The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-09-19
VARIETIES.

IT is surprising how quickly men who
dislike red hair will fall in love with a
red heiress.
F. HANNAPoRD & Co, subscription
book publishers, have matured plan OF sell
ing books that enables their agents to com
money. See advertisement.
AN editor says that the only reason he
knows of why his house was not blown
away the other day, during severe
gale. was because there was a heavy
mortgage upon it.
VEN some mans slaps me on der
shoulder, und says: {" vas glad to
hear YOU vas so vel" und den sticks be-
hind my back his fingers to his nose, L
hef my opinion of dat weller.
THAT was an unhappy editor who
wrote that "White pique costumes are
now popular" and was gravely Informed
by the proof next morning that "whlte
pine coffins are not popular.
THIS is from the Augusta (Ga.) Chro"-
icle: delinquent subscribers should
not permit tnelf dau8nters 10 "e'i 'i'ia
paper for hustle. There is so much
due on it. there is danger of taking
cold"
AN old woman in Maine crossed over
a bridge that was marked dangerous,
without seeing the sign. On being IN
formed of the fact on the other side she
turned about in great alarm and re-
crossed it.
THERE was desire on the part of the
teacher to make scholar understand
what conscience is. She said: "What
makes you feel bad after you have done
wrong?" "My papa" said the youth,
feelingly.
DIGsIrIED CLERK: care you going
to marry yourself?" Facetious Pat
lander: ",Arrah, now, whin did lver ye
hear tell of a gintleman marrying HIM
self? Sure there's lady goin to be
married along wild me.
"Now, JOHN, suppose there was
load Of hay on one side of the river and
a iackass on the other, and no bridge,
and the rivers too wide to swim, how
can the jackass get to the hay? Il
give it up" ..Well, that's just what
the other jackass did.
A RETIRED sea-captain, who had made
the tour of continental Europe and the
Holy Land, was asked how he was I'M
pressed by his visit to Jerusalem.
Jerusalem" said he, "is the meanost
place 1 ever visited There is not a
drop of liquor in the whole town fit to
drink
An express company that runs from
the Mississippi westward, In the con-
r act printed on its receipt, disclaims
responsibility as carrier " for any loss
or damage by fire, the net of God, In
dams, or any other public enemies OF
the Government"
I "A OCNDAl-SChoOlI oSiAoAohy
wears old, was asked by his teacher
"Why they took Stephen outside OF the
city to stone him to death?" The little
fellow was silent for moment, as though
absorbed with the problem, when,
Frightening up suddenly, he replied
$50 they could get better crack al
him"
HERE is what hard hearted bachelor
thinks of the tender passion:
think that love is like a play,
where tears and smiles are blended;
Or like faithless April day,
whose shine with shower is ended;
Like Coldhrook pavement, rather rough;
Like trade, exposed to losses:
And like Highland plaid all stuff,
And very full of crosses.
WHEN Nicholas Biddle, familiarly
called CID Nick Biddle, was connected
with the United States Bank, there was
an old negro named Harry who used tc
be loafing around the premises. Ont
day, in social mood, Biddle said to th'
darkey: "Well, what is your name
nv old friend?' Harry, sir, oil
Harry" said the other, touching hi
seedy hat. "Old Harry" said Biddle
"why, that is the name they give to th'
devil, is it not ?" "Yes, sir" said thu
colored gentleman, sometimes oil
Harry, and sometimes old Nick"