The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-07-18
VARIETY.

An Iowa clergyman, who had donation party,
lately, has beans enough to last him thirty-seven
years.
REV. DIR. Lyman Beecher's salary seventy years
I'd was $500 per annum and fiTewOod. His son,
tE-nry Ward Beecher, receives $40, 1000 year,
but buys his frewOOd.
Too THIS.-A good little Bangor boy refused
TO spell cider because he had signed the pledge.
That excuse hadn't the requisite thickness, and
the boy was sent to his scat to learn his lesson.
BUESr IT OFF.-The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded Of young person who has
burnt all the hair OF her forehead with a hot
slate pencil aud cannot afford to buy a row of
curls. H
PzAcrIcAL.-That was practical woman who
wrote to Evangelist Hammond, at st. Louis, ask
ing prayers to lift mortgage on her farm, that
she and her little ones may not be thrown out of
a home.
BRIEF RENARKs.--At the laying of the corner
stone of the capitol of Iowa, no speeches
were made, except a few remarks by a workman
who got hIs fingers pinched, and they were brief
and % the point.
ANOTHER BEUTE.-s' My DEAR said n husband
90 his afectOnate better half, after matrimonial
squabble, you will never be permitted to 60 to
heaven i''-'' Why net?''-s' Because you will be
wanted as torment down below"
Makers Of fishing tackle complain Of the scarcity
of feathers for the manufacture of artificial flies
One Of them says that all the feathers have flown
TO the beads Of women, who are little better than
artificial hies themselves, with the hooks very
well concealed.
An Easton (Pa.,) editor growls because the
water company OF that place give with every
gallon Of green water half dozen fish," He
wants a dozen fresh oysters with that quantity of
water. Some persons can never get enough for
their money
At Brighton, fascinating young lady on being
asked recently. she returned from the circulat-
q library With the last new novel, If she had
:. sver-read Shakspere tossed her pretty head and
answered, ''Shakspere2 OF course 1 have; l
read il when it first came OUT
WARS YER NAME AN Irishman, who was
standing on LondOn-bridge, said to a youth:
Faith, and / think / know yees; what's yer
name -" Jones, said the boy Jones,
JONES', said the Irisbman; 'and knew seven
= teen onld maids by that name in Dublin; was
aithsr Of them yer mither?''
4 Nebraska Journal invitingly says: ''Who
says farmers cannot get rich in this State? Fif-
teen years ago young man came TO the State
without a dollar IN the world. Last week he
went out Of the State, carrying with him the sum
OF one dollar and thirty-eight cents, the savings
Of fifteen years of frugal life. Come West, young
man, come West 80
They we're neighb0rs, they died at the same
time and were to be buried the same day.
Mrs MADDOX came to the house of mourning TO
aid in the last sad Offices She stood by the coffin
and muttcred, Very much changed She
seated herself, but soon arose and took second
look, repeating the remark. \ third time she
looked, and a third time exclaimed, - How
changed" Madam" said bystander. - this
Is John Vests body; Nancy Green's funeral Is
next door" Mrs. MADDOX left.
OBrTuAHY OF WEsrERN EDIroK-Ye editor
sat in his ricketty chair as worried as worried
could be, for We devil grinning before him
there, and 'scOPy ye devil said he. .rH
Oh, ye editor grabbed his big quill pen, and it
spluttered ye ink 80 free, that his manuscript
looked like war map which, Take this TO
ye devil spake he.
He scribbled and scratched through We live
long day, no rest or refreshment had he; for the
devil kept constantly coming that way, and howl
ing for more "eOp-ee :"
Day after day he scssOred and wrote a-slaying
the whole oOuntree; while We devil kept piping
his single note "A little more outside cor-ee -
And when ye boys IN ye news-rOOm heard ye
noise Of We fray, ye sound of blow and bias
phemOus word, " Hes raising ye devil - say
they. .....# .r.
And of when a with grievance came in,
We editor man to see he'd turn his back with a
word of sin Go take to ye DEVIL sayed he.
And ever and oft, when proof of his work We
proprietor wanted TO see, Ne proof shall be shown
by my personal clerk; you must 90 to ye devil"
sayed he. ...-. -. ..--...
Ife By this spirit tormented to be; in hunger and
poverty. sorrow and strife, always close to We
devil was he
Ye editor died.......But ye deril EUed on And
ye force OF life's habit ye see; for We editors
! breath no sooner was gone, than straight to ye
devil went he.