The Ottawa free trader., 1874-09-05
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

bGcmu5, OF the Ottawa Free Trader repub
fishes our Prospectus and requests us TO make
note OF it., We do. Beam on us again. We ar,
a free trader and we'd like to bc an Ottawa Free
Trader-El PdSO Jou,nui. ,
OF course you would like to be an Ottawa FgEI
TRADER, and then the girls would all read you
and look all over you and find lots OF fun and love
stories; and they would take you to their buzz
ums, and hug you. EXhaustng all your literary
sentimental and amusing contents, they would
roll you up into nice bunch, and stuff you un.
der their back clothes and make hustle Of YOU
and promenade all over the city with YOU Oh!
wouldn't You be nice and snug, and happy then
We can always tell when young lady wears
one OF our FREE TRADERS MS a hustle. The Girl
50 riGgcd out comes tripping along stepping
airily and srr-htly, II sweet smile wrcathcs her
mouth, ard roses glow Oh her check and all the
nice youngfcllows naturally fall in love with her,
and she thus has her pick cf the boys, and mar
rics right away,
But look at the other poor creatures who use
the Ottawa R,publican sr-humph How neglect.
cd, forlOrn, ashamed they look They promenade
the streets till they get cross.cycd, while trying
to look both ways for the boys, who never notice
them They grow grabbed and yincgary, and in
eyitably die old maids
For the information Of the ladies who Use the
FREE TRADER and find the pepper and salt
too highly seasoncd-too binding Us il we're
we mention that we put in plenty of "crcam of
our exchanges" as soothing, countcractng cl.
ement. There is nothing that we will not do,
mat IN honor can be done, to please the ladies.
We have long been puzzled over the Smith
problem, but now are happy. The following cx.
planation untwstS things:
When Adam met Eve he was smit and when
Eve met Adam she was smit Then they were
hoth smit, which is German for Smith Now we
know why II is that, when man is not named
Of anything else, his name is above.
What does the Gibson Co,iicr mean to insin,l.
ate by the following:
The local editor of the Paxton Joo,ual advcr
Uses for Il secondhand baby carriage He ought
10 have lad parsOn first, but he didn't
Parsons are getting very disreputablc Of late,
especially the fellows who climb up and dogy
upon the sharp picket fence Of rctributon. WGA
prefer a secondhand baby carrlagc-or even 4
fourth class baby any time!
" Let the comet alone,n SAYS the New York
CQmHaricL Good gracious. who's togchn Of
lt.-Ber'&tbc tNas'.) Co-g7er.
Nothing so much destroys oar peace OF mind
as Ia hear another express his intention 10 give
us piece Of hi5.-E5
Especially if that other fellow happens to be
ones wife.
Woodruff viii do Paris" So did Hclcn-E5.
c.aEge
No. Helen aaala Paris. Can the Woodruff
ditto:
i3Ihe E-rlyiIc Tfaascript adIcrtises for servant
girls. The following singular requisites are dc.
manded: "A full mouth, and fair stopper" Are
those giIls required to Lc fast trottcrsg And
ihcn who ever heard OF a servant girl hacking
mouth enough? Most OF em carry sufficient
Of that organ for a whole family.
u takcs g per week TO perfume really pre-
sentabie New York pOodie.-Ereicuge.
Which Sort the tr1 OF four-ieggcd breed or
IS IL " olls Sqias"
As we have frequently remarked. this big foot
AK is becoming bore but they do say that ON
ast Christmas Eve a Chicago man put the long
pony phacton in his wifc's stocking
. pleasantly surprise her iu The morniBg-SL
sDais J0ayTici. II
\ Hardin county lKy., farmer proposes TO fat !
en- about sixty hogs on onion. alone, and for .
bat purpose has planted large crop Of the cs.
uicnt In