The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-11-06
s mttfa and Jones.

and Jones, both of whom had designs
upon the Legislature. Jones had q
bad wife, and was in love with another
pretty woman, who, by.tLe-by, was
widow, with sparkling black eyes.
Smith hud a good wife, plump US a
robin, good as an angel, and the mo-
ther of ten children. Smith did not
want to get divorced. but sought to
get q charter for turnpike from Pigs
Run to Terrapin Hollow. So, with
these different objects, they came to
Trenton, and addressed the assem- bled
wisdom there with the usual argn-
ments:
1st. Oyster suppers. with a rich
background Of steak and yenison.
I'd. Liquors in abundance, from the
stunning ''Jersey lightning" to the
bnbbliDg champagne.
To speak in plain prose, Jones guve
champagne supper, and Smith fol-
lowed with champagne breakfast.
Under the modifying influence of
these tempting repasts, the wise law
makers passed both the divorce and
turnpike bills, and Jones and Smith
with copy Of each bill in parchment
IN their pockets went rejoicing to
their homes.
"My love-" said Smith, when he
was once more comfortably ensoonced
before his own domestic hearthstone,
and speaking to his wife, who was
ministering to the necessities of the
youngest offspring, II am one of the
directors of the Pigs Run and Terra
pin Hollow Turnpike, and will be
RrnnIHnnf MI II rr,t1l
1s up in life. We will send our chill
dren to boarding-scho and live in
style off the tolls. Here's the charter,
ducky."
''Aet me see it, pet" said the wife,
who WAS the best of wives, with plump
ness and good nature beaming all over
her face. She nestled on Smiths
shoulder, and threw her arm lovingly
about his neck. as she helped him ex.
anime the PsEohment
Suddenly Smiths visage grew long.
His wife's looked blank. Smith was
not generally profane, but now he
ripped ont fearful oath.
.'Blast it.. wife!" he shouted, furi-
ously, "those scoundrels at Trenton
have divorced usi"
It was too true. The parchment he
held was q bill Of divorce, in which
the names Of Smith and his wife Il.
peared in frightful big letters. Mcs.
Smith wiped her eyes with the corner
OF her apron, as she exclaimed:
'.Oh. dear. here's a. turnpikei Mr..
Smith. with the whole ten of our chill
dren staring me in the face. I ain't
your wife,
Here the voice of the poor woman
became choked with sobs. and her Ut
terances were too indistinct to be re-
corded. AS for Smith, he cursed away
at such rate as would have convinced
any spectator OF the propriety OF send
ing him missionary. Although the
night was dark. and the denizeus of
the village had retired to their beds,
Smith bid his wife put on her bonnet,
and, arm in arm, they proceeded to
the house of the clergyman Of their
church.
Goodness. bless me!'' exclaimed
the mild, good man, 81 he saw them
enter, Smith looking like the last June
sliad, and Smiths wife's face all
streaked with tears, "what is the mat
ter2"
1.-The matter is. want you to marry
us right Off, replied Smith.
'Marry your exclaimed the aston
ished clergyman. with expanded fn-
gers and wondering eyes; "ure you
drunk or crazy?"
Neither. The fact iB, Brother Good
win, some scoundrels ut Trenton have.
unknown to us, divorced me from nv
wife, and sue is the mother Of all nv
children"
Well, the minister. seeing the cundi.
t!on OF things. married them over
again. and would not take nny fee.
The fact ID, he wns anxious To be alone,
go that be could give vent to II sup
pressed laugh that was shaking him all
oyer.
Smith and his wife went home and
kissed every one of their ten children,
and the little Smiths never knew that
their Ather and mother had been made
strangers TO each other by legislative
enactment.
Meanwhile, and on the eelf.same
night. Jones returned to his nntive
Town, and sought the fine pair of black
eyes which he hoped shortly to call
his own. The pretty widow sat on
sofa, u white handkerchief tied care.
;esely about her round, wLite throat,
and her black hair in silky waves
against her rosy check.
"Dlvorce is the word!" cried Jones,
playfully patting the double chin.