The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-05-15
JOE CATERS LIFE INSURANCE.

Good? He was the model boy of
Bungfeld. While his idle school-mates
were flying kites, and play@g marbles,
the prudent Joseph was trading Sun
day-schOol tickets for Strawberries and
eggs, which he converted into currency
of the Republic. As he grew up, and
his old school-mat purchased cravaCs
and heir-oil at Squire Tackey's store, it
was the industrious Joseph who stood
behind the counter, wrapped up their
purchases and took their money. When
the same boys stood on the street
corners and cast sleeps eyes at the
girls, the business-like Joseph stood in
the store door and contemplated these
same boys with eyes such as a hungry
cat casts upou a brood of young birds
he expects to eat when they grow older.
Joe never wasted any time at parties !;
he never wore fine clothing he never
drank nor smoked; in short, Joe was so
industrious that by the time he reached
his majority he had a thousand dollars
in the bank, and not a solitary virtue in
his heart.
For Joe's money good Squire Tackey
had an earnest longing, and soon had it
to his own credit while the sign over
the stoor-door read "Tackey & Cater"
Then the Squire wanted Joe's soul,
too, and so earnest was he that Joe soon
found it necessary to demonstrate with
his partner.
"'Twon't do, Squire" said he, Gre
hgion's all very we'll in its place, but
when q man loses the sale of a dozen
eggs, profit seven cents, because his
partner is talking religion with him so
hard that a customer gets tired of wait
ing and goes somewhere else, then re-
ligion's out of place"
"The human souls of more con-
s'kence than many eggs, Joseph" ar
gued the Squire.
"That's just it, ;" replied Joe; money
don't hit the value of the soul any way,
aud there's no use trying to mix 'em.
And while we're talking, don't you
think we might be mixing some of the
settings of the molasses barrel with
the brown sugar twill make it weigh
better"
The Squire sighed, but he could not
help admitting that Joe was as good
partner as a man could want.
In one of Joe's leisure moments it
struck him that if he were to die no
body would lose a cent by the opera
ton. The idea was too exaspCrating,
and soon the local agents of noted in
surance companies ceased to enjoy that
tranquility which is characteristic of
business in the country. Within a
fortnight two of the agents were ar
rligned before their respective churches
for profane brawling, while Joe had
squeezed certain agents into dividing
commissions to the lowest unit of di-
visibility, and had several policies in
the safe at the store.
The Squire, his partner, was agent
for the Patagonian Mutual, and en-
dured his full share of the general
agony Joe had caused. But when he
had handed Joe a policy and receipt,
and taken the money, and counted it
twice and seen to it carefully that all
the bills were good, the Squire took
his revenge.
Joseph" sa d he, "you amt
through with insurance yet-you need
to insure your soul against risk in the
next world, and there's only one agent
that does it"
The Junior partner stretched himself
on the counter and groaned. He knew
the Squire was right-he had heard
that same story from every minister he
had ever heard. Joe was so agitated
that he charged at twelve and q half
cents some calico he had sold at fif-
teen.
Only one agent But the shrewd
Joseph rejoiced to think that those who
represented the Great Agent diff tired
greatly in the conditions of the insu--
ance, and that some made more favor
able terms than others, and that If he
could get the ministers thoroughly IN
terested in him he would have good
opportunity for comparing rates. The
good men all wanted Joe. for he was
rising young man, and could, if the
spirit moved him, make handsome SUBJ
scriptions to good purposes. So in
their zeal they soon regarded each
other with jealous eyes, and reduced
their respective creeds to gossamer
thinness. They agreed about grace
being free, and Joe accepted that much
promptly, as he did anything which
could be had without price. But Joe
was a practical man, and though he
found fault with none of the doctrines
talked at him he yet hesitated to at
tach himself to any particular congre-
CATION. He finally ascertained that the
Reverend Barzillai Driitwood's church
had no debt, and that its contributions
to missions and other religious pur-
poses were very small, so Joe allowed
himself to be gathered into the fine as
sortment of crooked sticks which the
Reverend Barzillai Driftwood was re-
serving unto the day of burning.
Great was the rejoicing of the congre-
cation at Joe's saving act, and sincere
was the sorrow of the other churches,
which knew their own creeds were less
shaky. But in the saloon and on the