Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-30
The Wicked Flea.

| MARSHALL is 1ull OF meas. Every new
town has them. They are the aborigines
| of the country. Ihey contend for their
old stamping grounds with more persist
ence than the willy savage. Though lit
| tie less dangerous, heas are of nearly the
same color as the Indian, and possess
many Indian traits OF character, principal
among which is their uneasiness Fleas
have special fancy for women, small
the smell of tobacco and whisky, and
tastes they are much unlike the Indian.
To capture and execute flea confers
more happiness upon representative OF
the female sex than wearing a new bonnet
in a crowd for the same length of time.
The reader will please pardon little per
sonal experience with fleas.
We will first state that wife and baby
are absent on visit. Also that we can
not afford any 'eluXuries" while running
7x9 country newspaper Hence we are
no better off, so far as fleas are concerned,
than women and barking uuadrupeds
OF course we board. Thinking to save
expense, we concluded to furnish our own
bed, put up in vacant house rented for
housekeeping purposes when our better
half returns. The house was formerly
occupied by railroad boarders. About
five minutes after retiring we experienced
a feeling of dozen Or more needles
pricking different parts Of the body at the
same time Our hands were passed spas
medically about to ascertain the cause
but we could feel nothing unusual Just
then the printer who bunked with US be-
gan series of quick, convulsive move
ments, reaching for his shoulder with one
hand and his left foot with the other at
the same time, changing hands about
every second, and twisting his body like
a streaked snake in the grass. Thinking
he had an attack of st. Anthony's dance,
we arose and lit the lamp. The printer
said he felt better, but there was some
thing in the bed. Cautiously turning
down the bed clothes, we discovered what
seemed to be quantity of onion seed
nicely distributed over the sheet. Imme-
diately the seeds commenced dancing
like kernels of popcorn on hot grddle:
simultaneously we shouted "Fleas!" and
great hungry fellows, that probably had
had nothing to eat since the railroad
hands left, some three weeks before, and
| they didn't seem at all inclined to run
Not until we had killed seventy-thrce of
| the varmints did they beat a retreat
After clearing the bed and sighting
through one or two unmentiOnable gar
ments for the twentieth time, we again
sought horizontal position, hoping soon
to forget our troubles in refreshing
sleep. Vain hope. Scarcely had the
lamp been extinguished before the i'm
placable Toe again assembled in myriads,
and commenced an onslaught upon our
persons compared with which the first
was scarcely a foretaste All at once we
thought of method of defense which
promised success. We would try kero-
sene. Quietly the burner was removed
from the lamp, fingers were dipped in the
unusually repulSive fluid, and we began
our kerosene bath. The neck and one
shoulder were nicely saturated, when
there came to our mind the horrid remem
brance of a kerosene incident, which fill
ed us with dismay. Our big brother
once poured kerosene upon the back OF
calf, to kill certain insects less active and
less respected than the flea, and the re-
suit was dead insects-alsO dead calf.
Lucky we thought of it in time. With a
feeling of relief at having cheated some
editor out of kerosene item, we again lie
DOM, thinking the disagreeable smell of
the oil would certainly drive away any
so, however. On the neck and that greas-
ed shoulder was where they bit the worst.
1t seemed to give them an appetite. In
despair the two Of us made tOrlorn-hope
attack with thumb and finger. But the
enemy came in countless numbers and
closed in upon us in front, flank, and rear.
Just as the printer was coming down
handsomely on boss flea, lie received a
bite on the great toe, which caused him to
turn double somersault and light square
| upon the lamp which had been placed on
the bed. Fortunately the lamp was eX-
tinguished; but the bed ''slats" gave way,
and the next instant two printers, about
5000 tleas, and a quart of kerosene Oil
were rolling promiscuously on the floor.
When birthstone was again brought to
bear upon that lamp wick there was re-
vealed a scene for an artist. On the floor
sat the printer, his form doubled up in
the shape of letter 49," the corners of
his mouth drawn in opposite directions,
making it resemble the sound hole of
violin, while his hands and arms were
wildly describing circles in the air Like
the selfrake gear of Woods improved
reaper. We can't remember just exactly
how we spent the remainder of that event
full night. There comes at times vision
Of a man with no supertluOus clothing
about him, driving regiment of f1eas
from pair of white linen pants, where
they were patiently waiting for their
breakfast, and ensconcing himself for an
hour or more upon table in an adjoining
room, with nought but quilt about him.
Next morning we saw the sun rise. So
did the printer. That day when friends
asked the cause of our constant gaping,
we expressed fear of an immediate at
tack of fever and ague; but up to the
present time we have been unable to find
anything that viii neutraliZe the scent of
kerosene OIL We don't furnish our own
bed any more, just to save expense
MarshalI (lNinn) Schooner.
e.