Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-12-11
BumOrons skrtebes.

A sign-board can't tell anything. IL
takes an advertisement TO do that.
An who advertise do not get rich, but
precious few get rich without it.
The world is full of advertising, Yet
everyone wants to see what is new.
The worlds memory is short. II will
forget if you do not JOG it frequently.
Early to bed and early to rise will all be
in vain if you don't advertise.
The world is always sure TO find an hon
est man but ii will find him cut great
deal quicker if he advertises.
LITTLE LETTERS MATILDA Good
husbands are starse-so aIa Go"d wives
and il looks to me Just now az tho they
waz goin@ to be more skaisgr.
Yu kant ketch good husbands d! ish!nE
ton much for them they are a game fish,
ana are very rartikerar about the bait, and
how il IL handled.
There is CRATE skill too in seeling them in
after they are fairly hooked. Menny fine
fish haz been lost by kareless reeling it.
MORRIs-I am az advokate oy Fashion
not bekauz luv it for itself, but bekaz i
kno its power, and am anxious to hav it
kept az hi toned az possible.
Fashion controls the acktions more peo-
pie to-day than religion duz.
HARRoLD.-The usual substitute for n
baby in the household il lap dog, and |
have allwuss 7ittyed the dog.
Dogs luy TO run around out doors, fights,
sleep in the box, have a skirmish now and
tben with some other purpi in the neighbor-
hood, hunt for hcas, and bury and dig up
bones on their own account.
1t iz tuff on a dog so be held in tho lap all
the time, TO be fed with spoon and hav
biz ears put up in kurl papers, ani hiz tail
braided-it IL mortal tuf on the dog, tell
yu.
GERTRUDE,-Yu tell me that VA hay
been ) years at boarding-skool, and hav
Just finished yure edukashum and want 10
kno what yu shall do next
Listen, mi gushing Gertrude, and | will
tell yu.
Git up in the morning in good season, 60
down into the kitchen, seize a potato by
the throat with one hand and a knife with
the other, skin the potato and a dozen more
Just like it, stir up the buckwheat batter,
look in the oven and see how the biskits
are doing, hustle around generally, step on
the cats tail and helnyure good old mother
git breakfast.
After breakfast put up the yung children's
luncheon for skool, help wash up the dishes,
sweep sum, put things in order and sum-
time during the day nit at least two inches
and half on sum one OF yurc brothers.
little blue woolen stockings for next win
ter.
In other words 90 TO work and make
yureself useful now that yu hav becum or
namental, and ifyu hav emmy time left az
ter the beds are all made and the duks hav
been fed pitch into the pianna and make
the old rattle box skream with musk
Do this for one year, and sum likely yuug
fellow in the uaborhood will hear ov it, and
viii begin to hang around yu, and say
sweeter things than yu ever heard before,
and finally will give yu a chance to keep
hous Oh yure own hook
Yu follow my advic, Gerty. and see if he
don't
PECk.-Mi opinyum Ov the lottery biz
ness is very well developed, and hay no.
tissed that putting a very little money to
ketch a good deal with haz allwuss been
the plan ov very cunning men, but not the
plan ov very wize men.
Thare IL plenty ov folks in this world
who, if they buy 800 dollars worth ov lot
terry tickets and draw 375 dollars back,
think they are on the sure road TO suckcess,
and this iz just what makes the lottery
ritcb, and keeps the fellow who invests in
in it allwuss groing poorer.
The chances oy drawing large prize in
lottery il just about az certain az the north
pole Citing struck with litening.
Lotterys are legalized in sum States, but
they are the very wust kind NV gambling,
bekauze they are so sekret.
A man better thro the money into the
fire that he invests in lottery, for be mite
git six ov that after while and quit.
Mrs. TUCKER. Neatness il one ov the
vigtews, and it amt one ov the least ores
neither.
But thare IL certain kind oy hail Column
bia neatness that makes the possessor ov
it and everybody else around them mizera-
ble.
/ nav seen good square Christian wimmin
who would skrub sumthing from Jan. /,
1S7l, to Jan. l, 1874, and dcklare all the
time that things wuz too filthy TAR emmy
thing
hay known them to git up at four O'Clock
in the morning, and hunt for dirt bi kandle
lite, and keep hunting until bedtime, and
then have a cOckroach mite mare, or dream
hatf the mite that the old hous kat waz in
sum kind ov mischief.
Ii these kind oy wimmin have emmy chill
dren they wear themself out, and the chill
dren too, trieing to keep the molasses of
from their bibs and following them around
to see if they brought emmy mud iato the
hous on their shuze.
There IL no peace and quietness in
houshold oy this kind every boldly il on
easy, and the kat IL on the Jump all the
time. JOSIE Billings, IN " y. Weekly
SPOLLED OYsTERs.-'IIafe you got some
Of dot kind OF oysters fwhat haf been shpil-
ed = Spilled oysters Yes, we have a few
cans left over from last week that | think
will fit you How you sold 'em = oh,
III sell 'em right; you may have all you
want for a nickel Well, den, mine good
frent. will you be 50 kind to pring me four
dozen fon dot damaget lot The oysters
were brought, and the customer put them
quietly down into the pit Of his stomach,
and having finished the job, he said to the
restauranteur Now, my very kind trent,
you hafe got some good oysters, aint it p
YOU'RE mighty right | have Veil |