Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-02-21
II UMOR

'Alwsys; are you minister's wife :! "Oh.
no; am not married. said the lady, blush
ing. Daughter then 2 Mo- The sales
man looked puzzled. I'm engaged to
theological student said she. The reduc-
tion was made.
A rural editor, lamenting the death Of
zone of the best advertisers and subscribers
we ever had" thus touchingly concludes bis
obituary eulogy: "He possessed the love,
confidence and esteem OF ali who knew bin,
and some who did net, and, save slight
poker debt to Mr.. -, did not owe cent
in the world"
An absent minded man entered Troy
shoe store the other day, and wanted his boy
measured for pair OF shoes ''But where's
the boy ? Thunder! said the man, Nv
left the boy at home. I'll go and get him,
and off he started for his home. six blocks
away.
A French inventor recently made pub
lie trial Of boots designed to aid one to walk
on the wstr. Nothing ever foated more
beautifully than those boots did, but th'
trifing circumstance that they foatel wrong
side up nearly caused the inventors death
Mr.. Buster is an opponent Of free schools
from ''princiEls L." He goes ag'in education.
not because of its unconstitutioualty, bu'
because it's unnatural. Ignorance is ma
tur', he says. We are born ignorant, and
ought to be kept So
A Title boy who sang, I want to be at
angel, in Sunday school with SO much ener.
gy that be almost choked himself, confessed
to an enterprising reporter that ne really
wanted to be captain on canal boat.
Ben Butt sileoced Credit Mobler Gar.
field in the H ,use of Representatives O,
Wednesday by CONTEMPORARY retorting:
"What. attack you? No! De mortuis na
nisi bonuna."
A gentleman was introduced to young
lady recently, and addressed her as fellows:
'Whare do you live when at home? T.
which she replied: When I'm at home l
live there
A young lady on board packet ship
hearing the captain, during storm, orde'
the mate to haul down the sheets, mmedi
ately sprang from her bunk and jumped
overheard.
A wise physician once said, I observe
that every one wishes to 60 to heaven. but !
observe also that most people are willing t r
take good deal of disagreeabls medicine
first.
How pleasant is lovely thing little out
of season "a rosebud 10 winter, for instance,
or kiss 10 church when the deacon's eyes
closed Stol en- apples don't begin with it
A Toledo femsle tainted when t,ld that
over 500, 900 men died last year, but was
revived by the information that there were
$4,000, 600 left.
A Detroit paper says Mr.. George Darrell
committed suicide because disappointed in a
love affair. He couldn't bear the thought
of remaining single Barr IL.
There is said to be woman in California
who is 1877 years old. Her parents cap
point to her with pride as specimen OF
their success in raising children.
"Husband, can't think where that boy
got his bad temper. l am sure, not fr n
me- No, my dear, for don't find that you
have lost any
An old lady. hearing somebody say that
the mails were very irregular. said: "I'
was just so in my young days-no trusting
on EN-"
After the chaplain of the Wisconsin Statt
Prison bad taught convict how to write,
the fellow forged an order by which he madt
his escape.
Jacob Price, of Lancaster, Penn, lost
his nose 10 fight the other day. 1t was a
priceless nose, but now he is a noseless
Price.
\ Bridgeport, Conn, man who feared
the smallpox, refused to receive teegraphic
dispatch tie other day because it came
A large proportion of the sheep in the
northwest are going to the dogs, because a
F. large proportion of the dogs are going for
the sheep.
When the sheriff at Helena, Arkansas,
has warrant for a desperate. he shoots
him and then serves the warrant on the
body. &-
Fifteen lies to the square inch represent
the editorial power Of Kansas City news
paper if its rival is to be believed.
The only man who ever had any reputs-
ton for honesty in Utah t'wn is now in
Jail for stealing drove of cattle.
A Connecticut candy party set bucket
of hot molasses in the yard to cool, and en-
trapped their hosts family cat.
Among ladies in London. writes a fash.
ionable correspondent, there is Dc rfeot rage
for black silk stockings.
The young ladies Of Vassar College have
formed an anti-talling-i love. before you.
are out-of-school club
A very good way to muzzle dog i. to
Mace the muzzle behind his ear and pull the
trigger.
IF you make 'bustle in the world"
take 1--WE newspapers and piece Of tape
They have had good weather for slayinp
in New York Of late. Three murders have
been reported since the LIST Of January.
Cincinnati has clergyman whose warl-
robe was sufficiently extensive to have three
oyercoats stolen from it.
In Oregon. since the commencement o.
the Modoc war, bald-headed men are sub
iects of envy.
Defraudipg revenue collectors are impaled
m stakes in Tunis Here they usually walk
off with the stakes.
How to turn p~oTle's heads--COme into
church late in thick boots.