The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-10-18
chambers Journal.]
BurglarIOuSiy and FelOniOusly.

BurglarIOusiy and FelOniOusly.
We bad just locked up the safe, and I had
pu, the key in my o;ket-I am the account
ant of the North aud South OF England Bank
at its Padsey Branch, w. R. Yorks-i had
got my nat on, and had taken up my umbrel
la, wGen man came running into the bank
with bag OF money in his hand.
Am l in timer he cried. l shook my
head.
''Deuce take IT. he said: ''and I'm off to
Liverpool by the next train, and then to
''Sorry for it, said; ''but we can't take
the money"
swell, hen, what is to be done? Here's
TWENTY-FIVE thousand pounds in this bag. and
those drafts of mine come due in a couple of
days. We'll. you'u have to take EN- up he
said; Il can t, unless you teke the money in
tonight
knew that those d ats were coming due,
and that our manager was little anxious
about Them, for they were rather heavy, and
the other names on them were not very
good. Black, too, that was the man with
the money-bag) BLACK Vas capital custom
or and not only good customer himself but
he brought good accounts with him, and we
were young branch and on our mettle.
Well, here was the money to meet the
drafts, anyhow, and l should have been a
great fool to send ii away just because it was
after-hours. So 1 counted it all over; there
was abou. nineteen thous ind in cheques and
notes, aud three thousand in gold.
"Come and have glass of beer with me-"
said Black, ''on the way to the station"
l put the bag of money in my desk, and
locked it up. l would come back presently,
and have it placed in the safe. walked to
the station with Black; we had some beer to-
gether, and then he went off Americawards,
and l on the way to Metropolitan Villas.
You see, was rather in the habit of calling
for glass of beer as l went home, and then
going on; and, consequently, from the force
OF habit I'd almost got home before 1 re-
membered the bag of money. II was veXing,
too, because We had a tea-party that night
the first since our marriage, and it began at
six O'Clock, and i'd promised to be az home
an hour earlier, to draw the corks and help to
get things ready. And here 1T was six
o'clock, aud had to go all the way back to
the bank.
All the way back went as hard as 1 could
pelt. However, the money was all right in
my desk, and now I'd put it in the SAFE
Fell NJ. Co1sin's'-our manager. you know
u said to the servant who'd let me IN, that
want the key of the safe Bat you had it
in your pocket, say you; which shows that
you are not acquainted with the rules aud
regulations of the North and South Of En-
gland Bank, which say that the accountant
or chief cashier hall be responsible for the
due custody OF the cash whilst it is in his
possession in the daytime, and that at night
all moneys and securities shall be carefully
secured within the Office safe, which shall be
secured by two keys, one of which shall be in
the custody of the manager. aud the second
IN that of the accountant or cashier. But,
you say again, as long as you had one key,
what did you want with two? There, own,
the regulations are ohscaIe. They were
drawn up BY somebody without any literary
skill; if they'd consulted me about 'em, /
could have suggested a good many improve
ments. WHAT they meant to say was, that
the safe vas to be secured by two locks, and
that key of each, not interchangeable the
one with the other, was to be in the custody,
etc. Now you understand why 1 wanted
Mr.. Cousins key.
"Eh, myH said the servant, opening her
mouth wide, land what might.you want Mr.
Cousins key for?"
Just as stupid as you, you see. l was mad
with the girl. l own 1 always get out OF
temper with those Yorkshire people IF you
ask 'em the simplest question, first they open
their mouths and cape at you. When you've
repeated he question twice, they shut their
mouths and think for Bit. Then the idea
seems to reach the thing that does duly with
'em fol brains, and excites sort of reflex
action. for, by jingo! instead of answering
your question, they go and ask you one.
And that makes me so mad Oh, they're a
very uense race, those Yorkshire people,
why, 70 open the safe, you stupid" said
I. "Where is he?'
''Oon We know ?" says she.
Know cried in a rage, 'What should
ask you for, if did know?'
IBID Mt thau know he were al thai house ?'
All so be was. Ia nearly forgotten that
he was.or.e OF the guests at my wife's party.
Clearly, | couldn't get the safe open, and l
didn't like to leave the money in my desk, so
L put it in my pocket, and took it home,
thinking I'd give iJ to Cousins with my key
to put it in the safe when he returned.
A nice mess 1 got into when I reached
home; for you see it had been arranged that
was to go up stairs and dress before any
body came; and that then our room was to
be made ready for the ladies to take their
bonIets off-for they were not all carriage
people. We'll, you never saw such thing
When | got bone and crept upstairs to dress
the people had all come, so the servant said
there were six muffs, and four bonnets, and
five pork-pie hats, and halt -a-dozen shawls Oh
the bed; and one lady had left her every
day curls hanging over the lookipg-gass. Up
on my wor1, l really didn't like to perform
my toilet among all these feminine gear; and
there was no lock to the door; and my dress
clothes were all smothered up amongst these
muffs and things. But got through pretty
well, and hadjust got one of my legs into my
trowsers, when bang-atrop-dop-dop! such
rattle at the knocker, and heard my wife
scutling away into the hall. They were the
Marksbys, our trump cards, who kept their
own carriage and everything grand.
80 kind OF you, dear"' said my wife. kiss
ing Mrs. Marksby most affectionately; [
could hear the reports where stood.
$50 delighted Really, how nicely, how
beautifully you arrange everything! l can't
have things so nice, with all my servants
and
run up stairs, dear, do! said my wife {;
you know the room--my room, right hard,
at the top of the stairs"
heard fltter of female wings on the
stairs What was L to do? If could have
managed the other ksg, L wouldn't have mind
ed, but | couldn't. l hadn't worn any of
those dress-tbings for good while, and
don't get any thinner as / grow older. No,
FIR the life of me [ couldn't dispose of that
other leg at such short notice. What could
do? l could only rush to the door, and set
my back against it. Did tell you our land
lord had altered the house for US, making our
bedroom larger by adding a slip that had
formed separate room? | think not. And
yet ought to have told you all these crcum-
stan es, to enable You to understand the Ca
tastrophe that followed. In word the door
opened outwards. I'd forgotten that pecu-
harty-never having had a roo so consti-
tuted befere-and never will again. The
dcor went open with crash, and | bounded
nacAwards into Mrs. Marksbys ar rs. Smell
n9 salts and volatile, was there ever such
an untoward affair?
I'LL o-ltmlty-tum-de-de! The music
my room. hid my head amongst the i hoI.
stets and NUTS, and almost cried, for 1 am
such deiicate-minded man. Yes. if burt
me good deal more than it did Mrs. Marks.
BY, Tor, woulJ you believe it9-she told the
story down below to the whole .omnanv
with pantomimic action. and when sbnmesdi
myself at the door of the drawing-room'
was received with shonts of aughterl
thiIk called the Yorkshire people dense