Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1874-01-15
Mark TWain's Trials i'm London.

The London Post prints as g a specimen
of transatlantic puffery" this happy hit
bv Mark Twain, at the snobbish custom
the English have of insisting upon the
presence of some person of rank at lee
lures or other popular gatherings, as Il sort
of lay-figure to personify respectability
Sir-Now that my lecturing engagement
is drawing to its close. find that there is
one attraction which | forgot to provide,
and that is the Attendance of some great
member of the government to give dis
tinction to my entertainment. Strictly
speaking, did not really forget this or
underrate its Importance. but the truth
was, | was afraid of it. | was afraid of it
for the reason that those great persOnages
have so many calls upon their time that
they cannot we'll spare the time to sit out
an entertainment, and l knew that if one
of them We're to leave his box and retire
while | was lecturing it would seriously
embarrass me. | find, however, that many
people think | ought not to allow this lack
to exist longer; therefore feel compelled
to reveal Il thing which | had intended to
keep secret. | early applied to a party
in the East end. who is in the same line Of
business us Madame TuSSaud. and he
agreed to lend me n couple of kings and
some nobility, and he said that they would
sit out nv lecture, and not only sit it out,
but that they wouldn't even leave the
place when it was done, but would Just
stay where they We're, perfectly infatuated.
and wait for more 50 | made II bargain
with him at once. and was going to ask
the newspapers To mention, i'll the usual
column, that on such an evening his maj
estv King Henry VIII. would honor my
entertainment with his presence, and that
on such and such an evening his majesty
William the Conqueror would be present,
and that on the succeeding evening Moses
and Aaron would be there, and SO on. |
felt encouraged now; an attendance like
that would make my entertainment all
that could be desired. and besides, | would
not be embarrassed by their going away
before my lecture WIS over. But now
misfortune came. In attempting To move
Henry VIII. to nv lecture hall the porter
fell down stairs and utterly smashed him
all to pieces; in the course of moving
William the Conqueror, something let 20
and all the sawluSt burst out of him. and
ne collapsed and withered away to nothing
before my eyes. Then we collarel some
dukes, but they were 80 seriy and lccaycd
that nobody would ever have believed in
their rank; and 80 ! gave them up, with
almost Il broken heart. In my trouble |
had nothing in the world left to depend on
now but lust Moses and Aaron. and con-
fe~S to YOU that il WAS all | could do to
keep the tears back when came to exam
inc those two images and found that that
man. in hi, unapproachable ignorance.
had been exhibiting in WhitechaPel for
Moses and Aaron what any educated per
son could see at Il glance. by the ligature,
were only the Siame,c Twins. You sc"
now sir that have done all that man
could do to supply Il complained-of lack,
and if have failed think ought to be
pitied. not blamed | wish ! could get :.
king somewhere Just only for little
while, and | would take good care of him,
and send him home and pay for the cab
myself MARK TWAIN.