The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-05-19
A Yankee Trick.

the said hotel was noted for his tricks
upon travellers, who were allowed to get
fairly seated at the table, when the driver
would blow his horn, (after taking his
" horns and sing out, Stage ready,
gentlemenp whereupon the passengers
were obliged to hurry out and take their
seats, leaving a scarcely tasted breakfast
behind them, for which however, they had
to fork over fifty cents One day, when
the stage was approaching the house of
this obliging landlord, passenger said
that he had often heard OF the landlords
tricks, and he was afraid they would not
be able to eat any breakfast.
"What how No breakfast P' ex-
claimed the rest.
EXACTLY so, gents, and may as well
keep your seats and tin
"Don't they expect passengers to break
fast ?"
"Oh, yes they expect you to it, but
not to eat it, l am under the impression
that there is an understanding between
the landlord and the driver, that for sum
dry and various drinks, &C., the latter
starts before you can scarcely commence
eating"
What on earth are you all talkin'
about? Eff you call1elate I'm goin' to
pay four-nine-pence for my breakfast, and
not get the value ont, yo're mistakin,"
said voice from back seat, the owner
Of which was one Hezekiah Spaulding-
though stew hum" they call him &C. Hez"
for short "I'm goin' to get my breakfast
here, and not pay nary red cent till do"
"Then you'll be left"
"Not as you knows on, / won'tp
"Well, we'll see," said the other as the
stage drove up to the door, and the land
lord, ready "to do the hospitable," says:
Breakfast just ready, gents Take a
wash, gents Here's water, basins, tow
els and soap"
After performing their ablutions, they
all proceeded to the dining-room, and COM
menced fierce onslaught upon the edibles,
though Hez took his time. Scarcely had
the unwelcome sound of the horn, and the
driver exclaim-" Stage ready ~ Up rise
eight grumbling passengers, pay their fifty
cents, and take their seats.
"All on board, gents ?'' inquired the
host.
"One missing" said they.
Proceeding to the dining-room, the
host finds Hez very coolly helping himself
to an immense piece of steak, the "size of
a horses hip"
"You'n be left, sir Stage is going to
start ~
"Wall, 1 hain't got nothin' to say agin
it" drawls out Hez.
"Can't wait, sir--better take your seat. "
"I'll be gall-darned eff dew, mother,
till I've got my breakfast 1 paid for it,
and I'm goin' to get the value ont; and ef
you calkelate amt you are mistaken"
So the stage did start, and left Hez who
continued his attack upon the edibles.
Biscuits, coffee, &C., disappeared before
the eyes of the astonished landlord.
"Say, Squire, them there cakes is bout
eat--fetch on another grist on IN. You,
Ito the waiter,) mother cup Of that ere
coffee. Pass them eggs. Raise your own
pork, Squire? This is 'nazing nice ham.
Land bout tolerable cheap, Squire
Hain't much maple timber in these parts,
hev ye? Dew right smart trade, Squire,
l calkelateP Don't lay your own eggs,
dew YEP" and thus kept quizzing the land
lord until he made hearty meal.
"Say, Squire, I'm now bout to con-
clude paying my deUOUsrs to this ere ta-
BILE, but just give us bowl of bread and
milk to top off with. I'd be much obleeged
tow ye."
So out goes the landlord and waiter fol
the bowl, milk, and bread, and soon sets
them before him.
"Spoon, tew, Of you please"
But no spoon could be found. Land,
lord was sure he had plenty of silver ones
lying on the table when the stage stopped
Say, dew ye dew ye think them pas
sengers is goin' to pay ye for breakfus'
and not git no compensashun."
"Ah what?' Do you think any of the
passengers took them"
"Dew think ?" No don't think, bu
I'm sartin. Ef they are all as green al
yew bout here, I'm going to locate imme
diately, and two at wonst."
The landlord rushes out to the stable
and starts a man off after the stage, whicl
had gone about three miles The mai