davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
Right the First Time.

"As was riding along the road some
time ago." said the eccentric old Peter
Cartwright, in one of his last sermons, ga
man overlook me who looked as though he
might be preacher. He called me by
name, and after some talk asked me If |
was ready to hear the truth. told him
that Cartwright was my name, my debts
were paid, my will made, and / was ready
for anything. " cry well, said he, "you
old ignoramus, or hypocrte, you ought to
know too much, or be too honest to remain
a Methodist. used to be one myself--yes,
Methodist preacher-until found out
the error of my way Ho hoT said /,
and what are you now? ?" Cartwright
mentioned the name of the denomination
to which his interlocutor had gone, but
which need not repeat, and then proceed
ed Now, brethren, knew we'll enough
that the devil had only one of three ways
to get a man out of the Methodist Church
into that denomination and that there
must be rascality in money matters a
woman scrape, or liquor at the bottom of
this fellows change. So, judging from his
looks, pulled a bow at venture and said:
"What was the fuss you had about a
woman?" Cartwright, you old rascal y
he shouted in rage, how did you ever
hear about thatp And, putting whip to
his horses, he was soon out Of sight.
never saw or heard Of the man before but
that's the way freed that coon-no, drove
that skunk to his hole"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
OPPOSITE THE COURT Ho USE,
NEW BLOOMFIELD, PA.

We receive money on deposit and pay back on
demand. We discount notes for period OF not
over 60 days. and sell Drafts on Philadelphia and
New York.
On time Deposits five per cent. forany time over
four months; and for four months four per cent.
We are well provided with all and every facility
for doing Banking Business; and knowing, and
for some years, feeling the great Inconvenience un-
der which the people OF this County abored forthe
want of Bank of Discount and Deposit, we have
have determined to supply the want and this being
the first Bank ever established in Perry county, we
hope will be sustained in our efforts, by all the
business men, farmers and mechanics.
This Banking Association is composed of the fol-
lowing named partners:
VA. sPoSsLER, Bloomfield, Perry county, Pa.
WIN. ii. MILLER, Carlisle,
OFFICERS:
W. A. SP0NSLER, President.
WILLIAM WILLIS. Cashier
New Bloomfield, SLY
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02

ssXTER ish der gasheer9" calculated
the breathless Teuton as he


the breathless Teuton as he
bounded up the steps and in the door.
A courtly gentleman made the bland
response, II am the cashier, sir what can
we do for you to-day ?"
"Vot gan you do vor me, sacrement
Dot ish a pooty node, aind it Do vor
meP Herr Got donnerwetter und zeifen-
blizen ! wants dot monish--mine gold
vot / make deposit nit dis here pank
poetry soon last summer, und--"
"We have temporarily suspended pay
ment, sir, by an arrangement similar"
Arrangements similar, der tuyfel p
broke in our Hebrew friend "vat do
want nit your arrangements wants dot
monisl-fve tousand dollar vat / makes
deposid here all der vile und l wants him
pooty quick, too, oof you dond wants some
droobles right away ~
"Calm yourself, my friend, and let us
talk this matter over. shall be glad to
certify your checks for your balance with
us, and"
"Certify nodings Vat you thinks 1 vas
one fool? Here, here pounding the
counter with his fists) / wants dot monish
dot gold-efry cent, und / wants him
right away, queek, owt, oder make you
a heep O. droobles pooty soon Gif me
dot monish-dot greenbacks- ish all l
want Make him owt queek, und goes
right away off, und you can go nit der
tuyfel und your old bank p'
Seeing there was no way Of reasoning with
his excited customer, the cashier turned to
his paying teller and said "Mr. -,
cash this mans check for his balance in
full"
The Chicago dealer in sheep clothing''
nervously drew up the check and the ur-
bane teller counted out the sum it called
for. The Teuton drew in one good long
breath, counted his money carefully, put it
in his breast pocket, and went his way
happy man. The cashier went back to his
Office, and had been seated there some min
utes when the prominent nasal appendage
of his Teutonic customeEagain overshad-
owed the counter and his voice was again
heard
Mr.. CASHIER, wood like to speak NIT
you some dings."
Thinking that perhaps his customer had
recovered from his fright and desired to re-
deposit his funds, the cashier responded
quickly and came forward to the counter.
Well, sir, what is the matter now9''
"Vell,you see, ven hear about dis dings
NIT der panks l was in Shecago, und
must gum rigid away queek here und
drinks dot it will pc all righd ven you bay
mine leedle expenses down here und pack
home und--"
Pay your expenses ~ broke in the
cashier. "Pay your expenses Well, that
is an idea, to be sure. See here, my friend,
how many brass bands do you suppose
could be supplied with instruments from
that cheek of yours, and then have bronze
enough left to make equestrian statue of
Jim Fisk? About how many six-gun bat
teries of twelve-pound Napoleon howitzers
were melted down to make that cheek,
anyhow?"
The excited individual from Chicago
eyed his interlocutor with the injured air
of one who thinks he has been refused a
very reasonable request, and then sadly
preceded his coat tails out of the bank. He
had got his money.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
Such Fun.

A PERUVIAN, officer stationed on
IN board man-of-war lying in Calico
harbor writes correspondent, had a
lovely and devoted Peruvian wife, land both
were devoted to each other, but both un-
reasonably jealous. An American officer
fond of a practical joke, and great favor
ite with husband and wife, conceived a very
clever trick, as he thought, to break them
of their unfounded jealousy. He caused
note to be sent to the wife that her husband
was in the habit of going to a certain street
and number, and asking at the door for a
Signorita Mercedes, each week, on such a
day and hour He also had an anonymous
note sent to the husband that the wife was
seen weekly going at the same day and
hour to such street and number and ask
ing at the door for Signor Mercedes. 1t
was large dress-making establishment,
but never patronized by the wife. Secur-
ing in some way the aid of a servant of
the establishment, he awaited the fun"
as he supposed. The wife, true to her
womanly curiosity and jealousy, came first,
closely veiled, and in trembling voice,
said, "Signorita Mercedes" and was shown
into an ante-room. The husband, few
minutes later, and punctual to the hour
specified, presented himself at The door and
rung. To the boy who opened it he said
simply, "Signor Mercedes" and was at
once shown into the room where sat his
xuifa Pnfl nj I
found you out p ~ have caught you p'
&c. Neither would listen to explanation
or reason. The wife screamed and cried
the husband swore and stormed, each ac-
cusing the other. After both were ex-
hausted, the lady of the establishment,
hearing the noise, came in, listened to
the parties in astonishment, and protest
ed that she had seen neither of them ever
there before. The boy was called lin; in
fright he confessed the money paid him for
the fun;'' was cuffed, kicked, and dis
charged and the husband and wife went
hom arme in arm, happy and ashamed.
But the friend who hadgotten up the fun:
The evening of the denoument, while in
his room knock came at the door. He
said, "Come in, and in walked the hus-
band and wife. Without a word they
"went for'' him then and there. They
scratched him and tore out his hair; they
banged and beat him, and pulled out his
beard they cuffed and kicked them, and
left him with torn clothes, bleeding and
dishgured. He kept his bed for week,
his eyes were closed for a fortnight, and
his friends ON shipboard never dared to
ask him what was the matter with him.
GB- A good looking Irishman stopping at
a hotel to warm himself, inquired of the
landlord
"What is the news?"
The landlord, disposed to run upon him,
replied
"They say the devil is dead"
An sure" says Pat, "that's news
indade."
Shortly after, he went up to the bar, laid
down some coppers and resumed his seat.
The landlord, always ready for customer,
asked him what he would take.
Nothing at ALL" said Pat.
Then why did you put this money
down." ii
can sure, sir, it's the custom in my
own country, when a chap loses his daddy
to give him few coppers to help him pay
for the wake" 8ta sf 8a
eB- The most noble feeling Of the heart
is true love. "tf
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
How Harris was Cured.

i 40 SenC lOr III BredJ naSteJ W dUVenu
Il man of responsibility, whose wife a
lady of intelligence and refinement, had
discovered him in his room lying senseless
upon the floor.
On arriving at the house, l found Mrs
Harris in great distress of mind.
"What is the matter with Mr.. Harris ?"
/ asked on meeting his lady, who was in
tears, and looking the picture of distress.
"pm afraid it is apoplexy," she replied.
~ found him lying upon the floor, where
he had, to all appearances, fallen suddenly
from his chair. His face is purple, and
though he breathes, it is with great diff
Guilty"
Invent up to see my patient. He had
been lifted from the floor, and was lying
upon the bed. Sure enough, his face was
purple, and breathing labored; but some
how the symptoms did not indicate ap-
oplexy. Every vein in his head and face
was filled, and he lay perfectly stupid but
still saw no clear Indication of an actual
or approaching congestion of the brain.
"Hadnt he better be bled, doctor ?"
asked the anxious wife.
81 don't know that it is necessary" !
replied 81 think if we let him alone it
will pass off in the course of few hours"
GA few hours he may die in half an
hour" she exclaimed.
81 don't think the case SO dangerous as
that, madam"
"Apoplexy not dangerous ?''
"I hardly think it apoplexy," 1 repli-
ed.
"Pray, what do you think it is, doc
tor ?"
Mrs. Harris looked anxiously into my
face as she spoke.
/ deliberately limited that he might pos
sibly have been drinking too much brandy
but this she positively and almost indig-
nantly objected to.
"No, doctor. / ought to know about
that" she said. depend upon it, the
case is more deeply seated. l am sure he
had better be bled. Won't you bleed him,
doctor A few ounces of blood taken
from his arm may give life to the stagnant
circulation of the blood in his veins"
Thus urged, after some reflection,
ordered bowl and bandagc, and opened a
vein, from which the blood flowed freely,
and relieved him of about eight ounces of
his circulating medium. But he still lay
insensible as before, much to the distress
of his poor wife.
Something else must be done, DOCTOR"
she urged, seeing that the bleeding had
accomplished nothing. "If my husband
is not quickly relieved he must die,"
BY this time several friends and relatives
who had been sent for, arrived, and urged
upon me the adoption of some more active
means for restoring the sick man to con-
seriousness. One proposed blisters all over
the body, and another blister on the
head another, immersion in hot water
! suggested that it might be well to use
stomach pump.
"WbN doctor?" asked one of his
friends.
" Perhaps he has taken some drug" I
replied.
Impossible, DOCTOR" said his wife,
He has not been from home to-day, and
there is no drug OF any kind IN the
house."
No brandy ?" ] yentured the asser-
tion again. 'f"
"No, doctor No spirits Of any kind,
not even wine In the house, F." returned Mrs.
Harris, in an offended tone.
/ was not the regular family physician,
and had been called in to meet the alarm
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
Enigma.

l am trunk with two lids two caps two
musical instruments; two established measures
a great number of articles that a carpenter can
not dispense with. Then Ihave with me at all
times couple of excellent fish, and great
number of smaller ones; two lofty trees of fine
flowers two kinds, also fruit. Two playful
animals, and number of less playful ones;
also fine stag. A great number of whips
without handles; some weather cocks. Also
some weapons of war. The steps Of hotel;
the house of Commons on the eve of division;
two scholars, and number of Spanish
grandees to wait on me.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
FERRY HOUSE,
New Bloomfield, Pa.

|E,HE subscriber having purchased the property
- on the corner OF Maine and Carlisle streets,
opposite the Court House, invites all his friends
3ld former customers TO give him call as he Is
ftermined o furnish irst class Accommodations,
THO1LAG 6UTC1f, y y
4 ltf. Proprietor.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02

tB- Gain friend by quarrel, il 1t is
possible never lose one--however, this is
possible for there is a peculiar mode of
conduct even when dissension reigns, that
commands veneration and generates es-
teem. af Ms aB
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02

The above cut represents as well as SO
small picture can, the Chrome Yo
SEMTE," given as premium to subscribers
for the Times and Woods Magazine.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02

gB- Conceit and confidence are both of
them cheats, the first always imposes on
itself, the second frequently deceives others
too.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
Perry County Bank !
Spoons ler. JumI&iM AZ 90.

TINE undersign ID, having formed Banking AS.
Il sociation under the above name and style, are
now ready to do a General Banking business at
their new Banking House, on Centre Square,
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02
LOOK OUT!

IN would respectively inform my friends that In.
u tend calling upon them with a supply OF goods
bfmy
OWN MANUFACTURE.
Consisting OF
cAsSIMERS, ~
CAS5INETS,
FLANNELs. (Plain and bar'd)
CARPETS, Sc,
0 exchange for wool or cell for cash.
IN. BIxLER
CENTRE wooLEN FACTORY. 6,l7,4m,-
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

THE REMEDY FOR CoNsUMPTIoN.-We
do not speak now of the first cough, which
SO many people neglect We do not speak
of the sputa streaked with blood which
warns of danger nor yet of the chilliness
and weakening night sweats, sure harbin-
gers of a once fatal disease, but we speak
of the thing gitself-Consumption in its dir
est form, which DIR. Keyser has often, and
is now weekly and monthly. curing with
his extraordinary medicine, known as Lung
Cure. DR.. Keyser's Lung Cure has be-
come as justly celebrated for the cure of
Consumption as Quinine ever was for the
cure of ague. No weakening, blood i'm
poverishing medicine, but a builder up
and strengthener of the human constitu-
ton, in vast class of chronic diseases,
which DIR. X. has treated successfully for
years, among which Consumption is the
chief Get the Doctors essay free, at his
office, 167 Liberty street, Pittsburgh, Pa.
Price of Lung Cure, $3.50 per bottle, or
$3.50 per half dozen.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09
STILL LATER.

''FvERY DISEASE HAS ITS REMEDY. -
Upon this broad fact is founded tho whole
art and science of medicine.
That every disease has its curd5Es stage
under proper treatment, there can be no
doubt.
That they have their incurable stage,
undor any tr atment may be equally true.
The curable period is during the early
part OF the disease, Of course the incura-
BILE being the advanced condition the last
stage.
To know the precise nature, ertent and
locality of the disease is of the first impor-
tance i'll the treatment Of any case.
This is precisely the reason given by
Drs. Oldshue, of Pittsburgh, for bringing
into requisition the Microscope Test-tube
Urinometer, and all the chemical appara-
tus for the scientific examination of the
urine in all chronic and complicated cases
The long afflicted have not been slow to
appreciate these scientific aids, and the
consequence is, their Office is one continued
thrOng of patients, from all parts of the
country, seeking the advantage of their
skill in diagnosis.
a knowledge OF the appropriate remedy,
however, is quite important, as without
the remedy no advantage would be gained
by knowing the disease.
Every disease has its remedy. This is
verified in the fact that different medicines
spend their action upon different parts of
the human system.
AS each particular disease spends its
principal baneful action upon certain
organ or tissue of the body, according to
It's peculiar nature, SO each particular rem
edy spends its medicinal action upon cor
tain organ or tissue, according to its medi-
cinal qualities.
Having knowledge of the true nature
of the case. as also of the appronriate rem,
coy, the next matter of Importance is its
proper preparation and application.
This should be carefully attended to,
and, as far as practicable, all medicines
should be examined by the physician he
fore being put into the hands of the patient
or nurse.
This is done in the Office of Drs. Oldshue
before mentioned
All their medicines are compounded and
their prescriptions filled by their own
special direction, and under their own su-
pcrvision.
no Medicines are passed from their pre-
scrlptions but through their hands.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

THERE has not been any fighting at
the lava beds since the 26th of April
when the Modocs SO completely sur
prised and slaughtered Capt Thomas
and his command. Gen. Davis, who
succeeds Gen. Candy, had arrived at
headquarters, but does not intend com
mencing operations against Capt. Jack
and his handful of braves, ,ssntil he has
fully studied the topography of the
country. It's deeply humiliating that
forty armed Indians should he able to
defy the power of the government and
battle the skill of it's military officers.
1t is not, however so much to be Won
dered at, when we consider the pecu-
liarities Of the lava beds, within and on
the skirts of which Capt. Jack con-
ducts his willy operations. Army Off
GERS assert that forty Modocs III their
present location are equal to two
thousand men in a square, stand up
fight.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

''FoUR panels were left III the freScoing
room by the Senate Committee on Foreign
Relations, with the understanding that
they were to he filed by the portraits of
four of the most eminent Chairmcn of that
committee since the foundation of the gov
ernment. These have finally been filled
at the urgent request of Senator Cameron
but it has not been asCertaincd who made
the selections. The portraits painted with
this understanding are those of Cameron,
SLmner, William Allen, Of Ohio, and Henry
Clay"
The Washington correspondent of a
city paper furnishes the above inter
e5ting item of intelligence. All who
are familiar with the disreputabie pub
lie career of Simon Cameron will have
no difficulty in ascribing to him this
insult to the pride and intelligence of
the American people. The circum-
stances connected with his elevation to
the chairmanship Of the most impor-
tant and responsible committee Of the
Senate that on Foreign Affairs, are
too fresh to require repetition here.
That he does not possess one single
qualification for an intelligent discharge
Of the duties of the position is hui
initiating fact. His total incOmpetency
was made painfully manifest when the
treaty of Washington was before the
Senate for ratification or rejection.
Cameron's incapacity to discuss and
explain it was so well known and ad-
mitted by radical Senators, that in or
der to save the credit of the admins
tration its ablest representative, Nor
ton of Indiana, was selected to defend
the treaty, and Cameron was compelled
to hold his peace. And now this dis
carded Ex-Secretary of War, this cor.
rupter of the politics of Pennsylvania
hv the exercise of his usual trickery
and brazen assurance, procures his
Cassius-Iike portrait to be painted OF
the same panel in the Capitol along
side of Clay, Allen, and Sumner
Henry Clay is dead and cannot there
fore resent this insult to his greatnamt
and reputation, but Allen and Sumner
are both living and must keenly fee
the stigma. Toplace Simon Cameron
on an equality with Clay, Alien, and
Sumner, is about as preposterous rs Il
would be to paint on a panel the pol:
trait of John j. Patterson. of South
Carolina, between those of Webster
and Calhoun: or speaking in heroic
sense, to attempt to confer honor and
renown on that greatest of military
charlatans, Benjamin F. Butter, by
sandwiching his sinister cOuntenance
between the expressive features of the
great Napoleon and the iron Duke.
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

PHIIETUs SAWYER, n radical mem
Der of Congress from Wisconsin, in
vested his extra pay, amounting to
nearly $4,000, in L. s bonds, and one
day last week, in the presence of a
number Of his friends, burnt them, thus
reducing the public debt to just that
extent. Sawyer's unwillingffess to en-
rich himself at the peoples expense is
commendable, even though it comes q
little late. If all the other Congress-
men who took the "swag' would do as
Sawyer has done, the reduction of the
debt would amount to something hand
some. Then, if Grant would do like
wise with his $4,000 year extra, the
millennium might confidently be looked
for
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

"A terrible accident occurred Sunday
afternoon at the bridge being erected over
Lamlne river, on the northeastern extern
sion of the Missouri, Kansas and Texas
Railroad, fourteen miles from Sedalia, Mo-
The false work erected for facilitating the
construction of the bridge sank into the
quicksands upon which it rested, carrying
with it the bridge timbers and twelve work
men, preciptating all into the river. 1t is
believed that VIM. NJ. Cancy, Peter Con-
ners, and Harry Lynch were killed out
right, and eight others wounded, two of
whom are not expected to recover. Lynch
was married man and came from Hart,
Mich. The bodies were taken to Sedalia
last night, where an inquest was held, and
the verdict was that the insecure founda-
ton of the false work was the cause of
DEATH
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

Hon. II. \. McA LLIsTER, of Belle
fonte, a delegate-at-lsrge to the Con-
stitutional Convention, died after a
brief illness at his lodgings in Phila-
delphia, on last Monday. Mr.. Meal
lister was q member of the bar and oc-
cupied high rank in his profession.
lie was public spirited citizen, and
his loss will be sensibly felt in his own
immediate locality. Hewas regarded,
and justly too, rs one Of the ablest,
most industrious and useful members
of the convention. Two of the most
prominent delegates to the convention
have died suddenly-Col. Hopkins of
Washington county during the winter
and now Mr. McAllistcr
The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-05-09

Mr.. Peter Butcher, of Evansville,
Ind, has little boy, five years old, who
has slept almost constantly for three
months. The child was first attacked by
a pain i'll his foot, and this was soon sue
ceeded by violent spasms, which were fol-
lowed by paralysis. When the spasms
passed off, the little fellow went to sleep
and continued to sleep until reused by vio-
lent shaking, or until the''spasms returned.
He takes such nourishment as the physi-
clans prescribe for him, and does not seem
to have wasted in flesh. He has lost the
power of speech, and, in fact. seems to
have no control over his muscles except
that when reused he opens his eyes.