The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-02-09
THE PRESS.
MONDAY MORNING. FEB. 8. 1874

Gossip and Gleanings.
whats port to you is death to me-" as
the gouty man said to his son.-Judy.
Selfculture-Ha your head against
stone wall before getting married,
Plenty consists in the power to curb your
wants.
There is. no solitude like that of the society
OF unlike, sympathizing natures. kept togeth-
er oy external reasons H. w. Beecher.
Street Arab: "Box O. matches, sir?"
Swell: 'No-don't smoke'' Street Arab:
''Buy box, and I'll teach youv'
Imagine John Bulls feelings in case he dis
covers that our much-vaunted American
sleeping coach is a little buggy.
Job wished that his enemy would write a
book. But he doesn't, however; he merely
reviews it.
A woman should keep on her company face
and back hair all day long, that she may not
be taken unawares
Talk about the modern falling off of home
affections Our wives are becoming dearer
every day.
A man who had been to d crowded ball said
he was fond of rings on the fingers, but he
didn't like bellies on his toes.
At recent dinner Of shoemakers the fol-
lowing toast was given: MAY we have all
the men to boot,''
The ferces IN Harlem are still adorned with
placards saying, "Vote tor Genet, who is in
favor Of rapid transit.' He has proved him
self true to his word for once.-Con,'I Adrer-
tiser.
A Floridian heard the other day for the first
time the story of David and Goliah, and he
became so enthusiastic that he swung his hat
and called out. 'Bully for the fsllow with
the sling!'
Retributive justice sometimes follows faster
than we could expect An evil minded Brook
lyn boy propelled snO ba at his aunt last
Saturday morning, and, lodging into neigh
boring area, s t down on scqttle full of hot
hshes.-B Brooklyn Argus.
Sir. st, George Fore, a wealthy English
sportsman, is ON brief shooting trip to Flori-
da. As he only means to trough it," he has
brought but six servants ard not more than
three tons OF luggage, besides the few things
needed for his four horses and twenty dogs.
Chorus of ladies Ito comely Curate who is
ascending the ladder to bang decora.iODs)- J.
| ''Oh, Mr.. Sweetlow, do take care! Don't GO
| up! So dangerous! Do come down! OH!
Rector (sarcastically) Really, Sweetlow,
don't you think you'd better let married
man do that v'-Punch.
/ He took her fancy when he come; he tool
| her hand, he took a kiss he took no notice o
the shame that glowed her happy cheek a
this. He took to coming afternoons; he tool
an oath he'd never deceive he took her ia
theirs silver spoons, and after that he too
his leave.
At school examination an eloquent clergy
man made brief address to the pupils of tn
necessity of obeying their teachers and grow
ing up loyal and useful citizens To empha
size his remarks, he pointed to large nation
| al flag spread on one side of the room, ant
inquired, ''Boys, what is that flag for?'
little urchin, who understood the condition o
the house better than the speaker, promptly
answered, ''To hide the dirt, SIR"
"John." said clergyman to his man, "yor
should become tetotaller; you have beer
drinking again to-day" "Do you ever taxi
a drip yourself, meenister?" Yes, John
but you must look at your circumstances ant
mine." every true, sir,' said John; 'bu
can you tell me how the streets of Jerusalem
were kept so clean?' 'sNo, John, 1 canno
tell you that" "Weel, sir, it was just be
cause every one kept his ain door clean"
A noted hunter of South Hero fears tina
he has been the victim of tIsell." He ha
gun that scatters shot badly, so that it i
not of much account. A while ago, he saw
an advertisement in city paper, offering t.
1 send information whereby such scattering
| of shot could be effectually proven ed, on re
ceipt of fifty cents. He Sent the money, ant
| in due time was informed that to prevent his
gun from Scattering he should ''put in on
| ly one shot.'