The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-04-01
SCRAPS.


Why was the whale that swallow
ed Jonah like a retired milkman
Because he got a profit (prophet
outofthe water,
Fifty million dollars are invested
in journalism in the city CT New
York. So says some chap ,wh'
knows no thing about it.
Among the attractions of a sail
of oil paintings advertised i'll Sa,
Francisco is a picture of Gen. Jack
son just from the bath.
A burglar who was found under
a mans bed in Philadelphia excus
ed himself on the ground that he
was looking tor his dog.
"The one thing" says Jean Paul.
(which q maiden most easily for.
gets is how she looks-hence mir.
rors we're invented.
The New York newsboys have
opened their theatre again and the
policemen have had to retreat. In
tellect always triumphs.
Emerson says: "The way to
make the world betteris by reform
ing number one, then there is sure
Iy one less villain in the world" !"
The Indians have invented new
method of sealping victims, SO that
now a bald-headed man stands no
more show than any one else. This
is as it should be.
A Western paper says of the air,
in its relations to man: "It kisses
and blesses him, but will not obey
him." Blobbs says that that de-
scription suits his wife exactly
1t was North Carolina landlord
who posted the notice in his dining
room that members Of the Legis-
lature would be the first seated,
and afterward the gentlemen.
A beau in Irisburg, Vermont,
took his girl out for ride. The
sleigh tipped over and broke her
leg: then the beau sent her home
on a wood sleigh that chanced to
come along, and continued his ride
alone.
Some men never lose their pres
ence of mind In Milwaukee last
week a man threw his mother-in-
Jaw outof a window in the fifth
story of a burning building, and
carried a feather bed down stairs
in his arms.
The journalists will have their
fun, as witness the following from
a Cincinnati paper: ga favorite
amusement at Laramie is slashing
off strangers ears. One blow is
enough for all except Louisville
ears"
"Farewell, Susan-you have
driven me to the grave" wrote
John Larch, of Alabama, four
years ago, apd left the note on the
river bank. He was arrested the
other day in Cincinnati, living with
another woman.
An old maple-sugar maker fears
that "sap" will be very thin this
spring. He says the ground has
been so thoroughly saturated with
water all winter that maple trees
have absorbed too much to yield
good sap.
A solution of gutta-percha, i'll
either thrown on a charcoal, or
crayon drawing, in the shape of
spray, will soon form a transparent
and durable coating, which allows
the dust to be rubbed off OCCASION
ally with a wet cloth without DANA
ging the drawing.
"Well, Sambo, what's yer up to
nowadays ?" 90, I is a carp'ner
and finer" "He! I guess yer is.
What department do you perform ?
What department? Why, I does
The circular work" "What's dat?"
'Why, I turns de grindston|.'e-
g'way." '
At a Brooklyn wedding, among
the presents ostentatiously display
ed, was a one-hundred-dollar bill,
a present from the doting father
to the darling daughter. After
the guests had departed, the old
man coolly rolled up the bill and
put it in his vest pocket, and that
was the end of it. "..
A Kentucky man refused to look
at sample sewing, machine not
long ago, as he always "sewed
wheat by hand" He is related to
the man who did not want thresh-
ing machine on his farm, "for,'
said he, "give me a harness tug or a
barrel stave, and I can make my
family toe the mark according to
the law and scripter.:'' |