Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-11-12
Anmntans department.
GETTING SQUADRON THE JUDGE.

An amusing incident occurred in a court
room, about year ago, in Keatingville, Mon
tana Territory.
his Honor was a man we'll stricken in
years, yet be could ride race, shoot rifle,
and shuttle and deal as we'll as the next man
in the mines, and he who presumed to trihe
with the dignity of the court generally suf.
fered for his temerity.
Now, his Honor was seated, and the case
about to be commenced, when, in voice of
thunder, the sheriff, proclaimed silence. There
was pause, the judge looked over and saw
the prisoner who had not yet uncovered his
head.
The court could not possibly brook such
disrespect to its dignity, and his Honor called
out in an authoritative tone:
"Mr. Sheriff, remove the gentlemans hat. :"
That functionary, who had until now
stood in corner, leaning upon rife, STEP
ped up, and politely knocked off the offenders
hat with that murderous instrument, where
upon the prisoner seized the hat, and clap
ping it upon his head, loudly exclaimed /:
Judge, I am bald?"
"Mr. Sheriff." said the indignant court,
1--WE instruct you to remove that hat"
The order was instantly executed, and no
sooner done than the prisoner replaced the
hat on his head the second time, again insist
ing that he was bald.
The offended judge now waxed warm and,
rising up in his seat, said:
81 fine you FIVE dollars for contempt of
court-to be committed until the fine is
paid"
The prisoner was thunderstruck. He de-
liberately walked up to the Judge, and laying
down half dollar stamp before his Honor, in
solemn manner thus gave his views:
"Your sentence, Judge is most ungentle-
manly, but the law is imperative, and I will
have to stand it; so here is four bits, and
the four dollars and half that you owed me
when we stopped playing poker this morning
just makes US square"
The NAME "SM1rH."- "Gentleman," said
candidate for congress, "my name is Smith,
and am proud to say that am not ashamed
oft. It may be that no person in this crowd
owns that very uncommon name. If, howev.
er, there be one such, let him hold up his
head, pull up his dickey, turn out his toes,
take courage, and thank his stars that there
are few more left of the same sort. Gen
tlemen, I am proud of being an original
Smith, and not Smithe nor Smythe, but
regular, Smith. Putting a y in the middle
or an at the end won't do, gentlemen. Who
ever heard of great man by the name of
Smytbe or Smithe? Echo answers who /? and
everybody says nobody. But for Smith, plain
Smith, why the pillars of fame are covered
with the honored name. Who are the most
racy, witty and popular authors of this centu-
ry? Horace and Albert Smith. Who the
most original, pithy and humorous preacher I?
Rev. Sydney Smith. To 60 further back who
was the bravest and boldest soldier in Sum-
ter's army in the revolution? A Smith. Who
palavered with Powhattan, galivanted with
Pocahontas, and became the ancestor Of the
first families of Virginia? A Smith again.
And who, ask, and I ask the question most
seriously and soberly, who, 1 say, is that man,
and what is his name, who has fought the
most battles, made the most speeches, preached
the most sermons, held the most Offices, sung
the most poems, courted the most women,
kissed the most girls, and married the most
widows? History says, [ say, and you say,
and everybody says, John Smith