Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-03-04
SCARED OUT OF A WIFE.

The narrative OF which l am about to
write was told me one bleak cold night in
q country parlor. It was one of those nights
IN nlidwinter when the wind swept over
the land, making everything Jingle with its
frosty and keen treath, that / was seated
before a blazing fire, surround by jolly
half dozen boys and an old bachelor, Peter
Green, about 4o years.
It was just the night without to make
those within enjoy good story; so each
of rs had to tell a favorite story, save Mr.
Green, and as he was a jolly story-teller,
we were somewhat surprised to hear him
say: / have no story that would inter-
est you,n so we had to find other entertain
nents for a while, when one of the boys
told US to ask him how it happened that he
had never got married. So we did.
"Well, gentlemen" he began, h" it don't
seem right for me to tell how it happened,
but as it's about myself, don't care much.
You see when was young we had to walk
as high as five miles to church and singing
school, which was our chief enjoyment.
But this don't have anything to do with my
not getting wife, but | wanted to show
you that we had some trouble them days in
getting our sport.
John Smith and were like brothers, or
like &c Mary and her little lamb" Where
one went the other was sure to go. So we
went to see two sisters, and as we were not
the best of boys imaginable the old gentle
man took umbrage and wouldn't allow US
to come near the house so we would take
the girls to the end of the lane, and there
we would take the final kiss.
We soon got tired of that sort of fun, and
told John, on our way to singing school
one night, that was going home with
Sadie, and that was going into the house,
too.
He said thessold man would "cane me-"
if I did.
told him I was going to risk it anyhow,
como what would.
He said g he would risk it if I would
So home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end of the lane [
told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
They looked at each other in way I
didn't like any too well, but they said the
old folks would be in bed, so they didn't
care if we did.
They were little more surprised yet when
L told them we thought of going in while,
but as all was quiet when we got to the
house, we had no trouble in getting into the
kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court,
and made up my mind to ask Sadie to be
be my wife the next time came!
It was now past the turn of night, and
we had four miles to walk, I told john we
must be going. So we stepped out upon
the porch, but just as we did so, the sky
was lit up by lightning, and a tremendous
thunder peal rolled among the mountain
sides. It's echoes had not died out in the
far off wales until the rain began to pour
from the gaInered fullness of the pent-up
clouds. We waited for it to stop until we
were all sleepy, when the girls said we
should go to bed in the little room at the
head of the stairs which led out Of the
kitchen as their father didn't get up early,
we could be home before the old folks were
up. So after bidding the girls sweet good
night-and hugging them a ittle-and
wishing them pleasant dreams, and promis-
ing them to come back on next Saturday
night, we started for bed.
We didn't have far to go, as the bed stood
near the stairs, John was soon In bed, but
I was little slow, and 1ull of curiosity, I
set about to look around the room.
At last | thought | would sit down on a
chest which was spread over with a nice
width cloth, while drew off my boots. So
plump into custard pie!
I thought John would die laughing, for
ne said [ had smashed that oustard pie all
to thunder, and the plate right in two.
You see we had to be awful quiet so that
the old gent should not hear us.
was now ready to get in bed, SO [ put
out the light and picked up my boots,
thinking to put them in more convenient
place, when down my one leg went through
a pipe-hole, which had been covered with
paper, up to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs while
the loi gest part of me was in the kithen.
As my leg was very long it reached q
shelf which was occupied by dishes, pans
coffee-pots, etc., turning it over with a
tremendous ash.
The girls had not yet retired, and we
could hear them laugh fit to kill themselves
1 felt awful ashamed, and was scared un.
Til nv heart was in my throat, for expet t.
ed the old man every moment.