The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1874-09-26
MY EDITORIAL CAREER ON THE
EWTUNVfLLE R0rARER"

mug i've newspaper wv -
vile. Tue village Of SkewiohViiio is
savage little place where cvhtenailahs dls
~ early NE, and whtro cUfhn'mshsrs &C.
cumulsle ioftuuus
i,,st week 4 was informed that limo
INV johnson. late editor # the SkswtUn-
vide Roaror, hal ,uIdrrly ddcoased, and
that the board of directors 1ad CHOSEN me
as his successor al salary VI $50, Srinks
and shirt c0liars per hnnum' 1 "ss rs
quustCd to come ~ once to H!iehd john
sons funeral and got up ms Obituary. Tor
the next number.
[ tied neckt!e around my throat, told
Polly l was going - open few gems OF
thought for paper, and started icr SKEW
tonville.
Three drunken ruffiians, smoking Jun
ison weed in cob pipe, mot me IN IN,
suburbs of the town, und informed me
that they were tho board VI directOts, ind
escorted mo ~ house where tue late Mr.,
johnson was lyiag in stats, in pine
coffin. with his boots on. They told mo
that was tho Skewt0uyillc style OF funeral
pomp. u melancholy locking follow s~'d
| the usual thiugs over toe corpse and rs
sured tho crowd that Johnson sptfiI had
| tnkon its flight. og which fac. l suppose
nobody had any doubt.
johnson looked % IL ho had been u
great sinner, aud / rIy'sed lie needed all
the prayers thcy gave him.
The funeral procession started. Inc
o.hsr folks walked, tGt out OF respect Tor
my high position 1 was mounted on
| dspraved muic We laid the late editor
% meath the dsisics" PracsicAlly spesking,
Tucn [ was escorted back to town, ana
into n dismal room Nth IA haliinch hole
punched through 80 wh,l, which pro-
sumo was hlowtonyihs window.
thUught | had Inadvertently violsted some
city ordinance and put in the calaboo'e,
but one OF the ruflns relieved me with
the Information that | was in the Office Of
the Sh6wton vile R'arer, live nowspa-
por, 5 per annum, payable in corn whis-
key. told him no WAS good jokist.
On the floor lay a copy of tho Rosrer,
and next 20 1. jug of whiskey. l could
not help thinking that they looked like
twin brothers.
Oae Of the directors, who said the maine
was Siuihostrcpi, raised thu bottle 10 his
llps Rad told me BIO Was The chief propti-
otor OF tue Ronrer II ho had sold myself
TO the devil to edit paper IN tho Internal
regions, l cou1n have felt meansr lie
passed the bottle to me, but told him ]
mad brother named after Meal Dow and
John Cough aud couldn't indulge.
Tho trio gOzed r.. mo rs II | was n Wild
animal, pulled my hair aud poked In my
ribs TO ascertain V had tangible existence,
and then they sAii thoy couldn't tolve
the mystery. | suppose they thought al
The angels we're Ia heaven.
The proprietor then handed me a slip
Of paper and said;
Make your will
Make what l said, with horrible
chill creeping over me.
Make your will, he repeated.
Why, said J, feeling my pulse IN
alarm, i aiu't dying, am l.
NO, he answered; but An editors lie
is uncertain, and it is we'll enough TO pro-
vido Tor accidents
Some conception of tbs danger OF my
situation dashed upon me, and com
msnoed TO bequeAth my worldly effects to
Polly. Then lie handed mo a Derrlnger
pistol and said:
Write Johnson's obituary
What am ~ do with the Dsrsinger ?
| demanded
Write the obituary With It., he replied.
Then ho explained TO me that the pen
was attached 10 the pistol, so that II any
one came in whilo the editor is penning
his Billings gate, gnd takes excep'ie-vi be
ID prepared TO meot him.
felt my courage ooZine away Wheh
the hOwilzer plan Of Journalism was
explained TO me.
Bat-I wrote Jounscb's OBJ tuary.
The proprietor paid j John ,un bad died
Of pistol shot-sRid he, Thats the way
editors wrap the draFery Ct ihoir couch
about them.
pronounced Johnson'a takening.of q
"dAnnable es.astiratlon,' and In the
course OF tke obituary slendered every
maiden, and remarked in general iorms,
that with q few exception every man FOR
miles around there was n hose-ihief aud a
felon.
The proprietor, after inlerlining little
profanity, said the obituary would do, and
told me 10 state ut the bottom that 81 was
personally responsible for il, and could be
found Oh the streets a. all hours OF tho
day"
why said l, won. have TO be in the
Office occasionally
'oh, yes, said he, that's jus. hgurstive
expression
Then | signed my name 10 the obituary
which contained enough SANDER to rub
JttL Ult 70 w bAkIuNl VI q NAfAFAhN
Then the proprietor babe me follow
him.
He led the way to the graveyard where
he had put johnson away. This, he oh
served, is the 'Editors' Cemetery, Read
them boards, SAID he.
| began--'Tim Sniggles, late editor
Roarer, bowie knife Tom Jones, editor
Roarcf, pistol shot, etc, etc. until l had
= al al I.A cd utplpYf
deaths, except orc. Only one died like
christian, and the proprietor Informed mo
that 'ho didn't have any editorial ability.
Now continued the proprietor, back
ing up against q tombstone, 1--WE run q
live newspaper here. We mako it hot and
lively
Yes l rtjoined, glAncIng around the
cemetery, lit may be live newspaper,
but notice it hsl several Coad editors.
'Pshaw = was his answer, what Is life |
compared to independt journalism
l hal TO give in.
How long, l inquired, does the aver
ago editor live hereY
Two or three weeks, was the dry re-
Ply.
| was thinking Of my gentle Polly who |
might never again behold me with the |
bloom OF health upon my check. Then
dropping one hugo tear to the memory Of
all them dead editors, ! walked back
gloomily, At the office 1 WAS handed a
dictionary, with the remark
We use this altogether. Webster don't
express our IDEAS.
The dictionary didn't have ono decent
word in it.
The Office was vol fortified. The
broom was half pitchiork and we poked
NE fire with Spanish stiiletto. AT MD