The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1874-12-25
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

| An "Consul Mullet. HOW would tnaJ
sound Com. Adut
Foodinarian suits us better than Victual-
ist.-Dam5ury NeDs
They define the policy Of Hon. Morrissey
as long pool, strong pool and pool al
together.-N. o. Republican.
The government of Saxony has forbidden
the practice of cremation in Dresden. The
government of Saxony is an ass.-St. Louis
Journal.
Artificial butter-making has never proved
success. The difficulty lies in putting in
the hairs SO that they look natural l.-Isrre
Haute Gazette.
| A Shawmut avenue grocery store is orna-
mented by q new placard which reads ::
'tMy Back is Up! Fresh milk only six
cents quart r'-Bostoas Globe.
| Terre Eaute Gazette The proverbial
faith of Abraham now pales before the
trusting confidence of the man who eats
chestnuts in the dark.
An appropriate play for those actors and
actresses who give annual farewell per
formances-'t 'tMuch Adieu About Nothing"
-Norristoecn Herald
One of the meanest things @ Tennessee
man can do is to blow out his brains at a
dance and muss the ballroom floor up so
that further dancing is prevented Detroit
Press.
They talk about the reckless extravaganza
of the American people, and yet a Bangor
man worked all day to clean three-cent
stamp so that he could use it again.-Ee-
change.
A Mime sota>man has discovered terri
BILE explosive material, even more destruct-
i've than nitro-glycerine, dualin, or giant
powder. He thinks of calling it Mullett-
ine.-Com. Adct.
Marble men now make small tombstones
by the quantity, with the epitaph already
cut !: "Didn't know it was loaded" They
leave blank for the name and age-CAi-
cago Times.
1t is stated, upon good authority that
Colonel Mcclure is the best poker player in
Pennsylvania. He made a mistake, how
ever, in not holding flush against Forney's
three aces.-ArgUs.
The monogram garter question still
holds sovereign sway over the minds of
Western editors. It's one of those qlles-
tions which when once stuck firmly in the
human intellect nothing but Death can pry
out.-Argus.
IN experienced teacher says that it is
impossible for a Sunday school scholar, with
boil, to satisfactorily fasten his mind
down even upon the simplest exposition of
the scheme of salyation.-Argus.
The inventor of the ten barrelled shot
gun lives in Iowa, and is still a poor man.
How caprcious is fortune Belknap never
invented so much as corn-popper, and yet
he is Secretary of War.-Ara1s. =
People who saw him jump up and down
and heard him swear thought him crazy,
but he wasn't. He had merely delivered
Detroit Free Press.
A Massachusetts, paper says that Govern.
or elect CASTOR is one Of the solid men, be-
cause it only takes half of him to make a
ton. But even that don't amount to any
thing so long as the other half is simply
Gas-.-Spectator.
We do not know much about the thick
ness of corn husks, but from the way Orisk
any boys hold their girls shawls on with
both aims, we incline to the opinion that
this may be hard winter yet.-Rome Sen
tineg.
Norristown Herald: The poet who sent
an effusion, entitled Nothing but Flow
ers," to a paper for publication, is on the
ragged edge of modification. The poem
appeared as "Nothing but Fleas.o When
the compositor was reasoned with, he said
he thought there ought to be something
':Evely'' about the poem. v
Rev. Glendenning's defense is that the
woman ran after him and showed him too
much paltiality. This tendency on the part
of the woman to show pa-tiality for the
pastor, is one of the reasons why we have
steadily declined becoming preacher
Nil. Sen.