The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-05-22
rAcrs AND rANc1Es.

saws he'll 20 up to hundred or die.
The last grand gift enterprise in
Nevada ia for the purpose OF obtaining
funds for a lunatic asylum. Appropri-
ate.
A lady lecturer believes that women
ought to retain their own names when
they get married. She has retained hers
| thus far.
A Chicago woman who lost a foot
was consoled by TIE reflection that she
still had enough left to n axe two com
mon feet.
There are 700 fashionable styles OF
calling cards, but Blinks says he pre-
fers to I" call on four aces aud let the
other 696 go.
An observing man has discovered
similarity between young ladies' SEM
mary and a sugar-house, as both refine
what is already sweet.
Ocean avenue, at Long Branch, is
being plowed up and graded. 1t will
be devoted to the cultivation OF small
potatoes during the summer.
A young lady who was recommen-
ded to bathe her head in salt water, 70
prevent her hair falling out, is sfraid
she has got herself into pickle.
"A Wisconsin woman, who recently
buried her eighth husband, has just re-
ceived an offer of $500 10 move into
some other state, and is standing out
for 81, 900.
q Nellie Grants intended husband
saws "wath for "was," and parts his
hair in the middle, but il has been set
- l.. - -
and she is happy.
A sealed bottle was lately picked
up on the beach of Lake Michigan, and
the note inside read amanda Jones
is dead" Not a single earthquake has
followed the discovery.
"A London advertisement runs thus:
"a country priest will say mass once a
week for any one who will regularly
send him the Times newspaper, second
hand, on the day of its publication.
DIR. Cuyler wants all the young la
dies to band together and say, No lips
shall touch my lps that have touched
bottle" Rather rough this on the fell
lows that we're brought up by hand.
Its easy enough for a man 20 say
he won't never swear again as long AZ
up a bucket of water with n windlass
and have the pin slip out, and then
The Publishers Board Of Trade at
New York have agreed TO withdraw
travelling agents for two years. Now,
il the sewing machine companies would
only do likewise, we might have a rest.
The quickest way we know of TO
make a man believe that there's nothing
in the world worth living for is 10 excite
him into chasing a cat across a yard
where two or three clothes-lines are in
nocently swaying in the evening breeze.
A Georgia negro who bet ten dol
lars that Gen. Washington commanded
the federals at Bull Run handed the
money over, with the remark "Well,
dis we're hist'ry business is all mixed up,
Whenever the average lecturer lacks
a subject on which to pile up agony,
he generally resorts 20 the Pyramids
and gives them fresh rubbing down.
They are as ineXhaustible as they are
"A gentleman was complimenting a
prtty young lady in the presence OF his
wife. " It's lucky did not meet Miss
Hopkins before marriodyou my dear"
'' Well, yes, it is extremely--for her"
was the dry reioinder.
Respect old age. II you have
maiden aunt forty years old, and she is
passing herself of for a girl Of twenty
three, there is no need for you TO expose
her. The more you respect her age and
keep quiet about il, the more she will
respect you.
Paul Hayne recently visited tho
yraye of Edgar Allan Poe, in the Pres
oyterian church-yard in Baltimore, and
lraws sad picture of its desolation.
rhe burial ground is quite uncared for,
md the grave is only marked by a
wooden foot-board.
IT you are in hurry, never get be-
lind couple that are counting. They
want to make so much of each other that
hey wouldn't move quick If they were
yoing 10 a funeral. Get behind your
oily married folks, who have lots Of
children at home, If You W. mt TO move
asst.
The Washington Chronicle proposes
hat the national memorial Washington
in its present state OF mag
lifcent incompletioD, be converted into
shot-tower. II thinks that Washing
on will not care, and even il he does
We can place his vignette on the shot
,ags, and that will assurage his ire.
81 would marry you, Jacob" said
! lady TO an importunate lover, " we're
/ not for three reasons" "Oh, tell
ne, " he said imploriDgly, "what they
re, that may remove them ?" "The
irst is, said she, don't love you
he second is, / don't want TO love you
nd the third is, j couldn't love you
I wanted TO !"
"A Chicago editor who is in favor OF
Ir. Bigelow's plan of celebrating the
thought he had wound up
is article, "Give us fire-crackers, or
i've MS DEATH" but he discovered his
Mistake in the morning when he read,
Give us four crackers, or grieve our
cath" The compositor thought tho
oor man was hungry.
Wife and husband. Scene home.
husband reading q book, and lost IN IT.
Wife on other side OF table rustling un-
10 talk TO. Finally the
xplosion Wife--"I wish i were
ook I" Retort Of the tyrant 80 do
wish you was an almanac, so / could
hange You every year" Falling cur
broomstick.
"A bear attacked Texan farmers
abin one night, when the farmer got mp
lto the loft, leaving his wife and chill
rem to take care Of themselves. The
life seized a poker and aimed happy
low at bruin. "Give it 10 him, Nancy"
ried the valiant husband. After bruin
,as dead he came down from the loft
nd exclaimed, "Nancy, my dear, amt
70 brave ?"
In Halifax, N. S., there is q woman
ho is firmly cOnviL oed that she is dead,
nd she cannot be convinced 10 the con-
AIRY. Her delusion is the result OF
vivid dream which she had
bout six months ago, in which she inn
zined that she had suddenly expired.
{ intervals she lies in bed for days
,otionless and apparently lifeless. It
an extraordinary case Of monomania.
The girls of California seminary
tely developed a singular fancy for
sing three one-cent stamps, instead Of
the regular kind, upon their enve-
pes. The letters we're so very plain
I'd matter-of-fact, and the attempts at
yading surveillance IN the old-fash-
al NhaN