Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1874-12-07

Even oysters refuse to live in Salt
Lake City.
1t is better to be flush in the pocket
than in the face.
An armless Milwaukee woman boxes
her husbands ears with her feet.
Peru has more dogs than any other
country of its size. Hence the Peruvian
bark.
Circuses are now going about the
sunny south while we are dreaming of
ice four feet thick.
A paper has this advertisement 1.-TWO
sisters want washing" Millions of
brothers are in the same predicament.
Since the Democratic victory in Bos-
ton, the water supply has become so lin
tied the authorities are afraid of
drough.
Mr. Beecher's council say they will
have no difficulty in clearing their client
if they can only find the testimony re-
quired.
Polygamy has its blessings after ALL
There is a Salt Lake Norman who is
getting rich by hiring out his wives to
do washing and house. cleaning
A Kansas darkey stole can of nitro
glyceriue, and, thinking it can of oys-
ters, tried to break it open. They gath
cred up about pint of him.
An Ohio constable has absconded with
the sum of 1925. Do not, gentle read
er, turn up your nose, for it was all the
public money he could get hold of
They have kissing fairs in Iowa for
the benefit of the churches-price ten
cents kiss. But it is not stated who is
expected to pay the money-the lady or
the gentleman.
Washington Irving alluded to man
of superior pomposity, ''as great man,
and, in his own estimation, man of
great weight. When he goes to the
West he thinks the East tips up
A witch being at the stake to be
burned, saw her son there, and desired
him to give her some drink. ''No moth
er," said he, ''it would do you wrong,
for the drier you are the better you will
| burn"
Tennie G. Clahin. according to the
Chicago Inter- Ocean, is now Mrs John
Green. Has this sweet cherub been get
ting married again =? And is there no
law for the protection of her artless in
nocence.
Clara Louise Kellogg says American
girls have the sweetest voices in the
world Col. John W. Forney says Eng
lish girls are the warblers 1t would be
but mere act of gallantry for the col.
onel to retract.
Some enterprising autumn wasp start
ed a nest one night in the trowsers of a
boarder in a St. Paul hotel, and when
the gentleman thrust his leg through
next morning, the whole town wasn't
large enough to hold him.
Little boys among the Geysers have
no ire-crackers, even for a millennial
So young Iceland sat up over night by
the aurora, and burst barrels under the
windows, by filling them with water and
waiting for congelation.
1t must indeed be dry in Kansas, il
it be true, as local paper says, that
"the suffering catfish lies stranded OF
the blistering bottom of his late happy
home, waving his tail in the crisp breezes
as signal of distress"
A young man has been arrested ir
New York for sleeping in astanding po
sition He would stand on the street
for four hours at a stretch, with his eyes
closed, and not move muscle. 1t i;
hereditary. His father was policeman
= Washington Chronicle
They came pretty near hanging ar
Eastern man at Shellville, Florida. be
cause they discovered toothbrush anG
bottle of hair oil in his satchel. They
said no cussed Yankee could come arount
there, putting on the airs of Napoleon
Bonaparte.
Mamma, where does the cows ge
the milk ?" asked Willie, looking ul
from the foaming pan of milk, which h,
had been intently regarding. ''Wher
do you get your tears?" was the answer
After a thoughtful silence. he again
broke out: "Do the cows have to b
spanked %
Western editor having been invitec
to masquerade ball given by club il
the town where he lived. in acknowl
edging the invitation, said: There j
quiet sarcasm. though of course no
intended, in inviting country edito
who has but one suit, and that poo
one, to such an affair without accompany
ing the compliment with the necessar.
clothes. Were we to accept. we shoul,
be compelled to appear in the characte
of Adam before the fall This, thoug
painful to admit, is literally the makes
truth