The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-03
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

That was pleasant device which old
Mr. Dusenbury employed to rid his
berry-patch of robins. Having formerly
been clothier, he fished from his gar
ret dilapidated old dummy which had
once seen better days and clothes, and
turned the susceptible heart of many a
near-sighted damsel and rigging some
arms upon it he clad it in faded gar
ments, cooked a disreputable- looking
hat on its head, and stood it up i'll the
middle of his patch.
His facetious neighbor on the right,
! having noticed this ingenious contri-
vance, conceived the idea of removing
it from Dusenbury's garden and secretly
| placing it in the garden of the neighbour
On-the-left, who was likewise in state
of chronic madness on account of the
nightly depredations of robins. This
done, the neighbor-o the right, after
kicking up arumpus sufficient todisturb
the sleep of a mummy, hid himself be-
hind tree near by and awaited develop
ments. The neighbor-on-the-le came
prancing out, and marching furiously
up TO the dummy, exclaimed
"You thieving old rascal, Joe Peas
ley, I've got you now I'll fix you, you
internal scoundril What dye mean by
stealth into my garden at this hour of
night, you low-lived, white-livered,
undetermined, old blackguard ?"
The neighbour on-theright, behind the
tree, instead OF enjoying this, jumped
up and down in distress and anger. 1t
was not pleasant to be mistaken for
scarecrow and accused of stealing
garden sauce at the same time. His
name was Joseph Peasley, and he was
the individual referred to.
The dummy said nothing. A gentle
breeze from the east turned it half
around, neighbor- -the-left continued
81 know you, you ole scoundril.
You needn't pull your hat down over
ger eyes. | saws yer, and L knows yer
Ha ha you mizzable sneak. Now
you'll dance to me, darn yer"
"Who is it ?" shrieked the injured
neighbours wife, tripping out in her
night. gown.
"Who is it?" yelled back her hus-
band, warming up by the reinforce
ment, for he was getting out of breath
"Joe Peasley, blast his picture, the
consommurnit ole hog"
Cocoon, Joe Peasley you mean,
dishonest, sneakin' thing" struck up
the woman, shaking her fist at the in.
nocent form, :" to think that you'd be
caught a-stealin' my husbands garden
sass. / knowed you was a mean man
when you turned your wife outdoors
and whipped your little baby to death,
and stoned your poor old grandmother
and pizened Uncle Dusenbury's hens,
and now you're stealin' garden sass,
and you're ketched, and you'll be hung.
| wish | had my hands on your face,
I'd scratch your wicked old head off. "
This must have been pleasant for
Peasley behind the tree.
See how he hangs his head E" she
added, triumphantly.
81 should think he'd hang the whole
length of him" rejoined her husband
Why don't you speak, you thievin'
ole blaggard Haint you got no
tongue or sense or manners nor nothin'
-wheelin' around as if you wuz hung
on springs ?"
What's the matter ?" inquired
strange voice, whi ,h proved to be the
parsons.
Matter" shrieked the angry man
at the newcomer, matter enough, /
think. I've caught Joe Peasley -pickin'
my melons and pullin' my cabbages up.
See the sneakin' burglar !" fiendishly
he cried, pointing at the form. I've
a notion to punch the stutIin' out of
him.
Unfortunately for Mr.. Peasley's
reputation, balmly zephyr turned the
figure slowly about in quiet manner.
Joseph, put in the pious man, adj
dressing the scare-crow mournfully,
q am grieved to find you thus circum-
stance. 1t pains me deeply to see this
damning evidence of your guilt. Re-
member, however, my friend, that there
is even repentance at the eleventh
hour"
Nearer half-past twelve" snarled
neighbor-on-the-left.
AT this point another party appeared.
Through the gloom of the night it was
observed approaching. 1t was Dusen-
bury, who, hearing loud talking, was
coming to learn the cause. He was a
large, corpulent man, of hasty and
passionate temperament.
whats this row." he asked
sharply.
They told him in chorus sweet and
strong, the lady reaching high G, the
parson taking the bass, and the out
ragged neighbor tearing up and down the
whole gemut in the operation.
"What do you sayp" roared Dusen-
bury, livid with rage; "Joe Peasley
that's robbed our gardens! What do
you mean, you miserable wretch ?" he
cried, and marching up he suddenly
seized the dummy by the coat collar,
seated his heels in a potato hill, and
cast his whole strength and tremendous
weight into a jerk that would have
moved the State of Rhode Island
Then the dummy went ranting up in the
air and he went over on his back as if