, 1873-06-15

triumphantly asked: "What kind Of q id bug
do you call that ?"
requested, by rich and vulgar young fellow, for
permission to ma1ry " one Of his girls, gave this
rather crushing reply " Certainly; which would
yon prefer, the waitress or the cook :"
An inquiring man thrust his fingers into
horses mouth to see how many teeth he had.
The horse closed his mouth to see how many
fingers tho man had. The curiosity Of each was
fully satisfied.
"A Southern editor, who had written what he
conceived to be some very stirring verses called
found them printed with the head, THE King
Of the Tusca1oras."
The hornet is beautifully defined to be the
red-hot child OF nature.
The reader will remember the ostler spoken
OF by Sam Weller, who wrote his last will and
Testament upon stable door, 4 Tennessee
man has published and declared his parliamentary
Intentions upon paper collar, which passed pro-
bate well enough, though it WAS founda little
The advocates Of capital punishment answer
their opponents by saying: :" You must draw
the line somewhere"
"A Peoria gentleman has valuable library OF
over q thousand volumes, and he got it cheap.
He took agricultural reports which wore sent to
him, and had the backs tastefully labeled as the
works OF the great authors:
-"Most extraordinary" said Sergeant War
ren, the author OF Ten Thousand Year" who
*A4aAA6 A*1A+A~@t !
dined at the Duke OF Northumberlands on
Monday, and there was no fsh for dinner"
"No," cried Douglas Jerrold, "they had eaten
it upstairs"
who send poetry to the newspapers should al
ways retain copies. The New York Times sug-
gests that they should also retain the originals.
-Teetotalers who felcitate themselves On the
progress Of their cause will do we'll to digest the
following: An old atager Was compelled by his
worthy spouse to ''join the co1d-water army, ;. "
| which he did, promising never to touch drop OF
| anything else, except in ainkness. 30 far the
! story is excellent, But now for the mora me
Lord Chief-Justce Cockburn has just made
joke. HRS. Jury being examined as wit
ness in the Tchborne case, stated TINT sha had
bad eleven children, whereupon His Honor OBJ
| served he had always understood it took twelve
to make = jury. England ia still echoing the
laugh which convulsed the court.
-" Arrah, Pat, and why did marry yo? Jist
tell me that for it's self that's had to main
tain 70 irer since the blessed day that Father
O'F1anigan sint me hum to yer house." '5wste
jewel" replied Pat, not reliahing the charge,
fan its meself that hopes may live to see the
day you're widow waping over the cow1d sod
that hvers me-thin, BY ST. Patrick, I'll Aee how
you get along without mo, honey"
The local editor OF one Of our exchanges has
bursting paragraph, as follows: Delinquent
subscribers should not permit their daughters to
wear this paper for . hustle. There being 30
n44o1 Ma1 & =. -. ~, ,a5;s;. - lea ~ 49, a-te1;no
dr,a o etorn nlJ Ia 4 other dav Vas iots of IS
w,at IS a. eIotu 4o .tsnt ;,on,rad the c,arE noh
Il don't r,aEe anv diffarence. no il something
i1valv. Dad ia fesrf1I bad" stWhat silB him IN
aaked the cIerk. NDunno." !" said the boy; !" but
he'a run down awful. Ha lust sits around tho
stove Ill day and mopea he hasn't wallopped
mother since Christmas. guess he's going to
de-"
"A bridegroom seldom renders his mother-in-
1sv aneechlesa. but here ia an intezestinR case
A self-posseesed Young man called 1t 4 house in
AtIanta. Ga. few mornings ago. and asked to
aea his wife She is not here" replied the
m;stress of the houso. "There ia mono here but
the members Of mJ own family" "Wen," ho
replied, sits one OF them want to see. mar
ried your eldest daughter last night"
"A man in Cincinnati owned pct panther.
Last week he went of with his wife and family
panther and his mother-in-law to keep, house.
On his return his grief can be imagined on dis
coye1y that it MAS the panther that WAS dead,
not the mother-in-law. Tho old lady had talked
the poor animal to death.
An unfortunate culprit was recently brought
before m Iowa Justice charged with assaulting
and battering maiden. Investigation showed
that the defendant had merely aaluted the dam
Bel against her will. She WAS IN court, and gave
her testimony looking SO very beautifully that
the 1nage 8as compeueo 70 maze epeclal ~ ~
ing. he couid not, 10 ealo, u cone9enee hne
me man 1of aqas VIA "a9 uone eol1 aato
als Honor, ~ nave neen opngeo 70 nola On 70
inc Anna o1 my cnn1 10 Keep 11o'a a171n's tao
eompta1nant nJsen.
- Cincinnati drummer who WITH the ald OF
the l., G. d L. Road, few days since, and who
was too ugly to moVe though the car was crowd
ed, was completely upset when the conductor
quietly took out his foot-rule, and after deib-
nounced, in q loud tone, F" Eighteen and throe
quarter inches T. the great f0af OF laughter all