The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-07-29

VIII hail its coming with holy song,
And the home of that faithful heart
"a place sai d rest Is blythe crsstsesss
- >.ssz ---a -. - =
SCRAPS.
-. a
scrhe great American obituary pro,
voker," IS the latest for kerosene.
Blazesl fupper is not only coming
over; but it Is settled that he is to
lecture.
The. Indians complain at the prev.
,alent fashion of short hair Us d per
! sonal insult.
The feet that are covered with bun
ions may. not be stylish, but they arc
sssertainly no66y.
An Iowa editor has branded his
s contemporary as ''mangy dog-a
disgrace to his own fleas."
You can't eat enough in week to
last you a year, and you can't adver-
tise on that plan either.
- sEheSt. Louis papers satirizo the
I metropolis of the Northwest by spell
hing its name Shecawgo.
That was bright little child who
inquired 'tMa, when COWS die, do they
I go to the"milky way?"
s aAnd John Cbamplain was lying
cold and dead, writhiug in his mortal
says a New Jersey paper.
Would-be contributor: II wish you
would tell me something to write
about" Editor: "Right about face" )"
Said q Justice to an obstrcporous
i prisoner, on the day of his trial, awe
want nothing bat silence, and but lit
tle of that"
Dominion papers have mixed their
Buffers badly. They have killed B.
F. in Brooklyn with the hydrophobia
!; 7nstead of Francis.
: The latest instance of like curing
.1ikeis the announcement by a Yves.
tern vetinery surgeon that brandy is
a remedy for ''staggers.
"A Kansas girl wouldn't be married
without yellow ribbon around her
waist, and a boy rode eight miles to
get it while the guests waited.
Typos continue TO cut up antics,
even in well-regulated office, we infer
from seeing John Brown announced
as ga linseed preacher"
"Im not much for shtump spakin'
declared candidate at Dubuque, "but
for honesty and capacity and integri-
.ty, bate tho divil@so I do"
u marine editor q, Oshcfnnati'darcs
to say that there is not a eamboat
man on the Western rivers who
would not die rather than tell the
truth.
The British Medical Journal says
che pichborne claimant is employed
in his prison as q tailor. Let US hope
he is not engaged IN new suit.
returning emigrant wagon passed
through Cedar Fails, Iowa, last week,
bearing the expressive and euphoni-
-ous label, "D-n the grasshoppers."
A man advertises for q competent
person to undertake tha sale Of q
new medicine-and adds that cit will
prove highly lucrdtive to the ander.i
Saker."
It is said that human being has
seven millions of pores through
which perspiration and exhausted
particles of tho system escape. We
Are all pore creatures.
A breach of promise Of marriage,
an which the damages were lard at
$4,000, has been compromised with
a present of FIVE dollars and a new
chignon. 1t was in Kentucky.
Landlady (fercely)-"You must
on l"-"O, meyer mind they're only
an old pair. The bed bugs can't
hurt 'em. I'll risk it, anyhow"
Two St. Louis women were refused
places as drivers on street cars osten-
sibly because they couldn't manage
mules This was frivolous. They
had both been married for years.
"A London advertisement runs thus:
IA country priest will say mass once
q week for any one one who will reg
alarly send him the Times newspaper,
secondhand, on the day Of it's publ
cation"
Tennyscn says that Miller is the
greatest American poet, and Miller
says that Tennyson is the greatest
English poet. A man couldn't i'm
prove on that if he set up all night
Detroit Free Prees.
When occasion requires, one Of
The Milwaukee policeman can move
with astonishing rapidity. Night
before last he ran mile in three
minutes under the belief that a bur-
glar was after him.
A good way to restore man ap-
parently drowned, is first to dry him
thoroughly, inside and out, and then
clasp speaking-trump to his ear
and inform him that his mother.in-
laws dead. ~
sDo bats ever fy in the daytime ?"
asked a teacher Of his class in natural
history. .Yes SIR" said the boys,
confidently. "Wbat kind of bats"
exclaimed the astonished teacher.
tsRr;nt hotsH yelIed the triumphant