The Camden journal. [volume] (Camden, S.C.) 1866-1891, 1873-02-13
OUR CHIP-BASKET u.
When is newspaper the sharpest? Whel
it's filed.

w heu 10 newspaper ou0 onoi Psso' Fl" AS->
it's fled
In the country they blow horn before
dinner-in town they take one.
One New York teacher puts her pupils
through fre-escape drills.
Alexis is flirting with the slant-eyed Japa-
nese girls Tut, tut, Aleck.
Why is sick cab-horse like bad play?
Because it won't run and can't drau.
Why.do honest ducks dip their heads un..
der the water? To liquidate their little bills.
A Leavenworth editor sat down in reserved
seat already occupied by hornet. He stands
up when scizzoring his editorials now.
Luther Lamb, of Winslow, Me-. lately
celebrated his golden wedding with his third
wife. He has raised flock of fifteen Lambs.
Boston bellies are easily known by the hea-
Wy boots they wear, and their fondness for
onions and corn on the cob.
Prof. Agassiz says that "trilobites are not
any more closely related to phyllopodes than
to any other entomostrace or to the isopod."
A worthy old farmer, who was being wor-
ried in his cross-examination by lawyer in
Maine, exclaimed "Look here, squire, don't
you ask good many foolish questions"
A noble Chicagoan's first thought when
his house took fire last week, was for his
mother-in-law, whom he saved from the peril
of a burning staircase by throwing her out
of the third story window.
A gentleman lately entered shop in
which books and various miscellaneous arti-
cles were for sale, and asked the shop man if
he had Goldsmiths Greece. No, said he,
but we have some splendid hair oil.
When you have bone on your plate, and
are obliged to take it up in your fingers,
d5n't neglect to mention that fingers were
made before knives and forks" The nov
city Of the remark will strike the company
very happily.
A skillful Nimrod of Wheatland, Mo-, saw
a rabbit run into hollow log. and took it
into his head to crawl after it. When he
had got inside, the log began to roll down
hill On arriving at the bottom he was con-
siderably bruised, and didn't catch the rabbit
after ALL
"Why, Bridget" said her mistress, who
wished to rally the girl. for the amusement
Of the company, upon the fantastic ornament
of large pie, "did you do this you're quite
an artist how did you do it 2" "Indade,
mum, it was myself that did it," replied
Bridget. "Isn't it pritty, mum? did it
with your false teeth, num-"
Said Baptist to a Methodist, Il don't
like your church government. 1t isn't SIM
pie enough There's too much machinery
about it." "It is true," replied the Metho-
dist, "we have more machinery than you;
but then, you see it doesn't take near so
mnch water to run il"
When Maine man has a too talkative
wife he tells her he is going to Ansananquat-
asgowmonogotonago hunting, and in his abb
sence as his friends call at the house and in
quire his whereabouts. When he returns
the faithful wife is exhausted, doesn't want
to speak for month.
x London detective put his head into an
omnibus one day, just as it was starting off,
with the remark, passengers will do well to'
look out for their pocket books. There are
two memIars of the swell mob in this bus"
Thercupon grave-looking old man with eye
glasses and gold-headed cane hastily got
out. saying, If that's the case [ won't 60 in
this bus" He was followed by clerical
looking gentleman with white choker. who
remarked that he wouldn't ride in such
company" And then the detective closed
the door and shouted to driver, sail right
drive on they've got out"
"The voice Of woman gentlemen" said
romantic individual, in a late argument in
beer saloon-'the voice of woman no mat
ter how much some of you may sneer at the
sentiment. exercises soothing. an inspiring,
following influence upon the ear of man;
comforts him in afflction and" "TOm
YOU rascalw exclaimed his wife, at this mo-
ment showing herself at the door, "come,
YOU lettering scamp, leave these worthless
fellows to themselves Oh. when get you
home, won't you catch it? that you will.
The following walls nave Deen thrown
ashore by the centennarian tide: Mrs To-
zcr, residing in the town of Athens, Me-, is
107 years DID, knits stockings without spec
taclcs. John Boyd colorcd Louisville, Ky;
1l2; chcws and smokes; third set of teeth
coming; two cords of wood before dinner
Sarah Flanders, 1O5, Macon, Ca; hale and
hearty; engaged to be married to Luke CO.
zens, 1O1, of the same place; temperance and
anttobacco. James Tyler, Chicago, lO5,
lately whipped his son George Tyler, aged
so, for mpudence; fined S.. Mary Wal
tiers, Elmira. n Y; takes in washing; no
spectacles; Bible twice day; smokes pipe;
strictly temperance
One of the best dressed and most brilliant
young men in Chicago, who parts his hair
in the middle, essayedt to delight select par
ty of ladies and gentlemen one evening by
fcw.hashcs of wit. The most notable scintil-
lation of his wit was conundrum: "lIaw-"
l. Id, 1o,l,.2t