The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1874-01-21

thren, that meat here means "vit-
tles' whether it be "chicken fix
ins" or "aour doins," ham bones
or corn dodgers, pickle pork or
billed cabbage and I challenge the
universal creation to refute the
correctness Of my doctrine.
Judging by the shine of your
eyes, my hearers, that you have
imbibed my meaning thus far, l
will now proceed to the second
head and take a birds eye view of
my subject.
COLLECTIVELY.
Having eliminated the true doc
triEe involved in the words chill
dren and meat. 1t is easy to arrive
at the collective meaning Of the
whole passage, and instead ofsay-
ing, children: have you any meat,
we may express the same senti-
ment in the more artistic and
poetical paraphrase,
0 !! FARMER, HAST THOU ANY "vIT-
TLEs?"
"Aye, there's the rub" Hast
thou the wherewithal-not 10
gorge thy everlasting stomach
at the next meal-but to feed thy
self and thy family, thine OK an
thine ass, thy hogs and thy cattle,
even unto the sheep that browse
upon thy pastures, and the COB
bier that struts in thy barn-yard,
until another crop shall come in
the fullness of time.
O! my brethren if I could con-
vert myself into an angel and soar
with the speed ofthought through
out the length and breadth Of
this Southern cline, and paus-
ing at every doorstep, exclaim in
"thoughts that breathe and words
that burn,''
FARMER HAST THOU ANY "vITTLEs?'
how many in this congregation
could rise up and, shaking the dew
drops from their shaggy names,
answer proudly,
''YEA FATHER, I HAVE"
Weeping, l pause for reply.
Oh my brethren, many are call
ed but few are chosen, and hang
dog looks proclaim with trumpet
tongue that most of you are in the
7ocative. Then wo unto you, fool
ish farmers, for verify you are lay
ing up for yourselves hunger
against the day of hunger. Wo
unto you I say, for the folly of
the foolish virgins that trimmed
not their lamps was wisdom COM
pared with your idiotic neglect.
Wo unto you and unto your
wives; wo unto your focks and
unto your children. Wo! wo!
wo! Alas echo answers wo!
Excuse me, my beloved, while I
pause in the presence of this pic
ture to weep and-blow awhile.
Vanity of vanities, saith the
preacher, vanity Of 7anities; all is
vanity,-the son Of David, king
Of Jerusalem, must have invented
that idea on a full stomach,
whereby his reason was clouded,
for the doctrine which he there
propounds is not altogether cor
rect. A myriad of voices spring
spontaneously from the universal
animated creation, and uniting in
one grand choral strain, proclaim
in tones Of thunder that "vittles"
is not vanity, and 1 feel sure, my
brethren, that you will all take
stock with me in that beautiful
and pathetic sentiment.
Give me "vittles" or give me death.
It has been beautifully said that
bread is the staff Of life. I can
vouch for the truth Of this re.
mark with painful fervor, for
verify l say unto you that, in my
meanderings through these low
grounds of sin and sorrow, it hath
often happened that portion of my
earthly tabernacle, which is grace.
fully encircled with the waistband
of my breeches, hath travelled for
'vittles," and, even so have I been
forced to cry unto the children Of
Mammon in the language of my
text,
CHILDREN HAVE YOU ANY MEAT?
If therefore ye raise not the
'.vittles," how can ye have the
staff, and if ye have not the staff
how can ye support the life, and
if We support not the life, what in
| the thunder is to become Of the
country and the preachers? I will
tell you, my agrarian brethren
what will become OF you. You
will sit, like the prodigal sor
among the swine, and dolefully
sing,
Iwant but "7ittles" here below,
And want that "vittles'' quick,
OrI shall wipe my weeping eyes,
| And the bucket Soon!y kick.