davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29
A Comedy OF Errors.

A foreigner is seated in his room por-
ing over French and English diction-
airy. He is swamped in the intricacies
of our language. He has rumpled his
hair so much that it stands on end with
perplexity. At last he gets an exercise
book and asks for advice from his land
lady, in broken English. The landlady,
in her vain attempts to make him under
stand, raises her voice to high key,
and then suddenly lowers it as the
thought occurs to her that he is not
deaf. Why do we raise our voices in
such cases? After several months
practice our friend translates into En-
glish the following sentences
"My dog is cold. My hat is wet.
The dogs legs are weary. Beer is good.
The Judge is happy"
For more advanced lessons /:
THE little boy is full of cake. The
long tailed coat was made by a
tailor. Gle is puzzled here. He does
not see how "tailed" can be the past
tense of "tailor.') Is the haymaker
we'll? Have you seen my aunt's UNI
brella? Let us walk by the mill and
look at the damned water" puzzled
again -.a.
Our friend Numbered at the break
fast table next morning. He turned to
young lady next to him, and casually
remarked, as if he were referring to the
weather, "Have you seen my aunt's
.umbrella?" eai j., aaa .as
The young lady looked surprised, and
said she had not. He followed this OBJ
servation with the remark, "The Judge
is happy" z Everybody laughed and
looked at little fat man who was serv-
ing soup. 1t was Judge Dox.
Our foreigner was now SO elated with
satisfaction at his mastery of the En-
glish language that he said: "Let us
walk by the mill and look at the damned
water" Again everybody laughed, and
the little fat Judge snorted so much
soup into the upper part of his head
that he had fit of coughing ten min
utes long, and between his spasms of
laughter he murmured something about
a pun. Our friend, who was now the
center of attraction, repeated all his ex-
ercises, much to the delight and good
humor of everybody.--Nea0 York Com
maerc5aI Advertiser.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

all about the gun, and was full of fun
and merriment. The heart of the other
child was sad but there was joy in it,
too, for she said to herself, "I have
saved little sister from a great grief !;
she must know about Pussy soon,
mother will tell her; but she will not
feel the pain that | felt when I saw her
de-"
Little children, this is true story.
Let us try to be like that little girl,
and save each other from pain. It will
help us to bear trouble, and will tighten
our own sorrow. And God will bless
us if we try, for in the Bible it is said !:
"Bear We one another's burdens, and
so fulfill the law of Christ. - Children s
Prize.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

CARDS IN HOME LANGUAGE.-A gen.
tleman of our acquaintance found the
other night, much to his surprise, that
his wife knew something about draw
poker. The way of it was this i: The
couple have two fine boy babies. See-
ing them asleep in the same bed the
admiring father wondered if anybody
had better pair than that. The wife
thought not The husband then said,
speaking in parallels as he thought, If
we could draw three queens we would
have full that would be hard to
beat" And the lady promptly replied,
" Excuse me, if you please; we'll stand
na. on tha nair we have - Pndotonh
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29
COnfucius and the Chinese Classics.
TRANSLATED BY KI-Po TAI.


Chinese Cosnaogony-In the begin
ming of the world, the world was Ktse
Kiang, who died. His blood became
rivers, his bones granite, his hair trees,
etc., and, finally, the insects which in
tested his body became people.
Co9fucius-H5s Habits-In walking,
the master usually put one foot before
the other; when he rested, it was gen
orally on both legs.
Ii, in walking, he came upon stone,
he would kick it out of bis way if it
were too heavy, he would step over or
around it.
Happening once to kick large stone,
he changed countenance.
The Superior Person wore his clothes
in the ordinary manner, never putting
his shoes upon his head nor his cap
upon his feet.
He always kept the skirts of his robe
before and behind evenly adjusted. He
permitted not the unseemly exposure of
his under garment of linen at any time.
When he met his visitors, he rushed
toward them with his arms open like
wings.
HIS Poetay-The following was writ
ten In his sixty-ffth year, on leaving
Loo:
sob, fain would still look towards Loo:
But this Kwei hill cuts off my view
With an ak / will hew
This thicket all through
That obscures the clear prospect of Loo"
In later years the following was COM
posed by his disciple Shun:
"There once was sage called Confu-
Gus, whose remarks were not few:
He said, Il will hew
This blasted hill through
While his friends remarked quietly, Do"
HIS Ethics-The Master said, Gone
virtue goes a great way. In a jar of
chow-chow, properly favored with GIN
ger, even a dead mouse is palatable."
On Wau asking him if it were proper
to put dead mice in chow chow, he re-
piled, cit is the CUSTOM"
When he heard that Chang had be-
headed an entire province, he remarked,
"This is carrying things to an excess.
On being asked his opinion of impale-
ment, he replied that " the end did not
justify the means"
Hop Kee asked him how to tell the
superior man. The Master replied,
Chow, indeed!'
The Duke Shang asked him one day,
" What constitutes the state 2" Confu-
cius replied, "Phe question is asin-
inc"
HIS Jokes-One day, being handed a
two-foot rule, Confucius opened it the
wrong way, whereupon it broke. The
Master said, quietly, that cit was
poor rule that wouldn't work both
ways"
Observing that Wau Sing was much
addicted to opium, the Master said,
"Filial regard is always beautiful
:" Why? ?" asked his disciples. "He
loves his poppy" replied the Master.
changing countenance.
els that Nankeen ?" asked the great
Mencius, as he carelessly examined the
robe that EMBODIED the bosom of the fair
Yau Sing. "No,' replied the Master,
calmly, " that's Pekin. Bret Harte IN
Ndst's almanac for 1876.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29
he geuosha telegraph.
KENOsHA, WISCONSIN.
THE LITTLE FOLKS.
The Story of the Maple-Tre,

The Story of the Maple-Tree.
Just where the children troop along
At nern and noon together,
The mapie-tree grew green and strong
Through all the summer weather.
The little tree, SO slim, so green
Among the hirches round it;
1t only helped to make screen.
And no one e'er had found it.
Snow summer days begin to fade,"
Then said the maple, signing:
And no one sees me in this shade!
i What is the use of trying?
And while one night she fretted thus,
The air grew cold and colder,
And there came painter down the road,
His colors on his shoulder
Jack Frost adown the winding way
Came whistling, leaping, singing;
And as he ran about in play,
His paints behind went swinging.
Then how the spatters few about,
And streaks both red and yellow,
Till all the leaves that leaned far out
Glowed like the apples mellow.
The maple watched the colors grow,
Then cried, "Oh, stop oh, listen!
Before my leaves fall, paint me now
Until in red glisten."
Jack Frost stands still. So small the tree,
Hid safe among the birches,
He stops uncertain !; then he climbs,
Ana rock and bank he searches.
Oh, paint me, please !" the maple cried,
Bright red and red all over,
Till each one that may walk or ride
My beauty shall discover"
No sooner said than done it is
The swift brush plies he singing,
Then swings away, upon his back
His brushes lightly singing.
Adown the road the painter goes;
In silent joy she watches,
Till the far-off hills betray his path
In red and purple blotches.
How splendid shines the maple-trce,
With green around and under;
The golden rods in all the place
Bow down in reverent wonder.
And how she scorns the lady birch
That stands so close beside her:
Her head she losses, waves her arms,
And shakes her leaves out wider.
D, silly little maply-treei
Have done with all your prinhing:
Along the road tae children see,
OF fun and pleasure thinking.
"OA, look halo come see the show
tree jus like feather
Let's stick it in our hats, you know,
And march down oil togetherw
They swarm the raspberry bushes through;
They tread the thistles under
They gather round the trembling tree,
Intent on scarlet plumber.
o, dainty little tree! She stands
Like beleaguered city;
They bend and break with feet and hands
The jubilant banditti
Then off they march in scarlet line,
And blaze through all the meadow:
But the birches droop their glistening leave
And screen her with their shadow.
ma c. BTGckett, IN st. Nicholas for November.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

In one of his recent clinical lectures
at Guys Hospital London, DR.. Haber-
shon referred to the case of an old man
who died simply from the shock pro-
duced by going out INTO the cold and
fog, which, though only an inconveni-
ence to people generally, was sufficient
TO lead to o fatal result in one whose
circulation had become enfeebled, and
whose vital force had so early lost its
power. DIR. Habershon also alluded to
an instance of longevity of which he had
been informed by a gentleman the case
being the latter's mother, who had died
at the age of 102, and who, during the
winter months, used to refuse to get
up, saying that she was warm only in
bed. To this uniform warm tempera-
ture the fact of her great age was
doubtless owing, and DR.. Habershon
urges that, in prescribing for old peo-
pie, they should be advised to keep
warm and, as they cannot eat large
meals, they should take them more FREE
quently. There are many of them,
also, who wake up at about or 4
o'clock in tho morning, and it is a good
plan for them to have some nourish-
ment then !; otherwise the interval be-
tween the night and morning meals is
too long fol, their declining strength.
The life of the aged may be considera-
bly, prolonged by care in these mi
nuti@. o
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29
The White Flag.

@ Inc White Flag.
A few weeks ago, dear children. T
read paper in the Christian about rail
way flags, which made me think Of
something which happened many wears
ago.
When was very little girl 7 was
travelling one day to Manchester with NV
mamma. We had to go long railway
journey in order to reach the place to
which we were going, but all was new TO
me, and l liked to watch the people
getting in and out Of the carriages.
Mamma gave little books to all orr
tellow-passengers, and I was very much
interested, in watching the different
ways IN which the little books were
received. y = :
1 At last at one station Ct think If was
Grewel an old man got into the carriage.
lie mad nice face, and looked both
happy and sad, and I wondered what
made h1m have that look on his face.
When mamma gave him little booI,
and spoke to him of Jesus, the sad looR
quite went away from his face. and ha
smiled $ and said, "Ah, yes / I too love
the Lord Jesus"
L think mamma had noticed the sad
look on his face, for she said something
to him about the Comforter. !" and
about God being "the God of all corn
fort and consolation. II +
Then | saw the old man bend forward
and tell her that only the week before
his wife died ; B" fallen asleep in Jesus !"
l think he said.
81 should like to tell you something
about her, if you will let me-" the old
man said !; and mamma told him she
her. ''D0't0
4" | am station-master, at small
station on the line" he said and nv
vile used often to sit in the little win
dow OF our parlor, and watch me waving
the different colored flags as the trains
came in. We both loved the Lord
Jesus, and used often to speak TO-
gether OF him we loved SO dearly, and of
his great salvation. She was an in
valid, and at last began to droop rap
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

AN English company has just been
organized to import cattle from the
United States on an extensive scale.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

STICKS DIFFER. "A yardstick is very
useful In store a stick on the stage is
of no good use whatever; a stick in a
tumbler is sometimes in danger of
making the sidewalk uneven to pedes-.
trians; stick of husband or wife is apt
to be much longer than is desired and
e+;o1fY,1 of 10 lilo IL
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29
RI2ning Time-A Record of the High
FLYERS.

Several alterations in the record OF
the best running time having been
made at the various meetings this sum-
mer, the following table is made with
the proper corrections to date:
mile, Olitipa, by bennington, years, 81
lbs, time 0:4783, Saratoga, 1874.
mile, Madge, by Australian, years, 81
lbs, time 1:15a, Saratoga 1874,
mile, Alarm. by Eclipse, years. 80 lbs,
time 1:42&& Saratoga, 1872 Il.
mile, Springbok (second heat) by Aus
tralian, years, 1913 lbs, time 1:42fa, Utica,
1874.
l mile, Gray Planet, by Planet, s years. 10
lbs, time 1:42aa, Saratoga, 1874
mile, Neil Flaherty (second heat), by
Rifleman, aged, 112 lbs, time 1:41, Califor-
MIA, 1874.
[Longfellow was said to have run the first
1:40, and Tom Bowling was timed mile at
the Lexington spring races i'll 1:41&-not
official. 49,
j miles, Fadladeen by War Dance, aged,
III lbs, time 156, Saratoga 1874
II miles, Piccolo, by Concord, 3 years, SO
lbs, time 1:56, Saratoga, 1874.
Il miles Fannie Ludlow, by Eclipse, years,
1o5 lbs, time 1861, Saratoga, 1869.
Il miles, Frogtown, by Bonnie Scotland, A
JOct"' AOt MSS SlA1o A'u02, AoAiuBtOHi lolA.
Il miles, Tom Bowling, by Lexington, 4
years, 1e4 lbs, time 2343, Lexington, 1874
z Il miles, Frogtown, by Bonnie Scotland, A
years, 1O4 lbs, time 3:O7k, Lexington, 1872.
Il miles, Reform, by bennington 3 years,
SO lbs, time 3:05a, Saratoga, 1874.
[Tom Bowling was timed at the Lexington
spring races Il miles in 3:004-not official. !
2 miles, True Blue, by Lexington, years,
1O8 lbs, time 1922, Saratoga, 1873.
o mil a. hu A
lbs, time. 1921, Buffalo, 1874,
from Bowling was timed at the Licking
ton spring races, 2 miles in 3:27a--not Off
cial.
p miles, Harry Bassett, by Lexington, 4
years. 1o8 lbs, time 1853, Saratoga, 1872.
q miles, Katie Pease by Planet, years,
1O5- tbs., time 4:28a5, Buffalo, 1874. 7'7'
q miles, Hubbard, by Planet, 4 years, los
lbs, time 4:28a, Saratoga,II873.
8 miles, Norfolk, by Lexington, A years, 1OC
lbs. time 5:27a, 5:29a, heats, California, 1866
miles, Fellowcraft, by Australian, years,
1O8 lbs, time 7:193, Saratoga, 1874.
miles, Lexington, by Boston, 5 years, 1Os
lbs, time 7:19a, New Orleans 1866.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-10-29

A GREAT FLOWER BED.-The great
central plain of California, for six
months of the year, is a scorched and
dust-swept desert. In April it becomes
one fower-bed nearly 400 miles long
and thirty wide, set under a range Of
snow mountains. A traveller writes Of
it: $50 where l would, east, west,
north, south, / was still surrounded by
flowers, which closed over my feet at
every step. as if L were wadino in
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
9 b 99ailg Arens.
independent III Eoerythiag. &
- From the Joliet CIll,) Signal
The Car Company SwindIe,


For series Of years piltering on gi-
gantic scale has been going on at the pehi
Tertiary. 1t was carried on to such an eX-
tent that S3U0,OoO was required annually
from the state treasury to pay the deticien-
cy, when the institution should have been
selt-sustaiuing. This stealing became so
apparent and outrageous that Gov Palm
err overhauled the whole concern and plac-
ed its management in different hands.
For two years after this the penitentiary
was self sustaining, and everything was
satisfactory. But when Gov. Beyeridge
was inaugurated new programme was
adopted, and new men placed at the head
of the institution, since which time affairs
have not gone On smoothly. 1t is whis
pered that the discipline is not all that it
should he, and Investigate n after investi
ga,i N has been ordered by the legislat-
ure, but the managers being al good re
pubhcans, the legislature has failed t. take
action for fear it might hurt the party.
The recent Failure OF the Illinois Gar
COMPANY has shed new light the sIb-
ieet. 1t appears that the company made
a contract with the cnmmissi ,ners for the
labor Of d large number OF convicts to be
employed in building cars. They put in
about $4,000 and commenced erecting
buildings for the purpose mentioned, but
connected them with the penitentiary
building, so that they could not be seized
for the debts Of the company. Abou
$40, 900 dollars was expended in this man
per. when the final crisis coming on, thu
company proved bankrupt, and the stat
will have to foot the bills 1t is shargeC
that some of the commissioners wer
themselves stockholders in the company
IF this is true, it shows that stealing
still the order of the day on the part c
the penitentiary officials
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
CONSU MPTION
And Its Cure.
WILSON'S
CARBOLATED GOD LIVER OIL

Is not secret empirical nostrum. 1t Is happy
combination of two remedies known 10 physicians
everywhere as the best means of combating con-
sumption. This combination is Mr.. Wilson's dis
coyery and is founded upOn the following
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02

FORTNTERNAL AND EXTERNAL USE
We challenge the world to produce
remedy which will produce by actual test
a more speedy, certain and cffectual cure
for all Pains, of whatever form, external
or internal acute or chronic, deep seated
or otherwise, than
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
Es6SEA CIR AT
Remedy.
Remedy.

s5g- The attention of those afflicted with colds
coughs and with any disease IF the lungs is d.
rected to this valuable remedy. TIE season Of the
wear has already come when. on account Of the sud
den changes IN the weather, colds and coughs are
easily taken. and if neglected may lead 10 disease
of the lungs What is needed under such circum
stances is reliable remedy-speedy in afordlng
relief and eectua in arresting further progress OF
disease.
sFy-To arrest the existing irritation OF the ar
messages and the lungs, speedily and ehectually.
The seat and cause of cough. Is an important slep
gained toward relief and in the first stages oil
the disease MAsTAs PULMoNIC BALsAM possesses
| this important power, and while II promptly anu
eectually arrests all existing irrita ion and rapidly
relieves cough it renders the lungs further relti
| nv promoting free discharge OF the accumulated
muCue in the air passages, lmpartlDg neaItny aC-
| ton and vgur at the same time.
| Those suffering with cough and the nrst st't-
| pes Of lung disease will therefore find in ms
| valuable preparation speedy ana declueu relleL'
Even those whose condition is beyond recovery
| will derive from i use great Eeneht as well as
comfort For the class OF diseases IL Is ueslgheu ~
| relieve the general commentator 1t has received
has proved its great efficacy beyond question. FoE
The mast twenty wears thousands have been speedly
and efectually cured by its timely use while SUI,
fering from severe colds, protracted coughs, anu
from other forms of lung disease. IL Is prepared
from vegetable balsams and the medicinal proper
ties of roots and herbs, with minerals or poison
GUS acids. Simple and safe in the materials ueeo
il can be taken at any time. AZ,
ETSold by ali Druggists and Dealers In Mecl
| cines throug hout the country 24d@"u
For sale in Rock Island by c. Speldeit,J
D 3rnenert Smith & nney, Emil kGhler
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
WILSON'S
CARBoLATED COD LIVER OIL,

As described fully in the inventors circular which
will be mailed. upon application, to any address
We cannot afford space TO tell the whole story
here, to give the numerous certificates from en-
inent physicians and well known citizens testying
to the absolutely wonderful results flowing from
this great discovery. Suffice ii to say it is curing
thousands WHO supposed themselves to be at deaths
door
Wilson's CarbolatedOil is scientifically prepared
with the purest Carbolic Acid combined as to be
entirely harmless with
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
SEVEN SEALS OR GOLDEN WONDER.

II will effect a speedy cure in all cases
of Headache, Neuralgia, Toothache,
Sprains, Cholera Morbus, Diarrhea. &C.,
and especially Rheumatism. 1t cures
Pain almost Instantly. and this is the
grand secret of its success, for in hun
dreds of cases where this preparation has
been used it has saved life, after science
aud skill have been completely bafiled,
all hope abandoned, and the patients life
despaired Of. Try bottle. If il does not
cure you we will return you your money.
Our motto:
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
SPECIAL NOTICES.


Dr. Sharp's Specific cutes Dyspepsia, Liver Com
plaint Constipation. Vomiting of Food. Sour stom-
ach. Water Brush, Heartburn. Low Spirits, &c In
thirty five years never failing TO The most OBJ
stinate cases. Sold by druggists generally. Depot
145 Eigh h street, New York. Circnlare mailed on
application. Sold by EL-il Dohler- III 3dAw6m
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
|yIIIRS[1asgil gE2NlS]

WARRANT ONE BOTTLE PERFECT CURE IN
TIE WORST FORMS of Piles. Two TO I'VE bottles in
LEPRosY. soRoFULA. RHEUMkTIsA. SALT RHEUM,
CANCER, CATARRH. KIDEEY DISEASES, and all dis
eas-s of the skin, and the greatest Blood Purifier
ever discovered. Entirely vegetable. request all
to send me and take back their money i'll all
cases of failure. None for Il years II d FOWLE,
Chemist. Boston, and Montreal Sold throughout
ishing cures.
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02


from the celebrated fisheries Aalesund IN orway),
pronounced by physicians the most delicate, efil-
cient Cod Liver Oil in the world.
1t is easily taken, tolerated by the weakest stom
auhs digests readily, becomes rancid, and Il
almost entirely free from the usual disagreeable
characteristics of Cod Liver Oil.
For every use of Cod Liver Oil Mr. Wilson's dis
covery is of the greatest value.
Fer the safe ;-..Grr&i administration of Carbolit
Acid Mr.. Wilson'S method Of combining it with Cod
Liver Oil is absolutely
The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-03-02
cArARaH, INF1uENzAsAND HAY FEvE

cArARaH, INF1UENzA-AND HAY FEVER
or Summer Colds which often end in serious LING
trouble cured by the inhalation of DR.. Kennedy's
Prairie Weed.
/ am perfectly amazed at the remarkable cures of
severe bleeding and consumption of the lungs
which this new remedy performs for me every
week. Send for a circular
BATH, Me-. Feb. II. 1878.
Mr. KENNEDY Dear Sir:-I sit down to pen you
few lines this evening, to inform You that the
much good; truly have not words to express my
gratitude to you for it, My health has not been so
good for the last twenty years 1t has been since
commenced taking the Prairie Weed in November
last. / thank you thousands OF times Tor IT. NOT
one night since last December have been oDnged
to sit up one hour with phthisic since have been
taking your medicine. My health is so improved
work SO l more than pay my board, and that IL
what have not been able to do for long time.
Your humble servant.
NJ MARIA LEACH
B0sToN HIGHLANDS, Oct. l. 1872
| Dr. KENNEDY. Dear Sir:-I hereby certify that
| was afflicted for five years with severe cough
| and raising blood after any violent exertion.
| commenced taking your Prairie weed about Two
wears ago and have not raised any blood for eight
| cen months past. and believe that | owe to YOU
| medicine the health which | vainly sought from
MANY physicians and medicines. would be glaC
| to have YOU refer any one to me who wishes Il
| JAMES T. BICKNELL
| Letter-Carrier, Boston Highlands, Mass
Sold by all Druggists at 800 ye- bottle. Manu-
featured by DIR KENNEDY. 1870 Warren stree,
Roxhurv. Mass 9-'UIV