The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1874-05-29

"kind words are wonderful in their way"
says an exchange, "but so far as children
go, a bootjack exerts more powerful in
fiuence."
"A Philadelphia youth was recently
married to girl who had refused him
eighteen times. lie wishes now he hadn't
asked her but seventeen.
-"Do you call that veal outlet, wait
err" said an old gentleman dining at
restaurant "Why it's an insult to every
true calf in the country well sir, l
didn't mean to insult you,' returned the
waiter.
Not particular-a man who applied
to one of our citizens for help for his desti-
tute children, on being asked what he
needed, said he was not particular "lf he
couldn't get bread he would take tobac-
co..
1t is said that one of the editors of a
New Orleans paper, soon after commence
ing to learn the printing business, went
to see preachers daughter. The next
time he attended meeting he was consid-
ably astonished to hear the preacher
announce as his text: "My daughter is
grievously tormented with a devil"
"A German peddler sold man a liquor
for extermianting bugs. And how do
you use it ~ inquired the man after he had
bought it. "Ketch the bug, und drop
Won little drop into his mouth" answer
ed the peddler. "Pshaw ?" exclaimed the
purchaser, 81 could kill it in half the
time by stamping on it," "Vell," ex-
planned the German, "dat is good way,
too"
Docs your arm pain you z" asked Il
lady of a gentleman who, at party had
thrown his arm across the back of her
chair, so that it touched her shoulder.
mo madam, it doesn't pain me; but why
did you ask ?"
sob, noticed that it was out of place,
sir, that's ALL"
The arm was removed.
~ hen a man comes home and tries to
bolt his door with a sweet potato, pokcs
the fire with the spout of cotfee-pot,
attempts to wind up the clock with his
boot-jack, tries to cut kindling-wood for
the morning with a paper knife, takes a
pair of shutters to light him to bed, and
prefers sleeping in his hat and boots, you
may reasonably infer that he has been max
ing the acquaintance of some very friendly
people.
"A young man who was married i'll De.
troit six months ago has joined in the dis.
cussion of the question of family economy
but his little contribution is far from salts.
factory. Il do not" says he, understand
how it is. | used to figure it out as | sal
with my arm around her waist on Sunday
nights, and all it would then cost to live
would be two dollars and seventy five cents
week, and now | spend fifteen dollars
and am hungry half the time" Brute!
The queerest object in nature is {
Spanish beggar, for these beggars beg OF
horseback, and it is an odd thing to see /
man riding up to poor ioot-passenger ant
asking aims. A gentleman in Valparaiso
being accosted by one CT these mounted
beggars, replied, "why, sir, you come t.
beg of me who have TO 90 on foot, while
you ride on horseback !" VERY true, sir,
said the beggar, "and have the more ncet
to beg, as have to keep my horse as wei
as myself
-"Silver Spring." according to Flori
da correspondent, is the most unique spo
near that most unique of rivers, the Ocla
waha. One maryels over the clear trans
parent water. Your boat seems to float il
the air, and objects can be seen eighty fee
down at the bottom-fsh, too, are plainl
seen. The bottom is silver sand, vari
ed with pale emcralds, huge colored rock
strange formations of lime crystals an,
white coral. The spring throws out thous
ands of gallons of water minute, bu
there is scarcely discernible ripple on it
surface. Drop in a coin and you can fol
low it with your eyes to the sand at til
bottom as it zig gags downward.