Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-10-28
Humorous.

.4E. Humorous.
Az AMUSING anecdote is told of well
known French general who played
conspicuous part in cavalry charge.
This gallant warrior had been severely
wounded on that occasion, having re-
ceiyed a sabre cut on the head and 4
bullet in his left thigh. Such an allow
ance might have satisfied a man of quiet
tastes, but was far from sufficient for
the fre-eating general. In relating the
charge, which he did at every dinner
party, he was in the habit of throwing
in haH dozen bayonet thrusts and a
couple of stray splinters from a shell,
and be invariably appealed for corro-
boration of his narrative TO an aid-de-
camp who had ridden by his side. On
one occasion having imbibed more than
his usual allowance of ~ Chateau
Yquem, he drew a more than usually
startling picture of his riddled and per-
forated condition. A cannon ball had
killed his horse, dozen sabres had
descended at once on his head, couple
of lances had passed through each of
his arms, and all the bullets and bayo-
nets of Germany seemed to have given
each other a rendezvous in his body
"You remember it well, don't you," he
added, turning to aid-de-camp. The
wel-trained subaltern had suffered long
in silence. The bayonets, bullets,
lances, etc, he had got used to by long
practice, but the cannon-ball was the
last straw that broke the camel's back.
rxaD1-aI la,,'E l,a-
bow could you expect me to? You
know as well as / do that the very
cannon-ball that killed your horse
struck the breastplate of a cuirassier
behind us, and then bounded back and
took my head of y
A BEAR, the sole supporter of his
master. was standing upon his hind
feet and practicing dancing, in which
he was not quite perfect. Delighted
with his own importance, he said to
monkey: "What do you think of my
dancing?" The monkey was con-
noisseur, and answered :. ''You dance
very badly" ''fhat is all prejudice" :"
replied the bear. A mule that heard
this dialogue cried out q: ''Brayo,
bravo, bear there never was, nor never
viii be a better dancer" No sooner
was this eulogy uttered than the bears
arrogance vanished; he felt the reproof
and modestly exclaimed "When the
monkey disapproved of my performance
| began to doubt whether he told the
truth but now believe that l dance
very ILL.," Moral: Authors, critics,
orators and poets, learn wisdom from
this bear. When the wise withhold
their appreciation it is bad enough /; but
when fools praise it is ten times worse.
CHARLES LANIB would not allow any
great antiquity for wit, and, apostro-
phiZing candle light, said: This is
our peculiar and household planet !;
wanting it, what savage, Rnsocial nights
must our ancestors have spent, winter
ing in caves and uniliumined Businesses,
They must have lain about and grumbled
at one another in the dark. What re-
partees could have passed when you
must have felt about for n smile, and
handled q neighbor's cheeks to be sure
he understood ii. Jokes came in with
candles.
4 coUSTRYNAN stepped in a drug
store, where was kept miscellaneous
assortment of books among them Hugo's
"93'-and said confidently: 81 want
to fool the old woman; she's been
kinder heyen the ager, and wants some
thing to warm her mp, but she won't
take nOthin' but number six, and that
don't faze her. l see by the papers
that you have got some '93.' want a
dimes worth, and If that don't fetch
her, she's gone"
One of the excursionists on a Like
Champlain boat recently went to sleep
on deck, and in the morning couldn't
find his shoes. "Where did you put
them p asked a sympathizing friend.
81 opened that little cupboard and laid
them on the SHELF" he replied. The
victim had opened the wheel-house and
laid his shoes on the paddle wheel.
II IS SAID that Miss LiyermOre lee
tured $50 times last year. The man
who started the item in circulation
must have been unmarried and without
mother-ir-law. How many times
they have lectured during the year,
although not in public, it would not be
/ pleasant 20 compute.
'THE able Dobbs looks grander than
ever on the rostrum," wrote Spriggins,
of the biuckletown Telescope and PcO-
pies Champion. 1.-The able Dobbs
looked gander than ever on the ros-
trum, was the fowl perversion Of his
intelligent compositor.
ACCORDING to a Cincinnati paper,
John Thomas was recently sued by
Hester Prim for breach of promise.
'John Thomas, come into court ~
shouted the constable. "John Thomas
needn't come in to court me any more, -
said Hester primly.
"WHAT are you going TO do about it p
asked Davie of a friend who had been
smashed up in railroad disaster and
terribly injured. "Well," gasped the
hopeful sufferer, ''firstly, L shall go in
for repairs secondly, shall go in for
/ damages"
4 CLERGYMAN one stormy night
| prayed ~ Lord, we tnank Inee 1Or
the goodly number here tonight, and
also that Thou art here notwithstanding
the inclemency of the weather"
The boy who, when asked to what
trade he would wish to be brought up,
replied, 81 will be a trustee, because
ever since papa has been q trustee We
have had puddings for dinner.
A WAC, in "what he knows about
farming" gives very good plan to re-
move widows weeds. He says a good
looking man has only to say wilt
thou" and they wilt.
AwoIAS, in Allegheny, does nothing
for living only wash in daylight and
sew for tGilOrs at night. Some philan-
thropic person should find something
fo- bpr N 10 ~