The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-05-16
GRAVE AND GAY.
The controller-general-Cupid.

| -baDeS III The WOOQ-DolIS.
A maidens speech" Ask papa.
Habit, if not resisted, soon becomes
necessity.
! --Matchless misery-Having cigal
and nothing to light it with.
The new dictionary will define de.
| lirium tremens as a tight fit.
An early spring-Jumping out ol
bed at o'clock in the morning.
Every day should be distinguished by
at least one particular act of love-
LaU0ter.
Sincerity is the indispensable
ground of all conscientiousness and,
by byconsequence, of all heartfelt religion.
Kant.
MIR. Tennyson is respectfully re-
quested to inform the world il he knows
whether Dolly V. Arden was sister of
Enoch.
Every mans life lies within the
present; for the past is spent and done
with, and the future is uncertain.-An-
tC7ai1eatS.
I could never think we'll of q mans
intellectual or moral character if he was
habitually unfaithful to his appoint
ments.-EinmOnS.
Have patience awhile ISLANDERS are
not long-lived Truth is the child of
Time; ere long she shall appear to vim
dictate thee. Kant.
I am not myself at all, to-day, said
bore to a wit. No matter, was the re-
ply; whoever else you may be, you're a
gamer by the change.
"A large part of modern religion
consists in overestimating the apostles,
aud Understanding our neighbors.-
WdrUia.
1t is with sincere affection or friend
ship as with ghosts and apparitions, "a
thing that everybody talks of, and
scarce any hath seen.-Rochefoucautd.
An exchange tantalizes its readers
with this atrocity: Have you heard of
the man who got shot? Got shot ? No;
how did he get shot? He bought them.
There's one kind of ship always
steer clear of, said an old-bachelor sea-
captain, and that's courtship; cause on
that ship there's always two mates and
no captain.
"A little fellow, who had just COM
menced reading the papers, asked his
father if the word Hon." prefxed to
the name of Mr.. P, member of
Congress, meant honest %
AT a spirit meeting, the other night,
O gentleman requested the medium to
ask what amusements were most popu-
lar in the spirit-world. The reply was,
Reading of obituary notices.
Mark Twain, in speaking of canni-
balism, grows serious for once, and sol
emnly declares that, for his own part,
he would rather go hungry for two
days than eat an old personal friend.
"A pleasant little reunion was quite
upset, recently, by one of the children
asking, in a painfully audible tone,
Mamma, why did you tell me not to say
anything about Mr.. Jenkins's nose? He
hasn got any,
-Humor is perhaps q sense of the
ridiculous, softened and mellowed by
mixture of human feelings. For there
certainly are things pathetically ridicu-
lous, and we are hard-hearted enough to
smile smiles on them, much nearer to
sorrow than many tears.
-Quin's after-thought was a happy
one, when, after telling Lady Berkley
SllG 1OOhtb tlO opIlIS51
he remembered the season was anything
but bright one, and added: 1 wish
the spring would look like your lady
ship.
An Indiana woman is mad because
her husband took her very best sheet to
hang himself, when there was an old
clothes line in the cellar, which was good
enough for that purpose. She says he
always was extravagant, and too lazy to
go to the cellar for any thing.
I have great hope of a wicked man,
slender hope of a mean one. A wicked
man may be converted and become
prominent saint. A mean man ought to
be converted six or seven times, one
right after the other, to give him fair
start and put him ON an equality with a
bold, wicked man.-Beecher.
st. Patrick's day witnessed the 80th
birthday of the well-known venerable
Dartmouth wash-man," Uncle Port
Rogers" The Anvil tells a good story
in which his ready Hibernian wit proved
Zone better" than too inquisitive SEN
ior, who, meeting tho old gentleman on
his accustomed Sunday route, thus ac-
costed him. Halo, Uncle Port, what
do you think will become of you for
collecting your washing Sunday? Go
to the bad place, s'pose. Very likely.
But what do you expect to do there !?
Jist the same as here, to be sure-wash
for students.