The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-01-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES


Augustus Torrey an old man in Detroit, frol
it's operation on the convict at Joliet Tore
got 90 mad that he went to bed and sworc h
could die, He became rigid, and refused to ca
y move for three days. The doctor examine
Aim-ssd his pulse was all right, and all tha
siled him was bad it of suks. Thereupon hi
aOn-is-lsv took a pail of cold water and douse
him from head TO foot. What followed is told b
~ Fw~ Pres:
The ola man gave an awful scream lcaped t
bis feet, and looking around for a weapon, shout
3D. "Jin, il don't kill you for that may neVe
do another DAYS workW With nothing on bu
his shirt he chased his son in law into the stree,
and down the street for two blocks, when he wa
occurred and taken back. There isn't any pros
poet that he will have another dying hour thl
Ointer unless he dies for good.
Here is a curious fact noted by close observe
o. meteorological phenomena:
When there is not breath Of air stirring, an(
you are in danger of sitting attempt to light I
cigar out doors, and you will be surprised ut The
breeze that will start up We have seen a mar
ny this experiment in a dead calm, and by the
tiipe he had scratched thirteen matches it was
really 90 windy as to be uncomfortable.
The seience of pulling has made immense pro-
1ress In the last few years, but the following
specimen, which we find in an old number of
Harpers, mngles mackeral and emotion, cheese
and Affection, moasses and sentiment, in way
that none but born genius can rival:
Oh! say not love you because the molasses
You purchased at Simpsons was golden ana
clear;
The syrup, the sugar, the jelly in glasses,
The crackers, the mack'rel, know, were not
dear.
But when you came to me with SIMPSONS smok-
ed salmon,
And showed me his samples Of Limburger
cheese,
felt that his claim to be cheap was no CANNON ;
Iloyed you, and said SO, dear Jane, on my knees.
Gertrude How, of Flint River n. c., has sued
her lover for breach of promise, and claims $2l,
100000 damages This the Detroit Free Press
records and then says;
We have taken considerable pride in putting
this item before the public and now for our sake
we hope she won't 90 and settle the suit for
bobtaed dog and six bushels Of beans, an
Iowa woman did.
The editor Of the KankaIlee Gazcttc grows cX'
trayagant over the holidays, and declares reck-
lcssy:
If coal were only 80 cents n ton we think we
should buy Il bushcl for the holidays. A fellow
ought not to mind little expense once in Il
while, and especially when his family is freezing!
The best thing which has been said of the
death Of Judge Nelson by anybody, and what we
think would have been most to his own taste, is
the following obituary, comprised in single
sentence, in the New York Star: "Thc Sudden
death OF Judge Nelson will take many by sur
prise; but tie grInd old man tcas ready"
When the devil sets out to catch a preacher.
hc usually bats his hook with a woman; but
nh pia finn utnI =
with grcenbacks. This difference in bait involves
a question that ought TO be taken up by some of
our local debating clubs. - jYaieshd PLamdeaier
A man got drunk at Rockport, Mo, recently
and tore his wfe's hustle of, saturated it with
turpcntinc tied it to bean pole, struck a light
which ignited the hustle, and then paradcd up
and down the streets. The boys there rubbed a
little turpentinc on his nose and gave him Il lee
ture on the eternal fitness of things, which he
will not soon forget.
A Maine justice yndcated the dignity Of the
law by sending newspaper editor to prison for
calling him u "muddle- headed mannikin."
1t reported that Father Brazil, of Des Moincs, !
recently treated thirteen gentlemen and two
newspaper reporters" to the oystersl Such is
fame.
This is from the Boston GloJc:
THE MISSISSIPPI.
] am the mighty Mississippi,
And drive the lumber mills at St Paul,
And although they require Il good deal OF power, |
don't mind the cXcrtOn at all.
Old Father Winnipeg stores stock
OF water which through me pours,
But men don't half utilize my power
because dam it they can not
A Channahon woman dreamed Of being sur.
rounded 10y Kissing snakes, and she struck out
with such force as to break her arm against the
wall
American literature is about to DC enriched By |
the addition OF a history Of Oshkosh.
It's said that DR.. Livingstone has discovered,
with great delight, the long disputed origin Of a
familiar lyric OF home and childhood in the spir
tied wlrsaug OF an African royal drum corps,
which runs thu,y:
Boo tcha Boo tchal Kilda Kali!
Eulti muppy nctt mail.
HGuriS ida pom u wall;
Drcssim bowman dctl mali"
The supposed human skull which was found
ia the calbJultcrDus limestone i'm Southern Kan ,
fas, turns out % he the body whUri uf large
ccphaiop0d.
That our uuscicntfc readers may understand /
exactly what thi means, we will state that
cepha!opcd is q mouscoUs animal with head
surrounded By tcnlaccs, and wAorl is a turn OF
. spirc q, . Gui,alyc.
This is a kalaido,copic year in religion. The ,
shaking mp Of creed, is forming the most aston
ishing combinations. Now, Jewish rabbi, Of
Chicago, has requested to be admitted to the
Unitarian Union there.