, 1873-05-18
MY M1sADvENTuREs ABROAD.
BY BEN ADAM, ESQ


| -:
! .. e BY BEN ADAM, ESQ.
t. =: CHAPTER T.:
Whenever in the course OF human events) a
American goes abroad, decent respect for tn
opinions Of his countrymeu requires him to wit
book Of travela. Not Tenturing to diaregar,
this 1audable custom, yet willing to be as cas-,
with the public as possible, propose to publia1
! my narrative, In the first instance, by moderate
installments; and only to increase the dose AZ
the patient appears able to stand it. instruction
will be judicious1y blended with amusement moi
in equal parts. buthomeopathically, and in higl
state Of dilution, 30 that, il the knowledge i'm.
parted shall not benefit my readers, it cannot, in
any event, do them the least possible har1n,
| Should these sketches meet with tho approval
| thoy deserve, they will subsequently, appear in q
| more permanent form, with illustrations by one
OF tho old masters. -
*-><:se::.: ~rer year ago, I found myself in
t+r <.ccd,tion Of the Turkish "aick man with
= -s.a1:Glty IN the chest. Each OF my friends
! sL,,sss.ed different remedy; and, not wishing
to seem ungratefu1, tried them all by turns
At one time wtest1ed with dozen bottles ot
Dr.. Airs un1ivalled Elixir Of Life. 1t another,
my energies we're taaked to put myself outaide Of
barrel OF tar-beer; delectable compound re-
sembling bilge-water or the refusc Of a tannery.
Each struggle .eft me in worse condition for
the next encounter; or, at best, my exrsrience
waa like the Scotchmans who ute fourteen 1arks
to whet his appetite, without finding himself any
hungrier than before. ::
One day T was painfully reminded Of my In
creasing infir1nitics. My Ron Jack q call him
Jack for short, because hia name. is Obadiah, J
YVES, at that time, IA years old. Jack Was always
q troublesome boy. The activity Of his In
tel1ect gave early promise OF future ami
nence; but its first manifestations we're
not agreeable. For examples: after listen
ing to fantasia BY Ole Bull, played upon q
single string, his soul was 80 fired by emulation,
that he straightway tied two cats together BY tho
tails aud strung them up On clothes-line. When
the concert WIS ended, it ia almost needless to
remark tl,at the performers we're e3hz5st;t5 as
the inst1ument. [a;---7~e' S
.:~ao friead having presented him with the Book
Of Martyrs, be read it with such profit that he
forthwith founded private inqaisition for the
benefit OF all the heretical animals in the neigh
borhood. After trying in vain to extract poor
Carlos teeth With pair Of tongs, he basted the
feet Of the Hretched animal, and put him into
the stocks, proparntor, 70 roasting him before
slow fire. Luckily this continuance was discoy-
cred in tins, aud Jack got "baating" him
self. To tell the truth, was never re-
miss in chastiaing him for his various
delinquencies and these became so NUMEROUS
that I-boing fond Of system and regularity
fell into the habit Of dogging him every morning
before breakfast partly because he WAS sure to
dnaarva II hafnra 1,ith+fon ap1r, 1rN
afforded q stimulating exercise to both parties.
By continuing the process during Jacks mi
nor;ty, hoped to rival the Greek who learned
to carry an OK by carrying it dali during its
calfhood- But this was not to be. One fatal
morning I welded the rod with unaccustomed
1anguor, aud was presently obliged to stop for
breath. Had Jack been like the good boy in the
primer, he would have burst into tears at this
evidence OF his fathers weakness. But, in fact,
he did nothing OF the kind. On the contrary,
be suddenly doubled me- up By butting his hend
into my stomach, and then made his escape
through the window.
On the day Of this unhappy incident, while
walking down street, rejecting upon the muta-
bility Of earthly affairs, I met Simpkin8. Simp7
klns is one OF those intolerably healthy fellows
who are always boasting OF their digestion ant.
A4oaSaAaA AofG4opAAeus, a4An AII HAu40 L06B6
qualities stand in the place Of all the cardinal
virtues. II such people would be content to en-
joy their good luck without constantly nagging
their 1ess fortunate brethren, one might rejoice
With them As it is, never see the beefy coun-
tenance Of my friend Simpkins without hoping
that an apop1exy may suddenly stnite him.
Is Ha11o old fellow /" ho cried, with voice ut-}
= trumpet, ''how i'll you look! You $50 90
failing fast. 1t this rate you'll In Do ns'en-
ing to tho celestial ct~~. Oouol'ess 1nose
who go early ~ SECURE tae DeS' sea1e: eAo
+ --H Pees'9n H@.le' , nsn ano
lonsenae: quo'1 elalph1ns. LOU cont
'ans TO Do al aneel noDous ooes' o1o IL tne
'ano "o11u ."o ~ '11o ou7n' you A11o": l"
sen enough 10 enlA @pous ~, mAnslons ID tee
'h'ss' ou1 tnes 70 1ou ni'sn uAe eas'.es IL .ne
NJ " ms ee .,'- ana Nv eo u1sen
eSouns 'uutp ~ ~ MY - Ieu appsuu s! JUS u"n
mat' i. t'uese: o.oJ u9.ss,',a uS" eaoa onnphus .lm
',Iu 90 oe". t.r s 49, ~ na "a sa'1 ~
'aIs .~s+ 'tt1; s]a 1.anraa,- art +hn
~ lu yol-a t, MI ~ ~ 1As rlsl p n,s 49, tauu %
10 - 1oe.;,uad a ,r;t,, aaadao aaians.osa %,