Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-10-31
DECEIT OF SONG WRITER'S.

never had home-I Exchange.
No, of course not. All his folks at home say
he didn't. Nobody who writes about anything
ever had it. If man is out of anything be
immediately goes and writes about it, No man
writes so many headings as the man who Is
out of his head.
Certainly he didn't ever have any home.
The man who wrote the "Old Arm Chair"
never had an arm-chair in his life. The best
he had was an old spht-bottom chair without
any back to it.
The author of take Me Back TO Switz:r-
laDo' never was 10 Switzerland. The nearest
he ever came to it was slrtlng in the William
Tell saloon, eating swltzer-k kase-kase why,
that was the best be could do.
Mother I've Come Home to Die has not
spoken to the old woman for years, aud
wouldn't 90 near the house. Besides, he is of
that class of spiritualists who don't believe he
will ever die. His health was never better.
His mother is nothing but a mother-ln law,
and she is dead, anyhow.
There is the author OF the Old Oaken
Bucket" too There wasnt bucket on the
farm, water being drawn with tin pail aud
ciseru-pole.
1T | Had But Thousand Year stated
privately to his friends that he would be con-
tented with half that sum, as he was doing
chores for his board and three months school
ing this winter.
The author of champagne Charley never
drank anything but ten-cent whiskey.
The man who wrote MARY had a Little
Lrnb" knew very we'll that it was nothing but
little lamb fry.
''Shells of Ocean" is humbug. The PLATO
tive poet who represents himself as wandering
one summer eve with sea beat thought, on a
pensive Shore was raised in the interior Of Peun-
sylvaDia, and never ten miles away from home
in all his life "Gathered Shells" did he? All
the shells he ever gathered were some egg-sheilS
back of his mothers kitchen.
''Hark, I Hear the Angels Sing" spent all
his evenings 10 beer saloon. Angels, lu-
deed
The man who wrote the ''Soug ofthe Shirt
hadn't shirt to his back, wearing wampus
for the most part.
"Ott iu the Silly Night" used to get on
spree and make the Silly pight howl till day.
light
The author of"We Met by Chance" knew
very we'll it was arranged before hand. tie had
been for weeks contrivlng lt-and she admired
his contrivance.
The author of Il Know Bank, Sc, did
not know one where he could get his note dis
counted. The only check he ever held was
white check at faro bank. He never held
red check in all his life
What are the Wild Waves Saying? p knew
very we'll that they were reproaching hlm tor
running away from Long Branch without pay
Ing his hotel bill.
"Wio Will Care for Mother Now?' Who,
indeed? You took the old woman to the poor
house Just before writing the song and there
is nobody but the poor master to care for her
now.
Hear me, Norma" was deaf and dumb
He couldn't make bis par hear, nor MA
My Mother, Dear, used to thrash the old
woman within an inch of her life.
The author Of Rain ou the Root always
slept in tho basement, except when he slept out
of DOORS
''Let me Kiss Him for His Mother" got
mad because his mother would't have him, and
whipped her little boy within an inch OF his
lille.
Il Dreamt I Dwelt iu Marble Halls used
to cheat at marbles when boy, and his dream
was horrid nightmare, brought on by the re-
morse at the recollection of fraudulent marble
hands
Pm Saddest Wheu Sing" was ticked al
most to death if invited to.
Happy Be Thy Dreams sold benziue whis
key. You can fancy what kind of dreams were
produced. l. Fat Contributor.
'Do you know why you are like the third
term? p said Susan jane to her brother who
fingered to talk with her Adolphus after the
old folks had retired. "No, don't" Well
replied his sacchariue sister, its because
you re Que too many.'
Administer asked tipsy fellow leaning up
against fence, where he expected 10 60 when
he died. IF | can't get alouc ANY ,aiter than
do now," he said, II shaD't 60 anywhere.
II stay where | am y
If Texas steer cores lady's red dress,
what redress has She Iuquistive Philadel-
phia StarI. Get madden. That will dye red
dress, if it is in cores.
Mrs Swisshelm urges that proposed gar
meut, which envelopes the female persoo from
neck to ankles, be called chem. Shem on
you, Jane.
Siguor Braga, the violoucellist of the De
Murska company, is the composer OF nine
operas; yet Braga doesn't brag about It.
From Europe comes the rumors of various
clashiugs Prussia and Russia are said to be
at odds; Spanish vessel has fired into French
steamer; Austria is at logerheads with the
Porte; France is arming, aud Germany, every
now and then, insults her, just to keep her
blood up; the Italian Minister of Foreign AT
fairs declared, 10 his speech the other day,
"the existence of party in Europe hostile to
Italy," Denmark bears no good will to Prussia
aud the SchleST!g question: IS Stlll unsettled
And yet, when war comes-as come 1t will
not one of these problems will, in all probabi
tv. enter into the cause. These little irr-
liabilities ouly keep the cations iu fighting
lumor.
IMPORTANT Discovery. The James River
Coal Company have found the Carbonite or
Soft Coke vein, of excellent quality, in an old
shaft Oh their property a halt me from any OF
their present workings, where It was claimed
by former operators that the vein could not De
found. The Importance of this discovery can
be seen wheu We state that they estimate that
they can mine from this shaft one hundred
thousand tous of this valuable fuel without 60
ing deeper than they have now found the veln'
Richmond Whig.