The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-11-15
VARIETY.

l..
\ citizen Of Rock county, Wis, is recorded as
saying: 50 can always tell water when see it,
II looks 40 much like GIN
\ merchant who has 4 class IN Sunday-echool
asked, Z" What ~ sOlitude?" and was visibly
disturbed when miserable boy answered, . The
store thar don't advertise
4 country boy, who went to Louisville for an
education, was asked by his teacher in geography
8. What is n strait? " and Mortified her by reply
ing, . 1t beats two pair.
\ New York lawyer made a telling point for
his client when he said that ne did not keep
gambling house within the meaning Of the stat
ute, because instead of men playing at n game Of
chance, they played at 90 dead sure thing
Mr.. W. p. Evans, on quitting the editorial
chair Of the Ida county (lowa) Pioneer, wrote
his valedictOry in two words - Good night -
Ills successor, Mr.. j. Vail, began with an equally
terse article consisting Of the expression, " Good
morning
professor of physiology, IN explaining to a
class of female students the theory according to
which the body is renewed every seven years,
says, - Thus, Miss B., in seven years you will,
in reality, be no longer Miss b. 81 really
hope / shant," demurely responded the young
lady, casting down her eyes
The gallant Texan always breaks bad news
-
To 4 house the other day, and the leader shouted
IL Smith imp Mrs. Smith appeared and an
swcrcd In the negative. 81 knew he wasn't, ="
replied the leader, riding off, 90 he's hanging to
blackjack over there"
WHO dares to spit tobacco juice on the car
hoor?'' savagely asked burly passenger on a
Rock Island train.
." dare" quietly replied n slender youth,
suiting the action to the word.
8 You're the chap I'm looking for said the
ruffan, - give me ehaw.'
..Oh, what beautiful creature, - was the
rlpturous exclamation of n young lady from the
city who was walking in the woods of Lenox
with an attendant, as they fell in with diminu-
tive specimen of the animal which is usually
avoided on account of his peculiar fragrance, and
she spread the folds of her garments over the
- beautiful creature There was the sound of
the spade by night some female attire went to
its burial 4 detected prisoner sat In an attic
rear room of Il fashionable mansion, and '' not at
home - was the reply when the door bell rang.
The BINGHAMToN SMALL BoY.-A youth of ten
wears, residing Mt Binghamton, played so long on
n recent afternoon that he did not get home until
supper was over, and consequently was told that
he could have nothing to eat. Casting one look
behind, he started for the door, at the same time
remarking, - Mother, I'm going to die, and when
I'm dead want the doctor to cut me open and
look at nv stomach" The mother, greatly
alarmed, inquired what he meant, when he re-
piled, - want them to know that died of star
yatiOn.'' \ ." stay of proceedings was ordered,
and the boy turned from his evil intentions to
the supper table.
\ correspondent says: =. have recently heard
two stories about Israelites, which l know will
he amusing and which | hope will be new to
your readers. The first IS of Sir Moses Monte
fore When negotiating n loan on the Bourse,
ON which he was very keen, n small lot Of capi-
talists approached him. 'Oh, DEAR says one,
he's going to swallow us all No, nv dear
SIR said Sir Moses, with caustic smile, my
religion forbids me that The second is of a
German jew, who eating n pork-chop in n
thunder storm. On hearing an unusually loud
clap, he laid down his knife and fork and Obsery-
ed, Veil, did any poty eier hear such fuss
about a liddle pid of pork
\ VALIANT WoNAS.-A Keokuk (Ia.) lady
while engaged in the pursuit of her domestic
duties, encountered q mouse In the -four barrel.
Now most ladies under similar circumstances
would have uttered few feminine shrieks and
then sought safety in the garnet. But this one
POSSESSES more than the ordinary degree of female
courage She summoned the hired man and told
him TO get the shotgun, call the bulldog, and
station himself ut a convenient distance. Then
she climbed half way up stairs and commenced
to punch the -four barrel vigorously with a pole
Presently the mouse made its appearance and
started across the floor The bulldog at once
went in pursuit The man fred, and the dog
dropped dead The lady tainted and fell down
the stairs. and the hired man, thinking that she
was killed, and fearing that he would be arrested
for murder. left, and has not been seen since.
The mouse escaped
\ Georgia paper, the Atlanta Herald, advises
4 man who has & 900 to establish hennery
near that city, and depicts his glorious prospect
thus, afording a most remarkable instance OF
counting ones chickens before they are even laid
With So 900 he can purchase 900 good hens;
an additional $50 will buy him 100 cocks. Let
him then rent a good piece of grassy land near
the city, and expend $40 in fitting up chicken
coops, nests and fencings. If he can then with
the balance of his money purchase cheap horse
and wagon, he is ready for business. His hens
will furnish him, at a low estimate, GOO eggs
day the year round, though, for certain purposes,
let us say fifty dozen per day He can secure
steady sale for them at an average of seventeen
cents per dozen, or $3.50 per day, or, in round
figures, 900 a year. The food of these fowls
may be literally put at $3.50 per annum, and
with the little garden patch, which should be
cultivated, the cow, that should be carefully at
tended to, the man and his family could easily
live on 81 900 year. Putting his rent at $500
cash per annum, one would have profits of
rba