The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-11-08
VARIETY.

saginaw (lich.) husbands are now Obliged 10
get permit from their wives for every glass of
liquor they desire To procure in the saloons Of
that city.
The dying words of Delaware woman were
So Henry, If you marry again, remember that it
only takes eupful Of sugar to sweeten quart
of gooseberries.
Let me kiss him for his murder has become
very popular song with the prisoners of the San
Francisco County jail since the last execution.
WIDOWS IN DEMAND. I'm not in mourning, e"
aid young lady, frankly, TO n querist, - but rs
the widows are getting all the offers nowadays,
we poor girls have to resort TO artifce.''
ScRUPLEs.-EngIish tourist My man, what's
your charge for rowing me across the Firth ?''
BOatman-'' Weel, SIR, l was, just thinkin' |
canna break the Sawbath day for no less than
fifteen shul'ns -
- BUFFALO Bills Within the past two wears
% Detroit reporter has shaken hands with thirteen
Buffalo Bills all displaying the same bounti-
tai supply of " shOOting-irons," but every one
with different 'phiz.''
An cngine-driver and stoker on the Midland
Railway recently called ut the shop of we'll
known temperanceman and Good Templar in Der
byshire and asked him to show him where Messrs.
- spirit vaults were situated. So Yes,
replied the Good Templar, 80 come this way
and taking them through his shop and house,
the back of which faces the parish ehurch-yard,
he said, pointing to the graves, " There are the
vaults, but the spirits are all gone
Molly Adams, of In Crosse, Wis, had three
lovers come 10 see her on Z recent Sunday even
ing. The lass thought there were two too many,
and ordered one of the trio to leave. He did SO.
She then told the other two that she would give
Them ten minutes to decide which of them should
remain for the evening. So saying she retired
from the room, and for some time thereafter
sharp rough-and- tumble fight ragged in that par
Tor, which ended in compromise to the effect
that the couple should court the girl in company
Tor an hour, Molly to decide at the end of that
time which of the two should leave
\ philosophical and truthful writer wisely
says :. \ iudicious wife is always nipping off
from her husbands moral nature little twigs
that are growing IN the wrong direction" That's
iust 50. When you say something funny, rs
YOU suppose, she looks ut you in astonishment,
and quietly asks, - How can you be such fool?''
When Won come home election night, elated
ut the success of your party, and inform her of
the fact, she kindly informs You that you'd show
more sense by attending TO your own business
than by running after that of other people.
When YOU return TO her from the club, and tell
her Of the applause with which that neat little
speech welcoming the Hon. Mr.. Pograssy Bunum
was greeted, she says that the members must all
be great fools yourself. \ man who has
aet a iudiciOus wife never gets very vain of him.
self She keeps him from all that sort of non
-ense by pleasant remarks. \ iudicious wife's
GOOD thing 10 have In the house, though there
are some things more pleasant to associate with.
\ bile is first rate thing TO have. Ii keeps of
no Of sickness. But if we were to be afflicted
with 4 bile all the time, we prefer fit of sick
ness even If it did kill.
\ LOUISVILLE P.EAN.--This Is the way 4 worn
.at LouisviIlian announces his freedom from
newspaper thraldOm for one day
Fly away 10 the mountains, beneath shade and
by fountains all We dust-ehOked patriots hy;
there you may keep still, crate IT you will, or
ing of the Fourth of July. If you orate, please
-rate that the country Is great-a patent right
Yankee notion talk Of railroads and rings and
other big things, not emitting the fact that an
ocean l. all that keeps it from crossing over,
and bOssing all the nations that IN darkness he,
who IN ignorance are grOping, without the sem
blance of hoping for day like the Fourth OF
July IL you are not noodle, you will sing
Yankee Doodle till your notes reach the
clouds in the sky-till the hills take the chills,
~ your fervid song thrills with the glory of the
Fourth of July Nou Will sling in Adams and
Hancock Washington and Plymouth Rock,
Yorktown and New Orleans, Paul Jones and his
ship But whatever you skip, you should not
by any means omit to allude in the most impas-
stoned mood. to the grand old days of yore how
that seyenty-six, on account of political tricks,
crIn't be gotten up IN good styl any more. The
sink or swim rrOpe is now the softest soft sOap
survive or perish is can't; the Revolution Is
rant, and the only thing left is rad, niger, and
Grant. But with these three, and national
debt, IT Inay possibly be, we'll be happy yet.
This being the case we drown our sorrOw in the