Ashtabula weekly telegraph. [volume] (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1853-1873, 1873-11-08
"a, Fir-i Paper coi,.r.

Paper collars are well enough mn,
stood now, and the addition, of clt
lining has worked wonderful imprc
ment in the article. The boy who {
his first collar in this dav has nont
the trials or apprehensions Of the boy
ten or fifteen years ago. We remem
with unpleasant disiinctness the 4
paper collar We ever wore. IL wa
surprise party. \ half hour after 1
advent OF ourself and the other surpi
crs we were located in the parlor on
mohair chair. And they were very Ere
and vigorous mohairs, too. II was o
intention TO have got in corner. b
we missed the aim, and got located wit
in eighteen inches of the stove. 1t W
large stove, with complicated ma
OF Perpendicular shcct-iron pipes, like
organ. The stove set out from u
wall, and our location gave us a prom
ncnce that would have been very graf
ful had we been back of . store lookin
for lemons, but being ditfident persoi
and having very strong desire to crav
under the carpet and be out of sigh
the prominence put blight on our spin
its that we found impossible to shak
OIL 1t was quite cold out doors, but tn
room being full of people, and som
thoughtful person having closed til (
( door, the temperature commenced {,
density with extraordinary rapidity. Al
of the party sat around the sides Of tn,
room, and in such way rs to take il
| the stove and oursclf 4 dreadful 81
lence sat upon all, disturbed only occa.
sionly by brief whisper of one friend tc
another, which undoubtedly referred TO
our close proximity TO the stove and the
weird soicmnity of our expression,
/ which we desperately but vainly strove
to remedy. We essaycd once or twice
to look into the faces Of the company.
but though better of it, and picking out
| Il place in the wall where the paper had
been torn otf, fell to Studying it with all
absorbing interest. The perspiration
stood out on our forehead in great
drops, and, having stood there till they
got tired, the drops silently rolled down
our face. We would have got out
handkerchief, but we cherished the hope
that some one in the rarty was not look
ing at Us, and dreaded to make any
movement for fear Of attracting his at
tention. Then the brrgamot and sweet
WI Nlti WI NTH We Hdil generously leu
onr locks, with a view to Intoxicating
the senses Of the females in attendance,
commenced to ooze forth. and start
ddwh the back Of our neck for fresh pas
lures. 1t was at this juncture, the heat
of the stove having become unbearable,
that the lady of the house inquired if
the stove was not too hot for the gentle
man. 1t was our purpose to protest that
we never before was so comfortably Sit
uated, but the roof of our mouth having
dried and cracked open, the words must
have got lost in the crevices. But we
smiled-such smile, perhaps, as a sick
man would exchange with an undertak-
er WHO had called in to ask after his
health. 1t was at this point that we be-
came conscious of our paper collar. 1t
was pressing against the back of our
neck with all the ardor of mustard
draft, and one end had broke from the
button and was soaring mai"stically
heavenward. We could feel it crumble
and fall down on both sides, and every
time We put our ha'ds mp, which we be-
gan to do quite often on account of the
cold thrill it gave us, we found it spot
ted with the vitality of that collar The
o her people commenced TO whisper, and
look up at the ceiling, and put their
handkerchiefs in their mouths. We
thought of killing every one Of them on
the spot, and hiding their bleeding re-
mains in the cellar; hut we lacked the
ccolness necessary for such an under.
taking, on account of that Internal
stove, and so gave it up, and kept on
smiling to show our calmneSs. Sudden
ly, when in the midst of what was prob
ably a most maniacal sneer, the collar
parted at the back, and one side dropped
down to the floor, and the other swung
around to the front. \ shrek of laugh
ter burst from the company. and we
bolted for home.-DauJury Ne,cs.i
ART OF ShiNNtSG.-Mena are drown
ell by raising their arms above water,
the unbuoyed weight of which depress-
es the head. Other animals have neither
motion or ability to act in similar man
ner and therefore swim naturally. When
a man falls into deep water he will rise
to the surface and will continue there if
he does not raise his hands. If he
) moves his hands under water, in any
way he pleases, his head will rise SO high
AS to give him free liberty to breathe;
and if he will use his legs us in the art
of walking Tor rather walking up stairs);
his shoulders will rise above the water,
so that he may use the less evertion with
his hands, Or apply them to other pur-
peseS. These plain directions are recom-
mendcd to the recollection of those who
have not learned to swim in their youth,
as they may he found advantageous i'll
many cases.
CATCHING A TARTER-"So you don't
care about donkey riding, missy. and
why?" 80, Ice got pony, and one
doesn't care about donKeys after that,
you know" elias pony got more legs
than donkey, theh:" Missy y(who doesn't
like TO be chaffed)-Yes; exactly hcice
as many as some donkeys that I know of. I"
A lady Oh North Main street saw some
thing on her carpet on Saturday morning,
aud hunting up an old paper, placed it
over the object, carefully lifted it, went
to the back stoop and dropped III the
slop-pail a-pair of gloves. She says