South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-09-04

"A Mississippi doctor gave a Memphis man a
box OF anti-biious pills the other day, with d.
rections written on the box 20 "take one pill
five times day" A very economical pill this.
Professor, will you have a cigar 2" said q
man in the Office Of Boston hotel Nineteen
men steee up and rss'iafl 'iThank you-don',
care If do" Ifyou tell that yarn in Missouri
substitute Colonel for Professor"
"A Philadelphia obituary poet Is trying to
think Of something to say on the death of on old
lady, lo7 yrs. of age. The following is suggested:
Another old citizen gone
She lived to an hundred and seven
For such good person she
Was long time getting to heaven.
An exchange says: The gift chrome bust
ness has reached its subimest altitude in WASH
ington county. An enterprising clergyman Of
fers AN elegant chrome to every person who
shall not miss one OF his sermons for a year"
"A school girl in Davenport was overheard
trying to convince a school fellow that she liked
him better than she did come other urchin, of
whom he seemed jealous. 'iOf course like you
better than do Bill, she said-for don miss
words in my spelling lesson on purpose, so as to
be down 10 the foot OF the class where YOU aye ?'
"A pensive young man in Wisconsin, while
singing "Come, love, GOMEZ beneath his dulci-
meas window the other night, had love, music
wind and everything else knocked out of him
by something in a long white garment that
fell out OF chamber window. 1t proved 20 be
nobody but his girl, who in her an iety to know
who was serenading her leaned too far over the
window sil-hence the result He saws when lie
sings Come love, come" again, he will keep
away from under the window, as his system cam
stand many such shocks
"A lady about to marty was warned tina. her
intended, although good man, was very eccen-
trio. WELL she said, If he is very unlike 9TH
er men he is the more likely TO be good hus-
band %
-Ex-Goyernor Washburn, of Massachusetts
in his account of his native town, Livermore,
tells how in olden towns, they utilized murder
ers. IAN Indian had killed another of the same
tribe at Roccomeco, who left an iniirm and Grip
pied squaw. The murderer was arrested tried
and convicted, but instead of hanging him and
what might be put to some advantage, his iudg-
es sentenced him TO support and care for and
wait upon the widow of the slain Indian az long
rs she should live. Vice President Hamliu has
often heard his mother-a daughter of Deacon
Livermore-say that she had many time seen
the Indian carrying tho woman on his back or
hauling her on hand sled. The last of this
tribe of Roccomecos died at Lake Umbagog more
than fifty years ago.
"A Rhode Island convict recently admitted 10
his spiritual guide that on one occasion he had
suffered the keenest remorse for crime. 1t was
when he stole four cucumbers from poor but
deserving man, and ate them. That night be-
fore the doctor got there, he made a solemn vow
that II his life were spared, he would never re-
peat the act, and he never has.
WHAT SHALL We Do WITH OUR DAUGnTEns
The Davenport Democrat thus makes answer
Teach them selfreliance.
Teach them 10 make shirts
Teach them to make bread
Teach them to foot up store bills
Teach them not TO wear false hair.
Teach them not 10 paint nor powder
Teach them to wear warm, thick shoes.
Teach them how to make good meal of vic.
tuals.
Teach them every day, dry, hard, practical
common sense.
Teach them how to darn stockings and sew on
buttons
Give them good substantial common school
education.
Teach them to say no, and mean it, or yes
aud stick to it,
Teach them to wear calico dresses and do it
like queen.
Teach them to regard the morals ana not the
money Of a beau
Teach them to have nothing to do with intern |
perate and dlssoute young men,
Teach them complishments-music, paint !
ing, drawing-if you have time and money to
do it with
Teach them that God made them in his own |
hinge, and no amount of tight lacing will i'm
prove the model
Teach them that a good, steady mechanic. |
without a cent, is worth a dozen oil patent loaf |
ers in broadcloth
ONE AND ONE.
Two little girls are better than one,
Two little boys can double the fun
Two little birds can build foe nest.
Two little arms can love mother beat
Two little ponies must go 10 span
Two little pockets has my little man.