Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-01-07
Humorous.

THF MAN WITH THE MEMoRANDUM.-
A gentleman who resides few miles in
the country announced his intention of
going to the city to get few of the
necessaries of life. His good wife, who
evidently reads the papers and knows
what is going on, furnished her ''old
man" with the following memorandum,
recognizing the fact that '.these men
are SO stupid" and always forget what
they are sent after. But here is the
seasonable list of necessaries, which,
though not in strictly clerkly form, is
nevertheless to the point, and well cal
culated to make an impression on the
mind: "Get pound of tea. And don't
forget to go to Browns drug store and
get eight pound of copperas and pint
of carbolic acid. Get a dollars worth
of loaf sugar. Bring dozen lemons.
If you have a chance, you had better
bring bushel of lime. We ought to
have q pound of ground mustard and
some ginger. Get gallon of coal oil
and demijohn of whiskey. Be particu-
lar and don't get them mixed-have the
coal oil pu. into the can and the whiskey
in the demiiohn. Ii You see nice
piece of calico, you might bring me
enough for a wrapper. Go to OrynskI's
and get bottle of his blackberry syrup. |
The -four is ont. Be careful and don't
drink any well water while in town. Be
sure and get bottle OF Hamlin's cholera |
cure. We ought to have half dozen
knives and forks for the kitchen. Go
to McCleary's and get bottle OF DR.. |
McCabe's blackberry brandy. Don't |
bring anything green home to make the |
children sick. Don't forget the coal
oil and the demijohn, and be sure to
keep them separate. Go to Cheever's |
and get bottle of syrup of blackberry |
and ginger. Get q pint of cognac |
brandy. Keep away from them nasty |
ponds unless they are filed up. If you
see any good disinfectant bring some
home. Get few pounds of crackers
and rice, and some oatmeal. Ii you see
the doctor ask him to give you pre-
scription to cure the cholera. Be care
full and don't break the .demIOhn.
Johnny needs a pair of shoes. 1ou had
better call at the drug stores and see
who has got the best cholera medicine.
Now don't forget any of these things,
and keep the list in yorr hat where Jon
can find it. Come home early" About
four o'clock yesterday afternoon the
man with the memorandum might have
been seen going out Broadway with all
his horse could draw, his rockaway
resembling the hospital supply train OF
an army corps. II the cholera ever goes
out IN that direction it will meet with
warm reception.
A YOUNG couple were sitting together
in romantic spot, with birds and
flowers about them, when the following
dialogue ensued:
my dear, if the sacrifice of my life
would please thee, most gladly would L
lay it at thy feet"
"Oh, sir, you are too kind! But it
Just reminds me that wish you'd leave
off using tobacco"
Cant think of it. It's habit to
which l am welded"
"Very well, sir; since this is the way
YOU lay down your life for me, and as
you are already welded to tobacco, III
take good care you are never welded
to me, as it would be bigamy."
| A PRINTER in Glasgow was sadly
bothered with an apprentice who could
not, or would not, be initiated into that
portion of grammar which treats of the
proper disposition of letters in words.
One day he presented such shockingly
inaccurate proof as made his master,
after starting with amaZement, take the
spectacles from off his nose, and give
the i'll disposed devil the following
recipe:
"My man, Just gang hame the night,
and tell your mither to boil Fulton *
Knights Dictionary in milk, and take
it for your supper, as that seems the
only way you'll ever get spelling put
into ye.
A sCHooLMAsTER delivered an address
to his scholars, of which the following
passage is an example: "You boys
ought to be kind to your little sister.
1 once knew a bad boy who struck his
little sister a blow over the eye.
Although she didn't fade and die in the
early Summer time, when the June roses
were blowing, with the sweet words of
forgiveness on her pallid lips, she rose
up and hit him over the head with
rolling pin, so that he couldn't go to
school for more than q month, on ac-
count of not being able to put his hat
on"
A NORFOLK farmer, not accustomed
to literary composition or lester-writing,
having lost new hat at a country meet
ing, and inquired into its having possibly
been taken by mistake, addressed the
following note to its supposed posses
sOr:
"Mr. 4. presents his compliments to
Mr.. E. have got hat which is not
his; If he have got hat which is not
yours, no doubt they are the missing
one"
THEY had wedding-p party at New
Haven the other night; the seats were
fewer than the guests. So one cunning
young man took it into his head to take
seat in a child's rocking-chair. 1t
was trife too small, but he wedged
himself into it. Getting in and getting
out we're two different feats. 1t took
two men to the chair, and two to the
man to get them apart. 1t made lots of
fun.
AVERY young Emily recently received
this letter from her favored admirer:
'Deer emily: can't meet yu too Day
have just bin whipped and put in
Bed. 1 am Ritin This under the Bed
Close and will seud it by John the fut-
man. So no Lrore at Present from yures
till deth. JoNSY."
A BARBER in London, to attract GUS
tom, had on his sign a picture of Absa-
lom suspended by his hair from the
boughs of the oak, and underneath these
lines: o Absalom, my son. my son, had
You but worn a peri-wig, you'd never
been undone
WHAT is that, children? asked
young pastor. exhibiting TO his Sunday
school magic lantern picture of poor
sinner clinging to cross towering out
Of stormy waves in mid ocean. Robin
son Crusoel was the instant reply.