The Van Buren press., 1873-08-05
Single Blessedness.
Report Of Man pho Kept House UhRe
has WE wds og for the Summer.

| Ny wife has gone away for the sum
mcr, and left me in full charge OF the
/ house | like il haven't had such a run
| Of liberty since We were married hope
she's having good time, for can now
exercise my rights as The head Of the
| family. Can't do it whom she's vt home
she ii Not stand it She has rules, and
makes every body about her toe the mark,
But I've got her now, and am having
things my own way.
This morning came home quite ear
| ly. 1t was 2 4. m. I'd been to the club
and GO! caught out in the rain. For
half an hour couldn't find the key hole,
which must have got mlslaid. felt for
II everywhere, aud oven got down into
| the yard aud exsminel every brick but
couldn't find it, was in the act Of call
ing one Of my ncighbors, ana asking him
who had carried or my front door, when
| happened to find it and got into the
house.
In the dark kicked over spittoon,
bd luckily didn't get any of the tobacco
Juice on my boots hung my ovsrcoat
and umbrella on - prong Of the chande.
lier, let them drip on the parlor carpet,
went up stairs snd turned in with my
boots on. thought it wasn't worth
while ID pull them off, as | would have
TO get up in eight or ten hours anyhow.
II my wife had been at home she'd have
had me looking an hour for the boot
jack, and ! would have lost that amount
r nb pok
ed Besides, she'd have made mo give a
full account Of myself, which don't like
to do. ! never did believe in praising
myself It's better to let others speak OF
ones virtues. | can row wear shirt a
week, and it's nobody's business. don't
see how ever did get along with that
woman The idea of hayiag to put on
clean shirt, black my boots and brush
up my clothes every morning is simply
ridiculous 1t is a miriels to me how !
ever did it and attended to my other Of
fairs | now read the morning paper
without being forced 10 SEQ an impatient
woman standing with her dress in one
hand, looking very miserable, and hnaliy
telling me she is going down town and
wants that paper. ANY one to look at
the house now would know there's no
women abont, everything is 50 quiet and
comfortable and handy. II want to do
a little figuring don't have to hunt up
pencil, sr pen and ink, but just sit down
to one of the tables and do it with my
finger, and there's nobody 10 bc eternal.
ly welding busting brush around my
head and telling me to get out of the
way until the house is cleaned up. These
aro onsderatons that every married
man should ponder over. But when we
do ponder and resolve, what good dsss
it do? Not bit. Il these women can't
have everything just their own way, they
swoon off into Mysteries. AS conse-
qucnce, we have to pay a fifty dollar doc
tors bill, and stay in the house all day,
tanning them and promising them in the
end that we may be happyye before
they show any disposition 20 compro
mise. Our wives are pettcd toe much.
And this reminds me that mine won't
yield TO any other treatment. l under
took to prescribe a more stringent RENE
DIV for her one day, bat it threw her ints
a fit more like jim-jams than any thing |
knew or She broke every plate in the
house over my head and then had TO
kiss her before she would promise mott to
do it again. That's what makes me say
she is set in her ways
There. too, are the piano and guitar,
which she kept going from morning un-
til midnight, filing The whole neighbor
hood with dscordant sounds which she
called music Both are as mute AS the
bird cage which was vacated last week by
a strategic movement OF the cat
The two hundred pots Of tiowsrs she
left me 10 cultivate don't think will pro-
dnce much OF a crop They're nearly all
ripe now, and there's no sign of Hover
yet. have watered them twice since
she lef,, but it did no good. | reckon
they miss her, aud are pinins away be
cause she sint here. In this respect they
do not resemble me to an alarming ex-
tent
Our kitchen never looked better. The
stove ;,ui pipe have assumed beautiful
red tint, and the pots are bringing forth