The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1873-01-31
PORTLAND CORRESPONDENCE.
EDITOR NEW NORTHWEST:

herself OF the benefits Of visit from her
very sensible mother, and jingling a
couple Of quarters in her pocket, pro-
eeeded to the matinee "for women and
children" School was having
run" and the audience was large-so
large as to make it difficult for those to
get comfortable seats who had not
taken the precaution to opre-engage them.
(Ahem! L think the two p's in those
"orus present particularly pleasing
appearance. Don't you?) Well, the
usher with difficulty made a seat for me
beside sorrel-topped, carrotty-com-
pleXloned animal with an incipient
musIache, who held an infinitessimal
ratan IN his mushy-looking digits, with
"hlch lie made the situation doubly
uncomfortable by tat-tatting on the floor
"hen one of the smaller but equally
sensible children essayed an impatient
smile. L gathered firmness enough to
conquer Indignation sufficiently to ena-
Die me to endure a steady look at him.
and' as | gazed, this mental question
was uppermost in my mind: "Who is il.
or Whdt is it? This entertainment is
for women and children The posters
say so. Now this nondescript can't be
tooDldn, for women are strong-minded
enough to walk without canes; it can't
be child, for children know better than
to make continual vulgar illusions to
mothers and their tarnal young ones.'
No, il isn't a child, that's evident
Then the creature rolled a filthy-looking
cud from under its tongue into mushy-
looking cheek, opened its mouth, and
out came, with sort of kissing noise, a
yellow, filthy-smelling fluid, which
sought the daintiest ruf1ie on my best
outfit and left, oh, horrors, such a stain!
Pm very much afraid my mother will
give Brothers Royal and Roberts in
structions that will keep me away from
the matinee hereafter. But when
look at my dress can't help thinking
that that nondescript should be kept at
home instead of Yours Truly.
The usual thrust at mothers-in-law
was being patiently endured by the
women from the actors on the stage,
when my equanimity was wholly upset
by hearing my nOndeseript say to its
somewhat similar appearing COM
panion; 81 intend to get a wife without
such an incumbrance as mother-in-
law, when L marry, ell, Gus ?" the
creature, interrogated as "Gus"
chuckled audibly and said i'm a sibiIaIft
whisper, al want no mother-in-law in
mine"
Yours Truly shrugged her shoulders
Indignantly, and loosening her boa to
expand her rising wrath, gathered her
skirts around her preparatory to leaving
the hall. The curtain falling just then,
the twain sailed forth, as / suppose, to
'Iiquor up" between the acts, and
hitched over to where a matronly woman,
with two bright little girls near her, had
been enduring the insults of my sorrel-
top and his associate "Gus'i until she
was thoroughly dis-Gus-ted. Seeing
my look Of annoyance, she said to me:
''That popinjay and his puppy as
sociate forget that it isn't but a little
while since they wore pinafores."
"Oh, I have itp' I said, in the ex-
ultant joy Of an original idea. "Ill ask
Mr.. Waldron, through the New NORTH
WEST, to specify the meaning of 'wom-
en- and children in his placards, so that
popinjays and puppies can't come here
to insult them"
"Oh," said the lady kindly, "that
would be too cruel. These creatures
haven't money enough to pay their way
in the evenings. 'Sorrel-top,' as you
call him, got his money from his
mother, and I know Gus didn't earn his
half dollar"
'He's a dead-headw whispered n
black-eyed little boy in front of us, who
was cycling the ladies' frizzled coiffures
upon his knees, his elbows on the back
of the chair. "He's a dead-head," he
repeated earnestly. "He never had a
half dollar in his life unless he begged
/ IT,"
mo wonder he wants mo mother-in-
law in his" 1 said savagely. ''For his
mother-in-law would be compelled to
provide her lamb' with food and shelter
for both of them"
The bell jingled, the curtain rose, and
Gus and SOrrel-top struggled down the
aisle with contemptuous smirks on their
fiabby faces, rudely pushing the "chil-
dren" and casting sheep's-eyes at the
younger "women," doubtless even then
in search Of future wife who may be
free to support them without the
incumbrance of "mother-in-law."
Yours Truly is only school girl, but
she here declares most emphatically,
that any son of woman who has no more
respect for womanhood than to slur at a
mother-in-law without whose suffering,
anxiety and toll he could never hope to
get wife, is unfit for the society of
pure-minded daughters who love their
mothers and delight TO honor them and
see them honored.
Yours Truly will be in the market
some of these years, but she wants it
understood that she will take no matri-
monial stock in any bandy-legged, soft
pated specimen of masculine humanity
that dares deride a possible mother-in-
law, speak insultingly of 'young ones"
at matinees "for women and children"
or spit tobacco slime upon her ruffies.
II. 4 1. r.g