The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1874-02-19
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Squills declares that his wife Is al
ways taking some kind OF mean ad
vantage Of him. 'FThe best woman
in the world" says SquilIs, ''but nov
and then she will act mean; she cam
help it."
"Last Saturday at breakfast" say
he, ''she was as smiling as bundle o
chips"
"Are your chops done to your like
ing, Squills, dear?'
'.Deliciously, my love-"
II broiled them myself"
81 knew it was going to be hot
said Squills, land when got into the
hall to leave, Mrs. Squills was there
with my hat in one hand and my
overcoat in the other"
"Squills, dear" she began.
thought it my time to pitch In
here, so said quietly:
"How much, Mrs. Squills? out with
1t, my love-"
"Mr. SquiIls, don't be unmauly sir,
Deg; not to say ridiculous. Gussy
wants silk dress to 90 to church in;
the poor child really isn't decent-you
are very sorry2 Well so you ought
to be. Let her say her prayers al
home No, Mr.. Squills, she shan'i
stay at home, and she shan't say her
prayers, and Mr.. Squills, you're
enough to aggravate saint, and your
conduct is disgusting, and it's enough
to drive a woman to bolt right to Chi
cago and get divorce"
1 thought this was q good time to
fire of my pet joke, so said:
''Mrs. Squills, bolt is always in Or
der" Then 1 bolted myself, for Mrs.
Squills comes Of a fighting family.
When went home that night, Gus
sy, dear child, played all my pet or
fenbach music, and knew I was in
for new dress, only wanted to hold
out until morning, just for the look Of
the thing.
"For five years after we were mar
ried," said SqUills, Mrs. s. would per-
sist in looking under the bed for q
man. It's the same man every wo-
man looks for 1 suppose, because they
all do it. Well, falling to find the
man, Mrs. Squills finally gave up in
disgust and took to something else.
''I suppose they all take to some
thing else after they can't find the
man under the bed. Mrs. Squills'
weakness is boiling the door. Mr..
Squills, have you bolted the door, Is
always the last thing at night"
''This particular night said Squills,
"Mrs. 8. was very dignified ana dis
tant. NO familiarities, Mr.. Squills,
If you please; you wounded my feel
ings in their tenderest point this
morning, and cannot forget, though
you did, that I am your wife, sir, and
ihe mother of your children, Mr..
Squills.'"
''This was pitching In uncommonly
strong, you know" said Squills, land
I was about to surrender, when Mrs.
Squills turned off the gas and then
eoiled herself up in pet, somewhere
On the outside bed rail. Not even
good night, Squilis.' 1 felt pretty
bad about it, L can tell you, but /
went to sleep, but sometime in the
night experienced q kick in the back
as il some playful mule had been fam
ming me. Perhaps IL was necessary,
as / always sleep hard"
'Mr. Squills," at last I heard Mrs.
8. say, "Mr. Squills have you bolted
the door2n f
"NoW I leave it to any man." said
Squills, appealingly, "whether that is
the correct thing for the mother Of q
faulty to do? or course, got up and
bolted the door, and ] said, Mrs.
Suuills, why the deuce didn't you
think Of boltiug the door before I
went to sleep, and not wake up man
in the middle Of cold night to do it?'
'And what do you suppose her an
swer was /?
"Why, Mr.. Squills," said she, "I
thought bolt was always in order"
"What did say? What could 1
say? And the worst Of ALL" said
Squills, "I'll be hanged IL she wasn't
laughing at me, I could feel the bed
shaking"