Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-08-14

lts meaness form. He drew . picture OF Mr..
purse, shattered 4 his family, where he would
have otherwise found refuge, and ~ the
same time looking upon me out OF his
friends. most popular, and with ample means.
ne drew the picture OF my prosperity, over
flowing and aeounding, and Of Tilton
cited; indeed I felt that my mind was In danger
Of giving way. walked mp and down the room
POURING iotth my heart in the moet unres.rsined
grief and bitterness Of self accusation, telling
what ny ideas were OF the obligation OF friend-
chip and OF the sAcredness Of the household,
iSs y iSasgt 10r s An n ,Ss nons, say
motely, OF that which then beheld, 4 never
could forgive myself. and hesping all the blame
upon my head. The case, ~ it then appeared
70 my eyes, WAS strangely against me. MY Old
fellow worker had been dispossessed OF his emf
nent place and influence, and had counseled
IL His family hsd weil,nigh been broken no,
and had advised At His wife had been long
sick and broken In health and body, And T. a.
I fully believed, hsd been the cause of All this
Friendship which had beguiled her heart ana
had raised her husband q iuto q fury OF ieAloney.
although not caused by any intentional act OF
mine. And should L coldly defend myselfP
should I pour indignation upon this lsayY
should hold her up TO contempt As having
thrust her affections upon me unsOught2
In their great adversity2 | gave vent % my
feelings without measure. I disclaimed, with
the greatest esrnestness, any intent 90 harm
Theodore in his home or his business, aud, with
ineNpressible sorrow, 1 both blamed and de-
Tended Mrs. Titon in one breath.
NOULToN As MEDIATOR.
Mr.. Noulton was apparently affected by nv
soliloquy, for IL wS that rather than CONVEX
sstion. He said that n Mr.. Tilton could really
be persuaded Of the friendliness OF my feelings
toward him be was sure that there would be no
trouble in procuring q reconciliation. \ gave
him leave 20 state 90 Theodore nv feelings. He
proposed that i should write = letter. I de-
clined, but said that he could report our inter
view. He then prepared % make q memOran-
dun OF the talk, and sat down At my table aud
took down. a. 1 supposed, a condensed repOrt
OF my tan, for ! went on still pouring out my
wounded feelings over this great des0latiou in
Mr.. TIltons family. It was not a dictation OF
sentence after sentence, he q mere amanuensis
putting into his own shape parts of that which
L was saying In my own manner. with prOfuse
explanations. This paper Of Mr.. MoultOn's
Ss sn %f In seenS soTtS Sr to Re a,ea
contains matter and points derived from me Is
without doubt, but they were put into sentences
by him and expressed A. he understood them, not
as my, but az hints OF my, figures and letters, 70
be used by him In conversing with Mr. riltOn.
THE SWISH WAS DEAD" LETTER.
He did not read the paper 70 me, nor did
read IL; nor have ever seen 10 or heard IL read
that ] remember until the publication OF Mr.
Tiltons recent documents; and DOW, rea fling IL,
see in IL thoughts that point 20 the matter OF
those my sentences, nor Is IL q correct report OF
what I said. II is q mere string OF hiuts' hssti-
ly made mp by an Impractical writer as help 90
TO bis memory, in representing 20 Mr.. TiltOn
how felt toward bic FAMILY. III more than this
be claimed; IL n be set forth in any proper
sense my letter. 1 then disOwn Il aud denounce
it. Some Of its sentences, and particularly that
in which am made 70 say obtained Mrs. TIL
tons forgiveness, / never could have said i'm
substance. hsd not obtained nor asked any
forgiveness from her, and nobody pretended
that had done so. Nither could I ever have
said that BUNDLED myself before Tilton As be-
fore God, except In the sense that both 70 God
and t. the man j thought 1 had deeply
injured, 4 humbled myself, ss certainly dii.
But IL is useless to anRlyze q paper prepared as
this WAS. The remainder Of NV plain state
ment concerning IL will be its best comment.
This document was written upon three separ-
ate half sheets OF large letter paper.
After n was finished Moulton asked me II
would sign IL. / said no. IL was not my letter.
He replied that il would have more weight m
would in some way indicate that he was au-
thorized 20 explain MY sentiments. took my
pen, and At some distance below the writing,
and upon the lower margin, indicated that I
committed the document in trust TO Mr.. MOul-
ton, and 1 signed the line thus written by me.
A few words more as 20 its further fate. Mr..
houlton, OF his own accord, said that, afte-
using IL, he would, in two or three DAYS. '. lnR
the memorandum back 20 me, and ae cau-
toned me about disclosing in am way thas
there was difficulty between Mr.. riltOn AMI
myself, as IL would be Injurious TO TiltOn 60
have il known that had GuaTreled with him.
as well az 10 me 20 have rumors set snoAt. 4
-
year afterward.
When Tilton began to write up hts case, ana
was looking up dCcGments, ] wondered what
wss ia the old memorandum, and desired 90
see il for greater certainty. So one day sud-
denly asked MOultOn for that memOrand am,
and ssid, ''You promised TO return il 70 me-"
He seemed confused for q moment, and said,
"Did Il" Certainly" 4 answered. He re-
piled that the paper had been DESTROYED. GA
my putting the question again be said that the
paper was burnt mp long ago; and during the
next two years, in various Conversations, OF
his own accord, he spoke OF e as destroyed.
! had never asked for nor authorized the de-
stIuctiOn OF this paper, but WAS not allowed
20 know that the document was in existence
until distinguished editor in New York,
within few weeks past, assured me that Mr..
MoultoD bad shown him the original, aud that
he had examined my signature 10 be sure OF IL
geruness. ! know there was a COPY OF II since
this statement was in preparation. While re-
jeCted this memorandum as my work, or an &C.
curste condensation Of my statement, it does IN
dOubtedly correctly represent that was in pro-
found sorrow, and that blamed myself With
great severity for the disaster OF the Tlton fam
ily. had not then the light thst ] nov have.
There was much then that weighed heavily on
my heart and conscience which now weighs
only OIL my heart. 1 have not the light which
analyses and dscriminates. By one blow there
opened before me q revelation fun OF anguish:
an sgonized family, whose inmates had been
my friends, greatly beloved, ruined in worldly
prospects, the household crnmblinS to pieces,
the woman by long sickness aud suffering either
corrupted 10 deceit, ~ her husband alleged, or
either way IL was her enthusiasm for her pastor
as was made TO believe, that ~as the germ aud
beginning Of the trouble. IL was for me 70 have
forestalled and prevented that mischief. M
age and experience in the world should have
put me on my guard. would not, AZ that time,
tell what was true OF all considerations ursei
upon me by Mr.. Tilten and Mr.. MOultOn.
THERE WAS GULF BEFoREME
in which lay those who had been warm friends,
and they alleged that had helped 20 plunge
them therein. That seemed enough TO an my
soul with s0rrow and anguish. and no mother
who has lost a child but will understand the
wild self-accusation that grief produced, against
all reason blaming herself for such things she
did not do and for what she neglected TODD and
charging upon herself, her neglect, or needless
ness, the death OF the child, while ordinarily
every one knows that she has worn herself out
with assiduites. Soon after this I met TiltOu
At Moulton's house. Either MoultOn was sick
or was very late In rising, for he was In bed.
The subjectOf my feelings and conduct toward
Tilton was introduced. made a statement OF
the motives under which had acted in coun-
selling Bowen; OF my feelings in regard 20 I'll
toms family, dsclaiming with horror the thought
Of wrong, and expressing desire % do what
ever lay IN human power to remedy any evil
had occasioned and 70 reuDite bis family. Til