Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-09
BREVITIES.

ofnotes.
WHAT relation is the door to mat? A
stepfather.
To THINK what we do not feel, is to lie
to ourselves.
CRoor TT has been defined as ''billiards
gone to grass"
A MAN THAT OUGHT TO BE RE-MEM-
BERED.-A one-legged soldier
ADVICE TO YOUNG WRITERs-Say what
you have to say, and then stop.
NEVER communicate your affairs to one
who seems anxious to learn them.
SARATOGA hotels have registered $1,000
visitors during the last three months.
IT is sad to see many walk in the dark
themselves who carry a lantern for 9th
erS.
ONE young lady in Leighton, Pa, has
picked 400 quarts of blackberries this
season.
THE King Of the Ashantees is allowed
10 have 3, 1913 wives, but not to exceed that
number.
A BARBER and surgeon don't differ
much. One lives by his heads the other
by his heals.
THE educational authorities of Zanes-
vile, o., refuse to admit colored children
to the high school,
OUR young ladies are never behind the
fashions; but the fashions are very much
behind the young ladies.
A PADUCAH Judge has just decided that
negroes and whites, in intermarrying, vio-
late no law of Kentucky.
THE cable which was laid between
Kingston and Aspinwall, and been twice
lost, has been again recovered.
A MAN in Griffin, Ga, was bitten by a
snake seventeen years ago, and is still
drinking whisky to cure it,
WHAT is the difference between hang
man and gambler? One ropes people
in, and the other ropes people out.
WHY is a young lady like bill of ex-
change? Because she ought to be settled
when she arrives at the age of maturity.
THE Biggest Grumbler" in Montana
has struck quartz that nets 5000 per ton,
and he growls because it don't go $3.50.
1T was Voltaire who said: ,tIdcas are
like beard men only get them when they
are grown up, and women never have
any"
THERE are four tribes of Indians re-
naming in Delaware, and the aggregate
number of the four is only sixteen per-
sons.
AN irate man who was disappointed in
his boots, threatened to eat up the shoe
maker, but compromised by drinking a
cobbler.
A CITIZEN of Champaign is now living
in house with his fifth wife, seventeen
children, and three mothers law, and
yet he is not happy.
WHAT is the difference between tenant
and the son of widow? The tenant has
to pay rents, but the son of a widow has
not two parents.
A GLASGOW manufacturer has turned
out palanquin umbrella thirty-two feet
in circumference. 1t is designed to keep
the sun off an African chief
Mr.. WALLACE, of Minnesota, dressed
up as an Indian and skulked around q
neighbours house. A doctor shortly after
developed lead-mine on his person.
AMONG the contestants for the first pre-
MUM at the baby show of the New Hamp-
shire State Fair will be pair of colored
twins, both Toys. They are brothers.
A FOND lover who serenaded his lady
the other night in Southern city, was
very wet when he got through-and it
ulul rain lnuCu, elJlcF.
ONE of the English comic papers says
the present rate of taxation there bears
equally on all classes; it hardly presses on
the rich, and presses hardly on the poor.
A NEW ORLEANS juryman was asked
by the Judge if he ever read the papers.
He replied: Eyes, your Honor; but if
you'll let me 90 this time, I'll never do so
any more"
PEORIA has very human dogs or the
newspapers are not to be believed. One
has died of delirium tremens, two of small
pox, one of cerebro-spinal-etc and one
has committed suicide
MAURICE II. RICHARDSON, a Harvard
graduate, recently swan from Falmouth
to Marthas Vineyard, a distance of
seven miles and half, in two hours and
fifty five minutes.
GENTLEMAN reading newspaper, g
day or two ago, asked friend: whats
the meaning of the Bohemian Diet, about
which we hear so much Of late?" Free
lunches" was the reply.
THE girl of this age is unfit to be wed
who don't understand how to make nice,
sweet bread. And the man is Ounce
who partner will take who don't under
stand cooking coffee and steak.
A SHARP Toledo girl said of gentle
man to whom she had just been intro
duced, that he would be very presentable
if the Lord hadn't turned up so much of
his legs to make feet of.
1T is estimated that the number of Ger
| mans who have emigrated to this country
| during the last decade will reach 1 ,000, 900
| 1t is also thought that this number will be
increased during the present decade.
JACK SHEPPARD, at the City Gardens,
San Francisco, successfully accomplished
walking one thousand miles in one thou
! sand consecutive hours, but he suffered
extremely during the latter portion of
| the walk.
HERE is the inscription on tombstone
| in Pennsylvania: ''In memory of Tabi
tha beloved wife of Joseph Wright,
! Thomas Andrews, Eben Halsted, Edward
Murray and Charles Dean, by her devoted
husband, Cyrus Morgan"
THE Mayor of Keokuk recently dis
charged such Of the jail boys as could say
the Lords Prayer. Then a lawyer offered
to bet him five dollars that he couldn't
say it himself. He declined on the
ground that he didn't gamble.
| The famous Libby Prison is now usco
as the factory of the Southern Fertilizine
| Company; and Castle Thunder, used dur
ing the war as a prison for Southern de
serters, has been converted into a tobacco
warehouse and mandatory.
AN elastic apparatus has been lately in
| vented to signal the entry of water by