Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-01-29
Autnprpns department.
ATTENDING TO BUSINESS.

The following is the latest by Burdette, the
truthful chronicler of the Peoria Remew:
The human heart, in all its all expansive
lmitless capacity for enjoyment, takes greater
pleasure in nothing more than witnessing a
portly, solemn-visaged man, the embodiment
of natural dignity, Importance in clothes, ad'
petty official. This morning just such per-
soniication Ultimate dignity loomed up at the
stamp window of the post-ofice, and glared
in gloomy and majestic displeasure at the
busy clerk registering letter before he sprang
to the window and asked the stately customer
what he wished. The gentleman did not an
swer for several moments. He gazed steadily
and impressively over the clerks head, and
then asked in ponderous tones:
"Is there any one hear-r-e-e-who attends
to business ?"
The embarrassed clerk blushed, faltered
for moment, then recovering himself, said
with characteristic and natural cheerfulness
becoming an official of the republic:
II will see, sir"
And be disappeared. He went into the
other departments, tortured carrier with an
original conundrum and heard good story
in the mailing room, and came back.
eyes, sir" he said to the great one; there
are in addition to myself, three clerks in the
letter department, one in the mailing room,
four carriers, three route agents, the mail dri-
yer and janitor."
"Ah>h-h am glad there are so many. I
may in all that number find one who is at his
post"
And then he looked as impressive as a spe.
cial agent, and was silent for three minutes,
while the impassive clerk awaited his orders
and the impatient man behind him fdgeted
and grumbled. Finally the great man said,
with deep solemnity:
"I wish one three-cent stamp"
The clerk tore off the stamp and held it,
waiting for the consideration. The great man
made pause somewhat longer than usual, he
felt in his various vest pockets, be gradually
lost his look of impressive rebuke, his chest
caved in and he assumed the aspect of an or
dinary fral mortal.
"Ah-the fact is-Pm sure-ah-in short,
I find that have carelessly left my purse at
home-can you kindly"
The impassive clerk, with the faintest sug.
gestion of triumph in his eye, waved the
great man aside with
"Sorry for you, sir, but the clerk who sells
on credit is not in. What does the next man
want?
Cool IMpUDENcE.-Mr. G., of St. Louis,
who is the proprietor of a large planning mill,
was seated in his office one morning, when he
was accosted by blear-eyed specimen of hu-
manity who asked for ten cents to get drink.
"Fact is" said he, 81 have been on a drunk,
am broke, and want just one good drink to
sober off on" Now Mr.. G. was strong ad-
vocate of temperance, and turning to the man
he said, "I'm not drinking man, but there
is my brother Jim, over there he may help"
which remark, by the way, was decided hit
on Jim. who did not object to an occasional
smile, and knowing how it was himself he
handed the man the asked-for dime, remark
ing. "That's for telling the truth ; if you had
said you wanted to buy bread, or something
to eat, wouldn't have given it to you"
"Thank you," says the inebriate; chad l
known that you were so bloody liberal, I'd a
boned you for quarter"
"Here is fifteen cents more for your impu-
dence," handing the man the amount. "Good
morning"
Their visitor backed to the door, then turn
ing to Jim with an amusing stare he said, 81
would like to tell you something, providing
you won't get mad"
"Go ahead. What is it?" was the reply.
"Well, you're the ugliest white man think
ever saw"