South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-05-23

Why is q four quart jug likeaa lady's
side saddle y Because Il holds gallon.
), Ey Why is money like a whip Be-
cause it makes the mare go!
EEA Western editor says no nan who
has paid, regularly for his newspaper was
ever bit by mad-dog.
GS' A small boy arose at sunday-schcol
CONCERT and began Equite elibiy:- a Ger.
tain man went down to Jerusalem to Jeri-
cho, and fell-aud fell Here his mem
DRY failed him. And-and- by The
oad-side, and the thorns sprung up and
cboked him.
Too TRUE.-An African preacher, speak.
ing from 'What is man profited if he gain
the whole world and lose his own soul Z?
mentioned, among other things, that they
lost their souls by being too charitable
Seeing the congregation astouished beyond
measure at this saying, he very emphatical-
~ repeated it and then proceeded to OK
plain lis meaning. Many people, said
he, attending meeting hear the sermon, and
when it is over, they proceed to divide it
among the congrsg ation-this part was for
that man, and that part for this woman !;
such deuunciatious for such persons, these
threats for you sinncrs-and so, cou:iuu-
ed the shrewed African, they give away the
whole sermon, and keep none for them
selves r,.
GI Talk about the falling of of home
affections Our wives are becoming dear
er every day.
gan old widow, when her pastor said
to her, God has not deserted you in your
old age, replied, mo sir, 1 have very
good appetite still
Hc Said concoited young lady, you
men are cocet-u set.
GvJEBEDIAH BURoHARD, once preach
inS 'SNiFoi SSiuiOuJ was interrupted Oy
the entrance of Aaron Burr. Here comes
one, says the revivalist, against whom
even l will testify in the day of judgment
yes sir said Burr, 'in fifty years of Grim
inal practica have Away found the great
est rascal turn States evidence.
S'The occupants Of a drinking .saloon
IN Cape Guardian, Me. were startled lately
by the entrance of the wife of one Of the m,
bearing covered dish. Placing it on the
table, with the remark that she supposed
be bad not time to come TO his dinner, she
departed. He removed the lid and found
slip Of paper on which was written Il
hope you will enjoy your dinuer; it is The
same kind your family has at home.
cy ARTEMUs WARD once lent money.
lie thus recounted ,be transaction: a
gentlemen friend Of nine came to me with
tears in his eyes, Isaid, why these woeps?'
be said he lad a mortgage on bis farm, and
wanted to borrow 5000 / lent him the
money and he went away. Some time If
Ter be returned with more fears. file seid
he must leave me forever. / ven,urcd to
remind him Of the $500 be borrowed. lie
was much cut up, thought | would not
be hard upon him--so ] told him ! would
throw oft 800. lie brighteucd-s hook
my band--an1 said Old friend won t
allow you 70 Guido me in liberaliry-Iu
throw Of the other hundred
CRusHtNG.-Plsius, thinking tina, en-
exhibition Of conjugal affection might iu
crease The quality Of big dinner, calol bis
vile Ny sweetest She merely a1cd him
who his others were
Gsy-A YOUTH ofninetean lately ed frcm
DJdsop, Ohio, to escape the clutches af ao
onamored girl Of twco'y-two. At Rock.
ford, Indiana, be resolved Ibis telegram
from a friend
Get up and dust; SAILS on your track
close.
TO busted bic besl forthwith, bu, .be
came upon him in on Illinois town, nDl Ici
him baok homo and 10 tho altar
"A Knoxville BURGLAR stumbled and
fell agaius, a table with such force as to
render him sonselcss, and tho h.ndcufs
wcro on him when he came 10.
rc,,b f,Ilovi,, t;-