The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-10-16


Weston will soon celebrate the scoring /
of his one hundredth failure.
A Chicago sausage maker advcrtises /
his wares as dog cheap"
Mayor Otis, of San Francisco, has
thought it his duty to inquire how Levi /
Rosener, Assessor of the county, can live /
at the rate of $40 600 year on a salary
of s. 900.
Lady-"Before I eDgae you should
Cook-"Oh, ma am. l always feel it my
duty to be of the same religion as the
family I'm in"
Josh Billings says. "If yu are going
to Civ a man emmy thing Civ it to him
cheerfully, and quick, don't make him
git down on hiz kneeze in front oy yu,
and listen to the 10 commandments, and
then yu Civ him ) cents"
A "black-an-tan" swallowed a roll of
thirteen dollars in greenbacks, the prop
erty of his mistress, in Chicago, the 9TH
er day. The lady's avarice overcame
her love for the poodle. She had him
cut open, and recovered the money.
The Hornet gives this advice delicate
ly veiled in compliment to an actress
at the Alhambra, London: Miss Len
nox Grey, in dress that only requires
some sleeves to make it perfect, looks so
pretty that she has no business to wear
SO much paint"
The Hartford Post says this: "If life
insurance companies had been in bust
ness in Palestine at the time, wouldn't
Methuselah have been healthy risk
life policy, for instance, annual premium
from his twentieth to his nine hundred
and sixty-ninth year"
Sewing machines are opposed in China
on the score that they cheaper labor.
Several tailors in Hong Kong who tried
toin troduce them were mobbed. In
America Chinese cheap labor is derid-
ed, and in China American cheap labor
by machinery is forcibly repudiated.
A county treasurer IN Alabama can't
read or write, but he has put $1,000
where no one but himself can find it.
This shows that collegiate education
isn't essential to the requirement of
wealth
| Susan Jane must have been scantily
dressed when she was looking ont for
her lover and sang:
He'll come to-night the winds at rest,
The moon is full and fair.
I'll wear the dress that pleased him best
ribbon in my hair"
A cOlored preacher down South took
for his text the words, Though after
my skin worms destroy this body, yet
in my flesh l shall see God" which he
divided into three parts as follows;
"First, skin worms; second, what they
had done, third, what the man seen after
he was eat up"
"Got anything for a sick man to read?
inquired a pug-nosed boy at news
stand the other day. eyes, anything you
want--Bibles, poems, religious books,
and SO FORTH" replied the clerk. Obi
bles" echoed the boy, "do you think
dads hangel? Gimme a lively dime
novel-one with an injun sculping SOL
ger"
A young lawyer in a country town
asked some of his friends to a game of
cards in his room, to be followed by a
little supper. Frogs were a new species
of food in that latitude, and dish of
them cooked in the choicest way was the
feature of the occasion. Supper time
approached, and during a temporary
lull in the conversation, the door sud
denly opened, and Milesian waiter, in a
loud voice, announced supped thus: Mr..
E., them tuds is done, and supper is
ready"
1t is related of George Clark, the eel
ebrated negro minstrel, that being ex-
amined as witness, he was severely in
terrogated by the attorney, who wished
to break down his evidence. "You are
in the negro minstrel business, L be-
lieve?" inquired the lawyer. "Yes sir" !"
was the prompt reply. isn't that rath
er low calling?" demanded the lawyer.
81 don't know but what it is, sir" repli-
ed the minstrel, "but it is so much bet
ter than my fathers that / am rather
proud of it." "What was your fathers
calling" "He was a lawyer" replied
Clark, in a tone of regret that put the
audience in a roar. The lawyer let him
alone.
A Providence urchin applied at the
Central Station the other day for tick
ct to the poor childern's excursion of the
Christian Association. He was asked If
he was a Christian, and he promptly
said he was. care you an honest boy?"
eyes; SIR" The phrenologist of the force
lifted the lads hat to examine his bump
of conscientlousness, when out fell a
ticket for the excursion.
1t is understood that Gen. Leggett,
Commissioner of Patents, whose resign
alton is to take effect on the 1st of Nov
ember, will shortly thereafter establish
himself as patent lawyer IN Cleveland,
Ohio. He is a native of this State, and
served with credit during the war.
Belle De Forest is the name of pref
ty orphan girl who flung herself from a
fourth-story window in Baltimore, re-
Gently, because of want and disappoint-
ment. She said, when her severe injur-
les would permit her to speak, 81 have
never yet met woman who would pity
or help me, nor have 1 found one man
who acted toward me with honor"
1t has always surprised me to see how
unfiinchingly some conscientious sojour-
ners in this vale of tears will prance
along on the thorny path of duty, if on
ly sustained by the blessed consciousness
that they are treading on somebody else's
! toes all the while.|TJohn Paul.