The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-11-20
PAcTs AND PANCTEs.


is irresistibly impelled 10 pihy him and
drop paper-weight on his back.
-"Just keeping IL lighted for an
other boy" is the latest juvenile inven-
ton when a mother suddenly comes up.
on her little boy with cigar in his
: mouth.
1t is asserted as n fact that Disraeli
is quite spoony on the Empress Eu-
genie. and all because tho premier has
taken to wearing forget-me-nots in bis
button-hole.
"A Milwaukee man says he'd like to
be wrecked as Enoch Arden was and
come home and find his wife relmarried.
He'd go ont of the gate with hop and
a skip, instead Of breaking his heart.
"A scientific agriculturnlist reports
that he has found as high ms thirty per
cent. of cream in the last pint of milk
drawn from a COW, when the first pint
from the same COW yielded only nine
and one half-per cent.
"A kind-hesrted boy in Philadelphia
stole S700 and presented IL 60 an orphan
asylum, while thousands OF other boys
around the country go off a hshing aud
never even think OF an orphan. asylum.
-Itissuggeste that while sojourning
at the Falls the Irish team might have
won the gratitude of the nation hv
picking of n few hackmen at 1000
yards, or even less.
A correspondent wants 10 know how
to break n COW that is afraid Of wo-
man. We haven't Thought sufficiently
on the subject Co give an answer, but in
! New Jersey, when COW is afraid Of
! woman, she quiets the animal br simply
| hiding her back hair under the milk
pail.
For frst-class forethoupht commend
! us TO that pair of Danbury doves who.
/ when they started on their wedding
| trip. took along with them n small sized
| two-year-old infant, hired for the pur-
| pose Of deceivirg the vulgar public
upon the matter of their newly-found
bliss.
All the Christian scots together
comprise a membership Of about $780,
900 600. while heather worshipers count
over l. 600 600 600. The Buddhists alone
have 34O, 600, 600. The Roman Catholic
church embraces 1875, 600. 600 followers,
while all the Protestant denominations
combined number only 6S, $4,000.
A new territory, composed OF Col
orado, south Of the Divide, and part OF
northern New Mexico, is talked Of as
not improbable. Northern Colorado
will then absorb Wyoming, and become
state. II is thought that the people
of southern Colorado would generally
favor such a movement
Its of no use 30 try 10 get tho cap
ital away from Washington II Washing
ton is the kind of town Olivia says
IL is. Hear her: cit IN the great
throbbing heart of a republic whose
right hand grasps the beard oi tho
stormy Atlantic, while the left is held
out for the Pacific TO kiss."
A man in ParkeTsburR, Va, has
started paper which he calls the jim
plecute, in imitation Of similar piece
OF folly in Texas. But he can not es-
cape. The same law which impels
man to start paper called the Jimple-
cute will, sooner or later, drive him 10
blowing into the muzzle Of his gun TO
see if it is loaded.
THE twin or double hull steamship
Castalea, built 10 overcome the ELECTS
of the rough sea Of the English chan
mel, and intended 20 ply between Dover
and Calais, has made trial trip from
Ramsgate TO Paris. She proved TO be
a most comfortable boat, neither roll
ing nor pitching.
"A Young lad, selling papers, had
such a pair of black feet on him that
they attracted general notice. " "Sakes
alive but why don't you wash those
hoofs !" inquired n gentleman. wash
those hoofs T. echoed the boy, looking
down at them edo you suppose fell
Ter can keep his feet clean and support
his mother too p
A wedding that was TO have occur
red this week has been indefinitely post
poned because the mother-in-law elect
heard that her daughters future hus-
band had au uncle somewhere a caAhier
in a bank. She said there we're sure To
be Irregularities" sooner or later, and
she didn't want the family TO be impli-
Gated in any scandal.
-"Mother," said little Ned, one
morning, after having fallen out OF bed,
az think know why fell out Of bed
last night: il was because | slept too
near where got in" Musing n little
while. as il in doubt whether he had
pi en- the right explanation, he added,
" No. that wasn't the reason IL was be-
cause slept too near where / fell ont"
The Buffalo Express despnirinRly
asks: "Shall we have female hotel
woman who is born 10 command would
be infinitely less dangerous 10 the hap
piness of man, jerking ink behind
hotel counter, than in the role OF the
" angel of the hearthstone, with grid
iron in one hand and a rolling-pin in
the other.
"A Mississippi boatman with immense
feet. stopping at public house on the
leyee. asked the porter for n boot-iack
10 mil off his boots. The colored gen.
tlemap. after examining the strangers
feet broke cut as follows: "No jack
here big nufT for dem feets. Jackass
couIdnt pull 'em off, massa, widout
fractrinp de leg. Yuse better go back
about tree miles 10 de FORKS in de road
an pull 'em off dar.
A Washington telegram says that
project is on foot 30 &c out another ex-
pedition 20 the north pole, aud that Il
will probably be vigorously pushed
during the coming winter. 10 is pro-
posed 10 ask congress for nm appropri-
alton TO build vessel, 10 be Differed
and manned by the navy. There are
said 10 be n number Of naval officers
willing and anxious 20 volunteer ON
such an expedition.
-Twenty-three brigands, who in the
summer had committed n robbery NJ
place on the French frontier,
were recently brought 20 the scone OF
their exploits 30 be shot there by Span
ish troops. The troops we're at fifteen
wards distance. Ten men fell at the
first fire. Eight fell at the second fire
and the other five ran away, the bullets
having cut the cords that bound them.
One was last seen pursued bv four Hol-
liers, who continued firing. How many
lives has n cat?
"A Brooklyn brides back hair fell
down and fell of during the ceremony
in church the other evening. There
was an instant's pause, but nobody was
brave enough 90 stOop down and pick
no the mass of blonde stuff and hair
pins. The bride left the church lean
ING heavily on her husbands arm. Her
face was very red, a sprout Of hair (pos.
sibly eleven hairs in alb stuck out at
the back Of her head, tied with bit OF
shoe-string. And now her pa is mean
enough 20 refuse 10 pay the poor hair
dresser's bill.