The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-09-05
What's-His-Name?
From scribner's MonthIy.I

w QdG S-n1b-Nduu0
From scribner's MonthIy.J
Mr.. EDITOR There are more than
thousand million people In the world,
and each one of them has name. Of
course, nobody is acquainted with all
these people, but everybody knows
a great many of them. /, for instance,
am acquainted with, say hundred per-
sons. One hundred persons and one
hundred names. Now, how, at a mo-
ment's notice, is a man of average me-
mOry to get all these names and these
people TO fit? / can't do it.
meet man in the street. / know
his face very well. That's easy enough.
He carries it in a conspicuous place.
But how about his name ? Ten to one
can't remember it; why should I?
There's nothing about him to suggest
it. If there was any system of nOmen-
clature which should correspond with
personal appearance it would help mat
tiers. If all the fat persons were named
Jones, all the lean ones Brown, all the
tall ones Robinson, and the short ones
Thompson if people with jimber-Jaws
were named Ferguson, and hook-nosed
persons were all called Ramsey, a great
part of the difficulty / speak of would
be removed. You might not know Just
which Brown or Robinson a man was,
but you could come near enough and
such a thing as totally forgetting the
names of two of your friends Just as you
are going to introduce them would be
less likely to happen than it now is.
Why, I'd rather risk calling my name
rare plant in a hower-pot than one of
my friends who has suddenly come up
on me. I might pull up stick from
the fower-pot and see that the plant
was anercOdius 7nOsn1OriG, but there's
nothing sticking out of my friend to re-
mind me that his name is Samuel b.
Wilson.
It is one of the saddest things in life
that there is absolutely no way to find
out friends name, when you are alone
with him and have forgotten it. You can't
ask man, when you have eaten at his
table, and slept with him, and perhaps
gone to his grandmother funeral, what
his name is And those indirect, zig
gag ways of trying to coax his name out
of him seldom amount to anything.
"By the way" you say, after violent
mental process of ga, a, a /; b, b, b; C,
C, Cox, Campbell-no d, d, d e, EN-
erson; f, f, f etc, show do you spell
your name?" And, ten to one. he says,
"With two Is" And then, after a
frantic struggle in your mind with Tut
tie, Tattle, Tottle, and almost anything
else with three rs, you mildly smile,
and say, 90 yes! certainly" and re-
member thename the instant your friend
is gone. There are plenty of stratagems
of this kind, but where is the good of
than Oavar oOIIl6 see If
Why it's often easier to tell the name
of every bone and muscle in a mans
body than to remember the name of the
man himself. There is generally
reason for naming bone, and if you've
once heard it you may remember it, but
there's no reason at all for peoples
names. never saw a man or woman
who looked in the least like his or her
name.
Now, there should be some way to
remedy this social wrong, for it is a
wrong to conceal ones identity, so to
speak, by cutting off all means of re-
cognition except that which depends
on the memory of ones friends. The
law should be called in. We are OBJ
liged to put numbers on our houses
where everybody can see them, and why
not put names on the jewellers in the
houses. In fact, every man should
have his name placed in some conspicu-
Gus place on his person. This plan
was suggested to me by friend, and
am sure it would work we'll. For in
stance, what could be more ornamental,
as we'll as useful, than breast-pin with
ones name on it? Or, if people pre-
ferred a permanent arrangement, the
old fashion of tattooing in India-ink
might be revived, and put to some prac-
teal use. Such lettering would last
long time.
In case of ladies, for I would apply
this system to both sexes, it might be
necessary, owing to occasional change
of name, to leave room for alteration
when this method of marking was
adopted. But when a more simple plan
IS desired, nothing is more easy than to
put mans name on some part of his
clothing. For instance, shirts are gen
orally marked. Now, why not mark
them where one can see not only to
whom the shirt belongs, but who be-
longs to the shirt ?
One thing is certain, something of
this kind must be done, even If a
"what' s-his-name" plank has to be in
serted in one of the political platforms.
There's no earthly good in universal
suffrage, or anti-popery, or local Opin-
ion, orfwooden pavements, or anything
else, when you can't remember the name
of the man you're talking to.
Yours truly,
ANDREW SCOGGIN.