, 1874-09-13
iiua1uR.

Dung 1or tho deaf Como H1cE to Erin
Tho King OF Dohoncy has necklace com
posed OF 25o human ears, and that ear necklace
is his 6 reat pride.
-Teachcr-'' Peter, vou are s,,ch bad tov
that you are not fit to sit in the company Of good
boys on the bonch. Come up here aud s1 by
| me, sir"
Don't try to bo too smart L man (l.teIy
deccasedD in Canilns, n. T., put sccond cart
ridgo INTO LIS cannon before the first had e1-
] Plodcd-
| Il Pennsylvania baby is said to Layo inhcr-
! lied the eyes and nose Of his father, bat the
| check OF his uncle. who is CIT insurance agent
Small, ragged. barafooted boy to gallus
colored gent With 4 valise-"say, bosB. shall /
carrv your satehcl for you!" Co!ored gent to
quarter Tor caIz3in dis down myself" 'A y
-A little boy, selling 4 basket OF crab apples
Yesterday, said bis ma told him to ask IS cents
for them, ''bnt," ho aided, they amt vuth
IL Is the candidate fos Sheriff here - asked
stranger as he locked into Illinois bar-roo1n
''ies why = a;..Sercd eighteen mon as they
rose up.
a raah -ofuEai-C Customer (t1ying from i'm
Fortunate tradesma.4E No, thank you, nothing
more, rcaiIyt Not another article, thank you
Good morning." Escapes-ha! Ia refusing
his own umbrella !l-Pu,.ch.
"A real-estato owner. having let all OF hiz
was hislast. Yea last, but not leased" uas
his reply.
"A Western Postmaster writes to the Post
massc1-Geuernl that '' Hill will be full OF couu-
try Postmaaters before long if they DO not get
more pay than is allowed this Office
When q little boy. who was watching black
smith shoe his fathers horse. saw tie workman
begin to pare tho horses hoof. he exclaimed:
'M5 pa don't want his horHe nnade any smaler!"
Indianapolis has the champion kind hearted
man. He cut down his plum-tree. loaded down
With fr11it, because he feared that his neighbo1s
children might get hold Of tha green fruit and
be made aick.
- What's tho nattor with Jou my pet -
20, aunty! l just went to touch little chick
ex,, and the old hcn growlsd at ma and bit me-
with her nosci'
When yon sea man'so partickler," says
Mrs. M2rrowfat las never to take glass Of
water without looking through it for inacts, don't
trust h'm-hos OH his way to drunka:d's
grave
Detroit boys do not pay IA stitch in timo
caves nine, but yell out: "Hcre nam, il ye
don't yank this old re.lt together pretty soon the
hola will be all over nE clothes"
"A rich but parsimonious old gentleman. on
being taken to task for his Observation-Disclosures,
said, True, don't give much. but ii you only
knew how it hurts when I give anything, you
wouldn't wondar.n
4 Brooklyn girl who has been reading sona-
body'a ''Btate1nent.' went mo . goods atcre
the other day and aakod for gard Ut ''impuro
lace."
lit is often interesting to trace tho origin q
curious expressions. Now, in the recent letters
from Iceland, We see at once whence came the
lately poGu!ar slang phrase: ''How does tho IL
thin. work ?"
An amiab1e citizen of Burlington called to
SEQ another, who WAS dangerously ILL., Attracted
by fossayc pair Of boots i'll the room of tho in
valid, the visitor tried them on. when, turuipg 10
The sick man with much sympathy, he remarked:
- supposlug the worst to Happen, I'll take thes=
boots."
Brief colloqu7 in Texas between tourist aud
! native: My frend, why is it crerybody i'll
This country thinks it necessary to carry one or
:wo revolverB" Well, stranger" said ths
Texan, s'you mouglt traycI around here gooi
one time and not want 8 weppon, bu. yAea you
10 want pistol in this country you want it like
Iii"
a soldier Of cavalry regiment WAS brought
lp for stealing his comrades ll4uoc ration. Ha
ra8 Ill lrlshnlAu, and his defense waH unique:
: Id be sorry iudade. SUR. to bo called q thafe-
put tue liquor in tho samo bottle, and mlnu
vas at the bottom, and sure I WAS obliged to
rink hlB to gat at me own"
"A countrrman stepped into young WhitlocA'a
[rug- -store-who, by the way, keeps d mi6cel-
sncoua assortment OF boo18. among them Hugo's
: '93"-:snd said conlidcutiaiiy, II want to fool
he old woman; ehe's bin kinder heyen the ager,
nd wants something to warm her mp, but sho
,ou's take nothiu' but number si1, and tnat
un't faze her. see by the papers that you
ave got some 93: I want dimes worth. and
tbs. dont fetch her sl:a's gonc." 1HryTe Hau:e
;c{ress-
a story is told concerning storm on 1.eka
.rie, when ono of tue passengers VAS hemoan-
X the critical state in which the ressf4 srd ffs
asEengess were then placed, and asked s:.end
the Captain did not think the vessel wes 10
rcat peril Tho reply rss that he thought
hey would get through al right il thaF could
eep out in deep water. "Why," said the terri
ai nne ..ea1.'t yn drown iuBE as we'll 10 deat
:atcr as in shallow :" YEA" was tho reply,
but then you know II we keep IN deep water
7hen the vessel rolls over tho masts wont st.el
..t in the mud On the bottom and hold u