The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-10-24

He looks you over VITA a business air and
agrees with YOU that q yignette will be tho
most suitable to your style. He says youl
shoulders are both too high to have a iull
length picture.
High shoulders, indeed! You feel as il
YOU would like to annlhilate him, but he is
an artist" and privileged to make remarks
on his wretched subjects.
He steps off yard or two and surveys YOU
with the air Of a jockey inspecting the points
of a horse he is going to trade for, and you
wonder if he sees the chalk on your nose
which you have put On TO cover up the treck
els; and you are in agony lest he should sus
pect that your charms are enhanced by the
least little touch Of rouge on either OF your
cheeks.
You venture to ask him if the mole on your
chin will show?
He answers with the air of the Great Mo
gul, that if it does it will not make the slight
est difference. All that one WAITS Of pic
lure is that it shall look natural.
Natural! AS If the wretch had not been
! in the business long enough TO know that no
one is ever satisfied with aphotograph unless
! it "hattcrs" the subject!
You seat Yourself In the chair OF torture,
which is generally cushioned with green,
and smells of hair OIL He goes behind you
tips 1t back at about an angle Of about forty
five degrees then he tips II forward, then to
one side, and then back again to the first po-
Sltion; tel ing you, at the same time, to low
er your chin" as if that feat could possibly
he performed with his hands pulling your
head back.
The artist is commonly very lank man
with sandy whskers; and fingers, with vel
lOwish nails which smell of ether and alco-
hol. He is chewing cardamon seeds.
lie gets you in position and then advances
to the front, and Squins at you through the
glass, and you grow painfully conscious that
he sees you wrong side up.
You pucker your mouth and say "bcsom,"
and try your best to look brilliant.
Don't stare your eyes sou says this UNI
You subside and let the lids fall down, and
then he cries out:
Look alive, maam That way e drop
ping your eyes makes you look just like Il
corpse
Then he goes behind you again, and TIPS
your head around to one side and gets the
long carl you have carefully placed in front
back behind You. Then he comes forward
and takes another long squint You begin to
feel the perspiration start out on your fore
head, there is lump in your throat, and You
wish you had never vcntured near Mr.. Came
IA, and you wonGer if dear John will like
that side view of you which shows your
aquiline nose 50 very plainly?
The operator changes the pOlsc OF your
arms. Tic pulls some hair round in front,
and puts some more behind, and you are IN
agony lest that switch, which you 50 artfully
tasten on under your own hair, will come
unfastened.
He sets the wise round IL little to the left,
and hangs up green tasScl on the camera
for you to look al.
BY this time the intense light of the room
has gone into your very brain, aud blinded
your very eyes, and your head feelsSdizzy,
and the water gathers in your eyes, and you
know that you are squirting frightfully, You
grow nervous, and shuttle your feet, and twid-
die your fingers and wink tur.Ously and Mr..
Camera tells you to keep quiet or you will
spoil your picture.
All ready at last he announces, and he
commands you to keep the taSsel IN view to
look nalural and be quiet Then he chucks
what looks like Childs transparent slate
into the machine, throws black cloth over
the whole, insInuates his hand under the
cloth for moment, and then emergcs with
his shock of sandy hair standing on end like
"quills on the trettul porcupine." You feel
an insane desire to look at HIM, but there i3
that tassel
He takes our his watch ard glares at you
for the space of half minute, whicn seems
to you half an hour.
Then he snatches out the slate anu dives in
to dark closet, and you hear the rafting of
glass shoppers in glass bottles, and the trick
ling of water, and know that yoEr picture is
being "developed."
BY and by he cHlerges looking very mys-
lN1f linn, 1ar,. Ia do
script piece of metal dripping with water
VIII CHI he brings cautiously within your an
gle of vision, and shows you to yourself
You see IA black, blear-eyed, wilemouthed
shadow on the wet plate
with the bust cut square off, and a black spot
at the end of the nose like an escaped pinch
of snuff, and brown smirch across the lett
cheek.
Your heart sinks within you!
The artist triumphanlly asserts that it isl
perfect! He never saw better likeness in
his life. But, then, if you desire to, you can
SIT again.
iou look at the chair of torture, and then
at the wise standing behind it, and decline
with thanks.
Yod get on your shawl and kat and depart
as quickly rs possible for home, but first you
have To have the operator ask you if you
want the cheek. painted sos to be more natu-
raj, and if you feel like paying half dollar
more on Il dozen to have the eyes worked
up" in India ink.
You give him clrie JLtHcha, AM hurry
away, thoroughly Disguised.
In two or three days time the pictures
come home. You open the package with
dire misgiving.
Just AS you feared, The mouth is doleful-
ly distended, and the eyes are squinted and
those ireCkles on your nose are dreadfully
prominent, and that mole on your chin has
swelled To a perfect lcviathan, and come to
take n good look at them, your shoulders
ARE high!
But your friends declare that the picture is
perfectly lovely and exactly like you, ard you
are compelled To be satisfied.
Satisfied, did we say? No, never for there