Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1874-10-17
A lively Obituary of a Living Sub

Not to be oUtdOne by metropolitan Journalists
the editor OF the Fairfield Chronicle has COM
mel ced publishing obituary notices Of his sue
sCIibers, not only in advance OF all other paper
hut ahead Of time, getting the start OF grim
death himself. The tTst OF these preternatur-
ally prompt biographies appesrs below. We
EXPECT 10 learn from next weeks Chronicle
that "Cbarlie" Is not only alive but kicking:
Nothing OF the dead except goOdn is the
translation OF famous Latin PrOverb and
more lies have been told under this rule that
any other in existence. But as many wise men
ia later years have made their will and execut-
Ell them themselves before death I'm order that
they ight observe the wisdom OF the bsquests
and cOTIect errors, so to prevent falSehO01 a
mans obituary should be written during his
lifetime and thus afford an opportunity 20 cor
rect mistakes.
and 2C00. He was good man, but in the out
bursts OF passion TO which he was subject, he
was a little cratic. Frequently when doing
man kindness, he would shower upon HIM
unsavory epithets. This had led to the suspi-
con that his Tudder was SwTy, bat the sus-
picion was groundleSs. His head, like his heart,
was all right. 1t cannot be denied, however,
that he exhibited a. times great eccentricity.
And yet bis father was a sound man and his
grandfather a very able one. What then was
the trouble with Charlie? Physicians aud phil
oSophers tell us that nature, especially in the
animal kingdom, repeats herself. Our friend
Charlie then, must have been a reprOiu ction
and consequently away back on the line Of his
ancestry somewhere there must haYe been
something exceedingly eccentric. For the con-
ISOLATION of his surviving friends / win intro
duced few anecdotes Illustrative Of his char
sctSf,
v.hen quite youth he ENGAGED in the gro
Gerry business. In short time his goods we're
gone and he closed his store. A friend Incurred
of him If Re had failed? "Failed! No. al
ways paid for my goods when bought them"
W hat Is the malSer then, where are your
goOdss" "well, had but little trade aud 1
suppose l must have eaten the devilish things
- -uLr.
abandoned thai also. On being asked the cause
he said he wanted to find another kind of bust
ness in which he could do as wefi-that is ID
make nothing without 80 much hard work.
HlS next ent rprise was more successful, the sale
of cOffiI SIC.
One of our popular physicians hal been absent
several months, and his triend1 were congrstuls-
ting HIM al I expressing their joy at his return.
Charlie stepps I up, seized him by the hand and
exclaimed, "Oh doct VI, no one can congratu-
late you or be more heartily rejOiced at your
you have been gOne.'
One of the members OF large Boston drug
gist firm was in TOW and took occasion to call
upon our apothecaries. By mistake he entered
Charles store. He excused himself BY saving
he thought 1t was an apothecsries shop. Charlie
relieved him st once with his ready reply" No,
ness is clearly allied 20 that, we divide the pro-
fits. Nj y neighbors Plslstc and Low cell medi-
cines ana sell the collins"
He was advised ID get bis life insured and he
did. But after long series of annual pay
ment he became impatient and wanted TO know
what in thunder was the use Of a mans get
ting his life insured if he was never going 20
ole.
lie was called upon TO visit school that had
the reputation Of being unruly. The school did
not suit him and on leaving he closed his address
q follows: "Now damn you, IL had the charge
of this scbC d there would be funeral every day
until YOU kept yourselves in better order"
But Charlie has passed away. fesce 20 his
ashes. An sympstnise With his highly favored
family.