Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-12-05
Il UMOR.

PECK'S EXPERIENCE WITH A COAL
STovE.-We never had a coal stove around
the house until last Saturday. Have al
ways burned pine slabs and pieces of our
neighbors fence. They burn well too, but
the fence got all burned up, and the neigh
Dor said he wouldn't buy new one, so we
went down to Jones's and got a coal stove.
It is called the Radiant Home, !" and any
man that says we didn't have a radiant
home at our house for about four hours
last Saturday night is Republican and
william. You see we didn't know anything
about coal stoves. We filed the Radiant
Home about half full of pine fence, and
when the stuff got well to going we filled
the artesian well on top with coal. 1t SIM
mered and sputtered and all went out, and
we put on an overcoat and pair OF buck
skin mittens and went out too, ITO supper.
We remarked in the course of the frugal
meal that Jones was s'froad' for recon-
mending such COMPOUNDED refrigerator to
a man to get warm by. After supper we
took piece OF ice and rubbed our hands
warm, and went in where that stove was.
resolved to make her draw and burn If it
took all the pine fence in the First ward.
Our better-half threw a quilt over her and
shiveringly remarked that she never knew
what real solid comfort was until she got
a coal stove. Stung by the sarcasm in her
remark, we turned every dingus in the
stove that was movable, or looked like it
had anything to do with a draft, and pref
ty soon the Radiant Home began to heaye
up heat. 1t was not long before she slut
tered like the new Silsby steamer. Talk
about your heat. In ten minutes that room
was as much worse than Turkish bath as
Hades is hotter than Liverman 8 ice-house.
The perspiration fairly fried out OF. tin
water-cooler in the next room. We opened
the doors, and the snow began to melt as
far up Vine street as Hanscombe's house,
and people all around the neighborhood
put on linen clothes. And we couldn't
stop the COMPOUNDED thing. We forgot
what Jones told us about the hampers, and
she just kept abiding. The only thing
we could do was to go to bed, and leave
the thing to burn the house up if it want
ed to.
We stood off with pole, and turned
the damper every way, and at every turn
she Just sent out heat enough to roast an
OK. We went to bed, supposing that the
coal would eventually burn out but about
l2 O'Clock the family had to get up and sit
on the fence. Finally, man came along
who had been brought up among coal
stoves, and he put wet blanket over him
and crept up to the stove and turned the
proper dingus, and she cooled off, and since
time has been just as comfortable as posi-
BILE. IL you buy coal stove you want to
learn how to engineer it, OF you may get
roasted.-La Crosse Democrat.
One of the strong minded tells us that
ssthere is an angel who watches over every
woman.'' If this be true, why is it that
these watching angels suffer SO many OF
the watched women to go to the deuce
heels upward. Courier Journal.
A young lady had coquetted until the
victim was completely exhausted. He rose
to go away. She whispered, as she accom-
panied him to the door, II shall be at home
next Sunday evening"" $50 shall ~ he
replied.
An agreeable and versatile Iowa 'locaF'
says Cedar River is in languishing
condition. 1t is very low and confined to
it's bed. The catfish get aground, and
have to be help off the sand-bars by the
good-natured boys"
A Pekin, ILL.,, coroner's jury rendered
verdict that man, whose body was found
in the river, came to his death by a blow
on the head, (which was given either Ee-
fore or after drowning"
A Rhode Island jury were five days de-
batting on hog case involving seven dol
lars. and then recommended both men to
the mercy Of the court.
A Missouri clergyman's fees for marry
ing fourteen couples amounted to fifty
pounds of dried apples and a due bill for
eighteen bushels of buckwheat.
'.What is your name little girl - sMin-
nie.o ssMinnie what % ''Minnie Don't,
THAT'S what Mamma calls me-"
The Vermont, ILL.,, "Chronicle'' announ-
ces that it will exchange a few tender-lines
for spare-ribs and sausage.
A Cleveland dry goods drummer has, du-
ring the last session, sold $50, 900 worth of
goods, travelled IL 900 miles, and married
four wives.
A Green Bay woman knits, reads, rocks
the cradle, and presides over a sewing So
ciety at once, and fourishes slike green
bay tree.
An ardent youth Of seventeen living in
Green Bay, sold his skates, bought shot
gun. and was in the woods looking for
Spaniards when last heard from.
What is the difference betweena tempta-
ton and eternity? One is vile of the
devil and the other is devil of while.
Mrs. Darlington says she gets up every
morning at the shrill carrion Of the chan
delier.
The surest way to have fish at supper in
the country is to just drop them line be-
forehand.
A young man in Scranton, has four
breach-of-promise suits on hand. His anx-
iety Ito be an angelo is described as
enough to wiring the stoutest heart.
SMART YoUTH.-s'Here Alfred, is an ap-
ole divide it politely with your sister"
1sHow shall I divide it politely, mamma p
AsGiye the larger part to the other person,
nv child.'' Alfred handed the apple to
his little sister, saying: "Here, sis, you
divide it YOURSELF
The explosion of a kerosene lamp re-