Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-05-23
Fl U.M OR

A gentleman took the following telegram
to telegraph Office: II announce, with
grief the death of Uucle James. Come
quickly to read will believe are his
oeirs-John Black" The clerk iaviui
cnunted the words said There are W.
words two many. sir All right, cut ou'
with grief.
There is u gentitmsn out West WHO feels
considerable taken dom. He rema ked ie
his wife that it was lucky he didn't met
Miss - before he got married. sad III
wife unfeelngly put 10 her Gar. 4"d >a'',
Eyes, lucky for her The cuais''s y Ia
children has been awarded to uis ~,i,.
The tenn perapce cause in Kentu Ky hts
been somewhat set back BY th~ asa 4nsce
ment that one of the few water Il 7ke- II
that State has just discovered at ne '.s't' m
Of his well the body OF a slsilbe " " dls-
appeared four years ago and the maj ray
Of the people have resolved to It X 10 whs
kew and let wells alone
An extract from Geo Frarcrs Tram ul-
osraphy reads that his five years of college
life were spent in Holmes grocery in Cam
bridgeport, Mass /, is further stated that
be wss married Oct 5, 1850. in Louisville.
aid declined the presidency of the Austfal
ian Republic in 1858.
Compulsory education develops such
minds as these Mistress Mary, 60 into
The sitting room, please, and tell ME ho"
the thermometer Stands Mary (afser H.
yestigating )-..It stands on the first man
,epiece, just agin the wall men,"
Some men spend fortune coloring sheir
pipes. Others spend fortune colorinl
their faces. We know one man who has
spent $40, 900 simply in coloring his nose.
and is not satisfied yet. We hold him up
as beacon"
"Well known citizens are honored With
highly eulogistic notices in the newspapers
when they die in Boston, excellent elii-
zens 10 Philadelphia, 'old defenders" il
Baltimore, and pioneers or Forty min
ers in San Francisco.
''Do you think am a fool ?" violent
man once asked of the Rev. DR.. Bethune.
Really" replied the Doctor, II would moi
venture the assertion. but now that you ask
my opinion, must say that am not pre-
pared to deny it,"
"Men are what women make them" is
the title of new book. 1t may be true,
but we have seen some dreadfully poor spe-
cimens of the manufactured article, which
fact reflects badly either upon the material
or the maker.
A Florida alderman sold bis vote for ap
oroide chain and circus ticket, and hi,
friends ars naturally ashamed and indignant.
They know that he might have obtained
jack knife in addition. by simply asking fer
1t.
When the speaker of the Arkansas Legis-
lature said that the gentleman from Ga,
County was out Of order. Clay County pick
ed up an inkstand, and offered to bet ten
dollars he wasn't. Speaker lodged
It is said that St. Louis editor used to
write poetry, when boy, and had a repu
tation in that line extending over an area
Of country three miles long, four miles wide
and mile thick
A Washington inventor is hard at work
on model on dog that can run along the
top Of fence. lie expects to wreak des
iruction on the caps and become Weather
than the Rothschilds
Aunt Susan says, "suppose all the MI n
were in one country, and all the women in
another with a big river between them
Good gracious what lots Of girls woull be
drowned !"
''Who dat hi; me?'' where's da, ls,.
tera f.? were the EXPLANATIONS of an astouisl-
cd Elmira darkey, after being thrown so,u
thing like hundred feet by locomotive
They have pet fled woman in PLiiadel-
phia. She was petriGed With as,orishme,
o. her husband bringing her home new
dress for which che had rot asked him
Mrs. Scott, of Omaha, asks her three
husbands, through newspaper advertise
ment, to meet her at a certain hotel. there
to settle their conflicting claims.
It is unlawful to give fellow chewer a
chew Of tobacco. The revenue law forb;ds
any one to "sell or dispose Of tobacco in anv
form without paying license
The editor of the Usage Mission Trans.
eript" has been interviewed by man who
had, seen his name in the paper and was not
happy. No bones broken.
The Port Valley mirror" remarks tina,
''some young ladies are as hard to under.
stand as tho new postal law"
An Iowa merchant won't advertise in the
papers, but paints on the fences, go two
Aliens for yer dri goods"
Des Moines sportsmen report s'duoks
without end.' What, then, do Des Moipes
ducks have?
A Delaware judge fined lawyer only 81
for calling him ''a bloated old rbinoceros !"
Gravity is no more an evidence of wisdom
shsn paper collar is Of alinea shirt.