Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-12-04
Fl u MO e.


A young lady in the East End, who has
Just returned from com pleting her educa
ton in Boston, wanted TO kiss her old
lover the other night, and her mother oh
iected. The daughter drew up her queenly
form to it's full height, and exclaimed
Smother, terrible, tragical and sublimely
fetributive will be the course pursued by
me, if you refuse to allow him to place his
:slabaster lips to mine. and enrapture nay
immortal soul by ilnprinting angelic SEN
sations of divine bliss upon the indispensa-
bic members Of human p lysiogomy, and
then kindly allowing me to take with
drawal from his beneficent presence. y
The mother feebly admitted that her OBJ
5ections were overruled. Cincinnati Times.
An erring husband, who had exhausted
all explanations for Ia hours, and had ne
apology ready, recently slipped into the
house about one O'Clock very softly, de-
nuded himself gently, and be gan rocking
the cradle by the bedside, as if he ha been
awakened out Of a sound sleep by infantile
cries. He had rocked away for five minutes,
when Mary Jane, who had silently observed
the whole manouvre, said Come to bed.
you fool, you! the baby amt there"
II the old man will insist on taking a
smoke after going to bed at night, the
sooner the house is insured for twice it,
value the more cNnplacent will be the feel
ing of the relatives who stand by when the
french hunt among the ruins for his
bones.
A popular clergyman says it is interest
ing to observe how many people q" 10 the
circus ''just to please the Children and
very curious to Notice that sometimes il
4akes several able-bodied men and mother
~ women to look after one little boy OH
such al occasion.
4 Canada NAH tied his dog to the end of
"a rear car the other day, and then be the
beast could keeprp with the train. Strang
to say, when they got into Detroit, tir
dog was ahead there was nothing else left
OF him.
Recently. in a Columbia county (Ga.l
church, when the congregation arose to
sing. a pistol fell from the pocket of ont
of the worshipper, and wounded a Mr..
peeIer who remarked as he was carried ont
f''Take care you don { make me drop lnit,e."
'Will you please insert this obituary no
tice ~ asked AN old gentleman of an editor.
II make bold to ask it, because know the
deceased had a great many friends arount
II IL, 4 l,
An observing man has discovered d sin
clarity between Il young ladies seminary
and a sugar-house, as both refine WHAT IS
already sweet.
A Western paper chronicles maria g
in this suggestive style: "rhe couple le-
solved themselves into committee Of two,
with power to add their NUMBER
A Unontown turkey was observed on q
fence the ether day intently studying al
almanac and reckoning on his toes how
iong it was from Thanksgiving.
An cid lady, hearing somebody say tie
mails were irregular, said: 1T was just 30
in my young days-no trusting any of 'em !"
A man in danger Of being hanged said
shat of all the games Of his Childhood
skipping the rope would be the most agre,
able.
Grindstones are considered safe prop rty
70 invest in; because, if you cannot st
them for cash you can always turn thom.
Whv was Ruth very rude to Boaz I? It,
cause she pulled his ears and trod on his
corn.
When Noah made the ark fast with
cable tow there was a tied in the affairs o.
amen taken at the food.
The crow is not SO bad a bird after al.
1t never shows the white feather and never
complains without caws.
At fifteen the average boy sings gaily, II
want to be an angel" At thirty he wants
IL live as long as he can.
When dead man is spoken of AS 1.-The late
-Air smith," the inference is that he did
sat die early enough.
81 Tie one thing needful for the perfet t.
enjoyment Of love is confidence. san eli
with hash and sausa. es.
A stump speaker, Who carried four II bt |
bullets as proof of his patriotism. was
found to have them in his breeches nocl at
Like begats like. A To nan punch fer
& Roman noses
Oath OF tue Chicago girl--Buy gum.