The Portland daily press., 1874-01-17
THE PRESS.
SATURDAY MORNING, JAN. II, 1874.

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SATURDAY MORNING. JAN. II, 1874.
Gossip and Gleanings.
Tell me thy company, and I will tell thee
who thou art.
Axiom for the kitchen-ThiDgs rubbed
against CRATER become less.
Money is very tight, said thief who was
trying to break oren bank vault.
10 all the good you can in the world, and
make as little noise about it as possible.
Jack Spratt could not have married better
if he had read 'Counterparts."
The trouble with Blue Boards last wife was
that she dropped the key to the situation.
Wise sayings often fall to the ground, but
kind words never die.
Hooker's wife was too many for him-she
made him rock the cradle whenever there
was company in the room.
Much harmless satire has been expended
on gentlemen's evening dress; but, after all,
what can be more suitable for a dinner party
than aswallow-tail coat?
"0ld Adam slept, and from bis side
Awoman in her magic beauty rose;
Dazzed and charmed he called her bride,
And his first sleep became his Last repose.'
The blossom can not tell what becomes of
its odor, and no man can tell what become of
his influence and example, that roll away
from him and go beyond his ken on their
mission.
Sailor Ito his wife)-There, there, don't
pipe your eye, old gal. faint the Ashantees
you've got to be afeerd on, or a storm at sea.
The worst part Oh it is from here to Ports
mouth in this 'ere land craft.
Ahob Juot tuC oOi1 VI uuulCitd tudt pCO-
pie appropriation in other words hook
said Smiggles to companion this morning,
showing very handsome silk parachute.
eyes," quietly ssid his companion, II
thought so when saw you have it."
An inquisitive young man said to his
mothers brother, "Uncle James, how is 1t
that you and Aunt Sarah never agree ?"
Because. my boy, we are both of US Of one
mind" ''How is that, uncle? 1 don't un-
derstand you." "Wby, my boy, you see she
always wants to be master and so do l."
A Gowanus tract distributor, who goes
about doing good to his fellow-creatures,
rather carelessy handled pet dog the other
day and now submits to be fed by his wife.
A man may get an impression that the angels
watch over him, but he can't always depend
uponit.
A..Pennsylvania practitioner of medicine
has a Partingtonian patient. He asked her
one morning recently If she had experienced
any relief in the night. She said she had
First the relief was in one shoulder, and then
in the other, and then 'peared to settle in her
back, but she put a mustard plaster between
her shoulders and the relief left her, and now
she felt better.
1t is told of q. young gentleman whom a
maiden liked. hut her father didn't, that at
reasonable hour the old gentleman mildly
intimated that the time for retiring had ar
rived. 81 think you are correct, my dear
sir" answered nineteenth century, modesfly,
Eve have waited for over an hour for you to
put yourself in your little bed" The father
retired thoughtfully.
A few days ago colored man applied al
one of the Boston savings banks where be
had deposit, and whence he wished to draw
one dollar. The polite clerk informed him
that the iron rule of the institution forbid
the withdrawal of less sum than three dol
ars. Our colored brother was in deep study
for few moments, and then said: "Sar, I'll
take de free dollars" The three dollars were
paid to him, when he at once added: Snow,
sir, if YOU please. sir, I'll poset two dollars in
de institution" The amount was duly re-
ceived and credited to his account, when,
with his lone dollar in his pocket, he gave the
clerk sly wink, and walked away whistling,
''Catch weasel asleep"