The farmers' vindicator. (Jackson, Miss.) 1873-1???, 1873-10-31

When is lady like show window
When she takes great pains with her cash.
Why is baby like sheaf of wheat ?
Because it is first Graded, then thrashed
and finally becomes the flower of the family.
What did Adam first plant in the garden
of Eden2 His foot
Why is newspaper like an army? Be-
cause it has leaders, columns, and reviews.
Why is the inside of everything unintel-
ligible? Because we can't make il out.
When is a lawyer like donkey? When
ne isa drawing conveyance.
Doctor, is tight-lacing injurious ~ "Of
corset is, Madame"
The persons who live on the failings of
their neighbors will never die Of hunger
A COLOR that has never been seen Blind
mans buff.
The crow is brave bird--he never shows
the white feather.
A fashionable party is now called a
daughtcrcutural show.
The man who wrote "Tm saddest when
sing" was foolish if he sung mnch.
Christianity commands us to pass by in
lurlesi policy, to let them pass by us.
A WOMAN has been presented to the grand
Jury OF Owen county, KY, as a witch.
hey are most all guilty, but as they are all
pretty, it is difficult to tell which is witch.
a cynical bachelor says: Believe one
half the III one woman speaks of another,
but credit twice the good she reports OF
her"
A Hartford merchant saws he gets along
in this way: At night he stores his mind
and by day he minds his store.
What Is the difference between fixed stars
and shooting stars The one are suns and |
the Others are darters.
The minister who divides his discourse |
into too many heads will find it difficult to |
procure attentive ears for all of them.
A man once went to an eccentric Judge to
be qualified for some petty Office The
Judge said to him, Hold up your hand.
I'll swear you, but all creation could not
qualify you"
A bachelor sea-captain, who was remark
ing one day that he wanted a good chief
officer, was promptly informed BY young
lady that she had no objections to be his
niSb MAUI ho booh tne HlHI--dHu inc
lady.
A fellow, who has some emusic in his
soul, says that the most cheerful and sooth-
ing of all Preside melodies are the blended
tones of a cricket, a tea-kettle, loving wife
and growing baby.
Fred" said young man, walking up
Cortland Street the other day. after listening
to his wonderful story, do you know why
you are like harp struck by lightning ~
"No," says Fred; | give it up" Because
a harp that is struck By lightning is a blast
ed yre."
In class of little girls in one of the
schools the question was asked, "What is
fortW
"a place to put men in," was the answer.
"What is a fortress, thcn?" asked the
teacher.
This seemed a puzzler, until one little girl
of eight summers answered, IA place to put
women.
WHEN Daniel Webster and his brother.
Ezekiel were together, they had frequent
literary disputes; and on one occasion, after
they had retired to bed, they entered into
squabble about certain passage in one of
their school-books, and having risen to ex-
anime the authorities in their possession,
they set the bedclothes on fire and nearly
Durneu Cnelr IiiIHer dwelling. Tn being
questioned the next morning in regard to
The accident, Daniel remarked, "That they
we're in pursuit of light, but got more than
they wanted.
Father: Mary, my love, do you remem-
Der the text of this morning?
Mary: No, pa, never can remember the
text, I've such bad memory.
Mother: By the way, did you notice
Susan Brown
Mary: Oh, yes, what fright She had
On her last years bonnet done up, a pea
green silk, black lace mantilla, brown
boots, an imitation honiton collar, lava
bracelet, her old earrings, and such fan
D, myl
Mother: My dear, your memory is GER
,ainly bad
A youth in love thus addressed his inamo
alta: Loveliest vision, as my eve restupon
hy seraph like form, my soul Is filled with
he scintillating fancies of the poet. OF
ovely Dido, d0st love the humble sutton
hat Graves the faintest glimmer from the
meridian rays of thy young hearts affec-
ion? Oh angel fresh from the Furnished
streets of Paradise, clad in the halo of the
queen of night dost pity the faithful Troilus
who stands before thee?" and gently the
maiden answered, with heavenly sigh.
aint as the night wind: "Go West, young
nan, and give us a rest"