The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1874-06-05
The Morning FLY.

tiouately entwined by the strap that
came out OF the haruess easiest; I
have had the measles; I have lugged
boila about ou my nose; i have been
in love; I have ironically fallen out
Of that Into marriage; Z have gradn.
ally become the father Of two hume.
rous children; but I never ia my life
had aDythiag tickle me like the early
morning fly.
II is all very we'll to say "the early
bird catches tho worm," but what is
that fact AZ An incentive to curly rising
compared with the more active fact
that the morning ny not only catches,
but sits down to onjoy ON the spct the
happiness Of muking her morning
toilet on the bright side-hill of your
peacefully slnmbering nose. It is a
fem"le fly, of course. No other sex of
tue fly family would exert itself 80
constantly to embarrass you in your
contract with good health to sleep late
Of mornings; no other sex would be
30 bold to keep in sight while tossing
on its morning wrapper and shaking
out the garments it alept in; no other
sex would take such rnscally delight In
tormenting one just when he most
waits to be let ulone; and no other
sex would conSent to give 30 much
time to the ornamental end of life.
Now, if you dcnbt what I cay of
the getting up and sitting down of
this fly, or her making of your nostrils
twin mammoth cave, of your mouth
il bottonlcss pit, ouIy to sit on the
edges of aud luok into, Of your bald
head 4 b.ii,ard table. of ycur forehead
u race course, aud of her rushing to
aud fro over the bridge Of your nose
without stopping to think If it be a
toll-bridge or IL draw, but only intent
on making it Que of sighs-if you
doubt this, ask your wife, who, many
4 morning after your return from club
or theatre. has sat on the side. rail and
watched the industrious fly making
periods on your cheek, and then with
his fore foot paw them into com mns
Yes, your wife has done that with as
much apparent relish as Agassiz when
he sits down to hunt for meaty speci.
mems asleep on his last auction bed.
stead.
With the first break OF day, over
your Ito the hy) attractive face, that
fly of universal mystery (for you have
the best screens ut your doors and
windows, and only miracle let's her
iu) lifts herself from her roost on the
looklng-gIass or centre piece Of the
ceiling, and moves upon innocence
and the pillowcase like the wolf on
the fold Upon the pillow. she haIts
to look and listen. And she looks
and she tukes the measure of her appe.
tite for nasal steak and cheek we'll
done; as she listens to the rush of
sleeping breath through the hazel.
brush OF your moustache, she quick.
ems like dog at tho rattle of ulnner
dishes, for she anticipates the fun of a
nestle In the shadow of the hazel where
her restless brow can be famed by
Havana zephyrs, aud she, business
jade. feels that it pays to rise early.
Then she Gildes on to early love-
fenst. Size haIts over your left eve to
watch for signs OF wakefulness. leans
on her legs and chafes her bony fore.
arms with her forepaws, tukes quiet
stroll up and down the lawn of your
forehead. and with magnificent
handspring alights on the bosom OF
your nose. That, III all your friends
know. Is your sensitive point, aud
therefore, when IL contemplate little
hy twists you Of its existence by walk
ing over it and jumping up and down
upon it. it is not surprising that, even
in your sleep, you realize TINT your
sore spot is trodden on by O very infs.
rior being, and indignantly resent it
by blow that would be applauded in
the prize ring. The fly lodges the
blow; the nose doesn't. The fly si,s
down to laugh; your nose wishes it
could. but instead. rolls over and
bories its iacerated feelings in the pill
low.
Again you drop away into half
sleep. while your hand makes fruitless
efforts to develop into perpetual fly
trap. Your position invites this vixen
fly to feast she long has sought-the
exploration Of your exposed ear. She
takes with her seven other f,es worse
thaa the first, and rs they reach the
rim Of their auriculnr pluy house,
there ensues IL pulling and hauling to
be first inside and get tue front seat,
that dees great credit to the flies as
Americans. Now your Christian coun.
tenance sHcnrs IN its sleep, and holds
faster to ap,ckied appearances thnn
your handy ily-trap does to your fl, $.
BY this tune, you conclude there /,
only ono way to secure against the
n.mblc-tootcd nuisance. and you draw