New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1874-06-15
PERFECTION.

PERFECTION
A great English moralst tells us, in couplet
which has become hackneyed, that whoever
expects a perfect work to see will have his
expectations for his pains. But the little
crooked man knew nothing of Young Ladies'
Boarding Schools, for if he had he might pos
sibly have revised his dIctum. Perfection Is
as common within those sacred precincts as the
wholesome aroma of bread and butter. For
instance, we have here newspaper notice or
tho Select School of Mrs. -, the session
whereof has Just closed not only with great
packing of trunks, but "with some pleasant
Exercises" part of these were perfect, OF
course, and part Appropriated to that COM
pleteness The pianO-fOrte playing for two
hands, for four hands, and perhaps for eight
hands (Czerny, Op. 3728), no doubt left nothing
to be desired except the six final tortisslmo
bangs. The French was of the best standard
American quality, and the English Compost
ton was composite indeed. The examination
in Buffers Analogy was miracle OF dlaiec-
tical analysis; and as for the examination In
Geography it couldn't have been more in
teresting if this earth had eight quarters In
stead of four. WOrsted work and the manu-
facture of samplers are scorned in modern
finishing establishments, but surely there were
water-color paintings with great deal OF
water and all the tints OF the colOr-box. But
why do we linger over these minor matters
Why do we withhold the pleasing facts that
Miss --- received the prize for Perfect
DepOrtment,n while Miss - was similarly
hOnOred for the highest number OF Perfect
Lessons We make these announcements
without single pang of regretful jealousy
Acknowledging, with hand on mouth and with
mouth in the dust, that after many years OF
struggle we are far from perfect ourselves, 1t
is with sad and sober joy that we hear OF these
attainments of sweet sixteen.
Here, for instance, is this blooming little
Miss Turveydrop, whose Department has been
for twelve moons the example If not the envy
and despair of all the sweet young pupils.
Never once, however incoherent the Wand,
has she put the horrid knife into her rosebud
mouth. Always has her speech been sugges-
tive of prisms, prunes, and persimmOns. In
all her daily ways there has been no trace of
hOyden freedom; she has never giggled in
church-indeed, she has never giggled any
where. The deepest respect has always
marked her demeanOr towards the Minerva of
the establishment; nor has she once snubbed
the lowest petticOated officer on the staff
The dear creature-hOw awful must she be in
her dignified beauty $50 cold and yet so
lovely like one of those Dubious vegetables
which come up through the snow to blossom
in early March Our word for it, she is one
of your best silk-dress virgins, eminently
fitted to carry glad tidngs to far-Off savage
damsels who wear no dresses at all. Pro-
priety's sweet self model Of all feminine
graces with not 30 much as one hair out of
place in that wonderful arrangement of her
thick and braided locks ;-she needs nothing
but large cameo brooch to make her more
than perfect-fOr perfect she is already. We
know very well that she will be the pride OF
her papa and the joy and help of her mamma !;
and that ultimately she will marry the Chair
man of the School Committee of her native
village, or possibly the Doctor, or some man
still more Reverend. o you pretty romps with
hair ."every which way" and dresses awry,
giggling all day long, and dreaming all night
the foOlishest dreams do you know what
you are coming tot
OF the Miss who took the other prize for
perfect Lessons" we hardly dare to speak.
such is our profound reverence for her
early attainments. We feel that if she were
to examine us she would find us, the dear
little Cornelia Blimber, utterly deficient in
Grammar, Geography, History, Chemistry,
Natural Philosophy, Rhetoric, and the Use OF
Globes. We feel that we know nothing; or
at least that this young lady has forgotten
more than our whole stock Of eruditiOn.
When man has been out in the world q
long time, earning his meat and drink in any
other business than that of school-keeping, it
is astonishing how ignorant he soon becomes,
and with what awe he listens to little girls
bounding the principal countries Of Europe
and stating the latitude and longitude OF cap
ital cities-perhaps spelling with ease and &C
curacy many of those puzzling words which
always send us to our Webster Unabridged
1t is astonishing how we shed our learning as
we get older. How many Masters of Arts
are there who can read page Of the Anaba-
sis or the First Book of Livy without STUN
blingi What we do acquire, to replace 80
much that is lost, is the skill to conceal our
ignorance and to get credit from our fellow
creatures for more than we possess. The
damsel crowned for Perfect Lessons also will
forget much before she is the mother of her
sixth baby-and learn much also. In time she
will send the little future Miss in her turn to
the Seminary or Institute. and the maternal
heart will be gladdened when this small repe-
tition of mamma brings home good report
of Perfect Lessons %
Nothing can be more natural than that archaolo.
gists should throw stones Is II anything wonder