Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-06-29
MORAL. =

A tune holds good until an organ
grinder gets hold Of it.
A disgusted Milwaukee fisherman Of
fers chrome to every fish which will
take the bait.
A thirsty man IN Philadelphia swal-
lowed bottle of hair dye. He died.
An Orange county farmer has been
stabling his COW in an ice house to make
her give ice cream.
Il am dyeing for love- said mel
ancholy young man, as he put the coal
black fluid upon his mustache.
If you want to make hustle in the
world take five newspapers and piece
of tape.
A reporter in depicting a wreck at
sea, says that mo less than thirteen un-
fortunates bit the dust
A boy, having heard of sailors heav-
ing up anchors, wanted to know if it
was seasickness that made them do it.
A Dubuque girl received three pounds
of candy and a serenade by starting the
story that she had fallen heir to $40
900.
Don Piatt says truly "Humor is to a
newspaper what a tail is to kite-very
absurd, but very necessary to its ascen-
sion"
A Chicago newspaper has ascertained
that in the opinion of the bootblacks of
that city Strawberries amt nothin' ter
klams, they amt"
1t is said of the temperance crusaders
that ''They drank not, neither do they
sin; yet Solomon in all his glory was
not a rad like one of these.
A Wyoming paper delicately an
nounces that its charge for marriage no.
tices is ''just what the ecstasy of the
bridegroom may prompt
Mother" said Ike Partington, ''did
you know that the iron horse has but
one ear 2" zone ear p merciful gracious
child ! what do you mean p "Why the
engineer, of course p
Few people reflect on the flight O.
time except at long intervals. Washer
women however, always take great IN
terest in the clothes of the week every
Monday morning.
The most trying circumstances unde
which a boy can be, is when anothe
boy in the alley is winking at him, ant
his father offering him a nickle to carr,
in a pile of wood.
When the whole business portion of
Nevada town is reported burned, tel
chances to one the confagration has beel
limited to grog shop and the jail.
When a lady stands at the hymenia
altar with her intended, you may kno'
she is about to draw her beau into
knot.
tbs suggested in an English pape
that smoking be allowed during divin
service, ..as a means of increasing th
attendance at church.
A mother advised her daughter to O
her hair, and tainted fat away whe
that damsel replied, "Oh, no, ma
, spoils the gentlemen's vests.
, A Chicago paper chronicled the ele'
ton of officers of the st. Louis Board {
Trade under the head of "Miscellaneot
Grimes"
eChange cars" is what a city boz
black SAID to countryman the otht
day, when he had finished blacking OF
of his brogans.
!; When some die, all that can be sal
of them is, "they lived in splendid styl
\ were driven in splendid equipages, al
died leaving to their heirs splend
fortune.
A Kentucky farmer says that thr
.. good bulldogs roaming the yard nigh
will do more to keep man honest tn;
all the talking in the world.
"What becomes of dogs when tn,
die ?" was what juvenile in Burlingt'
asked his pa ''They go to the hap
lard of canine" his parent quickly l
piled.
.Sam, what kind of fish in salt wat
weigh de least % "Why, Julius, wh
lg ignoramus questions you ak your bft
?, rem Minims weigh the least, OBJ course
"No, no, sar-dat's wrong, now; it a
as as de porpus-weighs nothing-cos b
&c got no scales.
Of .My dear boy said fond aunt tc
K. very fast-liying nephew, don't y
know that in leading this irregular /
you are shortening your days 2? 81
quite possible that am shortening /
days, but then look how | lengthen !
: nights" was the cool reply.
= While manipulating the windlass o
I well the other night, a party who b
been laying in stock of whiskey bef'
it was all seized by the police, let
handle slip when the bucket was h
way up, and naturally enough receiy
chuck under the chin that knock
;. him over a neighboring fence. IS
in again." he muttered, as he climbed
nn ne his feet, might anode-hic-bet
Ike than to-hic-go foolin' roun so mt
water. Betcher boots I'll stick t WI
Fl