The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-04-11
VARIETY.

I.
A ToUcmSG PRooF.-A boy pulling mules
tail Is a touching proof Of confidence.
SISCE-An Indiana woman says that no one
would believe how smart and industrious her
husband had become since she got to keeping
three-tined pitchfork behind :he door.
WHICH PIT i a well known fact that Indians
never kill animal for mere sport; but many
"Pale faces enjoy the shooting Of game just
for the fun Of the thing. Which il the higher
civilization?
SoLD.-Darwin acknowledged himself sold
when his little niece asked him, seriously, what
4 cat has that other animal has, and ne gave
it up, after mature deliberaton, and then the sly
little puss answered " kittens
\ Chinaman engaged in mining on Bun
combe,'' or Little AppIegate, jackson county,
was recently cayed on and killed. The SsnfiHei
remarks: - More bone-freight for China and
another queue for ladies' switches -
a CURRENT JOKE ~ PARIs.-A Paris CORE
sPondent says it is current joke there that no
titled person may be too old, ugly, or impOver-
ished, but that he may hope to pick up an Am
erican girl who will give heaps Of dollars 20 be-
come Madame Ia Duchesse or Madame Ia Bar
Onne.
A Coon ExCUsE.-They tell this story of
Scotch judge who, when of his colleagues
failed To take his seat the bench, leaving
he had lost his wife, exclaimed: - Has he?
That is good excuse indeed. | wish we all had
the same. ="
DEATH.-ss One may live rs Il eonqueror or a
king. or n maai-traie-' . SAYS Daniel Wehstsr,
- but he must die 4 The bed Of death
brings every human being to his pure individual
iy, to the intense contemplation Of chat deepest
and most solemn of all relations, the relation be-
tween the creature and his Creator.
A LEARNED JupGE.-The BourbonyilIe, Ky,
Mountain Echo says that the following is a true
copy OF n letter received by Judge Randall, of
the Knox County Court, few days ago from the
county Judge OF -- County: - Mr.. enable
p II RandIe sir am sick in Bed wish my Case
Contnude I am the name Evidence to Explane
the hole Truth hope all will Berite this the 23d
1873"
WOULD TAKE THE HoUsE.-Citzen-'' Well,
you see how it Is yourself, Mr.. Plumber. The
girl left the laundry-room window open. ther
mometer touched zero, water-pipe frOze, then
hurst and as no one knew how to shut off the
pIaguey thing, the water ran half the night"
Plumber Yes, 1 see very bad break; wants
new plumbing throughout; wonder it didn't
happen long ago" Citizen" How much is it
going 20 cost 10 plumb up in good shape, includ-
ing tenders2'' Plumber Well, | don't know,
but I think I Will take the house in part pay
ment."
The scientists would say Chang and Eng IS
dead. Tor the puyblOltElst THESE
diyidunls were known only compound mon
-ter, of the species 4I1OafaiTeS. Eng died and
Chang followed suIt-the only thing he could
consistently do under the circumstances. They
were born in lSlI, and were united to each other
by the 1iphOid region Of the steTnum. Appleton
saws rather obviously. - They realize the idea
nf psriect friendship. the two being one and each
ono two (which would make five, we suppose, in
thought and act, and the inevitable cOntdants of
each other Appleton was evidently little
IL. sEs FEv,
had been disposed to do the right thing by the
other four be would have stopped drinking long
ago. As IL ~, the poor creatures have passed
away and there remains only the perplexing con-
undrum Suppose Chang had gone to Congress,
how many og them would have drawn back-pay?
Our friend Bills, having inherited a fraction Of
his fathers inventive genius, concluded TO use "A
PARTICLE Of il IN the construction of machine,
which he named :. The Improved Buckwheat
Cake Constructor and Mollsses Destroyer" (N.
Boil painting given To every purchaser) The
machinery consisted OF 4 fOuTteen-gallJn reser-
yOir which rested on the stove and contained the
diluted buckwheat. This was connected with
the gridirOn by means Of a tube, through which
the preparation flowed and spread itself on by
the manipulation of a wire and pulley The
coming cake, ut regular intervals, would be sud
denly thrown in the air, turn 4 dip and come
down on 'tOther side tJ be Drowned. This ar
rangemeut was connected with the dining table
by n light wooden trough. double back and
forward action would send the cake Waiting
through It. appearing at the table end nicely but
tered and irescOed with syrup. prepared for mas
tication. The whole apparatus was worked by
crank Bills, his better 'arf, and Bills, Jr-, took
their positions at the festal board, hungry and
eager for the fray Sal, the belle OF the kitchen,
stationed herself, morning paper IN her right
Digit and her left on the crank. - Now were
of, sh. screamed. Whz, phuz, siz caplump,
the cakes went spinning through the trough and
skipped around the table. Ills, Jr., was just
mutilatIng his nineteenth, and his mother was
pressing him hard On her seventeenth and hall,
when Sal, becoming excited, having seen the
marriage OF her beau In the paper 10 that hateful
thing in the next block, reversed the crank, and
the band commenced 60 play. All was blank
10 Bill alter that. lie was Just squaring OF at,
and about % tackle his twcnty-fTst =. wheel,
when an extra-sized one struck him among his
ewes and nose and he k.dumiXed- Bills, Jr.,
was -calped and fJOred b. a terrific mass Of
melted butter. mOlasses, and hali-dOne cakes
Mrs Bills, after trying TO dodge shower OF
bur<wheat Juice made lunge for Sal, but she
-yadng her infuriased gasp, the unfortunate
Nrz Bills went pIungIng head first into the res
ervoir, and would most likely have suhOcated but
for the timely arrival 20 his senses of Bills, who
rescued her at a lUss of her Sunday switch and
new set Of - bange. niSa was invited to stay
at some other r., sbe iae n domestic, and Bills,
-Ir., wants To- kr soon be can st"n wear