New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1874-06-19
The CDdertaker,s Chat.

From Marx TwaIn's Unpublished English Sotes.J
Now, that corpse" said the undertaken,
pattng the folded hands OF deceased ap
pyovinyly. was brick-every way YOU
took nm he was brick. He was So real
accommodating and SO modest like and
simple in his last moments. Friends wanted
metallic burial case-nothing e.se would
60. I couldn't get it. There warn'v going
TO be time-anybody could see that. Corpse
said never mind. shake him up some kind
OF box he could stretch out in comfort
able, he warn't particular bout the general
style Of il. Said Le went more on room
than style. any way, in last fral con-
tainer. Friends wanted silver door plate
on the coffin, sign, wing VINO he was and
wher' he was from. Now yGN know a
fellow couldn't rousr ont such gallv thing
as that IL little country town Ike this.
Wha, did corpse say! Corpse said wLlte-
wash his cid canoe and dob his address and
general destination onto it with oiacking
brush and stencil plate, long with verse
from some likely hymn or other, and pint
him for the tomb, and mark him c. 0. D,
and Just let hun flicker. lie warn't
distressed any more than you be-on the
contrary just as CD am and collected az
hearse horse; said he judged that wher' he
was going to body woald find ii consider
able better to attract attention by pic
turesaue moral character than a natty
! Salendd man he was. I'd druther DO for a
| corpse like that n any I've tackled in
| seven wear There's some satisfaction in
! burryin' man like that. You feel that
| what you're doing is appreciated. Lord
| bless you, SOS he got planted before he
| spilled, he was perfectly satisfied; said his
| relations meant we'll perfectly well, but all
! them preparations was bound to delay the
| thing more or less, and ne didn't wish 20 be
| kept LAWN around. You never see such a
! clear head as what lie bad-and SO ca m
| and so cool. Just hunk of bra,ns-.hat is
| what he was. Perfectly awful. 1t was
ripping distance from one end of that mans
| head to t'other. Often and over he'd had
brain fever a-raging in one place, and the
| rest Of the pile didn't knew anything about
| it-didn't affect it any more than an lnJun
| irsurrection in Arizona affects the Atlantic
| States. Well, the relations they wanted
| a lurid funeral, but corpse said he was
down on hummery-didn't want any pro-
| cession-fll the hearse full of mourners and
! get out q stern line and tow him behind. He
! ,ras the most down on style of any remains
| ever struck. A beautiful simple min led
| creature-it was what he was, yeu can de-
pend OF that. He was just set on having
| things the way he wanted them, and he
took solid comfort in laying his little
| plans. He had me measure him and take a
| whole raft Of directions; then he had the
minister stand up behind a long box with a
table cloth over it, to represent the coffin,
and read his funeral sermon, saying 'aDg-
core, angcorer at the good places, and
making him scratch out every bit OF brag
about him, and all the hifalutin; and then
! he made them trot ont the choir SOS he
! could help them pick cut the tunes foc the
occasion, and he got them to sing Pop
Goes the Weasel because he'd always
liked that tune when he vas down-hearted,
and solemn music made him sad; and
when they sung that with tears 10 their
ewes because they all loved him., and BIS
relations grieving around, he just laid there
aud showing all over how much he enjoyed
it; and presently he got worked up and ex
| cit ID and tried to Join in, for, mind you, be
was pretty proud of his abilities in the
singing line; but the first time lie opened
his mouth and was just going 20 spread hin
self his breath took a walk. never see {
man suutfed cut SO sudden. An. II WAS a
great loss-it was powerful loss to tbl;
poor little one horse town. Well, well
we'll, amt got time to be palavering alon:
here-got to nail on the lid and mosey alone
with him, and if you'll just give me lii
we'll skeet him into the hearse and meaudel
along. Relations bound 10 have it so-d0n'
pay no attention 20 dying inlunctions
minute corpse's gone; but it l had M!
| way, II didnC respect MS 1ast WISHES ant
tow him behind the hearse III be cuss'd
/ consider that whatever corpse want
done for his comfort is a little enougl
matter, and man amt got no right 10 de
ceive him or take advantage OF him; an
whatever a corpse trusts NE to do IL
agoing to do, you know, even if It's TO stu
him and paint him yaller and keep him 10
keepsake-you hear me =
He cracked his whip and went lun BERN
away with his ancient ruin of a hearse, an
l continued my walk, with a valuable lesso
: learned-that a healthy and whelesCrn
8 cheerfulness is not necessarily impossible ,
:; any occupation. The lesson is likely to
. lasting, for it will take many months
:, obliterate the memory of the remarks al
circumstances that impressed them.