Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-09-25
"sONG OF THE SEASON.
II u M o Il .

The family Bible is a handy thing to
have within reach, if rightly used, but in
one instance it was not well worked. A
maid, quite old, becoming anxious about
heislnatrlmonial chances, Concocted a plan
to deceive young fellow as to her age
The old family Bible contained d faithful
record Of all births, marriages, and deaths.
This volume the maiden took to her cham
Der, and selecting the birth p ge, she man
aged by dlnt OF scratching and writing to
change the date of her birth to Il period
eleven years later than it had legitilnately
neen recorded. Then the Bible was plac-
ed conspicuously Oh the sitting-room ia
Die That evening came along the lover.
lie soon began to finger the Bible pages
and finally reached the birth record, where
he discovered, to his surprise, that his
Angelina was just one year younger than
he. lie thought it strange, as she appear
ed older He kept his mouth shut and
continued to tumble over the pages Next
he began reading the death list, and made
the astonishing discovery that the radiant
maiden, according to the Bible, had actu-
ally been born ten years after the decease
OF her father The young man quietly
arose and bid Angelina bood-bye, and now
sWears that eternal vigilance is indeed
the price of liberty"
A short time sine a little commercial
drummer" CHANGED to get into the same
railway carriage, in England, i'll whicl
the Dukes Of Argyle and n orthunberant
were travelling. The three chatted fslnl.
iarity until the train stopped at Ainwick
Junction, where the Duke If Northunl-
berland got out, and was met by a train
of funkeys and servants. 'tThat must be
a great swell, y said the drunme to his re-
manning companion.'' Eyes, . responded
the Duke of Argyle, ''he is the Duke of
Northumberland. BLESS my eyes !. y
exclaimed the drummer; ''and to think
that he should have been so condescending
to two little snobs like us ~
At a meeting i'll London to receive a re-
port from the missionaries sent to discoy
Ell the tribes OF Israel, Lord H--was
asked to take the chair. Il take. he re-
piled, "a great interest in your researches.
gentlemen. The fact is, | have borrowed
money from all the Jews now known. and
If you can ind a new set | shall feel very
much obliged"
A Detroit young woman tried to he
aristocratic, and did not look at the mon
ey that she gave to the horse-car conduc-
tor, but he meelly gave her back the loz
enge on which WAS written, ''I7ll never
cease to love thee and said that he WAS
an orphan with five lutte brothers to SUD
port, and must be excused.
Brief colloquy in Texas between a tour
ist and a native: my friend. WHY is if
everybody in this country thinks it necps-
sary to carry one or two reyolvers 20
"Well, stranger" said the Texan. "vou
mought travel around here good lono
time and not want weppon, but when
you do want pistol in this country YOU
want it like hell
A little girl remarked to her mother an
going to bed, Il am not afraid of the
dark" 'No, OF course you are not 70
piled mamma. Il was Il little afraid once
when | went into the pantry to get a fart
and | WAS afraid coulln' t find the tartt ),
Western justice of TIE peace is sajd
to have had $50 out Of his l35 decisions re-.
versed Oh appeal. In the other five cases
the parties died before they could an
peal.
An umbrella deserves no credit for ifs
services, for it never does any good until
it is put up'' tc it,.
UNNAMED by the loss of her b,s
band,'' is the new style of indcatinr
widows grief.
A TEA never INDUCED in bv ooss,ns
Charity.
The line of d lady's love is sllpnosed r.
be the masculine.
Squib says thati it is very a-onawino
for people to eat corn from the cob
A WEEK conclusion-Saturday NIGHT.
The first fall suits-ig leaves.