The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-10-30

In his death the Nation lost its
greatest head; in his death the
South lost its most just fri end.
-
MISCELLANEOUS t'EEsEs.
Chicago is short OF insurance just
now, but the supply of insurance nev.
er fails there.
California has an actress known as
Mime. kinlin- Wood, and if she doesn't
have many sparks about her there s
nothing in name.
1t was a fine remark of an Irish
yenGer OF potatoes, the other day
''These parathies are parathier than
any parathies ye liver saw"
y man was Boosting that he had
been married for 20 years and had new
er given his wife a cross word. Those
who know him say he didn't dare to.
y Green Bay woman, after being
frustrated in four attempts at suicide,
gave up and married book-peddlcr.
She was bound to throw herself away
somehow.
"What is bullhead luck ?" asks n
Kentucky paper. Twisting mules
tail and getting away from his heels
without being kicked, comes near
enough to answer the question.
1t is predicted that when the two
additional tracks of the New York
Central are completed, passenger
trains will be run at the rate of a
mile per minute over many portions of
the road.
When the daughter of German
grocer in Rochester was married, her
father placed piaycard in the win
dow, bearing this device: "This store
is closed on account of some fun in the
family
y burglar in Vicksburg recently
went through eleven houses and didn't
even raise 4 silver thimble. lie says
there is no encouragement under IL
corrupt administration for industry
and enterprise.
Somebody has been locking over the
records and finds that the present city
OF Troy, New York, has borne four
names in less than a century-Terry
Hook, Rensselaerwick, Van Derney-
den and Troy.
A census just completed by the local
authorities in Minnesota gives $50, 1000
as the present population of the State,
and rates the taxable value of all prop
erty within its borders at S2I7 ,00O. 600
an average of Il fraction over 1898
per capita.
A little bright and thoughtful fellow
OF four summers awoke the other
morning, and, turning to his grand
mother, said: "Grandma, l dreamed
L had carriage last night "Did
your said she; "well, what did you
do with it?" "Oh," said lie, in his
thoughtful manner, ST left in the
dream-house!''
The Danbury News man doesn't
like English newspapers. He saws
they crowd their advertisements, mix
their matter, report insignificant
speeches, don't condense paragraphs,
issue no Sunday newspapers, ignore
agriculture. science, personals and
gossip, and carefully exclude humor
and headlines.
n while ago a farmer in Virginia
lost his wife, and out of a love for her
memory called his estate "Glenmary."
A neiShbor having met with the same
afiiiction, and equally DESTROYS of keep
ing before him the image of his dear
departed, followed his example, and
his farm is known by the name of
"Glenbetsy."
How to swallow q pill is thus stated
by correspondent: "Put the pill I'M
der the tongue and behind the teeth,
and let the patient Immediately take IA
large swallow of water and he will
neither feel the pill nor taste it. In
fact, he cannot tell where it has gone,
aud l have seen them look about the
floor to see if they had not dropped it -
Sidney Smith was once dining in
company with a French gentleman
who had been before dinner indulging
in number of free-thinking specula-
tons, and had ended by avowing him
elf n materialist. every good soup,
shis," said Mr.. Smith. SOM monsieur,
c'est excellent" was the reply. "Pray,
sir, you believe in cook 2, inquired
Mr.. Smith.
a barrel with only one stave is now
manufactured. a steamed log Is ro-
tated against q knife of equal length
with itself, and a continuous stave or
| sheet of wood is cut from it. The
sheet is cut into proper lengths,
These are slit at each end in several
places, and the ends reduced so as to
| fit the heads and make the proper
swell or bulge in the circumference
Hoops are fitted as usual, and much
stronger barrel than the ordinary one
is produced.-New York Tribune.
An undergraduate at Cambridge
who found among the questions on hi;
examination paper this: "Why will
not pin stand on its point elaborate.
ly explained the point thus: 81. A pir
| will not stand on its head much les!
is it possible that it could stand ON its
point. >. A point, according to Eu-
cid, is that which has no parts and
no magnitude. A pin cannot stanC
on that which has no part:
and no magnitude, therefore a piT
cannot stand on its point. 8. It will
if you stick it in"
a remarkable feat of penmanshiI
has just been performed by Califor.
MIA gentleman named s. 5. Bamber
ger. On card, three inches wide ant
four and half inches long, he hal
written the whole of Senator Jones
great speech on the currency question
It contains S,696 words, and was writ.
ten with the finest pen made. TIL,
writing is legibie to the naked eye
On the reverse side of the card is a sea
OF the State OF Nevada, the monogra n
of Senator Jones, and the words
Compliments of j. p. JONES'" all exc
cuted winh pen. 1t is intended as
present TO the President. Mr.. BAN
berger asserts his ability to write the
Constitution of the United States on
piece of paper the size of i've cen
piece.
A small sheet of iron, three inche
wide by five inches long, was laid up
on our table on Monday, which weigh
exactly 10 grains. 1t comes from tn
Iron and Steel Company, and is said
be the thinnest iron ever made. Som
time ago the Wheeling papers boaste,
that mill or mills OF that place ha
rolled iron so thin that piece three b.
five weighed only 40 grains. The ex
pertinent was tested in the Iron an
Steel COmpany's mill the other day b.
the superintendent, Mr.. Thomas John:
, with the above result. If the Wheel
ing or any other mills in this countr
can beat this we should like to hes
from them. Mr.. Johns thinks anothe
experiment will show even better re
sults.-IroEton Ohio Journal.