The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1874-02-06
LIVELY.

A blacksmith is always striking
for wages.
When is thief like a reporter !?
When he takes notes.
Mrs. Sue New on is the pioneer
editor in Texas.
A marriage on a railway train
may properly be called e railroad
tie.
Never kick q man when he is
down, unless you are sure he can't
get up.
Au Illinois man has invented g
steam Jackass. AS if a steam one
were necessary.
If you want to make a hustle in
the world, take five newspapers
and piece of tape.
In pocket-picking. as in every
thing else, a man never succeeds
until he gets his hand in.
The Detroit Free Press occupies q
column in detailing its scoops" On
other local journals of the town.
A newspaper, published in a
Western State, speaks of telegraph
operation as ''jerking the forked
lightning"
"Came to his death while being
hit on the head with a long-handIed
stewpsn in the hands of his wife,"
was the verdict in recent case in
Illinois,
"Closed in consequence of a debt
in the family" is the commuuica-
tive announcement on the doo~ of
fugitive tradesman in a neighbour.
ing city.
A printer remarks that he has
never been able to give q proof of
the pudding till it was locked up
in his form. COR the ''pi" either,
perhaps.)
An editor of many words charac-
terizes a self-puffing popular ballad
singer" as ga large-siZed fraud, q
penurious, puffed-up bag of gassy
egotism."
The Cincinnati Inquirer remarks
ga gentle stream of Christmas
champagne seemed to meander
through the editorial columns of the
Gazette yesterday"
The Missouri Fl arrisonian adYer-
tises four hundred and twenty cow
bells for sale, aud explains that it
took them from a hardware man
in payment for job WORK.
1t is stated that new weekly
paper called the Jim and Eliza
Journal, has been started in Miss
issippi. Jim and Eliza are sup
posed to be the editor and his wife.
Rev. Gent.-aBut you really can
have no serious reasons to wish to
be parted from your wife," Rustic.
-"Well, no, Sir. I like my wife
well enough, but, y0u see, she don't
please mother"
A French chausseur has invented
boot with small wheels attached
to the soles as n means of facilitat-
ing human progress. Most men,
however, will prefer to wear their
casters on their heads.
A young gentleman at Kansas
City sent seventy-fiye cents to New
York recently Cor a method of
writing without pen or ink. He
received the following inscription
on q card: write with pencil"
News is scarce in Minnesota. In
the effort to present something
fresh, Lanesboro paper has found
| it necessary to publish the Ten
| Commandments, under an excuse
of ga gentle reminder now and
then"
SCI am weary of life-bury me
deep on the hillside" wrote a
yong man ia Dubuque; but they
| pumped him our. and that same
! night he went to the circus and
laughed till he cried, at the trick
mules.
Could any thing be neater than
the old darkey's reply to beauti-
full young lady whom he offered to
lift over the gutter, and who insist
ed that she was too heavy2 "Lor,
missus," "I'se used to lifting bar
rels of sugar"
A Western paper speaks of the
house cleaning season as that when
divine woman have her own way
at the house, while the ''old man"
takes his solemn repast from
the top of the fiour-barrel, and, in
sleeping, enjoys the freedom of the
interval between his bedroom and
the front fence. It is a season of
meditation, whiteWash and calm,
unimpassioned profanity.
An Irishmsn remarked to his
compassion, on observing q lady
pass: "Pat, did You ever see &c
: thin a woman as that before P
/ ''Thin," replied the other, "bother
r ashun, I seen one as thin as two o
, her pnt together, have"