The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-12-18


tall actor, said, s'He's tall enough to
act in two parts.
A PHYSICIAN advised a patient to
take walk on an empty stomach. I"
"Whose stomach ?'' feebly asked the
patient.
SEvENTY-F1vE ladies of Rochester are
out in a card denying that they sleep in
their corsets in order to keep their
forms graceful.
THE difference between fool and a
looking-glass is said to be that the fool
speaks without rejecting, and that the
looking-glass reflects without speaking.
"MY dear sir" said a candidate, ac-
costing stray wag on the day of cleo
ton. st I am very glad to see you. ="
You needn't be" replied the wag,
" I have voted"
GLOW MUCH did he leave ?" inquired
death of a wealthy citizen. every
thing, responded the wag, 'she didn't
take dollar with him."
FIRST wife" Dear me, Mrs. Doyle,
have heard that your husband was a
spirit-medium is it SO ?" Second wife
=" Medium Goodness, yes. Comes
AOAAO NA AGA CFOAy AA5AS.
THE New York Commercial thinks
that the sneak thief who is obtaining
access to houses in Newark, by repre-
senting that he is to tune the piano,
must be one of the forte thieves.
A MICHIGAN farmer complains.tha he
is not receiving half the campaign
speeches this year necessary to light
his fires, and he has had to make a
shaving contract with cooper-shop.:
Now, JOHN, drive slow and keerful,
and don't run over any insurance
agents" was Will county Granger's
advice to his son the other day, in
sta ting him to town with load of
wheat.
AN excited railway man, who shouts
into the car the names of the stations,
and who hears great deal of complaint
because the names are called indistinctly,
wants to know if the public expect
tenors at $40 month.
A CoUNTRYMAN bargained with Cali
fornia photographer for a half-length
picture of himself at half price, and
when the artist delivered a fine view of
his subject from the waistband down,
the victimized sitter indulged in re-
marks more forcible than polite.
RICHARDSON, the painter, used to
speak of an open, honest country gen.
tleman who one day asked him to come
to his house, adding: 'I wish very
much to see you, for have just pur-
chased picture from Rubens. It is a
rare good one. Brown saw it, and says
it is copy. A copy! If any man iv-
ing dares to say it is copy, will
break every bone in his skin Pray
call on me and give me your opinion.
A COUNTRY exchange gets off the
following on delinquent subscribers
" Looking over an old ledger, we see a
long array of names of former SUBJ
scribers who are indebted to US. Some
of them have moved away, and are lost
to sight, although to memory dear.
Others are carrying the contribution
boxes in the most respectable churches,
and others again have died and are
angels in heaven, but they owe us just
the same"
SAYS the Boston Bulletin And
now the drawling 'Tha-a-nks' of the
languid swells has crept into the dry
goods stores so when lady hands her
currency to the brisk counter-iumper,
and he has yelled sca-a-sh' in rasping
voice into her very face half dozen
times, and raped on the counter till
her teeth are on edge, he unsettles her
digestion for the rest of the day by
handing her the change and drawling
FTha-a-nks' in vapid, easy, familiar
style, as it he had just finished waltz
with her. -