The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1874-05-27
SCRAPS.

A table of interest-the dinner table
Cure for felon-Take it to the peni
tentiary.
A family of original cremationists-
Burn aelnlis,
Useful domestic cookery-makins
both ends 1meat."
A broken engagement is always thu
precursor of a cry-sis.
The more checks a spendthrift re
selves, the faster he goes. ''''''
When is iron the most ironical
When its railing. "''' =
An aching tootd is the best thing ou
fof real comfort. . 90 -
gs'H WinSle:
The latest name for matrimony is
',committing twoicide." - '''"
What is the relationship between s
tea-fght and a coffee mill? + ;
Black silk dresses with holes in the
elbow are said to be much worn.
Quoth a western pligiarists. "Swee1
are the uses of advertisements"
George Sand says, II don't like mon
!eS, but do love to spend it."''
The profits of dealers is lard come to
them in the shape of fat dividends.
Why is an overworked horse like an
umbrella ?-Because it is used'up.
A good suggestion is like q crying
baby at concert-it should be carried
out. - g. g.,
The last color an artist should use to
complete his picture is"ddn," Of course.
Engaging Photographer" Just look a
}ittle'Pleasant, naiss. Think of 'im."
A desi.able secondhand article-A
young, rich, handsome and amiable
widow.
An external application of algebra to
the head of school-bcy proved fatal in
two days.
"Are you fond of tongue, sir?" "I
.Was always fond Of tongue, madam, and
T like it STILL" ''':~'
"Bob, how is your syeetheart getting
along '.Pret:y we'll; size Says !
needn't call any more"
,.R9 R9i R9i m EY2 il iP debt to 2 shoemaker.
sole is your own. F'' .
A lady's foot has been iikened to a
locomotive merely because It moves in
advance pa 3! Of 2 a't4raip. l47!EE F'F : ."
Why shsuld Renassiyapia oil coun-
ties be surrounded by water? Because
they ' are Il Ii1|e-llands. lands.
An Ugly gid bachelor suggests that
births should be published under the
head Of ."new musfc.,,' 80
A great surgical operation-To take
the cheek out of a young man aid the
jaw out Of 2 grumbling Woman::;'''
Philosophy triumphs easily over past
evils AND evils to- come; but present
tteyils dyer philosophy g" 1''1
Men are born With two eyes, but with
one tongue, in' order that they may see
twice as much assthey say. :!
Some delicate matters must be treated
like pins, because If they are not Seized
by the right end, we get Prieksd. -
A prosperous merchant has for his
motto, "Early to bed and early to rise
never get tight anal aayertlselS'' q =:
Tailor, yRcasoring fat customes.-
It.'Wonid you hold the end, sir, while I
go rouhd?,,'
Said an Irish Justice to an obstreper-
GUS prisoeer ON trial 1--WE want nothing
but silence, and but little of that ;'''
Old men delight in uttering good pre-
nh k,n g. Ia,
longer oble to set bad EXAMPLES. - H'
Hos to become practically acouaint-
ed with the 'rule or three" Live with |
your wife, mother and nother-in-law.
:: Why are clergymep like railway re-
,porters Because they do a good deal of
Coupling >'!''''' 80. a.. !. :. :
s.ss Hssafss sste' %sgga s%sPg fasagss @gg
Hie I csn shoot myself" v - ''
"He handled his gun carelessly, and
put ON bis angel plunage,n is the latest
Western obituary notice: T. '''.
An experienced old gentleman says
that THAT rs necessary tn the enfey-
ment of love or sausage is isconfidence.
A Yankee editor has recently got up
a remedy for hard times. 1t consists Of
ten hours labor, well worked in. -
1
The Western women have in great
degree stopped praying' I'M public, and
are making up their summer clothes.
IT say" said a rough fellow to fop
with conspicuous. bow-legs, ~ say, don't
you have to have your pantaloons cut
with O circular saw ou 80" -" r'''
tits good ground for divorce in st.
Louis II wife finds one hundred and I
thirteen fove-lettefs from 8 red-headed
woman in her husbands pocket. "','
:" st 'a So : .''s'... :, .r""'
~ want to know whether we are go
ing to keep house or board before going
into this thing said a young lady at
the altar i in San s; Franciseo':' :"
A Detroit paper, noticing the fact that
q man lately dropped dead While comb
ing his hair, says, "And yet there are
people who will persist in this danger
Gus habit, 50: 81 =.
While witnessing game of base ball
out West, boy was struck Oh the back
of his head, the bawl coming out of his
mouth.
Snooks was advised to get his life in
surep. won't do it." said he, lit
would be just my luck to live forever if
/ should" Mrs. Snooks very meekly .
said swell I wouldn't my dear.