The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-06-13
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

which Noah checked off the animals thaV WEI
into the ark.
A Louisville paper gets one in on St. Lou
in tails style:
The ST. Louis papers record the death OF
Young child "who ate some concentrates rye
IL was very culpable in the chllds moliier
cave the city journals around IN SO careless
manner
In the country the question with the averag
boy is. SLOW can manage to go TO the circus
Tn large cities the question is, How can we MAJ
age to keep the boys out Of the circus'' Hero
case in point as to the latter
There isn't any bootblack in Detroit who has
hank account Of 500, like that Troy boy, bu
there are several here who know Where thcy %,
law their hands on stoye-bcller When tle cHo"
is adyertised-Ffte Press.
When Won handle another persons money III
WAYS have available "collaterals," as in TINS case
A crossing sweeper was trying to get $raCul'
~ from an excessively dandied individual, VINO
in resisting, urged that he had no change, noun
mo hut q twenty dollar bill. lean get IL chanS
ed for yer" said the youngster oh sG Kim with i'm
n twenty dollar bill, he put IL again; IL yor
doubts my honor, hold my broom
In some localities divorces are made delight
fully easy, and in others hard. At 81. LOUIS inc
following is deemed sufficient cause Tor cutting
the knot by which Hymen ties matrimonial VIC
tins:
7. is n rood ground for divorce in st. Louis if n
wife finds one hundred and thirteen ioVe-letters
in her husbands pocket from req headed Wo-
man.
At Chicago one Of those epistolary comforts
would do the business.
THERE'S nothing SO nice as politcness; viz;
"Ve ,s one of the few journalists who can put
"a enemy into his mouth without the lear OF lts
stealing ANYTHING" is the roundabout way ADOPT.
ed by Milwaukee editor to call brother Jourh-
alist an idiot.
The following we cannot vouch for as we sell
dom eat soup and have no sweetheart:
kissing your sweetheart" says triing
Young man, ais like eating soup with fork-it
takes long time to get enough
Two horns will last an OK a life time but many
man wants that number every morning before
breakfast emperdnce Paper.
Yes; but how if the OK is "muley," or if the
man has nothing for breakfast and can't get any;
or if one is in Il dilemma? We have always sup
posed in cases OF dilemma, that there are but
two horns and none bu. fool would try to sieze
beth.
A Cincinnati professor las demonstrated that
n man feels Just as satisfied after lunching on
raw turnip alone as II he had ieasted at kings
table.-EL.
Doubtless fellow can get as neat . belly.ache
on the former as tho latter; that is we guess SO,
rs we never participated in Il feast at kings Ia
BILE, but we do know how it is with raw turnips.
Here is phenomenon that some OF our read
FRS may have observed personally:
To see how eagerly human being will catch
/ a straw, ii is not necessary to witness drown
NJ. The phenomenon is now manifest chlehy
within saloons,-where one end Of the straw Is
immersed in tumbler.
A New York firm have in their store piece OF
ace five Yards long, worth 81 200 yard, which n
man could crowd into his watch fob or pocket
Jook--EI.
We've a notion to buy it for a shirt during this
.eated term Wouldn't ii be cool! And its ele
rance would compensate for the immodesty OF
he garment in the eyes Of many fastdious peo-
pie.
King Kodee has S,333 wiyes.-Er.
and Emperor TEA counts the women who are
Tedded to him by millions.
1t takes n domcsticated fly a two.billionth part
Of a second to wink, while an industrious mos
quito can do II in one-tcnth that time.-Scie"tUc |
Journal.
II you have any doubts as TO the accuracy of
this, catch fly and mosquito and count for
yourself.
The New York World has discovered a man
giving temperance lectures in Maine on the sub
Jet, How Goah was killed with a sling"
Waltz murdered an organ grinder; yes, but
how many waltzes had that organ grinder muir
dered? Revenge is sweet
"Algernon Charles Frederick sartoris, of Wars. |
Ash House, Pitchfed- Hants, England, and Ellen |
Wenshall Grant," is the way the Sartoris Grant
marriage certificate reads. We know several
American gentlemen who own ash houses, who
never thought OF mentioning it in their marriage
2ertihcstes.-Er.
HIS Ash house is more aristOcratic ut-house
than The one in the rear Of "our she'd" hence
this lofty style.
IN Impressive warning against attempting to
10 unusual feats without gradual practice Is
pointed out by the press Of Lafayette, Ind from
the case OF man who was drowned in the canal |
while attempting to wash himself-Er
We know Of a number of men here who do not
attempt to wash in the canal or river either for
Tear Of killing the fish Then, too, there are
many who never get back with their additions
further than their ears. Washing is all a matter
81 habit anyway.
zone goose Mr.. Gosling, who married a 81.
LOUIS duck last week.-Bostoa POST
Who can iOresec the result of such q mauru.
ser:
The PhtsourSh Commercial has been WAITING
ioF three months to give out Joke, and finally
us time has come. The joke Is to the effect tha,
summer las crematonircd the spring.
The Milwaukee Se"iiad says a number Of grass
hoppers, sent by express from Iowa. rot Ioo..
IN the Sentinel Office the other day. One ipopi.i
tive hopper made his way down into the nrcss
room and yelled up through the speaking, t,u,o
TO the others: H. boys, come down here h.
s a set Of cog wheels as tender as a teIccror,,
pole"
In san Francisco, Judge Louderback has r,s,
fined man $50 for Insulting an editor Tbis
goes 10 show that however loud YOU NAV ,oIt u.s.
California journalist he can always talk louder