The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1874-02-13

A certain man has watch which be
says has gained enough to pay for itself
in six months.
When bit of ostrich feather is found
BY wife in her husbands beard. no one
can blame her for being down on him.
A Western paper is dead In its last
gasp it family whispered. Two hundred
subscribers, and only thirty-one oc them
paid up"
An embryo poet, who is certainly a
close observer of human nature, remarks:
Time marches on with the slow, mea-
sured tread of man working BY the
day."
Andrew Jackson was accused of bad
spelling. but John Randolph defended
him by declaring that "a man must be a
fool who could not spell words moro ways
than one"
A good brother in Deckertown, N. j..
advertises in the local paperthet be didn't
set out his trees for hitching- posts for
those who attend she Methodist meeting
| house.
A Boston man was cursing an editor
the other day when be fell dead. Sever.
al similar instances have been lately re.
ported. Men should be careful in speak
ing Of anything sacred.
The impulsive clerk who accidentlly
deposits shovelfnl of snow down the
back of the rural pedestrian, was seen in
the drug store, Saturday evening, nego-
tiating for bottle of liniment.
Quite number of young men in this
city are attending nigh. school, where,
Latin is taught. At least We Judge 90,
as We saw croud. the ether evening who
had got as fsr as ''Hic'
Scotch keeper Ito young sportsman.
-"Ye haze shot boy" Young sports
man. Good heavens Is it possible !?
What shall do?" Keeper (immovablel.
-"Gie him a shullin."
Domestic young lady (making pie).-
Frank, the kitchens no place for BOYS.
Has dough such an attraction for you ?''
Clever Youth. 1t isn't the dough.
cousin it's the dear"
A sophomore says he cannot under
stand how any one possessing what is
generally known as conscience can
counterfeit hve-cent piece, and put on
the back oft In God we trust"
slept in editors bed last night
When no editor CHANGED to be nigh
And though as tumbled that editors nest
How easily editors lie.
The world never harms Christian
so long as he keeps it out of heart. Temp
tation is never dangerous until it has an
inside accomplice. Sin within betrays
the heart to the outside assaiIaut.
In California obituary it is stated
that 1.-The deceased was person of 70.
mantle nature. He placed the bre ech
of his gun in the FIRE, and, looking down
the muzzle, departed hence instantane.
ously"
OF course London is ringing with sto-
rles of the adventures which han.oened
during the fog, one of which is worth
quoting: An old gentleman who had
some business at Charing Cross made his
way a. far as the strand, but there com.
pletly lost himself. He crept slowly on
and on, without the least idea of where
he was going, until he found himself des-
cendlngssome Steps. On these steps he
plumped against u man who was coming
up them. Halo, said the old gentle
man. Halo" said the man. Can
you te1 me, said the old gentleman,
where am going to- Yes" said
the man; If you go straight on you will
walk into the river; for I've just come
out of it.
eff this jury convicts my Client" said
a Missouri lawyer, rolling up his sleeves
and displaying his ponderous fists. I
shall be compelled to meet each one and
manner justice into his soul through his
head.
The company raised for the conquest
OF Cuba at Augusta, &C. was very strong
ly differed. 1t consisted of thirteen
generals. seven colonies, four captains.
nineteen paymasters, twenty-seven quar-
termasters and one private.
The Dunhury Neeos states that New
Haven editor spent last Sunday in Slaw-
son and attended church. When the
contribution box came around he was in
a dose, but. on being nudged, hastily ex-
claimed. 4 have a pass"
A Quarrelsome couple were discussing
the subject of epitaphs and tombstones,
and the husband said My dear, what
kind nj a s.one do vo,, supnoe, tbar ill