Litchfield enquirer., 1874-11-12
CllPPaM CS.

The authorship of Beautiful Snow" has been settled. It is J. Frost.
 It makes great difference whether glasses are used over or under the nose.
 When does the wind deserve reproof?- When it whistles through the house.
 Kissing fairs are held in Iowa to clear of church debts. It's ten cents per kiss.
 ''Darwin's Darlings" is the suggestive name of newly organized negro minstrel troupe at the West.
 Next in point ov meanness to doing a man an injury iz to do him favor, and every now and then remind him ov it.
 Robert Collyer, of Chicago, will not go to New York The Modern Sodom does not intend to part with its spiritual insur- ance.
 Politics, politics everywhere" said candidate, the other evening. ''Yes," continued thirsty constituent, "and not a drop to drink.
 What is the difference between the man who fays the young OK and the helmsman of vessel? One barks his steer and the other steers his bark.
 The Rev. J. R. Standard, of Indiana, sued a newspaper for libel and dropped dead within a week after commencing the suit. These fellers will learn few things by and by.
 Daughter: "Well, to tell the truth, I do not think much of the close of the ser mon" Father: Probably you were thinking more of the clothes of the con- gregation."
 The belief is becoming stronger every day in the East, that if John Morrissey should give Harvard or Yale College $25O, CO the Lord would commence an entire new account with him.
 4 ferryman who was asked by timid la- dy whether any persons were ever lost in the rivet over which he rowed. ''Oh, mo-" said he. ''We always find 'em agin the next day"
 An inquiring man thrust his fingers in- to horses mouth to see how many teeth he had. The horse closed his mouth to see how many fingers the man had The curosity of each was fully satisfied.
 Junior, scanning: ''Ln sig mis ma Rum GU jus dam it-.' Professor: ''Wait 14Ou4Cnts S3tdt AdSG NO lOI Il It, mark, but as a scansion it is a little inn perfect. = Trinity Tablet.
 The only unoccupied real estate in New York is advertised thus: "A nice three cornered lot in a cemetery, short, and just right for a fat man with only one leg"
 Lawyer-"How do you identify this handKerchief?' Witness-"By its gener- al appearance. and the fact that I have others like it." Counsel (cutely)-"That is no proof, for I have one just like it in my pocket" Witness (innocently)-'I don't doubt that, as had more than one of the same sort stolen"
 Jennie June says London milliners ad- yer ise their new "guinea" bonnets as a speciality. If some American milliner had wit enough to advertise "a five dollar" hat for ladies. aud had judgment and taste enough to give it look of style and simple elegance. she would make q for tune.
 4 negro Darson in the west. preaching against the love of money, concluded his sermon by saying: "And, finally, breth-5 req. you can judge what God thinks of money by the class of people He gives it to-"
 4 young blood dining at hotel was re- quested by a neighbor to pass him some article of food which was near him. "Do you mistake me for 8 waiter2' said the exquisite. ''No, sir; mistook you for a gentleman" was the prompt reply.
 Some one asked a clerical friend how it was that Mrs. Parson was never seen at church. "Well, you see." said he in confidence, ''she helps me with my ser- mons on the Saturday, and she says she can't be bothered lstening to- them twice." #e %&@ S.az
 Four children were lately born at birth-two of them alive-in the parish of Cusop, Herefordshiie, England. The cu- rate writes that the father, toll-keeper In poor circumstances. and who has al- ready four children to provide far. though naturally confused, seems grateful.
 The superintendent of Sunday school was catechising a number of scholars, va- rying the usual form by beginning at the end of the catechism. After asking what were the prerequisites of holy communion and confirmation. and receiving satisfao- tory replies, he asked, And now, boys. tell me what must precede baptism. Whereupon a lively urchin at once shout ed out, "A baby, sir!"
 PUNKIS PI-Punkin pi iz the sass of Nu England. They are vittles and drink, they are joy on the half-shelI, they are glory enuff for one day, and are good kold or warmed up. would like to be a boy again, just for sixty minnetts, and eat myself phuff ov the blessed old mix tur. Enny man who don't luv punkin pi wants watching cluss, for he means to do something mean the fust good chance he kan git. ....
 man who hadn't much talent for con- nndrums, ia attempting to get off one at a tea-Party at his own house, the other evening. got somewhat mixed. He intend. ed to ask the old question, "Why is q wo- man like ivy?" the familiar but gallant answer to which is, Because the more you're ruined the closer she clings." But he put it, "Why is ivy like woman?" which none of the ladies could tell. and 60 the unfortunate man himself told them it was "because the closer she clines the more you are ruined.
 Among a savage clan
 Of canibalish people,
 A missionary man
 Set up his modest steeple.
 And there each day he would
 Pursue his noble labors; sa A5 He told them to be good,
 And bade them love their neighbors. The cannibals, with grins. .-.-s[ .,-rer
 Gave ear to themes he treated: j. @ They crossed their tawny shins. ....
 And on their hams were seated. -.,u-, And yet they we're not lost. ID .A.
 That missionary's labors:
 He taught them to his cost
 The way to love their neighbors For one day when for prayers
 Those eannibals they met him, .... They caught him unawares- ..a
 They killed and they ate him! They said they found him good ..~-..-
 He'd practiced what he taught them And now they understood
 The goodness he had brought them.