Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1874-01-01
PHUNNYGRAMS.


and the doctor.
1t is remarked that weed will last
much longer if left for the women folks
to saw and split.
There is one thing which even q
| dairyman cannot adulterate, and that is
the milk Of human kindness.
What England made such fuss
about was Boston Harbor-a little ''t''
upset in Boston harbor.
If it wasn't for the t0-cent stamp oc-
| casionally found in a paper of tobacco,
a considerable portion of the citizens of
| Duluth would starve.-CG ncSnaGtG Corr
na0rclGL
John Henry says he has had coed
| thing On the governor since he caught
| him studying the weather report, under
| the impression that he would learn some
thing about the mutton market.
"A phrenologist told man that he
had conbativeness very largely developed,
| and was Of a qUarrelsOme disposition.
THAT isn't So" said the man angrily;
"and if you repeat it I'll knock you
down.
"A lawyer wishing to impeach a wit
ness, menacingly asked him: Come,
now, are you not in the habit of drink
ing?n "Of course ] am" was the reply,
''else I should long ago have persisted of
thirst"
A young man in Scranton, Pa, has
said, dearest, wilt thou be mine?'' to
five women, and four Of them are suing
him for it. The Lackawanna Valley has
always been famous for its number Of
mines.
"A young lady says that a gentleman
| ought never to feel discouraged when the
"momentous question: is negatived by the
object of his choice, "fcr in life, as in
grammar, we always decline before we
conJugate.?'
A fond husband boosted to a friend
''TOm, the old woman came near calling
me honey last night" Odd she?" "Wha
did she say?" ''Why she called out
Come now, old Beeswax, why don't you
come to support"
The D&nbury mans last is: "Tht
churches were well filed Sunday. The
shape is an improvement but the trim
ming is not wholly satisfactory. They
set little further back on the head thar
the summer styles, we think"
An editor, who has been keeping q
record Of big beets, announces at last thai
''the beet that beat the beet that beat the
other beet is now beaten by q beet that
| beats all the beets, whether the original
! beet, the beet that beat the beet, or the
| beet that beat the beet that beat the beet''
| Conversation in the orse-car-First
Young Lady: Father says that we girls
must be economical, for the panic has
struck him. What does your father say
Second Young Lady: Oh, he don't say
much; you know pa is so slow that
don't believe he'll hear the panic is in
town till 1t has most gone away.
There is nothing so well calculated
| to upset a mans disabilities as 10 receive
a poke In the stomach at two a. m. &C
| companled by the information that ssI7hat
| front door is unlocked" Fortunate wo-
man is she whose husband has such con-
| troll over his mirth as to not awake the
| rest OF the family while attending to the
matter.-Da7lbury Neaos.
"A boy two years old, son of Mrs. Des-
| PLANES OF Randolph street, swallowed a
| thlmble, and as soon as his mother asceT-
| tanned the fact she called Ia the neigh
| bors and then tainted away. Some of the
/ wise old women suggested standing the
| boy on his head; others talked of looping
a string and fishing after the thimble, as
| people go for cork in bottle, while
others ran out after small boys and sent
them for doctors. Three doctors arrived
simultaneously, and after engaging in an
angry discussion over the respective
merits of allopathy and homeopathy, they
! went off without doing anything, and an
other was sent for to attend the mother.
| Up to dark last night the boy had not
| complained, but in these hard times
! there's no knowing how anything will
end--Dan5ury Neacs