The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-02-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

his finger, he would never find out whether
was hot or cold, as he would be dead before tn
sensation arrived at headquarters, which woui
require one hundred years
The New York Arcaddn alludes to the maj
rage OF Col. John Hay in In these lines;
clay marries Stone, and now the question
which is OF,
He favored one who'll wear the little breeches"
And then wandering into the realm OF Jcwisl
history for further inspiration, 1t again break
out as follows:
"For want of hay the Jews could not make
brick,
Histories say,
Bat " Little BrceChes." by a cunning trick,
Turns Stone to Hay"
Ellsworth, of the Lacon Journal, in his natural
history article of last week, says that "skunkS
seem 10 be disappearing" Not having given any
special attention to that highly sceItrd animal
we are not prepared to contradict the statement
La Sale Press.
Perhaps they have migrated to the northern
part of this county.
A Chicago reporter went to report funeral in
church lately, and being, like all other Chicago
reporters, in a state of heather darkness about
Christmas wrote out long description of the
evergreen decorations, under the compression that
they had been put up for the funeral.
There seems to be prejudice against females
practicng medicine in Georgia. The Courier
Journal says:
Mr. John Lee Of North Carolina, had a very
severe cough and Mrs. John Lee cured him of 1t
permanently by giving him mixture of sugar
and arsenic And now they threaten to hang Mrs
Itoe; though we can't imagine what for, unless 1t
is for practicing medicine without license
THE SALARY GRABBER's LAMENT
Thar 1t sm said the Flanagan bold
And Senators gazcd at his lurid phiz,
At his eyes that flashed like prophets OF old,
As sgain he thundered-" Thar 1t is'
But cscho, more swift than the RENDERS feet
From Texas uttered fatal "'Tisnt'-
Once more they looked toward Flanagan's seat,
And cried in amaze" Lo! Thar he isn't"
Retributive justice sometimes follows faster
ihsn we could expect. An evil-minded Brook
lyn boy propelled a SNOWFALL at his aunt last
Saturday morning, and lodging into a neghbor-
ing area sat down on scuttle full o. hot ashes.
"Robt. Scott up in 10 Daviess county, offers
to play checkers with any person for fifty dol.
lars" says an exchange. We have seen Mcssrs.
Ely and Cheney, OF this city, play backgammon
hours at stretch, for nothdg. Perhaps the 10
Dsviess man don't like the gamc.-Dtron 4sL
The Cincinnati Times says that at the wed
ding of Victoria's boy and Alexander's daughter,
the brides presents were elegant and rcckershay.
When the news OF Livingstone's death Preached
D0nbury, one Of the employees in this office an
nounced the painful event to fellow workman,
ard coupled it with the natural, but In this case
somewhat embarrassing inquiry, Are you going
10 the funersl"-News.
At this late day conviction has come upon
Burchard, OF the Fifth district of this state. lie
mas returned $6,0i9SS of back-bay. Could Bur
chard have had falling out With Logan Chi.
Times.
a Pennsylvania manufacturing establishment
mas begun dscharEing men for telling falsehoods
The New York Neil thinks that this plan, if gen.
orally carried out, would be apt to paralyse the
Industries Of the country
A Baptist in the western part of New York
writes that the congregation wants preacher if
he can be had, who is in possession of Jacobs
ladder, SO that he can preach to them on Sunday
and then take his ladder and 20 to heaven and
stay through the week. and save the church the
painful duty Of supporting him. They have a
good church with all the needed appendagcs in
readiness.
Charley Farwell is Il member of the committee
20 investigate the affairs Of the First National
Bank Of Washington So complicated are these
affairs that he VIII have his hands full. This
Will please him, for nothing is more satisfactory
10 him than lull hand, unless ii be two pairs
all iasks.-Chcdg0 Times.
PASSIONS differ in different localities but her
devotees are happy all the same, Thus a Ncya-
ia paper dcpects local BELLE
Digger Indian girl received on New Years
day Il redingotc consisting of an old army over |
coat, and her dazzling neck was cncirced by a |
string of tomato cans.
A Lomesick boy committed suicide rather than |
stay IN Chicago three days, aud the Coroner's |
verdict was: " Don't blame hm"-St. LoaS Times. |
BEEMUs WANTED.-Thc following dispatch,
dated Sandwich Islands, Feb 1, 1874, has been
received by Bccmus:
70 Prince Becntns, OHdua H., L. SA
YOurriyalklng Lunaliloi eadandyourmanyfric
ndshereG esircthatyoupac ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ehithCrwthallpossib observation-disclosures
ppyofo!tryeasweareen ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
tSlgneC hATCHtKAKUMKABuLA
--Ld Sale Press.
Bcemus was willin' to go on condition that
Steve world 20 along as prime minister, but
steve dcclincd-said he'd he bowed If he'd go to
country where they were SO thunderin poor as
20 be enti-eyouto foldrye"
There's no use for a man to be in a hurry and
,oyerdo the thing. Better take il cool, like those
New Jersey.ehaps, who have agreed to gtaduel
on the llth cf september next, and have already
measured of the ground and loaded their re.
Volyers,
A careless burlington iowa man recently took
a cinder from his office stove and thoughtlcssly
tossed IL out Of a second story window: and. the
local paper says, it struck a candidate for mayor
iOur candidates for city marshal and twelve can.
didates for aldermen. A large number Of cand
dates escaped tie missile by running into door
ways and crawling under wagons
) oslored politician Of South Carolina says
o. insinuendon
Arsenic instead,e saeratus is not a good thing
"a buckwheat cakes. Mr. Lewis, of Walliugford,
Conn, found that this little eccentrici.y of cul.
sine, but for prompt remedies, has a tendency TO
reduce the numbered the family
The Christians Of Chippewa Falls, Wis. take