davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
CAN III?

Can you afford to work hard all day,
and read, study, or court the vagaries
of society all night, thus wasting your
vitality, exhausting your nervous sys.
TEN, and bringing on a premature dis
ease, decay and old age?
Can you afford to eat hastily, and then
rush to study or business, withdrawing
the nervous energy from the digestive
system to the brain and muscles, and
thus inducing dyspepsia, in a few years
at most, to scourge and haunt and make
You miserable, for years Or for life
Can you afford to live on rich or high
ly seasoned food, eat champagne sup
pers, because an artificial appetite is
thus gratifed, rendering govt, dyspep-
STA, apople1y, in the middle of life, al
most a certainty?
Can you afford to commit suicide
through the indulgence of appetite and
passion, adopting the FOOLS motto, GA
short life and a merry one ?"
Can you afford to indulge in fast liv-
ing, dressing beyond your means, driv-
ing livery horses, or keeping a horse
yourself, when your income is not ade
quate to such expenses?
Can you afford to smoke and chew
tobacco, thus spending from five to
twenty or thirty dollars a month, in
luring your nervous system, and thereby
transmitting to children a weakened
constitution, making them puny invalids
for life?
Can you afford to burn out your nerv-
GUS system and demoralize your whole
character by the use of alcoholic liquor?
Can you afford to make money at the
expense Of your manhood, your health,
your just responsibility and integrity?
Can you afford even to gain the whole
world, and thereby make of yourself
a moral wreck?
Can you afford to rob your mind, to
clothe your back with silks and satins,
and crafty a mere love of display?
Can you afford to be tricky, and there
fore defraud your employer OF the just
service You owe him, v e though you
get your pay, thus making yourself a
moral bankrupt
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

THE Boston Transcript describes Mr..
A. I. Stewards box ut Niblo's Garden
us %rivaling in style and finish the box of
any crowned head in Europe. 1t has
four rooms, a large parlor, dressing
room, and box. They are all richly
carpeted and c%urtained, and adorned
with elegant mirrors and chandeliers.
A dance can be INDUCED in between the
acts. and a supper may be served from
the European Hotel. An old theater-
goer might, perhaps, be tempted to in
quire in reference to all this richness,
Cui bono?
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
4 CON IICT UISTILLER.

Among the curiosities of prison litera-
turc may be reckoned a confession.
whether true or false, of one John
Short, distiller and convict, at Sing
Sing. Short was in prison on an eight
years sentence, and turned that period
to account in making about $4,000 in
the whisky business. Adjoining his
cell, he declares, was a vacant apart
ment, used for storing rubbish, and
here, through the connivance of some
of the officers, he rugged up a small
still capable Of yielding about two
gallons of alcohol daily. This brought
him in about $50 a day while the still
was in operation, and had the effect of
keeping many of the convicts in a pleas
ant state of oblivion to their woes. Mr..
Short had to pay dividends occasionally
to secure immunity from molestation,
but in spite Of this, a show of discipline
required one raid upon his d~istillery,
and Mr.. Shorts profits were stopped
for the time being. With the persist
ence Of a truly great mind, however, he
started his still again in a remote cow
shed, and alcoholized his ~fellow-convicts
literally at 81 a pint, until treachery
more caused the suppression of
the industry.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
A SECOND WARRINGTON.

AUSTRIA is the first country to adopt
measures for the introduction of Gre
nation as n mode of disposing of the
bodies of the dead. The Communal
Council Of Vienna has adopted, by
large majority, a proposal to establish
in the cemetery the necessary apparatus
for burning the bodies, the use of which
will be optional and open to all. The
Council of Gratz, Austria, has passed q
similar resolution.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
TIRED MOTHERS.

A little elbow leans upon your knee,
Your tired knee, that has so much to bear;
A child's dear eyes are looking lovingly
From underneath 3 thatch of tangled hair.
Perhaps You do not heed the velvet touch
OF warm, moist fingers holding yours SO tight;
You do not prize this blessing overmuch,
You are almost too tired to pray tonight.
But it is blessedness! A year ago
I did not see it as I do to-day,
We are SO dull and thankless; and too slow
To catch the sunshine till it slips away.
And now it seems SURPRISING strange to me,
That, while 1 bore the badge of motherhood,
l did not kiss more oft and tenderly,
The little child that brought me only good.
And if, some night when you sit down to rest,
You miss this elbow from your tired knee;
This restless, curling head from off your breast.
This lisping tongue that chatters constantly
If from your own the dimpled hands had slipped,
And ne'er would nestle in your palm again;
If the white feet into the grave had tripped,
Icould not blame you for your heartachs then /!
I wonder so that mothers ever fret,
At little children ~clinging to their gown;
Or that the footprints, when the days are wet,
Are ever black enough to make them fruwn.
If I could find q little muddy boot,
Or cap, or jacket, on my chamber floor;
If I could kiss a rosy, restless foot,
And hear its patter in my home once more
If I could mend a broken cart to-day,
Tomorrow make a kite to reach the sky
There il no woman in Gods world could say
She was more biissfully content than /,
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

WE quote from the Northern Chris
tan 1duocate this remarkable state
ment as TO the number of persons who
are received OIL probation in the Meth
odist Episcopal Church Gin fourteen
years the whole church reported 2,O72,-
CSC practitioners F.; these millions of pro-
MISUNDERSTANDING the number re-
ceived into membership at the end of
the year-aggregated sos, 316 members,
being about twenty-five in one hundred.
ANY system that loses seventy-ive per
cent. of its converts in n year must be
capable of improvement, and certainly
greatly needs it,"
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
HOUSEHOLD AND KITCHEN.

IIoN t-Nb
LAMB.-Lamb should be roasted until
the gravy that drops is white ; the fore
quarters are the best for a roast ; the
leg is good broiled or roasted two
hours will roast the fore-quarters well.
BRornsD BEEF.-The best piece is the
round, the next best the edge-bone.
Put it into boiling water, otherwise it
will lose all its juiciness. Ten pounds
of beef will require three hours or more
of boiling.
AN EXCELLENT PUDDING.-One-half
pound suet, shred fine !; one-half pound
grated bread crumbs one-qTarter
pound loaf. sugar, the yolks Of four
eggs, and the white of two, well beaten I;
two tablespoonful of orange marmalade
or sliced citron, if preferred. To be put
into a buttered mold, and boiled for
two hours. To be served with wine
poured over it, or sauce.
BUCKwHEAT CAKEs.-If you want to
lave buckwheat cakes at a moments
warning, at any and all times, mix in a
arge stone or earthen pot. When you
take out quantum sufficit for breakfast
or supper, mix as much in another YES
sci as you take out, and pour into the
large pot, stirring it well. By observ-
ing this rule you will always have nice
light cakes and plenty of them when
you want them. The large pot must be
kept in the cellar.
TOOTH PowDER. THE following re-
cipe for tooth powder possesses three
essential virtues. giving an odorous
breath, preserving the enamel, and
cleansing and preserving the gums:
Powdered orris root, half an ounce
powdered Peruvian bark, one ounce
prepared chalk, n ounce /: powdered
charcoal, two ounces; oil of bergamot,
or lavender, 90 drops. These ingre-
dients must bereducedto an impalpable
powder ana thoroughly mixed IN drug
gist's mortar.
RICE CREAM.-Put in a stew-pan four
ounces of ground rice, two ounces of
sugar +; a few drops of the essence of
almonds, or any other essence you
choose, with two ounces fresh butter
add a quart of milk boil from fifteen
to twenty minutes, till it forms a smooth
substance, though not too thick then
pour into a mold previously oiled, and
serve when cold and well set. If the
mold be dipped in warm water, the
cream will turn ont like a jelly. Ii no
mold, put either in cups or a pie-dish.
The rice had better be done a little too
than under.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

opening in the most depending or low
est part, SO as to allow the matter to
run off freely .-Spirit Of the Times.
COOP FARM1NG.-Here is the secret
of good farming. You can take from
the land more than you restore to it, in
some shape or other, without running it,
and SO destroy your capital. Different
soils may require different modes of
treatment and cropping, but in every
variety of soil these are the golden rules
to be attended to: Drain until you
find that the water from heaven does
not stagnate inthesoil butruns through
it and off it freely. Turn up and till
the land until your foot sinks into q
loose, powdery loan, that the sun and
air readily pass through. Let no weed
occupy the place where a useful plant
could possibly grow. Collect every
particle of manurethat you can, whether
liquid or solid. Let nothing on the
farm go to waste. Put in your crops in
that course which experience has shown
to lead to success in their growth, and
an enrichment and not impoverishment
of the land. Give every plant room to
spread its roots in the soil and its leaves
in the air. And in all your operations
endeavor to be a little ahead of your
neighbors.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

A QUESTIONABLE" christening party
in New York was postponed last week
in consequence of the non-arrival of a
steamer from Europe having on board
the lace dress (made to order) in which
the baby was to have appeared. The
clergyman engaged was Disguised.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

In inventive ingenuity, as in railroads
and telegraphs, this country leads the
world. The Philadelphia North .Amcri-
a c~ollates the statistics of the British
Patent Office ortheyear1s72 from which
it appears that the number of applica-
tons made to the principal governments
of the world for patents in the year 1872
was: In the United States, 1928 all
other countries, 14,072. After us the
highest number of applications were !:
In France, 4,S72 Great Britain, 300;
Belgium, 1921 Austria, 800 and SO on
down the list /; France, Great Britain,
and Belgium, being apparently about
the only countries of Europe that at
tempt to do justice to the inventor.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

"WHAT is your business ?" asked a
Judge of a prisoner at the bar. "Well,
L s'pose you might callme a locksmith."
"When did you last work at your
trade ?" "Last night, when 1 heard a
call for the perlice, and 1 made a bolt
for the front door"
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

Ex-Gov. ANDREW j. CURTIN, of
Pennsylvania, WAS in Chicago the other
day, and the irrepressible reporter
tackled him for an interview. The
Governor, however, turned the tables
On the pencil-shover, and himself be-
came interviewer. Suppose you tell
me-" quoth he to the reporter, "what
has happened in the world during the
past three months. But first tell me
about this wonderful city Of yours. 1
am stopping in a hotel here that is finer
than anything l have eve seen. 1
have been all over Europe, but / never
saw such splendor in a public hostelry.
And when l go on the streets, the only
thing | can compare the sight to is
Venice, but your business blocks are
far more elegant than their famous
palaces. l have not been here since
1860 when we nominated Abraham Lin
coin. And now l am told that all this
splendor was a heap of ruins two years
ago. l can't comprehend it,
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08

"How MUCH better it would have been
to have shaken hands and allow it was
all a mistake" said a Detroit Judge.
"Then the lion and the lamb would
have lain down together, and white
robed peace would have famed you
with her wings and elevated you with
her smiles of appreciation. But no,
you went to clawing and biting and
rolling in the mud, and here you are.
It's five dollars a piece"
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
VARIETIES.

tIIIL LIED.
CREATURES that cannot have too much
cheek-Pigs.
A YOUNG lady told a printer friend
that he might print a kiss on her cheek,
but he must not publish it.
An editor at q dinner-table, being
asked if he would take some pudding,
replied, in a fit of abstraction, "Owing
to a crowd of other matter, we are unable
to find room for it."
WHEN a devoted wife holds her hus-
band out at arms length by his sore
ear, and says she wouldn't crush a worm,
he realizes, all at once, how fearfully
and wonderfully women are made.
"YoU must be a quarrelsomefellow,"
said a phrenologist to a man whose
bumps he was examining. "Say that
again and I'll knock you down." a
the response.
WHAT is the difference between a Jew
and a lawyer? The m gets his law
from the prophets, and the other his
profits from the law.
Up in Maine they have a champion
servant-girl-eighty-two years in the
same house, and has washed dishes
80, 700 times. Some sorcery-in fact,
some cup and saucery-about this.
A oUARRELsoME couple were discuss
ing the subjects Of epitaphs and tomb
stones, and the husband said "My
dear, what kind of a stone do You sup
pose they will give me when 1 die ?"
birthstone, my love-" was the affec-
tionate reply.
An OK that had been eating fermented
grain. which was in preparation for
making ale, became intoxicated, and
was offered for sale by his wne as
"corned beef.
A CALIFORNIA man tied one end OF a
rope around his waist, and lassoed a COW
with the other. He thought he had the
COW, but at the end of the first half
mile he began to suspect that the COW
had him.
YOU may talk yourself into a bronchial
affection, but you can't convince a Yer
mont woman hat there won't be a
death in the family if she dreams of
seeing a hen walking a picket fence.
JOHN RANDOLPH met a personal enc
my in the street, n day, who refused
to give him half of the sidewalk, saying
that he never turned out for a rascal.
81 do" says Randolph, stepping
aside and politely raising his hat.
"Pass on"
If a lady in a red cloak were to cross
a red field in which was a goat, what
wonderful transformation would proba-
bly, take place? The goat would turn
to butter and the lady into a scarlet
runner.
A SECOND WASHINGTON.
Dear! dear! who broke my favorite egg? -
Cried Biddy Bantam 10 her daughter;
Some lazy cur, too proud to beg,
Has mashed it-and he hadn't ought ter
The child gave one pathetic craw,
Her rueful tears began to thicksn;
She sobbed aloud, a. broke it, ina
This little person is my chicken.
I" Some albumen and lime I'll buy,
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-05-08
THE FANLNES OF HISTORY.

If the history of the existing famine
in India is to resemble the circum-
stances of famines of the past, the
record will be a terrible one. The grim
monster of starvation is no new enemy
to the human race. From the year
1908 to 1714 B. c., famine slew myriads
in Egypt. In Rome, 1876 B. c., a famine
occurred so direful III its effects that
thousands Of people threw themselves
in the Tiber to avoid death by starva-
ton. Again Egypt suffered in the year
40 A. D., and again Rome experienced
its horrors in the year 262, when a
plague aided to decimate the people.
In the year 272 q famine ensued in
Britain, causing the people to eat the
bark of trees. Thousands died in Scot
land in 3O6, and in 80, 40, 900 people
persisted in England. An awful famine
desolated Phrygia in $40, and in $50,
during the continuance of the famine in
Italy, parents ate their children. The
years 539, 1913 and 954 were marked in
England, Wales and Scotland as years
of famine, and in 1915 all Europe was
stricken with awful starvation. The
year 1887 saw the recurrence of the
famine in England, and from 1893 to
1895 want of food and n pestilence COM
bined carried off thousands in that coun-
try and France. England suffered in
1851 from the same cause, and in the
famine in that island in 1415 people are
reported to have devoured vermin, and
the flesh of horses. dogs and cats. The
years 1885, 1853, Ass, 1865, 1893 and
1874 were all marked by dreadful
famines in England or France. Bengal
was devastated in III ; 16, 900 persisted
at Cape de Verde in 1775; France suf-
fered in 1889, and England in 1896 and
1901. In 1914, 1916, 1922, 1881, 1910
and 1S47 great famines prevailed in
Ireland, in consequence OF the failure
Of the potato crop, and in the last men
toned year Parliament voted fl0, 000,-
900 for relief. In 1861 thousands
starved in the northwes: provinces of
India. In Algeria, while Marshal Nc
AIahon was Governor, a famine occurred,
and in 1865 Bengal suffered from a
scarcity Of food similar to that which
afflicts that PROVINCE.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

A FIsHY CUsTo3IER.-The following
anecdote from an exchange, is worth
laughing over. 1t tells of an old man
who had an infrmity and an appetite for
fish. He was anxious to keep his char
acter for honesty, even while buying o
bill Of goods from his merchant, SO the
story reads, and when the merchant
turned his back, the old honest CUSTOM
er (?l slipped Goldfish up under his coat
tail, but the garment was too short to
conceal the theft and our merchant per
ceived it.
!" Now said the customer, anxious to
improve all opportunities to call atten-
ton. to his virtues, "Mr. Merchant, /
have traded with you great deal and I
haVe always paid you promptly and hon
estly-havenst Strip
Oh, well, yes;n said the merchant.
" have no complaint on that scorer
80 Veil, and haven't I always insisted
that honesty was the best policy to live
and die by 20 asked the customer.
That's really SO !; you have,n said the
merchant; and the customer was about
to depart with the fish he did not pay
for.
Hold on, friend N exclaimed the mer-
chant. !" Speaking of honesty. have
bit of advice to give you. When you
come to trade again, you had better wear
Q long coat, or steal shorter tailed cod
fish,
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

A worthy old Dutch woman named
Van Phyn lived near Court House in
Pennsylvania, and the Judge of the Dis
trict found it. convenient to leave his
robe there and call for it as he went to
court. One day he stepped in for 1t as
usual, and taking down the first black
garment that met bis eye, he tucked it
under his arm and walked into the court,
aseended the bench and began to put it
on, when to the great amusement of all
present he discovered he had on a wo-
mems garment. Ladies in those days
wore separate pockets, and the Judge
had slipped the shirt over his head and
put his arms through the pocket holes
before he discovered his mistake and
with an air of imperturbable gravity he
exclaimed. Before God, have got ON
Van Rhyn's petticoat.p
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

An honest deacon in a Connecticut
parish-his name was not Richard
Smith--was sorely troubled about the
Copernican system of the universe. He
believed it to be unscriptural and untrue,
and he carried his doubts to his minister
The latter being in his own eyesa scien-
tific man, and also a believer in Copper
nicus, said the sun was stationary bo-
dy, not revolving, as the deacon main
tanned, around the earth. But the lat
ter pointed with an air of triumph to
the story of Joshua wien he commanded
the sun to stand STILL" every well,''
said the minister; !" show me, il you can,
the passage of Scripture where it said
Joshua ever commanded the sun to move
again.n
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24


How GRACE TRANsMUTEs.-Tak al
ounce OF the blackest slime of a beaten
foetpath on q rainy day, near q manu-:
featuring town. That slime we shall
md IN most cases composed of clay (ol
brick dust, which is burnt clay,) mixed
with SCOT, q little sand and water.
Let us suppose that this ounce of mud
IS left III perfect rest, and that its ele-
ments gather together, like to like. Sc
that these atoms may get into the closest
relations possible. Let the clay begin
Kidding itself of all foreign substance, il
gradually becomes white earth, already
very beautiful, and fit, with the help of
cOng geailngl fire, to be made into finest
porcelain, and to be kept in kings pal
aces. But such artificial consistence is
now Its best. Leave it still quite to fol-
low its own instinct of unity, and it be-
comes not only white, but clear, nobonly
clear, but hard not only clear and hard,
but so set that it can deal with light In q
wonderful way, and gather out of it the
lOveliest blue rays only refusing the rest.
We call it then O sapphire.
b Such being the contamination of the
clay, we give similar permission of
quiet to the sand. It also becomes, first
awIite earth, then proceeds to grow clear
and hard, and at last arranges itself into
mysterious, infinitely parallel lines,
which have the power of rejecting, not
merely the blue rays, but the blue, green,
purple, and red rays, in the greatest
beauty in which they oan be seen through
any hard material whatever. We call
it an opal.
Innext order the sootsets to work. 1t
cannot make itself white at first, but in
e4o n EtzxzS
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

A Kentucky farmer refused to look
alta sample sewing machine recently, as
he always "sewed wheat by land.n He
is related to the man. who did not want
a threshing machine ON his farm "For,'
said he, Il give, me a harness tug OF
barrel stave, and / can make my family
toe the mark according to the law and
Scripture at #tiaE7 ta -
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

A young lady told her father few
days since that the doctor had said gold
was good for canker and that she had
the eanker in her mouth and wanted a
handsome pair of gold earrings! Her
father probably thought such a remedy
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

A. youth stepped into a book store, and
asked :" what kind of pens do you sell
here, mister 2" All kinds, answered one
of the clerks. "Do youRp said the lit
tie chap; then give me ten cents worth
of pig pens.n a.. -
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

Samuel Hartman, of st. Croix, Wis,
retired home with breVet brigadiership,
HGood by, General" were the parting
words OF his old comrades in the army.
" How are you, Colonel ?n was the saluta-
ton ON reaching Wisconsin. AS he ap-
preached home this began to come down
to How dye do, Captain ~ and finally
when he came among the boys at home,
back again 27
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24
THE CABINET.

Hamilton Fish, of New York, Secretary of
State.
William w. Belknap, Secretary of War.
. Geo. NJ. RObesOn, of New Jersey, Secretary of
Navy.
Geo. s. Boutwell,, of Massachusetts, Secretary
of Treasury.
ternal Revenue.
Geo. Fl. Williams, OF Oregon, Attorney General.
j. A. J.. Cresswel, of Maryland, Postmaster
General.
c. Delano, Secretary Of Interior.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-04-24

MAY AND DECEMBER.--An old gem
tleman of eighty -four having taken to
the alter a young damsel of sixteen, the
clergyman said to him: g You will find
the font at the other end of the church. y
" What do want with the font ?n asked
the old gentleman. 81 beg your par
DOM said the clerical wit, q /. Thought
you had brought the child to be christen-
ed - F'7