Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-10-28
The Man who Lives Up Stairs.

The man who lives up stairs has mucl
for which he will have to give an ac.
count, either in this world, or when he
shall have passed the portals of the
Great Unknown
We are not of a revengeful disposi
ton; therefore, harbOr no feelings OF
malice towards him; although at times
our physical organization has beer
racked with untold agony at his pecu-
liar demonstrations.
We have endured all with meekness
realizing that in the far beyond sea-
son of rest awaits us, where we shall
evermore be free from the tantarara of
an upstairs tenant.
Precisely at five in the morning his
alarm clock beats devils tattoo, rous-
ing us from refreshing slumber to be-
come an unwillinglistenertO the variety
of sounds Immediately following. After
desperate wrangle with his stove, he
succeeds in removing the clinkers and
ashes; then with brOad-axe, or beetle
and wedge, he manufactures sufficient
quantity of kindling, starts the fire.
drops three or four stOve-lids on the
hoor, drums on the stOve-pipe with the
poker, then at the expiration of twenty
Come, Maria, tea-kettie's bilin',-
Instantly there is frightful groan
from the bedstead overhead, as Maria
with heroic spring leaps therefrom
and allghts on the floor with a lar that
shakes the house to its foundation and
causes the windows to rattle with sud-
den terror.
We have borne with much that is
annoying, and are willing to endure a
generous share of this worlds racket !;
but, when regularly every week the
up-stairs-man brings home a quart of
walnuts and cracks them on nail head
In the floor, driving bits of plastering
into our hair and eyes, and racking our
nervous system with pangs unutterable.
our Indignation rises and we start to
our feet with fixed determination to
visit the man above and demand ces-
satiOn of the uncomfortable nut-whang-
ing.
Once we assembled to his eyrie, and
with livid cOuntenance was about to
annihilate him with burst of wrath !;
but at the sight of his huge frame our
courage collapsed, and we could only
exclaim:
There is skunk trying to get into
your hencOOp.n
He thanked usfOr our trouble, offered
us some walnuts-which we politely de-
clined. Then, after a cordial invitation
to call again, we bade him adieu; and
sought the seclusiOn of a ten-acre lot,
where we vented our spleen by indulg-
ing in a few emphatic remarks concern
ing our pusillanimity.
About the time we generally retire to
our innocent couch, our up stairs neigh
Dor descends to his cellar and makes a
vigorous assault on an empty barrel,
which, after an indefinite number of
blows, is reduced To the
consistency of kindlings. Every night
he repeats the operation, and our ears
flap with disgust and pent-up anger.
One day We vowed to Out-general our
We ascertaiGed where
he got the barrels, then went and en-
gagged all that the concern had and was
likely to have for the next three months.
The result was, that in less than three
weeks every available space on our
premises was filled high with wooden
ware. We felt that we had triumphed
over the upstairs man, for he hadn't
smashed a barrel since we made a con-
tract for them.
But what to do with the barrels was
the question. We had no use for them,
and our ground was rapidly filling up
with them-in fact, they had become a
nuisance. The milkman had stumbled
over them and wasted a can of his lac
teal merchandise, the upstairs mans
wife had torn her dresses by getting
them caught in the sharp slaves and
nails. A number piled
against the fence had fallen upon a
small boy, whose father threatened us
with prosecution.
One evening Jones, who lived near
by. came into our yard, and seeing the
stuff piled about. asked what we inten-
ded to do with the lumber. We told
him we didn't know; had bought them
for a particular purpose, but was afraid
we should have no use for them after
all. He asked if we would sell them
we said, yes. He made us an offer:
Mr.. Jones became the
happy pOssessOr of one hundred and
fifty barrels, of assorted calibre and
We retired that night, Sc
cretly eXulting on our good fortune in
getting rid of the cumbersome truck.
But we made nothing on our trade
with Jones. We merely accomplished
our purpose and got the best of the up
stairs man.
The next night, as we lay on our
1Owny bed, just closing our eyes in
sleep, our ears were saluted with
terrific crash from the cellar of the up
stairs fellow. Thrice was the crash
repeated.
Heavens, there was no mistaking
that sOund-he had found barrel,
Next morning great was our surprise
ut seeing the upstairs man take some
Df the barrels, and throw them into his
cellar!
We went out and asked him if he
knew to whom the barrels belonged.
He said he did.
We told him that we had sold them
10 Jones.
81 know it," said he, "and an hour
after he bought them of you, he sold
hem to me-"
Speeches. with astOnishment, we
stood a monument of inexpressible in
lignatiOn. What should we dOf We
lad no doubt of the upstairs
else he would not haye dared
20 take the barrels.
Thoroughly exasperated, we started
fOr Jones, but found he had gone West.
We were In for 1t.
The future was delightful to cOntcm
plate.
One hundred and fifty consecutive
nights of unalloyed barrel-smashing.
May the gods protect us and enable
is to endure the ordeal with fOrtitude
worthy of emulation.
Passing Away.