Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-11-15
"ABoLT TALwAYsIS ORDER.
Now Mrs. Squills Got Even with
Squills.

From the St. Louis Republican.
Squills declares that his wife is al
ways taking some kind Of mean ad-
vantage of him. The best woman in
the world, sir, says Squiil, but now
and then she will act mean, and she
can't help it."
Last Saturday at breakfast" said
Squills, she was as smiling as bun
die of chips"
Are your chops done to your lik-
ing, Squills, dear?"
Deliciously, my love"
l broiled them myself. dear"
knew it was going to be hot, said
Squills, and when / got into the hall
TO leave, Mrs. Squills was there with
my hat in one hand and my overcoat in
the other.
Squills DEAR she began.
thought 1t time to pitch in here
said Squills, :" so | said quietly
How much Mrs. Sqnills? Out
with it, my love-
T" Mr, Squills, said she, don't be
unmanly sir, beg; not to say ridieu-
lous. Gussy wants silk dress to 90 to
church in; the poor child really isn't
decent-'you are very sorry, we'll. so
you ought to be. Let her say her
prayers at home No, Mr.. Squills, she
shan I stay at home, and she shan't say
her prayers, and Mr.. Squills, you're
enough to agravate a saint, and your
conduct is digusting, and its enough to
drive woman to bolt right off to Chi
cago and get divorce"
:" L thought this was a good time to
fire off my pet joke" said Squills, $50
| said. Mrs. Squills, bolt is always
in order Then l bolted myself, for
Mrs. Squills comes of fighting fami-
ly."
when | went home at night, Gus
sy, dear child, played all my pet Often
bach music, and knew / was in for
the dress, only | wanted to hold out
till morning, just for the look of the
thing"
" For FIVE years after we we're mar
ried, said Squills, Mrs. s. would per-
sist in looking under the bed for man.
It's the same man every woman looks
for, / suppose, because they all do il.
Well, failing to find the man, Mrs.
Squills finally gave him up in disgust
and took to something else. | sup
pose, said Squills they all take to
something else after they can Il find the
man under the bed. Mrs. Squills'
weakness is boiling the door. Mr..
Squills have you bolted the door? is
always the last thing at night.
This particular night, said Squills,
" Mrs. 5. was very dignifed and dis
tant. No familiarities, Mr.. Squills. if
you please; you wounded my feelings in
their tenderest point this morning. and
| cannot forget, though you did, that |
am your wife, sir, and the mother of
your children, Mr.. Squills.
This was pitching it uncOmonly
strong, you know, said Squills, and
was about to surrender, when Mrs.
Squills turned off the gas and then
coiled herself up in pet, somewhere
on the outside bed-rail. Not even
good might, Squills.' | felt pretty
bad about it, can tell you, but / went
to sleep | don't know how long / had
slept, but some time, when / expert
enced kick in the back, as ifa play
full mule had been tanning me. Per-
haps il was necessary, as Ialways slept
hard"
Mr.. Squills," at last I heard Mrs.
s. say, Mr.. Squills, have you bolted
the door?'
Now leave it to any man." said
Squills, appealingly, whether that is
the correct thing for the mother of
family to do? Of course / got up and
bolted the internal door, and | said,
Mrs. Squills. why the deuce didn't
you think of boiling the door before
went to sleep, and not wake up a man
in the middle of cold night to do it?'
And what do you suppose her answer
was2"
Why, Mr.. Squills,' she said, I
thought bolt was always in order"
What did / say? What could
ssy1 And the worst .of it all" said
Squills, I'll be hanged if she wasn't
laughing at me; | could feel the bed