The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-11-04
For the Bloomfield Times
FLEXIBLE'S SERENADE.


der heaven, but sadly deficient in energy,
self-reliance, and moral courage. He re-
quired strong will to lean upon, a daring
spirit to counterbalance the weakness of
his own. As in love, so in friendship, men
seek their opposites. Likes do not agree
together. Brutus and Cassus had q row.
You never see two fat men fraternize--
their monads" are antagonistic. A
streak of fat and streak of lean usually go
together. Friendship is like punch-it
must contain acid as well as saccharine
qualities; all of which goes to account for
the fact, that the mild and cautious Mr.
Paul Flexible selected for his .fdus Achale
the headlong and dogmatc Horace Fertile.
They were clerks together in the same
store they went into business on their
own account at the same time, though not
in partnership. Horace lent Paul his ad-
vice, and Paul endorsed Horace's paper
Flexible prospered in business better than
Fertile, for his native caution was safer
guide than the others rashness.
But Flexible always spoke of Fertile as
his "best friend" And it was his "best
friends" advice which led him to marry
Miss Melinda Agate, an elderly young
lady, with long straw colored curls, sharp
nose, and an independent property as we'll
as will of her own. Fertile rather regret
ted his counsel, when the honeymoon being
over, Mrs. Paul F. put an end to her hus-
bands smoking, the only "smal vice. he
had, and interdicted the use of tobacco to
all his friends and acquaintances. He at
tempted dining there once Or twice after
the "happy event." but cold mutton and
colder looks threw him back ON his bache-
lor dinners at Parker's. Still the friendship
continued, and in any dilemma Paul
always had recourse to his old crony, rath-
er than make confidant of his wife.
One night, not great while after the
happy event which made Flexible the most
miserable dog in existence he was awaken
ed about twelve o'clock by the crash of
military music in the street befores his
house-nay, under his very windows.
cot in the Silly night was played in a
very noisy manner by full band. Then
came a song and chorus with many ref
erences to "happy pair" "hearts and
destinies united" &c.
"They can't mean us p thought Paul,
with a sigh. There was pause-and
then the musicians, taking breath, poured
fort another strain. There was no mis-
take about it now-the Apollo band were
serenading Mr.. and Mrs. Flexible. Flexi-
BILE was preparing to spring out of bed
"What are you goin' to do now ?" asked
Mrs. Flexible.
Ask 'em in and give 'em something to
eat and drink" replied Flexible.
"Give 'em something to eat and drink p
calculated Mrs. f., snappishly. " They'd
eat and guzzle you out of the house and
home, if you'd let 'em. If you've got any
spunk, you'll call the watch and throw
pitcher of water ON 'em ~
"Mrs. F." replied the gentleman, with
some faint show of resolution, al think
know what the rites Of hospitality and the
usages of society demand. shall prepare
some refreshments for them"
Go to sleep, and don't make fool of
YOURSELF" retorted his better-half. "Or
ask 'em in if you please-they'll get moth
ing in this house-for everything's locked
up, and the keys are where you won't get
em in hurry"
With smothered groan, poor Paul
buried his head in the bed-clothes, that he
might shut out the dulcet sounds of the
wretched musicians. They played and
played-louder and louder-till their en-
ergies were nearly exhausted, and then
the instruments seemed dyingly to suppli-
cate admission and reward. 1t was all in
vain, however-Mrs. +. was inexorable.
The next day Paul narrated the whole
occurrence to Fertile, and begged that he
would apologize to the leader Of the band.
"Don't be afraid, my boy" said Fertile.
"I'll get you off-I'll save your reputation
let me alone for taking care of my
friends"
But what can you say to Mr.. Tooter ?"
"That's my lookout. Make yourself
perfectly easy. Yours till further notice.
By, by, Paul-love to Mrs. f."
In the course of a day or two, Fertile en-
countered Mr.. Tooter, the leader of the
Apollos.
"Tooter, my dear friend" said he,