Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-02-19
BREYITIES.
BEST size for a man-exercise.

BETTER be upright with poverty than
be wicked with plenty.
WHAT is the proper age for a parson {?
Why, the parsonage, of course.
a WRITER wishes to know why people
always spell fms without an h.
WHEN a man calls for two fresh eggs in
Nevada it means dollar and half
A MAINE woman sued saloon keeper
for ''the loss of her husbands society"
MARION Co., Mo, boasts of hog that
has six perfectly formed toes on two of its
feet
ONE of the last stage lines in Maine,
between Portland and Gray, has been dis
continued.
THE Nashville Union and american
truthfully says that dip-theory is a Bap-
fist disease.
1t costs $4,000 to bury a Congressman
who dies at Washington. 1t could be done
much cheaper at home.
NEW YORK is trying hard to rival Lon
don in the matter of impenetrable fogs,
and is succeeding beautifully.
An AUGUSTA (Me) minister refuses to
perform the marriage ceremony for per-
sons who have been divorced.
WHAT three authors would you mention
in commenting on an extensive confagra-
ton? Dickens, Hewitt Burns!
THIRTY-sEvEN persons were killed last
year by other persons playfuliy pointing
supposed unloaded guns at them.
THE late Hon. John P. Hale once re-
marked that "Of all sorts of essence the
devil likes acquiescence the best"
VIRGINIA is getting so many English
settlers that it will soon be the correct
thing to call her the hold Dominion.
A POOR family in Green Bay had to
mortgage their six dogs, recently, to get
barrel Of -four. The case is pitiable.
A BALKY horse in double team may
always be started by tying his tail to the
whif1etree and starting the other horse.
a RED BANK, n. J., farmer boasts that
his hens lay eggs that can't be beat. That
farmer ought to be taken into custardy.
THE girls of Syracuse, N. Y, amuse
themselves by blackening their faces and
going about in disguise for umbrellas to
mend.
A MOTHER and her ten children, living
at NeWburyport Mass, altogether weigh
ton. The "baby" tips the scale at $50
pounds.
THE newest name for hog is root
grubber, corn-sheller, apple grinder, gate
litter, double-action back spring-sod
plow.
WHILE carrying fence-post, Center
vile (Wis.) farmer stumbled and fell, and
the post fractured his skull, causing
death.
A CHICAGO paper says that it is wonder
full how quick the blind beggars of that
city can tell the difference between ten
cents and quarter.
WHAT is the difference between farm
er and bottle Of whisky? The farmer
husbands the corn and the bottle of whis-
ky corns the husband.
IT Is a remarkable fact that the 6th of
January, the anniversary of the battle of
New Orleans, passed by this year with
out any especial notice.
AGAssIz used to claim that it was just
as proper to say "pint of milch'' as to
say "a mich cow" His head was popu-
larly supposed to be level.
THE London Morning Post declares
that Mark Twain, as a humorist, is a
fraud, not fit to be mentioned the same
day with Artemus Ward.
A GREAT drinker being at table they
offered him grapes at dessert. 'Thank
you," said he, pushing away the plate, 81
don't take my wine in pills"
MRS. LUCY G. THURsToN, now in her
seventy-seventh year, is the only survivor
of the pioneer missionary band that land
ed in the Sandwich Islands in 1920.
ScHULTz's chrcnscope, used in estimat-
ing the initial velocity of cannon ball,
80 10
one ffty-thousandth Of a second.
APRONS of light-colored silk are worn
indoors by the young ladies', with dark
dresses. The aprons are cut round and
trimmed with small ruffles and lace.
A LENGTHY article is in circulation tel
ling how to make good mustard plaster.
An article telling how to successfully
dodge one is what smitten people want
A LATE convict in the Iowa State Prison
has sued the warden of that institution to
recover damages for being kicked in the
stomach while incarcerated. He wants
$4,000.
A YOUNG man in New Haven has sub
sisted for two years on three quarts of
milk daily, and aquantity of lemon drops,
a diet made necessary by chronic dis
ease.
IT is fashionable nowadays to have
your initials embroidered in the center of
fine handkerchiefs instead Of the left or
right hand corner, as heretofore the
style.
ONE of the latest fashions is to trim a
plain black skirt and waist with black
velvet to simulate a redlngote. 1t is a
clever idea, and is being extensively car
ried out.
The reason boy gave for being late
at school was, that the boy in the next
house was going to have a dressing down
with bed cord, and he wanted to hear
him howl.
SOME thoughtful person says: at is
unkind to ridicule those items IN the pa
pers about centenarians. 1t is no easy
thing to become a centenarian; several
have failed"
THE world is an old woman that mis-
takes any glittering farthing for a gold
coin; whereby being often cheated she
will henceforth trust nothing but the COM
mon copper.
THE Archbishop of Canterbury says,
that it is no part of its business to make
inroads upon dissent, but rather to make
inroads upon ungodliness.
"WHAT is more exhilarating sight,"
asks Vermont paper, than to see eight
cen handsome girls sliding down hill on
an OK sled?" 7'Nineteen," says the expe-
rienced editor Of the Boston Post.
ACCORDING to a recent issue of the
Jacksonville (Fla) Union, large tiger
cat was killed by a boy eleven years old,