The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-02-27

Party ties-White crayats.
Some writer's are ike young house
keepers-they find it difficult to
furnish the second story.
Johnny assures rs that a railway
conductor punches q hole in your
ticket to let you pass through.
Dakota has deem doing sums, and
finds that she has only three eighths
Of q white man to an sere Of ground.
1t is one Of the curicsfties Of ma
tural history that aofse can eat
best when it has not bit in its
mouth. la11 sr.r r1r-t
Wake up here and pay for your
lodgings" said q deacon, as be
nudged a sleepy stranger with the
contribution box.
A "airtatious' young lady in
Washington says she knows a great
many young gentlemen who belong
to the Signal Service.
An Indianapolis beggsr goes about
selling his Wife's Wedding ring TO
buy bread for his children. BE has
already sold twenty-five.
A little boy recently disputing
with his sister, exclaimed q 'Tis
true, for ma says so, and if ma says
it is 80, it is so if it isn't so.
A Mississippi paper saws: "GiEea
negro a spawned mule, SINCE bar
relied pistol, and brass watch, and
you make him supremely happy"
"Came to his death while being
hit on the head with log-handled
stew pan in the hands Of his wife,
was the verdict in q case recently
tried in Illinois.
An impertinent fellow wants to
know if you ever sat down to tea
where they had skinned mix on
the table, without being asked 30
You take eream?" t
An applicant for pair Of boots, in
one Of our shoe stores, was asked
what number he wore, and replied,
as soon as he recovered from the
surprise /; "Why, two Of course"
Judge yefreys, pointing with hia
cane to q prisoner before him, OBJ
served: "There is a great rogue at
the end of this stick" The man
suggested: @At which end, my lord"
An exchange is resposible for the
following cure for bed bugs, with
salt water This will make the bugs.
dry, and while they sre gone for
drink move your bed into another.
room"
"What makes you feel uncomfor
table when you have done wrong p
asked & teacher who was lecturing
his pupils on conscience" 80 Ny fs-'
TIERS leather strap" answered Onea
of the boys. -
Heroism is limited after all. A
girl, who the other day jumped into
the Merrimac river and rescued q
drowning child, tainted away when
she saw her false curls floating down
the stream.
A young man who had just re-
turned from q sequestered village,
to the city, declared that it vas so
still at night in the country tavern
where he lodged, that you could
hear bed tick.
An ignoramus had been sick, and
on recovering, was told by the doc
tor he might take a little animal
food. "No sir" he said, 81 took your
cruel easy enough, but hang me if
I can eat your hay and oats"
A Sacramento dealer in hair oil,
who sold on the principal Of "no
cure, no pay.7 has sued one Of his
bald d-headed customers, and the lat
ter demands bald headed jury in
order that he may be tried by his
peers.
"Rose, my DEAR" said mother to
her daughter, ''if you are so stiff and
reserved, you viii never get a hus-
band" s-Ma," replied the young
lady, aunless the poet tells fbs, q
primrose is not without its sttrac-
tions."
The Provincial Press tells Us Of s
married couple who we're passing a {
jeWelry store the other day. Her
attention vas attracted by perfect
ly lovely pair Of ear rings, said she;
"Oh, Ned, 60 buy EN-" And Ned
vent by 'em.
"Who dare to spit tobacco juice
on this car floor p savagely asked
burly passenger on the Mobile train.
~I dare quietly responded q slen-
der yontb. and he did it. "You are
the chap 1 am looking for" said the
rufian, @give me chew"
The friends Of a wit expressing
some surprise that, with his age and
fondnesss for the bottle, he should
have thought it worth while to mar
ry, ga wife is necessary" he said,
"they began to say-Of me that 7
drank too much for any singlsman-"
A New Hampshire lecture commit
tee wrote to Boston TO learn what
Mrs. Scott Siddons would read for.
The reply was, Three hundred dol
lars and expenses. Answer, as Mrs.
Siddons wfilsail for Europe at once,
ifvOu don't want her" "Let her
sail,n was the answer.