Ellsworth American., 1874-08-20
Pickings and Steallngs.

-"When she gets to tiltin' better
beach'er,n is what they say in the small
boats.
Beginning of a judges charge in Iowa
- Gentlemen Of the jury, you must now
quit eating peanuts and attend to this
case
A Toledo man reckons that the re-
cent increase In the pIice of woolen rags
has added three per cent. to the valuation
of his family.
An Indianapolis paper says, ''Of course
we know that organ-grinders are nuis-
ance and should be abolished, and vet il
Is strange how much interest solid bus-
ness men and others take in the antics Of
the accompanying monkey"
The apothecaries of Lewiston are or
dering large quantities Of paregoric aud
hive syrup, in view of the coming CON-
petitive baby show to be held duriug the
State fair. So says the Journal.
A Yankee lawyer, who was pleading
the cause of a little boy, took him up in
his arms and held him to the jury, suifus-
ed In tears. This had great effect until
the opposite lawyer asked the boy What
makes you cryi' He's pinehing me-"
said the boy.
A young man walked into Norwich
book store and Inquired for Homcr's Odys-
sey The clerk, after looking throug h the
shelves and falling to find the object of
his search. said in reflective manner
We'll, we haven't any of Homer's latest
works in at present"
--''Phebe Couzns doesn't dress Ike her
brothers OF the bar" SAYS the Chicago
Tribune, by way OF commencing an item.
That's undoubtedly true; she dresses by
putting on her clothes over her head
whlethey don't; and, what's more, they
cant.
The Thusyille Herald wants to know ::
is thee anything ia the world more try
Ing 10 the soul of man than To lind that
his quarterly gas bin exceeds the highest
hgutes his prolific imagination had whi>p-
cred. les, there is. Ii l. 10 have your
wife come home from the country and find
That bi!i. and >uiil out remark to the
fleet that You said that you went to bed
early wlille she was away"
A pcnsioncr living somewhere in
Somerset County. was recently heard to
give expression to hi, grievances as fol-
lows; Il have been trying Tor a long time
TO get an ihcrea>emcnt ON my diaJiluy.
but my liars (meaning lawyers). at Au-
gusta. made my blouchers out wrong and
l halnt got cent OF II vet
Your handwriting is very bad in
deed, said gentleman Ia a youn. col
lege friend. who was more addicted TO
boating and crcketiug than to hard stndy ::
you really ought 10 learn to write bet
ter. "Ay, ay. returned the young man !;
III j. all very well for you to tell me that /:
but If were 10 write better, people would
be finding out how SPELL"
PREFERRED THE UNGoDLY TUNE AFTER
ALA gentleman had occasion to call
ON the Rev. Thomas Campbell, when he
was In Glasgow. is the domino inf'' he
inquired OF portly dame who entered the
door. Hes in the yHird, >ooperintendin'
Saunders. the carpenter. le may se, him
The moo If your business j. vera precise" 9"
Ihe gentleman walked iu;o the ward.
where he behcd cai pcntcr bri>kly plan
Ing away 10 the air of Maggie Lauder, E"
aud the domino standing by. Unwilling TO
lntrudc on their conversation he stcpp.d
aside, and heard, 'Sauncr>, | say, Can We
no bear me Yes. minister, | here We.
W hats your willt' .'Can ye no whistle
some mair solemn and godly tune while
ye're At your work." "A-wcel minister
II il be your wull. Ill cen do it Upon
which he changed the air to the Dead
March In saul greatly TO the hinderancc
OF the planning. The domino looked on for
some minutes in silence. and then SAID
"Sanner-. hae aLither word to saw til
ye. Dad the guide wife hire We by the days
darg or by the job" The day, dars was
our agreeing, master 'Tuen. ON the
Whole Sauners, think We may justas well
Sic back I" whi,tling Bonnie Maggie l.au-
der