The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-03-20
zone Female 0Oppyst. i"

] OAS 1OAotO SOPPJ0"
They found her in the Interior De-
partment in the Office of the Fifth Aud
itor She has been there all the time.
| While the American people were wait
! inc for her TO be produced; while Con-
press wrung its hands and walled that
! She could not be discovered, and while a
fierce and eager Committee went prane-
ing through all the departments with
telescope and microscope, shOt-guns and
fishing tackle, hunting for her as the
Senate hunts for evidence when there's
ANYBODY to be vindicated- there she sat
in the Interior Department in the office
of Fifth Auditor Ella, on high stool at
desk, calmly and deliberately sucking
the life-blOOd of the Republic-if We
may be allowed the expreSsiOn-and
daily running the nation deeper and
deeper in debt. She is female eopyist.
As such she has been drawing pay. She
is the only person in the Civil Service
of this great and glorious Republic who
can be dispensed with. Think OF II
mOment-Or, if you have plenty OF timeI
fifteen or twenty mOments-in all the
departments at Washington only one
supernumerary, and she female copy
isti They searched with lighted candles
through all of them; they summoned
secretaries and chief clerks and heads OF
bureaus; they brought in some of the
ablest officers OF the Government from
the billiard saloon in the neighbOrhOod
of the Departments, and they questioned
them vigorously aud closely rs to the
possibility of retrenchment by reduction
of force. The belief that somebody was
drawing pay whose services could just
as well be dispensed with, amounted
. Ala nd #
Congress to q conviction. Else why
was there deficiency and an increase
of the National Debt?
The pursuit of this person was fierce
and eager. 1t was suspected at one
time that il might be a man. But in
none of the departments could there be
found 4 man who did not support the
Administration and 90 home regularly
on a furlough TO vote. The men who
did the work of the departments could
not be spared, and the men who sat up
on high stools and used quill tooth
picks, and discussed National politics
with each other i'm the various DEPART
ments, were Indispensable. Without
them the machinery of Government
would hardly run. They oil it. They
regresent Congressional districts in
all parts of the Union, and their infiu-
ence is felt at every election. Without
them a great many members of Congress
would be obliged to remain at home,
and the country would be at the mercy
of almost anybody the people might
take a notion to elect. The cOnse-
quences of dismissing such men would
be unreasonable. IL is doubtful If the
country would survive it. And yet the
fact remained that somebody was draw
! ing pay whose services might be dis
I Ir. Ffaa
posel to hunt him or her down. The
| hour of their triumph came. They had
secured the departments in vain for
days, but now, in the Interior Depart
ment, in the office of Fifth Auditor Ella,
/ they scent their quarry. Fifth Auditor
\ Ella had one female copyist whom he
could get along without. He confessed
/ it. Very likely he pointed her out.
And the search ended.
as Mr.. Matt. Carpenter aroused the
enthusiasm Of the Senate by his discOv-
cry of the great stationery robbery by
the representatives Of the press, so the
/ Committee and the country have been
thrilled by this successful pursuit of the
female copyist. When Mr.. Carpenter
threw himself back in his seat, shook
the wild tangles of his frosty hair, and
electrified the Senate with the announce
ment that he had found where S35 46 of
the peoples money had gone, it was felt
that il was n step in the right direction,
and that if things kept on at that rate it
would very shortly happen that all the
J leaks would be stopped, and Mr.. Rich
ardsOn would resume the payment of
!. the National Debt. But the work did
not stop there. The Committee on APP
} preparations OF the House, emulous of
Carpenters success, redoubled their dill
igence in pursuit of the man or woman
who could be dismissed from the public
service without imperiling the Govern
ment. And so the work of retrench-
ment goes bravely on. The female
cOpyist has no vote. Doubtless she did
nothing but sit at desk and write all
day, taking no interest in politics and
only earning n living for herself. The
prOpriety of discharging her no able
bodied man who sits on a high stool and
picks his teeth with q quill aud talks
politics in any of the departments will
for one moment question.
And now we suggest that this thing
has been carried far enough. This pur-
suit of economy cannot be other than
very wearing to the health of Congress.
/ They discovered where S3j 46 went and
have stopped the leak. And they have
found where the force in the depart
ments can be reduced by the discharge
of one female cOpyist. The people are
not unreasonable i'm their demands.
This will answer for the present. Now
let Congress order some slOops of war
and some public buildings, and provide
for some railroads to the Pacific, and adj
ljourn.-N. y. Tribune.