American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1874-10-24
How Mark Twain Cured a Bad Cold.

AT the recent commencement exercises
of one of the New York grammar schools
Miss Berthe read the following letter
from the well known humorist, Mr. Glenn
ems:
HARTFORD. Conn, Oct 5, 1874.
Miss x. w. WHITE-Dcar Madam: l
regret exceedingly being unable to ac-
cept your kind invitation (also Mr. p. G..
Dutfys) TO be present at your commence
ment exercises, but the annoying and
veXatious illness which still hangs about
me, together with some business engage
ments, will prevent. The illness to
which l refer is a severe cold which l
took in New York last winter during the
lecture season. Perhaps the recital of how
/ tried To cure this COLD may be of inter
est, and may serve instead of the few re-
marks you SO politely asked me to make
to the friends and pupils.
The first time | began to sneeze a
friend told me to go and battle my feet
in hot water and go to bed l did so.
shortly after another friend told me to
get up and take a cold shower bath. l
did that also. Within the hour another
friend assured me that it was policy to
feed a cold and starve a fever. l had
both. So thought it best to fill myself
up for the cold, and let the fever starve
awhile In case of this kind | seldom
90 tnlnSS ny halVeS, dte pretty Heaitl
ly. / conferred my custom upon
stranger who had just opened his restau-
rant on Cortlandt street near the hotel,
that morning, paying so much for a full
meal. He waited near me in respect
full silence until l had finished feeding
my cold, when he inquired if the people
about New York were much afflicted
with colds. l told him l thought they
were. He then went out and took in his
sign.
l started up toward the office, and on
the way encountered another bosom
friend, who told me that IL quart of warm
saltwater would come as near curing
cold as anything in the world. l hardly
thought l had room for it, but l tried it
anyhow. The result was surprising. i be-
lieve threw up my immortal soul Now,
as | give my experience only for the
benefit of those of your friends who are
troubled with this distemper, feel that
they will see the propriety of my eau
tioning them against following such por
tions of it as proved inefficient with me,
and acting upon this conviction l warn
them against warm saltwater. 1t may
be good-cnough remedy, but l think 1T
is rather too severe. If l had another
cold in the head and there was no course
left me but to take either an earthquake
or quart of warm saltwater, would
take my chances on the earthquake. At
ter this everybody in the hotel became
interested, and l took all sorts of
lemonade, cold lemonade,
pepper tea, bOneset, stewed Quaker,
hoarhound syrup, onions and loaf-sugar,
lemons and brown sugar, vinegar and
laudanum, five bottles fir balsam, eight
bottles cherry pectoral and ten bottles
Uncle Sans remedy, but all without
effect. One of the prescriptions given
by an old lady was-well, it was dread
full. She mixed decoction composed
of molasses, catnip, peppermint, aqua
FORTS, turpentine, kerosene and various
other drugs, and instructed me to take
of it every fifteen minutes.
never took but one dose; that was
enough l had to take to my bed and
there for two entire days. When
l felt a little better more things were
l was desperate, and
willing to take anything. Plain gin was
recommended,th then gin and molasses, then
gin and onions. l took all three. l de-
tected no particular result, however, ex-
cept that l had acquired breath like "a
turkey buzzard, and had to change my
At this new place they
different remedy to any yet
tried. A sheet bath was recommended.
] had never refused a remedy yet, and it
seemed poor policy to commence then;
therefore l determined to take a sheet
bath, though had no idea what sort of an
it was. 1t was administered
at midnight, and the weather was very
frosty. My back and breast were
and a sheet (there appeared to
be thousand yards of iD soaked in ice
water was wound around me until re-
a swab for columbiad. 1t is a
cruel expedient. When the chilly rag
touches ones flesh it makes him start
with sudden violence and gasp for breath,
just as men do in the death agony. 1t
froze the marrow in my bones and stopped
the beating of my heart. l thought my
time had come. When l recovered from
this friend recommended the applica-
ton of mustard plaster to my breast. l
believe that would have cured me effect
ually if it had not been for young Clemens.
When went to bed l put the mustard
plaster where l could reach it when l
should be ready for it. But young
Clemens got hungry in the night and ate
it up. | never saw n child with such an
appetite. l am confident that he would
have eaten me if l had been healthy.
After all this experience you cannot
wonder that / dread going to New York,
and feel obliged to decline your kind in
Wishing you successful and
pleasant time, remain, very respectfully,
S. l.. CLEMENS Mark Twain.