The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-10-18
THE PACIFIC
Commercial A0Ocrtlsft,
S4TERDAY. c IL
The Garden Hose.


for Us: and another i. harp hangs upon the
willow. Only this isn't Q harp. but hose
garden hose We INDUCED in sweet visions early
IN spring, with reference 70 keeping " the
grounds irrigated with APPARATUS 3" LET
drought come, - we triumphantly exclaimed. 4 we
shall hose every flower that thirsteth. We
sodded quite extensively for US, ana reserved
certain selected spots for floral display-Jheu We
bought the hose. We found launching the insti-
tuition attended with mechanical difficulty. Sew
eral expeditions had to be made by express 10
change the hose u lit our faucets. Then the
plumber had 10 come and alter the faucets to TT
the hose. In these experimental moments, we
had occasion TO study the immense squirting
capacity Of water not properly regulated. II is
astonishing how soon YOU can deluge the kitchen,
and what aptitude there is for getting hit in the
eye, and all over your clothes by Maynard leaks
from an uncertain machine. Science triumphed
at last, and the hose worked to 4 charm. Ii was
as tight as q drumhead, and played magnifcently.
and we opened q vigorous sprinkling campaign.
Two things we ascertained early. that the femi-
nine head of the family considered it her preroga-
tive TO superlntend the watering business. and
getting wet was 4 fOreordained part of this trans
action. No matter how well your hose is jointed,
you will be ducked and drenched in the opera
ton this is q matter OF the higher law
From the bay window we received our orders
a. don't play so hard on the verbenas - put
more water on the vines - Z why don't you soak
the grass?' why on earth do you wet the
paths?' Finding that we were not likely to do
this thing right anyhow, and being q little tired
of playing "second fiddle" we retired from
active operation for q few days and let the boys
take a hand at it. If you want to destroy the
serenity of q neighborhood, the quickest way is
to let a boy work 4 garden hose. In the first
place he wants to water the street, to the peril of
travellers, instead of combining his labors to the
inside of the fence. Then all the other boys
within n mile seem to know the fact, and they
swarm like flies around the youthful representa-
tive of rain. Their. a struggle commences. The
boy of the house lets his companions have it in
the face; they ~retaliate by stamping over the
flowers, and stepping on the hose to prevent the
flow of the liquid, and q general row ensues,
only to be suppressed by Madame in q majestic
state of indignation, who finally succeeds in dis
persing the rebels, and proudly bears away the
insulted instrument to its place of repose in the
back shed. We are Informed when we arrive
home that all the children of the neighborhood
left our premises in 4 condition of immersion,
and 90 never while she lives, is that hose to be put
again in the custody of bOysi" When we I'M
dertake to water the next time, we are nervously
conscious that our efforts do not meet the expect
atoms of the presiding angel OF the household.
She can stand our incapacity no longer, and
comes out in a rural straw hat, and says, @ let
me show you how to do it; men are so awk-
ward - She grasps the hose as a woman is apt
to grasp a pistol, as though she was a little afraid
it might go off suddenly, and the nozzle having a
limp, downward tendency, fires away very near
her tidy slipper. Mercy! - she utters, and
rectifying the range with Il quick upward move
ment, she takes the lady in white muslin, ring
ing the bell at the next door, with q perfect 90 line
shot" Dropping the hose, she begs pardon in
the incest manner, remarking that "Mr. -
has been using the hose, and got it so out Of
order it behaves shamefully." We sneak into
the house, with n weight on our minds, and at
night we dream that for some terrible offence we
hove hooH copEonoo1 - e~,S1IIo A. Io-o,A ~
Sahara with a garden hose. Suffering under the
scorching rays of 4 tropical sun, and alarmed at
the appearance of Arabs and bowling dervishes
that dance round us, at the sight of water we
shrek in our midnight agony. We are awakened
from our nightmare to be informed " that we
have made fuss and trouble enough during the
day not to make the night hideous." Any one
wishing to procure a first class garden hose, in
perfect working order, warranted to squirt cor
rectly when used by the proper parties, can buy
one cheap of us, on condition they will exercise
it in another county.-[Atter Dinner.
The Jesuits expelled from Germany have in part
found a new home in Lancashire, England. After
they had wandered through France, Belgium, and
England, the brothers Stapleton placed an estate
at their disposal, and the fathers at once established
a convent, with nearly one hundred inmates.
Other colonies of German Jesuits have established
themselves in North Wales.
A drunken fellow wandered into a Sunday School
uAN OOh " SSot WIN AWC llHAiCl cIiiOlilcs HbSn tAC
teacher thus accosted him: Why, James, do you
know what condition you are in?2 Yes, MN;
in the gall of bit'ness an bonds of 'niquity. Ask
me some hard quesh'ns."
To THE DEVIL HE WOULD Go.-That chronic rev
olutionist and iconoclastic malcontent, Joseph
Garibaldi is again out in eulogy of the Paris Com
mune and the International Society. He says:
If the devil were to found q society for the pur-
pose of putting down sovereigns and priests |
would proudly enroll myself in its ranks.
Jou;Sv;Uab hoe ,,Dui+t;,rlv committed ;f-olF VI, 9,
grand temperance reform by voting to send DRINKS
home instead of to the lookup. Not even the
most confirmed inebriates require second treat
ment. They generally come out about the third
day, q little more bald, and with a scared look
about the eyes that tells of the Christening influence
of a good Christian home.
The Pail Nall Gazette says: During the disturb
ance at Pernambuco, growing out of the measures
taken by the Brazilian bishops against Free Masons,
a Jesuit college was broken into and the sacred
pictures destroyed, the cOnfessionals scattered, and
of the reverend Fathers beaten, one of whom
died from the blows received. The Office of the
Bishops newspaper was entered and the materials
thrown out Of the windows and the papers burned.
Nothing more distinctly marks the progress of
Ideas IN Asia than the spread OF periodical
literature in the native languages of that continent.
The Chinese not only have a large number of
newspapers, but also support a monthly magazine,
which discusses current subjects of interest. The
Japanese are still better supplied with periodical
literature, while according to Chambers' Journal,
in India, where at the beginning of the present
century there were not more than five newspapers.
there are not less than three hundred and fiji
teen, of which sixty-eight are English. t~hirty-six in
the dialect which passes as English among the ma
lives. and two hundred and eleven are in the ma
languages. One of these latter, sold at retail
Tor about half 4 cent q number. is supposed to be
the cheapest newspaper in the world.
One of the Washington administration organs,
in abiding to the third term question, says by
so far as the President IS concerned.
t can be said with entire truth that no one has
heard from his lips the slightest whisper on
The subject, and we do not believe that q single
one of his friends, advisers or supporters ever be
slowed a thought upon the matter until it became
1 subject of speculation and comment in the jour
nails referred 10. While the administration OccD-