The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-07-19
VARIETY.


Nor CIyIL.-lt il not considered civil to ask
nilkman for piece Of chalk.
PROPERLY CALLED.-P,Hch calls love Of cham
Iagne fzzieal weakness
Why Is coffee like an AK with dull edgel
Because it has to be ground before it is used.
patent TRowsERs.-A Boston firm of clothiers
have got out patent trowsers for boys, with cop
per rIvets and steel knee-plates-
The Best PLAcE.-Spieer thinks a lighthouse
would be the best place TO store cheese in, because
It is n warning to skippers.
The .. ton - Of Maine society Is represented by
family consisting Of father, mother, and eight
children, whose collective weight i just 2 ,240
pounds.
4 Kentucky man has named his sixteenth child,
recently born to him, Omega, hoping the fates
will let her be the last.
STARs.-Six thousand stars are computed to be
visible to the naked eye on n clear night. Lord
Rosse's famous - Reflector - increases that num-
her to millions, and 50 do a couple Of glasses Of
Cincinnati whisky.
4 somewhat opinionated farmer up in Vermont
had little argument with his wife few morn
ings ago, and now he is going about with his head
tied up, and saying that his hoss kicked him.
The GRAND EssESTIALs.-A good man, who has
seen much Of the world, and is not tired of it.,
says "The grand essentials 10 happiness are
something to do. something to love, and something
20 hope for
REQUIRES MoRE.-They say woman requires
more sleep than man. Why don't they take it
then, and not always lie awake to administer
Caudle lectures to their spOuses at night, and
wake up first in the morning, for the purpose of
giving their admonitiOns.
QUEER EPITAPH.-Thc following is from tomb
stone in New Jersey:
Reader pass don't waste your time
On bad Biography and bitter rhyme;
For what ana this eru%bing clay insures
Nor OFrEN.-The Worcester Press says Two
medical societies met in this city yesterday. \
ear load of gTayestOnes also arrived during the
day. It is not often that the eternal fitness Of
things sticks out in this manner"
The parents of a Cincinnati young lady, whose
intentions were suspected, removed all her ward
robe from her room and left her only robe dc Htnf,
hut IN the dull waste and middle of the night her
Romeo arrived, carried her off Just as she was,
and an obliging clergyman did the business for
them
PRovoSISC.-s' Deliver me from Il person who
never does wrong, and knows it," exclaimed Mr..
Beecher. Deliver me from a man whose tongue
never made mistake. and who keeps n note Of
tho fact, If there il any one thing more proyOk-
ing 10 q sinner-aud all sinners-than
=
The latest story about India rubber bustles is
that Of n young lady who was wearing one. being
thrown from her carriage in Prospect Park. Brook
lyn, descended the hill by = series Of involuntary
bounds. caused by the elastic nature Of the ap-
pendage
WITTY REToRT-Jedediah Burchard. once
preaching revival sermon, was interrupted by
the entrance Of Aaron Burr. Here comes one,'
says the reyiyalist against whom even l will
testify in the day Of judgment" Yes, sir"
said Burr, - in fifty years of criminal practice
have always found the greatest rascal turn States
evidence.
WAENING.-The Augusta, Ky. Chronicle
gives the following warning: Delinquent sub
scribers should not permit their daughters to wear
tins PAPER for 4 hustle. There being so much due
IN it there is danger of their taking cold
DRANAr1c-..Dear lady said child, expos
ing 4 toy for sale, g. buy this. 'What is the
price?'' Judge for yourself, madam; L have
eaten nothing to-day" This is dramatic enough
70 make the fortune Of three English dramas Of
the period.
Captain Jacks capitulatiOn Is variOusly ac-
counted for. The truth, says the New York Com
Herci1i, seems to be, however, that he had pre-
yiously consulted n prominent criminal lawyer in
that city, and took his resolution receipt Of the
following telegram
NEw YeET Tor Ma MAY S % III . Pot IN " ih9 Td plea Of
The most practical result Of Miss Susan B.
Anthony agitation We have lately seen is the re-
=istanoe Of Mrs. Lee. present pent up in Utica
y. Y. % the collection Of her taxes. The tax
collector she received with Tepellant chair, and
afterward demonstrated with him with an axe, TO
his exceeding dismay. For this bit Of revolution
Mrs. Lee heartlessly put into prison, to med
itate there at her ease on the slavery of women.
PRESENCE OF MND.-AR Irish clergyman who
was hard laborer on his glebc, and when so Oc-
cupied dressed in very ragged manner, was re-
Gently engaged attending the early potato field,
when he was surprised by the very rapid approach
Of his patron IN open carriage with some ladies
whom he was 10 meet at dinner in the afternoon.
Unable 70 escape in tine, be drew his nat his
E,ce. extended his arms covered with his tattered
Jacket. and passed himself of as Z scarecrow.
AFTER ALA marriage between Catholic
Gentleman and Jewish lady, not long since,
soreIy exercised the pious minds Of some well-in-
tentioned people belonging to the former persua-
sion. Certain religious difficulties were urged
against the nuptials and for week or so the mat
ter was discussed at FIVE O'Clock tea, with more or
less warmth, according to the partisans present
PoOhpooh,H said gentleman on one OF these
occasions; ''why in the world make such fuss
about it2 After all, they viii only be bound to-
Ill .I,a nlJ nd NevU Tasfarnenft''