The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1874-10-22

how--the cotton would get loose and
stick out and look so kind Of awful that
the children couldn't stand it no way.
sShe was always dropping it out, and
turning up her headlight on the COM
pany empty, and making them uncom-
Portable, becuz she never could tell
when it popped out, being blind on that
side, you see. So somebody would
have to bunch her and say, Your game
eye has fetched loose, Miss Wagner,
dear-and then all Of them would bave
to sit and wait till she jammed it in again
wrong side before, as a general thing,
and green as birds egg, being bash
full cretur and easy sot back before
company. But being wrong side be-
fore warn't much difference anyway,
hecuz her own eye was sky-biue, and
the glass one was yellcr on tho front
side, so whichever way she turned it,
it 6idn t match nohow. Old Miss Wag-
ner was considerable on the borrow, she
was. When she had quilting, or
Dorcas S'iety at her house, she gen ally
borrowed Miss Higgins wooden leg to
stump around on; it was considerable
shorter than the other pin, but much
she minded that
ssShe said she couldn't abide clutches
when she had company, becuz they
were so low; said when she had COM
pany and things had to be done, she
wanted to get up and hump herself.
She was as bald as a jug, and so she
used to borrow Miss Jacobs wig-Miss
Jacobs was the coffin peddler's wife
a ratty old buzzard he was, that used
to 60 roosting around where people was
sick, waiting for them; and there that
old rip would sit all day in the shade.
on coffin that he judged would fit the
scandidate and if it was slow custo-
mer and kind of uncertain, he'd fetch
his rations and blanket and sleep in
the coffin lights. He was anchored out
that way, in frosty weather, tor about
three weeks, once, before ole
place, waiting for him; and after that,
for as much as two years, Jacobs was
not on speaking terms with the old
man, on account of his disappointing
him. He got one of his feet froze, and
lost money, too, becuz old Robbins took
favorable turn and got well.
"The next time Robbins got sick.
Jacobs tried to make up with him, and
vanished up the same old coffin and
fetched it along with him, but old Rob-
bins was too many for him; he had him
in, and 'peared to be powerful weak; he
bought the coffin for ten dollars, and
Jacobs was to pay it back and twenty
more besides if Robbins didn't like the
coffin after he'd tried it. And then
Robbins died and at the funeral he
bursted off the lid and riz up in his
shroud, and told the parson to let up on
the performance, becuz he could not
stand such coffin as that. You see he
had been in trance once before when
he was young, and he took the chances
on another, cal'lating that if he made
the trip it was money in his pocket,an
if he missed fire he couldn't lose cent.
And by George he sued Jacob for the
rhino and got Judgment; and he set up
the coffin in his back parlor and said
he lowed tie take his time, now. 1t was
always an aggravation to Jacobs, the
way that miserable old thing acted.
''Hs moved way back to Indiany
pretty soon-went to Wellsville-W els
Vile was the place the HogadoZas was
from. Mighty fine family. Old Mary
land stock. Old Squire Hogadom could
carry around more mixed Ticker. and
cuss better than most any man | ever
see. His second wife was the Wilder
Billings--she that was Becky Martin; her
dam was Deacon DunlapS first wife.
Her oldest child, Maria, married mis-
sionary and died in grace-et up by
the savages. They ct him. too, poor
feller-biled him. 1t wasn't the custom.
so they say: but they explained to
friends of his'n that went down
there to bring away his
things, that they'd tried missionaries
every other way and never could get
any good out of 'em-and so it annoyed
all his relations to find out that that
mans life was fooled away just out of a
dern d experiment, SO to speak. But
mind you, there amt anything ever
reelv lost ; every thing that people cam
understand and don't see the reason of
does good if you only hold on and give
it fair shake; Providence don't fire
10 blank ca 'triges, boys. That there
missionary's subsistence, unbeknowns
to himself. actu'ly converted every last
one of them heathens that took chance
at the barbecue. Nothing ever fetched
them but that. Don't tell me it was
accident that he was billed. There
aim no such thing as an accident.
when my Uncle Lem was leaning
up agin scaffolding once, sick or drunk
or suthin, an Irishman with bod full
of bricks fell on him out of the third
story and broke the old mans back in
two places. People said it was an &C
cident. Much accident was about that.
He didn't know what he was there for.
but he was there for good object. II
he hadn't been there the Irishman
would have been killed. Nobody can
ever make me believe anything
different from that. Uncle
LENS dog was there. Why didn't the
Irishman fall on the dogs Becuz the
dog would q seen him coming and
stood from under. That's the reason
the dog warn't appinted. A dog can t
ho demanded ON fo carry ont Spoe.al