The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-11-28
VARIETY.

An indianapolis editor says of a retiring cotem
poraTy '' His blunders never annoyed him, and
he was cheerful and chirrupy under a mountain
OF mistakes"
To SAY THE LEAsT.-It doesn't look well, to
say the least, for Kansas church member to
have to draw out his revolver in order to get at
his two cents for the contribution box.
NEVER. Yes, Job suffered some" said an
Illinois deacon, % but he never knew what it was
TO have his team run away and kill his wife right
an the busy season when hired girls want three
dollars per week. re
Looks DRFKREsr-A professional man not
Tar from State street, Boston, returning to his
Oliee ono day, after a substantial lunch, said
cOmplaeendy 10 his assistant, - Mr. Peetkin the
world looks different to a man when he has three
inches Of rum IN him." 81 Yes" replied the
junior, without a moments hesitation, as and he
looks different to the world.
Errors will creep into the best regulated news
paper, but the London Times Saturday, May
l6Ih, in its report of the Parliamentary pro-
ceedings of the preceding evening, fairly outdld
itself. The House being in COMMITTEES of Supply,
the Chairman ordered to :" report progress
The Printing House Square Journal gave it that
the Chairman was directed - to repeat prayers"
Ioxc ENoUGn-A clergyman in one of the
rural towns Of Maine, who had preached almost
two hours, the other Sunday, was interrupted by
one OF his hearers, who remarked, in a very loud
voice - There! there! you have preached long
enough. If ve- preach any longer we shall for
get the s-5ect Of the textl'' The meeting closed
imPsdiately after.
GREAT NEws.-It is related Of Senator Sumner
that during the war and shortly after a terrible
disaster that thrilled the land, gentleman met
Mr.. Sumner walking slowly along the streets of
Boston. lie rushed hurriedly and in great excite
ment to the Senator. " Mr. Sumner" he cried
- have YOU any news Tor us?'' I" Yes, SIR re-
spOnded the invalid an his deep voice. " Yes,
sir I am much better"
SPIcY-Epitaph on a reporter, by lawyer:
Then A. - dead,
W. 1gsS:f; t.-,s ;!Sss.l% nsSs as Hes
E'er do otherwse1
Epigram on the lawyer:
A legal friend proposes when I'm dead,
This win not him when his form Is chill
How can he when his tongue Is stnl
TFEoud have Gtter meaning the line,
Were straizhtway painted on his once sigu-
A writer in the St. Paul Press tells new story
of Horace Greeley. Horace wrote a note to a
brother editor in New York, whose writing was
equally as iIegible with his own. The recipient
OF the note not being able to read il sent it back
bv rhe same messenger to Mr.. Greeley for elucida-
tion Surprising it to be the answer to his own
note, Mr.. Greeley looked over it, and likewise
was unable to read IT, and said 10 the boy: " Go,
take il back What does the fool mean2" " Yes,
sir" said the boy, - that it just what he says"
An EnLiISnuan nOiuiIE loEbu III TIC SfShths IN
n Scotch hotel to some friends and some strangers
an the house on the subject Of cremation OF bodies
an place Of the present mode OF burial, wound up
bv declaring that he had about made up his mind
10 leave directions with his executors and friends
thar when he died, his body should be cremated.
A czlnny old ScOtchman, who did not relish the
innovation, set the table on roar by re-
marking - We seem in great hurry aboot that
business ma freen. a that may possibly be or
dained % be done. without Ony bother TO your
~ nd
and pleasure
DYING ExPREssIoNs- Atlanta CoHsiifuiiOH,
Speaking Of MilIard Fillmore, says: '' The idea
Of the dying statesman dwelling on victuals and
euIOgizing the palatasility of food is strangely
unromantic Mr.. Rose, in bis history OF William
Pitt declared that the remarkable man exclaimed,
AT the supreme moment of departure, - Save my
country heaven =" The nurse, being interrogated
started most emphaticaIly that he had - asked
for a basin of Cruel" No certain dependence
can be placed upon the representations OF partial
friends as to the actual last words of the great
The tendency is always to seize upon the dying
expressiOn which is most Presentable for the in
speetiou Of the critic or the multitude The rest
is silence
The Nashville Banner says - Rocktown
maiden has invented new method OF dismlssing
tiresome beaux When they call in the evening,
and remain until 10 O'Clock, she rises quickly,
and walking over 70 the clock, which Is ticking
on the mantel. winds 1t up, cxclalming (uncon-
sciOusIy, of eOurse), Dear me, how late II Is
and the nights are so shOrtr If they don't take
the hint-she suddenly becomes very warm, and
fans herself violently. Her fan Is a model In
every respect Ii has the words, Young man,
dos vour mother know you're OUT? painted on
o,e side IN small letters while the other side is
bIank She adroitly turns the side with the in
seription toward the young man, who, glanclng
AZ Il. suddenly remembers that he must De at
home by 1920 O'Clock, certain. she; Of course
0Ii,sIv inouires why his haste? and he, muir
RRnrinS an excuse, bids her good night. and flies
from her presence forever. Her Teai lover is
never permitted to see that side OF the ian.