The Republican. [volume] (Maryville, Tenn.) 187?-187?, 1874-05-30
NUMBER II.
FACTS AND FANCIES.

permanent than damp skirt.
The last grand gift enterprise in
Nevada is for the purpose of obtaining
funds for lunatic asylum. Approprl-
ate,
"A lady lecturer believes that women
ought to retain their own names when
they get married. She has retained hers
thus far.
There are 700 fashionable styles OF
calling cards, but Blinks says he pre-
fers to "call on four aces and let the
other 696 go.
An observing man has discovered a
similarity between young ladies sem
mary and q sugar house, as both refine
what Is already sweet.
Ocean avenue, at Long Branch, is
being plowed up and gra6sl. 1t will
be devoted to tho cultivation Of "small
potatoes" during the summer.
"A young lady who was recommen-
ded to bathe her head in salt water, to
prevent her hair falling out, is afraid
she has got herself into pickle.
An Iowa boy was lately overheard
addressing his paternal in this filial
style: You JUS lem me lone, yeow ole
cuss, or I'll climb yeow, l will"
"A Wisconsin woman, who recently
buried her eighth husband, has just re-
ceived an offer of $500 to move into
some other state, and is standing out
for 81, 900.
Nellie Grants intended husband
says "wath for "was," and parts his
hair in the middle, but it has been set
tied that he is not a roaming barber,
and she is happy.
"A London advertisement runs thus:
"a country priest will say mass once
week for any one who will regularly
send him the Times newspaper, second
hand, on the day of its publication"
DIR. Cuyler wants all the young la
dies to band together and saJ, "No lips
shall touch my ps that have touched
bottle" Rather rough this on the fell
lows that were brought up by hand.
Its easy enough for man to say
he won't never swear again as long as
he lives, but let him attempt to draw
up bucket of water with windlass
and have the pin slip out, and then!
The Publishers Board of Trade at
New York have agreed to withdraw
travelling agents for two years. Now,
if the sewing machine companies would
only do likewise, we might have rest.
"A lady in Kalamazoo, Michigan,
has the photographs of her three de-
parted lords in group, with vignette
of herself in the center, and underneath
is the inscription, 1.-The Lord will pro-
vide" =,
"A Georgia negro who bet ten dol
lars that Gen. Washington commanded
the federals at Bull Run handed the
money over, with the remark: "Well,
dis yere hist'ry business is all mixed up,
anyway
Whenever the average lecturer lacks
a subject on which to pile up agony,
he generally resorts to the Pyramids
and gives them fresh rubbing down.
They are as inexhaustible as they are
imperishable.
"A gentleman was complimenting
prtty young lady in the presence of his
MhCs ~ . L ttlNt bOu hCCp 4hipo
Hopkins before married you, my dear"
"Well, yes, it is extremely-for her."
was the dry rejoinder.
"A Florida correspondent says that
although many persons suffering from
consumption in other states have gone
there and been restored to health, there
are old established Florida families fast
dying of the same disease.
The quickest way we know of to
make man believe that there's nothing
in the world worth living for is to excite
him into chasing cat across yard
where two or three clothes-lines are in
nocently swaying in the evening breeze.
Respect old age. If you have
maiden aunt forty years old, and she is
passing herself off for girl of twenty
three, there is no need for you to expose
her. The more you respect her age and
keep quiet about it, the more she will
respect you.
Paul Hayne recently visited tho
grave OF Edgar Allan Poe, in the Pres.
byterian church-yard in Baltimore, and
draws a sad picture of its desolation.
The burial ground is quite uncared for,
and the grave is only marked by
wooden foot-board.
If you are in hurry, never get be-
hind couple that are counting. They
want to make so much of each other that
they wouldn't move quick if they were
going to funeral. Get behind your
Jolly married folks, who have lots OF
children at home, if you W. mt to move
fast.
81 would marry you, Jacob, said
lady to an importunate lover, were
it not for three reasons" ION, tell
me-" he said imploriDgly, "what they
are, that may remove them 2" "The
first is" said she, 81 don't love you
the second is, don't want to love you
and the third is, / couldn't love you
if wanted to !"
"A Chicago editor who is in favor OF
Mr.. Bigelow's plan of celebrating. the
Centennial, thought he had wound up
his, article. "Give us fire-crackers, or
give lis DEATH" but he discovered his
mistake in the morning when lie read,
"Give us four crackers, or grieye our
death" The compositor thought the
poor man was hungry.
Wife and husband. Scene home.
Husband reading book, and lost in it.
Wife on other side of table rustling un-
easily-nobody to talk to- Finally the
explosion Wife--"I wish ] were a
bookl' Rstort of the tyrant $50 do
1. Iwish you was an almanac, so l could
change you every year. = Falling cur
tain-coming broomstick.
"A remarkable rose bush alorns the
cottage Of s. A. Randall, Of Santa Rosa,
California. 1t was planted in 1858, and
is Of the Lamarque variety. Imagine