Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1874-09-01

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A benevolent physician in Laporte
County, Indiana, gave Fourth of July
picnic 10 seven hundred children, not even
such dolicacies as cake, strawberries and
lie cream, being omitte,l. lie got back
his outlay in COLES, however. before the
week was over.
4 raw countryman, gazing at garden
in the vicinity of Boston, in which were
several marble stat Ics. exclaimed: Just
see what waste Here's no less than six
sea,>-e,ows in this tcn-foat patch, aud any
olo Of them would keep the crows from a
fvc-acre lot :"
Remember ;hat appearances are often
de,o;ying. Many pale, thin young lady
will en-; more cornell beef than carpcn-
ter. Because you Gnl her playing thu
piano in the parlor it Is no sign that her
mother IS not at the corner grocery rua-
ming in deb, for peek Of potatoes.
This advertisement is published in the
Fort Collins (Col.) Sentinel Wanted,
a1oa; fifty unmarried ladies', botwaea the
a.cs OF eighteen and forty, sound Of limb,
wind and hustle, by Gfiy uxorious bacho-
lors and ,sijowers Of this city. husbands
aud homes guaranteed. No crusaders
need apply"
\ Kentucky man while drunk ordered
Lis wife to take u hammer and a nail and
knock his teeth out. With that moohncss
Of spirit and Obedience which character
ICES her sex. that loving wife o5cycd the
Orders Of her lord. When he got sober
his swearing didn't count, because he
mumbled 50 it could not be understood.
\ promising youth OF nine summers,
IN western Massachusetts. At school,
recently relieved his oyer-buydenyd mind
Is follows:
Lord ol io,c lo3\ dow from ABOVE,
Upon "a, Hu!c scholars;
We have a tool To teach par school
Audp4y h1r twenty dollars"
Was it strategy that afflicted one of
a company Of soldiers during the war,
when their commanding oliscr ordered
them 10 rctale several guns captured by
the enemy? "C-captain," said this phi
,osopLcr in the face Of d;ngcr, If th-the
,-.-oss isn't very gr-grcat, why can't we
J-i-akc up col-I-lcctioa, ami p-pay for
the Old s-uaS.
\ Western philosopher discourscs after
the following wise "Do you chew gum
The price Of ;hre, pieces ! week. at one
cen; apiece, amounts to $50 a year, or
in six,y-seysn years to sIol52. That
sum Will purchase a complete set Of Ap-
p,etou's Cylo.vjia, ma-rjag, license, a
J.a-S hom5u:no dress Gc your aunt, a
German silver collin plate, AM oae,oo:.
On; this our, Young man, aud paste i; Oh
thc back Of your girl'. p' oiograPh."
Mile. Leyasucr, a !eajjn. tragic
a-tgess IN Paris, was once playing 4 mos;
,ou,aja-pay; in which thcheroine commits
saj,il, by taking poison. At tae affecting
passage, while she va. lid liry aIjcu to
dIc AMI making everybody sob, she sud-
denly changed her toaa and shricIci.
"Damna;ion what has been pu; into this
h2wl?' Imagine the eiT,st Of this hcmely
prose delivered in so energetic a manner
IN the mils; Of stately poetry! The ac;o:
Eeauyai.et, who loved practical joke,
had smcarcl the bcak2r with asafP;iia.
Colonel Congreye, the celebrated in
yeu,or Of the destructive Congreve rocket,
was q musical amateur, and one accom-
panied Madame Vcstria, the great singer,
tc view monument that had been erected
TO the memory of Purcell, the composer.
The colonel read aloud the cpitaph with
good emphasis aud incubation "He is
gone to that place where alone his kar-