The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1874-05-07
CoNFEDaIT X RoAns,
(Wich is in the State NV KY,
April D 1874

Then 700 will git faint idee NV the
condiShen We WuZ in.
AT last Que mOrnin BascOmis oldest
son, Jehial, who he'd ben kept at the
Stashen 1t Secess;0nville all the time
for two weeks, with a single wagon,
wuz seen ridin down the hill urhn
the mule to its utmost speed. ~
"HOoray % sed Bascom, sit hez
come at hast. r'a- tIe
Immejitiy there wuz . change.
Deekin Pogrsm riZ, aud fallin on his
knees sed devoutly, "rhank Hevins!7
IssAker sprang to his feet and Elder
Pennibaeker and MePelter shouted,
Ha Hs with ez much power ez they
he'd left in EN-. u tHJ
Thank ths Lord the mule didn't
bAulk. Ez ef impressed with the ina
portance Nv its mishen, il come up
gsllantly to the door, and backed up
squarely, that the precious load mite
be easily and quickly taken out. 1t
druv In, buttle wuz filed, We drank
the revivin draft and wuz saved
But how to perfect our treasure Wuz
the question. Lucindy Gavitt he'd
sTOre that she wood bust every oar.
rel NV likker that wnz brOt TO the Cor
ners, and We knswd she wood keep
her oath ef it wuz possible.
Issaker sejested that she be pizened,
bot the idee wuz yOOnanim0asly re-
jectsd.
"Hev no friends ?o askt Issaker.
''Do 700 all hate me?'' A-
A good many other plans wuz dis
eusst to head of this terrible female,
but none Nv en- seemed feesibie.
At last l hit It. 1 sed that We must
guard it with our strong rite arms.
Let US arm ourselves with axe-helves
and go out ON each NV the four roads
and stop by force every woman who
appears on the street, onless 1t is GER
tain she hez no hostile intenshuns.
Let us go in twOs-eight will suffice.
Let US be stern and infiexible.
BascOm thought the sejestiOn wuz q
good ORe.
"Uv course" sedI, "the pickets will
be entitled to their sustenanee, gratis,
while in active service" r
Certainly !" sed Baseom, Sat regu-
lar intervals when no enemy is IN
site, they may clme in and get a re-
fresher and git back to their dOOty."
Then came q trouble wich / he'd
not anticipated. Every man in the
Corners volunteered t0 go on guard
duty. That free drink wuz q bounty
wich fetched 'em. It wuZ finally an
nounced that we shUOd take turns at
it. Myself, Deekin Pugram, Issaker
Gavitt, Captin MePelier, Absulum
Pettus, Zach. Porgeous, Elder Penni-
hacker and Sim MeGrath, 1 selected
for the FIRST days dooty. I put my
self in the first day, for wanted the
first pull at the arrangement, hevin
an Idea how IL would come out.
The Deekin and / volunteered "a
take the post Nv danger, wieh wu7
the south road onto wieh Lucindy
Uavitt lived.
We went out and took our stashuns,
and looked up the road and down the
road.
"There Is no wimmin in site, is
there ?" sed the Deekln.
"NaFy," sed /, fthe coast 10 clear y
"ParsOn, the coast bein clear, isn't
it time that we 60 down to BaseOm's
for tbs Tefresher he spoke uv2 This
| Is fearfully tryin dOOty."
| I agreed with the Deekln, that, bein
old men, We needed suthin bracin,
and down we went. Ez we entered
the door we wuZ astOnished to see the
other six at the bar, all q takin their
drinks. .-.-s
We got ours and went back, and
again viewed the field. 1t wuZ still
quiet. Lueindy wuZ, it wuZ evident,
not yet ready to move.
"Deekin," sed I, "dOes the foe ap-
pearl"
"Nary foe" sed he, "the enemy is
not in site"
England expex every man to do
his doOty, Deekin, but hedn't we bet
tar ramble gently to Baseom's, and
haustin."
Before the words wuZ out Nv my
mouth the Deekin he'd made a dozen
rods. / Euz pleased TO see the old
man 80 active. We reached Bascom's
in q very short time-very sh Ort in
deed, and there, somewhat to my sur
prise, stood the other six, all crOokin
the pregnant hinges nv the elbow
Bascom did not hsv q pleased ex-
preston on his countenanee.
Agin we departed for our posts and
we peered up and down the road.
We saw suthin' mOvin out Nv Issa-
ker's house! IL was q female. The
second look revealed the mnskeleF
from NV LueindyI She he'd her sun
bunnet on and q axe in her hand!
"DeekiB!" sed ], ''stand firm. Thai
enraged woman is q goin for BascOm's
Let US acquIt ourselves like men,"
The Deekin's nose grew bloOer, bul
hfs lips closed ominusly. / felt
Good depend on him. But Lucindy
didn't go out Of the front door yard
She had come out to split wood and she
split it, and takin an armful wen
hack into the house. He was nervous
with excitement.
"ParsOn!'J sed the Deekin, "Pm
all unstrun9. / thought the hour Nv
conflict he'd come. This drain on my
nervous system is too much. mus
hev . soOtber."
And we went / wuz frozen will
astOnishment. The first site that me
my eyes ez we entered Baseom's, WI
the other six q standin back from tn
bar and lissenin to Bascom who wa
gestieulatin wildly.
"This little game is played out,
sed Bsscom. "YOu git no more lik
ker Nv me except In the regie
way"
HBut, Baseom,D sed ], "ef we guar
yoOr property. its ez little eZ yOo XIII
do to keep US in refreshments. Con
slider our ardoous servis."
"Bah!" WuZ his reply. "IOO'vu
bin on dOoty an hour and yOO'v
, drunk four times, wieh Is TO sa.
. thirty-twO drinks in an hour. Pv
been exercisin little arithmetic Will
: VOC Euz out, tho 700 didn't stay ava,
long enuf to give me time to do
sum in simple multiplieashen de
Gently. But In a barrel there's abOu
: twelve hundred drinks-at this rat
wood drink q barrel in two days
: This looks to me as tho yoo WI
: pertektin yoOr property iDsted u
mine. I don't want my prOpert.
pertekted on these terms. Such pei
7 tekshen may be sufiisbent, but it.
Z rather expensive. L"
{ "But, G.. W." 1 replied, "dO 20
want these wimmin Faidin on you
D premises? Do yoo want this preciOu
> hooid q runnin all over this hOO
Agin?'
{ 'sI wood eZ soon see it q Tunnin a
! over this floor eZ to see 1t q Tunni
; down yoOr throats, giatIs- don'
:, see that It makes any difference :
: me where it runs, ef don't GIT notnll
for 1t. Gentlemen, its money, or D
Iikker."
: And here It ended. Baseom WI
= inaexibIe. The grosery hez no organ
9 iEed uertekshum. Ef we heV n
i money, We kin git no hkker, an
o without likkeT we shel git too Eea
> 10 hev the power to resist. Whe
Q aver Lucindy and her petticoate
. hosts appear, they will hev an eas
o victry. 1 am without hope.
PETROLEUM W Massey,
(Wfeh wuz Pcstmaster.l