Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-01-29
PHUNNYGRANS.

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SUI SUI noke itself into other peoples bust
ness
You can judge how cold it is around
:, Paul by the fact that young lady
rove 10 death in a sleigh while riding four
lies and her beau had his arm around
her all the time.
Mathematics is delightful science.
Maine woman ate a gallon of oysters
,ha cher day for 500. After deducting
ss5 for funeral expenses, how much did
she "clears"
Defeat brings direful consequences in
Golden Colorado. A boy had his ear
bitten off in fight, was thrown in front
IA wagon that ran over him, which
cared dog that bit him, and upon gong
bome his father whaled him soundly Tor
NOT winning the fight.
A Dutchman was relating his mar
yolIous escape from drowning when thir-
teen of his companions were lost by the
inserting of a boat, and he alone saved.
and how did you escape their iatey"
~ it'd not 90 in the pote,' was the Dutch
mans PLACID reply.
"A clergyman lately addressed his fe.
male auditory as follows: "Be not proud
that the blessed Lord paid your sex the
distinguished compliment OF appearing
first to a female after the resurrection, for
il was only done that the glad tidlngs
might spread all the sooner"
Milton had most vixenish wife. 1t
mirht have added to his comfort to have
heen deaf instead of blind. To tlatter his
wife, Buckingham once called her rose.
II am no Judge of flowers" replied the
I noet and it may be so. for'-he added,
With sigh-"l feel the thorns daily"
A porty gentleman crowded himself
into a horse car next to ayoung man, who
said: perhaps YOU wouldn't crowd in
here if YOU knew | had just had the small
pox?" "Oh, that's nothing" was the re-
Div, "for this is the first time have been
out since had it myself"
A drunken Irishman was found by
his friends the other night lying in the
snow, with his heels upon the fence,
warming his toes by moonlight. He was
muttering: "What a cowld fire We have
got Biddy, darling; have on some carry
sane or my futs viii fraze."
q suppose" SAID physician, smil-
ING, and trying TO be witty while feeling
the pulse of a patient, who had reluct-
antly submitted to solicit his advice, 81
suppose you think me 8 bit ola humbug."
sir" gravely replied tbs sick man, Il
was not aware that you could discover IA
mans thoughts by feeling his pulse"
A local humorist at Brunswick, Mo,
saws: Parents should look more carefully
To- the education OF their children. a
neglect in this direction is apt to entail
endless misery upon their offspring. Only
last night youth lost three games OF
n seven up in Kinkhorst's saloon, solely
4 through his ignorance OF mathematics.
"A loye-smitten gentleman, after con
yersing awhile with lady on the subject
of matrimony, concluded at last with the
emphatic question, "Will you have me?'
Il am very sorry to disappoint YOU" re
Piled the lady, land hope my refusal will
not give you pain; but | must answer
mo-" "Well, well, that will do,' SAID
her philosophical lover; sand nop suppose
i ps change the sutJect."
One of Boston's esteemed citizens
was in a well-known restaurant partaking
of the wholesome and invigorating apple
4 pie. Discovering something therein that
seemed to have no legitimate connection
with pie, he called the proprietor, and
4 deierentially observed to him: See what
have found in this plea piece of blue
! overall with button attached" The en-
terprising proprietor, not at all discon-
Y ccrted, quietly replied: well, keep on
4 eating; you may find the man
q A Des Moines druggist sent his clerk
4 out to drum for sales of oil. He called
upon radesman and tossed card
upon the counter, saying that he repre-
sened that establishment. The trades
i man picked it up, gave it steady look,
A and said it was fine establishment, and
was informed by the clerk that he had
represented it about three years, where
upon he remarked to the youth that he
opposed hewould soon be a partner. The
youth said he would be pleased to sell
! him some coal oil, and that his establish
ment handled more oil Than any other in
Des Moines. The tradesman took an
u,her look at the card, and asked the boy
i he wasn't mistaken. He blushingly
guessed he was, as he returned the young
| adys picture to his pocket,
A man sauntered into one of our
apothecary shops the other morning, and
after spending few moments looking in
to the showcases. and turning a piece OF
loOtbpiCk several times in his mouth,
startled the clerk with the question;
n What's good to cure poisoning?' What
3 Kind of poisoning" asked the clerk.
q Well, laudanum poisoning" says the
u stranger you see the old woman took
q a couple of teaspoonfuls of laudanum,
u and kinder thought I'd better drop in TO
q apill shop and see what's good for her"
a all this in drawing voice. Here,
q John, shouted the clerk, put up a strong
q emetic as quick as you can, and you, sir,
Il lake 1t home, give it to your wife, follow
n u up with strong coffee, and call doc
n lor.' "A doctor!" says the man, taking
h his medicine, "she don't waste no money
d On doctors, not if | know it."-Port5and