The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-12-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Anna Bigger at Mt. Carroll, H. We are MOI
aware that she is Anna Bigger than She sbonld
be to be pretty.
If you want new shoe to fit as easi,v.s nm ola
one, put on two pairs OF stockings before your
measure is taken. -EJ.
Yes, the above will do; but we know %, an
easier way-don't wash your feet till after vorr
new shoes are done.
Mrs. Burnham, in the St Louis Rsn,by;c,, so,,s
that for year and day she would like To- 90
Glpy the pantaloons, pulpit and pcrquisites OF
Henry Ward Beechcr."
Wonder if he'd like herh'
A Boston dry goods dealer adycr,ises Z" nnopc,o,
crash towels."-Er. '"'
The name is correct. We wipe on one of ,hcr,
towels every day
Illinois has so little buckwhcat that not NOR,
than one citizen out of ten will be able TO ret nm
a decent rash this winter,
An Iowa editor says;
Last season we could get five bushels Of good
potatoes for one years subscription This wear
we consider ourselves lucky if we ret two bnsh
els for the same equivalent. Now we ask whar
encouragement is this for man with a growinlr
family
Chicago wants to have the next worlds fair
held there. "ln the first place." says the Boston
Post, "it isn't certain that the next world will
have a fair; and in the second place, those who'd
be likely to attend it will prefer d more pious
town in which to celebrate"
One of the attractions at San Francisco thea.
ter man who, with rifle, at thirty PAGES, shoots
half dollar out of another mans hand
This is only the polite for "rinng other pco-
pies pockets"
little American lad who had just commenced
reading the news papers asked if the word Hon"
prctiXed to the name Of Il member of Congress
meant honest"
Alas! into what absurd plumbers innocence IS
lead.
When an enthusiastic editor describes bride
as bonny, and an cnyious compositor sets i.eru
as bony, as was done at Jacksonville the othh,
u"y, nope Tor season bids the world farewell apC
freedom shrieks as the compositor falls at his
form, Drained by the brother Of the bloomjpa
bride,
The Cdag,tgottgEolNt advises its readers to "st
at the feet of horse and learn humanity
" just So" says the California Neus. Letter. sit
down at the feet of a mule, and if he don't hu-
initiate YOU pull his tail and tickle the inside OF
his legs with a stable fork"
An Indiana Judge has decided that a woman
has right to cuff her hired girl for leaving az
outside door Open.-ET.
AS no particular sort of cuffs are mentioned in
the decision, we are left to presume that the
Court meant handouts.
Hard times in Alabama, according to a southern
paper which says: "SOmc cOnsummatc scoun-
drCls, on Friday nj ght, exhumcd the corners stone
of the new colored church at Opeka and eX-
tractod therefrom 81 bill"
The abstraction of that 81 was discovered bya
" pillar Of de church." who exhumed the SAID
stone to see if-the mice had gnawed it, He VIZ,
awfully mad when he discovered the theft, and
went home as dry as he came.
There is refuge for prosecuted husbands in The
Sandwich Islands. Under the bencfcent rule Of
King Bill husband can divorce himself from
his wife if in his opinion she talks too much--kJ.
We think Ottawa could easily fill her quota.
should there ever be a draft of p. SIS.
CP. s, stands fer prosecuted husbands,
The cheek of some women is astounding Mrs
CraHston, out Mt Davenport for instance, de.
mands some two thousand dollars for simply
settling in that town She settled in mud.hol3
as she WAS getting out of stage.
They talk Of the "pen being mi9htier than the
sword" but cheese is mitcr than the pcnI
4 Nevada paper says: The many friends o.
Bill Thompson will regret to hear that he Wa
hashcd up by catarnount the other day on Nix
on's Hill, while lying in wait TO shoot China
man. This was always world of disappolnt-
ment.
The Chictgo Nal thinks that Sing Sing j..
not proper name for the New York State Peni-
Tertiary. The VoH suggests Howl Howl" 81
Swear Swear
1t is wrong to cuSS Mr. .NW
An opponent of wOman'- rights Ia hold school
offices says that she can't travel through snow
drifts with impunity. Why not let her trayei
with horse and cutter theh:-Er.
"And cutter, then" Why cut her, then: Why
should one cut a womans acquaintance because
She Travelled with a horse and cutter? But ""
think man having grain of self respect cor
ccaicd about his bosom ought to cut woman'o
acquaintance who will dare "tO travel through
snow drifts with impunity"-or any other man!
The Peoria Re,tcc says that there are 1,0u3
men in that city who want Il war with Cuba, pro
,idcd they can 20 as suffers. "ThcydO not car
Tor the honors and glory Of war; all they want i
chance to aycnge the violated honor Of our
bleeding country by selling cheese at 81 cent,
per pound, shippers included.'
4 commercial agent at Peoria is to make Il ill.,
If the dead beats.of Illinois 1t will be one Of the
most extensive literary undertakings Of the day
The editor Of the 81. Charles Granger is cyi.
lcntly dependent upon his mother-in-law for
support, and i, troubled for Loose change. H
says:
Among the recent cures for the panic, we La,a
ifter laborioUs Investigation, discovered one. J.
5 safe, practical and very pleasant. Just lc.
,our mOther-in-'aw hold the pockct-bOok and
iole out your spending money
We're willing To let our ma-in-law hold GU
We guess we'd get her on tn
,,E'-it would DE the dolcsome-t job she or any
,ther woman ever undertook.
\ spondeu; 81 the New York HaR who