Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-08-06
THIS An 3 THAT.

s1SiaCtlOu l1dt people WHO are ODllqcO TO
remain in the city get from this, is the
hope that tho old bull mosquitoes will
loaf around the back yards at night and
eat up the tom cats. .@ -
A stuttering broker In New York lately
asked another, who had bald pate, why
his head was like h-hash IN q b-boarding
house. The disguised friend, on admit
ting that he didn't know, was informed
that twas because th-there's h.hair
:h.h-here and th-therc.
A young husband took his wife to .
soda fountain, last evening, and looked
lsolemnly at the man who asked them
.what syrup ~ said he would take
crusade" Imagine his horror when
she said she would try some too. He
laughed feebly, but the cold sweat stood
in great drops on his clammy brow; but
fortunately the soda man never lost his
presence Of mind, and while the husband
threw in an extra dose of crusade, )" his
wife made q wry face over ginger. She
will never try "crusade" again.
Young America, altil ough usually wide
awake, in due time becomes sleepy; as
did little Dickey, one evening. His
grantlm other put him to bed, and, as Was
her custom, read him a chapter in the
bible. remarking: Now, Dickey, have
read you whole chapter; you must 20
to sleep" No, grandma, / amt sleepy
now; read me anothcr.n The old lady
complied, and said: Now you must 70
to sleep; / have read you two chapters. y
$ $ No, not yet; read one mOre-reall : the
rubber grandma!" What else could the
good woman dol E5s 4. $T
While a couple of women were discus,
sing the other day the merits Of certain
physician, one Of them asked the other
what kind of a doctor he was. :. Sure, /
Dunno was the reply, !" but I think it's
an alpaca doctor they call him."
& "A man who was seen coming ont Of q
Texas newspaper Office with his nose
split open, one eye gouged ont and an ear
chawed Of, explained to policeman that
he was not Q subscriber to the paper-he
had simply entered the office to ascertain
IF the editor was in. "Aud he was II. !"
he mournfully added. .=
a young girl who had an offer of mar.
rage which she wanted to accept, sub.
mitted the matter to her father, who
advised her against matrinony, using as
an argument the quotation from st. Paul,
They who marry do we'll, but they who
do not do better" Wei, }" said the dam
Gel, 81 love to do well; lot those do better
who cam 1;5s ,*i
A little fellow i've or SIX years old, who
had been wearing under-shirts much too
small for him, was, one day after being
washed, put into q garment as much too
large as the Others had been too small,
Our SIX year-old shrugged his shoulders,
shook himself, walked around, and finally
burst out with, Ma, lido feel awful lone.
some ia this shirt N :.3F .,s. .s:ys.
Tho Peoria woman who wanted to
throw herself into her husbands grave q
few months ago, has just married light
ming rod man. RS .-,3 +.
Have you damp sheets in you hotel ~
inquired the fastid ious old party at the
- House, the other evening, after he
had written. his name and handed his
carpet bag to the hall boy, preparatory to
ascending to the room assigned him. g
don't think we have any on hand just
.noW,' answered the bald Headed clerk,
/" but I'll order pair put under q faucet
for you, sir, directly . Bastidious old
party and bald-headed clerk adjourn to
the bar. :.8.' IS
q certain " Uncle James" Of our &C.
quainta1ce, whose execution is not quite
equal to his peri for the violin,
was paid . delicate eft-handed com phi.
ment the other night by his little niece,
who, on being awakened some time In
o ~ s,ns.I ruly :. .1e nlgas ~ sas mice
the window, naivelyiemarked : q fslnma.
p don't Alike 70 hear Uncle James plsys %
q violin - rovidence Press.
q party sat down e The veil spread
Hb3c o ,ap - s.. d,shs poa
st nodcrste size. A serfous lookine n.
dividual. drew this dish toward him, ~
Ing apologettcally : This e last day
mex ,d % or e n lin q.
and transferred # 70 his own plate, 10
,,ns,aa il &c :. you seppose g, tn: :
''e- - ). -. - =. -. B.
scor s ~ a 'an "a. = ~ nsve
IA conrse msdam rs W r ~ ~
|.!Mslles-NoI The g. g, there. !.