The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-01-17

at present am not in the possession ol one u
my knowledge. ~.
out single, or married, relative IN inc ulslanCr
, but AIN so successful IN COnccailnS my SORROW
that no one suspects its existence ,,
Whether my ancestors came over III inc nay
, flower, depends in large measure upon VIVA
was the passage money III anything al All, oh
!, inclined to think they went around"
When asked if am q relation OF yours, yol
should kindly but firmly deny it. 1t is going K
; be too hard winter to take on relations.
Yours in Sympathy nx
We do not know who Is responsible for tho
following snake story, which is floating arounC
among news items;
| Young girl near Marengo, Iowa, is wonder
| fully marked by mathematics. Running partially
around her neck, side by side, are two snakes a'
natural AS if alive and the skin being transparent
they seem only in wait for victim. On the front
of the neck and upper part Of the breast are lht
rattles-as though aatpin-Isaklng peficc,
picture and shedding regularly every year.
Noble decdsnevcr 90 wholly unrewardcd. The
following truthful relation is from Chicago
paper:
| Twenty-Five years agoa young man saw a team
of runaway horses coming down over the stumps
in one OF ChicagoS streets, and behind them was
la wagon containing q fat old woman yelling for
help. The swift going wagon struck stump
the woman described a parabola in the air, the
young man sprung toward and allowed her to
fall upon him. She died last week, and left him
her property. He is now i'll easy circumstances,
and wears socks the year round.
They obtain their wisdom in solid chunks in
Missouri. A husband ont there his wife having
applied for a divorce, wrote n protest to the
Judge in which he said: "Don't you grant her
boss. In nay opinion this durn thing called
dcyocc has parted many a man an his wife"
Louisville has unwittingly committed itself to
grand temperance reform, by voting to send
drunkards home, instead of to the lookup. The
worst cases are cured in this way. The men
came out in a day or two with somewhat less
capillary adornment and 4 chastcucd look which
tells of the refining influences Of home,
DR.. I1io Lewis now tells "our girls" that if
they want to learn to walk well they should
" walk an hour day, with II wcight-say q bag
of beans-upon their heads" 4 few days ago
he advised ladies to eat beans to improve their
complexion, Is the Doctor trying to get up a
corner on beans?
Treasurer Spinner has gone ON q health rccu
pcrating trip to Florida. Some one says he has
gone there to meandsr by the romantic crocodile
bayous and discover if the footprints Of those
creatures really do resemble his autograph.
country pcdagogue in Henry county, Ind,
requested all Of his scholars to write piece"
under penalty Of thrashing. A rising genius
got of the following;
Lord Of Love,
Look down from above
On Us poor scholars;
We have hired fool
TO teach our school,
And pay him fifty dOllars.'
The Titusville girls have voted not to purchase
dry goods at any stores that keep open after 6
o'clock in the evening. They say the clerks can
be much better employed than measuring tape
in the evening.
In Il California obituary it is stated that "The
deceased was person of romantic nature. He
placed the brcoch Of his gun in the fire, and,
looking down the muzzlc, departed hence nstan.
tancously.'
Japan continues to grow civilized. In the bar
barou5 era, official thieves committed hari-kari;
later with big rcyolyors they shot their heads Oh
now they simply demand Searching nycsti-
CATION"
4 music dealer in an Eatcrn town announces !
in his window sentimental song, Thou Hast
Loved Me and Left Me for twenty-five Cents"
indianapolis girls when at the opera occupy
balcony seats, and playfully hang their feet over
The railing, man in the parequet recently had
,hc top of his head crushed in by one Of tie fair
'rcaturcs letting her boots drop upon him.