Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-07-24
Fl UMO r

Max Adeler. who writes for a Philadels
phia paper, has friend named Simmer,
WHO deserves pity. He was going up
Reading the other day, and when reaching
the depot he happened to look in the ladies'
room A woman sat there with a lot OF
baggage and three children, and when size
saw Simmer she rushed at him, and be-
fore he could defend himself she flung her
arms about his neck, nestled her head ND.
on his breast, and burst into tears. Slim.
me- was amazed, indignant, COMPOUNDED {:
and ere he could find utterance for his
feelings, she exclaimed;
oh, Henry, dear Henry We are united
at last. Are you well ? Is aunt Martha
still alive? Haven't you longed to see
your own Louisa p
And she looked into SINNERS face and
smiled through her tears.
Madame said he solemnly, If l am
the person alluded to as Henry, permit me
to say that you have made mistake NY
name is Lemuel, [ have no aunt Martha,
and don't own solitary Louisa Oblige
me by letting go my coat; it excites re :
marks
Then she buried her bonnet deeper into
his waistcoat, and began to cry harder
than ever, and said:
sob, Henry, how, how can you treat me
so? How can you pretend you are not my
husband p
Madame, screamed Simmer, eff you do
not cease sobbing my shirt bosom, and
remove your umbrella from my corn,
shall be obliged to call the police. Let me
60 say
The children are here she persisted
They recognize their dear father. Don't
you, children p
Yes, yes they exclaimed, it's pa, it's
our dear pa
And then they grappled Simmer by the
trousers leg and hung to his coat tail.
Woman he shrieked, this is getting
serious. finland me, | say
And he tried to disengage himself from
her embrace-while all the brakemer, and
the baggage master, and the newsboys
stood around, and said his conduct was
infamous. In the midst of the struggle IL
stranger entered with a carpet bag. He
looked exactly like Slimmer-and when he
saw his wife in SINNERS arms he became
excited, and fioored Simmer with that
carpet bag, and sat Oh him, and smote his
nose and caromed on his head, and asked
him what he meant. Simmer was remoy-
ed on a stretcher, and the enemy went off
with his wife and family in a cab He
called next day to apologize. His wife
had made the mistake because of SINNERS
likeness to him. And now Simmer wish
es he may soon be kicked in the face by a
mule, so that he will resemble no other
human being OH earth.
A DUTCHMAN's CATECHIsM--W find
id oud der book dot Adam II forget his
oder name] vos de firsed man.
Eve vos der nexed. Won tay dey got
troubled orboud eading some gWinces und
yos kicked out of der CARTON.
Gain und Ables vos de first shiIdren.-
Gain got mad und put Il head on his brud-
der, und den lite out. He vos TN bad boy
YonuS was fishInaker. Won tay he gone
W uCi SOOoOpOulo W SOCCI Dill i)S u1l ven
he vos looking for bait, he walked right
away ov a whales mout in. But der
whales make him pooty quick Walk again.
He was too sthrong nit de fishes stumix.
Solomon know more as everybody. He
don wood cut little boy in pieces to sed-
die a disturbance nit too gals He said it
vas better gone der whole hog OF none
Sans Son Il don'd hear is mudder's
name) vas de strongest. He vas bruser.
He got fighden mid a dozen fellows und he
cleared UNI all out mitt a chack-asses bone.
Yoube vas der pashenest man. You
could stick ping in him all tay und he
voodnt holler.
Merdoeslum vas der oldes grandfather
yegot desc times. He Good told you all
aboud it.
Lazarus vas der poor man. Dey don't
go no free lunches in dose times und he
vas always slSirmiahin aboud for grubs.
Yoseph's pig brudders got yellows of
him because he wore a shopped goat und
sold him for twenty dollars. An alder
avile give um some roasding ears und
made it all right.
''Oh Lord, Thou knowest," prayed
Connecticut deacon in church meeting,
''that [ am afflicted with a most impious
and depraved son. r on knowest that he
will swear and lie and steal and do all sim
full things Thou knowest that on the last
Sabbath day he was seen walking down
the principal street in the village with his
hands in his pockets, whistling the follow
ing ungodly tune" and the congregat ion
flow melodiously from the deacon's pursed
up lips.
A party sat down at the Widespread sup
per table of a Sound steamer, upon which
one of the dishes contained trout of
moderate size. A serious looking individ-
ual drew this dish toward him. saving
alphabetically, "Ths is fast day with me-
His next neighbor, an Irish gentleman
inserted his fork into the fish and transfer.
ed it to his own plate, remark ing, ''Sir, do
you suppose nobody has sowl to save but
youaself.''
Civil Rights conversation in Macon be-
tween two darkies: "say, Bill, when dis
Civil Rights bill don passed fore Congress.
do you know what Use gwine to do ?''-
''No Sam; what yer gwine to do ?'' "I'se
gwine down to de Brown House and take
dinner-settin at de same table wild dem
white folks. And den I'll set out in front
and smoke my cigar jes as big as any one
of 'em." ''G'way niger. If you 'tempts
to eat dinner at the Brown House bets
YOU eats supper in HI.