National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1874-08-05
HUMOROUS PARAqRAPHs

That was bright little child who inquired:
ma, when cows die, do they all 60 to the
Milky Wsy1'"
If bird in the hand Is worth two IN the bush,
It is no less true that q thorn In the bush e
worth two in the hand.
There Is nothing more calculated to weaken
boys moral character than to get HIS fishing
hook fastened on rubbish in the river.
"sam, why don't you talk 70 your master
and tell him to lay up treasures IN heaYeni'
| whats de use Of him laying M treasures m
dart He never see UNI again.
kissing eroquet" Is the latest. According
70 It's rules lady Is allowed to move her ball
SIX inches every time she fsVors her gentleman
opponent with q cares.
Delicately Put Customer: "Pn afraid Pm
getting . little baldp' Operator: % Well, Sir,
think, sir, when you attend public worship, II
I was you, I'd sit In the gallery"
| PedAgogue: First little boy, what q your
| nameP' Little boy: "Jule." Pedagogue: doh,
no; your name is julius. Next little boy,
what Is yoursP Second boy; "My name 4
When one ofour city roughs wants blie,"
says New York paper, "and can't get any
thing else, he puts up with q nose. The human
| proboscis seems to be considered great deli
| cacy among them"
Some one wrote to Horace Greeley inqulring
II guano was good to put on potatoes. He said
Il might DO for those whose tasts had become
vitiated With tobacco and rum, but be preferred
gravy and butte::. sFrsk-f y.
j politician, wishing TO compliment wall
to-do farmer, said: "You must have begun
NE early 70 accumulate such an estate &c
this" Eyes" replied the farmer, 81 began
Life when was mere baby" = 80
Head master (sweetly:) t'Iiavs YOU eaughs
anything, BrownP Brown, the truant: dEo.
STR Rqthing, ST." Head master (stiIl more
sweetly) well, come to my study at ten to-
N morrow morning and you shah catch SOue-
''What do you know Of the character Of tbls
manP. was asked Of q witness a. q police court
the other day. "What do know Of his char
aeteri know Il to be unbleaehable, your
homo" be replied with much emphasis.
The New York rural editors, who recently
went marching through Georgia and other
Southern localities, ''eut sWath Of desola-
ton" as one editor describes it, compared
with which the movement Of Sherman's army
was q spring opening"
An elderly maiden IN Lockport, N. T., pur-
chased one Of the Egyptian mumnies at the
Niagara Falls museum the other day for par
Tor ornament. She said It would seem better
to have man around, even If he was advanced
IN life and Eithered.
Two gentlemen from Ireland were standing
at the Paramount water works, in Philadelphia,
watching the big wheels splashing the water,
when one of them remarked: "Mike, isn't this
quare country where they have to grind their
water before they can use I'll
Scotehman went to q LAWYER once for adj
vice, and detailed the circumstances Of the case.
Have you told me the facts precisely as they
occurred Z" asked the lawyer. "Oh, ave SIR 70
replied he. II thought It best to ten you the
plain truth. Ye can put the lies in It your
"A Kalamazoo judge went to a neighSoring
Town TO see man, and telegTAphed back 70
in q week" When the dispatch reached her
i read: "Have found girl, and won't be home
10 week" Here let Us draw q veil.