The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-08-01
A Fourth of July Grafton.
DELIVERED AT CHARLESTON.

FELLAR CITIzENs,-Here we are again, and the
Fourth finds us as happy as pigs in a later patch.
When the American people were first dug out by
Christopher Columbus, he reckoned he had froze
down on the most improved of humans, and l
guess when he guessed that he did not locate a
pins point from the truth; and didn't he like a
true American as he was, when he dropp'd his
killock off Cape Cod, open a granite quarry and
an ice-cream restaurant just opposite Rip Van
Wrinkles large beer saloon. Them was the days
to try mems souls-no house, no home, no hog,
no hominy, no nothing, but one everlasting and
eternal snow-drift, and Red Indians a roaming
about, as riley and wrathy as white bars with
their tails froze off. Then the Britisher steps in,
only because he could not because he oughter,
and takes our tea and %rations; then the American
had his dander riz, and like a rollicking, roaring,
tearing, bounding buffalo of the prairie he sent
the Gold Lace, Red-tape, King, Palace, and Par
Lament into one almighty smash and knocked it
into an everlasting frizzle OF a fix, SO that Mon
archy has ever since in that benighted country
looked mighty mixed, like a bushel of doughnuts
piled up with cranberry sarce at a down-easter's
dinner. So you see we whipped the Britishers,
who say they whipped every body else; then we
whipped the Mexicans, and finding nobody else in
these thirteen universal worlds, why we whipped
ourselves. So, born in a struggle, educated at
high pressure, our nation has been sliding along
like a sled on a Bostin' Common This anniver-
sary of our c~ountry's birth finds US a spreading
all over this continent like mushrooms, and the
old hickory-the tree of Liberty planted in our
midst has this day its roots washed with the wa
tiers of the Atlantic and its leaves bathed in the
spray of the Pacific, and soon our American
homes will be anywhere between the Poles, with
Cape Horn on the one side, and the Aurora
Borealis on the other mighty cold there. - the
springs are late, the falls predominant, but there's
one thing certain-the ice crop Kings,
kaisers, corporations, all tremble for their COM
ing eclipse for when we do step in, the avalanche
of Republicanism will drown them IN the mael-
strom of catawampus obfuscation. We can 20
Ligher in n balloon, dine deeper in a mine, we can
chalk up and sponge out a bigger debt in peace
and chaw up more humans in war than any other
white men the fact is, we shall never have
Justice done to our great abilities, until our genius
has two hemispheres in which to e~xpatiate. Didn't
We invent lightning, didn't we invent guttapercha
coats, railways, steamboat, photography, electric
telegraph, wooden hams, Geneva arbitrations
and consequential damages. Haven't we taught
that unique, fantastique, comic. original and
aboriginal biped called man, to ride the tall hoss
of improvement, to straddle a saddle and So
skedaddle. And don't We now invite the down
trodden and every other country to come in and
roost under the wings of the American Eaple.
Whenever the unfortunate foreigner does come
up New York harbor (about ono of the finest
bits of salt sea you ever did see) he exclaims in
the language Of that great American writer.
Shakespeare Now Is the winter of cur discon-
tent made glorious summer by the sun of New
York, and all the clouds that lowered upon opr
ship are in the bright bosom of the ocean buried
now are our boys bounding before a yictorious
breeze, our bruised yardarms hung un for monu-
ments, our stern alarums, 'all hands a-hov'