The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1874-03-05
RoIt AIwav. in ordar


Squills declares his wife is always tax.
ing some kind of q mean advantage oil
him. The beat woman in the world, sir, .
says Squills, "but now and then she will
act mean and she can't help it,"
Last Saturday at breakfast" says
Sduills, "she was as smiling as q bundle
Of chips, ts,fTl8g eaf 1o.t-a s ea,
"Are your chops done TO your liking.
Squills dear
"Deliciously, my love-
II knew it was going to be hot" said
Squills, ~and when / got into she hall to
leave, Mrs, Squills was there with my hat
In one hand and my overcast in the other.
"Squills, DEAR" she began.
al Thought it time to pitch in here
said Sqaills, so l said quietly
How much, Mrs. Ssuills Out with it
my love"
"Mr. Squills, don't be unmanly, sir, ]
beg not to say ridiculous. Gussy wants a
silk dress to 60 TO church in the poor
child really isn't decent='You are very
sorry we'll, so you ought to be. Let her
say her prayers at home No Nj. Squills,
she shan't stay at home, and she shan't
say her prayers and MS. Squills, you're
enough to aggravate a saint, and your
conduct is disgusting, and it's enough to
drive a woman to bolt right off to Chicago
and get q divorce"
~ thought this was q good time to FIRE
off my pet joke,s said Squills $50 l said,
Mrs. Squills, a bolt is always in order.
Then l bolted myself, for Mrs. Squil comes
of a fighting familysn
when I went home that night, Gussy
dear child. played all my pet Offenbach
music and knew ! was in for the dress,
only / wanted to hold out till morning,
just for the look of the thing"
"For ave years after we were married,
Mrs. s. would persst in looking under the
bed for a man. It's the same man every
woman looks for, l suppose, because they
all do it. Well, failing to find the man,
Mrs. Squilis gave up IN disgust, and took
TO something else. I suppose they'd all
take to something else after they can't
find the man under the bed Mrs. SauilPs
weakness Is boiling the door. Mr.. Squills
have you bolted the door? is always the
last thing at night.
This particular night Mrs S. was very
digni6ed and distant. No familiarities
Mr.. Squills if you please you wounded
my feelings in their tenderest point this
morning, and4 cannot forget, though you
did, that | am your wife, sir, and tie mo-
ther Of your children, Mr.. Squills.
"This was pitching ia uncommonly
strong, you know" said Squills, "and I
was about to surrender, when Mrs. Squills
turned off somewhere on the outside bed
raiL Not even Goodnight Squills.'" /
felt pretty bad about it, but / went to
sleep but after a while 1 experienced a
kick il the back, as if some playful mule
had been tanning me. Perhaps it was
necessary. as I always sleep hard.
"aMr Sqnills,' at last l heard Mrs. 5.
say, Mr.. Sauills, have you bolted the
door,"
"Now, 1 leave it to shy man, whether
that Is the correct thing for the mother of
a family to do2 Of course I get up and
boted the door. and I saId, Mrs. Squills,
why didn't you think Of boltins the door
before 1 went to sleep. and not wake up q
man in the middle offs cold night to do it,
and what do you suppose her answer was
"'Why, Mr.. Squills, said she, 4 thought
a bolt was always in ORDER"
What did say3 What could l say 7
And the worst of al;9' said Squills, otIl
be Eangedn she Wasntlaughing at me ]
could feel the bed shaking"