Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-06-26
Varietiey.
A pair of drawcrs-A span of hors

A pair Of drawcrs-A span of horses
What is the best key for u Christmas
box A turkey.
When does chair dislike you! When
it can't bear you.
Conccit-An ass who imagincs himscE
an elephant.
Aim high, but not so high as not to he
able to hit anything.
An unpleasant sort of arithmetic-Di-
vision among females.
Prosperity is the thing in which we
ought to trust the least.
Mary Powell is being painted by two
men. She is a Poughkeepse boat.
Why is grass like pcnknife Be
cause the spring brings Oat the blades.
Farmers gather what they sow, while
scamstrcsscs sew what they gather.
The Worcester Mass, crusaders have
stormed a printing Office Nobody killed
Mrs. Cree WI o took husband the 9th
er day, evidently wanted - cre-mate
If man dreams the "devil" is aftcr-
~ IL tlLlC III ktsb0 kptUl Ills bllU-
scription bill.
Dobbs thinks that instead Of giving
credit where credit is due, the cash had
better be paid.
\ Maine woman has hair seven feet and
five inches long-too long to be available
for use in butter.
"Hypochondriacismly" Is IN elegant
word, for which the world is indebted to
the Cincinnati Gazetts.
Owing to the stormy wealthy on Sl.ur-
day. only five hdies went to get divorced
ut St. Louis,
cynic says that marriage is often i.
dull book with very fine preface Some
times it is half calf" too
An Indiana man was lately buried in Il
coffin made from tree he had planted
How happy he must have been.
Charles Lamb, in speaking of one OF
his rides On horseback, rcmarkedthat '.;s!F
at once the horse stopped, but kept on"
The proposition to introduce ladies as
railroad conductors is frOwned upon in
view that their trains are always behind
What is the difference between IA lew
and lawyer The one gets his law from
the prophets, and the other his profits from
the law
The San Francisco sea captain who
traded the ships Bible for thirteen plugs
of tobacco is spoken of very severely by
the religious press.
Why are the ladies the biggest thieves
in existence Because they steel their pet
ticoats, bone their stays, crib their babies
and hook their dresses.
Don't a Quaker ever take off his hat to
any one. mamma? "No, my dear" If
he don't take off his hat to barber, how
does he have his hair cut.
"Think of it Mr.. Bobbs, the United
States drinks 500. .O0O.OW worth of spirits
every year" Bohhs (excitedly)-" How
wish was the United States ~
Now that the word "hvmcncal'' is so
commonly used in connection with wed
dings. it is suggested that births, should he
headed "crymcneal" and deaths "diemen-
cal"
A ,nan in Boston. in his hurry to
assist fainting lady, got hottie of mu-
cilage instead of camphor and bathed her
face with it. She was good deal stuck
up with his attention.
"Saucc for the goose is sauce for the
C,nder. Tine culinary adornmcnts which
suffice for the female of the race Ansrr
may be rclished with the masculine adul,
of the same species.
Advice to persons living in houses adaye
ted for two families When Your hell rincs
wait the other people NAV 20 to the door.
When their hell rings, rush to your door
and listen dcvoutly.
4 teacher who. in fit Of rage called
her scholars n set Of Young aGders. on he
ing reproved for her language. .apologizrd
by saving she was talking to those Just
commencing the arithmetic
Tipkins aroused his wife from sound
sleep the other night, saying Isaw ghost
in the shape Of an asa. 30, let me sleep"
WAS the reply Of the irate dame, "ani
don't be frightened Mt your own shad-
Ow.-
4 gentleman Of Louisville has a dog
pointer. The dog ran up the steps of
y house and refused to come down. His
master followed and found "a. Partridge"
on the door. plate. This illustrates the
force of instinct.
To see how eagerly human being will
catch ut u straw. II il not necessary to
witness drowning. Tia phenomenon
is now manifest chiefly within saloons,
where one end of the straw is immersed
in tumbler.
"Will YOU have some Strawberries"
asked lady Of II guest. Yes madan.,
YES: l eat strawberries with cnthuiasm.'
Do tell Well. we haven't anything but
cream and sugar for them this evcninr,"
said the matter-of-fact hostess.
A Milwaukee hoy has swallowed half
dozen steel buttons, and his mother
doesn't have to scream for him when he
Is out on the street PLAYING with those
CluckersOn boys, She Just brings nae
net to the door and he flies to it like
needle to the pole.
4 professor who stated that ono. cannot
taste in the dark, as nature intends us to
sec our food. was nearly foorcd by M
pil who asked. ''How about blind mans
dinners" But he recovered himself +"
answering: "Naturc. sir has provided
him with eyc-teeth."
A litcralminded voungster was picked
up by visitor Of the family. who, dand-
ling him on his knee. said: ~ wish had
this little hoy: think there. money in
him." To which promptly responded the
child ~ know there is for swallowed
a cent when was At grandmAs the ether
day"