River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-08-14
All Sorts of Paragraphs.
Liil'jHcott's Magazine.

rains hard.
BOSTON has woman newspaper car
rier who Isl ighty-seven years old.
PUss to Tabby-A fellow feline makes
us wondrous kind.
A CHICAGO yirago has the appropri-
ate name of Catherine He'll.
WHEN horse-cars have good conduct
ors they are never struck by lightning
NINETY TWO pound watermelons are
the pride of Augusta, Ga.
The tobacco-chewers' favorite dish
Cavendish.
ON week days you may buy your
music by the sheet on Sunday Won
have it by the choir.
A NEW style of earring is in the form
OF harp. OF course it is the harp of
ear-in.
MIR. SHERRY, of Indiana, become pale
Sherry ON being arrested for obtaining
money on a worthless draft.
THERE is nothing more calculated to
weaken boys moral character than TO
get his fishing hook fastened ON rub-
bish in the river.
WOULDN'T have left, but the people
kinder egged me on" said man who
was asked why hequit his Kansas home
in a hurry.
YOUNG in years but an old eloper."
is portion of the description of n RIM
away wife which was left at an Indian-
apolis station house.
:" HAVEN'T L right to be saucy. if I
please f" asked a young lady of an old
bachelor. " Yes, if you please, but
not If you displease," was the answer.
" Is them the common dog sassage?"
inquired a venerable looking lady, as
she surveyed a bunch of bananas over
her spectacles the other day.
The East River bridge tower on the
Brooklyn side is now 240 feet high, and
the workmen are laying the l24th
course Of masonry.
81 AM going I know | am" said d
dying Mlssissippian, land / believe | d
go easier if Jim would get down the
fiddle and play Sore-heel Sally once
more. jim did.
DELIcATELY put Customer-"I'm
afraid I'm getting little bald" OPP
orator" Well, sir, l think, sir, when
you attend public worship, if / was
You, I'd sit in the gallery. - Punch.
WHEN one of our city roughs wants
bite, says a New York paper, "and
can't get anything else, he puts ND
with nose. The human proboscis
seems to be considered great delicacy
among them"
A POLITICIAN, wishing to compliment
well to do farmer, said "You must
have begun life early to accumulate
such an estate as this ?" eyes, replied
the farmer, 81 began life when was a
mere baby"
WHAT do You know of the character
of this man ?" was asked of witness at
a police court the other day. "What
do l know of his character | know IL
TO he unbleachable, your honor" he re-
piled, with much emphasis.
THERE are now eighty-seven Protest.
ant missionaries in the Japanese empire
of these the American board has sent
twenty, the American Presbyterian
board thirteen. the Reform church
(American) eleven, the Protestant Epis-
copal eleven, the Methodist Episcopal
ten, and the Baptist union six.
A SCoTcHMAN went to a LAWYER once
for advice, and detailed the circum-
stances of the case. "Have you told
me the facts precisely as they occur.
red? ?" asked the lawyer. ooh, ave.
ser !" replied he. 81 thought Il best
TO tell you the plain firth. We can put
the lies into it yourself"
AT the funeral of his sixth wife. Mr.
b. proflered the officiating clergyman
two dollar greenback. The minister
declined il, saying he was not accng-
toned TO accept pay for such services.
Just as you say" cody replied the
mourner: "but that's Just what / have
been in the habit of paying"
TINS is the way it generally is Mrs.
Jones will remark 20 her undutiful lit
tie son Why amt you like Willie
Brown 2 Mrs. Brown will remark 10
her hopeful Why amt Won lilo
Jimmy Jones ?" The bows have lots ~
fun laughing about il, especially when
they are stealing watermelons together.
20 GRACIOUS, no r exclaimed Mrs.
Marrowfat to Mrs. Quoggs, raising her
hands and speaking in a very excited
tone. 'She was 50 i'll when her new
bonnet came home that She couldn't
get up but, dear sakes Jane, that
didn't matter nothing, for she lust nut
her hat on, and lay with her head ont
the front window the whole afternoon