The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-12-19
VARIETY.

An Alabama girl slid down a rope ladder
stole a horse. rode twelve miles and paid tbs
pastors fee, rather than not havo the marriage
ceremony come OF.
A Terra Haute child, on being asked what she
would do IL her mother should die, said: So
would die, too" Being asked how she would
die, replied: " Eat myself to death"
"a Which Of the FIJI Islands are you from p
asked a visitor Of one OF Barnum's cannibals the
other day. - Tipperary, bedad :" was the reply
Of the ravenous anthropophagist.
A Saratoga belle, who six months ago was 50
hnguid that she could scarcely support herself at
the altar, now throws a fat-iron ffty-fve feet,
and hits her husband every time.
A Farmer sent an order to London tradesman
for clock He said he should prefer one made
by Tempus Fugit, as all the best clocks in his
neighbourhOOd had that name on the face.
An epterprising reporter in Arkansas, who was
lately sentenced to the State prison for horse
stealing, applied to his employers " to be con-
tInued on the Journal as penitentiary correspon-
dent" -
What do you know the character of this
mani - was asked Of a witness at a police court
the other day. '' hat do 1 know Of his charae-
ter know it to be unbeachable, your honour
he replied with much emphasis.
When Lord Palmerston was asked to support
the bill for legalising marriage with deceased
wife's sister, he said that the only advantage of
the change Of law would be that the man who
married twice under such circumstances would
not have two mOthers-in-law-
Afflicted with the '' last infrmity Of noble
minds Paisley printer forsook his trade to
share in the gIOries OF Nelson. Soon after he
was aAoat, he was, one black, stormy night, or
dered alOlt. The poor fellow, instead Of at once
throwing himself into the shrOuds, looked up in
wild disTnay at the officer and exclaimed, '01
man, it wud be a temptin' o. Providence to gang
up there on sic NIGHT =!
LARGE-HEARrKDNEss.-Aw worthy farmer was
greatly exercised last year with regard to the
safety Of the hay crop. The weather, though
succeeded in getting it safely gathered in, being
in this respect fortunate than several Of his
neighbours After seeing the last wisp OF straw
round his stacks, he exclaimed, with a self-satis-
fed air, - Moo, sin haze gotten my hay a safe
in. I think the world would be greatly the better
OF guild shower"
DEArH BEFORE DIsHOSoR.-The life Of an
editor is not always strewn with roses and free
passes but it does our heart good to learn every
now and then that the craft Is worthy OF the
great name, and that heroism is not yet dead IN
as ranks. In Kentucky, when young man
gets in love deep enough to speak his sentiments
an rhyme which he is sure Is poetry, and which
he wishes to see in print, be loads his shotgun,
and starts for the editor of a country paper. ii
the editor refuses TO publish his " Pome, the
irate child Of genius unlOads his gun under the
editors ear or IN some other portion Of his ana
tony. To the honor Of the craft. be it said, a
great many often prefer death to dishonOr.
During one Of the earlier visits Of the Royal
Family % BalmOral Prince Albert, dressed in q
very simple manner, was crossing one Of the
Scotch lakes in a steamer, and was curious to
note everything relating 70 the management ol
the vessel, and among many other things the
cooking. Approaching the galley where q
brawuy Highlander was attending TO the culina-
Nv matters he was attracted by the savouTy odours
Of a compound known by Scotchmen as +" hodge
podge" which the Highlander preparing
=, What is that2'' asked the Prince who was not
known TO the cook. 40 Hodge-pOdge, sir, was
the reply. - How is it made2" was the next
question % why, there's mutton intiIt, and
turnips intil't and carrots intil't, and
Yes yes, said the Prince, who bad not learnt
that intil't'' meant IN It,, expressed by the
contraction - intift. - bat what Is intiltT
s.Wby, there's mutton iutil't, and turnips intilt
and carrots intil't, and" % Yes, see; but
what is intil't'?'' The man looked at him, and
seeing that the Prince was serious, be replied
ssTberers mutton intiIt, and turnips intil't, and
-" Yes, certainly, l know" urged tht
inouIrer; - but what is intil't'-' intilt
IS Nby." yelled the Highlander, brandishing hi:
bio s1oon am na telin' ye what's lntllt
Ttss-.ifs mutton intiI't, and" Here the inter
1;s,r was brought to close by one Of the Prince
snite vrbo- fortunately passing, stepped IN to ex
rIej, matters 70 the Highlander, who opened hIi
month with stupid wonder at the possibility tnai
n wise ma like himself should not at once nave
known thaG It was the Prince