Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-07-04


H
rn
o. t.aHaf ID on. t.rr.rr
trnaa. rErfnas RI a I...n.-. ..
a.r ia.trl ur si-l.
, .NfH Orleans young man fatal iy -rah-
scrip.
a cross-eycd man in Newburr has gath
wants
An ingenious individual with a turn for
mathematics has found that there is one pig
70 every one and four-tcnths men in the
United States.
W hen will peoplestop talking about pairs
ol twins, when they only mean twins? a
pair OF twins would mean, 50 far as it means
anything, four and not two infants.
Proiessor-What are the uses Of starch in
termination? Student (reciting on cheek)
IN the German nation starch Is used very
lnuch the same a. in this country-in doing
up linen and such goods Professor-lf
/
show you how they take the starch ont of
students in the German nation.
An Iowa widOwer, having more children
than he could take care Of, traded off three
ol them toa ohildless neighbor for a half in
terest IN saw-mill
San Francisco restaurant keeper Ina.
got himself into disgrace just by Being de-
tected m serving up gulls as quail on toast.
HIS customers wouLdn' be gulled
The press and the pulpit may say what
they please, but man in dove-colored
pants and patent leather boots i not fit
person to adjust a tub for catching rain
water.
country youth inquired at a Boston
drug store for ten cents worth of " love
powders, something that wouldn I stir her
up much, but make her dream of him nights.
he urhane druggists clerk put up some
magnesla, and cautioned the purchaser not
to give her too much at a time. but rather
win her affection by degrees.
\ Louisville church deacon has been in
vestlgated because he was in the haoit of
carry ing pitcher of beer into the sanctua-
ry every day, and it was the communion
pitcher, too.
" Is there any one here who takes excep-
tons TO the rulings OF this court2" said a
Nevada Justice, putting a six-sho0ter on the
cable. There wasn't one.
\ Portland man caught with his hook
and line in another man trout brook. COM
pletely silenced the owner. who rcmon-
s:rated. with the majestic answer. w no
wants to catch Your trout2 IN only try
ing 10 drown this Worm.
New York has over 100 centenarians. one
third Of whom are negroes.
Toledo, O.. has voted to give her cows
full possession Of all the streets for seven
months, after which they must not be seen
outside of Enclosures in the city limits "
The city council thought this plan cheaper
than to hire man to lmow the grass in the
streets.
The sight of four able bodied men play
ing croquet Is considered by the Louisville
C0Ula-JOuruait to be the sublimeSt specta-
Gle that an Impoverished country ever be-
held.
An Iowa town held '' graveyard bee,
recently TO raise money to pat its cemetery
in order.
clergyman in Davenport, Iowa, ex-
changed pulpits with a pastor in another
CITY few Sundays ago, and meeting at the
railroad crossing they had a brief chat.
They carried satchels Just alike. and when
the car bell rang, each caught up one,
started for the train. TO find ON reaching
their destinations that they had exchanged
satchels and sermons
The jackson (Ienn.) Wing and Tribune
tells of a woman who sent her husband TO
buy jug Of m Olasses. He got drunk and
fetched home the jug filed with whiskey.
She took 1t up, smelt it, set it back, and
then squaring herself. arms akimbo and
eyes flashing, she exclaimed. Whar
them molaSse ~ The old man smiled and
winked plea. antly. and, waving his left
hand propitiatingiy, exclaimed, - Them
they - lie Is now conyalescent, but the
jug is hopelessIy deranged.