Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-04-24
ns.EIHl NEWS ITEMS.

Ia-; week ;he nation wcpt over it, illus
ri,u~ dead. Now 1t Is hor~erali~h.
People who ica-tcd on buekwheat cakes
through the winter. but omitted letting their
finger nails sraw. are filed with the mast
gloomy lorehodins- oi the future.
\ boy of sixteen years of age left panbury
eight year ago with the loitie-t aspirations.
lie said he would make people open their
mouths. lie Is now a dentist in Wisconsin.
The man who inyeut- pew stool that 4
wor-hippcr can approach with his foot with
ont having it fly up and make noise in the
middle OF the sermon. will Supplant an A>tor
in wealth and a Washington in fame.
An enthusiastic youug man in atieniance
on tho outside ct the Methodist church. san
day evening with an umbrella. solicited the
pleasure of seeing Young lady, a new ac-
quaintancc. home. The alacrtv of her ac-
ccptance fairly intoxicated him with delight,
bat hc sobercd NJ some on learning that her
fathers house Is in the Bogs- district, about
two miles ont Of town and about mile and
n half further than 4 civil engineer would
care To 20 in the dark The Young man
reached home about midnight. having burst
out the sides OF pair of fine boots and
turned one ankle eleven times The next
day he shiprel his umbrella to his mother
in Minnesota.
Economical wives have various WAYS of
getting ahead in the world. One of them is
in the bnying of second hand furniture at
auction. Mrs. O'Clarence purchased a lounge,
Friday, for two dollars She wanted some
thing for Mr.. O'Clarence To- throw himself
down on after supper. Mr.. O'Clarence
threw himself down ON this lounge that
evening, and passed Immediately through it,
splitting his vest through the back. bursting
one knee to his pants, and nearly decapita-
ting one ear with the end of broken spring
1t required the greatest exertions of two
neighborS tn extricatc him lie hasn't
spoken 10 his wife since.
Never burn kindly written letters, the
mute uttcrances of those aiar yet dear. whose
faces you may never look upon again Re
member how many little notion in tin
ware they viii procure.
\ rather conceited young man shook
hands with Col Blanchard in the post Office.
on Sunday evening, and told the Colonel that
he had beenaway. ''Why, didn't know it,"
said the Colonel. who. as our readers re-
member Is a triie deaf, when did you 90 -
"Two weeks ago, said the pompous young
gentleman. 81 must he getting pretty deaf"
said the Colonel, ''fcr | didn't hear yon
leave
Mr.. Marrowiat rather snappishly remark
ed TO his wife, last Sunday. that man can't
be always thinking Of his immortal soul. lie
must have time to eat his meals.
\ resident Of Ward Ii in Boston, hcliey
ing that drinking liquor was pernieious Gus
tom. reSolutely set his face against the
saloons, and put a barrel Of ale in his cellar.
On the first evening of the purchase he re-
paired to the cellar to tap his ale. taking o
kerosene lamp with him. On reaching tie
barrel he thoughtfully sat the lamp on the
floor in the direct line with the spot he was
to tap. and taking the faucet in one hand he
drove in the bung, and meant to have ap-
piled the faucet AT once But the power at
the vent was so great that the faucet was
knocked from his hand. and the lamp being
in direct range was upset and put out in a
flash. \ less sanguine party would have
straightway plunged up stairs for another
lamp, but he d find that faucet in the dark
if it took him seyenty-iive years to do it, lie
dropped on his knees, and described various
circles with his hand. while the foaming and
spnttering ale whistled unnterruptedly.
He moved around swiiter and swifter, losing
the calmness born of his determination, at
every unsuccessful return of the encircling