The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-10-10
HUMOROUS.

redbreast is "outshone by prlckoWj
and he might add that robin red6reast
is outhown by a brickoat,
when wicked boy Proleo'S
the bat.
One of Genl Jackson's corn-cob
mines Is TO be seen in Nashville. ANY
one who has access TO corn-crib can
make one of these pipes, and II ne ID
good at lying he can exhibit vauaOle
relic.
A Missouri woman recently eloPed,
leaving the following note to coGiort
the heart of her husband Dear
William-Good by Do not mourn ior
the children, for none Of them are
yours.
Warner, in his e" Backlog Studies,
saws there are still at empts made 20
bring up a family round register
but you might just rs well try TO bring
it up by hand as without the falylns-
point Of hearthstone.
A lady, showing TO n friend the
photograph of herself and husband'
was told that the gentleman's was mucn
the better likeness. "Yes, my dear,
she answered, "but then you know tna'
men are so very easy 20 catch.
A dyeing establishment in this city
has n mixture which is called the purple
dive. It is a strange coincidence that a
man who had a very sick dog the other
day expressed lis apprehensions IN pre-
cisely the same language.
The Danbury News fellow says
"The majority of women care but little
about suffrage. If the backs to car
seats could only be followed out 80 az
TO admit of their bustles tapping over,
the ballot might go TO thunder for all
they care.
"A John Bull, conversing with an
Indian, asked him if he knew the sun
never sets on the queens dominions.
"No " said the Indian. "Do you know
the reason why ?" asked John. Because
God is afraid 60 trust an Englishman IN
the dark, ," was the savages reply.
If an edge tool is so hard ~ 70
crumble, grind it on dry stone until
the edge turns blue it will then cease
to break, and the temper will generally
prove to be about right. Scythes aud
axes are sometimes too hard at tho edge
but if treated in this way will give no
further trouble.
If Columbus had put one dollar mt
interest, six per cent compound, when
he landed upon this continent, at this
time it would amout TO over 81, 600, ,OOO,-
600. If one of the pilgrims had put
| 5000 at six per cent. compound interest,
| to-day il would amount to enough TO
purchase the New England states Mt as
! sessed value.
CHUNKS OF WISDOM people
are like an egg, too Dhull tt themselis
| ,,,nxv thipcr algR
MISERY luvs kompany, but kant
bear kompetishun there amt nobody
but what thinks thare bile is the sorest
bile in markit.
To be a big man among big men, ~
what proves n mans karakter TO be a
bul-frog amung tadpoles don't amount
TO much.
What n blessed thing il is that we
kant 4" see ourselves as others see us );
the sight would take all the starch out
NV us.
Tbare is lots ov pholks in this wurld
who kan keep nine out ov ten OF the
commandments, without emmy trubble
at all, but the one that is left they kant
keep the small end ov.
FxDektashun is the child ov Hope,
and like its parent IL an arrogant brat.
Excentricitys are most alwus artyh-
shall. and the best that can be sed ov
them iz, they are quite az often the re-
suit ov diffidence as ov vanity.
If want tew git at the trew karakter
ov man, j study hiz vices more than
do hiz virtews.
Those who expekt tew keep them
selves pure in this life must keep their
souls bilemg all the time, like pot,
and keep all the time skimming the sur
face.
II don't do tew trust n man tew much
who IL alwus in a hurry, he IL like n
pissmire, whose heart and bones lays IN
hiz heels.
There il nothing so delishus tew the
soul ov man as an occasional moment
ov sadness ,-,---
Jealous people alwus luv themselves
more than they do those whom they are
Jealous ov.
Curiosity iz the germ ov all enter
} prises men dig for wOodchucks more
for curiosity than they do for wood
! chucks.
3 A fu branes in mans he'd are as
7 noizy rs shot in blown-up bladder.
8 The purest and best specimens oN
D human natur that the world haz ever
seen, or ever will see, hay BIN the VIZ
tewous heathen.
5 Men don't fail so often in this world
3 from want of right motives NJ they
| do from lack ov grip.
s There il only two men IN this world
t who never make eny blunders, and they
+ are yu and me, mi friend. -
e Yunp man, WI kant learn ennythinS
= by hearing yourself talk, put yH may
+ possibly bi hearing others.
| rVI-.. IlN
n whom VII kan bio up like bladder, snd
h then Xix them az high NJ yu plez.
d hay alwus notissed one thing, tha'
!, whom n cunning man burns his fnger
!, every body hollers for JOY.
% / sumtimes distinguish between tn
is lent and genius in this way A man o
, talent kan make a whissel out OF a pig
" tale. but IL takes n man OF genius
Is make the tale. L kant tell now whetne
;. a goose stands on one leg 80 much Y
3, rest the leg as TO rest the goose.
It wisb some scientific man would tell M
e all about this.
Ie had rather be n child again than
II be the autokrat of the world.
e, Thare is newmerous individuals u
K the land who look upon whit the
as haint got az the only things worth hR'
m ing. ,,-r -.,.,. -.
IS Thare is those who kant laff with IN
er punity if they amt stiil and souuI
to they amt nothing.
ly One man ov genius TO 81 thousan
in fonr hundred and AZ men ov talent
o. lust about the rite perproshun for aktV
at al Dizziness.
til Veentilashun IL a good thing, bT
when a man kant lay down and sleep !
10 aker lot without taking down lengtl
of fence to let the wind in he IL alt
=. Rether too airish.
ne think that a hen who undertak,
Ia tew lay 2 eggs a day must necessarlI
ed neplekt sum other branch ov bizzines
IN Thare il enemy a slip between
en- cup and lip" but not hah az menr
l@SC @ az thare ought tew be. -,
en- Rather than not hav faith IN enI
IL 4L;nc, on, willing few be Ecat 3 tim