Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-02-19

will be very numerous this winter, with a
view to replenishing ones household
| goods"
COULD anything be neater than the old
darkey's reply to beautiful young lady
whom he offered to lift over the gutter,
! and who insisted that she was too heavy?
"Lor, missus," said he, ''I's used to lift
ing barrels of sugar"
SECRETARY DELANo notifies territorial
and other officers who leave their posts
without permission, that such conduct
Will be considered equivalent to their
resignation, and successors will be ap-
pointed to their places.
The fact that on railroads the western
raj! "creeps" faster than the eastern one,
Wh1le the latter wears out fastest, is attribu-
TED TO the motion Of the earth, throwing
the tram towards the east, and pressing
upon the eastern rail more heavily.
THERE is no immediate prospect that
the family of Smiths will become extinct.
The other day a Cairo hotel register
showed the arrival Of John Smith, wife,
and 20 children. They are on their way
to Texas to grow up with the country.
The Washington Capital, over whose
destinies Dom Piatt presides, disguised
at its lack Of paying lads" says that the
leading merchants of that town do as
much in the way of advertising as a re-
spectacle peanut stand in a Northern vii
lage.
IHEEE is no animal worse treated than
the rat, and no animal oftener has his lit
tie revenges. For instance, a rodent
gnawed recently hole in Dubuque ele-
vator, and before the mischief was dicov-
cred 900 bushels Of wheat streamed into
the dock.
A DOCTOR at Preble, CORTLAND County,
n. Y, according to the Hamilton Repub-
JScGn, has a mania for pulling sound teeth,
and a number of instances are given
where he has robbed children of their
pretty teeth during the absence Of their
mammas.
| UMBRELLAS for the fashionable young
women of the period are Of navy-blue
| serge silk, with ivory handles cut in the
form of a cross. They are not ornament
ed in any way with silver or gold, and
for that reason are very genteeI and nice
looking"
a SOUTHERN editor, thirsting for sub
scribers, has adopted singular eXpedient.
Instead Of offering as premiums chrOmOs
and that sort of rubbish, he promises to
name his new baby after the patron who
pays his subscription for the longest time
in advance.
Mr.. JOHN HOLLAND, of Henry, KY,
comes to the front with a mare thirty
three years and nine months old, which
is said to gallop around the pasture, not
perhaps as nimbly, but certainly as gaily,
as she was accustomed to do a quarter of
a century ago.
A RESIDENT of a Western town recently
attended an evening entertainment, and
laughed so immOderately at what he saw
and heard that his neighbors who could
see no fun in it Indignantly caused his
arrest. A wise Justice the next morning
fined him $14
AT recent golden wedding in Manga
tuck, Conn, the old compile showed the
young folks how "courtin' " was done,
fifty years ago, and those of the young
folks who know how it is done at the
present day couldn't see that the method
had changed much.
ONE Mrs Law, of Vermont, called her
husband liar eight years ago, and he has
not spoken to her since, though he has
done right. The practice of married
women calling their husbands liars ought
to be discouraged.
THE Pittsburgh Internationals are get
ting warlike At a recent session they
resolved to go in a body to the municipal
authorities and demand work. One of
them remarked: IF they don't help us,
there are plenty of lamp-pOsts around
here; we'll hang them!'
THE other day, in Ohio, young lady
died of what thick-headed old doctor
said was ''heart klot, or embyolism Of the
| A,,o of+ GJ,o IN
hour, however, and it was found she had
been temporarily choked by piece OF
gum she had been chewing.
A SPECIAL fund was collected in the
United States, few years ago, for the
| erection of Bible house in Constantine
pie. This building is now finished and
in use. 1t is a light yellowish stone, is
eighty feet long by seventy-one deep,
f1re-proof, and cost about $4,000.
THE pet failing nowadays, fornewspa-
per writers, is 'Plan for improving the
currency" The Detroit Free Press re-
cejved in one week 337 articles bearing
that caption. Why this hesitation, this
holding back, this lack of suggestions?
A CEDAR FALLS Qowa) COW walked on
a well Tor hole which was started for a
well, and afterward covered with rails
and straw, and fell to the bottom, a dis
lance of eighteen feet She was found on
her back, and subsequently taken out
with rope and tackle, and found to be all
right.
OF the people who die in our cities a
trifie more than half are children under
| five years of age. The diseases that cause
this infant mortality are many, but their
causes are few Roughly stated they are
bad ventilation, defective drainage, and
adulterated milk.
AN indignant but eminently respectable
Iowa gentleman recently threw stone at
his dog, who would persist in following
him into a Burlington street car. The
stone hit the dog in the side, glanced Oft
and struck an old lady, who was getting
out of an omnibus, in the spine, fractur-
ing it, and injuring her otherwise so
seriously that her decease was momentari-
ly expected.
A PHYSICIAN runs many perils that are
not suspected by those who may envy
him his practice At Rochester, n. Y,
the other day, doctor attended snake
charmer who had a bad cough. The
medicine man examined his chest care
fully, put his ears to his lungs, etc, and
| just as he was ending his examination
discovered pet rattlesnake curled away
in the fellows bosom. The examination
closed.
| THE Worcester, Mass, Courts were en-
livened recently by a $4,000 breach OF
promise case. The false-hearted man &C
knowledges that he had had the promise