Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-01-14
Wit, Humpr and Wisdom.

nuts.
TROUBLES are like dogs-the smaller
they are the more they annoy.
CURIosITIEs of Observation-Disclosures
productions. g.. .....
MUST man be light-headed who is
lantern jawed?
A CIRCUIT CoURT-The longest way
home from singing school #
A PHOTOGRAPHER requested that his
sign, ''Taken from life should be his
epitaph.
WANDERING HAIR-found again twice
this week, as per usual, on the break
fast butter. -.t-#
" Pm neither lady, neither fair
Apd nome can go without your care"
Faust.
&C An honest fellow here is laid
His debts in full be always paid !:
and what's more strange, the neighbors tell us,
He brought back borrowed umbrellas"
CLIENT.-"I want EFFECT an insur-
ance-six pounds week in case of in
jury, and that sort of thing.' r.
Clerk Railway accidents sir 90
Client. Police"
The ants.-Mistress Ito new SER
want girl from the country j." Now,
Eliza, make haste and dress yourself,
and make your hair tidy before your
master comes home"
Servant Girl" Yes'm; where shall
l find the comb, Num-"
A LADY teacher in one of the primary
departments at the college last Friday
afternoon, while trying to impress on
the minds of juvenile class the differ
ence between the human and animal
composition, asked, What are we all
made OFF," Dust" was the prompt
reply 3" What are hogs made of 90
" Stops, = was the unanimous response.
CONVERSATION in the horse-car: First
Young Lady-Father says that we girls
must be economical, for the panic has
struck him. What does your father
say? Second Young Lady-Oh. he
dosn't say much you know pa is so
slow that [ don't believe he'll hear the
panic is in town till it has most gone
away.
SIR Moses MoNTEF1oRE, the great
Jewish banker, was negotiating loan
on the Bourse, when a small lot of
capitalists approached him. ooh,
dear" cried one, che is going to swal-
low us ALL" "No, my dear SIR" said
Sir Moses, "my religion forbids that"
A YOUNG beau, at his sisters evening
party, began to sing, "Why am [ so
weak and weary?" when little brother
brought the performance to close by
yelling out, '''Aunt Mary says it's cause
you come home so late and drunk most
every night"
JOHN PAUL says when they want to
find out in the country if girl is
counting or not, an old lady steps in
and remarks: 81 say, there amt no
one sick in this house or nothin', is
there? I seen light burnin' nigh
onto twelve o'clock last night, but [
don't smell no camphor nor nothin'
round" r....,
AN inquisitive young man said to his
mothers brother: "Uncle James, how
is it that you and Aunt Sarah never
agree?" Because, my boy, we are
both of us OF one mind, and have been
so ever since we were married" "How
is that, uncle? I don't understand
you" "Why, my boy, you see she
always wants to be master and so do l."
A WITTY clergyman, accosted by an
old acquaintance by the name of Cobb,
replied, 81 don't know you, SIR NV
name is Cobb, " rejoined the man, who
was half seas over. 'Ah, SIR" replied
the clergyman, ''you have so much
corn on you that I did not see the
cob." .E<
FROM our Sunday School editor
An excellent way to entertain an infant
class is to keep them chewing. Hard
boiled molasses candy sticks their
jaws, occupies their minds, gives them
sweet recollections, and makes them
behave generally, during the recitation.
For very turbulent children, put lit
tie more resin into the candy when
boiling it.
MEN in general are neither very good
nor very bad; they are stupidity me-
diocre. [ have never closely examined
even the best without discovering
faults and frailties invisible at first.
I have always in the end found among
the worst certain elements and holding
points of honesty. There are two men
in every man; it is childish to see only
one; it is sad and unjust to look only
at the other.-De ZocQueville.
The Irish auctioneer was a great
brick. They put up goat and he was
sold for 81. ''Here yer have him."
said he, ''a beautiful goat, who has for
years been the sole support of a widow
md six orphans-going, six quarts of
milk per diem-going, going, going,
goat" he shouted, just as voice from
behind whispered, "Touch the goat off
or 81, Larry
A GENTLEMAN built wing to his
louse consisting of cellar, library
IN the first floor, and bedroom above.
lie asked the opinion of friend, who
eplied, "My dear fellow, I am sorry
o see you have lost your senses.''
What do you meana' exclaimed the
'ther. "Why, bon vivaat and a lit
'rary man, as you are, to read over
our wine and to sleep over your
)Ooks."
Who hurt you. bub2" asked Ia