The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1874-11-05
NUMBER Al.
EDITING A PAPER.
The positive" style ia ths Local De-
partment-

l don't suppose that another man ever
lived like that Ohio editor who lifted
me out of the back end of an omnibus
one night, led me up Eve pairs of stairs
and undertook to tell me how I was to
assist IN running the local department
of the paper. 'fYou see, said he, lab
bing at a cOckroach with the shears,
g. you want to be positive in what You
say folks here won't believe any of
your suppose SOS and allegations. Say
what you say in words that can't be dis
puted or, if they are disputed, send
the fellow into the other room and I'll
fix him" He was a great man for fun I;
he never laughed himself, but he had
a high appreciation for humor. He was
always wanting me to get of something
sharp on some one, no matter who, and
he ran me so much had to quit. For
instance he came down one morning and
said "Now, Charles, get of hit on
Julius Caesar" "Why, sir. the old
man died years ago." Il" No matter, no
matter" he went on, "get off some
thing or I'll discharge you" As S75 a
year was an object to me then, 1 handed
in a pretty big item. That's good,
that's positive" he replied, and IN it
went. The paper hadn't been out an
hour before a dozen were crOwding in
after an explanation. els your name
Caesar ?" asked the old man of each in
turn. emo" "Well, then, who's run.
ming this Cesar business ? Ain't I here
to disseminate knowledge2 Don't 1 do
her ?" And he finally threw another
sheet on the "points." "
"Now, Charles" said he again, get
off a lick on George Washington
something under lively headline.
"But he's been written up, I replied.
Z" No matter-get off something, or
bere's my note of hand for the balance
due YOU" As his note of hand was
rather a good thing to keep, 1 dug out
a severe thing under the head of '' Bru-
tai Outrage" There was a Washing
tonian society in town. and half its
members were rushing up stairs before
the edition was half off. Base
wretch" shouted the president. "Ca-
lumniator of genius" squeaked the old
maid secretary. Vile rascal" hissed
a young man, with his hair behind his
ears. Gentlemen and old maid" be-
gan the editor, as he rolled up his
sleeves, 90 why am / here? If any of
you know more about George Wash
ington than do, why just take and run
this office" And they had to go away
with their minds in an unsettled state.
Another time, when he had run over
a whole volume of ancient history with
out finding one to hit, says he, "Get
off something on me-" That's just
what 1 wanted, and I wrote :" We
want wood on subscription to this pa
per. Some of our subscribers prom
ised to pay for their paper in wood
more than ten years ago, and it's about
time they brought it in. We want
od-wood-wood." It was in July,
an5 there were thirteen loads of wood
in front of the Office before noon. They
got there about the same time, and
thirteen farmers came up IN a body.
Gentlemen" said the old man, after
they had stated their errand, "wood is
wood; wood is a noun; is is n verb,
and wood is noun again. The OBJ
jective case governs the requirements
of the adverb, which is the posses
sive of thirteen loads, according to
chapter seventy-one, rule three" And
every time they went to say any
thing about wood he got that of at
them, until they all went down in a
body threatening to vampire him at the
first opportunity.
The last thing / have any recollection
of was "getting off something" on the
mayor of the town. He went by old
Sykeg one evening without nodding,
and I had no sooner entered the Office
than heard, "Go for Muggs; give it
to him hot; yank him all to pieces, and
leave his shattered remains hanging TO
the staeple of the courthouse. But
he" I began, when Svlxes came close
up to him, breathing hard, and says he,
''Young man, go for Muggs. I hate to
part with you, but Smith offers to fill
your situation for dollar less" So
I sat down to do up Mugs. Sykes was
going away, and he left me to my judg-
ment. I wrote an article that I thought
would please the old man for positiv-
ness, and it went under triple heading.
I was Just locking up the paste pot in
the burglar-proof safe to keep it from
the rats, when heard yelling on the
streets, and the Office door came in on
me. ] saw stars, comets, spots on the
sun, new moons, and came to" in the
next town, when / sent the following
dispatch to the old man eff you can
pay your board bill stay where you are.
The press is ruined. The long primer
is in Hardy's horse-pond. The mailing
table, the bank, and the new job rack
went over the dam last evening. Things
amt as they was. We made big hit
on Muggs, and he retalIated powerfully.
I have hired out to a quiet old farmer
here, and think ! shsn't pursue the
'get-OfF business any further" In
about two months / got a reply. Here
is all that was said: Young man, al
ways be positive in your assertions. -
Detroit Free Press.