Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-01-09
e UMOR.


First introduction:
Adam-Madam, Pm Adam,
Eve-Adam, Pm Madam.
mo one Directing they embraced
What parts of an organ remind you OF
huckster Stop and pedal.
Well, wife, you can't say I ever contrac-.
ted bad habits. No, Sir. You generally
expand them.
s'Look here, Mister Editor, I don't
want your paper any longer" Quiet Edi-
tor-''I shouldn't make it any longer if
you did,
A retired soldier, who marched upward
of 4.eOO miles during the civil war, says
the hardest March he ever experienced is
the one just gone.
A Mississippi murderer said to the sheriff
from the gallows: Good bye, Sam-l1i
come Eback and tell you all about it !''-,
The sheriff hopes he won't.
"What was the result of the trial of that
horse-stealer % asked Missourian of his
neighbor. sOh he was left hanging in
suspense was the reply.
"My dear sir" said candidate, accost-
ing waggish citizen on election day Il
am very glad to see you.' "You need not
be,n said the wag, II have voted"
81 90 through my work reprovingly,"
said the needle to the idle boy. "But not
till YOU are pushed through" triumphant
" replied the boy to the needle.
What is the difference between a good
dog show and bad one? When it is a
good one, the dogs go to the show; but if
bad one, the show goes to the dogs.
Wonderful impression Y ou are wrong,
my dear Simpletonius, in supposing the
Irish to be cannibals from the mere fact OF
their having the broth Of boy so often
in their mouths"
Ibid you ever go to a military ball ?"
asked lisping maid of an old veteran mo,
my DEAR" growled the old soldier, in those
days once haGa military ball come to me.
And what do you think it did 1t took
my leg off! ]"
A raw countryman, gazing at garden
several marble statues, exclaimed: "Just
see what waste Here's no less than six
scarecrows in this ten-foot patch, and one
of them would keep the crows from five
acre lot |"
Working of the optional system at Dart
mouth. Calculus and Greek are optional
during part Of the course. The follow
ing extract from the first class is instan-
ced: Professor-"R., what is the object of
studying calculus ?" R.-"To get rid of
Greek, sir.''
A loving couple at Atlanta who wanted
to start right off on bridal tour were
married by telegraph the other day, the
minister being fifty-one miles away.
Cincinnati is asking herself whether it
is the correct thing for 'well-known ladies
of high social position" to frequent lager
beer saloons unattended by gentlemen
ssThe evidence shows that he sot up with
her night after night, and they squoze
hands and talked soft, and think she
ought to have about $24 damages" was
the charge of Kansas Judge to a jury in
breach Of promise case.
John Church told Kentuckian the 9TH
er day that Daniel Boone was only Zone
horse whiskey distiller,'' instead of a great
hunter. and the family of Mr.. Church can
secure his effects by writing to the Coro-
ner of Maysville.
A Cincinnati matron says that there is
not fashionable girl in that city but would
rather stay away from church than to be
seen wearing pair of single-button
gloves.
ssHer Face Was Her Fortune" will
soon be followed by His Cheek Was
What Made Him.
One advantage of living in Troy is that
one can go to any hydrant, any day, get an
eelSfor dinner, and no extra change.
A genteel appearing loafer addressed an
Insulting remark to lady of Troy, N. Y.
She had pail of yeast sin her hand, and
answered his impertinecce with dash of
the lively liquid which covered him from
head to foot. His friends now regard him
as rising young man.
Eighty-six young ladies in Minnesota
have agreed not to marry any man who
mses tobacco. The same number of men
have handed together and agreed not to
marry any female who uses false hair.