The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1873-11-08

Every cord Of wood given % the
poor Is recorded above, .s
A Kangaroo is a curious chaPi Wlser
it's wide awake it's leapiuE
lat words ofCapt. 1aslsHE'fI Be
hanged I'll 90 up Oh that plstf6Nsk
"You don't do that again. Y ssi 49,
pig to the boy who cut Bis tail ,QR,
When are skipping lambs like lKef
ary volumesP When they are b0undls'
sheep. '''1
10 keep warm on q cold day, Che
women double the Cape and the Wen
double the Horn.
Many man. WHO Thought he had
made bargain buying silks fOund
that he had got worsted.
A Fort Plain merchant advetises
bis goods at oxyun. That man flas
always steered clear of newspapers.
Basilicontllaumaturgist Is the titte
BY which conjurer of Harrisburg,
Penn, chooses to advertise himself,
y II
When ,Ionah's fellow-passengerr
pitched him overheard. they evidently
regarded him as neither prophet nor
loss. a
The editor 0fa Nevada newspaper
gives notice that he cannot be brited
with five-cent cigar to write Il tivss
dollar puff.
Twas night. A warm couple stoWa
In the pale, cold moonbeams. Their
lips touched, and there was q sound
like a COW hauling her hoof out Of the
mud.
A reporter of n Louisville paper re-
Gently found y pocket-bOOk filed with
money, and Immediately handed II
over to the police. The money wES
counterfeit.
In passing through a dark tunnel on
a Pennsylvania railroad. 4 wOmanh
voice was heard exclaimlng '.Don1
you fool around 1 carry pistol h
my panier!'
A Louisiana man puts n twO-OuIM&
can Of nitrOglycerine inside Ofa chick
Ell. tosses the chicken to an alligator,
and the bayou which once know that
alligator, knows him no more.
"Raw recruits for satan,'' Is the
kindly compliment bestowed by the
Northern Christian Adrocafe IN record
ing the admission Oftwo hundred new
students into Cornell University.
"How does that look, eh?" EiD a
big-tiSted Wall street nan TO friend.
holding up one Of his blawny hands.
That, 7 said the friend. looks as
though you'd gene short on soap"
The Louisville COn'ier>,J0wnM says
chat n Tennessee editur, who has
been drinking Cintinnatti whifkey fnr
month. has written to I'm eastern
printing house for patent inside. ~
A Texas barber. who crnamentSA
his front door with a white knob, is
said to have mad no peace until the
Inst vestige of 1t had been shot away
by his sprighty neigh6ors, who made
use Of it asa target.
The city carrier of a Missouri paper,
on publication day, seats himself in
the nearest saloon. ard IN the colFs..
Of u lew minutes delivers each subsrri-
Der his paper In person, thus saving
time and shoe leather.
So witty compliment Is rarely
made a. that of Snyder Smiths to his
friends Mrs. Tighe and Mrs. CUTIE;
"Ah, there you are'--the cuff that
every one would be glad to wear, and
the tie that no one Would loOse."
The people Of Providence are highly
incensed at the discovery ofan old Eng
lisII Gazetteer. published III ITS.
which describes Bristol rs n town iii
New England ''having a conmOdions
lmrbOr, at the entrauve OF which lies
Rhode Islald."
Greensburg wants a directory. Itl
n nightly occurlvpCe that lDanF OF her
citizens cannot find the way to their
homes. II viii require peculiar di-
Iectory to elucitlate tie intricacies Of
the streets OF the town on such oeCA-
sions, however.
Shortly after the recent illness Of
John Hickman. Washington TowM-
send called on him, aud, wishing to
encourage him, remarked Well, HiCk-
man, | cant see that your appearance
need trouble you." mo, Townsend,
replied the invalid, "it doesn't; 1t is
my disappearance tlnt troubles me"
An old gentleman by the name Of
Moore, employed at Smiths sawmlll,
Portland, had his right arm caught
IN a circular saw last Monday, and 70
badly lnangled that the arm had to BE-
amputated. Moore has y family liv-
Ing near Eugene City.
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