Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-01-29
PRINCE RANH ROWDEDOW.

| cannot say that Slushton-on-the-
Sloshy is a likely town in which to make
q great theatrical benefit I cannot say
that Slushton is q good town for theatri-
Gals in any way or shape, or that the
inhabitants of Slushton patronize either
the Thespian art or any other art, or any
science, amusement or pursuit of any
kind whatsoever, with much enthusiasm
| cannot say that SlushtOn is a fine town
or a pretty town; unless, indeed, your
idea OF architectural beauty is confined to
one interminable street of undeviatingly
ugly houses, intersected by an infinite
number of smaller streets, if possible
more ugly than the chief thoroughfare,
and surrounded on all sides by rising
neighbOrhood-a rising neighborhoOd
dotted with hidtous manufactures, which
start up like grimy demons, with out
stretched wings of brick and mortar, to
shut out the country.
l cannot say that the Sloshy is beau
tiful river, or that the muddy banks
thereof are pleasant walking, or that any
mortal, not an inhabitant of SlushtOn,
ever expressed admiration for its dirty
waters, on which dismal black barges lie
at anchor.
One popularity of Slushton is that its
working classes are always on strike at
the very period when a dramatic company
enters the town. You are greeted with
the intelligence that the weayers are out
and not likely to be in for couple of
months. You should have come last
year; you would have done wonders last
year. But unfortunately you are not in
the habit of going to places last year
Now l had the honor to be, for three
seasons, first low comedian of the Theater
Royal, SIushton; and for the first two
seasons [ had the honor to take benefits,
whereat my labOrs to please were reward
ed by limited circle of from three to
seven in the boxes, a dreary sprinkling in
the pit, and a row and half or so in the
gallery. Now if you deduct CT for the
expenses of the house, as computed by
the manager, thirty shillings for printing,
an odd pound or SO for properties, not
little money spent in the pursuit of that
diplomatic process called matchmaking,
you won't get much of a surplus out OF
"a 10S., two-thirds of which surplus, if
there were one, would go to the lessee.
Therefore, my benefits, during the first
two seasons in which | had the honor Of
appearing at SluShton, were not so profit
able as to justify my leaving the profess
sioN-unless, indeed, | had retired upon
my losses.
The third season was drawing to close,
and Slushton was, if possible, in a state
Of grester stagnation than usual. The
weavers had made q most obstinate strike
of it, and the only thing was a penny
subscription to keep these contumaCiOuS
weavers from starvation. | looked
around rs | stood pensively on the banks
of the Sloshy, anG meditated on my
chances Of filling the crazy old Theater
ROYAL on Wednesday, the 18th instant,
which night had been SET apart for the
benefit of Mr.. John Miffs. Now I had, in
the course of my professional career, be-
held one marvel in theatrical statistics, or
shall | say play going human nature?-i.
e., that however poor the inhabitants of
the town, however high the price of the
quartern loaf, however great the demand
for blue ruin, with its attendant ills of
starvation aud crime, however you may
have been assured again and again that
the people cannot come to the theater
because they have actually not the money
TO pay for admission, let Mr. and Mrs
Rousby, or MIR. Sothern, Mr.. Charles
Mathews, Signora Patti, or Mr.. Blackstone
let, | say, any of these aforesaid artists,
or many others could mention, put out
an announcement in capitals three feet
high Cf their intention to appear at the
TIeatf1 Royal, Anywhere, and 10. that
theater IS Immediately filed. Now 1
don't 1 .ow whether it was an inspiration
or not, but at the very moment when
Venus rose pale in an opal evening sky,
her beautiful face feebly mirrored in the
errimv waters of the Sloshy, l suddenly
exclaimed, "a starp' Yes, would have
star to play for my benefit, and thus
fill the theater.
But then, what star? had not the
Measure of Mr.. Buckstone's acquaintance,
and if | had, was it likely that distin-
guished comedian would withdraw him
self from the part in which he was at that
time delighting his friends IN tne nay
market for my pleasure and prohtF 1
didn't know Mr.. Sothern, but | knew
enough of that gentleman to think 1t
scarcely probably he would choose the
Theater Royal, Slushton, wherein to com,
mence his great tour in the provinces; l
didn't know the talking fish; hadn