The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-05-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

An old card playing dame, when rebuked
for her waste Of time, replied, "Ah, true,
there is deal of time lost in shutting
cards"
A Minnesota granger protests that if
dancing is to be allowed in oranges after
business 1t will kill the order in one year
He calls dancing the iowery entrance gate
to hell.
The Boston Adpertiser gives us this
''Our candidate for senator-An ent- NJ
man" You seldom find a Joke Or With
cism IN Boston paper that can be explain
ed with anything short Of eight OF ten pages
Of letter press and a dozen diagrans-
Courier Journal.
Josh Billings says 81 will state, for
the information of those who haven't had
a chance 10 lay in sekrit wisdom az freely
az ! have, that one single hornet who feels
well can break up whole camp-meeting
A company has been soliciting permis-
sion Of the Turkish Government to dredge
the port Of Rhodes to recover the bronze
guns and other things said to have been
thrown into the water at the time Of the
famous struggle between the Knights Of
st. John and the Turks under Solyman.
A German saloon keeper in Millersburg
says: "Ven l goes to mine bet ] sleeps
not goot. l dreams in mine head dat !
hears dem vemens brayin' and singing in
mine ears dot Jesus loves me. Dot bothers
me so | got right straight up and walk On
de floor and take anudder glass Of beer"
When a clergyman Of the Church of Eng
land was about to give dinner to some of
of his clerical brethren, his butler asked
whether the expected guests were High
Church or Low Church His master said.
"Why do you ask that question ~ The
butler answered 90 Because If they be
High Church we want more wine but IL
they be Low Church we want more wit
ties.
When the celebrated French chemist,
Oatila, was on one occasion a witness at a
trial for poisoning, he was asked by the
president if he could state the quantity Of
arsenic requisite to kill fly. Certainly,
Nj. le President" replied the expert but
| must know beforehand the age Of the fly,
its sex, its temperament, its condition and
habit Of body, whether married or single,
widow or maiden, widower or bachelor"
A gentleman who was trying to teach his
dog some kind of trick, lost all patience
with the canine on account Of his seeming
stupidity. Giving up the lesson and look
ing at the animal as he stood by intelligent
ly wagging his tail, he said IN a tone ~
great vexatiOn, "D-n that dog do Mt
know what to make Of him m Ill will tell
you," said friend who was present.
"Wcll, what n sand the owner Of the ami
nal, ray Of hope lighting up his face.
Sausage" was the quiet answer. And
still the owner of the dog was not satisfied.
The richest el dowments Of the mind are
temperance, prudence and fortitude Pru-
dence is a universal virtue, which enters
into the composition Of all the rest and
where she is no., fortitude loses its name
and nature.
We overhead queer thing the other
day, from the lips Of two little girls not
over nine years old. Each Of them had a
baby in her arms, when the elder Of the
two said to her companion: sally, can
you tell tip top lie n ''You bet Why Z"
says the other, ''Why, you take your baby,
and Ill take mine, and we'll go round beg
ging-you tell people We are widows"
There is revival among the colored
Methodists Of Danville, Va. At all hours
Of the day and night they can be heard
shouting either at their private ouses Or
on the streets. A female enthusiast. named
Price, stripped herself Of all but one article
of clothing, walked the house top and sat
on the chimney. One negro woman said
she had been to hell and saw Spy Ross
there, another had been "a heaven ana saw
the Saviour smoking a golden pipe There
is a similar frenzy in Petersburg, where
the white citizens in some neighborhOods
cannot sleep on account Of the continual
shouting.
The total yield Of the ice crop in Maine
for the present season, including old ice ON
hand, cannot be reckoned short Of /. 800
600 tons, and it may possibly reach 1000
900 tons. OF this amount probably 800, 600
have been sold Or bargained for at 81 per
ton, or a total Of nearly 81, 100000 This
price is a remuneratlve one; netting large
profit to owners. II the rest of the crop "a
sold at the same figure, the total amount
realized from Names ice crop will be BY
tween a 900, 900 and 3, 900, 900 Totrans-
port this product To a market will require
fleet Of not less than 5000 vessels no
carry away the product of the Kennebec
will require over 5000 vessels, ~ an aver
age Of fifteen vessels day from opening IL
the river to navigation to its close.
George Bremen, on dirt cart going to
the dumping ground, drove against West
street car and smashed panel He was
arrested, and recently tried in the special
sessions on charge Of malicious mischief.
The theory of his defense was that his
horse couldn't smash anything.
What kind of horse was he ?" asked
Justice Sherwood
''Nery pad, your Honor" replied Bre-
men.
'What was his condition n
'SchIn undt bone. He was going deadt
pooty soon"
But that doesn't explain the broken
panel"
"Nell, | telr you how dat was. IL was
going down hill-right away close Ia the
track-mit scnowbank. Ven, dc cart was
loated, undt it pushed the horse right down
dot scholope place, undt hit the car. He
vas weak horse, your Honor, undt he
couldn't holt back pOoty veil.
How much did you pay for the horse ~
Twenty dollars"
"Well, we will fine you twenty five per
cent. OF this value-hve dollars
'G0otness gracious"
The colhers in South StafFordshire and
East Worcestershire, England, have fol-
owed up the advice Of their agents, and