River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-03-17
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

The cockney's congratulation TO the
newly married Duke" much jaw"
SHUN the man whose presence makes
it seem easier to do wrong.
In Arkansas, when man walks into
a house and shoots the proprietor and
others, he is styled can intruder"
A MAN out west who has married and
buried three sisters now comes up smil-
ing at the altar, having begun on new
family.
A PENNLYLvANIA man went out to get
his boots heeled eight years ago, and as
he has never returned, his wife is be-
coming alarmed.
CHARLES LAMB, when speaking Of one
of his rides on horseback, remarked
that "all at once his horse stopped, but
he kept right on. y
Mrs. JENKINS complained in the eve.
ming that the turkey she had eaten did
not set well. Probably" said Jenk-
ms, sit was not hen-turkey."
The New York Academy of Music is
said to be overrunwith mice, and some
times one will accompany lady home,
concealed in her clothing.
CHARLES LAMB was once asked by q
fond mother how he liked babies.
With his inimitable stutter he replied
B-o-b-boiled madam /"
"PADDY, says a joker, "why don't
you have your ears cropped ?-they are
entirely too long for man" "And
yours, replied Pat, oughtto be length
ened: they are too short for an ass"
THE poor are suffering this winter.
Mrs 7. Templeton Shawdee says she
cannot afford roast beef at 33 cents a
pound while opera tickets are 81 each.
A MARYLAND farmer discovered atree
across the railroad track, and he stayed
there six hours to stop the train and
have the conductor punch his head for
not getting an ak and clearing thetrack.
There is no telling what that intelli-
gent coroner's jury will do next since il
shooting his wife, whom he, upon hon
or, "mistook for stray cat. /"
THERE is nothing quite SO exhausting
to village newspaper as to write up
! complimentary notice of local exhibit
| ton, in which there are thirteen per-
formers who design sending copies of
the paper to ther friends.
A BACHELOR says if you hand a lady
a newspaper with a paragraph cut out
Of Il, not d line of 1t will be read, but
every bit of interest felt in the paper,
by the lady will center in finding out
what the missing paragraph contained
POLICEMAN Ito individual who has ar
rived at the maudlin stage)-" Now,
then, move on. What are you a-thinkin'
on lettering hen 2" Individual-"Iwa was
fhic) a-thinkin' o turnin' over quite
moo leaf sir; quite moo leaf "
COMPLIMENTARY He--"Don't you
think, now, these are vewy dweawy
pawties where the only pawties one
meets are pawties one never knows 2"
She" Not more dweawy than other
pawties where the only ones one knows
are no ones.
YOU'VE lady purchasing some new
songs "Come back to Erin The
Vagabond. Home Sweet Home"
Shopman: +" Yes. Miss" Young la
dy: Now" Spring Spring y Shop
man "I'll be as quick as can, Miss,
but I've gothic rheumatics in my knee,
you see
ArRoPos of Matt Carpenters recent
raid on the reporters gallery, "E. j.
| H." tells the Boston Herald He
was sorry as soon as he said it, and
when one of the correspondents went
to him, and said, "Mr. Carpenter, ]
have just had one lead pencil this win
ter, and / have come to you to pay for
it, he replied, "Now. you boys just
keep your shirts on, and don't make
fuss we are not agoing to have any
| trouble.