The Volcano lubricator. (Volcano, W. Va.) 1871-1879, 1873-12-16
NO.. 28


did he walk ont to that farm, and find
her there, milked every time, and four
teen times did he drive her back. Ma
ria, in the meantime, had taken up her
quarters regularly at his house, and
she had a good healthy appetite.
Discouraged and disheartened on
the fifteenth day; he sought brother
in-law who lived in the same village.
"1s there no way, Filkins, Of keep
ing that blasted cow in pasture lot?"
F'ilkins fixed him with his eye, and
answered.:
James Peter Parkinson, I will let
YOU into 4 secret, though ought not
to. The old lady, is probably, the
meanest. closest, most penurious, par
somonious, stinGicst, scraping, grind
ing, yellow faced old female miser that
ever lived. would like TO say some
thing disagrceable about her, but re-
spect for my wife restrains me. 1t is
customary in these parts for the moth
er Of bride, if she be farmeress, to
give her daughter COW; but bless
your, our mother-in-la would as soon
think Of selling her soul as to part
with the hair Of one. That COW is the
son.in law COW. 1t is an educated
COW. The old lady trained that COW
to come home every night. She gave
it first to Smith, who married Elem
the eldest. and on the strength Of the
gift, boarded Hannah at his house.
Tones, who married Hannah, had it
next, and on The strength Of it, Susan,
my wife, got a summer with him
Then had her, and Mary Jane, your
wifi, was quartcred on me. Now you
have her, and Maria IS at your house.
Her husband will have her, and then
Hattie's husband. 1t is long-l:ved
COW, and will will probably run thro'
the entire family. The COW, you will
observe, is MIXED regularly by the old
lady, while you pasture her. She
can't be kept any more than quicksil-
YER can be held. You will (as your
predecessors have done) give it up,
and the old lady will have her till her
next daughter is married, and her hus-
band will go through the same farce.
She thus observes the custom, gets
credit for liberality with us, and saves
expenses at the same time,
Then James Peter Parkinson swore
a mighty oath.
"The husbands Of Iaria and Hattie
shall not be blighted as I have been.-
They shall! be spared that COW. will
90 now and kill her. | will sell the
hide, horns, and tallow, and divide the
beef among four injured men,"
Then up spoke F lkins:
"How long have you had herr"
"This is the fifteenth day."
81 thought so. You won't find her.
That COW is educated, rs | said. The
old lady knows how long patience en-
durcs. Fourteen days she goes home,
just before the evening milking time
the ancient scourge has figured (:
down, that an average man would be
apt 10 go for that COW with an axe on
the fifteenth. Therefore, that super
naturally intelligent COW gets away on
the fifteenth day, at about ten in tn.
morning. You will not find her,
James Peter"
1t was true, the COW had gone. And
James Peter Parkinson, with Maria on
his hands. the girl having good ap
petite, is buying milk and butter.
Is there 4 man who can successfully
cope with a mother-in-law James
Peter Parkinson vows that the hus-
band Of Maria, when Maria comes to
have 4 husband, shall be informed of
the COW, and that the COW shall be kill
ed the moment Amos reaches the pas
turc with it. lie VOWS 10 circumvent
the miserlv mo;hcr-in law, and the
diaboically intelligent COW, if he de-
votes an entire Lille 10 it. But he will
not-no man ever did.
SO there will be gloom in the house,
coldncsS at his heart, and blight on
his life. 1t is sad.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY.
AS an Illustration Of the widespread