, 1874-01-18


troI free Press.
"A young man out in search OF his fathers
lost pig, near Scranton, Pa, sccostea an irish
man along the road with q Have you seen =
stray pig about here ?" Faith" said Pat
:. and how could I tell STRAY pig from an.
other 2"
4 boy WINS passing through the cars on the
Erie Railroad the other morning with an illus
trated copy Of q Nothing to Wear" 4 lady re-
marked, q suppose that takes of the ladies' ?
d1esseB." Then" 1ejoined the lady, sit il
quito proper that \ stripping should sell it,"
Tho Glasgow (Ky.) Times is responsible fo1
the following; san old darkey was riding
blind horse, the other day, with his wife behind
him; fellow on the roadside sung out, fHallo
old fellow, see you have got your sunty up.
sYes, I've done morn dat-Tve stradded the
blind said the old sportsman, with 4 clever
grin"
Bad to Worso-Blind Man-"Ah! III
Evins 'ain't heerd you pass this sum time-I
fear'd you Was laid up with your roomeytiz.' ,
A1r. Evins-" Worse nor that, John-wor:e nor
that The vile went an faund ms job o
wark !"
"A love-smitten gentleman. after conversing
awhile with lady cn the subject Of matrimony,
H!Wul you have me- ?' II an very sorry to dis
appoint YOU" replied the lady, "and hope my
1e 1e ah ha viii viii %ii hei
philosophical lover; "an4 nou suppose Tee
change tie subject"
evils OF tight-lacing. She il quite right. II a
girl wants her waist squeezed sne ought to en-
ploy some reliable young man for the purt tose.
Our experience il, that no, young man with any
preteutions to reliability would, when thus EN-
ployed, for ell gle moment neglect Ais business.
-Louispiue Courier Journal.
-SAid Professor in 3 college to notorious
lasgard who was once, for wonder, promptly
in hls place at morning prayers at The appointed
time, " marked you, sir, ~ punctual thus morn-
ming. What is your o1cuse = S-s-sick, sir,
and couldn't slcep," Vas the reply.
"A missionary among tho freedmen in Teu-
nessee, after relating 70 some little colored chil-
dren the story Of Auanias and Sapphira, asked
them why God does not strike everybody dead
that tells lie, when one OF tho least in the
room quickly answered, "Decause there wouldn't
be anybody left.''
"A man who had been married about six
months was yesterday finding fault With the
prices at the City Hall Market. say1ng that he
couldn't understand how it was. They used to
figure, as he sat with his arm around her waist
OF Sunday night, That pound OF sngar, two
ounces Of tea, two pounds OF meat hall peck OF
potatoes, and ten pounds OF -four, represented
by $3.50 cash, would run them Week, but the
fact VAS he used up SIS per wesk, and Vas then
hungry half tno timo.-Detrolt Free Press.
"A man sauntered into one OF our apothecary
few moments looking into the showcases, aud
turning piece Of toothpick several times in his
mouth, startled .ls clerk With the question
"What's good to euro poisoning ?" What
kind Of poisoning" asked the clerk Well,
laudanum poisoning, says the stranger. s'You
see the old woman took couple. OF teaspoonfuls
Of laudannm. aud I kinder thought I'd better
drop in to pill-shop and see what's good for
her" (all this IN dra'sling voice.. Here,
JOHN" shouted the clerk, - put up . strong
;nirA t4n,1 o9,1 1Yo if
home give it to your wifa, follow it up With
strong coffee, and call Doctor" "A doctor
says the man. taking hls MEDICINE. j" sne don't
waste no money on doctors, not il know IT,
Portland (Afe.) 4d1ertiser.
"A Newark IN. j. husband brought home .
hunk Of molasses candy for his wife the other
evening. His wife weafs falBo teeth. The
candy was Of an adhesive nature. She helped
herself to d generous hunk. and planted both
rows OF teeth in it, There' they remained.
Strenuous were her efforts to release them. but
she was not successful. She wanted her mouth
free that she might say something to him. She
wanted to say something to him that the candy
uos only prevented, but the tone Of which, from
it's prominent quality, it debaucllea. Bat
she could not get her jaws apart. Then
mass, teeth aud candy, in a basin. Again
sho looked at him as u she we're on the
point Of Saying something he would be interest
ed in. hut every effort was broken up and de-
stroyed by the orphaned jaws. imagine q woman
"a direct descendant OF Eve-in such Tx.
Ting through her brain think Of the torrent OF
eloqueuce bursting from her throat with roar
and striking out INTO the air vapor think OF
the blazing eyee, the distended nostrils, the
trembling frame, the nervous hands. Picture
her thus. tearing the miserable candy from the
glisteuing teeth, and comprehend il you can, o,
man the velocity With which the freed teeth
were slapped into their place. and with Which
that wretched man subdued his mezriment and
tore out Of that house.-Danbu1y Nesos.
From. Hdrpey,s "Denrer " for February.
Not far from t1is city" writes 4 Cleveland
correspondent, F." lives gentleman who Is the
father OF seven grown-up daughters. They are
rather lively girls. The father is an admrer Of
Hawthorne, and he calls his house the House
OF the Seven Gabbers.'"
A lawyer IN Brooklyn, n T., has little
daughter. aged Years, that will be one Of the
petticoated diplomatcs OF tue future. Recently
her mother, returning from church, found her
long array Of her brothers toy
soldiers on the nursery floor. ARE gou playing
with soldiers on Sunday, Louise u said mamma
3" Oh, desc are de army OF do Lord, +" was the
qmck response Ut their cur1y-heaced commander.
One day when the Rev. Mr.. Harness was
staring At famous conntry~house, he found
gentleman pacing up and down the parlor in the
m sgs5'i no1e4 of @10d m asfe
nn1iously, ''Tho matter!' he replied; ~
should think there was! Three of tbs worst
things that cao possibly happen to man: I'm
in love, I'm in debt. and I've doubts about the,
doctrines of the Triuityt"
AT recent session Of the court in Alien
town, Pa,, d jury rendered 8 verdict OF $50 for
the plaintiff where he had claimed $500. Coun-
sefor Stiles for the plaintiff, being slightly dis
gusted, stated hu1ried1y for the street, but his
progress was arrested at the door BY large dog,
which barked Justify at tue learned gentleman.
making further advancement dangerous. Mr..
Stiles paused for moment Looked Kindly at tho
animal aud in low toue OF voice said, in the
hearing Of tho jury, ' Go a,cuy; / am not o7se
VI the men that brought in tho. rerdict!' The dog
Was appoased, and allowed Alr. Stles' esresa
frola tho temple Of justice.
MIGNOh'S SONG.
From he German Of Cot1s