Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-04-29
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

Zoo LATE for the falr-An old bach
elor.
THE head of navigation-A ship cap
tain. tM-
A VOICE from the grave-The tomb
stone.
Two heads are better than one
especially in barrel
DIVORCE lawyers are now known as
patent separators :"
DTsTRUsT is the death of the soul.
belief is it's life.
A MAN who distrusts himself never
trul y confides in any one
MEN never believe others can do what
they cannot do themselves
REMEDY for the nailers' strike-Knock
it on the head
How Patrick proposes tie get over his
single blessedness-By proposing to
Bridget.
10 commonplace people the extraor-
binary appears possibl only after it has
been executed.
INITIATION is less to be dreaded in
California than elsewhere, for the very
river banks rest on specie basis.
The origin of the word muff, applied
to fool, IS said to be that muff holds
woman's hand without squeezing it.
DID Elijah take kindly to the food
brought by the ravens because he was
to the mamma born?
Upon men of small understanding
nothing makes SO deep an impression
as what they do not understand
! h.
it produces the same effects as temerity.
Fear never applies the proper remedy.
IF stick of wood is too long for a
stove, kick it few times with your heel.
Then take it out and saw it of.
A FEMALE bill poster is doing an ex-
tensive business in New York. The sex
was always good at running up bills.
Debtors are we life, and every day
Comes as messenger demanding pay
Until the debt is cancelled we remain
Subject to all his faults, errors and pain
A PREVALENCE Of the measels is re-
ported in Connecticut, but there's one
town there not at all alarmed It's
Haddam.
We should never play with favor we
cannot too closely embrace it when it
is real, nor fly too far from it when it is
false.
IF there is one time more than anoth-
er when a woman should be entirely
alone, it is when full line of clothes
comes down in the mud.
A PARsoN once prefaced his sermon
with, My friends, let us say a few
words before we begin" This is about
equal to the chap who took a short nap
before he went to sleep.
WAITER Ito old gent at restaurant)-
''Take any pastry, sir?" Old gent
eyes, bring me pancake; will it be
long q Waiter Ito old CENT?" No, sir,
| round"
Och! said a love-sick Hibernian,
what recreation it is to be dying Of
love! 1t sets the heart aching so deli
cately there's no taking wink of sleep
for the pleasure Of the pain.
IT is estimated that it takes domes-
tlcated fly a -billionth part of a
second to wink, while an Industrious
mosquito can do it in one-tenth of the
time.
| POVERTY is very terrible to you, and
kills the soul in you sometimes but it
is the north wind that lashes men into
vikings it is the soft, luscious, south
wind that lulls to lotus dreams.
WERE we to take as much pains to be
what we ought to be as we do to dis
guise what we really are, we might
appear like ourselves, without being at
the trouble of any disguise at all.
JONES presented his wife on her last
birthday with a beautiful silver service.
| A1I,0 II
piece in the set was wanting, for the
proverb says zone good Turn deserves
another"
IT is in vain to put your finger in the
water, and pulling it out, look for a
hole; and equally vain to suppose that,
however large space you occupy, the
world will miss you when you are dead.
ILL-FoUNDED enmities are ever the
most obstinate. The reason of this is
clear. AS ofenses of that kind exist
only in the imagination, they never fail
to grow and swell in that receptacle,
too fruitful in evil fancies.
The Biddeford, England, church.
yard, has the following epitaph
1.-THE wedding day appointed was
And wedding clothes provided;
! But ere that day did come, alas!
! He sickened, and he-die did"
! ANOTHER English graveyard contains
this:
"Stranger, pause-my tale attend,
And learn the cause of Hannah's end
Across the world the wind did blow,
She ketched cold what laid her low.
| We shed quart of tears, tits true,
But life is short-Aged IS.
| On landlord:
Beneath this stone in hopes of Zion,
Here lies the landlord of the Lion
Resigned to the heavenly will,
His son keeps on the business still
| ONE of the most melancholy things
in the world is the enormous power for
evil of the dead over the living. There
is hardly great painter or writer, or a
man who had achieved greatness in any