Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1874-04-15
Mr.. Cruncher's Opinion OF Mrs. CrunCher's
CrusadeD


Mr.. Dickens wrote something which at
this time is exceedingly amusing and
suggestive in connection with the great
temperance crusade. Once upon time, as
Mr.. Dickens relates in his Tale of Two
Cities there lived in England a" resur-
rectionist," that is to say bodysnatcher,
by the name of Jerry Cruncher, in whose
house the scene of our tale opens, just as
the hero awakens after night spent at his
favorite occupation.
Mr.. Cruncher reposed under a patchwork
counterpart, like harlequin at home. AT
first he slept heavily, but by degrees began
to roll and surge in bed, until he rose above
the surface with his spiky hair looking as
Il 1t must tear the sheets TO ribbons. At
which juncture lie exclaimed in a voice of
evaporation:
Bust me, if she amt at it agin :"
A woman of orderly and industrious APP
pearance rose from her knees in a corner
with sufficient haste and trepidation to
show that she was the person referred to.
What !" said Mr.. Chruncher, looking
out of bed for boot. YOU'RE at it agin,
are you?n
After hailiug the morn with this second
salutation, he threw boot at the woman
as third.
"What ;" said Mr.. Cruncher, varying
his apostrOphe after missing his mark,
What are you up TO, Aggerawayter?
" Twas only saying my prayers"
Saying your prayers? You are nice
woman? What do you mean by Hopping
yourself down and praying agin me?n
II was not praying against you ] was
| praying for you"
"You wern't. And if you were ! won't
| be took the liberty with. Here! your
mothers a nice woman, Jerry, going a
praying agin your fathers prosperity.
| You've got dutiful mother, you have, my
| boy; going and Hopping herself down, and
praying that the bread and butter may be
snatched out of the mouth of her only
| child ~
Master Cruncher, who was in his shirt,
1 took this very Ill, aud, turning TO hi,
mother, strongly deprecated any praying
away of his personal board.
! And what do you suppose, you CON
ceited female,n said Mr.. Cruncher, with
unconscious inconsistency, that the
worth of your prayers may be Name the
price that you put your prayers al"
They only come from the heart, Jerry
| They are worth no more than that
Worth no more than that?n repeated
Mr.. Cruncher. "They ain'tworth much
then. Whether or no, ] won't be prayed
agin, / tell you, ] can't afford it. Pm moi
agoing to be made unlucky by your sneak
ing. If you must go Topping yoursel
down, flop in favor of your husband
and child, and not in opposition to 'em. ]
] had any but an unnatural wife, and thi!
poor boy had:any but an unnatural mother,
might have made some money last week
instead of being counterprayed and coun
tered and being religiously circumwenteC
into the worst of luck. Bu-u-ust," said Mr.
Cruncher, who had been all this time put
ting on his clothes, eff / amt what will
piety and one blowed thing and another
been ehoused this last week into as baC
luck as ever poor devil of an homes
tradesman met with. Young Jerry, dres
yourself, my boy, and while clean my
boots, keep an eye on your mother now ant
then, and if you see any signs of NOR
Hopping, give me a call. For l tell you, ,
here he addressed his wife once more, d"
won't be gone agin in this manner