Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-08-14
Natural and Unnatural AristOkrats
NATUR furnishes all the noblemen WE

NATUR furnishes all the noblemen we
hav.
She holds the patient.
Pedigree haZ no more to do in making
a man aktually greater than he IL, than a
pekOk's feather in his hat haz in making
him aktually taller.
ThiZ IL a hard phakt for sum tew learn.
The mundane earth IL thik with male
and femail ones, who thirk they are CRATE,
bekause their anceester wuZ lucky in the
sOpe or tobacco trade, and althO the sOpe
haz run out sum time since, they try teW
phOol themselves and other folks with the
suds.
Sope suds IL a prekarious bubble.
Thare amt nothing so thin on the ribs
az a sope suds aristokrat.
When the world stands in need of an
aristokrat, natur pitches one into it, and
furnishes him papers without emmy flaw
in them.
Aristokrasy kant be transmitted, natur
SEE 50, in the papers.
Titles are plan got up bi humans lew
assist natur in promulgating aristokrasy.
Titles Amt Nv emmy more real use or
necessity than dog collars are.
| hav seen dog collars that kOst three
dollars on dogs that want worth, in emmy
market, over o71a cents.
This IL a CRATE waste Ov collar, and a
CRATE damage tew the dog
Natur don't put but one ingredient into
her kind ov aristokrasy, and that IL viz
teW.
She vets up the virtew sumtimes with
a little pepper sass, just to make it lively.
She seq that all other kinds are false,
and beleave natur.
| wish every man and woman on earth
waz bloated arist0krat, blOated with vir-
tew.
Earthly manufactured aristokrats are
made principally out Nv mummy.
Forty years ago it took about 50 thou
sand dollars tew make a gOOd-sized aristO-
KRAFT, and innokulate hiz family with the
same disseaze, but it takes now about 900
thousand tew throw the partys into fits.
Aristokrasy, like all other breed stuffs,
haZ riZ.
1t don't take emmy more vlrtew teW
make an aristokrat now, nor clothes, than
it did in the daZe Ov Abraham.
NirteW don't vary.
Virtew IL the standard ov values.
Clothes amt.
Tiles Amt.
A man kan 90 barefoot, and be virtew-
Gus, and be an arlStOkrat.
DlOgOneZe WaZ an ariStOkrat.
Hiz brown stone front WaZ a tub, and 1t
want on end at that.
Nirtew will often make yure granddady
CRATE and WI mean, bi komparison.
Next tew virtew in getting up helthE
aristokrat Gums genius.
TheZe are called brane aristokrats.
| luv tew watch the worldly aristokrats,
they set me tew laffing-i laff tew see how
jclous they are ov each other
This IL one ov the best ways that haz
bin discovered yet tew pick out the bogus
aristOkratS.
Natur's aristokrats amt jelous on each
other emmy more than pure Christians
are.
An American aristokrat IL the most
ridikilus thing in market They are gen
orally ashamed ov their ancestors, and, If
they hav emmy, and liv long enutf, they
generally hav cauze tew be ashamed ov
their posterity.
| kno' ov sevral familys in Amerika who
are trieing tew liv on their arlstokrasy.
The money and branes Civ out some time
ago.
1t IL hard SCRATCHING for them.
Yu kan warm up cold potatoze and llV
on them, but yu kant warm up arlstokrat-
TX pride and git even a smell.
1u mite az we'll undertake tew rae
krop ov kOrn in deserted brik yard by
manuring the ground heavy with tan
bark.-N. Y. Weekly.