Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-11-07
HI MDlxt,t =.

by the tolling Of solemn bell+.-Hoie.s
Momhly.
HUMOROUS.
There was some wit and good deal of hui
man nature in the lrishman who, Oyerhcar-
ing boasting father say that he intended to
bestow a.dowry of fifty thousand dollars on
each of his three daughters at their mar
riage, sid, "by your leave, sir, I'll take all
three of them
This is Mrs Partington'S latest effusion
Here have been suierin the bigamies of
death for three mortal weeks. First | was
seized with a bleeding phrcnoogy in the
hampshire of the brain. which exceeded by
the stoppagc of the left ycntilator Of the
heart This gave me inflammation Of the bor-
AK. and now am sick with the chlorolorm
morbus. There's no blessin' like that of
health, particularly when you re i'll.
What did Adam first plant in the garden
Of Eden His foot.
\ citizen of Rock County, Wis, iS re
corded as saying II can always tell water
when see it, it looks 50 much ike gin.'
Fashions changes were much the same in
the Garden of Eden as now. The demand
the Fall was for more clothing.
Thus far but no farther" was the in
seription suggested by a wag for foundling
hospital.
The Gold Hill (Ney.) N1rs says: An
Trishman, a resident of this city, noted for
his wit upon all occasions, and also for his
successful attacks on the tiger, was proceed
ing home the other evening, and when he
had reached the Divides, was stopped by
some foot pads and told to "hold up his
| hands" The robbers knew he had made
large winning and got of with it. and pre-
ceded him for the purpose of wayiayins him.
Pat did not scare worth cent, and when
stopped quietly asked the robbers what they
wanted? They answered, I'VE want your
money :" Pat, quietly lighting his dudetn.
said so, murther, murther bat ye iel-
lers are awful thick tonight Awful
thick, said one of the robbers. ''What do
YOU mean ?' '' name" said Pat. '' that
this is the fourth time was stopped since
left Nirginnv. One of the men, dl--u-tct
with himself to think that others Of the pro-
fession had got in ahead Of him, struck Pat
on the neck and then kicked him, saving
Get out of here. or I'll blow the top of your
head off " Pat did get willingly, and ar
rived safely at home with soc in coin IN
his pocket.
Douglas Jerroid'S "-pitIo1E- for two.
though very good joke, has been thrown
into the shape by an eminent professor IN
one Of our colleges. who recently remarked
to the senior cla~, that fit was Necessary
for them 10 spit 50 much be wished they
would bring Spittoon- to the recitation room.
Accordingly, at the next recitation In march,
Ell the selate seniors. each bearing sVit-
t00n. which. a~ they sat down were deposit
ed st their feet The professor. NOT i'm tie
least Disconnected. patiently conducted them
through the lesson. and at the close sail, 81
am very glad. gentlemen, % see that yoJ are
So attentive to my wishes, and as there is
some danger of your -pittoou- being broken
or lost, between recilati1nS, you may carry
them % vour rooms at such times, bringing
them with You when you come to rceitc
asoin" Il Is needless TO r1mark that the
members of the class saw that the point o.
their iokc was most decidedly ia hyar H.
him Of the -pectarie- and lore.
1t Is sometime very annoying to have
people volunteer information upon -aea -a.-
iec-~ IN regard O. which thci- i-uanleci- ~a-
mlrksbIe. but that man wa- -imrIv ae.r.-
vating who -ail that PenuSyl'ania is So CALI
ed because the lead pencil was invented
there.
\ rugh North tarolinian. going Wet
with his dozen children and t"1 dozen dog,
recently Went 'n n'3rd steamer az 81 N.N-
tGeky Andins' ana hi, ii~, gH'.-i 'A was
10" m9ch VIII you ,,-.,, SlaII'' cap De O. ,'A'
Us u II. l.'l!r ,,. D.. l.I 81 ODD a''S .i
ih me 'a3,h- '--, zap "' ,t -''el .,i y.
a ea'ln an my me- ana Pose ''' ''..'' %
'e good enough lof me now
\ South Carolina man couldn't die happy
until his son had shot nei-lhor against
whom there was an old grulce Did voa
hit him plump ccutrc3" asked the dyin.
man. and when receiving an affirmative au-
Swcr hc fell back and deaths cold smile c.f-
cred his face.
D.ir.ir NAV, ,,.-. ,,,... -.r,.-,,.5 ...f.
e.'. ,,,l ,,r,,. H.. r.rr'.,,;,,.. - o.. r.,
+Ls T-r.l T., II.,,.- -lyiezc -I..r- ,,s,t3
Tho world = or,,rin,- ,vors, c,c[r l,v.
lie was informed that the line didn't cone
mn
I"e io4'" .., ing ''I'"S is"I. '' l','" was
uN'' 10 '','r''e ,,' great -'@' 'i -t'''I'.',
lo " i"t VINO o'N4l h'i Hi'H' Nl Hi- ih'''