Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1874-04-29
Humorous and Witty.

complaint against the constable. What
is it q
Prisoner-Please, sir, he took me I'M
awares, sir.
CANINE reasoning powers are a favor
tie topic, with Naturalists, but there is
no denying that nine-tenths of the dogs
one sees, are miserable thin-cJlrs.
BoBBs complains that his wife is an
infationist. She blows him up every
day, and makes him circulate until he
actually feels that he is beyondredemp-
ton.
A MISSOURI Jury, in the case OF man
found with ten bullets in his head, de-
cided that che had been shot or met
with some bad accidentin some manner
not just now known.
SYLvANUs thinks it would be good
thing to say, when the Governor blows
YOU ugo and saws you are as obstinate as
a mule. Like enough, when you have
an ass for YOUR father" Sylvanus does
not mean to try this himself. He has
no occasion. Any boy who wants it
may have It,
JULES VERNE, in his novel, "The
Mysterious Island,' says Of war cor
RESPONDENT "He also had been in all
the battles. revolver in one hand, note
book in the other, and grapeshot never
made his pencil tremble." Perhaps
this marvel might be accounted for II
we knew where heheld his pencil. Was
it in the revolver hand, or the notebook
hand?
WHEN old Lord Holland lay dying,
George Selwyn, who had morbid love
for seeing corpses, executions, death
beds and the like, was constant VS.
itor of his IF Mr.. Selwyn calls to-
morrow, said the master of the house,
be sure he is admitted ; for if [ am
alive I shall be glad to see him, and ii
[ am dead he will be glad to see me.
WHEN an Ohio railroad engineer de-
tects a rag baby on the track, he imme-
diately reverses the engine and stops
the train; but let him have a chance at
a human being, and he dashes ahead at
full speed, exclaiming to the coal-heaver,
while a holy enthusiasm lights up his
countenance, "There's going to be an
other angel born, Billy"
FROM O curious document just
brought to light, it would appear that
free masons and the Roman Catholic
church have not always been at enmity
It is a list of the brethren composing
the original Scotch lodge of John of
Scotland, holding it's warrant from the
Orient of Paris, in ITS. Among the
members may be seen the Able Barto
lilo, worshipful master, and a Rosicru-
clan, Able Robinson, Able Durand,
Prior of Entraigrus, and many others.
It is also known that the pope himself
and Cardinal Antonelli have worked
their way up to the degree of Rosicru-
clans.
ARTEMUs WARD, in one of his lee
lures, used to tell of an old frontiers
man who had built him comfortable
cabin and was living alone with his
wife and family away from all civiliza-
ton. On returning from protracted
hunt one day, he found his cabin burn
ed by the Indians, his wife and children
gone, and the bones of his stock in the
ashes of his stable The old squatter
gazed upon the scene for a moment,
Artemus said, and then murmured in
tones of anguish, Chow ridiculous %
The Lexington Gazette tells this:
cone of our country friends relates
story of one of the intelligent 18th
amendment recruits attempting to steal
a goose, but dog raised an objection,
and Sambo retired. The next night
during thunder storm he attempted
it again, and Just as he was on the point
of getting away with his bird, the light
ming struck close by and the noise near
ly frightened the poor fellow to death.
Dropping the goose, he started away,
mutterlng: Peers to me dar am
mighty lot offuss made bout a common
goose. ;"
SOME one who mas been investigating
the subject, says that, in general, 90
900 pounds is a carload, or 70 barrels
of salt, 70 of lime, 80 of -four, 80 of
hard wood, of soft, Is to 20 head of
cattle, so to 60 head of hogs, so to 100
head of sheep, 5000 feet of solid
boards, 1900 feet Of siding, $4,000
feet Of flooring, 100000 shingles, less
hard lumber, ! less green lumber, Ito
= less of joists, scantling, and all other
large lumber, $40 bushels of wheat, $50
of corn, $50 of oats, 400 of barley, $50
of faxseed, $50 of apples, 400 Of Irish
potatoes, $50 of sweet potatoes, 1000
bushels OF bran.
Berlin's May-Day.
The Cologne Gazette, of April Z, says
that the great changing day, April 1,
has passed by in Berlin without more
than single person being obliged to
be accommodated there in the work
house on account of being without shell
ter. There can, therefore, be no more
mention Of real want of dwellings, In
the case of the dearest dwellings,, the
rents have also somewhat fallen. At
the present time there are reckoned
$1,000 houses, with $4,000 dwellings,,
and rentvalue of a, 900, 900 of thalers.
Since last year there has been anincrease
of 538 houses, 5000 dwellings,, and of
rent to the amount of 100000 thalers.
The dwellings, standing empty represent
rent value of 400, 900 thalers.