New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-04-18
A Boon to journalism.

CORRESPONDENT of the Louisville To"r11'-
.Lurnai describes wonderful invention he
has just perfected:
have invented machine Tor the pur'
nose OF reducing the number OF exchange
lends now in existence. As many of your
exchanges know, exchange tiends are per-
soma OF great perseverance, who continually
drop into the room where the exchanges OF
r. newspaper office are kept, aud "re5ue
with them under the pretense OF eedrchlnS
for the Daily San Francisco Crusher, or the
Waco Weekly BullwhacKer. or some other
sheet that they offer 10 swear they can
ind AT the news stands. These persons. as
Il their presence alone we're not sufli-
niently narrowing, have way OF slttlng
for at least hall an hour at a
time. and rattlins the papers ip the
exchange basket i'll manner evidently IN
tended to exasperate and confuse every one
1T work within range Of the noise. ihey
do worse When one of them is informed
that the paper wanted is not to be had, he
invariably says. IAN old one will do just as
WE'LL" and his brow darkens with unmanly
ruspici0n when lie is told that the paper ne
wants has pos tiv'l been ear ed nut. Inc
person. also make tedious and unnecessary
explanations. consuming much Vajuaoie
time and wearing out the patience. Ihey
know everything that's disagreeaOIe, ana
Uracfics il prrsistentlv. All their faults, If
written OF here, would make this thing too
long.
The invention TO which refer is known
"a BorarluS Patent Irresistible COmDl-
nation Kicker. for the use OF Newspaper
Offices; and it is in every respect superior
to the buzzsaw now in use IN come OF the
Western newspaper establishments III
consists mainly of-trst, d large, strongly
constructed chair, in the bottom of which
are concealed numerous remarkable springs
of extraordinary power; second, an I'M
,nensc boot, made of a hard, unyleldlng
substance, and connected, beneath the moor,
with the chair: third, a plumber OF strong
rods and things connecting the wh"ic WIN
the steam engines of the establishment.
The boot and chair are also connected with
q powerful hook, which ID concealed III the
ceiling.
As the unsuspecting exchange fiend APP
DrOaCheS he is requested to be seated III tne
chair, which is placed close to the basket IN
which the exchanges are kept. just as ne
settles in the seat and reaches LOT an e&'
change a member OF the editorial stan sud-
denly Jerks a convenient mob; the wonder
full springs OF the char begin to toss the
6end in the most extraordinary manner;
q portion of the floor slides away, and the
immense boot swings into view, making
kind of crushing noise, as though the build
ing we're falling. In a few seconds more
the remarkable springs, true to t1elr task,
throw the astOnished tiend into position
which makes him face the door. The cen
eealed hook then drops from the ceiling
and sei2es him by the coat collar. and then
the boot, with the rapidity OF lightning IS
put where it will do the most good.
When the boot has gone rapidly back
and forth for about half a minute the ma
chinery is stopped, the shattered fiend Is
lowered 20 a liter and carried out. and Tor
six weeks no languishss under the impress
sion that he has been assaulted from be.
hind by the tutelary demon of the press. or
some equally sxasperated monster too hid.
eOus to describe. He never returns 20 tho
exchange basket.
The patent irresistible kicker is very Of
rectiye. and has been known to shatter one
OF Dr. Harding's celebrated interviewing
cushions at one blow. anticipate great
demand tor il as soon AS its merits become
known. Tine specification OF this patent IL
Che spring work of the chair, with the con-
Meeting boot.