The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-10-23
scIssoR1Nus.

SClSSORLNa3.
The less men think, the more they
talk
A man who has no mind will not
change it.
Job boiled over wien his patience
gave way.
A highly intellectual dogThc
type-setter.
Horse thieves in Texas are serenad-
ed by string bands,
When six young ladies sit down to
talk about new dress pattern, a
small boy with tin horn is a refuge
for the weary.
"Don't speak to her. said one
young lady to another on the street
the other night, "she's the stuckup-
eldest thing You ever saw"
"Is the candidate for Sheriff here?"
asked a stranger as he looked into an
Illinois bar.room Eyes, why?" an
swercd eighteen men, as they rose.
Nothing will test mans strength
of purpose, and the steadiness OF his
eye, SO thoroughly as will the endeavor
to balance an eel up on the end of his
noso
A negro insisted that lis race was
mentioned in the Bible. He said he
heard the preacher read about how
"Nigger Demus wanted to be born
again"
An actress in California, Miss
Kinlin, lately married a professional
named Wood, and her stage name is
now hyphenated into Nine. Kinlin-
Wood.
oSix feet in his bootsln exclaimed
Mrs. Beeswax; "what will the impu-
dence ofthis world come to, wonderl
Why, they might as well tell me that
the man had six heads in his hat"
Indiana threshing machines are
hashingofflegs and arms with prompt
ness and dispatch, and occasionally
leaving a a handsome widow for pos
terity to take to candy pulls next
winter.
1t is not an uncommon observation
that man who ia continually talking
about his "ceaseless yearning after
Righteousness" cant got trusted at o
grocery store as quick as a man who
swears.
Last year he was worth 100000.
Then he began TO drink whisky and
seltzer, and now he's q pauper.
Where these rayages OF seltzer are
going to cease the most prescient OF
us cannot tell.
A clergyman, advocating oorporael
punishment for children, said. "The
child when once started in a course of
evil conduct, is like a locomotive on
the wrong traok-it takes the switch
to get it Off"
1t is now proposed TO start o
daily morning paper in the heart OF
the Black Hills. 1t will be called the
Scalp, and it is confidently expected
that all the Indians, without regard
to party, will take It.
"My dear" said wife to her hus-
band, odo you know what is the most
curious thing in the worldYs" eyes
madam gruiliy answered the brute.
I"the most curious thing in the world
is woman that is mol curious
It's awful lonesome in Mexico just
now, and tears trickle down the
fathers checks as he takes his son on
his knee, and tells him how the
country used to be blessed with q
revolution obout every two weeks.
A curious. typographical error re-
Gently appeared in q daily paper. In
giving an account ofan inquest, it was
stated. "The deceased bore an ac-.
cidenlal character, aud the jury re-
turned o verdict OF excellent death"
II IS not high crimes, such as rob
berry and murder, which destroy the
peace OF society. The village gossip,
family quarrels, iealousies and bicker-
ings between neighbors, meddlesome-.
ness and tattling, are the worms
which cat into all social happiness
Crimes and disasters seem to be
epidemic. There are seasons of fires.
OF railroad disasters, Of bank rob
berries, Of murders, etc, etc, and since
the disappearance Of little Charley
Ross casos of child.stealing are re-
ported from all parts Of the country.
A handsom lady entered a dry
goods house and inquired for o show"
I'he polite clerk threw himself back,
and remarked that he was at her SER
vice. Yes, but / want buff, not a
green onc,p was the reply. The.
young man went on measuring goods
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