Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1874-01-30
CURRENT ITEMS.

AMERICAN GIRLS fastest mile during
the past season was 800.
THERE is pig in Washington County,
Mo-, that has three distinct and perfect
ears.
A ST. LOUIS turfman's best trotter
cost him $3.50. He drew it in lot
terry.
THERE is but one baby at Kelton, Ore
gon, and the neighbors take turns borrow
ing it.
A WHITE coon has been caught, near
East Saginaw, Mich, and is considered a
great curiosity.
JONES being told that he looked seedy
and asked what business he was in, re-
piled, 1.-THE hard wear business-look at
myAwardrobe." ~
A POUND of cayenne pepper judiciously
sprinkled on the floor made a Chicago
ball mighty spicy.
MATCHES in his pocket set fire to an
Allentown, Pa, sections coat, and scared
him nearlysto death.
THERE is nothing like pulpit novelty.
An Indiana clergyman lately delivered
his sermon in rhyme.
WYOMING is the only Territory in the
Union where gambling is legalized. 1t
is proposed to wipe out the blot.
A scHooLMAsTER said of himself II am
like hone, | sharpen number of blades,
but wear myself out in doing it."
IN twelve years eight hundred acres of
land have been washed away by the Mis-
souri, river near Wathena, Kansas.
SPICER says the difference between the
Hoosac Tunnel and an oyster is that one
is wholesome and the other some hole.
THREE BROTHERS, in Patten, Me-, have
have married their brothers-in-law's sis
tiers.
BRoKER-How are you off for money
this morning? Cashier am off with
what little there was in the bank. Good
bye.
AN analytical chemist has discovered
that q two-pound loaf of bread contains
about as much alcohol as glass of light
beer. s. r-
The life of an honest man is beauti-
full poem; and every human being who
reads 1t feels better, stronger, more hope
full for it. ~~
A MONSTER egg, laid by South Hing
ham, Mass, hen, was broken recently, and
found TO contain two yolks and another
perfect egg.
ENGLAND is celebrated for its fogs,
France for its frogs, Ireland for its boys,
Canada forsits dogs, Maine for its logs,
and Ohio for its hogs.
"a MAN named HUT went into a store
in Waterville, Kansas, and asked for
credit, and was knocked down with
weight This is called enforcing the
cash system.
THAT water will find it's level was re-
Gently shown at Marion, Ohio, where on
Christmas Day. Mr.. John G. Water was
married to Miss Caroline Level.
IF you have talents, industry will i'm
prove them if moderate abilities, indus
try will supply their deficiencies. Moth
ing is denied to well directed labor; moth
ing is ever to be obtained without it.
THIS bit of sarcasm from the STAGE: Gas
times are hard wooden weddings and
other nuptial anniversary celebrations
will be very numerous this winter, with a
view to replenishing ones household
goods"
THE velvet and fur combination so
popular this winter in street costumes is
one OF the most elegant and stylish intro
duced for many wears. Nothing can be
handsomer or richer than real fur and
real velvet.
MORE than one hundred women are
studying law in the United States, and the
question as to who shall be Chief Justices
may yet agitate the land. But for the
present the fair sex should be content to
bide their time. -t.-
COULD anything be heater than the old
darkey's reply to a beautiful young lady
whom he offered to lift over the gutter,
and who insisted that she was too heavy?
"Lor, missus," said he, "I's used to lift
ing barrels of sugar"
SECRETARY DELANo notifies territorial
and other officers who leave their posts
without permission, that such conduct
will be considered equivalent to their
resignation, and successors will be APP
pointed to their places.
WELL this was aggravatlng! A happy
Hartford couple had silver wedding,
and among the gifts received was a fine
silver tea set. Alas they had to give it
up the next day. 1t was left by mis-
takeof the expressman.
UMBRELLAS for the fashionable Young
women of the period are of navy blue
serge silk, with ivory handles cut in the
form of cross. They are not ornament
ed in any way with silver or gold, and
for that reason are very genteel and "nice
looking"
Mr.. JOHN HOLLAND, of Henry, KY,
comes to the front with q mare thirty
three years and nine months old, which
is said to gallop around the pasture, not
perhaps as nimbly, but certainly as gaily,
as she was accustomed to do quarter of
a century ago.
The fact that on railroads the western
rail "creeps" faster than the eastern one,
while the latter wears out fastest, is attribu-
ted to the motion of the earth, throwing
the train towards the east, and pressing
upon the eastern rail more heavily.
A SOUTHERN editor, thirsting for SUBJ
scribers, has adopted singular expedient.
Instead of offering as premiums chromos
and that sort of rubbish, he promises to
name his new baby after the patron who
pays his subscription for the longest time
in advance.
A CEDAR FALLS Uowa) cow walked on
we'll Tor a hole which was started for a
well, and afterward covered with rails
and straw, and fell to the bottom, a dis
lance of eighteen feet. She was found on
her back, and subsequently taken out
with rope and tackle, and found to be all
right. s. '4sa IS
HARSH indeed is the quality of justice
dispensed in Ell Paso, Texas. Only re-
Gently, five old residents, convicted merely
of manslaughter, were actually fined sew
enty-iye dollars apiece, and withal the
court studiously RETAINED from recon-
mending them to the mercy of those from
whom they must get the money.
THOMAS BAILEY ALDRIcH puts it gently
to the shoddyites in this wise: Zone is
panied to find that the most exclusive