, 1874-09-27
HuE0R.

-lou that have coal to shed prepare to shed
i. now.
"A hotel ont West says. generously, of COM
petinG establishment, tlet 1t stands without
arrival
There ts hope for tho young man who cheus
caraway. No matter to What position he nspires,
Ae will suck seed.
An Omaha paper advises the people not
to make such fuss nbout the shooting OF
one Constable, as there are over forty candidates
tor the offlse.
-rhe butcher will be offended we suppose
il ne call base ball a-bas-war, but we'll risk It.
"A confectioner adsertises ''peroxyana
kisees."
Josh Billings says, - Tew euloy good
reputashun, Civ publicly and steal privately"
To make dog add, multiply. Or subtract
tic up one Of his paws. and he will put down
three and carry one.
An Eastern debaang society IS tying, to set-
tie which is the hardest to Eeop, d diary or an
umbrella.
Tho latest Irish fashion is homa-ruls bat.
It has no crown.
What she barber ssid when his vito fell
down-stairs-Eazor.
The Drusscs Conference (bctwcen husband
and wife)-" Shall we Laye new carpet!'
" Lord, what 4 cov T. was the approving re-
marx OF toetotd Judge in Vermont after
swalloTnS poseot punch " ,; ch had been
-4n- Ohio mavi has bean converted to TOM
perance ninoty-eighs times, and Gays he'll go up
to 3 hundred or die
The only thing that it bo.hers grasshop-
per to swallow il q four-lcgSe1 table Awei,-
developed hopper can worry it down, but tie
legs tickle his throat.
A contemporary writes Of an individual who
was too poor to have his boots BACKED aud
.';tr1sted he wps too much Of . gentleman 10
black them himself; )" SO they. went di-ty. y~
"A chap Who spent S1.500 TO graduate from
Harvard il Postmaster in lows at $24 per year.
1le would '.sgap his knowledge of Crock roots
for = hill OF beans it he cculd:
Last year he vas worth 5000, ,03D.- Then he
began to drink whisky and seltzer, and now he's
pauper. Where these raHages OF seltzer are go
4ug TO coase the most p1esclent Of us canpot tau
-Wi.on 4 weu-knovn thief meets q, policeman
and hands hiu1 80, it ia the duty OF the officer to
90 and gt down III EN- alley. and SEQ nothing for
the next hour-uothing but tho S.
-'Weu, Pct, Jim didn't quite Kill you With
taat brirkb2t, did hc:' .@sSo.; bull xlah sha
Lpa.' Why +" 80 that could have aeen
him hing, tho yillaia."
Whom tho Arkansas census-taker next goo.
around he will find Peter Dayton missing from
earth The old mau found pacsase and throw
it On the fire to 500 II it was powder or sand. Il
wasn't sand.
Queer people, those Kaneans. They get rid
OF a,nan wbo borrows d horse IN IA hours time
and yet it takes them over . year to make up
thelr minds how to dispose OF ! man who buys
up Legislature.
The Captain Of an amateur baseball club,
been defeated in match. said: " It's no wonder
you beat us. for tic man who played left tieId
Tor couldn't even read"
The winter style Of hat ;or gentlemen ia
mado with such stiff crown that If he goes
home drunk and il struck on tho head with .
poker he merely thinks he grzzea the hall-lamp
as he was passing.
=" Arsumentum ad Uo1ninen !"--Iorse-
! Dealcc-.. know you don't like his 'ead. md I
allow he amt got q purity 'e.d but ior'-uov
81 t1F.a n4raFaat man III n 4
! rIapd land look at is 'ead .''-Pnuch.
Said Detroit IadY to small Toy whom she
found crying in the street the other day: :. viii
you atop crying if [ will giye you penny 2"
- No." said he - but Il you'll make II cout5
Iii stop il it kills me-"
Wives OF candidates for Sher1ff complain
| that their husbands keep them awake lights
! talking in their sleep and saying, 'WhatW you
take Step up. B. boys .,a Cons Dan, jim. md, Ed,
| some whisky u
-" Just keeping it lighted for another boy n
is the latest juvenile invention When mother
suddenly comes upon her Little bo5 with cigar
! in his mouth.
-Tna :clearaeld fair consisted OF q calf, 3
goose, and pumpkin. It rainod SO hard the
| list night that the goose SWAN OF, the calf
| broke loose aud ate the punpkln, anl thief
prow1ing around stole the calf. aud that ended
the fair.
-: What. you take your motner-in-law out
l.
| Chan,s pictules to another sportsman. Yes, "
| is the reply, with 45-Gun that have pre-
sented her; there is no knowing what may
| happou."
! The late Senator Sumner vas !liscrimina!-
ing man, and precise in his manner Of statement.
III the sale of his personal o1oc:s In Boston, T9a
| was paid for IN old Roman lamp, bearing the in-
scri5,tou, '.T1c good shepherd Eiveth his life fos
| tito Sheep" to which Mr. Sumner Lad added. 4
! all eoiors."
[ u country paper givss the following edyie.
ynur article on The Decline Of Ar:atocracy.'
We have left out several OF our own articles this
week, and yours il worse than any OF them
Tako our advice, and write few very short
| pieces, write only on one side OF the sIteet ::
| write plainly, and then take your pieces and bum
them up in the kitchen stove"
A street-beggar in New York savs the panic
| has ruined him. His collections, hs says. have
dropped to 50 day; but be don't care 80 much
about that but rants have fallen 80 per cent, and
he had two houses and three sto5es empty ever
| G. this reduction
Tie talk shout big-footcd women has be-
come bore. says q Washington paper; bnt II
| NAV be mentioned. as mere matter OF f1ct,
that Georgetown girl scorns to ask = street-car
conductor to stop the thing when she wants to
| pet out She merely strolls back to the plat
form. aud checks progress instantly by grace
fully singing her foot around IN iron. OF the
| hind wheel
! AT a trial in Auburn, n. T., the counsel for
the Government, after severely crosa-exatninlng
| q witness, suddenly put on q 1ooS OF severity,
| and exclaimed " Mr. Witness, Eas not au effort
been made to induce you to tell different
story" ~ different story from what haEe
i told sir p "That's what meant" - Yes. sir,
several people hare tried to get me to do go, but
they couldn't " Now. sir, want you to tell me
,1pon oath.v,,o those petAons we're" Well.
sad the witness,s guess you've tried bout a
| lard az any Of EN-" Z.
A Georgia negro WAS riding mule along and
came to bridge, when the mule stopped. III
be. YOU quarter, said Jack, I'll make you sc
over this BRIDGE with that he struck the nnie
over the head, which made him nod suddenly
| You took do bet. den." eaid the negro, ane
contr1ved to get The stubborn mule over Thy
bridge. II won the quarter anyhow, bait
Jack. "But how will you get the money 2
naked man who had been close By nnpercei7ed
| ..To-mofrow," said Jack, "Mcasa give mo
dollar 10 get corn for the mrle, and 1 take
quarter out
| -afr Abrshams was large dea!erin clothing
3Ir. Simons ixas small dealer, Tlose place q
busiaeas was next door To Nr: Abralam's- II
wss very trying to Mr. Simons when NJ:
wealthy ncishbor hung his awning posts a1c az
crbs5-pecos full Of Goals and pants shading eht
uidoualk md cauplotely hiding hiB modest store