The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1874-03-20
Grange Secrets F:eveGEeI.
HOW I.,IT1ATIoNs ARE CONDUCTED.

On being brought into the antc-roor Of
:he lodge (Greengrocer Temple. No. 1917
l was told that I had been ballotted for
and accepted. My informant, who was
securely masked by what | afterwards
learned was a large burdoc! leaf, pelfora-
ted with holes for the eyes, told me that
if l valued my life it would be necessary
Tor me to strip. rs I did think it Of
considerable worth to me- and as he itali-
cised his wishes by carelessly playing with
= seVen-shooter, l withdrew from my gar
mcnts with eagerness. by masked friend
then furnished me with the rcgalia Of the
first deggec-Called The Festive Plough
Loy"-which consisted merely of one large
cabbage leaf attached to a waistband Of
potato vines. In this airy costume l was
conducted to the door, where my compan.
ion gave three distinct raps. (Iwas secure
ly blindfolded by binding 4 slice Of ruta-
baga over each eye A sepulchral voice
from within asked ''Who comes -
Ny guide answered-A youthful agIi-
culturist who. desires to become granger.
Sepulchral voice-Iaye you looked him
carefully over
Guide-I have, noble gate-kecper.
5. V.-Do you find any agricultural
marks about his person!
Guide-I do.
S. What are they
Guide-The candidate has carroty hair,
reddish whislzers and a turnup nose.
S. Wis well. Why do you desire to
became granger!
Guide, answering for candidate. THAT
l may thereby the better be enabled to har-
row up the feelings of the rascaIly politi-
Clans
S. F.-You will bring in the candidate.
My worthy STRIPPING, as you cannot see, I
will cause you to feel that you are received
at the door on the three points of pitch
fork, piercing the region of the stomach,
which is to teach you the three great vir-
tues-faith, hope and charity. Faith in
yourself, hope for cheaper farm machinery,
and charity for the lightning-rod pedGler
You will now be harnesscd, and in repre-
sentation Of ,he horse, Pegasus, viii be
tested as to endurance and wind.
The candidate is here attached to n small
imitation plow, by means of a hempen har-
ness. \ dried pumpkin vine is put in his
mouth for a bit and bride. he is made to
get down on all fours, the guide se;zes the
bride, and urged on by a granger armed
with Canada thistle, which :he;yigorously
applies at the terminus of the spine, the
candidate is galloped thee times around
the room. While making the circuit the
members arise and sing:
Get up and dust, you bully boy
Who wouldn't be a granger?
If the thisrle'S prick don't cause Won joy,
To feeling you must be a stranger
After this violent exercise lie is rubbed
dry with corncohs, beeswaxed where this
tied, and brought standing up before the
great chief, the most worshiprul pumpkin
head.
NJ. w. P. H.-Why do you desire to be
granger?
Candidate answering for himself That
may learn to extinguish sewing machine
agents.
NJ W. P. H.-uave your hands been
hardened with toll?
Candidate-Not extensively but, then,
am not running for Office.
NJ. w. p. Hits well, for our lodges
contain several who are supposed to be
ready to sacrifice themselves for the good
of their constituents. Do you feel pretty
smart this evening?
Candidate-Yes, where the hustle goes
on.
NJ. W. P. H.-[savagely)-Give me
chaw of tobacco.
Candidate searches himself thoroughly,
but as there is no place about him to stick
l pocket, tries to explain, but the most
pnmpkin-head interrupts him
with
''Never mind, my dear young friend-I
IN well aware shat in your present condi-
ion you can no more furnish your friends .
with the weed than Adam could be COM (
'ortable in plug hat and tight boots. 1t .
) merely to teach you the great lesson Of .
to others as you'd like TO
rave them do to you. You viii now be
to the most eminent squash
PRODUCER, who Will teach you the grand
FALLING sign OF distress. The sign, my
worthy brother, will insure You against
many OF the ills of agriculturists-ainongs
thers, against drouths and being bit by
erocious grasshoppers.
The candidate is now conducted to the
most eminent squash producer, who thus
ays: "My worthy brother, l Will now
nvest you with the order of the Festive
'loughman, which you have well won by
our heroic achievement while harnessed
may you ever wear it with pleasure TO
ourself, and may it be a means OF terror
0 your enemies.
(The NJ. E. S. P. then proceeds to invest
he candidate with the regalia of the Fes-
i've Ploughman, which consists of long
omato necklace.) The grand hailing sign
f distress is made by gently closing the
eft eye, laying the right forehnger along
ide the nose, and violently wagging the
ars. 1t requires practice, but the advan-
ages are intense. II talso has an important
ignifcation, which you will 90 well to
eed. The closing of the eye signifies that