Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-11-26
AGRICULTURE A FRAUD.
An Original View.

An Inal view.
The Cincinnati Times says: "The
basest fraud of earth is agriculture.
The deadliest agois f0tasus that ever
glttered to beguile and dazzled to be-
tray. is agriculture. [ speak with
feeling on this subject, for I've been
gl1ttered and beguiled, and dazzled
and destroyed by the same arch de-
ceiver.
She has made me thousand prom
Uses, aud has broken every one of them.
She has promised me early potatoes,
and the rain has drowned them late
potatoes, and the drought has withered
them.
She has promised me summer
squashes. and the worms have eaten
them winter squashes, and the bugs
have devoured them.
She has promised cherries, and the
curculio has stung them, and they CON
tain living things, uncomely to the
eye and unsayory TO the taste.
She has promised strawberries, and
the young chickens have devoured
them, and the eye cannot see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the
old hens have encompassed them, and
the hand cannot reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his brother.
He was tiller of the ground. The
wonder is that he didn't kill his father,
and then weep because he hadn't a
grandfather to kill. No doubt, his
Early Rose potatoes, for which he paid
Adam 81 barrel, had been cut down
by bugs, from the headwaters of the
Euphrates. His Pennsylvania wheat
had been winter-killed, and wasn't
worth cutting. His Norway oats had
gone to straw, and would not yield five
pecks per acre, and his black Spanish
watermelons had been stolen by boys,
who had pulled up the vines, broken
down his patent picket fence, and writ
ten scurrllous doggerel all over his
back gate. No wonder he felt mad
when he saw Abel whistling along with
his fine French merinos worth IS a
head, and wool going up every day.
No wonder he wanted to kill somebody,
and thought he'd practice on Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not at
all surprising. He had become hus-
bandman. He had thrown away mag
nifcent opportunities He might have
had monopoly of any profession or
business. Had he studied medicine
there would not have been another
doctor within thousand miles to call
him "Quack, /" and every family would
have bought bottle of 'sNoah's Com
pound Extract of Gopher Wood and
.Anti-Deluge Syrup" AS politician,
he might have carried his own ward
solid, and controlled two-thirds of
the delegates in every Convention. As
a lawyer, he would have been retained
in every case tried at the Ararat Quar-
Court OF Admiralty. But he threw
away all of these advantaget and
took to agriculture. For long time
the ground was so wet he could raise
nothing but sweet flag and bullrushes,
and these at last became drug in the
market. What wonder that when he
did get half peck of grapes that were
not stung to death by Japhet's honey
bees, he should have made wine and
drowned his SORROWS in a g flowing
BOWL
The fact is, agriculture will demon
alize saint. [ was almost saint
when [ went into it. I'm a demon
now. I'm at war with everything. T
fight myself out Of bed at four O'Clock,
when all my better nature tells me to
lie still till seven. [ fight myself into
the garden to work like brute, when
reason and instinct tell me to stay in
the house and enjoy myself like man.
[ fight the pigs, the chickens, the
moles, the birds, the bugs, the worms
/ Ii n
lite. [ fight the docks, the burdocks,
the mulleins, the thistles, the grapes,
the weeds, the roots-the whole vege-
table kingdom. I fight the heat, TIL
frost, the rain the hail-in short. e
fight the universe, and get whipped III
every battle.