The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-10-08
AC-ALl:X SPEECH.

Purticular: l pear befo you dis
evening fresh from dc presence OF
my washerwoman, and de balance
Of ms family, to eiucidate dc sub.
jcct Of all de funicaliies, comicali-
ties and originalities.
Whar's dc good time coming ?
an it here ? am it dar?
Ny sweet geraniums, when de
Prince Of Whales married Lucre-
tia Borgia and dc Radicals run off
wli al! de Sunday school stamps.
what did Oliver. Cromwell say?
Why, as he stood drinking a glass
Of bay rum wild Barnum's bearded
woman, he said to himself-"dat's
what q man said"
Secondly, in de third place
in de time of dc wet weather.
when it rained thirty-seven days
and twenty-four nights in de long
dry month of Angus, when Noah
took into de Ark, out Of dc wet,
de elephant, de little pig, de cock
reaches and all de other birds
now do you spose dat if he had
given dc contract TO build de Ark to
Governor B dat it would
have been finished? Of course it
wouldn't. It would take eyery
cent de old man had to pay de
commission and de taxes, because
-'dat's what a man said"
Fourteenth chapter eighty-ninth
section, mahogony drawers-my
night blushing seriousness:
Let us take q front seat in. de
lobby and look down amid de halls
Of Congress, and dar we will find
ebery ting failure, from de rising
ob de moon even to de going down
Of de cotton market. De stars dat
didn't fell was a failure de buro
is a failure, because whar is de
niger dat eber got one?
One eyed chapter, clause TWEEN
ty-fourth, special act Of Rump
Congress; my beloved holy hawks,
what does de pole say on de sub
ject ofa-of-so forth, and all dat
sort Of tiDgs. Why he says:
Bar --~s o.d rer...., -"d What YOU
think,
She lived upon nothing but vittle and
drink.
In de seventeenth place, section
de forty thieves; my Peruvian
sunhowcrS, give your divided years
my attention, which . man enters
dc holy bonds Of paddock, when
be leads his gal to de haltar, docs
be ever think how sad'il be his
fate before he is bride wise? Now
when his queen of spades consumes
de rcigns of Government, spose
he should be little sulky, or de
bride couch a little bu ggy, den
whar's he gwiuo to git his cup Of
coffee IN de morning? Why den
he will have to wagon the best
way he can, because when dc wo-
man gifts to wearing de feminine
gender Of dc masculine goose, dcy.
are so1, to put de blind bride on
de man and have dar own way.
Spargrass dc forty-third, sectiou
sick, lobster clause; my infatua-
ted cinnamon drops when Abra-
ham Columbus brought dis world
ober here, de new world dat he
has just got up and patented, when
he came sailing up the beautiful
river, what was the fust questions
he axed? Why, my incipent dah-
lies as be stood taking a drink of
lager beer with President Grant,
the poet and horse tanner he ask
ed Mullins what he got for the
last nigger be sold
Ny disgusted herers: let US look
at do tax bill; dar's gwine to be
a tax put upon everything, and
more too. Free dollars an incb
on do gals hoops; ten cents On
R-d's melish, and dat's about
as much as dey are worth. My
brudder ignoramusses in dc course
of human events,it becomes useless
to protract dis subject any furder,
and now lay me down to sleep
on a ladder.