The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1873-05-24
WIT AND WISDOM

An occasional contributor "phuuny
phellow, puts a. AZ appearance this week
Nideicit
If il be true, az supposed, that il did not
rain until the days Of Noah, what use was
1t To- make adam (AdanJ IT, catch the
dew Of Eve Of course
Why are dentists Ike a certain patented
invention Because they ART stump e.
tractors
Why should a certain trunk mnnufac-
turer ~ BelevIlle be considered a temper
ance man Because Ne is cold water
(kaltwasserJ fellow
Why IS the ST Clair County Court like
Ben Butler Because II has but one good
peeper PieperL
Which Of the great American docks eX-
hibIts the most activity just now The
Modocs, y ~ sure
Why is the attempt % exterminate the
Modocs thus far Ike game Of seven-up
Because they make Low while our boys
get high, and can always count On
Jack and their game
Why Will the people II Illinois, for =
time, have 10 Keep sober Because their
chief Beverage vii Nv gone several weeks.
Which Of Grants pet plans Is Il that has
both failed and succeeded
His Peace Policy has failed
His Piece Policy has been a success
Why Is the marriage NJ the author Of
"lnnocents Abroad according tu the Biblei
Because tho Book Vt Marx declares the
Twain shall be one flesh
We had always Thought "Sam Hin Vas
a by-word or myth but such Is not the
case, as We learn he ~ "a well tJ-do farmer
Of Looking Glass Prairie
PHuNNN PHELLow
Some men spend fortune in coloring
their pipes, others spend fortune color
ing their faces We know one man Who
has spent twenty Thousand dollars simply
IN culoring hls nose. and is not satisfied
yet We hold him AZ a beacon Grtphi,
A Dubuque testator formally gave. de-
vised ana begueathed his wearing apparel
to his wife, for the reason that She had
been accustomed % wearing 'em during
her married life.
Whenever a reporter huds a policeman
asleep he considers it piece of legitimate
police snooze, ana prints Il accordingly.
There have been many definitions of
gentleman, but the prettiest and most pa
I lAAtAlh - AllAt -ANNI NN a NtuiiE ldfANf " liN
says IA gentleman j. a human being
combining woman's tenderness with mans
courage
Kate Field denies that she is threatened
with deafness. and wants Nv know who
started that ear story. Kate has never
been threatened with dumbness, either.
Detroit Free Press
Kate odght to know without asking If
she hadn't rejected the fellow on thr F,yy
Press the story would never have been
started
shrewd old gentleman once said to hIs
daughter. BE sure. my dear you never
marry poor man. but remember that the
poorest man III the world j. the one that
has money and nothing else
Those little brothers Will we never hear
the last of them On the communication
of a recent marriage m an uptown family
a visitor uuwisely observed tu the young
ster, =" Y uu 're a brother IN law now. Tom
my. Yes, said Tommy, putting wit hIs
cheeks Extensively, "but Ma sayz D Ire al
uncle, ny ANA by
80 am nut used t1 begging saiI q little
girl 70 a lady % whom She had asked aims
because only two weeks ago ms father
vas merchant Why, child. how could
he be reduced to povert, so soon t' ..My
father took bad tw,-dnIIar hllI at lis
peanut stand, and it ruined hmm. subbed
the child
THE following choice blt w obituary Ivy
etry recently Appeared in Philadelphia
paper "Our little Nalhe ana NV heaven
", Baby hte SD fleet ls, She Vas afflicted
With thr cerrbrIy spinal meningitis
Az Indiana lawyer lately defend-d
man for keeping Dds saloon open after t-u
y o'clock at night IT, made the plea that 10
MAS ten O'Clock until " was eleven and
won the case
NEWs was sent tl Mn Baruum. written
on th- back Wy " card, by the elephant
trainer, and read Ky follows Mr Bar
mum one ut thr rllfants y ded. r. dyed
uf euturmatluu.