Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-07-03


f-sr Variet;es.
On the contrary on mule.
1 A week Enthusiastically night
To remove stlins from character get
rich.
A Brookfcld woman is completely un-
manned by the loss of her husband.
A New Bedford firm advertises rain
umbrellas" which is pleasantly definite.
committing eAcesses in chewing virginis
Tobacco.
Mr. Roderick shot Mr.. Graves in Nash
vile last week because he would not pay
Koderick his Dhu.
The Washington fire department " .,ted
ten thousand gallons of water to nuse
a company of Indiana editors.
The Brooklyn Argus is of opinion that
a kind word will always go further than
a flaf-iron or a potato masd,cr." So
! A Vermont debating club is now strug.
( Cling with the question Which eats the
most chickcn-ministers or owls.''
! A malicious person says that cotton
sheets and newspaper sheets are alike in
the respect that II great many people lie
in them.
4 China has streets paved with granite
blocks laid over three hundred years ago
! and as good as new. The contractors
are dead.
/ A Brockport Pa, parson, who. with
Paul, believes that lit is better to marry
than burn,' offers twenty cords of wood
for WIFE
/ New apples are one dolla, and ten cents
per quart. Ten cents for the apples and
a dollar for a doctor
With some people cremation is only .
/ question of time. If it don't come in this
world it will surely come in the next
( A Piquc who had quarrel with lOvsr
remarked to friend that "she wasn't on
squeezing terms with that fraud any
more"
A bit of orange peel set a good Iowa
deacon fiat on his back while passing the
. contribution box. Orange peel is very
popular there now.
/ Fifteen years ago Washington gentle
man scratched his name Oh a gold dollar
and sent it on its travels. He has never
seen it since.
, The multiplication of awn-mowers
; that are advertised give rise to the suspic-
ion that the manufacturers: like hOrse-car
conductors, always think there is room
for one mower.
f, A southern journal issues the following
notice: Many people ask for papers ut
this office who would scorn to beg for 5
cents; yet that is the price charged for
copy. We hope they will see the point"
A Georgia negro who bet ten dollars
that General Washington commanded the
/ Federals at Bull Run, handed the money
over with the remark: "Well, dis yer
/ hist'ry business is all mixed up, anyway.
! One Of our fashionable youths donncd
his first silk hat and cigar Saturday even
ing. He got along well enough with the
cigar, but he had to give up the hat-it
made him sick to his stomach. ~
A negro boy was driving mule in
Jamaica, when the animal suddenly stop
ped and refused to bulge. Wont go,
ch." said the boy Feel grand do you.
suppose you fo'gct you fadder was q
Jackass.'
( We hear of men confcssing on their
/ death-bcds to the crimes of murder, alb
duction and incendiirism, but who ever
hoard nf a 1\nU foc inn To-
ing papers: Nobody. Death cannot scare
that man.
4 Danburian. who was i'm New York
Saturday. came up with the wild state
ment that he had seen u hotel clerk with
side whisSers. That is more of lie than
one man should undertake to tell. Hair
growing on the cheek of hotel clerk!
Seat!
A well dressed Danburian, while at tho
Carmel fair Thursday, quizzingly ohserv-
ed to Il strapping girl from the country"
This is II very fine fair We are having"
and was courteously met with the follow
ing rebuke: We'll, it is none of your
damned business, if we are"
Dad if were to see duck on the
wing and were to shoot it would you lick
me:" 80, no, my son; it would show
that you were good marksman, and I
would be proud of you" "Well, then
dad, pcppered Our old Muscovy duck rs
he was flynn over the fence to-day, and it
would have done you good to have seen
him drop"
The editor of the s. c. Nail, with
grateful eloquence. acknowledged the re-
ceipt of milk punch in one column, and
in the next published " Temperance De-
partment." Somebody has complained of
his inconsistency, and he explains that
the " editor of the Mail has nothing to do
with what goes into the temperance col
u,nn of his paper, nor have the gentle
men who conduct that department any
thing to do with what goes into the edi-
! tor of the Mat"
! This is the way Florida man expects
/ to get a partner to his BOSOM He adver-
tises as follows: ANY gal whats got
COW fcatherbcd, with comfortable lin-
ens five hundred dollars in good, genuine
slapup greenbacks, that has had the
smallpox, measles and understands tend
ing children, can find customer for life
by riten small william ducy. addressed
" Y T., and stick in crack of Uncle
JOHNNY Smiths barn, jinin' the pig-pen.
where Harrison Reed is now planning for
future operations"
After severil years NV retlecktion, l have
come to the ,konklution that the three most
ditfikult things are-lst. Carryin' an arm
full Nv live eels up Il steep hill without
spillin' an eel; ed. Aktin as a referee at
a dog fight without getting mad 3D. Ed
itin' II newspaper.
! M. T." writes u.s. " You remarked
in your paper last week that you felt your
! pockets in vain for cabbage to level ut
at those three dusky Hiawathas who were
SO discordantly whistling sMulligcn
Guards through Main street. You should
have felt about your head So We did
! our hat was felt.
4 A window full of of pot-p plants sudden
ly descended into the street, Monday
I morning, filling the back, bosom, hair Of
an elderly party with bulbs, earth, tl,orns,
and hair-pins As soon as he recovered
his speech he stated that he was pilgrim
and Il stranger, but he'd be damned If he
couldn't lick the man who touched oil
! that powder.