The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1873-11-15
FLeGibLe,S Seren0de.

From the Bloomfield (Pa.) Times.
Mr.. Paul Flexible was gentle, generous,
amiable, industrious possessed, in short, OF al
most every virtue under heaven, but sadly de-
ficient in energy, seli-reliance, and moral cour-
age. He required strong will to lean upon,a
daring spirit to counterbalance the weakness Of
his own. AS in love, so in friendship, men
seek their opposites. Likes do not agree to-
gether. Brutus and Cassius had a row. You
never see two fat men fraternlze-their emo
nads" are antagonistic. streak OF tat and
streak of lean usually go together. Friendship
is like punch-it. must contain acid as well as
saccharine qualities; all of which goes to ac-
count for the fact, that the mild and cautious
Mr.. Paul Flexible selected for his .tfdus AchGles
the headlong and dogmatic Horace Fertile.
They were clerks together in the same store;
II went into business on their own account
1ame time, though not in partnership
HS e lent Paul his advice, and Paul endorsed
Horace's paper. Flexible prospered in busi
ness better than Fertile, for his native caution
was a safer guide than the others rashness.
But Flexible always spoke of Fertile as his
"best friend" And it was his 'best friends"
advice which led him to marry Miss Melinda
Agate, an elderly young lady, with long straw
colored curls, a sharp nose, and an indepen
dent property as we'll as will OF her own. Fer
tile rather regretted his counsel, when the hon
eymoon being over, Mrs. Paul L. put an end to
her husbands smoking, the only "small vice"
he had, and interdicted the use of tobacco to
all his friends and acquaintances. He attempt
ed dining there once or twice after the "happy
event." but cold mutton and colder looks threw
him back on his bachlor dinners at Parker's.
Still the friendship continued, and in any di-
lemma Paul always had recourse to his old GRO
ny, rather than make confdant of his wife.
One night, not great while after the happy
event which made Flexible the most miserable
dog in existence, he was awakened about twelve
30 huf ba Of in ha
street before his house-nay, under his very
windows. "Oft in the Silly night was played
in very noisy manner by full band. Then
came song and chorus with many references
to "happy pair" "hearts and destinies uni
ted," &c.
"They can't mean us p thought Paul, with
sigh. There was pause and then the musi
clans, taking breath, poured forth another
strain. There was no mistake about it now
the Apollo band were serenading Mr.. and Mrs.
Flexible. Flexible was preparing to spring
out of bed.
"What are you going to do now?" asked Mrs.
Flexible.
"Ask 'em in and give 'em something to eat
and drink" replied Flexible
"Give 'em something to eat and drink ejac
ulated Mrs. f., snappishiy. They'd eat and
guzzle you out Of the house and home, II you'd
let em. If you've got any spunk, you'll call
the watch and throw pitcher of water on 'em !"
"Mrs. F.,' replied the gentleman, with some
faint show of resolution, 81 think know what
the rites of hospitality and the usages of sOcie-
ty demand. shall prepare some refreshments
for them"
"Go to sleep, and don't make fool OF your
SELF" retorted his better half. cor ask 'em in
if you please-they'ell get nothing in this
house-for everything locked up, and the keys
are where you won't get 'em in hurry"
With smothered groan, poor Paul buried
his head in the bed-clothes, that he might shut
out the dulcet sounds of the wretched musi-
cians They played and played-louder and
louder-till their energies were nearly exhaust
ed, and then the instruments seemed
to supplicate admission and reward. i: >
in vain, however-Mrs. F. was inexorable.
The next day Paul narrated the whole occur
renee to Fertile, and begged that he would apol-
ogize to the leader of the band.
"Dont be afraid, my boy" said Fertile
"I'll get you off-Ill save your reputation-let
me alone for taking care of my friends"
"But what can you say to Mr.. Tooter"
''That's my lookout. Make yourself perfect
ly easy. Yours till further notice. By, by,
Paul-love to Mrs. F."
In the course of day or two, Fertile en-
countered Mr.. Tooter, the leader OF the Apollos.
"Tooter, my dear friend, }" said he, "you know
you serenaded Flexible the other night"
eyes" said the musician, looking very grave.
"And you must have thought it rather queer
that he didn't ask you to wood up &C.. ?"
"Why,' said Mr.. Tooter, ''I must confess, l
thought it rather small of Flexible-and some
of our fellows were outrageous about it."
Certainly, certainly" said Fertile, "quite
natural they should be. Now the fact is--step
this way-I tell you in confdence-confdence
mind you--that Flexible was drunk that
night"
"Mr. Flexibe" exclaimed the leader, "I
never suspected him Of"
"Hush O Lord yes-so drunk he didn't
know himself from seventeen dollar bill
brought home by watchman-new- married
wife in Mysteries shocking scene-domestic
drama-truth stranger than felton, more things
in heaven and earth, Horatio--your philosophy
you understand-keep it to yourself"
Mr.. Fertile bowed himself away. The next
day, Paul met him.
"Well, Horace, have you seen the leader?"
80, yes-I made it all right took good care
of you, my boy--he won't think any the worse
OF you for what occurred"
'fMy best friend--a thousand thanks!"
"Nonsense, man--don't be sentimental
Whenever you get into scrape, call on me, III
get you out of it. Pm ready to do as much for
you any time"
Mr.. Tooter informed the Apollos-in conf
dence-of the reason why Mr.. Flexible didn't
ask them in. They told their wives and sweet
hearts in confdence--and so it soon got to be
the town talk. 1t never reached the ears OF
Flexible, however; he never knew why Dea-
con Dickleberry cut him--why Mr.. Bluenose,
who was president of temperance society, re-
fused to trade with him any more; and never
knew, poor man that one of the most benev-
olent brokers upon State street said of him
'Flexible is good-natured, well l-meaning man
IN L. J...., Lo