The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-04-08
SCRAPS.
IA hollosr. rnockeryA echo.

~ ssCi is E aJfiAfS.
hollsw mocker An echo.
Pressed for time Egyptian
'mummies.
"A journalistic Indignation Pa
per choler.
The place for picnic The Sand
witch Island. i
A boy pulling mules. tail Is {
stouching proof of condolences.
The man who sat down en- the
,spur OF the moment has not done
80 since.
"A juryman remarked, sslA j
please yer honor, IL am deaf IN one
scar" "Then leaEe sthe box, re:
piled the judge, "a juror must heal
both sides"
A faithful brother in Fairfield,
Conn, church, recently prayed fol
the absent members who were pros,
trate on beds of sickness and chairs
of wellness.
: "A boy was caught stealing chest
nuts near a cemetery. "What's
your name p "Tweed," b!ubbcrcd
the boy. The frightened man drop
ped the boy and fled.
It's rather remarkable that while
several Thousand feet are required
tosmaale one rood, a single foot,
properly applied, is often sufficient
80 make one civil.
A boarder, of Shakespearean
turn of mind, says that his bed
room reminds him of Richard III, :,
because it is "deformed, unfinished,
and scarce half made up"
It was a Canadian road, and the
brakeman had called ont in a sono-
rous voice, "Teeswater!" when an
argumentative passenger got up and
exclaimed, "It's a lien'
A Mississippi paper needs the
services of a new editor. The last
one went out with a revolver to
uphold an editorial, and he return
led in a wheel-batrow with a blank
'et tied around him.
Teacher to a little boy-Well,
my boy, do you know your tables? ?
tPupil-Yes, ma'am. Breakfast ta-
BILE, dinner table, and supper table.
The boy goes to the head CT the
holiday class.
$50 you are taking lessons in
drawing, Sallie ?" eyes, and the
teacher says am all apt pupil, as l
draw more differences, insiuuatious,
admirers, and allowances, than any
girl in the academy
For pure grit and long-continucd
patience you ought to go to Toledo.
; A young lady in that town has sent
l46 pieces of poetry to a ncwspa-
per, and though all have been re-
jected, she is struggling with an
other.
"Well, neigkhor, what is the
most Christian news this morning!'
said gentleman to a friend. 81
have just bought barrel of -four
for poor woman "Just like you
Who is that you have made happy
by your charity this timc?' My
wife"
There is an old story that st.
Peter, when revisiting the earth,
was obliged, amid the multitude
nous changes on every hand, to
'have guide through most of Eu-
rope, but ON entering Spain he dis
missed, him; for here, said the
saint, everything is just the same as
I left it.
p: "You don't love me, I know you
DON'T" said q young married lady
to her husband. Il give you cred
it, my dear, for a Keen penetra-
:tion," was the consoling reply.
! A. western minister told the
young: ladies Of his congregation
that the first step to ruin was IN os-
trich feather and 4 yard Of gay
colored ribbon. One Of his hearers
having occasion the next day to use
some ribbon, asked the clerk for
three more steps to ruin"
"Hi! where did yez get them
trousers asked an Irishman Of Il
man who happened to be passing
with a remarkably short pair of
trousers on. 81 got them where
they CREW. was the indignat reply. =!
"Then, by my conscience said
Paddy, you've pulled them a year
too soon!''
A few days ago very handsome
young lady entered q dry-goods
house and inquired for a ':beau."
The polite clerk threw himself back
and remarked he was at her SER
vice. eyes, but want a buff, not
a green one,'' was the reply. The
young man went on measuring
goods Immediately. ,
What. sunshine is to flowers,
smiles are to humanity. They are