River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1874-06-09
Wit. HumOr and Wisdom.
D LIGHT-Bright eyes.

tulnDllng out of the saddle.
lr is one OF the curiosities of natural
history that horse enjoys his food
most when he hasn't a bit in his mouth
The bread of life is love the salt of
life is work; the sweetness of life,
poetry the water of life, faith.
A scHooLBoY's aspiration-'I wish I
were fountain, that might be always
playing"
SMIRKNs looked at a painting of
pig and pleasantly asked "Who is
that pigment for"
A WONDERFULLY scientific young man
has had ocular demonstration of a
sound; he has seen his bed tick.
"Do you like the piano ?" some one
asked Theophile Gautier. 81 prefer it
to the guillotine, was the reply of the
poet
THE man who sang ooh, breathe no
more that simple air" went into the
smoking car where it was more mixed.
A GENTLEMAN in Pottsville, Pa, has
named his dog Penny" because it
was one sent to him.
OCTAVE FENILnEr employs q poodle
to hold his book open. Isn't he afraid
of dog ears .?
To what base uses may we come at
last Julius S. Caesar is a veterinary
surgeon at Port Hope, Canada.
Mr.. WILBUR f. STOREY, of the Chi
cago Times, has rented house for the
summer at Sault Ste, Marie.
The old saying about 4" those who go
down to the sea in ships" has more
Significance now than it used TO have.
WHAT Sodom was to Lots wife, so is
the back breadtbs of one woman's dress
to another woman.
"Now, may please your honor" said
young Providence lawyer, :" l don't
believe these facts are true. +"
FADovER tell us that Mrs. Fadover is
not sorry that little rocks the cradle of
the rebellion.
AN old Scotchman of Boston used to
say, I'm open to conviction, but I'd
like to see the man that can convince
me-"
Now that so many people are getting
married by telegraph, there ought to
be some speedicr method of obtaining
divorces.
A YANKEE wanted the Bridge of Signs
pointed out 10 him, and then offered to
bet America had several bridges twice
the size.
WANTED to know-The length of the
Rule of Three; how many days in the
March of Intellect; the width of a
broad hint.
An observing man has discovered a
similarity between a young ladies' sem
mary and sugar house, as both refine
what is already sweet.
CHILD. -" Papa, why do so many
churches have eagles in them for read
ing desks? ?" Father" Because, my
boy, the eagle is bird of prey. !"
THE world is full of men who will
cheerfully boss a job for dollar
and half day, when five dollars a
day for actual work would not be the
slightest temptation to them.
A DARKEY gave the following reason
why the colored race is superior to the
white : "All men are made of clay,
and like the meerschaum pipe, are
more valuable when highly colored. "
A cARMAN is an individual who wants
you to have your furniture all ready to
load mt seven A. NJ, and comes around
in the afternoon to see if you have
done it.
A GERMAN professor has worked
thirty-four years to make acorrect map
of the moon, and all travellers going
that route can depend upon its correct
ness.
A PASTOR of Congregational church
was asked if he was an Independent
minister. He replied :" Far from it
! am the minister of an Independent
congregation.
"WHAT kind of sausages is them ?"
queried an old lady of the young man
of literature and peanuts, as he passed
through the train selling bananas.
"GooD manners" says Swift, sis
the art of making those easy with whom
we converse whoever makes the fewest
persons uneasy is the best bred man in
the company"
RECENT Importation" Az We please,
sur, is this a dhry goods store?" Sales
man--"Certainly, maam." Recent
Importation Och, bcgorra, where'll
be going thin for wathered silk ?"
A PARsoN once prefaced his sermon
with, my friends, let us say a few
words before we begin" This is equal
Ia the chap who took short nap before
he went To sleep.
JoNEs says the talk about shortening
the hours of labor is all nonsense, be-
cause if the hours were shortened he
would have to take more of them TO do
his work. DE doesn't want to work
more h ours.
A GREAT author has said that a perfect
dinner party is the highest product of
civilization. Simply to eat is the first
low necessity Of savage life. To dine
delightfully."- is to sublimate that neces-
sity into poetry.
A STRICTLY temperate reporter of
Connecticut paper mentions "as an
exsheedingly curioush fact that man
ufacturer of roofing materials ut West
Goshen is doing double work with
single machine.