The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-08-13
Troubles on Fast Day.

Last Wednesday was fast day in
Morristown, and it was an eventful
one to, at least, one citizen of the
town, who, after partaking of a
meagre breakfast, commenced ma
king arrangements to attend church.
The barber shops were all closed,
and the aforesaid citizen concluded
that he would have to "shave him
self" After ransacking through q
dozen drawers and boxes his old ra-
zor and brush were found, and he
proceeded to the kitchen, shaving
cup in hand, in search of warm water.
On raising the dipper, full to the
brim, a deluge of scalding water
from out Of the end of the handle
ran down his shirt sleeve, and the
rest was turned on to his stockinged
feet. This caused him to forget the
solemnity Of the day, and he adj
dressed the dipper in words not very
pious, which words were accompan-
led by gymnastic performances and
contertiOns that would have done
credit to a circus actor. The house
cat lying underneath the stove, buried
in peaceful slumber, awakes at the
baptism, and suddenly remembering
an engagement, disappeared with a
yell that would have immortalized a
Modoc. About this time, the wife
of the citizen appeared at the door
in her corset and hoop-skirt, curling
iron in hand, and asks him if he has
gone crazy also, if he cares what
the folks in the next house will think.
Being too much occupied with his
own opinions to care for those of
others, he did not deign a reply to
his wife, but rubbed his hands and
feet alternately. The wife discover
ed the dipper and shaving cup on the
floor, and having on the day previous
undergone similar experience with
the dipper and hot water, through a
natural intuition, took in all at a
glance. The proper remedy being
applied. the smarting ceased, and the
citizen proceeded to pick up the
pieces of soap and porcelain. The
former he put into tea-cup, and the
latter he threw into the back yard,
for the children to cut their feet on.
The accident made him nervous, and
he cut himself in several places
while shaving, to each of which cuts
he affixed the requisite number of
pure English words. Having shaved,
the citizen is ready for bis clean shirt
He threw it over his head, and struck
out for the respective armholes, and
attempted to pull it down over his
head, but for that reason always en-
CURED for but never imagined, it will
not come down. He endeavored to
thrust his hands through the cuffs,
but they were firmly stuck by that
new kind Of starch that he carried
home last week, and with a sudden
jerk, the collar button rolled off on
the floor, and, his face covered with
patches Of white paper to stop the
blood, shoots through. Meanwhile,
his conversation had been going on
sometimes directed to the shirt,
sometimes to the dipper, and occa-
sionally to his wife, who had prom
ised to come and help him ten times
in five minutes. Another shirt was
procured, and his hopes revived. In
consequence of house cleaning the
previous day, the citizens wife had
neglected to attend to the mending,
and he was unable to find a pair of
stockings but what were in need of
darning. This caused him to say q
much less mild word than darning :;
and he also swore that it would he
the last time he would attempt to go
to church. His wife thought of all
men in the world, he ought to go to
church, and told him SO, besides re-
questing him to hurry, as every one
was going-and she sat down by the
window to watch them pass. After
a long search for his Sunday neck
tie, which was finally found and adj
iusted, he proceeded to church in a
most excellent state of mind to en-
joy and appreciate a good sermon.
Who will not say, after such an eX-
perience, that fast days have their
troubles?
Death of an Editor.
Col. George Edgar Grisham, edi-