National Republican., 1874-05-11
PORTE era rom SKETCHES. I
TRIALS OF MR. pARpEMAN-wARoN

TRIALS OF MIR. PARDEMAN-WAR ON A
STREET-OAR-H0w JONES FELT.
Mr.'Pardeman rs o. Government official. He re-
rides on Capitol Hill. with q large back yard at
tached. Order, In his mind, Is heavens pet i'm
memorial usage, and for this he impatiently
strives. In the course Of nature he has become
the father Of two robust, romping, careless boys.
Each boy has his pecuharities and each pecu.
liarity causes the old gentleman q world Of
trouble. TAey sleep In an adjoining room, but
have been in the habit Of stripping in the pater.
nails apartment and leaving their clothes wher.
ever they happened to fall. According to Parde.
mans idea OF things, this was wrong. He told
them 30, and threatened to throw their clothes
out Of the chamber window If they didn't let up
on It. They didn't 4 seems. About midnight on
O noise In the basement. sect up, John, get up
or well be robbed; know we wiiI," she uhis.
time projecting the apex OF q rotund elbow into
his side. "Merceation, let me alone and will, u
growled the husband, as he rolled suddenly from
the bed, and commenced vigorous search for his
Mrs. Pardeman imagined that the noise grow
louder, and urged him on: He seized something
wildly about on one foot, trying to sheathe the
other in the garment. He twltched and balancsd
against the becpost for support; built was no go.
'Gracious goodness, what can be the matter with
these breecheoons7' he muttered while the perspi-
ration stood out on his brow. and Mrs Pardeman
AuTry up O1n hurry np what makes
dressed for church by this time" A thought
flashed athwart his mind. Perhaps they were
his sons He examined them for q moment, and
then exploded with: Mrs. Pardeman I'll teach
those boys losson that they'll never forget /"
Then there was violent hustle in the room It
gathering up pants coats vests, caps, and hurting
them out Of q window into grape arbor below.
His Pardeman blood was up, and If the gas had
have revealed q very mad man waltzing wildly
about q neat little chamber in his night shirt,
catching up his own clothing and chucking IT
out Of the window, interspersed with lively re-
marks. But Pardeman didn't know 1t. Not he.
He was Furnishing his boys That's what he
wa, was doing; Teaching I them an. lesson that they
room when he came to look for his own clothes.
A hysterieal mutter was heard as the chamber
anS a: ne Is I
man, with wifely anxiety, lighted lamp, and
started in pursuit. She reached the basement.
become of himP Perhaps he had been carried of.
These and other tcrturing fancies passed
through her thought, in quick USc succession as
peered out. Pardeman was Invisible She lis
tened. Presently q noise on the grape harbor
s6SVs sI extracted her attention She Looked up
be had thrown from the window before his wife
than before, an and after getting them on on he % came
down from his perch shook his fists violently in the
and told his wife that 'if she didn't
the boys"
THE FoURTEENTH-sTREET SWITCHES.
The street-ear switches on Fourteenth street
are in q dilapidated condition. They Look as
though they had been blown up and left Just
where they fell. If they had been sold at &C
tion they couldn't prove meaner. Six cars out OF
every ten jump the track when they strike the
and the remainder get mad because
they commence roaming about They don't roam
Systematically, but appear to move steady-by-
jerks Some rise and fall many times in sncces-
ion, on benches which never knew the benign in
fuence Of springs, thus becoming fully impressed,
In more ways than one, that the road needs recon-
structing. Yesterday an elderly gentleman en-
tered one of these cars. He bore signs Of the gout
nterspersed with acute rheumatism, Taking
seat In the centre of the car, he went into
thoughtful mood, not for once dreaming Of what
was IN store for him. Not at all. Perhaps he
was thinking Of the subject matter OF q sermon,
maybe Of a speculation; but whatever 1t was he
to be happy and TSuid rub bis gold
changed, however. 1t changed so suddenly that
his old mans back hasn't got over # yet. When
It's snap-the-whip jerks and several passengers
ook o trip.
The old gentleman involuntarily Joined In. His
The sae Of maden
was clinging to the seat for dear lfe He groSled
IN apology and started for the cane, when tho
gent, settling into the lap Of nervous lady, who
'emarked with emphasis, ugh and, at the
'ame time, went for his back with full set of
ingernails. BY this time another passenger,
Who had Slipped his anchor, came Waiting
through the chr, snatching yainlY at the support
traps and looking exceedingly wild. Things
became serious. The nervous woman was playing |
he mischief with the old mans ribs and he arose
from her lap just In time to catch the
Taltzing passengers elbow from the wlndward, |
md both went crashing into the rear door amid |
he scorching oaths OF o man whose corns they |
had disturbed. When the car came to o stand |
till they had each other about the mock, and
both were grabbing for the bell-ropo with a sin
,erity and earnestness that could not be doubted
After tic old man had disentangled himself
rom the fellow, ne appeared to be quite as full
" litigatiou rs pain, and II the company isn't
prosecuted soon, his word won't bear inyesA-
yation.
HOW JONES MUST HAVE FELT.
Just imagine Jones sitting by the cremating
cylinder, reading tho New York Ledger, while
his two-huD dred- and fifty pound mother-in-law s
'eething and crisping within. Most happy
thought! Jones, the man who had been told .
thousand and one times by this self-same mother
n-law that she wished from the bottom of her
heart that her daughter had never seen his face;
the could have done SO much better. Jones, the
ong suffering one, who had time and again given
up housekeeping and gone to boarding in one
Oom for the express purpose Of getting rid of her
who lay steamIng and fuming In the iron case
nent at his side. Think OF Il! What sublime
supreme joy must have ravished
Ind filled his soull