The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-02-27
ALL SORTS.
when IS a young lady like a

u When is q young lady like /
y Whale2 When she's pouting.
= No other living thing can go .
= slow as q boy on an errand.
I'll Breach of good IaaHners-fo
; ruin TO stare you in thei face.
s Love isar. egotism of two. TIL
fret sigh of Hove is the last of wis
: dom. =
e There are over $4,000 idiots II
r this country. who are Scknowl
e edged as sueh.s. sssz
If saloon-keeper gets rich il Il
because he makes many good bar
) gains:
: "A German, divine is spending ter
days in this country to write $
| book on it.. ~
QuestionsblgNWhefi q man mar!
Tries 3 poetess, docs he take her for
better orsfor verse? s = Is
i The patrons of Husbandry in
Wisconsin, haYei started . nsWsps.
kper entitled the Moving Machine.
Cardinal AntonelIi is laid up
with the govt, brought on by life
Eof abstinence and self-denial.
+ Why Is 8 person who never lays
q wager as bad as asregular gamb-
ffeF? Because ne Is no better.
A New hampshire town de-
frayed the expense of providing q
municipal hearse by giving a fancy
dress ball.
The new Chief Justice is an Epis-
copalian. But, says the Boston
Globe, it is too late to bring for
ward objections now.
When a Milwaukee paper re-
marked recently "The lilac bushes
are budding" a reader said ex-
citedly, "You lilac Satan"
A Burlington (Iowa) Daily
speaks of couple resolving them
selves into a committee of two,
with power to increase the number"
"Hints to Blackguards.-A few
suggestions-the Chicago Times
is modest sample of the st Louis
Democrats brotherly love.
The editor of the Panama Star
apologies for the non-appeaFance
of his paper by saying that he had
to haul off to dig buckshot out of
his legs.
The gushing local of Browns
Republican, Bellefonte, Pa, writes
"Pretty-That black-eyed maiden
that 'keeps-a-peepin" in at onr
Office window"
A man was Boosting that he had
been married for twenty years and
had never given his wife q cross
word. Those that knew him say
he didn't dare TO.
An old editor of Morse's geogra
ply says: "AlBany has 400 dwell
ing houses, and 9, 400 inhabitants,
all standing with their gable-ends
to the street."
The Green Briar (Miss.) Herald, |
ia suspending, says: "IIang this |
town! Hang all men in it-throw
the rest in the river, and plant the
town site in cucumbers!
When a young farmers wife |
made her first boys pants precisely |
the same before as behind, the |
father exclaimed: Goodness! he |
won't know whether he's going to |
school or coming home"
A well dressed, able-bedied man
astonished the people in State |
street, Boston, on New Years day |
by walking up and down with a |
large play-card on his hat bearing |
the inscription, 81 want work"
Street cries: Shrimp gwine by,
byas. Here's your big, fat shrimp. |
I'm trying to make an honest liV-i
ing now, and eff can't I'll have TO |
go back to stealing. Raw shrimp
gwine by, byas. Here's me-"
1: your neighbor's hens are troublesome
And steal across the way,
Don't let your angry passions rise,
But fix place for them to lay.
They have dead-head suicides |
out west. At La Crosse, Wiscon-
sin, recently, man entered a store |
and inquired the price of a pistol.
While examining the weapon, he |
slipped in g cartridge and blew his |
brains out.
Square beggary. An exchange |
says: Our wants.-A pencil to |
correct proof with, scissors to clip |
our exchanges with, pens to write |
with, and ink to use in mailing our |
papers. Who gets a locsl on any
of the above.
a young author reading a TRACE
dy perceived his author very often
pull of his hat at the end of the !
line, and asked him the reason. 81
can't pass an old acquaintance"
replied the critic, "without ciVili-
ty."
A prisoner il petty court was
asked by the Judg whether he had
any council. eyes" he said, 81 had
engaged an old bald headed fellow
to defend me, but ] don't see him
round, and l guess he's out for a
drink"
A Pennsylvania manufacturing es-
tablishment has begun discharging
men for telling falsehoods. The
New York Mail thinks that this
plan, If generally carried out,
would be apt to paralyse the in
dustries of the country.
Effects of the fog-Mr. Joliie was
discovered by his anxious wife a
long time after midnight vainly
trying with his latch KEY to open
the front door. lie stated for an
excuse that the fog was sho shoth.
hic that he c-coulden't seekeyhole.
Tive Irfshmen were in prison
one for stealing q COW, the other
for stealing . watch. s'IuIlo,
Mike, and sure what O'Clock is it ri.
said the COW -stealer. CAN sure,1
said the watch4steaIer, give no
time-piece handy, but suppose it's
Just about milking time"
They had a wreck on Tuesday. at
Johnstown, and the Tribune SAYS
"Sone of the folks who considered
that they had a perfect right TO cap
ture the goods at the wreck near
the depot this morning Will likely
haye an opportunity of knowing
what twelve unbiased men think of
it at the next term of the District
Court"
Some useful lessons or examples
may be found. in the most simple
occurrences. At the Terre Honte
idepot recently, an old lady at,
tempted to get of while the cars
were in motion. A gentleman
standing near the door prevented
her: "Let her co." exclaimed d
kind.hearted passenger; elf she
gets killed, it will be q warning to
somebody else
| The Singalese language stands in
the front rank Of all spoken tom
gues-sO for as names of places are
Concerned. In the Veyaloowa dis
trict there is a village termed
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES .
Another hamlet close by is styled
Observation-Disclosures" A