Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-08-13
Varieties of All Kinds

"Thc living link'-Dog.
A. tough thing to manage-Boaf
ing-house steak.
First law Of gravity-Never laugl
at your own jokes.
A bad habit to get into-A Goa
that is not paid foi.
Colorado calls for more women
1t has scarcely single one.
Virginia hopes to send q woman
one hundred and twenty years old T.
the centennial.
1t is stated that Tuesday being
ironing day, more fires occlr on that
than any other day.
A popular writer hints that Ameri'
cans and English are the only nations
who keep clean finger nails.
Akron, o., has carried out o
chronic dislike to grinders by
excluding them from its corporate
limits.
1t is remarkable tact that there
has never been a murder in Lawrence,
Massachusetts,, since its corporation
rs a city.
"There," said a little girl, while
rummaging bureau, ''therc now,
grandpa has gone to heaven and left
his spcctacles."
A New Bedford druggist says the
construction Of sewers in that city
has greatly reduced the sale of mcdi-
cincs for summer complaints.
A farmer in,Missouri fred at man
he saw stealing his COW, and the next
morning the sheriff of the county ap-
peared with his arm in sling.
Down in Kentucky the traveller
hears fond husbands say: Come,
darling, come in and get dinner, or
I'll smash your old red head with a
club"
A male Indian dressed as squaw
in frequently seen in Virginia City,
New. He is compelled to wear fe.
male attire as a punishment for cow
ardice.
Since the regatta, the farmers in
the vicinity of Saratoga have all ap'
peared in ncw store clothes. The cX-
travagant prices paid for wagon hire
is supposed to be the reason.
Dutch butter is said to be made of
American lard mixed with real but
ter. Dutch cigars arc often male of
cabbage leaves and brown paper, but
as a rule, we prefer the tobacco kind.
Our American trade dollars have
been doing some tall travelling
already. Two hundred and thirty
three thousand of them have been
taken in mt the Calcutta mint during
three months of the present year.
There is one western paper that
makes no boast about the town in
which it is published. 1t is the Daily,
of Burlington, ILL.,, and it says: "If
this town amt dead &c want to know
where to find a corpse"
When Molesworth's History Of
England appeared only two hundred
copies of tie book were sold, but
John Bright casually alluded to the
work in a speech and the whole cdi-
ton went off within u fortnight.
A blind bcggar had brother who
went to sea and was drowned. Now,
the man who was drowned had 10
brother. What relation was the man
drowned to the blind beggar? The
blind beggar was the drowned mans
sister
About $4,000 600 worth of sugar
was lost during the food in louisiana
OF the rice crop destroyed by the
overflow, it is estimated that about
5,031, $40 pounds have been lost,
which valued at 6 Il cents, nggrc-
gates $31l, 1886.
There arc forty three girls in Quin-
cy, Ill.,, named Bctscy, but still what
5weotcr sound can he heard at even
tidc than an old fashioned mother
calliug out in the old fashioned way
"Bctsey, if yc don't git down of'n
that fence III maui yc to death =
a little Bridg cport shaver who
wanted to be good boy, was told by
his mother to pray. lie said he had
prayed, but he didn't get good. He
was told to keep on praying "But,
said he, II dont want to be teasing
Him all the time"
The women cleaned the saloons
out of Urbana, Ohio, and now rat
tlesnakes, that for fifty years have
been unknown, iDfest the place to
that extent that not man darcs step
abroad without bis bottle of whisky
as an antidote against the apprchcnd-
ed poison.
"Is there any person you would
wish me to marfy?" said wife to II
dying spouse, who bad been some
what of tyrant in his day. MARRY
the devil, if you like" was the gruf
reply. "No, | thank YOU, my dear,
one husband of the same family is
enough for me-
The young ladies who affect those
pockets dangling from the belt should
be careful not to put letters therein.
A lovc-sick gent lately picked note
out ofone which let him know that an
o.bor had the inside track. end 20 81