The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-03-24
Uncle TOby's Wig.

the camp of Cupid. He was one Of those
rough and honest spirits, often met with in
his gallant profession, innocent'as an infant
of almost every thing save high integrity
and indomitable bravery. He was nearly
fifty years old, and his tolls were over, when
Master Don Cupid made him acquainted
with Widow Wadman, in whose eyes he
began to detect something that made him
very uneasy. Here was the result
During his service he had never seen any
thing worthy of notice in woman's eye.
In fact he would scarcely have observed
whether woman had three eyes in her
head, or only one; for no matter where
his own eyes were, his thoughts were ever
among "guns, drums and wounds" and
love was a thing that lived in his memory
just as he remembered once reading Wis
ionary story book, called the Arabian
Nights Entertainments" when boy.
Well, the General had settled down into
an amiable, gentlemanly fellow, living
alone, with comfortable wealth around
him, and having little to do, save now and
then to entertain an old comrade in arms,
when companionship afforded opportunity
for him to eight his battles DER again"
But, alas DER this calm evening of the old
Generals day deal of perplexity was
doomed to fall, and he soon found himself
in troubled waters, the depths of which
he could by no means understand. He
floundered about like Gagged rat under
pump, and such another melancholy fish
out of water never before swallowed the
bate, hook and all, of the angling god of
Love.
The poor General We must give him
a name, or we can't tell the story and
the best name for such a story is Uncle
Toby. The poor General debated abstract
edly about his new position, and never had
siege Or campaign given him such perplex-
ity before.
At length, however, the blunt honesty of
his disposition rose uppermost among his
conflicting plans and his course was chosen.
At school he once studied "Othello's De-
fence" to recite at an exhibition, but made
a great failure; and he now reccollected
there was something in the "Defcnce"
very much like what he wanted to say. He
got the book Immediately, found the pas
sage, clapped on his hat with determined
air, and posted off to the Widow Wad-
mans with Shakespeare under his arm.
Madam" said General Uncle Toby,
opening his book at the marked place, with
the solemnity of a special pleader at the
bar" Madam
Rude am in speech,
And little blessed with the phraze of peace /;
For since these arms of mine had seven years.
Pith.
Till now, some nine moons wasted they have
used
Their dearest action in the field
And little of this great world can speak.
More than pertains to fears of broils and battle;
And therefore,"
Here the General closed the book, wiped
his forehead, looked up at the ceiling, and
then said, with spasmodic gasp
" I soGnt to get married"
The widow laughed for ten minutes, by
the watch, before she could utter sylla-
BILE, and then she said, with precious tears
of humor rolling down her good-natured
cheeks
"And who is it you want to marry,
General ?''
Y0u" said Uncle Toby, fourshing his
sword arm in the air, and assuming mil
itary attitude of defiance, as If he expected
an assault from the widow Immediately.
Will you kill me, ifI marry you ?"
said the widow, with merry twinkle in
her eye.
No, madam" replied Uncle Toby, in a
most serious and deprecating tone, as if
TO assure her that such an idea had never
entered his head.
"Well then, think I'll marry YOU"
said the widow.
"Thank you ma'am' said Uncle Toby /;
but one thing am bound to tell you of,
madam aoedr aoi9P
The widow started, remained silent
moment, and then went into longer,
louder, and merrier laugh than she had in
dulged in before at the end of which she
drew her seat nearer the General, gravely
laid her hand on his head, gently lifted
his wig off, and placed it on the table.
General Uncle Toby had never known
fear in hot battle, but he now felt most
decided inclination to run away. The wild
ow laughed again, as though she never
would stop, and the General was about to