The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1873-08-06
Max Adler.
GENERAL MUNli.

GENERAL MJNN
The most absent-minded man we
ever knew was our friend General
Mumm. He lost one Of his legs in
the late war, and be always wore a
patent artificial leg, full Of springs
and joints Sometimes when he
started out in the morning he would
get his leg on hind-part foremost, and
then he would 90 straddling down
the street with one set Of toes point
ing east and the other set pointing
west. His right knee would bend in
one direction and his left would
bulge out in another, and the old
man would bob up and down ike a
jumpingjack worked with Z string
Presently be would meet Us. and
come jolting up 10 Us 70 say that he
wished we would pitch into the High
way Department for leaving thePave-
ments in such . Tascally condition
that n man couldn't walk straight
Previous TO the war, while he was
down at Cape Nav one summer, he
took q buT-bath early in the morning,
and while in the water he got 70 med
itatiny upon some abstruse subject,
and, forgetting himself, he came out
walking upon the beach and I'D the
street 10 the hotel dressed in nothing
but q sad, sweet smile, Just as the
people were coming down to break
fast. Only 4 very short tine ago be
hitched his horse 10 his sulky with
the animals nose pushed close up
against the dasher, and started of
backwards without noticing the d.
rection. At the end Of the first half
mile the vehicle jumped up against q
tree, and the General shot out over
the horses tail. II be doesn't get
out Of his coffin at his own funeral,
and insist upon going a. a pall-bearer,
il viii be singular
NEW MUSIC.
We do not often notice music, but
are we impelled TO make some remarks
upon a song recently Published, and
entitled Kiss me, Darling, When
I'm Gone" The request itself Is in
deed Of an interesting nature, baeause
It suggests the inquiry, How, in the
name Of common sense, can this
darling kiss him when be is gone p
Ii il too much 70 expect Of q woman
II Is, in a certain aspect, unreasona-
bic If she kisses him while he Is
there, he ought TO be satisfied with
out requiring her 70 perform the oscu-
latOrv feat after be has left for home
THAT word, "osculatOry," will prob
ably be used in this paper many
times during the next few months
Whenever we start up a new and
surprising word Ike that, all the edi-
tors and critics and reporters seize It
and shake it az the public until it be-
comes tiresome.) But what we wish
TO refer 70 particularly in this song Is
the first verse, which Is as follows:
When struggling 'szi1s- the stormy waves
OF lies il-bsari1g SEA
The fragrance Of Thy loving smile
VIII var new strength 70 M.
You viii observe that while be is
swimming in the said sea he expects
her to stand somewhere and smile q
loving smile, upon the fragrance Of
which, if the wind blows il the right
direction, he expects 10 float ashore.
If his hopes are realized we should
ike TO hear from him. We shall take
measures TO patent that woman's low
ins smiles. 80 that the fragrance Of
them can be sliced and sold as life
preservers \ woman whose smiles
possess such power would beinvalua-
bic as ehambermaid on a steamboat.
If anybody happened TO fall over
board, she could stand by the tafraif
and smile and wait the struggling
sinner on the smell Of the smile TO
safety better than if he had a gum
thing around IT,