, 1873-05-04
4 Pleasant Substitute for Lauda-
aum, Arsenic, the Razor, and
the Revolver.
Ge|semin, the Recently-Discovered Pro-
ducer Of Eternal Sleep.
Some Suggestions for Persons About to
Cross the Styx.

though aB QIQ 8S tle Q14lHs Ho UlASteE WHO l6 Int
activo party, young or old, man or girl. /
woman who browns herself because she has los
her lover, or man who hangs himself becaus
he is mad with matrimony, it is thing eagerl
sought after, and carefully written up. Sucl
events stand on the same footing with adultery
IN that both are entitled to fve-line heads, AM
outrank murder, which is given but three. Thi
prominence is conceded to suicide, not bocaust
reporters hare any special fancy for writing vi
the cutting Of throats or the blowing out o.
brains, but since the public have great banker
ing after this Kind Of reading, and feel much ag
grieved il all the particulars are no
give. II is not enough for them to learr
in brief line that 4 B took poison
They wish to know who discovered him, how he
looked, and, above all elae, why he did it. It il
the same form Of curiosity which makes men so
frantic to learn why q woman OF the town took te
evil courses. It does not suffice to know what
she is, but she must be- pestered with inqni1iea
as to just 1ow she came so, tile time, the words,
the man. Owing to this Unsuitable desire for par
ticulars, it has become necessary for newspapers
to invent them. Thus, occasionally, there ap-
pears the story Of the blonde young man, poor
but accomplished, who falls in love with the
brunette young lady, rich and ;ovab1e. a cruel
father inter7enes. They part, with tears and
voTs Of constancy, she to wait and be faithful,
he to wait and make money. The party OF the
first part yields to parental persuasion, md weds
an old, old man, as old us Mathuselah, and as
juiceless as the city editor Of the Journal. The
party OF the second part. on hearing OF this,
through the Times or some other enterprising
paper, quits making money and browns himself.
This is the kind OF stuff that the public is fed
upon, and many man Who has Killed himself
for the simplest reason in the world would be
: very much taken aback il he could read the
pathetic accounts given in the papers, All cor
respondence, even, is to be distrusted, unless
backed by the certificate Of the Coroner.
Not only Is there great demand on the part
Of the public for this suicidal reading, but there
are great many indiyidnals Wto are meditat-
: ing suicide who look to it for relief from in
to1erable real or fancied ills, and who would
seek refuge in oblivion at once II it were
not for certain detar1ing causes. One Of
these, which is losing its once strong
hold, is tho belief that it is morally wrong,
and that sef-murder means eternal dau1nation.
The recent discussions concerning EuthnnaBia
chow the change Of sentiment on this subject,
and, before long, it may be fashionable for
mnn who intends =" to make his bow to the
world" as the Chinese have it, to either send
around ?. P. G. cards to his acquaintances, or
have feu friends with him when he swallows
what the Journal call the" asphy1iating lotion"
auda shorthand reporters to take down his
moral and improving remarks as Xenophon did
for Socrates. The old notions are being sup
planted by the application to suicide Of that
legal maxim, TINT no one shall so use his prop
erty as to harm others, but that, subject to that
limitation, he can do with it what he pleaaes.
It is obviously wrong foE peraon Who has @ mar a.
world, and leave them burden upon society.
He has contracted obligations which he is bound
to carry out, and, it ho tries to evade them,
society may properly serve On him @ wit OF
1sne exeat regno," and may keep him within it's
Jurisdiction By stomach-pump, OF any other
agency it pleases to use. But il d man, with no
incumbrances, leaving behind him the money to
pay for his burial, chooses to cease becoming 3
consumer, and decides to return his phosphates
to tho earth whence they came, why, then, it is
: another matter. II person makes up his mind
that there is no place for him at Natures board,
TINT he was born too coon or too late, that he is
an anachronism, an error, and that the best
thing for him to do is to get out of the way ss
soon as possible, why, then, let him slide, and
not poke around, being il everybody road. Just
plant him at the foot Of grapevine.
ANOTHER deterring cause is the fear Of forfeit
ing Ife-insurance policy but tho courts and
that no sane man would kill himself, thereby
Co1oner'fs juries had previously taken.
Ignorance. OF the law has alone7 made
this 4 bugbear for many years. It is g singular
feeling which induces man to hang on to life,
not that his heirs may have some money, but
that an insurance company may not make some
thing by his departure. This reminds one Of the
dog in the manser.
The third thing which " gives US pause is q
with some men, is as intense as it was represent
ed to be in Louis Grayle. There are those who
endure the agonieB Of neutalgia rather than sub-
NIT to tho pam attending the pulling Of q tooth.
There are those who ehudder at the thought OF
drawing razor hcross their throats, and properly
80, for the razor is the eweapon OF the African, and
no Caucasian should demean himself By usingit
Some dread the sharp pains which attend arsenic,
the choking from charcoal, and tho sensations
which come when the lungs are filing with
water instead OF mir. It is difficult to buy some
OF the more actiye poisons without exciting sus-
picion. Few know how much to take, and arc
very apt, when dealing with laudanun, to take
too much. Men hate to make inquiries On these
there is tho tor1nenting thought that they may
be detected, pumped out, and made ridiculous.
To Try and fail, and then be written up, pointed
at on the street. and laughed at by the courteous
gentlemen On Change, who never allow such a |
against marring their bodies, and wish fhat their
corpses may look decent when the jurors and !
Coroner come to look at them. This is another
Of + The curious Weaknesses Of poor humanity.
1t Is sometimes the case that q man is actually |
too poor to kill himself decontly. It is true that
he can drown himself, but then not all care !
about starting long journey in damp clothes.
Then too, it may be dead winter-a winter of |
1o12-S, ana the poor man may not be able to get
= hascnet WhereW1th to cut q hole in the ice.
People in such straits have boon known to |
borrow pistols. to steal knives, to tear sheets
into strips and make halters, and to resort to |
similar devices, which are morally indefensible |
because they had not few conts with which to
pay for their ferriage across tho sty7. Whist is
Fanted is a cheap relief, aa cheap aa moor
whisky, and more speedy in it's effects, Suicide
ahou1d cease to be the luxury Of the rich, and