Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1874-07-16
PHUNNYGRAMS.

dial takes its way.
Bancroft, though not man of war,
is seventy-four.
Short men always rise early; it is
impossible for them to lie long
-CoQuettes are like weathercocks-
only fixed when they become rusty.
Hans Won Bulows treatment of the
Mianese is said to have been Bulow crit
icism.
A Western critic speaks of Bunion,
the author of Pilgrims Progress He
ought to 90 to the " foot"
Fame doesn't spoil Collins Graves.
He has rescued his potatoes from the
hungry bugs, and is calmly hoeing the
fruit.
Philadelphia is to be made unhappy
again. Weston says he was we'll received
there, and he proposes to go there again,
soon.
The best cure for hydrophobia is said
to be the sulphate of canine, which is
warranted to contain all the strength of
the original bark
Boston Globe: 1t has been discovered
that e bite of mad dog is an antidote
for rattlesnake poison. Hunters should
carry about a little mad dog in cage.
Texas is full of mysteries. A man
was put in Jail the other night at Bryan,
and the next morning he was found
hanging to a tree quarter of mile
away.
what becomes of dogs when they
dieY" was what a juvenile in Boston
asked his pm "They go to the happy
land of canine" his parent quickly re-
piled
"A rich bachelor in Providence de
clares he must marry girl who ends her
name with "ie," and all the Fannies
and Iosies and Minnies are thinking
what ely will do about it.
-" Jennie" said one Irshman to an
other, the first time he saw locomotive,
what is that snorting bastcY' "Suure,
! don't know was the reply; unless
it's II steamboat splurgin' to get to
water"
You must do little more work,
Sandy" said an employer to half-wit
engaged in making mortar. "Ay, ay,"
was tie reply; Pm jist rs busy whin
yer ava rs whin yer no here His en-
ployer believed it,
"A lady in Winnipauk recently left
t e following note for the milkman:
Mr., Id pleas to put in wun quart
and levc me some more tikets and eff this
note shud bio away and yo kant fine it,
plese leve me the tiket all the sam"
--Spilkins, who has been the rounds of
the college commandments this year,
SAYS that altogether the most sensible
and pleasing remarks he has beard any
where were those of the pupils at the
Institution for the Deaf and Dumb.
"A couple of neighbors became SO in
imical that they would not speak to Gag b
other, but one Of them, having been con
vertcd at a camp-meeting, on seeing his
former enemy held out his hand saying:
" How dye do, Kemp? | am humble
enough to shake hands with dog!'
AT Tom Badgers wedding Jack Lum-
~ was called upon for u toast. Jack
could not remember that neat little speech
he had been coming for week, but he
felt himself equal 10 the occasion, and
said Badger, your health. May this
days entertainment be often repeated"
Mrs. Badger tainted.
A stranger gets puzzled in st. Louis.
He picks up the st. Louis Democrat, and
finds that he is reading IA Republican
paper. lncensed at the fraud, he casts
it aside and grasping the ST. Louis Repub-
Hcan finds that he is reading Demo
cratic paper. Then he rings the bell
violently for tie hall.boy and wants to
know "if everything in st, Louis is
brazen deceit
In little town out West a lady teach
er was exercising a class of juveniles in
mental arithmetic. She commenced the
question, &" If you buy COW for ten dol
lars" when up came little hand.
What is it, johnny" "Why, you can't
buy no kind of COW for ten dollars;
father sold one for sixty dollars the 9th
er day, and she was u regular old scrub
at that"
A gentleman was once arguing with
a Scotch lady, when at length he stopped.
" tell you what, ma'am, said he; "Ill
not argue with you any longer; you're
not open to conviction" Not open to
convection, sirl" was the indignant reply;
=" scdfn the imputatiop, sir; ] am open
to conviction. But" she added, after a
moments pause, show me the man that
can convince mel
He was quaint old fisherman. One
day along toward dusk he was fishing in
a trout stream, and, as he flung his fly
out over the water, it WAS suddenly
snapped by huge bat. The strange
looking thing dan.lcd and tapped its
wings at the end Of the line The fish
erman's companion c'll"d out: Say,
Sam got anything?" Yes.as," looking
at the bat on his hook "What is it,"
Il dunno, unless its cherubim!"
- -
"A nyear-old daughter Of Mr. Per-
kins, while playing about a horsepower
the other day near Dixon, H., WAS