Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-06-19

over him, but he'd drink and drink
SO long as he'd got a cent left.
Well, | hadn't seen the doctor since
the war, and was really 2 nd to see
him again, He was looking very
bad, and was pretty well used up.
He sat down and told me what
streak of bad luck he'd had, and he
wanted to know if | could get him
job. Now, you see, l wanted to help
him along for the sake Of old times,
but the more thought, the less !
could see my way. All of a sudden
! happened to think about the en-
balming business, and l says to him,
"Havc you done any cmbalming
latcly?" "No" says he, ''for the rea-
son that deceased corpscs allarc bur
ricd nowadays. only wish could
get one that the friends wanted to
preserve says he, ''by gosh'' says l
Il can give you Il job now, right off,
cmbalming my wife. She's laid out
up stairs at this very minute"
'"Donc,," says the doctor. ".And I'll
make the prcttiest job out of her you
ever saw yet
You see | wanted to put little
money in an old friends pocket, and
then l calculated the job would
cost Il good deal less than regular
funeral. The coffin would naturally
be Il dead loss, since it had been or
dered, and as it wouldn't fit any Of
the children, who were small enough
to roll all around in it, / couldn't put
it to any profitable use. Still em-
balming her was cheaper than bury
ing her, so | told the doctor to 60
ahead and do his best.
Well it turned out us handsome a
corpse as ever saw. was real
proud of it. Her features were nat
ural, though she was SO well done
that she sounded just like piece of
stonework when you tapped her with
Il hammer or anything like that. |
paid the doctor $40, and he went
away contcnted, and took my wife
and set her up in the dinning-room
just between the windows.
Here my troubles began. The
neighbors began to find fault, and
said that | showed sad want Of
feeling in setting her up in the dim
ning-room and showing her to every
body that came in. | couldn't con-
vince them to the contrary, and so
for the sake ofavoiding strife and con-
tcntion, | moved her into the back
hall after some Of the young men had
begun to talk about getting up Il sub
scription to buy gallon of tar.
Things went along well enough
for while, when one day | found
that the children had got her into
the back yard, under tent, and was
exhibiting her for cent Il sight to all
the children in the town. l Just con-
fiscatcd the money and gave my boys
Il good thrashing. "Spoil Il spare
child with the rod" says Solomon,
"and when he is old he wont depart
from it." That's always my motto,
and try to live up to it. put her
in the spare chamber this time and
locked her in. That light heard a
tremendous fall upstairs, and in the
morning there was my wife fallen
over into the w;lshstand and all the
crockery smashed to pieces. She'd
broke off her nose and one ear be-
sides, and do my best | could not
stick them on again with glue or any
thing. She always did stand very
ticklish, and | often regretted that |
hadcn't asked the doctor to run Il
pound or two Of lead i'll her feet ust
to keep her right side up.
After this | slowed her up i'll the
garnet, but | couldn't get Il hired
girl to stay in the place on account
other. | thought one time I'd trade
her to Barnum, but happening to
mention it to some of the folks in
town, they convinced me that it
wouldn't be wise. always did hate
disorder and violence.
The last thing did was to put her
out in the corntield last spring where
she would be useful in. keeping away
the crows, and looked real attractive
besides. But the ncighbors made
another row, and had to put her in
the barn.
I'll bury her gladly, only l split up
the coffin for tircwood, and it seems
extravagant to go and buy a coffin
for corpse that's been dead for 90
ing on three years while there are
so many charitable objects suffering
for want Of money. SO | keep hcl
out in the barn, and for what | sc,
she'll have to stay there. thought
at one time | could work her up tol
lime during our rwhitcwashing season
but writing to the doctor about it, ht
told me it was sacrilege, because
there wasn't any limestone about her
however much she might look like
it.
calculate, what with the cost O
cmbalming her, the things she''
broke by tallin over on them, the COS
OF labor Ill moving her DackWafu'
and forwards she weighs 81,
hundred weight ea>y-the embalmin:
has stood me ut least tliry dollars
| could have buried her for twent!
aud had none of this bother besides
And that's why | want to tell. yol
never to cmbaIm Il disceascd corps'
in no circumstances. Never mine
what the papers say. I've had eN
pcriencc in the business, and if
were to loose ten wives I'd bur.
them evcy one checrtully rather thar
be bothered with IN cmbalmed on'
numbering up the house and fit fo
nothing whatever.
An Obituary Editor.