The St. Cloud journal. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1866-1876, 1873-08-14

ASOS 10
lor freedom, Who hated bet dependence,
1night do 10 much for herl
All these Wild emotions while Mad.
sme Peyton closed over the gap in her
stocking with her skillful stitches, per.
tectly unaware of the train Of thought
she bad aroused in her plain statements
OF circumstances. And let mo do her
the justice to say that she did not seek
to bias my mind by warpipg it into the
condition it was then ia. In her cold.
calm way she hsd merely shown me
my chances in life as matter of duty.
1t was truth, and 1 should be made
acquainted with it. If I had told her
she could never have oomprehended
the agitation and misery L felt. did
not tell her /; but at the expiration of
half an hour abruptly sealed my fate
by accepting the proposals she had laid
before me.
l certainly had great faith in my
gr'ndmother's judgments. Thus,
though I tried to repel and disbelieve
those judgments, l stin, in spite of
every thing, supposed them inevitable.
Il was ir this way tn at she colored my
thoughts to something the hue of her
own in her social opinions.
She had a cold, hard system of talk
about people 10 tho world which utter.
" preoluded the idea of disinterested OF
romantic love. Marriage she held As
matter Of state and estate. The per.
sons with whom We associated did not
tend to remove these ideas. They were
old families, tinotured with old aristo.
cratic notions; 50 that every where, in
tho actual life that I turned, I saw tho
opinions Of my grandmother confirm
ed.
In the midst Of this lived two lives
-tbe ideal and the real !; and I can.
didly believed them to be as the words
express s-the ideal and The real and
thus carly came the habit of cynical
thought, born Of the bitterness of this
melancholy ffameof mind. Reading
Shelley and Keats and Tennyson, I
wrapt myself in dreams, which I sup.
posed utterly fallacioss in other mo.
ments. Lovely suggestions of . state
OF life as impossible as it waz
Yehsrming. What saved me from entire
disregard Of every thing save tho pres.
ent pleasure with such oyniclsm, car
never understand but faithless of 70.
nance in the real as I wa, 7 yet shranl
/ at first, as we shrink from something
that seems unnatural, from the proposed
union with Mr.. Ayre. If th<
suitor had been Tom Deerham 0,
Johnny Carew-though I was no.
the least in love with either O.
these two young fellows -
should have considered it q very pro
per thing. There would have come t,
my mind no shock Of strange surprise
for they'were young like myself: Blu
this MI. Ayre seemed to me to belong
to my grandmother's day, with his
wise talk Of politics, Of the federationf
Of the world, and thiogs, to me, ab'
struse and ancient.
I remember with what chill feeling
Of fright went down into the psrlo'
to receive him the night after my
grandmother's communication. He wa.
standing facing a window looking oui
into tho garden as I pushed open ths
} door, but at the sound of my footsteps
he turned quickly, and coming forward
put out his hand with the words:
"Kate, should have spoken to you
first, but knew your grandmother
old prejudices you will forgive me p
with soft accounts Of questioning, and
meeting my eyes with glance of kind
ness.
i He was 10 exactly like himself upor
other occasions that my fright broke
; away, and l smiled. Presently I VA
talking with him 10 the same easy, un'
thinking manner that had been my
way during al these past visits that
: bad appropriated to Madame Peyton.
"Re Was not 80 very dreadful as .
suitor," I thought. Indeed he scarce
" spoke of our relation, and when ht
parted from me he just kissed my h.nd
in courteous, grave way, IS q matte,
Of course:
Az time went on hegradually evinced
more tenderness, or, I should say, more
ardor, though he was never very de.
monstrative. It was evinoed BY little
closer attention, word, or smile; or ,
lingering hand.olasp. Ono night
there were = few guests IN the parlor
and he had been mingllng in with The
conversation O. usual, while I sat apart
for they were al older people than I
+ and I was interested in watching the
proceedings Of my bird Dick, that
had let ont Of his cage, as I was offer
in the habit Of doing, to air his wings
in the honey.suokle Of tho piazza
Leaning my head cut of the window,
for it was warm M.y-d.y, I began t.
speculate upon the voices inside. Sud-
denly I became aware that Mr.. Ayre
had ceased speaking, that he had not
been speaking for some time. l turned
my head quickly to look 1t him, and
caught = glance that T felt At once had
been Z gaze, absorbed and intense.
! starkad at hia exnrasa;on. and immafi,