The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-09-12
LIVELY.
.Elocuted' is the last and per-
hans L be worst r--.

'Elocuted'' is the last and per
haps the worst.
The monument to Greeley ought
to be an imposing stone. q
, "H2ve you had your mornings
morning this morningg' is the lat
est way of putting it e
An Indiana reporter tells of s
case Of poisoning by the use Of
corrosive supplement"
How natural it liz for q man
when he makes a mistake to kor-
? rect it by kussin somebody else fol-
it.
The Aurora, organ of the ILL.,
nois State Agricultural College,
Z speaks of fattening hogs as susi-
culture" -a
i A Jersey paper describes man
as being Gas sociable as batch of
| candidates two weeks before cleo
ton" .atsa.azsn ss
Equality" says a French writ
or, means 8 desire to be equal to
your superior, and superior to your
equal" e f,rf-. fs. -.
| Says the Saint Louis Globe:
Madame Parepe-R oss's singing
this year will be confined to 8 sim
gle song: Sleep, baby, Sleep"
| IA Wabash editor returns thanks
for a centipede sent him by mail
from Texas, being the first cent of
any kind he had seen for month.
Boston has been preserving
General Lafayette's camp table"
these fifty years, and has just
found out it belonged to a Colonel
unknown to fame.
In an advertisement of bakers
business for sale, the following APP
pears: "Death the sole reason for
leaving" It would be difficult to
find better.
An editor once wrote: ave
have received a basket of straw
berries from Mr.. Smith, for which
he will receive our compliments,
some of which are four inches in
circumference"
my man, what's your charge
for rowing me across the Frith?"
Boatman-"Weel, sir, / was list
thinkin' I Gamma break the Saw
bath day for no less than fifteen
| shillin's."
The OswegoPalladigm exclaims:
''Poor pent up Utica, yoa have
been praying for water with
horse race on your hands, and if
signs do not fail you were deluged
this morning"
The Utica Herald says men will
never know what effect it would
have had on Job if eleven little
girls had called on him, one after
another, and tried to sell him Sun
day school picnic tickets.
A doctor of Portsmouth pro-
tests against the tolling of bells at
funerals. He thinks the sound has
a depressing effect on the sick, and
cannot prove a source of much en-
joyment to the departed.
Miss Harriet Martineau has
written an autograph letter to the
Nation to prove that she has not
died, as it said she had. The Ma
tion does not even argue the point,
but resigns its infallib;lity and
apologies.
Here is the inscription on a
tombstone in Pennsylvania: "In
memory of Tabitha, beloved wife
of Joseph Wright, Thomas An
drews, Eben HaIstead, Edward
Murray and Charles Dean, by her
devoted husband, Cyrus Morgan. )"
A youth stretched prone upon the ground
! Half buried in the dust was found,
| An empty bottle still he grasped,
And in low, mournful tones he gasped,
| "Histedr"
A correspondent attended the
American chapel at Vienna one
Sunday in July, and noted the fact
that, while there must have been
over a thousand Americans in the
city, there were but eleven persons
present when the minister came to
the desk.
| Ekonomy IL a savings bank, in
to which men drop pennies and
get dollars in return. Avarice is
like a graveyard; it takes all that
it can git, and gives nothing back.
Error will slip thru a crack, while
truth will get stuck in q doorway.
i-J0ab RitliDus
Scene in q Fort Wayne dry
goods store: "Lady-"How much
for this print?'' Gentlemanly and
obliging clerk-'tNine cents, mum"
Lady-"Nineteen cents; I'll give
you eighteen" Clerk-"Nine cents,
mum; you misunderstood me"
Lady-"Oh! nine cents; I'll give
you eight
A Detroit boy stood an umbrel-
Ia, with a cord tied to it, in pub
lie doorway. Eleven persons
thought that umbrella was theirs,
and carried it with them to the
end of the string. They then sud-
denly dropped it and went of with
out once looking back or stopping
to pick it up again.
"Wadsworth," said Charles
Lamb, "one day told me that he
considered Shakespeare greatly
over-rated. There is" said he,
san immensely of trick in all Shak-
speare wrote, and people are taken
by it. Now, if 1 had a mind I
could write exactly like Shake
speare. So you see," said Lamb,
quietly, sit was only the mind that
was wanting"
Responses to prayers and ser
mons may be good If they come in
at the right place. Not so, how.
ever, came a response, recently, to
a minister in an African church
He had come down from the pull.
pit to invite a stranger in one Of
: the pulplts to preach for him, but
was unsuccessful. Brethren
said he, II invited Brother s.
to preach, but he declines" "Glo
ry be TO Godr' roared out 8 maj
from the middle of the church.
i Don't be afrade yung nan t.
make q blnnder once in q while
not all the blunders are made b,
, the sincere and honest. mus
! respekt those, I suppose, who new
: er made eny FLANDERS. but I don
: law them. I like them kind n
, folks who, if they do once in
: while weigh ont pound with onl.
thirteen ounces in il, are Just 3
apt TO make the next pound weigl
nineteen ounces. ] hev my phail
!. Iinna IL Ia khaea khnk -aEn =.