The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1874-12-31

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Dion Boucicault takes great care
Of his splendid health. All he asks
is TO live long enough to dsamatiie
Webster's Dictionary.
Since the sbill of particulars. was
granted Brooklyn groces ars eel-
ting to be little more accusste.
They now sell beans by the dozen.
Horrible and awe-compelling q
are the accounts that daily reach u
Of the manufacture Of poisoned can
candy, yet, nevertheless, only give
the average boy fair chance and
he'll grab handful and run just the
same as ever.
Wonder If King David il handy
with sling--and whether he takea
it cold or hot.
Jim Gordon has made an acquain-
tance with the chills. but they're dc.
termined 10 shake him.
The Empress Of Russia and suite
will pass over the mount Gents rail-
way incog wheeled cars.
Ia Sweden, last year, they made
over one hundred thousand gallons of
superior whisky from sea NOSE. Al.
ter you drink it you can see most
anything snakes included.
Yesterday was the centennial ami
versary of the Boston harbor tea
scrape. They had grand tee-party
in the ro.unda Of the Capitol, At
Washington, last night. But tea
party is not necessarily tee total.
Nowittle boys and girls, keep their
play houses in perfect order, 20 TO
Sunday School regularly, say no bad
words, aud whisper up the chimney,
when no one is looking, "I'se been
very good, Santa Claus"
The sad thing about finding Char
lie Ross would be that Charlie Reade
would write another story.
This is the birthday Of Beethoven,
and his admirers seem to think that
his Symphonies beat Heaven.
There will be four clergymen in
the Forty fourth Congress. II is to
be hoped that they will not introduce
a bill-of particulars.
Since those new picture books have
arrived IRON the east, literary young
ladies are talking about the "helie-
trope' process. II is trope not
justified by the facts.
Josh Billings says that in the beds
of many hotels "yu sleep sum, but
role over a good deal"
One OF the Professors askel stu
dent to give him an example of a
mixed metaphor. The boy conf
IDENTIFY spoke up: "When my tongue
shall forget her cunning, and my
right eye cleave to the roof of my
mouth"
In giving geography lessons down
East, a teacher asked boy what
State he lived in, and was amused 1t
the reply, drawled through the boys
nose, IA state Of sin and misery"
A sharp-talking lady was reproved
by her husband, who requested her
to keep her tongue in her mouth. Ny
dear, she SAID, it's against the law TO
carry concealed weapons.
A converted liquor compounder
has been divulging the secrets Of his
profession. Now, if a coruer grocery
man could be got to the mourncr's
bench what world Of good he might
do.
The Boston Transcript asks
"What is the plural of Daddy Long
logs, and the New York Commercial
.idcertiser answers: "1'hcre is none,
it's always been regarded as sing
ular creature.
"llad hail storm last night re-
marked guest to California land
lord. 'SOh, no." was the reply, "only
few Of the boys shooting at the
Chinamen, and the balls ratified
against the house"
breakfast for ninety-nine,' said q
waiter to verdant clerk at o hotel,
not long ago. "Thunder!' said the
clerk, 1--WE can't do it," The waiter
explained that ninety-nine was the
number Of the room.
A fellow who hid under a sofa at
an informal Boston missionary meet
ing, says that the thirty-fve ladies
spoke twice of the down trodden
heather and more than hundred
times of new kind of hair dye.