The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1874-02-12
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

- No matter how amiable young lady may
be, fashion now demands that she shall appear
ruff1ed in public.
= Lives there man with nose so red who
never to himself hath said, "Pll pay before
60 to bed, the debt owe the printer?"
Some people don't know enough to quit
when they have said good thing, and others
don't know enough to say good thing before
they quit.
Andrew Jackson was accused of bad
spelling, but John Randolph defended him by
declaring "a man must be fool who could not
spell word more ways than one"
- 1t is averred that the reason American
girls refuse to enter domestic service is that
they object to any thing approaching menial
employment-wha they seek is hy-menial.
"You cannot taste in the dark" said q
lecturer. mature has intended US to see our
food" "Then," inquired a forward pupil,
chow about blind man at dinnerT Mature,
sir" answered the professor, "has provided
him with eye-teeth."
"A country paper excaims: "Lives there
man with soul so dead, who never to himself
has said I'll pay before so to bed, the debt
I owe the printer? Yes, there are some we
know full we'll, who never such a tale could
tell, but they, fear, will go to-well, the
place where there's no winter"
A wealthy parvenu lately gave the church
| which he attends TWO tables of stone, with the
| ten commandments engraved upon them ;
| whereupon a member of the church remarked
that his reason for giving away the COM
mandments was that he couldn't keep them.
President Mott, in his wise old age, once
took newly married couple aside, and said {:
| ri want to give you this advice my children
don't try to be happy. Happiness is a shy
| cymph, and if you chase her you will never
catch her. But just 60 quietly on and do your
duty, and she will come to you.'
| - In making mustard plaster, use no water
whatever, but mix the mustard with the white
of an egg, and the result will draw perfectly,
but will not produce blister even upon the
skin of an infant, no matter how long it is
allowed to remain upon the part.
- The San Francisco News Letter has settled
it that Isaiah was an Irishman. Its reasoning
is as follows: eve think there is internal
evidence enough to demonstrate to the satisfac-
ton of any candid reader that Isaiah was an
Irishman. Take single example Isaiah
xxxvii, 96,) And when they arose early in the
morning they were all dead corpses.' "
- Some children in Indiana were lately
excluded from public school because they
were one-sixteenth Indian, their great
grandfather having been of Indian decent.
The parents appealed, and it was decided that
the children were, in effect, colored children,
and could not be allowed to attend school with
white children. To show how opinions vary,
some Of the most distinguished families in Vir-
ginia are Indian descent, and are proud to own
Il.
- Innocent of intentional offence was the
rough Tennessee soldier, who, tired OF
campaigning after three months experience,
asked General Thomas to grant him leave of
absence, because he wanted to see his wife.
''Why, 1 have not seen mine for three years p'
was the Generals reply, intended to be
conclusive. But the hoine-sick warrior was
equal to the occasion, and reported: "Wall,
you see, me and my wife amt that kind"
"A traveller was once boasting that in his
country they generally raised ninety or one
hundred bushels of corn to the acre, and each
stalk had nine ears and was twelve feet high.
'That is nothing to the corn down here; we
have nine ears to the stalk, too, but we also
have peck of sheled corn hanging to each
tassel, and we could never raise beans with II"
"Why" said the other. Because the corn
grew so fast it always pulled up the beans"