The Placer herald., 1873-12-13
NUMBER II.
SCISSOKINGTUMS.

young as she once was, and asked her:
"Can you tell me where can find man r
"No, cannot" she replied. "for I have
been looking these twenty years for ono
myself.
Upon the "outer waIl" Of nei. hboring
female college the other morning, was dis.
covered, conspicuously displayed, the sign
domestic Sewing Machines" Some Of
those specimens Of total depravity known
as college students did it,
When that Albany editor got letter en-
closing dried human ear, and containing
the statement that that was all, that was
all that was left ''of one man who wrots
against me, he walked away on his.
"Jury," said Western Judge, "you
kin 60 out and find verdict If you can't
find one of your own, get the one the last
jury used" The jury returned verdict Of
suicide in the ninth degree.
A little boy has been fairly driven from
school by the disgraceful persecution of the
other scholars, who taunted him with the
fact that his father had been New York
juryman. n.-Danbu,y Ne,cs.
A Rochester editor went out hunting the
other day for the first time in twenty-five
years, and he was lucky enough to bring
down an old farmer by shot in the leg.
The distance was sixty-six yards.
When Major Pauline Cushnnan ,rrved in
San Francisco lately, she wanted to lecture,
but couldn't afford to advertise. So she
just cowhided a man in public and is now
one of the pearls of the platform.
"Pay me that twenty-five cents you owe
meP' roared newsboy to bootblack.
Haven't got the currency, Jafnesy," re-
sponded the burnsber; "but can give you
certified check"
Fifteen pounds of dried apples were taken
as pay for publishing marriage notice by
an Iowa paper, rece tly; which leads to the
inference that the wedding was swell
affair.
Dogenes hunted in the day time for an
honest man, with lantern; if he had lived
in these times, he would have needed the
he'd lite of a tiff-Josh Billings.
A gentleman late one evening met his
servant. "H ,llo! VIII re are You going
this time of night?-for no good, III war
rant. 81 was going for you, cir"
A missing man with Roman nose is ad-
vertsed, but the National Baptist thinks he
will never be found, as "sucli nose will
never turn up
A French lady, hearing that tunnel cost
five thousand francs a yard, importuned her
husband to buy her dress of that ma
terial.
Ask St. Louis man about Chicago, and
he will admit there is such a place in Ill
inois, but will add, cit is all morgaged to
Boston"
A little girl was once asked the following
question: "What is faith ?" She replied,
"Doing Gods will and asking no ques-
tions.
A Western woman complains that since
her husband joined the Patrons of Hus-
bandry he has sown nothing but wild oats
"a lass, lass!" exclaimed an old bacIl-
elor, who wanted to marry. "Alas alas!"
he cried, after he had been married awhile.
Since the new-fangled buckles have come
in vogue, it is extraordinary how door-p
in the rural districts have disappeared
Mrs Partington will not allow Ike to play
the guitar. She says he had it ono, when
he was a child, and it nearly killed him.
A lady reporter, sent to an agricultural
fair, wrote of lot of young pigs: "fhey
look too sweet to live minute"
A Burlington, Iowa, man bought light
axe because his wife was sick, and could mt
chop very well with heavy one.
While witnessing game Of baseball ont
West a boy was struck on the head, the
bawl coming out of his mouth.
An Indiana lad beld a burglar by the
whiskers until her husband came home!
Burglars should shave often.
Quiet, but firm "Wanted, by Ger
man, a situation in an eating house. He
understands the business"
The Minneapolis Times asks: "Sball the
city be hoocausted for the want Of steamers
md reservoirs ?" Give it up.
A lazy editor IN Ohlo reads all MS ex-
changes in bed He finds it the easiest way
to fill up his sheet.
A San Francisco paper heads an account
of the fab Of treste-work, "Saucelito's
Sad Sensation.
Two Oil City bloods club their money
and buy good suit, and take turns in
wearing it.
An accomplished bar keeper in New Or
leans mixes drinks in six different Ian
guages.
The same engine at Spencer, Mass,
grinds sausage and prints the village pa
per.
Uncle-"Now how did the mother of
Moses hide him ?" Niece-''With stick"