wear in the sun should be-
provided Our programme has been
80 arranged that we shall seldom 90
more than 100,0OO,OOO of miles at
time without stopping at some star.
This will necessarily make the stop
pages frequent and preserve the in
terest OF the tourist. Baggage checked
through to any point on the route.
Parties desiring to make only part
of tho proposed tour, and thus save
expense, may stop over at any star
they choose and wait tor the return
voyage.
After visiting all The most celebrat-
ed stars and consultations in our sys-
tenn and personally inspecting the re-
hottest sparks that even the most
powerful telescope can now detect in
the armament, we shall proceed with