The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-01-24
The Credit Mobilier Confessional.

instances of the weakness of human nature
through the medium of auricular confession
than Bishop Poland of the Church OF tho
Credit Mobilier. He is as mild hammered
bishop as ever gathered 1.-THE or cursed SIN
ner Sharing in the eye-opening surprises OF
the good bishop have been four holy clerks
in orders Father Banks, the bumptious
Father Merrick, the mild Father Niblack,
the nice, and Father McCrary, the magnih-
cent. Never did five holy men have better
cause to feel a tingling sensation from the
tops of their tonsures to the soles OF their
slippers than these same reverend props of
the State Church in listening to the penitents
of the Church of the Credit Mobilier. Pope
Gregory's hair lifting the triple crown clean
off his head was not circumstance to the
bound skyward which Bishop Poland's
mitre gave when that awful old sinner,
Hoax Ames began unburdening his peccant
old bosom.
Never before have the se'vt servormm
Had before 'em
Such breach of decOrum,
Such fragrant defiance OF neorune bonorun,
And won't have again secasa SecatOrun.
1t was awful Hoax Ames on his first visit
to the confessional only told little of the sin
he had wrought. The other pentents came
up one by one, looking as devout as the
Bishop himself, or, at least, as Merrick, the
mild, and after saying they had nothing to
confess went awayas gay s larks, or as Father
Banks, the bumptious, when he dimes with the
Friars of Orders Gray. But they each said
which much bewildered the venerable Bishop
and set him consulting with his reverend
clergy The five put their heads together and
whispered Church Latin to each other, until
they arrived at the conclusion that Hoax
Ames was, like another maligned entity,
The holy quintet at this moment
heard rustic, and, looking behind them,
observed a gentleman, who gave his
name as McComb and his profession as Ad-
uocatus DiaboH. He pulled lot of documents
out of a black bag and threw them upon the
sacristy table and then disappeared up his
stovepipe hat They read the documents, and
the Bishop was on the point of calling for
shook, bell and candle" to hurl humping
anathema at Hoax Ames for gay deceiver of
holy men, when Father Banks, who loves
fun, suggested that Hoax should be given
one more chance to escape everlasting service
in the hottest Of hot corners Hoax was sent
for and brought before the inquisition. He
insisted on having all the other penitents sent
for, too, and they came He made par
fall al Of IF nd fba pfc
grumbled excessively as the old sinner men,
toned their names in connection with shares
and dividends by the wholesale. Hoax grew
mad as a halter, and said he was tired of
trying to keep these penitents straight in the
eyes of the Bishop and his clergy. Then
it was he made the statement which
caused the skyward fight of the
Bishops mitre sent the ''baretas'' of the four
fathers cam oming against each other, and the
''stoles of the whole five flying around like ser
penis over the heads of the covering penitents.
Small wonder was it the stoles were agtated
when there was so much suggestive Of sins
against the mandate which tells men not to
steal. In spite of all denials it became plain
that the willy Hoax had fixed upon the long
faced pious penitents the guilt if such it
be, of having received the shares
and dividends as below set down. Other
equivalents of dividends were told of by the
bad old Hoax. "Give us the shares and the
money!" said the Bishop, as he tried to
smooth down his wonder-lifted locks in the
attempt to replace his mitre Hoax then
handed in as follows:-