Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-12-18
Hnmorous shstebss.

influenced Dy urst impressions. lie ana
Curran wero 10 dine together at the house
ola friend, and the opportunity was seized
by CuTran to endeavor to cure his lord
ships habit of anticipating. why, Mr..
Curran you have kept us full hour wait
ing dinner for you - grumbled out Lord
Avonmore. ''Oh, my dear lord, regret
it much you must know it seldom hap
pens, but I've just been witness TO most
melancholy occurrence" You seem terri
blv moved by it-lakc glass of wine.
What was it? What was il = 4 will tell
you, my lord. the moment | can collect
myself / had been detained At court--n
the Court or ChaDccry- your lordship
knows tie chancellor str ,ate.' L do,
dO--hut - on. Well, my lord. was
huIr,iH. here rs fast as ever | could
did not even change my drcss-l hope
shall be excused for coming ia my boots 2
Pooh, pooh Neyer mind your boots
the point come at once to the point Of the
story + oh, will my lord in moment.
l walked here-I would not even wait TO
get the carriage ready-it would have taken
time, you know. Nov there is a market
exactly in the road by which had to pass.
Your lordship may perhaps recolect the
market-do you ? To be sure ! do 4; 60
on, Curran-go on With the story 4 am
very glad your lordship remembers the
market, for ] totally forget the name Of it
the namc-the name W hat the deuce
signifies the name of ii, sir Z It's the Castle
Market Your l0rship is perfectly right
it is called the Castle Market. Well.
was passing through that very Identical
Castle Market when | observed a butcher
preparing to kill calf He had q huge
knife in his hand-it was as sharp as a
razor. The calf was standing beside him.
He drew the knife TO plunge it into the
animal Just rs he was in the act of doing
so s boy, about four years old his only
sou-the lovcIicst little baby | ever saw
ran suddenly across his path, and he killed
oh. Heaven! he killed The child ,
the child the child = Vociferated Lord
Ayonmore. No, my lord, the calf con-
tinued Currau very coolly; he killed the
calf, but-yOur lordship is in the habit of
anticipating
How 10 GET \ DISEER.-A gentleman I,
who Travelled about pretty extensively was /
greatly perplexed TO understand how il was /
that other persons were waited upon !
promptly sud well served in the hotels,
while he was almost entirely ignored, and ,
could scarcely obtain a proper meal, CON-
plain 20 and swear at the walters as he !
might. At last his eyes were opened to the /
dodge of feeling the walters lbcrally, and, /
being Of an ingenious turn Of mind, he De- !
termined 10 improve on the plan. The /
next hotel be diped at he took his seat very |
pompous a, the table, and out of we'll /
filed pocketbook extracted a one-dollar /
bill, which he laid on the white cloth be- /
side my plate, and placed goblet upon il.
IL an instant almost he was surrounded /
By walters, who seemed to vie with each
other in their attentions. Every wish WAS .
anticipated, aud ail the dolicaces Of the
kitchen and pantry were placed before him /
in tempting array. Having iared as sump-
tuously as a prince to the envy Of many of .
the other guests lac took up the note, and, /
beckoning % the nearest waiter, was i'm
mediately besieged by halfdozen or so. /
Holding the note in one hand, he pointed I
to it with the other. and inquired of the
crowd. DO you sec that note 2 oh, yes,
sir : they AL exclaimed. in chorus. Then
take a good look at it, he replied. for YOU
will never see it again Saying which be
departed, leaving the walters aghast
Hrs NAME WAS ABLE.-Recently an
excited individual, with his hat standing
Oh two hairs and his eyes projecting from
bis head like the horns Of snail, rushed
into the Office Of Coroner Homes The |
Coroner IS BY profession a dentist, aud his
first thought as he glanced at The man. WAS
that he was well nigh distracted with the !
toothache; lie wac soon undeccyed, how
evsr, Us the freuzied individual cried out.
as soon as he could catch Ais breath after
running up the stairs. Been a man mur-
dercd :
a man murdered cried the Coroner.
How ? Where =
In a garding, believe, with a club or
a rock
How long ago?' cried the Coroner,
seizing his hat and cane.
Been done good while, and no police
nor constable hasn't never done nothing
about it. Never been no Coroner set on
his body or nothin' Of the kind; no YER
dict
Whats the dead mans name: Who
was he ; cried the Coroner.
His name was Abel
Abel Abel who 2
Don't know. Never heard nothing but
his first name
We'll, what is the name OF the man who
killed him: DO they know Any one
suspected ?
Well, I've heard that a fellow named
Cain put out his light. Cain was the
brother Of Abel, and
Coroner smells mice, and hourish!na
his cane, cries:
You git down them stairs, my fine fe-
low. Cit. aud don't show yourself here
again
With loud gufIaw the fine fellow went
down stairs, three steps al time, the
doctor calling after him. How dare you
trihe with an officer in this way, sir p
Virgiaio city Enterprise
WHEN Alexander Dumas, the elder,
gave a dinner 10 commercial notabilities,
regulated his wine carte as follows: He
cnjoinea his servants to put the best wine
on the table at the beginning Of the meal,
while the guests heads were clear then
said he, watch the conversation, and di-
rectly you hear any single one Of the CON-
Tany say. Il, who am an honest man.
you may be quite sure that all their heads
have gone astray, and you can serve up