Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-09-03
Humorous. .

A criminal court-Sparking an
other mans wife.
IT can at last be said of most self
made men that they worship their
creator.
Where there's will there's a way,
and, too often, way to get round it.
Never reveal your secrets to a rela-
tive, for, ablood will tell.''
What is that which ties two per-
sons, but only touches one? A we'd
ding ring.
Why should young ladies never
wear stays? Because it is so horrld
to see girl tight.
"Can't we make your lover jealous
miss2p 20, yes, sir, think we can'
if we put our heads together"
"Sambo, did you ever see the Cat
skill MountainsY' 'No, sab; but I've
seen um kill mice"
Every Jack should have his Gill,
but the trouble is that Jack generally
wants quart.
"The chasm that l most dislike" !"
said a sensitive girl, sis sarcasm" !"
She was sensible as well as sensitive.
The wife of a roofer being asked if
she was not afraid to have her hus-
band exposed to such danger, truth
fully replied, "Oh, he's insuredp'
At recent fair held in MOntgom-
cry, Ala, premium was offered for
the young woman who would make
the best wife for poor man."
The Boston Globe believes that no
young woman should be permitted to
marry until she can make worsted
dog and serve up slipper pattern in
style.
1t isn't always best to call things
by their right names. A young gen
tleman called a coach dog Dalma-
tian hound, and was Informed by his
fancee that if he could not refrain
from profanity in her presence they
must henceforth be as strangers.
A lady called on witty friend, who
was not at home, and finding the
piano dusty, wrote upon it ''slattern."
The next day they met, and the lady
said: 81 called on you yesterday"
"Yes, l saw your card on the piano
A precocious young lad being asked
in school how many kinds of meter
there were, answered, promptly:
''five-long meter, short meter, par
ticular meter, gas meter, and meet
her by moonlight alone, which
amounts to about the same thing"
A gentleman who was on a journey
became deeply engaged in thought,
when a woman approached him and
said, "Sir, can l open that Window
He slowly drawled out, 81 suppose
you can if you bring your whole
mind to it, She quickly retorted,
"None of your palaver, sir, for l am
darned sick to my stomach"
Snook's boy heard him say the
other day that there was money in
hens, and he proceeded to investigate
the old mans poultry yard. He had
gone through dozen fine specimens
when the old gent descended upon
him, and the boy now wonders if
there's balm in Gilead.-Marquette
Mining Journal.
A man who recently attended a
lecture on the antiquity of Intoxi-
cation got home about one o'clock
A NJ, and told his wife he had been
to hear some remarks on the 'Intoxi-
ty of Antiquation.' -
A giddy student, having had his
= skull fractured, was told by the doc
tor that the brain was visible, on
which he remarked: "Do write and
tell father, for he always said had
none"
Grandpa Childers, This name
should be Childish, J of Cass county,
Iowa, aged sixty-three, who has re-
Gently married sweet lump of girl |
only fifteen summers, called at the
Atlantic Telegraph Office to thank
the editor for the nice notice he wrote
of the meeting and mingling of Janu-
ary and June.
''Charles," said a young lady to her
lover, ''there is nothing interesting in
the paper to-day, is there, dear?'
'No, love, but l hope there will be
one day, when we both shall be in
serted" The lady blushed, and said,
of course, "For shame, Charles"
In an English church, recently,
after the publication of the bands of
marriage by the minister, a grave
elder, in stentorian voice, forbade
the bands between certain couple.
On being asked for an explanation, he
said, Il had intended Hannah for my
SELF And Hannah did not see it,
so the elder sings, Not for Hannah
now.