The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-08-25
AUNT SUSIE'S BEAU.

AdOo uO keep bJlH u mlHuIe my ueau
whirls round like a cider-mill with your
continual elaboration Silas says, that
folks out to Washington want to diskiver
everlastin' motion-fnd something or moth
er that'll keep a-goin' forever and never
want to stop--and it seems to me as if
you'd all got it What is the matter,
now ?"
"Aunt Susy," said Nell Gorham, the
youngest of the gay trio of girls, "we were
disputing about your affairs Mag Reed
says that you must have had beau some
time, and got disappointed in him, OF
something of the kind Kate Smith says
fudge to everything Mag and propose |;
and now, aunt Susy, if there has been any
romance about your life, be kind enough to
enlighten us, just to tease Kate Smith, if
nothing more !"
Yes, do, aunt P' put in Margaret Reed,
from the corner of the cosy lounge, "tell
us about your beau, and I'll give you this
handkerchief the moment I've PUT the last
stitch of embroidery on it, Please, aunt
Susy, tell us all the courtship - Margaret
was curious in such matters.
Aunt Susy looked somewhat annoyed,
but seeing it was no use to oppose the re-
quest of the girls, she settled herself back
in her rocking-chair, took up her inter-
minable stocking again, gave preparatory
hem and began.
"Thirty years ago was younger than
am now, though perhaps you won't believe
it, but the fact of it is, girls, when you
have lived as long as have, you'll be as
old as am, and like as not full as grey
headed, If you don't color your hair with
hair-dye, as hope you won't. Colored
hair is desate on folks, just like showin'
false colors in the army, it's apt to get peo-
pie into difficulty. Now, there was Sam
uel Hughes-good, smart young feller as
there was in Lynashtown; owned big
farm, and yaller house, and a grey hoss.
Almost any gal would have been glad to
hev had him, but somehow Sam was kind
er hard to please. Byne-by, a stylish crit
ter from the city, all fiounces and FUNNY
diddles, came to visit Mahala Brown,
Squire Browns darter, Victory Aurill, her
name was and in fortnight all the fell
lers was nigh about rayin' after her.
Seemed as if some of 'em would turn into
crazytics, and hev to be hurried to the In
sane Asylum house."
"Wall, Victory she had the reddest
cheeks, and the whitest forrad, and the
brownest hair you ever seen, and her teeth
was jest like white airthen. Everybody
said, what beautiful complexion Miss
Aurill has got and Victory, she got SO
stuck up with their soft-soapin' that she
wouldn't hardly speak to common folks
Sam Hayes fell inl love with her the hardest
kind and the perdicament of his heart,
'cording to his own account was alarmin'
Sometimes, he said, it beat so hard that all
the town might of heard it, if they had
only been harkenin' ana then agin, it
stopped beatin' intirely, and he felt jest as
if he was nigh on to giving up the ghost
The doctor said that nothin' allied him but
eatin' too much fish, and drinkin' cider,
but Sam said, it was all his love for Vic
tory. One day 1t was purposed that all the
young folks in Squashtown should 90 q
pic-nicking, kinder of party you know,
and they got sot on havin' their time over
in Paul Horns woods ON tother side of
Tadpole river. They went across on RATS,
and Sam Hayes undertook to git Victory
over on his little fishin' raft. Victory she
got skairt, and Sam tried TO comfort her
by kissin' of her kinder sly, and Victory
struck at Sam to keep him away, and in
the scrabble she fell off from the raft into
the river. Save me, Sam save me ! I'm
a drownded woman Sam Sam = scream
ed Victory, turnin' over and over in the
water, and thrashin' round the master and
Sam jumped right in after her. and in teW
minutes had her onto the raft again But
lawful sakes where was her hair, and
where was her red cheeks, and where was
her white teeth Her own mother wouldn't
knowed herj Her hair had turned as
grey as rat, her skin was all yaller and
puckered, and as for her teeth, they warn't
there Everything about her face worth
lookin' at had cleared out intirely! She
was a sight to be seen The water ye see,
had washed the paint off of her face, and
the dye-stuf out Of her hair, and there she
was, as homely an old gal as was ever
creationed. Sam, be never sed a word,
but jet clapped his hand on his stomach,
and streaked it for home. If you want TO
make him mad, jest say Victory Aurill to
him. So, my advice, to you, gals, is to let
paintin' yer hair and faces alone unless