Smyrna times., 1874-07-22
ica-Arabia- Patagonia and Various
Other Countries Described.

This is the latest essay in geography of the
newest humOrlst of the PERIOD he is of the
New York EUeatng 7etegram:-
Africa produces negroes and ostriches. The
negroes are powerful class when the wind is
favorable, and generally come over to this
country Tor the purpose of getting into the
South Carolina Legislature. The ostrich was
constructed exclusively for the show business,
and lives principally on horseShOes. Some
one IN Africa, years ago, lost the source of the
Nile, and liberal rewards have been offered to
the man who will return it to the owner; no
questions asked. King Koffee boards in AT
rlca. he had row with Queen Victoria,
whose soldiers stole his umbrella. But he
won need it now that shis reign is over. The
idea that the colOred minstres come from
Africa is a popular delusion. Egypt is part
OF this country, and is chiefly noticeable for its
pyramids and the sphynx. The pyramids are
utterly useless, and one wonders in gazing
upon them, what on earth the old Egyptians
ever built them for. The sphynx is generally
supposed to answer riddles and REFUSES, but
this statement does not appear to be au
thenticated. Sahara is in Africa. Saba
ra 5 young man" lives in Hoboken.
Arabia is a nice enough sort of country, and
was the birthplace of the man who said, Oh,
give me back my Arab steed." Mucilage
spice mills. The people wear striped table
cloths and piano covers. Horse trading is the
chief industry, although there is a little done
in camels
Turkey is controlled by the Sultan, the tur-
keys saying, on his accession to the throne
That the boss for US )" hence Bosphorus, a
later corruption of the phrase. The Sultan is
fierce looking man, resembling Third ave-
nue. car conductor IN many respects. tie sits
on throne all day long with a scimeter in his
hand and towel wrapped around his head He
wears very wide pants, and has a ballet corps
constantly engaged to dance for his amuse
meut Constantinople was built for the pur-
pose of giving little children an opportunity to
tackle big word in spelling. Turkey produ-
ces carpets.
About Greenland there is not much known,
although it has been definitely ascertained that
it possesses icy mountains" Whales and
sea lions are the chief fruit. Half of the year
there is no night, which makes the gas bill
quite tride, although it knocks courtng sky
! high. The people have a sad, fearful express
sion, which has been variousy accounted for
We think it comes from eating bubber.
We have tried hard to get some reliable in
| formation about Patagonia, but have not been
very successful. The prevailing impression
sesms to be that the people lie on their backs
and shoot arrows at the eagles. But they
cam lie there all the time, and what they do
when they get up is mystery.
Brazil is the home of the Amazon, Monk.
eys abound, that is, they are always bounding
from tree to tree. Up in the mountains there
are silver mines which you reach by getting
on mule, and being toted over tight ropes,
and along cliff paths no wider than the blade
of jack nife. When you get there you don
find any silver, and then come home before the
mast, or as much before it as possible. Por-
tugese is the national dialect although the
laws are so liberal that man can sleep or cat
his meals in any tongue. Brazil produces peb
blcs which Fulton street jewellers swindle you
into buying as diamonds.
The Sandwich Islands have done nothing
much worthy of notice except producing the
popular ham sandwich. The people are ath
letic, most of them being lepers. There is
king who gets $25 month, and has stand
lug army of nine men. In former times the
natives used to eat eachother, but owing to th,
fact that one of the kings mothers in-law wa
too rare and didn't agree with him the practic,
was abandoned. Roast missionary (Metho
Dist with mint sauce used to be pOpula
dish at the restaurant.