The Portland daily press., 1873-12-20
NV Christmas Dinner.
ANONYMOUS.

declining this proposition. The first was that
Mr.. p. makes it a ,ule, at all these festivals,
to empty the entire contents of his counting
house into his little dining parlor; and you
consequently sit down to dinner with six
white waistcoated Gle rks, let loose upon
turkey, The second was, that l am not suffl,
GENTLY veil read in cotton and sugar, to en-
ter with any spirit into the subject of CONVEX.
sation, Aud the third was, and is, that
never drink Cape wine. But by far the most
prevailing reason remains to be told. l had
been anticipating for some days, and was
hourly in the hope of receiving. an invitation
to spend my Christmas day in most lrresis-
tible quarter. I was expecting, indeed, the
felicity of eating plum-pudding with an an
engagement, returned polite note to Mr..
p, reducing him to the necessity OF advertls-
ing for another candidate for Cape and tur-
key. rtlL o.
The twenty-first came. Another invitation
to dine with regiment of roast-beef eaters
at Chaplain. I declined this also, for the
above reason, and for one other, viz, that, on
dining there ten Christmas days ago, it was
discov red, on sitting down. that one little
accompaniment of the roast beef had been
entirely overlooked. Would it be believed !
but will not stay to mystify-I merely men
ton the fact. They had forgotten the horse
radish.
. The next day arrived, and with it neat
epistle, sealed with violet colored wax, from
Upper Brook Street. "Dne with the ladies
at home on Christmas day." Very tempt
ing, it is true; but not exactly the letter was
longing for. / began, however, TO debate
within myself upon the policy of securing
this bird in hand, instead of waiting for the
two that were still hoping about the bush,
when tue consultation was suddenly brought
to a close, by prophetic view OF the portfolio
ofdrawings fresh from boarding school-moths
and roses on embossed paper;-to say moth
ing OF the album, in which stood engaged
to write an elegy on Java sparrow, that had
beeu favorite in the family for three days
I rung for gilt-edged, pleaded world OF polite
regret, and again declined. et
The twenty third dawned; time was get
ting on rather rapidly; but no card came. l
began to despair of any more invitations, and
to repent OF my refusals. Breakfast was hard
ly over, however, when the servant brought
up-not letter-but an aunt and brace OF
cousins from Bayswater. They would listen
to no excuse; consanguinity required me, ard
Christmas was OF my own. Now my cous-
ins kept no albums; they are really as pretty
as cousins can be; and when violent hands,
with white kid gloves, are laid on one, it is
sometimes difficult to effect an escape with
becoming elegance. l could not, however,
give up my darling hope of pleasanter pros
pect. They fought with me in fifty engage
ments-that I pretended to have made. |
showed them the Court Guide, with ten
names obliterated-being those of persons who
had not asked me to mince-meat and mistle-
toe; and ultimately gained my cause by
quarteling the remains of an infectious fever
on the sensitive fears of my aunt and by di-
viding rheumatism and sprained ankle be-
tween my sympathetic cousins.
As soon as they were gone, / walked out,
sauntering involuntariry in the direction of
the only house in which felt could spend a
'.happy" Christmas. As approached, por-
ter brought large hamper to the door. "a
present from the country" thought 1; "yes,
they do dine at home; they must ask me;-
they know that am in town." Immediate
ly afterwards, a servant issued with letter:
he took the nearest way to my lodgings, and
hurried back by another street to receive the
so-much-wished-for invitation. I was in a
stale of delrious delight.
/ arrived-but there was no letter. / sat
down to wait. in spirit of calmer enjoyment
than hal experienced for some days; and in
less than half an hour note was brought to
me. At length, the desired despatch had
come; it seemed written on the Leaf OF lily
with pen dipped in dew. I opened it-and
had nearly tainted with. disappointment. 1t
was from stock-broker, who begins an an
anecdote or Mr.. Rothschild before dinner, land
finishes it with the fourth bottle, and who
makes his eight children stag up to
supper and snap-dragon. in Ma
cadamizing a stray stone inone of
his periodicals puddings, once lost a
tooth, and with it an heiress of some reputa-
ton. I wrote most irritable apology, and
despatched my warmest regards in whirl-
wind.
December the twenty-fourth-I began to
count the hours, and uttered many poetical
things about the wing of Time. Alack no
letter came yes, received a note from
distinguished dramatist, requesting the honor
etc. But / was too cunning for this, and
practiced wisdom for once. I happened to
reflect that his pantomime was to make its
ap ,earance on the night after, and that his
object was to perpetrste the whole programme
upon me. Regret that could not have the
pleasure of meeting Mr.. Paulo, and the rest
Of the Hterati to be then and there assembled,
was IF course Immediately expressed.
Nv mind became restless and agitated.
felt, amidst all these invitations, cruelty neg
lec;ei. They served, indeed, but to increase
my uneasiness, as they opened prospects of
happiness in which could take no share.
They discovered most tempting dessert,
composed of forbidden fruit. took down
''Childe Harold" and read myself into a sub
lime contempt Of mankind. l began to per-
ceive that merriment is only malice in dis
guise, and that the chief cardinal virtue is
misanthrophy.
I sat .'nursing my WRATH" till it scorched
me; When the arrival of another epstle sud-
denly charmed me from this state of delc-
ious melancholy and delightful endurance of
wrong I sickened as / surveyed, and trem-
bled as / opened it. 1t was dated-but no
matter; it was not the letter. In such a
frenzy as mine, raging to behold the object
of my admiration condescend, not to eat a
custard, but to render it nvisbe-to be in
vited perhaps to tart fabricated by her own
ethereal fingers; with such possibilities be-
fore me, how could I think of joining a
''friendly party,'-where l should inevitably
sit next to a deaf lady, who had been, when
q girl, patted on the head by Wilkes, or my
Lord North, she could not recollect which
had taken tea with the author of "Junius,"
but had forgotten his name-and who once
asked me ''whether Mr.. Munden's monu-
ment was in Westminster Abbey or St.
Paul's?' seized pen, and presented my
compliments. Ihesitated-for the peril and
precariousness of my situation flashed on my
mind; but hope had still left me a straw to
catch at, and at length succeeded in resist
ing this late and terrible temptation.
After the first burst of excitement, 1 sunk
into still deeper dependency. My spirit be-
came prey to anxiety and remorse. could
not eat; dinner was removed with unified
covers. went out. The world seemed TO
have acquired a new face; nothing was to be
seen but raisins and rounds Of beef 1 wan
dered about like Lear had given up all |!
l felt myself grated against the world like a
nutmeg. 1t grew dark sustained still
gloomier shock. Every chance seemed to
nave expired, and everybody seep,ed to have
oeiightful engagement for the next day. /
alone was disengaged-I felt like the Last
Man! Tomorrow appeared to have already
commenced Its career; mankind had antici-
pated the future; land coming mnce pies
cast their shadows before.', f~N
In this state of desolation and dsmav 7
called-I could not help it-at the bnnss 70
which had so fondIy anticipated an inv;,s ..
tion, aud welcome. My protest must here
however be recorded, that though called in
the hope of being asked, it was my fixed de-
termination not to avail myself of so protract
ed a piece of politeness. No: my triumph
would have beento have annihilated them witt
an engagement made in September, payabl
three months alter date. With these feelings
Il gave an agitatei knock-they were stonin
tue plums, and did not immediately attend
rung-how unlike dinner bell it sounded
A girl at length made her appearance. and
with mouthfu of citron, informed me that th
family had gone to spend their Christmas-ey