Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-12-04
ajumoroiIs Shrtfbrs.

it. Pray explain yourself Nothing is
easier. In the first day Of your Illness,
when your life was in danger, | was your
good Bouyart; and now am Dr. Bou-
vart depend upon it vou are quite re-
covered
/ QUARTERMASTER of 4 regiment o!
Lighthouse. who was both heavy and tan,
ieercd an Irishman on the p1oneuess nf his
cointrymen to make bulls. Why. you
gigantic fool,' replied the irishman, my
country never made sach 4 bulIas England
did when she made yen iichl-h"r>eman.
AN augusta hen. nccAed husband closed
his testimony in his action for divorce from
his wife as follows: i don't want To say
anything agin the woman, Judge, but /
wish you could live with her little while,
and you'd think l had told the truth
WHAT shall we do with our daughters ?
inquiries Mrs. Livermorc, and Western
editor, an inhuman wretch, replies: ii
they are like their mothers-wear false hair,
corsets, and high -heeled shoes, powder and
paint. wiring their necks q once
DIDN'T l tell you to have my hot water
at the chamber door early in the morning,
sava@ely exclaimed a gentleman 20 his SER
want. Well, dang it, and didn't l bring
il up over night to make sure ont, re-
piled the servant, in an injured tone.
\ GENTLEMAN travelling on = steamer
one day at dinner was making way with a
large pudding close by, when he was told
by a servant that it was dessert. IT mat.
Gers not to me, said he. i would eat it il il
were wilderness
WASHINGTON IRVING once said of a
p0mpous American diplomatiSt' All, he is
4 great man, and in his own estimation 4
very great man, a man Of great weight.
VI ben he goes to the west the east tips up.
\ EED-NosED gentleman asked 4 wit
whether he believed in spirits. 'Ay, sir,
replied he, looking him in the face, i sec
too much evidence before me to doubt il.
Az inebriate man, walking along The
street, regarded the moon with sovereign
contempt. You needn't feel 50 proud,
he said, You are full only once a month,
and / am every night
THE boy who ran away from school to
go fishing all alone, and caught himself in
the lip, says he's got enough Of fishing on
his own hook.
EARTH, air, and sunlight, the servants
of man. The gardener has but TO plant his
cabbage and nature will put head on it.
WHY is an Old pocket-handkerchef like
an IN ole ship? because it has expert
enced many hard blow.
IT is proposed 70 substitute for the epi
thet. old maid, the more expressive one
Of old Virgin-ian.'
Two cats over one mouse, two wives in
one house, and two lovers after one young
laoy, never agree.
OF hat science does a man think wher
railway rain is coming towards him in
narrow cuFmg Engine-nearing.
>ANT0 wanted to buy sOr,,a land. but h,
had only halfenough money. Well, SAID
the agent, the price is $780, but III take
$3.50 and mortgage FOR the balance. in q
year aanbo scratched his wool. But
/ say, boss, pose felIer halu-t got NJ
morgitch : n vain the agent explained
when up siel'sl'ill and says, 4 can lucid.
that pint. 4 Anorgitch is like this yer
S'Yose you paysde boss $3.50 down, and
gives yer wora and honor Of an honest
Niger 10 pay hin de udder $3.50 in a year
den s'Pose on depry last day ob de yeal
yer pays SAG and lon'L pay him de oder
doliar' why den &c morg.ch says de boss
can Jess axe all De money ana de land,
and you den't have muffin not a cent.
""ily' boss, 4 morGitcL makes Niger
mighty honest
COULDN'T BEAR FEa.rEpITy.-Thcrs
was singular Illustration of this in tbe
New York Police Court L. other day
\ good-or-nothing-looking .ratcb wa,
brought up, charged with Drunkenness
ltwas a clear case. The testimo,y shove,
ha he had been 'On spree for : wcel,
iowas asked what he had to Say for b,n
ser Well Yer honor, said he, 'nID a.,
my women never did live easy together
This no excuse for your getting drunk
saidle Court. You're right, your honor
and) it ANT. We used 10 fight Ike ca
andog together; Drinking only mad
il wise, pat in the Court That's tru,
She scounged the life out Of me, an,
keptne poor, until last week. WHICH,
We what did she do last week = 'Sh
died. yer honor And you have bee
drum eva since 2 Yes, Yer honor;
ncve could bear prosperity
JAoB AND RACHEL Some time siuc
Il pay Of ladies and gentlemen went Oh
tour inspection through Durham Cast,
The lions were shown to them BIZ a
elder female ola sour, solemn and dignt
fed apect in the course Of their per,
orinaions they came To the celebrate
tapcsry for which the castle is 50 famed.
'Thse,' said the guide, in true showma
style favored with dash OF piety to sui
the subject, and pointing to several group
nrfrqrcs up0n Uhc CII'r7UrJ -,
sent sce,es ~ the life Of Jacob
--7n, yes-bow pretty : said a youn
lady; and with laugh, pointing at tw
Hgures IN somewha! close proximity. sh
continued, 4 suppose that is Jacob Eissin
Rachel =
No, madam. responded The indicnan
guide, with crushing dignity, that's L,co
'c'f.i''Hg 'cM tie angcl.'
The men haw-hawcd. the voupp lad,
suhsided and offered no farther expositor,
remarks, but groaned under a sense of mn
worthiness during the rest OF the visit
TIE Squantum Debating Society nro.
poses discussing the grammatical constrpc.
ton Of the signs displayed in public marks
'PleaSe-keep Off the grass Grass. il is ar
gned, does not fall upon You: and why
then, should YOU be asked to keep il OFF,
\ PENNSYLYANIA seven-ycar-oId was