davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
A Sell, Not a Sale.

AM1ABLE shopkeepers deserve to be
canonized. Here is an illustration of the
trials to which they are constantly sub
jected: One midsummer day, when
Eolus slept and the thermometer stood
in the nineties, lady entered store not
thousand miles off, and inquired for
parasols. The obliging proprietor spread
out before her samples of large and
varied stock. "Have you any Of this
shade, size larger p" said the lady. The
size larger was produced. Il think on
the whole I prefer the size smaller" The
size smaller was presented. "Have you
any of this size still lighter shade Of
blue?" The required shade was brought
out. Haven't you any of this kind with
a crooked handle?' The shade with the
crooked handle appeared. "Have you
any with the crooked handle not quite SO
heavy?" said the lady, and so continued
her inquiries for every conceivable size,
shade and weight possible in the line Of
parasols. After nearly an hour had been
thus consumed, the fair shopper gathered
up her handkerchief and gloves and
moved for the door. "Can't sell you a
parasol?" inquired the exhausted proprie-
tor. 80 dear! no." replied the lady,
II was merely inquiring the price. | am
going into mourning myself, and have
one for sale" e."-NeD Bedford Mercury.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
Congressional Speeches With the Laugh
Left Out.

HENCEFoRTH the words daughter"
applause" sensation" and other par
enthetical remarks indicative of the hila-
rious or appreciative demonstrations of
the House are to be omitted from the Of
fetal report of the debates, which will
now be drier reading than ever. The in
telligent constituent, while perusing the
dreary efforts of his member to be witty,
will have to judge for himself where the
laugh came in, and will be thrown back
upon his unaided imagination for pic
ture of the applause which greeted the
flights of eloquence. This important de;
cision was made today at the instance Of
George F. Hoar, who asked by what rule
or authority the words. in question were
for it, and that, as the words only put on
record the fact that the members had vio-
lated the rules which forbade applause or
other demonstrations, they had better be
omitted, and he would direct the report
ers to cease putting them in.-Washsng'
ton Notes IN N. 7. Tribune.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25

saved. It could be seen that the burglars
had actually lived in the house; they had
made raid on the wine cellar and had
left the empty bottles in all corners of the
house. They had left a well-written let:
ter, thanking my uncle for the use of his
house and for what they had taken, and
stating that on some future occasion they
might pay him another visit. Not the
slightest clew to the thieves was ever, so
far as I am aware, discovered. The po.
lice did not allow the thing to get into
the papers, as they thought it might him
der them in finding out the burglars. I
expected some apologies for my state
ments having been doubted. Instead of
that, however, I was told it was very fool
lsh OF me not to have informed the police
of what had seen. The reader may
Judge for himself whether I was more to
blame than those I did inform.-Cham-
bers' Journal.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
Selected 4#i$tellatw.
THE RUBY AND THE ROSE,

He was the Lord OF Merlintower,
And was but Of low degree;
She had her beauty for her dover,
No other treasure needed she;
He came, when hawthorns were a-hower,
And strove to steal my love from me.
Obi she was eweeter than the wind
That blOWeth over Indian isles;
As April bright, than June more kind,
Fawn- wild, and full Of winsOme wiles
And l, alasl had learnt TO find
Ny only life beneath her smiles.
He sent my love ruby rare,
That might have graced imperial brows.
No gem had I. To deck her hair
sent her-but simple rose,
And prayed her, on night, to wear
The gift Of him whose love she chose.
Ss Crown aSse me OF siayi IL Ky soul is Stirred
To challenge fate. My pulses tire
OF fear's chill tremof: sings the bird
OF hope for him who dares aspire!"
A lovers SCROLL and Wild OF word!
We watched her coming, he andI,
With utter dread my heart stood still.
The moons wan crescent Waned on high,
The nightingale had sung his fill,
In the dim distance seemed to die
The echo Of his latest trill.
The flower -trailcd gate, our tryst Of old,
Cleaned whitley meath the clustering bloom
or the dusk-starring jasmine. Cold
His shadow fell, ghoslly gloom
Lurked where it lay. Oh, heart DER boldl
Hast thou but fastened utter doom?
A still, cold smile slept on his face,
That all my hope to anguish froze;
Then, in the silence of the place,
We heard her aower-pied porch uncl0se,
And-in her hairs silk-soft embrace,
There nestled warm ripe-red roeei
-AH the Year R0und
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
NUMBER 33.

the scene unexpectedly. He was so much
gratifled at the cleverness exhibited by his
daughter with her needle that he then and
there resolved that he would never pay
another dressmaker's bill. That young
lady has now strong prejudice against
"sewing parties," and says she was an
idiot ever to attend such an affair.
THE Brooklyn Eagle has discovered the
existence, just beyond the limits of that
city, in stables filed with filth and dirt,
packed together in the closest possible
space and in all conditions of disease, 800
cows fed upon hot swill emptied from an
adjoining distillery, and publishes the
names of some twenty dealers who peddle
the swill milk as "Orange County milk"
to retail dealers and citizens of the two
cities.
A SUCCESSFUL April hoax, or a series
of hoaxes, was perpetrated by the attaches
of the Howard AthenGum last evening.
A wire skeleton was dressed as woman
and placed in seat The pulling of
string caused it to fall to the floor, when
several of the audience were deceived into
giving the supposititious fainter their as
sistanee. The device worked so we'll in
the theater that it was carried into the
streets, and several patrolmen became vic
Tins of the hoax, which was oft repeated
during the night. One was induced to
awaken the women asleep in a door.
way; another was called to the woman
dead; and so on, until the ettigy was
thrown from one of the wharves, and
sympathizing sailor recovered the sup
posed body.-Bostoa Transcript, april 2.
A KENTUCKY paper tells this: One
night last week Mr. Arch Fuller, who
lives on the river, below Barboursville,
was aroused from his slumbers about
midnight by peculiar noise in his yard.
He got up and, upon opening the door,
beheld standing within thirty feet Of his
house large black bear. He sprang for
his pistol and Immediately opened fire on
Bruin. The nj ght was dark, but Arch
could see the bears eyes and knew it was
a bear, and kept on shooting until he had
emptied his revolver. Having no other
weapon about the house he closed and
barred the door and sat down to await the
dawn of day. AS soon as daylight ap-
peared Arch concluded that, as he had
heard no further noise during the night,
he had killed the huge beast and proposed
to make a survey of the battlefield. He
approached the spot where Bruin had
stood, and there, lying PROSTATE, with six
builet-holes through It's body, was found
his wife's wash.tub. Arch had seen
the brass hoops on the tub shining, and
took them for bears eyes.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
BABY SWEET! !!

Papa calls her sweetheart,
Mamma calls her love,
She Is Grandpa's darling,
Grandma's sweetest dove;
Little, laughing baby,
Everybody's pet,
Though she has been with US
Not . six-month yet!
Snow flakes white and foecy
Fall down from the sky,
All this wintry weather
On Earth's bosom lie;
So her baby spirit,
Pure as falling snow,
Came to us from Heaven
Little time agot
What her real name IL,
That I cannot tell,
Lest the listening angels
Call her home to dwell.
Trust to God the future,
He will guide her feet;
In the happy present
She Is Baby Sweet
-Rurl Ne,v Yorker.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
The value of the timber used for fuel

The value of the timber used for fuel
annually in the United States is $75, ,000,-
600, and for fencing, $150,0O0, ,000 The
number of railway ties in use is 10000
600. The average yield of timber land
per acre is 200 ties; hence 10000 acres
of land have been cleared to furnish the
present supply. Railway ties last about
five years; therefore 30,000000 ties are
used annually in the repairs of railways,
taking the timber on 10000 acres. There
is consumed in the manufacture of rolling
stock the timber of 350, 900 acres, and the
growth of 100000 acres more for other
purposes every year. Our railways are
stripping the country of 1000, 900 acres
per annum, and the demand is fast in
creasing.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
Butter Nuts.
BY JOSH BILLINGS,

Sum men pay their dets bi driving
them out ov their memory.
True grateness konsists in allwuss ap-
pearing abuv our fortune, be the same hi
or low.
We seldum do the best we kan-not be-
kause we kant, but bekauze we wont.
Pride seems to be pretty equally divid-
ed. have seen just az mutch pride in a
stage driver and dansing-master az hav
ever seen in newly. .elekted member to
the legislator.
Good LUX makes q wize man karephull,
but phool it makes kareless.
The world judges ov us bi what they
see, no: bi what they know. 1t IL q good
plan, then, to sho them bold front.
It would seem that the poorest friend
and the wust enemy man haz got IL
himself.
It IL the eazyest thing in natur to be
honest, yet most men make dredful hard
work ov it.
He who il allwuss hunting for friends
seldum finds emmy.
l kan most generally tell how other
people ought to akt, but how to akt miself
frequently bothers me.
A thOrOly vain man, after he haZ eX-
hausted all hiz virtews, will begin to
brag to yu about hiz vices.
People are apt to complain Ov the
phools in the world; but the phools are
vittles and drink to the wize man.
ae who il reddy at emmy time to leave
the sosiety ov others for the sosiety ov
himself IL possessed ov one CRATE element
ov happiness.
The CRATE truths are fu and simple, and
those who talk mutch are the ones who
say little.
All datterers live upon flattery, and the
best way to git rid ov them il not to fiat
ter them in return, and they will soon
leave yu.
If it want for kuriosity l. don't suppoze
thare would be mutch enterprise or i'm
provement in the world but the kuriosity
that prompts man to stick hiz fingers
into trap to see whether it will spring
or not seems to me aint wuth the invest
ment.
Nobody really luvs to be cheated, but
it duz seem az tho everybody waz anx-
ious to see how near they could cum to it.
am afrade thare IL more fear than
humility in most kinds ov repentance.
Whenever yu kan extrakt hunny from
wormwood then yu may expekt to git
happiness out ov unlawful plezzures.
Every boldly notisses a flaw in a
diamond, but flaw in pebble excites
no interest.
Most people repent ov their sins b;
thanking God that they are not so wicked
az other pholks are.
He who il vain ov hiz virtews Gf he il
sure he haz got them) haz the best and only
excuse thare il for vanity.
suppoze if thare want solitary human
being on the face ov the earth, the sun
would still rise in the east and set in the
west, the volcanoes would occasionally
vomit fire, and Niagara would keep on
roaring, but thare's lots ov pholks who
don't think so.-N. Y. Weekly.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25
An Astonishing Feat.

A LETTER from Siam to the New York
World thus describes scene at an exhibi.
tion given by some native jugglers
"That is Norodom," whispered Woun~
Tajac in my ear. Another actor now
came upon the scene, whom recognized
to be the tall athlete Tepada. Behind
him came a smaller man, whose name,
Woun-Tajac informed me, was Minhman,
and boy, probably twelve years old,
called Tsin-ki. These four began some
of the most wonderful athletic exhibitions
that can be conceived. It is impossible
to believe, unless you.saw it, what work
these men put human muscle to. l am
not going to provoke the credulity ofyour
readers by attempting to describe the ma
jOrity of them. In one feat Tepada
seized Norodom by his long white beard,
held him off at arms length, and spun
around with him until the old mans legs
were horizontal to the athletes shoul-
ders. Then, while they still spun with
the fury of dervishes, Minhman sprang
up, seized upon Norodom's feet, and spun
out q horizontal continuation of the an
cient, and when Minhman was firmly es-
tablished the boy Tsin-ki caught to his
feet in like manner, and the tall athlete,
every muscle in him straining, continued
to whirl the human, jointless lever around.
At last, slowing slightly, Tepada drew in
his arms till the old mans white beard
touched his body. There was sudden
strain and the arms of the men from being
horizontal became perpendicular, No:
rodom's head resting atop of Tepada's,
and Minhman's head upon Norodom's 4
feet, and Tsin.ki's head on Minhman's
feet. A pause for breath, then the column
of men was propelled into the air, and
presto! Tepada's head was on the ground
Norodom's feet to his, Minhman's feet
upon Norodom's head, Tsin-ki's feet or
Minhman's head. Each had turned 8
somersault, and the column was un
broken.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25

The Mark L<sns E1press places the
annual production of Indian corn in por-
tions Of Europe as follows: France,
80, 900 bushels; Italy, 45,000,O00 bush
els; Austria, II, 1000 bushels; Hun
gary, 66,OO0000 bushele;r Greece,
3,O60OO0 bushels; Portugal, 100000
bushels. The total area seeded in corn is
placed at 100000 acres, and tho pro-
duction at 1,160 0676, 900 bushels.
The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-04-25

,ver there and beg her pardon, and

over there and beg her pardon, and
Georges, too."
Cora Merrilton forgave Mrs. Pecking-
ton-more than her husband could bring
himself to d0-and she even came over
to help the widow make wedding cake
for her own matrimonial benefit.
"For, of course, l knew it would all be
set right sooner or later" said Cora,
cheerfully, "and we'll let by-gones be
by-gones."
And the widow solaced her conscience
by presenting Mrs. Cora with just half the
contents Of the mischievous leather bag
for wedding present
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13

II. BAXTER NIooDEMUs, formerly
of this county, has been nominated as
the Republican candidate for County
Commissioner Of Dodge county, Me-
braska. Election to-day.
nea- If you want some fine article
in the Jewelry line, or Silver Ware,
call on Chas. H. O. Fox, when you
90 to Frederick this week. See adj.
Sixteen new members were added to
the Nj. E. Church OF this place last Sunday
Communion services were held in APP.
pies Church last Sabbath.
cB-Thc Rocky Ridge Fair and Festival
opened yesterday, and will continue every
evening during the week. 1t is going tC
he well attended. Every thing will be su
perb and attractive.
nea-We regret to learn from a cor
respondent in the Baltimore Amer
can of Saturday, that Judge DAME
Weisel, of Hagerstown, has been yer,
iii, lying in comatos, state. Hi
physicians express the hpoe that hi
may recover.
n@- Hon. Lloyd Lowndes, jr., mem
Der of Congress from this district, ap
pointed Ambrose Cramer, son of A. +
Cramer, Esq, of Cumberland city
cadet at the Naval Academy at An
napolss, and on Monday week tn
appoiatee passed the required exami
nation and was admitted to tn
school.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
.S71e;,tts.

Near Crca yc:.town, on Sunday, a'h in
<tant, Mrs. MARY 4 OH, wife of David
kolb, aged abo1l GS years. 49,
In Harbaugh's Valley, on the list inst I.
JOANNA HAPE, aged 80 years and Is
days.
Departed this life, on the morning 81
October Z, 1874, in The City of Bahinrort
Mr.. PETER CLAUTiCE, in the 7Hl
year of his age.
On the 2sth uEimo, near pctersvilic, o.
Typhoid Fever, EMMA F., only daughter
of Benjamin NJ. ana Eliza A. NJ. Rodrick
aged % years, : months and 81 days
On the 2d instant, in Philadelphia, Will
LIAM II iNtY, only son of Charles and
MaryJ Ilardt, in the 18th ycsr Of his aye
On the 3oth ultimo, at Bethel, fNauduicr
county, Va, CHARLES ALFRED scconG
son of Joseph p. and the late Enrlinc Y
Nelson, aged 90 years and 2 months He
leaves father and two brothers tic mourn
their loss. blessed arc they that die in
the lord"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
NJ Office TO TAXPAYERS
For 1874.

For the accommodation of Taxpayers
for 1874, will visit the following places,
for the purpose Of collecting Taxes:
Burkittsvile, on Thursday, November 5tl
at Ptciiers Store.
jefferson, on Friday, November 9Th, a.
Walkers Store.
diminishing, on Monday, Tuesday ard
Wednesday, November 9Th, 10th IL.
1lth, at Western Maryland Hotel
Rocky Ridge, on Thursday, November
l2th, [untl noon at Biggs & Eichcl
bcrScr's Store.
Crcagerstown, Thursday, November, 12,'
lafternoon at Dir. }. l.. Millcr's Store.
Mechanicstown, on Friday and Saturday,
November, 18TH and 14th, at GliDe.t's
! Hotel.
Sabllasvillc, on Monday, November, 1C;
at STEMS Hotel.
Wolfsville, on Tuesday, November, 17th,
at Hoovcr's Store.
Myersville, on "Wednesday, November
18th, at thurman u Bros. Store.
MiddlHown on Thursday and Friday.
November 18th and Goth, at III. Il.
Ioung's Hotel.
Liberty, on Monday, November Esd, at
Munshour's Hotel
Cnionvillc. on Tuesday, November 2ith, at
at Lugenbecl's Store.
Oak Orchard, on Wednesday, November
23tl, ut --Store.
townsville on Thursday November, 2Gi',.
at Devilbiss & lIartsoci.s Store
Woodsbero', on Friday, November 27tIl,
at Smith Hotel.
To Tax payers look to your interest
AMI meet the Collector when you can do 50
conveniently. You may save mlrn
roubIc and perhaps some costs, as colc,-
tons will positively b" enforced iinot pai'l
up promptly. | must have funds and
this is my only remedy.
C-S- AS to Taxes in arrears, | am now
collecting by law as fast as can, and tllcs,'
who suffer must blame themselves as !
have given due warning and do not meant
to tritlc; my duty requires ne to col|rc
promptly, and You surely viii not ask iic
10 set aside duty to ohligc.
GEO. W. MILLER, Collector.
Oct G3w.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
9'nniaqt:z

At1hc r-s.'lnRcc on tlt, brides parents
Va,oc,in Ftsta~"r. on Wednesday ilh in
slant, by Rev. osborne lnclr> o:' Frc,lcr
ich, Mr. JDiS WILSON, c3 Baltimore
40 Miss MARY KNNK Ell, aiasd dauyh
Ter Of Col. } B. kunkrl.
On the .)th OF September. at E'nmits
imrg, by Rev. Rani Mccarthy, Mr.. 10
SEPH ECKEN; 1DE to Mis-, ELIZA
BErH CDOL. both of Adams CO. Pa
On the LIST ip tant. at the Lnthrtan Far
-soaage. in Frederick Nv 1hc Rev. Dr.
Dielll. WILLARD F. FINK to Miss Al.
zee .. REMSBURG, both Of " idlrotnwn
Valley
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
Parties from Washington City are around
here buying up cabbagea and poultry.


Parties from Washington City are around
here buying up cabbage and poultry.
@ Bad week for the Pimlico
Races. Weather disagreeable and
rainy.
Roast chestnuts begin to snap.
A soaking rain on Tuesday night.
The turkey season is approaching.
Fall overcoats will soon make their ap-
pearance.
Now is the time to get out your stoves
polish them and set them up.
1t is about time that Gift Enterprises
and Balloon speculations were stopped.
Now is the time to lay in your wood and
coal for winter use.
The coal traffic ut W:illiamsport is rap
idly increasing. So the ''Pilot" says.
Christmas is coming! 1t is not long
time before 1t will be here.
tB- tits said that some the girls who
promenade Main street, in the cool of tn,
evening, have such large ears that in the
distance they look like angels under full
sail.
For feline music MecIlanicstown cannon
he beat. One well built cat, properly fed
can make more noise in enc night than al
auctioneer with brass lungs Of undoubtet
veracity.
Pay your subscription promptly and die
happy.
Last Wednesday, was about as gloomy
and cherries dry as could we'll be i'm
'agincd.
Soon the sausage will begin to simmer
on the frying pan.
Nothing comes home 10 man as soon a
an unsettled bin.
Ifyou want to feel for Tic poor feel il
pour pocket.
s@- The appearance of Fedora
droors in the Parish of ST.. Martin
Louisiana, has put the White Lacquer
NO flight.
Mr.. A. G. Boyn, Of 41sgerstown
has issued another rnmber Of hi
Monitor se'ni-convenientlv. II,
still keeps pitching into Walsh.
a9~We learn by the I1n'2,y Reg
lister, that IN eight year old son Of Mr.
John Moser, who resides near Broad
Run, was Oh he 3Oth ult. accidental
drowned in Catoctin Creek, whicl
runs close to Mr.. Ms honse. The boy
has been speectless froa birth.
s@,- Thirty-two marriage license
We're issued last monte from I'll,
Clerk Office Of this county.
TAKEN TO FREDERIcH. --jno. II
Swope, who was arrested on Thurs
day Of last t'erf, charged with burn
ang his brothers. barn near Nof:ville
was conveyed OF Monday by deputy
Sheriff WilIteto i e.lerTll,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
NOTICE TO CREDITORS.

NOTICE is hereby given, all persons
~ having claims against Joseph Delphy
in No. 1909, in the Circuit Cour, of Fred.
erick county, sitting in equity, are here
by warned to exhibit the same, with
vouchers thereof, duly authenticated, ia
The Clerk of the Circuit Court of Frederick
county, on or before the
l4M aetv Of November 1eert;
they may otherwise by law be excluded
from all benefit Of said estate Given under
my hand and seal this 18th day of August,
1874. JOHN ROOT,
Oct. 13-4w. Trustee.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
Executors Notice.

NOTICE is hereby given, That tho sub
IN scribcr has obtained from the Or
phans' Ccu:t of Frederick County, Mary
land, Letters Tcstamcntary upon tho es-
tate Of
LEWIS KELLY,
late of Frederick county, deceased, Ar
persons having claims against the said de-
ceased are hereby warned to exhibit the
sane, with the vouchers thereof on or be-
fore The 7th day Of April, 1874 they may
otherwise, by law, I've excluded from all
benefit of said estate. Those indebted to
said deceased arc desired to make immo-
diatc payment.
JAMES w. KELLY,
Oct. 6-5W Executor.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1874-10-13
Beautiful.

On last Sunday we took occasion to WIS.,
it the school of St. Johns Lutheran
church, and was highly gratificd with what
met our eye. The school is in flourish
ing condition-every one seemed to work
with an interest at heart. 1t is enraptur-
ing to hear the grand chorus OF voices, all
blending so swcctly together, as with one
accord all join in song after each success
sve interludc.
In the centre Of the room was an urn
itely arranged with its trailing green vines
extending TO the floor, emitting an odor
very pleasant to inhale. Those beautiful
flowers were gathered from Mrs. John
VIM. Martins flower garden. OBSERVER
JOHN T. FORD, the enterprising
Manager of the Baltimore Theatres
will open at the New City Hall, Fred
erick, Md, this evening with ar
efficient company from Holiday street
Theatre, to continue during the weel,
of the County Fair. Miss Katy May
hew will appear in some Of her prom
inent characters.
Col. FRANK CARLIN, of the City
Hotel, Frederick, is we'll prepared tc
receive and entertain guests during
Cattle Show week. He will serve
their wants in first class style. Give
the Colonel call.
The NJ. f. Church Oyster Festival nj
Smiths new building next week is going
to. be a nice affair. Oysters will be dom
up in all styles and with greet tastc-Tur
keys, chickens, ice cream and all manner
oi good things will be provided. A,ten,
everybody.