The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-08-29


working at an increased salary.
"Home-sweet, sweet home" as
the bee said when he entered his
hive.
Why's early grass like penknifeH
Because the spring, brings out the
blades.
Strange, when memory is SO
"hard, that hard money should be
SO scarce.
Very Certain The surest way to
loose your health is to keep drinking
ctaer peoples.
The book to which reference is
most frequently made nowadays
the pocket book.
A gentleman in o fit Of absent
mindedness, told another that he had
two sons--both boys.
A young man at a party being told
to "bring forth the old Tyre" brought
out his mother-in-law.
Query: Are the Michiganders any
relation to the Portuguese, and if so,
how much, and what?
Good taste is the modesty of the
mind: that is why it cannot be either
initiated or acquired.
We seldom find people ungrateful
so long as we are in condition to
render them service.
Some ladies are SO economical that
thgy constantly resort to Tightening,
to prevent waistfullness.
An ill-bred man is said to be like
lightning, because he does not know
how to conduct himself.
What is the difference between q
jailor and a ieweler? One watches
cells, and the other sells watches.
What is the difference between
cloud and beaten childP One pours
with rain and the other roars with
pain.
A drunken Toledo man had it
right in one sense when he wrote on
the wall, "Jug not, lest ye be
jugged."
There is time for all things. The
time to leave is when o young lady
asks you what kind of o day it is for
walking.
A man writing POLITICALLY of the
weather, says "The backbone of
winter is broken, but the tail wags
yet occasionally"
Locate the bed post in your mind
before putting out the gas, or you
will have it located for you by too
sudden discovery.
What's the difference between the
top Of Bunker Hill Monument and a
song for one voiceY Ones so high
and the others solo.
A dandy asked barber's boy if he
had ever shaved o monkey. "No,
sir" answered the lad, "but if you
will take seat I'll try.
'Tis now said that William Tell
shuddered when he shot the apple
from his boys head because the dear
boy had such an arrow escape.
A worthy Kentucky farmer being
asked if a daughter recently married
was still living with him, replied;
"No, sirl When one of my gals
swarms she must hunt her own hive"
A poor man who hanged himself,
owing to domestic aflliction occasion
ed by his wife, is thus disposed OF
out West: 'sHenry Lyman, shoe.
maker, Terfe Haute-bed cord.
Jealousy"
A young Irish peasant girl was
called to testify concerning the
character Of a person of no good
repute, and merely said: "May it
PLACE your Honor, he never made his
mother SMILE"
The Texas Legislature having
commended Col. McKenzie's chas-
tisement of tho Kickapoo Indians
makes q virtuous Texas editor ask
whether it is not out of order TO kick
poo Indian anyhow
"It wasn't late-only q quarter of
twelve" How dare you sit there
and tell me lie2 l was wide awake
when you came in, and looked at my
watch--it was three o'clock" "Well
isn't that a quarter of twelveP"
The spring styles of bonnets are
certainly superb. The ladies are
showing increased excellence of taste,
and they are to be commended. The
latest bonnet is triae higher than
freights on our railroads, and as
graceful in proportion.
The local editor Of one Of our ex-
changes has bursting paragraph,
as follows; Delinquent subscribers
should not permit their daughters to
wear this paper for a hustle. There
being SO much due on il, there is
danger Of taking q cold"
The English Chancellor Of the Ex-
chequer says that England will pay
off the Alabama award this year by
the excise on beer, patriotic British.
ers, whenever they pass beor shop,
say one to another: "Hour country
is in danger-let's 60 hin and sup
porter"