The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-06-03
"MyaDoctor."

'sMy Doctor" NAaH- l-
Dear doctor, tits your art to heal
All maladies We mu1taiS feeE
You cut and carve, ind slfce and peel,
No matter what our groans reveal;
And for each physical disaster
You straight apply some magic plaster,
Or drug, to antidote each pain al4 ~
And bring repose to limb and brain.
You take your keen dissecting knife,
AND AND noss '1ess pI B {,
TO lay our quivering muscles bare. l
You twist and sorape our shrinking
bones DNyGI2 l
Despite our piteous shrieks and moans.
and after all this laceration,
Sew up VuSfaesh with exultation. -
II 'tis an arni that must be Topped,
Or huge exorescence to be cropped;
4 VIZ y '1%i %.;SsgS ssd g8lssbS gasaSS
glance,
Why We E;nst needs rgpnir to you.
And trust to skill! to bring US through ;I
Your motto isAssto kiK Or ture;" IN
Our basiRsss- -meekly to endure. .3
Your knowledge We must not gainsay,
Or 'gainst your theories inveigh, ..,li|
However counter they may run ctd
10 common, asense, 4 s'Thy will bei
Your verdict Who may dare impeeach?
For are you not that famous leech,
Who, by mere severfng Of vein,
Can plethoric purses Smpty drain?'a Il
Some triaing i'll aff1ictsl us sore, sc !
Mayhap headache.-notbing more,
And straight, with grave, lugubriousl
You feel ont p1ase @ifh ,soIenn dare.
You wag your wise, foreboding head,
As though life t-embled on thread,
Then add. Dear madam. I'll en-
This chance 10 diagnose your caSesy J,
You,.thep procsea.. with ostentations
70 talk of spmevague .'..complicatfdn,,s|
That does exist within our frames, L f
And which you designate by names 4
So horribly atrocious. we. a. Z
Would fain from yoqr,dread presence
fee,
And rather than b9 9hwea.iKs this,
Deem igdorance dur Highest blise.
Our petty ''headaehe ''Iproy to be
A very complex mystery 'yaua ..,
A problem that va H3et had solved
But for the theory evolved 1I. .s
From out that A,rsin whose mystic lore
All depths Of science ean explore;
Filings satire oh! the' hame of Eeschl
We ask no questions, but submit
To what s.Sir Oracle" deems fit; tl1
Our open throats, alasl alasl
By his d6dteeib ibddoms a-pass Y
Through which ell sorts of stuff go
down, r "G
OF colors blue and green and brown;
Mysterious liquids filter through
Each DIM, oorpOreal avenue.
We take, with unresisting smile,
Abhorrent hostrums, compound vile,
Emetics whose swift circulation
Reverse the laws Of gravitation,
Till nature, almost dosed to death,
Cries outwith. gssping, scanty breath,
And begs. sou quick to interpose
And check these horrid inward throes.
All mel tits beautiful to see
How learned doctors do agree;
What mutual 10, q their souls infiame,
How tender of each others fame;
How sacred Is the tie that binds
In amity their kindred minds!
From jealousy and wrath how free
ls the admired fraternityl
This earth would be desert drear,
Were there no lovely doctors here,
70 give .us anodynes and pills,
And mitigate life's varied ills;
what though by carping tongues tits
said {
That doctors consoiences are dead2
| am no casuist; ergo,
Pass all such knotty questions by.
Content, when pains are most severe,
10 have an Escnlapius near.
A little fellow, Eve or six years old
who had been wearing undershiriE
much too small for him, was one day,
after having been washed, put into {
garment as much. too large for him al
the other had been too small. Onl
six.year.ola shrugged his shoulders
shook himself, walked around and
finally burst out with: "Ma. do fee
awful lonesome in this shirt!' e'