Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-03-21
MR. DUFFY's VALENTINE.


BY MAX ADELER
Jim Duffy loved. He was not singular
in this-other Duffys had done the same thing;
but it was Jim DuAy's peculiar fortune that
while he loved but one woman, two women
loved him. Miss Smith was the beautiful
blue-eyed being to whom he had given his
heart and to whom he would cheerfully have
given his liver or his ribs or any other por-
ton of his framework if the custom of
society had made such an anatomical surren-
der proper Miss Clamm was the faded
flower who had fixed her battered and vener-
able affections upon Mr.. Duffy without any
provocation having been offered by him, and
Mr.. Duffy hated Clamm with quite as much
intensity as he loved Smith, because Clamm
would always fasten to him at the church
, meetings and the evening and
gush over to him in the presence of people,
and insist upon his company home at the
very moment when he had determined to es-
cort Miss Smith.
And so, when ST. Valentines day came
round, Duffy thought it would be a clever
idea to send a proposal of marriage to Miss
Smith, and at the same time to cool the en-
thusiasm ofClamm with an outrageous comic
valentine of some kind. He procured one
of these Immediately, and then wrote to his
only Smith a note beginning with Dearest
and ending with ''Yours till death" I'm
| happily, it came to pass that Mr.. Duffy
| placed each of these papers in the wrong en-
yelOpe and while the comic affair went
away to Smith, direct proposal proceeded
to Clamm. Nothing could have been more
unfortunate, for no sooner did the aforesaid
Clamm receive Dufy's note than she sudden
ly did up her back hair, put on her bonnet,
assumed her umbrella and gum shoes, and
started by the nearest known route to James
Duffy residence.
When the front door was opened, she
dashed past the hired girl and into the sit
ting room, where, finding jim reading
newspaper, she flung her arms about his
neck, dropped her head upon his shoulders
and her umbrella upon his corn, and ex-
claimed
Take me, take me, James, Take me,
dearest! | am yours-yours forever -
As soon as Mr.. Duffy regained his presence
Of mind, he struggled to disengagc himself,
while he attempted to explain to her that he
should not take her; that he did not want her
that she was not his forever, or five minutes;
and that If she did not remove her forehead
from his vest, and her umbrella from the
vicinity Of his toe, ho should be compelled to
call the police. Bat Miss Clamm would hear
no explanation. She nestled closer and
closer and closer to his waisteoat. and cried
into his watch-pOcket, and kept plunging her
umbrella about with such erratic vigor, that
Mr. Duffy's left foot continually executed
half of the waltz movements in an effort to
save its most sensitive excrescence from tor
ture. But at last when Clamm murmured
tomething about fixing the wedding day and
making it soon, Jim Duffy tore himself
away and fed to the garrett, where he locked
the door and tied the trap down with rope,
lest the invincble Clamm should burst in
upon him from that direction
Meantime, Miss Smith received the comic
valentine, recognizing Dufy's handwriting
upon the envelope. she was deeply PANIED
and she thought she might indirectly obtain
comfort and an explanation Of the matter by
calling upon her bosom friend, the sister Of
Mr. Duffy. So she sailed out and reached |
the house 1t happened by strange coin
cidence that her bonnet and cloak bore |
kind Of general resemblance to those worn |
by Clamm and Duffy, when he heard the |
door-bell ring. looked out from the garret
window, and felt perfectly certain that the 1
purpose Of impressing more firmly upon his |
mind that she was his forever, ard he could 4
take her So Duffy did most scandalous |
and ungentemanly thing. He emqtied a |
bucket Of water out Of the window upon the |
figure below.
Miss Smith went home damp and indig-
nant A little while after her return. |
Clamm, being pursuit Of her Duffy, called /
.. ft.,A
She waited in the Iarlor while Miss Smith .
changed her clothing, and meanwhile it
really occurred to Mr.. Duffy TO 20 to Smiths |
and ask for an rnswer to his proposal. 1t was
n sunny day, and snow was upon the ground.
The parlor and entry We're gloomy and
when Duffy went in. he could hardly see a
hand-breadth before him. Bat the eye of
Mss Clamm was upon him. As he came
into the parlor she flew toward him He
perceived thr indetinct outline of a woman's
figure. lie was of course sure that it was
Miss Smith, and he felt certain that she was
about to express her feelings by actions
rather than in language. So Duffy folded
her in his arms and kissed her forehead, and
asked her if she really loved him. She
whispered ,es and as they stood there,
while his heart oyer1owed with Joy. and he
own parlOr with her umbrella in her hand,
the wind blew one of the shutters open sud-
deuly, and nj the sane moment in walked
Miss Smith
1t was-but no. shall not attempt to
describe that situation. 1t is impossible
Everybody was agitated but Clamm. james
Duffy was dumbfounded and horror-stricken
Miss Smith was amazed and furious; but
.Clamm was collected, she was cool-she ap-
peared to enjoy everything and she would
probably have fallen upon Jim Dufy's
shoulder again and cooed, merely to let Miss
Smith see now nice it was, had not Duffy
lodged as he saw her coming. and permitted
her to smash her bonnet against the sofa
cushion.
Then Mr. Duffy undertook to tell Miss
Smith how it was, but naturally, after all
that had happened, she was too much en-
ragged to harken TO him, and she ordered
both visitors from the house. They depart
ed. Clamm with the hook of her umbrella
handle firmly fixed in the pocket of James
Duffy oyereoat.
But when they reached the street. Duffy,
in his agony and anger, expressed his feel
ings upon the subject of Clamm in such
violent and unmistakable manner that even
she was convinced. And when She aSAeu
him if he intended to marry her he said no,
she left him and proceeded at once to
lawyer, who began suit for breach of
promise against Duffy, and took it into
court the next week. Dufy's letter to
Smith was read in evidence, and Clamm
made Smith testify as to the proceedings in
her parlor, which cut up the defendant horri-
bly,. Clamm herself sat there all the time
weeping for the purpose of narrowing up the
feelings of the jurymen. who gave a verdict
of Sc 900 damages to the plaintiff, where
upon the said plaintiff instantly began to or
ganize war upon a fresh man.
jim Duffy is still single. know him
well. He seems to hate women and when
ever he has to write Il note to one, he always
takes il out ofthe envelope fourteen or fifteen
times to assure himself that he has the right
document, and that chemical analysis
could not detect an offer of marriage in it
Philadelphia To-Day.
SMILES.
The falling of skyliCht in San Fran