Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-07-25
Il UMOR

A Chicago jenkins wrote rapturousty Of
the toilet Of particular lady at the jubilee
ball. It subsequently, appeared that many
a lady there was dressed far more elegantly.
Moreover, the lady he named was not IN
full dress toilet. She was not, in fact, at
the ball, being in Europe on that occasion.
With these trifing errors excepted, Jenkins
was right.
An amateur snake.fancier, whose neigh
bors complain of him for keeping poa.con-
strictors on the roof Of his house, defends
himself by saying that be supposes he can
put any sort Of tiles he pleases on bis roof,
and that he prefers reptiles
Somebody has written work entitled
"Useful Hints for Ugly Girls" and the
New York Commercial Advertiser de-
clares that the book has the smallest circula.
ton of any literary production in the Uni
ted States.
An erudite insurance agent sent the fol-
lowing dispatch to Yves ern Office just af-
ter the Boston fire Our companies all
sound as a nut. Loss will not exceed
S10O, 600 Advance rates 25 per cent
and 20 ahead Our motto is still Soc ct tn
en-"
The Boston "Globe" thinks it is unkind
to ridicule those items in the papers abou
centenarians 1t says it is no easy thing to
become centenarian, and it knows severa
who failed, one, particularly, who had been
at it 81 years and has not yet succeeded.
In an Office in Boston hangs sign with
the following inscription People are for
hidden to spit tobsker JUG on the flor. :"
Chorus of the New York papers, els this
the Athens of America -
ssDoes one woman in 6fty fl the lower
half of her lunes with air 2" is the steri'
inquiry of sanitary exchange. The edi
tor Of that paper never heard the voice of
an Infatuated mother-in-law.
An exchange says: ''When you see
bareheaded man following cow through
the front gate, and filing the air with
garden implements and profanity, you
may know that his cabbage plants have
been set out
How to drive away ants is If they are
married aupts borrow some money from
their husbands If they are single. let 'em
take care Of the baby for the afternoon,
while your wife goes to a matinee.
In a recent article on a fair in his locali-
ty, the editor OF Western paper says
brother editor took a valuable premium. but
an unkind policeman made him put it right
back where he took it from.
A scientific friend who has been reading
with patience an exhaustive treatise on the
velocity of light" says he now knows how
it is that his gas bills run up so rapidly.
1t is a remarkable fact that the moment
woman writes letter she is frantic to put it
in the post Office, although she may have
been putting off the writing for six months.
tits suggested that persons who 60 about
with their Cashmere sbawis turned inside out
to show that hey are genuine. should adopt
the custom of walking on their heads to
show that their boots are soled
The wife Of Louisville lawyer made
hustle of some important legal documents,
and court had to adjourn until she could 20
home and return with them in proper
shape
The temperance societies are disguised
with August Pickard. Of Rochester, who is
100 years old, uses tobacco to excess, and
has a weakness for mixed drinks
The success of the balloon experiment,
now on the carpet, will prove whether or
not it IS Wise to cross the Atlantic.
People who are always wanting some.
thing new should try neuralgia
Weight for the wagon" sang the fat
lady.
Spots on the sun-Freckles on your boys
face
Rather contradictory-Gay's grave.