, 1874-08-02
THE COMET.
gx.it Against the Projectors of the
Grand Excursion.
Eesers. Barnum and Twain Meet with
Condign Punishment.


moriss, organized monster e1cure1on fecentl5'
charteFiug the comet for summer EXCURSION
to the asteroids, with leave TO passengers To
stav over at any given point OF interest on tue
route, snch a. the Milky Way, the Great and
Little Bear. tho North Star. Jupiter, Mrs. Veuns'
and other well-kuown stars or popular consteAa-
tons. It may not be so we'll known that
THE EXCURSION PROVED FAILURE,
and that tho disappointment consequent thereon
was felt by thousands Of people who had invested
In tickets and the necessary equipment for such
I Journey. In Chicago alone quite number OF
tickets we're sold by Messrs. Barnum and Twain g
indefatigable agent Orphans Who in early life
had been bereft of maternal care bought tickets
30 that they could once more sec their Mars !;
managerie men who hcped to capture the Big anc
Little Bear for their travelling shows; founding
home directors who wanted to open relations
with The proprietors of the Miky-Way; Young
men with short purses aud long tallors bills al
purchased e1cu rsion tickets, and 1t must be
owned that several unworthy husbands VINO
lad been let into tho secret that the comet
would take $500 years before it's tail would
again pleam in sight Of this world, purchased
tickets for their wives, pleading business en-
gagements an excuse Tor not taking part III
tho trip themselves
quite Z number expressed wish to go, and
made up their minds fully Oh the subject when
tho generous Snowman presented them each
with FREQ pass. Among these was the Times
special ANALYST, who was deputed by bis employer
to discover the existence Of the sprit-world, aud
Prof. Oldbird who, failing to make the city gas
lighters conform to the rising and setting Of the
sun and moon, undertook to arrange with those
1uminaries to act in an accommodating spirit and
to rise and set At the going and coming of the
city gas-lghters. The annual say1ng in gas by
this arrangement-but no matter. Then there
was delegation from the Chicago gun clubs
who wanted to visit few shooting stars, and a
host OF other people, all Of whom we're deeply
disappointed, and most OF whom threatened all
sorts Of legal action against the projectors of
the trlp- In all hearts save one, however, evil
feelings gave way to resignation, especially
years would elapse before the comet again ap-
preached the earth's Surface The one individual
who could not forgive the breach Of contract on
the part Of Messrs. Barnum aud Twain was the
well-known politician and conchologist
JOHN N. REYNOLDS,
whoee recent attempts to overthrow the powers
ut Washington have created such intense anxiety
in that city. It is stated that Mr. Reynolds WAS
sent on the trip By tho Government, ostensby
as Special United States Conchologist to make q
collection Of starish for the adornmenE Of the
shelves Of the Chicago Academy Of Sciences, but
those who know better assert that the object
VAS the placing him out OF the way until alter
the third term was accomplished, and that the
to let him on at Saturn, Sirius, or some other
way-station, and forgot to call for him on the
way back Be- this as it may, Reynolds was
intensely amazed st the failure to make the
ze1al voyage, and
BROUGHT SUIT
asainst the projectors for specific performance
Of contract before one Of our courts. In bis bill
the complainant set forth that he was United i
States Special Conchologlst; that he had been
deputed BIZ the Government to make the comet
SRrf fr,+h +hn int nf ar1q qrf-
that in order to provide himself with the mecca
sary ready money he had sold out, for mere
song, his genealogical store, with stock OF
:, 200 sea-urchins. $50 etar-fsh, Is srord-ish
sides VEST collection Of videscent genealogical
mantel ornaments, to the total value Of $50;
that on the evening of July Il he waited at the
northwest corner OF Fifth avenue End Washing
ton street, where the passengers are taken on
board; that he waited in vain. as
TIE COMET FAILED TO MAKE CONNECTION;
that he had since learned By the papers that the
comet had departed; wherefore he prayed that |
tbs Court grant ] writ Of mandumus in the case
commanding the defendants on service thereof |
70 secure the immediate return OF the comet and |
the specific fulh1ment Of the contract entered |
into by the parties to the suit. Failing this
complainant asked for s2,oou, 900 damages.
IN ANSWER TO THE BILL |
tho replication Of one John Allen WAS fled, set
ting forth that xep1icant Was the most deprayed |
in the city, and the agent of several
railroad lines; thai be had been placed in charge
Of tbs comet excursion; that On the day it WAS |
had been built for the accommodation OF guests. |
two theatres we're completed. and the founda- /
lion for Union Church had been laid. The !
comet Was securely anchored to one of the Gus |
TOM House guys, and everything looked sarcne |
when the fire occurred. The inhabitants Of the |
comet who had heard Of Chicago before. deemed |
discretion the better part OF valor, and sipplng
their cable went off on their elliptic way.
The case came up for trial yesterday. The de-
fendants we're ably represented by the the dis
dnguiehed counsel, ex-Justice Chxrles O'Malley,
while e1- Chief Justice Banyon conducted the
case for the p1osecu1ion- Tho Judge, having
shaken hands With both counsel, and had littls
chat with them regarding tho boyhood days they
sll three endured to attain their Positions pro-
ceeded to hear the evidence, which WAS mainly
that OF the defendants and Of experts.
PE1NEAS T. BARNuN
being duly sworn testified that he was profess
sional Snowman; that he had chartered tbs
comet from the managers OF the Washington
Observatory; that tho comet had got frightened
and gone back upon him; that he had tele-
graphed Don2ldson to leave. New York in d bal
loon and bring it back as soon as possible; and
TINT as soon as thia was ACCOMPLISHED be would
honor all excursion tickets. Failing this he re-
gretted the unfortunate occurrence. but rs new
hotel and couple OF theatres he built had been
caulee Oh, he did not feel bound to refund cash
received.
In cross examination he acknowledged that
this MAS BY no 1neans the first time tho qu&lity
Of his advertisements had exceeded tho quality
OF his show He had made up his mind to have
nothing moro to do with comets this season.
MARX TWAIN,
alias Sam Clemens, testified that be WIS pro-
fessional humorist- He had eutered into tile
specnlat,on with friend Barpum, and had sunk
IN it au the profits arising from the publication
OF the =" Gided Age" and didn't SEQ why. when
be he had lost 90 much, he Ehould lose any more.
The idea Of shelling out to q conchologist was
fepnlslve to hia nature, and he would sooner
write another novel than do it. The thought Of
ha1s was rougning i" on him too hn.d.
IN cross-e1amlnation he stated TINT he was not
novelist About d year ago he thought he
ves. but the hallucination has since been dis
PEELED o~~A 0&11
:. The fret witness examined for the prosecu-
ton was Heynolda, who merely reiterated tho
substance OF his bill Then camo another Wit
nosa, who remembered tho night OF the second
great fire. Had taken a ticket on tho comet
excursion because the mosI careful examination
with the Dearborn telescope had failed to dis
cover the existence in the comet Of either mort
gase associations or lawyers. He would com
promise with defendant Twain for his ticket il
ne Inter would enter the service OF certain
Chcsgo newspaper and write one joke week
4 4or mat melanchoiy sheet h1r. Twain handed
sne "atoess the amount OF his ticket, and he