The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-06-24
SCRAPS.

just try it, only try It,,
~ --<~>--
SCRAPS.
On the contrary-riding on mule.
IA week conclusion = Saturday
might.
To remove stains from character
get rich.
A New Bedford firm udvertises
train umbrellas" which is pleasantly
definite.
As usual, the inevitable fly is said
Ito be committing excesses in chewing
Virginia tobacco.
Mr.. Roderick shot Mr.. Graves in
Nashville last week because he
wouldn't pay Mr.. Roderick his Dhu.
Why is grass like penknife Be-
..cause the spring brings outthe blades
The Washington fire department
wasted ten thousand gallons Of water
to amuse q company of Indiana edl-
,.tors.
The Brooklyn Argus is of opinion
that a kind word twill always 60
further than a fat-iron or q potato
masher."
A Vermont debating club is now
struggling with tn question, (which
3. eats the most ehiekens-minlsters or
.owls3"
A malicious person says that cot
ton sheets and newspaper sheets are
alike in the respect that great many
people liein them.
China has streets paved with gran
ite blocks laid over tbree hundred
years ago, and as good as new. The
contractors are dead.
A Brockport, Pa, parson, who,
with Paul, believes that it is better
to marry than burn, offers twenty
cords of wood for wife.
A bit of orange peel set good
Iowa deacon fiat on his back while
passing the contribution-box. Orange
peel is very popular there now.
Fifteen years ago Washington
eentleman scratched his name on a
gold dollar and sent it on it's travels.
He has never seen it since.
=. You can't convince Vermont wo.
man that there won't be q death in
the family if she dreams Of seeing a
hen walking picket fence.
Schoolmistress. - "Johnny, I'm
ashamed of you. When was your
age, I could read as we'll as lido now"
Johnny.-"Aw, but you'd a different
teacher to what we've got"
The multiplicity of lawn-mowers
that are advertised gives rise to the
suspicion that the manufacturers,
: like horse-car conductors, always
think there is room for one nower.
A Southern journal issues the fol-
lowing notice: "Aany people ask tor
papers at this Office who would scorn
!. to beg for FIVE cents; yet that is the
price charged for copy. We hope
they will see the point.
A Georgia negro who bet ten dol
lars that General Washington CON-
nanded the Federals at Bull Run,
handed the money over with the
remark: ssWeIl, dis yere hist'ry bu-
siness is all mixed up, anyway"
A German Jew was eating a pork
.ehopi in q thunderstorm. On hear
ing an unusually loud clap, he laid
; down his knife and fork aud observed:
avell, did any poty efer hear such
+. fuss about little piece of pork?"
A Nevada lady recently took unfair
advantage of her husbands unusual
indulgence in bath to elope with
another man, and the bereaved one
expresses his conviction that she had
been awaiting the opportunity for
me nths.
T. A Boston preacher in speaking of
=, tss danger Of permitting the Bible to
be GsTded out by the newspaper
perpetratoGs, the following pun: "Men'
nowadays, said he, "are like Zaccbeus
.-desirous of seeinsss gesus, but they
cannot because of the press.
A New Bedford paper tells ss>,sstory
about a shop-keeper, who advised o.
ladv customer to buy two mohair
. switches instead Of one, as the article
was becoming scarce. he said that
, the man whom he hired to hunt NOES
had only caught two within a fort
night.
After severil years nv refecktion,
have come to the konklusion that the
three most difikult things in
life are--1st. Carryin' an arm-full NV
live eels up steep hill without spill.
lin an eel; I'd. Aktin as referee at