, 1874-07-12

the morgue-keeper. !. dunao." .Och,'' sai
Put, you'll know him IN minute BY AL lmplt
iment in his spaache."
I'd bate to be in you1 shoes" SAD @ou Won
ot the Fast Side yesterday az se ee
them" sarcastically remarked the nelghbor.-
1e'Te HauEe Express.
-" What do you know Of tho character Of thi
man ?" WAS asked Of a witness at poAce-coni
the other day. ''What do know OF his charac
ter? know it to be unbleachabie. your non
Or" be replied with much emphasis
| AT High Falls, N. T., the other dsy, = youn
lady, whi1a crossing field, was kuocked dow
by tana and the next tins The damaged dam
youth that he might 80 about his business, d
she was disgusted with the se1,
Astronomers tell US that the tan OF IN
comet Will. after passing over the earth euTelol
the moon, thus verifying the words OF the poet
Soon az tho evening shades prevail
The moon takas up the wondrous taxi
An old lady writes to say that she was warml.
! in favor Of women doctorH for women that
/! sick woman will tell one Of her own sex NOR
aoout her feelings in five minutes than she ~oult
| male doctor in an hour.
"A Holidays Finisi.-LandladT Ito posraan)-
"Joe, put this lot out" Potman-'' He says he
has fourpence." LandlanJ-" Then don't be
so rough. Ask the gentleman what he'll have.'
Punch.
The Schenectady Star is responsible for the
statement that June e-buE, buzzing around III 9
dark Water'ow par!or. flew agalnst young
lady's face with such force as to become hope
less1y ou.angled in her bcaus mustache.
1t iB said that the mosquitoes Are unusually
large thid Beason. The only satisfaction that
people who arc obliged to renain in the city can
get from this ii the hope that the old bull mos
qui,ocs will loaf around the back-yards Ut night
aud eat up the tom-cuts.
A country newspaper Gays that, in reply to a
question from the lecture-contnitteo Of the chief
town OF the district al to the subject Of ! lee
ture to be given ut the institution. the lecturer
te1egraphed, "a Taste OF Naples and Rou,e. a"
The operator lpaao it read. - lasts OF Apples
and RuM."
A married lady, who was in the habit OF
spending most Of her tine III the society OF her
noighbo7s happened to be taken i'll, aud sent her
husband in great haste for physician. The
husband ran short distance, and then returned,
whom I come back 2"
Tho Chancellor Of tho New York LAW School
told tho graduating lawyers to marry as soon HI
tive powers ?-Boston Post.
An cid veteran relating his exploits to q
crowd Of boys, and mentioned having been in
five engagements. "Thats nothing" broke in
a little fellow, "u1y sister Agnes hl1 been en-
gaged eleven timea."
.-Naturalists claim for tho CROW that it is one
OF the brhvest OF bi1ds. pecausa 1t never ahows
the white feather.
"A young lady fell overheard the other day
during yacht-race. She was picked up, aod
4 young lady engaged to be married, but get
ting sick Of heE bargain, applied to Il friend to
help her unto the knot before it wus too late.
''Oh, certainly" be replied, '.it's very easy to
unite it now, while it is only beau~knos."
hare you md HaEold been doing 49, 1t Aunt Iabeis
to-day ?'' stIad diuner'' land wha. did you
do atter dinner:" Had tea" ..Dut what dld
you do between dinner and taa ?" Had some
cake!"
asked his sisters admifer Of little 5-ycar-old.
" Cause put some Of sisters paint on- She
puts il OIL eyery day." II MAS painful disclosure
for everybody,-at least Charley thought so
after the visitor had gone.
Why did you leavo your last plnce - in
ouired q young houaeAeepcr about to engage
a new servant. why, you see, ma'a.n." re-
Piled the applicant. II was too good-loosing
aud v hen opened tho door 1olks took NE for
the ninsus."
III man is getting shaved in d b.rber's
shop, and hy aliSnts upon mis- nose, aud Q
gives his head q twitoh to remove the hy, during
which the barber removes slice of the man's
eur, who il to blanle,--,he man, OF the barber,
or the tly, or the ear, or the razor?
"A young fellow in 3 Western town Was fined
following day tae dausel sent him the amount
Of the tire, with note saying that the noxt
time he kissed her lie must to less rough about
il, and be careful to do 1t WAsn her father was
not about.
A bachelor one day set the table in his lonely
abode with p!2lo for himself and all imaginary
wife and tive cuildren. He then sat down to
dine, aud as often as he helped himself to food
he PIT tho saula quantity on each of the other
plates, and surveyed the prospect, at the eano
tins computing tie cost. He is still bachelor.
=" 0 gracious /! no, exclaimed Mrs. Marrow
fat to AIRS. Quoggs, raisiuE her hands and speak
ing in very excited tone She was 80 i'll
WHOM her new bonuet came home that she
couldn't get up but. dear sakes Jane, that
didn't matter nothing. for she just yut tho hat
on and lay with her head out the front window
the wh.,lo Afternoon
Invention Ii Better than Cure-Chief Clerk
OF Government Office Ito youthful and rather
rapid sub ,rdlnate)-Oh, Mr.. Scatterbrains, I
morrow is the Derby Day, aad / must therefore
as Il favor tnat you will take some medl-
cine and other necessary precautions to avoid tho
recurrence OF one OF those bilious attacks from
which you suffered last year.-Puach.
On cruise the sailors comet and wero
somewhat surprised mud alarmed at its appear
ance. Tue hands met aud appointed 4 commit
tce to wait on the commando: aud ask bis opln-
ion Of it. They approached him and said: We
ito to ASK g 4pbon o .ut
qulrc about that thing up thcre." snow, be-
lore answer you, first let mo know What you
think it is?" well, your Eoror, We have
talked it all over. and we think it is star sprung
; leak"
We have the best Of reasons to believe that |
The CAPITAL has become q greater fayorite than |
srer with the fair sex snce its change Of dress.
Last Sunday richly-et.ircd young lady was
stopping out Of st. Matthew's after IL O'clock !
,hurch, when IN energetic newsboy dashed up |
from tho cur-stone and howled ln her afffiyhted |
ear, ''Hyar's yer Sunday morning Cap-ee-tnl!'
. Great heavens, Jaue!" shlicAed ths fanting |