The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-02-13
sPLINTkRS.

warrant.
Counter Observation-Disclosures
play.
A question OF lIme-asEing n la
~ her age. Il
a little boy deaOeA snerIng az
letting OF sleep.
The nation has not dscayed since
the last decade.
What is the latest thing in dress.
esq Night dresses.
Motto for sewing-mAcline..--Aa
you sew, so shall you rip.
1t does not follow that a man
who bolts his food will have The
lock- Jaw.
When IL candle like n tomb.
stoner When its Pnt up for 9 late |
husband.
There Is some Ice SUP north, rs
OLD ~ the ark---so IL IL called Attic |
Ice.
The man who was Injured by |
burst or applause is recovering.
Ought an advocate OF policy of
n0n-interference In every difficulty
be rewarded with q meddle2
A wife's text: "1he right man
In the right place-A husband at
home In tho evening"
The best person indeed the only
Person-to Gil vacuum, is a deEtist.
Newsboys arc never "broke," for
they always haye aa "eXtra-two
cents"
The lady that took every body's
eye must havO had quite lot of
them.
Tho man who was ali ship shape
must have seemed n little ont of
proportion.
To young canpaianeTs-lr your
tent is not waterproof Jon shonid
pitch II.
When your "5raln IL Ola fire" you
may as well blow Il ont.
A great many trsdespeopie oniy
give dft0en ounces 60 the pound. II
IL weight they have.
A Sacramento taper offered q
bible for his bltters. lie was bibu.
lously inclined.
Oarsmen object to rough water.
They say there IL no nee goiRg for
stakes In chop sea.
Why is the Louise-tArtAn certain
70 wash Well7 Because IL 10 In.
tended for the LOrnedress.
It looks funny 10 see n Young la
dy with both hands In soft dough
and a mosquito on the end Of her
nose.
Richmond has . society called
The Daughters OF the Golden
CAndleatick." They are probably
snu6srs.
Bllssfui imAgining-two ragged
nrchins outside restaurant win
dow, and two minneapolis inside.
A sensitive old batchior says that
pretty girls always affect hin, just
as ornamental confectionery does
they give him the heartburn.
"sir," said DIR. Johnson ait Is a
shame to speak I'll OF Q man behind
his back {; but 1 think the gentle.
man who has just tor the room Ia
AN attorney"
Dean Swift said: "It l. with
narrow-necked bottles---thc less
they have In them, the more noise
they make in pouring IL ont"
When Lord Sidmouth Que day
said, "Ay brains are gone TO tho
dogs, this morning." bis friend al
once calculated: "Poor dogl"
The twin brothers are said to 10
80 much alike that they frequently
borrow money of each other with
out knowing Il.
Some author Gays that ono of the
uSes of adversely Is to bring us out.
That's true, especially at the knees
aud elbows.
November and December, &C.
eordiDg TO u Hartford paper, are
the "emberE OF tho dying year.
Pretty good-fOr Hartford.
One OF the streams running into
Lake Superior from the north Is
called Temperance River" because
Il 10 the only one Of all the tributa-
ries OF the lake that has no bar At
Its mouth.
A Western paper describing tho
debut of q young orator says: "He
broke the ice fciicitously with his
opening, and was almost immedi-
ately drowned with applause"
A schoOl-boy, having very good
naturedly helped another In a diff
cult lesson, was AngrIly questioned
by the teacher, "Why did you work
his lesson" "To lessen his work. !"
replied the youngster.
chow hollow Il sounds!" said a |
patient under the movement cure,
- the physi was vigorously
pounding his cheat. "OhI" that's
nothingP said the doctor, "wait
until we get to the head"
A little boy having broken his
rOcking-horse the day il was
bought, his mother began to rebuke |
him, and threNtencd to box his
ears. He slleDced her by inquiring,
what is the good OF = horse until
tie broker"
HQuabbles, an old bachelor.
showed his stockings, which he had |
just darned, to maiden lady, who
contemptously remarked, 'Pretty
good for = man darner." Where |
upon Squabbles reioined, "Yes, |
good enough for n woman, darn |
her"
Somebody asked Tom Corwin 81
be had heard a certain story of
Lewis d. Campbell's. WAS II
about himself2" inquired Mr.
CROWN. mo, / believe not"
well, then, ! never heard IT," said
Mr.. CROWN grAvely.
\ Young lady saws that "A gen
tleman ought never to feel dis.
couraged when the "momentous
question" is negativcd, by the ob.
ject OF his choice, "for in life, as
in grammar, always decline before
we conjngste."
An old seaman, ~ a religious
meeting recently held in New
York, in relating his experience,
stated that when at sea in storms
and tempestS, he had often de-
rived great consolation from that
beautiful passage OF Scripture,
Faint heart never won fair lady"
A Pennsylvania preacher while
holding services, recently gave
thanks in a Cervcnt prayer, for the
prosperous condition of their crops
-''excepting, o Lord, the corn
which is backward, and the oats,
which are mighty thin in spots" ID
When Mr.. Wilboriorcc, the .
great anti-slayery advocate, was
Onca a candidate for Pnrlioroay, |