The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-09-19
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

| Mark Twain and his wife take turns lee
turing. Philadelphia Herald.
Zach Chandler's breath killed the tcm-
perance crusade in chigan.-Rocheste1
Eepress.
Bazaine. Come over and lecture. What
are your terms? Answer per cable. Wash
| Chronicle.
Now we want to know whether our SUI
san, too, sat on the ragged end of remorse?
Chicago Post.
The New York World has put the Beech
Ell matter in a nutshell. Then it ought to
hide the nutshell L. -Courier-Joprnag.
They are disputing Soldsmith Maids
time. Is she willing to leave it to an In
vestigating Committee. Hartford Times.
Police item-The fellow who was ar
rested for stealing fiYe-cent piece subse-
quently got of, ON take-nickle grounds
Spectator.
Cheap Transportation A Troy paper tells
of a discharged soldier who rode all the way
from Omaha to Utica " ON an empty stom-
ach. ."-SpectGt0r
A. I. Stewart is a very popular financier.
Think, for instance, of that benighted per-
son paying out $5oo,o00 year for adver-
tising.-RocA. Dem.
Theodore Tilton claims to be damaged
100000 by Mr. Beecher. Couldn't he de-
duct the $1,000 he has had, and call it $685.
00O.-HarYord Courant.
An enterprise is on foot for the purpose
of engaging number of magnetically Sc
ductive clergymen to conduct school of
snake chalmers. s.-Argus.
The latest feature Of the chrome gift
business comes from Dexter, Me. They
have church there that gives chrome to
every new eonvert.-Boston Globe
The Plymouth Church Investigating
Committee's report will be composed chief
ly of Sage tea, WinsIow's soothing syrup and
Sherman's lozenges- Utica Observer.
The Cleveland Herald thinks that the
best way out of the trouble would be to
put iron grating over the windows OF the
Plymouth Church and use it for lunatic
asylum.
Milwaukee people are now taking down
their ears, dusting them off, and ironing
the wrinkles out of them, and making
otherpreparations for the equinoctial storm.
Argus.
Schuyler Colfax won't attend a circus,
but he takes the children and PAGES slowly
around the canvass that they may hear the
songs of the clown and the glad voice of
the trick mule.-Detr0I Press.
Milwaukee Neacs: A western man set
fire to the prairie for fun, but after he had
run seven miles and climbed % tree, with
his pants about burned off, he concluded
the sport was little too violent exercise to
be indulged in oftener than once in life
A Placerville (Cal.) clergyman insists
that he saw red and black snake forty
feet long and as big around as barrel of
whisky. We have no doubt that he did,
but he unquestionably saw the barrel of
whisky before he saw the snake-Cour-
ier-Jouradl.
Two mules and COW were struck by
lightning and killed during recent storm
at Marina, Florida. That the ightnings
of Florida should fool away their time and
strength on mules and cows while there are
so many carpet-baggers to strike, is per-
fectly wonderful. -Courier-Jour1sag.
New York Commercial. "Pa, who is
Many voters asked a young hopeful of his
sire.
"Don't know him. my son, why?"
"Cos saw you signin' his name to that
letter you got the other night, askin' you
to run for Alderman"
"Sh-h-h, my son; here is a nickle; go and
buy you some candy"
The editor of the Clarksyille Tobacco Leaf
has written for his paper a story entitled
" The Spirit of Croly Place." which he is
printing in weekly installments. The her.
oine is named "Emelvie.n Emelvie is
sweet, sweet name. If we could find
a girl named Emelyie we should love her
to death. Or if we didn't, we'd murder
her in some other way.-Coarser-Joyr-
nal.
Since the publication of the statement
that Tilton has been kissing Susan B. An
thony, all sympathy and respect for the
man has vanished. Ofall the astounding
revelations Of this remarkable scandal there
is none so deeply mournful, so utterly
incomprehensible as this Nothing now re-
mains for him except to prove his inno-
cence of this charge or his insanity
Br6dgep ort Farmer.