Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1874-04-16
HUMOROUS.

The early birds are catching sore
throats.
!. Aids to tamperance--Crusade and
lemonade.
Why do we speak of the silence of
sleep, when most of us sleep sound?
Why are clergymen like railway
porters? Because they do good deal
of coupling
Tailor, measuring fat customer
Would you hold the end, sir, while ]
go around?'
A school boys's aspiration--I wish
Iwere fountain, that / might be al
ways playing
A South Carolina legislator has in
froduced "a bill to rejuice the bounding
dept Of the Staff
A good d-natured spinster used TO boast
that she always had two good beaux-
they were elbows.
When a man is put in solitary con-
finement, no matter how bad he be-
haves he is never found OUT
Why is the elephant the most saga
clOuS lIdVGl6IS. oOCdQoO liC CNCi
takes his eye off his trunk.
The wave ON which many poor fel-
low has been carried away is the wave
of lace edged cambria handkerchief.
Is it proper to speak of poultry
show as a hen OPERA considering that
the hens attempt nothing but the SIM
plest lays?
The greatest magicians of the age are
the paper-makers; they transform the
baggar's rags inte sheets for editors to
lie on. 1850
Composition by little boy-Subject;
The Horse TIE horse is very use
full animal; it has four legs-one on
each corner
An Ohio lady bases her claim for a
divorce on the ground that her husband
put her to soak in the rain-water bar
rel,
According to Daubury school teach
er, what Washington said on a memor-
able occasion was, sOh, papa, papa, !
cannot prevaricate!'
It has been said thatit is better for a
married than to be unable to laugh be-
cause she is married.
There is prejudice in human kind
against large ears. AS the poet says:
Man wants but little ear below, MOI
wants that little long,
The Danbury philosopher observes
that the placidity of expression worn
by man who is next in full bar
ber-shop cannot be counterfeited.
Dew Haven's sensation on Monday
was a lean, sad-eyed hors hitched in
front of store, bearing huge dry
goods placard. Price reduced to 25
cents
Murder is a very serious thing sir,
said al Arkansas Judge to convicted
prisoner; lit is next to stealing a horse
or mule sir; and l shall send you to
State prison for six years, SIR
You've destroyed my peace of mind, )
said desponding lover to a truant lass
st can't do you much harm, for twas
an amazing small piece you had any
way' was the quick reply.
A Pittsburg woman says that on.
thousand reports souls could dance up
on the point of Il needle. This ques-
fiOn Of the size of angels soul was fire.
quently discussed by the medieval
monks.
"A man shot in his own house, is the
heading which the Western papers
give to the Mcnamara affair. Spilkins
wants to know If this wasn't "a case of
hitting a man right where he lived
In California obituary it is stated
that the deceased was person of ro-
mantle nature. He placed the breech
of his gun in the fire aud looking down
the muzzle, departed hence instantane-
culsy.'
Western dealers in butter grade it as
'wool-grease, cart-grease, soap-grease,
varigated, tesselated ,cow-grease, board
ing-house breakfast, inferior tub. com
mon tub, medium roll, good roll, and
gilt-edged ROLL
Don't prevaricate, SIR thundered
Columbia judge to witness from the
mines. Cant help it, judge answer
ed the miner. Ever since got a kick
from q mule that knocked my teeth
out preyaricate q good deal.'