National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1874-07-17
THE SAME OLD STORY.
THE MENAGERIE IN FULL BLAST AT
HALF PAST EIGHT.


HALF PAST EIGHT.
A crowd Of curious people congregated in
Legislative hall last evening to witness the
ridiculous performances OF a Green-red stone
coffin. Taking everything into consideration
this curiosity was never surpassed before, not
even by the celebrated What-is-it, which
amused the visitors of Barnum's museum sew
eral wears ago. It is an animated back-acting
machine, capable Of performing three distinct
parts, and is put up in the shape of human
| form. The three distinct parts vary in many
respects, but during the entertainment last
evening proved conclusiyely that they are SIM
liar in one particular-that being in the prop
critics of lunacy of which they all seemed to
be composed. Just how the parts were worked
| separately we We're unable to ascertain, as the
manager appeared to be concealed beneath the
rostrum, but the general impression was that
they were worked by invisible wires, composed
Of a fervent desire 10 get Office.
At $50 O'Clock the largest portion of the
Green machine was moved suddenly upon the
rostrum at the request of several curious spec
tators, and Immediately commenced perform
ing. If II had not been for the unintelligent
expression about the countenance, and the
brazen cheeks which adorned the same, many
Of the spectators would undoubtedly have mis-
taken Il for the human form divine. 1t was
the first exhibition of talking machine that
was ever made in this city, and the universal
impression was that II was total failure, and
that the inventor should be kindly cared for
by the asylum authorities. Still, its perform
ances were interesting. Both hands (for they
look so much like hands that nothing but an
opera glass could undeceive one) came down
on an adjoining desk with a crash, which was
Immediately followed by Q conglomerated
mass of gibberish and bad breath interspersed
with divers jigs and howls and bad English,
until the spectators requested that the machine
be removed and the Redstone be placed upon
the stand for change. Here was richness.
The Redstone pranced about like an editor
of gratis circulated newspaper, and tried TO
say something. The manager, who must have
been under the rostrum, tried in vain to make
this part of the machine work systematically.
It was no go. As soon as It struck the stage
it commenced cavorting about like bran new
lunatic away from home. In its geological
formation nature had put top on 1t which re-
sembled the human face in one or two partieu-
lars. It had q very wide mouth, but the dome
was insufhciently formed to support 1t in ex-
preston, consequently its efforts IN this respect
didn't meet the expectations of the audience,
and they Kissed until the manager was com
PEELED to take this portion of the machine off,
and his only hope now laid in the success OF
the last part, which composed the coffin. A
man of the nineteenth century is a very giddy,
lOOllsn person 70 suppose that ne can entertain
q body Of healthy men with coffin. Its all
nonsense and bosh. As this omen of death
dragged its foreboding length upon the plat
form murmur Of dissatisfaction arose from
the audience, and for some time serious trouble |
seemed imminent. !
The coffin opened its I'D aud exposed to the |
sight Of the assembled fifty a mass of dead Ian |
guage, so dead that no respectable grammar |
would recognize It as an ancestor, even of the |
remotest consanguinity. This being the last |
portion of the machine TO be exhibited, and the |
manager having totally failed with the exhibit |
ton of the others, he Struggled strenuously to |
make the ominous object a success. He pulled |
the wires violently and the coffin commenced |
to do its level best to save the reputation of
the menagerie, but the audience preferring to |
take their funerals at the proper season, filed |
out of the hail, and left the Green and-redstone
coffin in state Of selfdisgust and its manager
in bankruptcy.