Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1873-03-13


"starved starved, and yet my boarding
house filled with hash and the cellar most abun
dantly supplied with beans. These being al
food. alas, unon which we msy count with Ger
tainty. Perhaps the starved man had these
things but would touch them not. Perhaps his
proud soul refused the monotony OF beans. the
want of variety and reliability In hash. Fer
haps he persisted in the midst Of abundance
Who can tell: All, who! We have, ourselves
been often tempted TO stand this culinary crime
no longer. Men must cut this out and send TO
landlady.)"
He seldom misses a food item, how
ever short:
Jackson. Miss. has had shower OF fish,
Or:
at I, reported that there are eight thousa nd
| undivided portsr-house and runp steaks on the
hoof coming Eastward from Texas
One Of them mixed up his feelings
for the sex with his appreciation OF
food as follows:
"Ah. my ladies' lips are the glowing gaiew ay
OF pork and potatoes. Why notf
Weather reports often appear in the
reporters notebook. but it is not often
that he mixes it up with religion, as in
! TINS OBSERVATION
The rain OF to-day came very opportun,
and msny thanked heaven " no never did such
thing before. AMI never will again nnril more
/ hot weather comes
Another mikes it up with business !:
"A rain, a rain. give us y rain. We don't
want itpcrsonay, hut the farmers DO, and they
/ owe the publisher, money. and publis shcr owes.
/ Ihai's how itis.'
Here is 4 man who puns on the suo-
ject:
! The Lord rains let the earth rejoice
Accidents are told in variety of
ways. The most popular style seems
to be the most laconic:
"A Chicago man found a chunk Of something
/ that shut of hi- wind in the hash the other
morning, aud now sleeps in the valley"
Another:
"A man named Kellogg. full Of curiosity. in
! terNiewed buzz saw in "A stIve factory at In
dianapoli-. just To see whether IL was going
/ The saw was hellogged but moment"
How is this "for short:
'Mrs. Msria Framley gave up the bad habit
Of using kerosene for kindling fires on Thur>-
day last
Here is a longer one:
"A little Kansas girl who bull, iirc in her
iaih"rs barn, and found If getting beyond her
control. FASTENED TO hide " hat she had done by
covering it with boards. The motive was par
donabe. perhaps. but the result wa, not salts
factory.
This one is little sarcastic, and
sounds note of warning:
THE fact that John >eigler'> gun was loaded
3 " he in he L.. a..ll k.t,
mel back with hi toe, was Of no practical yal-
ne TO him he did not live long enough TO
reap any desirable fruit from the discovery
lie is also sarcastic in stating the
price of Saratoga board:
boosting in Saratoga cloihes-pre-s will
I cost 80 day thi. summer
The reporter Is sometimes obliged to
be complimentary where it "goes
against him." In these cases he is apt
to put it on a little heavy. For in
/ stance
THE walkers in the procession timed their
steps to the dulcet notes Of the mellow drum"
He would gladly have said band
of music, but that would have been too
/ i'iSSS VI
Here is a pretty good description of
an attempt at larceny:
John Ryan. passing a Canal street trunk
| store eooly shouldered one OF the show trunks
and walked of. He had neglected TO notice
| that il WAS chained fast, and after taking few
steps il was jcrked of bringing him on hI.
back. A policeman helped him up
This one hints darkly at an inter
view of the practical kind:
The Chicago reporter who. armed with 3
ladder. attempted to interview Long John
Wentworth as TO the truth Of the statement
that Horace Greeley once called him "A muck
minded, slovenly cross between yam and i
cylinder press is slowly recovering from hi
injuries. He says what John told him is unf
for publication
The reporter does not like the vani.
ty in clothes, and seldom misses al
occasion to remove any exuberance Of
sartorial pride that may come under
his notice. Referring TO a particular
ly vain parsonage, he describes as fol
lows an imaginary accident which has
beiallen him:
''Mr. - lately sought to remove greas
spot from his coat tail by the free use of ben
zinc, and then stood close TO the stove that th
odor might eyaporaie more quickly. He wa
quite correct in his theory bnt unfortunate i
, his practice, for he was soon turning cart
wheels through the window, and there wa
not enough coat-tail left to make a 'weskit' 70
doll baby. He does not ride horseback now
and sleeps on all fours like u mule.'
. He blunders often. We will indl
i cate one or two. to show the kind O
; errors which are most likely to pefal
E him in his rapid work.
"A probably fatal homicide occurred la.
! night in s. street, the man was mOrtall
wounded and is likely to die.r
Another reporter insists upon
that:
.Two stray cows were fined 81 each"
Bnt does not say whether they pal
the fine or were admitted to bail
Neither of these were so bad as tbs
of the Ohio reporter, with whose e,
, traordinary blunder we will close til
further consideration, for the presen
. of the Peculiarities of Reporters. A
: NJ. C. recently in debate shouted "An
70 icus Plato, amicus Socrates, sed majt
. Veritas." The reporter next mornin
made his speech read,
h. II may cuss Plato. may euss socrste
v. said Major yeritas.'
rt
10
o. Twenty-Five ladies of Savona. v
ne lage i'm Steuben county, lately unde
al took to break up billiard room
IA ,o;og fh;thar nth fhn;r Knitting n,