, 1873-02-02
.EUMOR,

| Peace to his ashea."
Hartford 11mes.
! HUMoR..
Bic t1ansit-That acroBs the ocean.
Though pannbroAer's shop is crowded, it
is still loansoue place.
| -1lelancholy suicide--A little boy, on being
threstened with whipping, hung his head.
- a bumper at parting" as the drunken
man said when he ran up against tue post
= calico party-The agent Of a print works.
PUNCH defines woman as "a creature en-
| dowed with se1f-ornamental instinct"
! Soma blarsted" foreigner says: +" Gire
an American newspaper and = pis, and he will
make himself comfortable. anywhere"
in Montgomery, Ala, the other day, four
Young men d:a get upon spree; ono took ont
| three" eays sprightly reporter.
| The Atlantic is the only power on earth
| know that can make woman Indifferent to her
personal appearance.-C: D. Warner.
now now It Is psrfecty black" Al, yes you you
know she has lost her husband since thea
Why ere GOALS the most contradictory arti-
] cles known to commerce? Because, when pur-
chased, instead Of going to the buyer, they 80 to
] the cellar,
| Why is man searching for the philo.o-
piers stone like Neptune? Because he is
Soaking what never did exist.
| Young lady (who is tired Of his company:
"You amt bit nervous, are you, Mr. Poet: All
my gentleman acquaintencaa start when it
strikes twelve"
An applicant for pair of boota was asked
t. what number he wore, and replied, as soon aa he
] could recover from his surprise: "Why two, Of
cou1se!"
"A San Francisco widow keeps the skull OF
| her deceased husband in glass case sho onco
| remarked to & friend who was viewing the re-
mains ''Ales! how often have banged those
! bones with broomstick. I am sorry for it
now"
|. a woman in male attire was arrested in
Knoxville, Tenn, d fov nights since- 6ho gavo
Az an excuse that she could moro successfully
find her missing husband lncog., especially aa
ehe believed him to be pretty well soaked in cog
MAC.
| Cards and birthstone make the best matches,
Is the clergyman said when he married T. game
Rter to snrew.
In order to quiet the unaidens' fears OF their
constancy, the lovers in tho eastern part OF
Maine bind themselves BY promssory note as
follows "HAaPpEH, No, Sept. 10, 1S72.-Dea1
Mary: promise to marry you in six months
from A osnk hotel IS saa to be building on tna
Allegheny. The first order OF the Captain of
the craft will be, "Prepare to receive boa1der8-'
a few months ago famous Prussian Cen
eral WAS inspecting some military stables.
*sWhat do see there 2" he said, in tones OF
thunder, to Sergeant; "cobwebs?" Yes,
Sir" was the respectful reply;' 1--WE keep thoa,
there to catch the flies and prevent their teasing
the horses"
-" Nlargory, whnt did you do with the ta11ov
thz. M1. Jones creased his boots with to-day"
esse fed .hs g51a had eastaa easss T
-t'Do you think am fool7" yiolent man
asked the late Rev. Dr.. Bethune. Really" re-
Piled the Doctor II would not have ventured
the assertion, but now that you ask my opinion,
must say thst an not prepared to deny it.
Thin party Ito street urchin): Boy, what
do you suppose that dog is following me for7 7"
The younSster casts knowing LOOK at him, and
readily. replies: "Guesn no takes you for
bone!'
Philosophy Of the future: Moraliat-who
knows what tomorrow will bring forth? Posi-
tiyist-The day after.
That vas an unhappy editor who wrote that
was grayel5 informed BY the proof @oxt morning
that white pine cofins are not poplar
Some questions very naturally suggest them
selves to an iuquiring mind. an amateur farmer
wonders i" why, on all this f.ir earth, the
turned over with a plow before corn Gu ba
raised
"A malicious libel is going the rounds th.t
vegetation is 80 SCARCE at Cape Cod that two
mullen etalks and 4 whortleberry bush ia called
grove. The truth is that unless there are three
whortlebery buahes they never ti1ink Of saying
grove.
When Madame Recarnier was getting very
old, though she preserved her beauty nearly till
the end, she once said to friend who conrG-
mented her on the preservation OF hex charms:
Alas you cannot deceive me-. The chimney
sweeps don't tu1n their heads any more in tho
Streets"
.-"Mr. Jones'" said clergyman, on pastoral
visit, I don't sec you and Mrs Jones at church
On Sunday evenings" SWELL, no" replied Mr.
Jones; "my wife has to stay at home to take
care Of the children, and, as it comes rather h1tu
On her, I stay to keep her company" why,
how is that7 don't you keep any servantsf"
"oh, yes! we keep two; but they don't a1o"
uB any prlvilcges!"
A friend, visiting in minister's family,
where the parents wcra very strict in regard 70
the children's Sabbath department, Was conf.
"she would like to be minister" "Why r. in.
quired the viaitor, rather puzzled to understand
what had given the child so sudden an atlmirsr
ton for that calling. The visitor was quickly
| enlightened by the prompt reply: SO that
could holler on Sunday y!"-17dtional Baplist-
A young lady teacher in Lawrcnce Masa,
Sunday School, caught q boy smiling, last Sum
day. Said she, What are you smiling at, John,
ny?" Nothing. mum, :" WAS tho answer. -
tell me what it was" Johnny looked frightened
as he stutteringlysa said, "I-I-s-ses yer n-new6.
papers sticking out, num-" The teacher Bsa
] down suddenly and arranged things.
Tho following scene occurred in Eirgin1ss
between two men who Tere sitting by the stoTo
| in the 1eadinS-room Of certain saloon. "on,
] excuse me, sir" said one, ~ didn't mean 70
had received the charge Of saliva upon tho leB
Of his panta1oons. Sit makes no difference.
l"It don't, eli ?" said the spitst, "then III spt
on you again." aud he fired OF charge NO: =.
! This came near bringing about battle Ing
| man who had teen twice spit upon ezplaaneo
| that, although it maGo no difference about INC
| first spit, tho second might mako . I'D