The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-10-09
Common scnse-Pennies.

Common sense-Pennies.
Noah-was an ark itect Of the first wa
ter.
Home streteh-the stretch across the
maternal knee.
Ministers of the interior-the cook
and the doctor.
The vilest sinner may return-every-
thing save an umbrella.
They made a man pray seven hours
for stealing a mule in Delaware
The worlds memory is short. 1t will
forget you if you do not jog it frequent
ly.
Josh Billings says, "Tew enjoy a good
reputashun, Civ publicly and steal pri-
vately."
The Richmond Enquirer has a Letter
from Louisa" every week. She's a court
house.
An exchange asks: "Where does the
cotton go?" We know where a good deal
of it goes, but don't like to tell.
The odor of Brooklyn sanctity is 30
strong that when the wind is from the
East, New Jersey people shutdown their
windows.
A circus lion is roaming around
Weston Missouri, and people have a good
excuse for remaining away from paryer-
meetings.
4 Delaware man lost his wife and a
race-horse by the same stroke Of light
ming, and he tried for two hours to revive
the horse.
Napoleon ". is cultivating a very
lovely moustache, and this gives the
American girls who have seen il some
thing to dream about
"Mary Jane, have you given the gold
fish fresh water?" "No, ma'am. What's
the use; they haven't drunk up what's
in ther yet"
A Dubuque man offers to go out pray
ing with the sick at 50 per day, and adds:
-"Or will drive team, break colts, or
run cider mill"
The Shakers Of New York number
eighty less than two years ago, and they
have got to throw away their single bed
steads or become an extinct sect.
When young lady has to stay at
home from party on account Of a sty
on her eye, it is useless to tell her that
Providence doeth all things for the best
One OF the meanest things a small boy
can do is to put tacks in the chairs when
he knows that young man Is coming
to call on his sister that evening
King Gomba, Of Africa, has made use
of the new cable to say to Boston: "Last
missionary just been put to bake; rather
thin, send something corpnlent."
"Of course we couldn't have him
roaming around here and putting on
Congressional airs, says a Nevada pa
per in explaining how horse thief
came to his end.
"Lord what a COW" was the approx
ing remark Of a teetotal judge Of Yer
mont after swallowing potent punch.
which had been offered to him rs glass
Of milk
"What Is bulI-heud luck?' asks o
Kentucky paper. Twisting a mules tail
and getting away from his heels without
being kicked, comes near enough 70 an
swer the question.
The relatives of Captain Ryan, Of the
Vlrginius, want S5OO,OOo as compensa-
ton for his death. Half million dol
lars is better than nothing, but why did
Mt they put in for his full value2
"Do you know your good pastors
chief end and aim?" asked New York
Sunday y-school teacher Of her avorito
pupil. "Yes,D replied the sagacious
child, "to get his sermons printed in the
papers"
A New York State Quaker was found
in patch Of grass behind q fence look
ing at a circus procession, and he turned
it of by asking, Friend, hast thee seen
the hngbolt Of my wagon around here3"
In Troy they throw red hot pennies
TO organ grinders This action kills two
birds with one cent. II records a chnri-
table action in the eyes Of the world and
disablcs the hand organ man.-NO. Re
/ publican.
A Snowman whose notices called for "a
few fat boys TO "fccd his cannibals," re-
ccived a card from a man saying that he
couldn't spare his boys, bat he had a
good "stall-fed mothcr-in-law" tha, he
thought would suit.
A Schenectady man jumped into a
well to avoid hor-o-whipping from a
woman, and his brother had 10 bribo her
with three dollars not TO go down ailor
him and tell him what she thought Of
J auch cowmrdly conduct.