The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-19


attend to the sick and let the well alonc,-N. y
HuR
The Dixon Telegraph very properly remarks
No LEGISLATURE, except the last one before thlT
has blessed Illinois with such busy session
The members have been busy IN an cndeaNor u
ret all they could out Of their railroad passes 10y
travelling about, principally from sprlhghcu It
their homes"
r This applies particularly to those who were
absent when the river appropriation bill came W
and was defeated by two votes. La Sale county
was thus Soqllf mt by one such member
We were greatly pleased to receive cav IRON
our agricultural friend, {, ii. HOOK, OF otln"o
on Wednesday last. lie had ms pocheis iu lux ~
c1rcqu.b,r p,t,kjR squash and turnip seeds whlci
he distributed among his farmer friends III Town
/ la Sale Press.
Mr.. Hook is writing n book on what Il know
about farming" 1t will be in rhyme lie ha'
worked two months upon it with the following
result
NV namc Is Charlie Hook,
And my little hoe I've took,
And I'm workin' awful savage
In my gardng sass and cabbage;
And I'm doing mighty deeds
In Il sashing down Of weeds
The editor Of childrcns paper in Chicago re-
ceiyed a letter from lady subscriber recently
in which was "Our little Anna dicd iaSt wecH,
after reading the last number of your 'aiuapie
paper"
There was none Of this Charley Hook poetry
in the paper either
The Corning G,,7cttc says that there are at pres
ent but four young men in that town who part
their hair in the middle. One year ago they
numbered over twenty, but death and the lunatic
asylum and penitent!ary have cut down their
number to the present figure.
The Woodford Sentinel, speaking OF a man and
wife occupying the same cell IN the county JAN
Of Woodford county, adds that This gives room
for much gossip"
When il has become that man and his wife
cannot occupy the same room without creating
ros,ip, what will become Of sensitive pcopley
Under these painful circumstances, wouldn't
Matamora be good place to emigrate FROM
Obituarv-Hcnry Snidcr, Of Noble, Ind, is the
last Iunatic who expended the very last chest full
of wind he possessed in ascertanng whether ms
gun was loaded or not The owl that Snider
would have pcppercd had he lived IA few moments
longer, winkcd at the noise, and then flew away
to ponder on the uncertainty Of the human toe
as a means Of holding back gun trigger.
Partisan gunmaker has the following notice
outside Of his window: "1O those Disappointed
in Love ~ Great Choice Of Patent Rcvovcrs.
n BIN the case Is all the apparatus necessary
for extracting the ball and dressing the wound"
We have applied to the above parties for the
weapons and the hall cxtractors to be used when
we fight that duel with our Morris piano whanger
one Whitney.
The revenge which one woman wreaks upon
another is sometimes terrible. We have never
rcnd of "A more exquisite piece OF torture than
that which one French actress threatened to in
hct on another actress The recently quarrcled
Said one: take care. The last time you put
me into passion took only your husband from
you; but mean now to take your lover"
It takes Il woman to be cruel. This would be
the excess OF torture Take husband from a
woman aud she can live, but rob her of her lover
and then YOU make her angry 1t is no trouble
t o get husband, but hard to get lover.
Somebody has written work entitled Useful
Hints for Ugly Girls" The book has the smallest
circulation of any literary production in the Uni
ted Statcs--Terre Haute Mall,
There is not copy in circulation in Ottawa.
We have no ugly girls herein their own
estimation.
The Jackson (Miss) Clarion wants a new name
for Colfax county in that State. suppose it be
called "ApOllO," whose name Is associated with
the most renowned Tyres Of classic antiquity
Cincinnati EnYurer,
scientific" predicts that the whole human
lace will eventually turn into birds.-Er.
Radical or black republican editors should be
crows or black birds There is a bird called the
BOBBY: The editor of the Ottawa Republican will
be saved the trouble Of turning, however.
The obituarian who jerks sweet poetry for the
Philadelphia Leiyer had Il rough time In making
a rhyme for the too prevalent disease Of the sea.
son, but finally produced the following:
Our little Sallic did to Heaven 20,
Baby life so fleet Is;
She was afflicted with the cercbro-
Spinal meningitis.
It's hard to lose our little Sallie so,
But the reflection sweet Is,
That she has gone where there's no ccrehro-
Spinal meningitis.
The rhyme Is as bad a. the disease, and has
probably killed the poet.
Up to the hour Of going to press, Wednesday,
. T. NJ, we haven't received the Guard. What's
the mattcrY You Amt (hic) sick, are you, neigh
Reporter.
Whht WOulu the Reporter lhhlIuutc'
A lady Of our city, who is rather inclined TO
spirituaisu, lost four months infant daughter
4 short time ago. Since then the mother often
feels its hand touching and playing about her,
Occasionally she feels the lips of the child nurs-
ng II spirits so young as this can be weaned
we think 1t ought TO be done.-Ncw albany
Ledger
MY yoke is easy and by burden is light" IA 4
Heor gla youth said when his girl was sitting on
his lap with her arms around his neck.
Just wait a while and see If that fellow don't
change his tune.
Dixon genius, whose domestic affairs are so
arranged As to keep his brain lively, has invented
a substitute for Kerosene for kindling fires The
principal ingredient Is nitro gycerinc. 1t is more
sudden than Kerosene and there are generally no |
funeral expenses, the remains" are so slight and
thoroughly STANDARDIZATION Herald
1t is reported that Portland (MeD gentleman.
who had heard unfayorablc reports Of the mis- |
chieyous proclyitics Of the boys at an adjacent
village, had occasion to visit the village In ones
ton and, after making a tour of 1t in safety met
an acquaintance, 10 whom he related his i'll |
founded suspicious, adding that he had not even |
"A hay oAh said his friend