The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-10-23
FACTS AND FANcIEs.

/
ing in two tons of coal with basket.
If you wake up in the night in an
Italian hotel and shoot n burglar the
chances are that you can't see the land
lord next morning and that his wife Ia a
widow.
-"whom DO great men marry A"
asked an exchange. We can't say pos
itively, but the chances are that, like
their lesser brethren, they have married
women.
There's something sad, and yet
soothing and gentle, about harp when
thumbed by an italian boy whose face
hasn't felt clean water for four moons
and half.
Illinois women are so near-sighted
that they can't tell their husband from
a mule when ten feet away. In some
cases a long.sighted woman can't tell
the difference.
"A New Jersey clergyman says there
are about twenty different kinds OF reli-
| gion, but a man who won't wash and
shave and put on clean shirts can't en-
| Joy any of them.
A tomb in the Yazoo, Miss, GENE.
terry, bears this inscription
| "Here lies inferred PrHcillaBird,
| Who sang ON earth till siXty-two;
Now no on high, above the sky,
No doubt she sings like sixty, too
-" What you take your mother-in-laW
out shooting ? ;" says a French sports
man in one Of CHAINS pictures to an-
other sportsman. "Yee, is the reply,
"with a fve-dollar gun that ] have
presented her-there is no knowing
what may happen"
1t is stated upon good authority
that in the city of Philadelphia there
are 40, 900 men out of employment and
| 80, 900 in the rest of the state, and this
| in a rich state with splendid and well
developed agricultural, mining and
manufacturing interests.
-" Shaker girls don't speak TO Shaker
boys" says the Pittsfeld Eagle. "Isn't
there some boy here that you are Just a
| little fonder of than the others ?" is n
standing question in the confessional,
but the young Shaker always "naya."
If she "yeas she gets the sack.
An imperial decree has been isbued
! at Constantinople, making il imperative
for the faithful to repeat the prescribed
prayers five times n day. This is be-
cause Of recent severe fires in that city,
which are attributed 10 neglect OF this
duty. Maybe this is also what ails
Chicago.
ANYBODY who thinks that the good
old Revolutionary stock has run out
should be in Dover Of an evening and
hear mother call to her eighteen year
old son: "Tom-Thomas Jefferson
Duggs II you don't come in here this
minute I'll come out and start you with
this picket !"
Happy thought-that Of the fash
ionable school teacher, who, when asked
by pupil, Who is the present king
of Switzerland ?" said, "This is not
the hour, you know, when talking is
permitted. Ask me at the next session,
and will tell YOU" and then rushed
to the bookcase.
The Oswego Times stated the other
day that Mr.. Andrews boarded and
lodged with Mrs. Angeline Bliss, and
that lady writes Indignantly: 60 do
not know as you done IL 10 injure me
but il does and do not mean TO be run
pom by any one mr.. andrew never log
ed with me nor no other man."
Susan Jane must have been scantily
dressed when she was looking ont for
her lover and sang:
Hell come tonight; tho winds at rost,
The moon is full and fair;
I'll wear the dress that pleased him best--
ribbon in my hair"
An old gentleman went into the
Office of one OF the papers in ST. John,
N. B., the other day, and presenting a
slip cut from n London paper announc-
ing the death of person well-known in
st. John, asked TO have it inserted, "as
there are great many friends OF his
here who would like TO hear Of his
DEATH"
The "Irish team" who came all tho
way from Dublin 10 exhibit their skill
in rifIe-shooting, we're beaten by their
competitors at Creedmoor, recently.
The only visible chance for the eIiles Of
Erin to recover the lost honors, now, is
in persuading the visitors 20 submit 10
a competitive examination with shilla-
labs. The odds would be ten 10 one, in
the "pools," on their side, at that
game.
dear George, how sweet and
wavy that wheat is |" said q fair young
lady, looking languidly from a car win
dow. eyes, love, how beautiful y
says dear George, more intent on in-
sinuating his arm around I Eenty-four-
bone corset, chow like a-a-how like
a dweam !" Glow like oats I" retorted
a disgusted granger; "them's oats,
young man."
"A Milwaukee editor took front
seat in the parquetts at the Academy
of Music the other night, and when the
curtain went up there were cries OF
4" Put him out, \" Pin 'em back, "Flop
'em over his head, 1--WE can't see"
and similar CALCULATIONS. His ears were
unfurled, and they obstructed the view
of the play from the immense audience
present.
HAPPINESS is mostly n creature OF ac-
cident We never saw a happier man
than the one who popped the question
in the dark 10 the wrong won an, and
got rejected; excepting perhaps the
feeble creature who was drafted during
the late war, and came out OF the
with the remark,
" Whoop the doctor said he couldn't
take me. He said had the consump-
tion and wouldn't live six months.
And here's for n good time during the
six months, anyhow"
"A celebrated author says of /
we're to choose the people with whom
would spend my hours Of conversation,
they should be certainly such as lab0red
no farther than TO make themselves
readily and clearly apprehended, and
would have patience and curiosity 10
understand me. 10 have n good sense,
and ability TO express it, are the most
and necessary qualities in COM
panions. When thoughts rise in us ht
Tor us TO utter among familiar friends.
here needs but very little care in cloth
ing them"
"A diamond wedding, which, among
The Jews in Germany, is celebrated on
The sixtieth anniversary OF n marriage,
the other day in Hamburg,
he bridegroom being Herr Heilbut,
Who at six in the morning was conducted
Jy a committee 10 n synagogue, with
procession headed by q band Of music.
All along the route he was received with
,heers from spectators. All the digni
aries OF the city offered their congrat.
llations. Among the gifts 10 the bride
vas a Hebrew prayer.booE, magnih-
,ently bound, with large diamond set
n the cover, the gift Of the Empress Of
Germany, with a complimentary letter