The true northerner., 1873-01-10
Pith and Point.
Mrs. II.

HoBSoN's choice-Mrs ii.
A Legal. conveyance-A convict ship.
TIE greatest army contractor-Peace.
A WESTERN sErrLEE-The sun at even
ing.
HIGH woRDs-Those spoken in bal
loon.
CASE of kidnappins-A young goat
asleep.
How TO put horse on his mettle-
Shoe him.
Morro for grocers-Honest tea is the
best policy.
The worst thing under the canopy
A mosquito
DEAD bats from the caves are used as
a fertilizer in Kentucky.
WHEN they make an oyster bed do
they use n seaweed mattress?
WHEN is an army like tuck in lady's
skirt? When it is hemmed III.
WHY is n note-of-hand like a rosebud?
Because it is matured by falling dew.
WHY, if you are called loudly, must
you wear Il wig? Because you are bawled
after.
WHICH is the most warlike nation?
Vaccination. Why? Because it is al
ways III arms.
WHY is coal the most contradictory
article known TO commerce? Because
when purchased, instead of going to the
buyer it goes TO the cellar.
WITNESSES are sometimes put to des-
perate straits to bolster up their charac-
ters. One in Iowa the other day averred
that his reputation for truth and
morality" was better than one-haf the
lawyers in Dubuque county.
How MANY men we daily pass
Who reason like braying ass
They grow h. men, from braggart boys,
And think that brains must make no:se;
They gain high seats in synagogues;
No mystery their vision fogs;
Wheneer they lack for argument,
They give their store of gas a vent.
And wise men whisper as they pass,
"There goes self-conceited ass.
AT school in Greene county, Iowa,
the scholars caught skunk and put it
in the schoolma ans desk, thinking she
would "smell mice" and give them
holiday. She wasn't one of that kind.
She took a spring clothes-pin, fastened
it on her nose, went on with the eXer-
cises, and let the scholars enjoy the per-
fume.
A TOPPER got so much on his stomach
the other day that said organ repelled
the load. As he leaned against lamp
post vomiting, little dog happened to
stop by him, whereupon he indulged in
this soliloquy: "Well, now, here's
conundrum. / know where l ate the
baked beans, / remember where I ate
that lobster, / recollect where / got that
rum, but I'm hanged if L can recall
where l ate that little yaller dog"
A WELSH clergyman who preached
from the text, "Love one another" gave
national turn TO the subject by illus
trating it with an anecdote of the goats
who met on the middle of one plank
bridge that crossed the little stream III
their parish. but did they fight and
try TO push each other il the water Oh,
no! but the one laid himself down while
the other stepped over him. Here was.
friendship! Here was love! O my
brethren, let us all live ike goatsl'
IT turns ont that the burning of the
steamer Missouri, and the loss of life of
those on board, were occasioned by the
breaking Of a demijohn of spirits in a
locker of the stewards pantry, and its
contents leaking through the deck and
communicating with the furnace. As
usual in ships that have demiiohns lying
round loose in the pantry, when the fire
took place there was no discipline, and
no measures could be successfully taken
TO extinguish the fire or save lives.
THE New York Hcraid tells the fol-
lowing good story of Mile Liebhardt,
the soprano of the Rubinstein concert
troupe: Her twenty-eight trunks,
some of them unstrapped and broken,
were carried TO Steinway Hall imme-
diately after her arrival in this city,
where Mr. Grau hired room in which
To put them. While he was looking
after their removal Liebhardt herself
appeared, and must have thought Grau
was examining the contents, for she
struck wild ballad attitude and ex-
claimed, 'Gott in Himmel, was is das q?
You breck inside my Kleidergestell 7
'Oh, says Grau, Il was looking to see
which one You had brought your voice
in!"