Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-03-13
6mmaroms skstebss.

was told that had been balloted for anc
accepted. Ny informant, who was secure
ly masked by what | afterward learned was
a large burdock leaf perforated with holes
for the eyes, told me that If valued my
life it would be necessary for me to strip.
As | did consider that of considerable
worth to me, and as he italicised his wishes
by carelessy playing with seyenshooter,
withdrew from my garments with eager
ness. My masked friend then furnished
me with the regalia of the first degree
called The Festive Plowboy'-which con-
sisted merely of one large cabbage leat at
tached to a waist-hand of potato vines. In
this airy costume was conducted TO the
door, where my companion gave three dis
tinct raps. Iwas securely blindfoided by
binding a slice Of rutabaga over each eye.l
sepulchral voice from within asked I:
who come 2
Nv guide answered: 'Ayouthful argcul-
turist who desires 10 become granger
Sepulchral Voice-'IIave you looked him
carefully over P
Guide have, noble gate-keeper.'
S. V.-'Do YOU find any agricultural
marks about his person =
Guide-'I do
s. V.-'Wbat are they Z:
Guide-.The candidate has carroty hair,
reddish whiskers and turnup nose.'
S. Wis well. Why do you desire
to become a granger:
Answering for candicate)-'Ihat
l may be thereby better enabled to harrow
up the feelings of the rascally politicians
:. V.-'You will bring in the candidate.
Ny worthy stripping, as you canuot see, L
will cause you to feel that you are received
at the door on the three points Of the pitch
fork, piercing the region Of the stomach
which is TO teach you the three great vir-
tues-faith, hope ard charity. Faith III
yourself, hope for cheaper farm machinery,
aud charity for the lightuing-rod pedd!er.
You will now be harnessed, and in repre-
sentation of the horse, Pegasus, VIII be
tested as to endurance and wind
The candidate is here attached to a small
imitation plow, by means Of hempen har-
ness. a dried pumpkin-vine is put in his
mouth for bit and bridle-he is made to
get down upon all fours, the guide seize the
bride, and urged on by a granger armed
with q Canada thistle, which be vigorously
applies at the terminus of the spine, the
candidate is gallopcd three times around
the room. While making the circuit the
tie members arise and sing:
Get up and dust, you bully boy
Who wouldn't be granger!
If the thistle's prick don't cause you JOY,
To feeling you are estTangcd, an!
After this violent exercise he is rubbed
dry with corn-cobs, beeswaXed where this
tied, and brought standing up before the
great chief-the most worshlptul pumpkin
head.
NJ. W. P.H.-'Why do you desire to
be granger 2 go
Candidate-(answering for himself)-
That may learn TO extinguish sewing
machine agents.
NJ. W. 7. H.-'Havc your hands been
hardened with toll 2
Candidate-'Not extensively, but then |
am not running for Office
NJ. w. p. Hits well, for our lodges
contain several who are supposed TO be
ready to sacrifice themselves for their con-
stituents. Do you feel pretty smart this
EVENING",
Candidate-'Ycs, where the hustle goes
on
NJ. W.P. H.-(savagely)-'Give me a
chaw of tobacker =
Candidate searches himself thoroughly,
but as there is no place about him to stick
a pocket, tries to explain, but the most
worshipful pumpkin head interrupts him
with:
Never mind, my dear young friend, L
am well aware that in your present condl-
ton YOU can no more furnish your friends
with the weed than Adam could be COM
Portable in a plug hat aud tight boots. 1t
is merely to teach you the great lesson OF
accommodating 10 others as you'd ike TO
have them do to you. You will now be
conducted to the most eminent squash-pro-
ducer, who will teach you the grand hailing
sign Of distress. The sign, my worthy
brother, will insure you against many OF
the ills of The riculturist--amongstO others
against droughts ard being bit 10y the fero-
ciOus grasshopper.'
The candidate is now conducted to the
most eminent squash producer, who thus
SAYS: My worthy brother, / will now in
vest you with the order of the Festive
Plowboy, which you have well won by your
heroic achievement while harnessed-may
you ever wear it with pleasure 10 yourself
and may it be means of terror to your
enemies
The NJ. Z. 5. i. then proceeds TO invest
the candidate with the regalia of the Fes-
tive PlowbOy, which consists Of long to-
mato necklace.) The grand haiing sign
of distress is made by gently closing the
left eye, laying the right foretnger alongside
the nose, and violently wagging the ears.
II requires practice, but the advantages are
intense. 1t also has al important signitica-
tion, which you will do well TO heed. The
closing of the eye signifies that in all your
dealings with mankind, you are bound to
have an eye TO business. Laying the finger
alongside the nose is emblematical Of wis
dom, and places you at once among the
knowing ones. This is extremely handy
in prognosticating Of new weather, and
saves the wear and tear of almanacs.
Wagsing the ears signifies sublimity OF pur-
pose. and is thought to be emblematical Of
cbildhoud's happy hours. II is also sup
posed by some profound scholars to have a
distinct reference to apple dumplings, but
this fact is somewhat obscured by the dust
Of ages. In taken that you are one OF us
you viii now be branded
This ceremony is unc0mmonly impressive
and consists of two brands. They are
both applied while the iron is hot and
consist Of one letter of the alphabt each.
The first is large letter ) on which you
will please sit while the ether letter is ap-
piled to the stomach. The letter ), nv
worthy chicken, signifies scooped and re-
fers 20 railroad monopoies. 1t is also sup
posed 10 indicate the seat OF learning-the
spot where the old time teacher hunted fUI
brains with the ferrule. The second letter
is G, and is applied, as / said before, to the
stomach. 1t has double meaning. First
The application is an agricultural one,
corn crib and has reference to the sto-
mach as being the great receptacle for
Bourbon whiskey. But, brother, do not be
diiigent in finding a home market for your
corn. The second application of the letter
&. my distracted infant, is got hold of as
follows w hen granger desires TO asccr-
tain for sure if there is another of the or
der in the room, he raises himself gently by
the slack of lis-Of his unmeDtiODa bles-