The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-08-29
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES


boiled up rats in the watts. Nevertheless, a I!'tI
of it tastes mighty good, Sister.
Beware Baldwin! II that rampant female get
her claws in your hair, there will be more bal
on your head than there is in your name
Saws the Sterling Ga-ette:-" Polo is playing
pretty fine They prosecuted man there las
week, for selling cider, and fined him $40 1t !
hardly safe to drink skim-milk in that town
This is the result of crusade. The people 9
that Inflated town will soon pray for any helF
They will prefer any aid than crusade.
Train has finally concluded to lecture again q,
The Wrongs Of Ireland" One OF the wrongs
was in letting Train get out of that country ihle'
years ago, when they could just as well nave
hung him. Detroit Free Press.
The vegetable that young ladies love is TO
mate oh !-CinciEaati Times.
How can they love tomato oh, unless they al,
desire onion with some nice young man,
Some Of the night. last week, were so awful
hot that people Just lay awake, swearing softly t.
the quarrclsomc katydids saving the sluggish
sullen, currcntless air with their never ending
contradictions, and to the savage mosquitoes
outside the pettng gEaslinG their teeth and
chewing the stats Of the winow blinds in thclI
6loodthirsty rage.-Lotky"rt to''fe'''
Clam, can be eaten any month in TIE yea, ,
or no E,-EL.
But how, fyou can't catch EN-:
Colorado is fine place for speculations. 4
paupcr recently escaped from the poor-housc
there and made 1890 in land spccui&,!ons re-
fore he could be recaptured.-Eh
We have often threatened TO 20 TO Colorado
and We sigh for admission 10 that poor house
so that We might have place to escape from.
and get rich,
"A ady's wedding trousers in Richmond IS
said to contain az pair Of stockings.
The compositor should have set it mp "trous-
seau.'-EI
Pshaw! You are too fas;idous. If the stock
lngs were in the rousseau wcru't they on the
tops Of 'cln in the other things, when sAe wore
I'm? Say.
The Lockport Coqrier thus commiscra;es the
threatened i'll fate Of such Of the VIII county
farmers as may think they have prize mules and
asses:
It seems that stock rasers will stand rather a
poor show for premiums on mules and asses ut
the county fair. IL il stated that two or three Of
the editorial writers Of the Joliet R,pajicaH viii
be in attendance.
An Oregon school maam stood = wicked ur-
chin on his head the other day and cmptied
bucket of ice-water into his trousers leg The
next day the boys father came around and re-
pcated the operation, but the school ma'am was
The victim, and now the spirit of war sits on the
school house chimney and swings blazing
torch
IN exchange very graycly offers the following
sage axiom:
The fool sceketh to pick fly from mules
hind leg The wise man lcttcth ont The Job %
the lowest bidder.
The louisville girls don't spend "al their
time trying TO climb the holy hill OF Zion Tor
IN their way home from picnics they attack de-
'susclesg young mon and kiss them by main
lJrce.-lG i.aRGyDi@ Hcfdid.
Only sharp dodge 10 induce young men TO 80
west as far as IiOnNille.
tn" following is going the rounds Of the pa.
pers. As far ~ We have observed, only 2& hi
moi, wceilics have claimed it rs an original local
incident, happening in their respective villages
: rustic couple newly married, marched into
--s drug stor" and called for soda water The
ob!iging clerk inquired what syrup they would
Lave in il, when the swain, deliberately leaning
over the counter, replied stranger, money is
no object 10 me; put sugar in IT,"
The following may be considered rs q neat, ar.
tistic obituary !
Four doctors ticklcd Johnny Smith,
They bls;ercd and they bled him;
With sguills and an.i-bilious pills
And ipccac they fed him.
They stirred him up with caloulcl,
And tried 20 move his liver,
Eut NJ in vain; his little soul
Was waited DER the river
PtaaiaPhic Laigs,.
Says Il Detroit editor: "Chicago may talk .
about he homely women Of Detroit, but there is .
one reteeming POKER. When one gets mircd .
,Aey don't have 70 dig up half the street to ret .
siZteep 200: scGntling under her foot to pry"
Tho Indian CHIEFS have banded together and |
yter fifty ponies and twenty .Quaws for Gen.
Casters scalp. Here seems TO be q irst-claSs .
chance FOR 1one one 20 start livery stable and
harem together at slight cost.
Yes, '2'ter carries the most numerous cntau-
..eu n, o, long and bushy hair, known To- he /
possessed hy any nan in the United States. His .
scalp would hr u regular" harlem scarc'cnlw /
Only 's"s" Indian could look at it.
20 many re,p.a are out Of employment just
row hat there j. great rush for situations.
willingness - become governor OF New jersey.
II twelve incr would like to he inundated upon I
the Gi.or " The. country to hc Governor Of New
Jersey VIVA. propor,ionatc number Of men
would be- willing to De sacrificed to become
Sheriff % u sale county, which is much larger
than NJ
When . Stranger stands on t public square in
Denver, pits "a his hands and cries out Climb !
N % ne by thousands" even tbs postmaster !
pulls Of biz coat and goes out to the response q !
fuccess--ky
Ain';ws -.a3 that our p. M, doesn't reside at |
Denver
"leI . woman grows old and hOmcly, says
The Washington cGpidi, she gets religious. The !
Household has 10 stand around then
We Snow several women here, who are " old |
ana honciy," but they haven't much religion To-
1peak 81, but The household has 10 'st1nd around"