The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-24
Naming the Baby.

Smudge had ransacked various books
for name, and as the sixth of the latest
edition of Smudge was indicative of toll
in the ranks of men, as the infant looked
strong-almost warlike-a great name
was the quest of its distracted parents
Mrs. S. wanted it named some Bible
character; Smudge suggested Samson
Goliah, which would typify strength ;
Mrs. s. leaned to Moses Samuel, emblem
atical of weakness.
Smudge had declared that he would
expose the child to the measles before it
should be nicknamed Nose or Sam. Then
he limited at Jonah but Mrs. S. would
listen to no such monogram. She didn't
want her child's name connected with
the fish story! Already they had named
a child Haman, and she was sure that he
would be hanged some day. Seeing that
no Scriptural name could be agreed upon,
she suggesten Omega, reminding Smudge
that they had named their first child Al
pha.
"You can't call this one Omega" said
Smudge. "Pll put the name away, and
when we want it I'll let you know. How
would Martin Luther dOY
"Pm Baptist, am, Smudge" retort-
ed Mrs. S., coloring. ~ don't want any
Lutheran names in this house. For your
mothers sake allowed one of my chill
dren to be called Jonathan Wesley. She
don't poke any Methodist names on me
again. If Luther had been Baptist, the
name might do. There's Roger Williams.
Roger Williams Smudge would sound
well. He could write il r. Williams
Smudge, you see."
"But he never WILL" cried the parent
with determination. Roger Williams
was Baptist, and you know, Mrs.
Smudge, that don't lean that way. I'd
sooner call him Tom Paine"
"Call him Tom Paine and I'll kill him
before he's weaned"
"You like Puritans, Mrs. Smudge.
Call him Miles Standish."
"NO, sir! l don't want my child to
grow up with any such outlandish name.
You called our second boy Plymouth
Rock Smudge, and that name will kill
him before he votes. No more Puritan
names"
you're the confoundedest particular
woman / ever saw" retOrted Smudge.
eff it had been girl we would have
called her Cleopatra Octavia."
"No, we wouldn't. Our fourth girl
now grOans nnder the name of Olympia
Tarpei. 1t will make her an old maid.
Let's compromise, Smudgc. You like
strong name-Goliah, for instance-I
Baptist one. Let's call the baby Roger
w. Goliah Smudge"
"Put the Bible name first"
"I won't do it'll
The xyo,n coll - onp,afb;no a1oa
"My fathers name was Joshua Gid
con-" meekly suggested Mrs. S.
"What do l care if it was? None of
my children shall be called after any of
your relatives. That's settled. Let's
fall back on late name-Garibaldi, for
instance"
"Or Bonaparte."
(Which one?"
"Napoleon the Third"
"No; l won't have him called Napo-
leon."
"Then you shan't call him Garibaldi,"
retorted Mrs. S., firmly. "Smudge, you
are the thickest individual 1 ever lived
with. You won't listen to anything l
"Then call the boy Daniel Webster.
1 always admired the old statesman"
"Our family shan't be disgraced by a
Whig name," said Mrs. Smudge. "La-
fayette is great, good name"
Smudge thought; he was on the eve of
suggesting the name of the great French
man himself.
"He must have middle name."
Lafayette Williams" says Mrs. S.
"There's your old Baptist name again!
/ tell you Roger Williams shan't in any
form hang to that boys coat tail"
"Then you shan't call him Lafayette"
And thus the quarreling over the
christening continued for six mortal
hours Finally the affair was settled.
Smudge's sixth baby is to face the world
with the simple cognomon of John
Smudge.