The Idaho world. [volume] (Idaho City, Idaho Territory) 1864-1918, 1873-05-29
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PUTTING UP A STOVE.


Never did the humorist Of the Dan
bury Ne,os get off a better thing tnan
this: :.
Putting up a stove is not SO difficult
| in itself. tits the pipe that raises four
fifths of the mischief and all the dust;
You may take down a stove with al
the care in the world, and have your
wife put away the pipe in secure
place, and yet that pipe won't come TO-
gether again as it was before; lou
| find this out when you are standing on
a chair with your arms full of pipe and
your mouth full of SCOT. Your wife Is
Standing on the floor in position that
enables her to see you, the pipe and the
chair, and here she gives utterance TO
those remarks that are calculated 10
hasten q man into the extremes OF In
sanity. Her dress is pinned over her
waist and her hands rest on her hips.
She has got one of your hats on her
head and your linen coat on her PACK
and pair of your rubbers on her feet.
There is about five cents worth OF pot
black on her nose and lot of flour on
her chin, and altogether she is spec
tacle that would inspire dead man
with distrust. And while you are up
there trying to circumvent the awful
contrariness Of the pipe, and telling
that YOU know some fool has been mix
ing it, she stands safely on the floor
and bombards you with such domestic
notices as, Whats the use of swear
ing SOP "You know no one has
touched that pipe" "You amt any
more patience than child" "Do be
careful of that chair" And then she
goes off and reappears with an armful
more of pipe, and before you are aware
of it she has got that pipe so horribly
mixed up that it does seem no two
pieces are alike.
You Join the ends and work them to
and fro, and to and fro again, and then
you take them apart and look at them.
Then you spread one out and jam the
other together, and mount them once
more. But it is no 60. You begin to
think the pieces are inspired with life
and ache to kick them through the
window. But she doesn't lose her pa
thence. She goes around with that
awfullyexasperating rigging on, with
length of pipe under each arm and a
long handled broom in her hand, and says
she don't see how it is some people
never have any trouble putting up a
stove. Then you miss the hammer.
You don't see it anywhere You stare
into the pipe, along the mantle, and
down on the stove, and off TO the floor.
Your wife watches you, and is finally
thoughtful enough to inquire what you
are looking after, and on learning, pulls
the article from her pocket Then you
feel as if you could go out of doors
and swear hole twelve feet square
through block of brick buildings, but
she merely remarks: why on earth
don't you speak when you want any
thing, and not stare around like dunn
myw When that part of the pipe
which goes through the wall is up, she
keeps it up with her broom while you
are making the connection, and stares
at it with an intensity that is entirely
uncalled for. All the while your posi-
ton is becoming more and more inter.
esting. The pipe don't go together,
Of course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face and tickles your chin as it
drops of, and it seems as if your arms
are slowly, but surely, drawing out Of
their sockets.
Here your wife comes to your rescue
by inquiring if you are going to be all
day doing nothing, and if you think
her arms are made of cast iron, and
then the broom slips off the pipe, and
in her endeavor to recover her hold she
jabs you under the chin with the handle,
and the pipe comes down on your head
with its load of fried SCOT, and then the
chair tits forward enough to discharge
your feet, and you come down on the
wrong end of that chair with q force
that would bankrupt pile-driver. You
don't touch that stove again. You
leave your wife examining the chair
and bemoaning its injuries, and gointo
the kitchen and wash your skinned and
bleeding hands with yellow soan Then