Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-04-30
JOB PRINTING.


L - e0SObt0
tits thought that Victor Hume
forthcoming poem, ''Satsn," will bs .
dcvilish good thing. se'.''
| "IIouesty is tho best policy" must
have been said by some oLe ho had
tried the alternative. .t
The Postmaster General estimates
that $130, ,000, 600 postal cards will be
wanted tho first year.
An old conductor says he 10 no,
Judge of female beauty, but he can al
ways tell when ladies sro passing
fare"
A farmer thinks. the worda, "Iio,
every one that thirsteth," should
read, ,''Thirst, every one that hoeth."
Western papers mourn at tho abe-
lition Of the frapking privilege, it 90
reduces their revenue from the paper
mill. .e>
Never use profane language on the
cars. Go out OH the platform. Pro.
family 10 never thrown away on .
brakesman.
The .spub. Doc,." pEiuted by the
Government in 1871, cos +. the tax pro-
duccrs Of this country the enormous
sum OF s., ,5S6, ,o52 10.
A coteinporary speaks of q fashion
able tailor as being zone OF The old
war-horsos OF the trade.' A heavy
charger, we suppose. ' =.
A Toledo man reckons that the In
crease in the price Of woolen rage hss.
added three per ccat, 70 the valuation
of his family. -... ','''.-
.Iwsuld say to all young men: mar
ry your second wife first, and keep
out Of debt bv all means, even II you
have to borrow the money TO do IL.
England is q curious country. No
one could be found to take Glad
stones place. Over hero, ten thou.
saud men would have felt themselves
competent. rse. 'a.t q 3"
x gen ..eman who had been arguine
with an isnoramus b,s patience was
exhausted, said lie didn't wish him
dead, but he would be glad to see hiin
know more.
A beautiful Indiana school girl,
thirteen years old and six feet one
iach high, is causinga general rup-
ture among ths susPenders OF tie
short boys who try TO kiss her.
Hawthorn paid q pretty compli-
mcnt wien he said Of Miss Bremen,
that she was "a most amiable little
woman, worthy TO be maiden aunt
Of the whole human race"
The New York Commercial Ad-
vertiscr states that Mrs Southwerth
has written forty-two novels! Aud
adds: Thousands of her readers
have died, but she is alive"
An advertisement in a Western pa
per says: "LOok out for Mrs Snyder
Of Cleveland, who has killed two
husbands aud is roaming around The
Icountry for q third"
a Areccnt npvel describes Q man a.
lone of the main sieepers of tho
church" This is thought preferable
to the "pillows of the church," es-
pecially in the railroad districts.
Mrs. Ais '.lntelligence Once
for Female Services" is y prominent
sign i'll Sixth Avenue, New York.
The question il. does the proprietor
mean female service or family SER
vice!
A not altogether gallant proprietor
OF an English provincial nelagerie,
posted up the following notice: LA
tionary in front ,of the cages. 1t
tires The monkeys.
A Little Book editor 10 pathetic
about the loss otexchauges, aud says
that anysody mSy steal his wardrobe
eat his luncheon, or take his empty.
pocketbook, ii only his exchanges Can
Ue spared.
Two hundred aud thirty assessors
aud twelve hundred assistant assess
ors will he relieved on the goth Of
May next. (Relieved TO know tLat
their services are nO longer needed
III ''runnin' the guvment."
'.'rwas ever thus: from ciiildboed's hour
I've seen my iondest hopes take flight,
never held 4 lar oird bower,
But some one touk ii With the right.
l.. 4. Train, nephew Of Georgo
Francis, is a professional three-csrd
monte dealer OF Council Bluff. So
says the inier-Ocean. But we woald
not SUPPOSE that nephew OF George
Fraucis would be smart enough for
such u business.
An eccentric cid fellow, who lives
alongside ofs graveyard, was asked
If il was not an unpleasant location.
No." said he, ~ never jined places
in q set OF .neighbors that minded
their business SO stiddy Us they d."
Cincinnati will seud q very unique
contribution to the Vienna Exhibi-
ton. 1t consists of three charcoal
drawings, each thirty feet in length
and five in hight. illustrating the
manner in which they kill hogs Oh
the banks Of the Ohio.
A wicked Frencimau SAYS: "Tls
\ amournful hour in life when Q man
CONES TO the conclusion that fame,
love, and happiness are not worth .
good cigar" lis q still more mourn
full hour when . man comes to the
conclusion that . cigar itsslfis work.
less.
Some people scorn to be taught:
others are ashamed of il, as they
would be of going to school when they
are old; but it as never 100 late to
learn what it is always necessary To
know; aud it Is no shame 10 learn -
long as We are ignurant-that 10 to
say, SO long rs We 1--we.
n very unpleasant fix was that o.
the gent Oh Saturday night, who
struggled maniully but bopelessly To.
enclose himself within pair vftight
boots while dog tight was going on
around the corner. he finally got
out there IN his Stacking feet, but the
Ii sht was over.-lDaubury News. =.
II raincd the other evening, and
there was IN entertainment. A young
gentleman said to young lady:
MAY l have the pleasure OF protect
ing you with uy umbrcllaG" And,'
SAID she, with.her round, expressive
ewes looking full into his. Put up
that rag" We like TO see people so
ciablc. q -E
John Van Dalim, OF Fort Wayne,
SAYS the Cleveland l.ea.,er, was play
ing with u pistol in has house, the
other day, when i. went OF aud made
an eyeist hole Ia hi, ,ip. Ii he was
named Jones he might; Se calleda Q
Jones fool; IL his maine was Smith he
might be called Smith fSsi; but us-'
happily his 10 another name,
The spinal Meai.gisis.
We regret TO learn that the dissass
known Us cerebro-Spinai Qenisgiits
has been, and il vet 20 some extent,
prevailing In epidemic form, u the
vicinity OF Carrsyiilc. In lhie county.