The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-01-25
Tron Ton Hoods AnnssL
How I Escaped Being Killed il a Duel
MARK TwAIS

TT0 TTIF WEII- I IITII IT Ut IVIIIWTTE TWITTT
tive Is that II - a true story. IL has r. moral NJ
the end Of it, but l claim nothing on that, as it
- merely thrown IN to curry favor with tie TeIig-
iyus element.
After / had reported a couple OF year= On the
Virginia Civ (Neyada) Daiig EnfsrDrIss. they
promoted me 20 be Observation-Disclosures | lasted
just n week, by the watch But l marie itan IN
commonly lively newspaper while | did lat, and
when retired hal a duel on my hands. and
three h~orse-whiPpings promised me The latter
] made NJ attempt 10 collect; however, this story
concerns only the former IL was the old = flush
times Of the silver excitement. when the popu-
latiOA was wonderfully wild and mixed; every
body went armed 70 the teeth. and all Sights and
insults had to be auDned for with the best article
Of blood YOUR system could furnish. In the
course Of my editing / made trouble with a Mr..
Lord, editor Of the rival paper. He flew up
about some little trihe OF other that I said about
him do not remember now what it was.
suppose | called him q thief, or a bOdy-snatcher,
or an idiot, Or smelling like that. / was obliged
20 make the paper readable, and | could not fail
IN my duty u a whole community Of subscribers
merely TO save the exaggerated sensItiyeness OF an
individual. Mr.. Lord was offended. and replied
vigorously in his paper. Vigorously means a
great deal when il refers 10 a personal editorial in
a frontier newspaper. Duelling wasa ali the fashion
among the upper classes IN thRt country, and very
few gentlemen would throw away an opportunity
~ fight one. To kill a person in r duel caused a
man TO be even more looked up to than to kill two
persons In the ordinary way. Well, out there, if
you abused u man. and that man did not like il,
you bad 10 call him out and kill him otherwise
you would be dIsgraced. So | challenged Mr..
Lord, and | did hope be would not accept; but |
knew perfectly well that ne did not want TO fight,
and 50 | challenged him i'm the most violent and
implacable manner. And then [ rat down and
suffered and suffered till the answer came. All
our bOys-the editors-were in our Office, help
ing me in the dismal business, and telling about
duels, and discussing the code with q lot Of aged
ruttans who had experience in such things, and
altogether there was Il loving interest taken in
the matter, which made me unspeakably uncOm-
Portable. The answer came-Mr. Lord declined.
Our boys were furious, and 80 was Ion the sur
face.
| sent him another challenge, and another and
another; and the more he did not want to Fight,
tine bloodthirstier | became. But at last the mans
tone changed. He appeared to be waking up.
IL Was becoming apparent that he was going to
fight me, after all. | ought to have known how
It would be-he was a man who never could be
depended upon. Our boys We're e~xultant. was
not. though | tried to be.
1t VAS now time TO go out and practice. 1t was
the custom there to fight duels with navy six
shooters at fifteen paces-load and empty till the
game for the funeral was secured. We went to
II little ravlne just outside Of town, and borrowed
a barn-door Tor a target-burrowed it of a gentle
nun who was absent-and we stood this barn-duor
up, and stood u rail on end against the middle of
49, ~ ANlANNhN III dIid put u cNudSh Ou top VI
the rail to represent his head. lie was a very
tall, lean creature, the poorest sort of material
Tor a duel-nothing but a line shot could . fetch -
him, and even then he might split your bullet.
ExaggeratiOn aside. the rail was, of course, a lit
tie too thin to represent his body accurately, but
the squash was all right. IF there was any in
tellectual difference between the squash and his
head, 1t was in favor Of the squash.
Well, | practiced and p~racticed ut the barn
door, and could not hit it; and | practiced at the
rail-, and could not hit that, and | tried hard for
the squash, and could not hit the squash. |
would have been entirely disheartened, but that
occasionally L crippled one of the boys, aud that
encouraged me to hope.
At last we began TO hear pistol-shots near by,
in the next ravine. We knew what they meant
The other party were out practicing, too. Then
| was in the last degree distressed for of course
those people would hear our shots, and they would
send spies over the ridge, and the spies would find
my barn-dOor without u wound or "A scratch, and
that would simply be the end Of me-for of course
that other man would Immediately become as
bIOodthITsty as | was. just at this moment a
little bird. no larger then a sparrow, flew by, and
Int on n sage-bush about thirty PAGES away; and
my little second, Steve ellis, who was 81 match
less marksman with n pistol-much better then |
was-snatched out his revolver, and shot the
birds head of! We all ran to pick up the game,
and sure enough, just at this moment, some Of
the other duellists came accommodating over the
little ridge. They ran to our group to see what
the matter was; and when they saw the bird,
Lords second said
That was a splendid shot. How far off was
it?"
Steve said, with some Indifference:
"Oh, no greatdistanee. About thirty PAGES"
Thirty PAGES! Heavens alive, who did it?"
MY man-Twain."
1.-The mischief he did! Can he do that often ~
"Well-yes. He can do it about-welI-
about four times out Of five"
| knew the little rascal was lying, but / never
said any thing. | never told him SO. He was
not of q disposition TO invite condolences of that
kind, so | let the matter rest. But it was q COM
TO see those people look sick, and see their
under-jaws drop. when Steve made these state
They went off and got Lord and took
him home; and when we got home, half an hour
later, there was a note saying that Mr.. Lord
peremptorily declined to fight.
1t was a narrow escape. We found out after
wards that Lord hit his mark thirteen times in
shots. If he had put those thirteen
bullets through me, it would have narrowed my
sphere OF usefulness a good deal-would have
we'll nigh closed it, in fact. True, they could
have put pegs in the holes, and used me for a hat
rack; but what is a hat-rack to a man who feels
be has intellectual powers? 1 would scorn such
l position.
| have written this true incident of my personal
history for one purpose, ara one purpose only
to warn the youth of theday against the pernicious
of duelling, and TO plead with them 10
against II. II the remarks ana suggestions L
am making can be of any service to Sunday
school teachers. and papers interested in the moral
of society, they are at liberty 10 use
them, and l shall even be grateful to have them
disseminated, 30 they may do as much
good as possible. was young and foolish when
| challenged that gentleman and I thought it was
fine and very grand to be q duellist, and
stand upon the s. field of honor" But | am older
md more experienced now, and am infexibly OPP
posed to the dreadful custom. am glad, indeed,
10 be enabled to lift up my voice against it.
blink 1t is a bad, immoral thing. / think it is
courage duelling. always DO now; discourage
L upon every occasion.
If a man were to challenge me now-now that
can fully appreciate the iniquity of that practice