The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-08-09
VARIETY.

You might as well attempt to shampoo an ele-
phant with thmble-ful of sOapsuds as to attempt
TO 10 business and ignore advertising.
Spicer says the only time he felt like real
estate owner was when he had the neuralgia, and
then he had over a dozen achers in his mouth.
CoMPLANED.-A four-year-old little boy re-
Gently complained that his teeth had 'trOd on
his tongue"
They DIFFm.-Men and women differ You
may, perhaps, convince a man, but you must
persuade woman.
An Iowa farmer spent several weeks in culti-
waiting mullen plants, under the suppOsitiOn that
they were tobacco. When ne learned the truth
he chewed the end Of his hOe-hande into splnters.
80 Lucy - writes from Brooklyn to say that she
don't object to Il good looking gentleman gazing
square in her face, but that it docs make her mad
when she looks back to see him staring back too.
The Vermont Ga=etie wants to know =. What
is the use of dOgs?" Let him wait until man
has hung around his Office for four days reading
the exchanges and profering good advice. and
he think of n use for dog.
OTHER OcCUPATION.-The man who fits shoes
in this life, expects to have other occupation in
the next, for he says the saints wear nothing but
robes Of glory, and if you go to the other place,
they are all clOyen-footed.
WOMAS's WoRTH.-RectOr's wife (who thinks
she has satisfactorily explained the doctrine of
regeneration n)-'' Now, my good boy, would not
you like to be regenerated, or born again?''
Good boy NO-aI" RectOr's wife" No, why
not?'' Good boy Fcar'd I mOight be born n
wench -
The retiring editor of paper in Clay county,
Kansas, prints the brief yaledictOry To the
readers of the Dispatch, / would say: If | have
said anything through the columns that | am
sorry for, am glad of it. To my friends, l thank
you for your liberality; and to my enemies, you
can 90 to the d"
LIBERAL Barnum has offered Dr.
Livingstone n splendid salary to stay in Africa
five years longer, and hunt wild animals for the
formers great show. Phineas is to board and
clothe the doctor, furnish him with ammunition
ard pay the express charges on all animals dead
alive, shipped to this country
A Young poet once asked Douglas Jerrold to
pass a candid criticism on two of his productions.
JerroId waited rather impatiently until his tor
mentor had concluded reading the first poem, and
then quickly exclaimed " / like your other
poem the best - But you have not heard 1t
read . That Is why prefer it.
1t being reported that Western member of
Congress had purchased n large tract of land and
was going into the vegetable business on an ex-
tensiYe scale, old lady of the neighborhood re-
marked 50 Well, he's had some useful experience,
for he's raised his own celery for the last two
years She was undoubtedly thinking of salary.
CARELESS CHANGING.-Owing TO the careless
changing of two labels by Peoria clerk, an old
lady in that city has been swallowing rheuma-
tism lniment three times day, and an old
gentleman has rubbed himself with blue pills until
he can slide up and down the side OF house,
when the weather changes, like thermometer
INITIAL APoLOGIzIxG-An Iowa clergyman
having sued for and obtained his salary, he was
arraigned before the church session, which found
rs follows - That the church did wrong in
failing to pay the pastor his salary; that the
pastor did wrong in suing the church that the
church should apologize to the pastor, and that
the pastor should apologize to the church.
Mr.. Burgess Davis, of Marion, Ark.-highly
coIored and very mad-pOsts the following notice
on the dOOr-pOsts and sign-bOards of that village.
He calls it his .. deyose.'' We quote from the
Memphis AraEaHche-
CAST OFF - PEGCA.'
marion Ark Crittenden County, May 81, 1873,
Notice is here BY given is in ten Days Notice.
that Pegga Davis is no more mine for she is
nothing but a Piecebraker for there is No getting
Along with her no ways that man can do and
Reather than to BE in trublc all the time Part
in Publect that it will be understood by all
People. MR- BrRDGEs DAVIS
ToIIemlche. IN HacyIHHatS 5, quotes the follow
ing from one of George Grote's private letters
It Is agreeable to me when q man talking To
me- will talk about himself 1t is the topic which
know from any other quarter. of course ne
may talk about himself in n tiresOme way, or to
excess; but SO he may about any other topic
When a man either talks or writes his own per-
sonaI experiences, YOU are pretty 10 learn
something: and if he does not know how to
make these interesting to hearers, he Will hardly
know how TO make outlying matters interesting.
Personally, dislike talking about myself; but
am rather pleased than otherwise when others IN
talking with me throw off that reserve y bril-
liant taIker like Nacaulay might be expected to