The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-02-03

cal body, had sent a costly silk gown to a
French dyer. The dyer himself brought
home the silk dress, and unluckily, as il
happened, met the husband of the lady at
the door. els madam within 2' asked
the Frenchman. "And suppose she is,
what do you want with her P' 81 am dye
ing for her, Sare." "You dying for my
wife Get out of my house, you scoun-
drel p and he had just raised his foot to
kick the honest artisan into the street, as
the lady made her appearance, and set the
matter to rights.
EsY- One of Boston's esteemed citizens
was in a well-known restaurant partaling
of the wholesome and invigorating apple
pie. Discovering something therein that
seemed to have no legitimate connection
with pie, he called the proprietor, and de-
ferentially observed to him
"See what have found in this pie a
piece of blue overall with button attached.
The enterprising proprietor, not at all dis
concerted, quietly replied ::
Well, keep on eating; you may find
the man."
~ 1t is stated that a wealthy Boston
gentleman met a prominent Judge in the
street a few days since and said "Judge,
l suppose you believe am sane man?"
Certainly" replied the Judge, "but
why ?" 81 have made my will to-day, and
didn't know but some fifth cousin would
swear l was noas-cOmpos-nsentis, and SO l
wanted high judicial authority for my
sanity" 1t won't do TO contest that will
while Judge X. is living.
e5g- The following is verdict of a negro
jury "We, the undersigned, being
korner's iuary to sit on de body of de mig
ger Sambo now dead ard gone afore us,
hab been sittin' on de said nigger afore-
said, and he did on de fusteenth of Novem-
ber, come to def by fallin' from the bridge
ober de riber in de said riber, whar we find
he was subsequently drown, and afterwards
washed on de riber side, whar we s'pose he
froze to def"
G5B- Don't be stubborn unless you are
sure you can afford it, Right in the midst
of the late panic an Iowa man chose to be
perversely obstinate. His daughter wan
ted ninety dollar silk dress and he
wouldn't get it, and he lost sixty by the
operation. She took cold poison, aud the
funeral expenses were hundred and fifty
dollars.
GB- A man living on Long Island
Sound, having his finger caught by a crab,
tried to dislodge it by biting off its claw
He raised it TO his mouth for that purpose
when the crab reached for his nose with
the other claw, and embraced that with
equal ardor and vehemence.
GB- What do you sell those fowls for p
inquired person of man attempting to
dispose of some chickens of questionable
appearance. 81 sell them for proiits,'
was the answer. 81 am glad to learn they
are prophets" responded the querist 81
took them to be patriarchs."
GB- A missionary among the freemen in
Tennessee, after relating to some little col
ored children the story of Anauias and
Sapphira, asked them why God does not
strike everybody dead that tells lie, when
one of the least in the room answered,
Because there wouldn't be anybody left"
GB- A young lady from Georgetown
went to the city the other day to have her
pictures taken. When the artist showed
her the "proof" and asked her how she
liked it, she placidly remarked that he
"put too darned much mouth on it to suit
her."
Gx- A young lady who had ooquetted
with her beau till his patience was com
pletely exhausted, and he rose up to go
away, whispered, as she accompanied him
to the door, 81 shall be at home next Sun
day evening" so shall l, " he replied,
GB- An embryo poet who is certainly
close observer of human nature, remarks
"Time marches on with the slow, meas
ured tread of man working by the day."
1sg- Jim was asked if he ever saw hy-
draulic ram. He said he had never seen
that breed, but he had one of the finest
merinos in the country.
Eg- A California jury on a suicide case
lately returned the following verdict
"We, the jury, fnd that the deceased was
a fool.'
az "Ono thing" said an old topper,
twas never seen coming through the rye,
and that's the kind of whisky one gets
now-a days"
GB- Why is hen-pecked husband like
an opera glass Because he's verv hic, vvhen