The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-08-15
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

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Third tern-Grant's at Long Branch. :
Rochester Egpress.
The Boston Globe wants Weston to walk
against buzz saw.
"Butter is firm atfifty cents" What an
Internal Philadelphia Herald.
Chicago and Woburn, Mass, talk Of
swapping names Washington Star.
The lesson of the hour-and let no man
disregard it's, Tall aches from little ink
horns flow.-Brooklyas Regieso.
Professor Parkhurst still continues to
talk about the comets tail. Change the
subject, Professor, the comets stale.-Wor-
cester Press. !.
wool this year. 1t is impossible to say just
how much more Hwoo1" Brooklyn is going
to pull.-Argus.
Commercial AduertSser: Ministers, old
and young, big and little, all looked as if
they wanted to say something about it yes
terday, only they didn't dare to.
A youngter in describing, yesterday, his
Sunday dinner, said: awe had roast beef
and chicken, but the chicken was kept too
long before it was killed WilIsanasport
Register.
Ayoung lady asked clerk in the Wis
consin News Company's store yesterday if
he had "Festus." emo" replied the
clerk; "but I'm afraid boil is coming ON
the back of my neck. k."-MilaDaukee Seastt-
mel.
According to the census, there are only
two men in America who make a speciality
Of the manufacture of hand organs. Just
think how easy it would be to kill those
two men, and yet they still live!-Neao York
World.
Slang is becoming the language of all
classes and nationalities. We went into
the Maison Doiree the other day and called
for plate of bouille. The French waiter
brought it and exclaimed, "Bully for you!'
San Francisco NeaDs Letter.
A correspondent points out an error, i'll a
recent issue, wherein "gate" !" was spelled
wrong. We would like to know if we are
expected to read proof very carefully when
a comet with tail upward is coming straight
at us at the rate of Is, 900 miles minute
Berkshire (INass.) Courier.
The Herald summons Susan B. Anthony
to the front. Let the gallant Colonel re-
spond to the call. The admission of Susan
and Ben. Butler into the case ought to raise
our s'Great Sorrow - from the insignificant
level of an American riddle to the lofty
plane of a Chinese puzzle.-Brooklya Ar
gas.
The Flushing Times says: "Mr. Beech
er has done nothing, and is very sorry for
it." Alas! how many men have experienced
the same thing! They walk SO uprightly
shat the altitude finally wearies them; and
when they want to bend little and find
they can't, they're sad enough to sit down
ona buzz saw aud die.
Milwaukee Neaos A Kansas man who
was fatally shot in a row, recovered con-
seriousness just before death, and asked
what kind of weapon did the business.
On being informed that it was a silver
mounted seven-shooter, he gasped, "Glory!
! I was afeard it was one of those hoss pis-
tols!' and then died happy.
| Anew slang phrase has recently come in
to popular use in New York City. When
a fast young man is asked by his equally
fast companions to go where prudence
would suggest he should stay away and in
| elination does not thwart his better judg-
| ment, his answer is, "No, I'll be Beecher-
ed if I do."-New Haven Register.
Do you chew gum? The price Of three
pieces week, at one cent apiece, amounts
to 81 Sc year, or in sixty-seven years to
$104 SO. That sum viii purchase a CON-
plete set Of Appleton's Cyclopedia, q mar
riage license, black bombazine dress for
your aunt, a German silver coffin plate and
a cheroot! Cut this out, young man, and
| paste it on the back of your girls photo
aph.-Leeo5stoB Journal.
| Somebody told us the other day that il
| you will put little syrup and water in a
/ bowl and set the bowl on your table with
i small piecesof wood extending from the
table to the rim of the bowl, to serve as a
sort of bridge, you can catch all the reaches
in the neighborhood in single night. We
tried it. The reaches went to the syrup
and water by companies, battalions and
brigades, but when you gave them a small
scare they shot up the side of that bow
faster than q lightning express train can
Z travel OH an up grade of three feet to the
mile A more diabolieal fraud upon con
fiding and unprotected orphan was never
perpetrated. - Courier Journal.
4 MASONIC EXPEDITION TO THE HoL1