The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1874-11-05
IRREGULARITIES.

PECULIARlTIES.
--Twenty-one girls Of Kcnosha. Wis.
have Resolved that if the young men
won't come and see US, We will go and
see them.
-Clergymen insinuate that wedding
fees this autumn are by no means as
liberal as they used to be. More
sssigns Of the times y
John Henry's wife insisted upon a
seal-skin jacket, and when he economi-
cally endeavored to supply it with hot
sealing-wax didn't the fur fly!
Nothing will sooner tempt bache-
lor to abandon his resolution to marry
than to sleep in the adjoining room to
a young couple with colicky baby.
How sharper than serpent tooth
it is to have a mans wife draw the bed
clothes over her head and declare that
she wont build fire If she dies for it
--Barnum, who has humbugged the
American people all his life, got paid
back in his own coin the other day
when he married. His wife has false
teeth.
"A widow who says thst she is she
homeliest woman in Newport, Kentucky,
| advertises for husband. He must be
middle-aged, good natured, but not
| beautiful, ''as want to love him all
myself
-ssWhat are you going to give me
for Christmas present. asked gay
damsel Of her lover. Il have nothing
to give but my humble self, was the
| reply. "The smallest favors are CRATE
fully received was the merry response
Of the lady.
An illinois girl drugged her father
and mother the other night when she
expected her lover, who is deaf ano
talks in loud voice, and it was forty
eight hours before the doctor could
bring the old folks out Of it.
The young lady Of Milwaukee
| whose father collected $500 Of dentist
| for kissing her, stole the money from
her parent and used it all up in brib!ne
the tooth-jerker to. kiss her some more
-s'How is it, my dear, that you have
never hindlcd fame in the bosom Of :
MANI" said an old lady to her pretty
neice. who was portionless. ''The rea
son. dear aunt, replied the young lady
sis, as you we'll know, that | am not
good match
No man can spin around on the re
yolving seat Of a three-legged stool s.
proudly, and at the same time carry
= pen-full Of ink in such lose proximity
to his eye withou. blinking, as tn
nevly-appointcd secretary of life IN
1 surance company.
/. When Delaware man catches
boy up peach tree and shoots six o
eight bullets into him. the neighbor
gather, call the meeting to order, ant
s.resolve that one boy isn't any grca
loss. bit such careless shooting mus
be discouraged
s'See here, Joe,' said gentlema
to stupid fellow, ''what is the use G
your stealing after that rabbit, whe
your gun has no lock on 2" ''Blast it
you les keep STILL" snarled Joe. 9Th
rabbit don't know nothin' about m
gun hayin' no lock onto it.
A young blood dining at a hote
was requested by neighbor to pas
him some article of food which wa
near him. "Dn YOU mistake me for
waiter I" said the exquisite. ''No, sir
mistook you for gentleman, wa
the prompt reply.
Minnie Berdcll advertises her hus
band in this manner: Whereas m.
charming husband, Daniel c. Berdel
has left me for the twelfth time, with
out Just cause or provocation, this is t
warn all persons from trusting him o
my account, as l am done paying hi
debts and supporting him. Hereafte
he must sscut his own feed or starve.
Jeremy Taylor quantity says {
marriage that it hath in it the labor
love, the delicacies Of friendship, tn
blessings Of society, and the union {
hearts and hands. 1t hath in it less {
beauty, but more Of safety than sir
gle life; it is more merry and more sa
fuller Of joys and SORROWS; it lies un
der more burdens, but is supported b
the strength Of love and charity; an
those burdens arc all delightful.
A gentleman was describing t.
Douglas Jerold the story Of his court
ship and marriage, how his wife ha
been brought up in convent and wa
on the point Of taking the veil when hi
presence burst upon her enrapture
sight and she accepted him as her bus
band. Jerrold listened to the end
the story, and then quietly remarked
"She simply thought you better tina
\ nun"
MORSE MANUFACTURING Co., New YoRE