The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-05-07
VOLUME XXsI--.--NO. q.
Humors Of the Times.

"Well, wife, you can't say I ever
contracted bad habits" .sNo, cir.
you generally expand then" 75s
"A man from Zanzibar, Africa. ID
registered at a Troy hotel. He lis,
supposed to be in search Of stauley,
with a bill, a.'s zHs0
When a Cincinnati woman shoots
at her drunken husband and misses
him, the iiewapapers say: !aAnothe.
bullet wasted.D
WHAT'S the difference between
a Jew and q lawyer? The one
gets his law from the prophet, the
other his profit from the law.
Mrs. O'Leary, that owned the
COW that upset the lamp that fred
the barn that burned Chicago, has
recently opened a millinery store,
The Indianapolis Journal com.
plains that, in making post n,orten,
examinations, the doctors of that
place usea wood saw, a butter knife
lad an ak.
Since the young ladies have.
taken to using newspapers for bus
tiles, publishers complain that their
talr subscribers, are more in arrears
than before.
A clergyman in Pennsylvania,
INSTEAD Of saying ''Let us pray r r
says; sIet us interview the throne.
'|of grace" The dominic had once
been q reporter.
& Fashion is rarely useful. Il
lscorns utility. That of wearing
l the hair loosely down the back ID
!. now going, out just as fly tins
Ibegins to dawn. -
A conductor on The Pennsyl lvania
Railroad telegraphed from Derry
station recently "Train delayed
fifteen minutes on account Of q
5Iiady. Don't know whether itt is 8
BOY or a girl.' q RI
s An Alabama paper says Of q re-
Gently elected member of the Leg.
lslature that he has already shown
his devotion to- the State by nine
years gratuitous service: In the
Estate penitentiary.
Marx Twain. in speaking Of,
Icannibalism, grows serious for
Ionce, and solemnly declares that
for his own part he "would 60
hungry for two days rather than
eat an old personal friend" iFaa
A spiritualistic burglar in Spring.
field, Massachusetts,, plead in de-
tense that "the spirit of q dark
haired woman controlled bis ae.
tions, and directed him when and
where to break through and steal"
severe you ever baptized? in-
quired an earnest minister of B
green candidate. "No-no-'o sir!
Never except once't, and then / fell
Iin!' ja 81 q,
A minister not long ago, preached
from the text, "Be ye, therefore,
steadfast! r but the printer made
him expound from "Be:ye: there for
breakfast e
A publisher, gave a very good
reason for preferring deceased au-
thors for living ones. He said that
the former never kept him waiting
for copy.
Why are GOALS the most contra
|dictory articles known to commerce.
Because when purchased, instead
of going to the buyer they go to
the cellar.
Among the officials who are to
accompany the Persian Sha to
Europe. is his astrologer. He'll
see stars enough to astonish him
and to complicate his calculations.
elbow hollow it sounds !" said q
patient under the movement, az
the physician was vigorously
noundinr his chest. ooh. thatss
nothing!" said the doctor; Swait
till we get to the head!'
Benevolent old lady "Sakes
alive, child! what do you want two
pals of cold victuals for? You
had one only yesterday Little
girl eyes ma'am, but mothers
taken boarders since!'
"Leuny" said "a maiden aunt,
"you should eat the harley that is
in your soup, or you will never get
a man" Lenny, looking up inpo-
Gently, inquired, els that what you
eat it for, aunty?"
j In a recent murder case in Ten.
, nessee, the counsel for the prose-
cution spoke to the victim "lying
wrapped in soliloquy of bis own
; blood" ..
) The latest whopper is told by the
, World, to the effect that the bull
r frogs attain such size in California
1 that the hams are smoked for winter
consumption,
: It is little singular how much
,olrohla time q man will take uC