davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
A CURIOUS DIVORCE COMPLICATION.

An old divorce suit came up yesterday, be-
fore Judge Daniels IN Chambers OF the Supreme Cour
which Is worthy of mention for Its peculiar compiica-
tous Abby Lincoln, the plaintiff, married 10 Levi
A. Lincoln the defendant In 1851 Providence, Il. l.
Alter living together years. Mr. Lincoln who then
ken, the Tontine Hotel In this city, became enamOred
Of MARGARET L.ary then al the hotel,and. finally diseov
ering that hts wile had been married 70 by the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
Proposals
,ACIFIC RAIL
4 FITTING NO

I FITTING NORTHERN PACIFIC RAIL
RoADSBALRD PROPOSALS WILDE received At The ofee Of
the Chief kngineer No % Fifth the City Of NeNrot, until
"WEDNESDAY TO- for guf and brtrss ali that por
81 ths C0pAnys between tho missouri AMI Yellowstone RV
ers POS mica
Proposals. Will be uhOie for sections
about 20 miles each
Pol further nemieu ,Ppv The omae Of The Chief Engineer IN
kesYOri 10 Gen. L. kOSskR Division E1ee Minneapolis.
Mina. w. hiLAOR kUBkhis, CLef LBs
Kss York AsE 10. le7a
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
ERIE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Arrangement OF

ERIE RAILWAY.-Summer Arrangement OF
IT. taking effect June 90 1873 From Chanber'sS Depot Or
9mnennsu and Chicago Day Express, DraungoOn Coaches
10 Buffalo and sleeping Coaches 70 destinations. - -,
IL m-BIprss Mail for Buffalo ami Niagara Falls ssPngCoisn
to Buffalo . cut. ~. -, S,..,
Coathe through Buffalo, Niagara Fa Cincinnati Detroit aud
Cbesko without change.
Pori Jervis g g. IL and '1115 40 $3.50 and Y
Goshen Sdlesouu, g. g. 1880 IL aad 'llls NJ ';i'
430. 1880 and I'll N
WMTeI, 8 i m and 4:3opm
Eewburgh, 1880 . and IL g. m. and 4;5O NJ a.. - -
suaern g. 1880 IL and 'll;l5 3d. D. o. 1880 y
and 'll3O m; -, 49,, D.. 90 O .s.ao II
sll:l5 a m. 3:45 g. g. 1870, and tl1:3O p n: - - "a
Pater.ou, '6 Gas 1915 $3.50 $50 l0 H. II; ii ~
noon 'l45 3:45 o. 5;l5 o. $3.50 r. g. lOSO and
F.sorE g. 7l5 .s45 and lI3O n s:45, 5:15, $3.50
RG,6crfrd PARK and Pas,sc 6:45 g. 1890 10 IL Oils
Pa.e onJl IL 'li5, 5;l3, o. '0So g. lO'3o aud
Hsips H.ei.n,,eE and way 5. s15, and IS IS 40
and 8 D. M, and IL Saturday nights only
Sprng Vsley and Way, snd $780, m. 44o p. NJ -
Rpglewooa B. 49, and $50 1880 10, AIS, 4:4S $780,
$50 7:45 and IL SATURDAY ghts only N a. 40
CreAskin g. 49, and $3.50 1880 $40, 4:lo ooO, o'Su
Sparkhii g. 3 49, and $50 G3O. 3:l5 40 445 o'3o
$50 MAS N, and IL Saturday nights oay ~ - "a, On
Psnont and MACK " ana g3O a u I'5o ''l0 4A' o''V'
Brains leaving ChimberSs. even or nav eaVe
Twpnyd 10 earlier than above time the 10 80 ard
1l30 the time The n aua IL mid Trans 'Iar'
B-Tmns on the N R Newark Branch leaving Chlm-
quarter hoR leave Twenty 80 minutes earlier thar
Ticket for passage sp.rnnts Drawing Room and sepinE
Colehes obtained orders the checkng and transfer
Bre,dss,. cor and ThdsVs
Court Broon the Coupanys DeDois and Of Agen" At The
principal hotels 49,. ,r,,,,
sDa!ly tSundsys onlY. -san1hs nSuie'o'h onV'
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
uINIATrRK ALMANAC.

622 641 Moon se.' S'51
sany Hoot 10 1854 Hell Gate Ferry. O:23
Dsy-P
80 Cows Island IL Hell Gate FerrT U4o
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
CALkHDAR-THis DAr.


. aHEHs -DANIKLs. ..
ll2..lB thr matter 0f the Kama
VIA Goal Oh Go.
l34. Tao People, &S., Cessna.
~ Green a II.
lil. Harms sgI Jso5ba
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27

EevYos from and Coandtss follows:
HARRISBURG Pittsburgh The West aud South WITH Pi
Palace Cars attached, $3.50 D. T. and o'SV n sunday
8. z. $3.50 o, IN. -, =, n,, A. H.
At q a NJ 8 and o D. m suHdsy %. ~,
EIpr Tor PhilaieDha, b. g. $3.50 1851 g. D, Z, ooV
0 D. N and IL night SunlsT. 3, Z. $50. an y D. N
Por Philadelphia via Kensugon At and 6;lO m SUNDAY,
GAO
For s.wsrT al 81 6:3O T. 7;4O $40 o 10 IL. m ~
23O BIO $40 g. $3.50 $40 500. 5iO $40 $3.50 Z 1850
$40 $780, 10 1850 ami IL night SUNDAY o:2O 6lO
'' POi isHS D. $3.50 J4o s:IO 10 IA y
$50 1880 $40 $3.50 TO- 1880 and IL night Ssnda
800 6lO 7 $40 $3.50 and Q .. IN. 80
For Railway. q 6:3O z. $40 o. $3.50. 10 a "a. IL m.
g. 2:30 $40 $40 l. 4SO. $50 $40, g 6l0 $50 T. 1880
Woodbridge Perth AnbOy, and 10 IN, 2i5O saw 4So
fo1 New Brun.~iei and $40 H. 10 $40. 4, $500
g. 10 $50 and II night SUNDAY; $40 $3.50 ard w m
Hast Milestone. 81: m. IL noon ani oi2u p m
FOR LsmbeFtVile and Fenington. a NJ and p. N
For PhilhpsOurz And Beyiiee and p m -
BordeBto Burlington. anI CAmlen ana UJO m
1880, 2. L. 5, and D
For Preeho5.7 A. IA and 4 a. .,
Por Jlnesburg Pemberton Camden NJ and via boat IRON Pier
Tram, sr,y. :. follows. Prom Pittsburgh $3.50 25 M esS
n m daily, 522 lO:lh 800 daiy. Monday
Prom washington baltimore Penn Air Line" $40
425 and TO- 10 D M 6;40 From Peiielpa 5.22
si4 1910 p ssaday. 1;22. 6iu 6:jO, lO.25. l12O
ilss ots 52e 4s5 27 and ga Uoad~,y No Asto on
DesbTo and Corindt Bmisrlnt Hek-, oee No 4
D. NJ BoYD. IT,. Gen Ps~- Agent
ARAT0GA-DlRECT ROUTE-Fare So 70
- hIogh Cuts1a Lac Eegat ahnDoNs DAILY hatartaT
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27

nELAWARE, LACKAWANNA and WEST
~ ERN RAILROAD an MORRIS and ESSEX RAILROAD. con.
Meeting with LEHIGH VALLEY aud FHILADELA al hADihG
RAILROAD and SYRACUSE and BlSGHAhtON sAlLhOAD ana
FGO and SYRACUSE RAILROADage FROM te foot Of Barclay
argt bar-sts
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
Do Dhom II man Concern

I ETTERS, LETTERS, LETTERS.
IL Letters written. literary Arues furnished for nesspapeTi pub
hher individuals, lessons 10 writing PLAN and Piror read
dramatic reading shakespeaan rea0ns music frs wing and
al the eenentsrT uiiss 90 tho very highest Eagsa hrances
Prices 3O 6Oc ST. So and upwards but there will be no reduction
70 her shteavisn who have learned her worth MISS W.
3i8 Bast beTeateenthsL, suJyessntsquare
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
Ghanees tor Business Ellen


A LIGHT BUSINESS, which requires three
n bou which $50 weekly can be earned Hours IVm
10 to . p m. 1867 Broadway. Room "a
A GENTLEMAN needing funds would assign
his his deceased fathers estate held IN
trust and available mouths the basis OF dollars for
one. Apply to T. W. MATHER. l76 Broadway, Room 80
A RARE OPPORTUNITY for Man with Small
"A CaptAl-To LET CIGAR STAND also BARRIERS SHOP. In
6ass Broadway hotel; moderate Call address ODELL
700 West 3ith-st, near Broadway.
A DVERTISERS, ATTENTI0N.-Parties de-
n rous advertising NewYork City will ind to their
'1'Ans' " ~''' BROWN & PULyERMAN
54 West Thirty and 30S West Twenty hi New York
Advertising Agents tor The NsSYork Tribune and other
hrstclass ETY. Journals
DR0OKLYNACADEMY OF MUSIC.-ST0CK
~ ''' GEORGE R BUTTON 81 P.rk.pl.ce.
no YOU WANT BUSINESS7 Look at this
opportunity CARRIAGE REPOSITORY In one Of the most
nv because the much other business would take
sryer required bat energetic India
ppensabe. Address J. NJ. T., HerAh oGee
rINO HOTEL OWNERS.-A gentleman now
hrscsss hotel the Hudson desires the charge OF
hotel aLyes business; has family experienced
me usness give undoubd reference and ocular proof ability
,o prefer division Of profits with the privilege OF
purchasing Address NJ. A. j., Box ia, Tribune Once
rINO CAPITALISTS have one of the best
selected stocks with peest manufacturing buSness Brook
l welding capital at locked
compelled TO seek assistance VIII ener sell on or
,.s responsible havin and leisure at
fully this chance 10 get into %
ying business b. applying TO d. o. HAhksoh S5o Fulton
Brooklyn.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
COUTH SIDE R. r. OF LONG ISLAND.

VNROl .-CITIZENS' LINE for TROY.
PassAge 81 30 The elegsaI steamboats, SlNNlSlph -
POWELL leave Ter No 40 North River So Of Lsroy.t . sA.r
days excepted st o'clock eoaneesg with morning trsins o.
Rensselaer, Saratoga. EevYork Central and Troy aat bSssss
Railroads FOR sll poiais north and west
THE MOST DIRECT ROUTE 10 SARATOGA, LANE 0@oS"s.
AND MONTREAL.
Through teke.s sol checked 70 destination
JOSEPH CORNELL BapenBientssk
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
6tedmpoats ano RAILROADS..


A FTERNOON BOAT for. NEWBURGH,
Cornwall New Hamburg, and Atoa the MAXI fo"LHA
from ysstrvIt. Pier 80 ever afternoon a. o9O oeoeI
ALBANY and TROY, So SARATOGA, S. 90
"A by DAY Line BOATS, C. vlBBARO and DANIEL DREW
Vsy Pier $3.50 and TsS1y sSs norm ~ trK
sT q, sss sIT = P PSSShss RaSsEBsc
ES GsAL tn agDS VEST CPR1 0S 81 and
d, 81 Tickets By special ears and oasRaEe
BRIDGEPORT, and all points on Housatonic
I'D RarosiI Far. ST. steamers leave o.sn
snp, AZ IL and II D. ~ tsunds'' sIfeseol
CATSKILL DAILY LINE.
- steamer NEW CHAMPION every Monday WELLESLEY ara
steamer ANDREW hahDha e.er,
Thursday and Saturday at D. M, from rlsE %, So
CENTRAL RAILROAD OF NEW-JERSSE s /,
Station foot Of LbsLys Co9ae6S ss So"ss,S ws
woss R9o1d P'3ar With [sss and % 14
Pittsburgh and the Vest to Central Psnn'ah ana hs"lo1
S"'' SUMNER ARRANGEMENT
oneueihs June 80 l373e,ye NsvioLs rs f,loTs. u.n,,
@mSEvs .As Tor E1oa 0 san A'''a "'an
8. n-xsy Train for someryile - ,-..-. NJ. u....
chunk wiz bare Ptt,on ash1nOI CITY NJ Cirnel H,.so7
Tosan WaVere7 &c Connects at Junction wit" DEL
as-S6ssrse a t.s.g. sase,y e. EG s As,-
on m,uch Cnunh lansqoa wil1esbaIe ssr,aon
and 70 @Wy Tr,a, for sGHs5,l' ~, Attention.,
NaUeh Chunk hahnoy City Hirsou HEeabae SerinIoa Read
n5 ESQ ScT %wT IsIn for Raoa I'a.osa AID B'ys
$3.50 .. u-Way Train for Planted
m-waY for Eas.on Allentown, snd Mach Chunk Con
meets 81 Function with Del. Lack. and i-est r. K
$50 ,. m-Hsy Train foT Sonerylls aud F.vmi9gsoa
6 D. m-Way Train Tor SonerFie.
b:l5 D. n-Way Train for Plain6sd. -,
$50 -RyESIvG EXPRESS daily for BaE.on Be'dsre Allen
town reading Harrisburg Pittsburgh Chicago &c.
6 ald z D m.-Wsy Train for SonerTie.
1880 D - Emigrant-Por BAston.
g:lJ and II 30 ,. n-Way TFsiIs for Pan1eh. - . -.
FpfEIrbstt at430 $50 G;20, Gas, T. 1870 g. $50 $3.50,
lO.I5 II fll5 M IL 1880. 2 23O 3, 800, $40
4I5 I.3O 445 s. 5:l5 $50 5i5, G, $50 7. 1880, 7:45
$40 9.l5, 1890 1880, IL p. m - $500 . N,
III u p,,ov,v G.,o-,I P,..sp~.- Ayent
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
foan Ohfes.

A MEXICAN OFFICE-735.-U Utmost value
n LOANED Diamonds. Watches, Jsxety, S1sgs" i0'
o"A"" ' j. n BARRISGBR, 735 Brosdwsy
MONEY LOANED on Diamonds, Watches,
WI Jevelry and Silyerware. The same bought . .
GBO. Q. ALLEN. 8i1 Broadway, near Fourteenth,st
NO. 1871 BROADWAY, at II; Is. MEL
WILLIS Cora. and Gold Jewey store Diamonds Wasehe 'ss
elry taken storage and money advanced equs ~"
li9l Broadway near Tweoty sighthst
MO. 1867 BROADWAY, over Herald Branch,
~ Room B-PGo Ladies Branch No l2OI BroaasT money
"Ah's VI @''' $4,000 LIMBO BROS
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27

CARAT0GA--DlRECT ROUTE-Fare So 70
- hosEh Ctsls Lac Exaat sahm5oAs DAILY hatatsrs
exesps hou Pss 40 keuh RTsF foot of LgfoTsL III
nsAss a&ia!ssA az ssgs geOi W. ~ sayA OfJ 81
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
5ales op AurIlon


A. HEEuE, AasaonssL
BANGS, MERWIN a. Co., 656 Broadway,
I'D Bond-saes Of Booka Worfs Of An fsnsr eooes DE
by JOHN II. DRAPER g. Co., Auctioneers.
I'D THE DELAWARE, LACKAwASSA, AND WESTERN KALI
ROAD COMPANY WILL SELL
10000 TONS SCRANTON COAL
AT PUBLIC AUCTION on WEDNESDAY, Aug 81 at ~ o'clock
noon AT 20 ErchAng,place SAMUEL SLOAN President
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27
TRAINS LEAVE NV. YORK.

IL FORD RAILROAD.-Ees- YORK snd NsE Haven Division
SUAhtER ARRANGEMENT. COMMENCING MAY 26 1873
Passenger iors Grand central DepO1 kassoe on
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1873-08-27

Hllsrellaneous.
ALL SKIN DISEASES, OLD ULCERS,
~ Rrupons body from whatever produced cured
By Dr. FULLER. onee No 377 GreenwcBst near Franklin
CTAMMERING.-N Stammering In
~ l07 West Twenty hdst. ropsned A1g No pay for
boanl services until cured Send tor Circular
John DWIGHT a. Co.,
~ Manufacturers OF
SALERATUS, SUPER-CARB. SODA, &C..
No IL oh,lp. EsWYorL
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13
a Dull Swindle.

When the knaves consider how eager the
majority are to be fooled, they must wonder,
like the British General amid the treasures Of
India, at their own forbearGnce What is the
use of telling the truth at all is probably
the question which rises to their minds when
they see how much more marke etable are their
lies A man goes to Minnesota, calls himself
Lord assumes name not in the peerage,
says that his sister wants a few thousand
acres of land &c found a charitable institution,
and the banks and railroads OF the State are
at once at his feet. If his inventions had
been reasonable no one would have believed
him. Il requires more ingenuity an sdvoir
Jdjre 10 get credit for glass of gin than to
get loan of a thousand dollars. This frantic
passion for being swindled is by no means
confined to Americans. An escaped convict
from Germany laid the whole diplomatic body
in Washington under contribution, including
Baron Gerolt and Chevalier Hulseman, simply
by calling himself Count Schwainitz- Karan,
Adjutant 10 the Archduke Macmillan. He
lived in great gala for moath or so,. and his
success seemed to turn his own brain, for he is
now in mad house. A Hungarian named
Estvan, who had lived in New York some
time, went back to Vienna and pillaged the
Hebrew bankers Of that city on the strength
of the preposterous claim that he was Consul
General of the United States in Holland and
Chief of Secret Service to the Emperor of
Mexico" They obcyed the monastic formula
of faith, and believed because it was impossi-
BILE.
But in literature the advcnturers have easier
work than in finance. Let a man, or more
especially a woman, claim to have written
something which belongs to some one else,
and the very fact of the claim being false win
be enough to, gain it credit among half the
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

people who read newspapers. Mrs. Akers will
never again take any comfort out of her pretty
lyric " Rock me to Sleep" since gentleman
in Newark, who does not know the difference
between the movements Of anapests and
dactyls, has brought afidavits to prove he
wrote it. Mr.. Carleton, who has written a
dozen farm ballads all Of the same smell and
sound, is suddenly set down as an impostor
because a woman in New York has persuaded
two or three of her friends that she is the
author of one of them The fact that his
are all from the same piece, and that her vol
ume of watery trash contains not line resem-
bling the piece she stole, weighs nothing in the
mind of the Ay-gobblers, who believe because
1t is in the face of reason to belisve-Ec.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13
Slang.

A few years ago there ran the circuit of the
newspaper press a perfectly uninte eligible
paragraph. 1t first appeared in the London
Punch. The humor of it was that, by the
aid of Johnson's Dictionary, in which every
word could be found, it could be translated
into readable English. There is undoubt-
edly vast wealth of words in the English
language but no small am punt of this wealth
is in what commercial men would call
unavailable assets,' not being at all current
or serviceable. Taste and fashion drop words
out OF daily use ia every generation. An
English grammar remains yet to be written
that is to say, treatise on words, their mean
lngs, their uses, their relatives and combina-
tlOns, based not on other tongues, but on our
own. and its use and history. The rules of
grammar ought to be, like legal precedents,
the result Of experience and custom.
But the worst difficulty which attends our
yernacular is the adoption Of new words and
hideOus and unmeaning slang A specimen of
this abuse, OF sound and sense and reason is
contributed by Western newspaper: The
Mayor galooted up the church aisle, swashay-
ing and gyrating like Chinese joss with the
i'm jamsl" This may be humor, but the
humor is so latent that it does not come out in
any appreaclable manner No doubt the
official referred to made himself sufficiently rdi-
culOus to the writer who was predetermined TO
make fun for him. But certainly even the
charitable purpose of presenting a public
tunctlonary in laughsble manner could have
been accomplished with the legitimate vOcabu-
larry of the most copious of modern languages.
| Slang is not wit Neither is the mis-spell-
ing of words humor. And we may go even
farther, and say that the prevalent disposition
to present everything, serious as well as
trihing, in a ridiculous light, is not only bad as
matter of taste, but mischievous as a matter
OF morals. Yet there are many people whose
sole effort in writing and in conversation ap.
pears to be in the direction of what they con
slider 'smartness." The constant trihlng with
the sad realities of human lite with the seri
Gus work of human kind with the events oi
the day and with the facts of history with
the character of the living and with the memory
of the dead is lowering the tone. not only Of
literature, but of morals. The world itself il
not huge joke; however, some people may
SO affect TO consider it. A cynical temper is tC
its possessor a most unhappy inheritance, anC
10 those With whom he is brought into daily
intercourse it is q perpetual cause Of irritation
While the thoughtless world is, for shor
time, amused with the pictures ofthe humorist
the originals of those pictures are disliking the
author sincerely, if not hating him intensely
Wit in its proper place, and in proper theme
is refreshing. Rude slang devoid of feeling
and careless of private right, is intolerable.-
| LcdQer.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

The st. Louis Democrat is of the opinion
that the spirit of American journalism is pro-
gressve, and in the elucidation of this theory
it remarks that the Congressman of to-day is
not half so great a man in the eyes OF his con-
stituents as his predecessor of twenty years
ago. This statement it explains on the ground
that it is not because the Congressman of to-
day knows less than his predecessors did, but
because his constituents know SO much more.
and this knowledge they have gained through
the newspapers. Commenting on this theme,
the New York Herald adds the remark that
whilst congressman, through their jobs and
corrupt practices, are becoming less and less
objects of public esteem, the respectable news
paper press continually rises higher 10 the
scale of practical influence and popular regard
-Led0er. .ta
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

The Atlanta (Ga.) Herald says: The latest
the Atlanta young men, is to go to restaurant,
buy plate of ice-cream, eat about two thirds,
and then, when the proprietor back is turned
to catch q fly with dexterous swoop of the
hand, slyly drop him in the remaining ice
cream, wallow him around till he is pretty well
broken up, then 10 a voice of dignifed severity
Leaning back in outraged astOnishment: !:
"How the devil do you expect me to eat ice
cream filed with mashed fies2 Bring me q
fresh plate, and LII mix my flies TO suit my
self" The proprietor, overwhelmed with
grief, hurries up another piling plate, and
pours apologies by the peck. 81
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

INTOLERABLE AND TANTALIzING-AL Long
Branch correspondent writes :" My feelings
are capable of bearing up against an ordinary
amount of strain, but when they are put to the
test of listening to a spoony couple making
love every night for three weeks, it is more
than an ordinary young man ought to be ex-
pected to stand. There is young man here
who has been engaged for three weeks in a
dillgent effort to kiss a girl, and has not yet
succeeded They sit near my window on the
weeks love making, is a miksop. Every
night it is tie same story. As l lie down in
my lonely couch, wooing the slumbering god, l
am kept awake by this young mans persistent
begging for kiss. am tempted every night
to get up and ask the girl myself
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

The Edinburg Daily ReUie,o records sn
amusing conversation which took place in the
galleries of the Free Church Assembly one day
lately: Young lady-''There' old DIR. A
going TO speak Isn't he bore ?" Old Lady
laughing (-"Well [ suppose he is; but do
you know rather like him2" Young Lady
Il can't bear him." Old Lady latter some
time e)-"Who is that nice old gentleman speak
ingT Young Lady-"Ah, that's Mr.. b,
of c." Old Lady (hesitatingly)-"Dont t
you think he is-rather prosy2" Young Lady
(indignantly)-"NO, indeed, do not. Allow
Old Lady-'Oh, indeed. Then am glad
that hit the mark SO gently, because Old DIR.
A is my husband. So suppose we have
both got lesson, my dear; don't you think
o2'i
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13
The following is said to be on gravestone
noar Tondo an.

The following is said to be on gravestone
near London:
Poor Marth Shell has gone away.
Her would if she could, but her coudn' stay;
Her had bad legs and baddsh cough,
twas her two bad legs that carriedher off "
The difficulties of rhyme proved too obstinate
for the writer of this epitaph:
Here lies alas! more's the pity
All that remains of Nicholas Newcity.
n. Bills name was Newtown.'
Some of the most amusing epitaphs are in
prose. This one is from a tombstone in
Pennsylvania
Battle of Shiloh,
April 6, 1862.
John D. L was born March 25, 1929, in
the town OF West Dresden, State of New York,
where the wicked cease from troubling and the
weary are at rest"
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

A Baptist paper ia Ohio was sent for nine
years to a subscriber who never paid a cent
for it, The other day the newspaper was
returned 10 the patient and long suffering
publisher with the affecting pencil note on its
margin: "Gone to better world. The
editor is very pious man, but it is reported
that his faith is terribly shaken in regard to
the accuracy of the information.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

YANKEE OYSTERS. the genius who
invented wooden nutmegs, and oats made OF
deal chips cannot yet be "plsyed out" A
Maine man is about 10 apply for patent for
an artificial oyster made out of -four paste,
tapioca, salt aud water. The inventor places
these in second. hand oyster-shells, which are
carefully glued round the edges. There can be
no dispute as TO the success of this invention
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

Two men, disputing about the pronuncia-
tion of the word "either"-one saying it was
ee-ther, the other ither-agreed to refer the
matter to the first person they met, who
happened to be an Irishman, who confounded
both by declaring ''it'S nayther, for it's
ayther"
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

How fast time flies when you are working
against it, how slowly when you are working
to fill it upl. What difference between try
ing to get your work done before your dinner
hour and trying to fill up your hour before
dinner with work.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

This comes from Ohio:
Under this sod
And under these treess
Leith the bod
y of Solomon Peas.
He's not in this hole,
But only his pod;
He shelled out his soul
And went up TO his God"
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

Many Christians are like chustnuts, very
pleasant nuts, but enclosed in very prickly
burs, which need various dealings of nature,
and her grip Of frost, before the kernel is dis
closed
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

Now put your bait on the treacherous hook,
and cast it in the shady brook, for when the
sunEsh sees it squirm, he Il surely go for that
angle worm.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

Agassiz says that the evening hours are the
best for sleep. They are also the best for
sitting up with nice girl.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

A Detroit hotel keeper was so angry with a
man who sent him circular Advertising bed
bug extcrminator that he knocked him down
aud bit of portion OF his ear.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

The best thing in the world is to take things
as they come-take them easy-and take q
good many of them.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

One profession, says Psnch is safe from the
invasion of woman. She may enter the army,
but it is Impossible that she can man the navy.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

A clergyman lately said that the modern
young ladies' were not the daughters of Shem
and Ham but of hem and sham.
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

The young man who boasted that he could
marry any girl he pleased, found that he
couldn't please any
Smyrna times., 1873-08-13

An Indianapolis negro threw dead snake
across a woman's shoulder, and she tainted
away and died.