The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-11-20

A yawl-boat-ODe filled with cry.
ing babies.
An act of great polite:ess-Pol'
ishiDg stove.
A Dubuque, Iowa, man offers iO
pray for SO a day.
Consistent TO The last: Tom Col.
Inns has died in q cell.
Mrs. King William is reported ia
! he q terrible mother-iu-laW.
| II is better 10 be flush in the peck
Ell tLan ia The face.-DaHbur, News.
The man who has not a.! thing 10
boast OF but his ancestors is like u
potato plAui--ihe Ouly coed bt long
ing TO Lin is under ground.
A Georgetown man adver Uses
concerning his runawa, wife, that
"As never pay my own debts, il
is reasonable 20 suppose that | shalt
not pay hers"
There is evidently very brilliant
future before Weston, but the gem
eral opinion is that he won't begin
to realize II much until somebody
SAWS of his legs.
An Indians clergyman sued q
newspaper for libel and dropped
dead within a week. The Detroit
Free Press says these fellows will
learn something by ana by.
a ferryman was asked by a timid
lady whether any persons were ev-
err lost in the river over which he
rowed. ooh! NO. said he, "Wc
always find 'em the next day" 4
The opinion is being strengthened
every day that the man who first
made shirt TO button behind did
more for the world than one who
has discovered FIVE comets.
Girls, as you value your lives,
don't get up and get breakfast in the
mornings. a young lady attempt
ed it one day last week, and was
burned to death. Show this to your
mammas.
A young blood at hotel was re-
quested to pass dish near him.
'sDo you mistake me for waiter z"
said the exquisite. mo, sir; l mis-
took you for a gentleman" was the
prompt reply.
The Shah of Persia contemplates
sending An Ambassador TO this
country, but for what purpose is
not known. 1t is conjecIured, how
ever, he requires an agent in Amer |
lea for the sale of his book!
Tennie C. Ciaflin, according to the |
Chicago Inter-Ocean, is now Mrs. |
j ohm Green. Has this sweet cher |
ub been getting married again
And is there no law for the prOtec- |
ton of her artIess innocence
There is a German in Carbon
county, Pa, who is the father of
thirty three children. His wife has |
just rejected an application of the |
of Charities to put |
him upon the retired list.-BroOk.
lyn Argus.
The loYe-letters of the Due de |
Paris. In none of them, however,
does it appear that he and his sweet |
heart ever simultaneously sucked at |
the same stick of candy.-Washing- |
ton Chronicle.
An excited railway man who |
shouts into the cars the names of |
the stations, and who hears a good |
deal of complaint because the names |
are called indistinctly, wants to |
know If the public expect tenOrs at
$40 q month?
Mr.. Dubois, of Fall River, has |
had the blood of live lamb intro
duced into his veins, as remedy |
for consumption. 1t is probable |
that there will be no unusual effect
save an abnormal fOndness for all
girls named Mary.
Boston men can't believe what
they see. Oue of them had to
feel steam anger in Chicago to see
if it was really whirling. 1t really
was, and three or four of his fingers
fell down behind an alderman's
cravat.-Detroit Press.
Rev. j. II. Todd, of Sioux City,
played a rather neat little Joke on
his wife the other day. While she
was unsuspectingly half selling his
winter trOwsers, he quietly slipped
out at the back gate and elOped with
a milliner.
A young lady and gentlemen,
aged respectively u and Ii years,
were married at GOuldtown, Mich,
last week. When last seen they
were qnarreling over a pound of
mixed candies, and throwing out
vague limitations about a divorce.
A young man has been arrested
in New York for sleeping i'll stand
ing position. He would stand on
the street for four hours at q stretch,
with his eyes closed, and not move
a muscle. 1t is hereditary. His
father was Il Washing
ton Chronicle.
If the times are hard stop your
paper, but do not shorten your all
lowance of whisky or tobacco. A
good paper in family is great
comfort to the wife and children,
but that is no reason why you should
provide them with a weekly luxury
at the expense of daily necessity.
Poor young thing! she tainted
away at the washtub, and her pretty
nose went ker-slop into the soap
suds. Some said it was overwork;
others, however, whispered that her
beau peeped over the back fence and
called out: "IIullo, there, Bridget,
is Miss Alice at home !"-New York
Commercial.
A woman in New London, Conn,
saw her husband carrying n lady's
satchel, and she tore the lady's dress
off her before discovering that it
was her mother, who had dropped
down on the evening train TO sur
prise her. Every husband in the
land who is out evenings should
read this little item to his wife and
hold up the dangers of becoming
suspicious without the best of cause.
Gilbert c. Walker, Democrat,
elected from the Richmond, Virgin
ia, district. is q carpet Dagger from
Chicago.
The United States government
calls on Mr.. Rhomberg, of Dubuque,
for 100000 unpaid taxes on whis-
KY.