Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-11-06

Putting up stove j. not So dilHc1lt "a IT.
self Ii is the pipe that raises tour-hith> OF
the mischief and all the dust. You may
take down a stove with all tie care in the
world and have your wife put away tie PIPE
in a secure place. and yet that plIe won't
come together again as it was before lon
find this out when You are standing cn
chair with your arms fall Of pipe anu Your
mouth full of SCOT Your wife Is standing
on the floor in a position that enables her to
see YOU. the pipe, and the chair and here
she gives uttcrance to those remarks that are
calculated to hasten man into the extremes
of insanity. Her dress Is pinned ovc- ter
waist. and her hands rest on her hiVs. She
has cot one OF your hats an her head. and
YOUR linen coat on her back. and a pair ui
YOUR rubber- on her icet. There Is about
five cents worth of potbiack on hcruo-e' and
a lot Of flour on her chin. and altogether she
is spectacle that would inspire a dead man
with distrust And while You are up there
irving to circumyent the awful contmrlne~~
! of the pipe. and telling that you know some
| fool has been mixing it. she stands safely or
the floor and bombards you with such domes-
/ tie notices as Nv hat 5 the use Of swearing
SOP lyon amt got any more patience
! than n child" "Do he careful Of that
chair" And then she goe- of, and dreappearS
with an armful more of pipe, and before You
! are aware of it she has got that pipe 50 hor-
ribly mixed up that it does seems no two
pieces are alike. Yoa ipin the ends, and
work them to and fro. and take them
apart again and look at them. Then you
spread one out and Jam the other together
and mount them once more. But 1t is no
81. Q in
spired with life. and ache 70 kick them
through the window. Bat she d0esn lose
her patience. She goes around with that
awfullv exasperating rigging on, with q
| length of pipe under each arm and long
handled broom in her hand, and says Size
don't see how it Is some people never have
any trouble in putting upa stove. Then yon
miss the hammer You don't see II any
where. You stare into the pipe and along
the mantle. and down on the stove, and of
to the floor Your wife watches You intent
lv, and Is finally thoughtful enough to IN
guire what you are looking after, and on
learning. pulls the article from her pocket
Then Won feel as if YOU could 20 ont doors
and swear 4 hole twelve feet square through
block of brick buildings, but she merely
observes. why on earth don't you speak
when Won want anything. and not stare
around like a dummy = When that part o
the pipe which goes through the wall Is up
she keeps it up with her broom while you
are making the connection. and stares at II
with an intensity that IS entirely uncalled
for. All the while your position is becoming
more and more interesting. The pipe don
90 tocether. of course. The SCOT shake
down into vour eyes and mouth, the swea
rolls down YOUR face and tickles your chm
as it drops off and it seems as ii your arm
are slow " but surely drawing out oi thei
sockets. Here your wife comes to the rescue
by inquiring if you are going to be all day
doing nothing, and if you think her arm
are made of cast iron, and then the broom
slips of the pipe, ard in her endeavor to re
cover her hold she iahs you under the ehIi
with the handle. and the pipe comes down oI
your head with its load of dried soot- an'
then the chair tilts forward enough To DIS
charge your feet, and you come down on tn
wrong end of that chair with enough fore
; enough to bankrupt pile driver. You don
! touch that stove again. You leave your VIII
examining the chair and bemoaning its IN
iuries, and 90 into the kitchen and wash yon
t skinned and bleeding hands with yellow soap
Then You go down the street after man I
do the business, and your wife goes over t
the neighbors with the chair, and tells then
| about its injuries, and drains the neighbor
|, hood dry of its sympathy long before you ge
home.-Daabvy Ners-