The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-10-17
Mark Twnin's Cold, and some of the Remedies
he took for 1T,


Thursday afternoon. The exercises included
brief addresses from several of the leading
friends of education of the Empire City,
Among others, Samuel L. Clemens MARK
Twain was invit, d by the principal, Miss
X. W. White, to be present and address the
school, but he was unable to accept the invi-
tatOn, and sent the following letter of excuse,
which was read by one of the pupils:
Hartford, Conn, Oct T. 1874.
Miss X. w. White:
DEAR MADAM: Iregret exceedingly being
unable to accept your kid invitation (also
Mr.. =. G. Dutfy's) to be present at your Com.
mencement exercises, but the annoying and
vexaticus illness which still hangs about me,
together with some business engagements,
will prevent. The illness to which refer is
severe cold which took III New York last
winter during the lecture season. Perhaps
the recital of how tried to cure this cold
may be of interest, and may serve instead of
the few remarks you so politely asked me to
make to the friends and pupils.
The first time | began to sneeze, friend
told me to 20 and battle my feet in hot water
and go to bed did so. Shortly after an.
other friend told me to get up and take
cold shower.bath | did that also. Within
the hour, another friend assured me that it
was policy to feed cold and starve a fever.
| had both. So ! thought it best to fill my.
awhile. In case of this kind seldom do
things by halves | ate pretty heartily. l
conferred my custom upon a stranger, who
had just opened his restaurant on Cortlandt
street. near the hotel, that morning, paying so
much for a full meal He waited near me in
silence until had fiji ished feeding
my cold, when he inquired If the people
about New York were much afflicted with
colds. l told him thought they were. lie
then went ont and took in his sign.
| started up toward the office, and on the
way encountered another bosom friend, who
told HE that quart of warm salt water
would come as near curing me as anything
in the world. | hardly thought | had room
for it, but tried it, anyhow The result was
believe threw up my immor-
tai soul. Now, as give my experience only
for the benefit of your friends who are trou-
bled with this distcmper, feel that they will
see the propriety of my cautioning them
against following such portions CT 1t as prov
ed inefficient with me, and acting upon this
warn them against salt water.
1t may be y good enough remedy, but think
it is rather too severe If | had another cold
in the head, and there was no course left me
to take either an earthquake or a quart of
warm salt water would take the chances Of,
the earthquake.
Az This everybody in the hotel became
and took all sorts of remedies
hot lemonade, cold lemonade pepper tea,
bonset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound syrup,
onions and loaf sugar, lemons and brown
sugar, vinegar and laudanum, five bottles
Fir Balsam, eight bottles Cherry Pcctoral
and ten bottles Of Uncle Sans remedy, but
without effect One Of the prescriptions Civ
IN by an old lady was-well, 1t was dreadful
She mixed a decOction composed OF molasses,
1atn!p, peppermint, aqua FORTS, turpeDtine,
Kerosene, and various other drugs, and
instructed me to take wine glassful of it cv-
cry fifteen minutes. | never took but one
lose of it; that was enough | had to take
my bed, and remain there for two entire
lays. When | felt a little better more
hings were recommended. | was desperate,
md willing to take anything. Plain gin was
recommended, then gin and molasses, then
gin and onions. | took all three. detected
10 particular result, however, except that |
lad acquired breath like turkey bazzard, |
md had to change my boarding place. At
his new place they suggested a different rem
,dy yet, and it seemed poor policy to CON-
hence them therefore determined to take a
heet bath, though had no idea what sortof
it was 1t was administered at
midnight, and the weather was very frosty. |
Wy back and breast was stripped, and sheet
there appeared thousand yards OF it) soak
ID in icc-water was bound around me until | !
swab for columbiad. 1t Is
ruel eXpcdient. When the chilly rag touches
mes warm flesh it makes him start
With sudden violence and gasp for breath,
ust as men do when in the death agony. 1t
roze the blood in my bones and stopped the
,eatlng of my heart. | thoughtmy time lad
ONE When | recovered from this friend
recommended the application Of mustard
'lGStcr to my breast | believe that would
AVE cured me effectually if it had not been
or young Clemens. When | went to bed
ut the mustard plaster where | could reach
when should be ready for it. But young
'iemens got hungry in the night, and ate it
p. l never saw any child have such an APP
'etite, am confident that he would have
aten me if l had been healthy. After all
his experience you cannot wonder that |
read going to New York, and feel obliged
, decline your kind invitation, Wishing you
successful and pleasant time, l remain, very
especially,
S. l.. CLEMENS, Mark Twain)
just think of Senator Spencer, of Alabama,
lie bar-kccper in Rochester, n. Y, and sut.
n to a col0red regiment during the war, a
ummer of the first water, insisting upon L.
troops for his particular use, and Senator
atterson, late lobby agent and convenient
'ol of Simon Cameron, pleading for bayou
IS to control the election in South Carolina.
hese are joined by Clayton and Kellogg, ut
'rly destitute of character, insisting upon the
-my being placed under the direction of At
'rneyGeneral Williams, not to keep the
nace, but to stand by and hermit fraudulent
ections.
HE IMPROVED
SINGER.
hn ;r he