The Van Buren press., 1873-07-29
MISCELLANY.
A Self Accusation

my life.
Why did | marry her? have offer
made this mental query; | did 50 in thC
very days which directly followed oul
honeymoon. Still loved her, as | love
her still. The fact is | should never have
married at all.
She is most peculiar character. | die
not understand her in her grlhood, and
| fear, | do not understand her yet, Ideas
are fermenting within her, Of which | car
form no conception; and now and ther
her eyes reflect strange incomprehensiblt
emotions, which soon again disappear tc
her inner self, Just like prisoners who al
times peep forth from their bars into TIE
outer world and then retire again to the
concealment Of their cells She is my
wife, and ! hold her as few other men
would She bears my name, sits by my
side when drive out, or takes my arm
when l promenade; but | knew perfect
" that the loved one no longer belongs
to me, that she is but the shadow Of the
blithe Pauline whom l won in the bloom
of her rosy youth.
1t was in the country that | learned to
know her. Although distantly related,
we had never met. So fate brought me
during summer vacation to my aunt,
who was living in a small, picturesque,
village on the Patapsco. Had | been
cognizant of Pauline's presence, | should
not have gone ththcr. l entertained a
sort Of aversion Of the woman What |
had heard of her in the city was not cal
culated to raise her very high in the es
timatlon Of staid, digniiicd limb Of the
law, like myself
Pauline was not in the cottage. After
examining my room, disposng of my
luggage, and arranging my dress | stroll
ed into the woods to seek my favorite
haunts Nearing lovely secluded spot,
close by the bank Of the stream which l
was wont to frequent on former visits to
my aunt, | was suddenly arrested in my
progress by the menacing growls OF a
dog Peering through the bushes, saw
a girl sitting upon a mossy knoll beneath
a shady holly; at her feet lay a large
Newfoundlsnder who had raised his head
and was showing me his teeth in threat
ening manner. .
The girl turned and beheld me, still
half hidden by the shrubbery, staring in
astonisAment at her and the dog. She
burst into a merry laugh,
Conscious that | presented rather Ia
dicrous picture, ! advanced and said
coldly;
1, A ,o 40, Durlino y''
$50 | am called, "
"Then, perhaps, Imay be so bold as to
call You cousin, for am George -. y
"Ah! Cousin George. We have been
expecting you. When did you arrive p
Just now.
"Fido fetch my hat she suddenly
said to the dog "It is time to get our
supper. Are you hungry, Cousin
George?'
"Yes-no I" answered confuscdly.
She laughed good-noturcdly, and took
the hat from the dog
Glow good you are to that huge ami
nal !" said as we rose,
Good he is my idol; he is the only
one who has at all times proven true to
me, and the only one
She suddenly checked herself Stoop
ing, perhaps to hide her embarrassment,
she kissed the white spot on Fido's fore
head. But | completed the sentence
with
ITO whom you have been true.
$50 they say, she returned laughing
" But look into his beautiful eyes, and
tell mo whether you could help being
good to him Oh, if did not possess
you, my good Fido!" She strokad his
head, while he wagged his tail and gazed
at her with his large, faithful eyes.
"You will hardly bo able to keep pace
with us. When 60 through the woods
with the dog, generally grant him the
felicity Of race with mel" And, with
out waiting for reply, she bounded over
the sod, the dog in pursuit barking jubi-
antly
We soon became good friends-some
thing like brother and sister, | thought
How this sentiment developed inte love,
cannot satisfactorily explain. One day
as | was taking ramble, l came upon
her unexpectedly; she WAS walking slow
ly along, with eyes cast down, and look
ing more grave than had ever seen her
before. When she saw me her face sud
donly became transGgured with radiance,
but she quickly trppcd by. This glow
ing of her face and the respondent throbs
of my heart revealed to me whatwe we're
to each other
Il was late when I reached the cottage
II was one Of those serene, warm, mo"n'
light evenings which exercise such ssott
MAGICAL influence over us. Pauline was
sitting in the garden arber. the dog at
her side. I seated myself so as to Obtain
full view Of her countsnance, which was
| l,li....>i.al hx Aha m0anhRnfnS. us OK.