The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-01-23
HUMOROUS
"a little nonsense now and then
Isrelished by the wisest men,"

Men of means are often the mean
est men.
"What is smile ?" asked a man
of little girl. "The whisper Of a
laugh" said she.
Sphinr says "the use of the bass
in the church of the olden times was
a violation of the Puritan Sabbath. .
A Chicago lady complains of the
unremittjng attention of her absent
husband. He never sends her any
money.
The Dsnbury NelUS man has dedi-
Gated his almanac to "that distin-
guished colaborer in the field of
meteorological horoscopy, infsm-
matory rheumatism"
See how wonderful are the ways
of nature in Illinois. A pair of
boots just costs two loads of pota-
toes, and to raise the potatoes just
wears out two pair Of boots.
The reason a boy gave for being
late at school was, that boy in the
next house was going to have a
dressing down with bed cord and
he wanted to hear him howl.
Mr.. G. T. B. Cass, an attorney of
] Marion, started on his quarterly
drunk, and when he got sober
found his wife in possession ofa bill
of divorce. :.
An Iowa newspaper proelaims it
self "honest newspaper" and in
another paragraph says "When a
man processes honesty, nowadays,
keep your eye peeled for thief"
A girl hearing her mistress ask
her husband to bring "Dombey and
Son" with him when he came home
to dinner, set two extra plates for
the expected guests.
Owing to the scarcity of news
boys in Pittsburg, every street car is
| furnished with copy of the bible,
the companies knowing that its CON
tents will afford news to most of the
passengers.
An Omaha girl introduced a ro-
mantle mode of suicide by stufing
her love letters down her throat un-
til she suffocated. She couldn't
swallow his unkind words, and so
came to her end.
"Pretty bad under foot" said one
citizen TO another as they met on the
street last Sunday. eyes, but it's
fine over head, " responded the other.
"That's true,7 replied the first, "but
few are going that way just now"
In q late gale lady asked a
neighbor if he was not afraid his
house would blow away ? "Oh, no."
was the answer, "the mortgage on it
is so heavy as to make that impos-
sible."
Mrs. Grant wears a No. 2 shoe.
This alone makes her pretty, But
there's young lady in Upper San
dusky who wears No. II, and still
she's not happy-apd won't be until
she gets that sandy headed little
fellow with pug nose.
A preacher took up a collection on
Sunday, and found when his hat
was returned there was not penny
in it. "Thank God," said he, turning
the hat up side down, and tapping
the crown of it with his hand, ''that
/ have got nv hat back from this
congregation"
Thirteen roosters per annum-
strictly in advance" is the subscrip-
ton price ofthe Bloomington, Iowa,
Democrat. Another paper in the
same State says Fifteen pounds
Of dried apples is the minimum
charge for a frst-class marriage
notice. One with poetry cost more.
A lady who was stoning raisins
left the room, leaving her small boy,
forbidding his touching the fruit in
her absence. swell, Charley, did
you take any raisins P' 'sNo, ma
ma" "Yow know, if you did, God
saw you" "Yes, 1 know He did,
but He won't tell"
A facetious senior asked fisher
man to tell him the difference be-
tween a facsimile and sick family;
but the laugh was on the senior, for
the fisherman instantly replied: "No
difference. A sick family is family
that is sick, and q facsimile means
the same.
A Roman Catholic Bishop being
invited to open the Vermont Legis-
lature, some time since, surprised
that body by uttering the following
petition "May corruption and sin
Of every form be as far from every
member of this Legislature as Thou
art, o Lord"
A female justice in Wyoming re-
Gently had her husband brought be-
fore her on a charge of drunkenness.
The poor man was penitent, but the
Justice was inexorable, inficting the
penalty of a fine, and then, as a
loving spouse, paid the fine herself
to prevent her husband going to
prison.
One of the most interesting fea-
lures Of the Philadelphia Centennial
Exhibition will be a cage containing
all the obituary writers of that city.
The champion, who will occupy a
prominent position near the door,
has lately produced the following
''No more his pa win candy bring
Unto his darling boy;
He loud aOft win praises sing.
Expressive of his JOY.
With little angels he will stay,
His rattle spring withpride,
And bless the day when far away
he laid them down and died.
Gone to meet his grandmother"
The last line the author considers
too good to associate with anything |
else in Enolish verse and he nlorao