Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-01-16
PHUNNYGRAMS.

-"Ere Tonga donkey.
An Essay on Mana woman's at
tempt to marry him.
When a maus necktie is united, how
untidy he looks!
People who sell hay do business On
large SCALE"
Farmers are like fowls-neither will
get full crops without industry
-Professor-s'DidB Ben. Johnson sur
vive Shakespeare" Junior-''Yes, sir,
in some respects. NASSAU Lit.
1t is stated as Neurological fact
that the milk of a young cow is apt to be
foaming. Which is highly probable, as
the creature is naturally heifervescent.
my DEAR" said the sentimental Mrs.
Waddles, "home, you know, is always
the dearest spot on earth" ''Well, yes"
said the practical Mr. Waddles, " it does
cost me about twice as much as any other
spot"
-"What is the matter with you, Uncle
Toby? What makes you walk so lame?"
swell, jined temperance society bout
month ago, and have drank nothing but
water since, and ] spect it's got into my
jints and kinder rusted 'em."
-"Where are the men Of '76?" shouted
Newtown orator the other evening.
dead, ;" responded a sad looking man in
the middle aisle. The Newtown orator
was surprised at the intelligence of his
audience.
"A member Of the history class in a
large school near Springfield, Mass, re-
Gently closed recital of the pioneer work
of Columbus by saying that che did not
know the vast Importance and magni-
tude of his discoveries until after his
death"
1t is a notable fact that the giants
who travel with shows are universally
good-natured fellows. The theory in &C
counting for this is doubtless that they
rarely lose their temper, because it would
be SO much trouble; one of them would
have to use ladder to "get on his ear"
-Emmeline-''Dearm me, that is charm
ing song it's quite new to me g.! Have
you ever heard it before, Algy ?" Alger-
non-'Yaas, think / have-one of Ar
thur Sullivan's, I Notwithstanding
about Ies-The snow-white lies or The
white snow lies, or The snow lies white
| DON'T recollect which, and it's all the
same -
The mineral resources of Missouri
have hardly begun to be developed. A
citizen of Gyascutis County writes that
he has discovered leather mine on his
land. He hasn't dug into it yet but the
outcrop of several bOot-legs on a side
hill convinces him Of the richness of the
interior. He is willing to sell or to lease
the land, or will sink the shaft if he can
get anybody to lend him one.
There is one boy in Danbury who
didn't get anything 10 his stocking Christ
mas. He left a pan of ashes on the
front stairs, to follow an organ grinder,
and a moment later his indulgent father
came crashing out of the front door and
down the front stOop accompanied by
that pan and it's contents, looking, for all
the world like real god riding in the
clouds. For few minutes that boy
thought he had a pile driver for an ances-
tor. A Chicago boy, who undertook a
similar exploit, was differently rewarded.
He got his fathers stocking, with his
fathers leg in it.
"A visitor in Philadelphia wonders if
the publication of jokes is prohibited by
law in that city. Probably not, and for
the same reason that there is no law
against water flowing up hill or people
walking on their heads. The other day
some wit asked a Philadelphia what was
the original pen wiper. He gave it up, Of
course. Conundrums do not grow in
that city. at was PENIS pocket-hand-
kerchief," replied the wit. "You cannot
make me believe that William Penn used
to wipe his quill with his handkerchief"
retorted the Philadelphia, with consid-
cradle feeling. A law to suppress joking
among such population would he as
useless as q statute against dancing in
hospital of CriDDleS -GOlf7en iOP