The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

public spirited young man perform the job, Sc
that the row may cease.
Now nobody can deny to his fellow man the
luxury Of scratching. 1t is included in that
pursuit of happiness for which our Revolution
airy Fathers fought and bled.
Did the ancients have anything like our pc.
lice system ?--HelgouS En- Why yes, you idjut'
Wasn't Jacob a peeler? Don't you remember
about the willow wands and striped cattlc?-S
LO0tS JoIr.
Louisville wants an ordinance 70 prevent her
citizens from throwing guilds of tobacco in the
street. One Guild will oftcntimcs blockade a
street.
A country exchange gets off the following on
delinquent subscribers:
Looking over an old ledger, we see long
array OF names Of former subscribers who are in
debted TO US. Some of them have moved away,
and are lost to sight, although to memory dear.
Others are carrying the contribution boxes in
tire most respectable churches, and others again
have died and are angels in heaven, but Owe us
Just the same
The Duke OF Brunswick, whose age is eighty
six, is going to marry girl Of eighteen. He'll
probably do just as lie peases about it, but it's
some satisfaction to gall him Il blamed old boot
jack-F'Ue Press,
The State Journal man signs in verse thus:
The melancholy days have come,
The saddcst OF the year;
It's most too warm for whisky,
a little too cold for beer
A Missouri editors name is Wufadam. His
paper, il is sald, isn't. But an editor in Toledo,
whose name is Alfred B. Jazes, does not display
ii al the head Of his paper.
One beauty in the health-lift is that it excrcis
es al the muscles Of the body at once. IL is much
more valuable as an exercise than holding a
hundred and forty pound girl on your lap half
the night, but on the whole not 50 satisfactory
II .llc1ukec Seat.
Stephen JteTn nit frau and II KID IS one item
in the Storage list Of late Hamburg steamer.
man was knocked down on the Avenue Fri
day morning, by q friend, to whom he was re-
pea,Ig the beautiful snow.'-CarlinVHe Dem.
At recent wedding, according to report, the
jellies upon the bridal supper tables were pure
amber masses of quvering translucence, catch
ing the wine colored prisms Of perfumcd light,
and holding them in tremulous mirrors Of rosy
beauty.'-Bostoh Glob,.
That's enough 10 send a man of To propose to
tie uglest woman he knows, on the bare chance
Of having such things as that for supper.
Upon the marriage Of one of her companions,
little girl ABOUT eleven years OF age, OF the
same school, said to her pa: Why, don't you
think Amelia Is married, and she hasn't gone
through fractions yet.
The child did, not know that for such enterprises
it was only necessary to learn additon.-E PdSo
Journal
The engagement of Maud and Adolphus is off;
and Mauds biz brother has punched his nose
for asking her to come out into the woodland
dearest and the bpaufiful La re- limbs Modest
Maud'-Ch. TW'ss
An enthusiastic editor in Mississippi deyelopes
thusy over the result Of the late elections:
Once more the Anglo Saxon walks erect, his
eve proudly beaming with the glad light of tri.
umph and his breast hcaving with the undying
spirit of freedom. Once more the children OF the
conqueror and the descendants of Alfred and
Edwards glory in their ancestry and fling the
standard Of white supremacy TO the fragrant
breeZes Of the Southland, and the shouts of the
victorious and unconqucrable Caucasian ascend
n the grand diapasOn to the eternal throne of
liberty
The eclipse was not all mOonshinc, but that
tax about the caTth's shadow was humbug
Chicago girl raised her foot to scratch her ankle
and the foot got between the sun and the moon
-Hihoddtec SeGt.
Il seems that Speaker Blaine has n remarkably
large nose. This, as everybody knows, is one o
TIE CuhfacltTlhLCb OF Dul III ALSO luG
r.shes reason why he should not be elected
President. il will cost the country too much I,
color tina. nOse.-E5.
We could suggest several in this vicinity al
ready properly colored.
The Evansville Couri,r speaks of the luna
eclipse as one Of the grandest of national phe
uOmena.' We have always thought the American
moon the lOveliest Of her sex.-N. i. Mad
4 little boy, when asked who was the strongcs
man, promptly replied, Mister Limburger.'-
N9ytolca Herald
The boys father keeps beer saloon and set.
out free lnnch.
When Virginia druggist makes fatal mis-
take they take him out into the forest TO qucs
4 IN him and BE- gets 50 confused that he choke.
- Death.
He StoOl in Charleston square and gazcd a
the lines Of lamps that mark the excavations I'M
I'll his brain reelcd, and he confdentally muir
INJURED - a passing policeman: 'Geevui, d'y
.hink this secUnd-rate torchlght procession vii
move, tonight: Your slow lot, here, anyhow
- Boston GtoJs.
The body n man murdered at Little Roc
rad thiriy-fOnr bullets in il, and the prinic.
thought that the obituary ought TO be loaded.
The obituary poet has escaped from the lun.
tic aEylum and here is his last:
Twelve dollars and costs,
In the case Of John Wade,
lie TO stand committed
Until it il paid
HCoi Irwin, Of the State Journal, who delight
in perseeu;lDg the good, Shoots of his mouii
q; Us in this xsy again, and ever comes to Car