Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1873-07-23
CllGord's Kicking Cow.


TERRIBLE EXPERIENCES WITH MILK pArL.
One evening, A. A. Clifford. the well
known commission man. found IL necesnrv
upon his return home after the close ofbusi-
ness and the Decoration exercise. 10 inter.
view his COW with milk pail "ChHp
does not ordinarily perform the manual or
mechanical work Of earning the milk for his
own tea, but on account Of the absence Of
the domestic to whom was usually assigned
this duty, the head Of the Clifford house con.
cluded TO "milk the COW on the evening
mentioned. He donned lady's apron aft.
er he had the pail we'll in hand, in order 10
give himself so far as practicable, the air Of
innocence which is presumed to be worn by
milk maids. "Cliff" smoothed down that
apron, arranged his back hair carefully, and
sailed gracefully in the direction of the sta.
bic where the COW was gently ruminating.
lie noticed on entering that she eyed him
suspicously, as though she saw the fraud in
VOWED IN that apron, but after using endear.
ing words in falsetto voice, the champion
mixer settled down to his work, the COW re.
celylng his advances with shy courtesy.
Cliiford's description Of subsequent events is
Of the most thrilling character lIealleges.
according to the best Of his Information and
belief, that before he had obtained half
pint of milk, the air seemed to be filled with
hoofs, tin pals, straw, hair and a general
collection ofincongruous material, as If there
had been nitro-glycerine explosion direct.
y underneath. lie took one despairine and
horfitod Elauoo - Tho siinafion and then be.
came obliyious to terrestrial things. When
he recovered consciousness he found himself
landed up against the side of the stable,
with section of the pail handle retained in
his grasp. the remainder Of the pail sent
through the stable window and lying COM
plete wreck some distance away. lie was
stifened by the shock, and his clothing was
uniquely irescOed with composition Of straw
aud stable refuse, with very small allow.
ance Of milk worked into il to soften the
compound and make it doubly adhesive.
When he discovered the ruin which had
been wrought, and found its cause quietly
engaged in selecting the best straws from
the pile before her, his anger knew no bounds.
Revenge must not be long delayed, and il
must be terrible. Clifford selected bis
most substantial whip, and he incontinently
" went for " that COW. The hagellation was
proceeding satisfactorily, with fair pros.
pect that the COW would be punished sever
ly for her misdeeds when another unlocked
for calamity occurred. Another cloud of
dust, straw and stable manure filed Clifords
end Of the stable-the whip was driven
through the weather-hoarding as if it had
been shot from gun, and the late milkman
who had tasted the sweets Of revenge, in
gloriously retired from the field, with his
fast swelling hand done up in that apron.
He says that milking is not his forte any
how, and his kind of a COW has no attrac.
tons for him. He further states tbathe will
not sell that COW, as he can utilize her in
contract for cutting streets through the Bur
bank Hill. If she can be backed into the
cut with a milk pail by her side, she will
kick her way from Fourth to Seventh street
in two weeks, and the only trouble will be
in keeping her excavations down to grade,
as she has a natural upward tendency.
Clifford was out the next day with a new
suit of clothes and badly swollen hand.
This brief sketch of the COW accounts for
them all. -Erchanqe.