Macon beacon. [volume] (Macon, Miss.) 1859-1995, 1873-10-25
cRIMPs AND MATRIMoNY.
BY sKAos yEESes.

Married people have always suspected
that a great mistake was made when old
bachelors and old maids werenot elected
to multiply and replenish the earth and
bring up the children and it is evident
that the world suffers quite as acutely
because the women mostly involved in
matrimony are not unmarried ladies.
Every little while there cometh forth
one whose fan is in her hand, and who
thoroughly makes wives sea.sick with
her wise counsel, like aeples of gold in
pictures of pot-metal. Just now it is
Gail Hamilton, holding forth like an
oracle on "Crimps" in married life, as
if her own head, bristling with slate
pencils and hedged about with hair-pins,
had nestled for century on the soothing
front of complacent night-shirt.
. Gail, answer; What is the use of
making porcupines of ourselves for
crimps when frizzes can be bought for
eighty cents a yard Hast thou not
seen, and dost thou not know, that a
! thing of beauty is Joy so long as it is
beautiful? and that man seeth his face
in a smoked glass and straightway
forgetteth what manner of man he is 4?
How much more then, 0 ye Of little
wit, shall he forget what manner of
'loyal, loving, brave, intelligent, sympa-
thetic" woman she is, who cometh forth
as a sunAower every day, in all the
glory wherewithal her fine arts have
embellished her." when during the
longer hours given to the "close commu-
Mon" OF home and hearth, the "pro-
ce8ses by which she goes forth conquer.
ing and to conquer" convert her into
miscellaneous muck-heap Of bread
and-milk, wire, timber, tar, slate, glyc-
crime, egg, honey, asafntida, and
small parcels OF every other conceivable
commodity that would be considered
necessary to start anew city ona frontier.
Can any degree OF softness in a fair hand
"i1ealize" out Of a mans head the
poulticed fists that have lain by his
side all night like a pair OF pud-
ding bags? or ever so elaborate a smile
snuff out the impression of face
sneared with things that are mys-
terious to him, and head more
formidable than nightmare with seven
teen horns crowned with a dismantled
unlbNrella? Nay, verify; and if the
woman who developes from such drag.
on into catastrophe that resembles a
"rag-bag overtaken by hurricane,
with face like hair dressers dummy,
and head like panic-seized old Dutch
broom is "fresh surprise to him every
morning, she is no less fresh terror
every night.
/ But this is wicked and perverse
generation, and there are men, whether
in their senses or out OF their senses l
don't know, but apparently in the natu-
raj state of the sex, who suffer things
that are not to bring to naught things
that are, setting manufactured charms
before the ordinary natural grace Of the
female countenance, and preferring wo-
men who are fearfully and wonderfully
constructed to the home made article,
however "tender, true, devoted, and
wise" Wherefore, 0 Gail, there are
many among us pricked to the heart,
and they all cry out, What shall we do
to be saved? For surely no woman
ever made herself beloved. or even rich
or famous by superintending the wash
ing of pots and pulling down of cob
webs, or even manipulating children;
for all these things do harden the palm
and wrinkle the visage; which things are
not seemly among us. Neither do the
Maries who sit at the feet of the law
givers and learn the cares of state and
the deceitfulness of politics reap aught
but spectacles and a forlorn wisp of
back hair. But it is those who toll not,
neither spin, but eclipse Solomon in his
glory who appropriate if not the better
part, at least the very softest spot in
this world, with the largest half of that
piece which passeth all understanding,
commonly called mans heart.
Then why this pleasing hope, &C.,
this longing after utility? Let us lay
down the ballot and the broom, and
grid on hood, and caul, and wimple, and
with paint-pot in one hand and curling
tongs inthe other, go forth tothe taking
of the principalities and powers Rather,
dow not know, thatinstead of "holding
our own in spite of these little mechan-
isms," every mothers daughter of us
would probably have to "hold some
other woman's "own" or rise superior
to the trash that men call love- and can
vas her own balloon? For after all
these things do the women seek whose
feet lay hold on hell, but whose hands
go for our husbands pockets. And in
this they have the advantage of us mo-
ments in which to snore unsuspected;
hours of seclusion from the masculine
eye, when they may rejoice in all the
hideousness that contributes to those
arguments of person which constitute
their stock in trade, and without which
they would suffer for provender.
Therefore, if in these things only we
have hope, wives are of all women
most miserable; seeing that they demor.
alize us while they pander to that taste
in man which is already burden to us,
and make matrimony of no account.
Let us then rise to the occasion and be.
come both useful and ornamental; seek.
ing our lords interest while not neg,
lecting his pleasure; keeping our houses