, 1874-10-04

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When young lady gives herself away, does
sho lose her self-po.seaAion:
--Ba1num's excuse for marrT1ng again IL that
he had no ono to get up mornings aud light his
fire.
Several pretty Bnffalo girls, who want to get
married and wear handsome diamonds, are on
the qui vive for good-loosing Niagara backmen.
-Mr. Smirkins says he has been married SIX
teou years, and all the income they have had to
1--we on has bcen income-paub1ity-
"A man in Colorado sold his wife for $50 aad
a mule, and being mean enough to seek stolen in
tervievs with her afterwards was shot III the
back by hor new master.
The naturally sluggish man never gets thor
oughly aroused until the tins comes to write his
1nother-in- laws eptaph.
"A New Orleans woman got SO excitea about
war that abe dressed herself and walked out
without any covering over her hoop-Hkirt.
"A Fort Wayne Husband auicided becauss his
wife hadn't artistic taste.
Unnamed by the loss Of her husband. is
new style of indicating widows grief
"A governess, advertising for situation. says
" she il perfect mistress Of her own tongue."
-*'1 would not be = woman, for then l could
not love hcr," says Montaigne~ LAZY il. ".
Montague SAYS THE only objection 1 have to
be man is that should then have to marry 4
Homan-"
Ono Of the Black Crook ballet girls fell On
tho foot-ights at sacramento, a few evenings
SINCE but escaped burning from the fact that
shs had nothing on WHICH could take fire..
Susan Jane must ha76 pecn heaHiAE ulerscu
zshsn aha looking out for her lover and sang.
''He'l1 come tonight; the winds at! rest.
The moon ia full and fair; wear tho dress that
pleased him bost-A ribbon in my hair"
-" Yes, Job suffered some,'" said an illinois
deacon, s'but be nover know what it was to have
his team run away and kill his wife right in the
busy season, when hired girls want 23 week."
Among other things ia her bridal wardrobe
Miss Sherman has 1o0 pair OF stockings, This
seems prodigal waste Of money. Most aug
1,ri ida oh In ha 4htn tn along with 81
% pairs.
After throwing eight boys over the feEce out
of watermelon patch. = Clay County woman
charged them sspecsiy.;: :, "So.' see & ERE boys
The proper way for lady to direct q letter
this III is to run the direction from corner to
corner scatter three 1-cent stamps over the
envelope, and write "Importaut on any va
cant space left.
Strictly ACKNOWLEDGMENT Ito post
town w !" Possman :: II know. But THIS IL for
you. It's my hoffer OF my and and art. Ill
call for the answer next round!
"A Connecticut gentleman, recently 1ntrodnc-
ipg a newly-marricd man, congratulated him
warmly and said "Ah these 1itchtield Coun-
ty girls make clover wives. I've had three OF
en-"
About this time 0. year. expect to come
home and hear your wife shut the oven door
with emphasis, aay1cg, ~ stood enough from
that stove before vent to tho country, ami now
I'll have another, or" and then abe will give
you burnt sweet potatoes for dlnnor.
A Paris lady abruptly entered her kitchen
the other day and saw tho cook skimmipg. tho
soup with = silver spoon. She said to her:
"Fraucoise, " expressly forbade you to use the
silver in the I,chon." q But, am, the spoon
was dirty"
The Matrimonial Help Society" idea is
spreading. An organization Of the kind Wa.
receptly formed in \ Connecticut town, and
every old maid in the place and every widow
under GO years OF age joined it the first day.;
Matilda! You in this pouring ran, and With
out other waterproof or umbrella ! !! !" 'Oh,
YES. Capital plan-Eet wet through, You know,
and then you must change all your clothes when
you 60 in, and TINT helps 10 pass the t'me' you
know"
Some Of the regular soldiers sent West have
married eauaws and are dong their beet to cir
ilize the poor, ignorant redskins. Az soon as
squaw gets pair OF army boots aud braes
chain on she begins to act refined and lady-hke.
A certain nobleman had married three wives.
who had been h,s servants beggar, woman.
meeting him one day on the street, mads him
very low courtesy. ''Ah! bless your Lo1dship."
said she, and send you long life; for. II you
do but Live long enough, We shall al be ladies' IN
tiu1o."
A lady Ct years old. the mother oftrelve chil-
d1en, fell in love with young mau at Santa
Rosa, Cal. L few weeks ago. finding that Sue
could not MARI. him, she took doss Of bedbug
cault.
No man can read nbont all these burglariea
without determination to have his wife aleep
on the front side Of the bed
4 man who riaes at night to look for baby's
nursing bottle and can't hit his nose on the edge
Of tho open door is small pattern Of man.
--Extract OF letter from an absent wife
q II John should feel like shielding while am
gone. give him a razor, and baoln ana couple
Of towels, aud lock him up in the cellar.
-" Gracious heavens! exclaimed Mrs Mar
rovfat, dropping the paper from her noFveesa
grasp, and leaning back in her chair With an e1-
preston Of blank ast enlistment on her connte-
nance, "Gracious heavens, Niltiades, what's
speroxysmal kies?'" Mr. Marrowfat. assun'ln:
avery serious aspect, observed: 4 'pato1ysma1
kiss. nv love- is = kiss bu:tered With 6oui~lGhs-
uing,"-Brooklyn Argus.
"A Toledo girl waa to be married yesterday;
She went with tbs br1dal party to the dool Of
the church. when all at once the fair bride TOOK
to her heels and started off down Cherry street.
with bridal VEIL orange blossoms, and "nt1e
drapery generally tapping IN the morning El3a'
The groom WIS str1lcE dumb At this sudden ae-
parturo, but did not follow. This was the sltua-
ton at last accounts, and no person can De
found who viii o1er an OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
pjn1uffn7Io4