Elizabeth daily monitor. [volume] (Elizabeth, N.J.) 1868-1880, 1873-12-29
MULIUM IN PAkyo.

tilll STOCKING ii lHoES AhoOih"tiHG
than Christmas tree.
If yon want to cure the whoopin9
cough go down iii Il coui nine
The most pop liar writer OF Christmas
stories since Dickens is jew.
A German philosopher attributes
emot al insanity to oyster Ing
Ii there is no wine drunk ON New
Years gay there will be no men drunk.
Sixty railways have defauIted in 1873,
and much greater number OF railway
directors and managers.
Thare il only two men in the world
who never make emmy blunderS, and
they are yu and me, mi friend.
rs the colonel here ?" shouted man,
sticking his head in Kansas City street
car. " Heis," replied thirteen men as
they rose up.
A Milwaukee omnibus man Is willing
to bet that he will take passenger to
one depot and his frank to another three
times ont of five, and no takers.
\ Milwaukee woman entertains her
husband every night with oyser stews
and egg-nog in order to prevent him
from spending his evenings away from
home.
A Kentucky jury has justly decided
that nine thousand dollars would S ;arcc
ly compensate Miss Tubb for the breach
of promise which deprived her of IN
opportunity to change her name.
The overburdened man scarcely has
the desire to love, far less the time. We
4
pense OF pers Jns and the man who
works too much must love too little.
A Springfield girl threatens to sue her
father for breach of promise She says
the old gentleman first gave his consent,
and now refused to, and that her beau,
having got tired of waiting, has gone
afteranOther gill.
A lady wishes some one would invent
nj gymeter, to attach to neu's ped
ais, SO that wives may Diet rhine the
distance travelled by their husbands
when they want to "jnst step down to
the post office of an evening"
The affidavit of Chicago policeman
states that =" he called me ~ ans. a sim
pieton, and an idiot, all of which lie
clare to be tru,'."
A man had the last word out West not
long since. He wrote to his wife, Good
bye, you old, sculding, redheaded hea-
then, and then hung himself.
Some men ave said to have been made
bald Ivy carrying aSnudiy sch oil book
too long in their hats More often it is
brick in the hat does the business.
"The evidence shows that he sot up
night after night, aud they squoze
hands and talked soft and think she
ought to have about twenty dollars dam
ages, WAS the charge of Il K tnsas judge
to jury in breach OF promise case.
A philosopher remarks that there is
something peculiarly Instructive in
standing upon a street corner III a large
city, and watch the men all rushing
around trying to make money and the
women all floating Ground trying to
spend it.
The landlord of house on Jefferson
street, in Hoboken, sued ono OF his
tenants a few days ago in ejectment for
non payment OF rent. Judgment was
procured bnt since the tenant had a
large and helpless family dependent
Apou KIN lOi ohplJbtt a't Vi tHt lIObO
ken constables refused to execute it.
An exchange tells this A good lady,
who, on the deaIh of her first husband,
married his brother, has portrait of
the former hnnging in the dining roam.
One day visitor marking the paint,
ing asked, " Is that IA member OF the
family 2 "Oh that's my poor brother
in-luw, was the ingenious reply.
Henri Vieuxtemps, the celebrated
yiolinist, who is lying i'll at Paris, has
sent in his resignation of his position as
finishing professor in the violin classes
of the Brussels Conservatory. Vieux
temps had filed this Office for many
years. Wieniawski has been called for
to ill the vacancy and has accepted tn
office. He will sail for Europe in the
spring. In the meantime he will give q
few farewell concerts.
1t is well known that in his great
sledge journey in search Of the relics of
Sir John Franklin, C,ptain Hall made
distressing discoveries, which he resoly
ed never to give the light as long as
Lady Franklin should live. Co his last
departure from Greenland in the Polaris,
he intrnsted all his Important documents
to MIR Smith, of Tessuisak. From
them it is now ascertained that Captain
Hall made the sad discovery tn It Frank
lin and his party We're reduced to the
dire necessity Of eating each other. The
fact of this discovery would nave added
still greater fame to Captain Hall. He
kept the secret from Lady Franklin !;
but now that the tender and heroic ex
plorer rests under the same dreary skies
with the lost Franklin, this most unhap