Smyrna times., 1874-10-21
Mark Twain on Colds.
The following letter explains itself:
HARTFORD, Conn, Oct. 5, 1874


HARTFORD, Conn, Oct. 5, 1874.
Mss K. W. White:
DEAR MADAM: | regret exceedingly being
unable to accept your kind invitation (also MIR.
p. q. Duify's) to be present at your Com
mencement exercises but the annoying and
vexatious illness which still hangs about me,
together with some business engagements, will
prevent. The illness to which | refer is
severe cold which | took in New York last
Winter during the lecture season. Perhaps
the recital of how | tried to cure this cold may
be OF interest, and may serve instead Of the few
remarks you so politely asked me to make to
the friends and pupils.
The first time began to snccze, a friend told
me to 80 and bathe my feet in hot water and 90
to bed. | did SO. Shortly after another friend
told me to get up and take a cold shOwer-bath.
| did that also. Within the hour, another
friend assured me that it was policy to feed
cold and starve a fever l had both. So
thought it best to fill my self up tor the cold,
and let the fever starve awhile. In ease Of
this kind | seldom do things by halves; | ate
pretty heartily. | conferred my custom upon
a stranger who had Just opened his restaurant
on Cortandt street, near the hotel, that morn
| ing, paying so much fora full meal. He waited
near me in respectful silence until had finished
feeding my cold when he inquired if the
! people about New GOrk were much afflicted
with colds. | told him thought they were
| lie then went out and took in his sign.
| | started up toward the Office, and on the
way encountered another bosom friend, who
told me that quart of warm Saltwate would
come as near curing COLI as anything in the
world. | hardly thought | had room for it.,
| but tried it, anyhow The result was surpris-
ing. believe | threw up my immortal soul.
! Now, as | give my experience only for the
benefit of those of your friends who are troubled
with this distemper, feel that they will see
the prOpriety of my cautiOnng them against
! following such portions OF it as proved lnefh.
cent with me, and acting upon this conviction
| warn them against warm salt water. 1t may
be good enough remedy, but | think it i,
rather too severe. Ii | had another cold in the
head, and there was no course left me to take
either an earthquake or quart OF warm sail
water, | would take my chances on the earth
quake. After this everybody in the hOte
became interested, and took all sorts of RENE
dies-hOt lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper tea
boneset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound syrup
onions and loaf sugar, lemons and brown sugar
, vinegar and laudanum, five bottles fir basam
eight bottles cherry pect0ral, and ten bottles o
, Uucle Sam remedy, but all without effect
One Ofthe prescriptions given by an Old lady wa
well, it was dreadful. She mixed a decoc
, ton composed of fmOlasses, catnip, peppermint
, aqua iOrtiS, turpentne, kerosene, and variou
, other drugs, and instructed me to take wine
, glassfu of it every fifteen minutes. l nevc
took but one dose that was enough. | ha,
to take to my bed, and remain there for tw
entire days. When felt little better NOR
things were recommended. | was desperate
/ aud willing to take anything. Plain gin wa
| recommended, then gin and mOlaSSes, then 81
and onions. | took all three. detected n
t particular result, however, except that | ha
acquired breath like a turkey buzzard, an
i had to change my boarding place. At this me-
place they suggested different remedy to an
d yet tried. A sheet bath was recommended
), had never refused remedy yet, and it SCENE
poor policy to commence then; therefore
# determined to take a sheet BATH though | ha
!. no idea what sort of arrangement it was.
a was administered at midnight, and the wealth,
!. was very frosty My back and breast wei
Is stripped. and a sheet (therp appeared to be
/. thousand yards of t) soaked in ice water W;
wound around me until | rGsembled a swab I,
,e a columbiad. 1t is cruel cxpedient Whu
, the chilly rag touches one warm flesh il max,
J. him start with sudden violence ani gasp I,
4. breath, just men do in the death agony
p froze the marrow in my bones and stopped ii
i beating of my heart. thought my time ha
come. When | recovered from this fricl
i recommended the application of a mustal
. plaster to my breast | believe that would ha,
g cured me efT"ctualiy lift had not been fer your
ID Clemens When ! went to bed ! put Il
mustard plaster where could reach it when
"a should be ready for it, But Young Cicmr
got hungry in the night, and ate it up. | rev
s.. saw any child have such an appetite. Il
or confident that he would have eaten me it ! h;
n been healthy. After all this experience v,
e. cannot wonder that dread going to New Yor
of and feel Obliged to decline your kind invitatio
or Wishing you a successful and pleasant time,
remain, very respectfully,
he S. l.. CLEMENS, MARX Twain. }