Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-12-11
II It II 0 e

ing story : A short time ago man went to
his place for work. Mr.. Al set him
to blowing forty-acre field. After he had
plowed faithfully all day, until the sun was
about half an hour high, he expressed his
opinion that it was about time to quit
work. ooh, no." said Mr.. NJ, You
can pillow around six OF eight times as well
as not" So the hired man pl0Wed around
six OF eight times, then Went to the h0use.
took care of his team, MIXED nine cows
ate his supper. and found ten O'Clock
staring him III the face from the old time.
piece. Said the hired man TO Mrs. NJ,
Where is Mr.. M--?" The good wo-
nan answered, He has retired do you
wish 8o sea him ~ He replied that he did.
ketar being conducted to the bedroom he
said, Mr.. Nj. where is the AK 90
Why" sand Mr.. NJ, ''what Go yon
want with the axe ?'' ''Well, said the
hired man, II thought you might like me
to split wood before breakfast is ready"
One Of the students at Davidson Col
lege. who was too lazy to do anything right,
was III the habit of cleaning out his lamp
chimney by running his finger down it and
twisting it around. After he had cleaned
1t out III this particular manner one day
not long ago fellow-studtnt took it and
carried it up to the residence of one of tie
professors with the inquiry, why is it
that this chimney is smoked just up 10
this point and no farther ~ The learned
gentleman entered into an elaborate and
scientific explanation why it was, arguing
.yith great lucidness, and citing various
authorities to show the correctness Of his
reasoning. 'No, sir, you are wrong.'-
why is it then p inquired the professor.
Because the fellows fingers are not long
enough to reach any further,'' replied the
student.
A Yew 7 orker was introduced to Glove
land gentleman the other day, and not
hearing his name distinctly, remarked II
beg your pardon, sir, but l did not catch
your name" ''But my name is very hard
to eatch," replied the gentleman; per
haps it is the hardest name you ever
heard Hardest name ever heard! Ill
bet bottle Of wine ,uy name is Haruer,'
1CPtlCu tiio NCN i o1kSI. All IlSHL5
said the Cleveland man : my name is Stone
--Amasa J. Stoue. >tone Is nard enough,
isn't it, 10 take this bottle Of wine 2'''' pret
ty ilard name,'' exclaimed the New y ok
CT, but my name Is Harder-N oman 81
Harder-and / bet my same Was Harder"
The joke cost MI Stone Just SO 81.
A distinguished clergyman, DR.. HAYES,
used to say that lis style OF preaching WAS
nodded by the criticisms OF DE-. Emmons
on single sermon. Dr- liawes leau IL
paper 20 his tutor eXuberant with rhetoric
JOEL said the Sage, II kept school once.
When [ punished the boys, L always
stripped the leaves off the rod drawing
his imaginary 1od through his fingers
stranger, will you take Il hand with us
at poker ?'' ''Thank you, gentlemen. but
there are seventeen reasons why | can not
accommodate you just now" Seventeen
reasons for not playing cards. Pray, what
are they 20 WHY, the LIST is. 1 haven't
any money" ''ctop that's enough nev-
Ell mind the other SIXTEEN
wrote the editor Of the Star Spangled
Banner" His intelligent compositor set
it up, Party politicians are ignorant"
The editor got mad, but the subscribers
want to promote the compositor 10 the
post OF editor-in -chief for his knowledge OF
The situation.
Smith and Jones were at the menagerie,
and the conversation turned Oh Darwln7a
theory. Look al the monkey. said SlniIh,
think OF it being an undeYetOped human J.
"Human!" SAID Jones contempt lousy
''it's no more human than am.
las you do not belong to my parish"
said Il clergyman to d beg ling sailor with Il
wooden leg, ''you can not expect that /
should relieve you" Sir, " said the sailor,
with noble air, Il lost my Leg lighting for
ri parishes
Those graceful little hanging pockets
worn by the ladies no are just the thing.
Jones said he pi8szed a note out Of one, and
learned that Smith had the start OF him.
which saved him the humiliation OF being
rejected.
Said 3 Detroit lady to small boy whom
she found crying in the street the other
day: will you stop crying if will give
you a penny p Mo said he; ''but if
you'll make it two cents / Ii stop if it kills
me-
The BARRIERS in Syracuse gave ball and
banquet recently; but the n1an'who locked
in at the door and yelled, rs this barbe-
cue 20 was chased eleven blocks before
ti.e, lost sight of him.
A man once called On President Lincoln
He had shaken hands with him, observing:
fDont be scared, Mr.. Lincoln I don't
want an Office ''Is that so 7" asked the
President; 'then give us another slal.e,''
A Louisville newsboy who said ''Thank
you,' to stranger, was rewarded with Il
dollar, and now all the boys say the same
However, if they fail to get the dollar, they
add, ''Y on stingy old cuss, you.''
Boys will be boys. At Alton, Illinois,
preacher asked all Sunday-school scholars
10 stand mp who intended to visit the soul
destroying circus. All but lame girl
stood up.
a railroad train that is run into bv an
o.iier is teleseope man who is run into
\ by wild young OK must be sterposco bed.
A depfaved purster says he will smoke if
kellews to.