, 1873-08-10
HUMOR.

| HUMoR.
IL not disoaBel.- l.-Danb4ry Nesus.
-Rector {goiug lis rounds)- An uncom-
ly al Of US aa 0t to die as him, sirl"
-Somc person who according to DR.. johnson,
TGuld not % hesitate to pick Roskot says TINT THO
tho hotel piazzas with Jehuesscs.
| =, "A lutland youth, Who ..slopod.n his board
bill, acnt thie e1aspcrating billet to hin dofrad
| Cd landlaay: "MiaH A.--pleaBo do not worry
homo. Ny prcgent hash-nakor improves on
you considerably"
"A rural paper says: "without intending to
bo personal we feel bound to declare that, il our
would feel safo about tieir money y-lotters."
IA country girl, whose supply Of buttons for
| her gown ran out, seized her mothor's buttcr-
plates, covered thcm, and found them just tho
pAttern.
| Literary Cont (at Saratoga, to Bhoddy Miss)
-" Have you read Shakespeare :" bhoddy
Miss-"Of course have. I read them when
they fuHt came out"
| half Of her lungs with mir 2" is the stern inquiry
of Q sanitary exchange. The editor Of that
paper noyer hoard tho voice of MI infuriatod
| mothor-in-1aw.
time to bring your morning mail from tho Post
! Office, don't reprove him for beng slow till yon
find out how many postal cards he has had
to read. -. ~
two classes. exploded humbugs and unexploiod
lluu,bugs-haH not yet decided, 10 far aa hoard
from, in which CLASP to locate.
--Suaan u. Anthony, remarks tho Boston
IraUet{er, wants the name Of tho Pullman cars
altered either to pull-man-and-woman or Pull
| lrTeBpcctiyc-of-aex cars.
I'm all editorial on tho horao-dieoaso, tho
Congrcgatfonalist suggested that it might DO
trnJ4 4ru Stu&& Hal $ort 1f 1y%u1. r+xI
nility. ."Jns. 30" aayH tho California Ne,os
| Letter; " slt down ut tho hind foot Of 1nule
and II ho don't humilato you: pull Luis tail and
tickle the inside Of hia loEs with stable fork
"A Paris correspondent Honds this: Why
nro you CRYING SO, my child 7" inquired mamma
Of her grown-up daughter. !" Because Milo. B.
| gavo mo q slap in thu face." "And did you ro-
| turn it r. "No; gavo her ono first" ~
| Indianapolis clalmB to hnvo 1900 children,
aud yot sl,o lot AL alligator Btaryo to death thoro
| tho other day meroy for tho wnnt Of something
Of TINT sort to oat.-Loaisuille Cou,'ier-Journai
Mot long snco young Kentuokian paid his
concluded to pop the question. After much
stammering and hesitation, the young Indy OK
olainea q t ~ I'M r partially engaged, but my mother
-.'I hope, Mrs. Giles" said lady who was
canvassing for choir at tho villago church.
"you will persuade your husband to join Ill.,
nm told he has sonorous voice." IA snorous
voice, marin 2? said Mrs. Giles. "Ah, you should
hearit comm ont Of his whom he's asleopl"
| Once a caroleHs man wont to tho collar and
| stuck tho candle III what ho thought was a keg
Of black sana. IIo sat near it drinking wine ull-
til the candle burned low; nearer and nearer it
got to tho blnck sand; noaror aud nearer, until
I the blaze roachol tho black sand and, as It WIS
nothing else but black Han1, nothing happened.
| -punch has pathetic picture of b married
couple On calling trip. AS thoy wait at tho
door where they have rl,ng the bell, AuguBtun is
| thus cautioned: " Augustus, loYo, lot mo beg
Of you! Do not give way to any insane domou-
strations Of delight before tho servant, ii sho
says they're not at home"
Ono OF tho guests ut dinner recently givon
by tho Union League Club, after eloqueutly re-
! spending to the toaHt, :. Woman, God bless hor /"
reached home quito drunk, aud Lad hIs oyo
"blacked" by Lis wife IN moment Of emotion,
"A colorod debating society in Trenton, Tenn,
has just debated the question, (which il tho
most profit to man-noney Or education z" Ono
Of the dobaters argued that If it had not been for
| education the world would not hayo been hulf 10
large as it IL. This cncher WAS met, however,
by the Irresistible argument that III t want
for money how you gwino to rido OH do kyars 7"
1t waB at onco decided in favor Of money.
Exhibitions OF l873.-Mas Clara po1lsivo Ito
her drawing g-master)-" What m ugly model
you must layo had for that young lady iu your
picture, l1r. pigment!'' Mr.. pigmont-" Do you
think sol My sister vas tho model" Miss
l ought to havo known 1t, sho il 10 like you."
AT q Sunday school concert the otllor even.
| ing, the following occurred: Littlo fellow (ro-
citing his yorso)-"I am tho Broad Of Lifo."
knowledge Of tho biblo)-" WHO said Il am tie
II said it,"
-"Jamos Jenkins" said school-mnster to
his pupil what is an avorage2" "a thing, Hir,"
answered the acholar, promptly, =. that hons lay
cggs on" why do you say that, you sllly
boy?" replied tic pcdagoguo. Is Because, SIR"
said tho youth, II heard a gentleman sly tho
other day az . hen would lay, on an average, 4
| hundred and twenty epgH n
The Ncy. -, Of Erie, Pa, ia an energetic
worker, but as yet ho has failed to convert
certain wealthy stakeholder in various mining
enterpriaesy;; =, Talking to him tho other day,
tllno by investing In mining stock now want
you to take somo stock in tho goldou stroets Of
lieavon." The reply waa q continuance OF the
metaphor: "Welf, T guess I won't invest TO-
day; I've lost considerable on that North Shore
tin Investment; and who knows hut the country
you rotor to may 10 sated too ?"
A yonth Of 10 years, residing in Bingham
ton, played 10 long on 9 rocont afternoon that
ho did not got home until supper was oyer, and
consequently waa told that lo could havo moth
ing to eat. caating ono look behind him llo
started for the door, at tho Same time romark-
| dead I want the doctor to cut NC open aud look
at my stomach" Tho mothor, greatly alarmed,
inquired what he monnt, wlieu he replied: II
want them to know that I died Of starvation"
A." "atay Of proceedings" was ordered, and tho
hoy turned from liiH uyil Intentions TO the sup
| portable.
"A young married friend tolls good joke on
hmnelf, porpetrated by little 8-yoar-old "Prlslo
Of tho family" She IL tho only pledge Of love
that Las twiled itself around the hearts aud af
fcctions OF himself and vito. a. few evenings
sinco minister visited the family and remained
until after ten. At tho table tho rovorenl visitor
askod the blessing, aud the little one oponol hor
eyes to the fullest capacity in startlol wonder
'ncnt. Blle could not ,intloratand what had boon
dono, ind y wes Will! great persuasion that her
they were as tho table. When thoy lad loft It
she walked up to tho minister for whom aho had
formed great friendship, and said "Whnt
oating5'. "My little tlurling, / thanked God Tor
1Is goodness iu giving ua to ont, 10 that we
might grow and bo strong" "papa don't say
that" What does your papa say 7" ''papa
| Courier.