The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-04-19
VARIETY.

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prepared, and they are twins.
QUEER VERDIcT-A Western iury recently
brought verdict of - justifable breach of prom
ise"
Bow-LECGED.-In Cincinnati there is said to
live man 30 bOw-legged that he has his trousers
cut with a circular saw.
WHAT They CALL Ir.-Straining honey is what
they call it in New Jersey when a fellow hugs his
sweetheart The honey likes it, too.
ave find that he came to his death from call
ing Bill jackson a liar" was the verdict of a
cOroners jury in Missouri.
A lady in Fort Wayne has cards out for her
silver, crystal and tin weddings, which occur on
the same day. Her first two husbands (divorced)
have received Invitations, but peryersely decline
attending
sion, that, although woman is justly blamed with
having tampted man to cat forbidden things, he
took to drinking Of his own accord.
ARE THEY?-Are blacksmiths who make n Iiv-
ing by forging, or carpenters who do little
counter-ftting, any worse than who sell iron
and steel for living.
Another amendment to the Constitution is
rendered necessary by the refusal of the colored
BARRIERS in Cincinnati to shave persons of their
own race
A western reporter tried to take down in short
hand his wife's lecture on the subject of ''Iate
hours The task Oyerstrained his mind and he
sleeps with his fathers.
A man, in Indiana, on returning home from
business journey recently, found that his wife,
during hIs absence, had Tafled of all the furni-
ture and departed. and the Sheriff arrested him
for allowing gambling on bis premises.
When Kansas City girl who was clerk in
candy store, learned she had fallen heir to one
hundred thousand dollars in England she refused
In tn fsfIzfo md bad h.
counter and ehewed gum drops the rest of the day.
q. How dare you,'' said young snob, to a me
chanic, as they were both crOwding in one of Jen-
ney Lind's concerts, a. how dare you come to hear
n nightingale without shirt cOllar?'' 80 How
the deuce could have collar, when your mother
has not sent home my washing?' was the reply.
Hrs CONCLUsIoN.-An Iowa country Squire
concludes the marital knot ceremony thusly:
''Ihem that the Court hath joined together let
no man bust asunder; but suffer little children to
come unto them; 80 help you Cod
The most inspiriting sight man can witness is
Of the stout young ladies OF the period dressed
IN n low necked party dress with a hump upon her
back She's as pleasant to look at as a young pig
prepared for the Oven-sOft, greasy, and naked.
NICE URcnS.-An Oil City boy, one of that
class Of urchins who seem sent upon the earth for
the sole purpose Of bringing piOus, grOwn-up
people TO a recollection Of the fact that this world
il not their home, recently put some nitrO-glyce-
rine in his sisters hustle when she was going out
skating.
As drunken man was staggering along the
BOwery the other night, he saw street cars pass
ing with dIferentcolored lights. and gazing at the
red. yellow, blue and green lamps, heard
solOquizing, 81 mus get o. this place. Its too
siekly- They're running the drug stores around
on wheels"
Sidney Smith made the quaint confession that.
according to his computation, lie had eaten and
drank, between his tenth and SEVENTEEN year,
about fOrty-iOIr wagon loads more than he needed.
How many people, dull-headed from such Gauss,
would be frank enough to confess as much?
The following conversation between two clever
lawyers was overheard; Z" How does your client
like it2' - Not Oyermueh; begins to complain Of
the expense" " Mine Is all right; bound to fight
1t out Can we manage TO get the jury to disa-
gree aglin?'' ''Don'r know; we must work for
it, You'll get beat, of course, IN the end
but you'll appeal, of eOurse?' "Of course"
HER MrsrAKE--A Vallejo young lady, about to
90 OF in the cars, stepped into the dark sitting
room of the depot to kiss her friend Sarah good
by. Owing to the darkness she didn't hit Sarah,
but earomed on Chinaman, and didn't find out
the mistake until John began yelling: ." Whatee
for you 50 chokee me! HI yah No squeeze so
mucbeei" One yell, Topping Of feminine gar
ments, slammed door, and that girl gone.
1t is related that on a New York Central Rail-
road train, recently, two old ladies sat on adjOn-
ing seats in one of the cars; one declared if the
conductor opened the window she would die, and
the other protested against it being closed for she
would certainly smother to death. The conductor
was in doubt, when venerable gentleman ex-
claimed, Open the window and kill one of them
and then close it and kill the other, and then We
shall have peace"
A man whom DR.. Chalmers engaged to manage
a disOrderly Sunday school kept his eyes wide
open during PRAYING, and when one boy thrust a
pin into another he marched up the aisle, still
praying, and cufed that boys ears, and went back
again, praying all the way. After that he was
master Of the situation, for the boys thought that
q man who could watch and pray like that could
not be put down.