The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1874-01-17
1NGLE COPIES, THREE CENTS
HUMOROUS.


his motive for getting elevated: ''It's
the fashion. Moneys tight (hic);
rivers tight, and (hlc) I'm tight"
"A man was boasting that he had
been married twenty years and never
given his wife cross word those
who knew her saJ he didn't dare to.
Boswell once asked johnson if
there was no possible circum 4atce
under which suicide would iu+tiiable.
NO." said johnson, "Well," said
Boswell, suppose man had been
guilty of fraud, aud that he was certain
to be found out" "Why, them" was
the reply, "in that case let him 90 to
some country where he is not known,
and not the place, where he is known"
The following story. should be read
in a melancholy mood A matter of
fact old gentleman in in this place,
whose wife was a thorough "Destruc-
tionist," was awakened out of sleep by
his possessed rib, one stormy winter
night during the Millerite excitement
with, "Husband! did you hear the
noise? us Gabriel q coming! It's tho
sound of the chariot wheelsl' "Oh,
pshaw. you old fO0l?" replied the good
old man. do you s'pOse Gabriel is
such an ass as tt come on wheels in
such good sleighing as this? tell you
it's not in him turn over and go to
sleep"
This event occurred during big
blow on the Mississippi, alta time when
so many stray RATS were swamped, and
go many steamboats, lost ther sky.rig-
ging. A raft was just emerging from
Lake Pepin aS the squall came. In a
moment the raft was pitching and with
ing as II suddenly dropped into Charyb-
dis. While the waves broke over 1t
with tremendous. .uproar, anu expecting
| instant destruction, one raftsm.,n drop.
ped on his knees and commenced pray
ing with vim equal to the emergency
Happe ming to open his eyes for an
instant, he discovered his companion,
not engaged in prayer, but pushing at
| the. side of the RAFT. ''What'S that
yer doin', Mike?" said he, 'Get down
ON yer knees now, for there isn't
/ mint between US and purgatory." "Bs
aisy, now Pat," said the otner as lie
cOolly con .inued to punch the water
with his pole, "Be aisy now. What's
the use OF praying when feller eau tech
bottom with pole?" .|..
Tile Scotchman says: ISLANDER is
an over true tale that one guide woman
tells of anlther. The wretch Is living
yet.
-"Good-by, you old scolding red
head heathen," wrote Dubuque man
to his wife the last thing before suicid-
ing. She says Sized ike to have got
hold o. him tor about one York minute.
The following specimen of postal
card was mailed at post Office not q
thousand miles, from RansOn: Deer
brother. l set down to pen you few
lines herd you was dead. Pleas rit
and let me know if it is SO.
When the negro down in Louisiana
was hauled up tor stealing bacon, he
put in as q defence that he was told by
his political teachers, that now, when
lie had the right to vote, lie must take
"sides" somewhere. I.. 81.
! -iI say, Murphy, what's the mean
ing OF mystery? Faith, was racing
the paper, and it said twas mystery
how it was done." SWELL" said Muir
ply. "Pat, III tache ye. Ye see, whin
lived with me father, little gossoon,
they Civ a parthy, and me mother wint
to market to buy somethin' for the
partly to ate, and among ot of other
things she bought q half q barrel of
pork, ye see. Well, she put it down in
the cellar, bless her sowl, for safe kap-
ing till the party come on, do ye see.
Well, whin the partly come on, me
mother siDt, me down to the cellar to
get some of the pork. do ye see. Well,
/ wint down to the barrel and opened
it, aud lished about, but divll bit of
pork could l find; so l looked around
the barrel TO see where the pork was,
and found rat-hole In the bottom of
the barrel, where the pork hal all run
out, aud left the brine standing, do ye
see." "Hould on. Murphyl hou.d on!
4 wait bit; now tell me how could all
the pork git out of the barrel and lave
the brine standng?" well, Pat"
said Murphy, 'that's what I'd like to
know meseif, do ye see; there's the
mystery" .3aa
| The young oaator in Illinois who
in a recent speech threatened to grasp
ray Oh llSuL IIOm tue great OrO OF
day, spin it into threads OF gold, arG
with them weave shroud in which to
wrap the whirlwind which dies upon
the bosom of our Western prairies,"
has concluded it wouldn't pay.
When Arthur was a very small
boy, his mother reprinanded him ono
day for some misdemeanor. Not know
ing 1t, his father began to talk to him
on the same subject. Looking up In
his face, Arthur said, solemnly, "My
mother has tended to me-"
D "A little boy and girl had been eau
toned never to take the nest-egg when
they gathered the eggs; but one even
ing tha little girl reached the nest first,
seized on the egg, and started for the
house. Her disappointed brother fol-
lowed, crying "Mother! mother
Susy, she's been and got the egg the
Old hon measures by ~ 1s4 ,l.i -si.l O.
r. --''Hsve YOU seen my black.faced
antelope ?" inquired Mr.. Leoscope, who