Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-09-10
Aumuruns department.
BASE BALL.
AN EDITORS EXPERIENCE.

The doctor said we needed exercise. Doc.
tor knows. He told us to join base ball
club; we joined Bought book of instruc,
tions, and for five days studied it wisely, if
not too we'll. Then we bought sugar-scoop
cap, red belt, green shirt, yellow trowsers,
pumpkin-colored shoes, paper collar and
purple necktie, and with lot of other dele
gates moved gently to the ground.
There were two nlnes These mines were
antagonists. The ball is pretty little drop
of softness, size of goose egg, and five de-
grees harder than rock The two mines
play against each other. It is quiet game,
much like chess, only little more chase than
chess
There was an umpire. His position is a
hard one. He sits on box and yels "foul. %
His duty is severe.
l took the bat. 1t is murderous play
thing, descended from Pocahontas to John
Smith. The man in front of me was a pitch.
er. He sent the balls hot The man behind
me was catcher. He caught it, too.
Umpire said 'play" 1t is the most radi-
cal play 1 know of, this base ball. Saving
cord wood is moonlight rambles beside base
ball. So the pitcher sent a ball toward me.
1t looked pretty coming, so let it come. He
then sent another. hit it with club, and
hove it gently upward Then l started to
walk to the first base. The ball hit in the
pitchers hands, and somebody said he had
caught fly. Alas, poor fly! I walked
leisurely toward the base. Another man
took the bat. | turned to see how he was
making it, when mule kicked me on the
cheek. The man said it was the ball. 1t
felt like mule, and reposed on the grass.
The ball went on!
Pretty soon there were two more flies, and
three of US flew out. Then the other nine
came in, and US nine went out. This was
better. just as was standing on my digni-
ty OH the left field, hot ball, as they call it,
came skyrocketing toward me. My captain
yelled. Take it
1 hastened gently forward to where the
ball was aiming to descend. 1 have good
eye to measure distances, and I saw at a
glance where the little aGrolite was to light.
put up my hands. How sweetly the ball
descended! Every body looked I felt some
thing warm in my eye. "Muffin!" yelled
ninety fellows Muffin, be blowed It's a
cannon ballw For three days I've had two
pounds of raw beef on that eye, and yet it
paineth.
Then wanted to go home, but my gentle
captain said may" So mayed and stayed.
Pretty soon it was my strike. "To bat" !"
yelled the umpire. I went, but not all serene,
as was my wont. The pitcher sent in one
hip high. 1t struck me in the gullet. "Foul p
yelled the umpire. He sent in the ball again.
This time took it square, and sent it down
the right field, through parlor window, a
kerosene lamp, and rip up against the head
of an infant, who was quietly taking his or its
nap in its mothers arms Then I slung the
bat and meandered forth to the first base. |
heard high words and looked. When I slung
the bat, had with it broken the jaw of the
umpire, and was fined ten cents.
The game went on. liked it. 1t is so
much fun to run from base to base Just in time
to be put out, or to chase ball three.quarters
of mile down hill, while all the spectators
yell Muffin !" "Go itr Home run !'
"Go round dozen times v' Base ball is a
sweet little game. When it came my turn to
bat again, l noticed everybody moved back
about ten rods. The new umpire retreated
twelve rods. He was timid. The pitcher
sent 'em in hot Hot balls in time of war
are good. But I don't like 'em too hot for
fur. After awhile got fair clip at it, and
you bet it went cutting the daisies in the right
field. A fat man and dog sat in the shade
ofan oak, enjoying the game. The ball broke
one leg Of the dog, and landed like a runaway
engine in the corporosity of the fat man. He
was taken home to die.
Then l went on double quick to the field
and tried to stop hot ball. 1t came toward
me from the bat at the rate of nine miles a
minute. | put up my hands-the ball went
singing on its way, with all the skin from my
palms with it. More raw beef
That was an eventful chap who first invent
ed base ball. It's such fun. I've played five
games, and this is the result:
Twenty.seven dollars paid out for things
One buuged eye-badly bunged.
One broken little finger.
One bump on the head.
Nineteen lame backs.
A sore jaw.
One thumb disocated.
Three sprained ankles; FIVE swelled legs.
One dislocated shoulder, from trying tc
throw the ball thousand yards.
Two hands raw from trying to stop ho
balls.
A lump the size of hornets nest on the
left hip, we'll back.
A nose sweetly jammed, and five uniforms
spoiled from rolling in the dirt at the bases
l have played two weeks, and don't think
like the game. I've looked over the scorers
book, and find that have broken several bats
made one tally, broken one umpire's jaw
broken ten windows in adjoining houses, killed
baby, smashed kerosene lamp, broken the
leg of dog, mortally injured the bread.bas'
ket of spectator, knocked FIVE other players
out of time by singing my bat, and knocked
the waterfall from a schoolma'am who was
standing twenty rods from the field, q qule1
lookeron.
l have used up fifteen bottles Of arnics
ointment, five bottles of lotions, and half s
rev beef, and am so full Of pain that it seem;
as if my limbs were broken bats, and my leg:
the limbs of dead horse.chestnut.
Mrs SMITH ON THE GRANGE.-We find
the following afoat without credit:
Oh ho! so you've been to that old grange
have you? Pretty time of night to come
home, isn't it? Midnight, if minute!
wish the grange and all the grangers were
blown I'M