The weekly Oskaloosa herald. [volume] (Oskaloosa, Iowa) 1855-1885, 1874-12-31
SHORTS.

| 1t Is better to be flush in the pocket
than in the face.-Danbury Neps.
A Yankee critic, speaking of a very
tall actor, said: He is tall enough to
act in two parts"
"a play rpon words" as the fireman
said when he thrust his hose into the
booksellers shop to put out the flames.
A physician advised patient "to take
a walk on an empty stomach" "Whose
stomach?' feebly asked the patient
The difference between fool and a
looking glass is said to be that the fool
speaks without rejecting, and the looking
glass reflects without speaking
A chap who spent $500 to graduate
from Harvard, is Postmaster in Iowa at
$25 per year. Where would he have
been put for his Latin and Greek?
A female doctor, dressed in boomers.
was chased out of jamestown, Pa, the
other day, not so much on high moral
grounds, as because she wore No. 3 boots.
A countryman bargained with Cali
fornia photographer for half-length pic
ture Of himself at half f-price, and when
the artist delivered fine view of his sub
ject from the waistband down, the victim
lied sitter INDUCED in language more for
ible than elegant.
"How much did he leave?" inquired
gentleman of wag, on learning the death
of very wealthy citizen. Everything"
responded the wag, "he didn't take dol
lar with him."
"Now John, drive slow and keerful
and don't run over any insurance agents"
was viii county granger's advice to his
son the other day, in starting him to town
with load of wheat
| An excited railway man, who shouts
into the car the names of the stations, and
who hears great deal of complaint be-
cause the names are called indistinctly.
wants to know if the public expect tenors
at $40 month.
Dear mel" disconsolately said rude
young girl, "Ive forgotten my handker-
chief. Fortunately, I havn't bad cold,
but havn't anything to firt with"
"1s that your offspring, madam ?" asked
Missouri judge of woman who had
hold of snub-nosed boys hand. aNo,
sill" she replied, "this is my oldest boy"
A juryman was asked whether he had
been charged by the judge. "Well," said
he, "that little fellow that sits up in the
pulpit and stares at the crowd gave us
lecture, but l don't know whether he
charges anything or not"
A young lady and gentleman aged re-
spectively IL and 13 years were married
at Gouldtown, Michigan, last week. When
last seen, they were quarreling over
pound of mixed candies, and throwing out
vague intimations about divorce
There is German in Carbon county,
Pa, who is father of thirty-three children.
His wife has just rejected an application
of the Commissioners of Charities to put
him upon the retired list.-Brooklyn ar
gus.
We believe it was Tristan Burgess who
stood with Southerner on the steps of
the capitol, as drove of mules was pass
ing by, when the Southerner remarked,
"There goes lot Of Yankeesl" EYES,"
replied Tristan, "they're going South to
teach school"
Two colorsd men took refuge under
tree in violent thunder shower. "Julius,
can you pray?" says one. "No Sam, was
the reply, "nehber prayed in my life"
"Well, can't you sing hymn, then?' "No,
Sam, don't know no hymn" "Wen, see
hsah, honey, sum6n Igious is got to be
done heah mighty sudden, Spose you
pass de contribution box"