The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-08-02
VARIETY.

a MARTYR To GALLANTRY.-A clerk in tine In
dianapOlis pOst-Ofhce is IN the last stages of
drouth, occasiOned by his own gallantry in vol
unteering to lick and adjust postage stamps for
the young ladies who came TO his window. He
Is very charming-IndianapOl is full Of good
looking girls who love dearly to see him run out
his tongue and mOisten stamp, and the first
thing the unfortunate young man knew he had
exhausted his salivary secretiOns, and was as dry
a boarding house pie The doctor says unless
he can start the sap IN his system nc is u gOner.
An instance of abstraction or bullism is related
of Cork gentleman who. on calling a lady,
was told by the servant that her mistress was not
at home. As he turned TO 90 out he caught a
glimpse Of the lady's head in n mirror through
half-Opened door. An hour after he called
another friend, and found the lady there. .. L
have just been to your house, said he, {. but
had not the pleasure Of seeing you - Indeed
I'm so sorry. But went out in great haste on
business 90 In such haste, presume, that you
left your head behind you, for | 1t in the
glass" did you2 Ii is very possible; am
50 absent-minded''
Writing letter in 4 cofce-house, DIR. Garth
found himself overlooked by n curious Irishman,
who impudently reading every word of the
epistle. Garth took notice of the imperti-
nence until he had finished and signed the body
Of the letter, when he added q postscript of un-
questionable legibility - L would write you
more by this post, but there's a id tall i'm
pudent Irishman looking over my shoulder all
the time =. What do mean, sir?'' roared the
lrishman, in a fury: - do you think L looked
your letter." . Sir" replied the physi-
can, - never once opened my lips to you
lay, but you have put it down, for all that"
- lis impossible, sir, that you should know that,
for you have never once looked over my letter.
Too THIN.-Charley Wildman is 4 married
man. He doesn't seem like a married man, but
he is The other day, in afectiCnare mood,
he was kissing his wife. There was no harm in
-
ming his hand through her hair, he said. musng
ly: .. Dear Katie - Mrs Wildman started
from him if stung by 4 serpent. The reason
washer name is not Katie, but Mary. Then
there was - row, and though Wildman swOre
that he could have called her Katie only because
that was the name Of n heroine IN a novel he
was reading at the time. Mrs. ". isn't satisfied,
and considers the explanation too diaphanOus.
Wildman has registered n VOW never to call his
wife or any other woman by her given name
again, and is committing all the pet names he
can think Of pet =. darling - birdie,
baby" etc, to memory for future use.
T,4E ARTruL. DoDGER IN VrESSA.-A person,
Says a correspondent, with long, fair whiskers,
and dressed in the height Of fashion, entered
hosier's shop in Vienna, and requested the shop
woman, who happened TO be alone, TO show him
some cOlOred shirts. Every variety was brought
out when he made his choice, and requested that
a Parcel might be made up for him. This being
done What an idiot | am - he said. - have
not seen how the shirts look when on. Would
YOU obIige me, mademOiselle, by putting one on
over YOUR dress p" The shOpwOman having COM
piled with his request, - BE good he cOntin-
ued, - 70 button the collar and the wristband,
that I may get a thoroughly good idea of the
effect And now he added, taking up hls par
eel, . allow me te wish you 4 good morning
and IN an instant lie outside the door and
had disappeared-the unhappy girl, perfectly stu
pefcd not daring 10 follow hIIn into the street
on account Of her singular costume. Her en-
plOyer, on returning from his cafe half an hour
later, found her. with the fatal garment still on,
'crying on the counter
Our neighbOr Church was married four times,
and his wives were all buried in n certain grave
yard lt became necessary, ultimately 10 remove
the remains Of the dear departed to another
cemetery. Church undertook the work himself
bat, in carrying the sainted dead out IN furnl-
Il Vre cart, the bones unfortunately got mixed and
W. len reinteTment began, even Church himself
wa.s unable 10 tell which was Emily and which
was, Hannah. After doing the best he could he
had the four graves closed but, being strictly
aeon rats man, ne felt that it would be wrong to
nse : he old tombstones when he was not at all
eertai "a that Hannlh's dust might not at all be
under her tombstone. 20 in order to be precise,
he had a new set made with such inscriptions as
these Here lies Hannah Church, (and proba-
bIy mart of EmiIy), who was born,'' etc, etc
Sacred to the memory OF Mary Church, (who
seems to be mixed with N1atilda) who was born.
etc, etc
For Emily Church lies buried here
Mingled in some perpleSing manner,
With Mary Matilda and probably Hannah"
All the wives seemed satisfied with this az
rangement; but some of Church's mothers
in-laT considered that his sense of RESPONSE
bIIity as n man Of yeracity "a altogether TOO
fine.