South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-04-25


Two CoSuNDRUMs.-A young lady
when riding from her fathers country seat
to neighboring village met young man
on foot, who was carrying suspicious look.
ing jug. She at once refined in her horse
and asked him what he had in his jug.
Looking up with comical leer, be sim
ply winked Que eye and Smoked his lips
to indicate that it contained something
good.
The young lady supposiug he meant alco-
hol Immediately began to talk temperance,
but her auditor requested tho privilege of
first asking her just one question.
What is it ? she enquired
1t is this he replied, why is my jug
like your side saddle p
She could not tell
1t ia because it holds a gal on said he
What trifiiDg ! exclaimed the Indignant
young lady, and then continued
Young man, do you not perceive
Just one more question, n errupted her
auditor, and then am done,-
'Wby is my jug like the assembly room
Of q female seminary at roll call 2
I'm sure | don't know petuleutly re-
piled the young lady.
well, it is because it is full Glasses
said the incOrrigible auditor.
The fair lecturer touched her spirited
horse with her whip, and was soon out of
hearing Of tn, rude young man
Gp AT dinner party given iu WasL-
ipgton, the 'enfant terrible Of the family
was permitted to occupy seat near one of
the most distinguished guests. This 'bete
noir' is much given to conundrums which
are not always appropriate. Moreover, the
young man has sister who is shining
belle in society. Eliza is the name of the
young lady, but the young scapegrace will
call her Lie. The company were startled
By the voice of the youngster asking, why
is father like the deyil?' An awkward
pause ensued. Then be shouted out, BE
cause he is tue father of Lie dies. 1.-The
CELEBRITY with which that youpgster was sent
to bed exceeded anything in oil his former
experience.
EFA sCEpTIc who was trying to con.
fuse CDristian colored man by tho con
Trajectory passages in the Bible, asked how
it could be that we woIo 10 the Spirit, and
the Spirit in US, received the reply, 'Oh
dar's no puzzle bout dat; It's like ds'
poker pat it 10 do fire till it gets red-hoi
now dc poker'a il The Gre, and de fires
in dc poker. Aprofound thcologian could
not have made better reply.
seS-TuE postmistress at Villa Ridge, H.,
has resigned in order to get married. Iu
her letter of resignation that she sent to
the Postmaster General she remark ed that
she would rather have one man where she
could lay her hands on him when she want
ed him than to be handling mail bags ir-
regularly on small SALARY.
EEL HAD friend who dressed himself
in lady's clothes and called upon u cell
obratod fortube-tellcr. She did not discoy-
or the disguise but be heard what made
him exceedingly unhappy Here the gen
tlemau ceased. A lady much interested
asked what did the fortune-teller say
to him. why, said the gentleman, assum-
iug very grave aspect,she told him he was
to marry soon aud would become the moth
or Of ten children
Ey Mrs. MICHAEL REGAN, Of Albany
is paying particular attention to tho scrip
tural command, BE ye faithful and multi
ply First she multiplied one by two,
next by three, and 90 the 7th inst, by
four-nino babes in two years
Ss-A VERY wealthy farmer Of Ohio
county, Ky, has this motifs pasted Up in
lis field. If any mans or womsn's COWS
or oxeus CITE 10 these here oats bis or her
toll will be cut of as the case may be-
E1DoN'T worry about ny going away
any darling Absence, you know, makes
The heart grow fonder'-'O somebody else,
added The darling.
ETA THING sometimes brought to pass
"A counterfeit note.
Hos- MAY two people be said 10 be half