Bozeman avant courier. [volume] (Bozeman, Mont.) 1872-1882, 1873-02-14
sena y sssassl svscis es.

the SlnlMicl Islands and gives in tile New
York Tribune some interesting features Of
The e..stoas os.lihe Hawaiians. The fellow
|ngsis his ,l,,Sciflaiun uisa specimen minister:
Tic .Royal ai.iistersn are naturll ctIrios-
Fiics. 'fllay are Waite tasa Of various
ilationalities. WHO have Wandered thitlier III
times comedy. Twill give YOU 4 specimen,
lint not flie innss favorable. Harris, fur i'll
sta ee. Harris is an AhIcrican-a long
lpgsed, vain, lisgtt-wegIlt silt,ge lawyer
from New Hampshire. II he Lad bfiii.s III
lroportioa to his legs. lie would make Solo
mon seem Il Failure il his nodesiv eqstaled
bis igaoisnce, he would illakeaa siolet stetn
stuck .tpsif his learllillg einalea his vanity,
he would make Won IIumbo.tlt sceil is ans
lettered as tlie back side of IL tombstone: IL
Ills stature was iproporsIoned 10 his con-
science, he wustla be gem for tile micro
SCOPE; il ms IDEAS We're as large as words
it would tiac 4 ma.r three months to walk
around one OF them; il I'M al,tlitnce Mer.. to-
contract to listen as long as lie would talk.
that audience would lie Of old.a and il lie
were to talk until he said something, he
would still brsol, his hind legs when the last
trump sounded And lie. would lave cheek
enough to wait till the disturbances was over,
and go on again. lss sg59.
Such is (ol was) His Execllcncy Mr.. Har-
ris, His late Majesty,s Minister of This, That,
and the Other --for he was a little of every
thing; and particularly and always he ssw;ls
the Kings most, obedient, humble servant
and loving worshipper,5 snd his chief cham
pion and mouti-piece in the parliamentary
branch of ministers. Andwiieg d; question
came up it didn't make any difference What
twas), how lie would rise up and saw the
airgwith his bony Halls, and storm and cayort
and hurl sounding emptiness which he
thought was eleqtencp, and dischai ge the
bile which he taHcicd was satire, and issue
dreary rubbish which he took for hrmor,
and accompany it with contortions OF his
undertaken cotntenanee which he believed
ito be comic iliexpression.a 1ael5s sgs
He began int the Islands as a little, obscure
lawyer, and reset p to- be such Il many-s ded
official gialdee that sarcastic folk dubbed
him .stlle wheels OF the Goyernnent.'' He
became great man III pigmy laiiel-he was
OF the calbIc thai other countries, construct
coustables and coroners of. .at IS 5saa
sl L do not Wishto seem prciudeed against
! HARRIS, nn,ig Ilsopss that ,notl,mg have said
will convey sucllan impression. | must be
an honest historian, and to this I'M the
Dresentcase / have to reveal tire fact that
This stately figure, which looks so like a
Washington monument in the distance, is
nothing.but Il Ihirty-ilollar Windmill when
you yet close to him.. 5f is.lsuag,
Harris loves to proclaim that he is ro
longer an Ans1ieaf. and is proud of it:
that he is q Hawaiianl lbrongh and through.
and is. proud OF that too; and that he is a
willing subject aud servant of his lord and
master, master, the King. and is proud aad grateful
taas Y Is So fa4Ds1af fa gslssssa ii ii I.
j 9i9iGss waYiWE6 SHOULD ANNEX. ti36
Now let rs annex these islands. Think \
how we could Guild up that whaling trade
We ecould make sugar enough there to sup
ply all America, perhaps and the prices.
would be very easy With the duties removed. !
And then We swouid have such a fine half
way house for our Pacific plying ships and
snch convenient SUPPLY depot ard such a
commanding sentrY-hox for an armed squad |
70 !; and we could raise cotton 9nd coffee
there and make it pay pretty wei with ths.
dates off aud capital easier to get at. And |
then we would own the Dightiest volcano |
On earth---kiauea Barpan could. run it- |
he understands fires nov. Let, us annex BY |
all means. We could pacify Prince Bill and
other mobiles easily enough-put them on a |
reservation. Nothing pleases a Savage like \
a reservattofl--a reservation where he has |
his annual hoes, aud Bibles and Blankets to |
trade for powder and whisky-a sweet Area
dian retreat fenced in with soldiers. BY !
We would get those $4,000 natives
cheap rs dirt, with their morals and other
diseases thrown in. No expense for ciuca-
are already educated; noreed to
convert them-they are already converted
no expense to clothe tIlem--for obvious
reasons.
We must annex these people, We can
lff1ict them with our wise and bencficicnt +
government. We can introduce the novelty
II sth..ives. all the way up from stree.-car
to municipal robbers and Coy
,rnment defaulters. and show them how
amusing it is to arrest them and try them
md then turn them loose-some for 6 sl and
ome for political influence y We. can
make them ashamed of their siaplc aud
primitive justice. We can do away with /,
heir occasional hangings for murder, and |,
ct them have Judge Pratt to teach them
low to save inperiled Avery-assassills To
oci ty.. Wecan give them some Barnarls
Q keep their money corporations out Of diff
ulties. We can give them juries composed
ntirely Of the most simple and charming
We can giye them railway
who will buy their Legislatures
Ike old clothes. and rrn over their best cili-
ems, nd complain Of their corpses for
their unpleasant juices On the
rack. IN the. place Of harmless and yapor-
ng Harris, we ealn give them Tweed. Wei
an let them haze Connolly; we can lean
hem SweenY; we. can furnish them some
lay GoullsWho will do away with their old
ime notion that stealing is3 not respectable
Ves can confer Woodruff and Clatlin on II
hem.s And George Francis Train. We cam
i've them lecturers. will 80 myself.
We can make that little busch Of sleery El
stands the hottest corner on earth. and array
fhx ssunral cssIps,fnr f1r ft,r Nv, I,-