Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-04-24
Hmmurous skstebes.


taking swig out of the dernijohn.
No, we answered.
Bile. you see, continued Joe, was jest
leetle the contrariest, overbearinest, crack
headedest cuss that ever ratified COM
moonity's temper. He had bluebearded
three wives 10 death, an he'd Jest tackled
fourth. In fact, the honey was har'ly
over-though l guess there was more vine
gar N honey into it-when Bic an par
Gel more on us was yanked up afore Jedge
Grimm to serve onto a jury.
In ev'ry case we tried we stood 'leven to
one, an Bile was one. The jedge got mad
at last, an thraitened in the next case that
come up he'd keep us at it till we did agree.
1t was one of them pesky hoss-swappin'
cases. Bill Banter d put of onto Hi Greene
a sor'l critter with a false eye an artiii-
cial tail The eye was found layin' into
the mango one mornin', an the furst time
the hoss got wet his tail came onglued and
drnpt oil.
The evidence showed that Hid been par
tic'lar to ak about the eyes, an Bill ID said
the animal had as good an eye as the next
hoss. Bill, howsoever, offered to prove
that the next hoss to his'n at the time was
stone blind, but the court ruled that out.
After q sarchin' charge from the jedge,
we retired TO our room, his honor fust ad-
monshin' us that, ef we didn't agree this
time. he'd make an example on US to all
futur' juries.
Ii looked like Il plain case most on us
thought, an we'd strong hopes that for
oHc't Bic would listen to reason. But the
fust vote we took showed how fur we was
out in our reck'nin. 'Leven on us stood
for givin' the plaintiff damiGges, but Bile
was unanimous for the defendant, an he
said he'd be drot eshe didn't eat his boots
afore he'd cave.
We tried 10 argy with him insisted that
il was a clear case of fraud, an called at
tention to the strong points in the judges
charge.
But Bile had his own views. He said
Bill d only said the hoss he'd a good eye,
which couldn't be cOnstrood as meanin'
t,co good eyes : while, in regards Of the tail,
nothing d ben said, nary way (; an where
there was no warrantee, n mans eyes was
his market. He said that was good hoss-
law, an he knowed it, an didn't care 4
continental echat the jedge said.
So we jawed over N over it till we was
tired, but no use Bile still hung out.
When the court lei out, the jedge ordered
us 10 be took to supper, an then to be lock
edup.
don't want TO dwell onto the miseries o.
that night. We worried through somehow
Till tie court took up next mornin', when
the ledge he'd US brung out, lookin' for all
the world like so many pennytent tomcats
arter nights mootooal misunderstanding.
"IIev you agreed onto verdict, gentle
men ?'' said he.
mo, we heven't" says the foreman,
sulkin'.
There's no hurry" says the jedge
smilin'; ''the termp last q couple Of tceekS
yet. The sherif1ll take you to breakfast
now, an then you may resoom your delb-
erations.''
Arter breakfast We felt little pearter,
an some on US picked up heart to make
another set at Bile; but he was headstrong-
er an ever, an said we'd ought TO be
ashamed on ourselves, so we'd ought, to
take advantage o. numbers TO bully an
honest mans conscience.
While we was breakfast the foreman "a
managed 10 get hold o the county paper,
which had jest come out that mornin', and
to while away the time, he began TO read
il.
.'Hollo - said he whats this -
What's what ?'' says we.
Listen here SAYS he, proceedin' to
read
Startling Runor.-The town is greatly
excited this morning by the rumored clope-
ment of Mrs. B., the wife of prominent
citizen. She took advantage, it is said, of
her husbands absence on public duty to
carry out her plan. 4 marked feature in
the affair is that the lady has scarcely been
married a month.
"Woat's that ?'' screeches Bile Bope, in
an outburst o. terror.
The foreman read il over agin' slow an
solemn. Now Bile was as jealous as that
'ere dark-complected chap ir the play.
Besides, there want no other Mrs. B. in
ho ,,looo iat ial ,ha,, 4boro
was the circumstances Of the husbands
absence on public duty. Bile had no doubt
that the Mrs. j. allooded to was his own
wife.
"Let me out - he yelled. runnin' full
butt at tie door.
''Not TIL you've agreed onto verdic', )"
says the bailif, through the key hole.
"I-I-I'll agree to anything :" splutters
Bic. For goodness sake, hurry gentle
men-a thousand dollars damidges, if you
like,''
We said we thought that was rather
high.
''-1ny thing, go it's done quick ~ be gasp
ed, ag'ny. We could hardly keep him from
jumpin' out o. the winder, while some on
us pertended to dicker about the amount
we should bring in, jest 10 torment him.
AZ last ev'ry thing was fixed, an we
went into court, give in our verde, an
was dooly discharged.
Bic was rushin' out on the double-quick
with murder in his eye, when the foreman
stopped him.
81 think you're lab'rin' under some mis-
take, Mr.. Bope," says he "that there piece
Treod, you see, IS from a California paper,
an must be at least month old."
AN EDITORS CoNFEsSIoN.-An editor
of a Western paper gives the following as
TO his editorial career:
Report. Times.
Been asked 10 drink II, ,332
Drank ll,332
Requested 10 retract 4lG
Didn't retract 4lG
I'll