Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1874-02-21

Young lady (at the st-Ofice) =
eff l don't get letter by this mail, l
want to know what he was doing Sun
day, that's all"
The Troy Wing infringes on the
patent of the Philadelphia Ledger,
and says:
Bring out the Grape and toll the knell;
She's dead-a lovely Lockport belle;
Her stomach failed away TO get
With ninety oysters on bet
The most confding woman lives in
Providence. She went to an auction,
and, knowing the prevalence of
thieves at such places, asked nice
looking man to take care of her pock-
et-book, containing $85. He is still
taking care of it.
Prof. Proctor seems to have been
guilty of a paradox. In one of his
recent lecture he distinctly stated that
there was no animal life on the moon,
''And yit immajetly afther," says Fe-
lix O'Fyne, 'he showed us a hape of
lunar craters."
What is the earliest financial trans
action on record? When Pharaoh
received a check on the bank of the
Red Sea, crossed by 'EMoses % Co."
A bachelor says if you hand lady
a newspaper with a paragraph cut
out of it, not a line will be read, but
every bit of interest felt in the paper
by the lady will centre in finding out
what the missing paragraph contained
At prayer-meeting in Maine, a
few days ago, one of the members
prayed: 'Lord, thou knowest that
Charles Tompkins has sold poor boots
to some of us. Make him do the fair
thing.
'Mono-poets" is the new name for
persons who write but one bit of
verse and then die. This isn't the
kind of poet that sends pieces to the
papers.
Clara "a good sailor ID think the
moon is much more charming on the
water than on the shore Don't you,
dear?" Algernon "a bad sailor y
P-possibly- Depends SC much on
the state of the stom-" Qeaves herr.
A sarcastic gentleman was Mr..
Van Dyke, of New Hampshire, who,
leaving $4,000 to his heirs, hoped
none of them "would shuttle and
shed crocodile tears at his funeral"
"Cover me up" said the dying lega-
tor, "and then hurry home to fight
over my money"
Within the last three months the
President has appointed thirty
Postmistresses. The consequences
might have been anticipated. Twen-
ty-seven of them have already no.
tilted their husbands that their servi-
ces are no longer required.
A prisoner in a New York Police
Court was asked by the Judge if he
had any counsel. eyes," he said, 81
had engaged an old bald-headed fell
low to defend me, but 1 don't see him
round, and rather guess he is out
for drink"
Punch has cartoon called ''The
Vatican Hatter," in which the Pope,
with Cardinals hat in his hand, thus
addressed the Archbishop of West
minister: "Sorry we've nothing in
this size to fit you, DR.. Manning. AT
present we've only got hats for un-
dersized heads"
''Came to his death while being
hit on his his head by long handled
stew-pan in the hands of his WIFE"
was the verdict in a recent case in
Illinois.
AT revival meeting in Mont
gomery County recently, a young
convert fOrgave all his enemies, "es-
pecially the fellow who threw NV
pup into yellow-iackets nest"
HeV. Gent.-'fBut you really can
have no serious reason to wish to be
parted from your wife" Rustic.
''Well, no, sir; like my wife we'll
enough; but you see, she don't please
mother"
Hartford, Conn, thinks the name
New Haven, should be written ''new
haven" as it is without a capital
now.
paddy" says a joker, "why don't
you get your ears cropped ?-they
are entirely too long for man."
"And yours" replied Pat, Sought to
be heightened; they are too short
for an Rss,' =.