Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1874-08-15

by him, and expressed as he understood them not
as my words, but ~ hints of my figures and letters
to be used by him in converting with Mr. Tlton.
He did not read the paper, nor did read il, nor
have ever seen it or heard it read until the pub
LEGATION Of Mr.. Titon's recent documents, and now
reading it,, 1 see in it thoughts that point to the
matter Of my DISCOURSE; but it is not my paper nor
my sentences, nor is it correct report of what
said. 1t is mere string of hints hastily made by
an Impractical writer, as helps to his memory, in
representing to Mr.. Tilton how | felt toward his
family. If more than this be claimed, if it be set
forth as in any proper sense my letter, then dis
own it. Some of its sentences, and particularly
that in which am made to say that had obtained
Mrs. Tiltons forgiveness, never could have said,
even IN substance. had not obtained nor asked
any forgiveness from her, and nobody pretended
that L had done so. Neither could | ever have
said that 81 humble myself before Tlton as before
dod, and to the man l thought had deeply it,
jured BUNDLED myself, as certainly did; but it
is useless to analyze paper prepared as this was
The remainder of my plain statement concerning
1t will be its best comment. This document was
written on three separate sheets of letter paper
After it was finished, Mr. Moulton asked me il
would sign it. 1 said no; it was not my letter.
lie replied that it would have more weight IL in
some way indicated that it was authorized to CON-
tain my sentiments. l took my pen and at some
distance below the writing and upon the lower mar
gin indicated that had committed the document
in trust to Mr. Moulton, and 1 signed the line,
" This written by me-" few words more as to
its further fate. Mr.. Moulton, of his own accord
said that after using it he would in two or three
days bring the memorandum back to me; and he
cautioned me about disclosing in any way that
there difficulty between Tilton and me, as it
would be injurious to Tilton 70 have it known that
had quarrelled with him, and to me to have ru-
mors set afoat
didn't trouble myself about it until more than
year after, when Titon began to write up his
case. and was looking up documents l wondered
n m Nd IN
see it for greater certainty. So, one day, sud-
denly asked Moulton for that memorandum, and
said, "You promised to return it to me-" He
seemed confused for moment, and said, "Did II"
Certainly" l answered. He replied that tho
paper had been destroyed. On my putting the
question again, he replied that the paper was burnt
up long ago, and during the next two years, in
various conversations, of his own accord he spoke
of it as destroyed had never asked for nor ar-
thorzed the destruction of this paper, but was
not allowed to know that it was in existence until
a distinguished man in New York within few
weeks past assured me that Moulton had shown
him the original. and that he had examined my
signature to be sure of its genuineness. know
that there was copy of it since this statement was
in preparation.
While 1 rejected this memorandum rs my work
or an accurate condensation of my statement, it
does undoubtedly correctly represent that was in
profound sorrow, and that blamed myself with
great severity for the disasters of the Tton FAM
There was much there that weighed heavily on my
heart and conscience which now weighs only on my
heart. l have not the light which analyses and
discriminates things. By one blow was opened
before me revelation full of anguish-an agonized
family, whose inmates had been my friends greatly
beloved; the husband ruined in worldly prospects;
the household crumbling to pieces; the woman, by
long sickness and suffering, either corrupted to de-
ceit as her husband alleged, broken in mind
as to be irresponsible, and, either way, it her
enthusiasm for her pastor, was made to believe,
that was the germ and beginning of the trouble.
1t was for me to have torestalled and prevented
that mischief. My age and experience in the
world should have put me more on my guard. |
could not, at that time, tell what true of all
the considerations urged upon me by Mr.. Tilton
and Mr.. Moulton. There was q gulf before me,
in which lay those who had been warm friends,
and they alleged that l had helped to plunge
them therein. That seemed enough to fill my
soul with sorrow and anguish. No mother who
has lost child but will understand the wild ac-
cusations that grief produced against all reason,
blaming herself for what things she did not do
and for what she had neglected to do, and charg-
ing upon herself, her neglect or heedlessness the
death of her child, while, ordinarily, every one
knows that she has worn herself out with her as
siduties.
Soon after this met Tilton at Moulton's
house. Either Moulton was sick or was very
late in rising, for he was in bed. The sub.
ject of my feelings and conduct towards Til
the matters under which had acted in coun-
selling Bowen, and of my feelings in regard
to the Tilton family, disclaiming with horror
the thought of wrong, and expressing a de-
sire to do whatever lay in human power to
remedy any evil had occasioned, and to re-
unite his family. Titon was silent and SUI
len. He played the part of an injured man,
but MoultOn said to Tilton, with intense EN-.
phasis: "That is all that gentleman can say,
and you ought to acceptit. 1t is an honora-
BILE basis OF reconciliation" This he repeat
ed TWO or three times. 1'ilton's countenante
changed under Mouton's strong talk. We
shook hands and parted in a friendly way
Not long afterward Tilton asked me to his
house and said he should be glad to have the
good old times renewed. l co not remember
whether l ever took meal after this under
his roof, but was certainly invited by him
to renew my visits as formerly. never re-
sumed my intimacy with the family but once
or twice. l went there soon after my rect n
Citation with Tilton, and at his request.
l fortunately remember a scene which took
place at his house, when he talked about his
wife and me in very gracious mood. He
began by mourning his SORROWS and he was
very desolate. The future seemed quite
dark. After impressing US with his great
patience he grew generous, praised me to his
wife, saying that had taken upon myself all
blame of past troubles, and had honorably ex-
culpated her, and telling me that his wife
likewise had behaved very magnanmously,
had blamed herself, and declared that | was
blameless, and he closed his homily with in
creasing hope, and then saying that, as deep
as was his misery, he did not know but that
it would work out in the future more cheer.
full home than he had before. l restrained
my smiles at the absurdty of the thing, well
confident to have it evaporate so, and even
thinking he was generous in his way. This
seemed to me to be the end of the trouble
With sensitive and honorable man, who
had no Interior designs to accomplish, it
would have been the burial of the difficulty.
l supposed Mr. Tilton had given up the idea
of Intentional wrong on my part, and forgiv-
en- my unintentional wrong.
plainly understand now what l did not
then suspect, that my trouble of mind was to
be kept alive and nourished, so that l might
be used to act on my friend in securing from
Mr.. Bowen the money which Tilton claimed
| to be due as compensation for his expulsion
from the two newspapers.
Moulton and Tilton both strove to obliterate