The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-07-04
JACKSON ci,AcKrrs.


Jackson cracker, and we suppose it
will be improved BY ave or six mil
lions of boys. You can always safely
bet there is a boy ''closc around" when
you hear Jackson cracker explode.
Crackers are. made of paper and pow
der, and have little tow string hang
1 ing out at one end. Their "latch
string'' is always out; so was General
Jackson's, and that Is the reason they
are called Jackson crackers. IL any
boy throws a cracker in your face just
as it Is going to explode, you can get
satisfaction by taking "A fence rail and
knocking him over the head several
times. IL won't do any good "a swear.
The boy will only laugh at you ut a
convenient distance. This is good
day for boys. and you will be apt to
see some of them arount. with all their
pockets and hands full OF Jackson
crackers, and if yOu offer them q
dime, they will take it and go and buy
another "pack." We NEST nnreserYed-
lily pronounce ourself In favor of Jack
son crackers, boys, and the Fourth of
July. We are also in favor of girls,
bat they amt worth n cent 10 fire off
Jackson crackers. They do better to
spoil white dresses and red ribbons.
-Skyrockets were invented several
years ago. This is an anniversary,
and on its annual recurrence the sky
rocket business is always brisk. There
will probably be more rockets go up
tonight than OH all the rest OF the
nights of 1873 put together. Sky
rockets are like some men, they go up
/ with whiz and come down with a
1iz-zIe We leaYe this subject now to
he more fully elaborated by the reader
at his leisure.
We Won't get any land for park
till it gets a coed deal higher.
The Wonderful Being came back
home with plug hat. We have
not heard whether he succeeded in
Cruising the wind" or not.
The farmers will have lots of
friends this fall.
The GLORIOUS Fourth" is here to-day,
Let's celebrate and be so gay;
Let's speak and sing and happy be
| 1t comes but once i'll seventy-three.
al --YouRGs Night Thoughts.
Thirteen gentlemen will not de-
cline To handle, the county funds for
two years If crowded into such u pre-
dicament by considerable friends.
When yoa sell your wheat give u 5
| 81 for The NEWS.
We are requested to say, positive
ly, that eX-mayor Jay is not candi-
date for u. $. Senator. He will go in
to the banking business as soon as he
can get money enough ahead TO buy
good s,nt of clothes. All af which is
respectfully submitted.
If any young fellows come in to-
day with sections of ginger bread un-
der their arms we are in favor of get
ting after them with the Babcock fire
engine.
III any person desires the position
| of lighting editor" on this paper we
will say that the place is now vacant.
There win probably not be much TO do
| till the "faIl campaign" opens. a
good supply of fish-worm oil and a
pair of getaway legs is all that is
required to qualify persons for the
place. The lightning rod will be fully
repaired, and the ladder leading to the
roof viii be in readiness.
IF TIE "cow that gives the milk"
dries Hp, what WIZ become of the inno-
cent followers OF Coke who have been
subsist:ng for two or three years on
''the tactical fiuid." YOn tell.
One of our citizens carries his
brick on his arm instead of in his hat,
and lac is always filled with joy when
thus engaged.
-.You have to go around to the back
doors of the saloons now to 'wet your
WHISTLE If you gO'in ut the front
doors you are liable to get yanked over
to WeaVer's. sE5tEE1 5~gs &
The intelligent board fence man
has been around again, and VIC see by
a sign on fence near town that clap
goods pillow scouts in all kinds of
soil"
"A sign on graveyard ut Wichita
reads as follows: "Drink Smiths bit
tiers, and keep ont of here"
One of our citizens on being in
vited to deliver a lecture, replied: 81
do not lecture myself; | am married"
| One OF the great unsolyed prob
lens OF our fashionable society is
whether certain young lady colors
her eyebrows or not.
Charlie Holmes is not; going TO
play with the string band for the dance
at Americas Tonight. He's going to
elbow his hOrn'' at home this Fourth
tinr the band dance atBnncrOft ban. s
The COW ordinapee will keep
things hot this snmmer-It twill keep
the cows their. owners, the marshal
and the councilmen in lively perspri-
ration, and we suggest that few
bushels of tracts on the sghjfcs OF rs
ing proTane exclamationS he immedf-
ately distrihGted.F
! 1t is one of the Inaceountable
things abo6t humanity, that the more
defensive mans breath is the closer
he wants To get to you when he talks
| The lightning sent , summons
after Judge Ruggles Tuesday night.
i He was not in. 1T conld not very well
have missed him if he had been "thar
or tharabouts." TkQ !Hlge I'D
q The lightning called, Tuesday
night, at house where Jim Leslie,
: the colOred blacksmith was stopping.
He says 'sthe bOytrtf fence was no
whar"
Ell. Holderman thinks OF going
, into the newspaper business either at
, Madison. Shellrock or Bazaar.
Tie contract for building tLl school
house tor District No. -, was award
ed TO Mr.. Sprague, OF EmpOria.
5 His bidJwas S920, two dollars less than
5 Mr.. Emslie's, and covers everything
I but the furniture The building will
be 20 by 20 feet, II feet between floor
81 avl .aflfnrr Of lpncca1 afnna