Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1874-01-01
STREET CAR SCENE.
me Professionally Drunk and the Casually
drunken Passenger-The Difference Be-
tween Them
From the Chicago 1nter.ooean.l

| 10 an accustomed traveller on the
street cars of the South Division
notably upon the State street cars
the cheerful red face Of the drunkard
las dlurnally familiar. He is at all
fumes eccentric--the drunkard-and
ltiightfuiy apt to say or do odd
things; but in the cars there are
brought to light some Of his pecuIi-
antics that bloom not elsewhere.
For Instance: he invariably regards
the vehicle from his stand upon the
curb with dubious and reflective as
&C.. lie 10 not sure which way ii is
going, how many of it there are, on
whether he wants to board it. By
the time he has Appropriated a ha-
~ conclusion upon these points, it
has passed him half block or so,
and then he realizes that his main
duty in life is to catch it. He whoops
and halloes at the driver, starts on
wabbling run, colides with every
thing in his career, and finally, to
to the CONSERVATION Of all 5eholders,
plunges for the rear door directly
across the front Of the equine which
draws another car, going the oppo-
site way. Reaching the step, he
jerks the door open, and as the con-
veyance lurches forward, is thrown
off his balance, ana sprawls, reeling
over the ladies, into q seat. Not un
frequently he to put IN piainly-is
odious. He carries with him Il sort
of aroma-a very ancient, fshliko
smell, whereof all els fellow. passen-
gers must sniff per force or walk
Should any one manifest dislike OF it
he is not slow to take offense, but
with glare malignant and corrugated
brow expresses some remarks in vig-
erous style. After that either he
goes to sleep or wakes more tiercoiy
Wroth, in either Of which cases the
gentlemanly driver feels constrained
to "put him off, whether or no he
has paid tare-and most likely be
has not. His removal is not always
task Of ease. 1t is usually pretac-
ed in about this fashion Of conversa-
ton:
Driver-Come now, you, gitright
outta here.
Drunkard-Well, now, thasalri.
evil you git oCtta here, or mus |
put you out"
"Wel, now, thasnuf. I'm josez
good amiDzyoure. III git out wen
| feeiket, an thasnuf"
Whereabouts the orderly driver
lays violent hands upon him, and
drags him rearward, without mach
difficulty. for he is weak with
strength" He will usually hang TO
tie door handle and 90 dragged d
rod or two on his back, but let's go
at last, and, daubed with few SAM
Piles of his parent planet more than
be took into the conveyance, his hat
battered over his nose, and that use
full organ ensanguined, staggers to
the walk with utter Indifference to
the heavy teams that threaten his
life and limbs at every tottering step
he takes. Arrived there, be is
presently taken into custody by an
unrufllod policeman who has contem-
plated his exit with the most philos-
ophic oalmuess. Next morning he is
interviewed in the spreading groves
OF Banyon, and appears in the papers
under the distinguished title Of
"drunk aad disorderly.'
Poor old drunkard He purchase
ed his miserable pleasure at a high
price, and is tho abhorred Of State
street. You never knew one Of him
to be run over or to suffer accident,
though the way bristles with dan
gers. There is Providence that has
shaped bis ends unbandsomely, but
it compensates him by imuDity from
bodily harm. Sober men fall down
stairs and have their nocks broken
Your drunkard rolls down a dozen
flights, and peacefully dozes off in
slumbor when he alights.
That is your professional drunkard.
The amateur is j different bird. 1t
was only two days ago Jones was
inJudicionsly full. Being painfully
aware of his inebrioty, he endeavored
to conceal it fromtthe public by
buttoning his coat up closely, impair
ting an abnormal Stiffness to his
knees, and tripping over his own
bells. He staked up TO State street
car at the corner Of Madison, walked
briskly 10, Just as tho horse started
forward and instantly tumbied out
again backward without unbending
a muscle. Straightway he recover
ed The upright splash with mud, and
re-entered, seating himself beside an
ACQUAINTANCE. making no sign Of his
mishap. Presently be turned to this
individual and queried:
"Klizshn?"
He considered moment, and then
again asked:
"Offtb, track?"
"No."