The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1874-12-18
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

BUGGISs says that, as yet, his adored
one is little more than a cipher-that Is,
she is hardly won.
MoHAMMEDASIsM has been defined as
"that blessed religion which makes
people wash themselves"
ApAPER has this advertisement: 1.-TWO
sisters want washing" Millions Of
brothers are in the same prcdicament
If were to die, dearest, where would
YOU go?" "Go! Go after your in
surance money" was the reply Of fond
wife.
"CAN'r you make any allowance fora
mans being drunk" Certainly" said
the judge, an allow you thirty days in
the wsrk-house."
FIFTEEN years ago a Washington gen
tleman scratched his name on gold dol
lar, and sent it ON its travels. He has
never seen it since.
An old woman "didn't want 'em to
take any trouble after she was dead, but
if it was just the same she'd like to be
buried with her spectacles on"
A WICKED man in Davenport, being on
his death-bed, wished to consult some
proper person regarding his future state,
and his friend sent fire insurance agent
to him.
IT may not have been generally OBJ
sorved but il is none the less true, that
many a man misses the idol of his at
fections by his extravagant use of hair
grease.
THERE is still another point in favor
of narrow-guage railroads. When the
locomotive runs over man two-thirds OF
the body is left in good condition for
identification.
"IAM afraid, my dear, that while | am
gone, absence will conquer love-" "Oh,
YOU needn't fear for me-" said his wife,
"the longer you shall stay away the bet
ter shall like you"
A FRENCH astronomer has discovered
that the earth doesn't revolvc as rapidly
as it used to. That must be the reason
that Weston can not walk a thousand
miles in a thousand hours.
Ir is generally believed in some Of the
counties of Michigan that men will do
more plotting and planning to rob hem
coop than would be necessary to insure a
successful bank burglary.
A MELTING sermon being preached ina
country church, all fell a-weeping but
one man, who, when asked why he did
not weep with the rest, "Oh," said he,
al belong to another parish !"
KANSAS is noted as the State Of
brotherly love. The other night one MIR.
johnson shot one Mr.. Parker in order to
prevent him making fool Of himself,
and thereby injuring his reputation.
GENTLEMAN having horse that ran
away and broke his wife's neck, neigh
bor sought to buy the animal as means
of divorce. "No, no." said the owner,
al intend to marry again myself before
long"
"WELL, Bridget, il / engage you,
shall want you to stay at home when
ever shall go out" "Well, ma'am,
have no objections" said Bridget, pro
vidin' you do the same when wish to
go out"
A YOUNG man has been arrested IN
New York for sleeping in standing
position. lie would stand on the street
for hours at stretch, with his eyes closed,
and not move muscle. II is hereditary.
His father was policeman.
A DRAWING MASTER who was gwen
to scolding his pupils, once asked one OF
them, If you were to draw me, tell me
what part you would draw hrstY The
pupil looked up in the masters face ana
quietly said, "Your neck, sir"
Coon advice. When you use postal
card, always write the address the first
thing. Tons of postal cards without any
address are destroyed in the dead letter
office, because people write their message
first, and then forget to address the card
A HELENA divine, who had spent the
best part ofthe summer in christianizing
a Chinaman, thought he was getting
along nicely, until John made prop
osition TO him the other day, TO put in
with him and start faro bank.