Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-04-09
How to Act i'm Case of Fire.

THERE are very few people VINO can
keep cool in case they discover fire, and
this is the reason why more fires are not
put out in their incipient stages, before
any great damage is done.
In case you are walking along the street
and discover chimney burning out, make
up your mind that the whole house has
got to go unless your own Individual eX-
ertions prevent. Therefore, jerk the gate
off its hinges, kick the front door in on
the astonished family and yell " fire! "
Your first yell needn't be louder than the
common Indian war-whoop, but after the
first you must cert yourself in grand eff
forts to beat any other man in that town
who ever yelled over burning chimney.
The family may desire an explanation as
the front door falls in and you bound over
it and begin to throw the chairs around.
There is no set answer to repeat, but most
men manage to say:
"Fire fire your house-get out
f1re-hurry- blazes-fre-hang it-fre-
fire!"
They will generally accept the explana-
ton without argument, and you can go
ahead and rescue the contents of the
house. Always commence on the parlor
ornaments first. Ifyou haven't time to
save anything but chrome, half of q
marhle-top stand, and the head of piece
of statuary, you don't know how far
these things would go toward setting the
burned-out family to housekeeping again.
The windows were made to throw things
through. If you can fling all the orna-
ments out, wrench the sofa to pieces, and
break the legs off the chairs, you can
consider you have saved everything in
the parlor worth saving. If there is a
stove in there tip it over as you rush to
save the bedding and other furniture.
Don't throw a bed from the chant Der
window; nothing will break a feather
bed all to pieces as quick as fall. Take
them on your back and carefully carry
them from two to four blocks away and
deposit them gently on doorstep.
But the case is different with crockery
and looking glasses; you can heave them
out on the walk with perfect confidence
that they wouldn't even get flaw. Don't
try to save whole bedstead, but wrench
it to pieces, and throw three or four Stats
out, and then grab the bureau. Bureaus
are cumbersome articles to handle, and
it's bestto divide them in halves with the
ak, and throw down the portions sepa-
rately.
I had forgotten to say that it is posi-
lively necessary for you to yell fire ~
twice per second, from the time you kick
the door in till the fire is out, or the house
burned down. If you didn't do this,
some of the family might forget that the
house was on fire and make arrangements
to go visiting, or put on dried apples to
stew, or go to setting emptyings.
An ordinary cool man will clear a
house of all worth saving in about fifteen
minutes, especially if he has little help.
If the house goes for it, the family will
not fail to remember that, but for you,
they might have been roasted alive; and
if the flames are subdued, they'll pick up
the looking glass frames, drawer knobs,
pitcher handles and chair legs, and move
back in with hearts full of gratitude that
you, noble hero, through your GOODNESS
and selfpossession, saved all that was
worth saving.-M Quad, IN FSreside Friend.