The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-08-12
A Waste Paper Basket of Misoel-
laneous Ideas.
THE LAY OF THE LAST MINSTREL.

PHILADELPHIA. August II, 1873.
There is scarcely anything IN life, no matter by
nature how sedate or serious, which does not have
its funny side remember years ago to have seen
a broad smile flicker across the face OF divine
just when in the midst of most stirring religious
appeal, which was provoked by the sight OF cOun-
try pumpkin seated in the gallery poising tobacco
quid In such way that, when 1t iel 1t would land
In the extended jaws of squire, placidly slumber-
ing in his seat below; and once very young rela-
tive of mine, while saying his evening prayers, sud-
denly shouted "Amen I" before he had half finished,
and made dive for o big fly which, while his hands
were clasped, had been grievousy tormenting him.
1 remember, too, the answer which President Lin.
coin gave to that hypercritical Individual who
chided him upon his venture to relate q joke just
when surrounded by the most important affairs.
"Ah, my dear friend" said the President, edo
not blame me. We're 1t not for this occasional
bubbng up of fun really believe that should die.
If could not laugh these terrible and perplex king
AFFAIRS would kill me-"
And so 1t is always. Man must have his laugh,
and the solemnty Of no occasion is too sacred to
be unilumined by sparks of fun. In my letters
forwarded to the HERALD hitherto l have tried to
place before the American people
THE GREAT IMPORTANCE OF THE CENTENNIAL Ex-
POSITION,
the additional impetus which It would give to
native and foreign industry, the extent to which 1t
would increase our commerce and expand
our international relations, as well as the magni.
tude which, if heartily supported by the press and
the people, 1t would be absolutely certain to as
sumo. In order to do this 1t has been necessary to
examine many ponderous volumes, large and badly
printed reports, bundles Of statistics, dull
and dusty and stupid, as well as to
negotiate interviews which in many cases have
oan linda Il aovIv hour TN
the morning To bring up the remark OF Presi-
dent Lincoln in another form, the writer actually
believes that, had he not occasionally stumbled
upon document the peculiar ideas Of which
along with its quantness OF construction were
calculated to provoke the drolest humor, he would
have given up in despair the task OF presenting the
great American scheme in any satisfactory way
before the American people. Dotted all over as
his labor has been with vistas of fun and inter-
mingled AS are the applications for space IN the
Centennial Building with requests at once crazy,
grOtesque and ridiculous, his labor has been eX-
ceedingly pleasant. SO that he cannot help stating
briefly the peculiar and incidental features which
made 1t so.
THE FUNNY SIDE
1t has been said already, that though no d eff.
mite plan has been as yet agreed upon on which
the immense edince will be constructed still de-
mands are daily pouring in from all parts of the
country-frOm inventors manufacturers and pro-
ducers Of every cass-fOr the proper limits in
which to display their wares, 1t is OF the funny
way in which these applications occasionally shape
themselves that shall speak, leaving, however,
the accurate copies OF these letters made herein to
tell their own laughable story.
A CENTENNIAL CHEESE.
The first one Is from gentleman OF New Hamp-
shire, and, with the exception OF few details
which eliminate, 1t reads as folows:-
DEAR sRsI speak of cheese-cheese. in the grandest
s1S q the Ct 5s
OF pounds Of 1t shall be an immense plain the con.
and IN s
Us SIDE Of S many hundreds a OF psase
create establishment and would gain for our manaise
Respectfully, &c. -
Now this letter is entirely too serious for Joke.
1t is the enthusiastic proposition OF Yankee,
welded and devoted to his art. Why not let him
get up this cheese II would certainly answer a
race course, Tor its circumference would certainly
exceed half mile. Its crust would be hard enough
to bear any burden; its surface would be even aud
free from dust, ana when it had worn through the
interior might be scooped out, leaving only its
shell, so that windows and entrances might be in
serted, and the whole thing might serve the re-
quiremepts of an original and first class restaurant.
These are important considerations, which the
Commissioners should carefully weigh.
The next letter Is from louisiana and there Is q
vein Of wit running through it, which the reader is
at liberty to 5sEsEa sa RG %SS Or
& d ~ *, MOu LIKE afforded
who endorsed Van late rmsd saes
70 as IKE Coming man who
Tha"X large demiiohn Supposed to contain the
spirit seventy six" which years has Jailed to
'n fSAA PORTRAIT Of the celebrated mathematician
ThS aaS sa H ps % % Ge
ment to the face caused by the discovery that the value
Of S. tie han ~, going e, be built to
stockholdsrs in tins enterprise being pervaded and
cs Of e sa
the Large .Ts OUTLAY nGs of%s and required
the PROPOSED via Pcpalus by means cans Of
to park daily p pr sSs piSH have
ss.TsS snss terri gin MrSa y;
persons to transport &C. Respectfully &c,
The writer Of the above has evidently taken into
account the somewhat conservative character of
Philadephians, but the letter has been received
with the most gratifying good humor, and has made
laugh wherever II mas been read. The only error
made seems 10 he the supposition that the Exhibi-
ton il to be controlled by that conservatism which
the writer Justly ridicues, when in reality 1t Is per-
mission OF which talented man In the writer's
native State is prominent and conspicuous repre-
ton we transcrlbe the following from native OF
this city
PHILADELPHIA SPEAKS
DEAR siRs-My deserts ente TO something
than site considerations hope you will try
me hHumDei keeper, gang boss watch
man. have never been able to know that ap-
pycatons have ever been brought before the appointing
power want You to understand that II you get q
position you suffer me to live you do not shorten
not live without itl!l Respectfully, &c, -
The reader may fancy that he detects a misery
beneath this imperative document, brought on by
habitual nebriety but here is something more
spiritual still. 1t comes from New Jersey -
JERSEY SEEKS A CLOSER UNION.
To THE CENTENNIAL COMMITTEE
sIns-"ou proncit in artbus ced deficit inmoribus plus
deact guam procit" Whatever be said about prog
r he icI
horrible deficiency IN moral social and political re-
spccts which Is horrible. The declaration OF Independ
ence s'Wost dead letter yet The poQr lack Liberty