Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1873-09-04
Humorous.


WHY is captain haranguing his crew
an upholsterer Because he is a deck
orator.
THE wild boar is one of the most
dreadful animals in nature, except the
tame bore.
LOVE matches are often formed by
people who pay for month of honey
with a life of vinegar.
WHY is young lady Like bill of ex-
change? Because she ought to be set
tied when she arrives at maturity.
IT is suggested that young ladies are
SO anxious to get husbands because
every woman is amiss until she is mar
ried.
WHO could have been the wretch
Hear him: The average Massachu-
setts girls don't want any better facilities
for sliding down hill than Goldfish with
string through the gills.
A New YORK female who read that
the Hoosac Tunnel cost SO, 900 per yard
said she would have dress pattern off
from that piece if the old man didn't
lay up cent for the next two years.
A MAN in New York went to bed
drunk the other night, rolled out and
broke his neck his wife found him dead
in the morning. Moral Shun the flow
ing bowl-or else take the back side of
the bed.
A PRINTER was boasting the other day
about his wonderful ability to set type.
90 know what you can't set," said
comrade. &c What is it? "Two hens
on one nest.
IT was an Irish coroner who, when
asked how he accounted for an extraor-
binary mortality in Limerick, replied,
sadly "I cannot tell. There are peo-
pie dying this year that never died
before"
WHAT is the difference between good
dog show and a bad one? When it is a
good one, the dogs go to the show but
if bad one, the show goes to the dogs.
JONES don't see the use of militia.
"What," he bawled out, 6 is better to
disperse crowd than a good police
man ?'' GA yaller-backed wasp"
shrieked an urchin in the street.
A JUDGE at Montgomery, Ala, re-
Gently interrupted very fowery young
orator with" Hold on, hold on, my
dear siri Don't 90 any higher. You
are already out of the jurisdiction of
this court."
UNDERGOING his examination, a medi-
cal student was asked what was the
mode of action of disinfectants. He
replied: &c They smell SO badly that
the people open the windows and the
fresh air gets in.
A WISCONSIN Justice of the Peace
divorced couple recently as follows:
He stood them in the middle of the
floor, backs together and as they
walked away from each other he re-
peated the marriage ceremony back
ward.
SoRUPnEs = English tourist -" My
man, what's your charge to row me
across the Firth ?" Boatman-" Weel,
sir, was iist thinkin I Gamma break the
Sawbath-day for no less than fifteen
shull' MS p
"WIFE," said the father of very
diminutive child, but which made con-
siderable noise, "spank it, and make it
keep quiet l'' I" 1 would, my dear" re-
piled the conslderate lady, "but really
It is so small that I cannot find room for
spank.
THE New Orleans Pic0ysS'ae says upon
its own personal authority that after
rolling all night in your berth at sea,
till you are miserably sick, it is irritat-
ing to have a steward open the door in
the morning and ask if you will have a
fresh roll for breakfast.
How Minister Washburn came to be
called I" Sir Elihu " in the Paris papers
is explained. A reporter heard Mr.. w.
in conversation with Kentuckian who,
sir, was telling him, sir, that this coun-
try, sir, isn't fit, sir, to compare with
the Bluegrass region, sir, and you
haven't, sir, got glass of Bourbon, sir.