The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1874-12-03


Two heads are better than one--ss-
peci&lIg in barrel.
THE bump of destructiveli ess-A
railway collision. "
DoN'T throw dust in your teachers
eyes. It will only injure the pupil.
THE prayer of an ofice-sseker-,
ooh hail were an event, thstI might
take place - =
THERE sre various stations in life,
but the least desirable is1he police
station.
WHAT is tbs dihereace- between 8
wise mas and a sziloF ? One is a far
seeing man and the other q sea-faFing
man. = @ = A@s a -
An exchange wants to know If a
1oYer can be called q 'suiter" when he
5 don't suit her.
BALTMoRA girls are more beautiful
than Chicago girls, but Chicago girla
3 are fonder of chewing gum.
A DARKEY preacher lining out .
hymn from memory said:
Plunged in q gulf dark despairs
Ycwretched sinners-eOnse out Of ldasi
AT what hour did the Devil make
his appearance in the Garden of Eden
Some say in the night He certainly
came after Eve.
THE silent reserved man in social
gathering il he whose mouth il full of
tobacco juice and no spittoons are
handy.
A BesToN paper says: 'Cheap and
hungry dances" are Vermont insti-
tuition. There are no refreshments,
and the fun stops at Il o'clock. ~ :
A FEMALE doctor, dressed in bloom
.ers, was chased out of jamestown,
Penn, the other day, not so much on
high moral grounds as because she
wore No, 9 boots.
A cLERGYMAN at Paris, KY, stopped
his prayer to lead an unruly man out
by the ear, and went on: CAS- was
saying, O Lord"
THERE is wide difference between
battle-scarred and battle-scared vet
erans, although the latter generally
claim ali the honors after a fight
Nsa
'tMR. JONES, you said you were con-
nected with the fine arts. Do ysu
mean that you are sculptor?" No..
sir, don't scuIp myself; but furnish
the stone to the man that does"
THE highest prize in a Chinese lot
terry is twenty cents, and the man
who draws it has his name in the pa
pers, and is looked upon as heap of
fellow.
Rev. Mr.. CANDoR, of Philadelphia,
announces: "Let us continue our wor-
ship by listening to a piece of sheet
music performed by the operate quar-
tette, who have been secured regard
less OF expense"
HARRY, after looking on while his
new little sister cried at being washed
and dressed, turned away, saying, "If
she screamed like that up in Heaven
don't wonder they sent her off. :"
The belief is becoming stronger
every day in the East that, if John
Morrissey should give Harvard or
Yale College $250,000, the Lord would
commence an entire new account with
him.
n AAEAHNA SAAAOusJ W AO has
spent the best part of the summer in
Christianizing a Chinaman. thought
he was getting along nicely, until
John made proposition to him the
other day, to s.put in" with him and
start a faro-bank. ~
Six and a-half feet of bride stood
before the altar in Paris Church the
other day, and promised to love, cher
ish and obey three feet and a-quarter
of bridegroom; and that's the long
and short OF it.
THR janitor of All Indianapolis med
ical college was deeply affected on
recognizing his brother-in-law on the
dfssectin9 table. His grief was the
more poignant from the fact that he
had himself carried the stoleI corpse
up three flights of stairs.
A CINcINNATI woman used to think
paralysis dangerous thing, but since
her husband comes home twice q
week with such a stroke of it that he
has to be carried up the stops, she
rather scofis at paralysis.
PRoF. SEELYE. of Amherst College,
Mass, on the occasion of his election
to Congress, said to his constituents
81 never sought an Office, and l never
will" Never will sought" is good,
for Professor.
Ar an anti-monopoly convention at
Iowa, recently, some fellow bawled at
the door: candidates are requested
to step down stairs a few minutes" ]"
Then every body went down stairs ex-
cept deaf old fellow who wanted to
run for jailer.
A LAFAYETTE, Indiana, mamma
carsssed her seventeen-year old girl
with slipper because she wore =
spiral elastic garter to church. The
girl thought It was necklace, and
wore it as such, while the old lady
said she wouldn't have any such non
sense in her family on Sundays.
MARK TWAIN and clerical friend
set out to walk from Hartford to Bos-
son. After hooipg it for twelve miles
they got tired, and telegraphed back
to their friends that, having satisfac-
toriIy demonstrated that the thing
could be done, they would take q rail-
road car for the rest of the way.
GOVERNOR Dix is going to F orida.
Ii he sees any game there he will
1t - - -, fbo