South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-10-23
WIT AND HUMOR
Although woman's sge is undeniably her
own, she does not own il;

"A four-year-old boy, on being reproyed by
bis mother for taking younger brother down
steep embankment to pond, and asked what he
would have done IL the smaller one had fallen
and rolled into the pond comforted her by re-
plying, "oh, pshaw you needn't be afraid, I
can run faster than he can roll"
WANTED PAY FOR His OATs.-An amusing in
cident occurred at the rock creek camp meeting.
young fellow from Wicomica county, who has
not quite finished spreading his wild oats, took
on board a little too much teddy one night In
fact he got drunk, so drunk that he was not We
ny fastidious in the choice Of a sleeping place
Accordingly he took lodgings in stall in the
horse pound. Upon awakening the next morn
ing he found himself battered, and the proprietor
Of the place standing ovet him and demandiae
pay for feed of oats
81 don; owe you for oats, said young VIZ
comica, I'm not a horse"
mo matter said the proprietor 1--WE charge
as much for an ass as we 10 for a horse"
In giving geography Lessons down East,
teacher asked boy what State he lived in, and
was amused at the reply, drawled through the
boys nose, "a state of sin and misery"
A county treasurer in Alabama can't retd
or write, but he has put 81, 600 where no one bu,
himself can find it. This shows that n collegiate
education isn't essential to the requirement OF
wealth.
we thought that everything that it was pos
sble to say about ''hash" had been said, but
here is another contribution: A certain hostess
whose table is noted for it's uniformity Of dishes
has brisk daughter who electrGes her ma
boarders with the following parody suug to an
accompaniment on h,ty-doNar piano -
While beefsteak aud veRison costs lots of cash
be il ever so grisly, there's nothing like hash
the scrapings and leavings Of no use elsewhere
when mixed altogether make excellent fare
HASH hash, good meat hash BE it ever SO girls
ly, there's nothing like hash "A stranger from
home, hotels dazzle in vain-O, give me cheap
eating house food that $ more plain-the waiter
who gayly re-echoes my call for a nice plate Of
hash or single fshball Hash, hash, etc.
In certain family pair Of twins made
their appearance, aud were shown TO their little
sister of four years. 1t happened that Whenever
rather prolific cat Of the household had kittens.
the prettest were saved, and the rest drowned
When the twins were shown the child by their
happy father, she looked at them earnestly, and
at length, putting her little fingers tip on the
cheek Of one Of them looked up, and said, with
all the seriousness possible "Pape, think we
save this one"
Tho Arkansas S'atCsman, Of Jacksonport, IN
plain prose nad threatening verse thus urges
delinquents to pay up eve have several hun
dfed dollars due US for subscriptions, aud we
want it, We are out of meat money and other
things. We are out at the elbow We are cut
Of patience, and seriously contemplate running
our face for about two hundred postal cards with
which to remind those who owe us Pay up.
ITO avoid proceedings unpleasant
We wish you would pay what is due
lfyOu do, you'll ob!ige us at present,
you don't then we oLlige you"
'Persisteully your.."
A New Hampshire man, while dining the
other day, got piece of tlpe in his throat and
Choked TO death. Another argument against
neat-eating. If he had kept 10 lDush and milk,
he would not have choktd to deeth At leas,
not with tripe.
The 7Joy Times tell this for a fact "A !uii-
crous scene witnessed on q Rensselaer, and
Saratoga train the other day. \ newly MARI ed
couple entered the car aud took a seat The hus-
band, wanting to smoke left his wife and went
into the smokng-car. The bride began to doze,
and while she slept II stranger entered the car,
and, as it was crowded. quietly took "A seat be-
side the young wife. Shortly she began TO nod,
and, doubtless imagining that her husband was
still IN the seat, gently rec.incd toward the stran-
ger, and soon her head fondly nestled on his
breast At this juncture the husband returned
He stood in mute astou.shment in the aisle until
The lady awokc md, realizing the situation
drew back in nmazement 5uiIused with bushes.
stranger explained husband was satisfied, and
wife uied hard to appear uuconccrned"
"A little girl in Boston only FIVE years old
said to her mother the other day. whca she pro-
posed reading to her the last number Of the Nir.
SsJy NO mamma don read me that child
ish stuff. Read me about the Beecher case
Lots wife probably wouldn't have looked
task, but woman with a new dress is supposed
90 have passed her and She waited 70 sec If the
Jack breadth vas RULED
-Four doctors tackled Johnny Smith,
They blisercd and they bcd mm
With squiIls and auti.bilou5 pills
And ipecac they fed him.
They stirred him up with ca,omel.
And tried 10 move bis liver.
But all in vain his lii1p sou1