Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-01-10
Bolt ALWAYS in Order,

Squils declares that his wife is always taking
some kind OF mean advantage of him. cine
best woman in the world, sir" says Squills,
"but now and then she will act mean, and she
can't help it," Last Saturday at breakfast =
says Squills, "she was as smiling as a bundle
OF chips" Are your chops done to your lik-
ing, Squills, dear?" " Deliciously, my love-"
brOiled them myself, dear" al knew it was
going to be hot" said Squills, "and when get
INTO the hall TO leave, Mrs. Squins was there
with my hat in one hand and my overcoat in
the other. 'Squills dear" she began. | thought
it time to pitch in here" said Squills $50 said
quietly, - How much, Mrs. sdulls? out with
Don't be unmanly sir, l beg; not to say ridi-
culous. Gussy wants a silk dress to go to church
in; the poor child really isn't decent-you are
very sorry" well, so you ought to be. LET her
say her Iprayers at home" No, Mr. SquiIls,
she shan't stay at home, and she shan't say her
prayers, and Mr.. Squills. you are enough to
aggravate saint, and your conduct is disgust
ing, and it's enough to drive a woman to bot
right OFF to Chicago and get divorce" 81
thought this was good time to fire off my pet
joke" said Squills, $50 said, "Mrs Squills,
self, for Mrs Squills comes of a fighting family.
When went home that night, Gussy, dear
child, played all my pet Otfenbach music, and
/ knew | was in for the dress, only wanted to
hold out till morning just for the look of the
thing. " For hve years after we were married."
said Squills, "MTs. 5. would persist in looking
under the bed for man. It's the same man
every woman looks for, suppose. because they
all do 1t. Well, falling to lind the man, MIS-.
Squills finally gave up in disgust, and took TO
something else. L suppose" said SquilS,
"they'l take to something else after they can't
find the man under the bed. Mrs. Squill's
weakness is boiling the door "AIr. Squils,
have you b0lted the door," is always the last
thing at night. This particular night" said
Squills, Mrs. s. was very dignified and dis
tant, "No tamiliaritits, MIR. Squills, if you
please; you wounded my feelings in their ten
derest point. this morning, and cannot forget,
though you did, that am your wife, sir. aud
the mother OF your children, Mr.. S1uills." dis
was pitching in uncommonly strong, you
KNOW" said Squills, "and was about to sur
render, when Mrs. Squills turned Off the gas,
and then coiled herself up in pet, somewhere
on the outside bed-rail. Not even "good night,
Squills." l felt pretty bad about 1t, L can tell
you, but went to sleep, but some time after |
experienced kick In the back, as If some play-
ful mule had been tanning me. Perhaps 1t as
necessary, as l always sleep hard ssMr
Squills, at last l heard Mrs. s. say, Mr..
So uills, have you bolted the d0or?" Now /
leave it to any man, ;" said Squills, appealinglv
whether that is the correct thing for the
mother of a family to DO? or course | got up
and bolted that Internal door, and said :skrs
Squills, why the deuce didn't you think of bolt
ing the door before 1 went to sleep, and not to
wake up man In the middle of a cold night TO
do it?" And what do you suppose her answer
was? Why, Mr.. Squills," said she, 81 thou Chit
bolt was always in ORDER" What did saw?
What could 1 sayf And the worst of il aiI.n
said Squills, "rll be hanged If she wasn't
laughing at me; l could feel the bed shak-
ng."-St. Louis Republican.