The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-06-21
Burlesque Modoc Dispatches.

" The Rocks SocarTned ,cith Aodoca "-Pdraphr0s-
ing Of the Battles Described By Gushing Re
pOTterS.
The Nashville Banner folks have read the dis
patches from the Lava Beds furnished by the
gushing and imaginative reporters, until they
could not be content without a = battle every
day, in which the ~forty-fve Modocs would figure
as . s%warming " over a rocky district ten miles
square, and SO they set their machine at work to
manufacture some dispatches one day when there
was a lull in the furnishing Of the usual supply.
Here is the way the Tennessee man tells it
Owing TO the temporary indisposition of the
press reporter at San francisco, we are without
our usual quota of war bulletins from Yreka this
morning. But fortunately the Grapevine lines
are working lrouo the vicinity of the Lava Beds,
and our advices are quite as romantic if not so
intense. With an enterprise, not TO be diScon-
certed by trivial mishaps, we are determined our
readers shall not : burst with ignorance =" about
the situation. We have the assurance of the
War Department that in no instance shall opera
tions be actively continued, while communication
with this Office is cut off. The following are the
latest bulletins 10 hand
fEEKA, April 29th, S p. N.-The morning
was uslered in with u boom followed by lurid
flashes from the eamp-ires where our men were
- billing their shirts for dress parade. The re-
lection OF the morning sun upon the Commander
ln-Chlet 5 sabre, az he was whetting that deadly
implement across the sole of his number thirteen
brogan, and the rattle Of bareback in the boys
days march, presented n pageant that beggars
description. Suddenly, at a signal from the
hewgag, there was a precipitate wild rush upon
the Lava Beds, amid the demoniac laughter of
the MOdOcs, who had vacated them about two
weeks previous, and were observing the maneu-
vie with opera glasses about sixteen miles inward.
Private q. of company B, peeping through a
creyice of the outer line of Lava Beds, and dis
covering that the enemy were not 'Ourn, y was SO
suddenly struck with cerebro- spinal-meningitis
that his head swelled before he could withdraw 1t.
and his comrades had to cut him off close to the
shoulders TO rescue him, and took him back to
the camp. where the assistant surgeon proceeded
at once 10 . put n head on him"
"YREKA, 10 A. N.-Colonel Perry fell over a
cracker barrel, when the excitement was thinnest,
and barked a piece Of his shin as big as a quarter.
He viii show the enemy no quarter from date.
But he has, meanwhile, been conference.-the for
shinanigin.
"YREEA, 10 M.-The retreat Of the Modocs is
being celebrated at this hour by a grand dinner
at headquarters. Conspicuous in the bill of fare
were the following commemorative dishes
Oregon gopher soup, a Ia Gopher EN- GiAem
Beef q Ia Mode-0r.'
"YREKA, 1890 p. M-While the army was at
dinner we were surprised by a charge of Modoc
squaws, armed with breech-loading cotton UNI
brellas.
"SAS FRANc1sco, , p. u.-A deserter is Just in
ApLl SlAbE, LNO Gays tAC c4udhS hCIG 1tDulSCO
with showers of bareback and bologna sausages.
but not before they had captured and carried off
with them a couple Of canteens Of water.
"SAN observation-disclosures re-
tired military Swans at the frst-class beer saloons
here comment with much severity upon the want
OF precaution which lost US two canteens of water,
and thus gave the enemy a considerable advantage.
needlessly prolOnging this cruel conflict.
"LATER-San Observation-Disclosures midnight
a 1reka courier has just arrived, who states that
the canteens were filed with old Bourbon. and
not water. This news has had a fine effect upon
the Stock Exchange.
) FRANCISCO. , A. MA Yreka courier
will reach here in the morning, who brings par
ticulars and details Of the last battle. Among
other incidents mentioned by eye-witnesses was
the capture Of a squaw, who choked herself in
the endeavor to eat two army biscuits at once,
and was scalped in the very act, and on the spot.
p. S.-Ihe female prisoner was not scalped.
1t was her chlgnon which came off in the hands
Of her captor, who has been promoted. The
squaws are still in the Lava Beds, with no posi-.
avenue of escape, and no water handy.
"P. ?. S.-One of our men, who was captured
by the Modoc squaws. has Just escaped from the
clutches OF the hends incarnate, in the presence
Of the whole Army. He effected mis- escape by
crawling through 4 port hole in the outer line of
the Lava Beds. As he went through. a gigantic
'beltcd' him just below the suspenders
With a hickory barrel stave and tore ms trousers
70 shreds. His bifurcated habiliments have been
and he now goes on crutches. misery de-
oicted on his martial front, and a correct map of
he seat of war on his rear.
" But the cries 90 UP from the universal heart
If the Army This indignation shall be f~earfully
avenged. \ great battle may be expected, if not
hourly. some time between now and the Philadel-
centennial"