The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-09-19

"F~HN@ - 70 NN'f wa
The New York Stats says tie
DEVILS king-pin is rum.
Hints to singers: If your voice il
thick don't you strain it.
This country enjoyed only 80 rail-
road accidents last month.
There are $50 negroes and SC
whites In the penitentiary Of Alabama
Did you ever enjoy the bliss OF
counting? II not, get i little gal an
try.
Cleveland has commenced throw
ing away its babies at ten months Of
age.
A Sabbath school excursion al
Ashtabula, Ohio, lately, numbered
1 800. !.a ''
Artemus Ward used to Say the
best Of everything was good enough
for him. ds a rIsi9 ai
A secret has been defined as t'any-
thing made known to everybody in q
whisper"
Why is every winner Of the Derby
like the sun? Because he is a race
horse Ia ray source.
Why was the elephant the last ami
NAL to enter the ark? Because be had
to carry his own trunk.
Manufacturing is the poorest pay
ing business, because it takes ten
mills to make one cent.
A man cant help what is done bs.
hind his back, as the loafer said when
he was kicked out of doors.
Why does q widow feel het be-
reayement less when she wears cor.
setsp Because then she is so laced
A prominent white Republican Of
Dallas, Texas, promenaded the
streets Of that place the other day
between two negro women.
The Hitchcock family held re-
union at Southington, Connecticut,
last week, at which between 200 and
300 members were present.
Down East, when they want to
speak Of mans liberality, and yet
not praise him to much. they say he
has heart as big as Rhode Island.
In spite of the drought, the
English crop Of poets is abundant,
In the last census no less than 1927
were reported as residents in London.
A Frenchman, Boosting of the in
ventive genius of his country. "Ws
invented lace rufies.p "Ay,n said
John Bull, land we added shirts 10
them.
All! how do you like my mnthtache,
Miss Laura?" lisped dandy to q
merry girl. "Oh, very much. 1t
looks like the hair on the back Of d
caterpillar is3lttia
All the Smiths who 60 to Europe
this summer will come home
Smythes. Thompson will drop the
"p," and the Bakers viii style them
selves Bacairs.
A mineral spring has been dis
covered in Nebraska Of such curative
powers that dilapidated ladies after
quaffing il for week, find no further
use for cotton.
The negro who wns hanged at
Suffolk, Va, tile other day remarked
as he was going to the gallows: II
wish dey had put it off till after wa
termelon time" ga.
Why are the people who have
nothing to be proud Of but their ped
igree like potatoesy Because the
only good thing belonging to them
is under the ground. 1f d''
A Providence paper states that
Mrs. Senator Spragman invites
clergymen, school-teachers, and the
common people to flll eighty rooms
Of her home in Newport. i3
"Now, children" asked a school
inspector, "who loves oil menP' A
little girl about four years old, evi.
IDENTIFY not up in the catechism, ana
wered quickly, "All women"
A Massachusetts postmistress las
resigned her Office, as d matter Of
honesty, because she cannot find
time to read all tie postal cards and
attend to her other duties besides.
A young lady recently presented
her lover with ar elaborately CON
structed pe4lwiper, and was as-
ton-shed the next Sunday to see him
come into church wearing it as a era
vat.
A Tennessee lady presented her
husband with pair Of twins and in
due season added triplets, Dear
me" exclaimed an astonished neigh.
bot, IT suppose Mrs. Stebbing will
have quadrupsds next, and then
cOhtipedes."
General q. T. Beauregard tole-
graphed from New Orleans to an in
quiring friend in Nashville, Tenn, a
day or two ago; "0ur carpet baggers
must be rooted (bag and baggage)
out Of the State. or we shall be utter-
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