Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-09-19
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

Rector-'An uncommonly fine pig, Mr..
Dibbles, decarel" Coutemplatiye villa
ger-"Ah, yes, sir; if we was all of Us as fit
to die As him, sir -
This is told bya Paris correspondent
"Why are YOU crying so, my child?" in
quired a mamma of her grown-up daughter.
Z" Because Nile. B. gave me slap in the
face" "And did You return it. mo, as
gave her one first"
81 hope, Mrs. Giles" said a lady who
was canvassing for or at the village
church, - You will pers...le your husband to
Join Us. II am told he hasa sonorous voice. "
"a snorous voice, marm?' said Mrs. Giles.
All You should hear it comm out of his
nose when he's asleep"
Scene, crowded horse car. Strong mind
ed female" Sir, | would have you to
understand that in this enlightened century
no one but brute would suffer a lady to
stand in this manner" Mild-looking old
gentleman, savagcly-" Madam, | belong to
the dark ages, and if You call me brute
again II shake the life out Of youi' Fe-
male iaints Grand hysterical tableau.
Mr. and Mrs. Stufilebean of Peoria were
walking to church last Sunday, when they
met young lady Of singular beauty and
sweetness of expression, who was lame. Il
have noticed, :" said Mrs. s., "that people suf-
lering from such afliction wear such n
beautiful expression of sweet patience and
resignation that it makes even hOmely faces
gentle and attractive. Did You ever notice
how gentle and attractive all lame people
look ?' Old Stuillebean said he had, and
asked his wife. if she had not already done
so, to remark tle placid, engaging expres-
sion which dwelt on his face like halo Of
peace, that look Of sweet uncomplaining res
ignation which he wore at such times as he
was lame on account Of his corns being un-
usually bad. And Mrs S, only said, be-
tween her teeth. "for him to wait until she
got home from church, that was all"
\ Western Tarson recently began funer-
al discourse by alluding to the fact that he
had oficiated at the hanging of the father Of
the deceased.
The Edinburgh Daily Rcriar records an
amusing conversation which took place in
the galleries Of the Free Church Assembly,
lately. Young lady-Therc' : Old DIR. A.
going to speak. Isn't he bore Ola Lady
Dangling suppose he Is; but do
You know | rather like him? Young Lady
l can't bear him. Old lady (altcr some
time) Who is that nice old gentleman
speaking? Young lady-Ah. that's Mr. B.
of c. Old lady (he-itatingly)-
Don't you think he i~-rther proSy?
Young lady Gndignantly)-No. indeed do
not. Allow me To inform you that he Is my
iather. Old lady-Oh, indeed Then am
glad hit the mark so gently. because "old
Dr. A." Is my husband. So suppose We
have both got lesson. my dear, don't You
think?
Jones says the white flannel suit he bought
year ago has proved very economical in
ye~tmcnt. and has been Of much use in his
family Joucs weighs two hundred and iii-
ty pounds. and when he bought the suit it
fitted him remarkably well. After the first
washing hi, eldest son. who weighs one
hundred pounds less that Jonc- senior, found
the silt an excellent tit. Two waShines more
made the garment delightful for a youth of
nine, and al the end of the season the baby
was adorned with the habiiment7 which
shrunk Just enough 10 make them fit for
child out Of creeping clothes. This year
Jones wife Uses them a- % di-hcleth. Where
all the flannel has ~hrunk TO Jones doesn't
see. and >ay~ he would willingly take his
whole family and his mother in-law to a
lecture which would explain it. and pay
double price.
Two Ru,hford (Niun..) school ma ans
met a big nttlc~nake and killed him. the
other dav. and the Star of that place thinks
that If our school ma ans aforesaid had
been In Gran mother Ewes place. instead Of
f,oling with the serpent till they got bit
and then running % tell Adam. they would
have snatched up rock and smashed the
old fellow head. and we'd all have been in
the Garden OF Eden now. instead Of having
to scratch to buy Us -clothcs.'
An entcrrri-ing ~oapmaker daubel the
rocks all the way up the Hudson with the
appeal, use Smiths Soap" WhcreaPan
his rival, the still more cnterpri-ing Jones,
after much coeitati1n. started his white
washer up the river TO append To each of
Mr.. Smiths appeals. "lf You can't get
Jones
1t Is rumorei that the wife of one Of the
New Haven Aldermen pgrpo~e~ bringing
suit against the Mayor of that city for giving
her husband too mueh champagne recently
ON the occasion of a supper rendered to the
members of the municipal government the
wor~cr half in question having utterly failed
To convince her that his inclination to 90 20
bed with his boots on was solely because
"i-hecream di>horder d'ge~h'n an give tel-
Ter col feet
4 neat reply was tiat given by a statter-