Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-08-06
THIS AND THAT,

usually largo this season. The only sat-
isfaction that people who are Obliged to
remain in the city get from this, is the
hope that the old bull mosquitoes will
loaf around the back yards at night and
eat up the tom cats.
A suffering broker in New York lately
asked another, who had bald pate, why
his head was like h-hash IN a b-boarding
house. The disguised friend, on admit.
ting that he didn't know, was Informed
that twas because th-thore's h-hair
h-h-here and th,therc.
A young husband took his wife to q
soda fountain. last evening, and looked
solemnly at the man who asked them
"what syrup?' said he would take
crusade" Imagine his horror when
she said she would try some too. He
laughed feebly, but the cold sweat stood
in great drops on his c]ammy brow; but
fortunately the soda man never lost his
presence Of mind, and while the husband
threw in an extra dose of crusade" his
wife made wry face over ginger. She
will never try "crusade" again.
Young America, alth ough usually wide
awake, in due time becomes sleepy, as
did little Dickey, one evening. His
grandmother put him to bed, and, rs was
her custom, read him a chapter in the
bible, remarking: "Now, Dickey, I have
read you u whole chapter; you must &C
to siecp." No, grandma, amt sleepy
now; read me another" The old lady
complied, and said: CHOW you must 20
to sleep; have read you two chapters
No, not yet; read one morc-rcad the
III, , 4
good woman do!
While a couple Of women were discus
sing the ether day the merits Of certain
physician, one Of them asked the other
what kind Of doctor he was. "Sure,
Dunno" was the reply" but think it's
an alpaca doctor they call him."
A man who was seen coming out of q
split open, one eye gouged out and an cal
chawed of, explained to q policeman that
he was not q subscriber to the paper-he
had simply entered the office to ascertain
if the editor was in. "And he was ip,''
he mournful1y added.
A young girl who had an offer of mar:
riage which she wanted to accept, sub.
mitted the matter to her father, who
advised her against matrimony, using as
an argument the quotation from st. Paul,
They who marry do we'll, but they who
do not do better" WELL" said the dam.
sci, IL love to do we'll; let those do better
who CAM
A little fellow five or six years old, who
had been wearing under.shirts much too
small for him, was, one day after being
washed, put into a garment as much too
large as the others had been too small,
Our six year-old shrugged his shoulders
shook himself, walked around, and finally
burst out with, Ma, do feel awful lone
some in this Shirt
The Peoria woman who wanted to
throw herself into her husbands grave 8
few months ago, has just married q. light
ming rod man. 49,.
"Have you damp sheets in you hotel ~
inquired the fastid ious old party at the
-. House, the other evening, after he
had written his name and handed his
carpetbag to the hall-boy, preparatory tc
ascending to the room assigned him. 81
don't think we have any on hand JUS
now" answered the bald-headed clerk
"but I'll order pair put under a faucet
for you, sir, Directly" Fastidious ole
party and bald-headed clerk adjourn t.
the bar.
A certain "Uncle James" of our &C
equal to his performance for the violin
was paid a delicate left-handed COM li
ment the other night by his little niece
who, on being awakened some time il
the small hours of the night by the hide
Gus performances of two felincs unde
the window, naively remarked: mamma
/ don't like to hear Uncle James play OF
Neutrality-suspicious. Press.
A party sat down at the Widespread
supper table Of a Sound steamer, upol
which one Of the dishes contained o trou
of moderate size. A serious looking in
dividual drew this dish toward him, say
ing apologetically: This is fast da!
with me-" His next ncighbor, an Irisl
gentleman, inserted his fork into the fish
and transferred it to his own plate, re
marking: "Sir, do you suppose tina
nobody has a sowl to save but yourself?
Fashionable milliner -" You'll hav,
the flower on the left sido of the bonnet
Of course, madame" Fashionable lady
"Well-er-No! The fact is, there's
pillar on the left side of our pew il
church, so that only the right side of m,
head is seen by the congregation. o
course, we could change our pew.
Fashionable lady's husband" Yes; o.
even the church, you know, If necessary
Fashionable milliner considers th,
point Punch.
Horse Thievs Hung.
ST. Louis, July 31.-The Demo
Gratis Kansas City special says Vigil
ance Committee Of about one hundred
men has boon formed at wellington
and other points in Kansas for hang
ing horse thieves. Three men named
Hasbrook, VIM. Brooks, and G. Smith
wcro hung near Wilmington last night
and mado confessions involving TWEEN
~ other parties. IS.
THE GRAssuOPPERs. -:@
+ Great .quantit les Of grssshoppers ap.
pcarcd il western and southern Kan.
cas-, and are destroying everything be.