Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1874-12-12
Whole Number 1901.

Oath of the Chicago girl-Buy
gum.
The most valuable prize-Enter.
prise.
Sweets for the ilI-tempered-Tart
sayings.
The Oldest Western editor--ths
evening sun.
Household words-the language
in receipt for rent.
Like begets like. A Roman punch
for a Roman nose.
A man who is out of pocket
might as well be out of town.
How to get rieh-Live on air and
sleep on clothes line.
The Cuirass is all the rage with
the ladies. Baiaam rode one.
A man with big nose isn't al
ways handsome, but he's nobby.
A philosopher has discovered
that men don't object to be oyerrst-
ed, except by assessors,
Cicero said, 'the pursuit of all
things should be calm and tranquil" "
How about capturing feast
The good of mans life cannot
be measured by the length of hIs fq--
neral procession.
In the well settled districts Of
Texas you can get free ride on q
hearse by picking up rattlesnake,
''The one thing needful for the
perfect enjoyment of love is con-
fidence." Same with hash and saQ-
sages.
When dead man is spoken of as
''the late Mr.. Smith," the inference
is that he did not die early enough.
The crow is not so bad bird af-
ter all. 1t never shows the white
feather and never complains without
caws.
An Eas tern paper intimstes that
Treasurer Spinner acquired his habit
of profanity while learning TO read
his own writing.
A man in danger of being hanged
said that of all the games Of his
childhood, skipping the rope would
be most agreeable.
What's the use, in these days, try
ing to be honest =? exclaimed . grum-
bier. Oh, you ought to try it once
and see, retorted one of his compan-
ions.
A Western paper chronicles 3
marriage IN this suggestive style:
''The company resolved themselves
into committee of two, with now
er to add their number"
A San Juan miner who has been
prospecting in southwestern CoioEG.
do has found whole forest Of pet
rifed trees, with petrifed birds sit
ting on the limbs singing petrifed
songs.
Douglas Jerrold says, in his
Hedgehog Letters" that respect
ability is all well enough for folks
who can have it for ready money;
but to be obliged to run in debt for
it, is enough to break the heart Of
an angel"
A Canadian man tied his dog to
the end of a rear car the other day,
and then bet the beast could keep up
with the train. Strange to say,
when they got into Detroit, the dog
was ahead-there was nothing else
left of him.
''That dog of yourn flew at me
this morning and bit me on the leg
and l notify you that I intend to
shoot it the first time see it. ''Tbe
dog is not mad" "Madi / know he
is not mad. What's he got to be
mad about? It's me that's mad"
A popular clergyman says it Is
interesting to observe how many peo-
pie 90 to the circus ''just to please
the children" and very curious to
notice that sometimes it takes sew
eral able-bodied men and motherly
woman to look after one little boy
or gifl on such an occasion
IfTbe old man will insist on Ia
king . saleke after going TO bed at
night, the soeasr the house is in
sured for twice its value the more
cemplacent viii be the feelings of
the relatives who stand by when
the firemeB hunt among the ruins
for his bones.
Mrs. Yibbard suggested, in the
Chicago Woman's Convention, that
the danger of wearing corsets be
obviated by the ladies having
their husbands rub them after taking
off the garments aforesaid. The
idea is good one. We have sent
Mrs. Vibbard's husband a ream of
s2ndpaper.
One of the least fattering tributes
ever paid to a rising young artist,
has been pSid to Cincinnati daub.
er by a Western critic. nHe DOS
sessess some merit as an artist, but
it is hard to say whether it lies in
landscape or marine painting-you
cannot tell his cows from his ships
except when you have their tails ex,
alted, when the absence of spars
betray their characters. Even then
they may be mistaken for schooners
scuddlngs under bare poles!"
Curious Statements.