, 1874-01-11

"A Young man sent Ills E1fl Do4 OIL grapes,
one afternoon lately, and the next day 3 fellow
met him on the street aad eaid. "Those grapes
wero Jolly good last night sond some up every
Wednesday eyening-taat's my night, you
know"
A remarkably dirty man stopped in trout Of
q small boy sitting on = fence, expecting to have
much do YOU Weigh - The answer was:
" Well, about as much as you would IT you were
Washed
A good brother in Baptist church Of sli-
ami County, Indiana yhe gyinE h's I, expert Perl
= tryin' this nigh onto forty year to serve the
Lord aud ret rich both at onct, and / tell yer,
it's mighty hard sleddin!" :,
An amateur sportsman went hunting the
other day. He only fired one load, and brought
ali the slot home with Eim,-in bis leg,-al1 but
four graius, aud bis dog caught them in his car.
There is such thing as being too economical.
Irish i" boy ito benevolent old Geptleman)
~ Maybe yer honor II give q poor boy some
thing. Sure, it's dissolute orphan and deaf md
dumb I ana !" Aforementioned old gentleman
fputting his hand in his pocket) )-'p Poor fel-
low!"
a little boy was recently presented with q toy
trumpet, to which he became greatly attached.
One night. when he Was about to be put in Lis
''littla bed" aud was reaiy to say his prayers,
ing, Here, gran ma, you blow while pray"
Tho name OF the present Duke OF Bucktng-
h.n IS plantagenet Campbell Temple Nugont
Dsideyes Cuandos Grenvlilo. Tie uamo il. In
the main. well enough in its way, but the Dukes
manncr OF spelling Bridges is contenPtible.-
Lou,souh Cou,-ier-Jouy7adl
An enthusiastic African, who had "spant dc
winter in Jamaky,: found it au earthly paradise.
He said he could "lie aLed. and, putting his
arms out do windy, .picx oranges. pine-npples.
aud Jamaky rum right off de trees"
The custodian Of what had boen Garibaldi's
straw stuffed bed in 1schia was heard to mutter,
on seeing lady carrying away n few straws as
relic: "Tley will do it! I've stuffed it six
times already since the General left"
julia Ward Howe says that There is nothing
isn't, Oh !? She ought to meander through this
State aud look upon tho splinte1cd rolliug-pins
and battered to-mashers.-DetroA Free
Fre,s.
-:.N No woman" eays Mrs. Julia Ward. Howe.
"can be brilliant after marriage" Can it bo
illinois woman who has been married but fcur-
toeu wears and yet has twelve children ?-Louis-
uiHe Courier-Jour7su'.
-Dauehtor OF tho House Ito a privileged old
friend Of tho fam;1y)-" Dear Mr. Lupus, you
don't seem to be cnloying yourself. should so
like to have you waltz this once With me-"
Privileged old ftiend-" Ny dear child, don't
dance but if it suits you l wouldn't mind sit
ting here with my arm around your waist while
tbs others are making themselves dizzy
Punch.
--"Who hurt you, bub?" asscd pedestrian
OF small boy who sat bowling Oh the curb
stone, ..Johnuy Eydd," sobEed the victim.
"I'l sec about him if he does it again." re-
married tho man. condon1nsly. but tho boy sud
denly st 'pped bowling, and exclaimed: "Just
leave him alone. When grow up III get on
the police force. and then can belt him all
wnnt to!"
a iudy made complaint to Frederick the
Great, King Of Prussia. "Your Majesty" raid
sho, my husband treats me bany-" az That Is
none Of ms business" said tho King. "But lo
speaxs Ill Of yon." said the lady. THAT" said
be, is none Of your business"
IL celebrated Scotch divine had just risen up
In tho pulpit to lead The congregation in prayer,
when gentleman in tho front gallery took ont
his handkerchief to wipe the dust from his
brow df0gGas o 1a1 nd pasa sc of sasas mas
over the door Of tue gallery. The minister
could not resist a sarcasm, solemn as the act
was in which ho IVES about to engage. 80
man; ,nnn! su'cly ycur psalm-bui& has been Ill
Fashionable Christianity in London is grow
ing to bo amusing. People arc now invited to
precisely nj invited to social
soroe or an evening party. The Newcastle
Chronicle prints the following tlanseriot OF
card which it has received: "Mr. and Miss
evening at ~ o'clock, when tho company Of
friends is requested. Subject, Rev. II. Read
ing from TX to ~. Morning dress" 4 writer
ia the Broad Chulchmdn states that he got
card Of Invitation. which. rs far as tho body OF
il vas concerned, might have applied to darcs
ters "rea aud r." After awhile he discovered
that the c1balistic sign stood for Tea and Play
ers lie went, aud who1 he found them hand.
ing Bibles round on tray, he left dissustcd
a devout clergyman bought every oppo.-
tun,ty to Impress upon the mind Of his son the
hat God fot: nf 41f trrn
that tho falling sparrow a:tracts his attention,
and that His loving kindness is over all His
works. Happening one dny to see crane wad-
Ing in quest of food, the good man pointed out
TO bis son the perfect adaptation Of the crane 10
&c. his living in TINT manner. "sce,"' fald hc,
:: how bis legs are formed for wading! What a
oug, slender bill he has! Observe how Eicely
he folds his feet when putting them in or draw
ing thcm out Of tho water! He does no; cause
the slightest ripple! He is Thus opab1cd to al,-
T the s mfeou sai s ho in s
look ut that bird without recognizing the good
ness Of God in thns providing the means OF sub
sistcnco." ''lcs," replied the boy, II think I
see the goodness OF God, at least 30 Tar as the
crane is concerned; but. after all, father, don't
dsa 2'
4 smart Danburv won,au docs the work for
family OF nine, mills two cows. and keeps track
1t thirteen continued 8toFles.
The skunk is no rcspecter Of persons. h
s tust as friendly to the owner OF one suit Of
clothes as to the owner OF q dozon, and, ii any
hing, tri1o more SO.
An Essex street lady sitting in her rnrlor
md engaged in the dreamy contemplation ct the
nustache of tho young gentleman who was to
ESCORT her and her sister to tho festival sud-
1euly awakened bv an omnoua whisper 10 in-
7cnifo voice at tho door: - You've got AIMS
ccih, an she wants en-" !
One Of our prominent citizens on his way
nome with a neighbor. Thursday night, reached
lis promises in the midst Of an earnest cnuncia-
ion Of his theory of the planets, and. bracing
lis back against hts fenco and leaning his
,1bows on tho top, finished his argument aud
vent into tho house. On taking OF his
,caycr orcrcoat be was reminded that
he tccco had that day been newly
PAINTED by the condition OF the back
md sleeves OF that garment. He didn't say
Lnytling about tho planets. He simply laid the
:oat on the floor and danced around it, and |
yiung his hands, and suatched tufts OF hair |
rom his head. and screamed such dreadful |
hingn about painters that his wife tainted dead
NAY. Any one who would like to exchange q |
lew ovcrcoat for m extensive knowledge Of the
lanets will learn something to his advantage
y addressing 1snac Welsh, Danbury.