American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1874-05-02
CURRENT ITEMS.

cloth at two a. m. rarely fails of suggest
ing new figures of speech.
WHAT a relief, Jones thinks, it must be
; to ladies of an uncertain age TO know thai
they may at least be cre-mated.
"THE contents believed the Streets ;
signs the Manchester Mirror and Inner
lean. 1t was broken molasses hogs
head.
To CLEAN a Drowned porcelain kettle
boil peeled potatoes in it. The porcelain
will be rendered nearly as white as when
new.
SOME one has stolen the silver brick
which Nevada was going to present to
the English Capt. Lorraine.-DetroU Fire,
Press.
IT is good ground for divorce in St
! Louis if wife finds 113 love letters from
a red-headed woman in her husbands
pocket.
THERE is large willow tree at Box
ford, Mass, hundred years old, which
has grown from a cane casually stuck in
the ground.
A RICHMOND paper thinks that the NOV
ing of the mountains in North Carolina
must be owing to the increase of faith in
that region.
BoBBs complains that his wife is an in
f1ationist. She blows him up every day
and makes him circulate until he actually
feels that he is beyond redemption.
II Kentucky man will shoot his best
friend in dispute about fifty cent una
brella, what would he do in case some
one drove his best COW to the pound?
A oYEAR-oLD heifer in Johnston, r
l., recently climbed on low shed and
| from thence to a barn, and walked the
ridge pole-and came down again safely.
A MAINE debating society is now wrest-
ling with the questio :" Is a Sabbath
school Superintendent justified in wear.
ing red neck tie ?"-BOst0n Transcript.
A MAN in Boston, in his hurry TO assist
a fainting lady, got bottle of mucilage
! instead of camphor, and bathed her face
with it. She was good deal stuck up
with his attention.
/ A NEW YORK paper says that Vir-
/ ginia mule is two pegs above New York
Coroner in point of intelligence and sa-
gacity, though it doesn't want to hurt any
Coroner's feelings.
| DIR. Do LEWIS asserts that smokers
are morose. This is because, during one
of his dull lectures a few weeks ago to a
small audience of tobacco publishers,
more rose and left than stayed.-Nemlhis
! -Aonldnche
SOME melancholy man with turn for
arithmetic has calculated that the people
who died in Philadelphia last year
would have made a procession one mile
long, marching ten abreast. What loss
to the centennial!
THE body of woman lately deceased
in New York is to be exhumed for the
purpose of testing the question as to
whether she was poisoned. Supposine,
now, she had been burned instead of bur-
led, Messrs. Cremationists?
A MAN named Button died recently in
Southern RarE Shira Macs and Whan rho
sexton started out with pick and shovel
somebody asked him what he was going
to do. "Going to make a Buttonhole,"
was the not very grave reply.
QUIZ looked mournfully at his indigo
colored dish of potatoes the other morn
ing, and admitted that times were bad
and the potato-bug flourishing, but that
he didn't think it was manly to look so
blue about it.-Cancinnati Times.
A Boston paper wonders why a men,
Der of Congress who recently spoke with
so much feeling of the "hay-seed in his
hair'' and "oats in his throat" forgot to
complete the diagnosis of the case by al
luding to the rye in his stomach.
WHEN Sheriff down in Vermont, in
opening the County Court, the other day,
cried: "All persons having causes or
matters pending therein draw near, and
they shall be heard, and God save the
peOple!' he was satirist and didn't
know it.
THE Cincinnati Enquirer offers to bet
five hundred dollars that no fashionable
lady ever goes to bed without first look
ing in her glass, and rival is willing to
risk the same sum that no Cincinnati ed
itor ever goes to bed without drinking
out of his.
A RUTLAND (Vt) farmer who had a colt
for sale the other day let couple OF
young men drive off little distanc to
try him, they leaving 800 and a
Z" gold" watch for security, but they have
not returned while the watch turns out to
be oroide and the money queer"
A LADY IN Lake City, Fla, has grow
ing in her garden genuine cork tree
thirty feet high, the bark on which is suf-
ficiently thick to make bottle corks.
There is also in the same garden gen
uine black pepper bush, which yields
regularly full crop of the berries.
AN interesting new member of the Bos-
ton Young Mems Christian Association is
IA Newfoundland dog, who got one of his
fore-paws crushed the other day, and hob
bled past several other buildings to that
of the association, walked up stairs to the
library and held out his MANNED paw in a
pitiful way. He was adopted, and given
surgical treatment gratis.
The Boston Herald tells a story of " a
Montana man" who, while dining in
Philadelphia, drank the water from a
finger bowl, installing it for lemonade,
and the Nelo Northeast says, incidentally,
that 1.-THE story has been going the rounds
of the press for several weeks" We don't
know how long it J as been going the
rounds of the press we know simply that
it started about two weeks after finger
bowls were invented. -CoufierJ ourI'0t-
A playful. HoRsE-About three weeks
ago, as the engineer of the morning pas
senger train going west on the Detroit y
Milwaukee Road had reached n point
three miles beyond the junction, he saw a
horse on the track ahead. He tooted'
at the ANIMAL but the horse waited until
the locomotive was at his heels and then
turned and ran. The bell rang and the
whistle screamed, but the horse kept the
track for "a full mile and then leaped oil
and let the iron monster rush past HIM.
He was there next morning to repeat the
same operation, and continued il with the
greatest regularity until Wednesday morn
ing. He then extended the race further
than usual, being in unusually good
spirits Coming To a cattle-guard he hest
tated an instant before making the Jump,
and the COW catcher caught him. lie was
in the air making the leap when he was
struck, and thrown as high as the smoke
stack but came down in II pond of water.
and was seen to jump up and gallop of
as if unhurt-Detrot Free Press.
/ A SOPHOMORE who is studying to tit
1 himself to become a missionary, and who
! is very exemplary youth, expected II
! sister from home to visit him the other
/ day. Some of his mischievous classmates