The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-09-13
VARIETY.

What goes most against a farmers gram His
rcaping machine
Smiggins says that his idea of n grain elevator
is realized in rye whiskey.
A Maine farmer has put up OH his land sign
reading No Gun IN aloud Hear
IT Is THE ONE.-Marriage is the one act Of n
mans life that least concerns other people yet 1t
is the one act with which other people most con-
Germ themselves.
An Irishman, arrested for mhIcting black eye
upon q compatrIOt, pleaded that he only threw 4
bit of water Mt him, but aftcrward admitted that
the water was frozen.
DTvOKCEs.-One of the papers reports divorces
under the heads - Marriage Links Broken -
- Love Bonds which have Become Hateful
Shackles' -
A girl presenting herself for 4 situation at Il
house where - no Irish need apply in answer TO
the question where she came from, said Sure,
couldn't We persaye by me accint that it's Frinch
l am
The following unique notice appeared in one of
the New York papers lately For sale-a first
class seyen-and-a-half octave piano, the property
of n lady about to travel with 4 rosewood case
and carved legs
When the Shah met Queen Victoria, he kissed
her with perfect delicacy and grace, and said that
hitherto he had recorded his years from the day of
day of his meeting the Queen of England
PRIVILEGE REsCINDED.-A young man who
enjoys the sObriquet of e. Frank" IN parting
with young lady recently, endeavored to impress
his customary kiss, when she fOrcibly pushed
back his head and said No sir, YOU don't
the franking privilege is abolished" "
In the course of proof in the court Of
sessions, learned junior counsel was attempting
to break down witness upon point of time,
and in doing 80 asked her. Why are you so
certain rs to the date? DO you keep diary ?''
To which she replied No sir, / keep 4 public
house
y Western farmer, 1t Is reported, refused to
look at Z simple sewing machine recently, as he
always - sOwed wheat by hand He is said TO
De related to the man who did not want thresh-
ing machine on his farm - for said he, - give
me harness tag or n barrel staye. and | can
make my family toe the mark according to law
and Scripter.'
LOST To SYMPATHETIC FEELINC.-A Georgia
paper says The girl who can sit and smile at
young man with q mosquito on the back of his
neck, while drove Of fcas are playing lelp-frOg
around her garters. must indeed be lost TO all
sympathetic feelings. But such has been the
case. For she who enjoyed the misery We expe-
ricnced with this bug ON our back, caught 10 full
grown heas out Of her stockings Immediately upon
her return home.
trre1E ClrcumlOCutlOu Is necessary IN NeYaQI
before traveller can secure dinner at hotel. One
rode up to a country inn recently and demanded
dinner, and fired ut the host, killing guest The
host shot back, wOunding boy. y merchant
then joined in and shot the travellers horse, when
the traveller killed saloon keeper. This ended
the shooting for a time, and the landlord was
hurryIng up dinner when the stranger was taken
out and hung
\ young Englishnan, by learning little
tiOn through service as n LAWYERS clerk. cot out
of breach of promise case very nicely. He paid
his addresses chiefly by letter and in the most
poetic strain TO a very pretty girl; but the ingeni
Gus young man invariably signed himself Be
lieve me, my own dearest, divinest, Quickest An
gelina, your fOndest, most devoted (but without
prejudice) Tommy" Angelina didn't understand
the legal phrase; but 1t saved Thomas
\ waggish journalist, who is often merry over
his personal painness, tells this story of himself
- went once 70 drug store for dose OF NOR
phine for 4 sick friend. The night clerk objected
to giving it to me without prescription, fearing
| was going to kill myself. Pshaw, said |, do L
look ike 4 man who would destroy himself?
Gazing steadily at me ne replied. don't know.
Seems to me if L looked like you l should be
greatly tempted to kill myself
You never know the latent in L washstand till
you try TO move just To look ut it. one
would think it could be moved with all the crock
cry on it, but when you pick it up, the washboWl
and pitcher waltz around, so that you obliged
TO set them down TO avoid fracture. Then the
drawer comes out and spills everything you have
lost in three months, all the floor, and when
you get on that side to keep the drawer in, the
doors fly open and bark your shins. When you
get to the door all the corners hit promiscuOusy,
and you get the SKIN knocked off from three
knuckles of one hand; but that makes you just