Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-04-24
HUMOROUS.

The London Chemist and Druggist says
/ Mr. Gelkirk of Cork sends u> a specimen Of
Irish grievances a. they are sometimes met
with in the chemists shop. The following
i an exact copy of paper sent to Us and
! lately received by our corre> pOndent Il
have a very bad stomach and SIC kneSs about
my hart and great heat rising up true me
aud sweeting in my face and at the but of
the troth (throat) alys sitting me and all
the trouble Of the wourrld in it and very
bound in the bouls and pain in my head.
and douse always be incline to discharge
my stomach, and never can, and i lave Of
ten great gripping an / a great hast (2) in
my lung, and i dose hi belshing up every
minte" The same Journal prints the follow
ing prescription. which was brougL not
long ago to druggr t in Yorkshire -
TOO penno-ih Oil Of Verflins
Wan pennort Seraph of Eylets
Wan pennor Ii Seraph Of Squeels."
The LouSriHe Cotrier-JomnGl.isd .is dismay ed
at the prospect of the wrath of the under
takers when cremation shall he generally
adopted.
THAT young aDd lively catlartic town
was what Fred Grant, the humorous lectnr-
er, called the town of Aver, Missl
Make tOddy
out OF good old rye.
tiln body
Drink that toddy
Need his nanny cry,
They make bricks out of bone dust in
Australia. The Milwaukee !Sntinei thinks
this is better than cremation. A widow. on
this plan, could take the hot bones of her
late lamented husband to bel with her to
warm her feet with.
James I. Fields says University boating is
an excellent thing, but it is tinse there
should be contests with another kind of skull
among our college students.
An indianapolis father shot six times at
supposed burglar, and was astonis he'd to
hear the fellow ask Nv hazz mazzer. flzzer?
whazzer doing?"
To young ladies-Beware ofthe m1r who
parts his hair in the middle. His hr, in is
generally parted in the same way.
\ Detroit paper noting the fact TINT
man fell down dead while eombip his mir.
says - And yet there are peop'e who will
persist in that dangerous habit
\ Delaware man committed suicide sinpiy
because some one left basket and baby on
his front step. lie was afraid his " ife
would object to step-children.
The remark ola severe lady, who saws
that male Is only mule spelled wrong, is SUI
plemented by the New Orleans Picayuae
with the declaration, according to Latin au-
.hosities, woman is muller
In one Of George Sands stories, she makes
a man say ''In one short hour I suffered
death thousand times oyer'' But what.
was tiS to having young mans paper col
lar bJrst on him at an evening party?
\ dear, good old lady out West, lost her
mrf and jumped from the cars after it. But
v hen they hacked up after her, the local re
porter pathetically remarks, deaths clam
my fingers had clutched her thrpat."
81 fear" said country minister to his
lock, ''when | explained to you in my last
charity sermon that philanthropy was the.
love of our Species you must have under
stood me to say specie, which may accou mt.
for the smallness Of the collection
The Philadelphia knight of the backing
brush is beginning to label his box ''Centen-
NAL Shine Only another way of saying a.
ten cent shine, probably.
An OK that had been eating iermented
grain, which was in preparation for making
ale, became intoxicated, and was offered for
sale hy its owner for "corned" l,eef.
An unfortunate in indianapolis. who lost
several toes by car-wheel, was. cousoled by
an lriShman near by with. slghist, there.
you're making more noise than many man
I've seen with his head off,