Richland beacon., 1873-08-30
GLEANINGS AND GOSSIP.

heard vet is tOlu Oh AL oiu Iauy VIM
a quiet passenger on the Hudson RiveI
railroad, bound for Albany. She would
persist in asking the conductor at every
station eff this was Poughkeepsie
The conductor, a "nice." gentlemanly
man. would try and induce her to re-
main in her seat and give herself no
anxiety he would certainly inform her
at the proper time, as Poughkeepsle
was some distance off yet. But the
dear old lady, alarmed at the frequency
of tbe stations and the rapidity with
which persons were stepping on the
train. moved her to rush forward and
ask the conductor "if this station was
not Poughkeepsie. Assured again
that it was not. and that ample notice
wonld be given when the train reached
the depot, the nervous passenger once
more relapsed into passive uncon-
seriousness. At last POughkeepsle was
reached, and the conductor, rushing
into the car, hurried the old lady up by
saving. "Here we are, this is Pough-
keepsie: make haste and get your
things: we are behind time; quick,
now. I" Judge of his surprise when,
with the utmost complacency, this fe-
male passenger, looking over her spec
tacles, replied, "You don't say this IS
Poughkeepsie why, you see Maria she
told me to be sure and take my pill
when I got to Poughkeepsie J!
A Troy, New York, young man saw
n colored woman mounted high upon
ladder washing windows. AS good
Joke he shook and kicked the ladder.
The woman failed to appreciate this
mark of attention, and empt, ing her
pail of water over the young man, she
dropped the pail square on his head.
These efforts, however, brought disaster
upon herself, for down she came, ladder
and all, square upon the young man,
and they rolled together into the gutter.
Gaining her feet, she slapped that mans
face all over with her wash-rag. At last
the young man got away. Ii was OBJ
served that though he looked funnier,
he did not appear to be quite as funny
in spirit as he was before he saw the
colored woman.
A certain political speaker closed
nm address in behalf of his party with
the following peroration: I" Build a
worm fence around the winters supply
of summer weather skim the clouds
from the skv with a teaspoon; catch
thunderbolt in bladder break hur-
ricane to harness ground-sluice an
earthquake lasso an avalanche pin
napkin on the crater of a volcano hive
all the stars in a nail-keg; hang the
ocean on grapevine to dry; put the
sky to soak in q gourd !; unbuckle the
belly-band of eternity, and paste TO
Let on the sun and moon but never,
sir, never for moment delude yourself
with the idea that any ticket or party
can beat our candidate.
NEAT TURN.-Hannah T. Gould, one
of the Essex county, Massachusetts,,
group of writer's, now dead more than
than twenty years ago. satirized her
friend and ncighbor, Caleb Gushing,
with this epitaph:
Lie aside, all We dead,
For in the next bed
Reposes the body of Cushing.
He has crowded his way
Through the world, they say,
And. even though dead, will be pushing.
But Gushing as happily turned the
tables, thus:
Here lies whose wit.
without wounding could hit
And green grows the grass that's above her.
Having cent every beau
To the regions below,
She has gone down herself for lover.
This story is told of a woman who
freely used her tongue to the scandal of
others, and confessed to the priest what
she had done. He gave her a ripe
thistle top, and told her to go out IL
various directions and scatter the seeds,
one by one. Wondering at the pen
ance. she oheyed, and returned and
told her confessor. To her amazement,
he told her to 60 back and gather the
scattered seeds; and when she objected
that it would be impossible, he replied
that it would still be more difficult to
gather up and destroy all the evil re-
ports which she had circulated about
others.
The following pathetic lines are
supposed to have emanated from the
obituary genius of the Philadelphia
Ledger:
The death angel smote Alexander McGlue,
And gave him protracted repose;
He wore a checked shirt and number nine shoe,
And he had pink wsrt on his nose.
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
Over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends informed that his funeral takes place
Precisely at q quarter past four"
BY the aid of the pancreas taken
from kittens and puppies, an italian
physician claims to have determined
that the pancreatic juice of all young
animals, including babes, is like the
saliva, incapable of converting starch
into sugar. Should these conclusions
be Just. it is at once apparent that all
starchy food should be withheld from
young infants.
italian wit is highly dramatic, spon-
taneous, genial. Among its proverbs
are: "The dog earned his living by
wagging his tall" Make yourself all
honey and the flies will devour it.
"The smiles of pretty woman are the
tears of the purse" "He who takes ar
eel by the tail, or a woman by thu
tongue, is sure to come off empty
handed"
A Milwaukee servant girl, who's,
lover insisted upon an early day for til,
wedding, had gathered togethel
eighteen towels, fifty napkins, twent,
sheets, three quilts, seven dresses ant
several other articles. She was JUS
getting away with a cooking-stove ani
grand piano when arrested.
If there is room for one more il
that balloon of the Graphic's there is
young man in Danbury who can fill it
He lives opposite us and plays An accor
deon. He might object to running tn,