National Republican., 1873-02-04

AN tNsANR ASYLUM suadRsrEp.
Miss Ptettyfaco arose TO speak, and after
10" sSs lew W. SS%ens SnS to give
ton market Tor q number OF years. She made her
debut with bloom on her cheeks, and now she was
she procured from the druaasts. she was rii stiIl
unmarried. IA deep slRh.l She had contracted
severe cold and cough BY trying to look pretty
" ~ ow.neeked dresses res and she feared she should
bachelors were fools, but that they were simply
insane. Here were hundreds Of young ladies'
daily and nightly racking their brains Tor the
means Of looking pretty, and still the men passed
them by without hint as to how pretty they
would appear as the hostess Of her own house.
Yes, in her opinion, old bachelors were insane.
There was clearly something wrong In their up
per story. She suggested that the Government
build an insane asylum at the Dry Tortunas, into
which every man who should arrive at the age Of
thirty without having chostn mate should he
thrust and made to live on b, cad and water and
the magnificent views abounding In that part Of
cRuEL pEcErvER.
Miss Pert spranR to her feet as the previous
speaker took her seat In coughing IT. she was
young and pretty, aud possessed saucy air, that
showed her to be as Independent az q chicken In
a corn-crib. Miss Pert said she had had some
experience with the sex called lords Of creation
She had met one At a fashionable watering place
last summer that she had thought perfectly
splendid. lie had nice bushy black hair dark
brown eyes, perfect love OF a mustache, and
could dance the Boston exqulsltely. Wen, what
Nlu Nnls uhNuhOHlt ltllOW uul W ny nc tOOk nff
riding bathing, sailing, to hops, walked on the
beach with her by moonlight, looked at her at
the breakfast table with telling glances, 4c, &C.
Intact IN iact' be was % always running after her. or
him, including herself To he sure he had never
| directly offered his hand, but then hIs actions
said marry as plain as plain could bs. But one
no more for week, when he returned with a
little mink Of q country girl, whom he introduced
a. his wife. Did ever any one hear Of an act so
m " Mt nlrfW Ga
| from the bellies PRESENT. One day she ac.
cidentally met him on the beach, when he told
her that she was too extrayagant-that II would
take an income Of one hundred thousand q yeaI
10 keep her, and so he had married country
| girl who had both heart and sense. Now, she
appealed to her listeners TO know n she was
evening dresses, as many more walking suits
i've or six new sets Of jewery, two or three
ditto OF furs, and i've dozen OF kids during thu
less than t9o,OOO Now, could this be called ex
trayagancef tCries OF "no,- "no."l Surely thu
cry OF extraysgance on the part Of men wa
c0wardly. Women must have clothes, and thay
would have them, too, even II their papas wcr,
oblg ged to go into the credit mohlller business tC
get THEM. Applause, and cries Of "good, ,""good
MISS VINO MADE mr..
Miss c. Sharp was the next speaker. Shl
talked as quick as lightning almost, she salt
the girls were all wrong In their ideas Ahou
sn1 Ss; nTs TSe 91S sEASsS SS The
sense-nonsense-how to sit, walk, ride, dance
smile and laugh, so as to appear killing befDri
the men, but what had u amounted to Nothlnl
DAY than ever. No; they must get atthe root o
bachelordom In order To dig Il up. altogether
How was this TO be done? Simply by abolshinl
shirts and other garments were made now-a-day
not button Ii put on them. In the days whel
buttons were used AZ fasteners altogether, met
were provoked into getting married, so as &
have some one 10 sew on the buttons that wer
constantly coming on. She reaf statistics 4
prove that since modern inventions had ahOl
lshed buttons marriages had been decrease
twenty-five per cent. (Sensation.) She woul
therefore suggest that a committee OF the mos
fascinating bellies In Washington he apponte
gress, who had left their wives at home, TO in
duce them TO discontinue all patents that inter
fere with the use Of buttons, and to pass a la'
imposing nne on all manufacturers who ma
make gcntlemen's garments without putting o
as many buttons as possible, and even these I
. be Bewed NO that they Will come on very caslll
Miss sharp's remarks were very favOrably II
celyed, and disposition manifested TO act upo
her suggestions At once.
DRBurAHTRs TO BE sQURLcuKp.
Miss Ratherold expressed her surprise that n
supply Of bellies. Every year twenty-five or thrt
young ladies came here to make their debut
, society. OF course these young ladies' were fres
and new, and at once threw into the shade N
more experienced society ladies. 1t was too ba
that all the young creatures came here to d
range the matrimonial market and to overload
| 80 70 mhkt lnc run uONn DtlOW pa
These dsbWtdntss seemed 70, look upon Washing
ton as the greatest matchmaking place in q
country. They all come here with the expect
ton Of marrying some titled foreigner or fOrele
minister, and II they fail In that to put up with
Senator or other high oificlal. In this way thu
often break on matches that were progressin
+. nnely, and thus the debutdnts causes the exp
rienced society belle TO be left out In the co
world all alone. She thought that somethiI
ought 10 be done to prevent the annual throwlI
Of debutdnte' upon the Washington market.
aN,an
No sooner had the last speaker sat down thl
half dozen young debutantSs, whose fingers HI
been twitchlng nervously during the speec
sprang TO their feet. Then there was a live
scene. The six offended ones surrounded MI
Ratheroll In an excited manner, and, wi
flushed faces, demanded whether she mea
either Of them. They had a. good a right
seek husbands here as anybody else, and tn
advised old maids who have grown bidss to en-
CRATE TO the Western Territories, where won,
are scarce, and then perhaps they might ha
a chance to get married. Al the mention OF O
maids, three or four ladies', who apparently fC
got that they had considered themselves ballt
seemed to take the remark as personal to thel
selves, and In turn demanded an explanatIi
from the six excited dcbndHtSs. Matters We
rapidly progressing towards duels with paraso
at ten PAGES, when the good ofilces Of Kit al
i the other ladies present succeeded In paCifyil
the excited parties, and, although the dlAputan
u took their seats, they continued to look dagge
| at each other during the remainder Of the met
'' ing.
BoNBsHELL IN TUE CANT
/. At this moment q lady, who had heretofore
a mained seated In q far corner Of the room, arc
N TO speak. She was an old woman, and nObO
seemed 10 know how she gained admission. s
u commenced by saying that she had listened
-e the remarks Of the ladies' with interest, hut c
e peTience had taught her that they were all in |
In wrong. She was sixty years old, and had led
~ happy married life duTing two thirds OF that tin
She begged TO assure the ladies present that I
D. true way to get married was not TO strive TO
1t so. Young men liked TO do the counting thel
N selves. She further assured them that to q
= their natural selves was more pleasing TO ma
e hood In general than to affect nature that III
e. did not possess. Dress covered their bodies, Il
a. limited extent, but II did not conceal any
IL their mental defOrinites, The true way to secu
=. husband was To act natuial-nOt to put
aifs-but to cultivate sweet disposition, to
~ amable, kind, gentle, loving, and to talk OF son
d thing else than handsome young men and I
a Boston. In conclusion, she assured them that
" man OF brains who possessed good, large hel
l was greatly to be preferred to one who HI
E. nothing but riches to recommend him. "
y hoped that any young lady who found an hon,
u man. even II he were door and hOmely, shou
Is accept him, for to walt for duke or q m lOnaI
!. might conslgn her to = life without mate.
"a THE BRIlEs INDIGNANT.
N The remarks OF the old lady were Jeered at
" nearly all present. II seemed to he the opini
's OF the company that married life without an c
y giant brownstOne front, horses and carriages,
8. number Of servants, q winter In Washington
summer at the seaside, and any number Of Q
giant dresses and perfect ducks OF bOnnets wOI
t. be no life at all. The result Of their delibel
,e tions was the appointment Of q committee
4. draw up bylaws ana constitution for the gC
~ eminent OF "The Society TO Promote Early Nj
n- rlages, and 10 report the same at a future ne
IL ing to be called by the Chair.
c. The parlor was then cleared Of snpernuOus Il
T. nlture, lunch was provided, an orchestra broup
II In, and the young ladies' proceeded TO rest the
,e selves by d Two hours dancing OF the " Boston
a \ will tlaa fnE