Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-03-11
IL,
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

IHE cockney,s congratulation to the
newly married Duke" much Jaw"
In Arkansas, when a man walks into
house and shoots the proprietor and
others, he is styled can Intruder"
A MAN out west who has married and
buried three sisters now comes up smil-
ing at the altar, having begun on new
family.
Mrs. SMITH says her husband is like
a tallow candle, because he always will
smoke when he is going out.
QUIET, but firm: "Wanted, by a
strong German, situation in an eating
saloon. He understands his business.
A PENNSYLVANIA man went out to get
his boots heeled eight years ago, and as
he has never returned, his wife is be-
coming alarmed.
CHARLES LAMB, when speaking of one
OF his rides on horseback, remarked
that all at once his horse stopped, but
he kept right on.
Mrs. JENKINS complained in the eve
ming that the turkey she had eaten did
not set well. Probably" said Jenk-
ms, I" it was not a hen-turkey."
The New York Academy of Music is
said to be overrun with mice, and some
times one will accompany lady home,
concealed in her clothing.
CHARLES LAMB was once asked by a
fond mother how he liked babies.
With his inimitable stutter he replied
" B-o-b-boiled madam -
"PADDY," says a joker, "why don't
you have your ears cropped ?-they are
entirely too long for man." F:And
yours, replied Pat, ought to be length
ened: they are too short for an ass.''
The poor are suffering this winter.
Mrs. L. Templeton Shawdee says she
cannot afford roast beef at SO cents
pound while opera tickets are 81 each.
A MARYLAND farmer discovered tree
across the railroad track, and he stayed
there six hours to stop the train and
have the conductor punch his head for
not getting an ak and clearing hetrack.
THERE is no telling what that intelli-
gent coroner's jury will do next since it
has indicted a Connecticut man for
shooting his wife, whom he, upon hon
or, "mistook for a stray cat
REV. GENT But you really can
have no serious reason to wish to be
parted from your wife, Rustic
well, no, sir; like my wife well
enough; but, you see, she don't please
mother
A BACHELOR says if you hand a lady
newspaper with paragraph cut out
OF it, not line of it will be read, but
every bit Of interest felt in the paper,
by the lady will center in finding out
what the missing paragraph contained.
THERE is nothing quite so exhausting
to village newspaper as to write up
complimentary notice of a local exhibit
ton, in which there are thirteen per-
formers who design sending copies of
the paper to Their friends.
POLICEMAN Ito individual who has ar
rived at the maudlin stage)-" Now,
then, move on. What are you a-thinkin'
on lettering hen % Individual sIwas
(hic) a-thinkin' O turnin' over quite a
moo leaf sir; quite moo leaf 7"
COMPLIMENTARY He-"Don't you
think, now, these are vewy dweawy
pawtles where the only pawties one
meets are pawties one never knows ?"
She" Not more dweawy than other
pawties where the only ones one knows
are no ones.'
FIRST SwELL-"Let's see-to-mor-
row's-What's t'day, byth'by?" Second
Swell" Tuesday, isn't-or Monday?
was yes'day Sunday? Ne mind
(yawns my mani be here presently
-pwecious shwewd fellow-tell us like
a shot !'-Pn,ach.
YOUNG lady purchasing some new
songs) "'Come back to Erin The
Vagabond,'r Home Sweet Home. ,"
Shopman: eyes. Miss" Young la
dy: "Now," Spring Spring !'' Shop
man !: I'll be as quick as [ can, Miss,
but I've gothic rheumatics in my knee,
you see!''
81 SEE said young lady. "that
some printers advertise blank declara-
lions for sale; [ wish [ could get one"
"Why?" asked the mother. "Be-
cause ma, Mr.. C. is too modest to
ask me to marry him i; and, perhaps, if
[ could fill blank declaration, he
would sign it.
SAID Lord John Russell to Hume, at
social dinner, "What do you consid-
er the object of legislation?" "The
greatest good to the greatest number"
"What do you consider the greatest
number?' Number one, my lord"
was the commoner's prompt reply.
Can you steer the mainmast down
the fore castle stairs % asked a sea
captain Of new hand eyes, sir, I
can, If you will stand below and coil it
up" Captain didn't catechise that man
any more.
WHAT" exclaimed the fashionable
Fltzwiggle to the exquisite Miss De La
Sparrowgrass- what would you be,
dearest, if [ should press the stamp of
love upon those sealing wax lips ?"
81" responded the fairy-like creature,
should DISCRETIONARY
RETRIBUTIvE justice sometimes fol-
lows faster than could expect An evil
minded Brooklyn boy propelled snow
ball at his aunt last Saturday morning,
and lodging into a neighboring area,
sat down on scuttle full of hot ashes.
AN editor who appeals with the air of