Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1874-08-29

HOlllO tttbCb 10 OhNSt5'"
You do not need to black your
boots in Pittsburg, says traveller.
You hang them ont OF the window
at night, and they are black enough |
in the morning.
Another touching Philadelphia
obituary:
Put away the wcl-worn cradle
Marked by Janie's little th,mbsi
Put 1t In the garrett corner,
TIL another anger comes.
II is the first rule in oratory that !
a man must appear such as be would |
persuade others to be; and that can |
only be accomplished by the force
of his life.
Do not allow your daughters to
he taught letters by a man, though
he be a ST. Paul or st. Francis, of
Assissium. The saints are in heav-
en-.
One tires Of page of which every
sentence sparkles with points-of
{ sentimentalist who is always pump
ing the tears from his eyes or your
own.
The more weakness tho more
falsehood; strength goes straight;
every eannon-ball that has in it hOl-
lows and holes goes crooked.
Wcaklings must lie.
Why should a man pay thous-
and dollars for ticket to go round
the world when by just standing
still the gIobe itself will take him
the same distance for nothing?
There Will be no newspaper in
heaven, said a Brooklyn clergyman,
exultingly. Then you can't give
me the first proof of it, retOrted a
man in the congregation. He was
an editor.
Every man should study concise
ness in speaking; it is a sign of ig-
norance not to know that long
speeches, though they may please
the speaker, are the torture of the
hearer.
When Il Massachusetts temper
ance man gets drunk they carry
him into the presence of his wife
and leave- him there without any
means of defending himself.
False happiness renders men
stern and proud; and that happiness
is never communicated. True hap
pinoss renders them kind and SEN
siblo, and that happiness is always
shared.
Bertha parenthetically observ-
ed an Ohio saloon-keeper to his
wife, these crusaders are just like
the dog in the manger; they won t
drink themselves, aud they won l
let anybody else drink
Doctor (who has been out for a
days SPORT. 1t is too bad! Here
Pve been out all day and not killed
o single harel Forester. Prescribe
something for the hare, doctor, that
will fetch him, sure!
Indiana clergymen, as a class, ap-
pear to be very nervous men, and
very easily frightened. All Of them
now refuse to kiss the bride, and
some of them 60 so far as to decline
performing the marriage ceremony.
All politeness is owing to liberty
We polish one another and rub of
our corners and rough sides by q
sort of amicable collision. To res
train this is inevitably TO bring a
rust upon mems understandings.
There is witty, satiriOal story
of Foote, says J Johnson. He had a
small bust Of Garrick placed upon
his bureau. You may be surprised,
said he, that l allow him to be so
near my gold, but you will observe
he has no hands.
Wrinkle not thy face with too
much laughter, lesl thou become
ridiculous; neither wanton thy heart
with too much mirth, lest thou be-
come vain. The suburbs of folly
is VAIN mirth, and profusencss OF
laughter is the city OF fools.
The Richmond, Va. papers tell a
most improbable and stupGndious
story. They tell about a mans run.
ming off with his mother-in-law and
marrying her. These papers are
entitled to the head of the class-go
up.
A stingy husband accounted for
all the blame of the lawlessness oil
his children in company by saying
his wife always gave them their OWE
way. Poor things! it's all have
to give them, was the prompt re-
ply.
The boy who, when asked TO what
trade he would wish to be brought
up, replied: Il will be q trustee, be.
cause ever since papa has been q
trustee we have had buildings fol
dinner was n wise child in his gen.
Grafton.
A New York paper says that the
pale, sad looking young men whom
one occasionally meets IL the streets
are not consumptive, are not mourn
ing the loss of friend, and are moi
divinity students. They are break.
ing in tight boots.
There is a good boy in Lisbon, il
we may believe the Lewiston Jour,
nal, who when he found his aged
mothers Bible was of too fine
print for her failing eye sight, sold
tho book and bought base ball bal
and four sticks OF chewing candy.
A Kalamazoo judge went to {
neighboriDg town to see man, and
telegraphed back to his wife: 'HavC
found Garland; won't be home ia d
week When the despatch reach
ed her it read, Have found girl
and won't be homo in a week.
Hero let US draw a veil.
The expression of a nervous wo,
mans face, upon getting into a den
lists chair, is something that no
man can initiate until he gets let
ter from his mOther-in-law, sharply
inquiring if that spare room is read,
yg-TBrookiyn Argus.
At the funeral of his sixth wife
Mr.. B. I ,offered tho officiating cler,
gyman two-dollar gTeenback
The minister declined it, saying that
he was not accustomed to accept pay
for such services. Just as you say,
coolly replied the mourner, 'but
that's Just what have been in the
habit Of paying.
A Rhode Island convict recently