The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-11-07
VARIETY.

NvALuanLE.-Smart woman-'s Doctor, whal
do you think Of women for dOctOrs2'' Doctor
- They are invaluable, madam, To our profession
We derive two-thirds Of our income from them. .
SUCcESs.-Josh Billings says Success don't
konsIst in never making blunders, but in never
making the same one the second time
A Wisconsin paper says: "a What is wanted in
Kansus - more telegraph poles, or stronger ones.
The average pole holds only about four horse
thieves comfortably
The Washington papers are warmly com
mending senator Spragues habit Of settling half
a million each OF his children ut its birth. So
do we. The custom is a beautiful one, and no
family should be without it.
A Saginaw poet writes Of bis native place
weu., me red IRian here took their delights,
Nov most q ,he Inhabitants Is whites,
Detroit Free Press. 50 Ben Butler wanted
Kansas to name n town after him, but they wrote
back that they had hamlet called Hellville,
and couldn't think OF blasting that State further"
He was city editor Of a Chicago paper The
manager came in and told him there was a big
fire on the West Side and that a reporter should
be sent over. The city editor yawned, and re-
marked, as be stretched himself on a table a 1t
isn't worth while; we've got enough local for to-
mOrrOws paper.
WitTa sardOnic grin, Wix poured some mu-
cilage into his empty hair-Oil bottle, and next
morning the hair OF che Of the servant girls was
stuck so tight that she could not shut her mouth.
GAVE II BAcK.-A Detroit young woman tried
10 be aristOcratic and did not look at the money
that she gave TO the horse-ear conductor, but he
meekIy gave her back the lozenge which
written III never cease to love thee, and said
that he was an orphan with FIVE little brothers 10
support and must be excused.
ASKED FoR A POsTPoNENENT.-After the prose
cutting attorney had heaPed vituperation upon the
poor prisoner without counsel, the Judge asked
him # he lad any thing to say for himself.
.. Your honor, replied the prisoner, - ask for
n postponement for eighteen days, in order that
may find baekguard to answer that one there
A pouting bride, on her first sen voyage, writes
home The motion Of q screw steamer IS like
riding n gigantic camel that has the heart disease
and YOU do not miss single tbrOo know OF
nothing to compare with it for boredom, unless it
b.. your honeymoon when you have married for
money
NEVER BEFoRE-A few days since needy per-
son applied to n wealthy citizen for help aud re-
eeiyed the small sum Of five cents. The giTer /
remarked as lie handed over the pittance, a. lake !
it vo,1 are welcome, our ears are always opened /
=. - .,iJs ~ the distressed - "a That may be-
repIied the recipient, - but never before in my /
LIE have seen % small an opening for such large
ears"
Do THE FAIR TmNG.-They occasionally get /
hold OF the wrong man in Kansas when they are .
bunting for a horse-thief, but they do the fair .
thing with the widow. They give her a lot inthe
graveyard. buy the eohn5 and march & IN n Pr9ees
,bot tbev make up purse, and buy her shot
gIn and two dogs for her to make living with
S,,,srurSc UP.-We have not heretofore had
,,,,cb C1itb in the s.5sses about Anna Dickinsons
sn1a1ement. bat when woman gets 50 that she
Sx61' eat.onions, and il particular about having
holes in her stockings, something's up sure
shooting.