Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-08-05
Humorous.

"A AO11xOx OuSs
Mss. SMITH on THE GRAxaE.-Oh, oh,
so you've been to that old Grange have
you? Pretty time Of night to come
home, isn't it? Midnight if minute !
1 wish the Grange and all the Changers
were blown up.
No, sir, you needn't make any excuse
at all. Business detained you couldn't
leave had to watch at the bedside of
sick brother Sick brother sick fid-
dlesticks sick sister, would be nearer
the truth, I expect, and your poor,
patient wife at home, shaving herself to
death for you to spend your money on
Grange dinners, Grange balls, and what
not. You had far better spend it for
shoes, chignons and ruffs for your suf-
fering family. You've been drinking,
too. Don't tell me you haven't. 1 say
you have so please don't contradict
me again. Wasn't contradicting me ?
Boo hoo Oh, that should have lived
to see the day that my husband should
call me q rogue.
You'll be the death of me yet, and
then what will become Of the children,
when their dear mother is gone and
their father running every night to some
Grange I'm Just mad because you
didn't take me with you, am :? You
asked me to go, did you? No you
didn't. Oh, it's too late to invite me
now. I'll not go a step, no sir, Ill die
first.
And, Smith, I tell you that you've got
to stay at home you shan't go to an
other Grange meeting. Won't ask me?
Ill lock you in q room, and throw the
key in the well I'll cripple the horses,
I'll-Iu do something horrible, or my
name isn't Smith see if 1 don't. Jump
out of the window, will you? No you
won't. I'm not going to have my rights
trampled upon by you, even if you are
a Granger-and I'll not attend to my
own business. If it isn't my business
to know where and how you spend your
time, I'd like to know what it is. I'd
be ashamed to talk to my wife as you
are doing. I'm doing the talking, am
/? I'm not, any such thing. you hate
full scoundrel, you'll If you don't hush,
I'll kick you out of bed, and you may
take up your lodging at the Grange, as
well as your board.
A report was heard-at first it re-
sembled distant thunder, but it was
finally like a heavy body coming in
contact with hard surface.
1t might have been Smith that fell on
the floor, but then it might not.
HAIR BREADTH 'SCAPE.-Seabriggin
has an old friend, q farmer, who was
many years ago driving his team to-
wards Andover, Massachusetts,. The
condition of the roads was such that
the traveller was much belated, and the
night being very dark and stormy, and
he not familiar with the way, was not
only anxious about reaching his point
of destination, but, being in possession
of a large Ito him) sum of money with
which he proposed making his pur-
chases, was unnecessarily very nervous
in regard to his personal safety, fearing
that some one knowing his financial
condition might have followed him. He
had reached a very lonely place on the
road when he was Unexpectedly accosted
by gruff voice, with
"Say, neighbor, are you going to hand
over ?"
Each individual hair on the farmers
head stuck out like ''the quills of the
fretful porcupine," as he stammered
out, his teeth chattering like pair of
castinets.
''Oh the Lord preserve us don't,
don't kill me, stranger take what 1
have but spare my life !"
"What the d is the matter with
the gentleman ?" cried the stranger,
who, with an English aspiration added,
81 only asked you h'if you were going
to h'Andover -
DANBURY Neps: "Have We letther
for Bridget Murphy?" NO" said the
Danbury Postmaster, the other after
noon .@a %or for aah Kate Murphy NO" 10
Michael aIlun Murphy yP'p"s ," aNo." "0r i Teddy
Murphy ?" mo" "Or Tim Murphy?"
mo; no letters here for anybody
named Murphy" "Fhat Post Officel"
exclaimed Mrs. Murphy, taking her
leave. And II wonder whether Tim
Murphy was the baby" cogitated the
Postmaster, as he noted her heavy
hearted departure.
LITTLE fve-year-old Annie, who was
suffering from bad cold, went to pay
a visit to auntie. During the day she
related her various successes at school,
and ended by declaring that she could
read a great deal better than Sabina,
who was eight years old. "Weil,
questioned auntie, would it not sound
better if some one else said it ?" eyes,
answered Annie, with a very sober
countenance, 81 thiuk it would" L
have such bad cold that l can't say it
very WELL"
QUISISE biscuit Is the lates. novelty
to the medical pastry line. Each biscuit
contains One-fOurth Of q grain of
quinine, and the taste is so concealed
that hearty individual can put them
down until the hair on the back of his
head begins to curl, without knowing
what ne is taking. Mex. We shall have
castor oil sponge cake and squill
doughnuts.
A CoUSTRYMAN with his bride stopped
at Troy hotel the other day. At din
ner, when the waiter presented a bill of
fare, the young man inquired, Whats
that ?" That's bill of fare" said the
waiter. The countryman took it in his
hand, looked inquiringly at his wife,
and finally dove down into his pocket,
and insinuatingly inquired, How much
is il 2"
A PRISONER in England, when called
upon by the alderman for defense, said : |
1--WE ordered a lawyer for tomorrow,
and 1 hope your worship will be so good
as to pu. it off till he comes"
"Why, what can your lawyer say
about it?"
ssThat's what T want tn know vour