Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1874-05-01
gales a'.D ssste8es.
THAT PIANO.
OUR FIREslDR FRIEND.

My wife Mrs. AbsalOm SQulrklns) want
ed a piano, not only absolutely wanted one,
but declared in her usual Irresistible man
ner, that she must have one, aud desired
me to fly Immediately and purchase an in
strument of that description-as if any
pocket book was similar to the famous.
inexhaustabe bottle of Blitz: call for
what you desire-presto and you have
it.
Women are peculiar, my friend jenkins
says, though he generally makes the asser-
ton more forcible by placing a very strong
word before the word peculiar in itself, and
commences with q: but shall be name
less here for ever | agree with my
friend. In fact / agree most heartily in
every word, the d included and in doing
So only swells the number Of jurors who
have agreed upon the same verdict for
many years. Ny wife's peculiarity con-
sisted in marrying such an old curmudgeon
as myself, who was at least twenty years
if not more her senior vino had gray hair
in spots, and a pale mahogany face so
homeiy that it would serve Il model for
mask-makers of the ugly, and comical or
der. But l thought a great deal of the
young and pretty sharer Of my joys and
troubles, and, and money, and she had never
broken faith with me. OF course ! was
immensely fattered in being chosen az a
partner for life by her, in preference to
others younger and handsomer than was
or ever will be.
"Now, dear Absalom." said my wife,
clasping her arms around my neck in a
very affectionate manner, you know that l
ought to have a piano people that consi-
der themselves anybody, possess one, and
it is 30 vulgar not to have musical instru-
ment OF some kind in the house"
Then, my love, Hi get you fish-horn
or jewsharp," said heartlessly.
"Pshaw ~ she exclaimed with pretty
pout. you're always making fun of me
In this manner, aud you ought to be asham-
ed of yourself. l have coaxed and pleaded
and coaxed with you, all to no effect. Alb
SALON. l must have 4 piano, think Of
it seriously now, and do please me.''
4 do. my dear; think it matter Of, 49,
shem, very grave importance" and in
stinctiyely clutched my pocket book. six
hundred dollars, or more, thrown away on
clumsy spindle legged piece Of furniture
is serious matter to consider-yery.'
But won't you have the worth of your
money? 1t does not eat, drink, or sleep,
aud its safe investment
ALLOW me to contradict you there, my
DEAR said impressvely, you are some-
what in error. In the first place it isn't the
worth of the money-for money draws in
tsrest and that don't. Another thing,
think it does eat--its appetite being very
capacious. 1t eats, in the first place, at
one big mOuthful, 5000, and after that it
continually dimes on smaller sums-for re-
pairing, tuning, and all the other ills a
piano is heir to. 1t dimes on the most
costly dish-money and it cannot be doc
tered, like mortals, by soaking its feet in
hot water, or mustard plaster applied to
its back but must have money, also, for
medicine. | consider it terribly blood
thirsty animal-it drinks financial blood,
aud is a monster to Ilee from in terror =
Very good, indeed. But maintain it
is safe investment in spite Of your logic. ;
said my wife firmly.
Especially when the house takes on fire
and burns down. ! replied sarcastically.
It's like an onion, then, in more senses
than one ;-smell-Odious y
Your cherished money may be stolen,
WA the answer.
"A thief is often caught aud the money
recovered 1 replied with decision.
so can your house and contents be in
sured against fire or damage. But pshaw !
what is the use OF being so cruel, Absalom Z
Think how music will cheer me-employ
we'll roy idle moments.'
Fudge There's my shirt-buttons for
idle moments. Besides, there's the hand
organman plays outside every day, and the
fish peddler-'
But the climax had been reached. HUI
man nature could no longer bear up against
the bufeting of contention and opposition.
Ny wife burst into a food Of tears, declar-
ing was cruel and uDfeelipg.