davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04
BUDGET OF FUN.
abe Provisions, Josiah. "---Ilsa About Civi
Rights.

Rights.
sapicnt looking Fayetteville darkey, os
cillating between twenty and twenty-five sum
mers, overlook an old negro on the street the
other day, and wedging him in fence cor
ner, proceeded to acquaint him with al tne
gorgeous provisions of the Civil Rights Bill
Young Africa impaired TO old Africa iund
of valuable information, thusly:
We'll, Uncle Billy, Summers swivel rights
hill has passed de Senate OBJ dc United States
without murmur.'
is dat so, Josiar?'
Jess, so, Uncle Billy And say, Uncle
Billy, we colorcd pussonsi is gwine to be allow
ed to ride free on de railroads, smoke in de
ladies' car, and put our feet on dc pcrcussions
OBJ de seats whenebcr wed am please
rs dat so, Josiah?
Jess, so, Uncle Billy And say, Uncle
Billy, we's gwine to be allowed to stop at de
hotels, and eat at dc head oh de table, and
hab de biggest slices of de chickens, and lay
around in de parlor and spit on de carpets,
and make de white trash hustle themselves
and wait on us widout grumblin, and when
ever lie boss OF de concern shoves bill at
us, we'll hab him sent to Washington and OBJ.
scured in the plenipotentiary
rs dat so, Josiar?'
Jess so, Uncle Billy And say, Uncle
Billy, we's gwine to be allowed to 20 to de
white schools and set up on de tlattorm wild
de teacher, and learn gchography, trigger
manom etry, gehominy, Latin Dutch, French,
Choctaw, algebray, rheumatics, de rule at
thrice, and lie diarrhea.'
Good God is dat so, losiahP p
Jess so, Uncle Billy. And say, Uncle BIZ
", wes gwnc to be allowed to be buried in
talic collins wild looking-glasses on top Oh
dem, and dey will hab to carry us on hearse
to de grade yard and bury us on top 90 dc
white folks, SO when de day OBJ resurrection
am arrived and de angel Gabriel come tootin'
along, he'll sing out troo his trumpet: All
you colored gemmen rise fustn And say,
Uncle Bill, de provisions oh dat bill
What's dat you say bout provisions, Josiar?
We'll, Uncle Billy, as was gwine on to
state, de provisions oh dat bill -
Stop right dare, Joslar. You say dare's
pervisions in dat billy
Jess So Uncle Billy. De pervisious oh de
bill
Stop right dare, Josiar. Eff dare's pcrvi
sions in. dat bill, want a sack ob flour dis
berry minnit. Dam de smokin' in de ladies
car and de gehography, and Latin, and de
italics coffins want de provisions, Josiar
Dey's all dcre is in de bill wutf Il cent,-F"y
tttecWe (Gd.) Express.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

One Sunday, not long since, one OF our
most stylish young ladies waltzed into church
with that inimitable grace that is at once the
peculiarly and the charm of the female de
nomination. AS she took her seat, by little
behlndhand movement she arranged her
overshirt and then settled herself to mediate
upon how she looked, and to observe what
the other girls had on. The services con
cluded, she arose to 90 out Alas for human
hopes. That last touch on the overskirt was
too much; she threw it too high, and there it
rested on an old mutt, which was serving as
a hustle. SO the wretched girl wiggled away,
unconscious of the joy that filled the hearts
of the other girls who saw it.--EGctdRge.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

An Alabama man advertises: Prepare at
once to get one of my Pictorial Home Bibles.
have the best umbrellas for buggies. Also,
another good thing, cucumber pumps. The
best of all is the American Cistern Filter.
The people want my patent coffee pots these
hard times Select styles of gentlemen's silk
hats, dress patterns, sewing machines, kero-
sene oil, non-explo i've lamps, pianos organs,
harness jcwelry, etc Give me call He
will be hard to please who cannot be suited
at this establishment
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

DIssoLvED-A Dutchman, the other day,
reading an account of a meeting, came to the
words, The meeting then dissolved He
could not define the meaning of the latter, so
he referred to his dictionary, and was salts.
fed In few minutes II friend came in
when Hans said:
'Dey must have hot veddcr in New York
ret an ACCOUNT of meeting were all dere
becblcs melted away
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

A young lady who prides herself on her
propriety lately wrote home to her parents
regarding her boarding.schocl associates.
She said: The girls are awful slangy one
of them told me the first day | came here
that | had better walk off on my ear Inc
little chit. felt just like putting a tin ROOF
on her. And they use such disgusting
phrases as you bet and bully l have
pitched into them several times, for their
Slang, but they tell me to cheese it, and if
they go on in this way, shall 'git up and
git, you bet
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

MISPLACED COSFIDENCE.-lAe Galcna cdi
tor who published that funny thing about the
Sunday-school superintendent remark to his
scholars about the steamer dld rot remember
how good the original was, written by Mark
Twain, and published three years ago in Lon
don. II is rs follows:
Just about the close If that long, hard
winter said the Sunday school superinten-
dent, as / was vending toward my duties one
brilliant Sabbath morning, ] glanced down
toward the levce. and there lay the Ciy 81
Hutford steamer, No mistake about it:
there she was, putting and painting after her
long pilgrimage through the Ice. \ glad
sight? Well, should say So and then
came pang right away. because / should
have to instruct empty benches, sure: the
Youngsters would all be eff welcoming the
first steamboat of the season. You can mag
inc how surprised | was when | opened the
door and saw half the benches full. My
gratitude was free large, and sincere. l re
solved that they should not find me unappTe-
ciative. | said, BOYS, you can not think how
proud it makes me 10 see you here, nor what
renewed assurance :, gives me of your siioc
ton. i confess that said TO myself as |
came along and saw that the Clgef Hartford
vas in No jltt Is she d0Ygiy' And. rs
quick as any fash Of lightning, stood in the
presence Of empty benches! | had brought
them the news nyself'-HGrper's foryUiy.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

At public gathering lately, one of the gen
tlemcn present was called upon for 4 speech
and this is how he responded: 'Gcntlcmer
and women, | amt no speechcr Morer
twenty Yeas back came here Il poor idiot
boy, and now what are IL
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

A 'SpoRT.'-The following dialogue, which
took place in a street car few days ago, is
too good to be lost One of couple of leu.
tonic gentlemen sitting in one end of the car
seeing 'hashily' dressed fellow come in and
take his seat at an opposite emo from where
they wern sitting, asked: who ish dat,
Hans? oh, dat is sphort, hey" What
YOU call sphort hey| 'Tont you know
NO, vat is he p Vel, he is one of der tellers
vat shaves all de hair off pig, and cover
him all over nit soap, and pet green Dutch
man s. he can't catch him.-Raleigh Sentinel
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

4 verdant at Troy hotel left his young
wife in his room Sunday evening and went
down to ask the clerk what time he lighted
up Well said the accommodating clerk,
with smile, we usually light up at nine
O'Clock, but to accommodate you I'll light up
Immediately He then sent bell boy to the
room of the verdant to light. the gas. The
young man from the country was protuse in
his thanks, and wouldn't go back to his wife
until the clerk accepted a cigar.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

Indiana Judges stand no nonsense from the
iiar. \ lawyer there lately, in the course of
his argument, used the word, 'disparagcmcnt,'
SOP using Latin words said the Judge or
iii down The poor lawyer, undertaking to
explain, was ruthessly fined $50 for con,
tcmDt.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

James Briggs and wife, of Kansas City, are
a loving couple. James asked his duck Of a
wife, on the first day of March, to put some
wood in the stove and she wouldn't and so
he wouldn't, and they both wouldn't ever
since What a saving of fuel where love
burns so bright and warm on the family
altar
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

A female pownbroker, hauled up for eX.
tnr'ion, claimed immunity on the ground that
she was a loan woman.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

\ little siyyear old daughter of Rutland
clergyman watched Barnum's street parade
with great interest, and finally SAID to her
papa: If wasn't a minister's girl could
20 e. the circus but suppose | must set an
.yamnlc 60 The whole church now.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

4 prisoner, when asked what trade h
would like 10 learn. said: Ifthere be no oil
lection, would like TO De a sailor
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

'aErum and DrinEwa;cr' was sign which
was 20 be seen on a store in North armouth,
Me, sixty years ago. says the Portland Tran
script Il was amusing 10 strangers who
spelled II out syllable by syllable.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

Sunday school teacher treprovinglyl-BOys
do Won know what day this isT Street boy
Hi, fellerS, here's cove as don't know
what day this is guess he's been out all
uirLfr
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

Henry Ward Beecher said that if any col
lcce should put two D's after his name, hc
should tcel inclined 10 put Il dash between
them and send them back.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

When Sir Edward Thornton came into the
theatre, during the engagement of Lydia
Cath remarked, Here comes The
British lion to see the American calf
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

The Peoria woman who wanted to throw
herself into her husbands grave few months
ago has lust married lightningrod man.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

\ New ADvERTIsING DUDGE.-The tamil
iarity of the frontcrs-man with scenes OF
shooting and executions by Lynch-law, and
his coClness in the average Western ARRAY
are proverbial The last instance that has
come,to our knowledge in which enterprise
and self-possession were admirably mingled
occurred at the recent execution of criml
nal in Washington Territory Just as he was
about to be swung OFT, and after he had re-
marked to the sheriff that he had nothing
further to say, real estate agent, whose office
was in his hat, forced himself to the front and
up the steps of the scatfold, and jointly ad,
dressing the criminal and the sheriff, said
Lfhe g6ntlema1 'rlo ocenpies tie platoym will
kindly yield for a .5e,r a.iguteS, would like
10 make a few remarks upon the cheap home.
s;ead lots at Dobson's Hole | am now oiler
ing for sale The polite request was asscutcd
70, and after brief summary of the adyan
tages presented by that locality the sheriff re
sumed his duties, pulled tie cap over The
.gentleman's' countenance, and permitted him
10 drop-Udypsr'St far JdiM
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04
The ProhibitOry Liquor Law.

We at length reached the hotel again, and
proposed glass of brandy and water. My
friend looked at me and then at the landlord
and then the landlord looked at my friend
and then at me. PerpleXity overspread the
countenances of both. Such thing as a
drop of liquor is not 10 be had in the place,
said the iandlore.
Bought, you mean retorted my friend.
Bought, mean, was the answer.
Then both eyed me significantly.
Does anybody give it away% inquired
greatly puzzled by the mystery that appeared
on both of their cOuntenances.
Not exactly. You see, the State Constables
would be after me mo time, il sold liquor,
explained the landlord. Do you want some
very badly?'
Icould not explain how badly wanted it.
and could only give vent to my feeling in Il
sigh
Without word, the landlord disappeared
within the recesses of a small room behind
the office desk, and presently came forth with
two cmpth tumblers III his hand. These he
placed upon the desk
But where is the liquor? inquired.
The law forbids me to sell It, he said, and
dare not disobey the law. If you can find
any here, you are welcome TO it, saying
which he accidentally turned back the breast
Of his coat. The neck of u bottle pecped
forth from the inside pocket. He winked his
eye at me, and winked my eye at him; after
which drew forth the bottle. He family
struggled with me to prevent the daring rob
berry upon which ! was bent, but proved
ineXorable.
My private 0ottle, kept for medicinal pur.
poses, and not for sale he moaned, AS
poured out the liquor for myself and the
worthy Chairman of the Parish Committee
Have some water, gentlemen he added with
alacrity
We drank, and l replaced the bottle in the
repository whence had taken it. Then |
put a dollar in his hands.
What is this tor?' he asked, as he deposited
it IN his waistcoat pocket and gave me half
dollar in change.
For bushel of oats answered. Keep
them till send for them.
All, sir said the landlord, with anlair OF
virtuous resignation, the prohiDitory law has
done world OF good il stopping the sale OF
liquors It's severe law on me, bnt its t
good one
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04

While we guarantee as Good Work as
any city jobbers. we challenge a compar-
son Of Prices with 'any other establish
ints me
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
STATE NEWS.

The Petersburg alms-house contains
lady occupant said to be los years of age
--Clarksville, at one time the third to-
bacco market in the state of Virginia, il
herself again.
The Baptists of Henry county con.
template the erection of house of wor.
ship at Martinsville.
-On Monday twenty-odd hands in the
tobacco factory of Messrs. Pace &
Talbot, at Danviile, quit work on strike
for higher wages. WIT
"A cigar factory has been established
in Danville, in which the Connecticut seed
leaf is used as a wrapper and genuine
Havana tobacco as filler.
AT Milton, formerly Sharp's wharf, in
Richmond county, Danish settlement has
been made under the auspices of the Rev.
Mr.. Clausen, and quite village is spring
ing up. 1f
The cotton gin of J. W.Rawles at Ivor
station, on the Atlantic, Mississippi and
Ohio railroad, caught fire about three
O'Clock Wednesday and was entirely de-.
stroyed.
Two stables, cow-house and granary,
with contents, valued at about $500, be-
longing to z. D. Humitzin, Of Lebanon,
Russell county, were destroyed by an in
cendiary fire Monday night.
james Wilson, colored, was lodged in
Portsmouth jail Tuesday morning, charged
with the murder of Thomas Williams.
The deed was committed Saturday night,
near Deep creek, Norfolk county.
Monday last Richmond horse owned
by E. T. Bass, tackled Petersburg
horse for run-half-mile heat, best two
out of three-and got beat. Time first
heat, So seconds /; second, go seconds.
-Viscount Milton and Lady Milton, his
wife, with some friends, are now in Nor
folk stopping at the Atlantic Hotel. The
yiscount owns a fine farm near Calaghan's
station on the Chesapeake and Ohio rail-
road, which he comes from England to
visit every year or two. fI
From the looks of some of our Vir.
ginia exchanges we might be excused for
saying that the art of printing has not been
much improved since the days Of Guttem-
burg and Faust. We think it pity that
so much good white paper is spoiled by
such inexcusable press-work and unsightly
Typography.
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
CONGREGATIONAL
THURSDAY, February 10.

THURSDAY, February 49,.
| Senate. Mr.. Sherman presented me
mortal of 200 citizens of Ohicago-banlI
ers, merchants and business men--pro
testing against any increase of the currenc,
and in favor of a return to specie pay
merts. ifs
| Bills were passed altering the name o
the port Of San Pedro, CAL, to Whining
ton, and consolidating the patent laws.
| The Centennial Exposition bill was mad,
the order of the day for next Wednesday
Mr.. Chandler submitted an amendment
to the banking bill providing that the Sec.
rotary Of the Treasury shall retire and
destroy dollar OF legal tender notes fol
each dollar of national bank notes issued.
He said with this amendment he would
vote for the proposition of Mr.. Cameron,
but not otherwise.
After discussion on said bill and the vot-
ing down of various amendments thereto,
Mr.. Cameron then submitted bis amend
ment repeating all restrictions on banking
and banking circulation, but,
Without action, the Senate, at $50
p. M, adjourned. JtTe a5se
House.--Mr. Poland, (Vt.) from COM
mittee on judiciary, reported a bill to regu-
late the removal of causes from state
courts to United States courts. Recon-
mitted.
Mr.. Cessna (Pa.), from the same COM
mite, reported bill requiring clerks and
marshals of United States courts who have
received fees in excess of the amount al
lowed by law to deposit the same with the
treasurer of the United States passed.
Mr.. Jewett Ohio, from same commit
tee, reported back the bill to authorize
the purchase Of Monticello, the residence
of Thos. Jefferson, and it was referred to
the committee on public buildings and
grounds.
Mr.. Butler (Mass.), from the same COM
mittee, reported adversely upon number
Of bills and memorials among them pc
tition for the recognition Of the Christian
religion and Almighty God in the Con-
stitution of the United States.
Adjourned.
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
Greai,tg State Sn,,tnal,
CAPITOL NOTES.

1t is now said that Governor Kempe
will send in his message about state fund
when the House finance committee get
disentangled from the mazes of revenu
raising, which aforesaid mystic GOVERNS
now very eifectually envelopes them.
The credentials Of Peter X. Jones, a
member elect Of the House from Greens
vile county, will probably be presented
tomorrow. Mr.. Jones was lately unseat
ed as the sitting member on technical
question as to residence, by close vote
He is popular both in his county and thu
House, and even his political opponents
are pleased at his return.
The Amelia Springs property at Jeters-
vile. are looming up before the legislative
mind as an eligible place to locate the
Central Lunatic asylum. The buildings,
which are of brick, are in good condition,
and capable of accommodating three
hundred patients, and the tract of land
contains 300 acres. The price asked is
$4,000. The buildings alone cost s57 900.
The National Exchequer was brought
to the attention Of the House of Dele
gates yesterday by a preamble and
resolution offered by General Joseph
r.. Anderson, OF this city, instruct
ing Virginia senators and requesting her
representatives in Congress to use their
best efforts to secure the passage Of the
Exchequer bill Offered by Mr.. Platt by
Congress, or some such measure as shall
secure to the people of the United States
good and cheap money and an equitable
distribution of the loanable means of the
country. House committee on Fedora. re-
lations are now wrestling with the PROPOSE.
ton Of General Anderson. His move is
good one.
The Governor to-day appointed Frank
W.. Christian notary public for the city
of Richmond, and refused to pardon Will
liam Frazier, prisoner in the Jail Of
King George county also James Wash
ington. colored, sent to the penitentiary by
the hastings court Of the city of Rich
mond, for burglary.
Senate JOINT resolution in regard to the
removal of the state library, passed the
House and was signed by the Governor
to-day. The library will now rest in peace.
The interest question is the order of the
day in the House for tomorrow at |
o'clock.
To-day. the city council, through Mr..
Gilman, communicated to the House Of
Delegates their desire to have the state
penitentiarv removed from this city.
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
NEW YORK.
Financial.

New YORK, February 2O-Noon.-
Stocks dull. Money!. Gold 1924. Elk
change long, 4S5; short, 1881. Govern.
ments steady. State bonds quiet. 81 7
The New York Times ON the Memorial
of the South Carolina Tax-Payers. /.
New YORK, February 20.-The Times
says of the memorial Of the South Caro-.
lima taxpayers convention, which it pub
fishes: IA memorial has been addressed
by citizens of South Carolina to Congress,
praying forrelief from some burdens under
which they are suffering. The address is
document which demands attention. Con-
gress cannot ignore it. The revelations
made are most extraordinary, and GER
tainly they will not be read with pleasure
iby any section or political parties. We
hope it will be found that something can be
done for South Carolina before Congress
separates" H .ist9S Ill
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
KANSAS.
Collision and Murder.


ATCHIsoN, February Ia. W. Nc
Mutt, one Of the parties implicated in the
murder Of a man named Seayer, at
Wichita, Kansas, a short time ago, was
arrested Tuesday in Missouri and taken to
Wichita. Yesterday he made confession.
The object of the murderer was to secure
2 $4,000 insurance policy on McNutt's
life by having the body Of the murdered
man identified as that of McNutt.
The murderer confesses that he and one
Winnie. his accomplish, enticed Seaver from
Kansas City, drugged him with laudanum,
bound cords tightly around his body. sat
urated his clothing with kerosene, and then
fired the building, burning the unfortunate
man to a crisp. The populace of Wichita
are much excited, and there is danger Of
summary vengeance being visited upon the
murderers. 4, 49,
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
FOREIGN.
ENGLAND.
The New MtnIstrx, etc.

LONDON, February 2O-The Times, in
its issue of to-day, says the new ministry
is Right Hon. Benjamin Disraeli. first
lord of the treasury; Baron Cairus, lord
high chancellor Earl of Derby, secretary
of state for the foreign department Duke
of Richmond, secretary of state for war !;
Marquis of Salisbury, secretary of state
for India; Earl of Carnarvon, secretary
of state for the colonial department Right
Hon. George Ward Hunt, secretary of
state for the home department; Right
Hon. Gathorn Hardy, first lord Of admir-
rally; Right Hon. Sir Stafford Northcote !,
chancellor of exchequer. blam
The Times also says Lord Lennox is to
be commissioner Of works and buildings !;
Captain Stanley, under-secretary of state
for war; Sir John Charles, pay secretary
to the admiralty, and Lord Hamilton,
under-secretary for the foreign department.
A dense fog hangs over London to-day.
CUIRA
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20

POoDLEs are poor material out of which
to manufacture sentiment or sympathy !;
but Western man who deals in fancy dyes
has for the first time in all history, turned
vile poodle to good account. He has
dyed the critters ears purple, his body
blue, his for legs black, his hind legs yell
low, and, giving him green head, tapers
him off with a solferino tail. Now what
coud be better advertisement for dyer
than peripatetic poodle thusly yariegated
There is only one better kind ofdyeing than
this for poodles. F8ur
The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1874-02-20
LIVE STOCK.

U..T-I-H.- RICHMOND, February 18 1874.
MIR. L. Gimmi, weighmaster at the Live Stock
Scales, makes the following report of trnnsac-
tons for the week ending February Is:
Cattle, III head sold; good to choice heavy,
smooth, fat steers and spayed heifers So 50@$6;
fair to medium quality s4@$4 so; common $50
s, 20 per hundred pounds gross Sheep. sold
from % 6o0e so per 100 lbs. gross, for from com.
mon to prime. No demand for low grades.
Hogs. sold from &7@s 25 per 100 lbs. net Veals,
sold from SO oo@l1 90 per head.