South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-26


quired Of gentleman at the table If his cup
was out. 'No," said ne, 'rbut my coffee is
The poor girl went away considerably confused,
but determined TO pay him back in his own coin
While at dinner the stage drove up, and several
coming in, the gentleman asked ''Does the
Ltage dine here?' mo SIR" replied the girl,
10 sarcastic tone, ''but the passengers do"
Go-A few mornings ago. says Kentucky
rural paper, meekly approached an emigrant
wagon and inquired of its austere proprietor
whittier bound 2" Me lord removed bis quid
10 the larboard side of his mouth and coony re-
marked: "None of your business" Aud it
wasn't either.
WIVES EsoUGH.-An incident OF crossing the
plains in the early days was told by clever la
dy at the breakfast table one morning in Frisco
A Dutchman and his wife had travelled West
and arrived at Salt Lake, where they halted for
few weeks. The Mormons got around the old
Dntchman and coaxed him to join their ranks.
After retiring one night 10 their canvass-covered
wagon bed, the good Dutchman broke the mat
ter to his better half limiting to her that the Nor
mons told him he had 'better stay, settle among
dem, and take some more wives" Chow many
wives you links you wants % asked KATRINA
The Dutchman thought ''ffe more would make
half dozen already7' whereupon the old wife
got down her bodice and slipping from it what
the Dutchman called the 'prestboard, vich was
made from Wisconsin hickory was very tough"
and she laid the hickory fierce aud fast on the
old man, who shuffled out Of the wagon and fell
in n ditch. The old man got up, said his 'sto-
mach il vas very cold, but his back it vas very
warm" His wife cried out how "many wives
you thinks you wants now, old foo?' But the
Dutchman felt and expressed that one was c.
nough.
DoS'T DE IEouIsITlvE.- "lIeres yer nice roaet
chicken, cried aged colored man ns the cars
stopped at North Carolina railway station.
Here's your nice roast chick n n tatcrs, all
nice and hot !" holding up his plate and walk
ing the platform.
"Where did you get that chicken, uncle ?"
asks passenger.
Uncle looks at the intruder sharply, and then
turns away crying
Here's yer nice roast chick n gent III d, oil
hot, need Mt go in the house Cor dat"
"Whero did you get tina: chicken ?" repeated
the inquisitive passenger.
"Look aver" says uncle, speaking privately,
SIS you from de Norf 2'
'fYes"
''Is you friend Of the Guild mani"
IL hope am"
"Den don't you nebber ask me whar got dat
ehick'n agin. Here's yer nice roast chck'n
all hot
The train started
worthy magistrate Of New Orleans had rather q
difficult question to decide in the solution Of
which he struck out a path hitherto unknown TO
Jurisprudence. II seems that twelve negroes ap-
peared before him, each of whom swore that him
self and the other eleven had done certain n
mount OF work on steamboat and were emit
lied 10 wages. IL was n steady streak each Of
the dozen swearing the same. On the other side
appeared the mate of the boat and eleven deck
hands, who all swore directly and point blank
TO an opposite state of facts to those testified TO
by the twelve plaintiffs. Here the evidence clos
cd leaving the Judge to make up his mind. His
Honor scratched his head, looked wise, ponder
cd for moment and then said 1.-THE law makes
1t the duty of the Court, when in doubt to weigh
the evidence. ] shall proceed to this case
'Nou," turning TO one of the suing darkies,
take your crowd over to Mr. - Ia grocery
store in the vicinity and have them weighed,
and bring me a certificate of their weight from
the clerk. And YOU" turning to the mate, ''do
tie same with yourself and witnesses. This
Court must make up judgment somehow -
The mandate Of the Court was obeyed the con-
testants appeared with their respective certif-
Gates, the mates party outweighed the other by
nine pounds, which was sufficient TO turn the
scales Of justice, for judgment was given for
the boat.
HUSBANDS Triumph. The BrantfoId Cou-
Tier is responsible for the following: y gentle
man on Besserer street last week tried an exper-
iment which he says has completely cured his
wife Of Jealousy. lie says he was subject to "a
nightly curtain lecture from his better half at
the time when he wished TO be wrapped in the
arms Of Morpheus, for returning an affection
from an old lady friend. He bore it for several
nights with Christian. like resignation, but he at
last devised plan for putting an end to it. lie
procured piece Of wood formed in the shape Of
human being and dressed it in some Of his
wife's wardrobe, and then placed it in the gar
den, sitting in an iron chair. 10 this craven
image he knelt down and poured forth impas-
stoned addresses The servant girl was stand.
ing al the kitchen door at the time, oud over.
heard the appeals She Immediately notified her
mistress Of the fact Presently both Of them g.