davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

Dom Piatt, to be happy, must have
his joke. Here is what he has to say
of Senator Chandler: While making
his grand tour of Europe he encounter
ed our friend, General Lefevre, the
United States Consul at Nuremburg.
The conversation turning on bills pre-
sented by landlords, the Senator said
he could not complain. His bills, COM
pared to those he had to pay in Wash
ington, were reasonable enough. But
there is one thing that puzzles me, he
continued, wherever l GO, if but for
one night, am charged with buggy.
Now, the charge is low enough ifI ever
had the buggy, but 1 haven't seen a
buggy since l left the States Our
consul was bothered. He asked at last
to look at the bill, and found the learn
ed Senator had mistaken the French
word bougie' IA candle) for the honest
American one, buggy
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
WIT AND HUMOR.


How to made a horse fast-Don't
feed him.
The young man who boasted that ne
could marry any girl he pleased, found
that he couldn't please any.
What is your name, little girl:
" Minnie" " Minnie, what: d" =" Min
ME Don't, that's what mamma calls
me-"
A writer says: 1t is not the drinking,
but getting sober, that is so terrible IN
a drunkard's life!" "Why get sober
at all, them" says Swiggles.
An exuberent youth of Pittsfeld said
to supposed friend, ''Hello, Joe
Oh, excuse me, 1 thought you were
another mani" Laconic stranger: Il
am"
The regular money-taker being un-
avoidably absent was temporarily re-
placed at the Exposition London) of
the Bearded Lady and other natural
phenomena, by a pretty, bright-eyed,
ingenious girl of about fourteen
" Haw-I suppose the the-er-
Bearded Lady is your mother" observ-
ed languid swell, as he paid his ad-
mission money. "No, Sir" said the
extempore money -taker, naively, "she's
my father"
At an examination of the College of
Surgeons a candidate was asked by
Abernethy, "What would you do if a
man was blown up by powder:s Wait
till he came down." he coolly replied.
True" replied Abernethy; ''and
suppose should kick you for such an
impertinent reply, what muscles would
l put in motion:' 1.-The fexors and
extensors of my arm, for should knock
you down Immediately" The candi-
date received his diploma.
As cool person, under the circum-
stances, as was ever heard of was a
Young nobleman, who, in frightful
railrod accident, missed his valet. One
of the guardians came up to him and
said, "My lord, we have found your
servant, but he is cut in two" Jaw,
is he." said the man with Dundreary
drawl, but still with anxiety depicted
on his countenance. Will you be
gwood enough to see in which half he
has got the key to my carpet bag :"
A lot of minstrels went to a town
not far away, and advertised to give a
performance for I" the benefit of the
poor, tickets reduced to ten cents. p"
The hall was crammed full. The next
morning a committee for the poor called
upon the treasurer of the concern for
the amount said benefit had netted.
The treasurer expressed astonishment
at the demand.
81 thought" said the chairman of
the committee, "you advertised this
concert for the benefit of the poor -
Replied the treasurer, Didn't we
put the tickets down to ten cents, so
that the poor could all Gomez"
The committee vanished.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
Horse COurtship.

Mr.. G. Gerard, now of Philadelphia,
but formerly American Consul at Cape
Town, Cape of Good Hope, communi-
Gates to the press of the former city the
following amusing Renaissance OF his
African Consular experience: There
is very singular custom among the
farmers-how to get wife. If you
desire to get married you should first
make inquiry whether the lady you love
has horse if so, you must ask her
whether she has horse for sale. If
she says No. then you had better
quit the house at once. She does not
like you. But if, on the contrary, she
says Yes,' it is a good sign, but she
will ask you a very high price. If the
amount named is paid on the spot, the
engagement is concluded as fully as if
the marriage was consummated by the
parson.
"On my arrival at the Cape, l did
not know of this custom. | wanted to
purchase horse, and | was informed
by an old Dutch resident that widow
had one to sell. l followed
the address given and soon arrived at
the door of the widow (who by the way,
was not bad-looking). l asked her
whether she had horse to SELL She
looked at me very sharp; then asked
me whether l had some letters of in
PRODUCTION. I said that l was the
American Consul, and would pay cash
for her horse In that case,' said she,
letters are not necessary paid
down the sum demanded then, after
taking cup of coffee, she sent her
horse by her groom, and both accom-
panied me home. On the road the
groom asked me thousand questions,
Master said he, "will my mistress
go live with you in town, or will you
come live with u.s. You will love my
mistress, for she was very kind to my
old master (laughing). Where will the
wedding be- docking at me and laugh
ing). Truly thought the poor fel-
low has drunk too much or he is an i'm
becile.' l felt sorry for him. When |
arrived home l found many people at
my door congratulating me, not for the
horse, but for the acquaintance of the
widow. Truly said one, you have
been very successful She is very rich,
said another. | really did not know
what it meant, and l began to be very
uneasy, when, to my very great surprise,
lady alihgted on my steps, and at
once recognized the widow. She very
coolly asked me when desired to have
the ceremony of the wedding performed.
Then, indeed, l fully perceived the
scrape in which l was, and told her
frankly that it was a horse l wanted,
and not wife. What said she, do
you mean to act thus to lady like me
If so, | shall send back for my horse,
and will repay you the money In a
few hours her groom was at my door
with the money. l gladly gave back
the horse, thankful to have thus escap-
ed. A few weeks after, however, the
widow was married; more ambitious
man had bought her horse"
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

1t is rumored that Prince Bismarck's
next stroke will be to induce Denmark
to enter Germany on the terms granted
to the Bavarians-that is, with her
autonomy preserved on all but imperial
questions.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

In all evils which admit remedy, i'm
patience should be avoided, because it
wastes that time and attention in COM
plants which, if properly applied,
would remove the cause,
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

The more believers love God, the
more they love one another; as the lines
of circle, the nearer they come to the
centre, the nearer they come to each
other Charnock.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
Caution.

We hereby notify the trade and consumers that we
are the EXCLUSI manufacturers Of the original
- II. C. Portmann" Soap, having purchased the FAC
tory and the right to manufacture Soap under the
above name and trade marx. The brand now in the
market known as G.. E Portmann sOap. Is rot the
ORIGINAL l.. although the stamps and stencils
y exact limitations of the same, with the exception of
the initials q. r. instead OF j. IL. G. Consumes will
please see that boxes and Soap are branded j. II.
Portmann and thus be assured that they purchas
ing the genuine article We also manufacture Kane's
Condensed SOAP Thomas Cool Water Bleaching
SOAP 'Standard, Eureka and 1t halleuge Wash
ing Powders. Eureka Soap" "Harness Soap Car
bolic Sheep Wash" Best SOAP Laundry, "Prizc
Medal" "DeterSive" "I hemical Olive. " 'Olein." and
.Frasive" scans "Snicated Saponia" and CRYSTAL
Polish washing Fluid" and Liquid Blueing," "
''Florida Water "Bav Rum" " Hair Oils, and 4
plete assortment OF Toilet soaps"
STANDARD SOAP CO.,
2O4, zoo, and 2Os Sacramento Street
San Francisco.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
REAL HAIR P0MPAD0UR BRAIDS,

THICK, WITHOUT RATS, from SO to ~ 25; long
switches. S5 three long heavy ide curls. SO 25 long
single curs, 81 First quality hair. Tangled hair made
into curls switches side curls steamed for twenty
five cents. All work done cheaper than elsewhere.
JOHN ID. WILSON, All Sutter Street, opposite the
Synagogue, San Francisco.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

Public Speakers and Singers will find
Browns Bronchial Troches beneficial in clearing
the voice before speaking or singing, or in re-
lievng the throat after any exertion of the vocal
organs. For Coughs or Colds the Troches are
efectual.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
A WONDERFUL BEDsTEAD.

1t is regular Bedstead- sick person, however
large, handled as easy as babe Raises the PARENTS
up Turns them over from side the other-Makes
up the bed and changes the clohes-Flaces patient
the feet or vessel Separates paIent from bed and
cools the bed-Rocks to seep-And all without using
the hands disturbing the sumbers.
BENJAMIS POLLARD,
lilo Market Street, San Francisco
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

LAZY FARMERS.-LaZlneSS prevents
a man from getting off his horse to put
up the first rail that gets knocked off
the fence, and through his lazy neglect
a whole field of corn is seriously dam
aged.
Laziness keeps man from driving
one nail when one would do, and final
ly costs carpenters bill for extensive
repairs.
Laziness allows gate to get off the
hinges and lie in the mud or stand
propped by rails-or stable or barn
to leak and damage hundreds of dollars
worth of provender.
Laziness, in short, is the right and
proper name for nine -tenths of the ex-
cuses given for bad farming. By far
the most prolific of the many wastes
that are due to laziness is the waste of
ignorance. But this waste is in itself
SO great, and has so many ramifications
that we shall have to defer its discus
sion for another time.-Dirie Tenn.
Farmer.
FATTEN1NG HoGs.-I experimental
five years in fattening hogs, three with
meal well scalded and cooked before
feeding, and the other two in feeding
corn boiled. l shelled the corn from
the cob, and boiled it slowly in boil
er, and fed eight quarts per hog, daily,
keeping the boiler well covered all the
time, so as to have all the heat possible.
The hogs that fed with boiled corn
fattened fully one-fourth faster than
with meal, and the pork was well pack
ed with leaf lard and was solid and de-
licious enough for the most fastidious.
One of my neighbors has fattened his
hogs for several years past on dry meal,
giving two quarts to each hog three
times day; for drink he gives them
cold water. He claims this to be the
cheapest and best way. Certainly
there are no better than he raises, for
their age, and no cleaner, handsomer
pork.-Cor. The People.
THE GARDEN-Where the soil is
heavy, or where there is liability to
change, very little advantage is gained
in early sowing in the open air or early
transplanting, excepting with few
seeds or plants that endure the frost.
Late sown seeds, with unchecked
growth, will soon overtake and leave
behind the plants that have been re-
tarded and often checked in their
growth by cold.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
Spffial Tutiffs.

HoUSEwoRTHS CELEBRATED PHOTOGRAPH
&c PARLORs, No. u Montgomery Street, opposite
Lick House. Houseworth's Yosemite Art Gallery and
saesroom. Montgomery ST.. under Lick House, s. +.
Since these two immense establishments have been
combined under agement, entire change has
been made, and and talented artists from abroad
the place Of those previously employed and
they are producing the finest Portraits made. They
make Photographs of Celebrities a speciality. Their
Photographs have obtained a world wide reputation
and were awarded the Medals at the Paris Exposition
Of 1867 and at the Vienna Ex position of 1878.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
BOOTS AND SHOES

! !:
TOHy SULLIVAN, Northeast
y cor of Hst:efy and Jackson SITS, $. .E-
offers to make TO OF der the best French Calf kRH
Leather BOOTS. at from 81 10 50; Calltor- Iii
mia Leather Boots, S6: French Calf Oxford ES1
Ties, $780, California So.
Boys and ChIdrens' Boots and Shoes
made TO order.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22

DENTISTRY EXTRAORDINARY. - 1t is often
asked If it is absolutely necessary that dentists
should charge so high for inserting gold filings
to insure good work. We can answer unhesitat-
inely, "No!" DR.. Porter, who has opened an
elegant Office at % Montgomery Street, opposite
the Lick House entrance. San Francisco, does all
manner Of Dentistry AT New York PRICES, and
his gold filings, for beauty and finish and for
durability, cannot be excelled. He is recently
from New York, and is " well up" in his profess
sion, and will thoroughly please all who will call
upon him-both in price and style Of work. DR..
Porter makes the care and preservation of teeth,
and of children's teeth, careful study; and is
prepared to execute in the best manner possible
all work brought to his Office.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-11-22
NoNPAREIL GRINDING MILLS.

FARM FEED, BONE, DRCG, AND HAND; ten sizes
Also, COTTOS-SEED HULLERS-
Illustrated pamphlets free. Address
j. sEDGEBEER, Painesvile, Ohio.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-09-06
NATURES OWN ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS SYRUP
Frank Miller's Harness Oil is the best.
Want of Vitality.

TIA deficiency of vital energy is not disease in
itselfit is condition which lays the system open
to the attacks of all conceivable maladies. Night
and day are surrounded more or less by delete
rious influences. No atmosphere is entirely pun c.
no water utterly free from Injurious particles;
while in many localities both are positively un-
wholesome. W lat defence has the weak, languid
dormant, against any of the morbid influences
which produce epidemic and other diseases None
whatever. There is safety save in artificial re-
enforcement. Hostetters Stomach Bitters have,
beyond all ques lion, vialzlng effect II the nery-
forces Of the body have been reckessly ex-
pended in exhausting physical or mental labor, or
dissipated in the indulgences Cf "fastn life, this
powerful veg table tonic and corrective will re-
store them. If the defective vitality is consitu-
tional evil it can be remedied to great xtent by
this wonderful invgor At season of the year
when the air is more or less imp~egnated with the
seeds Of periodic fevers it is especially desirable
that the digestion should be perfect the habit o
body regular, the liver active, the blood pure and
the nerves firm. These conditions are the bes
protection against all disorders, and they con
ditions which the Bitters are better adapted thar
any other medicinal agent to.promote and secure
See to it, however, that no imitation counterfeit
is substituted for the genuine article, and let al
who value health and have an sntipathy to poison
beware of the local bitters made from condemned
sprung up like unwholeseme fungi over the eeun
try. I
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-09-06
WOrking-WOmen in Vienna.

A correspondent writes from Vienna
that nearly every women and girl, both
of the wages and middle classes, work
and earn their own living. "Passing
along the street" he observes, " it has
not been my lot yet to see lady or
girl leaning idly from the windows, or
sitting within listlessly perusing some
novel or other, as we so often see nthe
cities at home. On the contrary, they
are all busy at something from morning
until night. AT every turn I find lady
clerks, store-women, cashiers, women
IN restaurants, women everywhere, right
down to cleaning boots on the pubic
streets and they all work for very
little, yet seem blithe and cherry, come
ly and content. Women who labor on
the buildings are generally of the
peasantry class.
They are dressed in costumes half
manly, half womanly, with colored
handkerchiefs tied over their heads as
covering; they get paid the same as
the Slomacks-the men laborers-from
ninety kreutzers as cents) up to one
form and ten kreutzers (55 cents) for a
day of eleven hours, commencing work
at A. M, taking one hour at noon for
dinner, then working on and quitting
at P. NJ. They are allowed to stand
up during the working hours and take
lunch and drink, which they do,
taking the latter with as much gusto as
the fOndeSt lover of 1aoer bear On
Sunday you should see them dressed.
Bright red handkerchiefs on their heads,
tied under their chins, one end hanging
away down their backs faces as clean
as soap and water will make them clean,
stiff starched, but short cotton dresses,
worsted stockings, and strong brogans,
leaning upon the arm of some private
OF the Austro- Hungarian army, or sit
ting with their male comrades in some
one of the many beer gardens where
the people mostly congregate on Sun.
days and holidays"
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-09-06
A Hard Case.

A lawyer was recently arraigned be-
fore the Court of Queens Bench,
charged with malpractice.
1t was a very painful case. The at
torney was in partnership with his
brother, who, he found, had misappro-
pristed two sums of money-oneo of $500
and another of e1,000, belonging to a
client. The choice, when he ascertained
this unwelcome fact, lay between de-
nouncing his brother as a thief and
running the firm, on the one hand, and
mourning the responsibility of conceal
ing the truth from the client concerned,
on the other.
He concluded to conceal it, and paid
the client the interest on the amount,
hoping one day to make the principal
good.
But the brother absconded; the de-
falcation became known, and the unfor-
tunate and unhappy attorney was sum-
moned to answer before the court.
The court, in giving Judgment, spoke
feelingly of the terrible nature of the
temptation to shield brother under
which the fault had been committed, OF
the suffering which the attorney had un.
dergone, and of the utter ruin which
had been brought upon him by his
brothers delinquencies. Still, for the
protection of suitors, punishment
must be inflicted; and the sentence was
that the attorney be suspended from
practice for nine months.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-09-06
A Profitable Exchange.

The following interesting adventure
in the life of hero of novel will be
found interesting: Going down st.
James street in London one evening
with a person who had treated him with
much civility, he is run violently against
by an accomplice of his companion,
knocked down androbbed of his money.
His "civil" friend leaves him in the
lurch, and seeks his lodgings, there be-
ing no remedy for his loss.
To divert his mind. he repairs to the
theatre, and takes his stand among the
crowd which surrounds the entrance.
He observes that the people about him
seem watchful of each other; and
presently the cry of "Take care of your
pockets y renews his fears, and putting
his hand to his fob he misses his watch!
Looking eagerly around he fixed his
eye upon his quondam friend, who has
aided in robbing him. He goes on to
say:
"The blood mantled in my face. You
have. stolen my watch, said l. He
could not Immediately escape, and
made no reply, but turned pale, looked
at me as if entreating silence and COM
miseration, and put a watch into my
hand. felt momentary compassion,
and he presently made his retreat.
His retiring did but increase the press
of the crowd, so that it was impossible
for me so much as to lift up my arm.
therefore continued, as the safest way,
to hold the watch in my hand. Soon
afterward the door opened, and hur-
ried it into my waistcoat pocket for
was obliged to make the best use of all
my limbs, that l might not be thrown
down and trodden under foot Al
length, after very uncommon struggles,
1 made my way to the money door
paid and entered the pit. After taking
breath and gazing around me. sal
down and inquired of my neighborS
how soon the play would begin ]
was told in an hour. This new delay
occasioned me to put my hand in my
pocket and take out my watch, which
as | supposed, had been returned by
the thief. But, good Heavens wha
was my surprise, when, in lieu of my
own plain watch, in a green shagreel
case, the one | was now possessed o
was set round with diamonds And, in
stead of ordinary steel and brass, it,
appendages were weighty gold chail
and seals My establishment was grea
beyond expressionl I opened it t.
examine the works, and found it wa
capped. l pressed upon the nut and i
Immediately struck the hour. 1t was
repeater p
Think Of that position, for an homes
man, with the detecting proof of hi
evident guilt ringing in his pocket.
Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-09-06
Took Refuge i'm a Log.

The romaneer of the Detroit Press
talks as follows: "a Detroiter named
Andrew Steadman who buys cattle, deals
in hides, and occasionally makes a dol
lar by buying and selling produce, went
on to Nankin Township a few days ago
to buy a span of heavy horses which
were wanted by firm in the city. Upon
reaching the farmers house he found
that the man was working with a neigh
Dor a mile away. To save the distance
he cut across lots, but was warned be-
fore he started to look out for a savage
bovine which had the run of a ten-acre
field. Thinking how he was going to
get that span of horses for $50 less than
their value, Steadman kept plodding
through the field, which had strip of
bushes two or three rods wide running
half way across it. There were a few
stumps and logs, one small tree, but
nothing which prevented any one from
crossing the strip. The Detroiter was
about ten rods from the bushes when he
heard "a distant thunder sound, and
looked around to see from which way
the shower was coming. About thirty
rods away he beheld the old bovine COM
ing for him, head down, back up, and
eyes blazing. Steadman was satisfied
he was the man who was wanted, and he
went for the bushes. He thought the
bull would stop and run around the
strip, and was startled when the old fell
low dashed through them on his trail
uttering deep boom 7 every instant.
Steadman lodges this way and that, but
the bovine tore along after him, smash
ing bushes and leaping logs, and it was
getting to be red-hot affair when the
man spied the open end of large hol-
low log. The bull was not over forty
feet behind, and into the log went
Steadman, finding an oriice about
twelve feet long, and large enough to be
roomy. ssThe bovine had seen the move
ment, and stopped at the log and ripped
off a bushel of bark at the first dash
Then puttinghis horns under it he gave
it a roll, and Steadman spun around
like dried pea in policemans whis
tie. The log was large, but old ant
tender, ana every time the Dull hauleC
back and jumped for it he covered him
self with glory and clouds of bark ant
wood. Sometimes he whirled one end
add then he gave the centre heave
and then he knocked foot off the othe
end. Steadman swore, shrieked ant
pleaded, his eyes full of bark and hi
mouth stopped up, and every act of hi
life passed before him like a vision
'W-o-o-h!w-h-o-o -h!bellowed the bovin
as he slammed away at the log, anC
every moment Steadman expected t,
see the roof cave in on him. He was il
despair, when he heard the barking o
dogs and the shouts of men, and afte
few minutes the farmers succeeded i!
releasing him, but it took good hou
to get the kinks out of his back and th
rotten wood from his ears and eyes.