Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1874-07-09

lf~Nt''J N-H"h
Wet, is to be found a, .sps l.oyeurood,,
story Of the shirt. Sut tells his own story
to the authora to account for his general
fOrlOrn appearance:
You know | boards WITH Bill Carr, at
his cabin on the mountain, and pays for
S'cn as gifts, when | hev money. and
when l hevn't any, why be takes one
'hird outen me cussin' in she, thats his
wife, bets, takes out tother two,thirds
with her battlin stick, and the interest
with Ler tongue, and the interests morc'n
the principal-heap more, She's the
cussedest oman | ever seed any how for
jaw-and pride. She can scold blister
on bulls face rit, On the curl in two
mini's-and polterns after every fashion
she hears tell on, from bustles I'd britebes
OH she's one of EN-, and sometimes two
or three We'll, You see. got some cot>
ton truck to make new shirt outen, and
coaxed Bets to make it, and about the
time 1t was done here comes lawyer
johnson along and asked for 6reakfuss-
| wish it had pizened him, deru his hide.
ard | wonder it didn't, for she cooks
awful mixins when she tries. I'm pizen
proof myself (hOlding up his flask and
peeping through it) or IL been dead long
ago.
"Well, while he we're eatin she spied
out that lis shirt was stiff and mighty
slick; 50 she never rested till she wor-
rled it outeu him that preparation of
Hour did it; and she got a few particulars
about the proceedings outer him by wo>
mans art. Arter he left, she set in, and
billed big pot of paste-nigh on to
peck OF it, and soused in my shirt and
let 1t soak awile, then she tuck it out.
and ironed it out fiat and dry, and sot it
up on its aidge agin the cabin in the sun.
Thar it stood as stiff as dry hoss hide,
anG At ratified like sheet of iron, it did.
1t were pasted together all over. When
| came to dinner, nothin' would do, but
l must put it on. Well, Bets and me
got the thing open arter some hard work,
she pullin' at one of the tails, and me at
'tother, and | got into it. Darn tie ever,
lastin' new-fangled shirt l say. l felt
like I'd crawled into an old bee gum,
and hit full of ants but it we're like laws
yer Johnson's and | stood it like man,
and went to work to build Bets an ash,
hopper. | worked powerful hard, and
swet like horse, and when the shirt got
wet it quit its hurtin,.
"AIter got dun | took about four
fingers of the red eye, and crawled up in
to the cabin loft to take snooze.
"Well, when | walked up | thought |
was dead, or had the cholery, for all joints
l could move were my ankles, wrists and
knees-could not even move my head,
and skasely wink my cyeS-the cussed
shirt was pasted fast onto me all over, from
the end of the tails to the points of the
broad axe collar over my ears. 1t sot me
as close as the hide does to poor COW
in March. | seuirmcd and strained till
l sorter got II broke at the shoulders and
elbows, and then | lone the daindest
foolishest thing ever done in these noun
talns. shufied my britches off and tore
loose from my hide about two inches Of
the tail all around, in much pain and
tribulation. OH but it did hurt
Then tuck up plank inter the loft,
and hung my legs down through the hole,
and nailed the aidge OF the front tail to
the floor before me, and the hind tail
nailed to the plank what | sot OF. uu>
buttoaed the collar and Wristbands. raise
ed my hands away obove my head, shot
up my eyes, said grace, and jumped
through to the ground foor."
Here Sut remarked, sadly:
. "George, I'm a darder fool than ever
dad was, hoss, hornets and all. Ill
drown myself some Of these days, see if | !
don't.,'
swell, go on, Sut; did the shirt come
oFY'
ct hi,n-k-it-d.i-d! hearn noise
sorter like teArin' a shingle rsof of ov
house all at wonst, and feel like my bones
were all that reached the floor. / stag
gered to my feet, and took look at my
shirt. The nails had all hilt ther holt,
and thar it was hangin,' arms down, inside
out, as stiff as ever. 1t looked ike the
map of Mexico just arter one Of the Rrst !
battlcs-a patch of my hide, just about
the Size of "a dollar and half bill here; |
buncb of INV bor obo,t AZ s;.o or. -.