The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1874-05-22

uD4ldIs urluh, just Io Wy w oA.i'
good influence over him, but he'd drink
and drink so long as he'd got cent
left.
Well, / hadn't seen the doctor since
the war, and was really glad to meet
him again. He was looking very bad,
and was pretty we'll used up. He sat
down and told me what streak OF bad
luck he'd had, and wanted to know If
could get him job. Now, you see, /
wanted to help him along for the sake of
old times, but the more thought, the
less could see my way. All OF a sudden
| happened to think about the embalm-
ing business, and / says to him, "Have
YOU done any embalming lately?"
mo" says he, :" for the reason that
deceased corpses are all buried nova
days. l only wish / could get one that
the friends wanted to preserve" says
he. "By gosh," says L, CT can give
you job now, right off, embalming my
wife. She's laid out up stairs at this
very minute" Done" says the doc
tor. "And I'll make the prettiest job
out of her you ever saw yet"
You see, L wanted to put little mon
ey in an old friends pocket, and then L
calculated the job would cost a good
deal less than regular funeral. The
coffin would naturally be a dead loss,
since it had been ordered, and as it
wouldn't fit any of the children, who
were small enough to roll all around in
it, couldn't put it to any profitable
use. Still embalming her was cheaper
than burying her, so l told the doctor
to go ahead and do his best.
Well, it turned out as handsome a
corpse as ever | saw. 1 was real proud
of it. Her features were natural,
though she was so we'll done that she
sounded just like piece of stonework
when you tapped her with hammer OF
anything like that paid the doctor
so, and he went away contented,
and took my wife and set her up in
the dining-room just between the win.
dows.
Here my troubles began. The neigh
bors began to find fault, and said
showed sad want of feeling in setting
her up in the dining groom and showing
of her to every body that came in.
couldn't convince them to the contrary
and SO for the sake of avoiding strife
and contention, moved her into the
back hall after some of the young mel
had begun to talk about getting up 8
subscription to buy gallon of tar.
Things went along well enough for 6
while, when one day L found that the
children had got her into the back yard
under tent, and was exhibiting her fol
cent sight to all the children il
town. L just confscated the money
and gave my boys good thrashing
"Spoil spare child with the rod" say.
Solomon, land when he is old he won
depart from it. :" That's always my
motto, and try to live up to it. L phi
her up in the spare chamber this time
and locked her in. That night hearC
tremendous fall upstairs, and in the
morning there was my wife fallen ovel
into the washstand and all the crockery
smashed to pieces. Shed broke off hel
nose and one ear besides, and do my
best | could not stick them on agail
with glue or anything. She always die
stand very ticklish, and 1 often regret
ted that L hadn't asked the doctor tC
run pound or two of lead in her fee
just to keep her right side up.
After this L slowed Ter up in the gar
ret, but / couldn't get hired girl tC
stay IN the place on account OF heT.
thought one time I'd trade her to Bar
mum, but happening to mention it tc
some of the folks in town, they con.
WINGED me that it wouldn't be wise.
always did hate disorder and violence
The last thing 1 did was to put hei
out in the corn6eld last spring where
she would be useful in keeping away
crows, and looked real attractive be
sides. But the neighbors made another
row, and had to put her in the barn
I'd bury her gladly, only L split NJ
the coffin for tirewood, and it seems
extravagant to go and buy a coffin for
corpse that's been dead for going Oh
three years while there are so man,
charitable objects suffering for want O
the money. So l keep her out in tn,
barn, and for what / see she'll have t.
stay there. l thought at one time
could work her up for lime during on
whitewashing season, but writing to tn,
rilege, because there wasn't any lime
stone about her, however much sh,
might look like it.
L calculate, what with the cost of EN-
balming her, the things she'd broke b,
falling over on them, the cost of labo
in moving her backwards and forward
for she weighs six hundredweigh
easy-the embalming has s.ood me a
least thirty dollars. / could have burie'
her for twenty and had none of thi
bother besides. And that's why wan
to tell you never to embalm decease'
corpse in no circumstances. Neve
mind what the papers say. I've ha
experience in the business, and if
were to lose ten wives I'd bury ther
every one cheerfully rather than b
bothered with an embalmed one lum
bering up the house and fit for nothin