Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-12-02
Humorous.

Humorous.
A C. .RRKsPoNpKST of the Court Circ,-
Tar tells a story of gentleman, more
famous for his powers of sarcasm than
for good breeding, and who sat next
lady at dinner the other evening in the
country to whom he had only Just been
introduced. H. amused himself during
dinner by quizzing an individual oppo-
site with a very grotesque face, a person
moreover whose remarks we're by no
means remarkable for wisdom. The
lady listened and seemed amused, but
Just as she rose to go upstairs into the
drawing-room, she murmured blandly,
"Ursa Major, as you call him, is my
husband" The satirical individual
was, as may be imagined, considerably
nonplussed, but after the lady had gone
he rallied, went over to Urss Major.
made himself so agreeable, praised his
wife, etc, that to that lsdy's astonish-
nent, the two entered the drawing room
together, and the Bear informed his
wife that night $50 he said) he had
never met such q pleasant fellow as the
man who had been making fun of him
all dinner-time. It is not known
whether the lady enlightened him.
A BERLIN photographer is reported
to have made use of an ingenious trick
to attract customers. The artist pre-
tended he could make photographs of
gentlemen so lifelike that their dogs
would be able to recognize them. When
these photographs were held up before
the dogs of the owners, the dogs would
wag their tails and lick the pictures.
The other photographers of Berlin,
who were unable to perform anything
similar, watched their colleague, and
finally discovered his secret. 1t was
very simple proceeding. All he did was
to cover the photographs with a thin
layer of lard, which the dogs, of course,
smelled, and then licked of.
A COLD IN THE HEAD.-Life is but an
empty show-a hollow mockery, to the
man with cold in the head. Be he
naturally ever SO ambitious and ener-
getic, when thus situated he desires
only to sit by the fire and mediate
and wipe his nose. Every bone in his
body aches, he loses his appetite, and
his head feels as though it were as large
as q crate of crockery, and about as
heavy. He has but little inclination to
carry on a conversation, or to hear
others talk, but would rather crawl off
to some secluded spot with a dozen or
so fresh handkerchiefs and there remain
enwrapped ia his misery.
You've man, you feel superiority to
the whole human race as you stand at
the altar with your fair young bride.
You would not exchange places with
the president. Yet in few short years,
a few whisking of broom handles, an
untimely stOppage or two of waited
fat-irons, and your weary body will
rest under the swaying willow, while
some young gallant will bring your late
afflicted partner out to the cemetery on
calm Sabbath evenings and whisper
love in her ear, rs together they strew
peanut shells over your grave. "Oh,
why should the spirit of mortal be
proud ?"
THAT aged father who, in digging a
well, was first startled at the depth of a
rod with two-hundred feet jet of water
shooting into the air, and next by in
hammable gas escaping in suffocating
volume and ready to blaze at touch of
fire, must have concluded, however
unwillingly, that his ancestral acres
were located little nearer Pandemo-
nium than the average.
An ESGLIsHMAN and Welshman dis
putting in whose country was the best
living, said the Welshman, There is
such noble housekeeping in Wales that
| have known above dozen cooks en-
plOyed at one wedding "Aye,"
answered the Englishman, ''that was
because every man toasted his own
cheese"
A RHODE ISLAND clergyman says that
meeting a good woman after a great
railway horror, she exclaimed, "Oh,
Mr.. -, such terrible thing has hap
pened The engine and the cars on
the - road collapsed, and before
they could e1ecrate the passengers
twenty of them were sophisticated.
FOURTEEN years ago a Tennessee
father refused to let his young daughter
go to candy-pull, and she disappeared.
The other day she returned, lifted eleven
children out of the wagon. and entered
the house and took off her things as
coolly as if she hadn't been gone over a
day.
"WHAT" exclaimed Mrs. Jones,
when her son John asked permission to
join club, "what, you become club
man! No, John, emphatically no I've
sat up too many nights for yOnr father,
and now that he is bedridden 1 am
having some rest r.
A BAsHFUL young man mortally
offended the bride of his most intimate
friend by stammering, when taken
aback by request for toast at the
wedding supper "Tom, my f-fr-iend,
may you have a wedding once year as
long as you live"
An ENGINEER on the Western North
Carolina railroad shouted to q crowd of
rustics who had gathered to see the
first train of cars come in, Put down
your umbrellas you'll scare the engine
off the track !" The umbrellas were
lowered at once.
THE favorite conundrum in Hunting
ton Tenn is. "Whv is this town