The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1874-06-30
SCANDAL.
How village was Freed from a
ID Pest.

How village was Freed from a
b. Pest.
The substance of the following is no
fiction. In neighboring village-whose
inhabitants, like the good people of
Athens, we're much given to "either tel
ling or hearing something new"-livesi
Squire P, facetious, good sort of a
Epody, whose jokes are even yet matter
tof village record, and have been told and
retold through various editions, from
folio down to dnodecimo.
Aunt Lizzie was Deacon Snipe's wife's
sister-a maiden of about fifty. She
| vent to all The meetings, kept regular
account of every birth, death and MARI
age, doctored the babies, showed the
Iasaung married ladies how to make soap,
Iand when they had bad luck made every
child in the house sit cross-legged until
the bad luck changed for the better In
Gue, she was the village factotum-spent
her time in going from house to house,
grinding out grist Of SANDER to each,
as the occasion required, but always
concluding with "the way Of the trans
gressor is hard" Poor Mrs A. or B.,
as the case might be, pity her from tie
bottom OF my heart, or some other
soothing reflection. Aunt Lizzie was
always very fond of asking people the
estate of their minds" etc. These ques
tions were generally followed by string
of scandal that was calculated to destroy
the peace and happiness of her best
friends. But she. like other narrators of
this kind, considered this intellectual
murder as either establishing her own
reputation, or as the best means of en-
tertaining the good people of the village,
and thereby rendering her society agree
able.
One warm summers afternoon as The
Squire was sitting near the door smok-
ing his pipe, Aunt Lizzie was passing by
with great speed, Illuminating on the news
of the day, when the Squire suddenly
brought her to, as the sailors say, by
whats your hurry, Aunt Lizzie3 Walk
in." The old lady, who never wanted a
second invitation, went into the Office
where the following conversation took
lplace:
"Well, Squire P, I've been thinking
this forenoon what useful man you
might be, if you'd only leave off youl
light conversation, as the good book
says, and become serious man. You
might become an ornament to the church
and state, as the preacher says"
"Why, now, you see, Aunt Lizzie, .
cheerful countenance l consider as th'
best index to grateful heart, and yol
know what the Bible says on that, 'Wher
ye fast be ye not like the hypocrites, O
sad countenance ;but annoint thy heat
and wash thy face, (Aunt Lizzie begal
to feel for her pocket handkerchief, 70
she was taker of snuff that thou ap
pearest not unto men to fast
ztsNews there, Squire, that's just wha
| told you; see how you have the Scrip
, ture at your tongues end; what a usefu
! man you might be in any church, if yo
would only be doer as we'll as heare
of that good word"
GAS to that Aunt Lizzie, l don't Sc
that you professors. as you call them, ar
a whit better than am in private life.
respect sincere professor as much q
any man, but know enough OF one, tina
she is no better than she might be-"
At these inuendoes, Aunt Lizzie
black eyes began to twinkle. She sa
down beside the Squire in order t.
speak in lower tone, spread her hand
kerchief over her lap, and began to tar
the cover Of her snuff box in true style
and all things being in readiness for
regular siege of scandalum magnatw,sh
! commenced her fire.
, The Squire, finding that curiosity wa:
putting on his boots. had no occasion t
{ add spurs to his heels, for the old lad
, had one in her head that was worth tw,
, of them. Accordingly he had no peac
until he had consented to explain wha
, he meant by the expression sin private.
This was dear word to Aunt Lizzie.
"Now, Aunt Lizzie, will you take
Bible oath that you will never communi
cate what am about to tell you to liv
ing being that you will keep it as tn
most inviola5le secret ?"
"Yes, Squire, 1 declare won't neve
tell anybody nothing about it as long d
l breathe the breath of life; and I'll tax
Bible oath of it, there, sartin as 1 live
before you or any other magistrate il
the whole country" ,....,
"Well, then, you know when went tt
, Boston year ago ?"
"Yes, and know who went with you
too-Susan B, and Dolly F. and he
sister Prudence"
"Never mind who went with me, Aun
Lizzie, there was whole lot of passen
, ers-but-but-''
"None of your butts, Squire; out witt
it; if folks will act so "a trollop."
, "But, Aunt Lizzie, l am afraid you'll
!, bring me into scrape"
J, IL told you over and over again tina
, nobody shall ever know nothing abou
it, and your wife knows am not leaky
"My wife? / would not have he
know what l am about to tell you 70
, the world-why, Aunt Lizzie, if sh
should know it"
, "Well, don't be afraid, Squire; one
!, for all III take an oath that no livin
: critter shall never as long as l live kno'
lisp ont"
well then, Aunt Lizzie, if you mu;
! know it-I slept with one of your like
: liest young church members more tina
e half the way up"
f Aunt Lizzie drew long breath, shu
up her snuff-box and put it iu her pock
a ct, muttering to herself: "One of til
likeliest of our young church members
I think it must be Susan B. Likeliest
5 this comes of being iattered-a trollo
g well, one thing know, 'the way {
t the transgressor is hard'-but / hop
you'll tell nobody ont, Squire, for sal
a tain as the world, if such thing shoul
}, be krown, our church would be scatte
! abroad like sheep without shepherd" }"
e In a few minutes Aunt Lizzie took he
: departure, giving the Squire another cat
ton and wink, as she said, "Good by
let me alone for a secret"
e 1t was not many days before 'SquiI
$ P. received very polite invitation frol
u Parson G., requesting him to attend
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