The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1873-05-10
A Horror of the springtide.

nual ceremony Of taking up and whipping
and putting down carpets is almost upon
US. 1t is one Of the ills which flesh is
heir to, and cannot be avoided You go
home some pleasant spring day, at peace
with the world, and find the baby with a
clean face, and get your favorite pudding
for dinner. Then your wife tells you how
much younger you are looking, and says
she really hopes she eau turn that walking
dress she wore last fall, and save the ex-
pense Of new suit, and then she asks you
If you cant just help her about taking up
the carpet. The she gets a saucer for the
taeks and stands and holds it, and you get
the claw and get down on your knees and
begin to help her. You feel quite econo-
mical about the first three tacks, and
take them out carefully and put them in
the saucer. Your wife is good about hold
ing the saucer, and beguiles you with an
interesting story about how your neighbor's
little boy is not expected to live till morn
ing
Then you come to the tack with crook
ed head and you get the claw under il, and
the head comes of, and the leather comes
off, and the carpet comes off, and as it
won't do to leave the tack in the aoor,
because it will tear the carpet when it is
put down again, you go to work and skin
your knuckle and get silver under the
thumb nail, and tell your wife to shut up
about that everlasting boy, and make up
your mind that it does not make any DIFF
ference about that tack and SO you begin
on the corner where the carpet is doubled
two or three times, and has been nailed
down with single nail. Y6u don't care
continental about saving the nail, be-
cause you find that it is not a good time
for the practice of economy; but you do
feel little hurt when both clauses break
of from the claw, and the nail does not
bulge peg. Then your manhood asserts
itself, and you arise in your might and
throw the carpet claw at the dog, and get
hold of the carpet with both hands, and
the air is full Of dust and flying tacks, and
there is fringe of carpet yarn all along
by the mopboard, and the baby cries, and
the cat goes anywhere--anywhere out Of
the world, and your wife says you ought
to be ashamed Of yourself to talk So,
but that carpet comes up,
Then you lift one side of the stove, and
your wife tries to get the carpet from un-
der it, but cant, because you are standing
on it. SO you try new hold, and just
after your back breaks the carpet is clear.
You are not through yet Your wife don't
tell you any more little stories, but she
gets your old coat and hangs It on you,
and smothers you with the carpet, and
opens the back door and shoves you out,
and intimates that the carpet needs whip
ping. When you hang the tormenting
thing across the clothes-line the wrong
way, and get it righted and have it slide
off into the mud, and hang it up again,
and get half pint of dust and three bro
ken tacks snapped out of the northwest
corner into your mouth by the wind, you
make some observation which you neglect.
ed to mention while in the house. Then
you hunt up stick and go for that car.
pet The FIRST blow hides the sun and all
the fair face of nature behind cloud Of
dust, and right in the centre of that cloud
with the wind square in your face, no
matter how you stand, you WELD that cud-
gel both hands are blistered and the milk
of human kindness curdles in your bosom.
You can whip the carpet a longer OF
shorter period, according to the size Of
your mad it don't make any difference to
the carpet, it is just as dusty and fuzzy,
and generally as disagreeable after you
have whipped it two hours as it was when
you commenced. Then you bundle it up,
with one corner dragging, and stumble
into the house and have more trouble with
the stove, and fail to find any way Of using
the carpet stretcher while you stand on
the carpet and fail to find any place to
stand off from the carpet, and you get on
your knees again, while your wife holds
the saucer, and with blind confidence hands
you broken tacks, crooked tacks, tacks
with no points, tacks with no heads, tacks
with no feathers, tacks with the biggest
ends at the point.
Finally the carpet is down, and the
baby comes back, and the cat comes back,
and the dog comes back, and your wife
smiles sweetly, and says she is glad the
job is off her mind.
The roof of Westminster Abbey in