The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-02-19

A certain man has watch which be says MAJ
usired enough to nav for itself in six months.


A certain man has watch which be says has
GAINED enough to pay for itselfin six months.
Johnny assures us that a railroad conducfo'
punches hole in your ticket to let you pass
through
An English ,cag az aerts that machinery is the
most modest Of all things, since it almost always
travels in coz. &@8I f#5I##6
when bit of OF ostrich feather il found D. .
wife in her husbands beard no one can blame her
for being down on him.
detroit female of just twenty-five was marrleo
- her ef,b husband lately Ell the gentlemen are
alive and the srst four are doing well.
An embryo D, ct, who is certainly close oos se
ver If human nature, remarks; lime marches on
With the slow, measured tread of man working
by the day"
Andrew Jackson was accused of bad spelling
INIT John Randolph defended him by declaring
+bot "a man must be a fool who could not spell
words more ways than one.
A Sophomore says he cannot understAnd no"
anv one possessing what Is ger orally known as
conscience can counterfeit fve-cent piece ana
mt on the back of it: I'm God we trust"
t.BuIlding castles in Spain. Mr. s, 7" SAID the
landlady TO srieer, who thoughtfully regard
inp his breakfast cup. "No, ma'am. said spicer
only looking over my grounds in Java"
The world" never harms Christian so long as
he keees 1t ont OF his heart. Temptation ia never
A. Sin
within betrays the heart to the outside assailant
i In California obituaryit is stated that ''the de
ceased was person of romantic nature. He
placed the breerh of his gnn i'll the fire and look
ing down the muzzIe, departed hence instantane
ously." 8N
1t is pronounced an omipous sign when man
who has been married scarcely twelve months
begins to betray an abnormslinterest in The causes
OF lock- jaw.
eff this jury convicts my Client" said mis-
aouri lawyer, rolling up his sleeves and displaying
his ponderous fists, II shall feel compelled to
meet each one and hammer justice into his soul
through bis head"
When Andover Theological Seminary called
Moses Stuart from the pastorate at New Haven,
the loud CRY OF the church was, HE cannot b.
spared p" DR. Porter replied. "a man who can be
spared We don't want"
The company raised for the conquest of CUBA
at Augusta, Ga, was very strongly oficered. II
consisted of thirteen generals, seven olones, -four
captains, nineteen paymasters, twenty-seYen
uartermasters aud one private
The Danbury News states that New Haven
editor spent last Sund in Sawson and attended
church. When the contribution oox came around
he was in dose but, on being nudged, hastily
exclaimed, Il have pass"
quarrelsome couple were discussing the sub |
ject OF epitaphs and tombstOIes, and the husband
said: ''My dear what kind ct a stone do You sup
pose they will give me when dle! birthstone
nay love" was the afectlonate reply.
A veteran observer says that "Old frjerds ar
like old boots We never realize how perfectly
they were fitted to us till lhey are aside, ano
others, finer and more stylish perhaps. hut cramp
ing an plnshing in every corner, are substituted
Spanish Proverbs - He who has nothing
TO do. let him buy q ship or marry q Vile"
''From many children and little bread good
Lord denver Us" "a tool is never a great
enc unless he knows Latin"
Of course London is ringing with stories of the
adventures which happened during the og. one e
which is worth quoting An old gentleman who
had some business at Charing Cross made his way
"a far the Strand, hut there completely lost him
self Ha crept slowly on and on, with out the
least idea where he was going. Until he found
himself decending some steps. On these steps he
pumped against a man who was coming up them
'Hallo said the old gentleman. HALO said
the man. "Can You tell me said the old gentle
man, where am going to "Yes laid The man:
'If you go straigh you will walk into the river
gor I've just came out of it,