Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-10-08
Varieties Of All Kinds.

| ntN. WI. w dfntE IClt tOWu
week for n religious tour.
Why is croquet the saddest Of
games ? Because it is for lawn.
1t is a German who boasts that no
American. Irishman or Englishman
can sell lager and make it pay.
Apples are so plentiful in some
parts of Connecticut that cider is offer
ed for FIVE cents a gallon.
An exchange asks: "Where does
the cotton go?" We know where a
good deal Of it goes but don't like to
tell.
"Mary Jane, have YOU given the
goldfish fresh water?" "No ma'am.
What's the use they haven't drunk
up whats in there yet"
This makes good reading: "The
engagement of Capt.-to Miss
HIS talked of at the Branch"
1t must be an interesting topic.
The Lord Mayor of Dublin is nota
bit stuck up. He will mount a stee-
pie, dive into a station house, or dine
with an Alderman at a moments no
tice.
Another argument for cremation.
The plague has broken out in Egypt
in a village where all the water in
use MAS filtered through an old grave
yard.
Donaldson, the ba lloonist, is gong
to marry a woman who wears eye
glasses and walks W ith n cane, ard
we shall never srenk i'll OF him
again.
An editor in Illinois returns hum
bic and hearty thanks for the gift Of
a centipede-"It being the first cent
of any kind which we have received
tor weeks.
If the overridden Post office De-
partment clerk don't get over twenty
six pen knives year he'll organize
Lowry gang and make this govern
ment tremble.
An Illinois stump speaker, who
was boasting that he carried four reb-
el bullets as n proof of Patriotism.
was found to be carrying them in his
breeches pocket.
"Of course we couldn't have been
roaming around here and putting on
Congressional airs" SAYS a Nevada
paper in explaining how horse thief
came to his end.
"I.ord, what q cow!" was the ap-
proving remark of tetotal judge cf
Vermont after swallowing a potent
punch, which had been offered to him
as 4 glass OF milk.
A PRESBYTERIAN elder of Muscatine,
Iowa, visited the circus merely to
-'frown the thing down" Before the
performance was over he concluded
to grin and bear it,"
what is bull-head luck 2" Asks
n Kentucky paper. Twisting mules
tail and getting away from his heels
without getting kicked, come near
enough to answer the question.
The Indiana man who worked three
days in harvest field and received
therefor a litter ot pups, has come 10
the conclusion that it is not more
currency we need but a better cur
rency.
Policeman in New York, by gen.
eral order, must "wear the prescri-
bed uniform at all limes"--an aucom-
monty foolish order, which, if taken
to the lester, will not allow n man
even the liberty Of night shirt.
The venerable Rev. Lyman Beech
er once told 4 young minister not to
think too much about the tone of his
voice, but To be in earnest. "No
man." said Mr.. Bcecher, "eyer cried
fire in the wrong tone when hia own
house was burning
Illinois is generally adopting the
custom of refusing to license dealers
to sell les. than a gallon at time
but it does not make much difference,
after all, to the average Illinois bar
keeper, whose customers usually take
a gallon at sitting.
A street bcggar in New York says
the panic has ruined him. His col
lections have dropped to thee dollars
a day, but he wouldn't care 80 much
about that, but rents have fallen
thirty per cent, and he had two hous-
es and three stores empty at that re-
1uction.
"Did not give you fogging the
other dav 2" said a schoolinaster to a
trembling boy. "Yes, sir answered
the boy. "WeIl. what do the Scrip
lures say on the subject?" Il don't
know, Sir" said the boy "unles' it is
in that passage which says, it is more
blessed to give than to receive.
Strasburg Cathedral is now beaten.
1t no longer has the highest spire in
Europe. The new Church Of ST.
Nicholas, Hamburg, has just been
finished, ard the great cross was
placed on the summit the week be-
fore last. The total height Is Az
feet. This is six feet higher than
.>trasburg.
Asa pendant to the fact that two
gentleman, one in Italy and the other
in Paris, have within the last few
months swallowed forks. the Repu6t'-
que du Mdi announces that in hos