The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-07-02
SCRAPS.

Pickpockets view life as a pock'
etbook and stake it easy"
A little boy in school gave one
of the best definitions ever given to
,economy-:'paring potatoes thln.~
A servant girl in Missouri has
been straining four gallons of crab
apple jelly through an eighteen
dollar veil.
ssHave You found the Lord? y
asked revivalist Hammond SNo.
Is he lost?" inquired a curious
backwoodsman,
A Dresden correspondent says
German ladies are weaned from
their mothers on beer. From beer
they are never weaned.
"a Danbury man who bought a
second hand .bedstead at auction
has sent it to Professor Agassiz,
the celebrated entomologist."
A Philadelphia judge always
adds thirty per cent. to the ages OF
female witnesses as they give them.
and then he has about the correct
thing.
An up town young lacy, speak.
Ing of one of her aversions, SAID
the severest thing on record :'"He's
almost q perfect brute - he only
lacks instinct, "
We are sorry to learn that the
Apaches, at San Carlos, Arizona
killed Lieutenant Almy, of the
Fifth Cavalry, instead OF an Indian
agent they shot at.
At the end of a French opera, {
gentleman remarked to a lady pex1
to him that the opera was "lone
enough" eyes" she replied, "anc
quite as broad as it is long"
"Now, my little boys and girls
said a teacher, 81 want you to be
very still, so still you could hear
pin drop" In moment all wa;
silent, when a little boy shriekee
out, "Let her drop"
An Irish editor says that "in the
absence of both editors the publish
ers have succeeded in securing the
services of a gentleman to edit the
paper this week"
One of the bluest of Boston be
ing requested by rich and vulgar
young fellow for permission tt
marry zone of his girls" gave thi:
rather crushing reply: "Certainly
which would you prefer, the wait
ress or the cook? p
A farmers daughter out West re
cei7ed q hairy poodle dog from s
friend in New York. The pnso
phisticated damsel wrote back
thanking her friend for the present
and saying that she found it very
handy, when tied to q stick, tc
clean windows with,
II the East, a man must be some
body of consequence to have on.
umbrella belonging to him; and
as sign of power, when any lore
goes out hunting he has all the
umbrellas in his possession carried
by his groom before him: In {
letter which the king of Burmal
wrote 10 Lord Dalhousie, he signed
himself "TAe Sublime Possessor o
Twenty-four Umbrellas"
Josh Billings knows what's good
lie says: "Take a couple Of younE
partridges and pot them down, ant
serve up with the right kind ov
chorus, and they beat the han
sandwich you buy on the Camdel
& Amboy Railroad S71 per cent
I have eat these lamentabel N,
Jersey ham sandwich, and mus
say that I prefer a couple Of bass
wood chips, soaked in mustar
water, and stuck together wit
spaulding's glue.'
A barrister, to ayenge himsel If o.
an opponent, wrote ''rascal' in hi
hat. The owper of the hat took i
mp, looked ruefully into it, and
. turning to the judge. exclaimed
II claim the protection Of this hon
orable court, for the .opposin!
counsel has written his name ii
my hat, and I have strong suspicion
that he intends to make Oft will
it."
Salt Wilhams, Of Detroit, having
been on a three days bender il
New York, strolled into an intelll
sence office, and asked: SIS thE
an intelligence Office p Eyes, .
said the keeper. "What's your
fee:w inquired Salt; ard, upon be-
inc informed, he threw down
dollar bill. "Well;;" asked the pro-
prietor, "what information. do you
want?" II want you to tell me-"
strttorad Salt "WLere the ID Eve