The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1874-06-26

mortal hours, each bent upon setting the
other down, Eliminating the while upon
their relative position. But it must be
| confessed that Mrs. Swallow had the best
| ofthe bargain, for independent of SolomOn's
mangled head, par-boiled neck and Shout
| ders, he saw as clear as mud, that the
watch dial and the crockery must be re-
placed so that the reducing of the first
chapter in his voluminous system to prac-
tice must be attended with an outlay of at
least twenty dollars. This being the case,
l might as well be hung for sheep as
lamb, thought he, and with that he softly
| rose from his chair, stole softly from the
room, and turned the key upon the gentle
Mrs. Swallow.
"Open the door this instant Mr.. Swal-
low"
"Not until have kept you here seven
days upon bread and water" returned the
victorious Solomon as he went his way re-
joicing.
But alas how fleeing is human great
Eess-in about half an hour he returned to
see how matters were going, but scarcely
put his eyes to the key hole, when he be-
gan roaring like bull, for Mrs. Swallow
had torn every one of his linen shirts, THAT
on his back excepted into pieces to make
a rope to let herself down from the window
nor was this all, for upon further examina-
ton, he discovered that she had also thrown
variety of chair cushions, bed linen, &C.,
into the dirty yard to make her descent
safe.
o, chop fallen Solomon Swallow!
The archives of the Swallow family are
silent as to the remaining occurrences, of
this eventful day, but on the very next morn
ing, about seven o'clock, Mr.. Swallow pop
ped his head from under the blanket, and
said "Mrs. Swallow, dear, isn't it time to
get up2"
Eyes," returned the lady, "and you may
call me when you have lit the fire and put
on the kettle"
Poor Solomon! There was no alterna-
tive. So he set about the work with an
alacrity which showed that he had the ter
ror of o broken head and demolished body
linen running strongly in his memory. In
short, Solomon was conquered man.
That he had to prepare breakfast, sweep
the room, etc. Then next, his assistance
was required in the rubbing OF the furni-
ture, and the making of beds; and before
the end of the week was initiated into the
mystery of washing towels
Degenerate Solomon Swallow Nay, in
after times when the Swallows began to
gather about him, it is whispered that his
better half used to employ him at yet more
deeply conjugal offices.
About five years after the celebration of
his nuptials, q friend called to see him.
"You must go with me to the theatre,
Mr.. Swallow" said the friend.
"He shan't," said Mrs. Swallow.
"He must" said the friend and so must
you.
II may, but he can't" replied the dame,
"for he must stop at home with the chill
dren."
And Mrs. Swallow did go to the play,
and Solomon stopped at home.
o, hen-pecked Solomon Swallow!
The moral of this authentic tale is that
bachelors wives and old maids children are
always excellent in theory, but as bad as can
be in practice-and that managed wife
is better than no wife at all. Had Solomon
only treated his better half decently in the
beginning things might have gone on
smoothly to the end, but as it was, he
compelled her to be Tartar in her own
defence, and he had to take the consc-
quence.