The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-12-27
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Literary men can never be sure of having said
smart thing unless they see the proof"
The author Of the saying, - You must always
take 4 man as you find him, - was constable
Honor and shame from nc condition rise s;
Act wen your part there all the honor lies.-POPs.
love friendship that fatters itself in the
sharpness and yigor Of communicatiOns.-MOn
f1igHe-
\ reyiyaIist asked an African if he had found
the Lord g Golly,' said Sambo, - am de Lord
lOst2''
France, says the Boston Post, is getting sleepy.
Then she ought to take another Nap, retorts the
Louisville Journal
lie is n happy man who hath 4 true friend at
his need, but he is more truly happy that hath
no need Of friends.
\ general, said Bonaparte, always has troops
enough, if he only knows how to employ those
he has, and biyOuacs with them.
4 school boy being asked by his teacher of
what the German Diet was composed, replied
Sourkrout, schnapps and lager beer
\ Georgia bride is described in one of the
local papers as 81 looking very lily Graded in
the golden glimmer OF some evening lake-a
foam deck, snowy, yet sun-aushed, crOwning the
Upples Of some soft southern sea-
Coop REsoLUrIoNs.-Did you ever hear the
noise Of n quartz-crushing machine when in full
operation? Well, that IS nothing compared to
the clatter that would fill the world if good resO
lutions were made Of glass or crOckery ware.
Txenty-eight years ago Buffalo man said to
his wife: - Miranda, I'm going down to Tins
after a bed-cord.'' That was the last seen of
him until the other day, when he entered the
house with a BEDFORD, and said he'd fix that
bed now
L. f,TV ,C ,r h.. - tvho
chairs from the stage of Troy theatre with
great effect that on the death of Edwin Forrest
being announced to him, while standing a
hotel stOOp, he exclaimed with dramatic gesture
50 Great heavens another one of us gone ~
ABOUT As APPALLING.-A wasp is no insignif-
cant agent in dispensing Il crowd, but nervous
woman making through crowd for the cars with
a vaiise In one hand and an umbrella in the other,
Is about as appalling object the human
mind can conceive and maintain its balance.
The following lines are said to have been copied
from n stone in Oxford, New Hampshire
'Ts all my friends bid adiau
\ more sudden death you never knew
As / was leading the Old drink
she kicked, and killed me quiekern n wink"
I.,zrNEss.-There is not n lazy being in heaven
or on earth except man. 1t is not necessary that
there should be, for half dozen young men with
elegant clothes and white hands can, if they give
their minds to it. be lazy enough to supply the
universe with that very comfortable but cOmpar-
atiyely valueless quality.
B,cc,GE.-s. That seat is engaged" said
pretty young maid as | entered car one day.
TO whom?'' a young gentleman" she
poutingIy said - Then where is his baggage, L
pray? ?' Her rosy lips opened like rOse-buds in
Spring: her face in deep bushes was dyed, as,
mutterine Grossly You hateful old thing; why,
1 am his baggage" she cried.
The caution Of the New Englander in giving
an answer to n direct question was illustrated to
me. saws = correspondent, the other day, when
asked an eastern friend of mine whose family
were not noted for very active habits: . Was
not YOUR fathers death very sudden? Slowly
drawing one hand from his pocket, and pulling
down his beard, the interrOgated cautiously re-
Piled, - Waal, rather sudden for him."
Nor DorSG MucH.-MacBride, of the Wash
ington Chronicle was rushing along ID street, one
day last Summer, pencil in hand, and caromed
against Rev G.. y. Hall, who Is always equally
in . hurry, through his zeal on religious chores
Halo Mac - exclaimed the Rev. q. A, inpul-
sivelv, taking him by both hands. ." What are
YOU doing for Jesus?'' - Well,'' says Mac, - to
tell the truth, amt doing much. 1 am on the
Chronicle now
NEICIuORs' TKJUBLEs.-IOw little do we know
Of the sufferings and priyatons and annoyances
Of our neighbOrs. \ woman near the Danbury
post-ofice recently, was heard to violently ex-
plain T. another AN didn't she have my best
earrings, the coral hearts, 20 wear ut the party,
Thursday night, an then TO 90 about the neigh
borhood telling that / mix my bread in wash
basin-the squiut-eyed, sneakIng, lying strollop
that she Is"
4 Patent CORPSE PREsEKvER.-A New York
editor makes the following energetic protest
We have received circular from a man who
wishes to recommend to Patent Corpse Pre-
server There are two good reasons why we will
have nothing to do with 1t. In the first place, we
q n-rrrNEn
which we care to preserve, all of the remains
which are lying round on the floor of this Office
men who have been murdered because they
brought original poetry to this paPer-we intend
To have buried somewhere soon they have
served as awful examples and warning to other
poets who call with their verses In the second
place, we shall not buy this patent preserYer
until it is recommended by some one who has
tried it. Bring US in a certificate from some ex-
perienced and judicious corpse which has been
preserved guaranteeing that the patent will work,
and then, if we have use for preserver, we will