The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-01-25
VARIETY.

Is it to be inferred because man wears fur
hat that he has iur-tile head?
Motto for grocers-Honest tea is the best
policy
Bow-LrGoEp.-An out West man is so bow
legged that his tailor is Obliged to n circular
saw in cutting out his pantalOons.
a new-made husband says: a. IL isn't half so
hard to gee married it is 20 get the furniture"
Many oshers have found out the same thing.
Walker, Michigan, is sunk in the deepest grief.
A barn burned down, and owing To the scarcity of
water the people were Obliged waste forty
barrels OF cider in extinguIshIng the flames.
HIS GREAT SORROW. Young lady, And so
Adam very happy. Now you tell me
what great sorrow came over him. ?" Scholar
" Please, Miss, he got wiie.''
MADE A FoErrSE.-An amateur Journalist of
indianapolis has made fortune by his pen. HIS
fafher-in-law died OF grief. alter reading one Of
his editorials, and left him Sl3O,OOO.
The Emperor or China has just married three
women at the same time. Upon learning this
intelligence, X, who detests his wife's family,
exclaimed - All the unfortunate wretch 1t
IL nothing to take three but think of three
InOthers-Iu-ltw ="
BUT OSE-The Boston GLIDE has a yery de-
based idea Of Cheyenne. IL Gays But one man
has died at Cheyenne with his bOOts Of since the
town sprOuted. and he had them in his teeth, and
was crawling Our Of a bei-rOOm window, when an
ayengins pistol ball let daylight shine through
him
LOOKING AKoUND.-An Italian sleight-oFhand
performer lately swallowed couple OF pieces of
stone, weighing two three ounces, showing
how easily he could throw them up again. Now
his friends looking around for a larger stone
to mark his resting lace.
The B0rroN or Ir.-A young drug clerk COM
mitted suicide IN Bristol, few days ago. At the
inquest, the coroner asked f-llOw-clerk of the
deceased n be knew Of any cause for tie suicide
No, was the reply; - he getting along
very nicely, and was going 20 be married next
month. =. Going To be married next month,
was he?'' exclaimed the coroner. - That will do
We've got At the bottom Of that business"
They had the happy compOsiiOr in Easton,
Penn, a short time since. \ congregation of the
place lost Its clergyman, and IL became the happy
cOmpOsitOTs duty to put in a tribute To his many
virtues. In this tribute was the sentence: " As
friend after friend deTarts. we should reflect that
every man has Position in the grave" and the
happy cDmpOsitOr gave it thus - As fraud after
fraud departs, We should repeat that heavy men
love Potations OF gravy The congregation is
now broken up. Ii is broken up into scouting
parties, and the parties after the happy com
pOstOr. They might well look for a needle in
hay-stack, however. The happy compositor is
sub, >" and i TO be found after the paper
upon which be has made his mark is issued. We
have looked for him Of times, feryently be-
Geying that he ought 10 be killed; and every time
it transPired that he had gone away.
A man charged by his wife to bring home
her bonnet Saturday night, but he became 50 I'M
bued with liquor that ne fell on the street and
bursted the cover Of the band box, and the hat
rolled out ON the walk. lie grabbed for il at
once, also did playful dog, and for while it
was difficult TO determine which would get the !
hat. They finally divided it, the man going one |
way with the strings and few straws, and the |
dog another with the balance. When he got |
home, he extended his share of the victory TO the
wretched woman, and bust forth in unfegned /
admiration - It the gOldarndest dog to 4
(hic) hold on I saw, Maria, (hic) and If |
hadn't bin perfectly sober (hic) ne d had the ,
hull (hic) the hull on it..
The Weldon N. C.) Nelrs says: 4 most mar /
velOus feat Of eating, and one that seems almost 4
incredible. bat which Is yOuched for by dozen .
Witnesses occurred recently. One Tom Weaver I
colOTed a rather sm III man, and seemingly of or |
dInary eating capacities, induced TO eat a /
good - square meal - at Noah Hicks, some other |
party agreeing To pay seyenty-ive cents for as
much as he could eat.-The following amount of /
eatables were actually deyOured By him, and
upon a wager, will be eaten again at any time,
hour and half being occupied in the ardu-
Gus duty: 24 pounds Of ham, 2 pounds Of
sausa se, 1 pound Of butter, 50 biscuits 2I cups
Of coffee. pound of rUast meat. 81 dozen eggs, |
quart OF oysters, and taxing six drinks Of whisky
and quart Of cider in the meantime, and i'm
mediately afterwards eating an ordinary snack
obtained elsewhere.