The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1873-01-16

OlOeIN COOC0tVOO SuO tuNo soos - y -
patent bath tu5 OF some peou liar sort
aud that Squatting Rear. 10 momsn
OF mental alteration, had been seize
; With 90 inexplicabls aud unprecedenl
: ed desire ~ wash himself. The sonl
/ Of the ssvAgss burned with hsry 10
: dignStion - they contemplated ID
. possibility Of the adoption OF this rev
]. olutionary, enervating and dsmoralis
ing practice Of the pale faces BY th
nobier red man.
But when they questioned 6quattinl
Bear and demonstrated with him, thu
incomprehensibIs brave merely placed
his copper eolored finger upon hi
amber nose and winksd solemnly with
his right eye. The trunk was carriet
: through to the wigwam Of Squattint
Bear unopened-at the expsnss Of Tn
Gle Sam--and within the precincts O
his home it was hidden finally from
view, and was soon entirely forgotten
In the tribe, the brave who killed
the largest number Of enemies Ia any
given year, aud secured the usual tro-
phies Of victory, was entitled 70 occupy
] the position as chief. Squatting Bear
was known to have ardent aspirations
for the Office, and be worked hard TO
win 1t. For awhile after his return be
was always foremost in every fight;
aud when the scalps were counted
around the camp f,e, he invariably
had secured the greatest number.
Gradually, however, certain % the
braves were impressed with the no.
ton that Squatting's trophies sonie-
times did not bear very correct l.ro-
portion to the feroci,y of the contest or
+ to the number of slain. several times,
4 after q brief skirmish in which ten or
i fifteen men were killed. squatting
would come sliding home with rs
many scaIps as there were dead men.
while, at the same time the other war
riors would have nearly as many
more.
Tie braves thought it was queer,
but they did not give the subject very
serious attention until after the mas
sacre Of y certain band Of emigran,s
which had passed close by the camp OF
the tribe. There were just tweaty
persons in the company, and, after the
butchery, several Indians took the
trouble TO count the bodies and to keep
tally with butcher-knife upon the
side Of chip. That night. when the
scsips were numbered. each brave had
one or two apiece. but Squatting Bear
handed out forty-saven Of the most
beautiful punches Of human hair that
were seen west Of the Miss ssippi
The braves locke cross-eyed at each
other and cleared their throats. Two
Of the number stole out TO the battle
field for the purpose Of counting the
bodies again, and Of ascertaining II
this had been menageTie with . few
double-headed persons il the party.
Yes, there lay exactly twenty
corpses; aud, to make matters worse.
one Of them was !,sld-heaied inai,.
who. for additional security La Lis
scalp, had run y rsste-strap over i,i.
head ard bncSiad IL under his chin.
When they returned. the entire
camp devoted itself 10 meditation and
calculation. Twenty men killed. and
forty scaips in the possession o
a single brave. without counting thos.
secured by other participants 10 th'
contest. The more the warriors pom
dered over this fact the more perplex
ing it became. A brave, while eatinj
his supper and rejecting upon tn
problem, would suddenly imagine b
| saw his way clear, and he would stoI
with his mouth full Of baked dog, AM
fix his eyes upon the wall and thinl
desperately hard. But the solution
invariably eluded him. Then al
would glide behind their wiewsm
and perform abstruse mathematics
calculations upon their fingers; AM
they would get sticks and jam tn
points into the sand and do hard sum
out Of their aboriginal arithmetic
And they would tear around through
the Indian rule Of three, and struggle
through their own kind OF vuigal
fractions, and wrestle With something
that they believed TO be a multiplica.
ton table. Bat in vain. Forty seven
scaIps of twenty heads! II seemed
impossible.
They tried it with algebra, and le,
the number Of heads equal and the
number Of scalps equal y, and they
/ multiplied into y and subt-acted
every letter In the alphabet in 81 ,ces-
! sion from the result until their brains
reeled, but still the mystery remained
unsolved.
Al last secret council was held
and 1t was determined that Squatting
Bear must u cours. have som. most
powerful ani woadartul charm which
enabled him to perform such mirac es,
aud all hand agreed to investigate The
matter upon 'ile first opportunity.
-" next week there .a- another
fight, in which four persons were
killed and Squatting Bear actually
had the aulacifv tn ru.h out an. h,,,
dred aud eighty-seven scaip-, aud to
ask those benighied savages, sitting
round their fire, to believe that he had
snstched all that hair from those four
heads.
IT was too much much too m uch.
they seized him aud drove a white oak
stake through his bosom to hold him
still, and then they proceeded to hi.
wigwam to ascertain how that SCALP
business was conducted by the Bear
family. They burst open the Soratoga
trunk. the first thing. and therein they
found 1900 wigs. and keg Of red
paint, purchased by tho disgracefui
aboriginal while In Phiadelphia.
That concluded his career. They
buried him at once in the Saratoga
trunk. and the wigs with him, and
ever since that time they have elected
annually committee on scalps, whoss
business it is to examine every hir-
suite trophy with n douhle harr.i ~up