The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-27
CITY COUNCIL.
RAID OF THE CRUSADERS.
A Melancholy Minority and Mye'erse"siy
Absent Majority.
Very Authentic Proceedings.

Had Columbus forescen the dire events that
might follow from the discovery Of America ne
would have refrained from making that little
VOYAGE. Chris wouldn't have played that eclipse
Joke on the sailors, or that egg joke on King
Fcrd and his councillors. He would have eaten
the probable chicken on the half shell, and been
gorcd by a bull in the arena and died like hero
He would gladly have done all this had he known
that Ottawa WAS to be born and have council
and squad of crusaders, &c.
| Let US not, however, keep the reader in sus-
pensc by long Introduction, but dive right into
the midst Of the startling details; let us grasp
each narrowing circumstance and calmly wade
through this sea Of terrors, as it were
| On Tuesday evening last the sun tumoied out
of sight, presenting ominous signs Of trouble
His face was blood red, and black bandage
across the south east corner of his disc seemed
to do up black eye. Any sort of prophet
could see a "ruction" in these portentous pecul-
arities of the luminary which his name is sol.
At an early hour in the evening excltea wo-
men were seen in squads OF two, three, SIX or
dozen, promenadng the streets, and ever ana
anon swooping down upon the city nall. lhle
devoted spot seemed to be the central object OF
their gyrations-the attraction, the place OF gen
eral departure and return.
At the proper hour for the meeting OF the
council, the rotund form of the Mayor might
have been seen moving with lofty dignity toward
the council chamber.
At the same time the observer might have
gazed upon the portly person OF Alderman Grill
fifth toddling with terrific strides in the same di-
rection
Responsive to the creakings and Sroanings OF
the Illinois river bridge under the giant like
tread of Griffith, the mammoth proportions OF
Alderman Jackson made the iron bridge over
Fox river rattle and tremble as the majestic hg-
ure of that stalwart Alderman came council
ward.
At the same moment the chickens OF ward one
screamed and ducked their heads under weeds
and fences as the majestic and ponderous frame
of the Alderman from that ward shook the firm
earth in his march to the city hall
At the same instant the ponderous, abnormal
proportions of Alderman Porter, OF ward l,
emerged in triumphal procession past the
acqueduct and headed for the city hall.
The Marshal's star and club led that officer in
to the council room.
The brigand SLOUGH of the street patchist upon
the Clerks table announced that the party who
bosses the man who drives the team that gets
pushed in hot weather, that hauls the gravel
that fills the holes in the streets, rooted up by
the pigs that came out of the pen that Jack
built,-provcd that that functionary was present
The olcaginous form Of the ubiquitous City
Clerk glttcred behind the gas light
(pOETRY)
Hook was there.
With dismal sigh,
lIc took CHAIR,
Ahd Winked one eye!
The Nj, or said-Gentlemen, it's past the hour
cur meeting, and we have no quorum.
Clcrk-Ah, yes, It's true, we have no quorum;
perhaps the absent have gone for more rum'
Porter-This liberty they've surely took; they
II ret their "tods' by hook or crook.
Hook-I scorn the base insinuation; and spit
upon such narration, II such liberties they've
took, they'll drink no more with this here HOOK.
Courtney-Yes, and tell em mot for Joe"
Jackson--We have quorum, all but two; II!
tell YOU what we'd better do; the city team
should car, their oats, let's get them up and
have their votes.
Norris-rll tell the truth if am crushed; the
city team is badly 6uShcd!
Mayor to Stout--Doctor, is there no balm ~
Gilead?
DR.. S.-Not J. balm'
Courtney put his head out Of III, wfdow, and
frantically exclaimed, "Mcrcy on NJ Here come
fine crusaders AS sure as | liyclN
Here panic seized the council.
Mayor-Order! Ordcr'
Norrle-Nhcres my SratY
Iarris-And my star and thng.?
Porter wish was home.
Hook-Boys, III tell you wAatlet's do; let's stay
here and act ike men. Let us, like great patri-
otto men who have made themselves famous for
ever-lct We expire in high tragedy, uttcring
some noble last words as, This is the last OF
earth; :" 81 still live" Head Of the army" or
| ITS -- hot here" or 81 want 10 bC an angel
or something.
Meantime the crusaders TO the number Of a
dozen or so were gathered around the foot OF
the stairs leading to the council room, none ap
parcntly bold enough to lead the way TO The
great council chamber
Said one, "Sistcr ----, you 20 first; yOr
know YOU amt afraid Of your husband, and he il
a bigger man than any of those little fellows ~
there"
! The sister replied an, no, amt afraid Of my
Sammy, bat haven't looked after my washing
for three weeks and must really 20 home and d>
some up tonight 30 rs TO be able TO crusade to
morrow"
Y CAN'T trn Npl