Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-11-20
HOW TO TELL THE lI-DRED.
Ill-bred according 70 the Cod
01h Aean6ord

Saratoga Correspondence ~. 7. SSopAsc:
A voice-But how can you tell shod.
dy people, Mr.. Perkins ?
This way. my friends. When a
strange family arrives at our hotel, you
must watch them closcly Divinity puts
up certain inf.llib!e signs to distinguish
the ignorant and vulgar from the chill
dren Of culture and virtue.
|. If the lady comes into the parlor
with diamond ring on the outside CT
her glove, it is safe to ask her how
much she gets week. r. Hear, hear !"
AMI several Indies put their hands uu-
der their paniers.
=. If Providence crects dyed NOUS
tache over the mouth of a man, 1t is to
show that he is gambler or vulgarian.
[Cheers, when two Americas Club men,
a gambler, and four Plug Uvlies from
Baltimore, put their hands over their
u'oustaches.
3. lf,when Tint new family enter
or leave the room, the gentlemen rush
ahead, leaving the ladies to follow,
there is something shoddy y" some
where.
4. If the man presents the ladies' to
the gentlemen, instead Of vice versa,
and they all shake hands on first pre-
sentation, then you may know that they
hail frou, Oil City.
5. II, when they go in to dinner, they
do nothing but loudly order the wait
ers around aud talk about the wine you
can make up your mind that they are
the first walters they ever had, and the
only wine they ever drank. If they
pick the.y teeth at the table, or take
out their false teeth, and rinse them in
the tumblcr-[a voice, "Shoot them on
the spot yes, my friends, say that to
thei: teeth.
6. II, when gentleman sits in the
parlor talking to lady, he doesn't sit
up straight, but sprawls all over the So
ia, puts the solcs Of his boots on the
lady's dress, or the furniture, OF wipes
his shoes on his ON white linen panta-
looms, you'd better refuse an introduce
ton to him. Applause, when eight
young fellows, who sat with their legs
radiating like the wings Of windmill
or sprawling one foot cross|egged in the
empty air, whirlcd themselves right
side up.
T. II the ladies in that party white
wash their faces, rcd1en their lipe,
black their eyebrows, or bronze or vel
low their hair, justyon think this is an
,'ther sign which Providence puts up
80 you can shun them. Enamel and
hair-dye are social beacon-lights, to Gu
able you to keep off the rocks Of Cyp-
ria. Just you keep away from such
people, for they arc wolves in sleeps
clothing.
Voice from young lady" But We
want to look beautiful, Mr.. Perkins,"
But this will not make you beautiful,
my children. Any sweetheart who is
so shallow as to take whitewash for the
human skin, or rouge for the rose
cheeks Of nature, is too much Of sap
head to make a good husband, and if
nc is smart enough to see through your
Exceptionally he will surely leave you
in disgust. CApplause by tho gentle
men, while several ladies wiped their
faces with their pocket.handkerchieis. !
8. If, when this family get Into their
carriage to ride to the lake, the young
ladies appear in gaudy colors, throw
over their laps bright yellow and red
or blue afghan, and the coachman wears
a gold hat-band, and sprawl-tailed
yellow livery, with velvet collar, and
holds brass bespang'ed horses by white
reins, you may know that the owner
keeps Iivcry-stable, and that this is
his first carriage.