The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-02-04
SCRAPS.


A blacksmith is always striking
for wages.
When is a thief like reporter :
When he takes notes.
A marriage on a railway train
may properly be termed railroad
tie.
Never kick a man when he is
down, unless you are sure he cant
get up.
= If you wish to hear anything from
the Virginius drop hera line.
An Illinois man has invented q
steam iackass. As if steam one
were necessary.
If You want to make a hustle in
the world, take five newspapers and
a piece of tape.
In pocket-picking, as in every
thing else, man never succeeds
'untiIbe gets his hand in.
: A Georgia editor was bitten by q
dog, being evidently mistaken to'
"a bone.
sg~ The Press and Banner Office
is well supplied all the needed ma
terials for neat job printing. All
work done promptly and cheaply.
" Elgin, Illinois, offers the boys
two cents apiece for all the rats
they can kill, and the schools are on
the point of suspcuding.
w- A fine assortment of the
newest style:job type has just been
received at the office Of the Press
md Banner.
T. Mrs. Andrews, of Vermont, said
she didn't care a darn whether the
dinner suited her husband or not.
tand justice fined her seven dol
lars. Co.,.
"You must be qUarrelsomc fel-
low," said Il phrenologist to q man
whose bumps he was examining.
Say that again and I'll knock you
down. was the response.
+ The wickedest boy in the West
is now reportsdin Ohio, where he
cut off three of his toes in order
that he might notrceeive the bene-
fits of the Sunday-school instruc-
tiou. '.,.. ...''
! A young gentleman at Kansas
City sent seventy-fve cents to New
York recently for a method OF wri-
ting without pen or ink. lie re-
.ceiYed, the following inscription Oh
a card: '"Write with pencil -
:; "I am weary Of life4bury me
deep on:the hillside" wrote a young
man in Dubuque; but they pumped
him out, and. that same night he
went to tho circus and laughed till
he cried at the antics of'thc trick
.snules:j' T.
"a gentleman who rather sus'
peeted :tsome. one was 'peeplng
through the keyhole of his office
door, investigated with a syringe
full of pepper-sauce, and went home
ITO find his wife had been cutting
wood and a chip had bit her III the
eye - = ''''..'. t
{. It is now discovered that the ac-
count of a s'balloon" being found
in a tree in North Africa, and sup.
posed to have travelled southwark
from France during the Franco
German war, is founded on typo
graphical error The word should
have been printed "baJoon."
IA A bachelor says il yoil hand al
lady newspaper with a paragraphI
cut out of it, not line OF it will be
read, but every bit Of interest felt
in the. paper by the lady will center
in finding out what the missing
paragraph contained. ;.. -
:" 1A certain farmer, having compa-
nv at dinner, was ambitious to make
Il appear that he was somebody.
"a SS-asS;ro his hoy. he said: "IIave'
YOU driven those sheep in ?" .4es
SIR ''Are you sure You droSe
them all in ~ :'Yes sir; | saw him
Jump over the bars lie had but
Grc. .,... .~.
= An enthusiast was turned out Of
the gallery Of q Memphis theater,
the othernight, for encouraging the
antics of Miss Thompson with the
delightful exclamations:, of ''Bully.
for you, old tow7topI Good lordy.
look at her kick !",:, Thus cruel fate
chills the ardor of the most ingeni-
,ous spirit. 80. ,"... ".>.:. :.
A Western paper speaks of the
house-cleaning season as that when
divine woman has her own way at
the hease, while the sold man"
takes bis solemn repast from the top
of the flour barrel, and, in sleeping,
enioys the freedom Of the interval
between his bedroom and the front
fence: 1t is season Of meditation,
whitewash, and calm, uuimpassion-
ed'profaulty.