The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-24
SINGLE BLEssEDNESs.
FROM A YOUNG GIRLS STANDPOINT.

i Heigho! What bother it is to look for
husband; now I do believe / viii stop an
Just settle into a sedate old maid, for do con
tend that single blessedness is state to b
envied instead Of ridiculed; one to be sOugh
after instead Of Stunned. It is all nonsense
this talk about the loneliness and discomfor
Of the situation. for one, am convinced tina
it is not only jolly, but decidedly comfortable
Think of the advantages the single maiden
I don't care fig what her age may be, ha
over the poor, overworked, care-burdened
hRged-out wife and mother, and then see TO
yourself if am not right.
In the first place, the unmarried damse
can get up in the morning before daybreak
or 20 to bed with the birds; she can ca
humble-bees or dagon-hies if she likes, ani
the diet were at all digestible, or sip rose
water and extract of honeydew every half
hour during the day. She can dress Just as
the spirit moves her, wearing nightcap
even If they are not fashionabl>, all the morn.
ing, or varying that style by pretty display
of rufles and furbelows in the evening, OF
vice versa, without being interfered with. Il
her inclination prompts her to flourish a
tremendous length Of trail, she can do SO
without the least fear of some six-footed,
long bearded old mustang singing out "Why
the deuce can't you keep your dry goods out
of fellows way!'
And then, if her teeth are as long as the
legs of chair. if her eyes squint like those
of sleepy owl, whose business is it, would
like to know?
Again, If the single woman wishes to prom
enade Broadway, she can do that without nine
OF ten dirty faced, stick-6ngered children set
ting up cry to go along, or their gruff old
paternal exclaiming, ''Hang it! wish you
would stop this everlasting gadding and stay
at home to look after dinner and attend to the
house."
Yes! Blessings ON the old maids, every one
Of them, and the young maids too. ssThey can
run and not be weary they can walk and not
faint" .h- a@
Why?
Because they have nothing to do but laugh
and grew fat! No old coats and shirts to
mend, no bluebeards to please, and no Bird
gets to schold. Scarlet fever, whooping cough,
mumps and chicken-pox are not terrible in
their eyes, for they have no little Sammys
and Tommys to pilot through them. Fly
specks, grease spots and rat holes are moth
ing to them,lfor they have neither houses nor
barns to worry over.
Truly then, blessed be nothing but green
backs and nickel coin, and the old maids
wish need only be to have plenty of those in
her pocket and plenty of wit at her tongues
end, and her sleep may be as peaceful as q
good feather bed and soft rose blankets can
make It. f. ss.4.
Better love poodles, pussy-cats and parrots,
better knit mittens and socks for the wounded
soldier, better eat alone and die alone, than to
Grabbed, snarling, swapping, Rrunting, growl-
ing, smoking. chewing old Benedict, whom
the laws Of the land has set to rule over you.
was interrupted here, dear reader, inter
rupted, too, in . very ridiculous way; for as
looked up one instant, hand seized my pen
and all, and lips from under . handsome
brown mustache said domineeringly: CHOW
write what dictate. will wager my new
mix hat that every one Of the young, single
damsels for whom that advice is intended,
will march into matrimony before next year
closes, just for the sake Of proving the con-
trary to be fact; and, moreover, this pro-
cession to the altar will be headed by the
author of the sage advice, led by q widower
with six"
CHOW, sir" I indignantly exclaimed; .'stop
exactly where you are; six, you said, and this
the first knew of it. May mercitul Provi-
dence defend me from that horrible widowef
with six bawling and rioting boys-as o!
course now expec. them all to be! No, sir,
I will not write another word. Six, indeed
Outrageous What is that you say, sir !? ''Not
one word has escaped my lips about six boys,
Or girls, either, for that matter. "Well,
really, if you did not mean either boys or
girls, you great humbug, will you be SO con-
siderate as to tell me what you did mean?"
"Why, yes," was the reply, " if you will
only listen. was merely about to say, led
by widower with SEC, 900, and handsome
house on Fifth Avenue. all furnished.
CHOW. Charley Woodside, that il . de-
cidedly different version of the story. II
that widower has no encumbrances, or only
one or two, . handsome face, and $4,000
with house, why-why-we will consider
it viii pay to be snubbed."
ssThe moon changes even as your mind"
Now, my dear reader, do not imagine that
I penned that saucy quotation from Claiming
IF the Shrew." No, it was that provoking
Charley who slyly did it, while I was trying
10 defend my cheeks from sudden invasion
IF moustaches, and how he managed to get it
here unseen viii forever remain . mystery.