The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-09-05
MI i S cell N G on s..
For The Agis aad InteAingencer
AUNT HEPSY AND HER PHOTOGRAPH.
BY NYCTAL0PS.

BYNYCTALoPS.
Well I've been an gone to the forty
grailer's at last. told Jedediah last fall,
after the huskin, that as soon as | could
scrape together enough eggs to pay the pic
ter man, was agoin to hev my likeness
took. SEE l to Jedediah, jed" sez /, "Im
goin over to the fortygratfer's some time an
git my picture took"
Sez he, "Hepsy, what on airth ar you
agoin to hev your picture took for 1t
won't do you any good, and I'll jest tell
one thing before you go any further, you
won't git any money from me to spend in
SIGH tool-trumpery ; thet's set down to-"
SEE |, Snow look here, Jed, I've bin
livin' in this world fur MORN sixty mean
thirty-four years, an haven't meyer he'd my
fortygratf took yit, an Pm bound to hev
it took even eff hev to sell my old speck-
led turkey gobbler to hev it did" guess
that settled him, fur he turned down his
specks an commenced to readin' agin.-
Jededah, ais was very mild and obedi-
ent man, an ais minds what say to him,
specially eff raze my voice bout an oktave
abuv a screach.
There's one thing about Jed, however,
which can't say really admire, an that
is his conbominable stingyness. Eff there
is one thing l detest MORN another it is
parsimonity. Now there's Jed, he's bin
goin to meetin' all his life, an never saw
him put but one ten cent note in the box,
when it was handed round, in all that
time, an that was counterfeit, an torn in
two in the middle, at that. With me now
it is quite different every body talks
about my liberosity.
Let's see where was at2 Oh yes, goin'
to the tortygraffer's Well, one evenin
got Jedediah to hitch up old Dobbin, an
takin' an atfectionate leave of him, q mean
Jed, not the horse,) l started. After goin'
a piece, turned around to see what Jed,
was dom, an there he was staring at me
with the most wofullest look l ever seed.
Sez l, "Jed, what in the name of all the
saints ar you a starin' al ?"
SEE he, "Hepsibeth, what in creation hev
you got tied onto your back2"
why" SEE l, that's what we call a
greashunbender."
"What on arth is that 2" SEE he.
"Why," seZ l, "that's new kind of fam
dangular arrangement that all ladies what
PEERLESS to move in the most selectest socie-
ties, ais wear. Don't you think it height
ems the effect z"
"Yes," seq he, II think it does, don't be
afraid to wear it, for there's no danger of
spelling your beauty; but whatever you do
don't let ennybody know you are the wife
of Jedediah Simpkins, Of Simpkinsville,
while you're gone, for if you do, they'll
think I've married a loonytick )" an so sa-
in he turned round an went off in the house.
If he hadn't been so quick to get in the
house, | would hev asked him to bring me
out w ebster's Underbridge Dictionary, so as
| could hev found out the meanin of that
word "loonytick," but he was too quick
fur me. The idea of their bein' sch a
word rs "loonytick" He must hev meant
lewnatic; but Jcd's edication ais was very
much neglected, specially his spellin'. Ell
there's one thing that shows off Il persons
knowledge MORN another, it is good spell
lin ais make it pint to spell WE'LL
How often do look back over my school
days an remember the pleasant times /
ais at the head of the class-that is most
alis and how well recollect when used
to put Jane Shocks Chat was the name of
the other scholar in my class) down to the
foot. studied hard and that accounts for
my eddication.
Well, as was sain,' again started for
the fortygraffer's this time thinkin'
wouldn't be bothered no more until !
reached that place. / was drivin' along
slow, mcditatin' on how my greashun bend
would look, an how / should fix myself to
take good picter, an so steady was my
mind fixed on the fortygratfer's, thinkin
bout my picter, that l didn't notice a deep
bank close to which was drivin,' and old
Dobbin bein' near-sighted, an not able
to see very well either, didn't notice it any
morn did, when all to once, some boldly
shot off gun so close to me that it made
my hair WHSLE an old Dobbin givin' q
snort an a plunge, tumbled headlong down
the embankment, takin' the wagon an me
with him an landin' in muddy pool be-
low, with me on top of the horse. an the
wagon on top of me, an it seemed as il
| Old Nick was after all of us. I hollered
fur help, and after had got mighty nigh
smothered young man with u gun on his
shoulder and partridge in his hand come
out of the bushes. When he saw me he be-
gin to grin like as if he thought il was
right funny to see me layin' underneath
that wagon watering in the mud, with
the horse kickin' an scrougin,' tryin' tc
get up, an so l SEE to him, SEE 1, "Young
man what ar you laffin' at 2" And SEE he
"Maam, beg your pardon; I didn't sec
you, was only latin at what sister Sal
sed the other day when Aunt Polly fell out
the upstairs window" SEE he.
"Oh what do care for what your sistei
Sail sed, or what any other mans sistel
Sail sed, but come here and help mo out
of this fix you've got me into, or I'll he,
you tooken up as vagegrampus, an as thu
lawyers say, give you 'requiescaticus II
puJlicoriomnibus, which is Latin for some
thin "sez l.