, 1874-05-31
HUk!0R.

Dollars and sense do not necessarily tsr,
together. '-'s
-Wby Is marriage Ike fat psring iobi II,
! AN experienced old gentleman savs th,s ~
that is necessary in the enjoyment OF 1o,a :,
sausages is confidence.
The proposition to introduce ladies ss ri.
road conductors is frowned upon in yie1 a. Il.
fact that their trains are always behind.
The Westminster Reriero SAW ;" Va o,o1
heard grocer say he liked the Saturday Rsrx1a
best OF ali newspapers, because page of il hsti
exactly pound Of sugar"
-ADetroit paper, noticing the fact that ANA,
lately dropped dead while combing bis hair, s.ys
tAnd yet there are people Who will parrish "a
this dangerous habit"
They call it q case Of "g1a7e suspicion =
! when they find man in Virginia creek. he11
split open, and the body weighed dow aitb
| rocks.
"A reporter. in depicting wreck Ut sea say,
that mo less than thirteen unfo1tunstes bit the
dust"
There is not much difference between ! Rool
| roadster and farrior: One is EURO horne I'D
the other is horse sboer.
-Impertinent dandy "a strangely )-"ka1 /
have the honor to accompany ycu, Mlas:" Col
young Lady" Certainly; but keep behind, n
your proper place. !! l discharged ny LIST toot.
man for impertinenco."
that " The rcd flames danced in the hsaIens ,l4
flung their fiery arms about like black tapesl
pail until Sam Jones got on the root and dous.d
them out with pail Of water"
Two Mile6ians Hero standing at tbs P11.
mount water-works, watching the big Hhee!3
splashing the water, when ono Of tbeu r.
marked: "Mke, isn't this quzrs county,
oan gn'5s nss ,isy have to grind their water bs''
"A Sacramento 2-year old urchin faao3 Ga
father's lead-pencil sstray On the floor, ard uisd
it until hs broko the point. Shortly attet~.,d
ho addressed his parent: Pa, lend mo Jourtnts
to skin dis penciit"
Mrs. Marrowfat says: "When voman'4
eye begins to look around her in the world, il
lighta with most satisfaction on some otber *o-
nan's bonnet that isn't u expenaisaly trimmed
az her own"
''What are doing there, rou raseal7" "Mere.
IL taking cold, SIR 'sIt looks to me- IS il you
we're stealing leo" well, yes, perhaps It Nil
bear that construction"
-Whon asked by friend At the Fifth A1euus
how she liked her new name, she VAS sh|s to
ut Is SartoriB- factory" and her friends teeIa
calm confidence that After that ahs cannot "a
BeA-sick.-Ne,o York Wortd.
Now that the word ''hymeneal" is 30 con.
monty used in reference to weddings, it i aus.
gested that births be headed "cryaeneal" sce
deaths, "diemeneal"
When Tennessee father walks into rsVs
paper Office with shot gun on his arm, sndss}
u Ny darter has writ solno poetry which lzan;
you to publish" how's feller going to PLEAD
pEess OF matter?
A Connecticut man, Hhoss son wts ID, ~.
pealed to tao physician: "Do bring him ousoi
it right array, doctor; do break up tho fa7e1 =
once, OF e.en il you charge - I'M, much as il 10 's''
f MI afi naf7aStrinn. - Am / On tt4
right road for 6tratfcrd-6hakspes1e's to7a
you know? You've often heud OF s5a1'
speare?" Intelligent British rustic: "Ye'; "a
you he?"
An unreasonable resident OF Rochester r.
fused to pay the gas company's bill for $A 90
he trivial quibble that there we're no gasb11n'
Its in bis house.
"A politician who found it wouldn't do toh7
o please everybody, gave it up, and deelrt.:
Henceforth an = free man, and shall not ~
o please more'n four out OF five. Soma one y
lwavs sure to be offended II I even sosaa
be praise Of my Maker, it raises tho d'nde' a
he Old One"
MY son, you look like boy who h,s hs4n
,rought up by affectionato parents, ... sA!a
indy stranger to golden-haired child, 70 -
attor, In an excited tons, exclaimed: IN II
lust look at my back!''
Servant (returned from An errand)-" Ples.ss
I'm, couldn't got it." Mistress-"Get ThM' ,
They said they didn't keep i, Am a.
distress Keep what7" Servant--"Mhat 70.
hat?" servant-"Dunno, Nm; forget"
-Laconic funeral orsElon by an Ask4nt:s
'oker-p1aYer: Gentlemen, my partner ne'a
illed a man uulees ho thought ho had \ 1easoo
or it, and when he stocked the cards it va dons
d the prestiest way you ever zee: LII snoo' 'a'
aan that says he hasn't gone to he1ren-
"A German IN Ne" Yo'k beng askea a.s1 Nv. Nv"
+,rh r1,r AA Nn1 nr1f
ep1ied: 4'I's not got much: Little more - 's@
arrets. shust for sickness
-Crematory age-"O, ma! ma! Johnny s8vss
be urn and il spiling pas ashesoVer the hoo1
0, what naughty Johnny! Get tue fea;nes
uster, and sweep your poor father nght up:
"A placard in BROOKLYN barber's shoP We na.
ov announces: "Boots biacked inaide.' ba4
,ust not that b. very bad for Tho stockingss
a Philadelphix youth was recently man'es
, = girl who had refused him eighteen sAe
[e wishes now ha hadn't asked her but "eFea'
,en.
-" sanbo, why a1n red-hcaded sal Tx" a.. =.
uestion of the days Gin it up: 'Caee y.
ery auburn! 'G'long, nigga! !"-ses' ~"
Eorld
Tho dull time in spring shopping hss CONS
hen WOMAN feels that she wants to on9 sono te,
ling, but doesn't know what, and stznds oosoj
counter Tor foftY-fiEe minutes st uus -"
urchases nothing.-Spr7nqfieiI Reputs'edH .ho
Fashionable nillfner-" You'll haze Ia'
over on the left side OF the bonnet, Of COURT
adam 2" Fashionable LADY" Wel-ef:a.oo,f
he fact is, there's pillar on tho lets aas. !ase.
: pew in church, 20 that only the ne6t has s"a1sa
) head is seen by the congregation. u euI i'dys
could change my pew!' Fashionable e. ,'1a ,aa
Or evon tho church, ~.
,ov, il necessary" Questionable mlIlne' o'1
dere the point. cFunch- r.,t..
There uas a party given in Dallss, ~ ns+ aoe1
ID this is the waJ ; reporter OF thas P'1eo
to the toilette business: Miss 1-Toles si I'd
,mbazine dress, ruched with point aIpsc11 n
i over.kirt Of roEe g1ngham With bo.a9', bi1p's,7
Lrsley bloHsoms. Her tousnure Has ra1ncu.o =
from th& fact that her hair "ss - -
.liciously scrambled in front. She also '.o-s w..
,. llao doabie-button gloves. 10. 1sr, str,
oes slashed at the heels, and Pom2au01>
cks.7 H..
Yesterday morning boy sauntsfed up ~,
I'd on Eighth Street, wheso noaa ~.
,atchinK tao bosom OF. tho earth With ~ ~
d, leaning On the fence, said: "Aie 3oa - e.
! around the back-ya After avhle
man eaid she tlidnt know maybe she roua
W e. Because" the boy said, II ]nss "a
cistern-Id drop on ths baby's hsad nlaass. NM.
,, md thought Il you went around !ou o'tn ~
!. it on" It is currently reported tna'
nan KfRtzRHrh1afQ4 HQEkshe