Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-04-11
Il UMOR

HUMOR.
A New York gentleman was very tired af.
terreturning home from party recently, that
when he reached the vestibule of his house he
concluded to pass the night there withou
making the fatiguing journey up stairs. He
closed the outer door, but took the precau
ton to put his boots outside to be cleaned
and has not been able to find them since.
Thomas Caldwell, president of the Soutl
Nashville Street railway, undertook to ridr
with new driver the other night, telin.
him, in respose to the demand for fare, j
own most of this road and getting this re
ply: We'll, you won't own it long if yor
don't pay your fare that's all [ We got t.
say about it.
ture of connubial fun in Indiana. The min
the groom, attendants and guests. The
the wrong woman, but such occurrences do
not make sadness in that State.
A new investigation has been proposed in
Missouri. The question is, who carried away
the premium blocks Of marble that were
carved out for the Penitentiary? Evidently.
no ordinary pick-pocket would do it, and the
suggestion that the blocks foated down the
river in food is not popular.
Uncle L.-sNow, Sammy, tell me, have
you read the beautiful story of Joseph?
Sam-'Oh, yes, uncle.
Uncle-'Well, then, what wrong did they
do when they sold their brother?'
Sam-'Why, sold him too cheap, uncle, l
think
Warmoth was asked if Durrell got drunk
on the bench, to which he replied mo, |
think not. My impression is-mind, this is
only an impression-my impression is he gets
drunk at home before goes on to the bench. -
The New York Mail. which is quite a pu
rist, tells us that favorite hotel is to be kept
this season at one of the watering places, by
the widow of Mr.. -, who died last sum-
mer on a new and improved PLAN
She was fine old lady and very hospita-
cherries. That's the way boys reminis-
cence, in after life preserves memories of a
fine old lady-and her cherries.
There is a farmer in New Jersey, they say,
who has attended two hundred funerals If
there is anything in experience, he will GER
tainly know how to behave himself when he
attends his own funeral.
A Baltimorean who was. refused a night S
lodging in station house the other evening
Immediately secured the desired accommoda-
ton by going out and throwing bricks at a
railway train.
Several new companies are organizing in
the east to manufacture sewing machines, and
it is predicted that sixty-fve dollar ma
chimes will sell at thirty-fve dollars within a
year.
A couple good Samaritans in Bridgeport
Conn, offered to sit up with dying neigh
Dor last week and found profit in their phi
lanthropy by pocketing their spoons.
A Western critic asserts that nothing out
side of Bloomingdale Asylum can surpass the
grimaces, attitudes and gestures of stage
full of opera boufe performers"
A minister having remarked there would
be a nave in the new edifce the society was
erecting an old lady said, she knew the per-
son to whom he referred
The Salt Lake girls are on matrimonial
strike. They have formed an agreement not
to marry unless the husband will be content
with one wife.
Floating down the sea of matrimony, by
the light Of the honeymoon, is the way a
city editor touchingly alludes to the marriage
of son.
Where are you going?' asked little boy
of another, who had slipped on an icy pave
mept. Going to get up!' was the blunt re-
ply.
Members of the last Congress who sign re-
ceipts for the wages voted to themselves by
themselves, are said to do it with steal pen
The editor of the Atlanta, (Ga. Week
" does not like the editorial eve" He
SAYS at makes us feel as if we were twins
A celebrated clergyman once said he had
found more good in bad people, and more
bad in good people, than he ever expected
The difference between sealing wax and
women, says Reuben, is that one burns to
keep secret and the other to tell it.
A female student Of medicine wants 500
ITO buy man to cut up" Most women can
cut up man cheaper than that.
What is that that the rich man wants, the
Door man has, the miser spends, and the
spendthrift saves? Nothing.
The young man who boosted that he could
marry any girl he pleased, found that he
couldn't please any.
A young lady took horn the other day
in church and nobody was shocked. His first
name was William.
~ Millions of robins are roosting near Muir
freesboro' Tenn, and all the inhabitants ere
robin the rcosts.
Lexington has some mischievous boys who
make bottle go around a table and call it
spiritualism.
Why would tax on tarts be Objectionable
at sea? Because it would be encouraging
pie rates.
Ladies travelling across the plains carry
their hair in their pockets to avoid being
,scalped.
A poor fellow who was compelled to pawn
his watch said he raised the money with
lever.
In Schenectady they mildly call a drunken
man sthe victim of misplaced benzine.
of all the birds that please us with their
a IL = ,,,oc+ ,,orular "a She hen