The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1874-11-12
THAT DETROIT POLICE COURT.
Gems From the Bench and Scintil.
1atIOns From the Gutter.

Slowly and sadly James Sweeney came out,
And on the trap door he was halted;
His hat was caved in, his boots were all
mud,
And his two eyes some rough 'un had
belted
you're sailor. aren't you q in
quired his honor, as the prisoner hung
to the railing and stood on one leg.
Eyes, sail" he answered.
Glow about this getting drunk p
rs that the charse9"
''Yes, sir.
Il thought it was stealing Chickens,
said the prisoner, heaving sigh Of re-
lief.
They found him lying on the wharf,
the cool breeze of an autumn evening
toying with his raven locks, and his
Flegs hanging gracefully over lump Of
Briar Hill coal. He didn't want to
''ccme along and he tried to kick the
officer below the belt and do murder.
He said he wanted to go and be an
angel; that the soft breeze was whis-
pering to him to cast off this shell
called life and fly to the stars, and the
officer had to trundle him down here in
handcart.
'What did the soft breezes seem to
say - inquired his honor,
Il don't remember much about it,"
replied the prisoner, slancing around in
an uneasy manner.
"Did they seem to say SIS or thirty
days!' asked the court.
The prisoner was undecided, and
Bijah rut the fatal chalk-mark on his
back and led him away.
Not for Joseph, oh dear, no
Not for Joseph nor for Joe -
Hummed the boys, as Joseph Becker
slid out and came to right dress and
eyes front.
"Attention, soldier" said his honor
after long gaze at the country's de-
fender, You have charged against the
breastwork of justice, and now let's
hear your excuse for being found shot
in the neck
"Fust time, yer honor" pleaded the
man.
"And you are repentant q
81 am"
"And YOU have made up your mind
to let whisky severely alone after
this %
81 have"
''Well, you can right face, forward
march, file right, and take the skirmish
line in defense of the cause of temper
ance. Remember, Joseph, that these
little whisky glasses are rifle pits along
the front of the enemy's line, and that
decanters and demijohns are strong
lines of earthworks behind his line of
battle. Every invitation from friend
o'take suthin wet, is arifsd fifteen
FOUNDER turned against you, and every
drunk is an abottis in favor of Satan S
position. Make yourself commander
in the cause of cold water. sage tea and
iced milk. Send out strong picket,
support them with four full companies
of infantry and field piece. If driven
in, send down a regiment to hold the
lines and order up the guns. Then, TN.
der cover of the smoke, mass your force
to strike his exposed left wing, and send
word down the line to unsling knapsacks
and go in with the bayonet. You may
go, James, but ponder and reflect on
these things
perkins, PERKINS?
Seems to me | have heard that name
before" unused the court, Julia Per-
Tins. damsel of twenty, came out and
gave her name.
Eyes, it's Perkins" she replied.
And Perkins was drunk p
mo. sir-Perkins was taken with
spell of dizziness.
''Ah Julia!'' said his honor, smiling
blandly, do not attempt to deceive
an old man like Inc, nearing the last
mile post on the road to the silent
tomb
''Well it wasn't anything but cider,
anyhow, she replied.
The officer said it was this brand of
cider which biteth like a serpent and
stingesh like a lost election bet. He
said she was drunk plain, straight
case, and when he was bringing her
down she tried to bite him.
''I've got witnesses" exclaimed
Julia.
'Prance EN- out" said his honor.
She looked all around, glanced up at
Bijah with an appealing look, and then
she settled back with sigh of despair.
''Chalk her for thirty said the
court, and Bijah crooked his finger for
her to follow him.
LOW, SAD SINGING
had been heard during the Perkins
trial, and the cause of it was led out.
The cause was Alice Mccarthy, over
whose auburn mead but three and
twenty years had tracked their silent
way. She had tears in her eyes, and
her nose took on the rosy hue of new
hose cart. 1t was case of shouting
drunk and the facts they were plain.
"a sad, sad CASE unused his honor,
deliberately impaling an ambitious
cockroach on the end of his pen.
A tear ran down her briny cheek.
"You might have been some ones
happy bride-had little cherubs to sit
on your knee-had chance to cut over
old clothes, and make preserves, he
continued.
A tear fell from the other eye.