Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-06-05
6nmorous shstebes.


been suggested:
"The boast of heraldry,
The pomp of power,
Aud all that beauty,
And all that wealth e'er knew,
Await alike the inevitable hour
The path of glory leads but to the hne'
And this is all that's left of thee
Thou fairest of earth's daughters
Only four rounds of aches white
Out o. a hundred and fourteen and three
quarters
SLUICIEG HIN DowN.-A lady had gone
to visit young couple of the better class
of the poor. The husband being a stoker
G a railway, they were about the reach ol
want. The visitor thought they might &c
TO church on Sundays, and she said 50 to
the young wife.
will you please walk in till show you
something P was the woman S answer, and
she conducted her visitor TO the little kitch.
en-, where her husband sat by the fire. He
had just come home for half an hour to
have his tea. He was, of course, in his
working clothes, and his face and hands
were of deep oily black. after the manner
of stokers. Now, ma'am,' said the wo.
man, you see that man. That's my hus-
band and I'm bound to do part by HIM,
amt p
Surely said the visitor, anxious to up
hold the duties of matrimony.
Very well, then. / pass my Sundays
a-washing of he! Never a blessed moment
has he to wash himself through the week
out early and late, and half the night too,
and blackeI nor any crow all the while.
Well, on Sundays it is fitting and proper
that he should try TO look like Christian,
if be can, SO he sets me TO it after we eat
our breakfast, with bucketful of soapsuds
and a scrubbing brush, and rubs him of
and on all day, till my arms ache, and he
amt much better than be wor and then
after we has our tea he says to me-'Come,
Sally, have another try-there's a brave
wench,' and goes at him again and sluices
him down till you'd think born niger
'ud come out white, and, if you'd believe
me, ma am, when polishes him off with a
dry towel afore he goes to bed, he's only a
light brown after all ~
WHU can help admiring the Roman
stoicism Of the Arkansas judge who said,
after one lawyer had shot another dead in
the courtroom, Look yeer, if you keep on
fooling around in this yeer way, I'll COM
NIT some Of you for contempt Equal to
this in patient suffering was the gentleman
who lives in Coates street, who, when he
entered the basement dining-room the
other evening, found DO one there, and no
preparations for the evening meal. He
went up to the parlor, and there he found
his wife sitting on the sofa with young
man by her side, and that young mans
arm about her waist.
See here,' said this mild husband, Il
don't like this kind of thing. Why isn't
my supper ready?'
Because didn't like TO make it, said
the loving wife.
What are you sitting there, a letting that
fellow hug you fors'
Because do like it,
Il tell you what it is, Annie and his
face assumed fierce look of passion, If
this state Of things continues much longer
I'll get mad, you bet your life.'
W. 1op,t sh;pL . ., ,.,; H. N IL
for making an unprovoked assault on any
one.
HER BILL OF DIvoRCE.-A few days
since well-dressed couple, in the prime of
life, stopped at hotel in country town,
and sending for a justice of the peace, in
formed that functionary that they wished
to be married.
The justice said "aIl right, and inquired
their names.
After being told it struck him that he
had performed the same service for the lady
some years before. Upon inquiring if such
was not the case, she said she had been
married previously.
Have you bill from you former hus.
band p asked Mr.. Justice.
Yes she replied, i have BILL
This being satisfactory the ceremony was
performed and the couple were declared
man and wife,
As they were about departing, the JUS
tice, who had never seen bill Of DIVORCE
and having strong desire to behold the
the document, thought this an excellent
opportunity to satisfy his curiosity, there
fore said to the lady:
Have you the bill with you p
oh yes, she replied.
Have you any objection TO allowing me
TO see the bill p said our friend.
None whatever she replied.
Stepping to the door and calling to little
boy some three or four years of age, she
said:
Here, bill, come here quick here's
gentleman that wishes to see you.'
The gentleman wilted.
A DANBURY couple of color, affection
stely interested in each other with view
to mstrimany, and unable TO read or write,
have been corresponding through third
parties. The other day Romeo was listen
ing to letter from his Juliet, in which
happened the expression, reclining in the
arms of Morpheus what's dat? In de
arm ob anudder niggar! Dat gal kin go
to dc debbil-I den lub dat secon' ham
darkey-no sab =
A ragged, forlorn looking urchin entered
the store, and addressing the merchant,
piteously asked, "A nickel to get my mother
q loaf of bread. please SIR A jovial neigh
Dor, also merchant, with sly twinkle in
his eye, thinking 10 have joke with the
boy, produced nickeland said: My son,
this nickel L worked for, now, what will
you do for it p Quick as thought the boy
went down into his clothes and producing
q nickel, exclaimed, IN match you, sir =
OLD BULL was once seeing the sights at