Richland beacon., 1873-06-28
COrding a Bedstead.

1t is little singular why your wife's
mother will persist in sleeping on cord
bcdstead. But she does. You don't
think so much of this until you are called
upon to put it up, which event generally
takes place in the evening. The bed
stead has been cleaned in the afternoon.
and having been soaked through with hot
water, is now ready for putting up. Your
wife holds the lamp and takes charge OF
the conversation. The rope has been UNI
der water several times in the course OF
the cleaning, and having swollen TO a
diameter greater than the HOES in the rails.
has also got into fit of cOiling up into
mysterious aud very intricate forms. You
at first wonder at this, but pretty soon
wonder ceases to be a virtue, and then
you scold. The thread which has been
wound around the end of the rope to IA
ciltate its introduction in the holes has
come off. and YOU have to roll it up again.
Then, after you have pulled it through
eight holes, your wife makes the discovery
that you have started wrong. The way
that rope comes out of those holes again
makes your wife get closer TO the door.
Then you try again, and get it tangled In
your legs. BY this time you notice that
this is the smallest bedroom in the house,
and you call the attention of your wife to
the fact by observing: "Why on earth
don't you open the door! Do you want
to smother me?' She opens the door, and
you start again, and she helps you with
the lamp. First she puts it on the wrong
side of the rail, then she moves it so the
heat comes up the chimney and scOrches
your nose. Just as you need it the most
you loose sight of it entirely, and turning
around find her examining the wall to see
how that man has put on the whitewash.
This excites you and brings out the per-
spiration in great profusiOn. and you de-
clare you will kick the Dedstead out of
doors if she doesn't come around with
that light. Then she comes around.
Finally the cord is laid all right, and you
proceed to execute the very delicate job of
tightening it. The lower ropes are first
walked over. This is done by stepping on
the first one and sinking it down. hanging
to the head-board with the clutch of death.
Then you step with the other foot on the
next line, spring that down, lose your
balance, grab for the head-bOard, miss it.,
and come down in heap. This is re-
peated more or less times across the length
of the bed, the only variety being the
new places you bruise. The top cords
are frightened In another way, and you
now proceed to that. You first put one
foot on each rail, which spreads you some,
and as you do il the frightful thought
strikes you that If one of those feet should
slip over, nothing on earth would prevent
you from being split through to the chin.
Then you pull up the first rope until your
eyes seem to be on the point of rolling
out Of their sockets, and the blood in your
veins fairly grOans, and on being con-
WINGED that you can't pull it any further
without crippling yourself, you catch hold
of the next rope and draw that up, and
grunt. Then you move along to the next,
and pull that up, and grunt again. just
as you have got to the middle, and COM
mence to think that you are about through
even if your joints will never again set
as they did before, you some way or other
miss the connection, and find that you
have got to go back and do it all over.
Here you pause for a few minutes of Oracu-
lar refreshment, and then slowly and care
fully work your way back. You don't
jump down and walk back, because you
are afraid to spread out in that way again.
You sort of waddle back, working the
way inch by inch, and with cOnsummate
patience. A man thus stretched across a
bedstead, never becomes so excited as to
lose his presence of mind. 1t would be
instant death if he did. Then he goes over
it again, waddling and pulling, grooming
ndgrunting, while his wife moves around
with the lamp, and tells him to take it
easy, and not scratch the bedstead any
more than he can help, and that she can't
tell which creaks the most. he or the bed
stead. And afer he gets through she has
the audacity to ask him to bring in the
feather beds. In the dsad of night that
man will steal up to that'roOm and look
at the bedstead, and swear.-Danbm-y
Ne.Ds.