The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-03-19
MY Deaf wife ana Amt.


I had an aunt coming to visit me
for the first time since my marriage,
and don't know what evil genius
prompted the evil wickedness which
i perpetrated toward my wife and
ancient relation.
"My DEAR" said / to my wife on
the day before my aunt's arrival,
"yOu know Aunt Mary IL coming to-
morrow; well, forgot to mention a
rather annoying circumstance with
regard to her. She Is very deaf, and
although she can hear my voice, yet
you will be obliged to speak extreme
ly loud I'm order to be heard. 1t will
be rather incOnvenient, but i know
you will do everything in your
power to make her agreeable"
Mrs.-annOunced her determine
ton to make herself heard, If in her
power.
then went to John N-,whO
loves joke about as well as any per-
son / know of, and told him to be in
the house ut six p. NJ, on the follow
ing evening, and felt comparatively
happy.
I went to the railroad depot with a
carriage next night, and when i was
on my way home with my aunt l
said,-
"My dear aunt, there is one rather
annoying intirmity that Annie (my
wife) has, which i forgot to mention
before. She is very deaf, and al
though she can hear my voice, to
which she is accustomed, in its Ortli-
nary tones, yet you will be obliged to
speak extremely loud i'm order to be
heard; am sorry for it."
Aunt Mary, i'm the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
speaking loud, and to do SO would af-
ford her great pleasure. ~fffe !.
Tho carriage drove UPON the
steps was my wife--in the window
was John N, with face as ut
terly solemn rs il he had buried his
relatives that afternoon.
clam delightedto see YOU" shrek.
ed my wife, and the policeman on
the opposite sidewalk started, and
my aunt nearly fell down the steps.
"Kiss, me, my DEAR" bawled my
aunt ; and the windows shook as Il
with fever and aSuc. i looked at
the window; John had disappeared
Human nature could stand it nc
longer. / poked my head into the
carriage and went into strong cOnvul'
siOns.
When / entered the parlOr my
wife was helping Aunt Mary to take
off her hat and cloak; and there sat
John with his face buried i'm his hand.
kerchief.
Suddenly-"Did you have pleas.
ant jOurney?" went off my wife like
a pistol, and John nearly jumped tC
his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response
in a warwhOOp, and the conversation
continued.
The neighbOrs for blocks around
must have heard it when / was in
the third story of the building ]
heard every word.
In the course of the evening my
aunt took occasion to say to me-
"HOw loud your wife talks 20
told her deaf persons talked loud
ly, and that my wife being used tC
me, was nov affected by the eXertiOr
and that she was getting along very
nicely with her.
Presently my wife said SOFTLY
"Aif, how very loud your aun,
"Yes," said 1, call deafparsoAs do
You're getting along with her finely
she hears every word you say"
And / rather think she did.
Elated at their success of being un
derstOod, they went mt it hammer and
tongs, till everything upon the man
tlepiece clattered again, anu l was
seriously afraid of crowd collecting
in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt
being of an investigating turn o.
mind, was anxious to find Ou
whether the eXertiOn of talking was
injurious to my wife. So
"DOesn't talking so loud strail
your lungs 2" said she i'm an unearth
ly whoop, for her voice was not ~
musical us it was when she was
young.
Tt is an cxertion," shrielcd my
wife.
"Thcn why do you do 1t ?" was the
answering scream.
"Because-bccausc-you can't heal
if / dOn't."
"What 7" said aunt, rivalling g
railroad whistle ut the time.
began to think it time to cvacu
ate the premises and looking around
and seeing John gone, stepped into
the back parlOr, and there he lay flat
on his face with his feet at right
angles, and his body rolling from side
to side with his fists poked into his ribs
and a most agOnized expression OF
cOuntenance, but not uttering q
sound. / Immediately and involun.
tarily assumed similar attitude
and ] think from the relative posi-.
ton of our feet and heads, and Oul
attempts to restrain our laughter, APP.
OpleXy must have inevitably cnsucd,
ifa horrible grOan which John gave
vent to i'm his endeavOr to suppress
visibility had not betrayed our hiding.
place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who
by this time cOmprehended the joke,
and such a scOlding as 1 got then
never got before, and ] hope never to
get again.
I know not what the end would
have been if John, in his endeavOrs
to be respectful and sympathetic, had
not given vent to such u grOan and
a horse laugh, that all gravity was
upset and we screamed In concert.
1 know it was very wrong, and all
that, to toll such falsehOOd, but
think that Mrs. Opie herself would
have laughed il she had seen Aunt
Mary's expression when she was in
formed that her hearing was defect
i've. 80.