, 1874-12-13

An Idaho man heard that he had fallen heir to
800 900, and he killed his wife the first thing sc
| that she would not want q new bonnet
Somebody advertises preparation for koop-
! ing lady's hands FREQ from chaps. report
that che has no money would do tue same thing.
| Last week st. Croix girl, in ft Of anger BE-
cause she couldn't get her foot into q small
shoe. seized d carying-knife and cut OF her little
| toe. '.''-
Mrs. Grant, OF Pennsy y1Tania, has killed eight
| dcer thus far this eeason, but there is many a
| day when her husband has had to mako his oWu
| bed
An Indiana Judge has decided that If q woman
| will shorten pie-cruet with butter at 38 cents
| per pound, her husband hns good grounds for
| divorce.
There is Connecticut widouer who declares
that nothing reminds him Of his poor, dear wife
| 20 much as3 to live within earshot Of q saw-mil
| during busy season.
| An Indiana woman dreamed that she saw her
| husband kissing the hired glrl, aud she got SO
! mad over it that she discharged the girl before
| breakfast next morning.
| A Cairo man warns people not to trust his
| wife, and sho retorts By Eaying that he'll go
without clothes all summer before she'll take in
| washing to rig him out again.
The prudent Fort Wayne husband hides his
| wallet out doors, and when his wife rises in the
| dead OF night to extract o dollar bill from the
aforesaid wallet she finds it not.
! Tho other day Binghamton girl offered to
! let countryman kiss her for five ceuts. II
| gad," exclaimed the bucolio youth, "that's darn
| cheap it feller only had the money"
| Paris has now two barber shops managed BY
| women. When business is brisk, the sidewalk
| in front OF tho shops is crowded with indignant
| women awaiting their husbands exit.
When that blushing San Francisco bride
showed the check for 81, 900. 200 to her husband
lie burst into tea1s and exclaimed, with intense
| fervor, And oven this shall not separate us !"
An Indiana man bet $40 TINT he could ride the
| ny-whoel IN saw-miil, and. as his widow paid
husband, but he didn't know much about ty-
wheols."
To avoid nortifying her lovor's family. who
are very poor, Montreal hciress was married
tho other day in o pla1n Swiss muslin costing
$50. while her unde,clotling was valued at
$1,000.
A williamsburg man woLo his wife tho other
night, aud, il Startled tone Of voice, informed
her thas be had swallowed dose Of strychnine.
We'll. you fool" said hhe, 'le still, or it may
como up"
On retiring from business wise old u,an said
to his son and successor :. Now, my boy, re-
member t4a: common sense is the best thing you
can bring to bear on every affair Of life except
loye-naAing."
An exchange, edited by an old bachelor, says
MAN bgcon1es sort Of elevated slave or SER
want to woman when be mayries." Probably
that's why the place Of sacrifice is called the
high-nlenid! 1ltar.
And now the head of the family, returning
from his ii club " through the sharp midnight
air, gently rolls his eleepipg spouse over to tho
cold side of tho bed aud sinks softly into tho va
Gated spot with sigh of thauktulness.
Two Davenport girls attempted the other day
,}t rl;v
aud whisky. Retiziug to their bedroom they
prepared themselves for the spree, but brought
tho experiment to IN end by trying the cigars
first.
The wifo of m American dentist sports the
most gorgeous diamonds in Paris. Little did we
think, when squirmDg around in that dentists
chair, and sucking in laushinss-gas and howlng,
that it was to enable this woman to dazzle
European society.-E1cadnge-
While 6pilkins was eating lunch in . Fulton
street restaurant the other day, young lady,
whom he had often noticed for her spirituelle
expression, came in and ordered plate OF u corn-
beef hash, cold" 6pllkius told his wife that
night tha: pbysiognomy was phraud.
4 man about two-thirds drunk, and bis back
covered with mud. stopped policeman on the
street and asked TO DO locked up. why. you
arc able to walk homo, aren't you ?" asked the
officer ''Ics, could get home oil right but
dou't want to, and yeu wouldn't il you kad my
comes inquiring round just gay I've gone to
T'ledo on 'portnnt ncss."-DetroA Free
Press.
A man rho was laboring under tho Influence
OF liquor yesterday opancd tho door Of the sit
tins-roon at one OF the depots and exclaimed:
:. want to get marx1ed-1'In worth million
dollars y There were sixteen ladies' in the room.
and man who looked around and watched them
says that every ainglo oIe dropped her eyes,
puckered up her mouth, aud tired to look loving,
including two women who were 10 years old
Brooklyn drgus.
Mrs. Livermore's blood bois and her. spine
riees when she comes to tls part OF her lecture;
Among the Brahmlns in Southern India When
the husband takes wife be binds around her
neck the badge Of ownership, al you bind your
badge Of ownership about the neck Of your spitz-
bergen dog. She cooks her husbands food,
stands behind and serves him, and when he has
finished his meal ehe eats whAs be has left it he
leaves anything, and it not eho gets nlong tho
best waJ shc can.'
Pause rash youth, II you are in tho habit OF
removing the postage-stamp from your sweet
hearts letter and pressing the underside Of the
stamp to your lips under the rapturous de!uslon
that the honoyed labials gave it adhesion to the
enyolope-oh, pause for Williams, or the Nor
ristown Herald, detected at the Post-Office, tho
other morning, his lady loves coachman apply
ing the stamp to the last letter she sent him. So
pcrishes forever another Of loves young
dreams !-Daa5ury Ne.cs.
A tall youthful-looking countrJman paid his
first visit to Baltimore u few days ago, and in
rited lady acquaintance to visit q theatre with
him. Tho lady accepted the invitation, and the
young man. following the crowd. walked up to
the ticket-ofhce. laid down fifty-cent note for
his ticket, and turning to his companion said to
her, Tho price is so cents" The lady hap-
ponod to have her portmounaie with her, and, !
appreciating tho gituation, drew from it fifty |
cent note, and her gallant companion passed itin
-1.k As~,1y. n1~.A-