The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1874-07-09
THE STANDARD.
Miscellaneous.


Miscellaneous.
A Wisconsin minister was dismissed
from an orthodox pulpit because he built
fire under balAy horse
When deaf and dumb lovers are mar
ried, two members of the wedding party
are sure to be unspeakably happy.
Bayard Taylor has procured the private
correspondence that passed between Jo-
seph and Potiphar' s wife. Sly boy.
"He has left void that cannot easily
be filled" as the bank director touching
ly remarked of the absconding cashier.
Sunday School teacher-''Next Sunday
we'll have the death of Moses" Over
joyed pupil-"Then he did die at last
Green Bay has decided that a widower
ought to mourn at least three weeks be-
fore shying around for a second wife.
A Missouri man who swopped wives
with another Missourian got a cow, thirty
good steel traps, and four children ito
boot.
thirteen cents, but they keep on calling
Excursion tickets to participate in
the festivities attending the execution of
Jim Davis, are advertised at half price
in Texas.
The Peoria woman who wanted to
throw herself into her husbands grave a
few months ago. has just married light
ming rod man.
A Kentucky farmer says that three
good bull dogs roaming in the yard nights
will do more to keep men honest than
all the talking in the world.
Henry Ward Beecher says that if any
college should put two DIS after his name
he should feel inclined to put dash be-
tween them and send them back
A Kansas boy earned nice Bible by
committing three hundred verses to
memory, and then he traded the Bible
for shot gun and accidentally shot his
aunt in the leg.
A new style of boys trowsers has been
invented in Boston with copper seat,
sheet iron knees, riEeted down in the
seams, and water proof pockets, to hold
broken eggs.
A German physicist proposes to make
poplar trees do the work of lightning
rods. If by this means he can succeed
in doing away with lightning rod peddlers
we can't see why this shouldn't be a
poplar method.
A Nevada paper says: "There was no
regular trial in the case of John Flan-
ders yesterday. He had an interview in
the woods with few friends, however,
and it is perfectly certain that John won t
burgle any more"
Naughty young Indianapolitans are
immersed in water barrels by their fond
mammas until they promise not to go
fishing with Bill Jones again. This is
called moral suasion, and doesn't break
child's spirit like whipping.
what is heavens best gift to man p
asked a young lady, the other night,
smiling sweetly on a pleasant looking
clerk.
ga hossl" replied the young man, with
great prudence.
A very touchy. husband told his wife
they could not agree, and must divide
the house.
'very we'll" said she. "you can take
the outside.
An lrishman engaged in fighting o
duel insisted as he was near sighted, that
he should stand six feet ne arer his antag
onist than his antagonist did to him.
An old seaman, at q religious meeting
recently held in New York, in relating
his experience, stated that when at ses
in storms and tempests, he had often de
rived great consolation from that beau
tiful passage of scripture, Faint heart
never won fair lady"
Il tell you," said Wisconsin man tc
a neighbor next day after burying his
wife, when l came to get into bed and
lay thar, and not hearing Lucinda jawing
for an hour and half, it just made me
feel as if I'd moved into strange coun
try.
my dear boy" said a fond aunt to 6
very fast living nephew, don't you know
that in leading this irregular life you are
shortening your days p
"It's quite possible that 1 may b.
shortening my days, but then look how
am shortening my nights was the
reply.
Conversation between an inquirinl
stranger and steamboat pilot:
THAT is Black mountain p
ayes, sir; highest mountain above
Lake George"
"Any story, or legend, connected will
that mountain r
Lots of 'em. Two lovers went VI
that mountain once and never came bach
again"
"Indeedl What became of them?'
"Went down on t'other side"
1t is announced that man who las
season had 5000 worth of trunks de
stroyed by the baggage smashers' ha.
had five new ones made to order anc
supplied with compartments containing
five pounds of nitro glycerine. He pro
poses to travel from Maine to Texas, GOV
ering all the watering places, and will
have Coroner along to hold inquest
on the victims
The following is an instance of the "se
Verely calm" style of the Western re
portorial description
Yesterday morning boy sauntereC
mp to yard on Eighth street, where
woman was scratching the bosom of tn,
earth with rake, and, i leaning OF
the fence. said:
"Are you going around to the bacl
yard, after while?'
The woman said she didn't know
maybe she would. Why?
Because" the boy said. II just say
the cistern lid drop on the baby's head
a minute ago, and thought If you wen
around you might lift it off
1t is currently reported that the woman
went.
Ye editor sat in his rickety chair. a
81 ia1 I, r.