Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-02-19
VARIETIES.
"Card-Bored" is the way a much
,alled on young lady puts it.

! "Card-Bored" is the way much
called on young lady puts it.
! The Douglas monum mt at Chicago
being half finished, work on it has
been suspended.
| A Terre Haute man, who has been
irving to make both ends meet, is liv-
ing on head-cheese and ox-tail soup.
According to the latest theory, as
Mormon marriages are not legal,
Mormons cannot be accused of poly
gamy.
An enterprising Chicago publisher
has issued directory OF the dead
beats in that city, and it commands
an immense sale.
The Iowa Senate is a heavy body.
The fifty members kick the beam at
S,527 pounds, an average OF lTOt
pounds per Senator.
Science and Sin" is the head
the Louisville Commercial puts on
prominent educator who rSn OFT with
ianother mans wife.
The following question is respect
| fully addressed TO the clergy: "ls q
person who sits in the gallery of the
church responsible for deeds done IN
the body?"
mike, why don't you fire at those
duck, boy? Dent YOU see you hav
got the whole flock before your gun:e
Il know | lave; but when get
good aim at one, two or three Others
will swim right up between it and
me-"
\ bachelor says il You hand a lady
a newspaper with a paragraph cut
out oft, net line of it will be read,
but every bit of interest felt in the
paper by the lady will center in find
ing out what the missing paragraph
contained.
The Providence Press tells of a
married couple who we're passinga a
jcwelry store the other day Her
attention was attracted by "per-
fectly lovely" pair Of ear rings. Said
she: COS! Ned, 20 buy 'em!' And
Ned went by 'em.
The champion wifc.beater turned
up in the Court Of Special Sessions
in New York. His better-half testi-
fed that he beat her Systematically
every day, and very often twice on
Sunday. tie beat her once too Of
ten and went toprison.
The Pekin Gasette is the Oldest
journal in the world II is printed
on large sheet ofyellow silk, and
appears in the same form, with the
same characters, and on the same
kind Of stuff rs it did 4 thousand
years ago. The only change is in
the writers.
\ residence in indianapolis has tho
following conspicuously posted up in
front:
"No young man allowed
20 come and court my
Darter unless
He has s250,00 10 pay down
On n house and lot
Balance in II q 3 ycarcs
For sail by me Within"
A story Is told Of German who
had made a small fortune in thi :
country by selling milk, and having
turned his capital into gold pieces
and placed them in two bags, heweut
on board vessel to take passage
for his iatherlaud. A mischicyous
watching an opporturiiN
seized one Of the bags and ran uptO
the masthead, where be opened it,
and taking out the money, dropped,
one piece on deck aud
the other in the water, until tie bag
was emptied. When the German
at last found speech, he exclaimed.
lie must .be dc Tuyyel, for what
came from de water he does give to
de water. and what came from do
milk he gives to me" Now if this
little story lie true, We are really sor-
nv that German went out Of the milk
business, FOX 10 milk-man we ever
heard Of, considered half and halfa
fair deal at all.
ARRIVAL or CmNEsE GoDs.-Al-
ludiny to the Chinese idols on board
the delayed steamship China, which
met with an accident 10 her machine
ry and came into port working only
one wheel, the San Francisco Bulletin
Of the 18th says: Much bilarity
prevailed IN tie Chinese quarters that
the gods had been delivered from
the dangers Of a passage across tho
seas, in a barbarian ship, and the
walls Of apprehension that filed the
temple for the past ten days were
changed 70 peans Of triumph. Ar
rangements are in progress for the
solemn ceremonies Of installation Of
the gods as soon as the customs
officers have performed the duty OF
inspection. 10 see that 10 oontrlband
articles are sccretcd in their ugly
carcasscs. The hidcous images will
he set up in time 10 preside over the
delightful festivities Of the Chinese
New Year. nov near at hand"
"Ephrahem, come toyour muddcr.
boy. Whar YOU b:n|
iPlayin' wid lie white folks chill
lun."
"You is, eh! See hyar, chile, DO
YOU want 70 broke your ole inudders
heart, and brung her gray hairs in
sorrow to de grave, wid yeereckium-
.. - -. p. 90. ...sf gift .a-nof-