The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
CURRENT ITEMS,

mia which do not owe dollar of public
debt.
BRINGING a Limburger cheese into
Denver is punishable by fine of SO for
the first offense.
THE Eastern oyster refuses to spawn in
the bay of San Francisco. he grows
very fat and then dies.
IT has been decided in Wisconsin that
lady who is kissed by conductor can
bring action against the company.
A DUBUQUE man has asked the courts
to protect him against three widows who
are trying to force him into marriage.
A BROOKLYN sewing society fines any
member who talks scandal 81 for each
oftense; only the wealthy are able to at.
tend.
THE Niagara hotcl.keepers announce
that they are going to put a stop to hack
swindling, but what about hotel swim
ding?
A BOY in St. Louis swallowed seven
brass buttons because another boy dared
him to, and is now laid up for internal
repairs.
VERMONT boys threaten to run away
and become pirates unless they are given
hunks of maple sugar, and mothers have
to submit.
PEOPLE who propose to explore Africa
ought to know that it takes whole month
to dry dead explorer so that he can be
shipped home.
"K1ND WORDS are wonderful in their
way" says an exchange, "but SO far as
children 60 bootjack exerts more pow
erful influence"
AN agricultural society in New York
is discussing the morality of raising hops
and is getting rather hoppy over the ques:
ton. Try rye, says an exchange.
"THE human fiend in plum-colored
kids who spit tobacco on my hat is
marked for DEATH" says John Lane in an
advertisement in Memphis paper.
A DETROIT paper noting, the fact that
a man fell down dead while combing his
hair, says: "And yet there are people
who will persist in that dangerous habit"
WooD ashes and common salt made
compact with water will stop the cracks
of stove, and prevent the smoke from
escaping.
TrsRURGH is going to cast a cannon
twenty-eight feet long. If the ball don't
kill they can punch man in the stomach
with the muzzle Of the gun and severely
injure him.
BRA1NrREE, VT, had but one marriage
during 1878. The groom was gay young
spark Of 73, while the bride was a giddy
thing of "A. 1t was her second and his
fifth marriage.
THERE'S nothing like persistency.
John Couch was married in Philadelphia
the other day to girl who had refused
him eighteen times. She wanted to see
if he really loved her.
You may talk yourself into bronchial
affection but you can't convince Yer
mont woman that there won't be death
in the family if she dreams of seeing a
hen walking picket fence.
TIE Maine people are waking up to
the enforcement Of the Fish laws, and a
man was fined fifty dollars the other
day for merely bringing salmon to mar
ket in Bangor out of season.
In house at Augusta, Me-, rats nest
recently discovered contained four silver
stockings and half a peck of butter
nuts. Quite stylish housekeeper for a
rat.
AFTER years Of careful study and close
observation an Iowa professor is able to
| announce that frogs can see sideways,
and that music has more of influence on
them than this careless world has any
idea Of
A NORTH CAROLINA Judge added three
years to a mans sentence because the tel-
low hit him on the pate with a quid Of
tobacco and called him "old boss" 1t
does seem as ifthe word "freedom" " had
no business in this country.
A CITIZEN of Vicksburg advertises ::
"My attention has been called to an edi-
torial in the Vicksburg Herald of to-day,
which might reflect upon me. I de-
nounce the author of said article as a
liar, scoundrel and a coward"
Mrs. J. H. BLACKMAN, of East Sharon,
Mass, who had been paralyzed in one Of
her legs three years so as not to be able to
walk step, fully recovered the use of her
limb few weeks ago, as she claims, by
the efficacy of prayer alone.
Two hundred people in Colorado town
recently turned out in body to look upon
bedstead with casters, it being the first
ever seen in the county. The possessor
had his hat over his left ear, and was for
time greater man than the Mayor.
The quickest way we know of to make
.
world worth living for is to excite him
or three clothes-lines are innocently sway
ing in the evening breeze.-Detroat Free
Press.
THE most astonishing case of spontane-
Gus nuptials has occurred in Iowa, where
a couple were recently married, and after
the ceremony the bride was obliged to
ask her husband what her new name
was. The parties had been acquainted
only few hours.
How rapid is the march of civilization.
There is county in Kansas where only a
few weeks ago the buffalo fed and the an.
telope sported, now showing evidence OF
modern civilization by bearing on the
docket of the District Court three divorce
suits.-Erchange.
| SPEAKING of cremation, an exchange
utters the following:
And this is all that's lett Of thee,
Thou fairest Of earth's daughters;
| Only four pounds of ashes white
Ont Of one hundred and fourteen and three
| quarters"
FASHIONABLE milliners are finally in
dignant, and assert that after this season
they will never have "openings." II
seems that the manipulation Of bonnets
this year has ruined many hundred dol
lars worth Of goods, and they say thai
this sort of thing can't 60 on forever,
more especially as they do not get any
orders.
"How much better it would have beer
| to have shaken hands and allow it was al
a mistake" said Detroit Judge. "The1
the lion and the lamb would have lair
down together, and white robed peace
would have famed you with her wing