The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1873-10-30

They'll ''go for hiIn' certain and surely,
From The Jockey to priestin gown =
And all stand ready &c. '.snub'' him,
i And kick him because he is down. .
MY WIFaE's BRIDAL TOUR.
BY NOSE SKINNER.
When 1 married my second wife,
she was dreadful sot about going off
on bridal tour. I told her she had
better wait six months or a year and
I'd try to go with her, but she said
she'd ratherg0 alone-when a woman
was travelling man was an out-and-
out humbng, -.
So 1 gave her seventy-fve cents,
and told her to go out and have a
good time. never begrudge money
when my wife'sl happiness is concern
ed. My first wife never could COM
plain of not going anywhere, for Pm
dreadful fierce to go of on a good
time myself, and always was. / don't
pretend to say how many times Itook
her out to see the engine squirt-and
there was no end to the free lectures
I let her go to. The neighbors used
to say: at does beat ali how them
SINNERS do gol"
When Signor Blitz was inISIunk-
vile with his wonderful canaries, he
gave my wife complimentary ticket
Enot only sold that ticket for my wife
but gave her half the money. Idon't
boast of 1t though; only mention it
to show how much l thought of my
Wife's happiness. Y'"f =
= I don't think.any man ought to get
married till he can consider his wife's
happiness only second to his own.
John Wise, a neighbor of mine, did
thusfy, and when | got married con-
cluded I'd do like Wise,
But the plan didn't work inthe case
of my second wife. No, I should say
not. broached. the subject very
kindly.
"Matilda," said, stI suppose you
are aware that am now your lord
and MASTER"
"Not much you ain, "said she.
Mrs. Skinner" replied, Tyou are
fearfully demoralized, You need re-
organizing at once. You are cranky" ("
And 1 brandished my new sixty-two
cent umbrella wildly about her..
She took the umbrella from me and
locked me up in the clothes. press.
I am QUICK to draw an Inference,
and the inference, l drew here was
THAI was not a success az a reorgan-
izer of female women.
After this i changed my tactics Il
let her have her own way, and the
plan worked like a charm. from the
very first. Its the best way, of man
aging a wife. I know of. OF course
this is between you and me.
So when my wife said she was
bound to go off on bridal tour any
way, cordially assented.
'fGo, Matilda = said I, "and stay as
long as you want to; then, if you feel
as though you would like to stay q
little while longer, stay, my dear,
stay"
She told me to stop talking and go
up stairs and get her red flannel night
cap, and that bag Of penny-royal for
her aunt Abigail.
My wife is q very smart woman.
She was q Baxter, and the Baxters are
very smart family indeed. Her
mother, who is goingion eighty, can
fry more fapjacks now. than half the
pinked up city girls, who rattle on the
piano, or else walk the streets with
their furbelows and fXings, pretend
ing to get mad if a young chap looks
at 'em pretty hard, but getting mad in
earnest if they don't take any notice
of them at all.
3 Ahl girls amt what they used to
bewhen was young, and the fellows
are worse still. When l went court
ing, for instance, never thought of
staying till after 10 o'clock, and only
went twice q. week. Now they go
seven nights in a week and cry be-
cause there ANT eight. Then they
write touching notes to each other
during the day. Dear George, do
you love me as much as you did at a
quarter past twelve last night j? Say
You do, dearest, and it will give me
courage to go down to dinner and
tackle those cold beans, left over from
yesterday" as - tasleaol. 9is5e
wv ell, well, I suppose they enjoy
themselves, and il amt for us old folks
whose hearts have got alittle callonsed
by long wear to interfere. Let them
get together and court IF they like it,
and I think they do.aI was forty
seven when courted my second wife
but it seemed just as nice to sit on a
little cricket at her feet; and Glet her
smooth my hair. as it did thirty years
ago. .t45 80 2sta - %
Il AS SdlU DOIOIO, HI WAAO 40 q tOA J
smart woman, but she couldn't be
anything else and be a Baxter. She
used to give lectures on woman's
rights and in one place where she
lectured big college conferred the
title of l.. L. D.. upon her. But she
wouldn't take it.. HNo, gentlemen, .
said she, "give it to the poor" She
was always so charitable. She gave
my boys permission to go barefoot all
winter, and insisted on it so much in
a kind way that they conldn't refuse,
+ She fairly dotes on my children, and
I'Ve seen her many time go to their
trousers pockets and take out theiI
pennies after they had got to sleep
and put them in her bureau drawer
for fear they might lose them.
started to tell you about my wife:
bridal tour, but the fact is, 1 never
could find out much about it myself
l believe she had good time. She
came back improved in health, and
found out before she had heen in the
house twenty-four hours, that she'd
gained in strength also. don't say
how Ifound out. l simply say found
it out. .s7toa il
In conclusion, would say to al
young men; Marry your second wifi
I first, and keep out of debtlby al
means even If Won have to bOrreU