The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-04-04
Spain.
HOME MATTERS.
Pepper and salt.

On Tuesday last q couple of the tribe Of gamin
two hot house plants in the green house ofyoung
American progress two bipeds ofthc genus homo,
aged between nine and eleven, and whose ayoca-
ton il is TO sell newspapers, got into an altcrca-
ton az the depot and repaired to the rear of the
| freight house to fight il out. They were engaged
in lively game Of fsticufis when Father Terry
came upon the scene. Then there was scatter
ing OF the dozen boys that surrounded the com.
batan,s. Imagine a healthy and hungry duck in
swarm Of June bugs, stork stalking in upon
a frog conventiOn or giraffe among a flock of
qua!!s. These boys fed and the fight was indetin
itely postponed, the Reverend gentleman giving
the billigerents a little moral advice and tap
with his cane,....An unknown correspondent
who is an Englishman says he has not been
long in this "blarsted country, you know" Oh
jects to the peculiar yernacularsm of putting Il
plonoun and q noun in the same position, as
John he" mother She" dc. This we admit to
be alas! true, too troo,n "tu tru." But the
writer fairly raises our hair by the Statement. in
his note as follows, to-wit: Little Bill he has
a pig We give il up-we submit the puzzle 10
the obstetricians.. Some complaint is being
m adc in reference to our friend j. d. Hamm, the
agricutooral-ri-rooral chap. Recently nearly
every Sunday he gets himself up deliberately in
his best broad-cloth and goes to church, and his
beauty is of so dazzling nature as to make him
the observed Of all observers, and the preacher
is scarcely ever favored with glance, especially
from feminine eyes. Some people may like to
look al IIamm-we don't. Green Ham is liable
to have trichnae or be interviewed by flies, Give
Us us our Hqmm smoked or boiled. To-day
SIS the end of Lent. Now then bring back our
umbrella, it's been lent long enough. Lents out
When other free lunches fail uswe 20 TO Cd
Thompson's crockery store and eat green crab
apples, Ed. keeps basket full OF this cheerful
fruit for his friends.... They tell us a good one
on Al, q south of-the-square druggist, who
got up a brilliant April fool speculation. He
took his best business coat, and vest, and hat,
down to the bank of the river on April lst He
enclosed note in one Of the vest pockets, which
read pensiyely to the effect that whisky has
caused this fatal act and invoking the blessings
Of Heaven on the praying women. Giving dire
tiOns as to 10 how 10 dispose Of his body when
dragged from the river bed. lie then retired be
hind bunch OF willows and watched for vie
tim-some one to come along and find the clothes
and give IN alarm. He saw in the distance the
jury, and anxious citizens, much excitement,
drag robe, &c. But no one came. He waited all
forenoon and rubbed his hands and kicked the
ground with his feet to keep them warm, but
still no one came. Then he went up town and
threw out vague hints about some on being
founds Observation-Disclosures on the willows at the
river bank" &c, but still the old thing didn't
work! At dark he lonesomely repaired TO the
river and brought away his "duds" and wandered
home through the back alleys. If you want 70
worry him just allude 10 his cute April fool
speculation.