The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1874-12-30
THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS


THE JOSH BILLINGS PAPERS. |
Information Given.
Pankake-To your long letter ov
three pages and two postscrips, in
which yu ask me If horse trotting |
and horse racing haz improved the
breed ov horses, answer out loud,
I don't think il hax
No man kan prove to me that
the horse can pillow more land, draw
more stone to one load, ar travel
farther on less feed than he could
sixty Eve years ago.
II hs kant prove this, he kant
prove that horse racing haz been
ov any advantage to horse or to
man.
Speed that you kant use, only to
gamble with, Il the same kind ov
Improvement that marked kards
and loaded dice are over the old
I like sports ov most kinds, but
I insist upon calling them by their
right names.
Toodles.-Hash haz been abused
and prazed more than any other ov
the legitimate nourishments, and I
guess it is able to stand it az well
a. any ov them.
The Duke ov Wellington used to
call hash whats left over from
the fte yesterday"
The Baron Rothchild said ov it,
Hash has no pedigree.
Tully in one ov his orashuns
speaks thus: "Hash haz done more
hard work to advance human natur
than any other assorted nourish-
ment"
Socrates the philosopher told ov
hash, ''That it waz an end without
. means"
Mark Twain calls it '1Mistsry."
Nasty, the konfederate preacher,
informs us that "Hash IL ike faith,
the substance Of things hoped for,
and the evidence ov things not
SEEN"
Thomas Mast, tho irrepressible
carikutrist, in q picture prepared
for the late Vienna exposition, rep.
resented hash as . hydraheaded
monster, in which pork, rooster,
sheep, kodfsh, lamb, and many
other things. stuck out in battle
array.
Thomas Benton, forty years ago,
in one ov his CRATE hard money
speeches, declared that it was a
circulating medium"
George Washington, the father
ov his country, and the hero ov the
little hatchet, in one ov his festive
moments, spoke ov hash, az ''the
landlady's best holt"
Hash IL great fertilizer, and
hope will for centuries to como,
retain its holt upon the affeckshuna
and gratitude ov the people
Hash stands proudly ct the head
ov all mkt phood.
Observation-Disclosures cheese
IL German, but comes to this
country to ventilate itself. I kant
tell what it il made out ov, this il
. profound sekret, but it il the
most fragrant kompound in the
whole history of condiments.
Take good healthy onions, take
asspfedity, take kerosene oil, and
. good cized skunk, and throw
them together, and you have sum
thing in the way ov . nosegay tina,
dimly draws nigh to limberggel
cheese.
The. aroma that evolves from
this mixtur, this exotic kurd, ka1
be enjoyed hi the lover ov origina
smells, for q block and half, if tn.
wind happens to be right.
It IL little strange that man
the only creature whoze tastes ar,
supposed to be delikate, il the onl,
one who bankers for the viles
compound.
You couldn't git q goat, in hi
rigt mind to eat piece OF limberg
ger cheese, and be caught in tha
naborhood agin.
It haz been sed, bi good judges
that the goat will eat any thinl
that he kan swallow, and the,
will alwus try a thing three time
before they will give it up.
Barnabus-I send bi to day
post the following sayings for you
album; I hope they will meet you
views, and make you feel better.
"Az long az man kan escap
death he allwuss fears il.
"When it IL fair weather dom
fail to take an umbreller with yor
When it rains, do just az 70
pleaze about it
IN. Ban old Shaker told m
this long ago.
"Wine quite often makes . ma
CRATE bore, and when it duz, b
il the most nauseating dose we ar
obliged to take.
ssThe "ded sure thing" IL wins
has alwuss beat the world.
81 never knu man who allwui
lived hi taking the chances b,
but when he cum to die had to /
buried at sumbuddy else's expens
"Whisky makes a CRATE MEM
wize men to-day and phools t
morrow.
knowing men understand tn
whisky amt judgment.
"Most every body thinks tn
they are ov CRATE consequence
this world, but the fact IL tn
when the most ov them cam to d
they slip out ov life a. noislees
q rat into biz hole, an nobodc
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