Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1873-06-24
H U M @ R o U S
Discovering the Thief.

greatest tsmiddlc man and interrogation
known in the profession. Nick used to tell,
with.great merriment. an incident of his bow
hood. To preserve the favor Of the relation,
we will record it in Nick's own language.
and only regret that we cannot accompany it
with his inimitatle gesticnlation.
''My old man." said Nick, ..as a general
thing. was "a pretty steady old gent, but once
in while he would get oblvious, and water
was not the cause of it. 1 recollect certain
holiday was approaching, and I had been
skinning around to get little money to have
"a time with on that day. But the fates and
purses were against me. 1t was but two DAYS
prior to the anticipated holiday, and hadn't
nary red: Remember this, boys, when
Il add that On the same afternoon I came into
the house, when 10! there on the floor, to-
tally overcome by his libatinns, lay my re-
<speeted daddy, aud beside him lay six shin.
ing half dollars which had rolled from his
spocket: Boys, I've been an honest man all
my life. hut-once when a boy committed
theft. hooked one of those half dollars. -
Thinks to myself the old mans been on a
ijamberee, and won't know how much he's
spent, and will never miss it. But mark
you, the next morning, I and my two broth-
ers were summoned into our fathers presence.
The old mans face lowered. 7 thought of
the half dollar, and knew that a storm was
brewing. =.
Boys" said he, "last night when I came
home had six half dollars. One of ems
gone. Your mother didn't take it. There's
been no one else in the house. Which one
of you took it 2'
We all protested our innocence
Boys" said the old man, "tha. half dol
lar never walked, and I'm going to find out
which one of you took it,"
Turning around, he took down FROM the
wall on old fiint-lock b!nndcrbuss This he
deliberately loaded with powder and buck
shot in our presence then fastening it upon
the table cooked it. took scat behind it,
holding'the string in his hand, and in solemn
tones addressed us tlusly:
boys, I'm going to discover the thief and
punish him at the same time. You must
each of you blow into the muzzle of the gun.
When the guilty one blows off goes his head.
Now, then. you have chance will YOU own
up. or blow .un?"
''Ben," said the old man to ny oldest bro.
'ther, have you got that half dolar?"
''No, sir.
'sTake blow
Ben did SO in safety.
Mick" ieh, boys, tell you tho chills be-
gan to crawl down my back,) ''got that half
dollar ?"
, mo, SIR" said l. with defiant swagger,
elbow in that gun"
walked up bravely, gave blow, and
lodged -.
"Nick," said the old man, in voice of
thunder. "where's that half dollar 2"
He had me. The truth lodged out of me.
Said 7, ''Out in the barn, pap"
Pretty DRuNK-Joe w. was over drunk
but once. and that time he was drunk as a
fool L.
very pious woman, was very much shocked
when one night he staggered home under the
influence of liquor. After demonstrating
with him about tho folly of drinking, she
said:
''Joc, when we were married, and became
one, little thought should ever see YOU in
this condition"
Who can imaginc the devoted wife's
thoughts when joe made her the following
reply:
Well, Mary, dear (hic), know I am
pretty drunk (hic); that's fact. But Mary,
as we (hic] were made one by marriage, then
thic) you must be pretty drunk, too, (hic)"
GOING To DIE.-..Got any medicine p,
asked boyienseriDg Pittsburgh drug store,
the other day
Yes, lQtsspd gobs of it; what kind do you
wan.?, inquired the clerk.
ooh it. don't matter, so its pretty lively. |
Dads dreadful bad"
"What ais him ~ asked the clerk.
Dunno, but he's run down awful. He lust
sits around the stove all day and mopes and
he hasn't wolfoped mother since Christmas -
1 guess he 1s'g6ing to pass in his checks"
-"Did you present your account to the
defendent" inquired lawyer of his client.
.'T did, SIR
''And what did he say?
.He told me, to 90 to the devil ~
And what did you do then ?''
why, chen [ came to you"
-.You;J awge Washington tell Abraham
Slnkum. to bring William Seward in out O. de
wet, or III tar you in two. Dat blessed chile
might ketch his death O. cold for all YOU law
niggers I'D keer"
In debating society in Delewaro, the
last question up for discussion was "Should
young man quit his music lesson to split
wood, when his mother is at home in robust
health !"s .'.s-T
- hats the use, in these DAYS. Of try
ing to be honesty exclaimed grumblcr.-
~, you ought to try it once, and see," re-
torted one Of his companions
- Denver has new hotel with bullet
proof walls. You can st in perfect security
and listen to the shooting in the next room.
- Melancholy Suicide-a Young lady, on
being asked by her lover if she'd be his and
his only, hung-her head.
- Bonnie seated beside his sweetheart fab.
1ng-"Annie, wish [ was a fish and Won
was bait. Lordee, how I'd bite"
= What's the difference between a sailor
and beer drnker2 One puts his sail nm and
the other puts his ale down
Can gentleman who sees a lady home
under an umbrella be FLY designated as a
rain beau2
Advice to mothers-A switch in time