American citizen., 1873-08-09
Miscellany.
Single Blessedness.

MY wife has gone away for the summer
and left me in full charge of the house
like it; hav'nt had such run of liberty
since we were married. l hope she's hav
ing a good time, for l can now exercise
my rights as the head of the family
Can't do it when she's at home; she'll not
stand it. She has rules, and makes every.
body about her toe the mark. But I've
got her now, and am having things my
own way.
This morning 1 came home quite early
1t was two a.. m. I'd been to the club and
got caught out in the rain. For half an
hour couldn't find the key-hole, which
must have got mislaid l felt for il every
where, and even got down into the yard
and|eKamined every brick, but couldn't
find it. l was in the act of calling one OF
my neighbors, and asking him who had
carried off my front door, when happened
to find it and got into the house.
In the dark kicked over spittoon,
but luckily didn't get any of the tobacco
juice on my boots. l hung my overcoat
and umbrella on a prong of the chandelier,
let them drip on the parlor carpet, went
upstairs and turned in with my boots on.
I thought it wasn't worth while to pull
them off, as / would have to get up in
eight or ten hours anyhow. If my wife
had been at home she'd have had me
/ would have lost that amount of rest,
which my system so much needed. Be
sides, she'd have made me give full ac-
count of myself, which don't like to do.
I never did believe in praising myself
It's better to let others speak of ones
virtues. I can now wear shirt a week
and it's nobody's business. l don't see
how 1 ever did get along with that woman.
The idea of having to put on a
H.. nv,1
brush up my clothes every morning, is
simply ridiculous. 1t is a miracle to me
now ever did it and attend to my other
affairs. 1 now read the morning paper
without being forced to see an impatient
woman standing with her dress in one
hand, looking very miserable, and finally
telling me she is going down town and
wants that paper; Any one, to look at the
house now, would know there's no women
about, everything is so quiet and comfort
able and handy. If l want to do little
figuring don't have TO hunt up pencil,
or pen and ink, but just sit down to one
of the tables and do it with my finger,
and there's nobody to be eternally WELD
ing dusting brush around my head and
telling me to get out of the way until the
house is cleaned up. These are consider
ations that every married man should pom
der over. But when we do ponder and
resolve, what good does it do? That's
the question that is now agitating the
American people. What good does it do?
Not bit. If these women can't have
everything just their own way, they swoon
off into Mysteries. As a consequence, we
have to pay fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay in the house all day, tanning them,
and promising in the end that 1--WE may
be happy yet" before they show any dis
position to compromise. Our wives are
petted too much. And this reminds me
that mine won't yield to any other treat
ment- l undertook to prescribe a more
stringent remedy for her one day, but it
threw her into a fit more like Jim jams
than anything l knew Of She broke every
plate in the house over my head, and then
/ had to kiss her before she would prom
ise not to do it again. That's what makes
me say she is set in her ways.
There, too, are the piano and guitar,
which she kept going from morning until
midnight, filling the whole neighborhood
with the discordant sounds which she
called music. Both are as mute as the
bird-cage which was vacated last week by
a strategic movement of the cat
The two hundred pots of flowers she left |
me to cultivate don't think will produce |
much of crop. They're nearly all ripe |
now, and there's no sign of a flower yet |
l have watered them twice since she left, |
but it did no good. l reckon they miss |
her, and are pining away because she
amt here. In this respect they do not
resemble me to any alarming extent.
Our kitchen never looked better. The |
stove and pipe have assumed beautiful |
red tint, and the pots are bringing forth a |
fine crop of withholding vegetable mold, |
which l haven't learned the name Of but |
she'll know it when she comes. The |
& rs don't look quite as bright and clean |
ss iiIcy might, but the flies are bad this |
year, and if | were to wash them every /
two weeks they wouldn't present a respec-
table appearance
Notice to the Editor-PIease suppress
that article l sent you about my ''Spell of
Single Blessedness." The old woman has |
got back.