The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-07-11
VARIETY.


LoYE-sIcK.-'' Och love-sick Hiber-
man, '' whas recreatI-l it is TO be dying Of
love Ii sets the heart aching so delicately
there's no taking wink Of sleep for the pleasure
Of the pain
DIsiPPoNTED.-The most disappointed woman
is the lady who had lot of sarcasm for her SON
in-law elect, and couldn't use it because the
match was broken of on the day before that ap-
pointed for the wedding.
ITs COsT.-A lecturer estimates that it costs,
under the most favorable circumstance, =. 900
to raise boy until he reaches the age Of sixteen
years If these figures approximately cor
rect, the investment, in many instances. is dead
failure.
An ECsTATIC MOMEST.-IIe unblushingly saws
that it was one of the most ecstatic moments
of his life when the doctor laid his hand upon
his shoulder, and sadly whispered, - Your moth
er-in-law's voice Is irretrieyably gone. She will
never speak again
How lie FELT.-'' tell you," said Wiscon-
SIN man to n neighbOr next day after burying his
wife, g when L came to get into bed, and lay
thar, and not hearing Lucinda jawing around
for an hour and a half it just made me feel as if
Id moved into strange country
SET rHE ExAMPLE--N -NIither--'' Now, Jean,
when the folks come to tea, mind We divert them
as muckle as ye can. And, Jean, when the cakes
and the sick-like things are han ed rOand, be
mannerly, and set the example by just sayin',
No, thank ye,' to it all.
SHEEwD.-A lager beeT house in Hudson coun-
ty, y. j., was formerly n church. The shrewd
Teuton who now keeps it was about to erase an
inscription painted over the door, but on second
thoughts be left the last line untouched. 1t is
80 Let him who is athirst come
SET BACK.-At Il recent tea-party in the High
lands, young man who had been relating his
more than wonderful exploits in various parts of
the globe, not little set back by the remark
of old traveller, - Young man, amt YOU
ashamed to talk 50 when there are older liars at
the table? f"
ONLY IN FrN.-A smart little boy in New Or
leans was rePrOyed by his mother for telling fb
lie insisted it was only in fun, but his pious
mother told him he must ask Divine pardon. So
the little boy knelt down and said .. o, Lord
forgive me. | wouldn't have done it, only
thought you could take joke
AFTEE wIFE.-A Cayuga county, n. Y,
sends the following advertisement To the
Syracuse Journal % Mr.. Editor please publish
that Wanted a young lady from the age of Is to
% who would like to yOunte her selfe in the locs
of matrimonial | the writer Of this am % wears
Of age feet in height in weight l35 of occupa-
ton farmer
CERTAHLY.-A Western editor complacentIy
remarks "A perseyering contributor to this
journal, who properly writes only ON one side of
his paper, has furnished material for the editor
to write his editorials on for the past six months
on the back side Of said paper. furnished post
aes prepaid. If economy be virtue we certainly
will be blessed. w
QUICK.-Nlr. Post, Wisconsin Christian, went
to church the other morning, and found Mrs
Schlimgen IN his pew. Mr.. Post did not follow
the plan OF most weak-kueed Chrstians-take
another seat and scOwl at the woman through the
sermon he took Mrs. SchIimgen by the ear and
yanked her out Of that seat 50 quick II made
every hair-pin in her chignOn tremble.
How He DID T.-RusseIl, in his memoirs of
Tom Moore, says; Tom being pressed as to how
he got his living, made this frank ayowal 50 On
Sunday l always dine with an old friend of mine
where | eat 80 much that IT lasts me till Wednes-
day. Then / buy some lripe, which hate like
the very devil, and that makes me so sick that I
can't eat anything till Sunday again
SrIcIDE.-Boswen once asked johnson if there
was no possible circumstance under which suicide
would be iustifabe. No." said johnson
- Well" said Boswell, - suppose a man had
been guilty Of fraud, and that he was certain TO
be found out - Why, them was the reply
- in that case let him 90 to some country where
he is not known, and not to the devil, where he
is known.
WANTED .'TArER. At one of the hotels re-
Gently was a family travelling West from Yer
mont The wife was continually badgering the
husband for his method of doing this and that
evidently supposing that everybody else was no.
tieing his unaristOcratic ways. At the table she
passed him tie potatoes and he took off q small
mountain, and in three minutes held his plate for
more She winked at him, but he was deter
mined and he shouted, 80 Elizabeth Jones, you
may wink and blink all day, but I'm going to
have some more tater or bust the bank!" He
got some.