Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-01-23
HUMOROUS.

Il am self-made man." said native OF
Stonington the other day to New York
gentleman with whom he had been driving a
sharp bargain. "Glad to hear you say 50. -
responded the New Yorker, who had been
worsted in the trade, ''for it relieves the
Lord OIL great responsibility.
That fishes have an appetite for gold rings
is an archaeological fact well-known to all
the readers of the "Araban Nights and of
divers German legends. That other glitter
ing objects likewise charm their eyes and in
terest their palates is proved by a tale of
horror which might well be called a Les
son for Ladies' The brilliant glow of an
autumn afternoon lay upon the sparkling
waters of the bay at Scarborough, England
4 pleasant party in little boat went mer-
rily trolling about, and all was harmony.
But, alas! n fearful catastrophe approached.
One beautiful girl, of fifty summers or so,
whose bright young soul had anticipated
nothing but JOY from the excursion. suddenly
found that fish hadtaken her hook. Sweet
ly smiling in her glee, she bent to lift her
victim into the boat, when. to her expires
sionable dismay, her gold palate, teeth, &c,
| gently fell into the waves. What did that
strange fish do but shake the hook from its
mouth, seize the shining prey, and disap-
pear in the deep, deep water, while a wild
scream rang from shore to shore, piercing
the very hearts of all who heard it, What
the fish will do with his investment remains
to be seen rs for the young lady, she never
smiles now.
Tha ot.,,,t r.;,l.3 man ,ro orer .,v
81 - ~ liz lo.t ono
vi oT. ':''. '.' ,,.or' y,
y. ~ eii ','' "l'' IN I'm ~ .',,J
pan Al, ''ii' Ia 'u-' l7 80 =,
IN Ih ;o'Ia,'''o L III '''n ~ iaa, an hind
~. e77. ~ .b,', .tr,dJii,,, Joun
the street with one set of toes pointing east
and the other pointing West. His right
| knee wonId noint another way. and the old
man would hob up and down ike a jumping
| iael. worked with g, strino Presently he
woull meet lis and come iolting up to say
that he wished we vouli pitch into the
highway department for leaving the pave
,uent in sucb rrscallv condition that man
| couldn't walk straight. Previous to the
war while he WA. down at Cane Nav one
summer. he took buff bath early in the
morning. and while in the water he got to
meditating on some abstruse subject, and
forgetting himself, he came walking ont up
on the beach, and up the street TO the hotel,
dressed in nothing but sad. sweet smile.
lust as the people were coming down to
/ breakfast. Only very short time ago he
/ hitched his horse To sulkv, with the am
NAL nose pushed close up against the dash
er, and started of backwards without notic-
ing the direction. Al the end oi the hr-t
hall mile the vehicle .amned up against "A
tree, and the general shot Out over inc
horses tail. II he doeSn { get "ut oil ms
coihn at hiS own lunerai' ana ih,i'' upon
gong a- Iall-bearer' 1t WILL ice singular
Hdt Adel'r-
In Ru>hford. Allesanv county. y. Y. two
men traded horses on n recent sabbath, and,
| a. a natural consequence. one ot them got
cheated. The aggrieyed party returned and
threatened to sue tine other If he would not
/ trade back. which tine latter declined 10 do.
/ Remembering that it was not lawful totrade
horse, on the sabbath. the fellow who had
/ already got the best of the bargain went and
/ complained of himself before Justice. and
was fined one dollar for violating the statute.
which he Paid. The other chap is trying to
/ tirure ont lust how the case stands
-, ,,.,--.,.,h.ol l,J, could r.,,r H..
;njn.oi - ai,,it tLc rsct bnr ncrsisted in
] !. 81 T..
d,y a u9cgi.b neicIbor .tuck a needle in
~ ';1aEfa low, and ,rsc;n.. her nn the
thor s;5s or tl,c r,o5 ,sked her if She eould
sec s. .nl, va. - .lc renlied lookino in
J H.. Iiro.,;..r ir.Ii.,t.1 ..LYt where the
l.,r,, -.
An Essex -I','' man ''HSn' ,E ~.
H''uraay y 5'A7 'lle i''ll,'''Ie ''.-'
~ D" Ecu sc9' "a =, .ho
'orn' i' S',iu .'T .-t
eur "SA' .'7 'i',,i'' - f'' -
an l''l' S'i'o 'i' r-'-'A '''e'' i'''''' '''
'ei"y- .........f..
An e5rrci-' ol d, thr '' lI.s'."I na .l l.'s,''
1,eIrIed al .nf l,.'.''i' rosy C,' ''' VIZ ID
niue NOR ",iiu,'ls man i','.'',''' tl
IN nun .II'I S''ll,'.' ~ ..'t ID
9eH5'i9 VIM" anu '''
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ny my ietler- ,r ''r ;lS., me- .,,..,.., -. .-
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81, " I'li.II ,'i' li,'llls '''''''' %" '' ''
sun l!,yu.. i1uuer !ong
..WIot Iot' ,-a,,, SIT, ,,. ,,,,.l .i. .i.rk .,u
ii,.. ',.';.,' - a., f,na ~ a. e,,.,rt
i'Itvr s''H ny '.' 'r, rn,r .bo1ted
=, o'.'i;I. " az, -. !, - o.s ,'''''
'nf p li,,n, i. ,,Ia5 IN ,F.It ,le man Letters rrt
-. N '''','e' -r ''- I',,l. h., - Il.l
unS IN al .ne IL ~ 5;',,ont ~, tLs
anu S.outiilS IiAe = nv" VI, ,,r
l'iu W u "a. la"
haine' ST ....,,..,l ,t.
l', M hl," - IL -. .n, M van '.,,,,' mean ~ to
I'lsr, I'l ii; i;,l -" % al d., N tL;s man
herl i'e I'M q. }y+ -
BY this time two or three clerks INSIDE the