Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1874-12-24
Clark's Strategy.

Clark's Strategy.
1T is wise and appropriate aphor;sm
that Experience is dear school h 'ni
fools will learn in no other.n Cart Sa as
just received a diploma from this oa LAS
brated institution of learning. and nas,
he sits in pensive meditation DER the noe.
in his little room uptown, occasiopsl,,,
relieving the dull monotony of the hon.,
by reading Esop's fables for the bomsi,,
morals they impart; and he is bone:,
enough to acknowledge that the delinea
tions of certain longeared animal arc
most applicable to his case.
Clark reckoned without his host. - be
counted his chickens before they were
hatched;" he "built his castle in the air !,
He had dream of love as beautiful o.
an apple of gold set in picture of silver.
but when he grasped the fruit il crum,
bled to ashes. Poor Clark! this was tbs
dream: He had been summering mn IL
Fulton County, and there met a golden
haired beauty, the very memory of whom
made everything seem like sunshine 70
him. He adored pumpkins and doated
on carrots, because they were so nsar
the color of her hair. Her father was .
farmer, with broad acres and good bank
account; and Clark would stand, like
Moses, and view the landscape DER from
a neighboring hillside, casting his wish.
full eyes DER the fair and happy land that
he hoped might yet be his possession, #
he could get the girl and the old man
would kindly step down and QUITE
the graveyard.
Clark, by the way, 1as a sentimental
youth, full of romance and poetry. but
without sufficient courage to come un
and stand flat-footed and say nice little
pointed things to the girl, so what he
lacked of brave heart to win fair LADY,
he decided to make up by strategy. He,
therefore, planned a coup detat as brill.
liant as one of Napoleon's campaigns;
but, alas! for Clark, his Grouchy didn't
turn up as he expected and, like the i'll.
fated Corsican, he, too, had his Waterloo
He had read in his favorite romance of
those loves that sprang from a rescued
life, or from watching beside the pale
sufferers couch, and his plan was formed
at once. He would walk slowly down
the dusty road in the hot sunshine and
fall from the effects of the heat insensi-
BILE before the home of his fair adored
They would gather around him, tenderly
raise him up and gently bear him in, and
during the long days that he was slowly
recovering she would minister unto him
like an angel, and read to him and sing
beautiful songs that would ripen the SEN
ments of love; then, with beaming eyes
and thrilling heart, he would plead his
cause in glowing words and her head
would fall softly on his shoulder; then
signs and kisses and all would be we'll
"Jack should have Gill and nought
should go ILL.,"
1t was well planned, but Clark, in his
enthusiasm, forgot what old "Bobby"
had said of "the best laid schemes Of
mice and men," and, to use miners
expression, it didn't "pan OUT we'll
Unfortunately, the girl had just gone off
on visit to some distant relatives, so
when Clark came painting up the hot
road and fell and rolled over in his good
clothes in the dust, and kicked out spas
medically with his feet, the old farmer
and his harvest hands came out and
looked at him. The old farmer said he
was drunk. This was rather discourag
ing to Clark; but he was equal to the
emergency, and from the delirious way
in which he raised his hands to his head
they decided it case of sunstroke, and
taking him up by the arms and legs they
carried him into the house and stuck
him under the kitchen pump, while a
farm hand ran for the doctor. 1t was a
courage worthy of better cause, the
way Clark held still as the stream OF
cold water gushed over him and soaked
his suit; but knowing it was desperate
game, he PLAYED it we'll
Soon the old doctor came over to ex-
pertinent on the first case of sunstroke
he ever had, and he determined that the
country should resound in praise of his
wonderful skill. He got Clark on the
bed and began TO lather his head pre-
paratory to shaving it as clean Of hair
as billiard. ball. This was more
than Clark had bargained for, and
he began to wiggle; but he didn't cut
many scallops, however, for four men
held him still while the doctor shaved
his head of every hair. Then, while
Clark groaned and tried to kick, old ts-
culapius put huge fly blister ON the
caput of his sunstruck patient, and, leav,
ing 1t to draw, he laid fine mustard
plaster just under Clark's waistband,
while four men rubbed him with crash
towels to get up circulation. They got
up the suspended circuit of the vital
fluid, as Clark's raw hide clearly ind,
Gated and his yells were joy to the old
doctors heart, for he knew his patient
was out of danger, and leaving an old,
cross-eyed woman to nurse the GONZALES
cent patient the doctor went home anu
the farm hands to heir work.
Clark had borne all this terrible treat
ment, thinking the girl was at home, ana
that she would tenderly watch over him.
but when he learned from the old woman
that his beautiful adored had gone on q
two months visit he Topped out OF tina.
bed and danced like Fiji Islander, and
as soon as he paid the hundred-dollar
doctor bill for saving his life he got OUT
of Fulton County. He is at home now,
but entertains no visitors. HIS head
looks like red billiard ball, and he Is
very tender where the mustard plaster
rested.-N. Y. Dispatch.
CHRISTOPHER SMITH, of Cincinnati,
languishes in dungeon He wOOed anu