davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

FEN A.l-s-,S~-~
71,o TOBACCO PLANTERS.
J. r,ver ever introduced has un,cIg9ne ne 50. 80.
No iss ss,s nr conc out OF them WIFE oe'ss'
cord than
SOLUBLE PACIFIC aUASo.
,uo, IN use In Virginia since 1SSso, Ss,s ehJ nr
,ine ,hat time has been appnSu pp y rriacnce that
soil unocr nsers and great satisfaction Is iouho
II has enns, e1ac, ,6st since its Introduction over
$4,000 TONS
,,,, sold in this market alone, and IN se''efs
an,! certificates 'e''i ,~rr,s
"''' 1000 FARMERS and PLANTERS
cs North Carolina, who have used II
Of Nre,NS aigbi wears all going TO essaoi,sh IL as
from OK +" ,lr things considered. II Is
~~,,,, TO ANY and SURPASSED By NONE
W. offer it with great confidence =, 10 for Isnfna nsH Ea In
.n cotton and corn crops 10 DC Hiana. .ns,,or,s
o'acco, .s assuraucc that 1t is In all respects
"a WI WI to what Il has been In the past. N new.
i"'., ms,erials which enter into lts comlsSi'ton
, lnt ~. he men who mausge its manniac'a'e, We
GUARANTEE THE STANDARD.
', & .e,cri,l,v adapted to rLAST-BEDs. lts Mse M
'',..t - growth prevents the attacks o III, uS
- and makes hcalt stocky pIa...s' MN
,nHcS lrsycS and an abanuince oi .Sna raiscd
,.sr trans planting n'"e" o>'' 49,
with Peruvian g'iiho.
PRICE. ONLY $50 PER TON.
ALLISON & ADDISON,
<...,-.i AGENTS for Virginia and North Carolina,
'''"' 1920 and 1922 Cary street
r,~s,,. 3, the Office Of the General Agents, ana
~ I..i AGENTS eveI Swhere. 1a 1-InI
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

Our FRHHDswnx an rRc&rfxp nx.arxpSSu
che rtisement of W. ID HEhsxasfEundRh 4 had
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20
MILITARY NOTICES.

MILITARY NOTICES.
HEADQUARTERS Of" COMPANY H
TEERS, RICHMOND, January 20, 1S74.-The l}
officers and men of this company Will meet at u
the armory THIS (Tuesday) EVENING at ~
O'Clock for drill In full-dress uniform, with arms
A full attendance Is desired.
r. II. GILLIAN.
10 2O-lt* Orderly Sergeant.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20
EOR BALTIMORE.
POWHATAN STEAMBOAT COMPANY'S
THRoUGH-FREIGHT
TRI WEEKLY LINE.
NO TRANSFER BETWEEN RICHMOND AND
BALTIMORE.
NO DOCKAGE CHARGED.

Steamers leave their new pier In the Dock, foot
OF Tweutr-second street, every TUESDAY and
THURSDAY MORNINGS at 4 O'Clock, and SAT-
CRDAY AFTERNOON at 4 O'Clock.
Freight received up TO o'clock P. NJ, and Satur.
days up TO 81 o'clock p. NJ.
Through bius signed to all points north and west,
and rates guaranteed as low rs any other line.
Amply TO L. B. TATUM. Agent.
Offices, Twenty second and Dock and Ninth and
Main streets de s
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

TRANSFER fK1N1IaG-1lKs ,uill cncy ebaar md
dsiibet Tor an tEdcanits lxriod of ttns esnd ysur
orders work to be done IN these Inks % the ts-
patch Printng-Horae. !. 5'r.,.s
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

I ORILLARD MSHIP ANh
- COMPANY. sEA
TRI-WEEKLY STEAMERS BETWEEN
RICHMOND, CITY POINT, NORFOLK, and
NEW YORK,
tSo'ring NJ all regular landings on James river.
4he new and 1rst-clasS steamships
MEDIATOR.
The last and elegant Sieamec TWILIGHT will
IeaFe Matson's wharf, Rockets, every TUES.
"a THURSDAY, and SATURDAY at $50
O'clock A. NJ. stopping at regullT landings on james
Iher connecting with steamers al Norfolk for New
Through bills Of lading signed sor all points, and
'rSights delivered with dispatch
Freight received until r. M daily.
for further Information apply 10
LORILLAkD STEAMSHIP CO.,
Piers 33 and 81 Yaxt river, NeW York; or to-
JOHN w. WYATT, Agent,
o., Richmond, Va,
onlces tt Rockets and corner Main and Four.
aecnth streets, r - M IN
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

DHILADELPHIA, RICF- .cEFFSs
/ NOND. AND NORFOLK STEAM s.zsaaSaa
SI!IP LINE.-FOR PHILADELPHIATW TWICE
WL:-n.--Unti! further nstice the steamers OF this
line will leave Philadclphia every WEDNESDAY
anc SATURDAY, and Richmond every MONDAY
auL THURSDAY at II o'clock NJ.
Freight taken for all parts Of New Jersey. tenn
sviyania for Boston, Providence and New Orleans.
Also, for Antwerp and Liverpool ria Red Star and
American steamship lines, and bills Of ading signed
through.
Passage 10 Philadelphia, including meals anc
st,tcrUU:u, s., w. y. PORTER, Agent,
No. 2423 Dock street, Richmond.
WILLIAM 7. CLYDE & CO., Agents,
No. II South Wharves,
An nG No "a North Nharyes Philadelphia.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

Pewnslssn q Cos 12o1 M.,n ..rssl, are ss,lias
great bargains In furs. 8.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

I TuRs YxEv CHEAP az .WrInesa 8 Co.s.ss
HATS OF ALL riIx LATE STYLES Tor sale atP.
WRrsiGKR 81 Co.'s. 1901 Main street ts sszsla
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

s PRIxBtGo6lEKss sAsD NoHArAIM BuT1sn es
ceiyed weeklyl at atEHnIsTfAy4 fHI1xs &C ~
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

RoOK AND JOB PRINTING DONE AT
- THIS OFFICE ~.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

THE AMERICAN STEAM .@FF&
4 SHIP COMPANY. OF PHILA- :ssesssaassa :sessasaasa
DELPlllA.-Cabin accommodations tstrictly hrst-
Through bills Of lading given to Liverpool. Fol
freight apply TO oo1 o
PALMER, HARTSOOk & CO.,
orl5 Agents here.
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1874-01-20

IRIsH. SCOTCH. sAMB cAsAnIA1 QAr-Sa1Ax,at
chaBrrAx9 . wilrs IS. 4, Is 90
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-03-28
Gelu WanIeo-- MGles.

Elelp kUunItu--yrlHIE9,
rV,HE BECKWITH SEWlNG-MACHINE 20
want gener, and o agents for he sale Of their ~
FAMILY SEWTN MACHINE sells for cash. readily understood
and Liberal discount agents ana exclusive control
Of ory gwen Send circular and samples Address BOZ broad
New-Yorh,
VA ANTED The YOUNG MEN'' CHRIS
w TIAN ASSOCIATION request, merchants and all parties want
CLERKS cogss saen poTtss csses o.
10 apply a 23d and Pourh-ave
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-03-28
Religions Notices.

Trtyseyepth-st. NJ r. Churc.-Presch'pc by the Pastor
1880 ia. SuBisF school al y and T.
EVFNiS sevce at 1870 Total Abstinence" followed By prayer
meeting. All invited.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-03-28
MARCH %, lsn.-TRRLE SHEEP.
gituations fCdnteo--females

n r.rI.a0 Nurses. 4I.
A RESPECTABLE rrot,ssort married woman
"A wBT MORSE private family St9 @es, ss. :. !.
NURSE and SEAMSTRESS-By a French
sI's sass
20 the country Apply at oDELLs AGkSCf No ios
West "a ihst, corner Broslws'.
NURSE and SEAMSTRESS, or as CHAM
IN BERNARD and WAIIREss-By capable Young German
ssl'' 'ssTff E fR6TnsrlsF HONE b
REAU, I3s 6thsver above ION st -
PREsEET employers s47 West S I'D All, liz
going Burope summer has Travelled IN Sarope not ''''A
OIL WEST 26TH-ST.-A French lady as
II SURss to grOwnup chhsni will assist win Chamber
work good references
S1Q WEST 26TH-sT., top 6oorm - u respect ct,
be Of respectable parents
.''' Seamstresses.
Az WATTS-ST.--A good SEAMSTRESS
4O solicit. engagements By tie week.
-| Mattresses.
0SO WEST 3SD-ST.-A respectable Scotch
Se)U girl desires situation frs,cas WAirRbsSi so"a
ueeilewom,n bts, city references country preferred
Miscellaneous.
A RESPONSIBLE woman would take char charge e,
n Of for The Use Of the feIe sad
comfortable beside references furnished address
At 5. a. II. Y. ODELL~, 100 West 8Ith-st.,
n corner Brodvsy-FgMALB HELP Of every description such As
bsunires Nurse
&c every nion,y; references nVsssaed;
all languages spoEeni established 1872
NOLORED HELP. : Employers can be
~ promptly supplied with coLoRBD HELP ,St any s.gssH
male or sIMMSS EMPLOYMENT AGBNC1,
ave 32d 33d Help procured drs fro" the so"in on
10 dar' notice
EOVERNESS.-A young LADY speaking
grenv German RngsL pi French capable Of giving les
sons 10 aid languages music wishes situation best refer
Apply r. w. CHRISrBRN es ~ UnVefH'pAce'
BY letter Box $40, lower Pos.Oice
uOUSEKEEPER in hotel or clubhouse
IL BY French adT speaking German aud Bnshh or VIII take
charge q the lnenroora. Can at 400 Fourth ave
I AIDES DIRECTORY, Broadway, corner OF
IL Forty 9Th Faithful capable SERVANTS Tor city ana eann
try conducted b. LADIES' lS object
THOROUGH REFORM IN DOMESTIC SERVICE Coanp orders
shonld be sent two DAYS Of yiN.
GOOD SERVANTS WANTED apaciy neatly dressed
prepared give reference; false hair and jew not allowed
OFFICE and H0USECLEANING done on
~ rr able terms respectable reliable with excellent
references also FAMILIES WASHING done Call address Mira
COYLE 500 l4hs.
The star of Pascagoula. [volume] (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1873-1878, 1874-06-13

SOD eAAstn. A. D., Milwaukee
CcrscI BGuFTs, Narrh n 1871
Ja1H7 =. sscE1osN cos-fiayine examined The fnrsul. ~ a..
inf'' etf14sh bNiets J have prescribed fhsrn ID NJ uraa
a. ~a h2A 49, sfsno9aoo them ths b~s Torie Rit,rrr
So !. HeNAHoS, NJ d.
fe y all erazEsts 500 Crocerr-
JAM q. q Co. proprsesorz
Lstt-iosy " AL ID ) sosoad St, s. Low n.ssssr.
The star of Pascagoula. [volume] (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1873-1878, 1874-06-13

tf#ssat#sf.@1@As lsassk srif
81 WTa
Hss sf sassf go sst
seq Wa 80 Hfa satf sees go
81 eassf
~ ash aaifsf ~ p - ~ D.
snag ~ ~ Nw sf9sH esss
20 - sssh
= rsas ~ fH kgsaa ~ i4a saas
uaa eas ssss ffaaa ~hsfs ias
fslssf - 81 a. gsssaas tshim
sea .sF ihs ~ hsffx8 a fha sfhfss
g@ssgF Fhs.s 0sfss pfss shai a.
Ar shsss Jga sss ssia - sssffssfaf
- lmfsss ns " ma go s ssisaam
hfss fshh rosa ~ ~ 3 xsg nptIs
To hsas ssnf sisaasi ssaffyf
i "a Me tafm 40 ga ssian f-taalw
slib issfiai fiptii'y mass sia9ri aoibs
itslf spsel ssi Gfss ~ e. mfHtsb ha
aauaHios sh hsaly Hhir tbs
tniss ihsfa #shls lsix at ogss m,ii
s#ssFs sth sisiaisig isffiylas fgrss
ihs msbata Talams ~ lgad smsfsd
ihas bars che 90 "fisfmig b. th death
o samass. mlfa. F.liss iat8 fhis
tuast toe an~iorsusasa p.,4tef va
sept ~iih shs rspiiiy d fh5aaht tisi
shs s r'ss. aisag ihs .bose n Coaa IslshI.
sud oa to~sf1 The eroat u Tbs islL. catch.
log b. rare good ioriaaa o. ihs rosa
shisb % htsly held the vel Known Ter.
rsfan Tower.
The imagination can h,fiiy por,ftJ lbe
horrors o. bis silustion through ths live.
long dsy. The rash and roar u The mad
vs,srs, the ooas Jess thun1ef o. the falls,
clouds Of spray tha, rose 10 sbastly
Of mighty spirits, Tbs constant
trembling Of the rosk 10 shich be- elnng, |
are elements Of q horrible scene that I
. portrayal; AMI tho bright SUI shine
over rock and rapid, the
'he ~nambetless rainbows tintirv erch
rest q spray, and the clustering u OK.
people. so Tar of rs to seem like
'nis upon the shore, heightened rather
ather thas detracted from its %terrors.
The rsscue, too, must have been ~ fear.
as the peril. When q boat was LEI
to Avery, many years since, from
he Goa. Island bridge, the iron nerves
hitch sustained the poor wretch through
whole day gave way, and leaving his
old Of the rock a moment too soon, he
as swept shrieking into eternity, 50
the trial upon MeCullough's control
ave been Terrible. as the hero Conroy
cared him. He held ont to the last,
oweyer, and now lives to nsrrate an *.
that few i habitants can boast of
The star of Pascagoula. [volume] (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1873-1878, 1874-06-13
New York Herald /
Senator Brownlow's Resanta.
ton.

Senator William G. Brownlow, 8
Tennessee, is evidently coming rounC
to the frame Of mind in which he wa,
eforc the war, when he lectur ed IN
the Northern States on the divine
character OF slavery. 1t seems tina
convention Of colored men held il
Nashville took occasion TO criticise
the Senator for his lukewarm course
in Congress. The Senator replies in
an elaborate letter, marked with his
Pocaliar, LONELY style in which he
treats the convention as misguided
men" melted by "uDprincipled dema.
gogues." He sums up his record as
a friend of the Union and a friend of
the negro, and especially when, as
Governor, "unawed by personal
threats and the frowns of life long
supporters" he demanded Tor the
negro equal rights witt, the yLite
man. Although he thus aided The
negroes, ahe owed them nothing, and
he owes his election to the various
Offices be has held to 'the votes of
the loyal white men of the State and
the Acknowledgement of those who
participated in the rebellion" At
the same time he will not support the
Civil Rights bill or any measure
that provides for the co education o
the two races" Rather than do this
he would See every political organi-
zalion in the land go the way of
Wards ducks and every politician
buried without hope of resurrection"
If this bill is passed the whole school
fabric in Tennessee will fall to the
ground. WI
This is plain and bold language
from a Senator who has always been
among the most radical of the Re.
publicans. He sees, no doubt, that
he has gone far enough in his accep,
tance Of the extreme yi.ws oil
tie Republican party. The issue he
makes is not q practical u No
civil rights a secure the co-educa-
ton of the races in any State, unless
the races. themselves prefer to
study their grammars together. The
whole issue is thoroughly a senti-
mental one. 1t is "a pretext, not a
principle of political diverc.
cFce. Hereto ore the Radical Sene-
ross from the South have abandoned
everything to please the negro. Now
they find fhat there is another in
TO be. conciliatei. AR.
in taking this step, only
i%ustiies u estimate of him as a man
unusual shire wdnoss. who knew
when to support slavery and when to
.ppose it who knows when the negro
influence is useful and when il ceases
% have any value. His declaration
,f opinions 10 one Of the most signif.
ant events in the now ripening can.
Ass for the Presidency.
The star of Pascagoula. [volume] (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1873-1878, 1874-06-13


WeaTfsnH a. ~aFfssssFt
Nnsfsssy y 8rw isff
Nmaf
veg " laofm fsa fsf ~ ..
~, stmssas ~ " ne faaf
Taas Bsias. Bel ffgsl o
t~8ssessf.oa ~ ~fsmisfmsa ~ fte
pasposs ~ isgmis9 ~ iafsiaaaoaa'
Association 81 iawtsrwsk 10 80
Bs, as gfsassied e As Efthaaw,
. Hsaaisf hsslibg held Apdi
1915. 1914 shs- as i0losiag re-
tiaaea ras mia maay a1apsa!
Exfn4m Faoa rer Missfm
Heshrss That ds ms@lefs % ire
West Bfaneh iamtafmaas E&asaane
giss flaif heafiy approval h. fta
pfop0. lion n NJ y w -ym9tds
20 convene a aatlsfihg ~ fhe ION
tcfmea q North Amefics. ~ fob.
mi'sfan pp fsAfsef ~ fatfest q tbs.
Trade ena 70 iaks action ior he psf.
ma0tat Asaoaadon Of L~ambofmea.
aad tbs amo BE- referred t0 tte
Board " Directors nv them ~ fake
such sesiOa as vii farther ,hs cod
in view.
Ala meeting ~ the Board Of hi.
rcciofs, held 20th, 1874, The following
Preamble and Resolution were
adopted
,BxTaacr FRoN .Hk MIsuTzs.
WHs1gxs ~ has been brought 10
the notice Of The Exchange hat a
conyocaiion OF al lhe Lumber Nan
iaciurers Ia The United States and
Canada, you'd be productive Of good
the Trade, and
WHEREAS IL Is believed that The
meeting should be held 10 4 c City of
WlliiamSport, as fle advantages OF
Central location and Hotel and other
accommodations would be unsurpass-
ed. Therefore be It
Resolued. That the West BRANCH
umberman's Exchange extend a cor.
dial Invitation to all manufacturers of
Lumber in the United States and
Canada, to meet in ~convocatioD, in !,
this City, on the Odd day in June
next, E.
Etsolued. That the Secretaries be ,
ordered 10 transmit copies of these
Resolutions to all Lumber Organiza- '
tlons, and to Papers III Lumber Dis ,
frlcts, for their information. |
] have the honor TO be !
Yours, Respectfully, 1
VIM. RANDALI Pryor,
Asst. Secretary.
The star of Pascagoula. [volume] (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1873-1878, 1874-06-13

as meeting of the Board Of III.
rectofs, held 20th, 1879, The following
Preamble and Resolution were
adunfed
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11

for collecting all sorts of curious
out of the way articles, and her
cabinet was worth seeing.
Uncle Clarence did not forget
his promise, and the letter arrived
in due time, and was read with as
much interest as if it had been
whisked down by the tail of a
comet or dropped from the wallet OF
the man in the moon.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11
The Smallest POst-0mCe.

"Now, where do you suppose the
smallest post-office is! y asked I'm
Gle Clarence, one evening, as he
laid down q magazine he had been
reading.
"Away off in Colorado or Mon
tana, or some of those new sections
of country" answered Lewis.
"There are some pretty small
ones there, no doubt but the one
refer to beats them all for little
ness. 1t is kept in barrel"
All the children laughed and
practical Jenny remarked: /
should not think there would be
much room for the postmaster to
turn round"
at has no postmaster" said
Uncle Clarence, sit keeps ITSELF"
Curiosity was now wide awake
to know all about this wonderful
postoffice.
at is situated, or rather hung,
on the outermost rock of the
mountains overhanging the Straits
of Magellan, opposite Terra de
Fuego. Every passing ship open:
it to place letters in or take then
out. Every ship undertakes t.
forward all letters in it that is pos
sible for them to transmit. How
many homes have been mad,
bright by these messages left il
the barrel post-oflice.
at hangs there by its iron chain
beaten and battered by the win,
and storms, but no locked an
barred office on land is more secure
1t is not in the track of mail rot
bers."
allow / should like to get le'
ter from it, said Jenny.
would put it in my cabinet as
curiosity"
"Would it be the next best thin
to have letter somebody else &c
through it! II SO can oblige yor
have one which my cousin Tor
dropped in there for me, when h
was ON his long voyage. 1t ws
post-markcd across the end by Ii
cap ain of the Gold Hunter, who;
ship brought it on to Boston.
is a pretty good letter too, and wi
Interest you"
Jenny was delighted with th
proposition, for she had a passio
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11
How Coal Ashes Affect the
Wind.

The wind is governed by atmos-
pheric changes and coal ashes.
We don't know, positively, which
has the greater influence, but we
are inclined to stake our all on coal
ashes. We do not believe that all
the atmosphere about us can con-
troll the wind to the degree that
one hod of coal ashes can when
passing through a sieve in the
hands of q man who has got his
best suit of clothes on. We re-
member an occasion when the wind
was blowing direct from the west
and had been blowing from that
direction all day, and bid fair to
blow from that direction as long as
there was any direction left, that a
man Whose name we need not men
tion) dressed in his best suit of
clothes, and with pomade on his
hair, stood on the west side OF n
sieve of coal ashes and undertook
to screen them. We remember,
too, and we remember it with
vividness that is quiet remarkable
that when he had gyrated that
sieve about three times, that west
ern gale veered to the east with
such appalling promptness that
before he could make the slightest
move to save himself he had dis
appeared-Sunday clothes, pomade
and all-in q binding cloud of
ashes, out of which Immediately
emerged the most extraordinary
sneezing, and coughing
ever heard in that neighborhood.
One seive full of coal ashes, with
the operator dressed for church,
has been known to change the
wind to thirty-two points of the
compass.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11

A devout clergyman sought ev-
cry opportunity to impress upon
the mind of his son the fact that
God takes care of all his creatures
that falling sparrow attracts his
attention, and that His loving kind
ness is over all his works. Hap
pening one day to see a crane wa
ding in quest of food, the good man
pointed out to his son the perfect
adaptation of the crane to get its
living in that manner. 'See," said
he, show his legs are formed for
wading! What long, slender bill
he has Observe how nicely he
folds his feet when putting in and
drawing them out of the water
He does not cause the slightest
ripplel He is thus enabled to
catch the fish without giving them
notice of his arrival. My son,
said he, sit is impossible to look al
that bird without recognizing the
goodness of God in thus providing
the means of subsistence" eyes
replied the boy, 81 think | see tn
goodness of God, at least so far q
the crane is concerned; but, afte
all, father, don't you think the ar
r rangement a little rough on tn
fish 2"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11
A Cruel Deception.

You may remember that lee
tured lately for the young gentle
men of the Claytonian Society.
During the afternoon Of that day /
was talking with one of the young
gentlemen referred to, and he said
he had an uncle, who, from some
cause or other, seemed to be per-
fectly bereft of all emotion. And
with tears in his eyes this young
man said:
"Oh, if 1 only could see him
laugh once more! Oh, if only
could see him weep
l was touched. / could never
withstand distress. l said;
'Bring him to my lecture. I'll
start him for YOU
"Oh, if you could but do it /! All
our family would bless you forever
more for he is very dear to us.
Oh, my benefactor, can you bring
soothing tears to those parched
orbs y
l was profoundly moved. said
"My son, bring the old party
around, l have got some jokes i'll
my lecture that will make him
laugh if there is any laugh to him ;
and, if they miss fire, l have got
some others that will make him cry
or kill him."
The young man wept on my
neck, and spread both hands on my
head and looked up toward heaven
mumbling something reverently;
and then he went after his uncle.
He placed him in full view in the
second row Of benches, that night,
and l began on him. | tried him
with mild jokes-then with severe
ones l dosed him with bad jokes,
and riddled him with good ones; /
fired old, stale jokes into him, and
peppered him fore and aft with red
hot new ones. ! warmed up to my
work, and assaulted him on the
right and left, in front and behind
l fumed and charged, and ranted,
till / was hoarse and sick, and fran
tic and furious; but | never moved
him once-I never started smile
or a tear! Never a ghost of
smile or suspicion of moisture +!
was astonished. | closed the lee
ture at last with one despairing
shriek-with one wild burst of hu-
mor-and hurled n joke of super
natural atrocity full at him. 1t
never stirred him! Then / sat
down bewildered and exhausted.
The President of the society
came up and bathed my head with
cold water, and said:
"What made you carry on so
toward the last 2"
l said 81 was trying to make that
COMPOUNDED old idiot laugh, in the
second row."
And he said: "Well, you were
wasting your time; because he is
deaf and dumb, and as blind as a
badger"
Now was that any way for an old
mans nephew to impose upon a
stranger like me ?-Ndrk TEAM.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11
A Dry Joke.

On a sleeping car the other night
one lady exclaimed, "Oh, how dry
l am ~ There was q moments
pause, and again rang out, "Oh,
how dry l ann Another moment
passed, and the doing sleepers
were once more startled by the
sephulchral information, "Oh, how
dry l ann "Won't somebody get
that woman a drink ?" howled an
old gentleman who being rheumat-
ic, and occupying an upper birth,
could not very well himself. The
demand was complied with, and
the grateful sound of gurgling
water was soon heard. Then their
was moment of silence, and fol-
lowing it came the solemn tones,
"Oh, how dry l was" There APP
peared to be no doubt of it, by the
occupants Of the car, and if the
truth could have been known, they
were unselfishly glad she had
found relief: and they composed
themselves afresh for sleep. Then
the voice agaan smote the air: Oh
how dry I was" Everybody
started, and every eye was distend
ed. ooh, how dry was" repeat
ed the grateful woman. ether
dry up!" screamed the gallan
old gentleman in the upper berth
She did.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11

One lady remarked to another,
in conversation, that sparrows were
useful in Kidding some cities of
canker worms. The other lady
said she would rather not be tor
mented by spaITows. Just then a
gentleman approached and was re-
fered to:
"Mr.---which do you think
worst-sparrows or worms Z"
81 don't know never had
sparrows."
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1874-03-11

Speak gently TO the crring one.