Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1874-09-16
Deceit OF Song Writers.
BY THE FAT CONTRIBUTOR.

The man who wrote ''H,ms, swee, Home. lever
had = home.-EyeadsSs.
No, of course not. All his folks al
home say he dida't. Nobody who
writes about anything ever had it. II
q man is out of anything he immedi-
stely goes and writes about it. No man
writes so many "headings" as the man
who is out of his head.
Certainly he didn't ever have any
home. The man who wrote the ''Oid
Arm Chair" never had an arm chair in
all his life. The best he had was an
old split bottom chair without any back
to it.
The author of Take Ne Back to
Switzerland" never was in Switzerland.
The nearest he ever came to it Was sit
ting in the William Tell saloon eating
Switzer kase-kaso why, that was the
best he could do.
Mother, I've Come Home to Die, "
has not spoken to the old woman for
years, and wouldn't go near the house.
Besides, he is of that class of spiritual
lists who don't believe they will ever
die. His health was never better. His
mother is nothing but a mother in-lsw,
and sho is dead, anyhow.
There is author of "Old Oaken Buck
et," too. There wasn't bucket on
the old farm, water being drawn with a
tin pail and cistern pole.
"If / Had But Thousand n Year"
stated privately to his friends that he
would be content with half that sum, as
he was doing chores for his board and
three months schooling in the Winter.
The author Of champagne Charley"
never drank anything but 10 cent
whiskey.
The man who wrote "Mary Had a
Little Lamb" knew very well that IL
was nothing but little lamb fry.
''Shells of Ocean" is humbug. The
plsintive poet who represents himself
as wandering, one Summer eve, with
sea-beat thought, on a pensive shore,
was raised in the interior of Pennsylva-
MIA, and never was ten miles away from
home in all his life. Gathered shells"
did he? All the shells he ever gathered
were some egg-shells back of his moth
er's kitchen.
"Hark l Hear the Angels Sing"
spent all his evenings in beer saloon.
Angels, indeed
The man who wrote the 'Song of the
Shirt" hadn't shirt to his back, wear
ing wampus for the most part.
"Oft In the Silly Night used to get
on a spree and make the Silly night
howl till daylight.
Tne author OF "We Met by Chance"
knew very well it was arranged before
hand. He had been weeks contriviDg
it-sni she admired his contrivance.
The author of II Know Bank"
etc, did not know one where he could
get his note discounted. The only
check he ever held was q white check
at faro bank. He never held q red
check in all his life.
"Whst are the Wild Waves Saying ?"
knew very well they were reproaching
him for running away from Long
Branch without paying his hotel bill.
"Who will care for NJ Jther Now ?"
Who, indeed You took the old wo-
man to the poorhouse just before writ
ing the song, and there is nobody but
the poormaster to care for her now.
Hear Me, Narma," was deaf and
dumb. He couldn't make his pa hear,
nor ma.
MY Mother, Dear" used to thrash
the old woman within an inch of her
life.
The author OF Grain on the Roof
always slept in the basement, except
when he slept out of doors.
IL t Ne Kiss Him for His Mother"
got mad because his mother wouldn't
have him, aud whipped her little boy
within an inch of his life.
81 Dreamt Dwelt IN Marble Halls"
used to cheat at marbles when a boy,
and his dream was a horrid nightmare,
brought on by the remorse at the re-
collection of fraudulent marble hands.
"Tm Saddest When 1 Sing was
tickled almost to death If invited to.
"Happy Be Thy Dreams" sold ben
zine whisky. fOu can fancy what kind
of dreams were produced.