davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
A Joke on Governor Bradley, of Nevada

Governor Bradley, of Nevada, got on the
train at Elko, last week, to go to Palisade.
The car was crowded, and he was com
PEELED to perambulate the entire length of
the car to obtain seat. "Good morning,
my son; how'd ye-do-to-day ?" said the
Governor, in his good natured way, to big
Missourian, who had generously given up
half his seat to the stranger who had thus
accosted him. "That's all right, nv
friend,' said the stranger, "but don't make
yourself so familiar with me, if you please;
I've heer'd of you before-you're one of
them three card fellows but you can't
come it over me, not much. I've been thar
myself, I have!' The Governor assured
the stranger that he was mistaken in the
man, that his mission was one of a different
character, altogether; but it was no use,
cence the more the man became convinced
he had "dropped on one of them fellers."
Finding his protests and arguments avail
ing, and fearing the stranger might take
uOtlUH W illdhe HltIl FdCdbG SCdt, Gllc
Governor concluded to drop the subject.
The stranger turned half round i'll his seat
and sat watching the Governor, as if TAX
ing the dimensions of a supposed monster,
until the train arrived at Carlin. Here
the stranger followed the Governor to the
platform expecting every moment to see
him "spread his tricks" and take some
poor fellow in, but was surprised to see his
'smonte sharp" at once surrounded by
crowd of gentlemen. Bradley told the joke
to his friends, and the soranger was brought
up and introduced, and informed that bis
supposed highwayman was Governor of the
State of Nevada. The Missourian collapsed,
acknowledged himself sold, and all hands
then took a drink at the Governors ex-
pense.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
Gold Mines ia sitka.

Once more the reports come down of an
enormous goldfnd in sitka, and the quartz
is said to have yielded as much as $50 to
six pounds weight, which is equal to about
S1i, 200 per ton. The swift approach Of the
severe winter that belongs to those frozen
regions would in itself probably curb any
impatient people who wish to try their for
tune, and the simultaneous news that three
hundred destitute miners from Stickeen are
waiting at Wrangcl for help to get away
should also make them prudent. The fact
that the rainfall for September amounted
to seventeen inches, and that a larger pro-
portionate quantity had fallen in the. first
twelve days Of October, IS enough to show
that great deal Of gollwould be necessary
ito pay for the danger and discomfort of q
residence there.-S r. Chronicle, NogsHs-
Der 1874,
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
How Mr.. Tweed Lives.

Hdrper's Weekly tells how the enforced
retirement of the Tammany statesman is
made comfortable: From being treated as
a man convicted of enormous crimes, Tweed
has been allowed to assume the character
of distinguished guest on the island. He
occupies large room in the second story of
the central building of the penitentiary.
This apartment, situated near the head of
the stairs leading from the main entrance.
is twenty feet long, twelve feet wide, and
twelve feet in height. 1t contains double
bed, screened by sliding curtain, and is
furnished with bureau, washstand. two
writing desks, one of which is for the
accommodation Of his private secretary.
chairs, books, &C., Sc. The bureau is sup
piled with all the necessary articles for the
toilet. To spare the 6 sstatesman's'' ewes
the whitewashed wall is covered to the
height of about seven feet with maroon
colored muslin. The visitor who under
takes to ascend the stairs leading to the
room is told that there is nothing there but
the private quarters Of the officers, and his
4 70
attention is politely directed elsewhere
The warden's house, situated about 4
quarter of a mile north Of the penitentiary,
is reached by pleasant shaded walk, which
in fine weather forms the favorite prome-
made of the retired Statesman, sometimes
alone, sometimes accompanied by his pri.
vate secretary. The screen of trees spares
him the gaze of curious visitors, and affords
opportunities for a dignified retreat should
an outsider chance to come too near. Ag
he has been permitted to let his hair,
moustache and beard grow, and 10 wear
the ordinary dress Of a gentleman, he might
encounter a visitor without being recog-
nized. In the north wing Of the warden's
house is the large dining room where the
old Ten Governors used to entertain
their friends. This is. now used by the.
retired Statesman" who takes his meals
there in privacy. It i not to be supposed
that the table Is furnished with the regula-
tion prisoner fare. That would be too
coarse for man accustomed to Mr.. Tweed,s
! former style of living.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
Mark Twain Interviewed.

| @. How old are you9
A. Nineteen in June.
Indeed would have taken you to b.
thirty-fve or six. Where were you born
In Missouri.
Where did you begin to write
In 1886.
Why, how could that be, if you are only
nineteen, now?
l don't know: It does seem curious
somehow.
1t does, indeed. Who do you consided
the most remarkable man you have ever
met?
Aaron Burr.
But you never could have met Aaron
Burr if you are only nineteen years
Now, if You know more about me than
do, why do you ask me for?
Well, it was only suggestion /; nothing
more. How did you happen to meet Mr..
/ Burr ee.--
day, and he asked me to make less noise,
and
But, good heavens if you were at his
funeral, he must have been dead; and if he
were dead, how could he care whether you
made a noise or not?
don't know. He was always particu-
lar kind of a man that way.
Still don't understand it at all. You
say that he spoke to you and that he was
dead
didn't say he was dead.
But wasn't he dead?
Well, some said he was, and some said he
wasn't.
What did you think?
0, it was none of my business! It wasn't t
my funeral.
Did you--. However, we can never get
this matter straight. Let me ask about
something else. What was the date of
your birth?
Monday, October 81, 1858.
What Impossible That would make
you 18o years old. How do you account
for that?
| don't account for it at all.
But you said at first you were only nine
teen, and now you make yourself out to be
180. It was an awful discrepancy.
Why, have you noticed that? Shaking
hands.) Many time it has seemed to me
like a discrepancy, but somehow couldn't
make up my mind. How quick you notice
thing!
This was but the beginning. Befor that
interview was over there must have been
one, at least, of the race of lnquirers who
had his curiosity sltisfied.-Lotus Lea0es.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
Mark Twain as a Pedestrian.

Rev. ]. Fl. Twitehen and .ssrark Twain''
started Thursday morning to walk from
Hartford to Boston. They proposed to
walk the distance in twenty-four hours or
more.-Republic, Noo. IA
BosToN, Nov. 13, 1874. Mr.. Redpath
read at a lecture to night q dispatch from
Mark Twain, who set out, with eompan-
ion, to walk from Hartford to this city,
which stated that they had been five days
on the road, and were thirty-five miles from
Hartford. Having satisfactorily demon
strated that the thing can be done, says the
dispatch, tie rest of the distance will be
travelled BY rail,
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04

l learn from newspaper that g a Kansas
widower was tarred and feathered the other
day because he didn't wear deep enough
mourning for his departed spouse" This
reminds me Of the contest that has been
raging IN our village between Brown and
Jones' Both of them lost their wives on
the same day, and after the funerals, Brown
appeared again in public with three inches
of craze on his high hat, while Jones only
had two. Jones was so much afraid peo-
ple would think he didn't mourn for his
wife as deeply as Brown. did for his, that
he added four inches of Grape to his hat,
whereupon Brown apprehending that peo-
pie would believe that he thought more
lightly of his loss than Jones did of his,
put eight inches Of Grape on his hat. Then
Jones, determined not to be outdonc as 3
mourner for the dear departed, put on so
much more Grape that it extended consid-
erably above the top of his hat crown.
Whereupon Brown became excited, and,
cutting the crown from an old hat, he dove
tailed it on his new one and swathed it IN
| crane to the summit. Jones was unwilling
70 display envy. but the memory of Mrs.
Zones vas SO sacred to him that he envel-
| loped his hat in pasteboard four feet high
| and wrapped it all in the blackest Grape he
could buy. But Brown, feeling that his
love for Mrs. Brown demanded energetic
| action, bought fifteen feet of stovepipe,
/ iammed it down over his hat, bandaged il
with two hundred yards of Grape and once
more appeared upon the street. Then
/ Jones sent to the city and ordered hat
eighty feet high, craped six inches thick,
4 1T was sent home from the freight office On
draw, and the next morning Brown knock
cd off, married the widow Metcalf, and
resumed business in straw hat. Jones L
| having his mourning hat cut utuplnto lengths
j and he hoped to be able to fill all his bet
/ with them if his side lost in the election.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
WHAT THE wITs say.


B. F. B. lam dat you, Massa Chr ettse
I-Danbury Neaos. I
Shear" nonsense Clipping jokes. :
Nofrisfo0H Herald.
The three ruling powers of to-day IRE the
Press, the Pulpit and the Petticoat. - Yo,s
ker's Gazette
Milwaukee Sentinel Al Minnesota man
makes the Winter seem short by giving his
note, payable in the Spring.
Boston Post: A little darkey in Baltimore
amused himselfthe other night by pouring
tar into all the street letter-boxes. The
mails were late next morning.
Governor Dix intends to spend the Win
ter in Florida. Happy the man who can
forget the asperities of political fortune in
the sweet distractions of alligator shooting.
Argus.
The Albany Democrat says: A little boy
who rode race-horses in California for
year or two past has now turned out to
be girl in disguise. She has now put on
her proper attile and don't ride clothes
pin fashion any more.
man who will 60 to the cemetery with
his wife on Sunday and weep over her first
husbands grave and walk home without a
cross word shall have our vote every time
he comes up for office.-Detrost Press.
''Long- -winded'' isn't very elegant ex-
preston to use in relation to deliverers of
attenuated orations. Say that they are
gifted with great continuity of breath, and
you can get at something elegant as we'll as
xpressive.-B0stoH Journal.
Brooklyn girls who had the honor of dam
cling with Alexis, and who captured some
of his coat buttons or specimens of his fin
ger-nails, take them out at every fresh re-
port of his marriage, and weep over them
convulsively.-Argus.
There are no millionaires in Turkey.
When Turk has accumulated anything
beyond $4,000 or $1,000, the boss Turk of
all crooks his finger at him, whispers,
"Come down, honey" and the balance is
handed over, or off goes head.-Detroit
Free Press.
The truth ofGeneral Sherman's complaint
that the American soldier is overworked, is
touchingly confirmed by recent picture of
the o'ellabored victim marching against the
Indians with one hand grasping his trusty
rife and the other holding ON to his unreli-
able scalp.-Argus
This somewhat singular and wholly un-
warranted statement appears in the Milwau-
kee Sentinel: "You may gloat over the fail
ure of the Rebellion and the Louisville ed
itor will bear it patiently. But spell Fort
Sumter with a p and he will fight you till
he falls exhausted on pile of Southern ex-
changes"
Singular to relate, an old sausage grinder
pair of hinges, a cracked gridiron, and
half a dozen pieces of scrap iron, were
found in the centre of cotton bale at Ma
con the other day. The articles are sup
posed to have accidentally dropped out of
the vest pocket of some darkey while en-
gagged in packing the bale.-Argus.
Boston Globe At recent wedding, ac-
cording to a report, ''the jellies upon the
bridal supper tables were pure amber mass
es of quivering translucence, catching the
wine colored prisms of perfumed light, and
holding them in tremulous mirrors of rosy
beauty" That's enough to send man off
to propose to the ugliest woman he knows,
on the bare chance of having such things
as that for supper.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
6 Betsey and I are Out. .

The following brief story is contained IN
a late number of the Des Moines Qowa)
Register: "Seventy-six years ago there
was born in New York a gentleman, now
PRESIDENT of Central Iowa, not far distant
from tbe capital city. Forty-five years ago
he was married and lived happily-at least,
SO far as is known-with his wife until
about six years since. Then they had their
first quarrel. Children have been born to
them and grown up under their roof.
Grandchildren have played ON their knees
as old age has come upon them. Just what
the cause of that first quarrel was we have
not learned, nor do we care to learn. It is
enough for the purpose of the historian that
they quarreled, and so bitterly that they
both took steps for a legal divorce. The
long years of peace were all forgotten, and
in wrath they proposed to sever the lives that
had been one fornearly half acentury. Now.
childish as this appears, it is true, and a
Des Moines man, an old friend of all par
ties, was sent for to prepare formal articles
for the separation. He went to the resi-
dence of the belligerent antediluvians about
ten days since, but instead of drafting arti-
cles for divorce, he played the role of
peacemaker SO well that the war was aban-
doned, and now the old folks use one pill
low again. A case almost as strange now
awaits commencement in lawyers Office
in Des Moines. The wife is fifty-eight and
the husband sixty-one. They quarreled
about pan of milk. The wife started to
carry it down into the cellar, but before
reaching the foot of the stairs returned for
some purpose, placing the pan on one of
the steps. The husband had occasion to
descend the stairs before the pan was re-
moved, tipped it over, spilled the milk, and
came back swearing wrathfully. The milk
pan outweighed the memory of thirty-three
years ofpeaceful wedlock, and for the past
six weeks, safely locked in an attorneys
safe, has been lying the application for
divorce. The lawyer doesn't wish to be
party to the suit, hor does he want the di-
vorce to be granted, and is withholding the
application for the purpose Of effecting
settlement Of the difficulties between the
irate twain"
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
THE LARGEST
First Class Hotel in The Territory.

Having secured lease for long term OF
years of this large and commodious house,
I have renovated, refurnished and embel-
lished it's roomy parlors and elegant suits
of rooms, and no expense or pains will be
spared to continue to improve and keep it
on first class principles. The tables are
supplied with the very best the markets
afford and the delicacies of the season. At
tendance unexceptionable. Terms, reason
Bile. 2Sl
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04

TURNING THE MANGLE. = Working IN
one Of the laundries of the city is man
who is said to be deposed Bishop of the
Church Of England He has brother III
the English Parliament, and other relatives
in good circumstances, who would willingly
give him assistance should he make himself
known. but he prefers turning the mangle
III the laundry, for the reason that he can
occasionally indulge in that winch caused
his deposition, viz: strong drink. He i
said to Be very learned and intelligent
man. but with an unconqucrable desire fol
intoxicating liquor. 81. Louis Democrat,
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
Ten Years in Jail for $40, ,ooo-A Treas.
ure Story.

A correspondent of the Baltimore Gazette
writes from Duffeld, Jefferson county, W.
Va, as follows: Your correspondent was
shown the tree few days ago from under
which wus dug the sum of $40, ,000 The
tree is an oak, and stands on the west side
of the road leading from Charleston to
Shepherdstown, and about ten miles from
the latter place. The story as it goes here,
and which is believed to be "a true enc, is as
follows:
During the war all officer of the Federal
army, who had charge of large sum of
money, quartermaster or paymaster,
buried the $4,000 beneath the tree, doing
so either from fear of its falling into the
hands of the Confederates, OF it may have
been to secure it himself. IF the latter, he
succeeded. if we credit what follows which
is told by parties who saw the evidences of
the facts and heard the story from the party
| when he returned to take away the buried
treasure.
The party-whose name was not given,
or, if he gave one, was an assumed name
was tried, q year or two after the war, for
the embezzlement Of government money
(the same money he had buried under the
oak in jefferson county,, was convicted of
the charge, and sentenced to serve term
of years in the Albany Penitentiary. This
| he did, and the law was satisfied; for he
declined to give any clew to the whereabouts
of the money. His sentence expired few
monts ago, aud, rs was to be expected, he
lost no time in hurrying to the spot, where
fortune was to be had for the digging
1t seems his knowledge Of the locality had
somewhat failed, for he was seen in the
neighborhood for several days, but one fine
morning he Lad gone, and with him the
money. The ground under this tree pre-
sented the appearance of a newly-plowed
field, having been dug up during the night
by the cx-convict for tile space of rod or
more. The pick and shovel he had borrow
ed in the neighborhood he returned.
Strange as this story may appear. there
is no doubt but that money of some kind
N1o pltiiSu tiiClS' etHd uuS up. i H6 dIIiOuHt
| is believed to have been the sum stated
MoNKEYs.-'T hate the sight of monk
eys, said Luttrell, they remind me so OF
poor relations" But, amusing as it is, this
sort of witticism, founded ON perversion
of the Darwinian theory, is becoming rath-
er stale, and should be regarded as ssbad
FORM by all intelligent people. Better, by
4 a good deal, than this easy common place is
Lord Neayes' brief resume of the theory in
one of his most famous songs:
San ape with pliable thumb and big brain,
| When the gift of the gas he managed to gain,
As a Lord of Creation established his reign:
/ Which nobody can deny"
And better still is Mr.. Mortimer Collins
version of this story:
There was an ape in days that were earlier;
| crntnties past. and his hair became cGrlier.
| Centuries more gave thumb to his wrist;
.hen he was Man, apd Positivist A
fsns5ey's Mdgaziae.s
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04

A poet in Canton, Ohio, has sent Inc
poem which he wants me to have inserted
in the NeaUs. 1t is entitled stThc Lovers, y
and it refers to a girl named Louisa, who
suffers because her father won't let her
marry man named johnson. will only
ask the publication of one verse SO that the
situation may be understood
go let me marry johnson now,"
Louisa to her father cried.
And placed her head upon his breast
And nestled at her parents side
@ Rather than you should bear that name,"
The stern old man unto her said,
"pd have you taken from this life
And numbered with the nameless dead.'
1t will be observed that the ground of the
old mans objection seems to be not 50 much
Johnson himself, but his name; and this
strikes me as being particularly unreasona-
BILE, becausei if there is any name in existence,
that is melodiously beautiful, that is replete
with Intoxicating sweetness, that produces
luxurious and rapturous enthrallment of
the senses and that is full of poetry and
pathos and wild, unearthly, music, that
name is Johnson. 1t is even more exquisite
in its loveliness than Jones or McGinnis;
and there would, therefore, appear to be
something almost too cruel in the rejection
of johnson by Louisa's father for this
reason. protest against such violation
of the rules of art on the part of the poet.
will give the poem publicity when he re-
constructs it and makes that stern old man
more reasonable.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04

sMosT LOVELY y SAvAGEs. The author
of ssThe Wonderland of the Antipodes =
writes: 1.-THE Samoans are the most lovely
race of savagrs with whom it has been my
fortune to meet. They have not the fiat
noses, thick lips, frizzled hair of the negro
type. but have distinctly European fca-
tures, and a very pleasing expression. The
color Of their skin is a rich golden; their
whole costume is limited toa light fringe
Of grass around tine waist, and the women
| coniine themselves in the way Of tattooing
to a couple of thin blue lines across tie lips.
| The men are of of great physical strength
and enormous structure; they have a queer
disdain for us whites, and say that we EN-.
ploy brute force, 9. g., Armstrong guns,
i &C.. like bull, they have the reason and
intellect OF a child who runs away from The
bull They i've 4 happy, graceful life; tlae
earth, unasked, produces her treasures il
abundance; they have no need To zig when
/ all is ready TO d cir hand. =
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-04
VOL. 6, No. 90.
THINGS GENERALLY.
BY MAX AnEL.E1s

4 man dressed in sailor-costume was mn
in bur criminal court the other day upon !
charge of stealing a pair of boots. AS he
had no counsel, the Court appointed a
yotsng lawyer to take charge of his defense.
me lawyer opened the case with a speech
in which he alluded to his client as 81
child OF the sad sea-wayes, nursing of
the storm, whom the pitiless pillows had
cast, a.forlorn and friendless waif upon
the shores of time, after a life spent in
fierce and heroic contestHwith raging ele-
ments." Then the defendant was put upon
the stand and the fact was revealed that
he was cook upon Snyder county canal
boat, previous to which he had peddled
CLAIMS in Wilmington. The nursling of the
storm is now in Jail for sixty days.
The weather reports in the daily papers
are very creditable, but they are too prosy.
1t seems to me that they would be very
much more interesting if they were offered
to the public in a poetic form. I am aware
that the material is not as susceptible of
poetic treatment as some other things are,
but with the exercise of a little ingenuity
it might be successfully handled. Let me
illustrate my method. Take this, for in
stance:
For Middle States, cold northeast winds
With heavy frosts, as well as
Bad weather in New England, that
Will call for umber-ellas
Along the upper lakes, slight rains,
Succeeded by a clearing
Wind, north to northwest first, and then
To west and southwest veering.
Or we might have something like the
following:
A storm is slowly sailing up the Mississippi
valley,
So wear your rubbers and old hats when
out from home you sally.
And in New England will be frosts, with
falling baro-nleter,
With cold so great thai you will want more
fuel in your heater.
Perhaps we even might have verse like
this:
The l. Eer lake region is threatened with
rain, a---....
And New England with scattering
showers.
There will probably be high winds on the
coast,
With storm in a very few hours.
Of course know that some Of this is
sickly. When a poet, for instance. is COM
PEELED to use umber-ellas for the sake of
rhythm and barometer for the sake of
rhyme, he is usually simply an object of
compassion. But I offer these merely as
examples. If the Weather Bureau accepts
the suggestion it ought to engage Mr..
LongfeIlow and Mr.. Tennyson to stay in
the Office and take watch and watch, work
ing the reports into verse as they come in.
Mr.. Tennyson could make a weather con-
lecture as musical as a nightingale or an
ACCORDION if he chose to try. l don't pro-
fess to do that kind of thing.