The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-03-20
THE PRESS.
FRIDAY MORNING. MARCH 20. 1874

Gossip and Cleaning.
Engaged for the next sst-Hens,
A Fort Wayne merchant advertiSes his
goods sat oxyun."
Lap dogs are not worn as much as for
merly.
A Western critic speaks of "Bunion, the
author of Pilgrims Progress
For evening dress the ladies are wearing
gauntlets to their light gloves of wide black
velvet, cut in small points at the top.
''Put no faith in talebearers," chants re-
ligious weekly. That's what makes us hate
cat,
Spicer says that cheap boarding house re-
minds him of a graveyard-it is so suggestive
of dust and hashes.
"This March is a hateful month";" peevish-
my hair won't stay on nohow."
little American lad who had Just COM
menced reading newspapers asked his father
if the word Hon." prefxed to the name of
member of Congress, meant "houest."
Many children are raised with the bottle,
but many more deserve to be raised with the
boot" remarked Quiz, on discovering that
his landlady's hopeful son had been shaving
his cat with his new razor.
A very bad little boy in Dubuque rubbed
cayenne pepper dust all over the back of his
jacket, and then did shamefully in school.
The schoolma'am thrashed him briskly, but
dismissed school Immediately, to run to the
nearest drug store for eye salve.
A schoolmaster asked one of his boys, on a
sharp, wintry morning, what was Latin for
cold The boy hesitated little. ''What ?"
said the teacher, "cannot you tell ?" "Yes,
yes," replied the boy: 81 have it at my fin
ger ends"
Two deacons once disputing about pro-
posed new graveyard, one remarked:
'.Pll never be buried in that ground as
long as I livep'
"What an obstinate manw said the other.
eff my life is spared, WILL"
There are young men who cannot hold a
skein of yarn for their mothers, without winc-
ing, but will hold one hundred and twenty
five pounds of neighboring family for the
best part Of a night, with patience and do
cility that are certainly phenomenal.
A fellow in Norwich was bitten by dog.
As soon as he recovered from his fright he
declared he would kill the animal. ''But the
dog isn't mad," said the owner. "Mad p
shouted the victim, exasperatingly, ''what
has he got to be mad about?,'
Facing dresses is always foolish economy.
If dress is worth making at all, it is worth
making decently. A dress looks very nicel,
in balmy weather, but let the winds blow
the overskirt fly up, and how does it lool
when white black or brown paper muslin Il
exhibited.
Here's chance. Said an old gentleman
to Miss Phoebe Couzins: 81 wish you would
give up this foolish notion of running about
to lecture and settle down, have a husband
and be good house-keeper." Miss Couzins
replied. ''Barkis is willing; but where's your
man?'
s'What large chickens these arep' Land
lady-"Yes, chickens are larger than they
used to be. Ten years ago we couldn't pre-
tend to get chickens as large as these"
Boarder, With an innocent air-''No, sup
pose not; these must have grown good deal
in that time" Landlady looks as though
she had been misunderstood.
In the preparation of epitaphs, says Lord
Kames, conciseness is quite as desirable as
truth. We do not remember to have seen
any epitaph in which mans virtues are
more concisely stated than that upon the
late Mr.. Mink:
The angels tonight, in their mansions of light,
Are watzin' 'round Anthony Mink;
He was faithful and kind, as any you'll find,
And gin was his favorite drink.