The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1873-10-16
The Man Who Keeps a Cow.

ne man across the way VINO enjoyed
vegetables fresh from his own garden
! through the summer, has bought ccw
| His vile told him how nice it would be
to have COW on the premises. so to
have milk fresh and pure every day, and
| always in time aud always in abundance
Then they could make butter themselves
and not eat the rank stuff out of the store
She told him there was enough stuff from
the garden and table to almost keep the
COW, and the product would be just about
so much clear gain. lie figured it up
himself with pencil, and the result sur
prised him. He wondered why he bad
not kept a COW before, and iuwardly con-
demned himself Tor the loss he had been
iuficting upon himself. Then he bought
a COW. On the evening Of its arrival he
went out to milk it. But the animal was
excited by the strange surroundings, aud
stepped on our friend and kicked over
his pail, and nearly knocked one of his
eyes out with her tail. He worked at
the experiment for an hour, but without
any success. Then his vile came out to
give advice. and his son came out to see
the fun. The COW put one of her heels
through the woman dress, aud knocked
The boy down in the mud, which ended
their interest in the matter. One of the
neishbors milked the animal that night,
aud came around the next morning to
show the man how to do it. The third
day the COW escaped the surveillance of
the boy who was left to watch her, and
when he came home at night, she was no
where to be found. The boy had also
disappeared, aud our neighbor found be
was obliged to hunt her up before supper.
II e walked around for while, and then
returned home, but the animal had not
been seen. Then he went off again and
made very thorough search, aud about
10 o'clock that night he came back with
the cow, his clothes begrimmed with per-
>pration and dust and his face flushed
aud scratched. He wanted to kick the
animals ribs in, but realizing that such
a course would result in pecuniary damage
he changed his mind. The boy wishes
he had uLcycd the first impulse. % the
fourth day they churned, 50 as to have
fresh butter for the table. The mother
took hold of the dasher first, because she
said she used to do it when a girl, and
liked 40 better sport She pounded away
until she caught crick in the back that
doubled her up like kuife, and then she
ut the heir 70 it. He had been stand
ing around eagerly waiting for a chance
and grumbliny because he didn't get it,
aud when the da,her was placed in his
hand he was so happy he could hardly
confirm himself He pumped away for
an hour at it +; then he said il he had to
do it any more he would run away and be
a robber. At noon the man came home
and learned the situation. He was lit
tic disgus,ed with the 'tom ioolery," as
lie called it, and took hold of the churn
himself, and made it bounce for a while.
Then his stomach commenced to fall in,
aud his spine TO unjOint, and his should
ers to loosen. He stopped and wiped off
the perspiration, and looked around with
melancholy cast to his features, and
went at it again. The butter did not
conc, however, but every thing in the
way of oratorical effect did He got so
dreadfully excited that his wife, smelling
strongly Of canphor, took the dasher away
from him, and wen; TO work at it herself.
At this the son put his cap under his
jacket, and miraculously disappeared.
Later in the day the milk was poured
around the grape vine GA the filth day
the COW Knocked down a length of fence
to the next lot, aud ate all the oranges
from tree hat stood in tub, aud when
the people attempted to drive her out, she
carried away a new ivy on her horns,
knocked down a valuable vase Of flowers,
and capped the climax by stumbling over
a box of MOSES and falling on pile Of
hot.house frames On the sixth day
our neighbor sold his cow to a butcher,
and now eats strong butter which comes
from the store DanJuy Ncrs.