The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-11-28
VARIETIES.

$50 the doctor is practising out west,
is he 2" said an old lady. "Well, | declare
to goodness, I'm glad of it, for | always
thought he needed practice ~
-"Im not in mourning" said a young
lady frankly to young lady querist, "but
as the widows are getting all the offers
nowadays, we poor girls have to resort to
artifce."
II he District Attorney of Dallas, Tex
as, is only paid when he convicts. His
appeals to the jury are terrific, and as he
has large family they have double force.
-"Lightning saws" are announced by
some dealers in hardware. That people see
lightning during a thunder storm is plain
enough, but why they should saw light
ming is problem.
An editor once wrote owe have re-
ceived basket of strawberries from Mr..
Smith, for which he will receive our COM
pliments, some of which are four inches in
circumference.
"A young gentleman in Augusta, Me-,
lately made an evening call upon young
lady, and got rather stability treated. 1t
was getting along toward nine o'clock when
the young lady inquired the time of even
ing. Give minutes to- mine" was the reply.
GLOW long will it take you to go home ~
give minutes, should Judge" "Then,"
said the young lady, "if you start now
you'll get home just at nine O'Clock"
Most American travellers throw away
much of their reading matter at their jour
news end. But in England at each station
can be found II box fastened up, very SIM
liar to our letter boxes, but sometimes lar
ger, into which the traveller puts his pa
pers, books, sc. Those are in turn collect
ed by men who carry them to hospitals,
homes for old men and women, and similar
institutions, where they are gladly receiv-
ed.
whats the matter, uncle Jerry ~
said Mr. as old jeremiah Il. was passing
by, growing most fcrociously. Matter
why l have been Juggling water all morn
ing for DR.. G-'s wife to wash, and
what dye 'spose l got for it ~ about
ten cents" answered Mr.-. "Ten
cents She told me the doctor would pull
one OF my teeth sometime or other"
Ink is one of the things in which mod
ern science seems to have made very little
Improvement. An analysis of the ink found
on u manuscript of the year 91O showed
that its composition was similar to that
of the inks now in general use.
A lot of Ministries went to town not
far away and advertised to give perform
ance for ''the benefit ofthe poor, tickets re-
duced to ten cents" The hall was cram
med full The next morning a committee
for the poor called upon the treasurer
of the concern for the amount said
benefit had netted. The treasurer ex.
pressed establishment Mt the demand. 81
thought" said the chairman of the COM
mittee, ''you advertised this concert fol
the benefit of the poor" Replied the treas
urer: Didn't we put the tickets down tc
ten cents, so that the poor could all Gomez
The committee vanished.
SOUND REAsoN.-"Mr Jones, why do you
wear that bad hat 2" because, my dear
sir, Mrs. Jones vows she will not go out
of the house until get new one"
THE REsULT.-"What was the result o
the trial of that horsestealer p asked maj
of his neighbor. "Oh, he was left in sus
pense," was the reply.
MoUNTAINoUs.-On his return from ,
tour which he had been making with hi
master in Switzerland, an Irish servant, be
ing asked what he had seen, replied: "Oh
shure, one can't see anything. There
nothing but mountains everywhere"