The Rutland daily globe. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1873-1877, 1874-04-20

NNui III tne CiuTCllj sui UnOtncr protested
against so unseemly an exhibition. Mrs.
Diana Sharp sent him Matchmaking letter
demanding $500, with the alternative of ex-
posture. And so on almost ad infnitum.
Another great source of complaint was
pastoral visitations. If the pastor stopped
minute longer at the house of one MEM
Der of his congregation than at the DOM
icile of another, he was open to censurc.
If he kissed the children of one of his flock
with u shadow of affection more ardent
than those of another, he was liable to mis-
construction. But the browning misery
was family frayer-meeting on week
day. Nine church-members out of ten
hated prayers on a secular day, because of
family distractions, which the speaker pro
ccoded to describe in most ludcrous fash
ion. The question was, to pray, or not to
pray. If he prayed, he made the house
wife angry and bred confusion in the fam
lily; if he did not pray, that same excellent
woman would bell his want of religious
fervency all through the neghborhood, and
thus was he always on the horns of d-
lcmma.
He had no doubt that some of his au-
dencc came there in expectation of his say
ing
SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT DEAcoNs,
and they should not be disappointed.
Dcacons were the most prcsumptuous per-
sons in the world. A deacon knew more
about salvation, after II weeks experience
in the office, than the pastor of his church,
who had given years to the study of the
ology. They were like the absurd char
acters in the ''AIidsummcr's Night Dream"
He had never heard the nurses in hos
pital dictate to the doctor the kind of med
icines they were to give the patients; he
had never known of bail1s in court
room dict ting to the judge on the bench
the form of his decision; he had never read
of the corporals of an army getting togcth-
or and suggesting to the eommander-n-
chief the plan of campaign; but church.
deacon can be hardly warm in his seat be-
fore he rushes breathlcss to his pastor and
hurls at him this prodigious and CHASTITY
sentence; Sir! you had better resign
resign at oncer' No deacon could consider
himself in good stanling until he had per-
formed this solemn and heroic duty.
Laughter and cheers. Like federal of
ficc-hoders. deacons never resigned, and
seldom died. Shouts of laughter. An
other thing about these dcacons was, that
every one of them who had a daughter
thought it his first duty to have her married
to the pastor More laughter. The great
trouble was that said daughter was rarely
eligible. Worse than that, she was gen.
orally seven feet long, had asthma, false
teeth and no beau since she was sixteen
Now, there was Deacon Portly- pulled up,
rcd face. without education, not even
wealthy, and he had a daughter, she was
built like her father weighed one hundred
and eighty, had warts on her hands, false
teeth, and was generally repulsve. She
was called Maggie, because her name was
Margaret. Laughter
Mr.. Mccarthy then related supposition-
al story, wherein the deacon was made to
offer in marriage to the pastor, called Mr..
Brightly, who was in love with
beautiful blonde five hundred miles
away, CHS scrub of daughter"
lie did not know how he could part with that
dear, dear girl-"Maggic" The ghastly
going to be married to this awful NO.
man against his instincts and his will, SO he
advised the old man, ifhis charming daugh-
ter was so precious, to "hod on to her."
Laughter and applause. But the deacon
took care to have revenue for the slight.
He took occasion to insinuate' charges
against the pastor for "damnable heresy,"
obscenity, and other crimes. Then, wheE
the pastor is going east to marry "Blanche,"
OF whom a very beautiful picture was
drawn-the deacons were called together,
the pastor was arraigned on Charges his
resignation was handed in, the
engagement with the beautiful blonde
was broken off, and Portly was
happy man. Then followed temporary
reconciliation until other causes of trouble,
from other deacons, arose.
The speaker then entered into an etymol-
ogical consideration OF the word deacon"
He thought that the original wording of the
vulgar phrase ego to the dickens" was ''go
to the deacons" Laughter. No person
could read the word "daconal" without
thinking of ''diaboical." But the Greek
of the word was more convincing STILL In
that language deacon was "diaconos," and
cevl was 'diabolos"--a palpable corruption.
lGreat applause sand laughter. He coul
time. He stood behind the bury figure of
the famous Mr. Sturgeon, who had put for
ward the following aphorism; IF you re-
sist the devil he will fly from you; ifyou re-
sist a deacon he will at you
HAPPY MOMENTS.
He would state it as positive fact that in
nineteen out of twenty cases the pastor was
deposed not so much for failure as for sue
cess. After revival very often came Il re-
moval.
One of the happiest momentum fact the
only happy momentum the life of an aver
age Baptist minister was when lie was called
upon to go to a council and try brother.
There was never any fear of council be-
ing unattended. No. A Baptist minister
would disappoint his sweetheart, forgetIto
collect marriage fee, or fail to attend the
funeral of his very worst and toughest dea-
con, rather than fail to sit in council and
say of his accused brother IF he is inno-
cent, l can't see it; if he is guilty, let US
cast him into outer darkness, where there
is weeping and crashing of teeth SEN
saton
AT this point of his discourse, Mr. McCur-
thy showed his capabilities as comedian
by burlesquing Baptist council and read
ing suppositional charges in blank One of
these was where a brother had asked him
whether he would like to marry pretty
woman, and where he had answered
YOU'D better believe would " Applause
and laughter
The rest of the council proceedings were
transacted in very lively manner, and the |
speaker succeeded in winning the good feel
ing OF his audience. even though tinge OF
irreyerence ran through his remarks. Mr.
MEGA thy is very happy in his mode of de-
livery. and, as a lecturer, is undeniably
amusing.
He concluded his discourse with refer
ence TO ''the sacred dignity the ministry"
which sounded rather strangely after his |
running fire of sarcastic wit. lie sat down |
amid hurricane of cheers, and bowed his |
acknowledgements in manner that showed |
that he had felt himself to be new star in |
the American lecture field.
s.EE9E GLASS or FASHION,,
styles for April.