Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-10-16
Fl y IL O e


profession was the driving Of vehicles, |
being DESTROYS of conciliatng passenger
and eXcusng the stubborness of his quad
ruped, remarked: ''He hass quare ways,
yer amer. What wud We think av a taste
that wud do the likes av this? Wan day
he sWal1ied half soverin, an do all we
could to get him to give up was sivin-an'-
six, all through conthrairiness.'
A Maine paper is publishing list of all
the accidents by drowning during the last
forty or fifty years, and the little boys are
greatly impressed by it, and frequently
read the sad chronicle while waiting for
their hair to dry after they come out Of
the river.
The manager of country theatre, peep
ing through the curtains between the acts,
was surprised by glimpse Of the empty
benches. why, good gracious !" said he,
turning to the prompter, 'where is the
audience ?" HE just stepped out to get
mug of BEER vas the brief reply
A minister approached d mischievous
about twelve years old, and laying his hand
upon his shoulder, thus addressed him
my son, L believe the devil has get hold of
you" 81 believe he has, too,' was the
significant reply of the urchin.
A little Bridgeport shaver who wanted
to be a good boy, was told by his mother to
pray. He said he had prayed, but he didn't
get good. He was told to keep on praying
HBut,'' said he, II dou't want to keep
teasing Him all the time
In Japan the law requires that, when
person cuts down a tree, he shall plant one
in its place. In this way the supply of
wood is kept up. George Washington owes
this country tree
Said a Detroit lady to q small boy whom
she found crying in the street, the other
day evil you stop crying if L give you
a penny ?" ''No," said he; ''but if you'll
make it two cents III stop if it kills me-
A Snowman whose notices call for a few
fat boys to ''feed his cannbals,' received
card from q man saying that he couldn't
spare his boys, but he had good ''stall-fed
mother-in-law' that he though would suit.
e.Of course we couldn't have him
roaming around here and putting on Con-
gressonal airs" says a Nevada paper in
explaining how a horse-thief came 10 his
end
When young lady has to stay at home
from a party on account of a sly on her
eye, it is useless to tell her that Providence
doeth all things for the best.
A Milwaukee papers says "What is |
wanted in Kansas is more telegraph poles, |
OF stronger ones. Tie average pole holds !
only about four horse thieves comfortably"
No man can read about al these bur
glaries without a determination to have |
his wife sleep on the front side of the |
bed.
Lord, what a cow ~ was the approving
remark of a teetota! judge of Vermont
after swallowing a potent punch, which
had been offered to him as glass of milk.
This makes good reading s'The en-
gagement of Capt. -- to Miss IL
is talked of at the Branch'' 1t must be
an interesting topic.
A circus lion is roaming around Weston.
Missouri, and people have a good excuse
for remaining away from prayer-meeting.
A Delaware man lost his wife and a race
horse by the same stroke of lightning, and
he tried for two hours to revive the horse.
One of the meanest things small boy
can do is to put tacks in the chairs when
he knows a young man is to call on his sis
ter that evening.
''Mary Jane, have you given the goldfish
fresh water?" mo, ma 'am. What's the
use; they haven't drunk up what's in there
YETI
Susan B. is cleared by reclamation. Ev-
cry man i'll America held up both hands
and said cob. pshaw!"
An exchange asks: ''Where does the cot
ton go p We know where Bgood deal
goes, but don't like to tell
The pillows in the Duluth hotels are so
large that the travellers can hardly pocket
them.
Home stretch-the stretch across the
maternal knee
Ministers of the interior-the cook and
the DOCTOR
Brigham Young is dangerously ill, aud
his wife feels very bad about it.
A common suer-A lawyer. P. Size
is likely to be drain to his client.
A truly barbarous jester observes that
note-shavers work with raisers of mono V.
Early to bed and early to rise will all lie
in vain if You don't advertise.
There are many who can't read who
know A Bee sees.
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