National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1874-04-23
HUAOR.
Lead astray-bullets that don't hit the

| Lead astray-bullets that don't hit the
/ mark.
A Detroit paper, noting the fact that man
fell down dead while combing his hair, says
"And yet there are people who VIII persist in
that dangerous habit" z 44 q. 20 zE
On Wea prairie, near Lafayette, Ind, Is q
little hut four feet high, with forty-foot light
ming rod on it. The proprietor, being asked IL
he was afraid of the lightning, replied: "Not q
bit; but It keeps those cussed lightning-rod fell
lows from striking"
"Don't prevaricate, sir" Numbered Co.
lumbiad Judge to 9 witness from the mine.
Can't help fl, Judge" answered the miner
Ever since got a kick from mule that
knocked my teeth out preyaricate a good
deal"
Johnny, walking with his mother In the
country, the other day, and spying some black
and-white spotted pigs lying down by the road
side, gravely inquired If they were coach pigs.
An IIlinoisian wrote to Horace Greeley sew
eral times, asking him what was good for
catarrh, and finally Horace got out of patience
and replied, Chop your id head off,"
Nothing" said an impatient husband,
reminds me so much of Balaam and his ass
as two women stopping in church and obstruct-
ing the way to indulge in their everlasting
talk" But you forget, my dear, !" returned
the wife, meekly, "that it was the angel who
stopped the way, and Bslssm and his ass who
complained of It,"
An inebriated individual precipitated himself
down the depot stairs, and, on striking the
landing, reproaehfully spostophised himself
with: "If you'd been wanting to come down
stairs, why didn't you say SO, you wooden
headed old fool, an "a come with you, an
showed you the way" '--.'
Nohh,. /tr .kotoIu >.
his legal are5MMaEn ye mn for 1aa f Sin mn
doubt !" Swell: (not exactly catching The re-
mark)-"Ehf Cabby: "You're layin' by q
good bit o. money, sir, I'll be boundw Sven:
Indignantly What d'you mean sirf Cabby:
"Why, you don't spend much, seemin'ly ?,
Punch. ~
While youthful couple were being Joined
in wedlock in Justices court In New York
recently, the damsel rather astonished num-
b er Of spectators by suddenly breaking out
W ith, 81 want TO know whether we are going
to keep house or board, before going into this
thingW The judge ruled the question out Of
order, and the ceremony proceeded.
In Msrysville, CAL, the other day, New
foundlsnd dog walked into market, dropped
q 10-cent piece out of his mouth and walked of
with whole salmon. The butcher says some
folks may call that dog Intelligent but he thiaks
that dog that can't distinguish between
l0-cent slice and IS fish hasn't got even CON-
mon sense. ~
Papa had made several unsuccessful at
tmptsto procure tickets for recent popular
Entertainment at the Boston Museum. Coming
hnme disappointed one evening, he announced
Q his wife that there were no seats for ssLittle
Comfy that night, and he didn't believe there |
would De for aweek, ct least. Mamei's quick |
were enlisted at once. "Why Lot, |
'apai' she inquired, compassionate ly. aWont
her 6arra kt her sit downln
As q travelling party were riding through
'alestine the attention Of certain American
was called to the reputed seat of doses, tomb. |
Moses whoP says Jonathan. ssWhy the great
Noses who led the Children Of Israel throue h |
he desert for forty years." "How far is thatP'
Three hundred miles, msype." Upon which i
he American remarked< 1.-THE Chicago and
Northwestern would have taken 'em through.
guess, IN eight hours"