Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-07-09
FunnyCranhs.

eWhat's tho Use in these days of
trying to be honest 7" exclaimed a
grunabier. "Oh, you ought TO Ivy it
once, aud sce,' retortea ono of his
companions.
s'How are yon, Smith," said Jones.
Jones pretended not TO knoI him,
and answered hesitatingly. "Sif. you
have the advantage of me-" "Ies. l
suppose so , everybody has that's got
common seuse."
The following hit at the water-cnre
was made by Charles Lamb and
none but himself could have inside SO
quaint q concest." isl said he.
.sneither hewa nor wonderful, for il
is as old assthe delugc, which, in my
opinions Killed more than it cured"
The celebrated artist who. painted
The rooster that crowed SO naturally
that the sun rose three hours before
its time, has recently finished n pir-
tnre of thehmaon that is painted with
such wonderful fidelity to nature that
1t cannot be seen in the daytime.
A tender swain reproached his fair
II with letting a rival kiss her hand,
q fact that.shc Indignantly denied.
'.But I saw it," ..Nay, them" cried
the offended fair one, Il am con-
WINGED you do not love me, since you
believe'your eyes in preference TO my
word.o
That was a sly old fellow who. on
marrying L very young wife, wasral-
lied by his friends OH the inequalitynf
their ages. "She will be near me-
he replied '.to close my eyes"
Well" remarked another of the
party, eve had two wives, and they
opened mine."
An urcllin of seven years went into
q BARRIERS shop al Racine, Wis. and
ordered the barber TO cut his hair a>
short as the shears could do it. lie
was asked il his mother ordered it in
that way. NO" said lie, .'schooI
commences neXt week, and we've got
a school-ma'am that pulls hair"
A new married couple went to
Niagara OH a visit; and the gentle
man, i'll order TO convince his dear
that he was rs brave as he was gal
liant, resolved 10 "a down into the
of the winds" She, of course,
objected; but finding that he was de-
termined, atfectiouately requested
him to leave his purse and watch
behind.
And old, rough clergyman once
took for his ext that Passage of the
Psalms, Il said IN niy haste all men
arc liars" Looking up, apparently
rs if lie saw The psalmist standing
Immediately before him, he said
You said in yourhaslc, David, did
you? Well, if you had been here,
Non might have said it after mature
reflection"
MORBID SusCEPTIEILIrY.- Mis-
trcss.-'.How is it that you came
,ome from vour party SO early las,
night, Susan? Didn't you enjoy YOUR
elf" Susani"Yes, Ma'mn. But
the young man rs took inc hin to sup
per insuIted me-" Mistress-sIn-i
ulted you, Susan. Why, what did |
he say?" Susan-"Ycs Ma'am. He
asked me il my pr0g,am was full. |
aud Pm sure / never 'admothing bu,
Il sandwich and IA glass Of lemonade,
30 l come away home"
There is q young girl in Brooklyn
who for a long lime has supposed
herself to be dying of love, but q
Couhcii Oh eminent physicians was
called aud pronounced it 10 be dys-
yepsia.
A Vermont boy is in luck. The
school-tcacfier was just going to
haste" him, when the lightning
struck the houses and in his excite
.nent the teacher forgot all about the !
intended thrashing.
Young ladies' Vho are Disguised
with things in general, rs many of
Them profess TO be, are reminded that
mere are three hundred ~uunneries in
The United States.
A preacher who rode to meeting
with his cart before his horse preach.
Cd from a text as announced bv him,
And tho cock wcpt thrice, aud
fetcr went out and crowed bitterly.
"Oh, George, your sister is n nice
Girl, but she does dress her head mn
SOY" eyes" said George; '.but it's
The fasLion-there's nothing in it,