The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-08-23

IN THE FIELD, Y
To the Editor Of The World.
SIR So far as I can gather from the
newspapers and from careful aud statlsti.
cal inquiry the demand for lecturers dur /
ing the coming season will tar exceed the !
supply. As people | suppose we num-
her about 4OO00,OO0 souls. Now it has
been settled beyond all question that to
attain to that full fruitiou of existence of
which the American freeman is capable
each soul,or rather each man, woman, and
child, must have lecturer. But we have
only 10000, 900 lecturers, including those
who read and otherwise play on the nasal
timbrel either by note OF rote.
Wherefore as il seems to me, unless we
can avert this impending calamity 10000
900 souls are destined to drag through the
winter without lecturer.
propose 10 avert in this manner
have organized lecture department,
and hereby announce that am ready to .
instruct. enlighten, amuse. and prepare for .
the celestial spheres the 2O,OOO,OOO atore |
said. through the following well-known /
Christians, scholars, statesmen, and NOR
alists
SCHUYLER COLFAN.
The public will readily recall this talking
patriot as "A former member OF Congress
from one OF the Western States. As
Congressman, he was distinguished for the
perennial sweetness of his smile which
was altogether unlike Zach. Chandler 5
smile inasmuch a. Xachariah never takes
anything sweet in his smlle-and Tor the
never.ceasng flow of his elOquence, which
is like unto the gush Of root beer. lie at
tanned to the highest office but one in the
- r Al ,..,,l. L. no
loved that the afiiuent insisted on sending
him check, for 1000 almost daily, aud
when they were giving out the Credit Mo
hier stock they cruelty and unkindly
skipped Schuyler
The department confidently recommends
this pure and spotcss orator 10 Sabbath
schools, children's missions and the
Freedmans Bureau, though lecture com
mittees will have the undoubtcd right ~
nut him where he will do the most good
His subject will be II Undiscovered Men
dacitv is Not a Sin, in the treatment OF
which be- clears up that ancient conun
drum How are the mighty fallen and
establishes beyond q doubt that Oakes
Amc- has not gone To- bc an angel
JAMES A. NyE
Thi. gentleman was one of the early set.
tiers OF NAUsAHH NhtIlft llliH lNlllt''I r
came 10 be called Bleeding Kansas When
the Territory got IN be "a State he wa,
made Senator In Washington they knew
he was a Senator from the remarks h,
made While in the Senate he proposed
u pay of the national debt by a tax o
$50 gallon on whskcy, affirming that he
and his associate, could Wipa out that bur
den in two years His subject will b,
Temperance IN the treatment Of whicl
he will explain the theory Of snakes ii
boots and rats disportlng ON the walls
The company confidently recommends thu
eloquent gentleman to the Grand Army OF
the Republic, a. one that alway- walked O
crack when others taltGred
BROTHER HARLAN.
lfthc department had no other lecturer
tpoffcr to the bcnlghtcd public il would b
cuuten. 10 Eo down 10 po>terity with Oh,
credit OF having put this angelic creJtur,
on the platform. Generally, it is enough
% say in hi, favor that he was formerly
member oi Congress and Cabinet office
from one Ut the Western STATES but whci
il is remembered that he was and still is
church member in good standing il Is cN
pected ho will 60 of like the vIsors from
Murphy 4, army caps of glue Hi, -ubiec
will be The efficacy of Prayer, IN th,
treatment of which he will sabw how
man can pray into the Senate. and how "a,
Secretary OF the Interior, one may pray
private carriage hire, persona. visiting
cards, and Kid gloves into the general eN
pcnse account OF the Department of the
Interior Brother Harlan authorize, thi,
Department IN give out u committees tina
he will Vraud.dl,couut any man or wumar
ct the audience for $500 or hi. price BON
lecturiug at the old fashioned game oO
bowling prayer, according o. the rules au.
regulations Of the Methodist Book Concern
SIR THOMAS MURPHY, BNRoNET.
The department offers this lecturer Il
committees and others as a mental prodigy
for though he eau scarcely write his owl
name hc has composed lecture which
for felicity OF expression purity Of dlctiUu
aud grammatical construction. has ouly
been euualled by some OF our recent Pres
idential messages. Like others di-tfp
guished lecturers, the Barunet has sclecte,
a subject Of which he is as density iguorau
rs any living men. Society is his theme
aud he handles hi. spacuc So daccnty
that were Chesterfield living he would ~
greet hi, birth. The Barouet shows no,
he has risen from o sailors b1ariing.h0us
keeper Ia be the social peer OF the head u
the first family of the republic, and for
chilly and very eloquently recommends arm
contracts aud the Now York custom-h ou.
as rounds in the social ladder whereby ou
youth may climb To social reuOwu
WILLIAM D. KELLEY
This Philadelphia genius distiuQui-hc
alike for his conspicuous stcriIity Of min
and extraordinary tecuudjty ct expires -I
will deliver few lectures as many as hi
public duties will permit 20 the Tow uril
Of SlOu or the price Of one League Islam
houso-lot each,on Pig Iron The Depar
meut earnestly recommends this lecturer
districts where the people are suiigriu
from inability to sleep, In manufacturer
town where there are many engine whistle
and sleep il next t. impossible, this bor
orator is absolutely without a rival
lie begins with the primeyal age-scycrj
milliuuol centuries anterior tl Noah COME
down through the various geological form
atoms Of the glubc-against which, wit
all il contains he seems 70 have spite
tracing Pig.iron from it, original elemcu
through all its changes through the fuul
dry.through Congress, even down To- whci
il merges into the campaign expenses of
"loil election And rs his eloqucuce
excessively turcid aud flows ON Ikea gre,
river Of mud-well, universal and uneXecl
tional sleep is the result There H. uuthir
like It this side Of the grave
LORD ROSCOE CoNELiNG
This eminent nobleman has cnn.eute
IN deliver lust one lecture for $1,000
provided the right place and the right Kin
fan audience can be- obtained lie insi-
that he will speak only in Central Par
that day must be made two weeks Ion
that there be 100000 people present, thj
the men shall all wear dress-eoats al
white kids, and the women full event
dress His subject will be Trousers
ought they to be cut large or small 2.
this noblcman has given more attention
to his subject than any man in public i
aud az lac is known TO be loyal, even to Il
taking Of his pay which had baekwar,
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