The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-02-06
HUMOROUS.
"A little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest men"

a little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisest men"
The child who cried for . hour
did not get it.
Nimrod was mighty hunter, but
ne never saw an ANTELOPE.
What is the proper age for par
son? Why, parSon age.
Notwithstanding the panic, the
wages of sin have not been reduced.
A great many children get on the
wrong track because the switch is
misplaced.
Love is a thing in four letters, yet
| sometimes in a breach of promise
case it proves to have hundreds.
Where is 'sparts unknown ?" asks
a correspondent of the Danbury
News, to which Baily answers very
truthfully "Where they don't ad
vertise."
A marriage in a buggy is an
nounced IS having occurred lately
in Verginia. Bot is that any ex.
cuse for the bride becoming little
sulky after few days.
"The Israelites crossing the Red
Sea-" is one of the paintings ex
hibited by a professor IN Maine, who
claims in his advertisement ''they
were photographed from life"
A printers apprentice says that
at the Office they charge him with
all the ''pie'' they do find, and at the.
house they charge him with all they
| don't find. He doesn't understand
that kind of logic.
"How fast they build houses
now," said H., ''they began, that
house last week and now they are
putting in the lights" eyes" re-
piled his friend, ''and next week
they will put in the liver" d
A close-fsted fellow down East
died, and on his tombstone was in
scribed she that giveth to the
poor lendeth to the Lord" A neigh
Dor passing by saw it, and observed
he reckoned the Lord didn't owe
that chap red cent.
Quilp and his wife had bit of a
contention the other day. 81 own
that you have more brilliancy than |
T." said the woman, "but I have bet
ter judgment" eyes," said Quilp, |
',your choice in marriage shows |
that p Quilp was informed that he |
was brute.
"Why are women like churches ~
Firstly, because there is no living
without one secondly, because |
there is many aspire to them third
ly because they are objects of ador-
alton and lastly, because they have
a loud clapper in their upper story.
The Peora Revie1o say that a lady
teacher in one Of the public schools
was amazed the other day to see a
perfect forestof juvenile hands fly up
in the air and shake gesticulate with
violent agitation. "What do you
want ?' queried the puzzled in
structor. Chorus -" Your hairs
falling off"
An Irish glazier was putting
pane of glass into a window, when
groom, who was standing by, began
joking him, telling him to mind and |
put in plenty of putty. The Irish
man bore the banter for some time,
but at last silenced his tormentor.
with "Arrah, now, be off wild We, or
I'll put pain in yer head wild out
any putty at ALL"
give known many a church to die
COS it didn't give enough, but
never knowed c church die 'cos it
gave too much /! Dey don't do dat
way. Brederen, has any OBJ you
knowed a church to die COS it gave
too much If you do, just let me
know, and I'll make pilgrimage to
dat church, an I'll climb by de soft
light OBJ de moon to its moss cover
ed roof, an I'll stan dar an lift my
hans to Heaven an say BLESSED
are de dead dat die in de Lord"
"An effeminate man." says a re-
cent writer, sis a weak poultice. He
is cross between table-beer and
ginger-pop, with the cork ont a
fresh water mermaid found in q COW
pasture, with her hands filed with
dandelions. He is teacup full oil
syllabub kitten in trousers; a
sick monkey with a blonde nous
tache. He is vine without any ten
drills; ay drowned in oil paper
bite in dead calm. He is as harm
less as penny worth of sugar can
dy, and as useless IS a shirt button
without hole. He is as lazy as a
slug, and has no more hope than a
last years summer fly. He goes
through life on tiptoe, and dies like
Cologne water split over heground."
A few days ago a colored man ap-
piled at one Of the Boston Savings
Banks, where he had deposit, and
whence he wished to withdraw one
dollar The polite clerk of the In
stitUtion informed him that the iron
rule of the institution forbid the
withdrawal of less sum than three
dollars. Our colored brother was in
deep study for few moments.
and then said 'Sar, I'll take de
free dollars" The three dollars
were paid to him, when he at once
added "Now sar, if you please sar,
I'll possit two dollars in de institu-
ton" The amount was duly re-
ceived and credited to his account,
when with his loose dollar in his
pocket, he gave the clerk sly wink
and walked away whistling "Catch
a weasel asleep"
Only those afflicted with chapped !
hands can appreciate the sufferings :