The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1874-11-06
PAoTs AND FANoIEs.

The naturally sluggish man never
gets thoroughly aroused until the time
comes to write his mother-in-law's epi-
taph.
No man can read about all these
burglaries without a determination 90
have his wife sleep on the front side Of
the bed.
If life insurance companies had
been in business in Paleptine az tho
time, wouldn't MeihusHlah have been q
healthy risk-lle policy, for instance,
annual premium from his twentieth 10
his 999th year
An excited railway man who shouts
into TIE cars the name Of the station,
and who hears a great deal OF complaint
| because the names ara called iudistiuCi-
", wants TO know II the public expects
tenors at forty dollars a month.
An excited railway man, who shouts
| into the cars the names of the station,
and who hears a great deal OF complaint
| because the names are called indistinct-
| ly, wants TO know If the public expects
tenors at forty dollars a month.
A young man has been arrested in
New York for sleeping in a standing po-
sition. He would stand on the street
for hours at sttetch, with his eyes
| closed, and not move a muscle. IL is
hereditary. His father was policeman.
In view of the prevalence Of birds
on ladies' hats, this season, wouldn't
some milliner make n fortune by put
ting on the brim OF hat a whole poul-
try yard, with a horse looking at It
through a stable Window We charge
nothing for the suggestion.
A keen-witted servant girl told tho
milkman the other day that he gave his
cows too much salt. "How do You
know that ?" said the lnctoalist. Sure
kin tell by the milk 2At they drink
too much water entirely y said the girl.
The milkman drove of in hurry.
The British museum recently be-
came possessed Of jacinih, n precious
stone of exceeding rarity. The Hpcci-
men is no larger than pea, and, says
the London Times, flashes and glows
with lustre which seem TO denote
tho presence Of FIRE and flame" Ii cost
80, 800.
A new toy, lately patented, consists
of n figure of dandy with a cigar
holder in his mouth. In the pedestal
there is small bellows, operated by
clock-work and spring. A small cigar
is lighted and placed in the holder, and
when the spring is set in motion the
dandy puffs away as natural as life un-
til the cigar is consumed.
Seeds and fruit-cuttinRs in packages
SIS large as four pounds now pass
through the mails aud post-ohices at
comparatiyely low rate OF postage. A
bnshel of orchard graBs-seed weighs
fourteen pounds, which may bo mailed
in four packages for thirty-two cents TO
any part of the United States.
"A religious body having resolved
TO build a new church, the pastor went
around begging very zealously, accept
ing not only the widows but the childH
mite. In the school, one Sabbath,
while instructing them, he compared
himself TO shepherd, and then inquired
what he did with his flock. One bright
eyed little fellow promptly replied, He
shears them J"
"A strange man, who wanted 20 go
on the train, but missed IL, walkei up
and down the depot in a high state OF
excitement, berating himself and every
one else. "I know just what my vito
will say I" he exclaimed, as ho walked
up and down. "When that train gifts
thar and she won't see me, she'll GIT
right up and iumn over chairs ana
smash crockery and swear I'm of on
another drunk I"
A Chicago description Of Fred
Grant "AmonR the throng, after
having exchanged salutations with his
parental relations, mingled stolid-
looking, sullen-faced young man, with
faint attempt at a mustache, and cold
lifeless eyes, an ungainly figure, end
no redeeming feature, upon whom eyes
we're occasionally cast, and persons ire
quently addressed as Col. Fred Grant,
the happy man.
six things" says Hamilton, ''tho
requisite TO create home. Integrity
must b9 the architect, and tidiness are
upholsterer. IL must be warmed by at
fection. and lighted with cheerfulness,
and industry must be the ventilator'
renewing the atmosphere, and bringing
in fresh salubrity day by day, while
over all, as a protecting glory and can
opy, nothing will suffice except the
blessing Of God"
AT n teachers institute in Scottville,
KY, the question arose, why ~ II
that pig may drink bucket full OF
slop and then be placed IN the same
bucket and not fiji it?" The teachers
naNlQR III lulitU 10 give uAN hANAoANNN'Ag
the question was referred 20
Capt. Glib Mulligan, who at once rem
dered his decision that there must have
been a leak about the pig. There was
no further discussion.
How comfortable for n young wife
To feel that her husband is a bountiful
provider, and that she will never want
for the necessaries of life. A newly
married man was recently directed by
his wife 20 order some yeast, and not
having n very well defined idea OF the
article, he told the baker 20 send up
three dollars worth. At nine o'clock
next morning three men might have
been seen tuPging cask OF yeast up
the front steps of that mans house.
THERE is a good deal of wisdom 70 be
found in the by-ways. A recent Eng
lish book mentions some lines, known
az the "Seyen Conditions which APP
pear beneath series OF old designs to
be found in almost every house ON both
banks of the Rhine. The first is tho
emperor, who says "Ilevy tribute
Next comes the nobleman, who says
az take tithes." The jew (medimval
type OF the trader) says: 81 live on
NV profits" The soldier says II
nav for nothing" The begPar says:
i'f have nothing" The peasant says
4" God help me, for these six other men
have all to be supported by me-"
Tho nra{,. Marlaf