Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-01-08
All. Sorts ef' faraEraphs.,.

Zen now I'm 1e1ny 10 Oet1Ht,
-From 1srssy's Magazine.
Ah'Ssrts ef faragraphs..
| "a ARAuHDecember makes fsA grave
yards, F." say the Germans. .r-.,
A PRESENT in words-The gift of the
CAB.
WHA1 is better toreoeive than TO give'
Advice. :. IT,. -.
Tomake money-Getan appointment
in the mint.
How to make q slow horse fast-Don't
feed him.
ALBANY has q preacher named Snive-
lev. 1t is to be hoped that his manner
bellies his name.
PRINTERS consider every letter capi-
tai one that contains q remittance.
CBR1srMAs carol for New York City
Hail." Ring out the old ring, in the
new" =. :. ss*
A TENNEsWE mule hss beaa out of
the stable only once in 20 years, and
his hoofs have grown twelve inches long
and his name feachessthos d0oc.
Az ingenious neehsnie has thought
out combination of steam gauge, try
cocks, and water-level glass, an in one
piece, 50 that only two holes need be
made IN the boiler Instead OF six.
The great log Iafti the Red river
has been broken through at last. The
steamer Andrew Aekley arrived 1t Full
ton last week, being the first steamer
which has passed through in 80 years.
i" VIZ see, :" said Swift, in one of his
most caustic moods, what God thinks
Of riches by the people he gives. them
to-"
INTENDING to be pathetic, at3e editor
of the NeConnellsville Herald wrote of
i" . beautiful girl stranded in gale, "
but the Aendish compositor set it up
80 beautiful girl stradled on . rail.
The editors pathos Vas suppressed
and 20 was the oompositor.
A MUSICIAN, George Sharp has his
name ON his door: plsts thus &C.
Sharp" A vag of painter, who
knows something about music, early
one merning made the following unde-
niable and very significant addition to
it, F" Il A Flat"
"I Al sorry the days ere getting
longer" said . young man.. s. Why 7"
asked the mother. Because the time
for visiting my sweetheart doesn tcome
20 soon." - - *.
A'1AHous Prussian General !was in
specting some military stables. What
do I zee there :" he said, in tones of
thunder. to tho sergeant, "cobvebs."
"Yes, sir," was the respectful reply;
I've keep them there to catch the flies
and prevent them teasing the horses.'
A LONG ,su11ERme county superin-
tendent, driven to desperation, fred at
IN importunate book agent, but no
serious injury was done, the ball strik-
ing the book agent fairly ON the cheek,
Clipped of . piece of metal and passed
on. -
TIE Graphic balloon was not such .
failure as at first sight it seemed. The
effects of its canaan voyage to Europe
Litchfeld, Conn.,, there was q deaf and
dumb man, Who, upon seeing this I'M
mense bag, uttered the word bal
loon" for starter, and has been gibly
talking ever since. -
IRE1AxD IL profting BY the large in
crease in the price of coal in England.
The island 10 known to contain mauy
rich coal fields, which have been hith-
erto worked on . very small scale.
Capitalists are now beginning to lo1k
to these ~ profitable inyestmecta, and
preparations are being made to work
the coal on large scale.
| LIZ former tines the government a.
lowance given: to the widows of Scotch
clergymen vas nearly equal to tho
clergyman's stpendA. A minister of
CranshaWs, . parish among the Lam
mermoors, having vooed lass in hum
bic circumstances, the father of the
damsel, when consulted on the subject,
said, 'tTak' i'm, Jenny. tax i'm, he's
as guild dead q ivin'."
| AKAHsAs farmer who offered to take
Q Methodist bishop from one town to
another, fretted all the way for fear .
certain bridge had been carried away
by a late freshet At last the bishop
was 20 much annoyed that he put IN
end to his. companions whining. BY
saying: my dear mir, I am an old
man, but / never in my life went over
brid dge until I got to il" ...
| A YOUNG man. out in search of his
fathers Loot pig, near Scranton, Pa,
acoosted an Irishman along the road
with, "Have you seen stray pig about
here Z" 6 Faith" said Pat, I" and how
could 1 tell stray pig from anotherf I"
| That reminds us # the town ordinance
which provides that IS every other dog
should be killed. The difficulty is to
distinguish the '' other" dogs.
ArAxr1 of officers from . British
man-of-war at San Francisco took .
carriage to sec the city. On asking
tho fare they were told it VAS five dol
Lam, which they demonstrated against
as an extortlon; but cabby said,
"Well, gentlemen, guess 1e won't
hustle about five dollars: &C. aud
take . dr1nk With me all round" They
accepted the invitation. sA
Ar Bavais, France, some very val
liable relics have Just been foand. A
workman has dug up.a vase containing
many cold pieces of the times OF the
Roman Empercrs. Other vases have
been discovered, end it is reported that
there are more than ten million coins
concealed in the neighbotho0d of the
ancient caty. Nearly ono million have
already been Ding up. The proprietor
of the land claims the treasure as do
also the workmen and the state.
THE Posen correspondent of the
Cologne Gazette says that on Satur-
DAY night, Nov. "a, the ~bailifs at
tached to the Kreieeericht of that
place made their way into Archbishop
LedowchoWSki's private residence, and
ON . warrant of that court selzsd his
furniture and goods in three rooms fol
distress. The Archbishop was deeply
affected by the violation of his private
house, not having expected 50 severe
q measure, but 10 said to continue firm
in his resistance TO the temporal pow
er. 80 $50
MANY years ego . great game oi
cards called "brsg," took place in
Philadelphia between some of the high
bloods of the town. At least $50, ,O0e
was lost and won. The next morning
after the game. one of the winneri
found thousand dollar note missing
He at once called the colored servant tt
account, who ]aughinely said rs he re
} turned the note and got his reward
"You is very good master; but what il
one Of the gensn,en found it,"
Oil TAKE q glass of yourdiviinenec
tar" said . young man in . lager beef
saloon the other day. wat eest dot =
asked the waiter. II want to drain {
goblet of the extract of the somniferCu'
hop" 1--WE don't gots heem, answered
! the Waiter. ssNumbAkull. brinR me ,