The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1874-06-24
pDnos, pnDn and bhan'7'

always on its guard.
"A matter-of-fact old gentleman
thinks it must be a very small base
ball that can be caught on fly.
"A Wisconsin Minister has been
dismissed from an orthodox pulpit |
because he built a fire under a balky |
horse.
"A young man Of twenty one
hanging to a lamp-post and singing;
tFather don't drink any now, al
midnight, is one ofthe curious pha-
scs of city life,
1t is estimated that in Paris there
has been an average of three suicides
day for the past year. During the
winter the suicides occurred at thcI
rate of four day.
"A good little Bangor boy refused
to spell cider, because lie had signed
the pledge. That excuse hadn't the
requisite thickness, and the boy was
sent o his scat t o learn his lesson.
TO see how eager a human being
will catch at straw, it is not neces-
sary to witness a drowning. The.
phenomenon is now manifest chiefly
within saloons, where one end of the
straw is immersed in q tumblcr.
"A modern satirist says that an
indolent man, who has ovcrspent his
income and lives on the principal, is
like Heine's monkey, who was found
one day hilariously seated by the
fire and cooking his own tail in cop
per kettle for dinner.
ks" don't amount to anything
on oyster cans or barrels of flour.
They have got so they put up fifty
pound rocks in barrel of -four and
then paint five KS on the head, then
the x-tra business could all be done
in q minute by the man who finds
the stone.
"A Detroiter who removed to
Lone Tree, Neb., year or two ago,
writes to q tobacco house in that city
to send him five pounds Of ''fine cut
by express, adding: 81 am candi-
date for sheriff Of this county, and |
think by q judicious use of five
pounds of good tobacco | can secure
two hundred majority"
Kate Field, in her letters about
Spain, gives us the following moral
reflection as the result of her study
Of Spanish human nature: ut is a
great mistake to think that good
people are the most ght-hearted and
contented. They are bothered by
conscience and worried about ever
lasting salvation
This laconic but sensible Ger
man ought to be seat out to the PEG
pie on temperance: 81 sail tell you
how it vas. | drank mine lager; den
/ put mine hand on mine head, and
there yosh Won pain. Den put mine
hand in my pocket, and dere yos
noting. So | jine de demberance.-
Now dere is no pain in mine head,
and de pain in mine body YES all
gone away. put mine hand in mine
pocket, and there vos twenty dol
lars. So | stay III d dc dember-
ance."
A well known Judge of the SUI
preme Court of New York often re-
lieved his judicial remarks with a
touch of humor. One day, during
the trial Of Il case, Mr.. Gum was q
witness on the stand, and as he hest
tated a good deal, and seemed I'M
willing, after much persistent ques-
, tioning, to tell what he knew, the
Judge said to him: "Come, Mr..
Gum, don't hang fire." After the
examination had closed the bar was
convulsed by the Judge adding; "Mr.
Gum, you can go ol-you can be
discharged"
"A smart city billiardist picked
up eountryman, and induced him
TO play game Of billiards-one hun
dred points. The city boy took the
cue and rcn the game out without a
stop. The countryman quietly laid
HoWn MS cue and started Tor the
door. Said the billiardist, 'Here,
come back and pay for this game"
"What game?" said country. why,
the game We just played" eve"
said the eountryman; 'we?" ! haint
played 10 billiards as / knows of. J
guess, mister, seen as you played the
game alone, you'd better pay for it
alone" Whereat the countryman
walked out and the smart city boy
cogitated.
"A young gutter snipe, born and
II -