New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-11-02
THE PARISH JUDGE.
By TIATOR.


and the good yelling of schoolboys,
are noises whose din is thrown completely
in the shade by the ubq uitous stentorian
,, voice of the parish judge. The numbering
OF wagons, the lolling of buggies and car
riages, the shouts of drivers and the veil.
/, ing of schoolboys, are sounds natural in
their way, and as necessary to country vii
lage as town pump; but the voice of the
parish judge, never ceasing, from early
more TIL dewy eve never modulating, ex-
cept to go from high key to higher still;
Is something foreign TO the auriculars OF
people living beyond the confines of the
town of Goodborough. The parish Judge.
in his common, natural capacity, in the ca
pacity for which he was designed and
placed by the laws 90 the State and
the untrammeled suffrages OF ct free
and enlightened constituency, is an
officer of the law. a judge of petty
causes--uCne the less Of serious purport
because petty-between man and man; a
vindicator of the public veal. ;nasmuci. as
he gives over 20 a higher court those per
son. ACCUSED o: crimes both gyea. and
small: in fact is, or should be. responsible
person. aloof from the common herd. and
uncontamiuated by Influences that might
warp h:s judgment or bias his mind. Bu.
the parish fudge who iiges in Goodborough
Is an extraordinary parish Judge, as the
people all know thereabouts. and as the
people at q distance will know when they
read this. Nelson Blowhard is no common
,lan' and being parish fudge is OF course no
common parish judge. He is emphatically
a privileged character. He knows no law
but II s own will, in court and oHt Of it. and
/; ckrowledges no superior. either as q loud
| and miscellaneous swearer. or !. reiatov Of
vulgar anecdotes His voice can at any
time be heard above the combined ringing
of the tavern. church and college bells.
Indeed, i Is told for the truth that the
| church sexton was one eyenine observed
to cease ringing his bell: and when asked
| why he did so. replied that Parish
| Judge Blowhafd was 3. the time indug-
ing i'll the luxury of. prolonged string Of
oaths, and that in the first place re did not
| wish to show his disrespect to the law: and
/ in the second place, he knew the people
could not hear his bell while the judge was
| engaged in his evening recreationso True,
loud swearing. bo:stegous talking and indie. ;
cent conversation are not allowed BY the |
laws Of the town to be INDUCED in. and of:
have the veOmanrv contributed thei: mite
to the plethoric vaults of the town treasury |
for the pleasure of such enjoyment: but |
love laughs at locks and prison bars. and |
so Judge Biowhard, filled with the hector !!
of the gods in the shape ot whisky. break.
the Jaw with IMMUNITY. without tea, of |
punishment. and divides his time between |
drowning sorrow in the foaming bowl and |
drowning the ears of ali who have such ap. |
pendages witt. voi.ey after volley Of word. ,
called blasphcmous. The town marshal. |
with his crooked stick. the dread of way.
ward boys and the pride Of the mayor and !
aldermen. tucks that stick Under his arm.
wrinkles his little restless black eyes. ana |
suddenly remembers that be has urgea:
business in another direction; Il would no:
do tor him to question the infailibility. 0:
Judge Blowhard. Such an attempted limo
walton would. beyond doubt. bs attended
with the most seriou. consequences.
Judge Biowhard is steady drnkcr: BE-
drinks more uniformly than the stripes run !
around the body 81 a bia ard abGu: as
often per day as those stripes number or
the skin Of one of the aforesaid animals.
When drinking is mentioned. whisky. not
water. is the liquid under consideration:
for Judge Bl,whard never takes water tx.
ceyt in a diluted fOrm--diluted bv the |
aforesaid whisky. He arises in The morn.
ing AMI Strengthens himself up before break
fast with pint. varying the mopotony fre.
quently by cutting his little daughter and
cursing at her like an ove-bearing sea cap. !
tain at :. haft-starvei sailor. After break
ing fast he picks Up his insignia Of office, a /
| arge hickory stick with a half pound Of {
lead on the hand.end. with which he has,
in his oiicia! wrath. been known to knock ;
men over the head for being drunk and ,
disturbing the peace by their boisterouse t
ness. sa!iies forth TO the nearest core
ner grocery. where lie :mbibes another pint =.
Dt diluted a!coho! rs a means of making |
himself presentable 10 the public at ten '
o'clock. IN his capacity as law dispenser. ,,
The vicious youth .: the community re- G
Give 10 ieuiency at his hands He has !
,eeu known OF one occasion to bind one ! |
nan over TO tie higher cour: IN the SUD- of !.
500. for committing the objectionable off Q
ei..e OF breaking open the door of !: Gala. Il
,oo5e. and 1t Is positively related Of iim i
~ his more enthusiastic admirers. as hut a y
light token OF III. even way Of dispensing |
G.tice. that he actually grabbed one man r
~ tor shooting another from the brush. -
nd made the said poor fellow sign his b
ame to a bond OF slo0. with good security. Il
or bis final appearance at the higher court. Il
!: Wh.c. time he was t" be put through the y
r,ying ordea. of going scot free. b
He imbues himsei. anew with IL. spark.
ing S9sy on the exc o: going to dinner, of | d
which he partailes AZ the pleb.ian hour Of n
weive. Ii is hi. custom. when he goes into d
nc house at this time. to divest hiinsei: of c
/. stick Jon: enough: to caTess and fondIe ! "
big black dog. which Is the Jog Of hi. in
cart: after which be takes it up again aad ! Il
yes his wife a few hard knocks on 'hs L
eat: as q token Thar " j. ready 20 dine. r.
he repast over he breaks the inon0.ony of III
ne programme oy throwing her with more 81
ioIence than is common for men to exer OF
re toward their wives on the floor 20 49, v,
ind her in feeble way that lie is lord
Cd master At home 81 well as abroad .
:ter these and sgndry other minor siInilay I.
2 ioImances, he repairs to the corner gro. H.
-. Long alter the moon Ia, climbed the -,
gLest hill that rises beyond the rushing 81 FL
e arrowF creek that CIcircles the village r.,
.e the traciuCs Of q ra-lclan's wand. il #