Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1874-01-09
NO. g.
Some Hint. to "OId Prob"

There is stiffness and formalily about
Old Probabilities reports which common
people would like to see changed for some
thing more frank and open-hearted. The
whole thing could be made more cheerful
reading and more interesting to the young
! If some newspaper man had the weather to
take care of. For instance, where the report
now reads, "for the northwest, rising ba-
rometer; with northerly winds" right
minded journalist would say; Folks in
! Wisconsin and Minnesota will get up and
| get, Tomorrow it will be cold enough to
freeze the hair on a hitching-post. Just a
year ago, tomorrow, the Dublin Boy and
| the San Francisco Babe had set to near
New Orleans, and Dlbln won; it is also
the second anniversary of the Watertown
Bank robbery, where the thieves carried off
100000, and were allowed to keep s5O,O
for their honesty in restoring the balance.
Honesty is the best policy; look out for
cool winds. An honest man is the noblest
work of God, and snow-storm is proba-
ble."
The present weather man says: "For
Saturday, in the Gulf States, south and
east winds, rising temperature, threaten
ing weather and occasional rains" Now
that should read Don't count on going
to circuses and picnics, Saturday the UNI
brella market will be firm and buoyant,
and the mud knee deep. Better stay at
home and sew carpet rags and get the but
ions on your husbands Sunday shirt. Oc-
casional rains may be expected tomorrow,
and the New York detectives will probably
catch another Nathan murderer"
Where the weather man says: "For the
South Atlantic States, increasing south
easterly winds, with cloudy weather, clear
ing away by Saturday night" it should
read "Splend id weather for going after
persmmons down South; don't draw your
shot gun toward you by the muzzle; wealth
er little cloudy, but dads rich, and SO
who cares; good day for setting out grave
stones. Use Fargo's liver pills for sick
headache; no respecta lie family should be
without It, A year ago or thereabouts Sem
ator Pomeroy gave Senator York $4,000, and
never jump on the platform of street car.
Weather will clear up by Saturday night,
and it will be good night for going TO the
lodge. II your wife doesn't believe you
went there, tell her to smell your BREATH"
Lueu WueTe ITODaDllItleS says. 'tOr tno
Middle and Eastern States southwest winds,
with partly cloudy weather." it ought to
read: "Not a good day for linking photo
graphs east of Michigan. Some clouds
loafing around, and good weather for steal
ing overcoats. About time to get boots for
your boys; leave the pegs in and the boys
will prefer to go barefoot for while yet.
Nothing like economy, and don't wear
white pants when you go huckleberrying.
Good day for New England sewing women
to make shirts at fifly cents per dozen,
| Southwest winds to be expected; don't fy
your kites too h gh. About this time last
| year New York County Treasurer ac-
knowledged himself a defaulter TO the
amount of 100000, but the tears of his aged
father effected a compromise for s2s, 900,
and the Treasurer commenced Building
fine house. Don't lend money TO strang-
ers, and do unto others as you get chance.
May rain tomorrow night, and spelling
schools and candy pulls are only a month
distant. Be kind 10 your sister, and look
out for r. sharp frost.-M Quad ih Detroit
| Free Pose