The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-02-14
O Err WALTON S.
BY MAX ADELER.
From the Saturday Evening Post,

| . From the Saturday Evening Post.
| It is now asserted that the cholera which
appeared in the southwest last season was
of an entirely new type, and that 1t has
never been seen in any country but this.
We are the most inventive people on earth.
When we do have a disease we get up a new
variety of our own and keep it to ourselves.
There is Busby for instance. He has iil-
vented a new bunion which is warranted to
foretell rain in any climate and to hurt
worse than four bunions of the old kind.
Busby has taken out a patent for the inven-
ton, and none are good unless they have
Busby's trademark stamped ON them. In
introducing this article to the public we
who wants a bunion which will ache in good
solid earnest, which will ache straight
| ahead for months at a time, can afford to
neglect Busby. He makes them of all sizes
from that of door knob up to that Of a
candle box. The Busby bunion is certain
to take the prize at the Centennial Exposi-
ton. One bunion placed on the foot of Old
Probabilities in Washington would enable
him to tell with certainty when it is going
to rain in Peru.
An Indian named Squatting Bear came
into Omaha the other day and while he was
in condition of intoxication somebody
induced him to go in and take q Turkish
bath. The next day he went home. AS he
approached the camp squad of Indians
rushed at him and began to shoot arrows
hawks. He yelled for them to stop, and
asked them what they ment by treating him
in that manner. He declared that he was
Squatting Bear. They received the state
ment with derision. But as he insisted
upon it, they took him to his wigwam to see
what his squaw had to say about it. That
amiable woman Instantly darted at his hair
and began to tumble among it with a carv
ing knife, while his dog bit cofee-colored
chop out of his left leg. Then they took
him away and killed him. 1t was the first
wash he had had since 1927, and it was too
much for him. His fate affords an impressive
warning against the folly of a asudden change
of habits. Let our readers who have not
used soap since 1927 beware how they begin
the practice now.
We have for many years hoped that some
scheme would be discovered for the utiliza-
ton of grandfathers. A dead grandfather
at present is an absolute waste. He is
inferred, and that is the end of him. Waste
is abhorrent to science, and it therefore
behooves us to consider how it can be pre-
vented in these cases. Two plans now
present themselves. At the last meeting of
the Snyder County Agricultural Society,
the man VINO ror years has taken the first
prize for grapes disclosed the secret of his
success, by stating that he had his grand
father planted around the roots of his grape
vine. This opens up vast field for exper-
iment in one direction, and we are now glad
to learn that Denver man named Brown,
having exhumed his grandfather and found
him in petrifed condition, is now exhibit
ing him around the country at ten cents
head admission. Which method is the
better we cannot say. We have no prefer
ence. But those who cannot determine the
fact might, for instance, plant their pateInal
grandfather by their grapevine and petrify
| their maternal grandfather for show pur-
| poses. 1t may not be amiss to state that
there is no objection to putting a great
grandfather by the grapevine roots. The
result is the same as when the example of
the Snyder county man is exactly initiated.
DR.. Joness wife was awakened by noise
| in her room the other night, and when she
sat up in bed she saw the doctor standing
over the armchair in the room. He had a
towel tied around one of the legs Of the
chair, and with a handsaw he was cutting it
in half. Mrs. Jones exclaimed:
Henry, what in the name of common
sense are you doing?"
"H-s-s-h," " replied the doctor, "you'n
wake the patient. You hold the chloroform
to his nose while take his leg off. I'm
| about half through the bone now"
Then Mrs. Jones got out Of bed and shook
him, and pinched him. until he awoke.
| Then he exclaimed.
How's the patient ?'
| Mrs. Jones merely said, "come to bed,
| you idiot, and stop hacking up the furni-
ture,"
"Gracious, Maria, said the doctor as he
| collected hisscattcred senses, do you know
thoughS I was in the hospital saving off,
leg that had compound fracture! There's
a fifty dollar fee gone.''' + 81. '.7.
| And Jones went to bed feeling as if he
was an injured man at having lost that
money. - a-..7 f#a..f.
Anarticle upon ssGiants, which appeared
recently in an English weekly journal, con-
tains this extraordinary assertion: W hales,
which by their immense bulk are more
proper to be substituted for the largest
giants, have neither arms nor legs" IF
| this is true, then we have been grossly
| deceived Ever since our childhood we
have been taught to believe that whales had
legs, and we imagined that the recent
/ extraordinary advance in the price Of PAN
falcons was caused by the preparations Of
the whales for cold weather. But it seems
that we were misled. Thus it is that the
cherished idols of our youth are swept away
one by one! We could give up our faith in
the reality of William Tell, and in the
genuineness of the story about Washington's
little hatchet without sigh; but it is hard,
/ very, very hard to surrender our belief in
whales legs. af3Hf a.s
THE REV. Dr.. STONE on THE NEWsPA-
PER.--Tn recent sermon the Rev. DR..
Stone, of California, is reported to have