The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1874-03-13
''One Female Copyist.,
HOW THE CONGRESSIONAL ECONOMISTS
DUN A scAPEGOAT.
fFrom the New York Tribune. l

HOW II CONGRESSIONAL ECONOMISTS
FOUND A scAPEGoAT.
From the New York Tribune
They found her In the Interior Depart
ment in the office of the Fifth Auditor.
She has been there all the time. While
the American people were waiting 10. ner
TO be produced; while Congress wrung It's
hands and walled that she could not be dis
covered, and while a fierce and eager COM
mittee went prancing through all the de
partments, with telescope and microscope.
shot-guns and fishing-tackle, hunting for
her as the Senate hunts for evidence when
there's anybody { o be vindicated-there
she sat in the Interior Department in the
Office Of Fifth Auditor Ella, on a high stool
at "A desk. calmly and deliberately sucking
the likelihood OF the Republic-if we may
be allowed the expression-and daily run
ming the nation deeper and deeper in debt.
She i a female copyist. As such she has
been drawing pay. She Is the only person
in the Civil-service of this great and glo-
riOus Republic who can be dispensed with.
Think OF " "A moment-or. If you have
plenty OF time, fifteen or twenty moments
lin all the departments at Washington
only one supernumerary, and she is a fe-
male copyist. They searched with lighted
candles through all Of them they sum
moned secretaries and chief clerks and
heads of bureaus; they brought in some
OF the ablest officers of the Government
from the billiard-saloons in the neighbor-
hood OF the departments, and they ques-
toned them vigorously and closely as TO
the possibility OF retrenchment by reduc-
ton OF force. The belief that somebody
was drawing pay whose services could just
az well be dispensed with amounted in the
Eiinds of this committee and of Congress
to a conviction. Else why was there a de
ficiency and an increase of the national
debt:
The pursuit of this person was fierce and
eager. Ii was suspected At one time that
il might be a man. But in none of the de
partments could there be found a man who
did not support the Administration and 90
home regularly to vote. The men who
did the work OF the departments could not
be spared and the men who sat up on high
stools and used quill toothpicks. and dis
cussed national politics with each other in
the various departments. were indispens-
able. without them the machinery of
Government would hardly run. They oil
II. They represent Congressional districts
in all parts of the Union. and their intlu-
ence l. felt at every election. Without
them a great many members of Congress
would be Obliged TO remain at home. and
the country would be at the mercy of al
most anybody the people might take a no.
ton to elect. The consequences of dis
missing such men would be- Unreasonable.
II l. doubtful if the country would survive
il. And yet the fact remained that some
DO y was drawing pay whose services
might be dispensed with. and the commit
tee proposed to hunt him or her down.
The hou of their triumph came. They had
secured the departments in vain for sew
eral days, but now. in the Interior Depart
ment. in the Office Of Fifth Auditor Ella.
they scent their quarry. Fifth Auditor Ella
had one female copyist whom he could
get along without. Heconfessed il. Very
likely he pointed her out. And the search
ended.
A. Mr.. Mat Carpenter aroused the en-
thusiasm of the Senate by his discovery of
the great stationery robbery by the repre-
sentatives of the press. so the committee
and the country have been thrilled by this
successful pursuit of the female copyist.
When Mr.. Carpenter threw himself back
in his seat. shook the wild tangles of his
frosty hair. and electrified the Senate with
the announcement that he had found
where S35.46 of the peoples money had
gone. il IA felt il was a step in the right
direction. and that If things kept on at
that rate il would very shortly happen that
all the leaks would be stopped. and Mr..
Richardson would resume the payment of
the national debt. But the work did not
stop there. The Committee on Appropri-
atoms Of the House. emulous of Carpcn-
ter's success. redoubled their diligence in
pursuit of the mar or woman who could
be dismissed from the public service with
Out imperiling the Government. And 30
the work of retrenchment goes bravely
on. The female copyist has no vote.
Doubtless she did nothing but sit at a
desk and write all day. taking no interest
in politics, and only earning a living for
herself. The propriety OF discharging her
no able-bodied man who sits on a high
stool and picks his teeth with a quill and
talks politics in any of the departments
will for one moment question.
And now we suggest that this thing has
been carried far enough. This pursuit OF
economy cannot be- other than very wear
ing to the health Of Congress. They dis
covered where $3.50 went and have stop
ped the leak. And they nave found where
the force i'm the department can be reduced
by tine discharge Of one female copyist.
The people are not unreasonable i'm their
demands. This will answer for the pres
ent. Now let Congress order some sloops-
of-war. and some public buildings. and
provide for some railroads to the Pacific.
and adjourn.