The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1873-12-04
Scared out of a Wife.
A LAUGHABLE STORY.

IN country parlor. 1t was one oil those
nights midwinter, when the wind swept
over the land making everything tingle
with its frosty breath, that | was seated
before a blazing fire, surrounded by a
jolly, half dozen dogs aud an old bachelor
"A Peter Green-about forty aud eight
years old.
1t was just the night without to make
those within enjoy good story, so each
of us had to tell his favorte story, save
Mr.. Green, and as he was a jolly old
fellow, we all looked for a jolly story. We
were somewhat surl r sed to hear him say
Il have no story would interest you" so
we had to find other entertainments for
while when one Of the boys told me to
ask him how it happened that he never
got married. SO did
"Well gentlemen" he began, cit don't
seem right for ne to tell how that happen
ed, but as it is about myself don't care
much. You see when | was young we
had to walk as high as five miles to church
and singing school, which was our chief
enjoyment. But this don't have anything
to do with my not getting a wife, but
just wanted to show you that We had some
trouble them days in getting our sport.
John Smith and | were like brothers.
or like Mary and her little lamb Where
one went the other was sure to go. So
we went TO see two sisters aud as we were
not the best boys imaginable, the old
gentleman took umbrage and wouldn't
allow US to come near the house, so we
would take the girls to the end OF the
lane and there we would have to take the
final kiss
We soon got tired of that sort of fun,
and told John. on our way to singing
school one night, that was going to take
Sadie home, and that [ was going into the
house too.
He said the old man would run me if /
did
l told him | was going to risk it anyhow,
| let come what would
He said he would risk it if | would.
So home we went with the girls When
we got to the end of the lane | told the
girls we proposed going all the way.
| They looked at each other In a way
didn't like too well, but said they (ths old
folks) would be in bed so they didn't care
! If we did.
They were little more surprised yet
when told them Of going in little while,
/ but IS all was quiet when we got to the
house, we had no trouble in getting into
the kitchen.
Then aud there we had our first court,
and | made up my mind to ask Sadie to
be my wife the next time | came
1t was now past the turn of the night,
and as we had four miles to walk, | told
John we would have to be going SO We
stepped out on the porch, but just as we
did so, the sky was lit up by lightning
and one tremendous thunder peal rolled
along the mountain sides Its echo had
not died out in the far off wales until the
rain began to pour from the garnered
fullness of the clouds. We waited for it
to stop until we were all sleepy, when the
girls said we should 60 to bed in the little
room at the head Of the stairs which led
out of the kitchen, as their father didn't
get up carly we could be home before the
old folks were astir So after bidding the
girls a sweet good highland huggiDg
them littlc-and wishing them pleasant
dreams, and promising them to come back
on next Saturday night, we started for
! bed
We didn't have far to go, as the bed
stood near the head Of the stairs John
was soon in bed, but as | was always a
little slow, and full of curiosity, | was
| looking around the little room.
At last | thought | would sit down on
| oh h oh Ia
white cloth, while | drew off my boots
So dawn | sat. when stars Of the cast, |
went plump into big egg custard pie
| thought John would die laughing
| for he said [ had smashed that custard all
to thunder aud the plate right in two.
You see we had to be awful quiet so
! that the old man would not hear
| was now ready to get into bed, so
put the light out aud picked up my boots
thinking to put them in a more convenient
| place when down my one leg went throus b
pipe pole. which had been covered by
paper, up to my hip.
Now one part OF me was up stairs while
the longest part was ia the kitchen.
As my leg was very long it reached a
shelf which was occupied by dishes, pans,
coffee pots, etc, and turning it over down
| it went with u tremendous crash.
The girls had not yet retired, and |
could hear them laugh enough to split
their sides.
| felt awful ashamed, and was scared
until my heart was in my throat, for !
expected the old man every moment.
Iextracted my leg from the eonlounded
hole just in time, for the old lady locke ed
into the kitchen from the room door, and
asked what all that noise was about
The girls put her off as best they could,
and | went to bed, while John was stranS
| ling himself under the cover TO keep from
anghng aleud.
We soon went ofFinto tile land OF dreams
with the hope of waking early | wish |
could tell you my dreams, but 1T would
i a !