Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-02-05
ther went the bigger and tighter
got, aud by the time I reached home
I was about as large as q -four barrel


I was about as large as -four barrel
and about as hard. I began to feel
considerably uneasy, fearing l had
rather ovtrdohe tho joke. On reach
home mamma met me at the door. On
seeing me she shricked and fell back
on recovering says, "Philsndcr, my
son Philander, Whist on earth is the
matter?"
"Uh ,nammi, sick; collie, collie, dead
with collie" On to the bed fell, and
after the doctor somebody went. In
Z few minutes he was by my bedsides
The first thing nc said was that he
would have TO "nosticate" Il believe
that was the word) INV case, which
he proceeded to do as follows: He
asked Re to spoke out my tongue, }"
which did. He remarked, ''it is con-
siderably coated" He then laid his
hand on my forehead and said "hc
has so,no fever" lie took me by the
wrist and took out his watch, and
after holding my wrist and looking
at the watch awhile said, "his pulse is
rather quick" ~
All the time lay fiat on my back
and you ought to have seen how high
I bumped the bed cover up. Had
.hcrc boon a barrel in the bed it
would not have raised the cover high
err. don't know whether the doctor
knew what allied me or not, but he
asked ne hat l had been eating. Itold
him "nothing more than common" T"
lie told mamma he would"liave to de-
plete," Il think that is What he called
i) Inc, which he proceeded 10 do. He
may be good doctor, but did you
ever know q man 10 take all emctic
aud cathartIc both at the same time!
Here 10 tho way he depleted me.
He put three drops Of something ou,
of very small vial labelled "Oieun'
TTglii," and said l must take it.
"Why, DOCTOR" said /, "three drops
Of medicine will do no good; give me
half a tumbler FULL" lie replied tina,
the medicine lie was about TO admin
lister was zone of the most powerful
cathartics," which l soon found TO be
so. | have since looked in the niedi.
cal books and lind that "Oleum Zig
lii' is the technical name" for Gro
ton oil. took it down and waited s
iittlc while, when lie mixcd up abou,
u fourth Of y tumbier of yelloWisl
powder in u tumbler full of warn
water. Tins lie said WAS Ian cnictic
(I AIN sure that is what he suid), AN,
called II something like jp-e-cuc-"-dH
ha-that, l believe, is the word.
took that down too. lie then tool
out some things that looked lik'
worms, W nich he called "leeches," ant
stuck ono behind each OF my ears ans
bne over each eye, and 10 sooner dit
them lecches' touch the skin than the,
took right hold and went to sucking
the blood out OF me like they wer
half starved, and they hadn't been o
five minutes until every one was u
large as your finger and fully as long
About this time everything began t
have "thc desired effect" drie
apples began to fly i'll ever
direction. The "cathartic" con
Iueuced TO do its work-then til
"cmetic," first one, then the other, an
sometimes both. Twas first out {
i the bee, then ih; then hanging half o
the bed. TO stop. the Y'Ipecacunnha
would stand :up, then 'Oicum ii.
lii" would begin. 10 check it l woul
" stand OH my head, then "emel.c
- would 80 to work. l felt asi l ha
u rope tied around my neck and al
j. other around my feet and a yoke (
oxen hitched 10 both ,puiling i'll opp
: site directions {tryiug to pull mc tw
=" | felt as if wss coming Ill halves, b'
=. ju,t the place would separate l Iii
!. not know. l Tried hanging myse
- across the back vfa char with bol
=" ends down, but that was no 20, ii
= both "elnetic' and "cathartic" Ct
u loose, and drisd'apples just flew he
" aud there, and you ought to ha'
'" seen mann and the doctor u dodSii
" ~, dried apples. l next tried lying {
~ y. my back and holding both ends IL
That wouldn't do either. dried 4
pies still flying all around. A
; this time was.
;. 'Growins small by degrees
- Aud beautifully lcss.''
y, In my evolu,ions struck my he
~ several times against tho floor al
other things, and "bustcu" three
- nv lecches, and the blood, was |