The Hickman courier., 1873-07-19
HUMOROUS.
SIC TRANsrT-That across the ocean.
WHEN Shakespeare wrote about pa

/ OOcVOTS paIlenbS NO. HOW 90 you
know he didn't? Because you always
! find them under a monument.
! A NEW terror is added to dreams as
the picnic season approaches. What
awful visions of piles of ham-sandwiches
to be made, and legions of lost spoons
haunt the slumbers of women.
A MAN who fell into vat of boiling
lard and got out alive, says it was not
an unpleasant sensation after the first
moment, but he thought what a mighty
queer-shaped doughnut he would make.
A FASHIONABLE young lady accidently
! dropped one of her false eyebrows in
her Opera-box the other evening, and
| greatly frightened her beau, who, on
seeing it, thought it was his mustache
AyouNG man who pI.ded himself ON
his mental qualifications, once speaking
of the advantages of these, remarked,
"What is better than a good educa-
ton ?" Common sense, you fool
you," quickly responded one of his
hearers.
a PORTLAND man was caught fishing
for trout on another mans land the
other day; the owner demonstrated, but
retired in silence before the majestic
answer; Who wants to catch your
trout? Tn only trying to drown this
worm"
Two little girls were lately prattling
together, and one OF them said, owe
keep four servants, have got six horses,
and lots of carriages now what have
you got % With quite as much pride,
the other answered, "We've got a
| skunk under our barn"
A YOUNG lady teacher in a Lawrence
Sunday-school caught boy smiling
last Sunday Said she /: g What are
you smiling at, Johnny ?" Nothing,
num- was the answer. 81 know bet
ter said the teacher severely; now
tell me what it was" Johnny looked
| frightened as he stutteringly said, 81
-I-s-see yer n-newspaper s-sticking
out mum" The teacher sat down sud-
denly and arranged things.
THE WooDKoK.-The woodkok IL ov
them kind ov birds who kan git up
| from the ground with about az much
whizz, and about az bizzy az fire.
cracker, and fly away as crooked az a
korkscrew. They feed on low, wet
lands, and only eat the most delikate
things. They run their tungs down
into the soft earth, and gather tender
and tiny food. They hav a long, slen-
der bill, and rich brown plumage,
and when they light on the ground yu
loose sight ov them az quick NJ yu do
ov drop ov water when it falls into
mill-pond. The fust thing yu generally
fsee ov woodkok IL a whizz, and the
last thing IL whirr. How so many ov
them iz killed on the wing IL a mystery
G nc. for it IL a quicker Job than
/ nav shot at them often, but never
heard oy my killing one ov them yet.
They are one ov the game birds, and
menny good judges think they are the
most elegant vittles that wear feathers.
Josh Billings.
THE PATRIDGE.-The partridge IL
also game bird. Their game il tew
drum on log in the spring ov the year,
and keep both eyes open, watching the
sportsmen.
Patridges are shot ON the wing, and
are az easy to miss az a ghost IL.
It il phun enuff to see the old bird
hide her yung brood when danger IL
near. This must be seen; it kant be
described and make emmy boldly believe
it.
The partridge, grouse, and pheasant
are cousins, and either one ov them
straddle . gridiron natural enuf to hav
bin born thare.
Take couple ov yung patridges and
pot them down, and serve up with the
right kind ov chorus, and they beat the
ham sandwich yu buy on the Camden
and Amboy railroad S74 per cent.
hav eat theze lamenatble Nu Jersey
ham sandwich, and must say that pre-
fer a couple ov bass-wood chips, soaked
in mustardwater, and stuck together
with Spaldings glue.-,Josh Billings.
THE New Orleans Picayune says cit
is, we believe, a remarkable fact that
there seems more youths in the south
ern states receiving military education
than in the northern states. There are
very few private military institutions in
the northern states. West Point, there
fore, embraces larger number of the
youth who receive military education at
the north. We see in an account of the
proceedings which took place at West
Point, graced by the president and
secretary of war, there were but II |
graduates. We are satisfied there are |
several times as many graduates this |
year from the different military institu-
tions in the southern states. The mil
itary institution at Lexington, Virginia,
alone, vies with West Point in the num-
Der of its graduates.
Mr.. SAMUEL BLACK of Essex county, |
Ontario, has very pretty daughter
who caused him world of trouble by |
her willful preference for Charles |
Wigle, highly improper young man |
of that vicinity Last week the cou-
pie went off on two days steamer ex-
cursion, apd the father, declaring that |
he couldn't leave his corn and potatoes
to run after that girl half his time, met |
them at the landing on their return and |
shot Wigle dead.
FATHER HAYAcINTHE has now coad- |
jutor at Geneva, in the person of the |
Able Hurtault, canon of Tours, and |
formerly secretary to the present arch |
bishop of Paris. The able has pub |
lished a letter, In which he states that
Catholicism is now becoming as disas- |
trous to society as to the individual
A MAN named Dunlop remarked that |
he had never heard his name punned |
upon, and did not believe it could be |
done. There is nothing in the world
so easy, sir, remarked a punster. Just
lop off half the name, and it is Dun.
A1