Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-04-01
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

| ofRlNG w AIER-ADr1l showers.
GENERALLY sPEAKING-Women.
WHY should artists drink paint? Be-
cause it suits their palate.
This country has sown a terrible
amount of wild oats since it's father died.
AS twice eleven is twenty-five, how
can twice ten be twenty too?
You've man, you had better be honest
than cunning, and it is hard work to be
both.
ONE Ov the most perfect viktorys WI
kan achieve over emmy man is to beat
him in politeness.
L KANT tell exakly what's the matter
ov me, but am allwuss Just a leetle shy
Ov the woman who wears her hair kut
short
The Congregationalist explains what
1t means by lightning bug piety"-
bright while it lasts, but cold and soon
out.
A PREVALENCE of the measles is re-
ported IN Connecticut, but there's one
town there not at all alarmed It's Had
dem.
A New ENGLAND boy thinks heaven
place where he can buy two oranges for
a cent. But he can't conceive where he
is to get the cent.
AN Arkansas man is travelling around
delivering lecture composed of eight
chapters OF the bible, and none of his
hearers have detected the literary theft.
Who can doubt that anything which
makes man discontinued with his state,
without giving him the certainty of a
better, Is a curse?
SELF-RENUNCIATIoN is not surrender
OF will. The will is never SO strong as
IN giving up, for principle and the COM
mon veal, self-interesto or sensual delight.
A KENTUCKY paper apologies for av-
ing spoken of 4" the red-headed malig-
nant mule who dispenses the county
money" by saying that it wrote, Chg
hearted, valiant soul"
ONG is the name of an adult dwarf in
Iowa, whom CON- Mutt would tower over
one inch ONG must be very short, but
it would only take an ell to make him
long.
ONE can judge something of the pa
thence of Hoosiers from the statement
of an Indiana paper that twenty men
handled over twenty-five cords of wood
TO get at a RABBIT.
The golden moments in the stream of
life rush past us, and we see nothing
but sand the angels come to visit us,
and we only know them when they are
gone.
L LIKE the breakfast time better than
any other moment in the day. No dust
has settled on ones mind then, and it
presents a clear mirror to the rays of
things.
INDIGNATION will find the breast of
every artist when we state that two men
were arrested in alumber yard the other
day, because they were suspected of a
design on aOood.
Has it never occurred to us, when
surrounded by sorrows, that they may
be sent to us only for our instruction as
we darken the trees of birds when we
wish to teach them to sing
PROFESSOR" said student in pur-
suit OF knowledge concerning animals,
why does cat while eating turn her
head first one way and then another ?''
"For the reason, said the professor.
"that she cannot turn it both ways at
once"
A LADY asked a pupil at a public ex-
animation of a Sunday School, What
was the sin of the Pharisees % 'sEating
camels, ma'am,' was the quick reply.
She had read that the Pharisees
" strained at gnats and swallowed cam
els.''
I HAVE had people set down bi mi
side and konfdenshally undertake to
explain sumthing to me of CRATE i'm
toll l.
minutes bi the watch, [ not only didn't
kno what they had been trieing to tell.
but had forgot good deal that I knew
before.
SAID Lord John Russell to Hume, at
a social dinner: "What do you consider
the object of legislation?'' " The great
est good to the greatest number"
"What do you consider the greatest
number?' continued his lordship.
Number one, my lord, was the COM
moner's prompt reply.
Mr. LOWE, in his address to the con-
stituency of the London University.
says that " the man who prefers custom
to law announces a principle which
would stereotype every abuse and SUBJ
stitute the blind guesses of barbarism
for the clear and well considered con-
illusions of civilized age.''
A YOUNG man, having put a crown
piece into "the plate" in an Edinburgh
church by mistake instead of a penny,
asked to have it back, bnt was refused.
In once, in forever. Aweel, aweel,"
grunted he, 81 will get,,credit for it in
Heaven. 'Na, na, said Jeems, the
door-keeper, yell get credit only for
the penny ye meant to gle"
Two neighbors had protracted suit
at law concerning spring, which they
both claimed. The judge became weary
with the case and said, "What is the
use of making such fuss about little
water?" 'Your Honor will see the use
of it, replied one of the lawyers, "when
inform you that the parties are both
milkmen."
Two little girls, cousins, not a hun.
dred miles from Providence. went to