The Leavenworth weekly times. [volume] (Leavenworth, Kan.) 1870-1880, 1874-07-16
TMeeklp Gimes
THURSDAY, JULY 16, 1874.
Tho NndertakeY'S Chat.

From Mark Tuain's Unpublished English Notes
"Now, that corpse" said the undertaken,
batting the folded hands Of the deceased sp-
provingly, twas q brick-every way you
took hIm be WAS . brick. lie was 20 real |
accommodating, and 30 modest like and sim.
ple in his last moments. Friends wanted
metsl;c burial caseInOthing else would
do. Icouldn't get 1t. There wart 60
ing 10 be time-Anybody could SIC that
Corpse eaid never mind, shake him W
.ome kind of a box he could stretch out IN
comfortable, he warn't particular bout the
general STYLE OF it. Said he went more on
room than style anyway, in last hnai con-
tainer. Friends wanted . SILVER door-piste
on the coffin, signify Who be Vas or wher
lac was from. Now yoa know fellow
couldn't roust out such gally thing - that
in little country town like this. What
did corpse say? Corpse said white wash
his old canoe and DOB his address and gen.
eral destination onto il with backing
brush and q stencil-plste. long with verse
from some likely hymn or other, and pint
him for the tomb, and mark him L. U. D.,
and let him flicker. He varn't distressed
any more than you be-on the contrary just
AZ C am and collected as q besFse-horse; said
he Judged that wher' he was gong TO BODY
would find it considerable better 10 attract
attention by q picturesque moral character
than q natty burial case with swell door
plate on il. Splendid man he was. I'd
druther do for a corpse like that n any I've
tackled 10 seven year. There's some satls-
faction in burry'n a man like that. lon
feel at what you're doing 10 appreciated.
Lord bless YOU, SOS he got planted before be
spilled he was perfectly satisfied; Sid his re
l.tions meant well, PERFECTLY we'll, but all
them preparations were bound to delay the
thing more or less, and he didn't wish TO be
kept layin' round, You never zee such
clear head as he had and 30 calmly and 40
cool Just hunk of brains-that il what
he was. Perfectly awful. 1t was . ripping
distance from one end OF that mans head
10 pother. Often and over again he's had
brain fever a-rsging in one place. and the
rert Of the pile didn't know anything about
it-dindn't effect it any more than an inIun
insurrection in Arizona effect the Atlantic
States. Well, the relations. they wanted .
lurid funeral, but corpse said he was down
ON aummery mourners-didn't want any
Orc cession-6ll the hearse full Of mourners,
and get out a stern line and tow hun behind
He uos the most down on style OF any re-
mains ever struck. A beautiful, ssmple-
minded cresture-it was what he Wa, you
can depend on that. He was just Get on hav-
ing things the way he wanted them, and
he took a eolid comfort in laying his little
plaIs. He had me measure him ard take
n whole raft of directions; then he had tie
minister stand up behind long box with a
table cloth over il TO represent the coffin.
and read his funeral sermon, saying. Arg
<ls.Vo L.
ing him scratch out every tit of brsg about
him, and all the hifalutin; and then he
made him trol out the choir SOS he could
help them pick OUT the tunes for the occa-
sioa, and he got them to eng Pop Goes the
when be was down-hearted, and solemn
music made him sad; and when they sung
that with tears in their eyes (becanse they
loved him, and his relations grieved around
he just laid there as happy as bug, and
over how much he enjoyed it; and pres
entity he got worked up and excited, and
tried 10 join in, for mind you, he was pretty
proud OF his abilities in the singing line;
but the first time he opened his mouth and
was Just going TO apread hi mself, his breath
took a walk. i never see q man snuffsd out
30 suuuen au, IL was SIeot ioS5 " 'his
poor little one-hQsse town. We'll, well well,
] amt got time to be palaver;ng along here
got 10 nail on the lid and mosey along
with him; and if you'll just give me a lift,
we'll skeet him into the hearse. and mean
der alone. Relations bound TO have il 20
don't pay no attention to diving ipjunctions,
minute corpse's gone; but if had my way
if didn't respect his last wishes, I'll he
Cuss'd consider that whatever . corpse
wants done for his comfort is little enough
matter, and a man amt got no right to de
ceive him or take advantage OF him; and
whatever 4 oorpee trusts TO me to do, I'm
going to do. YOU know. even il it, TO stuff
him and paint him WALLER, snd keep him for
a keeIsake-you hear me'"
He cracked his whip and went numbering
along with his ancient ruin of hearse, aud
l continued nv walk with = valuable les
son learned-that . healthy wholesome
ch.erfulness is not necessarily impossible to
any occupation. The lesson is likely to he
lasting, for il will take many months TO OBJ
ltsraie the memory Of the remarks and the
circumstances that Impressed them.