Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1873-12-03
Humorous.

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One OF BEAU HIcKMAN's TRIcKs.-l
Beau Hickman once made q raid on the
Baltimore restaurants. He determined
to dine well that day or know the rea
son why. He walked into Guys res
taurant and asked for the proprietor.
"Sir," said he, 81 want the best din
ner you can give me-"
"All right, SIR" said Mr.. Guy; 'walk
in here" showing him into neat little
private room.
The Beau ate and drank of the best,
and, Just after he had finished his cup
of cafe noir, and had Lit his cabanas,
servant entered with folded paper on
a silver waiter, which he gravely handed
to the Beau.
seWhat is this ?" inquired the Beau.
''De bill, sab, said the waiter.
"Bill; 1 don't want any bill. Ask
the proprietor to come here"
The proprietor appeared, bowing and
smiling; he hoped there was nothing
wrong, and that his guest had liked his
dinner.
81 liked the dinner we'll enough, and
the wine," said Beau Hickman, but L
want to know what this MEANS"
''That's the bill, sir" said the pro-
prietor.
swell, never pay any bills. I am
Bean Hickman. l don't pay anybody.
Besides, you have no right to charge
me for this dinner. L asked you for the
best dinner you could give me-"
"Well, Beau, you have wrung in on
me and got the better of me fairly.
Now I'll not only forgive you for this
trick, but I'll give you s25 if you will
play this trick on the st. Clair, on the
other side of the way"
The next day the Beau Jared sump-
tuously at the st. Clair, and the scene
was re-enacted. The bill was presented,
and the proprietor wound up with,
"Beau. I'll give You $50 if you will play
this off on Guy"
"My dear sir," said Bean, "why didn't
L call here first. Guy has paid me s25
to play it on you.
Miss SLUMM's BoY.-Even the best
Sunday-school scholars sometimes are
SO interested in earthly things that the
spiritual meaning of their lessons es-
capes them. There was Miss Slumm's
smartest boy. They were studying the
history of Solomon, and Miss Slumm
wanted to show that, in spite of all his
splendor and wisdom, his lapse into
idolatry in his old age, left him without
the pure religious devotion needful to
perfect peace. So Miss Slumm said
"And now, William, Solomon had more
wisdom and knowledge than any one
else in the world; he was far richer
than any other King; he has built the
most magnificent temple that was ever
seen: he lived in gorgeous palace; he
had fiue clothes and horses and chariots
and thousands of servants, and all the
other monarchs of the earth looked
upon him with admiration and envy.
Aud yet he was not perfectly happy.
He needed but one thing to give him
absolute contentment and felicity, and
what do you think it was, William ?"
William paused for o moment, and then
suddenly exclaimed, 81 know!" Miss
Slumm said, "And what was it ?" "Why
he wanted to learn how to whistle on
his fingers" Then William all at once
went down to the foot of the class. He
had been putting in his spare time
during the preceding week practicing
that musical accomplishment, and he
thought Solomon certainly must have
yearnings in the same direction.
4 BIG GFoor.-Bruce-we will call him
not long since kept general store"
in the northern part of the State. A
tall countryman stalked into his estab-
lishment one day, with his feet encased
in moccasins, and planting one OF them
on barrel, asked Bruce if he could fit
him with pair of boots.
Certainly" said the latter, and after
glancing at the foot proceeded to pull
down a box labeled assorted brogans,
II to 49," Selecting pair of the former
size, he handed it to the countrynan
with the polite request:
Try that on"
The elevens were tried, but to no
purpose; the combined pulling of a
dozen horses wouldn't get those boots
on his feet. Twelves were next tried,
but with no better success. With an
air of assurance Bruce handed him the
thirteens, but they shared the fate of
the others. The countryman looked
blank-Bruce puzzled; but he was
equal to the emergency. Quietly turn
ing the box over so as to empty its con-
tents on the floor, he smilingly handed
the empty case to the astonished Gus
toner, with the request:
Here, put on pair OF thin socks
and try on the box !"
An absent-minded smoker, named
Yancy, undertook to whisper something
of importance in the ear of old Mr..
Reynolds, recently, bat in his absent
mindednes neglected to remove his
cigar, the fire end of which was driven
right into the old gentleman's ear. Mr..
Reynolds jumped straight up in the air
about six feet, and on coming down
split Yancy's nose, by a well-directed
blow. Yancy picked himself up, and
started for home, declaring in rage
that he'd be hanged before he'd tell old
Reynolds what he was going to.
a.. HoUsKKEEpER" writes us, asking
how to dress lobster. We don't know.
We never dressed lobster. If the lob
ster is about seventeen years old maybe
it would look well in q plain waist with
demi-trained skirts of blue silk, and
medium sized panier, and an orgsndy
polonaise, with pinkish mauve chillie,
six buttoned gloves and a white chip
hat. We say maybe it would but per-
haps "Housekeeper," before dressing
her lobster, had better subscribe for
fashionable magazine, which will tell !
her all about such things.
YoUSG Folks POLITICAL EcoSoMY.-
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