The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-07-30
SCRAPS.

"A man tDdC OuSilI W p0 Ioihoih
beredA one-legged soldier. :
IA Kangaroo is curious chap
when it's wide awake it's leaping
Padding is a mere matter 9:
form.
A pretty cheek is not a bad side
show.
"The Saltwater" is a new name
for tie Houston Mercury.
A Harper's Ferry man owns
whole mountain, and offers to trade
it for a shotgun.
Why is a minister near the enc
of his sermon like a ragged urchin
Because he's toward his close.
Mrs. Snidkins says her husband
is a three-handed man-right hand,
left hand, and a little behind-hand.
The latest announcement of new
music is, "Hush, Sisters Dying,
with pisRo accompaniment"
Poughkeepsie churches nail up
pews which they cannot rent and
strangers must either sit on the
floor or leave.
An Ohio lawyer includes IN his
bill against his client: "To waking
upin the night and thinking about
your case-slO."
A Cincinnati brewers wife pa
pered her trunk with his keg
stamps and he is in Jail for the
way he took on about it.
People never applaud Mexican
actors. When a man makes good
hit they pelt him with fruits, and
he is rewarded with peals OF laugh
ter and banana.
The New Orleans Fireman's
Charitable Association offered
hose carriage trotting race as one
of the attractions of their fair on
Sunday, the 18th inst.
"A Clinton, Iowa, clergyman
startled his flock last Sunday even
ing by telling them that "hell was
not so full of men and women a:
men and women were full Of hell:
What's the use of trying to be
honest ?" asked young man, the
other day of a friend. ''Oh ! you
ought to try it once to see," was
the reply.
A Florida paper has ascertained
that a healthy alligator can ea'
seven negro children inside of seven
hours and not display any symp'
toms Of disquiet.
A murderer at Meridian, Miss,
asked to be hung on the Fourth Of
July, and the judge kindly con-
sented, as it would help along the
proposed celebration.
"What are YOU doing there, you
rascal?" "Merely taking cold.
sir" ssIt looks to me as if you
were stealing ice." "Well-yes-
perhaps it will bear that construc'
ton
A Dutchman getting excited over
an account of an elopement of a
married woman, gave his opinion
thus: eff my wife runs away NIT
anoder mans wife, I shake him out
of his preeches, if she be my fad
der, mine Got
Wilson, the celebrated vocalist,
was upset in his carriage near
Edinburgh. A Scotch paper, after
recording the accident, said: eve
are happy to state that he was able
to appear on the following evening
in three pieces"
An Irishman went for the first
time to a play. Just as the drop
curtain descended, after the first
act, an engine in the basement ex-
ploded, and tn. .Celt was blown
through the root ~alighting in the
next square. His first remark after
coming to his senses, was, wAnd
what the devil do they play nextn!
Grace Greenwood relates as ar
instance of the extravaganza o.
New England humor that when &
young farmers wife made her first
boys pants precisely as ample be-
fore as behind, the father exclaim
ed, "Goodness! he won't know
whether he's going to school Of
coming home.
A Meadville, Pa, girl, who wa;
looking at a circus clown whirline
q hat with a stick, remarked to be-
Young man that she "used to dc
that" Tie young man was looking
at a contortionist in another part
of the arena who had his legs tied
around bis neck, and an explanation
was necessary.
Here is an excuse from South
ern paper, which is an excuse.
One wonders whether the pressman
and compositors go off in this man