The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-12-20
ANECDOTES.

some mean advantage of him. 1.-The
best woman in the world, sir" says
Squills, ''but now and then she will
act mean, and she can't help it."
Last Saturday at breakfast" said
Squills, she was as smiling US basket
of chips"
Are your chops done to your liking,
Squills, dear?'
"Deliciously, my love-"
Il broiled them myself, dear"
ST knew it was going to be hot" said
Squills, land when / went out into the
hall to leave, Mrs. Squills was there
with my hat in one hand and my over
coat in the other"
"Squills, dear" she began.
thought it time to pitch in here,
so said quietly:
How much, Mrs. Squills? Out with
it, my love-"
"Mr. Squills," said she, don't be
unmanly sir, I beg; not to say ridicu-
lous. Gussy wants silk dress to go to
church in; the poor child really isn't
decent-You are very sorry well SO you
ought to be. Let her say her prayers
at home No, Mr. Squills, she shan't
stay at home, and she shan't say her
prayers, and Mr.. Squills, you're enough
to aggravate saint, and you re conduct
is disgusting, and it's enough to drive q
woman to bolt right off to Chicago and
get divorce"
81 thought this was a good time to
fire off my pet Joke" said Squills, $50 /
said, Mrs Squills, bolt is always in
order Then l bolted myself, for Mrs
| lie of Eo,1 co.,
When went home at night, Gussy.
dear child, played all my pet Offenbach
music, and l knew l was in for the dress,
only wanted to hold out till morning,
just for the look Of the thing.
For five years alter we were married
said Squills, Mrs. S. would persist in
looking under the bed for man. It's
the same man every woman looks for,
suppose, because they all do'it Well,
failing to find the man, Mrs. Squills fin
ally gave him up in disgust and took to
something else. l Isuppose," said Squills,
''they all take to something else after
they can't find the man under the bed.
Mrs. Squills weakness is boiling the
door. Mr.. Squills, have you bolted the
doorY is always the last thing at night.
This particular night" said Squills,
'Mrs S. was very dignified and distant
No familiarties, Mr.. Squills, if you
please; you wounded my feelings in their
tenderest point this morning, and ] can
not forget, though you did, that 1 am
children, Mr.. Squills.
''This was pitching in uncommonly
strong, you know" said Squills, ''and
was about to surrender, when Mrs.
Squills turned off the gas and coiled her
self up in pet, somewhere on the out
! side bed rail. Not even good might,
Squiils.' felt pretty bad about it, l
can tell you, but I went to sleep. 1
don't know how long 1 had slept, but
some time, when I experienced kick in
the back, as if playful mule had been
tanning me. Perhaps it was necessary,
as 1 always sleep hard"
"'Mr. Squills, at last heard Mrs S.
say, MIR. Squills, have you bolted the
door?
"Now 1 leave it to any man." said
Squills appealingly. whether that is
the correct thing for the mother of a
family to do? Of course 1 got up and
bolted that internal door, and l said
Mrs. Squills, why the deuce didn't you
think of boiling the door before 1 went
to sleep, and not to wake up a man in
the middle of cold night to do it?'
What do you suppose her answer was?
Why, Mr.. Squills,' said she, 4
thought bolt was always in order
"What did 1 say? What could 1 say?
And the worst of it all" said Squills,
"Pll be hanged if she wasn't laughing at
me; could feel the bed shaking"-St
Louis Republican.
Protestant Cow. - Paddy Murphy
and his wife Bridget, after many years
of hard labor ditching and washing, had
accumulated a sufficiency beside sup
porting themselves and the 'childers' to
purchase COW (of course they had
pigs, which they did at the first oppor-
tunity. AS it was bought of Protes-
tant neighbor, Paddy stopped on his
way home at the house of the priest, and
procured bottle of holy water with
which to exercise the false faith out of
her.
''Isn't she foine crature?" asked Pat,
of the admiring Bridget. Jest hould
her till fix the she'd"
To save the precious fluid from harm,
he took it into the house and set it up
in cupboard until he had fixed things.
Then he returned and brought the bot
tie back again, and while Bridget was
holding the rope, proceeded to pour ii
upon her back.
But poor Paddy had made a slight
mistake. Standing in the same closet
was bottle of aqua forts that had been
procured for a far different purpose,
and as it dropped upon the back of the
poor COW, and the hair began to smoke
and the flesh burn, she exhibited decid-
ed appearances of restlessness.
"Pour on more, Paddy" shouted
Bridget, as she tugged at the rope.
''1'll give her enough, now" quoth
Paddy, and he emptied the bottle.
Up went the heels of the COW, down
her head. over went Bridget and half g
dozen 'childers, and away dashed the in,
furiated bovine down the street. to the
terror of all the mothers and the delight
of the dogs. Poor Paddy stood for q
moment breathless with astonishment
and then, clapping his hands upon his
hips, looked sorrowful, and exclaimed:
''Be jabbers, Bridget, but isn't tn
Protestant strong in her-the baste!
A NICE QUESTION OF TAs1E.-Jeuele,
I-"What kind of a chain wou1d vo1,