South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-11-28

ing OF all bystsnders, ''Its no use to try him.
Jim, he can't read
rS> youth Of the period, while reading
chapter of Genesis, paused TO ask his mother
whether the boys in that time used TO do their
sums on the ground. II was discovered that he
had been reading the passage, land the sons of
men multiplied on the face of the earth"
1s- The COngregationaiist has seen this item
in q late invoice Of fashionable New York furni-
turs Elegantly upholstered kneeling benches
for the weary and heavy laden"
ST The rallying cry in Kansas upon which
newspapers of divers views are unanimous is
Let no man be elected to Office who owes over
h's years subscription to a local paper"
~ Somebody in q Georgia Court "applaud-
ed" whsrsupon the Judge 1--WE quote from the
Griffin Ners) Indignantly remarked "Now, dry
that up; will let you know this Is no niece
ing for sxuberating your enthusiasm this urt
shall be respected at the risk of outragjng the
18th commandment TO the constitution, and if
you open your Hy-trsp or pat .a-pat with them
number fourteen brogans Of yours again will
send you to Jail for thirty days where you will
sque injuria -
@- The Lawrence Kansas, Tribune, edited
by an ex-Boston clergyman, calls brother Of
the Leavenworth Tiwes hoary headed old hook
nosed devil.
TEA youth of Salisbury, four years DID, and
his young sister, saw rat hasten into a hole in
barn floor. Said he, Sis, the Bible says
watch and pray ); you pray while watch the
hole and I'll swat him the snoot when
lie comes out"
5sS- Step in, step ia said Chatham street
dealer to n countryman 'the cheapest goods in
the market" Have you any fine shirts ?'' said
the countryman. "a splendid assortment, sir"
"Are they clean ?" ''Of course, sir; clean, to
be sure" "Then, said the countryman grave
ly, ''you had better put one on, for yon need itp
The CAPTAIN AND HIS GEEsE.-One of our old
whaling captains, who had spent the whole prime
of his life boX-hauling from Cape Horn TO Hams
chatka, with but Indifferent success, having
scraped together some FIVE or six thousand dol
lars, retired from the sea, moved cup country"
with his family and bought sma II farm.
Like many others of his class, a few years suf-
feed TO swamp his capital, and he died misera-
bly, poor. But that is anticipating ma tiers, and
has nothing to do with the anecdote.
One Of his country neighbors said to him, soon
after he settled on the farm
Captain X, you We got a nice pond on your
place, and you ought TO have good large flock
of geese. It's a grand place to keep EN-, and
they'll be profitable TO you"
Well reckon they will said the captain
i've got some nice ones to sell ye," contn-
ued the kind neighbor. "You come over and
pick EN- out yourself"
So the captain selected n suitable number
making his choice as he would among school
Of whales when drought to" or, as boy
would from basket of apples
In the spring following he happened TO be Wis
iting u; The farm Of another neghbor and, a.
mong other things, inspected the geese, making
comparisons in his mind highly favorable to his
own judgment.
"Dont think your birds are so handsome as
mime he remarked. Do you have any eggs
YETI"
oh yes They have been laying freely for
this month or more"
"Wel, don't know how It's, said Captain
X. ''Pve got the handsomest flock that I've
seen anywhere this season-picked em out, one
by one, from neghbor Jones stock, and
feed EN- high, too. But not an egg have they
laid yet. ] only wish you would come over
and see EN-. Perhaps you can give idea
how to manage en-"
His friend did "come over and see en-, the
next day, and as soon as he could speak for
laughter, he enlightened the ancient mariner ns
10 the cause of their non prod ucti,eness by in
forming him that they were-aH gandersi
Jones had sold both Captain X and the birds
and it was by series of little speculations and
plumbers that his hard earning were fooled away
in q few farming campaigns.
~ Says the Detroit Free Press. In the Po-
lice Court the other day when man was about
20 be tried Tor assault and battery, he brought
forward his boy, ten years old, ms a witness -
The Justice asked the lad IL be knew the nature
% an OATH and the boy said his father had ex-
planned it. "Whst did re say 20 asked the JUS
tice. Gle said replied the boy, "thot If
didn't swear that the other fellow struck first
bed tan the whole hide or my back. lie WASH t
used on the stand
EzrBig rufrs around the girrs uccks,
make EN- look like pigeons.