Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-09-03
miscellaneous.

Twi..s, like misfortanes never come
siWgly,
t,,n 4 ed. fee that weighs two hun
dred and fifty tons be properly calf d
q lighthouse.
Why is a solar eclipse like a woman
whipping her boy. Because It's hid.
ing OF the suM
What requires more philosophy tina"
taking things as they come? Parting
with them as they go.
. A man who wanted TO be minis
Ter said he believed he had been call
ell "to labor in the Lords barn-yard.
E,The little boy with his first cigar
and the truckman with his gentle |
mule both tried to back her and
couldn't.
"a morning paper speaks of "tlicv-
lug in the outskirts" which may be
Interpreted picking ladies' peck
: John Brougham says Pocahontss
invented the game OF poker. IL is
NtsStiNSttN Nuot Sthtt
called her OH q bluff.
A Boston woman wanted to clope.
but when her husband gave her
ey to go she changed her mind-i,
took all the Romance away.
@Typcs continue to cut up antics.
zen in well-regulatrd offices, we in
fer from sciug John Brown ANNOUNCE
ed as "a linsced preacher"
ETheodore Hook once said to a mar
st whose table a publisher got yer,
tipsey, ''you appear TO have cmpticd
your wilc cellar Into your buokscl-
ler."
"a faithful brother in a Fairfield.
Conn.,, church, recently prayed ioi
the absent members 'who were pros
trate on beds Of sickness and chairs
Of wellness."
Observation-Disclosures is a very
tough word for photographers 10 ge,
hold of OF the wires. A Sioux CITY
lightning-jerkcr wrote it out Cara.
DO S%pencer's Mcnagcrie."s
A Western paper tells us that a IA
voritc hotel is to be kept this season,
al one of the watering places "hy the
widow Of Mr.. -. who died las,
summer, on a new improved plan
Josh Billings gives the following
advice to young Don't be dis.
couragcd if yer mustash don't grow.
1t sumtimes hapens that where {:
mustash- duz the best. nothing elsf
dug so WE'LL"
All the subtle young humorists arc
not in America. a writer in the Pal
Mall Gazette says that 'sfcw persons
probably, "a a rule, sleep sounder o,
enjoy so much umdisturbco repose a,
night watchmcn."
ga young man from tho coumtr,
slapped a big copper cent under IT,,
nose or the stamp clerk at the Tro,
p~ost-oficc, the other day, saving: -
guess Ill take one Of them ere pas
torial cards, mlster!.'
The Minneapolis Tribune become.
serious, "Oakcs Ames' will reveals
$~5,745,254. And yet he died of dis
appointment and chngrin. IIappic,
ts honesty in a hickory shirt and a,
oilcloth cap than discrimination in /,
plug hat and a shirt that buttons be
hind"
Before the advent of railroads I,
h direction of Texas. says the Gal
weston News, beef cattle fattcd fol
market would command only Sc tt
$40 per head. Now. in the face Of
long drive of from five TO seven hun
Tired miles tn Wichita or Abilene. tn,
same class Of title bring from $40 t,
II on their native ranches.
rAn Irish gentleman of a mocha,
"a turn took Off his gas-mete
repair it himself, and put it o
again upside down. At the end {
the quarter it was proved with aritI
metical correctness that the gas con
pany owed him eight dollars all
tifty-seven cents.
A MAI in Whitehall kicked anothc
man and was arrested for so dom.
When brought before ajustice of til
peace, he. Informed his Honor III;
The man lie had kicked was a ligh,
ning-rod man. The justice at ono
discharged HIM with the remark
"The man who wouldn't kick n ligh'
mng-rod man wherever he finds on'
is unfit to enjoy the liberties fC
which Washington fought and Tho
Paine wrote" That Justice had pal
five hundred dollars for ligLtnin;
rods on his house last spring.
Prentice milford thus writes
his experience at the Vienna Exp,
c0ss ss0f nvycco r 1r
couldn't find the 'Ausgang.' Til
III German means git OUT place.
must have walked seven miles
that maze of building before Il
'Ausgang' presented itself. l knc
that it would come sooner or late
I knew that if l simply stood st
the 'Ausgang' would ono rou.
where l stood. ! think about ii
hundred other people we're similar
lost, for they kept coming up to \
guagcs where the 'Ausgang' was.
said to them, Il am simply & fell0'
worm of the dust like yoursclvt
day, or last week, Or maybe last yer
! managed with a great deal of dill
Guilty to get i'll here, and I've be
"1hdCA iue aiOtiI CScI IlC ny J
to get OUT Some said, 'Yaw,' a
some said So"
A LAYMAN's GHACE.-A YOU
married friend tells n good joke
himself pcrpetra,cd by n little thru
year old ''pridc Of the family S
is the only pledge Of love that b
twincd itself around the heart q
affections Of himself and wife.
few evenings since q minister visit
the family and remained until aft
tea. AT the table the reverend vi
tor asked the blessing, and the lit
one opened her eyes TO the fullest c
tent in startling wondermcnt. S
could not understand what had be
done, and it was with great pcrsuai
that her mother could keep her gu
during the time they were n. I
table. When they left it, she walk
up to the minister, for whom she Il
formed n great friendship. and 81
"What did you say at the table beft
We commenced cnting?' My lit
darling, | thanked God for his go'
LBS in giving us to eat, so that
might grow aud be strong" Spa
dol say that" "What docs W
papa say?" "Papa says, ct
lemi.hty. what a suprer!"
A New Weapon.
A man &yos ;ub;ctc6 tlo ofhaf. q