The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-12-04

Custom House..
Ministers Of the interior the cook
and the doctor. 81 IA,
If twice eleven are twenty-five,
how can twice ten be twenty; too2
Why is a caterpillarlike hot cakesP
It's the grub that makes the butter
fyl tg aa
The best way to improve -women's
lot is to build house on it and put
good man in the, house.
The earliest reference to the game
Of euchre is when the Levite passed
and the good Samaritan assisted u.
Grapes are so plenty in Connecticut
that they are being fed to hogs.
There is absolutely no market for
them. "
A Californian has been accused in
a willcase of"dying under an assumed
name" Perhaps he only dyed his
own heir. .aAifsH-}qsfHl IN .sA9
This is the latest form Of wedding
invitations: "Come around and SEQ
me capture aslnother-in-law at eight
EOclock, sharp" "rrs
The detectives Of the country
Bcount that day lost whose low, de-
Ecending sun bvingsanot a record of
another Ross boy won. sipa}J
| i A st. Louis man says thatit makes
no. difference to him whether
| Columbus or Left EricksonIdiscovered
America 50 long as money Is so
scarce. sat@ Np
| A lady asyS'' If women were as
particular in choosing virtuous hus-
bands as men are 10 selecting yirtu-
GUS wives, the greatest Of moral
revolutions would result
The 10000 or $4,000 acres Of Man
haitian Island are said to contain as
sessable real estate Of nearly as much
value as that Of the rest OF New
York State put together. ,a +
| An editorial notice of a woman's
grocery store reads as follows: "Her
tomatoeSare asred as herown cheeks;
her'indigo 10 blue as her own eyes
and her pepper as hot as her own
temper" MI, sy,y{ w
y A county treasurer in Alabama
can't read OF write, but be has put
| 81 900 where no one but himself can
/ find il, That shows that collegiate
education isn't essential TO the ac-
! quirement Of wealth. a.s
"Will you please insert thia obitu-
: aYytnotioeSp asked an old gentleman
y of an editor u make bold to ask it.
} because Iknow the deceased had a
great many friends around here who'd
Be glad to hear of his death.
There was something lovely about,
Z them, even in death. 1t was on a
Kansas prairie, and they lay side by
} side, Tom 8 thumb in jacks left eye
and Jacks revolverp pushed into Toms
: right ear. They had ftit out.
Said a Detroit ladyt 10 a small boy,
whom she found crying in the street,
the other day: 4Will you stop cry
ing if will give you . pennyp
> "No," said he; "but if you'll make 1t
! two cents, III stop, if itikills me-
! "It is said that donkey cannot
j bray unless It's tail is horizontally
! extended" Indianapolis -Nelcs.
! And yetan Idpianapoils editor will
cit straight up ia his chair and write q
!, wh9Ie editorial. l.-St,, louis Journal.
) Now York claims the lagest pie.
} baking establishment in the world.
/ II hes an invested capital Of $3.50,
900, and is q consolidation of seven Of
the largest pie-bskeries in the city.
The buildings ersix.aud-a-half city
lotsTluEs Il e.ls tlit,'
4 "How like it's father itlisP exclaim-
/ cd the nurse on tho occasion OF the
d christening Of baby whose father
. was over seventy, and had married q
0 young wife, Every like" replied a
] satiTical lady, ut hasn't q tooth in its
Z head" i, i#
Q An I.iSh post-boy, having driven .
0 gentleman long ways during tor
!, rents OF rain, the gentleman ciyilly
a said, to him, "Paddy, arg you not
+ very wet?" "Arrah, don't'care about
h being very wet; but, plaze your honor,
: I'm very dry.s
I IA Squantum Debating Society pro-
I pose discussing the grammatical CON
y struction ofthe sign displayedin in pub.
= lie parks; "Please keep off the grass" "
! Grass, it is argued, does not fall upon
+ you, and why, then, should you be
asked to keep it OFF,
ia keen-witted servant girl told
! the milkman, the other day that he
7 gave bis cows TO much salt. @How
!. I do yon know thatS' said the laotealist.
4 4 oShure, kin tell by the milk that
: they drink 70, much water entirelyF
said the girl. The milkman drove
I of ~ hurry. s
/, A hateful paragTaphist says;
/, wv whenever 0 person sltllns aionssiuo
i of a woman in the street car gets up
q TO leave, in nine cases out Of ten the
: woman will Immediately Try 70
, spread herself so as 10 cover the va
q cant seat as well as her own
i A sharp student was called up by a
d worthy professor Of a celebrated
college, and asked the question:
aCan a man see without oyessn HYesi
! cir, twas the prompt answer. slow,
\ 4. sir.p cried the amazed professor, @caI
man sec without eyesSa "He car
u sec with one, sir" replied theEeaf.y y
n witted youth, and the whole elias
q shouted with delight at the KlumpE
v over old metaphysics.
e The small boys in Vallejo. Cal.
/ need moral or religious instruction
r The. Vallejo Independent Of OCT
< says: "A little boy scarcely 81,
n years old was standing on one Of thS