The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1874-10-08
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

| WHEN you can't think of what your
wife charged you 10 bring home, get
hair-pins. They are always handy in the
house.
CANINE ARITHMETIC.-TO make a dog
add, multiply, or subtract. tie up one of
his paws, and he will put down three and
carry one.
| A CITIZEN of Connecticut. recently intro
duced to a newly-married man, congratu-
lated him warmly, and said, " All, these
Litchfield county girls make clever wives {;
I've had three of EN-"
The MINERS DoRG.-Ye never knOwed
/ that dorg, Jim-a sOrter yaller hound :?
He warn't no slOuch when tightin' war
around! He didn't take long to peel his
\ teeth and make considerable litter! The
way he wrastled, fit and clawed imprOveda
hurtful critter. Now, pretty soon thar
warn't no dOrg about that claim but him,
an though he couldn't curse and drink,
we dotted on him, Jim. But arter that he
! lay and moaned, it bursted me right up.
Says I, "That beast must have muss, or
he's a dog-goned purpw MY pards,
says /, II quit the ranch; GOuge siekens
at the fork :" Yer ought ter heerd my
pardners weep; they dotted on the dOrg.
He had accident, did GOuge. Yer never
knowed him, jim? Sho, feel kinder
chOkin' a thinkin' about him. He seed a
circus elephant hObblin' about, an when
the cuss warn't lookin' he grabbed him by
the snOut. That clumsy critter put his
foot too suddint on the ground, an spread
that dOrg like pumpkin-sass on twelve
square yards around!
JUDGE PITMAN's chimney has been fo1l
for some time and when he mentioned the
fact at the drug store, Mr.. Squills said he
could easily clean it out by exploding lit
tie powder in the fireplace. The idea
seemed to Pitman to be good one, and he
bought almost ten pounds of powder in
order to do the work thoroughly at the
first blast The men were busy graveling
his roof that day, and Just as the Judge
was about TO touch off the charge a work
man named Snyder leaned over the top OF
the chimney to call to the man below to
send up more tar. Then the Judge lit the
slow match. The view which met the eye
of Mr.. Snyder as he went up was a fine
one, embracing as it did Cape May and
Omaha, and COnstantinOple and Baltimore
and the Sandwich Islands, and when he
got enough of drinking in the scenery he
came down in the river apparently with
the intention of exploring the bottom.
When he was fished out he was glad to
learn not only that the Judges chimney
was thoroughly clean, but that il would
need about four cart loads of bricks to re-
pair damages. After this the Judge will
clean his flues with a brush fastened to
clothes prop.-Mar Adeter.
SAGACIOUs MULEs.-The Virginia New
Enterprise tells this: A gentleman who
is too modest to allow us to use his name,
furnishes us the following instance of a sa-
gacity which he yesterday saw displayed
by pair of mules-thOse curious spotted
fellows belonging to Hank Blanchard.
Hank and John Pagan were seated in
buggy behind the mules, driving along
South G. street, near the Divide. Suddenly
the animals halted. Whipping and coax
ing were alike in vain; they would not
move. What to make of this Hank didn't
| know, as the mules had never before so
conducted themselves. Seeing that the
animals constantly turned their heads in
ene direction, Pagan began to look that
way to see what it was that so strongly at
| tracted their attention. In moment ne
| dropped on it. 1t. was a shingle which
read, Hay S23 per tOn," the regular re-
| tail price being S25. The mules observed
/ this, and could not be moved beyond 1t
until Hank got out of the buggy, went
/ into the place, and came back, pretending
JildJ ne lldu OTutTtu ten lollS VI Ollt tl NiCit
at the reduced rates. They then trotted
off perfectly content.
| A CORRESPONDENT of a Californian con-
| temporary writes: "The following rath-
er tough bear story was told in my hear
ing by an old settlerin Russian River Val
ley. / give it as | got it. \ on talk about
bears Why, when | first came to Roo
shan River bears was plentier than cattle
is now. and they was little bit the smart
est bears that or anybody else ever seed.
Why, do you know, there was a neighbOr
of mine had a fine field of corn, and he
also had a fine lot of hogs. In the fall,
when the corn began to get ripe, the bears
would come into the field and make awful
work among the corn; they were jest lit
er'ly cleanin' it out, and the hogs was a.
disappearin' too, and the old fellow could
MT find where the bears had killed any of
the hogs, and he was clean beat out. At
last, when all of his hogs and good deal
of his corn had disappeared, he thought it
was about time to investigate. SO he start
ed out. After huntin' around for some
time he found a trail leadin' of in the di-
rectiOn of patch of timber about three
miles away. He followed the trail, and
when he got to the timber he discovered
his hogs nicely inclOsed in pen, and the
bears was a-packin' the corn out there. and
feedin' it to the hogs, fattenin' them for
their own eatin' for their winter meat!'