Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-03-14
II UMOR.

ceeded to complete his preparations for the
journey back to the post, thinking no more
about the matter AS he was about to
mount, the patients husband put in an ap-
pearance with his trusty rifle in his hand.
Doctor said he, II reckon we'd better
settle this here matter now;' and taking
him aside, "You want agoin' off without
settlement, was you? [ don't want to owe
no man nothin'. Here is ten, which I
reckon is about the squar thing. Now, if
you ANTI satisfied, jest get your weapon
and came round behind the hill thar, SOS
the old woman won't be riled up, and we'll
settle it. don't want no man to 60 way from
my house dissatisfied, specially you, Doc"
A Vallejo (Cal young lady, about to go
of in the cars, stepped into the dark sitting
room of the depot to kiss her friend Sarah
goodbye. Owing to the darkness she didn't
hit Sarah, but caromed on Chiramap. and
didn't find out the mistake until John began
yelling, "Whatee for you SO chokee me!
Hi yah No squeeze SO muchee ~ One
yell, Topping Of feminine garments, a
slammed door and that girl was gone
One of the importunate juveniles who So
licit pennies was asked: "Where is your
mother?" She answered, difidently: "She
is dead" "Have you no father ?" eyes
sir; but he is sick.'' "What ais him ?'
continued the questioner HE has got
sore finger, sir" Indeed" Eyes, sill"
"Then why don't he cut it eff p ''Please,
SIR responded the little maid, che amt got
any money to buy knife"
"Be there letter for Mary Flanigan?'
said buxom Irish lass to the lady clerk at
the general delivery" the other day. "Has
she middle name?" inquired the clerk as
the rapidly shuffied over handful of F's.
Faith, 70, she's single woman y was the
genuine Irish reply.
Theodore Tilton writes that, the other
day, solemn Yankee, a kind of nasal
Poionius, said to him. ''Never send to
80 Congress man who neither drinks nor
swears, for he will be certain either to steal
or lie"
Grace Greenwood, after contemplating
her Congressional neighbors in the light of
recent exposure, says: IF there is any
thing have respect for it is figures, espe-
cially now a-days, for they won't lie,'
A verdict of $5 damages has been record
ed agaist the Norfolk (Va.) Day Booz, and
the editor means to appeal on the ground
that there isn't a man in the county whose
character is worth so much.
Among the saddest episodes in the late
storm in Minnesota, according to Western
paper, was the freezing of the hands, nose.
forehead, everything except the cheek, of a
life insurance man.
$50 you would not take me to be TWEEN.
typ said a young lady to her partner, while
dancing few evenings ago; what would
you take me for then p ''Better Or worse"
replied he.
''No hoop skirts are now seen in the
streets Of Paris, /" says correspondent, from
which we infer that questionable habit of
raised dresses on the street crossing has
ceased.
A Memphis Dutchman thought he discov-
cred in Rip Van Wrinkle his long lost father,
and cried and blubbered SO he had to be
taken out and soothed with policeman s
club.
A Michigan husband left note be-
queathing to his wife the rope with which
be hung himself. Not being one of the
sentimental kind, she uses it for clothes
line
An advertisement in a daily paper wants
ga boy to open oysters about fifteen years
DID," We should think that situation ought
to be filed by a boy with strong stomach.
The late Samuel B. Brown, of Cincinnati,
left by his will $3.50 to found university.
It is strange he didn't think to leave SINH.
lar amount to pay off the national debt.
Il never 60 to church," said one; II
spend Sunday in settling accounts" "The
day Of judgment will be spent in the same
manner" was the reply.
Frankly speaking, what's to be done with
Congressmen's dirty clothes now that they
can't send them home by mail to be washed
without paying postage?
This is good one, in the Western style:
"Buzz-saw Henry Stonaker, of Palestine,
Texas. In his life be was lovely, and in his
death be was divided"
A man advertises for competent person
to undertake the sale of new medicine,
and adds, that sit will prove highly lucra.
tive to the undertaken"
The Indiana woman who threw a burglar
down stairs and broke his neck, is very sor-
ny now. She thought it was her husband
coming home tipsy
A henpecked husband writes: Before
marriage | fsncied welded life would be all
sunshine but afterwards found out it was
all moonshine"
An author of temperance novel, who
wrote Drunkenness is folly" was Mortified
in reading, Drunkenness is jolly"
Why was Herodius the fastest woman in
the Bible? Because she got head Of John
the Baptist on charger.
''Fan him with your boot is said by
those familiar with the subject, to be the
latest thing in slang
The Italian editor who said King Victor
Emanuel was repulsive looking man, has
no paper now.
A Cincinnati editor asks, "Are we fire.
proof?' 1t will 60 very far in the next world
If he is.
An Iowa lady is paying an election bet
- l. L. ny,nn n