, 1874-08-30

AIA NuE QHu EC1TN DC Rlatl.
NALyEz SrEScE PA1uEu.
Hu51eR.
Western railroad warning-Look out for the
Indian when the bell rings.
Goldsmith Maid is d musical mare. She
can beat her own time.
The coal merchants farorite aphorism-
One good ton deserves another.
-Undertakcr's motto-Circumstancca alter
burial cascs.
Tile hardest thing to deal wish-An old pack
OF cards.
Why is D. son who objects to his mothers
second marriage like an exhausted pedestrian +?
Because he can't ''go" & step-father.
Why has hog the most brains Of al tho
animals? Because ho has i hogs head full Of
thom.
What is wanted in Kansas Is moro telegraph
po5e poes Ihs RGe holds
"A little girl sad Of her ll-tempered uucle !:
81 He HASN'T got single laugh in lis face"
A Cape May youth used tho deods Of his
fathers farm for gun-wads. The stamp on tho
bottom wasn't anything like the impression the
old man mado on tho eane part Of the lads
anatomy.
IT is trne there is nothing like advertising,
but public officer. with nothing but hiR salary
of $4,000 year to 1--we on, should be careful
not to girc his wife moro thaa 50, 900 worth Of
diamonds q. J. time.
a Milwaukee, man stated that he really need
cd some active. regular exercise. L friend eug-
gested that he mix Ills own cocktails.
A young man asked for d copy OF Homer's
odyssey" At Il bookstore in Norwich, Conn.,,
the other day, and tho clerk not finding it, re-
marked in E reflective Way, "Well, we haven't
any of Homer's latest works in at present."
Il now game called 'Grnnger seyen-up" is
announced. Three persons play for can Of
oysters. The first man out gets the OYSTERS fLo
Jatf E+kf fEa and In r.
die man don't get anything.
There is one recent decision OF the Treasury
Department ir which thankful public, or liza
adult portion of it at least, will readily acquieacc
It is that chdren's whistles, tin horns, etc, are
tuot musical instrun CUTS"
-3Iius1rel troupes now dispenso with !" mid
d'e-mcu " while performing in the country, i'll
Difference to the Grangcrr. This is reaso11-
aL!e rs 70 dispense vitn " bones" in Difference
to crennslonsts.
~ rustic couple. newly married. marched in
to . drug stere and called for eodk-rnter, I'll.
oblig1ng clerk inquired what airup they would
have in it, viion The swain, deliberately leaning
over the counter. replied 81 Stranger, money Ii
70 oLjcct to me put sugar in it.
Lord Braxfeld, L Scotch Judge, once said to
An eloquent cul2rit at tho bnr, '' 'Ie're vera
clever chicI, iaor, but I'm thinking 5e wad be
none the waur O . hanging
An entcrprislng reporter in Arkansas, who
WAS laseiy sentenced to the Slate prison for
continued on the journal IS reuitentiary CORE
spondent.
a farmer near Prairie City complains that !
hook-and-ladder company has been organized in
his ncighborIlood. He states that the ladder is
used al ler dark for climbing into his chicken
housc, after which tho hooking is done.
A temperance advocate at one Of our police
stations asked man who had been arrested on
tho charge Of intoxication II he, the arrested
man, did not think it a bad thing to get drunk.
- Yee," replied the swell-head. "but it's not
half so bad as getting sober"
Ono meets with an ine1l1austible variety Of
characters among the 10000 people now congre-
gated here. One is the young Indy OF 40. who
has gone back to short clothes aud pantnlsttes,
and who lisps to u gentleman: i" 3lnna1na says
on either sido represents her departed teeth
Saratoga letter.
"A lady sitting in her parlor, and engaged in
the dreamy contemplation OF the moNstache Of
the Young gentleman who WAS to escort he7 and
her sister to a musical festival, WAS suddenly
awakened by an ominous whisper in juvenile
voice ct the door, You've got AIMS teeth. snd
eLe wants en-
in little town in Missouri . lady teacher
wes exercising class of Juveniles IN mental
arithmetic She commenced tbs question: "n
yot, buy COW for SO when up came little
hard. :" What is it, Johnny?" .'Why, you can't
b1,y no kind Of q COW for $40. Father sold one
or $50, the other day, and she was regular old
scrub At that"
-"Nercr bet On a horse-race, my sou. 1t ID
wrong to bet, and, besides, tile horse that ought
to win is likely, in nine out o. ten cases, M 10 %
to tho rear. Do not bet al al, my con;
but, if you bet On horses, get acquainted with
the riders in advance Of the contest, and see how
the thing is coming out"
Tile pounding OF the stomach for the cure
Of dyspepsia was the cause OF . Pood joke the
othcr day. Two men we're describing what they
yonr ston,achs' "1-1-couldnt get. along
without ii" responded the other, in the last
stage OF astonlshment.
"A Terra Haute teacher named Joab went
out for ride and a day Of pleasure. lie got u.
In attempting to ford river he was neaT'y
drowned. and then he drove over sseep oann M
feet higll, the horse and wagon rolling over nun
and nearly wreckipg tho whole business. Haf-
ng repaired damages, he started for nome. OUT
had not got far when he Was waylad by h1sh,
Tarman- He stated his case to the 1oospao' anu
Is ho had no money. was not roboeo-
An accommodation train between 1amez- 1!.eis
own and Lake View was the scene OF little
Incident on Thursday. ''You don't think that the
,oy is 11udor 10, hey and you won't pass him Tor
laH fare? Just look at that, WILL yef ana
rom out the old capet-bag the old lady With
rambling oagorness, brought 1no nsne"usa raa,'eo9
OF births and deaths, held it triumphanur up |
1ndcr the conductors pose, with, ''Does that
onk as though was liar, young man WIN
uch testimony before his eyes. the CONDUCTOR
ouId do no less than pass the boy 1of nan lure
nd subdued applause from me pora naner te}1s
,ood story: Monsieur S. enters 2 oaspeks
hon to be suayad. and the barber, as i6 CUSTOM |
~. begins = conversation. "Ah, Monsleuf;
avs ho, "do0't ta1k to me about thas horI1nle
;oTld." "Bah." ..Yes on the 18th the beasts
iii die and an the 20th it will be tho human