Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-06-15
Farmers gather what they SOW, while


Farmers gather what they SOW, while
seamstresses sew what they gather,
A Toast.-Woman: the last and best
of the series-if we may have her for
toast, We won'task for any but-her.
Why are the ladies the biggest thieves
in existence ? Because they steel their
petticoats, bone their stays, crib their
babies and hook their dresses
A hustle on a young lady is intended
to answer the purpose of tail to kite
to keep the giday thing steady.
A little boy heard his mother tell of
eighteen head of cattle being burnt the
other night. Weren't their tails burnt
also ?" inquired the verdant youth.
The lady who applied day or two
ago to a Hoosick Falls drug store for
six cents worth of the .'glory of rhyme"
was not love-sick poetess. She bad
been sent for chloride of lime.
Two Milesians were standing at the
Fairmount water-works, watching the
big wheels splashing the water, when
one OF them remarked: mike, isn't
this quare country, where they have
to grind their water before they use it %
Mrs. William Writ Skies, once Olive
Logan, writes from Paris that the young
er Dumas is tall and handsome, with a
speaking blue eye, a courtly manner,
and a smile that would ruin the heart
of tobacconist's Injun.
A sentimental bachelor up town gets
off the following:
81 sat me down in thought profound !;
This maxim wise | drew
It's easier to like girl,
Than make girl like you
A Maine woman ate four-quarts of
oysters at one sitting, the other day,
and won one hundred dollars by so do
ing, which, after deducting her funeral
expenses, eighty-five dollars, left her
fifteen dollars to commence the next
world with.
An Irishman one day met his priest
at milestone Arrah, your riverance
saving your presence, there's a praist
said he, pointing to the milestone. "a
priest ?-why do you call that priest
Mike?' "Why, your riveranee, tt:
at least like praist, for it points the
road it never goes itself"
A young lady who entered a New
York music shop and asked the young
man in attendance, ''Have you ''Happy
Dreams ?' was astonished when he re
piled, '.No, ma am, I'm mostly troublet
with the nightmare % He didn't know
why she went out so hurriedly, and slam
med the door after her.
During Colonel Tom Scott's recen
visit to St. Louis he was hailed on tn
street by little boot black with, "Boss
have your boots shined ?" The colone
pleasantly shook his finger at him, say
ing "My boy, am no boss. ;" The littl
waif swung his box over his shoulder
and eyeing the great railroad king fron
head to foot, replied, YOU'RE boss 0
your boots amt yer %
In the town of Westport, Ind, live
miller whose hogs are fat. He belong
to the church, and they do say he take
larger toll than any other man in tn
State. When he dips the measure i
for second grab, he listens, looks abou
him to see if any one is watching, an
then says: 20, Lord, bless this feebl
effort of mine, for Thou knowest ho7
terribly the sin of gluttony doth aflic
some of my neighbors p
At Evansville, recently, man fe
j into ditch on the outskirts of the towr
A pedestrian helped him to his feet, an
: after the thing had been accomplishe
our hero said: '.All right-hic-I'l
vote for you" The stranger looked q
him doubtfully. and wished to kno-
what for?'' "What Office are you rur
ming for?" II? None at all. -
Not a candidate? % mo, why ?
"Why = hic = why? Cause l don
know as any man'd-hic-help 'notht
as you did 'thout bein' candidate ?'
Some days ago letter was receive
in New Orleans. directed to ''the bigge
fool in New Orleans" The Postmastt
!, was absent, and on his return one
g the young clerks informed him of tt
5 receipt of the letter. '.And what becan
of it ?" inquired the postmaster. ..Wh
7 replied the clerk, 81 did not know WI
E the biggest fool in New Orleans was
If l opened the letter myself" Ian
what did you find, in lt?'' inquired ii
Postmaster" "Why." replied the clel
nothing but the words, '.Thou art tt
man p
The following is an instance of Il
severely calm style of Western repo
: torial description: Yesterday mornir
boy sauntered up to yard on Eight
: street, where woman was scratehlI
the bosom of the earth with lake, al
leaning on the fence, said, '.Are u
going round the back yard after while
The woman said she didn't know; ma
J. be she would. Why? Because, Il
IN boy said, just saw the eistern lid DIR
e le on the baby's head minute ago. al
.e thought if you went around ycu mig
lift It off" 1t is currently report'