Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1874-04-03
HUMOR.

yet Wnen Sne Game 10 De cIOSS-oAttinllleu
by the opposite attorney, Hon. Henry
Smith, she quailed before his searching ex-
animation, and finally fell down in swoon.
The sympathies of every one were aroused,
and Mr.. Smith saw that he must do some
thing. The young lady's face was Of a
purple-red during her swoon. and SO, when
the next witness was called IA middle-aged
LADY,, Mr.. Smith said
witness, you saw the plaintiff flint
short time ago?
Yes SIR said the witness.
well, people turn pale when they faint,
do they not p
The witness hesitated moment, then
said : NO, not always
did YOU ever hear of case of fainting
where the party did not turn pale p
yes, sir
Did you ever see such case p
Yes sir
when p
about year ago.
where was it p
'In this city,
who was it p
'Twas a Niger
The plaintiff won the case.
Too REFINED FOR TEXAS SOCIETY,"
A few days ago wagon, drawn by yoke
of long-horned Texas cattle, halted Oh
Lafayette street, The wagon contained
good. looking woman, seven children, and
considerable plumber. A man, a small boy,
and dog that had run to tail, were the
adjuncts. The party were from Texas,
and were returning to their old home in
Decatur county. An alderman of the city
who had passed many years of his life in
the Lone Star State, approached the
wagon. He said to the woman: From
Texas, presume p yes, sir Didn't
YOU like the country p No, SIR Didn't
YOU like the climate p ooh, yes Did you
have good health out there?' Yes
Wasn't the land good p Yes How
about the crops p 'Oh, we made splendid
crops, We'll, then, ma am, what on earth
is your objection to Texas p why, sir,
she replied, 4 couldn't stand the society
in that rough country and then she
turned to the small boy, her son, and cried,
Sam, drive that dam dog out'en the dinner
pot P: don't you see he's got his nasty snout
into the vittils. Jackson Whig and Ir:-
5uae.
At Sunday-school examination an e'r-
ouent clergyman made q brief address to
the pupils on the necessity of obeying
their teachers and growing up loyal and
useful citizens. To emphasize his remarks
he pointed to large national flag spread
or one side of the room, and inquired,
Boys what is that flag for p A little ur-
chin who understood the condition of the
house better than the speaker, promptly
answered. ITO hide the dirt, SIR
A clergyman, at the examination Of the
young scholars of his Sunday school, put
the following question why did the
people of Isreal set up q golden calf 2
Because they hadn't money enough to set
up all OK, was the reply of a little chap,
who took dollar-and-ce view Of the
matter.
A small boy arose at a Sunday school
concert and began quite glibly "A certain
mali went down from Jerusalem to Jerco,
and fell-and fell there his memory be-
gan to fail HIM, and-and- by the
roadside, and the thorns sprang up and
choked him.
Two deacons once disputing about pro-
posed new graveyard, one remarked
sI'li never be buried In that ground as
long as live =
what an obstinate mani said the other
IF my life is spared, Twill
A new fashion in hair, which shows US
stumpy braid hanging down a lady's back,
is rude imitation of the Heather Chinee's
pigtail, only nothing like so neat and SYM
metrical. Besides, it is false, while the
Chinaman's is not.
Farewell. Susan-you have driven me to
the grave wrote John Larch, of Alaba-
ma, four years ago, and left the note on
the river bank. He was arrested the other
day in Cincinnati, living with another
woman.
During q recent freshet in Connecticut
an editor telegraphed another at the scene
Of action. Send me full particulars of the
food.' The answer came, You will find
them in Genesis
The Indians have invented new method
of scalping victims, so that now bald
headed man stands no more show than
any one else. This is as it should be-.
My son in paying your addresses to a
young lady, Won should always consult the
parents tifst-therefore before you pop the
question you should question the pop.
Think Of it, MI. Bohbs, the United
States drinks $900OO,oo0 worth of spirits
every yearl' (Bobbs, excitedly.l How /
wish was the United States!'
AS evidence that the late Willard Fill
more was not a truly great man, the fact
is urged that he had prepared no last
words.
Why was the whale that swallowed
Jonah like retired milkman? Because
he got profit lprophet) out of the water.
Another great Democratic victory =
triumphantly exclaims Western editor
abiding to the Bald mountain excitement.
A singular instance of scepticism is re
corded in the case Of the man who said the
Bible was too good TO be true.'
somnamby.lance is the latest name for
eeping car.