The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-05-22
GOOD POINTS.

II your Drain is on Hre DioY II
out.
Letting off Sleep" is a little
boys definition of snoring.
!. Epitaph for a cannibal-"One
who loved his fellow-mcn."
What nation is most likely to
succeed in q difficult enterprise:
Determination.
Why is a ship designed as "sher?
Because she alwas keeps a man on
the lookout.
Many of the daily papers say they
are opposed to imitation, and yet
they are constantly blowing up
people.
Newspaper readers do not like
to peruse Indifferent poetry by lit
tie girls-unless the little girls are
their own.
There is laughter in Chicago be-
cause st. Louis detective went
there and had his pocket picked
on horse car.
A country boy having heard of
sailors heaying anchors, wanted to
know if it was seasickness that
made them do it.
A Sunday school scholar being
asked what became of men who
deceived their fellow men, prompt
ly exclaimed, "They go to Eu-
rope"
A Philadelphia youth was re-
Gently married to girl who had
refused him eighteen times. He
wishes now he hadn't asked her
but seventeen.
A man was Boosting that he had
been married for twenty years and
had never given his wife a cross
word. Those who knew him say
he didn't dare to.
This summer ladies are going
ing to dress their hair as they did |
three hundred years ago, says an
exchange. This makes some of
the ladies pretty old.
: hard-money Congressman |
condensed his speech by holding 4 |
ten-dollar greenback in one hand |
and ten-dollar gold piece in the
other, and asking. Which will
yop have?"
Taking care Of q baby and sew
ing buttons on a wife's shoes were |
adduced, in trial the other day,
as evidence tending TO show a
husbands affection for a wife |
whom he subsequently shot.
In New Hampshire they value
SKINNED milk at two cents a quart |
for feeding pigs. The Courier
Journal says that in Louisville ten
cents quart is paid for the same
thing to feed babies with.
She lives in Douglas county,
Oregon; has been married eight
times, has eight living husbands,
and resides with none of them.
Her daughter, aged twcntythree,
with energetic emulation, has dis
posed OF three husbands
The PRINTERS AGAIN.-An ar
dent lover, pouring out his pas
sionate devotion in verse, spoke
of that night when, walking with
his sweetheart, he''kissed her under
the silent stars In print he was
made to say that he clicked her
under the cellar stairs"
In Truckce, Nevada, the other
day, group of five able
bodied individuals were convers-
ing about fire arms. One offered
to wager the drinks that there
were not three revolvers in the
crowd. The bet was taken, and
the result was six revolvcrs, three
derringers, and horse pistol.
Mr.. David Sinton, who recently
gave the Cincinnati Bethel $780,
600, has also requested the city
Council to designate Il suitable
improvement for the Fifth street
market space, between Main and
Walnut, to cost $4,000, and he
will contribute money for that
purpose.
There is gentleman by the
name of Martin Van Buren, Bates,
residing in the vicinity of Medina,
Ohio, who is seven feet eleven and
half inches in height, and
weighs AIS pounds. His wife is
eight feet in height, and weighs
AS pounds. They were married
in England in 1871. Who says
there are not giants in these days?
How TO CoSDICT A NEWSPAPER,