The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-20
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


iikely TO hedrt Benuls.--hdnkakfe Gazeut.
The above is from Kankukees worst hon,
bert, we believe. II gives us pleasure 10 'ii'o'
The Gazette fellow that We are not IN 'he pf''
business and Il we were, would not lend Inn
hricl though he were dying of drouth!
A D. 1000. Scene before cremation un"'
,oror,s shon small boy say sir is dad don
r.,y rf bc is. please put him in this ere u
kettle"
uoro ;s a new way OF insinuating that a cei
tain railroads trains are SLOW -,
A, Iowa engineer married young lady VIM
,,ai,ing for q train last week. mat no i.'
sbakes A couple might marry anu taise Il '. ~,
iiv of children while waiting ior ''"'u ~ 49,
g. d W. depot,
Tho editor of the Columbia, ;. g., MAJ, VIA
,,rotesu, oloouepce acknowledged the receipt u
al, ,,,,,cb in one column, and in the next
,,,hrsbed Temperance Department" soHe'
hody complained of his Inconsistency, ana nc Ca
Mains that the editor OF the -HGH has EotHlHa
70 do with what goes into the temperance COL
umn OF his paper, nor have the gentlemen VINO
corduct that department anything TO 40 WIN
WIN, coes into the editor Of the -ud@'
The editor of the Leavenworth Dd"y argus re-
marks on the obituary Of his paper: We went
into the business determined to run 1t or bust
We have busted"
Some one suggests that the best way 10 get
rid OF bed. bugs is to give them SAT- water i.Is
will make them thirsty, and while thcy are " ave.
4 drink move your bed into another rooih'-
Still another is to tickle the bug with straw
mill he laughs and then cram the straw down
his throat and afterwards cremate him
A Davenpor, paper thus does up a local incl
dcnt
One of the hands engaged in unloading barge
the other day was accidentally knocked INTO inc
river After making frantic eXertlohs 10 Ee. ou'
and becoming exhausted, he concIudeo tha' 'T N.Y.
was no other alternative but to go DOWN inns
he concluded to do in style, and IN strengthening
himself ais feet struck bottom This gave him
fresh hope, and he stood up, astonished TO hnd
that the water was only couple OF feet deep
This from an unknown exchange, is good
enough to remember:
They inscribed on his monument, Died Of
Commission" He wrote it thus, and had 1t print
ed in the county paper:'
Maud, Mary Jane, Pilkington Filler,
White -skrted marvel OF duty;
The wide world can never beguile her.
Nv gold.headed blue beted beauty"
But the compositor made an Of the in
- sElrtcd' ana DcIlcU WIS spclltu Win D anu
an l. No wonder the poor fellow died. [,
The local editor of the Flndlay (O) Coaricr is
mad because somebody put an empty whisky
bottle in his post Office box. If it had been full
be wouldn't have said word.
little girl WHO fell off Long Bridge aud near
" drowned was rescued bya young man. II is
CopsO!iug 10 think that the child is only five
years Of age the usual den0uement may be avert
ed, but We advise the young man to emigrate, or +.
ahe will 20 for him As soon us she is old enough,
aud girls do grow so fast in this cQuntry,-sQa }
francisco FcrS letter.
A lady lecturer believes that women ought to
.etain their names when they get married. She !
has retained hers thus far.-EJ 2
She must be an old maid or her husband is IN
he peritcntiary or has no rights that she is
,oGDd to respect
The Stcrlin. Gasettc informs us that there Is |
ll.nd family in Union Grove township whose po-
ta;o patch has never been troubled by the potato
bug. Who would suppose that potato bug !
could be 80 generous: c
The following is an instance OF the Severely :
calm" style Of western reportorial descriptions:
Yesterday morning boy saun.ered into yard
on Eighth street, where woman was scratching =
in the bosom of the earth with rake, and, lean
ing on the fence SAID Are you going round the
tack yard after while" The woman said she !
didn't know; maybe she would. Why? "Be- q
cause" the boy said, al just the cstern lid [
drop on the babys head minute ago, and n
thought if you went around you might lit it of" r
II is currently reported that the woman went. -
Sometimes editors IN the far west rise up equal f
to any emergency. Here is how fellow did the t
jenkins part in an Indian dance:
At the last grand ball at Wyoming, Miss --- u
was attred in buff gros grained buckskin dress II
with an army blanket oyerskirt, bottom looped ?
up with buckskin strings cut bias. Hair dressed Il
a la Red Cloud, in which was twlned few sprigs i
Of sage BRUSH the whole secured behind in a +
lunch with handsome pin made with pine +
splinter and bufalo's ear.
We object to cremation on another ground.
when widow would weep over an editors Il
ashes some fendish paragraphist would remark, v
How natural he lOoks-al lye'
Here il an item which is of a very soothing !
nature 5
man recently visiting one Of the cemeteries !
10 Portland Me, overheard thrice made widow 4
mol yet Ola or homely, who was standing beside /
three mounds, remark to a gentleman. who was 1
known 10 have been attentive To the widow i'm
her youth: Joe, you might have been in that !
row Lad you possessed a little more COURAGE y d,
Ottawa has passed an ordinance prohibiting the /
pToniseuous rambling Of hens, and Beemu, has /
begau 70 patronze the free lunches again.-Ran c
tIl6t Gdz,ttc {
Docs the Gd5,'te fraud mean 10 insinuate ,hs, o
now that chickens are shut up, we can't steal EN-
any more and hence our only recource is to eat
'ite lunches or starveg That's lie!
lady remarked "The climate of America
upesh agree with me, and wish Columbus had
Le'eF discovered the place anyhow might have
-Ey. wv my sell II
she might have been born in New jersey anal
been happy.
some one says If we would show opr..,,c.
really good 10 our daughters VIC must he yonc,
oGs TO them in q truer sense than that Of ham,
ing 'Fnkets on their ne ks" No words copldl,c
more sensible Nine girls out Of ten wouId r,,,.
cr have a Handsome Teller" hanging around ,,rn
Than q necklace. Parents should retncmhsr tn. ]