Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-07-24
Soldering a Drunken Mana Successful
Experiment.

Soldering a Drunken Mana Successful
Experiment.
He came in with an interrogation in
one eye, and with stick in one hand
One eye was covered with a handkerchief
and one arm was in a sling. His bearing
was that of a man with a settled purpose
in view.
Il want to see," said he, 'the man that
puts things into this paper"
We intimated that several of us earned
a frugal livelihood in that way.
"Well, | want to see the man which
cribs things out of the other papers. The
| fellow who writes mostly with shears, you
understand"
We explained to him that there were
seasons when the gifted among us, driven
to frenzy by the scarcity of ideas and
events, and by the clamorous demands Of
an insatiate public, in moments of emo
tional insanity plunged the glitte-ing
shears into our exchanges. He went on,
calmly, but in a voice tremulOus with sup
pressed feeling, and indistinct through
the recent loss of half dozen or so of
his front teeth.
Just so. presume so. | don't know
much about this business, but | want to
see man, the man that printed that little
piece about pouring water down drunken
mans spine of his back and making him
instantly sober. If you please, l want to
see that man. [ would like to talk with
him"
Then he leaned his stick against our
desk, and spit on his serviceable hand, and
resumed his hold on the stick, as though
he was weighing it. After studying the
stick a minute, he added in a somewhat
louder tone:
Mister | came here to see that 'ere
man. | want to see him bad
We told him that particular man was
not in.
Just so. | presume So They told me
before came that the man | wanted to
see wouldn't be anywhere. I'll wait for
him. | live up north, and I've walked
seven miles to converse with that man
| guess I'll sit down and wait"
He sat down by the door and reflective
~ pounded the floor with his stick, but
his feelings would not allow him to keep
still
Il suppose none of you didn't ever pour
much cold water down any drunken mans
back to make him instantly sober, per
haps?"
None of us in the office had ever tried
the experiment.
Just So | thought just as like as not
you had not. Well, mister, | have. |
tried it yesterday, and | have come seven
miles on foot to see the man that printed
it, just a few minutes. You see, John
Smith, he lives next door to my house
when I'm to home, and he gets how-cOme-
you-so every little period. Now, when
he's sober he's all right, if you keep out
of his way; but when he's drunk he goes
home and breaks dishes, and tips over the
stove, and throws the hardware around,
and makes it inconvenient for his wife,
and sometimes he gets his gun and goes
calling on his neighbors, and it amt pleas
ant.
Not that | want to say anything about
Smith; but me and my wife don't think
he ought to do So He came home drunk
yesterday, and broke all the kitchen win
dows out of his house, and followed his
wife around with carving knife, talking
about her liver, and after while he Law
down by my fence and went to sleep. |
had been reading that little piece; it
wasn't much of piece, and thought if
could pour some cold water down his
spine on his back, and make him sober it
would be more comfortable for his wife,
and a square thing to all around SO |
poured bucket of spring water down
John Smiths spine of his back"
We'll" said we, as our visitor paused,
"did it make him sober:"
Our visitor took firmer hold of his
stick, and replied with increased emo
ton:
Just so. / suppose it did make him
S0hpr md Crp in
could say Jack Robinson; but, mister, it
made him mad. 1t made .lim the mad
dest man | ever see, and Mr.. John Smith
is a bigger man than me, and stouter. He
is good deal stouter. Bla-bless him, I
never knew he was half so stout till yes
terday, and he's handy with his fists, too.
should suppose he is the handiest man
with his fists / ever saw
Then he went for y Du, did he?" we
said, innocently.
Gust so. Exactly. | suppose he went
TOR me about the best he knew, but don't
hold no grudge against John Smith. |
suppose he amt good man to hold
grudge against | want to see the man
who printed that piece; want to see him
bad. l feel as though it would soothe me
to see that man. / want to show him how
a drunken man acts when you pour water
down the spine of his back. That's what
| come for.''
Oar visitor, who had poured water
down the spine of a drunken mans back,
remained until about six in the evening,
and then went up street to find the man
that printed that little piece The man
he is looking for started for Alaska last
evening for summer vacation, and will
not be back before September, 1875
Utica Herald
CANNING FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
These should be fully ripe, without blem-
ish, especially ofdecay. In the first place,
MaSh tlera and ,aiclz tLo,,a oIoa