davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

An old woman accosted two gentlemen
10 Quincy Market; Boston, one day, with
,the following Inquiry: "GeutICmcu, you
.hairs.loue on you seen nothing Of no
snuF.bOx nowhere round here no tine to.
day with no snuff in it, haint ye!" They
said, eyes. they hadn't neither"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

when citizen Of Louisville cannot pro.
cure the real old Bourbon to irrigate his
elementary canal, he stcnls an old whisky
barrel and splits il up to small pieces,
which he chews as he wonld icorice root,
A WelLsoaked barrel stavc is equal to two
drinks, and a buug.holo affords sustcnanco
for weeks.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

De witt Talmadge, he of tbctabrnaeu.
uOtriety. has changed the wording of the
scriptures with regard 70 salt. His read
log. is: ,"Yo arc tho autipntrctado Of
tic earth, buff the antiputrcta,ic, has lost
its autiputrcfatic, vbcrowi,h shall it be
antipQtretaljeatcl?'
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

"A Cleveland man lisps'iu his writing.
lie gave check on bank the other day
and 6Iled it up "troe thousand dollars. -
Il couldn't be cnshed without an "b,"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

CONSOLATION, "A lady visited her hus-
baud confined mail in neighboring town.
After tears we're shed and sympathy cx.
pressed on both sides, tho lady said;
There's but one consolation left me in
my affection, Edward, | now know where
you spend your evenings"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

What proof'cao yor give that the BIZ
bic was written by good m'a''r A little
girl four years old replied, "Rd men
would not have written 50 much against
,henlsclyesp
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

A man q hundred years old went to have
pnir Of shoes made, The 'hopkeeper
suggested that he might not live to wear
them out, when the old man retortCd that
he commenced this one hundred years a
good deal stronger than he did the last
one.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

The Charlotte On. O. Observer says
during the recent cold spola little girl was
walking along tho street half blubbering,
and complaining thut,9ho had "the head.
ache 10 her toes
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

Jim, out West, tells good yarn about
'sbeell,burk lawyer" His client was
up on two charges--"frivolOua charges"
aS the shall,burk designated thcm--fJr CIV
ing q note Of hand aud stealing horse. =
On running his eye over the jury, hO didn't
like their looks, so he prepared 40 affidavit
for continuance, setting forth tho absence
Of principal witnesses. lie read it in a
whisper to the prisoner, who shaking his
head, said:
Squire, cant swear to that docky.
ment."
"Whyto
"Kaso hithaint true.
Old shell.bark inflated and exploded
loud enough to be heard throughout the
room:
What! forge note and steal a horse,
and can'tswear to lie! Hang such in
lornul fools"
And he Immediately left the conSciOn'
tons one to bis fate,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

A French farmer has discovered a simple
and effective preventive against Potatoo
disease, He introduces a small quantity Of
crushed tau.bark into each hole on pIau-
ling the crop, aud by this method has,
for the last three years, been completely
successful in preserving his fields from the
disease,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

A muddy stream, flowing into onccleAr
and sparkling, for time rolls along by
itself. A little further down unite, and
the whole is impure. SO youth, untouch-
edIy by sin, may for timo keep its pur-
ity in foul company, but little later and
they miugb.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

81 new theory of earthquakes and VOlcA'
nos is based upon the conceded fact that
the earth is gradually cooling, aud as it
coolu it contracts more rapidly than the
crust, and it is thought the shriukagS of
The crust will explain all volcanic ,phenom'
.pna
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

ItBtoll ola Connecticut field officer
better acquainted with farming than SOL
daring that when circumstances placed
him 10 command Of this regiment at Hat,
terns. ho wished to ObIique bis column in
marching aui gave the order, "llnw
around that mud puddle"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01


We now offer the following:
! Cash Premium Of 81 0OO
90 Cash Premiums Of $l0O Each 2ONO
GO Stem winding Watches $SO Each i,SOO
100 Cash Premiums Of $40 Each 1000
900 Cash Premiums Of $40 Each 1000
100 Cash Premiums of S. Each 500
100 Cash Premiums of 50 Each 300
100 Cash Premiums Of - Each 200
1879 Miscellaneous Pre-, . to $40 Each 1901
Making TotalofTWO THOUSAND Premi.
ums, Worth TWENTY THOUSAND DOL.
LARS,
Every subscriber who RENTS $500 for a
years Subscription will have his name regis.
tered, and will be furnished by return mail a
receipt giving the date and number being rep
resented by duplicate in the distribution.
Agents sending 10 names and $1,000 at one
time receive free paper one year and have
their names registered aspartiCiPSnts for pre-.
miums
Specimen Copies, Posters, Premium Pamph.
let and Subscription Blanks sent free to per.
sons desiring them, Address
FARAN & MCLEAN.
Cincinnati Ohio.
Nov, Ally.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

VslOe the friendship Of him who stands
By you in the Storm svarmS Of insects
will surround you 10 tie sunshine.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

A fashionable young lady, seeing huge
Thomas cat curve his spine, exclaimed,
30, what lovely hustle he would make!"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

last summer, 10 tho dog days, sOiberO
played joke 90 his Scotch terrier, jack,
to cure him Of making acquaintance with
other dogs when out for walk. When
be saw another dog, Jack would rush
up and rub bis nose against that Of the
stranger and indicate in his doggi'h ways
that he would like to DO bis friend. When
the season for muSEliug came, Sotheru put
q mulEsI upon Jack and took him out for
a walk, Somewhere near UniOn Square
be met Florence, and IS the twain stood 10
conversation Florence noticed that when.
ever Jack spilled bis nose 10 that Of sn-
other dog, the latter went bowling down
the street. leaving the terrier very fnuch
us,onishcd. Florence could not under.
stand itAnd finally asked
med, what's the matter with Jack, That
all The dogs run AWAY from hin?'
20, nothing" said Sothoru, except
that before started gu, 6Sod couple
ofclmbric needles in bis muEtle so that
they stick out about au inch beyond the
end Of bis nose"
Well, the result was that in day or
two Jack vas afraid to go near any other
brute Of his kind, and oil those who had
been interviewed with those needles we're
careful to keep sway from him. Southern
says be will take out paten. for bis in.
veuyion provided that l'crgh does not have
him arrested for cruelty to animals GIN
Gas.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

The Hmi1rd Tines tells Of q gentle
man 10 That city who, on getting glass
Of coda, WAS retiring from the store with.
gu: the usual little ceremony which fGk
lows that operation. "TecolIcct sir, " said
the polite proprietor, III you lose your
pocket.book, you didn't pull il out hero +?
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

An iuqairing man thrust bis finger into
a horses mouth to sec bow many teeth he
had. The horse closed bis mouth to see
how many fingers the man bad The cur.
iosi.y Of each was fully satisfied,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

The demand Of the Eastern consumer
-"Giye US cheap bread" The response
oofthe Western produoer-"GiVe US cheap
transportation aud you will get it,"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

JsfersOu's advice to his daughters was
,tosvoH breaking With disagrecaDlo people
as long as they could with honor. Sncri-
tees and suppressious Of feeling for such
an object, he thought, cost much less pain
tlau open separation. The effort Of self
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

A lady visitor at Belfast, Me-, who had
learned to appreciate the great variety and
excellence Of the Gsb caught 10 the Peoob.
scot Bay inquired at the table, 81 want
to know il you catch tripc in this riVer?"
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

The difference 10 DatureS was well illus
trAtod the other day at depot Two
sisters met. 20, my sister" said ono,
e1hnustedly, as they embraced, you've
been eating onions, said the other, calm.
Iy aud fcarleSSly.
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01
CITCINNATI
IN APRIL, 1878.

The number Of premiums arc always in
creased when The number Of names exceed the
number calculated upon,
The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-05-01

Dr.. Livingstone tells Of grass in Africa
which 10 over half an inch in diameter in
the stalk, aud from ten to twelve feet high.
Only au clophan! eau walk through it,
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12

MT. B., a we'll known metropo- Titan printer, once told us that on one occasion an old woman from the country came into the print ing office with an old Bible in her hand. ''I want," said she, "that you should print it over again. It's gettin' a little blurred, sort of, and my eyes is not what they was. How much do you aX?"
 "Fifty cehts."
 "Can you have it done in half an hour? Wish you would-want to be getting home. I live a good way out of town"
 When the old lady went out, he sent around to the office of the American Bible Society, and pur- chased a copy for fifty cents.
 "LOr' sakes a massa!" exclaim- ed the old lady, when she came to look at it, ''how good you've fixed it! I never sec nOthin' so curious as what printers is."- American Nesospaper Reporter.
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12

The Spanish Cortes has passed a decree for the immediate eman- cipation of all the slaves in Cuba. There is no mention made of any compensation to be given to the planters for this sweeping confis- cation of their human chattels. The treasury is not burdened with gold or silver at present, so Spain cannot afford to purchase the freedom of the enslaved ne. grOes. But as no man has right to keep his fellow man in bond age perpetual, he has ne claim for compensation when forced to accord his bondsmen the inalien- able birthright of freedom. Let the Spanish Republic put itself in a position to make the boast that America can now indulge in, that none but freemen can tread its soiL-S. F. Chroaicle.
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12
SATURDAY, JULY I2. 1878.

The following letter. from Majol Wm. B. Hooper, (head Of the firm of Wm. B. Hooper & O., ol Yuma was received recently by the editor of the Miner. It bears date of Washington, June 9th:
 Imade it my business yesterday to cal on General Sherman with Gov. McCor' mick, to assure myself as to the intentions of the Department relative to the removal of any part of Gen. Crooks command in Arizona. The General assured us that nothing of the kind was intended, but, on the contrary. he intended to keep two full regiments in the Territory.
 The few companIes of the 1st Cavalry now leaving the Territory, are withdrawn solely on account of long service there, and thay are to be replaced by more than their number of men, in the shape of recruits for lhe 5th Cavalry and 23d Infantry, which recruits are either now en route to the Territory or under orders to go there.
 Therefore, you can say, autbortatively, that the removal of the 1st, Cavalry from Arizona was not intended to weaken the command there. Nor had 1t any reference to the ModOc war, but was solely On ac- count of long service in that territory.
 Provision has also been made by Gen. Sherman to guard against depletion of Ged. Crooks command, by reason of expi- ration of service of soldiers, recruits hay ing gone forward in anticipation of such an event.
 Five companies of the 1st Cav airy have been withdrawn. The two regiments now here-5th cavalry and 23d infantry-are far from being "full," and, as Gen. Sherman is we'll aware of the fact that Gen. Crook is cramped for want of men, we most ear nestly request him to remember his promise and hurry up the sending of recruits.
 Gen. Sherman will see (by the Miner) that scouting after un- whipped Indians is still going on; that Indians upon reservations have to be guarded and watched, that the troops will soon have to build a long line of telegraph; open ew.rOads and trails, besides other duties with which the Gen. eral is, Of course, cOnversant.
 Gen. Crook will come as near the work with two regiments as any other living man, yet it will tax him to the utmost.
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12
The New Postal Law.

The clause of the New Posta
 Law relating to the payment o
 postage upon exchanges, meet.
 with almost universal disfavol
 from the press of the country. Ir
 repeating the "Franking Privil.
 ege," to rid the country of great ! abuses which had grown up un-
 der it. there appears to have been
 design on the part of those who
 were opposed to repeal, to load the new regulations down with obnoxious provisions, and thus secure it's defeat. Contrary to their expectations, no doubt, the bill passed; and now it remains for the newspaper press of the nation to make common cause to have the clauses so onerous to publish CTS removed.
 We have noticed recently that "PreSs Associations" in various States pave pronounced against the hardships imposed upon pub fishers by the new regulations, putting on record a desire for it's repeal, and it is pretty certain that the press of the country will persist in this course until these obnoxious features are expunged from the law.
 In regard to the newspaper pos. tage the law remains practically unchanged.
 In this connection, while we are not disposed to favor the re- peal of the late law entire, we re- produce the following from the Springfield Qll.) Journal, in refer ence to the effect of the new law so far as it pertains to the Frank. ing Privilege:
 ''As a measure of government economy, it is evident that the abolition of the Franking Privil- ege, SO far as the departments are concerned, is a failure. It is cal culated that at most the abuse of the Franking Privilege involved an expenditure by the govern ment of not exceeding $500, 900 per year, and that after supplying the wants of the various federal departments and such individuals as may be entitled to the postage stamps at government expense, it will be found that there will be l no saving to the government by l the abolition of the privilege. On the other hand, there will be a loss, especially during the first year, of from $400,000 to $7O0, ,0O0. l The absurdity of the repeal con- sists in requiring the government to pay its postage. It is like a man hiring himself to do his own | Work.-Our Preside Friend.
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12

| Inefo are two sorts or catS. WI
 doubt the truth of the common
 saying that one of them has nine
 lives, but many poor fellows back
 can attest that the other has nine
 tails.
 In an English church recently,
 after the publication of the banns 1 of marriage by the minister, a grave elder, in @ stentorian ] voice, forbade the banns between
 a certain couple. On being called
 upon for an explanation, "I had,"
 he said, pointing to the intended
 bride, II had intended Hannah
 for myself"
 A Missouri Judge lately de- livered a unique death sentence.
 He said to the candidate for the gallows: "If guilty, you richly deserve the fate which awaits you if innocent twill be gratifi- cation for you to feel that you were hanged without such 8 crime on your conscience; in eith- CT case you will be delivered from a world of care."
 A modern Amazon, on her way to a convention, asked for a seat in a crowded car. An old gen. tleman, with keen eyes, inquired: "Be you one of the woman right. ers?" 'I bew answered the un. daunted heroine. "Do you believe that a woman has the same rights as a man"' 'I dol" (emphatical- ly.) "Well, then, stand up and enjoy m like manr
 An exchange tells of the recent surprise of a Sunday School teach CT. She had been explaining the story of the crucifixion to her class of little boys, who seemed to take great interest in it. When she thought they fully understood the subject, one of them suddenly burst out and said: ."By golly, I'll bet you they wouldn't have done it if Buffalo Bill d been therew
 The reputation of the members of the Legislature for sobriety seems to be rather bad in Ken lucky. Two of them were ra- ther noisAy drunk on a railroad train the other day, and when the remonstrated, one of them pompously asked: "DO you Know sir, that I am member of the Legislature?" The conductor quietly responded: "You've got the symptoms"
 "I haven't taken a drop of li- luor for 8 year," said an individu- Il of questionable morals. ''In- Iced! but which of your features Ire to be believed, your lips or your nose"'
 LerdO de Tejada has given the most ample guarantees that he would very soon forward to the United States Government the oasis of the treaty in relation to he important undertakings of he Tehuantepec Canal and Rail- .Oad.
 An old Dutch tavern-keeper, who had his third wife, thus ex- presses his views of matrimony We'll, you see, de faerst time I
The Arizona sentinel., 1873-07-12
Fun, Fact. Fancy.

te the commencing of life-they always begin on small scale. A boy pressed the muzzle of 8 pistol against his breast in cooking it, and the bullet came out at his back.
 l What is the difference between Ia trick of war and game cOck?- One is a ruse and the other a rOOs- ter.
 A local paper in Iowa records the accidental shooting of a doctor, and has "strong fears of his re- covery."
 What is the difference between a cloud and a beaten child? One pours with rain and the other roars with pain.
 A Terre Haute man has a fine collection of walking canes, which have been thrown atan ll-natured dog in his front yard. If a man named William marry, why is he pretty certain to be hen- pecked? Because his wife will al. ways have a Will of her own.
 A wag of a student declared that certain dull preacher was a re- vivalist-as there was ''a great awakening" after the delivery of all his discourses.
 "Is your house a warm one, landlord?" asked a gentleman Tn search of a house, ''It ought to be-" was the reply; "the painters have just given it two coats."
 It is a curious fact that poor peo- pie, though sometimes given to stealing, are never afflicted with kleptomania. It takes a rich per- son to have that disease.
 A poet asks: "Where are the dead, the vanished dead, who l trod the earth that now we tread?" If we were to make a random guess, we should say the most of them are buried.
 A Cleveland woman rose SO far l superior to her sex as to fracture 1 a burglars skull with boot.jack, but delayed giving an alarm till | she could put up her back hair, and the intruder had escaped.
 A Rochester woman, married to her second husband, recently said l to him: ''Oh, how happy poor Charles would be. if he were still alive, to see himself replaced by a man as agreeable as you are!"
 A little lady in Schenectady re. gently sent word to her aged P. in New York that she must be ex- cused from writing a long letter. She had spent a very restless night with a sick doll.
 A New York female who read that the H0Osac Tunnel cost S9OO per yard, said she would have a dress pattern off from that piece if the old man didn't lay up a cent for the next two years.
 "We always get mad when we walk along the street about nine o'clock, and passing a shaded porch where young man is bid. ding his beloved a good night, hear the girl exclaim Tn loud whisper, Oh, stop, George, you
The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1873-06-14
WESTMINSTER, MD SATURDAY, JUNE IA, 1873

impression made upon my mind as | wit
messed the transcendent beauties Of Arctic
scenery for the last time illumined by the
midnight sun as we sailed out Of Cum
berland Gulf, homeward bound, leaving, /
hope forever, land where the yoyager is
constantly surrounded by the most over
whelming gradeur, by the sublimest mani
festations Of nature, by the most gorgeous
and majestic optical illusions, and by the
most repulsiye facts Of daily existence.
The comparatively few days Subsequent
to our arrival in the United States, the
monotony Of the voyage became absolutely
unbearable The same green water, the
same white sails, the same tall masts. the
same anxious faces, and one has the whole
vista before him. Not even strange sail
greeted our gaze shoreward, and all Of us
became dull, morose and unsociable, dis
satisfied with our associates, and equally so
with ourselves. Such deplorable socia-
BILE condition is the inevitable state to
which protraeted voyage at sea always
tends. Yet etwithal, when men have braved
together the ice and everlasting SHOWS Of
the Arctic, have been wind-beaten and
drenched by the same storm, and stood
upon the deck Of the same frail little bark,
with only plank between them and eter
nifty, there is feeling of friendship which
springs up between them that is difficult
for one inexperienced to understand.
There were number of whole souled,
noble-hearted and brave fellows aboard Of
the schooner Era, not the least of whom
was her captain, and l am unwilling To
believe that these emotions of kindness
are unknown to their hearts.