The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1873-08-13
THE NORTH AMERICAN DRUMMER AND
Ills HABITS.


has as many ribs, fingers, and toes as
an ordinary mortal by his cheek We
shall know him. His dplon,b is pro-
digious. He loves the "great west"
and there he is chiefly seen, and can
best be studied. In the railway coach,
the steamboat, the stage coach, the ho.
tel, he is as much at home as Welsh
parson in cheese factory. Who is
that sleek individual who sits OH the
outer side of the car, occupying four
seats, when he pays for only one?
How sweetly and innocently ignorant
he is Of the fact that there is carful
of passengers looking for seats His
head is buried in railway guide, and
soundly he sleeps while the train is at
a standstill at a station Shrewd rat
ne knows we'll enough there will be
rush for seats. AS soon as everybody
has disposed Ct hi.ii.2,;.seiff-three in a
seat-he awakens from a pleasant
dream, stretches his legs, and smiles
blandly on all.
He sits at the head Of the table in
the best hotel in the town. You deem
him some local magistrate, who cuts
off coupons for amusement. The dish
es are drawn up in front of him in
serried rows. He arranges them in
the shape of block house. and looks
at you through the port holes, and
smiles. He doesn't smile at you be-
cause he loves you, but because his
food tickles his stomach and makes
him good natured. He calls the wait
ress by her first name. She doesn't
leave his side for an instant, save to
hand him the last dish Of the first pass
of the season, which you had so low
ingly set your hungry eyes on. The
landlord enters and pours out a glass
of water for him, and offers him
cigar. He takes it as though he we're
President of our glorious Republic.
The landlords pretty daughter dresses
his salad, and one begins 10 wonder
which half of the State he owns, and
what he holds it at You expect to
see somebody wag his jaws for him.
You hear the chambermaids giggling
in the corner, and Mr.. Sharpedge's
name hilariously mentioned. You
subsequently learn that Mr.. S. is a
hardware drummer.
Strolling into the hotel Office Mr.. S.
is seen occupying three chairs. He is
cracking jokes while an admiring
crowd are cracking bottles for him.
Perhaps Mr.. Calico, a dry goods drum
mer, Mr.. Felt, hat drummer, and
Mr.. Allspice, grocer's agent, are
present. The hotel keeper cannot do
enough for Messrs. Sharpedge, Calico,
Felt, and Allspice. He would cut the
throat Of every other boarder if he
thought it would amuse them. Drum
mers tyranize over landlords. Should
hotel keeper offend commercial
agent, every bum, l mean drum
mer, soon knows it, Not long ago an
Illinois landlord detected Chicago
drummer tucking a cigar up his coat
sleeve, and accused him of it. The
landlords apartments are as comfort
able as are afforded by any country
aims. house.
Sometimes drummers perpetrate
practical jokes on one another. 1t is
sometime before green drummer's
eyes are opened to the kittenish pranks
of his fellows.
A friend of mine was once drum
/ mer, but he retired from the profession
as soon as he had collected various
trihing little sums which his brethren
had borrowed.
I remember a joke which was play
ed on my friend by four dry goods
drummers. He will always remember
it, and he confidently expects some
time to see its perpetrators looking
sadly through prison bars. He was
young and green. 1t was his first trip.
In st Louis he fell in with a Chicago
drummer. My friend had been com
planning of the high rate of railroad
fare.
"WhyP' asked one of the gentle
men mentioned, "don't you belong to
the Agents Cooperative Beneficial
Self-Sustaining Commercial Associa-
tion ?"
"By Jovel it's a splendid thing"
said the other. "Every agent belongs
to it. No member of the "A. C. B. S.
G. A. ever pays any fare. They have
secret signs which all the conductors
recognize. Better join. We are Off
GERS and will initiate you. 1t costs
only $50.
GAIL right" says my friend, "I'll
join. Here is a draft for $50 ON my
firm"
In the evening my friend was invited
to a champagne supper, and the secret
sign was divulged. He had only to
| rnn his middle finoer over his cheak