Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-10-10
HUMOR.


A traveller from the North on one Of the
trains which stop daily at Gordonsville,
hearing big buck negro crying out, "He-
vab's yo' nice fried ohick'n = called him up
to the car window and asked him, Say
Cuffee, where did you get that chicken Z,
The negro moved up close to the gentleman
and spoke 10 low tone BOSS, is you
from de Norf 2" 'Yes," replied the travel
er. sis you fren' to de ouIlud mao +
"Yes." "Well, den, boss. if you's FROM
de Mort. an fren' to de cullud man. don't
nuyyer ak me whar | got dis chie'n He
yah's yo nice fried cbick'n !''-CharIottes-
vile Jefsrsonsan.
AS an illustration Of the widespread u.s.
of a certain popular title, it is related that ii
gentleman recently stepped into a saloon IL
Denver. and cried out in loud. CHEEKY
tone. .sHelo come, Professor, take a
drink" Six men sitting in the saloon at
once arose and came for ward, while ooot-
black, whose stand was just outside the
door. and passing corn doctor smiling &C
cepted the invitation, and stepped in
An energetic young Indiapian, who had
been reported as among the fatally injured
by railroad accident, and afterwards re-
ported as not among that unfortunate com.
pauy. writes to the editor. saying IL tell
YOU | aoas among the fatally Injured but
the reason | don't die was because I'm al
ways temperate in my living and have
splendid constitution naturally
At Sunday school concert the other
evening, up at Atlanta, the following oo-
Cured Little fellow Erecting his verse) =
81 am the Bread of Life y Su ernt~pdent
Questioning him as to bis knowledge OF the
Blble)-"Who said L am the Bread OF
Life { :" Little fellow Gin surprise)-l said
it."
The local editor of the jacksonville, Fla,
"Republican" compliments the honesty OF
the postmaster at that place because let.
ter containing ten dollar bill, ADDRESSED TO
an old negro woman was promptly deliver
ed to the party for whom it was intended.
An Indiana man claims to have succeeded
in playing thorough confidence game Cd
the potato bugs. He planted grain Of
corn in each potato.hill, and, as the corn
came up first the bugs thought 1t was corr
field and started for other scenes.
"A Lewisburg (Ark.) editor claims that
his town is the home of lady who is now
seyenty.three years old, and who has shed
tears at the graves Of ten departed hus-
bands.
A fre-eating resident of Bangor, Nc,
has challenged the reporter of local per
for emitting his name from social "a a.
graph, and now has the satistaotio' of aae-
ing himself in print.
A dead Chicago man has had a fve-ton
monument erected to his memory ny his
widow, and the lawyer who got her divorce
from bis successor has got a lien on il.
A paper in Dixon, KY, complains 'i'at
the hogs scraping their backs on the hof
ioists Of the church put solemn thoughts 10
hasty fight
A "dastard rivaI' of the Wet. stae s
that the editor Of the - was kicked It
Saturday and now stands up to do his sc's-
soring"
To milk kicking cow-staud off about
eight feet and yell, $50 you darned old
skinAint."
Don't loaf about the streets and depend
on the Lord for Jour '.daily bread" H
isn't running bakery.
"Are oysters healthy p asked an old lady
Of her physician. Il never heard any OF
them complain Of being unwell," was the
reply.
A Danbury boy wants to know if it is
right for his folks to pay $500 for piano
for his sister, and make him pick berries for
circus money
A man who has been away from Look
port for fifty years returned the other day,
and was surprised to fad that the sun
looked as natural as ever
Miss Flora Rogers, OF Kansas, sued
Archibald Brown for breach Of promise,
and settled it for pair of steers and eight
bushels Of corn in the ear
eyer can't stuff that ere down this chick
en-" from young lady 10 Indiana, meant
that she did not credit her teachers state
ment that the sun is larger than the earth.
An old lady from the country, with six
unmarried daughters, went into Augusta,
Ca, the other day, hunting for the Patrons
Of Husbandry She meant business.
A Kansas highwaymsn who didn't find
any ereenbacks in farmers wallet, made
the farmer eat thistles, and lectured him on
the meanness Of going about strapped"
1t was an Irishman who said: Il will
drive nv fist through your impenetrable
head and let the brains out Of your empty
skull
A citizen Of Rock county, Wisconsin, is
reported to have said, II can always tell
water when / see tit looks SO much like
gin"
Young men belonging to the Changers
must not object if their girls receive atten-
tions from other young men. Down with
monopolies
"Joe, I've great mind to blow my brains
ont" "Why don't you p said Joe, mo
body would ever know it.
A New Orleans bomaopatbist says it isn't
the true ASIAN cholera-only ''pernici-
ons f;astroints1tinal catarrh false cholera"
What is the difference between pocket
knife and a member of Congress !? One has
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