Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-01-05
SEALED MYSTERIES.
How a Benedict got His Wife's Orders
Mixed-A Sad Warning TO the Un.
initiated

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Mixed-A Sad Warning TO the Un.
initiated.
He came in and sat down on the chair,
and buried his face in bis hands. / looked
up inquiringly.
"James," 1 said, kindly, seeing he made
no movement, "how do you find your
self?"
"Thank you." he said, without looking
up. "Ill take It hot; and not too much
sugar."
gave it to him hot. 1 took some N.Y.
self. He slipped it in silence, looking into
the depths of the tumbler meanwhile, as if
he was trying to draw from its amber hues
the solution of a problem.
"George," he said, suddenly, and l fan
cied saw spasm of pain shoot athwart
his features. "George"-he brought his
hand down on the table with startling earn
estness-"George, am miserable mani"
He grasped the tumbler and finished the
contents at gulp.
"James," said l, soothingly, "be calm.
Shall the next have more sugar In it?"
"About the same," he said, dismally; 'not
so much water. George, am a wreckP"
"Ah!" said l, taking spoonful to taste,
Eve all have our sorrows."
"WellP' he cried scorniully, "what do you
know of the woes Of life? George, you are
a single man. Keep SO; shun the matri-
monial moose. 'Wsre breakersl" Then
he paused, and said, sternly: "Is this rye
or Monongahela ?"
"Old rye" l answered.
He frowned darkly; then be said: "Wbat's
your opinion of Job?''
"Job?n
"The patient poster, l mean"
"Oh! Well, hardly know. How do you
mean? Do you ask my opinion as to
whether his patience was justifable under
the circumstances, and if would have act
ed the same? Ianswer most enphatically,
MOI"
"Don't mean that mean-do you
think Job ever had successor"
answered that 1 didn't; that l thought
no man since his time was ever fit to wear
his shoes; that every Job complained,
though some people did not complain of
job-city officials, for instance. This was
meant for joke-not warranted shot
proof, however but it didn't take. He
scowled at me.
81 am married." he said, gloomily.
"Why did ever get married."
l thought he was giving me a conundrum
to solve, so 1 said that gave it up; but he
went on without noticing me:
81 am not profane man, lam not given
to using hard words, but | say l am-well
-chiseled if can see what possessed me
to marry"
SIT was strange" assented.
"Was l mad?" he asked-of the tum-
bier.
said perhaps so.
"What happened this morning? Geor ge,
what do you suppose happened?"
"Give it up again."
''What did my wife say to me before
started out to the store?"
"And again"
He groaDed; then he resumed; s'Nelly-
my wife, George-kissed me fondly as is
her wont, as l rose from the breakfast table
to go, and then she laid her hand tenderly
on my arm"
"Ah," said l, 81 only wish-but never
mind"
"And then," he continued, in sepchulcal
voice, 'fshe asked me to call during the day
on the bootmaker, the milliner and the |
dressmsker. She gave me full directions |
as to what l was to say to each. She re-
peated my instructions two or three times, |
and then left the house fully confident l |
knew al about it. How blind is mani"
every true" sssented, ssgely.
"While walking along the street | tried |
to recall the directions. found my men,
ory wandering. To prevent mistakes l |
wrote on separate cards the various dTec-
tons. | went to the milliner and read from |
the card. She screamed and ordered me |
out of the house l was surprised. | |
went to the oo0tmaker, read his card to |
him, ani be said was a lunatic. didn't |
know what to make out of it. l read over
The cards carefully and felt bewildered. /
felt my senses leaving me rapidly; so l
come to YOU"
"You want me to help you Out?"
off you can"
''Hand me over the cards."
The first card took up read as follows:
&C. Ripaud, bootmaker. One pair gros
grain balmorals, cut bias. If expedient an
edging of ostrich feathers. Low in the
neck"
sis there anything the matter with that?"
ne demanded sternly.
"Well, no. A trifle vague, perhaps. Low
n the neck has dubious sound, but-well,
we'll go the next"
madame Ronzaudain, milliner. Queen
Anne turban, leather tips. The brlm a
rifle small and very high in the instep.
Frame looped up with silver tippet heels.
Agate buttons"
''George, what in the d"
"James, is it hot or cold this time"
"Thank you. Neat-no sugar."
"The third note is now in order"
"Madame Poncharsain, dressmaker.
Street dress, real kid uppers, double plaits,
IN pdnier, high up above ankle; wide
sleeves, lace insertion, with a slope on the
,rown."
George" he said, tearfully, show do
you feel?"
'Loose, James, very loose shaky. Well,
here's confusion to your foes. James, there's
something wrong here. Your
wife couldn't have give you these direc-
ions"
"Well, p'raps not" hesadmitted, slowly,
'but thought she did,"
"Now, lock at it, said, sternly." "The
general idea is all right, but you've got 'em
mixed somehow. Now, ifgros grain shoes,
,ut bias, can have any affinity to Queen
Annes panier with agate feathers, you sure
y couldn't suppose that low-necked ankles
,ould be meant for leather heels with silver
Ups, looped up with"
He got up with wild light in his humid
yes, and with groan of anguish hurried
,ut, and heard him cropping down the
'tairs six steps at time.
"Poor fellow" said, sadly, "AnOther
loble mind wrecked" "Oh, woman! in your
hours of ease -"
l took another.