The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1874-10-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

cnnfectloncr advertises paroxy sInsl
kisses
According t. the articles of war, il IA
death to stop cannon ball
q Yes, Job suffered some, said al I'LL
nois deacon, shut he never knew what it
was to have his team run away and kill
his wife right in the busy season, when
hired girls want S3 a week
He whO' receives q favor should never
forget it he who does one should never
remember IT,
rhe reliable man Of the Detroit Frre
Press says Kate Field wears number seyeI,
shoes but when Miss Field catches hin.
he will think she wears fourteens At least
Rochester Domocrat
AMERICA HERALDY 1t is vel knowr
thar there are III Europe persons who do
good business in providing with coats of
arms those Americans whose ancestors
forgot 10 take theirs with them when they
crossed the water A good story is told Of
gentlemen, wealthy merchant Of anna
bic disposition, who had promised his
Ily - bring home a device TO display a
panels II their carriage in the fashiol
drive Of his city. The obliging Glen
formed him that the only emblems he Z
offer him in connection with his name
a thistle Or a Wild boar, and the Amer
chose the first. ~ don't think much
that weed he saiddiscontentedly, survey
the impression IN wax I" But [ do
think my wife aud daughter would be sat
ied with that hog
A teacher wishing % inprov. the occa
ion, said TO the boys at the conclusion
the straw berry festival Have You ed
joyed those berries to-day Yes slr.
Games from all sides, with unmlstakable
hartiness. " Well, children if YOU had seen
these berries growing IL my garden, and
had slipped in throug the gate without my
leave, and picked them from the vines
would they have tasted as good A nov
No sir, was the prompt reply. "Why
not n N Because, " said wide awake boy.
q" then We shouldn't have had sugar and
cream with 'em-
The other day AS Detroiter was riding
on the Pontiac road, he came across an old
lady seated in buggy which had been
halted within few yards of the Grand
Trunk Railroad track. She seemed to he
uneasy about something, and As he drove
up she asked, Say mister, hahn I that sn-
gine going to come alone pretty soon r. He
asked her to explain, and she pointed 70 the
sign, Look ont for the engine n and
added, =" have waited more'n two hours
for the ole engine to % by, but I'm getting
tired, and II 1t don't oome pretty soon Il
drive right over the track and ~
hum.
" Mother wants u know II you won't
please to lend her yonr preserving kettle
cause you know as how We wants ~ .,aa
serve q " We would with pleasure, boy,
but the truth ia, the last time we loaned il
to yonr mother, she prsseTred it 40 effectu
ally that We have never seen it since
ii Well, you needn't be so sassy about your
old kettle. Guess It MAS full uf holes when
We borrowed il aud mother wouldn't
atroubled yeu sgain, only We seed stu
bringing home new one.
= crack invisible tn the naked rye-the
crack of whip
a lawyer. IN addressing Jury III speaA
ing IT his client. remarked. thar -'Orh,lio-,
occupation gone; whereupon his opp-n
ent said that the only resemblance be
tween his learned friends client aud Othsl
10 was, that they both had villains for conn
sci
young printer Was carving goose al
dinner-taole one day, when, b. an swk
ward move, he knocked il into the lap Of
lady who was sitting op, >site, in al the
glory of green satin dress. Instead ~
showing hIs verdency by making profuse
apologies, and confused manner. he sim
ply said II trouble you for that goose
miss Was this self possession. or the
impudence Of the devil
jock, said farmer u one u his
workers, one Sunday, after the return "
the latter from church, "Whaur was the
text to-day n m dinna ken, answered
Jock, =" was over lang in gan in. 4
4" What was the end OF. then N :" dinna
ken ] came out afore it was dune.
''What did the minister say aboot the
middle o't, then n said The master, angrily.
determined T. have an answer Of some sort
" | dinna ken, MASTER rephe,, Jock, 81
sleepit a the time.
Why is a lawyer the worst sleeper ln the
world Because he first liss on one SIDE.
and then he lies an the other, and he Is
wide awake all the time
An Alabama editor winds up an editorial
on the corn crop with the remark, " W.
have on exhibition, Ia our sanctum, pair
Of magnificent ears. They are nearly
foot III length, and compactly filled We
believe they would be excellent for seed "
The happiness II life may be greatly in
creased by small courtesies in which there
is no parade, whose calm is too still t.
tease, and which manifest themselves b
tender and afecticnate looks, and little
kind acts " attention
Little story about Chicago church
usher A man indifferently dressed vent
70 church. The usher did not notice him,
but seated several well-dresse,t NY rsons
who presented themselves, when finally ths
man addressed the usher, saying. "Cau
you tell me whose church this i' Yes,
this Is Christ's Church. F" "Is He in
was the next question. after which N seat
was not sn hard to find.
A Yankee, Ia Italy, after severe tor
nado, which the people seemed 70 consider
great thing, declared that it was hardl,
up to the average If daily breeEes in
Maine, his native State, where the people
dare not raise children, except in sheltered
localities, on account of the strenuous
character of the zephyrs which play over