Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-05-20
Humorous.
Now THIS is the way in which an i'm

Humorous.
Now THIS is the way in which an i'm
portant moral and financial discovery
was made in San Francisco. A thrifty
shopkeeper, becoming aware OF leak
in his money drawer, SO arranged an
old horse-pistol, charged with powder
only, that the opening OF the drawer
would discharge it. One morning of
went the pistol fortissimo, and re-
spectacle citizen, scared out of his wits,
was found sprawling behind the coun-
ter. 1t was most lamentable case OF
abused confidence, for the respectable
citizen had been permitted to go behind
the counter and help himself to his
matin drinks. After the smoke had
cleared away, he was found not to be
hurt but Inundated and so he cheer
fully paid the shopkeeper $500 to have
the thing go no further. 1t did, though,
or else tow could we be telling the
story?
SOME students fixed up a ghost and
placed it upon the staircase of Troy
newspaper office and then retired and
awaited developments. One OF the
editors came along and didn't get
frightened. He disrobed it, and now
wears a fifteen-dollar pair of panta-
looms, a ten-dollar vest, q seven-dollar
pair of boots and an eight dollar hat,
while one of the students goes about
without a vest, and another roams
around through the least frequented
streets wearing very ancient pair OF
ine1pressibles.
WE wonder that history has been so
negligent regarding the dress worn by
Pocahontas when saving the life OF
Captain John Smith. We suppose,
however, that she wore q red stuff
underskirt, bear-skin kilt, buffalo robe,
corsage cut Pompadour, Scotch stock
ings and bead slippers. She probably
wore her hair high, with feathers, puffs,
and switches, pannier bouffant, and a
diamond cluster ring-in her nose.
THOSE who earn their bread by the
sweat of their brow, would perhaps be
pleased to learn that some one has dis
covered that during days work there
transudes through the seven million
sudoriparous glandule of the human
body about pint and half of perspi-
ration, which has to pass through an
aggregate Of twenty-eight miles of these
glandul@ before appearing upon the
surface.
| REPoRTERs are not always good
anatonists. One of them, in describing
the recent murder at Charlestown, said
of the pistol balls, "One of them en-
tered the right heart near the nipple,
snd the other the side penetrating to
the intentions" Probably the COM
positor is responsible for the ";nten-
tions," which should have read ''intes-
tines"
"As I AM rather a particular man"
said gentleman to a man he was about
to engage as a coachman, 81 shall ex-
pect you every evening to come to my
house for quarter of an hour to attend
family prayer. 1 suppose you do not
object p "Why," answered the man,
81 don't see much to say against it, and
/ hope you will consider it in my wages.
A DOCTOR ran needle into the head
of Duluth man, with the view of as
certaining the effect of electricity upon
the brain pulp. After puncturing his
skull seventeen distinct times, he
greatly encouraged the suffering victim
by saying that he thought he could
continue the experiment with Letter
success upon his wife's emery-bag.
THERE is nothing which so tends to
shorten the lives of old people and to
injure their health as the practice of
sitting up late, especially Winter even
ings. This is especially the case when
there is a grown up daughter in the
family. We publish this item at the
earnest request of several young men.
"ARE You going to make a hower-bed
here, Judkins ?" asked young lady of
the gardener. "Yes, miss ; them's the
orders" answered the gardener. why,
, it'll quite spoil our croquet-grouEd y
Cant help it, miss them's your pas
orders. He says he'll have it laid out
. for horticulture, not for husbandry y
A DUBUQUE man has asked for the
protection of the courts against three
widows, who are trying to force him
into marriage. He must be silly, not
to know that if he told either one of the
, trio of the intentions of the other two
that fight would ensue which would
result in the death of all three.
A HABrrANT of st. John, n. B. lately
found in the stomach of salmon, a
, passenger ticket for the steamer Allan
{ tic, wrecked about a year ago. This
, ticket was printed in English and in
, German. The foolish fish might have
proceeded very we'll on its journey
without the ticket.
A CORRESPONDENT asks the following
question What would be the effect
! produced if Ben Butler were launched
i upon some other planet? Probably to
, convince the inhabitants that this earth
was the abode of lost spirits.
, WHEN Tennessee father walks into
a newspaper Office with shotgun on
his arm and says: my darter has
r writ some poetry which 1 want you to
, publish" how's feller going to plead
press of matter?
READING in the morning paper that
Thalberg had been embalmed by his
r widow, Muggins remarked that he knew
several married men who were kept
alive in pickle by their wives.
; WHEN Birnem Wood was reported as
, coming to Dunsinane, Macbeth inquired
: sarcastically, if every tree was bring,
) ing its own trunk ?" The first instance
l on record of a Scotch joke.