River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-08-05
Facetia.

| a COMPANION game TO parior croquet
Cricket on the hearth.
WHY is a sword like beer Because
1T is Of no use till it is drawn.
WHEN is water most liable to escape?
When it is only half-tide.
DOCTOR, what will cure the fever of
love " The chill of wedlock, MISS"
| Ia is said that there never was an
honest red. breast; he is always robin.
| WHEN does a farmer work mira
Gle z When he turns his horse to grass
Why didn't dog want place in the
ark Z Because he had barque of his
own.
The best sewing machine attach
ment-The engagement to a pretty
/ seamstress.
A GENIUS is popularity supposed to be
one who can do anything except make
a living.
SOME people say that dark-haired
women marry first. We differ; it's the
light-headed ones.
CAN an edifice that weighs two hun
bred and fifty tons be properly called
a light house,
Why is the root of the tongue like a
detected man Because it is down in
| the mouth.
LOVE MATCHES are often formed by
people who pay for u month of honey
with life of vinegar.
! PoUGHKEEpsIE uses 600, 900 gallons
of water per day and says nothing
about the other ingredients.
Mrs. PART1NGToN thinks that the
grocers ought to hire music teacher
to teach them the scales correctly.
Mrs SMITH says her husband is like
a tallow candle, because he always will
smoke when he is going out.
(Which is the plainest, you, l, or
so-and SO r. asked young lady.
"Weli, / don't know replied her
friend "anyhow you are the querist."
THEODORE Hook once said to man
at whose table publisher got very
tlpsy, you appear to have emptied
your wine celler into your bookseller"
PRESIDENT JACKSON, of Trinity Col
lege, is on his way to Europe to perfect
plans for the new college buildings at
Hartford.
A WESTERN editors statement 'sWe
are living at this moment under abso.
lutte dlspotism," is attributed by his
contemporaries to the fact that he has
| just been married
/" IT is very sickly here" said one
of the sons of the Emerald Isle, the
other day, to another eyes" replied
his companion, "a great many have
died this year that have never died be-
fore"
" CHILD" said Sunday School
teacher, who made your vile body?"
Well. ma'am," said the little girl.
" its not good one, but isn't it rather
hard to call 1T vile 1t was mother
made it, and sister made the skirt. I"
MIsTAKEN Identity young Fitz.
Spoonful thinks he is making nm i'm.
preston on those two charming girls.)
Small boy, catching hold of his coat
ooh, papa, dear papa come and kiss
your darling babies !"
AN aristocratic Fifth avenue papa.
on being requested by rich, vulgar.
young fellow for permission to marry
Zone of his girls" gave this rather
crushing reply Certainly, which
would YOU prefer, the waitress or the
cook
THE surfeitingw we all undergo during
the season of fruit brings into action
the family pill box. IL is little sin
gular how much hunting has TO he
done to find that box The party who
last needed its services doesn't remem.
Der where he left 1T, and doesn't care
to think of il at all, while he whose
turn now occurs isn't actually tortured
/ 10 death by anxiety. We are not ou,ta
sure but that there is faint hone
down somewhere IN his breast that il
may not be found at all. He feels
mps.forming in his throat as he peers
among the bottles and boxes which
constitute the pharmacy at his house.
and when the box finally appears, and
\ he feels il IN his hand. there is n son.
sation at the pit of his stomach AZ e
somebody was trying TO turn that OF.
/ gan over with All old brass candlestlck
Some people swallow dose Of mills
without qualm, and afterwards 90
/ round looking as proud and uyerhear.
| ing as boy whose father plays in a
band, but the most of ms are more
dclicately constituted, and counting
ont dose OF pills while some one else
gets the water, and observe that he
| doesn't see how any one can swallow
the awful things, Is about ~ serious an
undertaking as can be found on re-.
cord. There IL something too awfullv
solemn about il 20 describe. And il Is
little singular that while a man can
swallow whole whortleberries, cherry
pits, and even buckshot, without any
uneasiness at all, yet q single pin will
catch IN his throat, at particular
tlckclish spot, and hang there four
hours, and make faces at his stomach.
And q man in a fix like that il not
exactly the party we would select to
eoneoct notices for q festival. Dan.
beFu Means