Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-12-04

Wit and Wisdon.
''OuR fellow.townsman, John Knox,
went galloping out of Centrevi1le on
pale horse last night, " is the gist Of
feeling obituary notice in . Iouisi-
ana paper.
"YER can't stuff that ere down this
chicken" from young lady in 1ndi-
ana, meant that she did not credit her
teachers statement that the sun il
larger than the earth.
"FArHER, are there any boys in Par.
liament2' "No, my son; why do
you ask that question:" "Because
the paper said the members kicked
Mr.. Browns Bill out of the House."
An Arkansas obituary notice: 81.
P, of Helena, on Monday, the Sd
inst, aged fourteen years. His last
words were 81 didn't know it was
loaded.'"
A PROSPEROUS Princeton, Ill.,, mer-
chant has for his motto, Early to bed
and early to rise, never get tight, and
advertise, let your wares be known if
you are wise"
"SAM," said one little urchin to
another, "does your schoolmaster ever
give you rewards of merit2" "Lots
of them" was the rejoinder; che gives
me thrashing every day, and says I
merit two.'
A DETECTED man on the corner, this
morning, announced to . couple of
friends that the panic was playing the
mischief with all branches of busi-
ness he never got fish yesterday.-
Danbu'y Nesos.
"MY DEAR" said the sentimental
Mrs. Wsddler, 'ehome you know, u tho
dearest place on earth" ssWell YETI
said the practical Mr.. Waddler, 1T
costs me about twice as much % any
other spot"
The other day a certain tailor sent
his bill to magazine editor. He was
startled few hours afterward by its
being returned, with . note appended,
saying, ttYour manuscript II respect
fully declined"
In what respect does q modern belle
surpass japanese nOblemans He can
only perform his own hari-kan once
for ali, while she can perform hliry.
carry for somebody else every day Of
her life. -.
An Arkansas Obituary notice-"J.
P. -, of Helena, on Monday, the
Sd inst, aged fourteen yearL His
last words were Il did not know it was
loaded" @-z -..-
GovERxEss treading)-" And he
would fain have filed his belly with
the husks that the swine did est"
Master Tom" But Why didn't he kill
a pig and make some bacon2"
A SHARP Toledo girl said of gentle
man to whom she had just been intro
duced, he would be very presentable if
the Lord hadn't turned up 30 much of
his legs to make feet of.
A A,mx1srER having preached very
long sermon, ~ his custom was, some
hours after asked . gentleman his opin-
ion of it He replied that ""Twas very
good, but it spoi1t . dinner worth two
of i'll"
Or miserly man Who died of soft
ening of the brain, local paper said,
His head gave away, but his hand
never did. His brain softened, but his
heart never could"
NV JERSEY people don't say "iar"
right out, but remark, "Sir, you re-
mind me of my lamented brother, who
ease"
"JuRY," said . Western Judge, "you
kin 60 out and find q verdict. If you
canf fnd one Of your own, get the one
the last jury used" The jury returned
q verdict of suicide in the ninth de-
gree
"WHY," asked q governess of her
little charge, s'do We pray God to give
us our daily bre.di Why don't ve
ask for four days, or five days. or
week" 1--WE want It fresh" replied
the ingenious child.
Ar prayer meeting in Maine, few
nights ago, one of the members
prayed, "Lord, Thou knovest that
Charles Tompkins has sold poor boots
to some of us. Make him do tho fair
thing by the next buyer"
LET the toast go round. Good Tenn
plar to Highland Coachman-.s Very
warm, Goodman; have . dropl"
Coachman-" Yes, Thank ye, sir.
(Drinks.) "Auch Oh! murderl am
poisoned! What's that Z" Coed Tenn
plar-" Only toast and water."
A YOUNG man from Grattan, not be-
ing very we'll acquainted with . Ger
tain middle aged man from Lowell,
called that middle aged man from Low
ell ''Ulisur," and then wiped the blood
off his nose with red pocket handker-
chief. s.
.'WHAr is that, child1en3" asked .
young pastor, exhibiting to his Sunday
School a magic lantern picture Of .
poor sinner clinging to cross towering
out of stormy waves in mid-ocean.
t' Robinson Crusoe F" was the instant
reply.
"WHEN was ut home I was one Of
the pillars of the church, but here In
Paris l can hardly be regarded rs q
brick" WAS the remark Of an American
lady when discussing the tendency to
almost wholly disregard the Sabbath
in France.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL TEAcHER, explain
ing the first chapter of Genesis, asked:
s Why did God command them to leave
the fruit of one tree untoucheda" A
dead silence. At last Z little girl spoke
up and said: "Please; marn, / think
he wanted to leave some for manners!"
"Iris very large church, but they
could hear distinctly in the back pew"
said friend, speaking Of . sanc4ua1y:
So is my church very large" replied
Dr.. s., "but the trouble is I don't talk
to the back pews, Is there il never any
body in them" ,..a
The Auburn News says: !" The ex-
pensive Chenango Extension Canal il
to be finally abandoned, and the tow
path utilized by the construction OF .
railroad over : portion of it, length.
The line in which this makes IN i'm
portant link is intended to form an
other and shorter outlet from the BIT
luminous coal fields of Pennsylvania,
and thus is of general importance as
affording further competition with the
anthracite monopolies."
THE Portsmouth (N. H. Journal ne
cords the result of q case of " casting
bread upon the waters" An ex-engi-
neer of the Eastern railroad, from
Nowb,,rvnorf II aava hanranin0 To he