Beaufort Republican. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1871-1873, 1873-02-27
MY WIFE'S NEW BONNET.

MY WIFES NEW BONNET.
"Mrs. Jackspratt," said I, eff you
love me, don't ask me for money
Times are hard-exceedingly hard, Mrs.
j., and 1 have just all can do to make
both ends meet"
But, my dear William. I've worn
this bonnet all Winter" urged my
wife, "and it really doesn't look fit to
wear again"
Now there is one popularity about
my wife, my dear sir, which really
amuses me, because know that it is
entirely original with her. Ordinarily
she addresses me as Mr.. Jackspratt,
or ". Fl. Jackspratt, or you Jackspratt,
but just so sure as she is in want Of q
new bonnet, or q new dress, or cloak
Il never saw woman who could go
through more bonnets, dresses, cloaks,
boots, ETC., i'll given time without in
juring her constitution), just so sure
she begins her petiti-n with my dear
William; and she says it in such way,
and with such smile, that-well, really,
can't resist, you see, always come
down with the stamps.
II am very sorry, my dear Clara, "
said /, every sorry indeed about that
bonnet. 1 can't remember the time
when have been SO cut to the heart as
I am now at sight of that bonnet, but
am very much afraid you'll have to
wear it to church once more, my dar-
ling"
"And is it for this that I married
you, William Fl. Jackspratt ? cried that
superbly beautiful woman, as she ceased
to smile. "Was it for this I left my
happy home, where 1 was surrounded
by every luxury that kind uncle could
supply"
"Confound your kind uncle " said I,
for you see l was losing my temper,
although it is generally the last thing I
do lose.
"Yes, confound your kind uncle!"
repeated, while Mrs. Jackspratt glared
Mt me with all the verocity of female
tiger. HE never did me any good,
notwithstanding the fact that 1 have
had him thrown in my face almost every
week since we we're married. I've heard
often enough of your uncle, Tom Blog-
star, and of his rambles among the
gold mines of Australia, and the dia-
mond fields of South Africa. I'd like
20 sec some of his gold and diamonds,
and I'd like to see him too, Mrs. Jack
spratt. 1 don't want to express single
doubt of your veracity, my dear, but
but saw my leg off if I don't believe
your uncle is fraud"
Mrs. Jackspratt uttered q little
scream, and sank into chair. "Hc
wouldn't have treated me So" she muir
INJURED, burying her face in her napkin.
NO, of course he wouldn't" said 1.
Fortunately know who you refer to.
I've heard since our marriage, of every
thing that your old lover, Captain Dod-
ger wouldn't do, and now, just for vari-
ETY., I'd like to know what he would do
If he was in my situation ?"
"Oh, why did not marry him ?" in
quired Mrs. Jackspratt.
That's just what I'd like to know, "
said I.
90 you brute !"
"Go on my love"
"Are you going to buy me bonnet p
stamping her little foot.
I'D coin my heart into dollars"
VIII you buy me bonnet?"
"But, my dear, need every cent of
money 1 can raise this week in my bus
mess"
"W. H. Jackspratt Calmly and de-
terminedly) 81 must have q new bon
net this very day."
81 hope you may get it," said I, and
with that parting shot took up my hat
and walked out of the house.
Now, my dear reader, 1 wish to inform
you that, Notwithstanding the conclu-
sion you have arrived from reading the
foregoing conversation, am really one
of the kindest hearted men You ever
heard of; and furthermore, have no
hesitation i'll saying that in my own
opinion, no man ever loved n woman
with such intense intensity as 1 love
Mrs. Jackspratt, and I would do any
thing to make her happy but when q
woman won't be satisfied with the very
best a man can do, why she must 60 un-
satisfied.
That was what 1 said to myself that
morning while making my way to my
place of business, little thinking what
an amount OF agony was In store fo1
me, little dreaming that 4 few short
hours would find me the most miser.
able man in the city.
may as well tell you here, before
going further, that l am the senior
partner in the firm of Jackspratt &
Tuttle, pork merchants; and 1 don't
object to gratifying your curiosity sc
much as to inform you that the pecuni.
airy affairs OF the aforesaid firm were il
such ticklish condition upon this par
- ticular morning, that failure was not
only probable, but imminent.
Tuttle met me at the store door.
"Well," said ].
"We can get through to-day, but God
help us tomorrow, I've raised every
cent 1 can."
We went into the store together, and