Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-01-15
HumovOux and Wnty.

Who shall oppose the cODgnering rose,
And who the runbeam rlay2
Humorous and Wilty. .
A PHILADELPHIA barber has invented
a grease extract OF, which he says will
be useful "to all who clothes"
A BOY in his ninth year can never,
with propriety, accuse another Of slnt-
tony-so long as he's over eight him
self.
IHE Boston Globe says: "a mans
nose Is not q nose when it is a little
reddish" Neither is it, when it is .
turn up. !
The refrigerator car from San
Francisco to New York has been with
drawn, as it failed in its Pacific pur-
pose. - ~
President KAYE and DR.. Grove of
the Cincinnati city council, lead a re-
form clique in that board which is
known as the Crowe-Kaye party.
TIE affidavit of q Chicago policeman
states that The called me an ass, q
simpleton, and an idiot, all of which 1
declare to be true" 90 go
SoxE people are easily satisfied. A
Kentucky lady recently had her arm
a%mputated by two surgeons Gin q man
ner creditable to the profession and
highly satisfactory to the patient"
A GREAT drinker being at a table,
they offe. ed him grapes 1T DESSERT.
"Thank you," said he, pushing away
the plate, II don't take my vine in
pills"
A LECTURER recently t~elegrsphed to
. temperance organization that ne
would lecture on GA Taste for Naples
and Rome" The telegrapher got it " A
Taste for Apples and Rum"
LITTLE fellow crept away from his
pious mamma at a book store, and
whispered to . clerk, "Say, havn't you
any hooks to sell without any. religion
in them ="
"BoY, what's become Of the hole I
saw in your pants the other day2"
Young America, carefully examining
his unmentionables, Its worn out,
SIR" ( = go ~
"You yawn," said . lady to her
husband. MY DEAR. replied the
husband. "a mar ard his wife are
but one, and when alone 1 become
weary"
A SCHOOL inspector in Alsace, a short
time ago. asked q well-known bright
urchin if he knew the Savior's name.
The boy answered correctly. "How
did he die p "Tbev killed him"
"Who?" 1.-THE Prussians 2"
FIRST little boy" Oh, that egg's
done now I'm sure It's been, in five
minutes by the clock"
Second ditto-"Oh, it amt ready
yet, then, because that clocks too
fasti" :. ~
"FEL1oV trave'lers," said a colored
preacher, "ef I had been eatin't dried
apples for a week, an: den took to
drinkin' for a mont, / couldn't feel
more swelled up dan 1 Nm ais mint
with pride and vanity at SEEM such
full Tendance har dis evenin'.
"TAKE . wing" gushed a pompous
upstart, extending his bert arm to =
sensible young lady, At the close of the
prayer meeting. "Not OF a gander,".
che quickly replied, and walked home
with her mother.
AN undecided fellow c0urted q lady
% years and then married her. She
turned out q perfect virago, but died
in two. years after the wedding. "Now,
said he, in elf-coneratulatory tone, .
''see what I have escaped by = long
courtship."
TIE st. Louis Christian Advocate
has no ear for music, and complains
that q church choir is: sacriligeous
when the line We are going home to
die no more " is rendered "We'r going
home to Dlnah More, to Dinah More,
to D1nah More" 49,
The latest meaning evoked out of
Shakspeare's text comes from Boston:
A member of = society, who appeared
Emelia, in response to- Othello's-
honest E" "Honest?-M-y L-o-r-d!"
HusBAHD-"Why don't you wear hair
and things, and dresses, and look like
other women Z" Wife-"What! and
have everybody say, What a pity that
handsome woHan-marFfed-shaeugy
little man Oh, no !"
A NEGRO preacher holding forth to
bis congregation upon the subject OF
obeying the commandments OF God,
said "Bredren, Whatever God tells
me to do in dis book (holding up the
Bible(, dat I'm gwine to do. If I see
in it dat I must jump troo a stone
wall. I'm gwine to jump at it. Going
troo it longs to God, jumpin' at it longs
to me-"
An army of afflicted feminines Will
this little dirge from the
Traveller: .
How has the busy little moth
Improved our winter fufs
From eating NUTS and sealskin hats.
No can,phur It detcrs.
SARAH-''The Japanese are not
allowed to wear boards, num- are
Mistress-"What an extraordinary
question, Sarah. Inever saw n with
a beard. think, perhaps, it's
the custom to shave.
Sarah (of rather mixed ideas)-"1'or,
mum, 1 shouldn't think they'd go and
do that. Take all the Japan OF, num-
wouldn't it 2"
A Missouri paper says: 'The custom
of putting powder in sticks of wood for
neighbor to steal is au old and
one, and when We passed by
house the other morning and saw the
shlvering out in the yard over q
stove, and heard the children
CRYING for break asst, our heart was
filed with bitter reflections on mans
to man."
A NERVOUS looking chap was helping.
a lady from a wagon in front OF Karls
shop, Friday, and keeping an
glance on the door efthe chop.
just as the lady had~g part way down
a stranger was observed to approach
with evident designs on the
shop. The nervous chap at once let go
the lady and darted into the shop,
while the stranger stopped to extricate
the lady from beneath the wagon, and
then passed on up. the street.-Danbu-
~ Net0s.
JOB says his patience is nearly ex-
hausted by watching the women Of the
He met Miss Fuss-and-Feath-
ers lately on Broadway. She wore q
crown of plumes around her head and
long trailing ones down her back; her
jacket was grit Found and about with
feathers. she could not have carried
more feathers unless previously tarred:
" IL fine," quoth Job, who is fond OF
Scriptural quotations, "she looked as
though she had taken up her bed and
walked.