The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-12-11
The Turkey Did 1t.

gentleman is deficient in the organs Of
self-esteem, hope, and language. and
finds himself overwhelmed with emo
ton, these homely phrases convey bet
ter idea of his general appearance and
bearing than lies ID the power of more
stately periods.
Mr. Carroll Boosterlonger did not
look precisely like stuck pig. for he
was good-looking fellow, nor like a
diving duck, nor like cat in a strange
garret but if you will mix them all to-
gether, and add mild flavor of insani-
ty, with just the faintest suggestion of
the deaf and dumb asylum, you will
have tolerably fair idea of his express
sion. his mise e1a-sce9ae (if the phrase is
not preposterous, as we fear it ISL
whenever he found himself in the
presence of certain supernatural be-
ing, who, for some good and wise pur-
pose, no doubt, vas living on this earth
with her uncle in New Jersy.
It does not matter much what the
color of woman's eyes may be, nor
what the color of her hair, the shape of
her nose, nor the size of her mouth,
provided she has white teeth and q
clear complexion-the angels have not
all straight noses, and Cupid will kill a
man with couple of green eyes just as
easily as with pair as black as bullets
and as big as plums.
Why, zee ourself, the historian, have
walked off Fulton Ferry boat with
broken heart at the transient glimpse of
an edition of Paradise MisLo5d, in blue
and gold, and, returning on the same
boat. stepped off the other end in a
state of despair over hair and eyes as
black as midnight thunder-clouds.
So it does not matter much about
complexion. But merely as a fact we
may state that the being of whom we
are speaking had well developed, brown
eyes, tawny hair, with slight metallic
lustre, mouth that looked like rasp-
berry stain, nose that the Irish poet
describes as sublime, and a lot of white
teeth.
Mr.. Carroll Boosterlonger was in the
habit of revolving round this heavenly
body in silent, tedious alteration.
His brain was seething with sublime
thoughts, his heart bursting with emo
tions but his tongue would utter no
sound, save to express the most trivial
and commonplace ideas.
| He was suffering from kind of spir-
| itual nightmare, and would have blessed,
thrice blessed, any person who would
! have aroused him.
It was the night before Thanksgiv-
ing, and Mr.. Boosterlonger was hover
! Cd1llHR
| Miss Jones, as usual. The family were
seated round the room variously occu-
pied, when Johnny Jones. a boy of con-
siderable vlvaclty, entered the room,
and walked at once up to his grand
father, who, though he was reading the
newspaper, was asked whether he would
like to see turkey.
The old gentleman had seen good
many turkeys in his time, and did not
feel any pressing necessity at the
moment to witness the exhibition John
ny suggested, and-so he said. But then
Johnny wanted to know whether <he
would like to see a great big turkey
that weighed over fifty pounds.
The old gentleman would not commit
himself-old gentlemen don't like, and
| very properly, too, to commit them
selves by asserting to propositions.
Then Johnny asked his sisters, who
| gave evasive answers, and then he asked
his aunt, the celestial one, and she
pooh-poohed the idea, to which Johnny
retorted that she no doubt preferred 8
hundred pound goose, and then burst
into rude laugh.
Mr. Boosterlonger felt that here was
a sarcasm leveled at him, and he burs
into cold sweat.
Now. although no one, save hi
grandmother, had betrayed an interest
in Johnny's turkey, Johnny said h'
would go out and get it.
He was gone long time, and ever,
one had forgotten all about his PROPOSE
ton save Mr.. Boosterlonger, who sat 81
, lent, cataleptic, and perspiring, brood
ing over the carcass of the goose, whel
the door was flung suddenly wide open
! and curious shutting was heard on tn
!. floor, accompanied by the peculiar got
bic, gobble of a turkey.
Every one jumped up and stoo
amazed at the spectacle of a most e.
traordinary bird slowly strutting int
the room.
It looked more like turkey, perhaps
: than any other domestic fowl, but les
like turkey than any turkey eve
9 looked before.
: Tt was a long-backed, trailing
9 wretched, unnatural creature, with
o most unhealthy chuckle-a very nigh
:. mare of a bird-such q creature &
a might appear to the guilty conscient
u of some wretch who had stolen b
Thanksgiving dinner
L But, oh | what blessing was th
horrid bird to poor Boosterlonger Fl
g when the celestial Miss Jones saw I'll
1t inscrutable thing, she gave one shr
% cry and tainted then Boosterlong
Is caught her in his arms, bore her to Il
sofa, sprinkled her with water, and Il
le the waters of his e1oquence were loose
"a He called her by endearing names, e
treated her not to die, and poured 0
T, the pent-up torrent of his love.
u She slowly revived, heard the 1arder
s. eloquent words lavished on her witho
Is stint. She pressed his hand, rest
;, her head on his shoulder, and sobbet
'sOh, dearest Carroll
y It was all right now! The turk
W had done it s! No cards.
= P. S.-Yes, but how about th
or strange bird, the abominable turkA
er Well, yes. we had well-nigh forgott
81 that. The turkey was composed of
nucleus of Johnny, covered with gr
70 shawl, on which were fastened, in tn
"a "a appropriate places, the head, claws q
70 wings of the real, bona .Jfde turke
~ ~ which cook, in the kitchen, was p
Nc pairing for the Jones Thanksgiving d
90 ner,
an P. P. S.-Carron Boosterlonger a
the heavenly body partook heartily
the turkey.
N. B.-Johnny had the merl
re thought, or wishing bone, or whateN