Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-12-17
v.-i.si.. Of An s.rs.

4 The bored Of education-Child
who hate school.
Taunton perperrates the following :
Tenement 2 let"
An armless Milwaukee woman box.
les her husbands ears with her feet.
voluntary abduction is what Z
Western newspaper calls An elops-
ment
| When man calls you q liar, take
him BY the hand and call him-s
\ gentleman.
| When a boy becomes bent on going
to sea he should be straightened out
before the mast.
Henry Clay describes q mule as 'an
animal that has no pride of ancestry
aud no hope of posterity."
A man of considerable capacity
in Cincinnati, rs q man who can eat
his six or seven pounds Of pork day.
Two horns will last an OK q life.
time, but many a man wants thai
number every morning before breaF
fast.
The man who sang. "Oh breathe
no more that simple air." went into
the smoking car, where it was moro
mixed. r
A French preacher describes hell
rs a place where they talk politics all
day. What they do atnight he docs
not report.
Nothing will sooner tempt bache-
lor TO abandon his resolution to mar.
ry than to sleep in the adjoining room
to couple with colicky baby.
Somebody advertises preparation
for keeping a lady's hands free from
chaps. A report that she has no
money would do the same thing.
Miss Bacon, who lived out West,
knew Beans and married him. The
occasion is far too serious, however.
for the perpetration Of single one OF
those TOO palpable jokes.
a wag. in "what he knows about
farming" gives very good plan to
remove widows weeds. He says
good.looking man has only to say
wilt thou" and they wilt.
New York is disgusted at bashful
young clergyman who was reading
the Holy Scripture in this way:
"And Immediately the cock wept and
Peter went out and crew.
"When put my foot down. Ill
have you to understand" said Mrs.
Noioker, "that there's something
there" On investigation, it was
found to be a No. | | shoe.
The maddest kind Of a woman 10
one who spends o half hour in ar
ranging her toilet befole descending
to the parlor on the arrival OF a visitor
who proves b be book agent.
An Iowa father, who has succeed
ed in raising seventeen of the @orst
children in his neighborhood, says
he is bound to have representative
in Heaven if it takes seventeen more.
A couple of fellows who we're pret.
ty thoroughly soaked with bad whis-
key, got into the gutter. After
Aoundering;for some time, one OF them
said: lets go TO another hdcse,
this hotel leaks
Recent experiments with cats havo
proved that full developed tabby
can successfully evade the rapid APP
proach of two bootjacks, a bar OF cast.
lie soap, a pair of No. 10 Oboots, a gold
watch, a backing brush and horse
pistol.
Everything goes wrong says an
Illinois farmer, wiping his eyes. 'fhe
grasshoppers came, the hired men
broke his leg. wife died. the barn
burned, and I've nd for three days
and can't find woman who wants to
marry"
Mark Twain, few months after
his first baby was born, was holding
il on his knee. His wife said Now
confess. Samuel, that you love tho
child" 81 can't do that replied the
humorist, "but am willing TO admit
that respect the little thing for in
fathers sake
There's no music in "rest,' but
there's the making Of music in it.
And people are always missing that
part Of the life melody, always talk.
ing Of perseverance,, and courage. ard
fortitude but patience is the finest
and worthiest part of fortitude, ana
the rarest Rusktn.
"a weekly paper in IHinois des'
cribes the editor of the other paper
as "a bleareyed hitching post, 2 goat
faced gunny sack. a wart-eared bung'
hole for cider barrel, and plaster
cast for the poop deck Of canal
toat. There must have been deartn
of society news that week.
Never bet on a race horse, my son,
II is wrong to bet, and, besides, the
horse that ought to win Is likely, IN
nine out Of ten cases, to be Jockeyed
TO the rear. DO not bet at all, my
son. but, if you bet on hors. 3, get G. :.
ouainted with the riders in advance II
the contest. and see how the thing IS
coming out.
"Stranger, will you try hand with
ne at n,kere" "Thank you, gentle