The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-05-01
FAoTs AND FANo1Es.
"A dish for a lawyer-Suet.
"A good fIoor-mnnnrer-A lnrc

/ =
to cause love is TO be useful 10 Others
Beranger.
The gods give nothing really good
and beautiful without labor and dill
gence.-Xenophon.
Old minds are like old horses; you
must exercise them if you wish to keep
them in working order.-Joh71 adams.
A Dubuque man has asked the
courts to protect him against three Wild
ows who are trying to force him into
a marriage.
What is the difference between a
farmer and a bottle Of whisky? One
husbands the corn ard the other corns
the husband.
in life IL is difficult q say who do
Won the most mischief, enemies with
the worst intentions, or friends with tho
best.--Bul,Oer.
-Cobbett's wife caught him by the
grace with which she used Ter wash
tub. She never was known to use
after the wedding.
TO wear low dresses. Mamma" she
remarks to her maternal, "that is more
than can bare"
| An lOWN man buth ~ MhAA1A W.
calling him a skunk, and the verdict
of the jury was 4" Not guilty, but If she
was we'd clear her.
-Aquestion of precedenceist troubling
Cincinnati. The trouble is, whether an
| alderman's wife ranks higher than the
wife of the county recorder.
Such rs are thy habitual thoughts,
such also will be the character of thy
mind for the soul is dyed by tho
thoughts. Marcus Aurctius.
What's the difference between the
side of a right-angle triangle and an
old maids teapot? One is hypothe-
muse, the other tea-pot-in-use.
Are blacksmiths, who make q living
by forging, or carpenters, who do lit
tie counter.fitting, any worse than men
who sell iron and steel for a living?
A robin
Sat bobbin'
Ont into the West
Out into the West, as the sun went down
He piped shrill note,
But il frz in his throat
And he laid himself down ON the cold, cold
ground.
Almost every one will be surprised
to learn that 81 600, were collected at
the Washington monument last year.
1t pays the salary of the associations
treasurer.
The Golden Globe Of Colorado has
suspended on account of the disappear
ance of the editor. He was last seen
standing under n tree, and some men
pulling on a rope.
An exchange says that n Michigan
man dreamed recently that his aunt was
dead. The dream proved true. lie
tried the same dream on his mother-in-
law, but it didn't work.
Fools that they are, they know not
how much the half is better than the
whole. nor how great pleasure there IL
in wholesome herbs-the mallow and
the asphodel. HosiOdas.
-Tonpatabo, in the Sandwich Is
lands. has been culivating yam
twelve wears, and now it is ripe and
WEIGHS n ton. A clear case OF yegeta-
BILE imitation. Yam Yam
-"Did YOU execute this instrument
without fear or compulsion from your
husband ?" blandly asked the Judge.
{" Fear Compulsion He compel me J
You don't know me, Judge.
in natural state, tears and laugh
ter 90 hand in hand for they are twin
born. Like two children sleeping in
one cradle. when one stirs and wakes,
the other wakes also.-Beechcr.
I have often wondered how every
man loves himself mere than all the
rest of men, yet sets less value on his
own opinion of himself than on the
opinion of others.-ApOiiOdorts.
1t isn't right, and Delaware court
has decided that il isn't, for man to
tie his wife up TO q hitching post and
Ieave her there all night because he
fnds her spectacles in the cofioe-Pot.
How sweet is the prayer Of the vir-
gin heart TO its love Thy virtues won
ne. With virtue preserve me Dost
,hou love me? Keep me, then, still
worthy TO be loved Sir n. Sidney.
-"Don't you mean TO marry again,
nv dear sir ?" said q buxom widow 90
,er neiphbor. Z" No, my dear widow"
aid the old rusty. "Td rather lose all
he ribs I've got, than take another"
Well. Bridget, if engage you, I
hall want You TO stay at home whenev-
r I shall wish to go ont. "Well ,ma'am,
have no objections, providing you
10 the same when L wish TO go out.
Speaking of cremation, an exchange
ItterS the following
And this ia all that n lett OF ineef
Thou farest OF sarth's daughters
)nly four pounds OF asher white
ont of one hundred and fourteen and three
quarters"
"A wrangling couple were discussing
ne subject of epitaphs and tOmb-stones,
nd the husband said: My dear, what
ind of stone do you suppose they will
i've me. when / die ?" " Birthstone, my
we" was the affectionate reply.
A Delaware man has been taking
,d-liver oil for four years 20 cure tho
and has just found ont
lat he never had any consumption. He
the maddest man in America, and his
lildren haven't said "boo" in a week.
A cockney tourist met with Scotch
ssie going barefoot toward Glasgow.
Iassie." said he, 81 should like TO
now il all the people in this part go
.refooted." part Of em do, and the
st of 'em mind their own business"
as the reply.
A model husband from the land Of
,tion. "He admired his wifeso much
,at he used 10 light the candle three
mes every night 20 look at her; and
q became a very celebrated bankrupt
yo or three times.
Life is made up, not OF great sacri-
ses or duties, but Of little things, IN
hich smiles and kindness and small
bligations given habitually are what
in and preserve the heart and secure
,mfort. NJ DdUy.
1t makes US proud when our love OF
mistress is returned; it ought 10 make
J prouder still when we can love her
II herself alone, without the aid OF
nv such selfish reflection. This Is the
,iigion of love.-Hdzlih.
-Webster's dictionary contains over
ftv thousand words. Jones says when
= came home late the other night, in
"a snqce of fifteen minutes his wife APP
lied them all TO him, including some
Itra ones and the fre-shovel.
Little girl" Mamma, don't think
le people who make dolls are very pi-
Is people" Mamma" Why not,
" child?" Little girl" Because you
IN never make them kneel. / always
ave TO lay my doll down on her stom-
IN to say her prayers"
-"That dog of yourn flew at me
lis morning and bit me on the leg,