The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-09-18
General Notes.

"The cause OF woman suffrage,
city of husbands.
A fashionable lady says her husband
is the latest thing out
Chicago has sixty banks, but some Of
'em do their business after sunset.
A spectacular drama, founded on
Webster's Dictionary, unabridged, is in
course ofprepartion.
This is sad. A Louisiana minister says
he won't change his shirt till this Beech
er business is settled.
At JEWELS Hartford reception the
Horse Guards were appropriately pre-
ceeded by Colts Band.
Say no more about Europe. She is
taking care of Joaquin Miller, Josie
Mansfield, Genet, and two American
baseball clubs.
A darkey's Instructions for putting on
coat were, "First de right arm, den de
left and den give one general conwul-
sion"
One good trait in Brooklyn young la
dies is, that they don't dare to "sass"
their parents much before the age Of
thirteen OF fourteen years.
A New Hampshire woman, when dy-
ing, made her husband swear on the BIZ
bic that he would never marry a woman
with a sharp nose.
Junius Henri Browne, called the dead
"The silent majority" That is very
fine thought, and now let Junius stop
parting his name in the middle.
When young man who parts his hair
in the middle goes down on an orange
peel, nobody seems to care wether he ev-
er gets up again or not.
A Boston court has decided that IL 3
woman lends money to her husband she
cannot get it back. The decision will
not be new to many wives.
The success Of Josh Billings ia cxcep-
tional. There are thousands Of young
men who know not how 10 spell, and
yet they are not worth s25O,OOO.
There are now four competitors for
the title Of Nathan murderer. These
parties should be hung upon their own
confession and give others a chance.
An honest old farmer, on being in
formed the other day that one Of his
neighbors owed him a grudge, growled
out, "No matter; he never pays any
thing"
Nothing appeals more to the esympath-
les of kind hearted person than the
spectacle Of starved dog, sitting on the
ragged edge Of anxiety waiting for 2
bone.
"Thou rainest in this bosom" was the
remark Of a Lothario when his fair one
threw a basin Of water over him for
"cater-wauling" under her chamber
window.
A Minnesota minister who said that
the grasshoppers were plague sent to
punish the grangers, is coming east 10
find another pulpit. They couldn't be-
lieve him.
What small boy does not envy the
nerve Of the portly man who enters
church, takes out a big handkerchief and
deliberately blows his nose three times
before sitting down?
A gentleman who landed from an Erie
express train attracted universal atten-
ton by the magnifcence Of his diamond
breastpin. lie was supposed TO be a
hackman from Niagara Falls.
"Write me while I am away" said
Jones to Mrs. Jones, afteran aheetiounte
goodbye. "Treacherous man! meditat-
ed the lady. "Noton letter does he get
lie wants to sell them to one Of those
Western papers.
An Eastern debating society is trying
to settle which is the hardest to keep, q
diary or an umbrella.
The statistical editor Of the Times,
Grand Island, Neb., says O,OO0,O 900 ,OOO,-
OOO, 900, ,OO0, 900, 900, 600, 900 grasshop-
pers, Mt least, passed over here yesterday.
uefS AnAElh nave httiA "a lNW AANAa va
less, as we did not count very closely.
"I should like 'Courtslip and Mar
riage,' and The Best Of Husbands"
seid pretty girl, tripping into Broad
way bookstore. 81 think / can Gil that
bill, Miss" replied the dapper young
salesman. "IIave you Ten thousand
yearP"
A Church Of England elergymun
knocked his sister down and sat on her.
This is all the information that reaches
us. but If che had the spirit Of woman
(and any pins) in her bosom, he won't be
able to sit on anything else for a goodly
period.
A very fat man, for the purpose Of
quizzing his doctor, asked him to pre-
scribe for complaint, which he declar-
cd was sleeping with his mouth open.
"Sir," said the doctor, "your disease T.
incurable. Your skin Is too short, 50
that when you shut your eyes your
mouth opens"
Susan r.
Sat on the knee
OfT.T.
Naughty Bessie came and poeled-
Susan b. ran of and shrieked-
This giddy, giggling Susan b.