Smyrna times., 1873-04-30

WHOLE NO. 939
AMUSING SCENE-There was an amusing
enc on board the louisiana mail boat the
her day. There was the usual conglomera-
on OF passengers in the cabin just before the
oat landed; and amid the general hubbub of
1nversatlon man remarked incidentally,
Now, In Jersey, where live
instantly an OLD man, who sat mOodily and
Ilently pondering by the stove for some time,
prang to his feet and exclaimed
Stranger, are you from New Jersey?"
Yes
And willin' to acknowledge it?'
Yes, sir; proud ont"
Hurrah; give us your hand!" cried the
I'D man, fairly dancing with exultation. "I'm
rom New Jersey, too, but never felt like de-
;laring it afore. Shake I'm all old man.
We travelled long aud far, I've been in every
;lty in the west-steambOated on the Ohio and
been to Callorny, over the plains,
and around the Horn; took voyage once to
Liverpool; but ln all my travels hang me If
this ain the first time ever heer'd man
acknowledge that he kun from New jersey"
An Essex street man killed hen that be.
longed to neighbOr because it flew into his
yard. The neighbor made no demonstration.
But he went around among the juveniles, and
told them that the one among them who could
say "Shoes and socks shocks Susan" four
times running, without mistake, would receive
two dollars from the hen-ker. SO they went
up to his house, in the guiltlessness of child
hood, and filed the hall and the stoop, and
crowded the yard, and made up their minds
they would earn that two dollars or die And
they sailed in, and the man tried to drive them
of, but cOu dnt, and then he went up stairs,
but they followed him. The air resounded with
IL l.
ations in the shrillest of voices keyed to the
highest of pitches. In vain the victim appeal
ed for mercy with ink bottles and hot water,
and mustard boxes. His arguments were un-
needed and his cries were unheard and he
finally scaled fence and fed, pursued by
what he was firmly convinced were score of
demons. The hen was avenged.
How THEY Do IT.-In New York State to
take more than seven per cent is usury.
| When money is worth one per cent. day or
| theresbOutG, they get over the usury clause in
| this fashion,
Mr. Brown-Say, Jones, III bet you $50 you
won't lend me $4,000 for two days at per
cent. per annum.
Mr. Jones (stroking his moustache and
musing)--Ill II take that bet. I'll lend you the
| $4,000.
Mr.. Brown-Lost again, by Jove! Here's
the $50.
N B-Fify dollars is exactly the interest
on $4,000 for two days at per cent.
He THREW w-Artemus Ward once lent
money He thus receunts the transaction:
"a gentleman friend of mine came to me with
tears in his eyes. | said, Why these weeps?
He said he had a mortgage on his farm, and
wanted 10 borrow 5000. lent him the money
and he went away Some time after he
! rofur0a1 NTH He said ha ult
leave me forever. | ventured to remind him of
: the 5000 he borrowed. He was much cut up;
thought would not be hard upon him-sO l
told him | would throw off 500. He bright
, ened-shook my hand-ani said: old friend,
: | won't allow you to outdo me in iberality-
III throw off the other hundred.
t A Vermont man recently laid a wager that
e he would WOO, win and marry young lady,
who, with his companions, he had just seen
arrive at the hotel where he was living. He
introduced himself to the damScl, she smiled
Y upon his suit, a minister was called in and
), they were married within an hour. The wager
g of no incOnSiderable amount, was handed over
e to the bridegroom, who left with his bride the
!: following day. 1t was afterwards discovered
d that the couple had long been man and wife,
'. and that they had been travelling around play
1t ing the same trick at various hotels.
le --~~~~-
d The latest joke at Brigham YOungs expense
I'd is perpetrated by Pennsylvania paper, which
1t says: "Some chap thought he would play
d. joke on Brigham Young, so he gained access
to the list of his wives and added twenty sever
names thereto-Mary Jane Young Josephine
at Ann Young, Sarah Melinda Young, and g
ch forth. The next time Brigham called the roll
an twenty seven didn't answer 10 their names, s.
es he concluded that they had died since last roll
ed call, and putting a few more inches of Grape OF
Its his hat he looked as sad as possible, but ha
rd not yet detected the joke.
)" A careful bridegroom in Cleveland kept tn
nd wedding ring in his mouth during the fore par
ey of the ceremony, so that he could find it whe
in the proper moment arrived. He humble
ate along all right until the minister winked, as
hint TO produce the ring, when in hi
nervousness he swallowed it, and there bein
he no stomach pump On hand, he was stood on b
" head by three .groomsmen, to recover tn
lis golden pledge"
not An English gentleman informed his stewar
gh that he was to have a company of clergyme
md to dine "Be they high church or be the
1us low?" said the steward. What has that
md do with itY' was the reply. "Wery much,
i'm was the answer. IF they be high church, v
md want more wine-if they be low church
want more wttles"
Mamma (reading to nice boy). "Tt
son Esduimaux are very dirty people, aud was
OK, but once year-in the summer season ) b.
hey you, johnny, will be a clean boy, and wash Ill
a an American, won't you?" Nice boy. N
S; Tue ma; I'll be an Esquimaux; please, ma"
MS "
sLLo aLu Douglas Jerrold, for long time one of Il
@ tno editors of Punch said that the man never lv,
leir Ie Sne Iou'u .nIAo 'o2 soou JoAoS
very good allowance.
;nol A morning paper is of the opinion tn
jor nothing was too low for the Forty second Go
' 1or gress This is mistake, for their salary W
,on too low; so the members raised it, by loweri
tbo themselves.
lab A worthy Kentucky farmer being asked il
lard daughter recently married was still living wi
sing him, replied. "No sirl When one of nv q