The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-01-06
The Fat Mans Joke.


some years ago, anterior to the railroad era,
to travel in summer by stage coach from
Oxford to London. The stage carried six
inside and our hero engaged two places
(as, in consideration of his size, he usually
did for himself. The other four seats
were taken by Oxford students
These youths, being lighter than our
modern Lambert, reached the stage before
he did, and each snugly possessed himself
OF corner seat, leaving centre seat ON
each side vacant, The round, good tenn
pered face of John Bull soon after appeared
at the carriage door, and peering into the
vehicle and observing the local arrange
ments, its owner said, with smile
"You see am of a pretty comfortable
size, gentlemen so have taken two seats.
1t will greatly oblige me if one of you will
kindly move into the opposite seat so that
may enter"
my good sir" said pert young law
student, possession is nine-tenths of the
law. You engaged two seats There they
are-one on each side. We engaged one
each, came first, entered regularly into pos
session, and our titles to the seats which
we occupy are indisputable.
81 do not dispute your titles" said the
other; "but 1 trust to your politeness,
seeing how the case stands, to enable me
to pursue my journey"
ooh hang politeness p said hopeful
young scion of some noble house. "I have
horror of a middle seat, and would not
take one to oblige my grandmother. It's
ungrateful as well as uncomfortable and,
besides, one has no chance of looking at the
pretty girls along the road. Good old
gentleman, arrange your concerns as you
please stick to my cornerm And he
leaned back, yawned, and settled himself
with hopeless composure in his place.
Our corpulent friend, though man not
easily discomposed, was somewhat put out
by this unmannerly obstinancy. He turned
to smart looking youth with simper on
his face--a clerical student, who had
hitherto sat in reverie, possibly thinking
over his chances of of rich benefice in the
future
"Will you accommodate me?'' he asked.
"This is the last stage that starts for Lon
don to-day, and business of urging import
ance calls me to town."
"Some temporal affair, no doubt"
said the graceless youth, with mock gravity
-" some speculation with filthy lucre for
its object. Good father, at your age your
thoughts should turn heavenward, instead
of being confined to to the dull, heavy
tabernacle of clay that chains us to the
earth" And his companion roared with
laughter at the joke"
A glow of indignation just colored the
strangers cheek f.; but he mastered the feel,
ing in moment and said, with much COM
posure to the fourth
" Are you also determined that shall
lose my place? Or will you oblige me by
taking central seat2'
cay, do, Tom p' said his lordship to the
person addressed "he's something in the
way of your profession-quite a physiolog-
ical curiosity. You ought to accommodate
him.
"M May be poisoned if do p' replied the
student of medicine. "In diSsecting
room he would make ON excellent subject
But in coach-this warm weather, too
Old gentleman, if you'll put yourself under
my care I'll engage in the course of six
weeks, by judicious course of depletives,
to save you, hereafter, the expense of
double seat But, really Ito take mid
die seat in the month of July is contrary to
all the rules of hygiene, and practice to
which l have professional objection ~
And the laugh was renewed at the old gen
tleman's expense.
BY this time the patience Of the coachee,
who had listened to the latter part of the
dialogue, was exhausted.
"Harkee, gemmen y said he. "Settle
the business as you like, Butt wants just
three-quarters Of minute of twelve, and
with the first stroke of the University
clock my horses must be off. / would not
wait three seconds longer on the King
God bless him 'Twould be .as much as
my place is worth" And with that he
mounted his box tosk up the reins, bid the
hostler shut the door, and sat with the up
raised whip listening for the expected
stroke.
AS it sounded from the venerable belfry,
the horses, as if they recognized the sig
nal, shot off alta gallop with the four young
rouges, to whom their own rud eness and
our fat mans dilemma afforded prolific