Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-09-18
MINOR NOTES.

The Detroit Free Press says it is reall,
sad to see a Philadelphia detective sit dowl
; TO Il mintjulep, put the straw to his mouth
and murmur between the suctions tina
Charlie ROSS father put the job up to ruiz
, his reputation.
, Law business in San Francisco must be il
poor way when barrister is compelled Il
advertise that his rule is to give one third o.
his fee, be it large or small, to whoever
brings him lawsuit, orputs him in the way
r of getting one.
, If anybody finds diamond worth S25,
100000, it belongs to DR.. Lloyd, of Atlanta
Ga. He lost it. 1t is as large as the egg o
a guinea fowl. 1t is encrusted 1t was
lost in Hall County, Ca, and found there
and any one who desires to look for it car
make quick connections by all the Southern
railroads. If successful he will find DR.
Lloyd not ungrateful.- Baltimore Gasette
New Workers don't feel that confidence
in sausage meat which they did before the
six thousand dogs went their death. Their
theory now is that any one having anything
to do with prepared meat, must,like Cesar 5
wife, be above suspicion.
Mr. Stocking is the leading conservative
and the funny men are after him. One says,
his name is received with HOsc-annas.
Another thinks his party has got a shoer
thing. His opponents call him darned old
humbug. but acknowledge that they can't
pull him of. On the whole We think it
will prove that somebody has put his foot
in it.
\ shrewd fellow at Des Moines, Iowa,
played drunk, staggered against pate-glass
STOW window and smashed it, and then
hurried of. The shopman and his clerks
followed and seized him, took a 800 dollar
bill from his pocket, and after deducting
the price Of the glass stuffed the change in
his wallet and set him adriit. The 800
bill proved to be counterfeit, and the shop
man, mortified, set the police on the fellow :
track and be was arrested, but no crime
could be proved, and the adroit rogue got
off scot free.
APropos Of the comet, Il Paris paper tells
a good story; Monsieur S-enrers bar
Der shop to be shaved, and the barber, rs is
customary begins a conversation. "Ah,
Monsieur, " SAYS he, don't talk to me about
thar horrible comet They say that it for
! tells the end of the world. " bah" "les,
on the 18th, the beasts viii die, and on the
| 20th. it will he the human beings turn"
Good gracious, You frighien me, = exelaims
| Monsieur s., startingup. Nv no VIII
there be 10 shave me on the 10Th -
Kokomo, Ind, is small town most large
ly afflicted. not with grasshoppers nor cere-
| bro-spinal meningitis, nor an ecclesiastical
Investigation, but with four brass bands
/ When they are not parading boldly and un-
| blushingly through the streets in open day.
| they are stealthily serenadIng at midnight.
/ The inhabitants are mad with too many
marches, and querulous at superfiuity Of
quicksteps. They frankly declare this state
of thing to be a great blow. There Is even
talk OF lynching the four drum-maj1rs and
OF decaptitating the drums. i little music
is lovely thing, but it is shame TO turn
little quiet town into a coliseum without
asking the consent of the citizens.-Ndr
York Tribune.
\ story Is told concerning q storm on Lake
Erie, when one of the passengers was be
moaning the critical state in which the YES
sci and its passengers were placed, and ask
Ell a friend il the captain did not think the
vessel was in great peril. The reply was
that he thought they would get through all
right if they could keep out in deep water.
"Why," said the terrified one, cant we
drown Jus, as well in deep water as we can
in shallow - "Nes, was the reply, but
then vou know if we keep in deep water.
when the vessel rolls over the masts won't
stick fl>, in the mud on the bottom and hold
Us down"
\ Nreka California; man has invented a
torpedo in the shape Of kernel of corn,
which is designed Tor the Requirement of fes-
tive crows. As soon aS the offensive bird
takes hold Of it. it explodes and blows the
top of his head Oft This affords a cheap
land innocent recreation for the crow, and at
the same time does away with grieyous
evil
Monsieur BilboQuet, C'peintre academi-
cien IL tell YOU, sar, zat re secret Of all
true art i lost, and Eat painting Is zing Of
ze past Zerc are not more zan sree men
living who are worry of ze name Of painter
His patron and admirer-"Nes, YES. And
who are! the three men, Monsieur Bilbo-
quet ." Monsieur Bilboquet-'Nell, | am
one Of ZEN | have forgotten ze names Of &c
two ozers - Punch.
Chicago and Milwaukee are at it again.
This time it is paper Of the much-burned
city which SAYS that a Milwaukee girl OF
good family and respectable accomplish
ments, while trying. at social party, TO
kick statuctte from bracket on the wall,
drove her foot entirely through her left ear,
and the family physician says that surgl-
cal operation will be necessary 10 relieve the
misguided maiden hom her embarrassing
situation.
The manager Of French provincial thea
ire has set wholesome example which the
profession might do worse than follow.
Having received 50 many complaints from
his patrons about the enormous height of the
ladies hats. he issued notice in large let
tiers on his play bills reading thus: The
manager begs that all good-looking LADIES
will remove their hats for the accommOda-
ton of the rest of the audience. The aged,
the bald, and the plain-looking are not ex-
pected to comply with this request From
that night not lady's hat or bonnet was
to he seen in the theatre.
A California man has patented device
for the purpose of eaecting on the stages OF
theatres the rising, sinking, rolling. and
pitching motions of vessels at sea. So per-
feet is the imitation that, in connection with
sheet iron thunder, saltpetre lightning, and
bellows wind, the actors are made sea-slck.
\ Decatur man tried to put his calf back
in the lot lie had it tied with rope, and
the rope twisted around his wrists. Hls dog
joined him in the attempt. His face had
the appearance Of having been sand-papered'
he thinks of sending the calf out to pasture.
The funeral services of the dog were very i'm
posing.
We find the following item in an Illinois
paper "hlr.--, who has been in retire
| nent for a few weeks after marrying and
burying three sisters, came up smilingly to
the altar again yesterday. having begun on
a new family
y Troy woman whose husband deserted
her thirteen years ago, has just heard that
he died recently in Philadelphia, leaving
her 5000 That husband was an honest
man, although he placed thirteen years OF
| happinesS at rather low figure.
SAMGo's PATIENCE ExrLAINED.-l have the
story OF an incident at one OF the Richmond
hotels which made me laugh, although all
readers may not see anything funny about
! il. A Boston man and two Nirginians sat