Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-05-01
Hnmoruus sketebrs.


THAT EVER WORE HAR."-He came in
from Truckee Meadows yesterday, did this
level headed do. lie rode in by the side
Of his master on load of potatoes. He
was aot a pretty dog, not dog Of blue
blood and high degree. As he was . tail
gaunt, shaggy-haired wild-eyed looking
brindle beast of unrecordeG pedigree. As
the wagon. carrying man, dog, and pota-
toes, halted for a time in front of saloon
in North { street, one Of party Of half
dozen loungers thereabout made some re-
mark in regard TO the appearance Of the
canine, when thus spake ye horney-handed,
frowsy- headed tiller of ye soil:
"Fellers, that air amt a purity dog, |
know--he's like me, makes no pretensiOns
to material besuty-but he's just the dunn
dest knowingest dog that ever wore har
He's got more instink, that dog has, an
more sayey, an pen'tratiou, an insight
into human natur', iist in that ugly old
cabez o. his nor can be found in the heds
Of q whole plaza full Of yer edicated town
dogs-poodles an sich. What 1 pride in
him for is his regular human sense, he's
jis: the darndest dog out Now, ef l come
home from town perfectly sober when I've
lett him to see after the ranch) il would jist
do your heart good TO see that dog show Off
what sense Of appreciation he's got OF me.
"Fellers, his gorgeous tail then stands
aloft, he skyugles about: be runs on afore
me scraping mp the yearth with his hind
feet, sendin' the chips a flying; he holds
Up his head an barks in a cheerful an
manly tone o. voice escortin' me forward
an feeiiu' prouder'n he'd holded wood
chuck But let me come home full of tam
gle-leg, sheep-herder's delight and terrain
tiler Juice, and that is the Garndest shame
dest dog yer ever saw. He jist takes one
look al me an he knows it all. Down goes
his tail, he lops hi. years, hangs his head,
squats his back, an lookin' back now an
then he sinks of an crawls under the barn
actually ashamed to be seen about the
premises for fear somebody'll find out that
/ own him. l tell you, felers, he's the
cussedest dog for right on. au' out human
sense that ever was seed in these parts, and
Truckee Medders is proud that he war
pupped thar .''-Fron. the Virginia Enter
prise.
SHOWING HM OFr.-"Did you ever
happen TO gee Miss Betsy Nuttin' over to
our place ~
We were reluctantly compelled TO reply
ia the negative:
wall, she's the darndest hatchet-faced,
long-nosed, poke-faced looking OLD maid
you ever see, 'boQt li;y-two or three years
old, and she's jest been fgurin' her level
best to git fellar ever sence l was a little
boy. Sometimes she'd appear TO have some
little success, but il never amounted &c
much, til along last fall she managed some-
how to git hold Of a chap from somewhere
down in Pennsylvapy, and got him up there
and gin out all around that they were en-
gagged. He was an awful green-lookin'
critte:, but she KEEP him so close that no.
body could git chance to See anything on
HIM ony . nc. he and she rcnt out TO walk
and she stuck TO him like burr, and Used
10 sorter parade him up and down for folks
10 look at him, and of course the wimmiG
folks would all peek out Of the winders, and
the men folks used TO look at 'em some too.
Wall, one day, you see, they was pooty
much all the population keepin' an eye
L., n,
agin Bill Wilson's shop, hes a feller that
kinder tinkers up watches an clocks au'
sich, J aud ali 10 once the big wooden watch
that Bill has hung out for a sign catched
that Pennsylvsny fellar's eye, and what
did the darn fool do but stop right there in
the road and flourish out a great silver
bull's-eye he had and set it by Bills sign.
guess that critter didn't stay round more'n
about tew hours arLer that; and now, if
you drop into Betsy's and Ak her what time
it is, why you don't want to calculate
more'n thirty seconds Of that commodity
for gittin' outside and round the corner by
deacon Joneses.''
JOHN, 4" said the clergyman to his man,
''you should become teetotaler /; you have
been drinking again to-day DO you
ever take drop, yourself, minister" Yes,
John but you must look at your circum-
stances and mine.'' Vera true, sir
.aid John; but can you tell me how the
streets of Jerusalem were kept SO cican 2"
''No, John, cannot tell you that"
"Weel, sir, twas just because every one
kept his ain door clean
\ MEMBER of the Ohio Legislature re-
Gently visited the State Penitentiary, and
while there had his hair cut by the prison
barber While undergoing the tonsorial
process, a party Of lady and gentlemen yisi-
tors looked in, and the legislator was made
happy by catching such remarks as, Ugly
look about the eyes" Vicious mouth,
Looks capable Of any wickedncss, ,""Won-
der what he did y &c.
WILLIAM" !" said one Quaker to another,
''thee knows l never call any body names,
but, William, if the Governor Of the State
should come to me and say, Joshua want
thee TO find me tine biggest liar in the State
Of New York would come to thee, and
say William, the Governor wants to see
thee particularly
A New YORK politician, in writing 4
letter Of coincidence to the widow Of de-
ceased member OF the Legislature, says
II cannot tell you how panied was to hear
that your husband has gone to heaven.
We were bosom friends but now we shall
never meet again.
IT is said that an Indiana school mis-
tress recently thrashed thirty-nine scholars
in one day. Some Patron of Husbandry
ought to secure the right to exhibit her at
-Lhe next State Fair as the champion thrash
ius --IAAIisrille Courier Journal.