Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1873-06-20
Pen. SpaiferS.

jewel of an uncle-A carb-unclc.
Long absence makes the heart grow fond
er-of some one else.
We find y fault in our lives and we cut of
tho weed. but we 10 not root it up.
physician says musketoes have in their
veins some of the best blood in the country.
Live as long us you may, the first twenty
years are the longest half of your life.
Mexico is said to he like the earth, because
it has revolution every ty-lour hours.
Is like II pm; his head prevents him from 60
ing too far.
popular parlor magaznc-A big kero-
sene lamp. They furnish reading matter for
the million.
Speaking of becoming attire, what thing is
most likely to become woman Why,
little girl, of course.
When Mark Twain lectures on the Sand
witch islands, q well-bred audience is always
music red to hear him. A-ham !
Soldiers are generally rather tired on the
lst Of April. Perhaps it is because they have
just had a March of thrty-one days.
1t is rare to see rich man religious for
religion breaches restraint, and riches prompt
to unlicensed freedom.
Problem to be worked in worsted: If ten
knots represent stiff breeze, hew heavy n
blow does lady receive when she buys a
pound Of double zephyr ?"
young lady tainted when told that over
five hundred thousand mon died last year,
but was revived by the information that there
were thirteen millions left.
Piety is kind of modesty. 1t makes us
cast down our thoughts, just rs modesty
makes us cast down our eyes IN presence of
whatever is forbidden.
A missing man was lately advertised for,
and described us having Roman nose. He
won't be found. Such nose as that will
never turn up.
What was the result of the trial of that
horse-stealer asked Missourian of his
neighbor. Oh, he was left hanging in suz
pense, was the reply.
You might as well attempt to shampoo an
elephant with n thin mble-iull of soapsuds, ai
to attempt to do business and ignore advertis.
ing.
A negress speaking Of one of her children
who was lighter colored than tho rest, said, /
nebber could bear dat brat cause he show
dirt so easy.
A clergyman said the other day, that mod.
Orn young ladies were not the daug of
Shem and Ham, but the daughters Of Hem
and Sham.
An advertisement in a Western paper says
al Look out for Mrs. Snyder of Cleveland. who
has killed two husbands, and is roaming
around the country for third"
negro was put upon the stand as wit
mess, and the judge inquired if he understood
the nature Of an oath. For certain, boss
said the citizen; If swear to lie l mus
stick to him
A shrewd old gentleman once said to his
daughter, BE sure, my dear, you never MARI,
poor man; but remember that the poores
man in the world is one that has money anC
nothing else.
As stout old lady got out of a crowdeC
coach the other day, she exclaimed, Well
that's relief, any how !" To which the drive
replied, cycling her ample proportions, " s.
the 'osses think. num-"
"How far is 1t to Cub Creek ?" asked
traveller of woman at tOll-gate. "Onl.
shoost little Ways" " Is it four, six, eight
or ten miles P' impatiently asked the fretfu
traveller. A" Yes, think it is." serenely re
piled the unmsved gate-keeper.
What would you give, asked a comedies
young man of a venerable gentleman sittin
opposite to him at the table, to be as youn
and sprightly as 1 am ? The old gentleman
reflected n moment. and then solemnly said
don't know but that would be almos
willing TO be rs foolish as you are.