The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-05-17
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Out here, country surgeons, "HcH tihi's CIV
healthy and surgical instruments in pawn FOR
board do some very neat jobs Of amputating with
a cross.cut saw and clever.
A woman in Gardiner, Me, weighs sixty-fvc
pounds less than she did before the surgeons re,
moved her from tumOr on when she hhd
Erown.-EI.
In case OF woman weighing only y pounds
such an operation would leave her fighting
weight the same as when she began life.
Chicago paper tells story of real life thus;
Because she did not have boiled cabbage for
dinner, last Thursday, Peoria husband wouldn !
speak to his wife all the rest of the day, stayed
out all night and took his meals down town
next day; and for the next week he had boiled
cabbage three times day"
The old woman is bound to sicken him on
cabbage
A Dubuque testator formally gave, devised and
beQueathed his wearing apparel 10 ms Wiic lOr
the reason that she had been accustomed to wear
EN- during her married life.-Er.
We need not do even as much, When We come
to die we shan't have any wearing apparel TO
give TO any one
The Jackson (Tenn) Wig and Tribune tells of
woman who sent her husband to buy jug OF
molasses. He got drunk and fetched home the
Jug filed with whisky. She took it up, smclt it,
ret it back, and then. squaring hnrsclf, arms
skimbo, and eyes flashing, she exclaimed, "Wher's
them molassest" The old man smiled and wink
cd pleasantly, and, waving his left had propita-
tinglv, exclaimed: "Them's they" He is con
yalescent, but the jug is hopclcssly derangcd.
A Kansas district school was recently visited
an addressed by Meesrs. Big Mouth, Powder
Face and Spotted Wolf, all the noblcst kind of
noble red men. A mischiey0us school boy placed
pin trap where Big Mouth sat down, and that
chicftain was observed to rise hastily and remark:
Ugh too much fee bite. Me no stay to hear
class in Analytical Geology" Then he left.
The cid girls of the Bay State who have not
secured mates, have pcttioncd the Legislature
for the Introduction of polygamy into that state.
So long as they can't have an entire man OF their
own, they are willing to accept fraction OF one. !
Here is a rich field for Henry Ward Beechcr.
Mary's little sheep is beginning to bleat once
more among the newspapers. Here is one effort:
Mary had a little lamb
With heas upon its hide;
This spring it followed her to school
And took a cold and died
Inc oregon ItClOTNF iuVtTllbcb IOI u plII
wanted" A good many girls around Ottawa
would advertise for "boy wanted" If by this
means they could secure one Of the right size.
Morrison bride woke up in the night short |
time ago. and aroused the neighborhood with her |
shrieks when she found q man beside her. She
forgot she was married, and took John for a
burglar.-Journal
Had the devil tried to tempt Eve with such
looking apples as are now offered for sale at our
irut stores, the ladies would not be so perplexed
about spring clothing, and would not give fix
leRf for the latest styles.-E2.
Iowa has discovered another natural soap de-
post, which II is proposed to use wholly for ex
pOrtatiOn.-EI.
That's the trouble with those Iowa chaps-they
never use any Of that stuff at home.
A divorce cannot be obtained in Japan even II
the husband has not one hair on his head-E1.
Bald headed married men seldom immigrate to
that hcathenish land. They come to America to |
seek happiness.
We exhibited the following, in an exchange, to
one Of our new justices of the peace, with the
mark that we thought it would fit him The
other justice is said to have said-said he, spit
ting out quid Of tobacco, and taking a fresh
one: "lhayent been Judging great while, but
think can snatch justice bald headed as well
IS any on EN-"
The new justice says If We ever dare to enter
lis court that he will commit us for contempt
A careful observer has noticed that young
ladies with new solitaire diamond rings never re.
quire much urging to play the piano. And are
not the best players either. Those whose minds
run to diamond rings, seldom make good piano
ringers.
Bent, Of the Morrison Sentinel, rejoices as
follows:
we have moved, and are now located In Mo-
shers building. The stove pipe is all Matched
our fingers are recovering, and we can wear a
soft shoe on our bruised toes. Our temper is as
placid as usual, therefore we feel that we can |
again receive company. Come in" /
A Florida man has killed 900 alligators since
.hc middle Of December and he didn't deign to q
look at anything less than eight feet lOng-E1 I
It strikes US that the above allegation is false,
and that the alligator knew it.
1t is a curious fact that the farmer of Illinois or
Missouri must sell two bushels of ripe corn to
1uy q can OF sweet corn put up green and hold.
ny less than one quart.-Er.
How does this apply to the question of corn in
he juice?
Wanted-A needle TO sew patch on the pants
Of a tired dog.
Why not get blacksmith to ,rcid that IRE, or a
tailor who can make suspeed,rs for dogs ponts'
Danbury man who has been visiting at a
place where the cemetery is provided with many
vaults, is very much pleased with the idea, as 1t
enables a man to visit his own grave and weep.
As a worthy member of the Farmers Club We
nave been busily engaged the past week. in har-
yesting our last years crops OF weeds The Weld L
large and the profits small We have conclu.
ded 10 rotate" and plant our garden in croquet
his season,-tEHt0n Register.
We never rotate, nor put any other sort of
.~ters in ours. We never fail on gympsan weeds.
thcy are sure crop.
Concerning the refusal of the Supreme Court
% allow Myra Bradwcll To talk in the law courts
Of Illinois, the Louisville u-jerJo,y1al saws:
An order Of the Supreme Court can tie up some
-hlngs, but wpman's tongue isn't one Of them
Colored sereradcrs, down in Georgia, MARBLE