The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-08-15
THE ORIGIN OF THAT REMARKABLE APOLOGY.

Mr.. Moulton, apparently affected by my
soliloquy, for it was that rather than conver
sation, said that if Mr.. Titon could really be
persuaded of the friepdliness of my feelings
toward him he was sure that there would be
no trouble IN procuring reconciliation. L gave
nm leave to state to Theodore my feelings. He
tnen prepared to make q memorandum of our
TAX, and sat down at my table and took down
as supposed condensed report of my talk,
Tor went on still pouring my wounded feel
lngs out over this great desoation in Mr. Til
toms family. IIwas not dictation of sentence
a1tef sentence-he mere amanuensis and
composing for him. Mr.. Moulton was putting
in his own words parts of that which l was
saying III my own manner, with profuse ex-
plantations. This paper of Moultons was a
mere memorandum of points to be used by
hlm in setting forth my feelings; that it con-
talns matters and points derived from me is
without doubt but they were put with sem
tences by him. and expressed as he understood
them, not as my words, but as hints of my
figures and letters, to be used by him in con
yersng with MIR. Tilton.
1T WAS AN INCORRECT STATEMENT.
He did not read the paper, nor did / read,
nor have ever seen it or heard it read; until
the publication Of Mr.. Tlton's recent docu-
ments, and now reading it, see in it thoughts
that point to the matter of my discourse; but
it is not my paper nor my sentences, nor is it u
correct report of what L said 1t is a mere
string of hints, hastily made by an unprac-
tlced writer, as helps to his memory, in repie-
senting to Mr.. TiltOn how l felt toward his
family. If more than this be claimed if it be
set forth as in any proper sense my letter,
then dsown it, Some of its sentences, and
particularly that in which l am made to say
that have obtained Mrs. Tilton's forgiveness,
l never could have said, even in substance. /
had not obtained nor asked any forgiveness
from her, and nobody pretended that had
done so. Neither conld ever have said that
Il humble myself before Tilton as before God"
and to the man l thought had deeply injured
| humbled myself, as L certainly did. But it is
useless to anaiyze paper prepared as this
was. The remainder of my plain statement
concerning it will be its best comment This
document was written on three separate sheets
of letter paper. After it was finished Mr..
Mouton asked me if would sign it. | said
no; it was not my letter. He replied that it
would have more weight if in some way ind-
Gated that it was authorized to contain my sen
timents. took spen and at some distance
below the writing and upon the lower margin
| indicated that had committed the document
This written by me- A few words more as
to its further fate. Mr.. Moulton, of his own
accord, said that after using it he would in two
or three days bring the memorandum back to
me; and he cautioned ME about disclosing in
any way that there was a difficulty between
Tlton and me, as it would be injurious to Til
ton to have 1T known that had quarreled with
him, and to me to have rumors set afoat.
MoULToN's DUPLICTY.
L didn't trouble myself about it until more
than year after, when Titon began to write
up his case, and was looking up documents L
wondered what was in the old memorandum,
and desired to see it for greater certainty.
So, one day, l suddenly asked Mouton for that
memorandum, and said: "You promised to re-
turn it to me- He seemed confused for
moment, and said, did I?" Certainly" /
answered. He replied that the paper had been
destroyed On my putting the question again
he replied that the paper was burnt up long
ago, and during the next two years, in various
conversations, of his own accord he spoke of it
as destroyed. had never asked for nor au-
thorized the destruction of this paper, but
was not allowed to know that it was in exis
tence until a distinguished man in New York
within q few weeks past ASSURED me that
Moulton had shown him the original, and that
he had examined my signature to be sure of its
genunness | know that there was a copy of
it since this statement was in preparation.
WHY MR.. BEEcHER REPRoAcHED HIMSELF
While 1 reject this memorandum as my
work or an accurate condensation of my state
ment, it does undoubtedly correctly represent
that was in profound sorrow, and that L
blamed myself with great severity for the dis
asters of the Tilton family. had not then the
light that 1 now have. There was much there
that weighed heavily on my heart and con-
science which now weighs only on my heart i
have not the light which analyses and discrimi-
mates things BY one blow was opened before
me revelation full CT anguish-an agonized
family, whose inmates had been my friends,
greatly beloved; the husband ruined in worldly
prospects; the household crumbing to pieces;
the woman. by long sickness and suffering,
either corrupted to deceit as her husband
alleged, or SO broken in mind as to be irrespons-
ibe, and, either way, it was her enthusiasm for
her pastor, as was made to believe, that was
the germ and beginning of the trouble 1t was
for me to have forestalled and prevented that
mischief My age and experience in the world
should nave put me more on my guard. l could
not, at that time, tell what was true, of all the
considerations urged upon me by Mr. Tilton
and Mr.. MoultOn. There was a gulf before me-
in which lay those who had been warm friends,
and they alleged that l had helped to plunge
them therein. That seemed enough to fill my
soul with sorrow and anguish. No mother who
has lost u child but will understand the wild
accusations that grief produced against all
reason, blaming herself for what things she did
not do, and for what she had neglected to do,
and charging upon herself, her neglect or heed
lessness the death of her child, WHILE ordinarily
every one knows that she has worn herself on
with her assiduities.
RECONCILIATION.
Soon after this l met Titon at Mouton's
house. Either Moulton was sick or was very
late in rising for he was in bed. The subject
of my feelings and conduct toward Tilton was
introduced. made statement of the matters
under which had acted in c,unseling Bowen,
and of my feelings in regard to the Tilton
family, disclaiming with horror the thought of
wrong, asd expressing desire to do whatever
lay in human power to remedy any evil had
occasioned, and to reunite his family. Tilton
was silent and sulicn He played the part of
an injured man, but Moulton said to Mr.. Til
ton, with intense emphasis: THAT is all that
gentleman can say, and you ought to accept
it. 1t is an honorable basis of reconciliation"
This he repeated two or three times. Tilton's
cYuntenance changed under Moulton's strong
talk. We shook hands and parted in q friendly
way. Not long afterward Tilton asked me to
his house, and said that he should be glad to
have the good old times renewed. do not re-
member whether | ever took meal after this
under his roof, but L was certainly invited by
him to renew my visits as formerly. never
resumed my intimacy with the family but once
or twice. l went there soon after my reconcile
alton with Mr.. Tlton, and at his request.
A SCENE AT TILToN's HOUSE.
l fortunately remember a scene which took
place at his house, when he talked about his
wife and me in a very gracious mood. He be-
gan by mourning his sorrows, and he was very
desolate. The future seemed quite dark. After
impress;ng us with his great patience he grew
generous, praised me to his wife, saying that
had taken upon myself all blame of past
troubles, and had honorably exculpated her,
and telling me that his wife likewise had be-
haved very magnanimously, had blamed her.
self, and declared that was biameless and he
closed his homiy with increasing hope, and
then saying that as deep as was his misery, he
did not know but that it would work out in the
future more cheerful home than he had be-
fore ! restrained my smiles at,the sabsurdity
of the thing, well confident to have it so, and,
even thinking he was generous in his way, this
seemed to me the end of trouble. With SEN
stive and honorable man, who had no ulterior
designs TO accomplish, it would have been the
burial OF the difficulty 1 supposed Mr. Tilron
had given up the idea of Intentional wrong on
my part and forgiven my unintentional wrong.
TILToN's MERcENARY MOTIVES.
plainly understand now what did not then
suspect, that my trouble of mind was to be
kept alive and nourished, so that might be
used to act on my friend in securing from Mr..
Bowen the money which Mr.. Tilton claimed to
be due as compensation for his expulsion from
the two newspapers.
TILToN's HYPOCRISY.
Mr.. Moulton and Mr.. Tilton both strove to
obliterate from my mind all belief in the ru
mors that had been circulated about Mr. Til
ton. There was much going on in silepcing,
explaining, arranging, Sc, that did not un-
derstand as well then as now, but of one thing
/ was convinced, viz, that Mr.. Tilton had the
highest sense of marital purity, and that he
had never strayed from the path of virtue,
which preservation he owed, as he told in q
l.. -