Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-11-04

StretcneO 1Ortn MS nanu 10 receive ina,
balance, and, with an arch and knowing
look, replied "Try him, friend, try
him." and pocketed the coppers NUT
tering to himself ''Not to be done in
that way"
THEY tell tough story about two
sagacious mules out in Virginia City,
Nevada. The mules were as good as
can be made. Hank Blanchard, their
owner. was driving them one day, with
friend-Penn-in the wagon. The
mules came to place and stopped, and
refused to move a step further. They
both looked toward the roadside. Hank
looked, too, and saw what was the mat
ter with the mules. There was a sign
there, which read, ebay $50 ton." the
regular price being S25. Hank got ont
of the wagon, went and talked to the
man of the sign, and came back and
told Pagan that he had ordered ten tons
of that hay at greatly reduced rates,
and that his mules might consider
themselves in clover. He got into the
wagon, and the mules trotted briskly
off.
APRoPos of the Tyndall- Darwin the
ories comes in one Of Gen. Sckenck's
latest stories that he told to the wife of
a British cabinet officer who assured
him that England made America all
that she is" Pardon, madam" said
the general; "you remind me of the
answer of the Ohio lad in his teens,
who, attending Sunday school for the
first time, was asked by the teacher,
GkIhA ln l.
why, God made me about so tong
(holding his hands about ten inches
apart, but l growed the rest"
A COUPLE of Irish lads, wishing to
obtain little pocket money, deter !
mined to go into the country during
harvest time and work among the farm |
ers. "Can you cradle ?" asked the
farmer. Now, an Irishman in search of
work was never known to confess ignor- |
ance of anything, but the question was
perpiexer. The boys looked at each
other for a suggestion. No use. At
length Dennis, looking boldly at the
farmer, said: "Of course We can
cradle but couldn't ye give us an out
door iob?"
4 MOBILE man, who, on returning
home from his days business, was sur
prised to receive the congratulations of
his friends at his having narrowly es-
capped from drowning, thought it very
good sell, and laughed immoderately
until he learned that they had handed
his best Sunday -go-to-meeting suit to
darkey who had called to break the
news, and get him some dry clothes.
STARTLISG.-It didn't rain for some
time in a Western town, and when the
floods did descend, the editor said
"After many days of arid dessication,
the vapory captains marshalled their
laundering hosts and poured out upon
scorching humanity and the thoroughly
incinerated vegetation few inches of
"aqua pluvialis. Good gracious
''YoU ARE from the country, are you
not, sir?" asked a city clerk of a
Quaker who had Just arrived. "Yes."
"Well, here is an essay on the rearing
OF calves" THAT" said Aminadab
as he turned to go, 'thee had best
present to thy mother"
ONE of the Beecher girls used to say
that she had three rules to guide her in
copying her fathers manuscripts If a
letter was dotted, it was not an ;. if
letter was crossed, it wasn't, and, if
a word began with a capital letter, it
didn't begin a sentence.
A FAT French lady says: 81 am SO
Thin that l pray for a disappointment
20 make me thin. No sooner does the !
disappointment come than the mere
of growing thinner gives
ne such Joy that / become fatter than
ever.
"WHAr do you mean ?" inquired an I
nquisitive lady of a facetious lawyer,
by the term, putting a leading ques-
ion 2" when l offer you my arm,
lear" said the learned gentleman ;
'uiting the action to the word.
IT Is solemn thing-a very solemn .
hing to get married-to feel that hence
'orth through life the mild-eyed girl at
7our side is to be the only female in the
Wild world duly licensed to throw fiat
rons at your head.
THERE is one consolation in being
BALD. When a policeman strikes you
IN the head with his club, the doctor
loesn't have to waste any time in cut
ing hair away from the wound.
SAID a conscientious auctioneer
Ladies and gentlemen, there is no
'ham about the carpets they are :
genuine tapestry carpets. / bought
hem of old Tapestry himself.
An OLD maid suggested that when
men break their hearts it is all the same
Is when a lobster breaks one of his
'laws-another sprouts Immediately,
md grows in its place. /
"How MANY regular, steady boarders
re there in this house ?" asked census
aker of servant girl. There's fifteen
n all, sir, but not more'n four of 'em is
teady persons, sir"
"PA, DO storms ever make malt +
liquors ?" "No, child, why do you
SIX ?" because 1 heard ma tell Jane B
o bring IN the clothes Tor storm was
'rewing."
''Is ME brothers body here 2" asked
Pat of the morgue-keeper. 81 dunno"
Och, said Pat, you'll know him in a :
minute by an impediment in his
peech.
Coop MORNING, Smith you look
leepy;" Yes" replied Smith. sT j
vas up all night" "Upl where 7"
Up stairs in bed.
ME. MARRowFAT defines a ''fashion.
BILE church as place from which
,eople go to heaven for wearing good
lothes.
SOMETHING new for the Orientalists' :
did Noah's bees do
Fhile afoat? They kept the archives.