The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-10-23
HASH.
Balloons might be used by policemen
for taking people up.


n Balloons might be used by policemen
5 for taking people up.
How to pronounce polish name
: sheeZe three times and say ski.
e a man in Cincinnati advertising fol
e a situation, says: SWork is NOT 50
S much an object as good wages"
: John Dubois. of Cairo. ran away
with two Miss MOores, and they are
after him and his pair-O'Moores.
SylvanGs Cobb wants to be T.ieuten-
ant-Governor of New York State. His
excuse is that he has written 500 nov
els.
This is the latest form OF wedding in
FItations: "COme around and see me
capture mother-in-law ut o'clock,
sharp
| No use sending this paper any more
poetry on Susan B. She's come ont of
the erucible as tough ard shining AS
tin ear.-Detroit Free Press.
Somebody observes that when six
young ladies sit down TO talk about
dress, small boy with 4 tin horn is a
sefuge for the weary
The detectives of the country count
/ ShAI lust AIIOSC lOhs
sun brings not record OF another Ross
boy WOO.
\ student ut an Iowa college board
ell himself on siXty-five cents per week
and studied twenty hours per day. lie
is now an oyersecr of highways.
1t doesn't look well, to say the least,
for Wichita church member to have
to draw out his revolver in order TO get |
at his two cents for the contribu tion |
box.
The only unoccupied real estate in |
New York is advertised thus: "a nice |
three-cornered lot in n cemetery, short.
and just right for q fat man with only
one leg
An editorial notice of woman's
grocery store reads as follows: t'Her
tomatoes are as red as her own checks
her indigo as blue as her own eyes, and
her pepper as hot as her own temper"
\ county treasurer in Alabama can't
read or write, but he has put $1,000
where no one but himself can find il.
This shows that a collegiate education
isn't essential TO the acquirement of
wealth.
a fellow who hid under sofa at an
informal Boston missionary meeting,
says that the thirty-fiye ladies spoke
twice of the down-trodden heather and
more than hundred times OF new
kind of hair dye.
A party of young men were out SER
enading few nights since. They sat
on the pavement, which had been re-
Gently paved with a tar solution. Next
morning the rear of six pairs of pants
dotted the walk, and music is heard no
more around that cottage.
Susan Jane must have been scantily
dressed when she was looking out for
her lover and sang:
Hell come tonight; the winds ut rest;
The moon is full and fair;
I'll wear the dress that pleased him best
A ribbon in my hair
A little boy was recently presented
with toy trumpet, to which he became
greatly attached. One night, when he
was about to be put in his E'little bed"
and was ready to say his prayers, he
handed the trumpet to his grandmOth-
er, saying, "Here, grandma, you blow
while pray"
A colored preacher down South took
for his text the words, "Though after
my skin worms destroy this body, yet
in my flesh l shall see God" which he
divided into three parts as follows
"First, skin worms; second, what they
done; third, what the man seen after
he was cat up"
SCOT anything for sick man to
read ?" inquired a pug-nosed boy ut a
news stand the other day. eyes, any
thing you want-Bibles, poems, relig-
iOus books, and so FORTH" replied the
clerk. BIBLES - echoed the boy, do
you think dads hangel? Gimme n
lively dime novel-one with an iniun
sculping solger."
An Irishman recently stopped at
hotel in Des Moines, Iowa, where pref
ty high bills were charged. In the
morning the landlord made out the
amount of damages and presented it 10
Pat. After he had glanced over it the
latter looked the landlord in the face
and exclaimed: eye put me in mind
OF snipe." "Why!" asked the land
lord. 'Because ye're very nigh all
BILL
1t is related of George Clark, the cell
ebrated negro minstrel, that, being cN-
amined as a witness, he was severely
Intercepted by the attorney, who
wished to break down his evidence.
GU are in the negro minstrel BUSH
ness, believer" inquired the lawyer.
eyes, sir" was the prompt reply.
"Isn't that rather low calling ?" de-
manded the lawyer. 81 dou'G know
but what it Is, SIR" replied the min
strel, "but it is so much better than
my fathers that am rather proud of {
it. )" "What was your fathers calling 2"
ale was lawyer" replied Clark, in
tone of regret that put the audience in
a roar. The lawyer let him alone.
We thought that everything that it
was possible to say about "hash" had
been said, but here is another cOntri-
button: A certain hostess, whose ia
BILE is noted for its uniformity of dish
es, has a brisk daughter who electri-
fies her mas boarders with the follow
ing parody sung to an accompaniment
on a new fifty-dollar piano: "While
beefsteak and Venison costs lots OF
cash. be it ever so grisly, there's moth
ing like hash; the scrapings and leav-
ings of no use elsewhere, when mixed
altogether make excellent fare. Hash,
hash, good meat hash! BE it ever so
grisly, there's nothing like hash! a
stranger from home, hotels dazzle in
vain; o, give me cheap eating house
food that's more plain the waiter who
gayly re.echoes my call for nice plate
of has or single fishball. Hash, hash,"
etc.