The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1873-08-09

ONF profession, says Punch, is safe from
the invasion Of woman. She may enter
the army. but it is impossible that she IAN
man the navy.
''WHAT are the chief ends of man m
asked Sunday-shool teacher of one Of his
pupils. Head and feet, " was the prompt
reply. The teacher tainted
THERE are times when the mind is bur
denened and oppressed with an accumula-
ton Of fatigueing and unfortunate duties
and occurrences, when everything one has
done seems proitless and unworthy.
AN Irishman one day r1et his priest at a
milestone. "Arrah, your riverance, saving
presence, there's prsist, said he, point
ing to the milestone. ga priest why do
you call that priest, Mike n ''Why, your
riverence, It's at least pr Aist, for it points
the road it never goes itself.
A COMMON epitaph in Arkansas cemeter-
les is 1--WE viii mest in heaven, husband
dear" According to a Western paper,
this explains why the men of Arkansas are
generally conducting themselves 40 as to
60 to the other place.
Two men, disputing about the pronun-
citation Of the word ''either" one saying
it was se-ther, the other i-ther- agreed to
refer the matter to the first person they
met, who happened to be an Irishman,
who confounded both by declaring ''it's
nayther, for it's ayther.
THE real wants Of nature are the meas
ure Of enjoyments, as the foot il the meas
ure Of the shoe. We can call only the
want Of what Is necessary, poverty st.
Clement.
SEVERAL passengers, on the lower MIS-
sissippi, were attracted by the alligators
basking in the sunshine. care they am
phibious, Captain 7" asked a looker-on.
"Amphibious, HI n answered the enthu-
siastic officer, they'll eat hog minute"
ERRoRs.-What subject is there 50 seri-
GUS that the newspapers cannot make it
appear ridiculous Read the following
statement as it appeared yesterday in our
kilograms Everybody in this place had
Rholera syDstoBts, and some large families
have only tlro left Richmond Va.) Dis-
patch.
A DANBURY gentleman Of sixty years
writes his letters with lead pencil, and
then carefully applies blotter before do
ing them up He says nobody, unless he
has used sand, can understand how handy
the blotters are
A MINISTER had a negro in his family.
One Sunday, when he was preaching, he
happened to look IN the pew where the ne
gro was, and could hardy contsin himself
as he saw the negro, who could not read
or write a word, scIibbliag away most in
'ustriously. After meeting, Ne said to
tie negro Tom, what were Won doing in
h. ~ - III
de yemmen takes notes '.BIuE your
notes here and let me see them Tom
brought his notes, which looked more like
Chiness than English why, Tom this IS
all nonsense" 81 thought u. massa. ALI
the timeyou was preaching it
The Edmhurg Dalg Rsoisu records an
amusing Dntersation which took place in
the galleries Of the Free Church Assembly
one day Ately Young There's old
DIR. A. gang to speak. Isn't he a bore |"
Old ladyQaughing -''Well. suppose he
is but o. you know rather like him N
Young hdy-'I cant bear him Old
lady (aftF some time )-"Who is that nice
old gentleman speaking :" Young lady
"Ah, thit's Mr.. B, Of -" ''Old
lady (heitatingly) Don't you think he
is-rathg prosy T. Young lady Indignant
ly)-No, indeed, d. not. Allow me to
inform you that that is my father" Old
lady-Ok indeed Then | am glad hIt
the markso gently, because Old DIR. A.
is my huiband. SO | suppose we have bath
got lesson, my dear don't you think 70 F'
MAGIcoF WoEp. .-Mother, is a word
to whichevery bosom responds. II finds
its way ID our hearts in our youth, and re-
talns its hold upon us In our age. If faith
ers are looked up to for precept, principle,
and example, mothers are relied on for
tenderness and endearing affection. Fathers
are strongholds of safety mothers are
sources Of love and consolation. The word
Mother is as soft breeze coming up from
the valley-sweet, soothing and grateful
cooling the fevered brow, calming the ruff
fled spirit, and tranquilizing the agitated
heart What voice vas ever like the ten
der, soft voice Of mother