The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-09-23

Or your own nearCS trellIoiihS ie"'"'
You Shall reap in JOY the harvest
: You have sOwn, to-day. III tears.
-.Adetaide Proctor.
SCRAPS.
A weather reporter - A clap OF
thunder.
Sounding on bar-Rapplng tor
drinks.
Strained sweetness - kissing
through y vail.
A crying shame - Our nelghoor's
young one.
Preferred creditors are those who
do not dun.
The pound of fesh-Making tough
steak tender. .
.:The cause of woman Suffrage
Scarcity of husbands.
A fashionable lady says her hus-
band is the latest thing out.
~. Z 4. -
Chicago has sixty banks, but some
of .'oin' do their business after sunset
Talking of oarsmcn, John Paul
says it's great thing nowadays to be
..a gentleman and asculler."
An Eastern debating society is try,
ing to settle which is"the hardest to
keep, diary or an umbrella.
At Jewels Hartford reception the
Horse Guards were appropriately
preceded by Colts Band.
{, Say no more about Europe. She is
taking care of Joaquin Miller, Josie
Mansfield, Genet, and two American
baseball clubs.
One good trait in Brooklyn young
ladies IS, that they don't dare sass
their parents much before the ago OF
thirteen OF fourteen years.
A New Hampshire woman, when
dying. made her husband swear on
the Bible that he would never marry
a woman with a sharp nose. .
When young man who parts his
hair in tho middle goes down ON an
orange peel, nobody seems to care
whether he ever gets up :gain or
not u
A Boston Court has decided that if
aswoman lends money to her husband
she cannot get it back. The decision
will not be new to H. any wives.
The success of Josh Billings is ex'
ccptional. There are thousands OF
Young men who do not know how to
spoil, and yet they arc not worth
s25O,OO0.
.Thcre are now four competitors TO,
the title Of Nathan murderer. These
parties should be hung upon their
own confession and give others q
chance.
An honest old farmer, on being in
formed the other day that one of his
meighbors owed him grudge, growl
ed out, "No matter; he never pays
anything"
Nothing appeals more 10 the sym
pathies of kind-hcarted person than
the spectacle Of a starved dog, sitting
on the ragged edge Of anxiety wait
ing for bone.
.Thou rainest in this bosom," was
the remark of Lothario when his
lair one threw q basin Of water owe,
him for "catcr-wauling" under hcl
!chamber window.
A Minnesota minister wbo said that
the grasshoppers were a plague sent
TO punish the grangcrs, is coming cast
to find aneLher pulpit. They couldn't
believe him.
What small boy docs not envy the
nerve of the porty man who enters
church, takes out Il big handkerchief,
and deliberately blows his nose three
times before sitting down?
A gentleman who landed from an
Erie express train attracted universal
attention by the magniticenco OF his
diamond breastpin. He was supposed
to be hackman from Niagara Falls.
With q sardonic grin, Wix poured
some mucilege into his empty hair-oil
bottle, yesterday, and this morning
tho hair Of one of the servant girls
was stuck SO tight that she could not
shut her mouth.
Little Johnnie is dead, but before
his spirit was waited to tho angels he
requested that watermelon vine
might be allowed to wander at will
over his green grave, that it might he
u warning to future generations.
"Writc me while / am away" said
Jones to Mrs. Jones, after an affection
ate goodbye. "Treachcrous mani
ineditated the lady. "Not one letter
does nc get! He wants to sell them
to one Of those Western papers"
VI should like 'Courtship and Mar
riage,' and The Best of Hustands,' -
said u pretty girl, tripping into Il
Broadway bookstore. u think can
fill that bill, Miss" replied the dappcl
young salesman. "Have you zen
Thousand u Year""
A Church of England clergyman
knocked his sister down and sat on
her. This is all the information that
reaches us; but if she had the spirit
ofsa woman (and any pins in hcr