The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1874-07-16
INKS Is IsTEaGs5


grounds and trottingpark, costing $So''
600.
Forty pounds of tallow were lateiy
taken from one sheep in Grayson County,
Tex.
A LEBANON (Ky.) gentleman SO ardent
" greeted long-absent wife that ne
broke one of her ribs.
DENVER, Col, is advancing in civiliza-
ton. for the complaint of dirty streets
there is long and loud.
THE Anatomical Shoemaker says it's
nonsense to put a monument over a
Bunyan-all you want is an anatomical
boot
IT is shrewdly observed that sawdust
pills would cure great many diseases il
the patient would only make his own
sawdust.
SoLoN SINGLE, alias John Owens, has
settled down for the summer at his coun.
try seat in Pennsylvania. His occupa-
tons corn.
FEMALE convicts are made to blast and
pound rocks in St. Louis. The rights OF
woman are being gradually recognized
everywhere.
MISS ELIZABETH THOMPSON, the new
artist, realizes the extent of her success
now that she has sat for photographs for
public disposal.
GIRLS are scarce and proportionately
precious in Lac qui Parle, Mimi, there
being only one girl to eight boys in that
unfortunate town.
"WouLD you like to smoke upon your
death-bcd?" is the last argument ad-
dressed by an anti-tobacco man to con
sumers of the weed.
A CONNECTICUT editor announces that
he has bought $500 dog, and can now
meet the most irascible caller with a
smile of calm content.
ONE-HALF the fruit in Michigan will
have to be picked green and thrown
away, the trees being SO laden that the y
cannot ripen all the fruit.
ROCHESTER,, N. u, has Coroner named
Harder, wherefore some desperate hui
morist observes that it is hard enough
to be set on by an ordinary Coroner
A TROUT weighing fourteen and three
fourths pounds was hooked in Lake
George the other day by Mr.. Buel, but
it was found necessary to shoot him in
the head before he could be landed.
INNusERABLE frogs have lately APP,
peared at Lone Tree, Neb. Hundreds
are crushed by wagons on the streets,
and people cannot step without treading
on them.
Il WONDER if it's sea-sickness that
makes sailors always a-heaving up
anchors" exclaimed Aunt Hepsibah, as
she looked thoughtfully up from her
morning paper.
THE steamship Pennsylvania, which
sailed from Philadelphia for Liverpool
recently took out as part of her cargo
one hundred and eighty moving and
reaping machines.
AN Iowa Justice has tried to improve
business by offering to marry at the low
price Of two shillings couple; but in
spite of this he complains that business
continues very bad.
RUBBER jewelry is always in fashion
about this season The newest styles are
pretty, although not remarkably new
For earrings the cross and star appear
to be the most generally popular.
A LONDON correspondent writes: BY
the way, it is rather odd-but have no,
seen in any English paper word of com
ment on the marriage of Mr. Sartoris with
daughter of the President of the United
States"
FRANK DEvINE, of Portsmouth, n. H.,
being one day last week very hot, placed
his head beneath a pump spout and let
the water run upon it. He was carried
home, put to bed, and died the next
morning.
AT the recent Barnum banquet in
Bridgeport the health of P. T. was pro
posed by Gen. Noble. Other noblemcn
followed. Although the weather was
very warm the venerable Snowman stood
a toasting very well.
In view of the bravery displayed by
Gen. Concha in leading the Carlist
army just before receiving his mortal
wound, his followers may well dispute
the declaration that Concha-ience doth
make towards of us all"
On his death-bed, Terre Hautc COM
positor confessed to having maliciously
substituted "those" for "these" in no
less than seven hundred paragraphs He
had accomplished his fell work through
conspiracy with the proof-readcr.
THE latest joke about "Tuppers Pro-
verbal Philosophy" is that it has been
dramatized by Mr.. Dion Boucicault for
the Queens Theatcr. Amonograph upon
the wonderful work containing all that
has been said and written about it would
be an entertaining volume.
PEOPLE who are weary of the dull
safety of civilization, and who pine for
the excitements of savage life, should
move to Bancroft, Me-, where there is a
plenty of bears who walk unblushingly
up to the houses, kill young cattle, and
even dog the footsteps of pedestrians.
A LADY sitting in her parlor, engaged
in dreamy contemplation of the mus
tache Of the young gentleman who was
to escort her and her sister to a festival,
was suddenly awakened by an ominous
whisper in a juvenile voice at the door.
you've got AIMS teeth, and she wants
them"
A MISS, upon whose faxen curls the
suns of fourteen summers had shed their
fervor, came home the other afternoon
weeping as if her heart would break, and
meeting playmate exclaimed, in a
paroxysm of grief, "Oh, Dora! we were
engaged to be married, and Charley's got
the measles"
A TIMID man wants to know chow to
tell mad dog We don't know what
he wants to tell him, but the safest way
would be to communicate with the dog
In writing. Send the letter from gun |
in the shape of wadding, followed BY
small shot to see if he gets it.-Neu Or
leans Republican.
NAPOLEON Ill. never had the reputa-
ton OF wit, but he said one sharp thing |
after he had made himself master of the |
destinies Of France 1t was at the ex.