Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-05-21
What Happened TO the DeWberrys.

! Mrs. DEWBERRY, wife of James Dew
berry, is an exceedingly absentminded
woman, so absent-minded that she some
| times forgets to sew on her husbands
| battons and mend his socks, though, as
Mr.. Dewberry savagely remarks (brute
that he is ,, she never seems to forget
when she ought to have a new bonnet or
| gown, or thinks she ought when he don't,
for Mr.. D. is a man who does not approve
of too much dress for women.
! They would get along splendidly, how
ever, were it not for Mrs. Dewberry's little
| habit Of fOrgedulness, and the additional
! fact that she is somewhat deaf.
But just let me tell you what happened
| at the residence of the Dewberrys the
other night, and / feel sure you will sym
pathize not only with Mr.. Dewberry but
the unfortunate Mrs. Dewberry herself
Like all partially deaf people Mrs. Dew
berry is forever laboring under the deIu
sion that she hears all descriptions of
noises, and happening to wake up last
Thursday night about twelve O'Clock
became convinced, from sundry imaginary
sounds, that some one was breaking into
the house. She sat up in bed and listened
with both ears, one of which was little
more deaf than the other, and was sure
that some one was forcing an entrance
Though the basement window. She was
dreadfully frightened; visions of masked
robbers passed through her head So,
Selling her sleeping husband by the arm,
she shook him violently, screaming:
"James! James Wake up, | say.
There's robbers breaking imp
whats that?" exclaimed Mr.. Dew
berry, starting up and rubbing his aston
ished eyes,
"There's a band of masked robbers
getting in at the basement window"
answered Mrs. Dewberry, in great excite
ment.
MASKED robbersw shouted her hus-
band; 1.-THE dickens!' and with that he
sprang out of bed and, snatching the
night lamp, dashed down stairs, clad only
in his robe de na5t. Whereupon Mrs. D.,
instead of hanging over the balusters to
look after her husband, as any other
woman would have done, locked the door
and, jumping into bed, covered herself,
head and all, in the blankets; and as her
husband did not come back quite as soon
as she expected forgot all about him and
fell asleep. Meanwhile Mr.. Dewberry, in
search of the robbers, having armed him
self with his cane, crept softly down the
basement stairs and peeped cautiously
through the keyhole of the dining-roOm
door, fully expecting to find the room
filled with masked men, making off with
the silver But no, the apartment was
empty; and though he searched every
room and listened at every window and
door he could find no trace of robbers.
They might be downstairs feasting on
the contents of the larder; he had heard
of such things, and acting on this sugges-
IL oo1I 81
standing the cold bricks nearly froze his
bare feet. But there was no one in the
cellar either unless they were secreted in
the coal-bin, and Mr.. Dewberry, who
when he did thing always did it well,
mounted up on the edge of the bin and,
lamp in hand, peered down into its grimy
depths. Just as he had decided that there
was naught but coal in the bin a gust of
wind from the cellar window blew out
his light, and at the same instant Mr.
Dewberry lost his balance and fell head
first into the cOal-bin. 1t is unnecessary
to state what he said when he found him
self sprawling in that "beastly coal-bin''
he called it-but he certainly did look
rather peculiar when, after procuring
another light from the kitchen, he gained
his bedroom door with his night.shirt,
face, feet and hands blackened with coal
dust.
To his surprise he found the door
locked. He raped on it with his
knuckles and pounded on it with his feet.
but Mrs. Dewberry had gone to sleep with !
her deafest ear uppermost and not a
sound disturbed her peaceful rest.
COnfound the womanl what am I to
do?" thought the victimized Dewberrv
shivering with the cold He'd not stay |
there all night-that he was determined |
So he shouted and banged and shook the |
door until Mrs. Dewberry was aroused AT
last, and called out in a sleepy voice. |
"Who's thereg'
"Who's there, indeedr shouted the
irrte Mr.. D.; why, your husband, woman !
And why, in the name of goodness, don't |
you unlock this door,"
a haven't locked the door; no such a !
thing" veciferated Mrs. Dewberry, who |
had of course entirely forgotten the cir. |
cumstances; and you amt my husband /
either" she continued; 81 don't believe |
a word of it."
Not your husband ?" cried Mr.. Dew
berry; what next, l wonder? | am your |
husband. Didn't you send me to look for
robbers that were not there, cOnfound it |
all?
"Oh! yes, yes" answered Mrs. D., sud |
denly remembering all about it. "Wait |
a moment, Jim, and III let you in:'' and |
Mrs. Dewberry got out of bed and began |
cropping her way across the floor There |
being no light in the room she hadn't |
gone half yard before she put her foot |