The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-12-11
sPLHNTs.
Natural slippers-Eels.

Noeurol SlipperS-EelS.
The fastest city in the world
Electricity.
A corn-extractor that has never
been patented-Thc crow.
There are six George Washing
tons in the Pennsylvania State
prison.
A WORKOUT shoe is like ancient
Greece, because it once had a So
lon (sole on).
1t is a good thing to be above
board, but generally bad thing
to be overheard.
An Iowa justice the other day
accepted two bushels of the pun
gent onion as a marriage fee.
A French milliner conceived the
novel idea of having the ladies'
wear their hats on their heads.
The tomb of Augustus at Rome
is to be used for n theatre. The
ex Emperor retains his private
box.
A Chicago actress calls avail
anche "avalank." The education
al advantages OF that city are no
torious.
The French Prince Imperial has
ears like 4 Milwaukeean, and his
photograph is doing him y great
deal OF damage.
"Cheap and hungry dances" are
Vermont institution. There are
no refreshments, and the fun stops
ut ~ o'clock.
The Aldermen of Kansas City
arc irreYerently spoken of by To-
cal journal as 1.-The gentleman with
red eyes and nose"
A Frenehman intending to COM
pliment a young lady by calling
her n gentle lamb, said: "Shc is
one mutton rs is small"
A New Orleans paper offers the
sentiment thus: "Georgc Wash
ington-First in war, first in
peace, and last in getting monu-
ment."
We can't all he run over by To-
comotives, or killed by boiler eX-
plosions. An Indiana man has
Just been crushed TO death in 4
corn grinder.
The Daily Tokionichinichi
Schimbum is rapidly displacing
tee other papers of Yeddo, and has
n circulation OF 500. Now is the
time to subscribe.
1t is singular that mineral wa
tiers are only beneficial To the
wealthy. We never knew q ply
stefan to advise poor man TO go
to any watering-place.
A Boston philosopher says that
You want to look at mems boot
heels to discover their energy. a
slow, slothful man runs his boots
over at the heels.
A Colorado exchange says:
"The Canon City girls don't take
kindly to croquct. They say it is
too heightened for them. Leap
frogs arc their best hold"
A spectre carpenter, who saws
and hammers and does other
things incidental to his trade, is
making the owners of house in
Richmond, Va, very miserable.
A confidential clerk in Chica-
90 cattle yard has just skipped
out with several thousand dollars.
The New York Commercial thinks |
he has probably taken passage for
Cowes.
Without any desire to- brag the |
Detroit Free Press points to n |
Michigan sunaower nineteen feet
high, and respectfully inquiries af-
ter the health of other sunaowers
around the country.
A Council Bluffs lawyer ate pea
uuts in court and was fined $40 for
contempt. The Judge remarked
that he determined TO uphold the
majesty of the law il it killed the
entire peanut crop of the South.
Wonder what. those $50 cot our
best people, in an Ohio town, has
been taking when they saw one OF
RaphaePs angels hung up in mid
heavens, with wings and arms out
SPREAD. Nc wish there wasn't n
drop OF rum iR the world.s
According toa Cincinnati paper,
John Thomas was recent ssuedby
Hester Prim forbreach of promise.
John Thomas, come in eourte'
was shouted considerable "John
Thomas needn't comoin to court
me any more, ? said Hester primly,
The safe OIL. n. HildeBrandk
CO., lumber dealers at IndianoPe-
lis, was blown open abOutfour o.
the morning Of thet 2Sth, !
md six thousand dollars 10 enrs
-ency and four thousand in USS,
bonds taken thefefrom. The mon
~ was received BY Mr.. Hildebrand