The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1874-09-02
Variety.

The Car Of Russia lights up bis ballroom viii
$4,000 candles.
Pill rollers" is the euphemistic title Detroit
bestOws upon its apOthecaries.
Silver is speech and silence is gold. Henc,
the expression IIush-money."
Why do birds in their little nests agree ?
Because they'd fall out il they didn't.
The author Ct the saying that you must al
ways take man as you fad him was con-
stable.
Bayard Taylor has secured the private CORES
pondeuce that passed between Joseph aud POtl-
phar's wife. Sly boy.
As so many articles in everyday use are manu-
factured Of piper, 1t is usked if paper beefseak
cannot be invented TO take the place Of the lealh-
er ones.
There have been twenty-nine suicides in New
York city during the last TWO months. which the
doctors regard as proof Of periodical recurrence
Of what they call the suicidal MANIA
An opponent Of the late English Premier asks
the following riddle /" / should be my FIRST to
throw my second at my whole Answer: Glad
stone
SYxPATHY.-A good deacon, making an Of
fetal visit TO dying neighbor. who was very
cburlish aud universally unpopular man, pu. The
q,e ton:
Are you willing to go. friendI"
"Oh, yes, said the sick man, am"
Well" said the supplemented deacon. " am
glad you are, for oil the ueighbors are willing
That Massachusetts, boy was chip Of the old
block whose mother told him next day was fast
and she should expect him TO keep it. i will
keep it, mother Ill eat as fast as the Governor
wants"
A student at a veterinary college being asked.
{" IT a brokeu-winded nurse were brought to you
to cure, what would you advise" promptly re-
piled, " To sell him as soon as possible"
In pool across road 10 the county of Tip
perary is stuck up pole, having affixed to it
board with this inscription: e Take notice, that
when the water is over this board The road is iul-
passable."
A genius was explaining the utility Of an In
'diaIubber ship which be was inTenting. when an
old salt exclaimed 4" No, DO, ii will never do.
An Inda-rUbber ship would rub out all ihe lines
Of latitude and Longitude to say nothing Of the
equator !"
The will Of the late General Dyer is model
for brevily and clearness. 1t is as follows: Il,
Alexander b. Dyer. Chief of Ordnance. United
States Army, reposing the utmost confidence in
my beloved wife Eliza B. Dyer. brquea,h all my
property real and personal, To her, aud Constitute
her sole executrix"
OATMEAL AND BRAINs.-A Boston savant sag,
"The mora oatmeal man eats the clearer grO~s /
bis intellect" If our neighbors would only I
adopt an oatmeal diet, we have no doubt the |
public would cheerfully contribute 10 them few .
hundred sacks Of that brain producing provender.
Murut Bastead has settled the centennial
monetary difficulty " just as easy" LIT ChiIds,
the publisher. give million or two outright.
Ben Franklin. remarks Hulstead, would do il
we're be alive and had the money Chids is as
benevolent as franklin, he is alive. and he Aas
the money. Irresistible arguments
Hundreds and thousands Of men, says Charles
Reade. take share in the country public moral
iiy, legslate build churches and die respectable,
who would be jail birds sooner or later il their
sole income was the pay Of bankers clerk. and
their eyes and hands and arms rubbed daily
agnnst huudred-pOund notes as his do.
All the qualities of woman" says Bismarck's
newspaper organ. are made to disturb and be.
wilder the factors Of political life. and TO bring
misfortune on the affairs of men !" and the same
journal warns electors against allowing their
wives 70 influence them in the casting of votes.
II strikes Us that Bismarck had better discharge
his editor-or perhaps the editor had better dis
charge Bismarck.
Two Of the edible dogs Of China are nov on
exhibition al the Geological Gardens in Paris.
If it be found easy to nccIimaizs them. it is pro-
posed TO introduce this new article OF food. The
dogs in question are small and hairless and enor-
miOusy fat. They are fed solely on vegetable
food, regime which imparis rare deieacy 10
their sesh.
The New York Sun says that " No French
Or English woman Of cultivation nowadays wears
her garters below her knees. The principal vein
of tie leg sinks there beneath the muscle, and
TaricOse veins. cold feet. and even palpitaton Of
he heat may be brought On BY tight garter
o The wrong place. Whsn it is fastened above
he knee all this pain and defOrmity may be
lvoided."
Dean STifts recipe for courtship:
Two o. three deara and three sueetE
uo g three balls. fhree rrs4ts,
Two " three serenades given a lure,
Two q three o<ths how much they endure,
Two q three messages IN day.