The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-06-13
CURRENT ITEMS.

A ST.. LOUIS cat bit a boy and he is mad
the boy is.
BLACK satin fans trimmed with white
lace are something new.
A FOOLISH lady sent bride ,oh;te
satan pe's-sotper as gift.
READING, Pa, is catching dogs and
measles with equal alacrity
GRAY hairs seem like the light of soft
moon, silvering over the evening of life.
STIFF, straight hair and beard indicate
coarse, strong, rigid, straightforward
| character.
Don P1Arr says: "Humor is to a news.
paper what tail is to kite-very alb.
surd, but very necessary to its ascen-
sion."
WASHINGTON TERRITORY is agitated by
the Oriental magniAcence of "the first
brick residence" ever erected within its
boundaries.
HENRY WARD BEEcHER says collecting
| autographs is an alarming literary intem-
perance, for which the only remedy is
total abstinence.
The legislator who wanted to make
kissing a misdemeanor probably never
had the pleasure of seeing miss demean
herself under the operation.
IF women would study Housekeeping
as theirhusbands study law, medicine and
book keeping, there would be less CON-
plant of bad servants.
IT is said that the essential oil in onions
is 80 powerful that if man were to die
shortly after eating one his brain would
exhale the odor of the vegetable.
MRS. SEBA SP1cER, Of Upton, No.,
aged seventy.eight, recently employed a
mason to repair her chimney, and herself
| carried all the mortar and brick up a
ladder.
THE English sparrows which were in
troduced into Albany five or six years ago
have become SO numerous and annoying
that they are pronounced to be an unmit-
igated nuisan.
POUGHKEEps1E, N. Y, has stone
yard, and requires each tramp soliciting
aims to earn his food and lodging by
breaking stone. Applications for charity
have fallen of.
A FIsH-FARMER in Illinois gets seventy.
five cents per pound for his trout; thus
small string of fish will bring as much as
a sheep, and they require neither grain,
hay nor stabling.
THE snow.fence on the Kansas Pacific
is being taken down for the purpose of
saving it from the fire which passes over
the prairies every summer. 1t will be re-
placed in the fall, as usual.
In San Francisco, Judge Louderbach
has just fined man $50 for insulting an
editor. This goes to show that however
loud you may talk to California journal
ist he can always talk louder back.
A DETROIT gentleman prides himself
on his fine fowls, and his neighbor is
equally vain of fine coach dog. The
dog worries the life out of the chickens
A few days ago the owner of the dog re.
ceived the following note: *'Friend-
You keep dogs. keep chickens. If
my chickens worry your dogs, shoot
'em."
WHEN fuel is burned in an open fire.
place at least seven-eighths of the actual
or potential heat passes up the chimney
unused; about one-half being carried of
with the smoke, and one-fourth with the
current which flows in between the man
tel-piece and the fire, while the remaining
loss is represented by the unburned car
bonaceous matter in the smoke.
A MAN about thirty-five years old died
recently in kentucky who, since the
termination Of the war, has been making
tri-weekly pilgrimages between two
churches ten miles apart, always making
the journey on foot, fasting with great
severity, and keeping silence during the
whole of his long walk. He would never
disclose whether the penance was self
imposed or what it was performed for.
A LITTLE girl who fell off Long Bridge
and nearly drowned was rescued by
young man. It is consoling to think that
as the child is only five years of age the
usual denouement may be averted, but we
advise the young man to emigrate, or
she will 60 for him as soon as She is old
enough, and girls do grow so fast in this
country.-Sa,a Francisco Neps Letter.
HARRY H. BAuaH, of Quebec, fourteen
years old, fell desperately in love with a
little performer in a variety show several
months ago, and ever since has been fol
lowing it about, though the girl won't
pay any attention to him. He is quite
pen1iless: and has begged his way about
the country, but finally brings up at
Taunton, Mass, where he has been hand
ed over to the Board of State Charities.
A KENTUCKY Grange has had its little
romance. Recently young brother and
sister of the Order walked to the front of
the Master and were united in marriage.
The entire audience were taken by sur
prise, having had no intimation that
there was to be a wedding. Soft eyes
began to dart love glances around the
Grange, and diff1dent bachelors exclaimed
that the new Order exceeded their most
sanguine expectations, in providing life
partners for the faint-hearted.
A WASHINGTON man proposes that a
suitable.sized cannon be kept at all
dangerous river reservoirs or dams, to
give instant and general warning of
breakage, by which, as in the recent
calamity in Massachusetts,, many lives
and much property might be saved. The
trouble, says an exchange, is that when
the moment came for the cannon to be
exploded it would be found to be loaded
with black sand, duly certified to as the
best powder by County Commissioner.
A CHICAGO telegrapher, on recent
visit to Des Moines, wished to compli-
ment one of the young ladies of that city
by sending her a box of oranges. The
oranges were purchased and carefully
boxed, and messenger employed to de.
liver the gift, bearing the note expressing
the wish that the lady might always be as
l. ~