Omaha daily bee., 1874-07-09

with a new three hundred-dollar
"Change cars" is what q city
said to a countryman,
the other day, when hehad finished
one of his brogans.
The elephant is said to be dying
out. Young men will take warning
and see him on every possible occa-
sion.
"The child is father to the man."
"Hic,n says dumfoozelum on a bust,
"the shild mush been marrid YER
young"
A barrel marked eggs, shipped
from Wabash, Ind, 20 some n In
Warsaw, a few weeks since, Matched
cut INTO bottles of ale.
Woman's horn is exalted at Flint
City, Mich, by q female cornet
PLAYER, who is the leader Of an 9TH
erwise masculine brass band.
Mr.. Edgar Bascom was taken to
the insane asylum at Hartford just
three months from the day his son
Joseph purchased a fiddle.
The item that blacksmiths get $ll
per day and board in Arizona hasn't
had the effect to start any Philadel-
phia editors westward.
A return emigrant wagon passed
through Cedar Falls, Iowa, last
week, bearing the expressive and
euphonious label, "D-n the grass
hoppers"
Now that the word .'hvmeneal"
Is so commonly used in reference to
weddings, 1t Is suggested that births
be headed "crymeneal," and deaths
"diemeneal."
Boston Globe: 1t has been dis
covered that the bite of a mad dog
is an antidote for rattlesnake poison.
Hunters should carry about a little
mad dog in cage.
The old superstitious notion that
croeodiles weep has been exploded
by scientists, but it Is pretty gener-
ally acknowledged that sailors have
often seen whales blubber.
"Say, Pomp, you Niger, whar
YOU cit dat new hat Z" cat de
shop, of course" "What's de price
of such an article as dat ?" ~ don't
know MIS- ger Idon't know; de shop
keeper wasn't dar
That New bergh billy-goat who
recently threw into the gutter a man
who had extricated his horns from
a picket fence, might be called q
specimen of the best Orange county
butter.
Henry Minstrel, of Savannah,
walked into a court room to shoot
twelve jurymen, but fourteen or fiji
teen revolvers got ahead of him on
shooting. The last lay of that min
strel was when they laid him in the
tomb.
Now does the weary laborer, una
bile to endure the close heat of his
apartment, snatch the fearful joy Of
deep sleep ON top of the house, up-
mindful that the early policeman
will look for him on the pavement
at daylight.
Pride takes an early start in San
Francisco. When q lad breaks
loose from his mothers apron strings
and secures a position at three dol
lars a week, the first thing he does
after that Is to hire a Chinaman to
run errands for him.
A man who had saved the life OF
a daughter of a Boston millionaire
received $3.50 from the grateful
parent, He was SO overcome by
the magnificent bounty that he paid
out every cent Of 1t to seventeen Or
gan grinders, to simultaneously ser.
enade his benefactOr.
Milwaukee Sentinel: at is not
our fault that We are red>headed and
smell, and the next time one of
those over-grown rural roosters in a
ball room reaches down for our head
and suggests that some fellow has
lost q rosebud out of his button
hole, there will be trouble"
Avoid men who tell stories that
run into one another, SO that you
find it very difficult to get away at
the end of any of them; men who
have quarreled with all their rela-
tons men who "have been hetray-
ed and abandoned in the most
heartless manner by all their
friends"
A howl comes up about the ex-
tortion of hack drivers. Can't some
way be adopted to circumvent the
merciless rapaoity of the modern
Jehu? That's the question. Long
Branch has nothing but sand, sun,
and sea, sans shade, and some peo-
pie are obliged to ride. In the Ian
guage of the Boss, ..what are they
going to do about ito"
Now we know where the old hats
go. The Nicobar Islanders endeav-
or to outyie each other i'm the accu-
mutation of old hats, priding them
selves on the extent and variety of
their collections, as other people do
Oh their wealth OF old, jewels or
art. A tall white hal, with a black
band, demands from fifty-five to
sixty-five prime cocoanuts.
At an exhibition of one Of the
albany schools, a few evenings
since, the following conversation
took place: Young lady 70 young
gentleman-That piece just played
was by Wagner; wasn't 1t too love-
ly for anything? Young gentle
man to young lady-Yes; and amt
his palace ears just gay? The
music of the future won't be played
for him on her piano.
A timid man wants to know
show to tell a mad dog" We
don't know what he wants to tell
him, but the safest way would be
to communicate with the dog in
writing. Send tie letter from a
gun in the shape of wadding, fol-
lowed by small shot, to see if he
gets it.-NeW Orleans Republican.
A Brooklyn writer on street a
courtesies holds this opinion: "TO
vacate your place for every young
thing who enterstwho has been on
a visit or shopping, and who will
doubtless dance o half dozen sets
after she gets homes not gallant
ry, but the air of an affected fop or
downright fool, and will never be
performed by a sensible man who