Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-04

The fastest time on recOrd-that
made by the Duchess of Edinburgh.
You can buy alligators five feet
long at Perry, Georgia, for 81 apiece;
but emigration thither has not set
in on that account.
The reason why dying men make
their wills and women neglect to,
is attributed to the fact that women
have had theirs all through life.
The Havilah Miner says: "They
sock ct tn UNI up in CerrO GOrdo,
the price for shooting two men
being the magnificent sum of $50"
In a recent trial In San Franciso a
witness testified that it was a COM
mon thing for the old settlers to
drink forty to fifty times before eat
ing breakfast,
The most untalkative person sell
dom fails to make a few remarks
when with bare feet he steps on car
pet tacks at woO'clock in the morn
ing.
The police of Charleston are de-
scribed a amiable looking lOungers,
dressed In blue sack-coats, blue
pants with a white stripe, and Pam
anna hats with long black streamers.
The st. Peter (Minnesota) Irib-
une says the giantess with the Great
Eastern circus, weighing 712
subscribes for one paper in every
town she visits. She wears a pam
nier.
The compositor who made Gener-
al Buffers inflammation of the bowels
read "inf1ation of the bowels
should rely more upon the individu-
al words and less upon the context.
- Worcester Press.
One C: the jurors drawn i'm Trini-
dad for the next term Of court, has,
according to the Enterprise, just
finished q term i'm the penitentiary.
We may presume that he has re-
formed.
Robert ToombS says he does not
wish to go to Congress. He only
wants to be let alone. He has no
desire even to call over the names
of the members of his family on
Bunker Hill.
A California editor bragS of an
enormous egg that has been 'Iaid
upon his table," and triumphantly
asks: "NhO can beat it 70" His ri
va! replies? "If you will send it
around to our house, our wife will
try"
A grave digger, walking i'm the
streets of a country town, the other
day, CHANGED to turn, and noticed
two doctors walking beside him.
He stopped till they passed, and
then followed on behind them.
"And why this ?" said they. ~
know my place in this procession"
said he.
The postmaster of Marysville has
been afflicted with the following /:
dear Sir Want too kno IF there is
eny wOne By the name off benoist
that gets there male of you and lift
There is j wont you Too send me
there addres lift you plese Frank ben
DIST cedar falls iowa"
In Austin, Nevada, the boys en-
joy the privilege of swimming in
the reservoir which supplies the
town with drinking water; and al
luding to this fact the "Reveille"
very complacently observes: otis
all the same; boy does not affect
the water to any appreciable ex-
tent"
A boy, six years old, having been
much lectured by his father on the
babyishness of crying when any
calamity happened, cheered the pa
ternal heart, the other morning, by
saying: "Harry Bolton cried nearly
all day. cause his father died; but
if you should die, pa, 1 wouldn't cry
a bit"
Recently a Piute Indian shot and
killed a Chinaman near Genoa, Ne
vada. The sheriff, when arresting
the slayer, remarked he would prob
ably have the pleasure of hanging
him. "Oh no." replied the noble
red "no hang Injun. Me heap a
pay for him-me got horse"
Uncle Ebenezer Longbow, of Sc
cor's Corners, was i'm the habit of
telling tough exaggerated yarns. He
said that last summer while out q
moving on hay he seed a fox,
chased him, and both leaped over
a stone fence into a bank of. snow
where he caught him. Uncle Eb
got called up in church for the
habit, and made this confession
before the congregation: "My breth-
rem, l am sorry that 1 have fallen
into the practice of telling more nor
the truth, and / have shed hogs
heads of tears over it myself" Eds
brother when he heard him go on
this way wOrs. nor ever" said when
he got out he came as near swear
ing as the Methodist discipline
would allowable Mdhopao Her
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