Smyrna times., 1874-04-01
MiSce ILU 10 e us.
A Hard-Shell Methodist Sermon on
Nature and Noah.

In the autumn of 1880 | attended Metho-
dist camp meeting in the interior of Georgia,
and heard a sermon which | have never been
able to forget or describe.
The sneaker had just been licensed, and it
was his first sermon. In person he was small,
bulletheaded of fair, sandy complex xion,
and his countenance was indicative of sincerity
and honesty. He was taking up the Bible in
regular order for the first time in his life, aud
had gotten as far as the history of Noah, the
ark the flood, &c. Besides, Just before his
conversion he had been reading Goldsmith :
" Animated Mater, and the two together, by
the aid and assistance Of the Specit, had led
him into powerful train Of thinking as he
stood at his work bench, day in and day out.
The text was As it was in the days of
Noah, so shall the coming of the Son of Man
be, and he broke out in the following strain
Yes my brethren, the heavens of the win
dOws was opened-ah, and the floods OF the
Q r-c-a-t deep kivered the waters ah, and there
Shem, and there Ham, and there Japheth-ah,
-l gwinc into the ark ah.
And there was the giraffe ah, my breth
erin, that ill-contrived reptile of which Gold
smith describes in his Animated Mater -ah
whose fore legs is twenty five feet long ah
more or less.ah, depending somewhat on the
length of en- ah, and neck so long he can eat
hay of the top Of barn-ah, depending some
what on the hthe of the barn-ah, all a-gwine
into the ark ah And the heavens of tho win.
dows was opened ha, and the floods Of the
great deep klvered the waters ah. and there
was Ham, and there was Sbem aud there was
Japhs'h ah, al a-gwine into the ark-ah.
And there was the zebra, my bretheren ah,
that be-a-u.t-i-f.u u animal which Goldsmith
describes in his Animated Mater -ah, what
has three hundred stripes a runnin right
straight around his body-ah, more or less de
pending somewhat on the number of stripes
ah, and nary two stripes alike ,ah all a.gwine
into the ark ah.
Then there was the anaconder ah, that
great sarpint Of which Goldsmith describes
in his Animated Mater -ah, what can swallow
six oxens at meal-ah, provided his appetite
don call for less-ah all a-gwihe into the
ark-ah. And the heavens of the windows was
| opened ah, and the floods of the great deep
kivered the waters ah, and there was Shem
and there was Ham, and there was Japheth
! ah, all a-gwine into the ark ah.
"And there was the lion, bretheren-ah, wha
is the king of beasts, according to Scripture
ah, and who, as ST. Paul says ah, prowl.
around Of night like roarin' devi-ah, seekin
if he can't catch somebody.ah; all a-gwint
into the ark ah.
"And there was the antelope .ah, my breth
erin, that frisky little critter-ah, of which
Goldsmith describes in his Animated Mater
ah, what can jump seventy-6ve foot stragh
up-sh, and twice that distance down,ah, pro
vided his legs will take him that fur-ah, al
a-gwine into the ark -ah. And the heavens o
the windows was opened-ah, and the floods o
the great deep kivered the waters.a all, ant
there was Japheth ah, all gwins into tn
ark-ah
"But time would fail me, my bretherin, I,
describe oil the animals that went into th
ark-ah. Your patience and my strength woulc
give out before got half through-ah w
talk, my brstherin, about the faith of Abra
ham and the patience of Job-ah; but strike
me they didn't go much ahead of old Noer-ah
1t tuck a right smart chance of O'both t
gether up all that gOper-wood and pitch an
other truck fur to build that craft-ah. am
sart of carpenter myself, and have some ide
of the job ah. But to hammer and saw, an
maui, and split away on that one thing a hund
red and twenty year-ah, an lOokin' for his pa
in another wOrld-ah-I tell ye, my brethern
if the Lord had a-sot Job at that, it's IN
opinion he would atuk his wife advice insid
of fifty-year ah. Besides, no doubt. his right
eous soul was vexed, every day, hand runnin
with the filthy communications of the blasphC
D mious set that was aloways a-loaferin' an
a-sountern' around ah, pickin' up his too
and a-misplacin EN-, and acain him an oil
fool or somethin' worse ah and, to clap th
climax, he was a preacher, and had that OF
gOdly gneratiOn on his hands every Sunday
ah. But the Lord stood by him and seed hir
through the job all and when everything wa
ready he didn't send NOer out to scrimmag
, an scour and hunt all over the wild world fc
to git up the critters and varmonts that
wanted saved ah. They all come to his han
Of their own accord, and Noer only had I
y hand 'em in and fix 'em around in the
:. places ah. Then he gethered up his ow
family, and the Lord shut him in, and the hca'
ems Of the windows was open.ah.
But my bretherin, Noer ah had use f
patience after this-ah. Think what a time /
must a.had a-feedin' and a-waterin and
cleanin out after sich a crowd-ah. Some
EN-, according to Goldsmith Animated NJ
.or' ob xoS cornivnriona and wantpd fres