The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-13
GENERAL ITEMS.

SIC transit-That across the ocean.
DoAT-AGE--The age of infancy.
A "YoUNG sHAvER"-A barber's baby. |
THE coming MANA waiter.
SHocKING-A magnetic battery.
A MAN over.bored-An editor.
The best flowers for winter wear
FurZe.
AN unsatisfactory meal-A domestic
broil.
OUR nineteenth century is the age of
tools.
A STRAIGHT line is the shortest in NOR
ais as in geometry.
BOYS are like vinegar: the more
"mother" there is in them, the sharper
they become.
CIVILIZED cannibalism- Eating your
bread with little Indian in it.
NEITHER great poverty or great riches
will bear reason.
SEVEN thousand women belong to the
Belgian Internationals.
A MAN that don't know emmy thing will
tell it the first time he gets a chance.
Josh Billings.
WHEN 1 am a man, is the poetry of
childhood; when was young, is the noe
try of old age.
A TRUIsN-An expensive wife makes
pensive husband.
A MAN that ought to be remembered
A one-legged soldier.
If the best mans faults were written on
his forehead he would draw his hat over
his eyes.
AN Idaho miner lately fell several hun
dred feet out of a "hucket' with out kick
ing it.
NATIONS and men are only best when
they are gladdest, and deserve Heaven
when they enjoy it.
AN Ohio diaryman wishes to patent the
application of galvanism for the destruc-
ton of cheesemites.
TALK about the modern falling off of
home affections! Our wives are becom-
ing dearer every day.
OUR school-boy remarks that when his
teacher undertakes to show him what is
what he only finds out which is switch.
THE Boston Board of Trade has re-
solved that the State ought to retain con-
troll OF the hole of the Hoosac Tunnel.
lie alone is a man who can resist the
genius of the age, the love of fashion.
with vigorous simplicity and modest cour-
age.
LET us not disdain glory too much
nothing is finer except virtue. The height
OF happiness would be to unite both in
this life.
PHILADELPHIA papers, having slain the
steam-whistle monster, have buckled on
their armor against the ringing of church
bells on the Sabbath !
THE rate of telegraphing between this
country and Europe is one dollar word:
but the price is to be reduced on the 1st
of May next, to 75 cents per word.
HYPOCRISY is folly. 1t is much easier.
safer and pleasanter to be the thing which
man aims to appear than to keep up the
appearance of being what he is not.
AN organization of capitalists is re-
ported to be forming in North Carolina to
carry pine products to the highest pitch.
a sort of target company with brains.
EVENTS are only the shells of ideas ::
and often it is the fluent thought of ages
that is crystalized in a moment by the
stroke OF pen or the point of bayonet
PROFESSOR AGAssIz says that "trilo-
bites are not any more closely related to
the phyllopods than to any other ento-
mostrac@ or to the isopod." OF course
not !
a MAN who bought a thousand Havana
cigars, recently, on being asked what he
was carrying, replied that they were
tickets to course of lectures to be given
by his wife.
AN exchange tantalizes its readers with
this atrocity: Have you heard of the
man WIZ got shot?'' "Got shot? No:
how did he get shot?' "He bought
them"
SwIFT's maxim in conversation was
Take as many half minutes as you can
get, but never take more than half min
ute without pausing, and giving others
an opportunity to strike in.
"a
is the scorn felt by true nature for what
is base; but sncer has always a vein of
the ignoble in it, and a sneer at a fallen
accomplice belongs to natures of the low
est grade.
IT is an old saying and one of fearful
and fathOmless import, that we are form
ing characters for eternity. Forming
characters Whose? Our own or others?
Both, and in that momentous fact lies the
peril and responsibility of our existence.
MENTIONING that wood fires are cheap
er than a doctors visits, Charles Dudley
Warner apolog g2tically adds ''Not that 1
have anything against doctors; | only
wish, after they have been to see us in a
way that seems so friendly, they had no.
thing against u.s."
ARIsTOCRACY in the 10Th century is the
league, the coalition, of those who wish
to consume without producing, live with
out working, occupy all public places
without becoming competent to fill them,
and seize upon all honorS without merit
ing them-that is aristocracy!
TIE man who sat up all night weigh
ing ton of coal with a pair of steelyards,
and by the pailful to see that he had re-
ceived full weight, thought he was ahead
a few pounds until he remembered that
he had not deducted the weight of the
pail.
A MINISTER, making a pastoral call at
a house where the children were kept
pretty quiet on Sunday was confidentally
Informed by one of the little girls that
she would like to be minister. "Why?"
said the gratified but somewhat puzzled
shepherd. $50 could holler ON Sunday,n
was the reply.
Small POx-HOw to Prevent COntagion.