The Portland daily press., 1874-03-25

The toads went dash, the nogs went splash
All juumpin' the wather;
And the schnakes committed shuicids
To save themselves from schlaughter.'
Men. in their innovations, should follow
the example of Time, which innov ates great
ly, but quietly, and by degrees scarcely to be
perceived.-Bacon.
Among the letters received by General But
Ter within day or two past was one contain
ing only two-line advertisement clippe from
Boston paper, as follows: Wanted-A Hub
turner. Apply, &c.-Pittsbvg Commercial.
Say an exchange: '.Adam had one conso-
lation when he fell. Fifteen or twenty ac-
quaintances didn't stand on the opposite cor
ner and laugh at his mishap." They were
probably too busy looking at Eve.
Detroit Free Press: Seventeen couples in
Dubuque are waiting the advent of easy
times before marrying. If we loved giil,
we'd marry her in the dead of winter, and
haul corn meal twelve miles on hand-sled.
Half pound of shot, administered to SYM
pathetic cats at this season of the year, will
bear fruit in increased hours of slumDer
throughout the summer, and have tenden
cy to prevent corner in the chicken market.
-Pittsburg Commercial.
There is no funeral so sad to follow as the
funeral of our own youth, which we have
been pampering with fond desires, ambitious
hopes, and all the bright berries that hang in
poisonous clusters over the path of life
[Landor.
1t is precisely the proudest and most obsti-
nate men who are the most liable to SHIFT
their position and contradict themselves;
everything easier to them than to face the
simple fact that they have been thoroughly
defeated, and must begin life anew George
Eliot.
Why did Butler address his letter on the
death of Sumner to the correspondent of the
BostonJoMrnal? Because he was 'Poor
boy."-Boston Eoening Transcript.
Yes; and what's more, he's Ben Peore for
his whole lifetime.
Speaking of the half-naked statue of Wash
ington, which cost $50, 900, in the East Capt.
tol Park, Grace Greenwood wittily says that
his outstretched arm points reproachfully
toward the glass cases in the Patent Office,
where hang his much desired habiliments.
There is Danbury legend TO the effect
that party desiring to transact some private
business with another, was invited by the
other to step into neighboring store. 'But
we will be disturbed there" said the first
party. ooh, no,t' said the second party,
"they don't advertise"
The young ladies of Petersburg, Va, have
organized secret society, of which the en-
Dlem is golden heart worn over tine left
breast, bearing the cabalistic inscription of
''B. o. u" What it means nobody therea-
bouts appears to know, but the interpreta-
ton is simple enough-Beware of Us.
In describing the recent debut OF young
lady, whose friends went into raptures over
her performances, Jones says: 'They ap-
planded her when she opened her mouth,
thew applauded her when she shut it; they
applauded her when she kicked the stool; I;
and believe they would have applauded had
she kicked the bucket"
An East Bridgeport, Ct, landlady, think
ing 10 pleasantly surprise one of her board
ers, embodied gold ring which he had lost
and she had found, in a pancake, and placed
the production on his plate at breakfast. His
teeth did not happen to get entangled in the
ornament, and now it is lost again.
Conrier-Jounal: Eight persons, who had
lived to be eighty years old, died in Phl;,del-
phia last week. This shows that the vau ut
ed obituary poetry of the Philadelphia Led.r
er, while it may soothe the dying Philadel-
phian with soft anticipations of what will be
said about him after he is dead, does not lead
to that promptness which is desirable in the
Of the average resident of Philadelphia.
A New York clergyman suggests tnat' III
stead of adopting the tactics OF the western
ladies, the Eastern girls should Try Tue io''