The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-08


is too hazardous to be attempted.-ET.
Still such are the proper things to be in
arrear
1t isn't always safe to win bet Thcrc's
the editor of an Iowa paper for instance a
democratic maiden agreed to kiss him once
a month for four years if Grant should be
elected Well, this radical chap had no re-
gard for the girls feelings, and held her to
the contract But last month the girl got
married, and when the editor called round
for his monthly kiss he got TINT and some
thing morc--a sound drubbing from the hus-
band The editor says that belts paid in full.
The Galesburg RepuJlic says "The green
grass is sprouting." Very green" we should
say to be sprouting in February .-Oquanqna
Spectator,
The Decatur Republican, has made dis
covery:
San Franciscoans are easily detected on the
eastward bound trains of the Union Pacific
railroad by the strawberry marks on their
shirt bosoms and traces of lettuce on their
chin whiskers.
A German preacher near Nation, who OBJ
jects to his congregation chewing tobacco in
church, requested them to leave their "cud
out of doors on flat rail- in fence corner,
under the steps-anywherc, for there would
be no danger of the birds, geese, hogs or any
thing eating it or carrying it away"
The Bureau Herald intimatcs this:
1t will soon be time to impae the long suf-
fering worm upon the cruel hook, and with
savage terocity jerk up the gullible inhabi-
tants of the raging Bureau creek.
The Kokomo Democrat says:
BY actual count there are just twelve hun
dred dogs in this city SiXty-five of these
wear the badge Of legality, and eleven hun,
dred and thirty-five are wandering refugees.
What a field for some broad souled philan-
thropist
The Polo Press says, Congress has recent
ly voted an appropriation of $4,000 for the
improvement of Hell Gate. From present
appearances they seem inclined to make the
road home as easy as possible
The Clinton Register makes a good point
thusly:
There is religious sect at Bristol, Vt, who
wash each Others feet There is also IL sect at
Washington who whitewash each others repu-
tation, but it isn't very religious sect.
Also this:
Uriah Heep is the name of the humble indi-
vidual in charge of the post Office at Dry
Run, Ky.
Ulia Heap is the proper name of the hum
bic individual in charge of the Senate at
Washington
And one more
Our country it is said, has had but one
black-eyed President. That was General |
Harrison.
Now that Pinchback has become II Senator,
1t would not surprise us if our next President
would be black-hidc one
An Amboy minister, not long ago, devised
the happy idea of breaking up dance, by
in the midst of the festive proceed
ings and attempting to turn it into Il prayer
meeting. He succeeded in breaking the
wicked thing up-in a row and bloody noses,
black eyes and broken heads resulted. Now
an Indictment and much other trouble have
followed, all of which should illustrate the
general fitness of things.
A rubber muzzle, to assist gentlemen with |
horsc-tail moustachcs, while eating soup, has |
been invented. 1t also acts as n spray-muZZle |
when the owner desires to eXpcctorate, thus
tobacco juice evenly over his |
instead of in patches, as hereto.
fore--St. Louis Democrat.
The epizootic has attacked the cock-roaches
in the Clinton dining saloons, and there is |
great suffering among thee who like raisins
in their pudding,
4 dabolical and disloyal punster proposes
% rechrlstcn the capital of our glorious coun-
ry, Whitewashington
The Heather Chinee" has his own way of
business, and the following advcr.
isement from the Virginia City Koatanian
illustrates his method of collecting his debts
Wang Gcu owes Dr. Yce Cheugh $3.50 He
annot pay it, SO, according to Chinese law,
e left his woman, Sing Gin, in DR.. zee
'heugh's possession rs collateral until the
money is paid All right By,andby all
anne yesterday, Sing Gin stole $3.50 from DR..
zee Cheugh, and run away. Now, then, all
hinamcn take notice that if you keep Sing
tm you must pay me 1920 all same Wang
icu. DR.. NEE CHEUGu.
1t is said that Grant and some of the prom
ncnt members of the Washington ring are
making up 4 purse for Mast, the caricaturist
IF Hmpc's Weekly. Grant may possibly
furnish the purse, but the rest of them will
have 10 fill it, 1,
Stoughton, Connecticut, man stopped his
paper and took out his zone square ad" be
cause the little black.andtan dog of the cdi.
tor nipped pet cat in the bud, 10y chewing
It's tail off. Let Congress step in now and de
eide whether 4 newspaper man has any
RI Ehts
Grant is appointing some of the, delegates =
10 Blanton Dnncan's Louisville convention
10 important and lucrative positions.
We thought these fellows had all been paid
At the time they did the work
1t is said that Ilindoo Widow Rc-Marry-
ng Association has been formed in Bombay. I.
In this country nearly every widow you meet
ms litlp osspriufiOu pf flat SORT pf hpr MN,