Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-05-15
Fl U " O r.

SET To MUsIc.-Some one has got hold
Of the newspaper bore and set him to mus
ic as follows =
s'He drops into my easy chair.
And asks about the news;
He peers into my manuscript,
And gives his candid views
He tells me where he likes the line,
And where he's forced to grieve,
He takes the strangest liberties,
But never takes his leave ~
Ii cremation comes in, the Philadelphia
ledger" will have to produce new style
OF obituary verse. The following has al
ready been suggested
"And this is all that's left Of thee,
Thou fairest of earth's daughters
Only four pounds Of ashes white
Out Of one hundred and fourteen and
three-quarters ~
The jacksonville "Times" prints this
sensible paragraph Correspondents will
oblige us very materially if, in their arti-
cles, they will confine themselves to the
use of either 'we' or t. The indiscrimi-
nate use Of both is vexatious. Neither is
it necessary to quote every other word and
and italicise the rest.'
A haggard-looking person stuck his head
in at the City Editors door yesterday
morning, and said Beautiful sn-,"
when paper weight took him between the
eyes, and he rolled on down STAIRS. saying,
"O-o-o-h % every bump. Ohio State Jour-
nal.
The Siamese twins were Baptists.-
ssBut," says the ''Presbyterian. s'sup-
pose one had been a disbeliever, how could
the other have been immersed ?" But an
other says they were not Baptists- they
were United Brethren
A junior asked young lady the follow
ing conundrum eff small girls are waits
are large ones WALTERS % Certainly"
she replied. eat any rate, the boys are in
the habit Of applying them to their lips in
sealing their vows"
A Brooklyn sea-captain, just returned
from tour of the Holy Land, expressed
himself Disguised with Jerusalem. sit is
the meanest place ever visited ! There
is not drop of liquor in the old town fit
to drink
80 why should the spirit of mortal be
sad 20 exclaims the Milwaukee "Senti-
nel,'' ''when New Orleans Molasses sells
at fourteen cents per quart, and buck
VIII ic i in "
packages
A paper in Nebraska, under the head of
can hour with our business men, de-
scribes two saloons, and ends the item
with the remark, 'FThis completes the
round of the business houses on the public
square,"
A model husband from the land of fc-
ton t'He admired his wife SO much that
he used to light the candle three times every
night to look at her /; and he became
very celebrated bankrupt two OF three,
times.''
A Dubuque paper says that Victoria
Woodruff is rich in wi logic and pathos,
strong in argument and pointed in appli-
cations, but she doesn't pay her printing
bills when she can help it.
The Saturday Review tell of Scotch
clergyman who quoted a text Of Scripture
in his prayer, and added For that, O
Lord, is the correct translation of the pas
sage" Fed
A st. Paul locomotive threw a man one
hundred and eighty feet through a tressle-
work bridge and didn't hurt him, which is
another recommendation for Western eli
mate
1t is astonishing how rapidly young
mans emotions will change, when a lady
relieves her waist from his encircling arm
by inserting about one inch of hair-pin in
it.
When Maryland doctor spells it SAC
cufortus," is it any wonder that patients
die on his hands Another doctor spells
corrosive sublimate ''coros of sublimate.'
During revival at Green'Bay, "a citizenis
reported to have arisen and asked to be
forgiven for having been subscriber to
the Chicago Chimes" for nineteen years.
o.
Minnie-Im in such quandary for if
turn my back Oh Charley, he becomes Of
Tended at once and if I don't he can't
see my new buckle What shall l do?
An observer has noticed that the men
who interrupt the end of a play by break
ing for the door, always have low fore
heads and scrubby hair.
Gracious mei'' exclaimed lady in the
witness-bow, chow should | know any,
thing about anything don't know any
thing about 7"
Jones, being told that he looked seedy.
and asked what business he was in, replied.
AThe hard wear business-look at nv
wardrobe
Another remedy has been discovered for
rheumatism in London. 1t is hot sand
bath. This makes 1884 remedies in
fallible.
A lady lecturer believes that women
ought to retain their own names when they
gel, married. She has retained hers thus
far
.I8 A chiEopodist announces on his cards
that he has removed corns from several
of the crowned heads of Europe'
'Crusade cordiaEs is already advocated
as a summer drink. Santa Cruz, proba-
BY, under a new name.