St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-11-06
Josh Billings on Hotels.

oooh ou 11OIelS-
f Hotels are houses of refuge. home
i"r t.ir Migrants. the married mans IT,
treat. and the bachelors iirc>id,.
They are kept in all sorts "v ways
some on the European plan. and mennN
oN them on no plan at all.
\ good landlord IL like Il good step
, mother hr knows iIiz Dizziness, an,
meals Ia do hiZ duty.
He knows how to rub hiZ hands witt
JOY when the traveller draws nigh: ht
knows how to smile: he knew Nur,
WiIr'> father when he waz living. and
yurc witc'> fu>t husband. hut he don't
Il speak about him.
lie Kan tell whether it will rain tn-
morrow OF not: lac hears NuIc konl-
plani> with Il tear in his eve: he blows
mp the servants At Nur;. suggestion. and
stands around ready. with Il shirt collar
~ still AZ brokrm china.
y man may he Il good >uprcan court
! Judge. and ~ the same tim,. br IL mi>t.r-
able landlord.
Most every boldly thinks they can
! keep Il h"trl and they kan: hnt this
ackountS tnl the crate number of hotels
that are kept "m he same principle that
Il .iu>li>~ "v the peace n1i>> IL kept dur
ing Il >iN-daI>' jury Trial iur KILN"
>"n"h"d,'> Yell" dorg.
y l0lrl wont keep itself. aid keep
/ the Landlord too. ami kuIr Il traveller
from the habit nN pIni;Imr >WairiuT.
HAY had this experiment tried on
me several times. and it alwu~ make,
/ the >WarcS WII>>.
1t il too often The ka>c that Landlords
=" int" the hizlin.>~ "> hash ~ minis
/ tcl> =" int" the pr"i,>>huu with the
very best "v m"tiNr~. but the pnolr>t
kind"> pIn>prch>.
/ don't know "V cuny bIZinc>> more
! tl,ui,r>um than the tavern hiIIur~>.
I There don't seem t.w hr rmnvIhiug trw
do but trw stand in front "N tlr regis
+ ter with Il pen behind the ear. and seq
thai ;hc UUr>l> enter Ihrm>clt> M soon
~ they enter the houl~r: then Nnnk Il
l"ll-rnpc >iN "r seven times: : and then
tell John trW >lIn the gentleman trW
90. and then take l"mr dollars and tit-
tl cents next morning from the poor
/ d"NI -, Il traveller. and let him Went.
/ Ihi> ~rcm> trW he the whole thing
and il il the whole thing ia most
eases.
lu Will di>k">rr the following de
>kIip>hun Il mild one "N about . hotels
, ont n> ~ hrtWcru the Atlamtick and
l'a'il,rk O-hun>. ahI">t The GLitcd
States i'll u straight line:
uIr loom il Is t""I ii inches. 10y .
foot inches. pulllrl"@Iamll
Ii h"iu- r"uIt week (lI usual all the
good l""ir> are rmpl"Nrd Iii the law
lcr> and judges.
IN" I""m u "u the uttrrm">r floor.
The carpet j. ingram mglaiurd with
the du>t. hcr"~,ur lie. ana ink ->pnl> oN
tnuI g"ucII>huu>.
Ihrr" IL tW" pegs in the room trN
hitch coats onto. ON" oN them broke
"ph. and the other pullrd ont. and
missing.
The bur" has three leg and "nr
brick
llrr glass lew the hur" swings on
tW" pi>"t~. which have lost rh,ii grip.
here il one. towel on the rlck. lhin.
hur wet. The rain-watrr in the pitcher
cum "ut "\ the we'll.
II" soap Il ~ tuli trw veal ~ Il
MILESTONE.
The soap i scented with cinnamon
lie. and >arigltrd with spots.
here il three chairs. cane settlers
"l,. il Il rocker. and all thlcc are bust
ed
Ihnrr il Il match box empty.
",''' " ',' ."'''' ~" '',' Ni''''''
VA kant >rr ont. and va" kan sec in
he h"ll-I"pr IL cum "ph about Il IN
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"'n'''
l"N'.i '"N'"''' ''N'"' WIN 'hr't
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ana "'', WIN wv" Iil'hc> "E drowned
mes an" vinegar III IT,
know if yu will tIk uunth,r run a.,
knt,c,.
Iu SAY mo. mnm i thank yu and