The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-03-14
VARIETY.

\ Melting Good Friday sermon being preached
in a country church, all wept except one man,
who on being asked why he did not weep as well
as the rest Pc Oh :" replied he, Z" belong to
another parish"
drunken Irishman was found by his friends,
the other night, lying in the snow, with his heels
placed upon the fence, warming his toes by
moonlight. lie was muttering ' What cowld
fire you have got, Biddy, darling; have on some
earrysane or my futs will fraze."
- The evidence shows that he sot up with her
night after night and they squose hands and
talked soft, and think she ought to have S23
damages" was the charge of Kansas Judge to
a jury in a breach Of promise case.
The custodian Of what had been Garibaldi's
straw bed in Ischa was heard to mutter, ON see
ing lady carrying away few straWs as a relic,
They will do it I've stuffed it six times already
since the General left"
case Of a retired miIkman, who says he never
sees can of water without having an almost
irresistible desire TO put some milk into it.
The following advertisement appears in a Cana
dian paper: . viii the gentleman who stole nv
melons last Saturday night be generous enough to
return me few OF the seeds, as they are choice
variety 25-
Dean Ramsay says the Earl of IauderdaIe
suffered from iHsonIaia. and bafled the doctors
They could not get the Earl TO sleep. His son.
who was simple" said :-'s Sem for that preach
ing man frae Livingstone, for fayther aye sleeps
in the kirk" IL was done, says the Dean, with
the best result
\ lady writes to the Grand Rapids, Michigan,
Eaqle offering 20 furnish 80 some stOrys - for the
paper, and says in postscript: IN. can
send you sum PONIES to, sum real pretty verses if
you desire that writ myself, for can writ PONIES
as we'll as storys." The editor is ungallant
enough 10 decline the prOfered throes Of genius,
r
panic.
EUROPEAN FORTUNEs.-Alfonzo BarranO, a
tive Of Spain, died pauper at Dayton, Ohio, the
other week, without knowing that deceased
brother Of his had Left him fortune Of S33 ,000-
900 in the Philippine Islands. But his daughter,
Mrs. Giroud, owner and engineer of a stern-wheel
peanut-stand, in New Orleans, is now reaching
Tor the money If we had an immensely opuIcnt
brother, or uncle, or aunt, or grandmother, on
the other side of the ocean, we would thousand
times rather he or she would bequeath a five
hundred dollar bull-pup, than fortune of $780,
OOO, 900; for, while they make it point over
there never to deliver one Of those big fortunes
until the Greek calends, the chances are ten to
one that the dog would arrive by the very next
steamer.-COuTI Journal.
Boss Tweed, says the Cincinnati Commercial,
is now TO appear in five tabeaux. The first rep
resents him honest chair-maker, earning
his bread by tue sweat Of his face, and providing
for 4 small but interesting family. The second
represents him n fireman, the foreman of '' Big
SIX - engine, running with the machine, strug
Cling with the deyouring element, and performing
heroic deeds, including the rescue Of woman
and her small child from the fifth story of
burning house. The third represents the first
stages of his career as a politician, when he
managed the interests Oi his ward pulled the
wires for his party, felt ambitious to be states
man.. and earned the meaning of spoils and
pIunder The fOnrth represents him at the height
ha nTFa1
and glory rs Boss of New York, pocketing the
fruits Of his big robberies, living like Prince,
and distributing his smiles and frOwns according to
his caprice, or the price paid for them Finally,
in the fifth, he is represented at the culhhnation
Of his career spending the rest Of his life as a
convict in the Pcnitentiary. The peculiarity Of
these tabIeaux Is shat by very slight change, the
features Of the principal figure may be transformed
into those Of any other plundering politician
The Chicago TTn,es tells the following yarn
about the Indians ut the Exposition: - When
they reached the gallery they sang several hymns,
and danced war breakdOwns till the arches trem-
bled Then they descended, and went TO the
north end 10 look at the machinery. There was
several buzz saws, large circular ones, revolving
ut the rate Of ever so many thousand times IN
minute OF more. The Indians were deeply inter
e-teI spectatOrs and a Milwaukee man with
wooden leg noticed them. He had often read IN
sunday School books that the North American
Indian is n great imitatOr, and he determined to
test the truth of the assertion. 30 what did this
Milwaukee man do but stick his left timber
before the saw and in a twinkling the lower part,
boot and all, was lying on the floor To say
Thin BilIey was astOnIshed would be but a mild
way Of expressing his feelings. He looked at the
boot, and ne looked at the man. Then he tra5-
ically remarked, IN his own native language
.. IL shall never be said that pale face was more
heroic than an Indian chief lie folded his
blanket more closely about his body, gave look
oI scorn at the surrounding whites, and then
stuck one OF his legs in front OF the swift revoiv
ing cutter But no sooner had he done than
he was more astonished than ever. He gave a
YELL and, frightened nearly TO death, the attend
ant shut of the steam, and the saw ceased It's
revolutions Perhaps it was not demolished by
the other Indians There wasn't left piece big
enough for fine comb and the attendant afore-
said Just escaped with his life. In the meantime
the Milwaukee man had disappeared, and has not
been seen since. As BlackfoOt and friends were
leaving the hall, he was heard to say - 'Osaw
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