Omaha daily bee., 1874-04-17

Philadelphia. All of them are at
tached to tobacco establishments.
Now let your hens out to harrow
up your neighbours feelings and his
seeds. 1t makes good garden-sass.
They think they have perpetual
motion at last in Massachusetts,.
Voting for Senator, you know.
Elephants are shrewd travellers.
They always keep their eyes on
their trunks.
"Man wants but little ear below,
nor wants that little long" unless
he would resemble a donkey.
The key to Jerusalem may be
found in the new telegraph office at
Bethlehem.
Memphis tried a bluff on the Mis-
sissippi river, but got called right
down to its hand.
Duluth is said to have a city Ordi-
nance which prevents a man from
keeping more than two tame bears.
gentleman i'm POttsville, Penn,
has named his dog "Penny" be-
cause il was n cent to him and
has had 10 mills with the cat.
The ladies of Leavenworth are
signing a pledge "to use no more
newspapers except as men use the
same"
The Boston Globe announces that
there is no truth in the report that
the English government intends to
send to Alaska for the Great Seal.
The latest action for damages is
n against a Virginia railway COM
pany for running over a rooster.
The jury gave the plaintiff S25.
You need not black your boots in
Pittsburg. You hang them out OF
a window at night, and they are
black enough in the morning.
A Missouri man has offered to
live forty days without food, if any
one will give him $500 for doing it.
No offers!
Some Hartford men rendered
Mark Twain a welcome supper, and
the bill, amounting to S20S, was
sent to him. He paid 1t.
"a man shall be known by his
fruits" soliloquized a respondent
father, "and mine are 'pairs.'"-
Brooklyn Argus.
The Boston Treveler says Georgia
lets out her State prison %convicts at
S11 a year, and thinks a man could
make more than that picking up
pins.
A law court i'm Iowa has fined a
farmer $40, because he made his son
turn a grindstone 16 consecutive
hours, for going home with an old
maid from singing school.
1t il estimated by a careful stats
clan that the amount taken from
the public by the louisville lottery
is about one-third that spent by the
women of America for spring style
bonnets.
An exchange asks: as there
anything that man cannot dO?l
To which DIR. Wood, of the Glas-
Cow (Ky.) Times, replies: eyes,
sir; we have never known one
suckle a baby"
The detectives seized a mysterious
looking trunk which arrived in st.
Louis lately, and thought they had
a strong case. 1t contained Linn
burger cheese.
Bobbs complains that his wife is
an infationist. She blows him up
every day, and makes him circulate
until he actually feels that he is be-
yond redemption.-LouisciUe Com
meretal.
"What has the temperance move
ment accomplished" queries the
Xenia 7~6rchhght. 1t has kept the
truly good editor of the forenoon
paper from taking a quiet comfort
able drink for three months. What
more could one ask?
The Bishop of Montreal had pro-
hibited dancing. Two officers, wish
ing to obtain permission to dance
the polky at a military ball, danced
together to show the bishop how it
was done. After the exhibition the
bishop gave his permission In these
terms: "YOu sal dance the polka
long as you please-with each
other"
Scene in the Mississippi Legisla-
ture.-"Mr. Speaker! Mr.. Speaker!
Mister Speakea-KER! amt titled
to the flo, sab? ! got up, sab, next
after Mr.. Smith, who was next
after Mr.. Johnson, who was next
after Mr.. Brown, who came next to
Mr.. Burns, who was next to Mr..
Bates, who was next TO Mr.. Ball,
who was next to Mr.. Blue, who was
next to Mr.. Barclay, sab, and have
stood here until all have gotthrough
turnabout, and now it's my turn.
A curious story is told in a Nat
chez paper about Fl. Polkenhome,
ST., of that place, who, while walk
out on a warn day, felt some
burning him i'm the side. His
clothing was on fire, and on ex-
animation no found that his eye
glasses in his waistcoat pocket had
caused the mischief. The suns
rays penetrating through this gar
ment to the lenses, had burned a
hole through the pocket, and
scorched his under-garments.
CANON KINGSLEY, Chaplain of
Her Majesty Queen Victoria, re-
delivered a sermon in which
he expresses the desire that America
furnish some hero for burial
n Westminster Abbey. Kate
in the Daily Graphic, COM
.ents at length upon this PROPOSE
ion. After exhausting a long list
Of imperishahle names, the writer
.Xclaims: George Francis Train,
where are you? Can you resist ?:"-
Bee.
England is welcome to him, liv
ng Or dead. The mere fact of his
present at one temperance
meeting nearly ruined the Crusa-
We Were not equal to the
odd.-NeW York Crusader, april
9th,
A Brooklyn plumber tells this
tory In The New York Sim.