The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-05-30
CURRENT ITEMS.

CURRENT xIEmSe
To PLEASE woman let her do as she
pleases.
DIAMONDS are cheaper now than ever
before.
A SMALL gold hand holding a pearl is
new in earrings.
EXPENSIVE marriage ceremonies are
pronounced snobbish.
WHAT three letters denote strength and
activity" N. r. G. (energy.)
NECESSITY knows no law, but law
knows good deal Of necessity.
The spanking period is appropriately
called the palmy days Of childhood.
AN anti-cremation philosopher living
| near Lake Erie thinks the dead should be
drowned:
LEISURE is sweet to those who have
| earned it, but burdensome to those who
get it for nothing.
ADVERTISEMENTS printed in Chinese
characters are beginning to appear in the
California papers.
MAPLE.sUGAR is so plenty IN Vermont
this season that the girls are 20 per cent.
sweeter than usual.
A LADY lecturer believes that women
ought to retain their own names when they
get married. She has retained hers thus
far.
INVISIBLE purple gloves are worn by
ladies in mourning in preference to the
dead black gloves that are so apt to
crack.
QUIZ believes in cremation, for the
benefit of the soap trade. He knows lots
Nf nQ.Nn10 UhncQ 0chQc v1yO111A o1ya ao,,1o
did lye.
The business Of swallowing needles,
long monopolized by human beings, re.
Gently commended itself to q Vermont
heifer, which ate a glove needle and
died.
1HE last smart Old man lives IN Au-
gusta County, Va. He is ninety-one years
| of age, and made his own coffin the other
day.
THE adventurous fellow who attempted
to steal red-hOt stove must take back
seat, since William A. Meyers, of Pleas
antville, Pa, is on trial for stealing nitro
glycerine.
Mr.. JNo. s. JONES, of Stafford, N. a.,
says that the fire in. his house has not
gone out for forty-tive years. MIR. Jones
uses an open fireplace and covers the
fire at night.
IT is an old saying that every pound
| Of sugar made from the maple in the spring
robs the farmer of bushel of wheat.
That is, good sugar~making weather is
bad for the wheat crop.
LOVE your nelghbor as yourself-bor-
row his plow, hoe, or horses whenever
you can; but if he wants to borrow
yours, tell him that you are very sorry,
but you were just going to use it your
self.
The newest earrings in Paris are OF
bone. They are cut in the form of many
pointed stars tipped with different colors.
A small star fastens in the lobe of the ear,
and larger one hangs underneath. They
are very odd and very pretty.
AND now it is Mrs. Betsey Hobbs, of
Clinton, Me-, eighty-two years old, who,
"during the past eighteen months, with
the assistance of her daughter, has made
between 900 and 600 pairs Of pants, be-
sides doing the work necessarily falling
upon farmers wife,"
THERE is an elm eighty.four years old
and about six feet in diameter at Frank
lin, n. a., and the man near whose house
it stands says that when he was boy he
pulled it up, which made his father so
mad that he walloped him with it and
then set it out again.
THE public have got so accustomed to
hearing these disagreeable weather stories
that they won't mind somebody's recall
ing that sixteen inches of snow fell at
Middlebury, N. H., May Is, 1884, and it
showed all day at Brandon on the 18th of
June, 1842, the whole fall being five or
six inches.
| A CONNECTICUT teacher, who has seen
the thing tried, Says that the best plan for
promoting good order, tidiness and ease
in conversation among the pupils in a
school is to place one of each sex at the
same desk, allowing them to assist each
other at their lessons and to select new
partners at the end of each month if they
desire it.
A MAN recently visiting one of the GEN.
eteries in Portland, Me-, overheard a
thrice-made widow, not yet old or home
ly, who was standing beside three mounds,
remark to gentleman, who was known
to have been attentive to the widow in
her youth: "Joe, you might have been in
that row had you possessed a little more
courage"
A CLUSTERING stranger dropped in at a
Broughton street store yesterday, and
after asking for number of articles no,
in the stock, finally inquired of the pro-
prietor if he had goose.yoke. The mer
chant returned a negative reply, but in.
formed the stranger if he would wait long
enough to have his neck measured he
would accommodate him. The stranger
simmered.-Sauonnah Ne0s.
The sphygmiograph is the hard name
Of new medico.scientific instrument. Its
presence is to mark and register the pull
sations of the wrist. 1t is very delicate
and intricate piece Of mechanism, pro
PEELED by clock-work, and by the tracking
of pencil on piece Of paper the force
of the heartbeats is recorded. 1t il
chiefly useful in showing the effect o1
different medicines on the nervous sys
tenn.
THE meanest man in Newport, r. l.,
so far as heard from, is landlord who
tried to drown out one of his tenants who
was sick with consumption. The tenant
fell four months in arrears, but his friends
made up the money, whereupon the land
lord demanded an increase of the rent,
and, on their refusal to pay, went into the
story above the sick man and deluged the
floor with water, which ran down into the