Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1873-06-10
Those Carpets.

lie annual va "Pt
and whipping, and putting down car
pets Is upon Us. IL Is one OF the Ills
which flesh ia heir to, aud cannot be
avoided. You 90 home some pleasant
Spring day ut peace with the world.
aud find the baby with a clean face,
and get your favorite pudding for din
ner. Then your wife tells you how
much younger you are looking, and
says she really hopes she can turn that
walking dress she wore last Fall, and
save the expense OF q new suit, aud
then she asks you II you can't Just help
her about taking up the carpet. II you
ars fool-and you generally are by
that time-you tell her OF course you
can, Just as well rs not. Then she gets
n saucer for the tacSs. and she stands
and holds IL. aud you get the claw. and
get down or your knees and begin TO
help her. You feel quite economical
about the first three tacks, and take
them ont carefully aud put them III the
saucer. Your wife Is good about hold
ing the saucer, and beguiles you with
an interesting story about how your
neighbor's little boy is not expected to
live till morning. THEN you come to
tho tack with crooked head, and you
get the claw under it and the head
comes of, aud the leather comes oil,
and the carpet comes Oft, and as it
won't do to leave the tack In the floor,
because it will tear the carpet when 1t
Is put down again. you go TO work and
skin your knuckles aud get silver
under your thumb nail, aud tell your
wife to shut up about that everlasting
boy. and make up your mind that
1t does not make any difference
about that tack, and so you begin
on the corner where the carpet Is dou-
-bled two or three times. aud has been
nailed down with 4 shinsle nail. You
don't care a continental about saving
the nail. because yon find that IL Is nota |
good time for the practice OF economy; |
but you 90 feel little hurt when both |
clauses break of from the claw. and
the nail does not bulge peg. Then
your manhood asserts itself. ana you
rise In your might, and throw the car
pet claw at the dog, and get hold OF
the carpet with both hands, and the
air Is full OF dust and flying tacGS, and
there Il a fringe OF carpet yarn all
along by the mop board, and the baby !
cries, and the cat goes anywhere. any
where in the world, and your wife |
says You ought to be ashamed OF your
selfto talk 50. but the carpet comes up. |
Then you lit one side of the stove.
and your wife tries to get the carpet |
from under it, but can't because you |
are standing on it. So you try new |
hold, and Just after your back breaks
the carpet Is clear. You are not
through yet. Your wife don't tell
you any little stories, but she gets
yeur old coat and hangs 1t on to you,
and smotherS you with that carpet,
and opens the back door anu shoves
YOU out, but ntimates that the carpet
needs whipping. When you hang the
tormeuting thing across the clothes
line the wrong way, and get 1t right
ed, aud have it Slide oil into the mud,
and hang It up again. aud get half
pint OF dust and three broken tacks
snapped out of the northwest corner
into your mouth by the wind, You
make some observation which you neg
lected TO make while in the house.
Then you hunt up a stick and go
for that carpet. The first blow
hides the sun and all the fair
face Of nature behind cloud Of
dust, and right in the center OF that
cloud, with the wind squire in your
face, no matter how you stand. you
WELD that cudgel until both hands are
blistered and the milk of human kind
ness curdles In your bosom.
You can whip the carpet longer or
shorter period. according TO the size Of
your mad; IL don make any differ
ence TO the carpet, 1t Is just as dusty
and fuzzy aud generally disagreeable,
after you have whipped it two hours,
rs 1t was when you commenced. Then
you bundle It up, with one corner
dragging and stumble into the house,
and have more trouble with the stove,
and fail to find any way Of using the
carpet stretCher while you stand on
the carpet, and tail to lind any place
to stand, oil from the carpet, aud you
= get OH your knees again. while your
wife holds the saucer. and with blind
confidence hands you broken tacks,
crooked tacks. tacks with no points.
tacks with no feathers, tacSs with the
biggest end at the point.
}; Finally the carpet is Gown, and the
baby comes back, and the cat comes
back, and the dog comes back, and
your wife smiles sweetly and says she
l. glad that job is of her mind. As it
Ia loo late to do anything else, you sit
bv the fire and smoke. with the inner
consciousness that you are the meancst
man In America. The next day you