Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1874-03-12

Not cent.
Then, of course, he must insure. No poor
man can afford to neglect such an opportuni-
ty. 1 suppose he travels sometimes goes
about in railroad cars and other dangerous
places"
"No, he keeps very quiet"
"Man of steady habits, suppose"
"Very steady.'
"He is Just the very man I want" said
Gunn, 81 know can sell him policy"
II don't think you can, replied Mrs. Kem-
"Why? When will he be home? I'll call
on him. l don't know any reason why |
shouldn't insure him."
81 know" replied Mrs K.
"Why ?"
"He has been dead 27 years. said the
widow.
Then Gum left all of sudden. He will
not insure any Of the kempers.
"UNIvERsAL DAMNATIoN." ."-"The late
Judge Kellogg, of Essex county, N. Y, was
for some years representative in Congress.
He was bluff, hearty man, concealing under
a rough exterior kind heart and much
thoughtfulness upon religious subjects. One
evening in Washington he told US this story.
He said that he was called BY his townspeo-
pie 'Universalist,' a title for which he cared
little having many original views Of his own,
which probably would scarcely have been
considered orthodox. Still for much that
goes by the name of 'Universalism' he had
great dislike This is preliminary to the sto-
ry. The Judge said he was sitting in his law
office one afternoon, when mildlooking gen.
tleman introduced himself as lecturer on
the Universalist doctrines that, upon inquiry
at the hotel for leading members of that per-
suasion, he had been referred by the landlord
to "Judge Kellogg" He asked as to the
probabilities of his getting hearing in the
community fora course Of lectures, and, grad
ually warming up, at length ventured to ask
the Judge if he was 'restorationist.'
"'No,' said the judge 4 am not
"'Ah! then you are of those of US who be-
lieve that all punishment for sin is confined
to this worldT
"'No,' said the Judge; 4 am not of that
kind either"
"His questioner looked puzzled, and then
said: Excuse me, Judge kellogg, those are
the only Universalsts ever heard Of Will
views%
"The Judge was an enormous tobacco-chew-
or. Throwing down his 'quid,' with much
emphasis, he replied: well, sir, have had
a pretty large experience of human nature l
have seen so much humbuggery, rascality,
and corruption generally that have come to
believe in universal damnation !"-F. B.
CARPENTER, IN ". Y. Independent
How TO MANAGE MIsTAKEs.-As min
lister and lawyer were riding together, said
the minister to the lawyer:
"Sir, do you ever make mistakes in plead
ing?"
II do" said the lawyer.
"And what do you do with the mistakes ?"
inquired the minister.
"Why, sir, if large ones, mend them; if
small ones, l let them CO." said the lawyer.
"And pray, sir" continued he, "do you ever
make mistakes in preaching?'
Eyes, sir, have"
"And what do you do with the mistakes ?"
"Why, sir, dispose of them in the same
manner you dol rectify the large ones, and
pass the small ones. Not long since," con-
tinued he, "as was preaching, I meant to
observe that the devil was the father of liars J;
but made mistake, and said the father of
loryers. The mistake was so small that | let
itg,."
ees~ "Neal & Pray" was the title of house
in New England, of which both members were
anything but religiously inclined. "Robb &
Steel" was another firm of which both men,
bers were noted for their honorable charac-
ter-quite as much so as "Wright & Justice" ="
who we're their neighbors. "U. Ketchum &
l. Cheatam" is well-known old incongruity !;
bat the marriage of Benjamin Bird aged six.
ty to Julia Chaff, aged twenty, showing than
an old bird may be ''caught by chaff," is not
50 familiar; nor is the marriage of George
Virtue to Susan Vice. These collections of
familiar names are "odd' enough and so it
is when we find in newspaper paragraph
that John Makepeace has been arrested for
instigating riot, or when Parson Playfair is
charged with cheating at cards. "Southern
& Western, dealers in Eastern produce" is a
sign that might have been seen in Boston
twenty years ago.
nas- don't believe much in the Bible" said
a collegian to an old Quaker. docs thee be-
leve in France?" "Yes, do. 1 never saw
it, but have plenty of proof that there is
such country "'Then thee does not believe
anything unless thee or thy reliable friends
have seen it ?" "No, to be sure won't" did
thee ever see thy own brains?" "Nc." "Did
thee ever know anybody that has seen thy
brains?' "No." "Does thee believe thee has
any brains%
saT In Detroit police court, recently, when
a man was about to be tried for assault and
battery, he brought forward his boy, ten years
old, as witness. The judge asked the lad if
he knew the nature Of an oath, and the boy
said his father had explained it to him.
"What did he say?" asked the justice. "He
said," replied the boy, "that if didn't swear
that the other fellow struck first, he'd tan the
whole hide off my back" He wasn't used on
the stand
Bay A few days ago very handsome lady
entered dry goods house and inquired tor a
"beau" The polite clerk threw himself back
and remarked that he was at her service.
eyes, but I want buff, not green one, D."
was the reply. The young man went to
measuring goods Immediately.
pa A lady wishes some one would invent
''legometer," to attach to mems pedals, so
that wives may determine the distance trav,
eled by their husbands when they want to
'just step down to the postoffice," of an even