The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-03-04
Gossip and Gleanings.

''What is the best recipe for nose bleed ?'-
j. x.
Hit it against something,
The sands of woman's life run out all the
quicker when her waist is shaped like an
hour-glass.
An Irish lover remarked that ''it' s very
great pleasure to be alone, especially when
your sweetheart is wild yep
The placidity of expression worn by man
who is 'Next," in a full barber shop, cannot
be counterfeited.
An organ .grind~--wrrn IAN nac, nid
gloves. ETC., was the sensation on the streets
at the West-end, Boston, the other day.
s'Wor-ukv' exclaimed North Carolinian
when offered job; ''do you s'pose I'd
wor-uk, mister, when coon tracks are as thick
as grass bades?'
We hear from the West that philosopher
has extracted the following reply from a
school boy to the query. How is the earth
divided, my lad9'' '.By earthquakes, SIR"
The young ladies ofPhiIadelphia hang out q
redflag when they want tokeep their crimping
pins in all day. The young men say "small-
pox'' and stay away.
A.-"What handsome lady that is-the
one who is so sweetly smiling" B.-''But
she reminds me of comb" A.-"Why?"
B.-"Because she shows all her teeth"
A passenger by rail, aroused fiom serene
slumber by the footing of whistle, ex-
claimed, "The train has caught up with
those cattle again."
Mrs. Marrowfat is still pondering that par
agraph she saw in paper the other day,
that two men will sit and chat together
whole evening without discovering each
others age.
A young lady sends us word that she "run
needle through her foot" and she "don't
want it put in the paper" The young lady
need not be alarmed, we have no disposition
to put her foot in the paper.
An Irishman who: had just landed, said,
'sThe first bit of meat that ever ate in this
country was roasted potato, boiled yester-
day; and if you don't believe me can show
it to ye, for have.it in my pocket"
| What will not woman do for the man she
| loves:
Her hand was first to reach and drag
The bottle from the shelf
"It is your curse, dear john" she said'
And drank 1t up herself.
An ambitious young lady was talking very
loudly about her favorite authors, when litr
erary chap asked her if she liked Lamb. With
look of ineffable disgust. she answered that
sho-nared very little about what she ate,
compared with knowledge.
A raw countryman, gazing at garden in
the vicinity of Boston, in which were several
| marble statues exclaimed: "Just see what a
| waste! Here's no less than six scarecrows in
| this ten-foot patch, and any one OF them
| would keep the crows from five-acre lot!'
One of the ornaments, picked out for the
| coming bonnet is the Russian pompon. 1t IS
of several colors nicely blended and stands
| upriobt from the side of the headgear like an
| Illuminated cornstalk. OF course it will be
fashionable. Anything imported and with as
bi-b-soundipg a name as Russian pompon''
cannot fail to be.
The man who answered an advertisement
to the following effiHt had his curiosity salts
fed: eff you would learn to make home hap
py, send so cents in postage stamps to A.
B." etc. Upon rec, ,pt of postage stamps
A. B. replied, "You T home would be more
happy if you were les frequently there"
The Albany Journal says that the largest
law office ia that city is now governed BY
the following rules, to which it is said every
body who enters con form rs; l Gentlemen
entering the office will leave the door wide
open. 2. Those having no business should
remain as long as posi- BILE, tai: chair ant
lean against the WALL. it will preserve it. 8
Gentlemen are reque sted to SIN, oke, especially
during business horirs; tobacco will be iif
nished. 4. Jack-k, sives will be suppiied -
persons desiring to. pass away the s%. ,. -, =,
whiting the des 1s and chairs. ar,an, r.
the floor. as the spittoons are for orna'nens'
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