St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-05-01
Squibs.


cords of wood to get at a rabbit, which
escaped after all
The Danbury News says a rain under
the auspices of the United States gov
ernment, set in Saturday afternoon.
This is the best thing ever said against
Capitalization.
Milwaukee thought she had a case
wherein young girl died of a broken
heart, but it turned out that her corset
strings were too tight. and one stroke
of Il iack-krife revived her.
A Delaware man has been taking
cod-liver oil for four Years to cure the
consumption, and has just found out
that ne never had amy consumption.
He is the maddcst man i'll America.
"And so they 60" one of the late
Portland school committee is reported
to have said: Our great men are fast
departing first Greeley, then Chase
and now Sumuer-and don't feel very
well myself
Sixteen Years ago Tom Kenyon went
to Kansas City with Il cent, and the
other day he signed Il check for Sl6,-
900. He signed with another mans
name. and his supply of freedoms air
has been abbreviated.
a man named Button died recently
in Southern Berkshire. Mass, and when
the sexton started ont with pick and
| shovel. somebody asked him what he
was going to do. Going to make II
| Buttonhole. was the not very grave
reply.
There is difficult gentleman i'll Kal
amazoo. Mich. who refuses to pay his
school tax. He takes the ground that
schools have no right to teach any Ian
gIIage save the English. and that when
French and Latin are taught nobody is
obliged to pay any part of the expense.
The courts will teach this gentleman
something. and make him pay for his
education i'll the bargain.
One definition of an editor: An cdi
tor IL Il male being whose bizness IL to
navigate nnze paper. he writes edl-
torialS. grindS ont poetry. inserts deths
and weddings. sorts out maneskrips,
keeps il waste basket. blows the "devl."
steals matter. titeS other peoples bat
ties. sells hiz paper for dollar and fifty
cents wear. takes white beans and APP
pie >aa> for pay. when he can get it.
RACES large family. works 10 hours out
NV every -, knows no Sunday, gets
damned by everybody. and once in Il
while whipt by Sumboddy. lives poor,
dies middle-aged and often broken
hearted. leaves no money. IL rewarded
for life NV toll with short but free
obituary puff Ill the nuze papers. Ex-
changes please copN.-BHHhgS.
A land agent in Colorado remarked
to au inquiring emigrant that all that
was needed to make it IL paradise was
comfortable climate. water and good
society. That is all that is lacking i'll
hell. was the reply.
One day recently the person in charge
OF the late Mr. Summers home had all
the buttons cut from his dress coat by
party of Ladies' and gentlemen, who
found the coat lying Oh ii bed. and sup
posed it to have been Mr.. Summers.
Mrs Betsey Mower will hereafter
preside over the New London Conn.,
post office. Nothing could be Mower
appropriate.
Boarding house keepers are among
the most consistent believers in crema-
ton. Do they not invariably turn their
remains" into ''hashes ?"
y newspaper to he published on the
ears is the latest novelty. An exchange
suggests as its title The Hot Journal.
\ Missouri jury, i'll the case of man
found with ten bullets i'll his head. de-
cided that ''he had been shot or met
with some bad accident in some manner
not just now known
A st. Louis woman wants divorce
just because she found ll3 letters from
Il red-headed woman in her husbands
pocket. She's too fuSSy for that merid
ian.
\ lady III Carlisle. Penn, has pair
of geese that chipped the shell in 1853,
and have only four years to wait before
they will be tit for amy boarding house
table.
The ways of women-anywhere from
ninety to two hundred pounds.
1t is stated as Neurological fact
that the milk OF young COW is apt to
he toaming. Which is highly probable,
us the creature is heitervescent
. There - said Jones. as he wrathfully
pushed away the pie which the landlady
had just served him that stuff amt
r lit for ii pig to eat, aud ant going to
eat it."
\ New York merchant absent mind
eddy copied il love-letter to his ''heart's
idof' in the letter book of the firm, be
fore sending it.
The mayor of II Portuguese city once
enumerated, among the marks by which
the body of ii drowned man might be
identified. IA marked impeachment in his
), speech.
, When you have lost money in the
streets, every one is ready to help YOU
to look tor it; but when you have lost
your character. every one leaves you to
recover it as you can.
+ \ Boston preacher in speaking of the
I danger of permitting the Bible to be
| crowded out by the newspaper, perpe-
= trated the following pun: Men, now
adays.' said he, ''are like Zaccheus-
desirous of seeing Jesus, but they can
, not because of the press"
; y German jew was eating a pork
chop i'll Il thunderstorm. On hearing
IN unusually loud clap, he laid down
, his knife and fork and observed:
''Nell, did any poty efer hear such "A
fuss about little biece of bork r.
, An old lady, hearing some one read
ing about Congress man at large,
rushed to the kitchen door shouting
Sarah Jane, Sarah Jane, don't you
leave the clothes out all night mind.
! tell You; for there's Congressman at
large ~
If cremation becomes the establi she'd
rule, and is adopted, some of the pet
| -..tt