The Van Buren press., 1873-11-04
i'uaget Of SciSSorings.
A Terrible Predlcamsnt.

Max Adeler vouches for the truth Of
the following:
Simmer really deserves pity, for it WAS
certainly rough on him He was going
up to Reading the other day, and when
he reached the depot, he happened to
look into the lsiies' room \ woman
sat there with aaot of baggage and three
children, and when she saw Simmer she
rushed at him, and before he could de-
fend himself she flung her arms about his
neck. nestled her head upon his breast
and burst into tears. Simmer was
amazed, indignant, eonfounded and ere
he could find utterance for his feelings,
she exclaimed; 40, Henry dear Hen
ry. We are united at last. Are you
well Is Aunt Martha still alive !?
Haven't you longed to see yodr own
own Louisa?" And she looked into
SINNERS face, and clung to him. and
smiled through her tears
Madam" said he, solemnly, If |
am the person alluded to as'iIenry' per
nit me to say that you have made mis-
take. My name is Lemuel have no
Aunt Martha, and | don't own a solitary
Louisa. Oblige me by letting go my
coat 1t excites remark
Then she buried her bonnet deeper in.
to his waistcos, and began to cry harder
than ever, aud said 90, Henry, how
how can you treat me SO? How can
YOU pretend that you arc not my hus-
band ~
Madam, screamed Simmer Z" il you
do not cease sopping my shirt bosom
and remove your umbrella from my corn
shall be obliged to call the police. "
The children are here, " she persist
ed, They recognized their dear father
Do you not, children ?"
".fes, yes, they exclaimed alt is
pat is our dear pa. And they crap
pied Simmer by the trousers leg and
hung to his coat tail
"Woman !' he shriekeJ, "this is get.
ting serious. Unhand mo, say And
he tried to disengage himself from her
embrace, and all the brakemen, and the
baggage master, and the newsboys stood
around and said his conduct was infa.
nous. In the midst Of the struggle
stranger entered with carpet bag.
He looked exactly like Simmer; and
when he saw his wife in SINNERS arms
he became excited, and he Aeored Slim
mer wi b that carpet bag, and sat on him,
and smote his nose, and caromed on his
head, and asked him what he meant
Simmer was removed on stretcher,
and the enemy went Off in cab He
called next day to apologize. His wife
made mistake because of SINNERS
likeness to him And now Slmn wish
es he may soon be kicked in the face by
mule, so that ho will resemble no 9th.
er human being On earth
A DREADFUL STORY "A small boy has
sent rs the following information: "A
fu dais ago we lost our cat. She got
drowned in Mr.. IS well but nobody
knowd she got drowned in the well and
so Mr.. IS foxes and Mr. IS foxes,
and all the nabors besides, drinked ogten
the well just the saim Tha drinked
more'n tha evir did afore | gess-cause
the water tastid so swete l went the
we'll fur water tother da an secl the ca
in the well, She was ded, She was
afieatia round drownded Me and Bill
ly --dsht her out with hook and lines
She smet orful Bat the naburs doan,
drink emmy more watir outen the well
now Wat cant understand is whi they
doant. Tha outghen b moar will 2 drink
the watir wen the cat is out than wen she
sin. l think so. urcs trooly n Is,
this is A tru tackt. "