The Portland daily press., 1874-03-07
From Belgravial
How Mr.. Penlake Exercised q
Proctor.

out of mercy to the scholastic instincts of our
readers we forbear to quote-that. whereas
candidates for ''responsions' (vulgarly called
''smalls,'o the ''little go" examination) hith-
erto had paid fee of one pound for the privi-
lege OF running their chance of being plucked,
in future the University would charge one
guinea to each undergraduate who should Of
fer himself to respond -whatever respond
ing" may mean.
Shortly after the PRONUNCIATION of this SOL
emn decree, which, by the way, occupied
about half column of the Times, notice
was issued to the effect that the Junior Proc
tor would attend in the hall of--Coege,
bet wpeu the hours of and 2 on the follow
ing Friday, in order to receive the names Of
candidates for responsions. who were requir-
ed to adduce certain papers as evidences Of
their identity, sanity, and membership OF the
University.
Ooed.ently to this summons, some three
hundred youths, attired III academicals, con-
gregated in and about the hall aforesaid,
wherein on the dias was seated the Junior
Proctor, engaged in the thanklcss task of lat
inizirg the homely pranOminG of Joneses,
Smiths, and Robinsons.
"Your name, sir, and college, sir?' snap
ped tie official at tall STRIPPING.
Herbert Mau ice Smith, of Wadham,"
was the Ineligible reply. Whereupon down
went the young mans name as Herbertius
Maurtius Smith Collegio Wadhamiensi.
''Smith," you will remark, being incapable of
latinzation, was permitted to remain in all
its native cacophony.
''A guinea, SIR" observed the Proctor, per-
functorily, and Mr. Smith. having come pro-
vided with sovereign aud shilling, popped
it down smilingly and departed, devoutly hop
ing that the examiners would overlook his
very Oxonian Euclid and exceedingly gentle
manly arthmetic-his exercises in the latter
science having having hitherto been almost
wholly confined to the study of ''odds'' and
the mysteries of book-making in general
To him succeeded young gentleman
whose sporting costume contrasted most
strangely with the curtailed caricature of
the old Benedictine habit partially covering
his shoulders. He announced himself briefly
as Mr.. Richarl Penlake, of Brazenface Col
lege, which respectable patronymic, after
being duly ampll6ed to suit the medieval
proclivities of the University, was written
down carefully by the Proctor. Looking
there was no mistake about it, and being
satisfied with the accuracy OF the entry, Mr..
Penlake proceeded to pull carelessly sover-
eign out of his trousers pocket. Then he
flung it magnifcently on the table with the
air of a man paying away money which was
not of the slightest consequence.
"a guinea, if you please" remarked the
ITOClUF, lOOhlllS TdIucF lOOISu dU Tue SOV6r-
eign, and perhaps trife angry at Mr.. Pen
lake.
1.-The fe's a pound" replied that gentle
man. coolly.
''The fee, sir,'' retorted the Proctor, de.
liberately, sis guinea
"But," urged Mr.. Penlake, appealing to
his brother students who were crowjing
round the table, Give always been used to
pay pound"
fb;c SoIIy fbaro orooa N oop,nIoto roor of
laughter. Mr.. Penlake was well known as a
gentleman who had made very heavy efforts
to ''respond" satisfactorily, but hitherto
without success. In fact, he had already
paid many pounds to an unkind University,
which does not return fees TO those whom
the examiners in their discretion, think fit
to reject.
s'SiIence.' cried the Proctor, rising an
grly from his seat. Then, turning to Mr.
Penlakc-''A shilling, if you please, or shall
erase your name from the list.''
Mr.. P. fumbled first in one pocket, then in
the other; but, although he found several
pipes handy, he did hot seem to be possessed
of either silver, gold or notes. In his perplex-
ity he faced right about, addressing himself
incontinently to every one:
LOOK here. This is my last chance for
smas. l wish one of you fellows would lend
me shilling.'
In trice dozen hands proffered the need
full coin. Whereupon Mr.. Penlrke, ejacu-
lating "Thanks!' clutched at TIE nearest,
and then, with great gravity, deposited it by
the side of the sovereign.
''Next time, sir'' observed Proctor, sar
castcally, ''you will remember-a guinea"
"Nert time, sir" rejoined Mr.. Peniake, II
propose to give the University of Cambridge
a rurr.'
Whereat the audience grinned-the gen.
eral impression being that, unlike "Adolphus
Smalls," of the famous ballad, he would be
plucked again, even though he might "put
on coaches three" and ''read all night with
toweled head" Mr.. Penlake himself thought
otherwise, and as he stroled back to his
college he registered a solemn VOW that when
he had secured his testamur, or certificate of
having passed, he would take his revenge on
that sharp-tJngued Junior Proctor who had
raised the laugh against him, not altogether
unsuccessfully.
For Mr.. Penlake, though exceedingly idle,
and in debt and impecunious, we must not
regard as Ounce. This little brush with
proctorial authority put him on bis mettle.
or course the story of how he had al,oays
oeen used to pay one pound spread like wild
fire over the University, where men will sub
sidize you for any bon mot, which will serve
to fire off at wine or breakfast, provided
that it be quite fresh and safe to raise a
laugh. In the nerriment occasioned bv his
words no one Joined more heartily than their
anthor; but perhaps be felt ali the more
acute'y that he would be singularly stultified
if he missed his mark in the schools. Hence
he set to work with Will; to him Sunday
was as working day, night as morning. He
cut all parties, eschewed liquors, from cham-
payne down to small beer, and the outcome
OF such energy was that he got bis previous
reading into ship-shape; and when once in the
cockpit and face to face with the string of ug-
~ questions, so effectually fooreL the papers
tnat ne was let OH with minimum of uiud
ooce, and departed from the schools bespat-
tered with the cold compliments of his an
Gent prosecutors, who Congratulated him
both on the quantity and quality of his work
condescendiDgly.
Now said Mr. Penlake, as he accepted his
testamur from Purdue. bearing the auto
graphs of two individuals whom he had cause
enough TO aohor-" now to serve out my
friend the Junior Proctor"
ABOUT the date of this veracious history a
certain NJ. Lecocq had just retired from the
u1 W Office OF cook of Boniface College,
differ .he .ri ne and the then master agreed to
that 'I's deponent sayeth not; suffice it |
s snaI NJ. Lecocq transferred his artistic ability
nm nm Doni,ace Kitchen to restaurant in tho |
sn ssleet; winch straightwav became the |
place for the Juvenile gourmet to o on .ns
learn what art can effect. NJ. Lecocn T,r anJ
80 SnoSi PAioO idtutI more drduOus fh,, l.. 1
had anticipated. The Vice Chancelloru of .h ne
period was very stately, courteous gentleman
but not at all disposed to relax academicai
discipline. He it was who, when Mr.. Thack-
cry requested permission to deliver his lectures
on The Four Georges within the precinct.
OF the University, asked the great safirist
lnnocently enough, who he was and xvhat |
work he had written, ~ OH" "haI
piled Thackery. far' re-
"' Vanity Fair" exclaimed tho W..
sumo. " f'ion' pre-
The good man, not being novel re.dor -
agined that the grandsst work of that nsr sm,
was tract. However, if severe uno p'' tHa
guild OF letters, the great don could also Weld
the rod of Office against another branch Of
art with rigor. GastroEomy to him was az
sinful, as fiction. Hence, shortly after the |
institution of the Restaurant Lecocq, he was |
oo .s upon its talented proprietor.
understand" said he, "that you have
,nrnged the statute which provides, that no
p ,s snail sell any member of this Uniyers-
ity; pelns IN statu pupillari. cooked meats J,
lou would not have me servo 20 aoatIo
of defense. no monsieur, by way
Whereunto the Vice bancellor r.snon,o -,
BY infictlng fine, called in Univers sROn n
ance, "a sconce," and M. Iecon" dey par