The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-07-03
FACTS AND FANoIEs.

it dollar just for the fun OF the thing.
-"Do you like the piano ?" some
one asked Theophile Gautier. ! per-
fer it to the guillotine, was the reply
Of the poet.
1t was an expressive remark of a
practical man regarding the woman OF
the period recently: "She doesn't
know enough, sir, 20 boil water"
-" Where do wicked little boys go
TO who fish on Sunday ?" asked n teach
er in a Sunday school. "Down TO
Cullom's Rifle, was the prompt reply.
The clergy cost the United States
! 912, 900, 900 annually; the criminals,
S4O,OOO,OOO; the lawyers, $40, 900, 900
rum, 5000, ,0O0,0 600.
"A. d. 1900. Scene before a crema-
ton undertakers shop: Small boy
"I say, sir, is dad done yet 4? II he is,
please put his ashes in this ere tin ket-
tle."
A correspondent asks "What
takes up more room on sidewalk now
adays than a fashionably. dressed fe-
male ?" Answer-A boy in new pair
of boots"
-" When we are dead" said Haw-
thorne one evening, sitting down in one
of the loveliest of New England ceme-
teries, "when we are dead, we Ameri-
cans begin TO enjoy ourselves" 4"
WED like a remedy for sore feet"
says a Cleveland paper. Have you
tried the new kind Of roofing material ?
Six yards will do 10 commence on,
they are common Cleveland feet
"A commercial writer suggests that
the hides of cremated persons might be
utilized. This awful suggestion gath
ers force from the fact that the skins Of
many people have already been tanned.
When a man gets into the habit o
walking with his hands tucked under
his coat tails-as men who accumulate
brain very fast often do-he ought 90
leave his cane at home, il only 10 avoid
Darwinian analogies.
"A shark, fifteen feet long, was killed
on Arkwright island, near Savannah, n
few days ago, and in its stomach were
found one old boot, one tin cup, two
crabs, one small shark, and several
small bones of the human foot.
"A New Bedford paper tells a story
about a shop-keeper, who advised n
customer 10 have two mohgir switches
instead Of one, as the article was be-
coming scarce. He said that the man
whom he hired TO hunt noes had only
caught two within a fortnight.
1t is we'll that the heart-strings can
relax and contract. There's Mrfs
Weaver, of Peoria. She tried 10 throw
herself into her husbands grave, tainted
away and went wild. That was FIVE
months ago, and the other day she mar
ried a red-eyed lightning-rod man.
A physician of skill and experience
says a mustard plaster should never be
mixed with hot water, but with the
white of eggs; aud when so prepared
does its duty as n counter-irritant with
out producing the anguish of blister,
as in the old method.
A gentleman who came several
miles 60 view Texas with the
purpose Of purchasing, got large sized
red ant on him, and, stranger as he was,
ne cavorted around and used as appro-
pirate language as if he had lived there
III his life, and moved in the best OF
Iociety.
A Scotchman went 90 lawyer once
or advice aud detailed the circum-
,tances of the case. Have you told
ne the facts precisely as they occurred?"
Isked the LAWYER. ooh ave sir T.
.eplied he 81 thought il best 10 tell
70 the plain truth. Ye can put the
les into il yourself"
The n. O. Picayuue doesn't know
Why IT is that young men always con-
ider il necessary 20 grin when they are
alking TO the other sex. Nobody can
imirk and grin at every word he utters
without losing every one of those pecu-
iarities which originally distinguished
lim from the chimpanzce.
A very prosaic and matter-of-fact
clergyman recently remarked that II
'all the bones of the victims OF intem-
,erance could be gathered and made in
o n pyramid, no plain could bo largo
nough for its base TO rest upon, and
he planets would have 10 be swept
side TO make room for it's apex"
Iodine and cantharides will remove
yarts, but not so fast as n buzz-saw.
lot lemonade will take the velvet of
ad cold, but il hot whisky wouldn't do
Just as well, bad colds would be
career. Gray hairs silver the evening
( life. but that was before the Poca-
ontas coloring fluid was discovered.
A gentle Quaker had two horses, a
cry good and a very poor one. When
cen riding the latter, IL turned out
hat his better half had taken the good
ne, "What !" said n sneering bach
lor. chow comes il that you let your
life ride the better horse p The only
eply was Friend, when thee be
larried thee'll know"
A sly old boy, aged eighty, wns be-
IRE n London court for breach OF
romise lately. The only thing that
,ved him was the economical method
his spelling in his letters. When ho
anted TO say =" May God bless you
nd kisses, " he only wrote IN. q. B. u.
nd X" "M. D." in his letters signi-
ed "my dear" and "L. p" little
et."
An elephant passed over the new
ridge at st. Louis the other day.
bout City boys, loaded with cakes and
her elephant tempters, walked back
ards ahead Of him and did the COAX
~, while n crowd Of men with spikes
nd crowbars urged him from behind.
st. Louis paper describes him AZ
the meek old mountain, apparently
eaf to the applause which greeted
m"
A worthy member Of the church,
ho is exceedingly deaf, was assisting
Ie congregation to sing that good old
7mn:
IF you get there before ] DO,
Look out for for me, I'm coming too
hen the last verse had been finished,
hat was the peoples amazement To
EAR brother A. drawl out, all alone by
mself.
Look out for me I'm coming too
efFectually destroyed the solemnity Of
at meeting.
Brooklyn has abolished its system
educating young men and women IA
70 same school-roOm. The reason
ven for the change is that the SYSTEM
N proved promotiye Of immortality.
he experience Of st. Louis in the Co
lucation of the sexes is quite different
ON this. There the association has
'oduced an emulation OF the most
faithful and desirable character. Bos-
n, too, we think, has found the system
'acticable. Brooklyn must have man
red very badly though, perhaps, tho
ult may lie in her climate.
Bachelors Dreams.
A writer in the Court Circular sayB:
yU.-o A., Isst,-y. e opv NrVaaI hnahn-