The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-20


might with her head chopped of and her body il
our soup kettle, il will at once be understood
that she has been lntrudinS.
c i contemporary calls his items "Nits" TO show
L that he rets them out Of his head.-E1.
: Perhaps some one is telling lice on that party
The prophet Elijah has informed New YorE
i medium that the city viii be laid in ruins within
n ,we!yemon,h. We will wager that the Hodb
( will be issued next day with the best account o.
a the catastrophe and map of the ruined dis
trict.
We have seen several miles Of poetry having
its inspiration in that dash ahead Of the empty
ing dam, but we give the preference to the fol
lowing lines quite as much because Of their he.
roic tone as for their lustrious poctcal parent
age. CT will be noticed that no quotation marks
Iare used):
Good Collins Graves, the milkman, rode
Before the dams disaster,
and as the torrent onward Moved,
His stced he spurred the faster;
All, sHrcly, these be honest tunes,
Since, checking human slaughter,
4 man of milk neglccts his dimes
To caution men gainst water.
There is a lady in Benton, Mich, who subscrib.
ed for the Detroit FIRE. Press in 1885, and has
been taking it regularly ever since. The result
is. that she is now seventy years old and is in
good health. II is astonishing how long per
son will live who subscrbes regularly and pays
promptly for good newspaper. If the doctors
would prescribe fewer pills and more ncwspa-
pers the world would be much healthier than it
is.
An editor in a small town in Iowa who attend
ed a young folks picnic, became imbued with
the whirl Of society," and this is how II aPpearedto
him:
ave are in the midst of the season for outd oor
parties mirth and fcstivity. The rosined hair Of
the horse travels merily over the intestnes
the asil cat, eyoking music to which the impa-
tent feet trip galy upon the hoor.
That Editor probably survived, but here is one
who found no time for such vanities, and fel
ow sufferer writes
YEEDIToR's OBITUARY.
Ye Editor sat in his ricketty chair, rs worried
Is worried could be, for ye Devil was grnning
before him there, and copy" We Devil sayed ne
oh, yc Editor grabbed his big quill pen, and il
;pluttered We ink so free, that his manuscript
ooked like a war map when" Take THIS to we
Devil spake he,
ong day, no rest or refrcshmcnt had he; for we
Devil kept instantly coming that way, ana
rowling for more "cop-ee"
Day after day he scssored and wrote, a-saying
he whole coun,ree; while ye Devil kept piping
lis single note, "A little Elore outside cop'ee;"
And when ye boys in ye ncwsroom heard ye
loisc of We fray, ye sound Of blow and bias.
,hemous word, Hes raising ye Devil" say they
And oft when a man with grievance came in,
'e Editor man to see, he'd turn his back with Il |,
word Of sin" Go talk 10 We Devil!' sayed he.
And ever and Oft, when proof OF his work We
wanted TO see, "Ye proof shall be
hown by my personal clerk; you must - 10 We
Devil" sayed he. Il
And thus he was destined through al Of his s
(e, Ly this spirit tormented 10 be; IN hunger {
nd poverty, s9rrow and strife, always close toye
,eyll was he. Ii
Ye Editor uled. But % Dega litd on! =
nd We force of lfe's habits we see; for ye Ed
,r's breath sooner was gone, than straight to
e Devil went he.