Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-06-14
The Gout.

AN old Scottish gentlewoman zone Oh
those genealogical ladies now becoming
rare) would never allow that any Out peo-
pie of family could have bona tide govt II
Ii was mentioned that a rotnIer was
afflicted with The disease, she would shake
her head. "Na, ma! it's only my father
and Lord Gallowa' that have the regular
govt" In Black,oood's Magazine, 1863, in
a paper of SURPRISING humor, appeared
SThat pain which you feel in the joint
of your great toe, quoth Monsieur Gout,
''has, you fatter yourself, become rather
less since eight O'Clock, When you took
your last dose of colchicum. Quite mis-
take, my dear Sir. The member, is, ifany
thing, more swollen and infamed than
before. Observe, now, shall take the
liberty Of inserting this little awl, just by
the way of probe. Aha! 1t makes you
vince. Avery good sign that, however,
since it proves that there is no ground for
experimenting immediate modification.
Now do you know why it is that your
toe is so singularly sensitive? I'll tell
you. You remember three years ago, or
dering a batch of Burgundy. Previous to
that time you had been in very good
health, for you had plenty of occupation
and little leisure for gluttony or wine-bib-
bing your means were limited, and dur
ing the holidays you took q sufficiency OF
pedestrian exercise. Really, in those days.
| never expected to have the pleasure OF
making your acquaintance. l considered
you Just the kind of a fellow likely to be-
come an ornament of the Alpine Club.
But your estimable uncle, old Zones, the
stock-broker-bless you, knew him very
well indeed! many time have | chatted
to him when he was roaring like an ag-
grayated bullock-your old uncle Jones,
I say, died and left you his money
You are not going to sleep, are you ?
Well, | call Tat rather unhandsome
treatment, considering that have taken
the pains to come here and bear
you company. A slight touch of the
pincers may, however-aha, all's right
again; you are as lively as snap
ping-turtle. Whereabouts was L?
On, / remember. Old Jones left you his
money, and you determined to take your
ease. No one can blame you for that.
What's the use of tagging to make more
when you are in possession of q cool
$4,000 year, and may indulge in shoot
ing-box and hunters? But you could
never make up respectable bag on the
moors, and on horseback you were any
thing but Ducrow. You preferred liy-
ing in town, took chambers in the Al
bany, gave nice little recherche dinners,
and laid in that stock of Burgundy to
which l have already alluded. 1t was Of
a fine vintage, strong and heady, and made
the blood circulate in the veins like light
ming. To it attribute the honor OF our
first introduction, though port and claret,
not to mention sundry kinds OF delicious
entren.ets, did undoubtedly contribute to
lessen the distance between us. Then you
took to late hours, hot rooms, and ccarte,
almost justly included in the catalogue OF
fashionable pleasures; and our acquaintr
ance, at first only slight, has now ripened
into permanent friendship. But l really
must not allow my feelings to divert me
from the scientific purpose for which |
have visited you tonight. Don't be afraid.
I shall Law aside awl and pincers, and vary
the experiment by injecting few drops
of molten lead between the flesh and the
bone. Ha! what an enviable yell! Your
lungs, can assure you, are in perfectly
healthy state, and may last you for the
next twenty years, IL you don't force me
to get into your stomach. By-the-way,
what a silly proverb that Is against push
ing things to an extremity tits with the
extremities always make.a point of deal
ing in the first instance, and / take it that
very few people would wish me to depart
from the practice. What is that you say!
You wish that 1 would go to the devil
Pardon me for limiting in reply that you
are both rude and unreasonable. am
here, as you well know, in consequence OF
your indiscretions."
Archbishop Sheldon not only wished
for govt, but proffered 81, 900 to any per-
son who would help him to it, looking
upon it as "the only remedy for the dis
tress in his head" Iaf-