The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1874-07-07

utt pOTtlOus VI thc UOuJ hIe tuo
best travolers7 Tho two wrists tour.
ists).
A gunsmith's shop is like chicken
pie, because it contains foul.in' pieces.
Some thoughtless person says, at is
unkind to ridicule those items in the pa.
pers about centenarians 1t is no easy
thing to become centenarian several
have failed"
The clusser we git to CRATE man the
less he appears to US. Distance lends her
enchantment in this respect az liberal az
in emmy other.
The heroic frmness with which a wo.
man will persist in carrying roll Of dry
goods as large as she can hold in her
arms is only equaled by the poiteness
with which she requests her grocer to
deliver a pound of butter at her house.
Why do women talk less 10 February
than in any other month Because it is
the shortest month in the pear,
A matter.of fact old gent thinks it
must be very small baseball that can
be caught on fly.
Nature provides no reserved seats for
the rich and dainty. When there is ice
on the pavement they sit where they can.
Josh Billings says There is phew
things on the ioce Of the earth more
worthless than a poodle, aud yet am
glad there is poodles, for if there was not,
there is some people who wouldn't have
emmy object in living, and have nothing to
luv."
a reporter ia depicting wreck ut
sea, says that "uo less than thirteen un-
lortunates bit the dust
There is not much difference between
good roadster and iarrier. One is a
sure horse and the other in horse sheer
A Sacramento 3.year old urchin found
his fathers lead-pencil astray on the floor,
and used it until he broke the point
Shortly after he addressed his paren;
"Pa, lend me your knife to skin this pen
Gil !"
There never lived man who was Ii.
onized, says an exchange, that it did not
spoil. That editor evidently forgot the
prophet Daniel.
THE Swedish navy, by new arrange.
ments Just made, will include the whole
male nautical population, who will be La
BILE Tor twelve years of service after at
tanning the age Of twenty-one,
A Hartford man keeps a spade close
to his kitchen door, and whenever a
tramp comes along and begs for dinner,
he is 'equested to earn it by digging four
feet square 10 the garden, but the tramp
invariably refuses to pay this price
They call it case Of grave suspi.
cion" when they find man in a Virginia
creek, head split open, and the body
weighed down with rocks.
Importiueut dandy "a Strangely May
| have the honor to accompany you,
Miss p Cool young lady-"Cer :ainly
but keep behind, in your proper place l
discharged my last Eootman for importi-
neDce"
A young lady of Fort Plain was Tilted
by her lover, and her hair turned gray in
single hour. Everybody thinks she
will dye.
The man who sang, "Oh breathe no
more that simple air." went into the
smoking car where it was more mixed
Grace is modest girl, and refuses to
wear low dresses. Mamma" she re-
marks to her maternal, "that is more than
eau bare"
Tho Danbury Ne,cs is mean enough to
make comments on young man in that
town who inadvertently dated his letter
"2d Mary, 1874
A good little Bangor boy refused 10
spell cider because he had signed the
pledge. That excuse hadn't the requi-
site thickness, and the boy was sent to
his seat to learn bis lesson.
An old chap, whose wife was as ugly
as sin, was reading an elopement case
which seemed to affect him. Said he,
II should be tempted to shoot man it
he was to run of with my wife," well"
said hearer, "a man ought to be shot if
he run off with your wife" Verdict for
hearer.