The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1874-11-02
vocRaTIc.IIBERAL TICKET.
REPUBLICAN TICKET.
RECIPROCAL THEFT.
Sarcastic and Humorous Speech Of Hon. 5. B.
Cox, in Congress.

Sarcastic and Humorous Speech Of Hon. 8. 3.
Cox, in Congress.
Discussions in congress on the tariff and
tax bills are not always the most interest
ing reading, but the following extract
from an old speech Of Hon. 5. ), Cox OF
New York, on the subject Of tariff robber-
les, will be found exceedingly lively read
ing. Mr.. Cox is one of the most witty
men in congress and uses the rare gifts OF
ridicule and sarcasm 10 the best advan-
tage, When he speaks members always
gather around him, expecting sharp hits
and much fun. Mr., Cox said:
1 do not propose so much to antagonaIze
the gentleman from Massachusetts (Mr'
Butler) in regard to making salt partly
free. / should like to see it entirely free.
l speak on this side Of the House lstand,
ing near Mr.. Dawesl because my SIDE OF
the House is somewhat demorallzed on the
tariff laughter Judging from some OF
the votes given on coal there yesterday
Some curious arguments were made yes,
terday. They 60 far to disturb some OF
nv principles. if not control my vote.
gentleman from Pennsylvania (Mr. Crit
Eth appealed to my friend from Indiana
(Mr. Kerr not to oppose the coal tax, be-
cause he was born above coal formation
[laughterl in Pennsylvania and his play
mates were honorable men. | feel the
force of that ad hominem. l was born
near the salt wells Of the beautiful Mus
kingum. in Ohio. Before that stream
had slack water, before it was considered
hardly worth a dam laughter its banks
spouted salt water like Massachusetts,
member of congress 1t was evaporated
by bitumiuous COAL mean nothing per-
sonal to the gallant member from Massa
chusetts (Mr. Banks)---l mean the salt
water not the banks laughter. Around
the wells and kettles of my native river
cluster those sweet saline associations
which have preserved me ever young
They are hard to resist. Another argu
ment has still more force. The gentle
man from Maryland (Mr Ritchie) beg us
not TO throttle the infantile coal interests
of his beloved Cumberland. laughter. ]
Although that unhealthy baby has been
fostered by ''paternal government on
pap" or, as | ought to say, by a mater
nal government on milk llaughterl for so
many years, its power OF suction Is at least
forty thousand horse-powe laughter, J
Those are statistics laughter. Yet,
with rare economical genius, followed by
the eloquent fiscal member from the IA
nawha salt works, he appealed to us to let
him steal, so long as other sections stole
from him. Was there ever such an Illus
tration as that just made by the gentle.
man from Massachusetts (Mr. Butler)
The gentleman from Missouri (Mr. Fin
kelnburg) wanted to be so honest as to
help the people to keep pork by cheap
salt The gentleman from Massachusetts
(Mr. Butler) wants to cheat the treasury
by free salt for goldfish This is all lar
ceny. laughter. What could be more
reasonable or ethical? Let US be to each
other instruments of reciprocal rapine'
laughter Michigan steals on copper /;
Maine on lumber Pennsylvania on iron !;
North Carolina on peanuts; Massachu-
sets on cotton goods; Connecticut on hair
pins; New Jersey on spool-thread Loui-
siana on sugar, and so on. Why not let
the gentlemen from Maryland steal on
coal from them? True, but a compare
tive few get the benefit, and it comes Out
of the body of the people, true, it tends
to high prices, but does not, stealing en-
courage industry? Let us, as moralists
if not as politicians, rewrite thu
eighth commandment Thou sha,
steal; because stealing is right when com
mon" As | am a representative OF NeN
York, and Onondaga, with the aid of tn
foreign solar artisan, evaporates salt, ough
| not also to steal to help Onondaga p
Stealing by tariffs, Mr.. Chairman, is, a
DeQuincey proved OF murder, a fine art
If everybody stole of everybody, is Their
any reproach to anybody? laughter
If everybody is burglar, is there an,
need for anybody 10 lock up houses? Tn,
mining companies out west send their ore
to Wales to be so refined as to get NOR,
wealth. 1t ought to be stopped. lie
them steal capital out of government! =
Why not pilfer something out of some
body elses earnings aud build works il
Colorado and Nevada like those in Wales
How happy we should all be when the re
proach of Goat Island is removed from til
Pacific, and from the gentleman from Ca
ifornia (Mr. Sargent) laughter by
grander steal for wool and blankets Ho
happy we should be when we can'look eac
other in the face here, clasp hands as no
/ look into the face of the gentleman troI
Massachusetts tMr. Dawes and say, go
bless you, my brother you have stole
from me, and | from you; let US love on
another" Great laughter. Then th
little unprotected pigs, who are crowde
by big pigs, quietly eating out of tn
trough, will squeal no more to be let in
laughter for on this idea shall all be fe
by swallowing each others food; al
when all are fed no one loses and we sha
be happy. This principle commends
sen to the gentleman from Massachuset
tMr. Banks who has made the speech ,
this subject that delights my heart.
has so much moderation and wisdom.
has 20 nonsense; no doctrine in it. 1t
petit larceny. He would not steal as mu,
as others, but to steal in good companv
he would steal less. There is. then. n
50 much motive for detection and punis
ment. Other gentlemen are OVERRIDING
He would steal sixty per cent, less III
others, say on coal But, whether petit
grand larceny, the results are such Il
when every cove" has an equal chance
the swag William Sykes becomes as hon
arabic as the Artful Dodger, whom
papers Eken to my friend from Massacl
sets MIR, Dawes. laughter A
even Oliver Twist, like myself, could "a
for NOR" without affecting the inuoceu
Of his simple naturel laughter
few more statistics" and | subside
laughter. How beautifully this thong
is illustrated by the well-laid breaks
table Of my colleague (Mr. BroOksl I
a.. i