The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-03-28
A Happy Man.

A Happy Man.
We never knew more than one man who was
perfectly satisfied with the weather at all times
and under all circumstances. 1t was Chubb
In summer, when the thermometer boiled up
among the nineties, Chubb would come to the
front door with perspiratiOn standing out all over
his red face until his head would look like rasp-
berry and would look at the sky and say, 'Splen-
did-perfectly splendid Noble weather for the
poor and for the ice companies and the washer
woman They don't shake up any such weather
as this in Italy. Gimme umbrella, Harriet, while
/ sit out yer on the step and enjoy it,
In winter, when the murcury would creep
severe enough 20 freeze the inside Of Vesuvius
solid to the center of the globe, Chubb would sit
n fence aud excaim, BY Jingo! Did you
ever see sucn weather this? like the atmos-
phere that freezes up your very marrer. 1t helps
the coal trade and keeps the snakes quiet. Don't
talk Of summer time to me. Gimme cold, and
give it TO me stiff
When there was drought Chubb used to meet
US in the street and remark, f" No rain yet L see
MagnIfeent, isntit :? want my weather dry;
| want it with the dampness left out. Moisture
breeds fever and ague, and vets your clothes. If
there is anything despise it's carrying an um-
breIla. No rain for me, if you please"
When 1t rained for week and swamped the
country, Chubb often dropped in to see and TO
observe. 9 L dunno how You feel about this rain,
but It always seems 10 me tn0L the heavens never
drop bla-siBsss- bs't 'vhSa have a long wet
spell. IL makes the corn jump, and cleans the
sewers. / wouldn't give cent TO live in a land
where there was no rain. Put me on the Milo,
and I'd die in a week Soak through and
through to the inside of my undershirt, and feel
as if life was bright and beautiful, and sorrer
nothing but nonsense"
Chubb was almost happy in thunder storm.
lie would say, " Put me in a thunder storm, and
let the lghtnin' play around me, and IN at home.
har haze Gfn hat de
out Of the continent than dozen of yer little
driblin', waterin-pOt showers. 1t can't have
a ripin' and a rOarin' storm, don't want none.
One day Chubb was upon his roof fixing shin
gle when tornado struck him, lifted him of,
carried HIM quarter of mile, and dashed him
with such terrible force against fence that his
leg was broken. As they carried him home we
met him, and asking him how he felt he opened
his eyes and languidly said, a. Immortal powers!
what a storm that was When it does blow to
suit the senior member of the Chubb family it
blows hard I'D give both my legs If we could
have squaIl like that every day. II" Then
he tainted.
We want Chubb elected President. lie is the
only man in the universe who don't growl Mt the
weather, and he ought to have glory and honor.
ASKED To BE FoRGvEN.-During a revival at
Green Bay, WIS, a citizen arose, and asked to be
forgiven for having been subscriber to the Chi
cngO Times for nineteen years.
HIS INTENTIoN-A Southern editor announces
his intention Of securing hall, If one OF sufficient
dimensions be found, for the purpose of hold
ing a convention of the authors of g Beautiful
snow.
UsED 10 IT.-COuld anything be neater than
the old darky's reply to beautiful young lady
whom he offered to lilt over the gutter, and who
insisted that she was too heavy? Lor, missus,
said he, I'm used to lifting barrels of sugar.
IN E.RruLY PARADIsE-An enthusiastic Afri-
I,T do in Il Evff
found il an earthly Paradise. He said he could
- lie abed, and, putting his out de windy
pick oranges, pine-appIes, and Jamaky rum right
of de trees.
WASN'T QUITE CERTAIN.-A young man being
asked by Judge whether he had a father and
mother, said he wasn't quite certain whether he
had or not First his father died, and then his
mother married again, and then his mother died
and his father married again; and now he dIdn' {
exactly know whether they were his father and
mother or not
STRONG IxDIcrMENr.-The following is an in
dictment against strong drink;
PimpIe-maker, visage-bIoater.
Sl.eS9lTIPtTi Tise iels55 SIo6,eT Tst
Creiit-spoiler, devils bait
AinIshouse-builder pauper-maker.
Pocket enptier. Sabbath-breaker
Ccuscience-sIiher, quilts recourse
I,fpossIRIy.-The editor of the Truckee Repu5-
Iican having hinted that some one in the town was
engaged in sheep-stealing, was visited by about
half the inhabitants, armed with shotguns, re-
yolvers and .. sich, =" all Indignantly demanding II
lie meant them. Which occasions the editor tC
remark. -. Ii is impossible to edit local news
paper in 4 town as large and important as Trucket
without treading somebody's corns-"
HIS ORDERs.-.' Tickets, sir said a conductor
at a railway terminus in the city 10 a gentleman
who, having been season tcket-hOlder Tor SOME
time believed his face was so well known thai
there was need for him show his ticket
- Ny face j. nv ticket replied the gentleman,
little ANNOYED. - Indeed " said the conductor
rolling back mis- WTistband aud displaying mos
powerful fist. :. Well. my orders to punci
ali tickets passing Oh this platform
APPLAUDINC IN COURT.-Thc dignity Of
Georgia court having been affrOnted by Hp
plaudIng stranger, the Judge somewhat vehemently
remarked: - Now, dry that up; / will let yor
know that this Is no camp-meetlng for exuberat
ing your enthusiasm; this court should be re
specJed At the risk OF Outraging the seventeenth
commandment to the Constitution; and If yOI
open your hy-trap or Tat-a-pat with your numbei
fourteen brOgnns again, will send you TO jail lO
thirty days, where you Will remain without the
benefit Of n damuum Obsque IniuTis -