The Leavenworth weekly times. [volume] (Leavenworth, Kan.) 1870-1880, 1874-02-12
GRANGE SECRETS.
An Exposure by One Who has
Been Through the Mill.
How the Initiating Exercises are
Conducted.

1
On being brought into the ants-room Of
the lodge (Greengrocer Temple, No. 1Ol,) l
vas told that had been talloted for and nc.
copied. Ny informant. Who Vas securely
naked BY what Afterwards learned vas .
large burdock leaf. perforated with holes for
the eye., told me thst il valued my life it
would be necessary for me to strip. A I
did consider that Of considerable worth TO
me. and % he it ,licized his wishes By care
le.ely playing with seven shooter, ! with
drew from my garments With eaRernefs. Ny
naked friend tLsn furnished me With re9a-
liza Of the first degree-called "The Festive
oIoughboy"-which consisted merely Of one
large cabbage leaf attached tn . vaist band
Of potato vises. In this airy co-tume was
conducted to the door. where my companion
gave three distinct rsps. Il was securely
bliudfolded BY binding . slice Of rutabagas
over each eye.) A sepulchral voice from
within a.kef: "Who comes?'
: Ny guide answered: A youthful sgricnl-
turist who desires to become 4 granger.
Sepulchral Voice-Hsve you looked him
carefully over?
Guide-I have noble gste-keepe..
s. V.-Do you find any agricultural
marks about his persrn!
Guide-I do.
6. WHAT are they?
Guide-,he candidate has carroty HAIR,
reddish vhirkers and = turnup nose.
s.V.-'Tis we'll. Why do you desire to
become q granger.
Guide-(an,vering for candidate-That
msy thereby be the better enabled to har
row up the felIings Of the rsscally politi
clans.
8. V.-You will bring in the candidate
Nv worthy stirling, ~ you cannot see, l
will cau.e You to feel that you are received
at the door on the three points Of pitch.
fork, piercing the region of the stomach,
which Is to teach You three great virtues
faith, hope and chalty. Faith in yourself,
! hope for cheaper farm machinery. and chs.-
| ity for the IighiniDg-rod Peddler. You will
nov be harnessed, and in representation Of
the horae, Peeseus. will be tested rs to en-.
durance and wind.
| The cindidste il here attached to . small
immitation pillow, BY means of . hempen
harness. A dried pumpkiD-vine Is put in his
mouth for bit and bridle-he il made to
get down upon fours. then seiaes the bride,
and urged By granger armed with Cana
da thistle, which be vigorously applies At
be terminus of the spine. the candidate lie
gsllopcd three times around the room.
While making the circuit the members arise
and sing.
Get 1p and dust you bully boy,
VINO would Mt be granger:
4 II the thistle. prick don't ca se you y,
TO feeling yod must b estrarsed. an.
After this violent exercise he Is rubbed
DRY with corn cobs, beesvaxed where thisiled,
and brought G,anding up before the great
chisf-the most vorsbipful pumpkin head.
NJ. w. P. H.-Hhy do yop deaire to be .
granger?
Candidate -(ansvering for himself, That
I may learn to extinguish sewing machines
agents.
II. w. p. H.-Havs your hands been
hardened with tDil.
Candidate-Not extensively, but then 1
am not running for sfsce.
n: w. p. HTS yell, for lodges con-
tain several who are opposed 70 be ready to
.acrifce themselves for the good Of their con-
stituents. Do you feel pretty smart this eve
ming.
Candidate--Yes, where the bustle goes
~ VI p H-lnv.oelv)-Eiva me n
chaw of tobacker!
Candidate searching himself thoroughly,
but as there is no place about him to stick q
pocket. tries TO explain. but the most wor'
shipinl pumPkin-bead Pumbs him with:
Never mind, my Gear young iriendIA
am we'll sware thaf In your present condi'
tion, you can no more furnish your ifieDos
with the weed than Adam could be comfort
able in . plug hat and tight boots II u
merely to teach you the great Lesson OF
economy-doing to Others .. you'd like TO
have them to you. You will nov Be con-
Quoted 10 the most eminent squash. producer,
who will teach You the grand haiiine sign OF
distress. The sign, my worthy orother, Will
insure against many OF the Ills Of the asr1
culturist-amongst Others, against droueths,
and being bitten BY the feroc'ous grass'
hopper"
The candidate 10 nov Con 1ucted to the most
eminent squash producer. who thus says;
''My worthy brother, will now lnyest you
with the order Of the fe-tive pionghboy,
which you have veil won by your heroic
achievement while harnessed = may you ever
wear it with pleasure 10 yourself and may 1t
be means Of terror to your enemies
Cite NJ. E. 8. P. then proceeds to invest
the candidate With the regalia OF the festive
Plough boy, which consists OF long tomato
necklace.)
''The grand hailing sign Of distress Is made
gently closing the lett eye, laying the right
fore-6nge alone-ide the nose, and violently
wagging the ears. II requires practice, but
the advantages gained are intense 1t also
has an important signi6eation, which you
will 20 veil to heed. The closing o: the eye
signifies that in oil your dealings with man
kind you are bound to have an eye to bust.
nesa. Laying the finger alongside the noss
Is emblem .tscAl of wisdom, and places you
at once among the knowing ones This h
extremely handy in proenosticating new
weather, and saver the ~ear and tear Of al
manacs WaRging the ears signifies subliM.
ity OF purpose. and Is thought to Be emblem
aiical Of 'childhood's happy houre. Il y
also suppoeed by some profound scholar e
have q distinct reference to apple dumplines,
but this fact is somewhat obscure by the dusl
of aees. 10 token that you are one Of ~, you