The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1874-08-13

II the enemy wrong thee, buy eacl
Of his children . drum.

/ TIIIS AND TIlAT.
II the enemy wrong thee, buy eaol
Of his children drum.
i An Oshkosh judge got four bsrs .
soap for marriage fee.
Chicago has sixty fortune teIlsrs
but not one of them said, "Git thes
engines ready"
A western paper speaks Of it CO
temporary - 'sthe Boone organ d
bottomless stupidity
The man who went TO sleep on 1
railroad track, found his rest was {
good deal broken--and his leg too.
Why do honest ducks dip their
heads under watere To liquidate
their little bills, Of course.
''He fen dead and expired in two
minutes, says Georgia paper Of the
death Of > negro.
Why are your eyes like friends sep
arated by distant climes? They cor
respond but never meet.
Il is rule Of etiquette in Arkan-
sas that no true gentleman will eat
with his leg thrown over the back Of
his neighbor's chair, If he can help it.
"Are there any fools in this town."
asked : stranger Of a newsboy. 81
don't know" replied the boy ; "are
you lonesome?'
What is the difference between .
churcn-organist and the inauenza?-
One stops the nose and the other
knows the Atops.
"Have you Blasted HopesT" ask
ed young lady Of librarian with .
handkerchief tied over his Jaw. "No,
ma'am," said he; cts only blasted
toothache."
"If man bequeathed you hum
dred pounds, would you pray for him?"
said Sunday School teacher to pu-
pill. NO." said he; Il would pray
for another like him."
The man who will keep paper .
length OF time, and then send it back
refused and 'suncalled for" would
swallow blind dogs dinner, and
then beat the dog for being blind.
A Delaware man, arrested for mur-
der, proved that on that night, and At
the hour Of the murder, he was At
home mauling his wife, and this fact
saved him. 4 word to the wise, and
so forth.
Said Mrs. jenkins on her return
from the church: "When ! see the
shawls of those Johnsons, and then
think Of what l have to wear, il il
wasn't for the consolation Of religion
l don't know what ! would do"
Patrick, said the priest, how much
hay did you steal? Well, may as
we'll confess to your reverence for the
whole stack, for am going after the
balance Of it tonight.
care you = burglar, sir? If so do
not come in, As am oil alone" said
. Somerville, Massachusetts,, servant
girl, when man called the other day,
'.Go for il while its hot" was the
exhortation Of a rural youth to his
lady love, as he handed her foaming
glass Of soda. She went for it.
When stranger stands on q pub
lie square in Denver, spiis on his
hands cries out: 'sClimb on TO me
by thousands" even the postmaster
pulls off his coat and goes out to make
the response success.
An interesting problem Of the from
tier, is, why the Arickaree Indians,
steadfast friends Of the whites for
over half century, are without arma
and ammunition, while the hostile
Sioux are armed with Spencer rifles.
Out in Wisconsin horse kicked
and killed hook agent, whereupon
the citizens made = donation party
for the horse, and he now has oats
enough to last him full horse life
time.
"Sad thing to lose your wife, said
q friend TO Vermonter who stood at
the grave of his wife. "Well, toler-
ably sad,' replied the mourner, shut
then her clothes just fit my Oldest
girl
20 Lord" prayed Methodist min
lister, skeep me humble and poorl"
80 Lord, If Thou wilt keep him hum.
ble," said the deacon who next pray
ed, I'VE will see to it that he is kept
poor"
A cloud of gloom and sadness over
spreads the land, and newspaper rea-
ders weep. 1t will be . year.
whole year-before any more college
will thrill the bosoms
Of our people.
"Have you got . little Indian
there?' said the engineer, as we pass
ed . young squaw with pappoose,
at = depot on the Pacific
railroad. "No," said she:'shslf Injun,
half Injuneer!"
The proprietor Of . young ladies'
academy in Illinois, has utterly ruined
his business by causing to be insert
ed in large number Of papers, pic
ture Of the building, with two girls
on the balcony with last
years hats on their heads.
A district schoolmaster in one Of
the upper counties Of Michigan, was
asked what algebra he preferred, and
he replied: "Oh, l amt particular;
most any kind that will just peel the
hide when you strike
North Platt, Neb., was once . vir-
tuous and happy town; not swear
was ever heard there, and the people
Just spent their time in preparing for
heaven. Now all is changed. In an
evil moment brass band was organ
lied.
A family passing through Detroit,
lost their tom cat. "Come children"
said their father, huskily, as he turn
ed to the wagon. Johnny died Of
eo,ar l;.tla Marv won% ,u;th