The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1874-03-16

would have to get up and leave and
hurry of toward home. Then when
the enemy retreated we would come
back again with our feet vet and our
nervous systems injured BY fright, and
just as we got full Of rations again
some ridiculous officer would prance
up and began to drill US until GU. legs
ached and our trowsers were covered
with mud. Every time gun went of
in the nsighborhood we were scared
nearly to death, and once when the
enemy actuall Y surprised us, several oil
our men started for Hudson's Bay, and
hurried go to reach the destination that
they didn't stop for food. and remained
hungry for three or four hours at q
time. Then imagine what we suffered
ON our muskets ! Whenever one
them was accidentally discharged it
usually kicked the holder thirty or for
ty yards to the rear, and ended by
dropping on his corns. There were few
soldiers in that war who suffered as
we did. There were few who retreated
so swiftly and 80 often, and came back
with such painful slowness. And not
one OF us shed drop OF the enemys
blood. We were opposed to the san.
culinary method of conducting war. and
we tried to set the foe a good example
in this respect. 1t didn't seem 10 inn
press them much, though. They hun.
ted US with infamous ferocity. But
now we want a pension. We want a
pension 80 that we can save up the
money and buy substitute who will
60 and die for Us in the next war II
is sweet for substitute to die for one
country, much sweeter than TO dc tor
it yourself.
We are very sorry, indeed, TO learn
inat German chemist has succeeded
- making first-rate brandy out OF saw"
lu-'. We are a friend OF the temper.
-rra movement, and we want it to sue
..rl. But what chance will it have
" nrn man can take ri p cav and go
out aud get drunk with q feuCe-rail 2
What is the use of probibitory liquor
law il man ia able to make brandy
smashes out OF the shiugles in his root,
or il be can get delirium tremens by
drinking the legs OF his kitchen chairs ?
You may shu! 90 iuebriate out Of gin
shop, aud keep him away from tav"
erns, but ii:he can become uprosrlous
on boiled sasdust aud desicated win
ow-sills, any effort al reform must
necessarily be a failure. 1t will be
wise, therefore, if the temperance So
cieties will butcher that German chem
ist before he goes any further. His re-
clpts ought not to be made public. He
should be stuffed with distilleG board
yards until he nprjshcs with m1NiG-a'
potts
An Episcopal clergyman IN thia
neighkorhood eaid, at a meeting the
other day, where ritualism was being
discussed III there is much more fuss
about the kind Q. garments ministers
shall wear in the pulpit. some OF us
will perform the seryIccs with none
at ALL" OF course, as this ls a free
country, every maa may do as he
pleases, but we must cay that while q
minister who comes into church with
nothing at all on him but his hair and
whiskers and toc-nalls may mean we'll
his conduct would seem to US to be
somewhat wrong. We would not 20
to a church where the clergyman te'
haved so, tven if it WAS the only church
in the country. We approve OF simp.i-
city in dress, especially in the pulpit, but
this custom is hardly rich enough.
Even the most evangelical and unr!tu'
alistic pastor might at least wear an
umbrella and pair OF wristbands into
the sanctu sry.
We see in enc OF the papers ! para
graph from q Washington letter, which
saws that it costs the government -
600 to bury Congressman who dies
at the capital. We should have no.
ticed the statement but for the fact ths
we have come across another ststemsp'
to the following effect Recently ar
eccentric Englishman died and left fif
ty pounds in his will 10 London gas
company on condition that it should
convert him into gasin one OF its cruel
bles." Now, if it is really practicable
to make gas out Of an ordinary human
being, imagine how enormous wouI'
be the quantity that could be made from
an average Congressman, who is chief
composed OF gas Therefore instead o
spending so much money TOR funerals
we insist that hereafter every defuno
| Congrcssmen shall be turned over 10 th
gas company to be worked up and rul
through meter aud sold BY the cuol
foot. 1t would be an unusually eIhll
aratiug experience to read q newsPape
by the light Of a vaporized Congress
mat, and turn that statesman out whe
VIC get into bed There are grea
many Coogressmeu VINO never Wi
throw light on any thing unless the
are put through q crucible and emI'te
from a burner,-.Har 13c!lr.