Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-01-07
MARK TWAIN ON WOMEN.

MARK TWAIN ON WOMEN.
A Characteristic Mixture Of DrOIlery
and PathOs.
From the Cosmopolitan, London.
On the 209th anniversary of st. An
drew's day, an Monday evening last,
at the banquet given III Freemason's
Hall, Mark Twain, who responded for
the ladies'" made the speech Of the
evening. We can give his words, but
not the infinite drollery Of his utter
ances. He said : q am proud, in
deed, of the distinction of being chosen
to respond to this especial toast to the
ladies, or to women, if you please, for
that is the preferable term, perhaps
it is certainly the older, and therefore
the more entitled to reverence. Laugh
teri [ have noticed that the Bible,
with that plain, blunt honesty which
is such a conspicuous characteristic
of the Scriptures, is always particular
to never refer to even the illus
trious mother of all mankind herself as
"lady," but speaks of her as wo-
man. Laughter. It is odd, but you
will find it so. am peculiarly proud
of this honor, because think that the
toast.to w oman is one which, by right
and by every rule OF gallantry, should
take precedence of all others---of the
arlny, of the navy, Of even royalty it.
self, perhaps, though the latter is not
necessary in this day and in this land,
for the reason that, tacitly, you do
I hroo1 oo,,aro1 hoo1+b oil
good women when you drink the
health of the Queen of England and
the Princess of Wales. Loud cheers. ]
I have in mind poem just now, which
is familiar to you all, familiar to every
body. And what an inspiration that
was (and how instantly the present
toast recalls the verses to our mind)
when the most noble, the most gra-
cious, the purest and sweetest of all
poets say:
"Woman! Q voman-er-
Won"
laughter however,, you remember
the lines; and you remember how
feelingly, how dalntily, how almost i'm
perceptibly the verses rise up before
you, feature by feature, the ideal of a
true and perfect woman; and how, as
you contemplate the finished marvel,
your homage grows into worship OF the
intellect that could create so fair a
thing out of mere breath, mere words {!
And you call to mind now as I speak
how the poet, with stern fidelity to
the history of all humanity, delivers
this beautiful child of his heart and
brain over to the trials and sorrows
10 Ill l,4,o
that abide in the earth and how the
pathetic story eliminates in that apos
trophe-so wild, so regretful, so full of
mournful retrospection. The lines run
thus:
Alas !-alas !-a--alas!
Alas - ---alas!
and so on. Laughter I do not
recollect the rest but taken altogeth-
er, it seems to me that that poem is
the noblest tribute to woman that hui
man genius has ever brought forth
laughter and [ feel that if were to
talk hours l could not do my great
theme completer or more graceful JUS
tice than [ have now done in simply
quoting that poets matchless words.
Renewed laughter. The phases of
the womanly nature are infinite IN
their variety. Take any type of wo-
man and you shall find in it something
to respect. something to admire, some
thing to love. And you shall find the
whole joining you heart and hand.
!. Who was more patriotic than Joan OF
Arc? Who was Drawer? Who has
given us a grander instance of self-sac-
rifcing devotion2 Alb, you remember,
you remember we'll, what a throb of
pain, what a great tidal wave
Of grief swept over US all
when Joan OF Arc fell at Waterloo !!
Much laughter. Who does not sor-
row for the loss of Sappho, the sweet
singer of Israel. Laughter. Who
among us does not miss the gentle
ministrations, the softening influences,
the humble piety Of Lucretia Borgia
Laughter. Who can join in the
heartless libel that says woman is ex-
travagant in dress, when he can look
back and call to mind our simple and
lowly mother Eve arrayed in her modi-
fcation Of the Highland costume
Roars of laughter. Sir, women have
been soldiers, women have been paint
ers, women have been poets. AS long
: as language lives the name of Cleopa-
ira will 1--we. And, not because She
conquered George III.-[laughter] +
but because she wrote those divine
lines: 1855
''Let dogs delight to bark and bite,
For God hath made them So"
| More laughter. The story of the
world is adorned with the names of
illustrious ones of our own sex-some
of them sous of st. Andrew, too
Scott, Bruce, Burns, the warrior Wal
lace, Ben. Nevis laughter the gift.
ed Ben. Lomond, and the great new
Scotc imam, Ben. Disraeli. Great
Laughter Out of the great plains of
history tower whole mountain ranges
of sublime women-the queen of Sheba,
Josephine, Semiramis, Sairey Camp,
the list is endless laughter but I
will not call the roll, the names rise
up in your own memories at the mere
suggestion, luminous with the glory of
deeds that cannot die, hallowed
by the loving Worship of the
good and the true of all epcchs
81 I'll sc