Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-06-21
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.

FIGURES don't lie except WHICH cookco'
How TO KEEP BooKs-Never lend them.
The WRIST MAN LIONIzED-Daniel in the
den.
A SCHOOL FOR VocALIsTs-Sing Sing
Academy.
CAPTAIN JACKS coNUNDRUM-Where
are we now?
UMBRELLAS and pancakes are seldom
seen after Lent.
PRIDE IN PAIN-Savannah boasts of the
first sunstroke this season.
MRS. MANoUvBRE wants to husband her
daughters resources.
How can man see the point of joke
when he is the butt?
The backbone of winter may be bro
ken, but its tail still ways.
SEDIMENTS make good emigrants. They
are sure to settle.
UTILIZING NATURES FoRCEs-Teachlng
swallows to skim milk.
LIFE Is BRIEF-Man respires, aspires
conspires and expires.
The GRAVE OF UNAPPRECIATIvE GENIUS
The waste basket.
"HIGH" notes are strictly avoided by
temperance glee clubs.
A MAN with black-eye insisted on suing
for repairs, and not for damages.
Now is the time for fresh items about
abnormal eggs laid by executive hens.
WOMEN in Florida make from SIS to 81
week braiding palmetto hats.
BUSINESS FOR THE MEDICO.LEGAL So
cIETY-Purging the bar of shysters.
STRANGE there should be so much bit.
terness In Louisiana, the land of the sugal
cane.
IL coat not worth repairing could
speak, how would it plead? :" 1t is never
too late to mend"
SHOULD a pickpocket attempt to stea
your watch, tell him you have no time te
spare.
A CYNIC describes marriage as an altal
on which man lays his wallet and woman
her affections.
THERE Is nothing so distressing as 9
duh young man trying to make an appa'
rent pun.
A CIRCUS proprietor admitted newsboys
free until he found there were several
thousand In each village.
WE recommend the President of the
Republic of Letters to appoint naturali.
cation bureau for foreign words.
DIVORCE will be next obtained on the
grounds of emotional insanity" such al
marrying on empty purses.
A CALIFORNIA lover, who expected {
sack from his sweetheart, sold his goot
will to a rival for waistcoat.
A YOUNG and happy widow in Pari
recently remarked to friend: I" an
new in the honeymoon of my widow
hood"
WE count seventeen new women lee
turers who are preparing to assist II
turning the world upside down next sea
son.
A MINNESOTA man lost gimlet tire
years ago. When he found it, recently
1t had grown into three-quarter incl
auger.
SAID woman to physician who wa
weighing two grains Of calomel for
child: "Dinna be so mean WI it, 1t |
for poor, fatherless BARN."
ENGLISH clergymen have recently be
gun to call their briefer disccurses ser
monettes," and that is as good way a
any other to distinguish them from long
er and more labored efforts.
PRoP. voGHT records an instance G
what may be called self-cannibalism. ii
cut in two male cricket, ard immediate
ly the fore part, probably experiencing
sensation of emptiness in the ventral re
gion, turned upon the hinder part and de
voured it!
Oh, the snore, the beautiful snore, fill
Ing her chamber from ceiling to floor
Over the coverlet, under the sheet, fron
her dimpled chin to her pretty feet! Nov
rising aloft like bee in June; now sun
to the wall of cracked bassoon! Nov
fiute-like, subsiding, then rising again, !
the beautiful snore of Elizabeth Jane.