The weekly Arizona miner., 1873-02-22
Scientific Congress.

Prof Po-kenbencs read an able paper on the analysis ol drinking water, in various cities of he United States. New York, he thought, had the worst water. He found one glassful contained ten parts pure water, three or saccharne matter, and tho other eighty-seyen parts of "it doesn't mstter at all '" favored with q spoon. Had tested several glasses of il and made very sick by it.
 Prof. Bunyan read an exhaustive scientific pa. per on .he meanucss Of corns, and showed con clusiyey that people are better without them, and that they ought to be extermiuaicd.
 Prof Pary Goric, the celebrated chemist, read long article relating his great discovery of turn Ing gold Into cast iron. He had worked years at the experiment, and had at last been successful. IL the proudest hour of his eventful life! Turning cast iron into gold would be uis next at- tempt. He borrowed five dollars from the presi dent aud went of down town.
 Prot. Rotnegs read paper on compressed air a a motor and illustrated his theory with quill gun wadded with sliced potatoc. During the pertinent the president was struck in the eye with Of the wads, and tue professor rode out Of the door on the toe of the presidents scientific boot.
 Prof. Ben Zeen discoured on the non-com busti. ble coal oil, which he assured tue sayans was not dangerous as it could not be set ahre under any consideration, and was an excellent thing to throw on a burning house, for 1t would put the fire out like water It was the test thing in for lamps. "You fill the lamp up with this oil" he sad 'and stick . taow candle in the lamp" He didn't banker after the gold medal, but wouldn't decline 1t if il were pressed upon him.
 Prof D. Shragge illustrated the abnormal and tONDlOElcal kcienc6 OI buCKiTlS eggs. Ills cNperi- ment on the first egg was success, but the second was failure, as tEe egg was too ripe, and the professor carried out on Q board, with a very bad breath aud in unconscious state.
 Prof z. Bray read learned paper on the per turbations Of the planets and the final dissolution of tho Armament. He was proud to say that he drew bis conclusions from what he had seen with his own eyes Only the night before, he had seen the moon Jumping around promiscuousy; then there two of them the stars danced in the most absiracted manner. The question was raised as to whether he was at that time steady as usual. He affirmed that he was, and that be was holding onto a lamp-post to make himself more so and that he was in his usual miud.
 Prof Short O Brains read d paper devoted to the amelioration Of the moral and physical condl- tion of bed-bugs.
 Prof Looney followed with geological disqui. sition of pryrtes, trilobites, and hea-bItes, and showed brick he had abstracted from his hat
 Paof Loperes borrowed a chew of tobacco from the president, saying he would return it as soon a. he got through with it. He read an able paper on the northern lights and the scientific necessity Of somebody sending for bottle that had green seal on 1t.
 Prof Punkeuead exhibited a section of rai.In- cake which had been on the table at his boarding. house. It was discovered that two-thrds of the raisins had legs. The cake afforded such fine study of natural history that it ordered to be put among the collections of the society, and vote of thanks was presented to the landlord.
 Prof Dedbete presented a complex automatic
 
 ed with spring and made it dance He said he had discovered the curiosity in penny toy-store down town, and was struck by its agility An hour or more was spent in tine examination of this wonderful curiosity. Prof D. also presented for the presidents inspection a box with spring lid which flew open and a monkey jumped up in the presidents face, causing that learned man to straighteu mp suddenly enough to send bic intel. ligent speetacles against the ceiling. It pro- nounced an internal machine, and most diaboli- cal attempt to assasslnate the president, and the professor was assisted out of the window.
 Prof U. Kerr read a most interesting paper on the healthful and manly scientific exercise Of play ing cards, and the beauty of holding five aces.
 Prof St tur) John exhibited fish weighing twenty pounds, which he had caught himself On opening it he found inside a couple Of hair.pins one pewter plate, one step-ladder, brass kettle, q cast-ron stove, brick cellar and quarter sec. ton of pank.road.
 The Congress then adjourned to a neighboring saloon to examine Weis bier which sign said was within.