davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25

on still further, however, though it
became evident that we could not
long remain in this mysterious place. |
omitted to mention that the walls and
floor OF this chamber, especially particu-
lar rocks therein contained, We're highly
magnetic, and became more so the farther
we advanced toward the north. One of
the party who carried a Ratchet had il
suddenly wrested from him by magnetic
rock near which he passed, and the COM
bined strength of four Of US was INSULT
cient to detach it. A pocketknife, which
accidentally dropped to the floor, had to
remain there, none of the party having
sufficient strength in his fingers to pick
1t up. Mason, who had put on for the
occasion a pair of miners boots, the soles
of which were filed with nails, could
walk with difficulty, and happening to
step upon a portion OF the floor unusually
magnetic found himself suddenly sfixed
thereto and unable to move. He was
compelled to withdraw his feet from his
boots and leave them there, tearing IN mis-
coat and wrapping the pieces around his
feet to protect them from being cut bv
the rocks. We had remained in this
chamber about ten minutes when sudden
ly the chilling sensation began to in.
crease, the feeling being as if a cold and
piercing wind was blowing upon Us. and
becoming each moment more intensely
cold. We hastily retreated and soon
reached, feeling more dead than alive, the
large chamber containing the hot spring.
We then retraced our steps along the
Irvine, and in a couple of hours emerged
from the cave"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
An Absent-Minded Minister.

A FUNNY mistake occurred the other
day through the forgetfulness of a distin-
guished Clergyman of this city. The
cards were out for wedding to take
place at his church. The day, the hour,
the bridal party arrived; the church was
filled with invited guests, but the of1ciat-
ing clergyman was nowhere to be seen.
The impatient bride and groom waited
for half an hour; the bride began to feel
superstitious dread Of she knew not
what; the groom, strong-minded, only
felt annoyance. What was to be done?
Patience had ceased to be virtue. At
last clergyman of another denomira-
ton, who was sitting among the guests,
was observed. He was sent for, and
kindly consented to perform the cere-
mony. The knot was tied to the satisfac-
ton of all parties, and the fee handed
over to the minister who had proved such
a benefactor. The money. however, he
sent to the clergyman who was to have
performed the ceremony, with a note:
This is an egg found in your nest. AS
Ididn't cackle-ate upon it, I send it back
to you" The reason of the absence OF
the engaged clergyman was very sim
pie One-he had forgotten all about the
aDpOintment-Nea1 York Letter.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
How Willie Fell into the Cistern.

An old straw hat lying on the ground,
and right out Of a hole in the straw hat
grew little tuft of curly yellow hair!
How did il get there?
Two little shoes kicking in the air, and
right out from hole in one little shoe
grew wee dusty toe!
How did it get there?
Ask Willie's mother.
There were blue eyes in under the straw
hat, tOo!-blue eyes that were almost
black from looking way down in a dark
hole! And for all their looking, they
could Just see the piece of white bone,
with bits Of red meat hanging to it, that
Willie had dropped into the cistern.
Poor old kitty was looking down, too,
and mewing for her dinner, for Willie's
mother had said:
"Now, Willie, take it right between
your thumb and finger, just so, and go
call the old cat. Be quick, for poor kitty
is hungry"
and Willie meant to do it all right, but
kitty did new so hard he thought it
would be good plan to teach her Johnny
Clark's dogs trick.
CHOW bark" said he, holding it way
off; bark and 90 sail have it, kitty"
But kitty couldn't bark, and so she
jumped, and Willie jumped too, and for
got to jump the bone, so down it went
with a thump that showed at least there
was bottom to the cistern. 1t wasn't
much Of cistern, to be sure-only a
great "hogshead " sunk down in the
ground, and not a particle of water in it.
Still it had that awful name, and wasn't
Henry Scheid's little brother drowned in
c5ste7n?
Poor kitty, how she did new! What
a mean, mean boy to lose the old cats
dinner! Willie thought he would never
dare 60 in the house to eat his own, for
wouldn't she come in and new it all out
to everybody?
Willie got a long stick and poked, but
it only made the white bone go whirling
around. He wondered what made it so
dark down there. What an awful giant
hog it must have been, to have such
head! Perhaps they kept such pigs at
circuses. He meant to ask the Snowman.
Just then kitty mewed louder Willie
gave great push with his stick and tum-
bled right down into it! Into the dark.
ness Into the cistern!
The bugs all ran, but great worms
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
Sinbad OutdOne-A Wonderful Story.

THE author of "Sinbad the Sailors
Adventures" must resign his laurels.
One W. II. Stokes has been exploring
recently Undiscovered cave near Pine Grove,
Amador County, Cal, and writes to the
Suffer Creek Independent an account OF
his investigations. Mr.. Stokes vOuches
for the exact truth of his narrative in
every particular, and perhaps the reader
will readily credit it from the following
specimen description of one Of the cham
bers the party entered. After journeying
for mile and quarter through the un-
foreground passages Stokes and his party
found themselves in a "lOng but rather
narrow chamber, the walls of which are
not limestone, but yellowish brown and
black iron ore" This chamber beats Sim
bad's magnetic mountain, which drew all
the nails from his ship, and thus caused
1t to fall to pieces, all hollow. Listen to
Mr.. Stokes: Upon entering this cham
Der we noticed most peculiar disturb
ance OF the magnet, the needle constantly
vibrating from side to side, and frequently
whirling around for q minute at time
with velocity which rendered 1t in7lsi-
bic. We also experienced a singular SEN
sation-a sort of chill appearing to COM
/ mence at the back of the neck and ex-
tending to the very tips of our fingers
and toes. As we advanced in this cham
Der we found these singular sensations
to increase in intensity until 1t be-
came almost unbearable. We ventured
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
MOTHER HUBBARD md HER DOG

The aged and venerable maternal representative
of family which descended from an ances
trail progenitor known in his time by the
patronymic appellatiOn OF Hubbard (perhaps
from MS having been one of the early poets
or bards of the Hub
Wended her way to the small apartment ordinarily
devoted to the storage of crOckery and such
portions Of the family provisions as were
left unused at the prandial meal,
To obtain, for the qualification of her favorite but
emaciated specimen of the genus CAMS
fragment of an OsSeOus nature once cOmpOs-
ing an integral portion of the skeleton of an
animal whether bovine, porcine or other
wise the narrator was not able TO determine
satisfactorily. from which she had reason to
believe her petted quadruped would obtain
aliment.
When BY continuous progressive motion she had
arrived at the end Of her brief journey, and
in fact had reached the objective point and
the goal of her desire,
Her fond anticipatiOns were not realized, and her
calculation came to naught; for the family
receptacle before alluded TO proved to be
entirely denuded of everything in the way of
that sustenance which tends to prolong life
when received within and assimilated by the
animal organism;
Consequently this INDECENT and long-sufferfng
member of the higher class of vertebrates
called mammals but Familiarity known as the
''poor dog" failed on this occasion to obtain
anything to appease his unsated and vora-
CiOus appetite. which there is reason to be-
Ieve had previously been whetted by the
anticipation OF the favorable result of the
visit Of his friend and protector to the usual
storehouse Of his supplies.-B08ton Adger-
tiSeT.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
"Haste to Grow Rich"

In this Republic, where every man has
at least chance, the chance of genuine
pecuniary prosperity is almost too small
to enter into calculation. The material
condition Of the great majority is fixed.
or, if not fixed, is limited-Iimited bv
temperament, training, habit, surround
ings. The capacity to make money
albeit, not enrolling nor intellectual-is
one of the rarest. It is a peculiar talent
difficult to cultivate, next to impossible
to inspire. They who possess it mani
fest it early. They who possess it not
are not slow to discover their lack, what
ever their pretense to the contrary. 1t
would seem to be a secular obligation for
a man to make money, whether his con
stitution and taste so incline him or not.
4 certain amount he must make-enough
to provide for himself and those naturally
dependent upon him-or forfeit some
thing of his self-respect. The very best
that most of US can do is to keep even
with t.le world. Not one man in fifty, it
is said, dies out of debt. The estimate
may be excessive, but it is fair to put it
at one in twenty. Think over your &C
quaintances! How many of them are not
in arrears? And, of those in arrears
how many will be left so with advancing
time?
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25

came crawling over his hands to see ii
they knew him, and big black spiders
got on his head and shoulders to haul in
the lines he had broken through. Up
above kitty's two eyes shone like fire,
and Willie thought he was drowning,
and began to call Mammal mammam
And mamma, way off in the kitchen fry
ing doughnuts that sang very loud, heard
the call and ran to the back door.
Mamma! mammal
She looked into the barn, she looked
into the shed. No Willie, but
Mamma! mammal"
She ran up stairs, she opened all the
closet doors. No Willie, but
Mammal mammal"
She looked in the sugar bin and -four
barrel, she went down cellar No Willie,
but now it came palmer
Mammal mamma! I'm drownin'r'
willie, where are your"
"In the cisternr'
Poor mammal She caught big rope
and ran out to the real, new cistern, all
full of water. To be sure the little trap
door was fast screwed down, but she
hammered away until she got it open,
and looked in. No torn straw hat float
ing on the water! No little fingers
reaching up from it! But still the
Mamma! mammal
willie, tell me where you are"
-" In ee pigs head, mamma, drowning
all dead!"
And when mamma poked her sun bon-
net down there she could just see little
Willie all doubled up.
Johnny Clark can have my top"
walled he, and give ee kitty all my din
ners. How long do it take to get
drowned, mamma? VIII 90 waltz"
No, mamma went away. 1t sounded as
II she was crying out loud; and great
bug crawled up Willie's nose to see if he
was good to eat; then came four legs
kicking him on the head.
y myl there's a horse tumbling
down here"
No, only Willie's high chair! Climb
up, little boy, and mamma will reachp'
In mammals arms, with ali the tears
kissed away! How bright the sun shonei
How green the grass looked!
" Here's 90 bone, kitty. Needn'tnever
bark 40 more"
There was great smoke in the kitchen,
for the doughnnts had sung themselves
black in the face; but Willie sat upon the
table and ate a great one from off the
pan. All dusty and dirty, working the
little brown toe that peeped out from his
shoe, thinking how scared papa would be
when he read in the papers
"How Willie fell into a cisternr-
Little Corporal.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
EITHER-NETTHER

HAVE you seen dictionary,
OF this new vocabulary,
Which pronounces Either i-ther,
And pronOunces Neither ny-ther?
DO not call it affectation,
ShOddy show pronunciation;
1t upsets the q diphthong,
Making z and change places
With the ease of Grecian graces;
Only let them change their stations
In like place in ali relations
Change their places in believers,
Change them also in deCeivers-
Change cOnceited to Concyted,
Fortunes freiqtt to fright affrighted,
For the rule which gives US i-ther,
Changing neither into ny-ther,
Makes 6e5jeUerS all belyvers
And deceiUerS all deCyvers,
While the .treigbted ship is fry-ted;
Deigning, too, is dining true,
For every line brings something new.
Vein is vine before this current;
Weight is wife, with Yankee accent;
If you cannot change these also,
Speak az others do, or should do.
N. I. EIrpYeS8
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25

A YOUNG man in one of the Penobscot
River towns, recently, supposing himself
to be upon his death bed, quietly arranged
his earthly affairs, so far as he was ape,
and then astonished his weeping frlends
by the choice of an auctioneer to conduc6
the funeral services. There's Mr..
down to Bangor" be said, "he's an easy,
fluid talker, and l alters IKed 70 near
him. I've had dealins Win MN; an
alters found he set out things jest ABOUT
as they are. He's the man want 70 tai
to my funeral But, as the young man
recovered, after all, the auctloneef Iost inc
chance to declare him gone"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25

4 WASHINGTON man proposes that a
suitable-sized cannon be kept at all
dangerous river reservoirs or dams, to
give instant and general warning Of
breakage, by which, as in the recent
calamity in Massachusetts, many lives
and much property might be saved. The
trouble, says an exchange, is that when
the moment came for the cannon to be
exploded it would be found to be loaded
with black sand, duly certified to as the
best powder by a County Commissioner.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25

A PRINTING PRESS has been set up at
the foot Of Mt. Ararat. The paper IS
called WhitS from Ararat. 1t IS largely
devoted to local matters, and quotes the
price Of girls sold for matrimony al from
SO to 800. The natives believe that
angelic hosts are stationed on the top OF
the mountain to keep guard anG orIFe
away profane persons VINO may Dc cls-
posed to steal and carry oil any portion
of the indestructible Ark.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

LIVE CATTLE MEAsURE.-Rule for
estimating weight of live cattle: First,
see that the animal stands square; then,
with string, take his circumference just
behind the shoulder-blade, and measure
the feet and inches; this is the girth.
Then measure from the bone of the tail,
which plumbs the line with the hinder
part of the buttock, and direct the string
along the back to the fore part of the
shoulder-blade, and this will be the
length. Then work the figure thus:
Suppose girth of bullock feet 4 inches,
length 6 feet 3 inches, which multiplied
together make square superficial feet,
and these multiplied by 23-the num-
Der of pounds allowed for each superb
cial foot of cattle measuring less than Z
and more than feet in girth-make
759 pounds. When the animal meas
ures less than and more than feet in
girth, 81 is the number of pounds to be
estimated for each superficial foot.
And suppose small animal to meas
ure 2 feet in girth and feet in length;
these multiplied together make feet,
which multiplied by 1.-THE number OF
pounds allowed for each square foot
when the cattle measure less than feet
in girth-make A pounds. Again, sup
pose a calf or sheep, etc, to measure
feet inches in girth, and 8 feet inches
in length; that multiplied together
makes Is square feet, and these multi
piled by 16--the number of pounds al
lowed for cattle measuring less than G
and more than feet in ngirth-make 35t
pounds. A deduction must be made fol
animals half fat of one pound in twenty
from those that are fat; and for few
that have had calves, one pound must
be allowed in addition to the one fol
not being fat upon every twenty. Di-
mensions thus taken are sufficiently cor
rect for valuing stock.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

COMMERCE OF THE WoRLD.-France
exports wines, brandies, silks, furni-
ture, jewelry, clocks, watches, paper,
perfumery and fancy goods generally.
Prussia exports linens, wOolens, zinc,
articles of iron, copper and brass, indigo,
wax, hams, musical instruments, to-
bacco, wine and porcelain.
Germany exports wool, woolen goods,
linens, rags, corn, timber, iron, lead,
tin, flax, hemp, wine, wax, tallow and
cattle.
Austria exports minerals, silk, thread,
glass, wax, tar, nut gall, wine, honey
and mathematical instruments.
England exports eottOns, woolens,
glass, hardware, earthenware, cutlery
iron, metallic wares, salt, coal, watches
tin, silks and linens.
Spain exports wines, brandies, iron
fresh and dried fruits, quicksilver, sui.
phur, salt, cork, saffron, anchovies anC
woolens.
China exports tea, rhubarb, musk
ginger, borax, zinc, silks, cassia, filigret
work, ivory ware, lacquered ware anc
porcelain.
Brazil exports coffee, indigo, sugar
rice, hides, dried meats, tallow, gold
diamonds and other stones, gums, ma
hogany and india rubber.
West Indies export sugar, molasses
rum, tobacco, cigars, mahogany, dye
wood, coffee, pimento, fresh fruit ant
preserves, wax, ginger and other spice
East Indies export cloves, nutmegs
mace, pepper, rice, indigo, gold dust
camphor, benzine, sulphur, ivory, rat
tan, sandal wood, zinc and nuts.
United States export principally agri
cultural produce, tobacco, cotton, flour
provisions of all kinds, lumber and tur
pentine.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

INEXPENSIVE HAPPINESS.-Th most
perfect home l ever saw was in little
house into the sweet incense of whose
fires went no costly things. A thousand
dollars served for years living of
father, mother and three children. But
the mother was the creator of a home;
her relation with her children.was the
most beautiful have ever seen; even O
dull and commonplace man was lifted
up and enabled to do good work for souls
by the atmosphere which this woman
created; every inmate of her house in
voluntarily looked into her face for the
keynote of the day; and it always rang
clear. From the rosebud or clover-leaf
which, in spite of her hard house-work,
she always found time to put by our
plates at breakfast, down to the story
she had on hand to be read in the even
ing, there was no intermission of her in
fluenee. She has always been and al
ways will be my ideal of mother, wife,
home-maker. If to her quick brain,
loving heart and exquisite face had
been added the appliance of wealth and
the enlargements of a wider culture,
here would have been the ideal of home.
AS it was, it was the best L have ever
seen.-HeLen Hunt.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

THE WIFE OF AGASSIZ.-It may be a
fact less familiar TO the public, but it is
one well known to Prof. Agassiz's friends,
that his wife was his complement and
in every sense helpmate. What the
Professor lacked in order, method, or
business habits was sabundantly supplied
by Mrs. Agassiz. 1t was her graceful
and assiduous pen that recast and put
into more classic moulds the Professors
ready English. 1t was her constant
encouragement and stimulus that sup
ported the Professor in new and difficult
Undertakings. Her counsel was always
listened to with respect. 1t is safe to
say that we should not have had so many
of his works put in permanent form in
English if il had not been for her earnest
cooperation. The Professor, as all
knew, was a ready lecturer, and always
delivered his addresses without manu-
script. In all his lectures and speeches
near home, Mrs. AgassiZ accompanied
him whenever possible, and took eOpi-
Gus notes and thus preserved the
thought for future use. All his COM
munications for the press passed
through her hands. She wrote much
from his dictation, attended to great
many of his business details, and in a
thousand ways forwarded his work.
Every word Of praise we bestow on the
silent dead is an unuttered recognition
of her who shared alike his labors and
his rewards. Let us hope that she who
knew him better than any or all of US,
may crown this life of devotion by COM
pleting and giving to the world her own
record-long since begun-of the genius
and work of him whose departure has
left such void in our hearts.-N. y.
Tribune
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

WOMAN AND FEMALE.-The use of
the word "femalen for woman Is one OF
the most unpleasant and inexcusable of
the common perversions of language.
II is not a criticism, although il is much
more in vogue among British writers
and speakers than among our own.
With us, lady is the favorite euphemism
for woman. For every one of the softer
and more ambitious sex who is dissatis-
fled with her social position, or uneer-
tain of it, seems to share Mrs. Quickly's
dislike OF being called woman. There
is no lack of what is called authorita-
tive usage during three centuries for this
misuse Of female, as may show, should
I undertake the discussion of Ameri-
canisms. so-called. But this is one ol
those perversions which are not justified
by example, however eminent. A COW
or a sow, or any she-brute, is a female
inst as a woman is; as man is no more
male than a bull is, or boar; and nc
woman calls herself a female without
thereby sharing her sex with all the
brute creation. n.-RUrGt Ne'g YORKER.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

So long as you go without me there can
be no gossip; and in six months we
shall both be forgotten"
Judith did uot reply Immediately.
Not that she wavered in her frst-formed
resolve to relinquish the bounty Of Ma
jor Floyd. Her pride of character would
not suffer the shadow of reproach. But
there was that loyalty in her nature
which could not turn eoldly from a
friend on the requirements of prudence.
1t was the struggle between her gener-
Gus impulses and the rigid laws of pro-
priety which kept her silent.
"Judith, do you know that silence
gives consent ?"
"Not for me-" she answered, rousing
herself to reply. "If have been silent,
it was because / knew not what to say.
I am too sincerely attached to you" she
said with ingenious sweetness, "to be
willing to give you pain. I have too
much respect for you to reject your adj
vice rudely; yet I feel that 1t is not safe
for me to follow it. You have fallen
into error, which your own judgment
will correct ultimately. AS for me, ]
must take my life into my own hands,
to do the best I can with it, without
your help"
"And is this my reward for wishing
to make your path smooth and easy to
your feet? How hard you are, Judith,
to be so young and lovely"
At this moment another visitor was
announced, and Major Floyd, thus CON-
PEELED, arose to take leave. 81 have not
given you up,n he said hastily. 81
shall see you once more, when you have
had time to think il over" and seiziDg
her hand, kissed it and clasped it, as il
he never could relinquish the owner.
/ ITO be continued.l
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

Aninebriate, some little time back, got
into car in Boston, and became very
troublesome and annoying to the other
passengers, so much so that it was pro-
posed to eject him; but genial and
kind-hearted reverend doctor, who was
also a passenger, interposed for him.
and soothed him into good behavior for
the remainder of the journey. Before
leaving, however, be scowied upon the
occupants of the car, and muttered some
words of contempt, but shook hands
warmly with the doctor, and said:
"Good-day, my friend; L see you know
what il is TO be drunk.n
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1874-05-01

"INvIsIBLEn WRITING.-A solution
of cobalt nitrate may be used to write
with upon unglazed paper, and the
characters will be invisible. Hold it
before fire, and the characters will be
distinct. A solution of sulphate Of cop
per will also be invisible, if weak
enough, and may be plainly seen if
washed with little ammonia.