River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-03-07
Wit, HamOr and Wisdom.

"A 0hAuh Vi pltCu anu tOoS--A lie Oh
the ocean wave.
WHY is q drunken man much
stronger than sober one9 Because
he's Titan.
1T don't take as much sense to pick
a lock or forge a check as it does not to
do it,
A MAN that don't know emmy thing
will tell it the first time he gets a
chance.
The gardener who grated chestnut
to box-tree found it only produced
large trunks.
MAN must cling to the faith that the
inconceivable is conceivable, else he
will not seek.
MELANCHOLY suicide--A little boy, on
being threatened with whipping, hung
his head.
A MINNESOTA dairy produced 81, 437
pounds of cheese last season with
out putting itself out of its whey.
The dearest object to married man
should be his wife; but it is not infre-
quently her clothes.
A PERSON invited to a golden wedding
sent this reply: 81 am sorry cannot
come this time, but will the next"
CONDUCTORS who neglect to use their
punches do not do their hole duty
even if they collect all their fares.
A WAITER in an icc-cream saloon
wanted more pay of the tiresome nature
of his services
PH1LosoPHY Of the future: Moralist
Who knows what tomorrow will
bring forth Postivist-The day after.
RAILROADS have now three gauges
broad gauge, a narrow gauge, and a
mortgage.
OUGHT you to reckon a dogs worth
by what he will fetch, or by what he
will brings
THE man who was hungry, and told
to bolt his door, said he would much
rather bar it.
THERE are between fifty and sixty
thousand foreigners in Africa hunting
for gold and precious stones.
THE new national flag OF China is
said to resemble an old bed-quilt with
Holsters running around the edge.
Why is it not good to beat children
hard and oftenl Because you may
beat oft and harden.
A WESTERN editor says of neighbor
with a quivering eyelid, that he "stut-
ters in the left eyel"
A HINT.-Those young ladies who
make up their faces do not always find
young men TO make up their minds.
THE superfuous blossoms on a fruit.
tree are meant to symbolic the large
way in which God loves to do pleasant
things.
AN old lady describes a genius as
ga man what knows morn he can find
out, and spills vitials on his Clothes"
IT will keep children from many a
snare and temptation to sin il they can
surely feel that their parents are their
best companions and friends.
AN unsuccessful attempt is said to
be on foot in Maryland to produce a
"corner on oysters" In fish, now,
there might be chance for an angle.
WHAT is the difference between
sailor and beer-drinker2 One puts
his sail up, and the other puts his ale
down.
A DARKROOM orator, expatiating upon
political opponent, said that he was
mean enough to steal ashes from his
neighbours garbage box to sprinkle his
own door-steps with.
MAMMA, a brooklet means a little
brook, doesn't it2 and an eaglet little
eagle 2" Eyes, my darling" "Then,
ma, does an eyelet mean little eye,
and hamlet a little ham,"
In Montgomery, Ala, the other day.
''four young men did get upon a spree;
one took out his little jack knife, and
now there amt but three" says
spnghtly reporter.
A FLOATING hotel is said to be build
ing on the Allegheny. The first order
of the Captain of the craft will be,
Prepare to receive boarders."
IF anger arise in thy breast, instant
ly seal up thy lips, and let it not go
forth for, like fire, when it wants vent,
it will suppress itself.
Two YOUNG men of Dover, N. H.,
went ceiling last week and caught, in
one day, 700 pounds Of snakes"
which readily commanded twelve cents
per pound.
A WORTHY gentleman in Danbury
played euchre at ne ighbor's house
until an hour after midnight, and beat
every game, but got skunked going
home.
PLAIN things mayb be cheap and hum
bic as one chooses, or ones purse COM
pels, but anything like luxury must al.
ways be good. Cheap necessaries are
very respectable. Cheap finery is low.
A LAWYER wanted case decided in
favor OF his client on account OF the
absence of his witnesses, and tried to
convince tho iury that the wait of the