The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1873-10-15


To make tall man short--Try TO
borrow five dollars of him.
There is nothing so effective in
bringing a man up to the scratch as
healthy, high-spirited flea.
1t was Voltaire who said: ideas
are like beard men only get them
when they are grown up, and women
never have any"
"C-c-c.can that p-p-p-parrot talk ?"
asked a suffering man of German.
"Ven he don't talk so peter as you, |
schop, by tam, his head off"
A New Jersey Justice said that the
word "testimony" had an 'r' in it, and
the lawyer who disputed him was fined
$40 for contempt Of court.
A western city thinks that it is be.
coming a great intellectual center be-
cause one citizen was recently arrested
for stealing two encyclopedias.
"Yer can't stuff that ere down this
chicken" from a young lady in Indi-
ana, meant that she did not credit her
teachers statement that the sun is
larger than the earth.
Scene in court: Judge-"Have you
anything to offer to the court before
sentence is passed on your" Prisoner
-"No, Judge; / had ten dollars, but
my lawyers took that"
When feller makes his arm around
his gal, und she was liken dot pooty
veil, dhen dot was Shkribture, on
akound it was maken habbiness come
on some waist blaces, don't itY
The new laws of Nebraska impose
fines for "profane swearing done by
any person of the age of fourteen
years and upward" Children under
fourteen may swear gratuitously as be-
fore.
A Judge at Montgomery, Ala, re,
Gently interrupted very fowery
young orator with-"Hold on, hold
on, my dear sir Don't 60 any higher +!
You are already out Of the jurisdic-
ton of this court !"
Here is the latest description of
kiss; "Twas night. A real warm
couple stood in the pale. cold moon
beams. Their lips touched, and there
was sound like a COW hauling her
hoof out Of the mud"
He is true philanthropist who
kicks into the gutter the banana skins
, and orange peels he finds on the side
walk. But he is truer philanthro-
, pist who also kicks into the gutter the
! wretch that threw them there.
The near-sighted hen that ate saw.
dust, supposing it to be cornmeal then
went and laid a nest full of bureau
g knobs, sat on them three weeks aud
, hatched out a complete set of parlor
? furniture, was pretty fair hen.
A German Jew was eating a pork
chop in a thunder storm. On hearing
an unusually loud clap, he laid down
his knife and fork, and observed
"Vell, did any poty efer hear such a
fuss apout leedle beece OF bork 2
An American gives this report OF
. his London travels; 81 asked the dis
: tance. Well said my informant, 1T
amt very far. It's about five drinks
and segar off if you walk, or two
> drinks ii you ride That's way they
= have Of measuring distances in Lon
don"
n A new version of "Old Uncle Ned
n has become popular in the suburbs. II
runs something as follows; "Ther
n pull up the wicket and the stake, and
/, put by the mallet and ball; for nc
n more croquet II be played this year
;. it's getting too late in the fall"
A few mornings ago says a Kentucky
n rural paper, we meekly approached al
r emigrant wagon aud inquired Of it,
3 auslere proprietor, "WhitheI bound !?
s, My lord removed his quid to the lar
II board side of his mouth and cody re
II marked "None Of your d----d bpsi
ness" And it wasn't either