Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1873-11-12
Sparks and Splinters.
"A 'hoc-dealer adveriiscs Womau's

W
Rights and Lefs."
Newer Kick q man when he's down,
lnless you are sure he can't z up.
--"N Guneu Aloud Here, is sign in.
ended for the information Of sporismen
lown in Maine
IF there are any more cough remedies
invented, we will have to 20 to work in
venting coughs for them
"A New York editor says sugar has
zone up so hiVh as to produce slight in.
crease in the price ofsaud.
"A medical writer hna lately asserted
hat "physic is the art of amusing the pa.
lent, while nature cures the disease"
1t is unkind to ridicue those items iu
he papers about centenarians II is no
'asv thing 10 become a centenarian-sev.
eral have failed.
"A Cincinnati man bought his wife two
thousand papers Of pins, the other day.
ile said he'd stop her jawing about pins, if
It took bis house and lot.
-" Arc you guilty or not guilty 2"osked
judge Of prisoner the other day. AN
.ure now, said Pat, "w what nre you put
here for but to fud that out2
A printer was boastng, the other day,
about his wonderful ability to Get type 81
know what you can't set" said comrade.
" What is it2" Two hens on one nest"
An Eogli.hmau came into one Of our
depo,s and inquired of brakeman Does
This train 90 to H'Evansion2 -" No, said
the man Of the brake, This train goes to
IlEgin"
-" Mother, can 20 and have my
photograph iaken2' "No; | guess it
sn't worth while" Well, then. you might
let me 90 and have a tooth pulled out;
never 90 anywhere"
"A country girl coming f ON a morning
walk was told she looked us fresh as daisy
kissed by dew, to which she nuocently
replied, you have got my name right
Daisy; but his isn't Dete"
A story is told of one asking another
whether he would advise him TO leuda GER
tain friend money. "What, letd him
mouey You might give him au cmetic,
aud he would not return it."
How does that look, Ell r. said big
listed Wall street man to a friend, holding
up one of his brawny hands. That"
-aid the friend, " looks as though you had
gone short on your soap"
A charitable Cincinnati man keeps a
pair Of dogs chained to his front door, so
that poor people who stop to get "a bite
can be accommodated, without taking the
trouble to come in the house.
-' All, Jenny" said a sympathetic
friend to one who was just too late for the
train you didn't run fast enough" ayes
did" said Jenny; e" | ran fast enough,
but didn't start soon enough"
1t is now announced on the authority
Of that " eminent physician" that it is not
healthy to rise before eight O'Clock in the
morning. This applies only to men. Wives
rise at five and start the fire, as heretofore.
SAKE says that Vermont is famous for
four stapes-men, women, maple sugar
aud horses. The Grst are strong, the last
Aeet, the second aud third are exceedingly
sweet and all are uncommonly hard to beat.
-" See here, my friend, you're drunk"
" Drunk to be sure | am, and have been
for the last three years. You see, my
brother aud | are on temperance mission
He lectures, while set u frightful exam
pie"
What is that, children ?" asked young
pastor, exhibiting to his Sunday school a
magic lantern picture Of poor sinner
clinging to cross towering out Of stormy
: waves in mid.ocean. Robinson Crusoe."
was the instant reply.
The maddest man | ever saw was a
g poor fellow who had paid niue dollars and
quarter for an accident insurance ticket,
travelled three thousand miles by railroads
and steamboats,, aud returned home with
out being embraced by an accident.
"A Dutchman aud an Irlshnan once
met on a lonely highway. As they met
each smiled, thinking he knew the other.
Pat, on seeing his mistake, remarked:
" Faith, an thought it was you, an' you
thought 1t was me, an its nayther OF US"
There is man employed as porter on
railway who brags Of having watch that
keeps correct time. He was heard to re-
nurk, not many mornings since, upon
quilting out his watch - If the sun amt
over that hill in minute and half, he will
be late"
The St. Louis Democrat says; "Our
experience aud the history OF the past
eighteen centuries incline US to toe belief
that no matter how well you treat a shot
Gun, nor how you bring it up, it will bang
he stuili1g out Of you the first time it gets
2 chance"
49," Sir" said a little clustering man to
his religious opponent, " say, sir, to what
sect do you think belong7" "Well, |
don't exactly know replied the other,
e but to judge from your make, size aud
appearance, should say you belonged to
a class called insects"
A Christian brother was lately giving,
in religious meeting, the experiences Of
himself aud family, saying, amoug other
things, that his first wife was very good
woman, but she sickened aud died in
happy frame of mind aud he should rejoice
if his present partner would 60 just the
same way.
The Tycoon of Japan knows how to
start newspaper. He does not offer pre-
miums for subscribers, but, having taken an
interest in the publication Of a newspaper
at the japanese capital, he has issued an
order that all men of certain social and po-
/, litical standing shall take it or be beheaded.
! "A well dressed, and apparently intel.
Iigent lady, remarking to Il friend on the
I vastne-s of the meeting Of the Alliance,
e said " 1t must take great deal Of money
, IN entertain them. [ don't believe they