The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1874-01-31
One of the f, F. y's.
-, = 80 4.A 81 %k.t
Mrs. SQUILLs' MOTHER OBJECTS TO
MUTTON. ~

| t'o oohoiS ulSut, +salQg NQulll5 Il had
left my latch-key at home and had to
ring the old lady out of bed.
Il hated to do it, Of course, said
squills; but I could not roost out all
night on the door mat, and when she
came down SHE looked the reverse of
rosy, | tell you
It's extraordinary, Mr.. Squills, you
eau { think Of your latch key Making
me come down night after night
hadn't done it for year, said Squills,
waking me out of my first sleep, and
catching my death of cold, and blowing
my nose half eff with tac rhcumatsn.'
4 tried to look as sorry as ifshc had
lost her latch-key, I, and Knocked mc ou,
Of bed instead said Squills.
Never mind, Mr. Squills; only wait
till dear baby catches the consumption,
and then you'll wish you'd never seen !,
latch. key perhaps
Catches what, my sweet loye2
Consumption, MIR. Squills Latch
keys have brought more blessed babies
to their latter ends than you dream Of.
Mr. Squils, and | only hope my nos e
wont strike into baly's lungs aud carry
her off, that's all
L hope she would not lie abducted in
that way, said Squills, and then saw
| was IN ior it. So, when l got up stairs,
pultod oH my cont aud bouts, put on
my DRESSING gam, lighted my pipe, drew
my chair up to the lire. and sat down to
wait Iur the hurricane. 1T wasn't long
coming She was sitting bolt upright
in bed .asspinst'sle .pliiovs, anl knew
that anoaat fight 4
'A'r. squllls, FIN sorry you bought
n'ution for ortu,ln0xew.' ls.faa
Why. my sweet lover
''Y"u ainow another never touches
mutton. " hat S TINT, So? Shy n.cold
tater Mt her and let her 90 No, AIr
Squills, [ sl.all not let her 20 aud
shall not shy j cold litter at her, | sup-
pose that disgusting vul lyarity at the
lodge y pretty thing, iu'!erd! y man
who calls himself respectable, telling
the wife OF his bos me TO shy u cold
tater ut her own mother. Id have you
know, MIR. S4uills, that my mother ism t
that kind Of woman; you cant shy
cold potatoes at her with irnpumity, aud
what's more you S au't.'
Nor roast mutton either, said
My family wasn't raised on cold pota
toes in old Virginia, Mr.. Sgulls, what
ever your family was What's the
matter with mutton? Asked your own
heart, Air. squills, iryou have aeart.
You know you might as we'll set her
down to mess of wool. And then, as
that's not cruel enough you want ne to
shy cold potatoes at her What's that
you say about rip Mr. squills? Did
you dare to say let her rp?'
L tried to put IN here and explain
said Squills, that was only getting off
Rip Van Wrinkles joke, and that
didn't mean anything personal, but it
wasn't of any use. She had got her
Shenandoah away up, and that isn't
stoppable, you know, in one Of the lirst
families
Don't insult ME with your beastly
jokes, sir. Can you look that dear
infant in the face, S1uills, after telling
her mother TO throw potatoes at her
grandmother, and to let her rip all
because she don't like wool for dinner
And she shan't eat it, sir. No. sir not
if die for it the next instant, Suuills,
She shall have a can of oysters aud a
box Of sardines all to her dear old self
in the kitchen and I'd like to soc you
throw ,clod potato at her
'This kind Of argument was uLanswer
able, said Squills, 80 l sat aud smoked
my pipe and she subsidized. Just as
was getting into bed, she looked up aud
said, 'Mr. Squills, don't forget to bolt
the door"
The next day, q don't know where
it came fron) but there was a turkey
on the table, and Mrs. SquilIs and the
dear old party from the Shsnandoah
Valley were all as smiling as you please.
l never said mutton once, sad Squils.
a famous rat hunt has taked place at
Iu:M Manin an.,a... aa..- M.