The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-04-11

| "A Wretcned art1SG, VINO InOugnl
himself an excellent painter, was talk
ing pompously about decorating the
ceiling of his saloon. I am whitewash.
ing it, said he, and in a short time ]
shall begin painting. think you had
better, replied one of his audience,
paint it first, and then whitewash it.
An exchange has discovered that
pet and other names may be thus utiliz-
ed: For a sports wife, Betty for q
lawyers wife, Sue; for teamster's
wife, Carrie; for a shoemaker's wife,
Peggy; for an auctioneer's wife, Bid
dy; for a chemists wife, Ann Eliza
| the wife of Credit Mobilier congress
man, 'Lize.
Some people are as careful of their
troubles as mothers are of their babies
they cuddle them, and rock them, and
hug them, and cry over them, and fly
into passion with you if you try to
take them away from them they want
you to fret with them, and to help them
to believe that they have been worse
treated than anybody else.
If we were asked to sum up in one
simple rule what would most conduce
to beauty in the human face, we should
say, therefore" Never tamper with
your smile never once use it for pur-
| pose. Let it be on your face like the
reflection of sunlight on a lake. But
unlike the sunlight, your goodwill
An Akron (O.) cat, relying upon
| his nine lives to save him, allowed his
| tail to swell, his spine to curve, and
with the "banner cry of hell" emanat-
ing from his jaws, waded into a buzz
| i -
er seen again, but the boss sawyer, who
| always stood with his mouth wide opne
| while at work, remarked to his assistant
that he could "taste fiddle strings and
saugage meat in the air that morning. !"
must be perpetual, and your face must
never be over cast.
"A Quaker traveller, arriving at an
inn, called for some porter, and, observ-
ing the pint deficient in quantity, ad-
dressed the landlord: Pray, friend,
how many butts of beer dost thou draw
in month Ten, sir, replied Boniface.
And thou wouldst like to draw eleven
if thou couldst? reioined Ebenezer.
Certainly, exclaimed the smiling land
lord. Then 1 will tell the how, added
the Quaker thy measures.
Society is commonly too cheap.
We meet at@very short intervals, not
having had time to acquire new value
for each other. We meet at meals three
times day, and give each other a new
taste of that old musty cheese that we
are. We have had to agree on certain
set of rules called etiquette and polite
ness, to make the frequent meeting toll
erable and that we need not come to
open war.-H d. ThoreGu.
-Crochev for ladies Take a small
thread of fact. Spin it out as long as
you can, and wind it about as rapidly
as possible over the reel of fancy !;
tangle it up with a variety of hooks !;
put it about the ears of as many of your
female friends as will stand to have the
operation performed, and the result will
be a splendid piece of crochet-work,
which will be of the utmost service as a
pattern-to be universally avoided.
-Education, in its widest sense, is
the business of every life, the end and
aim of all human endeavor. The de-
velopment of spirit, the deepening of
consciousness, the Identification of the
individual mind with universal truth
in other language, the salvation of the
soul, is the end to which all else is but
means. If life has any significance at
all, it is the process of education, the
education of the individual, and,
through the individual, of the race
II. II. Morgan.
A Horseback Ride.
The stories of the wit of the late Col.
Isaac 0. Barnes are numerous, but, to
be fully appreciated, need the colonel's
peculiar voice and dry manner, familiar
to those who used to know him. The
following anecdote we do not remember
to have seen in print
The colonel, it seems had been re-
commended to take horseback exercise
for the benefit of his health, by his
physician, and accordingly applied at
well known stable for the animal.
81 want regular trottiong horse, to
ride for my health, this afternoon.
Certainly, colonel" said the polite
proprietor; and Judging from the custo-
mer's physique, and ga horse to ride
for health, gave him one of the hardest
trotting horses in the establishment,
upon which Barnes mounted and bump
ed off toward the country.
In about three hours he retured, cover
ed with dust and perspiration, and,
with the assistance of one of the hostlers
slowly and painfully descended from
his steed.
Limping into the stable office, and
holding on to the lower part of his back
with one hand, he looked into the sta
ble-keeper's inquiring face, and ejacu-
lated simply, Chow much?"
"Three dollars, was the reply.
He slowly drew his wallet, and laid
down tho ra0uirpd suu
"Shall you want the horse again to-
morrow, colonel?"
"No, I shan't want him tomorrow"
"Perhaps the day after tomorrow ?"
"No; / shan't want him any more at
all"
"Indeed p said the stable-keeps,
with twinkle in his eye, as he noted
Barnes holding on to his lacerated body.
Perhaps the horse don't suit you"
"Oh, yes," said Barnes, quickly;
"there's nothing the matter with the
horse; he's all right. It's the price
object to-"
"The price p said the stable-keeper,
"why, only charged you three dollars,
colonel, which we consider cheap for the
horses services all the afternoon.
"Well, I DON'T" squealed Barnes,
rubbing his aching body, "for whenever
1 want anything of this kind again I
know big Irishman who will kick me
behind all day for half the money"
OUR CONTROL OVER DISEASE.
ing into consideration the fact that it is
within the power of sanitary regulations
to prevent yellow fever, as was shown
in New Orleans while under occupancy
during the late war by the Union forces
for more than two years, where over
100000 unacclimated soldiers were
stationed, or passed through the city,
without a single case of the disease
originating there; that it is possible to
stamp out the germs of Asiatic cholera
and smallpox, and say, "Thus far shalt
thou go, and no farther - and taking
into consideration that the average |
duration of life has extended during the |
past two centuries from 10 to 81 years,
by slow appreciation and imperfect |
application of sanitary law alone TAX |
ing these, and many other facts of a |
like character, into consideration, it |
does not seem too much to say that it is |
within the power of any one with a
moderately good constitution to say
whether he will choose to cut short his