The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-07-03
GRANGE sEoRETs REvEALED-HOsY
INITIArIoNs ARE CoNDuCTED.

informant, who was securely masked
by what 1 afterwards learned was a
large burdock leaf perforated with
holes for the eyes, told me that if /
valued my life it would be necessary
for me to strip. As | did consider
that of considerable worth to me, and
as he italicized his wishes by care
llessly playing with a seven shooter l
withdrew from my garments with
oagerness. My masked friend then
furnished me with the regalia of the
first degree, called "The Festive
Ploughboy," which consisted merely
of one large cabbage leaf attached to
the waistband Of potato vines. In
this airy costume I was conducted to
the door, where my companion gave
three distinct raps. q was securely
blindfolded by binding aliceof ruta
baga over each eye.) A sepulchral
voice from within asked; Z" Who
comes?"
My guide answered; IA youthful
agriculturist who desires to become
granger.
Sepulchral Voice-Hayey you looked
him carefully over?
Guide-I have, noble gate-geeper,
S. V.-Do you find any agricultural
marks about his person.
Guide-I do.
IS. V.-What are they! !, r
Guide-The candidate has carrotty
hair, reddish whiskers and q turn up
nose.
S. Wis we'll. Why doyou de-
sire to become a granger?
Guide--(answering for candidate)
That I may be thereby the better
enabled to harrow up the feelings of
the rascally politicians.
S. V.-You will bring in the candi-
date. My worthy STRIPPING, as you
cannot see, I will cause you to feel
that you are received at the door on
the three points of pitchfork, pierc-
ing the region of the stomach, which
is to teach you the three great virtues
faith, hope and charity. Faith in
yourself, hope for cheaper farm ma
chinery, and charity for rthe lightning
rod peddler. You will now be har-
messed, and in representation of the
horse Pegasus, will be tested as to
endurance and wind.
The candidate is here attached to
a small imitation plow by means of a
hempen harness. A dried pumpkin
vine is put in his mouth for a bit and
bride; he is made to go down on all
fours, tho guide seizes the bride, and
urged on by a granger armed with
Canada thistle, the candidate is gal
loped three times around the room.
While making the circuit the mem
bers rise and sing:
Get up and dust, YOU bully boy
Who wouldn't be q granger?
Ifthe thstes prick don't cause YOU Joy,
10 feeling you must be estrangedi ehl
After this violent exercise he is rub
bed dry with corn cobs, beeswaxed
where thistled, and brought standing
up before the great chief-the Most
Worshipful Pumpkin Head.
M. w. p. H. Why do you desire
to be granger?
Candidate, answering for himsell)
That l may learn to extinguish
sewing machine agents.
M. w. 2. H.-Have your hands
been hardened with toll?
Candidate Not extensively, but
then I am not running for office.
M. w. 2. II. Ills well, for our
lodge contains several who are sup
posed to be ready to sacrifice them
selves for the good of their constitu-
ents.
NJ. w. P. H.-(savagely) Give mo
chaw Of tobacco!
Candidate, searching himself thor
oughly, but as there is no place about
him to stick pocket, tries to explain,
but the Most Worshipful Pumpkin
head interrupts him with
"Never mind, my dear young friend
/ am well aware that in your present
condition you can no more furnish
your friends with the weed than
Adam could be comfortable in plug
hat and tight boots. 1t is merely to
teach you the great lesson of econo-
my--doing to others as you'd like to
have them do to you. You will be
conducted to the Most Eminent
Squash Producer, who will teach you
the grand hailing sign Of distress.
The sign, my worthy young brother,
will insure you against most Of the
ills of the agriculturist--amongst
others, against droughts and being
bit by the ferocious grass-hopper."
The candidate is now conducted to
the Most Eminent Squash Producer,
who thus says: "My worthy brother,
l will now invest you with the order
of the Festive Ploughboy, which you
have well won by your heroic achieve
ment while harnessed; may you ever
wear it with pleasure TO yourself, and
may it be a means Of terror to your
enemies.
(M. E. S. p. then proceeds to in
vest the candidate with the regalia Of
the Festive Ploughboy, which con
sists Of long tomato necklace.
"Ihe grand hailing sign Of distress
is made by gently closing the left
eye, laying the right fore-fnger along
side the nose, and violently wagging
the ears. Itrequires practice but the
advantages are intense. 1t also has
an important signifcation, which you
viii do well to heed. The closing Of
the eye signifies that IN all your deal
ings with mankind, you are bound to |
have an eye to business. Laying the |
finger alongside tho nose is enble-
matical Of wisdom, and places You at |
once among the knowing ones" /
This is extremely handy il prognos- /
tieating new weather, and saves the /
wear and tear Of almanacs. Wagging I
The oars signifies sublimiLy Of pur- I
pose. ana Is thought to be emblcmat- /