The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-10-02
FACTS AND FANoIEs.

No young man is proof against n
gum drop when she holds IL between
her teeth and invites him TO tnke n bite.
-" Cuss you, get up % exclaimed n
Philadelphia lady, as no one in a street
car would give her a seat. Then they
had no excuse for making her stand up
longer.
-"Of course we couldnt have him
roaming around here and putting on
congressional airs" says a Nevada pa
per in explaining how a horse thief
came to his end.
Young ladies have broken ont with
an attack of collier that partakes Of the
. nature of table cloth, boiled shirt,
mad freman's cape. IL is worn about
: half way down the back.
Portrait OF Don Carlos: He has
black hair, brown eyes, slightly aqui-
line nose, and black beard, covering the
whole face. he is very handsome. Ho
stands six feet three in his boots.
An enthusiastic admiIer Of Gold
smith Maid has pulled tao hairs from
the great trotter's tail, and intends TO
have them woven into n ring. He
needs plug hat to stow his ears in
If a man is not rising upwards TO
be an angel, depend upon 10 ho is sink
ing down 10 be a devil. lie cannot stop
at the beast. The most savage men are
not beasts-they are wo-se, great deal
worse.
=" Mamma" said little girl,
whats the meaning Of n book being
printed in 12mo ?" "Why, my dear,
replied the mother, cit means that tho
book will be published in twelve
months"
"A rich but parsimonious old gentle
man, on being taken TO task for his I'M
charitableness, said, "True, don't
give much, but if you only knew how
it hurts when 1 give anything you
wouldn't wonder"
When a young lady notices your
shirt button hanging by a single thread
on the ragged edge" OF the button
hole, and calls your attention TO 1t,
don't wait for another hint like that, as
you may never get it,
A Kentucky church has sent two
lady missionaries to the Feeioe islands.
This is very considerate, No doubt tho
cannibals will prefer this sort 10 the
tough old gentlemen who are usually
thrust upon that market.
"A Western farmer complains that a
hook and ladder company has been or
ganized ia his neighborhood. He states
that the ladder is used after night in
climbing into his chicken house, after
which the hooking is done.
-" Mr.. Swelkins, what is a comet ?"
asked the elder Mrs. Swekins. "Noth-
ing but predatory star, with a mucil-
aginous tail, said Mr.. $. "Jane," said
Mrs. S., "git the dictionair aud hunt
f. -. l.. FrN1 al
did talk that way afore we was mar
ried."
If the time ever comes for the ex-
PLANTATION .of the mysteries Of this
world we shall be glad TO know why the
young man who remarks on leaving
church, "I can preach better sermon
than that myself is content 10 wear
out his life over n counter at $50
month.
"A New York paper has the follow
ing among its marine notices "Tho
schooner Albatross was wrecked on tho
coast of Newfoundland on tho lltf
inst, the captain swimming ashore,
and the female cook also, she being in
sured for $4,000, and heavily laden
with iron."
fare the Joneses back ?" inquired
Mr.. Spitkins, who hasn't been out OF
town all summer. Yes'm," replied
the cook, "and Mrs. Brown and tho
children got home from Saratoga this
"Ihen, Mary, you may
open the front shutters" continued
Mrs. s., "and say we've returned too"
Brief colloquy in Texas between a
tourist and a native: "My friend, why
is it everybody in this country thinks It
necessary TO carry one or two reyol-
vers ?" "Well, stranger" said the Tex
an, "you mought travel around here
good long time and not want a'weppon,
but when you do want pistol in this
you want it like hell.
A Chicago reporter went to party
the other day, and was green enough TO
: mark the next morning, that a certain
young lady had the smallest waist in
he room. There is no sense in getting
Trathful with the young man the other
yirls killed him the next day, and they
made him a grave where the sunbsams
-est.
"A married pair were recently di-
,orced by decree of the supreme judi
,ial court of the state Of Maine on the
round of cruelty. The truo reason
vas that he loved flowers, books, poe
nv. pets, and all the beauties OF ma
ure, while she confined her thoughts
oleiy 10 "biled victualB" and the in
erests of the children.
A French court has decided that n
nan may not trade under his own name
vhen that name is maniiesly used TO
induce the public TO think it is that OF
N ld.fashioned firm. Moet, n Dutch
nan, was selling champagne, using the
,rand "Moet & Co." which the we'll
.nown firm "Moet & Chandon" proved
ad led people TO believe was their
7ine. The court ordered Moet 20 dis
ontinue using the title on his wines,
nd fined him 81, 900 damages.