davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Carving a Turkey.

u
There is nothing, says Max Adler, n
young unmarried mNnlikes better than
to go to dinner Mt the house OF q
friend and be asked to carve the turkey.
He never carved turkey in his life,
and with an old maid on one side OF
him watching him closely, and on the
other side n fair girl for whom he has
a tenderness, he feels embarrassed
when he begins. First he pushes his
knife down toward ono OF the thigh
joints. He can't find the joint, and he
plunges the knife around in search Of
II until lie makes mince meat out OF
one whole quarter OF the fowl. Then
he sharpens his knife and tackles it
again. At last, while making q terrific
dig, lie hits the joint suddenly, and the
leg flies into tho maiden lidy's lap,
while her dress front is covered with d
shower OF stnffing. Then he goes for
the other leg, and wien tho young Indy
tells him he looks warm, the weather
seems to him suddenly to become 400
degrees warmer. This leg he finally
pulls loose with his fingers. He lays
it on the edge of the plate, aud while 10
is hacking at the wing he gradually
pushes tho leg over on the clean table
cloth, and when he picks it up 1t
slips from his hand into the gravy dish
md splashes the gravy around for six
square yards, just us he has made up
his mind that the turkey has no joints
to its wings, the host asks him II he
thinks the Indians can really DO civil
lied. The girl next to him laughs, and
he says he will explain his views upon
the subject after dinner. Then he sops
his brow with his handkerchief, and
presses tho turkey so hard with his fork
that it slides OF the dish and upsets n
goblet Of water on tile girl next to him.
Nearly frantic, lie gonges away again
ut the wings, gets them of in a mutt.
lated condition, and digs into the breast.
Before lie can cut any of, tho host asks
him why he don't help out the turkey.
Bewildered, he puts both legs on o
plate and hands them to the maiden
lady, and then he helps the young girl
to n plateful Of stuiling, mud, while tax.
ing her plate in return, knocks over the
grayy.boat. Tken he sits down with
the calmness Of despair and fans him.
self with napkin, while the servant
girl clears up and takes the turkey to
the other end Of the table. He doesn't
discuss the Indian question that day.
He goes right home after dinner, and
spendstkenight trying to decide wileth.
er to commit suicide or to take lessons
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Honor TO American EnlIghtenmcnt.

Nino grand diplomas OF honor, the
highest prizes, have been awarded to
America at the Vienna Exposition. Tho
mere prominent RrG rs follows:
FiSt-To the United Statos Govern.
ment for display Of cotton md cotton
products,
cation.
Third-To the State Of Massachusetts,,
Fou.th-To the city Of Boston.
Fiith-To the Smithsonian Institute,
Washington.
These four for excellence in methods
and progress Of education and schools.
Sixth-To Walter Abbott Wood, Of
Hoosic Falls, N. Y, for agricultural
soyontil-To William Sellers 4 Co.,
Philadelphia, for progress in iron
manufacturer,
Eighth-To Samuel s. White, for
Nintli-To George Il. CorliSs, Of New
York. for mqchines
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

The Boston Traveller relntes IN incl
dent which lately occurred in village
church in New England. BY invitation
from the regular pastor, divine from
the city filed the pulpit on q recent
Sunday, delivering an able and eloquent
extCmporaneouB discourse, much to the
qualification of his auditors, but some.
what to the discontinue OF the regular
pastor, who is adapted neither by ma
ture nor education to extempore speak
ing, and consequently always reads his
sermons. On the following Sunday he
entered the pulpit as usual, announced
his text, and, much to the surprise Of
his listeners, deliberately closed the
Bible and proceeded to speak extern
poraneously. For about tsn minutes
10 moved along nicely, and his hearers
were charmed with tho change; but
then, in tho middle Of an eloquent
period, with hand outstretched and
attitude perfect, ho hesitNted, his arm
dropped, ho could not collect his ideas,
and perceiying that something must be
done at once, snid Brethren, lot us
hold prayer.mOoting."
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

An extraordinary incident, arising mp.
pare ntly out Of the FeniAn outbreak OF
1867, has taken place in London. It
will BIO remembered that in the Nutumn
of that year an attempt was made tC
blow zap tho House OF Detention in
Clerkeuwell, London, proceeding
which cuused the liveliest alarm, inns.
much rs it was suspected to be only the
prelude to much more OF the same kind
OF thing. A few weeks ago woman
named Denny loft the lodgings which
she had ocssupied for some time while
living with Fenian named Desmond.
Among her effects, which she borrowed
neighbours truck to remove, WINS box
which presently was discovered to be on
FIRE. The mob pulled tho box off the
truck, when some OF the contents ex-
ploded. Tho place was lit up rs il the
whole of tho street was on fire, and the
contents OF ONE Of thecans it contained
were kicked about. Seven or eight per-
sons were injured by the fire, more es-
pecially u sweep, who was severely
burnt, and is now an inmate of the hos
pital. The affair seems to have been
most serious. Several iirn.engines were
brought ont i,r the purpose of extin-
gushing tho flames that had broken
out, but were not required, the inAnm-
mable matter having been promptly
taken away. A woman, in jumping
from the first floor to escape from the
flames, broke her leg and is now in q
very critical state. A man, in rescuing
little girl, burnt his hands. Two
police constables, while attempting to
put out the fire in the house, were much
burnt in the hands, and have been in
capacitated from duty. After the fire
was 0xtinguished rigid examination Of
the premises WIS made by the hremen,
and one OF them in searching the room
of Desmond, discovered u can about
two feet high. He was about to strike
IL with his axe when he saw smoke issu.
ing from it, and ho then placed it 10 q
pail OF water and conveyed 1t to the
ward, where it was covered over with
sand and ashes. Tho can appeared to
be Allied with the composition, and not
withstanding the precautions taken, the
contents burst into a subdued flame,
which lasted for several hours, emitting
most sufTocating odor. The utmost
alarm prevailed among tho Inhabitants
Of tho marrow court, many Of whom re.
NAMED up all night, and it was COM
monty believed that the Greek fro had
been intended for Fenian purposes.
Mrs. Denny was romauded, the magis-
trate entir Sly refusing bail. slTi..
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
What Josh Has Seen.

kno ov people who, when they do
yn favor, do it Just NJ m old bud tar
rier let's you pass in front oy hiz mas
tors door-with n growl.
It IL only the lilly eddikated, and the
very best bred people, that kan be
familiar with each other, familiarity
breeds kontempt," amlng the hal
breeds.
Tic wheel ov Fortune liz alwuss on
the m owe, and We often lose tomorrow
what We win to-day. M
| lav a!wuss notissei that thar IL a
CRATE deal cv good lux in industry, and
a CRATE deal Ov bad luck in lnzyn0ss.
Itizaz rare tew find trew friend as
it IL iimond th1t has no flaw, and
isn't oph cutler.
He who IL every boddy's friendhaint
got time tew be emmy boddys.
Thare IL no trew friendship arnung
loaiers and skalawags, thare il only
intimiCys.
Thare IL no man living now dnys that
kan tell the world emmy thing new; the
very best that n modern writer kan du
IL tew shine up old things.
Solomon, seven thousand years ago,
after laundering from those who had
written before him, laments that "tlare
IL nothing MI under tie SUM-"
When hehr man say that che has
rtt no friends" / kun tew the kon.
Illusion rite oph that he don't deserve
emmy.
Don't tri tew make n friend out ov a
weak man, It iE like trieing tew carry
water in sieve.
One recon viii happiness is 80 skOrse
in this world liz bekauso most people
mistake plezzure for happiness.
Trow generosity konsist in giving
what You kan afford 10 thoEe who de.
serve II.
Mi yuuug friend, look out for them
mon who shut up one eye, and talk to
ynn with the other.
Happiness seems to consist in-want-
ing nothing.
Health viii bring mummy, but mummy
won't health.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Smilax.

This plant. n native Of the Cape Of
Good Hope, has now become ono of the
essentials OF the florist and amateur. It
is extensively usedin decorating parlors
and reception roOms-for weaving in
the hair, aud for trimming party dresses,
for which purpose it is not only admir-.
ably adapted, being an extremely grace
lnl vine, with glossy green leaves, but
surpAsses anything with which we arc
acquainted. With n little care II can
be grown successfully as house plant
The seeds should DO sown in q box or In
pets in the house, and should be kept
moist till the young plants appear, The
seed being rather slow to germinate,
Won must not think Il bad II 1t does not
make It's appearance in two weeks. The
young plants should DO pottcd off into
three inch pots MS soon ms they nre three
or four inches high, Once year the
bulbs should DO allowed to dry OF and
rest, They will start into growth again
in about six weeks. Tho vine does not
require the full sun, but will grow well
in a partially shaded situation, II can
DO trained on o small thread across tho
window or around pictures.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
An Abo,.lgInal DlrcrtIscmcnt.

Tie Denver .Ncws OF a late date con.
tains the following: "The Utes were
nipped yesterday !; that is, their prepa:
ratiOns for n grand parade in honor Of
that scalp were rl1thlcssly broken in
upon by Special Agent Thompson, who
blocked tile game and put n stop to the
pandemonium they had inaugurated.
Everything was in reat illness for grand
pow-wow that would have frightened
all the horses in town ut OF their wits
and harness, and sent sensitive women
into Mysteries for week. The Indians
who read the NctUS had cen that pm
rade, had been arranged Tor yesterday
forenoon, by Mr.. Thomps,9n's permits.
sion, md so from early can delight till
ten o'clock the entire outfit were active
with the busy notes Of preparation.
They got out their bags of paint,
aud took oil their rags Of CLOTHES
and besmeared themselves with tho for.
mer until they looked more elegant OF
apparel than ever they do with anything
OF civilized construction. The buc ks
were attired airily in suits Ia mot q
OchIe, yellow and red, biased on the
llounces, headed with little daub OF
whitewash, and cut so low in the neck
that there was nothing left OF the origi-
nal garments. Some Of the lads were
gaudily clothed with simple piece of
Irvine tied neQligcc about the loins, which
gave them n primitive appearance. AL.
together they were motley crew, SO
iaras their apparel went; but this, taken
with their heathenish noises and sing.
ing, and beating OF drums, was enough
TO cast dismay into even M Arapahoe
camp. They got into line about ten
o clock, and sailed down towards town.
Ey. ny buck that owned n gun or re-
yolye,- had along, anticipating glori.
aus tim shooting or his powder in the
f.oo: 81 /. he whites in town. When they
I i'"d ,rr;rs5 ut the bridge they were met
I ". S nart yrhor uson and Interpreter Cur.
~ H ,ESn told lie, \ they would do more
SSrm WITH tSnn good, an, that the best thing
theH c st do Tonlo be to go right
away home. The old :, 1uaw carrying
lie scalp took tho hint, ,.nd made a
countermarch, and the remainG or o. tne
nbble slowly turned their horses ul!s
towards the town and went back to thSlr
village somewhat disconsOlRte. The
streets all around town were thronged
with Fasteners and curious sight.see.
ers all the forenoon, who wero looking
for the gentle savages, but they were all
doomed to disappointment"
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

STEALING Heavens LIVERY. = The
great Alcoholics Remedy, VINEGAR
BrTERs, is everywhere driving pestifer.
our rum potiOns out OF the market,
That famous combination Of the finest
medical herbs on the continent OF
America, is accomplishing such cures
OF diseases which affect the stomach,
the liver, the bowels, the kidneys and
the nervous system, that the grateful
masses have adopted it as their Stand
ard Specific. The various rum bittVrs
have gone down before this pure yege.
table antidote like tenpins before we'll
aimed bRll. The people have at length
discovered that all the spirituous excit-
ants are worse than shams-that both
morally and incidentally they are inim.
ical to the ell.being and safety Of the
community II mont DOL Tho hand.
writing Is on tile WALL Theyare weighed
and found wanting. Rum remedies are
defunct, and yRRsAR BrrrERs, THE US1.
vEEsAn ANrrDorE, reigns in their stead.
Com. ..N f4ts a ..r
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Loaang.

We quoto the following from an ex-
change, and We recommend it to all our
readers:
"Young man, pay attention. Don't
be loafer don't keep loater's COM
pany ; don't hang about lssfing places,
Better work than to cit around day after
day, or stand about corners with your
hands in your pockets-better for your
own health and prospects. BuStle about
il you have anything to hustle about
for. Many n poor physician has OBJ
tanned real patient by riding after M
imaginary one. Aquire of bank paper
tied with red tape, carried under n
lawyers arm, may procure him his first
case and make his fortune. Such is the
word-'to him that hath shall be Civ
en-. Omit dreaming and complaining ;
keep busy and mind your chances"
Take the above advice and then oil
will go well. Idleness is themothor of
mischief. -9t HHqri w
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

"a Disease with a Thousand symptoms.
py,ptp,la is the mos. psrpisxiuV Of all human
ailments. lis symptoms are almost iaapi.s in
thtt variety, and the to,iorn and dependent Vic
tins Of the disease of.sn fancy ,hsm,slr, the
prEy. In,utn, tfsvsry known rualady. Thi, |, due,
ia part, to the close sympathy which exist, be,
tween The stomach and the brain, and in part, Also
TO the fact that any dlstutbapseO Of The digestive
functions nset,,ATily disorders the liver, the
bowels and the nervous system and Affects to some
extent, the quality Of the blood. medicine that,
like loItSttsTs Bitters not only tones the stomach
hut ~ the same time controls the liver, produces
irregular habit Of b1dy braces tho nerves, puFiaOs
the luijI aud minister toA mind diseased, nis
therefore the true and oniy spselae for chronic
indigestion. Such 10 the operation Of ibis famous
vegetable restorative Itnot only cures dyspepsia,
but also all eonebmltantt and eons,queheeG More
over, Il 10 Invaluable sRtpreyonttye Of indigti-
tIOn. No one who chooses TO take half wiuegla,I-
fol q this agreeable appetizer and stomaehls
hAbltually three Tines day viii ever be troubled
With oppression after eating, nausea sour erurta-
tons, or any other indioitioni Of q want otvlgoF
Ia the digestive or Aitlmilahpg ofgAnt. The
deb lity and lanRuor Buperlndueed BY hot weather
are Immediately and permanently relieved BY the
Blitep, and persons who are eonItitutionllly ia.
clihcd 10 lock upon life "Gi through aRiaSs dark.
w. viii 10 apt to take brighter aud more hope.
fil view u tho situation under the genital influence
Of this wholesome Medicinal stimulant
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
The Disadvantages of Popularity.

Brown, young insurance friend OF
Ours, who lives in Cambridge, had the
fifth anniversary Of his wedding occur
about week ago, and his friends de.
termincd to celebrate his wooden we'd.
ding by surprise party. Brown came
in yesterday and told MS how they sue.
ceeded. They commenced by sending
a servant round with team to take
Brown and his wife out to ride about
seven. Then they began to come with
presents and materials for supper.
There was little party OF five came
first all laden-hands full. They all
got nicely inside the garden gate,
which shuts with spring, when
Browns big mastifr, which is always
left unclaimed in his masters absence
camo round the corner and surprised
them. One woman stepped on her
dress, and in her fall SO demoralized q
fragile black walnut book. she car.
ried that it was afterwards done up in
bundle and presented, rs kind[ing
wood. Another fellow got safely out Of
the yard all but part of his pants, while
old Smithers, who weighs two hundred
and twenty pounds, plunged wildly
with the eight-gallon pail OF ice cream
he carried, through Browns glass hot.
h. ouse in the corner OF the yard, and
su. rprised some $50 worth oil exotics.
Fin ally they got things fixed up and
got into the house, aud as it was about
time for Browns return, they COM
mcnceLl laying the supper.table. They
got dow. ten set Of rare china that 4
friend OF Browns in the trllde had
loaned him week before, and broke
two pieces, SO that Brown has since
been obliged to mortgage his llen.llous0
and buy the set; and the comments Of
Mrs. Brown when she saw the condt-
ton Of the carpet were sarcastic in the
extreme. Finally, asa browning touch,
they tried to hang ont Chinese lanterns
with tho letters welcome on them, on
the porch over the front door. They
succeeded in hanging two lanterns, and
whell they had saved the house from
the fdry tiend there wasn't enough
porch left to pay for the trouble Of
trying H. lining out any more. Then
they sat down and waited for Blown
md his wife to come home, which they
lid about two o'clock in the morn ing,
tho driver having lost his way, and
some way or ,othcr turning up in bed
ham ut about midnight We draw the
veil over the seine that followed their
return, Some scenes are too joyoun to
be described in cold, cold word 81
Boston Traveller. 1H.H 80
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

HIdHwAYsRS IN MA1SE.-A special
telegram from Bangor, Me-, says that
the Ellsworth and Cherryfeld stage has
been stopped three times within q week
by unknown men, who, however, allow
'it to go on unmolestel. The old driver
refused to drive, and new ono has been
appointed. Deputy Sheriff Paterson,
OF Hancock county, while out driving
with his wife few nights since in the
neighborhood Of Bucksport, was set
upon by three highwaymcn. The sher.
III being mn athletic man, jumped out
and felled two OF tho robbers, while
the third took to his heels. Tho two
prisoners were taken to Bucksport and
held for trial. p
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

CHAprEp HANDS, lace, rough skin,
plmplos, ring-wortn, shls-rheuH, and other Gu
tAueous affections cured, and the skin made soft
aud smooth, by using the JuEIPER Tan Soar
made BY OiswII, HAZARD 4 Co., New York.
Be sure 10 get the Juniper Tar Soap made BY
us, As there arc many limitations made with
common tar which are WorthleSs.-COm.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Characteristic pleasantries.

Sunset Cox tells n good story OF his
first meeting with Mark TWIN. Mark
called on Mir. Cox ut the Capitol in
Washington, and sent in his card as
Samuel L. Clemens. Mr.. Cox, being
totally unacquninted Sith thename, lef
his seat to see what the stranger wanted
of him, supposing, Of course, tho call
was business one. Mr.. Clemens began
BY saying, al called upon you on my
wifc's account" Mr.. Cox said "Ah,
in mn uncnlightened manner. "Shc
knows you" pursued the visitor; "she
told me she had sat on your knee.
con my knee" exclaimed Mr.. Cox.
Really, sir" he sOid, "your language
is incomprehensible." " Yes, /" resumed
Mr.. Clemens, "she used to sit on your
knee; she was n little girl then, and ]
was not there, so I'm not jealous; don't
take the trouble to apologize. Here
tho laugh came in, explanations fol-
lowed, and pleasant acquaintance was
formed oil both sides.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
A snrinofleld lady communicates 70

4sprinafleld lady communicates to
the pdbhc.this warming to young ladies,
Coming from church, few Sabbaths
ago, l noticed my little boy of seven
cast what ! took to be admiring glances
after q little miss OF his own age, even
long after she had turned into another
street. Referring to it, soon after, he
replied: "No, 1 toll you what; l wasn't
looking at her, was looking at her
humps! Ay.o-e, wasn't she bumped
up / wouldn't marry her, all bumped
up behind like that !"
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
OMAR "cnolraA" n1nIpr

II /. an External aud Internal Remedy. For sum.
mer Com plant or any other form Of bowel disease
in children or adults, AH almost certain cure,
tuTinr The Various Kinds Of ciIOLRRX than any
other known remedy or the mus skilhl phyliriln.
In India, africa and China, where this t dis
considered BY the natives ~ will a. By European
residents IN those climates, SURR REMEDY !
and whiletttt most nticient remedy f0s pain, II
10 perfectly safe medicine In tina most uniklllfl
hands. II has become q houaeh0ld rom ed y. from
the fact that u gives immediate and permanent re.
liaL II 10 purely vegetable preparation, made
from the best and pufett mateTiAla, safe 70 keep
and use In every family. tits Recommended by
phyIiciAnb and persons OF all classes and to-day,
AFTER public triii Of thirty YeaTG-the average lite
Of mal-it stands unflwalled and unexeelled,
spreading tta usefulneaI over tho wide world.
Directions accompany each Bottle. ga
Price Is cts, % cts, and u per Bottle. It.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

The TEntEM-A would.be wit, stroll
ing into a bank tho other day, walked
M to the counter aud addressed one oil
tic sprucs.loOking clerks; !" Arc you
the teller ?" eyes, sir. " "Well, what
do you teNs" al tcR people who have
no business hero 10 clear out" He
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

We pledge our reputation on the as.
scrtiOn that any educated physician, after q
careful examination Of the recipe, will say that
P1rsOtII' PuTglitre Pills possess more merit
than any other pill now offered for SalO.-Conl.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
the HOUSEHOLD PANAcEA,


FAMILY IMMINENT l
Isths best remedy in the world for The following
complaints, viti Cramps 10 the Limbs and stom.
aeh, Pain In the Stomach, Bowel, OF side, Rhsu.
nat,m In all itI fOrmi, Bilious Cole, Neuralgia,
choltri, D tGhtSry, Colds, Flesh Wounds, Burns,
sote Throat, Spinal Complaints, apralnI and
Bruises. Chill. and Fever. For Internal and II.
tefnAl use, ..I 10
II, separation IL not only 10 relieve the patient,
hut entirely removes the cause Of the eomplli.t /,
IioinR hbSllhy action 10 all ltt parts and quicken.
Ing the blood.
etAhlB aud All Healing. I
Prepared by
CURTIS q brown,
No. 40 FuiiOn Street, New York.
FOR tais w all Druggists.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

Dsoley's Yeast Powder is the cheap
est, but not lCwost-prieod, Baking Powder.
Elegant Biscuits, Rslls, DO, prepared In o few
minutes.-Com.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

KIDNEY ptsgASE, nROPsY, and all diseatts q
the Kidneys aud BLADDER, eau be CURED BY The ust
Of HuSf's REMEpI Thousands that have bsen
given NJ BY thoit Physicians TO die. havu been
speedily cured by the use OF HUNf'A RIhepr, Sent
Ia any address securely pqekod on fHus int Of nn6
dollar and tw0nty.nve ti9bl cents SEND for illus,
tfaiod pamphlet 10 WiiLiAA \. CLARKE, Sole Pro.
bFtRtnT. pfnyidNurN, n l. HW
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

-l Faces INSTANT REhrEF has stood
twenty years test. Is warranted to give I'M
neildie relief to all Rheumatic, NOuralgie,
Head, Ear and Back aches. or money refunded.
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01

CRIsrApoRo's ExoELaoR HAIR DIN
stands uHriyaled and alone It's merits have
been 10 universally acknowledged that II would
DO \ HupererogAtl0n 10 discant on thom any
further nothing can beat it.-CotA,
The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-09-01
Thea-Nectar

S5fo son ppr dAyi Agents wanted All classes
SSIv SGu bfwofkinH people ofetthor seq, young
or old, make more money Al work for Us In their
spare moments or all tho lime than At else
PARTICULARS free. AddrsiJ o. Br1ksoH Co.. Port