Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-07-01
Humorous.

The Book CANvAssER.-A 8 years
ago while at dinner with my family ]
waz informed that thar waz gentleman
in the parlor who must see me imme-
diately on very important buzziness.
Fastening from the table 1 found
myself in the presence of q plainly
dressed, but very nervous man, who
informed me that he was canvassing mi
distrikt for the sale of Erastus Spignot's
new work entitled the Normal Circu-
lashun of the Blood"
l at once informed the man that / did
not want the work.
He then began q long account ov its
value and importance to every human
being, when broke in upon his elo-
quence be repeating ''that i did not
want the book"
He continued hi telling me that no
library would be komplete without it.
Again deklared in the most positifi
terms ''that did not want the work. u
At this point the stranger seated him
self in chair, and deliberately drew
the book in question out Ov his satchel,
and informed me that no gentleman to
whom he had offered it had failed to
subscribe.
Growing desperate deklared in the
most emfatik tone ''that 1 would not
hev the book at any price,"
Rising from his chair he took oph his
overcoat, and, throwing it carelessly on
the sofa. struck an attitude, and for ten
minutes gave the most glowing akount
ov the blood and the anatomy ov man
that ever listened to.
az once more assured him, in be-
seeching manner, ''that did not want
the book"
Seating himself again in the chair
and wiping the drops ov perspirashun
from his brow, he went back to the days
ov Adam and Eve, and for half an hour
talked ez no man ever talked before on
the various diseases the human sistem
was subiekt to, closing up with a vivid
recital Ov the circulashun of the blood.
Again insisted upon it that the book
would be ov no use to me and that
would not hev it.
Springing from his seat with his book
in his hand, and his eyes flashing fire,
and his whole mannt r intense, he began
to sho me its kontents, commencing at
the title-page.
/ saw at last that it was wuss than
madness to resist any longer, so sub
scribed for the book, consoling miself
with the refiecshun that il ever had a
book to sell miself, would hev it sold
by subskripshun.
The more think Ov it am delited
with the pious suffering of the book
canvasser.
He is a man whom yu kant eskape any
more than yu kan your own shaddo, he
follows his victim like ghost and
hangs around him grinning like an un-
dertaker.
The only way tn git rid ov him is tn
subscribe at once, and let him go for
the next phellow.
The shaving-sope man, and the life
insurance agent are very good in their
way, but they don't kompars with the
book-canvasser for lively work any more
than the pensive cockroach doz to the
red-hot muskeeto.
They steal on yu like a kat on 8
mouse when yu amt looking for 'em,
and, like the fly in the spiders web, the
more yu try tn git out the further yu
get in.
/ luv the book-canvasser now, hiz
words are like hunny in the comb. and
his logic IL like sweet lie, and tho he
may sell me a book don't want, and
wont have, there is real phun in the
way that he duz it.
Isubskribe now, at least once a year.
for some kind ov a book, that i never
look into, with title to it as long as
the tail ov kat, just because the book
canvasser IL SO polite and SO utterly
impossible to get rid ov.