Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-07-25

The JUDGMENT OF PARIs.-The Gorilla,
the lIippopotamus, and the Swapping Turtle
were once upon 4 time partaking Of a royal
dinner at the table of the opulent old Oys-
ter, when the conversation turned upon per-
sonal beauty. Each one of the guests pres
ent claimed for himself that he alone was
the fayorite among the ladies for his hand
some form and features As the wine had
gone around freely, the discussion grew
heated, and upon the suggestion of the gor-
lila it was left to the host to decide between
| them.
In vain did Mr. Saddlerock (for that was
the host nancy insist that the point was
too delicate for so humble an individual as
himself to presume to pass upon.
Nay, said all three in concert, 1" tell Us
honestly what you think.
q But | may offend you," urged the BIZ
valve
Oh, that were impossible" smiled the
Turtle
"Quite So grunted the Hippopotamus
My dear friend, =" added the Gorilla with
a leer, - as for myself, | am so confident of
being considered an Apollo that | wish for
nothing 50 much 4. your candid opinion
Well. gentlemen. - replied Mr. Saddle
rock, since You all urge me to disclose my
real sentiments. viii do 50. So far from
being good-looking, egad its hard telling
which Of You has the ugliest countenance
In fact, you'd better draw lots for ii"
No sooner had this remark fallen from his
lips than he saw his mistake lie ran to
the window, jumped ont, and vainly at
tenn bted to climb a tall sycamore in the gar
den The gorilla, seizing him with a clutch
like that Of a vice, dragged him ignomini-
ously hack TO the dining-hall Here the un
| happy Mr.. Saddlerock was opened and the
wicked Gorilla swallowed his body in a
twinkle, finging thereafter a shell to each
of the other competitors.
Moral When the powerful quarrel
| don't let yourself become mixed up with
them, or you may get hurt.
THE LIoN AND TIE Fox.-The Lion and
Fox once travelled in company. Upon their
coming to a public house, it was agreed that
the former should 20 in and get dinner,
while master Revnard kept watch n the
| door. In stalked the Lion boldly. and or
dered haunch of fvenison and a blood pud-
! ding. The servant-maid, instead of fainting
away, babe him throw his name over a chair
| and take his ease. Locking the door as she
withdrew, she sent for policeman, and be-
fore night King Lion was snugly back in the
menagerie whence he and his companion had
that morning escaped.
Master Reynard scenting what was in
the wind, took to the woods and was seen no
more.
Moral This fable teaches Us TO beware
Of that pretended friendship which isSPccious
and hollow.
The SANGUINARY DUEL.-Two men fought
duel. Let Us distinguish them by the
names of A and B respectively. 1t was a
real, bona-hde, powder-and-lall affair. \
meant business SO did B.
1t was a terrible encounter
A had all the vocal parts of his Jaw shot
of, and several useful portions Of his epig-
lottis carried away. Totally untitled for
his business rs auctioneer, he died some
year. after of dyspepsia of the brain.
B parted company with his left arm, 80
he was compelled TO pass himself off aS a
disabled hero Of the rebellion and accept a
sung little office in the United States custom
house where there was nothing whatever to
do.
That is all
The dispute grew out of something A had
said about B. B said A said that B said
something, and B said he hadn't said it.
Moral Don't duel.