davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

WHICH would you rather, that lion
eat you or a tiger? Why, you would
rather that the lion eat the tiger, of
course.
AT the last meeting of the Council at
Lansing, Mich, the folloing petition,
printed, illustrated with cuts, and
framed, was found on the clerks
table
A MAN who was about to be hanged
in Alabama, sang as he stood with the
moose about his neck 4" Oh the bright
angels are waiting for me-" Whereupon
the local editor fiendishly wrote Z" And
then the angels stirred up the fire and
looked brighter than ever"
AN old citizen of Crofton. KY, who
was troubled by owls that invaded his
hennery, got rid of them the other day.
One night he ground a scythe-blade
very keen, and split pole 20 feet long,
inserted the blade and hoisted the pole.
Owls never lit on this but once. One
gallon of owl-toes were. picked up next
morning, and the farmer has not lost
hen since.
A. d. 1900. Scene before a'cremation-
undertaker's shop, where u disconsolate
lover is awaiting results. Lover (to
undertaken y" Sir, ISIS she-inciner-
ated yet ? If so, please fill this vial with
her ashes" Undertaken" Can't do it,
young man. Orders are strict to send
'em all home to her ma so you can't
have nary ash. 3" The lover retires over
whelmed with emotion.
A YOUNG man in Indiana sues his
father for money, which the father
claims was his property. The fathers
counsel, i'll summing up the case of his
client, remarked: Twice has this
prodigal son returned to his fathers
house twice has he been received with
open arms twice for him has the fatted
calf been killed, and now he comes back
and wants the old COW"
"GoT anything for a sick man to
read ?" inquired pug-nosed boy at a
newsstand the other day. Eyes, any
thing you want-Bibles, PONIES, relig-
ious books, Christian Herald, and so
FORTH" replied the clerk. Bibles J!
echoed the boy; " do you think dads
hangel? "Gim-me lively dime novel
one with an injun sculping soldier. "
-DetrOlt Free ITeSS.
A WRITER in the Milwaukee Sentinel
deserves the respectful sympathy of all
gentlemen who give out their washing.
He says 1t is awfully annoying to
have some other fellows clothes left in
ones room by the washerwoman. Satur-
day we put an another fellows shirt,
but couldn't wear it. Although it was
ruf1led around the bottom, the sleeves
were too short to put cuffs on, and there
was no place for a collar.
WHO VAS IT?
Who vas IL broke mine gate away
Und in mine garden eat all day,
Und ON mine iower-beds roll and play?
Der Cows.
Who vas it goes mine house around
Und NIT his schnout tore up the ground,
Und never yet has seen dat Bound?
Der Hogs.
Who vas it, ven der mont goes by
Draws out der greenpacks on der schly,
Und at der gattles vinks Won eye?
Dat Bound-geeper.
Who den allows desc dings to be,
TO droube honest mems like RE,
Und leafe mine yard mitout tree?
Dose Council.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17
Correction.

The following clause has been err
roneously printed in a number of pa
pers as part of the Illinois Republican
platform:
That We are opposed to any increase in
the amount of legal-tender notes and favor
the gradual retirement of the same as the
volume of the national bank notes shall be in
creased"
1t is proper to state that the plat
form, as reported to the Convention by
the Committee on Resolutions, en-
braced this clause, but it was subse-
quently stricken out.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

\ AroLoouH-YRoM TINE SPANISH OF rarAnrK.l

An APoLo0UE-PRoM THE SPANISH OF YRIARrE.
In oden times. when-it is said
The humblest of the brute creation,
Though not In school or college bred,
Possessed the art Of conversation.
The Elephant, as chief High Priest:
OF brutes the proper censor Dl0runt
Assembled every bird and beast,
And plainly laid their faults before 'em.
Some we're Of vanity accused,
Though none by name the priest addresses),
And some their talents had abused
BY incidence and wild excuses.
And some we're charged with envious minds,
And some with foolish ostentation;
And not a few the censor finds
Convict Of wanton depreciation.
And some, the Elephant declares,
Are basey cruel and malicious
Some fail to mind their own affairs,
And most, in some respect, are vicious.
The faithful Hound, the trusty Horse,
The constant Dove, the modest Linnet,
The sermon hear without remorse;
Nay, but find deal of pleasure il It !
In brief, the best Of all the crowd
Are charmed to hear the wise protection
The others frown, or rave aloud,
Or hang their heads in deep dejectionl
The Wolf and Tiger howl in wrath
To hear the parsons faithful chiding;
The Serpent Kisses i'm his path,
The Worm goes wriggling to his hiding.
The Wasp and Hornet buzz their spite,
The Monkey Knocks with hideous grinning;
The Fox goes sneaking out of sight
To wait another chance for SHINING.
" All-well THE Elephant exclaims,
Though Ill enough We seem to bear it,
Remember, have called no names),
Whom the coat Ats may take and wear il ="
John q. Sdre, in keic York Ledger.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17
Home.

l never saw garment too fine for q
man or maid there never was a chair
too good for a cobbler, or cooper, or
king, to sit in; never a house too fine
to shelter a human head. These ele-
ments about us, the gorgeous sky, the
imperial sun, are not too good for the
human race. Elegance fits man. But
do we not value these tools of house
keeping little more than they are
worth, and sometimes mortgage home
for the mahogany we would bring into
it. had rather eat my dinner off the
head of a barrel, or dress after the
fashion of John the Baptist in the
wilderness, or sit on a block all my
life, than consume all myself before L
got to a home. and take SO much pains
with the outside that the inside was as
hollow as an empty nut. Beauty is a
great thing, but beauty of garments,
house and furniture is very tawdry
ornament compared with domestic love.
All the elegance in the world would not
make a home, and L would give more
for a spoonful of real hearty love than
for whole ship-loads of furniture and
all the gorgeousness that all the up
holsterers of the world could gather
together. -IheO. Parker.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

OCTOBER list, 1872, young lady of
Mlddletown, Conn, set about the col
lection of one million of postage stamps
in two years. Inspired by the absurd
ty of the enterprise and the impossible
ity of its accomplishment her friends
promised all sorts of things when she
achieved the million. This she rather
resented, and it set her to work with
greater determination than ever. She
is now on the last three months of the
allotted time, and has gathered over
100000 stamps. The friends who prom
ised her gifts when she had gathered a
million begin to weaken, and are in
quiring about the probable prices of
silks, ponies, phaetons, diamonds and
watches, all of which were named as
prizes to be awarded when the feat was
accomplished. To achieve the work it
will be necessary for her to gather over
1000 stamps every working day of the
two years over 160 stamps an hour for
ten hours of every one of those days
nearly three stamps minute for every
one of those hours.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17
The Economy OF Congress.

In the matter of economy the Con-
gress which has adjourned stands pre-
eminent. It's members have paid their
own postage. 1t has refused to author
ize any new land grants. 1t has re-
pealed the bill increasing salaries. 1t
has refused important subsidies. 1t
has cut down the annual expenditures
more than ttOenty-SeUen millions Of
dollars, of which the following are some
of the items:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

A CoSNEcT1cUT youngster, named
Freddy, went to his mother one even
ing and inquired, "Mother, what is q
gone sucker ?" His mother sala No
must not ask such questions but FREQ
dy persisted, and was finally sent TO
bed. to say his prayers by hlmseu,
instead of on his mothers lap, as
usual. So Freddy prayed GOD
bless papa. and mamma, and baby but,
"a for me. Use been a bad boy, and L
guess I'm a gone sucker.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

This saving Of 81, UOO,OOO is greater
than the deficiency which the terrified
Dawes predicted at the beginning of
the session. No new taxes have been
levied. And this, the reader will re-
member, is the Republican Congress,
pursuing its duty, with the assistance
of Republican President.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

WITHIN the past ten years the screw
has entirely replaced the paddle in
Transatlantic navigation, the weight of
the engine has decreased one-half, the
steam pressure has quadrupled, and the
consumption of coal has diminished
two-thirds.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17
To CoRREsPONpENTs

All communication for this paper shoula De &C
com panied by the name OF the author; not neces
sariy for publication, but as an evidence OF eooa
faith on the part OF the writer. Write only on one
side OF the paper. BE particularly careful IN CIV
ing names and dates have the letters and ngures
plain and distinct.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17

A LOUISIANA man puts two-ounce
can of nitro -glycerine inside of chicken,
losses the chicken to an alligator, and
that alligator does not trouble the
bayou any more.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-07-17
Pith and Point.

WHICH would you rather, that lion
eat you or a tiger? Why, you would
rather that the lion eat the tiger, of
course.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

The Pennsylvania Railroad authorities have
Just issued new set of rules for the govern
ment of employees. The following list will en-
phaticly commend themselves to the travelling
public
Passenger conductors must seat passengers
and see to their comfort and enjoyment as much
as possible; see that none stand on the plat
forms, OF ride on baggage, mail or express cars
put off passengers refusing to pay at the next
station not permit drunken and disorderly per-
Sons on trains, nor allow profanity.
Baggage agents and masters must handle bag
gage carefully; the former to charge for extra
weight invariably; the latter to carry only such
packages, bundles, money, &C., as the division
superintendents authorize
No tickets must be sold to persons so intoxica-
ted as to be incapable of taking care of them
selves, or who, by reason Of such condition,
might risk their lives by travelling; nor to any
one incapable of self-care.
Newsboys on trains will not be permitted to
individually importune or annoy passengers but
may announce, in low voice, at intervals not
exceeding four times in each car, the articles
offered for sale. Nor will they be permitted to
deposit their papers, books, &C., on the seats of
the cars, or on the laps of the passengers.
This last Is especially sensible. 1t ia high
time to have such a rule.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

The official figures give the Republican major
ity in Iowa about 40, 600.
Hon. D. w. Voorhees, looms up as candidate
for United States Senator from Indiana.
Minnesota elects all three Republicans to Con.
gress, instead of two Republicans and one DEM
ocrat, as heretofore reported.
The Springfield Union is convinced that pro-
hibition beat the Republicans in Massachusetts,
and third term did the business in New York.
Massachusetts has not elected Democratic
Governor before since 1899. In that year it
elected Marcus Morton, Democrat, over Edward
Everett Wing, by two majority
Hon. john W. Taylor, OF Essex, will probably
be reelected President of the State, compli-
ment to which he has fairly entitled himself by
two years of honorable service in that position.
Peterson ". j. Press.
In Michigan, Bagley, Republican, is reelected
Governor by 5000 majority. The State ticket
has an average of 1000. The Senate will have
seventeen Republicans and fifteen Democrats.
The House fifty-six Republicans and forty-four
Democrats.
The large Democratic majority in the lower
branch Of Congress is likely to hurt the chances
for the Speakefship of Gen. Banks. Had the
| majority been small, with the support of the In
dependents necessary TO their success in the Or
ganization of that body he would have been
granted the leadership, but this is not the case.
ITO the yictors belong tue spoils' is Demo-
cratic aphorism, and the struggle for the loayes
and fishes Of political Office has already begun.
more ravenous set of office seekers never was
seen. This, however may be accounted fol-
| when it is remembered that the Democrats have
not been able to get at the public crib for long
| time.-N T. Republic
| 1t has never before happened in this State
and very rarely in any other, that a governor
has been chosen representing minority party,
| with all his associates in the executive branch
and the Legislature strongly against him. II
| Mr.. CASTOR were not man universally respect
ed and commanding the confidence Of all partiei
in his purposes and his judgment, his post woult
be in danger of becoming exceedingly thorny.-
| Boston Advertiser.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11
ARomance of Portsmouth,

7. B. Aldrich, writing Of the stavers House,
Portsmouth, says " One of the romantic cpl
sodes of the place has been turned to very pretty
account by Longfellow in the last series Of The
Tales of Wayside Inn-the marriage of Gov
ernor Benning Wentworth with Martha Hilton,
sort Of second edition of King Cophetua and
the Beggar Maid. Martha Hilton was a poor
girl, whose bare feet and ankles and ecant dra-
perry when she was a child, and even after she
was in the bloom of her teens, used to scandal
lie good Dame Stayers, the innkeeper's wife
Standing one afternoon in the doorway of the
Earl OF Halifax, Dame Stavers took occasion to
demonstrate with the sleek-limbed and lightly
draped Martha, who CHANGED to be passing the
tavern, carrying pail of water, in which, as the
poet neatly says, the shifting sunbeam danced.
: You Pat you Pat = cried Mrs. Stavers, severe
ly /; why do you go looking SOP You should be
ashamed to be seen in the street. Never mind
how Hook, says Miss Martha, with merry laugh
letting slip saucy brown shoulder out Of her
dress; Il shall ride in my chariot vet ma'am
Fortunate prophecy Martha went to live as SER
want with Governor Wentworth at his mansion
at his Little Harbor, looking out to sea- Seven
years passed, and the thin slip Of GIRL who
promised to be no great beauty, had lowered in
to the loveliest Of women, with lip like cher
ny and check like rose-a lady by instinct,
one of Natures own ladies'. The Governor,
lonely widower, and not too young, fell in love
with his fair handmade. Without stating his
purpose TO any one, Governor Wentworth invited
number of friends (among others the Rev. Ar
thur Brown to dine with him at Little Harbor
on his birthday. After the dinner, which was
very elaborate one, was at an end and the
guests were discussing their tobacco pipes, Mar
tina Hilton glded into the room and stood blush
ing in front of the chimney place. She was ex-
quistiyey dressed, as you may conceive, and
wore her hair three stories high The guests
stared at each other and particularly at her, and
wondered. Then the Governor rising from his
seat,
Played slightly with hls runes, then looked down
And said unto the Rev. arthur Brown;
"1his is my birthday IL shall likewise he
My wedding day, and you shall marry me 70
=" The Rector was dumbfounded, knowing the
humble footing Martha had held in the house.
and could think Of nothing cleverer to say than
TO whom. your Excellency 2 10 thi- lady, re-
piled the Governor, taking Martha Hilton by
the hand. The Rev. Arthur Brown hesitated.
AS the Chief Magistrate of New Hampshire |
command you to marry me : erred the firm old
Governor. And so it was done, aud 70 the pretty
kitchen maid became Lady Wentworth. and did
ride in her own chariot. after all.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

The recent " hoax perpetrated by the New
York Herald reopens the question of newspaper
responsibility, and of the right of public jour
nal to wantonly trife with the feelings of the
public. There are hoaxes that are innocent, and
there are others that are not less than criminal.
When people are imposed on only to the extent
ofhaying their credulity tasked in some whimsical
fashion which does not outrage senHlbility, the
incident may be lightly passed, even if we fail
to see the humor of the attempt, but when
a labored effort is made to work
upon the emotions-and upon those emotions,
especially, which unite parent to child-the case
is gravely altered, and the perpetrator of the IN
feeling fiction should be made to understand
that he cannot carelessly wound the hearts Of
unsuspRting people. man may write de-
tailed account of On ascent of the Himalayas, Or
any other supposed inaccessible region, and de-
scribe the wonderful things he saw there and no
body will be the worse, but If the came ingenious
individual should inform us that consider
able portion of Wilmington had been swal-
lowed up by an earthquake, and should
put his information in such shape that it would
obtain credence- if only of "a portion of the
community-he would deserve to be as summar-
lily dealt with as any other author of suffering.
Just this kind of suffering the Herald occa-
stoned by its detailed account of the escape Of
the wild beasts from the menagerie In the Cen
tral Park. After describing, with shocking
detail, the carnage caused by the uncaged
beasts, the article stated that number Of the
most dangerous animals, lions and tigers
among the rest, were still at large, and roam
ing in the Park and adjacent neighborhoods.
II is easy to be wise after the event and to say
how unlikely the whole thing was, but on the
other hand let the reader imagine the mental
state of mothers whose children had left home
for school before the morning paper was read
The asserted fact was there, in the place to which
it was customary to turn for the news Of the day.
The heading of this horrible account was all
that many alarmed parents read Terror
at once filed the mind, and there was no
disposition to analyse the story, to see if it
were true or not. Out from hundreds of houses
on the instant hurried apprehensive parents,
and the anxiety and sickening dread of that
period Of suspense it is surely not possible to
characterize too strongly. 1t would be charita-
bic to allow that the author of this hoax did not
realize in advance the misery that his folly would
cause-and yet, knowing the force of words 80
eraftily used, it is difficult from another point Of
view to suppose that he could for an instant
mistake what would be the effect of the alarm
which it was 80 evidently intended to work up.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

| cheerfully give this testimony to the public that
Mrs. Fosters Blood Purifier and letter Ointment
cured me:
was aillicted for many years with disordered
blood, troublesome and Obstinate letter of the
skin and swelling OF the glands OF the neck, which
was the occasion Of prolonged suffering aud ex-
pense.
consulted eight OF the most prominent physi-
clans in the city and used their medicine long time
without receiving any permanent relief; on the
contrary getting worse, TIL finally almost despair
ing OF hope, ! was induced to try Mrs. Fosters
Blood Purifier, which was rec0mmended,to me as
being certain cure for my disease. 1t was the
turning point III my case after using two bottles
OF the Blood Purifier In connection with the letter
Ointment, the swelling ceased the eruptions tisap-
peared aud now am entirely and etfectually cured.
II further Information A desired concerning my
case, call at my residence.
THoS. SCOTT,
1890 GlaynOnt Street over 18th Street Rri,1Up
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

These are the most durable and easily adjusted
Trusses ever offered to the public. The spring Is of
the best English Steel, and completely covered with
Celuloid which protects and preserves 1t, while the
pad is of the same material.
Among the many great advantages of the Cellu-
oid Truss, which will be at once appreciated by
those who have worn Trusses, are the following:
II Ia imperYious to water.
1t Will never break or crack.
1t ia always clean.
II can be bent with the hand to any shape required
without artificial heat
II will neither rust or chafe the patient.
1t will retain the most difficult rupture with safety
and comfort.
1t need not be removed while bathing.
Its durability is beyond question.
1t is economical, for 1t Will last life time.
The heat OF the body causes no unpleasant smell
In fact with q Celuloid Truss the wearer has
comfort ease, safety, durability, adaptabiity, and
economy.
A variety Of styles of these Trusses may be found
at Fosters Drug Store, Front and West streets.
Please call and examine. Adjusments.made with
out extra charge.
Special attention shown to ladies by Mrs. Dr. Eos
ter. The gentlemen receiving their share of atten.
ton by competent man.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

The United States Marshal for Alabama. in a
letter to the Department of Justice, maintain
that the whites alone were to blame for the riot
at Eufala on election day that they began
firing on the negroes without any provocatfon,
and that while more than dozen Of the latter
we're killed, only one white mainland he an in
nocent spectator-lost his life.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

The Female Benevolent Society, a brief state
ment of whose operations is elsewhere given,
is one Of the best and most trustworthy charta-
BILE agencies in the city. The ladies' connected
with it are careful to investigate, delicately and
privately, each case, before assistance is grant
cd, and this, as all who have had any experience
knows, is most necessary step, in order to dis
tinguish between real and pretended poverty.
We recommend our readers who are able to help
relieve the certain needs Of the Winter to give
at least part of their benefactions to the Female
Benevolent Society, and feel sure that so much
at least will be put 10 good use.
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11

When the mercury hovers in the vicinity OF 90 de-
grees people become much Interested In the ther-
mOmeters and notice every variation OF the tenn
perature. An extensive variety of instruments of
this kind, at moderate prices, may be had of
Il. BRlNGHURSr Il CO.,
Corner 9Th and Market Streets
Wilmington daily commercial., 1874-11-11
French PerT,,ncry.


Casts golden-green shadows for the heneht of way-
farers and for purposes which are ornamental as well
as useful. And II. bRINGHURST Il co., what OF
them7 Why, their SODA WATER, of course; pure,
sparkling, nvig0rating, refreshing ana as cold Us
ice can make IL their rich syrups carefully pre-
pared from the juices OF the various fruits repre-
scented in combination with the best while sugar
Their medicinal waters on draught comprising those
from the High Rock, Geyser and Excelsior Springs
at Saratoga also Kissengen and Vichy Waters are
highly esteemed and In great demand The purity
OF the water, the lusciousness of the fruit and
cream syrups and the value derived from the med-
cinal spring waters are a few OF the many things
which have made their store on MARKET STREET
CORNER OF SIXTH, the most popular Of its kind
In this city.