The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-04-17
sPLIEFRRS.
Only Philadelphia has s'temper.
ance doughnut parties"

Il Only Philadelphia has '.temper
ance doughnut parties. -
1t is rather cool in a San Fran
CISCO paper to advise young maj
, to "go West"
/ Parties going over the ocear
should be warmly clothed. The
steamers are always coaled.
A Troy paper, writing of the
late Elder Knapp, speaks of Incl.
dents sin the early history of the
corpse"
| A party of men are digging for
gold at Bridgeport. They've
struck rich vein of quartz-bnt
| it's quarts of water.
| It is a rule of etiquette in Ar
kansas that no true gentleman
will eat with his leg thrown over
the back of his neighbor's chair,
if he can helpit.
Texas judges are accommodate
ing fellows. One of them who
fined a man three hundred dollars
took a twenty-dollar mule and
called it square.
The nervous gentleman who
lost his head the other day, while
addressing his constituents, is
considered to be none the worse
for his misfortune.
An Indianapolis father shot six
times at a supposed burglar, and
was astonished to hear the fellow
ask, "Whazzer mazzer, fazzer?
whazzer doing?
Russia gives dinners on a scale
proportioned to the extent of its
territory. At the banquet recent
ly given to the Emperor of Aus
tria covers were laid tor seven
hundred and forty guests.
breakfast for ninety-nine," said
a waiter to verdant clerk at ho-
tel not long ago. "Thunder"
said the clerk, 1--WE can't do it."
The waiter explained that ninety
nine was the number of the room.
The other evening, at Washing
ton, Wendell Phillips and "Hang-
man" Foote dined together. Be-
fore the war Foote offered boun-
ty of ten thousand dollars for the
scalp OF any abolitionist caught
in Mississippi.
1t is pleasant to see a young
creature come into a horse car,
seat herself for admiration, look
happy for five minutes, and then
wake up to the dismal conscious
ness that there is a rip in the mid
die finger of her right glove.
The pupils of girls school in
Pittsburgh, out for their daily
promenade, were recently mistak-
en- for an approaching band of
temperance reformers, and their
appearance was the signal for
general closing of the saloons.
Mr.. Lowe, in has address to the
constituency of the London Uni
versity, says that "the man who
prefers custom to law announces a
principle which would stereotype
every abuse and substitute the
blind guesses of barbarism for the
clear and well-considered conclu
sions of civilized age"
Providence aldermen, it seems,
are noticeable for the breadth of
sole and the quantity of ground
covered in their debates. One of
them, being called to order the
other day for some personal re-
marks, gravely informed the pres
ident that he couldn't help it if
he had stepped on some ones
toes; he must put his feet down
somewhere.
A sermonizcr made these re-
marks on the following soul-sav-
ing question: "My brethren, a
man cannot afford to lose his soul.
He's got but one, and he can't get
another. If man loses his horse
he can get another; if he loses his
wife he can get another; if he
loses his child he can get another;
but if he loses his soul-good-by,
John"
Jack Pendergast was fined ten
dollars by a Chicago justice for
an assault, the alternative being
ten days in Jail. To get the
money 10 pay the fine he picked
the pocket of lawyer in court;
but when he fumbled in the peck
etbook for the right-sized bill, the
lawyer recognized his own, and
Jack will go to the States prison
for many years.
The Swiss Times reports that
"Mr. Smith, L. S." is registered
at Nice.
A Danbury man who recently
lost his wife was asked by friend
whether she died suddenly. 'In-
deed she did," he exclaimed, with
much feeling; "why, only q week
afore there was man around here
that wanted to insure her, but I
never dreamed of anything hap
pening. And" he added, apollo
getically, 81 don't believe anybody
would have thought it to look at
her."
The summer poet in Napoleon,
O., warbles:-
's'Tis midnight and the setting sun
Is risIug in the wide, wide West.
The rapid rivers slowly run;
The frog is on his downy nest;
The peusive ghost and sportive cow
hilarious hop from bough to bough."
1t is one of the sweetest and
most consoling reflections of the
opening season of buds and flow
ers, when the brooks shall be re-
leased from their icy chains and
there is fair promise of the gen
tie lambs skipping from rock to
rock and thistle to thistle, that
the nights are rapidly growing
briefer and the iron rod of the OPP
lpressive gas man has been broken
at the fountain to some extent.
A country minister of s'limited
capacity" recently married for a
second wife widow of some
property. Being an ardent ser
want of Mammon, a former neigh
Dor asked him If he did not do
well by the second marriage? so.
Ives, indeed, he said, with anima-
ton; and then, as an expression
of reverent awe stole into his face.
he added, ssand, what is very re-
markable, the clothes of my wife's
first hu sband just fit me-
Il A fine distinction was that the
preacher of the Richmond First
Baptist Church made: GMy brud.
~ Ia L. St--L1. -,<.,, ~waro al