River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-06-02
Wit. liaiaor and wisdom.

on It's guard.
OMAHA claims to have a Russian
nobleman in its telegraph office. His
name is Alexis A. de FefwinoH, and the
Count was exiled for his republican
predictions.
An Irishman remarked to com:
panion, ON observing lady pass,
''Pat, did you ever Sec SO thin 4
wollah as that before p" Thin p re-
piled the other botherashun I've
seen one as thin as two of her put
together, have.
AN interesting little boy, timid wheI
left alone in dark room, vas overheard
recently by his mother to say in his
loneliness, "Oh, Lord, don't let any
one hurt me, and I'll go to church
next Sunday, and give you some
money.
AN Irish post-boy having driven a
gentleman a long stage during torrents
of rain, the gentleman civily said to
him, Paddy are you not very wet2"
"Arrah, | don't care about bein' very
wet, but, place your honor, I'm very
dry
AhERIcAN, hooking at the long bill
just presented -" Wal, l guess you
air an old boss r Waiter" Old boss,
sir What dye mean, sir?" Ameri-
can" Wal, Just that you're famous
charger, for sure !'-Pmch.
A BENGAL paper supplies a neat in
stance of confusion of metaphor. Criti-
cising the income tax, our contemporary
/ hopes the government will not re-
peat the blunder of killing the calf
which daily PRODUCES Tie golden egg.
LYNCH law is probably based on the
spirit of an old saying. When despera-
does abound, honest people surrender
TO their leaders an "ynch, and they
take an g L. and make a code called
"Lynch Law"
CALAIS y said the nurse who attended
the witty divine, Sidney Smith, in his
last illness, 81 have made a mistake
and give you bottle of ink - "Then,"
said the dying wit, fetch me all the
blotting paper there is in the house"
A WESTERN orator who, warming
with his subject, exclaimed "There
is not man, woman or child in this
house, who has arrived at the age of
| fifty years, but has felt this truth thun-
dering through their minds for CEN
| turies.
| A PARTY of young men dined sumptu-
ously at restaurant in Atlanta, and
each one insisted ON paying the BILL
To decide the matter, it was proposed
to blindfold the waiter, and the first
one he caught should pay the bill.
He hasn't caught any of them yet.
IN THE SPRING.
In the spring fuller crimson comes upon the rob
In the spring the wanton lapwings gets himself an
other crest;
In the spring iveler iris changes the burnish-
ed dove;
In the spring young mans fancy lightly turns to
thoughts of love.
A GERMAN saloon-keeper in Millers-
burg says: Ven goes to mine bet |
sleeps not good. / dreams in mine
head dat l hears dem vimens brayin
and singing in mine ears dot Jesus
loves me. Dot bothers me, so / get
straight up and walk ON the floor and
take anudder glass of beer.
"OH, what do you think, Mr.. Lilly
brow? The other day was taken for
twenty-five, and | am only eighteen !"
Haw Wonder what you'll be taken
for when you're twenty-five p "For
better or for worse, Ihope y Mr.. Lilly
brow looks pensive. Punch.
A YOUNG girl who had an offer of
marriage which she wished to accept,
submitted the matter to her father,
who advised her against matrimony,
using as an argument the quotation
from st. Paul, "Those who marry do
well, but they who do not do better"
Well, said the damsel, 81 love to do
well let those do better who can.
In describing the recent debut of a
young lady, whose friends went into
raptures over her performance, Jones
says They applauded her when
she openedher mouth they applauded
her when she shut it they applauded
her when she kicked the stool; and |
very believe they would have applaud
ed her had she kicked the bucket"
ALWAYS have abook within your reach
which you may catch up mt You odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in little
reading every day, if it is but single
sentence. If you can give fifteen min
utes every day, it will be felt at the
endof theyear. Regulate your thoughts
when not at study. A man is think
ing. even while ut work. Let him think
well.
A YALE student has written twelve
verse poem, entitled, 1--WE kissed each
other 10y the sea" "Well, what of it?"
asks a western journalist "the seaside
is no better for such practice than any
other locality. In fact, we have put in
some very sweet work of that kind on
the tow path of canal in our time,
but did not say anything about il in
print.
THElawyers of indianapolis are tor.
turing their brains over an extraordina-
ry problem. Some years ago ladv Of
that city was married, and four months
thereafter separated from her husband.
was divorced and remarked Ia month. -
and four months thereafter gave birth
to child by her first husband. Quite
recently the second husband procured
n sFfat Il y