The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1874-08-13
For the Milan EIchanre.
TIE PROFESSOR ABROAD.

TIE PROFESSOR ABROAD.
The Professor concluded to 90 to
the springs. He was not an invalid,
but had an inquisitive mind and
thought that watering place would
afford a good opportunity to take items.
On his way he passed through a
little city. and stopped to give it a
call. After interviewing a book
agent and newspaper man and wan
dering about the streets for some
time, gazing alike into the windows
of stores and at passers-by. he proposed
TO himself a ride on the street car.
Satisfied with his ride, he thought how
nice it would be to jump off while the
car was running. Unfortunately,
just as he made the leap the driver
struck the horses and the dignifed
Professor came to the ground on all
fours. When he arose - horror of
herrors!-he saw a great rent in the
knee of his pantaloons-these, too, his
only, and he on his way to the springs
with just money enough to pay his
expenses. 1t is a part of the Profes-
sor's principles always to carry out
what he undertakes; so he would not
be outdone. He would go on to the
springs. The ladies would no doubt
be SO charmed with the brilliancy of
his intellect that they would notice
no deficiency in his toilet.
On his arrival he registered his
name with great ceremony and WIS
referred to No. 9. He then sought a
private interview with the porter and
told him that he had a few dimes left
which were at his disposal if he would
find some one to sew up the "horrid
chasm." Closing the blinds, he dis
robed and sat him down to patient
waiting" The pants came, but what
a seam! 1t was little better than the
rent had been before, and constituted
now the thing of prominence in the
Professors personal appearance.
The Professor soon made his APP
pearance in the parlor and was intro
duced to the ladies, who received him
with most gracious smiles. Under
his ardent gaze their eyes would in
variably rest upon the torn trousers;
then the smile would continue, but
the Professor thought he could see a
change in the nature of that smile.
Our hero thought to get a seat in
some dark corner, and thus avoid I'M
pleasant inspection, but imagine his
distress when one of the ladies pro-
posed to walk out with him and show
him the famous springs. With .
martyrs resignation he acquiesced,
trying hard to Danish the forlorn cx-
preston from his face. How beauti-
fal the springs! How interesting the
crowd gathered around them! There
were sulphur, and freestone, and lime
stone and chalybeate waters, panacee
of human ills, gathered in crystal
pools; there was the grand cd noun
tain overhanging the silver lake; the
neat, white cottages, and oh! so many
pairs of bright, mischievous eyes, all
looking at the Professor But all
these things (alasl for human weak
ncss) had no charms for him. One
absorbing idea filed his mind-tbat
a,guI seam. Atsuppcr, in the parlor,
iii the ballroom (the Professor don't
dance, all through that long evening
it haunted him, real Banquo's ghost,
occupying the seat where other
thoughts were wont to sit.
But Eliser;es and joys alike have
their end. The Professor retired to
his room and sat down to mediate.
&C. c."
P. ST would advise no one whose
weight is less than one hundred and
seventy-tive pounds to question the
Professor in regard to his visit to the
springs. | got these facts from his
private memorandum. &C. C."
Aurust 1874