Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1873-05-08
pROMsS CUANA.
A great nuisance Bad coal. A
greater the price of the article.

d
tie because it represents hard wear.
Any fool can make woman talk,
bit its rather hard to make one listen
''Tbat is my business" as the butch
er said to the dog that was killing his
sheep.
Cattle are dumb beasts, but by gath
eiing themselves together, they can
make themselves herd.
1t is not good for man to be alone.
Yes, it is; when he has only dinner
enough for one
When you hear man say, Life is
but a dreain," tread OH his corns, and
wake him up. fEE5F
t'Come where my love lies dream
ing" Yes, do, and see how she looks
without any paint on her face.
81 hate to hear people speak behind
ones back as the pickpocket said
when the constable called, Stop thief"
Among the conditions of sale by an
auctioneer, was the following: ''The
highest bidder to be the purchaser, I'M
less some gentleman bids more.
Tom had large ears, and comrade,
meeting him one day, said: &
''Tom, what fine angel you'd be if
your wings were not SO high up"
q have one request to make Of, you
my dear Mr.. Grant" s'My dear widow,
I win grant anything you say" HWell
SIT, | want to be Granted myself"
"You are an Irishman," said fellow,
tauntingly, to his neighbor. ''Well sir,
l am no more responsible for having
been born an Irishman, than you are
for having been born an ass
A patent has been obtained for the
manufacture Of waterproof paper. 1t
will be no uncommon thing by an by to
carry quart Of milk home in paper
bag. -
An honest Hiberaian, upon reading
his physicians bill, replied, that he had
no objection to pay him for his medi-
cines, but his visits he would return.
"Prisioner, why did you follow this
man and beat and kick him so shame
fully?" q am sorry, yer honor; I was
a little drunk. and l thought it was my
wife. '
Experimental philosophy-askinga
young lady to marry you. Natural
philosophy-looking Indifferent, and
saving you were only in fun when she
refuses you 80
There is girl in Newport who has
two perfectly formed tongues. Won't
the man who gets her be prepared to
take to himself wings and harp, and
be purified through suffering"
The most gallant man ever heard of
is one who RETAINED from kicking a
dog that had bitten him, because it
was female dog.
'If it wasn't for your SEX said he,
I'D kick your head off.
Ii you want your neighbors "to
know all about you" give party and
don't invite the folks swho live in the
next door"
An editor in iowa has become 50
hollow from depending upon tho print
ing business alone for bread. that he
proposes to sell himself for a stove
pipe, at three cents foot.
A man hundred years old went to
have apair of shoes made The shon-
keeper. suggested that he might not
live to wear them out, when The old
man retorted that he commenced this
hundred years a good deal STRONGER
than the last one. aiE..
~ eoHntryman recently came to the
city to purchase an article of household
necessity, and in visiting a music store
observed on sign, '.All sorts of wind
instruments for sale here !" He forth
with stepped in and asked for pair Of
BELIEVES l-H- ,.o-1.J = sf.t "a Il
, An Old woman, On being examined
De1ole magistrate, as to, her place of
legal settlement, was asked what raoses,
sae had tor supposihg her husband had
old lady said ''"n' Inc
., ~ was born and married there
ana they buried him there and If thai
lsh settling e ], him there, / don't know
= a Ma ANNA; # poer mamma had
nc, !, recovered, and gone away fim an
hef little Georgy forever, what wonld
ne nave done q Little Georey-sG
don't know, ma, but | guess me mi an
ting!" s0ne sha
A Loving husband once waited on
PHYSICIAN to request him to prescribe for
ms l W,fes eyes, which were very sore
LET :, her wash them, " said the doctor
every morning with small GLASS Of
brandy A few weeks after the doctor
cnanced to meet the husband. "Well
my Trend, has your wife followed nv
adylee z ssShe has done everything =
heT power to do it, doctor sai1 ~ -