American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-05-31
Reside.
BY MAX ADELER.

There can be no doubt that ReeSlde had
genius, but it was of an impracticable
Kind. When l knew him he devoted all
his time and labor to invention, and he
constantly was turning out amazing ma
chimes which never did anything when
they were turned out.
Down at the Patent-office they got so at
last that when a new model and speclfica-
tons would come along from Reside, the
Commissioner and clerks would grant him
a patent on the spot, for they knew from
rich and generous experience, that when
ly certain to be unlike any other cOntri-
vance ever conceived by the mind of fallen
man; and they were aware, at any rate,
that nobody who was sane enough to be at
large would ever want to interfere with
Resides exclusive right to pin together
such a bewildering and useless lot of
cranks and axles and wheels. l think Rec
side had about two hundred patents of
various kinds; and besides the machines
and lodges thus protected by the law, he
owned scores of others which were never
heard of in Washington or anywhere else
but Resides home.
They were always getting him into trOu-
Bile. That burglar annihilator' of his,
for instance, filled him with gloom and re-
morse for years. Several houses in his
neighborhood had been robbed, and Rec
side make up his mind to checkmate any
attempt to rifle his residence. So he bought
half dozen old musket-barrels and a few
sections of gas-pipe, and rugged them up
inside of his front door, with the muZzles
pointing toward the street. Then he load
ed the affair with ball cartridge, and in
vented some kind of a mysterious secret
trigger, which was fixed to the door-knob,
so that whoever tried to enter would meet
with certain death. He set the 'annihila-
x...l.N Il al
he forgot exactly how the secret trigger
was arranged, so he was afraid to venture
near the machine, and the family were
compeHed to go out and in through the
kitchen.
The "annihilator'' remained there two
weeks, and during that time the house
was entered eight times by burglars, who
roamed recklessly through the chambers,
waxed fat in the pantry, held receptions
in the parlor, disported themselves gaily
upon the stairs, and had bacchanalian
revefs in the dining-room, without going
near the front door once. And when Rec
side had become nearly insane with fury at
these riotous festivities, his aunt called
one day, and making too bofstcrous
demonstration at the door-knob, touched
off the "annihilator,' and was carried up
stairs insensible, with four pounds of bull
lets in her venerable legs She walks vet
IL .
He never succeeded with these things
That patent roof of his was a bad failure
The shingles leaked, and SO he covered
them with concrete to the depth of three
or four inches. In winter time it was
elegant; but when the hot weather came,
the stuff softened, and the neighbors used
to stop to look at the thousands of long
black strings of tar which dripped from
the caves to the ground. And early in
the summer Reeside and his wife began
to be annoyed by the animated discus
sions of cats in the neighborhood. The
more he "shooed" them and flung his
boots at them, the more fierce and awful
were their yells. Night after night it
continued to grow more terrific, and day
after day Mr. Reside observed that
the mysterious caterwauling continued
through the daylight.
AT last, one moonlight night the uproar
became so outrageous that Reside arose
from his bed and determined to ascertain
precisely the cause of the disturbance. 1t
appeared 10 him that the noise came from
the top of the house. He went up to the
garnet and put his head out of the trap
door There he found one hundred and
ninety six cats stuck fast knee-deep in the
concrete. Some of them had been there
eleven days: and when they perceived
Reside, the whole one hundred and nine
ty-six doubled up their spines, rufiied their
back hair, brandished their tails and gave
one wild, unearthly scream, which shock
ed Reeside'S nerves so much that he
dropped the trap-door, and fell down the
ladder upon the head of Ny. Reside who,
courageous and devoted w1man that she
was, was Standing below dressed in
thing with "A frill on it, and armed with
palm-leaf fan and a bedslat, resolutely
determining that nothing should harm
Horatio while she was by.
Reeside had kind of a den" Of his
own in the garnet. He used TO shut him
self up in this for hours together, while he
perfected his inventions or conducted his