Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-08-13
Anmuruns department.
NAMING THE BABY.

Smudge had ransacked various books for a
name, and, as the sixth of the latest edition Of
Smudge was indicative of toll in the ranks OF
men, as the infant looked stropg-almost war.
like-a great name was the quest of its dis
tracted parents. Mrs. S. wanted it named after
some old Bible character. Smudge suggested
Samson Goliah, which would typify strength
Mrs. S. leaned to Moses Samuel, emblemati-
cal Of weakness.
Smudge had declared that he would expose
the child to the measles before it should be
nick-named Nose or Sam. Then he limited
at Jonah but Mrs. S. would listen to no
such monogram. She didn't want her last
child's name connected with a fish story
Already they had named a child Haman,
and she was sure that he would be hanged
some day. Seeing that no Scriptural name
could be agreed upon, she suggested Omega,
reminding Smudge that they had named their
first born Alpha.
"You don't call this one Omega" said
Smudge. "l'll put the name away, and when
we want it I'll let you know. How would
Martin Luther do?"
"I'm Baptist, am, Smudge!" retorted
Mrs. S. colorng. 81 don't want any Luther
an names in this house. For your mother S
sake, allowed one of my children to be
called Jonathan Wesley. She don't poke
any Methodist names on to me again. If
Luther had been Baptist, the name might
do. There's Roger Williams. Roger Will
liams Smudge would sound we'll! He could
writsit r. Williams Smudge, you see."
~"Bnt he will .' cried the parent,
with determination. "Roger Williams was
Baptist, and you know, Mrs. smudge, that
don't lean that way. I'd sooner call him
Tom Paine
Mrs. Smudge shrieked
"Call him Tom Paine, and III kill him
before he's weaned."
"You like Puritans, Mrs. Smudge. Call
him Miles Standish."
"No, sir! don't want my child to grow
up with any such outlandish name. You
called our second boy Plymouth Rock
Smudge, and that name will kill him before
he votes. No more Puritan names"
"You're the confoundedest particular wo-
man l ever saw" retorted Smudge. IF it
had been girl, we would have called her
Cleopatra Octava."
"No, we wouldn't! Our fourth girl now
groans under the name of Olympia Tarpeia
1t will make her be an old maid. Lets com.
promise Smudge. You like strong name
Goliah, for instance-I, Baptist one. Let's
call the baby Roger w. Goliah Smudge"
"Put the Bible name first"
81 won't do itn'
Then we'll call him something else"
"My fathers name was Joshua Gideon"
meekly suggested Mrs. S.
"What do care if it was? None Of my
children shall be called after any of yoar
relatives. That's settled Let US fall back
on a late nanIe-Garbaldi, for insance."
''Or Bonaparte."
(Which one?"
"Napoleon the Third"
"No; l won't have him called Napoleon" !"
"Then you shan't call him Garibaldi," re-
torted Mrs. S., as firmly. "Smudge, you're
the tickiest individual I ever lived with
You won't listen to any thing. I'm reasona-
ble-wlling to listen to anything you pro-
pose."
"Then call the boy Daniel Webster. al
ways admired the old statesman"
"Our family shan't be disgraced by a Wing
name," said Mrs. Smudge. Lafayette is a
great, a good name"
Smudge thought so; he was on the eve of
suggesting the name of the great Frenchman
himself.
! "He must have middle name"
Lafayette Williams !' said Mrs. S.
"rheres your old Baptist name again l
tell you Roger Williams shan't, in any form,
hang to that boys coat-tail."
"Then you shan't call him Lafayette"
And thus the quarreling over the christen-
ing continued for six mortal hours. Finally,
the affair was settled. Smudges twelfth baby
is to face the world with the simple cognomen
of John Smudge.