, 1874-06-28
HuM0R.

"A week ouclusion-Saturday night.
"A philanthroplst proposes to muzzle tho boys
during the green apple season.
down hill IN barrel, they speak Of bis ''appear~
ance in new role"
A Detroiter complimented a newspaper par
agraph with the remark that 1t was as neat
little JUDAS Priest as he ever heard"
An old winc-bibber Bays thnt an empty cham
pagne-bott1e is Like an orphan. bacause it has
lost ite pop.
when IN old citizen Of Detroit goes through
q ruuawav uuharmed, tho Free Press felicitates
him on his escape from 'frescolng the wheels
OF passing EXPRESS wagon with his brains."
IA Yankee editor has recently got up rerne-
dy for hard times. 1t consists Of ten hours la
bor, well worked in.
One Paradise has been sued for slander by
Miss Wartz, of Brooklyn, whcreapon somebody
remarks, ''Thnt's Wstsz the matter With Para-
disc"
The glorious Fourth Is not far of. It will
mako lemonade taste better to remember that
our forofathers poured out their gore without
charging eent.-Detroit Free Press.
The poor old father Of d bootblack says he
never enjoys himself 30 much As when he secs
the son shine. ..
The young lady out West who received 81 900
damages for q kiss is Baid to be spelling to be
thus damaged again.
-Padagogue-F little boy, what is your
name? Little bos-Jule. pedagogue-Oh, no ;
your name is julius. Next little boy. what is
yours ? Second boy-My name is Bilious.
a drunken Chinaman, feeling rich aud elAted
at his progress III American civilization, went
through the streets OF San Francisco, crying,
.Hoop-la! Hoop-la" Mo all same az 3lelican
man. Hair cut shot, and drunk like hill!
--Negro-minstTelsy is said to be declining
probably because tho Graugera are down on the
middle-lnan.
An Arizona girl ehot her lover, and then
nu1sed him tendeily till be died. His last words
were: II forgive yoq1; Mary; you did it With an
igory~handcd pistol" :.
"A Louisiana man puts g two-ounce can OF
tro-gycer1ne inside Of O. chicken, tosses the
chicken to an alligator, and that alligator does
not trouble tho bayou any more+
DIR. Cuyler wants all young ladies. to band
together aud say: . No lips shall touch my Ups
that have touched = bottle" Rather rough this
on the fellows that were brought up by hand.
There is nothing plcasanter, when in tho
declining years Of life, than to have the
boy vho used to catch all the fish aud find all the
berries coma to you for the 1oauo1 hau~aoAar-
Time works it's 1eyengea.
One who makes human nature his study says
that when 4 girl takes her handkerchief aud
moisteninR it with her lips wipes black spot
of young mans nose, wedding between the
parties is inevitable.
~ f-A few days ago lady Of Bloomfield, H.,
went to tho fost-Ofice and asked for some
stamps Tho clerk gave her come green ones.
She asked him If be didn't have any pink; her
stationery was pink, and she wanted stamps 70
Mi, Blythe, Of Indian Territory, gets upon +
stump and calls out: s'Gentleu,en, I'm looking
for nv tw5nty-eighth man since january"
Then the crowd scatters and leaves the speaker
shooting at tile slowest mnn.
"A lamented citizen Of Montana, whose pas
sion for horses led him out to the end Of con-
ycuienr boush. and whose ultimate views OF life
we're taken through sllp-noose. declared It 70
be his conviction (Which was uuanlmouB) that
this world il all hemp-tia show.
gT-Overnice.-Not many years ago Hartford
man WAS drowned, and friends brought nome
the dead body to his afflicted wife. As they.
came to the front door with the corpse the new
made widov Appeared and sadly remarked: "
guess you had better take him around to the
back door, 60 be won't drip On the carpets!"
-" Have you damp sheets in your hotel r
inquired fastidious old party at the - House
the other evening, after he had written his name
and handed in his ca1pet-bag to the hall-boy
preparatory to ascending to the room assigned
him ~ don't think We have any on hand just
now" answered the ba1d-headed clerk, laughing,
=. but I'll order pair put under faucet for you,
sir, directly" Fastidoua old party and bal d.
headed clerk adjourn to the bar.
-Orange-peeis hre found to be much inferior,
for upsetting purposes, to large California pea-
poda. Our brevity-man saw lady eseP on one
of the latter yesterday. She kicked with both
feet az high az bnllet Star, gave the pesuliar
shrill. feminine scream, sat down. eald oh
mYl" snoo,hod down her disordered attire,
looked around wildly, rose quickly. shook herself
to see il anything was loose. gaze . "1thes1ng
glance at the place where she had fallen, and,
with al1 The spare blood she had IN her lace.
went On With her Bhopplng.-S1n FRANCISCO