Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-04-24
Fl UM OR.

II u III " IL.
A SermoniZer made these remarks on
the following soul saving question MY
brethren, man cannot afford to lose his
soul. He's got but one, and he can't get
another 1t man loses his horse he can
get another; if he loses his wife he can get
another; if he loses his child he can get
another; but if he loses his soul-good by,
John.'
The coming poet in Napoleon, Ohio,
MARBLES:
IT'S midnight, and the settin sun
Is rising in the wide, wide West,
The rapid rivers slowly run;
The frog is On his downy nest !;
The pensive ghost and sportiye COW
Hilarious hop from bough to bough.
A Nebraska Journal invitingly says =
"Who says farmers cannot get rich in this
State? Fifteen years ago young man came
to this State without a dollarin the world.
Last week he went out of the State, carry
ing with him the sum of one dollar and
thirty-eight cents, the savings of fifteen
years of frugal life. Come West, young
man, come West"
"The theatre at Sidney appears to be in
a very fourishing state,' said a gentleman
to John Kemble, speaking of the Botany
Bay theatricals. Is es," replied the ira
gedian, ''the performers ought to be all
good, for they have been selected and sent
to- that situation by very excellent judges"
A saloon keeper in one of the towns
where the women's whiskey warts raging,
made centre shot when he replied to q
lady who asked him why he kept his win
dow glazed and screen in front of the
door, that it was to 'hide the temperance
men when they came in for drink
We see a good idea suggested by an ex-
change viz: Number the joints and ell
bows Of your stovepipes before you remove
your stoves, and you will find little trouble
and save all the usual amount of swearing
done in the fall when again you wish to
put them together.
s'What would our wives say if they knew
where We are" said the captain of
schooner when they were beating about in
deep fog, fearful of going ashore
''Hnmphs, I shouldn't mind that" re-
piled the mate, eff we only knew where
we were ourselves"
A lady had her dress trimmed with bu-
giles before going to a ball. Her little
daughter wanted to know if the bugles
would blow when she danced ? ooh, no."
said the mother papa will do that when
he sees the bill"
The difference between having tooth
properly drawn by a professional surgeon,
and having it knocked out miscellaneously
by fall on the pavement, is only slight
distinction-one is dental and the other
accidental.
A Authenticated Vermonter got aboard
asteamerfor the first time, and fell through
the hatchway into the hold, when being
unhurt, lie was heard to express his sur
prise: "Well, if the darned thing amt
holler''
A tombstone in the Yazoo, Mississippi,
cemetery bears the following inscription:
''Here lies inferred Priscilla Bird,
Who sang on earth till sixty-two;
Now up Oh high: above the sky,
No doubt she sings like sixty, too.'
What will not woman do, says Brook
Ign paper, for the man she loves p
ssHer hand was the first to reach and drag
The bottle from the shelf
st is your curse, dear JOHN she said,
And drank it up herself.''
When a negro down in Louisiana was
hauled up for stealing bacon, he put in as
a defence that he was told by his political
teacher that now, when he had the right
to vote, he must take s'sides" somewhere,
An indianapolis father shot six times at
a supposed burglar, and was astonished to
hear the fellow ask, "Whazzer mazzer.
fazzer? whazzer doing ?''
Texas judges are accommodating fell
lows. One Of them who fined man three
hundred dollars took twenty-dollar mule
and called it square.
Mrs. Bismark is said to have the largest
feet Of any woman in Germany. 1t creates
great deal Of curiosity to see her among
the Chicago ladies.
Dio Lewis is the man who kept up
Utica audience until 1920, explaining to
them the good results of going to bed
promptly at nine.
A Brooklyn sewing society fines any
member who talks scandal, S.. 90 for each
offence; only the wealthy are able to at
tend.
One thing, said an old topper, was never
seen coming through the rye, and that's
the kind of Whiskey one gets nowadays.
A Wisconsin dairyman has made inquir-
les regarding the "cremation'' business.
1t is rather cool in San Francisco paper
to advise a young man to ''go West.''
NOTHING tells so much ON a man AZ q Uos