davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

RATHER amusing funerals they sometimes have
in New Hampshire. clergyman in one of the
cities, who had to pay the last honors to man
of doubtful character recently, began his remarks
by saying" 81 was not acquainted with the deceas-
ed, and therefore hardly know what to say ON
this OCCASION" He paused, when presently one
of the mourners, who had evidently been drown
ing his sorrow in the flowing bowl approached
him, and placing his hand Familiarity on his
shoulder, said: 'What! old Teller. (hic) don't yum
know Whilst He's (hic) one of the fellers (lic).
be was. Low me to intro (hic) duce We. Viii
lis" said the drunken man, addressing the corpse
"ths is Mr.. Brown; Mr.. Brown (hic). this is
Willis. Willis. my boy Mr.. Browns (hic) come
to preach yer funeral (hic) sermon" The drunk
en- man was hustled out and the funeral proceed
ed.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

How TO SAVE Coal IN OPEN GRATEs-The
Spectator remarks that "The most practiced suc-
gestion yet made towards economy of Goals seems
to be the use of solid bottoms in ordinary fire.
CRATES. 1t is asserted, and indeed proved, that
in any fireplace not excessively SMALL a plate of
iron placed upon the CRATE will save the consump-
ton of coal, reduce the smoke, and leave cheer
full, free-burnng fire. Quite sufficient air enters
through the bars, no poking is necessary and the
fire never goes out till the coal is consumed
There is no ash and no dust. every particle of
fuel being consumed. Any householder can try
this experiment, aud reduce his coal BILL say 30
per cent. at the cost of a shilling"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

A YOUNG lawyer in a country town asked some
of his friends to game of cards in his room, to
be followed by a little supper. Frogs were a new
species of food in that latitude and a dish of
them cooked in the choicest way was the feature
of the occasion. Supper time approached. and
during a lull in the conversation door suddenly
opened, and Milesian waiter, in n loud voice,
announced supper thus: "Mr. E, them fHds is
done, and supper is ready"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

WITNESS the talk overheard by an emissary of
the American Sunday Shool Union when trying
to establish a Sabbath-schO0 in the far South
west: 81 know there Is bug under the chip,
this thing, or that man wouldn't come way down
herea and make that Sunday-schoOl for nurhin'
aud gin books. Jist as sure as you're foot
high there's suthin' dead; mind what tell you.
Thar'll be some Teller round here sessing taxes
for it arter while, just like they do with the
district schools. rs been long thar"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

PORsoN's WIT-Professor Person being once
at dinner party, where the conversation turned
upon Capt. Cook and his celebrated voyages
around the world, an ignorant person, in order
to contribute his aite towards social intercourse
asked him:
"Pray, was Cook killed on his first voyagei"
81 believe he was" replied Person, Though
he did not mind it much, but immediately enter
ed upon the second"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

LoTIoN FOR THE HAIR, AS RECOMMENDED BY
DR. LococK.-Aqua ammonia oil sweet almonds
of each two drachms; spirits rosemary, one ounce;
oil ofmace, (essential oue-balf lrachm; rose-wat-
er, two and one-half ounces
First, mix the almond oil with the ammonia;
then, having added the oil of mace to the rose.
mary, shake them up with the oil and ammonia;
and finally add the rcse-water by degrees, and
mix well. To be used as a lotion, applied once a
day with a soft hair. brush.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

NASHVILLE parent was reading aloud to his
family highly complimentary notice of an sac
complished young lady" of that vicinity" "Ac-
complished Young lady," interrupted one of his
small olive branches; it don't take much to be
accomplished then; l know her, and she says
Il haven't saw and Il SEEM"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

THE Christian Union, Henry Wards Journal,
undertakes to acquit its senior on the ground of
his being This is difficult, but wise. A
congregation can sustain and love a fool, but
must rrpudiate an adnlterer. We once knew a
a Scotch banker who called upon by his
friends to put in a sworn plea Of not guilty to a
charge of bastardy. ana, ma" he responded, al
Gamma do that, mon; me reputation for chastity,
We ken, care moo about, but veracity is i'm
pOrtant to me business "-WdshiRgfOn Capital
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24
m00lD)Dq GRRR0hA SRBAihaanlghRY
CARROLL COUNTY. ILLINOIS.
Testimonials.

Saws Rev. ]. d. Smith. ID. D., Of Chicsgo:-"we
feel warranted in pronouncing this School. the
Mt Carroll Seminary. for all the highest purposes
Of education one Of the best in knowledge.
We regard IL as unsurpassed in the West. whether
as respects tro righteousness of the discipline or the
substantial value Of the instruction
Saws the Examining COMMITTEES Taken altoge-
Their the exercises demonstrated that the Mt Car
roll Seminary still stands where it has stood for the
last fifteen years the peer of any similar institution
in the West. The able corps of Teachers. and the
marvellous de7ree of thoroushness with which eve.
rything attempted is carried through aside frum its
many other attractions. render il most d, sirable
plaee for young lady to qualify herself for the du-
ties Of life. 1t is wonder the Mt Carroll
Seminary has attained il. present high position as
of the rery best schools for young ladies' in our
land"
Says reporter Of the Examination and Anniver.
sary Exercises Of the year just closed - school
has never been fuller, nor did itself more credit
than at the close Of the present year.
TIE annexed engraving is n correct representation
Of The Seminary and Grounds.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

SNEEzING is very seldom heard in parlors now
after the old folks have retired, for lovers bear
in mind the recipe given by DIR. Brown-Sequard
that sneezing can always be stopped by press
ing the upper lip-and act accordingly.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

TOLEDO editor has sore ear. He battles it
in lake Erie, applies twenty pounds of mutton
tallow, wraps it in an army blanket, props il up
with oal-timber, and keeps right along with his
ink-slnging.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

1T has been calculated that. in aetual waste OF
tissue; nne hour of mental labor is equivalent to
four hours of physical exertion If this is so,
Heaven help the editors
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

SAIDaPe nnsylvania political orator, warming up
rs he approached the climax of his speech &" Let
us conduct this campaign, fellow-citizens, upon
the principle enunciated by the immortal Lincoln,
With malice toward all, and charity to none'"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

"PA, who is Many Votersr" asked a Young
hopeful of his sire. Don't know him, my son.
Whyf" "Cos, saw you signin' his name to that
letter you got the other night askin' you to run
for alderman" "Sh-h-h, my son, here's nickel;
20 and get some candy.n-Nelc York Commercial
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

WHAT is the difference between stabbing a
man aud killing hogi One is assauting with
intent to kill, and the other is killing with intent
to salt.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

CLERGYMAN wants TO know whether we
would smoke nponSpur death-bed. Wonld he
black his boots upon his death-bed s-KiHgstoR
{ ". T. Free Press.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

II the time ever comes for the explanation of
the mysteries of this world, we shall be glad to
know why the young man who remarks on leav-
ing church, ~ can preach better sermon than
that myself" is content to wear out his life over
a counter at $50 month.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

You can get your boots blacked inside there, !"
said hotel clerk to guest, pointing TO the port
er's room. 81 don't want my boots blacked in
side" responded the stranger, in tones of aston
ishment
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

4 GOOD orchard involves in its planting and
care all the knowledge, vigilance tact effort over,
sigh, aud labor necessary to make man succeed
as A farmer.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

WHEN they told an Indiana woman that her
husband had been sliced up by a reaper, she i'm
patiently replied; "Well take the pieces to the
barn; 1 can't leave the gooseberry juice just
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

An Arizona girl shot her lover, and then nurs-
ed him tenderly until he died. His last words
were: 81 forgive you, Mary; you did it with an
ivory handled pistol"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

"THAT is money! asks an exchange. We
thought the answer was clear enough in our
younger and more circus-going days, bat, after
reading the late explanation in Congress, we are
forced TO give it up.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24
SAMARITAN
SPEEDILY CURED,

All Chronic Private and Yenereal Diseases Of both
at reasonable prices Young who are suffering from
nervous debility 50, rmafOrrhez seminal veakpess
weak nervous exhausted feeling no energy low spri,s
confused head weak memory nocturnal Involuntary Sc
minal emissions, with loss of power mpotency gonor
rhora syphilis. geet &C. permanently cured
Afflicted females married single can eonsnt nm. rer
sonaly or by letter about OF dfcues with tha
Of speedy relief All private eommHnieations
strictly CONFIDENTIAL Enclose tive stamps for illustrated
journal Of health complete treatise on ali chrop,e pr
vate and venereal diseases Of both sexes Also sort
lecture Marriage II is book that eyery family eugbt
to have and should be without it, II Is free 10 an
Address DR. 8 A RICHMOND. Up o. BOX 7sIl 81
Joseph Mo- Once gu Francis Street opposite the Pacific
Hotel apriloyl
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

The ME of Wooden boxes and barrels as recep-
tacles fof ashes is said to be the canse of nearly
one-thirfo of all the fires which occur in Ameri-
can eitie..
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

TEifRE must be an interchange of the pollen Of
flowers to make them productive, ana we must
depend on the insect for this service,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

NEW ORLEANS colored lady remarks tina. her
husband HOLDS the 'extnguished position of stu
parliamentary the metropolitan police
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

c. q day guaranteed to Agents. Address G. n
~to SrILvAS Co. St Paul ST., Baltimore Nd
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

-LETTER-HEADs BILLHRADs. ENVELOPES
MONTHLY STATEMENT BLANKS and all such worn
executed in the best stvie at the cAs.f .sfee
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24

SENSITIVE girl has broken of the match be-
canse he said she had foot like raisin box.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24
FEW GOOD REASONS.

IA Ssr InrentiOn, TuoRoUOHLr TEsTED and secured
by Letters Patent.
2.-Makes perfect STITCH, alike both sides, on
al kinds Of goods.
3.-RHns LIGHT, SMOOTH, NoisuEss and RATTD-best
combination Of qualities
I.-DuRABLE-Rgns for Years without Repairs.
5-WiH do all raeties Of Work and Fancy Stitching in
superior
els Host easily Managed by the operator Length Of
stitch may be altered while running and machine be
threaded without passing thread through holes
7.-Design Simple Ingenious Elegant forming the stitch
roui the of Cog Wheel Gears Rotary Cams Lever
Arms. Has the Automatic Drip FEED which iasTes
form length Of stitch at any speed Has Thread
Controller which allows easy Of needeba and
prerents injury TO thread.
S.-CoSsrRUcnOS most careful and FINISHED II is
ufactured by the st and experienced mechanics
the celebrated Remington IrrnoTy, Hion, ". Y.
Chicago Office, 231 State Street. july2m2.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24
SPECIAL NOTICE.

SPECIAL NOTICE.
Communication or Mileage Tickets,
At Three Cen per mile, for 500 or 1000 miles,
viii be sold personal application to General
respectively.
No halffare tickets will be sold except children un.
der twelve years Of age.
Excursion rates will not be granted unless special
agreement is made with General Passenger Agent to
number Of tickets required, &c.
CHAS. C. SMITH, w.. WHITE,
GeRI Superintendent, GeRT Pass Agt
ljan7I ATcHrsoS, KANSAS
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1874-09-24
SION 500 !: =: :: !: e: e; e:

For eosrERs and BILLS call at ths oEsf ONCE
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

TWENTY or more years ago, DR.. J.W.
Crowdus, young married man, left
old Kentucky and took up his abode
in Missouri. When the confederacy
went where the woodbine twineth, he
took wings and alighted in Dallas,
where he has stuck with the tenacity
of June bug. But, after so long an alb
sence from the land reclaimed from the
red man by Daniel Boone, Ben. Logan,
Hart, Thomas, Marshall, Todd and 9TH
ers, afterwards lifted to an imperisha-
bic pedestal by the eloquence of Clay,
Brown, Bibb, Crittenden and Bledsoe,
he and his helpmate determined once
more to tread the paths of youth, and,
somewhile ago, rolled out for Ken
lucky. They have had a good time, in
which 1--WE naturally infer) an early
acquaintance with old Bourbon and
sweet cider blue grass lawns and fine
stock, has been renewed. They en-
braced old friends, kissed new born
kith and kin, and were only saddened
by the sight Of many tombs carved in
their twenty years absence. Such is
the joy of earthly reunions, always
tempered by those silent admonitions
that imam is of few days and full OF
trouble--he cometh forth like flower
and is hewn down." But, be that as 1t
may, DIR. Crowdus and his lady are
welcomed home again by host of
friends. s
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

become healhens by any such sacrllego
on the remains OF dead kindred. II
the devil lncarnato were to-day 10 APP
pear on some Of the streets OF north
crn cities IN coach aud six, with liver
led drivers, some OF the low born but
now rich shoddyltcs would do him
reverence aud ape his implous man
ners,
"Dust thou mt and unto dust thou
shalt ieturn,n II u law ofdlvlne origin,
which all christian people have re-
specten Tor centuries gone by. The
disgusting and miserable arguments
put forth In defense Of this new out-
rage on the inherited instincts Of man
klnd--in favor of frying and stcwing
the bodies Of our kindred In their ashes
and boarding them up AZ keeppakes In
our parlors, Is too revolving 10 be toler-
ated by any but nm Unborn fool, u saw
age, or a stuck up shoddyite, who
thinks that responsibility IL attained
by panderlng to every new humbug
sprung upon the people. The pretense
that II Is economy In saving the OK
pense of burying our lost ones In
graves three by six feet, Is an outrage
on the benevolence Of Jehovah. God
created the earth as dwelling place
for man, and the pretense that It costs
too much TO bury the dead, while half
the world Is yet a wilderness, IL to con-
temylible to need refltation.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

lT is expected that the delegation of
business men from Kansas City, who
have been on commercial visit to
Galveston, will arrive in Dallas by this
mornings train, en- route for home.
OF course our people will extend to
them the courtesies due from one city
to another in such matters. The iden-
tity Of interest between Kansas City
Sherman, Dallas, Corsicana, McKin-
ney and all of our section, in building
up Galveston as a great outlet to ocean
navigation and cheap freights, cannot
be doubted. Our section is deeply in
terested in this matter, and when a
sister city four hundred miles north
takes the lead, we should arise as one
man and show our willingness to CO.
operate with them in fostering a city
SO situated as to offer us cheaper access
to the markets of the world than any
other.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

All day and all night the exhausted parti-
cles ofevery human system are passing of
through seven millions ofquarter-inch hose
that being about the length of the sweat.
ducts connected with the pores. Ii these are
INSTRUCTED, sickness ensues: If they We're
sealed up, the consequence would be death.
II is one of the provinces Of Hostetter's Stom-
ach Bitters to keep the superficial escape
pipes open, as we'll az those larger excretory
organs the bowels. The stomach and the
skin sympathize, and 1t is through the stom-
ach that the Bitters act upon the cuticle,
keeping IL moist, elastic and unfevered. The
famous vegetable invigorant Is II marvellous
medicine; no other preparation known con-
tains such variety of curative and preserva-
tive clements, or acts, at the same time, In
such variety OF beneficial ways. In dys-
pepsia 1t strengthens the stomach, improves
the appetite and controls the liver; in fe er
and ague, II breaks up the fits; in cases of
physical prostration, 1t is literally vital
specific.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

1T seems as If some species Of hum.
buggery must ever be present with the
American people. The latest is the
proposition to uproot all the christian
feeling of nearly nineteen centuries,
by burning the ashes instead of bury
Ing in mother earth the bodies of our
deceased kindred. It Is called crema-
ton. In other words, fools and bogus
scientists propose to give up a long
sanctioned christian custom, of return
ing human remains to the earth from
which they sprung in the garden of
Eden, by adopting the ideas Of heath
ems I'm the east, where, when man
dies, his wife il burnt aud her ashes
preserved in an urn. As matter of
course, this new and disgusting and re-
voting humbug will be adopted by
the shod'iyites and low born men of
accidental wealth In the north and
other old countries, as lunatic at
tempt to fix responsibility ON their
coarse blood and low origin. But
decent, civilized people. who lose their
parents, and have a decent respect for
their ancestors, will proudly scorn to
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

WE crave the indulgence ofour read
ers for the space appropriated to the
Sylvester-Santa Anna San Jacinto
question. For thirty-one years Sylves-
ter has lived In New Orleans, and by
some old friends was supposed to be
dead. He has not been blatant, and
never was, in sounding his own bugle, for
which he deserves respect, and believ-
ingthat in all such matters we should
give credit where it was due, we wrote
our article under the belief that he was
dead. To remain silent and see his
laurels plucked, whether through de-
sign or accident, would be craven.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

THE Enquirer reports the crops of
Collin county to be very promising.
Three weeks ago the farmers had the
buck ague on the wheat question,
thinking II was endangered by rust,
but later rains and fine weather now
guarantee an average of twenty-five
bushels per acre. The buck ague has
changed to complacent smiles of self
graduation. The same facts apply to
the country generally.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22
NEW ORLEA Ms, LA.

University OF Padova, Italy for several
years assistant physician TO the celebrated
Ricord, Paris; from
NEW ORLEANS, LA.
Having been for many years student at
the large hospitals of Paris, London. Vienna
and Copenhagen, and thorough, large and
varied practice during fifteen years, has
gained most thorough knowledge Of the
nature of all chronic diseases and the treat
ment thereof, and he has In his extensive
practice had an unparalleled success, and
very often effected a cure where every REM
edy had been tried and all hope of restora-
ton had been despaired OF.
Nobody who ever suffered of the tedio
and lite-embittering disease, Dyspepsia, has
ever In vain called on DIR. Billie. In every
case has he by his new method of treatment
restored the functions of the stomach and
with II tn health and vigor of the patient,
and many person does to-day, with graft.
tude, recall the moment he placed himself
under DR.. Bille's care.
For the treatment Of ladies' diseases, DR..
Bile is deservedlv renowned, and no lady
sIRilsTH19E from AAMsEFM9EHcEA DGsM stS
UTERl, or any other disease peculiar TO the
female system, should not fail to call on Or,
Bile, as they will quickly he relieved of
their suffering and ultimately restored to
Diseases Of the GENITo-URINARY OR.
CANS and chronic diseases Dir. Billie has
made q specially, and this scourge of hui
manity is easily and quickly overcome by
his new treatment.
Decline and nervous debility in old or
young is quickly and permanently cured
and full power restored. No man is too old
and no young man too debilitated that he
cannot he entirely invigorated by DR.. Bille's
treatment.
DIR. Billie has resided for years in New Or
leans, is endorsed by the medical fraternity
there, and by his skill and Knowledge has
obtained great reputation as specialist.
DIR. Bile wishes to call particular attention
to his new discovery by which he, by only
examining few drops of blood, can discov-
er IL there Is any syphilitic poison In the
blood, which Is OF the greatest Importance,
as the poison can lay quiet In the blood fer
years, then 10 break out with all its ravagas,
and no person who ever has venereal dis
eases can be sure that he IN cured without be-
ing examined by DR.. Bile.
Diseases OF the lungs, heart and kidneys
quickly relieved and finally cured.
DIR. Billie Is now in Galveston on visit to
Texas, Will be In Houston on May nth and
In
DALLAS about the Middle Of June.
Consultations confdentially In English,
German, French, Danish, Swedish and Nor
wegian. sidlm
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

A PRIEND nj CleburIe writes us that
the people have tlast withdrawn their
anathcmas at the thirteenth Legislature,
and propose now to honor them and
throw their darts at the fourteenth, II
II what Martin Van Buren, engrafted
upon our politics as maxim--"the
sober second thought OF the people"
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

We are glad TO see two Of the cross
streets, leading from Swiss to Elm,
among the lumber yards and across
the Pacific track and switches, being
opened to the public. Heretofore vehi-
cles had 10 travel halfa mile TO make
about two hundred yards of distance.
Keep on the good work till all parts Of
the city shall be conveniently connect
ed but be sure to distribute improve
ments fairly.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22
Tht9ailg4etala

AMONG the visitors at the state fair
ia Miss NeItle Power Houston, thcglIt
cd Texas poetess aud laughter Of Gen
cral Sam. Houston.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

THE magnificent new machinery
and factory OF Grove \ Waltz, on Elm,
Preston and Pacific avenue, will blow
the whistle and sing out tall aboard y
IN two or three days.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22

THE Houston Telegraph estimates
that full three thousand people reached
that city In the forty-eight hours pre-
cedIng the opening Of tho fur,
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1874-05-22
$4,000 Wanted.

A gentleman wishes to borrow, for twelve
months, the sum OF i've THOUSAND dollars, Ia
be secured by the best real estate guarantees.
apply 10
JOHN HENRY BROWN & vENABLE.
s6dlw - tf-e H1