The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-12-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Mohammcdans believe that Old maids hay,
no chance OF hearcn,-Er
The old maids can return the compliment ant
say ditto, OF the Mohammedans,
The following is another instance Of how
poor boy can rise in the world by his own unaid
ed exertions, and become selt-made man climb
ing TO the very pinnacle Of human greatness
A student at an Iowa college boarded himself
on IS cents per week, and studied twenty hours
per day He is now an Overseer of Highways.
The planet Jupiter is now beautiful object in
the eastern sky for an hour before sunrise, Get
up and see II, why don't you'll,
No sir. We don't believe it, and don't want to
either. You can't coax us out of a warm bed
four hours before our usual time Of getting up,
by fraud like that.
The acquaintance which led to q recent mar
rlage in Paris was broug ht about by the entangle
ment Of one of the ladys curls in the gentleman's
umbrella while they were endeayorlng 10 pass
on narrow sidewalk during slight shower
Ex
Our handsome type setter on reading this
about month ago, pronounces it an unmitiga-
TED swindle. He has fried il three times a day
ever since. He arms himself with monster UNI
brella, with the ribs sticking out like the teeth
OF a horse rake, and wildly fourishes it as he
goes over the narrow foot walk OF the Fox River
bridge. The girls who meet him invariably
dodge, and he never has succeeded in entangling
single curl
II a cloth wrung out in hot water is immediate
~ applied TO the skin or black eye il will pre-
vent discoloration.-Tr.
We commend this to local editors in general
Always 60 about well provided with cloths and a
pail of hot water
Bill Hartzell. Bill Morrison, Bill Anderson, Bill
Sparks and Bill Springer are the delegation from
Southern Illinois. We will have the honor Of in.
Producing few Bills direct from the people
Chester Clarion,
Yes, and every one OF 'em will pass.
Next Tucsday-shortest day this winter-Er,
We did not find our self shorter-in funds
than usual. 1t was ale same with us.
We have Grant, the tanner and Wilson, the
'stne, aker,' and now we have the last of the
,e5icaI na+tv,~.n ekH Timts
Is tina, awl; :
ts'' -A'' 4d Olive in Terro Haute, and tue
Gaaet4 remarks wickedly; In the words OF the
eloquent old Indian warrior, who is there to
MOURN Tor Logan; no, nov one
This is how il happened:
Mr. John Smith he sat down on pin,
And Mr.. John Smith he rose right Up again.
The colored Methodists of Christian county
KY. know now where their pastors donations
of pork come from. He has been caught surrep.
ttiously hanging on the ragged edge of neigh
boris hog pen.
One Of the saddest sights now daily seen by
tie Terre Hau;e local reporter i. the aveiage
church member, with his feet planted squarely
in the mud, lost in contemplation Of theatrical
posters Of sem. nude blondes
Mrs. p. T. Barnum is injuring her shoulder
blade by wearing six large cluster diamond rings
on her left hand. Her husband was always i'm
mense on ring
In letter to the LiJcral Christian describing
Sunday in Paris, Rev. c w. Wendle, OF Chicago,
spoke Of priest with monstrance and censor
tut the compositor put moustache on the
priest, ard thus incensed the young preacher OF
the western metropolis.
Just so.
The editor of i country journal in New York,
thus appeals to the better nature of his delrn-
Ouent subscribers: ITO all those who are in
arrears one year or more, who Will come forward
and pay up, we viii give frst-class obt.
nary notice gratis in case it kills them"
The crculeum aborabus Of unprecedented
klongootas has obigerated,' are the opening
words Of the salutatory of new Toledo daily.
The ST. Louis Journal says the President per.
4 ;t A, W.
popping the question to Mrs, Grant was purely
IN ak Dent
As my wife at the window one beautiful day
stood watching a man with a monkey, cart
came along with broth Of boy, who was driv
ing stout little donkey To my wife then
spoke by way Of joke, There's relation Of
yours in that carriage To which she replied,
when the donkey she spied, All yes! a rela-
ton by marriage
A ST. Louis preacher wanted his sermons re.
ported but ever since he saw in the G'obs that
he prayed just as ! am, without one hca,' he
don't banker after typographical glory so much
The only thoroughly blighted being says
the ST. Louis JDlrHd', is the man who has been
deceived in meerschaum. When he has cxpcnd-
Gu MS money IN purchasing Tue cosby comfort
when lie has consumed tobacco enough 10 mn.
settle the nerves Of rhinoceros and the stub
born pipe still refuses TO color, demonstrating
10 him the fact that he has been sold, then does
the hollowness OF this world and all that therein
is become fully and disgustingly apparent
\ young lady at home from boarding. school
for the holidays, was asked il she would have
roast beef, when she replisd: "No, | thank You
astronomical safety admoniohcs me that have
arrived at the ultimate stage Of degutition con
sistent with dietetic integrity The young LADY,
was never asked if she would have anything ever
again.
An individual who was about to start papc
in the interest Of the glove makers and dealer
was rather Disguised at the suggestion tina, j
should be called, tn, Hoyd O,Ya".