The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-04-09
HUMOROUS.
A boys construction Of a proverb-
Spoil the rod and spare the child"

J .a
, A boys construction OF proverb-
"Spoil the rod and spare the child"
| Mice harm the cheese, but girl
charm the he's. The same. is true O
r their respective eating Of cheese am
cheating of he's.
When young lady dreams of
coffin, it betokens that she should in
stantly discontinue tight stays, ant
always 60 warmly clad in wet wealth
er.
} Upon the marriage Of Mrs. Wheat
> of Virginia, the editor hopes that he
path may be fowery, and that sh,
!. may never be thrashed by her hus
b..nd.
An exchange tantalizes it's readers
with this alacrity: slave you heare
.of the man who got. shot?" Go
shot? No; how did he get shot p
''He bought them"
You are a.:cowardl" a said q low
cockney to poor .countryman who
had refused to fight. '..No. I bean't,'
. said the countrymah f.a'f have moth.
ing to do with cows, I am q shep
herd"
A bachelor sea captain, who was
rrmarking the other day that he
wanted q good chiof officer, was
promptly informed ~ o lady present
that she had no objection to being
his irss.iSafS..He took the hint and
the lady.
MISS Mary. ghile enjoying a
sleigb5f ride ain MN gse. clains TO
have beenshot at wR1g di0ssp
one. of the principal thUfDdg gEatss;
No bullet marks could be discovered
on the sleigh, but a lynx-eyed police.
man found that the explosion of her
rubber hustle had caused the alarm.
Now that Amadeus is safely ont Of
Spain, he must feel pretty much as
1.-The. preacher did who "took up a col
lection" one Sunday, and found, when
his hat was returned, that there
wasn't o cent in it. II thank my
God" said he, turning the hat upside
down and tapping the crown of it
with hi hand, shat have got my
hat back from this congregation"
A man whom DR. Chalmers en-
gagged to manage a: disorderly Sunday
school. kept his eyes open during
praying, and when ono boy thrust y
pin into another, he marched up the
aisle, still praying, and cutfed that
boys ears, and went back again, still
praying. After that he was master
Of the situation, for the boys thought
that man who could watch and
pray ike that could not be put down
"Girls," said o worthy old lady to
her granddaughters, "when ever q
fellow .popst the question don't blush
taad stare at your foot. Just throw
your arms around his neck, look him
full in the face, and commence talking
about the furniture. Young fellows
are. mighty nervous. sometimes.
lost several good chances before ]
caught your fond, dear grandfather
by putting on airs, but I learnt how
to do it after a while."
| -.
THE OFFIc1ous MAN.-The oflcious
man stands around rubbing his hands
anxious for a job.
He seems tew axe for sumthing tew
do. and if he gifts snubbed il, one
place, it don't seem tew discourage
him, but, like the fly, he lights on
another
The oficious man il az free from
malice az a young pup, who, il She
kant d. anything else, IL reddy tew
luy down IN front of yu and be stept
on.
Theze kind ov men spend their
whole lives trieing tew make friends
ov all, and never succeed with any.
There il a kind ov officious man,
who il only prompted bi hiz vanity,
hiz anxiety few b. useful tew others,
don't arise from emmy goodness ov
heart, but simply from desire Of
striking biz noze into things.
Theze kind ov individuals are su-
premely disgusting.
The oficious man IL g"r orally ov
no use whatever to himself, and a
nuisance tew everybody els.
I don't kno ov but phew more un-
fortunate disposishuns than the Off
cious mans, for even in it's very best
phase, it seldom suckceeds in getting
paid for its labors with common polite.
ness.-Josh Billings.
A QUESTION FOR SCIENTIFIC MEN.
We have just discovered the reason
WHY our winters are growing colder
every year. Scsicntifc men announce
that, after giving 1he matter careful
study, they are of opinion that the
! climate of Alaska is annually grow.
ing milder. Formerly it was consid-
cred impossible to raise vegetables
there; but now the harder kinds OF
garden vegetables are cultivated with
considerable success. The experiment
has also been made of transplanting
ample trees from California, and sew.
cral trees. planted four or fve.years
ago, have already borne fruit. Oh
course this explains everything. Ever
since the United States purchased
Alaska, some five or six years ago, a
gradual amalgamation has been going
on, and Alaska has sent SHOWS and
frosts from her bountiful supply