The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-08-15
VARIETY.

Good Intent is the name ofan Iowa town, and
although il is not very sickly season, we arc
assured that already hell is paved with Good
Intentions
The woman who believes in doing things on
the spur OF the moment, didn't forget the rule
when her ten year old boy put crooked pin in
her chair.
Webster's Dictionary contains over fifty thou
sand words. Jones says that when he came
home late, the other night, in the space Of fifteen
minutes his wife applied them all to him, includ-
ing some extra ones and the ire-shOyel.
The vaIedictorian this year ofa st. Louis SEM
mary is described as
To warn, 70 eomfort ami command
To this IL is added that she wore an elegant
White cOlOred silk, cut court train. Ell pouffe,
caught up with strings Of flowers corsage Of
white satin cut high, extending sleeves IN small
puts Of illusion Tuffed ut neck and set of with
small bouquets Of roses; hair neglige-Yery
becoming
The Dunn county News gets of the following
good thing, which Is worthy place with some
OF Mark Twnin's best Z" We sympathize heartily
with ono Of our exchanges, which is sorry to
learn that German chemist has succeeded in
making a frst-rate brandy out Of saw-dust. We
arc a friend 10 the temperance movement and we
want it to succeed, but what chance will it have
when n man can take rIp-saw and go out and
get drunk with q fence-rail? What is the use Of
n prOhibitOry liquor law If a man Is able to make
brandy smashes out Of the shingles on his roof,
or if he can get the delirium tremens by drinking
the legs OF his kitchen chairs? You may send such
inehriate out Of n gin shop, and keep him away
from tayerns. but If he can become uproarious
on boiled sawdust and desccated window sills,
any effort ut reform must necessarily be failure.
IL will be wise, therefore If temperance societies
will butcher the German chemist before he goes
any further. His receipt ought not to be made
public lie should be stuffed with distilled
board-yards until he perishes with mania
potu-"
A BAFTLED BARBER.-A travelling friend OF the
Obserrer was at Rochester the other day, and be
dropped into a barber-shOp near the Osborn
House to get shaved. After be had been deprived
of the useless hairs upon his face, and por-
ton Of his skin, by garrulOus and clumsy
knight Of the razor, the tOnsorial artist tossed
the ends Of his hair lightly, and the following
dialogue ensued: - Have ?'' Yietim-'' No,
IL was cut last week, and I'm IN hurry"
Artist Cooking at the clOck) )-'' You have plenty
Of time before the train goes East Victim
- I'm not going East - Barber. Oh, then you
are IN no hurry. Had your dmner?'' Victim
(rnther grufly)-'s Yes - Barber (Still toying
with our friends waving IOcks)-s' Which way
are VOu going - Victim West, if | ever get
out Of this shOpi' Barber How far - Victim
-.' Buffalo =" Barber Oh no Buffalo, eh
You can't get your hair cut decently in Buffalo
There - only one good barber there, and he's
drunk half the time. Shall cut 1t? The train
don't leave here for half an hour Victim
(thOroughly enraged) - Look here, you wooden
headed numbseull, and listen. don't want my
hair cut | don't want shampoo | don {
want tonic | don't want bay rum l don't
wurR any more Of your tongue, information, or
impudencei l do want you TO finish this job,
and If You dJn't close your Internal lather-box
and let me out OF this chair Ill saw your thick
head OF with one Of your dull, uutmeg-grating
raz0rs Do vOu understand thatf The aston
ished nuisance comprehended.