The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-10-10

When towns ret to DC rivals, they run dow
leach other by abusing their girls. Bloomington
and Pckin don't love each other, hence this las
lab from the pencil of a Pckin editor:
When Young men of Bloomington go out riding
they cannot use top buggy, nor they don't hce'
an umbrella, as the girls ears answer every pur
pose.
Hops cntwne to the left, and beans to Tho
rlght.-Er
This will be valuable information to city snc5S
When visiting their country cousins, by carrying
the above pasted in their hats, they will be en-
ablcd to distinguish beans from hops.
Served him right. A Kentucky paper says:
| The Franklin county man who night or two
since went out TO milk cow, and in the dark
ness attempted to pull {" n mule, may recover
but the tin bucket has gone into quarantine
As an evidence of how public opinion in tins
county upon the Beccher-Titon scandal runs, we
mention the fact that a vote OF the grand Jury
on the question taken a few days since, resulted
! in lust two thirds of the jurymcn voting III l4yor
Iofindictng Bcccherfor adultery. ha"h@"t' HeF-
IdH.
The Jury may have done this in se'Edeiccc-to
! keep their wives correct
We find in the Ouarga Rlr'or bit Of obituary
poetry that would reflect credit on the columns OF
the Philadelphia Loiqr Here is the last verse;
| He died to sin; he died to care;
Rut for a moment felt the ROD;
Then rising on the vicwlcss arr
Sprcad his light wings and scared % God.
BY request OF NJ l.. BolD.
II is Difficult. to tell which to admire the most
the politeucss Of the dcfunct, or the prudent
forcthouglt Of " /. Boyd in making the re-
quest.
A tea never INDUCED in By gossips-Ch1ity!
OF what trade are bees? Comb,makcrs.-B os-
TN Yrd,elr.
And what's more, their combs are regular
ccs.-N Y. Cam. 1jr.
If that's the case, their conduct is scarcely be-
coming.-Er.
But when they 70 out IN the garden they get
,cared, then returning home get into lively bust
ness, and kick up row-thats Bec.mus-thc
result is honey-and that too is US. Ahcm!
Granger Feel very tired; wall, under Difficult
tics; toes awful sore
Shca.-Can tell YOU that's the matter.
Grangcr.-Drar me- . my ah please lcil me.
Shca-Sir simply thi:-fCct don't scour.-L".
safe Rporter.
The Chicago JoU0W says:
"Providence X. H. has kindly undertaken to
provide for the necessities Of INDECENT yirile sen
ility."
The Jo,l,nal means the Rhode Islanders have
rot a home FOR old men.
Out West here we don't get red behind the ears
an holcr: "WLo paid the WOodhull5' fare to
EUROPE We are simply thankful that they
wcnt.-DrijOt Free Press
The odor of Brooklyn sanctIty is SO strong that
when the wind is from the East New Jerseypeo-
pie shut down their windows.-Er
King Gomba, of Africa, has made use of the new
cable to say to Boston: Last missionary just
been put to bake; rather thin, send something
corpulent'-Er.
We could spare Il minister or two from here
Tor that charitable purpose.
Cheap transportation. \ Troy paper tells Of 4
discharged soldier who rode all the way from
Omaha to Utica on an empty stomach"
An exchange severely says:
Lady bathers at Bridgeport, Conn. are becom-
ng very prudish in consequence OF several late
yrcported famliaritics on the part Of the sharks,
\ puzzled aspirant, Cobb, of North Carolina,
remarks: If 20 for the civil rights bill shall
not be reelected If 20 against the civil rights
10 do, pray|-EJ
Come up North and sac Grant.
They have an cntcrprsing set Of people up in
but they run things in the ground
when they get started. They got TO offering
private premiums on horses and things, when
IN undertaken, not to be outdone offered pre-
MUM on the finest hcarse. The next thing some
body will be giving a prize to the handsomcst
cooking corpse,-C ltHtom Register. ...
As soon as ihc latter is done, we 20 in for that
prize.
They have a paper over in Vermillion county
that has been pitching into its town board for
not enforcing the ordinances. 1hercupon one
IF the board pranccd around the editors dwell
ng and discovered the following articles scat.
tered about his domicilc; Old brooms, fruit and
oyster cans barrel slaves, sEayngs, old boots,
shoes, fish heads, egg shells, chicken Feathers,
rotten fruit, potato parngs, cookie burrs, and
almost ANYTHING else that could be imagined as
cxcrcsccnce. And now that editor wants to know
II the sanctity of private life Is 20 be invaded to
make political capital.
A Kenooha maa who stated that lac really
needed some active, regular exercise, was advis.
ed 10y friend to mix his own cocktails. !,
La Sale is to have gas works. It is not ,tated
that the headquarters will probably be at the
Press oflicc.-Er
In that case, nothing on earth can furnish the
gas. La Sallclan's will either have to plug up.
their nosrils, or move out Of the city,
They made aman pray seven hours for stealing
a mule in Dcluwarc--ET,
The mule must have been very poor one, or
the pray crs uncommonly betty
An Ohio man has been converted to temper.
ance nincty-cight times, and says he'll go M tOI
a hundred or die.-LJ,
This shows what robust, healthy, widc-awakc,
Incorporate cu..' can do, ami how much work
he can lay out for crusaders TO dc.
young lady OF; in scdgwich county offers
500 Ia any Young man who will love her in
Kind and gentle mAuncr.-ET.
We know of Several young men who would be /
willing TO try it, and would I'LL tho bill-whic
her money lasted.
Here Is Louisyillc's La; blow at her rival:
When a Milwaukee ptt,- t,.ulds goes to mar
=. a II