The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-09-26
NASB I.
He E.MBARKs IN A New ENrERpRIsE-HE
LOCATES IN ILLINOIS AND Is METAMoR-
PHosED INTO HARD-FIsTED FARMER.
BEET SrAsHEN
(wich is in the State of Iilinoy),b


| PHosED INTO HARD-FIsTED FARMER.
BEET SrAsHEN,
| (wich is in the State of Hlinoy),
'---.---------,- August Is, 1873.
hev left the Corners, temporarily, at
least, fur 1 hev a field NV labor here
wich is quite ez pleasant ez that in my
old home. I am up here in the anti
monopoly business. 1 am in Illlinoy,
groarin over the burdens piled upon us
farmers, and dammin, with all the vehe-
mence that's into me, the monopolies
that is suckin the life blood out NV the
honest laborin classes, and tryin to
convince EN- that their redempshun can
only be brot about by abandonin to
wunst the infamous Republican party,
wich is responsible for every evil that,s
onto the country, from railrodes down
to the potato-bug.
We hev at the Stashen noble coterie
nv sympathisers with the hard-fsted
yeomanry-a most gorgeously sympa-
thisin set ez ever | see, and so afflicted
are We at the troubles wich the perdoos-
ers are labrin under, that we hold meet
in perpetooally i'll the room back Nv the
bar NV the Jackson Hotel to consider
EN-.
The leedin sperit among MS. aside
from me, is veteran sympathiser with
labor, wich his name is Pettus Abslum
Pettus was originally shoemaker, but
early in life developed talent for hold
in offs. He WIZ elected sheriff Nv the
county, and the bench wich knowed
him wunst immeiitly knowed him no
more forever. There wuz some difficult
ty about some collekshuns wich he
made, wich WIZ esteemed of sufficient
Importance to prevent his being renom-
mated, and, like Nebuchadnezzer, he
WIZ turned ont to the thin grass of pri-
yate life for years, wich time he spent
principally ornamentin corner groceries
and aboosin society, wIch didn't recog-
nize him, earnin a hvin by collecting the
bills for his wife's dress-makin estab-
lishinment, to which, when bizness wuz
dull, he added laundry. President
Linkin WIZ indoost by the citizens Nv
the Stashen to appint him Collector, the
said citizens vainly imaginin that if he
had good fat thing he mite possibly
pay his debts. Ez everybody he owed
signed his applicashun for the appoint
ment, he he'd the longest list of names
that ever went out NV that village. He
continued in Office during Johnson's ad-
ministrashen, heyin come to the cOnclu-
shen that Johnson's policy wuz correct,
Jest after that CRATE man notified him
that he should chop off the head NV any
official that didn't. But Grant busted
HIM, sence wich time he hcz been a con-
sistent Democrat and lover NV the labor
in classes. He heZ seen close times
sence-often hez he bin without the
necessaries of life. for his wife is get
and sew every day. Mr.. Pettus goes
into the movement against oppressive
monopolies and sich with all his heart,
sole, body and strength. He believes
III the nobility of labor-he holds that
labor has not its proper reward, and ez
for his part, he viii enter into crusade
agin the bl0ated monopolists, and in be-
half of the horny-handed agricultIrists
of the country, with all the zeal of mis-
truly fervid nacher. One nv the most
tetchin sites III nacher is to see Pettus
a-leanin on bar, and a-discoursin on
the grandjer Nv labor. He sez that if
the farmers, the hard-handed labrin
masses nv his county, want candidate
for Auditor who loathes and hates the
oppresshUn NV labor, III whatever form
ii may come, he is their man.
Mr.. Samuel Blather is another one nv
the hard handed who is with us. He il
Democrat in politics, alluz hez bin.
He hez discovered that the farmers are
groaning under a despotism. He don't
own no farm hisself, nor he don't buy
nor sell any prodoose, nor anything
else, nor hez he any pertikeler bizniss,
but he feels there is an incubus wich
ways onto the labrin man, and, for one,
he feels ike putin his shoulder to the
wheel and histin it. He expecks to be
the Democratic candidate for County
Recorder, and if the farmers know their
friends--if they only kin be brought to
recognize them. whose hnrts beet re-
sponsive to theirn, and put him on their
ticket, he hez soft thing Nv 1t. He
kin truly say that he never laid under
tree, .seein the hardhanded victim Nv
monopoly sweatin under his ill-requited
toll, without feelin for him, and his
buzzum heeves ez he thinks Nv the op-
portunity he hez now to champion that
class. He sez he is the best man for
Recorder in the county.
MIR. Cephas Billias holds that the
only refuge the farmers hev is in the
buzzum NV the Democratic party-that's IS
where they want to go. He feels In his
sole that they are opprest. He amt
lest shoor ez he knows wat ther wrongs
is, but he perssoomed it he'd suthin to
do with monopolies or suthin NV that
sort, but whatever it wuz he stands
ready to denounce it. Let us, he sed,
organize n grange to wonst, and when
it comes to the elecshun let us see ef the
bloated Republican party shood longer
ride on the backs of honest workmen-
the hard handed agricultoorists.
Last week we held a meetin in the
back room, and resolved ourselves into
a grange, with Pettus, Blather, Billins,
and myself as the prinsiple officers.
Hevin thus got the organizashen all safe
and in proper hands, we isshood an ad-
dress to the farmers NV the county to
come in and jine. | urged EN- to let
the farmers organize it, but my cola
borers declined. They sod they pre-
ferred to make certain that the organi
Zashun shood be in the hands NV the
troo friends of the labrin classes. They
didn't care to take any chances.
We hev assumed a costoom in accord
ance with our new agricultooral de-
parcher. We wear heavy stogy boots,
over-hauls tucked into EN-, hickory shirts
and broad -brimmed chip-hats. We each
Nv us carry black-snake whip, instead
nv a cane, aud sprinkle hayseed III our
hair every morning. Blather is so
enthusiastic that he daubs clay on his
boots every morning, and Billins took
Who. et,n aud ruhbed the inside of his