davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
A Healthy Individual.

The following is the last written by
the late Artemus Ward:
"Ontil quite recent I've been heal
thy individool. Pm nearly sixty, and
yit I've got a muscle into my arm which
don't make my fists resemble the tired of
canary bird, when they fly about and
hit man. Only few weeks ago 1 was
exhibiting in East Skowhegan, in a
Ouildin' which had formerly bin ockepi-
ed by a pugylist-one of them fellar
which hits from the shoulder, and teath.
es the manly art of self defens. And he
cum and sed he was going in free in
conscience Of previsly ockepyine sed
building, with large yeller dog. sed
TO be sure, sir, but with those yeller
dogs? He sed, 'Oh, yes sed, 'Oh, no
He sed. DO you want to be ground to
POWDER l sed, yes, lido, if there is a
powder grindist handy Then he struck
me a disgusting blow in my left eye,
which caused the concern to close at
once for repairs; but he didn't hurt ME
any more. ] went for him energetically.
His parents lived near by, and 1 will
simply state that fteen minutes after 1
had gone for him, his mother, seeing
the PROSTATE form of her son approach
ing the house onto a shutter carried by
four men, run out doors and keerfully
looked him over, and sed, My son, you
We been fooling round threshing ma
sheen. You went in at the end where
they put the grain in, come out with the
straw, then got in the thingumajig and
let the horses tired upon you, didn't you,
my son? You can judge by this what a
disagreeable person am when Pm an
pry."
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
The Bottom Drawer.

/ saw my wife pull out the bottom
drawer of the old family bureau this
evening, and went softly out, and wan
dered up and down, until l knew that
she had shut it up and gone to her sew
ing. We have some things laid away
in that drawer which the gold Of kings
could not buy, and yet they are relics
which grieve US until both our hearts
are sore. haven't dared look at them
for year, but 1 remember each article.
There are two worn shoes, little chip
hat with part of the brim gone, some
stockings, pants, a coat, two or three
spools, bits of broken crockery, whip,
and several toys. Wife-poor thing
goes to that drawer every day of her
life and prays over it, and lets the tears
fall upon the precious articles, but l
dare not go! Sometimes we speak of
little Jack but not often. 1t has been
a long time, but somehow we can't get
over grieving. He was such a burst of
sunshine into our lives that his going
away has been like covering our every
day existence with pail. Sometimes,
when we sit alone of an evening, I writ
ing and she sewing, a child on the street
will call out as our boy used to. and We
will both start up with beating hearts
and wild hope, only to find the dark
ness more of burden than ever. 1t Is
still and quiet now. l look up at the
window where his blue eyes used to
sparkle at my coming, but he is not
there | listen for his pattering feet,
his merry shout and his ringing laugh,
but there is no sound. There is no one
to climb over my knee, no one to search
my pockets and tease for presents, and /
never find the chairs turned over, the
broom down or ropes tied to the door
knobs. / want some one to tease me
for my knife; to ride on my shoulder; to
lose my ak; to follow me to the gate
when : go, and be there to meet me
when l come; to call ''good night" from
the little bed, now empty. And wife,
she misses him still more; there are no
little feet to wash, no prayers to say; no
voice teasting for Jumps of sugar or
sobbing with the pain of hurt toe; and
she would give her own life, to awake
at midnight and look across to the crib
and see our boy there as he used to be.
So, we preserve our relics, and when we
are dead we hope that strangers will
handle them tenderly, even if they shed
no tears over them.-[ Chicago Fireside
| Friend.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
An Old Maid Badly Fooled.
PottsvilIe (Pa.) Miners Jonrnal.

PottsvilIe (Pa.) Miners JonrnaI.
A Phenixville maid, quite old, be-
coming anxious about her matrimonial
chance, recently concocted plan to de-
ceive young fellow as to her age. This
is the way she tried it: The old family
Bible contained faithful record of all
births, marriages and deaths. This vol
ume the maiden took to her chamber,
and selecting the birth page, she man
aged, by dint Of scratching and writing,
to change the date of her birth to a per-
iod of eleven years later than it had
been legitimately recorded. Then the
Bible was placed on the sitting-room ta-
BILE in a conspicuous manner. That ev-
ening along came the lover. He soon
began to finger with the Bible pages,
and finally reached the birth record,
where and when he discovered, to his
surprise, that his Angelina was just one
year younger than he. He thought il
strange, as she appeared older. He KEEP,
his mouth shut and continued to tumble
over the pages. Next he began reading
the death list, and made the most a..
tonishing discovery that the radiant
maiden, according TO the Bible, had act.
ually been born ten years after the de.
cease of her father. The young mar
quietly arose and bid Angelina good
bye, and he now swears that "eternal
vigilance is indeed the price of liberty.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

GUSHING THE WORCESTERSHIRE
Grangers are determined to oust the
middlemen. At meeting in New York
it was stated that flour costing in the
market eleven dollars a barrel was
bought direct for the Grangers for sew
en-. On butter the saving was ten cents
pound; on clothing, from ten to fifteen
per cent, and sewing machines, which
retailed seventy-fve dollars, were OBJ
tanned at from thirty-five to forty-fve.
An attempt to get coal at one dollar and
fifty cents a ton deducted from the mar
ket rate was defeated. The price was
agreed on, but subsequently the dealer
said he was satisfied, was making money
but he added that he had received
warning from the coal combination o
New York not to sell the organization
any more coal, or they would not sci
him any. He must either break with
the combination or break his contract.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
The arryAlI-AnOther New Garment
for Women.
From Mrs swissheIm's letter In Chicago Trib-

From Mrs swissheln's letter In Chicago Trib-
Ny carryall is a substitute for the
corset-a cross between it and q close
fitting low necked, sleeveless basque. 1t
is made of drilling, single for
summer, lined for winter; is supported
on the shoulders by straps of double
muslin or drilling, four inches wide,
which come within two inches of meet
ing on the back, and are divided in
front, one half coming forward to the
centre, the other running down just in
front of the arm. They should be
made to fit like glove, without whale
bones or steels, and buttoned up in
front. On this garment hang your
stockings, outside drawers, and skirt.
Make it an inch or two wider around
the waist than the corset you have been
wearing. Take this off before going to
bed; have yourself well sponged with
alcohol and water-a tablespoonful of
alcohol to half teecupful of water
and be well rubbed. If you wear net
compress all night, SO much the better.
Be sponged in the morning with alcohol
and water, and rubbed again. Then
dress in your new garment, having all
your bands and dress waist adjusted to
the inward size. Avoid extra exertion
for few days, and continue the spong-
ing and friction night and morning.
Stand up often in pure air; throw back
your shoulders; and for ten times try
how large breath you can take, draw
ing the air through your nostrils slowly;
and it will be strange if, in one month,
you are not ten yearsy y ounger than when
you began. When your chest fills you
carry all so that it begins to cramp you
when you take a long breath, make a
larger one, and let out dresses and bands.
Cultivate the waist as diligently as you
have hitherto repressed its growth, and
if the result is not degree of health
and happiness, of frightened eyes and
rounded cheeks, at present unknown to
you, nature has made a mistake, in put
ting you together, or you have sinned
away your day of grace in outraging
her laws until you are beyond pardon.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

THE HIGHER MATHEMATICs.-Civ
Engineer Thomas G. Clarke states a fact
that has long been apparent to practical
men, when he says that much time is
wasted in our colleges and chronological
schools over the higher mathematics.
EVERY engineer" he adds, "will agree
with me that the cases where the high
er calculus is indispensable are so few
in our practice that its study is not
worth the time expended upon it. I'm
less the student possesses an extraordi-
nary genies for mathematics, would
limit the study to the ordinary analysis.
The time saved ] would devote to the
study of natural science in some of its
branches"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

The Brussels Conference decided on
the prohibition of poisoned arms, as we'll
as of the murder of any disarmed man,
the use of explosive projectiles and the
declaration of mo quarterl Ruses de
guerre are considered lawful. Fortified
place alone can be besieged, and open
towns are not to be bombarded. In a
bombardment all buildings consecrated
to religion, art and charity must be spar
ed, as well rs hospitals but they must
bear a flag or other visible sign. Nc
plundering is allowed. Those only ore
to be considered as spies who, under
false pretenses, seek to gather news with
the intention of communicating such in.
formation to the enemy. Newspapel
correspondents and reporters can b.
made prisoners, but shall not be treated
as spies if they possess a certificate from
a competent authority proving thei
quality
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

The Postmaster General did not find
the little feeler thrown out the other
day, suggesting an increase in the rates
of postage, 80 as to make the postal ser
vice self sustaining, at all acceptable 10
the public. He now announces that il
is no part of the plan Of retrenohment
he proposes 20 ask an increase OF the
rates of postage, but he will make such
accommodation to Congress az will
enable him 10 reduce expenses. lie
does not expect to fully pay the expenses
of the department, but there are sources
Of expenditure which can be regulated
and controlled by the legislation which
will be asked. This is all right, and
Governor Jewell is first class man TO
instute a system Of rigid economy with
out impairing the efficiency Of the mail
service. After the first Of January all
newspapers and periodicals going
through the postofice viii have to be
prepaid, and this will add largely 10 the
revenue Of the department.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

The Fiji Islands, that little bit of the
earth's surface which Great Britain has
recently annexed to her already exten-
sive dominions, is not so insignificant
after all. The islands are geographical
Iy described as constituting an archipel-
ago in the South Pacific, within the
tropics. There are three hundred is
lands in the group, having an area of u
400 acres, equal to the whole extent of
Wales, of which area $500 acres fall to
the share of Viii Leva and Vanua
Lew, the two pripcipal islands. The
soil is reported as surprisingly rich, and
among the natural products are MINER
ais, cotton, coffee, tobacco, indigo and
various spices. The climate, though
warm-averaging 75 to 80 degrees
throughout the years. delightful ard
salubrious. In the chief islands there
are harbors capable of holding the larg-
est fleets, and the situation, only 200
miles from New Zealand and 1000 miles
from Australia, is highly advantageous.
The white settlers, chiefly British and
American, number about 1000, and the
native population is 100000, of whom
10000 are mountain savages, supposed
to be cannibals. Out of the whole native
community, a very large majority are
reported as desirous of becoming Chris
tians.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

A SUBSTITUTE FOR LEATHER.-The
British Trade Journal describes newly
"leatberette," but not the process by
which II is made. IL says that the ma
terial is made in perfect imitation Of
different kinds Of leather, the sheets Of
fbrous pulp being pressed into real skins
of leather used as moulds. The grains
of the leather are thus accurately repro
duced in the leatherette. The Trade
Journal says that leatherette costs only
one-eighth as much as leather, and that
it has two advantages over the real arti-
Gle, being stronger and Of more uniform
quality. 1t is said to be particularly
we'll adapted for use in bOok-binding.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

In an Illinois town, not long ago, one
of the attractions of an evening enter
tainment was to be tableau of the Pro-
digal Son, after Dubufe's painting. But
the best looking young man in the place
had been selected for the prodigal, and
every one of the girls wanted to be the
woman who should hang on his shoulder
and look lovingly at him, and that broke
up the business.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
What Is Religion !
[Fron SWINGS last Sermon.

LFrom Swings last Sermon.
Religion is not simple consciousness
of God, but it is that consciousness af-
ter it has moulded life and made the
spirit great in its impulses, great in its
duties, great even in its pleasures. God is
the initial point of great life, but from
that gateway the life flows out and wi
dens to the breadth of the world. When
you hold a creed in your hand and read
and re-read it, you are, perhaps, up at
the springs of river, but you can float
no ship there, and can found no nation
or city in that dreamy place. Follow
the grand teachings of Jesus and his
saints, and strike religion far away from
his first definition. Seek the Amazon not
up.in obscure..mountain springs, but down
toward the sea, where the ships of all the
world may move and rock upon its bos-
ON, and where not far away the great
ocean rolls, with its music and mystery,
a sublime reminder of the Foul and its
God on both sides Of the tomb.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

A Train on the Erie road was fired
into, The other night, and one of the
passengers was seriously injured. A de-
tective, who happened to be on the train
gave chase to the man who had done the
shooting, and, after q chase of three
miles, through swamp and woodland,
captured him.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
Trichina-A Family Poisoned by Dis
eased Pork-One Boy Dead and
Four Others Very Low.
from the Bay Citv CDaich.) Chronicl,

From the Bay City (OIich.) Chronicle.1
A family named Punt, living near
Salzburg, are suffering terribly with
trichina. The facts in the case, as we
learn them from DR.. Marks, are as fol-
lows: In possession of the family was
an old sow, which gave birth to eight
pigs. The pigs lived but few days
after their birth, and then Mrs. Punt
decided to fat the old one to kill for
family use. She would not respond
very satisfactorily to a generous feeding,
and the attempt to make her as fat as
desirable was given up, and she was
slaughtered. A portion of the meat was
made into sausage, and the family ate OF
it. One boy, aged about fifteen years,
was taken sick. His joints became stiff
and swollen, and, after few days of the
most excruciating agony, he died on
Monday last. The four other children
we're almost Immediately stricken down,
and the same symptoms were apparent as
were shown in the case of their dead
brother. Neighbors wondered-some
thought it typhoid fever. Finally the
meat was thought of, and a portion of it
examined by gentleman living in the
vicinity, with a microscope. The ex-
animation revealed the fact that the
meat was literally alive with the pois-
onous parasites. The four children
were still alive when we received the in.
formation yesterday, but their joints
were stiff and terribly swollen. Their
agony, the doctor tells US, is terrible tc
behold. 1t is thought that they mus
| all die
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

In New York letter to the Baltimore
American, Jennie June says: at is pref
ty well understood that the Hon. Fer
nando Wood is laying his wires for the
difficult and dangerous honors of the
Speakership, and it is considered that he
will be formidable, and, very likely, q
successfull candidate. He is experienced
very rich ian admirable qualifcation)
and has handsome wife; lastly, he il
one of the few men who have survived
the Mayoralty. An ex-Mayor, like or
x-President, is usually employed fon
nothing but funeral professions"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

What was once Bald Face Hill, in
Ohio, is now called Mount Tusculum.
1t is by such transformations as this that
the dreamy real estate agent throws
around his bad lots that indescribable
AR Of romance which makes them cell.
f [Courier-J Journal.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

"Death is sad thing" remarked @
Schenectady woman, as she stood beside
an open grave. "Yes, poor thing" re.
piled another, show he did like to sit
down TO good billed dinner where the
pork was just right"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

Down in Virginia, the mother OF
Presidents, the sportsmen kill ganders
aged ninety years. Upon this informa-
ton the Washington Capital remarks:
"The name of the fortunate boarding.
house that drew the prize is not given.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

CRIME IN IRELAND.-Nobody need
patroni1e fair Erin, says the N. \ Tri-
bune she is really an excellent little
country. Here Is DR.. Hnncock's Re
port on the Criminal Statistics Of the
Isle, and a very encouraging thing Il IL.
The number Of ofindictable oiIansos In that
country Of much police and thorough
public prosecution il growing from year
TO year wonderfully less. Last year
there were 77A fewer Of such oiicnses than
during the preceding year-S,923 fewer
than the number ten years ago. The
percentage Of crime Is 10 below the aver
age for Great Britian during Ave years.
TruaEonable olisnses are almost un-
known
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

A spread-eagle orator wanted the
wings of bird to fly to every village
and hamlet in the broad land, but he
wilted when a naughty boy in the crowd
sang out, You'd be shot for goose be-
fore YOU had flied mile"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

During the late bathing season an in
dividual walked up to the Office of a
seaside hotel, and with considerable
flourish signed the book and exclaimed:
"I'm Lieutenant. Governor Of"
"That doesn't make any difference" says
the landlord; ''youll be treated just as
we'll ss the Others"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

The rubicund reporter of the Eagle
said good thing to a notorious bor-
rover the other day. "Hold on min
ute, Mac" said the latter, there's a
man i owe ten dollars to, and want to
find him." "Yes, d-n ye," said Mae
in his richest brogue, "ye want to find
him deadp'-[ Brooklyn Sun.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

John Bright has written letter ex-
pressing his disapproval Of compulsory
vaccination, declaring the law monstrouS
and st only to be repealed.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

We often see a large stock Of cattle
which do not seem 70 thrive; and come
out "spring poor" all for want Of some
thing 10 start them in the right diEec-
tion. One dollars worth Of Sheridan'a
Cavalry Condition Powders. given 90
nuch a stock occasionally during the
winter. would be- worth more than an
extra half ton Of hay.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20

"Relegated to the quietude of his own
residence" is what they call it in De-
troit when a candidate is defeated.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1874-11-20
What a Brave Wife Mrs. General
Sherman Has Been.

| Washington Correspondence Courier-Journ
| have a case in point as to the man
ner in which he was frequently imposed
upon. OF course the citizens of LOUIS
Vile recollect that, when Sherman was
in command of that department, he was
accused of insanity. He could not re-
ceive any answer from General McClel-
Ian to his dispatches. Mrs. Sherman
came to Washington and called upon
the President. She stated that for more
than twelve years she had been General
Sherman's wife, and, If any one was ca
pable of judging as to the soundness of
his mind, it would be herself. She de-
clared that there had never been the
slightest indication of insanity, though,
they might drive him to it; that, if he
were insane, she would be the first to
withdraw him from the public gaze,
but, so far from desiring that, she asked
that he might be instructed with any
thing that was difficult, or that was be-
coming his rank. Mr.. Lincoln's reply
to this was that General Shermans DIS
patches were not those of sane man"
Mrs. Sherman was astounded. After
leaving the President, she went to the
War Department, and requested copy
of her husbands dispatches. After OBJ
tanning these, she again called upon the
President. When Mr.. Lincoln resd
those papers, he said that they were not
at all what they had been represented to
him. This was the kind of work that
was being done in the War Department
where we need every good officer, and
by the light of to-day we can see how
few there were as valuable as Sherman
and yet the country would have lost his
services if his wife had not been the
brave, determined woman she is. Mr.
Chase took bold stand at that time in
saving Sherman, and l heard General
Sherman, at his daughters wedding
say the most graceful and felicitous
things to Mrs. Sprague personally, and
= in allusion to her father, knowing tha
kind recollections of him would be the
sweetest theme for his daughters ears
HARD TIMEs.-The Christian a
Work gives recipe for keeping time
/ hard, which, from close observation, w
: are prepared to guarantee, although w
. wish the recipe was destroyed and for
= ever forgotten. Here it is:
Let everybody talk depressingly
: When any one fails in business, put
in all the papers. Let business mel
keep up perpetual complaint. Let u
= have occasional editorials melting breat
riots, and political speeches on th
S wrongs of the laboring classes. Let ev
? erybody prophesy a hard winter, yer.
/ hard winter, an awful hard winter. lie
t US talk down instead of up. Let US al
|. take no account of the fact that flour
: cheap, and that the harvests are large
e and God is good. We shall in this wa
e be able to take another faggot from tn
I. poor mans hearth and knock anothe
: pane of glass ont of his window, an
e hinder the manufacturer from employ
n ing him. All together now-minister
editors, capitalists, and laborers-let L
give long, deep groan, and keep it &c
n ing till next spring, and the times wi
II be as hard as we could reasonably Ell
| nocf
The Portland daily press., 1874-02-18

MIR. ED1ToR.-I see by personal notice in
your paper of the 10th, that the Hon. G. W.
Goddard had been invited to give his views on
the subject of Capital Punishment" before the
M. q. NJ A., on Wednesday evening next
Tbs announcement will somewhat surprise those
members that were present at the last meeting
Lectures and debates make their final report for
the season. 1t has look as though the great
advocate of hanging wishes to get his One-sided
views on this subject before this community,
while the subject is being acted upon before the
ing the Coward's Castle to advance extreme
views, when there is no opportunity given to
rebut. There can be no objection, however, if
the committee give those who do not believe
in taking in cool blood, that life which none
but God can giUe and which he has COM
manded us Thou shalt not take, an equal
chance to reply. w.