Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-08-09
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.

MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.
4 DIsTAsTEFUL NATURALIZATION
70 great shakes-Italian earthquakes.
MORAL acknowledgement pianos.
A sHoEMAKER's drink-Sherry cobbler.
WHAT age is the most deceiving? The
sausage.
CURRENT literature most in vogue
Price currents.
The shortest way to get to Sing Sing
Murder somebody in the second degree.
A PLACE to look for "old saws
Among the files of old newspapers.
"THERE is limit to all things"-ex-
cept the appetite for drink.
A MAN was arrested recently in New
York for being intoxicated with delight.
PEOPLE do everything good in modera-
ton, everything bad in excess.
The best thing about sewing-machines
is, that they nearly all turn out to be
reaping-machines.
AN exchange says turkey is arm
ing" If the Car once gets at her in
earnest, it will not be long before she is
"legging."
WE supposed that the girls of America
were capable of withstanding any shock
in the way of excitement, bat the
American Girl" has Just been beaten by
Sensation" at Chicago.
IT will not be long before all the small
post-offices throughout the country will
be under the control of women. Within the
past three months over thirty appoint
ments OF the kind have been made.
TALKING about the jaws of DEATH" ex-
claimed man who was living with his
third scolding wife: 81 tell you they are
nothing to the jaws of life |"
A PITTSBURGH coroner makes no charge
where ne sits on a young man who parted
his hair In the middle. He says that his
personal satisfaction is enough, without
the fee.
1T Is useless for physicians to argue
against short sleeve dresses. The Consti-
tuition OF the United States saws that "the
right to bear arms" shall not be interfered
with.
A MAN in Norwalk the other day drank
three pints of Jersey Lightning and six
teen glasses of lager on wager. His coffin
was plain one, and the funeral process
sion very small.
NECESSITY Is the mother of invention, !"
and, II you inquire at the Patent Office in
Washington, you will find that invention
Is also too often the mother of necessity.
The society formed by the girls of the
San Francisco high school for the sup
preston of slang has been disbanded. The
secretary says, sit played itself Out'' and
''gave itself away"
In one of the rural suburbs man lately
appeared with temporary hat on, made
entirely of cabbage leaves sewed together,
and worn as prevention of sun stroke.
There is something novel in the idea of
putting head of cabbage on oneself.
PERMANENT residents of Newport, r.
L., actually buy drinking water by the
gallon from pedlers who are making q
handsome profit out of the drought. The
hotel visitors, however, don't waste their
money on any such superfiuous luxury
as long as the supply of sherry. cobblers.
and champagne holds out.
AT the recent Ohio Universalist State
Convention resolution favoring the in
crease Of the ministry by the encourage
ment and aiding of worthy young men to
become ministers was taken up. Miss
Danforth, of Peru, objected to the use of
the word "men" exclusively, and the
words, land young women" were added
after ''young men, in the resolution.
A wAGGIsH Journalist who is often mer-
ry over his personal plainness tells this
story of himself: 81 went once TO
drug store for dose of morphine for a
sick friend. The night clerk objected to
giving it to me without prescription,
fearing | was going to kill myself.
Pshaw,' sal 1, do look like man
who would destroy himself?' Gazing
steadily at me, he replied, 1 don't know.
Seems to me if looked like you L should
be greatly tempted to kill myself"
Mr.. P. B. SHILLABER has received a
communication from Mrs. Darlington that
may be interesting to cripples generally:
Lame J" sighed she. "Here have been
sufferin' the bigamies of death for three
mortal weeks. First was seized with
bleedin' phrenology in the hampshire of
the brain, which was exceeded by the
stOppage of the left ventilator of the
heart. This gave me Inflammation of the
left bOrax, and now am tickled with the
chlorOfOrm morbus. There's no blessin'
like health, specially when you're illr'
A WAY has been discovered to bother
the postal clerks. 1t has been discovered
by trial that the postal cards will not copy
in the ordinary way, but will receive an
impression as well as need be. One has
only to reverse the ordinary process-write
his message on the letter paper, copy it
by aid of the press on the postal card and
send the copy instead of the original.
The writing is reversed and needs mirror
TO set 1t straight. Clerks and carriers
Will be terribly bothered If this cruel dis
cOVprv Of somehodv no Iar0elv r1tilizad