New-York tribune., 1874-04-27
HAPYY UdMLEI! !


vile, KY, and not an involvement place W
die in either, if ore were mOrtally n,-neo
The sweet Auburns exist only in song; and
Macaulay, with his usual acuteness, has pointed
out that The Deserted Village is but half
Irish, half English piece of the poets fancy.
Hawcsville, Ky, Is not, we may safely say,
bucolc. The bleatng of the silly sheep is
heard not there, but only what Mr. Phoenix
calls "the soft note of the pistol" The MUSES.
NAV love alternate verses, but the Hawesvile
swains prefer alternate discharges of firearms
the dreadful duet of death. The spot, too,
is of the shire sort, and has a temple dedi-
Gated to Themis. Plaintiff and defendant
weary of the creeping processes of jurispru-
dence, can have it out on the Courthouse
steps, and whoever dislikes the verdict can by
a simple motion (of his arm) have new trial
extemporaneously in the lobby, with literally
a snap Judgment or one of these gunpowier
oyer-and-terminers an account is furnished by
The HdweSrilIe KyD Plaindealer.
To begin at the beginning is always the best
way to begin. On the docket of the Circuit
Court stood the case Of Laura Norman v.
Eldred Bruner-an action for sIander-dam-
ages laid at 100000, which shows what lovely
character Miss Laura must have had. The
extreme interest of the case may be deduced
from the fact that eighty witnesses had been
summoned. The affrighted Judge, not caring
to stay all Summer in Hawesville, continued
the case, after little skirmish Of demurrers.
SO the parties, and the eighty witnesses, and
all the uncles and cousins of the parties went
into the street thinking the fun over for one
term, whereas it was only just beginning. For
among the witnesses was one Robert Terrell,
called by the defense to prove the truth of
the defendants allegations against the lovely
Laura. Upon him, walking side by side with
his friend Eldred Bruner, furiOusly advanced
two brothers of the slandered maid and then
and there did the leaden tempest begin. One
brother undertook to shoot the defendant I;
the other brother popped point blank at the
witness, while in the most generous way these
plumbeous presents were returned. 1t was
great day for Hawesville, Ky. The seventy
nine witnesses were delighted, whatever may
have been the feelings of the eightieth; the
fact that any nOn-cOmbatant might at any
time be shot, lent an intense interest to the
battle; while thebullets deviating from the per-
sons of the cOntendiDg warriors, entered swiftly
two neighbOring groceries or harmlessly i'm
bedded themselves in the doOr-pOsts, there to
remain as memorials of the great affray. 1t
was, indeed, loud and lively moment. If
we had been there, and our life had been
spared for the purpose, what o number of
things we should have thought Of!-Of fine
passages in the Iliad, without the smell of
the villainOus saltpeter-of street affrays under
the frOwning shadows of VerOna's palaces-of
Corsican vendettas-Of knights in their sheet
iron coats vindicating the honor of maligned
maidens-of the DAYS of ord!cc:.i or!cSii whom the
Chief Justice sent the parties to fight it out in
some convenient meadOw-Of rafting faction
fights at D0nnybroOk Fair--of Scotch border
fOrays, and maybe, of some merry head
breaking recorded by the great Rabelais or
the immortal Fielding! However, as we were
not there (thank F0rtuneD we shall refrain
from variOrum parallels, and this the more
readily because there is not anything in his
tory with which Kentucky street battle can
be properly compared. We have a special
romance of our own; six-shooters are not
stilettos, and the Western braves who rob
railway trains are not at all like Robin Hood
or Dick Turpin. Let us not quarrel however,
with what of the real or earnest the dead or
dying time may give us. 1t is rather mortify-
ing after all this peppering prologue for us to
be obliged to state that, although there were
some forty discharges at Hawesville, nobody
was killed. One warrior, we are told, chad a
"shot to pass through his hair, shaving its
passage along his scalp, but failing TO draw
"blood." 1t is little consoatory to know
that "the widest confusion prevailed both in
"the streets and in the courtroom" and we
cannot help thinking that if the battle had
resulted in the demise Of the defendant and
of tho eighty witnesses. tho next term Of tho