The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-09-19
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Joliet RepubUcan makes the omcnde hoao'
aJe respecting us (BccmusD Nothing now re
mains between us but coffee for two,"-and m
pistols!
A Rome (Mich) marksman thinks that he Ia
made the most extraordinary shot ON record. ii
aimed to bring down woodchuek and chipmun
at one shot and brought down Il spring CALI
Exchange.
When II. W. Beechcr was out sporting in tn
famous library scene" what he aimed at is un
certain, Probably calf, but he got only al
ankle, (Gide Noulton)
Fox river is so low at Dundee that the Cdi@e'
says Clutes steamboat raised quite dust whil,
passing. 81
Why didA't the stupid people there send
street sprinkler ahead of the boat
London contriycs to produce harmony out OF
an orchestra composed of ffty-thrcc women ar
lists.
We know how that could be done The women
are deaf mutes, and tonguctied at that! ltcould
not be accomplished in any other way.
The latest organization of which any record
has been made, is the Convention recently held
ut Ottawa by the Castor Bean raisers. The ac-
ton of the meeting was very free, and they pass
The fellow who wrote the above is informed
that we don't raise caster beans in Ottawa-not a
bean-not be(a)n.a. He wrote that because he
could think of nothing else that was mean. He
is literary mendicant, beggar, a root-a.bcg
gar and we have cow that can eat him.
Hail stones as big as hens eggs fell in Coicy
county recently. They made watcrmeons look
sickle.
Glad of it! Revenge is sweet. Many time
have melons made us sick.
Family recipe for large cake Melons stom-
ac(h)ake
In Chicago notorious vagabond has been sen.
fenced, ii is said, to the common council for two
years-thicdgO Courier
The pcnitentiary must look to its laurcls II is
getting too respectable, compared with the
Chairman scoundrcls" of Chicago
Louisville and a Milwaukee man recently
visited the House Of Commons together, but re-
tired in great confusion and disgust when the
members suddenly began to shout car ear
CiRcinRat Commercial
A Western Postmaster write to the Postmaster
General that hell will be full of country Post
masters before long If they do not get more pay
than is allowed this oflice.-Ez
This means that more postmasters will become
dcfaulters, and thereby swell the great masses
Of the administration party, The best Of loyalty
10 Grant is, not whether YOU voted for him. but
when you held Office, how much did you steal:
Those who have tried it say that kissing is |
ike n sewing machine, because it seems good !
EI
Yes, il is like 4 sewing machine in more ways
han onr. 1t uemS good to a rslier, because he |
never can ret enough kisses from his sweetheart |
to tuch,r him out Should the girls mother
latch him at it, its accdtss to say that she would
up Jraid.'cr scold, or rgtie him. OF course, he
will explain, and hem and haw," and keep bo5-
bin around The girl ac-coniing with your feel
ings, will scrc,c up her mouth and sean innocent,
and oil right, and try to bredk the h,cod Of her
mothers discourse. Should things thus not be-
come too Jndi@q, by running too easy, you will be
the Victor.
An Alabama editor winds up an editorial on the !
corn crop with he remark, 1--WE have on eYhibi. !
ton in our sanctum PAIR Of magnificent ears "
--EL.
He might very correctly have added, and for
c orn juice sec our inside,
We see it announced by posters on the streets /
that "Seltzcr'@ Apcricnt." But they don't say
whether 1t is a boy or girl.-Haryord Post,
If you see policeman aim at dog, try 10 get
near the dog.-ky.
But suppose the dog had some sclf.respcc. and
wouldn't let YOU associate with him.
When minister dcvo!cs whole sermon 10
nest hider, y il is TO be presumed that hc has 4
goody number Of that class in his congregations
that Is if he is prdcf'ca} man, for that sort Of
preacher don't shoot At nothing. HU,Gn 20.
H,rdH
Yes, but what sort OF man !, a rrr.';,od one:
and what does he hit?
Baldwin, Of the III PdSy Jouradl Won't 90 to
he Black Hills. We were intending Ia 90 there
with him, but 4, he has firkcrod out, We flick /
too. He explains
Those OF our reader, WHO are about setting out
FOR the Black Hills, win he gratiiicd to learn that
orders have been given 10 burn their wagon
trans, destroy their outfit aud arrest their lc sd
crs. If the |. 5. infantry can not accomplish
his, force of cavalry il To be detailed 10 DO it,
We did think Of taking q vacation of u few DAYS Il
and going out there for q few bushels of "old
but II We are 10 h" annoyed in this way, We had
Just leave ~ stay "thomc aud issue thrJvo,0oias
usual
We trartully publish Tho following poetry:
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters II the Nile .,
On every golden sralr.
How chcrrlully il seems Ia min i
How neatly spread his claw.
Mud welcome The little fishes iu q
With gentle, smiling jaw,
The Detroit Tr,Jps has lust moved iu,o a h,auI
new stone office, and prints picture Of II with
man going up stairs, two steps al time 10 whip
the editor, aud q woman coming down the stree,
with piece OF poetry tul Him Ia print C;or;,.l
5t1ti comma cdl. Z
The family jar is frequently Jug. -. Par..
dg'us.
\ rural paper observed with great felicity Of
expression, These moonlight nights, Nh. by
how many vine rmbowercd gate soft eve, look
love 10 cy"s that speak again, and the pressure
ui tiny hand in the huge masculine paw wake.
To- cc-tacy the living liar"