The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-04-29
SCRAPS.

The Joy Ci the dumb is AWAY
anspeakable.
Miss construction = Whalebon,
and paint, powder and wadding.
Why is necessity like a grea
many lawyers? Because it knows
no law.
A thief running away is a scamp
but the policeman's chase after him
is scamper.
1t is said that two Iowa lovers
will sit up half the night with only
one chair in the room; but that's
easily explained to any one. whose
been there.
How to become practically ac-
quainted with the "Rule of Three
Live with your wife, mother and
; mother-in-law.
What is it which Adam never
saw, never possessed, and yet gave
two to each of his children Pa
rents.
Three weeks hence and the bus
! tile of spring will be heard in the
Hand. So says an exchange, but
We thought bustles were going cut
of fashion.
Josh Billings says: When mans
dog deserts him on account of his
poverty, he can't get any lower in
this world-not by land.
Mrs. Jenkins complained in the
evening the turkey she had eaten
didn't set well. "Probably," said
Jenkins, ''it was not a hen turkcy."I
An Irish editor says he can see
no earthly reason why women
should not be allowed to become
medical men.
When is the most dangerous time
to visit in the country? When
the trees are shooting and the bull
rushes out.
A Dubuque local editor COM
plains that there is only one hand
some girl in the place and she is
engaged to a dozen young men:
An intoxicated individual was
detected the other night in an at
tempt to pick the pockets of bill
lizard table.
A Clergyman of Springfield,
who has a bad habit of adding 'er'
to many of his words, told, last
Sunday, Of those who had been
brought up on a Lords side'er.'
"What's the plural to pillow?"
asked a teacher the other day. "a
bowster, SIR replied the rawest
pupil, amid the suppressed tittering
Of the whole class. II
The man who imagined himself
wise because he detected some ty-
biographical errors in q newspaper,
has gone Eastward to get perpen-
dicular view of the rainbow.
Ben. Franklin's watch is owned
by staunch old Pennsylvania far
mer.-This is opening the year
with frst-class stock paragraph.
For an economical man, Franklin
owned many watches. We know
of four. Perhaps he used to swap
tickers.'
Wendell Philips is a wonderful :
epigrammatist. He will damn /.
any mans character or ruin the a
of any cause rather than .
abandon his epigram and antithesis. |
Here is the way he puts the case
Of the conflict between the North
and South: =
"I say that the South would have 4
US in year if her major 4
generals hadn't been drunk; and
we would have conquered her in
two years if our major-generals g
hadn't been drunk. y, y
A correspondent entered an Of j.
ice and accused the compositor of q,
lot having punctuated his commu- to
nication, when the typo earnestly 81
'eplied: "I'm not pointer, I'm a OF Of
setter" ct
It has been remarked that ladies u n
nave generally great fear of W
lightning, and this has been super
icially ascribed to their natural -
but the great truth is,
hat it arises from their conscien- +
iousness Of being attractive.
A young gentleman having call [
ID in his physician, said: "Now, p'
'ir, I want no triAing; I wish you c<
% strike at the cause" cit shall al
be DONE" replied the doctor, and n =;
lifting his cane, smashed the de- IL y.
,anter Of wine upon the table. H.
A Cincinnati firm received o let
ter from a correspondent in Mis-
'issippi, saying-"Gentlemen, I am
Due you $26 10-100 which pleas =
1old up on me few days [ happen F
% a misfortune this day 2 weeks
lgo & I had to kill a man in Self
Defence which my Lawyer fee cost n n
ne 10000 which throws me behind Il
little I am al right now c
An exchange says: GA Michigan al
n;lrnnl L. hnnnta3 hu q nhnnt that u