Fayetteville observer. [volume] (Fayetteville, Tenn.) 1850-1966, 1873-11-13
Three Men who ought to
have a Leather Medal.
By Proxy.


house. No matter whether eny
one in the family can play it or
not, the piano mnst be setup, and
appear as an evidence OF the
gentility Of the family. Feeling
convinced that the West would
present a first class field for the
sale of pianos, | went into the
business, some time ago, and be-
came agent for Somebody & Co S
Unrivaled Pianos. / went into
the western part of Missouri, and
canvassed around among the
farmers, and Indians, with fair
success among the farmers, but
the Indians were not civilized E.
nough to invest in something they
could have no possible use for.
To three different men who had
ambitious wives and come.outable
daughters, but who had never
heard piano, / sold instruments.
Then feeling that | could loaf a.
round the rest of the year ON the
proceeds of my commission, [ re-
turned home, leaving the pianos
to be shipped to the purchasers by
Somebody & Co. | was pretty
well convinced that those families
had no more use for those pianos
than an elephant would have for
larger feet, but it wasn't my busi-
ness to labor very hard TO show
them this, and | pocketed the
commission with my usual sereni-
lty in such matters. But really
| did not imagine that | had
struck such a nest of consummate
honest fools as the following let
ters will bear witness to.
| had been home about two
weeks when the first letter, from
John Knowall came to hand.-
Here it is exactly as the honest
idiot wrote it:
''mr proxy agent you're frod.
that pianer is bigger irod than
what yu air which is impossible
you sed the thing wud be in a
rosewood frame with carved fix
ins an I'll be cussed eff kant take
my hammer and Jack plane an
make a better an butifier frame 10
times over. mite a knowd it tho
that such a piovs lookin agent
as you was the wust ford in the
bizines. why, cuss yu, the ele-
CANT frame is nothin but a big
pine box and the meanest kind Of
pine at that. who wants to hang
up such frame2 the darned thing
would moran cover the whole
side of the room. | want yu to
refund my muny or there'll be a
dead agent without eny elegant
zine frame either now i meme
bizines and you'd better tend to
it an save damages yu can have
the frame by sendin for it.
"P. S. my wife an dotter is
madder than am an when tina git
mad it IL red hot.
81. KNowALL."
That letter bewildered me-
The woodenhead didn't know e.
nough to open the box in which
the piano was shipped! In the
name Of boarding. around school
ma'ams, was such benightedness
possible? | wrote him a gentle
letter, which in a measure ex-
pressed my feelings, instructing
him to take his hammer and Jack
plane and disscct that "frod,"
The nextday got another let
ter, from another OF the ambitious
purchasers. Read it, and cease to
wonder that | have gone out of
the piano business:
Mr.. Proxy, Dear Sir. The
piano arrived in good shape, and
at first seemed to be all you said
4 it would, and more to. We got
1t up, and sent all over the town.
ship for the neighbers to come and
hear it play. Five came in the
fist evening, and they all staid
till nearly Morning, waiting for
the piano to commence, but il
didn't. They went home dis
gusted, and My wife says you are
a swindler. l hated to believe
that Of such pious looking agent
as you are, and l have now been
watching with the piano for three
days and nights but without sue
cess Not a single tune has 1t
played. With this exception the
instrument More than satisfies me.
Please let Ne know what's the
matter at your earliest conven-
icnce.
"Doubtingly yours,
"JoB GUNBAGE."
Whv didn't this natient idiot