, 1874-04-05
HUM0R.

An exchange says woman's sphere is mar
rage. we never san one yet that had any fear
about it. -.
ence until 1880, explaining to them the good
results Of going to bed promptly st g.
The new volcano is said to be like Spanish
beauty, because 'it is lovely crater, privileged
to smoke"
most likely to become voman7 Why, ittle
girl, of cou1ss.
a Maine woman has hair feet aud inches
long-too long to be available for use in butter.
"A New jersey tobaccoulet, with comuendable
frankness, advertises: I shall continue to keep
on hand imported cigars OF my own nanufae-
ture.
Tho Danbury philosopher observes that the
p!acidity OF expression worn by man who ls
'snoxt n in full barbers shop cannot be coun-
terfeited.
Temperance gent Ito Intoxicated barber):
I" Bad thing for shaving, whisky" Barber:
:" Yes. eah. 1t makes tho skin kind Of tender;
but will take great care, sah." -.
They were going to put man ont OF San
Francisco theatre for creating disturbance.
when voice cried " He's all right he's killed
a Chinaman !" and they let the man a1one.-Dc-
trou Free Press.
Here is the latest chrome dodge. A preacher
sup country Offers to every person who shall
Of - an elegant chromo." Maybe that is put
ting premium on the habit OF sleeping in
church
"A Delaware man has been taking cod-1iyer
oil for four years to cure the consumption, and
has lust found out that he never had any con-
sumption. He is the maddest man in America,
and his children haven't said Il boo" in week.
Pence is preserved in household in Elka-
der, H., by q long Witty hide hung up in the
bedroom of the juvenile portion, Of tue family,
bearing upon it's handle thelegend, Boy5, please
be kind to your mother:
-"Soms men die and never think Of their
families, and some don't. 4 New JcraeY farm
er's last words we're: Eth bet $40 Johnu for
get to grease that democrat wagon"
a young poet in the Western States sent to
3 local paper q 1ove-poem beginning, Regeel,
berc. the .oadgic spell" The editor answered
that i he liked to call at the office he should
have the run Of the dictionary for few hours.
night last week with look Of despair on his
manly countenance. ''What's the matter?"
asked his father. "Oh!" gasped the young
man, *"ahe ate strawberry Ice and she wore
scarlet ribbon' b What taste IN eol0fs' MY heart
Punch considers it literary coincidence and
q special fitness of things that tho author Of
"Jhe Complete Angler" should also be the BIZ
ographer of the great Hooker.
a paper in Nebraska, under the head Of q An
hour with our business men," describes two
saloons, and ends the item with the remark,
"Thls completes the rcand Of the business
houses on the public square"
Murder ie very serious thing, cir, Baid
an Arkansas Judge to q convicted prisoner; sit
is next to stealing horse or mule slr, and
shall send you to the State Prison for six years,
Br."
"A Virginia railroad was made to pay S15 for
killing rooster. The engineer said he spoke to
the ccntleuan with the whistle IS kindly as pos
sible, but when the fellow dropped one wing on
tie ground, raised his good ego heavenward,
and commenced whetting his spur on the rail,
forbearauce ceased to be virtue, and he lit into
him with thirteen freight cars. and forwarded
him to his happy scratching ground BY lightning
express.
"A fine distinction was that the preacher OF
the Richmond First Baptist Church made - My
brudders," said he, "when yon was all slaves
dar might ha' been sense for cuttln' slice oil
do marsr's bacon, or hookin' handful O corr
meal, OF Robin do hen-roost; for you all work
hard den, my bzudders, and ycu earn it, nv
brudders and eiatets. But now you is all free
men dar ein't no scuse whatever; 5ou's all On
yer own spousibiiity."
III cremation comes in, the Philadelphia
Ledoer will have tn produce new style OF obltu-
ary verse. The following has already been sug-
gested:
The boat Of heraldr,,
The pomp Of power.
And all that beauty,
All tha: wealth eer knew;
Await alike the inevitable hour
The path Of glory leads but to the h1s.
IT And this ia al that's left Of theo
Thou fairest Of earths daughters;
Only four pounds OF ashes whtte
ont OF one hundred and fourteen and thres-quhr-
terB.
Rhode Island girls are not wanting u the at
of gently insinuating that, like Barkis. they're
viliin'." It was only recently that lady, walk
lng one evening underth classic shades Of Brown
University, overheard the following conversation
between . young lady and gentleman just in
front of her, Charley d,d you ever hea1 Il
ei5q cover Inn and put t IN their shoe, tho arat
With would be their husband OF wife :"
!: Ko-,,e7er heard Of it BEFORE" "WeH,
I found one and put It IN my enoe tnls
walked With. i wonder it it is true?" There
could be but one answer to this, but the unin-
tentiornl ea7esdropper does not mention 1t,