The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-11-08

DECEIT OF SoNe WRITER'S. The man
who wrote Home. Sweet Home.
never had home.-Ecchdnge
No, Of course not. All his folks at
home say he didn't. Nobody who
writes about anything ever had it. II
man is out of anything he imme-
diately goes aud writes about it. No
man writes so many headings" as the
man who is out of his head.
Certainly he didu't ever have any
home. The man who wrote the "Old
Arm Chair" never had al arm chair in
all his life. Tho best ho had was an
old split-boitom chair without any
back to it.
The author of Take Me Back to
Switzerland, never was in Switzerland.
The nearest be ever camo to it waa sit.
ting in the William Tell saloon, eating
Switzer kase-kase why, that was the
best he could do.
"Mother, I've Come Home to Die, u
has not spoken to the old woman for
years, and wouldn't go near the house.
Besides, he is of that ciass of spiritu
alists who don't believe they will ever
die. His health was never better.
His mother is nothing but mother
in-law, and she is dead, anyhow.
There is the author Of "Old Oaken
Bucket" too. There wasn't bucket
on the old farm. water being drawn
with tin pail aud cistarn pole.
''If Had But Thousand Year"
stated privately to his friends that he
would be contented with hulf that
sum, as he was doing chores for his
boord and three months schooling in
the winter.
The author OF "Champagne Char
ley" never drank anything but 10 cent
whiskey.
The man who wrote "Mary Had Il
Little Lamb" knew very well that il
was nothing but little lamb fry.
''Shells of Ocean" is humbug.
The plaintiff poet, who represents
himself as wandering. one summer
eve, with sea-beat thought, on pen
sive shore. was raised in the interior
Of Pennsylyenie, and never was ten
miles away from home in all his life
Gathered Shells" did he? All the
shells he ever gathered were some
egS.ehe!!s back of his mothers kitchen.
"Hark, I hear the Angels Sing. F"
spent all his evenings in q beer saloon.
Angels. indeedl
The man who wrote the ''Song of
the Shirt" hadn't shirt to his back,
wearing wampus for the most part.
"Ott in the Silly Night" used to
get on spree and make the Silly
night howl till daylight.
The author of 1--WE Met by Chance"
knew very we'll it was arranged before.
hand. He had been weeks contriving
lt-and she admired his contrivance.
The author of II Know Bank, I"
&c.. did not know one where he could
get his note discounted The only
check he ever held was white check
on faro bank. He never held red
check in ali his life.
"What are the Wild Waves Saying?"
knew very we'll they were reproducing
him for running away from Long
Branch without paying his hotel bill.
"Who Will Care for Mother Now?"
Who. indeed? You took the old wo.
man to the poor house just before
writing the song. and there is nobody
but the poormaster to care for her
low.
Hear Me. Norma" was deaf and
dumb. He couldn't make his pa hear,
nor ma
''My Mother, Dear" nsei to thrash
the old woman within an inch of her
life.
The author Of "Ruin on tue Root"
always slept in the basement, except
when no slept ont Of doors.
''Let Me KISS Him for His Mother"
got mad because his mother wouldn't
Lave him, and whipped her little boy
within m inch of his life.
ISL Dreamt I DweIt in Marble Halls
used to cheat ut marbles when q bov,
and his dream was horrid nightmare,
brought on by the remorse ut the re-.
collection Of fraudulent marble, hands.
I'm Sndicst When I Sing" was
t!.kied almost to death if Invited to.
Happy be Thy Dreams" sold ben
zina wl'skey. You cun fancy what
Find of dreams were produced.
The medical society Of the city ami
r.