Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-04
The Book CanYasser.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

ABOUT 5 years ago, while at dinner with
my family, waz Informed that thare waz
a gentleman in the parlOr who must see
me imegiately on very important biz
ness.
Fastening from the table, found my
self in the presence ov plainly drest but
very nervous man, who informed me that
he waz canvassing mi distrikt for the sale
of Doctor Erastus Spignot's new work,
entitled the Normal Circulashun OY the
Blood"
I at once informed the man that did
not want the work
He then begun long ackOunt of its
value and importance to every human be-
ing, when broke IN upon his elOquence
bi repeating "that i did not want the
book"
N He continued by telling me that no
library would be komplete without it.
Again j declared in the most posatiff
terms " that did not want the work"
At this point the stranger seated him.
self in a chair, and deliberately drew the
book in question out Ov hiZ satchel, and
informed me that no gentleman to whom
he had offered it had failed at once to
subscribe.
Growing desperate, declared in the
most emphatick tones that would not
hav the book at any price"
Rising from hiz chair, he took oph hiz
overcut, and, throwing it carlessly on the
sofa, struk an attitude, and for ten minnits
gave the most glowing ackount ov the
cirkulashun ov the blood and the anatomy
ov man that I ever listened to.
[ once more assured him, in a beseech-
ing manner, "that did not want the
book"
Seating himself again in the chair, and
wiping the drops Ov perspirashen from
hiz brow, he went back to the days ov
Adam and Eve, and for half an hour
talked az no human ever talked before on
the various disseazes the human sistem
waz subject to, closing up with vivid
resital Ov the cirkulashen ov the blood.
Again insisted upon it that the book
would be Ov no use to me, ana that /
would not hav it.
Springing from hiz seat, with the book
in his hand and his eyes flashing fire, and
hiz whole manner intense, he began to
shO me its kOntents, commencing at the
title-page.
l saw at last that it was wuss than mad
ness to resist emmy longer, so subscribed
for the book, cOnsoling miself with the
refeckshun that if i ever had a book to
sell miself would hav it sold bi subscrip-
shun.
The more I think ov it, am so delited
with the piOus energy and long suffering
ov the book canvasser, that wouldn't
think ov selling book emmy other way.
He IL man whom yu kant eskape emmy
more than yu kan yure own shaddO; he
follows hiz within like ghost and hangs
around him grinning like an undertaken.
The only way to git rid ov him IL to
subscribe at once, and let him 60 for the
next phellow.
The shaving sope man and the life in
surance agent are very good in their way,
but they don't kompare with the book
canvasser for lively work emmy more than
the pensive cockroach duz to the red-hot
muskeeto.
They steal on yu like a kat on a mouse,
when yu amt looking for them, and, like
the fly in the spiders web, the more yu
tri to git out the further yu git in.
| luv the book canvasser now; hiz
words are like bunny in the comb, and
hiz lOgick liz like sweet lie, and tho he
may sell me book don't want, and wont
hav, thare liz real plum in the way that
he duz it.
subscribe now, at least once year,
for sum kind ov a book, that I never look
into, with title to it az long az the tail
Ov a kite, just bekause the book canvasser
IL SO polite and so utterly impossible to
git rid ov.-N. 7. Weekly.