Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-01-17
EHunOr.
Hans BreiHman.


A girl at Weston, Mo-, ran away with
circus, because her father wouldn't buy
gallon Of molasses and let her give a fash
ionable party.
The Harpers are said to be utilizing an
overstock of railroad maps by sending them
over the country to confding subscribers to
their Bazaar as fashion pstterns.
Voltaire's definition Of phy sician Isl
can unfortunate gentleman, expected every
day to perform miracle; namely, to re-
concile health with intemperance."
A popular essayist says: perhaps the
great triumph OF all moral writings, inclu-
ding sermons. is that at least they have pro
duced some sweet and innocent sleep"
Says the Times of New Orleans when
q flock of vultures wish to devour the Loul
siana pelican, they commence proceedings
BY filing their bills In the Circuis Court
A Choteau avenue (St. LOUSY girl frank
ly confesses that her advocacy Of the wo-
mans rights movement is due to the insane
desire to wear red-top boots and a pocket
pistol
"May it please your Honor, Pm deaf in
one ear" said a juryman. Then you
may leave the box, replied the Judge, las
it is necessary for juror to hear both
sides"
A Southern paper, speaking Of q nap
who was kicked by horse. says: "Hls
life was extinct for short time, but recoV-
cred 80 that he reached home Oh Saturda!
evening"
A Georgia womn is credited with having
raised large family, although not out o
her teens. 1t was her mother-n-laws fam
lily, and she did it with key of gunrowder
planted in the cellar.
A wife in New Albany, Indiana, made
her husband Christmas present of his store
bills all receipted. That seems to have been
favorite gift with wives all over the coun
try-all but the recei pt.
A ruraliss writes as follows to the De
troit chief of police: II woloped my boy
last Thursday and he jumped the house
I think he is in Detroit; If SO, wolop him
sgain and charge it to me-"
A disguised correspondent calls upon US
to denounce the long dresses ladies spoiled "
dragging them through the muddy street.
As We don't have to pay for the dresses the
ladies thus spoil, We shall leave the denun-
citation to those who do.
Two boarding school misses were over
heard conversing the other day. 'Have
you graduated Jennie 2" why bless you,
YES, graduated last session" "What did
you graduate in ?" SIN the sweetest sky.
blue silk you ever saw
One of the little pleasantries Of the gods
at the Dublin opera house consists in throw
ing on to the stage bouquet. to which
Irvine is attached. When the prima donna
goes to pick up the nosegay it is suddenly
drawn up again, amid the roars Of the 'de-
tiles"
A man in Youngstown, Ohio, bet $50
enc bitter cold day last week that he could
walk to Warren. He spoiled S45 suit Ct
clothes, $14 pair of boots, paid doctor
$40 to thaw out his ears and was arrested
at Warren as a suspicious character ana
locked up'two days in Jail. He won his
bet.
A tricky politician, who was noted for
never doing anything without sinister puF
pose, having died, the clergyman who
preached his funeral sermon said that it
would have been great consolation to the
friends Of the deceased, if they could have
ascertained his motive in thus suddenly
leaving them.
At the opening of breach of promise
case in Kentucky, the Court asked the coun-
sci fer the plaintiff how long the trial would
probably last. i can't say exactly, replied
the counsel, but will mention as one item
that have three hundred and eighty-four
love-letters written by the defendant to my
client to read
An old bachelor picking up book ex-
claimed, upon seeing woodcut of man
kneeling at the foot of woman. "before |
would kneel to woman would circle nv
neck with rope and stretch it, And then
turning to woman, he inquired Don't
you think it would be the best thing could
dop" at would, undoubtedly, be the best
thing for the woman" was the sarcastic re-
ply.
A little boy was playing with couple of
nickle FIVE cent pieces, ths other evening.
which a friend had given him, and putting
his finger on one OF them, said, this one |
am going to give the heather" He kept
on playing, till at last one of the nickles
rolled away, and he could not find it
(Which one have you lost?' asked the
friend. 1.-The Que was going to give to
the heather, replied the cherub.
A prosperous old planter having been
advised to give his son College education,
did SO. After the young man had gradua.
ted, his father sent him to New Orleans to
look after his sugar interests - ard or
reading letter from him, he exclaimed TO
the gentleman who had induced him to send
his son to college, "Just look here now, and
see how yuve made me throw away nv
money on this boy. for after all bis college
raruin' he spells sAugar without an every
time!"
A love.smitten gentleman. after CONVEX.
sing while with lady on the interesting
topic Of matrimony, concluded at last with
the emphatic question:
"Will you have me %
II am very sorry to disappoint you," re.
piled the lady, "and hope my refusal will
not give you pain; but must answer
mo-
"Well, that will do" said her philosoph-
ical lover, "and non suppose 'oe change the