The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-10-20

mon, l never could make MN remember
how to give receipt, and the only time ]
could persuade him to collect rent for me,
he lost it before he got home-had his
pocket picked at second hand book auction
while he was bidding against himself on an
old Dictionary. had the honor of having
philosopher for husband, but honor and
happiness are two different things. If l
wished him to spruce up little and come
out of his study to see company-he was a
portly, fine looking man, or l wouldn't
have fancied him-as likely as not he made
his appearance with a boot on one foot and
slipper on the other, his wig turned hind
side before, or wooden skull-cap hanging
by its strings round his neck. The very
servants made butt Of him, and once
when they had the impudence to fill his
snuff-box with coffee grounds, instead OF
seeing into the trick, and rateing them for
it as they deserved, he expressed his aston
ishment, in their presence, at the curious
chemical phenomenon presented by his
Maccaboy. There was sensible man for
you He was kind-hearted and peaceable,
though, wouldn't be recalling his faults,
if l had not your good so much at heart
but between you and me, Clara Burney, the
only real satisfaction l had of that mar
riage was in receiving the ten thousand
dollars paid me as his life insurance"
/" But my uncle CrippsP"
"Well, he was altogether another sort
of a man, and he got his credit for smart
ness from another sort of people. His
faculty was for eating, and he had as much
learning on that subject as Mr.. Didenhoov-
er and about pyramids and hieroglyphics,
and Mr.. Crumpsey about steam wind-mills.
never knew it, though, before we were
married, for he had always appeared nice,
quiet young man, though rather too fleshy;
but when we were preparing for our first
dinner-party, the way the long words rolled
from his tongue was bewildering. After
awhile / got used to them, and at last
could even go through them tolerably we'll
myself-what do you think, Clara, can be
the meaning of such words as Marcobrun-
ner Broneburg, Hinterhausen, Hottenheim
and Rudesheimer?"
What do they mean, aunty?'
"Why nothing but sour Dutch wines, to
be sure, and, to try you in French, what's
the meaning of cOtelettes en- papillOtes7"
"Cutlets in curl-papers, isn't it?"
Curl-papers? you are out there
pshaw what giggler you are, Clara, but
1 see you know we'll enough. had deter
mined not to marry book-worm again,
but found that Mr.. Cripps had a single
bookshelf that caused me greater trouble
than husband Didenhoover's whole library.
Every volume was about eating, from the
Cooks Oracle down to the Cooks Alma
mac, and every day your uncle rummaged
it from beginning to end, to find something
new to tickle his appetite. Then there
were dinners to be given this week, and
suppers the next, and if our cook happened
to be none of the best, why must have q
finger in every pie myself My dear,
he would say, such an exquisite compound
requires the delicate hand of lady, OF
my love, it can have no flavor unless
your excellent Judgment is exercised upor
it, That's the way was wheedled intC
wearing myself to skin and bone. mus
not only find the wherewithal, but mus
sacrifice myself into the bargain. 1t ag
grayates me yet to think of It,"
"But, / suppose, aunt you found hi
company and conversation rather more
congenial than those of my learned uncl'
Didenhooyer ?"
:" can't say that did, child. / wal
always too tired pottering about the kitch
en- and pantry and storerroOm, and scour
ing the market-houses in search of tit-bits
to have much inclination for company o
any kind, and as to his conversation, as i
was always in the Same strain, mostl!
tried to put stop to 1t, for fear it woulC
lead TO further toll and trouble. Their
were plenty, though, that did find him con
genial and agreeable enough, for the hous'
was always full, and the table crowded. I
a word fell from his lips, there was Away
: some one ready TO catch 1t up and call /
! capital" At FIRST, as said, he was I
} nice, quiet sort Of a man--would let m'
: talk away whole hour without disturbing
} me--but when he began to entertain com
! pany, and found how his speeches wer'
received, with, All, Crpps, you are
droll wag l'--'that was good thing o
: yours, Grips, about the sliced tongue, or
that joke Of yours, Crpps, about tn
deviled kidneys was rich--let's hear 1
again---glorious p--after he had been com
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