Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-01-25
GENERAL ITEMS

mrn,xcr LAT1.Srrc) medium
The ocean cable.
A MoRE-BID CRAvINd-Ihat OF the auc-
tioneer.
Oyr trembIes for the Republic when he
looks at its girls.
INDIGESTION is charged by God with
enforcing morality on the stomach.
PEOPLE who sell hay do business on
s'large SCALE"
Ir is not considered civil to ask milk
man for piece Of chalk.
CAN anything that is baleful be bless
ing? Yes baleful of cotton.
IT Is strange that SC much coal should
be found when it is constantly sought I'm
vein."
WHY is a prima donna like jeweler!
Because she may be called dealer III
precious (s)tones.
MEN. for the present occasion-Ine
man who prolongs his new ears Is apt 10
make an ass of himself.
Why is captain haranguing his
crew like an upholster? Because he's
deckoratOr.
Provisions are so scarce in Corea that
the natives willingly pay two young wo-
THE most important interest for the
maintenance of our Union-Agree-cul-
ture.
An exchange sentimentally observes
that " Flowers are the alphabet Of the an
gels" Perhaps because they be seedy.
WHY is law like sieve? Although
you can see through it, you must be
greatly reduced before you can get
through it.
AN Indiana paterfamilias whose spouse
has filled his culver with twelve sons and
fifteen daughters, wishes to know If that
isn't sufficient cause for divorce.
THE conspiracy between the OIL Produ
GERS Council and the Refiners' Associa
ton to increase the price OF petroleum il
thing not to be made light of by con
sumers.
'DIscoNTENTED WIFE. Whether yOr
can safely sweeten your husbands cOffe'
with sugar of lead will depend goot
deal on the intimacy of your acquaintanc,
with the attending physician.
THE German lower house generously
proposes to furnish workmen who strike
and thus throw themselves out of employ
mcnt, with fortnight's gratllitOus bOarC
and lodging in prison.
A WORTHY clergyman of Brooklyn re
marks that the devil roves freely, even il
the churches. Under such circumstances
his Satanic Majesty may be said to be imp
rowing.
WHY is Central Asia at present lik,
spring among the hens and Christmas II
New York? Because it is In its Staying
sleighing. and its laying time. It's snow
Use to seek for any other answer.
AN editor, abiding to fresh batch o
lamp explosions in his neighborhood
speaks of kerosene as the . hydra of tn
household" He has probably hear
some chemist say that it's a hydra-carbon
THE Pail Mall Gazette Gays that
would not be surprised If the Who'll
amount of the Alabama damages, with
little something extra, should come bac
to England as free gift from America 3
relieve the distress i'm the agricultural dis
tIicts of the mother country.
A CHICAGO debating society has dec
ded that none but "natural BORN cit
zens should hold office or vote in Amer
ca. Whether this is intended still turtle
to lessen the importance of matrimony, o
to sanction the present custom of electin
"born naturals" to Office, we are not il
formed.
TIE lesson of the late fires seems to b
that the only really incOmbcstible mate
rails i'm the world are those of which al
made the friction-matches which one fine
In hotels. 1t is to be wished that tn
hint may lead our architects to make et
iices on the same block something MOI
like a match.