Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-07-23

the ire of cruel Juno, and bufeted by the
worlds rude storms; you see me here stran-
ded wreck. Scarce three months past l left
my office in care of my worthy foreman, and
sought the peaceful wales and calm retreats
Of the Muskingum, where my childhood spor-
ted. Returning, stopped in Cincinnati. | fell
into evil company, and-but why dwell on
details? Enough that am, that I am-dis-
heartened, ruined, broke! A mark for scorn
to point her slow, unerring finger at. AS |
was about to give up everything else l had, |
thought of you. Sir am here. You have
not sent for me but 1 have come! Your name,
sir, is known and honored from one end Of this
great republic to the other. 1t
CLOVIS in the stars,
RefreSheS in the breeze,
Warns in the sun,
And blossoms on the trees.
When the National Treasury was threatened
by horde Of greedy Congressman you stood
like wall of adamant between the people
and those infamous salary-grabbers. Lend me
dollarP
"My dear sir" the Colonel hastened to ex-
plain, you mistake the case entirely. l was
one of the grabbers."
"You were?" (Grasping the Colonel's hand
warmly $50 much the better! Let me COZ
gratulate you that parsimonious public could
not frighten you out of what was fair remu-
neraton for your invaluable services. I am
glad that your pecuniary circumstances are so
much better than I supposed. Make 1t two
dollars"
And the Colonel did, It was the only
clean thing left for him to do.
----<-->--
A SCENE IN CHURcH.-Old Mr.. Collamore
is very deaf The other Sunday in the midst
of the services, Mr.. Hof, who sits Immediate
ly behind Mr. Collamore, saw spider travel
ing over the latter's bald-head. His first i'm
pulse was to nudge him and tell him about it !;
but he remembered that Colamore was deaf
so he lifted up his hand and brushed the spi-
der off. Hoff didn't aim quite high enough,
and consequently, in his nervousness, he hit Col.
lamore quite severe blow; the old man turned
around in a rage to see who had dared to
take such liberty with him, and Hoh began
to explain with gestures the cause Of the oc-
currence. But Collamore, in loud voice de-
manded what he meant. 1t was very pain
full to Hof. The eyes of the whole copgrega-
tion were upon him, and he grew red in the
face, and in desperation exclaimed: "There
was a spider on your headp' "a white place
on my head, hey? S'posen there is, what's
that to you ?" said Collamore "You'll know
what it is to be bald-headed yourself some
day." "It was spider" shrieked Hof', while
the congregation smiled, and the perspiration
began to roll off his face. Certainly its
WIDER" said Collamore, "and got more in it
than yours. But you let it alone-do you
mind? You let my head alone in church"
"Mr. Collamore," shrieked Hof, "there was
bug on your head, and brushed it of-this
way" and Hof' made another gesture at Col
lamores head. The old man thought he was
going to fight him then and there, and hur-
ling his hymn-book at Hof, he seized the
kneeling stool on the floor of the pew, and
was about to bang Mr.. Hof, when the sexton
interfered. An explanation was written on
the fy.leaf Of the hymn book, whereupon Mr..
Collamore apologized in boisterous voice,
and resumed his seat. Then the services pro-
ceeded They think of asking Mr.. Collamore
to worship elsewhere.
SPOILED HIS PIETY.-Horace Greeley used
to affirm that newspaper men were the most
patient people, as class, on earth and he
was not far from right, though there are
times when patience ceases to be virtue
with the most enduring. Nearly every body
in Michigan knows Burr, who used to start q
newspaper about once month the year
round, generally bringing them out in Grand
Rapids, but sometimes making flying trip
to other points. Burr could stand to be told
that he lied about circulation, was on the
fence as politician, and that he didn't know
any thing about publishing paper; and
when men threatened to sue or thrash him,
he only smiled sad smile and wished that
mankind wouldn't get excited. During a
religious revival in Grand Rapids, Burr was
converted, and it frequently happened that
religious people called at his office to talk
with him. One day minister came in, and
after talking a while he proposed prayer.
He was in the act of kneeling, when his foot
struck one of the outside forms, which was
leaning against leg of the stone, ready to be
lifted up, and over it went, making halfa-
bushel of "pi." Burr looked at the ruin
wrought, thought Of the two weeks of over
work, and commenced taking off his coat,
saying
III am trying to bea Christian, and set
good example; but rat my buttons if can t
lick you IN two minutes!
lhe clergyman backed down stairs III nv
time, lodging the lye-brush on the way, and
Burr back-slid at once and sent down for q
pint of stimulant.
sg- The Erie (Pa.,) Observer gives this ex-
tract from Sunday-school address of a pious
old man at Pithole: "Children, you are very
fortunate in being born in Christian land.
There are thousands in the world not so for
tunate. 1t is peculiarly gratifying to know
that you live in that portion of the earth
where the rocks pour forth rivers of oil. Now,
my dear children, there's the Mormons, they
worship old Norm there's the Mahomedans,
they worship old Mahom; the Heathans,
they worship old Heath; there's the Hindoos,
they worship old Hind ;and there's the Pagans,
they worship old Pag while here we are wor-
shipping whom we please. Teachers will now
hear their classes recite.'
Bar Scene on an excursion trip on steam
er on the Cumberland river a: Muchly excit-
ed Individual to the clerk: "Don't you see a
man there in the ladies' cabin hugging wo-
man" eyes," replied the clerk, "but what
are you going to do about it? Hasn't fel-
low right to embrace his own wife ?" "That's
Just what I want you to STOP" replied the
passenger, dancing around; "that's my wife
and I've stood it so long I've got mad!'
APRoM1s1SG Boy.-A boy, six years old,
having been much lectured by his father on
the babyishness of crying when any calamity
bonnoned cheered the paternal heart the