Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1873-05-01
Pntting zap "a stove.

Putting up a stove is not so difficult
in itself 1t is the pipe that raises four
fifths of the mischief and all the dust.
You may take down stove with all the
care in the world, and have your wife
put away the pipe in a secure place, and
yet that pipe won't come together again
as it was before. You find this out when
YOU are standing on a chair with your
arms full of pipe and your mouth full of
SCOT Your wife is standing cal the floor
in Il position that enables her to see you,
the pipe, and the chair, and here she
gives utterance to those remarks that are
calculated to hasten a man into the eX-
trcmes Of insanity Her dress is pinned
over her waist, and her hands rest on
her hips. She has got one of your hats
en- her head, and your linen coat on her
back, and pair of your rubbers on her
feet. There is about five cents worth of
pot black on her nose, and lot of flour
on her chin, and altogether she is a spec
tacle that would inspire dead man with
distrust. Ana while you are 1p there
trying to circumvent the awful contra
riness Of the pipe, and telling that you
know some fool has been mixing it, she
stands safely on the floor, and bombards
YOU Win SuOIl bptIlCSLiC UlOtltftS III
Whats the use of swearing so 2" you
know no one has touched that pipe. :"
You amt got any more patience than
a child. Do be careful of that chair. p"
And then she goes off and rcappears with
an armful of more pipe, and before you
are aware of it she has got that pipe SO
horribly mixed up that it does seem no
two pieces are alike. You join the ends,
and work them to and fro, and take them
apart again and look at them. Then you
spread ont one and jam the other to-
gether, and mount them once more. But
ii is no 60. You begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life. and ache
to kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience. She goes
around with that awfully exasperating
rigging on, with a length of pipe under
each arm, and long handled broom in
her hand, and says she don't see how 1T
is some people never have any trouble in
putting up stove. Then you miss the
hammer You don't see it anywhere
You stare into the pipe and along the
mantle, and down on the stove, and off
to the floor. Your wife watches you in
tently, and is finally thoughtful enough
to inquire what you are looking after,
and on learning, pulls the article from
her pocket. Then you feel as If you
could 90 out doors and swear hole
twelve feet square through block of
brick buildings, but she merely observes
''Why on earth don't you speak when
you want anything, and not stare around
like a dummy" When that part of the
pipe which goes through the wall is up,
she keeps it up with her broom, while
you are making the connection, and
stares at it with an intensity that is en-
tirely uncalled for. All the while your
position is becoming more and more in.
teresting The pipe don't go together,
of course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
! down your face and tickles your chin
as it drops off, and it seems as if your
arms are slowly but surely drawing out
| of their sockets. Here your wife comes
to the rescue by inquiring if you are
going to be all day doing nothing, and
! If you think her arms are made of cast
! iron, and then the broom slips off the
pipe, and in her cndeavor to recover
her hold she jabs you under the CHR
with the handle, and the pipe comes
down on your head with its load Of
| fried SCOT, and then the chair tits for
/ ward enough to discharge your feet
and you come down on the wrong enc
of the chair with a force that woulC
bankrupt a pile driver. You don
touch the stove again. You leave you
wife examining the chair and bemoan
ing its injuries. and go into the kitchen
and wash your skinned and bleeding
hands with yellow soap. Then you g,
down street after a man to do the bust
ness, and your wife goes over to tn
neighbors with the chair, and tell
them about its injuries, and drains tn
neighborhood dry of its sympathy lon
before you get home. -Danbu',y Aeaes.
! III n ia 4.