Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-06-03
Humorous.

SOME allowance must of course be
made for the fact that the story comes
from London, but, however much exag- |
geration there may be in it. the brief
narrative is an excellent hit at what a
prominent clergyman has styled "oper-
attic worship" An italian gentleman
recently arrived in New York. Being a
lover of church music, on the first Sun
day in the New World he inquired OF
the bookkeeper of the Fifth Avenue
Hotel where he could find the best
church music. The quartette choir OF
Grace Church at that time being con-
sidered something extra, the gentleman
was directed there, and shown into one
of the best pews in the middle aisle,
lady occupying it with him. At the
commencement of the first chant, Mad
anne, with the usual politeness of Anne
rican ladies, han 1ed the stranger book,
pointing to the chant. The book was
politely received, but soon closed and
put down. At the second chant Madame
repeated her offer, when turning to her
with a polite bow, the gentleman said,
"Thank you kindly, but seldom use
the libretto."
A NEW way of proposing marriage Is
reported, and we give the facts for the
benefit of those interested. A gentle
man attended fair in New York, re-
Gently, and fell in love (as gentlemen
sometimes do) with a demoiselle in the
floral temple. He bought a 80 basket
of flowers, and handing her $50 bill,
said, "If you don't give me the exact
change, I'll marry you The blushing
maiden handed him back $50 (she was
probably confused), and he remarked,
II thought so." Cards will be out early
next week.
A TALL Yankee standing six feet three
inches in his stockings, was suddenly
seized with symptoms of fever. Having
a violent pain in his head, his wife to
afford him relief, was about to apply
"What are you putting them on my
feet for?' why" says she, ''to try
and draw the pain out of your head. "
''The deuce ~ says he 81 would rather
it would stay where it is than to be
drawn the whole length Of me y
The observations of a married man
have led to the conclusion that money
put into mirrors Is a good investment,
as it affords a marvellous amount of
comfort and qualification to a woman.
He says his wife thinks Just as much of
consulting her glass when she ties on
/ her apron as when she ties on her bonnet,
and while he goes to the door at oEce
when there Is a rap, she exclalms,
mercy Joseph, who is that ?" and
dashes for the looking glass.
| ANOTHER horrible scene in the British
Royal family. The Duchess of Edin-
burg had borrowed the Princess of
Wales crimping irons. In returning
them she presented the hot ends TO her
Royal Highness, who thoughtlesgly took
hold of them, and then waltzed around
with one hand between her knees for
several minutes before she could speak.
Eye witnesses of the occurrence express
their belief that the days of the Russian
Empire are numbered.
! A SIIILARITY.-''Go to Lake Cham
plain about this time," says an enthu-
siastic sportsman, "and what do you
see? Geese, geese, and nothing but
geese" Go to Washington, says the
Brooklyn Argus, and look down from
the gallery of the House of Representa-
tives, about this time, and what do you
see? Pretty much the same thing.
"DEFINE difference between expert
mental philosophy and natural philo-
sophy," said school-master to one of
his pupils. "Why, SIR" replied the
boy, experimental philosophy is ask
ing you to give us a half holiday" and
natural philosophy is your saying.
''Don't you wisE you may get 1t ?"
JOHNNY B., aged five, asked his father
if he knew why the stars were made.
The father, thinking the lad had con-
ceived some queer notion as to the use
of the heavenly bodies: ''No, do you?"
"Yes, it never rains when the stars shine,
SO they must have been made to plug
up the rain holes"
A MAN in Ann Arbor, Mich, who was
anxious to know Just how highly he was
priced by his friends, had paragraph
printed to the effect that he was dead,
and sent marked papers to them. They
did not even come to his funeral, and
his zeal for knowledge is checked.
A STUDENT chloroformed a valuable
dog, in Troy, the other day, in order to
relieve the animal from pain while his
ears were being cut off. The operation
worked to a charm. The dog did not
even wince-and never will. The dose
of chloroform was too large.
THERE is an elm eighty-four years old
and about six feet in diameter at Frank
lin, VT, and the man near whose house
it stands says that when he was a boy
he pulled it up, which made his father
so mad that he walloped him with it
and then set it out again.
WHILE a couple of women were dis
cussing, the other day, the merits of a
certain physician, one of them asked
| the other what kind of doctor it was.
"Sure, dunno" was the reply, "but l
think it's an alpaca doctor they call
him."
An awkward fellow, while trying to
stop lady's new spring bonnet which
the wind had taken from her, stepped
upon and crushed it. She looked at
him but uttered no word of gratitude
as he presented the mangled bonnet to
her.
A CHISAMAN stepped into iewelry
store in San Francisco, and inquired if
they had any ''consistencies. On be-
ing asked to explain himself, he didn't
know what consistency was, but had
been told it was a jewel.
TAKE company of boys chasing but
terflies, says cynical writer, put long
tailed coats on the boys, and turn the