Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-12-09
Humorous.


GONE HOME THE BxANs ARE BURN
a."-One Sunday morning q family
living in the suburbs of tie city went
to suburban church, leaving q little
girl about seven years of az and q boy
about twelve years of age in Charge OF
the house. The church was Situated
but q short distance from the house.
The family were to have beans for
dinner, and these were left In q vessel
on the stove to cook. The little girl.
while playing, suddenly began to smell
the odor of burnt beans, upon which
she rushed out of the house over into
the church where the pastor was
gravely and earnestly preaching the
profound word of God. The first per-
son of the family the little girl espied
was young lady cousin, and to her, in
q loud voice, which startled the assem-
blage considerably. she cried, ''Come
home, come home, the beans are burn
ing," and Immediately rushed out
again. The astonishment was great,
and all the solemnity of the preacher,
as well as of the congregation, disap-
peared beneath a broad smile at the
righteousness of the matter.
THERE are some women who will do
anything for their husbands, lending q
helping hand on all occasions where
their assistance is needed. A man in
Kensington attempted to commit sui
eide by drowning in six inches of water,
but he soon found it impossible to
keep his head under long enough to
strangle. What did his wife do in this
dilemma2 Did she leave him to suffer
Not much. Like a true and noble
what do you call it?-she just w.led
in and sat down on his head, and made
it stay by sheer force of muscle. That's
the kind of wife to have-if you want
to die.
A COLLEGE professor encouraged his
geology class to collect specimens, and
one day they deposited piece of brick
streaked and stained, with their collec-
tions, thinking to impose on the doctor
Taking up the specimens, the professor
remarked, "This is a piece of baryta
from the Cheshire mines" Holding up
another, This is piece of feld-spar
from the Portland quarries, and this,
coming to the brick, sis a piece of i'm
pudence from some member of the
class"
MooKINe birds can initiate human
actions as we'll as human voices it
seems. A Macon (Ga.) paper says that
two pets of this stripe got jealous of
each other, and undertook to fight it
out in desperate fashion. One of them,
getting enough of it, sang out, "Quit,
quit" and followed this up by crying
police, police" And oddly enough
there was policeman within hearing,
who came up and stopped the fight.
A MISSISSIPPI boatman with immense
feet, stopping at a public house on the
levee, asked the porter for a boot jack
to pull off his boots. The colOred
gentleman after examining the strangers
feet, broke ont as follows mo jack
here big nuff for dem feet. Jackass
couldn't pull 'em off, massa, widout
fractring the leg. Yuse better go back
about tree miles to de forks IN de road,
an pull 'em off dar."
"CRUsADE. "A gentleman who Wis
tied a soda fountain with his wife, said
he'd take "crusade" syrup in his, when,
much to his horror, his wife said she'd
take Crusade" syrup too. But the
wicked man winked to the druggist,
and his poor wife was soon wincing
under the tOrtures of hot ginger, while
he was enjoying his brandy favored
soda.
A MAN travelling along one day,
picked up a feather in the road and put
1t In his pocket; when night came, he
carefully placed his feather under him,
limbs. In the morning he arose, and
cycling his bed exclaimed "Begora,
If one feather is SO hard what would
whole bedfull be ~
/ IT Is A curious fact that while busi-
ness of every kind is depressed and the
wages of labor are being considerably
reduced, the price of billiards, and
boiled chestnuts, and opera tickets, and
horse hire, and sleeve buttons, and
deviled crabs, and other necessaries of
life, remain unchanged.
A SENSATION novelist speaks of ga
wife OF three years standing" 1t is
replied that man who keeps his wife
standing three years must be a brute.
His case does not seem to be more
aggravated than that of a woman who
keeps half a dozen men dancing"
attendance on her.
"WHAT should a man do?" asked a
1 ryanf1npaon of n loAu GUhon ha has N
opportunity to correspond with charm
ing woman, but. being bachelor, is
little afraid of such business ?" 81