Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-11-19

world. kat they eau not only move it,
hut they can turn it upside down. and
inside out. and keep it in motion for
tremendous long time.
Men who travel barsfootcd around q
newly carpeted bed room, often find them.
selves on the wrong tack.
"Do you like the piano!" asked a lady
Of Partisan wit. Il prefer it to- the
guillotinc,' was tue reply.
\ politician spoke Of his conscience as
IN onward Motor" Yes" said an
auditor, ''it's = regular iron-clad."
4 Mississippian says that great deal
Of the land in his State is so poor that
not even disturbance can be raised on
it,
where shall fellow 50 when short of
money!" asked an idle vagabond Of
man who refused his aims. Go to work"
WAS the curt reply.
When young man who parts his hair
in the middle goes down on an orange
peel, nobody seems to care whether he
ever gets up agsin or not
It doesn't look we'll, to say tho least, for
Kansas church member to have to draw
out his revolver to get ut his two cents for
the contribution box.
The city of Winnipeg, in Manitoba,
boasts, AS an evidence OF its growth, that
1t has been found necessary to obtain
larger cemetery than the ono now availa-
bic.
A belle, who claims to know all about
it, saws: when II widow i'll neighbour
hood sets her cap for man, there isn't
one chance in million for any young
woman to win"
A San Juan miner who has been pros
pccting i'll southwestern Colorado, has
found an entire forest of pctrificd trees,
with petrificd birds sitting on the limbs
singing pctritcd songs.
A backwoodsman, describing steam
boat, said: 1T has a saw mill on one side
a grist. mill on the other, blacksmith
shop in the middle, and a great big pot
down stairs boilin' all the while.
"Is the Platte river navigablc for steam
boats ~ inquired Il traveller of Nebras.
ks man. Navi gable for steamboats," ex-
claimed the Nchrask ian-"no, not even
for light drought ducks
"What YOU been Il doin'? asked boy
of his playmate whom he saw coming
out of the house with tears in his eyes,
I've been chasin' birch rod round NY
father was the sEarling reply.
Rcputcd Boston statistics shows that
that city pays tn: ce million five hundred
thousand dollars per year for the support
Of her poor-cnousl, one would think, to
enable all her needy to fare sumptuously
every day.
Shrewd wife TO husband who grun-
blcd at paying for his daughters music
]essons) But, you see, my dear, the
training Of the girls fingers on the piano
gives them such Il command at the sew
ing machine, you know"
How's business now: inquired one
Nashville merchant of another, lately
Dull, very dull, was the reply. The fact
is,nobody buys anything just now but
provisions and wl,iskey-thc bare ncccs-
sarics Of life, as it were.
4 bashful young man MORALLY offend.
ed the bride Of his most intimate friend
by his stsmmering, when taken aback
by request for a toast at the wedding
supper. tom, my f-fr-friend, may
you have wedding once year as long
as you live!"
4 traveller likens Santa Fc, New Mcxi
co, as seen from the approaches on the
north. to an ixlmcnse hrickyard, already
for the burning, one solitary rcd brick
house looming up above the acres Of one
story abode buildings.
The Canadian way of measuring tree
IL said to he as certain as tits grotcsque
You walk from the tree, looking at i
from time to time between your knees
tree in this way, you distance from til,
root of the tree equals its hight.
A man having bill against distan
merchant. sent letter Of inquiry to ,
banker in the town where the debtO
lived, and received the following reply
He is dead, but that doesn't make an,
difference, a. he pays now just as we'll a
ever he did"
us there any person you wish me t
marry:" said wife to a dying spouse
who had been somewhat of tyrant in hi
day. Marry Old Nick, if you like,
was the grutf reply. mo, thank you
my dear, one husband of the same fainil
is enough for me-"
"Boy," said a traveller to a disobedien
youth whom he encountered, "don't 70,
hear your father speaking" "Oh, yaas
replied the youth; "but don't min
what he says, an mother don't neither
an a'twixt her an me we've about got tn
dog 50 he don't too''
A dandy, with his hair parted in tn
middle, and sucking . gold.headed cant
said to spirited girl, II never knew
dozen girls. you know, who could tall
sense with = fellow. you know" T
which she replied: "Rsally! Well, tn
fact is, you know all the girls kno'
suit their conversation to the party wit
whom they arc talking, you know"
DIR. ROBERTSON, of Georgetown, Mass
thinks that the popular idea that hot G
cold drinks are apt to crack the enam'
Of the teeth is incorrect He has asce
tanned by experiment that it REFUSES
change Of temperature Of 1909. Fab.
crack the enamel of an ordinary loot
The teeth arc never subjected to such
great change as this in the use Of hot ,
cold liquids.