The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-02-20
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ERIp.AYl.... FgRRIIAlI IsY @, 1874.
"a nn1lr AI.lYAYs In ORpER. ;


"A BOLT ALWAYS IN oRDER.n
Squills declares that his wife is al
ways takings kind Of nmean adj
vantage Of him sThe best woman in
the world, sir, says Squills, "but
now and then she will act mean, and
she can't help it9 ag /,
sIast Saturday at breakfast, SAID
Squills, vslie was as smiling es a
bundle Of chips" M 4f
seA'stAre your chops done TO your
liking, Squills, dear?o
ssDeliciopsly, my love.
~ broiled them myself, dear.
s.I knew it was going to be hot, "
said Squills, "and when I got into
the hall to leave, Mrs. Squills was
there with my hat in one hand and
my oyercoat in the other"
q ssSquills, DEAR she began.
81 thought it time to pitch in
here, I said sqpillsi f'so 4 said quiet
CHOW much, Mrs. squill? Out
with it, my love-"
"'Mr. Squills, said she. "don't be
unmanly, sir, 1 beg; not to say
ridiculous. Gussy wants silk dress
to 90 to church in; the poor child
isn't really decent-'you are very
sorry well, so you ought to be-
Let her say her prayers at home.
No, MIR. Squills, she shan't stay at
home, and she shan't say her prayers,
and Mr.. Squills, you're enough to
aggravate d saint, and your conduct
is disgusting, and its enough to drive
woman to bolt right off to Chicago,
and get divorce.
II thought this was a good time to
fire off my pet joke" said Squills,
$50 / said, Mrs. Squills, u bolt is
always in order. Then I'bolted my
self, for Mrs. Squills comes Of q
fighting family.
"When I went home at night
Gussy, dear child, played all my pei
Offenbach music, and | knew l was
in for the dress, only / wanted tc
hold out till morning, just for the
look Of the thing"
"For five years after we were mar
ried, said Squills, "Mrs. S. would
persist in looking under the bed fol
man. It's the same man every
woman looks for l suppose, because
they all do it. Well, failing to find
the man, Mrs, Squills finally gave
him up in disgust and took to some.
thing else II suppose, said
Squalls, Hthey all take to something
else after they can't find the man
under tho bed. Mrs. Squiils weak
ness is in boiling the door. Mr.
Squills, have you bolted the door
is always the last thing at night
"This particular night" said
Squills, "Mrs. S. was very dignfied
and distant. No familiarities, Mr..
Squills, if you please, you wounded
my feelings in their tenderest point
this morning, md I cannot forget
though you did, that ] am your wife
sir, and the mother of your children
Mr.. Squills.
"This was pitching it uncommonly
strong, you know, said Squills, "anc
| was about to surrender, when Mrs
Squills turned off the gas, and ther
coiloJ herself up in II pct somewhere
on the outside bed rail Not ever
good night, Squills. + felt prett,
bad about it, | can tell you, but
went to sleep. | don't know how
long / had slept, but some time
when / experienced a kick in Tho
back ns if playful mule had beer
tanning me. Perhaps it was nee
essary, as | always sleep hard, -
"AIr. Sduills," at last ] heard Mrs
S. say, "NIr, Squills, have you boltoc
the door,
A 4"Now / leave it to any man." sait
Squills, pppealngly whether that i
n correct thing for the mother Of +
family 10 do? OF course | got up ant
bolted the Internal door, and / said
Mrs. Squills, why the deuce didn'
you think Of boiling the door, before
! went TO sleep, and not wake up {
man in the middle Of n cold night I,
do it? And what do you suppose he
answer was?
"Wby, AlE, Squills, said she, 9
thought . bolt was always in order.
"What did l say2 What could
say? And the worst OF 1t ALL saiC
aaid Suills, fI'n be hanged il sh,
wasn't laughing at me; could fee
the bed shaking"