The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-02-20
HUMOROUS.
"A little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest men,"

Active. ..Corpses.-Dead beats.
The best way to raise strawber.
rles-with spoon.
The tea kettle is the only singer
that never gets cold.
A goat is e good mixer, but suc.
eeeds better as butter.
When is a gun-barrel chicken
When its q little fowl.
A certain man had watch which
he said gained enough in six months
to pay for itself.
"Bobby why don't your mother
sew up your pantsF' "Because she's
down to the vestry sewing for the
heathen."
"Ps, what is the use of giving our
pigs SO much milk? $50 that they
may make hogs of themselves, my
dsrling."
A poet Hybernian complains that
love is commonly spoken OF as a
"1ame" because it's "tinder-senti-
ment."
A little girl of eight or ten sum
mers, being asked what dust was,
replied that it was mud with the
juice squeezed out of it.
Michigan moonlight is dangerous,
we should judge, from the statement
that "two men were robbed in Man
chester, by moonlight
"Who cut your clothes, Tommy p
asked a visitor of a curiously rag
ged boy. "Why," said he, "ma cuts
my pants and pa cuts my jacket"
Rev. B.-"But you can have no
serious reason to wish to be parted
from your wife?" Rustic-"Well,
no sir. like my wife we'll enough,
but then, you see, she don't please
mother"
A faithful brother in a Fairfield
Conn. J church recently prayed for
absent members "Who were pros
trate on beds of sickness and chairs
of wellness."
An embryo poet, swho is certainly
close observer Of human nature,
remarks "Time marches on with
the slow, measured tread Of a man
working by the day"
An Iowa editor wrote: During
the past week we have been visiting
the Solons of the country" A CON
slant reader thought it was q queer
way of spelling saloons.
Andrew jackson was accused Of
bad spelling, but John Randolph de-
Tended him by declaring that "a man
must be fool who could not spell
a word more ways than one"
Building castles in Spain, Mr.. S.P
said landlady to Spicer, who was
thoughtfully regarding his breakfast
cup. mo, ma'am only looking
over my grounds in Java"
An Irishmsn qusrrelling with an
Englishman, told him that if he
didn't hold his tongue he'd break
his impenetrable head and let the
brains out of his empty skull.
A young lady asked young gen
tlemsn which he thought the pret-
test flowers, roses or tulips, to
which he replied: "Your ladyship's
two-hps before all the roses III the
world"
"Take a wing" gushed pompous
upstart, extending his bent arm to a
sensible young lady, at the close of
prayer meeting. "Not of q gander,"
she quietly replied, and walked home
with her mother.
A minister asked a tipsy fellow
leaning against fence, where he ex-
pected to go when he died. "If 1
don't get along any better than l
do now" he said, 81 shan't go any
where"
That was a rude doctor who ad-
Vised his female patient, after feel
ing her pulse, that she only needed
rest. But look at my tongue,
Doctor" which he did, remarking
"and that wants rest too" He lost
that patient
A naughty little boy, blubbsring
because his mother would not let
him go dow, TO the river on Sun
day, upon being admonished, said {:
81 didn't want to go 'swimmin' with
with 'em, ma. l only wanted to 90
down and see the bad little boys
drown for goiH' a 'swimmin' on
Sunday"
An elderly lady who was handling
q set of false teeth in q dental office, |
and admlrjHg the fiuency with which |
the doctor described them, asked |
him: "Can a body eat with these
things ?" "My dear madam, masti-
cation can be performed with ia
cility almost equal to nature ITSELF"
the doctor. Eyes, know;
but can body eat with them?"
A doctor called on a cholera pa
5ient, a German, and prescribed.
Next day he found the patient we'll.
WELL" said the doctor, ''the medi-
,ine brought yon out p mo, sir,
did't ta1e it." "What did you