The enquirer southerner., 1874-11-13
The Man VINO Lives Up Stairs.


The man who lives up stairs has
much for which he will have to give
an account, either in this world, or
when he shall have passed the por-
tails of the Great Unknown.
We are not of revengeful dis
position !; therefore harbor no feel
lngs Of malice towards him; al-
though at times, our physical or
ganization has been racked with
untold agony at his peculiar demon>
strations.
We have endured all with meek
ness, realizing that in the far be-
yond a season of rest awaits US,
where we shall evermore be free
from the tantarara of an upstairs of
tenant.
Precisely at five in the morning
his alarm clock beats a devils
tattoo, rousing US from refreshing
slumber to become an unwilling lis
tener to the variety of sounds i'm
mediately following. After a des-
perate wrangle with his stove, be
succeeds in removing the clinkers
and ashes then with a broad>axe,
or beetle and wedge, he manufac-
lures sufficient quantity Of kind.
ling, starts the fire, drops three or
four stove-lids on the floor, drums
on the stove>pipe with the poker,
then at the expiration Of twenty
minutes, frantically vociforates
Come, Maria, tea>kettle's
bilin' !'
Instantly there is a frightful
groane from the bedstead overhead,
as "Maria with a heroic spring
leaps therefrom and alights on the
floor with jar that shakes the
house to its foundation and causes
the windows to rattle with sudden
terror.
We have borne with much that
is annoying, and are willing to en-
dure generous share of this worlds
racket !; but, when regularly every
week the up-stairs>man brings home
a quart of walnuts and cracks them
on a nail head in the floor, driving
bits ofplastering into our hair and
eyes, and racking our nervous Sis
tenn with pangs unutterable, our
Indignation rises and we start to
our feet with fixed determination
to visit the man above and demand
a cessation of the uncomfortable nut
whanging.
Once we ascended to his eyrie,
and with liVid countenance was
about 70 annihilate him with a
burst of wrath but at the sight of
his huge frame our couraged COLI
lapsed, and we could only exclaim {:
" There is skunk trying to get
into your bencoop.'
He thanked US for our trouble,
offered US some walnuts-which we
politely declined. Then, after a
cordial invitation to call again, We
bade him adieu; and sought the
seclution of a ten~acre lot, where
we vented our spleen by indulging
in a few emphatic remarks concern
ing our pusillanimity.
About the time we generally re,
tire to our innocent couch, our up
stairs neighbor descends to his cel>
lar and makes vigorous assault on
an empty barrel, which, after an
indefinite number of sledge~hamo
mer blows, is reduced to the con-
sistency ofkindlings. Every night
he repeats the operation, and ou1
ears flap with disgust and pent-up
anger.
One day we vowed to out gencr,
al our barrel-smasher. We ascer.
tanned where he got the barrels
then went and engaged all that the
concern had and was likely tt
have for the next three months
The result was, that in less thar
three weeks every available space
on our premises was filled high with
wooden ware. We felt that we haC
triumphed over the upstairs man
for he hadn't smashed barre
since we made a contract for them
But what to do with the barrel
was the question. We had no u.s.
for them, and our ground was rap
idly filling up with them-in fact
/ they had become a nuisance. TIL
milkman had stumbled over then
, and wasted a can of his lactea
merchandise, the upstairs man
wife had torn her dresses by gettin,
} them caught in the sharp slaves an,
: protruding nails. 4 number pile
against the fence had fallen upon