The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-07-05
VARIETY.


lAasE.-The young lady with speaking eyes
made them hOarse by oyer-using them.
rECrrSa SICHr.-The most affecting sight
iRe editor ever saw was two hundred barrels
.Ea.
'mNG.-A sign at feeding-place on the
Il Railroad reads: "a good square meal,
tperfeet gorge, 81 So"
oEaowFrL.-The most sorrowful man in De
an unfortunate whose divorced wife in
taS5OO, 900 the day after he married again.
u enthusiasts Nebraska editor says, - Nine
lts of the year in Nebraska is summer, and
;sst is mighty late in the spring"
roung man at n party one evening being
df he could play the harpsiehord, wanted
tl0F II is was anything Ike seSen-up.
nADv1cE.-'' Keep 'em alive, boy, keep 'em
81" said an old physician 10 his young
her practitioner. - Dead men pay no bills"
.xE An OYsrER.-The rOtund maid of the
ID. dressed in the fashionable low-necked
dress, looks like an oyster on the half-shell
lie, puIPy and peaceful
IS REPLY. A worthy Kentucky farmer being
4 if daughter recently married was living
him, replied - No, sir; when one Of my
swarms, she must hunt her own hive"
1xFDENT1AL--Afser asking your name in the
of Arkansas, the natives are in the habit of
Ter inquiring in a confidential tone: Well,
what was your name aiOre yer moved 20
, parts?
,oUBLED.-The ST. Louis Democrat says
haIes are running their noses against that
ION Of Rhode Island that sticks out into the
T, and the inhabitants are troubled with
1quakes.
,scULAR-A man who had met a few friends
ward took walk. The pavements were
+. lev. and he exclaimed Very singular
rbenever water freezes, it always freezes with
Iippery side up
-oRsE.-lIr Howlaloud-" Robin, you didn't
70 Suuday-school yesterday, and went for
ed walk instead Have you not been smit-
with remOrse2' Delinquent Wuss nor
Father smited OF wi his strap"
.: IzrsHXAN's WILL will and bequeath nay
ysd wife, Bridget, all my property without
ve. and u my eldest son, Patrick, one-half
,e remainder; and to Dennis, my youngest
the rest. If there is anything left it may
Terence Mccarthy.
10 Of the 'cutest and most characteristic
atious we have heard Of was perpetrated by
l-g in this county few weeks ago. He was
ls Of paying bis debts by going into bank
CT. and beng short of the necessary funds
he purpose, ne borrowed the amount from
ID and returned the amount among the debts
owed to be discharged. { Va.)
-CH-
-scEPTIBLE OF PERvERsIOS.-We know of
ing so susceptible Of Perversion as the efforts
Young man TO kill a mesquite on young
3 cheek. a eeusOrious world would never
i've him for trying TO seize it with his teeth
n any less extraordinary method would do
as well. And yet, it is said that in New
ey no gallant of sound incisors ever adopts
other method
n eminent civil engineer and geologist gave
IOT1wfng certificate to the starters of q coal
>: "At the urgent request of the directors
le OJIbbewsy Coal Company, have tested
sample Of coal ss1t to me, and 1t is my firm
ion that when the great conhagratiOn OF the
d shall take place, and which is expected to
,en on the final day, the man who shall stand
that coal mine will be the very last man
shall be burned
correspondent of the Lebanon, Ky, Stand
tells this: One Of our merchants dreams
- dreamed that 1 was in heaven, and
every fellow who got in there must pay fifty
admission fee. While watching each new
II l heard a familiar tread without, and
" recognized it as being that of Aunt Polly
<. So l drew near TO see If Aunt Polly
4 have the money 70 get in, when heard
blowing, Mr.. Peter, what's the price TO
M Fifty cents, ma am Won't ye take
cents?i No Forty-ive cents?' No
D won't We take it in socks?' NO Then
IIdn't come in to save yer neck And Aunt
went of to hunt cheaper heaven"
young fellow was taking sleigh ride with
tty girl, when he met a minister who was
,ated for tying the matrimonial knot at
notice He stopped him, and asked hur-
an you tie knot for me?''
es,' said Brother B, "I guess so;
do you want it dOne2"
Yell, right away" was the reply. "I Is it |
although, here on the highway?"
es; this is as good a place as any-as
III e church itself"
ri then, L want knot tied on my horsc's