South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-10-16
WIT AND HUNroR.


-wbss they wat 10 fnl 90, 10 The essstry
ns girl Is oOursins or no, an ols lsay STEPS is
and remarks ~ say there siut no ons sick 10
this here house OF n0,his'. 10 there I 500 .
light burnin' nigh inio tvsv. clock last night
bot I don't smell 40 campfire nor hoshia
round.
A Nissxo HUsbASD Bonny Kate adrer tees
in the A,ehisOn CAa-P,os FOR her husband, Who
is plsiEly not a Pe,ruchio. Lost, sirAyed or
stolen-An individual whom I 10 al urgest mo-
ment Of loneliness was thoughiless enough 20 a.
dop, as my husband lie is q good-iooking and
feeble individual, not knowing enough, however,
TO come in when II rains, unless some good look
ing girl offers him the shelter Of her umbrella
Answers TO the name OF jim. Was last seen 10
the company Of Julia Harris, walking with bis
arm around her waist, looking more like . fool,
ifpossible, than ever Anybody who will catch
the poor. fellow.and bring him. back, 90 tina,
can chastise him for running away, will be iuvi-
ted to tea by Kate Z. Smith"
Some boys placed stuffed dog on the side
walk in Burlington, Iowa, and then told the POI
liceman there was a mad dog around the corner
The policeman fred away all his AMMUNITION
and while he was getting more the dog was TIA
ken in.
This is the way a colored preacher q, Rich
mond arranged his hearers for mutual convent
ence "De fore part ob de church will please cit
down so de hind part ob dc church can see de
fore part, for de hind part can see de fore part
eff de fore part persist in siandin' before de hind
partt IN 40 a..
fore part"
Paint heart never won fair lady" may be
true, but when your girls father wears a mum
Der twelve with Scotch sole, and takes partic-
ular pains TO show you his dog kennel and mr..
mory, and you feel your knees giving way, your
teeth begin to roll and your eyes to chatter, then
IN such Instances, the saying is not applicable y
1t is not uncommon in giving advice 90
newly-married young ladies who marry poor
young men to alude to the fact that Eve mar
red gardener, but they don't say anything a.
bout the gardener losing his situation on account
Of that match.
At an eating house in Fort Howard, on the
Chicago and Northwestern railroad, the follow
ing sign is hung up "All meals taken in this
hall will be seventy-ive cents regardless Of age,
business, sex, nationality politics, religion, or
previous condition Of servitude"
-"SiXty dollars for a thrashing machip. -
exclaimed boy, when he saw the card on one
for sale; why mother only pays 81 a pair for
her slippers"
There was old family fuel between
them was what a witness in a Chicago murder
case said to the jury. The Judge asked her if
she didn't mean ''feud, and she asked him who
was telling the story.
DIDN'T WANT HIS EARS PuLLEp.-Sir Hmm
phrey Davy when child was pale and fraiI
but witty little fellow withal At the ape Of
six he was sent the grammar school, the mas
ter. OF which was incompetent for his work. and
celebrated only for his severity to the boys Lit
tie HUMPHREY often had his ears pulled. and ore
day be went to school with large plaster on
each ear. "What does that mean p asked ths
master, with his usual barbari,y. The child
looked up with an archly grave face, and said.
Please, master, put the plasters to prevent
modification.
he girls Of Vassar college, says the Rochester
Union, are made to sleep without pillows Why
then, should they carry their heads so high
My hand is not lemon nor my lips dear meat
rs the young lady said to her escort when tbev
parted at the door the other night WHY di1
che speak thusy
"A tea never INDUCED in by the rossip,-
Charity.
The difference between a fool and a LOOKING
glass is said to be that the fool speaks without re-
hecting, and that the looking glass reflects with
out speaking.
What ~ cried Frank sslonshed at his un-
usual demand. "Yes, said the bar.kseper, its
the boss orders-all strangers must pay for it
before they drink it," "G-goodness 2'' cried
Bower, is it 80 instan taneous in its fatal eects2
in restaurant not long ago, gentleman,
while devouring plate o. hash. came across a
pearl sleeve. button IN it. He very Justly com
planned TO the big, brawny waiter, tho latter re-
plying 10 an astounding manner "Weu. wha,
yer expect to get-a bull shirt p"
The newspaper editor who knows every
thing and only publishes that which ough, to
be known, has never yet been found The man
or woman who never reads n paper in which
they do not find something to condemn. is too
amisbe Tor This beautiful world