Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1874-12-19
That Patent Bedstead.

CT uFlt4 bit hAA - - 49, -
propose to relate.
Charlie was engaged in business which
rendered his presence necessary at very early
hour in the morning but he was always three
hours behind time. lie couldn't get mp carly
enough to wake himself nor could Pauline.
The Spirit was willing, but the flesh was
weak" and they couldn't rouse it " them
selves nor get any one else to do it for them.
One night Charlie came home. struck with
al exceedingly luminous idea.
Pauline" says be, I've found just the
article we want-a patent beds,ead. You
wind it up, you know, aud it fires you out o'
bed at any hour you want to get up
Pauline being dog of an unbeiever, asked
him where he heard of it.
"Sam Johnson's got it, said Charley, and
he's dying aud doesn't want it any longer.
"Is it the patent bed that's killing him.
anxiously inquired Pauline.
"Why, sis I" said her husband reproachful-
". Why, he's got heaIt-disease, and 'taint
very pleasant for fellow dying with heart
disease to be scoo,ed out Of bed by patent
machine every morning"
Pauline looked rather dubious at the idea Of
beng scootel herself, but upon rejecting
that after having been " fired out half a
dozen times she would be able 10 "scoot ="
gracefully enough without the assistance Of
the pateut bedstead, che agreed to give il a
trial, and Charlie was happy.
About noon the next day cartflashcd up
to the door with Charlie therein triumphantly
seated on his patent bedstead.
Pauline and all the rest of the ncighbohood
rushed out to see it,
"Sis," said Charlie, smiling like seraph,
you never saw anything TO beat this. I'll
show You something to surprise YOU. Now,
just see this
As he said "ihis there was heard a dismal
shrek and raitling noise the bed plrtel in
the mildle, and Charlie went gaily over the
side of the cart and landed with his head in
the dirty gutter.
Did you see it, sis ?" inquired Charlie,
sitting in the gutter and wipins his bloody
nose on the sleeve Of his new light ovor-coat
She said it could be seen with the naked
eye.
Accidents will happen" remarked Charlie,
philosophically aud turning TO. the carmen,
who were CANNING with delight he sun; out
to them TO lend hand and heave the old
bed up stairs"
Upon attempting to move it it was discov-
cred To be fcariuIly heavy, aud the men were
obliged to swear their slow and painful way
along or they nevr could have carried it,
willie Charlie fetched mp the rear, dilatng
upon the su prising merits Of his patent bed
stead. and Pauline formed hollow square.
gazing doubtfully at his skinned nose, aud
wondering if her own was to be peeled in tue
same manner.
Sis" said Charley, do you see that crank
there? Well, III show you what that'll do '
As be spoke the men turned sharp corner
on the landing, aud the crank caught him iu
the stomach, pinning him tightly against the
wall. where all tie breath was ground out OIL
his body before he was rescued.
you're a fooll" screamed Pauline, and
that horrid bed will be the dea,h Of us-eying
| the pateut article with looks Of hatred
The men went on 10 their wild career will
the bedstead and placed ii 10 the desired Po-
sition, but having become very much attached
TO the aforcside article in the course Of their
/ long journey up stairs, they refused 10 leave
till they were paid the price Of it thrice over
/ Pauline aud Charlie then took turns wind
ing it up all the afternoon. Charles hair
commenced turning gray with the exertion
and Pauline's teeth were all loose with the
noise, aud they thought the bed was wound
up enough for one night anyhow.
Charlie set i. for five O'clock, aud at eleven
they retired.
They were sleeping the sleep Of the just,
when at twelve precisely clap Of thunder
was heard from the bed, aud Pauline went
aying ont on one side while Charlie flew out
the other. They looked at each other under
the bed for about ten minutes, and then Char
lie observed, while gently caressing bis bnrked
sbins that he "guesscd there was something
out Of the way with that bed
Il wish to goodness | was ont Of the way
Of it." remarked Pauline, who was upholster-
ing three-story hump on her eyebrow will
brown paper aud vinegar.
"Wel, says Charlie. don't be rash, old
girl weql give it a fair trial anyway"
Pauline appeared to think that the tra
was all on one side, aud not very fair either
but she held her peace and the bro"n-Paper
plaster together, and they hiei them to bed
again.
They were swcetly sleeping when, as the
clock struck one, an earthquake took place ia
that bed, aud Pauline came floating through
the air aud was nmmed head first between
the legs Of a small table, while Charles loog
heels pro,ruled from beneath the sofa.
Says Charlie looking oat Of black eye
from under the sofa at his wife sitting under
the table:
"Paulie, you kicked me y