The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1873-05-13
A Danbsry MINI and His WHO Have
An Encounter with tho Family stove
aud Piping The steve Vic ierious.

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Putting upa stove is not so difficult In
Itself. II Is the pipa that raises four fiiths
of the mischief and all the dust. You may
take down u stove with oil tho care in the
world, and have your wife put away tho
pipe in u secure place, and yet that pipe
v on come together again AZ 1t Was before.
| Y on find this OUT when you are stand,r 4
cnA chair with your arms full Of pipe asd
your mouth full Of scot, Your wife 10
standing on the noor 10 n position that
enables her 10 see you, the pipe, and the
chair, and here sne gives uttersnce to
those remarks ihatare calculated to hastsn
man into the extremes Of insanity. Her
dress is pinned over her waist, and her
hands rest on her hips. Shs has got one
VI your hats on her head, aud your Inca
coat on her back, and pair OF your rub,
bers on her iest. There Is about five cents
worth Of pot black on her nose, aud a OF
Of -four on her chin, and altogether she 10
. spectacle that would inspire dead ms u
with distrust. And while you are up thsrs
tryiAg to circumvent the awful oentIari-
nssso of the pipe, and telling that ysu know
some fool has been mixing 1t, she stands
safely on tho floor and bombards you with
SUCH domestic NOTICES as. "WhAts the
use Of swearing So" "iou know no enc
has touched that pipe" Ysu ala I get any
mere patience than child" "Ds DO care
ful OF that chair And then she goes of
and re appears with an armful Of III ore
Pipe, and before you arc aware OF it she
has got that pipe so horribly mixed up
that it does scsm no two pisces are
alike. hlf
ou join the ends, and work them to
and fro, and to and fro again, and then
you take them apart and look at tho
Then you spread one out and jam the other
together, and mount them once more. but
II Is no 20. You begin to think tho pieces
arc inspired with life, and ache to Kick
them thr, uga the window. But .hs ios.u' I
lose hor p..isnoe. She goes around With
that swially exssperating risgiAg 81,
with length Of pipe under each arm, and
a leng-handled broom IN her hand, and
says shs don't know how ii is some people
never have any trouble putting up stove.
Then you miss the hammer. Ysu don't
soc 1t anywhere. You stare into the pipe
along the mantel, and down on the stove,
and sf to the floor. Your wifs watches
you, and 10 finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are locking after, and
on learning, pulls the article from her
pocket. Then you feel rs though you
could 60 out doors and swear q hole twelve
feet square throagh . block Of brick
buildings, bat she merely observes: "Why
on earth deaf yos speak when you want
anything, and not stare around like a
dummy When that par, Of tho pipe
which goes through the wall Is up, she
Keeps it up with her broom, while You are
making the connection, and stsres At II
with an intensity that is entirely uncalled
for. All the while your position 10 bsson-
ing more and more interesting. TIE pipe
don't 60 togsther, Of course. o SCOT
shakes down into your eyes and NJ ,ih, ,
the sweat rolls down your face aud ~ IS
your chin a. it drops off,, and il sgs as a.
IL your arms are slowly but surely draw
ing out Of their sockets.
Here yspr wife comes to the rescue by
inquiring II you are gsiBg 10 bs all day
doing nothing, and If you think her arms
are made OF cast iron, aad then the broom
slips of the pipe, aud In her sndeavor to
recover her hold she jobs you under tao
chin with the handle, and tho pipe comes
down on your head with its load Of fried
SCOT, and then the chair tilts forward
enough to discharge your feat, and you
GENE down on the wrong end Of that chair
with s,force that. would bankrupt pile
driver. You dent touch that stove again.
You leave your wife examining the chair
and bemoaning its injuries, and 70 int
the Kitchen and wash ysur skinned and
bleeding hands with yellow soap Then
you 60 down street after man to do tho
business, and your wife gees over to the
neighbors with her chair, tells them about
its injuries, and drains the ne ghborhood
dry of its sympatbies long before you get
home. -ss