The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1874-10-30
Pith and Point.


More than six hundred.
Pith and Point.
A TEA never INDUCED in by gossips-
Charity.
THE hardest thing to deal with-An
old pack of cards.
Undertaker's motto circumstances
alter burial cases.
BREACH of good manners-For ruin to
stare you in the face.
WHY is screw in tight like screw
IN loose +? Because it is insecure,
THE coal merchants favorite apho-
rlsm-One good ton deserves another.
A LITTLE girl said of her ill-tempered
uncle: He hasn't got a single laugh
in his face"
SHE dyed for me-" said the young
husband when he beheld her dark locks
gradually returning to their original red.
THE beet has its admirers. and there
be those who upheld the merits of the
cabbage bat all agree that the onion Is
a soup herb production.
THE Sturgis, Mich, Journal keeps
| the following two items in close prox-
| unity to each other: "Bustles are the
style again "Old papers for sale at
| this Office"
FATHER CHAUcER was sound ON
the main question. Witness "What
is better than gold? Jasper. What is
| better than jasper? Wisdom. What is
better than wisdom? Woman. What ia
better than woman? Nothing"
A SAGINAW poet writes of his native
place:
Won'st the red Injun here took their delights,
Fish't, fit and bled.
Now most of the Inhabitants is whites,
| With nary red..
A PROMISING youth of nine summers.
| in Western Massachusetts,, at a school
recently relieved his over-burdened
mind as follows:
Lord of Love. look down from above
| Upon us little scholars
| We have fool to teach our school,
! And pay her twenty dollars.
/ HEARING that his pastor intended to
preach on the recognition of friends in
heaven, a parishioner suggested that he
should preach on the recognition of
friends on earth, since he had been sit
ting in his pew twenty years without
being recognized by the occupant of the
next.
She saw him on his bright blue steed
| busting down the road
| And pit pat and pit pat
| Her little heartfelt COED;
/ And soft she sobbered to herself
| "Though swift his PAGES be,
| He cannot kite so fast but what
My heart keeps up with he."
MARRIAGE ExTRAoRDINARY.-A re-
markable marriage recently took place
in British India in the presence of
| large congregation. The bride had no
arms, and the ring had to be placed
on the third toe of her left foot. At
the conclusion of the marriage cere-
/ IL - H. L
the pen with her toes, in a very decent
:" hand"
| AN exchange, ridiculing the country
fairs, which make no effort at good.
shows, says that one in Vermont con-
sisted of a calf, goose, a pumpkin, and
a horse. 1t rained SO hard the first
night that the goose swan off, the calf
broke loose and ate the pumpkin, and q
thief prowling about mounted the horse,
and drove the calf before him, and so
ended the fair.
A SAVANNAH paper says IF pail
of water be placed within six inches of
either side of the stem of a pumpkin or
vegetable marrow, it will in the course
of the night approach it, etc. A still
more extraordinary phenomenon has
been observed in Buffalo. There is a
man in that city who will approach o
barrel of whisky either by day or night,
even if it were placed six feet away from
him.
A STORY is told of San Francisco
woman who was in the habit of receiv-
ing frequent castigations at the hands
of her husband, and who one day read
the Bible story of Samson and Dellah.
When next her consort was prone In
E sleep she sheared him SO completely
that every spear of hair disappeared
! from face and head. Rousing from his
8 slumber like giant refreshed, he speed
,, ily comprehended the situation, and
, reached for her. Such q caressing as
she then received she never dreamed of
before. She did not even have the usual
: grip on him. He was fined, but she
declared her utter disbelief in those BIZ
. BILE yarns.
The World Without Sunday.
Think how abstraction of Sum
day would enslave the working classes,
with whom we are identified. Think of
, labor thus going on in one monotonous
and eternal rack, fingers forever strain
: ing, the brow forever dropping, and the
loins forever aching, the restless mind
forever scheming. Think of the beauty
it would efface, the merry-heartedness
it would extinguish, the giant strength
it would tame, the resources of nature
, it would crush, the sickness it would
bring, of the projects it would wreck,
J the groans it would extort, the lives it
: would immediate. and the cheerless