The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-01-16

Coming to grief-Meeting trou-
BILE halfway. II III asCBf - 1
Light employment building
castles in the air.
The grandest verse in existence
universe -.rg IL.
9 Cool lproceeding Ian ice man
eloping with a nice girl.
1t 10 easier for a man to be en-
gagged than to be engaging. usas
It Is no uncommon thing Af0fi
hot words to produce a GOODNESS.
Water reddensy the rose, whis-
key the nose, and tight boots the
toes.
Gravity is NO more evidence of
wisdom than = paper collar Is OF =
shirt.
President Grant had a long con-
sultatlon with Treasurer Spinner
on Saturday. .FLg -
When you hear q man say, Life
is but a dream" tread on his
corns. Life is real.
The sting Of a bee carries con,
viction with it. 1t makes a man
q bee-leaver at once. iae sfg
A barn-door fowl and lawyer
who talks for pay pick up their
living with their bills. ?
There is q city in Silesia bear.
ing the unctuous name of Pfatt.
1t is probably kind OF an obe-
city.
To the Epileptic.-Always buy
your clothes at a cheap slOp-shop,
and you'll never have another fit.
Why is it vulgar to use a wood
en- platter for the ioaf?-Why Of
course, because it is so under
bred.
Why is a moth fiuttering round
q candle like q man getting off a
horse-?Because they are both
going to alight.
A query for Mothers.-Why is
a screaming baby like the goddess
of morning?-Bscause it's a roarer
(Aurora).
Mr.. Rouser, a colored member
of congress, had the privilege Of
making a speach the 9Th inst. in
reply to A. II. Stephens.
Is there any connection between
n retailer of stale jokes and a
stock-broker?-Yes; for they both
deal in fund-dead property. sss
Mrs. Jones, colored coaehman
being told that his cockade is q
badge of servitude, replies that, on
the contrary, 'it am a sign of de
livery" sIuOr YsGgsz fE5
To flatter persons adroitly one
must know three .thiHgs-what
they are, what they think they are,
and what they want other people
to think they are.
Stopped on the way.-A mis-
tress, who had sent her servant
maid to chapel, had reason to fear
that instead of going all the way
there, she had stopped with the
chap.
A little boy, after watching the
burning of the school-house until
the novelty Of the thing had Gems,
ed, started down the street saying:
IN glad the old things burned
down; I didn't have my jogfry les
son no howw
Secretarys Richardson and Rob
eson are busily engaged in exam.
ming and revising their estimates.
In the Naval Bureau considerable
reduction will be made, which will
compel q suspension of work in
several of the navy-yards. tA-
1t is related that when Beecher
was in the country last summer,
he lost his hat, and found it in
about a week in a barn, where he
had left it, but with four eggs in
it. This is as it should be.
Beecher had just written an uelogy
on the hen; why shouldn't the
Hen-re- ward Beecher.l sar
A lad arrested for theft, when
taken before the magistrate and
asked what his occupation was,
frankly answered, Stealing"
"Your candor astonishes mer
said the judge. Il thought it
would" replied the Had, "seeing
how many big 'uns there are in |
the same business and is ashamed
to own it,"
A school-master in Bridgeport,
CT, who asked n small pupil of
what the surface of the earth con-
sists, and was promptly answered,
Land and water" varied the
question slightly, that the fact
might be impressed on the boys |
mind, and asked: 'What then do |
land and water makeF" to which
come the immediate RESPONSE
Mud" '1H.'. i
The value of the total quantity
81 Bordeax exports from France
during the year 1872 was .f5,662,-
BOO, and it is understood that
about twenty-eight per cent. of it
of which the value was FL ,070,-
L0O--was shipped to British ports.
The value of the brandy and liq-
Tors exported during the same
year was E2,145,0 900, and of these
more than one-half was sent to
British ports.
In Boston there is constant
'utcry against individuals who
hitch their vehicles in crowded
streets. Hence the Boston Trans
'ript writes: "The weekly exhib-
ton of teams belonging to sub
lrbans too mean to patronize a
livery stable, will take place in
)evonshire street, between State
nd Water streets, tomorrow, be-
weeu the hours of eleven and two.
The shabbiest vehicles will be con-
ributed by the meanest men,"
Under the title of "The Light .
Fantastic Toe" Punch gives the
GLOWING conversation between a
British youth and an American
ellie: British Youth.-'But you
ont mean to say your country {
len are better dancers than we :
REP Ameyicaa BelIe.-sWal, no! !
cure spfy enough at hoppin; but c
guess you don't '6uncHv Which,
lterpreted, means that we are {
efficiently irreproachable as far
5 dancing is concerned, but that )
'e are not in the habit of giving
oquets to our partners" ii
A Paris correspondent tells this
tory: A boy or thirteen found :
/ :.