South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-05-02
W.T. AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
-RE- woMAN's Submission
Likely .
sy-THE BSst Comforter for Bachelors
A good wife.
EESET together by the ears-shocks
80 "a pWA59'{a}vA
EFM Miss -Whalebone and
paint, powder and wadding.
E1-A GREAT saving in the manufacture
of mince pies in New York is secured by
substituting eockroaohesio for rsisins. They
are very similar to raisins when warmed
up, and cost almost nothing.
e0rA GENTLEMAN, in search of man to
do some work, met on his way lady, not
30 young as she once was, and asked her,
Can you tell me where can find man ?
mo, cannot she replied, 'for have been
looking these twenty years for one myself
s@THE reputation Of members of the
Legislature for sobriety seems to be rather
bid in Kentucky, if not in West Virginia.
Two of them were rather noisily drunk on
n railroad train the other day, and when
the conductor demonstrated one of them
al n
sir, that l am q member of the Legislature p
The conductor quietly replied, 'Yo've got
the symptoms
~THE Danbury, Connecticut, Ne,cs
gives an account of the vicissitudes Of life
rs experienced by young man in that
place. He went to see young lady, pre-
viously just having been to an oyster sup
per. AS he neared the house he saw her
father standing on the steps, and hailed
him, Hello, old Tadpole Eat you? Where
ish my lovely gazzelleG Where is my love
now dreamin 2 The father looked at the
young man, and thinking be wanted some
thing, placed his hand sadly on his shout
der, turned him around and filled the space
under his coat tail with leather The young
man don't 90 there any more he says
smallpox is hereditary in the family.
wA SOMEWHAT amusing incident is
told of woman whose husband, wealthy
man, died suddenly without leaving any
will. The widow, dcsirous of securing the
whole of the property, concealed her hus-
bands death, and persuaded a poor shoe
maker to take his place, when a will could
be made. Accordingly he was closely
muffled in bed, as if very sick, and law
yer called 10 to write the will. The shoe
maker in feeble voice, bequeathed half of
all the property to the widow. what shall
be done with the remainder p asked the
lawyer. The remainder 2 replied he,
Il give and bequeath to the poor little shoe
maker across the street, who has always
been good neighbor and deserving man )
thus securing rich bequest for himself =
The widow was thunderstruck with the
mans audacious cunning, but did not dare
to expose the fraud, as two rogues shared
the estate.
AN APT REJoINDER.-Iu-d wells q
well known man named jim. Haines.-
Seated one afternoon in his Office, with
fragrant and serene cigar
Pressed satisfactorily betwixt his lips
he was greeted by Quaker man, who
asked
as friend James Hsines within p
In Jim Hdmes,' was the gruf reply.
art thou agent of the - insurance
company
was agent
'Cansi thou inform me as to the present
condition of the company ? Did it lose
much by the Boston ire?
'All smashed up aud gone to tho -
Thou saidst thou we're It's agent !?
q did
well, judging by thy spsoob, think il
likely thou wilt continue to be its ngenl
n its new locality. Farewell
PATENT REcEfPr ToR MIxNG DsiNKs--A bar
Seeper, while looking over New York paper
,h.nrvod an al oF H.. 10 Nj