, 1874-03-08
THE PHILOSOPHERS BABY.


from Btdt1aeooAt HdJdz1nk.
I had been considering for. about ye.
q whether. I should marry Winifred Hanway, whe
, I heard that she was
ENGAGED TO THE PHILOSOPHER
Why did she accept him 1t is true that he
both imaginative and critical; but faculties q,
erelsed in the formation Of psychological hypc
[ theses, and the laborious destruction Of those
ones neighbor, do not usually rouse the sympa
Thy of bright and beautiful girl who is NOR
tit to live than to think about life. He is ce1
talnIy handsome, but as certainly his clothes ar
paeoarous His trousers cannot keep their shap
tor day, and bis hats nre never new. II b
notlces the rain, he opens nh umbrella whic
might have served as an Intellectual protection a
1ne Tune OF the Doluge; il he finds out that it j
colo, lie assumes garment which might have
been the everyday coat Of hIothuse1ah. Hi
manners are as strange as his appearance. Il,
may often DO seen walking in the Park ut th.
fashionable hour with far-oir look in his eyes
and bis hat thrust back as il to lessen the ex
ternaI pressure on his active brain more rarely
you may hear him bursting into enthusiasm ir
Piccad;}ly though PiccadilIy il the last p1uce in
which man should allow himself to be enthusi-
astIo In short, though he il true friend, be liz
| UNCOMFORTABLE ACQUAINTANCE
| and his volcanic uttorances after long periods
OF calm contemplation, cause such shocks to
ones nerves as would be conveyed to the Sunday
citizen by the eruption OF Primrose Hill. But. il
it was odd that the beautiful Winifred Hanvay
| should marry my friend, it was yet more odd
that he should marry any one. There were no
topics more certain to excite an explosion in the
philosopher than the excessive population OF
the country, and the wholesome solitude Of tho
Thinker. "How," ho would fiercely ask, IS can
man think efectuaIly on fundamental subjects
who ls compelledby the deapicaole circumstances
of his life to exhaust his analytical faculty in
considering how to pay his butcher, and when to
buy hls Goals I tell you Sir, it's better to
starvo with cold and hunger than to debase one's
noblest part to game Of skill with grasping
grocer" Again and again had heard him de-
Claim IN this prepostecous fashion and after ALL
he was going to tho altar like any other victim,
with the docilitY Of u snail
1 could not solve the problem; won1a not
give it up. So, full Of the determination to drag
Diogenes ont Of his tub, and
THE SECRET OUT OF D1oaESEs
l stepped round the corner to offer n concratn-
tlons Ny friend was in his study, apparently
writing. really eating quiu-pen. He rose at mo
with rush, w1ung my hand till it ached. and
bluAhcd rather uncomfortably. Congratulations
arc the curse Of the Rnton. Whether be is o.
fering them or receiving them, lie is generally
obliged to take refuge in intermittent hsnd-
shaking, aud most Of his sentences tail OF into
gTunts and groans. But On this occasion it was
evident that the philosopher had something
ready to Say, and was nervous1y anxions to say
it. Indeed, had hardly said more than ''a1y
dear fellow, I don't know when-I really
am so awfully glad, Its in every way so,
such satisfactory, you knov-I really do
wish all possible, and all that sort OF thing
you know "--whenhe burst in with speech so
duently delivered, that I knew was not his
taken you by sarpriss," he said, "as I knew it
would: but the truth is. that have been think
ing Of it for long time, and
I Az SURE All RIGHT"
tere tined to get in an expression OF wonder at
h!s new notion OF bis duty, bu: he was bent on !
being rid Of the matter, aud hurried on to his !
rcasons- 81 In the first place" ?" said be. "I am
sure that, instead OF increasing my domestic !
worries, my marriage will transfer them in |
body to my wife; aud, secondly, when con-
Bider the vast number of fools who are every
day Eorn into the world, I am terrified BY the !
picture OF what the next generation will be, if |
the thinkers of this are to be without succes-
aors." Having discharged his reasons in this
feared dissent, but was too astounded by his
magnificent audacity to reply. Slowly look OF,
peace stole back into his fnce, a pleasant light
1awned in his eyes, and the promise Of smile
IT the corners Of his mouth. His remarkable
1nency was gone, and indeed his voice sounded
quite choky when lie said, "Johnny, you don't
inow what an angel sue is' A Light broke in
lpon me. Philosopher" Isaid, II believe you
5e going e;; to be married because you tell in
"PERuAPs YOU AEE RIGHT"
aid the philosopher
After the wedding tho philosopher and his |
fife went abroad for an indefinite period and
heir friends heard but little Of them. He wrote
Q nobody, and she did not write to rue. Yet
here were occasional runors. Now they were |
reathing the keen air of the Engadine, now sink |
Il to the chestnuts and vines Of CIliavenna
ow he WAS laahlng himself to frenzy over the
:easures OF home; nov she WAS gazing with
yeet northern eyes across the glowing splendor
the Bay of Naples. Then they we're in Cor !
ANY, and about to settle for life in o university
'wn !; but anon had fed from it in haste after
ng nights dispute. in tue course Of which my
armed friend had wol-nigh come to blows with
le university i most celebrated professor. c
At last heard that they were again in Lon Y
III, and, full of enthusiasm, darted round
10 corner to welcome them home. Nobody
as with them but Mrs. Hanway, Wini-
eds mother. I would enter unapnounced, and | P
lrpEise the philosopher. I entered unan~
WAS SURPRISED MYSELF.
ifas this the effect Of matrimony, or Of for
en travel? Each occupant OF the room waB
gagged in an exercise wholly unconnectcd, as it Q
|
fe. the lady whom I had almost loved, queen II
all grace and cou,el1ness, was appearing and "
like flash behind the days Times, q
owing at the moments OF disclosure face
shed with excitement, and 1ustrous coils OF l
ir tumbled into the widest disorder, while she II
the whole performance with o
'ange and inarticu1ato eounds. Her mother, u
Q samo Mrs. Hanway who was 30 per- r
It q model OF dress and carriage that many Of III
r lady friends we're wont to lament among t st
emselves that she gave herself such airs, was
sted on tue floor, dressed for walking, but &C
.hout her bonnet. Yes, she WAS certainly g.,
INNING on an inverted tea-tray with the wrong -
1 OF the poker. And the philosopher? Il IN
perp1e1ing, after three years separation, to y
ct him thus The philosopher vas cautering 81
ON ALLcFoUKS, u
arlng on his head his own waste N
Ter basket. BriskIy he canteted &c
md, ever and anon frisLins like
.mb in spring time, until he reached my feet, 81
lcl were rooted to the spot with astonishmcnt All
glanced up sideways, rose with cry to the
NAL attitude OF man, and grasped NE by the IL
ID At the sound OF his voice, his wife drop
6 the paper from her hands. raised them e1
ckly to her hair; aud his mother-in- law, su
b as much dignity as the effort would ALLOW, ph
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