The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-22

w HEN aIo ~ oS uOG eyes Vn0n the
wind makes them water. s.- -....,a
WHEN does water resemble a gymnast?
When it makes spring. -..
EDO YOU like the piano ?' some one
asked Theophile Gautier. CT prefer it
to the guillotine, was the reply of the
poet.
HERE is the last achievement of the
Philadelphia obituary man:
Dear Johnny's gone; he could not stay;
On heavenly meads he browes,
And now we sadly put away
A&s His little checkered troWers. Z
A YOUNG man chargedwith being lazy
was asked if he took it from his father.
"Ithink not, was thereby. Gathers
got all the laziness he ever had"
'sDIGBH, will you take some of this
butter?"- "Thank you ma am, belong
to the temperance society-can't take
anything strong, replied Digby.
AN old lady was admiring the beauti-
full picture called "Saved." cts no
WONDER" said she, "that the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water" t,.
JOHN CooHRANE, on being introduced
to the Chief Magistrate of Dublin, re-
marked: ST knew that you made
bulls in your country, but [ had no idea
thatyou madesuch agniicentmayors.
On, Swing and Patton, s.
f+ Beecher and Tilton, 81 rs-.-f .
Anthony and Stanton,
Proctor and Moulton, ....r
The NAV of the nation
Is gorged to repletion
With thy quarrels and carry-on!
"JoHN," said a schoolmaster, "you
will soon be a man, and will have to at
tend to business. What do you sup
pose you will do when you have to write
letters unless you learn to spell better ?"
ooh, sir, answered John, +" I shall put
easy words in them"
odd you report that I was thief,
sir ?" angrily inquired Shook the other
day of one of his neighbors. "No, I
reported no such thing. I only said
that there were strong suspicious against
you, and that I believed all the sus-
picions to be correct" 90, was that
all ?"
SOMEBODY asserts that fdeath takes
place, the world over, at the rate of
one every three seconds, and births at
the rate of one every two seconds. There
is sense of profund relief in thethought
that every time a man goes out of the
world a baby and half are coming
into it.
SINCE Orphic poets Oros sang
Or since as Love we knew him,
His golden arrow twas that taught
Our bleeding hearts to rue him.
But when he aimed at gallant Fitch
And hit him ere he knew it,
.t He dropped his arrow, for it took
Minnie ball to do it.
Brooklyn Argus.
The editor of Texas newspaper lately
went out with pistol in his hand for
the purpose of indicating his charac-
ter for truth and veracity. It is not
stated whether he succeeded or not
bnt he was soon brought back in @
wheelbarrow, with blanket over him,
as quiet as lamb.
81 WANT you all to understand that
there is to be no levity on the stage to-
night" said the manager of city thea
ter to the supernumeraries as the cur
tain was rung up "What's a levity,
Bill ?" asked one supernumerary Of an
other. CO." said the other, 81 don't
know. Suppose it's a cross tween a
farce and comedy"
Mrs. VAN Corr. says that at one of
her prayer-meetings negro brother
prayed: so Lord, send dy angel to
pin de wings on sister Bancrot's heels,
dat she may fly troo de world preachin'
de everlastin' gospel" And one added,
" Lord give wings on her shoulders,
too, or the preaching will not have
effect, for she'll fly upside down.
ROBINSON CRUsoE AGAIN. 1.-The popu-
lar error that Robinson Crusoe's island
was Juan Fernandez, off the west coast
of South America when the book ex-
pressly declares that it was near the
mouth of the River Orinoco, on the
northeast coast of that continent, and
all the account of the course of the YES
sci before reaching it plainly mentions
places in the Atlantic ocean, and none
I