South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-12-11


this suggestive syle "Tbe couple resolved them
selves into committee OF two, with power to
add to their number"
-"Change cars is whata city boot black said
to a countryman the other day when he had fin
ished backing one Of his brogans
-"What shall we do with our daughters p,
inquiries Mrs. Livermore, and Western editor
An inhuman wretch-reples 'If they are like
their mothers-wear false hair, corsets, and high
heeled shoes, powder and paiut-wring their
necks at once"
An errng husband, who had exhausted oil
explanations for late hours, and had no apology
ready, recently slipped into the house about one
o'clock very softly, denuded himself gently, and
began rocking the cradle by the bedside, as if he
had been awakened out Of a sound sleep by the
infantile cries. lie had rocked away for five
minutes when Mary Jane, who had silently OBJ
served the whole manGuvre, said, Come to bed,
you fool, you The baby amt there"
Mice fatten slowly in n church. They can
no more live on religion than an editor can on
news. Delinquents of the LnteHigeRcer please
bear this in mind
Mary Maple Dodge writes these pretty nurse
ry rhymes
Two little girls better than one,
Two little boys can double the fun,
Two little bin can build fine nest.
Two little arms love mother best
Two little ponies must go to span.
Two little pockets has my little man
Two little eyes to open and close
Two little ears and one little nose,
Two little elbows, dimpled and sweet,
Two little shoes on two little feet
Two little lips and one little chin,
Two little cheeks with rose set in
Two little shoulders chubby and strong,
Two little legs running all day long,
Two little prayers does my darling say,
Twice does she kneel by my side each day
Two little folded hands soft and brown,
Two little eyelds cast meekly down
And two little angels guard him in he'd
One at the foot and one at the head
Mamma, where do the cows get the milk p
asked Willie, looking up from the loamiug pan
OF milk which he had been intently regardiug,-
Nv here do you get your tears ?" was the an
swer. After thoughtful silence he again broke
out: Mamma, do the cows have to be spanked?"
A young lady of Sedgwicll County, Kan
sas, advertses that she will give two hundred
dollars for young man who will love her in a
kind and gentle manner
-lhe man "to invents successful type-set-
ung machine Will amass untold riches But it
Will he an insignificant sum in comparison to
the wealth which will accrue to that individual
who discovers a method by which baby may
be made to consume lis own cry
david says it was when he kept silence that
his bones waxed old. Gen. Butler should medi
tate upon this.
-"My dear, do you know if your mamma is
engaged q Little girl of the period Engaged :?
bless you, why she s married."
Two STORIES MIXED--Uncle John Shelby, an
old backwoods hunter, one night undertook TO
entertain company of bar-room sitters with the
narration of his appearance n running down n
deer The ground, ne said was covered with six
inches of snow, which the rain had fallen and
been frozen, forming a crust sufficiently strono
TO bear his. weight. In the morning he discover
ed the tracks of deer and started after IL with
the determ nation of running it down. After
describing the course taken, and detailing the
different incidents that occurred during. the
chase, he said that about noon he felt somewhat
weary and hungry, and, standing his gun a.
gainst fence, he jumped into n cornfield and
pulled some roasting ears, on which he proposed
TO make meal
What, Uncle John, snow on the ground and
roasting ears ?''-'that won't do" said one of
the company
Hold on boys" said Uncle John, az We made
little mistake, and got two stories mixed
Dayton co., Democrat.
A SELLER SODA popular druggist on Brooke
Avenue, noted for his joking propensities, was
badly sold day or two ago 1t happened after
this wise Standing in his door, he observed
an old man Of African descent riding bv on a
lean, siabsided horse with garments displaying
patches OF as many hues Josephs coat but his
uowning feature was a chapeau of the last centu-
~, remarkable for its height. Our drpooist
hailed the old man, aid asked him to stop. Sam
10, halted, and politely inquired hat he wished.
The druggist informed him that he wanted 10
rent the second story Of his hat. The negro re-
pied, Now, boss, you oughtn't 70 stopped me a"
why, asked the druggist. Cease folks tell
me You don't pay your rent" replied tho old
man We have heard that the druggist doesn't
stop people since R,clmond Eaguirlr.