Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-01-15
PHUNNYGRAMS.


sensew exclaimed a sarcastic young lady
10 a visitor. "Ohs" was the reply but
wouldn't that be taking an unfair advan-
tage your
"A Danbury woman hearing that a
former neighbOr, who had once tried TO
iniure her, had been seen in New Haven,
inquired with burning eyes and cheeks,
What did she have on?'
"A Young man at Austin, New, the
other day made u serious mistake. tie
bought handsome dress pattern for his
sweetheart and pair of red flannel draw
ers for himself. He delivered the wrong
bundle to the young lady Result-a
broken head and ruined tryingpan.
Item for "relic-hunters: The Gus
todian of what had been Garibaldis
straw.stufed bed on Ischia was heard TO
mutter, on seeing a lady carrying few
straws as a relic: "They will do it; I've
stuffed it six times already since the
General LETT
A fine bay horse in California was
found suspended, one morning from a
cherry tree, by the neck. and dead. He
had been hitched to a branch Of the tree,
which had grown so rapidly during the
night that il raised him off his feet and
hung him. Ana they don't think oftenc-
ing in California.
Sir Moses Montefore, the great jew
ish banker, was negotiating loan on the
Bourse, when IL small lot of capitalists
approached him. ooh, dear" cried one
"he is going to swallow us all" mo, my
dear sir" said Sir Moses, with a caustic
smile, my religion forbids that"
An advertisement in an Irish paper,
setting forth the many conveniences and
advantages to be derived from metal win
dow sashes, among other particulars OBJ
served "that those sashes would last for
ever-and afterwards, if the owner had no
use for them, they could be sold for old
iron"
A clerk in city book store, thinking
TO annoy Quaker customer who looked
as though he was fresh from the country,
handed him volume, saying: Here Is
an excellent essay on the rearing OF
calves" Thee had better present it tC
thy mother, young man." was the sponta-
neous retort of the Quaker.
Hoy much our home comforts are
really dependents upon the capacity OF
our servants, finds daily illustration. EC.
eDspli qrdtta. Old lady deaf and provided
with ear-trumpet. Old lady Intercepted
ey well-meaning waitress, "Will she have
some suuash?" Old lady Inexpensive
and extends ear-trumpet toward waitress,
who deposits squash therein and passes
on.
Master Colville received prize Fri
day afternoon for a composition on Rev
erence and further distinguished himself
in the evening, on the occasion of the
pastors visit, by shutting the tail OF the
dominie's coat in the parlor door and i'm
pelling him to leave them there by intro
duCing pin in his chair. The pastor re
turned home wi h cloud on his brow
end one of Colville's coats on his back
leaving Master Colville executing horn
pipe in the woodshed, under the auspices
of his Donbury Ne,0s.
There has been gun standing be
hind a cupboard in Pine street resi-
dence for the past eight years. 1t be
longed to the occupants father, and was
set up there in loaded condition 1tS
presence was always an eyeS0re to the
occupants wife, who shared fully witt
the sex their fear of firearms. SO the
other day-Frday, we thint-she IN
duCed her husband to take it down anc
fire it Oft He had never fired off CUR
that had been loaded eight years; in fact
he had never fred off gun at all; so he
poked it out of window and took ain
into the garden, without the taintes
shadow of fear. His wife, being airaic
Of firearms, stood behind his back anc
looked over his shoulder with her eye
shut tightly. He shut his eyes too, ant
then he pulled the trigger. OF what ill
mediately followed neither appears tC
have any settled idea. He says he car
vaguely remember hearing noise o
some kind, and has an indistinct impress
sion of passing over something which
must have been his wife, as she was iount
between him and the window by thu
neighbors, who drew him out of the fire
place. The fact that one of his shoulders
was set back about two inches, and tina
three of her teeth were imbeddea in hi
scalp, seemed to indicate that in stepping
back from the window he had done ST
abruptly; and this conclusion, we ar
glad to say, was verified by both on being
restored to coDsciousness.-Life IN Dan
twy
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