The Volcano lubricator. (Volcano, W. Va.) 1871-1879, 1873-08-19
MSceWGRy.
Poking Fun at a Railroad.

But about this railroad. or course
7 want it aboliShed-every one does.
The reckless Velocity with which the
trains ruin between here and Peters.
burg is absolutely frightful. / was
delighted years ago; when this road
was established, because thought we
had got rid OF the old rickety and dan
gerously fast STAGE coach; but the
speed with which they are beginning
to run on this road; Is worse yet. Now
everybody knows that Petersburg is
TWENTY-FIVE miles from Richmond, if
it is an inch, and day and a-half is
plenty quick enough for the trip; but
the managers have already reduced the
schedule to one day, and with making
the engine fires too hot, and racing
with cows along the road, and all that,
the conductors are even cutting that
ting down.
Why, it was only the other day, on
the home trip; we happened to spy old
Inns mule about two miles from Man
chester. What should the reckless
wretch Of an engineer do but to clap
on a full head OF steam and race every
foot Of the way into town. We didn't
exactly pass the mule, but we caught
up with him twice, and came into Man
chester crossing neck and neck; and
which was putting most, the mule or
the engine, you couldn't have told to
save SoGr life.
Now it was exciting and all that, l
know, but | hadn't purchased an acci-
dent ticket, and ! don't believe the
other four passengers had either. This
is all wrong, Mr.. Editor.
And then on another occasion, re-
member, we came within a hairs
breadth Of having a very serious acci.
dent. The engineer had gollen of to
snow ball ch!piiiunk; and The cohduc-
tor was minding young widows ba-
by for her-the result was that the
train happened to get on a down grade
and was started of at 4 terrific rate;
every bit OF ionr miles an hour, l
should think. We were just half a
mile above Chester, and the first thing
we knew, there being no one TO whis-
tie and wake up the switch.tender, we
we're turned of into the C6aifield road,
and went down the track at full speed.
Imagine our CONSERVATION when, just
at this moment we heard the whistle,
not half mile ahead oil us, Of the up
coal train.
We were paralyzed with terror
here were 20 trains on the same track
approaching each other at the dizzy
speed just mentioned. Evidently our
time had come! In few short hours
the engines would meet, and then-de.
struction!
With great presence Of mind a min
lister on board organized a prayer
meeting. Pale, hut calm, the doomed
band of passengers sat: and though
with the very shadow OF death upon
them, raised their voices in a parting
hymn.
"Send for the baggage MASTER" said
a young man with sad smile:
"Why?" was asked.
because we are all about to pass in
our checks"
Everybody wept. From the rear
platform VIZ could see the miserable
engineer, straining every nerve to catch
up, but he had tight boots on, and
d dn't gain anything to speak Of.
At this moment a ray Of hope
dawned Upon us. I had just finished
writing my will on the back OF visit,
ing card, when observed young la
day in the act Of detaching her hustle
Placing the article-which was cont
posed of eight hundred papers and a
hair mattress-under her arm, the he
rone marched through the car.
We. followed her anxiolsly.
She climbed up on the tender, and
then over the engine. 1t was very in
teresting and thrilling to sec her Climb
ing the wheels and brars things On her
way to the cow catcher. 1t reminded
me OF a country gir: getting over
wire fence. But never mind about tha
now. Let me see where | was. Oh
yes; on the COW catcher. Holding OF
by the cross bars with one nand, tht
noble maiden tied the hustle on th'
sharp PROV with the other.
You can guess the result. In TIT
course of the afternoon the collision
came of. Protected by the hustle, th'
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