The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-11-14

Judy
Many texts by un-colored clergyman are no
more elegantly divided than the foowing
A colored preacher down South took for hi
text the words, Though after my skin worms
destroy this body, yet in my flesh ] shall Sc,
God" which he divided into three parts as fol
lows: First, skin worms; second what they
done; third, what the man seen after he was
eat up"
1t isn't always safe for printers to abbreyiatc
important words. The following is case in
point:
The books of Sunday school library in Da-
mariscotta are embellished with labels bearing
the following legend Number-Dama Bap.
list Sunday school
A man in New Brunswick jumps Sc feet
Couldn't he bother Delaware policeman by
Jumping clear out Of the state II a warrant was
issued for his arrest .HQwaukee Sentinel.
According to the Constitution OF this state
person cannot be imprisoned for debt.-ET
But there is no provision in the Constitution
of this state by which one can keep out of debt,
or get his provisions either,
The editor of the Marseillcs Herald seems to
have girl on his hands that he Is anxious to
get rid Of; he says that any person subscribing
for the Herald can have Grace Darling '-Joliet
Sun.
Nothing but the penalty for bigamy keeps US
from embracing that Offer including Grace.
Paris is to have a Russian newspaper to be
published under the supervision of the Russian
Ambassador 1t VIII be called the TpyiskAwski'
Think Of hearing that name sung out every
morning a. o'clock by the newsboys.
Still that name is entirely consonant with our
(Becmus) feelings. 1t sounds like whisty,
A rats nest was recently discovered in piano
in the house OF u lady living near Brighton, Eng
1t contained five young ones. The old rat flew
ut the lady who made the discovery, and she
was seized with q fit, and in the excitement OF
the moment the rat escaped The nest, with its
contents, was secured
But wherein the above statement is weak is,
that IL doesn't mention what became of the piano
Let us introduce sanscrit next: 1t is an almost
incalculable advantage for a man in business to
be q Sanscrittcr.-J0tlet Sun.
This is certainly a nice "critter" to INTRODUCED
into the public schools Of Joliet. Perhaps the
Sun will recommend "drap of the craythcr"I
next
Six births seven marriages and seven deaths
are recorded in the last issue of the Henry Re
publican. An cvenfull community.-EI.
What do you mean to insinuatc by an ereJWlI
CUumulllly' NHcIt NOuI CIusuucls
The people of Omaha complain with little
show of Justice that they are mentioned by out
siders as 'Onalogs,' Omahosses,' and Oma.
horribles'
Got anything for q sick man to ready inquired
pug nOsed boy al a newsstand the other day
Yes anything you want-Bibes, poems reis-
ious books, and so forth" replied the clerk Bi-
besm echoed the boy, do YOU think dads al
hangel? Gimme lively dime nOycl-onc with a.
injun sculping solger.'
The way Kane got his idea of an open polar
sea- was by attending elections: he always found
it warm at the polls.--Jolat Sun.
Kane must have voted the Republican ticket
this time. Come to think Of il we did "raiscI
Kane, at the recen! election.
II Is not our fault that We are red headed and
small, and the next time one Of those oycrgrown
rural roosters in Il ball room reaches down for
our head and suggests that some fellow has lost
a rose bud out of his button hole, there will be
trouble Hdudakec .SeHtiBd.
The editor of the Atlanta Nccs denounces his |
contemporary OF the Rome Commercial, as "a Nero,
Callgula, an Attilla, Chedarlaomer, Salais, a
Manehaleus, and an unmitigated Hieroglyphic."
As soon as the Commercial man can borrow an
encyclopedia he proposes ~ investigate the mat.
ter
Morris supports five butcher shops-HcroH .
That Is only crusaders name for saloons !
One Of the election results In Massachusetts, is
the defeat Of Aver. the pin man. for Congress, by
Tarbox 1t seems that pill-box was no match
for Tarbox.
Under the head Of Chopped Feed the Kan.
kakee GaIette says the sidewalks are inbeddcd IN
leaves. We haven't been brought down 10 eat
ing such things in Joliet yet.-JOlit Sun.
The Stone City people eat paving stones for
breakfast, drink stone fence with rubble stone
lunch between times; make a square dinEer of
dimension stone, have cold gravel for tea, sleep
in sand bed, and when they die-brimS'oue.--
Rdi.kdkee Gd=etie
The Gazette man should not send his Joliet
friends (pente. tiary) to tie devil in that way,
without some apology TO the aforesaid boss Of
the rimstone business.
The Count dc Chambord duly notifies his
friends to hold themselves in readiness for any
event The general impression out West is that
Chambord must be going 10 treat
Splendid weather for husking corn the past
two wecks and the farmers in this section have
been improving it.-Ld Sdtle Press.
Yes, and so have many persons around otia
wat the wet groceries, Election being over
the rep ublicans khuck corn no more-they are
haryes ting magnificent crop Of Jedts'
m YOU want 60 start an animated conversation
ON the weather, Just mention Beecher,' IN
room flied with ladies and gcntemen.-Sfdic
Register.
or course, because Beeeher is the bell wealth
er OF the Plymouth church flock.
California newspaper tells rather leatlery
story Of striped squirrel, which was seen lead
Mind r,ttIssnakc 70 his hole In the ground