The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-08-08
VARIETY.

CoxrEssrED.-A fellow who was sent to jail in
Ohio for sheeP-stealing, said to the Justice ::
80 Well, ] and Bazaine and Tichborne can
stand it,
FoUsD GrnzK-A Wisconsin clergyman has
been found gailty by q church council Of not
always handling the truth with sufficient careful
ness to meet the demands of Teracity."
Philadelphia claims to have more
novelties than any other city in America. Thir-
teen Of these novelties are Common CouncIlmen
who have never been charged with bribery.
Hrs JUSTIFICATION ingenious baker sought
TO Justify the high price Of his lOaves by saying
that he had it on the authority of al eminent
naturalist that the doe belongs to the deer tribe.
Mrs Grundy says that If you wish to see fine
display Of diamonds upon the human form you
must secure an introduction to the ugliest
v fan 20 be found at fashionable watering
1Iaee.
TsuTH.-s' l. it a AIN. my lather,'' said n belle
60 her eonfessOr, 80 to listen to men who say
am handaome2'' " Certainly. my child, ~ replied
the abbe; you never ought 10 encourage un-
truth
RAHE1T-NOt many men forget the wash days
qf their bOyhOOd, when a fond mother with par
DoiIed and sOapy fingers buttoned their collars
for them Its impression upon the hears and
nose Is rarely efaeed.
CHOCK FrLL-Ths Newark AdrerfiSer closes an
account Of the withdrawal Of some old hOrse-cs.;s
with: They are rs ehock-ful Of memories as
they are OF 6eas We ne'er shall see their like
again. Hail and FAREWELL
Hssx'r SLEPT.-The Terre Haute hotel girl
who lately inherited forty thousand dollars in
gold, hasn't alept wink since, on account OF
amorOus serenaders who warble nonsencial rhymes
to her at her chamber window.
The Providence Press tells of n married couple
who were Passing je4elry store the OthGs day
/. Her attention attracted by n - betty
lovely pair Of ear rings said she Ned,
20 buy en- - and Ned went by EN-.
..Dear George" said an indianapolis young
woman, - am willing to marry you it We have
20 live on bread and water" - Well, said the
enthiasaic George, - you furnished the bread and
III skiTmish round and find the water"
A temperance orator has figured it all out, and
arrives this result: - tile OF tOpers, seventy
i've miles in length, marching steadily TO drunk
ards graves at the rate Of three 4 minute or one
in every twenty seconds, all the year round"
IL See" said a young lady, L" that some pub
fishers advertise blank declarations for sale.
wish could get one" - Why?" asked the
mother Because Ma, G-is too modest
to ask me 10 marry him, and perhaps, If I could
I'll a blank declaration, he would sign it."
A Young printer of Bridgeport. went serenad-
ing his sweetheart the other night. just as he
had reached that pathetic part OF the song a.
am lonely tonight love without thee the girl's
father and two dogs appeared in sight around the
corner, and his loneliness fed for about two
miles.
An IrishWOman at loss for a word, went
a into a drug store, and looked much puzzled, said
: she had come for some medicine, but the name
had slipped her mind 'intirey,' but sounded like
Paddy IN the garrett. The druggist willing to
make SALE tried TO think what il could be,
and hit upon ParagoFic. " Indade thin. that's
it." said She. obtaining the medicine and going
away delighted, that she had come so near the
TIght t00Td