Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1874-11-09
AIexa. Gazette a. Virginia Advertise
WHY THE PARSON LAUGHED.

WHY THE PARSON LAUGHED.
Old Parson Somers, whllom the spiritual
guide of the godly people Of Sudbury, once
stated that in the course of fifty years of unin.
terrupted ministraior, he had laughed but
three times 10 the pulpit Ooce was when an
aged mother of his congregation walked sud
denly up from deep sermon-time nap, under
the impression, wildly expressed ere she was
conscious of her surroundings, that her little
grandson, Tommy, was stealing her doughnuts.
But the MOST ludicrous scene--that which most
completely upset hlm--transplred while he
was preaching on exchange at harrington, and
was as follows
The ews of the church were of that od-fash
ioned form, mostly square, and so arranged
that the occupants of contiguous pews, often
sat back to back, with only the partition and
log railing between There are but few of
them left in the country now.
Now, it so happened that on the Sabbath of
Parson Somers' visit, two elderly deacons oc-
cupying adjoining pews, and sitting with their
backs very near together, probably under the
Influence of profoucd mcditatious upon things
holy, had fallen fast asleep, with their heads
throwu back until their long, carefully bound
piously aud kindly inclined said that the dea-
cons were not asleep, but were ooly rapt ln
spiritual fervor; but, be that as it may, they
were certainly oblivious OF surrounding things,
aud thus full into trouble.
10 third pew, cornerlng upon the pew OF
the deacons, sat young man depraved and
wicked; and what does this sacreligious sinner
do but take the dangling queus aforesaid and
tie them firmly together. Aud then, to com.
plete the sin OF his uiquity, ne took pin aad
remorseessly stuck it into the shoulder OF the
nearest deacoo
Ofcourse the deacon jumped, as any one
would have been likely to 90 under the crcum-
stances.
And it will not be wondered at that the other
deacon was caused to jump also.
Let 20 my hair! cried deacon number
one
Let 60 my hair!' vociferated aeAcon uur.-
Der two.
'Let 60, say ~
1t was twitch and twich, bump and bump,
with groans and cries intermingled, until the
two unfortunate men arrived at full conscious
ness of their situation, and then--
But the rest is left to the reader lmagina-
tiou. trusting only that he will not deem it im
pious 90 the part Of the good old parSon that
he fairly laughed on the occasion.
OLDEN TINES Who among our extrava-
yaut young ladies In these boastful times ever
gave her lover, as Cleopatra did, a pearl di>-
solved in vinegar Tor uadisSolved) worth $4OO,-
900? Then there was Paulina, one OF the
ton in Rome, who used to wear jewels when
she returned her visits, worth $30U, 900. Cicero,
who was comparatively poor man 10 those
times, gave 81 500, 900 for his establishment
on the Palatine; while Messala gave S2,O00,-
900 for the house Of Autouy. Seneca, who
was only plain philosopher, was worth $l2O,-
100000. Tibcrius left proI erty of nearly
$l2O,O00OOO Caesar and Marc Antony both
owned wonderful fortunes. Why they talk
about man's failing in New York for ST ,00O-
O0G as if it were big thing. Caesar, before
be entered any Office, when be was young
gentleman iD private life, owed Sl,OO0,OOO,
and be purchased he friendship Of Qu9sor
for 81, 100000 Marc Antony owed $780,
600 ou the Ides of March, and paid before
the Kalends Of March. This was nothing; he
Souaudered 1920, 900 900 Of public money Aud
these fellows lived we'll E,opus, who was
play actor, paid $40O, 900 for a single dish.
Cagula spent $780, 600 for supper. Their
wines we're often kept for two ages, and some
Of them were sold for $50 an ounce. Dishes
were made of gold and silver set with precious
stones The beds of Helogabulus were of
solid silver; his tables and plates were Of
pure gold, and his mattresses. covered with
carpets OF cloth Of gold, we're stuffed with down
from under the wing of partridge. 1t took
$4,000 year to keep up the dignity of
Roman Senator, and some Of them spent S5,
600 year. Aud yet they talk of the ex-
travagance of modern times.
SUSTAIN THE CHURCHES. No man, however
strong his prejudlces against any OF the creeds
of the Christian church, can or will deny that
through it and in it and by it all the good that
is in the world is accomplished. Take from it
the church and its influence, or in other words
take away the Christian region and the world
would relapse into barbarism. Men profess to
live moral, honest and upright lives iodepen-
dent of the Church, forgetting that the toun-
daton of all their morality and uprightness is a
religious education and training that emaoates
from the organized church Of Christ. All the
restraint that is kept upon vice aud crime Is
done through the direct or indirect influence of
the Christian Church Take the worst, most
degraded, uuprincipeled people or community
aud introduced and established the Christian
religion, and the whole nature and tendency OF
such people is changed; reforming the VI
cious, and subduing evil passions. All this
most men believe and yet numbers who
believe in aud commend the works of
the church, aud are friendly to it, are still
willing that this great agency for good
should be lett solely to be supported by its ad
herents, while they cast their aid aud Influence
with its enemies Every man has moral obi
gatou to discharge duty to perform toward
his fellow man, iu his elevation and improve
ment and what better channel can be 6ued or
means adopt through which to work? Money
given to support faithful minister or keep 10
repair house of worship is an investment that
will never be lost to him who values an orde ry
aud good state of society.
The trustees for the heirs to the Tlchborne
estates have been obliged to obtain 40 act OF