Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1873-08-19
"Cording'' Your Mother in Laws Bed
stead

It is little singular why your wife's mother
will persist in sleeping on a cord bedstead. But
she does. You don't think so much of this
until you are called upon to put lit up, which
event generally takes place in the evening
The bedstead has been cleaned In the after
noon, and having been soaked through with
hot water, is now ready for putting up. Your
wife holds the lamp and takes charge of the
conversation. The rope has been under water
several times in the course of the cleaning, and
having swollen to diameter greater than the
holes In the rails, has also got into fit of coil
ing up into a mysterious and very intricate
form. You at first wonder at this, but pretty
soon wonder ceases to be a virtue. and then
you scold. The thread which has been wound
around the rope to facilitate its introduction in
the holes, has come off, and you have to roll it
up again. Then, after you have pulled it
through eight holes, your wife makes the dis
covery that you have started wrong. The way
that rope comes out of those holes again makes
your wife get closer to the door. Then you try
again and get it tangled Ia your legs. By this
time you notice that this is the smallest bed
room in the house, and you call the attention
of your wife to the fact by observing why
on earth don't you open the door? DO you
want to smother me?' She opens the door
and you start again, and she helps you, with
the lamp. First she puts it On the wrong side
OF the rail, and she moves it so the heat comes
up from the chimney and scorches your nose
it entirely, and turning around find her exam
lining the wall to see how that man has put on
the whitewash. This excites you and brings
out the Precipitation in greater profusion, and
you declare you will kick the bedstead out of
doors If she doesn't come around with that
light. Then she comes around. Finally the
cord is laid all right, aud you proceed to exc
cute the very delicate joe of tightening it. The
lower ropes are first walked over. This is done
by stepping on the first one and sinking it down.
hanging on by the head board with the clutch
of death. Then you step with the other foot
on the next line, spring that down, lose your
balance, grab for the head board, miss it and
come down in heap. This is repeated more
or less times across the length of the bed the
only variety being the new places you bruise
The top cords are frightened in another way, and
you now proceed to that. You first put one
foot On each rail. which spreads you some, and
as you do it the frightful thought strikes you
that if one of these feet should slip over, moth
log on earth would prevent you from being
split to the chin. Then you pull up the first
rope until your eyes seem to be on the point of
rolling out of their socket, and the blood In
your veins fairly groans, and On being convinced
that you cant pull it any further without Grip
phnS yVUioOiI loI iiI0, you Cdtcu uOlu OF the
next rope and draw that up. and grunt again.
just as you have got to the middle and COM
mence to think that you are about through,
even if your joints will never again set as they
did before, you some way or other miss the
connection, and find that you have got to 90
all the way back and do it all over. Here YOU
pause for a few minutes for oracuiar refresh.
ment, and then slowly and carefully work your
way back. You don't jump down and walk
back, because you are afraid to spread out in
that way again. You sort of waddle back,
working the way inch by inch aud with con-
summate patience A man thus stretched
across bedstead never becomes SO excited as
to lose bis presence of mind It would be in
slant death if be did. Then he goes over it
again. waddling, groaning and granting, while
his wife moves around with the lamp, and tells
him to take it easy, and not scratch the bed
stead any more than he can help, and that she
cant tell which creaks the most he or the bed
stead. And after he gets through she has the
audacity to ask him to bring in the feather
beds. In the dead of night that man will steal
up to to that room and look at that beadstead.
and swear. -Ddnbu7y Ne,cS.