Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-01-08
NUMBER; 40.
Mark Twain aud the Nobility,

The following letter was recently
addressed by Mark Twain to the Lon
don Morning Post, and that paper pub
fishes it as q '.curious specimen of
Transatlantic puhery:"
SIN: Now that my lecturing engage
ment is drawing to it, close, I find that
there is one attraction which forgot
to provide, and that is tho attendance
of some great member of the Govern
ment. Strictly speaking, I did not re-
ally forget this or underrate its i'm
portance, but the truth was I WAS afraid
of it. was afraid of it for the reason
that those great personages have 80
many calls upon their time that they
cannot we'll spare the time to sit out an
entertainment, and ] knew that If one
of them we're to leave his boz and re
tire while I was lecturing it would seri-
ously embarrass me. find, however,
that many people think ought not to
allow this lack to exist longer; there
fore feel compelled to reveal thing
which had intended to keep secret.
I early applied to = party at the East
End, Who 10 in: :tho Same: line Of busi-
ness as Madame Tussaud, and he
agreed to lend mo 4 couple of
kings and some nobility, and he said
that they would sit out my lecture, and
not only sit it out, but that they
wouldn't even leave tho place when Il
was done, but would Just stay where
they were, perfectly infatuated, and
wait for more. SO I made . bargain
with him at once, and was going to ask
the newspapers to mention, in the
usual column. that on such and such
IN evening His Majesty King Henry
VIII: would honor my entertainment
with his presence, and that on sach
and such an evening His Majesty VIII
liam the Conquerof would be present.
and that on the succeeding evening
Moses and Aaron would be there, and
60 on. I felt encouraged now; an At
tendance like that would make my en-
tertainment all that could be desired :;
and besides, I would not be embar-
rassed by their going away before my
lecture was over. But now misfortune
came. In attempting to move Henry
Will to my lecture hall the porter fell
down stairs and utterly smashed him
all to pieces; in the course
of moving william the Conqueror,
something let go and all the sswdust
burst out of him, and lie collapsed and
withered away to nothing before my
eyes. Then We collared some dukes,
but they we're SO seedy and decayed
that nobody would ever have believed
in their rank and 20 1 gave them up,
with almost . broken heart. In my
trouble I had nothing in the world left
to depend on now but just Moses and
Aaron, and I confess to you that it WAS
all I could do to keep the tears back
when came to examine those two i'm.
ages and found that that man, in his
unapproachable ignorance, had been
exhibiting in Whltechapel for Noses
and Aaron what any educated person
could see at . glance, by the igature,
were only the Siamese Twins
You see now, sir, that I have done
all that q man could do to supply .
complained-of lack, and if I have failed
I think 1 ought to be pitied, not
blamed. I wish I could get . king
somewhere, just only for little while,
aud I would take good care of him, and
send him home, and pay the cab N.Y.
self. MARX TWAIN.
London, December TO- 80