The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1874-07-09
Organizing a Grange
BY THE FAT coNrRiBUroR.

BY THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.
The epidemic has at last reached ouI
quiet little village here in Central
New York, and the people are crazy
to become Grangers. "A hardy farmer
from the neighboring city of Utica
came up the other night and made a
| stirring speech regarding the Patrons
of Husbandry, as the order is called,
of which he claimed to be a promi-
nent officer, and after the speech steps
were taken toward the organization OF
a grange. Only one farmer was pres
ent, others who came not being able
to gain admission, as the hall was
crowded before they arrived. But
that isn't very material in a Grange,
am told.
The horny-handed farmer from
Utica was made chairman offhe meet
ing, and after several stirring speech
es had been made on subjects more or
less remote from agriculture, persons
who desired to enroll themselves as
Changers were invited to step forward.
There was great rush for the stand,
when a woman's shrill voice cried,
"Hold ]" Elbowing her way to the
front she claimed the right to be en-
rolled first.
"What have you done ?" asked the
chairman, somewhat sternly, "enti-
tling you to be raised among the Pat
rons of Husbandry?" ?"
ssRaised 'leven daughters" was the
proud reply. Cali got husbands. and
if amt Patron of Husbandry I'd
like to know who is?" She was re-
ceiyed at once with cheers.
A carpenter claimed to be some
thing of farmer. Said he had worked
around a farm a good deal-built
fences around it. He had got in a
good deal of hay, too-got in out of
the rain. He added that if there was
no special objection to his joining the
Grange, he would like to become.
their carpenter and Joiner. He was
allowed to join.
A lawyer jumped on a chair and
exclaimed vociferously: "Mr. Chair
man, | claim admission into this no
BILE order. l, too, have held the plow."
"Held it on an attachment" put in
the solitary farmer sitting by, and the
lawyer subsidized amid the laughter of
the crowd.
II am one of you," said a strolling
actor. "My lot. was cast in the gar
den."
.sIu what garden ?" asked the chair.
''Eaoch 60 Arden"
He was Immediately voted a bene fit
and the village marshall, who had
pair of new cowhide boots on, treated
him to a stoga.
A retired printer wanted to get in
because ne had toiled for years with
the hoe, but on its transpiring that it
was Hoe press, he was barred out.
There was a commotion at the door
and the village dressmaker, a very
energetic woman, forced her way into
the hall.
Put me down as Grangeress,o she
cried, F'for am the champion mower"
sMower" shouted the assembly in
one breath.
Eyes, mower. Don't my customers
admit that | have mode ahead of any
body ?"
She was admitted, but the chair de-
eided they could stand no mower of
that sort. She was elected Flora, and
is ready to Flora any man who denies
her right to that honor.
One of the most extraordinary ap-
plications for membership came from
a man who had made himself crazy
over the construction of a flying ma
chine. He said some men had swung
mere scythes than he had, but he
worked mo- wing machines.
By the way. how singular it is that
farmers are SO anxious to buy reap
er and mower, although it notorious
ly goes against the grain. 1t would
seem as if reaper was sufficient
without buying any more. But once
knew a man to buy a washer and
wringer for his wife, because, as he
profanely remarked, he not only
wanted machine to washer. but to
wiring her d--n neck off.
A wag asked the attention of the /
meeting while he read the moving
poem of Little Breeehes."
''What has "Little Breeches" got to
do with farming ?" asked the boss
Granger rather testify. n
Didn't it make Hay ?" replied the
wag.
The wretch was let off, as it was
evident he had the Hay fever.
A music teacher advised farmers de-
sirous of prognostica ting the weather
to study the music OF Strauss, as
straws show which way the wind
blows.
.
The chairman remarked sarcastical-
ly, that if they kept on at that rate
they could easily transpose the Grange
into first-class retreat for lunatics
and drive the Utica Asylum clear out
of the State. He added that he had or
ganized Oranges among farmers i'll
our most populons cities, but never
had he encountered such pitiful igno-
rance regarding the farm as he found
here. He hoped they would hence
forth contine themselves strictly to
the business in hand. a ~
A tailor wanted to join on the
strength of his Sowing" and an ar
tist because he had drawn sawlogs-
drawn them with a crayon.
Enough names being at length en-
rolled, the question of the election of
officers was next in order. The chair
in looking about for q chief officer,
asked who had raised the most during
the past year. A man in the poultry
business said, when it came to chick
ems, he guessed he had raised about as
good ''crops" as anybody. A rebel
lious schoOlboy, who had thrashed |
his teacher recently. said lie raised old
Linenduster clean out of his pumps, |
and female crusader allowed that
4, l. 4 4