Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-10-07
Humorous.

A Poor TINE TO FIND THEN-It is a
town on q railroad running ont OF
Detroit, and it never had q paper. A
man went up there to start one. Upon
his arrival he found great abundance
of sidewalks, hotel where patrons
helped themselves, and the only sign OF
| life on the main street were a lame
horse and two children playing in the
road. He had been recommended to
several citizens, who were anxious for
the paper, and who would assist In
starting it, and after searching around
the hotel for a while he found a boy
mending horse blanket in the ladies'
sitting room. where's Mr.. -r in
guired the editor, mentioning the name
of the first citizen on his list. Gone
to the dog-fght. answered the boy, not
even looking up. And where's Mr..
-? asked the editor. 'Gone to the
dog-fght,' answered the boy. And MIR.
-? Gone to the dog-fght. And
Mp We'll, he's down thar. ,
And Mr.. -?' Same place. an
swered the lad. There was one more
name on the paper, and the editor
waited a moment and inquired for its
owner. Saw him to the dog-fght,
answered the boy. See here. bub,
said the irritable editor, can you tell
me if there is any resident OF this town
who didn't go down TO the dog-fght,
I've got important business with the
head men, and want to find EN- The
boy shook his head in solemn sort of
way and replied Its poor time to
find the head men OF this town when
old Mt. Clemmens sends her fighting
dorg down here to clean our prize ana
mul out You'd better call to-morrer !
AN INQUIsrroR PUNIsHED.-It is OF
the elder Dumas that the following
story is told: A stranger, having
heard with surprise that Dumas was a
quadroon, called upon him to verify
the fact.
4 am told,' began the visitor. that
you are a quadroon, Monsieur Dumas ?
Yes answered Dumas.
And your father
Was mulatto, the distinguished
Gen. Dumas of the army of Italy-and
a mulatto,' roared the a1thor in tones
that left not doubt of the quality of his
lungs.
And his mother continued the in
truder Interrogatively.
"Was a negro, shouted Dumas,
rising to his feet.
And who, may / ask. was her
mother?' continued the enterprising
indefatigable bore.
AN ape, sir, an ape = Numbered the
indignant author. My family began
exactly where yours ends. Waiter,
show that monkey the door.
In THE course of a trial upon some
forest rights witness named Elm was
examined. Being a hale, hearty old
man, the Judge asked him what had
been his manner of life. "I have al
ways been a very early riser and very
temperate. Turning to the jury his
lordship said. See, gentleman, what
you may reasonably expect from early
rising and temperance. The witness
was the brother of the first, and though
Older, being upward of eighty years of
age, he was a more healthy man.
Addressing him the Judge said, 'I
suppose, from your appearance. that
like your brother, you have been very
temperate ?" "Alas, my lord" replied
the witness, 81 have never gone to bed
sober these thirty years - "Ah, well
gentlemen" remarked the Judge, ''you
see an elm will flourish wet or dry"
A LOVELY manner OF avoiding sea-
sickness has lately been put in practice
by an English traveller. He was on
board of a steamer crossing the British
Channel between Dover and Calais. On
deck, right opposite our Briton, was
seated beautiful French actress who
was going to London, where she had an
engagement for a theatre. The English
man was keeping his eyes riveted on
the face of the lady, whose patience
being exhausted. said to the islander,
''Wby are you looking so persistently
at me ?" The gentleman answered.
with an exquisite politeness, "Madame,
it is said that to avoid sea-sickness, one
must rest his eyes upon a single point,
and not stop a moment to look at the
sea. You are the point which 1 have
chosen.
A MILAN letter tells of a christening
in church of n two-year old baby. The
father held him, the godfather held
him, the god-mother held him, and the
priest took him. He was laid on a
pillow he was taken off the pillow.
The priest read Latin enough over him
to ruin his constitution they put salt
on him they poked cotton in his ears,
and they daubed him with oil, and he
bore it like a little saint but when
they dipped the back of his little, bald,
red head into the cold water, he spoke
right out, loud. in the meeting. in fact,
he put the Latin all in the shade.
A PENsIvE young man in Wisconsin,
while singing Come, love come beneath
his Dulcinea's window the other night,
had love, music, wind, and everything
else knocked out of him by something
in long white garment that fell out of
a chamber window. 1t proved to be
nobody but his girl, who in her anxiety
to know who was serenading her, leaned
too far over the window sill hence, the
result. He says when he sings "Come,
love, come" again, he will keep away
from under the window, as his system
can't stand many such shocks.
In RELATING a dispute which hap
pened between Qneen Ann and the
Archbishop of Canterbury, concerning
vacant mitre which the queen was
about to bestow on an unworthy per-
son, the relator made both Queen and
Archbishop swear three OF four thump-
ing oaths in every sentence of the dis
cussion. A gentleman present, who was
surprised by the recital, asked, "But
did the Queen and Archbishop really
swear SO 2" "Oh, no. was the self
possessed answer. ssthat is only nv