The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-04
ANECDOTES.

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LINCOLN AND SEwARD.-A lady once
went to Mr.. Stewards Office with note to
this effect " Let this woman have SlOO on
account of the secret service fund, and send
her on her mission" The note was signed
A. L." 1t is well known that Congress
votes the President from 100000 to $780,
600 annually as a secret service fund. Of
this the Secretary of State is the custodian.
He must countersign the Presidents order,
or not dollar of the fund can be used.
But after the President receives the money
nobody can inquire what he does with it.
MIR. Seward inquired of the woman what
secret service she was to perform that would
justify his paying her Sl00. "Well, she was
going to England to create public senti-
ment there in favor of our country" The
case was what MIR. Seward supposed. The
woman had been hanging round the White
House, botheriDg the life out of the Presi-
dent, and to get rid of her he proposed to
give her one hundred dollars. al can give
you no money for such purpose" said the
Secretary of State. "Your services are
worth nothing" The lady was not only in
dignant, but astonished. $50 you refuse
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And you are a greater man than Mr..
Lincoln and when he says let me have
300 of his own money, you say | shan't
have it." Well, madam, if the President
wants to give you $l0O out of his own
salary, he has a perfect right to do it ;
but you can have no money out of the
secret service fund for such an Grand"
Give me my papers, Sir" said the ex-
cited lady; and off she started to find the
President. Mr.. Lincoln groaned as she
crossed the threshold: Well, what now?"
Mr.. Seward won't give the money; and
she told her story. "Well, madam" said
the President, " 1 can do no more for you.
| told you l had very little influence with
this administration
ANECDoTE OF BARNUM.-P. T. Barnum's
band in its palmy days was celebrated for
doing the worst playing heard. Some one
asked Barnum why he did not get better
He said the idea was to have them play so
badly that every body would pay a quarter
to get inside where they could not hear the
music(?. 1t was also profitable, as the fol-
lowing anecdote goes to show:
One morning the papers contained an ad-
vertisement, Wanted, a trombone player
for Barnum's Balcony Band. Apply be-
tween ten and two at the Office of the Mu-
scum So about eleven o'clock the door
opened, and trombone entered and a man
behind it.
You want trombone player?" said
the newcomer.
Yes," said Mr. Barnum
What is the place worth ?" said the ap-
plicant.
"Oh, about twenty-five dollars week,
suppose" answered Barnum.
Very well, l should like it."
All right" said Barnum.
So all the week through the trombone
was at its post. Then came Saturday, and
MIR. Green, the trombone player, presented
himself for his salary. Mr. Barnum handed
him paper on which was written
"Mr. P. Green,
To P T. Barnum, DR..
To playing trombone on his balcony one
week Observation-Disclosures. .$25OO.
Aug. ii, 1852. Reed paym't."
Mr.. Green read the bill and smiled, and
then looked at Barnum.
"Well," said Mr.. Barnum, it's all right,
isn't it?
"Why," said Green, ." the amount is right,
but you have made such funny mistake.
You make me the debtor instead of you"
81 see no mistake in that" said Barnum.
You are the one that has made mistake.
You see, the case is this. There are good
many gentlemen in this city who are fond
of practicing on brass instruments, but they
can not do SO at home on account of the
neighbors' objections. So l furnish them
room on my balcony a number of hours per
day, where it does no harm, the street being
so very noisy, and they pay me sum per
week for my trouble in keeping the organi-
zation full You must have thought me
green to hire and pay such an Internal poor
lot of players. However, as you appear to
have been honestly mistaken, you can pay
me ten dollars this week but hereafter
can make no reduction"
Mr.. Green did not play the second week.
PHYsICANs-Physicians have their &C.
centricitles, and not unfrequently they ap-
pear in the odd manner in which they
collect their fees. A well.known medical
man once sent in his annual bill for serv-
ices rendered in the family of a particu-
lar friend, when, in point Of fact, he had
not been in the house professionally dur
the entire year. The bill was paid as
usual, but when the head of the family
met the doctor, he remarked, Doctor, /
got your bill the other day, but l don't
remember that any of US have been sick
this year"
Very likely not" replied the buff man
of science; but l stopped several times
at the area gate, and inquired of the serv-
ants how you all were."
Another physician, who was for many
years one of the prominent medical men
in New York, is said to have once sent
in bill for three hundred and forty-two
dollars and ninety-two cents or some SINH
larly odd sum. This curious bill was also
paid, but when the patient met his physician
he inquired, How, doctor, did you ever get
that odd ninety-two cents in my bill?"
"Oh,' said the doctor, that is easily ex-
planned. My grocer's bill was Just for that
amount, and l knew of no one who would so
cheerfully pay it as yourself, and SO l made
one pay the other.
During the great fire in Chicago, one of
the most serious difficulties the firemen had
to contend with was the loss of the water
supply, which occurred at an early hour after
the outbreak of the flames, by the disabling
of the reservoir. The Chicago water works
were situated in the heart of the city, and
were justly the pride of the inhabitants; but
being overtaken by the fire, they were rem
dered completely useless. Lake Cochituate,
which supplies Boston with wateris situated
about twenty miles from the city, and from
receiving reservoir in Brookline, about fif-