Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-08-21

Faith sees her spirit crowned, while Sorrow
NEW Yo"x. July. 1873.
Faceli@.
| WHEN people leap from London
Bridge in wild despair, the water
Thames them.
The Indian question-"White man,
got any rum 2"
HELxBoLD, the erratic apothecary,
is again an inmate of French lunatic
asylum.
The Ohio River has remarkably
long face. It is twelve hundred miles
from its head to it's mouth.
AT cononer's inquest witness
was asked What was the last thing
seen by the deceased {" "Kerosene,"
was the reply.
The popular balls of the season this
year at Saratoga will be billiard balls.
Even the ladies are taking to them
As for hops in this hot weather; they
will soon become small beer.
HEATED street discussion-s.'I don't
believe in spiritualism. I think this:
If man goes to hell he can't come
back here if he goes to heaven he
don't soast to-
The young ladies of Winchester,
Massachusetts, have resolved to dis.
countenance 't low men" who swear
and chew tobacco. They only care for
Hymen.
That is sensitive young man who
slings lemonade in the circus tent. He
gets mad because an admiring county,
man pointed him out to his wife an one
of the Aztec children.
TIE Governor of South Carolina
spends $4,000 o year. He probably
pays too much attention to what the
Governor of North Carolina has to say
on the subject of refreshment.- -Wor-
cester Gazette.
A MERCHANT from Peru wanted to
get his bark insured in Boston last
week, and the President of the COM
pany told him that he couldn't insure
Peruvian bark at any price,. Boston
is great place.
A SUPERINTENDENT OF POLICE made
once an entry in his register from
which the following is an extract -
1.-The prisoner set upon me, called me
an ass, precious dolt, scarecrow.
ragamuf6n, and idiOt-all of which /
certify to be true
A LITTLE girl who had great kind
ness of heart for the animal creation,
saw hen preparing to gather her
chickens under her shelter, and shout
ed earnestly. "OA' don't sit down on
those beautiful little birds, you great,
ugly old rooster"
JONES said he was going to Portland,
by the Fall River Line. But" said
Smithers, "you can't goto Portland ON
a Sound steamer" 'tThen," rejoined
Jones, "as I will not go ON an unsound
one, I will stay at home,'' which he
did.
BARNUM wants to get nightmare to
exhibit at his Museum. Let him eat
q mince pie, three sausages, and a
dozen pickles, plate of salad, and a
few pigs feet, at midnight, and &c at
once to bed. He will get one of the
animals in two hours or less.
A NEW candidate for the ministry is
Miss Clara NJ. Babcock, Boston girl,
who has just graduated at the Divinity
school in Cambridge. She proposes to
60 to Germany for q years further
study and will then enter upon her
work as a clergywoman.
As A rich and pretentious shoddyite
was looking at some paintings which
he purposed to buy, the dealer pointed
to fine one and said: "There is dog
after Landseer." els it, really !" ex-
claimed the pretender. 'What is the
| dog after him for Z"
A MAN was bitten by dog, the other
night, declared, as soon as he recovered
from his fright, that he would kill the
animal.
"But the dog isn't mad," said the
"Mad!" shouted the victim e1as-
perated. "What has lie got to be mad
about
A WORTHY old lady offers the follow
ing advice to girls: 6 Whenever fell
low pops the question, don't blush and
| stare at your foot. just throw your
arms around his neck, look him full in
the face, and commence talking about
the furniture.''
MISTRESS remember you must
go for the children at 9 O'Clock, as the
party breaks up at that hour.
Under Nurse. Please IN, / don't think
I can get there till my botany class is
over. and that's seldom before half
past nine!
The mistress, of course, "knew her
place" and said no more.
DANIEL WEBSTER is not the only
bright boy born in New Hampshire.
h~o 81
era youth residing in Dover, who re-
fused to take pill. His crafty mother
thereupon secretly placed the pill in a
preserved pear, and gave it to him.
Presently she asked, "Tom, have you
eaten the pearl" He said, I" Yes, all
but the seed, mother!"
the wind was damp with coming vet,
When James aud blue eyed Lizzie met;
Ho held Singham DER his head,
| And to the maiden thus he said:
"Oh, lovely girl, my hearts afire
! With loves uuqueRchable desire;
Say. dearest one, wilt thou be mine,
And JOIN me in the grocery line ?"
The maid in accent sweet replied:
"Jim, hol the umbrella more my side;
Nv bran-ncw bonnct's getting vet
I'll marry yer, yer needn't fret"
Two sparks from London once came
upon a decent-looking shepherd in
Argleyshire, and accosted him with:
"You have q very fine view here.
You can see great way2"
"Yu aye, yu aye, Terry great way"
"Ah! you can see America here,
eupPoses"
"Farrar than that"
How is that?''
"1u Just wait tule the mists gang
away, and you'll see the mune."
1--WE minutes walk from the
t.> pot has lured many an unfortunate
into suburban quarters, resulting in
discomforts innumerable. 1t generally
takes two mornings to convince man
that it is five minutes's walk "-and
more. You may lay the blame OH the
clock for one or two mornings, when
yon 6nd the train gone, but after that
you get up earlier, and utter ironical
remarks about the truth of advertise
ments.
A YOUNG married woman in Paris,
who had preserved her wedding dress
with great care and had kept it locked
mp in closet, was hOrrified the other
day to find that her maid, Emma, had
been dancing the cancan in the sacred
garment. This enterprising and vir-
tnous maid had the audacity to dance
before her mistress in private theatre
ca is in the wsG1iuo .1rosS and If was