The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1873-05-28
For THE HERALD.
Ictter from Uncle Timothy.

DEAR HERALD:-Perhap l should offer
some apology for my long continued silence.
But I dislike apologies. Whenever at
tcm,,. one the matter is made worse than
ever. Suffice it to say then, that l have
been absent from the city for several weeks
mast. When | returned, found that the
little Timo,hies had made raid into my
study, and had demolished things general
". \ fine gold pen had been driven into
Johuny's wagon. "to hold him todedder;" =
a half ream writing paper had been crum'
pled and soiled, and then burned IN lInlta-
tio1 of the Boston con0agration my ink
had been used to paint dolly's face so rs TO
make "niLger" Of her my ink.stand had
been used, first as we'll, and after" ards
had been smashed by Charles hammer "to
cit some glass 10 scapc his stick hoss wild"
Under these circumstances I feared my
writing days were over. But by way OF
punishment, and to supply myself with q
substitute for my gold pen, / ordered the
whole brood of Timothies to chase and
capture old Dick. Now be it remembered
that old Dick is our old gander. He is an
heirloom, and has escaped the pot by
virtue of his extreme old age and toughness.
He was once one Of the gentleSt OF birds.
OF late wears however, he has been suffer
ing of aggravated dyspepsia and vlruIent
acidity Of the stomach. Were he to die,
(may the fates forefcnd post mortem ex-
animation would no doubt reveal the fat
that his spleen is greatly enlarged, and
that the spongy viscus near the iundus OF
the stomach had entirely vitiated the left
hypochcndrium. I have 10 doubt, also,
but that his gall has been turned wrong
side out
This being Old Dicks physical condition
you may readily suppose that he would lot
surrender his quill without showing fight.
As an incentive to valor, l first procured
several supple young sprouts. Armed with
said sprouts, l seated myself on the back
steps, and summoned my forces around me.
Old Dick, unconscious of danecr, was feed
ing on the grass near by. | then addressed
my little company, showing them the con-
sequences Of failure aud cxhorting them 10
heroic action. Willie said ne was cot st all
"uiaiI." Johnny wanted 10 carry stick,
but one Of the conditions of the battle was,
that the sssailantS should 90 unarmed.-
Charlie proposed that they should go
abreast, and make 1 sudden charge upon
the enemy before he became aware OF their
design. One was to seize his neck, another
his legs, while the third extracted the
desired quill. So the command TO ''charge
was given by Capt. Charlie, AMI away they
scampered. Fearing they were not bent
on peace, Old Dick raised his head. stretched
his neck and tapped his wings. Then,
Kissing most detiantly, he made towards the
enemy, each one of whom turned upon his
heels and rushed towards the house. I'M
fortunately, Willie stumbled and leli, when
Ola Dick, rejoicing at his good fortune,
took good bite at his neither extremity.
This was TO much for the PROSTATE h ero'
Fearing that he was about to lose his
capacity for sitting down he cried loudly
for help. The others then rushed to the
rescue, Charlie slipped up behind, and was
about to seize Old Dick, when he whlred
around, and taking hold Of his extended
hand, led him submisSively about. A gem
eral melee now ensued. After lively
tumbling and rolling, with Old Dick hutter'
ing and Kissing among them, they At last
managed 10 extract the much needed Fuii'.
Having secured the spoil they made go0a
their escape to the house, where Mrs. limo
thy ministered to the wants OF the wounded
heroes. Willie now sits upon cushioned
ch ,r. Says. he don't like hard seIts.-