Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-07-12
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.


my caws J"
A POOR wag of topper claims that he
belongs to the nobility. .QT y
The future Regulators" of society
Boys and their mothers. H ....
NEVER nod to an auctioneer unless you
wish either to buy or be sold.
COMPLIMENTARY mention of prolific
hens should take the form of lays.
YOUNG men should practice riding
calves before they try the veal-ocipede.
A FOWL farmer must find his business
pleasant-it is the source Of such eggs-t-
see.
A WIFE should be like roast lamb, ten
der, sweet, and nicely dressed, with
plenty of fixings but without any sauce.
A DRAWING ROOM car is good place for
man to get married in, for there he can
become familiar with the sound of the
rail. .-.stsB 81
1T Is sad, but true, that the initials of
Sons of Temperance spell "sot," and that
those of the Independent Order of Good
Templars stand for 81 once got Tight"
SOME one says SIT is better to carve
your name on hearts than on narble.n
Married men, however, should be careful
upon whose hearts they carve.
AN exchange remarks that it is one of
the pecnliarities of the boy, that he finds
himself unable to battle, except, so to
speak, at the top of his lungs.
A SENSITIVE San Francisco belle habit
ually carries whalebone switch TO whale
beauin' young gentlemen, and they
say only heightens the previous switch
cry of her manner.
A PHILADELPHIA mantuamaker impru-
IDENTIFY announces that she makes her
dresses fireproof, not realizing that her
customers wish toilettes to attract rather
than to repel their flames.
RHODE ISLAND proposes to inclose Ro-
ger Williams Park with q high picket
fence, to prevent near-sighted travellers
from accidentally stepping on it while
crossing the State.
RESIDENTS of Waterbury, Conn.,, COM
plain of the unfairness of stopping the
long-established custom of public bathing
in the city reservoir, just because few
monopOlists wish to breed fish in it.
LOVERS of claret and Burgundy will be
pleased to learn on the authority of an
eminent French chemist, that red wines
nowadays are commonly cOlored with
rosaniline, which contains arsenic enough
to cause symptoms of poisoning If 1t be
taken in frequent doses. il'" %
UNLESS you give me aid," said beggar
to benevolent lady, " am afraid shall
have to resort to something which I great
ly dislike to do" The Lady handed him
dollar, and compassionately asked,
what is it, poor man, that have saved
you from ~ Work." was the mournful
answer.
A SMART boy, having been required to
write composition on some part OF the
human body, expanded as follows: 1.-The
Throat-A throat is convenient to have,
especially for. ROSTERS and ministers.
The former eats corn and crows with it !;
the latter breaches through his'n and
ties it up"
A CLASS in Journalism, commencing
with the present term. has been organized
in the Iowa Wesleyan University. 1t adj
mits the best writers in the advanced
classes, who may wish to give themselves
to editorial writing. The class, it is said.
has begun its work with a good deal of
enthusiasm. 81 g
REMEMBER that a raw egg will clear
your throat of fishbones. Put one in a
little hot wine, add some sugar, and the
fishbnnes will slip down all the easier.
sugar. anyhow. They're good as pre-
ventive; and you don't know what mo-
ment you may get fish bone in your
throat.
"ARRAH, Pat, and why did marry We?
Jist tell me that; for it's meself that's had
to maintain We liver since the blissed day
that Father O'Flanigan STINT me hum to
yer house." ''Swate jewei," replied Pat,
not relishing the charge, 'an' it's meseh
that hopes | may live to see the day you're
widow waping over the cowh sod that
kivers me-.-thin, by St. Patrick, I'll see
how We get along without me-"
"THAT's where the boys fit for college"
said the professor to Mrs. Darlington,
pointing to a school-house. ''Did they?"
said the old lady, with animation. "Then
if they fit for the college before they went,
they didn't fight afterward?''l EYES,"
said he, smiling and favoring the conceit,
''but the fight was with the head, not with
thehands." "Butted, did they?" said the
old lady. tft -ti'f' -
A GENTLEMAN, whose morning dram
had been a little too much for him, In sad
ding his horse got the saddle wrong end
foremost. Just as he was about to mount,
German friend came up and called his
attention to the mistake. The horseman
gazed for momentat the intruder. as If in
deep thought, and then said: ''You let
that saddle alone. How do you know
which way am going?" And the gen.
tleman from Germany passed on. -. 90
UNCLE SAM is the greatest publisher in
the country; and Congress the most vol
luminous author. 1t is estimated that the
Government printing Office turns out
more matter than Appleton, Harper, Lip.
pincott and Peterson put together. Dur.
ing 1872 no less than $S93,1S 81 worth
of resolutions, reports and other docu-
ments were printed under AUTHORIZE
ton of Congress; that brilliant periodi-
cal, the Globe, was issued at an ex-
pense OF $246,555 80; while the execu-
tive and judicial departments printing
was done to the amount OF 81 ,036, 207 OF.
And, to cap all, it was Uncle Sam himself
who paid for the distribution of this enor-
nous mountain of stuff through its null
titudinous channels to the dealers In paper
stock.-An,. Bibliopolist. o3., g 20
Paper In the Boston Fire.
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