Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1873-11-27
PHUNNY&RAMS.

Wicked waste-burning a candle at
both ends.
A dog with two tails was recently
seen in New York. One belonged to an
OK, and was carried in the mouth of the
dog.
An absentminded man kissed his pet
kitten and slapped his wife. The mice
in that house have had good time ever
since.
An Irishman being asked in court
for his certificate 81 marriage, showed a
big scar on his head about the size of a
small shovel.
Hens never wear anything on their
feet, except when the farmers wife drives
them out of the garden. Then they are
always Sh0o'd
OF the earth, earthly. 1t is probable
that many of the candidates who have
been round for some time past were flat
tened at the polls.
Mary Ann don't see anything so very
sad in he phrase lit might have heen.n
When she was told that she might have
Ben, she was glad of it.
Mrs. Araminta Hopkins says she
don't know when the swallows homeward
fly, but that if her ''swallower" don't re.
port himself u little earlier she'll make
him sing smaller,
"A worthy Kentucky farmer being
asked if daughter recently married was
still living with him, replied mo, sir;
when one of my girls swarms, she must
hunt her own hive"
In a late severe gale lady asked a
neighbor If he was not afraid his house
would blow away. "Oh, no," was the an
swer, "the mortgage on it is so heavy as
to make that impossible
"A fellow who had been hooked by
an unruly COW, limped in his gait. A
lady remarked that the man appeared to
be intoxicated. "Yes," replied her beau,
"the poor fellow has taken couple of
h1rHS."
An lrishman has defined nothing to
pe "a iootless stocking without n leg"
a description by another Emeralder is bet.
ter. "What is nothing?" he was asked.
shut your eyes and you will see it"
said Pat.
"A happy misquotaton by a young
lady, whose gentleman-caller staid too
late, caused Il speedy good.by. The clock
struck twelve, and she Remarked Nov
is the witching hour of night when peo-
pie yawn."
"A young gentleman of Kansas City
sent seventy-tiye cents to New York re
Gently for a method Of writing without
pen or ink. He received the following
inscription, in large type, on card
Write with pencil"
"A topper the other night got at the
yeast jug and took swig Putting it
down he called out to his wife, Say,
Jane | wish you wouldn't mix that
chicken feed over the cider Jug, it's huff
to make a hog sick" The yeast made
him hop soon after.
An old, rough clergyman once took
for his text that passage of the Psalms,
81 said in my haste all men are liars"
Looking up apparently as if he saw the
Psalmist standing before him he said
"You said it your haste, David, did you
Well ii you had been here, you might
have said it after mature elaboration"
A node on love.
A curious thing II love,
That cometh from above,
And hgnteth like dove
On some.
And come Ii never hits
Unless 1t gives them fits,
And scatters all their wits.
oh hum
Little Tommy didn't disobey nam.
ma and go in swimming, did hey" mo,
mamma; Jimmy Brown and the rest of
the boys went in, but | remembered, and
would not disobey you" "And Tommy
never tells lies, does her" mo, mamma
| couldn't go TO heaven" Then how
does Tommy happen to have on Jimmy
Browns shirt?"
"A good mother was trying to explain
to a young hopeful the other day about
fighting against the devil Aftr telling
the little fellow who the devil was, and
how hard he was to successfully resist he
turned around and said: mamma, Ia
be scared CT the old devil, but if ! was to
come across one Of his little devils I'd
knock the stnffi np ont Of him ~