Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1873-12-20
WHEN I wAs DROWNED.
BY WILLIAM 4. MAHRR.


had met me ut the door with, "Miss Mansfield IL
not at home to Mr.. Tablet" and had turned
away from the door.
what all this meant was at a loss to conjsc-
ture. When 1 heard IL the first time i was
puzzled and amazed; the next time paned but
now I was maddened, and felt that it had been
.sNot at home to Mr.. Talbot" Pleasant mes
sage from the woman who had promised to be
my wife, was II not? Why, IL WAS but q week
ago that she had placed her face to mine, and
her, and now, she was .'not at home.'
had known Laura Mansfield for many years
before asked her to be my wife. So far as the q,
wealth as well as in intellectually. i say 80
far as the world judges" because l do not
judge men and women as the world OF fashion
does. That man would be a very shallow one,
In my opinion, who could think Of measuring his
love against au2ht but the wonan's love for
/ loved Laura and loved her truly. 1 was
no weak, pulling boy, full of crude fancies OF
love. but an earnest man, who knows why he
loved and trusted. She was woman, guided
by her reason and her love; not giddy, capri
cious girl. But we differed in that, was some
what sluggish in though and decision, while she
vas impIomptuous in her decisions:
tried 10 recall every word and look or our
last evening together, but could remember
nothing that would give me clue to her present
action, and for the huudredth time in the las
few days was forced to give IL up.
"Not at home to me! Very well would
not trouble her to send the message again
The world would wag on much as 1t had done
and mems lives were made of tougher materia
thai to be withered by a woman's frown.
While these thoughts were running through
my mind had walked on and On, paying but
little heed to my steps until had passed the
village, followed the lane leading to the river,
and stopped only when reached the bank.
l was aroused from my reverie by the sound
of the busy hammers Of the bridge builders,
them hew and match the timbers and planks,
and then raise them to their places. The
hum of the workingmens voices had CHEEKY
sound in it, and at last led me to 60 out among
them.
L picked my way among the timbers care
fully and was almost at the end of the complet-
ed part, when / fancied / heard my name
spoken by some one on shore. i turned, with
out thinking of where 1 was, missed my step
upon the plank, had time to call for help, and
the next instant was under the water.
1t seemed an age to me before 1 arose again.
Down, down, down / went in the greenish
water, and then without any apparent cause /
began to rise. The water water hurt my eyes, ana
thousand cannon were numbering In discord
upon every side of me. But my thinking facul-
ties were unclouded, and my mind was busy
or heard of what men should do when they were
in danger of drowniDg. wondered If the work
men would be ready with assistance for me
when reached the surface, and remembered
| would have but three chances for my life.
Then was above the water.
No one was near to help me. called out
out with my hands and feet, as had seen swim
mers do; but 1t was all Of no avail; l sank
again.
oh! the horrid. horrible noises within my
head, They were growing louder and louder.
[ cursed my foolish fancies, that had prevented
me Tearing to swim when was boy. And
why were not the men doing something for me?
They had but to throw out board or arOpe and
would be saved. They must have seen and
heard me fall. Will they be ready now? o
God. have mercy and send me help.
49, l. nit h
short. The fool. why is he so slow? Help!
help. He. God! the word is finished
under the water, and have choked myself
with what / swallowed. This terrible, terrible
roaring noise. My head will split asunder! i
have one more chance. If but hand was near
me; if but some one would save me; cannot
die am not ready 1t cannot be! There is
light again. Father in heaven. help, oh! help,
There comes boat! Hurry oh, hurry. How
slow they come heaven! one minute more,
clumsy fool. He has lost his oar, and am left
1 won't go down. I VIII not die Oh, this
lead! L wont go down! Ha. l am rising! No,
can not feel myself move. But the Internal
roar in my head has increased and maddens me.
There are ten thousand shrieking devils within
my ears. They yell like tortured souls in hell!
Louder 1t grows! Louder! Louder!!!
Why, what ls this? Music? Yes, sweetest,
dresniest music comes stealing upon my senses
and drives away the hordes of Satan. IT'S
sweeter, this, than life. Am l in heaven? No
water covers me; no dread OF fear rests upon my
spirit; / am content; my soul is full of peace
and rest. This must be heaven, but am all
alone.
/ must have fioated in the invisible ether, for
here l see another world. There are hills and
mountains, trees and flowers, and there are men
and women walking TO and fro. How like the
place where fret lived! Why, 1t is the self same
place! 1 seem TO remember that little boy who
tuns about the street. All, thought 80! He is
myself. Follow him! See him pince the lame
boy, push over the little girl at the corner,
worry the OLD blind soldier! Yes,i did all that!
They were funny then, but they seem fearfully
cruel now. ! wish had never been so bad.
Follow him still. He drinks and swears and
CANDLES. Follow him! stop him! Oh, IL had
never done these things! But he goes on to
worse vet. His life is all bad. 1t was my life,
my own evil life. If but had 1t to live over
again.
But his heart is not all bad. See him kneel
beside that maiden and swear to live better
lifel Love has touched his heart, and love is
but another name for God. He strives hard to
conquer himself; he is succeeding slowly. There
he sits beside the woman he loves. les, u Is
Laura and myself. My face is trustful and
happy, but Laura's is somewhat suspicious. l
hear our words, and am living over again my
last night with her. There, letter drops on the
to go with "good night" on my lips: Before
close the door / turn around, and there Is a
bitter, scornful smile upon her race What
could that letter have been? 1t was not mine
had forgotten until now. i saw 1t fail, but
thought 1t dropped from Laura's hand. ought
to have remembered it before. 1t was from my
old friend Jessie King, and l thought had put
it on my table.
That must have been the letter Laura found
yes, and it accounts for her subsequent beha-
vior. The letter was but line.--"Dear Frank,
l will wait for you at - SATURDAY
Laura must have supposed Jessie was lover,
while she is really married to my Cousin
John.
"Saturday?" When will Saturday come, 1
wonder? She will net find me there. And
Laura? She will learn. some day, that Jessie
was but my friend. How remorseful she will
be. And mother, poor old mother! what will
she do when they tell her am never coming to
All! life, life, you were pleasant and bright,
but II this is death, give me what have. 1
hear the heavenly music once more, and my
spirit turns to 1t. How sweet; how enchantingly
sweet. IT'S full of rest and perfect peace.
delicious languor creeps upon my soul, envel-
ops me, woos me to sleep.
oh, horrors. What was that? There II Is
again. Can be in hell? Millions OF devils are
torturing me. They are creeping into my
lungs, my heart, nv brain! Now they pierce
my every nerve! o God! have pity! They come
in myriads. They pour hot lead into my veins,
they dance upon me, and their feet are full of
hot irons that pierce me through and through.
Have pity, Lord, have pity! oh! they grow