Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-10-21
Tit-Bits.

-AU the Yeo, Around
Tit-Bits.
10 secure a result, lock 1t up.
A HIGH note-One of thousand dol
lars.
TT is never too late to marry or to
mend.
LAGER-RHYTHMs- songs of Ger
man students.
In Rome frst-class assassin can be
hired for S..
COOP places for matchmaking
phur springs.
No thoroughly occupied man was
ever yet very miserable.
By explanation, the simplest things
often become obscure.
IT is not falling into the water, but
lying in it that browns.
A SAILOR knows there is a man in the
moon, because he's been to sea.
A WHITE silk cannot be turned and
renovated in fifty efficient ways.
| In Paraguay, girls are not allowed to
chew tobacco till they are thirteen.
NEVER attempt to form an opinion of
woman's weight by her signs.
! EVERY lawyer knows that where there
is a will there is way to break it.
WHEN is a wife like great coat?-
| When her husband is wrapped up in
her.
Mr.. KARD, who sawed off three fin
gers the other day, doesn't hold full
hand
MONEY is a great lever for the care
full. The careless think it a great
leaver.
! PARADoXICAL-many of the sufferers
from hay fever are not in the heyday
of life.
SOLDIERS ought to be good physiog-
nomists. They all know how to write
about face.
In Virginia they manufacture colonies
as fast as they arrive at the proper
period of life.
A PHILOSOPHER has discovered that
men don't object to be overrated except
by assessors.
BAsHFULNEss is often like the plating
on spoons-when it wears off, it shows
the brass.
WE send to our butcher for a sweet
bread, and if we want sweetmeat we
send to our baker
JOSH BILLINGS says
90 Life is full of kare and trubble,
Whether yu go it single dubble.'
CHINA has streets paved with granite
blocks laid over three hundred years
ago, as good as new. The contractors
are dead.
GRINDsToNEs are considered safe
property to invest in, because, if you
cannot sell them for cash, you can al
ways turn them.
TAKE away my first letter, take away
my second letter, take away all my let
tiers, and [ am always the same. It is
the mail carrier.
eff we were to tell half the truth
about what is going on in this town, we
would be mobbed before breakfast. -
Griffin (Ga.) Nea0s.
"OUGHT anybody to eat apple cores?"
inquiries the physician of the Detroit
Free Press. And in our view, of cores
not.-Roch. Dem.
AN authority says that when a woman
gets to be over thirty years of age, she
should not marry, but who ever heard
OF single woman over thirty?
ga DIRGE by the band is rather pleas
ant at a funeral: that is to say, if the
funeral is that of some other fellow
R0ch. Dem.
AN eminent judge said to jury who
had passed sleepless night in their
room, unable to agree on verdict,
Gentlemen, I am surprised that you
cannot agree in this case. I could agree
either way in five minutes.
In England, poor curate, unable to
live on his salary, supported himself by
repairing watches. This was reported
to the bishop as a disgrace to the cloth.
This must be put stop to-" said the
Bishop, Indignantly, and he stopped it
by giving the curate a place worth
So, 900 year.
''Ir is a standing rule in my church,"
said one clergyman to another, " for the
sexton to wake up any man that he may
see asleep. think, returned the
other, g that it would be much better
for the sexton, whenever man goes to
sleep under your preaching, to wake
you up.
A GOOD story is told of last years
freshman at Cambridge, who was sum-
moned to the DEANS Office, and being
asked why he had cut so many recita-
tons lately, replied, "Tooth out" The
dean thinking that rather a poor excuse.
unwittingly said, "Too thin The
smile on the freshman's face caused the
dean to see the ''point +" instantly, and
he dismissed him forthwith. Boston
Traveller
A LITTLE bit of a fellow-small, but
plucky-had conflict with big blub-
berlng clown, on Third street, Wednes
day, and laid the giant out fiat. Some
OF the victims friends condoled with him
after the fray, when,ito the amusement OF
the bystanders, he replied: Well, Iain,t
licked very bad; but it's mighty good
thing for that Teller that he didn't get