The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-11-07

LOOKING Our FOR Row The
United States Chief OF Ordnance is
evidently anxious to take stock in the
next war that may be moving around
anywhere. In his annual report, it
seems he favors an accumulation Of
500, 900 OF the Springfield breech load
ing arm, as o measure of economy"
and a 'reserve in case of war" Eve
~ years delay" he urges, ''is fraught
with danger" and "an increase in tue
appropriation for arming and equip.
ing the whole body of the militia ,s
again brought to the attention Of Con
gress. OF course, it is right and pru-
dent to be on the safe side, but ut pre-
sent it is difficult to understand what
has excited General Benet. The At
torney General. who is now special
commander Of the army aud navy. may
have been giving him some Of his high
military inspiration on the strength Of
Merrill's reports from Louisiana, and
Hester's from Alabama. or McDuwelI's IS
general report, which conveys the
rn.,ldeuiug intelligence that within
twelve months one United States sol
dier has been slightly injured by the
detested Southern white mnn. II it il
IN outside war. we'll may We ask,
"Where is tho cnemy?" Probably the
manufacturing interest Involved Is also
III highly excited and prophetic hu-
NOR, aud 5000. 600 year for eigh: or
ten years would prove extremely sooth-
lug aud l,ncilicator!.
The AVERAGE BARBER -Ha is in q.
state Of persplratiou and is greasy; he
wears paper collar; his fingers are
pudgy and his nails are in mourning,
evidently for solue near rciutlon; he
suips and snips away, pinching your
jaw until you think he must have cut
off enough hair to ill IL mattress. lie
always says: Shampoo, sil ?" to which
you say. NO" aud he says. Eel.
| si, p to Which yon reply. "N"" Two
ociaves higher. "HrndS very dirty,
sni;' TO which. if you have experience.
you respond: Il always have it so. "
and cut of further lcbute Bat he
has his revenge. He druwS his fingers
i'll II pot of axle-grruse, scented with
nask and age. and before you eau di-
vine his fearful intent. snaars It all
over your head, aud rubs it in until
you look like All animated gan Swab
Then he showers weak bay rum down
your back and over yonr SHIRT, inge-
nionslF arrangps your locks in u way
that would muke Socrates look like i,
thunder blasted idiot, and collects his
| stipend with III air OF virtnuus conde-
sccnsiOn. A. yon put your hat OH, You
arc assaulted hy II small boy with Il
large brush. who pnnchDs yUn in the
| abdomen with tho straw :.n.l, raps yOnr
ribs with the hauli", aud conducts his
mO7emont, with such mnsterly strategy
that you must fall over him or pitiubIy
brlbe him with ten cents to let yum
out.
How is it thut girls can always tell IL
| married man from single one? The
faot is indispntable. Blackwooi says
that "the fact of mntrimony or bache-
lorship is written so iegibly in il man 8
appearance, that no ingenuity can con
ceal it, Everywhere there Is some in-
explicable instinct that tells US whe.
ther an individual {whose name. for.
tune and circumstances are totally uu-
KNOWN ba or be- not married man.
Whether it is q certain subdued look,
such AZ that whieh chArncterizes the
lions In menagerie, aud distinguishes
them from the lords of the desert, we
cannot tell; but that the truth is SO, we
positively affirm"