The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1873-04-12
MY DEAF WIFE AND AUNT.

don't know what CIVIL genius prolHptcu
the evil wickedness which I perpetrated
toward my wife and ancient relation.
"My DEAR" said 1 to my wife on the
day before my aunfs arrival, "you
know Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow;
well, forgot to mention a rather an
noying circumstance with regard to
her. She is very deaf; and although
she can hear my voice, yet you will be
obliged to speak extremely loud in Or
der to be heard. It will be rather in
convenient, but 1 know you will DO
everything in your power to make her
agreeable.'
Mrs. announced her determine
ton to make herself heard, if in her
power.
I then went to John N, who
loves a joke about as well as any person
1 know of, and told him to be in the
house at z. NJ. on the following even
ing, and felt comparatively happy.
I went to the railroad depot with
carriage next night, and when was on
my way home with my aunt, l said:
"My dear aunt, there is one rather
annoying infirmity that Annie (my
wife) has, which forgot to mention
before. She is very deaf; and although
she can hear my voice, to which She Is
accustomed, in its ordinary tones, yet
you will be obliged to speak extremely
loud in order to be heard.'
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
speaking loud, and to do SO wOi,!d afford
her great pleasure.
The carriage drove ui,--on tGc ste. s
was my Witc--in the window Vas John
N, with Il face as utterly solemn us
if he had buried all his relatives that
afternoon.
"I am delighted to see YOU" shriclled
my wife, and the policeman on the
opposite sidewalk started, and my
aunt nearly fell down the steps.
"Kis5 me, my dear" Dawicd my
aunt; and the windows shook as if with
the fever and ague. L looked at the
windOw--John had disappeared. HUI
man nature could stand it no longer. !
polcd my head into the carriage and
went into strong commissions.
When / entered the parlOr my wife
was helping Aunt Mary to take off her
hat and cape and there sat John with
his face buried in his handkerchief.
Suddenly-"Did you have Il pleasant
Journey" went off my wife like Il pistol,
and John nearly jumped to his feet.
"Rather dusty" was the response in
a war whoop, and the conversation
continued.
The ncighbors for blocks around
must have heard it when l was in the
third story of the building | heard it
every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me:
sIfoW loud your wife tallls"'
I told her deaf persons talked loudly
and that my wife being used to me,
was not affected by the excrtion, and
that she was getting along very nicely
| with her.
Presently my wife said softly
"Alf, how very loud your aunt tallIS!'
eyes" said l, call deaf persons do.
You're getting along with her finely );
she hears every word you say And |
rather think she did.
IIlatcu at their Success OF being I'M
! dcrstood, they went ii hammer and
tonSs, till everything upon the mantle
piece clattcrcd again, and | Was scri-
ously afraid OF II crowd collecting i'll
! front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt be-
ing of an Investigating turn of nlind,
was DESTROYS of finding out whether the
cXcrtion Of talking w;.s injurious to my
wife. So
"Dorsn't talking so loud strain your
lungs"' said she in an uncarthly
Whoop, for her voice was not rs musical
rs it WAS when she WAS young.
cit is an cNcrtion,' shricl>cu my
wife.
"Thcn why do you dc it"'' was the
answering scream.
"Bccausc-bccallsc- c;,,'i hear if
1 dont,' squcaicd my wife.
"N llat!' said aunt, riVi,!iug II rail-
road whistle at the ti,ur.
l began to think it time to uV;lcuatc
the premises and looking around and
seeing John gone, stepped into the
back parlor, and there he lay Hat on his
back, with his feet At right angles, and
his body rolling from side to side with
his fist pollcI into his ribs, and Il most
agoniZcd expression OF collntcnancr,
but not uttCring Il sound. i!Wnl"Ii.
atcly and inNo!uutari!y assumed 4 SIM
liar attitude, and think from Che rel
atiVC position OF oar feet and head and
our attempts to restrain our laughter,
apoplcNy must inevitably have rn5uru
if 4 horrible Groau which John gave
vent to in his CuuraVOr to suppress his
visibility had not betrayed our hiding
place.