Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1873-08-28
Humorous.
CHEEKY "swELLs' -Mumps.
NET PRoFITs-A fisherman's

CHEEKY "swELLs" -Mumps.
Net PRoFITs-A fsherman's.
WHEN does man feel girlish When
he makes his maiden speech.
WHY is an overworked horse like an
umbrella? Because it is used up.
DON'T worry your neighbours cats.
Respect, by all means. his felines.
JOSH BILLINGS says that red herring
will keep man dry better than an UNI
brella.
WHEN girl falls in love with an un-
lucky Irishman her heart always goes
pity-Pat.
"FM going to draw this beau into a
knot" lady said, when standing at the
hymeneal altar
WHY is talkative young man like a
young pig? Because, if he lives, he is
likely to become great bore.
A LADY correspondent wants to know
why, since the invention of needle-guns,
women can't fight as well as men.
WHY do people talk about the idle
wind? 1t is almost always active, and,
like cheerful farmer, whistles as it
works.
FRESH DANBERRIEs
From the Danbury News.l
Ii there is room for one more in that
balloon of the Graphic's. there is a
young man in Danbury who can fill it.
He lives opposite us and plays an &C
Gordon. He might object to running
the risk, but he could be stunned by
blow on the head, and got into the bal
loon before he recovered.
WE saw a man who was crossing
White street, yesterday, pick up lump
of coal and put it in his pocket.
There" we said to ourself, " is a truly
economical man. He is not afraid to
save He realizes that penny saved is
a penny earned, and he will profit by
it." Then he stepped into a saloon to
get drink, and we moved on.
A NORTH MAIN STREET gentleman saw
his boy In front Of the house throwing
ball in the air, last evening. He
hadn't played ball himself for thirty
years, and knew nothing of the kind of
ball baseball clubs have introduced in
the last few years, but he felt the old
spirit rising in him at the memory of
former triumphs, and he held up his
hands and told his son to "let her slide"
She slid. He caught it full and fair,
and then dropped it, and started into
the house, with his eyes full of tears,
and his hands pressed under his arms.
The youth subsequently informed an
other boy that he could plainly hear the
cold mans" bones snap.
&c 80
can tell how many stalks of oats there
are in the average acre. He has count
ed the hairs on his children's heads, and
has the number pasted in their hats.
He keeps company waiting while he
demonstrates the number of tendOns
there were in the animal from which
came the steak, and will stop people in
the stree when they are in hurry and
hold them until he explains how many
threads form the garment which they
may have on. People at first were
struck with admiration for the brain that
man carries with him, but now they
wish he would die.
HHE pastor of the Slawson church
sends us the following item: The
church, as will be remembered, is hold
ing series of revival meetings, which
are largely attended. Prominent among
the speakers is Rev. Mr.. Chaffee, of
Illinois. Last Faiday evening the build
ing was crowded, and Mr.. Chaffee was
considerably animated. He was sitting
in chair at the front, his wonderfully
long legs crossed, and his voice sending
forth volume of song. The upper leg
was swinging maiestically, the motion
increasing as the singing advanced.
They had just reached that part of the
HYMN where it says, "Then / can safely
reach my home, my God, my heaven,
my all, and Mr.. Chaffee was doing his
level best, and had just got out "Then
1 can safely reach my home," when the
oscillating limb came suddenly in con-
tact with a miserable dog that had in
some way got into the house, and sent
it flying and bowling unde- one OF the
benches. Of course Mr.. Chaffee was
surprised, but when a little woman
popped up in the galleay and shook an
ominous looking umbrella at him, and
cried in a voice of passion, "You kick
that dog again, you nlinoy giraffe, and
YOU won't safely reach your home" he
was more than astonished-h was fai-ly
macadamized. He subsequently told
our informant that she never before
was so completely fabergasted, so thor
oughly circumbobolated," whatever that
means.
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