The Hawaiian gazette., 1874-04-08
Variety.
FRANKLIN W. FIsu.

An lrlshmani on applying Tor rellei, and being
told to work for living, replied /" If had all
the work in the world / couldn't do it,"
Parson BrownlOw's only distress now is IN
itching back, and he is often seen rakiug it
against sharp corner while the solemn Senators
are debating questions OF state.
Building castles in Spain, Mr.. S. !" said the
landlady to Spicer, who was thOughtrully regard
ing bis breakfast cup. "No, maam," said Spi-
Ger, only looking over my grounds in Java"
Conscientious party" Now, then, drop your,
goggles, will your '0w the blank am TO it yer
with them glasses on ?" Near-sighted party
How the deuce am l to hit you, if take 'em
of?
Consolation-H Housemad-" I'm sorry to hear
you've lost your uncle, Mary" Mary" Yes, it
was quite sudden. But, amt it a real comfort,
as got that black dress instead of the green one
you wanted me to buy?"
A tradesman advertises "anti-breach of promise
ink" aud says that writing with this ink disap-
pears before one month, thus avoiding the system
of ridicule to which old and young promise
breakers are now exposed.
Our experience, and the history of the past
eighteen centuries, inclines US to the belief that
no matter how well you treat shotgun, nor how
you bring it up, it will bang the stuffng out of
you the first time it gets chance.
"Very able men" says the London Spectator,
"nre divided in opinion as to the merits and de-
merits Of the system of anonymity but it GER
tainly has this advantage, that every opinion
stands so to speak, on its own feet"
One Of the " Oldest inhabitants" Of Syracuse is
authority for the statement that there were but
three days of sleighing in the Winter Of 1S40-4I,
but that on the 2sth Of February heavy snow
fell and the sleghing was good until April 18th.
A young beau at his sisters evening party, be-
gan to sing, Why Am I SO Weak and Weary ?
when little boy brought the performance to
sudden close by yelling out Aunt Mary says
it's cause you come home so late and drunk every
night"
A writer in Frdser's Magazine argues that
when you are bent on doing anything wrong.
you should begin by convincing yourself that it is
wrong because then, though you are guilty of
the trausgressiOu, you retain your principles IN
impaired"
An editor who had been keeping a record Of
big beets, announces at last that the beet that
beat the beet that beat the other beet is nov
beaten by beet that beats all the beets, whether
the original beet, the beet that beat the beet, or
the beet that beat the beet that beat the beet"
There are seventy bald-headed men in Con-
gress. No unprejudiced mind can look down
from the galleries upon that Lake Superior of |
absent hair without feeling of regret that the
absence is a thing with which the peculiar skill
of the aborignes had nothing to do.-LouiSvile
Cohrier-,JourNaL
A lady at the national capital learns from the
best authority" that &. Washington, father of his
country, wore false teeth, and the compression of
the lips, represented in bis portrait, is the result
of an effort to keep them in place. Pshaw The
story is only an advertising dodge Of the dental
negro was buried alive in vel at Butler
recently. His friends dug down to him in about
four hours, and found him alive and well. He
said he never wanted to sneeze so bad in his life,
but was afraid he would jar dOwa some more
dirt A good healthy negro has as frm hold
upon life as cart-lOad of tOm-cats.--SavdnHGh
Nelrs.
Windsor, Vt, is certainly healthy town. 1t
now contains more than three persons ninety
years Of age, viz: Deacon Benjamin Aldrich,
years, nine months; Mrs. Benjamin
Glynu, ninety-three years; William Kirk, ninety
one years. There are forty-one persons living in
the town aged eighty years and over.
a have offered to take wood" says the editor
of the Gayoso, No., DemocrG, in touching ap-
peal, "but not one stick has been hauled to the
Office by subscriber. If the paper is not issued
next week, the friends of it will know that editor,
publisher and devil, are getting up wood to run
4ha "a &C. tlo toianca ~ eha pVsntar1