American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-05-03
The Cursid MusketO.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.


BY JOSH BILLINGS.
DEAR SMITH:-Yure letter kane safe
unto hand last mite hi mail, and hurry
| tew repli.
The best musketers now in market are
| raised near Bergen Point, in the dominion
ov NJ Jersey. ...T
They gro fhare very spontaneous, and
| the market for them IL very unstiddy-
the CRATE supply Injuries the demand.
Two hundred and fifty to the square
inch liz considered a paying krop, altho
they often beat that.
They don't require emmy missing, and
the poorer the land the bigger the yield.
If it want for musketers j don't knO
what sum people would do thare tew git a
living, for thare liz a CRATE deal ov kulti-
waited land thare that wont raiZe emmy
thing else at profit.
The musketer liz short-lived bug, but
don't waste emmy time; they are alwuss az
reddy for biZzness az pepper sass IL, and
kan bite 10 minutes after they are born
just az t1uently az ever.
Thare liz people in this world so kon-
trary at heart, and so ignorant, that they
wont see enney wisdum in having muske-
tiers around; alwus pity sutch pholks-
their edukashun haz been sorely neglekted
and aint level.
Wisdum liz like duk's eggs-if WI git
them, WI hev got to s;rch for them-thare
aint no duks in theZe benighted days that
will cum and la eggs in yure hand-not Il
duk, Mr.. Smith, not duk.
The musketo liz a soshal insex; they liv
very thick amongst each other, and luv
the society Ov man also, but don't kon-
tract emmy Ov hiZ vices.
Yu never see a musketer that was a de-
faulter; they never fail to cum to time, al
tho thousands looZe their lives in the eff
fort.
The philosophers tell us that the mus
keeters who can't sing won't blight; this
information may be ov CRATE use to sci
ence, but amt worth mulch to phellow
in a hot mite WHARF muskeeters are plenty.
If thare amt but one muskeeter out Ov
ten that can bite good, that liz enuf to sus-
tain their reputashun.
The philosophers are alwuZ tellin us
sumthing that liz right smart, but the only
plan they kan offer us tew get rid ov our
sorrows liz to grin and bear them.
They kant rob one single muskeeter ov
his stingger by argument.
The muskeeter IL the child ov circum-
stansis in one reSpekt-he kan be born, or
not and liv, and die Il square deth in a
lonesome marsh, 1000 miles from the
nearest nabor, without ever tasting blood,
and be happy all the time; or he kan git
hole, and take his rashuns reglar, and sing
sans Ov praZe and glorificashun.
1t don't kost muskeeter mulch for his
board in this world; if he kant find emmy
boldly to eat he kan set on blade OF
swamp meadow grass and liv himself TO
deth on the damp fog.
The muskeeter is "A gray bug and haz
legs, a bright eye, a fine busst, sharp
tooth and reddy wit.
10
his customers, and alwus lights onto
baby ftlst if there il one on the premises.
l positively fear muskeeter.
In the dark, still mite, when every thing
liz az noizeless az a pair of empty slippers,
to hear one at the further end ov the room
slowly but surely working hiz way up to
WI, singing that same hot old sissing tune
ov theirs, and barking to feel the exackt
spot on yure face WHARF they intend tew
Iokate IL simply premeditated sorrow tew
me; had rather look forward to the time
when an elephant was going few step onto
me.
The musketo haz no friends, and but
phew associates; even a mule despizes
them.
But hav seen human beings who want
aktually afraid ov them; hav seen pholks
who had rather have muskceter lite onto
them than to have trakt pcddlar lite
onto them; | have seen pholks
who were so tuff aginst anguish that
muSkeeter mite lite onto them emmy WHARF
and plunge their dagger in up tew the hilt
in vain.
L envy these people their moral stamina,
for next tew being virtewous would like
few be tuff.
This life IL phull ov pesky muskeetos,
who are alwus looking for job, alwus
reddy few silk II thisscll into yu sum
WHARF, and sing while they are doing it.
Dear Mr.. Smith, pardon me for saying
so mulch about the cursid muskeeto, but
ov all things on this arth that travel, or
set still, for devitry, thare aint emmy bug,
emmy beast, or emmy beastess, that dred
more, and luv less, than do this same lit
tie gray wretch, called cursid muskectcr.
". Y. Weekly.