The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1874-10-01
THE NEW ASSISTANT.
Hiring New Solicitor--How He Brought
i'm nm notwithstanding IL Out in

He wanted to help edit. He said he
always wanted to work around news
paper, and he hoped we would give him
job. We told him good many had
tried to work around us, and good
many had succeeded in working around
us, but we were getting sharper as we
got along. Then he begged if we
couldn't let him edit that we would set
him at something else. We pondered a
spell, and then asked him If he ever
tried canvassing. He said yes. He
worked in porkhouse one winter and
canvassed hams, but he never liked it.
Thought he would prefer to canvass
trunks or, what was infinitely better,
canvass-back ducks. We explained
that we meant canvassing for advertis-
ing-going among business houses and
prevailing on them to advertise
Asked him if he didn't think he should
go out and bring in an advertiser that
afternoon.
He said he thought he could, and
looking out of the window he exclaim.
ed, "There goes one, now-back in o
minute" and flew down stairs in about
two jumps. In q few minutes after
there was frightful rumpus on the
stairway, mingled with cries of "Oome
right along |" "Lem' me be |" "Bound
to have ye !" "Tell We I'll bust yer
head if you don't leggo - We hasten
ed to the spot and found our new solici-
tor making the most strenuous efforts
to lug the portly form of our old friend,
DR.. Kerr, the system renovator man, up
stairs, Notwithstanding his struggles
and remonstrances.
"What are you doing there ?" we
cried.
Bringing in an advertiser" our So
licitor shouted, "and it's the toughest
job ever undertook"
The doctor released himself with a
sturdy kick that sent our solicitor roll
ing to the foot of the stairs, and then
wanted to know What in thunder's
goin' on ?"
We explained that it was new solic-
itor we had just engaged, and he was a
little too energetic, but means well.
The doctor said the papers had lugged
him in in good many ways, but never
in that way before.
While we admired the pluck of our
new man tackling one of the heaviest
advertisers in the city, yet we could not
approve of his way in bringing him in.
We made him apologize to the doctor,
and then gave him further instructions
before letting him start out again. He
had developed an energy and courage
in graphing an advertiser which he
thought would render him valuable
adjunct to such concern as ours. Ad-
vertisers rather like boldness and au-
dacity in solicitor. We told him he
had q future before him. After solicit.
ing for newspaper few years, he
might become newspaper proprietor
himself, and wind up by soliciting
aims. This encouraged him greatly.
1t was dull season with advertisers,
and we told him if he couldn't get peo
pie to advertise for cash, to take it out
, in trade. He said he knew now what
! to do. and started away. We didn't
,, hear anything of him for four days, and
!, then he came in with the worst head OIL
him we ever saw. It was in the shape
!, of snuff bladder, and would hold
about a bushel.
"What have you been up to ?" we
: inquired.
: "Taking it out in trade" he man
!. aged to articulate. He said he induced
8 a boxing master to put card in one
year, agreeing to take it out in trade
!. and this was all there was left of him
He said he had traded it only abou
! half out, and he wanted some one elst
to go up and get the rest Of it.
It was the most extraordinary in
stance of zeal in solicitor we ever en-
/, countered. That wasn't all. He hat
i thirty-two advel tisements of separat,
q aud ,1icfinat oil -
which he had taken out in trade. And
N he had taken the medicine too, every
v bit of it. He had engaged to advertis,
S about dozen quack doctors and tax,
it out in vaccination, and he was tat
tooed like South Sea Islander. If al
the vaccine matter takes it will take
:, him along with it. He hadn't tootl
= I in his head, cause he had secured tn
J patronage of half the dentists in tow
. y and endeavored to trade it all out o
. himself.
a When he said to a dentist, "Adve1
O tise and take it out in trade" the den
d tist Immediately bounced him into
It chair, clapped his forceps into hi
l. mouth and ierked out tooth. Den
" lists don't like to allow such account
b to run. "Was that alp" we calml
n asked. No, he said, he got an advel
,t tisement from some fifty saloons, an
}, took that in trade. This confused hir
e little and made him feel like bond
If ed warehouse. He went up to th
a Ninth street station house and solicit
If ed an advertisement of Captain --
"a agreeing to take it out in trade. Th
w Captain said the station house wa
" sufficiently advertised already, but if
would take in out in trade it was a
right. Then he locked me up and keI
IS me twenty-four hours.
c. We felt it was no use trying to dis
ID charge that man. We had only to Il
ic him go Oh taking advertising out j
N trade, and he would soon take fnis
le of himself, SO when he asked if L
8, should try it again we said, "Certail
ID ly; keep right on the way you hay
e. begun and it's all right"
le We afterwards heard of him at tt
III gas Office soliciting Barney Cunning
10 ham for an advertisement, agreeing
of take it in trade. He had a patent pa
IN in his hand to carry gas in, and said
j. they would advertise he would take
g. pail full now.
st Then he disappeared for week, al
ne we ascertained that he had secured {
ne advertisement for Old John Robinson
IN show, and was taking it out in circ1
as tickets, every one of which he W
an using himself.
A catastrophe at length occurred
our solicitor, as we anticipated. T