Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-12-18
Uncle Joo and His Kicking Cow.

PEANUTvILLE, Dec. 10th, 1874.
EDIToR BUIETIN:-"U Uncle Joe" bought
Il cow of Granger that kicked him over,
and forthwith he proceeds to libel her in
the BULLETIN.
He does not say she ever kicked but
once: lie does not tell what prOvocation
she had, lie does not state the eircum-
stances under which she acted. For my
part my sympathies are always on the
side of injured innocence In this case,
| side with the cow 1t is quite likely
that bee stung the poor brute just as
Uncle Joe approached, and the kick that
upset the old gentleman, was designed for
the bee instead of him. It is possible
that it was the natural overflow of the eX-
uberance of her spirits; it might have
been simply one of the manifestations of
the excentrcities of genius. There is no
proof of malice or forethought Nothing
in this world is absolutely perfect. As
Professor Gabriel, the celebrated Phrcn-
oogist, so wisely remarked after having
examined three hundred thousand heads
or thereabouts, 'that God did not locate
all the good points under any one mans
hat" so with equal truth it may be
affirmed, that all the virtues were never
vet wrapped up in one cow hide.
Does she give good mess of MILK is
it rich? Does she make good butter? is it
yellow? Does she like women? Is she
amiable with children? Is she handy
with her horns? If all these points can
be suitably answered, how unjust to rail
against her merely because she has an
awkward way with her hind foot. In
fact. some concession should be made to
such a COW; and if that peculiar motion
of her foot results in standing Uncle Joe
the other end up, he should, by all means
approach her standing on his head, then,
when she upsets him. he will find himself
on his feet and ready for business.
Now. though | am not personally &C
ouainted SSith the details of this case, vel
from Uncle Jocs own showing, ! believe
the COW understands the business of the
dairy better than he does himself. 1t has
been the only business of her life, where
as he is by profession book -pcddlar, with
ouitc imperfect notions of what is due tC
a COW. lie no doubt violated the rules OF
etiquette for such cases, and nut on airs
and probably undertook to milk her from
the wrong side possibly from the wrong
end-and being unable to speak she re
called him. with such means rs she had, t.
a sense Of propriety.
Finally, it is more than probable that
the old COW thought there was principle
ut stake of such importance that it dwarfed
every other consideration. This COW is Il
Granger. From her earliest known his
tory She has been under Granger tutorage
She has been brought up to hate peddlars,
patent right men and travelling specula
tors generally. "Uncle joe is peddler
his boots not even being polished with
BARNARD manure, and when he showed
himself in the coward, all starched and
shining, with the offensive smell of his
itinerant occupation upon him, it was
such an oilcnse in her nostrils that she re-
scented the indignity by transforming my
Uncle Joe from Il spruce book-pcddlei
into a ground and lofty tumbler," and
initiating him into one degree not laid
down in the books of the Patrons OF Ilus
bandry UNCLE Tom