The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-07-04
"COrtJing'' Your MOthe1.~iIt- LatU,s
BedStedd.

! 1t is little singular why your wife's
mother will persist in sleeping on a
| cord bedstead But she does, You
don't think SO much of this until you
are called upon to put it up, which
event generally takes place in the even
ing. The bedstead has been cleaned
i'll the afternoon, and having been
soaked through with hot water, is
now ready for putting up. Your wife
holds the lamp and takes charge of
the conversation. The rope has been
under water several times in the course
of the cleaning, and having swollen
to diameter greater than the holes
in the rails, has also got into a fit of
cOiling up into mysterious and very
intricate forms You at first wonder
at this, but pretty soon wonder ceases
to be a virtue, and then you scOld.-
The thread which has been wound
around the end of the rope to facili-
tate it's introduction in the holes has
come off, and you have to roll it up
again Then after yon have pulled
it through eight holes your wife makes
the discovery that you have started
wrong. The way the rope comes out
of those holes again makes your wife
get closer to the door You try again,
and get it tangled in your legs. By
this time YOU notice that this is the
smallest bed room in the house, and
you call the attention of your wife to
the fact bv observing: why On
earth don't yon open the door! DO
YOU want to smother me ?' She opens
the door and you start again, and she
helps You with the lamp. First she
puts it on the wrong side to the rail,
then she moves it 50 the heat comes
up from the chimney and scorches your
nose. Just as you need it the most
YOU lose sight of It entirely, and turn
ING around find her examining the
wall to see how that man put on the
whitewash. This eXcites you, and
brings out the perspiration i'll greater
profusiOn, and you declare You Will
kick the bedstead out of doors if she
doesn't come around with that light.
Then she comes around. Finally the
cord is laid all right, and you proceed
to execute the very delicate job Of
tightening it. The lower ropes are
first walked over. This is done by
stepping on the first one and sinking
it down, hanging to the hcad-bOard
with the clutch of death. Then Won
step with the other foot on the next
line, spring that down, lose your bal
ance. grab for the head-board, and
miss it, and come down in a heap
This is repeated more or less times
across the length of the bed, the only
variety being the new places you
bruise The top cords are frightened
in another way, and you now proceed
to that. You first put one foot on
each rail, which spreads with you some,
and as you do it the frightful thought
strikes YOU that if one of these feet
should slip over, nothing on earth
would prevent you from being split
through to the chin. Then you pull
up the first rope until your eyes seem
to be on the point of rolling out of
their sockets, and the blood in your
veins fairly groans, and on being con-
vinced that you can't pull it any fur
ther without crippling yourself for
life, YOU catch hold of the next rope
and draw that up, and grunt. Then
YOU move along to the next, and pull
tuaU up, ;tuu grunG az ain J'toO - "a
have cot to the middle and commence
to think that YOU are about through,
even if your joints will never again
set as they did before, you some way
or other miss the connection, and find
that you have got to go back and do
it all over Here you pause for few
minutes of oracular refreshmcnt, and
then slowly and carefully work yonr
way back. You don't jump down and
walk back, because you are afraid to
spread out in that way again. You
sort Of waddle back, working the way
inch by inch, and with consummate
patience. A man thus stretched across
a bedstead never becomes SO excited
as to lose his presence of mind. 1t
would be instant death if he did
Then he goes over it again waddiing
and pulling, groaning and grunting,
while his wife moves around with the
lamp. and tells him to take it easy,
and not scratch the bedstead any more
than he can help, and that she can't
tell which creaks the most, he or the
bedstead And after he gets through
she has the audacity to ask him to
bring in the feather beds. In the
dead of night that man will steal up
to that room and look at that bedstead,
and swear-D DGnbu7y Neacs.
AN editor in small to1Un in Indiana
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