Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1873-05-17
A Dnnhnr, Mat "a Is,s WIZ udse
Al EitSounter With the FnmiIy stove
mud Pipiug-The Stove Victorious.
From the Daabury News


Putting up stove is not so difficult in
itself. 1t is the pipe that IA ises four fifth.
of the mischief snd all the dust. You may
take down stove with all the care in The
world, and have your wife pitt away the
| tlpe Ia secufe place, and yet that pipe
won't come together again as it was before
YoH find this cut when you are standir 6
on chair with your arms full OF pipe aid
your mouth full of SCOT Your wife j.
standing on the floor in q position that
enables her to see yon, The pipe, and the
clair,. aud here sac gives utterance to
those remarks thatarr calculated to hasten
a man into the extremes of insanity. llei
dress is pinned over her waist, and her
hands rest on her hips. Shs has got one
Of your hats on her head, and your linen
coat on her back, and pair OF your rub.
bers on her net. There is about five CT mt S
worth Of pot black on her nose, and Il lot
of -four Oh her chin, and altogether she is
a spectacle that would inspire dead ma n
with distrust. And while you are up there
trying to circun vent the awful contrari-
ness Of The pipe, aud telling that you know
some fool has been mixing it, she stands
sa fcly On the acot and bsmbsrds you with
suca domestic notices as "W hats the
! use of swearing So" "lou know no one
has touched that piPe;" You ala t got any
mere patience than child" "Do be care
full Of that chair" And then she u rs of
and re appears with au armiul of more
pipe, anu before you are aware Of IL she
has yrt tsat pipe SO horribly mixed up
that it does cem no two pieces are
alike. in
You join the ends, and work them to
and fro, and to and fro again, and then
you take them apart and look at the M.
Then you spread one ont and jam the other
together, und mount them once more. But
il is no 20. You begin TO think tue pieces
are irst.rsd With lifo, and ache to K lex
them through the window. But she doesn I
lose her patience. she goes around vith
that awiully e1asperaiing rigging en-,
with length Of pipe under each arm, and
a long-ha ndied broom IN her hand, and
says she don't know how il is same people
never have my II euslc putting up slo-s,
Thcr yo,. Hiss the hammer. Yeu don't
see it anywhere. You stare into the pipe
along the nantel and down on the stove,
and off 10 the floor. Your wife watches
you, aud is finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are looking after, and
on learning, pulls the article from her
pocket. Then you feel as though you
could 20 out doors and swear hole twelve
feet square through q block of brick
bui iidings, bat she merely observes: "Wby
ON earth do1't you speak when you want
anything, and not stare around like a
dummy" When that part Of the pipe
which goes through the wall Is up, she
keeps ii up with her broom, while you are
making the connection, and stares at 1t
with an intensity that is entirely uncailed
for. All the while your position is becom-
ing more and more interesting. The pipe
don't 70 together, Of course. The soot
shakes down into your eyes and mouth,
the sweat rolls down our lace and tickle
your chin as il drops off, and IL seems as
if your arms are slowly but surely ORA W.
ing out of their sockets.
Here Jour wife comes to the rescue by
inquiring if you are going TO be all day
doing nothing, and if you think her arms
are made Of cast iron, and then tho broom
slips off the pipe, and~in her endeavor 10
recover her hold she jobs you under tae
chin with the handle, and the pipe comes
down on your head with its load Of fried
SCOT, and then the char tilis forward
enough to discharge your feat, and you
come down on the wrong end of that chair
with q force that would bankrupt pile
driver. You don't touch that stove again.
You leave your wife examining the chair
and bemosning its injuries, aud go in 10
the kitchen and wash your Skim ed and
bleeding hands with yellow SOAP. Then
YOU go down street after a man 10 do the
business, and your wife goes over to the
neighbors with her chair, tells them about
its injuries, and drains the ncighborhood
dry of its iymPathiss long before you &c t
home.