The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1874-11-07
Facetia.
BAD DEBTS grudges.

I =
To SECURE a result, lock it up.
A FACT is worth a thousand state
ments.
MOONLIGHT mechanics is the latestfor
burglars.
THE latest Irish fashion is home
rule hat. 1t has no crown.
A MAN who "salts down" his cash
General Pennypacker.
! A FALL pippin, coal stove and a
newspaper are not bad things to sit up
with.
WHAT is the use of talking of this
worlds brightness and sunshine to a
man that has tight boots
DARwIN's DARIINGs is the suggestive
name Of newly organized negro MN
strel troupe ut the west.
THE most bitter critics we have are
those who have failed themselves to
write anything worth reading.
THE English folks have grown tired
of lending Joaquin Miller money, and
he has got to go home and go to work.
He who has got nothing to DO in this
world but amuse himself, has got the
hardest job on hand [ know Of.
4 WASHINGTON newspaper claims to
have made an impression on a gas com
pany. Don't believe it.
In the case of Kansas man being
struck by lightning the corOners jury
rendered q verdict: . He was killed by
the Lord, but the Lord is all right.
A MEMPHIS policeman thought that
his orders included all cases of drunken
| ness, and, therefore, arrested the Mayor
and was discharged.
IF you wake up in the night in an
Italian hotel and shoot a burglar, the
chances are that you can't see the land
lord next morning, and that his wife Is Il
widow.
Mss Hebron, the prima donna, is
said to blush like - school girl" Eng
lish school girl is probably meant.
Blushing is one of the lost arts IN this
country.
"lIY dear sir, said candidate, ac-
costing q stray wag on the day of cleo
ton, q am very glad to see you."
g You needn't be-" replied the wag, 81
have voted. "
A LADY in a menager1e being asked
why she so closely scanned the elephant
with her opera glass, remarked that she
was Cooking for the keyhole of his
trunk.
HEAVEN, according to the idea of a
Vermont clergyman, is 1875, 600 600
miles from the earth, and Bloiobs stop
ped being good at eight o'clock this
morning, He says it's too far off.
THE Count de Chambord duly notifies
his friends to hold themselves in readi-
ness for any event. The general i'm
preston out West is that Chambord
must be going to treat.
= NIcHGaN farmer complains that lie
is not receiving half the campaign
speeches this year necessary tolight his
fires, and he has had to make a shaving
contract with 4 cooper shop.
THE belief is becoming stronger every
day in the East, that if John Morrissey
should give Harvard or Yale College
$3.50, 600 the Lord would commence on
entire new account with him.
WHEN the yellow corn signs to be
husked, and the golden pumpkins yearn
to be gathered, 1t is no time for Il paper
to stop and argue whether Edna Dean
Proctor is nineteen or ninety.
An attempt was to have been made
| last week to get mp another woman's
crusade in Cleveland, but three or four
of the leaders were disappointed about
their Fall bonnets, and the affair didn't
come off.
A RICH but parsimonious ola nan,
on being taken to task for his unchalit-
ableness, said q True, [ don't give
much, but If you only knew how it
17rtg -r-Ia
wouldn't wonder.
AN inquiring man thrust his fingers
into horses mouth to see how many
teeth lie had. The horse closed his
mouth to see how many fingers the man
had. The curiosity Of each was fully
satisfied.
Is that your offspring, madam ?"
asked a Missouri Judge of woman who
had hold of a stub-nosed BOYS hand
g No, sir, " she replied, g this is my
Oldest boy
THE matrimonial market has picked
up so fast since September that one New
hampshire clergyman has laid in three
barrels of beans, n barrel OF cider and
three dried calf-skins.
"DoNT preyaricate, sir" Numbered
Judge Shell to a witness. Can't help
1t, Judge, answered the youth. Ever
since I got kick from a mule, that
knocked my teeth oat, prevaricate a
good deal. p"
'.SHow me a radical, gentlemen"
said politician, and I'll show you a
liar, . 4, sir, am one," exclaimed
ready opponent. Just come roundthe
corner, was the reply, "and I'll show
you fellow who SAID / couldn't find a
radical III the ward .
MARRY for love, young men, but re-
member that it's as easy to love a girl
whose pa has hundred thousand in
bank as one whose Old man sits up be
hind a pair of mules and wells:
W hoa you Pete, or Il take your ear
off y
Spice.