The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-12-11
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

dreaming" Wake her mp and tell her
to get breakfast.
The hardest thing in tho world for
a man TO do is TO settle lawsuit when
he knows he's wrong.
A wife cannot be convicted Of re-
ceivinp stolen goods when she receives
them from her husband.
The young man who addressed n
young lady as tine prleseea5s ~ lib
soul" began life as a clam yender'
-"Died in a vain attempt to twist
the tail of a mule, is a western obituary
on the unfortunate subject OF q practiol
joke.
1t is pitiful sight 10 see the house
fy get out of bed these mornings ana
hang around the cook-stove to warm his
heels.
A late revision Of the pension Lists
| in France. show that there are still liv-
ing 1000 men who served under Ma
! poleon.
1t must make a man feel mean to
paw an old debt because he thinks he Is
| going TO die and then have the doctor
\ pull him through all right.
A man who has been travelling IN
the west says that he would as soon
| think of hugging a grizzly pear ~ OF
| striking an Arizona circuit preacher'
-" What's the use, in these days, IN
| trying TO be honest?" exclaimed
prumbler. "Oh, you ought 10 try It
once and see" retorted one Of his COM
panions.
-Ninetv-pipe men out OF q hundred
would rather face n mother inlaw in
II 81 NV-a ~ n IN
! climb into a dentists chair Tor hVe
minutes.
1t may be that ga woman IN Berlin,
Germany, has forty-nine children. ~
wouldn't dim one bright star IN the
shield of American freedom II she had
one hundred and forty nine.
-Douglas Jerrold, in his " Hedge
hog Letters" says that respectability
is all very we'll for folks who can have
it for ready money but to be Obliged
TO run in debt for it, is enough 10 break
the heart of an angel"
Howl, yo winter winds his roquiemi
Weep for him, yc summer rain
Ne'er that little back of his'n
Shall "get up" on Garth again.
els the Platte navigable for steam
boats ?" inquired q traveller in Union
man n short time ago. " "Navirable Tor
sfeamboats ?" replied the Nebraska
man "no, not even for light drait
ducks"
A Sioux chief offered 10 marry
celebrated authoress the other day. An
enthusiastic eyewitness reported that
her orbs stood out like the eve OF
frightened gazelle, and the blush OF her
cheek was as pink as the heart OF q pome-
granate.
AT Yonkers, N. Y, recently, party
assembled az the wake OF child, which
was supposed 30 have becG dead tOf
three days, discovered life IN the BODY.
Doctors we're sent for, and the child was
eventually brought back TO the land OF
the living.
A bright lad who commenced 20 go
to school for the first time on sept. ], ~
progressing wonderfully with his stud
les. He can mash flies between the
covers Of his books, and place crooked
pins on the boys seats with prohciency
seldom acquired in so short period.
A gentleman said 10 his gardener:
"George, tho time will come when
man will be able TO carry the manure
for an acre Of land in ono Of his waist
gONT-DOGkNlH.
replied: "I believe it, sir but he will
be able to carry all the crop in the 9th
er pocket"
A Lafayette, Indiana, mamma ac-
ressed her seventeen-year old girl with
a slipper because she wore a spiral elias
tic garter TO church. The girl thought
il was n necklace, and wore 10 M such,
while the old lady said she wouldn't
have any such nonsense in her family
on Sundays.
1t is a curious fact that while busi-
ness of every kind is depressed and the
wages Of labor are being considerably
reduced, the price Of billiards, and
boiled chestnuts, and opera tickets, and
horse hire, and sleeve buttons, and de-
viled crabs and other necessaries OF life
remain unchanged.
Eight hundred aud thirty young
girls applied at the Grand opera house
in New York, the other day, in answer
TO an advertisement for one hundred
Young ladies TO dance in the ballet.
Many of them were beautiful, and
among the number we're six who had
taught school and had given music les
sons.
-"Twice one is won" repeated an
urchin in an absent-mlndeu way.
"What !" cried his father "have
spent no much money on your educa-
ton with no better results than that
Twice one is two, SIR" "Well, dad,
replied the young hopeless, 81 viii
admit that You are right, from one
standpoint but, with all due defer
ence TO you as my paternal progeni-
tor, must beg leave 20 maintain that,
when win two one-dollar bills on n
horse race, twice one is won."
Go to the carrier pigeon, thou glut-
ton learn it's ways and be wise.
" When travelling it never feeds. III
the distance be long, il flies on without
TO take nutriment, and at last
arrives thin, exhausted, almost dying.
II corn be presented to IL, it refuses,
contenting itself with drinking little
water and then sleeping. Two hours
later, il begins to eat with great mod
Grafton, and sleeps again Immediately
afterwards. If its flight has been very
the pigeon will proceed in
this manner for forty-eight hours be-
fore recovering its normal mode OF