The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-05-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES,

sonal, insinuatcs that if the Omaha postmaster
would resign, many persons would feel less
anxious about their money letters
The beer riot in Frankfort, Germany, has been
put down, but the dispatches fail to inform us as
TO whether the price of beer has been similarly
treated.
They put down the riot by putting down more
beer-the price then ceased to be Il matter of any
further moment.
Cincinnati paper says that only one ont Of
forty men would refuse to take IA drink at a
strangers expense.
Yes, and these remarkably abstcmious persons
are wooden men, Of the Indian persuasion, in
front Of tobacco stores.
The painters have sharpened their brushes and
put their paint pots in order for the spring cam
paign.
And have studied the multiplication and addi-
tion tables anew with view to business.
1t is noted, as pleasing sign of the progress
of civilization among Partisan journalists, that
two well known writers recently encountered
each other in the street, and fought with their
pmbrellas-ET.
In such wet spell as this people who would
fight out of doors with any sort of comfort, must
have umbrellas
Snare drums give tone to Kentucky church
Choirs.-ES
And square drains, too, some further north
1t cost boy at Burlington three fingers to
accurately ascertain the action of a circular saw
lie declines further interviews.-Er.
He saw the saw aud the saw saw him, and went
him three better.
Asaspecimen of square abuse on a reporters
handwriting, the following from an exchange
stands without rival:
A correspondent of the Toledo Commercial
strongly ipdorses Charles b. Flood rs suitable
clerk for the constitutional convention. Flood is
the worst Democrat on the footstool, has served
as Clerk of the Senate and perhaps of the House
and has been connected with the press ever since
the discovery OF the art Of somebody doing the
work and another man getting the pay Among
his qualifications a Clerk we may mention that
he writes hand which reads the same way
straight across, up and down Chinese fashion,
back end first like Hebrew, or heels-over. head
promlscuously like a Nincvtc inscription. He |
beats Bloss trained tumblebug, who makes MSS.
for the Enquirer. BY the way, Flood writes for
The Enquirer now, because that is the only office
Where inc composltOrs can guess at writer's
meaning by smelling his manuscript. All the
newspaper men will go for Flood
| We always get mad when we walk along
street about o'clock at night and passing
shaded porch where young lover is bidding his
beloved good night, hear the girl cxclaim, "Oh!
stop, George, you haven't shavcd"-EI.
friend who overheard us perform laugh,
when we found this in an exchange said: II that's
what makes the girls so hate me that they never
meet me in shaded porch but once, hereafter I'll
have my face shaved and sand papcred twice
q day.
There was a desire on the part of the teacher
TO make the scholar understand what the con
science is. She said, What makes you feel bad
after you have done wrong?" my pap" said
the youth, fcelingy. p
A word to CORES pondcnts: Confne your let q
tiers TO narratng facts, and strive how much you II
can say in a few words. Letters Of mere items
are Tar the most interesting and acceptable The a
more one can crowd into letter in small space n,
The better, and he is the best correspondent who D.
sends the greatest yaricty.-Ld Sale Press. o
How would it do for the editor of the Press to
apply this rule TO his editorials? fr
We understand that Dr. f. NJ Garfield, who =
left this city and located in Chicago year or
more ago, has got enough of the latter place and
Will soon return to La Sale, much to the gratn n,
cation of his numerous friends here. The Doctor
has come TO the conclusion that La Sale is the
place TO live in, after ALL Let old settlers take
Courage.-Ld Sale Press. u
"Motter I've come home to die" A
Porkers beware The marshal is on the war C.
path!-Prr'S y,
RUFF" look OUT
Several parties have made complaint to ia about er
Inc crowd Of young men who collect in front of In,
me post Office aud indulge in indecent and in -,
bultng language. We would remind those who u
thus complain that we do not hold the position 81
OF city marshal or any other city office Gentle II
men, please make yonr complaints to the proper
oncer, ana II ne does not attend to his duty well
20 for him.-PreSs til
Birds Of a feather flock together W
js horse radsh. 1t is said to be cheap and that W
. little OF it goes long way-R endaV Go, Record di
They must be short Of greens in the Record 81
Office to
The latest statement about heirs is made bv tn. cl
World, which reports that the heirs of Robin fe
son Crusoe have begun suit to recover possession
OF the Island Of Juan Fernandez"
The result OF the suit will depend on Fraia,,
and the jury may hang unless they get super ~
tedeas. q,
Gardner man sdyertises for female servant: |,
"a broad shouldcrcd, deep-chested, two-Gsted d
servant grl-rcd hair freckles and general ugIi u
ness preferred on account Of the Oldest boy in the
family"
We would like to know what the oldest boy in I
The family has been doing to enjoy such t
reputation
Charley Lobdcls engine had the front end stove
up Few days since, upon the east end and il
Jald up Tor repairs.-1urord Beacon. 7
Say, Charley, just put head on it,"
Senator Garfield is in the city to-day, taking !
short respite from the cares of the session and
his constituents will not grudge him vacation 4
until Monday. He reports a probable continu l.
ance OF the session for two weeks-Beacon
"sweet secluded place Of rest" all honor TO
his selection
The weather stil keeps fooling and dawdliry
about one OF the corners in the square Of the sea
sons, lingering between winter and spring Uay ,
ing broken several times we think it about time Y
for spring to get down TO its work in earnest and
make the halfway pole, or old Winter will dis
lance it entirely.-Jo'a Signal
To change the figure Now is stil "The win. "
Ter OF our discomfort"
ILn M..urIuu LII D. ---.--- :. ~ ~