Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-03-28


odds? / couldn't afford 'em if they wos
only five bob a ton.-Yours, A TRAMP.
Sir,-Penny dolls are cheap Goals are
not. Let Us burn penny dolls My recol-
lections of the last Derby convince me that
the supply is ample, and the article within
the reach Of the poorest.-Yours, &c,
A THEoRsT
CAUSES or LAuGHTER.-lf wit ever un-
masks moral feeling it performs its noblest
function, and imparts very rare pleasure to
the mind. Abraham Lincoln was the man
to do that thing, as when, for instance, ont
in Illinois, defending fugitive slave, he
said, - Gentlemen, it Is very singular that
the courts Of this State viii hold that man
never loses his right TO his property that has
been stolen from him but that he instantly
loses the right to himself if he Is stolen. -
1t has sometimes seemed TO me that this ac
cidental congruity of wit Is sometimes en-
HANGED by droll incompetence of under
standing. as shown in the behavior of the
one who hears it. For instance on a very
hot day sydney Smith answered the com
plaint of a lady about the weather by say
ing, .. Yes, hot indeed For nv Iart |
wish could take off my flesh and sit in my
bones" That Is something more than a
ludicrous extravaganza. The wit extends to
the congruity OF taking the clothes off Of
the flesh. and .here l. Just one electric in
slant when this seemed not only possible.
but rather desirable But it Is enhanced 70
Us when we remember the puzzled look Of
the lady who only saw an indelicacy in that
which was delicate to the pitch Of ghastli-
nes.. 1t is stripped, for that matter, to the
very last rag of that thing-prudery
s. Charles Lamb said. when a gentleman re-
marked that he was a matter-Ol-tact man,
' For my part, | am a matter-oi-lie man.
The effect of the surprise was increased 10y
seeing that one Of the hearers put on the
proper shocked expression. Thus ! think
YOU Will notice that the rIillery Of Falstaif
owes half its excellence to Dame Quigleys
| constant miSInterpretation. for this reflects
| back upon it the only Wit which 1t did not
| have before. Thus the grim irony of Ham
| let. after killing Polonius, in replying 10 the
/ king. d" The old man has gone 10 supper.
| The eourtierS know he Is killed, but they
cannot take the point of Hamlet'S answers.
| In a play of Douglass Jerr0ld. an old sailor,
| irving To snatch a kiss from a maid, received
a box on the ear &c There, said he. " that
| Is my luck always wrecked on the coral
reefs - and good As it Is, the joke Is great
| " enhanced when we learn that the mana
ger. when the play was read to him in the
/ Crcen-room, could not see the pun, and in
| sisted upon Jerrod's striking it out This
nconsciousnesS of being a source Of wit in
| Others may become source Of wit itself.
| There must almost be complete uncon-
soiousneSS of the perpetration Of " bull. =.
| sydney Smith SAYS that our pleasure arising
! from ' bull proceeds from our surprise at
| Suddenly discovering things to be dissimilar
1 which We had thought to be- similar.
/ gentleman. in speaking Of a nobleman. la
mented very much that he had no children.
/ 4 medical gentleman said that to have no
children was perhaps a great misfortune. but
/ he had remarked that it was hereditary in
some families. think that the palm for
| this Involuntary wit must be given 10 that
! old lady in New Bedford who heard of the
cheapness of the manufacture Of oils and the
/ great increase in the use Of them, which
threatened to drive sperm oil out Of the
market - Dear me- she cried, - q the
poor whales-what viii they do" When
Wit creates temporary excitement. the
shock diSsolyeS in enjoyment and gives a
spring to life. We suddenly open to an e.
cape from the drudgery Of our daily strug-
! giles. We find way to elude, for mo-
ment, our tasks and find n smile. 1t Is a
momentary beguilement and we are cheated
into a belief. for a moment, that there Is not
a care in the world. Ii it a tonic created
for us and saves us from despair.-John
Wass.
The Sunny HoME-l know a room where
sunshine always fingers. and there isa breath
Of Summer and mignonette in the air when
ever think of it. There a tired man comes
home, and throws off oyercoat and hat with
out looking to see what becomes of them.
There Is "A broad table in the light, Strewn
/ with papers and magazines and women :
4 work. with a litter of roSe-leayes dropping
\ over them from central vase There i Il
F., wide sofa Of the DAYS Of the Georges. fresh
| covered in chintz, with ferns and harebels
for pattern, and the tired man goes down
| there with great ruiiled pillow under his
/ shoulders, and opens parcels and letters,
| dropping them a. he gets through on the
! floor, the most natural place for them. \
! girl has been painting and her water colors
aDd paper lie on side table, Just As she left
them TO rush away for an imprOmptu ride
| haze never been able 10 discover any disar-
rangement of the household economy by this
light Somebody left a shawl on a chair
There will be nothing said about it at break
fast next morning There are no laws here
against playing with the curtain tassel, no
regulations as to how often the snowy muslin
curtains may be put up or let down. They
do not last the season out, crisp and -peck-
less as our neighbors do across the way. but
the only consequence Is they are oftener new
a I'D clean There is nothing very fine about
tn L; house. but things are renewed oftener
and look brighter than they do in statelier
hou se.s The chairs have no particular place,
and anybody feels at liberty to draw the sofa
ont when it pleases him There is no prim-
ness about the place, If there is grass on
the lawn. it is meant to be walked on, and
the geraniums are fondled and petted and
careSsed as if they were children. Do YOU
know there Isl magnetism in green leaves
and growing flowers derived from the earth
heart, that ma kes i: good TO handle and feel
them? This house is known as the place
where one dares 10 be late at breakfast
There as no ceremony of waiting. CCffe,
and cakes are put where they will be hot
the table is cleared to suit the hOusekeeper' :,
convenience and small one set for a lat,
conner. Nobody lies awake at night till tn,
light ceases to shine under YOUR chamber
door, if you want to sit up and read youl
novel through There is an unwritten law
of convenience for the household, which regu
lates everything better than any code Ma
poleonic. And the benefit Ofallowing peopl
10 be law unto themselves is. that they ar,
much better natured about it when they d,
obey. There is indulgence and repose il
this lovely home, and a great deal of TIM
! for things which most people cut short, al
hours play with the children, " righ
down good chat with a neighbor, a day o
letter-writing once a fortnight And tn
worth of these merry, comforting letter
\ quite outweighs the fact that there are ciga
4 ashes on the mantel, and pile of work oil
the sofa. Disorder does not imply dust o
soil of any kind. 1t does not include shabbi
4 ness. or mean chaos. 1t means Z" leave t,
n be''-in most cases, thinking Of people NOR,
than of things. Order is simple harmony o
few notes. Disorder is the Towering
branching melody of one theme-and tina
, one theme, individuality Shirley Dare ii
Golden Age.
The ADMINISTRATORS FATHER PUZZLED
Looking over Ben Butler's speech for Oake
Ames, we feel slightly puzzled, as the yene
rable jesse K. Grant was when reporte
4 from the New York Sun called to intervie,
ilm and claimed to be the representative 0