The Western advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1872-1874, 1874-08-22
CURRENT ITEMS.
HOME RULE-Birch.

POWDERED mcerschaum is now used
ny ladies as a cosmetic.
A SPEAKER is no longer in sympathy
with his audience, but he is en- ruGport
with it.
UNCLE J1P is Detroit negro who lets
the boys crack cocoanuts on his head for
fifty cents apiece.
| ONE of the religious papers affirms
that practical Christianity is the great
need of the times.
AN Ohio housewife suicidcd the other
day because her kettle of soft soap
wouldn't "make."
ALTHOUGH doubtful things arc un.
certain, it cannot be denied that. certain
things are doubtful.
THE Agassiz memorial fund is getting
| into the second series of its teens. It
now exceeds $112,000
A SINGLE company has MONOPOLY of
the ice business in Boston this year.
That's nice business.
A NAN with a scolding wife on being
asked what he did for a living, replied
that he kept hot-house.
A WORKMAN found in the Allegheny
River, the other day, a gold ring, in
scribcd " Lafayette, 1924"
TIE King of the Sandwich Islands ad-
viscs the negotiation of a reciprocity
treaty with the United States.
THEY keep selling the Smith sisters
cow for taxes in Connecticut, and all
New England is in an excitement about it.
A NEW YORK man has christencd hsi
daughter Glycerine. He says it will be
easy to prefix nitro if her temper rescm-
bles her mothcr's
WHEN the wife is detected showing
unusual affection for her husband, it may
fairly be expected that she will appear
before long in new bonnet.
A HARDIN COUNTY (Ky.) farmer pro-
poses to fattcn about sixty hogs on
onions alone, and for that purpose has
planted large crop Of the esculent.'
THE New York Com auercsaz rescnts the
charge that women dress to please the
men. Statistics show that the chief end
OF wonan's dress is to impoverish men.
IT may be interesting to know that the
autumn bonnet will have a huge box
plated crown and rim turning up d.
rectly in front, held in position by huge
bow.
A coLoRED Mrs. Partington, of New
Orleans observed the other day that her
husband held the "stinguishcd position
of supplementary on the metropolitan
police"
Now is the time when the irresponsi
BILE urchin glucth the housc-ty' s wings to-
gcther and Walketh him against time
around the nose OF his sleeping grand
father.
NOBLE Lords are scarce at the water
ing place hotels, and Il cruel Western
man accounts for it on the ground that it
is not time for the BARRIERS to take their
summer vacation.
lLI-EXECUTED counterfcits of the latest
issues of the fifty and ten cent currency
are in circulation; ingenious enough to
DC taken by the unWary but not enduring
very close inspection.
The following is vcrbatSna ct lSter0tSna
copy of a job brought into an office in
Northwestern Ohio by minister: "The
youse Of tobacka is stricktly forbiton in
this gurch. ."-Nco$l'nper Reporter.
AN English capitalist has just pur~
chased three square miles of land in
Kansas for himself, and four square miles
for two of his friends They all intend
to come out with their families next
spring.
A FARMER in Wyoming County is think
ing of going to Colorado, and writes to a
friend that he would "likc to find some
widow like the one named Ruth, who for
a second husband married chap with
the absurd cognomcn of Boaz, and who is
ready like her to say, Where thou 60
West will co."
A GERMAN who wouldn't take dare
tried to win $40, the other day, by jump.
ing off the st, Louis bridge. But on
swimming ashore, with his head covered
with mud, he was welcomed by Il police
man, who not only wouldn't Let him COL
lcct his hard-earncd wager but escorted
HIM off to the calaboosc.
ONE for those who use tobacco: In a
recent number of the Mct1icn1 Times is
the following: "a young girl suffering
from severe and uncomfortable vomiting,
under DIR. Beaumctz' care at the Hotel
Dicu, was, after the Intellectual trial of
various remedies, ordered to smoke a
cigarette after each meal. This, SO long
as its use was persisted in, seemed to
check the vomiting entirely"
THE Lancet asserts that night work is
not injurious to adults under certain
conditions The hours of sleep should
never be curtailcd, and the light should
be white, powerful, steady and conccn-
tratcd by a shade upon the work. It
argues that an insufficient, tlickcring, or
too ditfuscd light is one of the most
serious causes in producing brain irrita-
tion which troubles night workers.
TIE provcrbial misery which visits
anybody who interferes between man and
wife seems to have been happily avcrted
by public action in little Western New
York village. Therein resides young
gentleman occupying, as the villagers re
port, responsible and prominent posi-
tion, and this young, responsible and
prominent gentleman has a wife of whom
he is so fond that he constantly mani
tests that fondness by divers beatings
and howlings at her. She being, like
Miss Miggs, a mis'able orphing," public
sympathy and indignation Immediately
began to wake themselves. Safety was
sought in numbers. A mass-meeting was
called, the most influential citizens at
tended it, several fiery speeches were
made and string of resolutions adopted,
denouncing the sweet domestic ways of
this responsible and prominent young
man.
THE Upper Des Mosnes, commenting on
letter written to the Toledo Blade,
wherein the correspondent denominates
Northwestern Iowa as the "grasshopper
country vast, treeless prairie region,
replies: "The article is tissue of false
hoods from first to last, there not being
sufficient of truth to cement the mass to-
gether. This is no more the land of
the grasshopper' than is Oregon, Cali
fornia, Utah, Dakota, Kansas, Nebraska
or in fact any other State lying between