The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-10-17


beam out of my own eye" "And so you
would" said a friend, "if you could sell the
timber"
At the approach of death the thumbs of the
dying, as if impclled by some vague fear,
seek refuge under the fingers, and when thIs
found are in almost certain announcement Of
| the end,
In Texas justice is sometimes almost as
quick as lynch law a man named Blythe
' committed murder on June 1G, was arrested
June 10; indicted, June "a; found guilty,
June 30; sentenced, July 4 hanged, Aug. Z.
A daily paper has the following among It's
marine notices: THE schooner Albatross
was wrecked on the coast of Newfoundland
on the 18th inst, the captain swimming
ashore, and the female cook also, she being
insured for $4,000 and heavily laden with
IRON
AT a meeting in London to receive report
| from the missionaries sent to discover the
tribes of Israel, Lord H was asked to take
the chair. II take" he replied, "a great in
terest in your researches, gentlemen. The
fact is, have borrowed money from all the
Jews now known, and if you can find new
set shall teel very much obliged"
They came pretty near hanging an Eastern
man at Shellvllle, Fla, because they discov-
cred toothbrush and bottle Of hair-oil in
his satche. They said no cussed Yank could
come around there putting on the airs of a
Napoleon Bonaparte.
"What Go you sell those fowls fort" inqur.
ed a person of man attempting to dispose
obi cly ,fn In
ance. IL sell them for profits" was the an.
|swer Thank you for the information that
they are prophets, responded the querst, Il
took them to be pariarchs."
\ beggar posted himself the door of an Ell.
|glish chancery court, and kept saying, "a
penny, please sir! Only penny, sir before
you go H." "And for what, my man ?" in.
|quired an old country gentleman. Because,
|sir the chances arc that you will not have
one when you come out"
The characteristic of the umbrella is its
power OF changing shapes. on can have a
bran new silk with an ivory or rosewood
handle at any public gathering; within three
hours it will turn itself into light blue or a
faded brown cotton somewhat less in size
than circus tent, with handle like a tele-
|graph pole and five fractional ribs.
~
1t didn't rain for some time III a Western
town, and when the floods did descend the
editor said After many daps of arid desic-
|catiOn the vapory captains marshaled their
LAUNDERING hosts and pouring out upon
scorching humanity and the thoroughly in
Generated vegetation few inches Of "aqua-
pluvalls."
bn 81 10 ~, ind &c A piubt n rel
two ago, family in New York was awaken
led by unusual noises in the house, and on
turning out, saw the eldest hopeful rushing
about in his suSpenders, brandishing new
|Wesson, and shouting, "Ihere's imam in the
bouse!" 4 long search failed to show any
Foundation for the young mans warlike dem
onstratiOn, when he mildly informed the
breathless and exhausted tribe that it was
his birthday. He was twenty-one.
An old man in New York was wont 10 run
Ia cider-mIl by the aid OF dog But the So.
ciety for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ami
mails has compelled him to unharmncss that
dog that worked for his living. A negro now
does the grinding, and no society looks on to
pity and intercede How much better is a
dog than a negro: And is there no clause IN
the Civil Rights bill TO cover the case of the
sweetscented cider grinder:
CONGREvE AND MADAME NETRIs-ColOnel
Congrcve. the celebrated inventor OF the DIES
tructive COngreve rocket, was musical anna
teur, and one day accompanied Madame YES
iris, the great singer, to view monument
that had been erected to the memory or Pur-
cell, the composer. The colonel read aloud
the epitaph with good emphasis and modula-
ton: HE Is gone to hat place where alone
his harmony can be exceeded.
Nestris Immediately cried out LA, colonel,
the same epitaph will serve for you by mere
ly altering one joord, thus, HE is gone to that
place where alone his .fre-,c0rks can b eX-
ceeded.-Hdrper's Nagdzine.
An undergraduate at Cambridge, who found
among the questions on his examination pa
per this: "Why will not pin stand on It's
points" deliberately explained the point thus:
n. \ pin will not stand on Its head; much
less is it possible that it will stand on its
point. >. point, according TO Euclid, is
that which has no parts and no magnitude.
A pin cannot stand on that which has no
parts and no magnitude, and therefore pin
cannot stand on lis point. 3 II will, if YOU
stick il i'm
Glydon Gazette: \ day or two two since.
Mrs Durham, of this village, picked up from
the floor an apparently healthy cricket, and
pinching it between her fingers, threw it into
a basin of water near az hand. Presently
from the cricket's ruptured abdomen little
black reptile six inches long and of the thick
ness of a medium sized needle, disencaged
itsel, and commenced a series of rapid con
tortions She still has his sRakeship for ex.
hibi.ion 10 the skeptical. Ifthis is a CON-
mon complaint in the cricket family she
thinks il no wonder they are lively.
No decent man, not bound Ia party shack.
les, can support the present administration.
Ii is essentially corrupt, unwIse. feeble Tor
good, and betrays in every department hrrd-
ened indifference to the public welfare.
York Journal Of Commerce.