The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1873-07-10
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
TIE other day gentleman accosted
one of the Topeka ministers 4" DR.. NJ,
why is this? On Sunday last the light
hing struck two churches, Baptist and
German Methodist, but never touched
one of the saloons. How is that for
providential ?" The minister replied
" All right. That's just in accordance
with our theory. Some folks get their
lightning IN this world; others have it
in reserve for, the next.
THE QUAl1. The quail il a game
bird, about one size bigger than the
robbin, and so sudden that they hum
when they fly. They have no song, but
whissell for music; the tune IL solitary
and sad. They are shot on the wing,
and man may be good in arithmetic,
fust rate in parseing, and even be able
tew preach acceptably, buff he hadn't
studded quail on the wing, he might
az well shoot at a streak ov lightning
in the sky az a quail on the go. Briled
quail, properly supported with jellys,
toast and champane Charlie, IL just
the most difficult thing, in mi humble
opinyun, to beat in the whole history
ov vittles and sumthing to drink. [
am no gormaud, for I kan eat bred
and milk five days. out ov seven, and
smak rni lips after git thru; but if i
am asked to eat briled quail by friend
with iudishious aeeompanyments, i
blush at fust, then bow mi he'd, and
then smile sweet acquiescence, in other
words, always quail before such a re-
quest.-,Josh Billings. .-...-
WE have just perfected an invitation
which will probably relieve us in the
future from the prosecutions of life in
surance agents and book canyassers.,
It is IN the nature of a patent combi-
nation rehex-action door-scraper. We
fasten it down by the side of the low
est step In front of our house, and
wait until a book canvasser comes along,
which one is tolerbly certain to do with
in fifteen or twenty minutes The can
vasser stops to scrape his boots, while
he thinks mp some new and vigorous
exaggeration with which to impose on
us. AS his foot touches the iron two
clamps fly over his instep and hold him
fast, steel claw suddenly shoots up
legs and grabs his trousers, q trap flies
open in the pavement, and the victim
is hauled into a coal-cellar, where we
have an infuriated Irishman engaged to
mellow him and fatten him out with. a
scoop-shoveI or q hatchet. We allow
the Irishman a royalty upon the re-
mains, and he seems to be animated by
an earnest enthusiasm which promises
rich results. If the machine works weIl
we shall either buy graveyard or
found a medical college. In the mean
time, persons in want of bodies for dis
section or other purposes viii please
apply. These corpses will be closed
at a sacrifice to cash purchasers.
How TO PREvENT' HENS FROM EAT
ING THEIR os.ZThe country gentle
man suggests away to prevent hens eat
ing their eggs. It is to fill an egg with
a solution Of pepper, and put the egg
back in the nest. A Danbury man has
tried this and says it works like a
charm. Heput a pretty goose dose of
pepper IN the egg, and placed it In the
nest of the criminal. Pretty soon the
hen -eame around and took hold. Il
was brindle animal with long legs, and
somewhat conceited. 1t dipped In its
bill and Inhaled thesdelicaey. Then it
came out doors. It didn't gallop out,
we don't mean, but it came out to look
at the scenery, and see IL it was going
to rain. Its mouth was wide open. and
Che feathers on top Of its head stood
straight up. Then it commenced to go
around the yard like a circus horse.
Once in a while it would push ont one
leg in astonishmenf. and then hoIier
=" fire, " and start on again. The other
hens came out to look on. Soon the
hans from. the neighborhood came. over
the fence, and took up n position of OBJ
servation. 1t was quite evident the
performance was something entirely
new and uhiduetothem- There is q good
deal of human nature in hens. When
they saw this hen dancing around and
have ali the fiIn 70 itself, and beard It
shout ere, and couldn't see the con
migration themselves, they filed up
Nith wrath, and of-ons accord sprang
upon it, and before the Dsnbury man
could interfere. the brindIa hen With
the long legs was among the things that
were. He says the recipe is effectaal.-
DanblVy Neses.
TaEEz Arefosty eranges, viii a mem
bership Of over ], 900, in Bourbon coun-
ty, Kan, and their association has al
ready resulted in procuring agricaltu-
rsl simplsnents at bali the former
prices, shd general supplies st an aver
age Of 25 per cent less. They are pre-
pairing to build a mill to grind their
own grain, and contemplate the incor-
poration og 3 company TO Manufacture
their own implements
JAzlEs RUssKI.I LowEz.L suggests that
Noah sbsuld be canonized as the patron
saint Of newEuaper correspondents,
ssbeing the only man who ever had the
very latest authentic information from