The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1873-06-07
Humorous Items.

pecially are dewing well.
PHILADELPHIA cannot boast of a SIN
gle sensational preacher Her ways
are ways of pleasantness and all her
paths are peace.
A CLERGYMAN lately said that the
modern young ladies were not the
daughters of Shem and Ham, but of
hem and sham.
On a recent Sunday morning at Liv-
erpool a clergyman In one of the
churches during the services was quite
at sea and the congregation were over
bored
We notice that the agricultural ed
itor" of an exchange advises his
readers to ''plant peas in the new of
| the moon" We advise our readers to
plant theirs In the ground.
DIGNIFIED Clerk" Are you going
to marry yourself ~ Facetious Pat
lander" Arrah, now, whin did you
ever hear tell of gintie man marrying
himself? Shure there's a lady goin' to
be married along wild me !"
A DUBUQUE clerk being asked to
9 send home " spool of cotton for
lady purchaser, hired an express wagon
for the purpose and deposited the
spool IN the hall of the lady's house.
Mr.. BEEcHER compares "a large por-
ton of the Sunday School literature of
the day to the ''locusts, lice and frogs
of Egypt - and still more energetically
alludes to it as g the swiIl OF the house
of God"
| A SECOND STREET merchant upbraided
jim, his colored porter, the other day,
for his lazlness and disposition to sit
down too often. "Well, [ tell you
what boss" said Jim, de trufe Is, |
was born tired, ana can't help it."
TEACHER-John, you young scape-
grace, come here and I'll pay you back
for your impudence to me yesterday.
Pupil-No, thank you. | have con-
sclentlous scruples against taking back
pay of that sort.
A DANBURY man who has been mar
ried thirty-five years, says there is
more power for evil i'll a small rag car
pet that has been down SIX months,
than there is III twelve -barrelled tank
OF whiskey.
AN eccentric old fellow, who lives
alongside of Il graveyard, was asked If
1t was not an unpleasant location
mo, said he, Il never lined places
IN all my life with a set of nelghbors
that minded their business SO stiddy
as they do"
AT a meeting of a parish, 2 straight
faced and most exemplary deacon sub
mltted a report, in writing, of the
destitute widows and others who stood
in need of assistance from the parish
Are you sure, deacon, that you have
embraced all the widows ~ He said
he believed he had.
PA said little seven year-old
fellow, 81 guess our man Ralph is a
good Christian"
:" How SO, my boy" queried the pa
rent
"Why, pa, read i'll the Bible that
the wicked shall not live out half his
ever since he was little boy
THE experiment recently made in
Ohio of placing women at the head of
all The schools, is pronounced de-
cldcd success. The instruction and
discipline have been as good as form.
erly, there have been fewer difficulties
| between teachers and pupils. and lever
complaints have been made by parents
against teachers.
A FRENCHMAN appeared at the count
ing room of the Nashua Iron and Steel
/ Company, on Thursday, and in the
most excitable manner demanded his
| pay. "1ze worked good vile in an
nOder blaze und had no drouble," said
the Frenchman. q works here dhree
week and ] lose dwo fingers und der
dhumb. | dakes mine bay dam quick !"
I A TABrowN CHAP, whose adorable
backed out after the minister got to
the house, not being of the chicken
hearted kind, calmly turned to the as
sembled ladies, and said, eff there's
another girl here that II occupy this
vacant situation, I'm her'n;' where
upon the sister of the false-hearted one
exclaimed, g Count me in, / aren't
afraid, and the ceremony was per
formed, to the delight of all parties
The latest story of brave though
child like form, faithful at the post of
duty, comes from Ohio. He was the
son of a village reporter, and having
discovered a broken rail on the road
Just out of town, sat for five hours on q
fence near by waiting for the train, so
that he might carry the particulars of
the accident to his father Such de-
votlon to the paternal interest is very
affecting.
con, that this too, too solid flesh
would MELT sighed Jones the other
morning, as he wrestled with his beef
steak; ''thaw, and resolve itself into a
dew" g And SO it might, Mr. JONES'"
snapped Mrs. Cloggers, elf there was
not so much due from some of my
boarders whom | might name" Jones
did not reply, but continued to rumi-
nate upon the stale, flat, and unprofit-
able uses of this world
RATHER AwKwARD-(Scene Drawing
Room Well, and how's the Beauty,
Mrs. Jessamy2 As lovely as ever5''
80, lovelier, If possible, Mr.. Polking-
ton She's just been short-coated,
poor darling, and" Just-been-
short-coated, Mrs Jessamy
g Yes, of course My baby You mean.
don't yOu2" "O-er-no Ill
mean your opposite eighbor-Miss
Belslze ,'-Punch.
THIS Is what Virginia City newspa-
per says of one departed:
Aye, tenderly close his eyelds.
In the sleep of the tyrant death.
Composing his cold limbs SADLY
with tears and bated breath
The clouds may above him harden
With the turf, or the chilling snow
On, bury your dog IN the garden,