South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-08-29
WIT AND HUNIOR.

ES-A LIVELY young lady Gays it's all
mistake about her not taking an interest in
married gentlemen, for she does-in those
whose wives are dead.
ETA SOUTHERN editor remarkiug upon
the subject, says that he knows all about COT
ton and rice, but doesn't understand hemp at
all. Perhaps he may jet get the hang Of it.
EVWHAT are domestic magazines p
Wives who are always blowing up their
husbands
CTD DURING the examination of O wit
ness as to the locality of the stairs in
house, tho learned counsel asked, (Which
way did the stairs run I? The witness, who
was noted wag, replied, 'One way they
run down and the other way they run up
ldy-AN Irish washerwoman was COM
planning of her hardships to her husband,
who was sometimes in the habit Of hagel-
lati1g her. He endeavored to persuade her
with other arguments remarked that she
always had plenty of wood and wather
in the house. 'Au' ye may we'll say that,
she keer " retorted. I'llalways have plin-
ty ov that while I'm wild you; for I'll niver
be widout stick to my back or atear in
my eye
@A WAC who saw seven clergymen al
the Saratoga races, inquired il the races
were to be opened with prayer, but he was
hustled off the grounds
ET'YEs, take her and welcome res
pended an Illinois farmer, when a young
man asked for his blusbing daughter
Shes run away with sehoolmaster, elop-
ed with q Snowman, shot q wildcat, and
whipped her mother, and the sooner you
take her the better.
AN UNDECIDED WHOEVER Old Fa-
Their BRAYNE, of Syracuse, was a very pop.
ular camp meeting leader. He used to tell
in meeting the following story:
While conducting a camp meeting in
Western New York a messenger arrived at
the camp to inform him that the wife of
the chief deacon had died that morning
Father BRAYNE delegated his powers to a
mother and started home to comfort the be-
rcaved widower. After 20 miles ride he
reached the farmhouse, where the deacon
lived, about four in the afternoon.
On entering, he shook the widower by
tho hand aud sat down in silence. BY
and by he began to condole with the be-
reaved man, and offered him all the conso-
lation in his power.
IT'S very heavy grief you've got to
bear said the minister, 'but you must
bear up like a man.
yes the deacon responded, 'it's kind
o rough. Let's take walk around.
Father BRAYNE, thinking that the wild.
over felt i'll and depressed, and that the
fresh air would do him good, readily assent.
ed. The deacon led him to his barns and
stables, and showed him over his farm
The parson appeared to take great interest
in everything, rejoiced to think that he was
helping to divert the deacon's mind from
his terrible sorrow. After they had gone
around the whole farm, the deacon said,
'Now, minister, ye see evcryihiDg's in
fine order. What would you advise me to
do-briUg my daughter and her husband
here to manage the place, or go buckiug a
bOutamoDg the girls again for another wifeF
Eg- Some vile slanderer accuses the Ia
dies at Cape May of padding their bathing
dresses. lie says the breast, arms, shout
doris, and even the calves are so neatly and
symmetrically padded that every fair ba.
Their you meet appears to be perfect We
nus as regards personal shape and appear.
auco' The ladies ought to give the fellow
good ducking.
ETKGssING CRooUET' is the latest
According to the rules a lady is allowed to
move her ball six inches every time she
favors her gentleman opponent with kiss
1t is popular all round.
GE-ASALT LAKE newspaper gives what
uurnorta IN ba on ovtraof from, a voco,t ear