Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1874-08-15

which he counseled absolutely refused, but
l never doubted his professed friendship for
me. After the friendship had grown up be-
tween us, and whatever he wished me to do l
did unless 1t seemed to me wrong. My conf
dence in him was the only element that
seemed in that confusion of tormenting per-
plexities. TO him l wrote freely in this
troublous time when felt that secret machi-
nations were going on around me, and echoes
of the vilest ISLANDERS concerning me were
heard in unexpected quarters.
When some of my near relatives were set
against me and that tattle of crowd of ma
licious women, hostile TO me on other grounds
were borne to my ears-when l had lost the
last remnant of faith in Theodore or hope for
him-when l heard with unspeakable re-
morse that everything had done to stay his
destruction, had made matters worse and
worse-that my attempt to keep him from a
public trial involving such a flow of scandal
as has now been let loose, had been used by
him to bring up new troubles-that his I'M
happy wife was under his dictation signing
papers and recantations and l know not what
that in short everything was breaking up
and the destruction from which l had sought
to save the family, was likely to be implied
on other families, the church and community
with infinite horror and woe for me-that my
own innocence was buried under heaps and
heaps Of rubbish and nobody but my pro-
fessed friend, if even he could save his, to
his assurances that he could still do so much
faith as to maintain under these terrible trials,
the silence which he enjoyed
Not until Tilton having accepted, through
Frank Carpenter, the offer to raise money
from many friends, openly assailed me in my
letter to DIR. Bacon, did break that silence,
save by simple denial of the scandalous
rumorS against me a wear before
When. on the appearance of the fret open
attack from Tilton, l Immediately, without
consulting Moulton, called for a thorough in
vestigation with committee of my church.
l am not responsible for the delay, the pub
licity or the details Of that investigation. All
the harm which l have so long dreaded and
have SO earnestly strven to avoid, has come
to pass. | could not further prevent it with
out full surrender of honor and truth.
The time has now arrived when l can free
ly speak in vindication Of myself. l labor
under great disadvantages in making state
ment My memory of the status of the mind
is clear and tenacious, better than my memory
of dates and details.
During four troubled years, in all Of which
| have been singularly burdened with public
labor, having established and conducted the
| Christian Union, delivered courses Of lectures
before the Theological Seminary of Yale Col
lege, written the Life of Christ, delivered ly-
ceum lectures in all the North and West
all these duties, with the care of great
church and its outlying schools and chapels
and the miscellaneous business which falls
upon clergyman more than upon any other
public man.
have never kept details in regard to this
matter and now with the necessity of explain
ing actions and letters resulting from the COM
pick influences apparent at the time, l find
myself in position where l know nv inno-
cence without being able to prove it without
detailed explanations.
| am one upon whom trouble works inward
| ly, making me outwardy silent, but reverber.
atng in the chambers of my soul, and when
at length do speak, it is pent up flood and
pours with measure or moderation. inherit
a tendency to feeling that remains in me of a
| positive hypochondiac as in my father and
| grandfather, and in certain moods of reaction,
the world becomes black and | see very de-
pressingly.
| If were in such moods to speak as l feel, l
should give false colors and exaggerated pro
portions to everything. This manifestation is
| in such contrast to the hopefulness which
| experience in ordinary times that none but
| those intimate with me would suspect one sc
full of Overlooking spirit and eager gladstone
ness to have within him source of gloom
Some of my letters to Mr.. Moulton reflect
this morbid feeling. He understood it and al
times earnestly reproved me for indulging in
| it. With this preliminary review, proceed
with my narrative.
Mr.. Tilton was first known to me as a re-
| porter of my sermons. He was then a youth
just from school and working on the New ork
| Observer. From this paper he passed to the
Independent and became great favorite with
| Mr. Bowen. When, about 1861, Doc. Bacon
Storrs and Thompson resigned their places,
became editor Of the Independent, to which
had been from the start contributor.
| One of the inducements held out to me was
that Mr.. Tilton should be my assistant and re-
| leve me wholly from routine office work. In
this relation became very much attached to
| him. We used to stroll together to print shops
! and dine often together. His mind was open
ing freshly and with enthusiasm upon all
questions; l used to pour out my ideas of
civil affairs, public policy, religion and phi
lanthrophy. OF this he has often spoken with
grateful appreciation and mourned at a later
day over its cessation.
August was my vacation month, but my
family repaired to my farm in June and July,
and remained there during September and
| October, my labors combining me to the city
l took my meals in families of friends, and
from year to year became so familiar with
| their children and houses that / went In and
out daily almost as my own house. Tilton
often alluded to this habit and urged me to do
| the same by his house.
He would often speak in extravagant terms
| of his wife's esteem and affection for me.
After began to visit his house he sought to
make it attractive. He urged me to bring my
| papers down there to use his study to do my
writing in it as it was not pleasant to write a,
the office Of the Independent.
When went to England in 1861 Mr.. Tilton
took temporary charge of the Independent
On my return found the way for him to take
the whole charge of it, my name remaining
for year and then he becoming the response
BILE editor.
Friendly relations continued till 1866, when
the violent assaults made upon me by Tilton
in the Independent on account of my Cleve-
land letter and the temporary discrimination
of the publication of my sermons in that paper
broke off my continuation with it; although
Mr.. Tilton remained personally on good terms
yet there was GOODNESS between us in al
matters of politics.
Our social relations were kindly, and as late
as 1859 at his request, sat to Page some sc
| times for q pOrtrait, 1t was here that firs