The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1874-05-29
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the doctor. '.It's owing to the fact
that they come in the world minus
the power of speech La, mi p
remarked the old lady; ''now jist
see what It's tew hev physic edica-
ton I've axed my ole man huns
dred times that air same thing, an
all that could ever git out nv him
was, kase they is Y
A farmer wanted farm hand and
was applied to By an Irishman who
wanted to work. The farmer OBJ
jected to engaging Pat on the ground
that two Irishmen previously in his
employ had died on his hands
"Then you object to hiring me for
that do YET" said Pat. "Faith and
/ can bring you recommendations
from many a place where I've work.
ed that never played such a
trick y
A Nebraska journal invitingly
says: ''Who says farmers cannot
get rich 10 this State 7 Fifteen
long, weary years ago young
man came to this State without a
dollar in the world. Last week he
went out of the State carrying with
him the sum of one dollar and thirty
eight cents, the savings of fifteen
years Of frugal life. Come West,
young men, como West"
II suppose" said a physician
smiling and trying to be witty while
feelingIthe. pulse of a patient who had
reluctantly submitted to solicit his
advice: 81 suppose you think me a
bit Of humbug." "Sir, grayely re.
piled the sick man, was not aware
that you could discover q mans
thoughts by merely feeling. his
pulse.n
A man and wife were discussing
the chances Of the former having q
second wife, when the present rib
remarked Well, your second wife
shan't have my clothes to put on
airs with, for every dud Of them shall
be burned. (Which leads me TO in>
fer, replied the cruel husband, with
a sardonic grin, "that you probably
intend taking them with you
A husband got angry with his
wife and locked TIER up. AZ dinner
time, TO mortify her, he sent her a
bone BY his son. The little fellow
knocked at the door, saying, "Moth-
err, father says here's a bone for you
to pick" "TeIl him he's not your
father, and there's a bone for him to
pick
Good takers are becoming rare
now a-days, but are occasionally to
be met with. OF one whose con-
versation is very entertaining but
rather disconnected, witty lady
once remarked, ooh, yes, he's very
clever, but he talks like a book in
which there are leaves occasionally
missing
Eli where did you get them
trousers ~ asked on 1rishman Of q
man who happened to be passing
with pair Of remarkably short
trousers on. II got them where
they grew" was the indignant res
| ply. "Then, by my conscience, /"
said Paddy, you've pulled them a
year too soon !"
An Indiana lawyer used the word
"disparagementv in his plea, and
the judge told him il he couldn't
quit using Latin words he could sit
down. The lawyer undertook to
define bis position and was fined
twenty dollars for contempt Of court.
Webster's dictionary contains over
fifty thousand words Jones says
when he came home late the other
night, in the space Of fifteen min
utes his wife applied them all to
him, including some extra ones and
the fire shovel.
An exchange declares that "Ben
Butler would be happy If he could
get his vignette on the ten-cent shin
pIasters." No doubt of it, but he
would be much happier If be could
get his hands on them.
An old bachelor says that women
are so fond Of appearance that if you
could make them believe there were
no looking>glasses in heaven, they
would set no more value on saliva
ton than they do on a poor relation.
L. G. Hopkins, the great dry
goods merchant Of Cincinnati, is go-
ing to retire after thirty years bus>
mess, rich and bonored. Advertis-
ing did 1.-THE spent $4,000 in a
single year in the newspapers.
South Norwalk, Connecticut, has
produced eight sets of twins with
in the last two months, and when
Susan B. Anthony approached the
place she got out Of the train and
walked around IL.
An exchange asks: Is there any
thing man cannot do7 To which
DIR. Wood, of the Glasgow, KY,
Times, replies Yes, sir we have
never known one to snckle baby.