Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-05-04
Wanted---A Minister.

We have been without pastor
Some eighteen months or more,
And though candidates are plenty,
We've had at least a score,
All of them ''tiptop' preachers,
Or so their letters ran,-
We a. Just as far as ever,
From settling on the man.
The first who came among us,
BY no means was the worst.
But then we didn't think of him
Because he was the first,
Ii being quite the custom,
To sacrifice a few,
Before a church in earnest
determines what to do.
There was a smart young fellow,
With serious. earnest way,
Who, but for one great blunder,
Had surely won the day;
Who left so good impression,
On Monday, one or two
Went round among the people,
To see if he would do.
The pious, godly portion
Had not a fault to find;
His clear and searching preaching,
They thought the very kind
And all went smooth and pleasant
Until they heard the views
OF some influential sinners,
Who rent the highest pews.
0n these his pungent dealing,
Made but sOrry hit;
The coat of gospel teaching,
Was quite too tight fit.
OF course his fate was settled,
Attend. We parsons all
And preach TO please the sinners,
II you would get call.
Next came a spruce young dandy.
Who wore his hair too long:
Another's coat was shabby.
And his voice not over strong:
And one New Haven student
Was worse than all of the se.
We couldn't hear the sermon
For thinking of his nose.
Then wearying of candidates.
We looked the country through,
Mid doctors and professors.
TO find out one that would do.
And after much discussion.
On who should bear the ark,
With tolerable agreement,
We fixed on DR. Park
Here then we thought it settled.
But were amazed to find
Our flaftering invitation
Respectfully declined.
We turned to Dir. Hopkins
To help us in the lurch
Who strangely Thought that college
Had claims above our church"
Next we dispatch committees.
BY twos and threes. TO urge
The lahors for Sabbath
OF the Rev. Shallow Splurge.
He came-a marked sensation
SO wonderful his style.
Followed the creaking of his boots
As he passed up the aisle.
His tones were so affecting
His gestures so divine,
lady tainted in the hymn,
Before the second line.
And on that day he gave US.
In accents clear and loud.
The greatest PRAYER ever addressed
To an enlightened crowd.
He preached double sermon,
And gave us angels food,
On such a lovely topic.
THE Joys of solitude"
All fun of sweet descriptions
OF flowers, and pearly streams.
OF warbhng birds. and moOn-lit groves.
And golden sunset beams.
Of faith and true repentance,
He nothing had 10 say:
He rounded all the corners,
And smoothed the rugged way:
Managed with great adruitness,
To entertain and please.
And leave the sinners conscience
Completely at its ease.
six hundred Is the salary,
We gave in former days.
We thought is very liberal.
And found il hard TO raise,
But when we took the paper.
We had no need to urge
To raise a cool two thousand
For the Rev. Shallow Spluree.
In vain were all our efforts,
We had no chance at all
We found ten city churches
Had given linn call:
And he in praYertnl waiting
Was keeping all in tow.
But where they hid the highest
'fwas whispered ne wouId 60
And now good Christian brothers.
We ask your earnest prayers.
That God would send a shepherd
To guide our church affairs
With this clear understanding,
A man TO meet our views,
Must preach to please the sinners
And fill the vacant pews.