Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1874-09-11
NUMBER IL.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Nothing made in vain-A Minnesotian
has made drink from ground-up grass
hoppers, halfpint of which makes man
hopping drunk. 1t is much cheaper than
corn whiskey, and will probably soon find
its way to New York bar-rooms.
A San Francisco man wrote to his ''Friend
Fred" that as he loved Fred's wife and
Fred's wife loved him. it would be as well
for Fred to get-a divorce, the expenses of
which he, "Fred's Friend" most generous
| ly offered to defray.
An extraordinary marriage of recent oc-
currence is recorded in the London Court
Circular. 1t took place in lexington, Eng
land, the ceremony being performed by the
Very Rev. Archdeacon Phillpotts in the
presence of a large congregation. The
nuptial pair both belonged to the parish of
Lexington ; but the singular part is the fact
that the bride has no arms, and the ring had
to be on the third toe of the left foot. At
the conclusion of the marriage ceremony she
signed the register, holding the pen with
her toes and writing in very fair ''hand.''
The bride has accustomed herself to use her
needle and do many other useful things
with her toes.
y California paper narrates another story
of womans trust and mans perfdy. A
prudent wife, after much urging, induced
her husband to save part of his wages By
depositing $50 month with her. The
arrangement promised to become a grand
financial success. Every month the faithful
husband handed over $50 to his good wife,
who carefully laid it away in safe place.
Month after month rolled on until ten $50
pieces, aggregating $500, had accumulated,
when the wife thought it would be wise To
deposit the same in the savings bank. Ac-
cordingly, one morning the lady unearthed
her pile of golden twenties and walked down
to the bank, where the treasurer told her
that her pieces were only ''spiel marks
a well-knOwn imitation. The real twenties
had gone-the husband only knew where.
\ fond mother in Kentucky named her
daughter AIazin Grace. A neighbor in
quired how she came to select such an odd
name. "La," said she, II got it out of the
hymn book" The neighbor expressed sur
prise, and said she had never seen the name
in any hymn book she had used ''You
haven't" said the mother Of Mazin Grace,
''why, don't you recollect that familiar old
hymn commencing 'Alazin Grace, how sweet
the sound p" The neighbor recollected
and gently chided herself for her stupidity
''Do you believe there are any people who
never heard the 'Old Hundred p " asked a
musical young lady at the family table
'Lots of folks never heard it," interrupted
the precocious young brother. Where are
they, should like to know ''In the
deaf and dumb asylums ~
When a horse falls down, says an ex-
change, fourteen men put their hands in
their pockets and ask each other why they
don't do something. Fifteen other men ad- |
wise the driver until he is half mad, and two
small boys stand by, with their hands |
clasped and an expression of determination
written on every lineament. Then several |
men ask why somebody don't hold his head,
until one old gentleman volunteers to hold |
it. He steps forward calmly, bends over the |
PROSTATE animal and puts his hand gently |
On his ear The horse, getting tired, raises |
his head suddenly, the crowd laugh, and the |
old gentlemen seems TO take no further in
tercst in the proceedings. Then the horse,
having had all the fun he can have, rises !
like tidal wave, and the crowd disperses.
4 beque=t Of $4,000 made TWO years
ago by DR.. E. K. johnson, to establish a
charitable institution fol colored people at |
New Bedford, Mass, has failed of its pur-
pose by the fact that one condition was that |
his daughter should leave no ''heirs, when
he probably meant ''no issue" The daugh- |
.er has died without children, but her moth
er is her heir and gets the property.-BOs-
ton GioIc.
The New York O5scrrer gives the follow
ing anee.iote under the head Of christian |
Work in the South
find some one look back upon their past
suilerings and deprivations complacently and
even good humoredly. Said veteran Con-
federate, placing his hand behind his ear,
and leaning forward, Speak little louder,
Sir: can not hear very WE'LL
Have you been long deaf, .
'''0nly few years, Sir will tell you
how it happened. During the little un-
pleasantness that occurred between the
North and South | enlisted as a private. !
One day when on guard, saw Yankee
picket stalking along, and | knew his gun
was unloaded. because saw him fire it of.
| reckoned Id do 4 smart thing, so | ran up
behind him, and yelled out, Surrender -
But.I think lie must have misunderstood me,
for he turned round and hit me such thun
dering whack on the side of my head with I
the butt-end of mis- musket that did not
know anything for about ten hours, and
have not been able to hear very well since. ~