Omaha daily bee., 1874-07-02

These "dog days" are very warm.
havn,t seen q mad dog, but we
hear the reverse of it frequently.
Family physicians are carefully
noting the promising state OF the
green apple crop.
This is given as a Delaware obit-
nary: "His hat wasn't always
cooked over his left ear, but he
didn't owe q butcher In the town.
.sThou rainest in this BOSOM" as
the chap said when a basin of water
was thrown over him by the lady
he was serenading. q
A Leavenworth paper notes the
death of a man of "thlrty-ive years
standing" Chairs must be scarce
out there.
"Change cars" is what a city
bootblack said to a countryman the
other day, when he had finished
backing one of his brogans.
A Detroit father keeps his boy in
nip,Its by vanishing q chair and
fitting him down. It's q novel plan,
but awful tough on the trousers.
A Detroit boy propounds the aw-
full theory: (which had you rather
do, be eaten up by q tiger, or have
all the maple sugar you can swai-
Ter ?"
The last Congress is triumphantly
pointed to as one in which there
were very few jobs. Well admit
it, provided Jobs is spelt with a cap
ital J..
1t is pleasant to remember that
Thomas Jefferson was q famous nd
der. but it is sad to think what
trouble the Democracy have now In
dancing to his music.
Augustus Leonard dressed uplike
an Indian, and descended on the
cabin of a Missouri family for fun.
They kept the body on ice for three
DAYS for his father to come.
Rochef0rt, in four words, gives
all the evidence needed to prove
that first-class American hotels are
the best in the world. He says,
~ wasn't bitten once.
"Beg pardon, sir" said a colored
waiter to a stranger at Lake Geneva
hotel, the other day, ''but Mr.. Chit
tenden am individually obtained
with a transum guest in the excep-
ton rOOm."
AnSAlbany man who wasdemon-
strating to a crowd that there was
no such thing as hydrophobia, was
the first to shin up q BARRIERS pole
when a small yellow dog came rush.
ing down the street.
If a reservoir should burst up In
Vermont and carry away ten or q
dozen Republican candidates for
Governor, there wouldstill he enough
left for three or four similar disas-
ters.-B0stOn Post.
A stroke of lightning made a
LeavenwOrth women dumb, recent
ty, and now husbands in that vici-
nifty want to move farther west.
They have heard that lightning
never strikes twice in the same
place.
The collecting of an Infamous
dog-tax has compelled a poor man
in Sangamon, Illinois, to take his
children out of school that they may
go to work and earn money to pay
the laws exactions.
Harrisburg, Pa, is again COM
planning of the scarcity of water.
The male residents, to be sure, can
got along well enough without it,
but rs they remark, women and
children want something to wash
In occasionally.
A man named Weston was e
Gently killed by lightning in Vir-
ginia. BUTT appears the lightning
did not hit the right man by a long
rod, for it struck an innocent(p per
son while the pedestrian was in
another State training for his next
failure.
Kansas City isn't q good place for
a young man to learn to fiddle in.
After the third or fourth night, he
is invited to walk beside t. e pUrling
river, and the next thing een of
him some coroner Is purling his
body out for an inquest.
Terre Haute Express: "Gimme 3
cents worth of ginger-pop and a
nickel's worth of ginger bread"
exclaimed a rural rooster from Lost
Creek, yesterday, as he rushed into
a confectionery. dad died last
week, and since I've come into my
fortune, Pm kinder reckless.n
Says an Arizona paper: "Small-
pox need not be feared here-it
wont come here. The gnats and
mosquitoes are occupying the entire
ground, and are now working 1t Wig
orously, and under the mining law
extension, no re-lOcations can be
made before winter"
Miss Saltgiver, of Crawford coun-
ty, Kentucky, would be q fashiona-
BILE Nero If she lad a fiddle. awhile
her father was absent investigating
q little transaction of hers, where
she attempted to get some dry goods
under false pretenses, she set fire to
the house and cooperage shop and
sang while they burned.
Two hundred and fifty dollars will
be offered at the next Georgia State
fair for the man who will produce
the best living for a family of. eight
persons on the smallest number of
acres. Aud this leads the Louis
vile CoUrier-Journdl to den6unce
the offer as an open, direct, and
most infamous attempt on the part
of the State fair to bride some poor
Georgian to starve his wife and six
children to DEATH.
"How do you do, Mr.. Jones?"
said a stranger, blandly smiling as
he entered the store of dealer.
"Well, thank you," stifiy rejoined
Mr.. Jones. "You don't seem to
know me; l am Brown-used to
live here" said the visitor. ~ beg
ten thousand pardons, Mr.. Brown"
said Jones, relaxing and shaking
hands cordially; "excuse me, /
thought you were = drummer. $50
1 am,n said Brown. Tableau vi