The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-09-16
SCRAPS.

besdone. -.
The hardest thing to deal with-An
old pack Of cards.
r Selfmade men are very apt to wor-
ship. their maker.
IF YOU see a policeman aim at
dog, try to get near the dog.
Nothing comes homo so much to
man as an unsettled bill.
The highest compliment to bar
ber-He dyed and made no slgn.
No unfortunate trader looks so
down in the mouth as a dentist.
Our faith in human nature has
been restored-Susan B. says she
didn't.
Gravity is no more evidence of
s wisdom than a paper collar is OF q
shirt. .~;.'
q Between Spinner and Rristow, the
formers oaths are the moA t sonorous
The New Orleans Times puts the
scandal under the head of sporting
matters: Time!
Those who have tried it say that
kissing is like sewing machine, be-
cause it seems good.
nFred, how is your sweetheart p
"Pretty we'll, l guess; she says l
needn't call any more"
They are dlsputing Goldsmith
Maids time. Is she willing to leave
tito an Investigating Committee?
They now say that Bozarris didn't
Gchoer his band" at all, but hid in q
corn field as soon as the fight began.
The woman who writes the adj
dresses of her letters "catticornered'
is the special tormcntor of post-office
clerks.
They have a minister in Mound
City, Kan, who attracts people to his
prayer. meeting by the music OF a
brass band.
A man in San Francisco recently
wrote a letter to another asking him
for his wife, without so much as en-
closing postage stamp. r.--
A Pennsylvania baby is said to have
inherited the eyes and nose of his
father, but the cheek of his uncle,
who is an insurance agent.
A young man in Frisco embezzled
a diamond to pay his tailor bill.
Tuilors are at liberty to cut this out
and send it to their customers.
Don't try to be too smart. A man
(lately deceased) in Camillus, N. Y
put a second cartridge into his can
non before the first had exploded.
Teacher-"Pcter, you are such a
bad boy that you are not fit to sit in
the company of good boys on the
bench. Come up here and sit by me,
sir" 49, .
An Alabama editor winds up an
editorial on the corn crop with the
remark, ave have on exhibition in
onr sanctum pair of magnificent
cars"
The reason why sylvanus Cobb, Jr,
confines himself to writing for the
periodicals is because the legitimate
function of Cobb is to produce a
cereal.
Barnum has written to this city for
q newspaper man reported to have
lost $4,000. He would like to have
him in q museum Chicago Evening
Journal.
A person was boasting that he was
from a high family. "Ycs," said a
bystander, II have seen some Of the
family SO high that their feet could
not touch the ground"
A Western Postmaster writes to
the Postmaster General shat hell
will be full Of country Postmasters
bcforelong if they don't get more
pay than is allowed this Office"
" A Kansas farmer solemnly declares
that grasshopper sat on the gate
post and threateningly asked: "Wil-
liam Bryant, where 10 thunder is the
balance of that cold meat ?"
There's a $4,000 South Jersey
heiress, who has 80 many lovers sit
ting on the fence, waiting for her to
come out nights, that she has given
her entiro fortune to endow lunatic
asylum.
A spread.eagle barber announces
that he is professor of Crinicultural
Abscision and Chronological Tripsis.
It is not often that four such high
priced words get into single SEN
tence.
Progression is the watchword of
the hour, but in Missouri mothers
haul their disobedient children over
the knee and strike on the same old
spot that the Romans did three thou
sand years ago.
Mamma said little girl, "what's
the meaning of book being printed
in limo p why, my dear replied
the mother, aIt means the book will
be published in twelve months =