The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-02-20
Josh Billings on CLANS"


They are born about the furst ov
March, and menny ov them die az soon
az green peas cum.
Lam and green peas are good, but not
good for the lam.
Lams are innocent az shrimps, they
won't bite, nor skratch, nor talk sassy.
They don't kno much, only to skip,
turn summersets on the grass, xix up
their heels, pla tag, PLACE their moth
ers, and hav plum generally.
luv the lam, ] even luv them after
they bekum mutton !; luv lams nv all
kinds. / had rather hav lam than
VOLTS. This may look like oddness in
me, but it liz mi sentiments ennyhow.
Mary had little lam. Iwish had a
little lam, and if I had a good deal ov
lam it woodn't diskurage me.
Mary was good girl-an ornament
to her sekt.
Mary's lam was good lam-an orna-
ment few his or her sekt, don't remem-
Der which.
It liz plezent tew reflect that theze
things are stubborn fakts.
When q lam gifts through being lam,
they Immediately bekum sheep. This
takes all the sentiment out ov them.
1uSI0 ALI pOSbIJ
Sheep are mutton.
Mutton IL sometimes prekarious.
When youth an innosense ov emmy
kind groze old, it loozes most ov its lam
ness.
This fakt is tew we'll known tew re-
quire an affidavit.
The lam1z an artikle ov trade, az well
az diet, they are wurth from tew 10
dollars, akkording tew the way things
am.
1t il strange that so much innosense
as the lam is possessed ov shood be for
sale.
It il iist so with most all the inno-
sense and purity in this wolld-it IL too
often brought to the shambles.
suppose if 1 kood hav my way, the
lam wood stop growing when it got tew
be about weeks old but then, KUN
tew think ov it, this wood make mutton
awful skarse.
It wood also make lams dreadful
plenty.
It wood also inkrease VOLTS very much,
for I hav alwaze notissed since begun
Dizziness in this world, that jist in pro-
porshion az lams got numerous, VOLTS
got numerous akkordin.
The lam haz a short tail. Their tails
are not short by mater, but short by de-
sine.
During their early lamkinnness, in an
unsuspeckting moment, and quicker
than Tightening, their dorsal elonga-
shun il nipped in the bud.
Not tew be mistaken in this matter,
and tew place the responsibility iist
whar it belongs, lam's tails are kut oph
! bi man.
This il a mean thing for man tew
do; but man is kapable ov doin' dread
full mean things, jist because he IL a
man.
Man Amt satisfied tew leave ennything
in this world az he phind it.
Lams are ov the mail and phemail
perswashun.
There are none ov the animals, that I
kan remember ov now, that are ov the
nuter gender except the mule.
I hav ofteu seen men ovthe nuter gen.
der. If you don't beleave this, kun
down whar / liv and l will point them
out teW you.
The female lam il the decrest little
package ov innosense and buty known
to natralists.
A female lam il my pride andhope. I
luv the whole, entire kongregashion ov
them.
The mail lam soon gifts ruff. They
hev horns which bursts out over their
beds, and when they git advanced in the
journey ov life, theze horns are Lard
thing tew kontradict.
hav seen an aged mail lam knock a
2-hcss wagon into splinters with one bio
ov their horns.
This liz terrible, if true-
The mail lam, when he arrives at his
majority, il called the ram.
The lam il kivered from childhood
with soft coating called wool, from
hich cloth IL sed tew be made, and also
from which yarn il said tew be spun.
Thare liz a great deal ov yarn spun in
this world that haz no wul in it theze
yarns are called phibs.
Phibs are not considered feroshus. A
phib il lie painted in water kullers.
Thar haz been more phibs in market
since the formashiOn ov man than thar
haz been truth.
Phibs are often ingenious, sometimes
quite pretty, but are alwus dangerous.
Phibs are sumtimes a great deal more
plausible than truth.
Look out for them.
Phibbers hev been known to bekum
liars, Just az hot lemonade-drinkers,
with little port wine in it jest for eff
feckt, hav been known tsw bekum our
most reliable whisky drinkers.