Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-02-15
MY WIFE'S NEW BONNET.

MY WIFE'S NEW BONNET.
Mrs. Jackspratt," said ], elf you
love me, don't ask nae for money.
Times are hara-exceedingl hard, Mrs.
j., and | have just all [ can do to make
both ends meet. j."
But, my dear William. I've worn
this bonnet all Winter" urged my
wife, land it really doesn't look fit to
wear again"
Now there is one popularity about
my wife, my dear sir, which really
amuses me, because [ know that it is
ent1rel original with her. Ordinarily
she addresses me as Mr.. Jackspratt,
or ". Il. Jackspratt, or you Jackspratt,
but just SO sure as she is in want of a
new bonnet, or new dress, or a cloak
never saw woman who could 90
through more bonnets, dresses, cleaks.
boots, ETC., i'll given time without in
]lrlng her constitution, just so sure
she begins her petition with nv dear
William; and she says it in such wav,
and with such smile, that-well. really,
] can't resist, you see, always come
down with the stamps,
- am very sorry, my dear Clara, J"
sad l, Every sorry indeed about that
bonnet. can't remember the time
when L have been SO cut to the heart as
! am now at sight of that bonnet. but
L am very much afraid you'll have to
wear it to church once more, nv dar-
ling" -
"And is it for this that 7 married
you, William I'll. Jackspratt? cried that
superhly beautiful woman, as she ceased
to smile "Was it for this I left nv
happy home, where I was surrounded
by every luxury that a kind uncle could
supply? ?" '''-''
Confound your kind uncle I" said 7
Tor you see [ was losing my temper,
although 1t is generally the last thing /
do lose. ' '-'--'7 3
Yes, confound your kind uncle !" 7
repeated, while Mrs. Jackspratt qlared
at me with all the verocity of female
tiger:: He never did me any good.
Notwithstanding the fact that I have
had him thrown in my face almost every
week since we were married. I've heard
often enough of your uncle, Tom Blog-
star, and of his ramales among the
gold mines of Australia. and the dia-
mond fields of South Africa. I'd like
20 see some of his gold and diamonds.
and Id like to see him too, Mrs. Jack,
spratt. don't want to express single
doubt Of your yeracity, my dear. but
but saw my leg off if [ don't believe
your uncle.is fraud"
Mrs. Jackspratt uttered little
scream, and sank into chair He
wouldn't have treated me So" she mnr-
INJURED, burying her face in ker napkin.
NO, OF course he wouldn, t." said T.
:, fortunately know who you refer to.
We heard since our marriage, of every-
thing that your old lover. CAPTAIN Dod-
ger wouldn't do, and now, Just for vari-
ETY., Id like to know what he would do
II he was in my situation 2"
".Oh, why did I not marry him ?" in
qulred Mrs. Jackspratt.
That's Just what I'd like IN know ),
said I. " Al'0"'
30 you brute !"
" Go on my love-"
" Are you going to buy me bonnet ."
stamping her little foot.
" "a coin my heart into dollars"
T." WIZ you buy me a bonnet?"
"But, my dear, I need every cent Of
mess" "''-
" w. E. Jackspratt" Calmly and de-
termlnedly) "I must have a new bon
net this very day."
nope you may get it, said I, and
with that parting shot I took up nv hat
and walked out of the house.
Now, my dear reader, I wish to inform
you that, Notwithstanding the conclu-
sion you have arrived from reading the
foregoing conversation, I am really one
OF the kindest hearted men YOU ever
heard Of and furthermore, / have no
hesitation Ill saying that in my own
OPINION, no man ever loved q woman
with such intense intensity as [ love
Mrs. Jackspratt, and I would do any,
thing to make her happy but when a
woman won't be satisfied with the very
best man can do, why she must 90 un-
satisfied
That was what I said to myself that
morning while making my way to nv
place of business, little thinking what
an amount 'of agony was in store for
me, little dreaming that few short
hours would find me the most miser-
able man in the city.
I may as well tell you here, before
going further, that I am the senior
partner in the firm of Jackspratt &
Tuttle, pork merchants; and 1 don't
object to gratifying your curiosity SO
much as to inform you that the pecuni-
ary affairs of the aforesaid firm were in
such ticklish condition upon this par
ticular morning, that failure was not
only probable, but imminent
Tuttle met me at the store door.
" Well, said l.
!" We can get through to-day, but God
help US tomorrow, I've raised every
cent / can"
We went into the store together, and
were soon engaged in our customary