The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1874-07-02
THE TROUBLE or FCHRIsTOPHER co
LUMBUs MCPHERSON.

a II & 4 II
----ses-----
THE TEoUBLE or cHIsIsro oRHER oo=
LUMBUs McPHERsoNs
k8ff8s fire. EfFk HfsFf
This boy was a good boy. He would
have been an angel to-day, buti for the
deceit of this false-hearted world. He
WasM't enc, of a set of tFipIets, and
therefore didn't have honors shoWered
dqWH upon him IN his early days, but
old women SAID there was foundation
there for an orator. q great General or
philosopher and old men examined
his head and said it was 1evel.j Moth.
ing ia particular happened to Chris
topher Columbus until the eighth ] ear
of his reign. His childhood DAYS were
fnlf of mud pies, the butt end Of
shingles paregoric, castor oil aud old
straw hats with the front brffn worn
off. He was a deep thinker and a
close observer for small boy, and he
was just innocent enough 10 believe
things Whiehsolner boys pitch out of
the window without a second Thought.
When Christopher was nine years
old he heard some one say that ga
penny saved was awo peuee earned y
He therefore laid a big bungtown
away in aicFaek under the mob board,
and every day he looked to. see it
grow to two cents. He.had confidence
and patience, but at length both gave
way. Then he got the cent out one
day and Mrs. Norton's baby swallow
ed II, and that was the last Of that
BnngtoWn. The youthful Christopher
didn't believe IN maxims quite as
much as before but he hadn't cut all
his eye teeth yet. = :
fWhen this boy was a year older he
heard itsaid that "truth was mighty
and must prevail, 2 and thata boy who
always speaks the truth would surely
make great and good man. He
commenced to tell the truth. One day
he got his fathers best razor out and
hacked it on a stone, and when the
Old gent came home and asked tho in
blazes had done that, Christopher Co
lumbus spoke up and said l5A
sIt was |, father-I notched your
cid razofs1 - 8EJl5 Iff3fEit
ssYou did, eh ?" sneered the old man
as be looked up into a peach tree; /;
fsWell, Til fix yoH so you won't never
notch another razor for me-" slHs}
And he cut budding limb and
dressed that boy down until he saw
stars. That night Christopher Oolum-
bus determined never to tell the truth
again unless by accident, and through
all his life he stuck to the resolution.
When the lad was about twelve
years old, he read in a little book that
honesty was the best policy" He
didn't more than half believe it, but
he thought he'd try. He went to be-
ing henest. One day his mother sent
him to the grocery to buy some eggs.
and Bill Jones induced him to squan-
der the remaining change in the pur-
chase OF soda water. When he got
home his mother asked for the little
balance, aud Christopher explained.
Aopent 1t for soda, eh ?" she replied
"Here your poor mother is working
ike slave, and you are around sTiIi-
ing down soda Wateri I don't think
you'll swill any more, don't. Come
over my right knee"
And she agffated him in the Iiveli-
est mannersg That night as he turned
scna his doWny straw bed, the boy
made up his mind that honesty didn't
pay, and he resolved TO cheat the
whole world If he could.
When Christopher was half year
older he came across the injunction
BE kind to the poor" He did not
know whether it would pay or not,
but he set about il. He knew of d
3 poorzWoman who was sadly in need
OF Q spring bonnet, and he took over
his mothers, along with few other
things, including his fathers second
pair of boots, his own Sunday shegs
and so on. He went around feeling
very big-hearted, until the old gent
wanted to 90 to the lodge one night.
and then il came out. a4
ssGln away my boots, eh % inquired
the father, sIugged your mothers best
bonnet off, eh? well, I don't think |
you'll remember the poor very much /
after to-nightR 1sis
And he pounded Christopher Co /
lumbus with pump-handle until the
boy tainted away, and even then did /
not feel as if he had made thorough /
job of it.
They fooled this boy once more. He /
heard q rich man say that everybody |
should make hay while the sun shone. I
So when there came sunny day he 1
went out and took down his fathers I
scythe from the plum tree and went |
to making hay. He broke the scythe. I
cut down the tulips, and hacked his
sisters heel, and his mother came out /
and led him around by the hair and I
bounced him until he went into de-
cline. They. couldn't bamboozle this
boy after that. He grew wicked eve
Ty day Of his life, aud before his
eighteenth birthday arrived he was
hung for murder. He said he didn't
care huckleberFy about it, and died
without making the usual Fourth of
July oration. M. QuAD.
The Niles Record, temperance or
gan. erleakiun Ilnon the @licansa rauas.