Richland beacon., 1873-03-22
GENERAL ITEMS.

SIC transit-That across the ocean.
DOAT-AGE-The age of infancy.
A ..yoUNG sHAvER''-A BARRIERS baby. ,
The coming MANA waiter.
SnoCKING-A magnetic battery.
A MAN over .bored-An editor.
The best flowers for winter wear
FurZe.
An unsatisfactory meal-A domestic
broil.
ORR nineteenth century is the age of
tools.
A STRAIGHT line is the shortest in NOR
ais as in geometry.
Boys are like vinegar: the more |
"mOther' there is in them. the sharper |
they become.
CIVILIZED cannibalism- Eating your
bread with little Indian in it.
NEITHER great poverty or great riches
will bear reason.
SEVEN thousand women belong to the
Belgian InternatiOnals.
A MAN that don't know emmy thing will
tell it the first time he gets chance.
Josh Billings.
WHEN | am n man, is the poetry of
childhood; when was young, is the poe
try of old age.
A TRUIs,I-An expensive wife makes a
pensive husband.
A MAN that ought to be remembered
a one-legged soldier.
IL the best mans faults were written on
his forehead he would draw his hat over
his eyes.
An Idaho miner lately fell several hun
dred feet out of a ''hucket' without kick
ing it.
NATIONS and men are only best when
they pre- gladdest, and deserve Heaven
when they enjoy it.
An ohio diaryman wishes to patent the
application of galvanism for the destruc-
ton Of cheesemites.
TALK about the modern falling off of
home affections! Our wives are becOm-
ing dearer every day.
OUR school-bOy remarks that when his
teacher undertakes TO show him what Is
what, he only finds out which is switch.
THE Boston Board of Trade has re.
solved that the State ought to retain con-
troll OF the hole OF the 1oOsac Tunnel.
lie alone is man who can resist the
genius of the age, the love of fashion
with vigorous simplicity and modest cOur
age.
LET us not disdain glory too much
nothing is finer except virtue. The height
of Happiness would be to unite both il
this life.
PHILADELPHIA papers, having slain the
steam-whistle monster, have buckled OF
their armor against the ringing of church
bells on the Sabbath
THE rate of telegraphing between thi
country and Europe is one dollar a word
but the price is to be reduced on the Is
of May next, to 20 cents per word.
HYPOCRISY is folly. 1t is much easier
safer and pleasanter to be the thing which
a man aims to appear than to keep up tn
appearance of being what he is not.
An organization OF capitalists is re
ported to be forming i'm North Carolina t
carry pine products to the highest pitch
A sort of target company with brains.
EVENTS are only the shells of ideas
and often it is the fluent thought of age
that is cryStalized in a moment by tn
stroke of pen or the point of bayOnet
PROFESSOR AGAssIz says that "trilO
bites are not any more closely related t
the phyllopods than to any other entO
mostrac1 or to the isOpod." Of cOurs
not .
A MAN who bought thousand Havan;
cigars, recently, on being asked what III
was carrying, replied that they wer
tickets to a course of lectures to be givel
by his wife.
An exchange tantalizes its readers witt
this atrocity: g Have You heard of tn
man VIII, got shot?' s'Got shot? No
how did he get shot?' "IIe bough
them"
SwIFT's maxim in conversation was
Take as many half minutes as you ca
get, but never take more than half a mir
ute without pausing, and giving other
an opportunity to strike in.
A GENEROUS man can use sarcasm
Is the scOrn felt BY true nature for wha
is base but sncer has always vein Q
the ignOble in it, and a sheer at a falle
accOmplice belongs to natures of the low
est grade.
IT is an old saying and one of fearful
and fathOmless import, that we are form
ing characters for eternity. FOrmin
characters Whose? Our own or others
Both, and in that mOmentOus fact lies tn
peril and responsibility of our existence
MENTIONING that wood fires are cheap
er than a Doctors visits, Charles Dudle
Warner alphabetically adds: mot that
have anything against doctors; l Onl
wish. after they have been to see us in
way that seems so friendly, they had nc
thing against u.s."
ARfsToCRACY i'm the 10Th century is tn
league. the coalition, of those who wis
to consume without producing. live with
out working, occupy all public place
without becoming competent to fill then
and seize upon all honors without merit
ing them-that is aristOcracy!
THE man who sat up all night weigh
ing a ton of coal with a pair of steelyard
and by the pailful, to see that he had r.
ceived full weight, thought he was ahea
few pounds until he remembered tn,
he had not deducted the weight of I'll
pail.
A MINISTER, making a pastoral call 8
house where the children were keI
pretty quiet on Sunday was confidential
Informed by one of the little girls th'
she would like to be a minister. "Why:
said the gratified but somewhat puzzle
shepherd. $50 l could hOller on Sunday,
was the reply.
Small POx-HOw to Prevent COntagiOI