Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-05-27
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

name Is Alexis A. de Perwinof, and the
Count was exiled for his republican
predictions.
AN 1rishman remarked to a COM
panlon, on observing a lady pass,
Eat, did you ever see so thin a
woman as that before ?'-"Thinl'' re-
Piled the other botherashuni I've
seen,one as thin as two of her put
together, [ have"
AN,interesting little bow, timid when
left alone In a dark room. was overheard
recently by his mother to say in his
loneliness, " Oh, Lord, don't let anv
one hurt me, and I'll go to church
next Sunday, and give you some
money" eeTs79z zssss.rF a4-.sr r-spz-.
Two young Irishmen happened to
get into an afray in which one of them
was knocked down. His comrade ran
up to him, and cried out, "Zonnds
Dennis, if ye be dead can't ye spake %
I'm not dead, but spacneless," said
the other.
AN Irish post-boy having driven
gentleman a long stage during torrents
of rain, the gentleman civily said to
him, PADDY are you not very wet?'
Arrah, [ don't care about bein' very
wet, but, PLACE your honor, I'm very
dry"
A BENGAL paper supplies a neat in
stance Of confusion of metaphor. Criti-
cising the income tax, our Contemporary
hopes the government will not re-
peat the blunder of killing the calf
which daily produces the golden egg.''
| Mrs. PARTINGToN moved this spring
to house on railroad, and she likes
it very much. cit is so pleasant and
sociable," she says, "when Ike is off to
see the cars forty times day pass pro
and con before her windows . -s..
AMERICAN, Cooking at the long bill
just presented)-" Wal, I guess you
air an old boss p Waiter-E Old boss,
sir ! What dye mean, sir ?" Ameri-
can" Wal, just that you're famous
charger, for sure !'-Penach.
LYNCH law is probably based on the
spirit of an old saying. When despera-
does abound, honest people surrender
to their leaders an lynch" and they
take an q L. and make a code called
"Lynch Law" |.. .@s.1L-
CALAIS p said the nurse who attended
the witty divine, Sidney Smith, in his
last illness, 81 have made q mistake
and give you bottle of ink. - 'sThen,'
said the dying wit, fetch me all the
plotting paper there is in the house,
A WESTERN orator who, warming
| with his subject, exclaimed "There
is not man, woman or child in this
house, who has arrived at the age Of
fifty years, but has felt this truth thun-
dering through their minds for CEN
turies.
THE SPRING.
In the spring fuller crimson comes upon the rob-
In the spring the wanton apwings gets himself an
other crest;
III the spring velier iris changes on the burnish-
ed dOve
In the spring young mans fancy lightly turns to
thoughts OF love.
In describing the recent debut of a
young lady, whose friends went into
raptures over her performance, Jones
says: "They applauded her when
she opened her mouth they applauded
her when she shut it they applauded
her when she kicked the stool; and T
very believe they would have applaud
ed her had she kicked the bucket!"
ALWAYS have book within your reach
which you may catch up at you odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in a little
reading every day, if it is but single
sentence. If you can give fifteen min
utes every day, it will be felt at the
endof theyear. Regulate your thoughts
when not at study. A man is think
ing, even while at work. Let him think
we'll. ..
A YOUNG man was carving a goose at
a dinner-table one day, when by an
awkward move he knocked it into the
lap of lady who was sitting opposite,
in all the glory of a green satin dress.
Instead of showing his verdancy by
profuse apologies, and a confused man
ner, he simply said : ell trouble
you for that Goose, Miss Can the
annals of society furnish an example
of self-possession more sublime?
AN American gentleman asked an
Irish gentleman to give him the real
version of the story of the KilkenR-
cats. In reply he received the follow
ing lines
"There wanst was two cats at Kilkenny;
Aich thought there was wan cat too many;
So they quarreled an fit,
They scratched and they bit,
TuQ-exceptlng their nails
| AM the tips of their tails
Instead of two cats, there wasn't any!n
| A Sea Devil.
The Brighton Aquarium is the pres