, 1874-08-16
HunlOR.

An African conundrum- an intoxicstion
| like wasL-bowl? Case it am debasiu.
| .-'.Another hole in them pants ?" says fond
mother to her young hopeful. "What dread
ful ou~kueesy fellow you are!"
| -. What's the plural of pillow" asked an
| Irish teacher the other day. "A bolster, sir,
| replied his raTest unpil, amid the suppressed
| tittering OF the Whole class.
-progression is the vatchwo.1i OF tho hour
| but in Missouri mothers haul their disobcd,ent
| chlarcn over the knee and stnke on the same
Old spot that the Romans did 200 years aso:
| a gentleman had valuable miniature
stolen from him few days since. 20, neFer
mind" eaid the friend to whom he told LIS loss
! "ever5bodyl is having his likeness taken noNa-
days"
An exchange refuses to publish poem CON-
| monclng: 's I breathe on the face Of malden,"
| until the editor Knows what its author dzauks-
| "A raw cnuntryman, gazing st ga,dep in the
| vicinity OF Boston which ere several marble
statues, exclaimed. Just SEQ what o waste!
Here's no less than six ecare-croWs 10 this 10foos
patch, and any one Of them would keep tho
crows from 5-acre lot !"
! - distinction without difference" was
| what Kentucky farmer thought when seven OF
| eight men called him cut Of bed tho other night,
| amt compelled him to give them several Hides Of
bacon, saying they must hare food, Luts couldn't
steal.
Why should the opinion Of a person who
| docs not cheap perfumery bo BQspected2
because he is wanting in common scents
| business is lively in st. Louis dry goods
merchant there, in Git OF soulnambnliso1, arose
| from bis coIcl, neatly cut tho bed-luit i'll two
with his pockct-scissors. aud then asked Lis ter
rified wife If he could not Show her something
| etac-
| -Jo1Iiboy-''I se7, waiter. which did yoa put
| in fret. tho water or the spirits 2" Waiter
''Whl~ky, cir; and you soll me to fill it,up."
Jolibuy-" Oh, tha1's ell right; Invent cong
| 10 the whisky yet"
| a Lynn dog goes about the street with hia
| muzzlc attached to his tail, aud y blanket, the
superecrptGon OF which gives out that the dog
Law, which requires the wearing Of the ornament,
does no: designate the place OF wearing it. The
| Police Court is looking into the booEs-
els my face d,rty:" remarked J. Moridcn
Hartford hotel, the Other day. Dirty! No
Why do you ark ?" ''BccauEe that Insulting
| waiter insists upon putting towel bee1de my
plate. Ire thrown three under the table, aud
yet every time he comes around he puts another
one before me-"
Jones aud his wife was always quarre1ng
about their comparative talent for keeping tlr.
She insisted that jnst so surely as ho attempted
to rearrauge tile sticks with tho tougs le put the
fire out. Ono night the churcn-beu sounded IN
alarm, anu Jones sp1ang for his fre-buckes,
eager to rush to the couhasratio;1. " Mr. Jones"
cred his wife, az he reached tho door, ''como
back and take the tonga"
a man who hail been cruel to horse was
fixed the fine at one dollar, and the Justice fol-
lowed with speech '4This mars being tried
four times. gentlemen Of tho jury" he said,
land you're the first twelve that's had sense
enough to find him guilty. Bur. what under
heavens did you make jackasses of yourselves
for BY putting the fine at one dollar, after you'd
done an average decent thing Ta1nt any OF
your business anyway What he's fined. I'll look
after that myself. It'll DO sixty dollars"
This is how it happened down IN Southwest
Missouri:
Hs found rore and picked 1t up
And Will. it walked away.
It happened that to t'other end
4 hoEse was hitchec, they say.
--. They found . tree, and tied the rope
Unto swinging limb.
It happened THAT the other eud
Was somehow hitcnel to him.
a traveller on his arrival in the city, stop
ped for moment to examine q coat hanging ia
front OF clotn'ng store, When tue proprietor
some coats 2" II dunno but l would" re-
Hponded the traveller, consulting his time-killer;
aud ho went in and bcg:n to wurk. No matter
how often lie found Ais tit, Le called for more
coats; aud, after ho had tried on thirty, he
looked at hi5 watch, again resumed his own gar
mcnt. and walked Of, saying: t.. / won't charge
cent for what I've done. Hang a man who
won't otIige another when he can do it! II I'm
over around this way again, and you've got auy
more coats to try on, III do all can to help
you!"
Now TINT Frank Brewer, the popular American
negro 1niustle is dead, we will make tho world
present OF t1o stories about him. Tho first ia
Howard paul:s. Meeting Brewer one da,s, How,
ard said, " nm very Horry Il could not 1ttend
your fakher'a funeral last Sunday, Frank. I
hope THAT your friends supported you ID your
af]iction." "T-thousands OF EN-" replied
Frank the old houHo crowded-!sce t4ur72ed
m0ney a,cdy!' When Brewer first arrived in
New York. seedv after journev, the bar~kccper
ut tho Metropolitan asked him to pay for his
- What :" :ried Prank, aseonished at this M
usual demand. 'sYes,"-- aaid the .bar.keeper.
" it's tho boss orders-all strangers must pay
for tt before they drink it." ''G-gooduess!"
cried Brewer, ais it go in-instantancous in it
I fatal effects? ?"-IYornet.,
a thica-nocked nglv-loo1in5 chap, the wo.sa
for liquor, Was Yesterday te1rin9 around tho
ferry duck. anxious, a. he said, to maui gome
one to putty" lie stood upon q salt barrel aad
and hopped hia aruls aud croved avctory. Some
oi the bo:H hunted up - st. Clair Sam, Al he il
called, and Sam went down. uo il orcr 6 feet
high with fist like peck Of wslnuts aud uhen
be appeared the boasier got of the barrel - Kim
lick aug man in Detroit, eh 2" inquired Sam, az
ho took of his coat; * Want to maui some one
to putty, eh " he continued, as he uubuttoned
bis collar. Ho ~ith the thick neck glanced ~
Sam all oTer came to his senses, and walking
Up and extending his h.cd, SAID: "I've got ths
every-othez-day ager nad. and this 10 my age1
day. come an take suthin' hot-"-Detroii FTes
Press.
Not less than six American publishing
houses are now working the Jules Verne pl1ccr
King l. Baird, Of Philadelphia, a1d themselves
10 The list with new translation (not the Eng
- NJ hin. kA IT, r.. tH.