The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1874-06-19
Our Wstzs! Correspondence.
a Cheap JOhn Among tho Nattses-Rotc
10 gol into a SorGp6 and then got out et
I-MaTyfng in Retssl, 20
PoNE-LAND P. O., WETzE1 Co.;
w Va Jnne TX 1874

Editors Of the lntelligeneef. "-p
As II has been some time since yot
heard from this part OF the world,
thought q rambling account Of the darl
and terrible deeds Of the native fishing
creekers would not come amiss. mus
keep you posted, or the world would no
know we are moving In these partH.
A CHEAP JOHN. Is
suppose you are aware We have 9
veritable Cheap John in our midst. Well
we have, Q real live one, too. Iguess he
is one Of the frat brood; o shrewd Yorker
with rather o pEepossessing appearance,
followed by a-iamillar whom he called
Gump. John has the usual accompani-
ments-a o wagon painted red, q monkey
on box, q lew notions, some glassware,
all ofwhich Except the money and wagon
he gives to the gaping rustics ranged
around" who laugh at his pie. bald jokes,
give him all their money, produce, etc,
and carry away his goods to the mutual
satisfaction Of all parties. e,-..
Well, It seems that John is fond Of Iun,
though he does not want to hurt any
body, yet he Is q little reckless concerning
the means used to obtain his fun. Some
time ago he heard from q father an &C.
count Of the way in which he was treated
By his Oldest daughter, who refused to
let the old gentleman come home, had
thrown his clothes out, and cut up Ned
generally. 30 John and several friends
concocted a scheme whereby the young
lady would be brought to terms, and the
much abused parent reinstated. 7
IT WAS AS FOLLOWS: ~ ,..
John wrote o warrant for her arrest,
signing q fictitious name; then acting as
constable he went where the young lady
lived, read the warrant, took her TO o
neighbors house, bound her over for q
year TO keep the peace, let her father re-
lurn homo, treat him as q. daughter
should, or forfeit $50; all Of which she
promised faithfully TO perform. So far
80 good, but at this point some one else
meddled and told the girl 1t was a sham,
and advised her to have John arrested.
She did 90, and II he had not .compromis.
ed with the girl he would have got him
self into trouble. II was the dearest sell
he ever made in this country. When he
was ready ior trial and the girl did not
appear against him. the Justice looked as
wise as an owl and said
"rT WAS A GRAVE oEFRNoE."
l guess he felt a little like sending him
to the penitentiary, hanYhow, "For play.
ing such o mean trick on one Of our
gals" No. 4
The fact 10 there was nothing In II; no
forgery, false imprisonment, or anything
else but little fun, and John knew Is,
but he did not know what tho Justice
would do. y.ILg s,l- {
He was more afraid Of the Justice than
Of the law, so he pleaded his case success.
fully with the girl.
John and the women do not get along
very well anyhow. Some time ago he
met q dashing young widow, the daughter
Of a well.to'do farmer. John thought
she was in good circumstances; and she
poor soul, tho1ght he had wagon load
OF money.
80 HR MARRIED uRR
and found out-alas ! too late, that while
matched, they were by no means mated,
Two Thomas cats with their tails tied to,
gether, end thus hung on q stout clothes
line, could hardly keep up to them as iaI
as fight is concerned. A lawyer Of the
the sIip-noose profession can obtain en-
ployment from nt least one Of the par
ties, ! speak by authority. Address
Cheap John BlunderbuS, Pone-Land P.
O., Welzel Co. figs
This Is q great country for marrying
anyhow. Nearly all the young folksrun
away to get married. Oh, what glorious
times they Gvel-especially when they
get captured. They have q sort Of go
between by the name dwell, we will
call him Jeremiah Figball, for want Of .
better name, who engages the girls 70 run
away with him, then some one better
loved steps in, takes the girl, and Jerry
assistsin their capture, bringing them back
In triumph. -
MATRlNoNY UNDER DIFFICULTIES.
Last summer q girl agreed to run away
with him. They went to her sisters here,
and some one else stepped In, and the girl
tried to go of with the new conner; but
Jerry stood guard over her all night, and
In the morning her mother came for her,
and the girl was marched home, with her
mother on the outside carrying Q cooked
revolver, and her lover on the other side
similarly armed. They were married at
last, thoughto accomplish this 1t was no,
cessary 10 walk 10 Pennsylvania. While
en- route they stayed st Mr.. OTIS al night