The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1874-08-13
About Roarding-Ho

HAv lived in board:nhouses sum;
may say long enuif to decide that most
ov them are the most cheerless and un-
friendly places on earth.
The aims hous, or the hospittel, IL a
more lively spot to liv than the average
boardin-hous.
Thare IL 2 kinds ov boarding hous
keepers more prominent in the trade than
emmy other.
One IL the hack in The bizzness, a
woman ov forty five or fifty years ov age,
and never gifts emmy older, who wears an
alpacka dress as slippery and shiny az a
piece Of patient leather, and one who
can bio a butcher klean out ov hiz stall,
or lift the skalp oph from the head ov
one ov her Brdgets whenever she gifts
her steam to working.
She keeps boardin-house from force
ov habit, and changes her lokashun every
year to beat the cockroches.
Her hous liz furnished from top to bot
tom with shabby furniture that waz once
gentccl, which she haz gathered from a
thousand auckshion sales, which IL the
only place she visits except the meat and
vegetable markets.
In addition to the few familys who oc-
cupy her best rooms, she generally haz
on hand an old bachelor or two on the
premises who hav lived with her from
two to five years, alwuss in arrears for at
least six months board.
Everything on the table and about the
hous, including attendanse, IL mcazurcd
out with the remorseless stint ov miZer,
and the whole thing runs dry and squeak
ing, like the axles ov a wagon that wants
tar.
There iz not one solitary, genuine
comfort in the concern, and men and
wimnin liv year after year in thczc asy-
lums, cursing them every day, and with
out the moral force to desert them or in
sist upon their rights.
The other style ov boardin- hous keeper
liz the one who haz adopted the elegant
profeshun from necessity, to piece out a
decayed fortune, and to enable her to liv
in a fashionable naborhood in a semi
fashionable manner.
She givs yu to understand that yu are
admitted upon her premises az an akt ov
grace on her part, and az long az yu live
thare WI will be at loss to determine
whether VIZ are looked upon az an intru
der or not.
All ov these kind ov retreats are run
entirely in the interest and for the cum
fort ov the landlady and her decayed
family.
hav lived in both ov theze kind ov
hash conservitorys, and kant tell which
liz the most Uncomfortable.
Thare are few amung the list ov
boarding houses that are plezant excep-
shun to the two abuv kinds, WHARF thare
IL refinement and good sense enuff in the
management to make them resemble a
home.
But the idea ov home for their guests
never enters the head oy the average
boardin-hous keeper.
TO run the house az cheap az Sunday
skool, and git the. highest rate ov pay
promptly, il the genius ov theze institu-
shuns.
/ waz told bi yung bachelor once,
who had lived from necessity all hiz life
in one ov theze seckund-rate vittualling
stands, changeing hiz quarters regularly
three times year in hopes ov improving
hiz appetight, that he knue ov one land
lady who kept party ov four yung
fellows in her hous two months longer
than they wanted to stay, by putting .
ten cent stamp in her hash every
morning.
She had larnt this distribushun dodge
from the sharp tobbaconist ov the day.
don't believe the yarn the yung man
told me about the stamps, but the story
IL too good not to 60 onto reckord.-Josh
BiIlings.