Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-04-22
The Experience of . Man who
Did not Bury His Wife.

Did not Bury His Wife.
The other day Mr.. Slocum-I dom
know but what You know him; he ha
been deacon and selectman and squir
and pretty mnch everything in our vii
lage-was reading out loud from one o
the papers about burying dead corpses
The editor didn't hold with burying o
them, and said that burning or embalm
ing was the proper thing. When Slo
cum had got through he said: "Well
there's Mr.. Cutter, now; he knows al
about embalming." And then he say,
to me, "Cale-my given name is Calel
-"Cale," says he. you've had expe
rience in embalming, haven't you p
Says l, 'By gosh 1 should rather thinl
1 had"
His remark set me thinking, ant
that's how it comes round that I'm
writing my experience to you. It's al
very well for people to talk about EN-
balming deceased corpses, but it's thu
Christian duty of those that have tried
it, and found what a plague they are, te
expose the hollowness of an embalmeG
corpse. I've tried it, and there ISM
the least particle of comfort in the
thing.
1t happened this way. My wife died
three years ago. Died very sudden
too. 1t was something about her liver
There is great deal of liver complaint
that people don't know of. There was
nv wife's cousin who came to visit al
our house ten years ago. He thought
he had the rheumatism, but 1 knew
better. Hank" says I, "you've got
the liver complaint. '.Liver be
hanged" says he. "How can a man
have liver complaint in his knees p
''The liver" says 1, ''can break out
anywhere. I know liver complaint when
1 see it, and you've got it. Well, ]
convinced him after while, and he
took to taking some liver pills-I dis
remember the name of them Just now.
1t was only two years afterwards that
he could walk as straight as anybody.
So you see 1 was right.
As 1 was saying, my wife died. /
was remarkably fond of her, as any man
ought to be whose wife was an orphan,
and could bake the most beautiful pies
in our section of country. She died on
Monday, and that evening, as was sit
ting on the piazza. along came DIR.
Sabin,
Most likely you know the doctor. A
smart man; but, as you say, a little too
fond of the intoxicating element. 1
knew him when he was in the army.
He was not an army surgeon, but he
was in the embalming business. When
ever he'd get good paying corpse he'd
come over to my tent was regimen
tai sutler-and drank whisky in q way
that was really disheartening. Why,
I've charged that man five dollars a
drink, just to try to exert good infu-
ence over him, but he'd drink and
drink so long as he'd got cent left.
Well, 1 hadn't seen the doctor since
the war, and was really glad to meet
him again. He was looking very bad,
and was pretty well used up. He sat
down and told me what streak of bad
luck he'd had, and wanted to know if l
could get him job. Now, you see, 1
wanted to help him along for the sake
of old times, but the more 1 thought
the less 1 could see my way. All of
sudden happened to think about the
embalming business, and says to him,
"Have you done any embalming
lately9" No." says he; ''for the rea-
sen that deceased corpses are all buried
nowadays. 1 only wish Icould get one
that the friends wanted to preserve,
says he. "By gosh," says l, 81 can
give you job now, right of, embalm-
ing my wife. She's laid out up stairs
at this very minute" "Done," says
the doctor. "And I'll make the pref
tiest job out of her you ever saw yet. "
You see, 1 wanted to put little
money in an old friends pocket, and
then 1 calculated the job would cost a
good deal less than regular funeral.
The coffin would naturally be a dead
loss, since it had been ordered, and as
it wouldn't fit any of the children, who
were small enough to roll all round in
it. 1 couldn't put it to any profitable
use. Still embalming her was cheaper
than burying her, so told the doctor
to go ahead and do his best.
Well, it turned out as handsome a
corpse as / ever saw. was real proud
of it. Her features were natural, though
she was so well done that she sounded
just like a piece of stone-work when
you tapped her with hammer or any
thing like that. Ipaid the doctor ten
dollars, and he went away contented,
and took my wife and set her up in
the dining room just between the win
dows.
Here my troubles began. The neigh
bors began to find fault, and said l
showed sad want of feeling in setting
her mp in the dining room and showing
of her to everybody that came in. 1
couldn't convince them to the contrary,
and SO for the sake of avoiding strife
and contention, 1 moved her into the
back hall after some of the young men
had begun to talk about getting up
subscription to buy gallon of tar.
Things went along well enough for a
while, when one day fonnd that the
children had got her into the back yard,
under tent, and was exhibiting her
for cent sight to all the children in
town. 1 just confiscated the money
and gave my boys good thrashing.
"Spoil a spare child with the rod,"
SAYS Solomon, ''and when he is old he
won't depart from it" That's always
been my motto, and I try to live up to
it. put her up in the spare chamber
this time and locked her in. That night
1 heard tremendous fall up stairs, and
in the morning there was my wife fallen
over on to the washstand and all the
crockery smashed to pieces. Shed
broke off her uose and one ear besides,
and do my best could not stick them
on again with glue or anything. She
always did stand very ticklish, and I
often regretted that hadn't asked the
doctor to run pound or two of lead in
her feet just to keep her right side up.
After this 1 slowed her up in the gar
ret, but couldn't get hired girl to
stay in the place on account of her. 1
thought one time I'd trade her to Bar
mum, but happening to mention it to
some of the folks in town, they con-
vinced me that it wouldn't be wise. 1
always did hate disorder and violence.
The last thing did was to put her
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