The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-10-17
Putting up Stoves.

The first step person takes is to put
on very old and ragged coat, under the
impression that, when he gets his mouth
full of plaster, it will keep his shirt bosom
clean. Next he gets his hand inside the
place where the pipe ought to go, and
blacks his fingers and then he carefully
makes black mark down the side of his
nose. 1t is impossible to make any
Roadway in doing this work until this
mark is made. Having got his-face prop
erly marked, the victim is ready to begin
the ceremony. The head of the family
who is the big goose Of the sacrifice
grasps one side of the stove, and his wife
and hired girl take hold Of the other side.
In this way the load is started from the
wood she'd toward the parlor. Going
through the door, the head OF the family
will carefully swing his side of the stove
around, and jam his thumb nail against the
doorpost. This part of the ceremony is
never omitted. Having got the stove COM
fortably in place, the next thing is to find
the legs. Two of them are left inside the
stove since the spring before; the other
two must be hunted after for twenty five
minutes. They are usually found under
the coal. Then the head of the family
holds up one side Of the stove while his
wife puts two of the legs in place, and
next he holds up the other side while the
other two are fixed, and one of the first two
falls out. BY the time the stove is on its
legs, he gets reckless, and takes off his old
coat, regardless of his linen. Then he
goes off for the pipe, and gets a cinder in
his eve. 1t don't make any difference how
well the pipe was put up last year, it will
be found little too short or little too
long The head of the family jams his
hat over his eyes, and, taking pipe under
each arm, goes to the tinshop to have it
fixed.
When he gets back, he steps upon one
of the best parlor chairs to see if the pipe
fits, and his wife makes him get down for
fear he will scratch the varnish off the
chair with the nails in his boot heel. In
getting down, he will surely step on the
cat, and may thank his stars if it is rot
the baby. Then he gets an old chair, and
climbs up to the chimney again, to lind
that, in cutting the pipe off, the end has
been left too big for the hole in the Chin
ney. So he goes to the woodshcd, and
splits one side of the end ofthe pipe with
an old axe, and squeezes it in his hands to
make it smaller. Finally he gets the pipe
in shape, and finds that the stove does
not stand true. Then himself and wife,
and the hired girl move the stove to the
left, and the legs fall out again. The next
move is to the right. More difficulty with
the legs Moved to the front little. Ell
bow not even with the hole in the CHM
ney, and he goes to the woodshed after
some blocks. While putting the blocks
under the legs, the pipe comes out of the
chimney. That remeded, the elbow keeps
tipping ever, to the great alarm OF his
wife. IIe then gets the dinner table out,
puts the old chair on it, gets his wife to
hold the chair, and balances himself on it
to drive some nails into the ceiling. Drops
the hammer on his wife's head. At last
gets the nails driven, makes wire
swing to hold the pipe, hammers little
here, pulls little there, takes long
breath, and announces the ceremony COM
pleted.
Job never put up any stoves. 1t would
have ruined his reputation if he had.