Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-11-27
Pennlng a Fig.

Pennlng a Pig.
Two FAMILIES in SlawsOn lave had an
experience somewhat similar to that suf-
fered by Mr.. Cobleigh several weeks ago.
These families live in a double house, and
each had a pen with two pigs. Last Fri
day the woman in one part discovered
that her two pigs were free from their pen,
and looking after geological specimens at
the foot of the yard. She also discovered
at the same time that the gate to a cab
bage-yard adjoining was open, and that
the pigs might at any moment become
ravished by a view of the glories within.
Her husband being away, she hurriedly
secured the gate, and then set about to re-
turn the truants by the following ingeni-
Gus plan: Taking a shOvelful of corn, she
approached as close to the animals as DOS
slble, and, holding the tempting morsel
near enough for them to learn its inviting
character, she screwed her face into an
expression of winning sweetness, and
backed slowly toward the pen. 1t was a
beautiful illustration of woman's faith,
and We regret to write that it did not
work. The pigs took one snuff at the
contents of the shovel, just to show that
they took some interest in the matter, and,
being convinced thereby that there was
nothing injurious in the experiment, fell
to roofing about again with renewed fer
vor. The nearer the woman came to the
pen the straighter her face grew, and
presently lost every vestige of solicitude,
and assumed instead an expression of me-
dunn ferocity. What she might have
done will never be known, as at
this %juncture her husband made his
appearance on the back stoop, and,
hpr " racfirr 1ron h{~ ,hn
commenced to apostrophise him in
the language married people alone are
adopts at. After requesting somebody to
show him the idiot who had let those
hogs out, that he might punch his head,
he drove straight at the %truants, and
missed them, of course. Then he drove
at them again with a clothes pole, and
missed them again, although he made
another pole by hitting that on a stone.
Anyone who has helped to drive one or
two pigs will readily understand the
number Of articles that passed through
the air, and the style of CONVEX
sation the man kept up during
the chase. Finally, he got one Of
the animals in a corner, and being by
this time utterly regardless of personal
appearances or consequences, threw him
self upon the brute, neatly scraping the
fence with the top of his head, and fall
ing upon thep pig in such a way as to hold
in allegiance every one of his muscles ex-
cept those in the throat. These were at
once put in active operation, and the man
for a moment thought he had captured a
~planing-miIl. Then he raised slowly,
keeping a tight hold of the animal, and
getting on his feet, and the pig in his
arms, struck out for the pen, preceded
by his wife and the other woman, and
closely and %anxiously observed by all the
neighbOrs for & half mile around. In this
way the procession laboriously moved;
the pig, having worked its head to within
two inches of the mans ear, was pouring
therein a tale of unparalleled distress,
which, if not calculated to melt the
stoutest heart, actually threatened 20
split open the stoutest head. The
man was utterly pOwerlcss to
remedy the horror, having both
hands engaged, and could only twist his
ear a little out of range, and scream at the
top Of his voice his plans for the future
of them hogs" On reaching the per
and while in the act of dumping the
bowling viper over the side, the woman
next door made an unfortunate discovery.
Their hogs were in the pen; the truants
were hers. The man, who was still hold
my ilt p1g, dllu might nave, Will IcdSoI,
taken a prominent part in the debate, con
tented himself by merely using some
strong ordinations, and then trudged
around to the other pen, where he arrived
after much unlooked-for tribulation, and
again hoisted the bowling monster up to
the top, when the woman next door made
another and still more remarkable discov-
cry. Her pigs were in the Pen. whats
that" screamed the man, who was so
fixed he could not very we'll see into the
pen, and was obliged to lift his voice to
make himself heard above the din. Them
amt my pigs" screamed the woman.
"Why amt they?" he yelled. "'Cause
my pigs are here" she shrieked back. 1t
is needless to say that the strange animals
were urged out of that garden without the
use OF MISUNDERSTANDING Aeaos.
THERE has always been a spirited COM
petition for the proud eminencc OF the
Meanest Man in the World, and no deci-
sion has ever been reached. When Il
aspirant has made a noble effort that
seemed to command the palm of victory,
another would enter the lists, and wither
his laurels by a transcending achieve
ment. But the p~retensions of a man re-
siding at Newburyport, Mass, will be re-
~cognized. A short time ago this mans
father, an estimable old gentleman of 80
years, went to visit him. The old gentle
man took with him a small dog, which
had been his pet and companion in his
declining years. The son objected to this
dog because it cost him nearly a cent a
day to feed him during his fathers visit.
Thereupon the noble and affectionate son
went to the authorities and made COM
plant against his father for that he had
an unlicensed dog. The old man was arrest
ed and fined $50; and having no money,
he was taken to Jail, where he remained
at the last accounts, while the son goes
proudly on the even tenor of his way.