The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-06-11
Sense and Nonsense.

The proposition to introduce ladies az
railroad conductors is frowned upon in
view of the fact that their trains are al
ways behind.
In Siberia whispers can be heard half
mile, and when fellow goes sparkling
he carries a slate and writes down what
he intends to say.
A KANSAS book agent says he can sell
ten dime novels to one work Oh religion,
and he looks for earthquakes and hurri-
canes to visit that State.
"BoY, is that licensed dog?" asked
Detroit policeman. "No," said the
youngster; "he's rat terrier dog, and
Pm taking him down to have his teeth
fled"
If you wish to live to eighty-five in
full enjoyment Of all your faculties go to
bed at nine o'clock, eat twice day
moderately of plain food, and drink ac-
cOrdingly.
A DEAF old lady being asked if she
ever had her ears pierced by the wall of
distress, said she couldn't exactly remem-
ber, but she believed it was done with
shoemaker's awl.
AN exchange says that Michigan
man dreamed recently that his aunt was
dead. The dream proved true. He tried
the same dream on his mOther-in-law,
but it didn't work.
SCOTT COUNTY, Minnesota, contains
an extensive Limburger cheese factory.
The cheese is declared to be "ripe" when
a piece the size of bean will drive a
dog out of a lanyard.
CREMAToRY AGE. "Oh, ma! ma!
Johnny's got the urn and is spilling pas
ashes over the foor!" ooh, what q
naughty Johnny! Get the feather duster,
and sweep your poor father right up!"
CONVERSATION in Broadway cigar
store: "Have a cigar?" Yes, and if
its all the same to you Pll take three at
five cents rather than one at fifteen
cents" There are people who w pld call
that man mean.
A CAMEL and an elephant belonging
to a circus, were tied tC tree near a
railway, the other day, when an express
train came along The camel tainted
away, but the elephant started off with
the tree, the camel and the keeper.
GIT is a settled principle, your Honor"
said an eminent lawyer, "that causes
alway produce effects" "They always
do for the lawyers" blandly responded
the judge" but I've sometimes known
a single cause to deprive client of all
his effects"
A CORRESPONDENT thinks the best
thing that has yet happened to the Ar
kansas "war" was the telegraphic an
nOuncement that in a recent skirmish
the adherents of one Governor ended the
skirmish with the opponents by "driv-
ing them into the penitentiary."
"STEP in, step in," said Chatham
Street dealer to countryman; the
cheapest goods in the market" Have
you any fine shirts?" "a splendid
assortment, SIR" care they clean?"
"Of course, sir; clean to be sure"
"Then," said the countryman, gravely,
"you had better put one on.
WHILE recently visiting a cemetery a
friend overheard thrice-made widow
(not yet old or homely, who was stand
ing by three mounds) remark to another
friend, who is known to have been atten-
tive to the widow in her youth, 10,
you might have been i'm that row, had
you possessed little more courage"
A CLERGYMAN informed his people at
the close of his sermon that he intended
in few days to 60 on mission to the
heather. After the congregation was
dismissed, number Of the members
waited for their pastor, and, crowding
around him, expressed their astonish-
ment at the new turn in his affairs, ask
ing him where he was going, and how
long they would be deprived of his min.
istrations. He said to them: "My good
friends, do not be alarmed, am not 60
ing out of town."