Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-08-28
PHINNYGRAMS.

"A Nebraska man thinks he has dis
covered natural castor oil well, and ex-
poets to build up popular summer re-
| sort
-"Why are you crying so, my child -
| inquired French mamma of her grown up
daughter. because Mile. B. gave me a
slap in the face" "And did you return
it!' mo, | gave her one first
-"Och,' says a love-sick Hibernian,
what recreation it is to be dying in
love 1t SEES the heart aching so delicate
", there's no taking a wink of sleep from
the pleasure of the paint"
An exchange says: "When YOU see
bare headed man follow a COW through
the front gate, filling the air with garden
implements and profanity, you may know
that his cabbage plants have been set
out"
-"Rcader,' Of Boston, wishes to know
IN what dictionary the word "preventi
tive" can be found. He saw it used in the
NejCS. Ii he saw it used there it must be
our word, for had we taken it from any
dictionary we would have doubtless cred
tied it.-Danbany Neocs
A schOolboy being asked by his teach
er OF what the German Diet was constitut-
ed, replied: ''Sourkrout, schnapps, lager
bier and mir cum r0us" That lad must
be cOusln-german to the boy who when
shown d picture of Luther at the Diet of
Worms" said; Papa, l see Luther, but
where are the worms9'
Smith says he is going to get a di-
vorce. He has got chills and fever. His
wife broke a burglars back the other
night, knocked out three of his front teeth,
| sprained his leg and broke his arm. She
said she would not have done it in such
| style, only she was under the impression
that it was her husband coming in the
back way tipsy.
Scene in the Goldsboro' On. c. Post
Office: Nothing, sir" Thar amt no
letter fur me, you say?" 'Nothing."
Dad fetch the luck! Say, mister, amt
thar 'nuther pOst-office in town. "Onlv
one" "Wcll, all Eve got to say, it's a
miserable one-horse town that can't sport
but one post-office," was the comment of
| the cOuntryman as he strobe into the
street.
Mrs. Darlington now says; you
shouldn't be SO glutinOus, Isaac as with
anxious expression she remarked the
strong, conclusive effort that young gent
was making 10 bolt the last quarter of a
mince pie-'yOu shouldn't be so glutin
Gus, dear. You must be very careful or
you will get something in your elemental
ry canal or sarcophagus one Of these days
that will kill you, Isaac
A young gentleman telegraph opera
tor in Hartford, after repeated calls for
young lady operator in another office, at
last got a response, and then he telegraph
ed back to her: II have been trying to
get you for the last halfhour!" In a mo-
ment the following spicy reply came
tripping back over the wires from
the Geographic maiden: That's nothing
There is young man here been trying to
do the same thing for the last two years,
and he hasn't got me yet"
"A North Main street gentleman saw
his boy in front of the house throwing
ball last evening. He hadn't played ball
himself for thirty years, and knew moth
ing OF the kind of ball ball-clubs have in
troduced IN the past few years, but he felt
the old spirit rising in him at the memory
of former triumphs, and he held up his
hands and told his son to ''let her slide"
She slid. He caught it full and fair, and
then dropped it and started into the house
with his eyes full Of tears and his hands
pressed under his arms, The youth sub
sequently informed another boy that he
ScoiN PihihiS Aital tilC oIu uldIl UOllSS
snap.-Dan5ny Neacs.
An old lady who was in the habit of
declaring, after the occurrence of any
event, that she had predicted it, was one
day cleverIy sold" by her worthy spouse,
who, like many others we wot of. had got
tired of hearing her eternal Il told YOU
So" Rushing into the house, breathless
with excitement, he dropped into chair,
elevated his hands, and exclaimed: ooh!
my dear. what do you think? The old
COW has gone and eaten up our grind
stone!" The old lady was ready. and,
hardly waiting to hear the last word, she
screamed out at the top of her lungs: Il
told you so, told you so! You always
would let it stand out of doors.n
At Barnum's show, one day, Young
husband, the happy father of chubby,
| rosy checked baby, was wandering about
the concern, and after q while neared the
headquarters of the wild Fiji Canni-
balls" Holding the aforesaid offspring
in his arms, he stopped to view these feed
ers on human flesh. Mr.. Fiji accosted the
| papa thusly: "Fattee baby, white man;
| good eat; tender. FIJI man like him.
How muchee price? FIJI man pay Nell
kee man dollars" The Mortified father