New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-01-10
ECONOMICAL GOVERNMENT.


The following outlines for "a new play are
submitted TO the writer's of American comedy:
SCENE The Treasury Department workshop. Enter
a messenger, with spoke of u carriage wheel.
a Me, ito Foreman)-Mr. saville lChef Clerk
wants tins spoke repaired
Messenger-DouDle. OF course, stupid! Do You sup
pose the JIead Clerks Of our Department drive their
wives or sweethearts around In one-h0rse draysf
Foreman-Do look like a fooli Don't some OF 'em
have both kinds and when only spoke is sent down.
how'S a fellow to know which kind they ont OFF
Mcsscnger-Oh. see, your heads level Hurry the
thing up: US wanted before the holidays when there
| the avenue bright afternoons AMI then their New
Foreman Tell Mr. Saville wen do the best we can
but there's press for repairing just now We've
got pair Of shafts TO repair double team ana ivnch
min single dray set Of wheels lanfauct, silk np
hostery outshine Department of Justice 80, you
see we're pressed but think with the extra force of
temporary clerks" just put ON in the blacksmitshop,
Messenger-Well, I'll tell the boss you'll be on time
for HIM. .
Foreman docking the spoke)-DOnble you say; best
Spanish goat cushions brownie upholstery aud Innings
| monogram doors! All right; will be ON time.
SCENE 2-Same messenger at sadder's on Seven
Messenger-Hers is buckle that the Treasury De
saddler-Can't undertake. it for two months.
Messenger-Two months! The panic don't seem to
s.ddIer-No, indeed! There will he panic for
long the Treasury reserve holds out but that's got
Messenger-Ihats so but hear 'em talk mp there
getting in enough more from taxes before that's
gone keep things moving lively.
saddlcr-But can't repair your buckle this time be-
You see I've gotta meh-strap To mend up intoa
double set for department. aud gIrth 10 repair
single goi-nounted, You know-for another, ana
three sets, one single hut splendid and two double,
sort for vi the bureaus and all to be done by
New Year.
has got Ned. and since every else Is going
shine New Years. boss shan look dun by the
side of any one of 'em. Where can take 1t!
Saddler-Tnerc amt place in town can do il for
mouth. Every in the buslncss has got more mend.
ing than possibly do. You this newfangled
L., tu.x An
carriage business brisk II they don't spend It ALL they
have to what's lett in and you know nothing goes
hard in WashiD turning thing into the
Treasury-turnng out ~ popular enough ana, ny the
way reminds just let me change that buckle OF
yours into this splendid ready made double SET ana
can send the whole thing up al once
MessengerBu this buckle Is silver. and your set is
sadder-What of thatl How long have you been
messenger temporary clerk what use do you sup
nose have gold buckle am taking out just
take this with you, and when You get the harness aud
the bill for repairs, why charge 1t both you seei
Messenger-Surey. Make out your bill for repairs OF
harness. send 10 the chief clerk direct Good day
SCENE "a fashionable tailor's the avenue.
I, Enter driver and footman III livery.
Driver-Here is some cloth and silk Mssus the Secre
tar'sent down. and won't you please measure me aud
the fooman here, and repair Missuss two llveries-
long. doublebreasted, big gold buttons broad collar,
deep cuffs lined with this here blue silk quilted in,
know and Mssus says be sure and have it beat the
turnout of the AttorneyGenera all hollow. And re-
par MS pair OF tight Dreeches, with buttons down
the legs and Mssus while you at IT, Just get
couple Of kades for our hats aud get all this mend
without any fail, because we've got 10 stand around
among the other Secretaries teams at the Presidents
Tailor-All right. We're mighty hard pushed with our
repairs-ten sets IA I'm allve-hut tel Mls secretary
Those temporary clerks they sent us are pretty spry
with their needles.
Send bill up 10 the DiSburng Clerk and
make it out for repairs, do You understand r..
few Of e has I dSne E ny other
nm
Messenger (saluting C0mmandant. and handing him
the block OF Oak)--Secretary Robson wants this ship
Commandment ito marine on suardJ-Take this lunatic
Messenger-Here is letter from the Secretary which
forgot.
NAVY DEPARTMENT. WASHINGTON, ID. C.
SIR: The block the will hand you H. or II
II is not no matter piece Of the soop-oiwsr Galena
Congress is stinger than ever. and couldn't get new
sloops authorized but did get s5ooco0 for
Soa can d. up the Galens Take piece send and
spike il on s0mewhere. Make the new shp-when re-
tbs election going 80 that Plat will
be sure To get back. I've got quarter ot tne Two
nmnsh,re ~ Portsmouth, HOOPER and Twitchel at
Boston and 80 on round Sargent and his set ~ San
10 the marine)-Never mind taking this man Of.
TO az orderyJ-Give compliments 10 the Chief Of
Construction and Repair
Enter Chief CONSTRUCTOR
Chief Constructor-Aye aye, Sir Steam or sail How
MANY tonsf Please send down length OF keel, breadth
of nea and displacement and III tell the 10
call ali hands and clear out the yard ready TO begin.
Communication seem to understand this sort Of
thing. -
appointment he selects men who understand his ways
This good thing IL will keep busy repairing for
years ut least, and when a ship Is once launched
she have To be finished, matter who Is secretary
Whoever concludes Ia write the play can add to the
number OF scenes by following the messengers around
gasntters where single burners be repaired into
paror chandeliers. and 10 furniture establishments,
ing-roon sets, aud then If the whole play is written
upon the theory that exaggeraon Is almost not quite
impossible, II Will reflect side OF Washington
Court" lille with very considerable accuracy.
They are Boosting i'm Massachusetts OF the
prnmpI OI the SlaLe LaN OF sl1O000 on lhe