The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-10-27

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have been chopped up, blended together
and thrust, even to the risk Of bursting it,
into the external cuticle of John Thomas.
John believed there was such place as
Hireland, or as in his loftier moods he
termed it hernia, thereby nullifying by
omission the gratuitous expenditure of the
misapplied "H - and he labored under
delusion that the British Government sup
ported the Hirish, who were only fit for
excavators" and scavengers, from mo-
tives of the purest philanthrophy.
John Thomas father imagined the nat
ural produce of the country was turf, pota-
toes and poteen and the pastimes of the
people burning barns, numbering landlords
and taking an annual tithe of Protestant
parsons with bludgeOns and blunderbusses,
instead of allowing them to take their
scriptural dues.
So much as general outline Of John
Thomas's public opinions as an individual
demonstration of his more private feelings
we will briefly say John loved pretty, plump
Patty Pride, and, as somehow or other
"Hirishmen" with him we're always inter-
lopers, he fancied Con Sweeny kept up the
national character, or rather want of it,by
doing the same, and, therefore, as far as
he could hate, he hated Con Sweeny.
We say Gas far as he could" because,
despite his prejudices, John Thomas had
magnificent corner in his heart, which, like
rainbow, that offspring of a shower, still
born if unsmiled on by the genial sun,
wanted but seasonable opportunity to de-
velope itself in all it's glory.
In person John was model for butler.
He lived we'll and his stout proportions,
ponderous calves and rubicund nose, like
honest witnesses as they were, ,unequivocally
testified to the fact. aal
His Hirish rival, Con Sweeuy-Con be-
ing national condensation for Cornelius
was dare-deVil-boy, Of some four or FIVE
and-twenty, with dark curling hair, saucy
blue eyes, a somewhat wide and laughter
loving mouth, garnished with row of as
white "ivories" as ever furnished the
opening in the head of Galway lad.
Like all his countrymen he was passion
ately fond of horses and many were the
bright glanees and sweet smiles bestowed
upon Con Sweeny when mounted on one of
the Masters thorough-breds, but no
smile or glance had half the charm for the
good-looking Irishman as the smiles and
glances of pretty, plump Patty Pride in
| g. 81 b, hsa dc ha
ed intirely by his love for the Colleen"
Patty was back-eyed, rosy-cheeked and
although plump, marvellously well-shaped:
"Brisk as bee and light as fairy"
Tripping about on her little feet like con-
ceited young fawn, and singing as gaily
and sweetly at her work as the hazel-eyed
robin.
1t has been remarked by gentleman of
the name Of Shakespeare, that
he course of true love never did run smooth.
Our tale will prove no exception to this rule
the main cause of which--shame upon her
for twas Patty Pride's addiction to CO.
quetry. rr
She knew John Thomas loved her, and
she knew Con Sweeny loved her, and she
knew, by reason of certain legal restric-
tions, she could not conveniently marry
both of them therefore, she knew, OF
ought to have known, the most proper
thing she could do was to make her cleo
tion and there was the difficulty that puz-
zled Pattys brains.
The more she argued the matter with
herself the more she doubted.
The pros and cons were sorely conflict
ing.
John Thomas had the best place, while
Con Sweeny had the best face,
Con could dance like an angel, but John
had money in the bank
John might be steward, but Con was
thirty years the younger
Con could sing like lark and make
love like an Irishman, but John Thomas
limited at marriage settlements silk
gown and public-house.
Under these conflicting circumstances
Patty Pride went ON doubling, and the
arrow of love was converted into the shaft
of discord.
Thus precisely similar effects--though
from different causes-were visible In the
upper and lower portions of the establish
ment declining affection in the drawing
rooms producing the same uneasiness in
Sir Methusalah and Lady Rust, that incipi-
ent love in the servants hall caused John
Thomas, Con Sweeny and Patty Pride.
fse ~ CHAPTER H.