davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

JONES OF NEVADA AS SpELLER-In
the days when "boiled shirts" were Sun
day luxury, the owners ofthose articles had
their names stamped on the bands below
the plaits, and as the fashion of vests was
not tolerated at time (this was not in the
earlier years of the reign of George ILL.,
the name of man could be easily ascer-
tanned by glaueing at the waistband, which
was fully exposed to view. On one occa-
sion Mr.. Jones had attired himself hastily
and in the hurry had put on shirt stamp
ed with the name of his room mate
J. Owens. "Hello" said a friend,
you've borrowed billed shirt for your
holiday" .Oh, no." said Jones, "this
is my shirt" "Well, there's another
mans name on it" pointing to the con-
vincing proof, u. Owens" But, quick
as a flash, when Jones saw his mistake,
he turned it to his advantage: "Oh,
that is the way our Welsh folks spell the
family name, J-o-w-e-nss, Joweus, or
Jones. as you call it, Dye see t"-Alto
Californian.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

RAvAeEs OF THE BR1r1sm IN M1ppLEsEx

hAVAGES OF THE BRITISH IN MIDDLESEX
County, NEW JERSEY The British occu-
pied the town of New Brunswick and its
vicinity (including Six mile Run, Middle
bush, Piscataway, Bonhamton, and Wood
bridgo) from December 2, 1776, till June
%, 1777. During their stay they levied
severe contributions upon all who espoused,
or were in any way connected with those
who espoused, the side of independence !;
and their outposts and foraging parties
pillaged the people without mercy With
in this brief period Of six and a half
months the old book of inventories shows
that the British spoiiated 664 persons, and
burned over 100 dwellings, mills, and other
buildings within the limits Of Middlesex
County and it is probable that there were
others that are not recorded. The assess
ed value of the property thus destroyed,
as given in the old relic we are consider
ing, was ESQ, ,214, which, counting eight
shillings to the dollar, and considering
that one dollar in ITS was equivalent to
three dollars at this day, was equal to a
total of S646,6 COS Of our present currency.
The severity of this loss may be more
clearly estimated if it is borne in mind
that the total population of the county in
ITS was about 10000. If from this
number are deducted 1900 negroes, and
700 adult white males who were not heads
of families, the population over whom all
this devastation was distributed did not
exceed 10 900, of whom only one-6fth, or
1000, were house holders. So that one
out of every three householders was pill
laged, and one in twenty had house
| burned.
We are shown by this old record that
in the forays which were made by the
British during this time the dinner pre-
pared by the family was often ravished
from the table, especially by their auxil-
ares, the Hessians, whose avidity for
plunder and brutal outrage drew upon
them the execrations of the people. No
regard was paid to age or sex. Even
articles Of female wear-indeed every
thing, however minute, which had any
value-were swept into the capacious nav
Of these rapacious mercenares Again
and again the people were required to
furnish meals for large parties of llessians
and forage for their horses, and the de-
mand was enforced at the point Of the
bayonet. On one occasion a party OF
thirty of these marauders quartered them
selves upon a single family in the town Of
Woodbridge, demanding breakfast and
supper. The eowardly plunderers usurped
the seats of the family at table, forced
them to wait upon them, and not content
with this ndignity, drank or stole twenty
gallons of rum, five gallons of brandy,
and barrel of cider which the goodman
of the house had stored in his cellar in
brighter days; and when they departed
they robbed his wife of her store of stock
ings and the blankets from her beds, and
drove off his three cows and his .fne
eight -year-old mare. From "a Glimpse
Of 'seyontySix,'o' by Charles D. Deshler,
in Harper's Magazine for Jaly.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04
0Nit and 4umor.

A BAFFLED BARBER-A travelling
friend of the Observer was at Rochester
the other day, and dropped into barber
shop near the Osburn House to get shaved
After he had been deprived of the useless
hairs upon his face, and portion of his
skin, by garrulous and clumsy knight
of the razor, the following dialogue ensued !:
"Have cut?" Victim-"No, it was cut
last week, and I'm in a hurry" Artist
Cooking at the clock )-'You have plenty
Of time before the train goes East" Vic
tim-'Pm not going East y Barber
"Oh, then you are in no hurry Had
your dinner :" Victim (rather grufHy)-
"Yes!' Barber (still toying with our
friends waving locks)-"W way are
you going?" West-if l ever
get out of this shop!' Barber-"H
far 7" Victim-"B Buffalor' Barber-"Oh,
ho Buffalo, eh? You can't get your
hair cut decently in Buffalo. There is
only one good barber there and he's drunk
half the time Shall cut it? The train
don't leave for half an hour ?" Victim
(thorougbly enraged )-"Look here, you
wooden headed numskull, and listen.
don't want bay rum! don't want any
more of your tongue, information, or impu
dence! I do want you to finish this job
and if you don't close your internal lather
box and let me out of this chair I'll saw
your thick head off with one of your dul
nutmeg grating razors! Do you hea
that?' The astonished nuisance compre
hended. - Utica Observer
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

UNFoRTuNArE.-That Danbury dyspep-
sia eurer says in his bunch of items -
Another match broken up. This between
clerk in a well known dry goods store
and lady on Essex street. 1t was SO
warm ON Friday evening, that she had the
window up, and he stood on the lawn, and
they were cooling to each other, and he
was just reaching up for another kiss
when the sash came down like a flash, and
knocked off the peak of his nose and
scalped his chin, and he hoped around
so madly, and howled so dreadfully, tha,
the old gentleman thought be was drunk
and had him kicked out of the yard with a
great deal of ostentation. Monday morn
ing he went West.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

G1T. The other evening as We were
prowling around town we overheard the
following interesting conversation in a
porch on Market Street. The characters
were an ardent young lover, bis sweet
heart and the gals old man. The love-
sick swain was quoting from Bulwer' 5
beautiful play of the Lady Of Lyons,
while the fair young plant hung on his
arm, signing like dying hoss fly.
''Dearest,' said he, if thou wouldst
have me paint the home, to whish--
could love fulfill its prayer-this hand
would lead thee, listen"
About this time the old man stuck his
night-capped head out the window and
shouted:
IF you don't git for that home darned
quick, I'll paint your right eye and lead
you out the gate by the left ear Ange-
lima, 60 tc bed"
The way that young American shot
through the gate would have done honor
to yeller dorg with tin pan tied to his
tail. As he past by US we accostcd him
thusly:
"Whither dost thou fly, gentle youth p
And he replied:
30, you be d-d"
And we left the spot, absorbed in deep
meditation, our thoughts inyoluntarily
turning to that line of Williams:
''The course of true love never did run smooth" "
-Neutoun Record C Gazette
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04
A CONFIRMED SMoKER.-A Sacrament

A CONFIRMED SMoKER-A Sacramento
gentleman lately saw little boy leaning
against post in the eastern portion OF
the city putting encrgetically at full
grown cigar, and succeeding in drawing
from it quite volume of smoke He felt
such evident interest in the job he had un-
dertaken that the citizen concluded to in
teryiew him, and accordingly, drawing a
cigar from his pocket, went up and asked
for light. The boy aeeeded to the re-
quest with an assumption of manly cour-
tesy which he probably had studied care
fully, and seemed to feel gratifed at at
tracing attention. Then ensued the fol-
lowing conversation: j." Well,young man,
where do you buy your cigars 7" Il buy
'em down town; pay 10 cents apiece for
EN-" +" Do you buy many at time p
No, not many; buy one at time most
oftenest." . Does your father know you
smoke ?" 80, yes" How old are
you?" j" Six years" ''And how long
since you learned to smoke 2" about
five years, guess"
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

HuMoRs OF THE BENCH AND BAR
Judge Mackey passed the following SEN
tence on Alexander Woodley, convicted of
burglary " You have been found guilty
of an offence for which you might be sent
to the pententiary for thirty years. The
Court will sentence you, however, to only
one year. If you are convicted again you
will be sentenced to twenty years, if a
third time thirty years. fyou are con-
victed fourth time you will then have
become eligible to a seat in the Legisla.
ture" "-SouM Carolina Paper.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

Josh Billings says: "The live man is
like little pig he IL weaned young and
begins to root early. He IL the pepper
sass ov creation, the allspice ov the world
One live man in village is like case of
the itch at distrikt scheol-he sets every
body to scratching at once"
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

A PYRoTEcHNIo SRoRY.-A Wilkinson
county, Ga, man carried home some fire
works for his son and heir, and his wife
undertook to superintend the display
The husband protested that he would fix
the partner of his joys, to the effect that
some men thought they knew everything
silenced him. The woman then proceed
ed to show her son how it was done. She
fjrst seized a Roman candle and grimly
proceeded to ignite it, The fuse was damp,
and to facilitate matters the woman famed
the spark into life by blowing gu it. The
response of the candle was too sudden
to contemplate.
The front hair and eyebrows of the ad-
yenturous female disappeared as if by mag
ic and the candle fell into the collection Of
fra works, and proceeded to fire itself off
with great eXaotness, igniting the other
projectiles. A casual sky-roeket skinned
along the grass, causing the family cat to
make an ascent of the nearest tree with
great violence, while a fiery serpent tool,
refuge in the husbands bosom. The
auther of all the trouble, discovered that
her clothes were on fire, sailed around the
house with as much earnestness as the
liveliest pyrotechnic, and it was some time
before the frightened husband could arrest
her wild career. Later, the son and heir
was found under the house with the back
of his jacket burned out. The woman is
now an invalid, and the man writes to a
friend that he never had more enjoyable
New Year.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04
Srlett Sturn.
A FATAL MISTAKE.

The Rev Mr. Holbrook put the money
there, exactly in the middle Of the table.
He remembered it distinctly, and he new
er was mistaken. But the money was
there no longer What did it mean :?
There stood the little vase Of flowers,
the shadow of the rosebud falling upon
the cloth as he had seen it when he laid
the note down. There were the books
and the little card basket. There,
psrched up in the great Turkish chair.
sat his little daughter, making a bed aud
pillows for her new wax doll. He had
only gone to the front door with the par
ishoner who had brought her contribution
for the approaching fair in the shape of
this very FIVE dollar note, and now it was
gone There was no breeze to stir it, for
the windows we're shut 1t was certain
that Lilly sat where she had been seated
when he left the room. Perplexed and
angry, the father questioned her.
j" Lilly, where is that money that laid
here y"
Lilly shook her head.
Has Lilly got any money
Lilly nodded.
OHoW ~ " papa.
Lilly laid down her work-oh, such a
crooked little bag, with stitches an inch
long on the edges and letting herself
down from the chair, came slowly across
the room, and stood solemnly before her
father.
:. Ith in boff my pocketh," she said !;
and put tiny hand into each and drew
out two cents
"Is that alp" asked the clergyman.
eth" said Lilly.
You did not see any on the table :"
NO." said Lilly; mo thir,' and
went back to her work again.
The clergymanp aced the room, look
ed in the corners, and surveyed the
length of the oapet; then he spoke again !:
Lilly, who has been in the room since
I left it !"
Lilly pondered.
After while, she said
"Ned did,"
"Ned?"
Eth, thir."
What did he do?
"He tooked flower out of the vathe,
and put it in his toat button.'
1.-The vase on the table I" asked the
clergyman.
- Eth, thir." said Lilly Then he
went wight to the kool."
This was added because the little crea-
ture saw anger in her fathers eye, and
knew that great dislike for scheol, on
her brothers part, was frequent cause
of displeasure and reprimand
81 know" added the little creature,
solemnly, i" that he ruined all the way"
Aha!" said the clergyman-and
then he walked to the window and hid his
face in his hands. He had cold heart
but it was aching pitifully just then. He
was tender to no one, but he longsd to be
proud of his son, and suspicion that was
terrible to harbor possessed him.
Ned was wild boy, an idler. He
shirked Sabbath school and was inatten-
tive in church. He hated study. He
liked the company of mad-eap boys; his
mother idolized him and spoiled him; SO
his father thought he was going straight
down to perdition, perhaps. Who knew.
for now it seemed very likely to the father
that Ned had stolen that five dollar note.
For the present, however, he kept His
thoughts to himself, merely commanding
his obedient wife, who came into the
room in few minutes, to search it thor
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

AN ABSURD ACCIDENT Sixteen or
eighteen years ago two embryo statesmen
were candidates for the office of county
surveyor at ST. Louis-a position scarcely
worthy the aspiration of true greatness
To-day the successful candidate is St.
Louis alderman. while the other, through
the most remarkable chapter of absurd
accidents the world ever sw, is President
of the United States -Comier-Journal.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

CARE OF GRINpsroNEs "A grindstone
should not be exposed to the weather, as
it not only injuries the wood work. but the
suns rays harden the stone and render it
useless. Neither should it stand in the
water in which it runs, as the part re-
naming in water softens SO much that it
wears unequally.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04
Selett poetru.
ENOUGH AT HOME TO DO.
By ). W. LEWIS.

Some people talk of others cares,
Of how they spend their time,
OF what they have to eat and drink
They think tbs something fine;
Bat if they'll take friends advice,
And play the proper cue,
I'd advise them just to look at home,
The'll find enough to do.
Some people thing to spin yarn
About their dearest friend,
To name his oddities and ways,
To see, if him you'll defend;
And If, perchance you say word,
They'll sure prove false TO you;
But if they'll only look at home,
They'll II find enough to do.
Some people like their neighbors all,
'Tis liking in their way
They are always on the 60, know,
They're going from day to day,
What one may say the other'll hear,
'Tis done to raise stew
But if they'll only look at home,
They'll find enough to de-.
Some people like TO play their hand,
And still be let alone,
To do whatever may please them best
Without their faults being known.
They love to chat of others wrongs,
When they've no golden pew;
I'd advise them just to look at home,
They'll find enough to do.
Some people wear the christian garb,
Condemn their worldly friend;
All this tht y Il cover with base deceit,
When they've TO borrow or lend.
At other times there rests contempt
Within their heart not true;
But if they'll enly look at home,
They'll find enough to do.
Some people like to hear the news,
To know what's on the wing;
To win the harp they'll play the fool,
They think it a pretty thing.
Now I've word for all such foes,
hope there are but few;
'Tis if they'll only look at home,
They'll find enough to do.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

When We read, We fancy we could be
martyrs; when we come to act, We cannot
bear provoking word.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

New apples are one dollar and ten cents
a quart. Ten cents for the apples and q
dollar for doctor.
Middletown transcript., 1874-07-04

Ministers of the iuterior-The cook and
the Decor
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-16
THE PARISHES SPEAK.

The criminal delay of the Returning Board
in promulgating the returns of election. and
the manifest injustice done the parishes of
DeSoto, ST. Helena and Sabine, are producing
much dissatisfaction and ill feeling in the
country parishes. In Caddo, the people have
already spoken in very plain language, and
have clearly expressed their intention to sub
NIT to no frauds OF the Returning Board.
Officers proclaimed elected when known
by the people to have been fairly defeated,
will fare very badly in many Of the parishes if
they attempt to take possession of the Offices
they claim. In Rapides the same feeling ex-
lists, as will be seen by the following extract
from the Caucasian:
The idea of intimidation on our part :. is
rich, rare and racy," when we had United
States soldiers at every precinct and cavalry
riding around generally. That kind Of a game
won't do and it will avail them but little to
attempt to play it here. Our people know
that they won the election fairly and in the
face of every effort to intimidate them, and
they do not intend now to be swindled out OF
their victory by any such swindle. Ii the
Radicals here know what is good for them
they will not provoke our people too far, for
they know that if they can be cheated out Of
this election it is useless to vote again, and
they might try some other means. Ferbna
sap.
In every parish of the State this course
should be adopted and so defeat the enemy's
scheme. by whipping in detail
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-16

rights of individuals itself. This is done oy
unjust legislation; that is when legislators,
how we'll soever chosen, enact UNJUST laws
BY which the property, either part OF me
whole, is unjustly taken away, or what IS the
same thing. subjected to oppressive taAatlon.
OF all the destructive agencies which can oe
brought to bear on production, by iar the
most fatal is public oppression. 1t drinks up
the spirit Of people, by lnf1lctlnS Dy means
of an agency which was created Tor the sole
purpose of preventing wrong, and which was
intended to be the ultimate and falthiul
friend of the friendless. Hence pubic IN
Justice is always the prolific source OF private
violence.
The result is that capital emigrates, pro
duction ceases, and nation either SINKS
down in hopeless dependence. or else the
people, ,harrassed beyond endurance, and be-
lieving that their condition cannot be made
worse by any change, rush into the horrors
of civil war, the social elements are Dissolved
The sword enters into every house, the
hottest ties which bind men together are
severed, and no prophet can predict at the
beginning what will be the end
Such, Mr.. Editor, are the consequences OF
taxation much lighter than our burden.
therefore, adjure our Administrators to pause
ere they assist in perpetuating curse, COM
pared to which all other calamities, however
wide spread and disastrous, are utterly
insignificant.
A DEMOCRAT AND A REFoRNEB.
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-16
THE PUBLIC SCHOOLS.



For the benefit of our readers. and OF thai
class Of negro politicians who clamor sc
Justify for equal rights and ali mixed schools,
we give the private opinion, publicly ex-
pressed, of the Chief Justice Of the State OF
lished ON page 800 of the Journa! OF the Con-
stitutional Convention
1.-The undersigned members of tie Constitu-
tional Convention of the State of Louisiana
respectfully submit the following as some of
the reasons which impel them to refuse to
sign the Constitution which the Convention
has framed
l. Because in the Bill OF Rights social
equality is attempted to be enforced, and the
right OF citizens to control their own property
is attempted to be taken from them for the
benefit of the colored race.
2. Because ~ judicial system has been
adopted which is radically defective. which
renders uncertain and insecure the rights to
property and the liberties Of the people.
g. Because the proposed Constitution dis
franchises large, influential and intelligent
class Of citizens Of the State. This is impoli-
tic, dangerous and unjust and is opposed to
Republican principles
4. Because a system Of public education is
forced upon the people whereby the whites,
who are to support the schools by taxes
levied on their property, will be practically
debarrcd of the advantages of the public
schools. Mixed schools will DO: elevate the
negroes. but debase the whites. Another ef-
feet of this system will be the neglect Of the
education OF the colored children.
5. The oath OF office is inconsistent with
the DISTINGUISHING clause of the Constitution,
and is absurd.
6. The direct tendency Of the Constitution,
As a whole. is to establish negro supremacy
in the State.
The undersigned believe That the adoption
of the Constitution will drive many citizens
from, and will prevent emigration to- the
State, retard her progress, destroy her inter
nal improvements and blight her prosperity.
They therefore respectfully ask that these
reasons may be entered upon the ;ourna! OF
the convention.
JoHN I. HuDELrS6..
OF Ouachita and Caldwell.
JOIN L. BARRETT,
OF Union"
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-16
THE LEAGUE.

In another column will be found series OF
resolutions adopted last night by the Crescent
City White League. As has been frequently
stated before, this organization was formed
for the purpose of preserving the peace and
protecting the lives and property of our citi
zens, and unlawful acts done under the gulse
of being under orders from this sterling body
are severely reprimanded in the resolutions
What the gentlemen connected with the
organization want understood is that all acts
of lawlessness and violence noised abroad as
having been perpetrated by members OF that
organization never were committed, and there
is nothing to substantiate the false statements
OF such sent North. We commend the reso-
lutions and their spirit.
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-16
THE CRESCENT CITY WHITE LEAGUE

At meeting of the Crescent City White
League, held last night, the following pream-
BILE and resolutions were unanimously
adopted:
Whereas, through the correspondents Of a
part of the Northern press and by false and
fiagitious statements in the Radical press Of
New Orleans and by lying and slanderous
assertions ON the part Of members OF tho
Returning Board, it is sought to create the
belief that the Returning Board is threatened
and that the White League has cOnnived at
and counseled such violence; and
Whereas the real intent of this organized
misrepresentation is to divert public atten-
ton from the frauds and forgeries OF the Re-
turning Board, or to furnish plausible excuse
to the Returning Board for abandoning the
canvass at point where partial PRONUNCIATION
of the returns OF the late election would give
a Radical majority in the next State Legisla-
ture, or to invite the interposition of the Fed
eral Executive, and under the plea of fur
nishing protection to the Returning Beard,
secure the presence and aid Of Federal troops
at the State-House, in repeating the outrage
of 1872, and impannelirg a Legislature not
representative OF the people, to the end that
the present fraudulent and usurping Govern
ment may be perpetuated, and Louisiana be
still held under Radical subsection;
Resolred, That, infamous as are the outrages
already committed and still designed to be
perpetrated against the rights and liberties Of
the people by the Returning Board, the
White League, believing that the dearest in
terests OF Louisiana are involved in keeping
the peace at this junct,tre, will continue to
maintain the public order, and brands as false
any assertion to the contrary, come from what
source it may.
Reso1retl, That the above resolutions be
published in the Conservative papers of New
Orleans, and that the Conservative press Of
the entire country is earnestly invited and
urged to give the widest circulation to this
our solemn asseveration.
Official copy. 7. LEE SHUTE,
SacrnfarY