The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

parties they lind II necessary To hang their leet
ON the outside of the box and then if we are
10 believe the Sentinel, the fence on either side
of the road is in danger of being torn down by
the hanging feet coming in contact with the
posts.
Recently proof-Shect of the list of members
of the Michigan House of Representatives,
was given out on which corrections were to be
made if any were discovered. Soon after the
compiler of the Manual received Il note from
one of the single men: lin proOfsheet OF
Manual in House, | see you say am married.
Please correct, or send the woman around, ana
oblige."
A Montreal chimney sweep undertook to IA
Cilitatc matters by pouring in powder. The
experiment was Il terrific success in the opinion
of a Coroner who viewed the remains of large
family
The American eagle will still roost on the
silver dollar so the Senate has voted; butmany
will never have ocular proof that such is the
case.
The editor of the Lancaster, Pa, Express
tells this story, but he never writes under oath:
A wife of nearly ten years, having given her
servant "A holiday was attending to culinary
matters herself, and hearing her husband COM
inc in the kitchen thought she would surprise
him as soon as he entered the door by throwing
her hands over his eyes and imprinting kiss
on his brow, as in the days of the honeymoon
The husband returned the salute with interest
and said as he discngaged her hands, Mary
d airing, where is your mistress" The wife
discharged MARY, darling the next day, and
has adopted a new plan of "surprising' her
husband.
An Irish gentleman, of 4 mechanical turn
of mind took off his gas-meter to repair it
himself, and put it on again upside down. AT
the end of the quarter it was proved with arith-
metical correctness that the gas company owed
him eight dollars and fifty-seven cents.
A Southern paper brings us this cheerful bit
of news:
A clairvoyant trio, two women and man,
have been travelling in the South, pretending to
cure the cpiZOotic by the "layng on of hands"
They practiced on Kentucky mule the other
day, and the firm has since been dissolved.
A man in Illinois committed suicide by
drowning in six inches of water. He couldn't
have done it alone, but his wife, with the self.
sacrificing devotion and hclpfulness so charact-
eristic of her sex, sat on his head.-BOstDn
Post.
The citizens of Cairo are luled to sleep by
Shrek of the victim"
Some people have very crude notions about
what constitutes fun" to w.t.
Last Thursday evening, at Pana, ILL.,, James
Watkins, an old citizens, went to OTIS saloon,
bought drink, and handed OFT bill to change,
which he playfully refused to do, locking the
bill up. Watkins picked up a billiard cue,
and made as though he would strike Oft OFT
pulled out his revolver, and pointing il toward
Watkins, ii went of, the ball striking near the
region of the heart. Watkins is lying very low,
and is not expected to live. He cyonerated OFT
from all blame, as the whole thing was done
in fun. OF was not arrested.
Fifteen lies to the square inch represents the
editorial power of Kansas City newspaper, if
its rival is to be believed.
With quiet sarcasm Maine paper remarks
that after the "Chase heirs" get their thirty
five million of dollars, more or less, from Eng
land, they will confer a favor by liqudating
small bill at its office.
The Bureau Co. Republican is guilty Of this;
\ blue-bird and snow.bird sat upon q tree
in the court yard yesterday morning 1t was
nip and tuck between them as to the harbngcr
business.
Also this prepostcrous nonsense:
young fellow at the depot, whose first name
is Frank, in parting with one of our handsome
young ladies the other night, attempted to inn
press the customary kiss npOnt her rosy cheek,
when She forcibly showed back his head, say
ing: NO, sir, you don't; the Frunk-iRg priv.
ilcge is abolished"
The TRADER claims to be the bright orb
around which fourteen lesser lights of the state
OF La Sale rcvolve, "Beemus' is its nucleus
-.nrrsa'iss ldrertiser.
OF course. Pile on your bad names We
have been called almost everything that the
Advertiser could think of, and now it winds up
by calling us a mcleus!
Here is how fellow 90, his name changed
\, Claude RS wife sat quietly in the twi-
light, fellow stole behind her and kissed her
is it Claude:' she asked hurriedly. mo,
dear madam \ moment ailcrward he was
heard - eNclaim, "Oh, yes, am clawcd now,
indeed am"
is kindly said of Rochester corpse that
although married man, he was not addicted
to profanity.
\ TEXAS poet has written poem entitled
THE Railroad TO Heaven" He can't hay,
reference to the Union Pacific. A large cxcur
sion party of politicians appear to be travelling
that road TO very different locality.
CoartCrJoUrHal.
"Ienccnt orercoa,s" are said TO be popular
with some folks in town. They are Of no
liquid texture are worn internally. and ",
guess they burn infcrnally.-C'm'oa Register.
fireman having recently died n, Fairbury