Weekly Trinity journal., 1874-08-15
SNITTER'S TRAP.

souls, when freckled girls kisses are
their balm in Gilead, and when it is dol
lars to cents that they will manage to
mako consummato jacllasses Of them
selves. That was what allied young John
Henry.
Henrietta Jane Slittors was an incipi-
ent woman, and had scarcely dropped
her inlantile lisp and the length of her
chin curtains. She was Of that plentiful
female sort, you understand, who run to
sentiment and split curls, and who had a
good sight rather have young mems
heads on their hearts than common sense
IDEAS in them. She was a nice girl you
know, only she had ruined her appetite
for beef steak by devouring too many
dime novels. That was what allied Hen
rietta Jane.
Rudolph Beethoven Slittcrs was a Gym
ical, cross, bald-hoaded second fiddler in
an orchestra, and was old enough to know
better, He had thought the matter care
fully over you observe, and had conclud-
ed that all men are liars, swindlers, poll
ticians, knaves, thieves or some other
species Of Internal rascals. Therefore he
hated mankind with a double intensity,
only approached by his innate love for
gin. That was what allied Rudolph Bee
thovcn.
John Horny and Henrietta Janc met.
He closed his right eye and wicked with
the one that was left. She closed her left
eye, and winlled with the one that was
right. From that moment, you compre-
hend, the ETHEREAL essence evolved by the
commingling Of ecstatic-wcll, you know
as well as | do the effect Of puppy-loye
upon the human race. They burst the
arms Of the old mans rocking-chair by
sitting in it double, and slobbercd over
each other daily from 7 to u PM. He
huggcd her until her dress was thread bare
under the arms, and she cawed around
his collar until all the button-holcs were
stretched out. The cat and canary bird,
unwilling spectators Of these scenes, had
died in unspeakabe agony, and matters
were generally getting thick when the old
man dropped on the situation. Rudolph
Beethoven Slittcrs didn't rant much, ,-
He only remarked that he didn't know as
he wanted to waste a healthy young man
but that if a certain nnmcless youth
over dared to cross his drawbrdge again,
coroner, n sexton, an undertaken and n
minister would be entitled to the custom
ury rces. 1nen he gave John Henry n
piece OF bread and butter, and told him
to run right home to his doting mother.
| As for Henrietta Jane, She never sat down
with any comfort for two weeks, during
which time the recollection Of six horse
power spanking was yividy impressed
upon her memory.
But john Henry, you notice, was no
-louch Of lover. He meandered right
back to the Slit,ers mansion and kissed
Henrietta Jane until she thought she was
in heaven between two clouds, with an
gels Hopping their wings and tossing pep
permint drops into her mouth. She got
spanked, and he got kicked out, as regu-
lary as the sun set but somehow they
got hardened to it, and didn't seem tC
mind it any worth mentioning.
At length the cynical old cuss, who
couldn't bear to see the children playing
at make fools-of- Themselves, avowcd thai
he would break up the game or bust
SO he hired misguided mechanic tC
build an internal machine, all for to spoi
John Henry. 1t had steel trap to j
that dashed together like the jaws o
death, and a two foot mortar that helC
eleven pounds of powder and n peek o
old nails. He carried it home on the sly
you see, and made the front gate a sor
Of trigger to it. One blamed dark nigh
he fixed the thing all up, and left it ready
to massacre John Henry the moment he
touched the gate. Then the Old villain
wandered of to lebbinger's and absorb
ed gin until II o'clock. In the mean
time, John Henry, for the first time il
three months, failed to call on Heuriott
Jane.
"I know It's pretty rough to kill a fel
low" soliloquized old Skttcrs, as h
neared his home, but he's brought it o
himself. ! wonder if they will hang m
f for it. III swear ! fixed it up for bur
E glars, anyhow, and guess it will be a
. right. Wonder if there's much excite
ment about 1t? There don't seem to b
, any light in the house. Wonder wha
they done with his mangled remains ?
Ia ha ha it's mighty funny, thougl
come to think Of if. How surprised b
= must have"
At this moment old Skitters put hi
hand on the gate.
@
t John Henry and Henrietta Jane hay
been married two years now An inmat
} Of their household is banged up oil
t man, who nayigates by crdlch power
, and who is constantly picking bits Of ol
nails out Of himself. The hair has a
been singed off his head, and he keel
t one Of his arms in glass jar, preserve
, in alcohol. lie says it's srheumatism tha
, ails him.
! A JEALOUS but ignorant negro preacl
t er, in expounding to his flock as to Il
J astounding nature of miracles, got a trif