Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-11-15
The Family Almanac.

There are very few men who do not re-
member, or cannot recall, the importance
the almanac enjoyed in his boyhood's
home. | remember it used to hang by Il
string to the kitchen wall /; and the MEM
Der of the family who took it down for
reference was required to hang it up again
when through with it. 1t was generally
medical almanac, with yellow cover
and very bright-looking cover it was
that winter; but by the next winter the
corners of the cover were rolled up, or
gone, and there were conveniences for tell
ing pretty accurately how many flies had
enjoyed its retirement. Over the leaf was
the picture of a man clothed i'm the fantas-
tic garb ofa South Sea Islander, with a
trap-dOOr in his abdomen. and cockroach-
es and scales and other appliances of the
grocery business around him. Then
there was the calendar where the weather
was handled, and where drrlnken-lOoking
moons, and improbable suns, and highly
impossible tides were to go through per-
formances that were intensely edifying to
the family. Interspersed were grammati-
cally-constructed letters from ungrammat-
ical people located in unheard-of towns
in the distant West, who had been raised
from the grave by pills, or drawn from
eternity by plasters, and having been re-
stored to perfect health, and having no
further need of either, send on and order
ton of both. Also Endorsements from
well-knOwn physicians in unknown local
tiles, the whole set off with recipes for
making puddings that no one should eat,
and cake that no one would dare to. And
when recipe for either was hedged in by
the details of fever-sOre on one side, and
the graphic particulars ofa hemorrhage on
the other. the symmetry of the whole was
undeniable. When j was boy lived
one winter with an uncle and an aunt, and
they did not keep their almanac hung up.
Aunt never cared to look at an almanac
anyway, so my uncle took care of it. He
kept it i'm a drawer where he did his shay
ing apparatus, and odd hinges, and nails,
and screws. and weasel skin for cramps,
and coverless novel. and two equally de-
crepit song-books. That drawer was a
museum. 1t was the family drawer, and
the receptacle of everything handy.
don't really believe either my aunt OF un-
Gle .or the kitchen stove had ever been in
that drawer; but about everything else
had. There was a hank of black thread in
among the contents, or, 10 be more exact,
| the contents were in among that thread,
and when anything was taken out, that
thread had to be consulted. Sometimes
the drawer would come all the way out,
and very unexpectedly, and nearly bury
my uncle in the contents. He was not q
profane man, and so he did not swear
He merely observed thatit was sealed
book TO him why woman never had any
system, and then left me to pick up the
things, and continue the argument. He
had three or four years almanacs in The
drawer. and when he went TO consult
about the weather. he was just as likely
to pore over three-year-old almanac a'
the current number. Not that it mad'
any particular difference, only there wa
always something especially instructive Il
me to see him looking over the wrong
almanac. and deducing facts that appearei
to be of great comfort to him. But then
you have had just such experiences your
self, and there is no need of dwelling upol
them. .-Danbury Almaaac.