Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-05-11

Anything Midas touched turned to
gold. In these days, touch man with
gold, and he'll turn into anything.
A Georgia clergyman has thirty chill
dren, and his parishioners object to his
having four pews without paying for
them.
A Yankee watched the Bridge of Sighs
pointed ont to him, and then offered to
bet that America had several bridges
twice the size.
Thought for a schoolboy's theme
Beauty and bashfulness are often united
vet the loveliest maiden is admired for
her cheek.
want, called out, Where's that block
head of mine p '.On your shoulders,
SIR said lady.
A Western member of Congress who
interpreted NJ. G. to mean More Cur
rency, was made to understand that it
meant Mighty Corrupt.
Brave men can term fair women
The apple of their eye"
But when it comes to Office.
mo ladies need apply"
Eli Love, of Wayne county, Ohio,
climbed tree to shake out coon. The
dogs heard something drop and went for
it, but it was not the coon. 1t was Eli.
A stranger who threw ten dollar
bill into the contribution box of a Savan.
nah church got trusted for five hundred
dollars worth of goods next day on the
strength of it.
A small boy in New Haven made {
sensation for short time by quietly
transferring card bearing the words
Take one, from lot Of handbills II
front of store to basket of oranges.
A politician in writing letter of con
dolence to a widow of deceased mem
Der of the Legislature, says: 81 canno
tell you how pained was to hear tha
your husband had gone to heaven. "
were bosom friends but now We shal
never meet again.
A painting called 'Jacob's Dream,
is now exhibited, in which angels wit
yellow hair and blue wings are travelin
up and down a ladder, while Jacob slum
bers in full continental uniform exceI
the boots, which are confederate cava
} ry style, and on a convenient rock, thel
lies hunting flask. 1t would make
fine chrome.
A man went into a butchers shoI
and, finding the owners wife in attenC
R aIce, in the absence of her husban
t thought he would have joke at her e.
pense, and said Madame. can "
;, supply me with yard of pork!" ''Ye
e sir, said she, and then turning to DO
she added: james. give that gentl
man three pigs feet.
3, Chicago gives her paupers but t'
ii meals day; no vegetables are Civ
= them but turnips; their tea looks Ii
the sweepings of a grocery floor al
n their soup is made of meat from viii
$: all the strength has been previously e
5, tracted. The grand jury pronounce su
= treatment of the poor most disgracefl
and to that sentiment all the world W
= respond amen
: In one of the eastern towns of Mass
chusetts lived, some years ago, Un'
7, Bill. hard working stone masc
t. a man of ready wit. but, unfortunate
too much addicted TO drink. Regular
each morning at an early hour he ma
L a visit to the grocery store to lay In
- stock of the ardent for the days co
sumption With the same regularity
Rev. DR.. c., a kindly natured ortl
dox clergyman, in quest of his morni
chop or midday roast, sought the villa
butcher shop. After meeting often
their morning walks, DR.. C at !
: felt it his duty mildly to reprove Tn
Bill for his easily besetting SIN So
ny morning, after their usual hearty salu
: tions. the good dominic began
"You and / walk out early, Tn
: Bill but do you ever reflect how diff
ent are our errands 2?
On "Well, for that matter" said Uu
Bill. IF we bring the thing down
Scripter test, my errand viii come
t. ahead.
: "How 50 % asked DIR. c.
"Why. Won walk after the flesh,