St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-05-29
Squibs.
What is necessary to farmer to as

-
sist him? System.
What would give a blind man the
greatest delight? Light.
The cheapest thing in the world to
ride is a hobby. 1t eats no oats, it
demands no groom, it breaks no traces,
and it requires no shOeing.
An Irishman being asked what he
would charge per day for his labor, re-
piled "A dollar and a-half a day if
eat myself, and one dollar if you eat
me-"
school, and for the first time heard Of
quite anxious to find out what she did
with the remainder of the cheese.
Con.-Why are present fashions cal
culated to injure the tempers of ladies ?
Because, no matter how amiable a
lady's disposition may he naturally, she
is required to be ruffled whenever she
appears i'll society.
All the difference-A thief running
away is IL scamp, but the policeman's
chase after him Is a scamper.
Men will sumtimes admit that they
hav been disappointed, but it il hard
to find one who will own up to Il blum
der.
Mummy IL like time-the more IA man
has on hand Ov either, the more he
wants, and the less he knows how to
use it.
The cluSser we git to Il CRATE man the
less he appears to us. distance lends
her euchantmcnt in this case az liberal
az i'll emmy other.
No man ov real genius has ever been
able to eSkapc noti>S, but the world haZ
allowed thousands ov them to starve to
deth
\ professor who recently tried to
meSmerise bull by gazing tixedly at
the ferocious beast, has just recovered
from the effects of his involuntary aerial
navigation, and has quite lost faith in
the power of the human eye over hrutcs.
Much given to seIenading his dull
cinea with ''I'm lonely tonight, love,
without thee" Il lovelOrn swain was i'll
terrupted by dogs the other evening.
who etfectually di>pelled his loneliness
during Il two-mile race.
''Joln,' said ii school master. you
will soon he Il man, and will have to
attend to business. What do you sup
pose You will do when YOU have to
write letters unless You learn to spell
better!' "Oh, sir" answered John, Il
shall put easy words i'll them"
\ bright youth in Richmond, Ken
lucky, Learning that gas was to he in
troduced. and observing the work men
digging out places for the pipe, inquired
OF one of them, chow deep they would
z" down before they struck gas
A nursery scene.-"Now, Willie, do
have little courage. When | have Il
powder to take, don't like it any more
than you do, but make up my mind
that | will take it. and | do" And
when have Il powder to take" replied
Willie, Il make up my mind that
won't take it, and DON'T
At the court of Louis XIV there were
two very fat noblemen-cOIlSins. The
king rallied one of them on his corpu-
lency, and added: Il suppose You take
little or no exercise ?" Your majesty
will pardon me- replied the duke, for
| generally walk two or three times
round my consin every morning.
a traveller in France, whose con-
science would not allow him to swear
found at the hotel where he was stay ing
that the walters had been 50 accustomed
to hear Englishmen Use strong language.
that they set him down Il milksOp. and
neglected him accordingly. He there
fore hit upon this eXpedient to secure Il
proper amount of attention. Whenever
he gave an order he rolled ont in sonor-
Gus tones the words, "Northumberland.
Cumberland, Durham The effect was
marvellous.