South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-03-07
MR. DUFFY's VALENTINE,
A Warning for the Weak.
ny MAX ApELER.

thing; but 1t was Jim Duify's peculiar
fortune that while he loved but one woman.
two women loved him. Miss Smith was
the beautiful bue-eyed being TO whom he
had given his heart, and to whom he would
have cheeriully given his liver or his ribs
or any other portion of his framework if
the custom Of society had made such an
Anatomical surrender proper. Miss Clamm
was the faded flower who had fixed her
battered aud venerable affections upon Mr.
Duffy without any provocation having been
offered by hin, and Mr. Duffy hated
Clamm with quite as much intensity as be
loved Smith, because Clamm Would alwa7s
tasten to him at the church meetings and
the evening-companies, and gush over to
him in the presence of people, and insist
upon his company home at thelyery mo-
ment when he had determined to escort
Miss Smith
And SO, when ST. Valentines dav came
round, DuffY Thought it would be a clever
idea to send proposal Of marriage to Miss
Smith, and at the same time to cool the en-
thusiasm of Ciamm with an outrageous
comic valentine of some kind He procur-
ed one OF these Immediately, and then
wrote to his only Smith = note beginning
with Dearest and ending with Yours
till death. Unhappiy, it came to pass
that Mr.. Duffy placed each of these papers
In the wrong envelope and while the
comic affair went away 10 Smith, direct
proposal proceeded to Clamm. Nothing
could have been more unfortunate, for no
sooner did the aforesaid Camm receive
Dufy's note than she suddenly did up her
latr
her umbrella and gum shoes, and started
by the shortest known route 10 James
Duffy's residence.
When the front door was opened, she
dashed past the hired girl and into tho Sit
ting room, where, finding Jim reading
newspaper, she Auug her arms about hi.
neck, dropped her head upon his should
ers and her uubreill upon his corn, and
exclaimed:
Take me, take me, James, Take nc,
dearest! | am youra-yours forever.
AS soon as Mr. Duffy regaincd his pres.
ence of mind, he struggled to disengagc
himself, while be attempted 20 expliin 20
her that he should not take her; that he
did not want her; thot she was not his
forever, or for five minutes; and that if
she did not remove hcr forehead from bis
vest, aud her umbrella from the vicinity of
his toe, No should be- compelled 10 call the
police. But Miss Clamm would hear no
eXPlsnliiUs. She nestled closer ard clos
CT t. bis wsislcoat, aud cried into his
watch pocket, and ppngin2 her umbr.lia
about with suCh orratc vigur. that Mr.
Dnffy's Iefl foot continually executed half
of the Waltz movements in an effort to
81
ture. But at last, when Chmm murmur-
ed something about fxiUg the wedding
day, and making IL soon, jon DuGy tore
himself away and neI to the garrett, where
De locked The door and lied the trap down
with rope, lest the invincihle Cia,nm shout
burst in upon him from that direction.
Maaniime, Miss Smith received The
comic valentine, aud recognizing Dufys
hhut-vriting upon the envelope, she wa
deeply panied, aud she thought she might
indirectly obtain comfort and an exr4ra-
ton Of the matter by calm, upon her b7
som friend, the sister Of Mr.. Duff. s.,
she sailed ont aud reached the house. IL
happened By very strange coi0ciIcnco
that her bonnet and cloak bore q Kind of
general resemblance 10 those worn by
Clamn; and Duffy, when he heard Tho
door-bell ring, looked out from the garret
window, and felt perfectly certain that the
rem0rseless Miss Clsmm bad returned f1r
tho purpose Of impyos-ing more firmly up
90 his mind that she was his forever and
he could take her. So Duffy did a mos,
soandalo1s and ungcndemanly thing. lie
emptlei bucket Of wafcr on. Of the win
dow upon the figure below
Miss Smith went homo damp and iuiie-
nan'. A liuio while after her return
Ciamm, being in pnr-uit IT her DuG,, cil
ed upon Miss Smith, hoping o. hai him
there. She waited in che parl0r while Miss
Smith changed her clothing, and mean
while IL really occurred % Mr. Duffy 90 20
TO Smith aud ask an answer 90 bis pr0p1-
sal. IL was sunny day, and snow was
upon The ground. The p1rl1r and entry
we're gloomy; and wbco Duffy went IN. he
could hardly see a hond-breaith before him.
Bat the eys of Miss Chmm was upon him
As be came into the par'or she few to-
ward bin. lie perceived tho intestine,
outline Of womans figure. lie was of
course sure that 10 vas Miss Smith, and me
felt certain that sho was about 90 express,
Der feelings by actions rather than iu I'm.
guago. So Duffy folded her IN his arms
and kissed her forehead. and asked her if
she really loved bin. She whispered ycs:
and as she 7tood there, while bis heart o..
veril1wed with joy and be wondered WIZ
Miss Smith should sit in her own p7rl,r
wish her umbrella in her hand. The wind
blew one Of tho shutters open suddenly.
and az the same moment in walked Mice
smith