The Hawaiian gazette., 1874-01-21
arieIy.
Selected.

Variety.
Mrs. Pariington calls them riding goats"
and she actually sent to the store TO buy one for
her son Isaac
The old maxim man proposes" is fatty con-
tradicted by MASSACHUSETTS spinsters, who only
wish he did.
Douglas Jerrold on being asked what was
meant by dogmatisn. answered, Puppyism come
to maturity
The dressmakers are the best supporters to
nevspspers-they patteru-ize every one that falls
into their hands.
An observer has noticed that the men who in
trrupt the end of play by breaking for the
door always have low fOreheads and scrubby hair.
Natures compensation A tremendous fall
Of earth" was recently reported from Lima. In
England land is becoming dearer, year by year.
When one Mr.. Sparks was appointed to a bish-
opric. rival candidate consoled himself, with
the rejection" Man is born to trouble as the
sparks fly upward"
Small coal-dealer Another penny, my dear.
They'veriz. All Goals is Goals nowadays" Little
gir: g I'm glad of that, sir. Mother said the last
lot were states"
bIghted being -Aunt-Well Mabel, don't
cryiH Eliza Is going, you will have another
nurse. Mabel-No, shall never have another
nurse-ITl marry young
Diogoneze hunted in the da time for an honest
man, with a lantern; if be had lived in these
times he woald hav needed the he'd lite ov o loko-
n0tif-[ Josh Billings.
That period of the year has arrived when the
sight of a twenty-pOuud dog drawing ninety
pound boy on a thirty pound sled is quite COM
mon spectable.-[Uuca Herald.
Do you think, asked Mrs. Pepper that little
temper is bad thing in women? Certainly
not, responded her gallant husband, it is good
thing, aud she ought never to lose it.
A plumber had an Irish lad in his employ, and
one day having occasion for piece Of zinc, or
dered him to get one twelve inches square. " Yes,
cir" said Pat, twelve inches square, but how
long?"
John Randolph met a personal enemy in the
street one day who refused to give him half of the
sidewalk, saying that he never turned out for
rascal. :" DO" says Randolph, stepping aside
aud politely raising his hat. " Pass on"
A young lady who had coquetted with her beau
until his patience was completely exhausted, and
as be rose to 60 away, whispered, as she accom-
panied him to the door, Il shall be at home next
Sunday evening" So shall l." he replied.
Newly-Aedged B. A. to his college tutor: L
say, old fellow, ever since | matriculated I've
wanted to ask you which tailor made your
clothes" Tutor Humph! Fubbins in the
High" B. A" Much obliged !; I'll take doOsid
good care that he never makes mine p Fun.
An euterprising phrenologlst once wrote note
to toe late Charles Dickens, asking permission to
make examination OF his Uranium. Dickens
replied :" Dear Sir-At this time require the
use Of my skull, but as soon as it shall be at leis-
ure will willingly place it at your disposal"
Sarah, duchess of Marlborough, once urging
the duke her husband to take certain medicine,
spoke with great enthusiasm, and said "Tll be
hanged if it don't prove serviceable" DR.. Garth,
who was present, exclaimed, Do take it then,
my lord duke. for it mnst be of service one way
or the other"
Nashville man was admiring young lady's
hair the other evening: Mis- D--please give
me one little curi-just one, won't your he
pleaded. Couldn't think of it, Mr.-
couldn't think Of it for moment" replied the
young lady briskly why, those eurls cost me q
dollar apiece"
The wife OF Liverpool butcher has developed
rare talent as special pleader. Her husband
was recently arrested on a charge of selling veal
which was ur6t for food, and the good lady
promptly explained that it was not for food, " bat
that il was going to be made into veal pies and
that she considered it quite good enough for that
purpose"
The other day bricklayer gave his boy two
pence and told him to go and buy a couple o
German sausages. The young rascal went to the
nearest shop, bought the sausages, ate the larger
and took the other back to the workman. Well
but where's the other ?" was the natural ques
tiOn. Why, this is the other" replied the young
scamp, with the Utmost effrontery.
"PoOty manners" Mother-General let me
introduce my boy, who has often heard of you
from my dear husband. and longs to know you
SONNY mother speaks no more than the truth
general eau assure you it affords me the high
est possible qualification to make the acquaint
aoce Of so esteemed friend of my excellent
father Punch.