The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1874-08-05

Chicago papers say Divorce Suits. Well, it
seems to do SO IN that meridian.
So many pistols have gone off, recently that
human life ought TO be comparatively secure
now.
The Boston Post says that "Tfchborne has lost
ffty-six pounds" Which? Sterling or avoirdu-
pois2
And now it transpires that the real inventor
Of the needle-gun Is an American, and bis uame
is-Smith.
There is laughter in Chicago because st.
Louis detective went there and had his pockets
picked on a horse car.
In Adrian, Mich, the soldiers graves were
robbed Of their floral decorations. q So sleep the
brave who sink to rest"
kissing your sweetheart" says a triAing
young man, is like eating soup with a fork it
takes a long time to get enough.
Newark has organized and will open iu oc-
tober a female club for young women who
have no pleasant place TO spend their evenings"
It is suggested in an English paper that smok-
ing be allowed during the divine service, as a
means Of increasing the attendance at church."
This is the way the Boston Ad1ertissr profane-
" treats May-day: May y-day Made A-Cad-
mus; Maid. eh Joan of Arc; Made hay
Maud Muller"
What kind of sassages is them ?" queried
an old lady of fhe young man of literature and
peanuts, as he passed through the train selling
bananas.
An organ-grnder says he dosen't understand
how any cultured musical mind can object TO
selections from Handel-if 1t does turn with a
crank
An amateur farmer wonders why on all this
far earth the ground is spread bottom side up,
so that it must be turned over with plOw before
crops can be raised"
Collins Graves, who rode so fast down ths Mill
River Valley to warn the people of approaching
danger, is said 10 be the first milkman who ever
ran away from water.
A gentleman late one evening met his servant
Hello where are you going at this time of
night? for no good, warrant" " l was going
for you sir" was the reply.
A charitable man keeps pair of dogs chained
at his front door, SO that people who stOpt to get
a bite" can be accommodated without taking the
trouble to 60 into the house.
Punchs receipt for the preservation Of furs is
excellent: Poll out all the hairs with tweezers,
and varnish the skin. In the spring remove the
varnish and carefully stick all the hairs in their
old places"
St. Louis papers record the death of young
child, who ate some concentrated lye." 1t was
very culpable 10 the child's mother to leave the
city journals around IN so careless manner.
Tmrty-two members of Polish congregation
at winona, Mimi, refused to pay their pew rents
because the minister had referred to them in his
pulpit MS empty heads" They are now defend
ants in a suit in which the preacher is plaintiff.
A mysterious rumOr having been started by the
Cowier-Jeunal that certain Kentucky editor
is " a careful and constant reader of Boccaccio's
Deoameron," the rest of the Southern press is
dispuiing whether it is religious or political
work.
The Detroit Free Press tells Of a country edi-
tor in Michigan who some time ago entered a cir
Gus at the head Of procession of twenty-nine
persons. all dead.heads, and the C0arisr-,Jow
thinks be must have felt that it was the proud
est day Of his hfe."
The st. Louis Globe says " II we are toijudge
by the New York Heuids cable special distin-
ruished reception was given to Stanley at West
Minister Abbey last Saturday. advantage of which
was taken BY the executors Of medical man
named Livingstone to inter his remains"
First Ruffsn-" wot was l hup for, and wot
ave got2 WE'LL l foord woman and took
her watch. and I've got two years and hogging."
Second Rufian-" All, ! flung woman ont Of
The top-aoor window, an I've only got three
months" First Ruffan-@ All, but then she
was yer wife,"
A couple Of facetious drummers who were on
train Of cars that was going very slowly up q
.harp grade near Burlington, Vt, the other day
made considerable fan Of the conductor for the
;lowness with wb1h the cars we're moving. and
began to amuse themselves by jumping of from
he rear car and running around the train. Soon,
however, the train reached the top oil the bill
ind commenced to spin of at rapid rate One Of
he men succeeded 10 jumping on, but the other
vas pitched heels over head down bank, bis
nat going one way and his cigar the other, and
he was obliged to walk four miles to the next