The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-11-14
VARIETY.

SaARP YOUNGsTER-The Detroit Free Press
tells about urchin that was seated on the Post
Office steps, going through watermelon, when
man halted and asked s' This 10 a great town
for hogs isn't Il, bub?' 80 Wall, no." draWled
the lad, as he filed his mouth again and kept his
eyes on the man; you'll be awful lonesome
here"
Now, here we have original suggestion. 1t
derived its inspiration from the Tiehborne case,
and the French National Assembly is at present
agitated over it. The suggestion is that every
child born shall have its name and the date Of its
birth tattOoed on its arm. This would prevent
future Tichborne cases by facilitating identihca-
tion By all means let this idea be adopted.
The name is a vast improvement upon the old
"stragberry leaf.i
An old bachelor, thinking over the subject,
and particularly the expenses Of maintaining a
family, set the table in his lonely abode with q
plate for himself and an imaginary wife and five
children. He then sat down TO dine, and as often
as he helped himself to food he put the same
quantity on each Of the other plates, and sur
veyed the prospects, ut the same time computing
the cost He is still bachelor.
If Beecber was as spunky as that Missouri
ureacher he would have been out of the woods
Ion0 a0o When they started q slander about
that Missouri preacher he exclaimed from the
pulpit, a. This diabolical story about me and Mrs
Podhammes is an Internal lie, and if can't
snatch the son-Of-a-saw-hOrse eyerlastingly bald
-
tailed purp, and kick me ten miles helWard.
=. md thai scandal was settled
The New Orleans PicGylle has this patriotic
outburst " WNunderstand that two gentlemen
of this city, who have been in the cottCn business,
intend TO start glass eye manufaetory We see
no reason why this industry should not succeed
"a well here as in Pittsburg. Why should we
depend on the North for our supply? Why should
brave SOutherners, who freely spilled their gore
during the late struggle. see anything through
Northern eyes This new industry viii give en-
rlovment 20 many idle hands, TO much idle eapi-
tai. Come on with your glass eyes!
A Newspaper man lately interviewed Gen.
HiHyer, and asked him what be thought OF Gen.
Grant.
az never thought mu> Of him." said Hillyer,
.. mill Mt the battle OF Fort DOnelsOn, where he
-.me mn late after Lew Wallace had been de-
noralized. and he asked me IL there were any
prisoners. Taking prisoner, he examined ms
he said. Just as I thought; they are endeayor-
inc TO escape' He then ordered the attack at
that part Of the fort where the rebels were
weakest, and they gave up after being WoTstea
and summoned before assault Ihe tIlek OF
looking at the ratiOus struck me as acute
LOOKING Foz BEETH.-while the boat was
living at Cincinnati just ready to start Tor LOUIS
{iIe a vouno man came on board leading blush
ing damsel by the hand, and approaching the
clerk L..
81 saw" he exclaimed. - me and my vile mas
;,s, cot married. and I'm looking for aceommo-
dations." - -. - .
% Looking for q berth?'' hastily inquired the
clark passing tickets out to another passenger.
(" A birth thunder and lightning, no gasped
the young man, we amt but just got married ,
we want a place to stay all night you know and
bed
Wbv should the bean keep ahead OF all other
zsoatsbles9 Because it has the pole.-Lo'0s"
Courier. IL
The bean has the pole, but IN the vegetable
race the cabbage il always sure to come IN Il
head-AdUsrtLSer. ...
T1old. Don't you know that the carrot was
never beet 9-HerGld.
IL might not have been beat II 1t had not Deeh
90 n1IIed-up' Suddenly. But as the whole tnlng
q 1iEeIv TO be run in the ground, we snail wait
for something else to turn-uP-bosf0H AU'e'-
Sueh iokes are too cucumberous ior hei1I III tIi III
,rsather' Let us have peas !-NeIo for" "O''"'
ar no Lettuce alone.-CdH
Snch ;okes remind one Of peeled onions. Ihey
b,ing tears to our eyes, being OF little coiH
-.arsss We are a-maized.-&oek Report
r. is about thyme to stop this nonSenSe'-''0'-
ra1aezfO Bee. :..o.. raraoranhs
The writers OF the foregoing Jocose PAIs Is
-,.v think they are 81 some pumpkins, oI1 - -
.hsy can say nothing funnier tney ' aral'IoA ~ q
st,sSy,sslves Of. or be squashed Tnis may O0
verv peppery suggestion