The Idaho world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1864-1918, 1874-01-22
[sssouILLs." IN MISSOURI REruBLIcAN.l
"a BOLT ALWAYS IN ORDER" !

vantage of him-"The best woman in
the world, sir" says Squills, "but now
and then she will act mean, and she
can't help it,"
"Last Saturday at breakfast" said
Squills, "she was as smiling as bun
die of chips"
"Are your chops done to you liking
Squills, dear"
"Deliciously, my love-"
81 broiled them myself, DEAR"
II knew it was going to be hot" said
Squills, "and when | got into the hall
to leave, Mrs. Squills was there with
my hat in one hand and my overcoat in
the other"
"Squills, DEAR" she began.
81 thought it time to pitch in here, .
said Squills, $50 l said quietly"
"How much, Mrs. Squills? Out with
it, my love-
"Mr. Squills,' said she, don't be un.
manly, sir, | beg; not to say ridiculous.
Gussy wants silk dress to go to
church in; the poor child isn't really
decent-you are very sorry'-well, SO
you ought to be. Let her say her
prayers at home No, Mr.. Squills, she
shan't stay at home. and she shan't say
her prayers, and Mr., Squills, you're
enough to aggravate a saint, and your
conduct is disgusting, and its enough
to drive woman to bolt right off to
Chicago, and get divorce"
81 thought this was good time to
fire off my pet joke" said Squills, $50
l said, Mrs. Squills, bolt is always in
order. Then l bolted mpself, for Mrs
Squills comes of fighting family.
when | went home at night, Gussy,
dear child, played all mypet Ofienbach
music, and knew | was in for the
dress, only | wanted to hold out till
morning, just for the look of the thing
"For five years after we were mar
ried," said squills, Mrs. S. would per-
sst in looking under the bed for man.
It's the same man every woman looks
for, | suppose, because they all do it.
Well, failing TO find the man, Mrs.
Squills finally gave him up in disgust
and took to something else" Il sup
pose, said Squills, they all take 10
else after they can't find the
man under the bed Mrs. Squills weak
ness is in boiling the door Mr. Squills,
have you boltcd the door? is always the
last thing at night"
This particular night" said Squills,
"Mrs. S. was very dignifcd and distant
NO familiarities, Mr.. Squills, if you
please, you wounded my feelings in
their tenderest point this morning. and
cannot forget, though you did, that |
am your wife, sir, and the mother Of
your children, Mr.. Squills.
This was pitching it uncommonly
strong. you know" said Squills, land
! was about to surrender, when Mrs.
Squills turned off the gas, and then
coilcd herself up in pet, somewhere
on the outside bed rail. Not even good
night, Squills | felt pretty bad about
it, | can tell you, but went 10 sleep.
| don't know how long had slept, but
some time, when experienced kick
in the back as if playful mule had
been tanning me. Perhaps it was nee
cssary, as ] always sleep hard"
"Mr Squills," at last | heard Mrs.
S. say, "Mr Squills, have you bolted
the door?'
"Now ! leave it to any man." said
Squills, appealingly whether that is
a correct thing for the mother of fam
lily to do? OF course | got up and
bolted the internal door, and | said,
Mrs, Squills, why the deuce didn't
you think of boiling the door before ]
went to sleep, and not wake up a man
in the middle Of cold night to do it?
And what do you suppose her answer
was?
"Why, Mr.. Squills, said she, 4
thought bolt was always in order"
what did / say? What could |
say? And the worst of it ALL" said
Squills, "1'll be hanged if she wasn't
laughing at me: l could feel the bed