The Ottawa free trader., 1874-06-06
That Picnic.

Last Suhusys plCnlc at starved Ruck was All
cvcnt-a huge event. There was an impression
abroad that it was to be a German picnic. The
handbills that were posted about the country
were printed in Deutch and English in ahandsome
mixture. But II was not purely German per
formance. \ dsgusted Teuton who travelled all
over the grounds and spoke in his native tongue
to athousand people, calculated "Donncrwetter
derc don'd vas a Dutchman here but Mike
OTooc, und ven | say VIE gents, Mike he pull
a big tobacco chsw by his mouth oud und say
Pm well, be jabers"" He left.
Then there was another German who was a
victim of misplaced confidence. He invested in q
big lot of cigars and went from Utca over to the
picnic to sell his goods. He sold in lively man
ner, and towards evening his entire stock was
gone ami in its stead a cigar box full OF change
about $40 in all. He then closed up his "ranehe,'
showed his cigar box under the seat of his bug
gy and wandered around to see the sights. At
night he htched up his horse and went home
He felt happy. He knew he had done well He
thrust his hand under the buggy-scat for his
money. He felt ana felt and kept feeling more
and more, as a cold perspiration began to ooze
out upon his forehead. His eyes popped out to
that extent that you might have knocked 'cm
of with a club-he whstled doleful whistle as
he calculated, "Who's peen here since Is pin
goneg" His money box had been stolen!
Then there was gay young rooster who went
to the picnic. He roamed around among the
gushing young damsels awhile, chewing the end
of his nobby cane and looking fearfully wise
Then falling to bust" any great number of fc-
male hearts, he sought consolation in glass OF
beer. One glass was not sufficient for his pow
erful frame, and lie took another. He barred his
right crm up TO his shoulders and extended it
with a grand gladiataral flourish. was as sym.
metrical as an ancient mop stick and about as
clean He offered to bet he could hold 25 lbs. at
arms length. The muscles in his arm swellcd up
like knots in stem Of blue grass. He took anoth-
or glass Of beer and his strength increased in pro
portion. He offered to bet 800 that he could
hold out 100 lbs On the 10th glass he offered to
bet 81 900 that he could hold out 1000 lbs. Or
the Goth glass his muscular strength attained
gigantic power, and he offered to bet $4,000 that
he could hold out something like 80 tons in each
hands! But he soon wilted-thc sun and the
north wind you know! He silently stole away.
Search was made and he was found gently, sweet
ly. snoozing beneath a crab apple tlee. spider
had spun itself down from an upper limb and
was swinging ding-dong, ding-dong, oyer the
hideous opening through which he Inserts po-
tatoes, hash &c, into himself. The spider evil
IDENTIFY llcsitat0d about making a nest in SO large
a cave,
The boys lUund our hero. They relt his pulse
and pronounced him dead. They cmpsnneled a
jury and sat upon him; and then Martin preached
fearful sermon over the corpse, and, cutting
the initials of the victim in the nearest tree frey
went mournfully away.
There were only ii fights-somc in ducts,
some in quartets and quintets, while not few
were general
Next day when you saw man with a damaged
nose or a black eye, it was useless to ask him
where he had been. The answer invariably
would be briefly: "Picnic."