The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-09-09
SCRAPS.
An afterthougl,t-

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The nearest approach: to q CONF
dence game is pulling mules TAIL
Burd Grubb is the owner Of New
port yacht; so they call him Canary
Seed:
The Queen didn't so much as 60
out in ting to meet the American
base balists.
Why ought not q timepiece to be
be called a thingummy? Because it
is Q watch you call it.
It has been noticed that nothing
makes woman laugh so much new
get Of teeth.
A man advertises in New York
paper for bar-keeper, "who must be
Recommended by his pastor"
Keep your own secrets, youth will
blab, and it is quite certain that age
arill tel.
Darling, its bedtime; all the chick
ems have gone to bed. Yes, mamma9,
and SO has the old hen.
"ohl ma. There's an angel with
wings" "Pshaw! that's only a
( louisville girl with her ears sprca ad.'
To obtain a postage stamp at q
Niagara hotel requires five minutes
struggle with two negroes and bald.
head bools-keepcr.
A student of anatomy, says he has
not yet been able to discover the
!abone of contention" but thinks it,
must be situated near the jaw-bone.
When a Chicago man can't lie on
his back and 60 to sleep without
dreaming of his mother -in-law, it is
considered sufficient ground for d.
yoree.
Who is the straightest man men,
toned in the Bibic7 Joseph, because
Pharaoh made a ruler of him. And
that's why he remained stationary in
Egypt.
"You hear me- is going out Of
fashion. 'That's me that coughing
isthe absolutely latest way Of en-
phasizing and calling attention to
your rcmarks.-Chicqgo Tribune.
A minister ONCE prayed: 30 Lord
We thank Thee for the gooHy num-,
Der hero tonight, and that thou art
hero also notwithstanding the in
.clemency Of the weather. !
Noble lords are scarce at the wa
tering-piaee hotels, and cruel Wes-
tern man accounts for it on the
ground that it is not time for the bar
bers to take their Summer vacations.
To make q hoy's trousers last.
When YOU make q suit Of clothes for
him, finish the coat first, and by so
doing you make the trousers last It
is the only way the thing can be
done.
.aJohn;" said father to his son one
day when he taught him shaving the
down off his upper lip, "don't throw
your shaving water out where there
are any barefooted boys, for they
might get their feet ,pricked'"
u The Turkish government has for
me,rly stated to tho United States
Minister that it intends adhering to
its recent prohibition Of the sales of
Bibles in Turkey.
"Look .'cre now, Salusha," yelled a
Clay county, Missouri, woman to the
oldest girI, "don't bend over that well
30 fur. You'll fall in therc some of
these days, and then Well have to
carry water"
When they told an Indiana woman
Shat her hpsban had been sliced up
by a reaper, she impatiently replied:
swell, take the pieces to the barn !;
] can't leave the gooseberry sauce
Just now"
Well, Johnny, how are you getting
.on7 How do you like your new
master?" "Faith, Miss, 1 dunno"
"He's q very excellent man: You
can't do too much for him" can
sure, Miss, l don't name to-
One reason why Wisconsin hired
girls get four dollars per weok, is be-
cause they have to 60 down the stairs
at midnight to Investigate strange
noises, while the man Of the house
takes up a position under the bed.
aWhat do you know Of the char
acter of this man?' was asked Of a
witness at a police-court the other
dav. "What dol know of his char
acter7 know it to be unbleachable.
your honor" he replied with much
emphasis.
Whan they tried to force Miss Gay,
of Independence, Missouri, into a
marriage agaiut her will, she kicked
the minister's hat off, knocked tho
young man down, and rode off on a
mule, with one foot on each side of
him.
A subscriber asks our commercial
man to quote the wholesale price of
soda bottles. He says he can't afford
to pay five cents apiece for them when
the roof of his woodshed is the head
quarters of all the cats in the neigh
,borhood.
When a Tennessee husband will
,horsewhip his wife for washing .po-
,tatoes in his Sunday plug hat, it is
time to enquire whether this genera
ton of men isn't getting to be too
iconfonndad high toned for the ago of