The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-22
magistrate, when condemned to

magistrate, when condemned tt
pay fine, the musician would al
lege that London was so dark
SO foggy, that he never could set
to shave himself, except in the
street, and not liking TO sit on tho
curbstone, or on u house step, he
had thought that a cab transform
ed into a drcssing-room was not
only the most ingenious, but 4;
very intelligent way Of getting rio
of his supcrfnous beard" Never
at rest, travelling from one part oil
the continent TO another, his chiel
! object in life seemed TO be to wor.
! ry Custom-house officials. Arriv.
ing at some particular country,
where the ideas Of free trade were
! of the most unenligi!tcncd charac.
! ter, provided with a quantity of
! baggage. an inimitablc actor, he
/ would pretend to conceal two of
them, Il huge trunk and Il smaller
one, from the eyes of the officials,
only the more to excite their
curiosity.
At last the large trunk would
be opened. 1t would be found to
contain thousands of secondhand
pantaloon straps, an appendix to
trousers now perfectly obsolute.
In vain the Custom house people
would cudgel their brains to solve
the mystery. They had to be all
bundled out to the very last one,
but to their amazemcnt no two
straps were found to be alike.
They had evidently been packed
by hydraulic pressure, for the
most frantic efforts on the part of
the employees would not put
them back again into the trunk.
In the meantime, hundreds of pas
sengers were storming at the de-
tcntion, while the practical joker
calmly looked on at the bother be
was causing. But tho second and
smaller trunk was now to be cx-
amined, and the Custom-housc
people hoped there to find him in
default. They ask for the key.
The practical joker draws punches
Of ponderous keys from every one
of his pockets; none will fit, until
at last their patience exhausted,
the Custom-house officers threaten
to burst the trunk open. Then
the possessor Of this particular
trunk; calmly asks the angry Off
Ger if he is married. "What is
that your business ?" is surly re-
ply. "Only this, that before you
open that trunk ! would advise
You to so home, shake hands with
your wife, kiss your little chill
dren, write your will, and call at
an undertakcr's as you come back,
there arc rattIcsnakes in that
trunk. I never travel without
them" OF course the man leaves
the trunk instantly, and a mes
Sengcr has to be sent to the head
director, who is shrewd enough to
be aware that he has to do with
some practical joker. Presently
the official returns, and asks pomp-
ously: How many snakes have
you, sir" SONY six" is the reply !;
"Look for yourself" "Oh! only
six. The head of the department t
says six snakes can pass, but
that seven would have had to pay
duty. I am also directed to state
to you, that if you do not leave
this oifice-pantaloon strap S,
snakes, and all-in FIVE minutes,
you will be forcibly elected" "And
who is to repack my precious
straps, a collection unequaled in
the world? The law entities me
to all my goods. You took them
out, put them back again. The
best period of my life is being de-
voted to finding pairs for those
straps. But l am in the cruel
grasp Of the law, and have no one
defend my rights, save this, my
champion;" and here the practical
joker uncovers his head, surmount-
ed by a peculiar high hat, from
whence appears a snow-white
diminutive Bantam cock. The
chicken raises himself up from the
jokcr's head, claps his wings,
crows three timcs, the hat is put
on again, the chicken goes to
roost on his head, and, having in
about fifteen minutes driven the
Custom-house people to madness,
besides annoying host of anxious
travellers, the practical joker dis.
appears.