Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1874-11-27
NUMBER II.
Little Letters.


LDA.-Good husbands are skarse.
so are good wives-andit looks to me
just now az tho they waz going to be
more skarser.
Yu kant ketch good husbands bi fish
! ing too mulch for them; they are game
fish, and are very pertikerlar about the
bait, and how it IL handled.
There is CRATE skill too in reeling them
in after they are fairly hooked. Menny
fine fish haz been lost by kareless reel
ing in.
NORRIS am an advokate ov Fashion,
not bekauz l luv it for itself, but bekauz
kno its power, and am anxious to hav it
kept az hi toned az possible.
Fashion controls the acktions ov more
people to-day than religion duz.
HARRoLD.-The usual substitute for
baby in the houshold iz lap dog, and l
have allwuss pittyed the dog.
Dogs luv to run around out doors
nights, sleep in the coal box, hav
skirmish now and then with some other
purp in the neighborhood, hunt for feas,
and bury and dig up bones on their own
account
1t il tuff on dog to be held in the lap
all the time, to be fed with spoon and
hav hiz ears put up in kurl papers, and
hiz tail braided-it IL mortal tutf on the
dog, tell yu.
GERTRUDE.-Yu tell me that yu hav
been years at boarding-skool, and hav
just finished yure edukashun and want to
kno what yu shall do next.
Listen, mi gushing Gertrude, and /
will tell yu.
Git up in the morning in good season,
go down into the kitchen, seize potatoe
by the throat with one hand and knife
with the other, skin the potato and
dozen more just like it, stir up the buck
wheat batter look in the oven and see
how the biskitt are doing, hustle around
generally, step on the cats tail and help
yure good old mother git breakfast.
After breakfast put up the yung chill
dren's luncheon for skool, help wash up
the dishes, sweep sum, put things in
order and sumtime during the day nit at
least two inches and a half on sum one
of yure brothers little blue woolen
stockings for next winter.
In other words go to work and make
yureself useful now that yu hav becum
ornamental, and if yu hav emmy time left
after the beds are all made and the duks
hav been fed pitch into the pianna and
make the old rattle box skream with
musk.
Do this for one year, and sum likely
yung fellow in the naborhOod will hear
ov it, and will begin to hang around yu,
and say sweeter things than yu ever
heard before, and finally will give yu a
chance to keep hous on yure own hook.
Yu follow my advice, Gerty, and see If
he don't
PEcK.-Mi opinyun ov the lottery bizz-
ness il very we'll developed, and hav
notissed that putting a very little money
to ketch good deal with haz allwuss
been the plan ov very cunning men, but
not the plan ov very wize men.
Thare il plenty ov folks in this world
who, if they buy 500 dollars worth ov
lottery tickets and draw 375 dollars back,
think they are on the sure road to suck
cess, and this iz just what makes the
lottery ritch, and keeps the fellow who
invests in it allwuss groing poorer.
The chances ov drawing a large prize
in lottery IL just about az certain az
the north pole Citing struk with lite
ming.
Lotterys are legalized in sum States,
but they are the very wust kind Nv gam
bling bekauze they are SO sekret.
A man better thro the money into the
IRE Illdt -IC luNcSbS Ill lOl IC
mite git six ov that after while and
quit. s
Mrs. TUCKER.-Neatness iZ one ov the
and it , int one ov the least ones
neither.
But thare IL a certain kind ov hail
Columbial neatness that makes the pos
SCISSOR ov it and everybody else around
them mizerable.
I hav seen good square Christian
wimmin who would skrub sumthing from
JAN 1, 1871, to Jan /, 1879, and deklare
all the time "that things waz too filthy
for ennything."
hav known them to git up at four
o'clock in the morning, and hunt for dirt
bi kandle lite, and keep hunting until
bedtime, and then hav cockroach mite
mare, or dream half the mite that the
old hous kat waz in sum kind ov mis-
chief.
If these kind ov wimmin hav emmy
children they wear themself out, and the
children too, trieing to keep the molasses
off from their bibs and following them
around to see if they brought emmy mud
into the hous on their shuZe.
Thare IL no peace and quietness in
houshold ov this kind; every boldly IL
and the kat IL on the jump all
the time.--JOsh Billings, IN ~. Y. WeehEy.