The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-05
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES


town in Vermont contains an item OF three doi'
lars for taking paupers to menaserie'
The first returns are favorable to George Fran
els Trains insanity. Ex-Surgeon General ham
mond, high authority in such matters, votes that
way,
A Pittsburgh brides dowry lately consisted Of
two barres. of cool, which her father thinks
ought TO secure her reception by the ton any
where.
She will treat her husband codl-diy.
A Chicago Alderman made a speech half an
hour long in support of the question OF keeping
open beer shops on Sunday. whisky" SAID the
great man, is thing which can be kept over
from Saturday till Monday, but larger peer
cannot"
We doubt whether whisky, in any small guam
tity, say gallon, could be kept over for the same
length of time, when placed before the average
Chicago Aldermen.
Lunalilo, king of the Sandwich Islands, and
successful rival of Becmus, is on his way to THIS
country. B. will meet him in Chicago and
"shakG hands over the bloody chasm."-Ld Safe
Press
The editor of the La Sale Press had better re-
fran from abusing us, in this reckless manner
We may be compelled to make bloody chasm"
of his frontispiece. If we can't do the job, well
turn it over to Lunalilo, who is an adept in
making "bloody chasms."
Some of the innocent people up in Kendall
county need guardian. They are being taken
in and done for" in this way, as mentioned by
the Yorkyille Record: "Peddler. go about the
county selling 'non-explosive lamp powder
1t is nothing but common salt, nicely colorcd,
and ret2ils at 80 cents per package"
4 scene to make angels weep was that in the
United States Senate Monday, when lack Chand-
Ter, OF Michigan, who had been on ten days
drunk, got up to offer number Of petitions for
the prohibition Of the sale Of intoxicating liquors
in the District of Columbia.-EI
lack knows how it is himself. He would do
to accompany temperance lecturer The lee
turist could talk, and lack would be just the
party to set the frghtful example.
They have become so low and bold in the steal
ing business up at Joliet that they steal pigs
right out from under the walls Of the peni-
Tertiary
The last Joliet Republican is short on locals |
and thin on editorials, dapologises accordingly.
The "local" Mr. Nattnger, is dancing a jig with |
ague, and the editors are at Springfield, watch
ing the so.calcd "penitentiary steal'-the only
steal being an effort on the part of said editors to
get the present managers out and steal IN them
selves
An Alabama paper speaks Of its local reporter
as "a young man Of genius and impecuniosity,
who eats when he can get chance, and wears
clothes on Sunday" i
The question is, how did lie get the clothes? q
The St Louis Republican puts it this way: An
English jury brought in the following verdict In n
Il criminal case: Guilty with some little doubt o
as to whether he is the man. The Poland COM p
mttees verdict was: Not guilty, though there ,
IS no doubt these were the men, b
Next to life insur ance agents, book agents are
the least popular in some localities, as is proved
y the following: :.
mlddleaged man, stranger, was pitched II
Ipon by a ruilian while crossing Essex street K
bridge, Saturday, and after being pretty well
was flung over the bridge. His cries
brought out the neighbors, but a rumOr sudden u
Y arising that the victim was book agent the b
william effected his escape. When the bleeding q
tangcr learned what he had been taken for he
Drofanely regretted he hadn't struck his head o
when he went over the bridge, and fractured his
skull. |,
The following is vouched for by the editor Of {
he ST. Louis Times, who is regular attendant
at Sunday School and manager Of moral theatre a
On Sunday nights: Aht F# 4
Mrs. Fisher, Of ST. Louis has a babe which is
six months old, and weighs one hundred pounds, p
paper in that city informs us that the maternal o
Fisher has rugged up steam spanker capable Il
of giving sixty taps minute, Of thirty pounds II
to the square inch, and sings him 70 sleep o
through ti;eman's trumpet G.
The New York Sun observes that Grants in
terpositon in behalf Of the PROSTATE Colfax bears
o striking resemblance to the aid and comfort ;,
rendered to the mon overtaken in liquor and
lying helpless in the gutter by friend suffering
under the same infection. "Ican't help you up h
said the latter, but III come and lie down he. Il
side yOu" ..... .aH G
Grant may be considered fnisher" in the
" withdrawing" business. lie saw that the coat r
put upon Colfax's character by the investigating
committees was "too thin" and the letter refer "
red to above was the finishing coat. As a "boss Ii
wLitewashist," Grant is 4 success V
Female deception received a severe check the &
other day when twenty thousand dollars worth e
of cOrsets were seized al the New York custom
house while being Struggled through. The gov
eminent is right in levyng tax Oh artificial ap.
planes for squeczing-E1,
This is correct. There is but one means by i
which a woman should be squeezed and that one
is Of considerable antiquity We dispise new
ngled notion about it. We object to any limo.
yations on natures patent. Theyare wrong and
should be put down. |
Romantic Indian maidens have such poeticU
names The last one, and she is dead now,
doubtless near relative Of Hiawatha, was Bully
Mule
There are some white mandens, and not few
who are not maidens now, who could ill the bin |
Of all the requisites emitting them to the above
name.
An ingenious editor in Indiana, who was evil
IDENTITY intended for u scientific man, Is branc h.
ing out in business, which, when perfected,
will pay him far better than running a country /,
newspaper and trusting out his entire subscrip.
ton list and taking pay in pumkins for job
work:
We are engaged now in deccloping a scheme
FOR growing kid gloves upon the original animal.
Our friend Darwin teaches Us that you can do
almost anything with breeds by judicious "selec.