The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-03-13
FACTS AND PANnIEs

is about forty women"
If railroad train that ia run into IN,
another is telescoped, a man who is run
into by a wild young OK must be stere-
scoped.
: "A Pennsylvania man went out 10 get
his boots heeled, eight years ago, and
as be has never returned his wife is be-
coming uneasy.
Dean Stanley said, in late sermon,
that as a matter of history, there are no
Successors to the apostles. They died
without appointing others in their stead.
, For an English sixpenoe and hand
full of powder one can buy a wife in
, Ashantee, and IL he hasn't the sixpence
they will take tho powder.
-Tennyson doubtless had the temper
ance war in mind when he wrote:
"wOmon is the weaker man, andahor passions
As is cider unto whisky, and as wAtor unto
wine"
At revival in Montgomery county
recently, n young convert forgave all
his enemies, especially the fellow who
threw his pup into a yellow jackets
nest
"A man was boasting that ho had
been married for twenty years and had
never given his wife n cross word.
Those who know him say he didn't
dare to.
1t is so cold in some parts Of Yer
mont that whisky has 10 be chopped out
of the barrels with n hatchet, but pur-
chasers don't complain So long as hatch
cts are plenty.
The man who imagintd himself
wise because he detected some typo
graphical errors in a newspaper, has
gone eastward TO get a perpendicular
view of the rainbow.
-" Paddy" says joker, "why don't
you have your ears cropped they arc
entirely too long for q man." "An5
| yours, " replied Pat, ought to be length
ened; 4; they are too short for an ass"
Lord Derby says Waiting
things 10 turn up is unphilosophical az
we'll as improbable. Things willtur1
up Just as fast and as often while yo1
are working as while you are waiting,
Charles sees his wife,s mother and
goes one better:
The train that brought his wife came down,
And then won't sweeping on,
But, woe to him, his wife had brought
His mother-in-law along.
| He lived, for life may well be borne
Ere SORROW breaks its chain,
But this last streak just settled him
lie never smiled again.
Rev. Gent" But you really can
have no serious reason TO wish To be
parted from your wife. Rustic-"Well
no, sir like my wife well enough
but you see, she don't please mother"
Japanese silks will be more fashion
able next summer than they have ever
been, we hear. Some of the new pat
erns are exceedingly pretty, and for
evening dresses will "make mp lovely"
Brown says that the three leading
parties in the British parliament are /,
represented by himself and his wife,
He is only conservative himself, butf
his wife is both radical and homf5
ruler.
1t was Fond du Lac boy who, Sos
ing dog with muzzle on for the frst
time. exclaimed Mamma, mamma,
hoopskirts there goes dog with one
on his nose"
The following queer epitaph is said
to have appeared in a Philadelphia
paper
Grim death has taken darling little Jerry,
The son OF Joseph and Sevena Howles.
Seven months he suffered with the dyeontery,
And then he persisted with his little bowels.
Perhaps twas weaving injured little Jerry,
His bottle seemed to hurt his stomachs
But with tie angels he'll get plump and merry,
For there's no nursing bottles where he's
gone.
"A Hartford gentleman who had tar
ried late at a wine supper found his
wife awaiting his return in high state
of nervousness. Said she, {" Here I've
been waiting and rocking in a chair till
nv head spins round like a top
" Jess so where I've BEEN" responded
he "its in the atmosphere"
1t was at a party u nc some youngla-
dies we're discussing the relative benefits
of the sparrows and the worms,
when one OF the fair ones appealed 10
young Fizzletop, who had just joined
them, and had not caught tho drift of
the conversation, (which do you think
the worse, worms or sparrows2" What
did the stupid brute do but innocently
answer, az don't know; / never had
any sparrows.'
Seth Green, having stocked innu-
merable rivers with all sorts OF fish,
now proposes that frogs should be reared
for the market. He urges that the hun
dreds Of agnant pools that abound in
every locality of New York could
easily be stocked with frogs, and that
a large profit could be made by send
ing the full grown frogs TO the cities
and large towns, where they are
recognized and popular article Of food.
The annexed rendering Of the
Lords prayer in verse, from whose
hand we know not, is certainly very fe-
licitous
Our Heavenly Father, hear our prayer.
Thy name be hallowed eyerywheroi
Thy Kingdom come Thy perfect will
In earth as heaven let all fulfill
Give this days bread that we may live
Forgive our sins NJ We forgive;
Help us temptation 10 Withstand;
From evil shield us by Thy hand;
Now and forever unto Thee,
The kingdom, power and glory be.
Princes Mary, of Cambridge, now
the Princess Teck, and cousin 10 Queen
Victoria, is-ungallant as 1t may be TO
say it-e1trenely fat. A story has Just
come TO light that during her maiden
hood negotiations were entered into for
an alliance for her with Victor Emman-
uel. That potentate visited London,
and was introduced 20 his charmer.
when the subject was broach-
ed. he electrified the English statesmen
with the remark: "Why, that woman
would sit on the seven hills Of Rome at
once"
An old Partisan beggar, famous
for his success, thus explains the bust
ness "rules 10 which he says he inva-
riably adheres al never asked aims OF
any one who has dined, as rosbg rem
deTs man selfish nor Of stout men,
as IL bores them TO stop; nor any one
putting an his gloves, nor Of lady
alone /; but always of any one manifestly
going to dinner, of people walking to-
gether, as their amour oropre makes
them generous of officers in grand uni
forms and OF people apparently seek
ing favor from the Royernment-they
think that a gift will briugIthem luck"
The Deacons Grief.