Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-05-09
HUMOROUS.

Why should old maids always 20 to the
theatre before the rise of the curtain Be
cause then there is chance of an over
ture.
a Buffalo paper announces that by the re-
cent burning of a nice-house there were twcn-
ty thousand tons of ice were reduced to
ashes.
What is the difference between the duties
of a valet and the duties of n nurse? The
first BRUSHES ones hat, the other bushes one 5
| brat.
Why is the man who makes additions to
false rumor like one who has confidence in
all that is told him? Because he relies on
all that he hears.
\ radical, but handsome member of Par
lament, was observed, the other night, talk
ing volubly to an exceedingly obese lady.
Remarks thereon being maze to French
gentleman, he said-'' yes, he Is accus-
toned to address the masses
The Union and American says a
lovely Nashville girl went to shoe store
yesterday to buy a pair of shoes for her
pretty little fo0tsie-tootsie The nice young
man who parts his hair in the middle and
who stands behind the counter because he
desires 20 occupy his mind with something,
asked her what she wore, to which she re
piled, Number two's' The nice young
man handed her the desired number Young
sweetness made valiant effort to put them
on, but finally confessed they were little
too tight She finally contriyed to squeeze
on n pair Of number tiYes
\ doctor called to see patient whose ma
tive land was Ireland, and whose native
drink was whiskey. Water was prescribed
as the only cure. Pat said it was out of the
question he never could drink it. Then
milk was proposed, and Pat agreed to get
well on milk The doctor was soon sum
moned again Near the bed on which the
sick man lay was table, and on the table q.
large bowl. and in the bowl was milk, but
strongly favored with whiskey. &" What
have You here - said the doctor &c Milk,
doctor Just what you orthered'' '' '' But
there's whiskey in it | smell it, '' Well,
doctor, sighed the patient. " there may be
whiskey in it, but milk myohject ="
\ Chinaman, being examined as to his
competency to testify in court, was asked
what would be his punishment if he should
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,.,as-;a. =. / barc Le., s;n1.r H. -
years, said he. " andnow with Gods help
mean to doublc uiV diligence"
4 certain doctor who, in 4 moment of in
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The ratient declared tbc Josr excellent ar.j
got We'll after it.
The defence Of gentleman who had de
priyed his neichbor ofhis turkey and roasted
It was that he found it on his fence and
seized il in payment of rent of the fence.
4 subscriber Of the Lyons. y. Y. R,pul-
Hcan. who cut off his patronage because the
raper did not suit his views, and was sur
prised that the paper was published not
withstandinc. was thus addressed by the edi-
tor '' 1t was pretty close work for a while.
we confess but by emitting to put sugar in
our tea, and by buying cheaper grade OF
paper collars and reversing them Tor the sec
ond and third time, We managed torub along
until a new subscriber came and took the
place Of our respected di-sruntled friend
and then Richard was himself again Moth
lng but rigid economy will carry one safely
over sucn 'alahl'y as the loss ol Il SUD
y famous trenen phy ue-'fi'el 10
s'I''ch' unIel 5glns examination disease
eliminating ny degrees 10 tne me, most d39ser-
Gus symptoms ana asS.o' ~, NAT "oulu you
tnen prescribe OF DO Inc student, after
slght hesitation, replied " ! should send