Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-07-09
PHUNNYGRAMS.

doctors never allow ducks or their
premises, they make such personal re-
marks-Daab,wg Meas.
-" Loss of China packet ship" ex-
claimed an old lady. NO wonder, when
even iron ones aren't safe"
A Dutch Judge, on conviction of
| culprit for having four wives decided:
lie hath punishment plenty life nit
one
"A Detroit father keeps his boy in
nights by vanishing IA chair and sitting
him down. It's novel plan, but awful
| tough on the trowsers.
When an old citizen Of Detroit goes
through runaway unframed, the Free
Press telicitatcs him on his escape from
frescong the wheels of a passing cX-
press wagon with his brains"
There is nothing plcasanter, when in
the declining years of life, than to have
the boy who used to catch all the fish and
find all the berries come to YOU for the
loan of half dollar. Time works its re-
venges
"A Louisville gentleman who had his
nose bitten of in II row wrapped il up
in paper, and sent it home To his fam
lily, The rest of his body he threw
away, there being but little left-BoStoR
Post
Why shouldn't Vermont girls be
sweet when their fathers make five mill
ion pounds OF maple sugar n year,
Boston Post Because to make so much
sugar it takes all the sweetness of the
lasses,--Neto Hapea Register
"A few days ago n lady of Bloomfield,
Iowa, went to thc,Postotlce and asked for
Of Ehn al. h,r
green ones. She asked him if he didn't
have any pink; her stationery was
pink and she wanted stamps to match
Gimme three cents worth Of ginger
pop and nickers worth of ginger
bread exclaimed rural visitor from
Lost Creek, yesterday, Dad died last
week, and since I've come into my for
tune I'm kinder reckless. '-1,nre Uduts
Express.
Over Nice Not many years ago II
Hartford man was drowned, and friends
brought home the dead body to his
afflicted wife. As they came to the
front door with the corpse the new made
widow appeared and sadly remarked:
guess you had better take him around
to the back door, so he won't drip on the
carpets"
-" ! would marry you, Jacob said
lady to an importunatc lover, "were it
not for three reasons" oh, tell me-"
said eimploringly what they are, thatI
may remove themY' The first is said
she, g don't love you the second is, !
don't want to love you; and the third is,
! couldn't love you if wanted to-
--" How do you do, Mr.. Jonesf' said
stranger, blandly smiling as he entered
the store of n dealer. "Well, thank YOU"
stitily rcioined Mr. Jones You don't
seem to know me; am Brown--uscd to
live here said the visitor. Il beg ten
thousand pardons, Mr. Brown" said Jones,
relaxing and shaking hands cordially;
excuse me, | thought you were II drum
mcr' So am, said Brown.
"A gentleman who was very jealous
on the subject of horses, but not accord
ing to knowledge, bought mare at auc-
ton and rode her home. "Wcll, Caesar"
said he to his sable coachman, what do
you think of herr She cost me $500"
" Dunno massa" Yes. but what do
you think?' well, massa it makes me
think of what the preacher said ycstcr-
day--something about his money is soon
parted | disremembcr the first part"
The other day, on n Michigan Cen
trail train coming east, was an old lady
who had never travelled great deal.
She wasn't used to the ways OF the book
agents, the peanut boys, and the prize
package nuisances who pass through the
train every few minutes. When the pea
nut boy came along and dropped big
African peanut into her lap she shuckcd
it, opened her mouth and dropped the
kernel down, instead Of regarding it with
silent contempt or pitching ii out of the
window. The book agent came along
and dropped u book into her lap, She
said she was much obleeged' And she
carefully locked it up in her valse. The
prize. package boy came along and
dropped sample, and she wondered
how the road could afford to give away
so much. When he returned She had
opened it and was wearing the breastpin
and eating the gum-drops The book
agent came back and wanted his book,
and before she would give it up she
called the conductor 10 see if IL was right.
The card hoy wanted pay and she APP
pealed to The passengers When she un-
derstood that he was right she handed
over twenty-five cents with the remark:
We'll, ef ] haint alfred turned round.
! wish I'd stayed to huml'
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