Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-08-07
The Garden Hose.

Ono more bright dream in life has col.
lapsed for US; and another " harp hangs
upon the willow" Only this isn't harp
but hosea garden hose. We INDUCED
in sweet visions early in Spring, with re-.
ference to keeping "the grounds" irriga-
ted with our own apparatus. "Let drought
come" we triumphantly exclaimed. eve
shall hose every flower that thursteth."
We sodded quite extensively for US, and
reserved certain selected pots for floral
display-then we bong BIT the hose. We
found launching the institution attended
with mechanical difficulty. Several expe-
ditions had to be made BY express to
change the hose to fit our faucets. Then
the plumber had to come and alter the
faucets to fit the hose. In these expert.
mental moments we had occasion to study
the immense squirting capacity of water
not properly regulated. It's astonishing
how soon you can deluge the kitchen, and
what aptitude there is for getting hit in
the eye, and all over yeur clothes, by
maynard leaks from q machine. Sci.
ence triumphed at last, and the hose
worked to charm. It was a. tight as u
and played magnl6cently, and
We opened . vigorous sprinkling cam.
raign. Two things we ascertained early,
that the feminine head Of tho family con.
sidered it her prerogative to superintend
tho Watering business, and getting wet
was foreordained part OF the transaction.
No matter how vol your hose is jointed,
you will be drenched in the operation !:
this Is matter of the "hieher law"
From the bay window we receive our
orders-"don's play 80 hard on the ver-
benas;' "put moro water on the vines :"
"why don't you soak tho grass?" "why
ON earth do you wet tho paths ?" Finding
that we were not likely to do this thing
right anyhow, and being little tired Of
playing " second fiddle" we retired from
active operation for few days and let
tAe boys take hand at it. If you want to
destroy tho serenity If Il neighhorhood,
the quickest way is to let q boy work q
garden hose. In ths first place be wants
to water the street, 10 the peril of travel
srs, instead of combining bis labors to tho
inside Of the fence. Then I'LL the other
boys within mile seem to know the TACT.
and they swarm like flies around the
youthful representative of rain. Then q
struggle commenced Tho boy Of tho
house lots his companions have it in the
face; they rotaliate by stamping over the
flowers, and stepping on the hose to pre-.
vent tho flow Of water, and a general row
ensues, only to be suppressed by Madame
in majestic state Of indignation, who
finally succeeds 10 Dispensing the rebels,
and proudly bears away the insulted in
strument to the back shed. We are in
formed, when We arrive home that all tho
children Of the neighborhood loft our
promises in condition Of Immersion, and
never while she lives is that hose to be
put again in the custody of boysp When
We undertake to water tho next time, We
are nervously conscious that our efforts
do not meet the expectations of the presid.
ing angel Of the household. She can
stand our incapacity no longer, and comes
out in . rural straw hat, and says: @lst
mo show you how to do it; men are 80
awkward" She grasps the hose as
woman 10 apt to grasp pistol, as though
she was little afraid it might 60 off sud.
denly, and the nozzle, having limp, down.
ward tendency. fires away very near her
tidy slipper. "Mercy ~ she utters, and
rect'tying tho range with u quick upward
she takos the lady in white
muslin, ringing tho bell at the next door,
with perfect line shot," Dropping the
hose, she begs pardon in the incest man.
ner, remarking that Mr.. has been
using tho hose and that it behaves shame.
fully" We sneak into tho house, with q
weight on our minds, and ut night we
dream that for some terrible offence we
have been sentenced 70 sprinkle the Desert
Of Sahara with q garden hose. Suffering
under the scorching rays of a tropical
sun, and alarmed at the appearance of
Arabs and bowling dervishes that dance
around ~, at the sight of water we
shrek in our midnight agony. We arc
awakened from our ightmare to be in
formed that we rade fuss and trouble
enough during the day not to make tho
night hideous." Any one wishing to pro.
cure q first class garden hose, in perfect
order can buy ono cheap of
us, on condition, they will exercise it in
another country Dinner.