Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-05-07

things about the late Mr.. Nero, who i'd
died while Rome burned, but to this day
nobody has ever accused him of parting
his hair in the middle. Thank goodness,
there was a limit to his atrocities. :
Memphis AUaLanete
The Taunton Gazette says: A lady en-
tering one Of our stores yesterday, no
ticing the window draped in somber
mourning, asked who was dead. Why,
Nh. Sumner" said the polite attendant.
Oh" responded the obtuse interrogation,
twas he clerk here?"
STUMP MACHINE.-The simplest con
trivance is to chain a strong piece of
timber to one side Of the stump by very
strong chains hooked into the roots, and
attach oxen to the other end; going
about IN circle will twist the stump
out.
Don't tell child you will do anything
Tor II unless you intend to keep your
promise. A strict observance of this rule
may save you the agony OF seeing your
child become liar. If you say, " I'll
SKIN you aIiven' go and skin 1t though 1t
brings tears to your eyes.
IHE Vermont people have a great pas
sion Tor discovering coal mines on their
farms, nowadays, but Prof. Seeley, OF
MlddIebury College, who has examined
specimens from some of the supposed
veins, says that all coal-hunting IN the
State will end in disappointment.
FASHIONABLE milliners are finally in
dlgnant, and assert that after this season
they Will never have Openings" 1t
seems that the manipulation Of bOnnets
this year has ruined many hundred dol
lars worth of goods, and they say that
this sort of thing can't go on forever,
more especially as they do not get any
orders.
MINUTE SPONGE CAKE.-Beat three
eggs two minutes; add one and hale
cups Of sugar, beat two minutes; one cupf
OF flour and one teaspoonful of cream OF
tartar, beat one minute; add half cup of
cold water with half teaspoonful of
soda and a spoonful of extract Of lemon,
beat one minute; add one cup of flour,
beat one minute.
IN kerosene lamps the light often is IN
satisfactory while all is apparently in
good order. 1t should be borne in mind
that, though the wick is but very gradually
burned, it is constantly becoming less
able to conduct the oil. During several
weeks some quarts of oil are slowly filtered
through the wick, which stops every
particle of dust or other matter that will
with the utmost care be in the best kinds
of oil. The results that the wick, though
it is of sufficient length and looks as good
as ever, has its conducting power greatly
impaired, as its pores, so to speak, or the
minute channels by which the oil reaches
the place to be burned, become gradually
INSTRUCTED. It is often economy to sub
stitute new wick for an old one, even II
that be plenty long enough to serve for
some time to come.
THE Dunn County NeaoS gets off the
| following good thing, which is worthy a
place with some of Mark Twain's best
eve sympathize heartily with one of OuI
| exchanges, which is sorry to learn that a
| German chemist has succeeded in making
a firstrate brandy out Of sawdust. We
| are a friend to the temperance movement,
and we want it to succeed, but what
chance will it have when man can take
a rip-saw and 90 out and get drunk with
fence-rail? What is the use of prOhib-
itory LIQUOR law if a man is able to make
brandy SmaShes out Of the shingles on his
roof, or if he can get the delirium Temens
by drinking the legs Of his kitchen chairs
You may shut an inebriate out of gin
shop, and keep him away from taverns,
but if he can become uproarious on boiled
sawdust and dessicated window-sills any
effort at reform must necessarily be a fail
ure. 1t will be wise, therefore, if tenn
perance societies will butcher the German
chemist before he goes any further. His
recipe ought not to be made public. He
should be stuffed with distilled board
yards until he perishes with mama a
D0tu."