The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1874-09-17
Trials and Adventures of a Candidate.

The Fayetteville (Tenn.) Eapress thus de-
scribes the adventures of 7. Napoleon Stubbs
in search of an Office:
T. Napoleon Stubbs, of Lincoln County, was
brisk and industrious candidate in the late
election. He entered the canvass smiling,
buoyant and sanguinc-he came out of it will
ted, wretched and wrathy. A few days after
his announcement appeared, he was accosted
with many ominous winks and signs by all
intimate friend, who drew him hastily behind
house and whispered in his ear, "Stubbs, old
fellow, they've got out a terrible report about
you in the - district. They say that in
the year 1888 you swinded poor widow with
thirteen helpless children out of three pecks of
onions and a large quantity of ginseng, and
when her eldest son demonstrated, and asked
you for ten cents to buy set of marbles, you
threw him down two flights of stairs, broke
his neck in two places, and then refused to pay
very reasonable bill for planting vioets on
his:grave." The Mortified Stubbs, who had
never swindled widow of any kind, nor bro
ken anvhSdyy's neck in the whole course of his
life, Indignantly denied this scandalous report;
but his friend appeared credulous and uneasy,
and advised him to go at once to the disaffected
district and straighten up matters. "Put on
bold face, Stubbs, and if the thing is true,
swear out of it like little man." was his part
ing admonition, and the maddened candidate,
mounting his horse went off at gallop to the
neighborhood where the slander riginated.
Arriving there he was met on all sides with
grum looks and suspicious whispers; but by
dint of earnest remonstrances and indignant
denials, backed up by transcript from the
Family Bible, which showed conclusively that
he lacked two years of being born at the time
the dreadful event was said to have transpired,
Stubbs succeeded to great extent in silencing
the tongues of the gossips, and was even so
fortunate as to induce one charitable fellow to
declare that "widows wasn't worth fighting
over, no howW Returning home, cousidera
bly, relieved, he was met in the middle of the
road by another professed friend, who hastened
to tell him of malicious report that was being
actively circulated in his section. This time
they had it that Stubbs was pluming himself
on the Napoleon" part of his name-that he
thought some people would be likely to con-
found him with the famous Corsican, and think
he was a great military chieftain, when the
truth of the business was that he run an am
bulance during the late war, and earned liv-
ing by rifing the pockets of the wounded, and
charging helpless hospital patients exorbitant
passenger fare.
After this Napoleon Stubs had no peace.
nuIllUI CLtlSCu ulill Will CNClJ VI IlIC III IllC
calendar, and made him monster of the most
frightful description. He had swndled his
brother, insulted his mother, tortured his chill
dren, murdered three men, committed any
number of burglaries, bulled preacher, over
thrown a Sunday School, and committed so
many violent crimes and misdemeanors that
it was thought advisable to classify his offences,
accumulate proofs of his wickcdness, and pros
ecute him steadily for two or three years In
only one instance did Dame Rumor show any
disposition to do him favor, and that was
when she declared that he had backcd the eye
of his mother-in-law. Poor Stubs was frantic.
He raced from district to district denying ru-
mors, giving the lie to charges preferred against
him, and exhibiting formidable array Of GER
tifcates and afidavits in his favor; but all to
no purpose. People wouldn't be convinced,
and the poor fellow barely managed to keep on
his feet until the day of the election, when he
was defeated by a large majority, and COM
pletely crushed both in body and mind. Even
the consolatory assurances, now pouring in
upon him from all parts Of the country, that
the vile charges preferred against him have
turned out to be utterly false and malicious,
are powerless to heal his lacerated spirit, and
he mournfully declares that nothing will ever
induce him to become candidate again.