The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-08-23
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BUDGET OF FUN.

t'iiON III
~ Galena girl at the Pavilion Circus /
some time ago, who was looking at the clown
whrlng n hat with a stick, remarked TO her
yOUng man that she used to do that The
Young man was looking at contortiOniSt in
another part of the arena who had his legs
lied around his neck, and an explanation was
necessary"
4 correspondent in a New York paper
suggests a National boarding house in Wash
ington for the accommodation of members
Of Congress, where they could draw rations |
the same as soldiers. He says that by this |
plan their salaries could be reduced to about
$1,000 per year
1t is considered Il big thing in Saratoga to |
nave cold fried potatoes for lunch or munich"
IS tits elegantly called there Moreover, they |
sip champagne with them, and expect to ret
home alive.
Even Washington, least romantic Of all
cities, has her Enoch Arden, his name being
prOSaiC Brown. He turned up few days
since, but instead of pining and dying, Brown
iuContincntly booted his successor off the |
premises, and Mrs. Il. aud the babies are now
III his own, but he has to settle with the po-
ice court.
Edmund Munger, speaking of the time
when he was boy, says it was the custom OF
school children as you passed . schoolhouSc, |
10 make 4 bow; bat in these later days as you
pass school-house, you must keep your eye
peeled, or YOU will get SNOWFALL or Il brick
0ut at the side Of your head.
lfyou object to the Postmaster and his as
>istants reading the writing on your postal
cards, write them with lemon juice instead OF
NIX, and unless they hold them before lamp
hey will be unable to read them.
This is the pathetic appeal which New
fame criminal sends the court: | have been /
married two months and hantc had Ny
Honey Moon yet This is the first time |
ever was in Jail or crested II you VIII Con
slider my case and let me of on fine Will
return to My Darling Wife,
\ report of an old-fashioncd sermon says
Just at this point he stopped speaking few
moments, wiped his forehead, turning back .
MS wristbands, ran his fingers through his
nar, spit and rubbed his boot in it. drank a
little water commenced on u lower key, and
proceeded as follows"
An Illinois magistrate has fined a man $40
for cutting off his witc's back hair. Under
what statute such an offence is ranked We arc
not informcd--pcrhaps under the general head
of barbarous treatment and sheer brutality.
\ wealthy New York gentleman, of an
original turn of mind. is going to have stables |
built upon his grounds after the model of the
pyramids of Egypt He contends the pyra-
mids is the proper form for dwelling houses |
also, and has the advantage of putting stop
10 the eternal discussions about Mansard and |
other roofs
\ little siX-yearod boy was asked by his
teacher to write a composition on the subject
Of water, and the following is the production: |
Water is good to drink, to swim in, to skate |
on, frozen. When ! was Il little baby the nurse |
used to battle me every morning in water. |
have been told that the IniIms don't wash
themselves but once in ten years, ! wish |
was an injuni'
An Elmira editor met well educated farm.
er of Chcmung county the other day, and in
formed him that he would like to have some
thing from bis pen, whcreupon the farmer
cent him pig and charged him SO for it.
Mary Smith, the Duluth girl who fort.
night since married a man 20 years Of age, /
mas repcntcd of her folly, and last week rcaIi- |
zed her loves dream by clipping with an
octOgenaran.
They say that when the news of his moth .
cr's death reached the Shah, at Berlin, ne sent
home the Shahcsscs, and declared that the
royal grief should be postponed until his re
turn to Persia, which reminds Kate Field Of
the Yankee woman, who, upon being told at
dinner of her husbands death, exclaimed, |
Just wait till I've done eating, and III show .
you some tall crying"
On the occasion OF the royal meeting be /
tween the sovereign. OF Persia and England F.
when the latter received the former in state at
Windsor Castle, it was remarked by people |
addicted to whist and cribbage that the illus |
lriOus guest and hostess represented two court
cards-Hcr Majesty the queen of hearts, and /
,hc Shah the king of diamonds.
Mr.. L. T. Out, Of Belmont Precinct Otoe
County, Nebraska, is the happy father Of a
recent pair of twins--a girl and boy. The
former has been baptiscd Betsey, and the lat
ter J. r. Out That settles the question be
tween Carleton and the other Old maid about
the pedigree of" Betscy and J. X. Out"
\ noted cOuneSan, Of Baltimore, lost TWEEN
ty thousand dollars worth Of diamond icwclry /
IN the late fire in that city, and the ashes are
now being raked for its recovery. We pre-
sumo it will require about as much raking to .
find as il did to earn that JeWelry.
Cannot something be done to prevent
young ladies being inSulted on our streets at
nightE' asks Cincinnati paper. There can. +
JUST INV tilt I!ilIc glTl mOllltG luck HtI III /
TO her little bed about eight o'clock in the
evening, and lock the door on her"
An exchange speaks of rare Ben Butler .
Very rare indeed. The country will never
have Butler with the plaudit ",ceR doar, good .
and faithful servant
\ SlawSon man was Unexpectedly caught
fishing by his pastor, Sunday. The minister .
was shocked, and o was the fisherman. and /
in his confusion he stammcIcd out something
about fearing it was going to rain. and thai .
The fish might get wet
! dry goods clerk in Springfield was much .
mortified the other day because "A young lady /
Mhn didn,f nnrec with him ahnml The nrice