Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-03-06
II UNI e.

ODD Fellow. lie has q WlIe, Mis-. otIapS,
and three little Strabses, the youngest a
female babe of tender months, whose name
is Rebecca. Strabs, pater, went to his
lodge down town 'tother night to help to
initiate several chaps. They had a jolly
time, and when Strabs got home he felt
like half a dozen fellows. He wanted to
talk. but Strabs, mater, who was IN bed,
snored louder than her usual wont, II he,
per force, crawled in without relieving his
mind. for which his legs were extremely
grateful. Next morning Strabs leisurely
strolled into the dining-room. where his
ssole'ady," as he affectionately titled her,
was experimenting breakfast. The silence,
for five minutes was oppressive, only bro-
ken by the sizzling of the steak on the
stove. Baby Strabs laid in the crib close
by, growing beautifully. A happy thought
struck Strabs. "Ole'ady, you'd better
come down an take the Rebeccy degree"
Mrs. Strabbs gave him one glance OF min
gled contempt and anger, then nodding her
head at the crib, remarked with the full
strength of her woman's nature and tongue:
"Strabs, Itook one Rebecca degree several
months ago, and I don't banker after any
more!" Strabs moseyed.
Citizen: "Well you see how it is your
self, Mr.. Plumber. The girl left the laun-
dry-room window open, thermometer rose
to zero, water-pipe froze, then burst, and
as no n knew how to shut off the plaguey
thing. the water ran half the night"
Plumber "Yes, l see; very bad break;
wants new plumbing throughout; misera-
BILE pipes throughout-wonder it didn't
happen long ago."
Citizen: "How much is it going to cost
to plumb up in good shape, including ten
ders p"
Plumber: "Well, Idon't know but l
think 1 will take the house in part pay
ment.
DEFYING II BUzzARDs.-A fellow
who was in the habit of getting drunk
whenever he went to town, in returning
home one day, fell from his horse and was
quiet as though dead. A buzzard spied
him, flew round and round, and lighting
near, hoped up and picked his nose, which
aroused the fellow a little. The bird
stepped up and struck him again this
brought one eye open, and seeing his posi-
ton and that the bird thought he was dead,
he wreathed his lips with drunken scorn.
and looking the bird squarely in the face,
said sYou needn't be so id smart I'm
not SO dead as you think I am"
An exchange says: "Does hanging pre-
vent murder ~ We hate to tackle a CO.
nundrum of iskind, but urprivate opin-
ion is that it does prevent it. There is not
a case on record Of a person committing
murder after he has been successfully
hanged. This style Of treatment appears
to reform them in some way.
When the news of Livingston's death
reached Danbury, one of the employees in
this office announced THE painful event to
q fellow-workman, and coupled it with the
natural, but in this case somewhat embar-
RAISING inquiry, "Are you going to the flu
ner al?1-Dambary Nevs. :
A man in South Hero, VT, who had a
gun which scattered shot badly, saw an ad-
vertisement i'll a city paper Offering to send
information of a method of preventing
such scattering for 50 cents. He forward
ed the money, and received instruction
.sto put in only one shot"
tHow old is your mamma? ~ asked a
o ve-smitten old bachelor Of the daughter
Of the widow who had enchanted him. II
don't know, sir mas age varies from for
ty-three to twenty-five" was the artless
reply, and the bachelor was d~isenchanted.
One of Mr.. Hammond's converts saws
Before, when / made the fire Of mornings.
used to swear, but now / sing.'' The st.
Louis Republican asks: "Wonder which
he would do if some one poured water on
the kindling.
An Indiana man with a turn for statis-
tics calculates that his faithful dog. ten
years of age, has cost him 1924. 25 for hash
and 1926 for license. The dog is now for
sale. Price, 10 cents.
"Dried tongue" was the answer which
a minister, just going out 10 s'~exchenge.''
gave some one who asked him what he had
in his carpet-bag-which contained seye-
raj sermons.
There is no telling what that intelligent
~coroner's jury will do next, since it has in
dicted a Connecticut man for shooting his
wife, whom he, upon honor, "mistook for
n stray cat"
A debating society in WestmorelanG
county find it impossible to decide "wheth-
Ell an untidy woman with a sweet temper is
to be preferred to a tidy with a sour
temper"
A Mississippi paper needs the services of
a new editor. The last one went out with
a revolver to uphold an editorial, and he
returned in a wheelbarrow, with a blanket
over him.
A Wisconsin clergyman has been found
guilty by a church council of mot always
handling the truth with sufficient careful
ness to meet the demands Of veracity."
"Where are you going % asked a little
boy of another, who had slipped on an icy
pavement. "Going to get up ~ was the
blunt reply.
Vermont has young lady six feet seven
inches high, and when a young man sue
ceeds in kissing her they say he is agone
up"
The man whose hair turned white in a
single night is surpassed by a Boston girl
who lost hers completely in one dance.
~ can always tell water when l see it.u
remarked Toddyblossom the other day; sit
looks 80 much like GIN"