Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1874-12-25
THE PATrryr WEE

She's a little bit Of a woman, all pa
thence and sunshine, and I'd spoil the best
silk hat that money could buy for the priv
ilege Of lending her my umbrella in rain
storm.
She's married, and she's got an old rhi-
nOceros of husband. he makes it prac-
tee to come home tight at IL o'clock every
other night, and has for years, and he can't
remember that she ever gave him a cross
word about It. When he falls into the hall
she Is waiting to close the door and help
him back to the sitting-room, where a good
fire awaits him. She draws off bis boots,
unbuttOns his collar, helps him off with
his coat, and all the time she is saying:
"PoOT Henry How sorry am that you
had this attack of vertigo. I'm afraid that
you will be found dead by the roadside
some night -
''Whazzer mean BY verzig07" he growls.
But she helps him off with bis vest, and
pleasantly continues: L-[t
aTm so glad you got home all right. /
hope the day viii come when you can pass
more Of your tina at home. II Is dreadful
how your business drives YOU"
"What Business Whaz yer talking
'bout?" be replies.
"POOr one; how hot your head Isl" she
continues, and presently he breaks down
and weeps and 5xclaims:
@Yez Zur-zic's 'Orse-wearing zelf out
fhast's can-wishZi was deadl'
Next morning she never refers to the sub
ject, but pleasantly inquiries how he slept,
and if his mind is clear. His boots may be
missing, and he yells out: r..
"Whsr'n thunder's my boots?"
"Right here, my dearP' she replies; and
she hands them out, all nicely BACKED up.
If she wants dress or hat or a cloak,
and he yells out that housshold expenses
are eating him up, she never ''sasses" him
back, nor tells him that she could have
married Congressman, nor declares that
she will write to her mother and tell her
just how il is.
4'That's SO, my dear-times are hard, > she
says, and she gets UP just as good dinner
as if he had left her $50.
He may come home tight at supper time,
but she is not shocked. She remarks that
it is an unexpected pleasure to have him
home so early, and she pretends not to no
tice his stupid look. He sees three chairs
where there is but ole, and in trying TO sit
down he strikes the floor like the fall of
derrick.
"Whazzer jaw That chair way fO.?" he
yells; and she replies:
ats that hole in the caTpet-I knew you
would STUMBLED" and she helps him up and
brings him strong cup Of tea.
They do not keep a servant, and when
cold weather came she never thought of
planking herself down in a chair opposite
him and saying:
"NoW, then, you'll either get up and
LIGHT the fires or there won't be any lighted
mark that, old bald-head "
No; she didn't resort to any such base
and tyrannical measures. When daylight
comes she slips out Of bed, makes two fires,
warns his socks, and then, bending over
him, she says:
"Arise, darling, and greet the festive
morn,'
He's sick sometimes, and I've known that
woman 20 coax him for two straight hours
to take the doctors medicine, turn over his
pillow twenty-five times, keep wet clota
on his head, pare his corn down, a. then
wish that she had quail TO make him
some soup. When be gets into fight
downtown and comes home with his ears
bitten up and his nose pointing to the north
east, she inquiries how the horse happened
to run away with him, and she says she is
so thankful that he wasn't killed. She has
an excuse for anything, and she neyer adj
mits that anyone but herself is TO blame
about anything LOT' bless her--I hope
she'll slip into heaven and never be asked
a question.