Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-09-02
Humorous.

Humorous.
Too MucH ESrERPRIsE-Ane exchange
has the story of man on the cars who
was offered newspaper. He took it.
looked at the heading, and then threw
it outside with disgust, and then re-
marked:
81 don't want any news from that
paper"
II supposed that everybody read it
in these parts" I answered. "Has it
been pitching into you ?"
Pitching into me? Great Caesar
should say it had. But just let me
meet the editor of that paper"
You never make anything by striking
an editor" 1 said ''better grin and
bear it."
"Yes. that's all right for you to say
but just let me meet him I'll show
him how to run a paper"
"What did he do ?'
"DO? He did a good deal. Here's
how it is /: 1 often went up to Spring
field on the last train at night, did my
business in the evening, and came home
on the first morning train. Well, one
night 1 met an old crony and we went
to Music Hall to the theatre. When
We came out we met some friends. OF
course could not get right out, so 1
treated then Jim treated and the
others treated in fact we were having
a pretty good time, when some fellows
came in and began to raise a row. In
less than no time the police were in and
had us. The next morning 1 was
hauled before the court and fined ST. 40.
| did not care much, because 1 gave a
false name, and knew my wife couldn't
find it out but the next morning, i'll
be eternally confused, if that very paper
didn't have it all in and my own name
too"
"Did your wife see it ?"
81 should say she did,"
"Did she make a fuss ?"
"Fuss Godfrey, Elisha Are you
married ?"
"Yes."
"Then you know how it is. 1 have
20 go to Springfield in the daytime now.
Just let me see that editor once -
"But, said I, feeling ought to take |
a newspapers part, you can hardly
blame him, you know. 1t was only the |
proper enterprise"
Enterprise enterprise be hanged
There's such a thing as having too
much enterprise.
ga late we'll known member of the |
Scottish bar, when a youth, was some
what OF dandy, and, l suppose, some
what short and sharp in his temper. He |
was going to pay visit in the country,
and was making great fuss about his
preparing and putting up his habili-
ments. His old aunt was much annoyed |
at all the hustle, and stopped him by
the somewhat contemptuous question, |
Whar's this you're gaun, Robby, that,
ye max sic q grand wark about yer
claes ? The young man lost temper,
and pettishly replied, I'm going to the
devil. Deed, Robby, then,' was the
quiet answer, 'ye medina he sac nice
he'll iuist tax ye as We are.'"
"DEAR old Aunt Sarah," said school
girl, don't see very well, and last Sun
day she was buzzing around, getting
ready for church looking for umbrella,
specs, overshoes, and last but not least,
her prayer-book. The latter she thought
she had seclred by grabbing something
off her bureau at the last moment, but
when she got to church it proved to be
my musical box, and the old lady In
trying to find her place in this uncom-
mon book of prayer, touched the
spring, and it went off in fine style to
the tune of % Jim Along, Jim Along
Josey 7"
An HONEST farmer was invited to
attend party at the village doctors
one evening, when there was music,
both vocal and instrumental. On the
following morning he met one of the
guests, who said
"Well, farmer, how did you enjoy
yourself last night? Were not the
quartettes excellent?"
"Why, really, sir, 1 can't say" said
he, 'for 1 didn't taste 'em but the
pork chops were the finest 1 ever ate."
The late Vicar of Sheffield, the Rev.
DR.. Sutton, once said to the late Mr..
Peech, a veterinary surgeon, "Mr.
Peech, how is it that you have not
called upon me for your account ?"
"Oh." said Mr.. Peech, 81 never asked
a gentleman for money - Indeed"
said the Vicar, ''then how do you get
it if he doesn't pay ?" "Why," replied
Mr.. Peech. latter a certain time 1 con-
clude that he is not gentleman and
then ask him."
In Kansas City, if you call for plate
of Indian cakes, the waiter puts his
hand to the side of his mouth and sings
out, 'Modocs for one" We can beat
that IN Chicago, for at a certain fash
ionable lunch room the ancient and
honorable name of "pork and beans" is
translated into "stars and stripes :"
and the poetical Chef regales the ears of
his customers with Sam Handwiches
for two."
CONVERSATION between an inquiring
stranger and steamboat pilot "That
is Black Mountain ?" "Yes, sir. high
est mountain above Lake George"
ANY story or legend connected with
that mountain" "Lots of 'em. Two
lovers went up that mountain and never
came back again." "Indeed. Why,
what became of them ?" "Went down
on the other side"
NAPOLEON III. never had the reputa-
tion of wit, but he said one sharp
thing after he had made himself master
of the destinies of France. 1t was at
the expense of his princely cousin, Plon
Plon, who said to him one day, "You
have nothing of your uncle about you"
Yes" he replied-''his family.
An OLD lady in Massachusetts being