The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-11-21
VARIETY.


10 Hong Kong they say there are many mill
ioDElrcs. Why not call them China Astors.
A fashion writer says 80 In trowsers there ia
little or no change" Alas too true too true
The other night Jawge thought he would sere-
made his little sweetness, wtO lives on Prairie
avenue. Accordingly, arming himself with the
conventional guitar, he sailed forth to the resi-
dence Of Maude. He toiled through two verses
q q sentimental ballad, and had just reached q p
"oh' there's an aching void in my heart dearest
when the old man let the large Newfoundland
dog loose. who commenced to MUNICH Jawge's
calves, and took away about a pound of flesh
And now that 81 aching void is not in his heart
but in his left leg, and that dog licks his chops
with a serene expression OF eountenance which
seems to say, Z" Come again some other night
They had what they call an awkward man ON
n jury down in Maine the other day. 1t seems the
case involved a claim for money for building a
cellar, and the number of perches Of stone used
were specified. But this awkward man, as it
CHANGED, knew something by experience about
bnilding sionegalis, and this little item was not
quite clear to him. 30 when the jury went out
he took hIs pencil and quietly ciphered a little
while at the table, and then, in the most matter
of fact way, told bis fellOw-jurors that, as he
made it, there was enough stone put into those
cellar-walls TO fll the cellar completely up and
have some three or four perch Of stone left and
he was puzzled 10 know where they put their |
potatoes and garden sass.
About a century ago, say the London Ather- |
RL1t, it was no uncommon practice the part |
OF 80 fast men" to drink bumpers to the health of
a lady ont Of her shoe. The Earl Of Cork In an /
amusing paper in the COHnOiSSelD, relates an IN
edent OF this kind and to carry the compliment |
still further, he states that the shoe was ordered
To be dressed and to be served up for supper. |
{" The cook seriously set himself to work upon it;
he pulled the upper part (Which was of fine da- |
maskl into fine shreds, and tossed them in q /
ragOtE, minced the soes, cut the wooden heel into
slices, fried them in butter, and placed them /
round the dish for garnish.s The company testi-
fed their affection for the young lady by eating |
heartily of this exquisite imPromPfu."
SARAToGA-This morning, writes Eli Per-
kins," n well-known Boston man sat down by |
Senator Robertson, an old and proud resident Of |
South Carolina, the balcony of the States and |
commenced ingratiating himself in the Southern |
er's feelings.
- tell you, sir, South Carolina is a great |
State, SIR remarked Senator Robertson, enthu-
siastiealiy.
Yes said the stranger from Boston, " she !
as. l knew good many people down there my
self; and splendid people they were. too; as |
brave and high-toned as the HuguenOts."
s.You did sir "a g
.sOh! yes, sir. knew some of the greatest
men your State ever saw, sir. Knew 'em init |
mately, sir,' continued the Boston man, conf |
dentially drawing his chair closer and lighting |
his cigar.
Who did you know down there, sir, in the |
old Palmetto State?'' asked the SOutherner.
well, siF, knew General Sherman and Gen |
eral Kilpatrick and''-
Great guns 80 interrupted the South Carroll |
Hian. and then threw down his cigar and said |
but, well, never mind. .lt+-z- %&e
Henry Ward Beecher was asked, g hat can /
we do for a friend for whom we have prayed a |
long time and all we can say or do only makes |
him more deternined to have his owD way?" |
And Mr.. Beecher made this reply:
Nobody likes to live in atmosphere Of in |
eessant reproof. If you want to win his heart |
and melt his opposition, do not dnrken his life /
by making him feel, even by your looks or air, |
that Won are groaning over him as a miserable |
sinner. Make his life of JOY; let your piety be |
full Of sweetness and light show the utmost ap- |
probation Of his good qualities, and be patient.
The case, as you state it, is not very bad one
IL il an entire sermon, and one of the best that
ever came from even Mr.. Beecher.
Be You on the police force?' inquired a |
diapidated man rs me entered the Central Station,
Saturday and addressed a sergeant. He was in /
formed that such was the case, when he con- |
tinuued Well, I'm clean tuckered out. It's /
that wife Of mine. I'm fOOl-a blasted old fool, |
sir I'm fifty and she's twenty.
e. She wants to CAD and want to stay at home, /
and Il say a word it's the teapot, hat-iron, or |
whatever comes handy. have argued, and |
seolded, and scolded and ft, and here | am.
Look at this black eye, Look at me all over, |
mister police force, Once was happy, now /
am busted She wants me to go to every picnic |
and excursion and festival and dance, and it's /
killing me by inches.
Then she wants n new dress to-day, bonnet |
Tomorrow, a hustle next day, ar 30 on, and I've |
got 10 get EN- or have fight. I've stood 1t all |
along, but I'm broken now. See that ere arm |
see where she put her teeth in thar this morn
ing when would not Iet her have money 90 buy |
r. 1aIr Of highheeled shoes. just lay yer eyes on /
tbst air sr-lr. mister police force -
.sIt's pretty tough" said the sergeant, as he
looked. .. =,
:. Tough ; Great heavens it's awful, perfectly |
awful 20 bite me in that way" continued the old
man But the end has come I've got re-
Iasbuns over thar who wOuldn see me abused,
and she's welcume to what's in the house. IL |
anv one comes around here sayin We committed
suicide or disappeared, just tell them how It Is,
misrsr rr1lice F0rce-teIl em suffered until had
% Leave her or die. Tell everybody to beware oil
her. she looks nice. but she's virago, q hIper-
crit-a regular yaIler fox behind the currant
bushes .-.-t. Hid |
The sergeant promised, and the old man roileo
down bis sleeves and pursued his journey toward
the Ierrv.-Defroif Free Press.