The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-01-07
SCRAPS.

A post-mistress in Pennsylvania
employs her husband as head clerk
A writer wishes to know why
people always spell fnis without all
:"Money is very tight" said a
thief who was trying to break open
a bank vault.
-"Time cuts down all, both great
and small.o How about the provi-
sion and grocery bills?
"Transactions in HAIR" is the
heading by a Detroit editor to an
account of a street fight
.eHcr Face Was Her Fortune,' -
will soon be followed by ellis
Check Was What Made Him.
When a policeman finds a man
full he takes him to the station
house and his friends bail him out.
A Philadelphia paper has asccr-
tanned that Noah Webster used to
play euchre and steal eggs.
The manner of advertising for a
husband in Java is by placing an
empty fower-pot on the portico
root:
"Grangers, I will sell you cofhns
cheaper than any other man in the
Fcity!' is what Council Bluffs man
advertises.
One advantage of living in Troy
is that one can 60 to any hydrant,
any day, and get an eel for dinner,
and no extra charge.
Georgia Item.-"Bill Bridges, of
Dooley County, attempted to knock
down a pine tree with his horse,
and killed the latter.'
California papers won't publish
the Governors message on account
of it's length. 1t makes nine col
.umns of solid nonpareil.
1t is suggested that in building
railroads, the rails should be heated
'red-hot, so that the workmen will
LAY them down rapidly.
A Maine man has sued a paper
for slander for calling hilM an indc-
fatigable genius, and a local paper,
says jury has awarded him S212I
damages. -
Al young lady of Logansport re-
Gently sent ayoung man four quarts
of butternuts as a token of ac>
knowldgement for having saved her
from drowning.
A ,Titusyille paper says: "a man
called at one of our shoe stores
'yestesday and vaiuly essayed to get
,onb either. numbers II, II or l3I
shoes. The store-keeper then sug-'
,gested that he should put on thin
-nerr pair of stockings and try on
the box"
eff" says a Western editor, the
dagIbefore Thanksgiving, "we had
a dollar for every glass Of lemon
::slop, sweetened wine, beer and
thicker things that will be drank
tomorrow, we wouldn't dun anoth-
'er subscriber in year. But we
haven't that number of dollars, so
pay up
J A geKteel appearing loafer ad-
dressed an insulting remark to a
lady of Troy, n. Y. She had a
pail of yeast in her hand, and an
swered- his impertincnce with a.
dash of the lively liquid which COW
erred him from head to foot. His
friends now regard him as rising.
young man.
: A local editor says there is not a
girl in Page County, Iowa, who
will marry an editor. AS he is the
only editor in the county, and he
is not celebrated for his beauty, it,
isn't astonishing that he thinks as
he does. If bald-hcaded editor
that we've heard talk in bar-rooms
in this city were to go out there,
every Woman in the place would
want to elope with him, even if his
purse were as empty as his head
and Jug are. If anybody doubts
that Page County would be over
come, let that vile skertic listen to
our bald-headed editors talk for a
while and he'll doubt no more.
Over five thousand women have
committed suicide on his account
already, and still his tascinations
are not used up. ."
A. Nevada paper chronicles the
departure of u mining party from
Reno in the following ''nervous'
paragraph: "The toughest set Of
roosters that ever shook the dust Of
any town, left Reno yesterday for
the new mining district of Cornu-
copia. They came here from Vir-
ginia. Among the crowd were
four New York cock-Gghters, two
Chicago murderers, three Baltimore
bruisers, one Philadelphia prize
fighter, four San Francisco hood
lnms, three Virginia beats, two
Union Pacific roughs, and two
>eheck-beats." l