Smyrna times., 1874-04-22
Oddities of Misers.

The philosophers stone, the perpetual mo-
ton, the desired Eureka of every miser, is:
not to reduce expenses to a minimum-fOr that
he etfects-but to live altogether free Of cost,
and often, but by no means too often, like the
celebrated horse whose feed his economical
master gradually reduced to a single straw "a
day, they die under the experiment They |
never commit sucide-for so they would leave |
all they love, to 90 where money is not appre-
clated unless we call that suicide which an
ancient writer informs US occurred to one in
famine, who sold a mouse for two hundred
pence, and died himself of starvation. Misers
are seldom murdered, as the phrase goes,
"fOr their money which, considering the
lonely lives they generally lead, and the sums
they keep about them, is singular enough.
The murder of Miss Connolly Of Dubln-wlth
whose accumulated boards the assassin got
clear of-and the Stepney murder Of later
years, are the only two instances of such a
Nemesis that we remember. They suffer,
! however, thousand deaths in the fear of be-
ing murdered, and wOrse-rObbed.
What an awful picture have we of the last
days, or rather nights, of Elves, always out OF
bed, and struggling with imaginary robbers,
and crying out: q" | will keep my money,
will! Nobody shall rob me OF my property y
And yet ELVES, perhaps the most notorious,
was the lest conteEptble of his class. He
| q
strictly honorable man. When elected to the
House of Commons for Berkshire, according
to his own stipulation. without the least ex-
pense beyond the eighteen-pence Tor dining al
the ordinary at Abingdon, he performed hi:
r senatorial duties with uprightness. He was
asslduOus in his attendance, and never took a
2 bribe in any FORM He would lose at play O
3 which he was pas>iOnately fond, thousands ant
, thousands of pounds, without losing his TEN
per then, leaving the glittering scene Of diSsi
| patton at three or four o'clock in the morning
= he would walk to Smithfeld to meet his owl
e cattle coming in from his Essex lands, and hag
gle with a carcass butcher for a ahilling! H
c was not even not altogether des ute of humOT
/ When the father of a lady to whom one of hi
:, sons had made proposals of marriage aSke
is him what he meant to give his son, he replied
# GIVE? | newell said anything about giving
r But, if you wish it so very much, | will give
l. my consentl' Again, he was riding with
r friend from Newmarket; and on the latter
is back " Here y said he" foll)w me This
< the best road" In moment he was see
of climbing his horse up the precipitous side of
r ditch. 3" | can never get up there = exclaimC
Sc the friend. There is no danger at all, sa
y Elves But, if your horse be not safe, lea
u him - At length they mounted the ditch vii
ut exceeding difficulty, and got clear. When ;
n was right the friend thanked Heaven tEt
,ir were safe Aye said Elves" safe frol
the turnpike, you mean. Very right New
pay turnpike if you can avod it y He W
also given, when on horseback, to stealing h
from the stacks that he passed, and even st
ry fered his faithful servant and the partner
oil his journeys 10 perish, we'll nigh starved
by death and he would rob his guests horse
ed the provender he had pretended to place in
e., manger