Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-05-14
BREVITIES.

KEY WEST has captured a 1OU-pound
green turtle.
IT is astonishing the amount of noise
red-haired boy will get out of whistle.
A NoRwALK Comm cat, bereaved of
her kittens, has adopted five young chick
ems.
STEPPING with the bare feet on an OIL
cloth at two a. N. rarely fails OF suggest
ing new figures of speech.
"IF you are counting a girl" says a
California paper, "stick to her, no matter
how large her fathers feet are"
THE cremation idea is progressing. A
burial case factory in Detroit has just
been burned. -ROchester Chronicle.
WHEN Jones heard that there was a
touch of malice in certain great authors
smile he said he took sugar Ia his.
A DUBUQUE girl received three pounds
of candy and serenade by starting the
story that she had fallen heir to $4,000.
To CLEAN Drowned porcelain kettle,
boil peeled potatoes in it. The porcelain
will be rendered nearly as white as when
new.
ARTIFICIAL flowers sewed to wide
band Of black velvet are worn about the
throat by the fashionable bellies as neck
lace.
THERE are still some people living in
the mountains of Kentucky who have
never seen grain of tea or coffee in their
lives
THE contents believed the Streets"
signs the Manchester Mirror and Amer
ican. 1t was broken molasses hogs
head.
SOME one has stolen the silver brick
which Nevada was going to present to
the English Capt. Lorraine.-Detrolt Free
Press
IT is good ground for divorce in St.
Louis if wife finds 113 love-letters from
a red-headed woman in her husbands
pocket.
A MASSACHUSETTS man is reported as
having died from PhiLitGG Z 5kar0puS. The
name Of the malady is enough to kill q
rhinocerus.
A RICHMOND paper thinks that the NOV
ing of the mountains in North Carolina
must be owing to the increase of faith in
that region.
TITUS A. BRICK is the name Of a New
Orleans poet, and it accurately describes
the condition of many persons not poets.
-Memphis A0GlGnche.
The Rhode Island papers have to be
careful. A native Of Providence stopped
his Press because the name of his son was
left out of baseball report.
Now it is the lawyers who are to be
ruined by "cheap labor" for a Nevada
Celestial is studying Blackstone, and OF
course will work at half-price.
BoBBs complains that his wife is an in
f1ationist. She blows him up every day,
81 TO ha llyy
feels that he is beyond redemption.
IF a Kentucky man will shoot his best
friend in a dispute about ffty-cent UNI
brelIa, what would he do in case some
one drove his best cow to the pound?
A Two-YEAR-oLD heifer in Johnston, R.
l., recently climbed on low shed and
from thence to a barn, and walked the
ridge pole-and came down again safely.
A MAINE debating society is now wrest-
ling with the question: Is a Sabbath
school Superintendent justified in wear
ing red neck-tie ?''-B0stOn Transcript.
Miss ALEXANDER, who lectured in Bal
timore the other night on MormOnism,
said that one old polygamist offered to
marry her mother, her sister and herself
The tent in which a Baptist congrega-
L
ing for two years has been removed and
a permanent church edifce is to be erected
on the spot.
THE Brooklyn Eagle doesn't pretend to
know much about science or astronomy,
but does the world a good turn by an
nouncing that popcorn won't pop in
damp weather.
The woman's crusade has already pro-
duced $4,000 newspaper puns, of which
the threat of the saloon-keepers to NAL
treat their visitors is perhaps the best
that is, the worst.
A MAN in Boston, in his hurry TO assist
a fainting lady, got bottle of mucilage
instead of camphor, and bathed her face
with it. She was good deal stuck up
with his attention.
A NEW YORK paper says that Vir
ginia mule is two pegs above New York
Coroner in point Of intelligence and sa-
gacity, though it doesn't want to hurt any
Coroner's feelings.
DIR. Do LEWIS asserts that smokers
are morose. This is because, during one
of his dull lectures few weeks ago to a
small audience of tobacco publishers,
more rose and left than ed.-MNnphis
AUGld7ache.
FAST DAY was instituted in New En-
gland, it is said, because on Thanksgiving
the people ate twice as much as on any
other day, rendering a day of abstinence
necessary to prevent a partial famine in
that section.
THE man who invents a pew stool that
a worshiper can approach with his foot
without having it fly up and make
noise in the middle of a sermon will
supplant an Astor in wealth and Wash
ington in fame.
HALF a pound of shot administered to
sympathetic cats at this season of the
year will bear fruit in increased hours of
slumber throughout the summer, and have
tendency to prevent a corner IN the
chicken market.
SOME melancholy man with a turn for
arithmetic has calculated that the people
who died in Philadelphia last year
would have made procession one mile
long, marching ten abreast What a loss
to the centennial
The ladies continue to encroach upon
styles once considered exclusively mas
culine. Walking coats, vests, jackets,
etc., are more popular than ever, and it is
strongly limited that the ladies pant for the
neither garment also.
THE Siamese Twins were Baptists.
But" says the Presbyterian, suppose
one had been a disbeiiever, how could
the other have been immersed 90 But
another says they were not Baptists, they
were United Brethren