The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-03-13


| ly and quickly restore him as il
!. will his neighbor who is physical
| " tired. His best sleep is in the
early morning. when all the nerv
Gus excitement has passed away
and he is in absolute rest.
sPLINTERS.
Rooted sorrow-An aching
tooth.
A great hsrdship-An iron
steamer. So
Why should artists drink painti
Because It suits their palate.
As twice eleven is twenty-five,
how can twice ten be twenty too?
The Oxford, Me-, Democrat
| gives 3 dish-lifter as an induce
ment to Subscribers.
Tine is short and 4 yo1r cross
be heavy remember you have not
far to carry it.
The Boston Post records an en-
tire absence of sunstrokes for the
month of December.
A New York establishment ad.
vertises "Perfumed milk bath for
the complexion"
Our nervous editor, whenever
he gets excited, goes into the COM
posing room--and becomes "eom-
posed"
A poor family in Green Bay had
to mortgage their six dogs last
week to get a barrel Of -four. The
case is pitable.
The great difference between
Byron and Burns in early youth
was that the one WAS O Harrow
boy and the other a plowboy.
Waynesborough, Pa, boasts of
haunted distillery, which is just
the place where one would natur-
ally look for spirits.
A Sioux city hotel has a black
and tan dog that killed q thous-
and rats in a month. This is 8
good puff for the dog, but is hard
on the hotel.
An exchange says: "keep an
eye out for the early resumption
Of payment" Both our eyes are
already out looking for it, and so
are our elbows.
The Metropolitan Hotel at Chi
cago has q full complement of
boarders, but no landlord, he hsv-
ing skipped the town." and left
for parts unknown.
The foreigners have caught the
infection, and the very peaks Of
the Alps are being daubded with
the mammoth lettered advertise
ments of Parisain shopkeepers.
"Wor-ukm exclaimed q North
Corolinian when offered 3 job;
do you s'pose I'd wor-uk, mister,
when coon tracks are as thick IS
grass bladesf'
A pack of wolves in Sherbourne
county, Minnesota, chased q coup
lie of lawyers five miles, and the
New Orleans Republican thinks it
showed q lack Of professional
courtesy.
One can judge something of
the patience of Hoosiers from the
statement of an Indiana paper
that twenty men handled over
thirty-five cords of wood to get at
a rabbit.
A San franciscan being annoy
ed by q mud puddle in the street,
reported that he had lost a $50
piece therein, where upon the pool
was speedily emptied by eager
seekers after the money.
Some one has been looking over
the records of the Legislature OF
West Virginia and finds that at its
last session it passed a law ''to
prevent the owners Of hogs from
running ct large"
A reporter on an Iowa paper
wrote: Yesterday morning, Win
ter and Spring kissed each other
in the sunrise, and each spread its
choicest favor on the purple air"
He was married next day.
An editor, who speaks with the
air of q man who has discovered O
new fact by experience, says that
the new way to prevent bleeding
at the nose is to keep your nose
out of other peoples business.
A German enthusiast, while
Carlyle's Frederick the Great"
was issuing from the press, bought
a house in London and embarked
in the heroic enterprise Of render
ing it into German. He persisted.
If you don't see what you want,
ask for it, is posted up IN conspic
uous place in o Logansport gro
gerry. A native stepped into the
establishment last week. He saw
the card and remarked: 81 want
q ten dollar bill, and I don't see it, "
'sNeither do l." was the laconic
reply.
Said Lord John Russell to
Hume, at q social dinner, What
do you consider the object of legis-
lation?" "The greatest good to
the greatest number "What do
you consider the greatest numberf"
continued his lordship. Number
one, my lord" was the prompt re-
ply.
A sailor dropped out Of the rig
ging Of ship Of war, some fiftee n
or twenty feet, and fell plumb on
the head of the first lieutenant
"Wretch /" said the officer, after he
had gathered himself up. "Where
the deuce did yeu come from
"An', sure I came from the North
OF Ireland. yer honor"
The Brooklyn Eagle says thai
young printers are smart enough
for anything. Master John Brock
usually called Johnny Brock, aged
seventeen, and an apprentice IN
the Office of the Colubus, Ga, In
quirer, Las eloped with and beer
matrimonially Joined to Miss
Mary Ogletree, aged sweet sixteen
The Christian Intelligencer OBJ
serves that the great need at pres
emit in our treatment Of s.the Indi
ans" is Just that patiece which !
7 strong and wise parent viii displa!
, in the government of his children
|, Thev have gone through the Vsries