The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1874-11-26
Miscellaneous.
WINFIELD SCoTT

An atterthOught-DesSe
Stepping down and out-He who is
hanged.
They are so busy in Kansas that they
spell it Llworth.
The Queen didn't so much as go out in
| a tug to meet the American base ballists
,Overst1~ined-Mrs Mary Strain, of
Pittsburgh, who married three brothers
1t has been noticed that nothing makes
a woman laugh so much as a new set of
| teeth.
Why ought not time piece to be call
ed thingummy? Because it is a watch
you call it.
The most serious charge yet made
against Mr.. Beecher is tina t he was the
first man to offer a chrome to subscribers
"Another hole in them pantsl" said a
fond mother to her young hopeful
What a drefful onkneesy fellow you
are"
To obtain postage stamp at Niagara
hotel requires a ive-minute's struggle
with two negroes and a bald-headed book
keeper.
'You hear me" is going out of fashion
That's me that's coughing" is the abso-
lutely latest way of calling attention to
| your remarks.
/ There is nothing more calculated to
weaken boys moral character than to
get his tishing-hook fastened on the rub
bish in the river.
A lady barber has been driven out of
Dubuque by the married ladies of that
| place. The latter thought she scraped
acquaintance too easily.
If anything will impress the human
mind with awe, it is the expression of
the mans face who has just been arous ed
from snoring in church.
When a Chicago man can't lie on his
back and 60 to sleep without dreaming
of his nother-in-law, it is considered a
sufficient ground for divorce.
Who is the straightest man mentioned
in the bible? Joseph, because Pharaoh
made ruler of him. And that's why he
remained stationary in Egypt
A Kentucky exchange says, with the
beginning of the year we will reduce our
business to a cash basis. Cord wood and
potatoes taken for subscriptions"
A minister once prayed: 80 Lord we
thank Thee for the goodly number ere
tonight, and that thou also art here not
withstanding the inclemency of the
weather.
I'D hate to be in your Shoes" said a
Terre IIaute woman, as she was quarrel
ing with neighbor. You couldn't get
in them, sarcastically remarked the
neighbor.
California housekeepers have discov-
cred one little objection to Chinese
cooks. When John gets out of spirits
and discontented he is apt to poison the
whole family.
A Milwaukee woman, far gone with
consumption, begged the doctor to give
her something that would keep her up
until the verdict of the Beecher Commit
tee was published.
1t was darling Gweorge" when bri-
dial couple left Omaha; it was dear
George at Chicago at Detroit it was
George" and when they reached Mag
ara Falls it was Say, you"
When they told an Indiana woman
that her husband had been sliced up by
a reaper, she impatiently replied: "Well,
take the pieces to the barn; l can't leave
the gooseberry sauce just now
Sunday school teacher, wishing his
pupils to have clear idea of faith, illus
trated it thus: Here is an apple-you
see it, and therefore know that it is there;
but when | place it under this tea-cup
you have faith that it is there, though
you no longer see it" The lads seemed
to understand perfectly; and the next
time the teacher asked them, What is
faith ?" they answered, with one accord
"An apple under tea-cup.'
deaf old lady, who had brought an
action for damages against neighbor
was being examined, when the judge
suggested a compromise, and instructed
counsel to ask what she would take tc
settle the matter, His honor wants tc
know what you will take?' asked the
. learned counsel, bawling as loud as evel
he could in the old lady's ear. II thank
his honor kindly" answered the ancien
dame; "and if its no Inconvenience t.
him, I'll take little warm alel"