Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1874-05-09
SAYINGS AND D0INGS.

A YANKEE wanted Lue DElugt Ot OlBuh
pointed out to him, and then offered to
bet America had several bridges twice
the size.
SHE tied the halter to her waist, and
led the COW to water; the brute took
fright, and gave a twist" Ny daugh-
ter oh, my daughter
SEVEN Sandusky women started out
on a crusade, bat meeting a lady with a
new spring bonnet on, they turned and
gossipped and went home.
THE marriage license Of Nj. Jefferson,
the will OF George Washington, and the
Will of Kosciusko have been placed in
the Virginia state library.
THE height Of ability consists in
thorough knowledge of the real value
OF things, and of the genius of the sge
we live in. --R0chctoucauld.
A CoLQUITT Georgia. minister hav-
ing become a father the thirty second
time, a local paper suggests that the boy
benamed "Call Quit.
| A MARRIED WOMAN Of fifty in Dayton,
Nevada, has eloped with a youth Of tif-
teen, and it isn't stated whether she pro-
poses to be his mother or grandmother.
If Kentucky man will shoot his best
friend in a dispute about a ffty-cept
umbrella, what would he do in case
some one drove his. best COW to the
/ pound?
JENNIE JUNE wants the women to
wear cork bustles to s4ve themselves
from drowning, but safer way would
be to strap on a yawl boat and provisions
for three days.
DANIEL GRAVES, an Alabamian, was
! praying in church the other dav, when
| his revolver went off and shot him in
the leg. There seems to be moral
here somewhere.
/ A New YoBK paper says that Vir-
| ginia mule is two pegs above New
York coroner in point of intelligence and
/ sagacity, though it doesn't want to hurt
any coroners feelings.
An Iowa Judge has decided that it is
! mc-e of a sin to steal horse than to
elope with another mans wife, because
! there are 5000, 600 woman in the Uni
ted States and only 5000, 900 horses.
WHEN you see a bare-headed man
following a COW through the front gste,
ard filing the air with garden imple-
ments and profanity, you may know that
his cabbage plants have been set out.
A WHOLE generation of parents al
ready occupies this mundane spherewho
cannot describe to inquiring childhood
q warming pan, ,foo5-stoye, tinder-box,
a brick-oven, a crane, or a candle-mold.
The Observation-Disclosures has declared
in favor Of cremation, and stases that tie
Almighty can raise man from the dead
whose body had been burned, just as
easily as he could raise one whose body
had been buried
WHEN New Orleans proudly shows
Quebec a shirt front stained with fresh
strawberry juice, the latter triumphantly
exhibits to New Orleans a sore on the
side of the nose, made by a mosquito of
this years growth.
-Advces from Little Rock represent
Brooks men as ont of meat. When
those Arkansas fellows complain ofbeing
out of meat you may rest assured that
the chickens of the neighborhood are
roosting uncemmonly high
THE West Chester Pennsvlvania)
News takes a practical view of the ere.
matiou question. 1t says With some
people cremation is only a question Of
time. If it don't come in tins world it
/ is sure to come in the next.
/ SOMEBODY boasts in a western news.
paper Of being the happy possessor of a
first-class oroide watch which runs M
hour in forty minutes, and with the as
sistance of two hands has gained enough
to pay for itself in three weeks.
THERE is something very sensible in
the impromptu remark of a pretty girl :
"If our Maker thought it wrong for
Adam to live single when there was not
I q woman on earth, how criminally wrong
are the old bachelors, with the world
full of pretty girls !"
-Sylvanus thinks it would be a good
thing to say, when the governor blows
up and you as obstinate as mule
Like enough, when you have an ass
for father Sylvanus does not mean
to try this himself. He has no occasion.
Any boy that wants it may have it,
SHE entered the omnibus and looked
around, and said loudly to her grand
daughter "No seat Well, let's get
cut; unless that man will give me his
seat" The man didn't do anything of
the kid, but she sat down, and pulled
two dress skirts eff the belts and was
happy
A NEAT reply was made by Minnesc-
ia editor to man who stopped his
paper, giving as one reason that his
wife said sit won't even clean lamp-chim-
news" The editor stated that the sub
scriber could be no gentleman, for he
had "no right to betray what his wife
told him i'll confidence.
THouGH many are familiar with the
word blackguard, few know its origin.
1t was given, according 70 Ben Jonson,
to a regiment of low, mean dependents,
who hung about the palaces of the great,
doing the most menial services, and
when they were en- route, with pot and
pan, coal and ashes, the people said,
1uCIS ~ tAO plhoh6 dtAuo'
In the will of the late Countess of
Loudoun, just proved, her ladyship,
after desiring that her funeral may be as
quiet as possible, goes on to say: 81
futher wish my right hand to be cut off
aud burie in the park at Castle Doning-
ton at the bend of the hill to the Trent,
and a small cross or stone over it, with
the motto, 4 hyde my tyme."
THE editor of the indianapolis SEN
, tinel wagered 500 with a young
lady that she could not refrain from
speaking during an entire week. He
, escorted the young lady to the opera,
bribed members of the family to try
and entrap her, and resorted to various
, other expedients for starting her
tongue, but she won the bet, and the
editor of the Sentinel is probably
wiser man ON the woman business than
he was one week ago.
EiNyor rcrrATuDs ava IN high anIFifa over