South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-07-03


you at the Presbyterian picnic, don't marry
pretty soon il will be miracle"
An Ohio paper gives a puff TO one Of its ad-
ver,isers, which closes thus Gle is a man of
principle, but deals only in dry goods, etc. He
will not sell himself in rider to sell a carpet"
An en,erprising superintendent Of one Of our
city Sunday schools was engaged in catechising
the scholars, varying the usual method by be-
ginning at the end Of the catechism. After ask
ing what were the prerequisites for the Holy
Communion and Confirmation, aud receiving We
ry satisfactory replies, he asked "And now,
boys, tell me what must precede baptism 2''--
Whereupon lively urchin shouted our, ga ba-
by, sir" Fact followed by cen sation and
laughter.
SToRY OF TON Naturalization Marshall at
one time INDUCED in such excuses that his
friends became alarmed, aud determined to make
an effort TO reclaim him. Mr. Mangum was de-
signsted to demonstrate with the wild Kentuck-
ian, and eudeavor to impress him with a proper
sense of the peril of his position.
I'm hear anything you have TO say, Mangum,'
said Marshall, as the senator opened the CONVEX
saton.
your friends have been greatly concerned at
the manner in which you have been conducting
YOURSELF
Don't wonder Mt it. Been badly bothered
myself. Sent you here to talk TO me, didn't
they 2"
Eyes; they thought as sometimes take n
glass myself, my advice would have the more
effect"
"You do drink TOO much Mangum. I've beer
thinking of speaking to you on The subject But
what do you want me to do 20
"Your friends have the greatest admiration
for your genius and talents They are confident
that with sobricty and application you might
reasonably aspire TO the highest place under the
government
'What do you think could get -
Il have no doubt you might be made chief
justice of the United States"
There's been one chief justice in my family
don't care to follow him"
"You might even hope to become president"
mo great credit to follow Captain Tyler But
tell you what I'll do, Mangum you make me
president OF the United States. and if don't
make you secretary of State II agree to be blank
ed Let's take a drink"
AN INNOCENT OLD LADY.-The other day, on a
Michigan Central train coming East was an old
lady who bad never Travelled great deal She
WASH used to the ways of book agents, the peanut
boys, and the prize package nuisauces who pass
through the train every few minutes When the
peanut boy came along and dropped big Afri.
can pear into her lap she sucked it, opened her
UfOuth q nd he =
ps"rding it with silent contempt or pitching it
out Of the window. The book agent came along
and dropped book in her lap. She said size
was much obeeged," aud she carefully locked
up in her vaise The prize package boy came
along and dropped sample, and she wondered
how the road could afford 20 give away so much
When he returned she had opened it and was
wearing the bresstpiu and eating the gum drops
The book agent came back and nted his book,
and before she would give it up she called the
conductor TO see if it was right. The card boy
wanted pay, and she appealed to the passengers
When she understood that he was right she han
ded over twenty-five cents with the remark, -
''Wel, eff han'ta fired turned round wish
I'd staid to hum l"-DeJoR Free Press.
A man out in Cairo, Illinois, dropped dead
the other day Immediately after drinking glass
of ginger ale. But it was because q man across
the street shot him.
-"Ah doctaw, does the choeraw nwfect the
higher awdaw ~ asked an exquisite of celebra-
ted physician in New Orleans mo, replied
the N. d., "but it's death on fools, and you'd
better leave the city Immediately" The fellow
sloped.
-Curran was struggling for an illustration of
his clients innocence at was rs clear as-(at
this moment the shonc into the COURT clear
ns yonder sunbeam that now bursts upon us vii
is splendid corruscatons." Broughdm, (wbom
The writer saw in a similar dilemma was voci-
ferating TO the jury that something was no more
like something else than-than- "the coat upon
your back" Had Brougham been ia Curran
place he would have ignored the sun beam.
The editor Of the Columbia, $. G. Mqii, with
grateful eloqueDce acknowledged tic receipt Of
milk punch in one column aud in the next
published "a Temperance Department" Some
body has complained Of his inconsistency. and
he explains that the editor Of the M,R has
nothing to do with what goes into the temper
ance column Of bis paper, nor have the gentle
meu who conduc; that department anything to
DO with what goes into the editor Of the Nail.
Haven't got better undershirt than this2
It's split clear down the back " is what Tip
ton man snarled at his wife Sunday morning 49,
And when the lady looked in and saw her indig-
oul haal md sfa dtF,rr .r,tt