The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1873-04-16
4 Lagzhable Stsry-

can gentleman upon q visit - a lady
in Paris. % whom BE- bore letters q
Introduction After relating NUM-
Der Of ludicTJus and amusing mistakes
upon his entrance into the p-cSeHce
. Of the lady, be thus proceeds
I The ordinary routine q . Frenca
4 dinner commenced \ regular series
Of servants appeared each In
slant az our elbows. inviting u o.
partake 0f q thousand different kinks
Of wine. under strings Of names
which | no more understood their
composition. or thew did nv gqtcbgr-
tes. Resolate % avoid al further op-
pOrtGnities for displaying nv pred1m-
inant trait, sat ia the most obstinate
silence. saving owi 70 everything that
was offered 70 me. and eating with
+ the most devoted application. TIL nv
fair Deighbor. tired with my taciIgru-
itv and her own. az iecgth herself be-
gaR = conversation b. iaquiril- how
was pleased wi-h the opera Twas
Just raising a large m3r-el af potato
10 nv mouth. and IN order t1rep,y a.
quickly a. possible, I hastily thrust :,
IN, intending . swallow .- hastily.
Heavens, , L was a. h5t a. burning
lava What could lido The Illv's
eyes were fixed upon me-. waiting q
reply % her question But my mouth
vas ia fem | rolled the burning
m0rsel -ler aad thi-ler. rocking nv
head from side % side. while nv
ey-S. which iav0lgn-ar.iY / had iEed
On her, were strained from their sock
. cts She regarded nv -rimace-. 0f
. the cause 5f which -he was ignorant
with an expression 9f amusement al5
surprise az when I can illgh now
when | think u Il.
Monsieur : il,~ at ieaEth she
Zea.i- and In an anxious tone inQuir-
ed I eould bear a5 more- Nv
mouth was HavilZ wiki i1t0lerabe
pain - quietly abandoning The
point, | opened IL % the utmost. and
cut dropped the Internal brand upon
nv plate Not the slightest tendency
- risi5ilirv ruEied the impu--arba5le
{ poligeness Of the lady. Sac soothing
" coadoled with me on nv mist5r-
tune, then gradually Ted the c5uFe--
sati0n 20 a VARIETY Of topics srii eZ-
erting the mage influence that true
/ poliieness always exercises and I be-
gan - forget even nv own blguders.
Gradually mv cheeks burned less
painfully. and I c0gld Join IN the con
vgTsati01 without the fear that every
wo-d | uttered shared the fate Of The
action | attempted / even re1tured
ID hope: nav 70 congratulate myself .
that the catalogue of caIam-ties was .
completed for the dav.
Let 10 man caIl himself happy b. .
fore death said SOl1n. aud be said .
wi=ely-The Ides of March we're not
vet ever-Bef1re Is stood a Dish Of
cauliaower. nicely done n 51tter.-
This I naturally enough took f1r
cu-tard pudding which Z sufficiently
resembled- Unforrunatelv nv voca-
bulaTv vas not extensive enough o.
embrace all the techniealities of the .
table, aad when nv fair neighb0r II .
quired f I was fond of ef9rFeur- 7 .
verify took IL % De French f5r cus-
tard padding. and 50 high was nv
panegyrie of II that nv plate was
b0unIifGlly laden with Il Alas. one
single mogthful was enough 70 dispel
nv Illusion.
Would 70 heaven that the char
feV had vanished with il. But that T.
remained bodily, aai "a I gazed de-
sp0ndiaEly on the large mass that
lOomed almost a. large aad burning
a. YeSuvius, nv heart died within
ne Ashamed 70 confess nv mis-
take. although I could - readily have
swallowed an equal quantity Of soft
soap I struggled 0n mauflllF against
the mountainous heap ar IL base.
and shut nv ewes ald opened nv I.
mouth 70 inhale a. large masses a. .
could without stopping 10 taste It. .
But nv stomach soon began inteliigi- +
bly, enough % intimate is intention .
70 admit 10 more Of this laaseous .
stranger beneath IL roof Il not even Z
expelling tha- which had gained 81
uawelc0me admission
The seriousness 0f the task I had
undertaken, and the resolution nece-
saTy 70 execute IL. had given N earn
eStness and rapiditv 70 nv exertiOns
which appetite could not have iasPir-
Ell, when nv plate. having E0t some
what over the edge Of the table. .uDon .
my leaning forward ril1ed ~. and
down Sid the Disgusting mass inr0
nv lap. Nv handkerchief. unable 70
bear 50 weightv a load. bent under IN +.
IL turn. and great portion Of Il land
ed into nv nat The plate ri-hred
itself-as | raised ny person and saw
as | glanced nv eve around the table
that 10 one had noticed nv disaster.
| inwarGly congratulated myself that
the nauSe0as deception was 50 haupi-
" disposed Of Resolved not % be-
detected. I instantly rolled nv hand
kerchief together. with Is remaining
contents and whipped II into nv
pocket
The dinner table was az length de-
serted for the drawiag-room. where
coffee and hquors we're served round
Meanwhile / lad sought out what |
considered a safe hiding place for nv
hat, beneath 4 chair IN the dining
room. for | dare not carry u anv lon-
ger in nv hand. having first thrown
4 morsel Of paper. 70 hide the cagli-
aower should any one chance. in
seeking i1T his own bar. % lock into
mine
On my return o the drawing room,
| chanced 20 BE- again seated by the
lady bv whom | sat % the table
Our conversation vas resumed. and
We were in the midst q al animated
discussion, when Z huge spider vas
seen running Up her arm.
Take il oH-5ake il oT. - she ejac-
alaied in a terrified voice.
Twas alwavs afraid Of spiders; 50.
to avoid touching him with nv hand.
| caught nv pocket-handkerchief
from nv pocket. aad eiaPped il At
once upon tbs miscreaat, who vas al
ready mounting over her temple with
rapid strides. Gracious heavens : / /