Wilmington daily commercial., 1873-12-31
KnEazsmeHts.
rHn LONG AND rHE sHoar or THEM.

the enEegomenI TO marry DeLWeen knhn duu VIZ |
man, which perhaps partakes somewhat OF the |
nature Of both the preceding forms OF engage,
ment This latter, however, so lords 1t over all |
others as to bethe engagement OF the worid-the
one always meant unless some other be specin. |
cd. II man or woman il reported engaged, II |
would be considered mere jest or witticism II |
anything else than marriage engagement were
meant So mush for our title.
There is an almost universal dsapprobation |
of long engagements, but there seems to be no |
prejudice whatever against engagements ln |
many communities an engagement seems to |
have as much moral force, as much binding |
power, As marriage. This is surely wrong. |
There ought to be no real marriage engagement
except the marriage vow. Often the time be- |
tween engagement and marriage is the only timo |
which the high contracting powers have to form
any real acquaintance with each other. That |
is little enough; but why should that little be
deprived of its value by making the engage
ment a contract which it is shameful to
break, and from which it is as humiliating
to retreat, as marriage itself3 The young
man and the young woman are mutual
" attracted, temporarily fascinated.
auperHcally engaged. Under the glamour Of
love the chances are very much against their
finding each other out before 1t is too late. But
why make the engagement so iron-clad that
even if they do find each other out they cannot
act on their knowledge without incurring the
Disgrace and dishonor that wait on the broken
word ? IL they are really adapted TO each other,
they need no outward bond to bind them togeth-
or. Inward attraction is stronger than any, than
all outward force. II they are not adapted to
each other, it is cruel to bring al the stress and
strain Of custom and character to keep them to-
sether when they have once begun, never 80
slightly, to draw apart.
This is q matter that belongs to parents rath-
er than to children, to adult rather than to ado
lescent society. Nothing can exceed the repro
baton with which we Americans behold the
heartless Centennial parent selecting the most
eligible available match for his daughter, with
out regard for her preferences precisely as he
would buy her house or horse. Almost equal
ly reprehsnsible, l sometimes think IL the tdtS-
ser fdire manner in which the American father
permits his inexperienced young daughter to
drift to drop to rush into the arms OF the man
who happens to be around at the time.
Never !" said an energetic mother, who had
been discussing the meSGllidnce of neighbors
child-"never land she set her teeth and puck
cred her brow into expression that would
have sent dismay to the breast of an Ineligible
young mAn-".nevsr shall a young man come
| into my house that would not be willing my
| daughter should marry"
| 1t may not be possible,i it may not be necessary
i it may not be effective to carry matters with
| qaite so high hand. It may be that il every
undesirable young man is upceremoniously
/ browbeaten OF the front door. step, your daugh-
Il ter will meet him IN the drawing rosm next door,
Il and fall rAvenously in love with him 1t may be,
i too, that You have unsklllfuly taken his meas
ure, and that the match will be Immediately and
pre- sminently happy, and presently brilliant
that the Objectionable young will be the staff
Of your old age and that you will tell thousand
times over to his merry children the tale of your
aversion and repulsion. 30 the late Lord Timothy
| Dexter sent out warming pans to the West In-
dies, which warming pans, being used by the
natives to boil mOasses, came to be in great
demand and made Lord Timothy's fortune All
the same it remains that he was . silly lord, and
that successful business ID not ordinarily con-
Quoted by carrying Goals to Newcastle. In love
and in traffic in spite OF few occasional excep-
items effects may be approximately calculated
from causes. A girl, never so well trained and
| guided may fortuitously and fatuitously make q
bad match, and a girl left to herself and the mere
chances OF life may stumble into good match.
Yet, tako society through, the girl is most
likely to marry suitably whose parents arc the
head of the family who command their society,
and do not simply and indiscriminately accept
what comes who know the history. surround
| ings and character of the young who frequent
their house who cause themselves to be con-
suited and deferred to and do not consider ii the
whole duty Of the affectionate Christian parent
| to withdraw into the background and let the
| young men and maidens work out their own sal
| yation and destruction. 1t is very much to the
| credit Of Young America that it baars this test
go well, bat it would be very much to its benefit
il it were put to severe test But faith
| ers and mothers seem somt times to pro-
| coed on the assumption that because
they do not, and are not in the slightest
degree moved to fall in love with young man or
| = young woman therefore their son and dkugh. e.
ters will not. So they suffer the approach, they
even themselves invite the presence of young
| people out of kindness or indifference OF indo-
| lent compaiEence, or for their own convenience
young people whose careless occasional company
is not disagreeAbls to them, is perhaps rathe
| agreeable they would not for an instant conteIn-
| plate and some fine morning they awaken and
find to their dismAy that John aud Jennie thst
sophie and Sam, have contracted an irresist able
affection for each other aud rssoutely de-
termined to be married buried forthwith
Why should they not indeed Why should the
| father rage, and the mo- her imagine vain
things? 1t is quite in the natural course Of
events and the parentA set the ball ia motion
should be very far frsm saying that
man or maiden takes whoever comes to hand
/ but every one knows that coutguity is an i'm
nense force in that process which is calleC
) failing in love" If the parent furnished tn,
= contiguity why should they complain Of til,
= consequences? 1t would be too bald and other
wise inadequate TO to say that il parents vii
not exert themselves to make good matches fo
their children they need snot be chagrinod i
I the children make bad matches. In a country
where marriage is assumed to be founded OF
Il love. aud permits no outward resources a to,
= active Intervention in procuring 1t might bi
dangerous; but there Is neither danger no
8 | unNlBdon IN every parents doing everything
| in his power to secure the opportunity and In
= probably of his child s marrying well If he mar
Q red at all 1t Is not dangerous for tue father t
d supplement the daughters ineIperience for tn
mother her sons, with their own experience
They may NOT be continually appearing on til
stage as the Deus er Htdchtnd but 1t is in thel
L power to do behind the curtain great deal O
skillful prudent aud perfectly honorable wor
to make this drama Of the lives run smoothly I
10 the emo.
a One thing at least they can insist on, that a
, engagement shall be no engagement, but only a
:, arrangement, aud that marriage alone shall /
I rrevocable. As | have said this must be don
a by the elders. The youngsters in their ect az
ia will vow right and left, and l suppose we may a
well say with Mrs. Browning, 'Oh lovely lad,
let them yoU!' but let the parents maintai
It rising up early and maintaining it, that thes
q VOWS have no force and no power beyond III
h moment that they are issued. Say to the youn
L man, Il am quite willing you should marry m
~ daughter if you both continue in the Same mint
hut il, at any moment between this and the hou
OF your marriage, her feelings change sha
an hold you in like manner free. l hold YOU bot
: free to fall in love with other PERSONS or to re
III linquish the society of each other without givin
to any reason and without incurrng any re proach
g. Does this seem to give up the trusting girl
q, theseyes OF the gay deceiveT, make her tic pre-
VI of the tickle and the fasc2 think that trustin
le girl has rather had her day, and her ghost may
re well be dismissed, But even the trusting girl
ii. not half so much the prey of the firt who trte
with and deserts her, as of the flirt wins marie
Ia her because he lacks the courage not to- faffe
ic tion and attraction cannot stand the strain
,e association before marriage without bond it
not likely to stand it after marriage with a bon
d However much OF yigor and rigor it may be meet
- full to infuse into marriage VOWS, l see no eyi
L. ~. a