The Caucasian. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1874-1875, 1874-12-05
fAer. An. !. S.,or: :,
" Nagsasi M-s -

A watch-word Tick. be
Long division--Divorce.
A nod fellow-Morpheus.
Light -headed-A street lamp.
Fee simple-A fee to a quack.
Leveling down-Going to bed.
Very hard lines-The railways.
A yawl-boat-One filled with
crying bab,es.
An act of great politeness-Pol-
ishing stove.
How to treat a wife-Treat her to
a new dress.
A Dubuque, Iowa, man offers to
pray for So day. 1.s...,
Dear Johnnys gone, he could not stay:
On heavenly meads he browses,
And now he sadly put away :0a
| His little Checkercd trousers f.4
Loves Language-Young bride:
"Was she his own darling duck
umns q eyes, she was ownty
donty darling duckums." Exit old
married man, enraged and disgust
ed. - a..
Mr.. Dubois, of Fall River, has
had the blood of a live lamb intro
duced in to his veins, as a remedy
for consumption. It is probable
that there will be no unusual effect
save an abnormal fondness for all
girls named Mary. IF
"Alas!n said the nurse who at
tended the witty divine Sidney
Smith, in his last illness, II have
made a mistake and given you a
bottle OF ink" "Tlten," said the
dying wit, s'fetch me all the blot
ting paper there is in the house,"
''Don't prevaricate, sirw ~ thun-
dered Judge Shell. to a witness,
"Can't help it, judge" answered
the youth. ''Ever since I got a
kick from mule. that knocked my
teeth out, l prevaricate a good
deal"
Lawyer-''How do yon identify
this handkerchiefs" Witness-''By
it's general appearance, and the
fact that / have others like. it."
Counsel (cutely)-''That's no proof,
for | have got one just like it in my
pocket" Witness Gnnocertly)-
II don't doubt that, as I had more
than one of the same sort stolen"
A woman in New London, Conn,
saw her husband carrying a lady's
satchel, and she tore the 1ady's
dress before discovering that it was
her mother, who had dropped down
on the evening train to surprise
her. Every husband in the land
who is out evenings should read
this little item to wife and hold up
the dangers of her becoming sus-
picious without the best of cause.
A LESSON IN ADJECTIvEs.-
"Well, my son, you have got into
grammar, have you ," said a proud
sire to his thickest chip the other
night. Let me hear you compare
some adjectives"
Chip.-"All right, dad. Little,
less, least; big, beast; NOW, more,
most"
Proud Sire-"Hold on, sir; that's
not right; YOU"
Chip-''Toe, tore, toast; snow.
snore, snont; go, gore, gout; row,
roar, rout."
P. S.-Stop, say, those adj"
C.-"Drink, drank, drunk !; chink
chank, chunk"
I P. S.-"You Internal little fool!
What in thuader-"
C.-"Good, better, best; wood,
wetter, wet; bad, wusser, worst !;
bile, 5iler, b.llerbust; sew, sewer,
sup; pew, door, pupouch; oh {!
gemimi! dad! o-o-O.W!
The outraged parent had broken
into the recitation with a boot jack. +"
"My father was a farmer before
me, and 1 thank God that.I am
farmer born" Such was the soap
Porter expected to soothe the gran
gers with on Fourth Of July last.
1t reminded Col. Geo. Stanley Of
the Illinois orator who addressed
rural audience: "Gentlemen," said
he, ~ am proud to be one Of you.
My father was farmer, and / am
a farmer born. Yes, l may truly
SAY, l was born between two rows
of corn" eAt this juncture tipsy
agriculturalist at the further end Of