davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

one occasion, then sink below the meas
ure of a child's strength on another, love
that burns like the sun to-day, end is dead
and cold as mere heap of ashes to-mor-
row-who cares for such gifts as these?
Beautiful as they are when they come,
they are intrinsically worthless, because
so entirely unreliable; and qualities which
have not half the show and shine OF these
have twice their value because always to
hand when wanted, always to be trusted
in and relied on when they have work to
do and responsibilities to fulfill. Yes, 1t
is a grand quality; we know none grander:.
1t is the very crown, the gathering IN Cd
so many notable virtues which without 1t
are of no account, that we might part
with many good gift bestowed by nature
upon man rather than with this which
gives vitality to all-this supreme ex-
cellence Of reliability. With it boor
has worth; without it a demi-god his
dangers and his valuelessness. 1t means
everything that is solid, everything that
is trustworthy, and no one is so great that
he can, do without it, no one so humble
that he is not ennobled and made of value
with II
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
Feats of Strength and Daring.

THE Gums of Braemore were always
noted for their bodily strength and manly
bearing. My friend, Neil of the Kilt, as
he was called, because he generally wore
the garb of old Gaul, " was widely known
for his extraordinary muscular power. L
shall here mention few feats OF strength
on his part which | myself witnessed.
They had fine black Highland bull, with
a tremendous head of horns; this animal
latterly became very wild. | was twice
within an inch of my life with him, and
to this day, if am disturbed in sleep, it
is almost sure to be by this black bull.
Well, one day Neil and Iwere in the byre,
which, as was the universal fashion then
over the greater part of Calthness, and
still fingers in not a few localities, eX-
tended from the fireplace some thirty or
forty PAGES in one long range, often with
a wide door at the farther end like that
of cart-shed, by which seasons accu-
mutation of manure was in spring carted
out to the field, after which it was built
I'D with turf. On the occasion referred
to the byre was undergoing this annual
process. All of sudden the bull came
rushing in at this gable door, while Neil
was standing about the middle, or near
the door of usual entrance to the house.
Something had enraged the brute, and,
with fierce eyes glaring and head set for
combat, on he came. Neil prepared to
receive him, and when the beast was gong
to strike into him, swift as a mountain
cat, and with the strength OF pair OF
lions, he seized the bull by the horns! ana
with one sudden jerk laid him on the keel
OF his back Here was the proverblaI
saying OF the ne plus ultra Of daring bold
ness actually realized. To perform such
feat requires not only great strength,
but, what is much less common, deXterous
cleverness and the calmest presence OF
mind.
L remember another occasion when, IN
pursuit of some horses in the mountains,
Neil and / had tried all sorts of lodges to
drive them home or secure them by
catching one or more of the leaders, but
to no effect Just when we thought we
had one, up went their heads, their heels
and their tails, and off they secured among
the brackens, making the bushy birch and
hazel crack, crush and whistle with their
glee. What was to be done? a bright
idea struck Neil in the very center OF his
"pow" You go down this hollow, -
says he, till you get beyond the vaga-
bonds, and then get up the brae and drive
| them back; they will be sure to keep this
track. | shall hide in the bush, and you
shall maybe see a new kind OF Highland
fling" The order was duly obeyed, the
horses driven back, and just as the fore
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

The chipmunk gifts hiz name from hiz
song, which IL kind ov "maa1ak" MKT
with sharp "chipper" when he drops
sudden into hiz hole, to save hiz bakon
from sum stray dog or vagrant skool boy.
They hav teeth, witch silk up in the
front ov their mouths, and theze teeth will
take the injun meal out Ov a kernel ov
corn quicker and cleaner than emmy ma
sheen that haz ever been patented yet.
The chipmunk IL about half civilized,
and the clusser he kan dig hiZ hole to the
farmers corn crib, the happier he IL.
When i was a boy, used to hunt chip
hunks bi running away from skool, and
the day that brought in two or three waz
a big day for me-
AZ an artikle ov diet, the chipmunk haz
sevral things that are superior to them;
the flavor ov their flesh IL about half way
been the common barn rat and the billed
crow, if you kno how that tastes.
The chipmunk IL probably ov sum use
in the world, but ov what use haz been
kindly hid from US.
In writing the memoirs ov this little
thief, if l hav sed emmy thing that amt
So | am willing to bak out ov it, and paw
the cigars.
forgot to say that the chipmunk haz
got way oy gathering beech nuts, and
preparing them for winter larder, that
kant be beat without infringing upon his
patient. l hav often found pint ov this
delishus fruit in sum hollow beech tree
that had been kut down for winters wood
and whittier, sweeter meats no one ever et
Josh Billings, IN Neao York Weekly
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
PHUNNYGRAMS.

Says the Danbury Meas: The heroic
firmness with which woman will persist
in carrying roll of dry goods as large as
she can hold in her arms is only equaled
by the politeness with which she will re-
quest her grocer to deliver pound of
butter at the house"
"A gawky saw, for the first time, a
schoolgirl going through some of her
gymnastic exercises for the amusement
of the little ones at home; after gazipg
at her with looks Of interest and comm1s-
Grafton for while, he asked boy near
him if that gal had fits. "No," replied
the lad, contemptuously, that's gymnas-
tics" g Oh, it's, hey?" said the verdant;
chow long has she mad 'em?"
"A lawyer who had recently married
pretty widow was mapping in the close
air of the court room, when the name of
the lady's first husband was mentioned
by one Of the members of the bar, caus
ing him to awake suddenly Springing
to his feet he exclaimed: ''What! what!
you can't have herr After which he
b)ushingly explained that he was dream
ing, and thought that his wife's first hus-
band had come to deprive him of her.
"A prominent member of the Kentucky
Legislature is reported in the Louisville
Commercial as having candidIy "acknowl-
edged the corn" Reappearing, after an
absence from his seat of three days, he
said " he had been sick" whats been
the matter with your" he was asked :
"Well, some folks call it nervous chills
others pronounce it kind of affection of
the heart; but, to be candid, call it a
plain case of old-fashioned drunk"
Some people lose their temper upon
the least provocation. A young man who
was offensive to the parents of a young
lady on Wooster street was caught there
by the irate father Sunday evening, and
after being freely cuffed on the side of his
head was deliberately kicked into the
street. Gaining his feet as soon as posi-
bic he turned passion-distorted face
back at the old gentleman, and screamed
through his white lips: "YOu do that
again, and I'll punch your black snoot for
yOun And Immediately left to prepare
the punch.-Daas5ury N6a0s.
"A family having a false crate in one
Of the rooms Of the house placed some red
paper behind it to give it the effect Of fire.
One of the coolest days in the winter the
dog belonging to the household came in
from out of doors. and seeing the paper in
the CRATE deliberately walked up to it,
and lay down before it, curled up in the
best way to receive the glowing heat as it
came from the fire. He remained motion
less for few minutes; feeling no warmth,
he raised his head and looked over his
shoulder at the CRATE; still feeling no
heat, he arose and carefully applied his
nose to the CRATE and smelt it. 1t was
cold as ice. With look of the most
supreme disgust, his tail curled down
between his legs, every hair on his body
saying "I'm sold," the dog trotted out of
the room, not even deigning to cast look
at the party in the room, who had watched
his actions and laughed so heartily at his
misfOrtunes.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
A Little Joke.

A Young man went into Princes sa-
loon Friday evening, and called for a
glass of liquor. 1t was handed to him
and then he dropped a little powdered
magnesia in it from a paper, swallowed
the whole deliberately, and placing the
glass down looked the attentive Prince in
the eye and said: Il have poisoned my
self" "What?" screamed the Mortified
saloon-keeper. 81 have poisoned my
selfn' repeated the young man in tragic
tone. In an instant Mr.. Prince had
bounded to his side; in the next instant
he had him on the floor, and a man sent
for doctor. The young man struggled
to release himself, and protested that it
was all joke. Mr.. Prince was too old
and too educated man to be deluded by
such articles. Immediate remedies were
called for. Some one suggested raw
egg, and one was procured, and there be-
ing no time to bother with glass, and
the victim to the poison writhing to de-
gree that made holding him an almost i'm
possible undertaking, it was administered
in the shell, and so adroitly broken that
two-thirds of it went into his shirt bosom.
A bottle of sweet oil was next emptied in
to him, his head was briskly rubbed, hot
cloths applied to his chest, and his back
warmed with billiard cue. Then DR..
Miles arrived, took in the situation at a
glance, applied stomach-pump, and
within five minutes the Righteousness and
other things in that young man were ex-
tracted. On getting to his feet he in
stinctively felt in his hip pocket for his
handkerchief, and appeared to be very
much surprised to find it there. He left
the saloon vowing vengeance against Mr.
Prince and his anxious and earnest
helpers. But the story was too much for
him the next day, and he quietly disap-
peared from town.-Danbury NeaOs.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
A Negro Girls Remarkable Memory.

There is a negro girl in Brucetown
about nine years Of age whose memory is
truly marvellous. Her wonderful powers
were first brought to the notice of white
man, who keeps a grocery in that part of
the city, about two weeks ago. He had
been reading aloud in her presence the
day before and accidentally heard her re-
peat word for word what he had read
from the paper, though twenty-four hours
had interviewed. After this he tested her
memory frequently and has found her
capable of repeating thirty or forty lines
from book after hearing it read once
over. Her intellect in other respects does
not seem at all above, if equal to, the av-
erage. Such instances of memory are not
very unusual. Mary Summerville tells of
an idiot in Edinburgh who never failed
to repeat the sermon, word for word, after
attending the kirk each Sunday, saying:
&" Here the minister coughed;" Here he
stopped to blow his nose" She also tells
of another whom she met in the High
lands, who knew the Bible so perfectly
that if he was asked where such a verse
was to be found he could tell without
hesitation, and repeat the chapter. We
remember, also, to have read a year or
two ago an account of a man in New
York who could read one side of the New
York Herald and then repeat it word for
word, advertisements and all. Thirty
years ago, or Whereabouts, there was a
book peddler in this part of Kentucky
who had considerable reputation for
his remarkable memory. Old Jimmy
Hutchinson" sold Pilgrims Progress,
Cleland's Hymns, Children of the Abbey,
Solitude Sweetened, and was able to re-
peat whole pages from almost any part
of these books.-Leringt01a (Ky.) Gazette.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
The Chipmunk.

THE chipmunk il the smallest ov the
squirrel tribe.
They are common to all the Northern
States, and even cross the line into Kama
da without any pass.
They are striped goods, having three
light-colored lines wove into them, run
ming the same way the squirrel duz, from
he'd to tail
They are the only insekt l kno ov who
dig their holes in the ground, and sho no
pile ov dirt at the entrance.
have asked sevral fust-klass artists in
the natral history line what the chipmunk
duz with the dirt that comes out ov his
hole in the ground, and every one ov
them has shook their heds and looked
wiZe
This il the way that many lilly edu-
kated ones hav ov answering question.
1t IL very safe way and duz CRATE
kredit to their Judgment, and also to their
informashun
kno what the chipmunk duz with the
dirt, but | won't tell, unless l am paid a
fair price for the sekret.
AS a Spectator in corn the chipmunk
stands at the head ov all the small oper-
ators, beating the blue jay in his regular
yearly operations about quart.
what corn the chipmunk kant steal the
blue jay can.
The blue jay carrys hiz corn in hiz
mouth, and when he kums out of a korn-
field loaded with the cereal for hiz hole
hlz cheeks silk out like Dutch baby's.
The blue jay and the chipmunk hav
stole corn enutf since the days of Joseph
ana Benjamin to fatt 40 hundred he'd OF
| cattle.
Sumtimes the chipmunk il kaught and
Kept IN Rage, and il made to turn
wheel Tor living; this is the onl y use
phul work they hav ever been known
| to do.
have often lookt at them at work in
their wheels, and don't kno which l pity
the most, the chipmunk or the party who
tends them; both ov them mite be in bet
| ter bizzness
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

most fiery steed is prancing past the hazel
bush Neil darts out and seizes him by the
tail, and by swing of his own body
whirled the horse right about, and held
him there till came up and battered him.
The horse straining forward and Neil
strainlng back, each at an angle of sixty,
in opposite directions, was a group for
Sir Edward Landseer, or the sculptor of
" The Witch and Tam o. Shanter's Mare, "
in the scene when
"Ae spring broeht at her master hale,
But left behind her ain grey tall
On another occasionI saw him catch the
same spirited animal by sheer speed of
foot by the long flowing tail and hold
him as before, till | secured him by the
head.
The most astounding feat, however, re-
mains to be told; but it is no easy matter
to tell it so as to give any idea of the
reality. At the lower end of the valley
of Braemore the river struggles for some
hundred yards through a rocky gorge of
Alpine sublimity, between Skerraben and
steep rocky ben called Craig-an-F hiach
(the Ravens Rock. Here the whole
stream is confined between two rugged
rocks in channel some eight or nine
feet wide, just at the point where it falls
some forty feet in one whole sheet into a
deep, dark, and hideous gulf below the
rugged and awful precipice. One cold
winter evening Neil and | found our
selves on the wrong side of the river,
which was in roaring flood Snow be-
gan to fall, and as l was barefooted I
very soon gave up, and Neil had to
bundle me on his back! But how or
where shall we cross the river? Ay,
that's the poser. No man or horse could
breast its current that night. What do
you think he of the kilt proposed.
Horrid idea. 1t makes my flesh creep at
this distance of time. But Neil's nerves
were not made of quaking grass. "I'll
spring over the gorge of the cascade ~
says he, "if you don't be afraid. I've
done it before Will you be afraid?''
No, will never be afraid so long as
you have hold of me-" was my reply.
On he went over those rugged rocks, slip
ping down here, swinging himself there
by birchen scrub, in the face of the
tumbling deCliyity over the cascade,
which roared beneath US with the ten
fold multiplying echoes of the precipiceS
around, like the simultaneous believing
of thousand lions let loose for the night
Little did know the nature of the spot
or else I would not be carried there by
saint or sinner. At last Neil is standing
on the very verge of that laundering cas-
cade, and meditates leap to the other
side! But first he makes sure of his
hold of me, and then, selecting the most
likely spot to alight on the opposite rock,
which was rather lower, he took step or
two back, and then, with all the spring
power of Bengal tiger, shoots across,
and we both alight on the opposite side,
and begin our scrambling exit from this
never-to-be-forgotten scene.-J0hn o. Gr0at
.I01L1.nlnL
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
Reliability.

1T is the quality, says writer in the
Queen, that we need in our man of bust
ness. An unreliable lawyer, stockbroker,
agent, bailitf-whatsOeve the functions
he fulf1lls-how can we get on with him
He is our ruin incarnate, as well as his
own; and the very fact that he cannot be
trusted in his work is condemnation
enough for all the rest. He may be thor
oughly honest and yet unreliable. Here
in is seen the value of the word. He may
be fOrgetful, indOlent, impulsive, impress
sionable, unpunctual. Amy of these faults,
which are not moral sins, units him for
his work as the care-taker Of our fortunes.
and disqualifies him for the office because
of his unreliability when in it. An I'M
reliable physician, too, digs the grave for
his own success. To trust ourselves and
the lives of our dearest to a man whose
punctuallty OF visits is a fond belief never
translated into an actually, whose sharp
ness OF perception is thing that comes
and goes with the weather and the state
OF his liver, and who lets himself be
drawn away from the arduous duties Of
his profession by any passing fantasy or
pleasure is to trust ourselves, perhaps,
to the best-natured fellow in the world,
but to man so entirely unre-
naole as to be almost useless for
this work. Of what use to sick
man the lightning quickness of diagnosis
at one time, when the dull brain lacks
even the ordinary power of a second-rate
intellect at another? What we want IN
our physician is emphatically reliability
reliability all through, not in fragments,
nor by fits and starts, but steady going
quality Of trl1stworthiness from end to
end, and to the extent to which his natural
powers may reach.
In fact, there is not function or posi-
ton IN life in which reliability is not the
most valuable characteristic. Genius
which sends scrimped work as often as
noble effort, and the mainstay of an under
taking not to be trusted for time or
punctuality, energies which are heroic
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
An Incident OF the War.

About twenty years ago, or in the year
1854, planter living near Houston, in
Texas, was inspired for adventure by the
current stories of wonderful gold-findings
at Pixies Peak, and importuned from his
wife her consent to his departure While
ostensibly thrifty, the plantation was
really incumbered by debt, and some new
financial departure seemed necessary for
its redemption. Perhaps this was the
final reason inducing Mrs. Du Bosses as
sent. At any rate the planter started for
the distant mining country, after taxing
the family means severely for his outfit,
with the hope of finding enough OF the
precious ore to return in a year or two as
a rich man Nearly always desperate
game of chance, gold.digging is partic-
ularly perilous hazard for the adventurer
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

Mr.. G. w. Yarbrough, of Jackson
County, GA, gives the following as the
origin of the "mourners' bench;'' i" 1t
originated at odd Liberty Church, in
Greene County, Ga. 1t was on this wise ::
Rev. Stith Mead attended a great meeting
there. He was a great revivalist The
penitents thronged him until, finding it
impossible to talk to them individually,
he asked them up to the altar that he
might tax to them more effectually in a
body. His object in asking them up was
not that he might pray for them there,
but that he might more conveniently talk
with them. The custom of going up to
be prayed for arose from this.n
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16
An Exciting Rowing Match.

A YOUNG man of this city being at an
up-river town a few days ago took a
skiff to row to the next town down stream
About the time he put out he noticed a
man and woman in a similar boat on the
opposite side of the Ohio, the man pull
ing with all his might down stream. The
Evansville youth did not want to be
beaten by man who had load while he
had an empty skiff, so he bent himself to
the work with great energy. Row as hard
as he might the oarsman on the other
side kept ahead CT him, until the young
man made up his mind that there
was something wrong with the current,
and he tried to cross.
This seemed to give additional energy
to the other Oarsman, whose "feathered
oar" was piled with such a will that he
gained sensibly, and our Evansviller
dropped back, but still kept the couple in
sight.
After half days row the single oars
N IN stopped at town, rested and did
such business as he found, and took the
next steamer for home. On the way down
the steamer was hailed, and the couple
from the skifF got aboard. The Young
man, after short time, approached the
champion oarsman and remarked: " Well.
you beat me, didn't you, but I tried hard
to get ahead"
"Thunderation !" exclaimed the man,
twas that you a pullin' after US? I tho't
it was Lies dad, an I jest lit in with all
my might; but it's no use now; we's mar
ried for good now, stranger, an wouldn't
row that hard even eff the old man was to
heave in sight."-EDans05lle (Ind.) Jour-
nal
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

TUE new ten-cent shinplaster is regard
ed as a great success by the amateur coun-
terfeiters. It's close resemblance to the
ffty-cent note has of late occasioned
many small loss TO the retail dealer
This similarity has been tax IN advantage
of by designing persons, and instances
are given where the ten-cent has been
raised to a fifty-cent note. A case is re-
ported where the g fifty-cent'' from a rev.
enue cigar stamp was pasted over the fig
ure 10 of the new note, the size of the 80
exactly covering the figure 10.-ChScago
Times.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

For cleaning glass newspaper is one
of the best articles in use. The chemical
operation of some of the ingredients of
printing ink gives beautiful polish
Slightly moisten piece of paper, roll it
up and rub the glass; then take dry,
soft piece and repeat the process. No
lint will remain, as is the case when cloth
is used
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

SOME of the new French flowers are
made Of tinfoil, colored and tinted in the
most perfect style. They are very fraIl
and delicate, and on that aecOunt-it is to
be presumed-are so expensive. Tinfon
wreaths around the front of your new
spring bonnet are the " tip of the fashion"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

For remarkable presence of mind, COM
mend US to the sagacious woman VINO,
when her husband was bitten by mao
dog, drew pistol and promptly shot the
man.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

A TEXAN farmer charges his fence rails
with powder, and dances for joy when bad
men steal them for fuel.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-16

The total valuation of the land in
Mississippi is SOL ,210,347.