Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-11-25
Humorous.

ltAIkoI oAsS
The devotion of woman is always
something beautiful. On the last rainy
days the dovecote man might have been
seen dragging his portable aviary
through crowded streets to a place of
shelter, and his wife trudgirg behind,
in mud ankle-deep, anxious to bear her
share in advancing his fortunes. This
was touching. But then there goes
Mrs. Shoddy, whose devotion is equally
pronounced, though of a different ma
ture. 1t is devotion to shopping, and
no elemental rage will prevent that
worthy woman, any more than the first
named, from putting Oh that Paris hat
and most of the jewelry her husband
has succeeded in securing for her. and
trudging about in the rain to bear her
share in securing his fortune in silks
and laces which will be real credit to.
him.
DAN DAVIS, of Virginia City, paid a
visit to PromOntory, on the Central
Pacific Railroad, and was charmed with
the manners and customs, almost patri-
archal in their frank simplicity, of the
people. He stopped at the principal
hotel of the town. 1t was a nice place,
and the landlord was a very agreeable
and friendly sort of man. Says Dan ::
''When dinner was ready the landlord
came out into the street in front of his
hotel with double-barrelled shot gun.
Raising the gun above his head he fired
off one barrel. 1 said to him. what
did you do that for? Said he, TO call
my boarders to dinner 1 said, why
don't you fire off both barrels 2 oh,
said he, Il keep the other to collect
with"
If YOU want to see how beautiful
your wife looks when she's angry, sug-
gest that the young lady who lives
across the street, and who always sits
at the window with her fore finger
pressed to her temple and a pensive
smile on her face while you are smoking
your evening cigar. is the handsomest
woman you ever saw. Take care that
your head isn't out of the window when
you make the remark. This was the
situation with Mr.. Spellbacker the
other evening. The window came down
so rapidly that he hadn't time to get all
his head in, and he doesn't look well
half scalped.
AT A LATE assize in ireland two men
were condemned to be hanged. On
receiving sentence, one of them adj
dressed the Judge, and said he had two
favors to ask of him. "What are they ?"
inquired his lordship. "Plase, your
honor" said Pat, will you let me hang
this man before am hanged myself ?"
''What is the other request? ?" said the
judge. "Why, phase your honor, will
You let my wife hang me for she will
do it more tenderly than the hangman
and then what she will receive for the
job will help the poor crater to pay her
rent"
In ONE of the Paris prisons convict,
who for good behavior was given some
liberty and waited on more privileged
prisoners, requested one of these, as a
great favor, to procure him pack of
cards. "What do you want cards for ?"
"Why, my fingers by so many weeks.of
idleness will be quite out of practice,
and when 1 leave the prison l won't be
able to earn my living"
"WHAT are you doing now p askei a
New England man upon entering MIR.
IS studio in Rome unannounced.
"Just at present." replied the sculptor,
who was washing his hands, 81 am
performing requisite ablution. "Re-
quisite ablution - exclaimed the New
Englander, 81 never heard of such
statue let's have look at it ~
(SCENE, a stout old gentleman and
his wife gazing at their children, a pair
of twins, who are encircled in each
others arms, in the cradle.)
''Do look at them, husband amt
they a precious pair of lambs ?"
Husband very innocently)-If they
are precious pair of lambs, pray, tell
me, love, what am I?
The following inscription may be
seen on the wall of an eating house at
Fort Howard, on the line of the Chicago
and Northwestern Railway "All meals
taken in this house will be 70 cents,
regardless of age, sex, business, nation
ality, politics, religion, or previous
occupation or condition of servitude."
A LECTURER wishing to explain to a
little girl the manner in which lobster
casts his shell when he has outgrown it,
said: "What do you do when you
have outgrown your clothes? You throw
them aside don't you?" "Oh, no, re-
piled the little one Eve let out the
tucks."
ExAGGERATION.-Ama man was brought
before Lord Mansfield charged with
stealing a silver ladle, and the counsel
for the Crown was rather severe upon
he prisoner for being an attorney.
Come, come" said his lordship,
"don't exaggerate matters"
"WHAT! you take your mother-in-
law out shOoting?" says a French
sportsman in one of CHAINS pictures to
another aportsman. "Yes, is the reply,
with tive-dollar gun that 1 have
presented her-there is no knowing
what may happen"
A GENTLEMAN. named Dunlop, re-
marked that he had never heard his
name punned upon, and did not believe
it could be done. ''There is nothing in |
the world more easy, SIR" remarked
punster. 'Just lop off half the name,
and it is Dun."
BUs-to kiss. Rsbus-to kiss again. !
= two girls kissing each
other. Omnibus kiss all the girls !