Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1873-12-06
MY wIFE's BRIDAL TOUR.
BY NOSE SKINNER.

When | married my second wife.
she was dreadfully set about going
of On-a bridal tour. | told her she
had better wait six months or a
year and I'd try to go with her, but
she'd rather 20 alone-when n wo-
man was travelling man was an
out-and-out humbug
So | gave her seventy-hve cents
and told her 20 go out and have Il
! good time. never begradged
money when my wife's happiness
is concerned. Ny first wife never
could complain OF not going any
where, for Pm dreadful fierce to 90
off on good time myself aud al
ways was. don't pretend to say
how many times | took her out to
see the engine squirt-and there
was no end TO free lectures / let
her 90 to. The neighbors used
to say: alt does beat all how them
Skinners do gop
When Signou Blitz was IN Skunk
vile, with his wonderful canaries
he gave my vile a complimentary
ticket. / not only sold that ticket
for my wife, but | gave her half of
the money. 1 don't. boast of it,
though; | only mention il To show
how much thought of my wife's
happiness.
| don't think any man ought to
get married till he can consider his
wile's happiness only second TO his
own. John Wise, II neighbor of
mine, did thusly, aud when | got
married l concluded I'd do like
Wise.
But the plan didn't work in the
case of my second wife. No, l
should say not. / brOached the
subject very kindly.
Matilda | said, | suppose you
are aware that l am now your
lord and MASTER
'Not much you amt said she.
MRS. Skinner | replied, you are
fcarfuily demoralized. You need
reorganiziDg at once. You are
cranky And | brandished my
new sixIy-two cent umbrella wild
ly around her.
She took the umbrella from me,
and locked me up in the clothes
press.
l am quick TO draw an inference,
and the inference l drew here was
that | was not success as a reor-
ganizer of female women.
After this | changed my tactics.
let her have her own way, and
the plan worked like a charm from
the very first. It's the best way OF
managing a wife / know Of. OF
course this is between you and me.
So, when my wife said that she
was bound to 90 off on a bridal
tour anyhow, 1 cordially assented.
60, Matilda said /, 'and stay as
long as you want TO; if you feel as
though you would like to stay a
little while longer, stay, my dear,
stay
She told me to stop talking and
90 up stairs and get her red flannel
night-cap, and that bag OF penny
AOI al AQA AAEA huAA n UlEAAAs
My wife is a very smart woman.
She was a Baxter, and the Baxters
are a very smart family indeed
Her mother, who is going on eigh-
ty, can fry more fap-jacks now
than half these picked up city
girls, who rattle on the piano, or
else walk the streets with their fur
bellows and fixings, pretending to
get mad if young chap looks at
'em pretty hard, but getting mad
in earnest if you don't take any no.
tIce of them at all.
All! girls amt what they used to
be when was young, and the fell
lows are worse still. When went
counting, for instance, never tho't
Of staying till after 10 O'Clock, and
only went twice a week. Now
they 20 seven nights in the week,
and cry because there amt eight.
Then they write touching notes to
each other during the day. Dear
George, do you love me as much
now as you did at a quarter past
Il last night? Say you do, dear
est, and it will give me courage to
20 down to dinner and tackle those
cold beans, left over from yester-
day
Well, well, l suppose they enjoy
themselves, and it aiR't for us old
folks, whose hearts have got a lit
tie callouscd by long wear, to in
terfeTe. Let them get together
and court, if they like it-and
think they do. l was forty seven
when l courted my second wife, but
it seemed Just as nice to sit on a
cricket at her feet, and let her
smooth my hair, as it did thirty
years ago.
As said before my wife is a
very smart woman, but she couldn't
be anything else and be Baxter.
She used to give lectures on wo-
mans rights, and in one place
where she lectured, a big college
conferred the title of l.. L. D., up
on her. But she wouldn't take it.
NO, gentlemen, said she, give it
TO the poor She was always so
charitable. She gave my boys per-
mission to 90 barefoot all winter,
and insisted on itso much in kind
way, that they could not refuse.
She fairly doats on my children,
and I've seen her many time go
to their trower's pockets and take
out their pennies after they had
got to sleep, and put them in her
bureau drawer for fear they might
lose them.
1 started to tell you about my
wite's bridal tour, but the fact is,
never could find out much about i
: myself. l believe she had a gooC
time. She came back improved il