The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1874-02-05
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less your sure ne can't get up.
Ifyou wish to hear anything further from
the Virginius drop her line. ft
An Illinois man has invented a steam ack.
ass. As if steam one were, necessary.
elbow Shots" is the head for "miscella.
neous,'' in the Indianapolis Sunday Herald
lfyou want to make hustle in the world,
take five newspapers and piece of tape.
In pocket-picking, as in everything else,
man never succeeds until he gets his hand
in. @
3 The Detroit Free Press Occupies column
in detailing its scoops" on other loea
journals of the town. 1t
A newspaper, published in q Western
State speaks of telegraph operators as jerk
ing the forked lightning.
'Came to his death while being hit on the
head with a long-handled stewpan in the
hands OF his wife," was the verdict in re
cent case in Ilineis.
"Closed in consequence of debt in the
family" is the communicative eannounce-
ment on the door of fugitive tradesman in
neighboring city.
An editor of many words characterizes a
self putting popular ballad singer" as "a
large-sizea fraud, a penurious, puffedup bag
Of gassy egotism,"
Tie stream of Christmas champagne seemed
to meander through the editorial columns of
the Gazette yesterday"
The Missouri Harrisenian adVertlses four
hundred and twenty cow-bells for sale, and
explains that it took them from q hardware
man in payment for job work
1t is stated that a new weekly paper, calls
ed the Jim and Eliza Journal, has be en-
started in Mississippi Jim and Eliza are
imposed to DE the editor and his wife.
The wickedest boy the VESTS now
reported ia Ohio, where he cut of three of
his toes in order that he might not receive
the benefits of the Sunday school instruc.
tion.
Rev. Gent.-'But you really can have no
serious reason 6y which to be parted from
your wife," Rustic-"Well, no, Sir. like
my wife we'll enough, but, you see, she don't
please mother"
a bachelor says If you hand lady news
paper with a paragraph cut out of it, not a
line oft will be read, but every bit of lnte-
rest felt in The paper by the lady will center
in finding out what the missing paragraph
contained. ....,
A farmer reading a journal to his wife in
which was the sentence: "The President
was received with three huzzas,' pronounced
the last word "hussies7 "More shame for
him. exclaimed the indignant and scandal
lied lady.
L
Boston ia lS49 to find their fortunes in Cali
fornia, and then hear Bret Harte call 'em
Argonauts, said q gentleman after the lee
ture, II must award to Bret the CT edit OF re
finin' whatever he Teaches
A certain farmer, having company at din
ner, was ambitious to make it appeap that he
was somebody Addressing his boy, he said:
"HaTe you driven those sheep in?" Yes, sir
care you sure you drove them ali in?'' :. Yes
sir; saw hin: jump over the bars " He had
but one
A wealthy farmer at Fulton N Y has this
notice posted up in his field IF aay mans
or woman's cows or oxen gits IN tlese air
oats. his or her head will be cut off, as the
case may be. a man eye am, and pay nv
takes contoolizAtion to a man who lots his
crtter run loose said eye"
roted horse jockey down east" was
awakened one night by violent thunder
storm Being somewhat timid he awok
his'wife with 'Wfe! wife! do you suppose the
Day Of Judgment has Gomez" "shGt up yon
foo!p was the ahecCionate reply; how can
the day ofJudgment comein the nfgGt?'
Bedford Pa, newspaper te IS oaa a ri
Who stands on hat busheI measure aud
gracefully shoulders three bushels Of wheat
To doubling editor IN an adjoining county,
the newspaper mentions me iact hAf Sue j,
a brunette, five feet nree ncnas oagInae;
that her gravity is two hQnAraa and twensY
five pounds end that she can wnjD aug ed Tor
In Cambria County.
A Paris journahteiIs the tprg u y ba<&a1.
who presented himself rpgnlsryat aacerl ~
coffee house with clarion aAaf lie nfn
Twin you allow me, $gen.l nens SAID 0e
in humble tone OF voice 10 sF 3v r mn ~