Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-04-10
HUAOR

AN EDITOR WHO IS DEAF.-We thought
everybody in the State knew that we were
deaf, but once in while We find one who
is not aware of the fact. a female book
peddler came to the office the other day.
She wished to dispose of a book. She was
alone in this world, and had no one to
whom she could turn for sympathy or as
sistance; hence we should buy her book
She was unmarried, and had no manly
heart into which she could pour her suffer-
ings, therefore we ought to invest in her
book. She had received a liberal educa-
tion, and could talk French like native
we could not, in consequence, pay her less
than So for book. We had listened attel-
lively, and here broke in with: sWhat did
you say? We're deaf.'' She started in
loud voice, and went through her rigma-
role. When she had finished, we went and
got a roll of paper and made it into spe ak
ing-trumpet, placed one end to our ear
and told her to proceed. She commenced:
~ am alone in the WORLD sit
doesn't make the slightest difference to us.
We are a husband and father. Bigamy is
.iot allowed in this State. We are not elig-
ihle to proposals. sob, what fool the
man is, she said in a low tone; then at the
top Of her voice, 81 don't want to marry
you, / want to sell-a-b-o-o-k.' This last
sentence was howled, 1--WE don't want
cook" we remarked blandly 'our wife
does the cooking, and she wouldn't allow
as good looking a woman as you to stay in
the house five minutes. She is very jeal-
ous." She looked at us in despair. Gath
erlng her robes about her, giving us
glance of contempt, she exclaimed II do
believe that if a 800 FOUNDER Were let off
alongside that deaf FOOLS head, he'd think
somebody was knocking at the door, -
You should have heard her slam the door
when she went out. We heard that
Santa Clara California; Echo.
BOUND TO GET A SUBSCRIBER ANY
WAY.-IIe was once out on jaunt in the
township of White Oak, Ing!lam county,
Illinois, sticking to every farmer until he
got his name and money, and it SO happen
ed that he came to a house where death
had called a few hours before. The farm
er's wife was laid out, and the husband
man and his children were grieving over
her loss when the editor knocked at the
door. ft..af 10 e3ftf.r
whats up?'' inquired the editor, as
he saw the farmers solemn countenance
before him.
my wife is dead, y replied the farmer.
SIS that 50 ~ unused the editor, little
disappointed. 'sDid she die easy Y''
Dropped off like a lamb
''Did she say anythingY'' e
Mot a&word-just went right to sleep
like
81 didn't know.' continued the editor.
a sad look on his face, ssbut what she
might have requested you to subscribe for
the Cascade which, you know, is the
best paper in the country. IF you want it,
LII take your name right in, and under the
circumstances I won't charge cent for
the obituary notice !"
The farmer hung off for a while, but be-
fore the editor went away he had Two ad-
ditional dollars in his pocket, and had
written out an obituary notice for publica-
lion in the next Issue, which the bereaved
husband pronounced ''a might smart
piece."a agsdt - s.
A husband got angry with his wife and
locked herup. At dinner time, to mortify
her, he sent her bone by his son. The
little fellow knocked at the door, saying,
"Mother, father says here's a bone for yon
to pick.'' "Tell him he's not your father,
and there's a bone for him to pick"
A citizen of Delta, Iowa, writes to the
Postmaster-Ge General: "If you doant git
some one to run Lbs ERE poast ou s purity
going off on bear hunt, and can't fool
any moar.''-Dstroit Press.