Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1873-05-29
Domestic ExPeriencc-Family EncOum-
ter with Stove and Piping.

From the Danbury News.
| Putting up stove is not SO difficult in it.
self. 1t is the pipe that raises four-ffths of
the mischief and all the dust You may take
down stove with all the care in the world
and have your wife put away the pipe in a
secure place, and yet that pipe won't come
together as it was before. You find this out
when you are standing on chair, with your
arms full of pipe and your mouth full of
SCOT. Your wife is standing on the floor in
position that enables her to see you, the pipe
and the chair, and here she gives utterance to
those remarks that are calculated to hasten
| is pinned over her waist and her hands rest
on her hips. She has got one Of your hats
on her head, and your linen coat on her back
and pair of rubbers on her feet There is
about five cents worth of pot-black on her
nose and lot Of flour on her chin. and al
together she is a spectacle that would inspire
dead man with distrust And while YOU
are up there trying to circumvent the awful
contrariness of the pipe and telling that you
know that some fool has been mixing it, she
stands safely on the floor and bombards you
with such domestic notices as, "What's the
use of swearing SOP" 'sYou know that no
one has touched that pipe" ''You amt any
more patience than child" ''Do be careful
of that chair" And then she goes off and
reappears with another armful of pipe, and
before you are aware of it she has got that
pipe so horribly mixed up that it does seem
no pieces are alike. You join the ends and
work them TO and fro, and to and fro again,
and then you take them apart and look at
them. Then you spread one out and jam the
other together, and mount them once more
but it is no CO. You begin to think the pieces
are inspired with life, and ache to kick them
through the window; but she doesn't lose her
patience. She goes around with that awfully
cxasperating rigging on, with a length of
pipe under each arm and a long-handled
broom in her hand, and says she don't see
how it is some people never have any trouble
putting up steye. Then you miss the ham,
mer. You don't see it anywhere. You stare
into the pipe, along the mantle and down on
the stove, and off to the floor. Your wife
watches you, and is finally thoughtful enough
to inquire what you are looking after, and on
learning, pulls the article from her pocket.
Then you feel as if you could 60 out of doors
and swear hole twelve feet square through
a block of buildings, but she merely observes,
''Why on earth don't you speak when you
want anything, and not stare around like
dummy" When that part of the pipe which
goes through the wall is up, she keeps it up
WIN the broom Wnlle you are MAKING tAe
connection, and stares at it with an intensity
that is entirely uncalled for. All the while
your position is becoming more and more
interesting. The pipe don't so together, OF
course The SCOT shakes down into your
eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls down your
face and tickles your chin as it drops off, and
it seems as if your arms are slowly but surely
drawing out of their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rescue by in
quiring if you are going to be all day doing
nothing, and if you think her arms are made
of cast iron, and then the broom slips off the
pipe, and in her endeavor to recover her hold
she jabs you under the chin with the handle,
and the pipe comes down on your head with
it's load of fried SCOT, and then the chair tits
forward enough to discharge your feet, and
you come down on the wrong end OF that
Chair with force that would bankrupt pile
driver. You don't touch that chair. You
leave your wife examining the chair and be-
moaning it's injuries, and 60 into the kitchen
and wash your skinned and bleeding hands
with yellow soap. Then you go down the
street after man to do the business, and
your wife goes over to neighbors with her
chair and tells them about its injuries, and
drains the neighborhood dry of its sympathy
long before you get home.