Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-02-06
Fl UMOR.

his arm. Will you allow Inc, gentlemen
srid he, in an humble tone of voice, to
play tune am only an amateur, and II
you prefer giving me few coppers Will
spare you the annoyance Of listening to
me.'' Every one felt at once for few
stray coppers, and the musician departed
with profound obesiance. This he re-
peated several evenings in succession. At
last one evening, a young man asked him
in friendly manner to give them tune,
good OF bad. But [ am afraid. sir, l shall
disappoint you Never mind that give
us tune But [ am a very poor player,
and I have very poor instrument No
matter for that want to hear you.'-
We'll, sir, since you insist upon it, said
the poor man, I will tell you that do not
play
SAM BUx.-We have heard many hard
tales but the following from the Virginia
'People'' removed the ''dilapidated linen
from the infant tree,'' and we cave. Says
the "Peope"; Not many miles from Snow
vile, lives preachsr, who desired to send
to the Depot for some Psalm-Books. He
wrote note and sent it by a wagner to
one of the stores in the ancient village of
Christiansburg. The clerk could not
make out what was wanted, so he returned
the note to the driver, telling him to get
the man who gave it to him to read it, and
the next time he came down he would fill
ordo bo ratIlrna6 and de
livered the message to the preacher, who
Indignantly took the note and exclaimed
why it's as plain as the nose on your face,
TOO Sam b-u-xr'
AS soon as the Congressional chaplain
closes his appeal to the Throne OF Grace
there is clapping of hands all over the
floor II is the way the members have OF
calling pages to their side. Every Con-
gresham begins his days labor by giving
an order to messenger; hence the clap
ping is universal and uproarious. We'll,
that beats me, said an elderly man in the
gallery, with mud on his boots, which
looked as though it had been brought from
the other side of the Potomac; II don't
see anything in that prayer worth cheer
ing"
Punch has hit at the domestic service
question in this question in the following
sauib Lady's maid-'Please ma. am,
wish to resign Lady-"Why, Parker
You came here only yesterday Lady's
maid-'I've been looking over your draw
ers, ma'am, and find your things are not
up to the mark, and would not do me
credit
Shocks mother and old Mr.. Stubs
were talking about little babies. Why,
said Mrs. Shocks, when l was baby,
they put me in quart pot and put the
cover over me- And did you live = was
the astonishing inquiry. They tell me
did, was the peculiar reply. well did
YOU ever,' and Mrs. Stubs fell to knitting
like one bewitched.
A wealthy farmer at Fulton, N. Y, has
this notice posted up in his field If any
mans OF woman's cows or oxen gifts IN
these air oats, his or her head will be cut
off. as the case may be. A man eye UNI,
and pay my takes, confoolizatlon to man
who let's his critter run loose said eVe.'
The secret of Ann Eliza's trouble with
Brigham is out. Brigham don't like
nnthers-in-law. Ann EliZa's mother fell
sick. and Brigham wanted her sent away.
4sFrom that Moment says Ann Eliza, 81
hated allm."
A farmer reading journal to his wife
in which WAS the sentence The Presi-
dent was received with three huzzas, pro.
nounced the last word 'hussies.' More
shame for him, exclaimed the indignant
and scandalized lady.
News is scarce in Minnesota. Ill., an eff
fort, to present something fresh, Lanes
boro PAPER has foa,la it necessary to pub
lis,, fine Ten Commandments, under an ex-
cuse of SO gentle reminder aow and then"
A little boy having broken his cooking
horse the day ie was bought, his mother
began to rebuke him. He silenced her by
5nouiring: What is the good of a horse
till it's broke 7"
The wickedest boy i'm the West is now
rerorted in Ohio, where he cut off fhree of
his toes in order that he might not receive
fine benefits of the Sunday-school instruc-
ton.
.4Came to his death while being hit on
the head with iong-handled stewpan in
the hands5f his wife, WAS the verdict in
a recent case in Illinois.
lsClosed in consequence of a debt in the
family is the communicative announce
ment on the door Of q fugitive tradesman
in a neighboring city.
The Missouri Hdrrisonian advegtises four
hundred and twenty cow-bells for saies and
explains that it took them from a hard
ware man in payment for job work.
tt was an expressive remark of a prac-
tical man regarding the woman OF the pc
riod recently She don't know enough
sir. to bile hot water
Some young chaps think teasy to enter
an old mans house because his gait is bro
ken and his locks are few.
A Washington paper is horrifed at the
thought OF bow much influence the fashion
magazines will WELD when women vote.
In pocket-pieking, as in every thing else,
a r,an never succeeds until he gets his
hand in.
A bachelor friend compares shiri~but-
ton to life, because it 50 often hangs by a
thread.
A marriage OIL railway train uay he
properly termed a railroad ties
Never kick a man when he is down. un- |
aess wou are sure he can't get up.
The home circuit Walking about with a |