Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1874-05-15

my DocFoR."
(Respectfally Dedic.sea = the whole Medica
and Surgical esternityo
"Who ran to catch me wA<a I.eu,
And leeched the place 10 make L ,ceM!!
Nv Doctor
Dear Doctor, Ills your art 10 heal
All maladisa we mortals feel,
You cut and carvc, and sltce and peal.
No matter what our greene reveal;
Or drug, to antidote each pain
And bring repose TO limb and brain.
You take your keen diseecting knife.
And track the avenues Of life,
And most audacf0uely prepare
To lay onr quiverine muscles bare.
Yon twist and scrape oar shrinking bones
DeeDite our piteOu6 shrieks and mOans,
And after oil this lacerati0n,
Few up our flesh with cxnltation.
fits an arm that must be Topped,
Or hinge excressnce to be cropped;
~ by some sad, unlncky chance, 4,
We've MANNED m ear, or marFed our glance,
Why We must needs repair to you.
And trust to skill to bring Us through;
Your motto is-''to kin o. cure;'
Our business -meekly to endure.
saass s aSssaes ysSs - sis 81 ss'.se'
WoRofAonnfets st1sR 1p1G faHs ssss ~ Z (,
TO common sense. my MI! be dons."
Your verdict who may dare impeach?
For are you not that famous lcech,
Who by mere severing OF q vain,
Can plcthoric purses empty drain?
Some trifing i'll afilicts us sore,
Mayhap Notwithstanding more,
And straight, with grave, lugubrious air,
You feel our pulse with sole mn care,
You wag your wise, foreboding head,
As though life trembled on thread,
Then add, Dear madam, I'll embrace
This chance to diagnose your case.''
You then proceed with Ossentation,
To talk OF some vague complication"
That does exist within our frames.
And which you designate by names
So horribly atrocioue, we
Would fain from your dread presence flee,
And rather than be awed like this,
Deem ignorance our highest bliss.
Our petty 'headache'' proves to be
very complex mystery:
A problem that we ne'er had solved,
But for the theory evolved
From ont that brain whose mystic lore.
All depth Of science can explore.
Woe to the wretch whose railing speech
Filings satire on the name Of Leech!
We ask no questions. but submit
To what ''Sir Oracle" deems ft,
Our open thrOate, alas! alas!
BY his decree become pass
Through which all sorts Of stuff 60 down,
or cOlOrs blue, and green. and brown;
Mysterious liquids filter through
bach dim. cOrpOreal avenne.
We take, with unresisting emile,
AbhOrrent nOstrums, compounds vile,
Emetics whose swift circulation
Reverse the laws of gravitation,
Till nature, almost dOsed to death.
Cries out with gasping. scanty breath,
And begs You quick to interpOse,
And check these horrid inward throcs.
All me! tits beautiful to see
How learned doctors do agree;
What mutual love their souls infame,
How tender Of each others fame;
How sacred is the tie tha. binds
In amity their kindred minds!
From Jealousy and wrath how free
Is the admired fraternity!
This earth would be desert drear,
We're there no lovely doctors hero
To give us anodynes and pills,
And mitigate life's varied ills.
What though by carping tongues Ills said
That doctors conscenccs are dead!
am no casuist; ergo,
Pass all snck knotty questions by,
Content, when pains are most severe,
To have an Escnlapius near.
-AalekuifZe Tr0rbrid0e