South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-01-16
Scared Out of a Wife.
A LAc0HABLs STORY.

TuE narrative which I am about 10 write, was
told me one bleak cold night, in a country par
Tor. IL was one Of those nights in mid winter
when the wind swept over the land, making
everything Jingle with its frosty breath that I
was seated before Sazing ERE, surrounded b. a
jolly, half dozen boys and an old bachelor, A .
Peter Green - about forty aud eight years old.
lt'was just the night without to make those
within enjoy good story, SO each Of us had 10
tell his favorite story, save Dir. Green, and he
was Jolly story teller, we were somewhat sur
prised TO hear him say, az have no story that
would interest you, so we had TO find other
entertainments for while, when one of the boys
told me to ask him how it happened that he ne
yer got married. So he did
well, gentlemen" he began "it don't seem
right for me TO tell how that happened, but as il
is about myself | don't care much. You see
when was young we had to walk as high as Fl We
miles TO church and singing school which was
our chief enjoyment. But this don't have any
thing TO do with my not getting a wife. but |
just wanted TO show you that we had some trou-
DIE them days in getting our sport.
John Smith and were like brothers, or like
Mary and her little Lamb. Where one went
the other was sure TO go. So we went TO see two
sisters and as we were not the best boys imag GIN
able, the old gentleman took umbrage and
wouldn't allow us to come near the house, so
We would take the girls 10 the end OF the lane
and there we would have TO take the final kiss
We soon got tired of that sort Of fun and
told John, our way to singing school ono
night, that was going to take Sadie home aud
that was going into the house. too.
He said the old man would run me IL did.
told him was going to risk it anyhow, let
come what would
He said he would risk it IL I would
So home we went with the girls. When we
got TO tho end of the lane told the girls we pro-
posed gsing all the way.
They looked at each other in a way | didn t
like too well, but said they the old folks) would
be 10 bed, SO they didn' care if we did.
They were little more surprised vet ! told
them we thought Of going in a little while, but
az all WAS quiet when We got TO the house, we
had no trouble in getting into the kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court, aud I
made up my mind to ask Sadie to be my wife
The ue1t time came
IL was now past the turn of the NIGHT and as
we had four miles 10 walk told John we had
10 be going. so we stepped out on the porch,
out Just as we did so, the sky was lit up by light
ming, and ono Tremendous thunder peal rolled q
long the mountain sides. Its echo had not died
out in the far off wales until the rain began to
pour from the garnered fullness OF the clouds
We waited for it 10 stop until we were all sleepy
when the girls said we should go TO bed in the
little room n. the head OF the stairs which led
out Of the kitchen, as their father didn't get up
early we could be home before the old folks we're
astir. So after bidding the girls a sweet good
p'ght-end hug9ing them n little-and wishing
them Pleasant dreams, and promising them 10
come back on next Saturday night we started
FOR bed.
We didn't have far to 90, as the bed stood
the head Of the stairs John was soon in
bed, but as was always a little slow, aud full
oil curiosity, was looking around the little room
At last thought would sit down on n chest
which was spread over with a nice white cloth,
while | drew of my boots So down ] sat,
when stars OF the east went plump into q big
egg cuslard pie
thought John would die laughing, for he
said had smashed that custard all 10 thunder.
and the plate right in two.
You see we had TO be awful quiet 80 that the
old man would not hear
was now ready to get ito bed go put the
light out and picked up my boots, thinking to
put them ia more convenient place W hen do wn
my one leg went through pipe-hole, which had
been covered by paper, up TO my hip.
Sow one part of me was up stairs while the
/ longest part OF me was in the kitchen.
AS my leg was very long ii reached shelf
which was occupied by dishes, pans, coffee pots,
etc, and turning 1t over with tremendous crash.
The girls had aot yet retired and we could hear
them laugh d. TO split their sides.
!elt awful ashamed and was scared until nv
heart NaS in my throat, for | expected the old
man every moment
extracted my leg from the confou nded hole
just In time, for the old lady looked into the
Kitchen from the room door, and asked what
hll mat pOise " as about
The girls put her of rs best they could. and
went to bed, while John was strangliug himself
under The cover TO keep from laughing aloud.
We soon went of into the land Of dreams with
the hope OF waking early. ! wish | could tell
you my dreams but IL would take me too long
One moment would fancy myself By the side OF
Sadie slipping nectar from her heaven believed
lips, and the next would be flying from the old
man, while he would be fourishing his cane a.
bove nv head
This all came 70 an end by John giving me
a kick.
On waking up and looking around saw
John eyes as big as my fist, while the sun was
bsaming in At the window.
What TO do he couldn tell for we heard the
old man having family prayers in the kitchen
John looked out Of the window and said we
could get down over the porch roof
Get out and dreeS as soon as possible he
said
SO in my hurry nv foot 20, fastened in the
bedclothes and out tumbled, head foremost,
turned over, and down the steps until ! struck
the door which was fastened by a wooden but
ton, and it giving way, out | rolled in front Of
the old man.
lie threw up bis hands and cried Lord save
us ' for he thought was the devil.
The old lady screamed until you could have
heard her a mile
was so scared and bewildered that eouldn'
get up ~ ooce II Was warm weather and
QlQU I nave NOV lhlnE on Dut bn1rt.
When heard the girls spcksriug IL made me
mad, and ] jumped mp and rushed out Of the
door, leaving the greater part % my shirt on the
old iron door latch
on started for the barn, and when hair way
through the yard The dog set up howl and went
for me.
When got into the barn yard bad TO run
through flock of sheep, and among them was
an old rem, who backed of a little and started
for me. with one bound I escaped bic blow,
the logs into the NOV, when an old mother hen
pouuced upon my legs, picking them until they