Bradford opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1874-1881, 1874-07-11
PITCH WOOD CORNER,
july Z, I6l
EDITOR OF OPINION:

EDITOR OF OPINION:
How often in the life of every one
does an incident, slight in itself, re
call wildly to the mind some event
which happened years before, and
which we believed was forever for
cotton. A lady passing by my
window today pushing tiny car
riage in which reclined a beautiful
baby, brought up plainly before me
an incident which occurred about
three years ago. If the accident
which ! am about to describe had
not taken place |, instead of Jones,
would probably have been the faith.
er of that same baby. And it was
all owing to a drunken tailor that
the aforesaid baby belongs to Jones
and not to me. Having made this
assertion, justice to the large and
usually sober class of individuals
known as tailOrS, or "ninth-part of
men, demands that | should "rise
and EXPLAIN" which l do tllusly:
Some four years ago was clerk
in store at a fair salary, and hav.
ing become tired of living a bachel-
or's life, | determined to marry at
the first favorable opportunity
Looking around me and taking an
inventory of the manageable stock
then in the market. finally fixed
upon Miss Josephine Juliana John.
son as my affinity. Now Josephine
was not as handsome or stylish look
ing as some of my female acquaint-
ances, but she was the only daught.
er of man who had accumulated
a good pile of crooks" in the Glide
and hoof" trade, and thought "A
few thousand of the old gentleman's
boarded treasure would come in
handy to help educate the little
SaXieS which | was sure would re-
suit from a matrimonial alliance be-
tween Miss Josephine and myself.
Beginning carefully and advancing
cautiously. as good hunter will,
50 as not to ''ilush' the game, in
few months had 50 ingratiated
myself into the good graces of the
fair Josephine that | thought it
safe to ask her to become Mrs. Sax
lie.
"A few nights after | had arrived
at the above conclusion there was
to be large party at the house of
one of the wealthiest and most aris-
tocratic citizens of the place. | |
knew that Josephine would be there
and l fixed upon that night to de-
clare my love. In anticipation of
the great event | had ordered a new
suit of clothes of my tailor, with
injunctions to be sure and get them
done by Wednesday evening. At
the time specified | called at the
tailor's shop but it was locked, and
| learned from the green grocer, who
kept the next store, that the tailor
had been on a Irregular tearing old
drunk" for more than week. Here
was a so. My coat and vest would
answer to wear, but my pants were
too much worn and too threadbare
to appear in company with. | went
home Disguised and vOwing ven
geance upon all tailors drunk o,
sober.
| had a friend named Charlie
Mention, in whose advice | had
great confidence, and called at his
room aud poured out my sorrowful
tale. He saw only one way for me
to do, and that was, to wear a pair
of his pants. This would have been
a very good arrangement but unfor-
tunately for me my friend is tall and
thin while | am short and thick,
as he has his pantaloons
made loose around the waist, we de-
termined to see if they couldn't be
made to fit. Having first put on
my thinest pair of drawers, in case {
of accident, | succeeded, with the
help of my friend, in crowding my
self into the pants. But oh ! my, {
wasn't it squeeze though! i'm ;
agine | felt like an Egyptian num-
my enshrouded in three thousand |
yards of Amoskeag sheeting, only | {
lad one advantage over the mum
mics; | could move my arms but t
hey can't. !
Having carefully prepared my {
Oilet | wendell, or rather acaddted, i
ny way to the house where the par. {
y was held, and the first couple {
saw on entering was my dear |
Josephine and Gregory Jones t
neandering lovingly around the
DOM. Now, Jones was my princi- {
'al rival; he had money and | had i
not. Old johnson preferred him to t
ne for d son in-law. Being some
What short Of breath, by reason of
he tightness of my pants, and
'eXed because Jones was with Jose.
'hine, ] dropped with considerable t
Orce into the first vacant seat. l.
AS did so an omnous sound reach |
ii my ear. | felt a loOseness about l.
ny waist which was evidence that t
ONE thing had given away. What L
was | toe we'll knew. mOtioned y
or my friend Charlie. He came e
nd sat beside me. Il
"Charlie," said |, "a tear" =,
"Where ?" said he. !.
"In the chair" said |. =
'That's bad" said he, "w hat are y
on going to do about it?" =,
"DOn't know" said |. r
1t was evident, however, that the !,
My thing for me to do was to get -