The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-02-21
VARIETY.

y western editor has placed over his marriage
heading cut representing trap sprung, with
the motto, trap down, another ninny caught.
The Herkimer Democrat asks: 'Who is there
that is not chained to some rock Of the past with
the vulture OF Memory tearing at his Vitals,
screaming forever in the ear Of COnseience?'
Observation-Disclosures agriculturists are going
largely into ginger They haven't got much be-
yOnd the first syllable yet, but hope to do so when
their plants germinate.
a man in blouse-scene Paris, of course-pre-
sents bottle Of perfume to his beloved, saying:
When you smell this you will regret that your
Creator did not make you all nose"
DETERMINED TO MARRY-Sarah Jane De Foe
said she would be married in her old Kentucky
home in spite Of her father, and some men tied
him to the sofa, the crowd walked in. and while
he CRASHED his teeth, Sarah Jane was wed.
HIS REQuEsr-Peter Van Dixie, an old chap
who died in New Hampshire the other day, worth
$4,000 in cash, requested in his will that no
.'shOuld snifle and shed crocodile tears at his fun
cral, but cover him over and then hurry home to
fight over his money"
sYour future husband seems very exacting;
he has been stipulating for all sorts of things"
said mother to her daughter, who was on the
pOint Of being married 80 Never mind, mamma, ,"
said the aectionate girl, who was already dressed
for the wedding, - these are his last wishes
WELL SUMMED UP.-A young man in Indiana
his father for loaned money, which the father
claims was his own property. The fathers coun-
sell in summing up the case Of his client, re-
marked; " Twice this prodigal returned to the
fathers house; twice has he been received with
open arms: twice for him has the fatted calf been
killed; and now he comes back and wants the old
cow
draws out faculties Of the wise, puts the modest
10 the necessity Of trying their skill, awes the
opulent, and makes the idle industrious. Much
may be said in favor Of adversely, yet strange it
tas no friends
FoRGOr.-A miner who had powder in one tin
can, and oil in another, and forgot which was
which want into the blacksmith shop, at the
week, to melt the oil. He set the can, containing
three pounds Of powder, on the blacksmith's fire
and went home, saying that that was the loudest
clap Of thunder he had ever heard.
When the king of Portugal addresses his wife
publicly, he is obliged to say: Every high and
very excellent Princess ID. Maria Pia of Savoy,
Queen Of Portugal, my dear, well-beloyed and
highly esteemed spouse, may our Lord hold your
maiesty's person in his holy keeping But In
the secIusion Of their majestic, very high and
lery excellent private hfe his majesty is very apt
to run on after this style: "D-you, Maria,
where have you put my suspenders 2"
\ Young gentleman IN Augusta, Maine, lately
made evening call upon young Iluy. 1t was
getting along toward Q O'Clock, when the young
lady inquired the time of evening Five min
utes to o. was the reply. How long will it
take YOU To 20 home p Five minutes, should
nudge Then, said the young lady, . If you
start now you will get home just at O'Clock. y
lie performed the feat on time
Winch IT WAs-A young woman of very
pruiish turn was hurt in a railway accident and
taken to the hospital, when the doctor asked her
what was the matter with her. One of her limbs,
sbe said was injured. - Well,' he returned,
but which limb?'' 'Oh, | can't tell you, doc
tor, but it Is one of my limbs "Oh, nonsense
cried the DOCTOR out of all patience which is 1t
the limb YOU thread the needle with p "NO,
sir she answered with blush; - the limb
wear garter on
RErrsED.-In Plymouth Church, one Sunday
morning. Mr. Beeeher refused to give a notice in
the following Characteristic and Beecher-hke
manner He said: - am requested TO give a
notice which puts me IN a little difficulty. IdOn't
want 10 and do want TO. The Amaranth ORA
matte Association wish TO give n benefit IN the
Academy of Music next Saturday evening They
wish 10 nav all the expenses themselves and give
ali the receipts to the poor of Brooklyn. Now
want the poor to have all the money they can get,
but don't want 10 advertise theatrical com
panv and, therefore, shall not give the notice. u
Great lau9hterl
R,SsoNED SISNERs.-In little village in Nir'
ginia there lived family named Ransom. They
were not plOus PeOPler A@Iuet On eHS iSP1ON'w'N w
order, and they never went to church Once
however. during a revival, the family pre-
vailed upon to attend preaching. When they
made their reluctant and tardy appearance the
services had begun, and they had scarcely taker
their seats when the preacher gave out the hrs
hymn, reading it somewhat thus: &" Return, "
rinsorned sinners, home All right, crIeC
the head of the RansOms, getting up in n rage
and elapping his hat on his head. "Come along
old woman and gals, well go home fast enough
and everybody in the old church, knows we dldn
want 10 come.