The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-07-25

KISSING your sweetheart" says a. trifing
young man, - Is like eating soup with fork it
takes long time to get enough"
\ poor family in Green Bay had to mortgage
their sax dogs last week to get barrel of -four to
keep them from starving. The case Is pitiabIe.
Why CALLED So.--A gentleman in PottsviIIe,
Pa, has named his dog PeEny, because it was
one sent to him and has had ten mills with the
cat.
An unprOtected bachelor hopes his landlady
won't iOin the cremation society, as he would be
sorry to have her hashes handed down 10 future
generations
- 80 commonly used in reference to weddings, It
is suggested that births should be headed ' cry
meneal, - and deaths 50 diemeneal.'
AN Ohio husband sold his oxen to get money
for his vile TO elope with, but he doesn't want
any sympathy. He says he'd have thrown in a
horse two if she bad demanded it.
TEMPER AND AIoNEY.-The difference between
mans being out Of temper and out money is,
that when he's out money he shows the least Of
it, but when he's out Of temper he shows most
of it. 49,. -. .....e ..r.. .f....
TENNESSEE lady presented her husband with
swins, and in due season added triplets. % Dear
me :" exclaimed an astonished neighbor, ''
suppose Mrs- Stebbins will have quadrupeds next,
and then centipedes ;"
THE daughters in law of Queen Victoria are
almost ready to pull hair because Of the relative
positions assigned them at dinner. The royal
Young men missed 1t IN not marrying American
- iris. All the average daughter Of the Western
sRepublic demands il seat within easy reach
of MASHED potatoes and cold turkey. ..-
ALADY in White Pine, Nevada, wished to eIope.
but her husband made his appearance at the
house unexpectedly She induced him to take
-. =. -. -.
of she grabbed them and, mounting q horse, rode
swiftly awny. Did anybody ever hear Of meaner
-.ase Of deception than that? The unfortunate
man did not follow her, for Obvious reasons and,
getting sober second thought by the unayoida-
bic delay, he concluded his bath quietly and at
the same time washed his hands OF the base
creature altogether.
A SorlRE BAuBooztED.-Iti is fact pretty gen
eraIly known that IN order to dispose of disorder
ly characters promptly at the State fairs Justice
of the peace is continually the fair grounds.
A West Troy justice attended to this business
last fall and many offenders were brought before
the . big judge Among the number arrested
was young man having the appearance of
halfwitted, OyergrOwn country boy. He was
detected IN - scaling the fence" and brought by
n polioenan to the Office Of the justice. The
IubberIv bOv admitted the charge but pleaded in
extenuation that he had no money, and that his
desire to see " the show" had induced him to
commit the wrong. The Squire sentenced him tO
Jail for thirty days to pay fine of five dollars.
The culpnt begun to cry, saying he had no money,
but the Squire was inexorable and unless the FIVE
dollars were paid at once the outside world would
be stranger to him for thirty days. After
continuing 70 blubber for some time, the boy said
his mother had just sent him to the savings bank
in Albany to deposit fifty dollars, and he had the
money with him.
Well said the justice. If you would
avoid going to Jail, take five dollars OF your moth
er's money, and 20 home and explain matters to
her" The boy finally drew of one of his cow
hide boots, and taking from it a small piece of
newspaper, displayed fifty dollar note rolled
within With a sorrOwful look and trembling
hand the bank note was handed to - his honor
who returned fOrty-fye dollars change. This done,
the Justice directed the policeman to take the boy
by the collar and thrust him out of the gate,
which was done by the blue coat, who added by
way of emphasis, a good, sound kick.
As the pretended greenhOrn reached the road
he was laughed at by the crowd, and in reply
said
a. have finished my business in there" The
next day the Squire proceeding to deposit the $50
greenback in the bank, he was informed that it
was counterfeit. Imagine the feelings of a. the
COURT Sold - said be. 50 and got the money
The justice has decided that appearances are de-
ceptive, and with regard to the honesty of strang
ers you can't most always tell" The Squire
q. will keep sharp lookout for country pumpkins
: hereafter.-Troy Times.