The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1874-11-12
Mr.. Biiderback's Hat.

last thing before he went to bed, he re-
membcred most distinctly. 1t wasn't
there now and he didn't know who had
any business to move it. Somebody had
done it, and he hoped to gracious it
would be the last time. Somebody was
always mcddling with his things.
Mrs. Bllderback coming down stairs
with Il wearied air, asked if he had
looked in the closets?
Closets" Mr.. Bilderback, snarled,
= Kingdom Of Ireland! Does any sane
man put his hat in the closets when he
wants it every time he goes out. No.
hung it up right here on this very hook
of this particular rack, and if it had
been left alone it would be there now.
Some of you must have moved it. 1t
hasn't got legs and couldn't get away
alone"
Master Bilderback, suggested that it
wouldn't be very surprising if it felt its
way along fur a little ways, for which
atrocities he was rewarded with wild
glare and vicious cuff from his unap-
preciativc parent. Then Mr.. Bilderback
said; :" Well / suppose can walk down
town bareheaded."
Everybody knew what this meant, and
the family scattered for the regular
morning search. Mrs Bilderback looked
in all the closets with the air Of John
Rogers going to the stake, and then she
went into an old chest that had the furs
and things put away in it, and was only
opened twice year, except when Mr.
Bilderbacks hat was lost, which occurred
on the average three times IA day. She
shook pepper or tine-cut tobacco or cam
phor out OF everything she picked up, and
varied her search by the most extraordi-
nary sneeZes that ever issued from human
throat, while ever and anon she paused
to wipe her weeping eyes and say that
well, she never" Mrs Bilderback's
search for the lost hat never got beyond
that chest. Miss Bilderback confined
her search to the uncut pages of the last
Scnbner, which she carefully cut and
looked into with an eager scrutiny that
finding that hat She never varied her
method of search, save when the ap-
preaching footsteps of her father warned
her that she was swinging on his cratic
eccentric in that direction, when she hid
the magazine, and picking up the
corner of the piano-eover looked
under that article with a sweet air of
Jealous interest, exclaiming in tones of
pretty vcXaton: q wonder where it can
bey" And it was noticeable that this
action and remark, both of which she
never failed TO repeat every time her
father came into the room, had the effect
OF throwing that estimable but irasciblc
Old gentleman into paroxysms of the
most violent passion, each one growing
worse than its predecessors, until thcv
would culminate in a grand burst of
wrath in which he ordered her to quit
looking for his hat. al which She would
retire upstairs with an injured air and
tell her mother, between that inlcfati
gable searcher's sneezes, that zone
might wear ones self out shaving and
looking for his hat in every conceivable
place, and all the thanks one got for il
was to be scolded." Master Bilderback
lie helped hunt too. His system of con-
Quoting search was to go around into
the backyard and play "toss ball" IN
against the end of the house. making
mysterious disappearance, with mar
Vicious CELEBRITY, behind the wood pile or
under large store box. oft as he heard
the mutterings of the tempest that in
variably preceded and announced his
fathers approach.
But Mr.. Bilderback. His was regu-
lar old composite system; it combined
and took in everything He ragged
through the sittingroom like hurri
cane; he looked under every chair in
that room and then upset them all to see
II ne mightn't have overlooked it. Then
ne looked on all the brackets in the par
lor, and behind the window curtains, and
kicked over the ottoman to look for a hat
that he couldn't have squeezed under a
Washtub. And he kept up. a running
commentary all the time, which served !
no purpose except to warn his family |
"lcn he was coming and give them time
10 prepare. He looked into the clock |
ana left IT stopped and standing crooked.
anu he would like to know who touched |
INA. nat. He looked into his daughters
WorK-oox, a sweet little shell that
george" gave her, and he empt;ed it out
on the table and wondered what such
trumpery was for and who in thunder
hid his hat. 1t must be hid VI he Gotta
peering down with dark. susn;c;ous
look into an odor- bottle somewhat larger
than thimble, " for it couldn't have pot
so completely out Of sight by accident y
If people wouldn't NEEDLE with his
things, he howled, for the benefit of Mrs.
whom he heard sneezing as
he went past the stair door, he would |
always know just where to find
them, because, looking gloomily
behind the kitchen wood-box, he al |