The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-08-21
4 Pcnnsylyanian bet $4,000 that

got away with him.
- Judging from the number
Is drowning accidents this year, say
e the New York Commercial, theI
IF are fewer people born to be han:
J. ed than we had supposed.
The new and handsome post
o card-handsome enough, enc pspe
q says, to use vor valentine-wilT b
: ready in September. Any vsriatio
J. on the ugly card at present in Us
a will be welcome.
q Says an. exchange: cat thi
: season of the year q perplexini
: question is how to dispose of gan
bage. In Bro oklyn they send i
away by telegraph
California housekeepers hay,
discoVed one little objections t.
Chinese cooks. When John get
out of spirits and discontinued liz
! is apt to poison the whole family
Detroit Free Press: One of the
: most vexatious things in the world
is to have your wife's uncle kickee
I, ! III NtlN SGOAA0No Wv - AiOI6Cg VIII
you $4,000, and then deliberately
get well.
Young gentlemen who have
wedding presents to make this
month, will be interested In know,
ing that aliigators. can be bought
at Perry, Georgia, just now, for q
dollar apiece.
MIR. Greeley did not invent the
phrase $50 West" as is generally
supposed. The original of the re-
mark was when Ruth said (many
years BIC ''Where thou go West
I viii go.
An Ohio county editor is look
ing for new journeyman compos-
itor. The last one he had set up
F'NIr. Tilton' averment" so as TO
make it read "Mr. Tilton's var
mint
It was darling Gweorge" when
a bridal couple left Omaha; it was
''dear George" at Chicago; at De
troit it was George and when
they reached Niagara Falls it was
"Say, YOU" 49,.
"You hear me- is going out of
fashion. "That's me that's cough
ing" is the absolutely latest way
of emphasizing and calling atten-
ton to your remarks.-Chicago1
Tribune. s.r
Detroit Free press: Say no
more about Europe. She is taking
care of Joaquin Miller, Josie
Mansfield, Genet and two Ameri-
can base ball clubs; and if that isn't
Kindness, what is?
A good way to restore man ap-
parently drowned is to first dry
him thoroughly inside and out,
and then clap a speaking-trumpet
to his ear and inform him that his
mother-in-law's dead.
A dariey, left in charge of a |
telegraph Office while the operator
went to dinner, heard some one
''calP' over the wires, and began |
shouting at the instrument: "De
operator isn't yerr' The noise
ceased.
We often hear of people who are
too poor to marry, but Califor-
MIA couple, who had been engaged
some time, married because they |
could not afford to keep two sep
arate rooms in boarding house.
Progression is the watchwordl
of the hour, but in Missouri moth
ers haul their disobedicnt children |
over the knee and strike on the |
same old spot that the Romans did |
5000 hears ago.-Detroit Free
Press.
The difference in nature was
well illustrated at the Boston de-
pot. Two sisters met. 80, my
dear sister, said one exhaustedly,
as they embraced. you've been
eating onions" said the other,
calmly and fearlessly- |
Remember that appearances are
often deceivnig. Many q pale,
thin young lady will eat more
corned beef than q carpenter. Be
cause you find her playing the pi
ano in the parlor it is no sign |
that her mother is not at the
corner grocery running in debt for
a peck of potatoes.
This advertisement is published |
in the Fort Collins (Col. Sentinel:
wanted, about fifty unmarried
ladies, between the ages of eigh- !
teen and forty, sound of limb, wind |
hustle, by fifty uXorious bachelors
and Widowers of this city. Hus-
bands and homes guaranteed. No
CT usaders need apply"
A promising youth of nine sum-
mers, in western Massachusetts, at
a school, recently relieved his
oyerburdened mind as follows:
ssLord of love look down from above,
Upon us little scholars;
We have a fool to teach our school,
And pay her twenty dollars"
A Lynn dog goes about the
streets with his muzzle attached to
his tail, and q blanket, the super
scription of which gives out that
the dog law, which requires the
wearing of the ornament, does not
designate the place of wearing it.
The Police Court is looking into
the books.
Two young men out riding were
passing q farm house where q
farmer was trying to harness an
obstinate mule. won't he drawn
said one ofthe men. "Of course"
said the farmer, she'll draw the at
tention of every fool that passes
this way" The young men drove
On.
That surprising Detroit Justice
remarked to a fighter, the other
day: "This affair will wrench q
ten-dollar bill from you unless you
/ want to so up for ninety days.
Be careful how you sling your fists
around after this. John G. Heen-
an gained something of a reputa-
ton by blowing his muscle up, but
public opinion has changed. If
you want to be famous you must
discovers comet, or hang around
reservoir and look out for
breaks"
A Hartford man was drowned,
and friends brought home the dead
body to his afflicted wife. AS they
came to the front door with the
corpse, the new made widow ap-
peared and sadly remarked: 81
guess you had better take him
around to the back door, so he
won't drip on the parlor carpets"
A romantic York girl thought
TO Maud Mullerize and .trake the