Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-02-21
HUMOROUS.
Burning Fluid-Hot whiskey

burning rlulu-tOt NnlSkeN.
A Chicago man ate ten dozen eggs on a
wager last week. The money he won has
been paid to his widow.
An acquaintance of ours called US an old
sheep the other day. lie probably came to
that conclusion from the lamm We gave
| him
\ man out in Kansas said he could drink
quart of Cincinnati whiskey. and he did
it. The silver mounting on his coffin cost
Sl3.75.
A gent upon slipping down pair of stairs
on his back, thereby running a fashionable
coat, declared he never yet found anything
profitable in backsiiding.
Mrs Gwin of Davenport, assisted the
kitchen fire one day last week with the kero-
sene-can. The heavy Sain kept good
many people from attending the funeral.
The reason an urchin gave for being late
at school Monday, was that the boy in the
next house was going to have dressing
down with bed cord, and he waited to hear
him howl.
\ ioppish fellow complaining to 4 wit that
his head felt very queer, inquired what he
would put in 1t 10 make 1t all right .?
'' Nothing but bullet, my dear fellow, "
answered the wit
The following Is the most startling com
poSitor'S ' line 10 fill out 4 column" we
have seen for scme time Does not a
young mothers heart leap 18th with JOY
when she beholdS her darling babes lSt
2th?"
\ man who had met 4 few friends, after
wards took a walk. The pavements were
quite icy, and he exclaimed " Very sin
gular whenever water freezes, it always
freezes with the slippery side up
DR.. Bellows was less ANNOYED by hearing
the English walters on the d" Java call
prunes pruins. than by the remark Of an
American passenger, who spoke Of Colum-
bus rs ' diamond in an oasis, who scared
above all his contemporaries
\ friend visiting in a minister's family,
where the parents were very strict in regard
to the children's Sabbath department. was
confdentially informed by one Of the little
girls that ''She. would like to be minister
Why inquired the visitor, rather
puzzled to understand what had given the
child 50 sudden an admiration for that call
ing. She was quickly enlightened by the
prompt reply. - So | could holler on sun
day
Our city sexton. Mr.. Joseph Nicely, may
be found at all times during the day ut his
office, corner of Pullen and Heekatoo streets.
All persons making application for burial
must first register their names with the
city sexton. Any person violating this Will
be subjec, to fine. Pine Bluffs (Ark.)
Paper
Dr. Evans is the famous American dem
tist in Paris. When he pulls a tooth for a
cockney Englishman. the cockney salutes
him, d" Great Evans 80
- How does that look. eh2" said a big
listed Wall street man to a friend, holding
MP one of his brawny hands - That, -
said his friend, &c looks as though you d
gone short on your soap
\ charitable lady sent one OF her last
year 5 dresses 10 destitute woman. She
was somewhat surprised to have 1t returned
with the statement that " 1t was too full
behind for the present style. and " would
she take breadth out and change the trim
ming?'
4 lady in Fort Wayne with fancy for
anniversary celebrations, has inyi tatiOns out
for a novel entertainment. On one and the
same evening she celebrates herfilyer, cryS-
tai and tin weddings. 1t was such a charm
ing coincidence and everything was going
TO be so nice, and now her first and second
husbands-diyorced-a going to spoil all
pleasure of the evening for her by refusing
70 come Some men are 50 unreas enable.
In one of the earliest trials beforea color
ed jury in Texas, twelve gentlemen Of color
We're told by the judge to retire and '' find
a verdict They went to the jury room.
The sheriifs and Others standing outside
heard the opening and shutting of drawers,
the slamming of doors, and other sounds OF
unusual commotion. At last the jury came
back into the court, when the foreman rose
and said - We have looked eyerywhar, in
the drawers and behind the do, and can
find no verdic' Ii warn'nt in the room.