Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1874-10-16
The Troubles Of Christopher Columbus
MePhersOn.

This was a good boy. He would havo
been an angel to-day but for the deceit OF
this false hearted world. He wasn't one Of
set of triplets, and therefore, didn't have
honorS showered down on him in his early
days, but old women said there was foun-
dation there for an orator, great general,
or philosopher and old men examined
his head and said ii was level.
Nothing particular happened TO Chrsto-
pher Columbus until the eighth year of his
reign. His childhood days were full of
mud-pies, the butt-end of shingles, pare
gorlc, castor oil, and old straw hats with
the front brim worn off. He was deep
thinker and closer observer for a small
boy, and he was just innocent enough to
believe things which other boys pitch out
of the window without a second thought.
When Christopher was going on nine
years old, he heard some one say that a
penny saved was two pence earned"
He therefore, laid big Bungtown away in
a crack under the mop board, and every
day he looked to see it grow two cents. He
had confidence and patience, but at length
they both gave way. Then he got the cent
out one day, Mrs Norton's baby swallow
ed 1t, and that was the end of that Bung-
town. The youthful Christopher didn't
believe in maxims quite as much as be-
fore, but he hadn't cut all his ey teeth yet
When this boy was year older he
heard it said that truth was mighty, and
must prevail" and that boy who always
spoke the truth would surely make great
and good man. He commenced to tell the
truth. One day he got his fathers best
razor out and hacked it on a stone, and
when the old gent came home he asked
who in the blazes done that, Christopher
Columbus spoke up and said:
at was /, father--I notched your old
razor"
"You did, eh9' sneezed the old man,
as he looked up into the peach tree "well,
I'll fix you so you won't never notch
another razor for mer'
And he cut a budding limb and dressed
that boy down until the youth saw stars.
That night Christopher Columbus deter
mined never to tell the truth again unless
by accident, and all through life he stuck
to the resolution.
When the lad was about twelve years
old he read that "honesty is the best pol
ICY" He didn't more than half believe it,
but he thought he'd try. He went to be-
ing honest. One day his mother sent him
to the grocery to buy eggs, and Bill Jones
induced him to squander the change in the
purchase of soda water. When he got
home his mother asked for the little bal
ance, and Christopher explained.
"Spent 1t for soda, eh9" she replied.
Here your poor old mother is working
like a slave, and you are around swilling
down soda water l don't think you'll
| swill any more, L don't. Come over NV
right Knee" And she agitated him in the
| lVelleSt manner. That night as he turned
on his downy straw bed, the boy made up
his mind that honesty didn't pay and he
resolved to cheat the whole world if he
| could.
When Christopher was halfa year older
he came across the injunction "Re kind
to the poor" He did not know whether
il would pay or not, but he set about it.
| he knew of poor woman who sadly need
ed a spring bonnet, and he took over his
mothers along with few other things, in-
Guiding his fathers second pair of boots,
his own Sunday shoes, aud so on. He
went around feeling very big-hearted un-
til the old gent wanted to go to the lodge
one night, and then it came out.
"Gin away my boots, 2" inquired his
father; "lugged your mothers best bon
net of, ehf Well don't think you'll re-
member the poor very much after to-
night r. and ne pounded Christopher Co.
lumbus with a pump handle, and even
then he didn't feel as if he had made
thorough job of it.
They fooled this boy once more. He
heard rich man say that Everybody
should make hay while the sun shone."
So when there came a sunny day the boy
went out, took his fathers scythe down
from the plum tree and went to making
hay. He broke the scythe, cut down the
tulips, and hacked his sister in the heel /;
and his mother came out and led him
round by the hair, and bounced him till
he went into decline. They could not
bamboozle this boy after that. He grew
wicked every day of his life, and before
his eighteenth birthday arrived he was
hung.-Detr0n Free Press.