Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-12-17
Queer Conduct of a Corpse.

Nor many miles from this place, in the
year 1850, there lived an old mana
bachelor-who had no one about him
but the servants which he owned. He
was one of those peculiar creatures who
seem to be born into the world for the
mere purpose of filling it up. He was
cranky, selfish, unsociable, besides being
ignorant of the simplest rules Of polite
ness and the most commonplace civil
tiles of life. His principal trait of char
acter was his stinginess, which he
carried to such an extent that he would
even allow his entire crop of apples,
which was always an exceedingly large
one, to rot in his cellar before he would
give one to any of his neighbors. He
would sell them at the market price, but
in no case would he agree to deliver
them.
One dark, rainy night in the month of
December, in the year above written, the
gentleman at whose house l was Wis
itor was summoned to the old mans res
idence, the messenger stating that he
was dying. Three other youths besides
myself, who were spending the vacation
with me at the house of the friend al
luded to above, suggested that we should
all pay the old man visit and go for
his apples" Ripe for anything in the
way of eating or fun, even though it
should terminate in wake" we ju-
veniles proceeded on our Journey We
found the old man dead; the coffin had
been sent for and the corpse was ready
for the funeral. We soon secured the
key to the cellar, and the choicest apples
found their way into our pockets and
stomachs with the greatest rapidity.
While we were cheering the inner
man" tle party overhead were putting
the dead man and apple-owner into the
coffin. We returned to the room of
death, all looking as solemn as if it was
our own funeral, and found several of
the male neighbors congregated.
You're sure you got him screwed
down Tight" said one of the neighbors.
eyes," said the other; "but Pm
afraid the screws are not long enough to
hold"
"Well, suppose you go down and get
some apples and cider" said the third.
"'Twon't do" said another IF you
do, old B will turn over in his coffin,
sure"
" Well, We'll try, anyhow" said No. /
and away they went. carried the light,
and Smith the basket and pitcher We
fingered awhile in the cellar to drink
few glasses of cider, when all at once we
heard a noise, as if the top of the house
had fallen off, and the sound of retreat
ing footsteps through the yard was like
a stampede of cattle. "Listen!" said |.
whats that?" said Smith. Wereversed
the order of things quickly, 1 carrying
the basket of apples and cider, and Smith
the light. Smith led me a few lengths
on account of my extra ballast, but no
sooner did he reach the center of the
room than he dropped the light and was
out of the window in jiffy. came in
last, and was dumbfounded at Smiths
actions as | watched his figure receding
through the window, the sash of which
hung gracefully around his neck. At
last [ thought of my being alone with
corpse, and began to feel slightly por-
Cupinish about the head. The fire was
low, but an occasional flame would
flicker up and cast deathly glare
around the room. During one Of these
" t1ickers" | got sight Of the corpse, and
great saints alive!-there it was sitting
straight up in the coffin with both eyes
wide open, staring at me! 1t is unneces-
sary to say that followed Smith, drop
ping an apple at every few steps as I
drew it from my capacious pockets. I
never stopped to look up any of my illus
trious predecessors. Not bit of it;
but ran home, reaching there about
daylight.
The phenomenon was fully explained
to my mind in few days. Old B. had
died of rheumatism, which had drawn
him up almost into bOw-knot. The
body had become rigid, with the chin
most touching the knees, which neces-
STATED pressing and forcing to get it into
the coffin. The corpse, in order to take
its natural position, had forced out the
screws and had assumed sitting posture
Thus, what superstition had decided for
US was spiritual manifestation caused
by our raid on old BIS apples and cider,
proved to be nothing else but result
from natural causes.
Poor Smith! Until the day of his
death he assured me that scarcely night
passed over his head without his seeing
old B. frowning at him from his coffin,
and he never ate an apple or drank a
glass of cider without cold shudder
passing through his frame Neither do
L-CI0rksUtILe (Tenn.) Cor. Louisville
COLrieT-,J OuT71aI