Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-07-06

A stranded hull-Victoria Wood hull.
A sensitive girl has broken off the
match because he said she had foot
like raisin box.
'The child is father to the man."
'.Hlc," says Gumfoozleum on bust, ''the
shild mus been married YER young"
The ladies and dogs of New York are
on an equality-they both need muslin
during hot weather.
Ben. Butler compares a certain editor
to ''a lying infdelic, swearing. blasphe-
nous. mischief making, sneaking church
vestryman." Hold your horses Ben. !
Woman is like ivy-the more You are
ruined, the closer she clings to you. An
old bachelor adds, ''ivy is like woman
the closer it clings to you the more you
are ruined.
"Dear George said an indianapolis
young woman, 81 am willing to marry
you if we have to live on bread and wa
ter "Well.'' said the enthusiastic
George, "you furnish the bread and I'll
skirmish around and find the water"
The new vest has deep pocket which
completely hides a cigar, SO that che
man who asks you for 'the mate to that
can never bring blush to your face by
discovering it after you have told him,
u haven't another, fellow just gave
me this
Major n, when asked whether he was
seriously in;ared by the explosion of the
boiler Of che St. Leonard steamer, re-
piled that he was so used to being
blcdn up by his wife, that mere steam
n had no effect upon him"
..Pickle" and preserve, in culina-
ry point of view, mean very nearly the
same thing but when Partisan artist
asked an American girl if she ':pickled"
her health, it was very evident that he
had made mistake.
The ranks of that much illuminated
class known as bachelors will be swelled
by the accession of two Kansas ladies,
one of whom has been made Bachelor
of Science and the other Bachelor Of
Arts.
A Kansas boy earned nice bible by
committing three hundred verses to
memory, and then he traded his bible
for shotgun, and accidently shot his
aunt in the leg-a fearful warning to
all aunts.
As an instance of the vilest ingrati-
tude on record we refer to a Newburg
billygoat, who, after having his head
extricated from picket fence, through
which he had thurst it to reach some
tempting grass, turned and butted his
benefactor into the gutter.
Two certain events will always draw a
crowd of ladies to church-weddings
and immersions. 1t tickles woman
nearly to death to see blushing girl
tied fast to painting swain, and it is
no less a pleasure to observe sisters
head religiously ducked.
A wag, with the word ''whoa," brought
horse driven by young man to dead
stop. "That's a fine beast of yours, %
says the wag. "Yes, pretty good sort
of an animal, but he has one fault. He
was once owned by butcher, and is
sure to stop when he hears calf bleat "
Wag don't say whoa" to that horse any
more.
AS a nice old gentleman in Pottstown,
Pa. was calmly smoking his meerschaum,
the other day, he was startled by loud
report, and at the same time found that
the bowl of his pipe was minus. He
did not know what was up until he be.
gan searching his tobacco pouch and
found lot Of pistol cartridges, and as
certained those were what he had been
smoking.
"My own dear hubby" said Mrs
Foozle, to her husband, one morning
lately. He looked at her with frown
81 want you to let me have twenty dol
lars this morning Iam going shopping y
81 shall do nothing of the kind. madame
"Indeed, why not % "What a hard
cheek you must haver' "Why so p
"You called me bear last night ;
"Why, that was right, lovey," she said
archly. "All right. eh p s.To be sure
l called you bear because you are 81
fond of hugging me. See ?" She tap
ped him under the chin to enable him tt
see it in that light, and gradually {
broad grin of satisfaction oyerspread hi
face and he gave her not only twenty
hu+ fiftv doIlarc