The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-01-30
HUMOROUS.
"A little nonsense now and thea
Is relished by the Wisest nen."

"My dear" said husband to his
wife. 81 am going to start coffee
plantation" How'll you get the
| land n @Oh, there's no trouble
about that 1 always have plenty Of
grounds in my cup"
| Somebody in a Georgia court
"spplauded," whereupon the judge
| 1--WE quote from the Griffin Nelos)
| Indignantly remarked "Now dry
up, / will let you know this is no
camp meeting"
| An old lady called at a drug store
in this city, the other day, and
breathlessly remarked "There, I
have serenaded all the way down
here to get receipt prescribed, and
/ dismembeT the combustibles."
An octogensrian English woman,
claims to be the first and only orig
inal wife Of Brigham Young, who,
she says, deserted her and her child
ren forty odd yeas ago.
A young husband boasted to a
| friend "Tom, the old woman came
near calling me honey last night"
"Did she-Bhat did she say p
"Why, she called out Come, now,
old bees-Wax, why don't you come
to your supper 2"
A good brother in a church of
Miami county, Indians, while giving
HE experience, not long ago, said
'Bretherin, I've been a tryin to
serve the Lord, and get rich both at
onct, an tell yer it's mighty hard
sleddin.
John Henderson, suing for a di-
vorce in Indiana, alleges that his
wife trapped him by means of false
hair, false eyebrows, false complex.
ion, big hustle, and a deeeitful
tongue. If divorces are to be grant
ed for such trihing things as these,
what poor woman can afford to put
on the style necessary to entrap a
husband.
MarshalltoWD, Iowa, women have
protested against the statement of
the Times man, that they consider
themselves well dressed with naught
but an Elizabethan ruff. He is a
fraud, the ladies there wear all the
clothes their husbands are able to
furnish, and more, too, in some in
stances, and that's what's the matter
with the Times man.
A pensive young man sang most
pathetically at an amateur concert,
"Where are the friends of my child
hood p Before he retired from the
aide of the accompanies at the pi-
ano, he heard q "friend" saying
quite curiously to lady sitting by
his side: 'The friends of his child
hood are probably in lunatic asy-
lum if they listened much to such
singer.
A Scotch minister recently dis
coursing of certain class of people
who were obnoxious to him, con
eluded with this singular prerora-
ton "My frsens, it is as impossi-
bic for sinner to enter the kingdom
of Heaven as for a COO to climb up
tree with her tail foremost, an car
ry craw's nest doom or, for 500
to sit upan g thistle and whistle like
laverock."
A marriage of a rather singular
description took place in Greenbier,
short time since. A young man,
about eighteen years of age, by the
name of Zopb, married his grand
mother, lady of nearly sixty. By
this he becames his fathers pa, and
his own grandfather, and thereby
occupies a supremely independent
and enyiable position.
Said an Irishman to a telegraph
operator ''Do you charge anything
for the address of a message p
@No," replied the operator.
San do yes charge for signing
his name, sir" said the customer,
"No, sir"
"Well, then, viii you please send
this just want my brother to
know m here" handing the follow
ing: "To John M'Finn-at New
York-(Signed) Parick MFinn."
1t Was sent as tribute to Patrick's
shrewdness.
An amusing incident occurred in
Troy, on Saturday night. A man
considerably intoxicated was pro
ceeding along the street with tur-
key in his hand, and unfortunately he
fell down too often altogether to
make it agreeable. His fowl was Of
course covered with mud, and finally
he entered a store on the west side
of the street below Ferry, and &C
costing q clerk, said 81 want to
sell this turkey" The clerk MOTTO
ing his condition, asked the reason
for disposing of 1t. "Well," said the
intoxicated individual, "I've got
thirteen more and don't want this"
The clerk failed to see the others,
and asked where they were. "Well,
sir" he replied, 81 fell fourteen
times since leaving Congress street,
an be jabers every time 1 fell 1
picked up turkey" The earnest
ness with which it was said caused
much merriment.
A lady was asked by her Biddy
about the nature of the next world,
and whether it would be just like
this. The lady being blessed with
q happy family of eleven children,
has a skeleton in the house-a
stocking basket-that never gets
empty, and at whose side she has
spent many weary midnight hour |
in darning for her darlings. With |
this spectre before her eyes, she re-
piled to the girl playfully, saying |
81 don't think we shall be required |
to darn stockings after midnight"
''Sure an that's true for you,
Inum.D was Riddv's renlv. W for oil |