The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1874-03-07
SCARED OUT OF 4 WIFE.

| u
write was told me one bleak cold night in
a country parlor 1t was one of those nights
in midwinter when the wind swept over
the land, making everything tingle with it,
frosty and keen treaUh, that | was seated
before a blazing fire, surround by Jolly
half dozen boys and an old bachelor, Peter
Green, about 40 years.
| 1t was just the night without to make
those within enjoy good story SO each
of US had to tell a favorite story, save Mr.
Green, and as he was Jolly Btory-teller
we were somewhat surprised to hear him
| say | have no story that would inter
est you,n so we had to find other entertain
ments for while, when one of the boys
told us to ask him how it happened that he
| had never got married. So we did.
well, gentlemen, " he began, g it don't
| seem right for me to tell how it happened
but as it's about myself, [ don't care much
| You see when was young we had to walk
| as high as five miles to church and singing.
school, which was our chief enjoyment
But this don't have anything to do with my
not getting wife, but | wanted to show
You that we had some trouble them DAYS in
getting our sport.
John Smith and [ were like brothers, OF
like g Mary and her little lamb Where
went to see two sisters, and as we We're not
the best of boys Imaginable the old gentle
man took umbrage and wouldn't allow us
to come near the house SO we would take
the girls to the end of the lane, and there
we would take the final kiss.
We soon got tired of that sort of fun, and
| told John, on our way to singing school
one night, that [ was going home with
Sadie and tha | WAS croIDtr M tho hOuSa
| too
He said the old man would "cane me"
| if / did.
L told him was going to risk it anyhow
come what would.
He said " he would risk it if | would
So home we went with the girls.
When we got to the end of the lane |
| told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
They looked at each other in way !
| didn't like any too well, but they said the
old folks would be in bed, SO they didn't
| care if we did.
They were little more surprised vet when
| | told them we thought of going in a while,
| but as all was quiet when we rot to the
| ouse, we had no trouble In getting into the
| kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court
and | made up my mind to ask Sadie to be
be my wife the next time | came
| 1t was now past the turn of night, and
we had four miles to walk, told John we
must be going. So we stepped out upon
| the porch, but just as we did 50, the sky
was lit up by lightning, and tremendous
| thunder peal rolled among the mountain
| sides. Its echoes had not died out in the
| far off wales until the rain began to pour
al. 1 r.
| clouds We waited for it to stop until we
| were all sleepy, when the girls said we
should go to bed in the little room at the
head of the stairs which led out of the
kitchen; as their father didnt get up early.
| we could be home before the old folks were
up. So after bidding the girls sweet good
highland huGging them little-and
wishing them pleasant dreams, and promis-
ing them to come back on next Saturday
night, we started for bed
We didnt have far to 90, as the bed stood
near the stairs John was soon in bed, but
| was little slow, ard 1ull of curiosity, l
set about to look around the room.
At last | thought | would sit down ON n
chest which was spread over with a nice
width CLOTH while drew off my boots So
down | sat, when stars of the east | went
plump into custard pie
thought John would die laughing, for
he said | had smashed that custard pie all
to thunder, and the plate right in two.
You see we had TO be awful quiet so thai
the old gent should not hear us
was now ready to get in bed, so | put
out the light and picked up my boots,
thinking to put them i'll more convenient
place, when down my one leg went through
pipe-hole, which had been covered with
paper, up to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs while
the longest part of me was in the kithen
As my leg was very long it reached a
shelf viii ch was occupied by dishes, pans,
cotfee-pots, etc, turning it over with a
tremendous ash.
The girls had not yet retired, and we
could hear them laugh fit to kill themselves
felt awful ashamed, and was scared I'M
I'll my heart was In my throat, for / expe, +
ed the old man every moment.
| extracted my leg from the COMPOUNDED
hole just in time, for the old woman looked
into the kitchen from her room door. and
asked, what all that noise was about 2"
The girls put her off the best they could.
and went to bed, while John was strapg
ling himself under the bed clothes to keen
from laughing aloud.
We soon went off into the land of dreams
with the the hope of waking early. | wish
| could tell you my dreams, but it would
take me too long. One moment ] would
fancy myself by the side of Sadie, slipping
nectar from her heaven-bedewed lips, aud
the next | would be flying from the old
man, and he would be brandishing his cane
above my head.
This all came to an end by John giving
me a kick.