The Portland daily press., 1874-03-19
TERMS $500 PER ANNUMIN ADVANCE.
THE PRESS.
THURSDAY MORNING. MARCH 1s, "a
Gossip and Cleaning.

Gossip and Cleaning.
To the great soul the presence of a superior
is the greatest of blessings. Parker.
Marvellous escape of nine young men.
Nine young ladies took the black vail last
week.
Horace Greey used to say that he had
rather see an old woman take snuff than to
stand before the finest painting in The world.
Ihere IS woman in LIE Mars, Iowa, who
calls the "cerebro- spinal meningitis" the
"serlous old final come and get us.''
A man out West was offered a dish of mac
caroni soup, but declined it declaring thew
couldn't play off any billed pipestems on
him."
THE ANCIENT MAIDEN's LAMENT
have mouth for kisses,
No one to give or to take;
have heart in my bosom
Beating tor nobody's sake.
The editor of a New York childs paper re-
ceived letter from lady subscriber recently,
in which was written, sour Annie died last
week, after reading the last number OF your
valuable paper"
A young doctor in Norwalk spends his
leisure hours in practiclng ON the cornet. and
passers-by, thinking that an amputaton is
going on inside, are deluded as to the num-
Der of his patients. .r...
Says Washington, g.,
81 hope shan't see
My elm used like that of old Paddock;
If its fate is thus met,
1 shall always regret,
That ever fought under Braddock."
A young lady in Gloucester is charged with
keeping her light burning in the parlor unit
very late on Sunday night, in order to har-
row the sensitive feelings of an envious neigh
Dor into the belief that she has really got
beau.
Detroit Free Press: Charles Williams, of
Portland, has been burned out Of house and
home seven times within a year, and is now
waiting for warm weather, so that lie can
build raft and live ON horse-pond.
A Delaware man has been taking cod-liver
oil for four years to cure the consumption
and has just found out that he never had any
consumption. He is the maddest man in
America, and his children haven't said "boo''
for week.
A Western minister told tbe young ladies
of his congregation that the first step to ruin
was an ostrich feather and yard of gay col
ored ribbon. One o! his hearers having occa-
sion, the next day, to use sor1e ribbcn, asked
the clerk for three more steps to ruin.
Master inspecting new horse, sent home
last night; ''H'm! ha! Dent like him so
well as did yesterday! Don't like his shoul-
ders! Don't like his forelegsr' (Pause.) II
say, Charley, do you think it is the one /
bought?"
Detroit Free Press: "Who hath woe? 2"
inquiries the Brooklyn argus. Well, there's
a compositor on this paper who lives next
door to an old maid with five parrots, and a
family with base drum, harp, and fiddle
lives across the way. Do you refer to him ?''
The latest precocious saying is by an infant
on the Pacific coast. She had torn one of
her nails to the quick, and going to her moth
er, while the pain filled her eyes with tears,
said, holding up her wounded finger, "Mam-
ma, I dess shall have TO 60 up to heaven
and dit anozzer put on"
speaker celebrating Washington's birth
day, who was little frustrated at being snd-
denly called to his feet to respond to the
first toast, began his remarks by saying:
"Washington was a great and good man, Mr..