The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1874-08-20
TOLEDO, TAMA COUNTY, iowa THURSDAY, AUGUST 20 1871

l
me; and; above Ill. the cause fot which had de-
Voted my life seemed tmperiled. 1t seemed TO
me that my life-work WAS to end abruptly atd IN
cusation and the evils which must necessarily
now from it, aud which now have resulted from
it, has been one Of the leading motives that must
explain my action during these four years
with reference to this matter. 1t in such a
sore-distresscd cofdition that Monlton found
sidered that had been seeking Ttons down
fall: that had leagued with Mr.. Bowen against
him, and, by my advice, came near destroying
his family. did not need any argument or per-
suasion to induce me TO do and say anything
which would remedy the injury of which then
believed had certainly been the occasion, if not
the active cause: hut Moulton urged that, having
wronged Tilton SO, the wrong meant his means
| Of support suddenly taken away, his reputation
his family destroyed, and that had done it. He
assufcd me OF his own knowledge that the stories
| which had heard Of Tilton's impurities of life
and which had believed and repeated to Bowen,
were all false and that Titon had been faithful
lief OF what he said, and felt convinced of
the slander in its meanest form. He drew pic
tnre of Tilton wronged in reputation, position,
and purse, shattered in his family where he would
otherwise have found refuge, and at the same
time looking upon me ott Of his deep distress;
and WITH ample means N He drew Us' he ustpe 9pra, "
my prosperity, overnoYing and abonnding. and
Tilton's utter degradation. / was Most Intensely
danger Of giving away; walked up and down the
room, pouring forth my heart in the most unre-
strained grief and bitterness Of sefaccusation.
telling what my ideas were of the obligation Of
friendship and of the sacredness OF the house
| hold, denying. however, an Intentional wrong,
saying that, il l had been the cansc, however
! could forgive myself, and heaping all the blame
on my head. The case as it then appeared to
my eyes was strongly against me. My old friend
and fellow-worker had been dspossessed of his
eminent place and influence and had ceunseled
It; his family had wellnigh been broken up,
and had advised it; his wife had been long sick
\ a n brpL Lpni in anA hudy and I I
| believed, had been the catise of all this wreck
by continuing that blind heedlessness and friend
ship which had beguiled her heart and had reused
her husband into a fury Of jealousy, although not
caused by any intentional act of mine, and
should coldly defend myself, should pour in
| dighation upon this lady; should | hold her up
| To contempt as having thrust her affections upon
me unsought; should tread upon the man and
| his household in their great adversely! | gave
vent to my feelings without measure. | dis
claimed with great earnestncss any intent to
! harm Theodore in his home or his business, and
with inexpcable sorrow both blamed and de
| Tended Mrs; Titon i'll one breath.
Mr.. Moutoh Was apparently affected by my
| soliloquv, for ii that rather than convefsa-
ton. He said that if Tilon could really be per
snaded of the frendliness of my feelings toward
| him he sure that there would be no trouble in
| procuring reconciliation. gave him leave to
state to Theodore my feelings He proposed that
| should write Il letter. declined. but said that
he could report our interview. He then prepared
| to make "A memorandum of the talk. and sat down
at my table and took down, as supposed, cop-
h.
ing out my wounded feelings over the great desc
lation in Tilton family. 1t was not dctation
OF sentence after sentence, he mere amanucnsls
and composing for him. Mr.. Moulton was put
ting into his own shape parts of that which was
saying in my own manner with profuse explana
tons. This paper of Moul, 'ns was mere
memorandum of points TO be used by him in
setting forth my feelings. That it contains mat
ter and points derived from me is without
doubt, but they were put into sentences by
him, and expressed as he understood them, not
as my words but as hints of my figures and let
tiers to be used by him in conversing with Tilton:
He did not read the paper to me- nor did read
it; nor have ever seen ii or heard il read that
| remember, until the publication of Tiltons re-
cent documents; and now reading it, see in it
thoughts that point to the matter of my DISCOURSE
but 1t is not my paper. nor are those my sen
tences, nor is 1t correct report OF what said. 1t
Is string of hints. hastily made by an un
practiced writer as helps to his memory in repre-
sentiDg to Tflton how felt toward his family
II more than this be claimed; If 1t be set forth as
in any proper sense my letter. then disown it
particularly that in which am made to say that
l had obtained Mrs. Tilton's forgiveness. l
never could have said, even in substance.
l had not obtained asked any for
that had done SO. Neither could ever have
! said that humbled myself before Titon as be-
fore God except in the sense that both to God
and to the man thought had deeply injured
humbled myself, as | certainly did; but 1t is use
less TO analyze paper prepared as this was: The
remainder of my plain statement concerning it
will be its best comment This document
written on separate half.sheets OF lcttcrpapcr
After il was finished Mouiton asked me ii would
sign II. l said no: il wac not my LETTER lie re
piled that it would have more weight If | would
in some way indicate that he authorized to
explain my sentiments. | took my pen, and at
some distance below the writing and upon the
lower margin l indicated that had committed
the document in trust to Moulton. and signed
the line thus written by few words
to its further fate: Mr.. Moulton. of his own
accord said that after using it he would in
two or three days bring the memornn
dun back to me. and he cautioned me about dis
closing In any way that there was difficulty be-
tween Mr.. Tilton and me, as it would be injurious
| to Tilton to have it known that had quarreled
with him. well a. for me to have rumOrs set
afloa. did not trouble myself about ii until
more than year afterward, when Mr.. 1ilton be
gan TO write up his (of which hcreafter), and
was looking up documents. ! wondered what
was in the old memorandum. and desired 10 see
it for greater certainty. So one day suddenly
asked Mr.. Moulton for that memorandum, and
said: You promised to return 1t to me-" lie
seemed confused for moment, and said: " Did
II" Certainly l answered. He replied that
the paper had been DESTROYED. On my putting
the question again, he said: THAT paper was
burned up long ago, and during the next two
years in various conversations of his own accord
he spoke of it as destroyed. had never asked
for authorized the destruction of this paper,
but was not allowed to know that the docu-
| ment in existence until a distinguished
| editor in New York. within few weeks past. as
| sured me that Mr.. Mouton had shown him the
| original and that he had examined my signature
| to be sure of its gcnnincness. ! knew that there
was copy Of it since this statement WAS IN prep
aration. While | rejected this memorandum as
| my work, or an accurate condensation OF my
| statement, 1t does undoubtedly correctly repre-
sent that | was In profound sorrow, and that l
| blamed myself with great severity for the disas-
| tiers of Tiltons family: had not then the light
that l now have There was much then that
| weighed heavily upon my heart and conscience
which now weighs only on my heart. have not
| the light which analyzes and disseminates
things. By one blow there opened before
me revelation full of anguish. An agon-
| iZpd been
| friends. greatly beloved; the husband ruined
in worldly prospects; the household
sickness and suffering, either corrupted to deceit,
| as her husband alleged, or so broken in mind as
to be Irresponsible and either way it was her en-
thusiasm for her pastor. as was made to believe,
| that was the germ and beginning of the trouble.
! 1t was for me to have forestalled and prevented
| that mischief. My age and experience in the
world should have put me on my guard. l could
not at that time tell what was true and what not
| true of all the considerations urged upon me by
| Tilton and Moulton. There was grief before
me in which lay those who had been warm friends.
and they alleged that had helped to plunge them
| therein That seemed enough to fill my soul with
sorrow and anguish. No mother who has lost
child but will understand the wild selfaccusatiOn
| that grief produced against all reason, blaming
herself for what things she did do and for what
she neglected to do and charging upon herself her
neglect or heedlessness, the death of the child.
while ordinarily every one knows she had worn
| herself ont with her assduties. Soon after this
| met Mr.. Tilton at Mouton's honse. Either
Moulton was sick or was very late III rising, for
| he was in bed. The subject of my feelings and
| conduct toward Tilt0n was introduced. made
| statement of motives under which had acted in
| counseling Bowen of my feelings toward Tiltons
| family, disclaming with horror the thought of
wrong. and expressed desire to do whatever lay
! in human power to remedy any evil had Occa-
| stoned and to reunite his family Tilton was
| silent and sucn. He played the part of an
injured man, but Moulton said to Tilton with
| intense earnestness, THAT is all that gentleman
| can say and you ought to accept it as an honor
! able basis of reconciliation This he repeated
| two or three times, and Tilton's countenance
| cheered under MoultOns strong talk. We
| shook hands and parted in a friendly way.
| his house, and said that he should be glad to
have the good old times renewed.
do not remember whether ever took meal
after that under his roof but certainly was in
vted by him to renew my visits as formerly.
never resumed my intimacy with the family. but
| once or twice went there soon after my recon
cilatiOn with TiltOn and at his request. par
| ticularly remember the scene which took place
| at his house when he talked about his wife and
me in very gracious mood. He began by
mourning his sorrows. He very desolate.
| The future seemed quite dark. After impressing
us with his great patience he grew generous,
praised to his wife. saying that had taken upon
myself all the blame of past troubles, and had
honorably exculpated her, and telling me that
| hiSwife likewise had behaved very magnani-
mOusly had blamed herself and declared that I
was bfameless and he closed his homily with in
creasng hope and cheer, saying that. deep as
! was his misery, he hoped that he would come
| out in the future more cheerful than he had
before.
Irestrained my smiles at the absurdity of the
even thinking he was generous in this way. Ihls
seemed to me the end of the trouble. With
sensitive and honorable man. who had no uite-
rior designs to accomplish, it would have been