Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-11-28
Il UMOR r.


"Thirty-two cents % echoed woman
yesterday, when her grocer charged that
sum for pound of butter. eyes 'um,"
he replied with bland smile, ''You see
the grocers can't carry much of reserve,
and we can't turn our collaterals at sac
rifce. If the government calls in the
bonds in 1874, and the imports of bullion
tend to ease the money market a little
butter must find its level with everything
else. Butter is very panicky just now, but
I think the worst is over.'' She paid the
money without further growing. Detroit
Free Press.
A man at Trenton, who found several
thousand dollars over two years ago, and
has advertised it every day since that time,
gets credit for his honesty. Any man
would have quit looking for an owner long
ago; yet this Trenton man keeps on adj
vertising. But he owns the paper in
which it is advertised, and pays at full
rates out of the money fund. After three
years more of advertising the whole amount
will have been absorbed.
Says a London letter The money-taker
being unavoidedly absent, was temporarily
replaced at the exhibition Of the bearded
lady and other natural phenomena by
pretty, bright-eyed girl Of about fourteen.
CLAW, suppose the-the-er bearded lady
is your MOTHER" observed a swell, as he
paid his money. s'No, sir" said the ex-
tempore ney-taker, naively; she's my
father"
ssUnless yon give me aid,'' said beggar
to benevolent lady, II am afraid l shall
have to resort to something which great
ly dislike to do.' The lady handed him a
dollar, and compassionately asked, "What
is it, poor man, that I have saved you
from 20 "Work," was the mournful an
swer.
They have some very smart business
men in New jersey Last week ayoung
man was struck by lightning in field near
Trenton, and when the people began to
flock to the spot to look at the victim, they
found man standing by the corpse trying
to sell lightnings rods to the crowd.
A peculiar way Of discharging printers
exists in the Dayton, o., offices. Each
compositor has nail to hang his coat on,
and when the foreman concludes to dis
pense with the services of one Of the hands,
he takes hammer and drives the nail in
to the head.
The Danbury "News'' man has dedica-
ted his almanac to 'sthat distinguished CO.
laborer in the field of meteorological horo-
scopy, inflammatory rheumatism
California agriculturists are going large
ly into ginger. They haven't got much be-
yond the first syllable yet, but hope to do |
SO when their plants terminate.
Michigan moonlight is dangerous, we
should Judge from the statement that two |
men were robbed in Manchester, Mich, by |
moonlight"
A French writer has described a young
lady as creature that ceases to kiss gen
tlemen at twelve and begins again at TWEEN |
ty. H., t,s..,
The people Of Omaha are variously and !
pleasantly alluded to by outsiders as Coma
hogs. y "Omahosses, /" Omahorribles,' etc. |
"Gallinarium, is st. Louis for hen |
house. Next we shall have Equinarium
and Bobinarium and Asinorium.
Such is the force of habit. A reporter |
writes 1bve story, in which the hero |
"clasped the prepossessing girl to his bo-
som. and spoke substantially as follows.''
Western women are grumbling terribly |
because the managers of the agricultural |
fairs don't give at least years notice |
when they offer prizes for the finest babies |
The rallying cry in Kansas, upon which |
newspapers of divers views are unanimous
is: ssLet no man be elected to Office who
owes over five years subscription to To-
cal paper.
Mourning over the late election returns,
is the editor of the Iowa --. After
much brown study he has written out these
words :!'sWhisky did it."-Dauenport Dem
Ocr0t.
A Youthful correspondent wants to know
what magazine would give him the high
est position the quickest A powder mag
azine would hurry him.
The first paper that publishes Beautiful
Snow'' this year, will be advertised gratui-
tously.
Cruelty to nimals-throwing physic to
the dogs. -
The child who cried for an hour didn't
get it.
"A fast friend the telegraph.