Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-07
BERIAH CRANE AND THE KICK
ING COW.

The Widow Crane, sprightly DAME
BY patient toll at length became
The owuer of little farm,
Which she pronounced a perfect charm.
The farm was rough, the house was plain,
But busy hands and busy brain
Produced enough to well sustain
The widow and her children twain.
Beriah Crane, the widows son,
An awkward mbber, full of fun,
Uncouth in person. tail and spare,
With freckled face and sandy hair,
Had reached his teens and just begun
To be with wisdom overrun-
No wondrous feat beneath the sun
But he could see jest how twas DONE"
Beriah's sister, Hubby Ann.
lass of ten, who ready ran
To aid her brother in each plan,
Considered him more skifful than
The best expert. or artisan,
And often said mo living man,
Exceptin' marin and Uncle Dan
Can do such feats as Beriah can"
The widow owned a splendid COW.
Her enyious neighbors all allow,
Whose lofty head and lustrous eye
Attracted every passer by.
The cow was large, of perfect mould
An extra milker-fve Years old
And yet she had vicious trick
tendency, when milked, to kick.
Berah said .There amt no use
For her to act so like the deuce.
She's just the meanest kickin jade
OF any COW that ever's made.
She's smashed more pals than she's worth dimes
She's spoilt my vest of yaller silk,
And split barn-yard full OF milk.
I've coaxed, an .jawed, am yelled an licked
The more I've done, the more she's kicked"
So now he says to Hubby Ann. s
Pm going to try another plan.
1t amt no use to coax cuss;
That only makes her ten times wuss.
But Pve Matched out a new idee,
And now I'll risk her kicking me.
I've found strap in that old box.
That's stout enough to hang an OK;
I'll tie one end to her hind foot,
Then brace my foot right out in front,
An can hold an elefunt
Ill get that rope up stairs for YOU
To hold the other hind leg, too.
Now don't let marin suspect the plot,
For she'll oppose it, like as not
She thinks The COW don't mean to hurt,
And says that Pm too cross and pert
If would be more mild ard slick,
She'd love me so she wouldn't kick
But wimmin hain't the spunk you see
To face COW right up like me-"
The cow, as day began to wane,
Came slowly grazing up the lane;
So Hubby put her in the yard
And firmly closed the wooden guard.
Beriah jumps and gaily claps,
And says, Bring on the pail and straps
I'll move this earth to Texas now,
But what I'll break that blasted COW !"
He takes s: the pail, the strap, the rope,
Across the yard he softly steals
With Hubby tripping at his heels,
10 where the cow with half shut eyes
Slow ruminates and brushes flies
But soon the COW her foe espies
And lifts her head IN wild surprise.
Berah says, ''Eow snort and snuff!
You've kicked me over times enough
An 'twont be long before you'll see
You amt quite smart enough for me.
There, Hubby, now, as true's you're born,
You ought to get some ears of corn,
And let the pesky critter eat
While Pm tacklin' up her feet"
She scampers off and soon appears
Her apron filled with yellow ears
And while the cow eats from her lap,
Beriah adjusts the rope and strap.
By soothing words and tempting food,
And frequent pats in gentlest mood,
The restive cow is pacfed
I'LL every knot is firmly tied.
"All ready, Hubby yw says Berah,
Now git your place, an then I'll try her;
Draw up your rope as tights drum,
And when she kicks Wen give her some"
moment now with muscles tense,
Beriah milks III keen suspense,
While Hubby stands with rigid form
And patient waits the coming storm.
The COW, alarmed by lightning bands.
BBesaf Bsdanng nnt taff alf Berfahs Baf plot, % saNf
She dashes wildly from the spot;
Around the yard she madly wheels,
Berah dragging at her heels,
While Huldy, nearly wild with fright
Still grasps the rope with all her might.
Beriah yells, and hollers, $50 p
Which only makes her faster go.
Poor Hubby trips and drops her rope,
And thus expires her only hope,
AS now she hears Beriah shout,
"OH DEAR she'll tear my gizzard out ~
Across the yard, beneath the shed
On, on, he flew in terror dread
At last he clutched the water-trough,
And while he chung his boot drew off,
Away the COW now madly tore
And left Beriah free once more.
Awhile he lay there in a huff,
Besmeared with dirt and other stuff
While Hubby strove to help his case,
And with her apron washed his face.
At length he rose with dizzy head
A swollen nose and "peepers" red,
And turning to his sister, said,
81 thought my soul she'd kill me dead.
Pm heapng full of dirt and chaff- y
wish she'd died sucking calf
This tying legs don't hardly pay
guess I'll try my mothers way"