Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1873-04-15

troublc-l had no training.
GRAND SERMONS TRIED on.
Then | tried TO get up sermon in
style made three grand divisions, land
then suo divided each grand division
Into three SUD divisions. and so had from
firstly To lwellthly TO speak about
/ broke into the first Grand Division and
could 30 no farther. Then broke down,
Said |, Let Us pray" Alter offering
prayer, up and went at il again, but
lett my Grand Divisions and haven't
picked EN- up since Whenever get
stuck in the middle OF sermon &C,
down and pray, and tho Lord alway
clears up tho middle.
HOW TO sQUELCu A BUSYDoDY.
once had man in my church who
was meddleSome. Finally told my
congregation u story. when | used TO
drive stage" says |, land they used to
ask me to let 'em get on the box, used
10 sly Yes, only don't take the reins : u
The meddlesome man took" had no
more trouble IRON him,
NOW hb ouKEn a DRlNAING SINNER.
There was rumscller in my church
once aud he was his own best customer.
In our meeting he always used to say,
80! am a great sinner" Nobody dis.
puic, YOU said to him once in this
mcclGg,
tine day hc had ten gallon keg oi
ucw rum. and went down to his shop
and found him drunk shook him up,
aidl SAYS "li you III stop drinking, I'll
bay every bit OF new rum you've got and
pay YOU for it. that was the time when
ncN rum was worth 80 cents per gallon.
"l.'s II trade, says he,
80 . hruusht It out into the floor. open
cd The buns, and let the rum run on the
floor. lie WAS just kueeIng down to
pray, and, hearing tie liquor splitting,
GpeGrd his drowsy eyes. and hiccOughed
, out: Don't waste it; don't waste it; :"
Those were the first words OF his prayer
let ii go" said l.
But I a,nt heeu moasurod, " said ho
"GueSs 1T Is then. and be sure and call
it enough, and I'll pay Tor H." returned |.
Then | rolled the kcg into the street
an knocked in The head with an AK.
I'VE must get the rum out before We
can get the gospel in sail
This. remember, was practice Maine
law, before Maine law was thought of,
Ii yoU will believe it, The man never
drank another drop Of liquor. and became
"a good member OF the church
COMFORT TO piscoRp,Nr rsArAusrs.
At one camp meeting there was Il sing
ing master present, but | couldn't get
him 10 lead the singing, sa ,hp people
wen, .. il themselves One was sharp,
another flat 0ne sang one tune, anolh-
CT - different tune. and The uQi,e wa4 su
terrible, | said, 'aing the la,t verse, ii
yuU please When the noise subsidized.
! told them it was blessed thought, we
could all get in one key and join in one
tune. when we got TO Heaven.
IEroRT.
WAS in the Christian Comm,sslo4 III
the aruiy, ann N"s ooly msulted once,
and that by IN old surgeon, and when he
came and asked me saucily where came
from, replied: Prom MaiGu, where |
became wsii "cauaiplcd with man who
minded his own business. lie was ever
my good friend afterwards.
MINISTERIAL GOSSIP.
have had many pleasant hours in
ministerial associations. One minister
said 10 me once that WAS like rickcty
cart. wheel, which whipped out ard killed
4 snake Hl ,hg ,n~d.,uo and then whipt
, In again. | replied, That was better
than rolling so regular rs not to Kill any
SNAKES at all.
i bnptl3t btother said TO me once
You Methadists have too much ma
chnery.'
"Woll." replied, "5ut it don't take so
much water to run ours as il does yours. -
once knew Il terribly dull preacher,
he was always late TO PhWyaa. One day
he yrsSehad nOm The text, Feed my
: lambs" lie talked an hour and a quar-
ter When he closed, | got up and said !
"ln order TO raise lambs well, | have al
wa,s ihapgAt three things we've ueces.
sary: TO feed iA season, n little AT a
! time, and give il to 'em warm"
A CAMP. MEETING INCIDENT
Al Camp.meeting once, TIE Presiding
Elder requested me 10 pass around aud
speak TO the people paiSoaaiIy. | came
q u vegdant rustic and asked him if he
did not desire to become y christian.
With voice agI;Lie all over the audi.
snye, he replied: live tried il once
afore, and went back. but now I'm de-
termiued 10 90 the whole hog!7 The
Presiding Elders eyes twinkled merriy
through his fingels, which unsuccessfully
tried to cover his face, and have seen
congregations more DEVOTIONAL. But the
yust,c game out all right
TWO HpNpREp AND THRTY.FoUR CAMP
MEETINGS.
| have attended two hundred and
thirty. four camp'meetings, all remark
III. :,a,o.,;oo Lo,,n ,.,,noesol ,,,o,,,.