The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1873-07-25
A Sermon.

BY MRS. z. b. DUFFEY.
] came near calling this article a.
Few Words of Advice to Men," but be
lore was quite guilty of this indiscre
tlonJ chanced TO remember an anec
dote OF a lecturer who advertised an ad
dress under a similar title; and wher
the evening came for his lecture, ht
found the house crowded from front Il
back with women, and not a man
among them. So taking warming in
time, have concluded to call il a SER
mon instead
My text, beloved hearers, will be
easily found in almost any of the peri
odicals and newspapers of the day. 1t
reads something as follows: "If a wom-
an would retain her husbands affec-
tions, and make his home attractive, let
her always meet him as he returns from
labor with her sweetest smile and i'm
her most attractive dress" There is
more Of the same sort, but this will suf-
lice for my present discourse.
have tried it, and the result of my
trial didn't fill the advertised pro-
gramme. 1t was, so to speak, a failure
This was what | did: As | saw the
captain in his carriage careering wildly
around the corner at a rate of speed
which those only who are acquainted
with the qualities of his fiery steed can
realize, l dropped my pOtatO-masher.
leIt the baby to scream at its own sweet
VIII IN the cradle, and with all possible
hasie substituted in the place of NV
dlhgy Kitchen dress, which bore the
marks oi labor, a pretty, light calico
(meh always admire calico, you know
al least they pretend TO, though / think
u - only 10 hide their ignorance of the
names OF all other fabrics for women's
wear, except silk, and silk they have
prudential reasons for not wishing to
encourase-a pretty, light calico, / was
saying "A white gourd dotted all over
with pink rosebuds-just the thing vou
read about in novels. Over this pinned
evenly crisp, smooth, white aDron.
fastened around my neck a neat linen
collar, edged with narrow lace. with a
Knot Of pink ribbon at my throat. and a
rose in my hair. | hadn't time 10 lool;
at myself IN the glass, but couldn't helm
feeling that was looking very well. i'm
spite OF the gray hairs which were he
ginning 10 show themselves about nv
forehead. Rushing down stairs and
catching up the breathless and nearly
strangled baby, | hurriedly dressed him
IN his prettiest white frock. Thus armed
and equipped, | put on my sweetest
smile and hastened to the front door
ana Just IN time TO meet the Captaiu. I
smiled. He glOwered. Something evi-
IDENTITY was out Of gear, as things didn't
work as prophesied
"Who's here ~
Nobody
still retained my Colfaxian cast of
cOuntenance.
"Because II wanted to.h
i thought if the thing wasn't seIfevi-
dent / wodldn't compromise NV dignity
by explaining. But my smile disa6-
peared.
Well, you'd better be ont in tba
Kitchen attending 10 your sumner
smell something burning"
y our supper" indeedi As fhoupb 7
should 90 TO all that trouble of eooking
hlli-a-dozen dishes just to get myself a
supper. ! saw, however, he began TO
geta gliinmering Of the true state of the
case Dut put wrong Interpretation
upon H. lie thought | must have a
lANor TO beg Of him. How suspicious
anu lndlscriminating men arei He
ought 10 know by this time that l never
make the slightest approach to askinga
laEor until he has had a good meal.
re Always "smells something burn
ing II he finds me out of the kitchen a
moment during the progress of meal
getting. This time il was my nan Of
olsculIs' winch, mOmentarily neglected
uuflIlS my toilette and home-welcom-
ing had assumed too deep a shade of
brown. Besides, | found the potatoes
Stolle-colu 'r.l on the table, where / had
neeH ilashlng them when I hurriedly
dropped them, and the cat helping him
sell 10 the meat, which, still in the pan.
/ had placed on the hearth TO keen
warm. IN dishing up the meat and
gravy little of the latter dripped over
on my clean white apron; and as | lifted
the tea-kettle TO fiji the teapot, as am
not strong enough TO hold il out at arms
length, the Kettle, i'm spite of me.
brushed against the same article of
dress, and left 4 broad, black mark.
Taking baby as a shield to hide these
dlshgurements, ! sat down to the table
opposite the captain. | apologized for
tne biscuits and potatoes, but Thought
me less said about the cat, the better.
Alter The pangs Of appetite were salts
lSu-lnen, the best of them, are bears
Mheh They are hungry-the captain was
i''i,is p'S.sseI 10 recommend my appearance
WI. mi.I I'm Ihe exception of dab of flour on
III iofellead of mead aud a cOal-spot OH the left
5Ire sInt oI my n,09se-and signify his desire
inSiv mol would I, always dress as becom-
Jusi Then, rip went the loce on
my collar-thread lace. .ss',,' ~ oii
and ana not bought for nothinemin you, t%s
ilIlgSd mhgeFs oI ! the young captain 55v trevet @
Whlie' WIN the remaining 6st ~ /
crushed or she ,3 and erumpled the pink ribbon m
aoca a. ni ot,r,,i t,,ioat' There was tusse, at
and his mother, which ended in 'S,',.oh t6a,.tn
tory OF the so-called weaker sex which
victory was worse than defeat H..
ever, for i'm the struggle to maintain |
possession of what lie considered bis
own by right Of discovery, the very
small man succeeded in raking his cheek
with the pin Of the brooch which fas-
tened ribbon and collar. But my pity
for baby was somewhat distracted by
Indignation against baby's father, who,