The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-03-12
ADVERTISING RATES.
FACTS AND FANCIES.

The reported rise In Havana ci-
gars will probably end i'm smoke.
What roof covers the most noisy
tenant? The roof of the mouth.
What is the keynote of good
breeding? B natural.
SO You're a queer CHICKEN as the
hen said when she Matched out a
duck.
why is a beelsteak like loco
motive? It's not of much account
without its tender.
Young ladies who are both hand
some and rich attract by their faces
and figures.
Farmers do not care how their
clothes are mended if they have good
potato patches.
Why is a hog good mathe-
matician? Because he is good on
"square root"
One time and two motions-when
a mother ut her toilet braids up her
hair and upbraids her heir.
"A Vermont gentleman has Just
obtained Il divorce from his wife on
the ground of intolerable severity.
"A genius is popularity said to be
one who can do everything except
make living.
There Is nothing that will change
a man so much as great grief, unless
1t is shaving off his moustache.
"A Western paper has long
article on "putty." The editor made
1t out of his own head.
Can downright good fellow be
an upright man? The experiment is
worth trying.
In pocket picking, as i'm every-
thing else, Il man never succeeds until
he gets his hand in.
"A New York State doctor gave a
woman acOnite to cure her deafness.
and since her funeral they can't find
him.
1t is difficult to explain intelligi-
bly, the process by which snow is
formed, but any one can see the drift
of the thing.
""How greedy you are, +" said one
iittle glrl to another, who had taken
the best apple on the dish, 81 was
going to take that"
According to the Lawrence Tri-
Dune, q doctor in that town has rem
edy for a scOlding wife. The prescrip-
ton is, 'elixir.
"A cOtemporary advertises "a
GOOD chance for Il live man, " evil
IDENTIFY thinking IL would he grave
error for dead one to apply.
"A malicious person says that
cotton sheets and newspaper sheets
are alike in the respect that q great
many people lie i'm them.
Some people don't know enough
to quit when they have said q good
thing, and others don't know enough
to say good thing before they quit.
An exchange says: "Keep an
eye out for the early resumption of
payment. To which southern
paper responds: "BOth our eyes are
already out looking for it, and SO are
our elbows.
"A lady had her dress trimmed
with bugles before going to a ball.
Her little daughter wanted to know
II the bugles would blow when she
danced. "Oh, no, said the mother,
"papa will do that when he sees the
bill"
True to his purpose in all things,
the last heard from Livingstone was
that he was about to "depart into
the interior" He was always de-
parting into the interior. He has
gone into the interior for good now,
we imagine.
"A New England boy seeking his
fortune in the West writes home that
he has joined three churches of vari-
GUS faiths, for he is persuaded that
this Is the way not only to secure the
patronage of the best people, but also
to have hand in all the fun that is
going on. Piety pays i'm the West,
and is popular.
"A lady made a complaint TO
Frederick the Great, King OF Prussia.
" Your Majesty, F." said she, "my
husband treats me badly" "That
is none of my business, said the
King. But he speaks i'll of you,
said the lady. THAT" said he.
lis none of your business. -
=" Fred" said father to his son.
T" | hear that you and your wife quar-
rel and wrangle every day; let me
warn you against such fatal prac-
tice. !" Whoever told you that father,
was totally mistaken-my wife and 1
haven't spoken to one another for a
month.
An old bachelor says that he has
known ladies i'm whom the instinct
OF decoration was SO strong, that if
they were told they must be hanged
in the presence of twenty thousand
persons tomorrow, their first thought
would be, "Oh, dear and haven't
a dress fit to be hanged imp