The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-05-02
States
WIT AND wIsD0

An exchange asks ella there anyt1.s -
that man cannot do 7" To which Cf4
Wood, of the Glasgow (Ky.) Times, re-
plies "Yes, sir We have never kown one
to suckle baby"
1t is a mistake to expect to receive vel
come, hospitality, words Of cheer and help
over rugged and difficult paths in life in
return for cold Sel6shness, which cares for
nothing but self.
A gentleman was cOmplimenting . pref
ty young lady in the presence If his wife.
g It's lucky | did not meet Miss Hopkins
before l married you, my dear. Well,
yes, it is extremely-for her. was the dry
rejoinder.
A Chicago gentleman, who recently trav-
eled through Ohio, says everybody he met
called potatoes ''taters, except one young
Lady, who called him . small pertater."
Good manners" says Swift, lis the
art of making those people easy with whom
we converse whoever maketh the fewest
persons uneasy is the best bred man in
the company.
The snti-slavery idea was, that every
man had the right to 20 and come at will.
The labor movement Asks how much this
abstract right Il worth, tOithOUt the POsOer
to exercise Vt.
Those Who have money
Are troubled about il.
Those who have none
Are troubled without IL.
Old French song
young man having put crown piece
into " the plate" in an Edinburgh church
by mistake, instead of a penny, asked TO
have it back. but was refused. In once in
forever. :" Aweel, aweel, grunted he,
IN get credit for it IN heaven" Ma,
ma, said Jeems, the doorkeeper, :. yell
get credit for only the penny ye meant to
gle"
Nothing" said an impatient husband,
reminds me SO much Of BalAam and his
ass a. two women stopping in church and
obstructing the way t. indulge in their
everlasting talk But you forget, der
returned the wife, meekly, thai @go-
the ssiGel who StoHpsd the way
and his ass who con. Pssa
1t has been observed ti&> @Y1a7s--
ticians were very good bloodSdcaP 10
got some good bites, but then scorU
Cthers got good bites out of them, and
sucked their blood. As swift says
:. So naturAlists observe, nea
Has smaller heas that him preg
And these have smaller neAs - bite 'sm;
In Marysville, Cal, the other day, a
Newfoundland dog walked into the mar
ket, dropped ten cent piece out Of his
mouth, and walked off with q whole sal
mon. The butcher says some folks may
call that dog intelligent, but he thinks that
dog that can't distinguish between a tenn
cent slice and five dollar hsh hasn't Kot
even common sense. ------
The other day, in San Francisco, at the
foot Of one Of the wharves, a sinister looh-.
ing individual appeared with sack in his
hands. His mysterious movements ex-
cited suspicion, and he was watched.
When, as he supposed, not observed, he
quietly slipped the sack into the water, and
1t immediately disappeared, the man rap
idly making his way up town. The watch
ers, supPoslng that some mysterious TRACE
dy had been enacted, dragged the mud, re-
covered the sack, and discovered within IL
five sutfocated kittens.
A writer in the GaJagy gives the follow
ing list OF the sermons which Elder Knapp.
the celebrated revivalist, delivered during
a single week:
Monday-The Personality, Character
and Destiny of the Devil.
Tuesday-Mhy God Lets the Devil Live.
Wednesday, Prayer-meeting in He'll.
Thursday-The Goodness Of God.
Friday-Justice Of God in the dAmna-
tion of the Wicked.
Knapp once described the terrible heat
q hell by saying that it was 30 hot that if
q man were taken out Of it and plunged
into the hottest fire of an earthly furnace,
he would freeze to death from the tran
Hition.
In London they have introduced at fAsh
ionable dinners . grog train, which runs
around the table. The engine holds the
hot water, and the wagons carry cigars and
bottles.
A New York young Lady has determined
never again 10 attend q missionary sewing
party, never never Her father caught
her 1T one the other evening, and waS 90
much grAti6ed at the cleverness with her
needle exhibited by his fashionable dAuRh-
ter, that he then and there resolved never
10 pay another dresamAker's bill.
A boy eleven yearS old wAs recently ro-
ceived ut the express Office IA BprinaAaId.
Mass, duly labeled and tagged, from Dam
vile. " the charge being S12.7O.
At Ottawa, Ill, = German died n few
days ago from having swallowed q piece OF
cotton saturated with creooote. which he
had In has mouth to stop the tOothache.
Amnesty TO political OfFenders was one
! OF the acts Of the Czar OF Russia ON the
! recent marriage Of Ais daughter.