The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-04-24
scIssoRINOS.
"The dog is not mad"

"Tbe dog is not mad.
A new name for tight boot-a
corn crib.
The tobacco chewer is said to bo
like a goose in q Dutch oven-always
ON The spit.
'MadlI know he's NOT mad. What
has he rot to be mad about? It's me
that's mad"
Why is room full of married la
dies like an empty room? BECAUSE
there is not a siugle one in it.
"What animal has the most
brains?" "Giye it up "The hog.
He has hoSs-head full of EN-"
A lady,aslied veteran which rifle
carried the maximum distance. The
old chap answered, "The Minnie,
mum.
THAT dog Of tourn flew at mo
this morning and bit me on the leg,
aud notify you that 1 intend to
shoot it on sight,
A lady in Troy carries q sawdust
baby when she rides in the horse.cars,
thereby fooling the gentleman and
getting II seat every time.
Why is a pretty girl like locomo-
tive? Because she sends off the
sparks, transports the males, has u
train following her, and passes over
the plain.
A clergyman of Springfield who
has q bad habit Of adding "ah," to
many OF bis words, told, on Sunday,
of those who had been brought up
on the Lords side-ah.
An Arkansas man passed through
his State delivering lecture COM
posed OF eight chapters in the Bible.
None Of his readers had detected the
literary theft.
Some one has been looking over
the records of the Legislature of
West Virginia, aud finds that at its
last session it passed a law "to pre-
vent the owners OF hogs from ran
ming at large"
During n recent freshet in Connec-
ticut an editor telegraphed another
at the scene Of action, Send me full
particulars OF the flood,' The an
swer came, "You will find them in
Genesis,
The Danbury Ms,cs states that q
New Haven editor spent last Sunday
in Slawson and attended church.
When the contribution box came
around he was in q doze, but on be-
ing nndsed hastily exclaimed, ~
have paasW
A schoolmnster asked one Of his
boys on sharp, Wutry morning,
what was Latin for cold. The boy
hesitaled little. "WhGt," said the
teacher, 'caHnot you tell?" Yes.
yes, replied the boy; II have ID at
my finger ends."
An Indiana lawyer used tho word
"disparagement' in his plea, and
the Judge told him if lie didn't quit
using Lltir words he could set down.
The lawyer undertook to define his
position and was fined $50 for con-
tempt Of Court.
Effects Of the fog: Mr. JolIie was
discovered by his anxious wife, long
time after midnight, vainly trying
with his latch key to open the front
door. He stated for an excuse that
"the fog was soth ,hic that he
couldn't seekey-hole.'
mot far from this city" writes o
Cleveland correspondent" lives n
gentleman who is the father of seven
grown up daughters. Tbeyate rather
lively girls The father is au ad.
mirer Of Haythorue, aud be calls his
house the House Of the Seven Cab
blers. ="
a Detroit negro prisoner, on his
way to the peniieutary for larceny
was asked What he thought OF bis
trial. He said: "When DC lawyer
what Tended me made speech, l
made sure dat was going to take
my ole bet an walk right ont Of dat
eo't.room; but when the odder laws
yer got up aud commenced talking,
| knew l was do bigges rascal on top
Of de oayf."
The cradle mud tho coffin are two
memorable beds the one warm, the
other cold. Ho who sleeps in the
first don't know the other, aud whom
soever lies in the second, don't know
be- ever nestled in the first. Theone
stands in the entrance Of life and the
other in tho departure. Tears Of
pleasure often greet the one, tears Of
sadness the other. Iu both rules
beayenly rest.
A young lady IN Waco, Texas. who
lost the power Of speech two years
ago from an attack Of measels, at
ended a picnic, aud while enjoying
swing the excitement brought, a re-
turn Of speech. She was congratu-
ted by every one present but one; he
was the fellow who took her 10 tho
picnic, add bad got her consent by
mods aud squeezing of hands, and
the day was set He went round tue
picnic swearing he would put q heed
on the man who proposed TIE swing
The peace and quite ~ bis faturs
life lad boen blasted BY tha, ewing