Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-08-27
PHUNNYGRAMS.

"A sharp-talking lady was reproved
by her husband, who requested her to
keep her tongue in her mouth. My
DEAR" she said, Its against the law to
carry concealed weapons"
When Buffalo policeman fires at
dog, the dog reflects that he hasn't NOR
than twenty or thirty rounds yet to fire,
and, therefore, goes quietly about it
business.-Br00kIyp argus.
"A gentleman had valuable minia-
ture stolen from him few DAYS since.
ooh, never mind" said the friend to whom
he told his loss; everybody is having
his likeness taken nowadays"
One of the meanest feelings in this
world comes to man when he rescues a
young lady from drowning and learns that
she is to be married in three weeks to a
fellow with lego mutton whiskers.
From the large reward asked for the
return Of the stolen child it is probable
that the abductors are laboring under
the impression that it is Rothschild in
stead of Ross child they have in their
power.
The girl who generally writes her
name in a straw hat, and married a
millionaire through it's influence, hasn't
been heard Of this year. The millionaire
was probably married before the hat
came out.
Notes of the storm still come in. A
visitor from Louisville was struck by the
wind, and as he flew up Wisconsin street
with his ears unfurled a gentleman re-
marked, g knew that wind would fetch
the circus-tent. "-IN5LaCaltj5ee Sentinel.
"A Sabbath-schOol teacher, DESTROYS
OF waking the dormant powers of a
scholar, asked the question: What are
we taught by the historic incident OF
Jacob wrestling with the angelo" The
cautious reply came: Dunno, 'zactly,
but 'spose twas to tell US we mustn't
rastle"
When a Tennessee husband will
horsewhip his wife for washing potatoes
IN his Sunday plug-hat it is time to in
qulre whether this generation of men
isn't getting to be too COMPOUNDED high
| toned for the age Of the country-C01-
| 15er Journal.
A certain deacon being accustomed
to snore while asleep in church, he re
ceived the following polite note:
Deacon - is requested not to COM
mence snoring tomorrow until the SER
mon is begun, as some persons in the
neighborhood of his pew would like to
hear the text"
=" Herodotus, my son, what time is
it?" inquired Mr.. Spilkins Of his son who
had just come home from college
We'll, father" replied the youth, pull
ing out his watch, let X represent
eleven o'clock and equal ten minutes
and X-2y is the answer" Spilkins pom
dered for a moment and then said he
thought it must be about bedtime.
"A small boy, telling his pals" how
he came to be detected stealing apples
in grocery store, proceeded thus
Well, | don't care so blamed much
about bein' seen, but the clerk was cross
! eyed, an | thought he was watchin' dOrg
! fight cross the street but he was lookin
| square unto me, an he helped me clean
into the gutterw-Te5re Haute Express.
=" Is my face dirty" remarked a Mer
iden Conn., young lady to her aunt
while at dinner at Hartford hotel the
other day. Dirty? No. Why do you
ask" because that insulting waiter
insists upon putting towel beside my
plate. I've thrown three under the
table, and yet every time he comes
around he puts another one before me-"
How They Get Horse Up Wher
a horse falls down fourteen men put
their hands in their pockets and ask each
other why they don't do something. FIT
teen other men advise the driver until he
is half mad and two small boys stand BY
with their hands clasped and an expires
sion of determination written on every
lineament. Then several men ask why
somebody don't hold his head, until one
old gentleman volunteers to hold it. He
steps forward calmly, bends over the
PROSTATE animal, and puts one hanC
gently on his ear. The horse, getting
tired, raises his head suddenly, the
crowd laugh, and the old gentleman seems
to take no further interest in the pro
ceedings. Then the horse, having haG
all the fun he can have, rises like a tida
wave, and the crowd isperses.-F ores
and Stream.
A BROOKLYN girl claims to have
| pba0oad bpr dress apd on,o,,,lata5 ba1