American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1874-05-09

| MRS. DEW BERRY, wife OF James lie
e berry, is an exceedingly abscnt-mind
woman, so absent minded that she SON
4 times forgets to sew on her husband
buttons and mend his socks, though,
? Mr.. Dewberry savagely remarks (bru
| that he iso she never seems to forg
: | when she ought to have a new bonnet
gown, or thinks she ought when he don
for Mr. ID. is a man who does not approx
of too much dress for women.
They would get along splendidly, hoy
, ever, were ii not for Mrs Dewberry's lit
habit of forgetfulness, and the addition;
fact that she is somewhat deaf.
But just let me tell you what happene
at the residence of the Dewberrys IL
other night, and feel sure you will syn
pathiZe not only with Mr.. Dewberry bJ
the unfortunate Mrs. Dewberry herself
Like all partially deaf people Mrs. Dew
berry is forever laboring under the del,
sion that she hears all descriptions {
noises, and happening TO wake up las
Thursday night about twelve o'cloc
became convinced, from sundry imagina
sounds, that some one was breaking int
the house. She sat up in bed and listene
| with both ears, one of which was it'll
more deaf than the other, and was sur
that some one was forcing an entranc
rough the basement window. She wa
dreadtully frightened; visions oc maske,
robbers passed through her head Sc
seiZing her sleeping husband by the arm
she shook him violently, screaming;
| "Jamesl James! Wake up, l say
| There's robbers breaking IMP
whats that?" exclaimed Mr.. Dew
berry, starting up and rubbing his aston
ished eyes.
There's band of masked robbers
getting in at the basement window ~
answered Mrs. Dewberry, in great excite
ment.
Masked robbersr' shouted her hus.
band; 1.-The dickens ~ and with that he
sprang out of bed and, snatching the
night lamp, dashed down stairs, clad only
in his robe de NUT. Whereupon Mrs D.,
instead of hanging over the balusters to
look after her husband, as any other
woman would have done, locked the door
and, jumping into bed, covered herself,
head and all, in the blankets; and as her
husband did not come back quite as soon
as she expected forgot all about him and
fell asleep. Meanwhile Mr.. Dew berry, in
search OF the robbers, having armed him
self with his cane, crept softly down the
basement stairs and peeped cautiously
through the keyhole of the dining room
door, fully expecting to find the room
filled with masked men, making Off with
the silver. But mo, the apartment was
empty anu though Hc ScdTCncu every
room and listened at every window and
door he could find no trace of robbers.
They might be down stairs feasting on
the contents of the larder; he had heard
of such things, and acting on this sugges-
ton he explored the cellar also, notwith-
standing the cold bricks nearly froze his
bare feet. But there was no one in the
cellar either unless they were secreted in
the coal-bin, and Mr.. Dewberry, who
when he did thing always did it well,
mounted up on the edge of the bin and,
lamp in hand, peered down into its grimy
depths. Just as he had decided that there
was naught but coal in the bin gust of
wind from the cellar window blew out
his light, and at the same instant Mr.
Dewberry lost his balance and fell head
first into the coalbin. IL is unnecessary
to state what he said when he found him
self sprawling in that " beastly coal-bin''
he called it-but he certainly did look
rather peculiar when, after procuring
another light from the kitchen, he gained
his bedroom door with his night-shirt,
face, feet and hands blackened with coal
dust.
To his surprise he found the door
locked. He raped on it with his
knuckles and pounded on it with his feet,
but Mrs. Dewberry had gone to sleep with
her deafest ear uppermost and not "a
sound disturbed her peaceful rest
"Confound the womanl what am l to
do?" thought the victimized Dew berry,
with the cold. He'd not stay
there all night-that he was determined
So he shouted and banged and shook the
door until Mrs. Dewberry was aroused at
last, and called out in sleepy voice,
g Who's there?'
"Who's there, indeed!" shouted the
irrte Mr.. D.; why, your husband, woman
And why, in the name of goodness, don't
you unlock this door?'
81 haven't locked the door; no such
hing" veciferated Mrs Dewberry, who |
lad of course entirely forgotten the cir
land you amt my husband |
either" she continued; g L don't believe
word of it"
mot your husband ?" cried Mr. Dew |
)erry; what next, / wonder? l am your |
husband. Didn't you send me to look for
obbers that were not there, confound it |
III ~
"Oh! yes, yes" answered Mrs. D., sud |
lenly remembering all about it. "Wait |
moment, Jim, and III let you in:" and !
Mrs. Dewberry got out of bed and began
cropping her way across the floor. There
icing no light in the room she hadn't |
rome half yard before she put her foot
INTO small bath-tub that Mr.. ID. had
'ery carelessly left full of water before re-
iring.
BLESS mew cried Mrs Dewberry,
what is that ?" and she turned suddenly
ound, only to catch her foot in the drug
ret and come splashing down, with both
lands in the water
What the dickens are you at?' de
handed Mr.. Dewberry, outside the door.
Do you mean to let me in to-nIght."
do be patient" gasped Mrs. ID. "I'm
oming as soon as l get out of this sea
# water. whatever it ISL
Sea of water" repeated Mr.. d. :" why,
he woman must be dreaming yeti Will
on wake up?" and he began pounding
nd knocking again, with rsdoubled
igor.
. Pm coming, I tell you," screamed
irs. D.; and feeling around the wall she
Don put her hand on the handle of the
loset door, which, supposing it to be the
DOM door, she unlocked and opened
tide. But as Mr.. Dewberry was not in
he closet he did not come out of it, and
Irs. ID. perceived nothing but inky black
ess. Whereupon she slammed the door
D, and, uttering Il fearful scream, imme-
lately crawled under the bed and went
nfO Mysteries.
By this time Mr.. Dewberry had come
, the conclusion that the robbers were in
is wIfc's room; so, rushing down stairs,
e tore open the front door and ran out
n the pavement, screaming murder fire
lieves! and everything else he could
link of, at the top of his voice. A po-
ceman happening along, Mr.. ID. collared
i'm at once and, telling him an inco-
erent story of robbers killing his wife,
-antically led the way to his bedroom
DOR, where the historical sobs of Mrs |
}. were pitiiul to hear.