Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-05-28
Wit. Humor and Wisdom.

OMAHA claims 10 nave huSSl8l
nobleman in it's telegraph office. Hi,
name is Alexis A. de Perwinoff, and thu
Count~"was exiled for his republican
fproGlections. ~o~s - -
AN 1rishman remarked to a com.
panion, on observing a lady pass,
"Pat, did you ever sec SO thin q
woman as that before ?''-"Thin - re.
piled the other botherashun! I've
seen ono as thin as two Of her put
together, I have"
AN interesting little boy, timid when
left alone in dark room, was overheard
recently by his mother to say in his
loneliness, "Oh, Lord, don't let any
one hurt me, and I'll go to church
next Sunday, and give you some
money"
Two young Irishmen happened to
get into an atf1ay in which one Of them
up to him, and cried out, "Zounds,
Dennis, if ye be dead can't ye spake p
I'm not dead, but spacneless," said
tho other. !.
AN Irish post-boy having driven a
gentleman long stage during torrents
of rain, the gentleman civily said to
him, Paddy are you not very wet?''
"Arrah, I don't care about bein' very
wet, but, plaze your honor, I'm very
dry" =:
A BENGAL paper supplies q neat in
stance OF confusion of metaphor. Criti-
cising the income tax, cur cotemporary
hopes the government will not re-
peat the blunder of killing the cali
which daily produces the golden egg. u
AMERICAN, Cooking at the long bill
just presented)-" Wal, I guess you
air an old hoss p Waiter" "Old hoss.
sir ! What dye mean, sir ?" Ameri.
can" Wal, just that you're famous
charger, for sure !'-RAnch.
LYNCH law is probably based on the
spirit of an old saying. When despera.
does abound, honest people surrende,
to their leaders an lynch" and they
take an L" and make code called
"Lynch Law"
CALAIS p said tho nurse who attended
the witty divine, Sidney Smith, in his
last illness, IT have made mistake
and give you bottle of ink - "Then," /"
said the dying wit, "fetch me all the
blotting paper there is in the house. -
A WESTERN orator who, warming
with his subject, exclaimed: "There
is not a man, woman or child in this
house, who has arrived ut the age of
fifty years, but has felt this truth thun-
dering through their minds for CEN
turies. "
APARTY of young men dined sumptu-
ously at a restaurant in Atlanta, and
each one insisted on paying the bill.
To decide the matter, it was proposed
to blindfold the waiter, and the first
one he caught should pay the bill.
He hasn't caught any of them yet.
i IN THE SPRING.
In the spring fuller crimson comes upon the rob-
In the spring the wanton apwings gets himself an
other crest;
In the spring liveer iris changes on the burnsl-
In the spring young mans fancy lightly turns to
thoughts of love.
In describing the recent debut of a
young lady, whose friends went into
rapturcs over her performance. Jones
says: ."They applauded her when
she opened her mouth they applauded
her when she shut it !; they applauded
her when she kicked the stool; and I
very believe they would have applaud
ed her had she kicked the bucket!'
ALWAYS have abook within your reach
which you may catch up at you odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in little
reading every day, if it is but a single
sentence. IF you can give fifteen min
utes every day, it will be felt at the
endof the year. Regulate your thoughts
when not at study. A man is think
ing, even while at work. Let him think
we'll.
A YOUNG man was carving a goose at
a dinner-table one day, when by an
awkward move he knocked it into the
lap of a lady who was sitting opposite,
in all the glory of a green satin dress.
Instead of showing his verdancy by
profuse apologies, and confused man
her, he simply said: "Ill trouble
yon for that Goose, Miss Can the
annals of society furnish an example
| of self-possession more sublime?