River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-07-31
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

A BROTHER of the Khan or Khiva has
joined the Russian army.
THE Portuguese can now enjoy
" Evangeline" in their own tongue.
Who is the LATEST man? The furni-
ture dealer; he keeps chairs and lounges
about all the time.
THE late Chief-Justice Chase, in one
of his letters, speaks of persons APP
pearance as being "an assault and bat
terry upon physiognomy."
A SMALL child, on hearing superin-
tendent in the midst of long address,
ask, "Now. what shall / say?" r.
sponded with, "Please say amen"
GOULD, the sculptor, has been en-
gagged on a statue of the Ghost in
+" Hamlet" This will give Healy a
chance to remark, "Alas, poor ghost !"
{" How long will mychopbe, waiter ?"
angily asks hungry man in restau-
rant. "About five inches, sir, was the
accurate reply.
The farmers don't want to hear any,
thing more about "areas OF rain.
They don't think that rain is in arrears
at all.
THE latest joke about "Tupper,s
Proverbial Philosophy is that it has
been dramaticized by Mr. Dion Bouci-
cault for II London theatre.
A MAN in Washington County, Tennes-
see, has COW which has given by accu-
rate weight 2,0401 pounds of milk in
thirty days. She is an Ayrshire breed,
and the smallest amount given in day
was 81 pounds.
A TRULY happy day" Well, Leo
nora, what have you and Harold been
doing at Aunt Mabel's to-day?" "Had
dinner" "And what did you do after
dinner?" Had tea" "But what did
you do between dinner and tea ?" "Had
some cake.
IT is said that the mosquitoes are I'M
usually large this season. The only
satisfaction that people who are obliged
to remain in the city can get from this,
is the hope that the old bull mosquitoes
will loaf around the back yards at night
and eat up the tom cats.
ASTRONOMERS tell us that the tail of
the comet will, after passing over the
earth, envelop the moon, thus verifying
| bliC NOlNo VI uliC pOCb
Soon as the evening shades prevail
The moon takes up the wond'rous tail
A JouN Bull who had been intro
duced to the Emperor of Russia kept
pacing steamers deck, exclaiming,
1.-THE Gar is great the Gar is
great p' "Yes, said bystander, "but
God is greater" "Oh, to be sure"
was Bulls reply; "but then, you know,
the Gar is young yet.
A DRUNKARD meets beggar, who
presents pitfully his claim to charity:
"Ah, sir, give me something; l am
dying with hunger "Humph !" re-
torts the drunkard; "hunger that's
nothing-of no consequence But the
thirst, you see, the thirst-that is some
thing !"
AN Irish glazier was putting a pane
of glass into a window, when groom
who was standing by began joking him,
telling him to mind and put in plenty
of putty. The freshman bore the ban
tiers for some time, but at last silenced
his tormentor with" Arrah, now, be
off wild We, or IL put a pain in your
head without any putty"
In beginning the world, if you don't
wish to get chafed at every turn fold
up your pride carefully, put it under
lock and key, and only let it out to air
on grand occasions. Pride is a gar
ment all stiff brOcade outside, all
grating sack cloth ON the side next the
skin. Even kings don't wear the del
maticum except at coronation.
A FRESH cargo of antiquities from
Ephesus has arrived at the British
Museum. Among them are lions
head from the cornice of the last tenn
pie two lions heads, more ancient,
from former temples; boar's head;
more fragments of the archaic frieze;
large fragment of one of the large ac-
roteria from one of the pediments; one
or two more fragments of sculptured
drums and columns, and other objects.
"Have you damp sheets in your
| hotel? inquired the fastidious old
party at the ---- House, the other
evening, after he had written his name
and handed his carpet-bag TO the hall
boy, preparatory to ascending to the
room assigned him. 81 don't think we
have any on hand just now" answered
the bald headed clerk, "but III order
pair put under faucet for you, sir,
directly" Fastidious old party and
bald-headed clerk adjourn to the bar.
A CERTAIN Uncle James Of our nc
quaintance, whose execution is not
quite equal 10 his preference for the
violin, was paid a delicate left-handed
compliment the other night by his little
neice, who, on being awakened some
time in the small hours Of the night by
the hideous performances Of two fetines
under the window, naively remarked
Mamma. / don't like to hear Uncle
James play on q violin. "-Pr0Uidcnco
Press
Recently there was caught in Board
man River, some three or four miles
from Grand Traverse Mich, brook
trout which measured twenty-f vel inches
in length. and thirteen inches IN cir
conference, and weighed iiye and a
half pounds We have seen il, handled
il, and measured Il, and there Is no mis-
take about il. Nov If anybody can tell
i "A bigger story than this and vet tell n