Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1874-10-31

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permanently cure a woman's tar
trums.
When a woman has tantrum an,
has a fit of Mysteries she would di
before she would own the truth an,
tell that she had worked herself nj
into Mysteries. It's always he
nerves that is the matter. Ac
cordingly, when my lady hearc
the doctor coming, her nerves be
came very bad again. She frs
opened one eye to see that she wal
in becoming attitude, then she be
gan and carried on fearfully. Sh,
rolled up her eyes and choked her
self, and jerked all over, and anor
she sighed like a tea-kettle. Th.
doctor came in. My lady opened
her eyes little, and made believe
she was sufocating.
"Oh. doctor!" says she, ''its nv
nerves again. There's volcano in.
side Of me. Nobody in the world
ever had such nerves as Pve got. u
Then she snerted, and foamed at
the mouth a little, and groaned.-
Then she clenched her fists and
pounded them against the wall.
"Oh, the feelings rve got inside
O. mel" she warbled.
The doctor petted her. He under
stood her feelings, he said. 1t was
terrible thing to have such nerves,
and get no sympathy from an un-
feeling world. He talked to her in
a voice as sweet and thrilling as a
vanilla custard, gave her drop of
valerian, and asked her if she felt
better. Whereupon she heaved a
long, hollow sigh, like the dissolv-
ing breath of an expering Buffalo,
grasped the doctors white hand
conYulsively in both her own,
squeezed it frantically, and murmur-
ed:
"Oh, Doctor Blather! Nobody
understands my nerves but you.
My husband don't understand me
at all. Oil" a5sa
And SO DR.. BlatheE left her in the
full belief that she was martyr to
nerves, and nobody understood her
nerves but himself. Such a nice
comforting doctor, you know!
/ was ashamed of my sex. / felt
like exclaiming in the language of
Shakespeare:
"Pll UNFAIR my head F'
A hundred and seventy pounds,
and nerves {! Great Jupiter! Each
particular ner4eof the woman was
padded with fat half an inch deep.
But she got her ride. That is in a
thrilling example of the tantrum
matrimonial.
Some writers remark that young
doctors can't learn in a medical col
lege to treat tantrums. / should
think not, because the remedy rests
with the patient alone The learned
and practical Boerhaave once stop
ped a whole boarding school full of
Mysteries IN a most remarkable man.
ner. Mysteries appear to be conta-
gious at times, affecting a hundred
or more women at once: So all the
girls in whole boarding school got
to going and couldn't stop. The learn
ed DR.. Boerhaave was sent for
Without a moments ceremony he
rushed in among the girls, and
threatened to burn with red hot
poker the first girl who had hys-
teric CONFUSION. Not a girl had
tantrum after that. This was the
heroric treatment of tantrums. And
it has always fingered in my head
that if the husband of this tantrum
lady who upsets the table, instead of
of running off for the doctor, had ia
ken rattan and given the woman he
had taken for worse a good sound
switching, it would have brought
her out of her tantrum far more
quickly than DIR. BIather did, and
cured her permanently besides. Not
that any body ought to be thrash
ed-of course not! But if any
body ought to be thrashed it would
be woman with a tantrum of hys-
terics. Pve seen dozens of women
with such tantrums, and 1 made up
my mind long ago that if anything
would bring them to more quickly
than another, it would be what |
heard a gentleman the other day call
a ttgood gaddin." You see it would
divert their thoughts to another
channel, so to speak. It is to be re-
commended to the medical profes-
sion. ... .......
Tantrums are contagious among
animals and women. l have read Of
cattle stampedes many time. A
herd of a thousand or more cattle
will be marching along in perfect
peace and quiet, when, suddenly,
without known cause in the world,
one of the animals will snort, whirl
about, and rush madly away from
the track. In the twinkling of an
eye the whole herd have thrown up
their heads, snorted, and rushed
off klike lightning, and it is beyond
the power of mortal man to get the
animals together again until the
stampede is over. That is cattle
tantrum. A strong evidence to my
mind of the Darwinian theory, and
of our near kinship, to the four-leg-
ged races, that similar wholesale tan
trums sometimes occur among wo-
men. l confess that / never heard
of regiment or two of men were
ever seized with a tantrum all at
once. l guess men are developed
to- that stage wherein they are
to let their nerves run
away with them into a crazy fit.
But women, on the contrary, take
pride in their overwhelming emo
tional nature, and cultivate it. Con-
on every slight provoca-
ton, some mysterious, panicky IN
fiuence darts along their nerves to
their 'sensory ganglia," as DIR.
would say, and off they
go like a nitro-glycerine cartridge.
A paper by the late Fernand Pa
pillon, one of the last prepared by
that lamented young scientist, gives
some very curious and suggestive
facts With recyard To contapious fan