Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-11-06
PHUNNYGRAMS.

"A French writer describes = vonnn
lady as d creature that ceases to kiss O co..
tlemen at twelve, and begins agai5 9' IL,
twenty. 0'
Love" says an amorous writer &C.
an internal transport" An eAchanGa 20 %
marks: "The same might be said If 9 =
canal boat. ' u d
"A shrill old lady in Memphis, whom
ever she loses her scissors, arouses tho
whole family with, where's them shea
appeared to ="
A man having his hair cut was asked
by the garrulous operator, Glow he
would have it done" 'If possible r.
piled the man, "in silence" ~
An old edition of Morse's Geoora,b,
says: albany has 400 dwelling houses
and 2,4O0 inhabitants, all standing viii,
their gable-ends to the streets"
Would you believe the witness
under oaths" asked a lawyer. ''No, SIR
was the reply. "If you should ask him
the time of day he would lie about it,
-"Yeer can't stuff that ere down fiji,
chicken" from young lady in Missouri
meant that she did not credit her teach
er's statement that the sun is larger thar
the earth.
"A sharp boy in Cincinnati was sen
after kerosene; but he spent the money
and filled the can with water: and hi.
father went over and pounded the groce
for swindling him.
"A soft un on North street has Tilted
his girl because of her name, Eliza. H,
hot Io o1 h.
never speak to his wife without tellin!
Lize.-Dam6ury Neos.
"A Detroit wife asks a divorce from
her husband for six different reasons
Reason number six is that "he puts no
potatoes in her hands and then mashe
them by squeezing her fingers"
Perhaps it was not amusing to SCI
John, the other night, singing contented
ly to himself, and crumbling bread int
a bowl of starch which his wife hat
placed in the pantry, and saying Their
was nothing like bread and milk, after al
The Lacon Home Journal man ha
made this nerve-quieting discovery: 81
anybody sees row of buttons comm
down street, let him preserve his equilit
rum and think not of supernatural agen
cies. There's a woman behind Them
The shoes of Louisville damsel hun
her at the theater, and she slipped ther
off, but was so swelled with emotion a
the play that she couldn't get 'em o
again. She sent Charles out for a ne1
pair, and when asked what size, replied
blushingly, 90, something large and airy
number mines, if you like
"A rat lately started a bank in Ma
tinsburg, West Virginia, cabbaging hi
drawer. When a run was made on tn
bank, do you suppose that rat suspended
No, sir. he quietly absconded, leavin
sufficient assets to pay fifty per cent. Q
his Indebtedness.
In some parish churches it is tn
custom to separate the men from tn
women. A clergyman, being interrupte
by loud talking, stopped short, when
woman, eager for the honor of her sex
arose and said: Your reverence, tn
noise is not among u.s." $50 much tn
BETTER" answered the priest; at will b
the sooner Over.n
One of the wittiest as well as one o
the most brilliant men Pennsylvania ha
plOuuccu, WAS Tic ldtt NeoISe W. bdGtOl
of Philadelphia, who once occupied sea
on the Bench. Trying a case before
Judge who was chiefly remarkable 70
obtuseness, he took occasion to say tina
he had often seen great ass in judicia
robes. you speak from experience,
suppose" was the angry retort. Not a
all, " replied Judge Barton, Il am speak
ing directly from observation. "-Editor'
Draper, IN Harper's Magazine for N0gem
her