The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-05-01
THE PRESS.
FRIDAY MORNING. MAY L. 1874.
Gossip and Gleanings.

Gossip and Gleanings.
(For the Press.]
THE OTHER SIDE.
Who speaks of strychnine in my tea
In times OF his prosperity?
But in all straits "dear mothers me?
My son-in-law.
Who sent to fetch me when he fell
And bruised his head and made IL swelI9
Then turned me out when he got well?
My son-in-law.
VINO called me back when whooping cough
Waslike to take poor Dickie of?
Then headed me for steam boat wharf?
My son-in-law.
VINO comes for me the cook to drill?
Or when the nursery maid falls i'll?
Then straps my trunk with rare goodwill?
My son-in-law.
Who hoped, since wife was weak and tired,
I'd make the shirts he much admir- ed?
That 30 no seamstress need be hired?
My son-in-law.
Who, when his wife was strong again,
Pushed me on board a starting tram?
Wondering only got sprain?
My son-in-law.
Who points at me the "unloaded" gun
And says lack sense Of iSn
When grazing bullet makes me run?
My son-in-law.
Who took insurance policy
On what my life is worth to me,
Then urged me much to go to sea?
My son in-law.
Who sent flask Of kerosene
Labelled "For kindlings-nice and clean?''-
Cremation-I presume you mean
My son-in-law.
Who, if the coroners had said
"By Provilent stroke, SHE'S dead,''
Had, acquiescent, wagged his head?
My son-in-law.
Dear boy! If you should live to see
Your son-in-law, hope he'll be
An-more than all-you are to me,
My son-in-law.
TWO OLD PROVERBS ON ONE STEM
Thus goth he with his sleighte about
To hinder and shove another out
And stonden with lis Sigh compas
In stede there another was
And so to set hmselven inne,
He recheth nought be so he WHINE
OF that another man shall lese
And thus full ofte chalk for chese
He chaungeth with full litel coste,
Whereof another hath the loste
And be the profit shall receive
For his fortune Is TO deceive
And taketh the 6rid to his beyete
Where other men the busshes 6ete.
-Gotrer's Confessio Amantis, A. Z. 1885.
A Georgia clergyman has thirty-two chill
rem. His sermons are nearly all upon the
Inject of "a better life than this.'
Danbury NeWs: A carman is an individual
no wants you to have furniture all ready to
ad at A. NJ, and comes around in the af-
moon to see if you have done it.
The st. Louis journal says that the forth
'ming Chicago Directory promises well. The
ames of the Hawaiian Legislature fill sever
pages.
A Southern editor, resolved to be "abreast
t the times, cremation or no cremation"
lready prints his obituaries und,r the lead
f "Fire Record.''
"Crusade punch" is popular drink in
Fort Wayne. 1t is composed. not of sage and
ther "yerbs," but of Santa Cruz rum, pop,
ugar, and egg. Ordinary drinks are known
imply as ''neck oil.''
The Chicago Euening Journal says: 'sNow
hat the charm of naughtiness has worn of.
nd it is generally agreed that dancing is
roper amusement, its popularity is in dam
er. Fun without spice OF sin, real or sup
osed, is very stupid for those who set the
Ishions."
"The Presidents Funeral Oration'' is
hat the Indianapolis Journal calls the Veto
[essage. Yes, the President fixed the time
# the funeral, had the body ready, and then
elivered his discourse. But it was none of
ar funeral. The infationists have the mo-
Opoly of it.
New York Post: A gentleman from an
astern city, whose convivial propensities are
3 well known in New York as at his own
ONE, expressed his opinion here few days
go with lisp) that it was inexcusable and
candalous to abandon ''thp" like the
urope. with eighteen thousand baskets OF
thampagne" aboard of her.
Plutarch says: "The eyes of the hog are so
amed and disposed OF in the head, that it is
ways looking upon the lowest objects, and
IN in no manner contemplate things ele-
ated and lofty. 1t cannot look upward un-
IS thrown back with its feet upward. Al
lough this animal is addicted to the most
scordant squealing and grunting,yet as soon
Il Ia In ID ha1,lx IL is