The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-05-09

vial, preposterous, delightful individu-
ais. So, again, a great proportion of
the disturbances made by very juvenile
personages may be set down as utterly
insincere. A loud quarrel is the only
means the light, insignificant creatures
have of making themselves of any So
cial Importance. They want notice, so
they brawl for it. For similar reasons,
we unhesitatingly strike out of the cat
egory of useful quarrelling all the
habitual perfunctory excitements of a
class of mean-minded persons who
quarrel in turn with everybody, system
atically, of prearranged design. In
their case, it means simply periodical
self-inhation it is their way, like the
children, of commanding the publicity
they can secure in no other fashion.
Some of these ridiculous individuals
have positively developed bastard art
of quarrelling, which they practice as
other simpletons do dram-drinking.
What they really aim at in quarrelling
is a pompous reconciliation, for the eff
fecting of which they have-a cumbrous
apparatus of mutual friends, letters of
explanation, and absurd forms of semi
retraction. The right method of treat
the qualification Of disagreement the
point of skill being to do that without
agreeing with them either. Doing
neither the one nor the other places
them in state of bewilderment, their
wits not being equal to the understand
ingof anable, utterly Indifferent neutral
ity. The improving, perfecting quar-
rels we have spoken of are grave, I'M
planned, surprising difficulties arising
between sensible people, against the
wish of both parties, and which, at one
stage, fatally jeopardizes all prospects.
If these persons, be they either friends,
lovers, or husband and wife, come safe
ly out of one of these acknowledgements,
either having fully cleared it up, or en-
tirely satisfied one another that it must
always remain more or less unexplain-
ed, but that, although both are to
blame in some degree, each still is true,
there is nothing that so enriches subse-
quent life. In every noble instance, a
gentle, mysterious falling short of full
explanations may have advantages of
its own over a blank and bald clearing
up. Room is given for trust and mag
nanimity, for admiration and thankful
ness Chambers Journal.
How a Married Man Sews on a Button.
1t is bad enough to see bachelor
sew on button, but he is the embodi-
ment of grace alongside married man.
Necessity has compelled experience nj
the case of the former, but the latter
has depended upon some one else for
this service, and, fortunately for the
sake of society, it is rarely he is obliged
to resort to the needle himself. Some
times the patient wife scalds her right
hand, or runs a silver under the nail of
the index finger of that hand, and it is
then the man clutches the needle around
the neck, and, forgetting to tie a knot
in the thread, commences to put on the
button. 1t is always in the morning,
and from five to twenty minutes after
this he is expected to be down street.
He lays the button exactly on the site
of its predecessor, and pushes the nee
die through one eye, and carefully
draws the thread after, leaving about
three inches of it sticking up for lee
way. He says to himself: "Well, if
women don't have the easiest time /
ever see." Then he comes back the
other way, and gets the needle through
the cloth easy enough, and lays himself
out to find the eye, but in spite of a
great deal of patient jobbing the needle
point persists in bucking against the
solid parts of the button, and finally,
when he loses patience, his fingers
catch the thread, and that three inches
he has left to hold the button slips
through the eye in twinkling, and the
button rolls leisurely across the floor
He picks it up without single remark,
out of respect for his children, and
makes another attempt to fasten it.
This time when coming back with the
needle he keeps both the thread and
button from slipping by covering them
with his thumb, and it is out of regard
for that part of him that he feels around
fer the eye In very careful and judi
. cious manner, but eventually as the
search becomes more and more hope
less, he falls to jabbing about in a loose
and savage manner, and it is Just then
the needle finds the opening, and comes
up through the button and part way
through his thumb with celebrity that
no human ingenuity can guard against.
Then he lays down the things with a
few familiar quotations, and presses the
injured hand between his knees, and
then holds it under the other arm, and
finally jams it into his mouth, and all
the while he prances and calls upon
heaven and earth to witness that there
has never been anything like it since
the world was created, and bowls, and
whistles, and means and sobs. After a
while he Gains down, and puts on his
pants, and fastens them together with
a stick, and goes to his business a
changed man.-Danbury NetU8