Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-08-07
. ia
Humorous.

Humorous.
A MAN much addicted TO snoring re.
marked to his bedfehom IN the morn
ing that he slept like a,top. II know
it, said the other, like a humming-
top" -. .-ar
"Mx son." said -a.1e6upa mother,
"yon should not use the word black
guard it is Vulgar" "What should
1 use Il place Of It, ma VvHy. Use
-use-* African Sentinel my dear"
A THEATRICAL MANAaER, who has
nice little place in the, country, has
put up on his garden fence since The
cherries ripened, a sign-board; reading,
"Free list absolutely suspended.
The editor of the San Diego World
records that he '"took home and eat a
turn1p measuringstwo feet fouT:mohes
in circumference, and weighing. oyer
nine pounds"
If Persian turn Christian his Mead
is chopped off if they catch him. All
sorts Of wickedness are cured in Persia
by the Shah's little Ratchet. ~
A GENTLE parent at Gfeencast1e, Ind,
lately broke the arm Of his>seren@year
old boy with club, because he. took a
piece of candy without leave and di-
vided it with his baby brother;
"WHAr's the date of your ,bustle2'
was what an anxious papa in Cobleshll
asked his well-dressed daughter, after
searching for the latest copy of his
paper. LES
A VERMONT paper says a young lady
from the country called at book store
the other day and azked for I" a deck
OF them new postal-keerds-double
headers
IT is considered q big thing in Sara
toga to have cold fried potatoes Tor
lunch, or s'munch," as it is elegantly
called there. Moreover, they sip
champagne with them, and expect to
get home alive. 49,: ,
A DEsPA1R1Na American in Strasbufg
recently exclaimed, "Dont ask me to
see sights 1 am no longer see sick,
but sick of sight. Please introduce me
to somebody who talks English, and
who won't ask me to see anything"
A STRAsBURa, Pa, girl agreed to kiss
ouASo A1AhA OVOAv III V"o yCOA0 IL
he would stop smoking. He quit, and
has smacked regularly for six months,
but the girl has taken to eating oni-
ons, and he is unhappy, Young man,
neutralize, by chawing few yourself.
"THE cheerful crack of the pistol,
and the inspiring groans of the dying"
remarks the Register, of Central City,
Colorado, enliven the streets of Fair
play almost, making it very evident
that the lost arts of 80 and go are
reviving in that altitudinous mining
camp"
A WRITER in the Temps, discussing
the origin of the word shah, says "a
last remark which 1 dedicate to chess
players. Do they know the origin Of
the word checkmate p 1t is a literal
translation of the Arabic E. cheikA
inaat-the sheikh king) is dying.''
WHEN crowd of jayhawkers started
a disturbance in Texas church, the
other day, the preacher raised up
shotgun and SAID: William Dello,
sit down, or I'll make 1t painful for
YOU" William sat down and was as
quiet as lamb.
SEVERAL passengers on the Lower
Mississippi were attracted by the ALI
gators basking in the sunshine. ''Are
they amphibious, captain 70 asked
locker on. "Amphibious h-l!" an
swered the enthusiastic officer:
''tbey1l eat hog in a minute -
Goa! the skeeter, the beautiful
skeeter, filling the air with melodious
meter. Under our hat and tickling our
nose, taking bite through hole in
our clothes. In through the window,
opening the door, filling our chamber
aud singing the sweeter. ever found the
uDtiring moskeeter.
A BOY and girl (both quite smalD,
living in Providence, we're playing
graveyard" the other day, the girl
bringing out her dolls for burials, and
the boy digging the graves. After dis.
posing of one or two, the boy remarked
that sit was healthy old graveyard
without trees"
A DEALER in artificial eyes, who
thought to find handsome business
opening in the far West, has been ut
terly ruined, it is said, by competi-
tor, who has devised a process of hard
ening and preserving the unclaimed
natural optics which are swept out, of
Lhe different barrooms every morning,
Two STRANGERS approaching Boston
over the Lowell railroad, recently. had
occasion to regret the near proximity
Of Miller's River to the track, when
one remarked, "That will sure bring
the cholera" "Oh, no." said the
other, "It smells strong enough to
drive it away!'
"WHY is it that SO many men are
troubled with brain diseases of late e.
asked gentleman. "1n this tele-
graphic. high-pressure age" replied
friend, "there a1e a great many more
things to occupy ones attention than
there were twenty years ago, but the
brains amt any bigger now than they
were then
The most wonderful fish story ont
comes from Sodus. A Palmyra lady
was trolling in the Bay, when fish
took her hook. Just as the lady was
about to take the fish into the boat,
her gold plate dropped from her mouth
into the water. The fish shook the
spoon from his mouth. took the plate
Of teeth and disappeared in the deep
water.
PUNCH gives the following exaspera-
ting instance OF clerical presump-
ton :" Coal mine overlooker TO curatG)
90 can assure you, sir, that these
ere Golfers, now they're in full work,
can make their ten an twelve shillin' a
day e. Curate-'' Dear me! All it's
more than I get! Why, it's
more than l get!"
WORDSWORTH" said Charles Lamb.
- one day told me that he considered
Shakespeare greatly ovcrrated. There
is, said he, AN immensely of trick i'll
all Shakespeare wrote, and people are
taken by it. Now, if had mind
could write exactly like Shakespeare.
So You see, proceeded Charles Lamb
quietly, lit was only the mind that
was wanting"
On Friday morning. the 18th inst.
one of the most famous jewelers. Of
Paris exhibited his collection OF jewels
to the Shah, who purchased for GOO, 900
francs collar Of pearls, and for
$4,000 francs for diamond bracelet,
intended for the wife of Marshal
MacMahon. lie also purchased many
articles for his hnrem. He tried Oh
his Grand V,zier everything shown
him, gir,lles, collars and aigrettes. He
afterwards examined arms of various
models, ahd was about to fire one from
the window, when he WAS reminded by
tho Grand Vizier that he might wound
some one. The Shah laughed and put
aside the rifle.