Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1873-08-28
Humorous.

NATURAL SI1PPEHs5-Ee1S
CHEEKY "swE11s"- -Mumps.
NET PRoFTTs-A fisherman's.
WHEN does a man feel girlish ? When
he makes his maiden speech.
WHY is an overworked horse like an
umbrella ? Because it is used up.
DoN'r worry your neighbor's cats.
Respect, by ali means. his felines.
JOSH BILLINGS says that red herring
will keep man dry better than an UNI
brella.
WHEN a girl falls in love with an un-
lucky Irishman her heart always goes
pity-Pat.
stIM going to draw this beau into
knot" lady said, when standing at the
hymeneal altar.
WHY is ta1kative young man like a
young pig? Because, if he lives, he is
likely to become great bore.
A LADY correspondent wants to know
why, since the invention of needle-guns,
women can't fight as well as men.
WHY do people talk about the idle
wind? It is almost always active, and,
like cheerful farmer, whistles as it
works.
FRESH DANBERRIEs.
[From the Danbury News.l
If there is room for one more in that
balloon of the Graahic's. there is
young man in Danbury who can fill it.
He lives opposite us and plays an ac-
Gordon. He might object to running
the risk, but he could be stunned by
blow on the head, and got into the bal
loon before he recovered.
WE saw. a man who was crossing
White street, yesterday, pick up lump
of coal and put it in his pocket.
'Therc," we said to ourself, :" is truly
economical man. He is not afraid to
save. He realizes that penny saved is
a penny earned, and he will profit by
it." Then he stepped into saloon to
! get drink, and we moved on.
| A NORTH MAIN STREET gentleman saw
his boy in front of the house throwing
ball in the air, last evening. He
hadn't played ball himself for thirty
years, and knew nothing of the kind of
ball baseball clubs have introduced in
the last few years, but he felt the old
spirit rising in him at the memory of
former triumphs, and he held up his
hands and told his son to '1et her slide.
She slid. He caught it full and fair,
and then dropped it, and started into
the house, with his eyes full of tears,
and his hands pressed under his arms.
The youth subsequently informed an
other boy that he could plainly hear the
cold mans" bones snap.
A DANBURY man of statistical turn
can tell how many stalks of oats there
are'i in the average acre. He has count
ed the hairs on his children's heads, and
has the number pasted in their hats.
He keeps company waiting while he
demonstrates the number of tendons
there were in the animal from which
came the steak, and will stop people in
the street when they are in hurry and
hold them until he explains how many
threads form the garment which they
, may have on. People at first were
struck with admiration for the brain thai
man carries with him, but now they
wish he would die.
: THE pastor of the Slawson church
r sends us the following item: The
church, as will be remembered, is hold
ing a series of revival meetings, which
: are largely attended. Prominent among
the speakers is Rev. Mr.. Chaffee, o
Illinois. Last Faiday evening the build
4 ing was crowded, and Mr.. Chaffee wal
S considerably animated. He was sitting
S in chair at the front, his wonderful,
t long legs crossed, and his voice sending
. forth volume of song. The upper leg
t was swinging majestically, the motion
s increasing as the singing advanced
i They had just reached that part of tn
o HYMN where it says, "Then can safel,
n reach my home, my God, my heaven
y my all, - and Mr.. Chaffee was doing hi
n level best, and had just got out "Thel
o 1 can safely reach my home" when tn
), oscillating limb came suddenly in con
# tact with miserable dog that had il
4; some way got into the house, and sen
IS it flying and bowling under one of tn
n benches. Of course Mr.. Chaffee wa
l. surprised, but when little woma
n popped up in the galleay and shook a
o ominous looking umbrella at him, an
h cried in voice of passion, "You kic
r that dog again, you Illinoy giraffe, an
If you won't safely reach your home, b
J. was more than astonished- was fairl
macadamized. He subsequently tol
e our informant that "he never befor
Is was so completely f1abergasted, SO thol
n oughly eireumbobolated." whatever tbs
means.