Omaha daily bee., 1874-05-28

The last words of our Nellie as she
turned her face for a final look at
her native land-'.sic transit"
If Elder Cannon were to refuse to
give his name, could he be charged
with carrying concealed weapons?
One of SANKEY'S cards was found
among the private papers Of DIR.
LivingstOne-but nobody knows
who put it there.
81 never get trusted for q hat"
said a spendthrift, "because / should
then feel as though 1 were in debt
over head and ears.n
The prominent piOus women of
Boston are described by NOrah
Perry as "given to lankiness, stink
mess, and an ironed-
back expression"
Refinement-as understood by the
editor of the Burlington, Qowa)
Daily: 1.-THE papers are sickening-
ly full of blab about Nell Grant and
her ''feller.'"
Parker Pillsburry-bless his old
SOULS in Rochester, on his way
to Chicago, to reform the Aldermen
of that town. He might as we'll dig
a tunnel through Bald Mountain
with a teaspoon.
An undertaken i'm OtsegO county
advertises: "Coffins made to order.
Now's the time to get up clubs"
That is about as CHASTITY i'm its humOr
as the undertaker's sign-board in
BellefOnte, Pa. "Coffins made and
repaired"
The Pendleton (Oregon) Tribune
vigorously CALCULATES: off the dirty
thief who stole our clOthes-line the
other night will only hang himself
with it, he will oblige us very much
and We will publish a first-class Obit-
uary notice of him free of charge"
Laura Fair has published a card
in which she says: 81 shall demand
an humble apology from each per-
son who has dared to traduce my
character" and a number of West
ern editors have already asserted it
as their belief that Crittenden COM
mitted suicide.
The editor of the San Bernardino
Guardian feels impelled to describe
the rival editor of that town as ian
editorial empiric "a newspaper
quack; a man without education,
without courage, without hOnor-a
drifting mental imbecile, a SANDER
ing falsifier, a rambling adventure
a creature-a thing-content to live
on family charity"
1t is said that "a good baseball
player a make $1,000 a year."
And yet there are hundreds Of
young men In this city who, in
stead of turning their attention to
the art of baseball playing, are
fOoling away their time i'm selling
dry goods, clerking i'm banks, prac-
ticing law and medicine and jour-
nalism.
A COmstOclker having read that
if a tallOw candle be placed in a
gun and shot at a door it would 60
through without sustaining any in
jury, yesterday tried it. After the
experiment the neighbors were un-
able to decide whether it was the
candle that went through the door
or a piece of the gun. 1t was a
piece of the gun that the doctor dug
out of the left shoulder of the ex-
perimenter.
In Berlin there is a young lady
belonging to q female orchestra who
plays on a tremendous wind instru-
ment. 1t is described as something
like the man pipe (the biggest) in
the largest organs that are cOnstruc-
ted. Singularly enough, she is said
to have very beautiful lips. What
would be the effect on the male who
should be favored, like a man pipe,
with the persuasive application of
those lips.-LOndOn Court Journal.
A young Boston mechanic saw an
O%vercoat in a secondhand clothing
store, which he thought he would
be glad to possess at a reasonable
price. "HOw much?" he asked.
"Twenty-one dollars" was the an
swer. The usual haggling took
place, and the mechanic started to
leave the store. allow much O
gif?" asked the merchant. "Three
dollars" "Take it, then, 1 shall
shust be ruin of myself. 1 only
make two dollars Oh dat coat, 70
help me gracious"
The Salem (Oregonl Mercury is
giving brief but brilliant pen pic
lures of the candidates on the oppo-
sition ticket. Here is a specimen :
"Engle's claim to craftsmanship is
founded upon a remarkable facial
contortion which has given his
mouth a kind of choke-cherry or
persimmOn quicker, and has slowed
it around to one side so that he can
have it constantly under his admir-
ing eye. Besides, as Engle is an
orator, this peculiar position of his
mouth gives him an opportunity to
listen to his own eloquence, as it
enables him to talk directly into his
ear"