The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1874-07-22

IN liSui "bS'
subject of a lecture at Chelsea.
The tallest man is he who rises
latest, because he lays longest.
-Micawber sits in his garden,
waiting for something to turnip.
The man who was filled with
emotion hadn't room for his dinner.
What throat is best for singers
to reach high notes?-A soar throat.
The latest car coupling in lndl-
ana has been q marriage on rail-
way train.
The man ofsixty is exempt from
jury duty. Many wish to get OFT
like sixty.
When a young lady gives her
self away does she lose her self pos
session?
Why are Cashmere shawls like
deaf people? Because you can not
make them here.
French women do not make their
front hair look like q poodle dog
back.
What word is always pronoun-
ced wrong, even by the best schol-
ars? Wrong.
ga splendid ear but very poor
voice." as the organ-grinder said of
the donkey.
Pittsburgh has preacher who
thinks the theatre feeds on sin and
revels in iniquity.
-"All right old skillet-legs," said
, Kansas lawyer to q judge who fined
him for contempt.
The man who shoots a dozen
cats this month will stand high in
the esteem of his countrymen.
"A Brockford man is willing to
pay 20 cords of wood for a wife who
will accord with his idea.
kissing your sweetheart is like
eating soup with a fork-it takes a
long time to get enough.
"A policeman in New Yord has
robbed q prisoner of $1,000; but we
don't know that that's news.
In Dublin newspaper appeared
the following: "a number of deaths
are unavoidably postponed"
The picnic season approaches;
81 fortune awaits the druggist who
will get up o corner in cold cream.
Bob, how is your sweetheart
getting along?" "Pretty we'll, ]
guess she says l needn't call any
more"
"A Georgia girl is going to lecture
on "kisses," in Washington. She
will borrow a man to illustrate on.
"A Cincinnati physician was alb
surd enough to take some of his own
medicine. The coroner's fee was $40
"A man who attended the race
few evenings since, says it was as
expensive as buying candy in drug
store.
Young men are so scarce in
Memphis that one is considered
enough to take care of fourteen girls
ut picnic.
"A South Carolina county recent,
ly refused to elect q man named
Giles sheriff because he had stolen
hogs.
81 say, Pat, are you asleep"
mot sleep" "rhen be afther len
din me quarther." "rm asleep be
jabersm
"A recent critic upon Othello had
the following: "The Moor, seizing q
bolster full of rage and jealousy,
smothers her"
81 say, don't (hic1 put any bay
rum (hic) on my face, cause it'll
make (hic) my wife will think I've
been (hic) drinkin."
The drundard takes the pledge
and frequently breaks it; the pawn.
broker takes the pledge and general.
~ keeps it.
"A young man is on trial in Penn.
sylvania for stealing nitro-glycerine
He deserves good blowing up.
-Ignatz Waltzghemitten, of New
York, swallowed his artificial set Of
teeth while trying to pronounce his
name.
There is Brooklyn man who
wears mourning for his mother-in
law. He wears it on the lining O
his coat.
"A country boy, having heard o
sailors heaving up anchors, wanted
to know if it was sea-sickness tina
made them do it.
An Iowa editor recently notified
ALaI n an.fa,n ,,nt~nn 80 H. ,ro