National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1874-01-13
HUAOl rs PARAGRAPHS.

The tobacco ehewer is said to DO like goos'
IN Dutch oven ways on tho spit
"What animal has the most brains;" Give \ !
up. "The hog lie has hogshead full Of en-
Why Is n room full Of married ladies IKE =
empty room! gcrause there is not singis oos
"A lass, q Lass exclaimed an old bachelor VIC
wanted to marry. Alas, alas!' he crioo' s'seA Nv
Ind been married awhile. ~,
A Miss W"pA recently recovered 49, 49,.
damages for breach Of promise irom ''''
swain. Wood is high in those quarters.
The other ,iaN an old lady rushed into tne gaI
den in search OF her daughter, on 1eing toio Ins'
ahe young lady had gone there with rae.
:. An fmpertinc,I fellow wants to know you eve
nat down to tea " lere sSim .. I'm, t.ts crsam
"Jsck," said man to lad Just ~, entering M MI
tesns, s.your fatn.r is drowned. Hang 70
piled the young I;al,eful, 'and he's got my JACK
knife In his pocket. o..
A Young lady, ,,s heing told that her lover va!
suddenly killed. Exclaimed: "Oh, that splendid
gold watch OF rs: give me that-give me some
Thing to remember him by"'
Woman is like ivy-the more you are ruined tn
closer she cfin.ss 10 you. An old bachelor adds
1sIvy is like wonan-the closer it clings to yot
the more you are ruined.
The woman WIG made pound Of butter from
the cream Of poke and q cheese from the mix .
human kindness, has since washed the close Oh .
year and hung them to dry upon bee-line.
sSam, why am ne beiobed OBJ my heart ME Is
aoah d ss mass IN e we don't
L.
isss."
'Mergery, what did you do with that tsii ALLOW
cakes with it" You did; 1 thought you had
wasted it,"
poetrys" Fred--Ies, I'm writing an eoed Z,
nv tailor Tcni-"W hats the timo and tune:'
Ffed--'Time, sixty days. It's set to note oil min'
In his kee- ping" &c. - - =.
thin woman us that beforefa "Thin," replied
the other; bothera shun, seen one a. thin as wv
of her put together, have.
(which, mo dear young lady: do you think tht
merriest place in the world ." THAT fmme
diately above the atmosphere that surrounds tht
earth, should think, because I'm told that there
all bodies lose their gravity.
"Many young lady who objects to being kissed
under the misiletoe has no objection to be KISSED
under the rose A careless eompositor made Al
error in the above. rendering it, has no opJectioI
to be kissed under the nose"
sJulius, can Yea tell me how Adam got out o.
EdenF" We'll, s'pose he clum dc fence" IN
dat ai.t it, , den as eSFrGTs suss MaG np
den" He got snaked out"
"John,n said IL father to his thirteen.year.olt
boy, when he caught him shaving the down OF
his upper lip, ..dUut throw your shaving wate
out Where there are any barcfooted boys, for the!
might get their feet prfcked and hati)rried-"
A rising ..poic' thus expatiates upon pris'
And Isaac pitched into hymn
And nymn pitched into he;
The way they fytte 1t was sin
AND hSrrybel to
COW and the other Tor stealing o watch. "Huilo
Mike! and what o'clock is 1T" said the cowstealoI
to the other. An sure, Pat haven't my TING
piece handy, but think it is about milking time"
"Sir,- said . little clustering man to religious
opponent, ito what sect do you belongf" well
idon't exactly know" replied the other, 'but e
Judge from Your sSe and appearances, sm n'iaa
insects"
An ill-humored woman. abusing her husband
for mis- mercenar. disposition, told him that sne
ter IL he could get anything by it. That 10 true
replied the husband. "but the worst Of It 10 can
not marry two sis.ers"
A Harrisburg paper gives the following case Of
absence of mind: "A young girl, who was one oil
our first loves was night lighting us out, afteI
having passed delightful evening, when, in
bsshful trepidation, she blew us out and drew tne
candle behind the door and kissed It."
The most appalling case Of deafness outside Of
an asylum was that Of an old lady who lives Just
ACROSS the street from the navy yard gate. The
The old lady was observed to start and listen q.
the last gun was fired, and then she exclaimed
-stCome in
Unsophisticated boy .Mamma, papa e getting
why, child?" Boy: "'Cause he gives me 20 much
money. Almost every morning after breakfast
when sallio is sweeping the par,los, NJ gives inc
short notice to quit.
A young man in Indiana sues his father fol
loaned money, which the father claims was his
own property. The fathers counsel, In summing
up the case Of his client, remarked; "TWice has
this prodigal returned to his fathers houss twice
has he been received with open arms twice fol
him has the fatted calf been killed; and now he
comes back and wants the old cow"
The Merry Andrew Of the Detroit Free Pres,
relates that the landlord of . hotel on Wood
bridge street writes out . single bill Of fAre
which is passed to each guest in turn, and In thii
way he gives high tone 70 his institution and
Cody" Is1upe,s srosts ss.f." affide ham,
pboyIed and bakt potatyrs," "frde coul paddtn. =
Smins pie"
AldrIch, in his new story In the Atlantic, get
on pretty good thing on aristrocrattc circles, u
Follows: "One is panied TO find that the most q
elusive folks have frequently passed their earl,
manhood In selling tape or West India goods IL
-homeopathie quantities. This is not IN Immoral
ching In ITSELF but II is certainly illogical in thess
people to be intolcrant Of those less fortunate
people who have not yet disposed Of their stock.