The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-10-10
VARIETY.


A Georgia editor was bitten by dog, being
evidently mistaken for bone"
That was n bright little child who inquired,
" Ma, when cows die, do they 60 to the milky
way?'"
At Cape May, quite recently, two very
kne specimens Of swamp-bred mosquitoes were
shot in the act Of carrying OF young pig
When couple Of young people, who are
strongly devoted to each other, commence to eat
onions, il is safe to pronounce them engaged.
The indianapolis Journal calls Anna Dickinson
an inflated snOb. II Anna gets a chance to blow
mp that editor, he will know what it is to be
inflated
Why did he not Die?" is the title of new
novel. We have not heard the answer, but
believe it to be because he did not take his
medicine
A crazy man hangs around the Office Of the
Menasha (Wis.) Press, and without the shadow
of hope, drops down on his knees and prays
for the editor.
Court in Iowa has fined a farmer $50 be-
cause he made his turn a gTindstOne for
sixteen consecutive hours for going home with an
old maid from singing school
Delaware man, arrested for murder, proved
that on that night and at the hour Of the murder
he was at home mauling his wife, and this fact
saved him. 4 word to the wise is and so forth.
a good way to restore a man apparently
drowned is to first dry him thoroughly, inside
and out, and then clap n speaking trumpet to his
ear, and inform hum that his mOther-in-law is
dead.
Detroit Free Press \ Virginia Sheriff asked
n murderer il he wanted 10 make a speech on the
gallows. and the man replied, ' Guess not it
looks like rain. and don't want to get wet 90
on with the hanging
Whai do you know of the character of this
mani p was asked Of n witness at n Police Court
the other day &" What do know OF his charac-
ter? | know il to be unbleachable. your honor"
he replied, with much emphasis.
Davenport newspaper speaks of a doctor in
that city, " looking with deep-meaning smile
upon large lot Of green cucumbers in the market.
On his way home he observed to whisper
eonhdentially to several undertakers.''
Walt Whitman on the Beecher mystery
HimaIaYa bAmboozcmenti
odam l6s oIoEieam. and 90 and come again.
which II 70 be, os not, i Why Or which,
AMI nothing see AZ all
A man who was seen coming out OF a Texas
newspaper Office with his nose split open, one eye
gOuged out and nm car chewed of, explained to n
policeman that he not subscriber 10 the
paper-he had simply entered the Office to demand
n retractiOn.
Il
mad dog We don't know what he wants to
tell him, but the safest way would be to commu-
nicate with the dog in writing. Send the letter
from the gun in the shape Of wadding, followed
by a small shot to see if he gets it.
Some men are born to misfortune. At
Fourth Of July picnic COvingtOn chap got his
eye punched for speaking to another fellows girl,
% known her these thIrty-6ye years" he got all
his hair pulled out
Jones whose wife's maiden name Eliza,
eonfded to has destined bOgrapher the fact that
ne once land but Once) after wedlOck indulged
himself allusiOn to the devil as the 80 father
of 'LiEe." Since that he has found il more con-
ducive to mutual confidence TO call people by
their right names.
WfrB RFGAKD To GRAsSHOPPERs.- Comes this
xay now on lifted wing, with fiery lightnings in
his eve and the cereal crops Of six counties of
Minnesota in bis eraunching teeth, the villa, un-
bridled grassh0Pper Of the West. jerky bird
IL the grasshOpper. lie folds up like jack
knife releases himself ike an arrow from a
bended bow, prOpels himself over large spaces,
and subsists ON the country he covers. lie as
simiIates the people 70 himself. When he alights
upon the field the farmer looks FOR his crop, and
behold, like the grnsshOpper which has passed,
II has got up and got. For sOciability and gre
s,ariousness there are few wild fowl like the
1rasshopper. lie moves in battaliOns at company
front and whenever there's one there are q
million Standing the ground, his knees over
look him like n step-ladder, and his appearance
!. that OF an overloaded wheelbarTOw. lie has
the unboundsd stomach Of n weekly story paper
for cereals, and when he has cleared up the
standing crops Of a county or State, he skips TO
the next, picking his teeth as be goes, and there
gathering himself in mass convention, he follows
she fashion Of the time and e. points with pride
10 the record Of the past. The youth of your
country call him indifferently the grasshopper
and the hoppergrass, and say - shOo'' at him ne
he goes by The hardy Utah pioneer gently un-
tangIes the legs Of him frOmhIs hair and whiskers,
and covers him with n No. 10 boot; the guest at
the Townsend Hotel in salt Lake City hears him
through all the silent watches Of the night rush
into the window as one who has been sent for from
afar, and drop with thud into the wash-bowli
and the gentle Digger Indian gathers him IN
trenches and barbecues him for the MONDAY
meal-Nes York Tribune.