Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1874-12-31
II think we'll have to toss up. Walsh,
to determine which of US is the eel. y
-JUNus HENRI BRowsE, in Hd,.
pers Magazi,N for Januory.


Vot1onoo q III AanQ1
] Social ostracism is very unsocial.
| 1t is better to be useful than rich.
A fast musician-one who plays
too forte.
! No church is too weak 10 take Up
a collection.
1t requires no particular skill to
make a blunder.
With hungry men, meal times are
the best times.
No Chinaman has ever yet become
a book agent.
A mother-in-law in the house is q
well spring Of jawy.
Time will only hang up his sythe
when he is no mower.
''The Beautiful Blue Danube. nis
muddy, yellow fraud.
Jonah was stranger among whales,
and they took him in. l-
At Pekin, ILL.,, you can Pekin 10
eighty-seven lager been saloons.
What is the largest room in the
world I? The room for improve
ment.
Snails are to be taxed in Paris,
which will make them go still moro
slowly.
The elephant is mid to be dying
out; so you'd better 50 and see it at
once.
A client is never certain about
lawyer. and generally takes him on
trial.
Pluck and patience are strong
firm in transacting the daily business
of life.
The good of a mans life cannot be
measured by the length of his funeral
PtoCCooioh'
The proper salutation when you
meet writing master is, "How do
youAourish p
They don't bury colored people ia
Georgia. They form the fun'ral
obs'quies sab.
If you want to feel warm all hro,sgh
give some poor family the means to
keep warm.
John G. Calhoun has been arrest
ed in Memphis for wearing somebody
else's tr0wsers.
A Minnesota man makes the win
ter seem short by giving his note pay
able in the spring.
A philosopher has discovered that
men don't object to being overrated,
except by assessors.
Mercy Consolation Smith, is Fort
Wayne's handsomest girl. Mercy
will no doubt be O Consolation to
some fellow.
Monkeys never grow older in ex-
preston. A young monkey looks ex-
actly like his grandpapa melted up
and born over again.
Cant you make any allowance for
a mans being drunkY" Certainly
said the judge, an allow you thirty
days in the work-house."
A Troy man worth $4,000 hung
himself recently. If they mustdo Il,
that's the kind of men to go about it,
as it loosens the currency.
1t makes Boston merchants wife
mad when the papers speak of her
husband rs an adulterer merely be-
cause he puts sand in the sugar.
"What's the use, in tbes Hays,
trying to be honest" exclaimed
grumbIer. "Oh, you ought to try il
once and see,' retorted one ofhis com
panions.
Cicero said "the pursuit of all things
should be calm and tranquil" A
member Of the funny family wants To-
know if that will apply to the catch
ing of fleas.
A wag, in "what he knows about
farming" gives very good plan 10
remove widows weeds. A good look
ing man has only to say wilt thou"
and they wilt.
Heres to the vine that grow the
grapes that made this wine,' said
Spivins, as he swallowed glass Of
milk. "What vine was that3" asked
Smith. Bovine was the prompt re
ply.
It is said that Louise Kellogg fis-
tens her garters with $500 diamond
clasps, and Anna DickinsoD snaps a
pair of amethists round her plump
little calves, while the widow CT
Captain Jack is content to tie up her
old army socks with pair Of Shack
nasty Jim's old suspendera
Lawyer-Hov do you identify this
handkerchief WiNess-By it's gen
eral appearance, and the fact that
have others like il. Counsel (cutsly,)
That's no proof, for l have got one
lust like it in my pocket. Witness
(innocently)-I don't doubt that, Gs
| had more than one Of the same sort
stolen.
81 thohght you were born on the
first of April" said husband to MS
wife, who had mentioned the twenty.
first as her birthday. That's what
ali nv friends think" said the wIsc,
"Why are they unanimous on thnt
t,oint ?" asked the liege lord. "On