Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-01-02
e UNO r.

ALL HANDS BELow.-A good story is
told Of parrot who had always lived on
board of ship, but who escaped at one of
the Southern ports, and took refuge in a
church. Soon afterward the congregation
assembled, and the minister began preach
ing to them in his earnest fashion, saying
there was no virtue in them-that every
one of them would go to an endless perdi-
ton unless they repented. Just as he spoke
the sentence, up spoke the parrot from his
hiding place:
"All hands below!''
To say that s'all hands'' were startled
would be mild way of putting it. The
peculiar voice and unknown source had
much more effect upon them than the par
sons voice ever had. He waited mo-
ment, and then, a shade or two paler, he
repeated the warning.
Cali hands below" again. rang out from
somewhere.
The preacher started from his pulpit and
looked anxiously around, inquiring if any
body had spoken.
''All hands below" was the only reply,
at which the entire panic-stricken congre-
cation got up, and moment afterward
they all bolted for the doors, the preacher
trying his best to get there first, and du-
ring the time the mischievous bird kept up
his yelling:
GAN hands below %
There was one old woman present who
was lame, and could not get out as fast as
the rest, and in short time she was left
entirely alone. Justgas.. she was hobbling
out the parrot flew down, and alighting on
her shoulder, yelled in her ear:
''All hands below!'
''No, no, Mr.. Devil u shrieked the old
lady, ''you don't mean me. / 60 to the
other church across The way
A GOOD ONE.-John tells a story of
Thompson and Rogers, two married bucks,
who, wandering home late one night, stop
ped at what Thompson supposed was his
residence, but which his companion insist
ed was his own house. Thompson rang
the bell Justify, when window was open
ed and lady inquired what was the mat
ter.
MADAM inquired Mr.. T., "isn't this
Mr.. T-T-Thompson's house p
"No," replied the lady, "this is the resi-
dence Of Mr.. Rogers" 5,r
s'Well," exclaimed Thompson, "Mrs.
T-T-Thompson-beg your pardon, Mrs.
Rogers won't you just step down to the
door and pick out Rogers, for Thompson
wants to 60 home.
Some useful lesson or example may be
found in the most simple occurrences
Att the Terre Haute depot, recently, an
old lady attempted to get off while the cars
were in motion. A gentleman standing
at the door prevented her. 'Let her co."
exclaimed kind-hearted passenger; 'if
she gets killed it will be warning to
somebody else.''
A good lady, who on the death Of her
first husband married his brother, has a
portrait of the former hanging in her din
ing-room. One day visitor, noticing the
painting, he asked, her "Is that a
member of the family ?'' "Oh, that's my
poor brother in-aw," was the ingenious
reply.
Said pompous husband, whose wife
had stolen up behind and given him a kiss,
eMadam, consider such an act indecor-
ous.n "Excuse me-" said the wife, 81
didn't know it was YOU"
A Memphis reporter who Photographed
the prevailing weather without even once
abiding to the 'beautiful snow,'' was
promptly elected from the fourth story
window, as unworthy position on first
class journal.
paper called the interior" is publish
cd at Stanford, Kentucky, and CORES
nondent says that from his knowledge of
the editor, he is entitled to state positive
lv that he will throw great deal of spirit
into his Interior.
A minister having preached very long
sermon, as his custom was, some hours af-
ter asked a. gentleman his opinion of it.
NHe replied that twas very good, but it
spoiIt dinner worth two of it,
, Thomas, said a father to his son, don't
let that girl make fool of you. Look
sharp. Remember the adage that love is
blind ooh, that adage won't wash,' said
Tom. Talk about love being blind. Why,
see ten times as much in that girl as you
do
a Chinaman came down one of the main
streets in Millerton, Cal, on election day,
e., n +o If inahriatjnn and of iOyful ex-
altation, and thus delivered himself
.sHoop ia! me all same as Mclean man.
Hair cut short and dunk like hi. Hoop
la!'
A ship is called f'she" because it brings
news from abroad.