The Placer herald., 1874-04-11
THE BEST SEWING MACHINE.

VIC w uot oitcu CouucSCcLu W duNcI'lSC
gratis. But we give the following for the
benefit of our readers without murmur:
There was Mr.. Hubbard He drove up
to the door, unloaded sewing machine,
and said if we wanted machine which could
do all kinds of work, run easily, hem, tuck
ruffle, gather, braid and be a thing of joy
forever and forty days more, we shouldn't
fail to buy the "Lightning Singer"
bought it, and when, after week, he want
ed certificate, cheerfully wrote this
| one:
"This is to certify that have had the
Lightning Singer in my house for some
time past, and wouldn't be without it for
twice its cost. 1t hadn't been in my house
half day before my son recovered from
the whooping cough, and my wife found a
| ten.dcllar bill on the sidewalk I think it
is the best machine ever made, can't bear
to 60 to bed and leave it.
He said he was ever so many times
obliged, and he hadn't got out of sight be-
fore Kilroy drove up with the "Thunder &
Blazes" machine. He began to snuff at the
other machine; said we'd been humbugged,
and that his machine was the only frst-class
machine in the market.
My wife began to cry, and he soothed
her by offering to trade his machine for the
other, which he could sell for old iron, and
$50 to boot. We made the trade. He
said the Thunder q Blazes" would make
any kind of stitch, sew any kind of fab
ric, and outrun anything but locomotive
III ha a
certificate all written out, and signed it,
"This is to cerefy that have gained ten
pounds of flesh each day since purchasing
your machine, and that my wife hadn't run
it half an hour when her uncle died and left
her two hundred thousand dollars. Not one
of the children has had cold since the day
the Thunder & Blazes came through the
gate. 1t plays easily, the strings are not
liable to snap, the stops are easy to manage;
and it is the only machine in the world
which can be operated by a read headed
woman with a cork leg. | can stay out
until eleven o'clock every night now, and
my wife hasn't a word to say. Formerly
she used up four rolling pins, costing two
shiliugs each, per week"
Then McNlannus came told him that
we had the best machine in the market, and
he asked to look at it, He hadn't fairly
got lis eyes on the "Thunder q Bazes" be-
fore he commenced to laugh.
"Ho-ho~ho!' he shouted, as he dropped
on char-''it will kill me-did you ever
oh! ho-ho!"
sternly asked the cause of his hilarity
and he replied that Kroy had swndled us
taken us in--cheated us stone blind.
The "Thunder q Blazes'' wasn't worth a
darn, he said-was an old machine invented
by blind man and patented by fool My
wife began to weep.
"But," said McMannus, "thar were his
machine, the Chained Earthquake, it was
the machine, and all other machines were
base limitations. We might try it, and if
we didn't like it he would cut his throat
with brick-saw." We tried it, and when
he came around with his certificate, signed
it:
"This is to certify that your sewing ma
chine has saved me ten per cent. in fuel,
and twenty per cent. in hay and corn since
we purchased it. licked an alderman,
pulled schoolmaster's nose and kicked
member of the Legislature the second day
after we got the machine, and we hadn't
owned it week when | found where |
get trusted for meat and wood, and discover
ed -four shed unlocked. There hasn't
been cloudy day since the machine first
started, and the moon now rises two hours
earlier and lasts all night. No one should
be without it"
He took the certificate with triumphant
smile, and
But must leave off here. Mr.. Farms
worth has just called with ''The Five
Jeweled Duplex High Low machine-the
only leading machine in market, and he is
telling my wife how she got swindled by
McMannus.