Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-02-06
BREVITIES.

WHAT Is the most dl1lcult ascent? Get
ting up a subscription.
CINCINNATI has fined man $50 and
costs for selling diluted milk
DANBURY has three men who can hold
a woman's jaw. They are dentists.
WHY are religious people fit subjects
for entomologists? Because they are in.
sects.
BUFFALO now wants tunnel under the
lake where gale can't affect its water
supply.
RABBITS are five cents each in Kansas.
with a downward tendency after being
cooked.
A LITTLE Danbury girl told a visitor
that her grandmother chewed tobacco
with her nose
A BOsToN paper announces that the
Massachusetts Legislative debating So
clety" had gone home.
JOE CoBURN has secured a position in
Brooklyn drug store, with view to
pounding mace, probably.
{" NOT a scent" is part of the descrip.
ton of new deoderizing agent. Per
haps that states it's value.
east INDIA shutfus nuts" said to be
a sure cure for dyspepsia, are a novelty
with metropolitan frultefers.
WHEN Philadelphia gets to laugh
ing heartily, his family physician is
called, and he is given Quinine.
The man who can't afford to take a
newspaper paid three dollars for another
dog, Saturday .-Danbu1y Neacs.
KENTUCKY has decided that stealing a
dog is wrong-very wrong, sir, but that
there is no law to convict the thief
''SHE sings her trills through her nose,
said an auditor at concert eyes !"
said his friend, "they are nos-trils."
"PA, what can do here in the country
unless you get me riding habit ?" "Get
into the habit of walking, my dear"
A WoBURN (Mass.) woman has called at
the post office twice a day for twelve
years for letter that does not come.
A DANBURY youth carries one of his
girls teeth as fond remembrancer
jaw.
ENGLAND has built steel steamboat
ninety feet long, and drawing only twelve
inches of water, for one of the rivers of
Brazil
THE curiosity of Maine lady was so
great that she called on woman who
was down with the small pox, Gust to see
how it looked
UNDER the heading of ''Happy
Thoughts" the Petersburg (Va.) Appeal
says that more sickness prevails in that
city than for many years past.
A LEWISTON (Me.) reporter seeing
some boys skating on thin ice, went and
got all their names and ages, so as to save
time when they got drowned.
THE Cincinnati Commercial speaks of a
prominent individual who ''got" his edu-
cation in bank in this town kept by
the well known Mrs Pharoah'
THE Masons have now taken hold of
the work of completing the Washington
monument, and the funds begin to accu-
mulate with most encouraging rapidity.
EVERY woman thinks her husband the
worst in the world until she compares
notes with other women, When she comes
to the conclusion that hers is the best
A MAN with fifteen daughters and
twelve sons, is figuring as to whether it
will be cheaper to mix up an arsenic stew
or use kerosene for kindling- wood in his
house.
THE Indians of the Skohowish (Ore-
gon) Reservation lately sent to the mills
two bOOms of logs containing $50, 900
feet" which they had cut and tloated
out themselves.
A MAN in Leavenworth, while digging
a WELL at the depth of twenty-five feet,
struck a vein of coal. Three wagon loads
cents per bushel.
AN old fellow in Richmond, Va, re-
joices in living alongside of the Poor
House burying ground, never having had
before so many neighbors who minded
their own business.
A PARTY of foreign noblemen are COM
ing over to this side next spring to hunt
the buffalo, pursue the Colorado potato
bug to its lair, and beard the Omaha cock
roach in his den.
THE higher up we git the more we are
watChed-the rooster on the top Ov the
church steeple is ov more Importance,
altho' he is thin, than two roosters in a
barn-yard.- Josh Billings
A MIDLAND man, after gazing long and
attentively at the telegraph, amused by
stander with the remark: 'Tve noticed
that thing often, an burned if l shouldn't
like to see it work"
MAN in Virginia City has no music
in his soul except when asleep. Then he
sings Crock Mesto Sleep, Mother" SHORES
an interlude, and starts off again on "Old
Dog Tray, or other classic melody.
A FIRE originated In the kitchen of 705
Pine street last evening about 7 o'clock.
1t caught from the stove, and rapidly
making its way through the dining room
and hallway issued from the front door,
where it was first discovered. 1t was on
the end of cigar. Damage ten CENTS
st. Louis Republican.
THE Titusville Press says: zone of our
city cOnfectioners wishes us to inform
his Juvenile patrons that he can not give
thirty days time ON five cents worth Of
chewing gum, but he will take first mort
gage On skates and hand-sleds from par
ties whose parents are on substantial
basis"
BECAUSE in the wedding procession of
the Emperor of China there were two
black, two white, six yellow, six red, two
blue, aud two embroidered yellow UNI
brelas, the New York Worlds absurd
punster concludes that his Ma jesty was
preparing for long reign.
INGRowING NAILs.-Some people are
much troubled with the edges of the nail
of toe cutting into the flesh The cause
is, pressure on the nail, which is strong
and round, SO that the edges are driven
directly downwards. Take a bit of
broken window glass and scrape the arch
of the nail till it is so thin and weak that
it cannot resist the pressure, and as
natural consequence it will hatten and
become wider.-Eachanqe,
A MAN down in Delaware, who has
hpen eoiOvinu tho chiIie and fovar for