The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-11-22
VARIETY.

INPoIIrE--A society mans argument against
suicde il, that 1t is the height of mpoliteness to
90 anywhere until you are invited.
A Missouri woman turned her husband INSIDE
down in the milk churn the other day because nc
swore at her mother He respects his mOther-in-
iaw now.
Georgia paper, in speaking of q noted belle
IN the town in which it is published, proudly an
nOunces the fact that the lady " "patronizes this
paper exclusively in her personal makeup
Boss Tweed is in San Francisco, calculating,
perhaps, to take 4 trip around the world. He
may be- absent eight or ten years but he is GER
tain to be in New York in ample time for his
trial.
y Cincinnati man, who went of the other day
with all his family except his mother-in-law and
the house cat, found upon his return that the
animal had been talked to death for being out
late ut night.
\ woman with nothing To wear, and wearing
It layshly, is roaming about the woods in Union
parish, La, and the people of the locality are
discussing the question whether she is crazy or
merely going to continual evening party.
Southern women. according to 4 western edi-
tor, carry pistols in their Paniers; and we sup
pose when they want to shoot anybody they
whirl round and let drive at him without look
ing, previously, to make matters certain, closing
their eyes.
CoNPLANED.-A young Texas man, who was
kept on jury duty fOrty-eight hours, complained
that he got seven letters from his wife inquiring
why he stayed away so long, and that he had
very affecting interview with his mOther-in-law
as soon rs he was released.
DID MoRE-The Governor of Illinois recently
YaFdOned n penitentiary convict because they said
he was dying Of consumption. That pardon did
more for that man than would have been done by
Of rNoI In,
hours his lungs were as sound rs if they had
heen made Of brass.
GOyE BAcK.-Chicago has gone back to the in
QUESTION days. and tortures her iuries into agree
ment At least, n sheriff of that city placed n
hand-Organist at the door of 4 jury-room, re-
Gently, with instructions to play on indefinitely.
No tongue can tell what those jurors suffered,
hut they didn't agree.
SOMEBODY MUsT STAY.-A Bennington daughter.
whose domestic nature is equal to her natural
simplicity was invited by an Advent exhorter TO
Join his sect, get her white robe ready, and pre-
pare TO ascend. - can't the maiden replied; !;
:. father and mother are going up, and somebody
must stay to see 10 the cattle.
WILL BE SuRPRIsED.-When there is not Il
breath Of air stirring, and you are in danger of
being stihed, attempt To light cigar out doors,
and you will be surprised at the breeze that will
tart mp. We have seen man try this expert
m, mt an n dead calm, and by the time ne had
-rra tehed thirteen matches it was really sO windy
n TO be uncomfortable
4 st,luf Englishman, who recently applied to 4
California court for admission to citizenship on
the ground of service IN the navy, was asked If
he had an honorable discharge. - No. said he,
q. vou see we left the ship in big hurry, and |
didn't have a chance to see Captain Semmes, or
else l should have got an honorable discharge
lie didn't get his pape.s
NEW E-PREsERyER- amusement is
caused in New York by small cards gratuitously
circulated about the streets with small cork at
rached by string and having the following
printed upon 1t in large letters - The most
horrible death is 10 be talke,i to death. To pre-
vent the above terrible fate use the patent llie
preserver attached to this card, Directions-Put
the cork in your ear
The DECAY OF THE RACE.-'The New York
zrorId says the bridegroom of the average Sara
--ogt wedding finds himself year after marriage
ss1be father of miserable little wretch of an
infant, destined, perhaps, some quarter OF a cen
tIlry hence, to be himself the progenitor of an
even inferior edition of the race. The World
relieves in taking physical igor into account
when matches are made IN Heaven or at 4 water
ing place
=. Brick " Pomeroy is wandering through the
wiIds Of Texas his tireless tongue waggng IN thl'
fashion
belle yed it to be rs impossible for the princi-
ples of ID, emocracy to triumph by the election OF
greeley as it would have been for you 10 secure
welded bl. SO by eourting lady for five, ten, OF
fifteen yeal =, and then popping the question Il
the hired OH 4 OS your neighbor across the way.
FoVD OF CIIECKEKs.-An aged couple on NoOs-
ter street, in Danbury, are Tery fond OF checkers
and play quite frequently. When he beats al
rbe came she loses her temper, and declares she
will NOT play again. It yexes him TO have hel
act So but he controls his irritation. and talks tC
her about il. lie tells her how wrong It is fol
people at their age in life TO be disturbed by suet
triaes; and shows hsr clearly the folly OF suct
= course that she becomes ashamed OF ner "eah )
ness and returns to tise game, and plays 1t so vel
that she beats him. Then he throws the check
ers IN one direction and kicks the board IN an
other, and says he will never play with anybody
who eheats 50 alI-fredlY and s;alks mOodily q