The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1874-01-08
BOUT FACE AND BUCK YOU OUT,


The following letter was recently ad-
dressed by Mark Twain to the London
Morning Post, and that paper publishes it
as a curious specimen Of transatlantic
puffsEy":
y SIR: Now that my lecturing engage
metit Is drawing to its close, i find that
there is one attraction which ! forgot to
provide, aadthat is the attendance of some
great memberiof the Government to give
distinction to my entertalnm ents5 Strictly
speaking, did not really forget this or
underrate its Importance. but the truth
was was AFRAID Of 1t. I was AFRAID Of 1T
for The reason that those great personagesf
have 50 many calls upon their time that
they cannot we'll spare the time TO. sit out.
an entertainmdnt, aud knew that if one
of them were to leave his box and retire
while I was lecturing it would seriously
Eembarfasss mel find, ?. however, that
many people think 1 ought not to allow
cthis lack to exist longer; therefore feel
comp eiIed to reveal a thing which | had
intended to keep secret. early ap-
piled te,a party at the East End who is in
the same line of business as Madame Tus-
sand, and he agreed to lend me q couple
of kings and some nobility, and be said
that they would sit out my lecture, and
not only SIT IL out but that they wouldn't
sven leave the place when it was done,
but would Just stay where they were, per-
| fectly infatuated, and wait for more. So l
made q bargain with him at once, and was
going to ask the newspapers to mention,
IN. the usual column. :; that. on such and
snchIAn- evening His Majesty King Henry
| VIII would honor my entertainment with
Lis presence, and that on such and such
an evening His Majesty William the Con-
queror would be present, and that on the
sncceeding evening Moses and Aaron Wo'd
be there, and SO on. w Isfelt encouraged
now, an attendance like that would make
my zen tertainment all that could be de-
sired, and besides, 1 would not be embar-
rassed by their going away before my lec-
tnre was over. But now misfortune came.
In attempting to move Henry VIII. to
my lecture hall the porter fell down stairs
| ard utterly smashed him all to pieces in
the course of moving William the Con-
qneror, something let go and all the saw
dust burst out of him, and he collapsed
| and wit5eFed away to nothing before my
Ieyes Then we collared some dukes, but
they were so seedy and dscayed that
nobody would ever have believed in their
rank; aud so gave them up, with almost
q broken heart. In my trouble i had
nothing in the world left to depend on
now bat lust Moses and Aaron, and con-
l fess to you that it was all l could do to
keep the tears back when ! came to ex-
i Emine those two images and found that
that man. in his unapproaehable =lgno-
rance, had been exhibiting IN Whltechapel
for Moses and Aaron what any educated
1 person could see at a glance, by the hgs-
bture, were only the Siamese Twins.
lea You see now, sir, that have done all
that a.men could do to supply q com
bplained-of lack. and if i haYe failed |
ought to be pitied, not blamed / wish /
could get a king somewhere, just only for
q little while, and would take good care
Of him, and send HIM home, and pay the
cab myself. MARK Twain.
- London. December 10. f- o.. C.