davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28
what m Old Nan has Noticed.

have noticed that all men are honest
when they arc watched.
Ihavc noticed that silks, broadcloths
and jewels arc often bought with othc,
peoples money.
1 have noticed that whatever is, is right,
with few exccptions-tho left eye, the
left leg and the left side of . plumb pud
ding.
have noticed that the prayer Of the
selfish man is "Forgive Us our debts,
while he makes everybody who owes
him pay to tho utmost farthing.
l have noticed that no who thinks
every man . rogue is very certain to
sec ono when he shavcs himself, and
he ought, in mercy to his neighbor to sur
render tho rascal TO justice.
have noticed that money is the fool,
wisdom, tho knave's reputation, the
poor mans desire, the covetoes mans
ambition and the idol of all.
havo noticed that all men speak wei
Of all mems virtue when they are dead,
and that tombstone are marked with thu
epitaphs Of the good and virtuous. Il
any particular cemetery where the bat
men arc buried!
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28

The poor child began to cry worse
than before, and tho brutal man gave il
. severe thump over the side Of the
head. The child moancd piteo1sly.
Tho indignation of tho bystanders was
excited, and one ri them said to the
man, "Is that child yours Z"
"What's that TO you!" the man ans
wered: al won't tell you"
"He's-my-fathcr, tho child sobbcd,
'.and-he-kilied-my-,nothcr-just-
as-he's-agoing-to-kill-me."
The man doubled his fist, and made
as though no was about TO give the child
. savage blow. Ono of the bystanders
,nterfered, and said: 1" Say, If you don't
stop this, I'll call . policeman. 1 never
saw such brutal father in all my life. .
The man began to tumble in his peck.
cts, and the child cried out: Take care,
he's got knife. He's going to stick
you."
Sure enough, the man produced .
knife, and opened it. The crowd slipped
Of one by one. except two.
"Bring an officer" ono Of them cried
10 . frieEd.
elf am to be arrested" the man
said, ait shall be for somct!.ing; and
thereupon he plunged the knife into the
body Of tho child. The child shrieked,
"pm murdered, I'm murdered" and q
crowd rushed to tho spot. The man
quietly raised the child in his arms, and
removing his hat, said:
"Gentlsmen, this is wooden child.
I'm ventriloquist, and any little offer
ing you may be pleased TO make, will be
very acceptable. "-Ner York Sun.
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28

A young parson Of the Univorsalist
faith, many years since, when the Simon.
pure Universalism was preached, started
westward to attend convention of his
brethren in the faith. He took the pre-
caution 10 carry vial of cayenne in his
pocket to sprinkl. his food with, as a
preventive OF fever and ague. The con.
vcntion met; and at dinner q tall Hoo
sier observed tho parsOn as he seasoned
bis meet, and addressed him thus:
"Stranger, I'll thank you for little
of that ere red salt, tor I'm kind o
curious TO try it."
Certsinly," replied the parson "bu.
you will find it ralhcrpowcrful; be care
full how you Use it,"
The Hoosier took the profercd via,
and feeling himself proof against any
quantity Of raw whisky, thought he
could stand tho cred sal" with impuni-
ty, and accordingly sprinkIcd u junk of
be # rather bountiiully with it, and forth
with introduced it into his capacious
mouth. 1t soon began to take hold. lie
shut his eyes, and his features began to
wriihe, dcnoting a very inl,arnonious
physically. Finally he opened
his mouth and screamed "firc."
"Takc drink Of cold water from III :.
Jug" said the parson.
"Will that put it Out?" asked thc
suiting the action to the word.
In short timc the unfortunate man
began to recover, and turning to the par
son, his eyes yet swimming with water,
exclaimed
"Stranscr, you call yourself u Versa
list, l believe ?"
al dc" mildly answered the parson.
- Wcli, Won. q. k"".s &c y"u ti.;"h
it CONSTANT with your belief 10 so
about with hell fire in your brooches
pockets
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28

In certain town in Vermont several
instances have lately occurred where
husbands who have lost their wives
have married again within six to twelve
weeks; hence . good deal Of ncighbor.
hood gossip, particularly among some
of these women whe " still live" One
of these, Mrs. b, at = quilting the
other day, said. al do hope may be
spaced till summer. for then may have
tombstones over my grave before my
mas gets tied UP again ?"
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28

One day rscsntly, . respectfully.
1rosood man carried . well-Rrown, child
ms6led up and apparsaty sick, into
Trsnehs Hotsl. Hs placed The child on
he stairs, and began - talk y il in q
very unkind, rosgh way. The asssatien
Of The guests was attracted, and they
gathered around.
You are able 70 walk up stairs BY
yeursslf," tho man said, and l won't
carry yeu."
"0h, oh, the child sobbed, ado carry
n up; please, pa, do. Yoa know, ever
eioee ! IVES run over BY tho car, and Lost
both q ny feet can't walk up stairs
aloae."
shat 10 all stud, tho man answered; ;
get up At once, or I'll mako you."
The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1873-08-28

There is . peculiar saddening effect in
awakening in the night and hearing burg
lars at work in your house. This was
the case with Mr.. Henry on South street,
Friday night As soon ~ be detected
the noise, which appeared to be down.
stairs, he softly crept out of bed, and
commenced to prowl around for . match.
His vito was soon awakened by tho
same noiss, and believing that something
WAS tho matter with tho children who
slept in tho next room, she carefully
withdrew from tho bed 20 rs not to dis
turb her husband, and started for the
door. An instant latter they collided.
Whist no thought is evident enough.
All the hard earnings of an arduous life
were 1t stake. Before him stood one OF
moro robbers. With an exclamation Of
condensed eloquence he clInched her.
What she thought is not quite 30 evident,
but it WAS doubtless Of her husband and
children, ane being lucky withal, she al
once twined her fingers in his hair, and
gave him wrench that made him think
Of death.
Then both OF them went down to the
floor together, she having the advan.
tage in the fall, and getting on top, with
her hands still in his hair, she shook bis
head against the floor with IN energy
and courage that would undoubtedly
filed him 70 overlooking with admira-
ton, had he known who it was, or had
be known anything ut Ill. Everytime
che raped him she shrieked for holp,
and in . brief space of time the children
and Ars. Ebsn Davis, who lives down
stairs, were on the scene. Irs. Davis
was not dressed for company, bat in the
excitement she didn't mind adornmeut
She had candle IN ono hand, and . long
carving fork in the other, and VA
about - drive the latter into the Leg
Of the villain, when Reorganization en-
sued. Then Mn. Davis laid down hel
candle in one direction, and the fork ia
another; and Immediately returned Il
her own apartments, her yellow flannel
nighteap, - it shot down the stairs, b.
ing The first thing Mr.. Henry saw on
spfing,ng 10 his feet. The children
were returned to their room, and put Il
bed, but the parents did not resume theil
couch. 1t was 20 pleasant that Mr.. Hen
y concluded to remain up the rest Of
he night and enjoy the scenery, and
Hrs. Henry thought it best to Say up,
too, % - to change the cloths on BID
Aead - often - possible.-Daa6Sy,
Naes.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
TERRIBLE GAME OF CARDS.

A game of cards in which a human life
was at stake was played on the 9th of Sep
tember, at the Ritter hotel in Heidelberg,
by four young students, one of whom, Sill
fred Meyer, was an American from Chicago.
1t appears that the four men had formerly
been intimate friends, and they met, it
seems, at the Swan tavern, where they
drank good deal and finally began to
quarrel. One of them, Count Ottendorf,
called Meyer cowardly Jew, whereupon
the latter challenged him. Ottendorf ac-
cepted the challenge Immediately. Meyer,
in tone of great excitement, proposed that
all four should play game of Sixtysix.
The loser should shoot himself with a pis-
tol. The proposition was accepted, and the
four students repaired to the hotel. They
ordered wine and cards brought to a private
room, and Ludekin, one of the four, pro-
cured two loaded pistols from neighbor-
ing armorer. The four students dealt the
cards and Ottendorf and Meyer seated
themselves, pistol lying by the side Of
each. The first few minutes the game re-
mained almost even. But then Meyer OBJ
tanned single advantage, and Ottendorf,
suddenly jumped up, and exclaimng,
"Adieu, my friends" seized his pistol and
shot himself through the right temple. lie
fell corpse to the floor, while his compan-
ionS stood as if petrified for moment, and
then hurried from the room. When the
proprietor of the hotel went into the room
he found the dead Count lying on the floor
lie gave an alarm, and tie police started
yoon after the fugitive students. Late in
the afternoon they succeeded in arresting
Immich, who made the above statement
Meyer and Ludekin escaped across the
French frontier. Ottendorf was the son of
a wealthy landed proprietor of Westphalia.
At the time of his death he was only nine
teen.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
YOU ARE A BRICK.

A certain college professor had assembled
his class in the commencement of the term,
and was reading over the list of names to
see If all were present. 1t CHANGED that one
of the number was unknown to the pro-
fessor, having just entered the class.
"What's your name sir ?" asked the pro-
fessor, looking through his spectacles.
"You are brick" was the startling re-
ply.
"Sir," said the professor, starting out of
his chair at the supposed impertinence, but
not quite sure that he understood him cor
rectly; "Sir, l did not exactly understand
your answer.
"You are brick" was again the COM
posed reply. .
'This is ntolerable," said the professor,
bis face reddening. "Beware young man
how YOU attempt to insult me-. :"
"Insult you!'' said the student, in turn
astonished. Chow have done it p
"Did you not say l was brick p re-
turned the professor, with stiaed indigna-
ton.
"No sir. You asked if my name is o..
r. A. Brick-Uriah Reynold Anderson
Brick
cab, indeed ?" murmured the professor.
sinking back into bis seat in confusion; "it
was misconception on my part Wlll yoa,i
commence the lesson, Mr.-ahem brick
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
CATCHING AN EEL.

One of our guests, while fishing for
founders, got bite the other day that did
her good. She is of lethargic nature, and
when she drew out that eel she cut up a SER
les of antics which sent the blood coursing
through her veins and brought flush to
her cheeks that made her look positively
handsome. 1t lthappened thus: A dozen of
us-ladies and gentlemen-were seeking the
slow founders from under the wharf which
forms one Of the artificial beauties of Cos
ling Cove. We had been moderately sue
cessful, and had landed good supply, some
of which lay on the wharf and some in
baskets, all of course beyond hope in this
world. The gentle Eunice got a bite and
course lively and vigorous. When she saw
his hideous form wriggng in the air, she ut
tered a shrek and dropped her pole. 1t fell
on the wharf, but not so the eel. He first
contorted into the face of lady fisherman,
nearly winding round her neck, which
caused her to shrek and turn deadly pale.
His eelship then struck the wharf, and, mis-
taking it for his native element, Immediately
started to go somewhere. Usftu
IhiS was tne slSlal lor tue iauies, ohc anu
all, to drop their poles, set up chorus of
screams, uch their skirts, and endeavor to
seek higher level In the confusion, one
member of the party walked backward over
a baske. of fish, and both upset, the former
stricking against the corpulent Mr.. X,
whom we facetously term Pickwick.
He was standing near tho edge of the
wharf, his face wreathed i'll smiles. and
heartily enjoying the antics of both eel and
ladies. lnever shall forget the peculiar ap-
pearance of the bottoms of his boots as he
went over, heels up, in the water. OF course
this added to the hullabaloo; but X. was a
good swimmer and struck boldly for shoal
water. In the meantime, the eel was hav-
ing it all his own way, unmindful of X.
He squirmed and twisted, now balancing
himself upon his head, and anon darting
here and there, to the CONSERVATION of the
female fishermen, who seemed to be riveted
to the spot by strange spell, and all deter
mined to save the lower part of their body
from assault. At last his eelship was Sc
cured, and the ladies breatbed freely; but
Mr. Pickwick declares that before you catch
him going fishing with women again he will
ascertain their standing on the eel question.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
CAPTAIN FRY'S LAST LETTER TO HIS
WIFE.

The following is the letter. says the New
Orleans Times, written by Capt. Fry of
the Virginius to his wife a few hours before
he was shot. The alusions to family af-
fairs are, Of course, not reproduced:
ON BOARD THE SPANISH MAN-oF-W WAR, ST.
JAeo DE CUBA, Nov. 6, 1878.
"Dear, Dear Dita: When I left you l
had no idea that we should never meet
again in this world, but it seems strange to
me that should tonight, and ON Annie s
birthday, be calmly seated, on beautiful
moonlight night, in most beautiful bay in
Cuba, to take my last leave of you, my
own dear, sweet wife, and with the thought
of your bitter anguish my only regret at
leaving.
have been tried to-day, and the Presi-
dent of the court-martial asked the favor of
embracing me at parting, and clasped me to
his heart. have shaken hands with each
of my judges, and the Secretary of the
Court and Interpreter have promised me as
a special favor to attend my execution,
which will, am told, be in very few
hours after my sentence is pronounced.
am told my death will be painless; in short,
| have had very cheerful and pleasant
chat about my funeral, to which shall 90
in few hours from now. How soon | can
not yet say 1t is curious to see how
make friends. Poor Bambetta pronounced
me gentleman, and he was the brightest
and bravest creature | ever saw.
The priest who gave me communion on
board this morning put double scapular
about my neck and a medal which he in
tends TO wear himself. A young Spanish
officer brought me bright new silk badge
with the Blessed Virgin stamped upon it to
wear to my execution for him, and hand
some cross in some fair lady's hapdiwork.
These are to be kept as relics of me. He
embraced me affectionately in my room will
tears in bis eyes.
Dear sweetheart, you will be able to bear
it for my sake, for will be with you if God
permits it. Although know my hours are
short and few, | am not sad. ! feel | shall
always be with you right soon, dear Dta,
and you will not be afraid of me. Pray for
me and will pray with you.
There is to be fearful sacrifice of life
from the Virginius, and as think, a need
less one, as the poor people are unconscious
of crime, and even of their fate up to now.
If you write to President Grant he will
probably order my pay due when resigned
paid to you after my death. People will be
kinder to you now, dear Dita-at least |
hope so. Do not dread death when it comes
to you. 1t will be as Gods angel of rest.
Remember this.
hope my children will forget their ia.
Tiers harshness and remember his love and
anxiety for them. May they practice regu-
larly their religion, and pray for him always.
Tell--that the last act of my life will
be public profession of my faith and hope
in Him of whom we need not be ashamed,
and it is not honest to withhold that public
acknowledgement from any false modesty Or
timidity. May God bless and save us all.
Sweet, dear, dear Dita, we will soon
meet again. Till then, adeu, for the last
time.
Your devoted husband,
JOSEPH Fry"
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
THE FOOL AND THE HIGHWAYMAN.

Never heard of Redmond O'Hanlon, the
Irish highway robber? Well, that's sur
.prsing. Your English Turpins and French
Duvals couldn't hold a candle to our high
waymen But for all his shrewdness he
met his match once, and I'll tell you how it
was:
Redmond was fine, strapping, gentle
manly looking fellow, and a devoted ad-
mirer of the ladies-as where is the Irish
man that is not-and what is more friend
to the poor-as you will admit when you
know that his demands for cash were only
made on persons who could well afford to
meet them, and that he delighted in forcing
contributions from those who had the name
of being hard landlords to their tenants.
There was one of this class whom Rod
man never lost an opportunity of taxing
for that was the polite name he gave to his
own robberies. Every quarter day, this
gentleman or one of his servants--some-
times more than one-used to take jour-
ney of six or seven miles to collect his rents,
and as regular as clock work there was Red
mond O'Hanlon, with some stout compan-
ions if necessary to waylay the collector as
he returned home. Every means was used
to elude him, but to no purpose. lie had
spies everywhere, and contrived to have the
exact information he needed in advance.
So one quarter-day, when the gentle
mans servants asked him about going for
the rents, he swore at O'Hanlon, and said
he didn't see the use of collecting money to
hand it over to him.
=
, Now this gentleman had on his estate a
boy called Jerry the fool, who had the
run of the house and made fun for the fam
ily. He had a great conceit for himself,
and when he heard what his mastsr said, he
Immediately asked to be allowed to go after
the rents at once, and he declared that he
would know the way to bring them straight
home. OF course he was only laughed at;
but when he represented that no harm could
come from trying, as he couldn't DO worse
than those who had gone before him, the
master agreed to humor him. '
Upon that, Jerry made such preparations
as he though. necessary, chose the worst
horse in the stable--an old hack, half blind
and three-quarters lame-and started on bis
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
CALIFORNIA PROSPERITY.

There is more solid prosperity in Cafor-
mia to day than in any other State in the
Union Most branches of business are and
crative. There have not been eXtravagant
profits; therefore business has not been
forced nor great stocks of goods unnecessa-
ry accumulated. Speculation is not rife,
and every instrument is carefully considered
before made Mining is usually prosperous
and remunerative, and great fortunes have
been made by holders in those mines which
are turning out wealth at an unprecedented
rate. Yet wildcat stocks have not been run
up to an extravagant price, and many mines
with good prospect before them are daily
bought and sold at fair, hardly at equiva-
lent, prices. Real estate is to be had at
reasonable figures, and sales are only made
when buyers who want land for improve
ments or permanent investment come for
ward. All the banks have good reserves on
hand, and furnish money to bona .fide Gus
toners for legitimate purposes freely at the
usual rates. The building trade has been
brisk, and the promise for spring is at pres
ent scarcity of residences, and no proba-
biity of the supply exceeding the demand
for a year to come. The farmers have had
a good season. and confidently expect, since
the ample rain, another as good, or better.
Though we have so large an element of no.
mades in our population, there is little dis
tress. Compared with some other years,
the applications for relief from our benevo-
lent societies are less, and the number of
admissions to our Almshouse fewer. We
have our poor, like other States, and we
have those unfortunates who hide away, or
conceal their SORROWS, and would rather suf
fer privation than expose their crcumstan-
ces. But when we take the condition of
our State and compare it with that of Others
we see marked difference; when we COM
pare the number and circumstances of our
paupers with those of New York, Phlade-
pha Or any great Easten city, after allowing
for the difference in numbers, we can see
how much better we are off than any. The
best of all is that we are prosperous because
we have been Industrious, economical and
prudent, and now we are reaping the fruit
of harvest which will in all human proba-
bility increase year by year until this decade
is ended. How much longer, will depend
upon the wisdom with which we use our
means.-POst.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27

USES or ADvEhT1sINa.- improve stag
nant business, the best remedy or stimulant
is to advertise. This is necessary in the pc
cuIiar state of business, when people are
consulting the newspapers as their house
hold gods, conveying the only true and re-
liable source of information on passing
events, especially now, in the fluctuations of
trade. Indeed, so true is this that just now
no man, much less any woman, starts out to
spend $5 without holding council of econ
omy at breakfast with the last issue of the
paper spread for reference, to ascertain
where the greatest likelihood exists Of get
ting value received and Is per cent. addi-
tional, for panic rates. Advertise!
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27

The monument to Greeley ought to be an
imposing stoue.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
SCISSORINGTUMS.

The Selma, Ala. Times says h has .
sweet potato in its Office six feet and two
inches in length.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
BRIC-A.BRAC.

In a dusky dark chamber
We store up i'll mind,
What, when we remember,
But worthless we find.
The joys of season,
The loves of day.
The tears and the tire ason
Long since passed away.
Now mingled together,
A medley they lie;
Not one worth a feather,
Not one worth a sigh.
Did Lillian prove tickle,
Why, love, too proved blind.
And all meath Times sickle
Prove finite we find.
OF yore though the days were
In youths early prime,
AS sweet as the lays were
When love gave the rhyme;
Yet hope in the morning
W as Il false hight TO lure
Us on to the scorning
Of all that is sure.
And past days of pleasure,
And nights of much pain,
Seem now but the measure
OF time spent in vain.
Then hide them, forget them,
Nor think them again;
Though we may not regret them,
There's death in the strain.
Let an ever-closed chamber
Conceal in the mind
What, when we remember,
But worthless we find.
Sinsley's Magazine.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27

How natral it il for a man, when he
makes mistake, to korrekt it by kussing
somebody else for it.
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27

Putting up stove-pipe in Danbury h
politely termed ATTENDING black crook
matinee"
The Placer herald., 1873-12-27
OF poL1r1oAL CIR ANGER.

Oh come my love and live with me,
And keep my cottage in the glen,
AS patient as bumble-bee
And busy as a setting hen.
Oh rest beneath my fragrant bower,
Where sweet stramonium doth entwine,
Come, smell the gentle caulifower
And Gull the mangle-wurtzel vine.
All, listen to the rural songs!
The pea shall wind his magic shell
r AS Echo plaintiyely prolongs 1
The warble of the pimpernel.
Behind the vermicelli row
> hear the bull-frog's sigh again
The cackle of the Durham eve
The below of the Berkshire hen.
Oh, come love, come! the morn is fair,
I'll celebrate the day with thee;
I'll merrily dig the Bartlett pear,
And shake the rutabaga tree. tItlr
Oh, hump yourself, my lovely Poll,
And in the cause of anti-monop,
Well mulch the turkeys in the Fall
And graft the long clam on the hop.
My sweetest! 1 am fond of mush,
And thou wilt set some out for me;
Wen early SOW the currant bush
And tap the cranberry jelly tree.
Wen pull the wool from off the calf,
The cottonwood its fleece shall shed,
So at the Winter will we laugh,
And gaily weed the oyster bed.
Wen blithly hoe the Winter wheat;
Wen chase the eggs the squirrels lay,
And when the Bantam hog shall bleat
Well feed him with some clover hay.
All savory game to thee I'll bring;
The burdock knows my spear is sharp;
I'll shoot the dolphin on the wing
And hit him in the pericarp.
Then come, my love, and live with me,
And beautify my lonely den,
As patient as a bumble-bee
And busy as setting hen.