The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1874-11-20


desecrated old Moroe's grave without par
tcle of re- Morse One telegram had brought
ten-acre field of Smiths t. grief
Just at dark, an ther telegram came, it
read Release him. The right one is in
irons at Liverpool
1--WE hope he'll be hung. He had no
right to murder anybody lnless he explained
that we were innocent.
''The policeman said he was sorry, and [
told him was too. / gave him Bible and
told him | hoped he would repent before it
was too late.
"Oh those other John Smiths. pay
their bills and take all tie consequences of
their acts. The man who wears No. 10
boots and treads on my corns, has no place
in my prayers, and if | write his obituary it
will be full of profanity, but save my best
oaths for John Smith. If ! could gather
them all up and pitch them into Lake Erie
could sleep six nights and make my will
and. remarking that | was the head of the
army or something of the kind, go hence
calmly.
"A Smith baby has no protection. They
and take it, and vermifuge also.
MY father named me John Smith at a
time when | was unable 10 protect myself.
He died Of remorse and forgave him. He
repented in his old age and was perhaps for
given by higher power. Peace to his
dust
"W hen about eight years Of age / asked
h. | oil I To-
answer was enough to give me the deiirilm
tremens-said she, You are named after a
celebrated farmer, orator, blacksmith, states
nan, lawyer, horSethirf, etc, ETC., who
lives in Asia. Africa, Halifax, Maine. Yer
mont, Chicago and other places, who died
Of the whoopiug cough al Lundy'a lane and
other places, and in divers ways al different
times
Then went up stairs and rubbed my
forehead and tried t. solve the mystery, and
fell oru OF the wind W and broke fourteen
RIBS and still ddu / know VIM vas named
after.
But know now.
al have triei 70 bribe legislatures to
change it to Theophi,ue Scarecrow but they
say that the sins ur the father shall be Wis
tied, etc About the only instance Of Iegi-.
Iators endorsing she Bible Talk Of your
Leonidas, and Joan Of Are, and that Old
fool WinkeIried, and Charlotte CUrday. and
George Nashi. .gtJn, and Andrew Jack
sons
"Pshaw.
"They are all right in a moderate way and
the world owes them something, bat suppose
some daring fellow had stuck bowie knife
in the bowels OF the original JOHN Smith he
would be the Patron Saint of the Smith fam
ily for all time, and the Smiths hold the bal
ance Of power just now. The Smiths would
make his grave their Mecca and crawl there
Of they could find it), mold a jubilee and
plaut jimson-weed on him and perhaps have
him in Frank Les lies paper as selfmade
man.
John Smith, of Virginia, is the first that
infested this cootinent. 1t old Powhattan
had smashed John Smiths skull, burned
his body and heelbarrowed the ashes into
James River he would have been a benetac-
tor and John Uoward's tombstone would
grow furious with jealousy at the mention
of his name. BIT he let the golden oppor-
tunty slip and to-day he isn't as great a
man a. Nero or myself.
"Pocahontas Of she did have black eyes
and wear a bustle) was the wickede-t wO-
man. No maiden with any principle would
have saved Johns life.
But it is all right You can't obliterate
John Smith. Neither fire, famine, the
plague or sword can do it. He bears a
charmed life. lie is immortal this side of
the grave. We hope he won't exist here
after unless his named is changed.
"lfa John Smith accidentally departs this
life. five hundred Smiths attend the funeral
and blubber over him and then go straight
home and name the whole family John.
thousands of John-Smth widows draw
pensions. Of course John was cut into
mince-meat by cannon balls and yet you
can't turn a street corner without meeting
John, who is still in good health ~ Recon
cile it if you can"
Then he groaned and looked helpleSsly at
the floor Shocked by the ghastly revela-
ton, | arose and left him alone in his sor-
row. That night he cut his throat and asked
that "E Pluribus Unhm'' be put on his
tombstone and to say nothing about John
Smith:
If this comes to the notice Of any of his
relatives. they can write me for more par
ticulars, which will cheerfuIly furnish at
the very low rate Of twenty-five cents per
particular.
Some amusing incidents occur among
travellers by rail, and the following We can