The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1873-10-11
FRESH MILK.
A DANBURY MAN DETERMINED TO HAVE
IT-How HE GOT IT.

IT-How HE GOT IT.
The man across the way who enjoyed
vegetables fresh from his own garden
through the summer, has bought COW.
His wife told him how nice it would be to
have COW on the premises, so to have
milk fresh and pure every day, and always
in abundance. Then they could make but
ter themselves and not eat the rank stuff
out of the store. She told him there was
enough stuff from the garden and table to
almost keep the COW, and the product
would be just about so much clear gain.
He figured it up himself with pencil, and
the result surprised him. He wondered
why he had not kept COW before, and
inwardly condemned himself for the loss
he had been inflicting upon himself Then
he bought COW. On the evening of its
arrival he went out to milk it. But the
animal was excited by the strange sur
roundings, and stepped on our friend and
kicked over his pail, and nearly knocked
one of his eyes out with her tail. He
worked at the experiment for an hour, but
without any success. Then his wife came
out to give advice, and his son came ont to
see the fun. The COW put one of her heels
through the woman's dress, and knocked
the boy down in the mud, which ended their
interest in the matter. One of the neigh
bors MIXED the animal that night, and
came around the next morning and showed
the man how to do it. The third day the
COW escaped the surveillance of the boy
who was left to watch her, and when the
man came home at night, she was nowhere
to be found. The boy had also disappear
ed, and our neighbor found he was obliged
to hunt her up before supper. He walked
around for while, and then returned home,
but the animal had not been seen. Then
he went off again and made very thor
ough search, and about 10 o'clock that
night he came back with the COW, his
clothes begrimmed with perspiration and
dust, and his face flushed and scratched.
He wanted to kick the animals ribs in,
but realizing that such course would
result in pecuniary damage, he changed
his mind. The boy wishes he had obeyed
the first impulses. On the fourth day
they churned, SO as to have fresh butter for
the table. The mother took hold of the
dasher first, because she said she used to
do it when girl, and liked no better sport,
She pounded away until she caught crick
in the back that doubled her up like
knife, and then she put the heir to it. He
had been standing around eagerly waiting
for chance, and grumbling because he
didn't get it, and when the dasher was
placed in his hand he was so happy he
could hardly contain himself. He pumped
away for an hour at it; then he said if he
had to do it any more he would run away
and be a robber. At noon the man came
home and learned the situation. He was
little disguised at the "tom-foolery," as
he called it, and took hold of the churn
himself, and made it bounce for while.
Then his stomach commenced to fall in,
and his spine to unjoint, and his shoulders
to loosen. He stopped and wiped off tho
perspiration, and looked around with
melancholy cast to his features, and went
at it again. The butter did not come,
however, but everything in the way of ora
torical effect did. He got so dreadfully
excited that his wife, smelling strongly of
camphor, took the dasher away from him,
and went to work herself. At this the son
put his cap under his jacket, and miracu-
lousy disappeared. Later in the day the
milk was poured around the grape vine.
On the fifth day the COW knocked down
length of fence to the next lot, and ate all
the oranges from tree that stood in tub,
and when the people attempted to drive
her out, she carried away a new ivy on her
horns, knocked down valuable vase of
flowers, and capped the climax by STUN
bling over a box of moses and falling on
a pile of hot, house frames. On the sixth
day our neighbor sold his COW to butcher,
and now eats strong butter which comes
from the store.