The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-27
HOME MATTERS.
Pepper ana salt.

he will take delicious pleasure IN Singing then
into the mammoth opening in front OF the aiiga
tor When Bowman first received this "amusin
little cuss," he was told that "it was such gen
tie little creature" and lived on horned lilies, an'
"on no account would it NEEDLE with fish ~
was at home with fish, &c. In his innocence
Bowman put his wide mouthed southern refuge
| in an aquarium in which were 4 number of gol'
fish and common mnnOws. The alligator Sa,e'
moment upon its comrades with wild stare o
| bewidcrment. Then it gave its beautiful TAIL
firt to the north west; then J., opened II pensN
mouth about four inches, and dartcd like duel
upon June bug upon an unsuspectng mlnnow
and where is that minnow now?
Go ask the winds;
10 ask the sea;
Go ask the birds,
But don't ask me.
go. Dr. iiobert, we famous tooth carpenter, ha
our sympathics all and singular as well as unani
mously The stone layers have torn away th'
wall and evacuated frightful prccipice at thu
front door of the stairway leading to his Office
and bridged the mighty chasm by long an'
slender plank. The Doctor has to walk this tot
terng plank to get in and out, and as conse
quencc, the DR.. can't take any thing stronger
than water for fear of disturbing his nerves..
Since the trial Of the Bureau county intanticld'
case, the boys around town, when they wish t'
ask saleonist for "tansy btters," merely say; VI
want to commit infantcide.". The ladies
who attempted to overawe the council on Tues
day evening last and did not find quorum pres
ent, assume that circumstance to be victory
and accordingly have gotten out flaming ok IN
handful, containing the following flaming words
Temperance Victory, The Ladies in the Coun
ell Room No Quorum. Liquor Flat! Who
Showed the white Feather? Tally One for the
Ladies. n. B.-Half the legal voters in Ottawa
say, no more license" and similar bosh. We re
spcctfully suggest that slang words and phrases
are out of place in the mouth of any lady, and
more especially make any cause in which they
are used ridiculous and subject of derision;
and IS 4 further suggestion, would add for the
benefit Of the ladies, that in all their public adj
dresses, whether in print or by speech making
TO avoid telling or publishing .fbS. Neither one
half nor one third nor yet one-fifth of the legal
voters Of Ottawa say, mo more liquor license"
"Tcll the truth and shame the Devil" is 4 good
motto, but in your case, if you do not tell the
truth even the Devil will be ashamed of you. 49,.
Joe Abrccht has turkey gobbler; that is, the
outside of one Some time ago boy heaved a
brick at that gobbler, and the gobbler was never
afterward known to gObblc a solitary COB. They
then took that dcfunct turkey and removed the
old stufling out of him and put in new, and then
they placed him in glass case in Joe's saloon,
where he now stands as naturally as if in the en-
ioymcnt Of Ifs and health, That gobblcr has
been thus standing for about year, and under
all these circumstances my be supposed to bC
dead-pretty thoroughly dead. The other day
the crusade women came into that saloon AMI
interviewed the proprietor. Joe was scared
George, his clerk, was scared, and 1t Is reasona.
BILE to suppose that TINT gobblcr was scared, be-
cause when the women had gone, the gobblcr
had turned nearly white and had laid an enor-
nous egg!-ask Joe,...Thc first copy Of the
temperance Lcag,te is before us. We expected
something both spicy and deep, but are disap.
pointed 1t does not do the ladies justice nor the
cause either. We were made particularly un
happy by the statement in the sautatory
Of those girls, that they mean to squeeze in any
how" Is it possible that S3ttces-iH was the frs
thing that came to their minds? If they wish e
be squeezed, We regre. to state that We are nc
on squsczin terms with any of 'cm at present
They also astound w. with few conundrums
such as: persons wishing TO know where the
upper ten take their 'nips, please inquire at thu
Leagdic office" The answer is, Wherever they
can get trusted, of course, The other is yer!
easy: NJ gentlemen wish to know if they were
drunk the day before let them inquire at thu
Leagrg Office" We always can toll by the wa,
our head feels next morning. Give us hard one
-. Ed. Thompson keeps str0ws for inducln!
LIQUID refreshments out of glass into one
mouth, for sale at his crOckery stOre,-thc brute
| Now let TIE temperance league 90 Jor the wretch
amt itg...Wc have heard of fancy thorough
bred horses being trained so Us to break dow
on the eve of a race Such was the fate Of jim
Cross in the late piano war. "a short tailc
( bull IN fly timc,n is something, but nothing :
Ilavwcr Bull in the late red hot piano war.
! BOYS BATHING.-Thcre are few nuisance
about town that escape the eagle eye OF oar cit
marshal. Every day and evening the canal, side
cut and feeder are filed with naked BOYS OF var
rious ages from five years old up to young me
Of twcnty-onc or more Ladies findiit imposs
/ be to cross any of the bridges except with eye
! @pon the planks as these rude fellows are every
where around them and often stand on til