The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-01-21
SCRAPS.
An imaginary quantity-A lat

An imaginary quantity-A lady's
age.
Now is the time to look a gift
horse in the mouth.
He that would walk uprightly
must beware of coal-hole covers.
American literature is about to
be enriched by the addition of a
history Of Oshkosh.
Do not run in debt to the shoe
maker; it IS unpleasant to be una
Bile to say your sole is your own
A Georgia convict was hanged
recently for killing the wrong man.
The light one witnessed the cere-
mony.
A minister walked six miles to
marry couple lately. He said he
felt sort of fee-bill like. The groom
saw it.
The English are sorry that the
Spaniards are killing each other in
civil war-it makes oranges so
scarce in Englank.
A circus elephant, wintering at
Louisville, is on the watch for the
man who tossed him an apple full
of catarrh snuff.
"A chiropodist announces on his
business cards that he has removed
icorns from several of the crowned
heads of Europe"
A halter in Terre Haute, Wis,
has a bundle of old unpaid bills
shung up in his store labelled, 'The
reason why I don't give credit"
A rural editor, describing an as
sault, said: 'Liseum was knocked
sensible" The editor was evident
'ly never struck that way.
Jones, being told that he looked
seedy, aud asked what business he
was in, replied, "The hard wear
.business-look at my wardrobe"
A Maine justice vindicated the
dignity of the law by sending a
newspaper editor to prison for call
ing him "muddle-h headed manni-
kim"
!"Owing to the absence of the
editor, this weeks issue will be
found unusually spicy,'' says the
Office devil of the Creston Times,
WOO was leftin charge for week.
The Washington grave-robber
reioices in the name of Christian.
TT he had only affixed statesman to
his surname the public wouldn't
have been so surprised.
ssOwing to John Robinson's cir
Gus being in town, the regular
Thursday evening prayer meeting
has been postponed" said a'tecent
number OF the Enterprise, Dallas,
Texas $. -. .,.. ..'.:
A Southern editor announces
his intention OF securing a'hall, if
one of sufficient dimensions can be
found, ,2for the purpose Of holding al
convention of the authors of "Beau-
tiful Snow ,.'.'" ''~ !:
Somebody in a Georgia court
ssapplauded," = whereupon, 49, the
Judge I'VE quote from the Griffin
News Indignantly remarked, "Now
dry up; I will let you know that
this is no camp-rneetlng.' 90 '""
Through trials and troubles we
must all pass on our way to the
grave. Nv. Perfect, the colored
man who was hung at Joliet, ILL.,,
had an unusual share of trials
three in two years, and conviction
every time. 80 c.
A fellow, who is nearly as big a
bore as the Hoosac tunnel, was tell
ing in ourSftice the other day Of
song that always carried him away.
Quadrat; looking around, gently
inquired if any one present could
sing that song. '"' - '' ;'''''.
=. Nevada paper says: "The many
friends of Bill Thompson will re-
gret to hear that he has been hashed
up by catamount to-day, on Nix
on's hill, while lying in wait to
shoot Chinaman. This was always
a world of disappointment" 81"
" Over the shop-door of pork
butcher, in an English village in
the eastern counties, may be seen a
sign-board representing man in a
black coat, brandishing a hatchet,
with the inscription, "John Smith
kills pigs like his father '''
A young lady from Georgetown
came to the city the other day to
have her picture taken. When the
artist showed her the "proof' ard
asked her how She liked it, she
placidly remarked that he s'put too
darned much mouth on it to suit
her. ,:T''' = -" . ,
A Troy editor took his wife to
VII 4l>o otbor 1ny Tho :