South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-10-02
WIT AND HUMOR.


how is it that you have no. called upon me
for your account ?'-'Ob,' said Mr. PEEcH,
Il never asked gentleman for money p
Iudeed,' said the Vicar, 'then how do you
get it if he doesn't pay?' Why replied
Mr.. PEECH, after a certain time conclude
that he is not a gentleman and then ask
him.
-'OF course, we could Mt have him roam.
ing around here and putting on Congress-
ional airs, says Nevada paper in explain
ing how q horse thief came to his end.
"A doctors motto is supposed to be-
Patients and long suffering.
Young wife to her husband. 'Well
JOHN, we are married now, suppose VIC
must live on bread and water 'Yes, you
get the bread and III skirmish around and
see if can get the water
II should like 'Courtship and Mar
riage,' and 'rhe Best of Husbands said a
pretty girl, tripping into a Broadway hook
store. q think | can fill that bill, Miss
replied the dapper young salesman. Have
you Ten Thousand Yearl
"A Milwaukee writer is severe Notes
Of the storm come In. a visitor from Lou,
isville was struck by the wind, aud as he
flew up Wisconsin street with his ears un-
furled, gentleman remarked, Il knew that
the wind would fetch the circus tent.
81 say SAMBo, does you know what
makes de corn grow 80 fast when you put
the manure on it. mo don't hardly
Now, I'll jist tell you, " hen dc corn begins
to smell de fumory, it hurrios out oh dc
ground an gets up as high as possible so
as not to breathe de bad air.
IA late well-known member of the
Scottish bar, when a youth, was somewhat
of a dandy, and, suppose, somewhat shor.
and sharp in his temper. He was going
to pay visit in the country, and was max.
ing great fuss about his preparing and
putting on his habilimeEts. His old aunt
was much annoyed at all tho hustle, and
stopped him by tho somewhat contemptu-
Gus question, Whar's this you are gaun,
RoBBY, that, yc max sic n grand wark a.
bout yer claes p The young man lost tenn
per, aud pettishy replied, 1 am going to
the devil. Deed RoBBY, then, was the
quiet answer, We medina be sac nice; he'll
JUST take ye as ye are.
WAKING UP TIE MAGISTRATE.
few nights ngo,an hour after midnight JUS
tice POTTER was awakened by some ono
pounding ct his door. He arose and asked
what was wanted, and voice replied that
he must go over to Macomb street to mar
~ couple.
GO home, mister this is no hour to
marry cry ono,' he replied
but can't wait called tho man, his
voice botrayipg great anxiety.
'But you'll have to.
ooh! come now, Judge coaxed the man
4 want TO make dead sure thing of il.
Two been counting and counting, and she's
hung of and hung off, and I've fnally got
her to say 'yos,' and there's no knowing
how long the ft'll last Get up and make
tracks right away, for she's worth two COWS
and horse and wagon =
His Honor couldn't resist the appeal and
the marriage was solemnized at two O'clock
IN the morning. -Dctroi Free Press.
Horse dwelling done here is what
ono reads on an Oregon backsmiths shin
gle.
-Teacher-'Petor, you arc such bad
boy that you are not fit to sit in tho com.
paDy Of good boys on tho bench. Como
up here and cit by me, sir
MARK TWAIN was one day playing
With his first baby. His wife said you
do love the baby, don't you, sam 2
Well he replied in bis bosjtatiue way. q
won't say love it, but can't help re.
spaciing it for It's fathers sabo.'
As two children woFo plying togoth-
or,littlo JANE got angry and poutod. Jons-
NY said to her:
Look cut, JANE, or I'll take seat up