The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1873-02-13
SHAVINGS.

wanted "a line strong enough to catch por-
p0ise y
A country paper has this delicate personal item !;
ssTbose who know nice old Mr.. Wilson, of this
Mace. personally, will regret to hear that he was
assaulted IN brutal manner last week. but was
not killed !"
When Rachel, the great French tzagedienne, saw
her sister, who was somewhat stout, dressed for
cha part of sheperdess, her comment was, "Sa-
rah, dear, You look like shepherdess who had
lust dined on her flock !" l.ar.lts ss
wroper Warning A placard IL the window OF
patent medicine vender, in the Rue ST. Honore'
Paris, reads as follows 1.-THE public are reques-
ted not to mistake this shop for for that OF
another quack just opposite y
Common sense-On retiring from business,
wise old man said to his son and successor, NOW
my boy. remember that common-sense Is the
best thing you can bring to bear on every affair
OF life except love making"
Henry VIII after the death Of Jane Seymour
had some difficulty to get another wife. Ills ,nrSI
offer was to the Duchess OF Milan but her an
swer was, 'she had but one head; if she had
TWO, one should have been at his service !?
It is recorded of vcnison and turtle fed alder
man that ON being irnportuned for aims by a star
wing woman in the street, he exclaimed, "Go
away. my good woman you don't know how
YOU distress me. I'd give ten pounds to have
your appetizer
A gentleman ofChesterfed, who had missed ais
umbrella for some time, day or two ago found it
IN q conspicuous place on his premises with the
following inscription pinned upon it: "This um-
brelar as prade hon my konshens ever sin stole
it.--W.
'Tobacco dances are the last thing in Virginia"
says Yankee paper. I'VE remember attending a
tobacco d tnce twenty years ago, when our father
caught Us smoking 8 cheap cigar in the back
gardens. st. Vitus never began to step so lively
as we did -
An eccentric old gentleman, being waited upon
with his surgeons pill, cogitated some time over
contents, and then desired the man who called
with it TO tell his master that the medicine he
would certainly pay for butas for the Visits, he
should return them!
Cuff, you zee dem two ladies OBJ colour cross
de street dare 81 eyes, l see de dear angels,
Pompey" well, don't dey look 'mazing like
one another ~ Dat berry true; I gibbs you
credit for your nice demonstration dey do ma
zinglY 'zembie one anoder, specially de one on
dis side.''
Graphic and Paragraphic.-Among the clever
hits of the paragraphing Of the period the follsw
Ing Is quite the oest: "Elias williams, of Buffa
10, Missouri, blew into the muzzle OF his gun to
SEQ If 1t was loaded. Could Mr.. Williams csmmu-
would gently whisper, 1T was "
A Cabby's Refection.-A philosophical cabman
thus speaks of the section ever which his wheels
make their tracks ''If you run over youngster
down here said ne, 1.-THE folks don't say nothin'
kase they have got more children and no Will tiles
ror EN- but you jist run over a goat or kid, or
sow or pig, and blest If mob amt after ysu in
two minits ~
Well Educated. A young lady whO had just re
turned from the Continent advises her friends no
to go there unless you are sure that you know
enough 10 appreciate the beauties of the Cont
nent- 1t lends such charm to italy to remem
Der that among hese 81 owes of olive the immor
tai Beethoven sculpured the Medicean Venus, anc
Shakespeare composed the sublime poem o
Paradise Lostr'
traveller domiciling at an American hotel
exclaimed one morning to the waiter, what are
you about, you black rascal .? You have reused
me t"'c from my sleep by telling me breakfast IS
ready, and now you are attempting to strip OF thc
bed clothes. What do you mean ?" "Why," re.
piled Pompey, IF you isn't goin' to get up, ]
must hab de sheet anyhow because deyr waitIa
for de big white table clof.''
Charles Lamb gave some advice about making
speeches which might be applied with advantage
to other occasions. He says speaker should not
attempt to express too much. but should leave
something to the imagination of his audience !;
and he tells how, being called on to return thanks
Tor toast tohis health he rose, bowed to his au
dience, said, Gentlemen" and then sat down,
leaving tito their imagination to supply the
rest
Eat your bread, Charles Charles, DO not fling
II away" said a learned good Judge to one Of his
family, the other day. adding, "ior who knows, In
tae yicissitudes Of this life, if you may not some
dag want it p The old gentleman had TO cough
Sook learned, and 60 away, when his youpgster
answered, more logically than his parent, sIf
cat II, how can have 1t when want it - This q
the result OF a Judge having children
The other day two Highland drovers arrived at
Aeith in the boat. and when travelling up to Edin
burg were ovel taken by ore of the new steam ON .
nibuses out on trial. AZ the two drovors had
never before seen carriages impeled by any other
power than horse, they stood lost in wonderment
for time as the engine pulled smoothly past.
BLESS me Donald, did you ever see the likes O.
before There is ia coach run ava frae ia horse
Bun, run, Donald like good lad an FRIGHT him
back again I"
AJudge, on passing sentence ofdeath upon an