Litchfield enquirer., 1874-09-24
INSTANTANEOUS.

E.f s4 - 2 etl3ss
 A tale of thrilling interest-The rattle snakes. .sf.. < The best legal authority on cremation- Coke. .eg F e
 General F. P. Blair is dangerously ill at his home in Missouri.
 A question may be queer, but the one who asks it is always the querist.
 The New Haven Register hypocratical. ly observes .'.Alas, for poor Poland again dismembered ]"
 A Kansas rocking chair broke down the other Sunday night, severely inluring a young lady, and breaking young mans leg.
 A trrannical landlord remarks that guests must content themselves with quarters. but the walters expect fifty cents. -
 Dudley 0. Denison, recently anti-Pc- land candidate for Congress in Vermont. is cousin of the. late Chief Justice Chase. Miss Kitty Shaw is the name of girl of H who hes created sensation in Ma ryland by remarkable eloquent temper ancs lectures.
 The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher has been invited to deliver tho annual address of the central New York fair, to be held at Utica, Oct. 9th to 10th.
 The second trial of the Rev. Tunas Iii tus Kendrick of the Grand street Metho- dists church in Brooklyn has ended in his dismissal from the church and con- ference.
 A man who respects his wife and fami- ly will never tell lie when any one asks him how he got that scar on his face, but will explain how ''a stick of wood flew up, you know"
 Lord Braxfeld, Scotch judge, once said to an eloquent culprit at the bar, ''Ye're a vera clever chiel. mon, but I'm thinking ye wad be nane the waur O a hanging. .r..
 When c man nearly breaks his neck Tn trying to get out of the way of eight ming bug" supposing it to be the head light of locomotive, it is time for h1m to sign the pledge.
 Two young ladies holdingconverse over new derss. "And does it fitIwell2 asked one" Fit ! yes i; as if had been melted and poured in.
 A little boy having broken his rocking horse the day it was purchased, hls ma ma began to scold, whenlhe siIenced her by inquiring; what is the good of a horse till it's broke.
 ':Mama," said precocious little boy, who, against his wilP was made to rock the cradle of his baby brother, Eff the T.orH hoa ax,v s,nora Unh;ac k< r,;x,o o~vax, don't you take 'em."
 'FWoman is delusion, madam 1" ex- claimed crusty old bachelor to witty young lady, "And man is always hugging some delusion or other," was the quick retoEk. -.-... -.. ..-r.
 A house-maid the other evening slipped from chair on which she was temporari- lY standing, and fell head foremost into @ barrel of hour 'Her hair became white in single night" Last Saturday. according to ono of the religious newspapers, a woman at the Mar tha's Vineyard camp-meeting prayed that President Grant would come there no more. "
 A "Big Indian" strayed away from his camp and got lost. Inquiring the way back, he was asked if he was lost. ''No," said he disdalnly, 'sIndian no lost wig wam lost Striking his breast, he ex- claimed, "Indian here" An Iowa J. P. does mp the marriage rite as follows 'Join your right hands. Do you want one another? They both answer, ''Yes." We'll, then haUe ono an- other. You're man and wife. An excellent old deacon, who, having won an old turkey at a charity raf1le, did not like to tell his severe orthodox wife how he came by it, quietly remarked, as he handed her the fowl, that the Shakers gave it to him.
 Tho import::and export business between Germany, Russia, and England is very great and increasing yearly. It amounted in 1872 to the vast total of $48O, COG, 900, accOrding to the published official returns. "Hil where did yez git them trousersp' asked an Irishman of a man who happen cd to be passing with a pair of remarka- blv short trousers on. 'I got them where '"Then, by my conscience" said Paddy, you've pulled them year too soon.
 In little town in Missouri lady teach or was exercising a class ofiuveniles in mental arithmetic. She commenced the question: '.If you buy COW for ten dollars -"when up came little hand. ''what is it, JOhnnyP" ''Why, you can't buy no kind of . COW for ten dollars. Father sold one for sixty dollars, the other day. and she was regular old scrub at that. zt.
 There is refreshing honesty and a glimmering of good sense that, for the sake of ears tortured by amature musi- clans, we could wish more common, in the following advertisement that recently appeared in the N. Y. Herald.
 Tried to learn, but give it up, Will sell piano stool, cover, and hymn book for 916O. A few dollars cash. Address ''Old Bach" Herald office.
 Postmaster-G General Jewell has entered upon the duties of his office with great popularity. and has made favorable inn pression by the courtesy and freedom with which he receives those having busi- ness with him. He is now engaged in ac- quainting himself with the official and moral fitness of those holding important subordinate positions. and it is thought he will find occasion to make several changes m order to secure better service.