The Volcano lubricator. (Volcano, W. Va.) 1871-1879, 1873-12-16
SOW to Spend Stormy Day.

Then get very slowly out of bed,
vawning and stretching laziiy tie
while. Drag on your clothes one af
ter another rs loosely as possible. -
Dab little water over YOUR face, and
dry il with the fringe OF the towel
Then screw up your hair in = friz2!ed
w,ld at the hack of your head, and slap
j; with the brush. II YOU have 4 di-
lapidated old wrapper lying round
the house, pick it mp and put il on; its
just the morning for it. Don't put on
any collar, nor belt; what do YOU care
FOR looks on such stormy morning.
Having thus completed vour toilet,
betake Yourself TO the breakfast room
with lingering steps. Arrived there,
il any of the family should be so de-
mcnted rs TO bid Won pleasant Good
morning. don't deign 10 notice it, but
walk 10 the table with great dignity,
draw out your chair, throw Yourself
languid!y into it, put both elbows on
the table (of course YOU don't care for
etiquette on such morning), rest your
chin in the palm Of your hand, and
exclaim, with prodigious yawn, as
YOU pass your cup for coffee, "Oh!
dear. dear, what gloomy morning.!
The reflection will give on an appe-
tite, and, besides, maybe the rest OF
the family haven't noticed it, and it
may be a cheering bit of intelligence
TO them.
If anybody should dare to be aston
ished at the unwontcd elaboratereSs OF
your morning toilet, bestow upon them
a freezing look that shall silence them
at once, and stop all further inquiries.
Enliyen the meal by com planning OF
everything on the table.
After. having remained at the break
fast-table half an hour after every one
else has left it, you may prepare to
leave it, taking care to do so slowly
and deliberately, lest any one should
think YOU were obliged to leave. Now
put on discontinued, gloomy, forbid
ding look, and gaze from the window
a while, taking particular pains to
stand where every one who passes can
see you, you will make most anima-
ted picture, and, doubtless, cheer the
heart of many passer-by.
Don't settle yourself to do anything.
You might find something that would
divert YOUR mind, and make it imma-
terial to you whether it Grained or
shone," thus spelling half your pleas
ure. II convenient, however, and you
are sure you feel like it, YOU might
empty the contents of a bureau draw
err or two where they will be in every
body's way, with the iaudable purpose
OF cleaning it up" but, for mcrcy's
sake, don't carry out your purpose!-
Give up in the midst of it, and hurry
those things back into the drawers in
4 way that would cause the hair of the
most untidy woman that ever drew
breath to stand on end. Now, you
might be seized with 4 sudden desire
to improve your mind BY reading all
the old papers around the house. Get
them all out. Don't leave single one
in its usual place; scatter them every
where with unsparing hand, and after
doing so conclude that on don't feel
like reading to-day; but don't put a
way those papers-don't! Leave them
all over the house; it will give it 4
cheerful, tidy appearance, besides I'M
proving the general temper Of the fam
lily. and bringing you into notice.
OF course you needn't change your
dress nor improve your personal aP-
pearance in the least during the day
It is not at al! likely that any one will
call such stor v day, and as far car
ing to please the eyes or feelings OF
your own family, why hope you are
not an ,diot.
If any one should make so bold du-
ring the day as to ask you to do them
favor, especially if any younger
member Of the family, missing its out
door play should become restless and
fretful, and want to be amused, survey
them for one decisive moment from
top to toe" and then, giving them a
look that shall haunt them to their dy-
ing day. turn on your heel and leave
them to their own reflections.
If, after having pursued this course,
and lolled around to the best Of your
ability all day, the evening should hap
pen to be pleasant, and you should don
your prettiest dress and sweetest smile,
Z r