Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1874-10-01
MISCELLANEOUS.

/ ZIG kisC ~ AONhAhk nOtAOAs
l
MISCELLANEOU
The less men thiak, the more they
talk.
A man who has no mind will not
change il.
Horse thieves in Texas are serenaded
by string bands.
| A polite way of putting it: Troubled
with chronic indispOsition to exertion.
Eight Connecticut young ladies have
just taken the veil. They were hope
.etsly freckled.
When a Maryland doctor spells it
"accufortus" is it any wonder that
patient dies on his hands?
A small boy forgot and asked his
father for "chaw NV tubaccer," the
other day, and is now very reticent on
the subject.
practices with such assiduity that the
town bids fair to become depopulated.
Brooklyn is pious place. Even the
saloon keepers quote scripture One of
them has for sign "Why halt ye be-
tween two opinions"
A negro insisted that his race was
mentioned in the Bible. He said he
heard the preacher read about how
"Nigger Demus wanted to be born
again."
An actress in California, Miss Kim
lin, lately married a professional named
Wood, and her stage name is now hy-
phenated into Nine. Kinlin- Wood.
SIS the candidate for sheriff here?"
asked stranger as he looked into an
Illinois bar-rOom. "Yes, why?" an
swered eighteen men, as they rose.
An Omaha editor advises the people
mot to make such a fuss about the
shooting of one constable, as there are
over forty candidates for the Office"
Two Rochester men rowed a boat
around in circle for three hours under
the idea that they were going down the
bay, and yet Rochester is a Temperance
town.
Now is the time when the irrespon-
BILE urchin glueth the house f1y's wings
together and walketh him against time
the nose of his sleeping grand
father.
An Alabama paper states that the
hogs in Walker county, in that State,
are dying of disease of the brain. They
ought to keep their hogs from studying
as hard then.
Indiana threshing machines are hash
ing off less and arms with promptness
and dispatch, and occasionally leaving
a handsome widow for posterity to take
to candy pulls next winter.
1t is not an uncommon observation
that q man who Is continually talking
about his "ceaseless yearning after
can't get trusted at
grocery store as quick as q man who
swears.
Last year he was worth 500, ,O00.-
Then he began to drink whsskey and
seltzer, and now he's a pauper. Where
these ravages of seltZer are going to
cease the most prescient Of Us cannot
tell.
The Detroit Free Press man has just
returned from Saratoga. He says
''The Saratoga bellies merely taste food
at the table, but fee the walters to bring
a square meal up the back stairs"
There is a parrot on State street that
cried ''Stop thief" 1t takes four pO-
Iicemen to keep the sidewalk clear, as
every native feels he has personal in
to marry.-Milwaukee Sent.
Z. II. Weston, the funny man of the
Lancaster IN. 81. Republican, submits
the pronunciation of "Erastus Richard
SON" as being test whether man is
drunk or not. "Rassus Risson," he
says, won't do.
It's awful lonesome in Mexico Just
now, and tears trickle down the faith
er's cheeks as he takes his son on his
knee, and tells him how the country
used to be blessed with q revolution
about every two weeks.
When q well-known Omaha thief
meets policeman and hands him five
dollars, it is the duty of the officer togo
and sit down in an alley and see MOTH
ing for the next hour-nothing but the
i've dollars.-Free Press.
The Chief of Police of Knoxville,
wears three diamond studs, diamond
pin diamond ring, and the Knoxville
papers are just mean enough to want to
know how he get 'em on salary of
1900 per year.
When the Arkansas census-taker next
yoes around he will find Peter Dayton
missing from earth. The old man
Tound package and threw It on to the
ire to see If it was powder or sand.-
Detroit Free Press.
A Miss O'Reilly appeared at a Ken
lucky ball recently In pink and blue
'ilk, and an admiring Jenkins wrote:
1T seemed as IL the hues of her native
'kies draped in contented admiration
heir fleecy folds around her!"
An Ohio husband sold his oxen to
ret money for his wife to elope with,
but he doesn't want any sympathy.
He says he'd have thrown in horse
Or two, had she demanded II.
A Virginia sheriff asked a murderer
II he wanted to make 8 speech on the
,allows, and the man replied: Guess
not; it looks like rain, and / dou't
want to get wet; 60 on with the hang
Ing.'