Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-08
IMPIETIES.

The Rev. Mr.. Murray's method
for starting a balky horse, is to COM
mence q sermon on him.
The Rev. DR.. West, of Cincin-
natl, declared i'm a recent sermon
that the ''citizens of that city have
well nigh made SOdom and Gomor-
rah respectable"
Profundissimus has discovered
that the reason why the Jews will
not eat pork is because their Scrip
lures contain the malediction,
"Cursed be Ham,"
"Patrick," said the priest, chow
much did you steal ?" "Well, Imay
as well confess to your reverence
for the whole stack, for l am going
after the whole stack tonight"
1t is understood that when an Or
thOdOx deacon "feels swear all
over" he mutters "Infant damna-
tion," with a heavy swell on the
second word.
A Texas railroad superintendent
refused to give a harJ-shell preacher
a pass. The preacher humbly re-
marked that he was nothing but a
poor worm of the dust, and "Supe"
replied that railroads never passed
worms.
"What is heavens best Gift to
man ?" asked u young lady the
other night, smiling sweetly on a
pIeasant-loOking clerk. ga boss !"
replied the young man with great
prudence.
At TrevitlO, Lombardy, a priest
has just been sentenced to seven
months Imprisonment for a practi-
cal joke. He put a strong emetic
into the wine used in the celebra-
ton mass, to punish two priests
with whom he had held sundry dis
putatiOns. One Of the victims was
i'll for week.
A long-winded Chinese "exhaus-
ter" a convert to Christianity, holds
forth to his countrymen at China
town, San Jose, every Saturday
afternoon. 1t is said that most of
his congregation look upon him as a
huge joke, but that he s'dOn't allow
any of them to get away with him."
He breaches from notes asvOlumin-
Gus as rolls of wall paper.
Fashionable milliner-"You,n
have the flower on the left side of
the bonnet, of course, madame ?"
Fashionable lady-"Well-er-no
The fact is there's a pillar on the
left side of my pew in church, SO
that only the right side of my head
is seer by the congregation. OF
course, / could change my peww
Fashionable lady's husband-"Ya--
IS. Or even the church, you know,
II necessary" fashionable mil
iner considers the pOint.C[Punch.
Van Pelt, the converted Vienna,
Ohio, saloon keeper, declares i'm the
blowing pithy communication that
he is no back-slider: ~ have not
eft off lecturing and again turned
wallow, thank god i have been so
ar stedfast and stronger in the
Faith of it Being the work of God.
hope you will Be as Promt i'm un-
loing the great eavel as you was in
making a falls Report that you knew
o Be false for i am still i'm field of
aber ansering all the Gals / can
Witch keeps me on the consistent
o."
Says the Memphis Ledger: /
Martin Walsh is on trial in the
court to-day, for the rob-
cry of several Cinnamon. The
'hinese prosecutors, All Lee and Ah
lin, testified in a most intelligent
manner. They held a China saucer
4 their left hands, their right hand ]
ED upward, as they DASH :
d their saucer on the 4
floor, they raised
heir eyes to heaven, and =
lurmured over some prayer, an in =
ocation to God that If they told not
ne truth, may they be broken into
ieces like the saucers, and never
D upward hereafter. The Chinese 4,
ath is more religious and solemn !
ian the Christian style of fiippant-
kissing the boOk-too often with :
lips. 4