davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
DALLAS, TEXAS SATURDAY MORNING., April. 10, 1873

Der of emmy club, don't bet on clek-
shuns, and git shaved at least
three times q week.
Find out all about her mother,
see if she hez got n heap ov good
common sense, study well her
likes and dislihes, eat sum ov her
hum.made bread and apple dump
Inns, notiss whether she abuses all
over her nabors, ask her servants
how long they hav lived thare, and
don fail tew observe whether her
dresses are last years ones fxt
over.
If yu are satisfied that tho mo.
Their would make the right kind ,ov
n mother.in law yu can safely kon.
klude that the dauter would mako
tho right kind ov a wife.
After these prelimiparics arc all
settled, and yu hay done Il reason.
able amount ov sparkling, ask the
young lady for heart and hand;
and if she refuaes, yu can konsider
yourself euchered.
If, on the kontrary, she would
say yes, git married at once, with
out emmy fuss and feathers, and pro,
coed to take the chances.
say take the chances, for thare
amt no Iccipce for perfek wife,
emmy moro than there IL for per.
felS husband,
There IL just % menny good
wives as thme IL good husbands,
and | novorr know two people
married or single, who were deter
mined tew make themselves agree
able tew each other, but what they
succeeded.
Name your your oldest boy some
good stout name, not after some
hero; but should the first boy be n
girl, | ask as o favor to mo that yu
kaul her Rebekker.
| do want some ov them good old
fashioned tuff girl names revived
and extended.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
THE LOUISIANA TROUBLES.

TIE LUulSlANA TROUBLES.
WAsuTNGroN, April ATTORNEY Gem
erol has instructed United States Dis
irict Attorney Beckwith to make n
thorough investigation of tho affair in
Grant Parish, aud ii the Uritel States
laws have been violated, to spare no
pains or expense TO cause the military
parties TO be arrested, and, if necessary
to rSecute any United States process, to
call upon Gen. Emery for that purpose,
who has been instructed by the Acting
Secretary of War to give them all aid
The attorney General forwarded full
copies Of the kilograms received by him
to day TO Acting Secretary of War Robe
son, with request that the commanding
oincer at New Orleans be informed as to
tie necessity of military aid. II such
necessity should exist, the Acting Secre-
tary OF War, in his dispatch to Gen. Eu-
cry, Instructed that officer to render all
the military MD necessary 10 enforce the
process Of United States courts.
Indian Commissioner Smith has dis
solved the ModCc peace commission.
the MODcC POSITION.
Professor Hayden, in charge of the
united States expedition for the geologic
al survey Of the Territories who last year
visited the lava beds in Oregon now OCcu-
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
Easao Insurance.

The late Alexander Sessums of Galveston,
was insured in the following life com
maniac
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
Dallas Real Estate Building
Association.
Associated Press Dispatches to The Dai-
las Daily NcrnId.


AOtNlNV SESSION.
AUSTIN, April IS,
HoUsE.~-A petition from eau daloupo
asking to be attached to Wilson from the
citizens of Upshw asking for new
county.
Bills introduced Prohibiting railroads
and steamboats, from making distncti on
on accounted color; reducing the mileage
aud pay of tho members OF the Legislatures
regulating the sales of university lands
The commit &c GA constitutional amend
mens reported q joint resolution favOring
a convention in October, and that an
election for delegates be held in Aug -
three from each District an act autho riz,
ing Hunt 10 levy a special tax. Passed.
The school bill was thsn called up and
discussed to adjournment
SENATE,--The impeachment charges
against Judge Scott which were reported
from the House yesterday evening, were
received and referred to cOmmitte-
Shelly Findlay and Fountain---to prepare
Tor trial.
The Tracy and Stewart contest was de-
cded by one vote in favor Of Tracy
BrOughton, Hall and Pyle voting with tho
Radicals.
The House resolution regarding the
Federal action in Louisiana passed. 1t
expresses sympathy with that State
Bills passcd--Private Incorporating act
amending the pena code. This provides
penalty for disturbing public Worship
Tor the better protection Of agriculture;
authorizing Basque county to levy
tax to build court house; Incorporating
the dallas Real Estate Building Associa-
ton
The Senate discussed the apporiOnment
bill. Referred. GUESS.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
Life As l Find It.
MARK TWAIN.

The man lives in Philadelphia,
who, when young and poor, enter
ed bank, and says ho "Flease,
sir, don't you want boy ?" And the
stately parsonage said: "No, little
boy, | don't want u little boy"
The little boy,whose heart was too
full for utterance, chewing u piece
oflcorico he had bought with u cent
stolen from his good and pious
aunt with sobs plainly audible,
and with great globules Of water
running down his checks, glide ST,
lently down the marble steps ofthe
bank. Bending his noble form,
the bank man lodged behind n
door, for he thought the little boy
was going to shy n stone at him.
But the little boy picked up some
thing, and stuck it in his poor but
ragged jacket,
"Come here, little Boy" and the
little boy did come here and the
bank man said: "Lo, what pickest
thou up? And he answered and re-
piled; "a pin" And the bank man
said "LittIe boy, are you good ?"
and he said he was. And tho bank
man said GLOW do you vote?-cx-
cuse me, do you go to Sunday
school?' and he said he did.
Then the bank man took down u
pen made Of pure gold and flowing
on pure ink, and he wrote on n
piece of paper :,"St. Peter, "and he
asked the little boy what it stood
for, and he said: Salt Peter"
Then the bank man said it meant
Saint Peter" Then the little boy
said: "OhW
Then the bank man took the lit
tie boy to his bosom, and the little
boy said "OhW again, for he
squeezed him.
Then the bank man took the lit.
tie boy into partnership and gave
him half the profits and all the cap
ital and he married the bank man >
daughter, and now all he has is all
his, and all his own, too.
My uncle told me this story, and
! spent six weeks picking up pins
in front of bank. | expected the
bank man would call me in and
say: "Little boy, are you good ?"
and | was going tosay: Yes" and
when he asked me. what" st.
John" stood for, | was gotug
to say"Salt john" But the bank
man wasn't anxious to have q part
nry, and | guess the daughter was
IL son. for one day, says he to me, !:
"Littlo boy, what's that you are
picking up?' Says I, awful meek
ly, "Pins," Says he; Lets see
EN-" And he took EN-, and | took
off my cap, all ready to go in the
bank, and become partner and
marry his daughter. But didn't
get an invitation lie said "Those
pins belong to the bank, and if J
catch you hanging around here
any more I'll set the dog on you y
Then | left, and the mean old cuss
kept the pins. Such is life as | find
il.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
weather Report
PROBABILITIES.

WASHINGTON, April 1S,--The lowest
barometer will continue on Saturday over
the lower lakes, and the storm centre on
Massachusetts, Bay will continue moving
towards Nova Scotia. For Northern New
England and the lower lakes continued
cloudy and clearing weather, with wester-
ly winds. For the Northern States west
erly winds, rising Temperature and gen.
orally clear weather, except on the Texas
coast, where southerly winds with favor
able weather are moro probable. For the
upper and lower lakes and tho Northwest,
rising barometer northcrly winds and
clear weather.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19

New YORK, April 1S.-Stocks quiet,
firm. Gold steady lT1. Money firm at |
to per cent. Exchange, long 7, short s.
Governments dun, heavy, State bonds
heavy. Cotton quiet; sales 700; uplauds
l9ii Orleans 1917 Flour dull, easier; SD
pertine State 8 10 to G 50; round hoop
Ohio to 10 so.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
Advertising Rntes.

One Square (tcn lines of this s2s type) one usor-
tion, 81. Each subsequent Insertion, 90 cents.
Special Notices, next to reading ma tier 81 20 per
square each insertion. Local Notices in reading or
editorial columns, 20 cents per lire each Insertion.
BJ-specal reduced rates made for longer periods
10 Advertisements payable in advance, unless
with these doing regular business undcr contract.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
Picking Out A Wife.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Find a girl that is nineteen years
old last May, about right height,
with blue eye and dark brown
hair and white teeth.
Let tho girl be good to look at,
not to phond Of musk, o firm dis
believer in ghosts and ov six chill,
dren in the same family.
Look well to the karakter Of her
father, sec that no IL not the mem.
The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-04-19
THE DAILY HERALD
ID runLrnEp ByERr MORNING., ny
JNO. W. SWINDELLS Il GO.


one year, ,.,...,,, .,..,..,...,.. .."...,rSl0 On
SIX monthS, 90
lhFt' HloulNN''''''s, w
Per week delivered by carrier ,,..,",."".,,,,. 80
Per mohlh'""''''''',.'.'..,,,,. on
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22

9eetrp.
=
SONG GF TEaE OMNIBUS
HORSE.

The night is both chee-less and cold
Lam chilled by the fierce, driving rain
I'm wea-y. and dreary, and old,
ind sink from exhaustion and pain.
Ny shoes asc aL6,t;ng AMI worn,
Ny driver is brutal and cross,
Ny strength sud endurance are gone
ain only an omnibus horse!
! Sand at tic theatre door
Long after she-end of the show;
I'm l.shod I'LL my wi,hers are sore,
And urged through the sleet and tie
snow,
I'm hsrnessed before the day breaks,
MYfood Is unwholesome and coarse,
I'm beaten till every bone aches
No one cares for al omnibus horse
o yc Who grow rich on the toll
OF the lasosing aesh ye employ,
Aud live on the fat Of the soil,
And every bright blessing enjoy,
Pc Lind TO the humble and poor,
# you'd free your last days from re.
morse
AS they pass, let them not, at your door,
Feel like me, poor omnibus horse.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22

ANOTHER Man WANTED.-Old
Farmer Pettingill went into his house
one day and caught John, the hired
man, hugging Mrs. P.
The farmer said nothing, and went
out into the field.
After dinner he wanted John for
something, but John was not to be
found.
He went, at last, into Johns room,
where the latter was on his knees
packing his trunk.
whats the matter, John?" said
"Oh nothing" replied John.
"What are you packing your trunk
for?"
20, you know" answered John.
"No, I don't KNOW" rejoined P,
';come give me the reason of your
sudden desire to 60 away.
"Wel," meekly answered John,
''you know what you caught me doing
this forenoon p
20, pshaw ! laughed Pettingill, "do
not be so foolish. If you and ne can't
hug the old woman enough, I'll hire
another man"
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22
HOW DANIEL DREW SPELLS
DOOR.

The Chicago Post vouches for
the following story: A good
story is told by Q friend of Daniel
Drew, which the news off his ILL.,
ness calls up. Remaining one
evening late in his Office, and hav-
ing occasion to use the safe, he
permitted the cashier to 90 homo,
remaaking that he would close the
safe and fix the combination on
the word "door." But when tho
cashier undertook to open the
safe in the morning he found that
the lock refused to yield to the
magic "door." lie tried and tried
again, but without success. Final
", happening to remember that
"Dan'l's' carly education had
been neglected, he attributed his
i'll luck to poor orthography. He
therefore tried the lock upon
"dorc." Still no success; and then
upon "doar," with no better for
tune. Finally, becoming disgust
ed, he proceeded to the St. Mich
olas, routed "Dan'r' out of his
choicest morning nap, and as he
stuck his nightcap out of the door
this colloquy cnsued: Mr.. Drew,
[ can't open the safe on door
You must have concluded to
change the word" "Change the
word! Nothin' O. the kind. I shut
it on door" care you sure, sir ?"
"Snre, sir, you tarnal ape; of
course I'm sure! Go back to your
work, and don't come foolin' roun'
here this time O. the morning"
"We!! perhaps, Mr.. Drcw I don't
spell the word right. How do you
spell it?" "Spell it! Any fool can
spell door. D-o-a-r-e, doare, of
course Sir. If you can't spell door,
sir, you're no cashier for me. Pack
up your duds and 60 out Of the
door," And shutting the "door"
in the cashiers face, Daniel re-
turned to his bed in passion, and
the clerk to his safe. Armed with
the open sesame. "doare," however,
the safe few open without further
trouble, and when Daniel arrived,
Modified by a good breakfast and
his morning prayer. he advised his
cashier be might keep his place
provided he would improve his
time and go to spellin' skool in
the evenin."
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22
RUSTICUS AT THE HOTEL.

A dusty, sun-browned stranger
stalked into one of our principal
hotels early one e7cning, laid a
big black yalise, which had per-
haps made quite i smart appear
ance In its youth. carefully beside
him, and, with a hand unaccus-
toned to public writing, scrawled
with great exertion the name of
Lorenzo Smith upon the register.
"WiIl you have some supper,
Mr.. Smith ?" asked the clerk.
"Wall, no, l guess not" returned
the rustic gentleman. "The folks
at home put up good bit ofgrub,
and tbar's enuff left in this yere
carpot-bag for a supper, I reck-
on"
The clerk smiled, and the coun-
tryman and bis corpulent carpet
bag were shown to their room
Country was somewhat dazed a:
its magnifcence, but he was hun
cry, ard, placing the satchel on
the center table, be drew forth q
large chunk Of boiled ham, nu-
merous pieces of cold chicken,
several enormous doughnuts, and
half-a-dozen hard-boiled eggs
He was about to absorb the inca.
ger repast into his starving sys.
TEN, when his eyes caught sight
of the "rules for guests" tackled
Supon the door. he go: up and
read them aloud. lie came tc
the last one, and read, t'Meais in
room charge extra" He read II
again, this time slowly. avail, ]
be DANCED" be calculated, and
turning to the table, in an instant
he had removed the ham, dough
nuts, eggs, and all into the omniv
orous carpet-sack, and in another
instant he was down in. the Office
where he accosted the clerk with
Il see, stranger yer sign up thai
III my room says meals in rooms
charged extra"
EYES," responded the clerk, wht
recognized the customer Of a fe j
minutes ago. and could scarcely
repress his risibles. One dolla
extra"
"Wall, I'll be consarn d.
screamed the verdant, "Iguess tn,
expense ola hot meal won't b.
much more" and beckoning to
bell-boy he called OUT, "Hy'ar
boy, show me the way to ye
kitchen = and d moment later H.
was in the hands of the walters.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22

A TRAGEDY INDEED.-One of the
most heartrending stories of the year
says the Lacrosse (Wis.) Democrat,
comes from Fond du Lac. A young
lady was passing through piece Of
ground a adjoining g a farm house
with her lover when the girl was at
tackled by savage dog. Before her
l 'scorr could protect her the dog had seiz-
ed her by the breast and torn the
breast from her body. When the
young man saw the dog shaking a
portion of the body of his intended he
tainted away. The young lady how
ever. did not faint. She was so NOR
titled that she seized a fence rail aud
she went for that dog, and she pound
ed him until he laid still. When her
lover recovered, the young woman
was trying to hide one of the wire
screens that people put over plates to
keep the flies off. It seems that the
dog didn't draw blood, owing to the
fashions at Fond du Lac, which is
needless to describe. However, there
is great excitement at Fond du Lac
and the young man has broken off his
engagement and has bought that dog
what there is left of him and he is
going to Set him again.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22

ly from thu superior wealth of
London itself, for great rs it is, it
is not i tithe Of the money dealt
in every day in Lombard street.
1t rests upon the fact that people
Of all countries trust implicitly
their surplus money to the keep.
ing of London banks and bankers,
and in turn 90 to them just as
implicitly for money when they
want it, knowing that. no matter
with whom they deal, after all and
back Of all, there is the Bank Of
England, which takes care Of the
money-market and prevents any
possibility Of such combinations
as we are constantly hearing of in
New York. BY raising and low
ering the rate of interest, and by
doing it frequently and always
keeping it adjusted to the actnaI
needs Of the money market it is
in q state of constant wholesome
activity, and it is not, like Wall
street, as we have too much reason
to know to our cost, made the
football of desperate spectators.
The account given by Mr.. Bagc-
hot Of the relations of the great
elements Of the money market
the Bank Of Of England, the joint
stock banks, private bankers, and
bill discounters, shows that We have
all these except the Bank Of Eng
land. 1t is like having all the
parts ola steam engine and set
ting it to work to find that there
is no governor, and, with about
the same result, want of control,
producing a waste of fuel, an ine-
quality in the amount Of power,
and just such q want Of confidence
rs we see in our money market,
as compared to the safe and
steady movement ofbusiness in
Lombard street.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22
DRINK, But REMEMBER.

lfyou think it is your duty to
drink Intoxicating liquors by all
means do so. On no account violate
your conscientious convictions,
but while You raise the cup to your
lips, remember that this drauy yht
! represents the bread Of q starvin g
brother, for the food of at least six
million persons is yearly graspcd
by the matter and distiller, and
its nourishment destroyed.
Remember that so long as you
are in health, these liquors are un-
necessary, two thousand medical
men have asserted it, and hundreds
Of thousands of teetotallers have
proved it.
Remember that most persons
who act as YOU do injure their
health and shorten their lives by
so doing.
Remember that not drunkenness
alone, bnt drinking, fills our jails
and tentiaries c S, our poor
houses, and our lunatic asylams;
employs our coroners and our
hangmen, and works mischief in
calculab!e on all ranks and both
sexes, of which humane institu.
tlon takes cognizance.
Remember that drinking re-
tards education, industry, and ev-
cry branch Of political and social
improvement.
Remember that multitudcs year
ly die drunkard's deaths and 90 to
meet drunkard's doom.
Remember that every year mul-
titudcs fall from your ''moderate"
ranks to recruit the wasted army
Of drunkards.
Remember that every drunkard
once tried to follow the example
you set, and on trial fell from his
slippery ground into the whirl-
pool Of intcmperance.
Remember that if you sanction
the custom, you are answerablc
for its fruits.
Remember that the weak and
tempted ones look to you, and that
under God it depends on you
whether they may be drunkards
or sober men.
Remember that "to him that
knoweth to do good and doeth it
not, to him it is sin," and that
there is "a woe for that man
through whom offense comcth to
the little ones"
Remember that you cannot be
neutral, that there will be . day
when you will be unable to plead
ignorance.
Remember that all this weight
Of responsibility rests upon you.
as you raise that cup, if you think
it right. but we envy not your
consclance.-London Temperance
Star.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22

SLEEP As A MEDIc1NE.-Thc cry
for rest has always been louder
than the cry for food. Not that
it is more important, but it is Of
ten harder to obtain. The best rest
comes from sound sleep. Of two
men Or two women, otherwise
equal, the one who sleeps the
best will be the most moral,
healthy and efficient. Sleep will
do much to cure irritability Of
temper, peevishness, uneasiness.
1t will restore to vigor an over.
worked brain. It will build up and
make strong a weary body. It
will cure a headache. 1t will cure
the heartache. It will cure q
broken spirit. 1t will cure sor-
row. Indeed we might make q
long list Of nervous and other ma
ladies that sleep will cure. The
cure Of slceplessness requires a
clean, good bed, sufficient exercise
to produce WEAKNESS, pleasant oe-
cupatlon, good air, and not too
warm room, clear stomach, q
clear conscience and avoidance of
stimulants and narcotics. For
t h ose who are overworked,
haggard, nervous, who pass sleep
less nights, we commend the adop-
ton of such habits as shall secure
sleep IT b W S e, life will be
short, and what there is of it sad
ly imperfect.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22
A PRACTICAL JOKER.

OF existing practical jokers, per-
haps tho most remarkable is .
French musician. If he has not
arrived at the proud pinnacle on
iy attained by Hook, it may
be because opportunity is wanting,
or such things are hardly regard
ed in the same innocent light now
as they were thirty Or forty years
ago, and arc punishable otfenses.-
By profession 4 French horn play
cr, whether his jokes are used as
method Of reclame or not, we do
not care TO determine about. As
an artist he stands without ri.
val. On his instrument he possess
scs an ampzeur, q purencss ofsound,
= degree Of feeling, a power Of ex
ecuting, which arc unsurpassed.
lie has even accomplished the
impossible on this difficult in
strumcnt, playing distinct first
and second or an accompaniment,
all at the same time. But even
the wonderful musical attain.
ments he possesses are subserv-
lent to his practical jokes
Playing every known instrument
with wonderful skill, a true Bohc.
mian, he has been known to de-
light public fair, followed by an
attendant in a cart, in which was
a piano and stock Of instruments,
and to play on each one in turn;
only that instead Of receiving
money from the crowd he would
distribute it after the perform
ance. ufcourse this brought such
a throng that all the booths were
deserted, and the business of the
fair had to be discontinued until
the gratuitous musician was re-
moved. Going to London some
years ago, ho became such . nui-
sance that the guardians Of the
peace were only glad when his
musical engagements were owe!
and he left for France. A favorite
ite amusement OF his was to leave
his lodgings with a dressing-case
IN his hand, and going to a cab
station to select a certain vehicle,
getting inside he would direct
cabby to drive to some public
square, selecting one Of the most
thronged in London. Having
arrived there he would order a
halt, and request the coachman to
block the wheels. Inside the cab
our practical joker would take off
his coat, put on y robe de cham
bre, and then proceed to unpack
his dressing.case. A small mirror
would then be hung to the car
riage windows, and on the seats
would be arranged all the articles
necessary for a most luxurious
shave. Calmly unconscious ofthe
first two or three little boys, who
were watching the operation,
somewhat amazed at seeing a
mans face covered with lather,
gazing at them in the most undis-
turbed manner, this tiny nucleus
would very soon form the centre
Of a large crowd. Certainly from
the deliberate movements Of the
gentleman in the cab nothing but
the most perfect shave would sat,
isfy him. The assemblage would
split their sides at the comical
way with which he approached
the ncighborhood Of his nose,
when shaving his upper lip, or
shrek with horror, fearful that
they would witness a suicide, as
he would draw his razor across
his throat. At last the street
would become impossible, and a
policeman would enter on the
scene, edging his way with diff
Guilty through the crowd, and the
matter would end By the arrest oi
the practical joker as disturbel
Of the public peace. Before the