River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-03-31
Wit HumOr and Wisdom.


A LADY asked veteran which rifle
carried the maximum distance. The
old chap answered The mime, mum.
ONE of the iurymen in the Tichborne
case lost $40, 900 by dishonest cashier
while he was engaged upon the case.
PARsoN BRowNLow calls Revels ga
high-nosed niger, without an honest
kink in his wool.
e If a naughty girl should hurt you,
like good girl you would forgive her,
wouldn't your Yes. marm,' she re-
piled. "if couldn't catch her.
How ARD it is to be Christian
soldier-and not get caught at it." is
the way the st. Louis Times parts its
jokes In the middle
Ii naughty girl should hurt you,
like good girl you would forgive her,
wouldn't You % eyes. marm," she re-
piled. eff couldn't catch her."
So You are taking lessons in drawing,
Sallie 2" Yes, and the teacher says
am an apt pupil, as | draw more infer
ences, insinuations, admirers and al
lowance than any girl in the academy.
REcToR's daughter Ito Sunday schol.
arr" Oh, you have an elder brother
well, how old is he ?" School boy
Dunno, miss, but he's just started
o'swearing.
TEACHER to little boy" Well, my
oy, do you know your tables ?"
Pupil" Yes, ma'am. Breakfast ia
BILE, dinner table and supper table. The
boy goes to the head of the holiday
class.
For pure grit and long continued
patience you want to go TO Toledo. A
young lady in that town has sent lac
pieces Of poetry to newspaper and
though oil have been rejected she is
struggling with another
A LITTLE girl asked a minister, " Do
you think my father will go to heaven?"
Why, yes, my child. Why do you
ask ?" "Well, because if he don't have
his own way there, he won't stay long,
l was thinking"
IT is stated that the heart of man
weighs about nine ounces, that of
womah about eight. As the age in
creases, a mati's heart grows heavier
and woman's lighter some girls lose
theirs at 16
A YOUNG man, who labored on farm
taking care of cattle, was awakened in
a revival meeting and asked the prayers
of the church, remarking that his heart
was as hard as the bottom of an old
haystack
AMERICANS who pay 81, 900 head for
about 10000 useless soldiers may envy
the fortune of Sir Garnet Wolseley,
who has hired all the soldiers he wants
from two African kings at $50 per
1000
A PEKIN (Ill.) woman was asked by
her preacher if her husband feared the
Lord She replied Gear Him?
Bless you, he is so feared of Him that
he never goes out Sunday without tax
ing his gun along with him.
WHAT is the difference between
gauze dress and drawn tooth An
swer But, really. we hope it will be
we'll understood that we didn't guess it
and stiR better understood that the
conundrum is none of ours. Because
one is too thin and the other is tooth
out.
WELL, neighbor, what is the most
Christian news this morning 2 said
gentleman to a friend. 4" | have just
bought barrel of flour for a poor wo-
man. "Just like you Who is it you
have made happy by your charity this
time?" " My wife.
4 "LrNGER not. darling" she said to
him, as he stood on the porch pressing
her hand before he babe her farewell
for the evening. He did not linger
He saw the old man coming up the
street at rapid gait. He fingered
only long enough TO pull his hat down
over his eyes, spit on his hands, and
bound actively for the sidewalk.
TIE Daily Herald of Duluth is dead.
Weekly receipts, $50; weekly expendi-
lures, $50. As the Philadelphia Ledger
might say:
Daily Herald, thou hast left us
And thy loss we deeply feel
But some fool will start another
We can all our sorrows heal.
- Courier Journal.
Ir is found that freezing of the waste
pipes of kitchen sinks, etc, may be
prevented by making them tapering
toward the top, so that thin ice that
may form on them, may fall away by
slight change of temperature, and com
| plete stoppage cannot take place, even
in continuous cold weather. Pipes 26
feet long. about three inches wide at
the top, and from Sc TO 6.3 inches at
the bottom, have proved very efficient,
and cost little more than the usual
cylindrical ones.
CLEANING LAcE. Point, or any kind
Of fine lace, may be cleaned easily by
soaking 1t in preparation Of sapoline
and warm water. II this is not procur-
able, ammonia m ay be used with al
most equal effect. Let it soak till tit 10
rinse in pure warm water then lay IL
on the ironing board, over clean linen,
and iron lightly on the wrong side with
a cool iron. Afterward pin the lace on
the linen-covered board, inserting pm
in every open loop to keep the pattern
clear.