The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-06-27
VARIETY.

HOw2-The Siamese twins were Baptists.
" But, D." says the Presbyterian, suppose one had
been a disbelieyer, how could the other have been
immersed2' But another says they were not
BaPtists-they were United Brethren.
DIsGCsTED.-A BROOKLYN sea-captain lust re-
turned from tour Of the Holy Land, expressed
himself disgusted with Jerusalem ''It is the
meanest place | ever visited There is not a
drop Of liquor in the old town fit to drink
WoULD CALL.-Young Innocent-s'I wish 1
growed up like 'OO, Miss Eatwell,'' Miss
E. You do, my darling Why2" Young In
nOcent-" Cos I'd call on all my friends, every
morning, and have such lots of wine and biscuits
ADDED THREE YEARs.-A North Carolina Judge
added three years to a mans sentence because the
fellow hit him on the pate with a quid of tobacco
and called him " old horse" 1t does seem as if
the word freedom had no business in that
country.
THREATEED.-In Western city it was pro-
posed TO assist the temperance cause by publish
ing the names Of those persons who frequented
the saloons. This was done until the proprietors
OF the local directory threatened to apply for an
injunction to restrain the temperance committee
from infringing their copyright.
A fellow who was before justice at Rutland,
VT, the other day, on charge of theft, pleaded
chat he was drunk when he committed the crime,
and was not only put under bonds for stealing
but was fined for intOxicatiOn, while the man who
sold him the liquor was hauled up and forced to
sts-tf Hae Esu1rTt $50
BErrER-A lady in New York is the mother of
a large family Of children, and they all rather
dminutiye. \ few days after the birth of the
Youngest long since, little niece Of the lady
called to see the baby. After looking at the tiny
specimen for a few minutes, the little girl said
- Aunt Maria, don't you think it would be better
to have less of em and have 'em bigger?'
SERVED HIM RIGHT.-A Corning Qa) youth
70 tafiia md
posed marriage to both. They found out about
IT, invited him to the house Of one Of them, and
asked him to take seat between them, which he
did, sitting down in tub of water over which
covering had Teen nicely spread. Then they po-
litely requested him not to be in a hurry to 60.
but he went
REHARKABLE-A country minister of L" limited
capacity" recently married for second wife
widow of some property. Being an ardent ser
gant of MammOn, n former neighbor asked him if
ne did not do well by the second marriage. go,
yes, indeed, >" he said, with animation; and then
as an expression of reyerent stole into his
face, he added, and what is very remarkable,
the clothes Of my wifes first husband just fit me'
CHICAGO Do00EEEL-
There va Young man in Chicago,
And ne sad, May 20 your pa 90,
Aud houses and land -
This tlaid young man q Chicago.
There a young girl in Chicago,
W ~ sail " II you don't let my paw 60
You eyes VIII scratch
lnI VOC hair VII snatch
AnI svS;fsiy / ~ unake every claw gOs'
SET TO Mrsrc.-Some one has got hold Of the
newspaper bore and set him 20 music as follows
All asks about the ncEsi
Tie peers intg my manuscript.
o. gives ais candid views;
He & is, NV ne wsss her. is be l1s :, 'as as.i1 ae
He takes the stranr-st Hberties
But never takes u leave 80
yyors Loclc.-This is what Punch calls vim
Gus logic: Respectable Pawnbroker (roused from
his slumbers at three 4. N. by repeated knocking
nj his door)-s. Well, what Is it2'' EbriOsus-
Whatsh the time p Respectable Pawnbroker
80 What do you mean TO say yo've got me out
Of bed at this time o. night 70 ask such foolish
question as that? Police, poliee,' Ebriosus-
.:Well, hang it, goyernor-(hic)-you've got my
watch
No ExCUsE.-A fine distinction was that the
preacher Of the Richmond First Baptist Church
made: Ny brudders," said he, .'when you
ware all slaves dar might ha' been sense for
cuttin' slice of the marsT's bacon, OF hOOkin' 4
handful o. cOrnmeal, OF robbin' de hen rOOst; for
YOU all work hard den, my brudders, and you
earn it. my brudders and sisters. But now Is all
free men dar amt no 'scuse whatever; you's all
on yer own 'sPonsibility."
30 NEAK OUT.-In the town Of Waterloo,
Seneca county, New York, lives Mr.. c., who
is noted for his fondness of good books; he liked
asked n the house was supplied with the Bible.
An, yes," he said, they always had it," The
agent was little increduOus, and requested to see
it WhereupOn, Mr.. C. searched the house
and found a few stray leaves. saying 81 he had no
idea that they were so near out OF Bible"
ACKNOWLEDGED THE CORN-A distinguished
member Of the Legislature - reported in the
Louisville Commercial as having candidly ac-
knowIedged the corn. Re-appearing, after an alb
sence from his seat Of three days he said he had
been sick .'What was the matter with you?"
lnsf was asked s'Well, folks call il nervous
ehIlIs; others pronounce 1t an affection of the
heart but to be candid about it., call it 4 plain
lease Of old-fashiOned drunk.
OF CoURsE-The following coiloquy took place
between Counsellor Sealingwax and witness
% who would talk back" "DO L understand
Ayou to say, sir, that the prisoner is thief?'
ts' Yes, sir; cause why, she confessed she was"
H. And you also swear she worked for you after
Hthis confession ?'i ssYes, sir "Then We un-
derstand that you employ dishonest people to
work for you, even after their rascaties are con-
fessed to YOU 2'' 'sOf course; how else would
get assistance from a laWyerP'