The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1874-03-20
Fun AT THE PATENT OFFICE.
Unsupported GenIuses Among Us-specf-
men Letters to High offieiaIs.
Mrs. Arnes' ''Tsn Years in Washington"


IRE tends to goility. good digestion and
long life. In no other position In the
world, probably, could man discover
how many crazy people there are out
side OF the lunatic asylum. The born
inventor is alwaysa dreamer. For the
sake of his darling, though, he is will,
ing to sacrifice himself, his vile and
his children, everything but the "1na-
chine" growing IN his brain and quick
ening under his eager hand. How Of
ten they fail. How often the precious
thought developed into form, is only
mistake failure.
Sometimes this is sad-quite as often
it is funny. The procession which
started, far back In the ages, with its
machine of g Perpetual Motion, y long
ago reached the doors of the American
patent-Office. The persons found in
that procession are sometimes aston
fishing. A doctor of divinity, we'll
known at the capital, and not suspected
OF studying any machinery but that of
the moral law, appeared one day in the
Office of the commissioner.
,'' ] know I've got it, /" he said assn
What, sir ?"
Perpetual motion, sir. Look p
and he set down a machine. ''If the
floor were not in the way, if the earth
were not in the way, my weight would
never stop, and my machine would go
on forever. I know this is original
with me-that it never dawned before
upon any human mind"
So enthusiastic was the doctor, it
was with difficulty he could be re-
strained from depositing his ten dol
lars and leaving his experiment to be
patented. The commissioner, quietly,
sent 80 the library for book-a history
of attempts to create perpetual motion.
Opening ut a certain page, he pointed
out to the astonished would-be inventor
where his own machine had been at
tempted and failed a hundred years ago.
The reverend doctor took the book
home, read, digested and meditated
thereOn-to bring it back and lay it
down before the commissioner, in ST.
Ience. No one has ever heard him
speak of perpetual motion since.
1t would take a large volume to re-
cord all the preposteroTls letters and IN
Ventions received at this Office. A very
short time since a man sent letter to
the patent bureau describing new pro-
cess of embalming which he had origin
ated. It was accompanied by dead
baby the model which he re.
quested should be placed in one of the
glass cases in the exhibition room. He
considered himself deeply injured when
his request was refused.
A letter was recently received by the
commissioner of patents, from man In
Portsmouth, England, Offering this gov
ernment the benefit of an invention of
his own for utilizing water-powe=, SO as
to force the water to great height
when confined in reservoirs constructed
for the purpose. he offers the inven-
ton free of all charge, because, he
states, it pains him to see 'such mighty
power as there is at the Niagara wasted. y
In addition, he offers his own services
at the low rate of 81. 900 per annum to
build and operate the invention. He
says in his letter that '' if the mighty
great power of Niagara was accumula-
ted, it would move a great deal" He
also says that he ''has good plan fol
n velocipede and a bicycle that he thinks
would be a good thing for this coun,
try" but admits that ''people In Eng
land don't like it"
Referring again to his water power
he claims that if this government would
build the road, he can take ships
across the Isthmus of Panama, " in
box, water and all. ff -E
The commissioner recently received
the following communication from the
legation of the United States
PARIS, Dec 3, 1879.
Sm--a very large number OF inventions anC
discoveries are submitted to,this legation
with the request that we shall transmit then
to Washington. Most Of them are, as yol
may suppose, worthless. We have had, 70
instance serious plans for the determination
of all the lions andtigers in the United State
by the use OF catmint, the modus OpeTand
being todg an immense pit, and fill it Will
the herb. The we'll known love of the felin
race for catmintlwill naturally induce the lion
and To inf the nit roll
selves upon il Whereupou concealed hanter
are to appear and slaughter the ferocious ami
mails.
Another plan is for the destruction of grass
hoppera on the plains by the use of artillery
it being perfectly well known that conclusion
kills insects.
third is for the capture of a besieged cit
by the use Of a bomb which, Eupon exploding
shall emit $50 foul smell that the besiege
win rush headlong from the walls, ard apeas
prey to thebesiegers.
The president of the United State
receives many letters of like character
which are by him transmitted to tn
bureau of patents. append verbatim
copies Gncluding photography of tire
which represent many thousands more o
equal intelligence received at this de
partment of the government.
AUGUST, 31st, 1872.
Mr.. .. S. GRANT Sir it's is with pleas
ure take this opportunity OF writin
to You I am we'll at Present Hopin
these few lines viii find You enjoying
Good health And prosperity am dom
all Il can for you in this locality and
hope and expect you VIII be our mex
President OF the United States woul
like TO have an Office of Siviliseing th
Indians What Salary will you give IN
per Annum please Write to me and le
me know in fact I am IN need of littl
money at present Win you please sen
me 600-or ], 900 dolors to -- Sumti
ing Aught TO be done for the poor III
dian And beleave that can siveliz
them. If you will give, me $50 or 90
per month it win doc. 81
a~s MARoH IS 1873
HoN. SIR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITE
STATES or AMERICA I announce to yo
that I am inYenting Perpetual Motion
have once had my patents stolen or
should had the machine in running on
der before this and L have altered M
plan so that il carrys and wheel ant
when constructed on a large plan it vii
move machinery. And being on n neV
and different from all others and / an
sure of success which ] hope to plac
before the world sO1n. Though in con
sequence of poor health, and not hav
inc the means TO work with it, it vii
take some months longer TO accomplish
It. might write You the plan, but
aul not sure that yOu viii receive this
Aud now I wish TO answer few ques
tions which I hope you viii answer b.
writing as soon as you receive this,