The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1874-03-19

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There is no eonceaIing the fact that
we humans are not only prone to g bear
the lis We have" but are inclined to
tllrn M our noses at the wells of our
ances50rs. It is the old story Of the fox
that lost his tail, one Of the very few
fables that have grain of sense In their
bushels q morality. i can remember
the ease 81 a Cornish miner who re-
ceived in friendly rough-and-tumble IN
a public house, q kick from 3 highly
civilized boot somewhere IN the region
of the diaphragm. He doubled up Ike
a clasp nife-you almost thought you
heard the snap-and when afterward
g undoHbied . by process something
resembling the opening of an obstinate
oyster, he gasped oUt, g Never mind
-I-raSher ike Il. /"
Humanity is very like that miner. 1t
has received violent blow from civil
cation in the very center of comfort,
but it gasps, or squeaks, or shrieks
that II thinks civilization Is bliss.
But, my dear sir, or madam, you
know in your heart of hearts 1t Is a NUS
ance To take only the very modern in
stances=what has civilization done for
the inhabitants of Polynesia? 1t has
introduced smallpox, drunkenness, mis-
sionaries, and othsr mortal illnesses.
And our ancestors, the ancient Britons,
suffered IN inst the same way from the
civilization which was forced upon them
by our invaders. Civilization, by the
BY, Is an awful liar Ithas taught us to
talk about the virgin soil of this isle,
and BEitons who never have been and
never VII be slaves, and soil which the
foot of no invader, etc. and all the
while, considering the advantages of po-
sition as an island, we have been more
inYaded-and conquered-than most
people. But could forgive those who
conquered us, if they had only abstained
from civilizing us too
On, happy days, when each family
grew its own wood in its back yard, and
tailors' and dress-makers' bills were
unknown. sc Slightly cold considering
our climate 3" Yes, but you forget,
that in those days civilization had not
eItirpated the wolf, who was useful not
only because you could clothe yourself
10 his akin IN winter, but because he
kept down the surplus population, by
eating any of Jour young family who
were in excess of the demand.
But the cFuelest wrong that civiliza-
ton has inflicted on mankind is tooth
ache, painless extraction, new sets, and
instant cures. Civilization Is, TO put II
shortlY,neither more nor less than neu-
raj gia When Wild In the woods the no.
BILE savage ran, he never knew what
toothache Was.= Look at the splendid
grinders to be seen IN the exhumed
| skull of any abOrigine, who was happy
enough to die before civilization intro
dueed him to hot drinks like tea and
coffee. Not a sign of decay In those
h
i And as for neuralgia, those happy PEG
! pie never had nerves-they were blessed
| with gang-lions, like that caterpillar
which you may cut in half If you like
/ whereupon the first half will 90 cheer.
| fully about its business, and the second
/ half would follow It, only, having los
! its head, it does not know which way Il
go.
No toothache and neuralgia are the
! elements of civilization. Who evel
/ heard of Obingaehgook using Bunter'l
nervine Who could picture Pocahon
! tas with a pogltice of camomile an6
| pOppy-heads! Histofy-Whieh is an
/ other product of civilization, and I'll
take your opinion upon it when yoJ
have accurately given the succession
j with date } of the kings of England
I has no records of dental torture till VT
come to the very civilized reign of John
"YOu don't think John a very civilized
monarch pardon me, he got money
| from the Jews in spite of their teeth
and that's more than many civilized
4 young noblemen of the present day car
! succeed in doing. By the way, has any
body observed how his victims have car
ried out the Hebre v law of " a tooth fol
a tooth 2'-if not, glance at the list o
advertising dentists will convince ever
the most civilized of the truth of wha
I say.
| I almost think that an naturalization
society might be started-it would b.
| quite as sensible as a teetotal society, o
an order Of good tempIArs. We would
call it society for the abolition o
toothache, and that would draw every
1 body-except the dentists.
1 am prepared to Join, for am a
this moment suffering from civilization
in my left cheek. It makes intermit
tent rushes from its cell under my eye
proceeds down 8 nerve IN my cheek b,
i cOrk-screw gyTations until it arrives at
hollow tooth of whiehit takes Temporal
possession. It then proceeds, appa
rently, to fling ali the furniture abou
the apartments, drives into the wall
enough tenpenny nails TO hang all tn
pictures in the royal academy, and the
retires, slammiGg the door
| I don't like civilization.-L ondo
Fun.