The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-12-26
VARIETY.


CANNor-The good of a mans life cannot b,
measured by the length Of his funeral procession
ALREADY-Look out for long, hard Winter
Susan b. Anthony's feet have already begun tC
grow cold sft4 rrf-Ir 1.s..a t..a.r r.
Nor CLOSE ESoUGH.-A Western editor, in hil
financial article, says, 81 Money is close, but moi
close enough to reach" .a -
% The viIest sinner may RETURN wrote a pious
Methodist girl to her lover, with whom she had
parted in anger.
Busy" How many people," says Jeremy
Taylor, 81 are busy in this world gathering to-
gether a handful OF thorns to sit upon! :"
Nor PAK1IcuLAR.-There is something noble
about goat that all boarders might initiate. He
is not particular what he feeds upon.
It's forty years, my old friend John, since
we were boys together.'' Is it? Well, don't
speak 50 loud there's that young widow in the
next ROOM"
SHOULD BIZ ABLE.-'' My notions Of a wife at
forty," said Douglas Jerrold, s' is that man
should be able to change her. like bank note,
for two twenties-" /"
SHE SroPPEp.-'i memorial bust OF the Earl
Of Aberdeen and Mrs. PartingtOn stopped to
eouteanplate the horrible sight OF an Earl on
memorial bust. 80 Isaac" said she, with mex
pressible solemnty, be careful and never bust. s"
copy Of Homers '' Odyssey at a bookstore in
Norwich, Conn, the other day. and the clerk not
finding t, remarked in a reflective way, 1" Well,
we haven't any Of Homer's latest works in at
present"
The PROPER THING.-Sam wants to know it
it's the proper thing for man to be prOdded with
elbow at half-past one at night, and awakened
to answer his wile's query as TO whether or not
hic Jdcsf gloria H1NdI Is right? r
PoMPOsrrT.-Washington Irving once alluded
10 a man Of superior pompOsity as . great man,
and IN bic own estimation, man Of great
weight. When he goes to the West he thinks
the East tips GP-"
SrGAR PLuM LaNGUAGE.-When n Brooklyn
woman feels that resistance to tyrants is duty TO
God and kicks her husband through the front
door, she bOrrows the sugar plum language Of the
pastor, and calls their action outward mani
festation Of" true inwardness.
SArIR1cAL-The revival Of Tupper's name by
the odd circumstance Of his being pensioned-just
reply, when tbaS truthful gentleman was in this
country, to the inquiry What. Mr.. Thackeray,
do your people think Of Mr.. Tupper?"- f" Our
people" said the great satirist, do not think
Of Mr.. Topper"
LOCKED UP.-A man about two-thirds drunk,
and his back covered with mud, stopped police
man on the street and asked to be locked up.
- w by, YOU are able 70 walk home, aren you ]!
asked the officer. - Yes, / could get home all
right, but don't want to, and you WOuldn't IL
you had my wife Take me down, ole feller,
and if she comes inquiring round just say I've
gone to T'ledo on 'pOrtant business"
The late Hon. Sam. Galloway, Of Columbus,
Ohio. was a remarkably homely man. On one
occasion, while dining with personal and politi-
cal friend in Chllicothe, the six seven year old
daughter of his host, who had been intently
C.IIn ryfa fac
heard by all at the table a. Ma, didn't that
mans mamma love children mighty well?' Why
90. NV dear 2'' asked her mother. "Oh, Just
cause she raised him
Her hand was Erst to reach and drag
The bottle from the shelf fs
a. It is your curse, dear John, she said,
And drank it up herself.
A TAILoR's DREAx.-A - whip-the-cat,' as
jobbing tailors used to be called in Scotland, sp
peared in his shop one morning with very rue
fuI visage and his fellOw-workman asked what
allied him. - Man, wull, - said the detected, a.
had an awful dream last night. L thought was
in the bad place, an my bits o cabbage were
spread oOt afore me. IN ne'er cabbage mair. "
A few days afterwards, however, he had occasion
to cut out a councillors scarlet gown, and, a
most tempting % aff-cut" presenting itself, he
Welded to the tempter. His friend reminded him
OF his dream and or his resolution, but be got
him by answerIng-ss oh, haena forgotten Z;
but I mind moo that amang n the bits O. elaith
saw that nicht there wasna single scrape O. red
amang them
Speaking Of the back-pay business reminds an
Ohio paper that about seventeen years ago
youEg boy residing in Wood county, took a black
eat skin, from which the original tail of the cat
had been removed, and a mink's tail nicely sewed
on instead, and sold it to certain buyer OF furs,
NOT MANY miles from Grand Rapids, for 81 %.
m was done ne a practical joke, but the boy kept
the money, grew 70 be a prosperous business man,
ioined church, but his conscience uPbraided him
"a much that a few days ago the ex-iur dealer re-
ceived note incIosing 1910, principal and IN
terest. The joke u now on tne iul Ieai aI; - d nI
IFoId. n for IS. As he cannot find the purchaser
be nroposes to contribute the money to some be-
neyoIent purpose