The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-03-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

Next to q diary, the most difficult thing
to keep is q lead pencil.
The San Fianeiscans call Chinese faro
" celestial tiger" Both should be sent
back to their native cline forthwith
An Indiana man has been making both
ends meee ss1eo-the panIo, by living on
head cheese and OK tail soup.
The difference between Byron and Burns
in early youth was, that one was Harrow
boy, the other a plough boy.
"Closed in consequence of debt in the
family, is the announcement on the door
of fugitive merchant.
printer remarked that ne has never
been able to give proof Of the pudding
till it was locked up in his form.
A Vermont debating club are having
lively time over the question (Which
eat the most chickens, ministers or owls f'
young man, who parts his haIr in the
middle, sent TO New York recently for
method Of writing without pen or ink He
received the following "Write with a
pencil. The advertisement was read In =
religions newspaper.
:" am weary Of life, bury me deep on
the hillside, wrote young man /; but the
doctors shook him up and pumped him out,
and that same night he went TO the circus
and laughed till he cried at the Jolly clown
and antics of the trick mules.
A noted horse Jockey was awakened one
night by terrific thunder storm. Being
somewhat timid, he awoke his wife with
Wife, wife, do you think the day Of judg-
ment has come |" "Shut up, you fool,
how can the day Of Judgment come in the
night 7"
The late Lord Jeffrey was fervent adj
mirer Of Charles Dickens. One day a lady
surprised hem sitting in his library, his
eyes suffused with tears, and was about to
withdraw, when he led her TO a seat, and
said, Don't 90, | shall be right again
soon" Have you received bad news :"
asked the lady, g is any one dead r. JEFF
frey had just been reading the last mum
Der, then Just out, Of the "Old Curiosity
Shop"
A Richmond paper says hundreds of
well-to-do English families are preparing
to emigrate 70 Virginia this spring Land
has already been purchased in Amelia
county to the extent Of $50. 900. and the
settlers are well pleased to own their farms
instead of renting land at home for $50 an
acre. They will soon feel at home IN the
Old Dominion with its delightful climate,
rich soil, and ready market
A BOY was put into a boiler III Dubuque,
Iowa, to hold hammer against the rivets
that were being driven from the outside.
When the boiler was done the hole was
found too small to let the boy out He
took of his clothes and creased himself,
but still he couldn't get through Three
hours cutting with cold chisels by six men
finally released him-nearly spelling good
boiler.
Two neighbors had protracted suit at
law concerning a spring which they both
claimed The Judge became weary with
the case, and said. " What is the use in
making such fuss about little water III
" Your honor will see the use Of il. re-
piled one Of the lawyers, when inform
you that the parties in the suit are both
milkmen.'
A crossing sweeper was trying TO get a
gratulty from an excessively -dandihed in
dividual, who, Ia resisting, urged that he
had no change, nothing but 500 bill. "I
can get It changed fer yer, said the young
ster. On seeing the dandy hesitate AZ II
from fear Of trusting him, ne put II again.
= II yer doubts my honor, hold on W ny
broom"
A little boy in Nelson street family
caught his foot in some wOrsted with
which his sister was working the sentence.
" God is Love, in perforated cardboard.
and got a crack on the ear that will lay
him mp for fortnight-if il does not in
jure him for life. e.-DaRbury Netcs.