Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-05-14
Wit and Uumor.
JOINT acknowledgements.

those who have a right to know IO an
But let all you tell be truth.
aSHoor folly as it fies-Pope, was
set ND by stupid printer: "Shoot
polly as she fies-Pop."
INCREDIBLE as it may seem, some OF
/ the richest planters of Jamaica i've on
the coffee grounds.
MONEY is so tight that Mr.. Schel
asserts that the bulls in gold are the
Titans of Wall street.
Why blame poor Jay Gould for Dad
memory in Erie affairs Wasn't he
always forgetting?
A BOOK is advertised by Connecticut
publishers, "Funny Side of Physic.
Is the fun inside or outside?
THE great Tammany Boss has very
significant initials for his present per-
ormances-Double you (W) Empty
(M. I'd
In the lottery of New York appoint
ments. saws Governor Dix, destiny
found an honest man, Andrew Green.
He shall stay in.
WOMEN are never so confidential,
amiable and devoted to each other as
when two of them unite against
third
Our land-lubber wants to know II 3
the 6 stem" of a vessel is called so be-
cause it supports the boughs?
THE tale-bearer and the tale-hearer
should be both hanged up, back to
back, one by the tongue and the other
by the ear.
YOUNG lady about to be married,
being asked if the Rev. Mr. Il. was to
marry her, blushingly said, "Why, 10;
it is my feller."
FINE feelings, without vigor of rea-
son, are in the situation of the extreme
feathers of the peacock S tail-dragging
in the mud.
A YOUNG man at party the other
evening being asked if he could play
the harpsichord, wanted to know if it
was anything like seven-up.
SIR, woman's preaching is like
dog standing on his hind legs. 1t is
not done WELL but you wonder to see it
done at all.-JOKa32son.
GREATNESS stands upon precipice,
and if prosperity carries man never
so little beyond his poise, it overbears
and dashes him to pieces.
SIlEPTICIsM has never changed en-
pires, established principles or changed
the worlds heart. The great doors
in history have always been men of
faith
MARK TWAIN is about to make an
other pilgrimage. This time his Mecca
will be London Mark, by the way,
says that his great-great- grandfather
was one of the twenty thousand pill
grim fathers who came over in the
Mayfower
A GOOD collector must be patient as
a post, cheerful as a duck, sociable as
flea, bold as a lion, waterproof as
rubber, cunning as a fox, and watchful
as sparrow.
MARK TWAIN, a few months after his
first baby was born, was holding it on
his knee His wife said, 'sNow con-
fess, Samuel, that you love the child !"
g can't do that replied the humor-
spect the little thing for it's fathers
sake"
The young ladies in Waterbury are
getting to be high toned. Why,
YOU old s-a-r-d-l-n-e Is that you 2"
is the way one fair one saIuted another
one on TIE street yesterday, and the
angel in bustles and high heels meekly
and POLITICALLY responded: You
bet! I'm your katydld every time /"
A CAREFUL bridegroom in Cleveland
kept the wedding ring in his mouth
during the fore part of the ceremony,
so that he could find ii when the proper
moment arrived. He mumbled along
all right until the minister winked,
when in his nervousness he swallowed
it, and there being no stomach pump
on hand, he was stood on his head by
three groomsmen to recover the "gold
en- pledge"
DURING the present term of court at.
Lancaster, n. H., witness was inter
rogated and answered in the following
manner: " Which way was the COW
running?o Answer She was running
away from me- y Then, said the sharp
attorney, g Which way were you rum
ming? 2" Answer was running after
the Cow.
A GENTLEMAN IN Titusville recently
went fishing and caught quite variety
of things, In the first place he caught
UP his rod, caught a-passing wagon
and caught a ride. Having caught o
few angle worms for bait, he caught
snag,. caught quacking that made
him catch IS breath, and coming home
wet through caught scolding from
his wife, and wound up by catching
terrible cold that has lasted him ever
since.
THE- latest comic song has really
comic jingle for its refrain, recalling
4 the punning chorus of 6 I saw Esau
kissing Kate" Thus it runs:
g Say so, Sau-cy Sue, KS
Never leave to sigh o, Sue;
/ II You love me, Saucv Sue,
Wouldn'I it be better for to say so, Sue p
u "My brudders," said wagglsh
colcred man to crowd, in al attic
tion, in all OBJ your troubles, dar is one
place you can always find sympathy"
g Whar whar !" shouted several.
"In de dictionary he replied, rolling
his eyes skyward.
THE Georgia Dental Convention met
in Columbus, last Tuesday. The atten-
dance was large, and they sang as an
opening ode that sublime hymn:
cold Jonathan Gibbs he broke his tewth,
He broke his tewth, he broke his tewth,
|, Old Jonathan Gibbs he broke his teWth
Aeating plum pud-tag.
&c Great Jumps OF suet they stuck lnteW 1t,
, They stuck ntew it, they stuck intew it:
Great Jumps of suet they stuck intew it,
And made him howl, by jIng!"
The latest number of Blackwood's
, Magazine contains q new version of
g Old Mother Hubbard, a burlesque
entitled ''Sir Tray; an Arthurian Idyl,"
which very aptly hits Tennyson III his
} vulnerable points. Here is speclmen
! The widowed dame of Hubbards ancient liLe
, Turned to her cupboard, cornered anglewise
, Betwixt this wall and that, IN quest Of aught
To satisfy the cravings of Sir Tray,
; Prick-eared companion of her solitude,
Red-spotted, dirty-white, and bate of rib,
5 Who folowe at her high aud pattering heels,
rer IN h1s eve nra NHr his sinking nait-