Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-08-27
PHUNNYGRAMS.

A sharp-talking lady was reproved
by her husband, who requested her 10
keep her tongue in her mouth. my
dear" she said, "it's against the law to
carry concealed weapons"
When Buffalo policeman fires at
dog, the dog reflects that he hasn't NOR
than twenty or thirty rounds yet to fire,
and, therefore, goes quietly about it
business Brookaya Argus
"A gentleman had valuable minia-
ture stolen from him few DAYS since.
"Oh, never mind, said tho friend to whom
he told his loss; everybody is having
his likeness taken nowadays"
One Of the meanest feelings in this
world comes to man when he rcscues q
young lady from drowning and learns that
she is to be married in three weeks to a
fellow with leg-o'-mutton whiskers.
--Tender-hearted persons who have
read of the fierce raids of Texan steers
through the streets of st. Louis will be
pleased to leaen from the market reports
that there is better feeling in Texas
cattle"
Prom the large reward asked for the
return of the stolen child it is probable
that the abductors are laboring under
the impression that it is Rothschld in
stead of Ross child they have in their
power.
The girl who generally writes her
name in straw hat, and married
millionaire through its influence, hasn't
been heard of this year. The millionaire
was probably married before the hat
came out.
Notes Of the storm still come in. A
visitor from Louisville was struck by the
wind, and as he flew up Wisconsin street
with his ears unfurled u gentleman re-
marked, ~ knew that wind would fetch
the circus-tent. "-Mit,ca,lkee Sentinel
A Sabbath-school teacher, de irous
OF waking the dormant powers of
scholar, asked the question: "What are
we taught by the historic incident Of
Jacob wrestling with the angely" The
cautious reply came Dunno, 'zactly,
but ! spose twas to tell US we mustn't
rastle."
When Tennessee husband will
horsewhip his wife for washing otatocs
in his Sunday plughat it is time TO In
quire whether this generation of men
isn't getting to be too COMPOUNDED high
toned for the age of the country-ACou-
rier Journal.
A certain deacon being accustomed
to snore while asleep in church, he re-
ceived the following polite note:
deacon - Is requested not to COM
mence snoring tomorrow until the SER
mon is begun, as some persons in the
neighborhood of his pew would like to
hear the text"
-" Herodotus, my son, what time is
its" inquired Mr.. Spilkins Of his son who
had just come home from college.
We'll, father" replied the youth, pull
ing out his watch, g let represent
eleven o'clock and equal ten minutes,
and KY is the answer" Spilkins pom
| dcred for n moment and then said he
thought 1t must be about bedtime.
"A small boy, telling his "pals" how
he came to be detected stealing apples
in grocery store, proceeded thus:
"Well, don't care so blamed much
about bein' SEEM but the clerk was cross
eyed, an thought he was watchin' dorg
fight cross the street but he was lookin'
square unto me, an he helped me clean
into the gutter!'-7erre Hauae hrpress.
-" Is my face dirtys' remarked Mer-
iden Comm young lady to her aunt
while at dinner at Hartford hotel the
other day. Dirty No. Why do you
Ask" Because that insulting waiter
insists upon putting a towel beside my
plate. I've thrown three under the
table, and yet every time he comes
around he puts another one before me-"
New York dog-seler - ioquitur:
" You see, sir we keep all kinds here.
Now, that little toy terrier on the floor
there, he's worth 800. A lady came in
her carriage yesterday from uptown,
and says she, i want that dog he's
darling; I'll give you &75 for him, but
my price was 800 and | didn't weaken.
Bless you, she'll be down to-day and
have that fellow out of this with silver
collar around his neck and a long ribbon
to lead him Then she'll be back with
him sick in week from overfeed and
want me to cure him. Ila! hal" with
some contempt in his voice. these
women are wise as sarpnts with the
men, but they don't know nothin' bout
dogs!"