Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-01-23
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A few days ago colored man applied
at one of the Boston Savings Banks where
he had deposit and whence he wished to
draw one dollar. The polite clerk inform
ed him that the iron rule of the institution
forbid the withdrawal of less sum than
three dollars. Our colored brother was in
deepI study for few moments and then
said "Sar, I'll take de free dollars.''-
The three dollars were paid to him, when
he at once added: ''Now, sar, if you
please, sar, I'll poset two dollars in de in
stitution." The amount was duly receiv-
ed and credited to his account when with
his loose dollar in his pocket he gave the
clerk sly wink, and walked away whist
ling Scotch weasel asleep"
A man shot woman in Washington
the other day for claim of twenty cents.
The Courier Journal hates to deal harshly
with fellow being, but insists that the
man who will shoot a woman for anything
less than dollar and half is not a gen.
tleman.
The most imprudent witness in New
York appeared in the famous Kelsey trial.
He said he never told anything to his wife
unless he wanted it known all over the
neighborhood.
A little boy six years old was asked by
his teacher to write composition on the
subject of water, and the following is the
production ''Water is good to drink, to
swim, in to skate on when frozen. I have
been told that the Injuns don't wash them
selves but once in ten years, I wish was
an Injun /!
Two bushels of old Radical paper fshed
out Of we'll in an Iowa town, have ena
bled the citizens to account for the water
having tasted so mnch like I've.
An indianapolis policeman arrested three
fashionable young ladies in mems attire at
a masquerade, and never said word to
some fellows in crinoline.
A Fort Wayne girl engaged herself to
young man "for fun, " but she tainted when
she found that he had procured the pub
LEGATION of the engagement in a newspa-
per.
Domestic young lady (naking pie)
Crank, the Kitchens no place for boys.
Has dough such an attraction for you 20
Clever youth sit isn't the dough, cousin
it's the DEAR"
A little knot Of ladies were discussing
I, r. Of Of la TT
single young lady, said Matches are
made in heaven VERY likely" was the
quick rejoineder of married lady land they
are often dipped in the other place.
''Be careful how you drink, or you'll
wash the color from your cheek" said a
gentleman at fashionable party, as he
handed glass of water to lady. "There
is no danger of your ever taking water
enough to remove the color from your
face,'' was the good-natured retort.
A remarkably dirty man stepped in
front of a small boy sitting on fence, ex-
pecting to have some fun by chatting him.
He said ''Well, how much do you weight"
The answer was, "Well, about us much
as you would if you were washed"
An undecided fellow courted a lady for
twenty eight years, and then married her.
She turned out a perfect virago, but died
in two years after the wedding. "Now,"
said he, in self congratulating tone, ''see
what have escaped by a long courtship."
II have lost fesh," said topper to his
companion. "No great loss replied the
other, "since you have made it up in
spirits.''
A drunken Irishman was found by his
friends the other night lying in the snow
with his heels upon the fence, warming
his toes by moonlight. He was mutter-
ing "1Nhat cowld fire ye have got, Bid
dy, darling have on some carrysane or
my futs will fraze.7'
Forty pairs Of hands flying wildly in the
air, forty mouths in distressful pantomime.
siWhat do you want ?" asked the teacher
"Your hair is falling off, answered the |
chorus.
This is very crooked path, - said Jones
to Brown as they wound up the sides of
Montauvut "Crooked !" was the reply, |
SIT is SO COMPOUNDED zigzag you can stand |
with one foot On zig and the other on gag, |
without any difficulty.''
Mr.. Jones carries his money in his hat,
and the other day, when he saw the entire !
supply going off on the winds of heaven.
bitterly remarked, that's what you got for |
your internal imitation.
Mark Twain, in speaking Of eaniba1isna, |
clares that, for his own part, she would go |
hungry for two days rather than eat an |
old personal friend.''
A Denver minister was marrying cou- |
pie, when dog fight interrupted, and the
bride called out ''drive ahead the yaller |
pup has got him by the paw -
A white boy met a colored boy and asked |
1irA what he had such short nose for
~ speet SO itwon't poke itself into other
peoples business
Lavish Absent Man 81 Business-"O,
Mr.. - (forgets his name), will you ex-
cuse me one minute Take a seat---pray
take "a ehair-.take a." Meek Client /
- 'Thanky you, I have one" Man O. Bus
That's all right,-take another p
''There - said Jones, as he ,wrataully
pushed away the pie which his ilandlady
had just served him, 'the stuff isn't fit for
a pig to eat, and ain't going to eat it,"