St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-08-14
Squibs.

zeal bfOken-and his legs too.
a country editor advises Queen Isa-
bella to advertise if she wishes to find
the throne she lost some time ago.
! Foolish fathers who send bows into
the country with towling pieces and
pistols are the best friends the under
takers have during vacation season.
An Iowa circus drew Il big crowd by
advertising that Schuyler ColfaX would
enter the ring on Il bet of 500 that he
could Tide the trick mule.
\ London tr;ldcSman advertses hitn-
self as ''brceches- maker to the queen"
There must be some mistake about
this.
\ Cuban dollar is now worth only
thirteen cents. but they keep on calling
il il dollar Just for the fun of the thing.
a Father in Wisconsin offered his son
five dollars to take dose of castor oil,
and then got il counterfeit bill off on
the boy.
A district schOolmaster in one of the
upper counties of Michigan, was asked
what algebra he preferred, and he re-
piled 'Oh, | amt particular most
any kind that will just peel the hide
when You strike"
ThcR are no bouquets about news
paper office, but sometimes the contents
of the pastc-cup acquire il maturity
which by any other name would smell
us sweet.
\ san Francisco reporter blnshed mt
some remarks of Victoria Woodhull,
and was promptly discharged by his
employers for .'cOnduct unbccOming
journalist"
There is IL mule in East Wheeling, w.
Va, who has kicked the roof off his
stable every night for the past week,
in addition to knocking the squcal ont
of il family of pigs.
\ Boston correspondent of the True
South writes that Boston may he built
on seven hills, but the streets are 81
mixed up that You can't tell which hill
you are on.
y st. Louis paper had two-column
account of il hotel of that city. The
bcibugs, after reading it over carefully,
held Il meeting and denounced the pa
per for not mentioning them.
\ Young lady asked clerk in the
Wisconsin News Company's store yes
tertlay if he had "FestuS" "No," re-
piled the clerk. ''but I'm afraid IL boil
is coming on the back of my neck. =
.WlWdukcc Sentinel.
80 Lord" prayed a Methodist minis
ter. keep me humble and poor :" 80
Lord. if thou wilt keep him humble
said the deacon who next prayed, 1--WE
will see to il that he is kept poor -
\ John Bull who had been introduced
to the Emperor of Russia kept pacing Il
steamers deck. cNclaiming The Car
is great . the Car is great :" YES" said
-. '.,..---I--, '.i--. o. = s-cotrr.-
'.Oh, to he sure" WAS Bulls reply
''hut then. You know. the Car is young
yet"
Tie proprietor of Young ladies'
academy in Illinois. has utterly ruined
his business 10y causing to he inserted
III Il Large number of papers, IL picture
of the building. with two girls stand
ing on the balcony with last years hats
on their heads.
Len. &. Faxon, of the Paducah
hcntuckidn. comes ont in il card accept
ting the call from '.many voters" to be
come il candidate for coroner. He SAYS
that IAN experience of several years
within the precincts of Cairo render me
an excellent judge of il dead man"
Some people are not endowed with
the faculty of seeing Joke. Lord
Morpcth used to tell of IL Scotch friend.
who. to the remark that some people
could not feel Jest unless it was fired
ut them with Il cannon, replied: ''Weel.
but hoo can We fire Il Jest out of Il can
non. mon =
An Illinois editor returns thanks for
Il ccntipcdc sent to him by mail from
Texas. lit being" he SAYS, 1.-The first
cent of any kind that we've received
for several weeks"
'Conductor. why didn't you wake
me up. rs asked You! Here am miles
beyond my station" Il did try, sir
but all could get you to say was: All
right. Maria. Get the children their
breakfast and I'll he down in IL min
ute"
The most diaholical pun ever invent
ed WAS perpetratcd 10y il very harmless
sort of person the other evening. When
Mr.. Soherlciuh read that il father in the
West had chopped his only son in two,
he innoccntly remarked that he didn't
think they ought to arrest man for
simply parting his heir in the middle"
\ little girl in the infant class of II
Brooklyn Sunday School appreciated
better the difference between being
good from choice and necessity than
many elders. At the close of recent
session the teacher said to her: "Beckic,
my dear. you were Il very good little
girl to-day "Ies'm, | couldn't help
bein' good. | got II tiff neck" the
youthful Beckie replied, with perfect
seriousness.
SELF-RESPECT.- Cook Ito Fcllow-scr-
want who has been after new placeJ.-
Well, Liza, will il suit ~ Eliza-''Not
if knows it Why, when got there,
hlc>t if there wasn't the two Young la
dies of the 'ouSe both a-usin' of one
piano at the same time. Well thinks
|, this has IL comm down in the worldr
SO thought | was best say good morn
I'M, PuRch.
\ pcnSioncr living somewhere i'm
Somerset County, Me-, was recently
heard to give expression to his grievan-
ces us follows: Il have been irving
for long time to get an increasement
on my didbitity, but my liars, (meaning
lawyersl ut Augusta, made my blOuchcrS
ont wrong and hain't got a cent of it
yet"
a conductor on the PENNSYLVANIA
Railroad tells the following At an
eastern station he received on board n
specimen of an old country
gentleman. When he passed through
the ears the old gentleman handed up
his ticket, which waS duly punched and
returned to hIm. After passing the