The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1873-01-15
NO. 81.


leisure for jcsting, but was the object
of some popular jokes which he took
with indifference. The guests Of Au-
gustus were afraid to "crake a joke''
| in his presence. They would whis-
pcr'o one to neighbor, aud then turn
pale if the Emperor invited them to
speak up" The imperial table was
as grand and dull as that of the cop
per Augustus, Louis the Fourteenth,
and the Emperor had recourse to
merryandrews, just as the Grand
Monarqne bad to harlequins. But
the harIequins Of those days were
gentlemen a1d scholars. The grim
Tiberius, on the other hand, was re-
markablv facetious His delight was
to puzzle his learned guests with un-
answerable questions, such as What
was the name of the song the
Syrens sang?" and the Ike. Fancy
half a dozen members of the Society
of Antiquaries dining with her mai
esty and being grayely asked who
built the marble halls the Bohemian
dreamt she dwelt in! or what was
the Christian name of the Minstrel
boy 2" and at atperiod "Auld lang
syne had been youngy" Neverthe-
less, Tiberius was nicer man to
deal with than Caligula, all Of whose
jests were brutally cruel, in words,
and oftener in deeds What sert
Gus joke was that when, having noth-
ing ON but the linen apron Of a victim
slayer, he raised the mallet, and in
stead of staying the beast, knocked
out the brains of the sacrificing priestl
Claudius was too huge feeder to
have an appetite for wit; but he
would have eaten the whole beast
that his predecessor should have kill
ed. Yet Claudius, half beast himself,
had a good deal of the scholar in him,
as Nero had, who loved science, adj
mired art, was mildly witty, and there
with as savage as an insane hyena.
We must except the occasion of his
visiting the theatre, when he sat in
an upper seat, and found delight in
fiinging nuts down upon the bald head
of the prator below. That official
was as proud of the attention as if
every nut had been an especial honor.
Joyless Galba had none of the Neron-
ic fun in him. But though not mirth-
full himself, Galba could smile when
he heard the popular slang name, in
allusion to his fiat nose, "Simius." t"
His successor, Otho, was just such a
wit as man might be expected to be
who washed his face in asses milk
If witty men went away from him
feeling heavy, it was the result of ex-
changing ideas with their imperial
master He had his wit at second
hand, as Vitellius had who got his
Jokes from stage-player and ehario-
teer. Perhaps Vespasian was great
er joker than any of them, but his
jokes were often broad and seurrilous.
Titus was rather gracious than given
to jesting, though he enjoyed one sor-
ry joke, in promising to every suitor
that his request should be granted.
They went away radiant Every
one," he said, "oughtto depart joyful
/ ly from the presence of his prince =
and then, ''the delight of mankind''
thought no more of his promise. The
chief recreation of the gloomy Domi.
tian was in playing dice; but be al
ways won. Every antagonist knew
what the joFe would cost him if he
beat the Emperor l
Altogether, those twelve Caesars
were men compounded of the most
opposite qualities, with small modi-
cum of what is called wit among the
whole of them Out of all those who
followed, one alone, Hadrian, made a
standing and sterling joke-a joke
which has descended to us and adj
ded slang phrase to our vulgar
tongue. To "scrape acquaintance
comes to us from Hadrian. He was
at the public baths one day when he
saw one of his veteran soldiers scrap
ing his body with tile. That was
such poor luxury that Hadrian order
ed that his old comrade should be
supplied with more suitable cleansing
materials, and also with money On
a subsequent occasion, when the EN-.
peror again went to the bath, the
spectacle before him was quite anus
ing. A score of old soldiers who had
fought under Hadrian were standing
in the water, and each was currying
himself with tile and wincing at
the self-inflicted rubbing. The en-
peror perfectly understood what he
saw and what was the purpose of the
sight. "Ha! hap he exclaimed
you had better scrape one another,
] my good fellows He added, ''You
certainly shalln not serape acquaintance
with me. - Temple Bar
4