The Placer herald., 1874-01-31
THE MIDNIGHT CAT.

Yes, sir, know lots of men who will
start up in bed and shiver and shake, and
curse and swear if q tom-cat, prowling
along the garden fence, but opens his jaw
and utters one single yell. On the contrary,
the midnight cat never disturbs me. In
fact, like to lay and listen to the music Of
dozen cats holding mass convention on the
garden fence.
AS the first breaks out heave sigh and
wonder if the world wouldn't be as well off
without the cats, but 1 don't get mad. Some
men tear around and declare that thay'u
never sleep again until they kill every cat
within circle of four hundred and fifty
miles; and nothing will soothe them.
After the third yell wonder If it would
not be just as we'll if some bad boy should
buy an ounce of arsenic, pound of meat
and distribute the two around in back yards,
but don't 20 further. Some men jump
out of bed and YELL "Where in thunder is
that boot jack-where' club ?" And
they rush to the door and sling clubs and
holler "s'cat!' and wake everybody on the
block.
After the fifth yell, wonder if I hadn't
better raise the window and ask the cats to
adjourn around the block, on account Of my
wife's nervousness, but don't get mad.
Some men allow their hair to come right up,
fall over chairs, stub their toes against the
stove, and exclaim: "Helen Blazes, but
,cont sicken those felines"
BY and by the cats cease bowling, and
my eye-lids begin to ache. l am rapidly
losing consciousness when the old Maltese
rises to question Of order, and the oppos-
ton commences to yell him down. lie
yells back, and ! get up to see what time it
is, and then wonder if it wouldn't be as well
for me to go out there and explain matters,
and entreat the convention to 90 down the
fence to the grape arbor. Mind, don't
run around after the shotgun, and wake up
my wife and ask her for powder and old
nails and broken glass, and bark my shin
on the stove hearth and call out: "lll kill a
million cats to pay for this!'
Maltese yields the floor, and the conven-
tion goes ahead in an orderly manner.
imagine that the business which called the
crowd together has been disposed of and
creep back into bed. My wife wakes up
and wants to know what got up for, and ]
tell her that was after the peppermint for
my neuralgia. Some men would lay and
jaw and fu.ne for an hour and finally get up
fight with their loving partner.
! just close my eyes to sleep when old
Maltese offers an amendment to some mo-
ton, and the opposition go for him again:
He yells back, spits at them in scorn, and
they fall upon him. He backs under my
window and stands at bay. creep out Of
bed and seize club, but drop it again as |
remember that am not mad. 1t would +,
perhaps, be we'll to step to the door, and
throw the boiler, and the woodbox, and the
cupboard, and the ak, and TIE woodpile,
and the whole summer kitchen, at the cats,
bat refrain, and merely tap on the window
and urge old Maltese to cover himself with
glory. Some men would grab up the table
or sofa, or the first thing handy and ejacu-
late: "I'm sinner if don't murder some
body Or something!'
Years of observation have convinced me
that the general antipathy to cats is entirely
,,nfoundad III Oy01