The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1873-11-20

I SHlu --Du6 uduZ IL ma 1slA1, UCA
want to be married on crutches r
& It's amful to think of, cried Mrs.
Brown. And then / heard her lesve
the door and 60 slowly down stairs.
"To be married at two O'Clock, in
church, and only leg and half to
stand on ~ i groaned. g O Samuel
Sam! don't see how you could hava
had the heart te do it.1 sff
| i Iaouldn't understand it at first. j
had always used Sam well, paid him
! feetIy satisfied with his situation, and
served me faithfully until now. 4
| Suddenly an idea struck me, and
the whole cause of Sans psrfdy was
revealed to me. fezes
By heavens, it is Siympkinsl" 1
yelled. daass
"Slymphins is the cause of all my
woe. He bribed Sam to steal my leg,
on this my wedding day, and leave
this insufficient prop in place of it"
Now Ii isvery natural to suppose
that the Feade.' would like to know
who Slmypkins is, and il he Willsonly
be patient Twill sndeaVor to eniight-
en- him. 80 unffea ig85
Jim Slympkins is, or was, my rival.
He is about my OWE age, (thirty-two)
and is the only SON of his father, who,
by the way, is the most wealthy gem
tleman in Frazedoha. Consequently
Jim doesn't do anything but smoke
cigars. drive around town behind his
splendid grays, and devote himselfa to
the ladies generally. us hIaaf
Frazedona is noted for its pretty
women. Statistics show that there
are more pretty women in every
square yard of ground in Frazedonal
than in any other city or town in the
world. Now. my young friend, don't
attempt to dispute this statement, for
it would be useless. Figures wont
lie. oa5 nFosf siasss faflta oN5 sss
Well, when IrefuFned from the war
and established myself in the halls Of
my fathers (they were built by my
mothers first, butafterWardso occupied
by. her second and third hushands,and
consequently I always; speak of my
three fathers, instead of my forefath-
ers,) somehow, in very short time,
found myself Violently attached to
seventeen of the most beautiful young
ladies in Farzedona, and, singular as
1T may aaefn, they NJ Gro the very } ouasr
ladies whom Slymkfns was courting.
Irather had the advantage of Slymp-
kins. To be sure Slympkins had, or
was expecting to have, much more
wealth than i could boast of; but he
hadn't my face, you know, or anything
like it. Furthermore, the ladies al
ways have been, and probably always
will be, fond of the military, and
Slympkins was not q military man.
But what raised the very deuce with
Slympkins was my wooden Leg
When that wooden leg walked in,
Slympkins had to walk out. Not that
the dear creatures loved Slympkins
less, but, 'tah me, Captain Boomerang
with his wooden leg was so chawm-
ing, You know" asl a8 hsssHs..gss5z
Yes, / aDas charming. Anybody
with haitian eye could see that. SlymD-
kins saw it distinctly, and it was very
painful to him. 1t was as painful as q
boil to Slympkins, for he found him.
self shivering in the shade, while l
was basking in the light of thirty-four
of the most beautiful eyes in Farze-
dona. e v
1t was a good thing for Slympkins,
my return TO Farzedona. You see he
had contracted such habit of rowing
from flower TO flower, that at last It
had become almost an impossibility
for him to settle upon any one partic-
nlar roses ButI took the wind out of
his sails, and before / had been in
town month, he was glad ,te :eoneen-
trate all his affections upon one lovely
flower. .ssfs.1
Unfortunately for Slympkins, this
flower happened to be the choicest one
in my collection of seventeen and so
you see, when he ooneen tFated his
affections, / did the same, and before
he had an opportunity to offer her his
heart, i laid mine at her feet, and she
accepted it and gave me hers in re-
turn. ;ls2itf.ssl .iiea s.fii e ~
1 was sorry for Slympkins, but, dang
it, my deaFssir, what could doa II
he had chosen Miss Smith, Miss
Brown, Miss Jones, or, in fact, any
one but Miss Amelia. Seymour, all
would have been WeH. But it was
really absurd for Slynpkins to sup
pose that / would allow him or any
other mansto marry Amelia--at least,
while l had q wooden leg. Faa
Iwould have given Slympkins any
thing in reason, but itgWas truly ridic-
ulous for him to think. that I would
give him Amelia. ] told her so, and
then folded her to my breast, and
she folded me to her breast, and al
lowed her to sip the honey from my
ruby lips.
o, what beauteous creature she
wasI (and is. for that matter.) She
was tall, of course. As / stand six
feet in my stockings, it would be pos
Hively ridiculous for me to fall in love
with q short woman. I've always
been in the habit of running from.
small women, for fear of being caught
in the meshes of loves net. But
AmeIia and 1 looked extremely well
together. In fact, look pretty well
anyway you can fix me-that is, with
my leg on; and Amelia, as remarked
of her Immediately after my proposal,
was perfect model-of beauty.
J. "There was no line, no subtle curve.
No graceful turn to painter known,
Thatdid not her perfection serve,
And had won her for my ownp'
Yes, Tahad won her, and poor
Slympkias was fairly wild with rage.
He had sworn to be revenged, but Il
laughed at his threats Ieven sent
word to him that Captain Boomerang
didn't scare any to speak of; but you
see / didn't know then how he was
going to be reveuged. .enta5
saw it now very distinctly. on this
the morning of my wedding-day; and
Icrocked myself TO and fro in my chair
and groaned, and bedewed that short
wooden leg with my tears, and said
to myself, in my rage toward Slymp-
kins, that I would enforce the old
Mosaic law, and take an eye for an
eye, a tooth for tooth, and q leg for
leg.
But this would never do for me, to
be groaning when there was work to
be done. Unjust prepare for thewed-
ding, for you see l was bound to be
married that day, if / had to hop all
the way to church.
was seated at the breakfast table
slipping my coffee half an hour after
wards, when Mrs. Brown came rush.
ing in, crying: p
20 captain, / know all about ii II
s'W hat, the leg 2"
fsXao 7 Tfhiul-so Nv dorOhtats TEIi1a