The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1874-02-13
HUMOROUS.
"a little nonsense now and thea
Is relished by the wisest men,"

Is rellsie0 ny tuc NthC7t lite@is
Table of interest-the dinner
table.
Thepaper that's full of rows; pa
per of pins.
How to avoid fits buy ready
made boots.
Robb & Steel, is the suggestive
name of a firm in Chicago.
When are eyes not eyes? When
the wind makes them water.
Troubles are like hogs; the small
er they are, the more they annoy
you.
An English lecturer says there is
no American Punch Isn't there,
though
Pat, do you understand French ~
"Faith an 1 do, if its spoken in
Irish"
Why is q person who lays q wager
as bad IS regular gambler? Be
cause he is no better.
When church is burning, why
is it impossible to save the organ ?
Because the engine can't play on it.
Cooipg is well enough before mar
riage, bat billing doesn't come till
after and then it comes from the
tradesmen,
81 have lost fiesh," said a topper
to a companion. mot a great loss .
replied the other. "you have made it
up in spirits"
Josh Billings says: success don't
konsist in never making blunders,
bnt in never making the same one
a second time
Have you Blasted HopesY" " in
quired lady of a librarian, who had
his face tied up. "No'm, it's only 8
blasted toothache," he replied.
'He was a good man." says an
Iowa paper of a decesed citizen,
shut then, he sometimes bet on the
wrong horse, the same as the rest
of u.s."
Are blacksmiths who make liV-
ing by forging, or carpenters who do
a little -connter-fltting, any worse
than men who sell iron and "steel"
for living?
80, George, your sister is nice
girl, but she does dress her head up
So" "Yes," said George, "but it is
the fashion ; there's nothing in it,
you know
An OK that had beea eating fer
mented grain, which was in prepare.
ton for making ale, became intoxi-
Gated, and was sold by its owner for
"corned" beef
A minister having to remark tina
there would be a nave in the new edi-
fee the society was erecting, an old
lady knowingly remarked: she knew
the person to whom he referred.
A dry witted soldier of the Tenth
Vermont regiment, during the war,
was heard to pray when the bullets
were falling in showers shout him,
as follows: "Oh, Lord, make me as
thin as a knife"
Old gent-"You don't mean to tell
me, waiter, that you can't give me a
toothpick?" Waiter-"W sir, we
used to keep 'em, but the gents al
most invariably take 'em away when
they've done with 'em.
A gypsy woman promised to show
two young ladies their husbands
faces in a pail Of water. "Why we
see our own faces" "Well," said
the gypsy, "won't they be your hus-
bands faces when you are married" p"
Henry c, Bowen paid $685. pre-
MUM for his pew in Plymouth
Church, the other day. The Chica.
go Post says that Bowen pays the
highest price for the privilege of be,
ing where he is least wanted of any
one we know.
A quarrelsome couple we're dis
cussing the subject of epitaphs an6
tombstones, and the husband said
"My dear, what kind of a stone do
you think they viii give me when
dief' Birthstone, my love-" was
the affectionate reply.
A telegraph messenger boy got hil
dispatches mixed, and delivered one
| for minister, to a jockey, "Can you
supply our pulpit on Sunday" whilt
the Divine got ''The race is post
poned to Monday; can't you come
down and spend Sunday"
An idle young man was complain
ing to a prosperous friend that, al
though he had tried his luck in al
sorts of fairs and lotteries, he haC
never been able to draw anything
Indeed" said his friend, "well, sup
/ pose you try handles ? You car
draw that.
A man Wentinto a butchers shop
and finding the owners wife in ct
tendance, thought he would have
joke, at her expense, and said
Madame, / want a yard of pork
ayes, sir" said she, aud then turn
ing TO a boy, she added "James
give that gentleman three pigs
feet"
"What large chickens these are ?
IlandlGdy-"Yes, chickens are largel
than they used to be; ten years age
we couldn't pretend to get CHECKER
as large as these Boarder, witt
an innocent ar, ''No, I suppose not
these must have grown a good dea
| in that time.n Landlady looks a.