The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1873-08-02
The Garden HOse-HFOn Lovely Woman
1yseS II.

Uses NJ.
One more bright dream in life has col
lapscd for us; and another harp bangs
anon the willow" Only this isn't harp,
but hosc--a garden hose. We INDUCED
in sweet visions early in spring with refer,
euce to keeping E'the grounds !" irrigated
with our own apparatus. Let urouSn,
come" we triumphantly exclaimed, we
shall hose every flower that thirstelh'" we
sodded quite extensively for Us, ana re-
served certain selected spots for floral dis
nluy-tbeD we bought the hose. We found
hnncbng the institution attended With me-
chanical difficulty. Several expeditions had
% be made by express TO change the hose to
fit our faucets. Then the plumber had to
come and alter the faucets to tit the
hose. In these experimental moments
we had occasion TO study the immense
squirting capacity of water not properly re-
villa,ed. Ii is astonishing how soon you can
Crluce the kitchen, and what aptitude there
is for getting nit in the eye. and all over your
clothes, by.wayward leaks from an uncertain
machine. Science triumphed at last, and the
hose worked TO a charm. 1t was as tight as
q drum. head, and played magnihccntly, and
we opened i vigorous sprlnkllnS campaign.
Two things We asccrtaincd early, that the
feminine head of the family considered it her
preroyutiye TO superintend the watering
business, and getting wet was foreordalned
part of this transaction. No matter how well
your hose is jointed, you will be ducked and
drencbed i'll the operation this matter OF
the "higher law" From the bay-windoW
we received our orders, "Don't play SO nara
GU the yerbenas; put more water on the vines;
why don'tyo soak the grass?why on earth 90
you wet the paths?" Finding that we were
not likely to do this thing right anyhow. and
being IL little tired of playing 'second lid
de- we retired from active operation for a
few days and let the boys take hand at 1t.
IF you want to destroy the serenity OF u
neighuorhood, the quickest way l. to let a
loy work q garden-hoSe. In the first place
nc wants TO water the street, to the peril OF
travellers, instead Of combining his labors to
tie inside of the fence. Then all the other
boys within a mile seem to know the fact.
and they swarm like flies around the youth
ful representative of rain. Then struggle
commences. The boy of the house lets his
COMPANIONS have it In the face. They retaliatc
IL stamping over the flowers and stepping on
The hose to prevent the flow Of the liquid, and
81 general row eIsues, only to be suppressed
by madame in majestic state of lndlSna-
ton, who finally succeeds in dispensing the
rebels, and proudly bears away the insulted
instrument to its place of repUSe in the back
shed. We are informed when we arrive
home that all the children Of the neighbour
hood left our premises in condition OF I'M
mtrsion. and "neyer while she lives IS that
hose to be put again in The custody OF boys.
When we undtrtak to water the next time
we are nervously conscious that our efforts
do not meet tue expectations OF the presld.
ing argei of tie household. She can stand
our incapacity no longer, and comes out III
Il rural straw bat, and says, "Lct me show
you how TO do il; men are so AWKWARD
She grasps the hose as a woman is apt to
grasp Il pistol, as though she was little
afraid it might 20 off suddenly, and the
uozzle having limp, downward tendency,
fires away very near her tidy slipper. Mer-
cy y" She utrcr>. and rectifying the range,
with quick upward movement she
takes the lady in white muslin, ringing
the bell at the next door, with a perfect
" line shot" Dropping the hose, she begS
pardon i'll the incest manner. remarking that
mir. -- has been using the hose, and got
II so out of order it behaves smamefully."
We sneak into the house with weight in
our minds, aud at night we dream that for
some terrible offence we have been sentenced
10 sprinkle the Desert of Sahara with gar.
dcn-lOSc. Suffering under the scorching
rays OF tropical sun. and alarmed ut the
appearance Of Arabs and Howling DerviShes
that dance round Us at the sight of water,
we shrek in our midnight agony. We are
awakened from our nightmare to be in.
formed "thdt we have made fuss aud trou-
Bic enough during the day not to make the
night hideous." Any one wishing to pro-
cure tirst-class garden-hose, in perfect
working order. warranted to squirt correct
ly when used by the proper parties, Gun buy
one cheap OF lis, on condition that they will
exercise it in another county.-4fier Din
Rsr.