Smyrna times., 1873-05-28
A Legend Of a Baggage-Smasher.

/ knew him. 1t was years ago. His name
was-well call it Bumps. If you ever get into
railroad struggle, where one endeavors to get
another Oft the track, you will know more
about Bumps, or your friends will. This
Bumps was nice young man. His hair was
always cOmbed low down; he wore brass but
TONS and there was a mysterious report cur
rent that he had been known to call on the
sherry for three on the Fourth Of July, and ac-
tually paid for it-paid for it sir! We held him
in awe, we boys did. He could talk about lever
watches, pointer dogs, steam barges; and he
could relate incidents of difficulties in prize
rings SO beautifully that | used to wish to
knock some one in the stomach and break some
ambitious Englishman 5 jawbone.
1t Bumps said anything, the whole town
swore it was so. If he didn t say anything, we
stood back and waited for developments.
At last he went away. His uncle used his
influence to get him position as baggage-mas.
ter. | never heard of him for years, but was
called one day to see him die. | went with
great pleasure. Bumps was a mere skeleton :;
his eyes were like saucers; his hair was all worn
off from turning round so in bed. He told me
all about it. He drove everybody out of the
room, bade me string up my nerves to hear a
mournful tale, and then he commenced. He
went to the railroad pure young man. He
) took charge of trunks and boxes, and COM
menced by lifting them by the handles and set
ting them down carefully.
He had not served month when the presi-
dent of the road called into his office, cut down
his salary, and told him if there were any
I more complaints from the conductor, Bumps
would be jumped out Of berth. Then the
a young man grew cold and stern. He wa
: bound to suit the railroad or die. He began b!
y walking up to poor old chest belonging to al
/. orphan and putting his foot through the corner
J; The conductor saw the act The two shook
Il hands, and wept for hours on each others
IS breast. Bumps had made two trips before ht
h could sling a satchel eleven rods, retainni
l. both handles in his grasp. Innocent owners Q
10 such threatened him and commenced suit
against him, and swOre they would never rid
/, on the road again. But Bumps was frm-h
ID was digni6ed-he was soleDn-he was workin
a for a higher sphere-he was treading the pat
t.. Of duty.
IN When gentle females would hang up the
or tender little baskets and satchels BumE
would smile diabolical smile, and get in
no corner and Jump on the articles and toss the
IN up and kick them and fling them throug
Il ethereal space. And when the train stopped
be he would throw out a waterfall and tOOtl
brush in answer to a call for check ''22" Hu
i bands would strike at hun, and dare him out
:. ~ his den and call him base fend but BUM
- was solemn. He knew his line of busines
70 no When he got hold Of a nice trunk he woul
s. carry a countenance like a strawberry for jo
:; fulness He would jerk off one handle, tht
- another, then kick in the ends, then take an a.
~ and smash the lock, and then let the shirts al
things rattle out on the track
IN 1t got so at last that the people actually pa
,ct high prices for the privilege of living along Il
we line of that road, as they got their shirts t
,Cyc nothing All that was needed was to have t
IN IN children 70 low up Bumps train.
,ur But there came black day. A niserat
ie' contemplate, sneaking wretch, who owned
ne sawmill, went travelling. He run his factori
g two weeks on nothing but trunk stuff, and
,ht made the Wickedest trunk that ever went in
ial a car. 1t was seven feet thick all around, a
of there was sixteen rails driven in, one on top
ng the other until the thing was clear proof Th
he gave it into Bumps hands, charging him
Ire be very careful if he pleased u The ira
started. Bumps got the axe as usual and stru
at the lid; but the axe bounded back.
lev struck once more; the axe flew to pieces. Th
ro. he got crowbar and a can of powder; but
'r;t couldn't burst a rail- He swore, and Jump
we he'd never been born. He got all the tr;
MD men in. They all pounded; but the trunk h,
,us firm. 1t went through all right. 1t W
banded down without jam, and the owl
;.h was there to say THANK you, sir" and
,Sd ,nd pretended he was going back again, and h
'oO a"o the trunk put board once more.
III Bumps grew pale. He grew sick His Il
on; .on, shook He had chlls all over him. The tru
s;e az went back witness of "man's inhumanity
on - man." Bumps grew worse. He felt that
;roa m was forever dsgraced, and went to bed with
y" brain fever They tried to console him, /;
.SEs said that they could have busted the chest
.oa cno they had thought of having collision but
- ~. spirit of the man was gone. | was there wi
= s1e he died. | never want to weep as | W
Th" = ~ then. He just sunk right away, murmuri
'uo y. "Cuss that trunk !"
rT.