National opinion. [volume] (Bradford, Vt.) 1865-1874, 1873-11-07
The Modern Window Curtain.

The most exquisite article OF domes
tic torture, says the Danbury News, /,
the modern window curtain fixture
The curtain is uniformly OF cloth
with fat stick at the bottom, and !
ronnd stick at the top, and compli
Gated lot OF brass cogs and ratchets a,
the ends. 1t isn't much trouble 10 al
in the fat sticks, because they can bt
measured the right length on the floor
but il is getting the proper length ol
the round sticks. or rollers, that plavs
the mischief with q mans temper. W.
are not quite certain but that il could
be done without much bluster were a
mans wife to go of to the other end OF
tho town and stay there until the opera.
tion is over. She doesn't, however.
She keeps right close TO him, and en-,
livens the performance with such OBJ
servations as her judgment and expert.
ences teach her are best calculated ia
tnrn bis head. The window curtain is
generally put mp in the evening. This
is partly because the man has then more
time, and partly attributable to hrs de.
sire to put off the evil job until the last
moment. The first thing to be done is
to separate the parcels and borrow u
saw. Every family keeps it's own screw
driver (point broken) and hammer
(hapdle loose). You instipctively saw
the fiat piece first, because that is the
easiest, and afterward tit the rollers,
which is more difficult. Then the cur.
tain is tackled to the rollers, which keeps
turning over and breaking the tacks,
and catching your fingers under the
hammer. This done, you are ready to
plant your feet on the best cane-bottom
chair in the house, and put up the fix
tures. Here your wife says: "Well, if
| ever saw anything quite so idiotic
AS" III then get right down,
while sho starts for wooden article,
and by way of showing that you have
no feeling in the matter, you kick the
cane seat into the middle OF the room
Once mounted on the wooden chair, the
brackets are put up. To do this re.
gnires that you extend yours arms the
full length, and while in this condition,
with n couple of screws and the screw
driver in your mouth, the hammer in
one hand, the other hanging to the fix.
lures, and the curtain with the un-
wieldly roller across ' yolr shoulder, you
make the sekening discovery that you
have got nothing with which to punch
the hole for the screw.
Then you get down to the floor again
to remedy the defect, and find there is
nothing for that purpose but the advice
of your wife to drive the screw till il
sets. You mount again. She holds
the lamp so she can see if the woman
has cleaned the corners of the glass,
and as you have your mouth too full OF
hardware to articulats with any free
dom, you find yourself obliged to kick
her elbow to indicate that you actually
demand some of the fame to set the
screw. The artifce is lost upon her,
however, for likely as not, she will set
down the lamp to rub her arm. and ask
you what you mean. No one has yet
set bracket to curtain fixture with
)ut either dropping some of the imple-
nents, or remark we'll calculated to
,ngross the attention of the party hold
ng the lamp. The awful strain on the
rms, the wonderful vacillating humors
If the screws, the lncomprehensible |
mbecility of the screw driver, the OBJ
tinacy OF the roller, and the astonish-
ng perverseness OF your wife, who will
persist in moving the light at the wrong
ime, make putting up modern cur.
ain fixture the most subtle Of domes-
ic grievances. And when the curtain
3 finally up, and secured so it won't
all on your head when you touch the
tring, and You take hold to draw it
lp, the feeling You experience as it
Valtzes off to one side, and tries to
tand on its drunken head, and failing
{ that. settles right where it is, and
bstinately refuses to bulge either way,
as never been truly spalyzed. Weeks
fter, when you are leaning back in
our chair, engrossed in memories of
he dead past, that cnrtatn will sudden
Y come laundering down upon yon,
ansing you to spring ont into the air,
nd lifting yonr very hair almost free
rom the scalp.