The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-10-29
SCRAPS.

SCRAPS.
4 man is like a potato-nevel
anre when he will get into not wa
ter"
A dandy on shore is disgusting tc
many people, but a swell OF the sea
sickens everybody.
"a grcen-grocer advertlses "Ham r,
and cigars, smoked and unsmokeo' l.
for SALE"
Strange, vet true: the mouths OF
rivers are always larger than their
heads"
A lady was dreadfully insulted
because q gentleman accosted her
as an old acquaintance.
Much is said in these days of wo-
mans sphere. Is it not true that mat
her principal fear is, that she Will
not get married!
.Tbere now" exclaimed little
oirl. while rummaging a drawer in
fhe bureau, "grandpa has gone to
heaven without his spectacle"
The greatest magicians of the
are are the paper-makers; they
transform the beggar'sgrags into
sheets for editors to lie on.
"Jenny," said a Scotch minister,
STOPPING from his pulpit, "have ye
cot a pin about ye? Eyes, minis
ter" Then stick it into that brute
O. a man O. yours by yourside.'
Awag one evening pulled down
4 turner's sign and put it over a a
LAWYERS door; in the morning 1t
read, Call sorts of turning and
twisting done here"
Why should excursionists be es-
nec;aliy careful in the presence OF
the police? Because, when hand
cuffs are produced. they are invarl-
ably slipped on tho tho 'erlsts'
A correspondent entered an cfhce
and accused the compositor of not
having punctuated his communlca-
tion. When the typo earnestly re-
piled: I'm not a pointer, I'm a
setter"
< It has been remarked that ladies
have generally a great fear OF light
ming, and this has been superficial
" asoribedto their natural timldity;
Int the great truth is, that it arises
from their consciousness of being
attractive.
A fop, just returned from a Con-
tinental tour, was asked how he
liked the ruins of Pempeii. "Not
very well," was the reply; "tbey
are so dreadfully out of repair"
"Yeu've destroyed my peace of
mind, Betsy" said a despalrin,g
lover to a&ruant lass. ''lt can't do
much harm, John, for it was an
amazing small piece you had, any
ways
"JYho is your favorite preacher p
asked man of another. ''Why,'
sa;d he. 81 like to hear Mr.. -
preach best, forI don't like preach.
Inc anyhow, and his comes nearest
to nothing of any that l have
heard"
uHow came such a greasy mess
in the oven?" said lady to her
maid -of.all-work. "Whv," replied
the pirl. "the candles fell into the
as6.tub, and I put them in the
oven to dry"
"What do you mean, you little
rascal ?'' exclaimed an individual to
an impudent youth who had seized
him by the nose upon the street.
"OA, nothing; only I am going to
seek my fortune, and father told
me to be sure and seize hold of the
first tbing that turned up"
-. 3Come back, sir, that's not the
right road" said Lord Eglinton to
q Scotch trespasser on his park:
..Do We ken whaur I'm gaun!" said
the ofFepder. NO." replied his
eaordship. *Weel, hoo the dell do
ye ken whether this be the riclt
road or no."
Patrick asked q poulterer the
nrice of a pair of fowls. "Two
dollars. sir. "'"In my dear country,
NV darling, you might buy them
Sor s;xnence u pace" "Then why
didn't you stay in your dear coun'
try then21 %Case we have no six
pences. my jewell" said Pat'
Once, when Beau Hickman was
dowu. writes q correspondent, and
really starving, l gave him dollar
md seeing me about to buy a cigar,
Ire stepped up and said :-'Allow
s,ne, SIP, to serve you" ann, taking
nr, two twenty-five cent cigass, he
nreseptedr the one and took the
other-actualIy paying half of IL the
dollar I had just given hlm Tor the
,.;rars ..Beau," said, "you are