The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-03-27
PACT AND FANnY.

-" All right, old boss, I'll be there"
be hanged.
l am no herald TO inquire OF mems
pedigrees; II suficeth me 10 know their
virtues.-Sir r.. Sydney.
"A lady asked a veteran which riae
carried the maximum distance. The
old chap answered, "The MIME num-"
When the waiter passed. Spicsr
some very old cheese st the hotel table.
the other day, he responded mot
mite"
I'm Naples barber will shave, cnt
hair, comb, brush, black boots, and give
you a cigar and call it square for ten
cents.
New York Commercial "Cnrious-
ly enough, il was az Wagga-Wagga that
the Tchborne tale was first set in mo-
tion."
M. Normaud. the architect Of tho
new Vendome column in Paris promises
to have the monument ready on the lst
of June.
"A man writes tc an editor for 81.
"because lie Is so internally short"
and he gets in reply the heartless re-
sponse, 3" DO as l do, stand up on a
chair"
"A kentucky paper apologies for
having spoken of the red-headed,
malignant mule who dispenses the
county money" by saying that it wrote
"Big-hearted, valiant soul. ="
-" What is heavens best Gift
man?" asked a young lady SaDday
night, smiling swCetly on pleasant
looking clerk. a boss, replied the
young man, with great prudence.
1t is proposed to prevent the nui-
sancc to railroad travellers arising from
the smoke and fine ashes from the loco
motive, by attaching a pipe 10 the
smoke stack TO carry the smoke 10 tie
end of the train.
Said Lord John Russell TO Hume, at
a social dinner "What do you consider
the object of legislation q "The great
est good TO the greatest number"
"What do You consider the greatest
number ?" continued his lordship.
Number one, my lord, was the COM
moner's prompt reply.
The following atrocious paragraph
appears in an exchange dorothy
Williams, Of Wyoming, started 10 walk
three miles TO church the other Sunday,
and they found her torn into about fifty
pieces, the result of meeting a bear
whose moral character was at low
state"
-Tennyson has been engaged on an
ode Of welcome 60 the duchess Of Ediu-
burg. From the manuscript which he
sent us TO revise, we have taken tie
liberty of erasing the third stnnza,
which was as follows:
~ The birds and bees and wind swept trees
To praise thee shall cousprc,
With voices born from frozen rots@-
Marian o Maiiar.'
"A fine equestrian painting, nine 10y
seven feet, reprcs cuting the last meeting
between Gems. II. l.. lee and Stonewall
on the day before the battle of
@ ancelloTsville, painted by T.. B. o.
Julio, of New Orleans, is on exhibition
at Richmond. IL is valued 40 $4,000,
and will be presented 10 tho Lee Memo
rial Chapel, at Lexington.
-" You see, grandmamma, we porfor-
ate an aperture in the apex and COR
aperture in the base, and
by applying the egg 60 the lips, and
forcibly inhaling the breath, the shell
is entirely discharged OF it's contents"
- Bless my soul, 4" cried the old lady,
81 what wonderful improvements they
they do make ! Now, in my younger
lays, we just made n role in each end
and sucked"
An exchange tells MS that n school
boys toothache generally commences
at 8 a. M, reaches its highest altitude
lt quarter 10 Q, when the pain is in
,ense TO an extraordinary degree com
nences to subside at 9, and after that
disappears with n celebrity that must be
very comfortable 10 the sufferer. If nc
night that boy hasn't got four quarts Of
Ralnuts spread ont to dry, mp stairs, 10
= because there is no place up stairs to
10 it.
The number Of officers Of foreign
birth in our regular army is 2ii. OF
hese Ireland claims tue majority over
my, ninety tx; Germany ranks next,
orty-five while England has ten less
han the latter figure or those who
lave risen from the ranks, one hundred
nd eight are Americans forty -four
rish and twenty-thrcc Germans. Thus
s the majority Of mcritorious enlisted
regulars" of Americ n birth, contrary
o the generally-received opinion.
North Adams has tailor long
nown for his keen, pul gent wit. Not
ong since a wcll-known clergyman call
d at his shop with pair Of pantalOOnR,
nd asked him if they could be repaired.
The knight OF the shears unrolled them,
eld them mp in the most artistic man
er, carefully OK, mined them, and re-
lied Yes, yes the knees are the
est part of them" The reverend gen
eman saw the joke, smiled blandly,
nd gracefully bowed himself out.