The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-11-11
GRAVE AND GAY.

--Intellect-Brain force.-Schiller.
AN air Of Importance Ones first
breath.
We are not too good for instinct
Goethe.
When is baby not baby? When
it's tea-thing.
TO live long it is necessary to live
slowly. Cicero
What is justice? To give every man
his own.--Aristotlc.
AT what season did Eve eat the APP
pie? Early in the fall
Humble wedlock is far better than
proud virginity.--,S. augustine.
What fruit does newly UNMARRIED
couple most resemble? A green pair.
The young man who boasted that be
could marry any girl he pleased found
that he couldn't please any.
Loss Of China packet ship I" ex-
claimed Mrs. Darlington. "No wonder,
when iron ones aren't always safe."
"A dandy is chap who would be
lady if he could; but, as he can't, does
all he can to show the world he's not a
man.
The man who comes ON the stage ex-
actly at his cue is prompt, but the man
who does not come on at all is prompter.
"A gentleman late one evening met his
servant: "Hallo where are you going at
this time of night?--for no good, I'll
warrant" II was going for you, sir.
-Thackeray has well compared English
society to ladder, which every one tries
to mount first, each holding on by the
heels Of the one who precedes him.
Said an old Scotch woman to a phys-
clan, who was weighing two grains of
calomel for child "Dinna be so mean
VII it, asst is for poor, fatherless BARN."
Josh Billings divides the human race
into three classes Those who think it is
SO, those who think it isn't so, and those
who don't care whether it is so or not.
"A gentleman, reading newspaper,
asked q friend: "What's the meaning of
the Bohemian Diet, about which we hear
so much of late ?' "Free luuches,D was
the reply.
-'How does that look, eh ?" said
big-fisted Wall street man to a friend,
holding up one of his brawny hands.
THAT" said the friend, "looks as though
you'd gone short on your SOAP"
"A melting Good Friday sermon being
preached in country church, all wept
except'ene man, who, being asked why he
did not weep as well as the rest-"Oh!'
replied he, II belong to another parish"
Something in the Darwinian theory
after all-"What a pity" said an en-
thuslastIc musician to an ardent disciple of
Darwin's, 'that didn't remain an ape!
/ CHI 70 ,,1au
forte duets by myself"
There are experts on all manner Of sub
.jects in these days of litigation. A woman
testified the other day in turkey case, and
declared that she knew "these turkeys by
their walk, their countenance, and their
manner of roosting.o
--''What's your business2" asked
judge of a prisoner at the bar. swell. |
s'pose you might call me locksmith."
when did you last work at your trade 2"
"Last night. When heard call for the
police made bolt for the front door,"
DR.. Blank attempted to defend him
self against the facetious assault Of friend
by saying, 81 defy any person whom ever
attended to accuse me of ignorance or neg
lect." "That you may do safely" said his
assaiant, "for you know, doctor, dead
men tell no tales
The advertisement of Pennsylvania
railway in December, 1882, reads: "The
engine, with a train of cars, will be run
daily, commencing this day, when the
weather is fair. When the weather is not
fair, the horses will draw the cars. Pass
engers are requested to be punctiual at the
hour of starting"
Smith says he doesn't know much
about music, but if it's great thing for
man who has spent thousands of dollars on
his voice and has studied for years to sing
high chest O. he thinks his kettle at home
can beat, for every evening with CHEEKY
voice, it sings way up to high chest tea.
And it's only dollar kettle, too.
The following epigram was made when
DR.. Goodenough, Bishop of Carlisle, was
one day appointed TO preach before the
house of peers:
"'Tis well enough that Goodenough
Before the Lords should preach;
For sure enough, they're bad enough
lie undertakes to teach"