The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-05-09
The Art of ouarrelling.


tention- while they differ; it is only
when they make it up that they straight
way become nobodies again. But for
this attractlveness of quarrelling. there
are many persons who would never
draw a glance from outsiders through
out their whole lives. It is not until
after being disappointed a thousand
times by disagreements turning out to
be as dull and unimportant as the alb
sence of them, that the fascination
slackens. But in the case of a serious
difference between high-spirited, sond-
hearted, clear-headed individuals, es-
pecially if they have been good friends
before, the interest rises to its full
height. Not to be able to appreciate
the shifting charms of such a quarrel is
proof of great intellectual obtuseness,
as well as of much moral stolidity
Life has nothing to show so variously
attractive in no other way can all the
possibilities of human character be so
brilliantly brought out. Literature,
art, history, all find their best materi-
ais in qua. rels of this kind. Look
closely, and YOU will see 1t is with such
incidents they most successfully deal.
Very fortunately for mankind, there
has in time past been some good quar-
relling, of some of which the race may
be proud.
If we all always agreed, it is impossi-
BILE to say how slovenly we might not
become in our mutual intercourse
Most friends. and nearly all married
people, degenerate in that respect from
the first establishment of thorough IA
miliarity; sinking day by day into
greater lOoseness of phrase and bear
ing. 1t is only an occasional tiff, with
the permanent chance of others in the
intervals, that prevents things from be-
ing yet worse. Watch two Intelligent,
accomplished men of the world, who
are facing one another as enemies.
Then you know how fine proper re
rstaint of demeanor may become. Few
lovers are half as mindful of what is
due to one another. You then perceive
that in the case of all noble natures 1t
is hostility that gives to intercourse the
last finishing touch of politeness. By
some ladies, at such times, the grace of
lofty carriage is so magnifcently shown,
that to disinterested spectators it al
most seems pity they should ever be-
come friends again. But to wish that
is wrong. A quarrel ought to end at
the right juncture with happy deROlI-
4I1ent-a reconciliation if it did not,
how could the same parties ever quar-
rel again However, in the present
low state of the art these latter consid-
erations do not apply in one instance
out of hundred. In the other ninety
nine there is not the slightest preten-
sion to elegance in the display of indig-
nation quarrel instantly makes those
engaging in it absurd.
But the greatest, most stupid mis-
take of all connected with quarrelling
is made, not by the principals, but by
good-natured silly outsiders. They
hurry to huddle up q disagreement, as
if the chief thing was to cut it short. 1t
is scarcely possible to have a quarrel
fully out now, owing to this instant in
reference. This is a serious error. A
good quarrel will not be huddled up
it always breaks out again, generally IN
a worse way. The only result is, that,
instead of a properly adjusted differ
ence, you have half dozen fragmenta-
~ outrages, linked by sour ranking
of painfully-suppressed discomfort. 1t
would be a very startling explosion in
society, if all these imperfectly treated
differences were at once let loose but,
as soon as it is over, the social atmOs-
phere would be cleared immensely. A
leisurely, in fact, a cold severity needs
to be exercised by the outsiders. They
ought rather insist that quarrel once
begun should not end too hastily. 1t
should be made to take more of a ju-
dicial process a full, absolute exhaus-
ton of the matter being enforced. A
quarrel is necessarily a public affair
the rights of the public in it ought to
be far better recognized than they are.
Now, everybody appears to think him
self entitled to quarrel whenever and
however he chooses. This needs alter
ing entirely. Let it be clearly under
stood that nobody is justified In quar-
reIIing unless he can be vivacious, witty,
aeIf-controlled in it. The present alb
sence of all criticisms of this kind does
not prevent people from quarrelling ;
it only leaves them free to quarrel bad
ly-tO take no pains over it. But es-
peciallv ought sudden, wholesale, what
NAV be called lump, forgiveness to be
discredited. Half the evils of quarrel
ling can be traced to the shameful
abuse of this too easy resource of stu
eiditv and Incidence. To recommend
forgiveness as a simple sovereign cure
for all uuarrels is absurd. The ques-
ton always remains Which of them is
to be forgiven? Very religious persons,
it is true, forgive one another. In some
cases, when very effectively done, it is
the finest stroke in all the quarrel.
Where 1T is used as part of the tactics
of a dispute, it cannot fairly be object
ed too the only requirement beng
that, to make this quite clear, the for
giveness shall be very malicious. AT
any rate, it is a mistake on the part Oh
the clergy so to CRY up haste III Tor
giveness as an added virtue. 1t Is not
the height of religion never to quarrel,
but always to do so in becoming splr-
it. A man who can bear to be forgiven,
without its making the disagreement
worse, will not get into quarrel with
out its being greatly the fault of the
Other person and he Will generally
find his way out of it, nationally, with
out any need for the exercise of so ce-
lestial a virtue by the one most to
blame 1t is clear that to give the lat
ter the privilege of OstentatiOusly par
doning the one least In the wrong, is to
let himself do great moral injury.
There is one wide rule which can be
laid down in addition to the obliga-
tions on both sides to be witty, pains
taking, and interesting, requirements
which of themselves would go long
way to debar many people from quar-
relling at all 1t is for the better re-
cognition of a certain grOteSI1sc
which circumstances exhibit in a d OF
themselves. There is a greatly over.
looked native tendency in things 81 yhls
world to make pleasant fools OF All per
sons who have to do with them. IaaIyld-
uals go on stolidly, just as if thcE had
only persons to deal with, wholly ig-
noring the part played in nearly ',4ry
transaction by those droll, wieh 4,
sprightly, clever COLLINS of events.
These often outwit men and women
with skill beyond the best unravelng.
In very many qUarrels the misunder-
standing Is one for which neither of the
human parties really is accountable
it has been caused by this inevitable
third actuality, which is always anony.
mously present moving between the
two, with finger on its lip, or slyly laid
beside its nose Nothing but the most
watchful observation, the prOmptesi
action, and liberal ignoring of some