The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-07-04
HOME MATTERS.
Pepper and salt.

A certain party, for short and POLITICALLY We
call him Pillgarlic Pardggle fellow who cat
tiers around the country in two horse rig, Of
fering for sale Il sewing machine, which from it.
horrld noise has earned for itself the name o.
The Earthquake recently had a miehap. II,
got Disguised with himself because the north
west corn on the southeast corner Of his litlC
toe sQuealed.' To revenge the injury inflicted
Ivy the corn he got mad and knocked one of hi,
horses. The horse GOT mad and kicked him. He
dropped. He fell mouth downward An cNca
Walton like cellar for first class block OF
buildings, made in the ground where his teeth
came together, shows where hC fell. some rem
crations hence one Of his front teeth will he due
oNt by some naturalist and labeled, "Tooth o,
mammoth Gorilla" found southeast Of Ota
va, Judging from the size of the tooth the
beast to which it belonged must have been sixty
feet high, and cZ,rcmlr vicious. The horses ran
away and smashed up he buggy, and now Far
rel is not happy. Last week we noted that there
was q " jO-' between the nov stone tagging in
front OF the lst National bank and that adioin-
ing on the sidewalk. Mr.. Gagcl, the stOuc-ist
who put them down, has raised the Others, and
now all his stones are Level. ChceTfully make
the amend honorable. Some cUntcmptihlc non
cntity-Onc Of those microScupical insects that
are SO small that the naked eye rarely discovers
thcm, but still are able when they crawl in null
titudcs to be an ammo ydncc--one of the editors
of the Pc 1cl, in his last issue of that puny thing
ventures toIspeah Of lis tBeemusJ in relation to
the recent liccncc Law jolifcation. We care but
little about it, as we have 4 peculiar faculty OF
minding our own business, yet we acknowledge
preference for ihG honest bow WOW" of the
New foundland dog to the sneakng yclp of the
contemplate whittet We commend the whiflet
Of the Republican, to the attention of the City
Marshal. The question may he as TO whether he,
or il, would be worth the muzzle tina: would fit
so small puppy, or would it not be better for
the Marshal to shoot him on the spot". Bow
man says he would like to be an aldcrlnan-hc
wants TO get on the street and alligator com
mittec,.. Mr. Burwcl the gentlcwan who con
stitutes the entire republican party of Seneca,
went to Richardson Il Bros. with friend for
soda water, lie is a strictly moral man, and
when his friend offered to throw the dice to see
who should pay for the soda, he Mortified,
but when his friend paid for it, his horrors were
not so binding-so they say. Madame De Gee
the bathcrsktG in pcttiCOats,-thc hoop skirtcd
fanatic, has been denouncing us at Omaha. She
threatens TO come back 10 Ottawa and "put
head on ub.' We advise her 10 20 home and
learn good manners, quit telling nasty dog stories
and take some medicine that is good for the
"simples.'. We met a tangle haired dirty faced
taterdcmalion, q boy aged about eight years, ON
yesterday morning. He was crying vociicrously.
We asked him soothngly what allied him. He
replied: bod blast it, ma just lad me on her
knee and spanked the stuflen out Of me. She
hain't licked me aforc IN three weeks She has
been out a 'crusadin,' and the city council went
back on her, so she's mad and licked me for re.
yenge-boo! hoo!. Harry Lewis SAYS he don't
take much stock in that new tangled kind Of
perfumcd water for moistenng bouquets. He is
not fond Of some sorts Of perfume any way. Tie
microscopical parasite that weekly crawls
through the columns Of the Ottawa R.g,bl;co.r
puts a number OF false assumptions and sunro.
sitions TO account for our refusing to respond 20
calls for speech at the recent jollifcaton meet
ing As we were there ard heard all the speech.
s. and we're wholly free from the vice To which
that pepper uuCharitabiy would commit Us. and
the Republican knew all these facts, that pretend
ID christian wilfully ord naliciously lied, and he
knew il. We advise him 20 acquire a TASTE for
telling the truth, and TO settle III, wash iii re.
rarly.