The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-01-10
VARIETY.

b4iubieh iaaeel dSfn INTO the dust
VARIETY.
A Boston gentleman says whisky is good for
cold on the lungs, and it needn't be a Tery bad
cold. either.
Next to street preaching there is no employment
which yields so little return winkng at a pretty
girl through pair Of goggles.
\ little boy has been fairly driven from n
SlawsOn school by the disgraceful persecution of
the other scholars, who taunted him with the fact
that his father had been New York juryman.
From n very ancient tombstone in Scotland:
John Carnage lies here
Descended from Adam and Eve;
II any boast Of a pedigree higher,
He will willingly give them leave.
A large plaid child in Rochester has lost her
sack, according to advertisement. Why
paid child, Of the large pattern in particular
should require sack, the advertisement does not
say But it teaches us to beware of vanities.
WASTED AwAY.-Undera big walnut tree in the
far corner Of Mississippi graveyard is found thus
Here's what remains Of William Jones'
He wasted JES 9Esy 70 g nothing E,1i but bones,
When the trumpet sounds in thunder tones,
Not being in heshs he walk bones.
The pancake season has got around to Rich
mOnd, Indiana. \ hired girl employed in a fam
lily there, while baking cakes the other morning.
stepped backward to a chair in which reposed the
she subsequently refused to sit down on the stove
the breakfast was finished with bread.
Brigham Young's one hundred and seventeen
children have been learning to sing 'SEather dear
father, come home,'' one singing the solo, while
the other one hundred and sixteen join in the
chorus, until each one has successively given tug
ut their fathers domestic affections. The chorus
tears Brigham's tender vitals to flinders.
A very prudent man in Danbury provides him
self with Ga extra hat for the month of Neyem-
ber lie carries it in his cOat-tail pocket and
when the wind lifts the from his head he
straightway jams the other, then puts after the
other, and thus not only saves chatting from the
unregenerate, but actually gets credit as phi
lanthropist-the general impression being that he
is in pursuit of somebody else's hat.
The school girls are wearing secret bows. This
IS important. The bows made of worsted,
and are Of several eOlOrs. Each color denotes
secret and when you see several little girls
ing any one color you may know thereby that they
all hold one secret, and are in great deal of pain
IN consequence. Some of them wear two or three
colOrs in bow, and IL is safe to affirm that the
wearer is bowed down by that number of secrets.
Very effeminate-ooking girls rarely get above one
color, but the more masculine frequently reach
two and three, and even four colors. little girl
with four cOlors in her bow keeps herself very
secluded and looks rs solemn as if she had just
received q summons TO die, and was only waiting
for her winter hat TO do it.
the far West writes home follows The hotels
Of these sections built of logs, and gen.
eraIly fifteen feet in size. They have but one
room which answers for hall, drawing groom, dress
iur-FoOm and kitchen. 1t having been the first
time ever had the extreme felicity Of registering
nv name on the book of one of these metropoli-
tan accommodations, L was much surprised by the
arrangements / observed few men changing
their clOthes-or more properly performing their
toiIet-and / addressed the landlord with:
- Is this the only apartment this house has?''
Yes, ma am; isI't dat enough?''
81 But haven't you got any other for ladies?'
Mo-
..What horrible arrangement! But, how do
the ladies d0?'
ssThev draw q chalk mark around their bed,
and while dey take of dere clothes an tings, no
gen 'leman is lowed to look ober de white mark?'
Thomas Briggs. of Detroit, has boy baby,
about ten months old, who is admitted ut the be-
ginning Of this article to look just like his father,
and to be the smartcst baby boy of his age in De
troit The other morning the child was sitting
ON the hOOr. playing with five OF SIX coal buttons
ON a string. and taking occasional nIbble at an
annie to bring out his first crop Of teeth. Mrs.
Briggs and neIghbOr were talking away, as only
women can gossip, when the baby hid the buttons
under 4 mat and started 70 finish the apple. y
bit of skin got in his throat, and he gave cough
and a whOOp, and paved the air and rolled over
on his head
ssOh. them buttons He has swallowed them
buttons - cried the mother, rs she yanked him up
and shook him.
Pound him on the back!' yelled the other
woman, trying to hold his legs still.
s. Run for the neighbOrsl'' cried Mrs. Briggs.
aOh. he'll die he'll die" screamed the other,
as she ran out
md the neighbors came in, and made him lay
ON his stomach, and cough, and then turned him
on his back and rubbed his stomach, and logged
him about all sorts Of ways, until he got mad and
went to bowling. Then the boy ran Tor Briggs.
and Briggs ran for the doctor, and the doctor
came and choked the baby, and ordered sweet oil
and mustard plaster, and told them to hold him
on his back.
Everybody knew that those six buttons were
lodged in the baby's throat, because he was red
in the face, and because he stranged as he howled
and wept They poured down sweet oil, and put
mustard across him, and wept over him, and his
mother said she could never forgive herself.
Boys drove by, calling: 90 Slab wood for sale -
and the scissors man went by shouting: 81 Sharp!
sharpi'' but that distressed crowd held the baby
down, and shed their tears over his whole length.
The doctor was looking serious, and Briggs was
thinking that ne hadn't done anything to deserve
such blow when one Of the women pushed the
mat and discovered the buttons Then every
body laughed, and danced, and they kicked the
sweet oil bottle under the bed, threw the mustard
plaster at the doctor, and Mrs. Briggs hugged the
bowling angel to her bosom, and called him her