Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1874-04-16

works in again you might give me the
Slip"
"Wen," said 10, Elk up the skull
respectable-like, and I'll trust to luck
to get it filed up"
"Must make one stipulation" said
Satan.
What is that ?"
"That you will not let certain parties
that shall name occupy any part of
your reconstructed skull.
"What parties are they?"
You see your head is off just above
Destructiveness, as the phrenologists
call it."
"Well?'
"There is big space to be filled, if
I reconstruct your skull on the old
plan"
Exactly" said 10, "and there are
parties waiting to occupy it"
"There's the rub, said Satan snow
I'll name such parties as must not be
permitted to occupy it.
$50 On" said 10.
"Well, to begin with, there's eau
tiousness. / don't want any Cautious
ness in your head; you might have
ruined great many more young men If
you had not been SO cautious about the
consequences. Next are Sublimity and
Ideality. Though Ideality leads a few
astray in the matter of extravagant
dressing, L know she is my enemy.
Poets, artists, the best writer's of all
ages. employ Ideality and Sublimity in
the conception and finishing of the best
productions. Sublimity was old John
Millions right bower in the construction
of 'Pardise Lost, in which he painted
me in such forbidding colors. I'm not
a particular friend of Sublimity."
"Well, what more? ?"
"There's Consclentiousness. On no
consideration must Conscientiousness oc-
cupy a place in your head. That faculty
has caused me more trouble than all the
rest. It's always interfering with
man who undertakes to serve me. Says
Pope:
what conscience dictates to be done
Or warns me not to do,
This teach more than hell to shun,
That, more than heaven pursue.
No. no Conscientiousness must not be
admitted. It's the still small voice.
i'll could have my way, I'd leave that
faculty out of every child that's born"
"lou are making good many vacan-
cies. ANY more ?"
Eyes, there's Hope. / don't want
you to let Hope have even desk-room in
your head It's always retarding the
lost sinners progress to hell. AS the
poet says
Hope springs eternal in the human breast
Just as I think I've got sinner sure,
Hope breathes into his soul an encour-
aging word, and away goes my sinner
toward the gates of Paradise.
Surely" said 10, "that is enough
of the old occupants t. exclude from my
reconstructed head"
"No, no." said Satan "I'm not
through yet. Human Nature must be
excluded. I ruin people, and espe-
cially young people, by hiding my mo-
tives and your young man or young
woman who has Human Nature divines
these motives, and lose my prize.
Still more exclusions"
eyes Veneration must be shut ont.
Respect for parents and veneration for
the Supreme Being arc.bad for me. 1t
costs a world of trouble to counteract
their influence when they have taken
roo: in childhood. Benevolence, too,
must be excluded, unless, indeed,
it be so very large that man will
cheat and lie and steal for the purpose
of having means wherewith to exercise
his Benevolence but this is so rare
that / think it had better be ex-
cluded.
81 hope You are near the end of your
prescriptions, said 10.
Zone more" answered Satan, and a
very important one, it is Spirituality.
On no account allow Spirituality to cross
the threshold of your brain. It's very
Jacobs ladder to heaven, and once
firmly ensconced IN mans brain, 1
may as well abandon Jim"
80 Is that the end q
"That will do do not think that
what good will be left can possibly keep
YOU from me. And now, to close the
/ business, must have a second mort
gage on your soul that you will fill these
vacant places in your skull with such
tenants as Destructiveness, that kills
his fellow-man; Secretiveness, that
makes men liars and thieves Acquis-
itiveness, that gets money for its own
sake, and does no good with it Com
bativeness, that is ever foremost in
uuarrels-these and their friends are
the tenants that must occupy your re
constructed skull"
"Your conditions are hard" said 10,
"and what if 1 do not fulfill them ?"
"Then / shall call for you at the ear
lest convenient moment, and you 60
back to earth no more"
"But il fulfill them ?"
ss Then you can stay upon earth as
long as you choose"
"Thanks, thanks !" cried 10 and
can arrange nay affairs"
"Your skull shall be made whole y
cried Satan, and without more words
his architects fell to work ON JOS skull.
What with pounding, chiseling, and
making the partitions, they drove him
! to distraction and to add to his horri.
, bic agony and terror, when it was near
, ly completed the walls began to settle
and the whole concern to lurch as if il
would fall. Then came the jack-screws
hot xx,--a mt ,,p1or 10, roioa ~ mn Thu