Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-05-07

Dlp6u anu MI. IL
Afterward, when the latter gentleman
had discovered that Charlie was the
author of this graceless lick, he had IN
the first flush of his wrath threatened the
bow with Gaming. And Charlie, regret
exceedingly to state, had Immediately as
sumed Durilistic attitude, and revolving
his fists rapidly Che measured full five
feet threeA. after the supposed manner of
tbe late John c.. Heenan, he had assumed
that he should like to see him Mr.. Archer
try il on" and had then muttered some
tbi1g in reference to putting head" on
some nerson or persons not specified
II is needless for me at this point to at
tennt to inculcate moral lesson Every
welI-regulated boy who may read this
story will readily see that Charley's act
was very wrong.
It was all bad enough; but, as if not
satisfied. this sad boy stole stuffed
monkey from the case in DR.. Adams
study and fastened pair of large green
| goggles astride its nose, and, encircling
its neck with strip Of red flannel, he in.
closed the same in a handbook, and writ
inc on the cover of the box, "With the
commitments Of Robert Archer, ESQ.,"
he dispatched it, per small boy, to the
residence of Miss Rebecca Fletcher, who
was single young lady Of eight-and-
thirty seasons, popularity supposed to
cherish an unrequited affection for Mr..
| Archer.
Miss Fletcher fell into the most rigid
| mysteries upon the receipt of this cheerful
present Il do not wonder at it,, and the
/ paternal Fletcher, who was cnoleric
old gentleman, hastily loaded his double
barreled gun with the avOwed determine
ton Of seeking Mr.. Archer's life. But
fortunately Charles share in the matter
was discovered in time to save Mr.. Archer
| from the wrath of the aged party referred
| to, and Charlie was threatened with
trouncing number two, which, on the
whole, am rather sorry he did not get !;
for it is a sad thing to send a dead mon
KEY with spectacles on and red rag
round its neck as present to lady.
One evening Mr. and Mrs. Barton were
invited to take tea at neighbours, and as
the servant was tripping her light fantas-
tic toes at a dance down town it became
necessary to leave the youth in question
IN charge OF the baby. 1t was with the
greatest reluctance that Mrs. B., after
! numberless embraces of the infant and in
structOns to Charlie (who was absorbed in
/ the perusal of one of Oliver Optics most
/
! bottle with a gum muzzle containing the
necessary nourishment, left the hope of
the Barton family, and when fairly under
way she ran back for the purpose of one
| last smOthering embrace of the "tiddy
/ little sing" whatever that may signify
But hardly had the door finally closed
| upon Mrs Barton than her juvenile
/ brother laid down his book, and after
executing a species Of triumphant war
dance, at the same time Whistling softly
the bars of popular melody, he surveyed
! the sleeping infant with triumphant air
and muttered, " Reckon old Archer III be
! a little s'priseG when he comes to see
what he's got for present." after which
mysterious words he took a market
basket from the closet and, placing the
child with an infnitude of wraps therein,
| departed from the room.
| Mr.. Archer was Illuminating alone by
| the sittlng-roOm fire, with his feet elevated
somewhat above the level of his head, the
family of Greens having gone out to
spend the evening, when a sharp ring at
| the door-bell brought him to his normal
| position, and Selling the lamp he opened
the front door and beheld a market
| basket.
That butchers boy must be in a
! hurry" remarked Archer, as, shutting the
door, he sat the basket down with a crash
when, to his infinite horror and dismay,
yell like that of a juvenile fend burst
| from the interior of the same, and as he
exclaimed BY Jove! it's-it's baby!"
he sat down on the front stairs and cool
perspiration ran the whole length of his
| spinal column.
"What on earth shall | do ?' muttered
the wretched man, as he cautiously APP
| preached the resting place OF the child,
whose shrieks became more frantic; with
the courage of desperation he proceeded
| to uplift the infant-fOrtunately right side
up-but as he awkw ardly attempted to
hush it's cries bv saving Shoo-shoo,
now" the cries were redoubled, and MI.
Archer began to think darkly of the way
in which young kittens are disposed OF.
In most well-regulated stories-where a
baby is left under these or any other
| circumstance5-whe it is found, it al
ways looks sweetly into its discoveries
face, and "coos" (Which, believe, IS the
correct EXPRESSION, or stretches its little
| arms to be taken up, or smiles so sWeetly,
or something of the kind.
| This, being real flesh and-blOOd baby,
did nothing of the kind. But it choked,
| and roared, and squirmed, and turned
| purple in the face to that extent that Mr..
Archer in his desperation was about to
take it out to the kitchen sink and pump
water upon its head when, to add 10 his
perplexity and dismay, the door-bell rams
again.
Possibly the wretched mother may
have repented deserving her child, was
the cheering thought that passed through
his mind as he made rapid rush to the
door, accompanied by a fresh outburst
from the interesting infant.
But, 10 his dismay, who should be
there but Miss Fletcher, who had come to
call on the Green family.
Why, Mr.. Archer-I didn't Know
thOHght-vou didn't like children!" was
the remark of the astonished lady, as Mr..
A, with a scarlet countenance, attempted
to make himself heard above the din, and
to explain the situation.
Like mp shouted Mr.. Archer, as
though Miss Fletcher had been hard OF
hearing; " I'm going to drown thls-thls
-wretched being, if / can find salt bag
anywhere handy" and we are not alto
gether sure but that he would have made
his threat good had not Miss Fletcher,
after moments hesitation as to the
propriety" of the thing, stepped into the
entry and taken the child in her arms,
and then, to the wonder and awe OF MIR.
Archer, there was a sudden cessation OF
the tUmult, and as the distorted features
settled down into something like their
original shape Miss Fletcher exclaimed
as she trotted the now pacified baby on
her knee
/ Wbv ;t'c Ii++1o Da;cv Port0n ~ 4 nd