South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-09-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

to a false rumor like one who has conf !
dence 10 all that is told him i? Because he
relies on all that he hears.
EgWMEN is fire like bad husband ?
When it goes out at night.
EEAN unpopular ism with everybody
The rheumatism.
EyWHY is young lady like bill of
exchange? Because she ought to be settled
when she arrives at maturity.
sara BARBER and surgeon don't differ
much. One lives by his heads the other
by his heals.
ES IT is related that an Irishman once
visited New Hampshire, and after having
inspected the numerous hills and mountain
ranges, exclaimed, EBedad / niver was in
u country before where they had SO much
land they had to stack it,
~ PRETTY bad under foot to-day
said one citizen to another, as they met Oh
the street. Eyes, but it's fine overhead,
responded the other. True enough, said the
first, 'but then very few are going that way.
ES IT takes twenty -four hours to make
one day, but good dose of physic will
make one weak.
Hd5.A MAN who fell into vat Of boil
ing lard and got out live, says it was not
an unpleasant sensation after the first mo-
ment, but he thought what mighty queer
shaped doughnut he'd make.
s@-IT does rot follow that man dis
likes his bed because he turns his back up
on it.
APARTMENT TO LET "A traveller with
carpet bag in hand, rushed out of the City
Hotel, city of Kingston, the other day, and
pulling open the door of passing omnibus
put his head in and inquired of a passenger:
'All full inside "
An honest German replied
Il don't know, mister, how desc odder
gcntlemens arc, but could shust take tree,
four more glass lager myself
ESrAN old Dutch tavern keeper had his
third wife, and being asked his views of
matrimopy, replied, We'll den, you see, de
first time marries for love-dat wash goot'';
den | marries for peuty, dat wash good too,
apout as goot as dc first ; but dis time /
marries for money, and dis is peter as BOTH
Old Cooncy took practical view of things
Eg-A CERTAIN political speaker closed
an address in behalf of his party with the
following peroratiOn; Build worm fence
around winters supply of summer wea.
thcr skim the clouds from the sky with
teaspoon catch thunderbolt in bladder;
break hurricane to harness; ground sluice
on earthquake; lasso an avalanche pin q
hive all the stars in a nail keg hang the
ocean on grape vine to dry put the sky
TO soak 10 gourd unbuckle the belly
band of eternity, and paste TO Let on the
sun and moon but never, sir-never for a
moment, sir-deludc yourself with the idea
that any ticket or party can beat our can
didates'
FIT FRIEND of ours says that he has
been without money 80 long that his head
aches ready to split when he tries to re-
collect how gold dollar looks. He says
the notion that I'VE live in world of
change is a fallaoy.
EEL DECLARE, mother, said q pretty
little girl, in pretty little way, Otis too
bad! You always send me to bed when l
am not sleepy; and you always make me
get up when | am sleepy y
Eg Mrs. SARAH BRIGGs (wbo is perus.
ing the South Branch Lntcliyence,)-
'Sakos alive, | wouldn't no more name
child ELIAS than nothin' in the world =
They're aPys cuttin' up some caper Here's
Alias Thompson, Alias Williams, Alias the
Night-IIawk, all been took up for stealth.
Mary Jane, don't yo never name none O.
yer children ALIAS
E1- M1sTREss-'A days holiday, Jane !
what for? JANE-'Well, thought you'd
think it rather soon but, please mum, my
young man as | spoke Of to you-perhaps
you remember-is a-going to take me to
Grinnige again, and I'm a-going to pop the
question this time
E6y'Tms is a story from California. If
told Of any other country in the world,
we'd doubt it. a fine bay horse was found
suspended one morning recently from a
chorry-trec by the neck ard dead. lie had
been left bitched to branch Of the tree,
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