The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-10-16
RATES oy ApvHRrIslNo.
scIssoRINGs.

/ OOihAnOl pCAoC7-1 C1nlSDs
Noah was an ark-iteet Of the first
water.
The first box of tootl-powder has
reached Denver.
Home streatch-the stretch across
the maternal knee.
Candy shops adjacent to schools
report a brisk fall trade.
Thevilest sinnermay return-every-
thing save an umbarella.
"High, bold and haring," is what
they say of the new bonnet.
They made a man pray seven hours
for stealing mule in Delaware.
Now the sultan Of Turkey "wishes
he were dead" DR., Mary Walker is
there.
The worlds memory is short. II
will forget you if you do not jog it
frequently
The pillows in the Duluth hotels
are solarge thai travellers can hardly
pocket them.
Terre Haute claims to be "the in
tellectual center Of the world for big
watermelons.
Josh Billings says: "Tow enjoy
good reputashun, Civ publicly and
steal privately"
The Richmond Enquirer has
"Letter from Louisa" every week.
She's courthouse.
Susan B. is cleared byacclamation.
Every man in America held up both
hands and said; "Ohl pshawl''
An exchange asks: "Where does
the cotton go?p We know where q
good deal Of it goes, but don't like to
tell.
Won't some one hurl mallet at
the young man of the Boston Post?
He,is trying to revive public interest
in conundrums. 3f'
A circus lion is roaming around
Weston, Missouri, and people have a
good excuse for remaining away from
prayer-meetings.
A Delaware man lost his wife and
o race-horse by the same stroke of
lightning, and he tried for two hours
to revive the horse.
The order of Brooklyn sanctity is
SO strengths when the wind is from
the East, New Jersey people shut
down their windows.
Napoleoh nv. is cultivating very
lovely moustache, and this gives the
American girls who have seen it some
thing to dream about.
"Mary Jane, have you given the
goldfish fresh water2" mo, ma, am.
What's the use; they haven't drunk
up what's in there yet.
This makes good reading "The
engagement Of Capt. " to Miss
H is talked of at the Beach," 1t
mast be an interesting topic
A Dubuque man offers to go out
with the sick at SO per Eday,
and adds:-"Or | will drive team,
break colts, or run a cider mill. !"
The Shakers Of New York number
eighty less than two years ago, and
they've got to throw away their single
bedsteads or become an extinct sect.
When q young lady has to stay at
home from party on account Of a sty
on her eye, IL is useless to toll her
that Providence doeth all things for
the best.
One Of the meanest things a small
boy can do is to put tacks in the chairs
when he knows that q young man is
coming to call on his sister that
evening.
King Gomba, Of Africa, has made
use Of the new cable TO say to Boston;
Last missionary just been put to
bake; rather thin, send something
Z
If the overridden Post Office De-
partment clerk don't get over twenty
six pen knives every year he'll organ
ize Lowry gang and make this gov
tremble.
"Of course we couldn't have him
around here and putting on
Congressional airs says q Nevada
oaper in explaining how q horse-thief
,ame to his end.
"Lord, what n cowP' was the ap-
,roying remark OF d teetotal Judge Of
after swallowing a potent
lunch, which had been offered 10 him
IS a glass Of milk.
Out West here we don't get red be-
lind the ears aud hollar "Who paid
he Woodhulls' fare to Europesp We
re simply thankful that they vent
)etroH Free Press.
What is bull-head luck?' asks a
kentucky paper. Twisting mules
all and getting away from his heels
Tithout being kicked, comes near
nough to answer the question.
The relatives Of Captain Ryan, Of
he yirginius, want $500, 600 as com
,ensation for his death. Half mill
On dollars is better than nothing, but
Thy didn't they put in for. his full
alueY
The Indianan man who worked
hree days III harvest field and re-
eiyed therefor a litter Of pups, las
ONE to the conclusion that it is not
lore currency we need but Q better
urrency.
''Do you know your pastors chief
nd and ailn2" asked a New York
unday-school teacher of her favorite
upil. "Yes, replied the sagacious
bid, ITO get his sermons printed in
10 papers,
A New York State Quaker was
'und in patch Of grass behind a
NICE lookin0 at cireua pr0easSion