Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-08-05
General Items.

General Items.
SWEETS for the ill-tempered-T
sayings.
A STAR engagement Meet me by
moonlight, alone" Us ug5s. .s-.sf
BREAD is the staff of life-the want
of it the starve
To ascertain the price of board
Read lumber market reports.
AND yet New York city consumed
only 1000, 900 gallons Of beer last year.
"VIA1 saloons" are reported in Indi-
ana. Vile saloons also flourish further
east.
SUCH Jokes are too cucumberous for
health this weather. Let us have peas.
-NeaD York Herald.
WHY should the bean keep ahead of
all other vegetables? Because it has
the pole. Courier. .
The .Digitorium is a small dumb
piano for strengthening and render
ing Independent the fingers of the
young piano player.
KEoKUK has been tossing pennies to
hand organ man who owns $15, 900
farm in Wisconsin, and feels bad about
it,
Mrs. CLoGGENs thinks her boarders
like good cal to eat this hot weather.
And so she feeds them on cells.
A PARIS correspondent describes an
opera bouffe actress as having plump
titudinous physique.
CALIFORNIA has " Baptist churches,
Oregon So, Washington Territory 5,
and Nevada l, making total of 1876 on
the Pacific coast.
WHY are ladies the biggest thieves
in existence? Because they steel their
petticoats, bone their stays, crib their
babies, and hook Their dresses
The trees all along the Thames en-
bankment are beginning to grow hand
somely. Five years from nowthe road
way will be one of the finest in all
Europe.
PATTI says that if the royalty give
her any more diamonds she don't know
what to do with them. There are
many who would be glad to pawn them
for her.
More lines have been drawn from
the North star horizonwards, since the
comet came, than would suffice to make
map as full of parallels as a spiders
web in the morning.
A BOY in a Connecticut Sunday school
was asked who made the beautiful hills
about them, and replied that he didn't
know, as MS parents had moved into
town only the day before.
DR.. -, entering military hos
pital surgery, met Paddy Doyle, the
orderly, and asked which he considered
the most dangerous of the many cases
then in hospital. "That, SIR said
Paddy, as with an indicative jerk of
his thumb, he pointed to where, on
the table, lay q case of surgical instru-
ments.
The opening of the new Admiralty
Gardens at ST. Petersburg has created
a peculiar jealousy in Germany. The
Wesser Zeitung calls it the ninth or
tenth wonder of the WORLD, "a breathing
the Great.
A HosT1ER upon going to confession
was asked by the priest If he ever
creased the horses teeth that they
might not eat so many oats. He re-
piled emo" Next time he came he
confessed he had. On the priest ex-
pressing establishment, he said: CT
did not know it could be done, holy
father, until you told me-
AS the sun in all it's splendor was
peeping over the Eastern hills, newly
married man exclaimed "The glory
of the world is rising" His wife who
happened to be getting up at that
moment, taking the compliment to her
self. simpered: "What would you
think, my dear, if | had my new silk
gown on ?"
WONDER if the average reporter
could speak of wet weather without
saying Jupiter Pluvius: of ball with
out ringing in old Terpsichore OF
performance without remarklng that
''where all were good it would be
invidious," &c. No, we fear not.
Such things viii not happen this
side of the millenium.-NeaO Orleans
Picayauae.
A CERTAIN "Uncle James" Of our
acquaintance, whose execution is nos
quite equal to his preference for the
violin, was paid delicate left handed
compliment the other night by his little
neice, who, on being awakened some
time in the small hours of the n1ght py
the hideous performance OF two teilnes
under the window, snaively remarked,
4" Mamma, I don't like to hear Oncle
James play on the violin. 1fooa0e''ce