The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-05-23

that is my Oplhyun'
Obituary poetry, TO suit the cXsencieS OF ere
nation, is multiplying uere IS something
quite cheerful
This world is all Il ilcctlng show;
How sweet from it to pass,
To vanish up the chimney as
Carbonc acid gas!
The following is at once touching and practi
cal:
Don't lay me on the river bank
Amid the fragrant hOWcrs
Nor where the grass is watercd ny
The early summer showers.
But put me in the kitchen range
And open wide the dampcr;
And then my vaporOus remains
Can 10 the chimney scanper.
And the following borders on the sublime;
We lit the poor fellow at dead of night,
The carcass continually turning,
In order that every side might have IT'S snare,
OF this new patent process OF burning.
No ppting rain storm came WcttinE inc pic
or fa0rots to which we had bound MN,
No Babcock extingui,kcr dcadened the glare
That formed such halo around him.
The girls o! 4 California Seminary lately devel
oped singular fancy for using three one-cen
.stomps instead Of the regular kind, upon theii
envelopes The letters were SO plain matter-of
fact and the attempts at evading surveillance III
the old fashioned way grew Sc scarce, that one
suspecting teacher Investigated this whim; and
10, the cunning creatures had taken to writing
tender, emo,iona! epislles to their lovers under
the stamps.
Aftemus Ward once observed that he approved
Of temperance hotels, although he thought as
rule they sold worse liquor than the other kind
"Snicidc now within the reach of all-kero-
sene only - cents gallon" is the joyous an
nouncemcnt Of a Titusvillc paper.
A deranged lover, living near Louisville, com
mtted suicide by taking hold of the edge Of a
pond and holding his head under water.
A Young man who was married in Detroit SIX
months ago has Joined IN the discussion OF the
question Of family economy. His little contri-
button is far from satisfactory: 81 don't know
how it is. | used to figure 1t out, as sat with
nv arm around her waist Saturday nights, and
then all il would cost to live would be S2.95
week and now spcrd SIS, ana am hungry half
the time
among late cable dispatches. 1t indicates that
Europe is on the eve Of mighty events growing
out of the recent Ang Io-Russian marriage:
Another horrible scene in the British Royal
family! The Duchess of Edinburgh had borrow
ed the Princess Of Wales crimping-irons. In re-
turning them she presented the hot ends to Her
Royal Highness, who thoughtlcssy took hold of
them, and then waitzed around with one hand
between her knees for several minutes before she
could speak. witnesses Of the occurrence
express their belief that the days OF the Russian
Empire are numbered.
\ Massachusetts, farmer owns a kcntuckybrcd
mule that has within the last thirty days kicked
in seventeen barn doors unroofed dozen chick
en-coops, and tramped the life out Of four favor.
lie pigs. Ben Butler" is his name.
The most thoroughly burned out fhousc and
home man in the United States is Charles Will
iams Of Portland Me. Seven times during the
past year has his residence been consumed He
row proposes TO build raft and live on pond
Leroy people are unhappy. Their city beer
garden has been located nearly two miles from
town, and il worries the old folks terribly tC
walk out so far and still more so to walk back
B,0)mngiJH Pud.
When they Kill a man in Texas the work i.
done with some thoroughncss. A hog thief Wa
recently disposed of, Local paper complaccntl
remaIking: " When picked up he was rs full &
lead as well filed pin cushion with pins"
The Toledo Blad, prefers cream ale to crema
ton.
The Kalamazoo (Mich) Gazette took such
lively Interest in the closing If the saloons a
Galesburs, in this state, on the LIST Of May. rs I
send a special reporter there to take note
This is his first report:
The saloons and all places in Galesburc wher
alcoholic liquors have been sold as a beycra1
were closed on Thursday, April 30. On the ~,
prOXmate day sequacious to the meridian IA,
women who have been crusaders perambulato
10 the front Of the Prairie House, as the fort,
tums OF the house were assiduously cmployrd
thc depuration Of the bar-room floor. These w
men then extended their quotidian locomoti,
20 The 'front.' steps Of Daniel Harris's saloo
where they met Mr.. Harris. They took him
me hand and with silycr.toned voices spoke
ms closing business. These women were so a
parcntiy genial with Mr.. Harris that il arrest
the special attention of many of the citizr,
who repaired 10 and listened 10 the parlance
tween Mr.. Harris and his women friends O
gentleman remarked that his optics had ne,
been arrested with such an unfolding of amity
reciprocity as was witnessed upon this occa,,
Punch inditcs the following lines " To the +
Enslavcr:'
Lady, ii lac beheld thy HAIR.
By nature dark, by art made fair.
That man were holder far than |
Who'd stand the hazard of the ave
II Is now about two weeks since youps, n
in Worcester began using the agolden mu,ra,
and whisker forcer,' and the family physic
has at length concluded that aportion Of the
yer lip may be restored, though the owne. .
never be 4 marked ornament Of society.
We observe tendency among newspaper II
20 indulge ia redundant expressisons For
stance. the Louisville C0urior-J0ty1ais ays: II
physicians are in Attendance. aud il j. thou.
lie cannC; recover" u would have been ~