The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-04-25
VARIETY.

There il something the matter with the boy
who has not n handful OF dried fsh-wOrms in his
pocket
Poems on decoration day should be handed in
% this office az early rs Friday, rs the paper
dealer will be here on Saturday.
Old Mr. Benson, who is touring near Wash
ington, writes home that - the cars are not fit
for hog to ride in, but got into them"
qs % %,Fs Pg ass i9 ISTa eF9Tgsg wds wFP RF9nfht et
offence Of kissing young lady by force and vio-
lence and against her will. The young lady,
who was very handsome, gave her testimony in 4
modest and straightforward manner, after which
his honor gave the following decision; - The
court IN this case sympathizes with the deendent,
and will therefore discharge him without fine,
Imprisonment Teprimand, because the court
while this case hes been IN progress, has been
Obliged % hold on 70 both arms vi his chair IN
order To keep from kissing the complainant
himself"
How To CURE \ CoLD.-Onc Of our citizens
who has been troubled with 4 severe cold on the
lungs effected his recovery in the following simple
manner: lie boiled little bOneset and hOar-
hound together and drank freely Of the tea before
going % bed. The next day he took tyc pills,
nut one kind Of plaster on his breast, another
under his arms and still another his back.
Under advice Of an experienced old lady, he took
all these of with an oyster knife in the afternoon,
and slapped on 4 mustard paste instead. His
mother put some onion drafts on ms feet and
glye him n lump Of tar to swallow. Then he
nut some hot bricks to his feet, and went TO bed
Next morning, another lady came in with a bottle
of goose oil and gave him dose Of 1t IN n quill,
and an aunt arrived about the same time from
Bethel with n bundle Of sweet fern which she
had made into tea, and gave him every half
hour until noon, when he took big dose OF salts
After dinner his wife, who had seen a fine old
lady Of great experience in dOctOring on Franklin
street gave HIM two table-spOOntuls Of home
made balsam to keep them down. Then he took
a half pint Of hot rum ut the suggestion OF an old
sea captain who lived in the next house, and
steamed his legs with an alcohol bath. At this
crisis two OF the neighbOrs arrived, who saw Mt
once that his blood was out OF order, and gave
him n half gallon Of spearmint tea, and big
dose of castor oil Before going to bed he took
eight of n new kind Of pills, wrapped about his
neck flannel soaked in hot vinegar and salt, and
had feathers burnt a shovel in his room lie
IL now thoroughly cured and full Of gratitude
We advise our readers 70 cut this out and keep 1t
where il can be readily found when danger
threatens.
The first Sunday in the new house u a notable
day There IL an entire absence Ot the Old land
marks and n strange, weird newness ON every
tTing and YOU can't find your shaving soap
You start for a scuttle of coal, but You don Sc
tbe -ruttIe liz Is in the bottom of barrel II
the garrett You take the dripping pan. NheI
you change your shirt you look for II first II d
one upon another in the parlur, and you find yo'
have got n lift half ton Of carpets and ieathe
bads before yOu can get down 10 the drawers
After YOU have lifted them down and searcrle'
them through, il - remembered by your YIt
that the desired garment IL IN one Of the barrel
the one in the shed, she thinks, though II na
b. the one In the gurret, and yet II would be JUS
like the stupid carman 70 have carried that barre
down into the cellar. \ bed quilt comes out iIrsi
then pic tin, then piece of cold ham, neltl
1,r,. mn in yOur vest and packed away in tn
ynissing sruttle Below is an assortment Ot Iror
ware ami n length Of stOvepipe, half lo''t q
brsad n couple Of towels, and rolling pr
You BEGIN u expect you will eventually com
uuon n coal NINE and perhaps some dead irIent
Then YOU 20 down that barrel AGAIN. ana com
mn with n pleasing assortment Ol stockings an
haIEemptied medicine bottles. The way 70
come ub this time leads YOU to cons der the barr
it-eIC It has caught III the back Of your We
and made the cloth let 20 it took of One-halt
rre sleeve and created sensation on the back
your hand a. # a bonfire had ragged there IL
mite evident that the cooper who built that barr
vas called away before he commenced % clInC
the nails You inyOluntarily grasp the rollIr
. MIN and look around IL you hali-cxpected
zee him. Then YOU call the girl 70 rePack q
barrel and start up stairs to look after sOmethiI
. that i easier to find, but finally change yO
mind and pasz the balance Of the Cay IN dIggII
Garnet tacks and worthless wood from the pain
Of your feet and c1ncOcting lies about the veal
Of your uncle; and the moon looks through [
window ut night and touches up with glow
FURNISHED silver several lengths of stovepipe,
half dozen odd chairs, sheet ol dingy zine ana
barrel with bed quilts Gnaming over the top