The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-10-21
Mark Tualn'- Cold.

Mark Twain recently sent the fol-
lowing letter as an excuse for not At
tending a Sunday school celebra-
ton.
HARTFORD, COM, October 5, 1874.
Mss K. W. White:
Dear Madam regret exceeding
ly being unable to accept your kind
invitation (also Mr.. P. G.. Dufiy's) to
be present at your commencement ex-
ercises. but the annoying aud vexa-
tious illness which still hangs about
me, together with some business en-
gagements, will prevent. The illness
to which | refer is a severe cold
which took in New York last week
during the lecture season. Perhaps
the recital of how / tried to cure this
cold may be of interest, and may
serve instead Of the few remarks you
SO politely asked me to make to the
friends aud pupils
The first time began to sneeze,
friend told me to go and battle my
feet in hot water and go to bed. 1
did 50. Shortly after anotber friend
told me to get up and take q cold
shower-bath. / did that also. With
in the hour, another friend assured me
that it was policy to feed a cold and
starve fever. had both. So l
thought it best to I'll myself up for
the cold, and let the fever starve
awhile. In q case of this kind | sell
dom do things by halves; ate pretty
heartily. / conferred my custom up
on a stranger, who had just opened
his restaurant on COrtlandt street
near the hotel, that morning, paying
so much for a full neal He waited
near me in respectful silence until l
had finished feeding my cold, when
be inquired If the people about New
York were much afflicted with colds
/ told him / thought they were.
He then went cut and took in his
sign.
/ started up toward the Office, and
on the way encountered another bo-
som friend who told me that a quart
of warm saltwater would come as
near curing a cold as anything in the
world. / hardly thought / had room
for it, but / tried it, anyhow. The
result was surprising. believed l
threw up my immortal soul. Now,
as give my experience only for the
benefit Of your friends who are
troubled with this distemper, / feel
that they will see the propriety of
my eautioning them against following
such portions of it SIS proved inefh-
cient with me, and acting upon this
conviction / warn them against
warm saltwater. 1t may be a good
enough remedy, but | think it is
rather severe. If / bad anothe. cold
in the head, and there was no course
left me TO take either an earthquake
or a quart of warm water, ] would
take nv chances on the earthquake.
After this everybody ia the hotel
became interested, and | took all
sorts Of remedies-hot lemonade, cold
lemonade, pepper tea, bOneset, stew
ed Quaker, hOarhOu1d syrup, onions
and loafsugar, lemons and brown
sugar. vinegar and laudanum, five
bottles fr barsam, eight bottles cher
ry peetOral. and ten bottles Of Uncle
Sans remedy, but all without effect.
One Of the prescriptions given by an
old lady was-well, it was dreadful.
She mixed a decoction composed Of
molasses, eatnip, peppermint, aqua
fortis. turpentine, kerosene, and Tari-
ozso.her drugs, and instructed me TO
take 8 Wiuegiassfnl of it every fifteen
minutes. j never took bat one dose;
that was enough. ! had to take my
bed. and remain there for two or three
DAYS. When l felt a little better
more things were recommended. 1.
was desperate, and willing to take
anything. Plain gin was reeommen-
ded then gin anu molasses, then gin
and onions. took all three. i de-
tected no particular result, however,
except that I had acquired q breath
ike turkey buzzsrd, and had to
change my boarding place. At this
new place they suggested a new
remedy to any yet tried. A sheet
hath was recommended l bad
never refused a remedy yet, and It
seemed poor policy to commence then;
therefore | determined 10 take
sheet bath. though had no idea what
sort of arrangement it was. II was
administered at midnight, and the
weather was very frosty. My back
and breast were stripped, and sheet
There appeared TO be a thousand
wards Of It'd soaked in ice water was
wound around me until ! resembeda
swab for a columbiad. It's a cruel
exnedient When the chilly rag
tonehes ones warm flesh il makes
hio, start with sudden violence, ana
ersso for breath, jnst as men DO IN
the death agony. II froze the mar-
row in nv bones and stopped the
heating Of nv heart thought my
ii me had come. Wben j recovered
from this a friend reeOmE-elqea tne
apDIieation Of a mustard plaster 70
~ breast I believe that would
have cured me effectually if It had
mot been for young Clemens Wben
/ went TO bed / pat the mustard Plas,
ter where / could reach It when
sbo1ld be ready for il. But young
C,Ior,e,s cot hungry in the night, and
have ,s e such an appetite. 1 am conf,
dent that be would have eaten me u
1 bad been healthy Amer al
that / dread going to New l orA,
and ,11i feel obliged 70 decline your
Eh~ Ei"d in Invitation Wishing you q
pleasant plea and successful time l re-
main. very respectfully,
S. l. CLEMESs
MARX Twain,