Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1873-08-07
Humorous.

CURRENT literature most in vogueL
Price currents. T., fs7,f 5,ufisess4
THE worst way to invest your money
To keep it in your vest.
A MYrH-The :" gentlemanly hote
clerk" SO much; spoken of. nTh'sa9In
1T Is astonishing how few people In
Wall street have q Wall eye ',..y;7oa
A SCRANTON household is enjoying an
era of peace. The lady of the house
put her tongue to a fiat iron to See ifgit
was hot.
WE are now able to understand the
chief industry of the American In
dians. They are chiefly engaged in
raising hair. ..f.
seTALK about the jaws of death, p" ex-
claimed a hen-pecked husband :" they
are no circumstance compared to the
jaws of life"
A BoARDINa-HoUsE fiend tells the
story that, in q recent thunderstorm the
warning of the elements was 80 -awe-in
spring that the hair in a dish of butter
in, the pantry turned completely white
during the night. = o,i ...,,fn, sffglas
:" CANNOT something be done. to pre-
! vent young ladies being msulted on our
streets at night p asks Cincinnati pa
per. There can. just have the little
girls mother tuck her into her little bed
about eight o'clock in the evening, and
lock the door on her."
A CANDIDATE for the civil service re-
Gently gave up his examination in dis
gust. becauseAhe was asked how many
bushels of wheat could be bought for
ten dollars if one bushel cost forty
cents. He said he had not learned any
thing about wheat, but he had always
done his sums in potatoes and tur-
nips.
WEn1-1NFoRMED old lady to polite
young tourist $50 you've come to
see the beauties of the neighoorhood,
have you2 Well, then, young man,
there hain't none to see, for they're just
| all on 'em the plainest-faced, common
place wenches about these parts there
is to be found in all the wide world,
and so I'll tell 'ee."
O1D Mr.. Franklin, of Cattaraugus
county, New York, created a vast deal
of excitement the other day by throw
| ing plowshare into the river, on ac-
count of his wifess incessant seoldihg.
Mr.. Franklin, it might be well to add,
was attached to the weight by rope
consequently, Mrs. F.. has lost a hus-
! band, a plowshare, and three 1eet OF
good rope, just through chronic pro-
pensity to wag her tongue on - ''7.'
The Detroit Free Press says :; g A
/ boy about ten years old came blubber-
ing into the Central Station yesterday
noon, and when asked what the matter
was, he replied. you see, said my
4 dog Sam could lick Billy O'Grady's dog
Bose, and I'd bet stamps on it. Sam
went to do it, an he'd shook that pup
sure, only Billy put,snuff on his dog,
and Sam got a-coughing and sneezing,
and Bose hoored. him and chawed him
till he couldn't holler-gimme warrant
| for him. 2.f, 3eH,-st ,-,s
FROM Des Moines: ga young lady
passed up Walnut street, one morning
recently, and Immediately thereafter a
bashfu1 young store clerk discovered
one of those indispensable accessories to
a lady's complete toilet-a garter.
He picked it up, and, hastily overtak-
ing her, presented it with graceful
bow. Your necktie, miss She glanced
at him once; terrible meaning was inn
piled in that look. She didn't wait a
moment, and clerky was left standing
with the beloved little thing in his
hands and crowd of boys hooting at
/ his discontinue,