The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-12-11
numerous.

A Kangaroo is a curious chap; when
it's wide awake it's leaping.
Many a man, who thought he had
made a bargain buying silks, found that
he had got vorsted.
A Fort Plain merchant advertises his
goods at oxTUn. That man has always
steered clear Of newspapers.
The editor of Nevada newspaper
gives notice that he can not be bribed
with a tive-cent cigar to write five-dol-
lar puff.
A man IN danger Of being hanged said
that OF all the games of his childhood,
skipping the rope would be the most
agreeable.
''Swears IL Dams is the name of a
legal firm in st. Louis Tribune. Such
a firm as that ought to have a heavy
cussed- Commercial Advertiser.
A reporter of a Louisville paper re-
Gently found a pocket-book filed with
money, and Immediately handed it over
to the police. The money was counter
felt.
GLOW does that look, ehl" said big
listed Wall street man to friend, hold
ing up one of his brawny hands.
''That, said the friend, Clocks as though
you'd goze short on soap"
A Witty CompIment-So witty a COM
pliment Is rarely made as that Of Sidney
Smiths to his friends, Mrs. Iighe and
Mrs. Cutie; ''Ahl there you are!-the
cuff that every one would be glad to wear,
and the tie that no one would lose. q"
Shortly after the recent illness of John
Hickman, Washington Townsend called
on him, and wishing to encourage him
remarked: 'Well, Hickman, can't see
that your appearance need trouble you.
''No, Townsend, replied the invalid, ''it
doesn't; it is my disappearance that trou.
bles me. a"
A sh.ewish wife, being very Ill, called
her husband to come and sit by her bed
side. This is a sad world, my dear, .
said the wife plaintively. ''Very," con
sidered the man. ''Were it not for YOU
1 should love to quit it" ''Oh, my
dear" eagerly responded the husband
show could you think I would interfere
with your happiness? Go, by all means!'
The lady got well.
Jenny June got a hat that turned up Oh
one side, and her husband criticised It 81
severely that she wore her old bonnet
when she went to see ''The sphinx, anC
lol It was the only one there. Everybody
had on a new hat and every one had i
turned up high on the sides. Said he
husband: "GOod heavens! have all tht
women gone crazy!" ''Yes, replied sht
meehy, ''and why can't 1 go crazy, too2'
''My dear, said he, ''you may; it woul(
be ridiculous to be the only sensible wo
man ia the world" So hereafter she i
going to wear her gray felt hat turned uE
on one side, in peace.
''Hafo you got some Of dot kind oi
oysters fwhat hafe been sphled?'
''Splled oysters! Yes, we have a few
cans let over from last week that thinl
viii fit you.
'How you solt 'em dozen?" is
go III sell 'em all right; you MAJ
have all you want for nickel"
''Vell, den, mine goot trent, vii yor
be so kind to pring me four dozen fol
dot dainaget lot."
The oysters were brought, and the
customer put them quietly down into til,
pit Of his stomach, and having finished
the job, said to the restaurer:
''NOw mine very knt trent, you have
got some goOt oysters, amt it,"
you're mighty right I have.
',,Nell, takes half a dozen raw unC
some pickles"
These were in turn served and pu
down on top Of those gone before. Blu
the restaurer was troubled, and wheI
the patron came to settle the bill, said t.
him:
''LOok here, pard, 1 don't like to b,
too inquisitive, but blowed ef wouldn'
like ter k4ow why you took fancy *
so many spilled oysters, and so few gooC
ones"
"Vell, " replied the man, 'syou have
peen a very good trent to me and so
told you something. You see, it vas di
way. I haf got a tape-worm, my kin
frent, you understand; und efry time do
Is de way hafe to do. You see dot las
half dozen, dem vas for me mineself
but dot damaget lot, dem vas for d.
tape-worm. You know dot I amt dol
knt of a Commodore Vanderbilt dat
can afford to preak up mine whole pusi
ness to feed tam tape-worm on goot
oysters. Is John Glade's Scrap-Book.