The weekly Oskaloosa herald. [volume] (Oskaloosa, Iowa) 1855-1885, 1874-05-07
IncinHu Wit.

shoes ?" asked that villanous distur
Der, Pollock.
"He never bez no money, answer
ed Luclndy.
swat did he do with the money
| paid him fur his corn, two weeks
ago ?" wuz the innocent question Nv
Pollock.
1t was spark NV fire in maga
zine.
"Hez he sold his corn ?" she ask
ed, her voice quiverin with emosheu.
"He did sell it to me two weeks
ago." sed Pollock.
"The ornery cuss /! Why, he
promised me a pare NV shoes and
the baby some new cloze when be
sold that corn,"
"But my deer Mrs. Gavitt." sed
the hypecritikle sneak, "you know
| Just then Mrs. Bascom was re.
turning.
"But you know" he continyood,
che he'd to pay Bascom, becoz-by
the way, there goes Mrs. Bsscom
agin, and amt she a sumner ?-be.
coz G. w. he'd to go to Louisville to
git hiz wite's winter outfit, and he
he'd to hev what Issaker owed him.
"And the munney fur the corn,
wich planted, and hoed, and shuck.
ed, he'd to 60 to put cloze on Liz
Bascom, did it? Liz Bascom hez
cloze, hez she ?"
And this enraged woman howled
with emoshun, as did Mirandy Pog-
ram and her mother.
And Pollock kept addin fuel to
the flame he he'd kindled.
"Here," said he to Lucindy, "is a
lovely piece NV velvet wich would
make you an elegant sack, and Lord
bless you, how this French flannel
would make up in dress and cloak
for your baby. 1t does seem to me
though Issaker and the Deekin mite
let you wimmin hev enuff munney to
git you sum things. 1t seems pity
that Mrs. Bascom shood hev every
thing 20
If there is anything which'll make
a lion out ov a woman its the desire
for dry goods. Pollock knowd this
and he played it unto EN-. He show
ed en- dry goods till they became
ravin maniacs.
These three misguided wimmen
left the store croosaders-they wuz
so many Jone ov Arks. Threw the
mud they went TO Mrs. McPelter's,
and to Mrs. Elder Pennibacker's and
to the wife of every regler resident
NV the Corners, and they determin.
ed to make a move onto Bascom,
and stop his biznes anyway, SO that
the money spent at his bar could be
yoosed IN Citing cloze for their chill
dren. They appoin ed Toosday last
ez the day on wich they wus to make
the raid. They arranged perces-
sion. with banners onto wich they
were to write "Less rum-more
cloze," and they were to visit Bas.
com and set down in his grocery and
compel their husbands not to drink
no more, and Bascom not to sell EN-
an tDlng any hoIe.
There wuz wild forebodings of
woe in Bascom's. q. w. hisself,
and Issaker Gavitt, and Deekin Pog-
ram and myself all sot with pale
faces, dreading this invashun. l am
a man Nv resources. / advised that
a barl be rolled out into his barn and
bar be extemporized there, where
we could get our nips till this cy-
clone shcod pass over. This G. w.
consented to do, and thus fortified
we sot down and awaited the attack.
Wat military conkerer wuz it that
wuz saved from annihilation by the
weather gettin so warm and yeeldin
ground SO soft that the enemy Good
ent move their artillery 1t was a
similar interposishen that saved us.
Toosday mornin broke ez warm end
ez pleasant ez May-day. The sun
come out smilin, and it wuz warm
enuf' to go barefoot, and the Corners
wuz happy. The perceshen was to
march at eleven.
eve are lost said Bascom,
gloomily.
"Oh. that shood live to see this
day 70 sighed Deekin Pogram.
'Let US comfort ourselves like
men," sed l. "This is Cyclone. 1t
will only last a few days. Cannot
we submit to deprivation for that
time ?''
Ten o'clock arrived. The wind
set in from the north. Issake rush
ed out and looked at the sky, and
came back with hope in his counte,
| nance.
'sEf this wind holds we are saved,
ha it is growing colder There's
flakes of snow in the air /! the per-
Goshen can't move. THE perceShen
amt got no shoes.
1t did get colder. The wind came
raw in icy blasts. We consulted the
only thermometer we hev in the
Corners, wich is little niger boy,
on wet plank barefoot. We deter
mine the degree Nv cold by asser-
tainin how long he kin stand out
doors in that way. 1t is primitive
but akkerit.
Half past ten It wuz BLOWN a
gale, and wuz ez cold ez blew blazes
1t wuz impossible for any woman
with out shoes or underclothes, to
stand it in the open air.
Deekin Pogram came in, his fros
ty nose CLOWN with JOY, and he fell
on Bascom's neck, ejackilatin, "Sav.
ed saved -
"Hooray y shouted Issaker Gavitt.
"without shoes and shawls not a
cussed one Of EN- kin git out Nv doors
/ to-day"
| Bascom wept tears Nv JOY as he
asked us TO take suthin.
"Yoo see," sed Deekin Pogram
show Providence keers for us. E
we he'd wasted our mummy on clozt
and sich, the wimmin wood he'd US
Mummy put in wimmin's cloze is wus'
than wasted. Eff they he'd clozt
they'd bin here this mint tormen
tin Nv US.
We wuz saved this time-will we
be the next I? We await fair day
with dread. Pollock and Biglel
will hev them wlmmen out whether
or no, Just ez soon ez it gifts warm
enuff. PETROLEUM V. Massey,
(Which wus Postm aster.
THE CURRENCY BILL VETO.