The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1874-05-30

- ~ "i 'S"'ei" DSoSb, ehuuSh Hc 10
married TO Jeduty, the world says, and l
say too, serve, them right Woe to the
successful Nobody has any pity on their
misfortunes The pining spinsters left out
in the cold feel tremor of delight run
through their unannexed hearts as the
distant sounds of conjugal squabbling are
waited to their ears,
Do | not remember to this day the
scarcely disguised pleasure of a whole
school of girls, when detested school
mate, who had carried off the chief prize
for good conduct magnifcently bound
volume of Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress
accidentally upset large bottle of ink
over il five minutes afterwards? And
when u young lady carries off the reward
of merit according to Miss Edgeworth)
in the shape Of the Prince Charmant, with
hotel in the Champs Elysees, or a man
sion in May Fair, do we not throng around
her and congratulate her, and send her
cheap presents, and eat lobster salad at her
wedding breakfast, and wish her all sorts
of happiness, aud hate her cordially, and
smirk amongst ourselves when tho Prince
Charmant's relatives turn her the cold
shoulder, or when the Prince Charmant
himself appears at Biarritz in the trium-
phal procession of Madame dc Marquise
Blanc de Perle, having first deposited his
six months bride safely in some exceed
ingly dull country house, where she can
spend her time making smoking-caps for
him, and meditating on his projections and
the sweets of matrimony, if she likes Is
she not married? What right has she to
complain? Has she not climbed the
creased pole2 1t may be disagrceable
enough and perilous enough, now she is
up there; but she must put good face on
the matter, and look as if her uncomforta-
bic perch were the softest of love-ncsts.
"Let us make believe We are horses or
lions, or kings and queens, and grown up
people" the children say; well, life is one
grand game ofmake-believe. Do you see
those two people in the corner, who ap-
pear so unusually interested in each other2
Do you think they care snap for one an
other? BAH they are making believe to
be flirting, so as 10 attract notice and cx-
cite the envy Of those who arc not sufi-
ciently lucky to have also spicy little
Irritation on hand. Make-believe to be
happy, Madame-don't Gagged birds sing
the loudest, like sensible creatures as they
are? Learn lesson from them; always
say that you are the most fortunate Of
wives, that you have got the best of hus-
bands, and let not thy right foot know
where the shoe on thy left foot pinches.
Well, you must marry; you must walk
the plank, or stand in the pillory Of old
maidism all your life. And oh | that
word of fear, Old Maid At five years
of age, and sometimes younger, the femi-
nine bosom is already imbucd with deep
and shuddering horror of the portentous
meaning contained in that terrible word
" Don't go out in the sun and get freckled,
or you will be an old maid !" ''Don' study
and get red eyes, or you will be an old
maid !" "DOn't have an opinion of your
own on any imaginable subject, or you will
be an old maid" "Don't talk as If you
had the smallest pretensions to brains, or
you will be an old maid !" Don't wear
boots that you can walk in, or corsagcs that
you can breathe in, or you viii be an old
maid !" "Don't waste your time convers-
ing with an ineligible" or a married
man, or lady, or you will be an old maid"
"Don't eat more than the twentieth part
of snipe's wing, and the fourth part of a
green pea, or you will be an old maid ~
"Dont wear your own hair, or speak in
your own tone of voice, or laugh your own
laugh, or DO satisfied with the figure and
complexion nature gave you, or retain
your own natural manners, or do anything
natural, or be yourself in any way, or YOU
will be an old maid" Don't say that you
hate cigar smoke, though it does give you
sore throat, and sore eyes, and head
ache, or you win be an old maid y "And
don't, for mercy's sake, correct the man
you arc talking TO when he tells you that
Nelson was friend of Peter the Great, or
that be has never read Tennyson's "Prin-
cess, because he does not like the poetry
Tennyson wrote in his capacity of poet
laureate, or you will infaIlibly be an old
maid" This is what rings in your pretty
ears all your youthful days like the Wild
Huntsman, you are ever flying before
phantom terrors; only in the ark of mar
riage can you find resting place for the
sole Of your poor little squeezed Louise
Quinze be-hceled foot. Marry then, BY
all means. should be tho first to throw
old slippers after you. Marry, but listepl
Let me whisper word in your ear. IfI
you want to have decent chance, won't
say Off happy, but Of an cndurable exist