Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1874-03-14
Civilization a Failure

There is no cOnceallng the fact that
We humans are not only prone to " beal
the ills We have, but are inclined e
turn up our noses at the wells OF ON
ancestors. Il is the old story Of the Tor
that lost his tail, n OF the very few
fables that have a grain of sense in theil
bushels Of morality. lean remember
the clse of a Cornish miner who r.
eeiyei, in q friendly rough-and-tumhle in
apubl!c house, a kick from a highly
civilized boot somewhere in the region
Of The diaphragm, He doubled up ike
a clasp-kniie-yoU almost thought Won
heard the suap-and when aiterward
"urdoibled by a process something
resembling the opening Of an obstinate
oyster, be gaspei ont, Never mind
-I-rather like l.
Humanity is very like that miner, Il
has received q violent blow from civil
zltiol in the very center Of comfort,
bu: it gasps, or squeaks, or sLr!eES
that it thinks civilization IS bliss.
But, my dear sir, or madam, you
know IN vour heart Of hearts i. Is a mis-
aace To take only the very modern IL
stances, what has civilization done for
the inhabitants Of Polynesia? Il has
introduced smallpox, drunkenness, mis-
s]ionaries, and oth-r mortal illnesses.
And our ancestors. the ancient B-tons,
suffered in Just the same way from tie
civilization which was forced upon them
by orr invaders. Civilization, by the
bv, Is an awful liar Ithas taught rs 10
talk about the virgin soil q this isle,
and Br.tOns who never have been and
never will be slaves, and soil which the
loot OF no invader. etc. and all the
while. considering the advantages Of DO.
sition as an island. We have been more
.nyaiei-ard eouquered-ihan most
people. Bat I could forgive those who
couqVercdus, If they had only abs;ainei
IRON c!yilizing MS too!
Oh, happy days, when each family
grew its own wood in its back ward, and
ailors' and dress.makers' bills were
unknown Slightly cold considering
our climate - Yes, but YOU forget,
thai in those days civilization hal not
e1tirpatei the wolf, who was useful not
only because you could clothe yourself
in bis skin in winter, bUt because he
kept down the surplus population, by
eating any Of your young family who
were in excess Of the demand.
But the cruelest wrong that c~iyiliza-
ton has inflicted on mankind is tooth
ache, painless extraction, new sets, and
instant cures. Civilization is, to put it
shortly, neither more nor less than neu-
ralgia When wild in the woods the no
BILE savage ran, he never knew what
toothache was. Look at the splendid
grinders to be seen in the exhumed
skull OF any aborigine. who was happy
enough to die before civilization intro
iuced him to ho. drinks like tea and
Not a sign Of decay in those
griuning devil.mecaries bits of ivory.
And as for neuralgia, those happy PEG
pie never had uerves-they were blessed
with gang.lions, like that caterpillar.
which you NAV cut in half If you like,
whcreupon the first half will 60 cheer
about its business, and the second
half would follow il, only, having lost
its head, it does not know which way to
go.
No toothache and neuralgia are the
clements Of civilization. Who ever
heard Of Chingachgook using Bunter's
neryine Who could picture Pocahon-
tas with a poultice Of camomile and
poppy.heads History-which is an
other product of civilization, and I'll
take your opinion upon it when You
have accurately given the succession
with date of the kings of England
has no records Of dental torture till we
come to the very civilized reign of John.
" You don't think John a very civilized
monarch pardon me, he got money
from the Jews in spite of their teeth
and that's more than many civilized
young noblemen Of the present day can
succeed in doing. By the way, has any
body observed how his victims have car.
ried ont the Hebre v law of "a tooth for
a tooth ?"-if not, a glance of the list OF
advertising dentists will convince even
the most civilized Of the truth Of what
l say.
l almost think that an naturalization
society might be started-it would be
quite as sensible as a teetotal society, or
an order Of good templars. We would
call it a society for the abolition Of
toothache, and that would draw every
body-eTcept the dentists.
am prepared TO join, for I am at
this moment suffering from civilization
in my left cheek. 1t makes intermit.
tent rushes from its cell under my eve,
proceeds down a nerve in my cheek by
cork-screw gyrations until it arrives at a
hollow tooth, of whichit takes temporary
possession. 1t then proceeds, appa-
rently, to fling all the furniture about
the apartments, drives into the walls
enough tenpenny nails to hang all the
pictures in the royal academy, and then
r%etires, slamming the door
l don't like civilization .-Loadon
EIfu