The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1874-12-31

VARIETY


Even the LATEST boy can catch lick
ing. IA u,
A scar nobly got is good livery of
honor
voluntary abduction" is what Wes.
tern paper calls an elopement.
Anlarhless Milwaukee woman boxes
her husbands ears with her feet,
Fire is said to be very dissipated ele-
ment, because it goes out almost every
night.
When inhn calls youla liar, take him
BY the handlan Sall BiThTa gentleman.
When boy becomes bent 6n'going to
sea he should be Strengthened out before
the mast.
Henry Clay describes a mule as an an.
imal that has no pride of ancestry and
no hope of posterity."
A man of considerable capacity" in
Cincinnati, is a man who can eat his six
or seven pounds of pork day. ,.,
Aliyely frog in the interior of "a grow
ing thrnfp IS The latest product of JOUR
nalistic Ingenuity at Salt Lake City.
"Of she goes!" said a lady. "You have
mistaken the gender" said gentleman,
this is the mail train"
The man who sang "0h breathe no
more that simple air, " wentinto the smok-
ing car, where it was more mixed.
A Niagara county man asked to be ex-,
cused from serving as juror the other
day, because his mother-in-law was
siCkP II Igr}
A French preacher describes hell as
place where they talk politics 'all day.
What they do at night he does not re-.
port.
Somebody advertises a preparation for
keeping q lady's hands free ffom chaps.
A report that she has no money would do
the same thing.
Nothing will sooner tempt bachelor
to abandon his resolution to marry than
to sleep in the adjoining room toa couple
with colicky baby.
, 1t is said that bleedinga partially blind
horse at the nose will restore him to
sight; 50 much for the horse To open
mans eyes you must bleed him in the
pocket,
"When put my foot down, Ill have
you to understand" said Mrs. Nojoker,
"that there's something there On in
Vestigation it was found to be No. II
shoe.
A wag in "what he knows about farm
ing" gives very good plan to remove
widows weeds, He says a good-looking
man has only to say wilt thou" rnd
they wilt.
The maddest kind of a woman is one
who spends half hour arranging her
toilet before descending to the parlor on
the arrival of "a visitor-who proves to be
a book agent. .,.. ....
Miss Bacon, who lived out west, knew
Beans and married him. The occasion,
however, is far to serious for the perpe-
tratiOn ofa single one of those too palp
BILE jokes.
An Iowa father who has succeeded in
raising seventeen of the worst children
in his neighborhood, says he is bound
TO have representative in Heaven ifit
takes seventeen more.
A couple of fellows who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky, got
into the gutter. After foundering for
some time one of them said, Lets go to
another house, this hotel leaks"
"What have You been doin2" asked
boz of his playmate whom he saw COM
ing out of the house with tears in his
eyes. "Ive been chasin' birch rod
round my father" was the snarling re-
ply.
A party of Sioux Indians stole patent
ice cream freezer, and thinking 1t WAS.
hand organ, and all the big medicine men
turned the crank week before they con-
cluded there was no music in it.
The fog was so thick in Troy early the
other morning that the Times solemnly
AYERS that one could not distinguish a
policeman from hitching post across the
street, if he didn't know that hitching
posts never snore.
1t now turns out that oat meal does not
make brains after all, and the Philadel
phia editors who laid in a dozen barrels
apiece for winter use will be almost mad
enough to give it to the poor.