Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-29
MATRIMONIALITIES.
His Face Pricked Her.

And ~sspen-lesves SILVER,
And purmuriDg river flow on As of yors;
But w two that sever
Shall mee' again never,
But part here forever by shingle and shore.
Ry love and by duty,
By 10Y and bv beauty,
You swore TO be true TO the love that I gave;
But your love was a lie, sir,
And I'd rather die, sir,
Than marry a miser too s.ingy to shave.
A Hartford bride writes to say
that a wedding trip in a Pullman
car is the summit of human bliss.
"Straw weddings" are talked Of
among the farmers Of Pennsylvania.
The straw will probably imply tick.
Five times John Happy, of Yer
mont, has been engaged to one girl,
and he has not made her Happy
yet.
There is an old maid in Lowell,
Mass, who shows the documents to
prove that she has refused over forty
offers Of marriage.
The Peoria woman who wanted
to throw herself into her husbands
grave q few months ago has just
married a lightning-rod man.
Marriages made in heaven have
long been unsatisfactory to fashion,
able mothers. The matchmaking
business will be carried on extern
sively at Saratoga, Newport, and
Long Branch this season.
An elderly clergyman Of Chicago,
when asked the other day why he
had never married, replied that he
had spent his life in looking for q
a woman who should refrain from
working him a pair of slippers, and
he had never found her.
One who makes human nature a
study says that when o girl takes
her handkerchief and moistening it
with her lips wipes a black spot of
a Young mans nose, q wedding be-
tween the parties Is inevitable.
A young fellow living near Bow
ling Green, NO., got into a tight
place the other day by marrying a
girl not yet thirteen years old. The
girls father and brothers tarred and
feathered him and then rode him
on a rail out Of the county.
1t is not uncommon in giving ad-
vice to newly married young ladies,
who marry poor young men, to al
Jude to the fact that Eve married q
gardener; but they don't say any,
thing about the gardener losing his
situation on account of that match.
"Dear George" said an Indiana
polls young woman, ~ am willing
to marry you If we have to live on
bread and water" DWELL" said the
enthusiastic George, "yau furnish
the bread and I'll skirmish round
and find the water"
He has applied for a divorce, al
leging that about a year ago she had
hei oOachman drive her over to Jer-
sey, then sold carriage and horses
and with the proceeds and the
coachman took an extended jaunt.
She r~esists, her LAWYER assuring her
that she Ear drive a coach and four
right through his bill. There will
be what the Elder Weller called "a
sudden pull up" for some party
when the master in chancery gets
hold of the facts.
A young Sacramento woman sued
for a divorce from her husband, but
according to her way of thinking
her attorney was too slow, as she
was in haste to marry a resident of
Gold Hill. A second lawyer was
engaged ; the first discharged ; the
divorce procured, and the parties
mentioned united in wedlock. The
happy couple, when about to depart
from the city, were stopped by an
attachment upon the newly-made
husband by the first lawyer to Sc
cure legal fees.
Macoupin county, H., has its ro-
nance, too. A farmers daughter
there, pretty and only seventeen
years of age, fell desperately in
love with a man nearly eighty, and
the deluded damsel was 80 persist
ent in her wooing that the old gen.
tleman, though weak and feeble,
promised to marry her. On the
morning of the appointed day, how
ever, the h~esitating lover desired to
postpone the ceremony, claiming
that he lacked strength to
go through with it. He pleaded in
vain. "If you can stand l will
marry you," exclaimed the impetu-
JUS beauty, and she did.
She suspected and went to her hus-
bands office. He was alone, and
all seemed right, but she was not to
be fooled. She waited. There was
a soft tap at the door. She opened
it. There Were a few words, q
scrimmage, female screams, and
sounds of little feet scampering
rapidly down stairs. Then she
came in again and tainted. Then
he, who had been quietly smoking
all the while, got up and went out.
He locked the door after him. He
overlook the frail but fair one, and
walked off with her. Chicago, Of
course.
The suggestion that the law of
marriage in this country, II we are
to have any at all, should be nation
al and uniform, is q sensible one. |
As the marriage laws and the deci-
sions of Courts now are in the sew. |
eral States, there is no such thing Is
knowing certainly when the par.
ties are married, or how much mar
ried they are, or how long they
can stay married, or what the con.
sequences of the relation may be.
Divorce in n State is Of one sort,
and in another of . very different
sort, and what constitutes . valid
marriage I'm New York isn't ttworth
shucks" in New Jersey. Under
the laws as they now are, . man
might have two or half q dozen
wives at q time, provided he
keeps them in different States, and
he might by removing himself into
one where none Of them are kept,
very soon relieve himself Of ali
marital obligations. In New York
the Courts have recently decided,
In one case, that q woman may
compel two men to support her Is .
wife, while she lives with . third,
and supports herself and him with
the money she legally collects from