The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1874-09-25
CAPTURED SMILES.


late into church.
ALTHOUGH a woman's age is unde-
niably her own, she does not own il.
THE way Of the transgressor is said to
be hard, but thieves take things easy.
THE most modest thing in the world is
clock-it is always running itself down.
THE best way for man to acquire a
fine flow of language is to stub his toe
against raised brick.
AMAN advcrtises in New York paper
for barkeeper, "who must be recon-
mended by his pastor"
IT makes a big difference when lady
faints away whether you bathe her tenn
Piles with camphor or molasses.
The Rev. Olympia Brown has contrib
uted something to the Sabbath School Of
her congregation. 1t is boy
PETER DAYTON, Of Arkansas, threw
package into the fire to see whether 1t
was sand or powder 1t was not sand,
and Peter Is dust.
ALAzY fop asked his physician what
he considered the best size for a man.
Exercise" exclaimed the sturdy disci-
pie of EsculapiNs.
"CAS'T you love your neighbor as
yourself, Johnnie?" Yes, maj" then
he added, reAectively, "if he don't keep
a dog that tries to bite little bois."
AN impertinent fellow wants to know
if you ever sat down to tea where
skinned milk was on the table without
being asked, "Do you take cream?"
A LENGTHY article is in circulation
telling how to make mustard plaster
An article telling how to successfully
dodge one is what smitten people want
An editor says, awe never could un-
derstand why SO much shot should be
wasted in killing birds while so many
young men part their hair in the middle"
"woMAS is a delusion, madam" ex-
claimed crusty old bachelor to witty
young lady, Sand man is always hug
ging some delusisn or other" was the
quick retort.
WHEN an Italian youth has arrived at
the age of sixteen he is told to stand up
before his father and mother and say
whether he would like to join the clergy
or the brigands.
In response to the query, What can
do with my dogs to prevent them from
going madG" The Scientific Anierioan
says, "Tie stones aroHnd their necks and
put them under water"
A CoNYEcTIcUT town boasts Of a
yohng man so timid that he can not look
needle in the eye. Many young ladies
are troubled with similar fears when
ever they can get any one else to do their
sewing.
A WESTERN man set fire to the prairie
for fun, but after he had run seven miles
and climbed a tree, with his pants about
all burned off, he concluded the sport
was a little too violent exercise to be in
dulged in oftener than once in alifetime.
SAID a Pennsylvania political orator,
warming up as he approached the climax
of his speech: Let us conduct this
campaign, fellow-citizens, upon the prin-
ciple enunciated by the immortal Lin
coin, with malice toward all, and
charity to none.'"
An Ottumwa boy charged stump
with blasting powder, attached fuse to
blow it by, and got on the fence to see
the fun. He isn't collected enough yet
to tell how funny it was, although the
citizens are collecting him in different
parts Of the suburbs.
A DAILY paper has the following
among its marine notices "The schooner
Albatross was wrecked on the coast OF
New Foundland, on the llth inst, the
captain swimming ashore, and the female
cook also, she being insured for sl5, 600,
and heavily laden with iron."
I.GIvE US" says the New Hampshire
Horkingman's Adeooate, the man with
brown hands smut on his nose and sweat
on his forehead" All riyht-sent him
by express last night; also woman with
long chin and a wart on her moss, to
keep him happy.-Detroa Free Press.
A DETROIT young woman tried to be
aristocratic and did not look at the money
she gave the horse-car conductor, but he
Immediately gave her back the lozenge
on which was written, "Pll never cease
to love thee" and said he was an orphan
with five little brothers to support and
must be excused.
THAcKERAy, when speaking about
fame. would frequently tell the follow
ing snecdote: When at dinner in St
Louis, one day, he heard one waiter say
to another, DO you know who that is 2
{ mo" was the reply. THAT is the eele
brated Mr.. Thackeray.' "What's h'