Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-10-30
H U " 0 r

Apropos of the Tyndall-Darwin theories,
comes in once Of General Schenck's latest
stories that he told the wife of a British
Cabinet officer who assured him that Eng
land made America all that she is" pa
don, madam said the general; ''you re-
mind me of the answer of the Ohio lad il
his teens who, attending Sunday school ftr
the first time, was asked by the teacher j,
who made you p Made me p Yes.
why, God made me about SO long (holdin
his hand about ten inches apart but
growed the rest"
A writer in the st. Paul PRESS tells
new story of Horace Greeley. Horace wrote
note to brother editor in New Yorl
whose writing was equally illegible with
his own. The recipient of the note mol
being able to read it., sent it back by the
same messenger to Mr.. Greeley for elucl
dalton. Supposing it to be the answer to
his OWL note, MI. Greeley looked over il
but likewise was unable to read it, and said
to the boy 600 take it back. What docs
the damned fool mean - Eyes, said tile
boy, s'that's just what he says"
At Ouch, Switzerland, a boatman pulled
out a man who tried to drown himself ii
the lake. Later he saw him hanging Oh i
tree, and left him alone to enjoy his ''fxed
idea.'' He summoned before a magistrate
for not preventing the suicide, and said ht
thought the gentleman had hanged himself
up to dry.
We find the following item in an Illinois
paper: "Mr. -, who has been in retire
ment for few weeks after marrying an
burying three sisters, came up smiling t.
the altar again, yesterday, having begun OIL
a new family.''
A touching obituary Of an eminent citi
zen Of a neighboring village concludes a
follows: "With the exception Of the fac
that twenty years ago he took lessons OF
the fiddle, his life was blameless.'
II you want to realize the heights t.
which femme eloquence can mount, g
home and find your wife in company wit
a table covered with jars of canned fruit
in cloth.
A systematic gentleman of Massachu
setts has just been united in wedlock to
young lady whom he has been training TO
the position of his wife ever since she wa
two years old. Happy mortal
A New Hampshire liquor dealer s.
posted up in his shop ''Children undel
ten years Of age will not be allowed to &c
drunk On these premises unless accompan-
led by their parents"
The stupid item abont lady who wears
a hustle made out of railroad bonds has
been widely circulated. If the bonds l.,
Union and Pacific their introduction int
family cannot be objected to.
Now is the time when the fly crawls
about, chilled and dispirited, and one is
irresistibly impelled to pity him and drop
paper-weight on his back.
''Pat, Jim didn't quite kill you with the
briczbat, did he ~ ''No; but [ wish he
had.'' ''Why so? % $50 that could have
had him hung, the villain
Quilp, who has heretofore been Uni
versalist, now thinks there are two things
destined to be eternally lost-his umbrella.
and the man whe stole it.
''Has the Republican party finished it's
work ?'' is conundrum which the Chic 90
Times answers in this wise ''Possibly not.
But it's work has finished it,
A French physician announces the the
DRY that crying is healthy for children -
Many babies appear to be of the same
opinion.
A Dubuque man offers to go out PRAYING
with the sick at three dollars per day. aud
adds Cor l will drive team, break colts.
run cider mills"
A little boy heard his mother tell Of
eighteen head of cattle being burnt the
other night. 'sWernt their tails burnt
also 20 he inquired.
1t is considered funny at Yale to put
red shirt and stove-pipe hat on the statue
Of the president of the college.
A Detroit policeman's name is Sta 90
Nor do the other members of the force oh
ject to taking horn occasionally.
Comets are not interesting in general.
but in detnl. Accent on the last sylla-
BILE.
Why are clergymen like railway porters ?
Because they do good deal of coupling.
A man in Cincinnati ADVERTISING for
situation says: "Work is not SO much an
object as good wages"