St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-10-16
ST. t9ohnsburn Galrdonian.
,t.Johnsnury. W.. Friday. Oct. I6. 1874.
Squibs.

Early to bed and early to rise will all
he in vain if YOU don't advertise.
\ common Sucr \ lawyer. +. :.
He is likely to prove il drain Ia his
client.
Tender hearted persons VIII" have
read "f thu, fierce raid of TcNan steers
through thc streets oi -. Louis will he
pleased To learn from the market re
ports. that there is a better feeling
III Texas CATTLE
\ Western man set iir- to the pr:il-
liC for fun, but after he had run seven
miles and climbed tree. with his pants
about all burned oil. he concluded the
sport WA, Il little too violent tn be i'll
dulgcd in uttcnrr than once in life
time.
If the time ever comes for the cXpla
nation of the my >tcIicS of this world,
We shall hr clad to know why the
the Young man who remarks on !c.tv-
luy church. II can preach better ser
mon than that myself" is content t"
wear his life out over Il counter At
fifty dollars Il month.
1t having been asked. hy one curious
IN the CAUSES of things, why tw"-third>
Of The hotel clerks are bald. Il Keen oh
server gives it aS his opinion that it
may bc hccau>c the forces of natur"
alc diverted from the scalp to the cul-
tivaiiun of supernatural cheek.
This i how the c"luIcd preacher nj
Richmond arranged his hearers for mI;-
tual convenience DE fore part "h tl''
church will please sit down 81 de hiud
part oh de church can sec dc fore part.
tuI dc hind part cant see de fore part
eft dr fore part persist i'll stanim' before
d,. hind pant Ia dc utter exclusion of de
bind part 10y dc fore part.
\ professional man not far from State
street. Boston. returning from his office
one day. attrl Il substantial lunch. said
cumplaccmllN To- his assistant, Nh.
Pcctilim. the world looks different /" 4
man when he ha, three inches of RIM
IN him" 'lc>," replied the junior.
without Il moments hesitation. land
h, looks different t" the world ~
a gentleman of Il mechanical turn ot
uIud took oil his gas metre I" repair
il himself. and put ii up again upside
down. At the end of the quarter it
Wa> proved with mathematics! correct
nr>> HAT the gas company owed hln
~-.JO.
The ulnr of BruuklNn Sanctity is :"
siren" that when the wind j. from th;,
East. New Jersey people shut down
their windows.
\ citizen of Portland WAS walking
down town. one nI"rnih%. Whcna Stian-
@"I addressed nm: ''Do You know
WIrrr the post office i - lies" an
~vclrd tnc porllanhrr. ailahy. and
walked on without further pirlry. M-
irI takin" ahoIt ten steps he looked
back and inquired III his rulu. "NiN
did luu want ia know ," NO.. re-
turned the vic,im with caluc>tnrs>
and passed ON.
GIN Il crui~, TN, sailors Saw Il comet.
aud were >oucW hat surprised and
alarmed III It's appearance. Tn" hands
met and appointed Il committee {" wait
an the commander and ask his "pui"n
of it. They approached him and said :
I'VE wait to ask Your opinion. y"u.
h"n"l." ''Wrll. my boys, what j. II
about ," We want to ask about that
thing up there. ''NoW. before an
svrr You. first lei me know What l,li
think il Is ," ''Wcll. Nou honor. We
have talked it all over. and we think
it, Il star sprung Il leak.
\ good many stories are told of STAN
mcrcr~. hut none of recent date better
than the following. of Plat Evans of
Cincinatti 1t Wa> on" of his plrasuIc>
to teach his friends how to purchase
tender "ccSc. though he could not al
ways get them Ia market. Dmc morn
ing. he saW lot, and inquired of the
farmer how mlhy there were. ''.\hnut
dozen. WAS the reply. Nv -w-Wcl. "
said Platt. Il k-k-krep h-hoal'lm%-
house, and my h-h-hoardcr~ AZ" the
biggest c-c-rdtcr> Nou even S->->lW.
PIP pick out u-n-nine ot the tt though
est N"u'Nr . = got. The farmer com
piled. and land aside the other three
tender ones. Platt picked them Ul
carefully. and putting hem in his has
k"r, said. II h-h-hcIjc>c I'll t-t-takc
these three.