Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1874-01-17

cEeIy purchaser OF iOad OF ma
nure.
a man out West who has mar
ried and buried three sisters, now
comes up smiling at the altar, hav-
ing begun on a new family.
A corn doctor announces Oh his
business cards that he has 'remov-
ed corns from several Of the crown
cd heads Of Europe
Stebbins says: Elderly people
ought to retire early at this season
of the year. 1t is better for their
health. Besides, it gives the young
folks better chance
a Madison butcher recently
found large shawl pin in a COW
he was cutting up into steaks. 1t
is supposed the animal had swal-
lowed a milk-maid
Somebody in Georgia court
'applauded,' whereupon tho Judge
1--WE quote from the Griffin News)
Indignantly remarked, Now dry
up; will let you know that this is
no camp meeting
An old negro woman was heard
to exclaim: "Thos. Jefferson, you
and Jas. Madison come into the
house, and bring Abe Lincoln with
you, or I'll reach for you. suahn
A Nevada clergyman was com
PEELED to vacate his charge without
taking formal leave, because he
was so fastidious that 'he would
not even hold the stakes for
scrub race
The Green Briar Miss. } Herald,
in suspending, says: Hang this
town. Hang all the men in it
throw the rest into the river, and
plant the town site in cucumbers.'
1t is related that Il Haverstraw
man felt so bad about the Cuban
outrage that he erected n guillo-
tine in his poultry yard and be.
headed all his Spanish fowls. 1t
relieved him.
A well-dressed, able-bodicd man
astonished people in State street,
Boston, on New Years day by
walking up and down with large
placard on his hat bearing the in
scription, Il want work
Says the Alehison Globe: while
the soldiers were digging up the
dead at old Fort Kearney, last
week, one coffin was taken up that
was literally filled with snakes
Some wag remarked that it was
plain enough what that fellow died
Of
Irish boy (to benevolent old
gentleman)-'Maybe yer honor'n
give poor boy something. Sure,
It's a desolate orphin, and deaf and
dumb, | am Absent-minded old
gentleman Quitting his hand in his
pockeD-CPoor fellowp
IF this jury convicts my client
said Missouri lawyer, rolling up
his sleeves and displaying his pom
dcrous fists, Il shall feel compelled
to meet each one and hammer JUS
ticc into his soul through his head
Verdict of not guilty.
There is one good thing about
babies, says q late traveller, they
never change. We have girls of
thc'period, men of the world, but
the baby is the same self-possessed,
fearless, laughing, voracious little
heather in all ages and in all couu-
tries
Pause here my friend, as you pass by;
As you now are, so once was /;
As now am, so you must be;
Therefore prepare to follow me"
1t is said that once an irreverent
wag appended to this inscription
the following rejoinder:
"To follow YOU I'm not content,
Until know which way you went"
Chicago wants to have the next
worlds fair held there. 'In the
first place. says the Boston Post,
sit isn't certain that the next world
will have fair, and, in the second
place, those who'd be likely to at
tend it will prefer more pious
town in which to celebrate it,
A good brother in Baptist
church Of Miami county, Indiana,
While giving his experience not
long age, said: Brethren, I've been
Il tryin' this nigh onto forty year
to servo the Lord and get rich
both at onct, and l tell yer, it's
mighty hard sledding.'
Fellow travellers said a colored
preacher, 'ef had been eatin' dried
apples for = week, an den took to
drinkin' for mont, / couldn't feel
more swelled up dan l am dis min
nit wild pride an vanity Mt seein'
such 4 full tendance here dis even
ing
1t is gravely related in China
that at the audience given by the
Emperor, the ambassadors were
so overwhelmed by the augustness
of his imperial Majesty that not
one OF them could speak word,
and most of them had. to be led
out ina fainting condition.
In life's great game of poker
AS the aged minister tearfully OBJ
served in his funeral discourse,
our deceased brother has thrown
down his hand, which, permit me
TO say, brethren, was equal to four
aces and q queen-he has surren-
dered his chips, drained his glass
to the dregs, and walked OUT
Where are you goingY said a
young gentleman to an elderly one
in white cravat, whom he over
took few miles from Little Rock
i am going to heaven my son. l
have been on the way eighteen
years well. good-by, old fellow,
if you have been travelling toward
heaven eighteen years, and got no
nearer to it than Arkansas, I'll take
another route
The shocking consequences of
the bad habit among editors of alb
breviating the titles of papers in
crediting extracts from exchanges,
are not always redeemed by the
GOOD faith exhibited in bestOwing
such credit. By way of illustra-
ton, we may state that it is entirely
wrong for our Pennsylvania con-
temporaries to speak of the Beaver
Dam Republican as the "B-Dam
Rep" Prayer meetings three
times week won't save commu-
nty that enjoys this sort of things.
Meals State Gazette.