The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1873-12-18
MRS. soUILLS' MOTHER OBJECTS
TO MUTTON.

- L maze MIS-. Do ulilS as MAJ as 1of-
ty the other night" said Squills; "I
had left my latch-key at home and had
to ring the old lady out of bed
''I hated to do it, of course" said
Squills sc but could not roost out all
night on the door mat, and when she
came down she looked the reverse fro
sy, tell you.
cts extraordinary, Mr.. Squills, you
can't think of your latch-key. Making
me come down night after night" she
hadn't done it for year, said Squills,
waking me ont of my first sleep, and
catching my death of cold, and blowing
my nose half off with the rheumatism. -
ST tried to look as sorry IS if she
had lost her latch-key, and knocked me
out of bed instead" said Squills.
"Never mind, Mr.. Squills only wait
till dear baby catches the consumption,
and then you'll wish you'd never seen
lateh-key, perhaps.
Catches what, my love ?"
Consumption, Mr.. Squills. Latch
keys have brought more blessed babies
to their latter ends than you dream of,
Mr.. Squills, and only hope my nose
won't strike into baby's lungs and carry
her of, that's all.
"I hoped she would not be abducted
in that way" said Squills, "and then I
saw was in for it. So, when got up
stairs, I pulled off my coat and boots,
put on my dressing lighted my
pipe, drew my chair up to the fire, and
sat down to wait for the hurricane. It
wasn't long coming. She was sitting
bolt upright in bed against the pillows,
and knew that meant fight.
"Mr. squilIs, I'm sorry you bought
mutton for tomorrow.
"Why, my love ?"
You know mother never touches
mutton. What's that, sirP Shy cold
later at her and let her CO. No, Mr..
Squills, shall not let her go and I
shall not shy cold later at her. I sup
pose you learn that disgusting vulgarity
at the lodge. A pretty thing, indeed
A man who calls himself respectable,
telling the wife of his bosom to shy
cold later at her own mother. I'd
have You know, Mr.. Squills, that my
mother isn't that kind of a woman !;
you can't shy cold potatoes at her
with IMMUNITY, and, what's more, you
shan't."
"Nor roast mutton either" I said.
"My family wasn't raised on cold po-
tatoes in old Virginia, MIR. Squills,
whatever your family was. What's the
matter with mutton2 Ask your own
heart, Mr.. Squills, if you have heart.
You know You might as well set her
down to a mess of wool. And then, as if
that's not cruel enough, you want me to
shy sold potatoes at her. What's that
you say about rip, Mr.. Squills? Did
you dare say to let her rip p"
ST tried to put in here and explain, -
said Squills, "that was only getting
off Rip Van Wrinkles joke, and that I
didn't mean anything personal, but it
wasn't of any use. She had got her
Shenandoah away up, and that isn't
stopable, you know, lin one of the first
families"
"Don't insult me with your beastly
jokes, sir. Can you look that dear in
FAINT in the face, Squills, after telling
her mother to throw potatoes at her
grandmother, and to let her rip, all
because she don't like wool for dinner :
And she shan't eat it, sir. No, sir; not
If die for it the next instant, Squills.
She shall have can of oysters and 8
box of sardines all to her dear Id sell
in the kitchen, and I'd like to see you
, throw a cold potato at her."
''This kind of argument was unan.
swerable, said Squills, $50 I sat and
smoked my pipe and she subsidized.
Just as was getting into bed, she look
ed up and said, Mr.. Squills, don't for
get to bolt the door ="
"The next day, Sunday, I don't know
where it came from, but there was tur
key on the table, and Mrs. Squills and
the dear old party from the Shenan
doah valley were all as smiling as yor
} please. I never said mutton once, saiC
! Squills.