Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-08-02
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.


WKare all apt to believe what the world |
believes about us.
THERE are possibilities which our minds |
shrink from too completely for us to fear
them.
A SUPPRESSED resolve will betray it.
self in the eyes.
WHY is it profitable to keep fowls? Be
cause for every grain they give peck.
WHAT is that which has many leaves
and no stem? A book.
THE latest Americanism is ''nuptiated."
1t is synonymous with 'married."
WHEN Is bullock's tongue like
leopard? When it's potted, OF course.
s'How to make both ends meat"-See
that neither end is bone. =.
WHAT did Adam first plant in the gar
den of Eden? His foot.
FEMALE "mediums" i'm Cincinnati are
fined $500 for dealing in spirits without
an excise license.
o THE most difficult gun to keep clean-a
fouling-piece.
New HAMPSHIRE pampers its State
prisoners with a bill of fare costing eleven
cents head per diem.
WHAT is that which no one wishes to
have and no one wishes to lose? A bald
head.
WHY is stick of candy like horse?
Because the more you lick it the faster it
goes.
A TKUToNIC frontier settler says that
the thing to do with those Indian-robbers
is to stretch them.
A KENTUCKY railway runs night ex-
press trains only, on account of the prev
alence of cholera along its route.
AMERICAN female newspaper reporters
are now found in all parts OF the world.
Sixteen went to the Vienna Exposition.
A YOUNG husband calls his wife
Birdie" because, he says, she is always
associated in his mind with bill.
WOODBRIDGE, Conn.,, has discovered a
vein of lumber, and is preparing to "do
things up brown in connection there
with.
KANSAS mosquitoes are said to reach
such gigantic magnitude that there isn't
room for more than two OF them to bite
an ordinary-sized man at once.
IT has been proved, that, after kindling
his fire, miser stuck a cork in the end
of the bellows, to save the little wind that
was left in them.
The Gentlen,an's Magazine for June con-
tains a tremendous attack on the English
IdNOTllc DcNcIdSC, Do tiiC SaooO
of national Generalization.
A YOUNG lady gave this order to her
milliner for bonnet: " You are to make
it plain, but at the same time smart, as l
sit in conspicuous place in church."
IT will fill participants in the recent
billiard tournament with hopeless envy to
know that the engineer of the railway
bridge at Louisiana, Mo-, has made
HdraWn $50 feet i'm length.
THE charge for water is higher than that
for gas in San Francisco; but as the ma
jority of the inhabitants do use gas oc-
casionally, there is much more complaint
made of the latter tax.
"SMALL thanks to you, sill" said the
plaintiff to one of his witnesses, !" for
what you said in this cause" "Ah,
SIR" said the conscientious witness, " but
just think Of what didn't say"
IT is proposed that the Grand Centen-
NAL celebration i'm Philadelphia shall be
conducted on the basis of low prices, and
be, in fact sort of Ten-centennial affair.
TIE women of several States are get
ting up petitions to be sent to Legislatures
when i'm session, asking that the property
of women may be exempted from taxa
ton. No vote, no tax, is their motto.
1T is suggested that persons who go
about with their Cashmere shawls turned
inside cut to show that they are genuine,
should adopt the custom of walking on
their heads, to show that their boots are
soled.
IT must be source of vast consolation
to men who are burning to death in q
smashed railway car, or drowning In a
wrecked steamer, to think that the cause
of their misery will be most thoroughly
investigated.
AS rich and pretentious shoddyite was
looking at some paintings which he pur-
posed to buy, the dealer pointed to line
one, and said: "There is dog after
Iandseer." ais it, really!'' exclaimed
the pretender. "What is the dog after
him forY"
CAN pony of brandy be called spir-
tied colt? If so, would it be justifiable
to pronounce shirt stud clothes-hOrse?
Moreover, is death represented in the pale
horse in order that he may have increased
facility in kicking the bucket?
THERE is great scarcity of fresh water
in Rhode Island. They have but one well,
around which the inhabitants all gather ;
and less than dozen feet fromthem, In
all directions, lies the wide waste of the
ocean.
The bonnet of the period is miniature
kitchen garden. 1t is decorated with
cherries, grapes, blackberries, little car
rots, bits Of parsley, long pale green beans,
sorrel, marjorum and other vegetables
familiar to professors of the culinary
science.
AND now scientists claim that the moon,
instead of being so "cOld and chaste and
pallid," Is in reality red-hot-sO much SO
that no living thing known to our world
can i've IN there This also knocks the
green cheese theory.
Physical Pain.
PHYSICAL pain is evidently protective