Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1873-04-18
desire to tIkc human life.'

been. have been nearly starved once or
twice, not daring TO leave my room. can.
conquer my madness now the question
is, how long can continue to do so. feel
that 1t is growing upon me. feel my
power of resistance becoming weaker and
weaker-tbo craving for blood getting
stronger and stronger. I am like man
who has slipped over precipice, and feels
the earth and shrubs to which he clings,
slowly, slowly, surely, surely, giving way
with him. I have brought wretched ours
out of the street, and killed them In my
frenzy in the hope to exhaust 1t on them.
1t is no use. must have human lfe.'
"Any human life?" inquired, cor some
one in particular7'
"'Wby do you ask this, Doctoi? he cried.
getting suddenly excited.
"No matter go ou.''
Sometimes he resumed, 1T seems that
any life would do; and sometimes s-Doc-
tor, four days before 1 saw you, met, up
on New Jersey ferry boat, a young girl.
So pretty, so refined and nice I followed
her TO her hone-.he devil, that has taken
possession of me, led me. She went in,
and soon came out again into her little gar
den, and tended her flowers-poor child
Doctor, if had had pistol with me,
should have shot her. You may smile |;
but some day, soon, ] shall take pistol on
purpose, and shoot her.
at was clearly no use arguing with him.
The best way with such people is TO admit
the facts, and try 10 work round them.
"Then," said l, ''the only thing you can
do is to submit TO the restrictions of an
asylum, till this feeling has passed.
"'It will not pass. If were TO go TO a
madhouse, should sham sane. Sooner or
later their vigilance over me would be re-
laxed. Then I should murder my keeper,
and 90 straight for that innocent girl
"'Then leave the country
"'Well, that would save her; but, Doc
tor, one life is as dear to its holder as an
other. If don't kill her, shall kill some
one else.
"'My dear fellow, replied, in as light
a tone as l could assume, these fancies are
durable. Put yourself under skilled treat
ment. You are all TO bits, physically. Get
sound in body, and you'll get all right in
yoIr mind
"'On the contrary, l am all to bits, as
you say, mentally, and my body suffers
through my mind. Medical treatment!
have consulted every medical practitioner
of note, here and in Europe. Some think
Pm fooling them, some look wise, and talk
as you do about "treatment." All have
failed. Doctors are no use to me-.
"'Then may ask why you have come
here?"
"'To ask your advice as q friend he
answered, drawing his chair nearer to me
and lowering his voice. 'to ask you one
question, as a friend and God-fearng
man, and to which I pray you 10 give a
plain yes or no..
"'Go on
"'Feeling as feel, shall he justified,
before God, in taking my own life? Would
II be deadly sin for me 10 do for myself
what l would do TO a mad dog?'
81 repeat his words almost rs be spoke
them. l cannot give you the faintest idea
of the solemn delberation with which he
put this awful question. For some mo-
ments l could not say word. Then ]
started up, and told him that l would not
answer him yes or no-that it was not fair
to ask me TO take such a responsibility.
Then be rose, too, and said that he must
resolve it for himself, and I saw plainly
which way it would go. Give me till to-
morrow, to think it out said, OBTAINING
him.
Tomorrow may be too late,' he repli-
ed. The fit may come upon me tonight
for all know
"'Come home with me; I'm not afraid
You won't hurt me- said
"'I would try very hard not to do so-bu
i know myself. l cannot trust myself
Don't you trust me-
"'I will trust you, but I'll do more. Yor
are not armed, suppose?
"'No,' he replied with shudder, no
now.'
"'Ill take care that you shall not be, ant
I'll carry my Derringer in my pocket. Or
the first indication of homcidal mania,
give you my word I'll shoot-and I'll shoe
straight l said this to satisfy him, pool
fellow! In his weak state, I could hav,
laid him down like child. 1t did satist,
him, and we went home together. / lee
him to talk of our soldering days, an,
gradually got him back to his wound.
made him describe the first sensations o
pain in his head, and repeat all that his diff
ferent medical advisers had said. I hap
pened to have strong preparation of has
heesh by me. l gave him a dose, and
whilst under its influence, 1 carefully ex
amned his head. Now the hea6, you mus
know, does not fatten or waste away, il
proportion to other parts OF the body. Still
his had become mere skin and bone; an
this state, perhaps gave me an advantag
over others who had made the same exam
ination. At last 1 felt, or thought felt
faint twitching-a sort of abnormal pulsa
tion-about two inches above the left eal
II might be merely nervous, but 1t Nigh
be caused by the ball.
~ then set my mind TO work, AM
thought the whole case over steadily. I
the first place, was that impulse to tax
spoken, really uncomfortable. For exam
pie, suppose that he did one day take
pistol 'on purpose and go to that youn
lady's garden-would he shoot her? 7
suppose that the insane mind never chang
es its purpose, or turns from its fell con
pletlon of its purpose, is to say, in otht
words, that the insane mind is strongt
than the sane mind. IT man with
freshly broken leg were to tell you he WI
going to run foot race, you would not b.
lieve him, because your common sense r.
/
volts against the idea of his running wit
a leg disabled. But If one with his mir
disabled declares that he is going to {
something dependent upon the action
; his mind, common sense does not alwa.
, argue so well.