The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-03-10
Wagman's Joke.

TN Columbia street Washington, live
IL two very dignified and solemn, elderly
gentlemen, the one clerk of the old school
in the Treasury, and the other an examiner
in the Patent Office. They are named re-
spectivcly Colonel Belding and Major
PUNK. Both are bachelors. and they live
OIL opposite sides of the way. Until recent
ly neither knew that there was such be-
ing in existence as the other. Now, Wag-
man, who also lives in Columbia street,
and who is a clerk of the period in the Post
Office enjoys the acquaintance of both
these gentlemen, or rather did enjoy it up
to the time of which we write ; he is alien
unto both of them at present. Wagman
conceived the reprehensible idea of bring
ing the major and the colonel together un-
der circumstances which, though impress
sive, we feel called upon to condemn in the
most unqualified terms. In pursuance of
his purpose Wagman mentioned Major
Plunk's name to the colonel one evening in
laudatory terms, and asked if he'd the
pleasure of his acquaintance. The colonel
regretted he had not the honor. On the
following evening he spoke of Colonel
Belding in the same strain to the major.
Wagman dropped into their rooms fire.
quently during the next two weeks in
fact he spent his evenings with one or the
other, and he improved every opportunity
to praise each of these gentlemen in turn.
Ac ho hao
ly interested in the major, and the major
shared the sentiment in equal measure in
respect to the colonel. Finally, few eve
nings ago, the colonel stated to Wagman
that he should feel honored and delighted
with the majors acquaintance, and asked
him if he could not arrange meeting.
Wagman said he'd try, though the major
was rather reserved and exclusive, and to
make his acquaintance was no easy mat
ter; when he did unbend himself, however,
he was simply delightful. On the follow
ing evening Wagman called on the major
and stated Colonel Belongs wish. The
major was highly pleased, and said he too
had long desired to form the colonel's ac-
quaintance that he hailed this opportunity
with anticipations of infinite delight So,
it was arranged that the meeting should
take place last night in Wagman's room,
if agreeable to the colonel.
"I'll go over and see the colonel now,
and if it is all rig Int I'll come back and let
you know" said Wagman, as he took his
leave. And after he got out on the land
ing he thought of something and come
back. "By the bye, Major, 1 forgot one
thing. Though you'll find the colonel
splendid, elegant, peerless, he is unfortu-
nately very deaf, so you'll have to talk
quite loud. just thought I'd mention it.
Good night" And he went across the
way to the colonel's. 1850
It's all arranged, said he with evident
satisfaction, bounding into Colonel Beld-
ing's sitting room. You're both to come
to my room tomorrow night if you've no
prior engagement.
The colonel said he hadn't, t,and they took
rum punch in view of the satisfactory
issue. When Wagman started to go homo
he thought of something on the landing,
just as it had happened at the majors and
went back.
81 almost forgot to mention that the
major has the misfortune to be quite hard
of hearing-very, may say. Aside from
that you'll not be disappointed in him I'm
sure" '
On his way home Wagman stopped at
the majors and called through the Eeyhole
that it was "all right; tomorrow evening
at seven.' ''a
Seven O'Clock found Wagman seated in
his parlor waiting to receive his friends.
In Wagman's bedroom were two young
bucks who would have been far better en-
ployed in attending the Young Men'f
Christian Association. The bedroom door
was on the Jar. Colonel Bedding wat
prompt to a second. He and Wagmau
chatted over the events of Christmas for a
few moments, when Major PUNK was ush.
cred in, all smiles and dignity. He greeted
Wagman cheerily and bowed in a stately
way to the colonel. Wagman introduced
them without ceremony, saying simply: N
"Major PUNK, Colonel Belding; Colonel
Belding, Major Punk" Qn rather eleya-
ted tone.)
Each grasped the other warmly by the
hand, and their eyes betrayed the solemn
pleasure that this meeting gave them,
Major PUNK was the first to speak: X,
"Colonel Belding," he began in voice
of bass thunder, leaning over the colone