Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1873-01-23
ITEMS.

CalifOrnians are picking ripe water
melons when it is cool enough to go out
on shady afternoons.
Gen. Crook reports fifty-seven more
Apaches permanently put in reservation
on the happy hunting-grounds.
A gentleman. on being asked whether
he was weather-wise, said no, but, on
the other hand, he was otherwise.
A New York street car conductor
says: eyes, ma'am'' to the ladies. A
statue of him is already proposed.
A down East shop-keeper advertises:
"Quart bowls of all sizes for sale cheap"
The smaller sizes are to measure berries
with.
A contemporary thinks that sky-blue
is pretty color for ceilings, but not
tasty for country milk at eight cents a
quart.
Go to strangers for charity, acquain-
tances for advice, and relatives for moth
ing, and you will always have good
supply.
The most anxious mothers in Duluth
think that ice fourteen inches thick Is
safe enough to let their little boys go
skating on.
Let no man complain of female ex-
travagance nowadays. Queen Eliza
beth had three thousand dresses and
eighty wigs.
A Columbus, (O.) bootblack, having
amassed competence in his profession,
has purchased 4 hand-organ and retir-
ed to enjoy life.
The mormons are petitioning Heaven
to prevent the spread of smallpox in
their lovely valley unless it can be con-
fined to the Gentiles.
SIS that marble:" said a gentleman,
pointing to the bust of Kentucky's
great statesman. "No, sir; that is Clay
quietly replied the dealer.
John Jones, of Keokuk, smoked the
rats from between some false floors, and
burned his house down. He made it
hot for the rats, though.
A man advertises for competent per-
son to undertake the sale of a new med
icine, and adds that cit will prove highly
lucrative to the undertaken"
Men are frequently like tea, the real
strength and goodness are not properly
drawn out of them until they have been
for short time in hot water.
What is the difference between
crushed hat and the intoxicated son OF
wealthy parents? One is cylinder
stove and the other is an heir tight.
A man named Bradley went out gum
ming in Vermont, the other day, with
his powder loose in his coat pocket. His
widow is now getting up rattle for his
gun.
Mrs. Partington has so often seen the
heading, &" Another ministerial crisis in
Spain," that she has concluded that
preachers are getting thinned out in
that country.
A musket ball, after seven years of
vain exploration for permanent resi-
dence lot in the brain of Capt. Lauren,
of New Holstein, Wis, recently walked
out of his. ear.
An old lady was admiring the beauti-
full picture called "Saved." "It's no
WONDER" said she, shat the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water"
A Titusville monster says that the
Jury in the Stokes ''verdicted." His
neighbors propose to grind up his bones
and send the powder to some Philadel-
phia sugar refinery.
A soldier telling his mother of the
terrible fire at Chickamauga, was asked
by her why he didn't get behind tree.
''Tree" said he, "there wasn't enough
trees for the officers"
|
A Boston manufacturer advertises n
patent shoe that will prevent horses
from "balling." Spicer says this is not
new idea, as Mrs. S. has used a shoe
often to stop the young Spicer's bawl-
ing.
Observation-Disclosures
Bonaparte has greater space between
him and the French throne than had
his father when a London policeman.
But then his name reaches good part
of the way.
There were two astonished families
at Bangor, Maine, on Thanksgiving
morning. The milkman delivered
can of pure milk to one and pure water
to the other, by reason of a mistake in
filling the cans.
A Milesian born on the last day OF the
year, ielicitatcs himself on the narrow
escape from not being born ut all. "Be
jabers," says he, "and If it had not been
till the next day, what would have be-
come of me?'
An old lady of Plymouth Mass, af-
ter kindling her fire few mornings
since, had a hunt for her cat, whose
cries could be plainly heard, and at last
found her shut in the stove oven, rapid
ly dancing from one pair of feet to an
other.