The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-01-17
The aemotrat.
FRIDAY.........JANUARY Il, 1873.
scrssoRNes.

SC1SSO1lNOSs
There are two thing in the world
that are not safe to trifie with. A
woman's opinion. and the business
end of wasp.
Why is coal the most contradic-
tory article known to commerce?
Because, when purchased, instead of
going to the buyer, it goes to the
cellar.
A grocer had pound of sugar
returned with O note attached to it,
saving, "Too much sand for table
use, and not enough for building
purposes.
The best reason for not supporting
q certain candidate is that given by
q poor Georgia editor. who say he
has as much as he can do to support
himself.
A school girl was recently asked at
an examination, by the clergyman,
what Adam lost by his fall, and when
pressed replied. Il suppose it was
his hat. -.
4 local editor of an Illinois. paper
says he does not depend upon
journalism for his daily bread, but
upon raising hens, which moves an
envious rival to ask whose hens he
raises.
Nothing is more indicative of the
earnestness of life than the sight oi
a we'll developed male creature
spending eight hours day trying to
wear out a store box with the seat oi
his pants.
Fashionable patroness to charity
girl, who has been away for holi-
day-'sWell, Betsy Jane, and what
did you do when you WENT to see your
friends? Betsy Jane-"Please, M m,
Iwore panier.
The Laporte Aryue says: "In
South bend, Indiana, they use small
packages of quinine for change. As
everybody takes it. they look upon
it the same as legal tender, and ii
passes of without difficulty"
A veteran was relating his ex-
ploits to crowd of boys, and men,
toned having been in five engage
ments. That's nothing. broke in a
little fellow, my sister Agnes has
been engaged eleven times.
The average New Yorker holds up
one hand in horror at the obscenity
of Woodruff and Clafin, while with
the other he reaches III his breeches
pocket for 81 note to buy a copy
of their Weekly.
"Mr. President" said q. S.
Senator the other day in debate, ''the
honorable gentleman who had just
taken his seat, says that England and
Prussia has got torpedoes which can
blow a navy sky-high, but that Is
nothing to US, sir; 1t can't affect us
for, sir, IRE hare no nary to blow sky
high
! minister at a colored wedding
who wished to be humorous, said
Son such occasions it Is customar,
to kiss the bride but in this case We
will omit it.. To which ungallan
remark the bridegroom pertinentl!
replied: Son such occasions it il
customary to pay the minister $40
but in this case we will omit it. %
A country merchant having pro
cured a new clerk, walked him up ths
morning after he was hired, at {
most unreasonably early hour, by
calling out that the family were sit
ting down at the table, "Thanl
you" said the boy, as he turned oyel
in bed to adjust himself for a new
nap, 'tthank you; but never allow
myself to eat anything during the
night"
An old lady slightly blind, while
engaged in futile attempt to sew
buttons on young Augustus's jacket
remarked-''Drat these buttons. ]
can't find the holes, and they split
all to pieces every time I stick the
needle into 'em." To which the
yo1Dr Anor1stus renlied-ssNoyv Iook