The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-02-07

A Yorkshire COOK received hcr ldsl DastlnS III
this manner
Underneath this crust
Lies the Wondering dust
OF Eleanor BatchOr ShOycn,
Well yersed in the arts
OF pies, custards and tartS,
And the lucrative trade Of the oven.
When she lived long enough,
She made her last pull,
And now she doth lie,
And make her dirt pie,
In hopes that crust may be raised"
The Morris HeraM says Mrs. Patrick Hurlburt
of Highland, in that county, few days since
gave birth to three well developed babies, whose
combined weight was little more than u
pounds. Which is considerable baby for one
family
Gen. McCutchins, the republican nominee for
governor in New Hampshire, is described as zone
who tills his own broad acres, follows his pillow
in the field, and whose locks are busted with
clover and rcdtopw
physician in Ottumwa, Iowa, displays these
lines on his sign:
"God and the doctor we alike adore,
But only when III Danger not before;
The danger DER, both are alike rcqutcd,
God is forgotten and the doctor slightcd"
Inc Louisville COuFHr-J0urRdt alfirmS that
there can be no dsputing about taste, for young
lady Of that city was heard to remark the other
day that she always felt well If she had on pair
of nice fitting gloves, if nothing more.
A butcher recently found shawl pin in a COW
he was cutting up into steaks. 1t is supposed
the animal had swallowed a milkmaid.
The Troy Wing infringes on the patent Of the
Philadelphia Lec'ger, and says;
Bring out the Grape and toll the knell;
She's dcad-a lovely Lockport belle;
Her stomach failed away to get
With ninety oysters on u bet.
MAJOR Medill writes from Paris that nobody
in the city drinks water who can possibly avoid
doing So Hence Chicago man feels perfectly
at hemc.
Pope improved to suit the times:
Fortune and fame
From nothing squcamish rise;
Steal every chance
There all the profit lies
The Joliet Sun relates the following rather
amusing contietempS that occurred a week ago at
a prominent Chicago restaurant, and in which
four of the most fashionable ladies of Joliet cut
prominent figure. Says the Sun:
Having been trading with the dry goods house
of HOtehkss ~ Palmer, they expressed a de- |
termination to go and have dinner and were |
given by the senior partner the address of this |
restaurant, with the words on the back Please |
pay particular attention to these ladies, HOtch. |
Kiss II Palmer" On handing this TO the waiter |
with request for some tea he disappeared and |
soon came back with some steamng hot Mrs.
Moo Investigated and remarked that she didn't
like lemon peel in her tea" an opinion concurred
in by the other ladies. The waiter was called
nNnH nf hot Ia h,
duct he protested they had ordered ii and TO
prove 1t produced the card and pointing to the
signature triumphantly exclaimed IF that isn't /
hot scotch punch, what is it?' When the ladies'
had explained they were served dinner that
made glad their hearts.
new paper having been started at Chats
WORTH the editor eXults in the fact by announ.
eng that The new windmill is up and running
Ike mule with its ears pinned back"
Missouriaps know good article OF fun when
they indit The other night at house in Mad.
Isoh county, while the people inside fddled
some fellow outside shaved the tails Of about
forty hoses.
Beaver county, Pennsylvania, man threatens
10 bring suit against young farmer who persists
IN sitting up with his daughter Sunday nights |
VII Tour o'clock in the morning The stern
parent claims firstly that the following day, be.
ing Washday, his gal amt no account; secondly,
mat, II they would only use two chairs. the one
lAey do use wouldn't cost so much for repairs. |
We heard from the young man of the Kanka. |
kee Gd1ette the other day who seems 10 have dol |
.cate reductions about raising hcnsn lie in. |
iorhs us that it is more quiet business Than
newspaper life Likely Wilmington Herald
lhey have mud-hole in Bennington so deem
.ha' small children are frequently lost in il, and
tAe 'a's''s says; I'VE don't care anything about
IT. cause our folks are just out Of children; but
iol tue sake OF our suffering neyhbors. we call
attention to the matter,
There is man at the Kittery Navy Yard who
has whistled continuously for nine yo,r. and
why sO"leoouy mas not killed him is "a mystery to
the Danbury Yers man.
NOW that sieighng has come, the Young ladiss
nave got up new song with a chorus like tbis.
"Sgueedgc me, Joe! squeedye mo To-,
It's orful jolly, and that YOU know
Squeedge me, Joe! squeedge me Joe'
ana II you love me, tell me sou
II 10 said TO be mighty fine in cold ue,,h.r
both for "Joc and me-"
A Dubuque woman keeps baking powder and
arsenic on the same shelf, and her husband Is
careful how he offends her.
A German Psychologist has discovered that 20.
bacco smoking by boys "interferes with the
molecular changes coincident with development
Of tissues, and makes the blood.eorpuscles oval