Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1874-04-16

THERE was Hubbard. He drove up TO
the door, unloaded a sewing machine, and
said il we wanted machine that would
do all kinds Of work, run easily, hem
tuck, rufiie, gather, braid and be thing
of Joy forever and forty days more, we
shouldn't fail to buy the Lightning
Singer" I bought Ii, and when, after a
week, he wanted a certificate, cheertully
wrote one:
"This is TO certify that / have had a
Lightning Singer in my house for some
time past, and | wouldn't be without IL
for twice its cost 1t hadn't been in my
house half day before my son recovered
from the whoopiDg- cough and my wife
found ten-dollar bill on the sidewalk.
think il the best machine ever ma0e.
can't bear to go To bed and leave It,"
He said he was ever so many times
Obliged, and he hadn't got out Of sight
before Kilroy drove up with the "Thun-
der 81 Blazes" machine. He began to
snuff at the other machine; said we'd
been terribly bumbugged, and that his
machine was the only firstclass machine
In the market.
My wife began to cry, and be soothed
her by offering 10 trade his machine for
the other--which he could sell tor old
iron-and thirty dollars TO boot. We made
the trade. He said the Thunder q
Blazes" would make any kind OF stitch
sew any kind of fabric, and outrun any
thing but locomotive. he came
around the next week with certificate
all written out, and signed 1t;
"This Is to certify that ! have gained
ten pounds of flesh per day since pur-
chasing your machine, and that my wife
hadn't run 1t half an hour when her uncle
died and left her two hundred thousand
dollars. Not one Of the children has had
a cold since the day the Thunder d
Blazes' came through the gate. 1t plays
easily, the strings are not liable TO snap,
the stops are easy TO manage, and 1t IL
the only machine In the world that can
be operated by red headed woman with
cork.leg. I can stay out until eleven
o'clock every night now, and my wife
hasn't word 10 say. Formerly she used
up four rolling-pins, costing two shilling'
Then McMarius came. ] told him that
we had the best machine In the market
and he asked to look at 1t. He hadn'l
fairly got his eyes on the Thunder and
Blazes" before he commenced to laugh.
"Hoho. hot" he shouted, as he dropped
on a chair; 1T will kill me--did you
every--ohl ho-ho!"
sternly asked the cause Of his hilarity
and he replied that Kilroy had swindled
us--taken us in--cheated US stone blind
The Thunder and Blazes" wasn't worth
ANYTHING, he said--was an old machine
invented by blind man and patented by
fool
My wife began TO weep.
But" said McManus, that were hi,
machine, the Chained Earthquake i
was the machine, and all other machines
were base limitations. We might try 1t
and If we didn't like II he would cut hi
throat with brick-saw. Wetried IL, anC
when ne came with his certificate / signet
IL:
This is to certify that your sewing
machine has saved me 10 per cent. Ii
fuel and 20 per cent. In hay and corr
since we purchased it. licked an alder
man, pulled q schoolmaster's nose and
kicked member OF the Legislature the
second day after we got the machine, and
we hadn't owned 1t week when found
where could get trusted for meat anc
wood, and discovered flour shed un
locked. 1t will sew anything from leg
of mutton to New Hampshire noun
tain. There hasn't been y cloudy day
since the machine first started, and thu