South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-02-07

ing 10 noOoRy.
MADISON AS a TEMPERANCE MAN
Many years ago. when the temperance
movement began 10 Virginia, OK President
Madison lent the weight of his influence TO
the cause. Case bottles and decanters dis.
appeared from the sideboard at Montpelier
wine was no longer dispensed to the ma.
ny visitors at that hospitabls mansion
Nor was this all. Harvest began, but
the customary barrel of whiskcy was not
purchased, and the song Of scythmen in
the wAeatded langushed. In lieu of whis-
key, there was beverage most innocuous,
unstimulatng aud unpalltable to the ar
my of dusky laborerf.
The following morning, Mr. Madison
called in his head. man to make the usual
inquiry:
Nelson, how comes on the CROP?
Poly, Mrs Jecms-monsus pol
why, what's the matter?'
Things is seyus.'
what do you mean by serious?'
We guine los dat crap
Lose the crop Why should we lose it p
Cause dat ar crap ar heap too big crap
to be gethercd thout whskcy. Lasses and
water nuver gethcred no crap senco de
worl war made, nsr' tan't guue to-
Mr.. Madison succumbed the whiskey
was procured, the crap was gathered case
bottles and deconters reaPpeared, and the
ancient order was restored at MONTPELIER,
never again TO be disturbed. From, lip
PincoHs Magazine.
EEJERKs thinks it would have been
better to abolish the Collectors OF Revenue
than the Assessors. The Assessors never
disturbed him, but the Collectors always
wero a confounded bore.
GS-"You saved my life at the battle of
Malvern Hill said boggag to Captain
Saved your life How?' Il served un
der you when you run away, and l fol-
lowed
bsS> Barnum 10 trying to secure for his
new show a man who does not blame his
wife for everything that goes wrong about
the house
TT Honest farmers in Iowa Gil ducks
with water and let them freeze before
taking them to market.
AvAmCE.-A New Orleans correspond
ent sends the following littlo bit--a story
characteristic of tho spirit of avarico in
Jefferson parish, La:
A farmer on the eve Of 'pe2giug out,
said 70 his wife
MY dear, am going to die therefore
wish to make my will All my fortune 10
this world is horse and dog You will
sell the horse aud give tho proceeds to my
relations. As to tho dog you can keep
him for yourself Aud tho old man died
Her mourning over, tho widow wishing
to obey the last Instructions # her dead
husband, took tho horse and dog TO mar.
ket and offered them f.r sale She was
offered twohuudrcd dollars FOR the horse
but no one would buy the dog
q will not sell one without the other,
said the woman; give me two hundred
dollars for tho dog and will let you have
the horse for Eve dollars. The purchaser
accepted though be thought it a queer bar.
gain. The next day, obeying her hus.
bands instructions, she sent Tho FIVE dol
lars, price Of The horse, 10 her husband s
relatives, and kept the two hundred, price
Of tho dog, for herself
EETho following letter, rcrjohm q
HterohD,, was received by an undertaken,
recently, from an afflicted widowor; sur
my Wiaf is dsd and Wonts TO be Der
ried tomorrow At wouer klok. L nose
VAR to dig tho holo-by tho side Of my
two Other wiats-Let it be deep
HEA new paper in Texas starts ou
with the announcement that fn religion w
are conservative, andwe intend to adhere
to the cash system