Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-06-25
humorous department.
A DUMB DIALOGUE.

A DUMB DIALOGUE.
1t wrenches one badly to step on the wrong
stair, but few can hel p laughing at the awful
stride he makes. 1t is equally funny to see a
man meet the wrong customer" and 60 to
talking and gesticulating at him as if he were
somebody else.
Jones went out to the deaf and dumb asy-
lum the other day to inspect the institution.
Upon entering he encountered man, evi-
dently an inmate, and he at once endeavored
to explain to the man by making signs upon
his fingers that he wanted to look through
the place. The man also made signs which
Jones could not comprehend. Then Jones
made other and more elaborate motions, which
set the man at work with greater violence,
and for the next ten minutes they stood in
the hall gesticulating and twisting their fin
gers without either being able to comprehend
what the other meant. Finally Jones became
angry, and in an outburst Of wrath exclaimed: a:
o, get out, you idiot! I'm tired of bother
ing with your
Thereupon the man said, "Thats just what
was going to say about you"
20, you can speak, can you? Then why
didn't you do so, and not keep me standing
motiouing to you? I thought you were deaf
and dumb"
'And thought you were" said the man.
81 came here to inspect the asylum" said
Jones, "and took you for patient"
"That's what | came here for, and thought
you were an attendant" said the man.
Here Jones and the man shook hands and
hunted up a genuine attendant, and went
away happy. After this, Jones will always
use his tongue, no matter where he is.
"BUr THEY HAVE Done IT."-A man
shut up in Jail entertained belief that he
was illegally confined, and so sent for law
yer, to consult about the matter. After lis
tening to the prisoners story, the lawyer said,
"Put you in jail for that!''
Cant they, though? %
"Certainly not the thing is preposterous.
They cannot put man in jail for any such
actions"
"But they have, though" urged the priso-
ner, who fully agreed with the lawyer that
they couldn't do it; but was unable to get it
out Of his head that he was in Jail, neverthe-
less.
81 tell you, my dear fellow, it is impossible );
they cannot imprison you on charge like
that; it is against the law"
"But they hare done it," cried the prisoner,
stubbornly, and with rising anger, "and con-
found 'em, here am I want to get Out"
"But 1 say they can't do it, If you under
stood the first thing about law, you would see
they couldn't, yourself. Blackstone says"
"Confound Blackstone! Amt l here, and
haven't been here for the last six weeks?"
81 tell you they can't put you in Jail for
that" shouted the lawyer, springing out of his
chair and growing excited himself, because
his client refused to listen to the point of law
in the case.
"And 1 tell your yelled the prisoner,
jumping to his feet and dancing around with
excitement and evaporation, "they have done
it, and am here in Jail, and what in the
thunder's the use of saying they can't do it?'
A DAMsEL-One midsummer day, when
-Eolus slept and the thermometer stood in
the nineties, lady entered store not thous-
and miles off and inquired for parasols. The
obliging proprietor spread out before her
sam Piles Of a large and varied stock. "Have
you any of this shade of size larger?" said
the lady. The size larger was produced. 81
think on the whole prefer the size smaller"
The size smaller was presented. "Have you
any of this size a lighter shade of blue?' The
required shade was brought out Haven't
you any of this kind with a crooked handler"
The shade with the crooked handle appeared.
"Have you any with the crooked handle not
quite so heavy" said the lady, and so con-
tinued her inquiries for every conceivable size,
shade, and weight possible in the line of para
sols After nearly an hour had been thus
consumed the fair shopper gathered up her
handkerchief and gloves, and moved for the
door. "Cau't sell you parasol?" inquired
the exhausted proprietor. 20 dear, no." re-
piled the lady, 81 was merely inquring the
prices | am going into mourning and have
one for ale."-Ne,O Bedford Mercury.
ees- In one of the eastern towns of NIassa-
chusetts, lived, some years ago, Uncle Bill
a hard-working stone-mason, man of ready
wit, but, unfortunately, too much addicted to
drink. Regularly, each morning, at an early
hour, he made visit to the grocery store, to
lay IN stock of the ardent for the days con-
sumption. With the same regularity the
Rev. DIR. G., kindly-natured orthodox
clergyman, in quest of his morning chop or
midday roast, sought the village butchers
shop. After meeting often in their morning
walks, DR.. c. at last felt it his duty to
mildly reprove Uncle Bill for his easily be-
setting sin. So, one morning, after their usu-
al hearty salutations the good dominic began:
"You and 1 walk out early, Uncle Bill but
do you ever reflect how different are our er-
rands?" "Well, for that matter" said Uncle
Bill, eff we bring the thing down to Scripture
test, my errand will come out ahead" "How
SOP asked DR.. c.. "Why, you walk af:
ter the flesh, but l walk after the spirit"
LIGHT WASrED.-A patent-medicine ad-
vertisement says: "This article will cure
rheumatism of nineteen years standing"
As far as it goes this is perfectly satisfactory;
but we want light upon another view of the
matter. Suppose mans rheumatism is only
of three years standing, must he let it stand
sixteen years more before the medicine will
cure it? Or if it has stood twenty years, is
there no hope of remedy? We want to
know about this. 1t is going to be very un-
pleasant for man to endure rheumatism for
seventeen or eighteen years before he can take
medicine for it.-llar Adeler.
DEFYING THE BUzzARDs.-A fellow who
was in the habit Of getting drunk whenever
he went to town, in returning home one day
fell from his horse and was as quiet as though
dead. A buzzard spied him, flew round and
round, and lighting near, hoped up and
picked his nose, which aroused the fellow
little. The bird stepped up and struck him
again this brought one eye open, and as he
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