The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-07-17
MODERN TACTICS.

Thore was Hubbard. He droye
up to the door, unloaded a sewing
machine, and said il we wanted
machine which would do all kinds of
work, run easily, hem, tuck, ruille,
gather, braid, and bo thing Of Joy
forever, and forty days more, we
shouldn't fail to buy the lightning
Singer" [ bought it, and, when,
after week, be wanted certificate,
cheerfully wrote one:
"This is to certify that I have had
a lightning Singer in my house
Tor some time past, and wouldn't
be without it for twice its cost. 1t
hadn't been in my house half day
before my son recovered from the
whooping- cough, and my wife found
ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. l
think it the best machine ever made,
/ can't bear to go to bed and leave
it."
He said he was ever so many times
obliged, and he hadA't got out OF
sight before Kilroy drove up with
the "Thunder g. Blazes" machine.
He began to snuff at the other ma
chine; said we'd been terribly hum
bugged, and that his machine was
the only frst-class machine in the
market.
| NY wife began to cry, and he
soothed her BY offering to trade his
machine for the other, which he
could sell for old iron. and $50 to
boot. We made the trade. He said
the "Thuuder & Blazos" would make
any kind OF stitch, sew any kind OF
fabric, and out-run anything but a
: locomotive. He came around the
next week, with certificate all writ
, ten out, and / signed it;
"This is to certify that ! have
+ gained ten pounds of flesh per day
since purchasing your machine, and
that NY wife hadn't run it half an
9 hour when her uncle died and left
t her two hundred thousand dollars.
0 Not one Of the children has had a
d cold since the day the "Thnnder Y
Blazes" came through the gate. II
plays easily, the strings are not liable
II to snap, the stops are easy to man
: age. and it is the only nsachine in thu
/ world which onn be operated by
red-headed woman with cork leg
IT I can stay out until eleven o'elocl
't every night now, and my wife hasn'
word to say. Formerly she used ~
|, four rolling pins, costing two shill
:, inGs each, per week. 80, q
7 Then McManus came. I told mr
d we had the best machine in the MAI
l, ket, he asked to look at it. He hadn
Of fairly got his eye on the 'Thunder
ut Blazes' before he commenced t
TO laugh, !,
"Ho-ho-hoP he shouted, as h
Q, dropped on O chair-''it will kill m
h, did you ever--oh ho-hoP'
! sternly asked the cause of h
it hilarity, and he replied that Kilrc
had swindled us--taken us in--chea
3. ed us stone blind. The "Ihund'
er & Blazes" wasn't worth dam, /
a said was. an old machine inyentt
by a blind man and patented by
fool.
-er Ny wife began to weep.
'ut "But," said McManus, "there W
od tho machine, Chained Earthquake
I'd; II was the machine, and all 9th
nd machines were base limitations. v
lat might try it, and if it didn't suit
'p- wouldcut his thront with bri
saw. We tried it, and when
came with his certificate, / signed
IN "This is to certify that your Sc
my ing machine hos saved mo ten /
wy cent. in fuel, and twenty per cent.
tta hay md corn since we purchased 1t,
ch' licked an alderman, pulled u scho
nd, masters nose, and kicked memt
hts of the legislature the second day
-tta ter we got the Machine, and we h
not owned it week when ! fou
INST where could get trusted for m
and wood, and discovered q ilt
osl- shed unlocked. II will sew anythi
t. from o leg of mutton to q New Hon
ing shire mountain. There hasn't b'
'y.er cloud since the machine first stt
ing ed. and the moon now rises
u a hours earlier and lasts all night.
pay one should be without it.
'ity, He took the certificate with a
you umphant smile, and ---
you But must leave off here: Far
worth has just called with the Of
ak, Jeweled Duplex High Low" mach
o. the only leading machine in n
ana ket, and he is telling me how he
and, swindled by McManus.