The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1874-11-26

merest fizzle immagimable
Mitt. Marsh, our distinguished neighbor
over the way, the Hon. Congressman Storm
and Dr. Detrick returned home in the even
ing, in as good condition as could be expec
ted.
sa~ Our distinguished neighbor over the
way is possessed of one attribute for which
he never, or seldom, gets credit, and that is
the attribute of facetiousness.- 1t is seldom
indeed that the characteristic looms up on
the surface of his sayings or doings, but 1t
will occasionally burst its bonds, and when 1t
does come, good lordy stand from under
say we. Last week he gave US an evidence
of his possession of this attribute, and if any
failed to enjoy the fun, and indulge in invol-
untary cachinnations, their natures must in
deed be surchargcd with the very quintes-
sence of stoicism.
Our distinguished neighbor evidently felt
that the time had come when display of
this attribute was demanded, and he struck
the blow fearfully and well and we thank
him for it. That the effect might not be too
hcartreuding, following the example of old
:" Probabilities in quality if not exactly In
kind, he hung out his precautionary signal.
Old 3 'Probs,' in case of danger. hangs out
Il flag, but our distinguished neighbor, with
a better appreciation Of the situation, treat
ed us to the picture Of coffin, the symbol
of Democracy in its late long sleep, as more
in accord with the result to his readers, and
especially to ourself, of a perusal of what
would flow from the laughter engendered by
his facetious lucubration. And here we beg
to say that we duly appreciate our neighbors S
tender mercies towards us, and his ardent
love for us-for instead as he might have
done, of turning the whole Of his facetious
batteryupo US alone, he lets US down as easily
as possible by joining US, in the targatage,
with Johnny McCarty, John Stokes, Ed.
Wolf, Al Clemens, Eve, we (he) means Mi
riam, Kunkletown Whisky" and others
of our satellites departed long ago."
This was kind. 1t was unusually gener-
Gus, and as we said before, we appreciate it.
And then he goes on to talk of home
guards, y and ''bow they fought and bled for
their country during the war" and how
Stokes was slaughtered by Drake, and
McCarty was scalped by PAUL., and Kunkle
town Whiskey killed Wolf aud Clements, :"
all as facetious as can be. No more perfect
specimen Of facetiousness than this was ever
lmned for the contemplation of man, not
with standing the fact that things are decidedly
mixed, and that those who posted our dis
tinguished neighbor on matters occurring
iiere, while he was in Switzerland diving in
to the theologic lore of Zwingle and Melanc-
thon. on the shores of Geneva's lake, and
keeping out of the draft, and getting rea-
DIV to come home when the war was over,
had not exactly Furnished him with truth for
the basis of his effort.
PAUL. did not scalp johnny MUCarty, II
Drake did, for sudden flip flap from radical
Republicanism to Democracy, as reward,
received the position occupied by Stokes.
Neither did Kunkletown whiskey kill Wolf
aud Clemens McCarty, instead of going
to Switzerland managed to find his theology
in front of the enemy in Charleston harbor,
and studied hard at it for three years. He
afterwards scalped Drake and filled the posi-
ton, with credit to himself and increased
profit to the government until the place was
abolished, when he retired to private life
with the assurance of his superiors that no
better officer occupied position in the revenue
service. Stokes and the rest, alive, hearty
and well to- day, lived home guards life at
home instead of going to Switzerland, and
learned their ology-not possibly theology
in awaiting the necessities of their surround
ings. Neither of these were particularly
anxious to become flood for POWDER" we
presume, and some Of them, we know, had
no regrets to mourn over in the fact that they
were born just outside Of the draft, but
rather had reason to rejoice that voyage,
amid dangers, over the briney deep was not
among their necessities We mention these
things not apologetically. but to show our
distinguished neighbor what he missed in
richness of theme by not coming to US for the
facts in the case.
Next our distinguished neighbor turns his
facetious battery towards ourself and what
we made out of the generosity of Eve we
mean Miriam" to use his words And here
we would observe that our distinguished
neighbor's obtuseness is no draw back to his
facetiousuess for while he alleges profit to Us
out of Miriam generosity he proved to be
the only recipient of that profit. We thought
at one time that we had secured modicum
of stamps from the patronage of the Office,
but our distinguished neighbor under bid us
and secured the job, thus securing pay in ad
vance for the many nice things he has since
said in behalf of our worthy p NJ.
| Next, cur distinguished neighbor face