Richland beacon. [volume] (Rayville, La.) 1869-1890, 1873-07-12

guests We dislike. -LOnoiDn Saturday
RcricW.
NUMEROUS.
A young husband calls his wife
Birdie, because, he says, she is always
associated in his mind with a bill.
-Spicer thinks lighthouse would
be the best place to store cheese in, be-
cause it is warning to shippers.
-"Pm not getting married as much
as was" is the latest way of saying
mo" to an impassioned sntor.
The advocates of capital punish
ment answer their opponents by saying:
lyon must draw the line somewhere. !"
The despotism of custom is on the
wane we are not content to know that
things are We ask whether they ought
| to be.
Warm letters, X n; cold letters, I
G.; mourning letters, A NJ; sculptors'
letters, F f G.; 1uiet letters, F. q !;
astute letters, Y's; singing letters, BIS.
-Binks tumbled downstairs the other
day, and that wretch Bevins said that
it was better proof of the descent Of
man than any Darwin had given.
1t lis remarkable fact that, al
though common sheep delight i'll YER
dant fields, religious hocks are not
anxions for green pastors.
A friend of ours is in dilemma !;
he says his fiance objects to his being
"loose, and vet threatens to discard
him if she ever sees him tight"
An uptown young lady, speaking
of one of her aversions, said the severest
thing on record /" He's almost a per-
feet brute--he only lacks instinct
A Pittsburgh coroner makes no
charge where he sits on a young man
who parted his hair in the middle. He
says that his personal satisfaction is
enough, without the fee.
Mrs. James Bogg Of Washington,
| Ind, has young son who measures SIX
| feet seven inches one way and sixteen
years the other. The glory of that wo-
man is in her heir.
An Iowa farmer chewed the end of
his hoe-handle into splin'ers when he
discovered that the tobacco plants he
had been assiduoufly cultivating for
weeks were nothing but mullen stalks.
"A little boy asked a lady who maize
her teeth. "My Creator" she replied.
"Well, said the yonngster, "Dr. -
made my mas, and they beat yOur'n
clean out o'sigft."
How to drive away ants is: Ii they
are married aunts, borrow some money
from their husbands. If they are single,
let 'em take care of the baby for the af.
ternoon, while your wife goes to mat
inee.
There are three things which can in
wise be used for good-malice, envy
and folly; end there are three things
that can by no means be employed for
evil, humility, oontentment and iber-
ality. .'-. ..
The statistician has been at work,
and he estimates that Chicago, by con.
verting her into an e, might save at
least five thousand dollars per annum
in the ink now wasted in dOtting the
vowel of the first syllable.
A Peoria gentleman has a valuable
library of over thousand volumes, and
he got it cheap. He took agricultural
reports which we're sent to him, and had
the backs tastefully labeled as the works
of the great authors.
Socrates called beauty short-lived
tyranny; Plato a privilege Of nature
TheOphrastus, silent cheat Theocri
tus, a delightful prejudice and Aristo
tie affirmed that It was better than al
the letters of recommendation in tn
world. r
An Iowa young man, arraigned TO
assaulting and battering his sweethear
with kiss, was discharged because tn
| girl was SO wOnderouslv lovely that tn
Judge said he had to cling to the arms Q
his chair to keep from kissing her him
self.
' -"Most extra-ordinary,' said Sci
geant Warren, the author Of ''Te
t Thousand a Year." who was alway
3 Boosting of his visits at great houses
. "dined at the Duke of Northumberland
, on Monday, and there was no fish fo
: dinner" "No," cried Douglas Jerrold
r "they had eaten it upstairs.
|. "A sailor explaining a quadrille t
his mess-mate. thus describes the thir
|, figure You first heave ahead, said HI
and pass your adversary's yard-arm, n
|. gain your berth on the other tack in th
: same order, take your station with you
8 partner in line. back and fill, and the
!. fall ON your keel, and bring up wit
your partner; she then maneuvel
. ahead, off alongside of you; then NAL
q sail in company with her until nearl
astern of the other line, make steI
r, board, cast her off to shift for hersel
2 regain your place the best way you ca
!. and let go your anchor.
is Boy UNDER A SpELL.-There is bO
!, saws the San Francisco Figaro, in OF
j of our schools who wears a green velv
u suit, which is broken out with bell bu
n tons. There is great change in Il
~ boy since he commenced to go to scho
4 several months ago. He was then but
j. trifie better than an untutored savag
,e although we frankly confess that '
At don't know what an untutored savage
n. His first experience in school was
,s spelling lesson. While the class "
h. going through the exercise, he sat
10 the platform, near the teacher, al
l. locked his hands across his knees, al
Ia watched the class very intently. I
IL first word was ransom. "By gracious
re said he, drawing his teeth very har
o. The teacher gave him reproving loo
n. and went ON. multiply. Thunder a
in lightning, what word" he cried. in
. storro ri doli0ht Again the te0cl