Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-09-25
Aumurous department.
A DANBURY MANS ADVENTURE.

rled home to get ready. His wife and vi
cious outside woman were cleaning house, anC
it was some little time before he could get hi
society suit ready. In the meantime he open
ed fire on the largest half of custard pie
holding it in his hand, and dancing arounc
and yelling for his things. When she brought
his overcoat, he set the pie in chair, to pu
on his coat, but in his nervousness stepped or
the end of long-handled white wash brush
which was balanced across a pail, and the
other end flew up and discharged abouta pin
of the awful mixture over the sofa, wallpaper
and his painting and indignant wife, She
made remark, and he contradicted it. Their
he sat down in the chair where the pie was
and got up with howl that would have
melted the stoutest heart. She wanted him
to wait while she scraped off the surplus, but
he was too mad to converse in words of more
than one syllable, and started for the depot
and boarded the train, and in the seclusion Of
the baggage car removed the offensive lunch
He got to Greenwich all right, and looked
at the fence. We hope he admired it. Then
he started for home but missed the train, and
as the next was an express and didn't stop al
Greenwich, he was obliged to walk to the
draw.bridge at Cos Cob or stay at Greenwich
all night. So he walked up there in the rain
but didn't mind it much, as he had an UNI
brella and the pie was pretty we'll dried in
When he got to Cos Cob he stood up on fence
to look at the scenery, and swear, when 8
sharp gust of wind took off his hat and car
ried it across bog lot. Then he stepped
down on the other side, too amazed to expires:
himself, and another gust of wind came along
and turned the umbrella inside out. A brie
conversation here ensued between himself anc
the umbrella, which he still held, and hi
started again for the hat. When he got to il
he kicked it around several times and ther
jammed it down on his head and started once
more through the bogs as the train drew uE
at the bridge 1t was a terrible struggle, a:
the bogs were uncertain, but he strained and
coughed, and spit and howled, and swore, anc
it did seem as if he would catch it after all
What he thought as he stood on that fence
and watched the train sail across the bridge
no human being can tell.
An hour later he appeared in Stamford, wei
through to the skin, splashed with mud, and
with an expression on his face that would
have scared a hydrant. Backing himself
against the depot he stood there until neal
midnight, and then went up on the owl train
to Norwalk, falling asleep in the meantime
and narrowly ascaping being carried by the
depot. Here he took the freig ght for Danbury
arriving at home just before daylight. His
wife was abed but not sleeping. She lay
there torn by forebodings and harrassed by
suspense. Perhaps he was dead and lying on
the cold ground in the rain. Then she thought
of his lfeless body, and groaued and thought
of the pie and groaned again. She knew his
knock the moment it sounded, and rushing
downstairs in the costume appropriate to that
hour, she threw herself into his hair and hys.
terically shouted, "Oh you old rascal, come
in here. ."-Danbury Neaus.
Has- A story is told about Yankee who late,
ly settled out in the West. He went to neigh.
Dor, and accosted him thus, "Wa'al I reckon
you amt got no old hen or nothing you would
lend me couple of weeks, have you neigh
bor?" 81 will lend you one with pleasure u
replied the gentleman, picking out the very
finest hen in the coop. The Yankee took the
hen home, and then went to another neighbor
and borrowed dozen eggs. He then set the
hen, and, and in due time she hatched dozen
of chickens. The Yankee was again puzzled
he could return the hen, but how was he to re.
turn the eggs? Another bright idea. He
would keep the hen till she laid dozen Of
eggs. This he did, and then returned the hen
and eggs to their respective owners, remark
ing as he did so, "Wa'al I reckon I've got as
fine dozen chickens as you ever laid eyes on,
and they didn't cost me cent nuther."
SuESCED.-W. c., conceited snob, was
so fond of fine clothes that he reveled in then,
by day and dreamed of them by night. One
evening he visited a lady, and removed his
overcoat, ETC., in the hall, preparatory to en-
tering the parlor, when the lady heard him
utter the following sensible words: Taking
off his overcoat and hanging it up, he said :
Hang there, you fifty dollar overcoat !''
Pulling off his gloves and putting them on the
table, Lay there, you five dollar gloves !'
Placing his hat on the rack, Hang there, you
ten dollar hat!'' Putting his cane in the
corner, "Stand there, you fifteen dollar cane!''
Then, entering the parlor, he was about to sit
down, when the lady pulled the chair from
under him, and as she left the room said,
"Lay there, you two-cent fool!" He has not
been around that house since.
WHAT THEY STOOD FoR.-The Titusville
Herald remarks A young lady whose "pa
struck ile' a few years ago, and who has since
been at boarding school, recently returned
and a party was given for her benefit. Upon
the bottom of her invitation cards she caused
to be inscribed, R. S. V. P, and one was sent
to an iliterate rich fellow, who had also made
his money by boring. He did not 60, but
sent card with the letters D. S. G. G. Meet.
ing him in the street, she asked him what the
letters meant. "Tell me first what yours
meant" "Oh mine are the French for Re-
spond, if you cannot accept" "Well, mine
are the English for d-n sorry can't come u
USAppREc1ArIvE.- -"Well, Father Brown
how did you like my sermon yesterday? ??
asked a young preacher. "You see, parson,
was the reply, Il haven't fair chance al
them sermons Of yourn. I'm an old man
now, and have to set putty we'll back by the
stove: and there's old Miss Smith, and wider
Taft, and Mrs. Rayland's darters, and Fabby
Blrt, and all the rest settln III front or me
with their mouths wide open, a swallern
down all the best of the sermon and wha
gifts down to me is putty poor stuff, parson
putty poor stuff"
Rag" The lady who tapped her husband gent
ly with fan at a party the other night, ant
said, "Love, it's growing late, think we hat
better 90 home," is the same one who, aftel
getting home, shook the rolling-pin under hi:
nose and said, "you internal old scoundre
you, if you ever look at that mean, nasty