The Western advance., 1874-03-28
CURRENT ITEMS,

A MILWAUKEE horse has died of a
broken heart.
The Patti is the name of one of the
new bonnets.
THE crack of base ball clubs will soon
be heard in the land.
MOMENTS Of triumph are not always
moments Of happiness.
"THE Order of Enoch" is new society
established by Brigham Young.
BosTON's new Postof1ice is called a
magnificent heap Of ugliness."
MEMORY Is the only paradise from
which nothing can ever drive US.
A MARYLAND miller ahas owned and
tended one mill for forty-eight years.
No Northern man who goes to Florida
can rest until he has shot an alligator.
AN old sinner grumbles at the gout as
a precious leg-acy"-only it isn't aisy.
The Siamese twins, it appears, are not
to be allowed to rest either in peace or in
pieces.
1T is very ruinous to move, but
especially expensive to move in the best
circles.
SEE what it is to live in warm country:
the little boys in Texas are going to the
circus now.
CALIFORNIA still sneers at greenbacks,
and If man hasn't gold and silver he is
rated "B g."
THE first and only Grange in Arizona
was few days ago organized at Phe nix
| in the Salt River Valley
A New YORK Shaker shook $4,000 out
OF the colony the other day and then
shook himself far, far away.
A MAN has discovered how to live we'll
on twenty cents per day, but this won't
help the fitteen-cent people.
GLASS will sustain 1000 pounds to the
square inch, it is said. Just threw a two.
pound stone at plate-glass window and
see.
JONES says that the difference between
his wife and the Pope is that she possesses
temper-all-power and His Eminence
doesn't.
A COMPANY has been formed on Bear
River, CAL, for the purpose of manu-
featuring butter from the fat of the seal
and sea lion.
A WEDDING took place at Cairo few
days ago in which the ceremony was per-
formed by telegraph, the clergyman being
in Memphis.
A NEW HAVEN paper has finally admit
ted that there may possibly be one we'll
learned man and one we'll bred lady out
side of New Haven.
FOURTEEN fathers in Quincy, ILL.,, have
signed pledge not to allow their daugh-
tiers to take music lessons until they know
how to make good bread.
MORE than a hundred people are drink
ing warm blood at the Brighton (Mass)
abattoir, for various diseases, and there is
talk of building a hotel to accommodate
the patients.
A CLERGYMAN writes to the Baltimore
american that its attempts at criticising
Mrs. Van Cott are as ridiculous as the ef-
forts of mouse to nibble off the wings of
an archangel.
THE Palatka (Fla.) Herald says that
Florida has been talked of South more
romantically, and examined less accu-
rately, than any other section of country
on the continent.
A MONTREAL paper, speaking of a re-
cent dualin explosion, says, in a most pa
thetic style, that the bodies of the victims
were spread over many rods, "here piece
and there piece"
"MUNlCIPAL INSANITY is what they
call it in Chicago. In New York and
Brooklyn it is called municipal rascal
ity." To doctors of law it is known as
complication Of "ring-round."
OvERsK1RTs are made very long and
come from the waist to the edge of the
skirt in front and puffed into the side
seams so as to be looped very high on the
hips. This is the latest style.
A MAN named Gail petitioned the Mis-
sissippi Legislature for leave to hang
himself, but they refused to report favor
ably on the document and he still lives,
desiring, he says, to abide by the laws of
his country.
The Maine Solons have curious notions
about the care of the poor The Legisla.
ture is seriously considering a bill to
make railroads support persons whom
they have brought to towns, if they be-
come paupers.
THE Terry Island Second Adventists
stick to it that the end Is coming pretty
soon, in spite of the recent miscalcula-
ton, and Rev. G. G. Barker devotes four
columns of the Watclsnan's Cry to au
argument on the point.
In reference to distinguished surgeons
opinion that Chang and Eng might have
been safely separated in life. the New
York Commercial Advertiser thinks that
OF all sad words to Siameee twin
The saddest are these: Itmight have been.
A CAT in the Louisville CourierJ Journal
Office lived in a drawer for nine days
without food, light or drink, and in three
minutes after being let out she was play
ing base ball with paste cup. This, it
must be remembered, was Kentucky
cat
A YOUNG lady graduate of the medical
department Of Iowa University has won
the first prize for the best performed dis
section in surgical anatomy, from class
consisting of twenty-four young men and
one other young woman.
A CONFIDENCE woman of rare beauty
and adroitness has swindled almost every
merchant in Virginia City, and gone of
with $4,000 of net result. The victims,
however, admire her cleverness so much
that they refuse 70 attempt her capture
and punishment.
THE filial tenderness Of Mary Kane, of
New Haven, is truly touching. She de-
sired to elope with party already orna-
mented with wife, but would not bulge
until she had seen her old and feeble
mother provided for. And so she had
her placed in the alms-house.
VARN1sH FOR CRATES. TO one pound
common asphaltum, fused in an iron pot,
add half pint hot boiled linseed oil
mix we'll, and boil an hour. When par
TALLY cooled add one quart oil of turpen-
tine IF tO0 thick add more turnQnfino