The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1873-07-24
BLAKE NEY BUBBLES.
"I'M UGLY THIS MORNING" "

81 ~ 1uSO III DuSbOLS lAty are not d buCCHeS
The points have an "insir.uating way" of
penetrating the hide. And the pms
work loose, The fronts ofmy collar grsv-
ltate TO my ears. And the back is con-
stantIy asseulung the back of my head.
An industrious man would keep employ
ed IN resisting these assaults. Bat have
got used to them.
I'm ugly this morning 1 tipped over
an lnkstand and spoiled a carpet. 1 broke
a goblet, and got my foot in it." At
any rate l managed TO get piece Of the
glass in my foot. And after breakfast,
the landlord gave me a letter from a
creditor whom had supposed dead and
buried long ago. He is ''glad to learn l
am getting on so vel" and would be
pleased to get line from me-" The sa-
cred links of diSinterested friendship are
never broken. The creditor makes a good |
Damon. But the debtor makes a sorry
Pythias.
I'm ugly this morning woke up in
bad humor. 1 had bad dreams last
night. thought my mother-in- law had |
come to life again. And that she want |
ed US to come and live at "home" But |
even IN my dreams was not to be fool |
ed. 1 answered, "Ill see"-which, being |
interpreted, means az cuql'tsee ID"
l was saying that ''got up on my ear" |
this morning. My feet were swellsd, |
and my boots were shrunk l broke |
blood vessel in pulling at the straps and |
Kicking at the wainsco6ng; and the land |
lord wanted to know if l couldn't make |
little less noise It was lucky for him !
flavor of brown soap about my tooth
brush. Ny coffee was cold, and the watt
er was "absent minded"
| tIDDed Ovar the salt Last Dighi sTpbat
accounts for it." But have some salts
| faction. While 1 was dreaming of resar-
rected mother-in-law some fool entered
my room, and "went through" my pockets.
He got nothing but rejected manuscripts
and unreceipted billsl There was not
bank bill IN the lot. In all human prob
| ability he now quotes himself as more
| sinned against than shining" and is NOR
aliZing on disappointed hopes. And yet
am not happy. The washwoman puts
prodlgious amount of starch IN my linens.
I am at this moment suffering with an
acute attack of frayed neck-band. Its
| edge is like saw-teeth. 1t is decidedly
chatting, and am chafed
l was to have met friend on impor-
tant business this morning, but it rains
in torrents, and Joseph" failed to return
my umbrella. If it had not rained, he
probably would have returned it. My
umbrella is 'fair weather" one. When
the sun is shining and the birds are
singing, 1t stands IN the corner as serene
as an old fashioned clock, and seems to
| say, "at your service, SIR" When ii rains
| 1t Is always off on some foreign mission
| When l donPt want storm, 1 carry it
under my arm, and 1t Is negatively service
able. When 1 have apprehensiors of a
drouth L lend it to somebody, and it never
fails me. 1t is more reliable than .old
probabilities" 1t seems to possess an in
stinctlve aversion to getting wet. Unless
1t is IN the hands of some 'friend of the
family" Umbrellas are, by nature, mi
| grGtoTy. They are not tenacious in their
attachments. They take their cue from
| the weather. They are changeable. They
are treaky and tickle. Sometimes, after
an eventiul life, one will ceme back in old
age to its first love, but not often. An
umbrella Is dead open and shut"
L am atgLy Lllss morning. went to
new barber. He scraped my face with
dull razor, and seemed happy. He cut me
| twice, and did not seem afflicted at the
| sight of blood. 1 was patient until he
put part Of an old hat on the wounds,
Even then l should have departed in
peace If he had not proposed shampoo
ga7lg me. I would have harpooned him
then and there, but an industrious boot
black diverted my attention, and soothed
my sorrow.
+ I am ltgZg ttis nlOT3ling Ny wife says
l am too impatient" 1t Is a little IN
teresting to note how carefully she keeps
the little ones out of my way II may
be because she don't-Want them to annoy
me. Perhaps she imagines I might up
set their apple cart" In either case it is
commendable. Her words are kind and
toTcible. Her locks are mild and eloquent
Shels my good angel, God bless her. But
L am 3tgly ttfs morning. / am most
amlable atnight. Sometimes / wake up
Phllena and Phebe and darling little Per-
cy just to have 4 rough and and tumble
Jollltlcatlon before going to sleep. And
then, by way OF reciprocity, the some
times wake me up for quite another pur-
pose. l think ''paregone" should be la
beled-"gGre7s only at nlid7liqht and aUhe7i
hGf asleep" l have often made six con-
secutlve unsuccessful efforts to get a given
number of drops. At such tunes I am
generally relieved from duty" or promo
ted to holding the baby, candle, and a
spoon. l wouldn't Like to say which
role IS the most eongeniaL Either pre-
sents picture for an artist. If was an
artist l should paint only of these mid
night scenes and rest my chances of i'm
mortality on them l should steal in an
expectedly, at unreasonable hours, on
newly married couples. l should lie in
wait under their beds. should watch
and study their attitudes. And become |
immortal. Ia
|. I am atgLy this morning. An "agent"
has Just left me. He 'came to talk with
me about Life Insurance" I told him
that l was already ("fully'O insured. He
said could not have too much of it."
l tried to be patient and polite But he
talked so much and SO long about "pre.
miuns" and dividends" and "policies"
that finally became exhausted and ex-
asperated. 1 asked b5m-if he was present
at the great Chicago Jubilee. He answer
ed that life or endowment" policy was
my only hope. int mated that I had a
manuscript to finish that my time was
limited and that tie printers dellP'. a0as
at The door. He answered that the Cap
ltal' OF the Boring Life Insurance Co r
was unlimited and that their "dividends''
were payable semi-annually. l sugges-
ted that the Indian ''peace policy" of the
administrator was becoming unpopular.
de replied that the payment of premiums
would hardly be ielt." | Inadvertently
adVerted, with some >pathos, to the deaths
Va ONA Stoe0 I-0n. <dIt1 He totNedJ pSdt-i
ont a period, for clean hour bye the
match. And gave me the @mortuarY ta-
bles" in detail. And actually commenced
filing out an application !" Asking me
all sorts Of questions about the age of my
grandfather. And the habits of my grand
mother. I'D whether ! drank. And
smoked. Patience was ceasine to be a
virtue. / looked nsrVously at my watch
he said he was in no hurry. asked him
If he couldn't call again. He said be was
only going to the "cornerp and would
'idrop IN" on his way back. / suspect
that he has gone to renew his spirits lor q
renewal Of the attack Bot when he
"drops in" [ am fully resolved to ssiron1