, 1874-05-10
Rusl0R.

Question for naval ezamination.-O. Ca
! you give any other name for q ships cukwater
a Yes. A sea-saw.
"A pugilistic Irishnan in England, ber
bound oreE to keep the peace on ali British sui
jects remarked: ''Ths saints help the first To-
ciCncr meet"
u. t.,u "A Georgia paper promises to publish
mako al Ost Of it.
"A French cook.-Cook-"I shall want n
rcaliy can't navo that" Cook (with deciaionj J.
French lessousl"
The milwaukee Sentinel thinks tho WORE
featuro about tho cremation business is tha
Boue winter morning. in Q it OF philanthropy
your Widows second husband may empty YOU
ashes on tha icy pavement for the benefit O
pedestrians.
"A terptng inducement--Checrful aeen
| Tor life assurance company: "The ad7aaiae
policy either by being hanged or by commttin,
suicide! Pray take 3 prospectus"
| -Ma Maddenlng-Husbaud: I'll, as said BE-
fore, Matilda, you ehu cherish that feeling O
affection for me which you once professed. M
Law!" Matilda: "Lor!"
Il lawyer in Bucyrus, Ohio, stated at 4 tem
perance meeting that, having seen his fatha1
! killed by the carelessuess OF drunken man, 4t
! took solemn oath never to drink again, "Since
! that oath, at least not very much-'
a nteral.mlnded youngster was picked up By
visitor Of tho family, who, dandling him On bis
| knee, said: II wish I had this little bov;
think there's money 10 him." TO which prompt
II responded the child: ~ know thore is, for I
swallowed = ceut rhen WAS at grandna's the
other rday."-HdTtford Posi-
IA Ne" York grl got mad at her Kansas lover
and expressed him 100 lovo-letters. sbo rot
pleased again next day, and te1eg1anhed him to
return the letters at her expense.
"A Pennsylvania wife has been cutting of
her husbands ears because he was iueolcnt.
Bnt, as one Of our exchanges remarked = few
days since, Man wants but little ear below
The No1ristown Herald says: 4 loving wife
In Bridgeport WANTS divorce. She recently
found pieces OF ostrich plume in her husbands
beard Ut an entirely different shade from that
Cn her own hat. He explained that btts of
ostrich feather sprinkled on the beard is the
very latest styla in New York, and it il not hIg
fault that tha SHADE ia different from her own
a friend at oar elbow says ha thinks it fust
as ieprehensiblo for women to get tight bv
lacins Gs 1or men to get tight By whisky. Both
iniure tho system. Well, it's mono OF our par
ticular business any way. Men generally get
tight cause its pleasant, and women get tight
colse.s nice.-0hio State Journal
"A Connecticut lady remained too long on "A
train to kiss female friends tho other day, and.
trying to get oil after it had started, was thrown
on hor faeo. n ever I kiss anybody arain u
6Ao BALL EcttubG4ully, ~ 6u9 REOKe, any NpQnD.
at least. she added, shoughttully, " then it viii
DO when I an crazy"
-" While journe5ing by rail-" says traveller,
Il witnessed the following incident: One
night, jus: after had scrambled into my Sleep
ing berth, l henrd loud and angry vo:ces pro-
ceed1ng from the rear Of tho car. T tell Won
this is sleepAa8-caE. and you can't come in
without ticxee.7 sBegorra had tioket'
Where is it?' i've lost it, II YOU real]v
had the misfortune 10 lose your ticket, perhaps
yoa can remember youE berth?' There was IN
interval Of silence, Paddy evidently employing
his thinking powers. Och, be jabers!' he az
Claimed At length. was born on the 2eth day
Of October, 1876"
About II o'clock one night policeman met |
negro carrying a trunk along tho street, and,
!hs negro md told him to drop that trunk and !
explain. - / kin do 1t, sah." replied tho stran
ger, Is he cut tho trunk down. .sDe family |
what was boarding me has been axinS for MONEY.
md as dey was gtEyne out to-nighs. / thought
I'd cit into some family whar dog respected de
oanIc." He was allowed to so on.
IL Partisan, who was known frce-thtnk-
II, met Pazisian friend the other day, and. I
aEing him by tho hand. said, " have become
Christian" II am glad to hear it." be re-
hat little account between Us. Pay me what
hou owest,' a. No, said the newborn child. J.
urnlnG on bis heel :" religion is religion, and
usiness is business"
a little fellow, or years old. rho had
oeu wearing underslIirts much too small for
in, was one day, after having been washed. put
lto garment As much too largo as rhe others |
ad been too email. Our six-year- old shrueged
is shoulders. shook himself, walked around,
nd finally burst out with: Ma! do feel aw-
II lonesome in this shirt"
IA few years aSo hungry crowd sat down at
lc Widespread supper-tabie OF sound-steamer. |
pon which ona OF the dishes contained q front
moderate size. serious-looking individual
:sv this dish toward him, saying: APOLOGIZE :
lily, This is a fast-dny with me-" His next
eighbor, Ed Irish gentleman, Immediately in .
'ctea his fork into the dsl and transferred it TO
s own plsto, ronaarking: Str. do you suppose {
'body hns sowl to be saved but yoursen?"
"A County Clerk in rural town had net | =
II, Which 10 was training mp in tho WAYS of an {
:. The calf walked around very pecceably un- {
IT QUO end Of the yoke, while Alr. CLARK held | i
} the other end. But III An unfortunate mo-
cut the man conceived tue idea Of putting bis S
n neck in the yoke. to let the calf Sec how it | =
ould seem to work with q partner; this '
ghtenel The calf aud, elorating bis tail aud and c
3 yoice. he struck 4 dead run" for tue vii G
20. and Mr. Clark went along with bis bead +
rn and his plug hat in his hand. straining b
cry nerve to Keep up, and CRYING ont at tho +
p OF hi8 voice, " Here no come! blast our fool q
uls Head Us. somebody!'' t.
AT recent Sunday -Fchool seryicein promi- t.
Mt church in New Haven, the Rector vaa F
nstrating tho necessity Of Christian profess
u, in ordeE properly to enjoy the blessings Of
evidence in this world, aud to make it appa-
1t to tho youthful mind, the Rector sud
:or instance, I rant to introduce water into II
house. I havo it pumped. The Pipes and Il
1ccta ard every conveniopca a-o in good ! it
Ter. but get no water. Can any Of you tell &c
whv did not get vator7" He expected the
ldren to sao that it Was because he had not
de connection With the main in the street. E
o boys looked perp1e.ed. They could not sec hi
y tho water should refuse TO run into hls in
:mises after such fanltless plumbing. "Cau
one tell me what have neglected. I" reiter- to
d the good Rector, looking orer the flock OF til
adering faces. bowed down By the weight OF ! te
problem. II KNOW" squeakcd out little
eur old. "yoa don't pay!" ch
-His ishlanders have tho habit, when talking p
ir English. such as it ia, OF interjecsing the at
sona1 pronoun he" uhera not required, ! Ct
h as "Tha King he has conae,'' instead Of 20
he King las come" Often, in consequence. de
entence or expression il rendered sufficiently mt
lcrou5, as tho sequel |ill SHOW. gsntlo- to
: sa7s he had the pleasure Of listening to = Bu
'er man, the Rev III. -. let his ll1aiiit7 be ha
.cret, and recently ho began his discourse col
3: my flicnds, you will find tho fol
ject Of discourse this afternoon in the TIL
Epit tie general Of the APOSTLE Peter, tn:
pte1 and yersa 8, in tho words, The tel
ii he goe:h about Ike roaring lion, ist
ling whom he may ds7o1z.' Nor, my friends,
your leave, re will divide the subject OF | m
tezt to-day into four heads: Fl1Etly, NO aa
] ende.vor to ascertain Hho the Dcru ha ! mi