The Hawaiian gazette., 1874-12-02
Variety.

Song Of the seods-Put me in my little bed.
The rich mans blunders pass current for wise
mA1ims.
America imported ia lawyers and $50 physicians
last year.
When is a literary work like smoke? When it rises
il volumes.
Never insult poor man. His muscles may be well
developed.
Punch says the unfortunate mans friends live
long way Of.
81 The one thing needed for the perfect enjoyment
Of love is confidence" Same with hash and sausages
Al the opening Of the operate season in New York,
recently, there was not chgnOn, rat friz
visible.
Every eight minutes, night and day, one person
dies every Eve minutes one is bOrn in the city Of
London.
Statistics show that of the foreigners coming to
the T. States last year 22O 900 were Catholics and
2O7 900 PrOiestants.
Mrs Law, Of Vermont. called her husband liar
eight years ago, and be has spoken to her since,
though remaining in the house.
who is that foreign lady with very low cut
dressg' asked bystander at party. That is Mrs.
ChemisOf-a Russian lady"
We sometimes congratulate ourselves at the moment
OF waking from a troubled dream; it may be 50 the
moment after death.-HGpthorHe.
An ignorant old lady was asked by a minister
visiting her if she had religion. She replied 81
have slight touches of it occasionally"
Why are ladies the biggest thieves in existence?
Because they steel their petcOat, bone their stays,
CRIB their babies and hook their dresses.
Kaiser William could sit his horse under a shower
Of bullets, but when it to having aching
tooth drawn, he took ohlorOfOrm.
The standing army of the new German Empire is
rather formidable array, comprising 625,72o men,
E6,25O horses. and $40 field guns
The London Times says that life is lived quickly
in the United States that who has been five
wears in public life is almost a veteran.
Joe Arch, being interviewed since his return to
Eagland, says he intends to 60 on until he has
drained the country Of every agricultural labOrer"
Mrs. sam Colt, Of Hartford, signs every check and
order FOR money used by her revolver foundry, aud
takes walk through the establishment twice week.
Mr.. JtdGst does business in Cleveland. There is
one advantage about Mr.. Jtdst's name-yOu couldn't
forge it with anything short of Photographic camera.
A Sunderland CNAss.) farmer raises thousand
dollars worth Of onions to the acre, and doesn't be-
long to the grange either. He thinks he is strong
enough without it.
smart young lady Cbut she viii play cards) wrote
3 note to a nice young man, the other day, thus /;
Come and play yOucur this evening" She meant
euchre, but the simple-minded youth got mad about
Il.
A correspondent writes from Swiss town "I
was much amused on looking visitors book at
the inn to find that under the head of Occupation,
two GsrmhD girls had written, Looking for q hus-
band"
The extent Of railroad open in British India at
midsummer. 1873, was ssh miles. The gross rev
euue OF the year 1872 was SSl 55OOO, the passenger
t-afe producing over slO.OOO.O 900. and the goods
trafbr nearly $50 100000.
From = return just issued. IT appears that during
the last twelve years England has expended sum
equal to Ss26ss.eSe upon coast fOrtiseations, dis
trbused for the most part at Portsmouth, Plymouth
Portland. Pembroke, Shcerness. Dover, Graveseud,
Chatham and Cork.
Joshus." said oui-'s landlady to her hopeful, at
b7eakfast lstely; Joshua, what is tn heir aP-
p1rout. There Is one on the butter, mOthsr'" re-
Piled the uuflial yOungsser. And the old lady Lit
upon him with the eOfee-POt-
clergyman says, j." once married handsome
vounr eourle and as took the bride BY the hand at
The close Of the ceremony and gave her my warmest
congratulations. she tossed her pretty head, and
pointing to the bridegroom. replied ~ think he is
the one to b, Congratulated"
That vas a beautiful thought Of the poet that
woman oIinrs to man like the ivy" But is it al
ways true' How many bald-beAded men cAn testify
that no woman ever clung to them like the ivy but
what she let 90 like graphing irOn.-BrOOtlyn Ar
gus.
The Detroit Free Press says An Ohio woman
worked At odd times for nine years to piece bed
gun, containing ever SO many pieces, snd then her
husband seized it to blanket his mule, and said that
!, saved hira paying out six shillings for an army
blanket.
minister was once preaching about heaven, and
TO show the absurdity Of swedenborg's ideas, drew
graphic picture Of the SWedenbOrgian heaven, with
iss beautiful fields, fne horses, and pretty wo-
men, when. in the midst of his glowing description.
Of the sisters went into rspture, and exclaimed,
"gOry, glOryr' This SO. disconnected the preacher
that he paused when an elder called out to the shout
er. Hold on there. sister you are shouting over
the wrong hssVsni"