The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-11-07
LIVELY.

A justice of the peace at Kansa
City puts it: 'tNow let the gau
darned jade vince"
Many a man, who thought b
had made bargain buying silks
found that he had got worsted.
| A Fort Plain merchant advertise
his goods at oxyun. That MAJ
has always steered clear of news
papers.
Observation-Disclosures is tn
title by which conjurer of Har
risbug, Penn, chooses to advertise
himself.
| A Scranton paper, in giving al
account of shooting affray, say
the wounded man is expected K
recover, as the pistol ball lodges
in his dinner-pail.
A reporter of Louisville papei
recently found a pocket book fill
ed with money, and immediatel,
handed it over to the police. Tht
money was counterfeit.
In passing through dark tun
mel on the Pennsylvania railroad, (
woman's voice was heard exclaim
ing: "Don't you fool around!
carry a pistol in my panier! J"
| A Louisiana man puts a two
ounce can of nytro-glycerine in
side of q chicken, losses the chick
en- to an alligator, and the bayou
which once new that alligator
knows him no more.
"Raw recruits for Satan," is the
kindly compliment bestowed by
the Northern Christian Advocate
in recording the admission of two
hundred new students into Cor.
nell University.
GLOW does that look, eh?" said
a big-fisted Wall street man to &
friend, holding up one of his
brawny hands. "That," said the
friend, "looks as though you'd
gone short on soap"
The Louisville Courier-Journa
says that ga Tennessee editor, who
has been drinking Cincinnati wills
ky for q month, has written to an
eastern printing house for a patent
inside
A Texas barber, who ornament
ed his front door with a white
knob, is said to have had no peace
until the last vestige of it had
been shot away by his sprightly
neighbors, who made use of it as
a target.
The city carrier of q Missouri
paper, on publication day, seats
himself in the nearest saloon, and
in the course of a few minutes de.
livers each subscriber his paper in
person, thus saving time and shoe
leather.
Shortly after the recent illness
of John Hickman, Washington
|. Townsend called on him, and wish.
ing to encourage him, remarked
'EWell, Hickman, 1 can't see that
yourappearance need trouble YOU
mo, Townsend" replied the in,
valid, sit doesn't; it is my disap.
pearance that troubles me-"
ga horse! a horse! my kingdom
for a horse" cried a celebrated
/ tragedian. Wouldn't a jackass
do as well?' inquired an affected
! young man, rising in his scat.
eyes" triumphantly exclaimed the
actor, 'just step up this way, SIR y
The young man sat down.
An old farmer became seriously
ill, and was urged by his neigh.
bors, who thought he was going
to die, to call in a minister to pray
for him. "To pray for me! No
sir; 1 am an original Granger, and
do not want any middie-man he.
tween me and Almighty God"
Ladies in delicate health should
60 to Colorado. The case of Mrs
Prather of Golden City shows the
wonderful restorative effects of the
climate. She could not even
sweep her room when they lived
in Ohio, but in less than a veal
after their arrival in the territory
she chased her husband a mile and
a quarter with pitchfork.
A western editor complacently
observes: "a persevering contri
butor to this journal, who proper,
~ writes only on one side of his
paper, has furnished material fol
the editor TO write his editorials
on for the last six months-on the
blank side of said paper, furnish,
ed postage prepaid. If economy
be virtue, we will certainly be
blessed"
"Howmuch a peck for potatoesr
asked 3 gentleman in the market OF
Monday morning. The price suit
ed him, and he was about to pur.
chase, when a thought struck him
"Wait q moment, my good wo
man." he said; 81 fear these pota
toes were picked on Sunday
mo, sir, they were not" she re
piled; ''but, to tell the truth, they
| grew On Cuuuoy.
The exactness of Cuban news
gatherers is but step short of tn,
marvellous. After probing assid
uously into all the details OF tn
recent HAVANA fire, the most &C
curate of the informants has learn
ed that the loss of life was "fron
seven to twenty-five persona" anC
the destruction of property ''fron
| So, 100000 TO $S,000,0O0." Sucl
precision is astounding.
An Evansville spoony was tn
victim of heartless joke recently
His companions counterfeited
letter from a young heiress, which
said that his manly bearing hal
captivated her heart, and hoped h
reciprocated. He threw away hi
tools, invested his money in nel
clothes, and presented himself T.
the lady, who Indignantly told hin
i that she didn't want q HUSBAND
who looked like a crooked-necke,
squash, and if he didn't leav
she'd remove his hair. He retired
A touching epitaph:
@Stranger, pause
Nv tale attend,
: And learn the cause
: OF Hannah's end.
Across the world
The wind did blow,
She ketched cold
What laid her low.
We shed quart
OF tears. 'tis true,
But life is short
Aged 81
The TOBACCO QUEsrIoN.-Th
? Rev. Geo. Trask, the noted anti
. tobaceonist in this city, and yes
terday visited a number of Sab
? bath schools whose members b
z addressed. A good story is toll