The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-04-28
SduIbs.

a Squibs.
Dress parade "a fashionable we'd
ding.
The fear that surrounds us all-the at
mosphere.
Overseers of the poor-those who over
look them.
The ways Of women-anywhere from 90
to 200 pounds.
One who can can always get bread when
he kneads it--a baker.
Delightful "Patrons of Husbandry--"
female match makers.
"Stay, Sambo, did you ebber see de
Catskill Mountains P'' "No, nebber did;
but have seen dem kill de mice"
eff miss is as good as mile, how
good is Mrs p" IL she is widow, she
will be good for league under any cir
cumstances.
At what hour did the devil make his
appearance in the Garden of Eden? Some
say in the night. He certainly came after
Eve. -0 Pn.,
A voter praising favorite candidate
at late Irish election said He is as
fine fellow as ever lifted hat to a lady
or boot to blackguard."
"Napkins, sir | napkins p roared a
Green Bay landlord. emo, sir; we
haven't got any but if you want to
wipe your nose I'll lend you my handker-
chiefr'
"What is heavens best gift to man?'
asked young lady on Essex street,
Sunday night, smiling sweetly ON plea
SAINT looking clerk. GA hoss," replied the
young man, with great prudence.
CY-" And have you no other sonsP"
askeda curious. lady of bronZed old sea
captain. "Oh, yes, madam had one that
lived in the South Sea Islands for nearly
dozen years." Really Was he bred
there, and what his taste-the sea or land?'
"No, madam, he wasn't bread, he was
meat-leastways the niggers ate him and
as for his taste--the chief said he tasted of
terbaccer." The lady walked to another
part of the ship and the captain smiled
and took a fresh quid of "terbaccer," him.
self
e-" Nothing" said an impatient hus-
band, "reminds me so much of Balaam
and his ass as two women stopping in,
church and obstructing the way to indulge
in their everlasting talk" "But you for
get, my DEAR" returned the wife, meekly,
Z" that it was the angel who stopped the.
way, and Balaam and his ass who COM
planned of it."
G8- A gentleman Of my acquaintance has
two orphan girls at his home. One of them
is of German and the other of Irish birth.
Some days ago they became angry with
one another, and the German girl called the
other " a dirty Irish nigger." The Irish
girl Immediately answered. "Git out, any
wan would know that ye had dutch face
by looking at yer big feet"
Csg- A New Bedford paper tells story
Of shopkeeper who advised lady custo-
mer to buy two mohair switches instead of
one, as the article was becoming scarce.
He said that the man whom he hired to
hunt NOES had only caught two within
fortnight.
CaS- Lightning recently struck tele-
graph pole and ran along the wire into the
Office at Coatsville, Indiana, when the
clerk seated at the instrument excitedly
telegraphed back, "Don't send so fastv'
CB- Sam, why am de belobed OBJ my
heart, Miss Dinah, de sunhower OBJ de hill,
like a kind OBJ cloth dey make in Lowell 9n
SCI don't know, nigger-why ?' "Cos
she's an unbleaehed she-ting !"
eB An Indiana paper thus politely ex-
presses an opinion Of judge "He
knows just about as much of law as
mule does of mineralogy- chances be-
ing in favor of the mule"
gB 81 My German friend, how long have
you been marriedP'
"Vell, dis is a ting dat seldom don't like
to talk about, but ven does, it seems so
long as it never vas"
rE- At recent meeting of an Irish So
ciety in Boston, member made the fol-
lowing motion "Mr. President, move
yees that we whitewarsh the ceiling green
in harnor of the ovid flarg."
CB- A pack of wolves in sherbourne
county, Minnesota, chased couple of
lawyers five miles, and the New Orleans
Republican thinks it showed lack of pro-
fessional courtesy.
NB- An exchange says that Michigan
man dreamed recently that his aunt was
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