, 1874-09-20
iiuitIOR.

meal il not always rouad.
Talking OF oarsne.l: John Paul Says it is
great thing nowadays to be - gentleman aud
sculler."
The success OF Josh Billings is c1ccptiona.
There are thousands OF young meu who do not
know how to spell. and yet they are not worth
$3.50. .00U.
A darSey's Instructions for putting on q coat
we're, - First de right arm, den lie lelt, aud dc1
glrc one general conwutlou.
IL common sucr-a lawyer. p. S.-ue il
likely to be drain to his client.
The best way for man to acquire 3 fine flow
OF language Id 70 atuo his toe ugainss c raised
brick.
There are many rho can't read Who know 4
tee sees.
A corn-doctor in Europe begins bis an
nouncemci1t with tho stat1leut th,1 lie chad the
honor to operate on several crowEel feet"
-Horse-t thieves in Texas are soreaadod By
string bands.
-''Guess your eyes arc bad" re,,l;ct! Il Green
Bay traveller wiicu told that Lis collar soiied
why. bless you, mister, 1 havout worn rhat
collar Lut two weeks"
Seem less paota-Those that shrink upon
washing.
-''Oi course we couldn't have him roaming
around here aud putting on Congressional airs, u
says Nevada payer in explaining how horse
thief came to hts end.
An urchin, being rebukel for wearing out his
stockings ut his toes. replied that It couldn't bo
*t-f14 ~
"A small boy forgot, aud asked his father for
a "chav NV tub2cccr," the other day and is
ver: rctlcent on the subject now.
"A stump-speakor. who "carricd four Rebel
bullets as proofs Of his patriotism, was found
to have them in his braechcs-pockot
The New York Commercial -4dceriise7' bays
Misc Josephine Conner got lest at picnic tho
other day, and ever since then her friends haya
been getting Joe Conaor.
"A Western Justice of tic Peace is said to
{,hxyc bat
appeal. In the other i've caees the parties died
before they could appeal.
--poetical Justice sometimes hanpens in most
unexpected ways. bagga.e-smasher was re-
Gently foollnG around an elephant, and the in
tcligent beast instinctiyely recognized Ills occu-
patiou, and Knocked the fellow 20 foot with his
trunk
During the fair yesterday afternoon young
knight Of tao ''br,ish " approacucd tho Score
tary, saying Have Shine: 1 stole in hero
nothing. ughkeepsic Eaytc.
"A party OF young meu we're ont aerenadinC
j few nights since. They sat on tho paycmcn:,
which had been recently paved witt, ta7-solu-
tlon- Next morning .he rear Of SIX pair of pants
dotted tho walk, and music is heard no more
around that cottage.
"A Western man Gets fro to the prairie for
fun, but after llo had run miles and climbed .
tree, with his pants about al burned oil, lie con-
Guided tic snort was little too violent exercise
to be ludu]sed in olteuer than once in a life
time.
The refusal Of the indianapolis Common
Council to provide the frornen of that city With
kld-gioves has weakened their ancient faith in
the stability OF Republican Government.
Small boy No. to small boy No. q George,
AIRS: Brown wants you to come home, this min
!" AIrs. Brown why dou'e You cav lis
mother wants him 1 don't want my mama
shroded III the ntrcct like that No, ! ':Wcl!
na'am, / thought it might hurt his feelings to
have the fellows know that he had to ruiz or
Some of the old sl,oalers still live at the
Isles, and one of tnen cyeinS with critical eyes
! pretty little yacht that IVES nloo1ed ut Star.
one day last Year, spied its name, Psyche.
spelt the old man slowly. P-s-y-c-h-e- ''Wall,
4 thas AMT it. tue durndest way ever did see to
Happy tl,onght-That of ths fashionable
vino, whon asked by pupil. |
Who is the present Hing Of Switzerland :"
'ad " TlnH IS not the hour, you know, whom |
alking is permitted. ASK me at the next acs- t
hc bookcase.
"A short time since little commercial
I drummer" Glanced to get into the same rail-
Tay carriage, in England, in which tho Dukes
j. Argyle and Northumberland we're travelling.
The three chatted Familiarity until the train !
topped at Ainwick Junction, where tho D,lo |
II Northumberland got ont and WAS met by q |
rain OF tiunkeys and servants. .sThat must be |
great swell, said the drummer to lis remain-
ng companion. Yes" responded the Duke OF |
aa1fgyle, The is tho Duke OF Northumberland"
E'ets my eyes!' exclaimed the drummer,
; and to think that he should have been so con.
descending to two Little snobs like us!"
1orn Papor FPor, out in Dahota Territory the ELI
GLOW wl!o so}emriy pledged himself not to drink
drop OF liquor. either inside or outside OF
ouee. for TWO years. Soon aftcrward he passed
saloon where three of his former boon-com- |
anions were taking their drop in comfort, and
70 could not help stopping and casting ono
aournful look OF longing within. One OF them
pied him and invited him to join them "Oh.
o.. said he; 50 l wish I could, but I've sworn
ct to take drop, either inside OF outside OF a
ouse. for two years" ''Oh,' says one, won
an have one drink for all that; vs1l lit YOU of
10 threshold: and you can drink half inside the
ouse and half out" So one took hold OF each
=, and thus they raised him mp, while the third
He'd and passed the bottle. Tie took QUO long
rink and was Just drawing breath for another
hen one Of hia supporters shifted little, and
81, shouted, oh @ hold me evea, boys, my