The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1873-01-08
CLIPS.

This is hew an old German, who hat
not studied English much, told abou
he had a horse stolen:
Won mite, de odder day, ven va
bin awake in my schleep. / hear some
tings vat l thinks vas not yust right il
my parn, and out shumps to bed anC
runs nit de parn out, and ven I val
dere econ, l sees dat ny pig gray
iron mare he vas bin tied loose and
run init der staple Oft; and efer who
vii him pack priug, yust 90 much
pay him as vas bin kushtomery.
The Danbury News man imagines
this tableau: A small, wretched look.
ing house. Outside miserable apol.
ogy for man. crazed by drink, as.
saulting the door, making the air re.
sound with his curses. Inside a thin
pale wsman with wan expression Of
features, pressing one hand tightly
over her heart, and with the other
holding poker in the FIRE.
The night watchman in an Iowa
factory. whose duty it is to ring the
bell at daylight fer the work, being
suddenly aroused at two o'clock in
the morning BY people going home
from party, mistook the moon for
the sun, rang the bell, and soon had
all the workmen on duty five hours
ahead of time.
Jones and Brown we're talking late.
ly of young clergyman whose preach.
ing they had heard that day. "What
do you think of him ?" ~ think he did
mich better two years ago" said Jones.
"Why, be didn't preach then" said
Brown. Jones said, True, that i,
what mean."
Here is a story about remarkable
lunch. The Tzeremisch Tartars have
no particular religion. and have an
odd way of excusing this. They cay
that they once had a religious book
for their guidance, but one day COW
came and ate it.
The first man that parted his hair
in the middle, it is now ascertained,
was boy, and he didn't do it, .but1
his father parted it for him to shame
him out of some girlish,~wavs. He
looked at himself ip the glass and
went away and hanged himself
4 little girl at school read thus;-
"The widow lived on = small limbacy
left her by n relatively" "What do
yea call the word ?" asked the teacher;
the word is legacy not liisbacy," "But
Miss johnson, pa says must say
limb, not leg,"
A young man engaged ID making
himself attractive to a young lady was
taken with violent fit of coughing,
srd brought up two marbles he had
swallowed when q boy. The young
lady dismissed him. She said she
didn't want to marry stone quarry.
"Qo you think it safe, my DEAR
said husband to his wife, for me to
take off flannel when it looks like
spring. !" Perhaps so," replied she,
"but l never saw any flannel that look.
ed like spring"
A Western paper has this delicate
personal item: "Those who know nice
old Mr.. Wilson, of this place, person.
ally. will regret to hear that he was as.
. saulted in brutal manner last week,
ut was not killed.
ough tells of stolid man who
w told that a joke couldn't be
poured into him with a sledge.ham-
mer' asS>d if people ever did pound
}okes into other people with s!edgs-
! want V Know" said q creditor,
herceily, "wheA you are going to pay
me what you owe me ?" "When I'm
going to pay! Why you're a pretty
fellow. Do you take me for proph.
etT"
"This company shall nevel get an
ar cent ofmy money" said al angry
: on railway train. "How will
u travel ?" asked the conductor.
"Pll pay my fare to you"
There are some people that live
without any design at all, and pGss
through the world like straw on a riv.
er-they do not 60 but are carried.
A hypoerite may spin so fair
thread that it may deceive hin own
eyes; he may admire the cobweb and
not know himself to be the spider.
Reason requires culture to expand
II. 1t resembles the fire concealed in
the flint, which only shows itsslf when
struck with the steel.
The reigpipg belle at fashionable
assembly ip Washington lately Great.
ed = sensation by sDeezing her false
teeth out.
Custoro ;s NJ ..,ou s...