Litchfield enquirer., 1873-12-18
uEippsmue.

~
 ea-7.u uEIppswus. sa@s1.--.-
 4 court-house-Her fathers !
 4 green grocer-One who trusts.
 Hot schnapps often follow cold ones.
 Not wlthstanding the panic wages art hire. !
 Twins, like misfortune, never come singly. s4 ass
 Leather, chemically considered, is the ox-hide of beef. tglf = seags,I
 4 panic conundruml"How many mills nov make dollar" .H .2
 A Burlington, Iowa, man bought a lit- tie axe, because his wife was sick and couldn't chop very we'll with Q heavy one.
 Missouri miners have adopted p1g-lead as the nearest approach Co a metallic cur -rency Secretary Richardson's policy is likely to lead to. Inf ..gs5 5Te 'es,saI Monterey County, Cal, is robbing Pennsyivania of what little good name it ever had in the coal line by opening Q newly discovered mine of 'Lehigh."
 Owing to the slippery condition of the sidewalks, Danbury people have fallen in to the habit of screaming "Goodw with one O. An Irishman who was found guilty of stealing a lot of coffee, was asked by the magistrate what he did with it-t'Made tay with it." was the Hibernian's reply.
 Referring to the present crisis the New Orleans Times gives the following good advice to parents: Husband your re- sources and, if possible, your daughters also" -.-..--D------
 The panic has reached Utah. Business men, according to an exchange, are re- ducing their number of wives, and get ting rid of all other outstanding obliga- tions as fast as possible.
 The Congregationalist has seen this item in late invoice cf-fashionable New York furniture: Elegantly upholstered kneeling benches for the weary and heavy laden"
 A musician, George Sharp, had his name on his door plate thus: ''G. Sharp. |" A wag of a painter, who knew something of music, early one morning made the following undeniable and significant ad- dition: ''Is A flat. l" ...-.,
 4 young lady in Louisville has com posed fOrty-eight verses on "A Bedstead Sixty-One Years Old" The poetic effect IS very much enhanced by the occurrence of the word "vermifnge" at the end of each alternate line. -+-'
 Teacher-s'Who was the first man?''
 Head SchOlar-''W Washington; he was first in war, frstin-" '1
 T.-'-No, no; Adam was the first man. ''
 H. S-''Oh! if your talking of foreign CTS, s'pOse he was"
 The poet Longfellow, at party in Bos- ton asked . French gentleman who hap pened to be present why he seemed so sad and unhappy at that moment. To which the latter replied, ''Me very lmosh disaatisfy. Me jus hear zat my fadere be dead.s
 A witty clergyman accosted by an old acquaintance by the name of Cobb, re- piled: 'I don't know you, sir" "My name is Cobb,' reioined the man, who vas half seas over. '.Ah, sir, ]" replied the clergyman, '.you have so much corn on you that did not see the cob.''
 4 Southern editor says of rival editor, that che is inclined to deny the crime of being red-headed. We'll, you may call it auburn, or blonde, or anything else, but our impression is that he would be enti- tied to the first place in any torchlight procession"
 Harpers' Weekly of Dec. has an en- graving representing 'tLate Harvest" in which the farm laborers are represented as using pitchf0rks to load pumkins into wagon. The sketch was probably made hy city ''granger. -s0 A Western paper says that the first duty of tho Gramgem is to extinguish every op- eEatOr who begins his speech. with rI have not the good fortune to be farmer; but. \ have always felt the most profound in- terest in the truly noble and predominant pursuit of agriculture, and never was that interest greater than now"
 Scenes from 'sMuch Ado About Noth- ing" TennysOn's ''Lady Clare" Falcon ersis 'sAnnie Hathaway, or Shakespeare's WoOing. sTho Sleep Walking Scene" from Macbeth. ''The Courtship of Henry H-Tennysonis ssMay Queen," and the .-Jaekdzw of Reims" from the Ingolsby Legends.
 A ehzraekeristic saying of the English novelist calling herself ''Ouida" is repor- ted Being approached for the audacities Sn her novels, and told that she would alarm her chaSte readers by the contempt of mzxrSAge and the too vivid paintings whleA they contain, she replied: 'sI don't wvzAe for the women; IvFite for tho soI- diex%"
 Another western centenarian has died zk tho mature age of 1O& As the habits of khEse creatures are always Q matter of eE<so@kys we wlll state that he lived in a tog hui oa e0afse fare, drank Eauor as Rneh aS he liked, sometimes getting in- taxieaEed. and once when young fellow of IS. he fell into the fire and had to have a Ig amputated .as cOnseuuence. He aEso smoked and chewed tobacco od libi- tGna. But for these bad habits he might be living yet
 A ADanbury man vino believed he was dying gave friend a bOot-iack, with a klnEe to tt to allow closing it up into, a very snail space. Subsequently, recover. lng kis health, he sought to recover the book-iack. but it was not till it was bro kea over his head could he be made to reali1a that a present given on a death bed is too sacred to be trihed with.
 A young gentleman in Augusta. Me. lately made an evening call upon a young Lady. 1t was getting along toward 8 o'esOck, when the young lady. inquired the tine Of evening. Five minutes to g." was tho reply. ''How long will it take yo1 t0 go homer" Five minutes I should judge" ''Then, said the young lady. su you start now you will get home last sk nine o'clock. He performed the feat On time. :
 Said an Irishman to teiegraphic ope. rAAnw: l
 '.DO you ever charge anybody for the address of a message?"
 s'NO. replled the operator
 '.And do you charge for signing his name, sir ls ,,,-
 'sNo. sir" sss''. q
 .sWell. then, will ye phase sind this :? l