The Hawaiian gazette., 1874-11-04


Don't 20 TO law unless you have nothing t
lose lawyers houses are built on fOOls' heads.
Taking Of Oarsmen, john Paul says it's I
great thing nowadays to be "a gentlemen anC
sculler."
A spectacular drama, founded ou Websteri
Dictionary, unabridged, is in course of prePara
tion.
An Eastern Journal declined to publish the
details of the Beecber-Tilton scandal on the
ground that it is not Z religious paper.
A lady barber has been driven out of Dubuque
by tue married ladies' Of that place The latter
thought she scruped acquaintance too easily.
II anything viii impress the human mind with
awe il is the expression of the mans face who
has just been aroused from snoring 10 church.
1t was darling George" when bridal couple
left Omaha; it was "'dear George" at Chicago;
at Detroit it was George; !" and when they
reached Niagara Falls it was Say, your
A Mr.. Wakeman, in Vermont, started out to
borrow hoe. That implement must be scarce
in Vermont, Tor Mr. Wakeman has now been
gone sixteen years, and bis wife is growing
anxious about him.
We'll, Johnny, how are you getting on 2
How do You like your new master ?" " Faith,
Miss, dunno" He'sa very excellent man )
you cant do too much for him." /" An sure,
Miss, don't name to-"
A young man asked for Homer's Odyssey
at bookstore in Norwich, Conn, the other day,
and the clerk not finding it, remarked in re-
fective way, Well, we haven't any Of Homer's
latest works IN at present
A coored gentleman went to consult one Of
the most high-toned lawyers in Boston and. after
stating his case, said Now, knows you's
lawyer, but wish you would please, sar jiss tell
me the truf bout dat matter"
At High Falls, New York, the other day
young lady, while crossing field was knocked
down by ram, and the next time the damaged
damsel saw her lover she informed that astonished
youth that be might go about bis business, as she
was disgusted with the sex.
A Detroit young woman tried to be aristo-
cratic and did not look at the money that she
gave the horse-car conductor but be meekly gave
her back the lozenge 90 which was written, "Il
never cease 10 lore thee" and said that be was
on orphan with five little brothers to support and
must be excused.
We are now told how we eau reach the gold
in the Black Hills. Somewhere 10 the neighbOr-
hood of SlOO dollars viii carry one through. But
we would advise the honest miner TO take $500
along. lie viii need the other hundred to get
back on, and to buy hod TO commence work
with-aud likewise wig-BrookIyn argus
spoouey young gentlemen are advised never to
write gushing eHusions in praise Of their sweet
hearts hair. They may safely operate on her
nose or eyes. but the color Of her hair is apt TO
change with the fashion. It would be very awk-
ward TO send her poem telling her her hair is like
golden threads spun from sunbeam, and to
meet her next day wearing deep chesnut colored
chignon.
That was shrewd advice Of learned lawyer 10
pupil when the facts are in your favor, but
the law opposed TO you, come out strong on the
facts and when the law is 10 your favor and the |
facts opposed to you, come out strong on the
law" But" inquired the student, when the |
law and the facts are both against me- what shall 4
1 dor Why, then," said the lawyer, talk
around it."
Poor Max Adeler Hear what be has to say
about hotel clerk: " | can shake hands with
q governor, sit beside an alderman, a1d smoke with
a State senator, and never feel my litteness but
when come to stand in the presence Of mod
eru hotel clerk. 1 feel that awe and inferority
which tourists feel as they stand in Yosemite val
ley and look up at the mOuntain-tOps thousand
feet above"
When the late General Thomas, q. S. A., was
asked for a farlOugh by a back-wOods soldier in
order that be might visit his wife, to whom be
had been married but three months, be replied:
7" Why, my dear fsllew. / haven't seen my wife
for three years" The back-woodsman stared iu-
at the General for a moment, and
then broke out. But yOu see me and my wife
amt that kind"
young lawyer 10 q country town asked some
Of bis friends to game of cards 10 bis room, to
be followed by a supper. Frogs were new
species OF food in that latitude and dish Of them
cooked in the choicest way was the feature Of the
occasion. Supper time approached, and during
4 temporary lul in the conversation the door
suddenly opened, aud Mesian waiter, 10
loud voice. announced supper thus: "Mr. E.
item tuds is done. and supper is ready"
A countrymun stepped into young Whitlocks
drug store-who. by the way. keeps miscelIane-
bus assortment of books, among them Hugos
'93"-and said cOn6dentially, 1 want to fool
he old woman she's bin kinder heyen the ager.
md wants something TO warm her up, but she
won't take nOthin' but number SIX, and that
iOn't fnzs her, see BY the papers that you
have got some 90; want dimes worth, aud il
that doutdaich hsr, she's gone "-zsva Rasts
Express.