The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-12-06
VARIETY.

L.
The Missouri Democrat gives Captain Jack the
following brief obituary - First swiHdled, then
whipped, then hung. That settles Capt. jack
There Is grain of truth in it, too.
At one of the st. Paul public schools little
boy spelled the word " sOb,' and when asked to
define it blurted out - IL means when feller
don't want to cry, and it busts out ITSELF
What should l talk about this evening?"
asked prOsy speaker Of one of his expectant
auditors. "AbOut quarter of an hour would
be just about the thing" was the reply.
Loves potent magnet has drawn Des Moines,
iowa, belle, Miss Julia Walling, all the way to
the Sandwich Islands to be married. Her in
tended - n missionary, who is being kindly fat
tened by the natives previous to-but why cast n
cloud upon their happiness?
liz WmFED.-A spread-eagle orator OF New
York State wanted the wings of the bird to fly to
every town and county, to every village and ham
let i'm the broad land, but he wilted when n
naughty boy in the crowd sang out: You'd
be shot for goose before you had flew Il mile
\ -PREsERVER.-A Brooklyn man has in
vented iiie-preserver, which consists OF simply
two sleeves Of India-Fubber TO be drawn on over
the arms and then inflated by blowing in them.
In this condition they will sustain the body in
any position the wearer may choose TO assume on
the surface Of the water.
How liz SPELLED IT.-An indianapolis editor
is responsible for this? ga young lady in In
diana sought to demOlish unfaithful lover by
publishing some verses addressed to him, in
which after prophesying her immediate dissOIu-
ton, she said: 'COme gaze upon my dust,
false one" But the eompOsitOr spelled dust
with b. -
SHOULD BE CAUTIoUs.-Married ladies should
be cautious about disciplining their husbands
when the latter come home tpsy, by sticking
their heads into 4 bucket Of water. At such
times husbands are not fitted for the reception of
water Mrs. Junks, of Marietta, Ohio, was in
the habit of so disciplining her husband, but she
knows better now. Recently she tried it, and
held his head in the pail until he was subjugated
Now she is 4 lone widow.
RATHER MrxED.-A New Jersey Justice of the
Peace called upon 4 policeman to arrest n num-
ber Of disOrderly boys, the Other day, when the
officer disrespectfully declined. The squire swOre
at the officer when the officer collared the squire
and walked him of to Jail. Procuring bail, out
rushed the squire rs fresh paint, cOllared the
officer and walked him of to Jail, where he now
hnguishes. The administration Of justice is
rather mixed there.
Coal Discovery A bed of coal has been dis
covered about fifteen miles from Walla Wala,
which promises to be of great Importance in that
section. The same material, 50 1t IS said, was
struck as early as 1868, but it attracted atten
ton as no one seemed to suspicion the existence
of coal in that portion of the country. Since
that time it has been struck frequently by parties
digging wells, but until recently the real charac
ter Of the mineral was not considered.
4 HUsRAND's ADyICE.-A farmer and his wife
called at 4 Detroit photograph gallery, recently,
To order some photographs Of her, and while the
operatOr getting ready, the husband gave his
wife a little advice TO how she must act
l. a
else YOU II laugh and spile the job Think about
early days how your father got in Jail, and your
mother was an old scolder, and what you'd have
been If / hadn't pitied you. jest tasten your
mind on that " She didn't have any photo
graphs taken
Things were affecting ut Iowa City on election
night The Press man cOrraled Brainard of the
Republican, the postmaster and his partner in
fire-brigade saloon, singing:
And with the grangers stani,
A horuy-headed aTmer,
With hay-stack in my hanl-
And anon, his partner, nice young man, with
good voice, joined in
Beneath the tall tomato tree
III swing the giiLterins hGe-
ne skiqs DER the snow
When the postmaster continued;
I've bought myself Durham
And a gray gray 5Is... alpaca .so,-- COW ,..,..
And patent-IsatheT pIoT-
.' lie was nineteen years old, could talk like
lawyer, and was the handsOmest bird that ever
lived
That was John Enrights description of his
parrot IN the Special Sessions recently
How much Is he wOrth2' asked Justice
LedwIth. desiring to fix the grade Of crime of
which Thomas Miller, accused of stealing the
bird, was guilty
- Two thousand dollars was the prompt
reply
Nothing could induce Mr. Enright to lessen his
valuation and he was allowed to tell his story of
the theft. Miller had, with hook and string,
fshed up the cage from where it dangled from
Eourth-story window, and skurried away with it
over the roofs Mr.. Enright, hearing the cries
Of the sacred bird, had chased the thief and
caught him. Miller was sentenced TO the peni-
tertiary for three months.
-. Ir the cussed parrot had kept his mouth
shut he told the officer who escorted him TO the
Black Maria, 50 I'd have been all right. lie kept
bellering out Hi hi and POlly's bully
how and when 1 sWOre at him he only kept 1t