Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-07-03
A Danbury Mans Adventures.

DANBURY man started for Greenwich
Friday to see an iron fence. What he
wanted to see an iron fence for we don't
know, and it really makes no difference.
He went. He wanted to go off on the
$50 train, so he hurried home to get
| ready His wife and a vicious outside
| woman were cleaning house, and 1t was
some time before he could get his society
suit ready. In the meantime he opened,
| fire on the largest half of a custard pie,
| holding it in his hand and dancing around
and yelling for his things. When she
| brought his overcoat, he set the pie in
| chair, to put on the coat, but III his ner-
vousness stepped on the end OF long
| handled whitewash- brush which was bal
anced across pail, and the other end flew
| up and discharged about pint OF the aW-
| ful mixture over the sofa, wallpaper, and
his painting and indignant wife. she
made a remark and he contradlcted It,
| Then he sat down in the chair where the
| pie was and got up again with hoWl
that would have melted the stoutest heart
| She wanted him to wait while she scrared
off the surplus, but he was too mad to
converse in words Of more than one syl
liable, and started for the depot and board
ed the train, and in the seclusion OF the
| baggage car removed the offensive lunch
He got to Greenwich all right and look
ed at the fence We hope he admired It,
| Then started for home but missed the
train, and as the next was an express ana
didn't stop at Greenwich, he was Obliged
to walk to the drawbridge at Cos Cob or
| STAY in Greenwich all night. SO he walked
up there in the rain, but didn't mind it
much as he had an umbrella and the pie
was pretty well dried in. When he got to
Cos Cob he stood up on fence to look at
! the scenery, and swear, when gust OF
wind took off his hat and carried it across
! a BOG lot. Then he stepped down on the
other side. too amazed to express himself,
and another gust of wind came along and
turned the umbrella inside out A brief
conversation here ensued between himself
and the umbrella, and he again started for
the hat. When he got up to it he kicked
it around several times, and then damned
it down on his head, and started once
more through the boys as the tram drew
up at the bridge. 1t was terrible strug-
| gle as the boys were uncertain, but he
strained, and coughed, and spit, and
howled, and swore, and it did seem as II
he would catch it after all. What he
thought as he stood on that fence and
watched that train sail across the bridge,
no human being can tell.
An hour later he appeared in Stamford,
wet through to the skin, splashed with
mud, and with an expression on his face
that would have scared hydrant Back
ing himself against the depot, he stood
there until near midnight, and then went
up on an owl train to Norwalk, falling
asleep in the meantime, and narrowly
escaping being carried by the depot.
Here he took the freight for Danbury,
arriving at home just before daylight His
wife was abed but not sleeping. She lay
there torn by forebodings and harassed by
suspense Perhaps he was dead, and lying
on the cold ground in the rain Then she
thought of his lifeless body, and groaned
and thought of the pie and groaned again.
She knew his knock the moment it
sounded, and, rushing down stairs in the
costume appropriate to that hour, she
threw herself into his hair, and hysterical-
ly shouted, ooh, you old rascal, come in
| here. '-DdHbuTy Ners.