, 1874-04-12
HUMOR.

4Q6 WAY To ulAkG u1t IeAl uQk Ii W A6bp ~
thoroughly coaled-
An English wag asserts that machinery is
the most modest Of all things, since it almost a.
Ways travels in cog.
What is the difference between window
glass and sharp toothacho? One is cut in
panes, and the other cutting pain.
A fashion critic says that the new bonnets
are the old ones sat down on for half an hour or
There arc two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One is that they
hayn't any business. and the other ia that they
hayD't any mind.
1t is pleasant to SEQ a young creature come
into horse-car, scat herself for admiration,
look happy for five minutes, and then wake up
to the dismal consciousness that there ia nip in
the middle finger Of her right glove.
Grace is modest girl and refuses to wear
low dresses. IL 1Ianma." she remarks to her
maternal, :" that is more than can baro."
"A Louisiana Justice sentenced man to pay
fne Of fifteen days in Jail or to go to ten dol
lars, and then promptly licked man who said
he Was drunk.
A story is told Of Minnesota boy who, to
save express charges, packed his fathers dead
body in an old dry goods box. labeled it Il veni-
son." and sent it East.
WHAT'S the difference between the side Of
nght-angled triangle and an old maids teapot
One is hypothanuse, the other q ten-pot-ln-use.
a Hoboken editor, being challenged, sent
word in reply: "When want to die 7 can shoot
myself"
"A female bill-postor is doing an extensive
business in New York. The eex was always good
at running up bills.-Boston Post.
She tied the halter to her waist, and led the
COW to water; the brute took fright, and gave a
twist My daughter oh. my daughter!"
A man writing POLITICALLY Of the weather
SAYS: "The backbone of winter is broken, but
its tail wags yet occasionally
-How to become practically acquainted with
the s'Rule OF Three Live with your wife,
mother, and mother-in-law.
An Indianapolis father shot six times at
supposed burglar, and was amazed to henr the
fellow ask: "Whazzer mazzer, fazzer; ~hazzer
doing 7" ..
An English Judge, Baron Anderson, on be-
ing asked to give his opinion as to the proper
length OF sermon, replied, "Twenty minutes,
with q leaning to the side of me1cy."
Bald Mountain seems to have quoted down
beginning to fear they got religion good while
before there Was really any necessity for it,
LouispiUe Courier-Jour4al.
-"Did you execute this instrument without
iy asked tie Judge. s.Fear! CompulsionI He
compel me-! You don't know me, Judge"
a telegram as sont +: Fort Wayne, Ind
DR.. Howard, Wellsville, Ind: Come at once with
As received: :" Come at once to see procession
of Carrie Spencer's menagerie-"
Mr.. Greeley did not invent the phrase Go
West" US is generally supposed. The original
OF the REMARK NaS HuCu 1huIA ba4Q mdu3 Jea11
B. O.: 'rWhere thou 20 Wost viii Co."
Jones presented his wife on her last BIRTH
day with beautiful silver service. She WAS
thankful. but said that ono piece in the set was
wanting, for the proverb SAYS: one good
turn deserves another.
Tho ruling passion strong in danger~,An
alarm OF fire Was the other day gwen IN Q New
York hotel. Landlord" said guest, " IL the
house on fire" "fes, sir." We'll: give us
one more drink, If yon please, and well get!n
Bertha" pathetically observed an Ohio
saloon-keeper to his wife, these crusaders are
just like the dog IN the manger; they won't
drink themselves, and they won't let anybody
else drink" ,. ~
Keeper must DO pau, lnaeeu 1ealhea u'44e
in that city recently addressed one OF them rs
follows: "Wretched man! II the ped OF that
river was oank-hlgh with the suds OF salVaton,
mountains, there wouldn't be enough TO wash
your feet"
IA am rather particular man." said
gentleman to q man he WAS about to engage rs
a coachman, - shau expect you every evening
to come to my house for a quarter OF an hour to
attend family prayer. ! suppose you do not OBJ
ject 2" ''Why," answered the man. II don't
see much to say aga1nst it, and hope you WILL
consider it in my wages"
An old lady hearing some ono reading about
Congressman-at-large, rushed to the Kitchen
door shouting, - Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane! DON'T
you leave the clothes out all n1ght;, mnd: tell
you 10f Inele 8 CoD6Fessulau ~ la4Ro:
"A good lady OF Columbus, Ga, was "gtruck
all Of . heap " By an old colored woman che met
the other day She beamed all over her face as
she said, in the most approved Georgia style:
's Howdo, Aunt Maria !" The aged negress
raised herself erect, placed her arms akimbo and
remarked, loftily, looking sidewise, " amt yer
aunt, and I amt yer uncle; lse yor cka!'
"A darkey WAS once attempting to steal
goose. but dog raised an objection, aud sambo
er he attempted it again, and just as he was on
the point Of getting away With his fowl. the
lightning struck close By and tho noise nearly
frightened the poor fellow to death. Dropping
the goose, he started away, nutterlng. "'peers
ter me der am mighty lot OF fuss made bout
The Sandy Creek Ne,cs says: A new method
Of compromising drugs was proposed to one OF
our druggists a few days since. a WE'LL known
hummer entered the store and asked for pint
Q. whisky. The proprietor saw the point and
wns determined that the hummer shouldn't see
the "pint." ~ must have it. says the latter.
ave eaten moEe'n pound Of ;, eaamphor' = md
must have the whisky to dissolve it, :,
This is what may be called sympathetic: In
aginativo Undergraduate-My uncle has just
died, Sir, and should be much obliged for
few days leave to attend hls fuperai. frcsldent