Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-07-17
Fl U MO r
WHAT WILT MAN.


for long time to know why the women Of
Massachusetts make more noise than their
sisters in other States. Archbishop Whate-
ley once propounded similar conundrum:
"Why do white sheep eat more than black
ones % and answered it with the inevi-
table reply: ''Because there are more of
them"
A suffering broker in New York lately
asked another, who had bald pate, why
his head was like h-hash in b-boarding-
house. The disguised friend, on admitting
that he didn't know, was informed that
twas because th-there's h-hair h-h-here
and th-there.
Receipts for the preservation of furs
abound in all the papers, but the old plan
promulgated by Punch long ago is the best.
This is to pull out all the hairs with twee
zers and yarnish the skin. In the Spring
remove the varnish and carefully stick all
the hairs in their old places.
NaShau furnished some beautiful moral
lessons, yesterday morning I; a little boy
ran away from school and was fatally in
jured while playing on the railroad, and
barrel Of beer exploded and almost killed
the man who was carrying it.
Gunnybags dunned Smith for the amount
due on account, and Smith wrote, saying
Gunnybags must let the account stand
awhile longer. Gunnybags wrathfully re-
piled that he wouldn't. "Then let itrun,"
retorted Smith, aud Gunnybags was mad
der than ever.
A good way to restore man apparently
drowned, is to first dry him thoroughly
inside and out, and then clap speaking
trumpet to his ear and inform him that
his mother-in-laW's dead.
A circus manager offers $500 reward for
a gymnast who will turn double somer
sault from bar to bar That is nothing
There are men here who will walk from
bar to bar sooner than miss drink.
Yesterday boy with d cap full of green
apples was follows half a mile by three
doctors before the first grippe seized him,
and then they all had plenty business for
the next hour trying to keep him undouE-
led.
81 say, Bill, didn't your mother say
you couldn't go in a swimm'n unless you
asked your father p ooh, yes, but you see
dad has the govt, SO there is J,o use of
askin' of him, because he couldn't lick me
any way"
A Bowery merchant who had declined
to advertise in the Commercial Advert.
ser" because nobody would see it," came
around few days after to offer $25 to have
his name kept out of the police reports. "
A Cincinnati reporter says that there is
something grand in pair of runaway hor-
SEES, but we believe that a good deal de-
ponds OH whether a man is on fence or
trying to climb over the end board of the
wagon.
The mayor of Portuguese city once
enumerated, among the marks by which
the body of a drowned man might be iden-
titled, "a marked impeachment in his
speech"
I'm glad that this coffee don't owe me
anything" said Brown, a boarder, at the
breakfast table, "Why," said Smith,
"Because | don't believe it will ever set
tle.''
A Wisconsin clergyman has been found
guilty by church council Of mot always
banding the truth with sufficient careful
less to meet the demands of veracity."
That ''little birds do in their nests
ree'' is no credit to the little birds, beki
use it would never do for them to fan
{.
Philadelphia gentleman adyertises a
THAT is destined to wipe out the ma
4 debt. There isprobably some 'lye"
i.
uel Gettings, of Springfield, Ohio, |
father of % children. 1t is to be |
nat with all his Gettings he got un- |
g.
Ill pocket-book gets empty and |
knows it, you can put all your |
it and it won't ''bulge out" |
ut.
manned Howard, Of Delaware,
emit to state prison for five years |
ing fat-boat loaded with tar
4 crime was never committed.
Rochester ''Chronicle" offers three |
~ per pound for poetical contributions, |
n writer's are not limited as to SUBJ |
)5ects,
We hold that a woodchuck is fit for |
treason, stratagem and spoils. Because |
he has no music in his hole.
"A boot-black's father says he never en-
joys himself more than when he sees the
t'son shine"
1t is said that the prettiest girl in Har-
Irisburg is newspaper carrier. She carries
|them in her hustle.
kElijah Bugg, of Springfield, Ohio, has
been in bed for nine years. Costar's Ex-
nnaaia1af7r is recommended.
that those Iowa grasshoppers !
Is green and smile at hot wa
aOn lhy.) gent, IN afdently
Ping parted wife, broke one of |
lysicians are carefully noting
ng state of the green-apple