Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1874-12-22
THE LYON COUNTY TIMES
VARIETIES.

well into the cloth, and then
laughed out loud in school, for
which the master flogged him Sc
verely, but dismissed school soon
after to go and see an eye doctor.
An English paper wonders if
Mr.. Scattering" will again be a
candidate for President. John
Bull is always putting his foot in
it. That's the same paper which
stated that the largest Buffalo in
the world could be seen on the
shores of Lake Erie.
OF all the products of the sea
the most economical for food are
the members of the lobster family,
seeing that the lobster has the least
waist of any marine creature.
Breakfast for ninety nine" said
a waiter to a verdant clerk at a
hotel, not long ago. Thunder"
said the clerk, We can't do it. :"
The waiter explained that ninety
nine was the number of the room.
While Ben Butler was urging his
Gloucester constituents to return
him to Congress, some lrreverent
rowdy attached spoon to a string
and lowered it through the ceiling,
permitting it to dangle about the
orators head. Ben observed the
bait, and didn't bite. 1t was a
pewter spoon.
The magician who astonished his
audience by changing a canary
bird into rabbit has formidable
rival in the man who turned a
bushel of potatoes into barrel.
A worthy old farmer, who was
being worried in his cross-examina-
ton by lawyer in Maine, exclaim-
ed: "Look here, squire, don't you
ask good many foolish ques-
tions?"
When Mr.. Madison lin his old
age, and very feeble) was reposlng
on sofa at Montpelier, he asked
friend to take a chair near him,
with the remark, 60 Strange as it
may appear, I always talk better
when l he." Mr.. Madison was
something of humorist, man of
refined wit and capital talker.
We doubt if the annals of the
law" so often referred to by legal
orators, can show more unique
death sentence than the following,
which was delivered lately by a
Missouri Judge: If guilty" said |
he to the prisoner, You richly de-
serve the fate which awaits you; if
innocent, it viii be a qualification
for you to feel that you were
hanged without such a crime on
your conscience in either case,
you will be delivered from a world
of care"
Why is a caterpillar like plate
of buckwheat cakes? Because it is
the grub that makes the butterfly. |
Grammatical problem-Is hash |
singular or plural? Squobs says
that it is too common at his board !
ing house to be singular.
A merchant of our acquaintance |
is so scrupulously exact in all his
dealings that whenever he pays a
visit he insists upon taking re-
ceipt for it.
A recent writer on the Mormons
and their system, who lived long
time in Utah, says; Mormonism
is even greater humbug as an in
dustrial system than as a religion
there is less production to the
number of workers-though, take
it as one may, it is the champion
humbug of modern times. 1t be-
gan on stolen romance fraudu-
lently palmed off as a bible. Its
prophet was fiddling sot; his sue
cessor is socially a boor, and, as
financier or manager, the worst
overrated man of his age; and its
pretenses of industry, morality,
and sobriety, are even more faudu-
lent and unfounded than its claims
as religion"
A gentleman was accosted by an
aged colored lady who asked him
to subscribe something toward her
maintenance. He inquired why
she came to him first, and she re-
piled, " Case, sab, l see you's so
good lookin', an / allus want de
handsome men down fust." He
came down.
"Faith, and why did yer cut
hole in me ticket ?" said a Wicklow
Home Ruler recently, ON his first
trip by that novel invention, rail
way. WELL" said the ticket
porter, " it was in order to let you
through"
A school boy spelled !" sob," and
when asked to define it, Numbered
out: 1t means when Teller don't
want to cry, and it bursts out
itself" Another described a COM
ma as "period with tail"
So dark and yet so light" as
the man said when he looked at his
ton of coal.
HARMLESS NETTLEs.-It has been
ascertained by accident that, imme-