, 1873-01-05


HUMoR.
The worst thing I" under the canopyr-Amos-
quito
"A poor man ia to be ayoided-he lacks
principal, and nerer las any interest in any
thing
When voyager makes his way to the top
Of the Pyramids. We presume he is enjoying the
benefits OF q foreign climb.
Tho difference between sealing-war and
women, says Reuben, il, that one burns to keep
= secret and the other to tell it,
--A little boy III school gave one Of the best
definitions eser giTen to economy: faF'ns
-Thackeray says that a critic is q Solomon
that sita in Judgment before us and chops up
cur children
-"Neighbor Brown has gone crszy on the
subject Of manure piies." remarked an unpro-
sressye 4 sgHlculturist. "Ho is absolutely non
"a contemporary phllosophizes thus: With
out doubt, had Adam hecn an Engliahman, his
condition, with nothing to gru1nble ut, and no
1'good old times" !" to look back upon, would
have been the extreme Of misery.
--"I want to know" said a creditor, herce1y,
when Yo1 are going 70 pay mo what @ you oTe
me7" "When I'm going to- pay? Why, you're
pretty fe1lowl Do you take me for prophet T.
-"det out OF my way! What are yop good
for 2" said croas old man to bright-cyed
nrchin who happened to be standing in the wey:
The little fellow, rs he stepped one side, replied
very gently: "rhoy mako men Of such things
as re are."
Tho higher mp we git, the more Ne ara
steaple is ov more importance, altho' he Is thin,
than two roostera in ba1n-yard
Tho grossest instance OF humbug va hare
met with for q long time is that Of an indirid-
ua1 who adyeztises for sale q Siberian blood
hound, which he calls IA l." when every ono
possessing the ordinary 1udirnents OF an Eng
Gsh education ought to know that the beast IS
K9.
against it-how alowly when you are working to
fill it upt What q difference between trying to
got your work done before your dinner hour.
and trying to fill up tho hour before dinner With
a smart boy in ono Of the public schools OF
Cadiz, Pa, having been required to write a COM
position on some part Of the human body, e1-
panded as follows: s'Tte Throat-A throat is
convenient to have, especially for roosters and
minister's The former eats corn and croys with
ap tho latter breaches through h''n 'na ties it
There is one boy in Danbu1y who got moth
ing in his stocking, Christmas. He left pan of
ashes on the front stairs, TO follow sn organ
crashing ont Of tho front door and down tho
front stoop, accompanied by that pan and it4
contents, and looking for all tho world like real
god riding upon the clouds. For few minutes
that boy thought he had pile-driver for an az
cestor.
There ia evidently somo ssoutcorne" g in tho
boy in Professor Haitman'a school s7ho wrote tha
composition upon ''the pin," subject chosc~'
by his teacher. knowing the boys averaoa IT,
literary efforts. his teacher exacted but t"o scn-
teuces. After considerable effort, the little hcr1
produced tho following. spins arc very usefu..
They have saved the lives Of crest many men;.
women, and chi1dren,--in fact whole families
to the manner in which the lives Of 20 maa:'
people had been esvcd through the inhlral.
mentality Of pins, the boy innocentiy remarked,
"Why, By not swallowing them" ..
a Brookville lady who is frequently annoyed
doubtful condition, was awakened, tho othe-'
night, by voice In her 1oor1- Looking up. a.,
saw her Iege lord endeavoring to trace the lines
on her "Uolly Warden" which was hung a3alns~
the lamp. "What do yon mean BY bringing
inquired the indignant wife. .'JnBt keep quiet.
(hicl old woman. Bill says PUNK tawneY IL di-
(biej lar i hs holds That lamp (hie} still louS
enough for me to find it (hic) On this map"
a gentleman gave aletter Of introduction t.,
a student Of music about to visit Leipsic, Flo
wished to put himself under the instruction. Of
Professor -, \ famous teacher OF music III
The hitter city. Upon the students return homs-
lessor -7" "Oh, wonde1fnilyt Ho ga5o
no fine 1essocs; but ho Is very singular man
He kept praying all the timo be was teaching
me-" ''Praying7 Why, what do you mean
~ Well, while I was playing, be clnsped h;'
hands, lifted his eyes to the ceiling, and kept
saying, Good Lord, what sin have committed
70 deserve this puolahment2
There is lady in Lexington, Ky., according
bats, monkey and parrot, who ara On aatag-
'nistic terms, aud uho are locked up separately
shen left unmatched One dny they we're acci-
1entally left together, and desperate fight en-
med. The monkey rnthlessIy pulled ont every
'very feather OF the unfortunate parrot, and
,roke up the mantel ornaments, and snashed
hings generally. When AlrB. G. returned. sho
ound The monkey chattering On the 1nantei-
'iece, and out crept tho parrot, looking deeply
injured, and greeted her with, "We've had =
II OF titne!''
mr. James Fisk1s Ernveynrds.
From, Stokef' Examination.
I had sfaTe foass for my personal aa:ety.. Mr..
'isk told me At one time tbs. 10 had graveyaris
Or those who crossed his path, aud that HI.
,-t - r. J..