The Hawaiian gazette., 1874-07-08
Variety

Variety.
"wbnt is heavens best gift to mani" asked
young lady, the other night, smiling sweetly on a
pcasant-lookng clerk. 4" hoss y replied the young
man with great prudence.
An autograph copy Of Walt whitman's ephithalRmy
was handed to sartoris just before be sailed. The
bewildcrod bridegroom hastily glanced at the dOou-
ment, and passing it back the donor, impatienty
exclaimed Thanks but I've got prescription for
sea-sickness."
The insulted Lamar, Of Mississippi, calls TOOmbE
s,liar and a poltroon." Thereupon Toombs indig
nantly draws himself up, slides himself down, and
draws himself up again, like dOublobarrelled tees
cone and the impression is that he keep doing
it for some time without oilng.
A thirsty Phladolphian, during ft of Centennial
ecstacy, didn't pay much attention to what he was
taking hold Of and accordingly swallowed bottle Of
hair-dye. His widow was frantic with anguish until
the physicians assured her that the dye could be
covered by autopsy.
Al the trial Of breach Of promise suit in England
lately the plaintiff produced $50 love letters from the
defendant, weighing three pounds. She thought they
ought to weigh against him. Love letters are not,
as rule, light reading and the young woman reckon
cd well her advantage with the jury.
Tom Marshall Of Kentucky was the most eloquent
man Of the old Wing party, not excepting Henry
Clay. In philippe against Andrew Jackson, he
closed by saying: He crushed the United States
Bank with the heel of his military boot, and retiring
to the Hermitage he cheated the very devil himself
by turning Presbyterian"
Think before you speak what you shall speak, why
You should speak, to whom you should speak, about
whom you are to speak, what will come from what
YOU may speak, what may be the benefit from what
YOU may speak, and lastly, who may be listening to
what you may speak. Turn your speech seven ways,
and there will never any harm from what you
have spoken.
Paris gossip tells of countess who for years has
been in the habit Of seeing her physician daily. He
never prescribed for her. but always pocke.cd the fees
Recently he called and was denied admittance. The
man in buttons quickly explained his conduct: Mon
sieur le dooteur Madame cannot receive you to-day
as she is indisposed.''
When Napoleon was small boy he was asked
whether he could tell what nationality he Of, and
be indignantly replied b" OF COrsican." When Chang
was a small boy he was asked whether he was native
Of siam, and he Indignantly replied: "of course,
SIAM The rest of the items Of this nature will be
continued in somebody's else next"
Wooden nutmegs left entirely in the shade by
those Partisan tradesmon. A sausage-seller of the
boulevard de strasbourg was recently arrested for
preparing trufled pigs feet with truies Of black me-
rino, and, few days later, q confectOner came to
grief for selling violet sugar-plums made of purple
barego encrusted with crysalliEed sugar. Fancy get
ting a mouthful Of such delicacies as thesel
Most of the platinum which finds its way into the
market is produced in Russia the product, however
being very small. The total production for ISL
400 pounds It is worth about S75perpOund. Being
OF great hardness and almost indesructble it is very
'eful in the construction Of standards of measure
1nent and instruments for scientific purposes.
1t is claimed that the tomato was first grown in the
United States at Portland, Me-, in 1916, from seeds
brought from Cuba, which called golden or love
apple seeds, and which were planted with the ezpec
tation that nice towering plant would be the result
From this place seeds found their way to Haverhil,
Mass, where the discovery was made that the to-
ato was good for salad when up and dressed like
a cucumber"
The Liberal CFrisan observes Of the discipline in
public schools - The radical fault of the common
school teacher is the attempt to govern the children
exclusively by his own personal power; whereas no
child in school room can be really trained exceptby
the force Of a healthy public opinion in his cOmpan-
ions. Children are taught in the realm of manners
and morals chiefly by the exampeOf their associates
The wise teacher begins to fashion his room
into community, pervaded by distinct and power
ful public reason and conscience"
An Eastern poet gives this parting advice to the
bridegroom:
Be alters kind. and never say " shall"
And do what you please her,
For she's q hundred 'MericAn gal
And the che-ild Of hundred Caesar.
General Hunley, of Virginia, is evidently not pre-
pared for the Civil Rights bill. The General was
making speech at Rockingha Courthouse the other
day, defending the attempt to impose charter on
Petersburg. Frank Moss, Negro legislator, mount
cd the platform, and asked leave to reply. Hunley
told Moss that he never allowed Negro to discuss
with him. and that he must know and keep his place
as Negro.
The Portland Press says " There sects in |
heaven, probably How about insects?
Tell me, ye winged things
That round my pillow roar,
Is there favored spot
Where bed-bugs bite no norei
What is the difference between boarding house
keeper and a cremstionist7 The would turn hash
es into the men, the other would turn the men into
ashes.
Mother, may 60 out to singi
Yes my darling daughter;
Pray for those wicked sellers Of gin
And make them take to wateri