The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-01-16
HUMOROUS.
"A little nonsense now and then
Is relished hv the Misest men

- ApAiShSh " hAc "A1t1s A1NA.
Could anything be neater than the
old darkey's reply to a beautiful
young lady whom he offered to lift
over a gutter, who insisted that she
was too heavy? "Lor' missus," said
he, ''I's used to lifting barrels of
A lady of the shoddy aristocracy
found, on returning from a drive,
some visiting cards on her table. She
called a servant in great haste, say
ing: John! John take these and
run quick! Them ladies has forgot
their tickets"
Uncle.-"Now, how did the moth
er of Moses hide him?' Niece.-"With
a stick"
doctor, what will cure the fever
of lover" "The chill of wedlock,
mademoiselle,'
The maa who wanted to take an
other person apart when he had some
thing to say to him, asked for the
private ear ofa friend, and was told
that priyateering was illegal.
"Say, Sambo, did you eber see de
Catskill Mountains?' "No, neber
did: but / have seen them kill mice"
"Yaw, yaw."
"GoOd morning" said a COMPOST
tor to the head Of flourishing fam
lily; shave you any daughters who
would make good type settersi" "No,
but have a wife that would make
a very good devil"
What was you brought up onp
asked a rough Western Judge Of a
lean and lank eulprit. Brought up
on a charge of vagrancy, [ believe,
your, honor
Fellow travellers, said colored
preacher, 'ef I had been eatin' dried
apples for a week, an den took to
drinken for a monf, l couldn't feel
far more swellsd up dan [ am dis
minnit wild pride an vanity al seeiR'
such full tendance har dis evenin'.'
Young lady named Fry, at Logans-
port, was rescued from drowning, the
other day, and sent the young man
quarts of bUtternats as a token of
appreciation.
A boy was passing the cars of the
Erie Railroad the other morning with
an illustrated copy of Nothing to
Wear A lady remarked, 4 suppose
that takes of the ladies?' No. said
q gentleman, it takes off their dress
es.' Then rejoined the lady, it is
quite proper that STRIPPING should
sell it.
Hereafter don't ask a prisoner,
Are you guilty or not guilty? Let
the question be, Have you or have
you not any rich relations?
When bit of ostrich feather is
found by 3 wife in her husbands
beard no one can blame her foI be-
ing do,cn on him.
Cannibalism fourishes in America.
Here, for instance, is an advertise
ment for good girl to cook.
Smith can't see why his wife
should object to his staying at the
club so late, simply because he said
when he came home the other night,
My dear it's the coolest year for
many nights; at fifteen degrees past
ten, the clock stood sixteen minutes
below freezo.
james Jenkins, said school
master to his pupil, "what is an
aVerager "a thing sir answered the
scholar, promptly, shat hens lay
eggs on "Why do you say that,
you silly boy? replied the peda-
gogne. because, SIR said the youth,
~ heard a gentleman say the other
day as a hen would lay, on an aver
age, 3 hundred and twenty eggs q
year.
"That bed is not long enough for
me-" said a tall gruf Englishmsn, Or
being ushered into his bedroom by
an Irish waiter at one Of our hotels.
Faith, an you'll find it's plenty long
enough, sir, when you get into it, :"
was the reply, "for then tbere'll be
two more feet added to it."
Il don't believe much in the Bible,'
said collegian to an old Quaker.
Does thee believe in FranceP Yes,
l do. lnever saw it, bat have plen-
ty of proof that there is such coun-
try Then thee does not believe
anything unless thee or reliable
friends have seen itT No, be sure I
won't did thee ever see thy own
brainsT NO Did thee ever know
anybody that has seen thy brainsf'
NO. Does thee believe thee has any
brainsp
A most excellent artist in Buffalo
had sign, Adam Good, brass foun-
der A countrymsn coming to mar
ket through it s very strange sign
an impious sign-for he read it, "A
dam good brass founder Singulsrly
enough his wifJ was named Eve
A little Sunday School boy, while
reading chapter in Genesis, asked
his teacher whether the boys of old
en- time used to do their sums on the
ground. 1t was discovered that he
had been reading the passage, And
the sons of men multiplied upon the
face of the earth
A chiropodist announces on his
cards that he has removed corns
from several Of the crowned heads of
E9ugpF.'
The average ofwinter wheat sown
the present season, compared with
that of the previous year, shows an
increase in Illinois, Missouri, Kan
sas, Ohio, Indiana, and Tennessee,
averaging 10Y per cent
A correspondent of the Science of
Health recommends listening to
ones own snoring as an efficaciOus
method of inducing a good sound
sleep
A wealthy Englishman wishing to
be the author of a book, wrote to
Dumas, the famous French novelist,
to know if he would agree to write q
book for a certain sum of money,
which the Englishman was to pay
on condition that Dumas would let
the book he printed as the work OF
the Englishman. Dumas replied: {:
"The Scripture saith, Thou sEalt