Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-04-18
HUMOR.


Thirty years ago young msn entered
the city of New York in an almost pennileas
condition, and without single acquaintance
in the great wilderness of houses. To-day
his name is known wherever humanity
hreathes 1t is spoken in every city. and is
as familiar to the workers in the mines as
to bis brother 10 the mills. and wherever
language is known and ideas expressed the
name Of this penniless. unknown and w
couth lad Of thirty years ago is uttered.
was John Smith.
Jones had worried Smith with conun'
drums very often; and now it was Smith'
turn. ..Guess what I did last night p sale
Smith. Jones thought of various aud i'm
probable things, and suggested the mski'Ie
of sneech, the doing Of kiudnees, b
getting himself 10 the lock up. aud fnais'
gave up the coDundrum in despair. Well
said Smith in triumphant tone. Il slept
A rich old fellow who owns more hnus..
than any one man in Toledo, was w'ite'
upou by a committee for subscripsien TO
rebuild the fence about the cemetery. Hss
reply was characteristic as we'll as hum"r
Gus. "Gebtlemen, | have always made -
y rule in nv business, never to make sn,
repairs until the tenants began to complain
A Titnsvlle father, who sold bis oil b.
fore hard times struck the region. aud w'
has quartet of beautiful daughters, hs.
wora out the toes Of four pairs of boots thi-
winter. bel ping the young men down the
icy steps Of his residence, who have called
to chat with the girls.
Among the funny conversations uttered
at concert recently, was this, young
lady being the speaker: 1--WE had sleigh
ing party last night; everybody was so nice,
and we were all so comfortable; the sleigh
was made for only four, and there were six
of u.s."
A sorrowiug friend, writing Of the death
Of an essimable lady, said, She has gone
70 her ets1nsl rest" His dismay can onl,
be family imagined when, upon ''proof"
of his obituary notice being sent to him. be
read, .She has gone to her eternal roast"
This touching tribute to the late Mr..
Grafton, of Critic, Ga. is from the Reg
lister" OF that place: HE was fine man in
all respects he was owing us seven dollars
on that last game of seven.up; but We will
throw that in toward his headstone.'
The Danbury s.News' says: "There was
fight between Danbury and Norwalk
ROSTERS in this place on Friday. The pain
every good citizen must feel over such q
brutal display is somewhat Modified by the
fact that our ROSTERS licked"
A dramatic critic overheard gentleman
observe to another 10 stall at the theatre :
@.Look at that painted old woman old and
parched as she is, they say that she can still
turn mems heads" Eyes but the other
way" was the reply.
I'm striving to obtain q suf6ciency."
said witness in the Court Of common Pleas.
"And what is suficieney inquired the
Judge. IA littls more, my Lord" replied
the witty barrister, "than what person
has already got"
The society editor who was kicked out Of
a house 10 Washington the other day, took
sweet revenge in stating that the wife of the
kicker appeared at ball attired 10 lovely
popgee skirt made Of Government shirts for
anfantry.
A little miss of eight. in Boston. on be.
ing recently informed that Der affectiopate
grandmother had made her life member Of
missionary society. objeeted on the ground
chat she did not wish to be eaten by the
savages.
81 X,,vp khn kaE
vengeance None but steady and sqna,e
wbiskey. drinkers are allowed to live in
Phoebe, Cal. Habitual water drinkers are
ordered to leave BY vigilance committee
Worthy Pastor: my boy. learn to be
contented /; mouthe are never sent uihou'
the bread to feed them" Practical Boy +.
"Oh, ah +! but the mouths are sent to our
house and the bread to yourn /"
The returns from April Fools day are
beginning to come in A Bosfonian asked
few friends around to strawberry sup.
per about twenty came. and there was one
strawberry.
On one Of the gentlemen in Congress say.
ing: ''We mast return to the food of our
ancestors," somebody asked: "What food
does be mean p ''Thistles, suppose, said
Tierney.
A writer divides men with regard to
their laughter, into three classes, the be, be,
he. the no. no, no, and the ha, ha, ha, mea
the shallow. the gross and refined.
"How one thing brings mp another" said
lady. absorbed in pleasing ret-ospestion.
Eyes" replied the practical Dibbs; "aa
emetic, for instance"
Many Of the Congressman whom the PEG.
pie have given leave to stay at homo are
asking the President for chance to 20
abroad
They wash their children in the street
sewers in Salem, Mass. In old times they
used to dry their mothers at stakes in the
same place.
Why is an errand boy like an old horre
put up at auction? Because be will 90 for
what he will fetch.
A female lecturer in Georgia gets Zee
ride ali over the State by riding her own
mule.
The Wheeling Register has found the
right pronunciation 1t laa-Mob o'liars.