The Grange advance., 1874-09-30
"A diseusted Milwaukee fisherman

"A disgusted Milwaukee fisherman
offers chrome to every fish which will
take the bait
-. "A writer on. women says: 6 1t
were better for women if love were less
to her," and then he went home, and
his wife kept him awake half the night,
jawing because he went away in the
morning without saving wood enough
to do the baking.
"A sleepy deacon, who sometimes
engaged in popular games, hearing the
minister use the words, shuttle off your
mortal coil" started up, rubbed his eyes,
and exclaimed:
"Hold on it's my deal!"
The remark of little eight-year
old, recently, was in accordance with the
wish of many people.
"Mother," he said. II wish was
built like a hen-coop, out Of laths, and
then the breeze could blow right through
me-"
An unsophisticated person once de-
clined plate Of macaroni soup, with
the remark that they" couldn't palm off
any billed pipe-stems on him !"
-Would-be contributor-I wish you
would tell me something to write
about.
Editor-Wel], write about face.
"A man advertises for competent
person to undertake the sale of new
medicine, and adds that 1T will prove
highly lucrative to the undertaken"
"A man from Placerville (Cal.)
when asked by Saratoga waiter what
he would have for breakfast, replied:
"Oh, we'll, I rather guess I'll just flop
my lip over chicken"
Mature is wonderfully provident to
all her creatures. It is now discovered
that bald heads are the natural skating
parks and croquet grounds of flies and
mosquitoes.
"A lady recently applied to fire.
insurance company for position as
agent. When asked what her qualif-
cations were, she touched her unblush-
ing cheek.
An old picture represents king
sitting in state, with a label, &c I govern
all; Bishop, with a legend, " I pray
for ALL" and a farmer, drawing forth
reluctantly purse. with the inscription,
II pay for all.''
I'm Maine, the other day, the light
ming struck negro square on the top
Of his head. He was slightly confused
for moment, and then he wanted to
know '' Who frew dat brick?"
Getting up in the night to give the
baby dose of soothing syrup is not
what one cares about. but it's hitting a
fellows nose on the half-open door that
corrugates his feelings.
"A breach of promise of marriage,
in which the damages were laid at $780,
600, has been compromised with pres
ent Of five dollars and new chignon.
1t was in Kentucky.
Never marry for wealth, but re-
member that it is just as easy to love Il
girl who has brick house, with man
sard roof and silver-plated door-bell, as
one who hasn't anything but an auburn
head and an amiable Opposition.
The father answered to the daughters letter,
"To wed is we'll; but not to wed Is better"
0uo$h $heho Do han do wall <oI
Let other maidens choose the better way"
"A street beggar in New York says
the panic has ruined him. His collec-
tions have dropped to three dollars a.
day, rents have fallen thirty per cent,
and he has two houses aud three stores
empty, even at this reduction.
An elderly clergyman of Chicago,
when asked, the other day, why he had
never married, replied that he had spent
his life in looking for a woman who
would refrain from working him pair
Of slippers, and he had never found
her.
An officer of the Washington Navy
Yard announces that he has an old and
reliable bunion which he is desirous to
exchange for more modern sort Of ba-
rometer, that will not get so excited at
every little shower that comes up.
"A Chicago reporter went to party
the other day and was good enough to
remark the next morning, that certain
young lady had the smallest waist in the
room. There is no sense in getting
wrathfnl with the young man the 9TH
er girls killed him the next day, and