Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-07-16
Aumuruns department.
4 DAY AT NIAGARA.
BY MARK TWAIN.

ing this favorite watering. place recently, for
the first time, and was we'll pleased. A gen.
tleman who was with me said it was custom
ary to be disappointed in the Falls, but that
subsequent visits were sure to set that all
right. He said it was so with him. He said
that the first time he went the hack fares we're
so much higher than the Falls, that the Falls
appeard insignificant. But that is all regu-
lated now. The hackmen have been tanned,
numbered, and placarded, and blackguarded,
and brought into subsection to the law, and
dosed with moral principle till they are as
meek as missionaries. They are divided into
two clans, now the Regulars, and now the
Privateers, and they employ their idle time in
warning the public against each other. The
Regulars are under the hotel banners, and do
the legitimate at two dollars an hour the
Privateers prowl darkly on neutral ground
and pick off stragglers at half price. But
there are no more outrages and extortions.
That sort of thing cured ITSELF 1t made the
Falls unpopular by getting into the newspa-
pers; and whenever puplic evil achieves
that sort of success for itself, its days are num-
bered. 1t became apparent that either the
Fails had to be discontinued, or the hack
men had to subside. They could not dam
the Falls, and so they did the hackmen.
One can be comfortable and happy there
now.
drank up most of the American Falls be-
fore learned that the waters were not con-
sidered medicinal Why are people left in
ignorance that way? l might have gone on
and ruined a fine property, merely for the
want of little trihing information. And
yet the sources Of information at Niagara Falls
are not meagre You are some times in
doubt there about what you ought to do, but
you are seldom in doubt what you must not DO.
No, the signs keep you posted. If an infant
can read, that infant is measurably safe at
Niagara Falls. In your room at the hotel
you will find your course marked for you in
the most convenient way, by means Of pla-
cards on the wall like these:
Pull the bell-rope gently, but don't jerk" "
"Bolt your door,"
"Don't scrape matches on the wall"
"Turn off your gas when you retire"
"Tie up your dog"
"If you place your boots outside the door
they will be blacked, but the house will not
be responsible for their return" (This is
confusing and tanglesome proposition, because
it moves you to deliberate long and painfully
as to whether it will really be any object to
you to have your boots blacked unless they
are returned.)
"Give your key to the omnibus driver, if
you forget and carry it off with you"
Outside the hotel, whenever you wander,
you are inteligently assisted by the signs.
You can not come to grief as long as you are
in your right mind. But the difficulty is to
stag in your right mind with so much instruc-
tion to keep track of. For instance:
"Keep off the grass"
Don't climb the trees"
Hands off the vegetables"
"Do not hitch your horses to the shrub
berry,"
"Visit the Cave of the Winds"
"Have your portrait taken in your car
riage."
Forty per cent in gold levied on all
peanuts or other Indian curiosities purchased
in Canada"
photographs of the Falls taken here"
"Visitors will please notify the superinten-
dent of any neglect on the part of employees
to charge for commodities or services" (No
inattention of this kind observed.)
"Don't throw stones down; ; they may hit
people below"
s'The proprietors will not be responsible
for parties who Jump over the Falls" (More
Sinking of responsibility-it appears to be
the prevailing thing here.)
1 always had high regard for the signers
of the Declaration of Independence, but now
they do not really seem to amount to much
alongside the signers of Niagara Falls. To tell
the plain TRUTH the multitude of signs annoy
ed me. 1t was because noticed at last that
they always happened to prohibit the very
thing I was just wanting to do | desired to
roll on the grass; the sign prohibited it.
wished to climb tree sign prohibited it.
longed to smoke the sign prohibited it. And
I was just in the act of throwing stone over
to astonish and pulverize such parties as
might be picnicing below, when sign have
Just mentioned forbade that. Even that sat-
isfaction was denied me (and | friendless
orphan) There was no resource now but to
seek consolation in the flowing bowl. I drew
my flask from my pocket, but it was all in
vain. A sign confronted me, which said
mo drinking allowed on these premises"
On that spot might have perished of thirst
but for the saving words of an honored max
i'm that fitted though my memory at that
critical moment, call signs fail in dry
time" Common law takes precedence of
the statutes. was saved.
The noble Red Man has always been darl-
ing of mine. l love to read about him in
tales and legends and romances. | love to
read of his inspired sagacity and of his love
of the wild, free life of mountain and forest;
and his grand truthfulness his hatred Of
treachery and his general nobility of char
acter and his stately metaphorical manner
ofspeech and his chivalrous love for his
dusky maiden and the picturesque pomp OF
his dress and accoutrement Especially the
picturesque pomp of his dress and accoutre-
ment. When 1 found the shops at Niagara
Falls full of dainty Indian bead-work and
stunning moccasins, and equally stunning toy
figures representing human beings who car
ried their weapons in holes bored through
their arms and bodies, and had feet shaped
like pie, was filled with emotion. l knew
that now, at last, was going to come face to
face with the noble red men. A lady clerk
in the shop told me, indeed, that all her
grand array of curiosities were made by the
Indians, and that there were plenty about the
Falls, and that they were friendly, and it
would not be dangerous to speak to them.
And sure enough, as approached the bridge
leading over to Luna Island, I came upon
noble old son of the forest sitting under
tree, diligently at work on bead reticule.
He wore a slouch hat and brogans, and had
short black pipe in his mouth. Thus does
the baneful contact with our efeminate CIV
;E,o+;on d;luto tho nictnresnue nomn which