South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

ed passing car with her little son the
other morning, to see him safely on the
horse car far a trip to Troy. He stepped
On board aud scrambled for the front Of
the car. AS he was going, his mother said
why, aren't you going to kiss your moth
er before you goy' The little fellow was
so delighted at the prospect of ride, and
in suOh d hurry that he hastily r5oined,
looking back excitedly: 'Mr. conductor,
vea't you kiss mother for me2' TX
~A MISSISSIPPI murderer said TO tho
sheriff from the gallows Good BY, Sam
III como back and tell you oil about it p
The sheriff hopes no won't
, s3rA DOCTOR called to see a patien,
whose native land was Ireland, and whose
native drink was whiskey. Water was
prescribed as the only cure. Pat said it
was out Of the question he never could
drink it. Then milk was procured, and
Pat agreed to get well on milk. The doc
Tor was soon summoned again. Near the
bed on which the sick man lay was table,
and on The table q large bowl, and in the
bowl was milk, but strongly favored with
whiskey.
what have you herog' said the doctor.
milk, doctor just what you orthered.'
But there's whiskey in it; I smell it,
well, DOCTOR sighed the patient, rhere
may be whiskey in it, but milk = my object
1a5-A NICE old mau, a vegetable gar
dener, called at a newspaper Office the 9th
or day, and inquired very apxiously if the
editor had seen nything in the papers re-
Gently about worm that was doing much
damage to celery. Il intended, said be,
TO have raised a good deal of celery this
year, but durn me, if 1 think it pay if tina,
burned celery grub that started at Wash
ipgton while since, about what I've heern
so much on, is coming this way A light
dswned upon the editors mind-the 'Sala-
~ Grab
a VENrRILoQUIsT' JoKE-We recent
Iy took walk, says writer in New Or
leans paper, on the wharf with friend
who is good ventrilCquist.
Two hands of one of our steamers were
engaged in rolling off cask, when, to the
CONSERVATION and surprise of the persons
engaged in performing that operation, a
voice was heard within the cask
Roll it easy these plaguey nails hurt.
I'd rather pay my passage than stand all
this
Holding up their hands, their visuals
expanding to the size of two saucers, the
laborors exclaimed:
That beats the dickens -
The mate coming up at this moment, and
unaware Of the cause of delay, commenced
cursing them for their dilatoriness, when
from within the cask the voice cane forth
you're nobody let me out of this cask'
What's that " said the mate.
Why, its me- said the voice Il want
to get out; won't stand it any longer
up end the cask said the mate
Oh, don't You'll kill me-, said the
voice. 'Oh, how these nails prick Look
out-don't again said the cased up indi.
viduai, as tho men were a turning it over.
Cooper said the mate, 'head the cask
and take that man out
As the adj suudered the hoops and the
head was coming out, the voice again broke
forth
BE easy now is there any ono about
doo't want to be caught
Quite a crowd had now gathered around
the scene Of action, whom a loud guttcral
laugh broke forth, which made our hair
stand on end as the cask was filed with
bacon.
'Wha, does it mean 2 says one.
1t beats my time, said the mate
We enjoyed the joke too we'll to blow
as We walked of arm in arm With the ven
triloquist and magician.
EV A CONNECTICUT shoolma am had a
spelling class Of boys which didn't recite
satisfactorily. None Of the scholars had
their lessons, but some were worse than o.
theirs. How to punish all at one fell stroke,
aud yet each according to bis degree of de-
sert, was tho problem which the school.
ma m thus iogeniously solved. She modc