Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-07-16
PEUNNYGRAMS.

The Scarlet Letter-let her B.
w. T. West ward the Beecher scan
dial takes its way.
Bancroft, though not man Of war,
is seyenty-fOur.
Short men always rise early;oit is
impossible for them to lie long.
-Coquettes are like weather-cocks-
only fixed when they become rusty.
Hans Won Bulow's treatment of the
Milanese is said to have been Bulow crit
icism.
A Western critic speaks Of Bunion,
the author of Pilgrim's Progress.'" He
ought to go to the foot"
Fame doesn't spoil Collins Graves.
hungry bugs, and is calmly hoeing the
fruit.
Philadelphia is to be made unhappy
again. Weston says he was well received
there, and he proposes to go there again
soon.
The best cure for hydrophobiai is said
to be the sulphate Of canine, which is
warranted to contain all the strength of
the original bark.
Boston Globe: It has been discovered
that the bite of a mad dog is an antidote
for rattlesnake poison. Hunters should
carry about little mad dog in a cage.
Texas is full of mysteries. A man
was put in jail the other night at Bryan,
and the next morning he was found
hanging to a tree a quarter of a mile
away.
:" What becomes of dogs when they
die?" was what a juvenile in Boston
asked his pa. "They go to the happy
land of canine" his parent quickly re
piled.
A rich bachelor in Providence de-
clares he must marry girl who ends her
and Josies and NIinnies are thinking
what they will do about it.
-"Jemmie," said one Irishman to an
other, the first time he saw locomotive,
'what is that snorting baste?" "Shure,
[ don't know" was the reply; "unless
it's a steamboat splurgin' to get to
water"
=" You must do a little more work,
Sandy" said an employer to half-wit
engaged in making mortar. "Ay, ay,
was the reply; I'm jist as busy whin
yer AVA as whin yer no here" His en-
ployer believed it.
"A lady in Winnipauk recently left
the following note for the milkman
Mr.. Id pleas to put in wun quart,
and leve me some more tikets and eff this
note shud bio away and 70 kant fine it,
plese leve me the tiket all the sam"
-Spilkins, who has been the rounds of
the college commandments this year,
says that altogether the most sensible
and pleasing remarks he has heard any
where were those of tie pupils at the
Institution for the Deaf and Dumb
A couple of neighbors became so in
imical that they would not speak to each
other, but one of them, having been con-
verted at q camp-meeting, on seeing his
former enemy held out his hand, saying
How dye do, Kemp? l am humble
| enough to shake hands with dog."
A stranger gets puzzled in St. Louis.
He picks up the St. Louis Dem0crat, and
finds that he is reading 4 Republican
paper. Incensed at the fraud, he casts
it aside and grasDing the St. Louis Repu5-
JjcaH finds that he is reading Demo
cratic paper. Then be rings the bell
violently for the hall-bOy and wants to
know IF everything in st. Louis is a
/ Drazen deceit"
In little town out West a lady teach
er was exercising d class Of juveniles in
mental arithmetic She commenced the
/ question, If you buy COW for ten dol
. lars" when up came a little hand
/ What is it, johnny" "Why, you can't
buy no kind of a COW for ten dollars
! father sold one for sixty dollars the 9th
er day, and she was a regular old scrub
at that
A gentleman was once arguing with
( a Scotch lady, when at length he stopped
/ tell you what, ma'am, said he; iii
not argue with you any longer; you're
not open to conviction" " Not open to
conviction, sir!" was the indignantreply:
L scOrn the imputation, sir; am open
to conviction. But" she added, after a
moments pause, show me the man that
can convince mers
He was quaint old fisherman. One
! day along toward dusk he was fishing in
trout stream, and, as he flung his fly
out over the water, it was suddenly
| snapped by huge bat. The strange
| looking thing dangled and Tapped its
wings at the end of the line. The fish
erman's companion called out: Say
Sam, got anything?" 1es-as," looking
at the bat on his hook. "What is it?'
| 81 dunno, unless it's a cherubim!"