South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-12-04

A teacher questioning little boys about the
graduation in the scale Of being, asked ''What
comes next 10 man p whereupon little shaver !
who was evidently smartng under sense of
previous defeat Immediately distanced all com
petitors by promptly shouting "fiis shirt |
ma'arn 90
"A writer in the St. Paul Press tells a new
story Of Horace Greeley. Horace wrote a note
to brother editor iu New York " hose writing
was equally illegble with his own. The recipi |
emit Of the note not being able to read it, sent i,
back by the same messenger 10 Mr. Greeley for
elucidation. Surprising it to be the answer TO
his own note, Mr.. Greeley looked over it but
likewise was unable to read it, and said to the
boy go take it back what does the fool
mean?" eyes" said the boy "thlt is just
what he says"
-"What do you mean ?" inquired an inquisi-
tive lady of n facelious lawyer, ''by the term
putting leading question p" "When | ofrer |
you ny arm, dear, said the learned gentleman
suitiug the action 10 the word.
1t a solemn thing very solemn thing
TO get married to feel that heuceforih through
life the mild-eyed girl at your side is to ne the
only female in the wide world duly licensed to
throw nit-irons at your head.
-Apropos OF the Tyndall-Dnrwin theories comes
in one OF Gen. SLcnchs lates, stories That he
told to the wife Of a British cabinet officer who
assured him that England made America III
that she is" pardon me. ma dam, said the
General -'you remind me Of the answer Of the
Ohio lad in his teens, who, attending sunday
School for the FIRST time, was asked by the teach
or, who made you q Made meg yes
why, God made me about 50 13ng, (ho'diug
bis hands about ten inches aparV, but grow
ed the rest
-"Did my client enter into a positive agree
mont to marry you ?' ''Not exactly" size re-
piled; 'but he courted me good deal, and he
told my sister that he intended to marry into
our family
They tell tough story about two saeacious /
mules out in Virginia City Nevada The mules
were as good rs can be made Hank Blanchard
their owner, was driving them one day, with
friend -Penn-in the wagon. The mules came
TO place and stopped, and refused to move n
step further. They both looked toward the
roadside. Hank looked, too. and saw what was
The matter with The mules There was q sign I
there which real, clay S53 a ton" the regu-
lar price being S25. Hank got out Of the wa
son, went and talked to the man Of tie sign
and came back and told Pagan that he had or
dered ten tons of that hay at greatly reduced
rates, and that his mules might consider them
q in pl. 10
the mules tIotcd briskly Of
A certain parish .schoolm ,slcr,in the south
Of Scotland was much annoyed 10y the obtuseness
Of one Of the pupils in committing to memory
the mcrical version Of the Psalms Of David, a
portion OF which is generally allotted to each pu.
piI as Sunday task. One Monday morning
Tam, as usual was unable to rel eat even the |
smallest portion of his psalm Turning 10 the
class the master inquired if any of them had seen
Tam on the previous day, or if they knew how
he employed his time. This appeal for informn-
ton was at once answered by q chorus of voices:
one boy calling out that he saw him "guddlinr'
miHnows in the mill burn another that he met
him seeking for birds nests a third caught BIN |
bathing in the linn-aud fourth saw him pes
tering his grandiathers ass down in tie mead
ows During this brief colloquy, however, Tam
found time to recall his scattered recolectlous
and he cut short further dispositions by starting
in n low and plaintiff tone his allotted psalm -
"Oh Lord, how are my foes increased
Against me many rise"
which he repeated to the end it is needless to
add that further proceedings against him were
stayed for that day
"A Frenchman Intending TO compliment
young lady by calling her gentle lamb, said
SHE is one mutton as is small "
Progression is the wa;chwoid Of the hour
Tut in Virginia, mothers haul their d,sob,dient
children over the knee and strike on the same
old spot that The Romans did three thousand
years ago.
- little girl remarked to her mamma on 60
ing to bed, ~ am not afraid Of the dark -
'No. Of course you are not, replied her mann
ma 'for it cannot burt you. "But. mamma
was lille afraid once, when went TO Tho
pantry in the dark 10 get q mrtu nWbot were
sou afraid or asked her mamma. ~ was Ne
haid couldn't fad the 'ar,s"
"A well dressed chap entered iovelry store
ar1 asked if De could see those cups In the win.
dow pointing NE spoke 20 some sIre. csrs
lined with gold in the window
These said The jeveor, handing BIN one.
oro race cups
Race cups What are race cups
W n.y. replied The jewccr they are cups or