Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-11-19

A watch Word-Qck.
Long division-Divores
A nod fellow-Morpheus.
Light-hsaded-A street lamp
Fee simple-A fec to . quack.
Levelipg down-0oing b bed.
Very hard linss-The railways.
An oct Of politeness-P Polishing
stoves.
Ayawl-boat-0n One filed With orys
ing babies.
How to treat . wifs-TrsAt hsv to
. new dress.
A Dubuque, Iowa, man o2ers 70
pray for % day.
Consistent to the last: Tom COL
lins has died 10 cell.
It is better 10 be flush in the pook-
ct than 10 the face.
When you 60 fishing. be sure and
stake . bite" before you start, for you
mar not keet one after.
A San Francisco man committed
suicide because a pictorial sheet char.
acterized him as an old nuisance.
30 kittens in our hous Of ease.
uncertain TOYS and full of feas: when
pain or anguish hang DER men, ~
turn you into sausage then"
The man who has not anything to
boast OF but his illustrious ancestors IL
like potato plant-the only good be-
longing to him Is under the ground.
A Georgetown man advertises con-
cerning his runaway wife. that, "As
I never pay my own debts. it Is rea.
sonable TO suppose that shall not
pay hers"
A ferryman was asked by q timid
lady whether any persons were ever
lost in the river over which he rowed:
"Oh, no. said he; I'VE always uno
'em the next day"
The opinion is being strengthened
every day that the man who 6rst
made o shirt to button behind did
more for the world than the one who
has discovered Eve comets.
Girls, as you value your lives. don't
get up and get breakfast in the morn.
ings. A young lady attempted it
one day last week, and was burned to
deaths Show this to your mammas.
In giving geography Lessons down
East, q teacher asked q boy what
State he lived in, and was amused
the reply, drawled out through th
boys nose, "a state Of sin and mj
ery.'
A young blood at hotel was
quested to pass a dish near him. II
you mistake me for q waiterf' 60
the exquisite. mo, sir; misto
you for a gentleman was the pro7
reply.
A modern philosopher, havini
mind the motion of the earth o.,
axis at seventeen miles q second,
that if you lift your hat in the ct
to bow to friend, you may go ses
fno~ miles bare headed without takib
cold
A lecturer, wishing TO explain TO
little girl the manner in which lob
ster casts its shell when he has out
grown it, said, "What do you do
when you hsve out grown your
clothes ;" You throw them away
don't you?" "Oh no replied the lit
tie one, I'VE let out the tucks."
The lecturer confessed che had the
advantage Of him there.
"what are you doing nowi" ask
ed New England man upon enter
| ing Mr.. -'s in Rome unan-
nounced. "Just at present, replied
the sculptor. who was washing bis
hands, 81 am performing requisite
ablution." Requisite ablution !"
exclaimed the New Englsnder, 81
never heard Of such q statue let's
have look at it"
A Fitchburg man developed
fine strategic talent the other day.
He was paying a hack fare, when
he dropped three bank bills, aud the
wind whisked them swiftly away.
After unavailing search for an hour
a bright idea struck him. He fold.
ed . piece of paper and dropped It
where the bills fell, followed its
fight. and where it rested, there be
found also his money.
There is an apple tree now standing
lon a farm in Rollinsford, n. H.. which
was planted one hundred and twenty.
live years ago, and il still in good
bearing condition. It's owner says
that there has not been year since
his remembrance that this tree has
not produced fruit There is another
still living at York, Me, which was
brought from England in a tub two
hundred years ago; and one in Bris-
tol, two hundred years old, that still
bears fruit.
An Irish girl, on applying for q
situation, was asked if she was used
to early rising. "Arrab y exclaimed
Biddy, sis it airly rising ye wsntsg
Faith. / always gets up. an has the
breakfast ready, and every bed in
the house made, before there Is .
soul in the house awake. An 10
that airly enough for ye!" The Ia
Idy thought it was, but she also
thought that making . bed while
A. ..n~.or, woa salocv, was n uoyQI eY-