Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-07-23
A GREAT PLEASURE EXCURSION.
The Comet Leased by Messrs. Twain
q EarDum--AII Aboard for Inf nifty.
rom the New York Herald.

We have received the following adj
Vertisement, but, inasmuch as it concerns
matter Of deep and general interest,we
feel fully justified in inserting it in our
reading columns. We are confident that
our conduct in this regard needs only ex-
PLANTATION, not apOlogy.-Ed. HeraId
ADVERTISEMENT.
This is to inform the public that in
connection with Mr.. Barnum I have
leased the comet for term of years; and
desire also to solicit the public patron
age IN favor of a beneficial enterprise
which we have in view
we propose to fit up comfortable and
even luxurious accommodations in the
comet for as many persons as will honor
Us with their patronage, and make an
extended excursion among the heavenly
bodies. We shall prepare 100000 state
rooms in the tail Of the comet with hot
and cold water, gas, looking glass, para
chute, umbrella, ETC., in EACH, and shall
construct more if we meet with a suffi-
GENTLY generous encouragement. We
shall have billiard-rOOms, card-rooms,
mushrooms, bowling and many
spacious theaters and free libraries; and
on the main deck we propose to have a
driving park, with upward Of 10000 miles
Of roadway in it. We shall publish daily
newspapers also.
The comet will leave New York at ten
p. m. on the Goth inst, and therefore it
will be desirable that the passengers be
on board by eight at The latest, to avoid
confusion in getting under way 1t is
not known whether passports will be nee
essary Or not, but it is deemed best that
passengers provide them and so guard
against all contingencies. No dogs will
be allowed on board This rule has been
made in Difference to the existing state OF
feeling regarding these animals, and will
be strictly adhered to. The safety Of
passengers Will in all ways be ieal0usly
looked to. 4 substantial iron railing
will be put all around the comet, and no
one will be allowed to go to the edge and
look over unless accompanied by either
my partner or myself.
The postal service will be of the com
pletest character. OF course the tele-
graph, and the telegraph only, VIII be en-
plOyed, consequently friends occupying
state-rOoms 20000,0 600 and even 3O,00O,O0O
miles apart will be able to send a mes
sage and receive a reply inside Of eleven
days Night messages will be half rate.
The whole OF this vast postal system will
be under the personal superintendent of
Mr. Hale Of Maine. Meals served at all
hours Meals served in state-rOOms
charged extra.
Hostility is not apprehended from any
great planet, but we have thought it best
to err on the safe side, and therefore have
provided proper number of mOrtars,
sicge-gUns and boarding-pikes. History
shows that small, isolated communities,
such IS the people Of remote islands, are
prone to be hostile to strangers, and so
the same may be the case with the in
habitants Of stars Of the tenth or TWEEN
ticth magnitude. We shall in no case
Wantonly offend the people Of any star,
but shall treat all alike with urbanity
and Kindness, never conducting ourselves
toward an asteroid after fashion which
we could not venture to assume toward
Jupiter or Saturn Irepeat that we shall
not Wantonly offend any star; but at the
same time we shall promptly resent any
injury that may be done us, or any inso-
lencc offered us, by parties or govern
ments residing in any star in the firma-
ment. Although aveTsc to the shedding
OF blood, we shall still hold this course
rigidly and fearlessly, not only toward
single stars but toward consultations
We shall hope to leave good impression
Of America behind Us in every nation we
events, il we cannot inspire love, we
shall, at least, compel respect for our
country wherever we 90.
The comet will visit Mars first, and
then proceed to Mercury, Jupiter, Venus
and Saturn. Parties connected with the
Government Of the District Of Columbia
and with the former city government of
New York, who may desire to inspect
the rings, will be allowed time and every
facility. Every star of prominent mag
nitude will be visited, and time allowed
for excursions to points of interest in
land
The dog star has been stricken from
the programme. Much time will be
spent in the Great Bear, and, indeed, in
every constellation of Importance So,
also, with the sun and moon and the
Milky Way, otherwise the gulf stream of
the skies. Clothing suitable for wear in
the sun should be provided Our pro
gramme has been so arranged that we
shall seldom 90 more than 100 100000 Of
miles at time without stopping at some
star. This will necessarily make the
stoppages frequent and preserve the in
terest OF the tourist. Baggage checked
through 10 any point on the route. Par
ties desiring to make only a part of the
proposed tour, and thus save expense,
may stop over at any star they choose
and wait for the return voyage
After visiting ali the most celebrated
stars and consultations in our system,
and personally inspecting the remotest
sparks that even the most powerful tel
Escapes can now detect in the armament,
we shall proceed with good heart upon a
stUpendOus voyage of discovery among
the countless Whirling worlds that make
turmoil in the mighty wastes of space
that stretch their solemn sOlitudcs, their
unim2ginablc yastnesS billions upon
billions of miles away beyond the far
thest verge of telescope vision, till by
comparison the little sparkling vault we
used to gaze at on earth shall seem like
a remembered phOsphOrescent flash of
spangles which some tropical voyager's
Prov stirred into life for single instant !;
and which ten thousand miles of phoS-
phorcscent seas and tedious lapse of
time has since diminished to an incident
utterly trivial in his recollection Chill
dren occupying seats at the first table
will be charged full fare.
First-class fare from the earth to
Uranus, including visits to the sun and
moon and all principal planets on the
route, will be charged at the low rate of
two dollars for every 5 100000 miles of
actual travel. A great reduction will be
made where parties wish TO make the
round trip. This comet is new and in
thorough repair, and is now on her
first VOYAGE. She is confesSedly the
fastest on the line. She makes 20
coo 0G0 miles u 6ay with her