The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1874-03-18
A Tale for she Liquor Dealers.

| Once upon time, as that interest
ing historian, Mr.. Charles Dickens,
relates in his Tale of Two Cities,
there lived in England a 'resurrec-
ZIONIST that is to say, a body snatch
or, by the name of Jerry Cruncher,
in whose house the scene of our tale
opens, just as the hero awakens after
night spent at his favoritc occupa-
ton
Mr.. Cruncher reposed under a
patchwork counterpane, like harle.
quin at home. At first he slept heav-
lily, put by degrees began to roll and
surge in bed, until he rose above the
surface, with his spiky hair loo king as
if i: must tear the sheet to ribbons. At
which juncture he exclaimed, in a
voice of dire evaporation.
Bust me, if she amt at it again y
A woman of orderly and industri-
Gus appearance rose from her knees
in corner with sufficient haste and
trepidation to show that she was the
person referred to.
What said Mr.. Cruncher, looking
out of bed for a boot, you're at it
agin, are yous.
After hailing the morn with this
second salutation, he threw boot at
the women as third.
What said Mr.. Cruncher, vary
ing his apostrophe after missing his
mark, What are you up to, Aggeru-
wayterg
/ Il was only saying my prayers
Saying your prayers! You are a
nice woman ! What do you mean by
Topping yourself down and praying
agin meE
Il was not praying against you;
was prayingfor you
You weren't And if you were, |
won't be took the liberty with.
, Here. Your mothers nice woman,
| Jerry, going praying agin your ia.
theirs prosperity. You've got a du'
tiful mother, you have, my son
You've got a religious mother, you
> have, my boy; going and Topping
herself down, and praying that the
: : bread and butter may be snatched
: out Of the mouth of her only child.
! Master Cruncher (who was in his
!, Il shirt took this very i'll, and, turning
\ to his mother, strongly deprecated
|: any praying away of his persona
" hoard.
And what do you suppose, yoI
!. conceited female said Mr. Cruncher
u with unconcions Inconsistency, tha
the worth Of your prayers may be
Name the price that you put you
prayers at
They only come from the heart
J Jerry. They are worth no more thai
that
d Worth no more than thaty re
peated Mr.. Cruncher. They ain
0 worth much then. Whether or no
J, | won't be prayed agin, tell you.
Il can't afford it. I'm not agoing to b.
> made unlucky by your sneaking. i
: you must go Topping yourself down
$ flop in favor of your husband ant
e child, and not in opposition to- en-
. III had any but on nunat'ral wife
: and this poor boy had any but an un
nat'ral mother, l might have mad,
b some money last week, instead o
J. being counter-prayed and counter
' minded and being religiously circum
{ vented into the worst of luck
Bu-u-ust me, said Mr. Cruncher
!. who had been all this time putting
: on his clothes, if l amt, what will
!; piety and one blowed things ant
u another, been choused this last weel
= ! into as bad luck as ever poor devil
of an honest tradesman met with
: Young Jerry, dress yourself, my boy
u and while i clean my boots keep al
eye on your mother now an then
. and if you see any signs of more flop
(. ping, give me call. For l tell you
II here he addressed his wife once more
! Il won't be gone agin in thi
> manner!'