The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1874-04-07
WooDsFIELD MONROE COUNTY OHIO TUESDAY, APRIL 4 1874
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Sfuse ana 81 Npuseiase.
WHY was tue whale that swallowed
Jonah Ikea retired milkmanY Because
he got 4 profit lprophet) out Of The
water.
Fifty iaiIIionfcllars are invested in
journalism in the city of New York. =
So SAYS some chap who Knows nothing
about it.
Among The attractions of sale ol
oil paintines aiyertised In San Francis
co is II picture of Gen. Jackson jasl
frouthe bath
3y5r4lar Who was found uhder {
a q Iipaaelphia excused bin
self. On fhe ground ihat he was loskipt
for his dog.
Emerson save: "The way to make
the world better is by reforming nun
ber one, then there is surely one less
villain in the world"
The Indians have invented new
method of scalping victims, so that now
q bald headed man stands no more show
than any one else This is as it should
be.
A Western paper says of the air, ir
its relations, to man: ait kisses acc
blesses him, but will not obev him -
Blobhs saws that that description suits
his wife exactly.
1t was North Carolina landlord who
posted the notice in his dining room
that members Of the Legislature would
be the, first seated, and afterward thu
gentlemen.
The Pullman palace cars which hav,
been introduced into England have al
ready become popular. Tue Lon6or
papers are enthusiastic over the new
feature in English railway travel.
Said he: "Will you marry me?"-.
Said she: "I'll think of it" Said he
sYou have said so two or three times
before" Said she: swell. the more
think about it, the more think won
marry you p"
"Tbey say the friends Of an indians
man who died last week put his clui
skates into the coffin with him, whicl
shows what, implicit faith some people
have in matters which they don't know
anything about.
A beau in Irisburg. Vermont, tool
his girl out for ride. The sleigh tip
ped over and broke her leg; then the
beau sent her home on wood sleigh
that chanced. to come along, ard con
tinued his ride alone.
The journalists will have their fun, as
witness the following from Cincinnati
paper: "a favorite amusement at Lara
mie is slashing off strangers ears 0ne
blow ;asenough for all except Louisvill,
ears sss.s,s-.s.. sss=sz....-..-..s.
Farewell, Susan-you have driver
me to the grave" wrote John Larch, o
Alabama, four years ago, and left th,
note on the river bank He was arres
ted the other day in Cincinnati, livin.
with another woman
"Well, Samho. what's yer up to now
a-davs p. ~, is carp'ner and finer.
..He guess yer is What departmen
do you perform ?' "What department
Why, I does the circular work.
"What's dat ?" "Why, l turns de grind
stone -g'way."
Country practitioner (about TO &,
up to London on business IL shan
be more than ten days at the farthest
Mr.. Fawceps You'll visit the patients
regularly, and take care that none o
them slip through your fiugers-or ge
well--auring my absence!"
Not long ago clergyman in a coun
try church not a, thousand miles fron
Augusta, Ca, after finishing his ser
mon and announcing q temperance
meeting, said he had some cotton-seet
for sale, of new variety, which coul!
he had At at only one dollar pc
bag.
The death of the dirtiest man II
Pennsylvania, in Luzerne County,is jus
recorded He left five thousand dol
lars in cash and an old sheep skin sui
to his relatives, and bis title to Simon
Cameron, who has been running bim
strong opposition for good man,
years - CHICAGO Times
At Brooklyn wedding, among TIL
presents ostentatiously displayed, was
one-hundred dollar bill. present from
the do,ing father to the darling daugh
ter After the guests had departed, tn
old man coolly rolled mp the bill ant
put it in his vest pocket, and that wa
the end of it.
A Kentucky farmer refused 10 look a
SAM le sewing machine, not long ago
as he always ':.sewed wheat by hand.
He is related to the man who did no
want a threshin9 machine on his farm
''for," said he, "give me harness tn:
or barrel stave. aud / can make ~,
family toe the mark according to th,
law and ScFipter."
A crossing sweeper was trying to ge
a grattitv from an excessively dandfe'
individual, who, in resisting, urged tha
he'had nothing but 800 BILL II cal
get it changed for yer," said the young
ster On seeing the dandy hesitate, a
if from fear of trusting him with a 50
hill, he put it again, IF yer doubts 10.
honor, hold my broom"
North Adams has tailor long know
for his keen, pungent wit. Not lon,
since well-known clergyman called a
his shop with pair of rantaloons, ant
asked him if they could be repaired :
The knight Of the shears unrolled them
held them up in the most artistic man
ner, carefully examined them, and re
piled: "Yes, yes; the Knees are the bes
part of them" The reverend gentle
man saw the joke, smiled blandly ant
gracefully bowed himself out.
There is an old darkey in Marylans
who lately voted for local option, as b,
undertood it, but not as the public gen
orally understood it. The story "a tru
one) runs thus: At recent election
friend asked the old man how he wa
going to vote oh" be replied, 9Th
Republican ticket. always vote tha
ticket" "But how are you going t.
vote on local option % The darkey