Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-02-16
MY DEAF WIFE AND AUNT.

don't know what evil genius prompted
the wickedness which perpetrated to-
ward my wife and ancient relation
MY dear said l to my wife on the
day before my aunt's arrival, '.you
know Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow
we'll, | forgot to mention rather an
noying circumstance with regard to her.
She is very deaf; and although she can
hear my voice, yet you will be obliged
to speak extremely loud in order to be
heard. 1t will be rather inconvenient.
but | know you will DO everything in
your power to make her visit agreeable"
Mrs. announced her determina-
ton to make herself heard if in her pow
er.
| then went to John ". who loves
joke about as we'll as any person
know of, and told him to be in the house
at P. NJ. the following evening, and
felt comparatively happy.
| went to the railroad depot with
carriage next night. and when | was on
my way home with my aunt, | said
My dear aunt, there is one rather an
noying infrmity that Annie (my wife)
has, which [ forgot to mention before
She is very deaf, and although she can
| hear my voice, to which she is accus.
toned, in its ordinary tones, yet you
will be obliged to speak extremely loud
in order to be heard. | am sorry for it. -
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
speaking aloud. and to do so would af-
ford her great pleasure.
The carriage drove upon the steps
was my wife-in the window was John
I ", with a face as utterly solemn as
if he had buried his relatives that after
noon.
Il am delighted to see you" shrieked
my wife. and the policeman on the op-
posite side was startled, and my aunt
nearly fell down the steps.
kiss me, my dear" bawled my aunt,
and the windows shook as if with the
fever and ague. looked at the window,
but John had disappeared. Human ma
ture could stand it no longer l poked
my head into the carriage and went into
strong commissions.
When | went into the parlor my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take off her
hat and cape and there sat John with
his face buried in his handkerchief.
Did you have pleasant journey p
suddenly went off my wife like a pistol,
and John nearly jumped to his feet
Rather dusty" was the response, in
a war-whoop, and the conversation con-
tinued
The neighbors for blocks around must
have heard it. When | was in the third
story of the building heard every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to NE How loud
your wife talks -
| told her deaf persons talked loudly
and that nay wife being used to it. was
not affected by the exertion. and thai
she was getting along very nicely with
her
Presently my wife said softly-"Alf
how very loud your aunt talks
Yes said |, '.all deaf persons do
You're getting along with her finely
she hears every wOid you say And
rather think she did.
Exalted at their success of being un
derstood. they went it hammer and tong
!, till everything on the mantelpiece clat
tered again, and | was seriously afraic
Of 2 crowd collecting in front of tn
house.
But the end was near. Ny aunt be
ing of an investigating turn Of mind
was desirous Of finding out whether th
exertion of talking was injurious to m
wife. So-"Docsn't talking 50 lou
strain your lungs q said she, in an un
earthly whoop, for her voice was not a
= musical as it was when she was young.
'It is an exertion." shrieked my wife
Then why do you do it p was th
answering scream.
"Because-because-you can't hea
if don't"
I, What - said aunt. rivaling a raj
road whistle at the time
/ began TO think it time to eyacuat
the premises and looking around al
seeing John gone, | stepped into th
: back parIor. and there be lay fat on hi
back. with his feet at right angles wit
o his body, rolling from side 70 side wit
. his fist poked into his ribs, and MOI
; agonized expression Of couDtenanee, br
not uttering sound. immediatel
i and involuntarily assumed similar a
!. titude, and I think from the relative p
h sition Of our feet and heads and our a
it tempts T. restrain our laughter. ap'
Ir plezy must inevitably have ensaed, if
If horrible groan which John gave vent Q
re in bis endeayor to suppress his Fisibilit
q had not betrayed our hiding place.
7 In rushed my wife and aunt, who b
! this time cemprehebded the joke. an
% such a soolding as got then never g