The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-05-09
What Happened to the DeWberrys.

What Happened to the Dewberrys.
MRS. DEwBERRY, wife of James Dew
berry, is an exceedingly absent.minded
woman, 20 absentminded that she some
times forgets to sew on her husbands
battons and mend his socks, though, as
Mr.. DeWberry savagely remarks (brute
that he isl, she never seems to forget
when she ought to have new bonnet or
gown, or thinks she ought when he don't,
for Mr.. D. is man who does not approve
Of too much dress for women.
They would get along splendidly, how
ever, were it not for Mrs. Dewberry's little
habit of forgetfulness, and the additional
fact that she is somewhat deaf.
But just let me tell you what happened
at the residence of the Dewberrys the
other night, and feel sure you will SYM
pathize not only with Mr.. Dewberry but
the unfortunate Mrs. Dewberry herself.
Like all partially deaf people Mrs. Dew
berry is forever laborinx under the delu.
sion that she hears all descriptions of
noises, and happening to wake up last
Thursday night about twelve O'Clock
became convinced, from sundry imaginary
sounds, that some one was breaking into
the house. She sat up in bed and listened
with both ears, one of which was a little
more deaf than the other, and was sure
that some one was forcing an entrance
thu ough the basement window. She was
dreadfully frightened; visions Of masked
robbers passed through her head. So,
seizing her sleeping husband by the arm,
she shook him violently, screaming:
"Jamesl James! Wake up, l say.
There's robbers breaking in!''
"What's that?" exclaimed Mr.. Dew
berry, starting up and rubbing his aston
ished eyes.
"There's a band of masked robbers
getting in at the basement Window"
answered Mrs. Dewberry, in great excite
ment.
MASKED robbers" shouted her hus-
band "the dickens!" and with that he
sprang out of bed and, snatching the
night lamp, dashed down stairs, clad only
in his robe de NUT. Whereupon Mrs. D.,
instead Of hanging over the balusters to
look after her husband, as any other
and, jumping into bed, covered herself,
head and all, in the blankets; and as her
husband did not come back quite as soon
as she expected forgot all about him and
fell asleep. Meanwhile Mr.. Dewberry, in
search of the robbers, having armed him
self with his cane, crept softly down the
basement stairs and peeped cautiously
through the keyhole Of the dining-room
door, fully expecting to find the room
filled with masked men, making off with
the silver. But no, the apartment was
empty; and though he searched every
room and listened at every window and
door he could find no trace of robbers.
They might be down. stairs feasting on
the contents of the larder; he had heard
of such things, and acting on this sugges-
tion he explored the cellar also, notWith-
standing the cold bricks nearly froze his
bare feet. But there was no one in the
cellar either unless they were secreted in
the coal-bin, and Mr.. Dewberry, who
when he did thing always did it we'll,
mounted up on the edge Of the bin and,
lamp in hand, peered down into its grimy
depths. Just as he had decided that there
was naught but coal in the bin a gust of
wind from the cellar window blew out
his light, and at the same instant Mr..
Dewberry lost his balance and fell head
first into the coal-bin. 1t is unnecessary
to state what he said when he found him.
self sprawling in that "beastly coal-bin"
he called it-but he certainly did look
rather peculiar when, after procuring
another light from the kitchen, he gained
his bedroom door with his night.shirt,
face; feet and hands blackened with coal
dust.
To his Surprise he found the door
locked. He raped on it with his
knuckles and pounded on it with his feet,
but Mrs. Dewberry had gone to sleep with
her deafest ear uppermost and not a
| sound disturbed her peaceful rest.
"C0nfound the woman! what am to
do?" thought the victimized Devberry,
shivering with the cold. He'd not stay
| there all night-that he was determined.
So he shouted and banged and shook the
door until Mrs. Dewberry was aroused at
last, and called out in q sleepy voice,
"Who's there?"
"Who's there, indeed" shouted the
irrte Mr.. D.. why, your husband woman
And why, in the name OF goodness, don't
you unlock this doorr'
II haven't locked the door; no such a
thing" veciferated Mrs. Dewberry, who
had Of course entirely forgotten the cir.
cumstances; "and you amt my husband
either" she continued; I" l don't believe
q word of it.'
"Not your husbands ?" cried Mr.. Dew.
berry; "what next, wonder? am your
| uu6U6uU. D1uu yOu ecuu uc " lOOh lO1
robbers that were not there, contound il
allY'
"Oh! yes, yes," answered Mrs. D., sud
denly remembering all about it. "Wait
q moment, Jim, and I'll let you in:" and
Mrs. Dewberry got out of bed and begar
cropping her way across the floor. There
being no light in the room she hadn'
gone half a yard before she put her foo
into a small bath.tub that Mr.. D. hal
very carelessly left full of water before re
tiring.
:Bless met" cried Mrs. Dewberry
"what is that? and she turned suddenly
round, only to catch her foot in the drug
get and come splashing down, with boil
hands in the water
What the dickens are you atV de
manded Mr.. Dewberry, outside the door
"Do you mean to let me in to-nlght!"
"Do be patient" gasped Mrs. D. "1'n
coming as soon as get out Of this Sci
of water. whatever it is."
"Sea of water" repeated Mr.. D.; "why
the woman must be dreaming yeti Viii
you wake up?" and he began pounding
and knocking again, with redoublet
vigor.
"I'm coming, tell you," screame,