Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1873-10-23
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

SAILORS ideas are generally crewed
"TEXAs is Spanish and means q
plain.
WHAT burns to keep secret? Sealing
wax, to be sure.
FIFTY new weekly newspapers have
been started in Nebraska within the past
year.
"SAM, why am de dogs de most intelli-
gent folks in the world ?" Because dey
nose ebryting'
MANY people in the world live by
hook or by crook. They begin with the
crook, and then the hook comes naturally
enough
for his motto, Early to bed and early to
rise, never get tight and advertise, let
your wares be known if you are wise
THE British sovereigns now on their
way to this country will, it is re-
ported be naturaliZed by melting them
down, and recoining them in United
States coinage.
THERE are only two living animals
the man and the dog-which can stand an
instantaneous change from Arctic. cold to
tropical heat without suffering deteriora-
ton or losing health.
PARAsoLs, to screen from the sun, were
luxuries known to the Chinese and Tar
tars as early as the fourth century, and
perhaps long before, but they were ensigns
of dignity, and used only by persons OF
rank
SAID Mrs. jerks, on her return from
church, when I see the shawls of those
Johnsons, and then think of what l have
to wear, if it was not for the consola-
tions Of religion, l don't know what !
would do"
A NEGRO held a COW while crosse eyed
man was to hit her on the head with an
ak. The negro, observing the mans eyes
in some fear inquired, "Is you gwine to
hit where you look?" "Yes." Dem
said Cuffee, ''hold the COW yourself"
AN unsophisticated farmer when asked
by the paying teller of a bank what de-
nomination he would have his bills in
replied, You may give me sprinklin
OF Presbyterian, but the heft on 'em I'll
| take in good old Hard-shell Baptist"
FIVE geese died suddenly in Cali
fornia and pOstmortem examination re-
vealed five dollars worth of gold in each,
supposed to have been picked up in some
mining sluice. THE goose that laid the
golden egg" is now no longer amyth.
TUPPER remarks that "a babe in the
house is a well-spring of pleasure;" and
so, perhaps, it is; but there is time
(Spilkins is our authority when it is as
insufferable as a funeral next door
That" saith Spilkins, "is when it is
awake
AN old farmer became seriously i'll, and
was urged by his neighbors, who thought
he was going to die, to call in a minister
to pray for him "To pray for mel No,
sir; | am an original Granger, and do not
want any middle man between me and
Almighty Godr'
THE river Shannon is the largest salmon
river in Ireland. 1t is frequented by the
fish from its sources to the sea, is 100 miles
in length, and has a catchment basin of
4,553 square miles. 1t possesses at least
fifty good tributaries, twenty-five of which
are frequented by the fish.
A NAN who came down to Leavenworth
recently from st. Joe, TO attend the fair,
mistookCentral Market for the Exposition,
and walked around among the wagons for
about two hours He pronounced it a
good display, but said there was rather
more competition in hay and wood than
he had seen at any of the other fairs.
CHAT seat is engaged" said a pretty
young maid, as l entered a car one day.
ITO whom .' "a young gentleman" she
poutingly said "Then where is his bag
gage, pray?" Her rosy lips opened like
rosebuds in spring; her face in deep
bushes was dyed; as, muttering GROSSLY,
you hateful old thing! Why, l am his
baggage" she cried
AN Ohio clergyman relates that as he
was once about to marry a couple the man
said: 'Be short! be shortr' | said Yes,
| can do it in three minutes" That's
right" he said. | saw that there was some
little dissatisfaction on the part of the
woman. I said: You don't want to have
it too short?" NO" she said, "a body
don't want to get herself up so for moth
ing"
ACCORDING to California paper, a
young lady of that city, in telling gen
tleman about her Yosemite trip, said the
scenery was gorgeOus-pcrfec1y ravish-
ing-but she didn't like their style of To-
comotion down there "How's that?'
said her friend, chow did you locomote?"
why, don't you think" she replied, II
had to ride Ia clothes-pin."
THE New Orleans Times gets off the fol
lowing bustling poetry:
Mary had little lamb.
With which she used TO tlsSfe.
She snatChed the wool all off its back
And stuffed it in her hustle.
The lamb soon saw he had been feeced,
And in passion flew;
But Mary got up her
And stuffed the lamb n too.
A son of Ethiopia entered Station Ill,
at Boston, few evenings ago, to com
plain of coiored brother who had broken
a chair into splinters over his head. Upon
an insinuation regarding the absence of
marks on his craniUm, he Indignantly an
swered: "Nol e didn't make no marks,
but e smashed de char all ter pieces, and
de char b'longed ter me-"
SUPPOSE a man owns skiff; he fastens
the skiff to the shore with rope made OF
straw; along comes COW; cow gets into
the boat, turns round, and eats the rope
the skif, thus let loose, with the cow on
board, starts down stream, and on its pas
sage is upset: the COW is drowned. Now,
has the man that owns the cow got to pay
for the boat or the man that owns the
boat got to pay for the cow
A FEW years ago, gentleman who had
lost bis nose, was invited out to tea. MY
dear" said the good lady of the house to
her little daughter, Il want you TO bevery
particular and make no remark about MI.