River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-01-13
WAVE TMaln anna the Nahlll,r.

The following letter was recentl,
addressed by Mark Twain to the Lon
don Morning Post, and that paper pub
fishes it MS curious specimen o.
transatlantic puifery:"
STR Now that my lecturing engage.
ment is drawing to its close, | find that
there is one attraction which | forgot
to provide, and that is the attendance
of some great member of the Govern
ment. Strictly speaking, did not re-
ally forget this or underrate its i'm.
portance, but the truth was Twas afraid
of it. was afraid of il for the reason
that those great personages have so
many calls upon their time that they
cannot we'll spare the time TO sit out an
entertainment, and | knew that If one
of them we're to leave his box and re-
tire while | was featuring it would seri-
ously embarrass me. find, however.
that many people think ought not TO
allow this lack TO exist longer: there
fore | feel compelled TO reveal o thing
which | had intended to keep secret.
! early applied to party at the East
End, who IS in the same line of bust
ness as Madame Tussaud, and he
agreed to lend me couple of
kings and some nobility, and he said
that they would sit out my lecture. and
not only sit it out, but that thew
wouldn't even leave the place when il
was done, but would just stay where
they were, perfectly infatuated, and
wait for more. So | made a bargain
with him at once, and was going to ask
the newspapers to mention, in the
usual column, that on such and such
an evening His Majesty King Henry
VIII. would honor my entertainment
with his presence, and that on such
and such an evening His Majesty Will
liam the C0nqueror would be present,
and that ON the succeeding evening
Moses and Aaron would be there, and
so on. ! felt encouraged now; an at
tendance like that would make my en-
tertalnment all that could be desired
and besides, | would not be embar-
raised by their going away before my
lecture was over. But now misfortune
came. In attempting to move Henry
VIII to my lecture hall the porter fell
down stairs and utterly smashed him
all to pieces in the course
OF moving William the Conqueror.
something let go and all The sawdust
burst out of him, and LIE collapsed and
withered away TO nothing before my
eyes. Then we collared some dukes.
but they We're so seedy and decayed
that nobody would ever have believed
in their rank; and so l gave them up,
with almost broken heart. In nv
trouble | had nothing in the world left
to depend on now but Just Moses and
Aaron, and | confess to you that il was
all | could do 10 keep the tears back
when | came to examine those two i'm.
ages and found that that man, in his
unapproachable ignorance, had been
exhibiting in Whltechapel for Moses
and Aaron what any educated person
could see at glance, by the ligature.
were only the Siamese Twins.
You see now, sir, that / have done
all that a man could do TO supply a
complained-of lack, and if l have failed
| think | ought TO be pitied, not
blamed. l wish / could ret king
somewhere, just only for little while,
and / would take good care of him, and
send MIN home, and pay the cab my
self. MARK TWAIN.
London December 10