The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-08-13
ATTENDING CHURCH UN.
DEE DIFFICULTIES,
AND WHAT CAME OF IT.

feshy old widower of this city having,
cient means to purchase a presentable suit
Of clothes, in which he might attend church
and other respectable gatherings, started
out last Sunday orning TO attend the Epis-
copal church. On Lis way he learned that
the yestry Of st. James had ordered repairs
to be made on the church, AMI that in the
meantime services would be held IN one Of
the large rooms of the High School
building. Under the impression that
it was just as devo tional TO attend church in
a fifty thousand dollar school building, as in
a fifty thousand dollar church. he made
the attempt with the following results, %
we understand them:
Having put on his bran new suit. inclul-
ing new pair of fearfuly squeaking boots.
that all might know Of his presence,~he made
his advent at the side door of the large
school room, on the second floor, in the usual
pompous manner of all corpulent individuals
who carry a two foot bGy ,ria1oc in front
As he was only an occasional church -goer.
he imagined that all eyes were upon him,
and, becoming embarrassed, timidly beg
looking around foI cool and comfortable
seat.
Our readers can readily imagine the lool,
of utter desperation ami misery that settled
on his choppy countenance when, to his hor-
ror, he discovered that the seats we're all Of
| those . new tangled patent school-room
seats, with desks to match, Set fourteen in
/ ches apart-from desk to bach--and only
accessible by a graceful s2uattu,g posture. to
be accomplished in an eighseeninch aisle
/ But, apparently, remembering that scrip
| tarol prophecy, aud the relative p-enara-
/ ton that u camel would necessarily have
10 make to get through the eve of a
| needle, be dged along TO the wall near the
door, when low gurgling sound was heard
like that OF large suction pump-which
proved to issue from his mouth in n desner
ate attempt to compress his Gay tcia,F9r, by
/ drawing IN his breath SO that re might
/ squeeze in between the wall and the desk.
| lie succeeded but his face assumed the hor-
rble expression of all those excruciatfpa
pains read of in the history of the Spanish
/ inqulsition. With a ilercuIeqn efDrt lac
slid along for about three and n half feet
when he reached the next aisle, where he
| hoped to get more breathing room but the
corners of the desk on each silc still enIan.
Sered his corpUlency, and he made last
grand rally and gained his feet, in which
position he found relief by the elevation OF
his " bay window above the desks For n
moment he seemingly hesitated as to whcth-
| err he would stand up through the service OF
| make an effort to gain the outer hall through
another door down the aisle. which he finally
accomplished by proceeding carefully side
ways, without any great destruction TO the
congregation seated on either side After
gaining the hall he admits mixing haste
- do,cn and ont Of the tuil ling, wondering
at the folly Of our late School Board in hav
ing schoo!-ro0m seats inaccessible TO grown
up children, though ever so ignorant. How.
| ever, urged on by the vanity, inspired by
the Consciousness of having hi. new harness
on usual to editors and INDECENT profession
al mem, this heroic old widower made ;
straight wake for tie PRESBYTERIAN church
close by, with the consolation that the mere
dividing Of family patronage p among diff
ferent churches was in no way rcpreheuslble
and realizing, as he did, the perils of atten
ding divine service in school house where
patent desks are used. lie walked quietl,
into the Presbyterian church on Eight
street, finding comfortable seats and tht
best Of choir music to Soothe his ponder
Gus breast, which sufficiently ccmpos
ed him TO listen with pleasure to an ear
nest and able sermon delivered by the Rev
Z. b. Stevens, which he also claimed was
more than usually solaeing from the fact Of
his late hair-brealth escape