Omaha daily bee., 1874-06-18

If YOU see a policeman aim at q
dog, try to get near the dog.
As the Almanacs say, about this
time look out for vetoes.
The reason why so many men are
bald-headed is because they have
not enough hair.
Eugene City, Oregon has twenty
three painters, exclusive OF young
ladies.
An ostrich does draw the line
somewhere. He stops at gate
hinges. The grasshopper will eat
the shoes off an exhausted mule.
Gabriel Schmidt, in Iowa, has
lust killed his wife, for sewing q
wrong button on his coat. If II y
been on his shirt-but never mind
ALebanon man has broken n
of his wife's ribs by embracing e
Now, if she'd been copper-bottomeI
with steel c~orsets, he couldn't have
done it.
An old, hale and hearty gentle
man in Sacramento assures the Bee
that he has not drank a dlOp Of wa
ter in the last twenty years. Inc
crusaders should 60 after him.
"Cast Iron Sinks" is written
upon the sign Of q Hartford plum,
Der. "Well, who in the (hic) aid
if didn't" chuckled an i~nebriated
man after reading it over three
times.
The first photographer has opened
| his saloon in Truckee, Nevada, and
| has been shot at by a miner, who
insisted on having his picture taken
by lamplight, as he was going away
early in the morning.
The instructions to the police force
of Alexandria re: "DOn't arrest
the Mayor or any member OF the
Common Council for intOxicatlon,
but assist them home, and saynoth-
ing about 1t.
Kentucky doesn't care a CONT
mental for the transit Of Venus,
| since it has discovered itself to be
the possessor of a eOlOred woman
| IO3 years old, "whO actually saw
George Washington" .grf.
A man In Providence, on the oc-
casion of the death OF an infant
I daughter, entered a milliner's store
and asked if they kept ''black
tripen to hang ON their dOOr-hells.
II they did, he wanted three yards.
The following concise and COM
prebensive note was sent to an IL
| iinois merchant by a neighbOring
farmer the other day "Send me q
trace-chain and two hinges@ane
had a baby last night-also two pad-
looks.n
The poet of the Lynchburg News
hasn't been particularly lucky. In
an ode to his girl, he says: "Keen
is your sorrow, but keener is my
grief.n The composltOr, who lost
| his uttermost nickel on the top row
the night before, set up, "but keno is
my grief"
A man who was seen coming out
of a newspaper Office with his nose
split open, one eye gOuged out, and
an ear chawed off, explained to a
policeman that he was not a sub
scriber to the paper-he had simply
entered the office to ascertain if the
editor was In. "And he was iu,"
he mournfully added.
The editor of the Eureka Cupel,
in that paper of June, says: ave
feel it a duty to the public to offer
an apology for having inadvertent-
ly fallen into an unpleasant fracas
upon the public street this morning.
While II more becomes a gentleman
to carefully avoid personal encoun-
tiers, there are nevertheless times
and circumstances in which to do it
surpasses the power of most of u.s."
It may interest the ''champion
baggage-smasher" to learn that a
New Yorker, who last season, had
5000 worth of trunks destroyed, has
had five new ones made to order
and supplied with compartments
containing five pounds each of
nitro-glycerine. He proposes to
travel from Maine to Texas, cover
ing all the watering places, and will
have a coroner along to hold in
quests or the victims.
The Danbury Neacs man has had
disappOintments i'm LOndOn-as for
instance, when filled with an I'M
auenchable desire to see the queen
he stepped into a shoe store doing
business "by special appointment
to her majesty" and waited patient
ly for an hour for her to call in "tO
see if that shoe was fixed" But he
didn't see her. He afterward took
a little census, and found that the
queen had $40 ~tObacconists and
242 matters.
The Burlington Hawkeye says:
"Night before last MI. ThrOckmOr-
ton, who lives on South hill, staid
down town very late, being deeply
interested in a game of draw poker
and trimmings When he got
home he was so deeply affected by
the trimmings and the memory of
his last hand, which somebody had
played waxed cards on him, thatin
stead of unlocking the door he
crashed through q window and sank
to the floor in repose. Down came
his wife, halfway down stairs. sMr.
ThrOckmOrton,' she cried, are you
hurt? Did you callT Call nothin,'
he responsibility murmured, Call +?
I raise We 20 chips! You call II you
want to. Hic ~"
Bill Whaley, who recently died
in the Fayette county, Pa, poor
house, formerly drove q s~tage-coach
between Uniontown and Morgan
town, in that State. He wouldn't
Il