Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-11

Agricultural item in a Mime
apolis paper: Mort Wilkinson is
opposed to short horns, He takes at
least four fingers"
A Buffalo father has pursuaded
his bad boy to stay i'm o. nights. The
chain cost him $3.50, and the pad
lock IS cents.
A "bed-Bugg is what the Courier
Journal politely calls the gentleman
of that name who has laid abed in
Vermont for nine years. because he
is too lazy to get up.
The Indians complain at the
prevalent fashion of short hair as a
personal insult. The Peace Com
missioners should attend to this
matter at once.
Montreal merchants are kicking
against the duty on tea. Another
revolution? If so, We can lend sew
eral thousand Indians to throw the
tea overheard.
The innocent Indian peddlers
about Austin, Nevada, mix their
mushrooms with tOadstOOls The
fupgi-loving Austinites who do not
know the difference on sight, quick
ly discover there is a difference after
eating.
Poor Mellish died of madness,
brought on by deep and honest
study of the currency question.
There are not likely to be any va
cancies i'm the other House of Con-
gress from the Northwestern
States.-BostOn Globe.
The Indiana judges stand nc
nonsense from the bar. A lawyer
there lately i'm the course of his ar
gument used the word ''disparage.
ment." 'Stop using Latin words
said the judge, "or sit down." The
poor lawyer, undertaking to explain
was ruthlessly fined $50 for con-
tempt.
The people of Opelika, Ala, got
up a fine dinner for the New York
editors, who were on a visit to tina,
State the other day, but the excur.
sionists did not take in that place in
their route, and the Opelika Times
says: "All the surplus remaining
after supplying other demands will
be turned over to the Opelika edi-
tors and other destitute poor of our
city,"
Memphis, if we remember Alright,
absorbed considerable sympathy
and stamps a year ago, on account
of local affection, and, when the
trouble was over, had some $4,000
left in the treasury of her Howard
Association. And now she won't
give anything for the relief of the
Louisiana sufferers. 1t won't pay
for Memphis to have the yellow
fever again very soOn.-N Y. Mail.
A Philadelphia broker, who at
ore time was worth q quarter of a
million of dollars, is now peddling
books for a livelihood. He derives
his largest income from q thrilling
brochure entitled "a Programme
of the Philadelphia Centennial"
Persons whom he importunes to buy
a copy, promptly knock him down,
and he RECEIVERS from S. to $40 from
each of them i'm an action of assault
and battery.
Washington man proposes that
a suitable sized cannon be kept at
all dangerous river reservoirs or
dams, to give instant and general
warning of breakage, by which, as
i'm the recent calamity in Massachu-
sets, many lives and much property
might be saved. The trouble is that
when the moment came for the can
non to explode it would be found to
be loaded with black sand, duly GER
titled to as the best powder by a
County Commissioner.
The old question, Does lager in
toxicate? came before q court i'm
Dayton, Ohio, a day or two ago. A
German testified: "If you drink
five or six glasses of lager in a little
while you will feel more pleasant
as if you drink five or six glasses of
water In the same time, and if you
drink five OF six glasses of water i'm
a little while you will feel more dis
appointed as if you drink five or six
glasses of lager in the same time "
The jury were out four hours and
stood seven to five.
Yesterday morning a boy saun-
tered up to u yard on Eighth street,
where a woman was scratching the
bosom of the earth with a rake, and
leaning on the fence, said: aAre
you going around to the back yard
after awhile 2" The woman said
she didn't know ; maybe she would;
why? Because" the boy said, al
just saw the eistern lid drop on the
baby's head a minute ago, and
thought if you went round you
might lift it off," 1t is currently
reported that the woman WENT
Burlington Hawkeye.
A Council Bluffs Judge, returning
on the night express to that city,
was locked out of a sleeping car by
a self-fastening door. A pair of
drawers and a pair of stockings be-
lag too thin clothing for the night
air, he was obliged to break through
the glass of the door i'm order to re-
turn. The anathmeas used against
that self-fastening door were con-
tinued during the night, a lacerated
hand forming an Excuse for strong
language.
A Nevada City (Cal.) school-boy
has immortalized himself by the
following composition on "The
Stink ANTI" "Sum things is small
but awful stout. A Skunk can out
fife the biggest Newfoundlin Dorg.
A ant kan lift a big chunk, and bite
like a mule. A stink ant kan stick
his tail up in the are, and paw dirt
like a fitin kock if you drum him
much. A game stink ant kan make
you waltz like a dutchman. Sum
folks like stink ants, but I donte.
This is all / knO bout ants"
Rochefort was met at Riverside
by M. Frank Parmalee, who, when
he recognized Rochefort, approach
ed him and thus addressed him:
mnibustoanypartofthecity; check
Observation-Disclosures" M.
shook his head in des-
pair, and NJ. Frank Parmalee tried
again. "Iced olefeler flyer wan
ted a bagidge toated toa hotel
would dot phor three
francs" ROchefort nodded, and
with indeseribable patois answered