The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-10-18
.ouching''

i}ub me Is short
Aged -.
The sholdy style of big parties /, admiralty hit
,G in the following:
4 gentleman who in some mysterious manner
bad received an invitation to a large and fashion
able party was somewhat Disconnected ON finding
that he was not acquainted with a single person
present, nor Il double one either Finally he
perceived an elderly gentleman Of II dtscOnsoIae
mien looking over Photographic album. Our
nero made for this party Of the second part and
laid " say, YOU and don't seem to know any
BODY here Let's 20 home II was the head Of
Che house.
The young ladies Of Pontiac must be j,,uJd'y
attractive. The Sentinel relates Of one Of them
who was engaged, that seeing her ailianccd
standing in store door on pleasant evening,
she stepped up behind him and taking his arm
said, Come John-takc walk 1t happened
10 be a stranger, who, on turning around, was so
frightened. that he ran through the store out OF
the back door into the alley, and has not been
heard Of since.
The wind was damp with coming wet,
WhenJames and bluc.cycd Lizzie met:
he held bingham DER his head,
and 10 the maiden thus he said:
Oh, lovely girl, my hearts ahrc
With loves unQuenchable desire;
Say dearest one, wilt thou be mine
And join me in the grocery line"
The maid in accent sweet, replied:
Jim, hold the umbrella more my side;
My bran new bOnncts getting wet
I'll marry you, you needn't fret
The Changers of Henry county have adopted
sensible practice, but one that is rough on the
awyers. They settle all disputes among mem
bers among themselves without recourse to the
courts
IN unapprecoted lawyer over in Kankaliec
got hold of an Iaer-Oedn reporter in that town re-
Gently, treated him to the oysters lager beer and
peanuts and finally lent him a dollar. Now when
The lawyer goes to Chicago he always gets an
Hounccd in the Inter- ocean as "Judgc--, Of
Kankascc" The Ga.eue lets the cat out of the
bag.
Some shftless fellow stole the only good shirt
owned by the editor Of the Maroa Nccs, and that
unfortunate individual will now be compelled to
winter it in paper dickey,
Ben. Butler, in recent speech, said the pur.
chasing power Of dollar is less now than it was
in the days Of Washington. There is some doubt
about lhat Nowadays you can buy an average
Congressman for $4,000, and some rule as low as
few shares of Credit Mobilicr. You couldn't
have bought one in g. Washingtons time at any
such price.
The following advertisement appeared recent
" in an English paper: "St James Church.
On Sunday next the afternoon service will com.
mence at half past three, and continue until fur.
thcr notice.
young man at Evansville coughcd up a
twenty-five cent currency note the other day.
The old line politicians think that the issue is
unconstitutional
young lady in New lorl. had the misfortune
10 lose Eor hair the other day, and has advertised
T.. There's moral courage for you!
a good-heartcd but partially deaf old lady is
much disturbed by the talk about the Kickapoo
indians She doesn't see why anybody should
Nick poor Indian.
st. Louis congratuatcs herself that She is
Sound" Chicago thinks she is nothing else.
The following tender missyc was picked up
an the ladies' sitting room at railroad depot
Dear Chas., do you love me as much as you
did at quarter to twelve last night Say you
DO, dearest and ii will give me spirit TO 20 down
and tackle those cold beans left over from yes.
tcTday'
The fellow is a brute if he returns any other
answer than Tackle the bcansm
A Boonsboro Gowa) editor, who supports the
straight republican ticket and calls the grangcrs
potato huge, attended a grange picnic the other
day with several cat straws behind his ear in
the place Of a pencil, and his blue bifurcations
beautifully ornamcntcd with burrs. The farm
crs looked him over carefully, declined the prof.
icrld copies Of his paper smiled blaudly, and
passed by.
They have new cure for liver complaint in
Brookiyn. The patient turns hand.sprngs over
q chair. Fact.
4 small sheet is issued in Baltimore called
"The Baltimore Matrimonial journal and Real
Estate Advertiser The association between
these two interests is xplaned.-16hgran.
a Wisconsin editor objects TO the modern
style Of female dress. When he was married
he says, he could easily embrace his wife, bat
now when lac wanted 10 embrace his grand.
daughter, he had to saddle his pony and ride
around her.
No actor, according to the Danbury Nc7rs Man,
has yey been able to counterfeit that expression
Of joy which man shows when dis covering a
tcn-cent stamp in his paper Of tobacco.
The Great American Coon Company OF Quincy
has just captured coon OF the white variety.
Probably that same old COON" grown white
with age.
Where do the pins go.' asks an exchange
When the ball make, centre shot, they sener-
ally 20 down.