davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
IncrematiOn.

The Rev. Charles Voysey, an eminent
English clergyman, comes out strongly in
a letter to the London Iader in favor of
the new plan. He proposes that when
death has ensued the body should be
chemically destroyed, and Them. he
says, it should be placed in some recep-
tacle containing those powerful agents
known to chemical science, which would
simply annihilate the outward form, and
practically destroy it. There would ne
.cessarily be some deposit, which one might
call ashes of the dead; and these might
be reverently gathered and placed in a
beautiful urn or vase, to be disposed of
according to the wishes of the survivors.
They might easily be deposited in conse-
Grated places, in inches in the walls of
churches, or in mortuary chapels designed
for their reception. This, too, might be
accompanied by religious service: so
that the religious elements left untouched
by my revolutionary proposal. The ad-
vantage of all this to people of highly
wrought feelings would be immense. /
can imagine the peaceful calm which
would steal over the mind when one could
take reverently into ones hands the
sacred urn and say, This holds all that
remains of my beloved No horror OF
dark vaults and damp graves, with their
cCCllilllS Ntil uplioh' NJ pItClOuS bOuy
being eaten piecemeal by worms of the
earth, or melting away in a loathsome
stream. The form is changed; the sui .
stance really remaining after chemical
burning is not in the least degree sugges-
tive of the past or the future. The body
is saved thereby from every possible dis
honor, purified from every decay. No
words can describe the relief which such
a process would bring to many and many
an afflicted soul. On the ground of health
to the community, it would also be most
salutary. We little know, in England at
least, what mischief is brewing for us in
our seething cemeteries. They are get
ting fuller and fuller, at the rate of | know
not how many corpses day, the later
ones being nearer and nearer the surface.
Many are within four feet OF the turf, and
that is not enough to prevent the escape
of the most foul and pestilential gases. |
know of one old cemetery which is low
occupied by cooperage, and which is
constantly wet with Stagnant water. All
around it typhus fever is perpetually rag
ing. The danger would not be so great if
the bodies were buried without coffin.
The earth would sooner disinfect them
but as it is, the mischief is nursed and
multiplied hundred-fold by the process
OF decay being delayed
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Shooting Stars.

MosT people are like an egg, too phull
ov themselfs to hold emmy thing else.
A reputashun for honor once lost, liz
lost forever.
Men who llno the least, alwus argy the
most.
To be big man among big men, IL
what proves a mans karallter-to be a
bul frog amung tadpoles, don't amount to
mutch.
What blessed thing it IL that we kant
"see ourselfs az others see us"-the sight
would take all the starch out ov us.
| never question a suckcess emmy more
than DO the right ov bull dog to lie in
hiz own gateway.
TO wake up from sweet sleep IL to be
born agin.
Expectashun IL the child ov hope, and
like lis parent IL an arrogant brat.
Mi friend, yu may be more cunning than
most men, but yu amt more cunning than
all men.
Excentricitys are most alwus artyfishall,
and the best that kan be sed of them liz,
they are quite az often the result of diff
dence az of vanity.
If want tew git at the trew karakter
ov a man, study hiz vices more than
do his virtews.
Faith wont make man virtewous, but
it makes what virtew he haZ got red hot.
Those who expekt tew keep themselfs
pure in this life, must keep their souls bile
ing all the time, like pot, and keep all
the time sllimming the surface.
Thare il nothing so delishus tew the
soul ov man az an ockashunal moment ov
sadness.
The man whose only pleZzure in this
life IL making mummy, weighs less on the
moral skales than an angleworm.
Manner IL far more attraktive than matter
monkeys are watched clusser than eagles
are.
Jelus people alwus luv themselfs more
than they do thoze that they are jelous
oV.
The purest and best specimens of hui
man natur that the world haZ ever seen,
or ever will see, hav bin the virtewous
heather.
Men don't fail so often in this world from
want ov right motives az they do for lack
ov grip.
Thare IL only two neil in this world
who never make emmy blunders, and they
are yu and me, mi friend.
Every man seems tew have hiZ price,
except the newsmonger, they prefer to
work for nothing, and board themselfs.-
Josh Billings.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
The Modern Tree of knowledge.

JOSIAH QUINCY, in speaking of news
papers and their worth, says: "YOu will
find copious extracts giving the heart of
the best modern books, and intelligent
summaries of the systems they advocate.
Here are occasional sermons into which
leading divines have put their most earn
est thought. Here are vigorous express
sions of the best political intelligence
clipped from the leaders of the best news
papers. And, quite as important, here
are little crisp criticisms of laundering
political work from indignant citizens,
whose daily duty has brought them face
to face with the absurdities of legislation.
Take the best newspapers by all means
as many of them as you can affOrd-and
then take nine-tenths of their reading mat
ter for granted. Some of it is good for
nobody; much of it is good for some-
body; but only small part is wanted by
you. But how precious are these frag-
ments, if wisely chosen. If you are in
terested in the investigation of any politi-
cal subject-and every American citizen
should have some study of this sort--yOu
will find in almost every newspaper an il
lustration of some aspect of it. Remem-
Der it is better to subscribe to few first
class newspapers, that you may read at
home with the scissors in your hand, than
to glance over score of them in public
reading-room. Almost everything that is
good and useful to know gets said or
copied or suggested in some column of
our free press. Venerable absurdities are
exposed by thinkers of acknowledged
ability; and institutions worth preserv-
ing are defended against the assaults of
the foolish. But, If newspapers may be
put to noblest uses, they may be so used
as to enervate, and even to demoralize.
Let us love them wisely, but not too
WE'LL
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Digestion and Legislation.

How much of the distracted state of re-
cent legislation has been produced by the
work of law-making being carried on
when the brains of the lawmakers are
ob.cured by fumes of dinner, and their
lungs dsordered by an impure atmos-
phere? The evil is one which everybody
recognizes in general terms; but the re-
cognition is of that imperfect kind which
produces no corresponding fruit in action.
The most important part of all public
business is probably performed by men
whose state of health is below par, and at
hours of unusual fatigue and obfuscation.
Everybody who is accustomed to intel
lectual work knows the importance OF
seizing the few hours during which his
faculties are perfectly fresh, and he is un-
conscious of the load of heavy matter
which he is compelled to drag about with
him. But in practice, let islation of all
kinds frequently consists in first reducing
some hundreds of gentlemen to condi.
ton in which their brains are working
with diminished energy. and then Undue
ing them to catch at the first compromise
which allows them to escape from di
lemma which they are too dull to solve
logically. If you want to hang him
hang him; and if you want to let him go
let him go but, for Gods sake, let's ge
out of this!" were the emphatic las
words of the celebrated Cornish juryman
and they pretty well represent the stat,
of mind in which decisions are taken by ;
distracted meeting of any kind. Now {
genuine appreciation of the vast import
ance of thorough physical health woulC
lead to the conclusion that you should NJ
more set people to decide difficult point
oflegislation when they are necessarily il
man 10 row race Just after heavy din
ner. The work which is done well is tina
which is done with fresh brain and
system not overloaded. Our present sys
tenn seems to go on the hypothesis tina
the digestion is far too contemplate
thing to be taken into consideration at all
Perhaps the consequences are about wha
we might expect from the premises witt
which we start.-Sdturday ReUieo.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

It's a great blessing to have by nature strong
constitution, but not more than one-haf of the In
habitants of the civilized world thus provided.
Many constitutions are feeble TO begin with, many
others, originally vigorous, are crippled by over
exertion, dissipation, unhealthy surroundings,
grief, priyatlon, or some other portentous cause,
before the prime of life is attained. But is this an
evil without remedy or palliative? No! Con-
stitutions can be replaced. Hundreds OF thousands
of instances might be adduced in which consttu-
tioi al decay has been arrested by the continuous
use of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters as an invigo-
rant. 1t is constitutional strength that enables
one man to recover from disease which would be
mortal to another destitute of this element of re-
sistance. Whenever a malady of any kind obtains
a foothold In any part of the human body, and be-
comes chronic fixture there, 1t is proof positive
that the constitution has been mastered by the dis
ease and urgently requires help In such case
Hostetters Bitters should be taken at least three
times q day. until the natural powers of the system
are recruited. Then the morbid principle which
generated and feeds the complaint will have to
succumb to the influence of animal vigor, aided by
the toning, regulating purifying operation of the
Btters upon the organ or organs in which the all
ment is located. There's nothing like this mighty
tonic to prop the falling"
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Strike of the Waiter Girls.

The unhappy waiter-girls of three Chi
cago hotels are on strike. Those at the
Sands House have for some time had a
difference of opinion with the proprietor
about the hour of rising, PERCEPTION
hours" salaries and other minor points,
but their feelings were most outraged by
a recent order that they should piously
abstain from flirting with the guests.
They could be patient under other griev-
ances, but under this, never; so they had
meeting and swore by all the gods and
goddesses who preside over the dispen-
sation of hash that they would strike.
And they remorselessly chose the dinner
hour as the time for action. The bell
rang, and the famished guests took their
places, and simultaneously the girls sailed
out of the front door, dressed in their gay
est finery. The frenxied proprietor pro-
NOTED laundresses, kitchen scrubs, bell
boys-anything, everything-to the va
cancies thus created, and with this extern
porized force the dinner was served. La
ter in the day the "strikers" applied for
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Grand Juries.

ARCHBISHOP WHATELEY said that ex-
perts, though the best class to judge of
innovations of detail in their own calling,
were the very worst class to decide upon
changes which rose to be revolutions.
The remark showed the Archbishop's
usual sagacity. 1t is undeniable that all
great law reforms have been stubbornly
resisted by practicing lawyers. We are
surprised, therefore, to find in the Lat0
Reuieao an article, evidently written by an
experienced criminal lawyer, which pro-
poses an innovation so sweeping as the
abolition of grand juries. The number OF
the grand jury is unwieldy, to be sure,
and its proceedings are apt to be slow.
But it is not the present grand jury alone
that the critic objects to. 1t Is to any
grand Jury at all. And his objection is
simply that the grand jury is useless. 1t
cannot by finding bill secure an indict-
ment and trial. The public prosecutor
may pigeon-hole its bill, or enter noLLe
prosequi, or draw his indictment so loosely
that it is sure to be quashed., 1t cannot by
refusing to find bill secure the release of
the man whom it is unwilling to indict.
The public prosecutor can dismiss his re-
luctant grand jury and present new in
dictment to another grand Jury more pro-
pitious to him. In fact it is the public
prosecutor who makes or mars the fates of
persons accused of crime before they are
brought to the bar, and it is he and not an
acephalous, irresponsible, secret tribunal
to whoM the credit for doing his business
well or the discredit for doing it i'll ought
to attach. The critic of the Lao Reuieto
proposes to substitute for the grand jury
the United States commissioner in United
States courts, and the district attorney in
State courts, and t0 give these function
aries in name what they now have in fact
the power to hold malefactors for trial
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Hollands Elephant.

The little kingdom of Holland is hav-
ing its Rir Van Wrinkle sleep Of peaceful
ness broken by the turbulence of native
chief in her far-away possession of the
island of Sumatra. He calls himself the
Sultan of Atcheen, and he is the ruler of
fierce, warlike people, who have thus far
succeeded in maintaining theif indepen-
dence of the Dutch. The trouble is that
the Malay pirate S, who are subjects of the
sultan, have lately been committing ex-
tensive outrages on British shipping and
as, by treaty with Great Britain, Hol-
land is pledged to protect the British sub
iects within the jurisdiction of the island
as well as her own, steps had to be taken
to stop these piratical doings and get re-
paration. But protests had no effect with
the Sultan of Atchin, and King William
has finally lost patience and declared war
with the barbarian. Considering that the
sultan has quite a formidable army, and
the distance of Holland from the field of
operations, the war promises to become
a pretty costly matter to the Dutch, and
may prove as much of an elephant as the
Cuban insurrection is to Spain.-Spring-
field (Mass,) Republican.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
ARrHuR's ILLUSTRATED HOME MAGA

ARTHUR's ILLUSTRATED HOME MAGA-
ZINE Among the interesting contents OF the
May number are: Frontispiece- Picture oil the
Old Homestcad The Sleeping Babe-illustrated; /;
The Straits of Magellan-illustrated A Visit TO
Friends Meeting; Iceland-ilustrated; Cruel
Nursery Lessons The Coming Schoolmaster; The
arpercaillic-illusuated Going with the Angels
illustrated; A Day Lost; The Wolf and the
Lamb illustrated; The Deacon's Household;
Alice and rhube Cary and their Friends;
Crooked Places; Hetty Hendcrson's Era; Neces-
sty Of Sleep; Our Club; Observation-Disclosures
The Shoemaker's Daughter. The different House
hold departments are well filed with useful mat
ter. Terms, So. 80 year, or 81 80 for six months
with reduction for clubs. beautiful steel en-
craving sent free to each subscriber, whether SIN
gle or in clubs. Address Il. s. ARTHUR Son
Philadelphia, Pa.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

mons, so far at least as their strictly reli-
gious notions are concerned, are essen
tally mystics and believe in mystical in
terpretations as strongly as did the Phar-
isees among the Jews. The analogy of
Brigham's seven counsellors with the
seven angels of the dispensation, the
seven heavens. and the "seven planets"
will undoubtedly strike the imaginations
of many of them, and reconcile them to
the innovation upon the ancient order OF
things. The trap was cleverly and sud-
denly sprung upon the Twelve, with
whom no consultation had been held in
regard to the matter, and before they
knew it. they were more under the con-
troll of the Prophet than they had ever
been before. His successor will probably
be one of his own sons, or possibly George
Q. Cannon; the Apostles Hyde, Pratt.
ard Taylor, being cleverly debarred from
the office. In the Presidency of the Nor
mons there is no longer quorum OF
three, but only Brigham, with his coun-
sellors, seven, and among the Apostles
are his devoted friends George A. Smith
Albert Carrington, George @. Cannon,
Lorenzo Snow, and Brigham Young, Jr.
by whose aid he can work against the re-
naming seven by taking away the mem
bers still nominally connected with the
Twelve, and filing up the quorum witt
his own men. If the Twelve are children
of light, Brigham is evidently child o
this world for he is wiser than they.-N
| y World
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
An International Scandal.

Though it has been understood from
the beginning that the appointment of
Commissioners to the Vienna Exhibition
were honorary and carried no salary, the
pressure to obtain these places has been
unprecedented. At first it was hard to
understand why the applications were
made. Some disgraceful facts have leaked
out since, which show that the same cor
ruption that had made other offices by
word had found footing in these places of
honor. 1t was charged explicitly that
two of the sub Commissioners appointed
by Colonel Van Buren had agreed to OBJ
tain for their clients certain restaurant
privileges, for which they were to be paid
$4,000 and $4,000 severally. Investiga-
ton has shown these charges to be but
too true.
, When the first whisper of the scandal
reached Washington, the Secretary OF the
Treasury telegraphed to our Minister at
Vienna, Mr.. Jay, asking him to act with
Sub Commissioner Thomas McElrath, as
a board of inquiry into the alleged cor
ruption. They were not long in finding
the culprits. Instead of helping ON the
great work that Austria had planned, they
had been portioning out the plot of land
given to the United States into places for
soda-water stands and baked-bean depots.
Their covetousness had overreached itself,
however, in their eagerness 10 get their
money and put their friends in possession
of their stands. They will be removed,
and the corruption will stop here. But
the scandal will remain.-N Y. Graphic.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
Brigham's Strategy.

THAT extremely able person, Mr.. Brig
ham Young, in relinquishing many inn
portant trusts which he had caused the
Latter-day Saints to impose upon him,
has yet most firmly impressed his person
ality upon the form of church government
even when nominally leaving it. He has
subordinated the "Twelve Apostles" of
Joseph Smith to the counsellors, the right
OF appointing whom has lately been con-
ceded to him by the congregation of Is
rrael. 1t is hardly just to say. that he has
thus outwitted the Saints, but he has GER
tainly accomplished coup d'stat so far as
the apostles are concerned, and wrested
irom them their power in order to give it
70 his own creatures, two of whom among
the counsellors are his sons, The Nor
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

Cooley $ LADY's Book. The embellish-
ments in the May NUMBER The Two Mothers" "
a steel plate; "a Stiff Breeze" n handsome
wood-cut; Colored Fashion Plate, and one oil
the best Extension Fashion sheets ever given IN
this magazine, with full department of Designs
--make this the handsomest number of the year.
The literary contents are also very attractive,
and much useful information is given in the diff
ferent household departments. The publisher OF
this unsurpassed lady magazine gives hand
some chrome to each subscriber for 1873, whether
single subscriber for SO, or a club six for Sl4.
Published by l.. A. Cooley, Philadelphia, Pa.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

In all cases of excessive drinking the liver
and kidneys will be found seriously affected.
The stomach refuses to act, and cannot re-
tain the necessary food. The nerves are un-
strung, and the man feels truly wretched.
OF course, in such cases, the first thing is to
cease the use of alcoholic stimulants, then
restore the disorganized liver and kidneys
to their normal condition. No medicine
win So efrectrlally dc this as PARKER's COM
POUND FLUID EXTRACT BUCHU. If taken
according to directions, no doubts need be
entertained of obtaining prompt and effec'
tual relief. Sold by all druggists, every
xyhprp
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

their back pay and trunks, which were
refused them. and lawsuits are expected.
The trouble at the Briggs House was that
the nav was insufficient and their sleep
ing-rooms not luxurious enough; the
Girls struck and were instantly dis
CHARGED and their places filed. At an
other smaller hotel the trouble was en-
tirely about pay, and the proprietor has
concluded to grant the coveted advance
E,.cboan.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

and to discharge persons unjustly accused.
lie adduces several instances of how
corrupt or stupid grand juries can defeat
the ends of Justice, and how prosecuting
officers can defeat the ends of grand juries:
Certainly the grand jury is costly and
cumbrous, and whether or not 1t is "a
costly, useless, often dangerous joss,
worshipped by the ignorant multitude,
but scoffed at by its priests. ."-Ne,o York
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

PAIN KILLER.-In another column will be
found the advertisement of Davis Pain Kill
Ter. There is probably no other preparation
manufactured that has become so much OF
household word as the Pain Killer. For
thirty years it has stood before the public,
and the innumerable testimonials that have
been called forth voluntarily, testify fully to
its merits. When you need family medi-
cine buy tic Pain Killer.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
The CHILpREN's HOUR Speaking of

The CHILDREN's HOUR Speaking OF
this beautiful little magazine the Christian En-
an,iner says: "The ChiIdren'S Hour always eX-
cites lively interest in the children as soon MS ii
appears Its illustrations so beautiful, and SC
true to nature, that they strike the simple and in
nocent minds of children rs something made fol
them, and the interesting and instructive stories
which crowd its pages are always eagerly read
81 % year; five copies, S.; ten, and one extra,
$40; extra inducements to getters-up of clubs. T
S. ARTHUR & Son, Philadelphia, Pa.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

SOONER OR LATER, a neglected Cold will de-
Failing Strength, and Wasting of FLESH. all
symptomatc of some serious Lung. Affection,
which may be avoided or palliated by using in
time DR.. Jayne's EXpectorant.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

VALUABLE AND RELIABLE" BROWNS
BRONCHIAL TRoCHES' are invaluable to
those exposed to sudden changes, affording
prompt relief in Coughs, Colds, etc.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

Rest and Oldest Family Medicine. .5San-
fords Lirer Tnuqordor-a purely Vegetable Cdhdrtfc
and Tonic-for dyspepsia, Constipation, Debility,
Sick Headache, Bilious Attacks. and all derange-
mrnts of Liver Stomach and Bowels. ASK your
Druggist for it. Be,care of limitations
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

ONE may live as conqueror, king,
magistrate; but he must die as man.
The bed of death brings every human be
ing to his pure individuality, to the in
most solemn of all relations between the
creature and his Creator.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

THE more mveterate and unmanageable case
of Ague may prove under ordinary treatment
the more striking is the immediate benefit of
Shallenberger's Pills.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15

AN exchange speaks of a third sex,
which it calls insects,