The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1874-01-19
THE PRESS.
MONDAY MORNING. JAN. 10. 1874
Gossip and Gleanings.

MONDAY MORNING. JAN. 10. 1874
Gossip and Gleanings.
Keep company with the good, and thou
wilt be one of them.
Time never sets heavily upon us but when
it is badly employed.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his
children drum.
Experience is torch lighted in the ashes Of
our delusions.
Waste nothing-neither time. money. nor
talent
A person looking at some skeletons the 9TH
er day, asked young doctor present where
he got them. Hereplied, "We raised them"
Apropos of the new Episcc pal sect, ''They
pay tithe of mint, anise, and cummin, but
neglect the weghtier matters of the law"
We always like to see gentlemen and ladies
with beautiful gold rings on their fingers, and
long dirty nails-it looks so neat and genteel.
A hard-working. eminently pious won an
once said: II don't want to 60 to heaven as
soon as die, but rather to sleep in the grave
thousand years or so to get rested" ea
A father was winding his watch, when he
said playfully to his little girl, sLet me wind
your nose upp' "No," said the child, 81
don't want my nose wound up, for don't
want it to run all day." 1
1t won't do to be so devoted to tender
hearted wife as to comply with her request
when she asks you, "Now tumble over the
cradle and break yonr neck my dear, won't
you?"
Talking about upsetting sleighs, Wcks re-
marked to young lady he was taking out to
drive, II always pick out the softest place
can, when upset my sleigh" She replied,
''Why. should think it would grow monot-
onous; always falling on your head" .-,
Quilp and his wife had a bit of contention
the other day. IL own that you have more
brilliancy than l." SAID the woman, 'but
have the better Judgment" EYES," said
Quilp, 'your choice in marriage shows that p
Quilp was informed that he was brute.
The late well-known Daniel O'ConnelI,
once met conceited literary friend, and ex-
claimed: 81 saw capital thing in your last
pamphlet" ''Did youT' eagerly replied his
delighted listener, ''what was it?'' "a pound
of butterp' e a-aHa., .e --e
A wee bit of a boy having been slightly
chastised by his mother, sat very quietly in
his chair for some minutes afterward, no
doubt thinking very profoundly. At last he
spoke out thus "Muzzer, wish dad would
get anuzzer housekeeper-Pve got tired o.
seein' you round"
A clergyman lately addressed his female
auditory as follows: "Be not proud that the
blessed Lord paid your sex the distinguished
compliment of appearing first to female
after the resurrection for twas only done
that the glad tidings might spread all the
sooner.'
A temperance lecturer descanting on the
superior virtues of cold water, remarked -
when. the world had.become SO corrupt that
the Lord could do nothing with it, he wa'
obliged to give it thorough sousing in cold
water" ''Yes," replied topper present,
''but it killed every critter on the face of the
earth.'
A minister at colored wedding who
wished to be humorous, said: "On such oc-
casions it is customary to kiss the bride, but
in this case we will omit it." To which un-
gallant remark the bridegroom pertinently
replied: "On such occasions it Is CUSTOMARY
to pay the minister ten dollars, but in thi.
case we will omit it"
A gentleman in suburban town, buried
his sixth wife last week. Shortly after the
funeral he met the minister who oficiated
and offered him a five-dollar greenback.
The minister declined to take 1t, saying he
was not accustomed to accept pay for such
services. The gentleman coolly replied
s'Just as you say; but that's what I've been
in the habit of paying"
The people who 60 to bed and rise early
are expected to be healthy, wealthy and
wise, 1t is observed, however, as a practi-
cal fact, that the particular class who pride
themselves on the habit named have larger
percentage Of unmitigated ounces than any
other that can be named. Men are not made
or unmade by getting into or out of bed al
one hour or another.