The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1874-10-27

Heavens, Miltiades what is paroxysmal
kiss p !"
Mr. Marrowfat brought this legs to
Fright shoulder shift" elevated the rag
ged edges of his medulla elongated, and
assuming very serious aspect, observed
"A 'paroxysmal kiss my love, is a kiss
buttered with soul lightning"
-----ase-----
EB- A Mississippi boatman, with i'm
mense feet stopping at a public house on
the levee, asked the porter for bootjack
to pull off his boots.
The colored gentleman, after examining
the strangers feet, broke out as follows
"No jack here big huff for dem feets.
Jacxass couldn't pull 'em off, massa, Wild
out fraktring de leg Yuse better go back
about tree miles, to de forks in de road,
and pull 'em off dare"
NB- A colored divine in Richmond, Va,
said
"De fore part OBJ de church will please
sit down so de hind part OBJ de church can
see de fore part, for de hind part can't see
de fore part eff de fore part persist in stand
in before de hind part to de utter exclusion
ofde hind part by de fore part"
tB- Said Detroit lady to small boy
whom she found crying in the street, the
other day.
"Win you stop crying if give you
penny?'
"No," said he "but if you'll make it
two cents I'll stop if it kills me-"
EB Did you report that was a thief,
sir ?" angrily inquired Shook the other day
of one of his neighbors.
"No, reported no such thing. 1 only
said that there were strong suspicious
against you, and that l believe all the sus--
picions to be correct"
ooh, was that all ?'
GB-" Do you like to go to church," said
lady to Mrs. Partington. claw me,
do" replied Mrs p, "nothing does me
80 much good as to get up early Sunday
morning and go to the church and hear
a populous minister dispense with the gos-.
pel''
NA- A Detroit young woman tried to be
aristocratic and did not look at the money
she gave the horse-car conductor, but he
meekly gave her back the lozenger ON
which was written, "Pll never cease to
love thee" and said he was an orphan
with five little brothers to support and
must be excused.
nB- "Sad thing to lose your wife, said
friend to a Vermonter who stood at the
grave Of his wife. "Well, tolerably sad,'
replied the mourner, "but then, her clothes
just fit my Oldest girl"
ZEE When Mr.. Soberleigh read that a
father in the West had chopped his only
son in two, he innocently remarked that
he didn't think they ought to arrest a man
for simply "parting his heir in the mid
de-"
GB- The most trying circumstances
under which boy can be, is when another
boy in the alley is winking at him, and his
father offering him Q nickle to carry in
pile of wood.
49,
EB- A Brooklyn girl has just rejected
suitor because his arm wasn't long enough
to go round her. She says if she is going
to have lover at all, she means to have
good fit
Nzg- Two st. Louis women we're refused
places as drivers ON street cars ostensibly
because they couldn It manage mules.
This was frivolous. They had both been
married for years.
GB- A good way to restore man appa-
rcntly drowned, is to first dry him thor
oughly, in side and out, and then clapa
speaking trumpet to his ear and inform
him that his mOther-in-law's dead.
EB- A Gentleman who lately gave free
lecture in New York, did not feel Compli-
lmented when the morning paper declared
that "the lecture was worth the price Of
admission"
CB- A country debating society having
satisfactorily decided (which is the butt
end of a ram," is now wrestling with the
question ''Should the root of hog always
be under groundP"
eB- The dentists profession must be
lucrative one-ho makes his money by
aohers
EB- "Oh, Edith, won't you kiss Dr.
M'CluskieP" "Im so shy, mamma You