The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-07-11
The Local Editor.

The following is borrowed, and it is the
best we ever had local editor lend us:
"If a man buys new buggy, or if his
COW can bawl three times without winking,
the local is expected to proclaim it with a
business, his first thought is to bribe the
local with tive-cent cigar to write up a
tive-dollar puff. Indeed, he thinks it is a
mission of the local to make his fortune for
him by free blowing lie will take the
local to one side and point out the superior
qualities of a rat-tcrrier dog, and coolly ask
him to "give him a host" He don't care
anything about it, only Spriggins has a
dog which he thinks is u buster, and some
of 'em wanted his put in Just to take the
conceit out of Spriggins. Everybody wants
to be put in they are the Great I Am,
but no one says, Here, local put yourself
inside of this new suit of clothes, or throw
yourself outside this oyster stew, or stuff
this watch into your pocket Oh, on, of
course not; that would cost something.
The shoe is on the other foot, you see.-
The local is supposed to know everything
about other peoples business, and is ex-
pected to show up all the actors in every
family broil in town. If the vile tongue OF
scandal finds victim, people wonder why
he don't run about with his note book and
gather up the vituperative bits of SANDER
for his paper. If he steps into a billiard
hall he is requested to make note of the
astonishing fact that Bill Tompkins has
made a run of eleven points. When the
minstrel troupe arrives in town, the agent
Immediately rushes into the printing office,
and, calling for the local, he slips three or
four tickets in his hand, and whispers {:
DRAW us big house! Put it in strong !"
and patting him patronizingly on the shout
der, the agent admits the interiority of the
troupe, but we arc not to let on 1t is no
sin for the local to lie. To please the lee
turer the local is forced to sit two mortal
hours to hear him through an insipid dis
course SO that he can write him up And
so it goes. All are anxious to appear ia
| vorably in print, but few are willing to pay
for it !! The locals time is worth nothing,
but to bother his head writing putfs for
ambitious persons. 1t don't cost him any
thing to live. He never eats, or drinks, or
travels, and money is Of no use to him.
Put it in Put it in ~
"WHERE's THE MONEY l".-Dick Lazy
bones was the owner of a large dog which
it cost as much to keep as it would two
pigs and the dog was worse than useless,
and annoyed Dicks wife. plague take the
dog |" said she; "Mr. .Lazybones, l wish you
would sell him, or do something or other
with him; wonder you keep such an ami
NAL" "Well, well ,lmy DEAR said Dick, "say
no more about it; will get rid of him
some fine day." This was intended as a
mere get-off ON the part of Dick, but as his
wife kept daily dinging in his ears about
the dog, he was compelled to take some
order on the subject. "Well, wife," said he
one day, give sold Jowler." "Have you in
deed 2" says she, "I'm dreadful glad of it.
How much did you sell him for 2" "Fifty
dollars" "Fifty dollars What ! fifty dol.
lars for one dog 2 How glad | am But
where's the money, my love2" money ~
said Dick, shifting Longtime lazily from
his mouth, II didn't get money; took two
puppies at twenty-five dollars apiece"