The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1874-11-20
john SMITH.

a
Last Tuesday an enariated and care-worn
individual who appeared to DC ia5oling un-
der some great grief. appeared at the Osh-
kosh International Hotel. and ia a tremu-
lous hand, registered himself as John
Smith"
Attracted ly the peculiar name and think
ing he might ~ French Coant We inter
yievcI him.
We wee rot prepared for the horrible
narrative he gave Us.
shaking back in his chair wish an express
sion Of acute suffering lie began
II am John Srnih Millions Of other
human beings are in the same FIX. Some
of the Smith family have been hung, some
are in the prniIenliury, and the la auce are
named John s. rley are unfortunate all
around
i hope Heaven aal Erth VIII forgive
ue--haJ ann John Smith. lat i, am
one nf ,acm--a small wave iii the ocean Of
john Smiths.
''Ispbc~l !erre was a hal man. Jic'I Shc1-
ard Wa anything bat a saint Dick Turpin
broke the Ten COnmaud.acrsS and sic ed
for an eleventh, bat Li-to9y mast add an e..-
tcndating touch t. their characters when
they are c1npasei to t'.e demon who de.ib-
himself John SmtI anI iia..dcd down the
tcriare To future ages.
The doctrine Of total dr?~uvity was once
involved in some doubt Bat when Il crea-
tdre wearing his Maker image, with a con-
science and an Enmorta. SoAi, and capable
Of distinguishing between right and wrong,
came along and called himself John Smith
that settled the question. The doctrine
of total deprayity l. correct. and any man
who now disputes it odg:t to bc put in the
stocks or handcufe1 and ~umnari married
to Mary Walker or Sas.n b. Bur if he is
named Smith, we forgive him; ana il he Is
John Smith he may also cut his mOIheT-ip-
laws throat if he desires to and it is agreea-
be to tl,e o.d lady-and We III "cquit him
of all blame.
If q man commits murder or arson. the
jury shoud (if there are 40 mitigating cir
cums;ance~) find him guilty OF being John
Smith. and they have done their whole duty &,
and let the Jadge pJbiciy band him john
Smith. =" and he goes from The COURTROOM a
miserable man.
''ff, however. the proof shows anything
in extcnuation of the ufen~e. he should
merely be hung. For, unless it is clear
case, the laW doesn't provide for a more Sc
we're punishment than death, and no law
human or divine ought to allow a man to be
called John Smith for petit larceny.
My name has caused me more trouble
than Don Quixote's chiyary ever did him.
| viii detail few instances. The balance |
leave to your Imagination;
~ friend sent me some cash by express
went for it, and the clerk biandly informed
me that Mr.. Smith had already got the
money. | cursed him, and threatened to
tear him asunder, but he only laughed.
Thus | was a victim to my own name.
'"The little duck Of an angel, who | in
tended to marry, and who owned a splendid
hillside farm, wrote me letters brimful of
love and poetry, but another j rhn Smith re-
ceiyed them, answered them. and married
her. and even had the impudence t. ask me
10 congratulate him. | did so-with my
boot.
And 50 I anna bachelor.
''But it is cousoling to know that no
children will inherit my curse.
"Another man publicly chastised me for
insulting his wife, although | drdn't know
he mad a wife She had told him John
Smith insulted her, and aS | was the first
John he came to, he commenced TO thrash
me.
Il went on business to a distant town
Willie was registering my name at the
bofel policeman arrested me. | demanded
his authority and he handed me q telegram;
arrest John Smith on charge OF murder
I told him | had never killed anything IN
nv life except snakes and feas, and that
,ras n colnorteur and "a member of the Meth
odist church, but | might as well have told
him | was the ghost of Wilkes Booth. The
old flint marched me off into ten-acre fed
among lot of other fellows There were
fortv-6ye John Smiths all under arrest by
virtue of the same dispatch. thought II
xve were all guilty the Smith family must
be very bad and going to the devil in hur-
~ But all day they kept marching John
Smith in. and strange TO say, all looked moi
o,,Iy guiltv of murder but capable OF any
49, u,re A more viianious looking
,,r,rrd never went TO tle galI2ms.