Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1874-07-10
VOL. XIX.--NO. so,

o
will that he only looked aghast; but
when he came to himself, he saw that
something must be done at once, or the
field was lost forever.
'You called me brute, Mrs. Swal-
low"
II did, Mr.. swallow
"a brute y
"A brute !"
"rll go mad and break things, Mrs.
Swallow"
"As you like, sir"
And Mr. Swallow did 80 mad but he
had a method in his madness, for he
seized the cheapest article Of delft that
was on the table, Can old plate with
crack in it, and dashed it into a thousand
pieces on the hearth, as if he was in
tremendous passion.
"How do you like that, Mrs. Swal-
low?'
VASTLY, Mrs Swallow, try it again"
Aud again he did try, for he had be-
come desperate, and demolished the cream
jug.
Now said the lady. cit ismy turn,p
and Jumping up she sent the slop bow
to keep company with its tea bowl com
panions
This was Of course too much for Solo
mon; it snapped asundcr the last re-
naming chord Of the little reason he had
left, and he slapped his helpmatc-wo
use the word in its most positive sense
on her right cheek but scarcely had the
echo of the blow melted into silence, ere
the indignant dame seized the teapot and
shivcred it into atoms against the head
Of the devoted Mr. Swallow Nor was
this all, for as he was rolling heels over
head from the effect of tho awful COLI
sion, she piled the remainder Of the tea
traps until there was scarcely bone in
his body which had not echoed to the
shock of cups and saucers, and rounds of
butter and toast.
Unable to carry on tho war any longer
that day, Solomon gathered himself upas
well as he could, and vowing vengeance
he stuck his pipe in his mouth, his hands
in his pockets, and then he commenced
whistling jig to the tune the old COW
died Of, looking as though he could bite
a piece off the griddle without setting his
teeth on edge. His good lady, too, de-
termined to follow the example Of her
lord and master in another matter besides
the def breaking, placed another chair
back to back with Solomon's, and after
providing herself with novel, as if there
was no such things in the world as beds
to make or stockings to mend in all Chris
tendon.
Here this adectionato couple snt for six
mortal hours, each bent upon setting the
other down, Illuminating the while upon
their relative position. But it must be
confessed that Mrs. Swallow had the best
Of the bargain, for independent Of Solo
mons mangled head, par-boiled neck and
shoulders, he saw as clear rs mud, that
the watch dial and the crockery must be
replaced so that the reducing of the first
chapter in his voluminous system to prac-
tice must be attended with an outlay Of
at least twenty dollars. This being the
case, might as well be hung for u sheep
as lamb thought he, and with that be
softly rose from his chair, stole silently
from the room, and turned the key upon
the gentle Mrs. swallow.
open the door this instant Mr.. Swal
low"
mot until have kept you here seven
days upon bread and water" returned
the victorious Solomon as lie went hisway
rejoicing
But alas how heeting is human great
ness--in about half an hour he returned
to see how matters were going, but scarce
" put his eyes to the keyhole, when he
began roaring like a bull, for Mrs. Swal-
low had torn every one Of his linen shirts,
Chat on his back excepted into pieces
to make rope to let herself down from
the window nor was this all for upon
further examination, he discovered that
she had also thrown a variety Of chair
cushions, bed linen. &c, into the dirty
yard TO make her descent safe.
@, chop-ftllen Solomon Swallow
The archives Of the Swallow family
are silent as to the remaining occurpen-
ccs of that eyontful day. but on the very
next morning, about seven o'clock, Mr..
Swallow popped his head from under the
blanket and said, Mrs. Swallow, dear,
isn't it time to get up =
i" Yes" returned the lady, "and you
may call me when you have lit the fire
and put on the kettle"
Poor Solomon. There was no alter
native. So he set about the work with
an alacrtg which showed that he had the
terror Of a broken head aud demolished
body linen running strongly in his mem
DRY. IN short, Solomon was a conquered
man That he had to prepare breakfast,
sweep the room, etc. Then next, bisas-
sistancc was required in the rubbing of
the furniture, and making Of beds, aud
before the end of the week he was initi-
ated into the mystery Of washing towels.
Degenerate Solomon Swallow Nay,
in after times, when the Swallows began
TO gather about him. it is whispered that
his better half used TO employ him at yet
more deeply conjugal Offices.
About five years after the celebration
Of his nuptials, friend called to sec
him.
"You must 60 with me to the theatre,
Mr.. swallow said the friend
"EIe shan't." said Mrs. Swallow.
lie must" said the friend, "and so
must you"
al may, but he can't" replied the
dame, ''for he must stop ut home with Z
the children