The Portland daily press., 1874-01-10
THE PRESS.
SATURDAY MORNING. JAN. 10, 1874.
Gossip and Gleanings.

Gossip and Gleanings.
An iron will, aslvery voice, plenty of brass
and modicum of tin win golden opinions.
The two leading papers in indianapolis
speak ofeach other as ''that slum-hole Sheet
''that cabbage-cover," &c.
Wit is dangerous gift," but we do not
know any one who is in great peril from its
possession
A Dayton physician undertook to thrash
reporter two weeks ago, and isn't able to get
out OF bed yet.
Talk about the jaws of death, said a hem
pecked husband. they are nothing to the jaws
of llfe
Broker-How are you off for money this
morning? Cashier-I am off with what lit
tie there was in the bank Good by.
Some thoughtful person says: ''It is un-
kind 10 ridcule those items in the papers
about centenarians. 1t is no easy thing to
become centenarian; several have failed"
Nils McFlirter somehow managed in the fog
to miss her party at the cattle show, aud was
CALAMITY escorted home by Captain Sliboots
to whom she is engaged now.
MIR. Jones' mother-in-law contrived under
cover OF the darkness to pay his house visit,
and is Eow quite comfortably quartered for
some six weeks on his larder.
A Fog Rule-Should the fog be very dense
withdraw half the police from the thorough
fares. Remember their lives are valuable to
the community at large.
Some effects of the Fog-Mr. Dodge de-
clined to meet bill drawn, payable at sight,
alleging that the fog made it impossible to
see it.
The beloved of the Almighty are the rich
who have the humility of the poor, and the
poor who have the magnanimity Of the rich.
-[Saadi.
Mr.. Rory O'Rafferty, good templar, stray
ed into gnshop while strolling home from
work, having by sheer accident, in the dark
ness of the atmosphere, mistaken the estab-
lishment for coffee-shop.
Mr.. Jollicock was discovered by his anxious
wife long while after midnight, vainly try
ing with his latch-key to open the frcnt door.
He stated for excuse that the fog was sho
shoth-hic-thahe he c-couldn sheekeyhole
A small stream near Yellowstone Lake is
split in two by small peninsula, one branch
following the Yellowstone and Missouri to
the Gulf, the other making its way into the
Snake River and thence to the Pacific.
The Milford lecture committee wrote to
Boston to learn what Mrs. Scott-Siddons
would read for. The reply was "$30O and
expenses; answer, as Mrs. Sddcns will sail
for Europe at once if you don't want her,"
"Let her SAIL" was the answer.
A farmer sent to an orphan asylum for a
boy that was smart, active, brave, tractable.
prompt, industrious, clean, pious, intelligent.
good-looking, reserved, and modest. The Su-
perintendent wrote back that unfortunately
they had only human boys in that institution.
Now is a wholesome time for colds aud
fevers; and good way TO get them is to force
your way into crowded street car, and with
your smoking umbrella viciously poke all tie
within reach until not a gill of
fresh air can gain admittance.
'This is very crooked path," said Jones
to Brown, as they wound up the sides of
Montauvut. ''Crookedr' was the reply, ''it
is SO confounded zgzag you can stand with
one foot on zig and the other on gag without
any difficulty.
An undecided fellow courted lady for
twenty-eight years and then married her.
She turned out perfect virago, but died in
two years after the wedding. ''Now,'' said
he, in self-congratulating tone, ''see what
have escaped by long courtship.
A barber in London, TO attract custom, had
on his sign picture of Absalom suspended
by his hair from the boughs OF the oak, and
underneath these lines: 20 Ahsalom, my
son, my son, had you but worn a peri-wig
you'd never been undone!"
'Abe Rick' says, "After sevril years NV re-
Election have come to the konklusion that
the three most difficult things in life are-1st,
carryin an armful of live eels up steep hill
without spillin an eel; End. aktin as referee