The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1873-07-04
Ca4oh.np z Tartar.

Rosin grows here in barrels. It's
q cheap pIBce to @rosin the bow.
| A female rosiEed her besu here last
Friday. She threw hunk Of it at
him, it struck on the chin and injur-
ed his spine, and now when he
laughs he reminds one Of black Fri
day.
Some of the fellows who live in
the woods are so thin they have to
lean against tree to swallow; they
are yeIlower than blind mans buf,
and so internal lazy they keep tame
squirrels to shave 'em. They train
the squirrels to dip their tails into
soap-suds, lather them, and then
scratch the hair off with their claws
1 said there is plenty Of tar in North
Carolina, and so there is. 1 caught
q Tartar there myself. I saw a fel-
low who looked so green that if he
hadn't stirred Just when he did I'd
been tempted to pour oil and vine
gar on him and cut him up for salad.
He was whiting a stick.
Says 1: HalloO,
Says he: Hsllo0 yourself
Says 1 Boy, if hens lay eggs for
nothing, and those eggs sell for six
teen cents a dozen, what's the per
centage proit2
Says he: Mister, it would take q
prophet to tell, I reckon.
y Says I: That's so; what are you
making?
Says he: It's a whistle out Of will
Ter; and say mister, can you make
a whistle out Of bowl Of soup?
Says / No sir.
Says he: Well, then you amt
smart. I can.
Says I: Do you mean to tell me
that you can make whistle out ofa
bowl of soup2
Says he: Yes I can. That there
is whistle, amt it?
Says / Yes.
Says he: Well I didn't make it in
a bowl of soup, did I?
Says 1: No.
Says he: Well, then I made that
there whistle ont of bowl of soup,
didn't II
That made this northern gentle
man mad, and 1 started to leave,
when he yelled out: 1 say, Mister,
if you'd lived in the days of the ark,
you'd gone in through the window:
Says L: Why?
Says he: Because your so green
that the dove would have lit on YOU
first, sure.
/ left under the impression that
North Carolina boys are smart. Per
haps it's the turpentine that accounts
for it, for that will make folks smart.
/ saw touching picture yesterday.
1t was so touching l touched it. It
was a man in the woods sitting upon
a trunk under a large umbrella. He
was eating chewing gum, and his
trunk had more locks on it than the
Erie canal.
Says I What's the matter?
Says he: Pm a drummer.
Says I: How is trade?
Says he: Dull as thunder. There
amt any, and really believe that if
George Washington was alive and
had to sell goods on the road, he'd
have to lie or give it up.
Says /: The difference between
you and George is, that he was q
good man, and you are goods man.
But what are you doing here?
Says he: I'm bringing down the
average.
Then he told me that his boss al
lowed him so many dollars day for
travelling expenses, and that he'd
spent more than that, and he'd
camped out under an umbrella a
whole week to bring down the ave
rage. left him, and thought ofthe
old story of the boss who found fault
with his commercial traveller because
on looking over his expense account
buggy rides appeared so often. The
next time the expense was handed
in the boss says: All right, sir; Pm
glad to see you have no buggy rides
recorded this trip. Yes, replied the
fellow, they don't show, that's GER
tain; but the buggy rides are all
there.-RaJeigk ". c.. Correspond
eace ". z. Sun.