, 1874-08-20

At almost every step I fell into new
complications and difficulties. Tilton
ever tried to coerce my honor and con
science for procuring his extrication at
my expense. He knew me well enough
to work on the sympathy side of my ma.
ture, to which he addressed himself for
four years, using unscrupulously my
attachment to his friends. to his house.
hold and to himself. I was not blind
to his faults but was resolved to look
on him rs favorably and hopefully as
possible and ignorant of his deep NAL
ice, labored earnestly. even desperate,
ly, for his satisfaction. For four years
have been trying to feed the mans in
satiable egotism, to make the man as
great as he conceived himself to be.
Moulton came first as schoolmate
and friend of Tllton, who could serve
him without wronging any one. He
said he saw clearly how this could be
done so as to restore peace and harmony
to Tilton's home, and happily end all
misunderstanding. I never doubted
his friendship for me. Whatever he
wished me to I did. unless it semed
wrong. Ny confidence in him was my
only security in this confusion of tor.
mentlng perplexities. During this trou-
BILE sometimes felt that secret machin-
ations were going on against me, and
the vilest ISLANDERS concerning me were
in circulation. when some one of my
dear relations were set against me, a tat
tie of a crowd of malicious women, hos
tile to me on other grounds, was borne
to my ears; when found with unspeak-
able remorse that everything I had done
had made matters worse; that all at
tempts to avert public trial only bro't
scandal on me. and his unhappy wife
was completely under his dictation, sign
ing papers and recantations, and that
the destruction from which I had at
tempted to save his family was poured
on other families, that the Church ard
community believed me buried under
heaps of rubbish, from which only my
professed friends could extricate me.
Believing that he could do 50 I main
tanned the silence he enjoined, until
Tilton's attempts through Frank Car
penter to raise money from my friends,
by openly assailing me in q letter to
DR.. Bacon. Thereupon 1 called for an
investigation. For the delay in pub
fishing details. am not responsible.
All the harm I 80 DREADED and have
striven to avoid has come to pass. The
time has. however, arrived when can
speak in vindication of myself. I la
bour under the disadvantage Of a poor
memory for dates and details.
This is my position-I know my inno-
cence without being able to prove it
with detailed explanations. I am one
upon whom troubles work inwardly,
making me outwardiy silent, but re-
verbating in the chambers of my soul,
and when at length do speak it is
pent up; the flood pours without meas
ure or moderation. inherit tendency
to sadness-remains of positive hypo-
chondera in my father and grandfather
and IN certain moods of creation the
world becomes black, and see this very
despondency in some of my letters to
Moulton. As I reflect, this morbid feel
ing he understood and at times earnest
ly reproved NE for indulging in it.
I first knew 1ilton as reporter of my
sermons; he was then youth working
on the Observer. Thence he passed to
the Independent and became favorite
with Bowen. In 1861 became Editor
of the Independent. One inducsment
held out to me was that Tilton should
assist me, to relieve me from routine
work. In this way I became much at
tached to him, and we became the most
confidential of friends. While my fami-
ly enjoyed their vacations, my duties
kept mo in the city. I took my meals
with families of my friends, and became
SO familiar with their children and
houses that went in and out daily, al.
most as if at home. Tilton often urged
me to make his house my home, men
tioning in extravagant terms his wife's
esteem and affection for me. Finally l
began to visit his house, which he sou't
to make attractive. He urged me to
bring my books and papers there and
do my Writing in his study. In 1868,
during my absence in England, he be-
Icame responsible Editor of the Indepen-
dent and later Editor-in Chief. In
1866, on account of my cloth and letter,
he made violent assault on me through
the Independent. and my connection
with the paper was severed. Though we
remained friendly, yet there was cool
ness between US in matters of politics.
While sitting for portraits with Page,
at his request, I first met Moulton.
During this time I never received the
slightest hit from Tilton or any mem-
Der of his family that there was dissat-
isfaction with my familiar relations with
his household. Tilton never complain
ed of my visits until he began to fear
that the Independents would be taken
from him, nor did he break into violence
until on the eve Of his dismissal from
both papers, the Independent and the
Brooklyn Union, owned by Bowen.
During these years of intimacy in Til
tons family I was treated as father or
older brother. Children were born
children died. They learned to love
mo and frolic with me as if was one
Of themselves. loved them and had