The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1874-04-17
sc1ssORINGs.

i + g
When time shall hang up his
scythe he will be no mower. aaa
Why should artists drink paint?
Because it suits their palate.
As twice eleven is twenty-five, how
can twice ten be twenty too2 laAw
The reported rise in Havana ci.
gars will probably end in smoke.
A genius is properly said to be ono
who can do every thing except make
living.
Time is short, and if your cross Ie
heavy remember you have not far TO
carry it. uaIi
The Oxford, Me-, Democrat gives
dish-lifter as an inducement to sud.
scribers. ts5D
James says his grocer, having been
converted, has forsaken the errors Of
his weighs.
A New York establishment adter.
tises "Perfumed milk baths for the.
complexion" nA
The Boston Post records an entire
absence Of sunstrokes for the month
Of December.
A certain man has watch which
he says has gained enough to pay
for itself in six months.
Our nervous editor, whenever he
gets excited, goes into the compos-
ing.room-and becomes composed"
How to become practically acquain.
ted with the "Rule of Three ey-Lise
with your wife, mother ard mother
in-law. .,,o
According to the Lawrence Trib-
une doctorin that town has remedy
for scolding wife. The prescription
is elixir. R73l31
A poor family in Green Bay had to
mortgage their six dogs last week TO
get barrel of -four. The case is
pitiable.
Waynesborough, Pa, boasts Of
haunted distillery, which is Just the
place where one would naturally look
for spirits. 'ea
II q railroad train that is run into
by another is telescoped, young man
who is run into by young OK must
be sterescoped.
Vermont has young lady six feet
seven inches high and when a young
man succeeds in kissing her they say
he is "gone up" bad]
A'malicious person says that cotton
sheets and newspaper sheetsare alike
in the respect that q great many
people lie in them.
The great difference between
Byron and Burns in early youth was
that the one was Harrow boy and
the other q plowboy. rsfa
A dog with two tails was seen in
Germantown the other day. One
belonged to an OK, and was carried in
the mouth Of the canine.
Jones, being told that be looked
seedy, and asked what business he
was in, replied, "The hard wear busi-
ness-look ut my wardrobe"
The creditors Of an absconding
Yankee, found on opening his safe,
that the only thing he had laid up
for a rainy day was an umbrella. ~
A Sioux city hotel has black and
tan dog that killed thousand rats
IN month. This is a good puff for
the dog, but is hard on the hotel.
Western Shakespeare club:
otbello-Do you think my wife
honestp
Emilla-Honest2 "M-y L-o-r-dr
At q recent dinner Of shoemakers,
the following toast was given: "May
we have all the women in the coun-
try to shoe, and all the men to
boot"
Two pairs OF stairs are necessary
to every newspaper Office in North
Carolina-one for the editor to 60
down as the caller comes up the
other. i
An exchange says: "Keep an eye
out for the early resumption Of pay
ment." Both Of our eyes are already
out looking for it, and 80 are our
elbows. u
The Metropolitan Hotel at Chicago
has full complement Of boarders.
but no landlord, he having skipped
the town" and left for parts un.
known.
They say the American nation is
not jovial and hilarious, but ii you
want to disprove it, Just slip down on
an icy pavement where the crowd is
thickest
The foreigners have caught the
infestion, and the very peaks of the
Alps are being daubed with the nam.
moth lettered advertisements Of Par
isian shopkeepers. H
4 Ouo V'Au luuBo bohuolnAuB VI tub
patience Of Hoosiers from the state
mont Of an Indiana paper that twenty
men handled over thirty.fve cords u
wood 10 get at a rabbit.
"Do try and talk a little common
sensel' exclaimed a sarcastic young
lady. Visitor-"Or' was the raply,
"but wouldn't that be taking an ur-
fair advantage Of y suYs