Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-12-12
BY MARK TWAIN.

sent the following home in private letter
some time ago, from certain little village. It
was In the days when | was public lecturer.
ulG IL because wished to preserve the memory
OF the most artless, sOciable and exhaustless
talker L ever came across. He did not tell me a
single remarkable tang, or one that was worth
remembering; and yet he was himself so iu-
teresied in his small margels, and they flo Ned
80 naturally and comfortably from his lips that
his talk got the upper hand of my iaterest TOO,
and listened as one who receives a revelation.
l took down what he had to say, Just as he said
it-without altering word or adding one.
had my supper in my room this evening. a.
usual, and they sent up bright, simple, guile
ness little daI key boy to wait on me-ten wears
old; wide-eyed, observant little chap said:
"Nhat Is your name my bOy?"
"Dey calls me Jimmy, san; but my right
names James, sah."
said, "Sit down there, Jimmy-I'Il not want
you just yet"
He sat down in big arm chair, hung both his
legs over one OF the arms, aud looked cuInforta-
BILE and Conversations. 4 said:
odd you have q pleasant Christmas, Jim
my?'
"No, sal; not zackly. l was kind o. sick den
But de res o de people dey had good time
mos all Nv EN- had good time. Dey 81 got
drunk. Dey all gifts drunk hesh every Christ
II a. and carries on and has awful good timesD
$50 you were sick, and lost it all. But unless
you we're very sick ! should think that if Won
had asked the doctor be might have LEI Won get
a little drunk-and-"
"Oh, no, sah-I don't never git drunk-it's de
IOIkS-uoIns dc ones i means, Pa usei
to git drunk, but at was bsfo' L was biy-but
he's done quit. He don't git drunk no mo- no w.
jig takes one nip in the mawnn' now, Cuz his
,tomach riles up, he sleeps 20 eoun'. JIs' one
nIp-Cyer TO de s'loon-every mawnin'. He's
powerful sickly-powerful-s0meti mes he can't
hardly git aroun', he can't. He goes 10 de doc
tor every week-over TO rsgtown: An enc time
ne tuck soIne stuff, you know, an it mighty near
fetched him Amt it lush yer blue vittals OATS
polson?-ain't dat it?-truck what you pisons
cats wid?"
"Yes, blue vtsles CyitrIoll is very convinc-
ing article with cat"
"Well, den, dat was it. De ole man, he tuck
seed it was blue, and he didn't know but it was
blue mass, which no tuck mos alwsys-blue
mass pils-but Gen he 'rpected msbe dish-yer
truck might be some other kin o. blue stuff and
80 ne sot de bottle down, and drat iii wants
blue vittles, shO' huff, when de doctor come
An de doctor hesay IL he'd y tuck dat blue Wit
Ties IL would a hiehsted bin, shO'. People can't
be too particlar bout SIGH things. Yes, indeedy!
We amt got no cats heah bout his hotel! Bill
he don't like EN-. He can't stan cat no vay
Ef he was to catch one he'd slam 1t outen de
wlnder IN minute. les, he would. Bill's down
on cats. so Is de gals-waiter gals. When dew
ketches Cat hummin' aronn' heah dew lis,
scoops him-'deed dey do. Dey snake him int
water OATS in yo' pitcher. 1 seed a cat in dare
yistiddy-all swelled up like pudd'n. bet you
dem gals done dat. Ma Gays If dey was to
sketched she'd Jam her into de clstern long wild
de cat. Ma wouldn't do that, 1 don't reckon,
but deed an double, she said she would. can't
kill chlcken-well, kin ring Its neck off, cuz
dat don't make 'em no sufferIn' scarcely; bur I
can't take and chop dey heads off, like some
People Kin. lt makes me feel so-so-well, L
kin see dat chicken nights, SOS can't sleep.
Mr.. Dunlsy, he's De richest man In dis town.
Some people says deys To- thousan' people In
dis toHn-dls city. But Bill he says dey amt
knows, cuz he's lived heah all his life, do dey
cay he won never set de river on nre. 1 don't
know how dey flu out wouldn't like to count
all dem people Some folks says dis town would
be considerable bigger ii it want on accounts
of go much lam all rOun' 1t dat Amt got no
houses on it," This in perfect seriousness
dense simplicity-no idea of jOke). ~ reckon
you seed dat church as you come along up street
OATS All awful big church-awful high steeple
AM it's ell solld stone. excep jess de top part
de steeple, L means-dats wood. It falls off
wi en- de win blows poorly hard an one time 1t
stuck In cows back and busted de co " ali to
de mischief. It's gwine TO xiii somebody vat,
| dat steeple Is. A man-big man he was-bgyer
what Bill is-he tuck it up dare and fxei IL
sgain-an' he didn't look no biggsr'n a boy, he
vas SO high up. Dat steeple's awful high. 1T
you look out de winder you kin see it," look ed
| out, and was speeches. with awe and admtra-
| tion-which gratifed Jimmy beyond expression
| The wonderful steeple was some sixty or seven
| ~ fest high, and had clOck-fsce on it "You
| see dat arrer on top o. dat steeple? Wei, sab.
dat arrer is pooty nigh as big AZ dis do, Tdoor
| tEnter tie landlords kindly man, versing
toward ntty. My small friend, without chang
"BiIl, didn't you say dat dey was only thirty
| three humid people In dis city?''
'Yes, about thirty-three hundred Is the popu-
lation now"
"Well some folks say deyis fo' thousan'"
"Yes, know they do; but it isn't correct"
"Bill, don't think dis gen'lman kin eat a
whole prairie chicken, but dey tole me to fetch
| it all up"
ayes, that's all risht-he ordered it."
EXIT "Bill," leaving me comfortable; for
| had been perishing to know Who "Bill" was.l
| "Bu. he's de oldest. And he's the best too
pey's fo'teen in dis family-ali boOs ami gals.
| Bill, he supports 'em allan he don't never
| complain-he's real good, Bill lie. All dem
brothers an sisters O. his'n Amt no 'count-all
ceptin's dat little teeny one dat fetched in Il at
milk. OATS Kit, sab. She amt only nine years
ole. But she's de most lady-like one in de whole
! bilin'. You don't never see Kit O. rairin' an a
| chargin' sroun' an kickin' up her heels like de
rest of the gas In dis family does gen'ally. Dat
| vas N an dat you hearn a-cuttin' dem shines on
| de pi-ansh while ago. An sometimes Of abe
| don't rsstle dat pianah when she started. Tab
| csntt hole candle to her, but Tab kin sing like
| dc very nation. She's de ORly one In dis family
l dat kin sing. You don't never hear yelp Quite
Nan. Nan can't sing for shucks. I'd jes' lieyes
hear tom cat OATS got scalded. Dey's fo'teen
in dis family sides the ole man am de ole
| 'ooman-all brothers an sisters. But soma of
'em don't live heah-d0' Bill he supports 'em-
lends'ern money, an pays dey debts an he pc
'em along. tell you, Bili, he's real good Dew
L drunk fce., Bill Ia nj m !. a..