The Arizona sentinel., 1874-02-07
WIT AND HUMOR.

A Western toast: "Let come
what will come, for it is sure to
come: SO come and let us take a
drink. And they all come.
An advertisement for district
school teacher, in New Hamp-
shire, concludes in this way: IN.
B-No man need apply who wears
a shawl.
Our experience, and the his
tory of the past eighteen centu.
RES. incline us to the belief that
no matter how we'll you treat a
shotgun, nor how you bring ii
up, it will bang the stufing out
of you the first time it gets a
chance.
"Madam, why were you not
here before?" 81 could not come
SIR" "Were you not subpoen@d,
MADAME" "Yes, sir ; but l was
sick?" What was the matter,
madam" 81 had an awful boil.
sir" upon your honor, MADAME"
mo, sir, upon my aruI."
"You ought to let me pass free
of charge, consider ng the benev-
olent nature of my profession.
said a physician TO a toll-gate
keeper.
Mot So" was the reply. "You
send too many headheads through
here now"
Among the gifts of a bride was
a broom, with the following:
"This trffilng gift accept from me,
Its use | would cOmmrnd:
In sunshine use the brushy part,
In storms the other end
A colored preacher, in translat-
ing to his hearers the following
sentence: "The harvest is over,
the season is ended, and thy soul
is not saved" put it: ''De corn
has been cribbed, dere amt any
more work and de debbil is still
foOlin' wild dis community.
A man in Phoebe the other day
accidently discharged his pistol.
The rage of the citizens in gen
eral, and the maledictions of the
impecunious legal fraternity in
particular, were fearful, when
they ascertained that no one was
killed.
A West Slider who keeps gen.
eral store, in descanting on the
completeness of his stock, says he
tries to keep everything in crea'
ton but the ten commandments,
and he would keep them, but no
one else keeps them, and he don't
want to appear eccentric.
IT was in Maine when the old
dialect still chung even to minis
tiers in their pulpits, that Rev.
Mr.. Hone sabbath used the
word kiver, but Immediately cor
rected himself. "MOther," said
a little boy on his way home, ibid
you hear Mr.. H-try TO cover
up his kiver?"
A gentleman at a dance re-
marked to his partner, a witty
young lady, that the room was
50 close he must go out and get
some air." After an absence of
half an hour he returned, when
she asked him elf he had been to
the graveyard as his breath smelt
of the beer"
A missionary among the freed
men in Tennessee, after relating
to some little colored children the
story of Ananias and Saphira,
asked them why God does not
strike everybody dead that tells
lie, when one of the least in the
room quickly answered, "Beceuse
there wouldn't be anybody left"
"I have offered to take wood"
says the editor of the GraysOn
(Mo.) Democrat, IN Touching ap-
peal, ''hut not one stick has been
hauled to the Office by subscrib-
er. 1.-THE paper is not issued next
week, the friends of it will know
that editor, publisher and devil,
are getting up wood to ruu the
office the balance of the Winter"
This seems to be the ''word with
the bark on"
Sammy was reading the Bible |
very attentively, when his father
came into the room and asked |
him what he had found that was
SO interesting. The boy, looking
up eagerly, exclaimed. 81 have
found Il place in the Bible where
they were all Methodists. "HOw
SOP" inquired the father. BE
cause" said he, I'LL the people
said 'Aman'."
The Indianapolis Ne,Cs, irreligi-
ously Oblivious to the great and |
good uses the humble South Bend |
Stand. pipe has been called to full
fill. perpetrates7tho fGGlloWing:
ga cross-eyed lady of South Bend
gazed with her direct eye at the
new dam across the river while
bor off orb xuh ich haDr.anad tO no