The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-02-20
SPIdNTERs.

your ticket 70 lot yoa pas
through.
When bit of ostrich feather i
found by . wife In her husband
beard no one can blame her 70
being down on him. @
A Western paper is dead. Il
its last gasp it family whispered
1.-TWO hundred subscribers anG
only thirty-one. Of them paid up
/ -AyDetroit female of just twenty
i've was married to her fifth hus
band lately. All the gentlemen
are alive aud the first four ar
doing well.
An Embryo poet, who is Ger
tainly . close observer Of humaI
| nature, remarks: "Time marche
on with the slow, measured trea'
of q man working by the day."
An Iowa editor wrote: dur
ing the past week we have beel
visiting the Solons Of the country
and his constant subscribers thinl
that is 3 tunRy way to spell .sa
looms" -.
A good brother in DickertoWn
n. j., advertises in the local pa
per that he didn't set out his trees
for hitching posts for those whc
attezd the Methodist meeting
house.
A Boston man was cursing al
editor the other day when he fel
dead. Several similar instance
have been lately reported. MeT
should be careful in speaking o
anything sacred.
The impulsive clerk who acct
IDENTIFY deposits shovel of snow
down the back of the rural pedes
Crian, was in the drug store, Sat
urday evening, negotiating for :
bottle of liniment.
Quite a number Of young mer
in this city are attending q nigh
school, where Latin is taught
At least we judge so, as we saw :
crowd the other evening who haC
got as far as ''Hic."
Scotch keeper Ito young sports
man ).-"Ye haze shot a boy
Young sportsman.-"Good heav
ems! L. it possible? What shall
dor Keeper (immovable)-"G
him a shullin."
A sophomore says he canno
understand how any one possess
ing what is generally known as I
conscience can counterfeit five
cent piece, and put on the back o.
! it Sin God we trust"
In q California obituary it il
stated that "the deceased was 1
person of romantic nature. H,
placed the breech of his gun il
the fire, and looking down the
muzzle, departed hence instantan
eously."
1t is pronounced an ominouI
sigh when q man. who has beef
married scarcely twelve months
begins to betray an abnormal in
terest in the causes Of lock-jaw
Though Shakespeare positivel.
doth affirm it,
And to dispute It may not be discreet
Yet I cannot believe that which we cal
By any other name would smell a
wheat.
"If this jury convicts my client
said Missouri lawyer, rolling III
his sleeves and displaying his pom
derous fists, 81 shall feel compel
ed to meet each one and hamme
justice into his soul through hi
head"
| When Andover Theologics
Seminary called Moses Stuar
from the pastorate at New Haven
the loud cry OF the church wal
"He cannot be spared" DR.. Pol
ter replied, ga man who can b
spared we don't want"
The company raised for the col
quest OF Cuba at Angusta, Go
was very strongly Offered.
consisted of thirteen general
seven colonies, four captain
nineteen paymasters, twenty seve
quartermasters and one privat
The Danbury News states that
New Haven editor spent last SUI
day in SIawson and attende
church. When the contribution
box came around he was in
dose. but, on being nudged, hast
ly exclaimed, 81 have q pass"
/. A quarrelsome couple were di
cussing the subject of epitapl
and COMMISSIONERS, and the husbaI
said: "My dear, what kind OF
| stone do you suppose they v
/ give me when I dieT "BriI
!, stone, my love-" was the affectio
{ ate reply.
. A veteran observer says th
!; "Oid friends are like old boo
o We never realize how perfect
t they were fitted to us till they a
t cast aside, and others, finer a
e more stylish, perhaps, but cram
e ing and pinching in every corn
,. are substituted"
a The Indians have got q n
dodge. When they are thirs
= which is said to be quite frequeI
q ~, they go into a saloon in [
:" pere, Wis, and ask "Schnap
n haben" This always brings {
~ drink, as the saloon. keeper
;. bound to believe they are G
Il mans.
l. A "runner" for o MilWanl
e house, was, a few days ago, in
20 Crosse, anxious to get across
n river on the les, but was told
l was dangerous, so he got on
b hands and knees, and crawl
re across, having skiff ON the
" to get into in case the ice bro
in After hs had craWled about b
K way across, and was all tired &
discouraged, he heard . noise
hind him, and, thinking the
ne was breaking he got on his kne
Q. just as 9 load Of wood came
81 behind him. The ice was f
n thick, and some other runners
is PLAYED it on him. He is scar
ne ing for the fellow who told b
g. the ice was thin
- An instrument for observ
~ the altitude Of the sun has rece
: " been found under . stone n
m the harbor of Yalentia, Irels
od which il supposed to have belo
n ed TO one Of the two ships OF
"a Spanish armada, wrecked =
- that spot When discovered
- was enclosed In s case, which
~ being touched fell 20 pie
= TEe Rraduasione were very c