The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1873-09-11
HUMOROUS.

d. olVeH IcHIoHnlThleu VIII HOtncfb
against the practice Of sleeping with
their children's toes in their mouths,
that We have little sympathy for this
woman. Sooner or later the catastrophe
II sure TO come. No woman should
ever sleep with her babes toe in her
mouth, unless she has false teeth which
can be removed, or the toe can be wrap.
ped in sheet-iron.
Bon - is well known about Quincy,
Michigan, as a great trader, and one Of
the wealthiest men in the township
One day he vas %endeavoring to trade NJ
Old gold watch for a horse, when the
party Of whom he proposed to get the
wcather-gaugc asked him how many
carats fine the watch.casc was. Bob,
thinking TO enhance the value, said he
believed it was scyenty-fye. "That
can't be, replied the man, for twenty
tour carats is the standard for gold. 4"
We'll, mebbe there amt" said Bob,
" but the watch has all the carrots they
ST"
The GUlSA HgS.-The guina hen IL
Il spckled k~ritter, smaller than the
goose and bigger than the wild pigeon.
They hav a keen eye, and a red kokadc
on their heds, and alwas walk on the
run. They lay eggs in CRATE p%rofushun,
bat they lay them so much on the sly
that they often cant find them them
sells. They are ~ frcckled M a coach
dog, and just about AZ tuT to eat M Il
half-biled krow. They hay a voice like
Il piccalIO flute, and f,r racket two oy
them ken make n saw that IL being filed
ashamed Of itself. They are a very sly
bird, and the nearer yu git tcw them
tine further they git oph. They are
more ornamental than useful, but are
chiefly good tew brighten away hawks.
They will see a hawk up in the sky
three miles and a half of, and begin at
once tew holler and make a fuss about
it.-Iosh Bihings.
INCLDENT.-Mr. Shaw, the NEEDLE Of
amateur theatricaIs, says he saw a New
York rough step into n Dutch candy
and bcer-shop recently, when this con
vcrsatlon took place 81 say, Johnny,
you o of a gun, give us II mug of
bee-a. D,' hear ?" "Yah, yah-herc
it ish, answered the Dutchman, briskIy
handing up a foaming glassfuI. "WaaI,
naow, Civ us mother mug, old Swit2er-
case y The Cherry street boy drank
off the second glass and started to 90
out, when the Dutchman shouted,
4" Here, you pays me de monish What
for you run away ?" "You pays dc
monish What do you take me for?
! { oan't pay for any thing. I'm "A peel
that's the kind of "A man / ann"
" You ish Won tam sneakinP, low-Iived
scoundrcl Of Il thicf-that's the kind of
a man | am ~ shrieked the Dutchman
between his teeth, rs the Cherry street
boy shunled off toward another beer.
shop.
WHEN Murphy first bought his farm
in Lancaster county he was not aware
that all the water on the premises was
imprcgnated with IRON. But
when he drank that chalybcate water
for five or six months his system was 80
thoroughly charged with iron that when
he would wake up in the morning he
would find that the bcdstead had grad
unlly shifted around during the night
until the head POINTED north. And the
,hildren's beds all performed the same
nancuycr. Without taking warning by
his occurrence, the family continued to
rink the water until one fatal evening,
Mrs. Murphy had been housc.cleaning,
md that night she and Murphy and the
children lay down in the same room.
No sooner were they in n horizontal
position than all their heads swung
around suddenly to the northern end of
he chamber to where the stove stood,
md the next instant the whole five of
hem were drawn violently against the
not stove, and held there by magnetic
attraction. Murphy suffered worst be
H. was bald, but Mrs. Murphy
md the children lost every hair on their
reads, and when the family sold out
md moved away every member of it
balder than all the other Murphv's
hat ever wore n scalp.
Wilson had a theory that there was
in the idea that II bull would
'ecome enraged Mt the sight of II red
ag, but he firmly believed that the
kind of animal could he fright !
ned by opening nm umbrella in their
ICES. He determined to prove the
nth of this doctrine when he was mt
the other day, and selecting a l.
al flannel shirt and an umbrella, he r
imbcd over into a field and advanced, y,
aving the shir at the the bull. Since
on Wilson has said that he had no
"A bull could run ut the rate of a in
lie a minute, but anyhow this one did
t consume much time in approaching u
ilson, and he consequently dropped
. shirt and tried to raise hisumbrella.
mellow the catch wouldn't work, and
the bull was not aware of the neces.
y for the delay, it became uncom- !
My sociable on the spot, and the 81
It moment Mr.. Wilson was perform 90
We
\ fantasy on two horns, at the end X
which he In on the other side of tho AK