The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-11-20
Ely Foolish Fingers.
BY UNCLE ALBERT.

BY UNCLE ALBERT.
The fingers on one of my hands had a
quarrel the other day; at least L
dreamed they did, and that's just as we'll.
1t seems they thought / was asleep, and
took the chance to pitch into one an
other.
The first I noticed of it there was
general commotion, and the middle and
ring fingers were pushing each other
very spitefully. Each of them wanted
all the room.
"Now you just stand aside" said
Mr. Middle I'm the longest and big.
est, and have the best right here. You
are always sticking yourself up and
getting in The way. I'll have you un-
derstand that the middle of the hand is
all mine, and if you know when it's
good for you, you'll keep away"
At this Mrs. Ring was so indignant
she could not speak, and Mr.. Fore
Finger, jumping up in a great furry,
shouted
"No, you don't either, You insolent
fellow Mrs. Ring and ! aun down
into the middle just as much as you do,
and, putting us together, we occupy
more of the middle than you do. If
you don't behave yourself we will take
you in hand together and give
you such a thrashing as you never had
You are a great overgrown lubber,
good for nothing but to get in the way
of better people"
At this Mr.. Fore stretched himself
up as high as he could beside his
neighbor, while Mr. Middle looked
down on him with great contempt, and
said sneeringly
"Out upon yon! You are so much
of nobody that 1 never think of you
some great business, and then there
you are, blunderirg around In the
way"
"Humph - retorted Mr. Fore,
''pretty talk, indeed. Mrs. Ring and /
have been in love these years, and we
can't enjoy each others company for
YOU and your impudence."
Here these two drew back as if pre-
pairing for fight. In doing so Mr..
Middle crowded Mrs. Ring so that she
cried out:
"You are pretty fellows, to be sure.
/ abhor you both. l wouldn't conde-
scend to associate with either of you.
Haven't / always wore the wedding
ring because L am directly connected
with the heart? heard my owner read
ing about il to-day, and now do you sup
pose I'll have anything to do with either
of you low bred fellows? | just wish
You would fight so as to pull each other
out by the roots, and then I'd be clear
of you and have it all to myself, the
only proper way for lady of my blood
and next to the heart y
At this speech Miss Little Finger
quivered all over as she fairly screamed :
81 guess there's somebody in the
world beside you, Mrs. Ring You are
the HleGnest, most conceited thing
ever saw. There is no getting along
with you, you put on so many silly airs
lust because some Ounce used to think
YOU were closer connected to the heart
than the rest of us. I'll have you under
stand I've just as much to do with the
heart as you. And more than that, I'm
nicer and prettier than you. You are
too big for lady. I'm just as graceful
and nice as can be. Everybody admires
me. They stick the wedding ring on
you Just because you are SO homely as
to need something to makeyou passable.
I'm handsome enough without it"
By this time each of the four fingers
was mad ut all the other three, and
stood off as much as it could, looking
funny enough. l don't know that they
ever would nave come together again
in the world if it had not been for Mr.
Thumb. He stood up very still and
dignifed, and said in deep bass voice,
very slowly, and with good deal of a
Sneer
"Wel], well, you are four of the shall
lowest fools / ever saw. Got up a reg.
ular family fight about nothing. I've
half mind to give you all good drub-
bing. I'd like to know what any one
of you would do alone. You'd cut a
pretty figure wouldn't you, Topping
around IN the air with no one to lean
on?"
"Shut up y they all cried together
seeming to forget their differences in
common opposition to Uncle Thumb
"Shut up. You've no business med.
ding in our affairs. You don't belong
TO our family. You are not a finger al
all, but thumb. Nature set you away
OF by yourself because you are not fl
to be in goodcompany, you short, clum
sy old stump, you =
"All right, +" said Uncle Thumb, cool
ly; "I'm glad 1 don't belong to YOU
family if you keep up this kind of {
rumpus all the time. I'm an old bach
elor and can get along alone-shove m,
own way through the world. But
guess you'd all wish me back if / wer,
gone You seem to make good deal o
me, anyway.
Now il seemed TO me that the bes
way to stop this quarrel for good was t
let each one of the very independen
folks try TO do some common thin
alone. SO / told my thumb to pick u
a pin. The fingers all agreed the
wouldn't help him, but would see ho'
he made out alone. Thumb made div