Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-08-20
T PHUNNYGRAMS.

TH H45 Hoies- Ta4 as3 g8
"A Vermont woman undertook to paint
the cellar stairs. She found a pail of
paint and commenced at the top, painting
herself into the cellar, and had to crawl
out OF the cellar window. ast
We never knew man to be elected to
an Office OF trust who carried horse chest
nuts ID his pocket as preventive of rheu-
maatism.-Dan6ury Neos.
lowing to the death, of the editor
there won't be any Leader, Tuesday"
says a Western paper, "but look out for
an old ripper on Wednesday,"
Forward and Loquacious Youth
by Jove, you know, upon my word,
noW-lf | were to SEGA ghost, you know,
l should be chattering idiot for the rest
OF my hfe!' Ingenious Maiden (dreamily)
-SHooe you seen st?"-Punch. :,
When you see a little girl with old
CATERS on her feet, crownless iockey on
her head, three brown-paper packages in
her arms, and mouthful of candy, YOU
may know her mother is washing.-D071-
bury NeaDs. @@.t aIG#1
The gushing young Virginia LAWYER
who wanted to look into Kate Stoddard's
clear blue eyes and defend her, will have
to wait several weeks before he can see
into the said clear blue eyes, His wife
took an observation of has, and they will
remain closed for several days.
"A Slawson woman unostentatiously
points to the fact that the funeral of her
late husband cost but eighty-two dollars,
which is fifteen dollars less than the
neighbors thought she could do it, and
yet there is not one of them who can say
that anything was spared to make the oc-
casion a success, and one long to be re-
membered by all who participated
Da,abury Neaos.
"A lady went to one Of our Cry goods
stores, Monday, and bought five cents
worth of thread. Then she picked up a
palm-leaf, and commented on the weather,
and getting her thread walked off with
both. The merchant closed his store as
early as possible, that evening, and taking
his aching head in his hands, sat down to
analyze the true value of that transaction.
Daaa6ury Neaos =
From the Peoria ReuSeao: "In Wig
orous chase after rats, recently, a boy on
Jefferson street broke down shelf in the
cellar and inundated six jars of pre-
serves. He gazed on the ruins without a
sigh, caught and killed the rat, laid it
among the debris, and daubing his faith
full dogs nose and legs with the fruit,
sent him up stairs, while the boy hid in
the coal-shed. He heard feminine shrieks
OF dismay, he heard the wrathful objurga-
lions of his sire, he heard the unsuspect-
ing dog led into the backyard and shot,
and spreading forth his hands, said sol
emily, Another victim of circumstantial
evidence"
"A Methodist preacher, having a
charge in the southern portion of Giles
County, went to call upon one of his
members oneday not long ago, and was
very cordially greeted, and earnestly en-
treated to make himself perfectly at home.
The lady then stepped out to "wring" the
chicken and when she came back found
the parson in the act of taking up the
ashes from the fireplace and putting them
in the scuttle, preparatory to carrying
them out. "Lor-ze-me, Brother -
what are you doing that for?" S'You told
me to make myself at home, madam, and
if I'd been at home and found all these
ashes in the fireplace, I would certainly
have taken them up" Wilted, did she?
Don't you bet on a Giles County lady be-
ing thus easily out-witted She went
straight to the kitchen, stuck every feather
back on that chicken, sewed its. head on,
and turned it loose, and the smart preach
er didn't get a bite of it.