Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1874-10-07

, Facts and Fancies.
; HONE rule Birch
InE latest thing in hats-lIcads.
\ eusniNGl AIiss--The Mississippi.
SNAruRAL VI Humors Of the blood.
: Nii'Wlat, trade are bees2 Comb makers.
"LrrriNG off sleep is boys definition
of snoring.
"TuE cause of woman suffrage Scarcity
of husbands t.a
TO cure the toothache- Stand on dent
lists doorstep.
Why is a mosquito like charity Because
il begins to hum.
Tux man who carries everything before
him--rhe waiter.
WHEN does man sneeze three times2
When he can't help IT,
Mn. STOCKING has been and married
Anna Frost lose-Annai
No professional man lives so much from
hand to mouth as a dentist
Why do we speak Of the silence Of sleep,
when most of lis sleep sound2
Why is there never whole day? Because
it always begins by breaking.
\ DANDY ON the shore is disgusting, but
a swell Of the sea is sickeuing.
WHEN Autumn is married TO winter, the
wedding cake is always frosted.
\ TEXAS man knows himself we'll lie
sat down ON hot branding-iron.
FARMERS gather what they sow, while
seamstresses sew what they gather.
Why is a beefsteak like locomotive? It's
not Of much account without it's tender.
News of the weak " is the headline
given 10y city editor to a hospital report.
DoN'r tell an editor how to run news-
paper Let the poor fool find it out himself.
WHY should a spider be good correspon-
dentf Because he drops line by every post.
JOKES claims to be granger because he
raises corns and is the owner of many achers.
JOSH BILLINGS saws, "Tew enjoy a good
reputasliun, give publicly and steal pri-
vately."
THf man who talks too much is now sim
/ ply handed card, on which is neatly printed,
Life is short
Why is washerwoman the most cruel
/ person in the world ? Because She daily
Wrings mems bosoms.
/ A YouNG lady has been found who, in
I stead of having a pupil in her eye has a
handsome young schoolmaster.
a CELEBRATED wit was asked If he knew
! Theodore Hook. Yes" he replied, 4" Hook
and eye are old acquaintance"
DoN PART says, shrewdly DlIumor is to
newspaper what a tail is to a kite--very
absurd, but very necessary to its ascensions.'
"MAssA CHWsroPHER CoLUMBUs was a
queer man. said a negro orator; "a notion
crossed HIM one day, and tn he crossed an
ocean"
MRs, JENKINS complained IN the evening
that the turkey she had eaten didn't sit we'll.
" Probably said Jenkins, sit was not a
hen turkey"
Two young ladies holding converse over a
new dress" And does it tit welll" asked
one. Fit yes; as if had been melted
and poured in"
Has any one wrouged you2 Be bravely
revenged; slight it, and the work is begun
forgive 1t, It's finished, lie is below himself
who Is not above an injury.
Mn. JAMES NFw, of Norwich. Connecticut,
named his first born Something; it was
Something New. The next he called Moth.
ing it being Nothing New.
"HD HATE TO be in your Shoes" said a
woman, yesterday, as she was quarreling with
a neighbor. You couldn't get in theln
sarcastically remarked the-neighbor.
AN Illinois editor returns thanks for a
centipede sent to him by mail from Texas
1T being" he SAYS, " the first cent of any
kind that we've received for several weeks
WOMEN is a deulson. madam" ex
claimed cnisty old bachelor to a witty
young lady. And man is always huggina
some delusion or other, was thequiek retort
Pat" said joker, "why don't you gel
your ears cropped? They ore much too long
, for man And yours.' replied Pat
Ought to be heightened they are too short
for am ass
SMlTHE was telling some friends about
wonderful parrot " Why" said he, "that
: parrot cries stop thief so naturally thai
every time ! hear it always stop. Now
! hang it, what are you all laughing about?'
ONE evening at Paris cate, group Of
oilers were discussing politics and people
, who change their opinions. "Well," said
. one I've never cried " Long live anybody -
Quite so" remarked another; "but then
p, you're a doctor"
| RESPECT old age. If you have maiden
g aunt forty years old, and She is passing her
g self off Tor a girl of twenty-three, there is nc
A need for you 10 expose her. The more YOU
e respect her age and keep quiet about it, The
f more she will respect you.
r THr postmaster generals dignity must
! have suffered, the other day, when he re
r ceved a letter from Delta, Iowa saving, " II
J you don't git some one TO run this ERE poast
! otius purity soon, itll he throwd in the river
for am going off on bear hunt and cant
t fool any moar"
A LADY sitting in her parlor, and engaged
: m the dreamy contamination of the mons
[ ~, - a. -. - r. - - !. =
tdNle VI Nnt Beutitlldn WHO was 10 escof
= her and her qiater 10 a n,uaical festival nm.
D.. va
a; - !, ' "'''fo
III juvenile voice dl tle uOor, -" lou We 90
, AIMS teeth and She wants 'en
~ 'N''i "''' '''N "'i'S' 70"
. 4 POET yln wrota Hominr MOAN, a,
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