Litchfield enquirer., 1873-03-13

Mir. Ferrar's famous religious establish ment at Little Gidding in Huntingdon
 shire. He cannot quarrel; he says only what he is inspired literally to say; and
 the congregation can have whatever ap- proved discourse they like, instead of talk
 ing their chances of getting one they do
 not. There are at least thirty thousand
 ministers of the gospel in the United
 States: at four hundred dollars year,
 they are paid twelve million dollars.
 What would this annual sum not accom- .plish,- do not say in secular enterprise
 es, but for benevolent undertakings tho
 missionary work, home charities, educa-
 tion, reformatory institutions ?'
 ''Do you find that your customers pay
 higher average for such purposes than
 other people ?" I asked.
 ''I have not the least doubt that it will
 prove to be so whenever you will get to-
 gether the statistics" answered Budlong with greab assurance.
 !'I can't help it; I coulde't bear to lose
 my dear old pastor"-
 'Look here!" broke in Budlong with
 some heat. "Hold on I haven't time
 for details to-day. I'll talk it out with
 you next time. But bear this one thing
 ln mind,-the Sernlo1s0te is not the PaS-
 torGte; and Budlong and Faber haven't
 they ?" declare had never thought of it be-
 fore,-I was brought up under the stated preaching of the gospel as practised in New England, but it isn't: they hadn't.
 I perceived how wide an inquiry this dis
 tinction opened up; and so, dropping the l ethical aspects of the business, I took my friends hint and came back to facts. 1 "No, you haven't. And the only thing
 that need detain you for any longer is
 to get a few more points about the extent
 and prospects of the business, such as will
 look we'll in my article"
 Certainly. Well,- of course I can't go into details of dividends; but nobody
 wants to sell any of our stock: defy yoIf
 to find one single share in the market.
 That's proof of prosperity, think. It is
 thought so in the case of the Chemical
 Bank, at any rate.
 'In the first place, as to prospects: Be- sides ministers for the home market, we
 sent an agent over to the other side last 1 summer, who writes us that he is coming 1 homo with large contract and full speci- | fications from the Humble Niaephorus, as he calls himself, the patriarch of Moscow. | for two hundred an fifty Greek papas: and
 Q small one, to be followed by others if
 we give satisfaction, from the Sheik-ul-
 Islam at Constantinople, for four dozen
 bowling dervishes. The Greek priests l will be great improvement in the coun- try parishes, for they can't get drunk; and I've already gotten up working model dervish, with pith upper works and lead heels, that will whirl three hundred times a minute for four hours consecutively, and howl like north easter the whole time. The agent just called in at Rome; but tho Roman service is so complicated, there's
 so much travel in it, and they care so lit- l tie, in comparison, about sermons, any how, that we can't do any thing with 1 them.
 ''So much for the ministerial depart l ment. You have the necessary facts about | the lecturers. The other items that will be found most interesting are, think, q | few of the details that we have thoughtof for improving our mechanisms, and few
 ideas about the further application of our principle.
 'tNow, for instance, our big brazen head of course, you understand that we only made large one in imitation of Friar Ba- cons suggested to me, the other day, that we could supply an economical arti- cle of army chaplainA We are in corres- pondence with Gen. Sherman about it now. He's a man of genius; and shouldn't wonder if he would allow an experiment at our expense have calculated that 0 chaplain not more than eleven feet seven and one-half inches high could be built and voiced so as to paeach to two hun dred and fifty thousand men at once. I should call these the Boanerges style, or Son of Thunder.
 ''B& fancy far more successful thing " hn o6 of oto,, 1k, that is, if we can ever get them into use. But, if once the community is we'll accus- toned. to our ministers and lecturers, they can hardly help seeing the enormous ecOn- omy to be made by the use of our politi- cians. Consider the saving in money, i'll single year, by substituting for the pres ent style of state. and national politicians an equal number ofindividuaIs who cannot drink whiskey, who cannot charge price for influence nor for making speeches. who are legally incapable of becoming president, who cannot hold any credit mo- bilier stock, in short, who are, by the very law of their being, unable. to do any thing except their duty. Take one single item of this saving; every session of Congress costs the co untry something like two mil lion dollars, I believe it is. Now, if the speeches were deducted, about seven. 6O,ttS l can calculate: and few able business men could do the real work of the session in the other two-ninths. Now, there arc three hundred and seventeen members of Congress, all told. Suppose each makes only speeches per session,-a 1udicrOusly low estimate, and you have three thou sand one hundred and seventy in all, which cannot at present in any event be made at faster rate than two at a time, -one i'll the Senate, and one in the House. What propose is to fit up proper room in the Capitol, like our proving room, we'll deafened throughout, and to have proper number of the patent member of CoRgrass a-going there day and night, un- til all the speeches of the session are de- hvered. Suppose there are twenty-five of them, which will contract to furnish at a most liberal discount from our retail prices, and we will allow three hours per speech; that is, eight speeches each, per day of twenty-four hours: then you have in all two hundred speeches per day, or the whole sessions supply of three thou sand one hundred and seventy worked off in less than sixteen business-days, and not a living soul obliged to hear them, ei- ther, except my two workmen who take it watch and watch, to oil the honorable gentlemen, and wind them up, and stick their speeches into them.
 'For the campaign speakers, I should add an extra strong pump-handle action in the right arm, and smile movement in the face.
 couldn't help suggestion of my own here: GA smile movement You said they wouldn't drink"
 s'No slang, please" said Pudlong, rath- CT miffed for the moment.
 Beg pardon. But here's another idea really. Why couldn't you let them drink? It's very popular in some sections. Ton could have tin stomach on purpose with 8 faucet; and they could drink the same whiskey over, year in and year out.
 s'No," said Budlong firmly. "No inn moral practice shall be countenanced by this concern, nor any thing introduced that could offend the most fastidious.