The anti-monopolist., 1874-12-10
That Emerson Boy.

That Emerson boy is dead, and there
isn't any one around that house now to
make fun. He was cheerful, lively
boy, and he did his best to make the
household put on the mantle of Joyful
ness. Emerson often remarked that
Bob didn't seem ever to sit down and
think Of the grave and death, and he
probably never did.
No, Bob wasn't Of that make. He
wanted to have fun, and if the coroner
should have his body exhumed to-day,
| have no doubt that certain portions
of it would be found calloused where
the press board used to fall. Both his
ears were nearly worn off By being
cuffed so much, and it took whole rev
of current bushes to furnish whips to
dust his jacket for one summer.
Emerson didn't know what fun was
until Bob was eight years old. Then
the boy began to launch out. He
would bore gimlet holes in the bottom
of the water pail, put cartridges in the
coal stove, unscrew the door knobs, fill
the kerosene lamp with water, and
coed thrashing didn't burden his mind
over five minutes. Sometimes his ia
ther would take him by the hair and
yank him up to the sofa, and sit down
and ask:
sRobert Parathon Emerson, what in
blazes ails ye!' !,
'>lt's the yaller janders, guess"
Bob would meekly reply.
Robert, don't you want to be an an.
gel q the old man would continue.
"And have wingse'
eyes, my son."
Sand fly higher'n kite =
"Yes.'
| "And fight hawks?'
''Y-e-s, guess so.
"Bct your beef would--whoop!
Bully for the angels!'
''Ihat' sacrilege, that isl" the OLD
man would remark, and he would jerk
Bob's S hair some more and declare that
the young rascal was bound for the gal
lows. After lying under the pear tree
for six minutes. Bob would recover
from his sadness and go over to the
barn and run the pitchfork through
the strew-cutter, harness up the cow,
and stick pins into the family horse.
One night he brought home wolf
trap and set it in the middle Of tho
woodshed to catch rat. He chuckled
a good deal that evening at the thought
Of what would happen to the rats, and
he fell asleep and dreamed that he was
hand organ, and that some one stole
the crank to him SO that he couldn't be
played on. Just before going to bed
old Emerson went out after scuttle Of
coal, and he stepped his bootless foot
into that trap. He made a mighty
spring and uttered mighty yell, and
it took two men ten minutes to spring
the trap off his leg.
ssIt's that boys work. he groaned,
as he nursed his foot, and he took up
the boot-jack, limped into the bedroom
and gave Bob an awful clip. just as the
boy was dreaming of playing base ball
: with . mermaid.
.I'll pound ye to death if ye don't
stop this fooling!' cried the old man
but he hadn't been out ec the bedroom
ten minutes before Bob was planning te
stop up the chimney next day and
smoke every body out Of the house. II
,, wasn't many days before he fixed q
darning needle in the cushion Of his
fathers arm chair and bounced the ole
man three feet high and his licking
hadn't got over smarting before he ex
ploded fire cracker in his mother
snuff box. That night the old mar
said to him as he took him by the ear
"Robert Parathol Emerson, do yor
ever think of where you will 60 TOT"
eyes, sir" he answered, "I'll 60 te
: bed purity soon!'
; Then he got another mauling ant
, went to bed to dream that he was j.
: three-tined pitchfcrk and that mar
: was using him to load hay with.
: Poor boy! Even three days before
he died, and while on his dying bed. he
managed to slip an eight ounce tack in
to his father left boot and got up an.
other circus. II he's in Heaven now
truly believe that he'll put up some
: sort Of a Job on the first angel who