The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-05-30
VARIETY.

Az Era USKNowS TO WoxEN.-The middle
ages
Letting of sleep is a little boys definition
for snoring
An Iowa man sued woman for calling him
skunk and the verdict Of the jury was % Not
guilty, but it she was we'd clear her"
PooR.-There is a young man in New York SO
poor that he never walks the streets for fear
Tag-picker should put his hook in him for a chunk
Of rags
Nevada City has recently had so many lecturers,
there that it begins to call itself the '' hub
That's because 'tspOkes" have been driven into
the place until the fellows all tired.
Dear mother may 1 60 out to voter
:. on yes, my dear dear soPhronyi
And vote Maloney ="
~. y. CoBtIasTeial 4dUerfissr.
Abiding to the death of n citizen recently, the
DaytbUry Nelrs remarks: Sc With n single ex-
ceptiOn twenty-three years ago, when he took
few lessons on a violin, his life has been blame
Less
PLEAsANT TO KNOw.-Iti is pleasant to know that
the Texas missionaries have established Sunday
Schools in Black Jack. Lazy Cove, Rat Skin, Coon
Hollow, Wolf Greek. Sleepy Hollow, Bull Mount
ain, Smoky Hollow and Goose Creek.
4 small boy arose at a Sunday-sehOOl concert
and began quite glibly: - \ certain man went
J
fell ~ (here IL memory began 70 fail himJ, and
and fell by the roadside, and the thOrns sprang
up and chOked him"
A learned divine at Burlington said to liquor
dealer there: ssWretched man if the bed of
that river was bank-high with the suds of saliva
ton, and a June rise of piety coming down
from the mountains, there wouldn't be enough to
wash your feet :.
CArGur HIS FoOr-A little boy in n Danbury
family caught his foot in some wOrsted with which
his sister was working the sentence, " God is
Love" in perforated cardboard, and got n crack
on the ear that will lay him up for fortnight
If il does not injure him for life.
WHAT Worm YoU BE?-'. What" exclaimed
the fashionable Fitzwiggle to the exquisite Miss
De La Sparrowgrass-'' what would you be, dear
est If should press the stamp Of love upon those
seaIiug-wax lIps?' 81" responded the fairy
like creature, . should be-statiOnery -
At Dubuque wedding, the Herald says,
among the wedding presents OstentatiOusly dis
pIayed was a one-huudred-dOllar bill, present
from the doting father to his darling daughter
After the guests had separated, the old man coOly
rolled up the bill, put it in his vest pocket, and
that was the end of it.
A guardian of the peace in New York made his
first essly as a mounted Policeman one day
last week. by grasping the horses tail and at
subsequently remarked that no horse ever had a
finer opportunity, or took advantage of 1t with
such infinite scOrn of the consequences.
An Italian jury recently acquitted a prisoner on
n most ingenious plea. y tax collector OF Naples
absconded with public money amounting to S2UO,-
600 He was caught, brought back and tried,
but the Jury acquitted him because the money he
had stolen was the peoples money. and as he was
one OF the people he part owner Of that money,
and Of course 1t would be mOnstrOus to convict a
man of stealing what was his own
Mr.. Hornaby attempted 70 90 down cellar the
other night TO geta pitcher OF cider. His wife warned
him 10 be careful and not break the pitcher. lie
sliuped on the first stair and fell 70 the bottom
skininIng his elbows and knees, bumped his head
broke his nose, tore his coat, and landed on the
celIer floor a total wreck, but saving the pitcher
Mrs HOrnaby called to him in hOrrifed accents
Mr. Hornaby, did you break the pitcher he
growled back: - No, didn't, but by thunder
will And he did.
Josh on EDuORs.-The following is Josh Bill
ings' definition Of editor:
An editor Is n male being whose business Is tC
: navigate a nuze paper. lie writes editorials
y zriuds out poetry, inserts deaths and weddings
4 sorts out manuscripts, keeps waste basket
blows up the 4" devil" steals matter, htes othel
Upeople's battles sells his paper for dollar and
. half a year. takes white beans and apple-sass fol
Ipay when he can get it, raises large family
4 works nineteen hours out Nv every twentJ-four
Knows no Sunday, gets damned by every body
9 and once in a while whipt by some body, live
Door, and dies middIe-aged and often broker
hearted, leaves no money, IL rewarded for life
al ,r;,b q abort but frea obituru puF in the nuzl