The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1873-07-18
HUMOROUS.

SIC TRANsT-That across the ocean
WHEN Shakespeare wrote about pa
tience on a monument, did he refer t,
doctors patients d? No. How do yol
know he didn't? Because you Away
find them under a monument.
A NEW terror is added to dreams a,
the picnic season approaches. Wha
awful visions of piles of ham-sandwiche'
to be made, and legions of lost spoons
haunt the slumbers of women.
A MAN who fell into a vat of boiling
lard and got out alive, says it was moi
an unpleasant sensation after the first
moment, but he thought what mighty
queer-shaped doughnut he would make.
A FASHIONABLE young lady accidentIy
dropped one of her false eyebrows in
| her Opera-bOx the other evening, and
greatly frightened her beau, who, on
seeing it, thought it was his mustache.
a YOUNG man who prided himself on
his mental qualifications, once speaking
of the advantages of these, remarked,
'What is better than a good educa-
ton ?" Common sense, you fool
you," quickly responded one of his
hearers.
A PORTLAND man was caught fishing
for trout on another mans land the
other day; the owner demonstrated, but
retired in silence before the majestic
answer "Who wants to catch your
trout? I'm only trying to drown this
worm"
Two little girls were lately prattIing
together, and one OF them said, owe
keep four servants, have got six horses,
and lots of carriages; now what have
you got ?" With quite as much pride,
the other answered, "We've got a
skunk under our barn"
a YOUNG lady teacher in a Lawrence
Sunday-school caught boy smiling
last Sunday. Said she: ''What are
you smiling at, Johnny ?'' Nothing,
mum, p" was the answer. 'I know bet
ter, said the teacher severely; "now
tell me what it was" Johnny looked
frightened as he stutteringly said, "I
-I-s-see yer n-newspaper s-sticking
out num-" The teacher sat down sud
denly and arranged things.
The WOoDKoK.-The wOodkok IL ov
them kind ov birds who kan git up
from the ground with about az much
whizz, and about az bizzy az fire
cracker, and fly away as crooked az a
korkscrew. They feed on low, wet
lands, and only eat the most delikate
things. They run their tungs down
into the soft earth, and gather tender
and tiny food. They hav long, slen-
der bill, and a rich brown plumage,
and when they light on the ground VI
loose sight ov them az quick az yu do
Ov a drop Ov water when it falls into
mill-pond. The fust thing yu generally
see ov a wOodkok IL a whizz, and the
last thing IL a whirr. How SC many ov
them IL killed on the wing IL a mystery
to me, for it IL quicker job than
snatching pennys Oph a red-hOt stove.
I hav shot at them often, but / never
heard ov my killing one ov them yet
They are one ov the game birds, and
menny good judges think they are the
most elegant vittIes that wear feathers.
Josh Billings.
The PATRDaE.-The partridge IL
also game bird. Their game IL tow
drum on-a log in the spring ov the year,
and keep both eyes open, watching the
sportsmetl.
Patridges are shot on the wing, and
are az easy to miss az a ghost IL.
1t il phun enuff to see the old bird
hide her yung brood when danger IL
near. This must be seen it kant be
described and make emmy boldly believe
it.
The partridge, grouse, and pheasant
are cousins, and either one ov them
straddIe q gridiron natural enuff to hav
bin born thare.
Take a couple Ov yung patridges and
pot them down, and serve up with the
right kind ov chorus, and they beat the
ham sandwich yu buy on the Camden
and Amboy railroad 87i per cent.
hav eat theze lamenatble NJ Jersey
ham sandwich, and must say that pre-
fer couple ov bass-wood chips, soaked
in mustard-water, and stuck together
with Spalding's glue.-Josh Billings.