Arizona weekly miner., 1874-06-05
JOHNS JOKES.
HE MEETS VERT ECCENTRIC PEOPLE IN
 CALIFORNIA.
Correspondence New York Sum-

fornia. For instance, saw fellow with an aw ful gun, and interrogated him what his gun hat such huge bore for, and he told me "t was tt carry bis dog in, so the game wouldn't see him.
 temperance man out here disinherited h daughter because she married a man by the Dam' of Todd; he was bound his money shouldn't bt used for her little Todds l met a warm friend of mine. I call him warm friend because his name is Cook.
 Says l, Where are you going?
 Says he, Going fishing
 Says l, Whats that bottle for "
 Says he, That's my reel
 thought his remarks were appropos, for there is good deal of reel in bottle of whiskey.
 TANNING OUT.
 Out here in California, instead of asking, How you are getting along ? they say, How do you pan out" 'PegEing out is of cribbage origin but "panuing out" is pure California.
 interviewed queer case yesterday. Meas ured by thermometer, his forehead was iu height about ten degrees above zero. To make his counteDance more noble, he'd shaved the hair of his forehead about an inch, and the stubble was quite conspicuous.
 Says I, Handy, ain't it?
 Says he, 'What?'
 Says 1, Good as sand paper
 Says he, What do you mean, stranger 2
 Says l, That spot on your brow
 Says he, Good as sand paper; for what!"
 Says l. TO strike matches
 He was disgusted. I told him if be was dis gusted, he ought to take something for it it was nothing when he got used to it it was very common complaint. had it once, when told my Thursday out girl how to boil eggs
 Says 1, Mary, an egg to suit me must be boiled just two minutes, and you may boil me six this morning.
 That girl did boil 'em, and broke the crust on 'ein, and they were so hard that if they had been slot out of gun they would have gone clean through an elephant. expostulated with Mary. Says l, "Mary, how long did you boil those eggsg
 Says she, Just twelve minutes by the clock Says l, Didn't tell you that an egg to suit me must be boiled just two minutesg
 Says sue. Yes; and ain't there six of lem, sure? aud be gorra if twelve minutes ant two minutes to an egg its meself that can't count straight at all at all
 told Mary sbe could put on her sun bonnet and take vacation. When 1 wanted her would send for her. That was ten years ago; haven't sent for her yet. The next girl l had gave the same directions to. When she made mistake one morning and boiled em hard she swore she only boiled 'em two minutes. l asked her how they came to boil hard in two minutes She said the clock ran slow. This kind of talk pleased my companion, and he told me he was one of the Huguenot's of 1S49.
 Says I, "I guess you mean Argonauts, don't you"
 Says he, "Yes, and, stranger what is an Argo- naut, anyhow"
 TOUGH STORIES.
 Then told him how the real genuine Jacobs Argonaut was one of the chaps who sailed 10 Cochis with Jason in the Argo in quest of the golden fleece. He said he thought that was it, and he'd been ieeced ever since he'd been here. When he asked me who Jason was 1 told him we'd conversed enough on that subject.
 We then had some talk about miracles, and he remarked, That those people crossing the Red Sea never struck him as much of a miracle Then he related the following:
 Says he, new fellow in the States once, old Bill Smith he was the worst old beat you ever saw. He'd chase mosquito eight miles with a pair of lemon squeezers if he thought he could get one cent for the oil. He got married tick, and has slept on tick ever since. He mean that once when he got cent in his pocket, to keep his wife fram getting it, he made his oldest boy swallow it, and that boy was a copperhead all through the war. Bill was going down the Mississippi on a steamboat. When the collection was being taken up, he got out on the guard to hide and he fell overheard. The water was a hundred feet deep and two mile wide, and the best water to drown a man in I ever saw. Bill couldn't swim stroke, but, stranger, he got out. Says l, Howl?
 Says he, He just took and walked straight ashore.'
 Says I, How could he walk ashore in water 100 feet deep?'
 Says he, Stranger, do you want to know very bad ?
 Says I, Yes, do, real bad
 Says he, Well, stranger, that Bill Smith was such big sponge he just soaked all the water up, and then walked right ashore.
 How doth the little crocodile
 Improve his shining tail,