Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1874-08-15

urged to use my influence with her 10 inspire
confidence with Moulton and to lead her 10
take kinder view of Theodore. According
ly at the instance of Moulton on the same
February II, 1871, wrote letter on one
common purpose, to be shown to Mrs lllton
and to reconcile her to her husband, ana my
letter to her of that date was designed to ef-
feet the further or collateral purpose CT CIV
ing her confidence in Mr.. Moulton. This
will be obvious from the reading OF the let
tiers. The following is the full text OF my
letters of that date from copy verihed by
one of your committee, for have not to this
hour been permitted to see the originals, Ell
Their of them or of any other papers which |
had deposited with Moulton for safe keep
ing:
(Letter to Gomez
have no recollection of seeing, or hear
ing read, the letter of Mr.. Tilton Of the same
date. In my letter to Mrs. Tilton, alluded
to the fact that did not expect, when l saw
her last, to be alive many days. The state
ment stands connected with a series of symp-
toms which / first experienced in 1856
went through the Fremont campaign, speak
ing in the open air three hours at time,
three days in week. On reviewing my lit
erary labors felt must have given away,
and very seriously thought was going to
have apoplexy or paralysis, or something OF
the kind. On two or three occasions, while
preaching, should have fallen in the pulpit,
if had not held to the table, very often
came near falling in the streets. During the
last fifteen years, l have gone into the pull
pit, suppose one hundred times, with very
strong impression that should not come out
of it alive. l have preached more sermons
than any human being would believe, when
felt all the while that whatever had got to
say to my people must to say them then, or
would never have another chance to do so.
If had consulted a physician, his first ad-
vice would have been, "you must stop work,
but was in such a situation that could not
stop work. l read the best medical books on
symptoms of nervous prostration, and over
work, and paralysis, and formed my own
judgment Of my case. The three points
marked were, / must have good digestion,
good sleep, and must go on working. These
three things were to be recOnciled, and in
regard to my diet and stimulants, and medi
cine, made the most Thorough and searching
trial, and, as the result, managed my body 50
that could get the most work out of it with
out substantially impairing it. If l had said
word about this to my family it would have
brought such distress and anxiety, on the part
of my wife, as l could not bear / have for
many years SO steadily taxed my mind to the
utmost that there have been periods when
could not bear to have people express even
sympathy with me. To have my wife or
friends anxious about it, and showing it to
me, would be just the drop too much. In
1868 | came again into the same condition
just before going to England and it was one
of the reasons why was willing to go. The
war WAS at its height. | carried my country
in my heart. l had the Independent in
charge, and was working, preaching and lee
turing continually. l knew | was likely to
he prOstrated again.
In December, 1870, the sudden shock Of
these troubles brought on again those symp-
toms in a more violent form. | was very
much depressed in mind, and all the more be-
cause it was one of those things that l could
not say anything about. | was silent with
everybody. During the last four years these
symptoms had been repeatedly brought on by
my intense work, carried forward on the un-
derlying basis of SO much sorrow and trouble.
My friends will bear witness that in the pull
pit have very frequently alluded to my ex-
pectation Of sudden DEATH feel that have
been more than once already near stroke
that would have killed or paralyzed me, and
l carry with me now, as l have SO often car
ried in years before this trouble began, the
daily thought of death as door which might
open for me, at any moment, out of all cares
and labors into more welcome rest.
During the whole of the year 1871 l was
kept in state Of suspense and doubt, not
only as to the future of the family, for the
reason and happiness of which have striven
so earnestly, but also to the degree to
which l might personally be subject to attack
and misconstruction, and the trouble be
brought into the church and magnifed by
publicity. The officers of the church sought
to investigate Mr.. Tilton's religious views and
moral conduct, and on the latter point had
been deceived into belief that he was not in
fault. As to the religious views, | still hoped
for change for the better. and it was pro-
posed to drop him from the list of members
for nom attendance and as he asserted to me
his withdrawal, this might have been done;
but his wife still attended the church and
hoped for his restoration. / recollect having
with him conversation in which he dimly
intimated to me that he thought it not I'M
likely that he might go back into his old po
sition He seemed to be in mood to regret
the past, and so when | was urged by the
Examining Committee to take some steps l
said Il am not without hope, that by pa
tience and kindness, Tilton will come back
again iGto his old church work and be one
of US again" l therefore delayed decision
upon the point for long time. Many of our
members were anxious and impatient, and
there were many tokens of trouble from this
quarter.
Meanwhile, one wing of the Female Stuff
rage party had got hold of the story in a dis
torted and exaggerated form, such as had never
been intimated to me by Mr.. Tlton and his
friends. | did not then suspect what | now
know, and the most atrociously false rumors
originated with Mr.. Tlton himself. l only
saw the evil increasing instead of diminishing,
aud perceived that while l was pledged to ST.
lence, and therefore could not speak in my
own defence, some one was forever persever-
ing in falsehood, growing continually in d.
mansions, and these difficulties were immense
ly increased by the utilization of Mr.. Tilton
and the Woodruff clique. In May, 1871, Mrs.
Woodhull advertised as forthcoming an article
shadowing an account of Of the disturbance in
Mr.. Titon's family, but without using names.
1t was delayed ostensibly by Mr.. Tilton's in
huence with Mrs. Woodruff until November,
1872.
During this suspension of his publication
she became the heroine Of Mr.. Moulton and
Mr.. Tilton. She was made welcome to both
houses with the federation but not the cordial
consent of their wives. heard the most ex-
travigant eulogies upon her. She was repre-
scented as genius, born and reared among