Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-02-19
Numpruus department.
GRANGE SECRETS REVEALED.
HOW INVITATIONS ARE CONDUCTED

ed. My informant, who was securely masked
by what afterwards learned was large bur-
dock leaf perforated with holes for the eyes,
told me that if I valued my life it would be
necessary for me to strip. AS did consider
that of considerable worth to me, and as he ital-
icized his wishes by carelessly playing with
seven'shooter, withdrew from my, garments
with eagerness. My masked friend then fur
nished me with the regalia of the first degree,
called "The Festive Ploughboy," which con-
sisted merely ofone large cabbage leaf attach
ed to waist.band of potato vines. In this
airy costume I was conducted to the door,
where my companion gave three distinct raps.
q was securely blind-folded by binding slice
of ruta-baga over each eye) A sepulchral
voice from within asked "Who comes?"
My guide answered "A youthful agricul-
turist who desires to become a granger"
Sepulchral Voice-Have you looked him
carefully over?
Guide-I have, noble gate-keeper
S.V-Do you find any agricultural marks
about his person?
Guide-I do.
S. V.-What are they?
Gude-The candidate has carrotty hair,
reddish whiskers and turn-up nose.
Wis we'll. Why do you desire to
become a granger?
Guide answering for candidate)-T That l
may be thereby the better enabled to harrow
up the feelings of the rascally politicians.
S. V.-You will bring in the candidate
My worthy STRIPPING, as you cannot see, will
cause you to feel that you are received at the
door on the three points of pitchfork, pierre
ing the region of the stomach, which Is to
teach you the three great virtues-faitb, hope
and charity. Faith in yourself, hope for
cheaper farm machinery, and charity for the
lightning-rod pedder. You will now be har-
messed, and in representation of the horse Pc
gasus, will be tested as to endurance and
wind.
The candidate is here attached to small
imitation plow by means of a hempen har.
ness. A dried pumpkin-vine is put in his
mouth for bit and bride he is made to get
down upon all-fours, the guide seizes the bri-
die, and urged on by granger armed with
Canada thistle, the candidate is galloped three
times around the room. While making the
circuit, the members arise and sing:
Who wouldn't be granger
If the thistle's prick don't cause you JOY,
To feeling you must be estranged, eh!
After this violent exercise, he is rubbed dry
with corn-cobs, bees-waxed where thistled,
and brought standing up before the great
chief-the Most Worshipful Pumpkin-head.
NJ. w. P. H.-Why do you desire to be
granger?
Candidate, (answering for himself)-That
1 may learn to extinguish sewing-machne
agents.
NJ. w. P. H.-Have your hands been har-
dened with toll
Candidate-Not extensively, but then am
not running for Office.
NV p Hits we'll, for our lodges con-
tain several who are supposed to be ready to
sacrifice themselves for the good of their con-
stituents.
N.Y. P. H. (savagely)-Give me chaw
of tobacco!
Candidate, searching himself thoroughly,
but as there is no place about him to stick
pocket, tries to explain, but the Most Wor'
shipful Pumpkin-head interrupts him with
"Never mind, my dear young friend. am
we'll aware that in your present condition you
can no more furnish your friends with the
weed than Adam could be comfortable in
plug-hat and tight boots. 1t is merely to
teach you the great lesson of economy-dong
Others as you'd like to have them do to you.
You will now be conducted to the Most Emil
nent Squash.producer, who will teach you the
grand hailingsign of distress The sign, my
worthy brother, will insure you against most
of the ills of the agriculturist- others,
droughts and being bit by the ferocious grass
hopper"
The candidate is now conducted to the
Most Eminent Squash Producer, who thus
says: "My worthy brother, l will DOW invest
you with the order of the Festive Ploughboy,
which you have we'll won by your heroic
achievement while harnessed; may you ever
wear it with pleasure to yourself, and may it
be a means of terror to your enemies"
(The NJ. E. S. P. then proceeds to invest
the candidate with the regalia of the Festive
Ploughboy, which consists of long tomato
necklace.)
1.-The grand hailing-sign of distress is made
by gently closing the left eye, laying the right
fcre-6nger alongside the nose, and violently
wagging the ears. 1t requires practice, but
the advantages are intense. 1t also has an
important signifcation, which you will do
we'll to heed. The closing of the eye signifies
that in all your dealings with mankind, you
are bound to have an eye to business. Lay
ing the finger alongside the nose is emblemat-
ical of wisdom, and places you at once among
the knowing ones This is extremely handy
in prognosticating new weather, and saves
the wear and tear of almanacs. Wagging
the ears signifies sublimity of purpose, and is
thought to be emblematical of childhood's
happy hours. 1t is also supposed by some
profound scholars to have distinct reference
to appledumplings, but this fact is somewhat
obscure by the dust of ages. In token that
you are one of us, you will now be branded.
When one granger desires to ascertain for
sure if there is another of the order in the
room, he raises himself gently by the slack of
his unmentionables, scratches his off thigh
with his near hoof, and remarks, in voice of
thunder: Are there any grangers about ?
The answer is Jeese-wax.
was here interrupted, Mr. Editor, by
volley fired into the open window, evidently
intended for me. Fortunately, l escaped
without scratch, and, which is Of more con-
sequence, succeeded in fetching off my pre-
cious manuscript This is about all there is
in the ceremony of any Importance. I must
leave the country at once-armed men are at
my heels. They know that am writing to
expose them. You may hear from me again,
if should deemed it best to expose the other
degrees. Until then, adieu. From your ga
cred friend, B. POLE.
NoT1cE.-This ceremony of initiation is
used during the absence of the lady members.
i