The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-03-18
SCRAPS.

How to make a slow horse fas
Don't feed him.
A Circuit Court-Thc longes
way home from singing-school.
An exchange tells of an "under
taking wisely abandoned before /
was begun
An impocunious citizen said tEt
only change he was allowed wa
that of the weather.
A Pennsylvania farmer offers
premium chrome with every loat
of manure bought of him.
The editor Of a weekly papej
says: "TNcre has been another
burglary in town since our last"
Bookkeeping may be taught in ;
. single lesson of three Words-ney
er lend them.
The first thing a promising
youth said to dog presenting hi:
nose at his heels, was: "Go away
DO you think I'm a bone?"
The Troy Wing pretends to ali
those pretty girls that are missing
from Western towns are in Troy.
Don't. believe it.
A butcher recently found a shawl
pin in a COW he was cutting up in
to steaks. It is supposed the ami
nal had swallowed q milkmaid.
Broker -"How are you of for
money this moming?'' Cashier
II am off with what little money
there was in the bank. Good-by." "
A superannuated minister says,
"I have been guilty of doing one
thing for which the church will not
forgive me: | have grown DID,"
An Iowa gentleman recently shot
postmaster for refusing to lick a
postage stamp for the amiablc and
accomplished wife Of the shooter.
Justice Taines, Of Chicago, has
decided that editor are professional
men, aud that their scissors, paste
pot, ETC., cannot be seized for debt.
Adam had one consolation when
he fell: Fifteen or twenty acquain-
tances didn't stand on the opposite
corner and laugh al his mishap.
The bee-keepers have failed to
determine how much honey a sin
gle bee produces in a year This
important subject shonld not be
overlooked.
eyes, my hearers said a Wis
consin minister, ''little Johnny
Glen started into heaven by way OF
an air-hole on Grass Lake, and he
is happy now"
A man writes to an editor for
four dollars, "because he is so ter
ribly short" and gets in reply the
heartless response: ''Do as I do
stand upon chair
There are two reasons why some
people don't mind their own busi-
ness. One is that they haven't
any business, and the other is that
they haven't any mind.
Two hearts that beat as one are
singularly 'obiivious to mud. We
never knew man in love to circu-
late petition for new pavement
or an additional lamp-post.
An OK that had been eating fer
mented grain, which was in prepa-
ration for making ale, became in
toxicated, and was offered for sale
by his owner as "corned'' beef.
The following advertisement is
posted near a Wescern depot on
the front, of a small restaurant:
*'Lunch twenty-five cents; dinner,
fifty; a real gorge, seventy-tive
cents" :: .; : '''.....
The editor of the Troy Wig
asked his Satan, "How many scru-
Piles there should be in a drachm;" )"
and all the little wretch answered
was that arithmetic wouldn't warm
his stomach in winter.
Chester Pike broke his leg in
Concord and was carried home.
His wife was frightened, and in
running to meet him fell over a
dog, breaking her arm. Now, if
we could only find out what hap
pened to the dog.
The shortest and surest way to
live with honor in the world, is to
be III reality what you appear to
be-; and if we observe, we shall
find that ell human virtues increase
and strengthen themselves by the
practice and experience Of them.
One editor says: ''This paper
has one subscriber who would lie
awake nights if he were in any
way prevented from paying his
subscription for year in advance
on the 2Sth of January. We don't
want our friends to lose any sleep,