Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1874-04-09


the ft is not on me now. Ishould
not have come if It had been. | have
been nearly starved once or twice, not
daring TO leave my room can con
quer my madness now; the question is,
how long ! can continue to do so.
feel that it is growing upon me. feel
my power Of resistance becoming
weaker and weaker; the craving for
blood getting stronger and stronger.
am like man who has slipped over a
precipice. and feels tn, earth and
shrubs to which he clings, slowly,
slowly, surely. surely. giving way with
him. have brought wretched ours
out Of The street and killed them in nv
frenzy in the hope to exhaust it on
them. It's no use must have hu-
man. liie'
"sAny human life2' | enquired. 'or
some one in PARTICULAR
".Why do You ask this, Doctor he
cried. getting suddenly excited
"'No matter; go on
".Someiimes,' he resumed, st seems
that any life would do; and some
times-Doctor, four davs before | saw
you met upon New Jersey ferry
boat "a young girl. So pretty, so re
fined, and nicel | followed her to her
home-ihe devil that has taken posses
sion Of me led me She went in, and
soon came ont again into her little gar
den and tended her fl iwers- poor child!
Doctor, il had a pistol with me
should have shot her. You may smile;
but some day soon | shall take a pistol
on purpose and shoot her
at was clearly no use arguing with
him. The best way with such people
is to admit their facts and try to work
round them
"'Then, said |, the only thing you
can do is to submit to the restrictions
of an asylum till this feeling has pass
ed
"'It will not pass. II | were to go
to a madhouse | should sham sane.
Sooner or later their vigilance over me
would be relaxed Then Ishould mur-
der my keeper and 60 straight for that
innocent girl
"'Then leave the country
"'WelI, that would save her; but,
Doctor. one life is as dear TO its holder
as another. If / don't kill her l shall
kill some one else
"'My dear fellow replied. in as
light lone as / could assume, ';hs-c
fancies are durable Put yourself I'm
der skilled medical treatment You
are all 10 bits. physically. Get sound
in body. you'll get all right in mind
"s0n the contrary am all TO bits,
as you say, mentally. and my body suf-
fers through my mind. Medical treat
ment! ] have consulted every praeti
toner of note here and in Europe
Some think l am fooling them; some
look wise and talk as you do about
treatment. All have failed. Doctors
are no use to me
"'Then may l ask why you have
come here?'
"'To ask your advice as friend,
he answered, drawing his chair nearer
to me, and lowering his voice, 'to ask
you one question as friend and God
fearing man, and to which | pray you
give me plaif yes or no
"'Go on
".Feeling as | feel, shall l be justi,
fed before God in taking my own life?
Will it be deadly sin for me to do for
myself what ] would do for a mad
dog?'
al repeat his words as be spoke
them. l cannot give you the faiutest
idea of the solemn deliberation with
which he put this awful question. For
some moments could not say word
Then | started up and told him that |
would not answer him yes or no-that
it was not fair to ask me to take such a
responsibility. Then he rose, too, and
said be must resolve it for himself. and
l saw plainly which way it would go.
Give me till tomorrow to think about
it, l said, OBTAINING him.
"'To morrow may be too late. he
replied. 'The fit may come upon me
tonight for all know.
".Come home with me; I'm not
afraid. You won't hurt me- ] said.
"'I would try very hard not to do
so-but-I know myself. l cannot
trust myself Don't you trust me-
81 will trust you; but I'll do more.
You are not armed, | SUPPOSE
"'No,' he replied with shudder,
mot now
"'Ill take care that you shall not
be. and I'll carry my Derringer in
my pocket. On the first indication
of homicidal mania, l give you my
word I'll shoot. and I'll shoot
straight l said this to satisfy him.
poor fellow! In his weak state |
could have laid him down like
child. II did satisfy him, and we
went home together. | led him to
talk of our old soldering days, and
gradually got him back to his
wound. l made him describe the
first sensations of PAIN in his head,
and repeat all that his different
medical advisers had said. l hap
pened to have strong preparation
of hasheesh by me I gave him
dose, and while under it's influence,
| carefully examined his head
Now, the head. you must know.
does not fatten or waste away in
proportion to other parts of the
body. Still his had become mere
skin and bone; and this state, per
haps, gave me an advantage over
Others who had made the same ex
animation. At last | felt, or
thought l felt faint twitching-a
sort of abnormal pulsation-about
two inches above the left ear, it
might be merely nervous, but it
might be the ball.