The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-01-07


bony clutches of an infuriated female, who
was rapidly removing his hair by handfuls,
apparently with the idea of trying to OBJ
tain enough to fill mattress.
"I say % shouted the elder. "Confound
it Git out Let me go, will you?,'
LET you gov' screamed the woman,
shrieking at the top of her voice, and shak-
ing him violently by the collar. "No l
wont. Come on I've got him Fire
Murder Robbers ! I've got him p
"Do- you-you know-who-1-I-amP"
exclaimed Mr.. Pilberry, his remark render
ed somewhat disjointed as result of his
antagonists shaking.
"No, nor don't care who you are "
shouted the woman. "Murder mur-."
A violent tussel ensued, the elder using
his most desperate endeavors to escape, and
the enemy hung to him with the tenacity
of a bull-terrier, the only appreciable result
being the removal of the greater portion of
the clothing of both combatants. In the
midst of the melee the door burst suddenly
open, and Doctor Amadeus Brown entered
in state of great excitement.
"For Heavens sake" he exclaimed,
"what is the matter? Elder Pilberry I!
Nancy! Let go the gentleman at once.
Do you know who he is?'
"No," said Nancy who is he ?"
He's-why, bless my soul he's an
elder in the church."
I" He's an elder of the church ~ exclaim-
ed Nancy, drawing off and looking at the
dilapidated Pilberry contemptuously.-
"And do elders in the church come round
smashin' the minister's winders in this 'ere
way? ?"
BY this time the deacon had gained ad-
mittance by some means, and he now ap-
peared upon the scene, with his eyes fixed
upon the doctor solemnly. He was deter
mined that the elders unfortunate plight
should not deter him from his righteous
purpose.
doctor Brown" he exclaimed slowly,
show came you in this house?"
"Well, gentlemen" said the doctor, 81
will answer that question by asking an
other. Pray how came you here?'
The deacon might have replied that it
was very evident how Mr.. Pilberry got
there, and as that for himself he came in
through the back kitchen-but that would
hardly have comported with the dignity of
his errand
} eve came," he said "in pursuance of
our dooty as seectmen of this village. 1t
is painful dooty, but we must do it. You
hev been seen, Doctor Brown, in the cham
} Der of Missis. Gray, in the absence of her
husband"
Nancy here burst out into loud laugh,
and the doctor smiled.
EYES," yes he said don't deny it."
) "Elder Pilbery," exclaimed the deacon,
"you hear that? He don't deny it. Now,
} Doctor Brown, perhaps you hev some ex-
} planation to make-some excuse to offer.
We are ready to hear what you have to
say"
"Well, gentlemen" replied the doctor,
} looking from one to the other, and making
| a great effort to restrain a strong inclina
tion to laugh, "peahaps you will not deem
au excuse necessary when tell you thai
7 our respected pastor has this night become
happy father. 1t was little premature
1 perhaps, gentlemen, and the parson would
I undoubtedly have remained at home haC
he supposed the event likely to occur Sc
soon but it is fine boy, gentlemen, ant
weighes eight pounds and half"
Deacon Tarbox and Elder Pilberry hung
their heads and looked foolish. Stammer
d ing out confused apology, they hurriedl!
. took their leave, both sadder and wisel
men. The experience was not without it,
results, for from it the elder derived a yer.
: excellent motto, which he never afterward
t failed to fire at the deacon on all favorable
e occasions "Never jump at conclusion
i without fust bein' sure of your facks."
:,
i eB- There are some excellent shoe shop
o in Washington, and my nsatiate thirs
o after knowledge led me into one of zen
@ | have no doubt the proprietor was a pei
y fectly pious leather dealer. He had
is leather head anyhow.
= Says /, SCOT nice store, hain't YEP"
Al Says he, $50, So"
l. SaysI, Sew, sew. thought in you
is business it was stitch, stitch"
d Says he, "A-hem ~
d Says l, "No, stitch.'
ID Then propounded conundrum,
IS Says ], "Why are shoemakers like mil
: listers %
10 Says he, "Blast your conundrums.