The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1873-09-11
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
We observe in the papers an item to
the effect that mother in Maryland bit
of her chld's toe In her sleep. We have
SO often demonstrated with mothers
against the practice Of sleeping with
their ehildren's toes in their mouths,
that we have little sympathy for this
woman. Sooner or later the catastrophe
is sure to come. No woman should
ever sleep with her babes toe in her
mouth, unless she has false teeth which
can be removed, or the toe can be wrap
ped in sheet-iron.
Bon - is well known about Quincy,
Michigan, as a great trader, and one Of
the wealthiest men In the township.
One day he was endeavoring to trade an
old gold watch for a horse, when the
party Of whom he proposed TO get the
weather-gauge asked him how many
carats fine the watch-case was. Bob,
thinking to enhance the value, said he
believed it was seventy-fve. That
can't be, +" replied the man, for twenty
four carats is the standard for gold. +"
"Well, mebbe there amt, said Bob,
I" but the watch has all the carrots they
is I"
TIE GUNA HEN.-The guina hen Il
a spekled kritter, smaller than the
goose and bigger than the wild pigeon.
They hav a keen eye, and a red kokade
on their heds, and alwas walk on the
run. They lay eggs in CRATE prOfushun,
but they lay them so much on the sly
that they often can't find them them
sells. They are az freckled az a coach
dog, and just about az tuff to eat az a
half-biled Arow. They hav voice like
a piccaIlo flute, and for racket two ov
them ken make a saw that il being fled
ashamed of itself. They are a very sly
bird, and the nearer yu git tew them
the further they git oph. They are
more ornamental than useful, but are
chiefly good tew brighten away hawks.
They will see hawk up in the sky
three miles and half OF, and begin at
once tew holler and make fuss about
it.-Josh Billings.
NoDENT.-Mr. Shaw, the NEEDLE of
amateur theatricals, says he saw New
York rough step into a Dutch candy
and beer-shop recently, when this con-
versation took place: 81 say, Johnny,
you son of gun, give us a mug Of
bee-a D'y' hear ?" yah, yah-here
it ish, " answered the Dutchman, briskly
handing up foaming glassful. "Waal,
naow, Civ us mother mug, old Switzer-
case p The Cherry street boy drank
OF the second glass and started to go
ont, when the Dutchman shouted,
{. Here, you pays me de monish What
for you run away ?" "You pays de
monish What do you take me for?
I doan't pay for any thing. I'm peel
er-that's the kind of man I amI'
oYou ish Won tam sneaking, low-lived
scoundrel of thief-that's the kind of
a man I am I" shrieked the Dutchman
between his teeth, as the Cherry street
boy shufled off toward another beer
shop.
WHEN Murphy first bought his farm
in Lancaster county ne was not aware
that all the water on the premises was
strongly impregnated with iron. But
when he drank that chalybeate water
for five or six months his system was so
thoroughly charged with iron that when
he would wake up in the morning he
would find that the bedstead had grad
ually shifted around during the night
until the head POINTED north. And the
children's beds all performed the same
maneuver. Without taking warning by
this occurrence, the family continued to
drink the water until one fatal evening,
Mrs. Murphy had been housekeeping,
and that night she and Murphy and the
children lay down in the same room.
No sooner were they in horizontal
position than all their heads swung
around suddenly to the northern end of
the chamber to where the stove stood,
and the next instant the whole five of
them were drawn violently against the
hot stove, and held there by magnetic
attraction. Murphy suffered worst be-
cause he was bald, but Mrs. Murphy
and the children lost every hair on their
heads, and when the family sold out
and moved away every member of it
was balder than all the other Murphy's
that ever wore a scalp.
WILSON had theory that there was
nothing in the idea that bull would
become enraged at the sight of a red
rag, but he firmly believed that the
widest kind of animal could be fright
ened by opening an umbrella in their
faces He determined to prove the
truth of this doctrine when he was at
Darby the other day, and selecting a
red flannel shirt and an umbrella, he
climbed over into field and advanced,
waving the shir t at the the bull. Since
then Wilson has said that he had no
idea bull could run at the rate of a
mile minute, but anyhow this one did
not consume much time in approaching
Wilson, and he consequently dropped
the shirt and tried to raise hisumbrella.
Somehow the catch wouldn't work, and
~ bhe JUL was hot aware u TUG HIVES
sity for the delay, it became uncom-
monty sociable on the spot, and the
next moment Mr.. Wilson was perform
ing fantasy ON two horns, at the end
of which he lit on the other side of the
fence, firmly convinced that an earth
quake or some other extraordinary t.
ural convulsion had just occurred. He
is a convert now, and he carries a gun
in place of an umbrella when he goes
out to skirmish with bulls.
AS it was in the Beginning"
When was little baby, gals would