Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-07-11
II UMOR


A man in Buffalo, only nineteen years
old, married twice last week, and was very
much surprised that anybody should arrest
him for bigamy. But his last marriage was
on Friday, and of course, that was 'nn-
lucky The two unhappy wives, mean
while. being confronted with each other,
quarreled about him, each declaring that
she didn't want him, and the other Shouldn't
have him.
They must have had cloud" time at
college commencement in Indianola, Iowa
last week. A girl ppeued the exercises
with an GRAFTON on the Congressional Sal
airy Grab. the poet laureate of the occasion
followed it up by a vivid description of the
throne Of peraitlon and the closing speske
dwelt on the Progress Of Republics Amid
the ruins Of Empire"
This is from the Savannah advertiser"
ian old lady selling eggs ye.t rday, asked,
as is usual, What's the news 2" The
latest said the obliging clerk, sis that the
Yankees have the Modocs" The old lady
struck her nuekles on the counter aud ex
claimed +: II hope the last one will die OF
it,"
Baltimore boys know what fun is A
crowd of them covered cat with robe of
tar and hemp, the other night, aud then set
ire to it, causing the animnl to Go son,e
startling gymnastics and sing dive. ting
dirge. Baltimore wants few more mon.
uments, boys sizes,
A young man in suburban town sent off
his first postal card on Thursday morning
After writing message on the back, he en-
closed it in an envelope, clapped on three
cent stamp, and dropped it into the postoffice,
remarking that it was very handy arrange.
ment and should have been introduced
years ago.
The following gem of descriptive writing
was penned by an Illinois reporter in his
description of recent wedding. He says,
1.-THE Mayor galooted up the church aisle,
swashying and gyrating like Chinese Joss
with the JIM
There is something in dreams after all.
A Western man dreamed that his brothers
head was cut of without losing drop of
blood, and the next day he learned that his
brother had been removed from postmas.
tership.
The Congregationalsts of New Hamp.
shire have appointed committee to present
their protest to the Boston and Maine Rail-
way against carrying The cream of New En-.
gland society in milk trains" on Sunday.
The grocer in Augusta Ca, who sold a
can of potash for condensed milk, is to be
prosecuted as soon as his unfortunate patron
RECEIVERS sufficient GOODNESS to employ law
yer.
A physician stopped at the shop of ooun-
try apothecary and inquired for pharma.
cop@pia. ''Sir,' said the apothecary, Il
know Of no such farmer living about these
parts. No one of that name belongs to nv
Grange"
A country editor has answered the ques-
ton. "What is the use of dogs ?" He says
wait until man hangs round your Office
for four days, reading exchanges and prof
tering good advice, and then you'll know
what dog is good for.
The authorities at West Point have en-.
tered an Indictment against the cadets loau-
ing their sashes and other military adorn
ments to young ladies, and great is the
force of feminine indigna ion.
Beethoven's brother useo to sign his name
lyon Beethoven, land owner" to distiu.
guish himself from his less thrifty brother,
who retorted by signing 'Von Beethoven,
brain-owner.
Connecticut papers protest that after sll
the pother made over the laxity OF their
marriage laws, only 464 divorces were
granted in that State last year not SO much
as one and half day.
Since the police of Philadelphia have got
in the habit Of shooting at the mayor, as he
sneaks up the alleys at night, when watch
ing the guardians Of the place, he has re.
leased his vigilance.
Salt Lake mothers, since the dep rture Of
the circus, and it necessary to pour lead into
the shoes Of their boys to prevent their heels
{ S 81 gG mai thfj5 besf1 to ony small
instantaneous sagacity;" but he never dared
to say that to woman who had practiced
with dumb BELLS
Charles O'Conor asked a muiatto how
who was witness in the Walworth case.
lid he give you a cross look ?" To which
the lad replied, "Not half so cross as YOU do
now"
1t is said that the portraits of "prominent
scholars published in Frank Leslie,s
"Boys' and Girls Weekly" cost the bows
fathers only $50 each.
Stealing money is serious business ont
here" says Colorado paper, '.but you can
Kill man and all they ask is that you don't
leave him in the way"
1t is notable fact that the first victim of
cholera in indianapolis was bar tender.
who wore diamond pin, and had. taken
other precautions against the plague.
And this is how Kentucky girl accosts
her acquaintance "Well, how ara Won ,
Who do you love. and who do you know !"
When Duluth man is touched with
sun-stroke, his friends carry him down to
the barbor and spread him out fiat on the
ice.
Since the postal cards were introduced
postmistresses are not getting an average of
more than three hours sleep day.
A man in New York has watch which
ne CLAIMS has gained time enough to pay for
Itself in six months.
Illinois malcontents blame the fifteenth
amendment for an epidemic of "black mea.
sles."