Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-02-19
Wit. Humor. and Wisdom.

| DOne. = .--r sre a4 ,
THE boy who recommended a few
drops of panegyric on sugar for the
child of disquietude has, his match IN
another, who, after successfully spell
ing I" chicaner," defined it TO be ga
large coop to raise chickens. . sF l1a
A YOUNG man who applied at the re-
cruiting station IL one of the far West
ern States for enlistment was asked II
ne could sleep on the point of
bayonet," when he promptly replied
that &C he could try 1t, as he had often
slept on pint of whiskey.
A LADY called on witty friend, who
was not at home, and finding the piano
dusty wrote upon it g slattern.'' The
next day they met, and the lady said,
81 called upon you yesterday.
eyes, was the reply, / saw Jour
card on the piano.
The indolent habits of the Orientals
are well illustrated by the following
bon mot, which, in the regions OF the
East, has assumed the character OF an
adage: sfNo man should run when he
may walk, walk when he may stand,
stand when he may sit, or sit when he
may lie down. a $685.
"I'M not used to begging" said
/ little girl to a lady whom she had asked
! aims, " cause only two weeks ago my
father was merchant p why, child,
how could he be reduced to poverty so E
soon 2" Ny father took a bad two
dollar bill at his peanut stand, and 1T
ruined him. sobbed the child. a
&C Mrs. JENKs,' said little red
haired girl with pug nose and bare
1OtI al
her by lendin' her stick Of fire wood g
fill this eruet with vinegar d
little soft soap in this pan-and please
not let your turkey gobblers roost' on
our fence"
F A LITTLE boy who sang, ''I want to
4 be an angel" In Sunday school with
so mucn energy that he almost choked
himself, confessed to an enterprising
reporter that he really wanted to be a
captain on a canal boat, is it right to
encourage children in untruthfulness, g
by allowing them to sing such melo'
dies
THE first person who ever wore a
ring with stone in it is saidsto have
been Prometheus, who was condemned !.
by Jupiter to wear upon his finger q
piece of Mount Caucasus, to which he
had been chained. This stone wassset d
in a ring of iron. -a.,s 4s.s--I -
In San Francisco court, the other
day, little dialogue ran thus:
Counsel to witness--s' You say you
were at his house every night - eyes
SIR 'eWere you his partner?" 'No,
sir. seAny relative of his ?" E'No.''s s
"What we're you doing at his house
every night?" Z" was sparkling his
wife's sister. 9s a 2
A WATERFOWL gentleman, who has
pair of wonderfully large feet, was
walking on the sidewalk adjoining the
depot8 the other evening, and met sew
eral young ladies. The ladies began to &
giggle, and our friend, thinning. they
were laughi-lzsat his feet, vfi6n' they
came closer stepped one siti<s -4sad ssaidas,s
& Ladies, you can pass" They passed.
A DAsHINe officer, meeting DR., John
son at public dinner, endeavored to
force him into conversation. ''Now,
Doctor" said he, do not look SO
glum, but be little lively and gay like
others. What would you give to be as y
young and sprightly as [ am = !" Why, b
sir, replied Johnson, 6 would almost
consent to be as foolish.
THERE is little railroad at Bayou
Sara, La, that runs to Woodville on a 5,
very uncertain schedule. A stranger
came in the other day and inquired
how oftensthe steam-ea made trips to
the country. The party Intercepted
said. "Tri- weekly" "What do you
mean by tri-weekly 2" The answer,
&c It goes up one week and tries to
come down the next.
A PoTTsvIL1E man, who says he
hasn't attended church for twenty
years. boasts that he can remember
perfectly the preachers text on the last
occasion of a visit to the sanctuary.
And this is the way he remembered it
when asked what it was g It is easier
for camel to enter a circus, than for
a man to eat pack of needles
A SMART boy in one of the. public
schools at Cadiz, Pa, having been re- Is
uuired to write a composition on some
part of the human body, expanded as
follows: 'sThe Throat-A@ throat is
convenient to have, especially for roos-
ters and ministers The former eats
corn and crows with it; the latter
breaches through his'n and ties it up.3
THE following we clip from Mr.. s.
Punch's Almanac for this year -
am pleased to say, Mrs. Fitzbrowne,
that [ shall be able to vaccinate your Z
baby from very healthy child of your
nelghbor, Mrs. Jones'" Mrs Fitz-
browne Oh, dear, doctor! Icould
not permit that We Go not care to be
mixed up with the Joneses in any
way"
Some time ago a we'll known angler
was fishing in trout stream in Scot
land on a Monday, when he was ac-
costed by the minister who asked him
as to his success. The angler, after
replying said to the minister
ssDae ye no try the rod yerseP?'
80, mol" said the minister, with
pious awe and eyes upturned, s'I am a
fisher Of men, 95 kas gs.3sas
80, indeed I" replied ne, "but doot
we're nae great hand OF, for / lookit
into your creel Cbasket) yesterday and
it was Rnco empty. 1a
AMONG all the {" curiosities of htera-
ture, obituary poverty is the most
curious, as the experience of every
editor will testify. We have seen
| great many hard specimens, published
not so much for their literary merit as
| to assuage the grief of their bereaved
friends. but the following from all
eastern paper viii take the palm.
| :. The death angel smote Alexander McGlue,
| And gave him protracted repose;
He wore checked shirt and Number Nine
! shoe,
And he had pink wart on his nose.
! No doubt he Is happier dwelling in space
Over there on the evergreen shore, -sa+
I His friends are informed that his funeral takes
| place -
Precisely at quarter past fourl I"
And the following from the same pa
per is equally touching and beautiful
s Willie had purple monkey climbing on a
yellow stuck,
And when he sucked the paint all off it made