The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-10-17
VARIETY.

81 deep is he that they call Gideon Old
Artesian WeIles. .''-Phika. Herald
Susie Liberty, of La Crosse, Wis, has thirteen
lovers, and every one of them exclaims ss Give
me Liberty or give me death ~ And she's a red
headed girl at that.
Mrs. Laura Fair has announced her intention
Of emigrating to Japan. After che has shot
Mikado or two over there they'll learn to love
her AZ we Americans do.-M Y. Commercial
AdrerfissT-
Says the Nevada Enterprise: A runaway
couple went to Eugene City, Oregon. last week
to get married. Tie clergyman and clerk both
wanted proof that the young lady was Of proper
age strategy, which has proved SO efficient in
other scenes, was TesOrted to with SUCCESS. The
figures eighteen were placed in the bottom of the
shoes Of the maiden, and one who was in the
secret affirmed that she was over eighteen"
Little story about a St. Louis church usher
A man ind1erenty dressed went to his church
The usher did not notice him, but seated several
well-dressed persons who presented themselves,
when finally the man addressed the usher saying,
ss Can YOU tell me whose church this il p - Yes
this - Christ's Church" as He mp" was the
next question; after which seat was not so
hard 10 find
The New York Ere1inq Post, the New York
Commercial AdreTiLseT and the Boston Globe
have not admitted any OF the details Of the
Beecher scandal INTO their columns. This fact
gives AR of PlausiLility to the following from
the Louisville C0uricT-J Journal q. Ii is ruInored
that ths Rev. Henry Ward Beecher has become
involved in n rather awkward scrape with some
woman OF other IN Brooklyn Ii there is any
truth IN this IL il very strange that nothing is
said about it in the newspapers-''
A benevolent physician in LapOrte County,
Ind. gave q picnic to seven hundred children,
not even such delcacics cake, strawberries,
and ice creams being omitted. He got back his
outlay IN COLES, however, before the week Eas
over.
female writer for one of the sentimental
papers. speaking Of the aihnities, observes that
woman now and then meets man to whom she
can truthfuily say, On the barren shores Of
lime, o. my sOHl's kinsman, | have found in thee
my pearl Of great price, and there is nothing
m0r,, precious out OF heaveni - have no dOubs
that this IL the case, and while ] would not
rudely mar the sweet poetic beauty Of the picture
thus summoned up, my experience teaches me
that the women who begin by talking IN this
sugary manner, are usually prone to throw |
skillets and dat irons at . their soulss kinsmen
alter nlarriage. Rnd to grOwl at the '' pearl Of
great price = because he comes to bed with his |
feet c5ld.-MaT 4deier.
Saws the Kingston Freeman A Connecticut !
friend Of ours prOpOunds new theory Of intem-
perance POrk--he says it's pork that does 1t. /
People eat much pork, and so are made dry as n /
stage-road in August. Unable to stand the /
burning THIRST CreiteQ DY pork tiiey Ay " tHS 4
lowing bowl We reckon he's right We hate |
l hog. dead or alive, and if he can he convicted |
lf promoting drunkenness, we move he be SUI /
located in his cradle or squelched IN his sty. |
Noah got drunk, and he had Ham always IN the /
f,uniIv and xeshoudn & wonder if all the editions
hi Bacon bound with bristles are the worst pos
sible teachers OF morality.
TorcHINo- LayINT.--TIe following touching |
lament Tor a deceased wife, from dscOnsolate /
EDITOR Of a Missouri paper, apPeaTsin the columns
1f that joiIrnIl:
hands pull of my boots and part my back haIr
~ only n wife can. Nor will those willing feet \
-epleuish the coal bod or water pail. No more
will she arise amid the tempestuOus storms oil
w inter and hie away to the lire without dis
.urbinr the slumbers OF the man who doted on
I.r 40 artIe-sIy Her memory Is embalmed within
nv heart Of hearts 1 wanted to embalm- her
I5dv. but found / could embalm her memory
.beaper. procured Of Eli Mudgett, neighbour
n mine, a very pretty gravestOne- Ills "lie was
.rsuutptive and ne kept 1t on hand several years
in anticipation OF her death But she rallied last
Srrir,- and bis hopes were blasted Never shall
forget the poor mans grief when asked him
.o mart with it. - Take il, skinner ne hoarseiy
: zhizuered. and may you never know what Il =
o have your soul dIsappoInted as mine iiIs
MI ne burst into a Hood Of tears His spirit
,-,s indeed utterly broken. had the foliow-
-, ,,.,it,,l, eT,rrag01 upon the tombstone - TO
he memory OF Tabitha, WIie OF Moses Skinner
80, ,eutlemanly editor OF the iroH4ooHs-
-, - 7tEre. dollars n year, invariably in ad-
,,nce A kind mother and exemplary vic;
jaics over CoIeman's grocery, up two flights oi
tairs Knock hard We shall miss thee'
,1tber- we shall miss thee. Dob printing JOo
-. l.. .li.;feI Thus, ike Rachel weeping
- Ter children. did may Iaecrted spirit cry out
If . -, But one ray Of light penetrated the
i.r9ir = If NV soul The uDdertaker took h5 pay
n b printing, and the sexton owed .I me ,'.lne
:, i,y.',nt r should not have gotten any other way
- -t.,,LI- We nine at the mysterious ways OF
y ornyijence and vicinity (not conundrnm