Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-02-13
HUMOR.

carter unless
he has $250.00 to pay down
on house and lot
balance in l 2&3 yeares
for sail by me. Within
They have mud-hole in Bennington SO
deep that small children are frequently lost
in it, and the Gazette says: we don't
care anything about it, cause our folks
are Just out of children; but for the sake
of our suffering neighbors, we call atten-
ton to the matter.
An Irishman, newly engaged, presented
to his master one morning pair OF boots.
the leg of one Of which was much longer
than the other How comes it you rascal
that these boots are not of the same length?
Il really don't know sir: butwhat bothers
me most is that the pair down stairs are
in the same fix
what would become of us if the brake
was to give way?' exclaimed nervous
lady as the car in which she was riding
was going down steep decline. THAT
would depend entirely upon how you have
lived in this world was the consollng an
swer of the conductor.
If advertised philosophical victim,
fthe person who took fancy to my over
coat was influenced by the weather, then
all is serene; but if he did SO from com
mercial considerations, I am ready to en-
ter into financial negotiations for its
return
The Troy "Whig'' infringes Oh the pat
ent of the Philadelphia ''Ledeger'', and
says:
''Bring out the Grape and toll the knell ::
She's dead-a lovely Lockport belle;
Her stomach failed away to get
With ninety oysters on a bet"
The most confiding woman lives in Prov
idence. She went to auction, and, know
ing the prevalence of thieves at such
places, asked nice looking man to take
care of her pocket-book, containing $780,
He is still taking care Of it.
A prisoner in petty court was asked by
the Judge if he had any counsel. Yes,
he said, i had engaged an old bald-headed
fellow to defend me, but | don't see him
around, and | rather guess he's out for a
drink
A woman at Fort Larimie has sued a
paper for saying that she murdered three
husbands, when the truth of the matter
was that only two of them died under her
treatment, the third escaping with a bro
ken rib.
who goes a borrowin', goes sorrowin'.
More often it is the other way up Who
goes a lendn7 too often goes a sorrowin' !,
while who goes borrowin1 not unfre
quentiy goes on his way rejoicing at his
dexterity.
A California paper having obtained a
new subscriber, records the startling fact
in a half-coumn article headed Still An
other! Our Course Endorsed by the Peo-
pie =
A girl in South Bend, Indiana, had an
attack Of Mysteries which the Doctors
eoudn't manage, but her lover was called
and at the first touch of his hand she re-
covered.
The Green Bay wish dentist who re-
GENTLY stopped work on young lady's
teeth to performa delicate operation upon
her lips, has paid her father $500; and all
lis serene.
At a late conference session clergyman
gave reason why the Baptist Church is
like beavers Init "There is only one
entrance to it, and that is under water"
When the jury returned Il verdict that
John Jackson OF Green Bay waR guilty Of
burglary, Mr. Jackson rose up and said,
IN bet hundred dollars | amt!
A French paper points ont how the pas
sion for gambling isshown i'll tbis country,
so that even wedding notices it Unnecessary
ito state that there were no cards.
A Deplhi belle dropped her wire symetry
in crossing muddy street, and gallant
Irishmam handed it to herewith the remark.
AMa'am, here's your muzzle.
%, George, gGsur sister is nice girl, but
she does dress her head up so Yes said
George; but it is the fashion; there's
nothing in it, you kno#.'
.Mono-poets' is the new name for Der
SONS who write but one bit of verse and
then die. This isn't the kind of poet that
sends pieces to the papers.
There is q man at the Kittery NAVY
Yard who has whistled continuously for
nine years. and why somebody has not
killed him is mystery
A Mississippi paper says: 'Giye negro
a spavined mule, a single-barrel pistol, and
brass watch, and you make him supreme
ly happy
Young lady lat the post office. IF 1 |
don't get letter by this mail, want to
know what he was doing Sunday, that's !
ALL
'e st. Louis's wickedest man has died and |
gone to Chicago. His successor will be |
selected by competitive examination.
Dakota has beea doing sums and finds |
she has only three-eights of a white man to
an acre of ground.
Felt slippers-Those felt 10y children in
THEM rude young days.
The hest substitute for coal.-W a1I /
weather.
A boarding establishment.-A carpen-
ber2s shop.
is taking a hack the airsb stage of con-
SUMPTION
What hasa cat thatnothing else 'has2-
Kittens
A legal tender--A lawyer Winding his
baby.
Men of the time Chronometer makers