The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1874-12-25
The Coming Wife.
HOW SHE HELPS HER HUSBAND UNDER DIFF
CUITIEs-PATKNCE AND sUNsHINE.
From the Detroit Free Press

CUITIEs-PATIENCE AND SUNSHINE.
[From the Detroit Free Pressl
She's little bit of woman, all patience
and sunshine and I'd spoil the best silk hat
that money could buy for the privilege of
lending her my umbrella in a rain storm.
She's married, and she's got an old rhino-
ceros of husband. He makes it . practice
to come home tight at eleven O'Clock every
other night, and has for years, ana he can't
remember that she ever gave him cross
word about it. When he falls into the hall
she Is waiting to close the door and help him
back to the sitting room, where good fire
awaits him. She draws off his boots, unbut-
tons his collar, helps him of with his coat.
and all the time she is saying:
s.Poor Henry! How sorry am that you
had this attack of vertigo! lam afraid that
You will be found dead by the roadside some
:.Whszzer mean by vsrzhigo?" he growls !;
but she helps him of with his vest, and
pleasantly continues
I'm 90 glad you got home all right. I
hope the day will come when you can pass
more of your time at home. It is dreadful
how your business drives you.
ssWhaz bizshness-whaz yer talking BOUT?
he replies.
.sPoor one-how hot your head is !" she
continues, and presently he breaks down and
weeps and exclaims
"Yez zur-zic's a'orse- zelf out
fhast's can-wishI was dead
Next morning she never refers to the sub
iect, but pleasantly inquiries how he slept,
and if his mind is clear. His boots may be
missing, and he yells out
"Whar'n thunders my boots
"RiRht here, my dear!" she replies, and
she hands them out, all nicely blackel up.
If she wants dress, or hat, or . CLOAK,
and he yells out that household expenses are
eating him up, she never "sasses him back,
| nor tells him she could have married Con-
gresham, nor declares that she will write to
her mother and tell her Just how it is.
"That's 80, my dear, times are hard, she
says, and she gets up just a. good dinner ca
| If he had left her fifty dollars.
| He may come home tight at supper time,
but she is not shocked. She remarks that it
Is an unexpected pleasure to have him home
so early, and she pretends not to notice hls
stupid look. he sees three chairs where there
Is but one, and in trying to sit down he
strikes the floor like the tall Of derrick.
"Whazzer jaw THAT chair way for?" he
yells, and abe replies:
"Its that hole in the carpet knew you
would stumble r and she helps him up and
brings him . strong cup OF ten.
They do not keep q servant, end when cold
weather came she never thought OF plankinG
herself down in chair opposite him and say
ing:
'.Now then, you'll either get up and ligh
the fires or there won't be any lighted-marl
that, old baldhead r
No. she didn't resort to any such base anf
Nrannical measures. When daylight comes
she alps out of bed, makes two fires, warm
his socks and then, bending over him, sh'
whispers:
"Arise, darling, and greet the festive morn r
He's sick sometimes, and I've known tina
woman to coax him for two straight hours 9
take the doctors medicine, turn over his phi
low twenty-five times, keep wet cloth o.
his head, pare his corns down, and then wlsl
that she had quail to make him some soup
When he gets into fight down town ant
comes home with his ears bitten up and hi
nose pointed to the northeast, she inquire
how the horse happened TO run away Wit
him, and she says she is % thankful that b
wasn't killed. She has an excuse for any
: thing. and she never admits that anyone bu
herseif is to blame about anything. Lol
! bless her! hope she'll slip into Heaven an
never be asked question.