The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1874-09-17

why should the opinion of "a person
who does not use cheap perfumery DEE
suspected Because he IS wanting IN
common scents.
Twenty five cents worth of green water.
melon, judiciously administered. will
keep your neighbors boy of your gait tor
a while.
The wicked flea. 1T amt so mnch tho
biting, ii only the plague thing wouldn't
keep getting up and sitting down AN the
time Exactly.
Glass eyes are cheaper now than for
twenty-five years before and the prudent
man will lay in his winter stock and feel
burden roll of his shoulders
Why is the letter the most fortunate
of all the vowels2 Because it Is iu the
midst Of bliss while Il is in hell aud ulI
the other novels are in purgatory.
When II Kentucky hen lays ou egg eight
inches long, all the roosters ian the neigh
borbood get together and hold an ccumeu-
ical council over il.
MY notion of a wife at forty" said
Douglas Jerrold, "is that man should
he able to change her like a bank note.
for two twenties.
One Of the Swiss cantons, il is suid.
compels every newly married couple to
plant six trees Immediately after tho ccr-
emony, and two on the birth of every
child.
When wife is detected showing m.
usual affection for her husband, 30 may
fairly be expected that She will appear
before long in u new bonnet
Thirty days in jail is the price for
throwing your wife out Of doors In Green
vile, Conn. These domestic nmusemeut-
will soon be so cheap rs to be within tho
reach OF the poorest.
1t was darling Gweorge" when
bridal couple left Omaha; il was "denr
George at Chicago; at Detroit il was
George" and when they reached Niagara
Falls it was "Say, you"
A correspondent explains that married
men have their hair cut short during
the vacation because they do not, boz
the absence of their wives, need
it to deaden the blows Of the rolling
pin.
1t is said that at three years old we love
our mothers; at six, our fathers; 40 ten,
holidays; at sixteen, dress; at twenty.
our sweethearts; at twenty-five, our wives;
at forty, our children, and at sixty. our
selves.
If about these times you should acci-
dentally &c, into an orchard and draw
two pears, and the old man should happen
along with full hand Of clubs, pass out
he might go in blind and raise you.
Miss Matte Harris, Of Viclsburg,
Miss, now at the Montgomery White
Sulphur Springs, is said to be one of tho
most accomplished performers on the
violin now in the country. She also
reads and recites with remarkable ac-
curacy.
"What do you know OF the character
Of this man? was asked Of "a witness at
polce-court the other day. "Whit do i
know Of his charaeterY know IL To be uu-
detachable, your honor" he replied with
much emphasis.
When they tried TO force Miss Gny,o
Independence, Missouri, into a marriage
against her will, she kicked the minister
hat of, knocked the young man down aud
rode of on a mule, with one foot ON each
side Of him.
When Tennessee husband will horse
whip his wife for washing potatoes boa DTS
Sunday plug hat, it is time % enquire
whether this generation of men isn't getting
70 be too coutounded high-toned for the
age Of the country?
Mrs. Tracy, Of Missouri, had been
sick a long time, and Tracy bad her coffin
in the barn. When she died the coffin
was found four inches too short
and the neighbors wouldn't even let him
saw four inches Of the body off 10 make 10
ft
When you want to find out IN the couu-
try ifa girl is counting or not, an old lady
steps in and remark. ~ say, there aint
no one sick in this here house OF nOthiu'.
is there? j seen light burniu' nigh
onto IL o'clock last night, but / don't
smell no campfire or nOthin' round"
"What should a man do, asked gem
tleman Of a lady, "when he has an oppor-
tunity 10 correspond with a charming
woman, but, being bachelor, is a little
afraid Of such business" 81 should say
10 him Do write" answered the lady.
The Grange has been peculiarly happy
in uniting the whole family-lather
mother, sons and daughters. This
makes the grange a home-the social
feature which has contributed 80 largely
to the most miraculous growth of the or
der.
Boy" said traveller to a disobedieut
youth whom he encountered 'dOnt you
hear your father speaking 10 you n "Ohl
y-a-a-s," replied the youth, "bnt 1 don't
mind what he says Mother don't neither,
and 'twixt she and 1, we've about got the
dog 80 he don't"
The Milwaukee Sentinel relates that
while prominent preacher Of that city
was recently making a PASTORAL visit, the
lady brought out a number Of engrav-
ings she had just purchased. The cau-
tious pastor few through the front door,
and sent his boy around for his hat after
ward
Gan old man and his wife who came
in by the Central road yesterday morning
saw about thirty hacks al the depot, and
about thirty hackmen shouting Hacki
at them The man took il all as a hieb
compliment, and turning 10 the old ry
he said, 4 tell you, mother, they E
we are something great, or they'd rsraE