Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-10-24
JONES' EAR

He was tall boy. Was Jones ana re lived ont
on n e divide No one ever tbought OF Gait
ing him man. though he stood six feet without
stockings. Stockings he regarded as an efemi-
nEcy only irdG g. in by tenier footed people
sao # there IVES snythiog Jones prided h nsslf
on more thSn his ear, u gas his feet IL vas
often remarked thst Jones feet world reauire
ssspsrR'e coffin when re "peterea cut on
the divide" he vas generally considered % Re
8 capitalist. because bis subsis,ence cane ,rirh~
ont & fort on his part. Ard the ssdiyfA." US
rigbt-maioTities always are. Jones capital
stock consisted OF his ear-the other one mad
been "chAwec or eNtempOr aneousiy bv a ruth-
les PIKE" who once accused Jones OF having
washed his face twice in month. Jones spurned
the insult, and, without more Sdo, proceeded 20
furnish a subject for his private gravey ari, but
the opposing party in the skirmish N snSged q
encircie Jones ear with hts incisors snd gently
puils IL OF. The effort Wa too great for human
endurBnce-in two minutes the bitist =
corpse through strsngulation. They buried the
ear with him, and had q double funeral service
read. As the corpSes were being inferred Jones
remarked, There wusnt such another year in
Nevsyda-" Hts consolstioD Was that az killed
the man any way.
ears there was rome symmetry, but with thst
unapproacbsble ear on'y remaining. he became
the standing wonder Of the "diyide." In its
capscious depth he carried hrs tobacco-in the
summer time he had but 10 wsg and the air on
the "divice" become aZephyr-in winter he hzd
only to WAIT portion oft over his head and the
rain ran OF in cataracts.
"Divide" mothers reclaimed their waywsrl
troods by t's mention, and divorce suits arose
nom 0dlous comparison.
But aside from these internal discussions the
"diyide" was proud Of that ear. They took
strangers 20 see IL, and won their money betting
on its size. The "divide" psrson once tainted
on seeing Jones' ear Ell the doorway, but Jones
famed him back 20 consciousness again. ant
the next SUNDAYS sermon was on the text, aye
thar have ears and hear not"
when Bill Stewart. the bald headed eagle OF
Nevada, vss passing through the divide" be
called on Jones ear and remarked that IL kind
OF drawled OF with anything in the Senste-snd
HtAWn ua ANA 80 .HwaH-n
Jones DIDN'T understand foreign languages, but
said that William was "bully g4lo0t"
Alss, and alas! Great men we can Lot always
woke up 10 a sensation.
Jones was found outside the camp stiff and
cold, his ear clean cut of ana nowhere visible.
They buried him tendeTly and shed few tear.
Then they started TO lind the ear, because with
its head.
They found il in the bottom of a shaft, Int.
sad 10 relate, il was too far gone 20 be kept.
Hauling il up TO the surface they all took last
farewell, and then dumped il back again. They
filled up the shaft and read another funeral
service. 1t was the only honor 20 be dOne-but
IL il not every man who has three funerals.
And II may be remarked that there never was
and never will be such q phenome nal ear as
Jones'.-Sdn Francisco Golden Era.
SORE THRoAT-TIGHT CoLLARs.-Says an
exchange. can eminent physician, who de-
voted his whole attention 90 diseases of the
throat and lungs, told US the other day that
get well by wearing very loose collars, and no
necktie at all. He said that often singers would
come to him for throat disease aud loss of
voice, and he would tear open their cravsts
and cure them with no other treatment Whist
ever. "The pressure Of the collar on the AFTER
les Of the neck is very bad for the health" said
be. He also added: "If you have q disc ase OF
the throat let nature do the curing, and the
ply stefan just as little As possible"
DIR. HOLLAND says q reign of infidelity and
unbelief is approaching. Ii has already sp-
proached-it is even here. Ii the Apostle Paul
vas installed to- morrow, he'd preach 20 empty
benches, unless il was proved he'd been turned
ont OF heaven for flirting with Jephthah
daughter, or Hannah Moore, or some other
Bible womsD--NeiO York letter.
sSWhere to 90 when short OF money-go TO
work.
S"ls Mike McOloskey in the ranks?" asked
the comnandeI-in-chief, as the army stood in
line of battle. "Here, Giniral," said Mike,
stepping TO the front. "Then let the engage
ment begin" said the general. This is the way
Mike tells the story,