, 1874-06-14
This Is the Concentrated Wisdom Of
:, the City Government.
Tha 0racular Utterances of Commits
sioner Wahl.
It Is Unanimously Agreed that Water
Will Seek Its Own Level.


II the rivers upon whose banks great cite
have grown would confne themselves to playin
| their natural role VI commercial highways, With
| out indu'ging in those freaks to which oven til
! best behaved streamB aro prone, theY would
uumitigatea and unqualified blessings. Unto,
tunetely. however, they, like everything else il
this world, animate and inanimate. break 1oos
from restraint occasionally, aud mar in = fes
days' eccentricity the good name they hay
! gathered in years OF unimpeachabIe behavior.
THE FAy0e1TE N15DEMEANoR
Of such rivers is the overnowing Of their bank
and seeking for variety in tho cellars of DR..
goods warehouses. or the lower floors Of snugly
carpeted residences. In eccentricltY Of this sor
| the Mississippi, St. Lawrence and one or twt
other American rivers much to the annoyance O
those WHO live near them, excel, and the amour
Of damage which an overflow OF these might,
bodies Of water causes is hard to calculate.
Il ia matter OF oongratulation. however, thai
our gentle stream mover INDUCES in IN overflow:
ing freak. Chicago River is essentially, in this
respect, q considerate stream. True, she las
driven US almost wild with her innumerable
bridges aud concomitant fends of tho bridge.
tender persuasion, but, although her banks are
ouly few feet below the city's level, no matter
how good en- excuse a lengthy drought has pro-
vided her with, she has never taken advantage
Of the occasion to rise up against us and invade
tho privacy of our warehouse cellars. Still the
Chicago River, like all other rivers. has her
fault. her original sin, aud il any one does not
know what this peculiar shortcoming is
he can find out, unloss hc is the VIC.
tim OF chronic catarrh which has destroyed
his olfactory nerves, by simply repairing to the
vicinity OF the river bank and inha1ing q long,
steady breath OF air-throueh his noso-
THE FAULT OF DUB RIVER
it TINT occasionally tho scent which riees from
tue bosom Of her waters iB Of kind which men
avoid lnstiuctively. It may be a source Of satis-
faction to tnoso who think the present odor of
tho rivcr almost uncomfortable, to know that it is
nothing to what It used to be some four years
ago when. according to tho best authority, pas
sengers who were stopped by an open bridge
used to walk over the river On tho stencil.
But. a Mrs. Ma1aprop says in "Tbo
Rivals," :" " comparisons are odorous," and even
those who suffered from the stencil Of 1870 aro
complaining bitterly OF the rival oior Of 1874.
the Common Council, and that body, OF course,
formed srccial committee to look into the mat
ter. This Committee, under the Presidency of
the young Demosthenes. have, with pertinaci-
ty quite praiseworthy, studied the subject in ali
with all the different smells Of I'll the differ
ent localities OF the river from Bridge
port to Goose Island, have con-
ferred with the civil engineers and analytical
chemists until they are convinced that they havc
discovered the great CAUSE Of the disaster, and
this they unhesitatingly state is this
"o0DEN DITCH
m artificial channel which WAS originally intend
ed to drain the water and convert iuto ARABIC
soil tho bed Of what used to be- known as 'sMud
Lake, in times Of yore 3 reely swamp on tue
~hich provided excellent duck shooting. OF
course this satisfactory conclusion could not
have been arrived ut without ono or more visits
20 the locality, one Of which ran narrow escape
If becoming historical through the snddan
leath of the most elongated amateur Granger
n the business, whose knowledge of farming
lay too much in tho duchess "
:ow line to permit him to become reliable con-
loisscur in mule flesh.
THESE LITTLE P1c-E1cs
nto the country, enlivened by Bridgeport Ha-
7auas and runaway accidents, proved 10 onter- |
aiming that LAST week the Special Com
nittee on Stenches decided to make Just ono |
more trip to the ditch before thev made their |
:oport to the Common Council. The day fixed |
or this picnic was Saturday. and true to
:upied By the Special COMMITTEES /
nd one or two other gentlemen Of experience I
d the matter of nalodorous exha1ations. Tho |
arty which started at o'clock consisted Of the
layor and Mr.. Prinaivllle, in buggy in which
4:40 PAGER WAS harnessed. Commissioner Wahl,
'anl Commissioner Brainard AID. Hill
reth. Stout, O'Drian and McC1owry, of the
pecia1 Committee, Cullerton and Heath, Mcasrs.
;. c. Close, J. A, Daniels, and The TRIBUNE
'ublic Works, Wahl was Of ths party
oused the hopes Of the Special Committee
0 high pitch, aB it WIS known that, however
title that gentleman may haye known OF Public
Works IN general, his peculiar business had
oated him in the matter OF odors to an e1traor-
fna-y degree. In fact, Mr. Wahl was, from the
tart Of the party,
THE CENTRE OF INTEREST
, those who occupied tho carriage with him
8 they neared the Adame street bridge, and the
'describab1e odor stole into their nostrils, they
asched his every motion with cat-liko eager
ess, but while they buried their hoals in their
handkerchief, his face re-
tained stolidly Unchanged not quiver Of q |
ostr1l betokening that there was ANYTHING wrong
ith the atmosphere. When tho bridge vas
cached. aud the full force of the exhu1ationH
'rced their way even mp his insensible nose, tho
commissioner Of Public Works laughed ut their
and playfully remarked, s.Just |
u come down to my glue factory, fellows, and
zen you won't think this nothing
THE DRIVE
the Ogden ditch Was devoid OF exciting epi-
'de, save stoppage at the las. available lager
.cr ealoon, whero strange mistake was mado
: the beer-slinger. who SGT up three glasses too
any, that number Of the party proving Peoples |
Irty men, and consequently crusaders who J
'eferred q ffteen-cent cigar to fye-cent beer
Notwithstanding the apathy which Commissioner
nil displayed in passing the river, Ills presecce
We the Special Committee absolute faith in tho
'od result Of their journey. Ho was man,
ey agreed. who not only deodorizcd malsr1ous
after, but also turned it into materials Of do !
cstic and agricultural utility. Some Of them
ant 30 far Oh to hope that the genius OF the new
,mmissioner might detect in the stinkiug water
9 presence Of ingredients which, with the mid
the proper machinery, might be converted +
to valuable chemical products; and every word :
uttered was seized upon with ayidity, and | 8
upon at length. t
After dusty drive over . rough clay road the | 8
rty arrived at their destination. q rude and ]
ther fragile wooden bridge, On each side Of d
lich lay +
LONG LOW-LYIN9 DITCH.
0 western ono about three feet higher than the il
stern, connecting with 1t by q miniature rarid {
losc activity contEastcd strangely with the d
1gsishness Of its source and the strerm it |
lptied into. Tho ditch to the eastward was | II
Q west branch Of tho South Branch of the | 0
'icago River, that to the westward Was ogden 8
tch. tho cause Of our rvcr's obnoxious un- Y
tho bus-bear Of the Special 8
mnittee. the source OF the wealth g
Messra. Wentworth and Ogden, whose r
ousands OF acres it drained at c