The Hawaiian gazette., 1873-06-18
Variety.
BRET uAETE

Flousry speech" Good as wheat"
When is charity like bee When it begin;
10 hun.
Compulsory educatiOH-fo7ced to learn trade
10 The peniientiary.
Can a son be said to take after his father. when
the father leaves nothing 10 take?
Masons and Odd Fellows, like masons and bod
fellows ascending ladder, get up by degrees.
An old lady describes genius as L" a man what
knows more'n he can find out, and spills vittals
on his clothes"
a Texas paper speaks Of +" the death OF several
residents Of tins district by throat disease, super
induced by razorsu
This engine won't work, said fireman to
the ehieI Of The fire department. d" No wonder
was the reply; il was made to play
I; Is said that the glass-blowers who make lamp
oiiimneys know how to haw'em so that one out
OF every five viii break from heat.
'TEs said that William Tell shnddered when he
shot the apple from hIs boys head, because the
Dear child had such an arrow escape
What is the difference between the duties of a
valet and the duties Of nurse The first brushes
ones bat, the other bushes ones brat.
81 10 you want TO buy sewing machine ?" ask
ed an agent Of farmer. No" was the reply /;
-' ! always SOW my wheat out of a bucket"
Why is a man who makes additions to false
rumor Ike one who has confidence 10 all that is
sod Inn Because he relies on all that be hears
Amouutain settler IN Tennessee learned for the
first time the other day that Dayy Crockett was
dead, and he SAT down on log and cried like
child
10 you know that came near selling my
boots The other day ?" asked gentleman of bis
sweetheart How so ~ " Well my dear, l had
them halF-soled.-'
The defense OF a gentleman who had deprived
his neighbor Of his turkey aud roasted it was that
be found Il on his fence and seized it in payment
Of rent Of The fence.
A leading lecturer Classics his audience as fol-
lows; The siiIl-aitentives, the e quick-respon-
siFes the hard-to-lifis," the wont-applauds,"
and the a gei-upa0d-gO-Ouis."
A mosquito taper is a PIttsburg invention. 1t
creates such smell when burning that the mos
QuiiOes ask 10 be excused. 1t drives human be-
iuEs 0ut doors also, which is its only defect.
The chief OF police in Pitts6eld, Mass, lately
received q Telegram, requesting him to look out
Tor runaEar having black moustache five feet
Ten inches il height with a velvet coat"
A soToEing friend, writing of the death of an
ssiimubie lady, said She has gone to her eter-
ull rasL~ His dismay can only be family ina
rinsd when upon proof Of bis obituary no
tioe bsing sent to him, he read, She has gone to
her eternal r0Est-"
Yea seem to be little hOarse, my love" re-
marked Simplzins 10 his spouse, when she had a
o1ld. 4 little horse. indeed :" she REPLIED mis-
liking she personal allusion. Better be that
thau a islg mule
i Is estimated that there are sufficient num-
hers Of American citizens going out as special
and honorary commissioners 10 the Vienna Expo
sition 10 constitute quite respectable exposi-
tiou u their own country, they would only
say al home.
Er1es Ehleriing. Of Cincinnati, was curious
. experience the sensation Of falling Of four
s,uy house. The sensation was 60 overpower-
ing that Ernest could never enjoy anything on this
earth again 50 bis friends packed him in cOf-
fn, and be is nov supposed to be happy.
Ata meeting Of baker strikers in Elgin, Scot
land, an enthusiast concluded bis address with
The following:
ElHy tisc oook Of sousiand never CROW,
liay the ruse q England ucver blow,
risy the harp q Ireland never play,
III We POOR bakers Erf better rSy.n
Ike many other studious men, Buckle was
rresi Tea drinker he said that only one lady be
knew could make tea properly, and that he taught
her. Even she sometimes committed mistake,
and spoita a h7eWing by not sufficiently seasoning
the spoon with which she put the tea into the
pot
What would you give,P asked cOuceited
youug nan OF venerable gentleman sitting op-
pusiis 10 hin al the table, so be as young and
ETrishtly rs 1 an p The old gentleman reflected
a moment. and then sOlemuly said. . don't know
bui Ehai would be almost willing to be as fool
Isl ne y1a are