River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-10-31
Humorous Items.

w HIN 10 d udIl tltNl W Jlult - w u6H
he marries a second.
LADIES who light up well at night
Those who have lantern jaws.
A KNIGHT ERRANT-Going for the
doctor.
Chow l prize yor, my dear!" said
the jimmy to the safe door.
ANALYSIS is the death of sentiment
&C ID. Warner
WHEN Time shall hang up his scythe
he will be no mower.
AN angry man opens his mouth and
shuts up his eyes. - Cato.
DIR. JOHNSON defines a ship as a pris-
on with "a chance of being drowned.
MUST a doctor have license 20 am
putate a game leg9
AMERICA is fortunate country. She
grows by the follies of our European
nations. Napoleon.
THE creditors of an absconded banker
found, on opening his safe, that the
only thing he had laid up for a rainy
day was an umbrella.
UPON the marriage of Mrs. Wheat, of
Virginia, the editor hopes that her
path may be tloury, and that she may
never be thrashed 10y her husband.
A PRUDENT gentleman, unwilling to
accuse neighbor of lying, said he
used the truth with penurious frugal.
ity.
A GOOD II EARTED but partially deaf
old lady is much disturbed by the talk
about the Kickapoo Indians. She
doesn't see why anybody should kick a
poor Indian.
nj. THEIRS has not altogether been
forgotten. The Give Milliards Pol
ka is the name OF patriotic effusion
dedicated TO him. 1t is said to be
spirited and is selling very rapidly.
The man who wanted to take
another person apart when ne had
something 10 say to him, lately asked
for the private ear of friend, and
was told that priyateering was illegal.
IT is reported that silver mines,
yielding 80 per cent. of pure silver,
have been discovered near Copiapo, in
Chill. The fortune hunters are fiocking
thisher in large numbers.
A GAY winter i'll Florence is predict
ed. The demand Tor rooms is large
and increasing. The English and
American elements will be unusually
large. Receptions at the residence of
the United States Consul will be resum-
ed next month.
A SEA captain, invited to meet the .
committee of society for the evangel-
ization of Africa, when asked; "Do
the subjects of the King of Dahomey
keep Sunday ~ replied: +" Yes, and
every thing else they can lay their
hands on"
A CHINAMAN came down one of the
main streets of Millerton, Cal, on cleo
ton day, in a state of inebriation and
of joyful exaltation, and thus delivered
himself Hoop la me all same
Mclean man. Hair cut short and
dunk like HI. Hoop la !"
A PENNSYLVANIA CLERGYMAN has
made a good hit by introducing "per-
sonalsh in his prayers. For instance;
Lord have mercy on John Shanahan,
who keeps saloon near the old red
bridge Either lay him on a bed of
sickness or have him removed from
this town
A SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher, explaining
the first chapter of Genesis, asked:
why did Goo command them to leave
the fruit of one tree untouched r
dead silence. At last little girl spoke
up and said Please, marin, j think
he wanted them to leave some for man
ners."
An inscription on II mural tablet,
recently put up in rural church, is
amusing. 1t ends:
He was neglected by his doctor,
Treated cruel by his nurse
His brother robbed lis widow;
That makes the matter worse.
INQUIRNG CHILD (reading about the
Graphic balcony ~" Father, what does
transatlantic means p Gruff Father
rusty in his Latin y" Transatlantic.
you simpleton, means, across the At
lantic ocean, trans means dcrOSs.n
Child" Mother, does transparent
mean q cross parent, like father2"
Scene closes with the boy across his
parents knee.
The other day a Dublin tutor who
had repeatedly TO reprimand n youth
for inability 10 find an article If it was
the least ont of its usual position, came
out IN passion with the following
. suppose if you found your head not
on IN its usual place some day, you
wouldn't know where to go and look
for il.
NINE b., of Paris, quarrelled at
breakfast with NJ. G., her cher ami,
because the latter refused TO give her
1000 francs, wherewith 60 pay her
dressmakar. She remarked that he
would never see her alive again. NJ.
q. laughed, shrugged his shoulders,
and went down stairs into the street.
As he reached the sidewalk he heard
rush, and then something dropped be
side him heavily He looked down.
and saw ut his feet the crushed body
body of Nine g., who had thrown her
selfout OF the third story window.