Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1874-07-31
Odds and Ends.

"Change cars" is what q city boot
black said to a countryman the other
day when he had finished blacking
one of his brogans.
'Had you, sir" said Henry Erskine
to dllatory carpenter, "been to build
the ark, we should not have had the
Flood yet"
go, George, your sister is nice girl
but she does dress her head up SO"
''Yes," said George; ''but it is the fash
on; there's nothing in it, you know"
A farmer gives this bit of advice,
which contains good hint: ''1f you
want the boys to stay on the farm,
don't bear on too hard when the boy
is turning the grindstone."
An old veteran was relating his ex-
ploits to crowd of boys, and mention
ed having been in five engagements.
"That's nothing" broke in little fell
low, "my sister Agnes has been engag-
ed eleven times"
| a district schoolmaster in one of the
upper counties of Michigan was asked
what algebra he preferred, and he re-
piled, "Oh, | amt particular-most
any kind that will just peel the hide
when you strike"
At the Jardin d'Acclimation at Paris,
has just been received a very extraor-
dinary animal in the shape of a min
iature elephant, perfectly white, and
Of the race which the Indians former
| ly worshipped as gods.
Darwin acknowledged himself sold
when his little niece asked him, seri-
ously, what cat has that no other
animal has. He gave it up, after
mature deliberation, and the sly little
puss answered.: 'Kittens."
A timid man wants to know chow
to tell mad dog" We don't know
what he wants to tell him, but the
safest way would be to communicate
with the dog in writing. Send the
letter from gun in the shape of wad-
ding, followed by small shot to see if
he gets it.
DR.. Kirk has received letter from
Lieutenant Cameron, dated FEBRUARY
25, 1874, announcing his safe arrival
at Ujiji. Lieutenant Comeron in his
letter says: II hear from the people
here that the Lualaba from Nyangwe
goes into the Mwootawzige or Bahari
Unyoro, SO that it must be the Nile
arter all
A minister Of West Anstruther ap-
pealed to Sir Robert Anstruther, who
was an extensive heritor in that parish,
to assist IN putting stove in the
church, which be said the congregation
found very cold. "Cauld, sir! cauldw
Sir Robert exclaimed; ''then warm
them with your doctrine, sir. John
Knox never asked for stove in his
kirk"
\ Paisley printer, afflicted with the
''last infirmity of noble minds" forsook
his trade to share in the glories of
Nelson. Soon after he was afoat, he
was, one black, stormy night, ordered
aloft. The poor fellow, instead of at
once throwing himself into the shrouds,
| lOohSu u u III Win uISlllttS W CIIt Oll1CeIy
and exclaimed, sod, man, it wad be
tempting of Providence to gang ap
there on sic night"
The Hartford Courant is a model
of gentle humility, and says, "We re-
gret to say jealousy has risen in the
breasts of the Hill trout fishers in re-
gard to the alleged catch of twenty
pound trout by Mr.. Samuel G. Dun
ham in the Adirondacks. We are re-
quested to make Il trifling correction
in our statement. The fish was lake
trout, which fact was left to be infer
red. 1t weighed only fifteen pounds.
1t was not caught by Mr.. Dunham.
We will make any other corrections
desired"
1t is related of Wharton, the Pro-
fessor of Poetry at Oxford, that, after
partaking Of a Sunday dinner with
friend, he repaired to his service at the
church. On his way he was power
fully saluted with the cry of olive
mackerel!' During the singing Of the
psalm, he slumbered in the pulpit, and
on the organ ceasing he arose half a.
wake, and, instead, Of commencing the
prayer, startled the congregation By
i giving in loud voice part Of the cry
still ringing in his ears-"All alive,
all alive, O.'