The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-07-05
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

q young miss who Is six feet seven ana u iiai'
inches tall, and still growing, and who possesses
the additional towering attractions OF wealth. anu
beauty The fact is also mentioned that sue Is
still without a sutton. In country ike otaii'
where the possession of vast quantity OF WIG Is
looked upon with favor, she would doubtless DC
a great prize, but in this sobcrcr cline people
hesitate to take wifely beauty in such masses
Besides, If she is still growing, where is this
thing to stop? Perhaps, as she seems to pine
for sutton, here's the chap that would suffer;
James Cochran, of Big Beaver township, Law
renee county, Pennsylvania, is only elghicGn
years of age, yet he is about six feet III hclSht
and weighs three hundred pounds. James Is an
intelligent boy, reads, writes and clphers rs wen
rs those Of his age, and is general favorltc WIN
his schoolmatcs as well as with his many frichds
and acquaintances.
Or this one:
Mrs. James Boggs of Washington, Ind, has a
Young son who measures feet inches one way
and IL years the other. The glory OF that wo'
man is in her heir.
The Postmaster General, when he penned the
following order, is supposed to have just return
ed from friendly hob-nob with the President;
"The clerks in the post office shall not read
the postal cards and they shall not allow any
any obscene language written on them
Mr.. Frederick Lockyer, of London, is the
author of this little verse, which contains deal
Of truth:
"Thcv eat and drink, and scheme and plod,
And go to church on Sunday;
And many are afraid Of God
And more Of Mrs. Grundy.'
The mania for dress tcmpts women sometimes
into questionable practices; as for instance:
n A Detroit woman called upon creduous
family in that city the otherd day, introduced her,
self and began Il conversation. Suddenly she fell
out of her chair, very sick and feeble, and family
said that she had no money and could not go to
the hospital, and they would have to keep her
through the run of the fever. They gave her
three dollars TO crawl out and try to reach the
hospital, and she has a new blue sash.
The attempt to come the suicide dodge on al
Hoosier girl was not a success. Says an Indiana
paper:
A New Albany lover sought to secure the OBJ
jcct of his affections by strategy He took her
out for boat ride and threatened to jvmp over
board if she didn't consent to marry him. She
assisted him in the operation and rowed home
alone.
The same paper gives this staggering item:
Some bows dropped an anvil weighing POO
Of negro who was passing, and he had them
arrested. He said he was willing to let the boys
have fun, but when they damned gcmmen's
hat down over his eyes, and spoiled it in that
way, the law must take its course.
The Shah Of Persia is said to wear million
dollar Ovcrcoat. Our Persian relations are re-
gardcd with interest at Long Branch.-E1
About twenty thousand subjects Of this Shah
Of Persia died last year Of starvation. That little
circumstance would doubtless heghten the in.
terest in him at Long Branch
That was rather violent presumption on the
part Of the Judge who fined Susan B. Anthony {
for voting when he said, Miss Anthony knew i
she was a woman" How could the Judge know
what Miss Anthony knew on that subject? There
was no proof before the Court that she was a
woman, and no act Of her life has justified such
IN inference, That Judge should be called upon ,
10 explain
The Yorkylle N.cs is edited by lady, which
probably explains what would otherwise be very
Duzzling In the published terms of that paper,
which read as follows;
"Terms of subscription: Har Goo3s, $l50per
lnnumn
Publishers become so hard up sometimes that
hey offer to take rags, old iron and even young
dogs in payment for subscription, but chair
goods are a novelty in that line. t
Would a certain Georgia carpct-baggcr, enjoy
ng a responsible government position, steal !
On that subject Col Thomas G. Howard, of At.
Ianta expresses himself somewhat emphatically:
" Steal! ByJoyc if he was paralyzcd and ham q
trung, wouldn't trust him by himself in the
tf Ina. Gula
anchor OF the Great Eastern. Steal | should q
think he would
The editor Of the Mnonk Reporter, Indignantly
denies the report that his paper is on its death
bed. He says the Reporter will live as long as he
can borrow a dollar. There's grit for you.
When beautiful young women are found lying
stOnc-blind drunk in the streets of Memphis,
Christian gentlemen haul them in 5
TO their door yard and set them up against the {
house to sober Off" This is from the Appeal. d
The Franklin Grove Reporter publishes the fol
lowing, which looks very mysterious:
Last Sunday evening, some ladies on their re
turn from church heard singular noise in the
top Of tree in front of their house, whcrcupon
one Of them called for the other to bring Il rcyol.
yer, and then the man up tree came down at
one spring. and ran away. All of which Is very
strange. In the nrst place, What IN the name I'll
common sense did the man up the tree want,
and also what did the ladies want to shoot or
brighten him for after he had displayed SO much
energy as To climb tree. Perhaps he was sort |
Of Zacchcus that iwantcd to see the Lord only |
knows what, for We shall not undertake TO eX-
plain all this.
The editor Of the Sterling Standard has had
b roots come over him lately by one Putnam,
' Great English Root Doctor" The treatment |
was pretty rough, but the editor has been thor
Oughy curcd-oi his iniirmity to let strange doc.
tors run up biz printing bills with him.
In Pennsylvania they have what they call
" local option law" Under it each locality has
the option to permit or prohibit the sale Of
liquor within IT, corporate Limit The enforce.
ment of the law, says local paper, produces
some singular effects, particularly in prohibiting
localities. IN Danvllc it has raised the price Of
crackers to ten cent? piece, but the purchaser
is allowed to soak them in very strong tea.
The Hon. c. b. Farwell has joined "thc sweet