The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-11-07
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
MISUNDERSTANDING Nl,cs.

can be heard at Chicago
Preparatory 70 setting out to discover Tho
North Pole, the New York Heyald is writing al
fectionate farewell editorials on " The Mosquito
--Chtcdyo Post
Two Boston drummers representing soap and
brush houses, respectively, were in town last
week-and il was scrub" race for orders be
tween them.
Hearing that 100 barrels of rosin have been
sunk of Cape Fear, the Louisville Couricy-JouIn-
al exclams: "Oh, fddle-stlcks!"
In consequence of the rioting fighting and
gouging, perhaps, in New Orleans, glass eye
factory is to be started in that city
Witness this peni,ent paragraph from the pen
of the salamander Steel, Of the Washington
Chroniclt.
One Of our physicians recently gave patient
so much iron that he soon began to steal.
Young gentlemen attending school in Texas
are allowed two hours day to perfect themselves
in pistol practice.
A Louisville young woman soaked her clothes
with coal tar the other day, and set them on
fire, with the desired esult.-Cour0,-JO u'nm
Chicago reports that its public schools nave
more comfortable sittings since the abolition OF
corporal punishment.
Buffalo alderman parts his hair in the middle
and lisps, but he got into the Council by mis-
take. They intended to send him to the asylum
DGEbHry -N1cs.
A western editor, in speaking Of a recent poiit
ical victory, says that even the sheep celebrated
the glorious event With an unusual displap OF.
bunting,
The Chicago Poet and -naH kindly but firmly
objects TO book without preface, on the
ground tina; It resembles man without coun-
tenance.
One Of the Black Crook ballet girls fell on the
foot-lights, at San Francisco, few evenings
since, but escaped burning from the fact that
she had nothing on which could take firc--Nor
rst0icH HefdN.
A New Hampshire liquor dealer has posted up
in his shop, Children under ten years of age
VII not be allowed to get drunk on these prcmi-
ses unless accompanied by their parents" {
A Missouri doctor couldn't tell arsenic from
chalk until one of his patients died, and now lie Y
doesn't doctor any more The crowd left him in a
placid pond.-Detrot Press 4
An editorial notice Of woman's grocery store :
reads as follows; Her tomatoes are as red as |
her own checks, her indigo is as blue as her !
own eyes, and her pepper as hot as her own 9
temper :
Chicago reporters have to 20 into all sorts of il
places, and SO when one Of them is puzzled TO Il
make a headline any conscientious friend ad- |,
yises him to use a tinc tooth comb.-St LOuis II
Journal, N
a Cedar Rapids man paid for a ticket to Du- 81
buque and return, recently but refused the paste
board when the clerk handed IL to him, on the d
ground that the bills said he was entitled TO a a
round tiCket.-LbaJpguc Herald ~
Some enterprisng wasps started nest overall
night in the trousers of a boarder in Joliet ho- II
tel, and when the gentleman thrust his leg
through, next morning, the whole town wasn't &c
large enough to hold him. &c
Lancaster county, Pa, has an old lady who re -
Gently refused the gift Of a load of wood from a ~
tree struck by lightning through fear that some :"
OF the " fluid might remain IN the wood and
cause disaster TO her stove.-Er 81
A young man sent note TO his girl asking at -
what time he should call, and received in return f.
the following brief billet doux:. $,
deer JoN-Comet afpastate m
MARY Ia
Andy johnson points with prize to the fact v,
that Adam was q tailor. Andy always ncglccts ~.
10 state, however, that Adam reserted to the >;
trade when approaching the very Eve Of his 81
Louis Journal. "
The Detroit Free Press says that William Cu!- a.
len Bryant probably never put up a stove in his II
life. What does It suppose made him write "The to
Melancholy Days Have Gomez al
Kate Field says the man who has held her hand III
in his more than two or three seconds does not III
live. Who would have thought it could have fr
been SO suddenly al?-Uetroa Tribune, 81
Col. Fred Grant will marry Miss Ida Honorc, VI
sister OF Mrs. Potter Palmer in October.-Dosn e.
port Democrat. Whose sister will she be in No
Nal r.,
Why FreG's (as) sister OF course. n
Nantucket has had but two days rain and one 81 81
shower since the last OF June, but the people =,
were converted TO lager beer several years ago VI
and don't care much If il never ns.-BrookIyn D
Argus. v
New English male delivery :-Thc Duchess of
Edinburgh Of a son yesterday -CEicogo Post o .,
A darker preacher lining out a hymn from h
memory said
Plunged in gulf OF dark despair, V,
Ye wretched sinners--come out Of dar. q
go TO grass is swearing when used in New n
Hampshire. At least they are churching dea- =. -
con down there for using the expression. We'd ia
like to know what they say when they put up 81
stovepipes? W
An Iowa editor who attended Il party, was te
smitlen with the charms Of fair damsel who ~
wore rose on her forehead, and thus gushed ~
about it: IN
Above her nose d.
There 10 rose; :,
Below that rose ii
There is a nose. ~