Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-10-31
HUMOR.

QuIrs JUST. Doctor was the presi-
dent of Southern college, who professed to
be very grammatical in the use Of bis Ian
guage, and therefore expected his pupils to
be likewise. Playing cards was strictly for
hidden on the school premises but As is
always the case, this law was often violated
by the students without their being detect
cd. A number Of freshmen collected TO-
pether in one Of their numbers room and
we're enjoying good game Of euchrs when
knock was heard at the door.
"Whos there ?" one exclaimed.
ssMsp' was the laoonic reply.
"Who'e met"
"Profe0sor F.''
ssYou lie +! Ha, ha. ha! Professor F.
wouldn't say me- He'd say u IS l, 'irf"
The old professor turned his back and
went on, knowing that they had him thcre
How They TRLEGRApH.-"Sam," said
darkey to his ebony brother, show am it
dat dis yaa telegraf csrries de news froo dem
wires ~ "Well. Caesar, row s'pose dar
am dog free miles long" "Nebber was
such big dog don't b'lieb dat" "You
jess wait mint; Pse only illustratin, you
stupid nigga Now, dis yaa dog. you see.
jess puts his front feet on de Hoboken sho."
"Yesser." Hell bark, won't be p Yes
SER" CHOW, spose you walks on dis yaa
dogs tail in New York" 'Yesser." Hell
bark, won't he % "Yesser" ''Well, where
will dat dog bark ?" SIN Hoboken, | cal
culate. HDat am jess it You walk Oh
de dogs tail in New York, an he bark in
Hoboken an OATS de way de telegraf
works" ssYesser. jasso, jasso! Yous e
right, by golly."
An Iowa paper makes the discovery that
the women are taking an active part IN pol
itics, and says one Julia Garretson is
knocking the socks off, the grange orators
in Iowa An exchange asks whether the
gentle Julia would not be better employed
darning the socks, instead OF knocking them
off anybody.
ssWife, what has become of the grapes? =
II SUPPOSE, my dear, the hens picked Thorn
off, was the bland reply. ''Hens-hens
some two.legged hens. guess" said the
husband with some impatuosty to which
she calmly replied, my dear. did you ever
see any other kind 70
A Kentucky paper says: IA homely old
widow, over on Clacksnake Run. aus up
five thousand dollars III gold the other day,
and,now twenty-one young men sit on her
door step at sundown, and compare her
physiognomy to the beautiful face Of an
angel"
A romping four.year-old boy had been
denied some triding qualification BY bis
mother, but it did not seem 80 triaing to
him as to her, as he said with the utmost
gravity. Mother, were you over a boy "
It is related tbs. an Irishman once visit
ed New Hampshire, and after having IN
spected the numerous hills and mountain
ranges. exclaimed: B,dad I never was
was in country before where they had 80
much land that they had to stack it.
A gentleman whose house ives under re-
pair, went out ons day to see how the work
progressed, and observing quantity Of
nails lying about, he said to the carpenters,
..Why don't you take care Of these nails !
They'l. certainly be LOST mo-" replied
the carpenter, you'll End them ia the bill
A man lately learned what it was to have
insult added to injury, in being first scared
out Of his wits by his horses running away
with him, and then arrested and fined for
driving at an illegal rate Of speed.
..Jury," said Western judge, 'you kin
20 out and find verdict. If you can't find
one of your own, get the one the last jury
used" The jury returned verdict OF sui
eide in the ninth degree.
A young man who Was attending night
writing school was smitten by the charms of
LADY present, and at the close OF the ehool
pressed forward and asked il he might es-
cort her home Yes" sal she. If you
will carry my little boy" He is gradually
recovering from the sherk.
A little girl who had great k'odoer- "f
heart for all the animal creation. saw hen
preparing to gather her chickene unde' her
sheltering wings, and SHOUTED earnestly.
..Oh don't sit down on those beautiful liz.
tie birds, you great ugly old rooster ?"
:.Woman's work ia twenty years is the
title Of a leader in an exchange paper We
did uotread il, but it means, Of course. re-
curing a husband.
A very cheerful looking man in Dubuque,
Iowa, is pointed out q, a person who mar
rowly escaped marriage with Susan 4. An,
thony.
The editor of the Elmira IN. - Gazette
went to California to recover his health, and
came home so fat that he has to sit on the
sidewalk to write his editorial.
A lady reporter sent to an agricultural
fair. wrote of lot Of young pigs, ''They
look too sweet to live minute.
"Why do you use paint p asked violin
list Of his daughter ''For the same reason
that you use rosin, papa .How's that Z
why, to help me draw my beau! J"
A mans dearest object should be his wife
but sometimes it is bis wife's wardrobe.
Jones got trusted for that hat. and now
he feels consciousness of being in debt
..oyer head and ears"
A drunken man 10 Toledo Jail wrote on
the wall of his cell, jug not, least ye be
also jugged.'
Why do people talk about the idf>svind !!
1t is almost always active, and like tne
xtn.sscs k.u,ys vvhlsiiss n Il works.