Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1873-12-15
NO. 2s6.
THE CURTAIN FIXTURE.

The most exquisite torture, says the
Danbury News, is the modern window
curtain fixture. Years ago. before the
desecrating hand of inventive genius was
reared, the window covering was either a
green shade hung by hooks, or a simple
piece of muslin nailed firmly to the upper
casing. Now the curtain is uniformly OF
cloth with flat stick at the bottom and
round stick at the top and o complicated
lot of brass cOgs and rachets at the ends.
1t isn't much trouble to fit the fiat stick.
because they can be measured the right
length ON the floor, but it is getting the
proper length OF the round sticks or roll
ers that plays the mischief with 2 mans
temper We are not quite certain but that
it could be done without much bluster
were mans wife to 60 off to the other
end OF the town and stay there until the
operation is over. She doesn't, however.
She keeps right close to him, and enlivens
the performance with such observations as
her Judgment and experience teach her
are the best calculated to turn his head.
The window curtain is generally put up in
the evening. This is partly because the
man has then more time, and partly attri-
butable to his desire to put off the evil job
until the last moment. The first thing to
be done is to separate the parcels and bor-
row saw. Every family keeps its own
screw-driver (point broken) and hammer
(handle loose). You instinctively saw the
flat pieces first, because that is the easiest,
and afterwards fit the rollers, which is
most difficult. Then the curtain is tackled
to the rollers, which keeps turning over
and breaking the tacks, and catching your
fingers under the hammer. This done,
you are ready to plant your feet on the
best cane-bottom chair in the house and
put up the fixtures. Here your wife says,
'.Well, if ever saw anything quite so
idiotic as -" You then get right down,
while she starts for wooden article, and
by way OF showing that You have no feel
ing in the matter you kick the cane-seat
into the middle of the room. Once mount
ed on the wooden chair, the brackets are
put up. To do this requires that you ex-
tend your arms the full length, and while
in this condition, with couple Of screws
and screw-driver in your mouth, the ham,
mer in one hand, the other hanging to the
fixtures and the curtain with the unwieldy
roller across your shoulder, you make the
sickening discovery that you have got
nothing with which to punch the hole tor
the screw. Then you get down to the
floor again to remedy the defect. and find
there is nothing for that purpose but the
advice of your wife to drive the screw till
it sets. You mount again. She holds the
lamp so she can see if the woman has
cleaned the corners of the glass, and az
you have your mouth too full Of hardware
to articulate with any freedom, you find
yourself obliged to kick her elbow to in
dicate that you actually demand some of
no Hur IN cat a
lost upon her, however, for, likely as not
she will set down the lamp to rub her arm,
and ask you what you mean. No one has
yet set a bracket to a curtain fixture with
out either dropping some of the imple-
ments or remark well calculated to en-
gross the attention of the party holding
the lamp. The awful strain on the arms,
the wonderful vacillating humors Of the
screws. the incomprehensible imbecility of
the screw-driver, the obstinacy OF the roll
er, and the astonishing perverseness OF
your wife, who will persist in moving the
light at the wrong time, make putting up
q modern curtain fixture the most subtle
of domestic grievances. And when the
curtain is finally up, and secured SO it
won't fall on your head when you touch
the string, and you take hold To draw it
up, the experience as it waltzes off TO one
side, and tries to stand on its drunken
head, and failing in that, settles right
where it is, and obstinately refuses to
bulge either way, has never been truly
analyzed. Weeks after, when you are
leaning back in your chair engrossed in
memories of the dead past, that curtain
will suddenly come laundering down upon
you, causing you to spring out into the air
and lifting your very hair almost free from
the scalp.