The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1874-11-27
Z

IHE vegetable tnat young LADIES' love
is to.mate-oh.
Mr.. Bass, the pale ale man, declines
a statue while living.
"HoRsE jeweler" is an Oregonian
synonym for blacksmith.
If speech is silver and silence gold,
how much is a dumb man worth?
If Worcester spells Wooster,
why doesn't Rochester spell
Rooster?
THE butcher will be offended, wesup-
pose, if we call baseball a-bat-war, but
we'll risk it.
A SENTIMENTAL, but blighted, lover
says that excellent pillows may be made
of old letters.
SOLDIERS ought to be good physiog-
nomists. They all know how to write
about face.
A CoMPosIToR on a st. Louis paper
made an editor say that "this war-cry
is the key-hole of victory"
ME-. TITUs SALT has laid the founda-
ton stone at Bradford of O college for
students for the Independent ministry.
A POLICEMAN spoke Of his conscience
rs al onward monitor" eyes," said
the auditor, "its a regular iron-clad."
On, kittens ! in our hours of ease,
uncertain toys and full Of heas when
pain and anguish hang DER men, we
turn you into sausage then.
We are told that "the smallest hair
throws a shadow" And SO it does.
1t throws a shadow over your appetite
when you find it in your victuals.
"SwEARs l. DAMS" is the name of q.
legal firm in st. Louis.-Tribune. Such
a firm as that ought to have a heavy
cussed- 'em. -C0mmercial Advertiser.
MISSISSIPPI is ~singularly blessed in
some respects. A traveller there says
some of the land in that State is SO poor
that a disturbance could not be raised
on it.
BESSIE DARLING is to play at Newark,
n. j., in n piece entitled "Her Face
Her Fortune" Elizabeth ! 1t is a dam
gerous name. Beware I! Bessie Darling
Beware!
An anxious parent, whose son has
already mastered French, German and
Italian, has determined on sending the
youth to Finland, in order to give the
boys education just the little Finish it
required.
Mr.. TooLE has been acting before
the inmates of the Blockley Insane
Asylum, at Philadelphia. The laughter
was SO uproarious that the actor must
have wished himself Ear from the
madding crowd"
A YOUNG lady of the period writes to
an exchange to inquire if washing her
face with pipe clay will improve her
complexion. We should think it might,
with the addition of a masculine cheek
and well-ignited match.
TOURIST Gin CornwalD-"MayI be
permitted to examine that interesting
stone in your field? These ancient
Druidical remains are most interest
Farmer-"Sart'nly, sir. May
be very int'restin' an arshunt, but we
do stick 'em CUP for the cattle, an call
'em roubbin pusts !"
For some time back conductors have
been III the habit of checking tickets by
means of a silver-looking revolver. In
Philadelphia they now Go 1t with a
powder flask. The conductor presents
the machine, and the passenger pops
in his fare, whereupon a spring is
pressed, and the conductor smiles at
his own honesty!
"TAKE the lamp up" said n Portland
TO her daughter the other night,
as the young lady set out for her bed
chamber with no illumination but the
light Of her bright eyes. GOOD gra-
rrother," was the laughing an
swer, "what kind of a creature is a
lamb-pup?' "A lamb-pup, my child,
is the offspring of n sheep-dog. Good
night. Take the lamp."-Portland
AIrCrtiScy.