Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-11-27
II u II O e

HE CANE FROM FIRGINNY.-A Young
gentleman, of this city, in whom we hav,
the most perfect confidence, ives us the
following conversation, which he over
heard, between two colored citizens, thu
other evening us he was returning from
prayer-meeting
''Sam, does you know Jonah ?''
"Jonah, what Jonah ?''
''Why Jonah dat swallowed the whale.
don It you know him 20
'Why damn his big moufed soul, was hi
from Flrginny?"
''Of course he was from Firginny.
''Well, de Firginians always was hell fol
fish. '-MaysyAte Ky J Bulletin.
When Bower first arrived in New York,
seedy af' er long journey, the bar-keep,
at the Metropolitan asked him to pay TO
ms glass of brandy before he swallowed it
"What 2" cried Frank, astouished at tn.
unusual demand.
YES" said the bar-keeper, Its tn,
Boss orders-all stran gers must pay for il
before they drink it,
"G-goodness! !" said Bower, sis it so Ill
instantaneous in its fatal effects ?'7
A Mississippi boattnau with immens.
feet stopping at a public house Oh the levee.
asked the porter for Il hootjack to pull IF,
mas boots. Tie colored gentleman, afte
examining the strangers feet, broke out IA
follows mo jack here big huff for dtn
fleets. Jaclass couldn't pill 'em off. Enassa
Widout fractrlng de leg. Yuse better &.
back about free miles to de forks in de roa,
an pull 'en off dar."
A Helena (Montanal divine who ha
spent the best part of the summer Chris.
lanlzlng Chinaman, thought he was get
ting along nicely, until John made Il pro,
osltlon to him, the other day, to put in
with him and start faro bank.
They lave people in Chicago who ale
pleasantly referred to as ''eighteen-car
frauds They are men who profts.
Christianity and charge ten per cent. con-
mission for pass around the hat in chur, h.
A nan who will go the cemetery with
his wife on Sunday and see her weep VII
her first husbands grave and walk homt
without q cross word shall have our yot.
every time he comes up for Office.
A Jersey City lawyer was making high.
flown speech the other day. telling about
angels tears, weeping willows and tom
stones, when his Honor said ''Confim
your remarks to the dog fight
Nantucket has had but two dlys' rail
and one shower since the last of June, bu
the people were converted to Iager-bs
several years aro, AMI don't care much
much if it never rains.
The Chicago ''Tmes'' describes an CT
fice-holler as collector of the port of Az
rarat. when Noah arrived there with ii G
ark, and has unnterruptedly held Office
ever snce.'
FCan you change two-dolIar bill ?" 3 id
an lmpecnnious drinker to the bar-tend,
yes
"Well, when I get two-dollar bill, III
lring it in.''
Nobody requires larger stock of Chri-
tian amiability and forbearance than til
young man can keep matches in his room
where the other boarder can get at 'em.
A darby preacherlining out hymn fron
memory said:
Plunged in a gulf OF dark despair
We Wretched sinnefa-CoME OUT OF OAR!
Ifyon want to know whether your grand
mother was cross-eyed OF where your great
uncle stood in his arithmetic class, iusl
run for office, and you'll know it all.
The st. Louisian never di suddenly
Ie walks around half dozen years, telling
people about his liver and chewing q:,in-
uine, before crossing the river.
Short dresses are coming into fas' liz
again, and young ladies are experiencing
the old, difficulty of getting d No. loot
into No. shoe.
Some Of the students at Eastern colleges
can board themselves for thirty-fve cents
per week, but they don't ieel like tearing
around much
The procurement of a clean paper coll
tor the groom delayed a heightened NJ
wark wedding an hour and q half the
other day.
Daniel Webster has accepted position
on the New York police, and it is therefore
inferred that his dictionary has not proved
a success.
"A splendid ear, but very poor voice."
rs The orga l-grinder s lid to the donkey.
Never wait for anything to turn up, but
20 and turn it up yourself.
The best way to rise in a lady's est;rns.
tion is not by stares.
Easy shaving. Taking the beard off an
oyster.
An Oregon blacksmith is ''l.orss-iew.
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