Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-09-25
BREvITIES.

"
A MINNESOTA town has subscribed
! $500 to aid in the establishment OF faro
| bank.
A PADUCAH man drowned hlmseli
rather than go to the penltentlary 1or SIX
months.
A FISH caught at Dubuque was four feet
long and weighed fifty-nlne ana one-hal1
pounds.
AN editor saws no man who had paid
regularly for his newspaper was ever BIT
by mad dog.
A BALTIMORE boy thought he was gov
erned too much, and he hid In the cellar
for fourteen days.
THE Siamese twins have been sum-
moned to sit on jury They will sit
| next to each other.
LEATHER made from the skin of the
! white whale is now regular article of
manufacture at some of the villages in
| Canada.
IMMENSE clouds of grasshoppers are
moving southwark from Utah, because
there they couldn't Utah-lize their craving
appetites.
IT is said that Captain Jack is in de
cline. Let his friends take heart. He will
soon undergo rise that will be most
hemphatlc remedy.
A PENNSYLVANIA girl went blackberry
ing five weeks ago, and when heard from
the other day was keeping house with her
husband, in Georgia.
"WHEN a man pawns his watch he's a
pawnee, isn't he, and when he's Pawnee
| he's an Indian, isn't he?" is the kind OF
sOphistry used in Kansas.
JOSHUA NICHOLSON, who expired under
administrative circumstances lately IN
Baltimore, was a bigamist. He cheated
| the gal, if not the gallows.
A FOND DU LAC man has invented
machine which harvests wheat, threshes
it and bags it, ready for market, but he
can't bring it into use this year.
| A MAN near Dubuque harvested fifty
acres of wheat alone, alternately cutting,
binding, and shocking. He cut, bound,
| and shocked five acres in one day.
EVEN man with wart on his nose
| has rights in Baltimore Mr. Johnson, of
| that city, lately recovered $500 from
man who spoke of him as 'Warty John
SON"
BOURBoNs weak and Bourbons strong,
| says Berlin journal, are about to ANAL
| gamate. Weak Bourbon and strong water
| is the fusion in vogue on this side of the
ocean.
THERE is nothing like exact statements.
Hence, it is not reported that five inches
of rain have fallen in Boston since Au-
| gust came in. The fall was only 4.999
inches.
A MISSIONARY is wanted for Northern
Mexico who can ride on horseback all
day in the sun, sleep on the ground, and
live on sour milk, cheese and red
pepper.
THE Nevada Cinnamon working among
the mines never labor after four o'clock in
the afternoon, having firm belief that at
that hour the angels leave earth for
heaven.
THE Romeo (Mich) Observer says a man
in the township of Almont Graded eight
acres of wheat between sun and sun on a
bet Of 5000 He won the bet and had an
hour to spare.
A LOUISIANA sheriff feared that two
prisoners in his custody would be lynched
and hung in a bungling manner, and so
ran them off a bridge, and gracefully
drowned them.
A VICKsBURG bank cashier paid man
$500 too much and not being able to find
the man, and having no money to make
the loss good, leaped into the river and
drowned himself.
A LITTLE four year old girl looked at
the rainbow with great attention. recently,
and then suddenly exclaimed: Mamma,
dess bod is doing to play croquet, He's
dot his wicket set.''
THEY have a judge in Kansas who
fined a lawyer for saying " sic transit"
The official thought it was swearing, and
remarked Indignantly, that nobody should
" sick him in that court
AT a candy-pull, recently, the two-gal-
lon pot full of blazing liquid was put out
in the yard to cool, while the jollity went
on inside. The cats corpse was removed,
and the candy given to the poor.
A MAN at Lansingburg, n Y, wagered |
that he could jump fifty feet and he won
the money by jumping off a building |
The satisfaction of knowing that the |
idiot broke his neck is withheld.
A ScoTT COUNTY KY, negrcss is suing
Benjamin Osborne, a white man, for kill |
ing her husband, laying her damages at |
$4,000. Osborne has been committed, |
without bail, to answer the charge.
THE St. Paul papers assert that there
is a gigantic pine land ring in Minnesota,
which sold 100000 feet OF timber from |
the public lands last year, without the |
State receiving any benefit therefrom.
A GALENA, H., man went to the GENE
terry, dug up his fathers grave stone, and |
offered it for sale to marble-cutter. The
Gazette triumphantly adds, as challenge |
to the world, Bring on your mean men!'
A SOUTHWESTERN man, speaking of
wOman's rights, says there is but one
trade open to the gentle sex, and that trade |
is marriage. The lecture business has
always been pretty good trade for wo-
men.
Mr. LABELLE, of Vermont, is eighty
years old, and for many years he was
bald-headed. Now new crop of black |
hair is budding, and new set of natural |
white teeth are inviting him to take |
chew
THE most thoroughly ventilated man in
Oswego, says Kansas paper, is a horse
thief whom the boys followed around for |
while He has nineteen buckshot holes |
in his left breast and twenty-one in his |
left arm.
A RESIDENT of Maine complains that
the weather probabilities ~ are posted |
in their appointed place so late after they
arrive that the usual question among
farmers is, What is the weather going to |
be yesterday9'
THE sparrow is the cause of sundry
legal proceedings in England. Evil |
minded persons catch sparrows, paint