Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-11-05
MrscelIapeous.
Bad debts-owing grudges.

To secure a result, lock it up.
A fact is worth a thousand state
ments.
Fruitful in axe-idents-A chopping
sea. A
A high note-one of thousand
dollars.
Moonlight mechanics is the latest
for burglars.
A fall pippin, coal stove and 2
newspaper are not bad things to slt
up with.
What is the use of talking of TINS
worlds brightness and sunshine 10 d
man that has tight bootsy
.ssDarwin's Darlings" is the sugges
tive name of a newly organized MIL
strel troupe at the west
The most bitter critics we have are
those who have failed themselves to
write anything worth reading.
The keeper of restaurant in New
York announces ''paroxysmal stews"
as speciality on his bill of fare.
He who has got nothing to do in
this world but amuse himself, has got
the hardest job on hand 1 know of.
A Memphis policeman thought
that his orders included all cases of
drunkenness, and, therefore, arrested
the Mayor and was discharged.
They have invented shot guns
which can be carried in the pocket,
and a fellow can slide out and go
hunting Sunday and nc one know it.
If you wake up at night in an Ital-
lan hotel and shoot burglar, the
chances are that you can't see the
landlord next morning and that his
wife is widow.
"My dear sir" said candidate, ac,
costing a stray wag ON the day of
election, 81 am very glad to see you"
"You needn't be" 81 have voted"
A lady in menagerie being asked
why she SO closely scanned the ele-
phant with her opera glass, replied
that she was ''looking for the keyhole
of his trunk"
A Michigan farmer complains that
he is not receiving half the campaign
speeches this year necessary to light
his fires, and he has had to make
shaving contract with cooper shop.
When the yellow corn sighs to be
husked and the golden pumpkins
yearn to be gathered. it is no time for
a paper to stop and argue whether
Edna Dean Proctor is nineteen or
ninety.
A rich but parsimonious old gen
tleman, on being taken to task for his
nncharitableness, said: sTrue, /
don't give much, but if you only knew
how it hurts when l give anything,
you wouldn't wonder" s.
An inquiring man thrust his fin
gers into horses mouth to see how
many teeth he had. The horse
closed his mouth to see how many
fingers the man had. The curiosity
of each was fully satisfied.
A Washington newspaper claims to
have made an impression on gas
company. Don't believe it.
The matrimonial market has pick |
ed up so fast since September
that one New Hampshire clergyman
has laid in three barrels of beans, a
barrel of cider and three dried calf
skins.
"Don't prevaricate, sir" thunder
ed Judge Shell, to a witness. "Can't
help it, Judge" answered the youth.
"Ever since 1 got a kick from a
mule that knocked my teeth out,
prevaricate good DEAL"
Marry for love, young men, but re-
member that it's as easy to love girl
whose pa has hundred thousand in
bank as one whose old man sits up be-
hind a pair of mules and yells:
"Whoal you Pete, or I'll take your
ear OFF,
When a Nevada miner leaps into
a saloon, with revolver in each
hand and a bowie-knife under his
arm, and asks, 'whO runs that sole-de-
stroying shebangw echo is left to
answer, while the crowd fall out of
the back door.
Lawyer-"How do you identify
this handkerehiefP' Witness-"By
its general appearance, and the fact
that l have others like it." Coun-
sci (cutely )-"That's no proof for
have got one just like it in my
pocket" Witness (innocently ID
don't doubt that, as had more than
one of the same sort stolen" >"
"My father was farmer before me,
and l thank God that / am farmer
BORN" Such was the soap Porter ex-
pected to sooth the grangers with on
Fourth of July last. 1t reminded
Col. Geo. Stanley of the Illinois ora
or who addressed a rural audience:
Gentlemen said he, am proud to
be one of you. "My father was a
farmer, and I am a farmer born.
Yes, | may truly say, was born be-
tween two rows of corn" At this
uncture tipsy agriculturalist at the
further end of the house hic-coughed
put: "a (hic) pumpkin, by-r'--
Eldorado Ledger.
RICE is now the best paying crop of
The South. Highland rice yields !
5wice as many bushels to the acre as