Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-02-05
PHUNNYGRAMS.

What may one always have his pockets
filled with, even when they are empty?
Holes.
The gentleman who kissed strange
lady for his wife in the fog the other day
was mistaken
Time cuts down all, both great and
small" How about the provisions and
grocery bills?
When Maryland doctor spells it
"accufortus" is it any wonder that patients
die on his hands?
Out in Montana when they start a
man down hill in barrel, they speak of
his appearance in new role.
You'll never find his equal" said
Rev. Mr. Spriggins to a young widow
mo, fear not; but shall try"
--Schoolmaster; what is nothing y"
Boy: at is when a man asks you to hold
his horse, and just says Thank your
What is the difference between plan
of a battlefield and roasted pppng =
One is war map and the other is warm
apple.
Buffalo has ghost whose occupation
is an incessant pulling off of his boots
but ii won't do to take much stockin (gl
1 at specter.
Mrs Andrews, of Vermont, said she
didn't care darn whether dinner suited
her husband or not" and justice fined
her seven dollars"
"A Madison butcher recently found
large shawlpin in COW he was cutting
up into steaks. 1t is supposed the animal
had swallowed milkmaid
-"Mynheer, do you know for what we
call our boy Hansyn "Do not, really"
well, | tell you. Der reason dat we cali
our boy Hans, dat ish his name"
AT a late conference session clergy
man gave reason why the Baptist Church
is like beavers hut: There is only one
entrance to IT. and that Is under water"
Mr. Thomas, aged ninety.one, who
died In Vermont the other day, said that
he'd worried more over buttonless shirts
than all his business affairs put together.
"A New Haven editor spent last Sun
day in Slawson, and attended church
When the contribution box came around
he was in doze, but on being nudged,
hastily exclaimed, Il have pass"-DaR.
bury Netos
-"Fellow-travelers," said colored
preacher, "ef had been eatn' dried APP
pies for week, an then took to drinkn'
tor mont, | couldn't feel more swelled
up than | am dis mint wild pride an
vanity at SEEM such full tendance har dis
evenin'."
"A Philadelphia negro went to sleep
with his head on the railroad track and
hand-car came along and ran over him.
lie got up swearing that he couldn't get
any rest anywhere without some white
man would come along TO bother him
One of the wheels of the Car was broken
--One who has the reputation of being
a great philosopher, an experienced man
OF the world, a profound thinker, and an
acute observer, with a deep insight into
human nature, has left on record the ex
preston of his firm conviction that no
man, however gifted, however fortunate
in his domestic relations, however sue
cesslul in his public undertakings, can be
pronounced happy-whose trousers bag
at the knees. Punch.
"A Stamford man was aroused in the
night by his wife, who scented burglars,
He pokcd around carefully with pistol,
but found no evidence of midnight ma
rauders. Laying his pistol in the coal
hod, he returned to his bedroom, but,
thinking that the fire needed replenlsh-
ing he went back and threw the contents
of the coal hod upon it. The fusilade was
very lively, and the wife thought great
battle was going ON. Fortunately the alb
sent-minded man lodged the balls.--Daa-
bury Neos.
The Danbury Macs says "Tbe Fitch
burg Mass Sentinel, an excellent paper,
is going to start daily. We are glad of
it. We started daily once. We ran it
nearly four months, and then paused
Since then we take lively interest in such
enterprises. We have no doubt the Senti-
mel people will make the daily work, and
we are quite positive it will make them
work. A man who goes through life
without having started daily paper miss.
es a rare and valuable experience. Fall.
ing down stairs with a cook stove will
hardly compensate him"
AT st. Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin,
there was an old vicar choral who loved
his dinner "not wisely, but too we'll"
He Lad bought a fine quarter Of mutton,
and intended to have it for his Sundays
repast, after the fatigue of chanting his
morning service, but forgot to tell his
wife in what manner he wished ii to be
cooked The good lady, however, was
equal to the emergency. In the middle
of the TIE Denim a small boy was observed
to creep up the aisle till he came near the
choir, where his father was singing, and
in piping treble mingled with the chorus
thus; "My mothers got quarter OF NUT
ton, and she don't know what to do.oo.oo
wi it, The father responded, Let her
boil the leg, roast the loin, and make a
dumping of the su-u.u.et." Onanes,
Amen"
kOndensed Milk.