, 1874-12-13
HU;H0R.


| Scene OF tho drammez-A har-room.
| Boston proposeR q convention Of bald mau, te
| be held uext month. Probably to revlye tile ole
wig party.
The man who sang. Oh! breathe no more
| that simple air." went into the smoking-car
! where it was more mixed.
Artificial buttcr-making has never proved 4
| success. The difficulty lies in putting in The
/ haira 20 that they look natural.
! Mercury stole 10 from Argus, and now ths
| Arqus (Ak1ou) ia retgliating by stealing para
graphs from everybody Cincinnati Times.
| 4 young man in Cairo has just finished farm
ballad containing z. l00 versey. It reaches cleaI
ACROSS tho street aud would make four bustlea.
Why does fashionable lady at this tirno OF
year remind one Of an uncu1sivated sllrlbber7
wilderness? Because she is in furze, of gorse.
father at Dubuque makes his children ad-
dress him 81 follows. for instance "11ost re-
apected and rsvored father, III ta1e another ia
An Ohio Sheriff felt good deal OF embarrasH-
1ncnt on having to take to the Penitcntiarv q
man who had been convicted OF voting for hun
thrao times.
One OF tho meAnest things . Tennessee man
can DO is to blow out his brains at n'dance, aud
muss the ballroom floor 60 that further dancing
ia prevented.
twhen put my foot down, I'll have you to
understanl,' enid Mira. Nojoker. that there's
Eouothing there" On Investigation it Tas
found to be No, II shoe.
ssDoctor, what do you think Ia the cause Of
the frequest ruRh Of blood to my head -. Oh!
it's nothing but an effort Of Nature. Nature,
you know, abhors vacuu1n."
It now turns out that oatmeal doesn't make
brain after all, aud the Philadelphia editors who
laid in dozen barrels apiece for winter use will
bo almost mad enough to give it to the poor.
Tie English punsterB have used up their own
language aud have to mix it freely with French.
lste joke is, '.Why is it never high tide at Ha-
vre? Because there tha water is always lean"
An honest farmer. being asked why he did not
subscribe for newspaper, explained g. Because
my father. when he died, left mo good many
newspapers, and have not read them through
yet" :: .:
Tho fog was 10 thick in Troy early the other
morning that the Times solemnly AYERS Que could
not distinguish policeman from hitching
post across the street, it ne didn't know that
hitcnng- posts never suore.
It is related that at recent Democratic cele-
bration in Portsmouth, n. H., two colored men
carried banner with the strange device. We
are satisfied" Ye. in less than two weeks after
these two Democratic banner-bearaIa ran of
with two other mons wives.
snow, then," said physician, chceri!y, to 1
patieut, you have got along far enough to in
du1ge in little animal food, and" "No
YOU don't Doctor" interrupted the patient;
:.I've suffered enough On youF cruel and slope.
and I'd starya sooner than begin on hay and
oats.''
Queenio (reading)-" What does 's-o-t to
70. c-e' mean, mn, dearf Ms ito sony" Now,
George, you say Jou are getting On well at
school; SEQ il you can inform your SISTER"
Young Etonian with digpity)-'W Why, you little
stoopid4 surely you know 'sotto' is Latin fo1
sot and svoce IL voice. So Of courae it means
spoken in irankard's fredericksburg!
An amusing casa was tried in Kansas City
(Mo.) court the other day. One 1rishmen sued
dog, Pat:" ssked the Judge: II did, Yer
Honor" promptly responded Pat ;, "bTt n, divil
take me- it don't make him prove it." Ehe case
was proceeded With. and Pats guilt was estab-
Iished. Then, turning to the plaintiff 5ae Judge
asked, "What was your dog worth: Dennis
.sDl1il clint WAS he worth, sure. Yer Honor !
but, be jabbers, auze, I'm goin' to make him pay
the full value Of tho basto =
Itia told of the late Judge Benjamin Tappau.
Of Ohio, that when he applied to tho Judges OF
tho Supreme Court for admission to the Baf Of
that State ho was .skod tne 1o!.oM,ng aneS:.oG :
TaDpap. what is law?" Answer" An unjust
disttnbution Of iustice" "sr. Tappan, what is
equity ?" Answer-''A id imposition npon
COMMON sense I" No other questions vera asked,
and he WAS Eivan ccrshcate OF adnlselon'
4 bootblack was etanding near the foot OF JET
fersun avenue yesterday, aays the Detroit Free
Press, when stranger inquired: ~ Bnn. ls It
very fur from here to the Post Office - The boy
looked At him in contempt, and the man asked:
.6ay, bub, is it fur to the City-HaH7" The
bows look OF disgust increased, but he kept tI-
lenco, and the man raised bis voice and shouted:
fnT to the City-Halll" echoed the bog. III
1ou vanr me to talk TO you you'd hetser uae de.
cent gramner or say you mover went to school
It ali ~ - -