American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-07-26
When the Millennium COmes-Street
Car Ethics of the Future.

UEADENS WI W ltu tIlc Stll-
ish habits which prevail in our larger
cities among the strcet-car passengers of
this day and generation, and the sometimes
disobliging ways of the often overworked
conductors, will appreciate the following
pleasant satire by a writer in the Daily
Gr0Dhie:
SCENE-A city passenger-car. Any one
will do. The Car is crowded, and there is
that perfect entente cordidle between con-
ductor and passengers, and between the
passengers themselves, which so eminent
ly conduces to the luxury of city travel.
The seats are occupied by ladies and gen.
tlemen, and a few ladylike and gentle
menly children. The infantine element
is not yet present. The Car stops. Enter
woman with baby. Every gentleman i'm
mediately rises, and the woman is forced
with gentle politeness into the nearest
| seat.
Old Gentleman-Permit me to hold
your little one while you find your pocket
book.
Woman with baby, after fumbling
| through her pocket-bOok, produces a ten
dollar bill, and hands it to the conductor,
saying: am really sorry to trouble you,
sir, but have just discovered that / have
no small change.
| Conductor-Pray don't mention it,
madam. 1t will give me pleasure to &C
commodate you. Change is written upon
all things, even my pocket-book.
Woman with baby-1 should not have
got in had l known this was all had. l
would have infinitely preferred walking
to giving you SO much trouble.
Conductor handing change)-And l
would have infinitely preferred giving
you all my change rather than that you
should suffer a moments uneasiness
| Calls out) One Hundred and Fifty first
street,
Maiden Lady starting up from her cor
nerSOh, conductor! asked you to stop
at Fifty first street.
Conductor-Accept my apologies, mad
am. 1 had rather my salary should have
been stopped than that the car should not
| Permit me to return your fare.
Maiden Lady-Not at all. 1t is alto
gether my fault for having troubled you,
| when ought to have reflected you must
be perplexed The one hundred blocks
are nothing. Do not distress yourself, or
you will distress me.
| Conductor-Then, madam, l will be
happy from this moment.
Maiden lady gets out. AS the cOnduc-
tor returns to his post, he accidentally
treads on a gentleman's toe.
Conductor-I beg pardon, sir. Did
hurt you?
(smothering with an herculean effort, an
expression of agony in the least,
sir. A mere trifie, l assure you.
Friend of the gentleman with the
crushed corn lin whisper)-Didnt he
tread on your corn?
Gentleman lin another whisper)-Ics !;
but / would not for the world have
wounded him by letting him see he had
given me pain.
Car stops. An old woman, with a
clothes basket, is about to get in, but, per-
ceiving the Car full, hesitates.
Conductor-Step in, madam. All these
gentlemen are awaiting to give you IA seat.
Allow me to carry your basket around to
the front platform.
The car proceeds, when suddenly the
strap is violently pulled by an excited old
gentleman
Excited OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES me, con-
ductor, for taking the liberty. But there
are an old lady and gentleman up the
street who evidently wish to get in.
Conductor-Thank you kindly, sir. If
any gentleman fails to catch my eye when
he wants the car to stop, he will confer a
favor on me by pulling the bell
A gentleman on the front platform be
gins to smoke.
Conductor-Beg pardon, sir, but smok-
ing is against the rules.
Lady Passengers (altogether)-Pray al
low the gentleman to smoke. We assure
you it does not incommode us.
MISUNDERSTANDING Lazy no ncf fragile
friend)-How pale you look, my love.
Let me open the window.
Fragile Friend-Not for the world,
dear. 1t might possibly give cold to the
other passengers. Tobacco always makes
me deadly sick but the gentleman does
seem to enjoy il so.
a passenger gets out and one seat is
left vacant. A colored lady and an Irish
lady simultaneously enter. Both remain
standing.
Irish Lady Ito colored lady)-Be PLACED
to take the safe, num- Shurc, l can't bear
to see yez shtanding-
Co1ored Lady-Laws mussy! If dat
don't take dc rag off de bush! No, in
deed, NUM- / couldn't think of settin'
afore you, mum.
Passengers (all crowding up)-By a
little squeezing we can make room for both
Southern Lady with Children-No, no
don't crowd yourselves. My children will
be only too glad to stand
Children too glad)-Oh, certainly,
mamma. Why didn't you speak before
Fashionable Lady Ito whom gentle
man still standing has given his seat in
the early part of the route)-Now, sir,
/ must insist upon your resuming your
seat and allowing me to stand. / am sure
you must be tired.
Gentleman (whO looks ready to drop
Tired, madam? l only gave you a place
to rest You gave me pleasure to remem-
Der.
Fashionable Lady-Pleasure, sir?
Conference.-The pleasure OF being