Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-11-30
ONE OF THE T. +. VS..
Mrs. squtIrs Mother objects to MuttO


81 made Mrs. Squills as mad as fort,
the other night" said Squills; 81 haC
left my latch-key at home and had tx
ring the old lady out of bed"
al hated to do it, of course" sale
Sqmlls; "but could not roost out al
night on the door mat, and when she
came down she looked the reverse OF
rosy, 1 tell you
Its extraordinary, Mr.. Squills, you
can't think of your latch-key. Making
me come down night after night" she
hadn't done it for year, said Squills,
waking me out of my first sleep, and
catching my death of cold, and blowing
my nose half off with the rheumatism. y
al tried to look as sorry as if she had
lost her latch-key, and knocked me out
of bed instead" said Squills.
Never mind, Mr.. Squills; only wait
till dear baby catches the consumption,
and then you'll wish you'd never seen
a latch-key, perhaps .
Catches what, my love?"
Consumption, Mr.. Squills. Latch
keys have brought more blessed babies
to their latter ends than you dream of,
Mr.. Squils, and I only hope my nose
won't strike into baby's lungs and carry
her off, that's all )"
81 hoped she would not be abducted
in that way" said Squills, ''and then l
saw was in for it. So, when I got up
stairs, 1 pulled off my coat and boots,
put on my dressing gown, lighted my
pipe, drew my chair up to the fire, and
sat down to wait for the hurricane 1t
wasn't long coming. She was sitting
bolt upright in bed against the pillows,
and knew that meant fight
Mr.. Squills, I'm sorry you bought
mutton for tomorrow"
why, my love?''
You know mother never touches
mutton. What's that, sir? Shy a
cold later at her and let her GO No,
Mr.. Squills, l shall not let her 60 and
/ shall not shy cold later at her. l
suppose you learn that disgusting vul-
garity at the lodge. A pretty thing,
indeed! A man who calls himself re-
spectacle, telling the wife of his bosom
to shy cold 'tater' at her own moth
er. I'd have you know, Mr.. Squills,
that my mother isn't that kind of a
woman; you can't shy cold potatoes at
her with impunity, and what's more
you shan't."
Nor roast mutton either" I said.
MY family wasn't raised on cold po-
tatoes in old Virginia, Mr.. Squills,
whatever your family was. WHAT'S
the matter with mutton? Ask your
own heart, Mr.. Squills, if you have a
heart. You know you might as well
set her down to a mess of wool. And
then, as that's not cruel enough, you
want me to shy cold potatoes at her.
What's that you say about rip Mr..
Squills? Did you dare to say let her
rip?'"
Il tried to put in here and explain
said Squills, that was only getting
off Rip Van Wrinkles joke, and that l
didn't mean anything personal, but it
wasn't Of any use. She had got her
Shenandoah away up, and that isn't
stopable, you know, in one of the first
families"
Don't insult me with your beastly
jokes, sir. Can youlook that dearinfantin
OuC IdCCy ulllo, dlOtl btLlllS LII ulOCu-
to throw potatoes at her grandmother,
and to let her rip all because she don't
like wool for dinner? And she shan't
eat it, sir. No, sir; not if die for it
the next instant, Squills. She shall
have can of oysters and box of sar-
dimes all to her dear old self in the
kitchen, and I'd like to see you throw
cold DOtato at bar -
This kind of argument was unan-
swerable," said Squills, $50 1 sat and
smoked my pipe and she subsidized.
just as l was getting into bed, she
looked up and said Mr.. Squills, don't
forget to bolt the door,"
1.-The next day, Sunday, don't know
where it came from, but there was a
turkey on the table, and Mrs. Squills
and the dear old party from the Shen-
andoah valley were all as smiling as
you please. Inever said mutton once, !"
said Squills.-St. Louis Republican.