Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-05-13
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and Humor.
THEODORE PARKER said nun was an
organized old maid.
WHAT is the opposite to Glove in a
cottage % War in A"shantee.''
The "Early Bird is the name of the
latest vermifuge. It catches the worm.
To have ideas is to gather. To think
is to weave them into garlands.
IT is rather cool in San Francisco
paper to advise young man to ego
West"
A MAINE man is out with a temperance
lecture, the taking title of which is.
chow Goliah was killed with sling
A DELAWARE man committed suicide
simply because somebody left basket
and baby on his front step. He was
afraid his wife would object to step
children.
HE vitality of some people is simply
astonishing. There is a long-haired
youth who has written seven hundred
verses, the refrain to which is, 81 am
dying, mother, dying" and withal he
isn't dead.
WHAT do those mean ?" said Spicers
friend, pointing to the three gold balls
IN front Of shop, the other day. en-
dams, was the reply. "Indians p
said his friend. eyes, Pawn-ees," re-
torted Spicer.
JONES, who is brute, having heard
that little girl who jumped rope 351
times never spoke another word, has
bought his wife whole clothes line.
A DANBURY man, whose wife recently
died, subsequently confessed to friend
that nobody could pull down an IN
der coat as neatly as Jane did"
A LISBON correspondent, writing of
the king Of Portugal, and not wishing
to spoil him by fattery, says he is an
ugly likeness Of chunk of beeswax.
IT has been said that it is better for
a woman to be laughed at for not being
married than to be unable to laugh be-
cause she is married.
AN old gentleman at Columbia Falls,
Mo-, aged 80 years, was recently mar
RED, the ceremony being performed by
his son, 81 years of age.
A DERANGED lover, living near Louis
vile, committed suicide by taking hold
OF the edge of the pond and holding his
head under water.
A GERMAN writer SAYS that thieves
are SO scarce in this country that the
authorities are often compelled to offer
a reward for them.
A LITTLE boy heard his mother tell of
eighteen head of cattle being burnt the
other night. "Weren their tails burnt
also?" inquired the verdant youth.
AN old lady with a large family, living
near river, was asked if she did not
live in constant fear that some of her
children would be drowned. ooh. no."
she replied, eve have only lost three
or four in that way
"Ma, has arlnty got bees in her
mouth y "No; why do you ask such
question:" ''Cause that 1eetle man
with heap O. hair on his face cotched
hold of her, and said he was going to
take the honey from her lips and she
said well make haste p
A SCRIPTURE lesson from Punch Pre-
ceptor-" Now, can any of you tell me
anything remarkable in the life of
Moses?" Boy-"Yes, sir. He was the
only man who broke all the command
ments at once p
SUGGESTION BY SAKE.
In going to parties, just mind what you're at
Beware of your head, and take care of your
hat;
Lest you find that favorite son of your mo-
Has an ache in the one and brick in the
other. .......-
ONE evening at Paris cafe a groud
of idlers were discussing politics and
people who change their opinions. 81,
for one, never cry long live any one,"
remarked one. "Quite likely" said
another, g for you are Doctor
SPRING having sufficiently advanced
to thaw out the cobble stones, robins
and the windows in vacant buildings
are receiving the attention of the youth
of the land. The only sure way to hit
bird with stone is to first spit on the
stone and then aim three times.
WHEN her new bonnet comes home,
and doesn't suit her, or when she is
suffering from any other great grief,
true sympathy expresses itself best by
letting her severely alone. No properly
educated female wishes to undergo the
inspection even of familiar acquaint-
ances, with her eyes looking like in