The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1873-06-14
Contest of u D0nbMry Man aUith q
StOUepipe.

Putting up a stove is not so difficult in itself
1t is the pipe that raises our-fifths of the mischief
and all the dust. You may take down a stove
with all the care in the world and have your
wife put away the pipe in a secure place. and yeI
that pipe won't come together again as it was be-
fore. You find this uul when you are standing
on a chair with your arms full o! pipe and your
mouth full of SCOT. Your wife is standing on the
floor in position that enables her to see you,
the pipe and the chair, and here she g ives utter
auce TO those remarks that calculated to
hasten man into the tx remes of insanity. HeI
dress is pinned over her waist, and her hands
rest on her hips. She has got one of your hats
On her head, and your linen coat on her back
and pair of your rubbers on her feet. There is
about five cents worth of pot black on her nose,
aud lot of -four on her chin, and altogether,
she is spectacle that would inspire dead man
with distrust And while you are up there try
ing to circumvent the awful contrariness of the
pipe, and telling that you know some fool has
been mixing it, she stands safely on the floor,
and bombards you with such domestic mottoeS
as "Whats the use Of swearing so?" "You
know no one has touched that pipe" "You
amt got no more patience than child. Do be
careful OF that chair" And then she goes of
and re-appears with an armful of more pipes, and
before you are aware of it she has got that pipe
L
pieces are alike. You join the ends, aud work
them to and fro, and take them apart again and
look at them. Then you spread one out and
jam the other together, and mount them once
more. But ii is no go. You begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life, and ache to kick
them through the window. Bnt she doesn' t lose
her patience. She goes around with that awful
ly exasperatiug rigging on, with length of pipe
under each arm and a long-handled broom il
her hand, and says she don't see how it is some
f'ropte never have any trouble in putting up a
stove. Then you miss the hammer You don't
see II anYWhere- -Ynn sii.sA-inta to Aha rairA---a
along the mantle, and down on the stove, ami OH
to the floor. Your wife watches you intently,
and is finally thoughtful enough to inquire what
you are looking after, and on learning pulls the
article from her pocket. Then you feel as IL you
could go out doors and swear a hole twelve feet
square through block of brick buildings, but
she merely observes:
"Why on earth don't you speak when you
want anything, and not stare around like dunn
my?" When that part of the pipe which goes
through the wall is up, she keeps il up with heI
broom, while you are making the connection,
and stares at il with intensity that is entirely
uncalled for. All the while your position i;
coming more and more interesting. The pipe
don't go together, OF course. The SCOT shake:
down in your eyes and mouth, the sweat roll:
down your face and tickles your chin as II drops
off, and it seems as if your arms are slowly bu
surely drawing out Of their sockets. Here YOU
wife comes TO the rescue by inqniring If you arr
going to be sll day doing nothing, and II yoT
think her arms are made OF iron, aud then th'
broom slips of the pipe, and in her endeavor e
recover her hold she jabs you under the chit
with the handle, and the pipe comes down oI
your head with its load of fresh SCOT, and theI
he chair tilfs forward enough 10 DISCHARGE youl
Feet, and you come down on the wrong end o
that chair with force that would bankrupt
pile-driver. You don't touch that stove again
You leave your wife examining that chair an'
Oemoaning its injuries, and go to the kitch
en- and wash your skinned and bleeding hand
with yellow soap. Then you 60 down stree
after a man to do the business, and your wifi
goes over to the neighbors with her chair, anC
tells them about its injuries, and drains the neigh
oorhood dry CT its sympathy long before you ge
home.-DznbUry Ners.