The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-05-30

Squills declares that his wife is always taking
some kind of a mean advantage of lin. "The
best woman in the world, sir, :" says Squills, " but
now and then she will act mean, and she can't
help it."
90 she was as smiling as a bundle of chips"
''Are your chops done to your liking, Squllls.
dear 2'
delicious, my love- s
al broiled them myself, dear.
81 knew it was going to be cold, - said Squills,
4" and when l got into the hall to leave, Mrs.
Squills was there with my hat in one hand and
my overcoat in the other"
"Squills, dear" she began.
81 thought it time to pitch in here, said
Squills, so | said quietly, How much, Mrs.
Squills9 Out with it, my love-"
Mr.. Squills," said she, don't be unmanly,
sir, l beg not to say ridiculous. Gussy wants a
silk dress to go to church in the poor child really
isn't decent you are very sorry ; well, so you
ought to be, Let her say her prayers at home :?
No, Mr.; Squi!ls; s. she sy fb9n uh atq Nf ct ss9H& Pf ag You're Ere
enough to aggravate a saint, and your conduct is
disgusting, and it's enough to drive a woman to
bolt off to Chicago and get a divorce"
81 thought this was a good time to fire off my
pet JOKE - said Squills, Z" so l said, : Mrs. Squills
a bolt is always in order Then l bolted myself,
for Mrs. Soils comes of a fighting family"
"When 1 went home at night, Gussy, dear
child, played all my pet Ofenbach music. and l
knew l was in for the dress, only L wanted to
hold out till morning, just for the look OF the
thing" atf
"For five years after we were married. :, said
Squills, IS Mrs. s. would persist in looking under
the bed for n man. It's the same man every
woman looks for, | suppose, because they all do
it. Well, failing to find the man, Mrs. Squills
finally gave him up in disgust, and took to some
thing else, l suppose" said Squills, g they all
take to something else after they can't find the
49, -o1o, Fbo 1ad - NTrc - . uvaoLooaa =
boiling the door. "Mr. Squills have you bolted
the door ~ is always the last thing at night.
"This particular night" said Squills, Mrs.
s.. was very dignifed and distant. "No familiar
tiles, Mr.. Squills, if you please; you wounded my
feelings in their tenderest point, this morning,
and 1 cannot forget, though you did, that l am
your wife, sir, and the mother of your children,
Mr.. Squills."
This was pitching in uncommonly strong, you
know" said Squills, "and l was about to sur
render when Mrs. Squills turned off the gas and
then coiled herself up in a pet, somewhere on the
outside bed-rail. Not even I" goodnight Squills. -
l felt pretty bad about it, l can tell you, but l
went to sleep. 1 don't know how long l slept,
but some time, when l experienced G kick in the
back, as if a playful mule had been tanning me-.
Perhaps it was necessary, as always slept hard. ,"
Nj. Sduills," at last | heard Mrs. S. say,
"Mr. Squills, have you bolted the door %
snow, l leave It to any man. said Squills
whether that is the correct thing for the mother
of a family to do? OF course, 1 got VI and bolted
that Internal door, and / said: Mrs. Squills,
why the duce didn't you think of boiling the door
before l wentto sleep, and not wake up a man in
the middle of a cold night to do it? And what
do you suppose the answer WASP"
"Why, MIR. Squills, - said she, 81 thOt' bolt
was always in order"
"What did l say? What could l say? And
the worst Of it all, . said Squills, "I'l be hanged
if she wasn't laughing at me; l could feel the bed
shaking"