The Grange advance., 1874-01-28

10 Ce8Cu OeGteT CuAIuIo "a eAC Gull
and to surround our homes with beauty
and comfort.
To avoid imposition and dispense
with middlemen as far as practicable.
To inculate morality and temperance,
foster education and culture brotberly
love.-Me New Era.
Por LucK-Collecting old china.
WHAT did Adam first plant in the
garden of Eden His foot.
Loss of China packet-ship" ex-
claimed Mrs. Partington. "No wonder,
when iron ones aren't always safe.''
HAVE you heard my last speech ?"
asked a haranguer Of wit. {" l sim
cerely hope so, was. the reply.
AN Irishman having been told that
the price of bread had been lowered, ex-
claimed, "This is the first time [ ever
rejoiced at the fall Of my best friend''
MATHEMATICS isa delightful science.
A Maine woman ate gallon Of oysters
the other day for 500. After deduct
ing S85 for funeral expenses, how much
did she " clear p
If man gets into any kind Of an en-
terprise and is successful, he will say he
was smart, but his neighbors will say he
was lucky; but if he does not succeed
we'll, he will say he was unfortunate, but
his neighbors will say he was fool.
BOTH Democrats ard Republicans
are equally guilty, according to their
respective numbers, and should all be
repudiated by their constituents, and
forever debarred from holding Office in
the future.-Hayano III. Clarion.
The need Of new party is now dem
onstrated beyond any doubt whatever,
and the present corrupt parties in Con-
gress have done the people of the coun-
try a great favor by so conclusively
showing this need.-hedia.oza Ia.
Journal.
GRACE GREENWOOD says: g It is
hardly safe, nowadays, to name a
mountain or a baby after man till he
is dead. He may embezzle or take
back pay, or become a dreadful railway
autocrat, or a candidate for the presi-
dency and then you wish you hadn't
done it"
A MAN from the country, whose wife
had eloped and carried off the feather
bed, was in Louisville in search Of them
not that he cared anything about the
wife, but the feathers,' said he,
g them's worth forty eight cents a
pound"
AN elderly millionaire, being pestered
with all manner Of applications for mon
ey, says, II was good natured once, but
l beg to state in the most positive
terms that am now old, tired, very i'll
natured, and want that fact generally
known"
OLD Scotch Lady. "Take a snuff,
Sir?
GENTLEMAN (,oith large nasal prom
o''to'y, Indignantly, do l look like
snufer ?'
OLD LADY. "Well, I Gamma jist
say ye do, though 1 maun say ye hae
grend accommodation"
Two neighbors had long and en-
venomed litigation about small spring,
which they both claimed. The judge,
wearied out with the case, at last said,
"What is the use Of making so much
fuss about a little water?" "Your
honor will see the use of it," replied
one of the lawyers, when I inform you
that the parties are both milkmen !"
The roar of laughter which followed
proved that the entire audience saw the
point.
"OLD BORE" We have always
thought that it was intended to apply
only to toe-nails. Be that as it may, we
give you the ancient bit of doggerel on
the subject
"Cut 'em on Monday, you cut 'em for health;
Cut 'em on Tuesday, you cut 'em for wealth;
Cut em on Thursday new new pal pair Of Of shoes; % '
Cut 'em on Friday, you cut em for sorrow;
Gut em on Saturday, see your true love tomorrow
Cut 'em on Sunday, and you'll have the devil with
you all the week"
If; after this warning you should ever
again cut your toe-nails on a Sunday,
you will know what to expect.
RANKIN, the defaulting State Treas
urer Of Iowa, has managed SO that the
State will probably have to suffer the
entire amount due from him. The
A nricnlfnral Collono mill he q hoa1,u