The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-09-02

uoopHuS W io@e Ia" SLo hoo'eS a.
built on, fools heads . -
Mohammedanism- has been defncv
asethat blessed religion which make
people wash themselves"
Themost serious charge yet, mad
against Mr. Beecher ,sis that he wa
the first man to offcrra chrome t,
subscribers. ... .,..,.
A lady barber has been driven on
of Dubuque by the married ladies O
thatsplace. The, latter thought sh'
.scraped acauaip ptancc too easily.
slfsanything will impress the hu
man mind with awe, it is the cxpres
81 IN. Of the mans face who has jus
abeen aroused from snoring in church
A Kentucky exchange says, "witl
she. Beginning of the year we vii
reduce our business to a cash basis
Cord wood and potatoes taken tol
subscriptions"
3 Colfornia housckeepcrs have dis
covered one little objection to Chi
nese cooks. When John gets ont Of
spirits and discontcnted he is apt to
poison The whole family.
This brief chronicle was writtcn by
the editor of the Philadelphia Led,
ger: "Lowcll-Saturday. Two little
boys and q pistol. Now, only one
little boy and pistol"
a Milwaukee woman, far gone with
consumption, begged the doctor to
give her something that would keep
her up until the verdict Of the Beech,
;er Committee was published.
A California newspaper chronicles
the fact that defaulting treasurer
from that State has "turned up" in
one of the Fiji Islands, where he has
a plantation and a flock Of native
wives.
The people of Delaware want to
have big race for Governor, but We
,ean't see how they possibly can, un-
less they get permission to run it in
some other State.
A young lady in Milwaukee tainted
away when her lover called and found
ner bare-footed, but a Chicago girl
would have kicked his hat off as She
cried "good morning"
A Prince Of Italy, whose domain
was Of small extont, ordered person
out of it in tN enty-four hours. "r-.e
Prince has been very liberal, for |
can quit it in half an hour" answered
the banished man. ,7-I .m' .r.
A Cape May youth used the deeds
ofzhis fathers farm for gun wads
The stamp on the bottom Of the doc
ument wasn't anything like the i'm.
preston the old man made on the
.same partof the lads anatomy. ..
ATape-worm Johnny is tbs cuphe,
:mistic name Of an individual in St
Louis, whose avoracious appetite has
frightened the. hotel keepers TO such
an extent that they refuse him adj
mission to their dining rooms. ,e.
Anew game called granger seven
.up" is announced. Three persons
play for a can of oysters. The. first
man out gets the oysters, the last
man gets the oyster can, and the
'"midrlle man. don't get anything.
One reason why indianapolis has
so many burglaries is because tel-
low has to "crack" from six to twelve
houses to get money enough to pay
his railroad fare ont Of town. ..
Engaging candor: Papa - aAnd
pray, sir, what do you intend to set
ttlc on my daughter? and how do you
mean to live ?" Intended-"I intend,
sir, to settle myself on your daught-
rer, and live. on you!"
A small boy, telling his "pals" how
ihe came to be detected stealing apples
in q grocery store, proceeded: "Well, !
didn't care so burned much about bein'
seen, bat the clerk was croSS-eycu, an |
thought he was watchin' q dorg fight
1crosr the street, but he was lookin'
square unto me, and he helped HE clean
iuto the gutter"
The Egyptian Khedive wants navy,
and to further that object is deSirOus of
Crete, Rhodes, Cyprus and
Morea as these places are p"sSes sed of
excellent harbors, and are well timber
ed. The Sublime Porte, however, OBJ
iects, and the Khedive is without
navy.
The Danbury man says: "Ono En-
glish dinner in the inexperienced
stomach will produce tn at
night, II cross-eyed lyons, Shears
with calico tails, II giants wi tn illu-
minated heads, l awful dog with l2
legs, and IA bow-legged ruffians
chased by a host Of piratical cauli-
flowers, mounted on saddles of beef.
roasted. Any respectable chemist
will corroborate this statement"
A Columbia clergyman, who, while
preaching sermon on Sunday even
ing, perceived y man and woman
under the gallery in the act Of kiss
ing each other behind hvmn book,
did not lose his temper. No! he re-
maincd calm. He beamed mildly at
the defenders over his spectacles, and
when the young man kissed her the
fifteenth time, he merely broke his
sermon short off in the middle Of
"thirdly," and offered fervcnt pray
er in behalf of "the young man in the