Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-18
PHUNNYGRAMS.

An Oakland young lady entered a
drug store lately and wanted to see the
papers for a week back, and the intelligent
clerk showed her a roll of sticking
plaster
"A wOuld-be poet went to a grocer's
uptown the other day, and asked for a
quart of midnight OIL" 1t seems he had
been told that poets consumed no other! !
The new vest has deep pocket which
completely hides cigar, so that the man
who asks you for 1.-The mate to that can
never bring a blush to your face by dis
covering it after you have told him, Il
haven't another-a fellow just gave me
this"
"A wife was enjoined by the doctor to
give her husband all the delicacies she
could procure, as there was no prospect
OF his recovering. No prospect OF his
recoyery?" said the loving spouse; then
what's the use of wasting dainty bits upon
MIN II they won't cure him?'
Dialogue in Cemetery: Wife" All,
husband, do you see this beautiful carv-
ng?-how delicately cut in the pure
white stoner' Husband" Yes, very
pretty" Wife" But, William, you have
no taste for art; you don't enjoy these
things as do. Just notice this slender
column of immaculate marble, with the
touching question so beautifully carved:
DO they miss me at home %" Husband
Yes, see; and here is her name on the
toot-stone-' G. A. B. Yes, l guess they
miss her, if that was her name" And
there came silence.
"A young lady in San Jose, Cal, about
a month ago secretly married the man of
her choice and then went right along
attending to her business as If nothing
had happened. But the other day the
happy couple concluded to publish their
marriage in the Mercury, and the old man
sawlt. Showing the notice to his daughter,
he sternly demanded, What does this
mean? Is il joke, Maria Jane, or is it
reality?" The daughter raised her head,
her face sutfused with bushes, and an
swered, Yes, father, it is joke on your
The old man subsidized.
Domestic Incident -Scene-Oh,
most anywhere. Time-morning. Sister
(hOme from bOarding-scho0l, to brother
gerOus) =" Willy, the orient flames with
golden splendor-arise! our morning re-
lection awaits your presenCe" (William
w SSAA ASdA.J h1OlIISI kSIIOulS elAICA w Oh VI
and making great Gathering on the bal
listers with a broomstick)-" Will
lillian! get up this instant, you lazy dog
skin you, and come down to breakfast"
(William doesn't hear) Father "a few
minutes later" Billn' William Spring
ing out of bed)-" Coming, sir r'-BOst0n
Courier.
1t wasn't at Chesaning, but little
further up the country, thatJ. E. Warner,
the Michigan Snowman, picked up an
Item one day two or three years ago. The
affair shows that partnerships are not
always pleasant, even if they are profita-
bic. Joe was advertising agent for Van
Amburgh then, and he reached a town and
mounted the stairs of printing office to
make contract for advertising. He
heard great rUmpus as he assembled the
stairs, and upon opening the door found
two men struggling on the floor as if they
meant to destroy each other. "Here!
what's all this row about?" he inquired
as he stood over them. The men paused,
breathing like "heavy" horses, and one
of them said: Were partners, and
we're trying to decide who is boss"
Well, who IS boss ?" asked Joe =" I
want to get some advertising done" 81
can't tell you just yet, stranger" replied
the man, commencing to claw again;
take a cheer until this little wrastle is
decided !''-DetrOt Free Press.