The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1874-06-25
The Undertaker's Chat.
BY MARK TWAIN.

"Now, that corpse" said the under
taker, patting the folded hands of the de-
ceased apprOvingly, "was brick-every
way you took him he was a brick. He
was so real accommodating and so mod
est-like in his last moments. Friends
wanted metallic burial case-nOthing
else would do. couldn't get it. There
warn't going to be time-anybody could
see that. Corpse said never mind, shake
him up some kind of box he could
stretch out in comfortable, he warn't
particular bout the general style of it.
Said he went more on room than style,
anyway, in last final container. Friends
signifying who he was and wher' he was
roust out such gaily thing as that in a
little country town like this. What did
the corpse say? Corpse said whitewash
his old canoe and dob his address and
general destination onto it, with black
ing brush and stencil plate, long with a
verse from some likely hymn or other,
and pint him for the tomb, and mark
him G. o. d., and just let him flicker.
He warn't distressed any more than you
be-on the contrary just as cam and col
lected as hearse-horse said he judged
that wher he was going to body would
find it considerable better to attract at
tention by picturesque moral character
than a natty burial case with a swell door
plate on it. Splendid man he was. I'd
ruther do for corpse like that'n any
I've tackled in seven year. There's some
satisfaction in buryin' man like that.
You feel that what you're doing is ap
preciated. Lord bless you, SOS he got
planted before he got spilled, he was per-
fectly satisfied; said his relations meant
well, perfectlywell, but all them prepa-
rations was bound to delay the thing
more or less, and he didn't want to be
layin' around. You never see such
clear head as he had-and so cam and
cool. Just hunk of brains-that is
what he was. Well, the relations want
ed lurid funeral, but corpse said he was
downon fummery-didn't want any pro-
cession-fill the hearse full of mourners,
get out stern line and tow him behind.
He was the most down on style of any
remains I ever struck. Abeautiful, sim
ple-minded crcature--it was what he was
you can depend on that. never see
man snuffed out so sudden. All, it was
a great loss-it was n powerful loss to
this poor little one-horse town. Well,
well, well, ai'nt got time to be palaver-
ing along here-got to nail on the lid
and mosey along with him and if you'll
just give me lift we'll skeet him into
the hearse and meander along. Relations
bound to have it so-don't pay no atten-
ton to dying injunctions, minute corpse
is gone; but, if had my way, if / didn't
respect his last wishes and tow him be-
hind the hearse I'll be cussed. consider
that whatever corpse wants done for his
comfort is little enough matter, and
man amt got no right to deceive him or
take advantage of him; and what
ever corpse trusts me to do l
am a'going to do, you know, even If it's
to stuff him and paint him yaller, and
keep him for keepsake. You hear me-"
He cracked his whip and went lumber
ing away with his ancient ruin ofa
hearse, and continued my walk with g
valuable lesson learned-that healthy
and wholesome cheerfulness is not neces-
sarily impossible TO any occupation The
lesson is likely to be lasting, for it will
take many months to obliterate the mem
ory of the remarks and circumstances
that impressed them.