South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-06-05

You always find them under a monument
"A wide-awake minister, who found his con-
gregation going to sleep before he had fairly
commenced, suddenly stopped and exclaimed
Brethren, this isn't fair; it ism giving man
half chance. Wait till I get along, and then
if amt worth listening TO, go TO sleep, but
don't before commence, give a man IA chance
Alta prayer meeting If colored people in f.
RE, the decency and good order Of the meeting
being disturbed by a negro named Brown, whose
prayers in public were only incoherent rawlings,
the pastor inquired "What fool nigga's dat
prayin Gown dar near de doe ?" \ dozen people
replied,with one voice Il, am bruddah Brown,
eah." "Den, replied the pastor, "brudda Brown
suhside and let some one pay dats better
quain,od wild &c Lord ~
y LAWYERS ADVICE. AN Irishmau by the
name Of Tom Murphy, once borrowed sum of
money from one Of his neighbors, which he pro
missed to pay in a certain time. But month after
month passed by, end no signs of The agreement
Icing kept, his creditor at last warned him that
If he did not pay it on a certain day he should
cue him for it and recover by law This rather
frightened Tom, who, not being able to raise the
money, went to u lawyer to get advice on the
matter. After hearing Toms story through to
the end, he asked him
Has your neghbor any writing to show that
you owe him this fifty dollars?'
'Divil a word, replied Tom quickly.
well, then, i? you have not got the money
you can take your time. AT all events he can.
not collect IT by law !"
Thank yer honor much obliged said Tom.
rising and going towards the door.
Hold on, my friend, said the lawyer, you
owe me two dollars"
"What for p
why, for advice, to be sure. Do you sup
pose can live by charging nothiug?"
Tom scratched his bead moment in evident
Perplexity, for he had money. At lasta bright
idea seemed to strike kim.
AN have yecs any papers to show that owe
yees two dollNrs?' asked lie, with a twinkle in
his eye.
''Why of course not, what does that signify ?"
Thin I'll jest be after takin' yer own nd vice,
an pay neither you nor me neighbor !" saving
which he left the Office and its occupant to me
diIa'c GA lawyer taking his own advice and a
doctor takinG his own medicine.
Rather funny incident occurred the other
day on the Southwestern Railroad of Georgia.
man named Wolf residing at Marshaville.
near the railroad depot, has five low-headed chit
dren. Conductor d. sher had on his train "A large
party Of northern excursionsts, who were anx-
'ous to see all the Curosi,ies Near Marshalyille
lie told them that Il ere Was man no had i've
tame wolves, oil with white spot on top Of their
heads They expressed desire TO see the strange
animals, and the conductor said that as The wolf.
tanner lived near, he would wait for them Tie,
eiighted, and Dasher pointed the way to the
house, remarkirg that as the old she wolf was an
ugly customer, he would not go with them Co
ing TO the yard they found llrs. Wolf, and the
children playing around her They offered To
pay her literally for a sight Of the five tame
wolves They were back in time for tic train
"A young bachelor who had been appointed
Sheriff was called upon 20 serve IA attachment
against beautiful young widow. He accord
nsIy called upon her aud said Madam have
an attachment for you" The widow blushed.
and said bis attachment was rcciprocated "You
don't understand me-you must proceed to
co"'t" 81 kaow it is leap year, sir, butI pre-
fer you to do the counting "Mrs p, this is
no time for trihing-the Justice il waiting '--
The justice why prefer rarson
"a Kentucky paper tells this Ono night last
week Mr. Arch Fuller, who lives on the river.
...o" Bhrboursvillc, was aroused from his slum-
os.s about midnight by a peculiar noise in his
}"rd. IIe got up and upon opening The door,
.'heid standing within thirty feet of bis house n
Hrge black bear lie sprang for his pistol and
Immediately opened fire on Bruin. The night
was dark, but Arch could gee the bears ewes
and knew 10 was a bear, and kept on SHOOTING
until he had emptied bis revolver. Having no
other weapon about the house he closed and b.-.
rel Tho door and sat down 70 await ihe dawn of
DAY As soon as daylight appeared Arch COM
GUIDED That as he had heard no further noise du-
ring 'hc night he had killed The huge beast and
proposed TO make a survey Of the battle field 49,
Tie approached the spot where Bruin had stood
aud there, lying PROSTATE, With six bullet holes
through its body, was found his wifes wash.
'ub. Arch had seen The brass hoops on ,hc tub
shining, and took them for bears cyes.
In former times the government allowance
given to The widows Of Scotch clergymen was
nearly equal to The clergy man stipend A min
l5ter Of Cranshaws, parish among the Hammer.
moors. having wooed a lass in humble lrcum.
stances, The father Of The damssl when consulted
on The subjeo1said TAX EN- Jenny, tax cm
he's as guild dead as living
A rustic moraiist-Rector going lis rounds