Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1873-04-24
The Cursid Musket0.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

BY JOSH BILLINGS.
DEAR SMITH :-Yure letter kane safe
unto hand last mite bi mail, and hurry
tew repli.
The best mtlsketers now in market are
raised near Bergen Point, in the dominion
ov NJ Jersey.
They gro thare very spontaneous, and
the market for them liz VERY unstiddy-
the CRATE supply Injuries the demand.
Two hundred and fifty to the square
inch liz konsidered a paying krop, altho
they often beat that.
They don't require emmy nussing and
| the poorer the land the bigger the yield
If il want for muske.ers i don't kno
what sum people would do thare tew Git IA
| living, for thare IL CRATE deal ov kuti
waited land thare that wont raize emmy
| thing else at a profit.
The musketer liz shortlived bug, but
| don't waste emmy time; they are alwuss az
| reddy for bizzness az pepper sass IL, and
| kan bite 10 minutes after they are born
! just az f1uentIy az ever.
| Thare il people in this world SO kon-
| trarv at heart, and so ignorant, that they
wont see enney wisdum in having muske-
ters around; alwus pity sutch pholks-
| their edukashun haZ been sorely ncglekted
| and aint level.
Wisdum il like duk's eggs-if yu git
them, WI hev got to sarch for them-thare
| aint no duks in theze benighted days that
will cum and la eggs in yure hand-not a
duk, Mr. Smith, not duk.
| The musketo IL soshal insex; they liv
very thick amongst each other, and luv
| the society ov man also, but don't kon-
| tract emmy ov hiz vices.
| | ptpr In al l,-a. do
| fauter; they never fail to cum to time, al
tho thousands looze their lives in the eff
| fort.
The philosophers tell us that the mus
/ keeters who can't sing won't blight; this
| information may be ov CRATE use to sci
| ence, but amt worth mulch to a phellow
| in a hot mite WHARF, muskeeters are plenty.
| If thare amt but one muSkeeter out ov
| ten that can bite good, that IL enuif to SUs-
| tain their reputashun.
| The philosophers are alwuz a tellin us
| sumthing that IL right smart, but the only
| plan thev kan offer us tcw get rid ov our
sorrows IL to grin and bear them
They kant rob one single muSkecter ov
his stingger by argument.
The muskeeter il the child ov circum-
stansis in one respekt-he kan he born, or
| not, and liv, and die square deth in a
| lonesome marsh, 1000 miles from the
| nearest nabor, without ever tasting blood,
and be happy all the time; or he kan git
| into sumboddy's bedroom thru the key
| hole, and take his r,shuns reglar, and sing
sans ov praze and glorificashun.
! 1t don't kost muskeeter mutch for his
| board in this world; if he kant find emmy
| boldly to eat he kan set on a blade of
swamp meadow grass and llv himself to
| deth on the damp fog.
| The muskeeter is a gray bug and haz 6
| legs, bright eve, a fine busst, sharp
| tooth and a reddy wit
He don't waste emmy time hunting up
his customers, and alwus lights onto Il
baby fust if there il one on the premises.
| / positively fear muskeeter.
In the dark still mite, when every thing
| IL az noizeless az a pair of empty slippers,
! to hear one at the further end ov the room
slowly but surely working hiz way up to
yu, singing that same hot old sissing rune
| ov theirs, and barking to feel the exackt
| spot on yure face WHARF they intend tew
| lokate, IL simply premeditated sorrow tew
me; | had rather look forward to the time
| when an elephant was going tew step onto
| me.
| The musketo haz no friends, and but
| phew associates; even a mule despizes
| them.
| But hav seen human beings who want
| aktually afraid ov them i hav seen pholks
who had rather have muskeeter lite onto
them than to have a trakt peddlar lite
onto them; I have seen pholks
who were so tuff aginst anguish that a
| muskeeter mite lite onto them emmy WHARF
and plunge their dagger in up tew the hilt
! in vain.
| envy these people their moral stamina,
for next tew being virtewous would like
| tew be tuff.
| This life iz phull ov pesky muskeetos,
who are alwus a looking for a job, alwus
reddy tew stik thissell into VII sum
WHARF, and sing while they are doing it.
Dear Mr.. Smith, pardon me for saying
SO mutch about the cursid muskeeto, but
ov all things on this arth that travel, or
set still, for deviltry, thare aint emmy bHg,
emmy beast, or emmy beastcss, that dred
more, and luv less, than do this same lit
tie gray wretch, called cursid muskeeter.
N. Y. Weekly.