The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-06-07
VARIETY.

EXTRAORDiNART.-A gentleman recently arrived
from London, giving bis experience of NeE
York boarding house, said it was most 'straor
dinaryi but, by Joyel it seemed to be hash
"Wednesday every day in the week "
ALI THRoUGH.-'' That duck, sir, is 4 real eau
vas back" said Jones landlord at dinner . Car
vas all through, / should think, - muttered Jone,
as he laid down his knife in despair after trying
for the third time to saw through section OF tie
ancient fowl.
TIE NATIONAL GANE.-A Connecticut boy, Just
learning to read, asked mis- father what Credit
Mobilier was. It's our national game, ny
boy" replied the father, who with the shrewi-
ness of native Of the Land of Steady Habis,
looking ahead, :" you'll be able to play it
when you get big and 20 to COnZr@ss.''
GONG To SroP.-An Oregon woman wears
rubber bustles. but she is going to stop it. the
other day she slipped and fell down. She liton
that hustle, and it threw her up in the air, and
she continued coming down and bouncing up
again for more than twenty minutes, and wmld
be bouncing now if somebody hadn't stopped her.
Iosr HoRsEs-A Dutchman, in describing
span Of horses which he had lost, said "Dey
was very mooch like, specially the of one. One
loOkt so mOOch alike pOth l could not tell tolder
from which, when l went after one L always
caught de oder; and | whipped de one most dead,
because de oder kicked at me-"
DDx'r ASK ANY MoRE Fool QUEsTIoNs-In
the progress of trial in the Circuit Court of
Ann Arbor, Mich. the other day, the witness,
Mrs Rapalje, interrupted the questions d the
cross-examining counsel, Mr.. Joslyn, of Ypsi-
Ianti, by cUOlly drawing from her muff a loaded
revolver and remarking: - Ore more inmlting
question and I'll drop you where you sand" D"
The examination was pursued no further
story is told of French gentleman, who,
having lost the bulk of his property through the
rascaIity of friends in whom he trusted, crowned
it all by the loss Of his mental balance, and for
the remainder Of his days found his only delight
in riding in omnibuses and passing fares fDm pas
sengers to the driver, taking care when change
was returned to add to 1t a sou or two out of his
own pocket and watch the effect on the receiver.
In nine cases out of ten, as the story goes, the
passenger, counting over his change and finding,
as he supposed that the driver had cheated him
self would look bewildeTed for a moment, and
then pocket the change with a quiet chuckle.
The special delight of the lunatic to satisfy
himself in thu way that nIne-tenths of his fellow
men were dishonest, if they only had the oppOr-
tunity-
a FISH SroRY.-A clergyman of New York
city recently received by express from the cOun-
try 4 box, which, when opened, was found TO
contain large trout, surrounded with moss.
Highly gratiiied 1t this token of appreciation
from some absent admiTer, he determined to feast
n few select friends Herewith. He sent invita-
tions to few of his Fifth avenue friends, and
there WAS a lJEQUs gathering dTUunu MS 0Osplll-
bic board but. while each took his full share OF
fish, no one ate more than mOuthiul, q circum-
stance which puzzled him exceedingly until he
received a letter frOm a brother clergyman in the
rural districts stating that its author had OBJ
tanned the fish two years previously, and had pre-
served it IN alcohol, on account OF It's mOnstrOus
size Hearing, however, of the Museum of Nat
uraI History in the Central Park, he now sent it
10 his friend asking him to have it put back into
alcohol and presented TO the Museum
STREET LIFE N DASBURY.-Old Mr.. Watson,
on Nelson street, New York. has got nice little
bill to pay. He sent n man down for pot of
uaint and ladder. The man got the paint, and
then went to the lumber yard after ladder
Then be tied the paint pot TO the end of the lad
der and nut the ladder on his shoulder. This
was n very smart arrangement, and the man him
self admired it vcry much. lie started for home
this wnv, and didn't find any trouble the first
block, because the people had an impression that
a long ladder with 4 pot of yellow paint dang
ling on the end of it wasn't exactly the thing to
tribe with. so they balanced along on the curb
stone, OF rubbed up against the buildings. Soon
the man saw somebody IN store he knew, and
turned around TO speak to him, and drove one
end of the ladder into a millinery case and
knocked the crown out of an eishteen-dOllar bon
NET Then he backed of in alright, and knocked
down two sewing machine agents with the other
end Then he started to turn around. and an old
gentleman who was desperately endeavorlng TO
null his wife out of danger, saw the peril, and
shouted out ." Hi, therel" But it was too
late. The pot struck against an awning post,
tinped to one side, and the entire contents went
over the aged couple. This so startled the man
tbot he wbirled completely around smashing in
an entire store 'front.' frightening milk-man g
team. an % and knocking over some thirteen persons
xbo were actively dodging about to get out OF
the vrav' Then he dropped the ladder and fed
into the country, shouting 50 murder " and g hre
ar every lump. A regular ordained painter Is
now engaged on Mr.. Watsons house