South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-02-28


'Dod you, you peshy varmint, you re
gettin' too smart, entirely that's what
comes of sending boys to macalemies.'
a WORTHY old farmer, who was being
worried in his cross-cxaminatiou by law
yer in Maine, exclaimed: Look here
squire, don't you ask good many foolish
questions 2
A NEW LEAF in the family history =
Jack-'Now III be papa going to FIX the
furnace Sallie-'Ob, yes, ! and I'll be
the new nurse, and you must kiss me be-
hind the cellar door,
john SMITH says nobody ever paid him
much attention until he broke out of Jail,
and then he was much sought after.
How JOE LOST HIS BET. An old fell
low named Joe Poole, very eccentric and
IN incorrigible sufferer, was constant
lounger at the tavern in Waterford, Me.
One day traveller FROM n distant part
OF the State, arrived at the tavern and was
met by an old acquaintance, resident of
the town. After some conversation on diff
ferent topics, the traveller was addr, ssad
follows: by the way, Brown, look out
for old Joe Poole TO night. Yon will know
him quick enough by his suffering. He
will be sure 10 como around, and oif,r TO
bet that you've not got a whole shirt to your
back. lfyou take him up, you will sure
iy Iose by trick he's got. He invariably
offers to lay this wager and always wins
very WELL said the traveller, Il will
not let him get ahead of me. Much obi
ged for the caution
The evening arrived, and large crowd
was collected in the bar room. Our friends
were there, and old Joe Poole was present
and in bis element
i tell you what, you are nicely dress.
ed, but Eli bet you ten dollars, you havn't
got whole sh-shirt to your back
I'll take the bet, said the stranger. put
the money in the landlords hands
This being done, the traveller pulled of
his coat and was about following suit With
his vest, when old Joe cried out
fHo-ho-hold on You've lost Ha.half
your shirt is fr-front, aud the other half is
on your ba-back =
There was roar of laughter, but the
new conner did not mind it, but pulled of
his vest too, and quietly turning his back
to Joe displayed to his astonished gaze a
shirt neatly folded and placed underneath
bis suspenders.
OF course tho laugh was turned upon
Poole who Acknowledged that he had lost
the wager. He never offered to bet again.
r1S-A young lady At a charity fair ap.
preached a melancholy looking youth and
asked 'Wil you buy a chance in a sill
yer punch bowl, sir it.? No, thank YOU,
said be, q never drink Perhaps you
will buy some cigars, them q DO not
smoke, he replied. The girl go, angry
and retoried 'WelI, sir, If thought you
ever washed, I'd offer sou some soap
ES-lr is said that the newspapers are
the means Of great many ladies getting
their backs up
sa5-A MAN out West was offered a dish
Of maccnroni SOUP, bu, declined it., dccar-
ing they couldn, play off any bilcd pipe
stems on bm.
GS-AN Alabama editor mildly aIlul,s
to his rival as a reservoir Of falsehood aud
on acqucduct Of mcudaci'y'
Just as a passenger train on the Detroit
and Milwaukee road was clear of Detroit. aud
running az The rate OF twelve miles an hour. an
OLD man suddenly lcapol from Dis seat rushed
to tbe platform and bounded OF turning about
forty somersau'ts before Doc bought up again-t
the fence ln short time hc appeared GO The
depot looking an around, and then exclaimed.
'Whai .n ola fool thought bad l,ft my um-
bre.'s hero and jumped Of lhe cars 20 get it;
and now hang me- ir don't remember chuck
ing under the scat
Eg-'WoNAN's RGur, seem TO com.
prise almost everything tu. w,mau's du-
ties at home, as wife, mother, aud house
keeper.
RV'GovE where The ground bog twin.