The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-18
CURRENT ITEMS.

Dug OF the season.
WHAT this country needs is more fences
or less medicines.
JAMAICA ginger is extensively cultivated
on Dunn's Lake, Fla.
If you are buying carpets for durabil
ity, choose small figures.
A HOT shovel held over vanished furni.
ture will take out white spots.
The song of the ladies' temperance
bands" Going thro' the Rye"
PHILADELPHIA has foar establishments
! devoted to the production of linseed oil.
PURE love cannot be attracted to un
cleanness and meanness Of body or soul.
THE woman's movement Of furniture
and household utensils will soon begin.
FIFTY ratt}esnakes were plowed up in
one day off Douglas County Orr
farm.
HARTwELI. Ga, has o man 96 years
! old that has just married for the first
! time.
A TALKING rat has appeared in Alexan-
drla, Va. In other words, it can open
its trap.
A GALLON of strong lye put into bar
rel of hard water will make it as soft as
rain-water.
Mr.. ALEXANDER MITCHELL, NJ. c., from
Wisconsin, is reported to be worth $16,-
100000.
IT is reported that Mrs. Harriet Beech
er Stowe will not write any more for sew
eral years.
THE awful punishment of doing evil is
that you become evil, so you have no dis
position to do otherwise.
In New Hampshire graveyard there
is tomb thus marked: "Sacred to the
memory Of three twins.''
DEATH has a strange dignity, and
whatever child of Adam he lays his hand
On is for the time ennobled.
"WooD LICE" in frames or in pots may
be trapped with piece of apple or
potato as bait loosely incased in dry moss.
BRET HARTE's star doesn't It appear to be
in the ascendant. Boston came near
squelching him. California is his ele-
ment.
ONE of the incest ways of committing
suicide and of revenging yourself on your
neighbor at the same time is to jump
down his we'll.
"WHAr is BETTER" anxiously inquiries
a Western exchange, ethan promising
young MANI" BY all odds, prom ising
young woman.
BURNING FLUID is not good vehicle to
fry cabbage in, as Mrs. Schottenhofer. Of
Adrian, Mich, discovered. She thought
it was vinegar.
WHEN your pocket-book gets empty
and everybody knows it, you can put all
your friends in it and it won't "bulge
out" worth cent.
PENF1ELD, N Y, has Ave ladies who
weigh over 200 pounds each, and
when they all sit down at once the jar is
felt all over the town.
THERE are moments when even rellg-
ious fervor requires a diversion, and nov
city Of emotion becomes as much neces-
sity as a change of diet.
THE telegraph message boys of Albany
formed ring recently, and charged and
received pay for over 1900 messages that
had never been received.
A HAVANA paper says that America
must be taught a lesson, and that Spain
must be the teacher. Every prudent family
will throw up Notifications right away.
PROF. Fl. r. PALMER of Chicago, Prof.
L. 0. Emerson of Boston, and other noted
teachers hold four weeks Musical Insti-
tute at Dunkirk, N. Y, beginning July 19.
A DIVORCE lawyers advertisement:
"Hymeneal incompatibilities, as a spe-
cialty, delicately adjusted. IT'S slavery
to detain the hand after the heart hath
fled."
A MAN in Wilmington, n. c., is thus
described by young lady of the same
city: "He is so stingy that whenever he
smiles it is always at his neighbor's ex-
pense."
ARTEMUs SPINNER, of Duluth, doesn't
care about making hog of himself, but
he'll wager $1,000 that he. can devour
three pounds of maple sugar inside of
thirty minutes.
AN Iowa Judge has decided that "a
teller can wink al gal in spellin' school
without laying himself liable to a breach
of promise suit" but alas the spelling
school season has closed.
A DANBURY man having proudly pro-
claimed in the presence of his little boy
that his wife was no gadder, the young
man was observed to involuntarily rub
his back, but he said nothing.
A WHOLE generation of parents already
occupies this mundane sphere who cannot
describe to inquiring childhood warm
| ing pan, a toot.stove, tinder-box a brick
oven, a crane, or a candle-mold.
THE Rochester Chronicle thinks that
Anna Dickinson is "doing the noblest
work of her life," but perhaps 1t never
saw a young lady scientifically flourish.
ing the dish cloth and the broom.
WHEN Tennessee father walks into q
newspaper office with shotgun on his
arm and says: my darter has writ some
poetry which I want you to publish, >
how's feller going to plead press of mat.
| ter?
| ONE of the Oldest, ablest and best
known members of the Suffolk bar once
dryly said that there was no such thing ae
knowing what law was until the Supreme
Court had had its opportunity to guess
at it.
WITH brotherly affection and fellow
feeling the Detroit Free Press inquiries
I" Is the new editor of the Milwaukee Sen
tanel perfectly certain that his forte does
not lie in chopping cordwood or tending
toll gate?"
THE Philadelphia bootblack gives
what he calls centennial Shines" and
the same locality presents her patrons
with none but centennial hens. An6
this is patriotism. Rochester Chronicle.
WHEN Sheriff down in Vermont, il
opening the County Court, the other day
cried: "All persons having causes oi
matters pending therein draw near, anc
they shall be heard, and God save tn.
peoplep' he was satirist and didn'
know it.
Mrs. DELLA GoLD1N, Washington
ladv died at q social Gathering the ofhe,