Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-06-26
Fl UMOR.l

IL u I'LL ~ II
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ode Provisions, JOSIAH pa sapi-
emit looking Fayetteville, North Cardinal
darkey, oscillating between: twenty and
twenty-five summers, overlook an old ne
gro on the street the other day, and wedg-
ing him in a fence corner, proceeded to ac-
quaint him with all the gorgeous provis-
ions of the civil rights bill. Young Africa
impaired to old Africa fund of valuable
information, thusly:
s'Well, Uncle Billy, Summers swivel
rights bill dun passed de Senate OBJ de
United States widout a murmur."
''IS dat SO, Josiar 7"
'sJess SO, Uncle Billy. And say, Uncle
Billy, we colored pusssons is gwine to see
whose peryisions is in de pot. We are
gwine to be allowed to ride free on de rail
roads, smoke in de ladies' car, and put our
feet on de purcussions oh de seats when
eber we dam please.''
''ls dat so, josiah ?"
'sJess so, Uncle Billy. And say, Uncle
Billy, we's gwine to be allowed to stop at
de hotels and set at de head oh de table,
and hab de biggest slice oh de chickens,
and lay around in de parlor and spit on de
carpets, and make de white trash hustle
themselves and wait on US widout grum-
blin'; and wheneber de boss OBJ de concern
shoves bill at us, We'll lab him sent to
Washington and obscured in de plenipo-
Tertiary"
s'Is dat so Josiar ?7'
"Jess so, Uncle Billy. And say, Uncle
Billy, we's gwine to be allowed to 60 to de
white schools and set up on de flatform
wild de teacher and learn gehography trig-
germanometry, gehominy, Latin, Dutch,
French, Choctaw. algeebray, rheumatics,
de rule of thrice and de diarrhea."
''Good God is dat so, Josiar 2"
''Jess so, Uncle Billy. And say, Uncle
Billy, we's gwine to be allowed to be bu-
ried in italic collins wild looking glasses on
top oh dem, and dey will hab to carry us
on hearse to de graveyard and bury us
on top OBJ de white folks, SO when de day
oh resurrection am arrived and de angel
Gabriel come tootin' along, he'll sing out
troo his trumpet, All you colored gemmen
Use fust!' And say, Uncle Billy, de pre-
visions OBJ dat bill''-
whats dat you say bout provisions
Josiar 20
"Well, Uncle Bill, as was gwine ON 10
state, de provisions oh dat bill"
stGtnn Tinht dor 1ociar 30
provisions in dat bill ?"
"Jess so, Uncle Billy. De provisions OBJ
de bill''-
''Stop right dar, Josiar. Eff dere's per-
visions in dat bill I want a sack OBJ -four
dis berry minnit Dam de smokin' in de
ladies' car, an de gehography, and de
Latin, an de italic collins want de per-
visions, Josiar Dey's all dere is in de
bill dat's wuff dam cent -
"NoT DAY FOR WHIsTLIN'." 1.-THE
late Doctor Macadam used to tell of
tipsy Scotchman making his way home up
on bright Sunday morning, when the
good folks were vending their way to the
kirk A little dog pulled the ribbon from
the hand Of a lady who was leading it, and
as it ran away from her she appealed to
the first passer-by, asking him to whistle
for her poodle. "Woman," he retorte d
with that solemnity Of visage which only
drunken Scotchman can assume, s'We-
man, this is no day for Whistlin.''
A sly old boy, aged eighty, was before
London court for breach of promise
lately. The only thing that saved him was
the economical method of his spelling in
his letters. When he wanted to say ''May
God Bless you and Kisses" he only wrote
'sM. G. B. U. and K" I'M. d. in his
letters signified my DEAR" and 81. P''
'slittle pet"
A liberal-minded youngster was picked
up by visitor of the family, who, dang
ling him on his knee, said: 81 wish I had
this little boy: think there's money in
him. To which promptly responded the
child: II know there is, for I swallowed
a cent when | was at grand-rna's the other
day."
Elbows business now ?'' inquired one
Nashville merchant of another, yesterday.
'sDull, fearfully DALI" was the reply
'sThe fact is, nobody buys anything, just
now, but provisions and whiskey-the bare
necessaries of life, as it were.''
Some Of the generals andlother officers
engaged in the Arkansas war think they
should be allowed to retire on half pay, in
stead of being unceremoniously compelled
to earn a living by vending peanuts and
candy.
A Connecticut man, whose son was ill,
appealed to the physician: EDO bring him
out of it right away, doctor; do break up
the fever at once, even if you charge as
much as if he went through whole course
of fever.