The Portland daily press., 1873-10-31
Chicago.
SOME DIsREspEcTFUL REMARKS.

Somebody, calling himself "St. Louis
Chap" writes as follows: Chicago, when
first discovered was nearly on level with
the lake, but the first Board of Aldermen
that was elected raised the grade forty feet.
Every successive Board elected have felt it
incumbent upon them to go few feet bet
ter than their predecessors, and the result is
the present location of the city on a high
bluff with the best drainage of any city in
the world. The surroundings of the city are
probably the most beautiful of any in the
world. Lincoln Park has the finest natural
scenery of any park in the world, besides
having the finest collection of wild animals
to be found on the continent. 1t is said that
Barnum has succeeded in securing the col
lection, including the wonderfol artesian
well, for his great show. Chicago people be-
come enthusiastic over Lincoln Park when
describing its wonderful natural beauties.
Chicago is the greatest railroad centre in
the United States; every road of any irlpor.
tance has to centre there. Wisconsin has
been struggling along for the last few years
teebly trying to make Milwaukee their rail-
road centre, but finally had to cave and cen
tire in Chicago. The Pacific railroads, the
Atlantic Gable, the Gulf Stream. the Equa-
tor and the North Pole also centre there.
The Pyramids of Egypt, the Leaning Tower
the Giants Causeway, and Suez Canal, and
the Credit Mobile would have been built
it they could have stood the taxes and found
a sufficiently permanent foundation.
Chicago has the best governed and most
efficient Police Department in the world, not
excepting Paris, being run alternately by the
Mayor and Board OF Police Commissioners
in perfect harmony. Villains give that city,
wide berth, knowing the certainty Of de-
or,I ioto
committing any little irreguiarity, within the
limits of the municipality. There is so little
use for policemen in Chicago that the Legis-
lature are thinking of aboshing the Board
of Police Commissioners.
1t is currently reported land believed by
| Chicagoans) that siI ce the great fire the city
contains about 100000 inhabitants. This,
| no doubt, includes Milwaukee and Bridge
| port, two suburban villages contiguous to
! that municipality There are no poor peo-
! pie in the city; those that were not burned
! up were Immediately passed out of the city
| by the railway companies, and have not been
| able to get back since. 1t is generally sup
posed in the rural districts that Mrs. o Lea
ry's COW was hired to kick over the lamp as a
Chicago advertising dodge. Mrs. O'Learys
COW was examined by the Board of Police
Commissioners, and testified positively that
there was no shindy going on at the time.
The destruction was ordered, undoubtedly,
ior similar reasons alleged for the destruction
of Sodom in Bible times. 1t was 50 believed
bv Bostonians until quite recently.
The carpenters and brick-masons of Chi
! cago, however, intend erecting magnificent
| brazen image of the COW, in commemoration
of the best kick their unions ever had. This
monument will be erected as soon as a piece
of real estate can be found within the lity
limits large enough Tor the COW to stand upoo
that is not mortgaged for more than it would
be worth at a liberal estimate ten years hence.
We understand George Fraucis Train has ex-
pressed an opinion that the COW win have to
be erected in au adjoining county. But
Georse is undoubtedly prejudiced against
Chicago having hashed in their bastile.