The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-01-24
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES

them was the monopoly the grangers WI
talking shout" When he saw the engine com
putting and blowing up the track his admiration
knew 40 bounds, and in ecstacy he exclaimed
I'm have wun Nv them things if 1T costs ii"
dollars"
In Tennessee forty-three men VITO were draw
on jury were released because they had youuI
babes at home. TIE judge Indignantly adio0rn
~d the court antR the baby season is over
An exchange says: "Does hanging proven
murdery" We hate to takle 3 conundrum OF thi
kind but our rrivate opinion is that it dtes pre-
vent IT, There is no case on record OF persoI
committing murder after nc has been success
fully hanged This style Of treatment seems t
reform them in some way,
The Co,lsier-Jou,nal says The Editor
Drawer in Haypers Monthly tells OF negro maj
who recently deceased in Bangor at the age o
III; years There used to be q young man II
This Office who was addicted to the pce Of writing
deceased when he should have written died, but
we had h i'm taken out and shot"
The steam jackass, of which an account is
going the rounds Of the papers, was invented
anilkslinger on the ST. Louis Globe. The in
yentor applied for a patent, bot was refused on
the ground that the principle Of human braynr
through the tracked of iaokass is as old ST
the bills.
Saws the Morris Herald: " In exchange thinks
il worthy of local item, ths fact that lady o
that town "fouTsd fine fat turkey in her stock
inn New Years morning" That's nothing
Plenty of womxss in Morris found fine fat cahcs
in their stockings New Yea morning"
LOYALTY is assuming new shape out in Colorado.
An exchange speaking OF a holiday celebration,
says; "Thcre vas some benzinc taken in by a
cw during the day, but they did it more oat of
compliment to General Grant than for Gry de
sire to have fan themselves"
How muck of our hoync comforts are depend.
ent upon the intelligence Of servants dacs daily
illustration, For example; Old lady at a dinner
party Old lady deaf end provided with ear
trumpet Gid lady inte-rogated by well mean
ing waitress. "WiE fle have some squash"
Old lady Inexpensive, and extends earclrumpct
toward waitress whC deposits squash therein
and passes on.
" His slsnderous soul is imbued with the cleo
trc light Of hell. HIS black heart emits the
sulphurogs fumes till his whole natureis absorb
ed in one homogeneous mass of hcllishness," is the
way Greenyille Tennessee, editor puHverized
person who sanden8d him.
The material fact WAS suppressed in the
despatch announcing the hanging Of 4 man at
Weston, Mo-, for wearing Squeezing boots
that it cured the boots.
The Louisville Ceu,Ter-Jour"ai premises its
support to the CIesswcll postal saving bank
project on condition that the scheme be enlarged
TO include a saloon attachment
An Omaha schOolboy lately defined lady to
be "a grown up girl, who doesn't euss NOR swear"
Southern pepper tersely says of a man who
was kicked by horse, THAT his life wSs extinct
for some time"
The following was in the papecs scmc years
ago, but now that Caleb Cushing has. once more
come 10 the surface it will bear repeating. Once
upon a tiRe,-itmust have been thirty or forty
years aso-Miss Hannah f. Gould wrote and sent
to Cushing the following epitaph:
Lie aside, all We dead
For in the next bed
Repeses the body Of Cush
Who elbOyed his way.
Through the world, as they gay,
Aud perhaps, now he's dead
Hellbe pushing.
Mr., Gushing, who 10 poet A. well as lawyer,
rctorted as follows
Here lies one whose wit
without woundng, could hit.
May the turf lie lightly aboyc.hsr;
She has sentcvery beau,
To the region below
And has gone down herself for = lover.
The loss Of the Vrginus causes the Brooklyn
ArJ7s TO make the following cpigram
Eight iaihoms deep lies this ere .hip,
Eight fathoms deep lies she,
And in her hulk shall make their homes
The monsters Of the sea"
That's why say" adds Captain Sail
mo much agi'n my wish
That why say that She lies there,
y triumph for the Fihn
According to the Peru HaaH, The only diner.
Gnce between the iavoritc beverage, of Peru and
la Sale Is, that after partakng Of Peru chain
lightning you Immediately make = short cut to
the railroad and 20 10 sleep on the tack Nv here
as after imbibing \ little of la SALES bottled
insanity, burning desire takes Possession or
youto steal 4 horse and buggy.
The peryersity 0f the L. 5. Senate, in refusing
10 confirm Attorney General Williams MS Chicl
ju.lien, has nearly raincd the LodFr Almaaac
~ thai inla'lible authority places IN the let o
It's principle officers Of the u. ;. the name o
Geo. II. Williams As chief justice and u. u Bris
tow a. attorney general.
The Henry RspabEco4 gives new method -
catching ducks" as largely practiccd by tn,
'fclloWs' in that vicinity 1t is to go to = iarInOI
lwho has a good looking daughter) aud lool, al
his horses, pigs, de, talk largely of buying SONG
then 20 into the house and warm, and then catch
% duck" for the next oyster supper or dance.
The Providence Or. H. Jo4ci,ol SAYS a stnIwart
healthy hcggar was arrested at that place on
New Year tor pursuing his profession with the
aid of the following unique appeal:
Providence, Ri, in the year Of our Lord. 1874
Gentlemen and ladies: VIII yoil be so Kind us ,c
@i'c me ieg cents 10 pay my fare 10 Camden
NJ Five cents, my kind friends.
have long wthstood bis grace,