The Van Buren press., 1874-02-24
NO. IS
bies came near being the death OF him,
on one occasion, as feel called on TO re

on one occasion as feel called on to re
late
1t once became necessary for him 10
take trip on the cars, mode OF con-
veyance that he abominated, because, as
| he said, 81 teller never know'd who was
goin to set down by him when he ven.
tured in the tarnel things" But this
time it was unay ayodable, so he bought his
ticket and then carefully examined every
box to see If there was any place where
he could be safe from intrusion. Finally
/ he made choice of corner seat, where
| he thought nobody else would sit, and
proceeded to make himself comfortable.
4 Alas for human calculations! The cars
kept filing up, til at last there sas no
vacancy except half the seat he occupied
and still the train stood still Joe Was
in agony of terror, and mentally cursed
the entire railrond company
Why in the lame Of job don't THY
20 on he nIu,tefed ''The next thirg
anybody knows SOHO won an viin her
arms full of babies will tumble in hee
an want half OF nv seat, but I'll not give
tup, II die for i. Confound TIA. coa-
ductorY do believe he's doin' it pur
pose to git Inc into scrape. Fl hsd
him by the nccl. id make him trot this
old siage or in q hurry"
Here his reflections were cut short By
the opening OF the door, and to his utter
CONSERVATION, there VAS woman with
fat baby in her arms. To make matters
worse, the train just then started of in o,
hurry, and, without any ceremony the
new conner pumped herself down hv
Joc's side, aud commenced playing with
the baby Here was dilemma, from
which there was no possible mode Of %.
cape She was q bright eyed, red checked
woman, with saucy mouth, looking as
il nothing would please her better than
lark, and Joe possibly quakcd In his
boots when she turned her eyes fully on
him. In his desperation he frantically
2rasped the sash aud raised il to its full
est extent, lifting in rush OF cold air.
that would have struck chill 10 any
body else.
Wha, are you doing that for 2" asked
the lady opening her black eyes in won-
der.
It's so confounled hot in here.
s,ammered Joe
Hot, indeedm replied she, with u
merry laugh, you must have fever. "
IL amt very we'll, gasped poor
Joe. while the sweat poured from him in
great drops, aud he seemed about to
pitch himself out OF the window.
! With quiekness Of her sex, she saw
| what was the matter with him, and wo-
man Ike, determined to make finish Of
hin.
II won't lite you" she said mali.
ciously moving little nearer.
II don't know" replied be, "bat--I
wish was at iiome .
Did your ma know you was comiugl
was the next query
No, answered he, "and ! guess
shc'll be precious uneasy about me. "
Well, never mind, said she sooth
ingly, l won't never tell anybody and
we II have such nice time
"The ID we will. thought Joe,
II wish you or me was in the asylum
Contound her! I'll bet she 5 widow,
an the Grst thing know she'll marry
me, right here in the crowd, aud Joe
shvercd all over with fright at the pic
ture conjured up by his heated imngina-
ton He locked out at the window, To
see if there was any chance ofescape. but
the train was moving too fast for a leap.
aud he couldn't get out ut the door with
out she would move, which she appeared
to have no intention Of doing. Mean
while, sue ratified away, as only woman
caa do, putting all manner Of questions
to Joe, while the baby crowed and
danced, and seemed desirous OF cultivat.
ing closer acquaintance.
| While matters were in this highly In
tcrcs,ne condition, the tram halted at =
depot, when the lady Suddenly sprang
up, cxclniming "Oh, there's cousin
John! Please hold babyjtill speak 10
him, and before he could say "quit"
she pumped the little fellow down in his
lap and dartcl out
/" Good Lord il amt gone and done
it now = he proaned. I'm bet she's
run away an I'll be hung for stealing
this confounded baby Hello! stop tho
the macline!" he yelled. as the train
moved on again, but he was olly answer
cd by general laugh, as tie crowd on
pretended the situation, ard enjoyed the
joke. Joe was in fix, now, ani no mis-
take He'd never had baby in his Lap
before. and knew no more about manag
ing il than he did about calculating the
next eclipse. In his agony he gruntcd,
Iaad ,srvaoe,i, and ~swsrr, and almost
cried, and when the young one grabbed
his shirt bosom with one hand and his
whiskers With the other. he seemed to
have serious notions of pitching it out
OF the window. Bu, still no mother ap.
pearct. and it seemed that he was des-
tined to become the head of family,
whether or no.
Ticket, sir, exclaimed the conduc.
tor, holding out his hand for Joe's pass.
pork
Here, take il. y replied Joe, holding
out the baby at arms length, as II it was
huge spider.
:" You cant travel on that ticket, said
the conductor. who didn't appear to un-
derstand what Was up.
For Gods sake. take It way from
here, " urged joe The woman's run
away. and ain't well and she won't
come back, an III be put in Jail for steal
ing, aud done il purpose. and do te
Erve I'm goin' clean out of my head y
and Joe waxrd elooucnt ut the accumu-