The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-07-07
Took the Starch out Of Him.


S HE was fine old lady-one of the kind
~ who knew how to knit stocking, or
market the eggs of last weeks laying
Above all things on this earth, she detest-
ed that class of young people who think
themselves better than their fathers before
them, and it delighted her beyond measure
to take the starch out of them.
Being in the mood for visit to the city,
she got into the car on the Pennsylvania
Central, with an old-fashioned carpet-bag
and band-box, on her way to visit some
friends in the city.
As she took her seat her eyes rested upon
a young man with his hair parted in the
middle, dressed in gorgeous attire, with his
ambrosial locks highly scented, and his
clothes cut in the height of fashion-a per-
feet specimen of the young men who
lounge in the lobbies of theatres, and
operas, between the acts, and say, "au''
and "ya-as' when you speak to them.
1t happened that Aunt Jane knew this
young man, and that he knew her as we'll
was shown by the horrible manner in
which he regarded her.
"The sabes alive, John Henry she
said. "How du yew du p"
"Aul I'm pretty well, madam" he re-
piled, casting furtive glance about the
car to see that no one who knew him heard
her address him by that dreadful name
John Henry-he, who wrote his name ].
Henri Boone.
How's your father? the old lady per-
sisted. 81 du like your father, unfortinit
as he has been in dizziness knowed him
when he billed soap up at Tully, and I re-
member you when you was MT knee high to
grasshopper. Lordy, how you used to
tear the seat out of your pants %
"Ya-as but, madam"
"Don't madam me can't stand it,
Pm Aunt Jane Parker, and I've spanked
you off'n enough. The Lord knows you
needed it Dew you remember them yell
ler humspun pants give you, once upon
timer Your father was awful poor them
days, l helped him every way could. 1t
was drefful hard times for poor man tew
git along with dozen lazy young uns to
clothe and feed. Lots of johnnycake and
suet gravy them days. 1 dunno what he
would have done if it hadn" been for the
tater crap. That saved him, guess"
Ayoung lady just behind them, with
whom ]. Henri had been trying to flirt, at
this moment caught a glimpse of his hor-
rifled face, and covered her mouth with
her handkerchief. Her delicate frame
shook with emotion--or laughter it is hard
to tell which.
"What's your father a-dewin' now,
John Henry?" demanded Aunt Jane,
beaming upon him like seraph.
"He is in the iron business" replied
John Henry with despairing look.
$50 heerd, shoein' horses, amt heP ?"
j. Henri Boone begun to get uneasy in
his seat. What would the young lady
think of him? What would this scandal
GUS old female think of next? He felt a
shudder pass through his frame, for he
could not tell what she would hunt up
again.
"Good grashus p she said, breaking out
abruptly. How well member the time
yew went out to steal Squire Farley's mel
ons He lie ! it makes me larff when l
think of it," "You see Miss" she con-
tinued, addressing the young lady, che un-
dertuk tu run, and he got caught by the
slack ov his pants on picket, and there he
hung, like General Putnum, till Squire
Farley cum out, licked him awful, and TUX
him down. He was all stripes and bruises,
/ tell ye %
Madam" said ]. Henri, desperately,
81 don't remember any such circum-
stance"
Don't YEP Good grashus member
it as well as of it was yesterday. I've got
a powerful memory, John Henry 1
thought you went into the barber bizi-
ness ?"
"You are mistaken, madam. l am not
engaged in any low calling of that sort"
"Mebbe not. / did hear that ye left the
bizness becoz the customers sed you scrap
ed 'em so awful they couldn't stand it,"
Here the young lady laughed, without
any attempt at concealment.
"Wbat are ye dewin',i If may be so
bold as tew ask ?"
Madam, am an electic physician"
whats that?"
"a doctor, madam, doctor p roared