Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1874-02-11
GRANGE SECRETS REVEALED.
How limitations are Conducted.


On being brought into the ante>room Of tho
| lodge (Greengrooer Temple, No lOl, was told
! that had been ballotod TOR and accepted. My
I informant, who was securely masked by what
aflerward learned was n large burdock leaf, per-
/ fOraied with holes for tho eyes, told me that IL
! ] valued my life IL would be necessary for me to
strip As | did considerthat of considerable worth
to me and he italicized his wishes by carele less
/ ~ playing with a seven-shooter ! withdrew
! from my garments with eagerness Ny masked
! friend then furnished mo with the regalia
! of first dcgree-caled The Festive Plough boy
which consisted merely of one large cabbage
| leaf attached TO waist band of potato vines. In
! this airy custome / was conducted TO the dooH
I where my companion gave three distinct raps.
/ u was securely blindfolded by binding a slice
! ofrutsbaga over each eye) sepulchrsl voice
! from within asked; Who comes ~
| My giide answered "a youthful agriCultur
! ist who desires TO become granger"
Sepuchral Noice-Have you looked him care
! fully over?
Guid-I have, noble gate.keeper.
s. N.-Do you find any agricultural marks
about his person?
Guide-L do
), N.-What are they
Guide-The candidate has carroty hair, red
dish whiskers, and turnup nose.
s. Wis well. Why do you desire TO be-
come a granger
Guide lanswer for candidate)-That may be
thereby the better enabled to harrow up the
feelings of the rascally politicians
VI
worthy stripping, as you cannot see l will
cause you to feel that you are received at the
door on the three points of ptchfork, piercing
the region Of the stomach, which is TO teach
you the three great virtues-faith hope and
charity Faith in your self, hope for cheaper
farm machinery. and charity for the lightning
rod pedder. You will now be harnessed, and
in representation of the horse, Pegasus, will be
tested as to endurance and wind.
The candidate is here attached to a small imi-
tation pillow. by means of hemp harness. A
dried pumpkin-vine is put in his mouth for Il
bit and brdle-he is made to get down upon all
tours, the guide Selling tho bride, and urged on
by q granger armed with a Canada thistle
which he vigorously applies ut the terminus
of the spine, the candidate is galloped three
times round the room. White making the cir
cult the members arise and sing:
Get up and dust you bully boy
Who wouldn't be granger?
uthe thist'cs Pr X don't cause YOU Joy,
To feeling you mus be estTanged, an
After this violent exercise he is rubbed dry
with corn cobs, beeswaxed where thistled, and
brought standing up before the great chief-the
most worshiptul pumpkin head.
NJ. W. p. H-Why do you desire 70 be g
granger?
Candidate, answering for himselfD-That I
may learn to extinguish sewing machine agents.
NJ. W. p. H-iaye your hands been hard
Candidate-Not extensively, but then I am
not running for office.
NJ. w. 7. Hits well, for our lodges con-
tain several who are supposed TO be ready to
sacrifice themselves for the good of their con-
stituents. Do you feel pretty smart this even-
ing?
Candidate-Yes. where the hustle goes on
NJ. w. p. H sayagelyJ-Give me chaw
of tobscker!
Candidate searching himself thoroughly, but
as there is no place about him to stick pocket,
tries to explain, but the most worshipful pump
kin. head interrupts him with;
Never mind, my dear young friend-I am
well ayara that in yOur Dresant COndlion vou
can no more furnish your friend with the weed
than Adam could be comfortable in plug hat
and tight boots. 1t is merely to teach you the
great lesson of economy--doing TO others as
you'd like to have them to do you. You will
now be conducted to the most eminent squash
producer, who will teach you the grand hailing
sign OF distress. The sign, my worthy brother,
will insure you against many of the ills of the
agriculturist-amongst Others against drouths
and being bit by the ferocious grasshopper.
The candidate is now conducted to the most
eminent squash producer, who thus says My
worthy brother, ! will now invest you with the
order of the Festive Poughboy, which you have
well won by your heroic achievement while
harness ed--may you ever wear it with pleaure
TO yourself, and may it be means OF terrorto
your enemies
The 81. +. S. p then proceeds to invest the
candidate with the regal of the festive Plough
boy, which consists OF a long tomato necklace)
THE grand mailing sign of distress is made by
gently closing the left eye, laying the right fore
ging the ears. 1t requires practice, bu. the adj
vantages are intense. 1t also has An important
Specification, which you will do we'll to heed.
The closing of the eye signifies that in all your
dealings with mankind you are bound TO have
an eyeto business. Laying the finger alongside
the nose is emblematical of wisdom, and places
you at once among the knowing ones. This is
! extremely handy in prognostigating new wealth
er, and saves the wear and tear of almanRcs
Wagging the ears gnihes sublinty of pur-
pose, and is thought TO be emblematical of child
hoods happy hours 1t is also supposed by
some profound scholars 20 have distinct re-
ference 10 apple dumplngs, but this fact is some
what obscured by the dust of ages.-s In token
that you are one of US, you viii now be branded.
This ceremoney is very impressive and consists
OF two brands. They are both applied while
the iron is hot and consists Of one letter of
the alphabet each. The first is large letter 3,
on which yon viii please cit while the other let
ter is applied to the stomach The letter s, my
worthy chicken, signifies cOoped and refers 10
railroad moROpOlez. IL is also supposed 10 in 4
dictate the seat OF learning-the spot where the
old-tfne teacher hunted for brains with the
ferule. The second leilcr is c, and Is applied.
as | -aid before, to the stomach. II has double
meaning. First, the Hppl cation Is Rn sgricultur
al one corn crh1 and has reference 70 The
stomach as being the great receptable ip- Bourb-
on whisky. Bat brother, do not be dlngent IN
fading q homo market for your corn. Ire sec-
oud application Of the letter o. my distracted il
FAINT i got hold Of ~ follows: When one gran
ger dpsire 70 ascert ain iOr sure II there Is an
other II the order in tue room, he raises himself
gently by the slack Of his-Of his unmention-
ables-scratches his of thing with his near hooi,
I & IL. hNaf hEF.s