The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-02-06

Sl1dil llIltttluu piVN, " hHO'u' VI q
hempen harness. Adried pumpkin vine
is put in his mouth for a bit and bride
HE is made to get down on all fours,
the guide seizes the bride. and urged
on by a Granger armed with a Canada
thistle, which he vigorously applies a,
| the terminus of the spine, the candidate
ia galloped three times around the room.
| While making the circuit the members
arise and sing:
Get M and dust, you bully boy
| Who wouldn't be- u tstngrr2
| If the tbistle's prick don't cause you Joy,
To feeling you must be 4 stranger.
After this violent exercise he is
| rubbed dry with corn cObs, beeswaxed
| where thistled, and brought up standing
| before the Great ChieE-the Most Wor-
shipful Pumpkin-head.)
NJ. ". p. H.-"Why do you desire to
| become a Granger"
Candidate answering for HIMSELF
That l may learn to extinguish sewing
machine agents"
NJ. W. P. H.-"Have your hands been
| hardened with toil?"
Candidate-'.Not extensively, but
| then ! am not running for office"
NJ. W. 2. Hits well, for our
lodges contain several who are supposed
to be ready to sacrifice themselves for
the good OF their constituents. Do you
| feel pretty smart this EVENING""
Candidate-..Yes, where the hustle
goes on"
NJ. W. P. II (savagely-"Give me a
chaw of tobacker."
Candidate searching himselfthorough-
! ", but as there is no place about him to
stick a pocket, tries to explain, but the
Most Worshipful Pumpkin Head inter-
rupts him with
''Never mind, nv dear young friend
! am well aware that in your present
| condition, YOU can No. more furnish your
| friends with the weed. than Adam could
be comfortable in "A plug hat and tight
| boots. 1t is merely to teach you the
| great lesson of economy-dOing to 9th
ers as you'd like to have them do to you.
You will now be conducted to the Most
Eminent Squash Producer, who will
teach you the great hailing sign of Dis
tress. This sign. my worthy brother,
will ensure You against being bit by the
ferocious grasshopper."
The candidate is now conducted to
the Most Eminent Squash Producer,
who thus SAYS: "My worthy brother, l
| will now invest you with the order of
the Festive Ploughboy, which you have
well won by your heroic achievement
while harnessed-may you ever wear ii
with pleasure to yourself and may 1t be
| a means of error to your enemies"
The Great Hailing Sign of Distress
is made by gently closing the lett eye,
LAYING the ioretinger along side the nose.
and violently wagging the ears. 1t
| requires practice. but the advantages
are intense. 1t also has an important
~.igniiication. which you will do well to
heed. The closing of the eye signifies
| that in all your dealings with mankind
| you are bound TO have an eye to busi-
ness. Laying the finger alongside the
| nose is cmblematic of wisdom and places
| YOU nj once among the knowing This
is extremely handy in prognostlcating
| new weather, and saves the Wear and
| tear OF almanacs. Wagging the ears
signifies subiimity of purpose, and Is
| thought mathematical Of childhood's
| happy hours. Ii is also supposed by
some profound scholars to have q dis
tinct reference 10 apple dumpiings, but
this fact is somewhat obscure by the
| dust of ages In token that You are
one of Us, YOU will now be branded.
| This ceremony is very impressive and
| consists of two brands. They are both
| applied while the iron is hot, and rom
| sist of one letter of the alphabet each.
| The first is a large letter $, on which You
| will please sit while the other letter IS
| applied to the stomach. The letter ),
nv worthy chicken, signifies Scooped.
| and refers to railroad mon opolies. 1t Is
| also supposed to indicate the seat OF
learning-thc spot where the old time
teacher hunted for brains with the ierule.
The second letter, {, is applied, AS
| said before. To the stomach. 1t has 4
double meaning. First, the application
is an agricultural one: Corn Crib, and
has reference to the stomach Is being
the great receptacle for Bourbon whisky.
But, brother, do not be diligent in find
inp a home market ior your corn. The
second application of the letter c, my
distracted infant, is got hold of as fol-
lows: When one Granger desires to as
certain ..for sure if there is another OF
the order i'm the room, he raises himself
gently by the slack of the-of his I'M
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS his off thigh
with his near hoof. and remarks in a
voice of thunder: 'Are there any
Granger about" The answer Is "Jeese
wax" The inquirer then says ''let us
see" dieter c., and the other party must
Immediately pull out his stomach and
disclose the brand. These brands are
applied in such a manner that am Gu
abied 10 assure You that they will wash.
This is about all there is inthe ceremony
of any importancc-I must leave the
heelsEthey know l am writing to-ex-
pose them. You may hear from me
again by mail. il should deem it best
to EXPOSE the other degrees-until then
adieu. From your sacred friend,
Is. POLE.
NorE.-This ceremony is used in the
absence of the lady members. Then
-. V.ra hItFnr.