The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1874-02-19
NV DEAF, WIFE AND AUNT.
rTf~ FEfgr&+-& TfFA

MY DEAF WIFE AND AUNT.
lad d aunt ii 4 coming @iin to visit msfor hedrst
time since my, marriage, and ! don't know
what evil genius prompted the wickedness
which perpesrsted toward my vile anu an
elsas stEagaS ssias"' saia tos myswise on the day
before nv aunt's arrival, "you know Aunt
Mary is coming. .to-nlorrowjswell, forgot. TO
mention aurather annoying circumstance Win
rsaara to her. She Is very deaf; and although
she can hear my voice, yet you VIII ee oohgea
To soeak extremely loud in order to be heard.
ItWiIl be rasaer inconvenient, butI know you
will d., everything in your power 70 MAKE nef
visit agreeable"
to make herself heard, if it was in her pow
er.
I then went to John N, who loves
Joke about as vel. as any body know OF, ana
told him to be in the house at P. m: tne
following evening, and felt comparatively
happy. :, 80, oorr;ooo
next night and when I was on my way home
with INV aunt, said: "My dear aunt, there
is one rather annoying infrmity that Annie
lmy-wife) has, which I forgot to mention
befa-a. She Is very deaf, and although she
can hear NV voice, to which she is accustomed,
in its ordinary tones yet you viii be 0ollged 70
speak extremely loud in order to be heard.
am sorry for it."
.NfSsnt iMary, in the goodness of her. heart,
protested that she rather liked speaking aloud,
and to do. so would afford her great pleas
The carriage drove UPON the steps was my
wi wiiffeM9in lin the window was John N---, Win
face as utterly solemn as if he had buried MS
relatives that afternoon.
'esI am delighted to see you, snrlekes my
wife. and the policeman On the opposite slde
.,vas startled. aud my aunt nearly fell down the
steps,
the windows shook as if with the fever and
asle. / looked at the window; John had dis
Snpeared. Human nature could stand it no
longer. poked my head into the carriage and
went into strong convulsions.
when Event Unto the parior my wife was
helping Aunt Mary to take off her hat and
cape and there sat John with his face buried
II. his. handkerchief. -,
5'S"Did YOU have pleasant journey?" sudden
" went off my wife like pistol, and John
nearly Jumped, to his feet. ~ s~
"Rather dusty, was the response, in war
whoop, and the conversation continued.
nSiQRDUES
heard it. when I was in the third story of
the building heard every word.
In the course Of tlies egening Emy aunt took
occasion to saw to me: "How loud your wife
falksw - n.Ee a-itP =. 49,. ers'E
= + told her deaf persons talked loudly, and
F,at my wife, being used TO it, was not affected
by the exertion, and that she was getting along
very nicely with her.
s Presently my wife said softly-"Alf, bow
load Youraunt talks p
AraYes,,' said I; "all deaf persons do. You're
getting along. with her finely, though ); she
hears every word you say" And 1 rather
think she did.
Exalted at their success Of being understood,
they went it hammer and tongs, till everything
on the mantel-piece clattered again, and was
seriously afraid of crowd collecting in front
of the house,
But the end was near. Ny aunt being of an
investigating turn of mind, was desirous of
finding out whether the exertion of talking was
INJURIOUS to my wife. So-"Doesn't talking
50 loud strain your lungs ?" said she, in an un-
earthly whoop, for her voice was not as musical
as it was when she was young.
gItis.an axeEEions'' sshrieked my wife.
ssThen why do you do it? was the answer
ing scream. ,. , SO r
don't" &Y saStNFs
"What r. said aunt rivaling railroad whis-
tie aSsthet time. = skfT<, ~
began to think it time to evacuate the
prembess aud looking arpundantfs seeing John
gone, Istepped into the back parlor, and there
he lay fat on his back, with his feet at right
angles with his body, rolling from side to side
with his fist poked into his ribs, and most
agonizsd exp-ession of countenance, but not
uttering assound. Immediately and invol,in-
-tarily assumed similar attitude, and I think
from the relative position of our feet and heads
and our attempts to restrain our laughter, apo
,plexy mnst inevitably have ensued, if q horri-
Bile. groan which John gave vent to in his
endeavor to suppress his visibility had not be-
1srayed our hiding place.
TN rushed my wife and aunt, who by this
time comprehended the joke, and such scold-
ing as I got then never got before, and hope
never to get again 49,. -.
i / know notswhat the end would have been
If John, in his endeavors to be respectful and
sympathetic, had not given vent to such q
croan and hoarse laugh that all gravity was
upset. and we screamed in concert.
know it was wrong, and all that, to tell
such a. falsehood, ,ybut L think that Mrs: Opie
herself would haves laughed if she had seen
Aunt Mary's expression when she was informed
that her hearing was defective.
"A sign on an eating house on the New
Jersey Railways: Coffee and eggs fresh laid by
Mary Jones.
IF you are poor, be willing to appear so.
Those whose friendship is worth possessing will