Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-08-13
PHUNNYGR4MS.

A gentleman who was on a journey
became deeply engaged in thought, when
a woman approached him and id: . Sir,
can l open that Window" He slowly
drawled out: suppose you can if you
bring your whole mind to it," She quickly
replied: None of your palayer, sir, for
am sick to my stomach"
Next to seeing a fat woman sitting
on the stoop OF her vine-clad cottage,
sewing a patch on her husbands
breeches, there is no sight more exhila-
rating in these times of financial distress
than partyof young men gathered on a
green sward in front Of clearinghouse
IN the cool of the evening, batting with
deXterous mallet the bounding spheres
through ferruginous loops as prescribed
by the immortal author OF the noble
game OF croquet.-Ctuc5HHat1 Enquirer.
1t seems that certain country girl
in Scotland thought it quite possible that
there might be an excess IN scrupulOuS
regard to appearances. On her marriage
day the youth to whom she was about to
be united said to her in triumphant
tone: Weel, Jenny, haven't l been
unco ceevi," abiding to the fact that
during their whole cOurtshlp he had
never even given her kiss. Her quiet
reply was: Gu, ay, man; senselesSly
ceevlI'
Says the Detroit Free Press IAN old
man and his wife who came IN by the
Central Road yesterday morning saw
about thirty hacks at the door of the
depot, and about thirty hacl1men shouted
hack at them. The man took it all as
a high compliment, and turning to the old
To- h.
think we are something great, or they'd
never had all these carriages down here
to meet us. wonder how they knew we
was cOming?"
One of KokOmo's prominent citizens,
on being asked why he didn't attend his
wife's funeral, feelingly replied, with
tears trickling down his weather beaten
countenance: Wal, you see, boys, l
he'd got no idee they wus goin' to plant
Hammer so soon; didn't know nuthin' of
it till this undertaken come lopin' round
the corner with that black dead animal
wagon O hisn, an then twas too late for
me to find the blackin brush, an l thort
I'd let jim take my chance for a free
ride, anyhow. Got a match, Bill?"-ID-
didHapOLiS Herald
"A lecturer on natural history was
called upon the other day to pay for a
live rabbit he had in a basket in a rail
way carriage, and which the ticket-cOl-
lector said would be charged the same as
a dog. The lecturer vainly explained
that he was going to use the rabbit in
illustration of a lecture he was going to
give in a provincial town; and indignant
ly taking a small live tortoise from his
pocket said you will be telling me
next that this is a dog and that Unjust pay
for it also" The ticket-taker went for
superior orders and on his return deliv-
cred this lecture in natural history
g Cats is dogs and rabbits is dogs, but a
tortoise is hinsect."
What can be pleasanter than the life
of a farmer? At daylight he gets up and
examines the holes around his corn-hills
for cut worms; then he smashes cod
ding moth Larvae with a hoe-handle I'M
til breakfast. The forenoon is devoted
to watering the potato-bugs with a solu-
ton Of Paris green, and after dinner all
hands turn out to poul boiling water on
the chinch- bugs in the corn and wheat
fields. In the evening a favorite occupa-
ton is smudging peach trees to discour-
age the curculio, and after brief season
of devotion at the shrine of the night
flying cOleOptera all the folks retire and
sleep soundly till Aurora reddens the
east and the grasshoppers tinkle against
the panes and summon them to the
labors Of another day-N. T. Sun.