Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-06-25
BREYITIES.

OhE LIES.
THE Tobacco hewer's EIusic-Spit-
| tune.
A ST. LOUIS cat bit a boy and he is mad
the boy is.
DOLLARS and sense do not necessarily
travel together.
PADDLE your own canoe, but let your
neighbours alone.
WHITE linen suits are all trimmed with
open-wOrk embroidery.
a FOOLISH lady sent bride a a0bite
satin pe11-l05pe1 as a gift.
BLACK satin fans trimmed with white
lace are something new.
READING, Pa, is catching dogs and
measles with equal alacrity.
A ONE years wedding celebration in
the South is called cotton wedding.
GRAY hairs seem like the light of soft
moon, silvering over the evening Of life.
WITHIN year twenty-six vacancies
will occur in the Senate Of the United
States.
THE human system has seven millions
of pores and the warm weather will
prove it.
ROME (Ga.) ladies, when they reach
their Tooth year, are serenaded by CRATE
full public.
STIFF, straight hair and beard Indicate
a coarse, strong, rigid, straightforward
character.
a MAIDEN lady says that if single life is
bad it stands to reason that double life is
twice as bad.
THIS is said to be remedy for cab
bage-wOrms: Shorts and bran sprinkled
over the cabbage.
ARGUMENT in company is generally the
worst sort of conversation, and in books
! the worst sort Of reading.
A Troy man has ri ht to jerk another
man Out Of his pew if he finds him there
and is big enough to do it,
ALL dresses continue to be made gored,
short in front and just sufficiently long
behind to touch the ground.
THE jaunty little outside pockets worn
with street dresses are to continue in
fashion throughout the summer.
AN "elopcnent'' is chronicled at
Moscow, Ky, in which i" the young lady
was accompanied by her parents"
OREGON is not troubled with grasshop-
pers, but the cheerful cricket makes a
good substitute in point of destructive
ness.
Don PIATT says: HumOr is to news
paper what tail is to a kite-very alb
surd, but very necessary to its ascen-
sion"
WASHINGTON TERRITORY is agitated by
the Oriental magnifcence of the first
brick residence" ever erected within its
boundaries.
CONNECTICUT proposes, instead of estab
fishing an inebriate asylum, to send its
dipsomaniacs to the wOrkhouse from one
to three years.
THE proposition to introduce ladies as
railroad conductors is frowned upon in
view of the fact that their trains are
always behind.
HENRY WARD BEECHER says collecting
| autographs is an alarming literary intern
perance, for which the only remedy is
| total abstinence.
ANOTHER evidence Of hard times is the
fact that the acknowledged "Swells" are
wearing artificial rose-buds and pinks in
| their button-holes.
THE cheapest thing in the world to ride
is a hobby. 1t eats no oats, it demands
no groom, it breaks no traces, and it re-
quireS no shoeing.
A Missouri paper says: "The velvet
footed assessor has begun his hideous
work, and property is depreciating with
frightful rapidly"
CANAJoHARTE, n. Y, has five ladies
who weigh over 200 pounds each, and
when they all sit down together the Jar is
felt all over the town.
IF women would study Housekeeping
as theirhusbands study law, medicine and
bookkeeping, there would be less COM
plant of bad servants.
THE woman who hit her lord and mas
ter over the head with the family Bible
justified the act by saying she was over
| coming evil with good.
THE legislator who wanted to make
kissing a misdemeanor probably never
mad the pleasure of seeing a miss demean
| herself under the operation
IT is said that the essential oil in onions
is so powerful that if man were to die
! shortly after eating one his brain would
| eXhale the odor of the vegetable.
Now that the word "hymeneal is so
commonly used in reference tc weddings.
| 1t IS suggested that births be headed
crymeneal," and deaths diemeneal.'
THE maple-sugar season has been an
/ unusually favorable one on the Western
! Reserve, and double the usual amount of
| sugar and syrup has been manufactured.
The first Protestant church bpil+ on
| the Pacific coast Of America from Cane
Horn to Behring's Straits was put nm bv
the Methodists at Oregon City, Oregon. IN
| 1912.
Mrs. SEBA SPICER, of Upton, Mo
aged seventy-eight, recently employed a
mason to repair her chimney, and herself
carried all the mortar and brick up a
ladder.
GETTING up in the night to give the
baby dose of soothingsyru is not what
one cares about, but it's hitting q fellows
nose on the half-o pen door that corrugates
his feelings.
PETER BAKER, of Indianapolis, is about
discouraged trying to raise nose. 1t has
hoo [,o1 ha hoe oh