Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-05-21
BREYITIES.

smooth.
A FASHION critic says that the new
bOnnets are the old ones sat down on for
half an hour or so.
Would ragman get just as many rags
ifhe didn't holler?" is query propounded
by Kentucky paper.
THE juice of ripe tomatoes will remove
the stain Of walnuts from the hands with
out injury to the skin.
CHE handled his gun carelessly, and
put on his angel plumage," is the latest
Western obituary notice.
a Troy widow has maintained a lawsuit
for tWenty-one years, and is still full of
pluck and determination.
THE Boston Globe wants to know if a
street sprinkler can be properly called
sweet harbinger Of spring.
WENDELL PHILLIPS says that a wife
who can cook a good dinner will never be
without fashionable bonnet
THE last plea of a stingy husband is:
" How can / contribute to the WASHINGTON
monument if you are so extravaganza
DANIEL GRAVES, an Albanian, was
praying in church the other day, when his
revolver went off and shot him in the
leg.
WHEN cremation comes in vogue it will
be only natural for widower to refer to
the dear departed as an "old flame" of
his.
RHODE ISLAND and Massachusetts are
negotiating in real estate. The former has
a factory to build, but is crowded for
room.
THEY can sell milk at three cents per
1aTti in RrOn1z1xr,, Nd aI-
though they have to steal their water and
chalk.
SUITS of black silk and grenadine COM
bined will be one of the summer fashions
this on the authority of Monsieur
Worth.
A CROWD Witnessing row in Detroit
was dispersed by the announcement that
" collection would now be taken up for
a poor widow"
MARRIED masculine praying bands to
conduct crusade against dry goods deal
ers are proposed in Memphis as a meas
ure of retaliation.
ACCORDING to Kansas decision, hus-
band and wife can enter a show on
ticket reading "admit one" Most
righteous Judge!
The Postoffice Department has decided
that female officials are more honest than
males. Now let Susan B. jump up and
swing her bonnet.
A LADY correspondent of a Western
journal thinks there ought to be statute
of limitation against the temperance of
long-lost husbands.
AN Iowa woman got mad and left her
husband because he washed his feet in the
dishpan, and the neighbors don't sympa-
thize with her bit.
BoARDING-HOUsE keepers are among the
most consistent believers in cremation
Do they not invariably turn their ere
mains" into hashes?"
AN old bachelor editor has discovered
that girls are plenty in Baltimore, but
stitled sigh when he learned that mar
riage license costs $3.50.
A MARRIED woman in Brooklyn is suing
a married man for q breach of promise
committed eleven years ago, and her hus-
band is her main witness.
CONSUMERS in Toledo, Ohio, urge that
the local grocers should be compelled by
law to dilute their sugar with some sub
stance less gritty than sand.
A NEW YORK Custom House man writes
that he has heard ladies Of refinement,
wealth, position and education, lie Gus
toms officer out of countenance.
A PROJECT for building a cheese factory
having resolved itself into the original
atoms the Kennebec Journal says that it
has gone the whey of all the earth.
A WEST NEwBURY (Mass.) man has won
a wager of SIS by eating twelve boxes
of sardines, quart of raw pea beans
and pound of bar soap within three
days.
THE latest is described as trimmed
inside with gold fringe and tassels, with
very snowy urns on the top, draped with
gold and plumes." This is a Hartford
hearse
BUFF colored linen travelling suits
trimmed with darker shade of the same
material will be much worn during the
season and are cut and made in the polo
naise style.
A LADY in Carlisle, Pa, has pair of
geese that Clipped the shell in 1888, and
therefore have only four years to wait be-
fore they will be fit for any boarding
house table.
AND now Icelanders are beginning to
seek homes in the United States. They
are said to resemble the Scotch in appear
ance, and are bright, clearly, healthy
looking class.
AN Iowa Judge has decided that it is
more of sin TO steal a horse than to
elope with another mans wife, because
there are 5000, 900 women in the United
States and only 100000 horses.
THE editor of the Crescent City Courier
claims to publish the most westerly paper
in the United States He says the water
of the Pacific Ocean at high tide reaches
within ten feet of his Office door.
THE Hill Brothers, farmers of Windsor
Locks Station, Conn, are the proud own
ers of a COW which turns the scales at
5000 pounds. She is six years old, and
was raised by her present owners.
A LOUISVILLE boy wanted to leave a
cold world in which his mother would
only give him two pieces Of pie for din
ner, and so he swallowed several percus-
sion caps, but they didn't kill him.
Four professional gamblers of Omaha
recently killed four days time IN a con-
tinuous game of draw" During the
time one of the party won $1,000 and
then dumped" the disconsolate crowd OF
three.
A HUNDRED years ago there were no
railroads, steamboats,, telegraph lines, gas
burners, furnaces, sewing machines, pho
tographs, friction matches, revolvers, per
cussion caps, india-rubber shoes, free
schools.
WAFFLEs-One quart Of flour, one
pint of sour milk, one teaspoontul OF soda,
four eggs. a piece of butter the size OF
laroe eGg and a little salt. Bake in waf-
40 ?ronS Sour cream and less butter i'm