The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1874-02-18
How . Woman Splits Wood, |,
BY II. QUAD.

had heen Te"uceH 10 one Old chunk.
but he caught the panic down town
and failed to send up a replenishiur
load. Just before noon Mrs. Robinson
hunted up the TX and went for the
lone chunk. She knew that woman
could split wood as well as man; she
had read and heard about woman's
avkwardness; but she knew twas all
nonsense.
She spit or her hands and raised thc
ax over her left shoulder, right hand
lowest down on the handle. She made
4 terrific blow, and the AK went into
the ground and she fell over the chunk.
She got up and looked all around to
see if anybody was watching, rubbed
her elbnws and then took up the ak
the other way. She meant to strike
the stick plumb center, but she forgot
the clothes line above her head and
the AK caught it, jerked up and down,
and Mrs. Robinson went over the ash
heap. She rose up with less conf
dence in her eye, and the boys playing
in the alley heard some one softly say
"Darn it to Texas ~ but of course il
wasn't Mrs. Robinson. She might
lave moved the stick little, but che
didn't. She went in and got chair
and stood upon it to take down the
clothes-line, then she coiled it up and
hung it in the shed and came back and
surveyed the chunk and turned it over
and walked around it.
The clothes-line was to blame, and
now there vas nothing to interfere.
She got the AK, raised it once or twice.
and finally gave an awful blow. 1t
Clipped off silver and was buried in
the ground, and the knob on the han
die knocked the breath ont of her.
She gasped and coughed and jumped
up aud down, and the boys heard some
one say: ''If | had that man here I'd
mop the ground with him, would y
After a while she grew calmer and
picked mp the AK to see if she had in
iartd it. She hadn't, and she smooth
ed down the handle, spit on the edge
and finally went in and got rind and
creased it, suddenly remembering that
no AK was worth cent without groas-
,ing. By and by she was ready. She
sat the chunk on end, put stone be-
hind it aud then surveyed it from all
sides. She had it now just where she
wanted it. She looked all around to
see if any of the meddling neighbors
were looking. and then she raised the
Ak. She would hit the stick just in the
center and lay it open at a blow. She
pnt out one foot, drew a long breath,
aud then brought down the AK with
''Ha" Just as she had seen Robinson
do. The AK went off the handle and
the handle struck the stick, SO did
Mrs. Robinson. She saw forty thou
sand stars to the square foot, her nose
was "barked" and several teeth were
loosened until they seemed half an
inch too long.
When she rose up she determined to
butcher Robinson the moment he ap-
peared. Then she concluded she
would not kill him at once, but torture
him to death and be two days about it.
After getting into the house and put.
ting a sticking plaster on her knee and
some lard on her elbow, she concluded
to only wound Robinson in the should
er with the butcher knife. "a
After pinning up the tear in her
dress and getting a piece of court plas-
ter for her nose, she went and Dor
rOwed some WOOD, and hearing while
on the way home, that Mrs. Prindle
suspected that Miss Spindle was going
to wear last years cloak through an
other winter, the good woman conclu-
ded to let Robinson off entirely and
tell him that she hurt her nose falling
down the cellar Our Fireside
Friend.