, 1874-04-03
ANOTHER ST. LOUIS DIRECTORY.

ANOTHER ST. LOUIS DIRECTORY.
st. Louis has another Directory. Thero ta
nothing particularly novel In the announcement,
as Directories arc among tic principal produc-
tions Of that city, md the crop this year ehows
no falling OF over preceding yours. Ordinarily.
ono receives tho nows TINT Vt. Louis has another
Directory with tho eamo concern that one hcars
his noighbor's cat has Ind kittens As wo undor-
atand 1t. this Directory is not the Directory, but
ono Of the periodical monthly produo-
hons which it Inns boon found nec-
oeanry to publish twelve timoB year
In order to accommodate tho unprecedented
incroaao Of population ii that prolific city, where
children aro born 30 fast that Boothing-sirups
aud rubber rings havo been rushed up to fabu-
lous prices, aud into which tho tide Of emigration
pours 30 swiftly and INCREASINGLY that the unfor-
tupatc MoLaughlina, schnoiders, and Petersons
are obliged to soop In tho outskirts, packed away
like Bardines In a boz. In tho course Of few
weeks, or rs soon % a few hundred thousand
moro hive boon added to tho population, the Di-
roctories will DO iHBued weekly, In order to keep
pnco with thie mathematical marvel OF nineteenth-
century statistics.
WhataVor ia written about st. Louis Direo-
tory has to DO written without delay or anothor
Directory succeeds 1t, which upsots all tho ag-
urcs Of its predecessor. Wo have therefore
seized upon tho very first facts which havo como
to hand concerning the latest Directory, md pro-
aume that these facts will get to our readers be-
fore the next Directory comes out nnd ronders
them useless. The gentleman who uanufac-
tured tho Directory, bythat peculiar manipula~
ton of names and numbers which has hitherto
obtained in tho preparation Of St. Louis Direc-
tories, found that ho had III, ,426 names Oil
hand. As In former times ho multiplied this by
tho ratio OF AZ aud found himso1f with popu-
1ation Of 501, AT, or IN increase Of 100000 Or
30 since the lnat Directory was issued d fow
months ago. The Directory man waa conso-
quontly in 4 di'omma. He knew thrs.
these agures wouldn't do. Such a stato-
| meut as tllis wouldn't wash oven
in Carbondale or Cairo. or any Of tbs towns In
Southern Illinois which arc competing with st.
Louis. Hence he must reaueo bis population.
If ha did this by eliminating thirty or forty
thousand Smiths and Browns from tho proof
eheets it would reduce the Hizo OF the Directory,
and no Directory man in St. Louis is half d man
| who can't SEQ tho Inst Directory and 60 dozon
| better. So ho reduced tho ratio to ", and gat
tho population down to 47s,56o. which, at Inst
| accounts, ho WAS going to adhere %
| as eafe enough to venture in Carbondale aud
Cairo. Having done this, he ruslscB
for tho Alrndnach de Gofta, takos ten cities out
of it, and writoa down st. Louis as tho eleventh.
| OF course Le might have taken twenty moro,
and thon ST. Louis would have boon tho thirty
first city in tho world; or lie might havo omitted
nine Of thom, aud made St. Louis tho HeooDd.
There is only one paper in st. Louis which did
not take this dose, cloao its eyes, md swallow 1t
without winking. Tllut paper Ia tho Republican,
It tried to awallow it, but The dose stuck III its
throat, aa follows: "These figures appear onor~
uous and in truth they re,--Ro large that So
nro not ontirely prepared to accept Mr..
Qoulds bases OF calculation; he may haYo
mistaken his own diligence in listing
hitherto overlooked names for proofs Of
growth In population" and then adds thu
Repu5lican, with charming simplicity, "is
would not be strange II we shall bo as mitch
surprised at the next official consuB as We wore
ut tho last" This frank admission shows that
while all the rost Of the country Inns got through
being surprised at anything in st. Louis Direo-
tory, the people Of st. Louis hnye not, but oVory
! time Directory comes out, they got together
md resolve to DO surprised, and '7e prosnnlo
they are surprised. even If people outside OF
st. Louis are not. When, howcvor, NO
aro grasely told in the Directory that
"no city in tho world Ia increasing
with the rapidity Of St. Louis, and the cauaes
which haye induced this remarkable increase III
the last docade have Just begun to operate" and
that "tAe same causes will produce the saula
results In the next docado-results that will AZ
tonish tho most sangulne," then NO fear for tho
future Of st. Louis. II sho continues to ILL.,
crenso during the next ton yeara a. she bus
from tho last Directory to this one, she will
havo, in 1884, q great many millions Of people,