The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1874-10-01
LAUGHABILITIES.

Nothing comes home so much to
man as an unsettled bill.
No unfortunate trader looks so down
in the mouth as dentist.
Our faith In human nature has been
restored Susan B. says she didn't.
Gravity is no more evidence of wis
dom than paper collar is Of shirt.
Horse thieves in Texas are serenaded
by string bands.
A polite way of putting it: Troubled
with a chronic indisposition to exertion.
A negro insisted that his race was
mentioned in the Bible. He said he
heard the preacher read about how
ssNigger Demus wanted to be born
again.
els the candidate for sheriff here e.
asked stranger as he looked into an
Illinois bar-room. eyes, why?" answer
ed eighteen men, as they rose.
Two Rochester men rowed boat
around in circle for three hours under
the idea that they were going down the
bay, and yet Rochester IS a Temperance
town.
IT. is not an uncommon observation
that a man who is continually talking
about his ssceaseless yearnlngs aftel
righteousness. can't get trusted at
grocery store as quick as man VINO
swears.
Last year he mas worth 5000, OOO
Then he began to drink whlskey and
settler, and now he's pauper. Where
these ravages of seltzer are going to
cease the most president of us cannot
tell.
The Detroit Free Press man has just
returned from Saratoga. He says
ssThe Saratoga bellies merely taste food
1t the table, but fee the walters to bring
q 8, ruare meal up the back stairs
Th, ere is parrot on State Street that
cries n,Stop thief!' It takes four po-
icemen 10 keep the sidewalk clear, as
every native thinks he has personal
invitation TO larry.
When the Arkansas census-taker next
goes around he WI find Peter Dayton
missing from earth. The old man
found package and threw it on to the
fire to see if it was powder or sand. 1t
wasn't sand.
It's awful lonesome in Mexico just
now, and tears trickle down the fathers
cheeks as he takes his son on LIS knee,
and tells him how the country used to
be blessed with revolution about every
two weeks.
When a well-known Omaha thief
meets a policeman and hands him five
dollars, it is the duty Of the officer to go
and sit down III an alley and see nothing
for the next hour-nothing but the five
dollars.
An exchange ridiculing the ridiculous
country fairs, which make no effort at
good shows, says that the Clearfield fair
consisted of calf, a goose and pump
kin. It rained SO hard the first night
that the goose swan off, the calf broke
loose and ate the pumpkin, and thief
proving around stole the calf, and that
ends the fair.
An Irishman found a Government
blanket recently, and rolling it up put
It under his arm and walked off, saying:
s'Yis. that's moin-U for Patrick, and
S for McCarty; be me sowl, but this
learnin's a foine thing. as me fayther
would say; for if [ hadn't any edication
I wouldn't have been after finding me
blanket"
It seems like waste Of time to spend
five years at West Point for the purpose
of acquiring the title of lieutenant, when
a boy can be called ''colonei' by simply
addressing few words to any thirsty
congregation i'll a bar-room.
An editor who speaks with the air of
a man who has discovered new fact
by experience, says that the best way to
prevent bleeding at the nose is to keep
your nose out of other peoples bust
ness.
Progression is the watchword of the
hour, but in Missouri mothers haul their
disobedient children over the knee and
strike on the same old spot that the Ro
mans did three thousand years ago.
Deacon Gaudam forrishes in Lock
Haven, n. Y. When the minister wish
es collection taken up for the little
heather on ''India's coral strand, and
says: 'Deacon Gaudam, you please
pass that hat" he has to be careful how
he places his commas.
When lovely Susan stopped to folly,
And found that Bessie would betray,
She shreksd a shrek, and swore by golly,
That she could whip her any day.