Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-03-30
SWEET PICKLES.
"a little nonsense now and then,
Is relished by the wisest men,"

Ghe Troy Wh5g wants somebody to
put head on Bald Mountain immedi-
ately.
Next to pork, whiskey is our main de-
pendence. Another 'panic'' appears
above the horizon Cincinnati Eng.
The Bath County, KY, Neacs has hit
it; it is printed with the motto, 'Devot-
ed to the interests of the proprietor
The last useless task that a German
professor has found for himself is the
counting of the hairs in buffalo robe.
A Sioux city hotel, has black and
tan dog that killed thousand rats in
month. This is good puff for the
dog, but is hard on the hotel.
A Western reporter was angry because
a young woman would not waltz with
him, and in his report of the ball he
called her graceful little toad
Col. John Hay, author of Leather
Breeches. and other farm ballads, was
recently married to Miss Stone.
To farming operations the Colonel is no stranger
And If he turns Stone to Hay, he ought to be gran
ger.
A Kentucky paper apologies for hav-
ing spoken of the red-headed malignant
mule who dispenses the county money
by saying that it wrote: 'big-hearted
valiant soul
So thorough has been the temperance
movement in some sections of Ohio, that
liquor is only sold by the jug full now.
Retail guzzling has happily been COM
pletely wiped out.
Justice overtakes the evil-doer sooner
than he dreams of sometimes A boy
threw SNOWFALL at lame darkey the
other day, and, lodging into an area, he
sat down into scuttle of hot ashes.
A New Britain man considers that
this is sadly unappreciative world. He
tried to assist in the worship of Sec
Ond Advent church with a Jewsharp.
He proved that his conduct was Scrip
tural, but he was fined $40
A Virginia bishop says he saw a
wheat field in California seventeen miles
long, and when the owner ploughs it he
starts on one furrow and goes all day,
camps out all night, and ploughs back
the next day.
A clergyman being invited to open a
legislature with prayer, uttered the fol-
lowing ambiguous petition: May cor
ruption and sin of every form be as far
from every member of this legislature as
| ZHOu art.
When Kansas city girl, who was
clerk in a candy store, learned she had
fallen heir to one hundred thousand dol
lars in England, she refused to attend to
customers, and perched herself on the
counter. and chewed gum-drops the rest
of the day.
The young scamp who robbed a church
on the hill last month, has addressed a
note of condolance to the members of
the congregation, advising them to lay
up treasures where moth and rust do not
corrupt nor thieves break through and
steal.-Brook!yn AagatS.
A Down-East genius has just patent
ed a self-raking, steam winding. breach
loading, seven octave. non explosive. au-
tomato urchin-c -chastiser, and combined
hair-comb, editorial protector and hash
cutter. And yet people say that the in
ventive genius of the country is on TIE
wane.
A conductor on the Chicago & Altor
railroad is reported as having forbidden
honeymoon billing and cooling. Oh
serving bridegroom's arm out of place
he forbade further demonstrations. 'But
I have right to hing her. said John
Not on railroad said the-eonductor
there is a law against all unjust dis
ordinations on railroads, and as [ have
not woman for each man on the trair
to hug, your action is in violation of tn
law and must be stopped
A Detroit policeman in the western
part of the city heard that a resident O
Twelfth street had been badly injured
and he called at the house to obtain pa1
ticulars. He found the man lying O.
the lounge, his head tied up and his fac
badly scratched, and he asked What
the matter; did you get run over or di
you fall down stairs? No. not exactly
replied his wife, but he wanted to ru
the house his way, and wanted to ru
. it my way, and there he Is