, 1874-11-29

"don't begin to realize how thts heart OF mine
| Wrenched. wish you'd catch him, sir. wis
you'd bring him back here and stand him owe
there, and leave ME over here aud lock the door
for about two minutcsi"
"De calm, madam," remarked the Sergeant
| 'Carml How can be carm2 When thin
Of John Henry md Sarah and dear gazelle m
shining angel and MONDAY STAR, can bid NJ
She left her husbands description and wen
away, aud ths police will catch linn If they can.
r1iSccilnucous Feminine ltcma.
An arnless Milwaukee woman boxes her bus
| bands ears With her feet.
-Wo are told nothing WAS made in vain: bu
how about pretty gl1l' 1sn't sue maiden vain
The Misses Smith, OF Glastonbury, Conn.
havo determined to eat no Thanksgiving tu1ke,
until thev can vote.
4 Western paper chronicles marriage il
| this suggestive style: ''Ihe couple Resolved
themselves into committee Of two, with powel
| to add their number"
An old Indy, hearing somebody say the mails
wero irregular. said: 1T was just go in N,
| young days-no trusting any Of EN-"
| An Omaha girl broke her back the othex daJ
| while making her bed. An awful warning.
| The San Francisco Hoodlum sayB, ''Oh,
chaw me- hair when be meets q glrl with il
/ frizzed.
Joaquin Miller has written about IA storm
| in Venice" b1rs. Miller is probably there.
"A woman in St. Ctoix used her husbands
money to h1re i've lawyers and get divorce.
| -Ihe Shah frigltens his wives into submits
sion bv nearing European = hat pulled
| down threateningIy over his rgls eye.
"A Maryland wife had her husband fned 60
for kissing her, and he had to pay or 30 to jail.
The Onaha Zee has - got " US. It says that
the female population Of that ;own are not Oma-
hens OF Omahoases, but Omahussles. We may
| nuw expect them to Omahustis that editor out
Of bis boots.-St. Louis Giobe.
- It's easier for needie to 60 through the eye
Of 8 camel than tor O woman to say Its Of 10
consequence" wien you kick hole in hst new
silk dress.
The tyrant man has treated contemptuously
the woman suffrage proposition in Michigan, md
Susan swears that il any voter ever let's her
Sit in his lap again she'll pinch him, SO help her
gracious
"A Vermont lady tainted away at 4 party,
md. when young MAJ ciied out for some Que
to saw her co1set-strincs in two, she arose. drew
pan OF ahears, and sad she'd like to see 'em
62H.
A. T. Stewart haent finished his Home for
Women yet. and he probably will not. He found
that women would not enter It under his rules,
one of which 10 that they should have no beaus.
and should be in at o'clock every evening.
"A bashful young man morta]ly offended the
bride Of lis most tntimate friend by asamnerlng
when taken aback by request for q toast At the
wedding. supper: Tom, my f-tr-friend. may
you have wedding once year as long aa you
lye!"
"A correspondent writes from Swiss town:
II was much amused, on looking over visitors
book, at the inn. to hnd that, uitder tie heading
occupation, TWO German gills bad wr1tten,
Hooking for & husband"
An Indianapolis girl invited her traducer to
walk with her, and wien they arrived At lonely
spot bhe drew raZor and demanded II re.rac-
ton. The guilty wretch saved himself by instant
fight.
On breach Of promise trial in New Hamp-
shire the lover was shown to have written let
tor containing dfty-seren pages Of note paper to
his dalcnea; and the jury acquitted him on tho
ground that he Was either insane or idlotlc.
"A girl in Georgia brought a suit against
recent lover, claiming $4,000 damages, bus she
for four bales OF cottou and new
pn1asol. Her lawyer took tie cotton for his
fee, and she kept the parasol to heal her wound
ed affections.
.-''W What would you be. dearest, it should |
press the stamp OF love upon thoae seallng-wax |
lips ?" ~" responded the faiEy-nke creature,
- should be-Htationery
A woman at Oneida, N. T., stopped on rat !
with her bare foot, and wns SO frightened that
she went into snasms, aud afterward confessed |
to her husband that she waa about to elopa with ]
one Bill Stevens.
-'.NAy, you see" she began !"rou take &
chestnut and cut round the hull with q sharp
kuifc and you take o1e-halT the chestnut in your
mouth, and Jour fellow takes the othar half in
ais mouth, aud pull, and the hull comes right
or!"
An elderly lady purchased one OF tho. Egyo-
ian mumn,les at the Niagara Falls Museum, tie
other day, for parlor ornament. She said it |
would seem better to have 4 man around, evan il |
40 was advanced in life and withered.
They do funny things on the River Seine. as
he following from French newspaper shows
= A. young man OF agreeable presence, and de-
rouB Of getting married, would like to make
he acquaintance Of nm aged and experienced
gentleman who could dissuaue him from taking
he fatal step.
When Milwaukee, man read that an Ottawa
roman committed Buieide because her husband |
efused to kiss her, he put on q muzzle. The |
i'd lady hasn't committed suicide yet but lo ga1 !
ter the other night kissing ueighbor over the |
'ack fence.
nan 70 youngster OF years Of age, when sit- |
ing in paslor where large company we're as
bink do" "Wlo am !, thcn,-lct me lear ?"
You are the man who Kissed e,ster jane Inst
light in the parlor." Jane tainted.
Among the dozen women who WAS crowded
ito the office Of the Detroit Dn ector OF the
nd IN anxious look. "Well. what do you mans2"
sked the Director when no came to her case,
Id like some money" Bhs whispered. "uo1 !
tuch ?" "Wetl, can't say, exactly, she replied: |
hoH much do you generally give out to them | /
hon they want to buy bead belt?" She dldu's 6
ct any relief. !;
"a lady and her 8-year old daughter vera
nons the passengers on q Woodward ayeuue =
It yesterday, and presently the little m,es OBJ q
,rved = man take ont hls handkerchief. flourish ! g
around, and then wtpe his nose. The child | :
aned over TO her mo:her aud whispered: n
Mamma, that gentleman is trying tn tlirt with ! h
q, but ahall give him tha handkerchief signal 4
'at dlst1ass h.a iyes!"-Dstron Free =
ress- '