Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1873-09-20
VARIETIES.
Kansas Magazine.

| IT is surprising how quickly men VINO
dislike red hair will fall in love with
red heiress.
The best way to improve the lot OF
woman is to put house on it and
good man in the house.
AN editor says that the only reason he
knows of why his house was not blown
away the other day, during a severe
gale. was because there was heavy
mortgage upon it.
VEN some mans slaps me on der
shoulder, und says: ~ vas glad to
hear you vas so vel" und den sticks be-
hind my back his fingers to his nose,
hef my opinion of dat weller.
THAT was an unhappy editor who
wrote that White pique costumes are
now popular" and was gravely informed
by the proof next morning that "white
pine coffins are not popular"
This is from the Augusta (Ga.) Chron-
icle: "Delinauent subscribers should
not permit their daughters to wear this
paper for hustle. There is so much
due on it, there is danger OF taking
cold"
AN old woman in Maine crossed over
bridge that was marked dangerous,
without seeing the sign. On being IN
formed of the fact on the other side she
turned about in great alarm and re-
crossed it.
THERE was desire on the part OF the
teacher to make n scholar understand
what conscience is. She said: "What
makes you feel bad after you have done
wrong?" "My papa" said the YOUTH
feelingly.
DIGNIF1ED CLERK: care you going
to marry yourself?" Facctious Fat
lander: "Arrah, now, whin did iver ye
hear tell of u gintleman marrying HIM
self? Sure there's lady goin to be
married along wild me-"
"Now, JOHN, suppose there was
load of hay OH one side of the river ana
a iackass on the other, and no bridge,
and the rivers too wide to swim, now
can the jackass get to the hay?' ~
give it up" "Well, that's just what
the other jackass did.
A RETIRED sea- captain, who had made
the tour of continental Europe and the
Holy Land, was asked how he was I'M
pressed by his visit to Jerusalem.
Jerusalem" said he, lis the meanest
place I ever visited There is not
drop of liquor in tho whole town fit to
drink"
AN express company that runs from
the Mississippi westward, IN the con-
tract printed on its receipt disciaimS
responsibility as carrier "for any loss
or damage by fire, the act OF God, In
dians, or any other public enemies OF
the Government"
A SUNDAY-scHooL scholar, only Blk
years old, was asked by his teacher
"Why they took Stephen outside OF the
city to stone him to death p The little
fellow was silent for moment, as though
absorbed with the problem, when,
Frightening up suddenly, he replied
$50 they could get a better crack at
him"
HERE is what hard hearted bachelor
thinks of the tender passion:
| think that love il like play,
Where tears and smiles are blended;
Or like a faithless April day,
| Whose shine with shower is ended;
Like Coldbrook pavement, rather rough;
Like trade exposed to losses;
And like Highland plaid, all stun,
And very full of crosses.
WHEN Nicholas Biddle, familiarly
called old Nick Biddle, was connected
with the United States Bank, there was
an old negro named Harry who used to
be loafing around the premises One
day, in social mood, Biddle said to the
darkey: "Well, what is your name,
my old friend?" Harry, sir, ole
Harry" said the other, touching his
seedy hat. "Old Harry" said Biddle,
"why, that is the name they give to the
devil, is it not ?" "Yes, sir" said the
colored gentleman, sometimes old
! Harry, and sometimes old Nick"