Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-23
Keeping q Cow.

THE man across the way who enioved
vegetables fresh from his own garden
through the summer, has bought COW.
His wife told him how nice it would be
to have a COW on the premises, so as to
have milk fresh and pure every day. and
always in time, and always in abundance.
Then they could make butter themselves,
and not eat the rank stuff out of the store.
She told him there was enough stuff from
the garden and table to almost keep the
cow and the product would be Just about so
much clear gain. He figured it up him
self with pencil, and the result surprised
him. He wondered why he had not kept
cow before, and inwardly condemned
himself for the loss he had been inflictinc
upon himself Then he bought a COW.
In the evening of its arrival he went out
to milk it. But the animal was excited
by the strange surroundings, and stepped
on our friend, and kicked over his pail,
and nearly knocked one of his eyes out
with her tail He worked at the expert
ment for an hour, but without any success.
Then his wife came out to give advice,
and his son came out to see the fun. The
COW put one of her heels through the wo-
mans dress, and knocked the boy down
in the mud, which ended their interest in
the matter One of the neighbors MIXED
the animal that night, and came around
the next morning and showed the man
how to do it. The third day the cow
escaped the surveillance of the boy who
was left to watch her, and when the man
came home at night she was nowhere to
be found. The boy had also disappeared,
and our neighbor found he was obliged
to hunt her up before supper. He walked
around for awhile and then returned
home, but the animal had not been seen.
Then he went off again and made very
thorough search, and about ten O'Clock
that night he came back with the COW, his
clothes begrimmed with perspiration and
dust, and his face flushed and scratched
He wanted to kick the animals ribs in,
but realizing that such course would re-
suit in pecuniary damage, he changed his
mind. The boy wishes he had obeyed
the first impulse. On the fourth day they
churned, so as TO have fresh butter for the
table. The mother took hold of the
dasher first, because she used to do it
when a girl, and liked no better sport.
She pounded away till she caught crick
in the back that doubled her up like a
knife, and then she put the heir to it. He
had been standing around eagerly wait
ing for chance, and grumbling be-
cause he didn't get it, and when the
dasher was placed in his hands he was
so happy he could hardly contain him
self He pumped away for an hour
at it; then he said if he had to do it any
more he would run away and be robber.
At noon the man came home and learned
the situation. He was little disguised
at the ''tom-tooleIy," as he called it, and
| took hold of the churn himself, and made
it bounce awhile Then his stomach
commenced to fall in, and his spine to
unjoint, and his shoulders to loosen He
stopped and wiped off the perspiration,
and looked around with melancholy
cast to his features, and went at it again
The butter didn't come, however, but
everything in the way of oratorial effect
did He got SO dreadfully excited that
his wife, smelling strong of camphOr,
took the dasher away from him and went
| to work herself. At this the SON put his
cap under his jacket, and miraculously
disappeared. Later in the day the milk
was poured around the grape vine On
the fifth day the COW knocked down a
| length OF fence to the next lot, and ate all
the oranges from tree that stood in a
tub, and when the people ATTEMPTED to
drive her out she carried away new ivy
| on her horns, knocked down valuable
vase of flowers, and capped the climax
by stumbling over box of MOSES, and
falling on pile of dollhouse frames.
On the sixth day our neighbor sold his
COW to a butcher, and now eats strong
butter which comes from the store DAN
bu1'u Neaos