Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1874-08-15
AsHTABULA, OHIO, SATURDAY, AUGUST 49, 1874
.ot ,or Roor;no Tbnnder.oust,

cat-you, Roaring Thunder-gust-
you, Bully-Boy with-a-G -Glas-Eye-
the pale face from beyond the great
water greets you! War and pesti-
lence has thinned your ranks and de-
stroyed your once proud nation. Po-
ker and seven-up, and vain mod
ern expense of soap, unknown to
your glorious ancestors, have depict
ed your purses. Appropriating, in
simplicity the property of Others has
gotten you into trouble. Misrepre-
senting facts in your simple ignor.
ance, has damaged your reputation
with the soul-usurper. Trading for
forty rod whisky to enable you to
get drunk and happy and toma-
hawk our families, has played the
everlasting mischief with the pictur-
esque pomp of your dress, and here
you are, in the broad light of the
nineteenth century gotten up like
the ragtag and bobtail of the pur-
lieus of New York! For shamel Re
member your ancestors! Recall their
mighty deeds! Remember Uncnsi-
and Red Jacket!-and Hole-ln-the-
Bsy!-and Horace Greely! Emulate
their achievements. Unfurl your
selves under my banner, noble say
ages, illustrious gutter snipe-"
"Down with him!"
SCOOP the blaggard!"
''Hang him!''
'sDrownd him!'
1t was the quickest operation l ev-
er saw. Isimply saw sudden fash
in the air of clubs, brickbats, fists,
bead baskets, moccasins-a single
flash and they all appeared to hit me
at once, and no two of them in the
same place. In the next instant the
entire tribe was upon me. They tore
all my clothes off me, they broke
my legs and arms, they gave me a
thump that dented the top of my
head till it would hold water like a
saucer, and to crown their disgrace
full proceeding and add insult to in
jury, they threw me over the Horse
shoe Fall, and got wet.
About ninety-nine or one hundred
feet from the top the remains of my
vest caught on a projecting rock and
/ was almost drowned before l
could get loose. l got off, finally,
and brought up in a world of white
foam at the foot of the fall, whose
celled and bubbly masses lowered
up several inches above my head.
OF course, l got into the eddy. l
sailed round and round in it forty
four times-chasing a chip, and
gaining on teach round trip, half
mile-reaching for the same bush
on the bank forty-four times, and
just exactly missing it by hairs
breadth each time. At last a man
came down and sat down close to
that bush, and put a pipe in his
mouth, lit match, and followed me
with one eye and kept the other on
the match while he sheltered it in
his hands from the wind. Presently
a puff of wind blew it out. The
next time l swept around him he
said:
''Got match?"
''Yes-in my other vest. Help me
out, please"
ftNot for Joe."
When l came around again, l
said:
''Excuse the seemingly imperti-
nent curiosity of a drowning man,
but will you explain this singular
conduct of yours?"
"With pleasure. l am the Coro-
ner. Don't hurry on my account. I
can wait for you. But 1 wish 1 had
a match"
1 said, "Take my place, and I'll
go and get one for you"
He declined. This lack of conf
dence on his part created GOODNESS
between us, and from that time for
ward I avoided him. 1t was my idea,
in case anything happened to me to
so time the occurrence as to throw
my custom into the hands of the op-
position Coroner, on the American
side. At last a policeman came
along and arrested me for disturbing
the peace by yelling at people for
help. The Judge fined me, but 1
had the advantage of him. Ny mon
ey was with my pantaloons, and my
pantaloons were with the Indians.
j Thus escaped. l am now lying
in a very critical condition. At
least / am lying, anyway-critical or
not critical. @
am hurt all over, but l cannot
tell the full extent yet, because the
doctor is not done the inventory.
He will make out my manifest this
evening: However, thus far, he
thinks only six of my wounds are fa-
tai. / don't mind the others.
Upon gaining my right mind, l
said:
at is an awfully savage tribe of
Indians that do the bead work and
noccasins for Niagara Falls, doctor.
Where are they from? m
/ shall not be able to finish my re-
marks about Niagara Falls until 1
get better.