The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1874-12-25
PENCIL AVID sCIssORs.

PENCIL AND SCISSORS.
The beauty Of Russia leather pocket
books is that they are never without
cent in them, you know.
The proverbial faith Of Abraham now
pales before the trusting confidence Of the
man who eats chestnutsin the dark.
In riding on the "rail" always take
seat just in front Of fat old gentleman.
In case of collision he breaks the hurt
wonderfully.
NOTHING recalls to the mind Of the
married man the joys Of his single life 50
vividly as to find that the baby has been
eating crackers in the bed.
WARS the world coming to, any
howl A man advertised three bushels
of grapes on the vines, and the boys steal
every grape before morning.
The Whitehall Times mentions man
in that town 10 ticklish that his tailor
cannot measure him for a suit Of clothes
without first administering chloroform.
A WESTERN poet, who had expressed
wish to die amid the grand solitude of
the eternal mountain tops" was recently
killed by the explosion Of a pint of ten
cent kerosene.
A FOND husband boasted to a friend
"Tom, the old woman came near calling
me honey, last night" did she, Bill;
what did she sayY' "She said, well,
Old Beeswax, come to supper"
TuE poet who sent an effusion entitled
"Nothing but Flowers" to a paper for
publication, is on the ragged edge Of
modification. The poem appeared as
"Nothing but F'leas" When the COM
positor was reasoned with, he said he
thought there ought to be something
lively about the poem.
SAID Missouri preacher: "There's
powerful sight of giggling back thar in
the corner, and it's got to be stopped, or
the Lord will delegate me to open the
door and throw some one outw 1t was
stopped.
Observe you plimeu mPfu uhe
To effect its captvaiion
Deposit articles saline
Upon Its terminstion.'
WHICH means, II you want to catch a
bird, you must throw salt on its tail.
The Danbury News says that E. the
maddest kind of woman is one who
spends a half hour in arranging her
toilet before descending to the parlor ON
the arrival Of visitor-who proves 10
be a book agent"
The Milwaukee Ne,rs says Here is
Charlotte Cushman, worth $2jO,00O,
sailing around the country getting $500
night, while Mrs. Bryant in Illinois,
who has raised seven children and
buried two husbands, has just gone to
the poor-house.
"WHAr shall we do with our daugh-
ters?" inquiries Mrs. Livermore, and
Western editor--an inhuman wretch
replies If they are like their mothers
wear false hair, corsets, and high
heeled shoes, powder paint-wring
their Iecks at once"
elbow do you do, Sallie; how do You
do? | amt seed you in such time!
How is you, nohowy' Sallie, grasping
the old darkey's hand and giving II n
cordial shake: "Pse still kicking,
thank you, Uncle Tom, but amt kick
ing high. How you getting enr' Uncle
Tom deliberately; "Well, Ssllie, I'm
sticking together-in spots"
The beauty of keeping goat is that
he isn't particular about what you feed
him on. A. Buffalo Billy goat got into
the house the other day during the fam
ily's absence, and managed to make re-
spectacle meal of Of Panama hat, three
linen bosom shirts, box Of Havana ci-
gars and part of a new bonnet.
A QUEER case is reported from Dem
yer, Colorado. A man got drunk, stole.
his own trunk and hid it. He COM
plained of the theft, the property was
recovered, and he was made the prose
cutting witness. The Judge being In
quandary how 10 treat 80 novel a cae,
decided that the thief was not aecounta-
Bile for his acts.
ONE of the least ilattering tributes
ever paid to a rising young artist, has
been paid To a 81 Louis dauber by, a
Western critic: "He possesses sonle
merit as an artist, but il is hard 10 ssy
whether II lies in landscape or marine
painting-you can not tell his cows
from his ships, except when they have
their tails exalted, when the absence Of
spars betrays their characters. Even
then they may be mistaken for schoon-
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