Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-30
BREVITIES.

ONO will be seventy-two years old on
Nov. %.
A GAMBLER, like carpenter, is known
by his chips.
THE fashionable umbrella for ladies
is of blue silk.
BALD MOUNTAIN can't be parted in the
middle, anyway.
RoNDoUT, n. Y, has highway woman.
Such is progress!
SHELBYvIILE, KY, has the first potato
! bug of the season.
JAMAICA ginger is extensively cultivated
on Dunn's Lake, Fla.
| No MATTER how new or costly an UNI
brelIa may be it is always used up
! PHILADELPHIA has four establishments
| devoted to the production of linseed oil.
! NEXT to finance the back-hair question
most occupies the public mind.-B0st0n
/ Post.
/ A BALTIMORE man advertises So reward
/ if anyone will return him the ST. 100 he
! lost.
FIFTY rattlesnakes were plowed up in
one day off a Douglas County orr
! farm.
/ HARTwELI, Ga, has a man Sc years
old that has just married for the first
| time.
A HOPEFUL spinster finds consolation
in the proverb Its never too late to
men(d).6
Mr.. ALEXANDER MITCHELL, NJ. c., from
Wisconsin, is reported to be worth $16,-
900, 900.
IT is reported that Mrs Harriet Beech
er Stowe will not write any more for sew
! eral years.
IT helps to show what great country
this is, that we are beginning to raise our
own volcanoes.
MOsT of the shadows that cross our
path through life are caused by our stand
ing in our own light.
EIGHT HUNDRED suckers were caught
in a single draught of seine in the Della
ware River, above EastOn, Pa.
BRET HARTE's star doesn't appear to be
in the ascendant. Boston came near
squelching him. California is his ele-
ment.
LEATHER on the bottom Of street skirts
is a failure. 1t cracks, collects consider
able dirt, and cuts through the dress
material.
ONE Of the incest ways of committing
suicide and of revenging yourself on your
down his we'll.
BURNING FLUID is not good vehicle to
fry cabbage in, as Mrs. Schottenhofer, of
Adrian, Mich, discovered. She thought
it was vinegar.
AN Alabama man has invented a plate
which prevents boots from running over
at the heels, but can't find shoemaker
who will use them.
PENFIELD, n. Y, has five ladies who
weigh over 200 pounds each, and
when they all sit down at once the jar is
felt all over the town.
! THERE are moments when even rel1g-
| iOus fervor requires a diversion, and nov
city Of emotion becomes as much a neces-
| sity as a change of diet.
| A MARYLAND farmer has goose which
has passed its eighty-frst birthday, as
near as can be figured. 1t is great
goose for living so long.
! IF the various wives of John IRWIN, OF
| Virginia, should gather around him there
would be a group of six, all married
within the last two years.
THE telegraph message boys of Albany
| formed ring recently, and charged and
received pay for over 1000 messages that
| had never been received.
"WILL the coming man steal ?" queries
the New York Commercial, and likewise
answers: "We believe he will-if there
| is anything left when he comes"
COUNTING receives fresh impetus from
the advent of maple sugar. Twenty-Five
cents worth of maple sugar will go fur
Their than two dollars worth Of candies.
A DIVORCE lawyers advertisement:
| "Hymeneal incOmpatibilities, as spe-
cialty, delicately adjusted. IT'S slavery
to detain the hand after the heart hath
| fled"
AMAN in Wilmington, N. c., is thus
described by a young lady of the same
| city: He is so stingy that whenever he
sniles it is always at his neighbours ex-
! pense."
GA CoLQUITT (Ga.) minister is the father
of thirty-two children" How neatly could
he preach a sermon from that olive-branch
text, with illustrations in all the front
pewsi
THE latest way of expressing It: /" You
might as well try to shampoo al elephant
! with thimbleful of soapsuds as to at
| tempt to do business and ignore adVer-
| Using"
A CYNICAL old bachelor says that the
| eagerness with which young ladies rush
| to fashionable entertainments suggests the
! first stage of rubber at whist. They cut
for partners.
| ARTEMUs SPINNER, of Duluth, doesn't
care about making hog of himself, but
| he'll wager 81 ZOO that he can devour
| three pounds of maple sugar inside Of
thirty minutes.
A KENTUCKY paper apologies for hav-
! ing spoken of "the red-headed, malig-
nant mule who dispenses the county
money!" by saying that it wrote: Big
| hearted, valiant soul"
A DEAR old lady being asked if she had
ever had her ears pierced by the wall of
distress, said she couldn't just exactly re-
member, but she believed it was done
with shoemaker's awl.
AN Iowa Judge has decided that {" a
teller can wink at a gal in spellin' schOo
without laying himself liable TO breach
of promise suit" but alas! the spelling
| school season has closed.
OvERsKIRTs are made very long and
come from the waist to the edge of the
| skirt in front and pulled into the side
seams so as to be Topped very high on the
hips. This is the latest style.
A DANBURY man having proudly pro-
| claimed in the presence of his little boy
| that his wife was no gadder, the young
man was observed to involuntarily rub
his back, but he said nothing.
| To Stop THE Flow OF BLooD-An
exchange says there is no better use to
make of fine-cHt tobacco than to bind it
upon fresh wound, and nothing will