The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-06-20
WIT AND WISDOM.

by you IN storm swarms of insects will
surround you III sunshine
The difference between bearer and
sealing wax is, that sealing-wax burns to
keep a secret and the tale-bearer burns to
tell one
Macbeth must have been tobacco chew
er as his way of life had fallen into the
scar and yellow leaf
Two horns will last an OK a lifetime. but
many man wants that number every
morning before breakfast.
Punch says since the Twenty third Reci-
ment have returned from Comassie and
got that new goat from Her Majesty at
Windsor, they have become 50 he-gOat-
lstical that there il no standing them.
Pnch's receipt for the preservation of
furs is excellent Pull out all the hairs
with tweezers, and varnish the skin In
the spring remove the varnish and careful
ly stick all the hairs in their old places
well, my boy, how did you like the
new school, did you learn anything to
dayi inquired an anxious mother Of her
tive-year-old. 20, yes n replied the child,
with an ar Of proud satisfaction, II
learned golly."
where there il a Will there il a way I'm
but half will was long sihce proved ~
better able to make way than no will at
all, and this is emInently true il, 50 prac-
tical a work as Labor Reform.
A woman confessed to a priest that she
was guilty of scandal. He gave her ripe
thistle top, and told her to scatter the
seeds, one by one, IN every direction
She obeyed, and returned after her task
was done. He then ordered her To 20
back and collect the scattered seed She
objected, saying It would be impossible
Tie replied it would be still more lnposs.
bic to gather up and destroy all the evil
reports which she had circulated about
others.
''Begorra, had ticket, and sure I've
| lost 1t. Then, said the conductor of
sleeping car, you cant come IN without
1t. After some alteration could he re
member the number Of the berth for which
the ticket Was got Me birth. sure can.
for wasn't born un the 10Th day If June
Ia the year ri.
Think before you speak what YOU shall
speak, Why you should speak to whom
you should speak, about whom You are
to speak, what Will come from what You
may speak, what may be the benefit from
what you may speak, and lastly, who may
be listening to what you may speak Turn
your speech seven ways, and there will
never come any harm from " hat you have
spoken.
And oh mamma, do you know, as ~
were coming along, We saw a hurrid We
man, with 4 red striped shawl, drink
something uut of bottle, and then hand
1t to some men I'm sure she was tipsy.
Beatrice, (who always looks on the best
side Of thmgs,) Perhaps 1t was only cas-
tor oil, after all. ~
The face which is enshrined in our
hearts, and which comes to US in our
dreams long after it las muudered in the
grave-that face y not the exact mechani-
cal cuuntenance NJ the beloved person,
but it, ldealizatIon, its abstract, essence
and lie. And the finer the character, and
the more various its intellectual powers,
the more this true essence must differ
from the most faithful likeness that a
painter OF sculptor can produce.
A Chinaman entered a store in Helena.
Montana, the other day, and walking up
to the counter, deposited urasshopper
thereon, saying, as he gazed upon the
clerk with conhdlng look "He tou
much hoppee All hoppee- stop him. YOU
sabbee XII The ubhging clerk Al once com
menced measuring uf musquto tar. u the
intense delight 81 the heathen The grass
hoppers had been destroying his garden.
and wanting to purchase some musquito
bar, but not knowing the name of the
article, he brought the destroyer with HIM,
and the clerk understood IN moment the
| article needed.
This is one Of the Cincinnati C0luner-
cal letters from the people Mr. Editor
| VIII you please enquire I'd som lawyer w
advertise IA your paper weather can Kit
devorce IN this State. ! find il un posi-
Bile TO live eny longer with my wife
heV bean married. tweed and may God fur
give me for taking the last one months
ago. She is 10 years older an and de-
ceaved me by waring false hair and teath,
and pussetive fact her breth is 50 bad
that it rots the false teath. izzent that
cause enough afore emmy coart. If you
! PRINT your anser mark ii III N N Y. don't
PRINT my name. Yours Id hopes The
crops i looking good saving We need rain
badly.
A young Western lady who prides her
self on her propriety, lately wrote home
to her parents regarding her boarding
school associates. She said ''The girls
are awful slangy One of them told me
the first day came here that had better
/ walk off on my ear. The little chit |
felt Just like putting tin roof in her
And they use such disgusting phrases AZ
| you bet. and bully have pitched into
them several times for their slang. but
they tell me to cheese il, ana II they uo
on IN this way | shall git up and lit, YOU
bet
Injun probabilities. Mebbe snow to-
morrow mebbs heap damn hot Much
like pale face, onsartln.
The three county commissioners Of Barn
well, ). e., convicted Of corruption. have
been sentenced, respectively, to ten years,
nine years, and thirteen months III the
penltentiary. They Will take their carpet
bags with them.
A robin had built nest under the north
stoop Of the court house at GeneseO. N
T., and few days ago her brood Of young
robins made their first attempt to fly. As
one poor, half-fiedged bird was laboriously
flying near the ground, tigerish-looking
cat spled and gave it chase The bird hew
as best 1t could, but the cat sswift, stealthy
steps gained upon it, and the fate of the
bird seemed sealed. But its terrified cries
brought relief, and just as the cat pounced
upon and seized It in her mouth, half
dozen old robins lit on her back with such
fury that, dropping her prey, she incon-
tlnently turned tail and flew across the
yard, the relentless robins pursuing her
and hlling the air with their cries Not
till the cat took refuge in an adjoining
building did the robins give up the chase
and return to the young bird. The latter