Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-12-18
4n1mornns department.
"a BOLT ALWAYS IN ORDER.v

Squills declares that his wife is always tax
ing some kind Of mean advantage of him
"The best woman in the world, sir" says
Squills, "but now and then she will act mean
and she can't help it"
"Last Saturday at breakfast she was as
smiling as bundle of chips"
care your chops done to your liking, Squills
dearr
"Deliciously, my love-"
~ broiled them myself, DEAR"
II knew it was going to be hot" said Squills
"and when got into the hall to leave, Mrs
Squills was there with my hat in one hand
and my over coat in the other"
"Squills, DEAR" she began.
ri thought it time to pitch in here" said
Squills, $50 I said, quietly,
"How much, Mrs. Squills? Out with it, my
love-"
"Mr. Squills," said she, "don't be unmanly,
sir, beg; not to say ridiculous. Gussy
wants silk dress to 20 to church in the
poor child really isn't decent You are very
sorry we'll, so you ought to be. Let her say
her prayers at home No, Mr.. Squills, she
shan't stay at home, and she shan't say her
prayers, and Mr.. Squills you are enough to
aggravate saint, and your conduct is dis.
gusting, and it's enough to drive a woman to
bolt right off to Chicago and get di
vorce."
81 thought this was good time to fire of
my pet JOKE" said Squills, $50 said, Mrs
Squills, bolt is always in order Then ]
bolted myself, for Mrs. Squills comes of a
fighting family"
"When went home that night Gussy, dear
child, played all my pet Ofenbach music, and
knew was in for the dress, only I wanted
to hold out till morning just for the looks Of
the thing"
"For FIVE years after we were married, said
Squills, "Mrs. Squills would persist in looking
under the bed for man. It's the same man
every woman looks for. suppose, for they all
do it. Well, failing to find the man, Mrs
Squills finally gave him up in disgust, and
took to something else, I suppose" said
Squills, "they all take to something else after
they can't find the man under the bed. Mrs
Squils' weakness is boiling the door. Mr.
Squills have you bolted the door? p is the last
thing at night.
"This particular night" said he, "Mrs. S
was very dignifed and distant"
No lauilIaTlIleS, MT. o., yOu please
you wounded my feelings in their tenderest
point this morning, and cannot forget
though you did, that am your wife, and the
mother of your children, Mr.. Squills"
"This was pitching it uncommonly strong
you know" said Squills, "and was about to
surrender, when Mrs. S. tnrned off the gas
and then coiled herself up in a pet on the
outside bed-rail. Not even good night
Squills.' I felt pretty bad about it, can tell
you, but went to sleep. I don't know how
long had slept, but some time, when I expe.
rienced kick in the back, as if a playful
mule had been tanning me. Perhaps it was
necessary, as I always slept soundly."
"Mr. Squills," at last heard her say, "Mr
Squills, have you bolted the door?'
"Now, 1 leave it to any man." said Squills,
appealingly, "whether that is correct thing
for the mother of family to do? Of course
got up and bolted the Internal door, and I
said, "Mrs. Squills, why the devil didn't you
think of boiling the door before I went to
bed, and not wake a man up in the middle
of cold night to do it? And what do you
suppose her answer was ?"
"Why, Mr.: squills, I thought bolt was
always in order"
"What did I say? What could I say =?
And the worst of it all" said Squills, "I'll be
hanged if she wasn't laughing at me; could
feel the bed shaking"