The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-02-13
ALL Sorts Of Paragraphs.

All SOfCS Oh faFaSThpHSs
What is that which has its head at one
end ard its mouth at the other? A river.
= What is that which must be taken from
you before you can give it away? Your pho
tegrapa. ,
off the papers and stump speakers tell the
truth, only the greatest scoundrels are nomina-
ted for Office.
= Cuilp says there is little difference be-
tween woman's dress and womans temper
both can be easily rufaed.
- The mysterious name of the monkey
wrench" was taken from its inventor, MIR. Mon
key, who still lives in New jersey.
. The negro who bet $2.75 he could ride
mule with q pine-burr under the saddle, lost
the money. He was followed to the tomb by
a very large enthusiastic audience.
4 Georgia woman is credited with havlng
raised large family, although not out OF her
teens. 1t was her mother-in-law's family, and
she did it with keg of powder planted IN the
cellar.
= l. nervous youth in Louisville, after his
marrisge ceremony, slipped nickle five cent
piece into the parsons hand, instead of FIVE
dollar gold pice, which he had ready in another
pockes
= AN Indiana Sunday school man writes to
Bible firm in New York: "Send me on some
Sunday school papers and books Let the
books be about pirates and Indians as tar as
possible"
THAT map" said wag, "came to Nash,
ma forty years ago, purchased basket, and
commenced gathering rags. How much do
you suppose he is worth now?" It was CO.
nundrum we could not answer. Nothing" he
continued after pause, "and owes for the bas-
ket.n
"a young lady has just been fined 5000 in
Chicago for calling her lover into the kitchen
and throwing some boiling lye upon him.
This mode of giving the lye direct was highly
resented BY the lover, who concluded that the
warmth Of the maiden's affection was too much
for him, and had her arrested.
One man at least has been found who can
appreciate mother-in-law. He lives in New
port, and having become widower some time
ago, has married her who held to him that re-
lation, ordinarily regarded as one of natural
hostility. How many men could be found In
this wide republic willing to marry their mo
thers-in-law?
"A young lady writes to an exchange Civ
ing a receipt for having fun. She says, invite
half q dozen boys and girls to your house when
your pa and ma are away; put half dollar
silver piece in dish with molasses an inch
deep in it, and offer it to the boy who gets it
with his mouth. The more the boys who try
to get it, the more fun will there be. The girl
deserves diploma.
"A New Haven revivalist the other night
painted the future state of the wicked in gloomy
coloru, and saying his father died very wicked
man, and had gone to hell, was proceeding,
when young man rose to 90 out. The preach
er at once announced that there was a. young
man going straight to the same burning region,
when the seceder stopped and coolly asked:
"Well, elder, don't you want to send some
word to your father?"
- Although we are not professional theo-
logiaas, we modestly suggest to the converse
tionalist on the Creation, that the true reason
of making man last of creation was, the fore
knowledge of mans dishonesty for if man
had t,een made first in creation, he would now
be writing big books to prove that he made the
balance, instead of attempting to prove that
what are called created things, existed always
and rever had beginning at all.
No story of heather mythology (says a
writer in Appleton's Journal,) which tells of
the transformation of human or celestial beings
into plants or trees, are so beautiful as that one
in which the North American Indians give the
origin of their maize, which is, in substance,
that beautiful girl, pursued by river god,
took refuge among the reeds, twlnlng them
about her to hid herself, upon which her slen-
der fern was changed into graceful stalk, her
teeth into milk-white kernels, and her lovely,
floating hair into silk; and, in place of reeds
and maiden, there stood only tall, bending
stalk of Indian corn; so that, ever after, in the
rustic of waving corn field, the red man
could hear the stirring of company of timid
girls.
- A comical twin story is reported from
Dublin. a barber was waited upon one morn;
ing by nice young gentleman, who desired
the kair-dresser's lowest terms to keep his
comety caput in condition. A moderate sum
was named and accepted. Thereafter the new
customer appeared every day for a "close
shave" with frequent additions of shampooing
and hair cutting, and often twice day. In
short, the barber marvelled much at the rapid
ity with which this young mans beard and
hair grew, and the mystery was only solved
after 4 considerable lapse of time, when one
day "two of him" came into the shop at once
for shave The original customer who made
the bargain had twin brother so exactly like
him in personal appearance that Zone couldn't
tell tother from which," and the two had been
gettiEg the attentions of the tonsor for the
price paid for one.
WHY Do MEN DRINK INTOXICATING IL
oUoRs I'VE have pondered in our minds the
above question, and the more we think on it,
thu More perplexing it becomes. It is incOm-