The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1874-01-31
One of the Fy3F. Ws.
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-. .!s1EFs.l fg0RE
Mrs. lS seu1LI1s'' L. MOTHER Fl: OBJECTS TO
- III MUTTON.

Il made Mrs. Squills as mad as forty
the ether night, saide Squills ;'T had
left my latoh-key at home and had to
ring the old lady out of bed
Il hated to do it, of course said
Squills; but I could not roost out all
night on the door mat, and when she
came down she looked the reverse of
rosy, | tell you
Its extraordinary, Mr.. squills, you
can { think Of your latcS key. Making
mo come down night after right'-she
hadn't done it for year, said Squills,
waking me out of my first sleep, aud
catching my death of cold, and blowing
my nose half of with the rheumatisn.'
4 tried to look as sorry as irshe had
lost her latch-key, and Knocked zmc ou,
of bed instead, said Squills.
Never mind, Mr. Seuills; only wait
till dear baby catches the consumption,
and then you'll wish you'd never seen !.
latch; key, perhaps
Catches what, my sweet love p
Consumption, MIR. Sguils Latch
keys have brought more blessed babies
l~toa. their latter ends ssLan you dream Of
Mr. squills, and only hope my nose
Won't strike into baLy's lungs and carry
her off, that's all
i hope she would not be abduct"'
that way, said Squills, and then saw
| was In dor it. So, when | got up stairs,
pullod off my cont aud boats, put on
my dressing gaTn, ,lightvd my pipe, drew
my chair up to'ohe fire, and sat down to
wait iur tho hurricane. 1t wasn't long
coming She was sitting bolt upright
IN bed tis ;nssp 'nsthhe pillows, ana [ knew
that ano;at fight S.
~ Aar. sdu'lls, I'm sorry you bought
nutiou for 3to,morrsw. ''tsi.-'s 81
Why. my sweet lovc! -
's1,u know another never touches
mutton. " hat S TINT. So? Shy aculd
'"'S' Nv hei '"S 'ct ncl Eo. NO, nf
Squills, | sI.al not let her 20 aud |
shall not shy cold liter at her, | sup-
pose that disgusting wulga,ity ut the
lodge. a pretty thing, iu,!ecd a man
who calls himself respectable, telling
the wife of his bos ,,me TO shy cold
tater ut her own mother. Id have you
know, Mr.. SHuills, that my mother isu t
taat kind Of d woman ynu can t shy
cold potatoes at her with irnpunity, and
what's more you s. au't.'
:A Nor roast mutton either Isaid.
My family wasn't raised on cold pota
toes in old Virginia, Mr., Sguills, what
ever your family was WHAT'S the
matter vita mutton? Asked your own
heart, Mr. .Squills, icyou have a iaeart
You know you might as well set her
down to an,ess of wool. Aud then, as
that's not cruel enough, you want me to
shy cold potatoes at her. What's that
you say about rip Mr.. sqnills Did
you dare to say let her rip?'
4 tried to put in here aud explain
said squills, that l was only getting off
Rip Van Wrinkles joke, and that
didn't mean anything personal but it
wasn't of any use. She had got her
Shenandoah away up, and that isn't
stoppatle, you know, ia one nf the first
families l5#'
Don't insult ME with your beastly
jokes, sir. Tan you look that dear
infant in the face, Sluills, after telling
her mother to throw potatoes at her
grandmother, and to let her rip, all
because she don't like wool for dinner
And she shan't eat it, sir, No, sir not
if | die for it the next Instant, Sqaills,
Sho shall have a can of oysters and IA
| box of sardines all to her dear old self
in the Kitchen and I'd like to sue you
throw Q ,clod potato at her
This kind of argument was unanswcr
able,' said Squills, $50 sat and smoked
my pipe and she subsided. Just as |
was getting into bed, she looked up and
said, Mr.. Squills, don't forget to bolt
the door y
The next day, q don't know where
it came from) but there was turkey
on the table, and Mrs. SquilIs and the
dear old party from the Shenandoah
Valley were ali as smiling as you please.
| never said mutton once said Squills
A famous rat hunt has trkch place at
Witt, Montgomery county, Illinois. In