The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-03-18


Persons with bandaged heads now are gen.
ed variations of "Come, gentle Spring."
The real gentleman should be gentle in ev-
erything, at least in everything that depends
on himself-in carriage, temper, constructions,
aims, desires.-Hare.
Host: "Just another wee drap fore you
CO." Guest: "Na, ma, all tax nae mair! |!
Pm in a new lodgin' and Pm no vera weeI
acquainted wi the stairp'
A severe lady says: s'Male is only mule
spelled wrong.-N. o, Republican.
Well, if a mans a mule, everybody with
the least knowledge of the classics knows that
woman's mulier.-N. o. Picdyune.
The girls of Alton, Iowa, have resolved to
have nothing to do with young men who
drink, smoke, chew, snuff, swear or drive fast
horses-but with the proviso that Chicago
drummers don't count.
That was graphic bit of description, by a
Western man, who, looking out upon the
country the morning after snow-storm said
that it appeared as if nature had put on clean
shirt.
eff this jury convicts my CLIENT said a
Missouri lawyer, rolling up his sleeves and
displaying his ponderous fists, 81 shall be
compelled to meet each one and hammer JUS
tice into his soul through his head"
A beau in Irasburg, Vermont, took his girl
out for a ride. The sleigh tipped over and
broke her leg. Then the beau sent her home
on wood sleigh that CHANGED to come along,
and continued his ride alone.
Master Dick (his ''first appearance" ga
dinner party" and puzzled by the strange
waiter-the green grocer of the neighbor-
hood: ''Ma, has pa bought that man, or
on'y hired him ?"-Punch.
In one of George Sands stories, she makes
man say: In one short hour suffered
death thousand times over" But what
was that to having young mans paper col
lar bust on him at an evening party?
A |gentleman who has recently gone to
housekeeping, after long residence at ho-
tells, says he never knew what it was to be
independent until he ceased to be inn-de-
pendent.
A fat French lady says: lam so fat that
pray for disappointment to make me thin.
No sooner does the disappointment come
than the mere expectation Of growing thin
ner gives me such joy that become fatter
than ever"
There is an old story that St. Peter, when
revisiting earth, was obliged, amid the null
titudinous changes Oh every hand, to have
guide through most Of Europe, but on en-
tering Spain he dismissed him; for here, SAID
the saint, everything is just as left it.
A family passing through Detroit lost their
tomcat. "Come, children" said the father
huskily, as he turned to the wagon, Johnny
died of scarlet fever; little Mary went will
the whooping cough, and now we've lost Sar
dimus! shouldn't wonder if mother or II
be the next to CO."
Before the stout English Princess Mar
became the Princess of Teck, her friend
tried to get up match between her and Vic
tor Emanuel. He came over to see her, anc
after the interview, exclaimed: why, tha
woman would sit op the seven hills Of Rom
at once"
A reminiscence of st. Valentines Day.
go mamma! Such shame! You kno
that lovely valen tine that Margaret SEQ
sent me, and that Afterwards sent to Ma
Wilcox" ''Yest Well?" "Well, MAJ
Wilcox must have sent it 10 Grace Barne
for Grace Barnet has just sent 1t paeA
mep
We are not in sthe habit OF suPps;ce ps;nce tb
ol s1l-x- 18th TOYS, Dut si~S.