The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1874-12-31

Long division-D;Eorce.
nod iellow-Morpheus
Light-headed-A street-lamp.
Fee simple-A fee to a quaek.
Leyeling down-Going to bed.
Very hard lines-The railways Z
A .yawl-soat-one filled with crying
babies.
An act of great politenesss-Polishing
a stove.
How to treat wifs-rreat her to a
a Dubuque, Iowa, man offers to pray
for So day.
It is better to be flush in the pocket
than in the face
Time will only hang up his scythe
when he IS no mower.
Jonah was a stranger among whales,
and they took him in.
At Pekin, H., you can Pekin TO eighty
seven lager-beer saloons.
When was the greatest freak of ma
ture? When Mary had little lamb.
What is the largest room in tie world?
The room for improvement.
A client is never certain about a law
yer, and generally takes him on trial
Albert Edward can pay his debts if he
wants SO. Hedon't want to, however.
Pluck and patience are a strong firm
in transacting the daily business of life
The proper salutation when you meet
a writing master is, How do you -four
ish?"
Texas has town called Lovelady
Old maids are inquiring about the eli
mate there
Before taking liberties with a strange
dog, observe his tail and wait for the
wag on.
Minnesta man makes the winter
seem short by giving his note payable in
the spring
A San Francisco man committed sui
eide because pictorial sheet character
lied him as an "old nuisance"
20 kittens in our hours of case, un-
certain toys and full of feas; when pain
or anguish hang Ger men, we turn you
into sausage then.
A Georgetown man advertises concern
ing his runaway wife, that "As l never
pay my own debts it is reasonable to
suppose that | shall not pay hers.
"Uncle, how do you do ? Which would
you like best, work for wages, or part of
the crop?' "Wall, | 'clar, tink bofe de
best, if you kin only bfung EN- toged-
der"
An Indiana clergyman sued a news
paper for libel and dropped dead within
week The Detroit Free Press says
these fellows will learn something by
and by.
A ferryman was asked by timid lady
whether any persons were ever lost in the
river over which he rowed "Oh no,
said he, I'VE always find 'em the next
day
The opinion is being strengthened
every day that the man who first made a
shirt to button behind did more for the
world than one who has discovered five
comets.
Loves Language-Y oung bride: "Was
she his own darling duckums? 7? "Yes;
she was ownty donty darling duckums. "
Exit old married man, enraged and dis
gusted.
An Indian once tried the softness OF
feathers by laying one on rock and
stretching himself upon it. There are
some who try the virtue of advertising :
on the same plan.
Girls, as you value your lives, don t get
up and get breakfast in the mornings. A
young lady attempted it one day last
week, and was burned to death Show
this to your mammas a.
A young blood at hotel was requested
to pass dish near him. do you mis-
take me for waiter ?" said the exquisite.
No sir; l mistook you for gentleman,
was the prompt reply.
Washington Irving once alluded to a
man of superior pomposity as "a great
man, and in his own estimation man oi
great weight When he goes to the west
he thinks the east tips up.
Tennie C. Clafin, according to the Chi
cago Inter Ocean, is now Mrs. John Green.
Has this sweet cherub been getting mar
ried again? And is there no law for the
protection of her artless innocence?
There is a German in Carbon county.
Pa, who is father of thirty-three chill
dren. His wife has just rejected an ap
plication of the Commissioners of Chari
ties TO put hlm on the retired list.
clergyman says, 81 once married a
handsome young couple, and as ! took
the bride by the hand at the close of the
ceremony, and gave her my warmest con-
gratulations, she tossed her pretty head
and, pointing to the bridegroom, replied
Il think he lis the one to be congratu
lated"
As the sun in all,i splendor was peep
ing over the eastern hills, a.newly mar
ried man exclaimed: THE glory of the
world is rising" His wife, who happen
ed to be gettingIup at that moment, tax
ing to herself, simpered: "WhatrwouId
you think, my dear, If had new silk