Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1873-12-25
PHUNNYGRAMS.

MS VIE salu she wouldn't, and they re.
manned in bed thirty-seven hours. She
finally yielded, owing to hunger.
When Theodore Hook and one Of his
friends came TO bridge, on one occasion,
the friend inquired, "Do YOU know who
built this bridge ~ NO" was Hooks
reply, but if you so over you will be
"tolled.n
Out West where women are running
for office, the newspapers whose candi-
dates have been elected no longer place
defiant ROSTERS at the heads of their col
umns a modest hen hroods over the
glad tidings of election. Egg zactly,
"A gentleman who rather suspected
some one was pecping through the key
hole OF his Office door, Investigated with
syringe fun of pepper-sauce, and went
home TO find his wife had been cutting
wood and "a chip had hit her in the eye!
One should take care how he kills
lea. That very flea, according to the
DarwinIan hypothesis, might be the
mother OF something that might be the
progenitor of something that would ulti-
mately be developed into a human being.
An unmanncrly chap in Nevada kill
ed man in thealer during the perform
ancc He was very properly elected with
out having his admission money refund
ed, and friend of the murdered man
threatened To kick him besides Thus is
crime swiftly punished in the far West
"A yagabond beggar jew applied for
aims to DR., Raphael, the well. known
Jewish rabbi, and threatened to turn
Christian if the doctor would not help
him. The doctor said To him: VERY
we'll, go Become good Christian, and
| will be satisfied; for you have been
very bad Jew
John Paul says when they want to
find out in the country If n girl is counting
or not, an old lady steps in and remarks:
say, there amt no one sick in this
here house, nor nothin', is there? | seen
Il light burnin' nigh onto twelve o'clock
last night but don't smell no campfire
nor nothin' round.n
"A young man in Utica explains, 81
did not marry that girl on account of her
father. | liked that girl well enough,
but the old man -" Did he he have
any thing against you?n why, tatherl
he had his right foot against me two or
three times one evening, and | never
went there any more"
Gertrude How, OF Flint River, n. G.,
has sued her lover for breach of promise,
and claims $2l, 100000 damages. This
the Detroit Free Press records and then
says: We have taken considerable
pride III putting this item before the pub
lie, and now for our sake we hope she
won't go and settle the suit for bob
tailed dog and six bushels OF beans, as an
Iowa woman did"
-"I'll take glass ofyour divine nectar"
said young man in II lager-beer saloon
the other day. "Vat ecst dotY" asked the
waiter 81 want goblet drain of the eX-
tract of the Somniieroit hop" 1--WE ton't
gots heem," answered the waiter Mum
skull, bring me glass of lagerw The
waiter went TO the bar. keeper and inform
ed him that "A crazy man wanted glass
of beer, but didn't know how to ask for
it. IL kcss he toni mooch English speak,"
said the bar-kecper. Most everybody
thought the barkeeper WAS right.
1t was about two o'clock Friday
morning that Mrs. llennessy, of Nelson
street thinking she heard Il noise in the
kitchen, crept out of bed and 10 that room
to see If it was not llennessey, who had
been expected in for several hours. On
reaching the kitchen she found her lord
and master sitting on the floor, with his
new silk hat in between his knees, and in
the hat several dried herrings and about
two quarts of water. Mr., lennessey was
eyeing the mixture with profound gratih-
cation "John IIennesscy,n screamed the
lady. what are you doing?" "Meg in
CURED Mr., llennessey, with look Of sur
prise "Why, Matilda, I'm (hic , starting
an (hicO aquarium for you Crishmus, ~
Danbury Aetos.
lie was an Irishman, and when first
seen he was coming down Montague
street, Brooklyn, on his way to the Wall
street ferry Over his port shoulder hung
bag containing about bushcl of pota-
toes, and in his starboard hand he carried
a stout stick Being under full sail the
momentum acquired in coming down the
steep grade carried him nearly through
the gateway, when, seeing n boat about
ten feet from the dock, he shook out an
other reef, made an astonishing burst of
speed, and jumped. jus. rs he reached
the deck the potato bag shifted heavily To
port and laid out Broad street clerk
who was smoking a Henry Clay through
a mcersChaum holder while the stick hit
rOtund South street merchant in the
waistband shutting him up like jack
knife aud Pat himself assumed an invOl-
,intarv devotional attitude He was the
nrs, TO recover his perpendicularity, and
as he replaced the bag in its normal posi-
ton, he complacentIy remarked: BE my
sowl, but got the boat anyhow" "Got
the boatW screamed he Of Broad street,
splitting the pieces of amber out of his
mouth, "Why, you double blank idiot,
this boat is coming inn And 50 she was.
Fourteen Years in Prison to Shield