South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-08-08
W.T. AND uUMOR.

" HI AN ID H u MoIS-
Sy-A DUTcHMAN getting excited over
an account of an olopement Of n married
woman, gives his opinion thus; If my wife
runs away init anoder mans wife, | shake
him out Of bis preeches,if she be my fadderr
ETA YOUNG lady in Charlottesville,
seeing the gardener breaking up the crcquet
ground for the purpose of planting flowers,
demonstrated with him. 'But, Uncle To-
hey, you will spoil our croquet ground
Cant help dat, miss. Yer pa says he
wants dis place for horticultur' not for Aus-
Jan'sy. Umph !'-Jefersonian.
~A SHOEMAKER fout west of lite
rary turn, has the following poetical gem
on his sign:
Here lives man who never refuses,
To mend all sorts Of boots and shoeses.
1h5> MORE bread landlord. | always
eat good deal of bread with my meat
80 see, sir, and good deal of meat with
your bread
ETA YOUNG preacher called on ven
cradle doctor of divinity, and sadly told
him that he had made such n miserable
failure in his sermon the day before, that
he was discouraged. What was your text?'
asked the ID. d. 'Remen,Jcr Lots WIFE
al! right, my young friend; your failure
was to teach you always TO let other mems
wives alone
EgA JERSEY paper describes a man as
being as socable as batch Of candidates
two weeks before the election.
ES-AN Iowa justice of the peace refus-
ed to fine man for kissing girl against
her will, on the ground that Hannah could
have bitten him, but did not.
saS-AN enraged lawyer wrote Rascal
in his opponents hat, whereupon tho own
er took it up, looked rucfuly into it, turn
ed to the Judge and said, Il claim the pro-
lection of this honorable court, for the OPP
posing counsel has written his name in my
hat, and L have strong suspicious that he
intends TO make off with it,.
LIE In O recent debate a member Of the
California Legislature exclaimed The
Honorable gentleman from Calaveras Coun-
ty Is undoubtedly person of great abilities,
man of talent, a natural born genius
but there is one thing defy him to do,
and that is to bite the bottom of frying
pan without shutting his nose
GSA WOMAN at East Jaffery, n. H.,
has had an accurate picture of n juniper
tree printed on her leg by flash of light
ming. And the editor who chroniccd the
event has had lively time explaining to
to lis wife where he got the item.
GS-AN old negro stretched upon board,
and Numbering, with his feet pointing to
glimmeriDg fire opens one eye and get
glimpse of them as they stand in the OBJ
security. Mistakes them for two little mig
gers and cries: Cit fun fore me p and
relapses into sleep. After a while opens
the other eye, and still seeing intruders,
says: Cit FUN fore me say kick
you in de fire if you don't-I will, shuah =
and again he snores. His dreams not be.
iug pleasant he soon opens his eyes, and
still seeing the little pests, he draws up bis
feet for the threatened kick, but is alarmed
TO see the enemy advance upon him -
'Wha-war you comm to now? Humpb,
my own feet, by golly =
GS'NIR. SPEAKER exclaimed mem
Der Of the Arkansas Legislature, my COL
league taunts mo with desire for fame
! scorn the imputatiop, sir Fame sir =
What is fame 1t is shaved pig with a
creased tail, which slips through the hands
Of thousands, and then is accidentally
caught by some lucky fellow that happens
to hold on to it. 1 let the creased tailed
quadraPci 90 BY me without an effort to
clutch it, sir
r. 'REcoLLECT, sir said tavern keep
or TO a coach passenger, who had only ia
ken glass Of water, and not remembered
the waiter, 'recolleof, sir, if you please, if
you loose your purse, yop did,ft pull Il
out here p