The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1874-07-03

to one another for years-that Deacon
Smith had shot Deac.N. Jones COW be.
cause il had broke through b., fence (;
and that Deacon Jones had called Dea-
con Smiths wife u cross-eyed drome.
dary."
But besides all this, the congregation
would undertake to regulate the fashion
Of the ministers hair. Happy was the
minister who had shapely head. He
spoke fcelingly on this subject-for he
believed that his hair had been the cause
Of his being ousted from the Union Park
church. The very party who had been
the rineleaders Of those proceedings
against him we're the very persons who
had labored with him on the subject Of
his hair. lie soon found that there were
three parties in the church about his
hair. One party insisted on its being
brushed down close; second party in
sisted on its standing on end, and third,
the conservative party, wanted it simply
loosened up Noticing that these three
parties corresponded to the three divis-
ions Of sermon, he soon fell into the
habit of delivering the first head Of a
discourse with his hair brushed down /;
the secnnd he used TO deliver with his
hair standing up, an | the third he deliv-
cred with an attempt to tone il down to
n conservative position.
The Rev. Florence, OF this point, H.
lustrated his remarks by setting his hair
up on bis forehead, and glaring down up
on the audience, who were convulsed
with laughter. lie had learned by bitter
experience, he said, that a tame and
commonplace head Of hair would 60 far
to countcract the deepest learning, per.
feet soundness in the faith, matchless
eloquence, and spotless purity of charac-
ter.
lie next amused his audience by read.
ing some specimen letters Of complaint
which a minister received from members
of his flock. One would sign himself
"Ncritas," and ask him how it was, il
he was destitute Of means because his
congregation had not paid him a cent for
fifteen months. that his wife was able to
buy new shawl. and his daughter to
get her shoes mended. Another. MRS.
Dianah Sharp" would recite some sup
posed peccadillo of his, and tell him
unless he sent her $500 she would ex-
pose him as sure y she was living wo-
man.
Then came n very racy dcscrip ption of
the trials Of minister on tour of pas
toral visitation. Some families would
rather have stroke Of paralysis than
have the minister call on them. At
some houses, the difficulty was to know
whether TO pray or not, the prayers
would be huddled through, aud the min
ister would leave the house rs uncomiort-
able as if he had been drinking sage tea;
while at other houses, If he were To be
cheerful, and talk to depressed matron
in sanguine tone to give her encGur.
agement under some trouble, she would
90 to neighbor's as soon as he had left.
and complain that the pastor had never
once said, Let us pray
Tho piece dc resistance Of the lecture
was, of course, the troubles of the minis.
ter with his deacons. The newly inducted
pastor had no sooner got settled, than his
descons would begin to poster him by
undertaking to prescribe his costume,
regulate his breakfast table. and cri,icise
his domestic affairs, and to rebuke him
for imperfections, which the angels in
glory would not think Of rebuking in
each other. When a man was made a
deacon, he was the whitest-livered, mild
est. hammered, and timdcst creature that
ever drew the breath Of life; he walked
round the church in humble, Apologize
manner, every step seeming to say 81
hope don't intrude. When first ad-
dressed US "Deacon so and So he would
blush like a bride when first called
Mrs and deprecatingly put away the
soft impeachment But deacons, like
federal officeholiers. never resign, and
seldom die. laughter According to
his observation, it took Just one week for
a deacon to reach the conclusion that he
was elected not to serve tables but TO
hamstring the minister; but it took him
about three months more TO get sensibly
under the influence of his oats, aud this
full attainment of the deaconal standard
and spirit manifested itself with all dea.
cons in one and the same overt act-that
is TO say, on the very day when deacon
became thoroughly deaconized, his coun.
tenance became rigid. his eye glared like
a panther's, his fist was tightly clenched,
his voice became loud and firm. and he
started of on brisk run to find his pas
tor; and when he met him he addressed
IN him the fnIlowing no;nt.J aloouant