The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-08-08
VOL. XIX. NO. A.
HUMOROUS.
Afeared OF a Sal.

O darn Il all la feared Of her,
And such mite Of gal; -
WHY, two of her size rolled into one
Won't ditto Sister Sal. -
Her voice is sweet as the whipporwills,
And the sunshines in her hair;
But I'd rather face redskins knife,
Or the grip Of grizzly bear.
Yet Sal says, "why, she's such dear,
She's lust the one for you"
o darn il all la feared of gal,
And me just six feet twol
Though she ainT any sise while I'm
Considerable tall.
I'm nowhere when she speaks to me,
She makes me feel so small.
Nv face grows red my tongue gets hitehed,
The cussed thing won't go;
It riles me- cause 1t makes her think
I'm most tarnation slow.
And though folks say she's sweet on me,
guess it can't be true.
o darn 1t all Ia feared Of gal,
And me just six feet two!
NV sakes. lust 'spose if what the folks
Is saying should be so!
Go, Cousin Jane, and speak 10 heri
Find out and let me know;
Tell her the gals should court the Ineh'
For lana this leap yearf ,,r
That's why I'm kind OF bashful Ike,
Awaiting for her here.
And should she hear I'm scared OF hsr'
You'll swear il can't be true,
o darn it all la feared Of gal,
And me lust six feet two!
The surfeiting we all undergo dur
inc the season of fruit brings into action
the family pill-box. 1t is little singu-
lar how much hunting has to be done TO
find that box. The party who last
needed it's services doesn't remember
where he left it, and doesn't care 10
think of it at all, while he whose turn
now occurs isn't actually tortured TO
death by anxiety. We are not quite
gure but that there is faint hope down
somewhere in his breast that it may not
he found at all. He feels Jumps form
ing in his throat as he peers among the
bottles and boxes which constitute the
pbarmacy at his house, and when the
box finally appears, and he feels 1t IN
his hand. there is a sensation at the PIT
of his stomach as if somebody was try
ing to turn that organ over with an ola
brass candlestick. Some people swallow
a dose of pills without qualm, and
afterwards go round looking as PROUD
and oyerbearing as a boy whose father
pIays in band, but the most OF us are
more delicately constituted, and count
ing out a dose of pills while some one
else gets the water, and observe that ne
doesn't see how any one can swallow the
awful things. is about as serious an
undertaking as can be found on record.
There is something too awfully solemn
aborlt il to describe. And it Is little
singular that while a man can swallow
whole whortleberries, cherry pits, and
even buckshot, without any uneaslness
at all, yet single pill will catch IN ms
throat, at particular tickllsh spot, anu
hang there four hours, and make 1aGes
at his stomach. And a man In tlx llKe IL :
that is not exactly the party we Woulo
select to concoot notices for testlVal'-
DaSs6ury Neeos. ...-
Modest assurance-Lady of the
bouse. "Well, Millicent, how do you
like your new horse, Roland ?" MILL
cent: go immensely But he wants
a firm hand, you know. He'd very soor
run away with me if / gave hlm
chance wouldn't he, Robert ?" Robert
Arst cousin to Millicent Run away
with YOU, if you gave him chance
Nv George. if 1 can Judge Of Roland s
feelings by my own, I should just thlni
he would.
A philosophical Kentucnan wh'
had but one shirt, and was lying IN be'
while the garment was drying on tn
.clothes-line in the yard, was startled D,
an exclamation from his wife to Tn
effect that "The calf had eaten 1t.
"WeIl." said the Kentuclkian, with
spirit worthy of better cause, "well
them who has must lose.
A st. Louis jury in libel SUI
brought by a moman against q new Vo
paper brought in verdict Oh Sou
damages, with the explanation that tne
! at first greed to call it one cent, but nc
! wishing to be rough on the Plantl
, changed it to $500, Knowing that 81
. couldn't collect it.
-Well-informed old lady to poll'
voung tourist $50 you've come to Sc
fbe beauties of the neighborhood, hi'y
von9 Well, then, there amt none
see. for they're Just all on EN- I'll
1,Io;npst- faced. commonplaced wench'
D about these parts there is to be foun
in ali the wide world, and so tell 'ee
A Boston high-school girl, lu
i graduated, said III her essay Leu
b avoid the frivolities Oh lie ana Purs5.
! the noblest ends only" The next d'
n she was moved to tears IN an agohizli
= attempt to decide the proper sDade
Il blue for her complexion.
:. Engineer Osborn of the Plttsbu
&C road seeing an obstruction on the ira
N near Bedford, one day last week, sto
l. ned his train and discovered that /
at cow-catcher had caught up a little gi
d She was but slightly hurt, though Il
a slightly frightened.
ld There's an old lady with false tee
lie ont west who wants to know II the Ii
lg KEGS can't invent some new way OF p'
III ting on pillow-cases meanwhile
I'd ro;3s tba cases against the wall and drc
ld the pill ows in.
a debating society discussed
81 ouestion, "Is it wrong to cheat Ia
le p yer?" After full discussion and matI a1a
e deliberation, the decision was,
ao ~ wrong, but too difficult to pay tor
- trouble"
'??S A western editors statement,
"a are living at this moment under absol'
M Mha despotism," is attributed by his conte
ho noraries to the fact that he has ]
nd been married.
,e- New Jersey people don't say eli
,at right out, but remark: Sir, you
IT'S mind me of my iamented brother,
ng could pervert truth with the grea'
yas ease"
en A fulI crown African lion is roi
W ing ABOUT OlhIhS OCuh'J1
ow never since the state was settled h
ere boys been so reconciled to the early
us bed dogma.
nat 1t is proposed to stretch r
tu- across above the Niagra falls to SIT
lth the sanguine people who persist IN E
Ute boiling near the rapids in their Il
io canoe.
es, What's the date of your bustl
Ono was what an anxious papa asked
40 well-dressed daughter, after search
,sU ,~O for the latest copy of his paper.
Us The most widespread case OF
,;tb complaint on record is in house
ors Pine street, where thirty boarders
wo- it. But it is cheaper than other n
of It will cost the dark-eyed son o
The alv one hundred dollars to pick
ma tuneful harp or scrape the sad cat
ent in the streets of Detroit, in future.
cia- An enterprising dog in Uticasec
Ire. samples from the clothing OF E
lightning rod peddlers within hal
bour after recent thunder storm.
be- "A pair of Nevada lovers have
ness Oanizei very pleasant way OF isp
heir mo their evenings. He holds the
e of under his arm while she grinds It's