The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-05-23
VARIETY.


transactions in hair - means a street-fght
in Detroit.
The color of the wind was discovered by the
man who went out and found il blew.
The editor of Texas paper acknowledges the
receipt Of two beautiful Indian seaIps.
4 patent iron coffin dealer adgertises that those
who have used his invention once will use no other
Say, Sambo, did you cher see de Catskill
Mountains - No, 1 neber did; but have
seen dem kiil mice"
Next to the sweetness Of having friend whom
you trust is the convenience of possessing
friend who will occasionally trust you.
'' Husband, where shall get the ticking for
our new feather bed2'' ANY place where you
get the tick"
John Reeves said to hIs boy, when shaving
proved difficulty g John, 1 wish YOU would
not open any more oysters with my razors.''
An old woman in Durham, England, claims
1ea b Sr aoanf aaf as ef5 e sss Sns 5 dlz hgana Sea m
The grangers Of Illinois turn out to dig the
graves Of deceased brothers, thus preventing ex-
tOrtiOn the part Of that - middleman,' the
sexton.
An undertaken in Minnesota, wishing to sell
out, presents an indueement to inquirers that a
young doctor Of nOn-experience has just settled
in the town.
The Cincinnati CoHmerciGi says the best way
90 keep the lid snugly on a tea kettle full of
boiling water is to sit on it. Few people would
have ever thought Of that
Jack, who is at boarding school in the coun-
try, writes home - Please send me good trap
to catch wOOdchuck, and n piece Of carpet for
me to say my prayers on
Retributive justice sometimes follows faster
than We could expect. An eyil-minded Brooklyn
boy propelled SNOWFALL ut his aunt and dOdging
into a neighbOFing area, sat down on n scuttle
full Of hot ashes.
Old Gent - You don't mean to tell me,
waiter, that you can't give me n tOOthpickP'
Waiter - Well, SIR, we used to keep 'em, but
the gents almost invariably took 'em away when
they'd done with EN-"
A stingy husband accounted for all the blame
of the lawlessness Of his children IN company, by
saying his wife always gave them their own way.
% Poor things It's all | have to give them,'
was the prompt reply
The latest contribution to the lexicography of
the future is the following, by the New York
World. Buttle, a.. a.: to eOnniye at blackmail-
ing merchants and plundering the Treasury.
Butler, s.. one who buttles-
The Des Moines Register says the good things
at Governor Carpenters reception " displayed
the culinary skill of Nirs. Carpenter Which
is very like the man who always stopped at the
Astnr House when he went to New York, " be-
cause Mrs. Astor was such good cook.
..Isee. - said young lady, a. that some printers
adyertises blank declarations for sale; i wish
could get one" Why2'' asked the mother.
Because, ina, Mr.. c. is too modest to ask
me 10 marry him and, perhaps, If | should I'LL
up blank declantiOn, he would sign it."
.sHE WANTED, ETC, AND THERE He Is.''-Sat-
urday policeman in the western part OF Detroit
heard that n citizen Of Twelfth street had been
badiv injured and he called at tine house TO
obtain particulars He found the man lying
up0n the lounge, his head bound up and his face
badly scratched, and he asked - What's the
matter did he get or fall down stairs :? "
No not exactly replied his wife, - but he
wanted to run the house his way, and wanted
to run 1t my way, and there be Is.
Buffers JoKEs.-C. c. F. writes to the Balti-
more American from New Orleans 80 General
Butler has left engraven, IN enduring granite,
several pungent jokes he perpetrated while IN
command Of this city. One of these Is on the
base Of the equestrian bronze statue of General
Jackson One morning, when the curses OF the
ne1rle were lOudest and deepest, n stOne-cutter,
Guarded by n file of soldiers, was observed IN
jackson Square commencing work with his chisel.
No one knew in what way he was about to desc
crate the monument of the hero OF New Orleans,
and each letter was watched rs IL appeared on
th. base until the declaration which made him
famous The Union must and shall be pre-
served was spelled out by the people. y short
time afterward the workman, similarly guarded,
apuroached thc bronze monument Of Henry Clay,
on Canal street, and soon cut deep and dis
tinct in the granite block, Immediately under the
foot Of the statue the following extract from one
Of the greatest speeches OF the Kentucky states
!. man If could be instrumental in eradicating
: this deep stain-slayery-frOm the character of
our country, 1 would not exchange the proud sat
isfaction which should enjoy for all the triumph
seyer achieved by the most successful conqueror.
: Little dId those who erected these monuments
lever EXPECT to see such inscriptions upon them
kbut although they gnashed their teeth at the
time, they now regard the inscriptions as not
z altogether out of place, in view of the changes
chat have been wrought by fraternal war The
ueople have got used to them, and now laugh at
these grim iokes Of the erratic Butler