The Rutland daily globe. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1873-1877, 1874-04-20

LECTURE OF THE DEposEu CHICAGO NIlN.
IsTER, REV. Florence MCCARTHY, oN
'WHo WOULDN'T BE MINIsrrR?"
The Kingsbury Music Hall was the thea
tire last evening of Florence Mccarthy
lecture on "Who wouldn't be a minister ~
The attendance was not very large, but
wha. the audience lacked in numbers it
made up in apprcciative enthusiasm The
lecturer, attired in his ordinary black suit,
came upon the stage unattended at precise
ly o'clock, and, after bowling to the ap--
plause which greeted his appearance, made
the following remarks
have the pleasure of introducing to YOU
this evening Florence Mccarthy, Il descen-
dant of the ancient kings of Munster, but
who is prouder of having been born in
America and of having lived in Chicago for
some years than of his royal descent; a man
who has been well tried, and who has pep
pered his deacons. l. lighter.
MIR. Mccarthy then commenced his reg
ular discourse by the homely parable of
the traveller who, on approaching Chicago,
chose particular road, and was afterward
sorry that he had not taken some other
thoroughfare. Thus it was with all the
professions of life. Nearly every man re-
GREETED that he had not followed some other
calling than the one in which he found him
self, but he would hope that no man was so
foolish as to regret not having chosen the
ministerial calling.
The lecturer then proceeded to regale
his hearers with some of his ideas on the
style of biography. He entirely objected
to the combination of terms poor, but re-
Specialize" when describing hero's par
ents, and in connection Herewith gave n
racy review of his own early years.
PREACHING IN THE RURAL DISTRICTS.
Next he carried the young clerical stu
dent into farmers settlement in the coun-
try to preach. His description of the far
mer's churlishness of the farmers wife,
who was termagant and stingy, and of
his children, who were rude and noisy, was
strange, but intensely amusing.
Mr. McCarthy's ideas of attenuated blan-
kets and cold apple pie are of the most
freezing nature, and sent n cold shudler
through the audience
The next step in the life of the young
minister was when, after preaching few
times more, he was asked to settle. The
church-people represented to him that ev-
erything was peace; that there was no
church debt; that his salary was certain,
and more to the same effect. After he re-
manned for certain length of time, he dis
covered that this peaceful church was d.
vlded into several factions; that one clan
chung to the memory of DR.. Deadman an
other to the preaching of DR.. Coldstone,
and another to DIR. Leatherhead. who was
the young parsons (Mr. Hopefuls) pre-
decessor in office. Also how the wife of
one deacon attempted to poison the eldest
daughter of another deacon because she.
was too pretty to sit beside the Borgias
daughters how Deacon Smith shot Deacon
Whites cow for trespassing; how Mrs.
Griddle voted for the new pastor because
she had four unmarried daughters on hand
how the Joneses voted for him to spite the
Greens, and how these deacons who had
fallen on each others necks and wept,
something like the brethren of Joseph at
his coming, had not spoken to one another
for year or more. All these things and
more he could relate.
But, said the speaker, above all other
things, happy is the minister who has
NICE HEAD OF HAIR,
laughter]; whose curls are luxuriant and
hang gracefully adown his neck. 1t mat
tiers not whether he is brilliant or other
wise, so long as that hair of his has the
proper curl Great laughter.
On the other hand, what availed learning
brilliancy. theology, WORTH virtue, any
thing, to the minister whose hair was, by
nature, villainously straight? Renewed
laughter He spoke on that subject with
feeling. Now, that he thought of it, the
persons who had most wrestled against him
in the church were those who had warned
him of the evil effect of his straight hair.
Laughter and cheers, They were, in
fact, the men who had ousted him. In the
church he had split on his own hair. TGreat
merriment. 1t had bred three parties in
that church. There was one party who
wished it brushed down close to his head.
like black paint, as it was tonight; there
was another that wanted it to stick up so.
Here the speaker suited the action 10 the
word, and set his hair standing all on end
with marvellous effect, bringing several
rounds of cheers and creating uproarious
hilarity.
There was still another party, the con-
servative faction, who wanted his hair turn
ed out loose and peaceful, thus. Mr.. Nc
Carthy here executed another pantomime
with capital effect These people never
gave him peace about his hair. The priests
of the old Roman church wore a tonsure-
shaved their heads, so as to look bald. He
had never been able to discover why they
did so until the revelation dawned upon
him in the light of his own hair-they cut
1t off to save trouble with their congrega-
tons and to prevent schsm in the church.
lGreat applause and laughter They did
not want to divide the people in hair, and
they were wise in their generation. A min
lister should either have curled hair or be-
come entirely bald.