Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1874-11-14
Hints 10 Comic Lecturers.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
Comik lekturing IL an unkommon
pesky thing to do.
Ii liz more unsartain than the rat
ketchlng Dizziness az a meaos ri grace,
or az means of livelyhood.
Nest enneybody thinks they can do
it: and that IL jlst what makes it SO
bothersome tew do.
When it IL did fist enough it is ter.
rifle Success, but when it sover did 1t IL
like burnt slap jack, very impcrti-
nent.
Whenever man haz made up hiz
mind that he IL wit, then he IL mis-
taken without remedy, but whenever the
publk haz made up biz mind that he IL
got tho diseaze, then he haz got 1t sure.
individuals never Git this thing right;
the publik never cit wrong,
The pubik never cheat tbemsclfs nor
other folk whom they weigh ont glory.
There IL jist sixteen ounces in a
pound Of glory and no more, that liz, by
the public's steelyards.
No man can be helthy phool unless
he has nussed at the of wisdom Those
who fail 10 the comik dizziness are they
who have bin put out to nuss, or been
fetched up on a bottle,
If a man is genuine humorist he IL
superior tew the bulk OF his aujience,
and will oftentimes have tew take hiz
pay fer his services in thinking 80.
Seven airs is the life of railroad
tic.
Gentlemen have reached the season
for regret, caused by the fact that their
wives have disposed of their overcoats
( new last spring. to the clo'man for a
match safe and Parian bust, worth in
total $l.62
Talking Of Southern outrages, Vir.
ginia. Tennessee and North Carolina
have raised 100000 bushels of peapu
this year.
The Prince Of Wales took a nipper
with President MacMahon on his recent
visit to Paiis.
Some fiend in human form without
either conscience or stomach, as invent-
cd chesnut pie.
The Pope says that, "The good ex-
ample Of layman is worth more than
a sermon from minister at the altar.
Don't lnger where your ''love lies
dreaming" Wake her up and tell her
to get breakfast.
An Irishman returned from bis trav-
els CALAMITY compared his landIady to
Vesuvius, because "she was fine old
crater"
Curls are again coming into fashion
for the ladies. Good ones cost from
$40 upwards, net counting FIVE cents
for hairpins.
Whenever man has made up his
mind that he is wit then he is mista-
ken without remedy" is what Josh
Billings says.
ale wears bis hair and his ears long,"
il the description an indianapolis editor
gives Of Cincinnati contemporary
Mrs. Matilda G. We'll made appica-
ton to register in New York, but her
request was refused by their board.
An exchange insists that poverty is
a blessing" fit be so it is a "bless-
ing in disguise" and so well disguised
that very lew are able to see the point.
The pupils in one Of our Western
schools are taught to apply the
feminine gender to all vessels except
''men ofwar and mail steamers,
1t is reported from Florence that Mr..
Joaquin Miller, the poet Of the Sierras,
has elOped with al Italian woman, the
mother Of several children The affair
is said to have produced great
commotion in the society of that free
living city.
Adeline Pettyjohn' convicted Of steal
ing lot of bed clothing and wearing
apparel from Sylvia Fletcher, received
thirty nine lashes at Kessler's, Thursday
last, at the hands Of the law. Both of the
ladies are colored, and live in the classic
little town OF Madison in Amherst. The