The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1874-06-30
ITEMS.

witch.burners.
Cremation by sun process is to be tbe
name for suns.roke this summer.
"Hc handled hi. gun carelessy and put
on his angel plamagc," is the latest Wes-
tern obituary notice.
A Troy paper, writing Of the late FL.
der Knapp, speaks of incidents "n the
early history of the corpse"
Lilly Dale" of whom poets havo SO
chnrmingly sung, langui,hes ia n Chicago
house Of correction.
Out in Montana, when they start Il
man down hill in barrel, they speak Of
his appearance in new role"
These are the days when one hears The
phancy pharmer philosophi2ing over his
phosphates and phertiizcrs.
An Ohio debating club is struggling
with the question, (which eats the most
chickens-ministers or owls q
A Yankee editor has recently got ~
remedy i,r hard times. 1t consists OF
ten hours 4boF well worked in
MEXICAN editors don't care for an ex-
tended circul ttion. The less subscribers
they have the fewer times they are shot
at.
Fifteen years ago Washington gen.
tlrman -rtaiched his name on gold dol
lar ani >ent it on its travels He ha,
never seen it since
| China has streets paved with granite
blocks laid over three hundred years ago.
and as good as new. The contractors are
dead
A bit OF orange peel set good Iowa
deacon fat on his back while passing the
contribution box. Orange peel is very
popular there now
We cannot fud room for the song sent
US. beginning, "Fili up with wire your
flowing bowels" The spelling Is not
correct-Erchange.
"What kind of sausagcs is them ?''
queried an old lady of the young man Of
literature and peanuts, as he passed
through the train selling bananas.
A fortune teller has predicted that
Marx Twain will die this year-but he
is only going to start paper, which is
pretty close for fortune teller.
The San Francisco sea captain who
traded the ships Bible for thirteen plugs
of tobacco, is spoken Of very severely by
the religious press Of that city.
"Have you Blasted Hopes ~ asked
young lady OF librarian with hand
kerchief tied over his jaw. No, maaul,
said he, ''its only blasted toothache.'
\ goyerness asked a young lady why
beer in French was feminine, She re-
piled that i. was probably owing to the
fact that the men liked it so well.
Schoolma AMI ohnny, I'm ashamed
Of you. When | was your age, | could
read as well as do now" johnny
"Aw, but you'd different teacher to
what we've got"
Collins Graves, who rode so fast down
the Mill River valley to warn the people
of approaching danger, is said to be the
water.
A well.known San Francisco dentist is
having sign painted for his Office door,
giving his hours of business. It starts
of with "Tooth.pulling soirets will he
held" etc.
Among the candidates for admission
to West Point is one named Sauermilch,
from Pennsylvania. Should he graduate
he may do for frontier service, but he
can never represent the cream Of the ar
my.
A Southern paper issues the following
notice "Many people ask for papers Ut
this office who wrud scorn to beg five
cents; yet that is the price charged ior
q copy. We hope they viii see the
point
A paper tells story about shop
keeper, who advised lady customer to
buy two mohair switches instead Of one,
as the article was becoming scarce. He
said that the man whom he hired 10 hunt
NOES had only caught two within fort
night.
A Scotchman went to a lawyer once
for advice and detailed the circumstances
of the case "Have you told NE the
facts precisely as they occurred - asked
the lawyer. "Oh aye, sir" replied
he II thought it best to tell ye the
plain truth Ye can put the lies into it
yourself"
\ New Castle, Delaware, woman has
been tolerably thrifty since her marriage.
During the twenty four years of her con-
nubal joys she has added darling hope
: full yearly to her blossoming household.
= She has now twenty.three, and don't ex-
pect to do better than she has done in the
years to come.
A Detroit female, breathing hard and
carrying a large hickory cane, ran down
the street, the other morning, iuquiripg il
: anybody had seen a "small, cross.eyed
{ man anywhere along here" Several
, persons asked, Whats the matter
But she hurried on, saying "Hayn't time
now; | want to get my paws on the
e fawning sychophant foT just minute -
: Mr. Halstead is no chicken, aud there
! is nothing verdans about his observations
In personal appearance it may be said
that he is gifted, his physical charms
fairly emulating the virtues Of the good
. Deacon Richard Smith He is also 3
> poet, aud has written much of a senti-
' mental and romantic character for the
periodicals of his native country. His
!. idyl upon "The Young Girl, Maria, and
:, that wierd epic beginning;
:, The boy stood on the burning deck,
Selling peanuts by the peek
d Beside him stood the girl in blue,
|. Who said she'd take peck or two
b will long live as evidences of talent toI
70 mctrical composition prematurely abau'
!. doned for the unmusical realities OF jour
nalism. - Courier Journal,