The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-05-03
VARIETY.

TnE How CrRcUr-Walking about with baby
in the night.
Ar Public AUCrIOS.-They propose to put the
United States SenatOrship up at public auction in
the Kansas Legislature in the future.
Four new ferryboats are to be put on the river
at Louisville, To accommodate the Indianians who
want to drink, but can't ia their native State
owing TO oppressive temperance laws.
The SUPERIOR RACE.-Chung Loo Wing, a
MOngOlian emigrant agent in Louisiana, has put
his convictions into the following formula
''One Chinese man lickee four niggles alice tmee
MARTYk TO PRAYR.-Mrs. Davidson. of
Green Bay, don't believe in pounding children,
but Is nevertheless under arrest for making her
boy John repeat the Lords prayer until he fell
down in a fit.
FEMALE POLTICs.-Did our young readers ever
hear their young lady acquaintances ask each
other - What's your pDlitcs?' and then giggIe
The question has hidden meaning. For expla-
nation apply to the Erst lady you know who wears
a large hustle.
The TMcxEsT.-A political orator, speaking of
n certain gentleman whom he admired, said he
was always on the field of battle, where the bull
lets were the thicke4E. 'Where was that?' "In
the ammunition wagon
LETTER or INTRoDUcTION.-A gentleman going
to Texas asked a friend for letter of intrOduc-
tion. The friend opened drawer, took out
large and handsome spring-bladed dagger-knife
and a six chambered revolver, and gave them to
him.
NEw KIND OF DIvORCE-A Wisconsin Justice
of the Peace divorced n couple recently as fol-
lows: lie placed them IN the middle of the floor
backs together, and as they walked away from
each other he repeated the marriage ceremony
backwards.
MODEL VERDIcTs.-A New Orleans jury de-
clared n to have come TO his death by an
unknown cart About par with this is the
Philadelphia verdict respecting a man who had
been crushed to death in mill, when the jury re-
marked: "No blame can be attached to the ma
chinery."
RESPECTED HIS OATH.-A wife murderer de-
Tended his act by saying that life with his wife
became insuppOrtabe. Then" said the Judge
''yOu might have separated from her, "Ah!"
replied the conscientious prisoner, - could not
do that, for swore to her that nothing but death
should separate US"
TIE BEAUTIFUL SSoRE.-O, the snore, the beau
tiful snore, filling her chamber from ceiling to
AOorI Over the cOverlet, under the sheet; from
her dmpled chin to her pretty feetI Now rising
alOft like a bee in June; now sunk to the wall of
q cracked bassOOni Now, fute-like, subsding,
then rising again, is the beautiful snore of Eliza
beth Jane
SENSIBLE WONAN.-A woman is writing in the
EcaHgedst in favor of the practice of smoking.
She would rather ner husband would smoke ssany-
where in the house than by 'inceseant hammer
ing at him to stop drive hma way to the club
house or some other resort. where he would smoke
twice as much as he would think of doing at
home"
How TO RECEIVE T.-Josh Billings gives some
advice to a young lady to how she should re-
ceive a proposal: You ought to take it kini,
looking dOwn-hill, with an expreshun about half
tickled and half scarf. After the pop is over, If
yure Iuvyer wants to kiss you, don't think |
would say yes no. but let the thing kind ov take
its own course
No BETrER.-A Yale student, who is evidently
an the journalistic department. writes twelve
verse poem for the Weekly Magazine, which is
entitled: ave Kissed Each Other by the Sea-
Well, what of that? The seaside is no better for
such things than any other locality. In fact, we
have put IN some very sweet work Of that kind
on the tow path of canal In our time, but we
did not say anything about it in print.
Excuse Hm.-One Jones, employed in : man
ufacturing establishment, did not put in ap-
pearanee the other morning, but just before din
Eer his wife came in and said IN explanation:
IS You must excuse him; he and had little dis
pute at the table this morning. and he won't be
able to work before the middle of the week"
The employer stated that the explanation was sat
isfactOry, he having been married twenty-five
years himself
Mark Twain publishes card in the Hartford
papers explaining the arrangements for his lecture
in and of the poor, and he makes these statements
as to the terms of admission:
HLucca charges S4 ticket, and so my first
idea was TO put our tickets at "a too and run op-
positiOn--But friends said no, there was differ
ence-Lueca sings. l said very well, l would
sing too. showed them what could do. But
they still objected, and said that mere disturb
ance was not singing. So have come down to !
a dollar. but do it with reluctance