The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-08-27

JUSI ~, 1913.
TIE BOSTON YOUNG LADY;
She Comes, Sees and Conquers Eli Per-
kins.
The Boston young lady has ar
rived at Saratoga. Imean the real
literary young lady-the Seige-ot-
Troy girl. She grew up in Boston,
and graduated at Vassar College
last year. She wears eyeglasses,
and is full of wisdom. She scans
Homer, rattles the verb "lipo" like
the multiplication, sings Anacreon
to the old Greek melodies, and puts
up her hair after the statue of the
Venus of Milo. There is no end to
her knowledge of the. classical, die
tionary, and when it comes to
Charles Lamb or Sydney Smith
Sotherns Of Iiterature-those who
never wrote much. but got the
credit of every good joke in Eng
|land-she can say their jokes as a
Catholic says his beads. If you
ask her how she likes babies, she
answers:
Chow? Well, as Charles Lamb
remarked, 4 like 'em b-b-boil-
ed.'"
Ask her anything, and she will
always lug in quotation from some
pedantic old fool like DR.. johnson,
or Swift or Jack Bunsby, just to
show you that she is up in litera-
.ture, and that you are-green. Not
single original idea, but one con-
slant "Socrates said," or "as Pluto
remarked" or ''as Diogenes OBJ
served" Yesterday, some sharp,
shrewd, original New York young
ladies got hold of the pedantic bust
ness, aud introduced funny para
phrase on Miss Boston's language.
"Do you love music, Sallie 2"
"Well, yes as the poet OBJ
served"
GLOW many glasses did you drink
this morning?'
"Six,' as Mr.. Daball pathetical-
Iy remarked in his arithmetic.
"Dance the round dances?"
".No,' as the Lord Mayor of Lon
don quietly observed as John Rus
kin asked him for the loan of ST."
The Boston girl is 80 well posted
that she wins triun1phs over you by
sort of literary "bluf" game.
She attributes sharp quotations to
distinguished men, and, conscious
that you dare not question their
authenticity, of course she "bluffs'
you right down. When you 60 to
your room, and read up, and find
she has really "blutfed' you, Of
course you are too gentle to men
ton it, and so this Boston girl goes
on pluming herself at the expense
of New York gallaptry.
Yesterday the Boston girl was at
it again. Somebody asked her:who
was tbs Oldest, Methusela or Deu-
teronomy?'
"Why, Barnes, the commentators,
says deuteronomy came before
Numbers course he's too old
TO be computed"
Now, I knew she lied, but still I
had my doubts about it. I didu't
want to break out and say Deuter-
onomy- came after Numbers, and
then have those miserable Boston
fellows say with that terrible up
ward infection, How are you, Eli
Perkins? Oh, no. But when I
did 90 up to my room l sent out to
a gentleman in Saratoga who has
several Bibles to lend, and got the
Pentateuch-and, sure enough, just
my luck, that miserable, pedantic,
spectacled Boston girl was right.
If you sit down by this Boston
girl and don't behave like minis
ter, she don't get mad and pout.
Oh, no. She says, Mr.. Tompkins,
shall I repeat you few lines from
Scribner's? and then she goes on
Why can't you be sensible, Harry!
I don't like mems arms Oh my chair.
Be still if you don't stop this nonsense,
I'll get up and leave you-so there!
And when you take out a soil
taire ring, or try to ''seal the vow, .
or something Of that sort, as New
Nork fellows always try to do with
almost every Boston girl who comes
here, she looks up blushiug, and in
the language Of Swinburne poeti-
cally remarks:
There! somebody's coming-don't look
Get up on your own chair again
Can't you seem as if nothing had hap
pened?
I never saw such geese Us you men!
GThe GTdDhic. .