The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-12-08
THE PRESS,
MONDAY MORNING, DEC. 9. 1878
Gossip and Gleanings.

MVNDA1 MOkNlNG, DEL. Ss 1878
Gossip and Gleanings.
A pathetic Indiana butcher craped his
knob for dead bull dog.
Ashes on the sidewalk are not put there to
sit down on,
An appropriate text to post in front of our
churches these days--''Let him that standeth
take heed lest he fall
A turkey being baked at Cincinnati ho-
tel exploded, the other day, and scalded the
cooks face so that he will be ugly for life.
An exchange remarks that wood will last
much longer if left for woman to saw and
split.
PLEASE don't shoot the cows is a sign
on farmers fence near Chicago, intended
for city sportsmen who go out after prairie
chickens.
The widows of Capt. Jack. recently de-
ceased, have laid aside their garb of mourn
ing and arrayed themselves in red and orange
flannel and number cavalry boots.
A private In the army recently sent letter
to his sweetheart, closing with '.May Heaven
cherish and keep you from yours truly, John
Smith,"
Referring to the present crisis, the New
Orleans Times gives the following good ad .
vice to parents: Husband your resources,
and, if possible, your daughters, also."
A Chicago man wrote to Agassiz that he
had an apple which he had preserved for ff-
ty-three years, and when Agassiz wrote for
1t the joker said it was the apple Of his eye.
A young lady named Fry, at Logansport,
was rescued from drowning the other day,
and she sent the young man four quarts of
butternuts as token of appreciation.
A New York chiropodist announces in his
advertising cards that he has removed corns
from several of the crowned heads of Europe
A singular feat.
The following is the latest as g sample for
an invitation to wedding: "Mattoon, ILL.,,
nov the IS 1873 Mr. Frank Kirns invited to
my Weden thursday night o'clock Mr. dow
Smith to Miss mary mitchell"
La Crosse man who committed suicide
wrote note.to his wife, which said: .Tm
going to country where red-headed women
are never seen." She was so mad she would
not attend the funeral.
TheJ found man in the San Francisco
City prison the other day who wanted to get
out. Both the officers and the inmates were
unanimous in sympathizilg with that lauda-
BILE desire when they found he had the small
pOx.
1t is not what people eat, but what they di-
gest, that makes them strong It is not what
they gain, but what they save, that makes
them rich 1t is not what they read, but what
they remember, that makes them learned.
1t is not what they profess, but what they
practice, that makes them righteous.
As the poet says:
''The good die first:
And they whose hearts are dry as Summer dust
Burn to the socket"
In proof whereof the Chief of Police of
Memphis says that of nearly two hundred
"roughs," J" of whom he had list, all but three
survived the epidemic.
A portly gentleman crowded himself into a
seat in horsecar, next to young man who
remarked, "You wouldn't be so anxious to
have that seat if you knew that 1 had Just
gotten over the smallpox" That's nothing
was the reply ''this is the first time that I
have been out since having it myself" The
young man started for the font platform.
,Monday-Washing-day. Cant be bother
ed with n.eals.)
Tuesday-My own washing to ne done.
Wednesday-Sweeping-day. (The gentle
men must take their meals down town.
Thursday-Afternoon and evening out.
Friday-Evening call from ssTim.''
Saturday-Baking-day "a cold lunch must
do for the family.)
Sunday-Church in the morning. IAN ear
ly breakfast. )-Biddy's Diary.
Jones was unfortunate the other day. He
wanted to find out where certain gentle
man resided and he applied to a stranger
standing by for information. The latter,
falling to catch the name. requested him to
repeat it. So Jones, with considerable en-
phasis, repeated, ''Hogg" Thereat the
stranger waxed wroth, and without offering
an explanation Immediately knocked our
hero down, expressing as he hid so decided
antpathy to opprobrious epithets.