The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-03-19
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

For bilious complaints, says Mr..
Quilp, try greenbacks.
"A young man wants to know
how he can get into the best of So
ciety. He can most generally slide
In pretty easily on greenback or
two.
- Census Officer: "What age,
madam, shall / put down ?" Madam,
after mature reflection "What have
you put down for the lady over
head ?"
"A gentleman who has heretofore
performed the part of a wildman In
a Chicago museum, has concluded to
be tame until he gets his last months
wages.
"A Dutch Congressman remarked:
"Ven vas elected thought i would
find dem all SOlOmOns down here |;
but i found der0 was some as pick
fools here as mineself."
=" Doctor, said a thick-headed
youth to Agassiz, "yOu once said that
fish Is the proper food for men to eat
who have brain work to PERFORM
SHOW much ought eat to tone me
up properly" "AbOut two whales, I"
was the reply.
"A Pennsylvania manufacturing
establishment has begun discharging
men for telling falsehOOds. The New
York Mail thinks that this plan, II
generally carried out, would be apt
to paralyse the industries of the
country.
If II Is not work that kills men,
it's worry. Work is healthy, you can
hardly put more upon man than he
can bear. Worry is rust upon the
blade. 1t is not the revolution that
destroys the machinery, but the fric-
ton. Fear secretes acids, but love
and trust are sweet juices.
1t costs the government $S5 each
to take care of the Indians. This is
rather a liberal allowance for each
man, woman and child, especially as
they furnish their own clothing and
provisions.
1T Is said that, during one days
healthful existence, sixty hOgsheads
of pure air should enter the human
lungs. And yet we don't suppose one
man in a thousand measures the
amount of air he breathes to ascertain
II he takes in sixty hOgsheads pei
day. More attention should be giver
this matter.
Mine thousand persons attended
President MacMahOn's ball In Paris
The servents We're utterably unable
to attend to the guests, as they were
penned up i'm the corners and cOulC
90 Af (rpulSts
themselves were unable tOget further
than the stairs and vestibule5, anC
saw nothing of what was going on IL
the saloons. Dancing is said to have
been difficult.
Some useful lessons or examples
may be found I'm the most simple Oc
currences. At the Terre Haute depO
recently, an old lady attempted to ge
off while the cars were i'm notion
A gentleman standing near the doc
prevented her. "Let her CO." sale
a kind-hearted passenger; eff she get
killed it will be q warning to some
body else"
When an enthusiastic editor de
scribes bride as bOnny, and an en-
viOus cOmpOsitOr sets 1t up as bOny
as 1t was done at Jacksonville, tn,
other day, hope for a season bid
the world farewell, and freedom
shrieks as the composition falls a
his form, Drained by the brother o
the blooming bride.
We see it stated that the sim
plest kind of a burglar alarm is I,
throw newspapers loosely upon thu
stairway, and near the windows
That depends very much upon tn
kind OF papers you use. There arr
some papers that never succeed II
frightening any one, while other
make It mighty warm for all dis
honest scOundrels.
The published plan of west
ern scientist for producing rain Is Il
"elevate a copper wire by balloon
or other means, until its upper ent
reaches the Clouds" hitch the lowe
end to a railroad track, and send vi
currents of electricity. All a farme
has to do for safeguard against tn
drought is to buy balloon, tire
or four miles of copper wire, bat
terry, railroad, and some gas works