davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05
BUDGET Of FUN.


yery fast indeed--Swift.
Worn on the hcad-Hood.
lady's garment-Spcncer,
4 slang Observation-Disclosures.
An interesting paln-Akenside.
Belongs to Il monastery-Abbott.
Pilgrims kneel to kiss him-Pope.
A young domestic animal-Lamb
The value of the word -Wordsworth.
70 agtate n weapon-Shakespeare.
\ sick place of worship-Church-ill
Vital part Of the human body
Make amends for others-Makepeaoe.
barrier built by an edible-Cornwall
4 worker in precious metals-Goldsmith
What an oyster is apt to be-Shelly.
Small talk and large weight-Chattcrton
An American Manufacturing town-Lo|cll
Humpbackcd, but not deformed-C Camp
cant describe its pains and siings-
rms.
Roast beef, what are you doing ?-Brown'
"A disasreeable fellow at ones foot-Bun.
A French proposition and an enemy-De
IAN officer in an English university -Proc.
Brighter and smarter than any ones
arks
One who is more than sandy shore
echer
What are you apt to do when sleepy =
fcss-cOt.
A lions home is place without water
Fyden.
Depicts the dwellings of civilized men
.olmes
A chain of hills containing a dark treasure
|Colerdge.
A fraction in currency and the height of
shion-Milton.
Which is the greater poet, Shakespeare or
Ilbber willis.
Not one OF the points of the compass, but
|clines TO it-South-ey.
A ten.footer, whose name begins with fifty
|L-ongfellow.
A common domestic animal, and what it
|nnot do-Cow.per.
A well-known game, and a male of the hui
an species-Tenny- son.
What rough man said to his son when
aching him to eat properly-Chaucer
All is youthful, you see, but 'twixt you and
lie, he was never much OF a Chicken-IO Dung.
Each human hair in turn It's said
Will turn to him tho he be dead-Grcy.
Mamma is in good health, my child,
And thus she named the poet mild-Moth-
E-well-Ne,c York. Express.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

How far pure cheek" will carry man
was instanced the other day in Boston, where
an enterprising, business looking fellow
drove up to the public library, borrowed a
hammer and chisel from some workmen,
worked for several hours removing the cop
per lightning rods from the building, and
then, putting them in his wagon, quietly
drove off No one suspected but that lie was
acting by authority until it was discovered,
too late, that he had simply perperated a
bold and auaacious robbery.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

SCENE IN PEACEJUBuEE COLISEUM Eng
lisnman, German, Frenchman and Yankee
trying to outbrag each other Frenchman
said he had been taken before the war; for
Napoleon; Englishman affirmed that he was
frequently mistaken for His X, III. Prince Al
bert; while the German as stOutly insisted
that it was no unusual thing for him to be sa-
luted as the Emperor William III. Pooh
said the Yankee that's nothing. Why no
longer age than yesterday man met me on
the street, and, slapping me on the back, ex-
claimed: Good L0r9i is that you?
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Two soldiers were heard conversing during
the Mexican war. What brought you here !:
To tell the truth, love of adventure. | have
no family ties and enlisted because | wanted
to see some fighting 'Alasn said the other,
1 an a married man, and | came here for eX-
acty the opposite reason--I wanted to see
some peace
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

A couple of members of the darkey con
ference, were passing down the avenue wher
one trod on the indigestible portion of pear
and as his No. IFS went up the rest of hi:
being was cerrespondingly lowered. 'Kiyah
Brubber Jones, is you falling from grace ?
deacon, Use settin' on de ragged edge OBJ di.
pear
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

y youth who attended a Scotch revival
meeting for the fun of the thing, ironically
inquired OF the Observation-Disclosures he could
work miracle or not" The young mans
curiosity was fully satisfied by the minister
kicking him out of the church, with the NAL
edicion, We cannot work miracles, but we
can cast out devils
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

NY dear, said husband to his wife. I'm
going to start Il coffee plantation Howl
you get the land? oh, there's no trouble
about that always have plenty Of coffee
grounds in my cup
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Beecher thinks the wickedest thing in the
world is to thump Il child on the head. This
is undoubtedly true The best way to pun
ish child is to pour hot beeswaX down its
back
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

As river boat was loading at a landing on
the Mississippi river large gray mule re-
fused to go on board The mate sung out to
a deck-hand: Twist his tail and he'll come.
Like Casabianca, that deck-hand obeyed or
ders, and, like CasabiancN, he nObly died.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

\ Pennsylvania seven year-old was re
proved lately for playing out of doors will
boys; she was too big for that now. Blu
with all imaginable innocence she replied
Why, grandma, the bigger we grow the bet
ter we like EN- Grandma took time Il
think
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

A Justice Of the peace in Cincinnati had be,
come so imbued with the routine Of his Office,
that in concluding marriage ceremony the
other evening, he substituted for the usual
formula: 'Youwillnow stand committed I'M
til fine and costs are paid
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Have you got much fish in your bag?' ask
ed person of Il fisherman. Yes, there's a
rood eel in it. was the rather slippery reply.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

The drum.major who ran away from Chick
amauga, when reproached with cOwardice,
remarked: I'D rather be a coward all my
life than corpse fifteen minutes.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

A counryman bargained with a California
photographer for a halflength picture of
himself al half price, and when the artist de-
lvered fine view of his subject from the
waistband down, the victimized sitter in
dulged.i in remarks more iorcible than polite.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

They have an advanced way Of Furnishing
drunkenness in Burmah. The drunkard is
paraded through the streets by the State min
listers, who read the crime at the street cor
ners, and lash him with thongs. He is then
taken 10 the high court and logged more Sc
vorely, and then sent home. If he is found
guilty second time he Is treated in the
same way and then banished from the cOun-
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

TO what sect or fraternity do you think
belongn asked a fop of lady. To the il
sect fraternity was the reply.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

(SceEc, stout old gentleman and his wife
gazing at their children, pair of twins, who
are encircled in each others arms in the
cradle.
DO look at them, husband; amt they q
precious pair of ldmbs9
Husband-(Very innocently.) If they are
precious pair OF lambs, pray tell me, iovc,
what am ~
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Is them common dog sassage:' inquired
venerable looking lady, as she surveyed
bunch of bananas over her spectacles tn
other day.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

SO you are taking lessons in drawing, Sa
lie" Yes, and the the teacher says | am a
apt pupil, as draw more differences, insinr
atons, admirers, and allowances than any i
the academy.'
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Joshua said Quiz's landlady 10 her hope
iul, at breakfast yesterday; Joshur. what is an
heir apparent" There's one on the butter
mother, replied the untillal youngster And
the old lady lit upon him with the cofiee-pot
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

A correspondent asks us the best way I
cure hams, but forgets to tells US what all
his hams.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

An erring husband, who had exhausted all
explanations for late hours, and had no spol-
ogy ready, recently slipped into the house at
one O'Clock very softly, denuded himself gent
", and began rocking the cradle by the bed.
side, rs If he had been awakened out Of 4
sound sleep by infantile cries. He had
rocked away for about five minutes, when
Mary Jane. who had silently observed the
whole manuuvrc, said, Come 10 bed, you
fool, you! the baby amt there
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

can always tell water When see it, r.
marked Toddyblossom the other day;
looks so much like GIN
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

An old lady, hearing somebody say tn
mails were irregular, said; 1T was just S
in my young days-no trusting any OF en-.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Pa, what is a green grocer One who
who trusts, my SON.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

AN INGENIUs ApPEAI--The captain of
|ertain British trigate, IA Ian OF undaunte
bravery, had natural antipathy to cat.
|ailor, who, for some misconduct had bee
ordered flogging, saved his back by pre-
|enting to his captain the following petition
by your hopor's command
A culprit stand
An example to all the ships crews
am pinioned and stript,
And condemned to be whipt;
and if | am logged It's my due.
a cat, am told,
In adherence you hold;
Tour honor's avcrsonsis mine;
If a cat with one tail
Makes your stout heart to fdl',
., save me from one that has nine.'
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

LITTLE Folks DICTIoNARY.-A writer in
be .Sch0olday Kagaztne has gathered together
he following dictionary words as defined by
britain small people here and there:
Back. biter-A flea.
Bed-time-Shut-eye-ti
Dust-Mud with the juice all squeezed out
Fan-A thing to brush the warm off with
Fins-A tish's wings.
Ice-Water that stayed out in the cold and
rent to sleep.
Monkey-A very little boy with tail.
Nestegg-The egg the old hen measures
" to make new ones.
Pig-A hogs little boy.
Salt-What makes your potato taste
lad when you don't put any on.
Snoring-Letting off sleep.
Snow-Rain all popped out white.
Stars-The moons eggs.
Wakeiulness-Eyes all the time coming
A Small Observation-Disclosures.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Seldom was destroyed because it was Sc
dom wicked.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Fellow trabelers,' said colored preacher
'et had been ea,in' dried apples Tor a week
and den took to drinkin' for mont, cOuldn',
feel mo- swelld up dan 1 am dis mint wild
pride an vanity at seem such full 'ieudarces
bar dis eveninm
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

An Ohio jury were out thirty'nine hours OF
q live dollar dog case and then couldn't agree
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

The other night /. S Calklns heard noise
n his coal house He seized revolver and
with couple of friends surrounded the shed,
and rushing in seized hold of person in the
very act of filling sack with Jumps. He
dragged it to the door, when it cried out
Foe God, INSTR Calkins! if you wants any
thing o. me, shut de do 1t was an old col
ored woman, and Calkins, after telling her
that all he wanted of her was to stop stealing
his coal, put her out, locked the door, and
Joined his friends who hain't got through
laughing at him yet-El Pds0 Journal.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

ORIENTAL DIET.-Many of the rich ccile
planters in Java live ON coffee grounds.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

The best shot ever heard of has been made
in Calais, Me, where "a gentleman fired, in
midnight darkness, at the bark of a dog, and
! the next morning found the animal dead the
bullet having hit him in the throat.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

MET HIS FATE-A New Orleans Judge
|iding in the cars recently, from single
Elance at the counttnanCc of lady by his
Eide imagined he knew her, and veDtured to
remark that the day was pleasant. She only
answered:
Yes
why CO you wear a vell:
Lest | attract attention
1t is the province of gentlemen to adj.
|nire,' replied the gallant man Of law.
Not when they are married
But am not
Indeed
oh, no; I'm bachelor
The lady quietly removed her veil, disclos.
ing to the astonished magistrate the face of
his mother-in-law.
He has been a raving maniac ever since.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Paddy's description # Il fiddle cannot be
beat: II was the shape %. turkey, and the
size Of goose. He turned it over on its
belly and rubbed is back with stick, and
och, by Saiu, Patrick, how II did squeaL'
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

\ teacher, questioning little boys aboutthe
gradation IN the scale Of being, asked, What
comes next to the man: whcreupon q little
shaver promptly shouted, His shirt, ma'am -
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

How many powers are tht.e, ,3SAn: Ten
Name them steam power, horse power,
water power, man power, dog power, Powers
Greek Slave, temporal power, spiritual pow.
e, foreign powers and power Of attorney
Elcht-cO up % lie foot.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-05

Ia the way OF Blacksulrh!uc Wood Work. Sc promptly
and chespy done. Orders abroad d,Iytfel on board
cars OF canal boat tree ofcha.Ee. -
July (6th 1855. JOHN vETTE
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29
CHROMOS AND CREATURES.

AN UNsOPIIsTICATED MoUNTAINEER
SENDS US SPECIMEN cHRoMo WITH
A APUNGENT CRITICISM ON NEW YORK
CaRoMes AND CREATURES.
To the Editor OF the Morristown Gazette:
/ sent to New York sometime ago
for picture paper for the children,
and they sent me the thing accom-
panying this note for what they call
the premium chrome r Look at
the - thing dispassionately! Did
you ever see such q specimen of art
before? Is there some one In your
Office who can efface the wings and
substitute gun or pistol7 And the
old woman would look much more
comfortable with pipe in her mouth
The face and attitude of the angel
is exactly that of Nancy Sykes, as
we see her in Oliver Twist
The papers are filed with the TIL
ton-Beecher nastiness The police
should take the case and if he and
the lamb are guilty, give them six
time since Beecher said the South
had been robbed enough; but his
congregation went for him, and he
Immediately apologized, said he did
not mean it-that he only sloshed
over!
Tho doings of these old clerical
bucks make mighty interesting fam
lily reading Tilton. it appears, did
not consider the lamb damaged, as
he continued to live with her! 1t
reminds mo of an incident of years
ago, when the Mahomedans pitched
into the Druses and Christians, at
Mount Lebanon and Damascus. wip-
ing out about forty thousand. A
Yankee missionary wrote that the
heathens had ravished his wife and
sisters and-ruined the running gear
of q good clock He laid great stress
on the clock i SAWBoNEs.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29
MEMORIAL
To the Friends of Temperance
I'm Tennessee.

At a meeting OF the friends OF
Temperance, held in Jonesboro', the
undersigned committee was appoint
ed with instructions to communicate
with Temperance organizations
(where they EXIST and (where they
do not exist)with individuals favor
able to Temperance in the various
counties of the State and through
them endeavor to secure the elec.
tion of members to the ensuing Leg
islature, pledged to work and vote
for the passage OF o "t0caE option
liquor law during its next session.
We therefore pray the lovers OF
good order and sobriety in each
county of the State TO unite In q
grand effort to elect men to the next
General assembly of the State,
pledged to give the people an op-
portunity to free themselves from
the mammoth evils of Intemperance.
We suggest that committee be ap-
pointed at once in each county
whose duty shall be to bring to pop
ular notice the views Of the different
candidates upon the subject of Tenn.
perance. especially with reference to
the passage of local option law.
A vast majority OF our people are
lovers of Temperance, and sheer JUS
tice demands that they should have
an opportunity TO be heard against O
meager minority who entail upon US
all the poverty, degradation and
misery incident TO the evils Of In
temperance.
Much good may be accomplished
by judicious legislation. Our oppor-
tunity is at hand. Our duty is plain
it is clear, and, we believe, emil
nently practicable. Let us perform
it and secure to us and our posterity
the blessings of peace and sobriety.
We make this appeal TO you in be-
half of the young men, the middle
aged men, and old men in our State,
who havo fallen victims to strong
drink i'm behalf of innocent Wo-
men and helpless children who arc
to-day pining in wretchednes and
want in thousands of drunkard' O
homes. We appeal to you in the
name Of our common humanity to
come to the rescue and let us make
one more united struggle against the
the acknowledgements.
"a Correspondence solicited, eli
ther public or private calculated to
promote the design contemplated.
70 All newspapers and Journals
OF the State are respectfully request
ed to copy this memorial.
j. i. LAMPSON, Chm.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29
INDICTMENT.
The People VS.. Railroad Corpora
fiOnS.

1.-Nearly all the railroads of the State
were built principally by State and
county aid; the balance of the cost
being furnished mainly by private
stock subscriptions among the farm
ers and others along the various
lines, and not by the capital of those
who now control the roads.
2.-This private stock which constitut-
ed only comparatively small pro-
portion of the cost Of the roads, has
passed out of the hands and control
of those who furnished even this
portion of the means to build the
roads, into the hands of the present
railroad owners, in and ont Of the
State, at about 25 cents ON the dol
lar. So that the present owners of
the roads have paid for them a uely
small per cent Of original cost; the
balance of the cost having been (and
is still being paid by the taxes Of the
people, and by the original stock
subscribers.
3.-Present owners Of the railroads of
the State by getting control of the
roads in the manner they have,
have amassed immense wealth, and
in addition to the immense amounts
annually added to the value of the
railroads, arc drawing princely salar-
les, and in many instances dividends
of from 20 to 40 per cent on their
actual outlay.
4.-Thcse railroad owners are now DIS
CRTMINATING AGAINST TIE
PEOPLE whose taxes and subsciip-
tions built the roads, and in favor of
foreigners, in their freight rates, to
such an extent as to badly cripple
the agricultural and other interests
of the State.
5.-Thcy are charging, and always have
charged, rates Of freight out of all
proportion to the actual cost of the
labor performed by them.
6.-They are charging, and always have
charged, rates Of freight greater than
their charters allow them, and bdce
thus rso1ated their charters and rendered
them subject to forfeiture.
1.-THE railroad property of the State
has been hitherto exempted from
taxation, in violation of that clause
of the constitution whicn requires
that "aH property s7tt4U be taEed accord
ing to its value"
8.-The officers in charge of these roads,
are, and have been, exercising a very
corrupting influence upon the pub
lie press, and various governmental
departments of the State, BY A
DESPICABLE SYSTEM OF DEAD
HEADISM. This system is danger
GUS in its tendencies, AND OUGHT
TO BE LEGISLATED OUT OF
EXISTENCE.
O.-These railroad corporations have
heretofore, to some extent, dictated
legislation in Tennessee. Their
power, at present rates, will soon be
such, that they will do for us, of
Tennessee, what they have already
done for the people of some other
States, dictate Through their wealthy
our legislative policy, and Through
the ballot-box and their influence on
voters,) the judicial policy of the
State.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29
Laws Relating to Newspaper
subscriptions, &c.

l. Subscribers who do not give express notice to
the contrary, considered wishing to continue
their subscription.
4 If subscribers order the iscontinuance of their
periodicals, the publishers may &C ntirue to send
them until all arrearages are paid.
3, If subscribers neglect refuse their periodi-
Gals from the office to which they are directed
they are held responsible until they have settled
their bills, and ordered them discontinued.
f. If subscribers move to other places without in
forming the publishers, and the papers sent to
the former direction, they held responsible.
g. The Courts have decided that srefusing to take
periodicals from the office, removing and leay-
ing them uncalled for, is prima facie evidence of
Intentional fraud"
use of it, whether he has ordered it or not, rs
held in law to be a subscriber.
Z. If subscribers pay in advance, they are bound
to give notice to the publisher, at the end of their
time, if they do not wish to continue taking it;
otherwise the publisher, is authorized to send it
ON, and the subscribers will be responsible I'M
till an express notice, with payment of all ar
rearss, is sent TO the publisher.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29

BEGUN AT LAsT.-The propriety
and justice of assessing every foot
of Railroad property in the State
has already been referred to In these
columns and the question has been
asked by a correspondent why such
property was not assessed In Ham
blen county. It win not great
while longer remain unexplained.
Washington county has assessed the
real estate owned by the Railroad
in Jonesboro', and Franklin county
We see has recently assessed that
portion of the Nashville, Chatta-
nooga and st. Louis Railroad oper-
ated within her limits at from $685.
900 to $4,000 per milo. and the
Tennessee Coal and Railroad Com
pany's branch to Tracy City at S16.-
600 per mile The County Court
says it will back mp the assessors
and see that its right to collect the
tax is enforced by the courts.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1874-07-29
SOUTH CAROLINA.
EXTRACT FROM A BUSINESS LETTER
CROPs-PoLITICAL AND FINANCIAL
sTATEs-A MORE HOPEFUL DAY Is

EXTRACT FROM A BUSINESS LETTER
CRoPs-PoLITICAL AND FINANCIAL
sTATUs-A MORE HOPEFUL DAY is
DAwNING.
WILLIAMSON. s. G. July 18, 1874.
To the Editor Of the Morristown GAzErrn
o That you may know the
condition Of our crops in South Car
olina, | would mention our Wheat
was over an average yield; cotton,
at this time. promising; corn, &C.,
flattering. Our people buy their sup
plies principally from Louisville and
St. Louis, for the want of connec-
ton with your Road from Morris
town. This county. Anderson, is in
good condition, financially. The
lower counties, once wealthy, are
now in q deplorable condition, polit-
icaIly as we'll as financially, yet the
prospect of reform in the State Gov
ernment, through the influence of our
Senator, Robertson, together with q
better class of Republicans, IL at this
time Frightening. We hope the day
is not far distant, as we have had,
and are still in subsection to the
most degraded and infamous State
administration, that the citizens OF
this State have ever before endured
Carpet-baggers. scalawags. thieves
and adventures make up the sum
total of our Legislature, with Q few
honorable EXCEPTIONS. Me-