New-York tribune., 1873-01-09

bish which no took for humor, and accompany ~
| with contortions of his undertaken ceuntenance
| which he believed to be comic expression!
He began in the islands as little, obscure lawyer,
and rose ~ 10 DO such many-sided oi1cial grandee
that sarcastic fox dubbed him, the wheels Of the
| Government" He became great man in a pigmy
andhe was of the caliber that other countries con-
struct corstables and coroners Of do not wish to
seem prejudiced against Harris and | hope that
nothing have said viii convey such an impression.
must be an honest historian, and to do this in the
present case 1 have to reveal the fact that this
| stately figure, which looks so like Washington
monument in the distance, is nothing but thirty
dollar windmill when you get close 10 him.
Harris loves to proclaim that he is no longer an
American, and is proud of it, that he is Hawaiian
through and through and is proud of that, too and
that he is willing subject and servant of his lord
and master the King and proud and grateful that
il is so.
WHY WE SHOULD ANNEX.
Now, let us annex the islands Think how we
could build up that whaling tradei Though under
our courts and judges it might soon be as impossible
for whaleships to rendezvous there without being
leeced and pulled" by sailors and pettfoggers as
it now is in San Franciscoa place the shippers shun
as they would rocks and shoals Let us annex. We
could make sugar enough there to supply all America,
perhaps and the prices would be very easy with the
duties removed. And then we would have such fine
halfway house for our Paciic-pyng ships; and such
a convenient supply depot and such commanding
sentry-box for an armed squadron and we could
raise cotton and coffee there and make 1t pay pretty
we'll with the duties OFT and capital easier to get at.
And then we would own the mightiest volcano on
eartb-Kilaueal Barnum could run 1.-THE under
stands fires now Let us annex. by all means We
could pacify Prince Bill and other mobiles easily
enough--put them a reservation. Nothing pieases
a savage like a reservation-a reservation where ne
has his annual hoes, and Bibles and blankets to
trade for powder and whisky sweet Arcadian re-
treat fenced in with soldiers. BY annexing, we
would get all those $1,000 natives cheap dirt with
their morals and other diseases thrown in. No ex-
pense for education-they are already educated; no
need to convert them-they are already converted
no expense to clothe then-for obvious reasons.
We must annex those people. We can athict them
with our wise and beneheent government. we can
introduce the novelty Of thieves, all the way up
from street-car pickpockets to municipal robbers
and Government defaulters. and show them how
amusing it is TO arrest them and try them and
then turn them loose-some for cash and some for
political influence" We can make them ashamed
of their simple and primitive justice. We can do
away with their occasional hangngs for murder and
let them have Judge Pratt to teach them how to
save lmpe11leU ANcIy-aSSasSlHS W ooOiOog' W.
can give them some Barnards TO keep their
money corporations out of difficulties. We can
give them juries composed entirely of the
most simple and charming leatherheads
We can give them railway corporations who will
buy their Legislatures like old clothes. and run over
their best citizens and complain of the corpses for
smearing their unpleasant juices on the track. In
place of harmless and vaporing Harris we can give
them Tweed We can let them have Connolly we
can loan them Swoeny; we can furnish them some
jay Goulds who win do away with their old-time
notion that stealing is not respectable We can con-
fer Woodhun and Clahin them. And George
Francis Train. We can give them lecturers! will
go myself
We can make that little bunch of sleepy islands
the hottest corner on earh and array it in the moral
spendor of our high and holy civilization. Annexa-
ton is what the poor islanders need. Shall We to
men benighted, the lamp of life denyp
Hartford, Jan. g. 1873. MARK TWAIN