The Ottawa free trader., 1874-06-06
HOME MATTERS.
Pepper and Salt.
money

! They tell us Of a certain Justice of the Peace
who holds forth with his shngle swinGnSin the
breeze, not many miles from Ottawa, who la:
recently hit upon the plan Of giving culprlts be-
fore him high moral lecture after trial, and 4
verdict of guilty. The Justice has but limited
instructive knowledge of the great men who
have been models Of temperance, industry, hon
esty, &c, and in order to facilitate matters he
has q memorandum book full of the names OF
immortal examples of the good qualities. One
day lately Il "layarick" " had been tried andfound
guilty of several little errors. The Judge sum.
med up the evidence, fined the prisoner 80 and
costs and then lectured him. Young man, why
are YOU not brave, noble minded man like
(here he turned over the leaves Of his book and
instead of getting among the saints, struck the
list of traitors like Benedict Arnold? Why are
you not the father of your country likc-like
Gen. Sheridan? Why wasn't you crucifed be.
tween two congressman ike-like-(he couldn't
find the name and went on) Why amt you OF
some account like like mew Here the consta-
bic takes the cuss to Jail while the Court re-
tires to "sme". Chickens fare harder in Ot-
tawa than dogs, because dogs can run at large
if muzzled while the hens, poor things, are not
even protected through muzzles!.. Since the
passage Of the chicken law in this city there is a
fearful squaling of chickens in every coop, and
every day there are rows of fresh heads and iea-
theirs in the back alleys, and chickens baked boil
ed and pot-pied are the popular dishes on almost
every table....A ludicrous incident happened
at the residence of gentleman on the west side.
A young man boarding at the house in frolic
with couple OF servant girls, locked them down
cellar one evening and left them to their medta-
tions. The girls determined to get even, and
rolling soap barrel on one edge of the bottom,
set it at convenient place to the wind" of the
stairs, and putting out the light, called upon
John for Heavens sake to let them out. John
relented, and going down in the dark where he
heard the girls, fell plump into the soap!....A
lady recommends row Of our pickets well
sharpened i'll the fence around the Court House
square to keep loafers from airing themselves
thereon like mud turtles on a log. The OF
tawa R,puJlicdR calls the picnic at Starved
Ro,k on Sunday last "a disgraceful affair" That
is what the pic-nickists might call the RcpuJlicda
and "honors would be easy" We were not pres
ent, but from what we can learn about we
are inclined to believe that the Republican, has
exaggerated somewhat in speaking of it. The
Pee Wee says that there were eight bars there :"
all running in full blast. We are informed by q
gentleman Of truth and yeracity who came home
perfectly sober that there was but one bar there
consequently the reporter of the Republican must
have had his eye sight somewhat disturbed so
that one object was multiplied into eight. Beer
has that effect upon some rersons,, Since the
passage OF that chicken ordinance hens have no
rights that ducks or brakes are bound to respect,
Our old rooster is so ashamed Of himself that he
has not crowed since Tuesday evening last,.,.
A few days ago couple OF gentlemen were
passing certain hotel in this city, in the par
lor, snugly between two girls, sat a man with his
arms extended on the BACKS of the chairs. The
curtains were up, One gentleman looked in and
calling the attention of his companion to the in
teresting scene, enquired if any farmers
oranges are around Ottawa? His friend replied
in the affirmative. "Wel,' responded he, why
&on't they abolish that middle -man"'