The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1873-11-21
MISCELLANY.
4 Husbands Remorse.

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When you hear of sinner Of a
husband who has repented and is
rot ashamed to advertise his repen-
tance, reason enough there Is for our
no,ieeing Of him; while if he hap
pens to reside in Chicago, be must
be regarded as a rare and fascina-
ting phenomenon. The world has
50 long believed that all the shrevs
in it wear petticoats, that it might
doubt the existence of a shrew IN
pantaloons, if he did not vouch for
it over his sign-manuel. The Chi
cago specimen of this genus, all
ladies will be happy to hear, is ex-
ceedingly sick and sorry. After
growing at his breakfast; after fly
ing into spasms of profene range in
regard TO his shirt buttons; after
scolding his dame for sitting up for
him and likewise scolding her for
going to bed; after auditing with
disgusting preciseness her dry goods
bills, and possibly speaking disre-
spectfully of her beloved mother,
this Chicago man went home one
night to discover that she had by
flight upset and, as it were, smashed
the domestic alter. So far from be-
ing able to grunt at his supper, there
was literally no supper for him to
grunt at. There was the nuptial
couch, with pillows for two where,
alas there was only one head to be
accommodated. There was the, long
night of Ionesomness before him,
with nobody to snarl at and with
not coffee and rolls, good or bad, in
the prospective of the bright rosy
morning. There were the skirts
perhaps all buttonless and likely to
remain so, although, the next day
might be Sunday. Wrath was un-
ayailing; despair sat mocking
among the shivered household goods
upon the desolate hearthstone; and
this wretehed husband in the bitter
ness of his lonely soul began to COM
prehend that he had been the cum
ming architect of his own ruin, and
a jackass into the bargain. What
he did during that dreary and drag
ging night we were not informed;
but morning found him contrite and
wilted. Selling q penN he hastily
wrote the following advertisement
for all the world, for astonished hus-
bands and for giggling wives to read
in the Chicago Times: "BE IT
Known that I shamefully treated
my wife, and was the cause of her
leaving me, whereas she was a good
wife. IF she viii return, will be
all a husband can be- WHIT"
We are willing to accept this ev-
idence of Mr.. Whit's cahange of
heart, in spite of the ambiguity of
his concluding phrase. A husband
''can be-" as this very person, ac-
cording to his own confession, has
shown himself an exceedingly disa-
greeable person. A husband .'can
be" torment, plague, curse, a
nuisance, botheration, and a chron-
ic calamity. A husband "can be"
a spendthrift, sluggard, a drone, a
malicious Ounce, and a pretty des-
pot. Husbands have been all these
and worse, and the Chicago sinner
and penitent may have been. He
acknowledges that he ''shamefully
treated" Mrs. Whit, and has only
himself. to thank for her fight
"Shamefully treated" is a very sug-
gestive, and not a pleasantly sug-
gestive phase. Then mark the pa
thetic neutrality-suspicious.
as she was a good wife. There
can be no question about it-Whit
was wrong; but when Whit was very
sorry and has very magnanimously
acknowledged it, and if these lines
should meet the eyes of Mrs. Wait,
and silently and without a tear to
bury the past, if she has not done
so already.
The world is full of unreasonable
husbands, with here and there, II
we may be allowed to say so, an
unreasonable wife; but if there be
any ill-used woman whose ''grouty''
good man crowns the ebullitions OF
his spleen by threating to abscond,
let her adopt the expedient of say
ing with a cheerful smile: II think
you had better not; remember Mr..
Whit, the Chicago boltter, my
dear. > n. Y. Tribune.