The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-05-24

bus on Tuesday The attendance was large ana
they sung as an opening ode that sublime hymn
beginning:
"Old Jonathan Gibbs he broke his tewth,
He broke his tewth, he broke his tewth,
Old Jonathan Gibbs he broke his tewth,
A-eating plum pudding.
Great Jumps of suet they stuck intew 1t,
They stuck ntew it, they stuck intcw H.
Great Jumps of suet they stuck intcw II,
And made him howl, by jung"
When Cincinnati woman shoots at husband
and misses him, the newspapers say: Another
bullet wasted"
Boston Young ladies put on clean pair OF
stockings when they have their photographs
taken; but after figuring over the question loI
several years, Prof. Agassiz says nc uoh hho"
why they do so.-E1.
That's an easy one The operation might kill
a timid creature, and no nice girl would shock
coroner's jury by being found dead with dirty
stockings on.
The melancholy days have come--the saddest
of the year-when women jaw, ana maze sou
soap, and the old man takes his clear W'"'h9-
ton Independent.
The Denver Ne,rs tells Of young gentlemen
OF sixteen with wife still younger and child.
Young men, 90 west!
A man in this city has spent $4,000 to color
his nose pink.-Er.
He has succeeded in getting good deep color,
but now he'd give as much more, II he had 1t, to
have the warts removed from that nose.
And now n couple Of Indiana towns have got
by the feet. Here is what the Lafayette Journal
says Of Terre Hautc:
We see by the Terrc Haute Journal that the
regning belle of that city has icet 80 large that
thew do not come within the jurisdiction OF the
corporation They run so far out into the coun
try that they are under the government survey.
When she wants a shoe mcndcd q shoemaker
goes to the recorders Office, under her direction
and finds that the patch ID to be put on the So
SEA Sec. 8, Township Is, Range 4.
The editor of a country weekly persuasively
,cmarks: I'VE offer especial inducements to
,ur subscribers who club together and send in
my little matter of eatables, as 1t were."-EI.
And there are people who long to be al. editor.
What glorious thing it would be If all women
we're rich. Now there is that rich Ohio woman,
checrfully pays her little $50 fine every time
,he feels like beating the unfortunate man she
,alls husband.
The Central Falls Visitor says that at a recent
uncral at Moshassuck Cemetery, after the coffin
lad been lowered to its last resting place, the
stood in silence few moments, ap-
,arcntly not knowing what to do next, when a
nan stepped up to the undertaken, and said loud
nough to be heard all around: "Well, suppose
ou might as well fill her up" That is all the
eryicc there was NJ the grave.
The editor of the Mitchell Qnd) Commercial
ought three pounds Of butter last week, the en-
re supply Of the town An editor with three
ounds Of butter Stand back, boys so all can
&c the procession.-PomeroyD Democrat
The Tennyson OF Indiana is responsible for the
blowing poetcal contribution:
Young man, spare that hustle!
Touch not single "pape;"
That woman's had an awful tusslc
To get herself into shape.
The New York Sun thinks that at the Vienna
Worlds Fair there will be exhibited the greatest
election of Am crican loafers, bummers and
ead-beats that was ever assembled together on
ny occasion since the present geological epoch
The Sun proposes to be largely
presented there.
raph regarding q wonderful woman who, after
abitually swallowing needles for q series OF
ears, died Mt last, when post norton examina-
on revealed the fact that the needles were all
tuck in the flesh along each side OF the spine in
3 good order as If In an ordinary pincushion.
lumber Of brass buttons, and was saved from
orrible death only by swallowing an equal num-
err of button hoes.--La Sale Press.
Il
A sde.whiskered fOp at Salt Lake was shot
,r rabbit, and the Coroner said it was all right
nd that he knew of dozen Others that ought to
c shot
We know two or three stitch" in Ottawa.
1t Is one of the most difficult things in the
;ord to live to be hundred years Of age. Levi
ADKINS, of northeast Pennsylvania, has been at
york at IL ninety eight years and hasn't accom-
lished it yet.-Detroh Tribune.
Sunday schools have been running in Indian
polls for fifty years, and yet eight cut of ten of
he male citizens wink when they call for soda
'ater-Er.
Something wrong about those Sunday schools
a Chenoa girl broke off an engagement with |
Ter young man because he wore cheap paper col |
ars when ut the same time, was shown by post |
examination, she was wearing a
)ustle made up Of the Chenoa Times. Oh! con
'ioNNhN , - HdtSpOFIH L'ut(du1uNl.
Inc odell Weekly inquiries innocently, when n
building Is moved, leaving cellar full Of water
whose business is it to move the latter? Just so
who should move the cellar .-Ota,e1 Free
Irddcr.
The thing is done, Beemus. The owner had
that cellar carefully hoped, after which he elc
waited II and sold it TO the station agent here for
a water tank TO DC used by the railroad company.
-Od,H Weekly.
The June number of that time .honored month |
ly, HE PHRENoLoGICAL JOURNAL, maintains H. |
character for excellence and progression. Ii
long table of contents discloses II freightage AZ
once timely, interesting and cdifying-witness-l
The Baron of Schwartz Scnborn, and the Vienna
Exhibition; Empress Elizabeth of Austria; So.
cialism in America, an account Of the different
from the earliest; One Kind az
Ghosts; Emily Faithful and her Mission; Born
to be hanged, with life like illustration; A Neigh.
Dor Of Mme-a good story; Respiration, or How
To Breathe; The late Justus Won Liebig; Giving
While Liying-good advice; The Science Of Mu,
sc-a necessary branch Of education The LADY
and the Crossing Sweeper, an illustrated Poem:
Books for all Minds, etc. This valuable journal
ne