Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1873-01-01

Boy: mo, sir ; / Just speekilateC
and bought i'm Of t'Other boy for sir
cents"
Mrs. Darlington has been reading
the Health Officers weekly reports,
and thinks "tOtal' must be an awful
malignant disease, since as many die
OF 1t as Of the rest put together.
An indiscreet youth in Cairo has
been fined for violently kissing the
school ma'am. She was so homely
that the judge said there was absolute
~ no excuse for him.
That beautiful young lady who en-
tiers saloons, revolver in hand, kicks
over a table, draws a bead on the bar
tender and leads her fatherout by tn.
ear, has opened out at Galena.
a doctor went ont for a day's sport
and complained of having killed moth
ing. THAT'S the consequence of hav-
ing neglected your business, observed
his wife.
At the funeral of an Iowa man who
broke through the ice, the preacher
said "My friends, in the world to
which u dear friend has gone there
is no ice.n
An Iowa man can not remember
where he hid a coffee pot full of silver
during the war, and has nearly scratch
ed every hair out of his head think
ing about it.
1t is rumOred that the mania for
collecting stamps has broken out
again among the young ladies of fash
ion. Their lOngsuffering papas would
like to know when it ever ceased.
At a recent fashionable wedding a.
st. Bartholomew's Church, in New
York City, it is estimated four hun
dred yards Of tulle walked up the
aisle, on the bridesmaids.
Variety weddings" have been in
troduced into Rhode Island. They
take the place of wooden, tin or crys-
tai weddings, the happy couple re-
ceiving a variety of presents instead
Of having them all ofOne material.
Smart boy: "PspS, is it fair for the
teacher to fiog me for what 1 didn't
do ?n Indignant father: "No, my
son-nO, by no means" Smart boy
"Well, then, what made him fog me
to-day when I didn't do my sums i
II want to know" said a creditor,
fercely, when you are going to pay
me what you owe me?" when am
I going to pay you? Why, you're g
pretty fellow! Do you take me for 8
prophet?"
Die Lewis says tight bands and
much wrapping are bad for the throat
and Cady Stanton makes the same re.
mark concerning young ladies' waists
the wrapping referring probably to
the doTsal news room.
A fond husband boasted to a friend,
Tom, the old woman came near call.
ing me honey last night" ibid she,
Bill? What did she say?" "She
said, Well, old Beeswax, come to
supper"
When the Mikado of Japan frs
appeared in the streets of Yeddo, thu
people would not believe il was he
They thought the Mikado was a sorI
Of deity, who existed, but was invisi'
bic to common eyes.
The battlefields of France present
now and then unpleasant reminders
of the scenes enacted on them. A
ROZuy and Ermot, recently, farmers
have been killed by the explosion OF
shells in the ground they were dig
ging.
The Chicago Times puts the solemn
| conundrum: How can we escape
ire?n The New York Commercial
Advertiser answers: 1.-THE gospel Of
feTs you every encouragement, but
perhaps ysur best hold is to get out
of Chicago"
The city editor of the Jacksonville
Journal offered to send his girl the
paper regularly, but she replied, with
sweet innocence, that her Una didn't
allow her to wear bustles," The poor
girl never supposed that anybody
could want to read the sheet.
At a late wedding a calcium light
was thrown on the bride as o as
she left the church, and was so man
aged as to flood the carriage with
light, and thus exhibit the beauty
and toilet of the blushing bride and
groom to the admiring multitude
A Judge charged a jury as follows
Gentlemen of the jury, you mus
find that the defendant is guilty be
yond a reasonable doubt. A reasOna-
BILE doubt is such a doubt as will con-
vince a reasonable man that the de-
PENDANT is not guilty"
How much do you pay your wal
tiers at this saloon" asked an iracible
gent of the proprietorO Of = restaurant,
Zone dollar per diem, sir"
"Well, then. credit me with thirty
cents, for I waited two honrs for my
steak. and n hour for my mullins.
A man, in arguing for the privilege
of being dishonest, said to his clergy
man: The fact is, it is impossible
for me, if / am strictly honest, to a
~ on business and livein the world"
Die, then" was the ministers IN.
compromising reply.
THAT man." said a wag came to
forty years ago purchased a
basket, and commenced gathering
rags. How much do you suppose he
is worth now?" It was q eonundrum
we could not answer, Nothing he
continued after a pause, land he owes
for the basket
Two Detroit sisters ran away and
got married the other night. When
they returned to pacify their papa,
they found the old gentleman in such
a state Of hilarity at the removal of
the burden of their milliner's bills,
that the newly-made husbands be-
came painfully sad.
One of the little pleasantries Of the
at the Dublin Opera House
in throwing on to the stage a
bouquet to which a piece of Irvine is
attached. When the prima donna
goes TO pick up the nosegay it is sud-
denly drawn up again amid the rOars
I'deities.n
A little more farcical duel than the
common run was fought the other
day at Atlanta by two hotel CLERKS
The seconds eontrived by a dash Of
chickens blood to make q of the
d