Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-02-13
Buffalo BilI's Mistake,

Buffalo BilI's Mistake,
| BUFFALO WILLIAM, Esq, or in the Ian.
guags of the vulgar, Buffalo Bill, spent
his last day in the Railroad City in an
unhappy frame of mind. 1t was not be.
cause he drew thin houses Of the vocifer-
Gus readers of wishy-washy weeklies and
blood-andthunder dime novels, for the
contrary was the case. William will. in
all probability, go hence on the war-path
with Well-replenished wallet Nor could
his respondent state have resulted from
lack of fire-water, supposed to be one
OF the necessary concOmitants to raising
hair and shooting redskins, to which the
| bandit-llke deniZen of the far West is sup
| posed to be addicted, for Bill was to be
| seen as of yore, raising foaming beakers
of most villainous stuff to his facial orr
| flee with an evident satisfaction and graf
flied look of pleasure that disproved any
disagreement of indianapolis decoctions
| with his cultivated and aristocratic palate.
| No, it could not have been the weak quail
| ity of his daily beverage that made Will
| liam sad, for the gin-mills of the city can
furnish as vile palate raking potion as is
to be found anywhere, which the same
can easily be tested by the skeptical.
Neither did it seem probable that the visit
of savage looking bailifft to the temporary
abiding place of the wild rover of the
| prairie could have caused the look of woe
to spread over the face of the
bold hunter after the red man in
the West, and the equally success
ful hunter after pungent red-eye in
the East 1t is a well known fact that
| not the most trivial incident of the great
escapes the eye of history; thus it was
with the untamed hunter of the buffalo.
his detected looks ere nightfall were &C
counted for. He had grown tired of the
slow monotony of life in the gay cities,
and longed once more for the bracing air
and untrammeled freedom of his native
plains, even as the thirsty topper after
lively attack of the jim jams pants for
the flowing bowl. But he did not intend
to fly alone, the arrow of Cupid had
pierced his heart, and long association
with Dove Eye, of the blood and thunder
troupe, in which Bill is a shining light,
had made him q slave to her charms.
1t may be as well to state here that Dove
Eye, who passes for dusky maiden-an
untutored and gentle denzen of the forest
is native of the county of Wexford,
| and passed her early years in the city of
Cork in the Gem of the Sea- How she
derived her Indian descent, according to
the bills and posters of the company, is
not stated, and remains a nut for the
coming ethnologist to crack. However
that may be, Bill was in love with Dove
Eye, as before remarked. He loved her
with a devotion which was only euualed
by his love for red eye. Yesterday he
approached the object of his affection,
o.
code of etiquette, cast longing look at
Dove Eye, and exclaimed. Ely with
me. Let us once more live on the bound
less prairie, never to return to the haunts
of the pale face. Toward the setting sun
we will rear our dusky-race, and swear
them to eternal enmity to the whites in
general, and c0nstables, and other var
minis in particular. My steed awaits, let
us go: or, | meant 10 say, we car take the
kankakee route-time shorter, and fare
as low as by any other route"-said Bill,
remembering that steeds were played out.
Dove Eye, fly with me to the desert; re-
member that there is bu one change of
cars on the great kanf 20 through line.
The heart Of the buffalo slayer is lonely;
there is no one to share his wigwam, none
to cook the leathery buffalo when he re-
turns home weary from the chase, and he
boils the joint of roast dog and other
aboriginal Injuries in solitude There is
no charge for omnibus transfers, and two
experienced doctors with a full compile
ment Of amputating apparatus on all
through trains" William would have
said much more had he not been
pretty well charged with ire-water,
and had he not tried to encircle the
slender waist of Dove Eye to give en-
phasis to his woOing. This change of
| tactics brought conversation to a sudden
close. Dove Eye, the real and loving
for further particulars see small bills-has
temper of her own, the warmth of
which is accounted for by her auburn
ringlets. She made no reply, but picked
| up a war-club used on the stage and laid
it with such gentle force and precision
over the bison-hunter's occiput, that he
rolled to the floor. "Ill tache yees We
long haired spalpeen to be CALM da-
| cent girl all thin Names" said she, in a
brogue of the untutored man from over
the waters. With this sole observation
she proceeded to sit down upon Will
| liam s manly but PROSTATE form with a
heftiness that left him but little breath
for war-hoOps in the evening perform
ance He has also a dim recollection
that few handfuls Of blonde locks that
he lost were twisted out of his scalp in
the fray. As soon as Dove Eye got out
of breath, William left the room sadder
and wiser man, and will at once adver
tise for another Indian maiden, prefacing
the same with the positive assurance that
no red-haired ones need apply.-Indian-
a1oIas Sentinel.