davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24
The Tombstone Agent.

LIKE many other branches of trade,
agents for tombstone manufactures are
quite numerous, who often find it to
their advantage to work upon the feel
ings a little in order to effect sale.
The other day one happened to be in a
strange section and was sent to call
upon Mrs. Brown, who had lately lost a
husband. He introduced himself and
was invited to sit down; he spoke of the
weather, and then getting around TO
business said, rather tenderly - So YOU
have lost your huSband:" She went,
and said that it had that resemblance
lie said he sympathized with her in the
hour of her atfliction that the best of
friends were doomed to part, and but few
knew any more whose turn would he
next
He had not the honor of being ac-
quaintcd with Mr. Brown, but he had
heard him spoken of all over the country
IN the highest terms of praise this was
his usual style whether he had or not);
everybody considered him an honorable
man and an atectlonate husband, and
they mourned his loss with the most
earnest and tender affection; and he de
served a fitting memory: and as il was
the last sad rite she could do he begged
her 10 look over some excellent monu-
mental designs in Italian and American
marble, which he was prepared to sell at
the lowest terms.
Said she: Lookee here, mister; YOU
said he was an honorable man and aifec-
tionate husband, when you know YOU
lie; ne wasn't no such thing Its true
I've lost him, but he amt dead: he amt
the kind that dies-he ran off last
Wednesday with another woman and
doesn't need a tombstone, Tn sorry to
say-and Ia be much obleeged to you
If you'd light out and not come back
here again until you have occasion,
mister"
There was a rapid gathering up of
designs by the poor agent,
while he sayagely growledi out Soldr'
and faded away from Mrs. Browns on
The double-quick. When last heard from
ne was anXiously hunting up the cuss
who sent him there to sill tombstone !
-Chatield (HiHa.l Democrat.
To DISTINGUISH YOU'VE FROM OLD !
rear end of the breast-bone 4
n chicken Is soft, a gristle, which, as 4
he fowl grows older, hardens into solid 4
bone; b. pressing inward upon this bone /
/ can readily be aSCertained whether the 4
fowl has been wintered or not, as II will /
easily bend in a chicken but cannot be 4
oent IN an cid fowl. All edible birds
"hen young have the lower part of the 4
iegs, the feet, and the under part of the I.
leef soft, but as the fowl natures these
become hard and rough
WHEN man comes to know that he /
don't know everything, he then becomes /
wise !
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24

PERSONS who have become thoroughly
chilled from any cause may have their circu
lation at once restored by taking into the
stomach a teaspoonfuI of .IohHvou', Ano,Itn,
LtniHeet mixed in little cold water, well
swectcned.
EVERY farmer who owns a good stock OF
horses, cattle and sheep, and intends to keen
them through the winter, should get al once
a good stock of Sheriddn'S faralJy Condition
PO'cfe's. One dollars worth will save at
least half ton Of hay.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24
WiSHART'S
Pine Tree TarC Cordial

II is now fifteen years since the attention of the
public was rst called by Dr. l. q. G. Wishsrt 10 this
wonderful remedy and well has Il stood the test OF
time that today Ii not only has the confidence OF the
entire community. bur Is more frequently prescribed
by physicians in their practice than any other pro
prletary preparation in the country IL Is the vital
principle of the Pine Tree obtained by a peculiar
process in the istillatiun OF the Tar by which It's
highest pledit mai properties gre retained FOR The
following Complaints Inflammation Of the Lungs,
Coughs Sore Throat and Breast, bronchitis tonsump-
ton, Liver Complaint, Weak stomach, Disease of the
Kidneys Urinary Complaints Nervous Debility, nNs-
pepsia and diseases arising from an impure condition
Of the hood-thcre is no remedy in the world mat ms
been used so successfully or can show such number
of marvellous The following Will serve 10 show
the estimation in which this sovereign remedy is held
BY those who have used II.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24

WHEN man comes to know that he
don't know everything, he then becomes
wise.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24

TIE SoRTHEEsTERS HOhsE-NAu. coz
!" Finished ID is the best In the world.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24

OLIVER DlIS0N 4 co, CHAS. n. DITS0N & CO..
Boston. I'll broadway, n. 4.
The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1874-12-24

Consumption Tor Ten fenrs Nureu'
DR. L Q. C. WIsHART' Dear Sir-l am grateful to
YOU from The that you have made medicine that
will cure the disease OF the Lungs My wife has had
the Consumption for ten years. Physicians had tod
me that they could only patch her up for the Time
being She confined to her bed, and had been Tor
some time heard of your Pine Tree Tar cordial
and secured one bottle: " relieved her cough She
has now finished her fourth bottle and is able 10 DO
the work for her family. and may God speed you on
with your great discovery and have made for
REV +. H HOPKINS,
Iackanrl ShnlhA 90. OHIO.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A STRANGE CREATURE.-A eentle-
man travelling to Pittsburg, from one of
the neighboring towns, stopped to see
q friend, and left his horse tied on the
rood: On his return, he found the ami
NAL had slipped his bride, and while in
search OF him, he met an Irish pedes-
trian of whom he inquired:
Have you seen a strange creature
hereabOuts, with a saddle on?7
Och, by the powers ye may say
that"
Where ?" 7E "s
Jist yonder" ..r
will you show me the place ?n
That will in less than no time,''
said the man, approaching small wood
Of young timber. "Ay, there he is.
sure enough, honey.n Ti -
The gentleman looked up, and said,
81 don't sec him."
Then, by St. Patrick, you must be
blind. Not see him Och, by the
powers of mind, what's he about now
See how he swallows his head!n
why, sir, that's a turtle, and not a
horse!n
"a horse! and who the divil said it
was horse7 Sure a horse is not a
strange creature; but that's a strange
creature" )" he added, pointing to it with
fear and trembling, "and he has "a sad
die on; but hang me if I'd bride him
for the whole country a
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

How He UNDERSTOOD IT.-Sonle
years ago, sailor, at the close of " the
season." on the lakes, found himself
with q pocket full of money, the wages
Of his labor, His aged mother, residing
at Detroit, had experienced religion,H
as the Methodists say, during his alb
sence; and on Jacks return, persuaded
him to hire pew in her favorite
church. The next Sabbath she persua
ded Jack to attend service with her,
AS "a revival was then in progress,
after awhile the very individual Of
whom Jack hired the pew came to his
seat, and began to talk to him about his
spiritual welfare. Presently he asked.
Are you Christian 2" "Wha-a t ?''
returned Jack, his temper rising. care
You a protesting Christian ~ "AmI
Christian 7n retorted the indignant SAIL
or, in a tone loud enough to attract
general attention. Why, blast your
eyes! didn't buy a state room in this
here very church yesterday? and
haven't I got your receipt for it in my
jacket pocket this minute z" The in
cipient "mussn was explained away
with some difficulty; but Jack could
not be coaxed q second time to enter O
building where, as he said, the blasted
lubber of third mate insulted him."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20
COttOM-SpimniMg inn the South
Remarkable Success i'm
Georgia.
LFrOm the New York Snn.l

From the New York sun.
There are about 900 cotton spindles
in operation in the Southern States, and
at least 5000 of them are in Georgia, or
near there. Perhaps the most remarka-
bic example OfsuccesS in the spinning of
cotton in the whole world is found in the
city of Augusta. There are two mills
there running 10000 spindles with 500
| looms, producing sheetings, yarns, drills
steadily paid dividends of 20 per cent,
and have accumulated a surplus of about
$3.50, 900, with which they are building a
new mill Of 5000 spindles and 25O looms,
| and this entire sum has been made by
the mills.
Ihe Granville company, near Augusta,
runs over 10000 spindles and 700 looms,
p Us ten to twelve per cent dividends,
has handsome surplus, and is building
new mill.
The Langley mills, eight miles from
Augusta (Whose principal stockholders
are enterprising New York merchants),
have 10000 spindles and looms in pro-
portion capital, 100000 and during the.
recent panic the stock sold in Augusta
fOr ten to twelve per cent premium, al
though the mill had been running but
eighteen months.
NhO VIZ IAOSD pIl5Au&
MES of Geo gia is the Eagle and Phoenix
of Columbus, capital 81 $500 on which
ttey pay regular ten per cent. dividends,
besides laying up large surplus, out of
which they are building new mill,
which will make some $4,000 spindles
and 800 looms i'll all producing shirtings,
ya-ns, drills, osnaburgs, ginghams,
checks, rope, and cotton blankets. This
is the only factOryin America which pro-
duces the latter article, and their orders
already exceed their ability to manufac-
trlre.
In and near Columbus are several
other factories which have paid large
dividends. In Roswell, Cobb county,
and near there, are several large cotton
and woolen mills, running about $1,000
spindles and steadily making good divi-
dends, their surplus being used to in
factory, run by steam, has 5000 spindles,
and pays regular dividends of ten per
cent. Near Atlanta, Covington, Cuth-
bert and Bainbridge are prosperous mills,
all paying good dividends. In Savannah
is the ArkWright factory, owned by the
descendants OF the inventor of the spin
ming jenny.
In no instance has q substantial cotton
manufacturing enterprise with sufficient
capital been started in the cotton States
without paying handsomely from the be-
ginning. This arises from cheapness of
the raw material, bought almost at the
door, w tho 1T the cost of transportation, |
with a reduction in the other expenses
attending tie buying, selling and deliv- |
cry of cotton, making a saving of fully |
ten pc cent. Moreovey mild climate !
requires less fuel, making the cotton |
fib-e more ductile. Labor also is less ex-
pensive. Other things being equal there |
is doubtless saving of at least Is per |
cent by manufacturing in cotton pro-
ducing State, where cheap water power |
is afforded by almost every stream.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

How TO BE SoMEBoDY.-Don't stand
signing, wishing and waiting, but go to
work with an energy and perseverance
that will set every object in the way of
your success flying like leaves before
a whirlwind. A milk-and-water way
of doing business leaves a man in the
lnrcll every time. He may have ambi-
ton enough to wish himself on the top
most round of the ladder of success !;
but if he has not got the go-aheaditivess
to pull himself up there, he will newt
ably remain at the bottom, or at best
on the very low rounds. Never say |
can't, never admit that there is such a
worN. 1t has dragged it's tens Of thou
sands to poverty and degradation, and
it is high time that it was stricken from
our language but carry lexicon of
cans and | wills with you, and thus
armed, every obstacle in the way of
your success will vanish. Never envy
your neighbor his success, but try and
become like him, and as much better as
you can. If at first you don't succeed,
don't stand still with dependency and
can't, but grid ON the armor of can,
and my word for it you will.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

WHAT CAN BE DONE By H1NrISe,-
Mrs. Hogan and her husband were
neither of them fond of working,
They were perfectly willing to live On
the generosity of their neighbors,
which they were by no means backward
in soliciting.
One day Mrs. Hogan dropped into
Mrs. Farnham's, her next door neigh
Dor, just as the family were sitting
down to supper. Of course she was in
vited to sit down.
Your tea is very good,r said she,
81 wish Mr.. Hogan was here. He is
very fond of tea, and we are very Door
and can't afford to get it-it's so expen-
sive."
The hint was considered rather q
strong one, and Mrs. Farnham handed
Mrs. Hogan, just as she was going, o
pound parcel.
T" Thank you," said Mrs. Hogan, "I'm
glad to get the tea, but faint of much
use without milk
A quart of milk was then consigned
to her charge.
some sugar, we should be provided
Mrs. Farnham procured pound and
gave it to her. s.. .s
Now,n said Mrs. Hogan, "we shall
stand a chance to have good Gun of
tea. There's nothing relished with tea
like apple pie, as Hogan often says.n
The hint was strong enough to draw
out the article desired.
"After all, = said Mrs. Hogan, as she
took the pie in her hand, "pie ain't pie
unless body has cheese to eat with it
If there's anything like it's cheese"
1t was impossible to resist an appeal
like this. An ample slice having been
placed in her possession, she paused for
a moment, as ii considering whether
there was not something else she might
call for. Failing to think of anything,
she was about to move off when q
thought struck her.
These articles are rather heavy, and
| amt as strong as used to be. don't
know as shall be able to get home"
Mrs. Farnham agreed to send her son
John to carry part of the things home,
an offer which Mrs. Hogan accepted
without the least hesitation. When
John had landed his load, Mrs. Hogan
limited that she had some wood She
should like to have split, but John
didn't believe in hints, and therefore
left without taking it.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Among others who trot up for charity,
are several kinds of skilled mechanics,
many of whom are out on strike for an
wiiI not Work ( for four doll dollars rs % day io be1
cause heeannot get Eve. These objects
of charity are continuing the dull times,
keeping money locked up, acting the part
of the dog in the manger, OF course,
they can't see their families starve; no,
TINT would be terrible in a land of plenty.
[Wild Cats.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A wicked boy caught FREELY one day
and stuck it with mucilage on the center
Of the largest lensof the telescope iD the
Washington Observatory. The asfron-
omer perceived blaze of light, which
died out at intervals, and thinking he
rad discovered q most extraordinary
star, he pronounced it "of the third mag
nitude of Orion He telegraphed, at
an expense of $4,000, all over the world,
and the astronomers gazed at Orion un-
TIL they were wild, and telegraphed back
to the Professor for further information
In the meantime the discoyerer found
his star had moved eighteen billions of
milesin twenty four hours and perceived
it actually had legs! But ON polishing
his lens he found the lightning bug =
then he swore terribly-worse than "our
army in Flanders i'm fact they heard
him swear way down in Alexandria,
seven miles away. Since then he has
been looking for that boy; he wishes to
consult with him about something.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

At a dinner table the other day, a
facehous youth called into question
whether it was correct to use the phrase,
That ere [air] gun.n A wit who sat
near him promptly replied, Certainly,
ii it is proper to say this ere [eafl
trnmDet.o
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

The Superintendent of the Washing
ton public schools has prepared the fol-
lowing blanks to be filed out by the
teacher: ITO the superintendent: Sir
/ have this day administered corporal
punishmentto- for. Instrument used
-. Number of strokes. Part of person
applied to --. Why nota different meth
Od of punishment Answer.
g.. Teacher"
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

THE CABINET.
Hamilton Fish, of New York, Secretary of
State.
William W. Belknap, Secretary Of War.
=. Geo. NJ. Robson, Of New Jersey, Secretary Of
Navy.
Geo s. Boutwell,, Of Massachusetts, Secretary
of Treasury.
j. w. Douglass, acting Commissioner Of In
ternal Revenue.
Geo Fl. Williams, of Oregon, Attorney General
: j. A. J. Cresswen, of Maryland, Postmaster
General.
c. Delano, Secretary of Interior.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Said an Irishman to the telegraph
operator, "Do you ever charge any
body for the address of q message ?'
"No," replied the operator. "And do
ye charge for signing his name, sir ?n
said the customer. "No sir" "Well,
then, will ye please send this? lust
want my brother to know l am here,D
handing the following: "To John
M'Flinn-at New York;
rick M'Flinn." It.was sc 1T as a .ibute
to Patrick's shrewdness.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Sometime ago weI1-known angler
was fishing in a trouting stream in
Scotland, on a Monday, when he was
accosted by the minister, who asked
him as to his success. The angler, af-
ter replying, said to the minister:
=" Dae ye no try the rod yersep?" "Oh,
no., said the minister, with pious awe
and eyes upturned; II am a fisher of
men," "Oh, indeed" replied Sandy,
but doot ye're nae great hand OF, for
| look it into your creel (basket) yes
terday, and it was unco empty
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Brown relates the following bit of
conversation he had with an aequain-
tance. He said he used to write for the.
papers once and, meeting an editor one
day, the editor said he would like some
thing from his pen, and, says he,
What do you think I sent him ?''
Says Give it up Says he: Well,
he said he wanted something from nv
pen, SO sent him pig
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

I've known many church to die
cause it didn't give enough, but I never
knowed church to die cause it gave too
much. Dey don't diedat way. BREEDER
en-, has any of you knowed church to die
cause it gave too much /? fyou do, Jest
let me know, and I'll make q pilgrimage
to dat church, and I'll climb by de soft
light of de moon to its moss covered roof,
and I'll stand dar and lift my hands to
heaven and say Blessedare de dead dat
die in de LOrd.W
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Al, a party the other evening, Smith,
the funny man, picked from the floor
some false hair, and holding it aloft,
wickedly asked who had lost it. I'm
pulsively, the hand Of every lady within
ear shot went to her back hair. 1t was
cruel to throw them off their guard and
expose them so, but Smith says it
wasn't his fault.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A gentleman was recently compli-
menting very, pretty young lady in
the presence of his wife. "It is lucky"
he said, "that did not meet Miss -
before | married you, my dear"
Well, yes, !" replied the wife, "it is ex-
tremely lucky-fOr her."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

In recent article on fair in his To-
cality, the editor of western paper
says brother editor took a valuable
premium, but an unkind policeman
made him put it right back where he
took it from.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A Few years since, at the celebration
OF our national anniversary, poor
peddler, who was present, being called
upon for a toast, offered the following:
Here's health to poverty ;jt sticks to q
man when all his friends desert him."
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Under the head of Chow we assist
the Devil" religious paper says:
I've consume millions of gallons Of
distilled spirits yearly" The editor
must be making money.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A Poughl1eepsie parent lately induced
o croupy youngster to make quite o
hearty meal of buckwheat cakes and
maple molasses," but the latter proved
to be nice syrup of squills. The boy
said he thought something allied the
molasses the very minute his father
told him to eat all he wanted. IL
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20
a eREAT oPFEE.-noRAcE W.ArERs

"A GREAT OFEEB.-HORACEWA WATERS
"a. ~ Son, 48I broadway, N. r., will dispose OF
400 Planes and Organs Of first-class makers, in
cluding Waters, at extremely low prices for
cash or part cash, and balance in small monthly
payments New 7-Octav0 flrst-class Pianos, all
modern improvements, tor Sa75 cash. Organs
$50, &75 DoubleR Reed Organs, $I00 stop, S1IO; /;
S.StOp, $I25, and upwards.
WATERS CONCERTO PARL0R ORGANS
are the most beautiful in style and perfect in
tone ever made. The Concerto Stop is the best
third set of reeds peculiarly voiced the efecf OF
which is most charming and sunfstirriHg, while
its initiation OF the human voice is superb.
Terms liberal. Illustrated catalogues mailed for
Churches, Sunday Schools, Lodges, etc. Agents
wanted.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

The Boston Transcript says: "If the
gates of heaven were suddenly to swing
open and all mankind be asked on equal
terms to enter into the kingdom, don't
you know some WHO would pause to see
what some other people would do about
it, and some who would draw back for
fear the celestial city was getting yul-
gar; and some who would refuse alto
gether, il they saw the so and SOS about
In putar9f
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

STATE OFFICERS
". P. Kellogg, Governor.
C. c. Antoine, Lieutenant Governor.
c. W. Lowell, Speaker of the House of Repre-
sentatives
P. G. Deslonde, Secretary of State
A. p. Field, Attorney General.
Charles Clinton, Auditor of Public Accounts.
Antoine Dubuclet, Treasurer.
w. q. Brown, Superintendent of Public Edu-
cation.
Geo. B. Loud, supt. Education, Srd Congress
sional District.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

1t costs London milkman 500 il de-
tected in the sale of adulterated milk
once. Ii he is again detected he goes
to jail and has his name and address
published.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

TREASURY DEPARTMENT, I
Washington, d. c., December 20, 1878.
Department No 146-Secretary's Office.
The following list Of standard values OF foreign
currencies in the money account of the United
States will be used in the computation OF GUS
uary, 1874, and until otherwise provided by law
and regulations, viz:
FOREIGN MONEYS OF ACCOUNT AND THEIR VAL
TIES IN UNITED STATES MONEY OF ACCOUNT.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Boosting is sometimes out of place,
We were once amused at hearing n
gentleman remark that he was bach
elor, as was his father before him.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

An Indianapolis beggar goes about
selling his wife's wedding ring to buv
bread for his children. He has already
sold twenty live of them.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

When q policeman finds a man full thew
take him TO the station house, and his
friends bail him out
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

Prof. Proctor says that if an infant
were born having an arm of the length
of 81 100000 miles, SO as to reach the
sun, and if in the cradle he were to
stretch out his arm and touch the sun,
that infant might grow to the three
score years and ten allotted to man,
but he never would be conscious of the
fact that the tip of his finger was
burned he would have to live one hun
dred and thirty-tiye years before that
would be experienced. Some infant
ought to lust try this to see whether the
professor is right.
The Opelousas journal. [volume] (Opelousas, La.) 1868-1878, 1874-03-20

A prominent journalist in New York,
who is perfectly bald, has offered re-
ward OF $4,000 for a a story that will
make his hair stand on end.