Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1874-07-18
A Bolt Always in Order.

SqulllS declares mat MS VIE Is always
taking some kind of mean advantage of him.
"The best woman in the world, SIR says
Squills; "but now and then. she will act
mean, and she can't help it,
Last Sunday, at breakfast, says Squills,
"she was a. smiling as basket Of chips"
care your chops done to your liking,
Squills, dear?''
"Deliciously, my love
81 broiled them myself, dear"
81 knew it was going to be hot said
SquiIls, 'and when got into the hall to
leave, Mrs. Squils was there, with my hat
in one hund and my oyercoat in the other y
"Squills, dear she began
Il thought it time to pitch in here" said
Squills, $50 I said quietly -
"Ilow much, Mrs. Squills? Out with.it,
my love-
"Nlr. Squills, don't be unmanly, sir, l
beg, not to say ridiculous. Gussy wants
silk dress to 90 to church in; the poor child
really isn't derent-you are very sorry?
Well, 50 you ought to be Let her say her
prayers at home? No, Mr.. Squlls. she
shan't stay at home, and she shan't say her
prayers; and, Mr.. Squils. yoa're enough to
aggrayate saint. and your cond4ct is dis
gushing, and its enough to drive a woman
to bolt right of to Chicago and get
divorce
81 thought this was good time to fire
of my pet Joke" said SqJiIIs. $50 said -
Mrs. Squils, ii bolt Is always in order.
Then boltcd myself. for Mrs Squills comes
ofa fighting family.
"When went home that night Gus>y,
dear child, played all my pet OHtnbach
music, and knew was i'll for the dress,
only wanted to hold out till morning, just
for the looks of tn thing.
''For five years after we were married
Mrs. Squill~ would persist in looking under
the bed for mau Its the same man every
woman looks for, suppose, because they
all do it. Well. failing to find the man,
Mrs. Squills gave up in disgust, and took to
something else. Mrs. Squills weakness is
boiling the door. Mr.. Squills have you
botcd the door, is always the last thing at
night.
This particular night, Mrs. Sqnills was
very digniiicd and distant No lamiliarities,
Mr.. Squills, if you please; wounded my
feelings in their tcnderest point this morn
ing; and | cannot forget, though you did,
that am your wife, sir, and the mother of
YOUR children, Mr. So nils.
"ThiS was pitching it uncommonly strong,
you know" said Squills. ''and was about
to surrender. when Mrs. Squills turned off
the gas and then coiled herself up in a pet,
somewhere on the outside Of the bed rail
Not even Good night, Squill1.' | felt
pretty bad about it, | can tell you, but
went to sleep, butaTter while experienced
kick in the back, as if some playful mule
had been tanning me. Perhaps it was nee
e,sary as | always sleep hard.
"Mr. SquiIls, at last | heard Mrs S.
say, Mr.. Squills, have YOU bolted the door,
"Now, leave it to any man whether that
is the correct thing for the mother Of the
family to do? OF course got up and boltcd
the door, and | said, Mrs. Squils, why
didnt you think of boiling the door before
went to sleep, and not to wake up man in
the middle Of a cold night to do it?' And
what doy suppose her answer was?
"Why, Mr.. Squills, said she, 4 thought
a bolt was always in order
"What did | say? What could say :?
And the worst of all, said Squills, "I'll bo
hanged if she wasn't laughing at me-"