, 1874-04-12
THE BRASS COCK.
a Story Of Red Tape.

Concerning the early history Of our hero Get
me here explain that the recollection OF it's eub-
sequent career leads me- at times into speaking
of the brass cock as an animate object)-con-
corning tho early history of our hero, repeat,
am totally in the dark. I cannot even throw any
light On that period when it first became the
property Of Her Majesty, and underwent the
painful operation OF having q broad arrow and q
". D. stamped upon the small Of it's back. All
these interesting little details are wrapped in
profound obscurity; but, doubtless, the brass
cock performed its duties in connection with
beer and porter barrels Just as any other brass
cock might have done. When after many years
of home service. in which its constitution bo-
came much weakened and impaired, Its broad
arrow and ". D. nearly obliterated, and itB pow
ers of leaking highly matured. it was, with many
other worn-out articles, drafted out on foreign
seryice.
It's destination was Hong Kong. where, can
state, it arrived enfcy, es myself saw it there
! Inter on. Here it made stay Of some duration
in the military stores, until, one fine day, tho
Barrack- Master At that station discovered that
tho services OF an article OF this description
wero required. Then did this official sit down
to his desk, and with few strokes OF his pen,
set
THE woSpnouB MACHINERY
of the eyBtem in motion. First Of all, 1cquisi-
ton Was sent in to the Fort-Adjutant Of the gar
r;son, who should have submitted it to the Com
mandant, who should have forwarded it to the
Deputy-Asaistant-Qu -Quartermaster-G General OF the
station, whose duty it would have been to have
laid it before tho General, from whom, ap-
proved Of or otherwise, it would then have re-
turned through the same stages to the Ba1rack~
Master.
Now, all these officials in the natural course
Of their duties, would have complicated mat
tcrs but the complication was greatly Increased
ton, aud the Commaudant, when nnother ono
came in, in fit Of absence, lighting his pipe
with the second. The Barrack- Master waited
patiently for some time. and then, wondering at
the silent contempt with which bis not very e.
traTagant demand for one brass cock had been
treated sent in q third requisitlon, which hap
pened to arrive at the garrison cfico just aftcr
the first had turned up under the Fort-Adju-
tant'a nose.
Halloa I" eoliloquized that Intelligent young
officer, 'here's old Barracky wants two brass
cocks" Then, clothing his thoughts in more Of
fetal language. he thus addressed the Command
ant. who sat at the opposite side Of the table,,
"Hcre arc two regulations from the Barrack-
Master, sir, for two brass cocks, dated different
daye."
looked at them very sternly.
"wuy THE DEVIL
can't he send in ono requisition for the two 2"
he irascibly remarked, as it he had detected and
nippcd in the bud fearful conspiracy with In
tent to defraud.
The Fort-Adjutant, sitting glimmering which
Just then dawned upon him, TINT he himself
might have mislaid the original requistion, di-
yeFted the current OF questions tbs tommandant
vas about to put BY stating that q. tho Barrask-
Commandant not only indorscd, but added that
he WAS ''d-d fool" as he ecribbled of on the
two requisitions, 's Forwarded to tho Deputy AS
sstant- t-Quartermaster-G General for the considcra-
ton Of His E1ce1ency, tho Major-General COM
manding." After this the greater part OF the re-
mainler of the morning WIS spent ln proving to
and agreeing with each other that AL = me ON
cials in every Office but their own were "infernal
fools:" m occupation which in like manner Was
carried on pretty brakly in tho other oihcla1
deng, 49,.
At midday the Fort-Adjutant repaired to the
reglmental mess for tiflin. and here be met the
Barrack-A1aster to whom he jocoselY remarked,
"Halloa, old fellow! what the deuce do yon want
with two brass cocka:"
"Who the devil says want two ?" indignantly
asked the Darrack-Maater, su1artin6 under tho
delay to which he had been victim.
The Fort-Adjutant's suspicious with regard to
his having misaid the original reputation re-
ceiyeo cu1sh14n4tiea, GO he thrax M . Little bat
terry Of official reserve, and retired bohlnu It.
"wUo SATs WANT Two: Z:
repeated tho Barrack-,laster, ga!lantly ssorming
the battery.
why, didn't yon yoursc1f:" ?" asked tho Fort
Adiutant, with an almost unconditional suzreu-
"No, didn't," Was the reply. ssI sent in
requisition for one, and, not hearing anything, !
thought you couldn't have received it; SO sent
in q second, with the Same result as the first;
then at last sent in q third.
''Well, we've got tho first and the third, " said
the Fort-Adjutant; ''and they're gone On to tho
General suppose the second muet have mis-
carried altogether"
Now tho result OF the above conversation WAS
that tho Fort-Adjutant went back to tho gasri-
sou-oflice, and, finding that the requisitions had
not yet been forwarded, destroyed the first ono;
the Darrack-3Iaste returned to his Office, and,
to prevent mistakes, as he thought, wrote let
ter. begging to withdraw the last-dated re4ulsl-
ton, which letter the Commandant received,
next morning, during the temporary absence Of
the Fort-Adj jutant, and sent it on to the Deputy
Asaistaut-Q -QuaI:crmaster-G General, who, On re-
ceipt thereof, mathematical the brass cock and
'.old Barracky for not knowing his Own mind,
and tore up tho last surviving requisition; all
this presented very striking instance Of how
too many COOKS
INVARIABLY SPOIL THE BROTH.
DAYS, weeks, roll on. and tho Barrack- Master
hears nothing Of the brass cock. At Inst he pens
an cpistle to the CommandRnt, bitterly complain
ing Of the way in Which all his attempts to pro-
cure one Of these useful articles have been frus-
trated,
"Dammet" exclaimed the Commandant,
here's the confoundod brass cock again"
The Fort-Adjutant g1ggled, and at last even
the Commandant joined in the laugh.
"One can't help laughing, you know; but its
really deriish annoying that fellow the Barrack.
Master won't do his work properly. First OF all
he says he wants two brass cocks, then he SAYS
he doesn't want any, and now he says ne al
wayB wanted one Write him pretty stiff let
ter, and ask him what tho dovil ho does mean"
On this the Fort-Adjutant sharpencd his pen,
and then commenced q paper warfare which be-
fore tho mystery Was cleared up, erailcd fear
full amount Of ink-shed, iuamortali7ed the brass
cock throughout the garrison, and occupied much
OF the Fort-Adjutant's valuable time, which
might otherwise have been devoted to the con-
sumption of full-1avored cigars, and the dovel-
opment Of natural talent for the game OF bill
iards. At last tho tangled eken was uuraTeled,
and the Barrack- Master was Informed that If be
now sent his requisition in due form it would be
attended to.
In it came The clerks Uttered; the Fort-Ad-
iutant grinned as ho handed it to the u. A. Q.
H. G., who smiled a8 he submitted it to the Cen
ora1, who frowned, and remarked that great
deal OF the public time was being wasted in tho
matter, as be handed it back to the D. A.. Q. ii.
G., who returned it with ''approved" written on
it to the Commandant, and so on, through tho
different channels, until the Barrack-Master at |