The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-09-12

don't make the U0l12V ilVN' mum
this town. it will be queer ,;,,n;,l
Mr. Simmer had charge Of inc cul'oii"i
dcnar,mcnt the next day during the absence o!
Colonel Bangs in Wilmington, Throughout
tho aftcrnoon and evening deatn-n0tlces AT
r;yod :. and when one would reach Mr.. slim
;n,or,s desk he would lock the door, place inc
FINGERS of his lett hand among his mar anu
Inr0nize until he succeeded in compietihg u
verse that seemed to him to accord Win MS
instructions. ...,.,.,,,. l
Tho next morning Mr.. Simmer proceeded
calmly TO the office for the purpose OF EN-
balming in sympathetic verse the memories
Of other departed ones. AS he came near 10
the establishment he observed crowd OF
people in front of it, struggling 70 get itit"
The door Ascending some steps upon me
ether side of the street hc overlooked the
crowd, and could see within the ONCE inc
clerks selling papers as fast as they couia
handle them, while the mob pushed and yen
ed IN frantic efforts tc obtain copies the press
es in the cellar meanwhile changing turlousiy'
Standing upon the curbstone IN front oi 'iiI
office there was long row OF men, each VI
whom was engaged in reading the Nor""9
dy1us with an earnestness that MIR. simmer
had never before seen displayed by thf pa
irons of that sheet The bard concluded 'iiat
either his poetry had touched Il sympa'heli,I
chord in tie popular heat or that ah apla'cc
ling disaster had occurred IN some fuai'ei Vi
the globe. a., ain
He went around to the back OF the Office
and assembled to the editorial rooms. AS he
onnr0ached thc sanctum, loud voices were
heard within. Mr.. Simmer determined to as
certain the cause before entering. He obtain
led chair and placing it by the side OF the
door he mounted and pceped over the door
through the transom There sat Colonel
Bangs holding TIE NorWing Aryls in both
hands. while the fringe which grew in sem.
Iicircle around the edge of his bald head stood
straight out, until he seemed to resemble a
Gigantic gun-swab Two or three persons
3tood in front of him in threatening attitudes.
Simmer heard one of them say:
MY name is McGluc, sir!-Willam Nc
Clue am brother of the late Alexander
McGlue. picked up your paper this morn
ing, and perceived in it an outrageous insult
to nv deceased relative, and have come
around to demand, sir WHAT DO YoU MEAN by
the following infamous language:
"'Thc dcatl-angel smotc Alexander Mc'iuc,
And gave him protractcd reposc;
He wore Il checked shirt and la Number nine -"oc
And he had pink wart on his nose
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
Over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends are informed that his funeral takes
place
Precisely at quartcr-past four
This is simply diaboicai Ny late broth
cr had no wart on his nose, sir lie mad upon
hi. nose neither pink war' nor II green wart
nor a wart Of any color. II is SANDER. II
is q gratuitous insult 10 my family, and
distinctly want You to say rhat do yop Die0"
by such conduct?
Really, sir, said Bangs, it is a mistake
This IS the horrible work Of a miscreaut in
whom rcpo,cd perfect confidence. He shall
be punished by my own hand for this out
rage A pink Wart. Awful, sr-awtul The
miserable scoundrcl shall suffer for thi:-hc
shall indeed
How could know murmurcd Mr.. Slim
mcr to the foreman, who with him was list
ening, that the corpse hadn't a pink wart
| used TO know man named McGlue, and M
had one, and thought all the McGlues had
This comes of irregularities in families.
And who said another man, addressing
the editor, authorized you to print this hid
cous stuff about my deceased son: Do you
mean to say, Bangs, that it was not with you
, authority that your low comedian inserted
, with my advertisement the following seauda
lous buresque" Listen TO this:
f I"'Willie had II purple monkey climbing on
yellow stick,
And when he sucked the paints of it made hin
dCathy sick;
: And in his latest hours he claspcd that tuonkcl
: in his hand,
| And babe goodbye to earth, and went into e bet
4 ter land
. go oh no more he'll shoot his sister with his lit
c Tie wooden gun;
+ And no more hc'lltwist the pussy's tail and make
I her yOwl, for fun.
, The pusSy> tail now stands out straight; The
gun is laid aside;
: The monkey doesn't jump around siucc littlC
Willie died
The atrocious character Of this libel viii
q appear when | say that my son was twenty
, wears cid, and that he died Of liver complaint
/, Infamous utterly Infamous groaneC
Ithc editor rs he cast his eyes over the lines
: And the wretch who did this still remains
I unpublished, 1t is too much
And vet, whispered Simmer to The fore
man, he told me TO tighten the gloom and It
|. cheer The afflicted family with the resources
of my art; and certainly thought that ldei
f about the monkey would have that effect
somehow Bangs is ungratetnl"
ri Just then there was Il knock al the door
/ and "a woman entered, crying.
- Are you the editor " She inquired of Col
o oncl Bang.
ri Bangs said he was.
= W W WELL she said, in a voice broken b,
, sCbs, 'wA,what d'yOu mean by publishin.
/ this kind of poetry about m-my child: M-ml
q name is Sm.Smih; and wh-whcn locke,
. tins m.morning for the notice of Johnny
d death in your paper, saw this scandalou
>, verse:
|, ~ Four doctors tackled johnny Smith
They bli,tcrcd and they bled him;
i With sguill- and anti bilious pills
And ipecac, they fed him.
= They stirred him up with calomcl-
{ And tried to move his liver;
/ but all in vain-hs little soul
E. Was waited DER The River.
ats false, false. and mean. Johnny oni
" had one doctor. And they d-dIdnt blblee
, him ard b-blisicr him. It's wicked falls
y hood, and YOU'RE u hard hearted brute ti-tt
IN printing it,
~ ~ Madam, shall 90 crazy Exclaimed Bang
i This r not my work. 1t is the work OF
~ villain whom | Will Stay with my own han
~ as soon ~ he comes in. Madam, the miser