The Portland daily press., 1873-11-19

|
my name is Met lue, sir! William Mcc.,,.
an a brother of the late Alexander Mc(,lae
picked up your paper this morning, ami per.
eeived in it an outrageous insult to nv de
ceased relative, and i have come around IN
demand, sir, WHAT DO you MEAN by the fol-
lowing infamous language?
The aeath angel smote Alexander McGlue
And gave him prOtracted repose;
He wore check shirt AMI a numb n nine shoe,
| And he had pink wart on bis nose
No doubt he Is happier dwelling in space
| over there on the evergreen shore.
HIS frienis are informed that funeral takes place
| Precisely at quarter past four.
This is simply diabGlical. Ny late BROTH
er had no wart on his nose, sir. He had up
on bis nose neither pink wart nor a green
wart, nor "a cream-c jlored wart; nor wart of
any other color. 1t is gratuitous insult to
my family, and distinctly want you to say
what you mean by such conductp'
Really, sir" said Drummer, sit Is a mis-
take, This is the horrible work OF an incendi-
ary miscreant whom trusted as a brother.
He shall be punished by my own hand for
this Outrage. A pink wart! awful straw
full The miserable scoundrel shall suffer for
this-he shall, indeed!'
| How could KNOW murmured OFT, out
| there by himself, "that the corpse hadnt {
pink wart? used to know q man named Nc
Glue, and he had on, aud thought all the
McGlues had. This comes of irregularities
in families"
"And who,' said another man, addressing
the editor, authorized you to print this hide.
Gus stun about my deceased son? Do YOU
mean to say Il was not with your authority
that your low comedian inserted with my ad-
vertisement the following scandaous bur.
lesque? Listen to this:
Willie had purple monkey climbing on yellow
And when he sucked the paint all on it ma 10 him
deathly siek
And bill goodbye to earth and went into a better
OH no more he'll sh ot his sister with hi. little
And no more hen twist the pu,sys tall, and make
The prssSys ail now stands out straight the gun is
died. 1880
| The utterly atrocious character of this
balderdash will appear when say that VIII
liam was twenty years old, that he never had
purple monkey on stick, that he never
fooled with cats, and that he died of liver
ccmplaiu.'
! Infamout !-utterlv infamousp p' groaned the
editor, as he cast his eyes over the lines.
"And the wretch who did this still lives 1t is
too mnchr'
| Sand yet" whispered OFT to himself, che
told me to tighten the gloom and to cheer
the afflicted family with the resources of my
art; and certainly thought that idea about
the monkey would have that elect somehow.
| 1t is ungrateful!'
At this jucture tine sheriff entered, his brow
clothed with thunder. Ee had a COPY OF the
Morning Glory in his hand. He approached
the editor. and pointed to death notce said;
"kead that horrible mockery of my woe, and
chastise him."
The editor read as follows:
| We have lost our Iiifle Haupar in a 49,
| manner '' r
And we have often asked, How can her sui.rines be
When ber death was first reported her aunt got up
With the grief that soc supported for it made her
She was such little seraph that hsr father who is
sheriff,
Really doe MT seem to care If he never smiles in life
again.
She has gone we hope, to Heaven. at the early age
Funeral starts off at eeven) where she'll never moro
| have pain.
| LAS consequence of this infamy, with
draw all the county advertising from your
paper. A man who could thus trife with
tne ieenngs OF parent 10 savage and
scoundrell' As the sheriff went out, Brim-
mer placed his head upon the table and
| groaned.
Really" Mr.. OFT reflected, '.thar person
must be deranged. / tried, in his case. to
put myself in his place, and to write as II l
were one OF the family, according to instruc-
tions. The verses are beautiful. That al
lasion to the grief of her aunt, particularly.
seems TO me t be very happy. It expresses
| i1eht emotion with felicitous combina lion
| OF s'eetDess and force. These people have
/ no soui no appreciation of the beautiful in
| art" ="
While the poet mused, hurried steps were
nearu upon the stairs, and in moment n
man with red hair and a ferocious glare in
bis eyes entered, carrying club and accom-
panied by savage-lookng dog
want 10 see the editor he shouted
"A ghSstiy pallor overpread Brimmer's
face, and he said:
The editor is not in.n
wei! when will he be in, then ?,
Not for week-for a month-for a wear
I-for-ever! He will never come in anv
ttore? screamed Brimmeil ''He has gone
ro;uth W f;outh America, with the intention TO re-
Ua hnere during the balance of his lie.
20 ne a naS S;;eparted. He has fled. If YOU want
eonator ~'hYou had better follow him to the
wonld advise will be glad to see you. 1
mex boat-to sta. at 60 Sno' , W take tue
hae tne golden locks; ,S,ed for the purpose Of
0atter.ng n,i1 nm m up with ciubf' p''' VI
ticalIy. HE will .eeret n isrimmer, sarcas.
write to him, and mention thai you; % VIII
in." gu dropped
my name is McFadden," said b.
came here to break the head of theian.
who wrote that obituary poetry about'an.,
wife,. II you don't tell me who perpetratea
Re following I'll break yours for you'll
ton.n;Se,s the man who wrote this? Pay at
She has Lden has gone from this life;
She caught the IA its sorrows and cares;
While scrubbing fHRatles in both Of her legs
They put mustard plasi ia4iar a4iaar and stairs.
Il HAD harv Wit 4, ,xunf frts
Blu, Thursday her spirit detarted,H%aL "a iI9; ast;
Her body entirely numb. si1
| ''The slave who held the late Mrs. McFao>
! den up to the scorn Of an unsympathe;c
word in that shocking manner" said the
edltor, us named Remington Ou. He
boards in Blank street, fourth DIOR from the
conner. l would advise you to call on him
and avenge Mrs. McFadden's wrongs with
Judcious in.ermixture OF club and dog
| bites"
And this" sighed the poet outside the
door, ''is the man who told me to divert
McFaddens mind from contemplation of the
horrors OF The tomb. 1t was this monster
who councilled me to make the sunshine of
| McFadden's smiles burst through the tempest
Of McFadden's tears! II that red-headed
monster couldn't smile over tnat allusion to
| whiskey and rum; ii those remarks about
| the rheumatism in her legs could not divert
his mind from the horrors of the tomb-was
II my fault? McFadden grovelsl He knows
no more about poetry than a speckled mule
knows about the ShortetC Cal echism."
The poet determined TO leave before any
further criticisms were made upon Ais per-
fornances. He jumped down from his chair
and crept softly toward the back staircase.
| Arriving at the landing, he suddenly encoun-
| tered Brimmer, who moving in TIE same
| direction. The editor had hardly time enough
to utter pr fame ejaculation and to lift his
hand to strike the poet, when an old lady in
poke bonnet and silver speetacles suddenly
emerged from the stairway and pinned the
editor to the wall with the ferule oi her UNI
brella. After grinding her teeth at him for
moment she foored him with her weapon.
| aud seating herself upon his prustrate form.
| she extracted copy of The Morning Glorv
| from her bag, and, pointing to a certain stan.
Ia in the obituary column asked OFT to read il
aloud. He did so. 1t ran in this fashion:
Little Aexander's dead;
Jam him In a coffin;
Don't have as good chance
For a tun' raj often;
Rush his body right around
To the cemetery,
II n--. L.. IL.