The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1874-07-16
SAnoersp!1 ynte4igelleer.
A Curious Pleasure Excursion on the Comet.

enlargement of the comet for special trip of
pleasure among the celestials We have pri-
vate information from Mr. Barnum that he
intends delaying the departure of the comet
for a few days, in order to take on board lot
of carpet-baggers from South Carolina. who
are alarmed at the recent attitude of President
Grant towards their class, and are desirous OF
seeking fresh fields and pastures new in which
to ply their peculiar vocation:
ADVERTISEMENT
This is to inform the public that in connec-
ton with Mr.. Barnum have leased the comet
for a term of years and desire also to solicit
the public patronage in favor OF beneficial
enterprise which we have in view.
We propose to fit up comfortable, and even
luxurious, accommodations in the comet for as
many persons as will honor us with their pat
ronare, and make an extended excursion among
the heavenly bodies. Weshall prepare ,O0O,-
600 state rooms in the tail of the comet with
hot and cos water, gas, looking glass, para
chute, umbrella, &C., in each, and shall con-
struct more if we meet with q sufficiently gen
erons encouragement. We shall have billiard
rooms, card rooIns, music rooms, bowling alleys
and many spacious theatres; and on the main
deck we propose to have driving park, with
upwards of 10000 miles of roadway in it.
We shall publish daily newspapers also.
DEPARTURE OF THE COMET.
The comet will leave New York at 10 p. m.
on the goth inst, and therefore it will be de-
sirable that the passengers be on board by
eight at the latest, to avoid confusion in getting
under way. It is not known whether passports
will be necessary or not, but it is deemed best
that passengers provide them, and so guard
against all contingencies. No dogs will be
allowed on board. This rule has been made in
Difference to the existing state of feeling re-
garding these animals and will be strictly ad-
hered to. The safety of the passengers will in
all ways be jealously looked to. A substantial
iron railing will be put all around the comet,
and no one will be allowed to go to the edge
and look over unless accompanied by either
my partner or myself
THE POSTAL SERVICE
will be of the completest character. Of course
the telegraph, and the telegraph only, will be
employed, consequently, friends occupying
state rooms, 2o0oo,00o and even 3O,ooo,oo99
miles apart, will be able to send a message and
receive reply inside of eleven days. Night
messages will be half rate. The whole of this
vast postal system will be under the personal
superintendence of Mr.. Hale, of Maine
Meals served in state rooms charged extra
Hostility is not apprehended from any great
planet, but we have thought it best to err on
the safe side, and therefore have provided
proper number of mortars, siege guns and
boarding pixies. History shows that small,
isolated communities, such as the people of
remote islands, are prone to be hostile to stran-
gers, and so the same may be the case with
THE INHABITANTS OF STARS
of the tenth or twentieth magnitude. We
shall in no case wantonly offend the people of
any star, but shall treat all alike with urbanity
and kindness, never conducting ourselves to.
ward an asteroid after. a fashion which we could
not.venture to assume toward Jupiter or Saturn.
I repeat that we shall not wantonly offend any
star; but at the same time we shall promptly
resent any injury that may be done us, or any
insolence offered us, by parties or governments
residing in any star in the armament. AL
though averse to the shedding of blood, we
shall still hold this course rigidly and fearless
", not only toward single stars, but toward
consultations. We shall hope to leave good
impression of America behind us in every ma
ton we visit, from Venus to Uranus. And, at
all events, if we cannot inspire love we shall,
at least compel respect for our country wher-
ever we go. We shall take with u.s. free of
charge,
a GREAT FORCE OF MISSIONARIES
and shed the true light npon all the celestial
orbs which, physically aglow, are yet morally
in darkness. Sunday schools will be estab
lished wherever practicable. Compulsory edu-
cation will also be introduced.
The comet will visit Mars first and then pro-
eeed to Mercury, Jupiter, Venus and Saturn.
Parties connected with the government OF the
District of Columbia and with the former city
government of New York, who may desire to
IL. oil op6
every facility. Every star of prominent mag
nitude will be visited, and time allowed for
excursions to points Of interest inland.
THE DOG STAR
has been stricken from the programme. Much
time will be spent in the Great Bear, and, in
deed, in every constellation of importance.
WAY, otherwise the Gulf Stream of the skies.
Clothing suitable for wear in the sun should
be provided. Our programme has been so ar
ranged that we will seldom 60 more than l00,-,
100000 of miles at time without stopping at
some star. This will necessarily make the
stoppage frequent and preserve the interest of
the tourist Baggage checked through to any
point on the route. Parties desiring to make
only a part of the proposed tour, and thus save
expense may stop over at any star they choose
and wait for the return voyage.
After visiting all the most celebrated stars
and consultations in our system and personally
inspecting the remotest sparks that even the
most powerful telescopes can now detect in the
armament, we shall proceed with good heart
upon
sTUPENDOUS VOYAGE
of discovery among the countless whirling
worlds that make turmoil in the mighty wastes
of space that stretch their solemn solitudes,
their unimaginable vastness billions upon bill
lions of miles away beyond the farthest verge
of telescope vision, till by comparison the lit
tie sparkling vault we used to gaze at on Earth
shall seem like remembered phosphorescent
fash of spangles which some tropical voyagers
which ten thousand miles of phosphorescent