The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1874-01-09
GRAVE AND GAY.

CAN you steer the main mast down
the forecastIe stairs ?' asked a sea cap-
tain of a new hand. s'Yes, sir. I can
if you will stand below and coil it up. :"
Captain didn't catechise that man any
more.
"WHo dares to spit on the car fiOor?"
asked burly passenger on Mobile
train. "I dare" quietly replied slen-
der youth; and I did it." 'You're
the chap I'm looking for, T" said the ruff
fan; give me chaw"
/ TIE Memphis Avalanche says that the
recent sheriff's sale of the New Orleans
Picayune was brought about by the fact
that it had $50 stockholders, all of whose
axes it was impossible for the paper to
grind successfully.
A WOMAN at Fort Laramie has sued
paper for saying that she has murdered
three husbands, when the fact is she
hasn't murdered but two, the third one
gotting away with broken rib. There
is nothing like being accurate when
dealing with such grave matters.
"When think of the bummers that
left Boston in 1S49 to find their fortunes
in California, and then hear Bret Harte,
call 'em Argonauts," said a gentleman
after the lecture, 81 must award 60 Bret
the credit of refining whatever he touch
es."
A COMMON fellow in California, who
was made target for revolver practice,
has been kept in Jail as a witness for
two months past, while the gentleman
who shot him has been out on bail.
The obvious moral is that it is better
and more Lawful to. shoot Californian
than to he shot at by him.
THE OHIo.--
am the roaring o-hi-ol
For floating barge steamer, g.
From Pittsburg down to Cairo,
I'm jest an old Tip-screamer.
And as each craft my bosom plows
Through either chute, you may smell
Blue blazes in each pilot-house,
Since Twas damned by Weitzen-
A NEWSPAPER in southern California
advises greater cultivation of the fig
tree because the fruit is good for hog
feed. An acre of figs viii fatten more
hogs than an acre OF corn. All that is
necessary is to stick 6 fig cutting in the
ground, and In three or five months the
plant will bear fruit-three crops a
year-and in three years the tree at
tains the size of twelve yenr old ap-
pie tree.
HER BEAUTIFUL EYES,
Isl in depth in color, or size,
The charm which lies in those lovely eyes,
Blue as the sullner sky
A babes child's, woman in one.
NY 6 heart @ Is drank up; p as the aeT by the sum-
Softly, timidly glancing up,
Enclosing its lid Like viOet-cup-
Looks wondrously sweet and shy;
Gazing into its depths, know
The charm which sets my heart in glow
Is the soul in her beautiful eye.
ILLINOIS farmers want law reform
which shall simplify the practice of
courts and do away with useless verbi-
age, technicalities and special plead
ings and also to provide for. establish
ing courts of Cancellation, and to re-
quire county and circuit judges to set
apart portion of each term for the ad-
iudication of cases which may be pre-
sented by the agreement of both par
ties, to be settled by the judges upon
their merits, and no appeal to be al
lowed.
THE late Doctor Macadam used to tell
of tipsy Scotchman making his way
home on bright Sunday morning,
when the good folks were vending their
way TO the kirk. A little dog pulled the
ribbon from the hand of lady who
was leading it, and as it ran away from
her she appealed to the first passer-by,
asking him to whistle for her poodle.
''Woman." he retorted with the sclem-
nifty of visage which only drunken
Scotchman can assume "Woman, this
is not day for whistlin'. ."-EiC.
A COURT at Pittsburg, Va, recently
convicted Williom LinkEan, member
OF the Methodist church, of disturbing
his fellow-worshipers Ia religious meet
ings by persistent singing in such a man
ner that some of the worshipers were
hugely amused and others exasperated.
A part of the evidence against him was
an imitation of the defendants singing
by witness, which ''producei burst
of prolonged and irresistible laughter,
alike the spectators, the bar,
the jury, and the court.
OLD friends are like old boots. We
never realize how perfectly they were
fitted to us till Sney are cast aside, and
others, finer and more stylish perhaps,
but cramping and pinching in every cor
ner, are substituted. Then We are o.
ten forced to hunt up the worn articles
from the attic where they have been
thrown, and for little season at least,
rest our weary feet by wearing them,
with our friends it is the same after
trying in vain to fit ourselves to the pc
culiarities of new ones, how often we
go back with sigh of relief to the
defr people whose very faults may
sometimes have been brought about by
serving Us
A RETROSPECT
This is my youth,--its hopes and dreams,
How strange and shadoWy II seems,
After these many years!
Turning the pages Idly, 80,
look with smiles upon the
Upon the joy With tears I-ALdrieh-
TIE Wiertz museum, near Brussels,
Belgium, contains a picture Of NsPo-
leon Bonaparte, representing him IN