The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-08-30


Some years ago, ut n public dinner, n Dutch
man was one Of the company; and during the
banquet he plId so much attention to Il sucking
pig Immediately in front Of his plate, that ne de-
vOurcd the entire animal. As he finished the last
mOrscl, unctuOus and sayOry. 4 bustling waiter
asked him what ne would be helped to next.
.. Oh replied the rcishing guest. I'll dank you
Tor one more Of dem lectIc hOks."
y GallOwstOwn lady recently requested her
husband to 90 to the dressmaker and tell her that
she (his wife) had changed her mind, and would
have the watered silk made up instead of the
pOplin, and that, .' If she thinks it would look
better with bias founces without putting, and
bOx-plaitcd below the equator, which should be
gathered in hemstitched gudgcOns up and down
the seams, with gusset-stitch between, she can
make it up that way, instead Of futng the bObinet
insertion and piecing out with point applique, as
| suggested yesterday The man is now raw
ing maniac.
\ solicitor who had recently been engaged bya
prominent life insurance firm, returned to the
Office Of his employers the other day, and COM
planned that he had been snubbed by gentleman
on whom me had called. - Snubbcd," =" cried the
manager, suubbcd2 Why what did YOU do
that ne should have snubbed yOu2 I have sOlIc-
itcd life insurance from the Atlantic to the Mis-
sissippi, and have never yet been snubbcd. 1
have been kicked down stairs, beaten over the
head with chairs, and thrown out of the window,
but snubbed, have never been" The solicitor
il driving coal wagon.
suit took place the other day IN which 4
printer named Kelyey was 4 witness. The case
was an assault and battery that came of between
two men named Brown and Henderson. 4" Mr..
Kelvey, did y0G witness the affair referred tor
Yes, SIR % Well, what 'Iaye you to say about
it2' So That It was the Jest piece Of punctua-
tion / have seen for some time" - What DO
YOU mean by that .. Why, that Brown dotted
one OF llendcrsOn's eyes, for which Henderson
put a period ON Browns breathing for about
half minute" The court cOmprehended tho
matter ut once, and fined the defendant ten dollars
COMFORT FOR WIDOwEEs.-A negro minister
who married rather sooner after the death of his
wife than some Of the sisters thought proper and
becoming, excused himself rs follows. My
dear brethren and sisters my grief was greater
than l could bear have turned every way for
peace and comfort but none come. | searched
the scriptures through from Gnisec to Riyerla-
tiOns and found plenty Of promises to the widder,
hut marry one To the widdereT. And So | took it
that the good Lord didn't waste sympathy
man when it was in his power 10 comfort himself;
and having 4 first rate chance To marry IN the
Lord 1 dill so, and would do so again. Besides,
brethren considered that poor Patsey was Just
- dead rs she would ever be.
WHAT Use AXE They The Danbury Netcs
man goes for those pests of humanity, the poets,
in tins style. .. We are in receipt Of nine
verse poem on 4 faded rose. What superficial
people these poets are Here is 4 long mess of
stuff cOmmcm0ratIng IN event that Is OF daily
occurrence, and Of precious little consequence.
But If 4 respectable citizen has = tumOr on the
back Of his neck, OF swallows 4 button with =
brass eye In 1t, or something like that, something
that affects everybody, and Is Of the nature OF 4
tragedy not 4 single, solitary poet wOuli trouble
himself % write line about It he would not
breathe out his soul through single verse. But
he can rhapsOdizc al night over little decayed
vegetation We are out Of all patience with
such people"
There Is Il man IN Iitusyille who IS so affection
ateIy fond Of his wife that he Is jealous If man
looks within 4j degrees Of the direction in which
she may happen to be. The other day gentle
man spoke 10 her, and ne Immediately threatened
suicide. His wife dispatched for 4 bottle OF
poison, which she had put mp ut the druggist :,
consisting of little water cOlOred with IquOrice
and bottled, with glaring poison label outside
When nc threatened 70 take some of 1t, and
actually poured it into wine glass, she screamed
for help and ran into another room, where she
could watch him through the key-hOle, and saw
him coolIy open the window and throw 1t out.
She then rushed back, apparently frantic with
grief and implOTcd him not To do the rash decd
lie merely pointed at the glass, and lying down on
the floor began to kick out his legs like jumping
iack. She told him she was determined to share
his fate. and swallowed the rest Of the Iquorlce
water whereupOn he became really frightened,
called the neighbOTs, confessed that he only
slammed, and said that if she only survived he
would never trouble her again. Then she explained
the ruse and ne was 50 mortified ne tried to buy
IN the silence Of the neighbOTs, but the story
was too good 70 keep lie Is thoroughly cured.