The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-08-01
BUDGET OF FUN.



For some cause or other too numerous
to mention, Squills was late in going hone
the other night Perhaps it was morning
On second thought it 0ds morning. Squill'
had been sitting NJ with sick friend as us
ual, and the heat OF the room Of
something hadn't agreed with him. iii:
friend wanted him to stay all night, but Mrs
Squllls had IN objection to his staying ou
all night. Mrs Squills was not jealous wo
man, but she had once been heard to remark
darkIv that she would like to cath Mr.. Squills
STAYING out all night From that moment
Squills Ielinquished the idea On this par
ticular occasion S4uils never felt SO much
like STAYING out all night on doorstep in all
his life. The room had disagreed with him
so much. But he struggled manfully with
the effects OF the room combined with the
effort Of sitting up with his sick friend, and
he reached home at last
Mrs. SQuills was awake. Once upon a
time Squills used to take off his shoes and 60
up softly in his stockings, but he had left off
that base suDtertuge years ago. Mrs. Squills
was always awake. She was awake this
night as usual Squills knew it because she
didn't snore.
is that you, SQuills:'
That is the question she asks me, year in
and year out, said Squills. Looking at me
with the eye of a lynx from under the mos
quito bar, and knowing enough of me to
know my hide on a bush, if she should ever
see it on bush, she said mildly: Is that
YOU, Squills?' tell you, said Squills, that
kind Of thing is wearing, but | responded
cheerlly:
yes, my dear; ocotrse me-
What time is it? Is it late!'
Jus struck twel,' Missiz Squills.'
At which she Immediately got out OF her
nest, walked deliberately to the mantel-shelf,
looked a. the clock, and then, turning round,
said, in tones that would have given chill
to an iceberg:
Mr. Squlls, it wants jus; a quarter to three
said: Let it want m dear
Where have you been, Mr.. Squills? sitting
up with u sick friendg'
l knew the sick friend was too thin to
hold water with that remarkable female, said
Saullls, and so said
dodgers comic, m love-
The codgcrs wlut, Mr.. SQuills:'
'Codger'S comic. Meters mo'won lul n
Judy. Fiery untam,d tail ever slong. Gran
s'blime, toocal magnificent Nevsaw such
thingamlife, Civ myord nhonor'
| felt that the Influence of the sick friend
and the oppressive Leaf of that last bottle of
sOda.water was upOi me- SAID Squils and
also felt that Mrs Smils' eye was upon me !;
indeed, felt as If Ms. SQuils was all eyes,
and that they were al beaming on me at one
fell swoop, like polceman's bulls-cye
Before call in tlr children, S1uills, to
witness the beastly eject of Codger's comet
on their father said Hrs. Squills, you had
better get into that bee
And then what do yM think she did said
Squlls. But you'd necr guess. No. sir; no
earthly man could eve guess the depth of
that woman's knowledge of human nature
She poured out glasspt ice water from the
ice pitcher and then deliberately went out on
the porch and threw the balance out into the
yard. Then she sat dow by the window and
sucked the water in glss through a straw
| never felt so thirsty inny life, said Squils,
and she knew it, and tim to suck up that
water through a straw. There was males
tic malgnity in The act tat couldn't posi-
bly, have originated withsnybody but wo.
man.
l don't know how ! wnt to sleep, said
Squills, but did, and win woke up in the
morning there was Mrs. Suills at the bed
side with cup of coffee.
Take this, Suuills its better than ice
water, for CGdger's comic
What could say? said Suils. Just moth
ing. was completely at h. mercy, and that
cup of coffee is going to CO me a new dress
before get through with TIN Internal comet,
and know it.-!St. L0uts IbublicaH.