Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-07-04
Fl JUNIOR

In ancwer to bumptious correspondent
the "Scientifo American" explains its views
Of perpetual motion, in the following ironi-
cal terms ''Many forms of perpetual mo-
ton machines have been invented. The
simplest form is the tub. When man
places himself iu tub and by steady pull
at the handles lifts himself from the ground,
he has produced a successful, perpetual
motion. All such machines necessarily
operate on the same principal and, until an
individual is enable to operate the simple
form above described with success, it will
be useless for him to expect that he can
work more complicated, perpetual motion
machine. The addition of cog wheels and
levers will not help the matter
Recently it rainod very heavily and
beautiful young lady was waiting in door
way for a car. Up came polite youth and
with Cbesterfeldian bow that would have
delighted Edmund Yates, said ''May |
have the pleasure of protecting you with my
umbrella p And she said in a charming
voice, ELEVATE your rag" He looked as
though the remark depressed him consider.
ably.
Several Yale students we're hustled off to
the lookup the other night, for serenading
female boarding school. The boys thought
it all very good fun. lookup and all, until
they discovered that the girls had all left
for New York the day preceding their mu.
steal effort.
A little boy tn this city, after his custom
airy evening prayer night or two ago, con
tinued, "Bless mama and Jenny, and Un-
Gle Benny" adding, after moments Iause
the explanatory remark, "My name Is
Hutchinson"
The other day countryman asked one of
Barnum's men, "Where is the mummy p
The latter replied, ''He is dead" and the
inquirer passed on, perfectly satisfied, for
he couldn't expect that even Barnum could
prevent percentage of mortality.
One of our startling tombstones was cree
ted to the memory Of ''Tabitba, beloved
wife of Joseph Wright, Thomas Andrews,
Eben Halstead, Chas. Dean ond Edwin
Murray, by her devoted husband Cyrus
Morgan"
The citizens Of Georgia town were sur
prised to read in their local journal the other
day that perhapsit was not worth while for
them to attempt to raise boys. The afllct'
cd editor insists that he wrote hogs.
A Troy paper compliments upon her good
memory woman who identified on the
street dress stolen from her four months
ago. Considering the frequent changes in
the styles, it was rather singular that she
could keep it in mind.
Barmun has man in his employ who
never told lie. Remarkable as it may
appear, he used to be reporter on West
ern paper. 1t is essential to note in this
connection that the paper was exceedingly
short-lived.
"Boo.hoo !" blubber Walter, II did not
want to 90 a swimmin' with 'em, Ma |
only wanted to 90 down and see the bad
little boys get drowned for going SWIM
min Sunday-boo-ho
An experienced old stager says if you
make love to widow who has daughter
twenty years younger than herself, begin
by declaring that you thought they were
sisters.
A poor corset maker, out Of work and
starving, thus vented her miserable COIN
plant "Shame that should be without
bread--I who have stayed the, stomachs Of
thousands.
A spirited young man says that when he
feels out Of sorts, which he does about seven
times day, he takes whisky to set him
right, on which account he calls it right
ing fluid"
There is a young lady in Yorkshire nam.
ed Price, who is six feet five inches high
People say there are some women above
Price. We don't believe it.
It is reported that juvenile dandy said
to fair partner at Boston ball !: miss,
don't you think my mustaches becoming 2"
to which Miss replied; "Well, yes, but they
haven't arrived
A Texas saloon keeper, who used a sto-
len gravestone for beer counter ''has been
persuaded by the argument of a grass rope
in the hands of his neighbors," to abandon
the practice.
England is celebrated for its fogs, France
for its frogs, ireland for its bogs, Canada
for its dogs, Maine for its logs and Ohio for
its hogs.
Binks tumbled down stairs the other day |
and that wretch Bevins said that it was |
better proof of the descent Of man than any |
Darwin had given.
"Oh, MAJ said little girl who had been
to the show, Tive seen the elephant, ard |
he walks backwards and cats with bis tail" |
The Boston Transcript" asks: "Ifa |
Miss is AZ good as mile, how good is |
Mrs. % If she is widow she will be good |
for league, perhaps
Josh Billings says: Don't work before
breakfast. If it is necessary to work before
breakfast, eat your breakfast first.
At coroner's inquest, witness was
asked, "what was the last thing seen by the
deceased ?" kerosene !" was the reply.
The most bashful girl ever heard of was
a Young lady who Flushed when she was
asked il she had not been counting 81 yep.
Sea ca plains should be good natured s; it
would not be safe to have can t-anchor-u us
man to command ship.
Josh Billings says, very truly You'd
better not know SO much, than to know so
many things that amt 500
To managers /: How to have the coolest
theatre in the city during the summer sc a.
son-engage (n)ice company.
Look well before you leap, is very good
advice in its way but how can sickly look
ing persons follow it.