, 1874-08-23
HUiMC3.

siUlsC9.
Polite: Please, sir. if you'll get OF my cora
long enough. III hick you
Twenty-Five cents worth Of green water
melon. judicionsly administered, will keep your
neiShoor's boy off your gate for T. while.
"A rustic couple, newly married, marched
into drug store aud called for soda water. The
ooligine clerk .inuuired what kr1sp they would
have iu it, when the swain, deliberately leaning
over the couutcr. replied: "StrangeT, money Ii
no Object tc me put sugar in 1t.
-" Sixty dollars for d tErashing-ma +"
exclaimed i boy. when he SAW tho card Oh one
for sale why nsotaer only pays - pair for
her slippers
When Bismarck tirst spoke to Kullmann in
prison, the latter declined the Priaco's acquuint-
ance and said he did not kuow him; 50 Biz.
WAS cut we'll as shot.
"A politician, wishing to compliment 'ro1l-
to-1o farmer, said: You must have begun llfe
Yes" replied tue farmer, II began liiu when
Was mere baby
The Houston lTcx. Chronicle eayly cxcla:ms:
GLORY to God! Tno dollars received ut this
Office yesterday! Bring in your wasn-bi|l.'
"A epreaI-cagle barber announces that lie ia
"professor Of Crinicuitural Ab=cslon aud Cral4i-
ological TripaiB- Il il not often tllat four such
h.Gh-priced words get into n single sentence.
-"Dou't cry, my ltus fellow, d,n'tc:y," saiel L
kiud-hcarted stranger to ): ten-rca: old, who as
lt:AtS hi.tl 3uku IhiH Na4u its
he could. II ain't a-c1ri1,,". e11ap7iunl: 1s-
torted the avclip, rul oCly washiu the dl.t out
Of my eyes."
There is one consolation in beiaS bald.
When policeman strikes you the head with
his club the doctor doesn't have to waste any
time cuttin. hair away from tho wound.
-BcsinninG at the beginning. - And what's
your favurite study, Missy r. "Chrouulo.y."
20: Chronology. islt' Nov, what is tic tiate
Of the creation Of the world - 10, wo 4av.u't
Fn& $1.4y ,tTv>n
The Detroit tribune han just moved into
brand-ncw stone Office, and prints picture it
with a man going up stairs two Steps ut Il time
TO wAp tue edtor, and woman coming doau
street with piece OF poetry for hin to print.
A gentleman Of mechanical turn Of mind
took OF the gas-neser to repair it himself. and
put it mp again upside down. At the el'd Of tte
quarter it was proved with mathematical cor
rectness That the s,as company orol hin <S,5u.
They came pretty near hanging IN n Eusterp
man at Shellyiilc, Fla, because thoy discovered
j. toothbrush and bottle Of halr-oil Ii his
satclel. Tney eaid no cuEacd Yank could oome
around there putting OH the airs of Napoleon
Bonaparte.
costume de balm ou ulo verge Of river Yaiept
universal suttrase. "suppcse we take a head
tr ?" says one, t'Dnt SUPPOSE We don't conc
out asan?" replies the other.
--11itLorto WORKOUT straw hats hayo been
considered thi:iss uttelly beyoui utilization.
found American ccoiou,ist proposts to chop
them up BY machinery aud feed horses with
them.
The transition from depressing saducBs to
e1uberant Jog is often very short, aud this 1eri.
sion Of feeling IL experienced lu its most power
fal form Willie Tcadinf, i long and harloHing &C.
count of tho violent death Of somebody, and
finding Mt the close that tAo victim waa book
ageni-Net1 Tori: World
Important old gent {iro1a the country. who
4h3nsa uft v fr1 II hRr.
maids ought to be taken down bit - Glas.
OF ale, young wo1uan: and look sharp, please!
lIaugbty hlopde tb!audly);-;,'' Second CLASS re-
fresAments lower down, sir..'
a Jobs Comfortet-laud-'sO, Unc}s
George, / can sec at loa=t three gray hairs On
your head!" Uncle Georpo (Mi.h ecntiment)-
''Ab. my dear, all nv lair will bc gray eoou !"
Ethel-"Ncyer mind, dear Unclo George!
There's; SO very little Of it That i: won't much
Not baving been sufficiently tl,r1shed when
boy, Robert u johnson now writes to LIS
mother:
Herewith, my dear mother,
eend you sor1e bttch In
Return fur the other
: Igot when urchu.
fO4 can now a,c at your age,
What the difference II
Froul that CAME blue ridge,
Ttolu the Blue lid % cAtne this.
ii What is this for5" asked the coIored por-
ter At tle-. Hotol Long Branch, thu oi1es
QAY. uuI(uub Out ~ CcHb uul9 5tf6u Hliu D4 Lue
gentleman addressed for carrying up bis trupk.
- That, said the gentleman, taking the note and
quitting it back ID his pocket: was for your
trouble. and this is for your in1pudence." and lie
Kicked him II feet . inches aud q halt into tho
hallway!
An Iiishfnan found Government blanket
recently. and, rolling it up put it utider Lis ar,
to eathrick, and S for McCartay; he me soyl.
bn. this 1carnin' is a foue thing, as me- faythet
would say; Tor it L hadn't: nh edicati?n !
wouldn't Lave been a1thef h!ld!n me blanl:ot'
That Waa shraWd auv lco Of learned lawyer
to pupil: ~ hea tho facts are IN Your favor,,
but the !hw. opposed 70 you. come oat strong on
the facts; and when tue law ls IN your favor
aud tue iacss opposed TO- you, come ous strong
on the lnw- But, inquired the student,
" when the law aud the facts arc both against
me, what shall do r. - Why, then, said tie