, 1874-05-31
Weeping and Wailing Of the Chill
dren Of Sunny Italy.
Falsity OF the Rumors About the Cor
ner on Picked Oysters.


| lQe16 III CQu6te[lhLluu LII t4o Ak6lAVAt AoApe
and the head cook 1T the Grand Pacific tugs d
his perfumed hair. There is sorrow all alonl
the line, from the lunch-counter to the banquet
ing-han.
Nor do they weep without CAUSE. Our 1eviset
and amended Board Of Health, which now rep
rcsents nearly every nationality under the sun
has come down on them In its wrath, mounte'
on Its new hobby -horae,--A mammoth oyster,-
aud wildly waving the banner Of "Death t.
eholl-fsh" The Board having vacc1natet
every human being in Chicago two O.
three times, and made it necessary to
every voter to produce a certificate
thereof prior to voting; having c1eansed all tht
slaughter houses, b1ck-yards etc., and having
really nothing left to do except to prepare re
ports, and draw salaries With such regularity thai
the City Treasurer keeps his count of time By
| them. have NOW, AZ faithful representatives oi
the Peoples Party, entered upon new field o1
| action.
Tia mission Of the Peoples Party, as every
one knows, il to promote temperance. honesty,
economy cheap Court-HonFes aud human well.
| being generally. The Board Of Health, leaving
the economy to Others intends to do its part in
| another direction, and to Danish from our city
that Zoe Of man, that paralysis Of labor, that in
centiYe to strong drink, known % the pain in
| tho stomach.
He SEES THE TROUBLE.
The powerful intellect Of the Sanitary Super
| intendent has for years noticed the ravages Of
| this disease, especially during the summer sea
ono must suffer it in silence, Like tho Spartan
boy, with that fox, and like the lady who wAs
compared to the worm in the bud Often does
! the Chicago girl observe her male guest lose his
animation, cease to take an interest in things,
I mako wry faces when he thinks be is unobaerved,
prefer to leau over rather than sit upright, aud
when asked what ails him, reply With great eager
that he is perfectly we'll II vain, she fam
! cies it is jealousy; If girl OF sense, size gig
could confess it, aud bo pitled. But he has tho
tooskache IN h1s stomach, aud ho dare not sd
| nit it,
Tho Sanitary Superintendent WAS unable to
reconcile this disease with any theory of loving
with Prof. SWINGS sermons, though it harmon
ICED beautifully with the Confession OF Faith,
| which had many marks Of 4 document prepared
under tho direct aud stormy influence OF pain IN
the stomach. He pondered over this great
problem with the earnestness that man does
when he tries to recolect where be got that
counterfeit dollar. and 1t last went to work, get
ting up the statistics to see whether this disease
foreortluiued by al lnscrutnble wisdom or
whether it WAS the result Of second CAUSES, and
therefore curahle:
AND PROCEEDED TO INVESTIGATE.
When the Board Of Health is IN DOUBT On any
poins, 9ess up ss4csncs ana governs itsel5
ranta = dead dog removed from the street in
front Of his house. the Board '*gets up its sta
tistics," and il it finds, after week Of thought
ful addition and division, that the ward has not
tis, nau sne nunoel " oeao aogs ~ "hicn u s en
this ono carted on- Everything is done there
On statistical principles. aud consequently the
Sanitary Superintendent took pencil and aoms
p1get, ano "en' 'u'o s'a''7ac7' oloois"s II Tue
"A1o " "eeA, ,,az
"1fa THE fol1oW'No aEsuLFs:
Taking as basis The Quantity Of peppermint
snu ptAnay sa-o ofnnA ~ LILO ct.5 ua3nB eu,y Ana
during that time se4' 82o cases OF pain in the
:. Confronted with this,mass Of human misery,
the SANITARY Superintendent grew pale. His |
& tlne fancy 81" every aanis N % coox conn,y "'tn
nAno plseeoa ~ ntouu, M:Il iooAus "nNx - ~ ~
shall ne do to be 1elievedf" Who could resist |
them SO the Superintendent mont deeper into |
tha snhiect and came tn tha cnnctue,on that thu |
tseitnr ovst.r ~. ths
~ oyn.o. "Ae sao .aueo ~
hs. H haa,, ccnar,iv 1oatod nnnn ~ .n innocrnt
creature except when fried. Philosophers have
grown eloquehs III n1s praise Ano poeta hASe
sung OF
Ihe htgh.eorn, gentle oyster maid,
"no 1o'eo elm Oh 10" oesfee'
But the SANITARY Superintendent arrived at
different conclusion. DuEnG July and August,
the nature Of the oyster changes: He becomes
treacherous, devil fiah in miniature.
Enyelop him IN ctacker-c1nmns. d1ench him IN
milk or buttor, enliTen him With vinegar OF pep
per, he cannot bo mouifed. Like tho little
book IN ReTelatlon, he II s1aet In the mouth,
but bitter IN the belly.
THE EDicT.
These results were laid before the Board Of
Health, aud met with great approval. Each
member recollected = pain IN the stomach,
;hongh they I'll called 1t gastfalgla, ecoEninG to
1eal IN common nanes, ana unanimously re-
n rendered that It vas preceded BY oystern
IheIeupon they ordered The PRONUNCIATION OF
no following edlct:
b i ordained, By tbs Board Of Henlth Of the City
: chicago mt trom ..aa aier thS 1t Day Of June
o. 70 .ne sr se aa5 - ~ PCT sna
bsI na r. for snr n.rson Or psrnons eoeon
lon or corporations, 70 se Or onsr, OF e:pose for
ais, oysters Of any kind or description whatsoever
bat are not picked q preserved.
That M the sanaI' Superintendent. md He.lh.ome
pr for ssa IN 70 yoson M ~
ops reauaion o' '0f 'a'' IL 'a''Aon OF 'ne
For The violation Of the above regulation each and
very onender shall be nned not less than SO and not