The Portland daily press., 1874-03-07

1ecoco from his interview with the Vice.
chancellor, that he encountered Mr.. Penlake
whose features were exuberant with jovialty,
waving, in triumph, his testamour.
LOOK here, Lecocq," he cried g look at
these autographs-very rare Talk about the
autographs of Shakespeare, Milton, Guy
Fawkes, Oliver Cromwell, and all those kind
OF people-they're nothing TO these, simply
nothing. Lecocq, l must dine-sumptuousy,
mind you-all the delicacies of the season
expense no object-7 o'clock-you under
stand"
Then, without waiting for the worthy
Frenchman's reply, Mr.. Penlake darted away,
and was soon BURIED in the recesses OF halr-
dressers' establishment, from whence he
emerged, after time, carrying a lar5lsh
brown paper parcel.
Next he wendell his way toward the estab-
lishment of we-known tailor, where ne eA-
changed his commOners Tor scholar gown
to the utter amazement of the honest traoes-
man. who. to use his own phraseoiosy,
| Alters guy Mustur Penlake credit ior pelhS
a gennelum, but not for being O. scholiaou'
The credit part ct the business was, we iear,
only too true inasmuch as our nero occupied
TO naoes and a half of large ledger, the
total being in three figures. A warm bath,
GLASS of bitters, a shampoo and a game of
billiards made up tile time to O'Clock when
Mr.. Penlake duly presented himself at the
door of M. Lecocq's establishment in the
classic High street.
Dinner, sir?" said the waiter. sYessir,
Fust pair, lett,'
Up stairs numbered Mr.. Penlake, very hun
cry indeed, and most anxious to do full JUS
tce to the best dinner in Oxford. He thought
he beard a litter on the stairs, but it didn't
disturb him. The room looked bright and
cheerful, and his feelings were those of a
man at peace with all the world except the
Junior Proctor.
"What will you drink, sir?' asked the
waiter, returning with something approach
ing grin on his features.
''Sham. Charles, sham-dry-that'l do to
begin with. And, say, Charles, look sharp"
Again litter. However, Charles rapidly
reappeared with the seductive fluid, the cork
of which he drew deliberately. Then he re-
marked, with an effort at sang troid:
m. LecOcq, sir, sorry, sir; no soup, sir.
Will you have up the salmon, sir?'
An eXpletye was on the tip of Mr.. Pen
lakes tongue, but he suppressed it, intimat-
ing that he didn't care what they brought
him so long as they didn't keep him waiting.
Clank, clank of the plates, and, presto the
salmon was on the table, and Charles ran
out OF the room, lau Ching as he went rather
explosively.
'What the docsep' calculated Mr.. Penlake,
as he endeavored to help himself with the
fish-slce. which somehow would not pene-
trate. ''What the doose! Why Pm dashed
fit isn't rawv'
With bound he rushed to the bell-rope
and pulled Till it yielded with a crack. He
was about to infiict summary chastisement
on the luckless Charles, whose voice was
heard outside tho door convulsed with mer-
riment, when, with serious countenance,
enter no less parsonage than NJ. Lecocq.
''Pldit-il, MSieor?' imperturoabIy.
''Look here-I say this is some contound-
ed practical joke of Charles,.'
| 'NOt so, sare. ave been, as you say,
sconzed by your Vize-Chancellor. He say
that l must not geef re genlemans cooked
meads. 70 I obey re statudes, and 1 geef
| them rdaU. ZoP'
| or German" exclaimed Mr.. Penlake, land
| am doosed hungry; upon my honor am,
Lecocq."
"You must obey re statutes of re Univair-
Site"
Chang the statutes suppose my good
irlenu, the JUNIOR Proctor, has hauled you up
before the Vice, ?"
1Yace," answered Lecocq; ''it vos 'in."
Whereupon Mr.. Penake took Monsieur by
the button-hole, and commenced condolences
which caused much laughter to both speaker
and listener. In fact he was revealing his
project of playing apractical joke on this very
Proctor, whose officiousness had caused M.
Lecocq to be mulcted
''Goot, goot, ware gootv' shouted the
Frenchman. ''Yace, yace, you shall ave
some cooked meads for dinner-in faive min
its, Meester Penlake. Bud you mud pay re
scOnze ii you are caught in the act of eating
re mead which is not raw
"TLats bargain" was the ready reply.
Accordingly, within the stated five minutes
Charles, with the humblest apologies, was en-
gagged in seaving Mr.. Penlake with delicious
menu. The soup was discovered, salmon ap-
peared done to a turn, entrees succeeded, and
in one word, repletion was attained within
five-and-forty minutes after feeding commenc-
ed
To champagne succeeded claret, curacao,
coffee, cigars. By the time that Great Tom
of Christ Church was booming away hts hun
dred and one discords, to announce that it
was past 8 O'Clock, and the number of stu
dents on Wolsey'si Foundation had not yet
been altered by the authority of Parliament,
Mr.. Penlake was pleasant, jovial, perhaps
larky, but certainly not inebriate, A soda
and-brandy caused him to rise just one de-
gree further in the direction OF liveliness, af-
ter which he declared himself as altogether
ft,'' and accordingly proceeded to prepare for
action.
First, he took his innocent trencher-cap,
and smashed it TO jelly.
Secondly, he slowed his tie round 10 the
back of his ear.
Thirdly, he extracted from the before-men-
. toned brown paper parcel beard and NOUS
tache of copious dimensions, with which ap
pendages he Invested his OWL smooth down.
less countenance. Then he superimposed the
battered cap. DOTTED the scholars gown, and
lighted fresh cigar, carefully seeming him.
self by sprinkling brandy over his beard, linen
and clothes.
Having surveyed his appearance in the
looking glass, and being satisfied that he SIM
ulated intoxication successfully, he rang the
bell and dispatched a messenger to inform
him when the Junior Proctor wa. going his
rounds.
We may inform the non-academical reader
that Proctors are irresponsible magistrates,
who, in our two university towns, can enter
houses forcibly, dispense with habeas corpus,
and commit people to prison without the
formula of trial. These privileges they ex-
ercise most freely after dark. Hence their
habit of perambulating the town by gas
light, attended by posse comitatus termed
appropriately ''bull- dogs.'
After waiting nearly an hour, Mr.. Penlake's
outpost advised him that the Proctor was
steering down the street, having just benev-
olently stepped into the Mitre to stop quiet
supper party.
On receipt of this intelligence our hero
staggered forth into the street, and affection
ately embracing the nearest lamp-post, vo-
ciferated popular melody, in order to secure
attention.
Authority thus challenged hove down
promptly upon him. Nothing daunted, Mr..
Penlake continued his ditty in thorough
maudlin fashion, stopping only to Whit his
cigar, which, as all the world knows, is lux
ury regarded by the university as somewhat
more immoral than any of the mentioned sins
in the Decalogue.
Your nane.and college, sir?" asked the
Proctor sternly.
Mr.. Penlake muttered thickly and inaudi-
bly,, blowing the smoke in the inquirer's
face.
Your name, sir; and college, STRIP
"Ben1-Wooshter," was the reply.
'sBennel of Worcester, do you say?'
"Schpel it with P, old boy" answered
the hardened Mr.. Penlake
SPan6el Thop Mr. poppaI what he;