The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-03-01
Prom the y =. I~ndePendentl
The Massacre Of Church Music.
nv EEx. 7. DE- VIII rALNAcE.

1880 $780, 1870 49,
twenty years To kill congregational singing.
This attempt has been tOlcrably successful. But
1t seems % me that some rules might be given
by which the work could be done more quickly
and completely. What Is the use Of having It
lingering on ia this uncertain way? Why not
put II cut Of it, misery? Ii you are going 10
kill a snake, kill it thoroughly, and do not let II
keep on wagging It's tail till shutdown. Congre-
gatiOnal singing Is q nuisance, anyhow, 10 many
u the People. If i~nterfcrcs with their comfort.
Il oieuds their taste. IL disposes their nose to
hcxIbility IN the upward direction. Ii Is too dem
CcTatIc IN its tendency. Down with cOngrega-
tioHal singing and let Us have no more of it.
The first rule for killing is 70 have only such
fumes as The people caHRDt sing.
In some churches it is the custom for choirs at
each service 70 sing one tune which the people
know. IL is very generous of the choir to do that.
The people ought 10 be very thankful for the do
nation. They do not deserve it. They are all
= miserable offenders " n heard them say s)
and, II permitted once in a service 10 sing, ought
TO think themselves highly favored. But 1
oppose this singing Of e;en the one tune that the
people understand. 1t spOils them. Ii gets them
laundering after more. Total abstinence is the
only safety; for, if you allow them 10 imbibe at
all, they will after a while get in The habit of
drinking too much of it, and the first thing YOU
know they will be going around drunk on sacred
psalmody. Beside that, if you let them sing one
tune at a service, they will be putting their oar
into the other tunes and bothering the choir.
There Is nothing more annoying to the choir than,
at some moment when they have drawn outa note
to exquisite fineness, thin as a split hair, to have
some laundering elder to come in with a Praise
ye the LOrdi' Total abstinence, | say, Let all
the churches take the pledge even against the
milder musical beverages; for they who tamper
with champagne cider soon get to Hook and old
Burgundy.
Now, if all the tunes are new, there will be no
temptation to the people. They will not keep
cumming along, hoping that they will find some
bHs down where they can break into the clover
pasture. They will take the tune as an inextri-
cable cOnundrum, and give it up. Besides that,
Pisgah, OrtOnyille aud Brattle street are old
fashioned They did very well in their day. Our
fathers were simple minded people, and the tunes
fitted them. But our fathers are gone. and they
ought TO have taken their baggage with them. 1t
is 4 nuisance to have those old tunes floating
around theehurch, and some time, lust as we have
got the music as fine as an opera, to nave a revi-
val OF religion come, and some new born soul
break out in 4" Rock Of Ages Cleft for Me-" till
the organist stamps the pedal with Indignation
ana the leader ot the tune gets red in the face and
swears. Certainly anything that makes a man
swear Is wrong-TgO, congregational singing is
wrong. QuOd eTdt demOnStrGndum: which being
translated, means PLAIN as tie nose on a mans
Jdce- hat right have people to sing who know
nothing about rhythmics, melodies, dynamics?
The old tunes ought to be ashamed Of themselves
when compared with our modern beauties. let
Dundee and Portuguese Hyman and Silver street
hide their heads beside what we heard not long
ago in a church-jrst where | shall not tell. The
minister read the hymn beautifully. The organ
began, and the choir sang, as near as | could un-
derstand, as follows:-
Oo-aw-gee-bah
Ah-me-la-he
O-pah-sah-dah
Wo-haw-gee-e-e-e.
My wife, seated beside me, did not like the
music. But | said: "What beautiful senti-
menti My dear, it is a pastoral. You might
have known that from Wo-haIc-geer You have
had your taste ruined by attending the Brooklyn
Iabernacle.' The choir repeated the last line of
the hymn four times. Then the prima donna
leaped on to the first line, and slipped and fell on
TO the second, and that broke and let her through
into the third. The other voices came i'm to nick
her up, and got into Il grand wrangle, and the bass
and soprano had it for about ten seconds but the
soprano beat (women always do), and the bass
rolled down INTO the cellar, and the soprano went
up into the garnet, but the latter kept on souall-
ing as though the bass in leaving her. had wick
edly torn out all her back hair. | felt anxious
about the soprano, and looked back to see if she
had tainted; but found her reclining in the arms
oil a young man who looked strong enough to take
care Of her.
Now l admit that we cannot all have such
things in our churches. 1t costs like sixty. In
the church of the Holy Banlak it costs one hun
dred dollars to have sung that communion piece:
"Ye wretched, hungry, starving poor"
ID ~ u COine as neal I'D Ii as we can. Ihe tune
- Pisgah" has been standing long enough on
- JOrdan's stormy banks Let it pass over and
get out of the wet weather. Good bye. "Auti-
och, " Hartwell, )" and g Boylston.'' Good bye
till we meet in glory.
But, if the prescription of new tunes does not
end congregational singing, | have another sug-
gestion. Get an irrcligiOus choir, and put them
IN a high balcony back of the congregation.
choirs who are made up chiefly OF religious
people; or those at least, respectful for sacred
things. That will never do, if you want to kill
the music. The theatrical troupe are not busy
on the Sabbath. and You can get them
lt half price to sing the praises of the Lord.
Meet them in the green room at the close OF the
Black Crook" and secure them. They will
come to church with opera glasses, which will
1rlng the minister so near to them they can, from
heir high perch. look clear down his throat and
zee his sermon before it is delivered. They will
make excellent poetry on Deacon GOodsoui as he
around the missionary box. They will
write dear little notes to Gonzaldo, asking him
his cold is and how he likes gum drops.
" Ithout interfering with the worship below, they
an discuss the comparative fashionableness of
The Basque" and 1.-The Polonaise," the one
ady rowing she thinks the first style is g. horrid"
nd the other saying she would rather die than be 5
cen in the latter-all this while the chorister has !
out during sermon to refresh himself with a
mint Julep, fastening back in time to sing the last Z
lynn. How much like Heaven it will he when, /
{ the close of n solemn service, we arc favored s
With snatches from Nerdi's ''Trovatore," Meyer
GERS 'lluguenOts,' and Bellini's "Somnam- {
'ula " from such artists as: l
Prima Donna Soprano,
MADEMoIsELLE SQUINTELLE, !
From Grand Opera House, Paris. /
SIGNOR BOMBASTANI. 1
Rasso BuffO,
From Royal Italian Opera. ,
CARL SCHNEIDERINE, I
First Baritone,
OF His Naiesty's Theatre, Berlin. 7
If after three months of taking these two pre- I
the congregational singing is not thor L
ughly dead, send me n letter directed to nv name, 7
With the title of O. f. NJ. (Old Fogy in Music), |
nd L will, on the receipt thereof, write another l.