The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-06


to it, company of rats were found in the DO,
tom, having been attracted thither by its con
tents, and being unable to get out. The stor
cat was brought in and placed in position t
see them, but after taking good look jump
ed down and run out at the door, shortly IT
appearing with another cat. The two nov
looked over the situation and retired, Sool
coming back with the third cat. They nov
seemed satisfied with their force, and made
an attack, jumping into the hogshead. Th
cats had, however, miscalculatcd the force o
the enemy, and Two were killed, the othe
being taken out in season TO save its life.
A girl confessed TO the crusaders tic othe
day that she had permitted sixteen men L
kiss her, and the horrible creature gave thu
names of the men. Several are married men
and iiuttcr has been occasioned in certain
circles. That girl never heard Of the sen,i
mcnt-"Kiss but don't you tell"
The girl that gets right good kiss,
And blows TO a crusader,
May she live and die an old, old maid,
Just what her folly made her
-La9rence (RdR) STANDARD.
A lady was standing on wharf in New
York the other day. bidding adieu to friends
about to sail, when the head of a huge cask
of molasses that was being hoisted on an ele
vator above her, burst out, dlshe she became
an immensely sweet and sticky substance, Il
is said the explosives she used on that Occa
sion were distinguished more for their EN-
phasis than for their strict propriety.
A celebrated poet writing to an editor, pro
posed to supply him with any length of lines
for any occasion The reply was poetical
Send me hundred yards of lines strong
enough to fish for conger cells, and that Will
bear the tug Of porpoise, as | am going fol
a week s fishing"
what will not woman do for the man she
loves" Put this conundrum to Mr.. Magin
MS, if YOU want fight. He brought bot
tie Of whisky home the other night, and his
wife took it away from him and drank 1t
herself.
Mrs Marrowfat has of late been feeding
her husband exclusively upon oat meal and
dried apples. A terrible suspicion crosses
Mr.. MarrOwtat's mind that his dear Eurydlce
may be an Enthusiastically ArgaS.
Abiding to the fact that three steamers
have been fatally weakened by additions to
their length, the Chriaiah Register says
Many fine sermons have been ruined the
same way"
4 gentleman in Pottsville, Pa, has named
his dog Penny" because it was one cent to
him.
An old minister once recommended par.
ishoner to take snuff to keep him awake dur
ing the sermon to which the old backslider
retOrted that lie had better put snuff in the
sermon.
Mrs Patngton moved this spring to house
On Il railroad and she likes it very much.
at is so pleasant sOciable," she says, when
Ike Is Oft, to see the cars forty times day
pass pro and con before her windows
Medical students are warned not ask q GER
tain Western minister to preach for them.
He has his text ready: I'm his disease Asa
sought not the Lord but to the physicians.
And Asa slept with his fathers"
The new style of oath is out Mrs. Marrow
fat ordered her husband to peel the onions
for dinner before he left the house yesterday
and Mr. Marrowfat bringing down his fist
upon the table with much emphasis, observed:
May be crcmated, madam, If uon'
"Wednesday afternoon a Brunswick Ash
took buckeye away from bis boy, who was
carrying II for luck" and flung 1t cchtempt
uously into the street. Then he went into the
house and said "Wifc, it's the dark o. the
moon now-let's plant them taters.''-IHis,
souri BINaswir&tr.
care them Bibles ?" asked an old lady Of
q clerk in the probate office, pointing to rows
Of wills and other bound volumes of rec
ords mo, marm," was the bland reply,
them are tcstaments."
Murder is very serious thing, sir" said
an Arkansas judge to convicted prisoner;
lit is next to stealing a horse or mule, sir,
and shall send you TO the state prison Tor
six years, sir"
i Detroit gentleman prides himself ON his
fine fowls, ana his neighbor is equal ~ vain
of fine coach dog. The dog worries the
life out of the chickens. y few days ago the
owner of the dog received the following note;
.'Friend-You Keep dogs. | keep chickens.
If my chickens worry your dogs, shoot EN-"
And says she; well, if you haven't any
time and must 90 over to the store, you needn't
beat the carpet lsupposc we can live ike nlgS
a month longer as well as not" 49,,
Getting up in the night to give the hahy
dose of soothing sirup is rot what one cores
about, but it's hitting a fellows nose on the
halfopcn door that Corrugatcs his feelings.
The latest bonnet is a triiiG higher than
frcights on the railroad, and graceful
inpropor'icn.
The height Of roughness-1tc come home at
night wlleu your wife has gone away for
dav or two and find that she has accidentally
carried of the key 30 the closet where the
consolation is.
4 lazy had lier dress trimmed with bueles
before going to q ball. Her little daughter
r,,anted 10 know # the bugles would blow