The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1874-09-19

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with a bucket full OF sweet cider one day las
week, Two hours later the following notice wa
posted on the outside Of the Office door; al
=. hands absent; will return soon"
: A Young gentleman by the name of Conkel
0 having united in thu holy bands OF wcdIock, sen
the marriage notice, with Il couplet OF his owl
5 composition, to a local paper, for publication a
e follows
MARRIrD.-On August lst \. Conkcy Esq, A;
torncy-at-law, to Miss Euphemia Virgins.
Love is the union of two hearts that beat il
c softcst melody
. Time with It's rayogcs lmpart no bitter fusion
, to its cCstacy.
Mr.. Conkcy looked with much anxiety Or Ii,
issue Of the paper that he might see his MAJ. il
print. The typo into whose charge the notice
was placed happened to be on spree at The
time, and made some wonderful plumbers in set
ting it up:
MARRIED-On August LIST, A, Donkey Esq
Etcrnally at law to Miss Euphrcnia PigSins.
Jovc is an onion with two heads that belt in
sOitest melody.
Time with its cabbages imparts no better food
to an extra dray
The Pckin R,DuJlicdn comes to us with the
| We've been arrid of il for time, but we are
| glad to nnow that it isn't Catching.-Et Ids0
| JOu,1di
No, it isn't catching. They have had for the
last twenty years at the RspaJlica" Office in this
city, and it hasn't spread rod
A Southern paper says;
| A Kentucky church has sent two lady
missionaries to the Feiec Islands. This is very
cOnsidcrate. No doubt the cannibalo will prefer
| th, sort 10 the tough old gentlemen who are
usually thrust upon that market.
A New York physician has positively asserted
that no woman ever died Ola broken heart. What
they call hcdrtbreaks are really liver complaints
I-Er
Yes or biliousness, or worms.
When young man wishes he had as many
arms cutie fish, it is safe to assume that his
Girl is stout aud Que arm won't reach around her
I-Er.
In such a case, why not chalk his fingers and
hug from mark to mark until he get clear
around.
The Granger movement has reached New York
City and everybody is cursing MOulton for being
a midldcmaL. We suggest resolutions Of sym
PATTY, and tender Of moral supper. by the other
middlemcn-Er.
Moulton is to be piticd. Becchcr got Mrs. T.,
Mrs. T. got Bcecher, Mr. T. got mad, and Moul.
ton got nothing.
Tide Morris Hc,oM mentions a coming star fc-
male singer, who promises to become 4 "sChmu-
cher" in music, The HcraH says:
If the voice of the lady who lives between the
Ncttlc Creek and the canal, near the western
limits of the city, had been properly cultivated
what success as singer she would have been.
Her voice is powerful, very, and when she " gets
right down To business in the bowling and bel
lowing line clear night, at about II O'Clock, she
can be heard from Aux Sable to Seneca
Strained Misunderstanding through veil
Yes, they avail but little sweetness Still they
are better than none.
MoultUn called Raymond liar, In religious
we should suppose they would
prefer harps. 1t may be remarked further, that
after calling man Tyre, it is but natural to
Apollo gize.-Chicago courier
Raymond didn't get very mad at being called Il
imr but suppose Mculton had called him from
bone, or an f. fiat, or an accordion, or ID bass
horn, or cornet-a-p piston, Wen bet that would
have made a row
4 poet recently sent a song entitled, "N hat
Shall NY Love Wear" to an editor. The latter,
regarding the question wholly in its moral as
recommending her to wear clothes.
y teacher asked an advanced schoolgirl why
beer IN French was feminine. She replied that
it was probably owing to the fact that the bows
liked il 80 well.-Er.
There is better reason why beer is feminine:
Because it makes fool Of "tellow," or any
other man.-BeemuS
will scorn it or wrench out my larynx- Bald-
rim.
] am with you, even if | have to get copper
lined to resist it.--Niao Times.
Don't you get coppcr.lncd; you would be sure
when hard up to pawn the lining for drinks.
The editor Of the Rcppbldron has taken the
pledge not To eat any more vinegar pickles. He
found that the action Of the corrosive acid on the
metal in his cheek was turning it al green
Lp,kDOu tOHri,r.
The above j. a nca, way Of calling y person
" cheeky"
The first photographer ha, opened his saloon
in Truckcc, New, and has been shot by a miner !
who insisted on haNin" his picture taken by !
lamp,llght aS ht was going away early in the
Thus beautiful opening i left at Truckrr for
4 photographer. oh, lIcaycn,, can't some one !
induce our Bowman To- immgratc to that region
bowman, w"uld'st thou take some T,7rt,h, in |
that; We have always thought Bowman would .
make q Iovely-a brwitching corpse. !
MOI long since, at meeting Of a club in New
nrk, Jelly was exhibited on the table and
alongside of il an old, wcl-worn leather boot
The spectacle Of the boot wus mystery until il
Was explained by one of the members that from
The fellow OF IN" boot the Jelly had beer made by
some chemical process. Jelly for the table made
'ut III old boots '-'homjrrE JonrnW A
We are -lad to learn that old boot. can IN, util-
rcd IN tli- way. We commence ON those in our
back alley tomorrow, and ihcn "vpcct 10 ra,
through al Others in due time Oar SUNDAY
'"up viii come from the cleaning, Of The arts,
urrltic Shoe shop down town
From Leland.
We had heard and read of all manner of
travelling, but were hardly l,rrnorr1 r,r tho