St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1874-05-01
My Boys.


posed TO To know everything, can't you
tell me what to do with my five boys.
Now contdeutially. just between us
two. don't You think Nature made a
great mistake, in that she has given us
no sure indication lis to what boys are
intended for. what they are Ito follow"
| mean
How nice and easy it would have
been if some unfailiug sign could have
been given us by which we would have
known at once that this one was fitted
to he a LAWYER or farmer. L horse
doctor or Il blacksmith. When my first
boy was but few months old. began
Watching intently for any budding of
genius that would indicate which niche
he was designed to fill i'll the temple
of fame. Alas , nothing could dis
cover but very large hands and feet,
and IL stout pair of lungs. concluded
after much deliheration that this must
| indicate farming. 50 1T once dis
Matched Il buudle of land warrants It"
the West. that Il farm might toe entered
| for him. But my agent served me very
much like the Oxford students did the
stout gentleman. who booked himself
| for two seats in the London coach.
| They gave him one inside. and the
other on top. My farm WIS scattered
over two states, and when | was asked
for Il description of it. | was fam to re-
ply that il more rcSemhlcd Il checker
board than anything else could think
of This reply. however. did not give
satisfaction. and | soon found to my
sorrow what description WIS. In Il
short time commenced getting mystic
liouS little miS>iVeS. informing me that
the taxes were due on the northeast
quarter of the southeast quarter. Sec
ton tlirty-SiX. town two. range seven.
These cahaliStic characters conveyed
no more idea to my mind dian 81 much
Arabic or San>crit. but still they came.
shortly received Il letter couched i'll
these imperative terms Madam
Send me before the fifteenth of this
month thirtv-two dollars. or the south
east quarter of the southwest qualter
of section twenty-five. town three.
range five will he sold for taxes. This
convinced me that in order to he a
farmer and to have farm to operate
on. one must also be Il lawyer. But
drew no comfort from this idea. sun
dry old aphoriSmS kept occurring to me
which did not represent the profession
in an agreeable light, the unjust judge
kept presenting himself unhldden. and
finally noticed an advertisements that
one of the ministers would preach on
| LAWYERS. | went to hear him. | did
not arrive in time for the text. but
| from the discourse inferred it to have
been. depart from me. We cursed.
Now it is plain that with such warn
ing ringing in my ears, II would never
do to make lawyer of the hoy. though
from my own personal experience am
not inclined to think the profession has
a damaging effect | consider myself
to have been practising i'll Il very eX-
acting court for the last fifteen years.
where have daily administered Justice
and condl@n punishment to my five
boys. acting during that time as lawyer,
Judge, and jury. | will here do the
pluck of the plaintiffs the justice To
say, that Il nOtle proseqm has never been
entered during that time.
Sometimes have put slate and pen
ell into their hands. to see if could
discover any Indication of art lying
dormant. All had fer my pains was
a sharpening of pencils that set my
teeth on edge for Il week. or illustri-
tons upon the parlor paper in which
the fondeSt parent could discover ne
signs of Il future Cruikshank or barley
At another time. was quite encour-
aged at the inclination one of them
showed for trade. He established what
he called store. his stock in trade con
SiSting of popcorn, painted candy. and
divers villainous looking compounds
4 -
and the like. by which he came neal
poisoning one of his aunts. who, like
his mother. stood ever ready to hell
him on to fortune.
At another time they established &
) menagerie, consisting of seven kittens
Il lame chicken. two pointer dogs, and
IL calf. The latter fierce animal, under
the name of elephant. was held while
the youngest boy mounted its back
The poor creature, wild with fright
burst through the seven or eight shawl:
pinned together to form the circus tent
rushed over the vegetable garden. and
finally plunged into the glass frame
, which covered my flower pits, and land,
ed some ten feet below the surface upon
my choicest flowers in full bloom. The
boys. in great penitence for the ruin al
: my flowers and death of the calf. pre-
scented me with the admittance fee.
: taken in at the door, which consisted OF
fifteen pins most of them crooked
r When Intercepted as to their future
the worst little rascal among them
thinks he will be il missionary, while
the others have no higher aspirations
than to he contectioners or stage-drivers
One thing is certain, will never force
them int" the ministry, though | should
he the happicSt of women to give one
or all to do the Lords work. But it
shall never he impressed upon them
that they must he clergymen. | have
heard too many preachers who.
thought. had been called of their mothers
rather than of God.
Whilst telling very old lady. lately.
of my troubles, | asked her how she
had succeeded with her family, when,
, somewhat to my surprise. she replied
We'll, ma am, I've always been mighty
fortunate about men folks. NV hus-
band died when we hadn't been mar
red long. and my only son ran off to
the -diggings in California"
But here they come. all five. rosy
{ with health. overlooking with mischief,
slamming doors, catching little mother
about the waist, spilling ink, fairly
riotous with animal spirits and bracing