The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1873-03-07
GOOD RESOLUTIONS for 1s7a.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


That wont smoke any more cigar, only
at somebody elses expense.
That j wont borry or especially
lend.
That will live within my inkum, If
have tew be trusted to dew It.
That will be polite tew everybody ex
cept muskeeters and bedbugs.
That wont advise emmy body till kno
the kind Of advice they are anxious to
follow.
That wont ware emmy more tight boots,
if have tew 60 barefoot tew dew it.
That wont eat emmy more chicken soup
with one.tned fork.
That wont swap dogs with no man, un.
less can swap two for one.
That wont object tew Onny man on ac-
count Of his color, unless he happens tew
be blue.
That wont swear emmy, unless am put
under oath.
That wont believe in total depravity,
only in gin at shillings gallon.
That poverty may be blessing, but if it
il, IT IL blessing in disguise,
That will take my whiskey hereafter
straight--straight to the gutter.
That the world owes me living, pro-
vided ern it,
That will stick tew mi taylor az long az
be will stick tew me.
That wont swop emmy horses with
deacon.
That no man shall beat me in polteness
az long as politeness kontinues tew be az
cheap az it now il.
That wont have emmy religious kreed
miself, but will respekt every boldly else's.
That if lu1ly wuman snacka me on one
cheek, will turn her the other also.
That if man kalls me phool, wont
ask him to prove it.
That will lead moral life il loze
. good deal Of phun by it.
} That if man tells me that mule wont
i, xix, will believe what he saz without trying
> it.
! That if emmy body loozes even goose
8 will weep with him, for it IL tough bizines
. tew looze goose.
/ That if ever do get hen that lays 2
eggs day, shall insist upon her keeping
) one Of the eggs on hand for sinking phund.
I That it IL no disgrace tew be bit by
9 dog unless he duS it the second time.
! That it il Just az natural tew be born
J. rich az poor, but it IL seldom go konvenient.
/ That one of the Iiskiest things tew strad.
7 die IL a 60 day note.
+ That the best time to repent Of blum
b der IL Just before the blnnder IL made.
J. That will try hard to be honest but it
u will be just my darn luck tew miss it.
g That wont grow emmy kats. Sponta-
n neous kats hev killed the biziness
i That i will luy mi mother-in-law il ii
r takes all the money / can ern tew dew it.
o That believe real good lies are getting
y skarser and skarser every day.
n That willrespekt public opinion az long
IS az respekt misef in doing it.
, That when hear man Dragging on biz
y ancestors wont envy him, but i will pity
e the ancestors.
d That wont believe in emmy ghost or
ghostesses unless they weigh l40 aud kan
d eat good square meal.
d, That wont bet on nothing, for things
Y that require Setting on lax something.
e. That will brag on mi wife all the time,
: but will do il silently.
u Finally, will sarch for things that are
lonesum, avoiding all torchlight prosseshuns,
brands of brass muskit, wimmn's rights
~ convenshuns and grass widders generally
u ----s=.. -~--.---------- r
The Port Gibson Standard says, the
Mobile Register speaks favorably Of the
scheme to cede Mobile conaty and city to
the Jurisdiction Of Mississippi. After look
ing over the whole field, it remarks 1--WE