Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-04-08
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

earn our living and don't want to be
compelled to urn our dead.
HE captain remarks that steerage
passengers ought to be very well behav-
eel, they have so much deck DER 'em.
TEMPERANCE GENT (to intoxicated
barber Bad thing for shaving, whis
KY. Barber: c. Yes, sab. It makes the
SKIN KIND OF tender but I will take
great care, sah." "'u.
That was graphic bit of description
by Western man, who, on looking out
upon the country the morning after
snow storm, said that it appeared as if
nature had put on clean shirt.
Many children are raised with the
bottle, but many more deserve to be
raised with the boot" remarked Quiz,
on discovering that his landladys hope
full had been shaving the cat with his
new razor.
Brown has failed.'
Jones" Has he, indeed Well, I'm
glad OF 1t. He has worked hard for O.
good many years, and it's time he began
to lay Off and take things easy. I sup
pose he will set up a carriage now, won't
hep
OUR penal laws are sadly deficient if
they provide no remedy for an eating
house keeper against the fend in human
form who evinces his enmity to his kind
by scratching the label off tomato bot
tie, leaving it to read, in it's mutilated
form, thus "Tom*** Cats**.'
"BRoTHEE BEECHER, said the veneer
able DR.. Bacon, laying his hand On the
great preachers shoulder, "Brother
Beecher fear the Devil whispered in
our ear just now, that this. was very
fine lecture" ooh, no. replied Mr..
Beecher, she left that for you to do.
Fun represents an imaginative under
graduate as aching for leave of absence
to attend his uncle's funeral. every
well, y replies the president "you may
go-you may go-but I wish it was a
nearer relative"
WHAT do you feed to your pig?"
asked a neighbor of a Mayanunker, who
bought such an animal last November.
Corn" he said. ''Do you feed it in
the ear? ''Do you think / am fool ?'
said the Mayanunker, sarcastically.
WHAT can a man think of his wife's
as to write: 81 don't like relations:
you are obliged to be familiar with a
man just because he happens to be son
OF the same father as your father"
An Irishman was directed by lady
OF Large size to secure and pay for two
seats in the stage, as she wanted COM
Portable room in riding. The fellow re-
turned and said, GIVE paid for two
seats, as you told me to; but as I could
not get but one for the inside of the
coach, took the t'other for the out
side"
THEY have good joke on DR.. Egan,
OF Chicago. He is a great land operator,
as well as most successful physician.
The doctor prescribed some pills for
lady She asked how they were to be
taken. "A quarter down." said the
doctor, "and the balance in one, two.
and three years. " s.. a. h.g3s. az
The woman of the coming time
Shall man to vote appoint herr 1s'
| Well, yes Or no. your bottom dime z--
| Shell do as she's minter.
| & We know she WILL or else she won't;
| Twill be the same as now;
And if she does, or if she don't, -.@A.5
God bless her, anyhow. .r,.....s
A kENTUCKY farmer refused to look
at sample sewing machine, not long
ago, as he always "sowed wheat by
hand. " He is related to the man who
did not want threshing machine on
his farm, "for," said he, "give me
harness tug or barrel stave, and I can
make my family toe the mark according
to the law andScripter. y .~. a..e
| H vrboro Il; ro,, o.o+ +1,o,,o 4,o,,
sers a. asked an Irishman of man who
happened tobe passing with pair of re-
markedly short trousers on. 81 got
them where they grew" was the indig-
nant reply. Then, by my conscience,
said Paddy, you've pulled them year
too soon p
THERE is nothing so tends to shorten
the lives of old people and to iniure
their health as the practice of setting
up late, especially winter evenings.
This is especially the case when there is
grown-up daughter in the family. We
publish this item at the earnest request
OF several young men. al
OLD Bill Lane, of st. Adams, Vt,
was accustomed to insert into his manly
1 form much alcoholic fluid. On Satur-
| day night he was asked how much rum
1t took to last him over Sunday. He
replied that he could do very well on a
pint, but to keep Sunday as 1T ought to
be kept he wanted quart.
AT a juvenile party, young gentle
man, about seven years old, kept him.
self aloof from the rest of the company.
The lady of the house called to him,
Come and play and dance, my dear.
Choose one of those pretty girls for
your wife" "Not ikely!" cried the
young cynic. "No wife for me Do
you think l want to be worried. out of
my life like poor papa %
A VIRGINIA railroad was made to paw
$25 for killing rooster. The engineer
said he spoke to the gentleman with the
whistle as kindly as possible, but when
the fellow. dropped one wing on the
ground, raised his good eye heavenward.
and commenced whetting his spur on
the rail, forbearance ceased to be viz
tue, and he lit into him with thirteen