The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1874-01-23
THE MAN WHO HADN'T TIME.
By MARY HARTwELL.

Bangs was pure American. And when
| say Bangs was "A pure American, mean
his parents and grandparents were pro-
duced on this soil. Whether he has more
remote ancestors, Bangs never had time TO
ascertain.
He entered this world on business, and
meant to make the most ofhis term. Ready
for college in his twelfth year. he charged
through that institution like mad bull.
carrying the honors on his horns. Bangs
had made up his mind what line of business
he would pursue, in that early period cir
cumstances Obliged him to waste in his
mothers lap. SO he made a flying trip
through the States, gathering force as he
went. aud landed plump in an editorial
chair. where he began 20 scribble before
his coat-skirts fell from the breeze. Lille
is Short said Bangs no time To waste
in tom-toolery of any sort. Business is
the word.n
Ii i historical fact that Bangs married.
Whether he caught his bride on the fly"
or took her i'm a business way as part pay
for his paper, from some overloaded papa.
ask me not. lie certainly never wasted
any time in courtship. | cannot imagine
Bangs lingering under a window touching
the light guitar. | cannot imagine love
letters written by lightning. cannot
quite see him i'm my minds eye with one
1eg bent in supplication and the other
rushing Off for marriage license.
Let us merely state the case as il ap-
peared. Yesterday there was no Mrs.
Bangs To-day, presto. Mrs. Bangs there
Is. She must have been an amiable wo-
man--though Bangs never had time to
ascertain whether She was or motor she
offered no opposition to that incarnate
electric fluid. Bangs; and she made an ex-
cellent mother of his little kilograms. The
only drawback to their felicity was, that
Bangs saw 50 little OF his family he had
occasionally to seek a fresh introduction
II was beautiful and instructive sight
to see Bangs in his Office. Bristling with
quills. he suavely entertained caller !:
scratched leader with his right hand
and squibs on his brother editors with his
left /: simultaneously and at the same
timer scanning his fayorite politicians
speech and stamping applause Of the same
with one foot while he dismissed a bad
typo with the other.
He went through his morning mail
like buzz-saw. Z-z-z-sizZle, A
cloud Of letters and cnvclopes-stamps
settling on replies like swallows on a
barn-it was disposed OF. He would pc
ruse with one eye Mrs. Y. u. = effusion ON
the - Matrimonial Martyr" whose broom
was sweeping her to her tomb. Who
called all women in the land. Against that
tyrant, MAN. 10 stand. Until his buttonless
wristbands wave. In melancholy DER her
grave And with his other eye Bangs
would devour the Hon. NJ. C.'s letter rel
alive to some important public movement,
while in the same breath he would yell.
"Confound that woman, | wish her hus-
Ill n II. a.
sir, very fine !"
Indeed, saving time became somewhat OF
a hobby with Bangs. He never went to
church without wanting to poke the minis
ter and whip up tine choir. When he went
home TO meals he always regretted that he
wasn't coming back at the same time. At
table he took his first course at one mouth
full. his second at the next. dessert in one
cheek and coffee in t'other, and then bolt
cd for the street door. like PhHton, leaving
milky way of napkins behind him.
No living bore. not even life insurance
agents with what pleasure | write that,
since one of those wrctchcs comes dun
ming me for my premium this night,
not even his mother-in-law, ever laid pos
sessing hands on minute of Bangs's time
No train kept him waiting forif he wasn't
put through on time by rail, he got him
self sent by telegraph.
When Bangs had to attend q party. he
made compliments and pumped 'locals"
at the same breath. He once saved time
amazingly in his own family by burying
three children at once.
Now Bangs had so well invested his
days that public cmoluments and plumS
generally were coming TO his hand; his
future looked rich. and his tue more
precious than ever; when Old Time him
self turned on his young rival. lie saw
Bangs outstripping him. Old Time said
to himself, "Now here's fellow-look,
nearly as old rs do. II he lives to bt
three-score, he'll look like my grandfather
and he'll be wanting more days and nights
than can furnish. This will never do!
said Old Time. So he spicd out Bangs,
weak places and dealt him some sharT
blows
Bangs lay on his bed and dictated TO tn,
: Doctor while planning out his oflice-worl
tor suborlinatcs.
II want you to give me a powder. sir
which will bring me TO my feet instantly
"Gunpowder, perhaps" suggested thu
doctor.
''Not any shooting, If you please, Doc
tor. No, not gunpowder. Let it be pill