davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
an amusiag gtory.
From Woods Household Magazine.
JOHN STEPHENS PERICARDIUM
BY ELEANOR KIRK.


Now I am going To tell ven ins'
what my husband said to inc tbs morn.
ing, Doctor, word for word, and thk
invalid, Mrs. Stephens, lay back again
on the sofa pillows, the very picture Of
misery. The family physician, who
was called, on an average, to the Ste
phens mansion three hundred and six
ty times a year, drew a chair close to
the couch, and waited quietly for his
patient to open her book Of complaints
LAST night, you see, Doctor, / had
an i'll turn, and he wanted to come fo1
you; but when I got SO that he dared
to leave me, he concluded then we'd
better let you sleep"
ssMuch obliged to him." said the
Doctor, with q little sarcastic emphasis
on the personal pronoun. .Last night
was the first undisturbed nights rest
| have enjoyed for week"
Mrs. Stephens continued: This spell
was the Same as had the last time you
were sent for, Doctor"
"a slight nervous attack" broke in
the physician, nothing more"
HWell, it don't make any difference
what you call it, it was mighty hard
to bear; but let me tell you what my
husband said first, Doctor, before we
go into symptoms. When he was go
ing down to breakfast, he says to me,
Kate, what shall | send you up?'
"Says 7, I don't want anything in
the world but a good strong cup of tea.
Tell Bridget to send it up in the little
teapot IsaW, Doctor, that he didn't
move after | said this, so Iturned and
looked up at him, and such picture
of rage and disgust / never saw in my
Life. Finally, says he, Tea! tea! tea!
fits nothing but tea from morning. till
night. Kate, says he, you are the
color or 2 abhlnaman now. Why don't
you order q good piece Of beefsteak, and
a slice. Of .brown bread, and cup Of
chocolate; that would be a sensible
break&astF.
"<Bat, John, says ], you forget that
am sick and have no appetite Twas
all ready to cry, but I was determined
that he shouldn't have the satisfaction
Of seeing the tears fall.
MForget, says he; forgeta wish
to Heaven / could forget! It's moth
ing but grunt and groan from one
years end to the other! I hare lost
all patience with you, says he. when
we lived IN part Of house, and you
did your own houseWork, You were as
well and happy as anybody, and nc
man ever had pleasanter little home
Than John Stephens; but what have
now to leave, or come back TOP and
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
PER ANNUM In ADVANCE.
The Late DR.. Nelatori.

The Paris correspondent of a medi-
cal journal gives pleasant remin-
iscence of the celebrated DR.. Nealton,
physician to the late Emperor, whose
death was recently announced by ca
BILE:
GAS passed into the hall I heard
ggoans, evidently of achild in great
pain, the door leading to the sick ward
war ajar, and | heard the voice of a
man talking earnestly with a little
sufferer. There was something very
affecting in the imploring tones of the
childs's voice and the tender and sym
pathizing replies ofthe physician, and
it seemed to me not wrong to witness
unseen, through the crack of the half
open door, the scene that was passing
within. On a narrow pallet near the
window lay a fine boy, nine or ten years
old, dying of cancer, developing itself
between the eyes and behind the nose.
1t had not shown itself externally, but
had destroyed the sight, and was at
tended by excruciating suffering. By
his side sat stately white e-haired man,
holding with one hand the two of the
little patient, while with the other he
smoothed his hair. The
child told the story of his pain, AA. ie
SQUIRE tapt! 90! suffer SO much J,
to which the old man listened patient
ly, promisinget to devise some relief
Then he rose to leave, but first bent
over the boy, and with tears dropping
from his eyes, kissed his forehead as
lovingly as q mother. The white hair
ed man was the. world-renowned Nela-
ton." S
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

last words; the mans eyes grew lumi
nous, and his whole face declared tha
he considered himself master Of ths
situation; and if Mrs. Stephens had
not been SO entirely taken up with hel
own ailments, mental and physical
that honest countenance would have
betrayed him.
"You say" he began, settling him
self in the large easy chair, and assum-
| ing a strictly professional air, sthaj
your husband has nothing to trouble
him but your health; how doJou know
that, Mrs. Stephens %
eHow? why how do I know any
thing? By the evidence of my senses
Don't ! know that John Stephens has
a splendid business that looks after it.
self, magnificent income, and money
enough to live on the bare interest, as
we'll as family need to live, if he never
entered his office again while he has
breath ?"
"But money isn't everything, Mrs.
Stephens, . proceeded the physician,
with calmness almost mephistophe-
liam. "There are other troubles be-
side money troubles. How abouthealtb,
madam? ?"
Health ?' repeated the lady with a
smile, she intended to be sarcastic to
the last degree. aHealth? DR.. Ellis
Why, there ism ia healthier or a asound-
er man than my husband in the whole
United States. He eats more in one
meal than I do in three months
"There is nothing the matter with
your husbands stomach, Mrs. Steph-
ems"
DIR. Ellis shaded his face with his
hand and waited further developments
Mrs. Stephens mistook this attempt al
forced concealment for emotion, and
Immediately assumed sitting posture
brushed her hair away from her fore
head and looked piercingly into hel
companions face.
"Why do you accent the word 'stom-
ach' SO strongly, DR.. Ellis ?" she. in
quired in anxious tones. Mrs. Steph-
ems was forgetting herself, and this tht
Doctor hailed as an excellent omen.
.Only that I might make you IN
lderstana that mans digestion could
be most unexeeptionable, and yet ht
be far from sound in other directions.
'sThen You mean to tell me that my
husband is sick?'
Il do"
"Perhaps you will go still further
and say dangerously"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
p0etrg.
From the Aldine for October.
1.-THE FOREST SPRING.

/.
Tall, arching birches toward the sky
Their leafy branches rear ON high;
They roof me OF er with living green,
With riffs of azure in between,
Where feecy clouds in quiet lie.
Upon the MOSES velvet seat
pause to rest my weary feet,
And STOPPING downward to the rill,
My followed hands with water fill,
And quaf the liquid pure and sweet.
Low bending Ger the sparkling spring,
] hear the water-spirits sing;
Their merry games | see, perchance,
Or watch them in their fairy dance,
Unseen of all the sportive ring.
see them hide among the weeds,
Or pelt each other with the seeds;
Or launching in an acorn boat,
Upon the mimic ocean float
And climb the rigging of the reeds.
I hear the thrush's tenor deep
Its music almost makes me weep,
Recalling as it does to me
Full many a pleasant memory,
That passing years had lulled to sleep,
Poor, troubled singer, seek thy rest,
cannot aid thy lonely quest.
For thee and me, perhaps, is grief,
But lapsing years may bring relief,
And may be what we have is best.
II.
Once more to aid my noon-tide dream
pause beside the murmuring stream,
Where rippling shadows interlace
Upon its bright and dimpled face,
And pebbles from the bottom CLEAN.
The water-sprites no longer play
On lily-pads their quaint croquet,
For gazing down into the deep
find them lying there asleep,
With weeds tucked round each little fay.
But wakeful faces still I see
Upturned to take peep at me,
Surprised to note so strange thing
Reflected in their quiet spring,
And wondering what the form can be.
Sleep, fays, in peacel O do not fear
That will harm your streamlet dear;
Pourout, O thrush, your glorious strait
love thee, and I'll come again
The spring to see-thy song to hear
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
Save Money.

1t is well worth saving, and you can
save it by buying a Sewing Machine,
and get one of the best and most per-
feet machines in existence. The Elias
Howe Sewing Machine has reached a
point of excellence and perfectness e.
|qualled by no machine in use, and the
constantly and rapidly increasing de-
mand which is almost beyond their
manufacturing capacity to supply, is
convincing evidence that the merits Of
this machine are being appreciated by
the public. Moreover, it is sold at a
moderate price and on easy terms. are
The Southern people should bear in
mind that many machines are soldsi In
the South at an GJ0aaace price of Jff-
teen dollars over New York prices
Call and see the "Howe." !" JOSEPH L.
BALLS, Port Tobacco.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

e@A courteous man often succeeds
inlife, when persons Of greater ability
fail The experience ofevery man fur
nishes frequent instances where COM
ciliatory manners have made fortunes
for physicians, lawyers, politicians, mer-
chants, and indeed Individuals of all
pursuits. In being introduced to a
stranger, his affabi1ity or the reverse
creates instantaneous a prep possession
in his favor, or awakens unconscious
ly prejudice against him. To men
civility is, in fact, what a pleasing APP
pearance is to woman; it is a general
passport to fayor-a letter of recon-.
mendation written in a language that
every person understands. The best
of men often injure themselves by ir-.
and consequent rudeness |;
whereas men of inferior abilities have
frequently succeeded by their agreea-
Bile and pleasing manners. Of two
men, equal In all other respects, the
courteous one has twice the advantage,
and by far the better chance of MAXI
ing his way IN the world. as.s5
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

! EQUAL RIGHTS. THE Anti Railroad
war in Illinois is not without its hu-
morous side, earnest as the opposing
parties are.
"Take your arm from around that
woman" shouted out a railroad otfi-.
oial to passenger the other day.
"Why, replied the man, "she's my
wife; / have q right to have my arm
around her. 8
sssNot on the railroad = reioined the
conductor. THE new law forhids,a all
unjust determinations, and as L
haven't got q woman for every man on
this train to hug, ! can't permit you.'' z
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

DrA man in Peoria claims to have
a stone that Washington threw at a
wood-pecker on his fathers cherry
tree.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

B@rAn Iowa clergyman who had a
donation party lately, has beans enough
to last him thirty seven years.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
"Well, perhaps

swell, perhaps betN zen rs both
you using your WI poler, and Blink
ing of your husband, ;ng out witt
him, and taking @re him and
doing my best in my we may b'
able to subdue thepa e you must re
member this, madam DO not let Mr.
Stephens have the fastest suspicion
that you think anythi1k is the matter
with him; and, abovs DO not treat
him like an invalid amuse hin
and all that you know as you used
to when you were frs fried."
Another series Of from Mrs.
Stephens.
The Doctor arose to His patient
had entirely forgotten lat he had left
no prescription.
"About tea, Doctor she asked, as
he prepared to leave. DO you think
it very hurtful pr
GAS an occasional telaic, ] have no
| objection to tea; but q "a daily bever-
age, madam it is an. mention of the
devil. Good morning.
John Stephens sougI his home that
evening with a heavy heart. His wife
he believed confirmed invalid, or hy-
pochondriac it mattersd littlewhich;
one was as bad as the cher. His re-
monstrances and pleadFlgs had proved
of no avail; he was loubtful even
whether his wife loved Tim. Heopen-
ed the door softly with his latch-key.
This had become habifSa Ii seldom did
the gentleman show hillself to his wife
until after the dinner bell had sum-
Emoned the family to Il dining groom.
A strain of music MT and transfx-
ed him on the very til sshold Abt's
beautiful song was bei rendered, and
his wife was the musician. He was
just in time to hear
''The eyes thatIcann' weep
Are the saddle eye ALL
For full yee is Fharming voice
had been as aile : grave.
sCompany be mnttered.
Curiosity He opened
the parle d6ofana p pea il. There
was Mlssaohn stepIf bseomingly
lattireJ al alone lsiastie over
as he had ever seen her.
@What does this mean, Kate?" he
asked, with outstretched arms.
aThat ! have given up tea, and am
going to try hard and be well! Iguess
my voice will all comeback, John. z
aI guess so,0 he replied, folding her
tight to his heart.
Three months after this the cure
was so radical, that DR.. Ellis made a
clean burst of the whole thing; and
there is no word or set of words that
can provoke SO hearty a laugh in the
happy home Of the Stephens as this
physiologically scientific one,
Pericardium.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
"If Won desire it."

ssOh, DIR. Ellis, how cold and unfeel.
ing you are! Ishould think you ought
to know by this time, land just here
Mrs. Stephens broke down entirely.
and sobbed as if her heart would break
"Ought to know what, Mrs. Steph-
ens?" inquired the Doctor, with un-
called-for deliberation.
"You ought to know know
that my-my husbands health and life
are of a good deal more consequence to
me than my oWn.''
"Ah, indeed" interrupted the ply
sieian, with an elevation of his bushy
eyebrows, immensely suggestive of a
contrary opinion, as well as several ex-
cellent reasons for said opinion.
"Dr. Ellis, will you be kind enough
to tell me what's the matter with my
husband ?"
Mrs. Stephens was noweon her feet
tears all wiped away, eyes flashing
with resentful spirit, and only a little
quiver of the lip, to show how deep a
wound the kind heart in her bosom
had sustained. There she stood, re-
proachful, defiant, determined, woman
| ly. The Doctor was delighted, and
such an honest face it was, that hecar-
ried round with him from door to door,
from sunrise to sunset, every day in
the year, that it was mighty hard
matter to keep it from an Immediate
betrayal of the whole purpose.
.Mrs. Stephens ,''said he, 'you have
no cause to be alarmed. If lean only
get your cooperation in this business,
[ feel certain that / shall be able to
make well man of your husband in
few months, at the longest; but, as
true as / sit here before you, cannot
do this alone.''
"Why have | neE been informed of
this before?" breke in Mrs. Stephens,
Iimperiously.
"Who was there to inform you, mad
am? Your husband does not know
his condition, and | should really like
| to be told when you have been sniff
lcientlY calm to hear all that was ne
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

s@Nowadays every little village
politician has his axe to grind, while
the late lanented Washington had
nothing but his little hatchet. s
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

Dg-A man in this county who don't
take any papers, says he can't find a
word in the dictionary, because the
blasted book hasn't got an index.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

No actor, according to Che Danbury
News man, has yet been able to coun-
terfeit that expression of JOY which a
man shows when discovering ten
cent stamp in his paper of tobacco.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

pgeWhen you hear a man say the
s'world owes him a living don't leave
any hams laying around loose.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

h = -
health and comfort are nothlng, COM
pared to my husbands" Mrs. Steph-
ems was weeping again. ssThere is no
sacrifice I would not make for him. .
"Curious creaturesp muttered the
Doctor; delightful bundles of contra
dictionsl How the mischief should
know, Mrs. Stephens, how much you
care for your husband ? I am sure
you have spent the last half hour COM
planning about him. Is that the way
women generally testify their regard
for their husbands? ?"
"Oh, don't DIR. Ellis, please don't, ?
pleaded the terrified woman. 81 will
never complain again neyerif you
will only let me know what ! can do
for him. Do you know, Doctor, / had
begun to think lately that something
must be amiss with him, he was grow
ing SO irritable. Poor dear! how wick
ed and thoughtless have been. :
ssThis, then, is the trouble. shall
take it for granted, madam, that you
know something about physiology, and
can follow me without difficulty %
@oh yes-yes, for mercy's sake, go
on
Very well; | find that the pericar-
idium-o
sThe pericardium?" repeated Mrs.
Sthephens.
"You know what thatis, I SUPPOSE"
Evidently Mrs. Stephens anatomi-
cal knowledge was limited. She shook
her head in despair.
Something about the heart, isn't
it," she asked at last.
Eyes, the pericardium is the mem
braneous sac that holds the heart
Well, sometimes this sac-it is no mat
ter about particulars, Mrs. Stephens, .
and DIR. Ellis suddenly came to stand
still.
ut is enough, though, for me to say
that we are both passably anxious that
this heart should remain where it be-
longs. Mr.. Stephens must be amused.
He wants the opera, the lecture, the
social circle, entertaining books-a
happy home-mpsic. You play and
sing, do you not, Mrs. Stephens?" ?"
's0h yes-I used to- and Mrs. Ste
phens' tones were so pitiful now that
big DR.. Ellis really and truly was o
bliged to wipe both his eyes and his
nose. Before he was aware, the lach-
rymaI duct had got the upper hand.
"Well, try it again; yet a teacher,
and go to practicing."
"But how am | going to manage my
spasms% sobbed the lady.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

S@.Saln,' said darkey to his eb-
ony brother, show am dat yaa telegraf
carries de news froo dem wires ?'-
.WeH, Caesar. now s'pose dar am q
dog free miles long, ssNebber was
such a big dog; don b'lieb dat!Y sYou.
jess wait minnit; rs only illustratin',
you stupid nigger. Now, dis yaa dog,
you see, jess puts his front feefs on de
Hoboken sho, and he puts his behind
fleets on de New York sho'." aYesser."
"Now, s'pose you walk on dis yaa dogs
tail in New York" esser. = -
IIaHe'I bark, won't hep" "Yesser." !" =
swell, where will that dog bark ?''1
I"In Hoboken, L calc' late. " s.Dat am
jest it. You walk ON de dogs tail in
New York, an'he bark in Hoboken !;
Idat's de way de telegraf works. es-
ser, dasso-dasso! You'sright, by gol-
lu3
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24
]. Recipes.


Soft Gingerbread. Melted butter
half o coffee-cup, molasses two cups
one egg, one tablespoonful Of ginger
one cofee-cup Of sour milk, two heap.
ing teaspoons of soda added the last,
thing before baking, and Hour to make
stiff batter. Bake at once in an oven
with steady heat. No cake burns as
easily as n1olasses cake. 5 s'
Baked Tomatoes. Take them when
fully ripe, cut off slice from the
STERN side, scoop out the pulp of tomal
toe, and mix with it bread crumbs
butter, pepper, and salt. Fill the
empty shell with this mixture, replaces
the slices, put them in shallow pans.
and bake an hour. s..
! Baked Eggs-A matron says: Beat
up six eggs, one tablespoonful of -four,
six of sweet milk; melt your butter in
the frying-pan; when hot turn the
whole in, well beaten and bake in q
hot oven.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

this, Doctor, is what he ended up
with,-
".Kate,' says he, you are nothing
more nor less than drunkard! and,
in the sight of God, more culpable than
most of the men who stagger through
the streets; because the majority of
those poor devils have some sort of an
excuse for their conduct, and you
haven't the slightest. You have a
luxurious home, husband doing his
level best to make you happy-every-
thing under the lightaof the sun to
please you, and yet you will persist in
|swilling tea Yes, Doctor, swilztasg
was the word he used boo! hoo! hoo!
Oh dear me! to think I should ever
have lived to have heard such dread
full language out of my husbands
mouth; and then says he-sand MAX
ing me as miserable wretch as walks
| the EARTH ,"
"Pretty plain talk" interrupted the
Doctor, with q shrug Of his broad
shoulders.
ooh yes" sobbed the victim, Sand
SO awfully coarse and unkind. IF I
had had spell, and died there before
his very face, I don't believe he would
have cared snap of his finger. I tell
you, Doctor Ellis, there is such thing
as mans getting hardened"
Evidently replied the physician,
with a laeonicism absolutely painful.
@But my husband has nothing in
the world to trouble him but just my
poor health; and I am sure I can't
help that
This remark was more in answer to
her companions tone and manner,
than the one single word that had ac-
cidentally escaped his lips, and this
the Doctor felt.
sAnybody would think, by the way
he goes on" continued the irate wo-
man, 'sthat l enjoyed myself with
spasms, and cramps, and fainting fits.
Anybody would think it was pleas
ure to me to feel, every time I see a
funeral procession, as if the hearse was
going to stop at our door next Oh
] res such j n i very enjoyable, very,
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

While the Americ;
tools for mellowing t
ing seed, are the be
world, the expendituI
up to the harvesting
in the manufactur of
is not essentially less{
the great improvemel
of the most importar
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1873-10-24

II
;hAsoil and SOW
Rf any in the
human labor
ne crops, and
er and cheese,
It was before
hade in some
hn1aunnte Of
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-10-23

f. F. KunkeIs celebrated Bitter Wine
of Iron will effectually cure liver complaint,
jaundice, dyspepsia, chronic or nervous
debility, chronic diarrhea, disease Of the
kidneys, and all diseases arising from a
disordered liver, stomach or intestines ;
such as constipation, fatulence, inward
piles. fullness of blood to the head, acldity
of the stomach, nausea, heartburn, disgust
for food, fullness or weight in the stomach,
sore eructations sinking or fluttering at
the Dit of the stomach swimming Of the
head, hurried or difficult breathing, fiut-
tering of the heart, choking or suffocating
sensations when in a lying posture, dim
ness of vision, dots or webs before the
sight, dull pain in the head, efficiency Of
perspiration, yelIowness of the skin and
eyes, pain in the side, back, chest, limbs
&c. sudden flushes of heat, burning in the
flesh, constant imaglnings of evil and grea
depression of spirits.
| They are entirely vegetable and fre'
from alcoholic stimulant and all injuriou
ingredients, and are pleasant in taste ant
smell, mild in their operations, will remov
impurities from the body and give healtl
and vigor to the frame, Beware OF coun
terfeits
Sold only in 81 bottles Sold by Drug
gists and dealers everywhere, and in Roc
Island by Smith 4 Bonney and Joh
Bengston.
Z. F. KUNKEL,
Proprietor, No. 259 North Ninth stree
Philadelphia, Pa. 10-ld&wlm
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-10-23

THE WORLD MovEs.-There is still
hope. Many physicians of thorough medi-
cal education and long experience in the
treatment of Cholera, Cholera Morbus,
Dysentery, Diarhea, Cholera lntantum.
and Summer Complaints in general, un-
hesitatiugly recommend DR. McCabe's re-
nowned Medieated Blackberry Brandy, as
the surest and safest remedy ever pre-
scribed l0-20d&w2W
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-10-23

The wife of Socrates was said to be a
great scold. Had her husband furnished
her with Renne's Pain-killing Magic Oil
to cure painful toothache and headache,
she would, no doubt, have been one of the
best women of that age, and prevented him
from being homesick.
The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-10-23

Its no use, the poisonous hair prepara-
tions have had their day and done their
mischief Now comes along NATURE 5
HAIR RESTORATIVE, perfectly clear ar
ticle, which restores gray hair and keeps
the head in healthy condition. See ad-
vertisement.