Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-08-07
FIRST INTRODUCTION TO DE TIRE.
MEMS & co.

FAhot ANlNVUUCiAVN ~ DE IKE.
MEMS & co.
1 am an old commercial. I have
been on the road nearly thirty years,
during which time I have managed to
make our house at Rockdale the most
famous in the trade for Welsh Aannels
and railway rugs.
My success, however, with my GUS
toners has not so much depended upon
the goodness or cheapness of the goods
1 had to offer as upon my personal
abilities to please all sorts OF people.
can sing good song, and tell . funny
story. l can drink wine, beer, and
whisky in any reasonable quantities,
without growing dull or drunk. can
even sit with teetotal customer for
mortal hours, over q cup or two of tea,
without swearing, always providing
there is fair chance of q line IN my
order sheet.
One day last month I was ]ourneying
in my gig from Shrewsbury to Chester;
the day was dull and damp, and a
Scotch mist pervaded creation: the
Indigenous on either side of the road,
the people I met or overlook, the cows
and sheep in the fields, the crows and
sparrows, the houses I passed, seemed
utterly miserable, wet through, done
up, and mystified. have weathered
MANY q storm, have been wet and dry
again two or three times day; have
been split into bitches, pitched into
hedges, and against stone walls; I have
been robbed and nobbed by footpals
and llfe-preservers but never before
had I lost the natural buoyancy and
jollity of my disposition. On the morn
ing OF the day in question, however, I
felt like all things animate and inani-
mate-to speak commercially, fooled.
OF course had my remedy with me in
my driving box, which I soon pressed
into service it was pint flask, full of
the purest Glenlivat. This is balm
of Gilead for any weather, thought I,
as took my fret dose. My mouth
exactly holds one-eighth of pint.
Hundreds of gallons have travelled
the same way, but I believe ambrosial
nectar could never have been so CRATE
full to thirsty god as that streak of
liquid sunshine was to me. felt my
chest expand, and my minds eye could
see my other eyes sparkle with CLINT
of their usual fire. What cared / for
wet without The whisky within was
proof against watery particles, and de-
fed them in any shape; so, taking
another drink to make sure l had not
served out short measure on the pre-.
vious occasion, I logged on, sometimes
musiug OH my past, sometimes spec.
ulating as to my future, refreshing my
memory and squirting my hopes with
spirits of the Elixir, until in due course
1 arrived at the Red Dragon, at Ches
ter, full of my usual spirits, and with
an empty flask.
By the time q hissing-hot rump steak
was ready for ABSORPTION into my sys-
ten, had duly sent off my dispatches
to our house. Business first, pleasure
afterward; SO sat down to my dinner
pint of sherry, then had drop Of
brandy to assist digestion, and then my
usual forty winks.
considered I had fairly got through
thebusiness Of the day, and, Frightening
up, | called for my pipe and jorum OF
toddy, and, resigning myself to the
soothing influence Of the weed and
whiskey, l waited patiently for an ar
rival to spend the evening with; for I
was alone in the commercial room, and
the only sounds cognizable to my senses
were those of the rain pelting away ut
the window and the hollow rumbling
OF stray vehicles over the paving:
stones.
did not count never debut
believe l had arrived at my fifth grog
and pipe, when, feeling chill, I drew
the heavy armchair closer to the fire
this little act occupied several minutes,
for the handy legs of the stupid old
chair would make for themselves q
Place under the hearth-rug. tried to
circumveRt the awkward limbs, and tenn.
porized with my toe; but the more ]
kept Oh wanting to get them right, tho
more they kept on not wanting to be
righted, and, being fidgety in all little
matters of personal comfort, I was posi-
lively obliged, at a risk of a rush o.
blood to the head, to lift the club
footed old chair with one hand, and to
lay the refractory corner of the rut
with the other.
When, by this effort of exhausted
nature, had accomplished my object
took stiff pull at my replenished
toddy, filled my pipe and lighted it
and, with the feelings of man wht
had obtained u victory, threw mysel
into my late enemy's lap, pinched hi,
mahogany old arms with my elbows
stretched out my feet upon the fender
and laughed outright at my triumph
with my usual jolly ha! ha! till tn
room rang again.
"Ha! Ia! hal hat" till the room
rang again, followed like an echo tn,
lila! ha! that originally belonged t,
me.
TO my surprise and delight, foun,
an arrival had ensconccd himself in tin
fellow-chair to mine, had his jorum O
toddy on the other corner of the mantcl
his pipe in full blast. his elbows ON til