Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-09-03
Anmuruus department.
THE DEACON,S STORY.

crowded to its utmost capacity. The jolly host
of the Black Bear rubbed his hands and
stroked his well-developed waistcoat, as room
after room in the tavern was filled. The bar.
room was, as usual, we'll stocked with custom
ers, and frequent were the calls made on "mine
hosts" supply of liquors. A crowd was con.
gregated in the immediate vicinity of the fire
and seemed in happy state of mind collect,
lively. Jests and repartee were banded from
one to another, and mirth-provoking stories
were told.
The chief talker, however, was smart, dap
per little lawyer, who had gained case that
day, and therefore seemed to consider himself
as "something considerable" He had a
smart saying for every one, and but few es-
capped his jest.
His principal victim, however, was Deacon
Jones. Many stories he told about deacons,
and inquired if Jones was the Deacon who,
when he was elected to that high position, was
so overjoyed that, on his arrival home, hap
pening to meet his COW, he threw his arms on
her neck, exclaiming, 90, Mummy you are
no common COW now you're deacon's COW,
and many other questions of like import.
The deacon stood it pretty we'll, and bore
the laugh like martyr. At length, he said
he had story to tell, and demanded hear
ing. Silence was obtained through the exer-
tions of the little lawyer, who was overjoyed
at the thought of getting a story from the
deacon.
"Ye see, Mr.. Lawyer" began Jones, "last
summer, when the cholera was around, l
catched it. 1t went mighty bad with me, |
tell ye, so that they give me up, and l bid my
family good-by, and made up my mind to die
as only Christian can; hope when your
time comes you can do the same, but I'm
afraid )" and the deacon shook his head SOL
emnly. "Well, ye see, 1 didn't 'zactly die,
but came pretty near it. l went off in a
trance"
"In trance !!' exclaimed the lawyer.
eyes, in trance"
"What were your sensations?
"That was Jest what was coming to.
thought that the angel Gabriel came to my
bedside and raised me up and carried me
through the sky, until we stood before the
gates Of heaven.
81 thought that the angel turned to me and
said, Mortal, you are brought here to see
some of the glories of heaven and the miseries
of hell then you will return and rejoin your
friends on earth, to abide there short season,
after which you will return to heaven, and
partake of the happiness Of the elect"
"Then we entered the gates, and my ears
were saluted with sounds of melody and praise.
But will not attempt to describe all [ saw
and heard. The angel was very communica-
tive, and readily answered all my questions.
Wishing to know about few of my friends,
who had gone before me, questioned him
concerning them. Some he called to his
presence but at the name Of some he signi6-
cantly shook his head. inquired for Squire
Grasper.' The shake was repeated. Sup
posing he misunderstood me, again inquired.
Another shake.
"'He was member of our church in good
standing said I.
"'He was lawyer said the angel, was
he not?
"'Yes,' said I.
"'We have no lawyers here, was the reply"
A burst oflaughter went up from the entire
company, and the lawyers themselves partici-
pated therein. The deacon continued:
"'We then left heaven, and passing through
a dark cloud, entered the confines of hell.
We paused at the gate and knocked. The
door swung slowly back, and we entered.
For short space l could see nothing but a
confused mass rolling here and there; but
my eyes soon became accustomed to the sight,
and 1 perceived spirits darting now here, now
there, and seeming as if trying to escape some
terrific fate. The Prince of Darkness himself
did the honors, and showed us round. Still
wishing to see the Squire, inquired for him
Satan clasped his fingers to his head, as if in
study, and slowly exclaimed:
"He is not here
"'Not here! 1 replied. Why he must be
here; he is not in heaven
"'He was lawyer, believe ?" said Satan.
"'Yes,' answered.
"sAh, he is not here We had so many
lawyers sent here, that with their demurrers,
their motions, afidavits, indictments, ETC., my
prerogatves were in danger, so that | was
obliged, in self.defense, to Danish them from
my kingdom
"Thanking his highness for his courtesy,
we left l returned to earth and conscious
ness, and ever since then have been ponder
ing on the question, Where do lawyers 60 to p
Peal after peal of laughter greeted the con-
clusion of the deacon's narrative, and the little
lawyer was dumb. Next morning he left, as
he could not answer the question so often pro-
posed to him Of "Where DO lawyers 60 to =
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