South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-10-31

seems good.
EFIT was an Irish coroner, when ask
ed how be accounted for an extraordinary
mortality in Limerick, replied sadly, Il can
not tell. There are people dying this year
that never died before.
USE FOR BALLooNs.-Mr FURGUsoN.
of Front Street, goes home drunk for the
fortieth time, and his wife holds up her
hands with vocation and indignation.
Don't SAFER word, Liza (hic)-don't
sherwood I'm gOiu' to buy balloon, (hic)
bloom
what on earth are you going to buy
balloon for, Mr.. FURGUsoN
IN tell you, (hic) Liza. Y'see they've
gossgmany, (hic) got s'many rum shops
long Chesn't street, Teller can't get home
without gettin' drunk. / can get way with
balloon (hic) you know You can come to
the store AN blow it up, an (hic)-an'
then you won't have to blow me up.
EH'A HORSE! A HORSE My king.
dom for horse = cried a celebrated TRACE.
dian. 'Wouldn't jackass do as well p in.
quired an affected young man, rising in his
seat yes exclaimed the actor; .just step
this way The young man sat down.
sG-ONE Of our exchanges thus reasons
with man who don't take the papers
except when he takes them from his neigh
bors: Now, tell you, squire, the day will
come when somebody will write n long GU
logy on your life, character, etc., and the
printer will put it in type, with heavy black
rule over il and under it, and with all your
riches this will be done for you as q pauper.
Your liberalities, wealth and all that will
be spoken of, but the printer, as he arran-
ges the type, will remark, poor mean devil,
he never took the paper, and is now swiud-
ling the printer out of his funeral notice.
GS- The Anderson, Indiana, Herald saws
of circuit judge: Old PIERCE knows Just
about as much about law as a mule does a.
bout mineralogy-chances in favor Of the
mule.
A GOOD DUTCu REASON -'MYNHEER
do you know for what we call our boy
HANS Z do not really We'll, | tell
you. Der reason dat we call our boy HANS
dat ish his name.
g"WHERE shall put this paper so
as to be sure of seeing it tomorrow p in
quired MARY JANE of her brother CHARLES.
ON the looking glass; was her brothers
reply.
ES- THE Irishman had correct appre-
citation of the business, who, being asked |
by the judge, when he applied for a license
to sell whiskey, if he was of good, moral
character, replied: Faith, yer honor, l
don't see the necessity of good, moral
character to sell whiskey!'
CS'JoHN, said stingy old hunk to his
hired man, as he was taking dinner, do
you know how many pancakes you have
eaten p 'No.' well, you've eaten four
teen.' WELL said JOHN, you count, and
I'll eat
EE- a NAsHVILLE man who was admir-
ing young lady's hair the other evening
Miss D, please give me one little curl
just one, won't you 2 be pleaded
Couldn't think of it Mr.. -, couldn't
think of it for moment, replied the young
lady briskly why those curls cost me
dollar apiece.
AE AT recent toa-par.y in the High
lands young man who had been relating
his moro than wonderful exploits 10 various
parts Of the globe was not little set back
by the remark Of an old traveller, young
man, amt you ashamed to talk so when
there are older liars at tho table?
GB AN uneasy boy whose mother tried
to quiet him, on q Boston and Main train,
the other day, by telling him the conduc-
tor sometimes swallows naughty boys, as
tonished her few moments after, as the
portly form Of the conductor appeared at
tho door, by creeping behind her and ez-
claiming in a whisper, Ma, ! guess he has
swallowed one already.