Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1873-05-03
The Contest Of Danbury Man with a
SfOya. uf rsS,

Putting up stove Is not so difficult in itself
1t Is the pipe that raises four-ffths of the mis-
chei ana all the dust You mag take down a
stove with all the care in the world, and have
your wife put away the pipe in a secure place,
Ana yet that pipe won't come together again As
1t WAS before You find this out when you are
standing on chair with your arms full OF ppe
and your mouth full OF SCOT. Your wife is stand
ing on the noor in a position that enables her to
see you, the pipe and the chair, and here she
gives utterance TO those remarks that are cal
eulsted to hasten a man into the extremes of in
sanity. Her dress Is pinned over her waist and
her hands rest Op her hips. She has got one of
your hats on her head, and your linen coat on
her back, and pair of your rubbers on her
feet. There is about five cents worth OF pot
black on her nose, and a lot of -four Oh her chin
and altogether she Is a spectacle that would in
sIIire dead man with distrust And while y,l
are up there trying to circumvent the awful
contrariness OF the pipe, and telling that YOU
know some fool has been mixing it. She stands
safely on the floor, and bOmbards YOU with such
domestic notices as:-''What's the use OF swear
ing so: ~ GU know no one has touched that
pipe; You amt got any more patience than
child DO be careful OF that chair" And
then she goes of and reappears with an armfal
OF more pipe, and before YOU are aware of IL
she has got that pipe so horribly mixed up that
II does seem no two pieces are alike. You Join
the ends, and work them To and fro, and take
them apart again and look at them. Then YOU
spread one out and jam the other together and
mount them once more. But il is no go. You
begi To think the pieces are inspired with life
and ache to kick them through the window
But she doesn't lose her patience. She goes
around with that awfully eXasperatlng rigging
on, with length OF pipe under each arm, and
long handled broom in her hand, and says she
don't see how IL IL some people never have any
trouble III putting up a stove. Then YOU miss
the hammer. You don't see it anywhere. You
stare into the pipe and along the mantle, and
down on the stove, and Oft To the floor. Your
wfe watches you intently, and is finally
thOuShtfui enough To inquire what YOU are
locking after, and on learning pulls the article
from her pocket. Then you feel as if YOU couIi
go out doors and swear hole twelve feet square
through block OF brick buildings, bnt she
merely observes: "Why on earth don't Won
speak when YOU want anything, and not Stare
around like dummy When that part of the
pipe which goes through the wall is up she
ing the connection, and stares at il with an in
tensify that Il entirely uncalled for. All the
while your position is becoming more and more
interesting. The pipe don't go together, of
course The SCOT shakes down into your ewes
and mouth, the sweat rolls down your face and
tickles your chin as il drops of, and it seems as
If your arms are slowly but surely drawing out
OF their sockets. Here your wife comes to the
rescue by inqufrfng Il you are going to be all
day doing nothing, and if you think her arms
are made OF east iron, and then the broom slips
on the pipe, and i'm her endeavOr to recover her
mold she Jabs you under the chin with tue han
dle, ana the pipe comes down On your head with
lie load OF fried SCOT, and then the chair tilts
forward enough to discharge your feet, and YOU
come down on the wrong end of that chair with
a force that would bankrupt a pile driver Won
don't touch that stove again. You leave your
wife examining the chair and bemoaning its in
Juries, and go into the kitchen and wash your
skinned and bleeding hands with yellow soap.
Ihen you go down street after a man to do the
business and your wife goes over to the neigh
bOrs with her chair, and tells them abOut its in
juries, and drains the neighborhood dry of its
sympathy long before You get home.-DuaJary