Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1874-07-02
JEEMS AND LIE ON THEIR WEDDING
TOWER.

L J DNNA
were verdant; having been raised il
the wilds of Western Virginia neither
of them had ever been fifty miles from
home. They had heard of railways
steamboats,, locomotives and hotels
but had never experienced the com
forts of any of the aforementioned in
situations. Jeems and Lie had de
termined on this, the most importan
event in their lives, to visit the city
and see the world, particularly tina
portion known as Parkersburg. NJ
wonder that they were amused anC
delighted, when the locomotive, steam
ing and snorting, with the beautiful
crimson cars following it, came il
sight.
"Those your trunks?" said the bag.
gage master.
"Well, | sorter calculate them'I
EN-" said Jeems.
The trunks "a spotted hair trunk
and very old-fashioned valise) were
soon in the baggage car, followed by
Lie and Jeems.
s'Pll be darned if railroads amt {
fine thing" said Jeems, seating him
self on his luggage and carefully hold
ing up the tail of his tight-waisteC
blue, adorned with respondent meta
buttons, out of the dust. ''Lize, ST
here by me-"
"Come out of that" said the bag
| gage master, "you are in the wrong
car"
'The hell l am! Dye 'spose DOM
know what I'm bout? These is my
traps and / calculate to stay whal
they ar. Keep quiet, Lie; they say
we've got to fight our way through
the world, anyhow, and if that chap
with the cap on wants anything, why,
Pm his man. Don't want any yer
foolin round me!'
Here the captain interposed and ex-
planned matters, insomuch that Jeems
consented to leave his traps and fol-
low the captain. What was his de-
light when he surveyed the magniti.
cence of the frst-olass passenger car,
into which he was ushered. His i'm
agination had never in It's widest
flight, pictured anything half SO gor-
geous. He was aroused from the con-
temptation of the splendor around him
by the shrek of the iron horse.
"Jewhillkens! what in thunder's
that?" exclaimed Jeems.
"That's the horse squealing when
they punch him in the ribs with a
pitnhfnrk 70 mako him So alonS,'' oaia
a sleepy individual just behind him.
''Look here, stranger" said Jeems,
81 know you think Pm a darned fool,
maybe am; but there's one thing /
know, and that is, that you'll get your
mouth broke, eff you don't keep it shut.
/ don't say much"-just at that mo-
ment they found themselves in Egyp-
tian darkness, and then was heard
scream almost equal to that of the en-
CINE from Lie, as she threw up her
arms around the neck of Jeems.
81 knew it!'' exclaimed the sleepy
individual; "we are all lost, every
mothers son of us. We can iast pre-
pare to make the acquaintance of the
gentleman in black, who tends the big
fire down below"
ooh, Lord! Jeems, what will be-
come of us? felt skeery about gettin'
on the outlandish thing at fust."
"Keep quiet, Lie! hollering won't
do any good now. Eff you know any
prayer, now's your time to say it, for
both of us"
"What is the matter here?" said the
astonished conductor, coming up as
the train emerged once more into the
light.
"That's just what I'd like to know"
said Jeems, when he saw that Lize
and himself were still alive.
"We've just passed through Eaton's
tunnel" replied our polite captain
Chow far are you going?"
"Well, | reckon Wen stop at Par
kersburg."
"Show your tickets, if you please"
"Sartinly. Lie, you got some with
YOU! Let this gent look at EN-"
Lie drew piece of white paper
from her reticule, and with smile,
handed it to our friend, the captain,
who read:
"The pleasure of your company is
respectfully solicited etc.
"What's this?' said the captain.
"Why, that's one of the tickets to
our weddin'; that's what you asked
for, hain't it?" said the somewhat sur
prised Jeems.
"Whaw! whawl whaw. whaw!" was
the discordant sound that arose from
the seat of the sleepy looking individ-
ual.
A bland smile passed over the face
of the captain, as he explained the
meaning to our verdant friend. He
had no ticket, but willingly paid his
fare, and the train sped OF to its des-
tination. But wonders did not cease
here-presently our pert newsboy,
Billy, entered the car, and stepping up
to Jeems, he asked:
"Have Sun, sir?"
"Wall if / have my way about it, the
fust one will be son, sartin," said
Jeems. Lie blushed.
"Don't count your children before
they are hatched," said Billy, as be
fastened to the next car.
In due time the train stopped at the
big depot in the city. Amid the con-
fusion of strange noises, and the bab-
BILE of discordsnt voices, our friends
landed on the platform.
"Bus, sab? Bus, sab? free for the
United States!!' said the sable porter
of our up .tewn house. Lady take a
bus, sah?"
"Wall, rather 'spose she won't
from anybody but me--reckon I'm
able to do all in that line she wants,
and more, too"
go to the Swan House, sab? right
across the street-best house in The
city. This way, sir; any baggage?-
| Have it sent to your room in a few