davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
An Ingenious Matrimonial Theory

In Massachusetts insane asylum
there is confined an unfortunate man
who thinks that he existed before
Adam. At times he is unusually
grave, and gives expression to
thought which demonstrates that
there are several grains Of philoso-
ply in his insane imaginings. Here
is his theory of marriage, which he
says he explained to Pluto thou
sands of years ago, at a banquet,
when the conversation turned upon
love and the choice Of wives. "Man
was originally created with all the
physiological characteristics pecu-
liar to both sexes. He had a dupli-
cate set of limbs, and performed his
locomotive functions with kind OF
rotatory movement as a wheel. He
became so excessively insolent, that
Jupiter, indignant, split him in two.
Since that time each half runs
through the world in quest of the
other half; if the two original halves
meet they are loving couple;
otherwise they are subject to a mis-
erable, scolding, peevish, and un-
congenial matrimony. The search
is rendered difficult, for the reason
that one man alights upon a halt
that does not belong to him, another
necessarily does the same, and it is
therefore seldom that a properly
united come together.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
Why Aunt Sallie Mover Married.

"Now, Aunt Sallie, do please tell
us why you never got married. You
remember you said once that when
you were a girl you were engaged
to minister, and promised us you
would tell us about it some time.
Now, aunt, please tell us"
"Well, you see, when was about
seventeen years old was living in
Utica, in the State of New York.
Though I say it myself, was quite
good looking girl then, and had
several beaux. The one that took
my fancy was young minister, a
very promising young man, and re-
markably pious and steady. He
thought a good deal of me, and l
kind of took a fancy to him, and
things went on until we we're en-
gagged. One evening he came to
me ard put his arms around me and
kind Of hugged me, when I got ex-
cited and some illustrated. It was
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
Uncle Peasants Method.

After breakfast / struggled to a
campfire Just in time to hear Char
ley B. say,"Uncle Pleasant, you are
the only man in the company who
got box and a letter yesterday, and
you have a good wife, and no mis-
take" Uncle Pleasant, who was
aged sixty, and the company CON-
missary, replied: "Yes, we have
lived together nigh forty year, and
she is about as good as the best Of
'cm. There amt no trouble, Charley,
in having of a good wife if you jest
start right. It's all in the start, boy.
You see l married what was called
a putty gal, and SO she was, and l
took her to my new log house, whar
l had already plenty Of meat and
bacon, and sich other things as a
poor man ought to have. Next day
/ went to get in shingles, and when
l come home she hadn't got no DIN
ner. didn't say anything, but got
dinner for her and me, and she eat
Jest as hearty as if she had been
working. The next day twas the
same thing, and while my dander
got up l didn't say nothing, and
again she eat heartily, as if she
liked my cooking nightly. The
third day l came home monstrous
tired, and said to her, "Where's
my dinner?" She said, "Look here,
Pleasant Batkins, I amt gwine to
be cook for no man, and ifyou want
dinner you must cook it Yourself"
Here the pint was reached as you
will see. l cooked dinner without
saying anything, and after me and
she had eat went across the road
and cut three "chinkerpin" switches
and went back, and if you.evcr seed
girl get good larruping, l gave
her one then and thar. She went
straight to her mothers, as / expect
cd she would, and next morning l
went after her with long switch.
She said she wouldn't 60 home to
save me but l told her she would.
When she saw was in earnest, and
l was, she went ahead Of me, and
that day she cooked me as good din
ner as any man wants to sot down to,
and from that hour to this me and
Sukey amt had no trouble. If you
ever get married, boys, be sure and
start right"
New Hampshire towns are talking
of closing their skating rinks soon.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13

The Postmaster General has re-
ceived the following letter from a
person who was recently appointed
postmaster (at a salary of $l2 per
annum) Of a town in Ind: ''to the
gineral postmaster at Washington
City my dear friend | hope that you
will not appoint me postmaster in
this ere town haint got no time to
attend to it i suppose you got the
paper somehow my friends sent up
Reckominden me but haint got
time to do the thing up as it ort to be
done. In fact i hardly know what
is goin 20 be done our shoemaker
would be a very good man only he
was Greeley square out which you
know onfits him for the position
there is our storekeeper Jim B
that wants the position mighty bad
but as sure as you're a living man
iim--kaint read good writin and
that's the truble. You see them that
wants it don't know enough to tend
it and them that does don't want to
take it jim-was raised out in
the country ever your friend, &c."
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13

The raid Of John Morgan through
Ohio will be long remembered by
those whom his rough riding rag
amuffins encountered. For many
years the victims Of Johns excur.
sions have been appealing to the
Ohio Legislature for rectitica'
tion Of damages, and some of their
cases are of astonishing hardship.
A correspondent Of the Cincinnati
Commercial recapitulates few OF
these as follows:
Beginning with Adams county,
we find that John NJ. Alexander, a
lover of his country, lost "two sacks
of apples" of the value OF four dol.
lars, a sshalter" worth two dollars;
five dollars worth Of "corn and
cheese" for all OF which he feels
that the State ought to remunerate
him. The Rev. James Arbuthnot
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
How Danbury Man kept his
Temper.

.
A Danbury man named Reubens
recently saw a statement that count
ing one hundred when tempted to
speak an angry word would save a
man a great deal of trouble. This
statement sounded little singular
at first, but the more he read it over
the more favorably he became i'm
pressed with it, and finally conclu-
ded to adopt it. Next to Reubens
lives man who has made five
distinct attempts in the past fort
night to secure dinner of green
peas by the first of July, and every
time he has been retarded by Reu-
bens' hens. The next morning after
Reubens made his resolution, this
man found his fifth attempt to have
miscarricd. Then he called on
Rcubcns. He said:
"Nhat in thunder do you mean
by letting your hens tear up my
gardcn?"
Reubens was tempted to call him
a mudsnoot, new name just COM
ing into general use, but he rem, m
bered his resolution, put down his
rage, and mcckly observed:
"One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight"
Then the mad neighbor, who had
been eyeing this answer with a
great deal Of suspicion, broke in
again:
"Wby don't you answer my ques'
ton, yon rascal?"
But still Reubens maintained his
equanimity, and went on with the
test:
"Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thir.
teen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteeen-"
The mad neighbor starred harder
than ever.
"Scvcnteen, eighteen, nineteen,
twenty, twenty-one-"
"You're mean skunk" said the
mad neighbor, backing toward the
fence.
Reubcns' face flushed at this
charge, but he only said:
"Twenty-two, twenty-three, TWEEN
ty-four, twenty five, twenty.six-"
AT this figure the neighbor got
upon the fence, in some haste, but
suddenly thinking of the peas, he
opened his mouth:
"You mean, low-lived rascal, for
two cents l could knock your crack
cd head over barn, and l would
"Twenty-seven, twcnty-eight," "
interrupted Reuben, "twenty-nine,
thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two-"
Here the neighbor broke for the
house, and entering it, violently
slamming the door behind him;
but Reubcns did not dare to let up
on the enumeration, and so he stood
out there alone in his own yard,
and kept on counting; while his
burning cheeks and flashing eyes
cloquently affirmed his judgment.
When he got up into eighties his
wife came to the door in some
alarm.
"Why, Reubens, man, what is
the matter with you? she said. Do
come into the house."
But he didn't let up. She came
out to him, and clung trembling to
him, but he only looked into her
eyes, and said:
Ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety.
five, ninety-six, ninety seven, ninety
eight, ninety-nine, one hundrcd,-
60 into the house old woman, or I'll
bust ye."
And she went.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
The Danbury News" Man.

Almost any man who obtains any
particular reputation, or deems him
self reasonably clever, is inclined,
whether invited or not, to come to
the metropolis, where he may have
a larger audience and truer appre-
citation. Charles F. Browne, Nor
timer Thompson, Bret Harte, D. r.
Locke, and others, did or have done
this, and several Of the newspaper
publishers have made an effort to
induce Montgomery Bailey, the
Danbury Ne,cs humorist to change
his residence from the Still River to
the Hudson. Bailey is wise as we'll
as droll, and, therefore, declines the
invitation, though it is backed by
abundant sheckels. In recent let
ter on the subject, he said: 81 like
this town, where I have lived most
of my life, and the town likes me.
My small paper is only "a weekly;
but l own it, and am content
with the little but satisfactory inde-
pendence that l enjoy. l know that
I've got a good deal OF a reputation
lately; it won't be any less if stay
here; and, if l go to New York, l
am dreadfully afraid l should soon
be an old story, and dwindle down
to an imperceptible point. Your
big city likes fresh oranges; but it
very quickly sucks them dry, and
throws them away. l don't want to
be sucked dry right off; so l think
l will-stay where l am. I've seen
from my country home how clever
fellows turn out who go to New
York with grand expectations. They
gave up something, and in the end
found nothing. lam glad you want
to have me come, and Pm gladder
that don't want to come. Danbury,
insignificant village as it is, is good
enough for me; and as l don't want
to steal anything, or get murdered;
or get up reputation for genius, l
respectfully but firmly decline to
pitch my tent in Gotham"
There's no fun in this letter, but
there is deal of common sense.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
IN JUNE.

Brown in the blue of the river lies
A shadowy, lazy trout;
Who could trouble himselfto rise,
And get his tackle Outs
Let me do nothing but live Tor Gay,
Live, and listen, and look;
Let there be truce between preyer and prey,
Between the fish and the hook.
will look on the mid-stream strong ana e'eh'
And the eddy's brawing rush;
will rise with the lark to the gates OF heaveh'
Twill love with the thrush,
will learn the song that the river sings,
In varying time and tune. .,.. l.,
OF this day, the sweetest OF all sweet lhipgs-in
June.
Low lie on soft green bed,
Drinking the lazy air,
Green is the canopy high O'er my heaa,
The larch's fringe hangs fair
In scented darkness over my eyes,
Rec haunted brambles trail;
know, feel the blue of the skies.
need not sever their veil.
Wild roses ttr 'c the water above,
Below mN OF rest;
IF fhey " tut the river, with all their love.
The, IL, die on his breast.
And IA 'cr, unwilling, wends his way
" i,h pi TX and white spoils strewn;
The low -lorn spoils Of wild rose day-in June.
Culver, O larch! till in evenings haze
Your tassels rise and fall,
Murmur, D bee! In the bramble sprays,
Till you find your home in the wall,
Sing, 0 thrush! in my listening ears
AS one sang to the monk OF old;
I could listen and lie for hundred years,
And deem that their sands ran gold
Ripple, D river! by bud and flower,
As long as my eyes may see;
Sweep, in the pride of your royal power
Past the town to the sea;
Teach me the whole of your murmurln2 lay,
The night comes all too soon;
The night, ah me! of this glorious day-in June.
London Society.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13

Men of the highest repute and OF
the incest sense of honor get their
notions of right and wrong sadly
confused under the temptations Of
the race-c course. A more chivalric,
high-toned, and gallant gentleman
than General Jackson did not live
among his cotemporaries. And
yet n story was current in Tennes-
see some fifty years ago-whether
true or false / am not able to say
which goes to show that even he
was shrewdly suspected of playing
his game with advantages" in the
dainty phraseology of sporting men.
The story ran in this wise:
The general became discontented
with a mulatto boy, who had been
his favorite rider, and sold him to
a ncighbor, who was his great rival
on the turf. The boy was to ride
in a very important race against a
favortte horse Of the generals.
Jackson had a heavy bet pending
on the race, and he was overheard
demonstrating with his late rider.
"You black rascal, mind what you
are about. Mono of your old tricks
with me. fl catch you squirting
your tobacco juice IN my boys eyes
I'll cut your heart out"'
This may have been pure fabri-
cation; but if sharp practice on the
turf had not been the rule rather
than the exception, an anecdote of
this description could not have OBJ
tanned currency as applied to Cen
eral Jackson.
l have quoted it not as rejecting
any discredit upon man who stood
above reproach among his neigh
bors, but as indicating the general
moral tone which prevailed among
turfmen half century ago.
Whether there has been any great
improvement in that regard since
that time l shall not undertake to
decide. That the tendency of gam
ing Of all kinds is to lower the tone
of public morals is a proposition
that few rejecting men will be in
clined to dispnte.-"An Old Sta
ger," IN Harper's lKagazine for
Jllne.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13

along time ago, and I don't know
but what I might have hugged back
little. l was like any other girl,
and pretty soon l pretended to be
mad about it, and pushed him away,
though / wasn't mad bit. You
must know that the house where l
lived was on one of the back streets
of the town. There were glass
doors in the parlor, which opened
over the street. These doors were
drawn too. l stepped back a little
from him, and when he came
up close l pushed him back again.
l pushed him harder than l intend
ed to; and don't you think, girls,
the poor fellow lost his balance and
fell through one of the doors into
the street."
"Oh Aunty. Was he killed?"
"No. He fell head first, and as he
was going l caught him by the legs
of his trowsers. I held on for a
minute and tried to pull him back;
but his suspendcrs gave way, and
the poor young man fell clear out of
his pantaloons into parcel ofladies
and gentlemen along the street."
ooh! Aunty! Aunty! Lordy!"
"Therc, that's right, squall and
giggle as much as you want to.
Girls that can't hear little thing
like that without tearing around the
room and he-he-ing in such way,
don't know enough to come in when
it rains. A nice time the man that
marries one Of you will have, won't
he? Catch me telling you anything
again."
"But, Aunt Sallie, what became
Of him? Did you ever see him
"No; the moment he touched the
ground he got up and left that place
in a terrible hurry. | tell you it
was a sight to be remembered. How
that man did run! He went out
west, and | believe he is preaching
out in Illinois. But he never mar
ried. He was very modest, and
l suppose he was so badly frighten-
ed that time, that he never dare
trust himself near woman again.
That, girls, is the reason why |
never married. I felt very bad
about it for long time-for he was
a real good man, and I've often
thought to myself that we should
have been very happy if his sus-
penders hadn't given way"
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
ADstraft,
Look to Your Titles

OWNERS OF
Complete Abs stract
OF ALL
Titles Of Lands and Village Lots in Bu.
chanan County, Iowa.
Are prepared to give prompt and reliable infor.
nation relating to the title of any real property in
the County.
Several thousand acres Of wild land and several
VALUABLE IMPROVED FARMS FOR SALE!
10 different parts of the County Also number
OF Lots and Dwellings IN the city ofIndependeuce OF
Pensions, and all kinds Of War Claims, collect
ed promptly. S0tf
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
w. H. BARTON,

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE, Attorney at Law,
u Collecting Agent and Conveyancer win
perform Marriage Ceremonies anywhere within
ten miles of town. Office over Edwards store,
corner Main and Walnut Streets, Independence,
Iowa, 30-y1.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
d. w. BRUCKART,
w. O.. &J.B. DONNAN

A TTORNEY AT LAW, Independence, Iowa
Consultations in English and German. 19yl
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
Business Cards
Attprueys.
D. S. LEE.
n. II. p. ROSZELL.

A TTORNEY AT LAW AND COLLECTING
n AGENT, will practice in the several Courts
of the County and District SPECIAL ATTENTION
GIVEN TO CoLLEcTIoNs. Office over King s. Ken
yon's Hardware Store.
Independence, Iowa. Jan. 1, 1873, a6-tf.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
]. s. WOODWARD
d. d. HOLDRIDGE,

A TTORNEY AT LAW and General Land Agent
n Independence, Iowa. Office in Wilcox BIN
Particular attention paid to Collections, and Re-
mittauceS promptly made,
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
e. e. HASNER,

A TTORNEY AT LAW, Notary Public and Land
n Agent. Office in c. w. TaylOr's new build
Ing, opposite the Post Office, Independence,
Iowa.
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
JAMES M. WEART,

A TTORNEY AT LAW and Real Estate Agent.
n Office over King and Kenyon's Hardware
Store, Main ST., Independence, Iowa. 33-tf]
Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-06-13
L. w. HART,

T AW CONVEYANCING, WAR CLAIM, AND
Ia Land Agency Office. Office i'll First Nation
al Bank building, Independence, Iowa.
Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-01-11

VI the whole number of citizens entitled
by law to vote in November last (8,3O7. .3O5
by the census of 1870, or S,7O0,O0O allow
lnS twice ESQ per cent. for two years an.
nual increase) 9,579,798 voted fol- Gen.
Grant, and about 10000 either voted for
his opponents or refrained from voting.
Of the latter class it would not be fair To
claim all as hostile to Grant, but we have
reason to assume that the vast majority of
them were at least negatively opposed,
since they did not approve sufficiently ofthe
acts Of his administration for the past four
years to 90 to the polls and endorse them.
According to the ta1le Grant had major
ity of the voting population in only five
States. -Four OF these are Western States.
in Which the increase in population is rela-
lively greater than in most of the other
States. The voting population in 1872
was therefore much lsrger than that
given in the census tables. Mime
sofa, it will be seen, gave a combined
vote for Grant and Greeley in 1872, of 90
92O, while in the census tables OF 1870. the
voting population was put down at 1928.
The inference IS that if table of the num-
Der of citizens entitled to vote in Ncyem-
Der, 1872, could be had, it would appear by
the comparison with Grants vote that be
had majority in bat one State-to-wi.:
The Conclusions ~ w ~.-u.. ..yl.. ruIs
analysis OF the popular vote cast in Noyem-
Der, 1.72, are as follows:
l. Over half million of Democrats de-
clined to vote for Mr.. Greeley.
2. Five millions one hundred thousand
of the legal voters of the United States did
not indorse President Grant at the polls,
being a majority (active and passiye) against
him of 100000.
8. President Grant carried but one State,
Vermont, by majority of the whole num-
Der Of legal voters.
4. The late election went by default,
Grant receiving majority Of the electoral
vote because there was no candidate in the
field upon whom the opposition were salts
fed to unite.
Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-01-11
ESTABLISHED MARCH so. 1885.

The apathy among those who were dissat-
isfed with the present Administration, and
were not satisfied with any of the opposi-
ton candidates in the field, can be still
more surprisingly demonstrated by a COM
parison Of the vote received by General
Grant with statement of the number of
citizens Of The United States entitled to
vote according to the census of 1870. The
census table is two years old, and therefore
does not represent the actual voting popula-
ton at the time of the Presidential election,
but is the best means Of comparison at hand.
Supposing the annual increase of the popu-
lation TO be 230 per cent, as it was during
the last decade, the number of males over
twenty-one years of age entitled to vote in
November last, was in the neighborhood of
{, 100000.
Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-01-11
A MODERN MIRACLE.

A miracle in the United Kingdom, the
Pall Mall Gazette declares to be a very rare
occurrence and in this respect it must be
confessed, eve are far behind our conEi-
mental neighbors;" yet a really wonderful
miracle, the Gazette informs US, took pIacel
snort time ago in Ireland and ona moreov-
er which will bear comparison with some Of
the best authenticated miracles of modern
times. On the 10th of last month accord
ing to the Dublin Express about 2, 900 peo-
PIE assembled In Rathdowney-square to wit
ness miracle which was to be performed
lb9y man named Edward Dowling, who
ives at Cionmeen, about three miles from
hathdoWney. For a month past il was
known that miracle was to be wrought
oy Mr.. Bowling in Rathdowney-square al
noon on the 10Th ultimo. That gentleman,
IL was stated, was to be taken up in the air:
the town was to receive shock, and MANY
persons were to be converted. Dowling.
VINO Is deyout Roman Catholic, was In
the chapel from very early hour in the
morning preparing for the miracle /
Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-01-11
a REVOLUCI0NARY REMINIS.
EEECE

From Edward E7erett'5 "Posthumous
Papers, published in the old and Neeo for
January, we extract the following:
just after the war broke out, the stew
ard of the Manor Of Livingston hsd been
gained over to the royal cause, and had car
ried most Of the tenants in that direction.
They bad secretly taken the oath Of ale
glance to King George, and had engaged to
join the British Standard in arms as soon as
a royal force should appear to protect
them. AS reward, they were promised the
fee-simple Of their lands. Information of
this intrigue and treachery was given to
the board Of war, of which a[r. Morris was
g member The steward was apprehended,
bis crime proved, and he was condemned to
death. Upon the question of his execution,
it was proposed that it should Immediately
take place to prevent escape or rescue.
Mr.. Morris dissuzded this course. gift out
a sloop here at Albany" he recommended,
Stake the man down in it to the Manor of
Livingston. call out the tenants, and hang
hun in their presence" This was done.
The next weeE d afg from the militia was
ordered throughout by the board OF war,
and the Manor of Livingston was the only
place in it that turned out, st moment's s
warning, every man that was required.