The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-03-06
MISCELLANEOUS.

Sfoctober 1854 and It's publica.
tinn ia thu sEseHte haQks gsk- Egs
I've. s5sss-
- MISCELLANEOUS.
/ 81 .#EE&
How to make q slow horse fast
Don't feed him.
A Circuit Coart-The longest
way home from singing-school.
The editor OF a weekly paper
Gays: "There has been another
burglary in town since our last
The presest fashionable items Is
manufactured out of old ladies of
l03 or 80, who can thread needles.
A butcher recently found o
shswl-pin In a COW he was cutting
up into steaks. It Is supposed the
animal had swallowed q milkmaid.
The Yellowstone expedition,
comprising one hundred and fifty
men and twenty wagons, started
from Virginia City, Montana, on
Thursday last.
A supeFannuated minister says,
~ have been guilty of doing one
thing for which the church viii not
forgive me: l have grown old"
Somebody says one-legged sold
iers should be remembered.
[Somebody said this years ago.
Can somebody" be indIcted?l
An Iowa gentleman recently shot
Q postmaster for refusing to lick q
postage stsmp for the amiable and
accomplished wife Of the shooter.
Justice Haines, of Chicago, has
decided that editors are profession.
al men, and that their scissors,
paste pot, etc. cannot be seized for
debt.
Adam had one consolation when
he fell. Fifteen or twenty acquain.
tances didn't stand on the opposite
corner and laugh at his mishap.
The bee-keepers have failed TO
determine how much honey q sim
gle bee produces in q year. This
important subject shonid not be
Overlooked.
eyes my hearers" said a Wis
consin minister, "little Johnny
Glenn skAted into heaven by way of
an air.hole on Grass Lake. and he
Is happy now
a man writes To All editor for
foar dollars, because he Is so terri
bly, short" and gets in reply the
heartless response: "Do as I do
stand upon a chair"
Thsre are two reasons way some
people don't mind their own bus
tness. One is that they haven't any
business, and the other il that they
haven't any mind.
Two hearts that beat as one are
singularly oblivious to mud. We
never knew q man In love to CIR
eulate q petition for q new pave
ment or an additional lamp-post.
The following advertisement Is
posted near . Western depot on the
front Of small restaurant
Lunch twenty-five cents; dinner
nfty; 9 real gorge, seventy-flve
cents"
"What 8 beautiful soft summer
sky said q young lady of good
taste, when she saw our premium
| chrome, s'Persenborg." This il
what the Rome, n. Y, Sentinel
says.l
The editor of the Troy Whit
asks his Satan Chow many scru
pies there should be to drsehm :
and ali the little wretch answered
was that arithmetic wouldn't warn
bis stomach in water.
Bookkeeping may be taught in {
single lesson Of three worde-Nev.
er lend them.
i The frat thing . promising you'll
said to Q dog presenting his nose q
his heels, was: "Go aways ID,
SON think I'm Q bone 2"
! For pure grit and long-eontinue,
patience you ought to 60 to Toledo
a young lady Ia that town ha
sent 1l6 pieces Of poetry to q news
paper, and though all haye been re
jected, she Is struggling with an
other.
Chester Pike broke his leg i
! Concord and was carried home
His wife was frightened, and j
running to meet him fell over
dog breaking her arm. Now If "
could only ind ont what hsppene
: to the deg.
A little girl asked o minIsts
"Do you think my father will go
heaEen 2" "Why, yes, my chilli
Why do you ask 2" Well. becsus
4 If he don't have his own way Their
he won't stay long. I was thinking
4 The shortest and surest. way [
I live with honor in the world, Is
4 be in reality what you would 81
i / pear to be-; and II We observe, v
shall find that all human virtues II
crease and strengthen themselEl
> By the practice and experienee
: them. 5s..t st.-f .5sl
II As Tweed was sitting with b
fellow convicts at dinner, some
. the ceiling of the room sudden
II fell. The BlackwelPa Island do
j tor looked up and jokingiy- 9
q served, "Ehat must be some
10 Garyey's plsstering )" whereat &c
B. Vey's whilom ring partner SMILE
b sndibly-
/ The editor of the Atlanta, 6
n / E16fGt0 GE0WS IVY 446A.St AS%a
>r new that the local lottery IL oV'
= SAYS he has been euEed Of "drs,
ings," and in the future viii 80
u vote our entire energiess and q
v entire capital 70 the legitimate Il
IT provernent of the Herald IS q neF
D. papss.p
D. A Peoria naturalist, in atteml
, ing TO warm the ears OF 9 frog
Is wasp over Q gas Jet, discovered q
~ the tall Of the insect thawed {
"a | frst, and worked with . repid
IL that was aa astonishing Is the hi
ii lions profanity OF the natural
= lRbo held the insect by the
while thus experimenting.
The most appalling case OF de
-. tnees. that We ever came across Q
q side of a. asylnm was that of
2. Iold lady who lives just across
20 street from the Navy Yard.
us other day they fred salute
ae ItWenty-one guns The old Il