The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-05-15

An English boy, on being askeC
the other day who was prime min
lister of England, answered; with
out hesitation, "Mr. Spurgeon.'
j Instead of saying cts a Ions
time between drinks, "WesterI
men now remarks, "lt's q Ions
time since signed nay las
pledge"
| A Canadian matron, one hun
drea and eight years old, is still
able to devote much energy tc
bringing up her little boy, aged
ninety-three.
i A Western member Of Congress
who interpreted NJ. &. to mean
More Currezcy, was made to I'm.
derstand that it meant Mighty
Corrupt.
Boston pays one hundred and
forty-tWo thousand dollars q year
for church music when congrega.
tons stand ready to sing without
charging q cent.
The Literary World intimates
that H. w. Beecher is not O good
punctuist; but nobody can deny
that he makes some of his points
admirably.
The Courier-Journal allows its
proof-reader to go to prize-fghts,
on steamboat excursions, down in
mines and up in balloons, but it
can't kill him.
There are two reasons why
some people don't mind their own
business: One is that they
haven't any business, and the 9th
er is that they haven't any mind.
| A stranger who threw a ten
dollar bill into the contribution
box of a Savannah church got
trusted for five hundred dollars
worth Of goods next day on the
strength of it.
The world is full of men who
will cheerfully "boss a job" for 9
dollar and half day, when five
dollars . day for actual work
would not be the slightest temp
tation for them.
La Mothe was not great writ
er, but he understood human ma
ture. Finding that his book had
a slow sale, he procured q prohib-
ition against the reading of it
and every copy was disposed of
The Western editor who asks il
confessing ones self donkey is
auricular confession, has met his
quistus from = brother of the
goose-quill who reminds the for
mer that nobody should know
better than he.
OF all jokes, says the Salem Ga.
zette, that Of the Legislature pass.
ing law to prevent young meu
under eighteen from hurting them.
selves by overwork, is the great
est. Won't Young America enjoy
the laugh?
| A Cincinnati seamstress uses 6
gray squirrel as q motive power
for running her machine, and well
he does his work-not only sew,
ing straight seams but hemmine
and gathering q ruffie as neatly q
could be done by human hands
/ pat said = Yankee, why did
you make the stone wall around
your shanty so thickT'-"Why
please yer honor, ] hear they have
sxtrornary high winds in Americ.
ky; SO thought if I built it a
thick as it Was high, if it should
blow over, it would be just as
high as it was afore, yer honor
A Western paper says dealers
in butter classify it as WOO
grease, cart grease, soap grease
vsriegated, tasselsted COW grease
clearinghouse breakfast, inferio
tub, common tub, medium roll
good roll, and gilt-edge roll. Til,
terms are strictly technical.
First rufIian.-"Wot was / hui
for, and wot ave 1 got? Well
/ floor'd a woman and took he
watch, and I've got two years ant
. Jogging" Second rUfian.-
"Ah, I flung . woman out O. tn
top floor window; an I've onl,
got three months" First ruffian
rl-"Ah, but then she was ye
; wife"
} Boston is we'll known for econ
omy. We have evidence in tn
. following: As proof for careful
4 Ress on the part OF . steambea
] proprietor, 1t is stated that an an
: tiquated steamboat in New Ene
r land always carries . supply Q
e wooden plugs with which to clos
: up the holes that frequently up
q pear in her worn out boilers.
ode / understand the counsC
: for the defendant" asked q yer
= fat Judge, 'sto say that he Is abou
to read his authorities Is againl
1.-THE decision just pronounced froI
A the benchT" "By no means" n
J piled the counsel aforesaid; 81
, vas merely 3 going to show I
= your honor, by . brief passage
was about to read from the bool
IWhat an intolerable old 70,
4 Blackstone must have been,
y cay! sy! "said the Judge, not
y little elsted.
Is The English Unitarian Hera
lie is reminded that "msny years as
ID when the Rev. John Pierpont,
J. Boston, was on visit TO one
lg our ministers, who kept only tv
. maid servants, he rose early eve
e. morning and polished his ov
II. boots. We remember his Ell
;, quencs as . preacher, his courage
n, . reformer, his skill IS poet, a
d, his mechanical ingenuity. y
e, always believed Mr. Pierpont "
q remarkable man, and now :
know it."
Is Aids to tempsFance-Crusa q