Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-08-17

Chicago Is now called Cremation
City"
The vilest sinner may return-e7ery-
thing save an umbrella
Susan B. Anthony aged 50. The
Graphic made the discovery.
Injun probabilities "Mcbbe snow
next week; mebbe heap damn hot"
i Memphis paper defines advertising
to be 'sblister which draws trade"
To secure d scowl Of perfect disgust
from woman, tell her that caterpillar
Is crawling on the back Of her dress.
In Brooklyn the authorities '.seize the
unripe fruit. - The policemen eat it and
the children are saved--N z. Herald
A Wid0Wer compares marriage to be-
sieged fortress Those who are outside
would ike to be within. and those who
are inside would like to be without.
A Pennsy1vanian bet $4,000 that he
could eat fifty quarts Of peanuts in TWEEN
ty-6ve hours. He got away with forty,
and then death got away with him
The difference in natures was well IL
lustrated at the Boston depot Two
sisters met 30, my dear sisterp' said
one exhaustedly. as they embraced
You've been eating onions" said the
other, calmly and feariessly.
An old clergyman spying boy creep
ing through fence exclaimed: .sWhat Z
crawling through fence Pigs do that
''Yes, retorted the boy. s-and old hogs
20 along the street"
An invaluable companion is q wife
who can s'read your thoughts. The re-
straining influence Of sermons and Sun
day-sehOoI Libraries is but very s'small
beer" compared to the patent-brake
power Of such a helpmeet as this
A lady Of Beeeher's congregation said
the other day: '.It's a Ee-a downright
lie about Beecher and Mrs. Tiltou He
told NE so himself, and said that I was
the only woman in all the world, beside
his wife, he ever-had any confidence
inp'
A Boston south end lady inquired .
few evenings since Of the spirit rappers
how many children she had -Four
raped the spirit. The husband then
asked ''How many children have I %
Two" answered the sitting medium
There Is likely TO be trouble in that
family
A Frenchman having heard the word
press made use Of to signify persuasion
as. a'press that gentleman to have some
thing to eat, took occasion one even
ing at party TO use the term which he
thought synonymous. and begged q friend
to squeeze young lady to sing.
| A young lady who couldn't get leave
to 90 to picnic recently. said she was
50 mad she believed If she would bite
anybody it would be sure death from
poison A young man standing by re-
marked that he wanted 70 be a victim
in case Of that kind
A countrymau took his seat at hotel
table opposite to gentleman who was
induiging IN bottle Of wine Suppos-
ing the wine to be public property, our
unsophisticated country friend helped
himself to it with the gentleman's glass.
That's cool - exclaimed the gentleman
Indignantly. .4Yes, replied the other
Il should think there was ice IN tt
I've got them again shouted a Miss
issippi boatuan when first the comet
burst upon his bewildered vision And
then he wildly proceeded 20 relate m
experience: Snakes I've had before. and
now the stars have got this On EN- In
a dead man So much for knowing toe
much Of whisky and too little Of astren-
omy.
4 This Is Kansas Pacific story Al
ST Mary's an engineer saw youne
squaw with d pappoose strapped 70 hei
back standing On the platform
.HaEe you got little Indian there r
said the driver of the iron horse
NO" said she, .-haIf Injun half II
iuneer."