The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1874-06-25
A Bolt Always in Order.

Squills declares that his wife is always
taking some kind of mean advantage of
him. 1.-THE best woman in the world, sir
SAYS Sauills; 'bat now and then she will
act mean, and she can't help it."
''Last Sunday, at breakfast" SAYS Mr.
Squills, she was as smiling as basket OF
chips"
Are your chops done to your liking,
Squills, dear?'
:" Deliciously, my love-"
Il broiled them myself, dear"
:" i knew it was going to be hot" said
Squills. "and when got into the hall TO
leave, Mrs. Squills was there, with my
hat in one hand and my Overcoat in the
other"
"Squills, dear" she began.
81 thought it. time to pitch in here
said Squills, :" so said quietly
"'How much, Mrs. Squills? Out with
it, my love-
"'Mr. Squills, don't be unmanly. sir,
beg. not TO say ridiculous. GusSv wants a
silk dress to 20 to church in; the poor
child really isn't decent you are very
sorry?' Well so YOU ought to be. Let her
say her PRAYERS athome? No, Mr.. SquillS,
she shan't stay at home, and She shan't say
her PRAYERS; and Mr.. Squills, you're
enough TO aggravate a saint, and your con-
duct is disgusting, and it's enough to drive
a woman TO bolt right off toChicagO and
get a divorce
II thought this was good time to fire
off my pet joke" said Squills, $50 | said
Mrs. Squills, bolt is always in order.
Then | bolted myself, for Mrs. Squills
comes of a fighting family.
"When | went home that night, Gussy,
dear child, played all my pet Offenbach
music, and | knew | was in for the dress,
only | wanted to hold out till morning, just
for the looks of the thing.
"For five years after we were married
Mrs. S. would persist in looking under the
bed for man. It's the same man every
woman looks for, suppose, because they
all do it. Well, falling to find the man,
Mrs. Squills gave up in disgust, and took
to something else. Mrs. Squills' weak
ness is boiling the door. Mr.. Squills,
have you bOlted the door?' is always the
last thing at night.
This particular night, Mrs. Squills
was very dignified and distant. No famil'
iarities, Mr.. Squills, if you please; wound,
ed my feelings in their tenderest point
this morning; and cannot forget, though
YOU did, that | am your wife, sir, and the
mother of your children, Mr.. Squills.'
This was pitching it. uncOmmonly
strong, you know" said Squilis, . and
was about to surrender, when Mrs. 5.
turned off the gas and then coiled herself
up in pet, somewhere on the outside OF
the bed rail. Not even Good night
Squills.' | felt pretty bad about it, | car
tell you, but went to sleep, but after {
while experienced kick in the back. as
if some playful mule had been tanning me
Perhaps it was necessary, as L always
sleep hard.
"'Mr. Squills,' at last l heard Mrs. S
say. Mr.. Squills, have you bolted the
door?'
Now, | leave it to any man whether
that is the correct thing for the mother OF
the family to do? OF course | got up and
bolted the door. and said |, Mrs. Squills
why didn't YOU think of boiling the door
before | went to sleep, and not wake up a
man in the middle of cold night to do it !?
And what do You suppose her answer
was?
"'Whv, Mr.. Squills,' said she, i
thought bolt was always in order
What did say? What could | say
And he worst of it all said Squills, "Ill
be hanged if she wasn't laughing at me-
Boston Courier.