Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-10-03

| We have no comments to make. The case
does not see m 70 call for any.
How MAX Adeler Sees Things I'm the
Danbury News.
| The statement floating about IN the papers 70
the effect that" jealous Indianapolis woman
| has Just made her thirteenth inc ffectusl m.
/ Dpt at suicide" reminds me If the case Of
/ MIS- Barker, OF Harrisburg. She attempted 20
| always saved by the judicious use of Stomach
! pump, by her friends. She was life and hope
! and o. mfort and bread and butter to the news
paper reporters and they thought 50 much OF
monial in the shape Of q silver plated stomach
Jump, vii q gutta percha piston and bell
| "May she never succeediv some of her friends
gave little collation. at the time, and after IL
was eaten somebody proposed to test the appa-
the meeting then adjourned suddenly.
CoFYTN's INVENTION.
Some time ago my friend Coffin invented
preventive OF hi0s was sCne
pied one of these berths, so Coffin said, mig ht
sail out to China and back without q qualm of
the stomach. In order to prove the efficacy of
the inve ntion, Coffin got permission to rig one
up In steamer running from Philadelphia to
Boston, and he asked some friends along to see
how splendidly ii worked. While going down
the river Coffin was In high spirits, talking in
cessantly. When the boat began to round Cape
May be said he felt tired, and wanted to lie
down awhile. About an hour after the vessel
got out upon the bosom OF the ocean, Coffin
pulled aside the curtains of the Patent Swing
ing Berth aud asked If the captain was on deck
He said he wanted to see the captain about
something, ard insisted upon going HP, instead
OF having the captain come down to him. He
rushed up the gangWsy suddenly, and then the
captain, looking at his white face, asked him
what had scared him so badly. Coffin hurried
to IL e side instead of replying, and seemed to
manifest an interest in The appearance of the
sea water. Then the captain asked him If he
was sick, and Coffin leaned further over the
side. He seemed to be trying to bring up a
breakfast that ne ate during the early part OF
the Mexican war; and when he had worked
pretty well down toward it he asked the stew
ard 10 carry him down stairs, as he was always
weak when he had a billions attack. The stew
ard tried TO place him in the patent berth, but
Coffin said he believed he would lie on the sofa
If the steward would bring him tub. When l
went to console him he saId, "H0w soon will we
be in Boston? ~ SIN about thirty hours" [ said.
Thirty heursl" exclaimed Coffin. "Merciful
Minerva! By that tune will have thrown up
my boot-heels!" When we reached Boston
Coffin asked the captain for an axe, with which
he proceeded TO smash the patent swinging
berth into splinters; then he tied the patent GER
titicate to brick and sunk it in the dock, and
then he went home by rail. Coffin says he will
90 TO Europe when somebody discovers a way
OF walking thither.
A CRYING OUTRAGE.
=, 1t was Lycurgus, l believe, who remarked
that 4" cat had nine lives" MIR. Partridge, on
Thursday night last, thought he had discovered
a couple of cats which had fifteen apiece. 1t
was bis first night at home, after spending the
VI
he was awakened by some unusually loud cater
wsuliDg, apparently in Bowman's yard next
door. He rose, went to the window and ejacu-
lated :" several times, but without eff
feet. The noise continued. Then he fumbled
around In the closet for an old boot and pro-
jected that at the spot where he thought
the cats were. There was momentary lull,
but in minute or two the screeching be-
came more yOciferous than ever. Partridge
went for another boot, and hurled it with
terrific force into BOwman's yard, and then
he Will thSF and thara q ha pni,a
became positive shrek. Partridge was grad
ually getting excited; and dashing into the
closet he scooped up all the boots on the
floor and the bOOtjack and after finging them
over Bowman's fence III quick succession, but
without stopping the serenade, he danced
around in frenzy and fired off everything he
could lay his hands on. Mrs. Partrd ge's CATERS,
the soap cup, the towel rack, the pOmatumi Jug.
the cologne bottle, the footst0ol, Mrs. Part
ridges hoops, the hair brushes, the wax fruit
the hymn book and the plaster image of little
Samuel saying his prayers in a night shirt with
stubby- nOsed angel in bOlster-case watching
him-all these things were hurled furiously at
the unseen cats; and still the duet proceeded.
At last when all the available material in the
room excepting the bedstead and Mrs. Part
ridge had been flung away, Partridge rushed
down stairs for his gun and then emptied both
barrels into Bowman's dining room shutters.
When Bowman appeared at the back window
and exclaimed,
"What in thunder is the natter"
''MatteT?" shouted Partridge, "why I'm try
ing to stop those diabOlical cats in your yard.'
'What cats?" inquired Bowman, 81 don't see
any cats"
''But you can bear 'em, can't you? They've
been yowlin' around down there for the last tSo
hours like fury. There they CO. Don't you hear
that! Just listen to that, will you?''
"Partridge, you certainly must be drunk.
Cats! Why, good gracious man, those are Mrs.
BowmaDs twins over here in our room. They
were born last Friday. Didn't you hear about
it?"
Then Partridge suddenly shut the window
dewn and went TO bed. He Is going out into the
country again, TO stay until il Is cold enough to
sleep with the window shut.
COOLRY'S NEW DOG.
Cooley has got new dog, and am sorry to
cay that he is exceedingly vicious; so vicious,
indeed, that very few Beighb0rs have courage
enough to enter Cooey's yard. Judge Pitman,
however, had to go in there the other day for
the purpose ef collecting bill, and he told me
that he want particle afraid, because ne DOS
sessed the power Of holding a wild animal with
bis eye. When he looked straight into the eyes
of dog, the brute quailed before his glance,
and skunk away. He said IL proved the superb
Ority of human being with a soul and reso-
lutte will to the mere brute creation, So he
opened the gate and went In. Cooley's dog
heard him coming, and Immediately flew TO
meet him. The Judge fixed his eyes on the
animal for the purpose OF holding it, but the dOg
didn't seem to notice the circumstance. But
still the Judge looked, and still the dog came
on. Then lt seemed TO occur to the Judge that
perhaps his kind OF an eye might not hold this
kind OF dog, and he suddenly moved toward
the apple tree, with the dog close behind him.
effort to Chamber up the trunk. He had just
reached the first limb when the dog arrived
and made snap at him. The dogs teeth
caught in the lower part of the judges trouser-
leg, and as It is a bulldog, he held on; while
the judge lay across the limb on his stomach,
out of breath, frightened, and uncertain what
to do. II he dropped, the dog would certainly
eat him; If he climbed further up, he would
have to take the dog with him. He had just
made up his mind to stay where he was while
his strength lasted when he thought he heard
the cracking. and then q fOr al
Then Cooley came out, and after making the
judge promise 10 take 20 per cent discount off
of the bill, be pried open the dogs jaws with
the kitchen poker, and dragged him into the
stable. The Judge came down, hot, breathIess,
and mad; and he has said to me since privately,
that the next time he wants to hold dog with
bis eye he will impsle him on hay fork first.
That is a safe way, anyhow.
PRACTICAL ANswBR.--Says the Indianap-
oils journal: In the absence of teacher last
Sunday, Superintendent KnippeDberg, OF the
Garden Baptist Sunday school, took charge OF
the class bimself-sOme six bright boys. Indi-
rectly he had occasion to speak Of the two roads,