The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-04-08

one large caDDaSe lcal atttcLeu u
a waist-band of potato vines. Ir
this airy costume I was conducted
to the door, where my companion
gave three distinct raps. Il was Sc
|eurely blind-folded by binding {
Slice Of ruta-baga over each eye.
Ia sepuIchraI voice from within
asked: who comes?'
My guide answered: "A youth
full agriculiurist who desires to be
|comesa granger
Sepulehral Voice - Have you
looked him carefully over?
Guide-I have, noble gate-keep
er.
S. V.-Do you find any agricul
tural marks about his person?
Guide-I do.
S. V.-What are they?
Guide-The candidate has car
roty hair, reddish whiskers and
turn-up nose.
S. Wits well. Why do you
desire to become a granger?
Guide answering for candidate
I may be thereby the bet
ter enabled to harrow up the feel.
ings of the rascally politicians.
S. V.--You will bring in the
candidate. My worthy STRIPPING, as
you cannot see, I will cause you to
feel that You arc received at the
door on the three points of pitch
fork, piercing the region of the
stomach, which is to teach you the
three great faith, hope and
charity. Faith in yourself, hope
for cheaper farm machinery, and
charity tor the lightning-rod ped
dler. You will now be harnessed,
and in representation of the Pega-
sus, will be tested as to endurance
and wind.
The candidate is here attached to
a small imitation plow by means of
a hempen harness. A dried pump
kin vine is put in his mouth for a
bit and bride; he is made to get
down upon all-fours, the guide
seizcs the bride, and urged on by a
granger armed with a Canada this
tie, the candidate is galloped three
times around the room. While
the circuit, the members
arise and sing:
Get up auG dust, you bully boy
WHO wouldn't lie a granger?
If the thistle's prick don't cause you JOY,
To feeling must be estranged, eh!
After this violent exercise, he is
rubbed dry with corn-cobs, bees.
waxed where thistled, and brought
standing up before the great chief
the Most NVorshipful Pumpkin
Head.
NJ. W. P. H.-Why do you de-
sire to be a granger?
Candidate answering for him.
self)-That I may learn to extiu-
guish sewing-machine agents.
NJ. w. 2. II. - Have you any
other reason for desiring to bccone
q granger?
Candidate-J have.
NJ. w. p. H.-Please state thena,
Candidate-That 1 may be pro-
tectcd from life insurance agents.
NJ. w. r. u.-Your reasons are
we'll founded. We will admit you,
and you will how deposit your ini-
tiation fee in this box. aPresents
a small box)
The candidate is non plnssed; he
has no money about hlm. lie is
now asked to give his reasons for
not making the deposit as request
ed. The candidate replies:- -
I am poor iudeed 1 have no
no education, and no good
clothes.
NJ. w. p. H.-Why arc you in
his poor condition.
Candidatc-My father invested
al his money in a life insurance
policy for many years. Finally,
when his health failed, lie could not
pay the premium, and he forfeited
lis policy and lost all. lie did not
educate his children because it took
all his money to pay the insurance.
NJ. ". Z. H.-Ah. that is sad in
Iced. Ny own case is very similar.
Ny father paid a heavy premium
or nineteen years, at the cNpira-
ion Of which time the company be-
:ame bankrupt, aud all our savings
we're lost. =. =.
NJ. w. P. H.-Havc your hands
,een hardened with toll? =.
Candidate-Not extensively, but
hen I am not running for office.
NJ. w. ?. H.-'Tis we'll, for our
odges contain severa! who are sup
,osed to be ready to sacrifice them
elves for the good OF their consti-
uents.
NJ. W. P. II. (savagely) - Give
ne q chaw of tobacco!
Candidate, searching himself
thoroughly, but as there is no place
bout him to stick a pocket, tries
D explain, but the Most Worship
III Pumpkin Head interrupts him
nth,
Never mind, my dear young
lend. I am we'll aware that. in
nur nrncnut condition ynu can mol