The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-08-29
BUDGET OF FUN.

NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
BUDGET or FUN.
If pretty girl cannot see any joke in y
kiss. rcpcat 1t and ask her to solve the re-huss
Jones calls the chapter In a new novel over
which his wife wcpt .protlsely watering
place.
~ What becomes of hogs when lLcy die =
was what juvenile in Burlington asked his
pa They go to the happy land of canine
his parent quickly replied.
A Litchlicld cow swallowed bucket OF
paint last week. Having no taste for ART she
concluded to die.
There is a woman IN lie Mart, Iowa. VINO
calls the "cerebro spinal meningitis 'he
serious old final come and get us
A New jersey enthusiast, compares INC
sound of the mosquitoes whetting their tnShs
at the sunset hour, to the music OF a distant
saw-mill.
Circumstances alter cases. For instance
when Nirginian arose IN chuich anu salu'
Here's hundred dollar bill for the old boss
behind the pulpit no one thought OF pU'tihg
him out.
teacher in Nevada, after telling her put
nils that a large waterfall was a cataract;
Now, said she, what is a little waterfall =
.Kittyract,' blurted out the tow.hcaded Young
stcr who sat chewing the corner of his primer
IN the front seat.
Frenchwomcn are divided in opinion as to
the revival Of bonnet.strlngS, one party wish
ing to have bows under their chins, whilst
others are content with keeping their bcaux
under their thumbs.
4 recent ghost was heard singing:
Twas a cough that carried me Oft;
Twas a coffin they carried me OIL in
Are there any fools IN this town. asked a
stranger Of a newsboy the other day. i
don't know replied the newsboy; are you
lonesome?
When a horse reaches 10 or II years of age
don't kill him because he is getting too OLD
GOLDSMITH Maid is over Il, and is showing
considerable activity yet.
A singular diilerence--Call a girl young
witch and she is pleased; call an elderly wo'
man an oldIwitch and her Indignation knows
no bounds.
When they told an Indiana woman that hci
husband had been sliced up by q reaper, she
impatlently replied; Well, take the pieces
TO the barn. can't leave this gooscberry
sauce Just now
We find the following in a Western paper
Mir, who has been in retirement for a
few weeks after marrying and burylng three
sisters, came up smilingly to the altar again
Yesterday, having begun on new family
A Wisconsin widow has buried her eighth
husband and a subscription is on foot to in
duce her to establish her private cemetery in
sone other State.
OF course, il is considerable of an accom-
pllshmcnt for a woman to be able to converse
in seven languages, but it is more to hcl
credit if she can hold her tongue in one Ian
guag0.
A district schoOlmaster in one of the up
per counties of Michigan was asked what
I amt particular: most any kind that vii
just peel the hide when you strike
A beautiful illustration Of woman's love
has lust been exhibited in Liverpool. \ wo
man. to shield her husband who was charged
with removing the end Of her nose, swOrc thai
she bit it off herself
A Frenchman having heard the word pres
made use Of to signify persuasion-as press
that gentleman to take something TO eat
took occasion one evening at Il party to use
term which lie thought synonymous, and beg
ged friend TO squeeze young lady sing.
Mamma, where do the cows get the milk ?
asked Willie, looking up from the foamins
pail of milk which he had been intently re
garding. Where do you get your iears?' wa
the answer. After thoughtful silence ht
again broke out, Mamma, do the cows have
10 be spanked.
well, Dennis, how are you getting on
How do you like your new master" Dennis
Faith, Miss, | Dunno RcCtOr's da ugh,e
He's very excellent man; you can't d.
too much for him. Dcnnis.-'An' shure
Miss, don't name to-
l, may not be generally known, says
Chicago paper, that the enormous archie
which support the Chicago and st. Loui
bridge were copied from the cast taken from
the instep Of "a prominent st. Louis belle.
When Il Tennessee husband will horSewhil
his wife for washing potatoes in his Sunda.
plug CHAT ii is time TO inquire whether thl
generation of men isn't getting too coniound
ed heightened for the age OF the country?
A young lady came to the city the othe
day to have her picture taken. When the
artist showed her the proof" and asked heI
how sheliked it, she placidly remarked that h,
put too darn much mouth on it" to suit her
The bite OF man is said to breed hydro