The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-09-09
NAMING THE BABY.

ed strong-almost warlike-a great
name was the quest of its distract,
ed parents. Mrs. S. wanted it
named after some old Bible charac-
ter. Smudge suggested Samson
Goliah, which would typify strength;
Mrs. S. leaned to Moses Samuel,
emblematical of weakness.
Smudge had declared that he
would expose the child to the
measles before it should be nick
named Nose or Sam. Then he
limited at Jonah; but Mrs. S.
would listen to no such monogram.
She didn't want her last child's
name connected with a fish story !!
Already they had named a child
Haman, and she was sure that he
would be hanged some day. See.
ing that no Scriptuual name could
be agreed on, she suggested Omega,
reminding Smudge that they had
named their first born Alpha.
"You don't call this one Omega >
said Smudge. I'll put the name
away, and when we want it III let
you know. How would Martin
Luther do?"
"l'm Baptist, I am, Smudge!"
retorted Mrs. S. coloring. Il don't
want any Lutheran names in this
house. For your mothers sake, I
allowed one Of my children to be
called Jonathan Wesley. She don't
poke any Methodist names on to me
again. If Luther had been a Bap-
tist, the name might do. There's
Roger Williams. Roger Williams
Smudge would sound well He
could write it R. Williams Smudge,
you see."
But he never will" cried the
parent, with determination. Roger
Williams was Baptist, and you
know, Mrs. Smudge, that I don't
lean that way. I'd sooner call him
Tom Paine"
Mrs. Smudge shrieked.
"Call him Tom Paine, and I'll kill
him before he's weaned."
"You like Puritans, Mrs. Smudge.
Cali him Miles Standish.'
''No, sir! I don't want my child
to grow up with any such outland-
ish name. You called our second
boy Plymouth Rock smudge, and
that name will kill him before ne
votes. No more Puritan names"
you're the confoundedest par,
ticular woman l ever saw" retorted
Smudge. IF it had been a girl,
we would have called her Cleopatra
Octavia.
"No, we wouldn't! Our fourth
girl now groans under the name Of
Olympia Tarpeia. It will make her
be an old maid. Let's compromise,
smudge. You like a strong name
Goliah, for instar ce-I, d Baptist
one Lets call the baby Roger ".
Goliah Smudge."
"Put the Bible name first.
II won't do it."
Then we'll call him something
else"
my fathers nam9 was Joshua
Gideon" meekly suggested Mrs. S.
"IEhat do I care if it was? None
of my children shall be called after
any of your relatives. That's set
tied Let us fall back on late
name--Garibalai, for instance"
"Or BonaparOe."
(Which one?"
Napoleon the Third"
"No; I won't have him called
Napoleon.
Then you shant call him Carl
baldi," retorted Mrs. S., as firmly.
''Smudge, you're the tickiest indi-
vidual T ever lived with. You won't t
listen to anything, I am reason.
able-willing to listen to anything
you propose.
Then cali the boy Daniel Web
ster. I always admired the old
statesman"
"Our family shant be disgraced
bya Wing name" said Mrs. Smudge.
Lafayette is a great, a good
name
Smudge thought so; he was on
the eve of suggesting the name of
the great Frenchman himself.
"He must have a middle name"
Lafayette Williams!" said Mrs. S.
''Theres your old Baptist name
again! I tell you Roger Williams
shan't, in any form, hang to that
boys coat-tail."
Then you shan't call him Lafay
ette."
And thus the quarrelling over
the christening continued for six
mortal hours. Finally, the affair
was settled Smudge's twelfth
baby is to face the world with the
simple cognomen OF John Smudge.
Prof. Watson says that there IS
never more than a million stars IN