The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-02-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


drunks are constructed.
The Joliet Sun advertises for a yellowish
brown dog The La Sale Press offers TO send
him car load or SO at 31IIa cents per head.
This is another illustration of what is called
"dog cheap" or dog goned" low prices.
The spirit Of Jim Fisk. jr is engaged TO write
for Boston paper. His articles are so "red
hot" tina. the paper will have to be published on
sheets of chilled iron.
A New Orleans paper says: a young widow
Of that city who writes a good hand, is training
herself for editor" She needn't train herself
for this yere editor. We're engaged.--Ifome
Journal.
Yes, and here TOO. That game has been played
on us sud-wel, we're satisfied. 1t can't be done
again with our consent.
A Portland clergyman startled his flock on
Sunday evening by telling them that "Hell was
not 80 full of men aud women as men and women
were full of hell"
They have lots Of fun at school down east:
A rogush pupil in Bangor, Ne, out the scalp
o: the schoomaster with his slate for correcting
him. Another teacher In the same town had his
thumb bitten off for Furnishing ore of his
scholars.
western editor was recently requested to
send his paper to a distant patron, provided he
would take his pay in trade" At the end of
the year he found that his subscriber was a
ceffin.maker
Fremont, now under indictment in France for
fraud, had his character analysed once by Cali
ornia orator, who styled him "a statesman who
never made speech, a general who never fought
battle, pathfinder who always lost his way,
and millionaire not worth continental d-n"
Aspiteful cotemporary, evidently edited by
bachelor, the following elaborate metaphor
II have seen lovers look into each others eyes
with that sublimey silly expression characters.
tic of such untortunates, somewhat like the
piteous, appealing look of forlorn calf going
home through the rain" This expression has
been patented.
p The Sabula, Iowa, Index points its finger at
the fact that it can "stand it" so long az spare
ribs are two cents pound.
A Brooktield man writes for the bes. WAY TO
manage a bull. If our Brookield friend has got
bull on his premises, and the bull is we'll, he
don't want to manage it, All he has got to do
is get few things hastily together, mortgage
his place and steer straight for the west. He
might as we'll try to ward off streak of light.
ming with fifty cent paint brush as to manage
a bull.--SwinaIiela Republican,.
An exchange tells of an editor who went
soldering and was chosen captain. One day at
parade, instead of giving the orders, Front
face, three PAGES forward he exclaimed, Cash,
two dollars year in advance"
A conservative English journal thinks 1t too
obvious to be overlooked that character is de-.
termined by climate in some instances, and
s1leges the case of a given district from which
CAlvansm was eradcatsd by thorough system
Of drainage.
Old Subsidy Pomeroy, since Senate, York
"blowed' his little bribery ABRAMS ements thinks
Shakespeare must have been drunk when he
remarked:
Now is the winter of our discomfort
Made glorious summer by this son of York"
lie thinks to fit his case, tho reading ought
70 be:
Now is my promised summer frozen Ger
And turned to winter by this curaed York
Here is another of those lovely obituary
notices:
y Kansas man recently drank two bottles of
whisky IN fifteen minutes for wager Of $50
and the loser is looking for a medium who will
undertake to convey the amount of the bet "a
the place Of departed spirits.
And one more:
man IN Indiana felt of the buzz OF circular
Jaw to SEE If it was going. /. was Funeral on
sunday,
1t was with regret that our western exchanges
,hronicled the fact that but few Indians froze tc
Heath during the recent chilliness.
They have a debating society a. Sheridan
The subject 1t ia now wrestling with is Hell
They're having -" time with it-what kind O,
time the Nc,'s Letter fails to state.
The editor of the Nsos Letter was a. Ouaws
ately and took dinner at Restaurant. for which
le paid the hashmillist half.oolumn huff I,
publishing the bill OF fare he aid himself proud
Here are samples: Among what he calls III,
'imbibitory provocatives' ho found i've varis,ie
soup, mussel, seaweed, bottle and Ottaw
'ean. In the "rare dishes were bologna saus
.ge. Among the "relieves" we're hens o6 vesr
I'D, how many did Seward eat p and on .h
'opican daiuties" were Calves-lates, s,yls wor,
}! what fb!
A Nation widow keeps the skull of her d,
.ease1 husband in a glass case She once ,,
marked 70 a friend who was viewing the remain.