Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1873-01-23

Aunt Hetty On Katrimony.

Now girls, said Aunt Hetty, put down
your embroidery and worsted work, do
something sensible, and stop building air
castles, and talking of lovers and honey
moons; it makes me sick, it's perfectly an
timonial. Love is a fsrce-matrimonyi is
humbug; husbands are domestic Napo-
Icons, heroes, Alexanders, signing for
other hearts to conquer after they are sure
of yours. The honeymoon is "a short
lived as lucifer match; after that you
may wear your wedding dress at the wash
tub, and your night cap TO meeting. aud
your husband wouldn't know 1t. You
may pick up your own pocket handkcr-
chief, help yourself to chair, and split
your gown across the back reaching over
the table 10 get piece of butter, while lac
is laying in his breakfast as if it were the
last meal he should eat in this world :.
when he gets through he will aid Your dig
estion (while you are slipping your first
cup of Coffee, by inQuirins what you'll
have for dinner, whether the cold lamb was
all ate yesterday; If the charcoal is all
out. and what you gave for the last green
tea you bought. Then he gets up from
the table, lights his cigar with the last eve
nings paper that you have not had n
chance TO read; gives two or three whifts
of smoke. sure to give you the headache
for the afternoon. and just as his coat tail
Is vanishing through the door, apologies
for not doing THAT errand " for you yes
terday-thnks it is doubtful if he can to-day
- so pressed ruth business" Hear OF
him at III O'Clock, taking ice cream with
some ladies at Ninton's while you are at
home new lining his coat sleeves. Chill
dren by the ears all day. can't get out to
take the air, feel as crazy as fly in a drum /;
husband comes home at night, mods a
"how dye do, Fan" boxes Charley's ears.
stands little Fanny in the corner. sits down
in the easiest chair IN the warmest corner.
puts his feet up over the CRATE. shutting
out all the fire while :he babv's little pug
nose grows blue with the cold; reads the
newspaper all TO himself, solaces his inner
man with a cup of hot tea. and just you
are laboring under the Authorization that
he will ask you to take n mouthful OF fresh
air with him. he puts on his dressing gown
and slippers, and begins 10 reckon up
family expenses. after which he lies down
on the sofa. and you keep time with yonr
needle, while he SHORES till O'Clock.
Next morning ask him TO leave you
" a little money, ;" he looks AZ you as If
be sure that you are in your right mind,
draws a sigh long enough and strong
enough TO initiate !pair of bellows and
asks you % what you want with it. and if
half dollar won't do" Gracious king.
as If those little shoes. and stockings and
pettcoats could be had for half dollar.
Oh girls. Set your affections on cats. pood-
les. parrots or lap dogs-but let matrimony
alone. It's the hardest way on earth of
getting living-you never know when
your work is done up. Think of carrying
eight or nine children through the measles.
chicken-pox. rash. mumps. and scarlet
fever, some of EN- twice over; it makes
my head ache to think of it. Oh. YOU may
SC rmp and save and twist and turn and
dig and delve and economic AND DIE. and
your husband will marry again. and take
what you have saved to dress his second
wife with. and she'll take your portrait for
a fire board: but whats the use oftalking:
I'll warrant every one of you'll try it, the
first chance you get; there's sort of
bewitchment about it. somehow. Iwish
one half of the world warn't fools. and
tother half idiots, | do. Oh. dear