davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

THE MEANEsT MAN.-It turns out, after all,
the meanest man is not the man who split up
his first wife's tombstone. Burrows is even
meaner than he. Burrows was an inveterate
tobacco chewer but as his wife detested the
practice and made home tempestuous and
stormy for him when he INDUCED in the habit
there, he always chswed when away during
the day, and declared tc his wife that he had
stopped permanently. But one evening, upon
entering the front door and drawing out his
handkerchief, he accidentally pulled out his
paper of tobacco and without noticing it, left
it lying on the floor When Burrows sat down
to his tea, his wife walked in with the tobacco
in her hand, and looking Burrows firmly in the
eye said, "Do you know who that belongs
to2" With great presence of mind Burrows
turned scowling to his oldest boy and said,
with a severe voice Immortal Mars Is it
possible that you have begun to chew tobacco,
you young reprobate? Where did you get
that nasty stuff? What do you mean by such
conduct, you young william? Haven't told
you often enough to let tobacco alone Come
here to me, or III tear the jacket off of you. y
And as he spoke the stern father made graf
at the boy and dragged him out in the entry
where he chastised him with cane. Their
Burrows threw the tobacco over the fence
where he went out and got it in the morning
and enjoyed it during the day. . Mercifu
Moses !" he exclaimed when he told US abou
it, what would have done if my children
had all been girls? 1t makes an old father
heart glad when he feels that he has a boy b,
can depend on in such emergencies.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A CURIOUS INCIDENTAL correspondent of
the London Lancet, the most important medi-
cal journal published in England, relates the
following curious fact IA man in his neigh
borhood had three daughters. Wishing for a
son, he made solemn VOW that, if his next
child should be a girl, he would never speak
to her. The next child proved to be a son, as
he wished, but curiously enough, he would
never speak to his father, although he lived
thirty.five years with him. He always talked
freely with his mother and sisters, but with no
one else until ai.er the death of his father,
when he talked readily with every one. He
was called "Dumb Eli"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A ROMANCE OF THE HUB-A Boston cor.
respondent of the Chicago Tribune relates the
following story: About ten years ago Boston
merchant sent his lovely daughter into Yer
mont for her health. She stayed few months
and fell deeply in love with poor but promis
ing machinist there. Soon after her return
the young man followed her to Boston, and re-
quested her fathers consent 30 a wedding in
the indefinite future. That, party, however,
Indignantly rebuked his pretensioDs, and the
young man went West with wounded pride but
vast ambitions. In short time he amassed o
large fortune, as usual, but did not, as usual,
tall in love again. The lady, on the other
hand obeying her fathers wishes, married, and
went to Europe to live. In two years she
was widow, but having no call to America
she continued to live abroad. Recently the
Western capitalist was called to Europe on
business. He took a passage last September
in steamer bound from Marseilles to Leghorn
A sudden storm arose, and as the vesse
pitched about, lady passenger was thrown
overheard. He leaped after her, the crew
threw over chairs and planks, but nothing wa
seen of the two poor creatures in the water
They were given up for lost. 1t happened
however, that they reached plank, drifteC
about until morning, and then were rescuet
and carried to Malta. 1t is needless to sa
that she was she and he was he. and tho
were married at once in the English chape
and are now on their way home to Americs
Moral: Learn TO swim.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

THE BERRY SToRY.--The papers are rehasb-
ing the old Berry story, and they don't CON
clude it in accordance with the facts. This is
the correct version
A celebrated comedian arranged with his
green-grocer, one Berry, to pay him quarterly ;
but Berry once sent in his bill long before the
quarter was due; thereupon the comedian in
great wrath called upon the grocer and said to
him, II say, here's pretty null Berry; you
have sent in yonr bill, Berry, before it is due,
Berry, Your father, the elder, Berry, would
not have been such a goose, Berry; but you
needn't look SO blue, Berry, for don't care a
straw, Berry, and if you come again before
June, Berry, I'll kick your rasp, Berry. until
IL is black, Berry. ."-LOuiscile Courier
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

In Decatur, ILL.,, when young lady declines
an offer to convey her home, he asks permis-
sion to sit on the fence and see her go by.
Since the hard times struck Nevada they
have raised the price of killing Cinnamon TO
seven dollars.
Ninety-fve pairs of twins and one collectios
of triplets were added to the population Of
Chicago last year.
An English publisher who advertised "Joa-
qun Miller, half calf Is threatened with
libel suit,
A prisoner got out Of the Green Bay Gala
boose by picking the lock with tooth pick.
To get glass of water at boarding house
Send up for third cup Of tea.
An Indiana gentleman stole his wife's hair
and pawned it for liquor.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

AFFECTING OBITUARY.-Another old citizen
of Illinois is prematurely no more. "In lfe's
great game of poker" as the aged minister
tearfully observed in his funeral discourse,
she has thrown down his hand, which, permit
me to say, brethren, was equal to four aces and
a queen, he has surrendered his chips, drained
his glass to the dregs, and walked out. And,
what is most remarkable about it is, the full
force of the impropriety of keeping her rat
poison in the tea pot did not seem to strike the
old lady until about the time of the inquest
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

MUST BE STOPPED.-A conductor on the
Chicago and Alton railroad is reported as hav.
ing forbidden honeymoon 'billing and cooling.
Observing a bridegroom's arm out of place he
forbade further demonstrations.
"But have a right to hug her," said John. >
"Not on railroad" said the conductor,
'there is law against all unjust discrimina-
tions on railroads, and as | haven't woman
for each man on the train to hug, your action
is in violation Of the law, and must be
stopped"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21
POetv.
FAR APART,

Beneath the quaint old bridge you hear
The waves make music a. the pass,
And. winding to the elm tree near,
You see the pathway through the Rrass,
Where We were wont to walk, alasI
The river wAnders as Of cid
Beneath the shade OF willow trees,
The sunlit waters sleGm like gold.
And ripple to the gentle breeze;
But l am far from thee and theset
The sky bends over broad and blue,
And in the soft ard mellow light,
You tread the lans our footsteps knew
In former days, when days were bright;
Do these days bring such sweet dsliEhtf
And still that lane with grass is green:
With fragrant flowers the banks are fair;
In golden gloss and silver sheen
The bees still haunt the balmy air.
But you will fail to 6nd me thsre.
Again. perchanee. may not see
The rustlinE rows Of willow trees
(Which lent a Ieaiy canopy
When we strollsd underneath at ease; y
For am far from thee and these!
Our joys fsrsake us. Soon does spring
Pass by and for the summer call
Soon do the birds lose heart to sing.
When fading leaves in autumn fall;
And winter Is the end OF all.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21
Some Thorts.
By JOSH BILLINGS.

If we alwus do the best we can, the
results will astoniSh US and our neigh
bOrs
| wouldn't dri up the tears Ov this world
if could they are often the only things
that poor human nature has to bathe her
trubblesin
We kant define happiness emmy more than
we kan buty.
The Gods luv to help them who help them
selves, and so do men.
1t IL az diffikut to define suckcess az it IL to
ackOunt for the meazes.
1t il dreadful eazy for a man to dis
hundred and so thousand dollars well
invested.
If fortune haz emmy faYorites it IL not the
Indifferent, but it is thoze whom she haz to pay
to git rid ov their teasing.
Luv is like the meazles if we have really
got them, they are sure to sho.
To kno how to talk il crate art, but to kno
when is a CRATER
The only sure way to keep sekret IL to
forgit it.
When a man is pulled up with a harm
less kind ov pride that don't do anybody
any hurt, it is a krewel piece of bizness
to take the kOnsait out ov him; it IL as
krewel as to pull the feathers out ov a pekok'
tale.
The harte is a MYSTERIOUS thing; we kar
almost always find out what is in &
mans head, but the things that sleep il
the heart are often unknown even to the
possessor.
Every one who trades with the devil expect
to git the best ov him, but never hav seen i
yet.
One reazon why advice cost so littl
IL bekause every one has sum of it t
spare.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

"Dear old Aunt Sarah" said schoolgirl,
"don't see very well, and last Sunday she was
buzzing around getting ready for church, look
ing for umbrella, specs, over shoes, and last,
but not least, her prayer book. The latter she
thought she had secured by grabbing some
thing off her bureau at the last moment, but
when she got to church it proved to be my
her place in this uncommon book of prayer,
touched the spring, and it went off in fine style
to the tune of %, Jim my come Along, Jim
Along, Josey"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

Olenmargarins is the name OF the artificial but
ter which, having had such an extensive sale in
London and Paris, is now becoming popular in
New York and Boston. There are two Of these
oIeomargarine factories in New York, one in
Fifty-sixth street and one in Twenty st.
They produce daily nineteen thousand pounds,
which, with the product of other factories in
the vicinity Of the metropolis, makes the yield
butter is made from the yellow, tasteless and
odorIess oil that ia obtained from beef suet.
This oil is placed in churns, with one. fifth its
weight of sour milk, and churned until an emul.
sion is formed, anatto being added to give il
the required color. 1t is then cooled and
worked and salted like common butter. 1t il
estimated that four thousand tons (eight mil
lion pounds) of this artificial butter have beer
consumed in this country during the last eigh
months.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A young lady upbraded an admirer for his
firtations during a long absence. You are
too bad to be pardoned,' she said u" but if |
discard you, l shall punish myself most, and
so will ignore what is past, and enjoy your
society as much as can while live, for when
die | shall never see you any mors-I am
going to Heaven"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

An energetic young Yankee, who had been
reported as among the fatally injured by
railroad accident, and afterwards reported as
not among that unfortunate company, writes
to the editor, saying, 81 tell you ] toas among
the fatally injured, but the reason didn't die
was because I'm always temperate in my
living, and have a splendid constitution
naturally"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A good mother was trying to explain to
young hopeful the other day about fighting
against the devil After telling the little follow
who he was, and how hard he was to success
fully resist, he turned round and said Nam
ma, I'd be scared of the old devil, but if was
to come across one of his little devils I'd
knock the stufing out of him"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

The other dav at a concert, q gentleman
having put his hat upon a chair to keep a
place, returned to claim it after a short absence
The hat he found, sure enough, where it had
been left, only there was stout lady sitting
on it, Madame" said he, you are sitting
on my hat" The lady blushed little, turned
round, and said in the blandest manner: "Oh,
beg pardon I'm sure thought it was my
husbands"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A German peddler sold man a liq'id for
the determination of bugs. And how do
you use it?" inquired the man, after he had
bought it. Ketch te bug, un drop Won little
drop into his mout," answered the peddlcr.
1.-THE deuce you do y exclaimed the pure ser
on it." Voll," camly exclaimed the German,
" dat is a good way, too.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

Last week, in Ohio. young lady died from
what o round-headed old doctor said was
"heart kot or embyolism of the main 6ue of
the he0rt," but she revived in an hour, and it
was found had been temporarily checked by q
chew of gum which she had swallowed.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A Cincinnati matron says that there is not
fashionable girl in that city but would rather
stay away from church than be seen wearinga
pair of single. button gloves
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

"The IsraeIites Crossing the Red Sea" 10
one of the paintings exhibited by a professor
in Maine, who claims in his advertisement that
they were photographed direct from nature. :"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A fellow with pistol bullet in his left side,
one inch above his heart, sixinch slash on
his head and broken leg, crawled into Ban
gor, Me-, doctors Office to get fixed up, " as
he pleasantly put it, the ether morning. He
said they'd been havin' some fun over to
house." but ho declined to designate the domi'
cile more particularly and possibly they are
too we'll used to these comic eccentrcities down
in Maine to inquire very closely: But this
Maine chap is evidently fellow who can take
joke, and bear no grudge against the giver.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

The excuse ofthe young lady to her minister,
who caught her mapping, was, Don't you
think ladies had better be fast asleep than fast
awake"
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A keen observer says there is as much differ
ence between self conceit and self respect az
there is between selfish men and men who sell
6sh
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

A young lady from Allegheny called at .
Pittsburgh bookstore the other morning for a
deck of them new posted keards; double head
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

The last census returns show the existence of
more trades and professions among women than
one would suppose possible. Besides women
farmers, there are forty-fve female stock herd
ers, five BARRIERS, twenty-four dentists two
hostlers, three professional hunters and trap
pers, five lawyers, 535 physicians ninety seven
clergywOmen, seven sections, ten canal women,
1875 dray women, one pilot four gas stokers,
thirty-three gunsmiths, seven gunpowder max
ers, sixteen ship riggers, with a large number
of artisans, mechanics, inventors, telegraph
operators and teachers of navigation.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

The creditors of an abscOnding Yankee found
on opening his safe that the only thing he had
laid up fer a rainy day was an umbrella.
Smyrna times., 1874-01-21

Vermont girls ride down hill on sleds.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
EUREKA DAILY SENTINEL.
SATURDAY. JANUARY IL. i>.4.
coNKLIN roR CHIEF JUSTICE.

According to Geographic ad'iccs
from Washington, Senator Conklin, OF
New York. is to receive the nonaiua-
ton for Thief Justice of the Cnited
States, and it is lu.imated that" Barkis
i, williny." a fact about which we ITO
not entertain a doubt. /. was given
out some months ago that Conklin was
the coming man, but the press de-
nounced him in in such positive terms
that il was thought advisable hv the
President tn seek a more available cam
didate. We shall expect now To see
the storm of indignation renewed; and
it is extremely doubtful whether
or not he will be confirmed
by the Senate. There are ten
thousand lawyers in the United States
better qualified for the position thar
Conklin. If, however, as Sargent anG
others claim, the Office is essentially {
political one, why then Conklin is the
man. lie is nothing if not a partisan
and the trickiest kind of a politician.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
COMMITTEE OF INVESTIGATION

1t appears, after all. tina. the charges
Of bribery in connection with the late
Senatorial election in California are to
undergo AL inve .tigation. Ever since
Mr.. Booth was elected the atmosphere
about the Capital has been surcharged
with rumors of corruption and bribery.
and it finally became apparent to his
friends that the best thing that could
be done under the circumstances was
to- orvfer an investigation. We do not
believe that the revelations of the
committee will amount to much. 1t is
doubtless true that the friends of Gov
rno Booth spent money i'll his behalf,
but to establish the facts is quite a diff
ferent thing. As usual in such cases.
the committee will submit to a white
washing report and that will be the
end of the whole affair. We do not
pretend to say that Governor Booth,
individually, bought anybody's vote.
yet we do believe that votes We're pur-
chased for him. There were three or
four miraculous conversions during
the last few days of the great struggle.
The anne of the gentlemen who are
to conduct the investigation are given
in u Geographic report from San
Francisco,
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17

Mr.. LINCoLN's RELIGIoN.-There is
much discussion just now among the
newspapers and authors in the East
concerning Mr.. Lincoln's religion.
Some of the religious prints have been
drawn into the dispute, and of course
the war is spirited, not to say bitter and
vindictive. The anti-religionists, how
ever, seem to have the weight of testi-
mony in their favor. Mr.. Lincoln
once wrote an extended essay, called
by some a book. in which he maintain
ed avowedly after the manne Of Paine
and Noltaire, that the Bible was not
Gods revelation, nor Jesus the Son OF
God. If he did rot change his opin-
ion in later Years, the essay should be
accepted as conclusive of the whole
question, to wit: that Mr.. Lincoln
lived and died an intidel.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
PACIFIC COAST DISPATCHES.
FROM

- 80
Louis Fran .oni was arrested to-day
on Il charge of having defraudel the
United States revenue bv mean of false
marks and stamps on casks of spirits.
He gave bail for his appearance i'll the
sum of $1,000.
NaSou'S brewery. on Chestnut street,
was seized bv order of Collector Sedy-
wick to-day. The proprie. orS are ac-
cused of drtrauding the revenue.
\ strong Gale is blowing and the
ram Is i'iilii. !ie'NI!h .l'i> tHS.ll3;
Inc o>'a hica Eii iio' san Aoi an
anna tlil Ha'uruaI iie\t'
Ni'>. i'''N>' ,'ii'ui W. '"l"''
at tIis pore arrived Oh me >Ie5'"iel
'hiiia 'o-uIn aii' WI iiiii'i'"''''i. ic-
sumo MS oilltEti u,'',S.
eah I'll me iou>e to-"'N aP-
pOlicd SUMNER BOOTH Norion' frec-
man coSSiisaiid rehiltr>a as commit
zee 10 iilNe>ti2ase tic cii'rEcs vi liauS'
III tic late 'S~ei'itorI'i citc on
u1il',e" ~ . i ui
reno aia iipt coiil'iiil >uifieie' p"' via
hi,i.''i." ~ "ii'ii WY ""> SCI
'ihiiiS 10 iD1 a. me ti.i'e me l'tai sh''
WIS iirea. me e9iiui;ioii ~ ,icr iia'id>
aiid me course 'aheI' ~ me pau seem
- SNOW 'ii'' sue co'i" no. nave iiieu
lhe silot.
Niiilie "iseSioSe' liNiiiS on Derry
>.iee'' Ma> t'p'he,' ~ 'eatii ~ piece
VI ii't"t Nilcll lo.ecu III ieL tlii'a'.
nta,N S"ie prey 'iie" ncie 'c'r'!
aii MN. WIN i''uch ain 'oi>ioeta-
~ u'iiiaSc H's uoiic " ho">e> FENCES
. wy Saioet>c 4, M Nen,ein loi'io, o'
,Her ny" ~ E,o seriou, ul'i'a - snip
IlIsIe Ids pttIl ItitbIAtu. lO-lluN llt
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
NEBRASKA
FOREIGN NEWS.
SPAIN.

MADRID. January IL.
The authority of the Government l.
fully restored i'm Barcelona.
ENGLAND.
LONDON. January III.
\ large fire occurred i'll the Ports
mouth dock ward to-day. Thousands
of pounds worth of stores. which had
accumulated for The .AshaIitCc eNPcdI-
ton. we're DESTROYED.
Henry Belknap. a passenger on
the steamer Vile du IlaNrc. writes
10 the TamcSthat the French Tran>-.\i-
lan,ic Steamship Company. relying
upon the c%xculpation of their officers
by the French Court. refuse To lnucin-
nifty parties for the loss of friends and
properly by the disaster. aud the sui
ierer> propose to seek redress i'll the
New York courts.
1t is understood that the French
Government will deliver to spain tn-
der the EXtradiiion act those of the
C%ar,aycnan refugees. now in Algeria.
who are accused Lf conspiracy ana
other civil crimes.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
COUNTERFEIT N

OF late there has been in circulation.
i'll portions Of California and this State,
a great many spurious halt dollars.
AS Yet we have not heard of their max
ing an appearance in this portion of
the State, but 70: the benefit of those
who are most likely to receive them.
We furnish the statement of the Assay
er OF the Philadelphia Mint to the
Superintendent of the Carson BrancH.
Mint, and published in the Appeal of
that city on the l4th inst:
MINT OF THE L. S..
Philadelphia, Dec. 30. 1873.
Hon. Jdmes Pollock, sSuperin endent.
Etc:
SIR: have made an examination of
the two counterfeit half dollars
brought by you from the Police of San
Francisco.
They are both of the right weight.
that is within the legal tolerance.
They are struck with dies fac smile
to the genuine; evidently made by the
patent drop process, lately offered for
sale here. The reverse die bears the
Mint mark as" The color is not uni
form and not white enough, although
no doubt finished in a ~siIvering bat
terry.
Being cut they are found to be short
n granular, and probably had to be
struck hot to prevent their cracking.
On being as>ayed they are found to
contain no silver; they are composed
CHIEFLY OF copper, mixed with tin and
ENC This is rather an unusual mix
lure for this purpose.
The specific gravity being below
that of standard silver it was neces-
sary to make them thick to keep up
the weight. This comp arisOn alone is
enough to show their falsity to any
eye.
The genuine half dollar is - thou
sandths of an inch thick-this piece
is 1O-nearly o~ne-fourth too thick.
On the whole they could harly pass
except in a dim light.
| have preserved one piece for the
Mint collection. date Of coin lS7O.)
(Sisnel) W. +. Dubois,
Assaver.
Respectfully furnished for the infor-
nation of the Supt. of the L. 5. Mint.
at Carson.
(Signed) H.. r. LINDERMAN,
director.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
A HANDSOME PRESENT. We had

A HANDSOME PRESENT We had
the pleasure Of taking tobacco from a
handsome silver box. presented bv
Charles +. Bicknell, late Secretary of
the Nevada Senate, TO Israel Crawford,
late President of hat body and nov
Acting-GOvernor. On the lid of the box
is engraved: &C. +. Il. to Israel Craw-
ford. Better late than never" 1t is a
very h mdsOme testimonial, and fully
appreciated by the Senator.-Curson
IIiGune.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17

refused: a fight followed and the gar.
ri>on was overcome with II less ofseNer
killed. Many were wounded on both
sides. The Salyadorians had forty
killed.
NEBRASKA.
OMAHA. Jan. III.
All the printers here are on a strike
on account the reduction of wages.
from Is cents per thousand ems TO ~
emf
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
FROM TENAS.
AUSTIN. Jan. rs

AtSIlN. JAN. ~.
The chairman of the committee APP
pointed by the House Of Representa-
tlNes Of the 18th Legislature. went To
Governor Davis to-day, and presented
resolutions OF the House REQUESTING
the Governor to order the Secretary of
state to deliver to the committee the
returns of the late election. the Sccre-
tary having refused to deliver them 10
the committee. The Governor inform-
ed the committee that he did not con-
slider they had any right to the returns.
but if the Chairman would 90 to the
Secretary of States office, and take
them, he would net be resisted. He
accordingly went with an officer. and
the Secretary showed him where they
were. and he took them away, the Sec
retary Hing u written protest against
the act.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17

ErErKA. Nov.5 :. 1873.
| world state to the ladies OF Eureka and
y%irl1lty. that | will siare neither time. trou.
hie. nor expense IN getting goods to suit thcn
at all times. VI. j. FitANkLlN.
+. S.-No trouble to show goods. n:-tf
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1874-01-17
Carpets, Trunks and valiscs. Hats
Caps. and Clothing.

This Is IA Department which we need not
say much about; but We intend to supply one
and all with the latest styles Of Clothing,
offered in Eareka. We invite all to call and
inspect for themselves, a> or stock is hear.
Excellent, and complete in all its branches.