Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-04-02
CAMP STORIES.
Some of &C John Phmnix's,' Funny Re-
miniscences. te-

...E--T CAMfa rSIOh1ESs
Some of &c John Ph@nix's,' Funny Re-
miniscences. E.1
Among the many good things told
by John Phoenix (Lieut. Derby are
his "Camp "reminiscences: 7at
ssJUsT HELP YOURSELF TO THE MUS
-.5 TARD.
In New Mexico Capt. A. B., of the
First Dragons, commanding company,
had been stationed about forty miles
from small post commanded by Lieut.
O. B., of the infantry. One day Capt
A. B. concluded to ride over and give
his neighber call !; so throwing him
self athwart noble steed he started,
and after hard gallop-forty miles is
respectable ride, you know-he ar
rived at 0. B. S tent just as the drum.
mer was performing that popular air,
ooh, the roast beef of old England.
Refining in his horse and shaking
hands with O. B., who came forth
to greet him, son hospitable thought
been to dinner ~ emo, ] haven't"
was the reply, "just going; come in,
come in" "Devilish glad of 1T"
said B. dismounting, never was SO
hungry in my life" swell, come
in," said O. B., and they went in
accordingly, and took seats at small
uncovered pine table, on which SER
want shortly placed a large tin pan
full of boiled rice, and a broken bot
tie half full of mustard. The captain
looked despairingly around-there was
nothing else. "Abe," said O. B.,
as be drew the tin pan toward him,
+" are you fond of boiled rice q"
$ Well. no." said Abe, somewhat hes
itatingly, ''I can't say that I am
very-Lawrence." "Ah,' replied
Lawrence, coolly, "a0eU,- Just help
yourself to the mustard !!'' He was
from South Carolina, " said o. B., when
he told this story, "and they eat rice
down there somewhat es
HAD HIM THERE" sa
Old Col. Tom. S., of the infantry, a
very large, burly, red faced gentleman,
with snow-white head and a voice like
a bass trombone, has an unfortunate
habit of thinking out loud. While
stationed temporarily at Washington,
the old gentleman one Sunday morning
took 1t into his head to go to church,
where he took seat in a pew beneath
the pulpit, and, prayer-book in hand,
attentively followed the clergyman
through the entire service. It happen
ed to be the 18th day of the month
but in giving out the Psalms
for the day, the Rev. Mr.. P. made a
mistake and announced, "The 10th
day of the month, morning prayer, be-
ginning at the 10Th Psalm When, to
the establishment of the congregation,
Old Col. Tom, in the pew below, in.
deep bass voice thought aloud, GO The
17th day Of the month, By Jupiter :"
The clergyman Immediately corrected
himself "Ah the 18th day of the
month, morning prayer, beginning at
the 85th Psalm. When the propriety
of the assembly was Immediately dis
turbed by another thought from Old
Tom, who in the same deep tone re.
marked, " Had him there ?" He had,
certainly, and the congregation also.
THE TALE OF sERENADE
When the gallant Col. Magruder, of
conylvial memory, commanded the
United States forces at the Mission of
San Diego, it entered into that officer s
head to execute a serenade for the be-
hoof of certain fair ladies then honor
ing New Town with their presence.
Accordingly all the officers of the mess
who could sing, play or beat time, were
pressed inte the service, and one night
about 12 O'Clock jolly crowd left the
Mission for New Town, in a
large wagon plentifully furnished
with guitars, flutes and other ar
rangements of musical nature. 1
Among the rest, a jovial young SUR
geon, attached to the command, had
installed himself at the back seat with
his instrument which happened on
this occasion to be bottle of whisky,
and on which he played during the
ride with such effect as to have raised
his spirits at the arrival of New Town
considerable above the fifth ledger
line. You may remember a Bowery
song, rather popular in those days, the !
chorus of which ran:
"Oh my name is Jake Keyser was born in
Spring Garden, .iz ,...-,ss--,,s. -
10 make me preacher my father did try ;rrl
But it's no use blowing, for | am hard one.
Aud am bound to be butcher, by Heavens,
or die.n
This unfortunate song had somehow
or other occurred to the doctor: he
couldn't get rid of it; he couldn't help
singing it and accordingly when the
whole party were duly ranged beneath
the window with flutes and voices up
raised, and We're solemnly bleating
forth
soft in the Silly night" g q
the entertainments were disagreeably
varied; for far louder than the "stilly
night" rang the wild medical chant,
only varied by an occasional hic,
"Oh my name is Jake Keyser, &c.
fercely on the delinquent Escu1apius,
Col. Magruder commanded him to
desist from the interruption, and to
" theneeforth hold his peace.
With admirable strategy the doctor
backed up against the adjacent fence,
where he could deliver himself safely
and to advantage, and with most in
tense dignity replied, "Col. Magruder,
I'm rofficer of the AIRY, when
I'm ath' Mission, I'm under your
orrors consider se'f so-and-
obey i'm but, when I'm down
here, sir! serrerading- oh, Pm
bound to be q butcher, bu Heavens,
or die aohoop !" and after perform
ing an extempore dance of fantastic
description, during which he fell to
the earth, the doctor was borne by
main force to the wagon, where he
slept at intervals during the remain
der of the serenade, occasionally
waking as some flourish of extra
shrillness or power occurred, to NUT
ter incoherently, that his "name was
Jake Keyser." $685. n ~ 4