St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1873-02-07
Humorous.

wager. Sllt mas worried down eighteen
of the birds. and cries for more.
The TituSville Press SAYS: AN in
toNicated printer in East st. Louis wall
dercd into IL shoe shop i'll il fit of NEIL
tai alteration and set up several stick
ful of shoe pegs, and took Il proof of his
matter i'll the boot press before he real
lied his awful condition."
Murders are so common i'll New York
that when Il gentleman went home
and announced to his wife that Mr..
Greeley WAS dead. his little thrcc-year-
old. playing on the floor looked up and
said. PA who shot him -
\ very polite Toledo lady inquired
i'll the market for ''side sadie of vcmi-
son. The deer meat man east IL fawn-
ed look ut her, and cut her IL nice,
juicy piece from the rear portion of an
epiZo0tiCal OK.
At Chicago recently Il lady ut church
was seen to bow her head us if in piOus
thought. She suddenly raised it and
leaned back against the seat. when an
explosion occurred that shook the
building. She had pressed too heavily
Oh an air cushion hustle.
y Connecticut bridegroom created
quite Il sensation at his nuptiaIS. 10y ah-
pc,lIimg III pair of knee hrccch : he
longing Ia his grandfather. and which.
owing To the hrrlnc>> of the modern
sock. left several inches of veal expos
ed.
Phy >ician> hear some queer diagomo-
>eN from amatIc sometimes. OuI
lp Il IL,
4 sick man. and upon nquirimg of his
wife how he WAS affected. received in
reply. "Wcll. YOU see. doctor, the
things what hr eats gifts sortcr tangled
round his heart. and he suffers awful"
Children '.play horse" with great at
tciItiom to details. one very Young
wnm.tm cut up her mothers toilet cush-
ion. ruined Il carpet and nearly Scaldrd
Il r"niidimg Younger brother to death,
treating him with bran mash for il play
cpIZontic.
\ da>himg officer. meeting Dr. John
son at public dinner. cndcavorcd to
force him into conversation. Now,
doctor. said he. do not look so glum,
but he Il little gay and lively like 9TH
cI>. What would You give to he us
young and >prightly as am Why, sir.
replied johnson. | would almost con-
sent to he as foolish.
At school in Greene county. Iowa,
the scholars caught skunk and put it
in the >chonlma'am'> desk. thinking she
would '>mcll il mice" and give them il
holiday. She wasn't one of that kind
She took Il >prim. rlothes-pin, fastened
ii on her nose. went on with the eXer-
I l /, Il.
tumc.
\ Philadelphia professor, who wants
Ia breathe the air first and not second
hand. has Il habit of asking some mem
Der of his senior class to please open
the window Just back ot ,you. sir, to let
ont the remains of the last junior class"
Those little brothers will we never
hear the last of them On the con
summation of Il recent marriage, Il Wis
itor unwi>cly observed to the young
>ter, ''lou'rc Il brothcr-in-law now
Tommy" "lc>." replied Tommy puff
ing ont his cheeks extensively, ''but ma
says | will he an uncle. by and by"
What do you call that ," indignant
ly asked Il customer at Il cheap restau-
rant. pointing AT an object that he had
Just then discovered in his plate of
hash. "Wristhamd and sleeve button
attached. sir, said the waiter, briskly.
We'll do Nou consider that proper
thing for IL man To find in his hash p
asked the customer i'll wrath. Good
heavens. sin cried the waiter. would
you expect To find IL ten dollar silk UNI
hrclla in IL fifteen cent plate of hash ?
y Kansas man got up private
earthquake. the other day, by placing
several pounds of powder i'll the stove
to clear the SCOT out of the pipe. To
make it all go out of the pipe. he shut
the stove door, and placing his feet
against it, herOically awaited the result.
A> that WAS the only house within five
miles. the funeral over the fragments
was held i'll the open air.
Isaac O. BARNES ON HORSEBACK
The stories of the wit of the late Col
Isaac .. Barnes are numerous. but to bc
fully appreciated need the CnlomcfS pc
rular voice and dry manner, familiar
10 those wln used to know him. The
following anccdotc We do not rcmem-
Der to have ever seen III print.
The Colonel, ii seems, had been rec
nmmcndcd To take horseback exercise,
Inr the benefit of his health, by his ply
>ician, and accordingly applied at ii
Wcll-known stable for the animal
Il want Il regular trutting horse. to
ride for my health this attcrnoon.n
'-Ccrtaimly, Colonel" said the polite
proprietor: and, Judging from the Gus
TONER'S physique and "a horSr to ride
for health. gave him one of the hard
est trotting horses in the establishment,
upun which Barnes mounted and bump
ed off towards the country.
In about three hours he returned.
covered with dust and pcrspration,
and with the aS,iStamrc of one of the
h">llcrs. sI"wly and painfully descended
from his >tccd.
I.imping into the stable office, and
holding on to the lower part of his back
with one hand, he looked into the sta
c-kccpcr'> inquiring face and ,,jacu-
lated simply "
"IIuw much"
Three dollars, Colonel" was the re
ply.
He slowly drew his wallet, and laid
down the required sum.
''>hall Hou want the horse again to
morrow. Colonel p
NO: | shan't want him Tomorrow"
''PcrhapS the day after Tomorrow -
No: | shan't want him any more at
all"
"Indccd," said the stable keeper,
with IL sly twinkle i'll his eye, lis he not
ed Barnes holding on to his lacerated
body. 'Pcrhaps the horse don't suit
YOU"
"Oh. yes" said Barnes, quickly,
there's nothing the matter with the