The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-15


and dond be acding der loatermi your blows
about dem religious bizncss,"
The Boston GL06e records "A case where
railroad train struck man land somewhat
injured his eyes"
The above incident may be considered the
mildest railroad accident on record.
A newspaper man the other day said his
rival had not wit enough lOf an Gnu man va
a coroner's jury-Er.
A coroner's Jury in Missouri recently gave
an intelligent and explanatory verdict mus;
F." We find he came to his death from calling
Bill jackson a liar."-EE
We don't endorse the above. We know 'he
Bill jackson referred to. He lives at Strea-
tor. He is not a liar, but ld'cyer. Here Is
a rood place for the conundrum to come in
:, what is the difference between liar ana
lawyer?
No oflensc, William, we are driving at gen
eraI principles.
Never take off flannel because it looks like
Ispring-EF.
I Flannel never looks like spring.
/ Mrs. Stanton says if American girls would
Ionlv work hard at some useful Occupation
they would develop into the most beautiful
women in the world
Yes, they often develop. Devcl-up, is.what
ails some of 'em.
The Louisville Corier~Jounal announces
that Speaker Blaine is the coming man. OF
the radical party. Colfax, Patterson, Amcs'
Bingham, Kelley, Dawes, ct H., seem TO DC
the going men at this time.
Bornum has imported talking automaton
from Vienna He could have procured hall
a dozen in Lacon.-J0HT'a0%
Agricultural editors who want anything
under the head, "Carc of stock during the
spring months" will please apply to ColtaX
Wenona, Mich, claims the distinction OF
allowing the oldest Free Mason in the coun-
try to die within its walls on the 18th inst
We have older ones in Ottawa who dye
once week
The Alexander Post states that " the drum
mers came down like wolves on the fold,
their toes were all frosted, their noses all cold
Their weather peeled bugles soon shone
through the town, then took a few orders and
lit out of here, with their heads full OF bust
ness and their skins full of beer"
At Garden City last week, u big school BOY
threw handful of cayenne pepper into the
eyes of the teacher,-that is, as much OF 1t as
they would hold,--for which the village
Squire imposed fine of $40 The effect on
one eve was fatal. OF course it was smart
trick.
The temperance men point to CollaX as
terrible warning to those in the habit OF
" smiling"
A New Orleans philanthropist, acting on
the principal that like cures like" has sent
Il complete file of The Congressional Globe to
an insane asylum.
The Canadian way of measuring tree is
said to be as certain as it is grotesque. You
walk from the tree, looking at it from time to
time between your knees. When you are able
to see the top in this way, your distance from
the foot of the tree equals its height-Er.
This rule wouldn't work with our friend
" Loosl," of Mendoza. He'd have to be at
least a mile away from the lowest tree in the
woods in order to see half way up, and that
would make the tree two miles high. This
rule was not made for men who are full
Freeport girls call the round dances hug
ging set to music. That's the correct Eng
fish name for that amusement, if we are any
Press .-..-. - - =. 80
If YOU are any Judge, ch?- We would Ike
TO know what good-locking girl would lctyou
put your ugly paws around her. We pause
for reply-H0me Guard
The Louisville CourterJourndI says that at
the time Louis Napoleon was lying in state
in England, Colfax was lying in state in
America, and stately lying it was, too.
The Connecticut agriculturist who last week
found five dollar gold piece in the crop OF
one of his chickens, remarks that for its size
it's the most profitable crop ever raised on
his farm.
The Young ladies Of Vassar College have
formed an " anti lling-in.love- beforey ou-are-
club.-Er.
. This shows that the dear creatures know
that danger of falling in love already exists
'"N''' Nhls, IL any man "hh'o yOo w i"'' a.
love, don't you do it.
An exchange says that Young men in
England are FORGETTING their marriage
engagements in consequence of the high
price of coal. They should not stand
back on that account They ought to know
that many mans wife makes the house hot i
enough for him without the use of pound
Of coal"
The Pacific Mail Steamship Company came
very near TO a full stop in the search after |
name for theirnew steamer. They christened =
her the Colon.
We read the above twice before we saw the .
point, which is a period.
The new Wall street brokers's anthem is
quite good in the first four lines: '
"Toach me Il counterfeit to know Ia
And haruninS ponl Ia seq =