Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1874-05-28
Wit. HumOr and Wisdom.

OMAHA claims to have Russian
nobleman in it's telegraph office. His
name is Alexis A. de Perwinotf, and the
Count was exiled for his republican
predictions.
AN Irishman remarked to COM
panion, on observing a lady pass,
"Pat, did you ever sec so thin a
woman as that before ?''-'' Thin !" re-
piled the other; botllerashun! I've
seen Quo as thin as two of her put
together, L have.''
AN interesting little boy, timid when
left alone in q dark room, was overheard
loneliness, "Oh, Lord, don't let any
one hurt me, and I'll go to church
next Sunday, and give you some
money"
Two young Irishmen happened to
get into all atl;ray in which one Of them
was knocked down. His comratlc ran
mp to him, and cried out, "Zounls,
Dennis, if We be dead can't yc spake %
I'm not dead, but spacneless. said
tho other.
AN Irish post-boy having driven a
gentleman long stage during torrents
Of rain, the gentleman civily said to
him, "Paddy are you not very wet?'
"Arrall, don't care about bein' very
wot, but, PLACE your honor, I'm very
dry
A BENGAL paper supplies neat in
stance of confusion of metaphor. Criti-
cising the income tax, our contemporary
hopes the government will not re-
peat the blunder of killing the calf
which daily produces the golden cgg.' -
AMERICAN, Cooking at the long bill
just presented -" Wal, I guess you,
air an old boss - Waiter" Old boss,
sir What dye mean, sir?" Amcri-
can-"Wal, just that you're famous
charger, for sure !'-Punch.
LYNCH law is probably based on the
spirit of an old saying. When dcSpera-
docs abound, honest people surrender
to their leaders an "ynch," and they
take an ~ and make code called
"Lynch Law
"ALAs said tho nurse who attended
the witty divine, Sidney Smith, in his
last illness, II have made q mistake
and give you bottle of ink" "Thcn,"
said tho dying wit, fetch me all the
blotting paper there is in tho house. ~
| A WESTERN orator who, warming
with his subject, exclaimed "There
is not Il man, woman or child in this
house, who has arrived ut the age of
fifty years, but has felt this truth thnn-
lering through their minds for cen
turtles"
ApARrY of young men dined sumptu-
ously ut a restaurant in Atlanta, and
each one insisted on paying the bill.
10 decide the matter, it was proposed
to blindfold the waiter, and the first
one he caught should pay the bill.
He hasn't caught any Of them yet.
IN THE STRING.
III the spring fuller crimson comes upon the rob-
| ins breast:
In the spring III. wanton lapwings gets himsclf an
In the spring vcllcr iris changes on the FURNISH
| cd,dovc
In the spring young mans fancy lightly turns to
| thoughts of love.
| In describing the recent debut of a
young lady, whose friends went into
rapt,lrcs over her performance, Jones
says: "They applautled her when
she opened her mouth they applalle.l
her when she shut it they applau.lcl
her when she kicked the stool; and l
very believe they would have applaud
cd her had she kicked the buckct!'
ALWAYS have book within your reach
which you may catch up ut you odd
minutes. Resolve to edge in little
reading every day, if it is but Il single
sentence. If You can give fifteen min
utes every day, it will he felt ut the
endof theyc Regulate your thoughts
when not at study A man is think
ing, even while ut work. Let him think
we'll.
A YOUNG man was carving goose at
Il duucr-tablc one day, when by an
awkward move he knocked it into the
lap Of lady who was sitting opposite,
i'll all the glory Of green satin dress.
Instead OF showing his vcrtlancy 10y
profuse apologies, and II confused man.
ncr, he simply said: "I'll tronblc
You for that Goose, Miss" Can tn.
annals Of society furnish an example
Of Self-DOsseSsiOn more snblimc2