davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
The KOndem PhOOI.

THARE IL two kinds of phools, at the
date ov this article, laying around loose
in the world; one IL the natraL, and the
other IL the kOndem.
Thare IL sum other kind ov phools be-
sides these, which | shall tutch lightly
before | get thru.
The natral phool kant help it, he IL
born like the dairy, bi the side ov the road
just to nod, and to he sport for the winds.
He haz no destiny TO phil, that we
know ov, but hiz Heavenly Father will
care for him, for He cares for the koarse
weed and the rank thissell.
The kondem phool IL a selfmade man,
and liz entitled tew all the credit ov the
job.
Natur turns him out loose into the
world, jist as she duz her other works,
with all hiz fakultys in good order, but
like ram in bak lot, he undertaiks tew
knox down stun fence with hiz head,
and finds the stun fence too much for the
ockashun.
He often haZ he'd phull ov branes, but
like swarm ov beeZe, they keep up sich
buzzing they bewilder him.
The kOndem phool generally lacks but
one thing tew make him all the suckcess
he could ask for, and that one thing IL
common sense.
Common sense iz all greek tew these
hiih Wv lIcy Mall OlJtll llIt DO-
etry that reads az smooth and sweet az lie
and moiassis MKT together, and kan even
deliver lekturs all around the kuntry, but
one dose ov common sense would take all
the starch out ov them, and leave them
az limsey az the mex ov ded goslin.
The kondem phool IL the kauze ov
most all the truble thare IL in this world !;
he amt alwus malishus, but IL alwus a
phool.
divide the populashun ov the whole
world into 2 heaps and out ov respect for
the parable ov the virgins in the bible,
call ov them wiZe and Ov them phool-
ish.
1t is very easy tew be kondem phool !;
emmy boldly kan be one, and not suspekt
it.
Thare IL large invoice ov phools just
pressing upon the market, but the market
for them IL stiddy, the demand alwus be-
ing phull up tew the supply.
rekolekt Ov onst saying, upon men,
orabel ockashun, ii don't rekolek the oc-
kashun now,) God bless the phools, and
don't let them run out, for if it want for
them, the rest ov the world would be
bothered tew git a good living.
Among the list Ov prominent phools,
take the liberty to introduce the follow
ing:
The Professional Phool," one who
travels for living.
The 50 Wag Phool," one who is phool
on private ackount.
The "Bizzness Phool," one who either
Bulls or Bears everything in the market.
The Radikal Phool," one who kant
help it.
The Conservatiff Phool," one who
kan help it, but wont.
The 'Meek Phooi," one who sez he
prefers kodphish bawls to porterhous |
stakes, or even quales ON toast.
-, The F" Hipreshure Phool," one who,
like the hornet, alwus keeps mad in ad-
vance, so az tew be reddy for the ocka-
shun.
The Silly Phool," one who thinks !
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
A Good Reason.

A NEGRO minister who married rather
sooner after the death of his wife than
coming. conf o. @ excused himself as follows: -" Nv
dear brethren and sisters, my grief was
greater than | could bear. | turned every
way for peace and comfort butnon come
| searched the Scriptures from Ginisee to
Riverlations, and found plenty fpromises
to the widder, but nary one to the widerer
And so | took it that the good Lord didn't
waste sympathy on man when it was In
his power to comfort himself; and having
first rate chance to marry in the Lord
did so, and would do so again. Besides
brethren, considered that poor Patsey
was just as dead as she would ever be-
q1Ioru
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
Skates in War.

Skating is an accomplishment, but like
many other accomplishments, can some.
times be put to practical use. Indeed
while it amuses the boys and girls, il
gives them wholesome exercise, makes
the muscles supple and strong, and deyel-
ops a natural grace and ease of motion.
More than this, journeys-and long Jour
neys, too-have been made on skates at a
rate of speed unknown before the days of
railroads. Some very good skaters have
been known to keep pace with railway
train for a short distance; but steam, of
course, wins in the long run.
Nothing would seem more unlikely
than that the art of skating should be
made useful in time of war for military
purposes and now that railroads have
covered the country everywhere in the
northern temperate zone, where wars are
| likely to occur, it is very possible that not
regiment of soldiers will ever again be
mounted on skates. Nevertheless what
has happened may happen again, and this
delightful winter sport may some time
make many a boy of the present day one
of an army of conquerors instead of SOL
der in a defeated army.
The most noted instances in history of
the use of skates in war occurred almost
exactly two centuries ago. When the
French invaded Holland in 1872, the
Dutch opened the dykes and flooded
large portion of the country with water.
The winter closed in, the weather became
very cold, and great part of Holland was
covered with CLASSY sheet of ice.
The Duke of Luxembourg, who com
manded the French, took advantage of
this. Being in possession of Utrecht, he
placed a large body of his men on skates,
and accompanied by force of freshly
shod cavalry, he proceeded toward the
Hague. If he had been able to take that
place, Holland would probably have sur
rendered to France and been joined to
that kingdom.
But this stratagem, brilliant though it
was, failed. He took several places on
the way, but before lie could reach the
Hague there was change in the weather.
A sudden and rapid thaw threatened him
with the fate of Pharaoh and his host.
Greatly and properly alarmed for the fate
of his army, he turned about instantly,
and the riding and skating French army
got back to Utrecht just in time to be
saved.
They would have all been destroyed, in
spite of their prompt retreat, if it had not
been for the cowardice of the Dutchman
who commanded certain fort. This
fort, if it had been held, would have cut
off the retreat of the French, but its
commander ignominiously ran away. So
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
The Atmosphere of spring.

With every change of sea.on we have change
in the hygienic character of the air In the spring
impregnated, especially in low lying, wet dis
tricts, with mephtic vapors, which generate chills
and fever, rheumatism, indigestion, biliousness
and diseases of the organs of respiration. 1t Is
therefore particularly necessary this time of the
year to invigorate and regulate the system to
enable 1t TO repel the morbid influences 10 which
1t is more or less subjected. The stomach should
be toned, the bowels freed from distractions, the
blood purified, and the braced and strength
ened. This can easily be done. Hostetter's Stom.
ach Bltters are everywhere procurable; and in the
whole range of remedies and preventives pre-
scribed by the faculty recommended through
the press, there is not one that combines in such
an eminent degree great efficiency and perfect
harmlessness. 1t is positive antdote to malaria.
Whoever takes 1t habitually may breathe the at
mosphere of the worst fever and ague locality
without danger. Damp and chilling winds make
little or ne impression on the organization REIN
forced with this powerful vegetable inyigorant,
and consequently 1t is good safeguard against
asthma, coughs, colds, and other pulmonary COM
plants. 1t is not recommended as remedy for this
latter class of maladies, but simply as means Of
STRENGTHENING the system against the nrial con-
ditlons and changes which so often produce them.
AS a spring invigorant and Alternative 1t will be
found extremely beneficial to persons who are
peculiarly sensitive to unhealthy atmospheric in
huences.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

that each could see the undignified and
grotesque effect on the others, they ap.
peared to be exceedingly humiliated and
dishieartened. But they are @ described as
some even jostiing and crowdlng the 9th
ers in their eagerness to be first. AS they
assembled the scaffold the death song was was
started, and when they had all got up the
noise of their deep, swelling voices was
fearfully impressive.
When the scaffold fell and left the thir-
ty-eight bodies dangling in the air, several
of the condemned were seen endeavoring
to clasp each others hands. One young
fellow managed to get a cigar under his
white cap, and smoked it to the last. The
Indians respited by President Lincoln
were taken to an island in the Mississippi
near Davenport, where they were closely
confined for year, after which they. were
transferred to barren reservation in an
extremely cold region, where they were
turned loose to freeze or starve.-N. n
Sim
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

On what a tritling matter great results
sometimes hang Some merchants, while
travelling, were overtaken by a storm, and
kindled fire on the sands of the sea shore
to warm themselves and cook some food
They used for fuel plant they found in the
neighborhood. Next morning they saw
some shining particles among the ashes, and
an examination showed that the ashes of the
plant combined with the sand had produced
a hard, yet transparent, solid. This was the
origin of the discovery of glass. So with
Buchu. The lIottentots had for years used
the leaves of the plant in theirrude practice
As soon as the resident English and Dutch
physicians found out its value, the knowl.
edge of its virtues soon spread over the ell
tire civilized world. PARKER's COMPOUND
FLUID EXTRACT BUCHU possesses all the
virtues of the plant, in highly concentrated
form, combined with IVA Ursi, Juniper Bcr
ries, Cubebs and Acetate of Potassa, al
united in such rare proportions rs TO Obtain
the proper medicinal effect of each, while
neither too much predominates. Sold by al
druggists, everywhere.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

In use are ugly, and the drawing-room or
palace species peculiarly so, from the fact
that they make an ambitious attempt at
beauty. But in these cars we see an i'm
provement on the singularly barbaric
taste for display with which the internal
ornamentatfon of the river steamboats,
first made us familiar. Visions of hap
py future, in which the American public
will cease to prefer dirty lace to clean
linen, ten unnecessary mirrors to one that
is needed, twenty inharmonious colors to
one simple and pleasing effect; when
bridal chambers shall be things of the
past, and the New York stoop-but let us
not be nguine.-GdldTy for ApriL.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
Blood Will Tell.

No lady wishes to have it said that she
looks pale and emacated and she need not,
for she can have rosy checks, bright eyes
and a healthy appearance by the occasional
use of Maguire's Cundurango Bitters, the
greatest blood purifier eXtant; also acts spe'
cialy on the bowels, liver, kidneys and stom.
ach, promoting II healthy circulation of the
blood and effects the restoration of color and
appearance in natural way without re
course to poisonous cosmetics.-Sf. LoUiy
Globe.
Send for Circular to j. &. C. Mcguire
Chemists and Druggists, st. Louis Mo-, ant
see testimonials
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

CoNsUMPTIoN.-For the cure of this dis
tressing disease there has been no medicine
yet discovered that can show more evidence
of real merit than Aliens Lung Balsam.
This unequaled eXpectorant for curing con-
sumption, and all diseases leading to it, such
as affections of the throat, lungs, and all dis
eases of the pulmonary organs, is introduced
to the suffering public after its merits for the
cure of such diseases have been fully tested
by the medical faculty. The Balsam is, con.
sequently, recommended by physicians who
have become acquainted with its great sue
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

All suffering from Irritation Of the Throat and
HoarseneSS will be agreeably surprised at the
almost immediate relief afforded by the use
of Br0l0n's bronchial ZrOckeS'
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

him.
The "Wize Phool," one who thinks
he knoze all things and luvs everybody.
And four thousand, numbered and 36
other distinkt kinds ov phools, which
haint got the pashunce tew elucidate now.
Josh Billings.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

in this short campaign, the history of the
entire world might have been changed by
the use of skates Youths' Companion.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

LUNG COMPLAINTS, BRONCHITIS, ASTHMA, &c.
are speedily relieved, and if taken in time, per-
manently cured by DR.. Jayne's EXpectorant.
and Colds
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

OLD lingering cases of Fever and Ague are Just
ent cure is immediate. EV cry druggist keeps them
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

Hest and Oldest Family medicine.-San-
Jords LiueT IUigoTdtor-a purely Vegetable Cdhartc
and Tonio-for Dyspepsia, Constpati Debility,
Sick Headache, Bilious Attacks, and all derange-
ments of Liver, Stomach and Bowels. Ask your
Druggist for It, Belrare Of limitations.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
CANyASSING BOOKS SENT FREE FOR
Prof. FOWLER'S GREAT WORK

On Manhood, Womanhood and their Mu-
tual Inter-reiations; Love, Its Laws, Pow
er, etc.
work day and we send a canvassiDg book free
TO any book agent. Address, stating experience,
etc, NATIONAL PUBLISHING CO., st. Louis,
Mo,
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
For Boys & Girls.

WHEN writing to advertisers please mention ths
w name of this paper.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27

1aJe PHOTOS, 5 Superb Beauties, 25 cents,
~ E. A. STRAIT, Stephentown, N. Y.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-02-27
a New
Wonder.

"A nm EV Made rapfdly with Stencil & Key Check
ticulars FREE. S. NJ sPENORR, III Hanover St. Boson
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
ANOTHER PRACTICAL JOKE.

Crowds Gather ON Broadway to See
Professor CAntell A. Biglie Bound
Into Space and arc DIsappointed-
Incidents and Scenes Among the
Sightscers.
At about three O'Clock yesterday afternoon, as
the brokers were coming up from Wall street,
Broadway presented a lively scene. On the cor
ners of Wall street. Pine street and as far down as
Exchange place, on Broadway, crowds OF people
had assembled to witness the flight OF Professor
Cantell A Biglie Of Wisconsin, who was announced
to fly about and around the pinnacle Of Trinity 10
q place not specified.
Some OF the dupes were loud in their protesta-
lions that the Professor would fly to New Jersey,
where lunch had been prepared for him, While
others maintained that he would light on one OF
the tombstones In Trinity graveyard. At about
hafpast three the crowd became so large that the
policemen had to clear the sidewalk. But the
crowd went to see the bird and they only moved
or to move on again. 1t is needless to say that the
who'd thing was grand hoax and the would-be
spectators were disappointed About THIS time the
young bloods who were steering the job came out
on the street and the sport began. Every one was
inquiring where the man was to fly n0m-on the
north SOUTH east west side 7 young broker,
with high plug hat and diamond pin, now came
the question answered that he tine Professor) was
now on the southwest window or the steeple. I'M
medate!y there was rush down Broadway, In
III the left-handed orisens OF the in
dividua with dilapdated chapeaus were eflicacious
the learned professor and the crowd would
have taken q trip into the bowels OF the earth,
where the Fahrenheit thermometer indicates
infinite in1nity Of 'ninetesn instead OF heaven
ward. When the crowd arrived at Exchange
place there was nothing to be seen but the sombre
outside OF the steeple, and much dissatisfaction
was manifested. In about three minutes three or
fsur OF the practical jokers, who had stationed
themselves in Exchange place, started on run up
toward Pine street, and the crowd followed In hot
Although again confronted by disappointment
their ardor was not TO dampened: the jOkers gave
them few more trets, and then the little game
busted, the operators retiring well satisfied with
their afternoons work but some OF the crowd,
still hopeful, fingered until night dimmed their OPP
tics.
The circulars which were distributed in the city
were also sent TO many OF the adjacent towns in
New Jersey, Long Island and Staten Island with
"R S. v. p" upon them. This little invitation
was answered by many gullible farmers III person,
who declared with much chagrin. that New York
lYinn hole creation.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
THE ROCHESTER, DISASTER.
Only One Body Recovered-The Number
Lost still a NJ ystery-An Active Search
Being Made for Additional Bodies.
ROCHESTER, n. Y, April 0, Il

ROCHESTER, n. Y, April o, 1873.
The BODY OF one OF the lost OF last night Is re-
ported found at Hanfords Landing, contrary to all
expectations.
1t is impossible to tell how many were lost by
the accident 1t will take several days to deter
mine.
William Pratt, aged fifteen; Fayette Taylor, aged
twenty-six, and Harry German, aged eighteen,
John McDermott, twenty, and other names are
rumored as being among the lost, but not known
certainly.
Search is being made for the bodies at the scene
OF the calamity. but none have yet been recovered.
Men have been at work all day graphing for
the bodies supposed to be in the Hooded base
ments, but nothing was brought to the SUI
face save q hat and an umbrella. The
latter article has proved not to be the one held by
the drowned youth when the accident happened
One OF those who escaped states that two
or three strangers In the city were among
the number thrown into the water. A
moment before, as they saw the damage the flood
was doing, he heard them say, '.Gad we don't live
IN Rochester, IL Is believed those persons failed
10 struggle from beneath the falling tinbers and
the topping walls.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
WEATHER REPORT.
WAR DEPARTMENT, !
OFFICE or THE CHIEF SIGNAL OFFICER,
WASHINGTON, April l0-l A. M.

synopsis J0r the Past Tlcenty.four Hours.
The storm centre that was on Tuesday night ae
indiana has moved northeast beyond our
stations. minor depression that was proba-
ply In East Tennessee has moved northeastwardl
as pretty extensive local Storm ana Is now APP
parentiy central over Delaware Bay. The barome.
ter has risen during Wednesday over New Eng.
land, with increasing easterly winds, threat
ening weather and light rains The area
or warm southwesterly winds, after being
circumscribed to within Virginia and North
Carolina, has now apparently disappeared.
Rising barometer, falling temperature and west
erly winds increasing TO brisk, prevail on the
South Atlantic csast; clear weather and light
winds, with failing temperature and rising barom-
eter prevail in the Gulf States and nortnward to
the Ohio Valley. Great and brisk southerly winds
have been reported from the the extreme
Southwest, where they apparently still continue,
but with diminishing force. Northeasterly winds,
with ram on the lever lakes are now followed by
westerly winds and rain on Lake Ontario, and by
southwest Winds partly cloudy and clear weather
on Lake Erie.
The lowest barometer moves northeastwarf
along the East Atlantic coast to Cape Cod; for
New England, on Thursday, eastery winds, cloud
and rain, followed in the evening BY northwest
winds and clearing weather; for the Middle States
falling temperature fresh to brisk westerly WINDS
clearing and clear weather; for the South Atlantic
States rising barometer, light winds and clear wea
Their for the Southern States rising barometer south
and southwest winds and generally clear weatherS
for the lake region diminishing Winds rising
barometer, clear clearing weather. CautiOnary
signals continue at Duluth, Milwaukee, Chicago,
Grand Haven, Detroit Toledo, Cleveland.
sg Sos Ss%es %snds oe Eesq aeG
Haven New York, Cape May, Baltimore and Nor
folk.
Midnight reports are missing from the upper
lakes and the Northwest.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
THE GENESEE VALLEY INUNDATED.
Valley Canal Damaged to a
Great Extent.
Easements Filled with Water in Roches-
ter-A Man Nearly Drowned.
Railroad Travel Suspended in
New York State.

ROCHESTER,, April 0, 1873
Ii has been raining hard here all the afternoon
and evening, and also up the valley. Specials from
Mount Morris say that the river is higher and still
raining, and warning us to prepared Tor any emer-
gency. The Easements OF the stores In Exchange
place, Mill and Front streets are filling with water
Large sections OF the towpath and banks OF the
Valley Canal, seven miles south OF this city, are
washed out and the river Is lowing in There Is n
reported break In the same canal at Rapids, one
mile south OF the city.
The river is rising here and the canals through
the city slowly filing. There are fears that the
lumber from the yards In Exchange street will be
washed into the race and river tonight obstruct-
ing the arches OF the bridges.
Heavy damage is reported at Mount Morris 10 the
canal there and the vicinity. Gangs OF men stand
ready to cut the banks OF the canal south
OF the city when necessary to let the
water now into the river. Merchants In
the central part OF the city are removing goods to
places OF safety.
Avon Genesee and Mount Norris say that the
river Is rising fast. Great alarm Is felt here, and
there are apDrehensiOns or o more diStrous flood
than occurred by the one in 1885. All the freight
trains are abandoned east OF here on the central
and Erie railways to-day. The tracks are sub
merged near the Clyde but not washed out.
The waste weir, near the weighlOckn the canal
FEEDER, has gone out, and the river Is flowing In.
man was nearly drowned in u house in Front
street this afternoon. and had to be taken TO the
hospital. Canal officials say the Valley Canal Is so
damaged rs to he beyond repair before the middle
OF the season of navigation.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
BANQUET TO MR.. CATTELL.

The Ex-senator Entertained In Phila-
delphia Before Proceeding to Europe
on Funding Business for the Govern
ment.
PHILADELPHIA, April Q, 1873.
Ex-senator Catte, who is about to depart for
Europe to assist in rounding the government
bonds, was entertained this evening at banquet
given by the presidents Of the Philadelphia national
banks at the Continental Hotel. Thomas Robins
OF the Philadelphia National Bank, presided, and
introduced Morton McMichael, who eulogized the
government for the appointment OF Mr. Cattell, and
predicted the success oil the mission he had under
taken.
In response to toast Mr.. Cattell made an elo-
quent speech, returning thanks for the compli-
ment. Speeches we're also made by Mr.. Littleton,
President Of the Select Council, Mr.. J. Russell
Thayer, Colonel Forney Mr. ID. Noblit, Ex-Gov-
ernor Pollock, Judge Thayer and others.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
DEATH OF A NEW YORK sTENoeRAPHER.
HARRIsBuRG. Pa. Anril Q. I

HARRISBURG, Pa. April 0, 1873.
Mr. Mason was one of the official stenographers
OF the Pennsylvania Senate. He retired last night
at about eleven O'Clock to his room AT the Locnel
House, complaining of an affection In the region Of
the heart, but without alarming symptoms, and
was found dead tins morning. IL - SUPPOSED that
he died from parays sis oil the heart
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-04-10
A BANK swINDLER WORKING INDIANA

EVANSVILLE, April Q, 1879
The Evansville National Bank was swindled out
OF 81 000 and the First National Bank out OF s2,as0
by forged drafts presented by a man giving the
name OF II. Henicke. who escaped with the money.