davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
WIT AND IIUMOR.

A lite girl in Boston only Eve years old
said TO her mother the other day, when she pro-
posed reading to her the last number OF the Nur-
ssry: mo, mamma-don' I read me that child
isb stuff. Read me about the Beeeher case"
An Italian Prince. when he went on a Jour
ney, always took his cook with him When
rounding the abrupt angling OF a rock, which
was exceedingly perilous, he heard the cry Of a
man, the snort Of a mule and the crash of some
one falling over precipice. The horrow-,trick-
en- Prince cried out: "The cook Is 1t the
cook 7--"Ho. your e1cellency," replied the at
tendant, ait is Bat,ista." "Ah, only the chap
Lain Heaven be praised 20
-"Sir," said the astonishsd landlady to a
traveller who had sent his cup forward for the
seventh time, you must be very fond of coffee.
"Yes, madam. | am, he replied, cor should
never have drank so much water 10 yet a little f"
Folly begets folly-and when a man has ia
ken up false and untenable position he usually
manages TO cure On error in judgment by an err
Tor OF temper.
The honeymoon is ali well enough" said
prudent belle, ''but what | want 10 see beyond
that is the promise Of a fine harvest, moon
WATCHING ONES SrLY.-"whe was n boy I"
said an old man, we had a schoolma ster who ha d
an odd way o: catching idle boys One day he
called ont to us:
Boys, j must have closer attention 10 your
books. The first one of you that sees another
idle, want you 10 inform me, and will attend
10 his case"
"Ah, thought TO myself, here is ice Sim
mons that don't like. I'll watch him ard il !
see him look off of his book, I'll tell. II was
not long before | saw Joe look off his book, and
Immediately informed the master
Indeed" said he" how did you know he
was idle?"
IL saw him." said l.
'fou dd-and were your eyes on your book
when you saw him ~
was caught, and never watched for idle bows
again"
It we are sufficiently watchful over our own
conduct, We will have time TO fad fault with
the conduct of our neighbors.
An ecstatic father, publishing the birth OF
his first born in Lexington, Ky. expresses his
Joy after this fashion:
Farewell, farewell,
To iron and lin,
by Joy on earth
Doth now begin.
Ny wife and my boy
Doth give such JOY,
In the city my life
Shall be spent with my wife
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
1870.
1870. TAKE NOTICE. 1870
Are You Afflicted or SickP
USE
u = a "a n ~ e VS. :.
& BLOOD CLEANSER :
= r A ~ A G g A! ?
p A ~ A C & A!

An Alternative and Cathartic or Tonic and
Purge combined, for diseases arising from, bad
blood.
This preparation was established in 1880. and
has now been prepared in liquid form for more
than l. years. In January or February, 1870.
another party commenced to prepare a similar
article which is inferior to the genuine. and
which should not he mistaken for ours Ask
FOR ''DR FAHRNEYs BLOOD CLEANSER OR PAM.
cgA," and accept no others
The Trade Mark or label Of the oldes, and gen.
une, is printed in green on yellow wrapper
having also the signature Of p. Fshruey NJ u
Chicago.
an r. F5lrreys Heah Nr,,,rerr'' vives
the history and uses of the BLoop CLESEsER. tes-
timonisls, and other information, sent free OF
charge. Address
DIR. =. FAHRNEYS BROS. & CO.,
Wdgne'boro Frantlin County. Pa.
Ask for Dr r yabrney's Blood Cleanser and
CLEANSE YOUR BLOOD
Sold by wholesale and retail. dealers and bv
GlLKESON Il PAITIE,
Ronmcy, West Va
Also, by J. " Baker. Boomery-Cooper 4
Horn, Capon BHdRe-Danie Parish. Timber
Ridge, Frederick County Na.-Garvjn & Bro
high Niew-Bruce Gibson, Capon Springs and
Jericho Hampshire county, West va. q
Mcdonald, Capon Brdge-Sydnor Mcdonald
Hanging Rock Cooper. Horn & Carrier. Plsnssn,
Dale, Hampshire county
THOS. II. y. ELLIOTT,
7roveling Aycn',
June so, 1871.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
DR.. RADWAY'5
PGTfGGtPwIatiTG

perfectly as'e'css elegantly coated with s~c., g.,
PURGE regulate. purify cleanse nud s..anytt,sn 80
W. Pilt Tor ts cure of AZ sriers of lie stoulseb
lLFrr fnwcis, Kidneys, BLADDER Harvogs Uis..es.
Headache tonsupatnn. CUsiissues- Tnflgesfigr ~
Iegsi1 Blinusness, Billions Fever Iufaur59fig5 - ~.
RDwrIE Piles and on Drr8ugFuenfs oI fTe Tr,fsr~si
Aitcefa Warranted te cn'c. ro.itlse cure pureiv
druEs ~
a fewdoscs ~ RADwAY's PILLS VIII free N. -.
I'm nom at fhF above rHrr tIfHrIrra Frs - 80 -
per HoN SOLD HF DtUoFi-T- CIV
READ FALSE AND 1ErE Send oro ,.,t.-
stamp % HAuNAY 70 GO ~ 81 Fsrrrs ~ 80
Nors Information worth thousands viii - sent yoa
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

49,I67 Grand Cash Gifts amount
ing TO --...-..-.. $500, 600
% Prizes an Real Estate,a.
monntiny TO. so, 900
1879 GJis, amounting to. $3.50, 900
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

A Highlander who sold brooms went into
BARRIERS shop in Glasgow to get shaved The
barrier bought one Of his broom5, and, after hsv-
ING shaved him, asked the price Of it. Zip
pence said the Highlander NO, no. SAYS
The sbaver-"l'll give you a renny, and il that
does not satisfy you, take your broom again !"
The Highlander took It, and asked What he had
TO pay. "a penny, says Strap. an gle ye a
IN" bee, says Duncan, and if that dinna sat
i'fy ye pit on my beard again"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

4 statement If the DiSriLN'ion icW be
pubtished and ./orp0rdcd II Hckef hoi,le,s,
",d al gJis ,eW be promptly pa,d ctter
tie distributions
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

BAD FIX FOR LOVER The wytbeville Dis
patch relates the following Not far from us a
young lady attempted TO leave the pate- nal man
sion at dead Of night, by lowering herself from
her chamber 6y means Of pulley and rope fas-
tened to the window. She had just reached the
around, where her lover awaited her when her
entsgcd sire appeared, seized the young man
fastened the book to bis pants, and raised him
'Sy"ard leaving him dangliog in the air Till
morning The el opement is postponed indef.
nitcly.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

Good and ResponsiGie Prsons Bdntsd
to 'cOrk for me interests Of mis- Ass0ciati0M
E4y Liberal CtmniisyigHs tHolccd.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

otD UNctE Mn. old Uncle Ned, General Ear
ly.s old body servant, came out to the election
last Tuesday and voted the Conservative ticket.
Ono Of The most enjoyable features Of The day was
the witnessing Of this venerable and faithful old
servant ride into town on horseback. dressed in
SUIT OF gray, politely bowling to every white
D'an, ne cn"nced 70 meet, scarcely deigning to
notice negro, and, with look Of pride beam
ing upon bis eountensncc, deposit his conscrva.
tive ballot along with those cas-, by The friends
Of his old master. - Va Monitor Franklin county.
An Irish militia man, being told by a phre.
biologist that be had The organ Of locality very
large, inn0cenuy replied every likely was
hve years in The local militia
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
A Fortune for ST.!
One Gin 10 Guars useed 10 one OF .v,ry ,,s,s,
consecutive numbers.
$4,000 FOR ONE DOLLAR.

~" ~ * TIME
Dame Fortune helps those who help themselves.
soo.o 900 Tiekets st 81, 900 each. numbered from,
j 10 800. 900, inclusive. The exseediurly low
price Of Tickets brings it within the reach OF All
Grand Gift Conccrt
In Aid OF Public Improvements In the City OF
Denison, Texas.
kTexas Gift Concert Association
Will Give q Grand Concert
iURSDAY, DECEMBER 81, 1874
AID will Distribute TO the Ticket Holder.
F@co.OOO IN GIFTS.
Po'itory, Frss National Bank, Denison.
P'stri6afion &c Commence Inmediate5,
the Concert Managers Of the Dis.
tnfien chosen by The Ticket Holders and
Prominent Citizens.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

"A man called upon lawyer the other day,
and began TO state his case in rather IN abrupt
manner. 'Sir, have come to YOU for advice
m husband in-law - "A what? spoke out
the learned counsel. "Husband-in.law, sir %
II have never seen that defined in domestic rela-
tons" Don't you know wha. a husband-iu-
law is' Sir you're no lswyer-you're an
lEnoramus am husband in-law, but not in
fdc'j sir-my wifs's run on
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

A li,,.o girl in Boston only Eve years old
said to her mother the other day, when she pro-
posed reading to her the last number OF the Nur-
ssry: mo, mamma-dou't read me iha, child
ish stuf. Read me about the Beecher case"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

Sir, said the astonishsd landlady to a
traveller who had sent his cup forward for the
seventh time, you must be very fond Of coffee"
"fes, madam, am, - he replied, cor should
never have drank so much water TO get a little"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

Folly begets folly-and when a man has ia
ken up false and untenable position he usually
manages TO cure an error in judgment by an err
Tor Of temper.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

Don't KNOW lIlM.-Had you been in Wash
ingtow II few months ago you might have
had hearty laugh at the expense Of Captain
Goldman. In the last hours OF the late Congress
TIE Captain came tumbling down stairs in hot
search OF some one TO carry from the committee
room Of Commerce patent fog horn intrusted
10 his care by aii ingenious Yankee acquaintance.
AT the foot of the stairway he encountered col
ored man sauntering along, pullirg away at
huge cigar.
MY good fellow" cried the captain, ON give
you dollar TO carry down my fog-horn p
Who de debil do you take In = fun - respon-
ded Africa, drawing himself up in dignifed
wrath
IAN able-bodied mar willing to make dol
lar, responded Goldman.
Den you don't know me, sab.
No, sir, aud have no time to seek an intro
duction. Who are you anyhow"
ME, sab ? s the holorably Mr.. Cain. mem
her of Congress"
'fou don't say so, !" remarked the captain,
thoughifully "Well Mr. Cain am sorry, for
you have probably lost the only opportunity
you will ever have Of making e honest dollar"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20

The honeymoon is ali well enough" said
prudent belle, "eut what want 10 see beyond
that is the promise Of fine harvest, moon.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
Every Day an increase II Flesh
and WGigAt is Seen aud FRlt.

Evory drop of tho SARsAPARrLLTAN Ersor-
nnd other Fluids aud juices ~ the system tho vIyor Oh
lie Tor repairs the wastes Of the body with new and
sound material Scrofuln, Syphilis. Cou<umntlon.
Ganiuiar disease. Ulcers Iva tic throat Aiosth ia
Sore Eyes S,rumoruas discharges from tho Ears and
the wort forms 81 skin Csea,os. Eruption. Fever
Sores, s. tli Head. Ring Worm salt Rhruin ErNSpeIa4
Acne Black Spots. Worms tu thc Flesh Tuplcrs C1n
ehargcs Nigh Swoafs, loss OF 81 ~ yvnsfos ~
iho nc prtucS, arc within the curative range OF this
wonder 81 Modern Chcnls ~. prl q few day - ~
prove 20 using tf0r either those forms az
~ the patient daily becoming reduced By tho wastes
ava decomposition that continually progressing
OefdS lh aresuu{ theeo Wa'-s. ara repairs the
with material made from healthy bIOad--api fhis
- certain; for when once this remedy Commences fa
Work % purlfr alton aud succeeds. ir dim nfshue
loss % wastes repairs VIII BE- rapid aud cvcry day
the patient will foCi hmSClfg better and stronger
the food diecsting hcttor appetite Improving aud osh
Not only docs The siRslrARu1Iar REsotvvyr exeol
al known remedial agents In the OF aroni- scro.
fulous Cors'itutonn ard skla diseases but IL 4 tho
only positive euro Tor
kidney g. Blcdder Complaints,
Urinary ari womb eIssa'os Gravel Diabetes. Drorry
stoppage OF water. tu-Jntncu-c 10 Urine Brigits Ds
ease, Aitumiuuri1 aus iu Oh where there ara
brick duefdcp or ihe water cr cloudy mixed
with substances IKE Che Willie or egg ar th reads Ike
white 81 is. or there is morbid dark bilious appear
prlcking burning sensation when pas.ins yvsfer sud
pa'u in che emah ~ t"3 Beck su1 along tie LOlnS
JUmor IF 10 Years. Grot1th
Cured Oy had0dU's ResolUent.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1874-11-20
FEVER AID ACHE.

FsvER AND AGUE ourel for nny cents There Is
NOT r~iu"aul agent In this world TIA. will curr F,vor
sHi AgLe; and ali other NGlSri "a. Ellous Scarlet
Iyyr.9l L. ls.luw. anil other Powers lnided ~ RAD.
VAS iIl.LN - quick = RADWAI'S READY RE.
LILY Flly coEts per bottle.
New-York tribune., 1874-01-01
1noer to advertisements

AMUsEMENrs-Eterenh Pdge-Sth and 9Th columns.
BANKING AND FINANCIAIl-Ninh Pdge-2d column.
BASKisGHoUsEs AND BANXERS-TeHh Page-lst COL
-,
BOARD AND RooMs-Elercnh Paoe-sd and 4th columns.
BUSINESS NoTCEs-SirM Page-lst column
CHANCES foR BUSINESS MRS-EJhh Page column
CoPAHTKRRsTIP NoTICEs-Tcan Pd1e-3d column
CONFORMATION NorIcEs-Tenh Pa0e-6Gh column.
DANCING ACADEMIEs-RagbhP Pd0c-8th column.
DEsTIsTRY RY-Ei0hh Page column. 49,, ,
DIyIDkSD NOTICEs-Tesath P00e-lst and % columns.
ELECTION RETURNs-fenh Page-4th. 5th and 9th col
umus.
EUROPEAN ADvsRTlsEssSrs-BIep Page-2d and
FiNAsCiAI~Ninh Page-6th column. Tenth Page-lst
column
FGRsrruRE-E Elcrenh Paqe-3d column.
HKLP WANTED. MALES-Eiepenh Pdge-Bth column FK-
MALLS Eiepenh PG0e-5th column
HORSES CARRIAGES, HARNESS, &c.-ENrenm Puge-5u
column.
ISsTRU CTIoS-Bi0hh Tdge-4th column.
LEGAL NOTICES. Eleventh Page-3d colnmn.
LECTURES AND MEETINGs-Etcpenh PJoe-6th column.
MAcHISERY-Eighth PaOe-5th column.
MARBLE AND SLATE MANIEI<-EiQhthP Pd0e-5th column.
MARRIAGES AND DEATHs-SepeHfh PdCe-6th column
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Pdge-5th column T1elftA Page
-3d. ith, 5th, and 9th columns.
MUSICAL lSsTRUMENTS-Etcreph Pa0c-6th column.
NEW PUBlICATIoNs-Et PdGe--Sd and 4th columns
REAL ESTATE For SALE. CTTY-Elerenh PdGe-lst col
umn; BROoKLYN-Elepenh PGGe-lst column; NEW
JERsKY--Elerenh P0Qe-lst column: CoUsTRr-Eter-
enh Pa1e-lst column; To ENCHANGE-BIsve"h Page
list column.
sALks BY AUcnoS-Ehvenh Pooe-sd column.
BANKS-Tenth Pdgo--2d ana 81 Columns.
SITUATIONS WANTED MALEs-Eepetips Pa0e-4th column !;
FKMALEs-Biorcnth Pa0e-4th ana 5sh columns.
SPECIAL NoTICEs-Seeent. faoe-Gth column
HrAuoNERY- Eighth Pd0e-5th column
sTKAMBoATs AND RAngoAps-BIetenh Page-lst and
I'd columns.
STEAMERS. OcEAN-Eshth Pays-5th solumn.
TEACHERS-Eighh Pa0e-4th column.
To Int. BROOKLYN PROPERTY-Eiecsnh Pd9e-ist col
umn; CITY-E{epeafh Pd1e-lst column
To WHOM IT MAY CONcEgs-Tenth Page-Sth column.
New-York tribune., 1874-01-01
Ne,u'2pork Daily gribm,re.
FOUNDED BY HORACE GREELEY.
THURSDAY, JANUARY 1, 1874
TRIPLE S III T. E Il.

Tue Havana journals violent against the United
States in their the sinking Of the Vrgnius
The captain OF the steamer Cenfuegos states that he
saw Mr. Raph Keeer at midnight on his boat. but the
next morning the correspondent was missing -
rupture has place between Senior CASTELAR, and the
President Of tho Spanish Corea 1t thought that Cas-
tslAr wiz have Q majority In the Cortes' E- Tho
steamer Ebe plying between London ara Hamburg
baS been ost at sea 80 lives were lost
The railroad engineers strike is practically ended the
men submitting to the reduction Of wages. - Inc
schooner Charles Cook wrecked 20 miles south Of
Capo Henry Light and four men were drowned. --
Godfried Kuhule. German baker, murdered ct
Phiadelphia by his assistant. who was arrested. -
thorough REORGANIZATION Of the customs service Is
proposed - The President stated yesterday that II
Judse Wiiliamss nomination 70 be ChiefJustice is
reooted he would not appoint one Of the present gu
preme Judges.
Ex-senator Graham vas convicted OF sppropriatinR
q, mis- own use the funds Of the waikiki National Bank
- The Jury In the case OF Maggie Jourdan sharkey's
sooomplioe, disagreed. - man was probably muir
dered in Jersey City Gold, Iioi. ioi. iioi Ther
Ioomoter. 9so, 80, $40
New-York tribune., 1874-01-01
DIAMOND POINTED GOLD PENS.


To engaged mercantile pprsu invsston that vii f,eh
highly worthy OF notice well srteasve patron.
important inventions Of he present are Is that OF
qualities rms mark and durs
tsBty
long be has been la H in their msnue
w. the b.crb.rs Pxss from
OF eheey mend them TO
for perfect Cold Pen mAoa
SigBei BY following gentlemen sDd loo obsN
q Williams President Metro potsn National Bsnt.
s. Cce President American BIonAnge National Bank
A Besudes.y Cashier National Bank Of North America
wn A. Falls President Corn kIcbange Ssns -
X H. Lovry President National Bank Of The Republic
y D. Tarp.n President G,lsin National Bsnt
e. Y Tmpyon, Cashier Continental National Bsnt
I.aac g. Ogden Cashier rev York County National BAak
WI. L. jenkins, President Bank Of Ansrs-
J. w Lsss Cashier Union National EAnE.
Meeksr. Cashier Bank Of n Y \ Banking AsooahsA
J x SouthsOrtb Presdsot Atlantic Nstionsi BARI
WA II. Coz Cashier Mechanics National BsnE
Buell. Presidsn and Traders National Bank
j NC Cisbier Shoe and Leather Nstonal Bank.
W. Willett Cashier Bull Head Bsas
CI.rse Dodge 4 Co Well, Fargo Co.
Howe. United States RIpress Co.
White. MOrns 4 Co Barclay X Livingston
vsrsiiy. Co a. J. Raymond & Co.. New York
WnsOw, tsnisr Ce Ds,J lImes
q. Arthur x Co A Gorjon CSshsr NsT fots hsT-
Ii.k 4 Hatch sld
II. T. Morgan Co l. hetobsm \ 20.
Amsresb kIyress Co s b. Chit eDden Co
Adams RIpTsss Co. JOhnson a Hsyba
ch.s Dennis Wee President Atlantic SuHsl lua 90.
DsBlsl d. Smith, President Commercial hutnsl lps- 90
Lwood Walter. President Mercantile Mutual Ina co
r. Witnsrh Vice President Home FIe irA 20.
Aorns Franklin, President Ses-IOrk ihie las Co.
sold by all .be principal ssaoners and Jewellers
Gold Pen Msnufseturer
No House. opposite the Herald Ohea
New-York tribune., 1874-01-01
TERMS or THE TRIBUNE.

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door to the Post office, till D. at regular rates
Dur0 ne construction Of the front of The neW Tribune
b-di,lo The Tribune O0ice may be found IN me hFst
building in The Spruce ST. The Tribune Counting
Room Is on The 6JS foor and is entered al me second door
do.cn Spruce ST. rom Ue old SITE.
New-York tribune., 1874-01-01
vestigation viii only reach the special D. .'''
nifty practiced in letting into the arrangement
the opponents Of the Administration.
BAEZ.

Our adyces from SantO Domingo have gwen
full account of the revolution against Baez,
which it must have been evident, after his re-
cent letter to Gen. Grant, could not long be
deferred We do not know that anybody will
bewail his fate. He has gone into exile before
now, and has managed TO live there pretty
comfortably on the profits of his career as
patriot, and we see no reason why he should
not repeat the experiment He has no valid
title to the Presidency Of the Republic. He
seized it by violence he has kept it against the
will Of his people, in order that he might make
money out Of it by illegal and disbonorable
dealings with the United States; and he
would have fallen long ago if he had not
been propped up by stronger power than
his own. Nearly three years since Mr.. Sumner
exposed the character of the Baez usurpation
i'm speech in the Senate on the Santo Do
mingo resolutions, and declared that nothing
sustained it except tho unwarrantable inter
vention of the United States Navy. Mr. Sum-
ner was roundly abused for this speech by the
Administration papers of the day, and bis
charges were pronounced untrue. Well, what
ID to be said about them now
Last Summer Mr.. Baez wrote letter to the
President of tho United States in which he
virtually confirmed all Senator Summers state
ments. He complained that the President,
after deluding him with false hopes Of annex
alton and material aid, had left him to his
own resources. The failure of the annexation
scheme and the indisposition Of the United
States Government to follow up the Samana
Bay concession with an efficient pro-
tectOrate had brought on a crisis in his
affairs. In plain English. be could
not sustain himself unless Gen. Grant
renewed his aid--sent back some ships of war,
and dispatched Gen. Babcock again to SantO
Domingo with another $4,000 worth of rifles
and artillery Gen. Grant in the face OF the
opposition of the whole nation is pOwerless to
Interfere, and naturally Baez falls. IL Ii not
pleasant to remember that in the support of
this tyrannical and dsreDutable adventurer
the President Of the United States has mis-
used the National Navy squandered the pub
lie money, outraged weak and friendly
people, and cOnnived at the wicked imprison-
ment Of an innocent American citizen sus-
pccted of wanting TO tell the truth.