The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-11

should carry, would be something ike Thistle
boys have fixed it all up: -. ..;,
Thirsty CustOmcr-Mr. Barkeepcr, what WI
five gallons and gill OF your best WHISKY GUS
Mr.. B--S3O.2j.
TC-Chcap enough. I'll take IT,
Demijohn Is handed down; ]. {. takes mp
smacks lis lips and informs Mr. i. that OH tle
whole he will not keep the balance, and suggest
that Mr. B. shall buy il back. Mr.. b., always
ready for bargain, offers 5000 cents Tor ~
which offer L. c. accepts, paying the 10 Genus
difference You see he sells short on bourbon
seller 10" jolly, isn't it! ten gallon trahs'
action, aud only ID cents changed hahus'-"""'
lnnd, Cal. ,Tr'b'"e' ..
The Cumberland county CIllD Dmoort is not
entirely satisfied with the result Of the lndepen-
dent convention at Springfield, and expresses IT'S
views as follows:
The farmer from the corn field
Did not bulge an inch,
Though brother granger, Norls,
Had gotten in pinch.
Dave Green and COnnOrS,
With hay seed in their hair
(rwo farmer politicians,
\ hunkidori pair
With tufts of grass for nosegays,
And corn hoes in their hands,
Met at Springfield WIN
The dccimatcd bands.
And there the brave one hundred
Manipulated quick
\ platform and ticket
Which in November the real farmers will make
mighty sick
As an instance of the vest ingratitude on rec
ord we refer to q Ncwburgh billygoat, which, af-
ter having his head cXtricated from picket
fence through which he had thrust il to reach
some tempting mouthful Of grass, turned and
butted his benciactor into the gutter.-ET
1T was ever thus"--wth that animal. We
gave the one Of the p,c,r,e excellent advice few
weeks ago and see how he treated us in his pa
per last week.
1t is necessary to premise that it was not 70
the common council of the city of Ottawa, but
to that OF Lansing, Mich, that the following pc
tition was sent, though it would fit here just as
well:
Who vas il broke mine gate away
IND in mine garden eat all day,
Ind on mine tiowcr-bcds roll und play
Der Cows.
Who vas it goes mine house around
IND nit his schnout tore up de ground,
IND never yet has seen dat Bound:
Der Hogs
Who den allows des dings TO be,
To drOublc honest mems like me,
Und lcafc mine yard mitout tree
machine for "pumping" witnesses is among
he hydraulic patents this week. The inventor
first cousin to the man who made leather
pixies.
Vermont man whose name is Bugs has been
onfned to his bed nine gears. His last doctor
to his wife 10 try Costar's remedy
5 excellent for bed Bugs e
One of our fashionable youths dOnneG Ais first
Tx hat and cigar on Saturday evening. He got
long well enough with the cigar, but he had to
i've ND the haiti made him sick at his stom-
I'll. I
Mrs. Wynkoop, strong minded woman, has
oened a real estate office in Chicago, and not
lie of the city papers dares TO call it hen coop
They announce hotel arrivals in this sort Of {
ay in the st. Louis newspapers: "The Hon. j '
. Bryant of Chicago, at Barnum's-to get a !
Iuarc meal"
Perplexingly intcrmixed with Forepaugh's big
psters, the bill boards out west fare with this
artling announcement, in staring capitals
"Readl Wonder! Admire!
First appearance in this city /
Of the beautiful and accomplished n
Williams v
Jamaica il
Gingcrw 7,