davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

"HUsDAND," said the wife of young
clergyman, "read me one of your SER
mons. / feel dreadfully wakelul tonight,
and wish to sleep"
"GRACIoUs me p exclaimed lady in
Boston witness-box, chow should L
know anything about anything l don't
know anything aboutg
"IHoI.D it to be fact" says Pascal,
"that if all persons knew what they
said of each other, there would not be
any friends in the world"
SOMEBODY says Yale College students
study one hour per day, pull boat three,
box two, and talk about athletic matters
the rest of the twenty-four.
WHEN fellow talks too long, and
there is signs of coming funeral, it is
the correct thing to hand him card up
on which is inscribed, "Hire hail."
IT is pronounced an ominous sign
when a man, who has been married
scarcely twelve months, begins to betray
an abnormal interest in the causes Of
lock,jaw.
A CARPENTER being asked for a riddle,
propounded the following: 81 picked it
up, couldn't find it, put it down, and
went along with it," No one could guess
it. 1t was a splinter in his foot.
FRANCIS JOSEPH, the Emperor of Aus
tria, owns four hundred horses; and,
though he has over one hundred carri-
ages, and, being emperor, he can do as
he pleases, he seldom rides out in more
than one at time.
FATHER TAYLOR, while lecturing on
temperance, was Missed by one of his
hearers, notorious drunkard. Taylor
stopped, pointed to the offender, and
said "There's red nose got into cold
water don't you hear it hiss?"
"BoY," said traveller to disobedient
youth whom he encountered, don't you
hear your father speaking to you ?"
"Oh, y-a-a-s," replied the youth, but L
don't mind what he says. Mother don't
neither; and, twixt she and !, we've
about got the dog so he don't"
"Iown that she has charming locks
That on her shoulders fall;
What would you say to see The Dor
In which she keeps them all?
Her taper fingers, II is true,
Are difficult to match;
/ wish, my friend, you only knew
How terribly they scrdtch!"
"PvE got 'em again" shouted Mis-
sissippi boatman, when first the comet
burst upon his bewildered vision. And
then he wildly proceeded to relate his
experience "Snakes I've had before,
and now the stars kave got tails on emp
So much for knowing too much of whisky
and too little of astronomy.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10
Four MOney-Making Rules OF ROths-
child.

Rothschild commonly ascribed his early
success, in great degree, to the follow
ing rules:
First-I combined three profits; !
made the manufacturer my customer, and
the one bought of my customer-that
is, supplied the manufacturer with raw
materials and dyes, on each of which l
made profit and took his manufactured
goods, which sold at "A profit, and thus
combined three profits.
Second-Make bargain at once. BE
an of-hand man.
Third--Never hare anything 10 do with
an wlucky man orpiace. have seen many
clever men who had not shoes to their
feet: / never act with them; their ad-
vice sounds very well, but fate is against
them--they cannot go on Themselves
how can they do good for me?
Fourth-Be cautious and bold 1t re-
quires a great deal of boldness and a
great deal of caution to make great for
tune, and when you have got it, it re-
quires ten times as much wit TO keep it.
This last idea was one which Roths-
child frequently expressed; it forms a
passage in his memorable conversation
with Sir Thomas Buxton, and there is no
doubt he was thoroughly impressed with
its truth.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10
An Unpleasant DenOuement.

In some parts of Europe it is not unu-
sual to bring about matrimonial engage
ments by means of advertisements.
Some years ago it was agreed in gay
party of ladies and gentlemen in Lon
don, that an advertisement should be in
serted i'm q morning paper, as from a
young lady, rich and beautiful, who felt
inclined to the state of matrimOny. In
the course of the day letters were re-
ceived from between forty and fifty
swains Of all descriptions, in reply to
each of whom an answer was addressed
stating that the lady wished, previous to
his being introduced to her, to see him,
at the same time requesting each to be
in the pit of the Drury Lane Theater,
on the following evening, dressed in
blue coat, white pantalOons, and a scar
let vest, and Immediately on the conclu-
sion of the first act to stand upon the
benches, flourish white handkerchief in
one hand, and apply glass to the right
eye with the other. Everything sue
ceeded 80 well that as soon as the curtain
fell about fifty individuals, of all ages.
forthwith mounted the benches, from the
smooth-chinned Adonis of eighteen to
the sleek, portly, selfconfident widower
of fifty and the emaciated bachelor of
sixty, dressed in uniform according to
orders, in the gayest style and the ut
most nicely, to make the deeper impress
sion on the heart of the fair prize. High
swelled their bosoms with hope rs, with
studied action, the handkerchief was
fourished, and the glass was raised to the
eye. But who shall paint the astonish-
ment, dismay, and rage which were de-
picted in every countenance as they
gazed upon each other, and discovered
the sudden failure of all their hopes
With almost incredible velocity they de-
scended from their unenviable attitudes
to "hide their diminished heads" among
the crowd.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10
Hadn't Got Used to It.

A curious incident recently occurred
on western railroad train. AS the
cars were moving away from the depot, a
pretty young woman came from the la
dies car, and, rushing into the smoking
car, frantically appealed to everybody to
stop the train. Catching sight of the
conductor, she exclaimed, piteously, "Mr.
Conductor, do please stop the train II I've
left my babyW The train was stopped,
and baby recovered, amidst the hearty
cheers Of the people on the platform and
the passengers; and while the young
mother laughed and cried and hugged
her little one, she tried to explain how
the baby was such new one that she
hadn't got used to II yet,
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10
The Two Sexes.
From the Detroit Free Press.

There is nearly always something of
natures own gentility in all young wo-
men Except, indeed, when they get to-
gether and fall giggling). 1t shames
us men to see how much sooner they are
polished into conventional shape than
our rough masculine angels. A vulgar
boy requires heaven knows what assidu-
ity to move three steps, do not say like
a gentleman, but like boy with soul
in him; but give the least advantage of
society or tuition to peasant girl, and
a hundred to one but she will glide into
refinement before the boy can make a bow
without upsetting the table. There is a
sentiment in all women, and that gives
delicay to thought and taste to manner.
With men it is generally acquired, an off
spring of the intellectual quality, not, as
with the other sex, of the moral.-But'oer
TUffon
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

Backward, turn backward, oh, Time, In your aigi
Make me child again, Just for tonight
Mother, come back from the echoless shore,
lake me again TO your heart "A of yore;
Kiss from my forehead the burrows of care
smooth the few silver threads out of my hair;
Over my slumbers your loving watch keep;
itock me to sleep, mother---rock mo to sleep!
backward, aow backward, oh tide of the years
am so weary OF tolls and OF tears
Toll without reoompense---tears all In vain;
Take me and give me TO my childhood again.
have grown weary Of dust and decay,
Weary OF flingng my souls wealth away;
Weary OF sowing for others TO reap;
Rock me 10 sleep, mother---rock me to sleepl
Tired of the hollow, the base, the untrue,
Mother, oh, mother, my heart calls for you!
Many summer the grass has grown green,
Blossomed and faded, our faces between;
Yet with strong yearnings and passionate pain,
Long tonight for your presence again;
Come from the silence so long and so deep;
Reck me to sleep, mother---rock Inc to sleep!
Over my heart in the days that are flown,
No love like mothers love ever has shown;
No other worship abides and endures,
Faithful, unselhsh, and patient like yours.
None Ike mother can charm away pain
From the sick soul and word-weary brain;
Slumber's soft calm DER my heavy lids creep;
Rock me to sleep, mother---rock me to sleep!
Come let your brown hair, just lighted with gold,
Fall on your shoulders again as OF old
Let 1t fall over my forehead tonight
Shading my faint eyes away from the light;
For with its sunny -edged shadows once more
Hap'ly, will throng the sweet visions Of yore,
Lovingly, softly, its bright pillows sweep;
Rock ME to Sleep mother--rock me to sleepl
Mother, dear mother the years have been long
since last hushed to your lullaby song;
Sing them and unto my soul II shall seem
Womanhood's years have been but dream;
clasp to your arms in loving embrace,
With your light lashes Just sweeping my face,
Never hereafter to wake or TO weep;
Rock me to sleep, mOther---rock me TO sleep!
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

IF the accounts of travellers may be re-
lied on, Upper Burmah must be the very
Utopia of the Crusaders dreams. When
convivial gentleman of that country is
discovered to have partaken enthusiast
ically of the cheerful cup, and to have
been made merry Herewith, he is imme-
diately captured by the State Ministers.
These worthless then parade him in an
unpleasant fashion through the streets,
proclaiming the crime at the street cor
ners, and varying their proceedings by
lashing him energetically with thongs.
Then he is marched off TO the high court,
and after receiving still more severe
whipping, is sent home. If he does it
again, he undergoes the same graceful
lesson, and is then banishcd from his
country.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

THE unheard-of defense was lately set
up by young man who was sued for a
breach Of promise Of marriage, that he
broke off the engagement because the
young lady was deficient in conversa-
tional powers. lie couldn' max. the
jury, who we're all married men, swallow
any such nonsense, and they mulcted
him In verdict of q thousand dollars.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

A GLASGOW cabinet-maker, named
Newton, has during his leisure hours for
the past twenty-one years been engaged
upon a large model, just completed, of
Solomon's Temple, constructed of many
kinds of fancy wood, with strict adj
herence to the description of it to be
found in the Scriptures. There are sep
arate models, in the same style, of the
Tabernacle and the Holy of Holes.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

How overpowering are the mingled
murmur, clang, tramp and rattle Of
body Of troops, with all their footsteps,
horses, arms, artillery and varied voices!
How insignificant compared with this
uproar the speech Of a single mouth !
Yet the whisper Of one mouth sets In
motion and drives on to death and de-
vastation twenty such bodies, comprising,
perhaps, hundred thousand human
lives
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

A YOUNG bootblack observed neigh
Dor pointing wisely over a newspaper,
whereupon he addressed him thus: "Ju-
lius, what are you looking Mt that paper
forY You can't read" "Go away"
cried the other, Indignantly; "guess I
can read rs big enuff for dat" "Big
enuff!" retorted the other, Indignantly,
"dat amt muffin. A COW is big enough
to catch mice, but she can't"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

A DREADFUL TRUNK.-The Detroit
Free Press says Saturday morning
there came over the Great Western road,
on its way West, a trunk which made
the hair of the baggage-smashers stand
right up. IL was thirty-four inches long,
three feet wide, and was made of solid
boiler iron, an eighth of an inch thick.
The handles we're of iron, riveted on
with great bolts, and the lid was fas-
tened down with an immense paddock.
On the end of the trunk was painted the
words: She can stand itp and on the
other: More comingp The railroad
men groaned aloud as they walked
around them trunk and viewed il from
every angle, and two omnibus men, who
thought the owner was going to stop
over. made tracks out Of the depot"
= -
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

DURING the present season one hun
dred families, numbering over FIVE hun
dred persons, from the Tyrol and Saxony-
have settled on land owned by +. ID,
Ward, near Forestville, In Sanilac county
Michigan,
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-09-10

The word comet Is from the Greek,
and means, literally, "a hairy star"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03
IndisputabIe Evidence.
ST. ELMO. TIL Julv &. ia

ST. ELMO Ill, July 3, 1874.
r. Y. PIERCE M. D., Buffalo, N. vi wish
to add my testimony to the wonderful cura-
tive properties of your Alt. Ext, or Golden
Medical Discovery. I have taken great in-
terest in this medicine since I first used it.
was badly afflicted with dyspepsia, liver de-
ranged and an almost perfect prOstratiOn Of
the nervous system. So rapid and complete
did the Discovery effect perfect cure that it
seemed more like magic and a perfect wonder
to myself, and since that time we have never
been without bottle of the Discovery and
Purgatlve Pellets in the house. They are
solid, sound family physician in the house,
ant ready at all times to fly to the relief of
slckness-without charge. We have never
had a doctor in the house since we first began
the use OF your Pellets and Dicovery. have
recommended the use of these medicines in
several severe and complicated cases arising
from, as | thought an impure state of the
blood, and in no one case have they failed to
more than accomplish all they are claimed to
DO. l will only mention one as remarkable
enough L could give you ens)-Henry
Roster, furniture dealer of this place, who
was one of the most pitiful objects ever seen,
his face swollen OUT of shape scales and
eruptions without end extending to his body.
which was completely covered with blotches
and scales. Nothing that he took seemed to
affect it a particle. I finally induced him to
trya few bottles of the Golden Medical Dis
covery, with daily use of the Pellets, assuring
him it would surely cure him. He commenced
it's use some six weeks since taking two
Pellets each night for week. then one each
night, and the Discovery as directed. The re-
suit is to-day his skin is perfectly smooth, and
the scaly eruptions are gone. He has taken
some seven or eight bottles in all, and con-
siders himself cured. This case had baffled
the skill of our best physicians. Messrs.
Dunsford & Co., druggists of this place, are
selling largely of your medicines, and the de-
mand steadily increases, and they give perfect
satisfaction in every case. Respectfully,
W. 81. CHMPL1N, Agt. Am. Exp. Co.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03
DIR. J. Walkers California Win.

DIR. J. Walkers California Tih,
egar Bitters are a purely Vegetable
preparation, made chiefly from the ma
tive herbs found on the lower ranges OF
the Sierra Nevada mountains of Califor.
MIA, the medicinal properties of which
are extracted therefrom without the use
of Alcohol. The question is almost
daily asked, 'What is the cause of the
unparalleled success of VINEGAR BIT
TERSW Our answer is, that they remove
the cause of disease, and the patient re-
covers his health. They are the great
blood purifier and & life giving principle,
perfect Renovation and .Invigorator
of the system. Never before III the
history of the world has medicine been
compounded possessing the remarkable
qualities of VINEGAR BITTERs in healing the
sick of every disease. man is heir to. They
are gentle Purgative as well as a Tonic,
relieving Congestion or Inflammation of
the Liver and Visceral Organs. i'll Bilious
Diseases.
The properties of DR.. WALKERS
VINEGAR BITTERs are Aperient, DiaPhoretic.
Carminative, Nutritious, Laxative, Diuretic,
Sedative, Counter Irritant, Sudorifc, Altera
tive, and Anti Bilious.
r. III nIcTONALD & Co,
Druggi7ts and Gen AgCS., San Francisco California
and cor. OF Washington and Charlton SITS. N 7.
Sold by all Druggists and Dealers.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03
yravel of q walk below and spread out his

gravel of walk below and spread out his
fnely-shaped limbs in the most lifelike
or lifeless manner. Then we rushed
down again, and gave him decent
burial in neighboring field. Recess
being over, we went into school to re-
ceive five black marks each for disor-
derby conduct, our claim tb at we were
only experimenting on the law of gray
ity, though upsetting the masters
gravity, not doing much toward alleviat-
ing our punishment. One girl had
tainted away during the scene. She
thought it was Joe, and she liked Joe
ever so much.
She married Joe year or two ago,
and [ happened to meet him last week,
which reminded me of this freak of a
half dozen young rascals. Nathaniel
Cbilds in ST. Nicholas.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03
The MANLY Bow

What is it makes a manly boy? 1t is
not size or weight, for there are some
large, heavy boys that are anything but
manly. We sawsone once, big, burly
fellow, about fourteen years old, with a
voice as loud, almost, as that of mule,
but we did not think he was very manly
when we saw him pick up small boy,
who was quietly playing with little
wooden wagon, and lift him above his
head, while he screamed in his ear as
loud as he could, and then set him down.
The little fellow was pale with fright,
and cried; the big fellow laughed aloud,
and went his way, ha-ha-ing as he went,
and no doubt thinking that he had
done very fine thing. But he was not
manly.
Nor does the power to smoke cigars,
without getting sick, make manly boy.
Some boys think SO, we know. We have
seen even small boys, nine or ten years
old, pick up stumps of cigars which
men had thrown into the gutter, and
puff away at them, holding up their
heads and stalking along as if to say,
"Ladies and gentlemen, look at us.
We are men, we are. We smoke, and
we don't get sick. But they are not
men.
Amanly boy is one who shows some
good, manly qualities. We do not ex
pect him to be as large as man, or as
wise as man. But he will be truthful,
honest and well-behaved. He will
never speak of his father as the "Gov-
ernor," or the cold man = nor will he
speak of his mother as the cold
woman" He will not be ashamed to
have it known that he loves both his
father and his mother; nor will he be
afraid of all the ridicule which silly boys
may heap upon him because of his love.
They may call him a baby" and say
what they please about being "led by
his mothers apron strings" he does
not mind that, for he knows that he is
right.
He will never engage in low, mean
sport he loves real sport, but will do
nothing for fun that he would be afraid
to talk about at the dinner table. He
does not torment small boys, but is ready
to help them when he can. His sisters
are AOG CdIo1u1 w hlIAC UAC1L WOIh, Uuc1I
books, or their toys from him, lest he
should disturb or destroy them he
would never think of that. He is care
full not to be greedy at the table, or
rude in company, bQt remembers that
others have rights as we'll as himself.
Does anybody say that this is very
well to talk about, but that no one ever
yet saw such boys as are here described?
We answer, There are such boys,
plenty of them, and wehave seen them. :"
They are as full of fun as other boys !;
they equal anybody at the different
sports in which boys delight they swim,
and skate, and play ball, and roll hoop,
and run just like other boys but their
behavior is gentle and kind.
These manly boys, when they grow
up, will make real men, and will be, in
the best sense of the werd, gentlemen"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03

IT isn't easy to make good catalogue
of a large library, and it often happens
that a bad catalogue is made even of a
small one. That which has just been
printed by the Topeka Library Asso-
citation is described as curiosity of
clumsiness, inaccuracy and ignorance,
Astounding in such geography as !:
8. Princip- aUs of Physiology ;" Little
Tom Grubbs and his WONDERFUL Dog"
"Sketch of the Life Character of Cis-
cero." The author of the "View of
Europe During the Middle Ages is set
down as Henry Hallow. In the cata-
logue, by no means long one, there
are eighteen misspelled words. We
have seen some pretty bad work of the
kind, but this Topeka production only
makes us wonder how they came to
have library there at all.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03

Two little hands hiding two roguish eyes,
Dear, sunny head that is ever SO wise;
Darling is laughing and shouting with glee,
Playing at puss-in-the-Corner with me.
Patter the prettiest feet DER the floor,
Never was seen such a playmate before;
Sly little one, in way most unfair.
Steals IN my corner before I'm aware
Here in our play-ground-the sunshiny room
Never has fallen shadow Of gloom:
Darling is teaching me sweet little games,
Wise little noodle to know all their names
Clover-bud mouth held to mine to be kissed
SiIver-toned voice-how that voice would be
missed
corner you've won-did you know this before?
Deep in my heart to be kept evermore!
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03

The Prettiest Woman I'm New York. Mi %
K, well known in our fashionable society for
her distingue appearance and beautiful complex
ion, was once a sallow, rough-skinned girl, cha
grined at her red, freckled face She pitched into
Hagan's Magnolia Balm, and is now as pretty in
complexion as she Is charming in manners. This
article overcomes freckles, tan, salowness, moth
patches, ring-marks, etc, and makes one look ten
years younger than they Magnolia Balm for
q transparent complexion, and Lyons Kathairon
to make the hair plentiful, 1uxurant, soft and del
icate, have no rivals. The Kathairon prevents the
hair from turning gray, eradicates dandruff, and
is the best and cheapest ssing in the world.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03
J, PERMANENT AND COMPLETE

SAFE, PERMANENT AND COMPLETE !
Wilhoft's Tonic cures Chills and Fever, Dumb
Chills and Bilious Fevers-those Titans that
kill their Thousands where this remedy is I'M
known. 1t cures Enlargement of the Spleen.
1t cures Hypertrophy of the Liver. It. hurts
no one 1t cures all types at Malarial Fevers
and is perfectly protective in all it's effects.
Try Wilhoft's Tonic, the great infallible Chill
Cure. WHEELocK, FINLAY & Co., Proprietors,
New Orleans. For sale by all druggists.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03

A PRovIDENTIAL MAN.-This title
now justly belongs to physician who
has added to the list of medicines a
new remedy which appears to include
all that is most valuable in the old
pharmacopeia, and not to include any
of the drawbacks with which the So
called specifics of the Faculty are
chargeable. The providential man is
DR.. JOSEPH WALKER, of California,
whose VINEGAR BITrERs have achieved.
in the short space of two years, a de-
gree of popularity never before at
tanned by any advertised preparation
in this country. We have too much
confidence in the shrewdness of thu
American people to suppose that this
sudden and surprising celebrity is the
outgrowth OF defusion. Indeed, we
have reason to know that it is founded
on innumerable and ell-authenticated
cures OF almost all the bodily ills that
flesh is heir to. Not the least among
the merits OF the famous Tonic and
Restorative, is it's entire freedom from
alcohol, as we'll as from all mineral
drugs. It is composed exclusively of
rare vegetable extracts. IL
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-12-03

The Sherman House, Chicago, recog-
nizing the necessity for retrenchment
these close times, has made material
reduction in it's rates. But there has
been no reduction in it's merits as a
first-class hotel.