Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1874-08-06
The Undertaker's Chat.

taker, pattlng the folded hands or de-
ceased approvingly, ''was a brick
every way you took him he was brick.
He was so real accommodating and sc
notes.-the and simple in his last mo-
ments. Friends wanted metallic burial
case-nothing else would do. Icouldn't
get it. There warn't going to be time
anybody could see that. Corpse said
never mind, shake him up some kind OF
box he could stretch out in comforta-
bic, he warn't particular bout the gen.
eral style of it. Said he went more on
room than style, any way, in last final
container. Friends wanted a silver
door-plate on the coffin, signifying who
he was and wher' he was from. Now
you know fellow couldn't roust out
such gaily thing as that in little
country town like this. What did corpse
say? Corpse said whitewash his old
canoe and dob his address and general
destination onto it with backing
brush and stencil plate, long with a
and pint him for the tomb, and mark
him G. o. D., and just let him flicker.
He warn't distressed any more than you
be-on the contrary, just as calm and
collected as hearse- horse; said he
judged that wher' he was going to, a
body would find it considerable better
to attract attention by picturesque
moral character than a natty burial
case with swell doo--plate on it. Splen-
did man he was. I'd druther do for a
corpse like that'n any I've tackled for
seven year. There's some satisfaction
in buryin' man like that. You feel
that what you're doin' is appreciated.
Lord bless you, SOS he got planted be-
fore he spilled, he was perfectly salts
fed; said his relations meant well, per-
fectly well, but all them preparations
was bound to delay the thing, more or
less, and he didn't wish to be kept lay
ing around. You never see such clear
head as what he had-so cam and so
COOL Just hunk of brains-that's
what he was. Perfectly awful. 1t was
a ripping distance from one end of that
mans head to t'other. Often and over
again he's had brain fever a-raging fever
in one place, and the rest of the pile
didn't know anything about it-didn't
affect it any more than an Injun insur-
rection In Arizona affects the Atlantic
States. Well, the relations they wanted
a lurid funeral, but corpse said he was
down on hummery-didn't want any
procession-fil thehearse full of mourn
ers, and get out stern line and tow
him behind. He Was the most down
ON style of any remains / ever struck.
A beautiful supplemented creature-it
was what he was, you can depend on
that. He was just set on having things
the way he wanted them, and he took a
solid comfort in laying his little plans.
He had me measure him and take a
whole raft of directions then he had
the minister stand up behind a long box
with table cloth over it, to represent
the coffin, and read his funeral sermon,
saying Angcore, angcore 7 at the good
places, and making him scratch out
every bit of brag about him, and all the
hifalutin and then he made them trot
out the choir SOS he could help them
pick out the tunes for the occasion, and
he got them to sing Pop Goes the
Weasel, because he'd always liked that
tune when he was down-hearted, and
solemn music made him sad and when
they sung that with tears in their eyes
because they all loved him), and his
relations grieving around, he just laid
there as happy as a bug, and trying to
beat time, and showing all over how
much he enjoyed it +; and presently he
got worked up and excited, and tried to
join in, for mind yon, he was pretty
proud of his abilities in the singing
line; but the first time he opened his
mouth and was just going to spread
himself, his breath took q walk. never
see q man snuffed out so sudden. All,
it was great loss-it was powerful
loss to this little one-horse town. Well,
well, well, Amt got time to be palaver-
ing along here-got to nail on the lid
and mosey along with him and if
you'll just give me lift we'll skeet him
into the hearse and meander along.
Relations bound to have it so-don't
pay no attention to dying iniunctions,
minute corpse's gone; but if l had
my way, if / didn't respect his last
wishes and tow him behind the hearse
I'll be cuss'd. / consider that what
ever a corpse wants done for his COM
fort is little enough matter, and man
amt no right to deceive him or take
advantage of him and whatever o
corpse trusts me to do I'm agoing to
do, you know, even if it's to stuff him
and paint him yaller and keep him for
a keepsafe-you hear me ~
He cracked his whip and went lum-
boring away with his ancient ruin of a
hearse, and | continued my walk with a
valuable lesson learned-that healthy
and wholesome cheerfulness is not
necessarily impossible to any ocupa-
ton. The lesson is likely to be lasting,
for it will take many months to oblit-
crate the memorG of the remarks and
circumstances that impressed them
From Mark Teams Unpublished En-
.giish Notes.
A SAN FRANCISCO woman, who had
stepped upon a treacherous pea-pod
which some one had thrown on the side
walk, is thus described "She kicked
with both feet as high as ballet star,
gave the peculiar, shrill, feminine
scream, sat down, said, ooh my,
amoOthad doun bar disordared attire