Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1873-07-31
SENSE AND NONSENSE.
rHE child who cried for an hour
l,,,t ga "a

Il
| An unpopular ''ism" with every.
body-the rheumatism.
A deal OF gold may be a plum, but
a dealer Of lead is plumber.
II is said that the connecting link
between the animal and the vegetable
is hash.
Why is a drunkard like bad ac-
count? Because he generally over.
balances.
HOWEVER much pawnbroker's
place may be crowded, j: is always
loansum place.
How to scrape an acquaintance
get situation as an assistant in
Turkish bath.
Which is preferable, the right man
in tight place, or tight one in the
right place?
YeU'RE fool if you're walker
in pond you're philosopher il
you ponder in your walk.
A steel is what makes a blade
sharp, but blade that makes sharp
er is a stealer.
A hop in your walk is halt, but
dance upon nothing is a halter.
You may sometimes put sauce into
a cup, but You should always put
cup into saucer.
THE Danbury News says that hens
are like the weekly story papers
everything in their necks.
IT takes three hours and quarter
to wash, comb and perfume New
York lap dog,
A man at st. Joseph, Mo-, has been
cut off at the age of lo4, by the con-
slant use OF tobaccoand whiskey.
A German paper in Cincinnati, re.
fers to lager beer as supplementary
means OF nourishmenG"
A New Hampshire man has The
leather strap which has thrashed the
family through three generations.
IS WHEN woman gets letter she
carries it IN her hand, but a couple
of pounds of sausage she manages
to squeeze into her pocket.
A man at Seneca Falls promises to
pay 81 for every cat that is sent to
him. What q cheerful prospect for
expressmen
A German friend, whose wife takes
in washing for their subsistence,
claims that he earns his living by the
sweat Of his vrow.
A delinquent Dubuque bridegroom
was found in q beer saloon waiting
for a new pair Of boots to be finished.
ENGLAND is celebrated for its fogs,
France for its frogs, Ireland for It's
boys, Canada for its dogs, Maine for
its logs and Ohio for its hogs.
A clergyman at Paris, Ky, stopped
his prayer, led an unruly man out by
the car, and went on, Gas / was say
ing, 0 Lord J"
A Prospect street man says the
longest funeral he ever heard of took
place week ago. His hired girl
went off to it and hasn't got back yet.
"MAMMA," said a little girl when
she discovered her canaries asleep,
"The birds have swallowed their
heads"
A Dutchman was relating his mar.
velous escape from drowning, when
thirteen of his friends were drowned
by the upsetting of boat. "And
how did you escape ?" asked one OF
his hearers. 81 did not go in te pote."
AN urchin having found a cartridge
the other day, rubbed it on the stove
to see if it was good for anything.
As his mother knits left handed nit.
tens for him now, it is generally sup
posed that the cartridge was a good
ono.
"PRETTY bad under foot today
said one citizen to another, as they
met in the street. eyes, bnt it's fine
overhead" responded the other.
"True enough" said first, shut then
very few are going that way"
A young lady, wishing for situa.
ton was recently interested in ar ad.
vertisement for some one TO do slight
housekeeping" So she wrote to the
advertiser asking where the light
house was, and if there was any get.
ting ashore on Sundays.
AN intoxicated printer IN East St.
Louis wandered into a shoe shop in
a fit of mental alteration and set up
several s.ickfuls of shoe pegs and
took proof of his matter in the boot
press before he realized his awful
condition.
THE fashion papers say the Ruta
bagas-beg pardon, we mean the Ra-
bagas-is the popular bonnet this
season. You will know it when you
see it, for the rim turns up all around
like sailor hat.
SCENE in horse car.-Car stops:
smiling young lady enters: every
seat full. An old gentleman rises at
the opposite end. go, don't rise"
said the lovely girl. 81 can just as
we'll stand" 81 don't care whether
you sit or stand" he replied, "I'm
gong to get out"
A clergyman lately addressed his
female auditory as follows "Be not
proud that our blessed Lord paid
your sex tue distinguished honor of
appearing first to female after the
resurrection, for it was only done that
the glad tidings might be spread Nte
sooner"
THE lower your senses are kept, the