The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-05-09
WORTHINGTON, MOBILES CO.. MINN, SATURDAY. MAY g.
CURRENT ITEMS.

CURRENT ITEMS.
ST.. LOUIS paper inquiries why the per-
trait painters of that city don't 20 to sail
ing flat boats and make reputation.
NEW WORKERS are still bowling for
rapid transit, and they wouldn't be salts
fed if shot from the mouth OF q cannon.
RHODE ISLAND and Massachusetts are
negotiating in real estate. The former has
factory to build, but is crowded for
room.
SUITS of black silk and grenadine com
bined will be one of the summer fashions
this on the authority of Monsieur
Worth.
A CH1NAMAN can swallow a dose of
Cayenne pepper without looking red in
the face, and he chews red pepper without
q wink.
THE objection to amber ear rings is that
they cast reflections upon the face and
cause the tair wearer to appear to have
the jaundice.
The Postof1ce Department has decided
that female officials are more honest than
males. Now let Susan B. jump up and
swing her bonnet.
AN Iowa woman got mad and left her
husband because he wasned his feet in the
dishpan, and the neighbors don't sympa.
thize with her bit.
A CONTEMPORARY wants all its exchanges
to warn women to jump into creek when
they discover that their clothing is on fire.
Jump. ladies, jumpl
AN old bachelor editor has discovered
that girls are plenty in Baltimore, but
stif1ed sigh when he learned that mar
riage license costs $3.50.
A MARRIED woman in Brooklyn is suing
a married man for a breach Of promise
committed eleven years ago, and her hus-
band is her main witness.
ANEW YORK Custom- House man writes
that he has heard ladies of refinement,
wealth, position and education, lie Gus.
toms officer out of countenance.
RICH gold mines are reported to have
been discovered in the mountains on the
north fork of the Ouachita River, ne%r
the Choctaw line, in the Indian Territory.
A WEST NRwBuRY (Mass.) man has won
a wager of SIS by eating twelve boxes
of sardines, quart of raw pea beans
and pound of bar soap within three
days..
The latest is described as "trimmed
inside with gold fringe and tassels, with
very snowy urns on the top, draped with
gold and plumes." This is Hartford
hearse.
BUFF colored linen travelling suits
trimmed with darker shade Of the same
material will be much worn during the
season and are cut and made in the polo
naise style.
THE Hill Brothers, farmers of Windsor
Locks Station, Conn.,, are the proud own
ers Of COW which turns the scales at
5000 pounds. She is six years old, and
was raised by her present owners.
A LOUISVILLE boy wanted to leave q
cold world in which his mother would
only give him two pieces of pie for din
ner, and so he swallowed several percus-
sion caps, but they didn't kill him.
Two Detroit girls have been arrested
for getting on a locomotive, opening the
throttle-valve and starting the machine.
They then jumped off, but the engine ran
through a freight train doing 500 dam
age.
AN East Lyme (Conn.) man, who had
got sick of harb0ring trakps, took one of
them before trial justice, the other day,
but what was his astonishment when the
vagrant produced bank book with 81 800
to his credit IN it.
A NUMBER of nervous invalid ladies in
Columbus, Ohio, recently published a
card complaining of the excessive tolling
| of church bells on Sundays and during
the week. This had the effect of stopping
the tolling Of bells altogether, except to
call meeting" twice on the Sabbath.
THEY have sharp lawyers down East.
One of them marketing for dinner, asks
poultry dealer, Is that turkey young
one?" "Yes, sir" "Will you take your
oath on it" Certainly, TWILL" Law.
yer administers the oath, charges 81 for
the service, and takes his pay in poultry.
A HARTFORD man put valuable clus-
ter diamond pin in little box and hid
it in the stuflng OF lounge for safe
keeping, some time ago; a few days since
he carried the lounge to q furniture man
to have it repaired, but didn't think OF
the precious gems; they have disap'
peared, but the furniture man says he
doesn't know anything about them.
THERE are q dozen Irish women in
Boston who are boss'' workwumen and
scrubbers, who hire hundreds If persons
to clean the places Of regular customers
and who have become rich at the bust
ness. One Of these boss" scrubbers has
succeeded in buying a $4,000 house or
Kneeland street, and rides in her gay
carriage in imitation of Beacon stree
ladies.
KENTUCKY comes to the front with on<
of the greatest marvels of the presen
age. In a town of considerable size iI
that State there resides a lady who maker
it her boast that she has had but one new
bonnet in forty years, has made but tw:
calls on neighbors in eighteen years, ant
has taken but one meal away from hom'
in all that time. And yet she is well off
in good health and all her limbs perfectly
sound.
THE conduct of State Constables Max
we'll and Skinner in making a seizure o
liquor at Wildes' Hotel, at Chicope
Falls, Mass, recently, while the propTie
tors daughter was dying in the house
} and another shortly after when the prep
arations for the burial were being made
excited wide and deep feeling in tn
community, and q petition, signed b,
more than 400 residents of Chicopee Fall
! and Chicopee, was sent to Boston askin!
for their removal.
A WOMAN named Mary A. Whittier
about sixty-f1ve years old, was found dea!
in her house on Bracket street, Portland
Me-, the other day. She was some
what eccentric and lived alone, receivin
no visitors. Her non-appearance, there