Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1874-01-03
nLrs. squiIs, Mother objeets to

Il made Mrs. Sqsills as mad a
forty.fhe other ui8hf." said Squills
81 had 1eft my htch-key at hOmt
and hadC rezring theOld lady out o
bed.,'
Il hated 70 o{lo az, of course" said
Squills; "but Il could not rOost out
all night 0A EIle door mat, and when
she came down she looked the re.
verse OfFosF, tell YOU"
"It's extfaordinary, Mr.. Squills,
YOU can shifIk of your latch-key.-
Making mc'e0pe down night after
night',-she-hsd done il for a
| year, said Ills, waking me out
of my first &eep, and catching my
death Of cold and blowing nv nose
1 halfoff with &c rheumatism"
- tried to look as sorry as if she
had lost her laeth-key, and knocked
me out of bed instead, - said Squills.
49, Never mind, Mr.. Squills; only
Waittill dear baby catches the con-
fsamptioD, and then you'll wish
5ph'd never seen q latch-key, per-
fhaps.p
is&Catching what, my love?"
r"COnsumptiOn, Mr.. Squills.-
Latch-keys have brought more
blessed babies 10 their latter ends
than you dream of, Mr.. Squills, and
L only hope my nose won't strike in
to baby's lungs and carry her of,
that's all"
81 hoped she would not be alb
Quoted in that way" said Squills,
''and then | saw L was in for il. So,
when got up stairs, pulled of my
coat and boots, put on my dressing
gown, lighted my pipe, drew my
chair up to the fire, and sat down to
wait for the hurricane. 1t wasn't
long coming. She was sitting bolt
upright in bed against the pillows,
and knew that meant fight"
"Mr. Squills, I'm sorry you
bought mutton for tomorrow"
"Why. my lover"
"You know mother never touches !
mutton. What's that, sir Shy a /
cold tater at her and let her gO.' |
No, Mr.. Squills, l shall not let her /
go and | shall not shy a cold tater at |
her. 1 suppose you learn that dis
gushing vulgarity at the lodge. a 4
pretty thing, indeed! A man who |
calls himself respectable, telling the
wife of his bosom to shy a cold .
'tater' at her own mother. I'd have /
you know, Mr.. Squills, that my
mother isn't that kind of q woman;
you can't shy cold potatoes at her
with impunity, and, what's more,
you shan't."
"NOr roast mutton either" said.
"My family wasn't raised on cold
potatoes in old Virginia, Mr.. Squills
your family was. What's
the matter with mutton? Ask your
own heart, Mr.. Squills, if you have
4 heart. You know you might as
well set her down to a mess of wool.
And then, as if that was not cruel
enough, you want me TO shy cold
potatoes at her. What's that you
say about rip Mr.. Squills? Did
you dare say to 1et her rip?'"
81 tried to put in here and
explain" said Squills, "that l was
only getting off Rip Van Wrinkles
Joke and that Ididn't mean anything
PERSONAL but il wasn't of any use.
She had got her Shenandoah away
up, and that isn't stopable, you
know, 'in ono of the first fami-
les"
"Don't insult me with your beast
Iy jokes, sir. Can you look that
dear infant in the face, Squills, after
telling her mother to throw pota-
toes at her grandmother, and to 'let
her rip all because she don't like
wool for dinner? And she shan't
eat it, sir. No, sir; not ifI die for
It the next instant, Squills. She
shall have a.Can of oysters and box
Of sardines all to her dear old self in
the kitchen, and I'd like to see you
throw a cold potato at her"
This kind ofargument was un-
said SQHilis- "se =aas
ind smoked my pipe and she sub
sided. just as [ was getting into
bed, she looked up and said, /" Mr..
Squills, don't forget to bolt the
loo :"
"The next day, Sunday, don't
know where it came from, but
here was a turkey on the table, and
Mrs. Squills and the dear old party
rom the Shenandoah valley were
I'll as smiling rs you please.
never said mutton once" said
Squills.