The Grange advance., 1874-03-04
Josh Billings on "Dispepshe."

born without emmy >tummuck.
hav prayed upward "v one thvu>au,l i
tunes ~ be on the inside like an oStrir h
OF (, col porter
Eav seen travelling c"Iporter> who
could Eat as much a> 4 goose
have seen goose eat till they could
not stand up emmy more. and then set
down and eat sum, and then lay down
and eat sum- and then roll over and eat
sum more
| hav tried living on filtered water.
and going barefoot tor the dispepshe
and that did not hit the spot
hay >vked at water cure establish.
mcnt> until | waz 50 Timber that
couldn @it myself back ayin inside ~
mi Baldwin apparel.
| bought Il saddle -h0Ss once. who was
got up prxprr<> y to kure the ,li>pep<hy-
lie wuz warranted to kur. the disease L..
90 days "r kill the horse
lie was warranted to trot harder tliuD
Il trlp-hammcr, Pull wuS>rr ~ the ;,i1>.
stumble safer down hill than emmy other
hoS> on the i'utt>t"ol
rode that huSS until waZ AL yvr
Il Jelly. and then sold him. bride .n.;
all. for >ixty-ciyht dollars, and cot sued
by the purchaser and had to nuv him
80 dollars and sum cents lanayt. hv-
the h"S> had the Nim<hy>. Il ii>>vazr
| knu nothing about.
k"ntracted for eleven kvrl< ov iii
CRY w'"i. kro<> trained and as y: ul. ~
wrinkles As I'm old COW $ horn. and sawed
away three months on it. and the ,.;,,.
Srrlnc1 to II" bigger every day.
finally gave away the saw. and villa,
w".t there waz lett. to save mi lite. and
81; lcw'. discouraged. Il square victim
I" tue everlasting di>pepshr
hav lived at the seaside. and uul,-
boiled III he saline flood. until wnz AZ
we'll picked az number one salt mack
rral
hay dw:lt at Saratoga. and taken
the water like il mill. and still had IN.
di>prp>hr.
hav walked :, miles before break
fat, and then EFT Il slice nv dri toast.
and hat} the ye]k "v 4 pullct'< vy. and
trt ali the time ~ weak aza kitten that
had Just cum out uv Il fit
hav laid down more than , thou.
sand times. and rolled over once a min
hit all mite long. and yot up in tn,
morning like Il kor}Sc. and thuc didn t
nothing" seem to all me emmy WHARF in
lartik lar
hav red whole library on the STUN
muk and liver. and. when yot thru
! knu crate deal less what waz the
matter Nv me than when begun.
hav drank whiSkec with roots in it
enutt t" carry off emmy bridge ur saw
mill ia the country
n%> worked On I. farm tor Iii yItljc<
amt board. and dictcd ON tridc pork #.
II bred until wuz az thin az the SER
H'"n "v 4 day Baptist preacher
hav dun all these things. and IL
Thousand ether things jest az rilikulu~ :
and hay got the old li<prp<hv Yet.
jest az natral and az thick az the ,'in.-
pies Oh u -f-ycar old goose.
II YOU "ct a good hold ov the di>nrr,-
Sh" once you kant never loozr it en-,
tlrcIy: it will cum around once in a
while, like & ghost, and if it don't scare
you 50 mulch as it did once, and make
you think you are yoin" to die to-mor-
row. it will make you feel just az sorry.
Yours. JOSH B1LL1SGs.
TIE -N"''o""/ Cry Rrportr pub
llsheS estimates in relation to the per-
centage Of the hay and Irish potato
crops of 1873 in producers hands
February lst, in the States of Illinois,
Iowa. Kansas. Minnesota, Ohio and
Wisconsin. The following is an ab-
stract OF the main features presented
he States named produced last wear
over nine millions tons Of hay, of which
they had on hand February lst little
over 90 per cent. or about four and a
halt million tons. Illinois returns the
ll@htcst percentage. trife less than IS.
and Wisconsin the heaviest. nearly 81
per cent. Of Irish potatoes the States
above named produced in 1873 some
~ million bushels. The amount on
nan" now approaches 10 millions BUSH
els. or about IL per cent. The rela-
tive proportion on hand in the several
States varies considerably, running as
low as IS per cent. in Minnesota. and
rsachlng So! per cent. in Kansas
lhe average prices Of wheat and pota
toes in some Of the States. relatively
considered. are somewhat anomalous