Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-01-02

Meath misfortune's dreary shade;
Pass not by, like priest and Levite, Z
Needless Of thy fellow-men;
But, with heart and arms extended
Be the Good Samaritan.
Wit and HuDor.
How tn get all the music out of a
play on it few minutes.
NEVER carry a grammar to the bank,
under the impression that the teller
will receive it as parse book.
WHAT ancient instrument of war does
q petulant lover most resemble IA
cross.bow.
PAwNBRoKERs are said to look with
favor upon persons without redeeming
qualities. - =.s
Wou1D you rather ge through q
giddy waltz with = pretty girl than go
through pretty waltz with a eiddy
An Irishman, on being told that q
newly invented stove would save Just
half his usual fuel, replied, Arfah
then I'll have two, and save it all, my
jewell"
A REVENUE Assessor in Ohio, asking
the usual questions, inquired: "Did
your wife have any income last year7"
eyes, sir, :" replied the assessed, both
girls" -..
lis molasses good for = cough Z" in
quired Jones, who had = slight cold,
and was barking With considerable en-
ergy. "It ought to be, !" said Brown,
"it is sold for consumption"
"CoME, don't be tim1d," said .
couple of snobs TO two mechanics:
''sit down and make yourselves our
equals. - " To do that We should have
to blow our brains out, " replied one of
the mechanics.
A GENTLEMAN meeting friend Who
was wasting away with consumption,
exclaimed, "Ah, my dear fellow, how
consumptive, 81 walk slow, but Tn
going FAST" -
80" Do you think it safe, my dear"
said . husband to his wife, ''for me
to take off flannel when it looks like
spring2" "Perhaps so," replied the
wife, but I never saw flannel that
looks like spring" -
That was very tender hearted man
who, ON being told that his wife, Who
had left the house only An hour before,
was drowned, and that her body was
must have doated down quite lively !"
The Lumpkin Independent relates
characteristic incident. A negro was
put upon the stand as witness, and
the Judge inquired If he understood
the nature of an oath "For certing,
boss" said the citizen; "n swear to
| lie must stick to him."
4 LITTLE girl came into one of our
shoe stores the other day to take shoes
home for her mother to select from,
Sc What number does your mother rWear,
sissyG" asked the merchant. "She told
me to bring some half-past fours,"
replied the little girl
HERE is . good bunness-li epitaph:
"Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas
Smith, marble cutter. This monument
was erected by her husband As . trib-
ute to her memory aud q specimen of
his work. Monuments of the salue
style, $25O."
UNCLE L. "Now, Sammy, tell me,
have yor read the beautiful story of
Josepha" Sam. "Oh yes, uncle. "
Uncle. "Well, then. what wrong did
they do when they sold their brotherl"
Sam, "They sold him too cheap uncle,
I think"
A nurnE boy asked Dr.. Burgess, the
preacher, if he would have light.
g No, my chic, said the doctor, 81
am one Of the lii ghts of the world" !" I" I
wish then, " replied the boy, you were
hung at the end of the alley, for it is
very dark one" ...~.-....-,
A LITTLE BOY, attending the Episoo-
pal Church for the first time innocently
whispered to his mother ~ the rector
appeared in his white robe, "Does he
put that on to look like the Holy
Ghosti" ->~
| "GEETLEnN, where do you think
that beefsteak comes from ~ said the
landlord, planting his thumbs in his
waistcoat arm holes. "From near the
horns,"'. vas the quiet reply of one of
the boarders. It is singular, but that
landlord has not put any conundrums
to those boarders since. -
A. LITTLE four:year-old, of Bristol,
went to Providence, the other day, and
in the depot was accosted bya Quaker
lady, who asked, !" How old art thou,
little girl2" She looked up in the face
of the Ouakeress, and replied, "I'm
not art thou; TIM little Jennie.
"GExrLE,1Ex, where do you think
that beefsteak comes from {" said the
landlord, planting hls thumb in his
waistcoat arm-holes. From near the
horns" was the quick reply Of one of
the boarders. It is singular, bat that
landlord has not put any oonundrums
to those boarders since.
| A YOUNG lady school teacher. of
Frederick City, Nd, wae .endesvoring
to impress upon her rpupils the terrible
effect of the punishment of NebucAad-
Inezzar. She told them that for seven
wears he ate grass like COW. Just
then small boy asked: "Did he give
mllk7"
| A scHoo1MAsf1R had among his
pupils O. Yankee and Dutch boy.
Both were learning orthography. The
schoolmaster required the Yankee to
spell his own name. He performed it
thus: "Big 4 little a-r-o-n." The
Dutch boy took the hint from this, and
answered to . similar response: i" Big
Hans, little Hans, n. -
els my face dirty Z" asked young
lady from the back woods, on . steam
boat running from Cairo to New Orleans:
"Dirty! No. Why did you ask =
because that insulting waiter insists
upon putting towel beside my plate:
| I've thrown three under the table and
every time he comes around he puts
another one before me-"
Some drummers ON train in Port
land recently wished to open whisky
, bottle they had with them, but had no
corkscrew. I'm get one" )" said one oi
, the number; and rising, he called out,
!, lis there q gentleman from Portland
:. on the train2" A gentleman respond
: ed. "Win you lend me your cork
! screw?:' said the drummer. The cork
screw was forthcoming. 80 ~
: A BBooAR asked for piece Of bread
= and butter at house the other day,
+ and on a couple of slices being offered
- :-n~~lscko1-E >ofnooG Il