The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-11
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

DR.. Mary Walker pants for the improve
ment i'll her sex.-1erre Haute Gazette.
Old Beelzebub must be tailor, for he il
always sowing tares. Whitehall Times.
George Washington-Firstin in war, frs
in peace, and last in getting monument
~. O. Republican.
The ST. Louis Republican calls Rhode Is
! land one of the pillars of the Republican
| Party. Thought Aver was the pill-er.-
Boston Post.
We are told that the smallest hail
throws shadow" And SO it does. II
throws shadow over your appetite when
you find it in victuals. Herald
Henry Godnose Bailey is the name of a
boy in Springfield, 0. If we were your
parient, Henry, Godnose we'd knock youl
middle name out of you.-Ec.
Readers had best hurry up tlieir general
reading; the Presidents message and de-
partment reports are already in preparation
and will occupy the rest of the year.-N. Y
| Mall
Some papers are not half edited. Here's
an exchange with whole column of para
graphs entitled Sunday Readings" and
not line clipped from the Journalists.
Louis Journal.
A wooden-nuttmeg peddler of the Morn
ing journal and Courier, of New Haven,
says the reason Washington boasts that
it neyerhad large fire is that it is too rotten
to burn Washington Chronicle.
1t is said that "beef is only three cents
per pound in Oregon, while cofans are $1OO
apiece" Thus the temptation of the
Oregonian to eat himself 10 death is proyi-
dentially counteracted by the high price of
a funeral Courier Journal.
They say that Long John" Wentworth,
OF Chicago, is to be married, and Pullman
is knocking out the partition between two
sections of sleeping car in preparation for
the bridal trip.-.St. Louis Journal.
Mark Twain will make another attempt
to walk to Boston barefooted. He thinks
ne would have accomplished it the first time
If the clergyman who accompanied him had
not stopped so often to pray.-Argus.
Mr.. Beecher thinks the wickedest thing
IN the world is to thump child on the head.
This is undoubtedly true. The best way to
punish child is to pour hot beeswax down
its back.-Argus.
The mosquito is an insect that has no
blood, except what he steals. AS an aeen-
cy Tor sinking artesian well he is unsurpass-
ed. Confidence in his powers is the reason
he always sings at his work. Commercial
Ad0ertiser.
1t now seems that Mr.. White, proprietor
the Chicago Tribuue, gave up Journalism
for the purpose of going into matrimony.
His Judgment will be approved by those
editors who many a time, while wearily
striding home at 3 o'clock a. M, have re-
Hected that no journalist can personally
conduct a morning newspaper, and give
satisfaction both to his wife and the public,
argus.
The Chicago Tribune thinks the quickest
way to cure men of smoking is for women
to smoke too. The Tribune is unquestion-
ably right. Few things would so speedily
dissipate the superstition that 'love is a di-
vine enchantment'' as the spectacle of a
young lady chewing the butt ola New Jer-
sey lavana.-Argas.
Now that the New York papers have got
through with the Shakespeare Bacon con-
troversy, without settling the question, we
don't mind confessing that we wrote those
plays ourself, but we promise not to do SO
any more. Bacon wanted to write 'em.
but when we asked him who was running
this Shakespeare business, he took the hint
and left-and thus saved his Bacon. Nor
ristorn Herald