The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-06-19
TAKIN6S.
Now is the time to buy spring

I. TAkIN6S.
n Now is the time to buy spring
/ bodkin.
: A Brookfield woman is com
) pletely unnamed by the loss Of
I her husband.
$ New apples are one dollar and
a ten cents q quart. Ten cents fol-
: the apples and a dollar for doc.
: tor.
The St. Louis Journal calls this
paper sits religious exchange" al
, though there is not an obscene
medical advertisement in it.
Mr.. Edgar Bascom was taken to
the insane asylum at Hartford,
this morning-just three months
from the day his son Joseph pur-
chased fiddle.
A thirty horse power boiler re-
, Gently put in one of our factories,
was rendered almost useless by
twenty-eight of them being taken
down with the epizootic.
A miserable looking wretch got
on the cars this noon to go to Nor
walk. He sat by himself as every
body appeared to shun him. He
was the man that paints signs on
the rocks.
The reason an urchin gave for
being late at school Monday was
that boy in the next house was
going to have dressing down
with BEDFORD, and he waited to
hear him howl
One of our fashionable youths
donned his first silk hat and cigar
Saturday evening. He got along
well enough with the cigar, but he
had to give up the HIATT made
him sick at the stomach.
A negro boy was driving mule
in Jamaica, when the animal sud
denly stopped and refused to,
bulge. "Won't go eh?" said the
boy. Feel grand, do you? IL
s'pose you forget your fadder was
iackass.
We hear of men confessing on |
their death-bed to the crime of
murder, abduction and incendia-
rism, but whoever heard of a dying
man confessing to stealing papers?
Nobody! Death cannot scare that |
man.
A young widow advertises in a
Cincinnati paper, that she has an
income of three thousand dollars
a year, and will marry any man,
young or old, who possesses the
same means, and can produce 4
certificate of good character.
A New York man who believes
in advertising, paid bill of SIS,
900 the other day for years
work, but it was money well spent,
for the earnings resulting from
that advertisement, which were
divided among four persons, foot
ed up $65O,OO0.
We are panied to notice that
papers taking our items, and ap-
propriating them as their own,
seek to palliate the theft by pub
fishing column of religious mis-
cellany. This may look well
enough in the eyes of Heaven, but
it don't satisfy us.-Danbury
News.
The dfummers came down like !
wolves on the fold, their toes were
all frosted, their noses all cold.
Their weather-peeled bugles soon
shone through the town, they COB
bled the money and sailed it down,
then took few orders and lit out
of here, with their heads full of
business and skins full of beer.
"Dad, if 1 were to see duck on
the wing. and were to shoot it,
would you lick me?' 80, no my
son; it would show that you were
good marksman, and l would be
proud of YOU" "Well, then, dad,
1 peppered our old Muscovy duck
as he was flynn over the fence
to-day, and it would have done
you good to see him drop"
The editor of the Columbia, S.
c. Mail, with grateful eloquence
acknowledged the receipt of milk
punch in one column and in the
next published Temperance De-
partment." Somebody has com
planned of his inconsistency, and
he explains that the "editor of the
Mail has nothing to do with what
goes into the temperance column
of his paper, nor have the gentle
men who conduct that department
anything to do with what goes in
to the editor of the Mail.
This is the way Florida man
expects to get a partner to his
bosom. He advertises as follows:
"Any gal what's got a cow, a good
featherbed, with comfortable lin
ems, five hundred dollars in good,
gen slap-up greenbacks, that
has had the smallpox, measles |
and understands tending children,
can find a customer tor life by
riten small william ducky, adj
dressed Y. Y. H., and stick in a |
crack of Uncle Billie Smiths barn,
jain bAC PAS PChs WASAc hSIIISOA |
Reed is now planning for future
operations"
The following is an instance of
the severely calm" style of west
ern reportorial description: "Yes-
terday morning n boy sAuntered
up to a yard on Eight street, where
a woman was scratching the bosom
of the earth with q rake, and, lean
ing on the fence, said, Are you
going round the back yard after a
whileP The woman said she did
not know; maybe she would.
Why? Because the boy said, 4
just saw the cistern lid drop on
the baby's head minute ago, and
thought if you went around you
might lift it off, 1t is currently
reported that the woman went"
"FOO POOR TO TAKE A PAPER