The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1874-07-04
HUMOROUS.
A great floor manager-A broom

Dress parade--A fashionable we'd
ding.
The head of navigation-A ship CAP
tain.
Practical cremationists: The Mexican
witch-burners.
What can a man have in his pocket
when its empty? a big hole.
Cremation by sun process is to be the
name for sunstroke, this summer.
No wonder that egotists find the world
so ugly. They only see Themselves in it.
On weekdays buy your music by The
sheet. On Sundays you can lave it by
the choir,
Births are being announced as "Our
Young Folks for july" in the Turner
Falls, Mass. Reporter.
"Lilly Dale" of whom poets have
so charmingly sung, languishes in a
Chicago house of corr ection.
"We patronize those' who patronize
us" is the motto over the Zionsyillp,
Ind, Times advertising columns.
These are the days when one hears
the phancy pharmer philosophiLing
over his phOsphates and phrrtilizers.
DR.. Francis says that an old maid
never looks at double bedstead with
out sighing. An observing old gent.
If a railroad train that is run into by
another is telescoped, a man who is run
into by a wild young OK must be stere>
scoped.
The proposition TO introduce ladies as
railroad conductors is irowned upon,
in view CT the fact that their trains are
always behind.
A parson once prefaced his sermon
with "My friends, let Us say a few
words before we begin" This is about
equal to the chap who took a short nap
before he went to sleep.
A good little Bangor boy refused to
spell cider, because he had signed the
pledge. That excuse haunt the requi-
site thickness, and the boy was sent to
his seat to learn his lesson.
The lady who applied day or two
ago to Hoosick Falls drug store for
six cents worth of the ''glory of rhyme"
was not love-sick poetess. She had
been sent for chloride of lime.
An old bachelor picking up book,
exclaimed, Upon seeing a wood cut re.
presenting man kneeing at the feet
of woman, "Befole would kneel to
woman, l would encircle my neck
with rope and strech it,, And then
turning to yourg woman, he inquired;
''Do you think it would be the best
thing could do?" at would undoubt-
edly be the best tEing for the woman, -
was the sarcastic reply.
been to have shaken hands and allow il
was all mistake" said Detroit Judge.
"Then the lion and the lamb would
have lain down together, and whit
robpd peace would have famed you
with her wings and eleya ed you with
her smiles of appreciation. But no; you
went to clawing and biting and rolling
il the mud, and here you ale. Its five
dollars apiece"
This laconic but sensible German
ought to be sent out to lecture TO the
people on temperance: II shall tell you
how it vas, drank mine lager; den
puI hl'le manu- vi, ii',,o iie"u, anu uei'
Vosh Won pam peh l pul my hahu ~
my pocket, ana uele vas hotnlhe' 90
Jlhe mt ue ue'nptrahee. now ueIe :, u
no pam more III ll'nu ''eau' anu uc pan
mine hand in mine pocket, and dere va.
twenty dollars. So stay mid de dem
perance."
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