The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1874-05-02
VARIETY.

question from Plu4ch.-8Iinnie (inauisitiye
ehiid)-'' Mamma, you told me that ladies should
always be first, didn't you 2'' Mamma Yes
my darling, certainly Minnie Then, If you
please, why wasn't born before Willie ?''
4 Pekin (In.l woman was asked by the preacher
1t her husband feared the Lord. She replied :
% Fear HIm7 Bless you, ne is 80 feared Of Him
that he never goes out Sunday without taking his
gun along with him
The object Victoria had in sending her garter
90 young Mr.. Napoleon, at his birthday party at
ChiselhuTst last Monday, was probably to keep
the young mans stockin royalty from running
down at the heel.
gentleman in Missouri drew all OF his money
nobody knows where. Then be died suddenly
and hIs heirs wildly prospecting in all sorts Of
probable and improbable places.
''I am not used to begging" said a little girl
TO lady Of whom she asked aims, 90 because only
two weeks ago my father was a merchant =
Why, child, how could he be reduced to poverty
80 sOOnp' . He took bad twO-dolIar bill at his
peanut stand, and it ruined him. sobbed the
child.
LOUIS Taylor. Of Hartford, tried to pull a loaded
gun between the cracks Of barn door and died
which leads ths Interior Journal 10 observe; SIT
u true saying that with all the tender nursing
aud atectionate care you may possibly bestoW
upon a shotgun it will bang the stufing out of
you the first time it gets-a chance"
The Toledo BLADE says: Who would not be
President2 just think how nice it must be to be
beld responsible for everything which goes wrong
under the sun. The following postal card letter
TO the President passed through the mails few
days ago We give it in the writer's own YER
nacular:
MK- GRANT, I put letter in the post offs in
this hear tone with one cent stamp on EFT. The
Z
Post NJ say il OF two hev 2 he say he send it to
Washington, If you can find EFT thare and send
EFT to mee you will gratley 0bblige man no voted
for you twice. PAT. X. L.
Hon. Mr.. Grant, Esq, President, Washing
ton, y. y.
a funny s1ifr against editor been decided
in the Circuit Court ut Waukesha, Iowa The
Fays, proprietOrs of the La Belle House at Oeo-
nomowOc. brought an action before Justice to
recover S97 OF for meals and cigars furnished
Ashley ID. Harger, editor Of the OcOnomOwOc
Times. Harger set up counter claim of $l6O
for putting the La Belle House. Judgment
was rendered for the plaintiff, and Mr.. Harger
appealed to 4 jury. The case excited much inter
est Hnrger being well liked, and having solemn.
earnest manner of making witty remarks, He
testified that Fay would say to him: Harger,
I've got n nice dinner to-day-come in" " No,
l thank YOU, I'm going home Fay would pre-
vail on him to stay, and after dinner the follow
ing cOllOquy, - Everything in there all right,
Harger p Everything excellent - 50 Dessert all
right2'' . Excellent" - Ice cream all right?'
Delicious, Mr. Fay" 'syery we'll, remember
this In your paper next week" In return for
dinners and cigars, Harger says that he told
great many es-eiitOrially-worth more than a
thousand dollars. lie would never have presented
n bill for lies had not Fay fallen out with him and
wanted pay for the dinners. Harger pleaded his
own case and the jury found verdict for him,
which threw the costs upon the hotel keeper.
editor Of the Rocky Mountain NeIos is having
bappy time Some of the little difficulties of
journalism which he is called TO encounter were
thus related in recent number of his paper:
For one thing the wolves gnawed into his Office
and chewed up his press roller, and he had to send
thirty miles after glue to cast another The Office
yyas visited by an earthquake the next day, and
the next the editor called to 20 an
eighty-mile raid to punish Indian horse thieves.
"A his assistant editor laid up with a bullet
in his leg, these things would have discourageda an
ordinary editor bat they had no effect on him.
Us trusts that his readers will have patience until
spring opens, and apologies for the paleness Of
his paper by saying that he had run short Of ink,
and that there was none to De had within two
hundred and thirty miles.
Rut these little troubles were nothing TO his
visit from three desperadOes whom he had advised
4, ssgit" They got IN the wrong direction,
walking into his office with drawn revolvers. lie
was accidentally warned OF their approach, and
hfss slv=
,rs we're slipriug slugs into the shotgun; but
after we had sent Pearl River Jack to the silent
t,nb- and brought down Big Tom with charge
IN the hin the other party concluded that it wasn't
n healthy morning for cleaning out the Netrs.
We received slight flesh wound on the shoulder,
but nothing to prevent from issuing the Ne'rs on
time"
TRAINING HM.-Some time since, Mrs. Buck
slbv who lives over in Berrien county, directed
her son Samuel, lad Of fourteen years. to take
turu NJ the chuTn. Now as Samuel had set hls
beart ON going fishing at that very time, he
- Tot his back up and fatty refused to agitate
.b9 cream. The curvature was promptly taken
ont of ms spine by slipper, and with - tears in
bis ewes - he went on duty with the dasher. In
ahont half an hour, and during the brief absence
of his mother, his eyes fell upon plate OF hy-
poisou. and a bright, smart thought struck him.
Inst before Mrs. B. came in, Samuel lifted the
e,,aI rIotter To his face and as she entered, he
nut the poison" from his lips with the dramatic
Exclamation There, mother, guess you won {
IicL- me no more ~ Now, what did the Spartan
dame do? Did she shrek for doctor, and fall
into MYSTERIES? Not much. She simply took
Samuel bv the nap of the neck, lifted him deity
into the pantry beat the white OF six eggs to-
,atber and told him TO engulf the same instanter
he refusing she called the hired girl, and In Il
t,rinkIin1 sam found himself outside the albumen.
Then Mrs. b. began preparing mustard emetic-
Seeing this, Sans pluck dissolved, and he COM
. menced begging, crying, - was only trying to
q. sJser va - but the stern parent not to be
softened and Samuel had TO swallow the mustard.
he v-as then forced TO take dose OF pain-killer,
n and had his back rubbed with the - NIgor oi
Life and his stomach with the - OH OF GIad-
ness" Then ne vomited up everything but MS
boots and socks This being over, he took seven
Ayers Mills. two spoonsful of castor oil, tea
spoonfui of salts and blue pill. And now, II
Won want to behold the maddest boy in Michigan