The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-09-19
NEW NoR'-WEsTERs.

"A square meal-a soda cracker.
The father of all corns-Pop corn.
Silence is the fittest reply to folly.
The family jar is frequently a jug.
How to consume time.-Eat dates.
Lip service-Tea cups and saucers.
4 Kit Carson's grave is sadly neglected.
Sorrows are the shadows of past joys.
The demi-god of the gold diggings-
/ Pan.
-"Gath" has an income Of $4,000 a
year.
Tho hardest thing to deal with-an old
pack of cards.
i'm Nevada they have called a new town
Nesthiding.''
AT what time was Adam married? On
his wedding Eve. J
AT Springfield, Mass, it only costs four
cents to bore gun-barrel.
Hope the best, get ready for the worst,
and then take what God sends.
-Buchanan's height was six feet OF q
little over; Lincoln's six feet four.
1t is stated on good authority that Mrs.
Tilton is to begin suit for divorce.
GA good workman is known by his
chips" and so is good poker player.
Tickling a mules left hind leg with q
tooth pick is said to be sure cure for dys-
pepsia.
VIII S. Hays, the composer has been
made an honorary member of prominent
musical society in Paris.
Marshal Bazaine had served only eight
months Of the twenty years imprisonment
to which he was sentenced.
There is said to be reaction against
Beecher i'll New York that reaches the
pewholders Of Plymouth itself.
According to the Philadelphia Bulletin,
guerrilla Mosby is not likely to become
distinguished as Paine-kller
The n. P. Land Office, for the Pacific
Division, has been removed from Kalama
to Tacoma, Washington Territory.
| If your sister fell into well, why
couldn't you rescue her? Because you
couldn't be brother and assist her too.
A st. Louis obituary closes thus: He
leaves wife and five children, but had q
suit for divorce pending in the Circuit
| Court.
- A Milwaukee man stated that he real
ly needed some active regular exercise. A
friend suggested that lie mix his own cock
tails
An enthusiastic admirer of Goldsmith
Maid has pulled two hairs from the great
tlotter's tail, and intends to have them
woven into ring.
Amid all the diseomforts and pains and
trials Of this life, it is great consolation
to a man to know tItsst l4v iIDe tiUsUI Deeii
IIIIAUtt up rvo.hcr-Tiltvu business.
All! if the thoughtess Bessie had not
frightened the loving Susan from Theodores
lap, what a striking Illustration there would
have been of winter lingering in the lap of
spring.
What is to become of Bogy, United
States Senator, now that the Missouri Dem
ocracy has adopted a platform diametrical-
ly opposed to his views? lie ought to re-
sign, but that is the last thing he will do.
-Rochefort proposes photographing his
LanterBe in miniature, as they did dispatches
during the siege of Paris, and, in the same
way, scattering it through France by means
of carricr-pigeons.
in Canada this summer a pony was
driven on wager eighty y-one miles in eleven
hours and twenty minutes in one continuous
straight heat; and yet they say there is no
cruelty on race-courses!
"A spread-eagle barber announces that
he is g Professor of Crinicultural Abscision
and Craniological Tripsis." 1t is not often
that four such high-priced words get into
a single sentence.
Little Johnnie is dead, but before his
spirit was waited to the angels he requested
that watermelon vine might be allowed
to wander over his green grave, that it
might be a warning to future generations.
When the Arkansas census-taker next
goes around he will find Peter Dayton
missing from earth. The old man found
package and threw it on to the fire to see
if it was powder or sand. 1t wasn't sand.
An artistic grouping of the various mon
etary views adopted by the different Demo
cratic Conventions, held during the past
six weeks, would constitute the champion
political mosaic of is, or any other age
Argms.
They say that if you want a free fight
while travelling in the far West, you must
find granger whose fields have been de-
vastated by grasshoppers, and congratulate
him on having disposed of his crop without
the intervention Of mitdlemen.
Gen. P. G. 7. Beauregard has been ap-
pointed chief engineer of the Argentine
Republic. at an annual salary of $40, 900 in
gold. He is to have charge of the defensive
works of the government, and will superin-
tend the explorations of the Plata River.
He viii sail from New York in few days.
The embalming process upon the body
of President Lincoln gave signs, before his
burial, indicating that it was unsuccessful.
But the tomb Of the martyred President
was recently opened to allow his remains to
be viewed by a number Of prominent gem
tlemen, and the body, according to report,
is as perfect as the day it was inferred.
The merriest monarch in the world is
Victor Emmanuel; the finest looking, Kaiser
Billy; the most stuck up, Alexander H., of
Russia; the thickest- headed, Francis Joseph
Of Austria; the most Republican, Leopold,
of Belgium; the richest, Peter IT., Of Brazil;
the most amiable, Christian k, of DEN
mark. the Youngest Oscar IL of Sweden