The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-02-18

chinery IS tho most modest Of al
things, since it almost always travel:
in cog.
When a bit of ostrich feather l:
found by wife in her husband
beard no one can blame her tor belps
down on him.
A Western paper is dead. In it:
last gap. it family whispered, ''Iwt
hundred subscribers and only thirty
one of them paid mp" ''
"A Detroit female Of just twenty
five was married to her fifth HUSBAND
lately.' All the gentlemen are aliH'
and the first four are doing well. y
An embryo poet, who is certainly
close observer of bnman nature, re-
marks: "Time marches on with tho
SLOW measured tread of man work
ing BY the day"
Judge Jeffreys, pointing with his
cane at prisoner before him, observ,
ed, sThere is great rogue at the end
of this stick The man replied, cat
which end, my lord ?"
An Iowa editor wrote: "During
the past week we have been visiting
the Solons of the country" and bis
constant subscribers think that is a
funny way tospslf "saloons." '-
Andrew Jackson was accused of
bad spelling, but John Randolph de-
Tended him by declaring that "a man
must be a fool who could not spell
words more ways than one."
A good brother in Deckertown, n.
J.,.advertises in the local paper that
he didn't set out his trees for hitch
ing-posts for those who attend the
Methodist Westinghouse. .
A Boston man was cursing an edi.
torthes other day when he fell dead
Several5similar instances have been
lately reported. Men should be care
fal in speaking of anything sacred.
The. .impulsiye clerk who accident
II. deposits q shovelful of snow down
The. back Of tho rural pedestrian, was
Il the drug store, Saturday evening
negotiating for bottle Of liuiment
Quite a number Of young men in
thiscity are attending b night school
where Latin,'is taught. At least VIC
Judge SO, AS we saw q crowd the other
-ayeaihg who had got as far as "Hic.'
Domestic young lady making pie)
s.Frank,. the Kitchens no place fol
boys. Has dough such an attraction
for your" Clever Youth-''It isn't
the dough, cousin; it's the dear"
Asophomore says he cannot nm
derstahd how any one possessing
what is generally known as con
science can counterfeit five-cen,
piece. and put on the back Of it "lr
God We trust
aBuildipg castles in Spain, Mr.. So
said the iandlady to Spicer, who was
thoughtfully regarding his breakfast
cup. aNo, ma am, said Spicer, "only
Cooking over my grounds in Java
The aworld" never harms a Chris
tim so long as he keeps it out o.
his heart Temptation is never dan
gerous until it has made an inside
accomphce. Sin1within betrays the
heart to the outside assailant. az
In a oalifosniasobituary it is stated
that athe deceased was 9 person o1
Romantic nature: He placed the
breech Of his gun in the fire, and
flooking down the muzzle, departed
instantsneously,"' - . .~''''> '.-..... .''''
: It is pronounced an ominous sign
when man who has been married
scarcely twelve months, begins to be-
tray I'm abnormal interest in the
causes of ,lock:jaw. "a y"
:" When Andover Theological Semi
nary called Moses Stuart from the
pastorate at New Haven, the loud
cry of the church was, "He cannot be
spared" DR.. Porter replied, "a man
who can be spared we don't want"
The company raised for the con.
quest of Cuba ut Augusta, Ga, was
very strongly .officered. 1t consisted
of thirteen generals, seven colonies,
four captains, nineteen paymasters.
twenty-seven quartcrmasters and
one private. -.
The Danbury Nevs states that 6
New Haven editor spent last Sunday
in Slawson and attended church
When the contribution box came
around he was in q dose, but on being
nndged, hastily exclaimed, ~ have :;
pass. -
a ouarrelsome couple were discus
sing the subject Of epitaphs and tomb
.stones, and the husband said: "M..
dear, swhat kind of a stone 10 yo
suppose they will give me men l die?
aBrimstone, my love,"' Was the attec
tionate reply
A veteran observer says that "Ol
friends are like old boots. We neve
realize how perfectly they were fitte'
to MS till they are cast aside, and oth
ers, finer and more stylish perhaps
but cramping and pinching in eyer.
corner are substituted :: '.'
THE Indians have got new dodge
When, they are thirsty, which is sal
To- be. quite frequently, they 60 into
saloon in Depere, Wiss., and asl
.asSchnapps haben?' This alway
brings the drink, as the saloon keepe
is bound to believe they are Gel
mans.