davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

THE WEEKLY Sun Eight pages, Rfty-siS
columns. Only 81 90 year. No discounts from
this rate.
THE SEMI-WEEKLY SUN.-Same size as
Daily Sun. 50 90 year. a discount Of 20 per
cent TO clubs Of ] 0 or over.
THE DAILY SUN.--A large Gur-yage news
paper Of twenty-eight columns. Daily circula-
ton over 100, 600. All the news for 2 cents.
Subscription price 80 cents a month, or SC 90 a
year. To clubs Of 10 or over, a discount Of 20
per cent
Address, The Sum- New York City.
Nov. 81, ls73.-6t.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19
The Superior
MOVING NACHTNE

Nj ANUFACTCRED by T. sweeney 4 Co.,
w Wheeling, West Va, has been awarded
the first prize at the Vienna Exposition - Charles.
ton Courier.
WE have been telling the Farmers We had the
best Machine in the world 10 offer them, and
here IL the proof hat IL is 90.
Please let US have your orders for next sea-
son early.
KUYKENDALL & SHEETZ,
Romney, July IS, ls73. Agents.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

MY BOOKS WILL BE CLOSED TO
ALL EXCEPT THOSE WHO HAVE
BALANCES DUE THEM. Those de-
sirtng accommodation on short time, uiU
please apply at Ny Ne,o f1aco of business
Tile Old Arnlstrong Corner, opposite
the Court Housc-vhe Intend TO pursue
nly Turner style n business .Sho,t profls
for Cash and prompt time buyers. / do
not rant LoNG-wINDED customers. be-
cause don '0dm to charge them he enoy-
NOUS Preits required 10 sustain such Ltt-
siness, ,chich is not only ruinolts IN NE buv-
CT but 10 Me seiler, and I am fuly salts.
fed that year and haJ7s experience has
convinced my numerous friends as ,ceH as
myself that ME only safe poliry is ccsh or
stort credits. The unprecedented e.rtyara.
gaHces of me age, ,eouid, jflong time pere
e1teaded, eUenUoHy BANKRUPT he commu.
njty, Jut on ME Cash basis nee can orL,
Ire ,oid,iH oar income, and can thus yeou.
ate our expenses. IN my neo place of
business yop toiH fHd he stock horovqh
and complete, embracing eyeyy Thing usu.
ally JouHd IN a first class yiHoge Store !;
and 'eih Increased facilities IN me ran nj
more conmodious rooms, hope 10 merit a
continuance Of Turner liberal patronage.
A/ter The Stock Is closed ont on he Gibson
Corner intend 10 oPen mp nsv class If
Ju'iHess 'rhioh ,ciU be to me adrantoge NJ
ME entire community.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19
es- Mother, everbody's poor now ain

Mother, everbody's poor now, ain I
they ~ eyes, my son; there is a panic. -
well, said Willie, 'last summer you said
that every poor man had to work hard to paw
our President S25, 900 more n year; now, why
don't they tell him he can't have il this winter
because the poor men want 1t to buy bread for
their children 2"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

I's- happy misquotaton by young lady
whose gentleman caller stayed too late, caused
speedy good-by TIE clock struck twelve, aud
she remarked "Now lis the witching hour of
night when people yawn"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

Eo~ good lady, who, on the death of her
hrst husband, married his brother, has portrait
OF the former hanging in her dining-room. One
DAY visitor, remarking the painting, asked,
us that member of the family ?" Oh, that's
my poor brother in-law," was the ingenious
reply.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

Where are you going ?" said young gen.
ueman 10 an elderly one in a white cravat whom
lie overlook a few miles from Little Rock. "I
am going TO heaven, my son. | have been ON
the way eighteen years" "well, good-by, old
fellow, If you have been travelling toward heav.
en- eighteen years, and got no nearer to il than
Arkansas, I'll take another route"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

Gs-The Evansville Courier says that talfy
md popcorn parties are fashionable in that CT
y The people attend them singing in meliau-
Gus voices
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

GS-A good mother was trying to explain to
young hopeful the other day about fighting the
devil. After telling the little fellow who the de-
vii was, aud how hard he was 10 successfully re-
sis,, be turned around and said Mamma Id
be scared at the cid devil, but if was to come
across Of his little devils I'd knock the stuff
hng ont Of him.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

S-se> A man, referring to the sudden death of
relative was asked if he lived high. well,
can't say he did, said Terence, "but he died
high" Like the banks in these days, he was
suspended.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

a consequential young fop asked au aged
country sexton If the ringing of the bell did not
put him in mind of his latter end mo, sir"
replied the grim old grave-digger "but the rope
reminds me Of yours"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

ES-An lrishman who was found guilty of
stealing lot of coffee, was asked by the magis
tTate what he did with it-'Made tay with it,"
was the Hibernian's reply
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

-ES-A young man out in search of his faith.
er's lost pig, near Scranton, Pa, accosted an /
rishman along the road with, "Have YOU seen a
stray pig about here?' Faith" said Pat,
land how could ! tell stray pig from ano;h-
erP' That reminds us of the town ordinan &c
which provided that every other dog should
he killed. The difficulty is to distinguish the
other dogs
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

The panic never was designed
To make our pleasures less.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

A small lady, aged Eve, whose pa had no,
bought her the usual new clothes for Christmas
was heard to privately remark that she guessed
"a was holding on for rise in the rag market p.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

"A witty clergyman accosted by an old ac-
quNintance by the name of Cobb, replied az
don't know you, sir" "My name is Cobb, F."
rejoined the man, who was half seas over. "Ah.
sir" replied the clergyman, "you have so much
corn on you that did not see the cob
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

RS-Sir Walter SCOTS faithful servant Tom
SAID TO him one day, "Them are fine novels of
yours they are invaluable to me- When !
come home very tired, and take up one Of them,
NJ asleep directly"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

The following names are given as among
the successive pastors Of the Unitarian Church
in Baltimore Furness, Bellows, Sparks, Bla-
zup end Burnap.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

Mrs. Darlington rises every morning at the
earIil call Of the chandelier
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

3rf'-A gentle Quaker had two horses, yer,
good one, and one very poor. When seen rid
ing the latter, it turned ont that his better hal
had taken the good one. what" said a sheer
ing bachelor, Show comes it that you let you
wife ride the better horse The reply was
Friend, when thou art married, thee II know ,
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

1aT so witty compliment is rarely met with
rs mat OF Sydney Smiths to his friends Mrs.
Iighe and Mrs CUTIE: 'Ah, there you are -
the cuff that every one would like to wear, and
the tie that no one would loose"
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19

a Scorer SToRy Mr. Shirra, of kirkaldv
On one occasion went TO a member of his church
who had been elected an elder. but who decIin-
ed the honor, % be bad done on several occa-
sons previously. Mr. Shira said he would
serve his edict, and call him i'm Che church for
ordination The edct was duly served ON the
day appointed and the recusant called bv name.
The elder rose and said with carnostncss and So.
lemnity, that he was not suited for such an Of
Zee. Mr.. shirra stopped his mouth, saying. 49,
Come ava doun 60 youo ken that The Master
had ancc need O. on oss 2'
The late Rev Baron STOW Of Boston. said.
Sermons are like guns, long or short new or
old, bright or rusty, loaded or empty Some
shoot too high, some too low They teach Ne
muse or exasperate, according as they are man.
aged
IS WryEss THeEsor.--The Governor of wy
oming winds up bis Thanksgiving proclamation
DO this style give hanks unto the Lord, for
His mercy cndureth forever In witness whereof
have hereunto set my hand, and caused the
great seal Of the Territory to be affixed, &c"
szB-To have The best wife you must be the
hcs, husband
LIN her lecture on tbc Battle fof Money
70, Boston. Nrs Iivcrmcrc asked people 10 mako
note Of the fact hat Boston last year paid Sd
100 Coz soup for the poor and $1,000 Tor re-.
rcshmcnn for lhe city government
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05
that, therefore, his Highness with
draws his connfenanca from the yul-

that, therefore, his Highness with
draws his countenance from the vul
gar throng whose dreadful manners
he had volunteered to correct. The
Eceniag Pos; is inst enough of +:
mouliv vehicle of the shabby gen
teel in journalism to stand sponsor
to Curtis weak backed bantling o.
reform. The Post stands upon :
basis of those cast off relics and moth
eaten garments wherein the Knicker
bOckers of New York have so long
and SO ludicrousiy nasQueraded in
the name of the old noblesse ;
and of course its sympathies cluster
around whatever smacks of exclu-
siveness and aristocratical tenden.
cies.
It is in the heart of man to hate
and despise the mongrel of what
ever genus. Instinctively, the hu-
man mind reserves its sympathies
for that which is genuine. This is
the instinct which insures q never
failing respect for the thorough bred
and never-failing contempt for the
scrub. We can brook. even from
the stand point Of a true democrat,
the self assertions and peculiarities,
the glories and tho pomp, the pride
and hauteur of an undoubted aris-
tocracy AID if ever We would attain
to the conditions winch make an
a.istocracy respectable, let us not
deviate from democratical tenlen-
cies and precepts, the profession Of
which underlies our entire fabric of
government for it is in maintaining
what We are, with self-respect, that
We may hope to exact the respect of
others. The trails which lead to-
ward Mr.. Curtis scheme Of civil SER
vice reform, leading away from those
simpl precepts and pretensions.
must be avoided if We would not
bring this Government and these in
within range of that con-
tempt which is reserved for those
things that take rank amongst the
worthless handiwork of the servile
imitator.
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05
New England national banks hav-

NEW England national banks hav-
ing a surplus of capital amounting to
S25, 600. 900 more than their share,
that magnificent sum is to be with
drawn thence by order of the new
Secretary of the Treasury and trans
ferred to the crippled banks of Dixie.
Greenbacks is better thing across
which to shake hands than the
bloody chasm.
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05

| SOME items from the interminable
list of troubles which are forever in
state of ernption-like the seven
years itch-between the Mormons
and the Gentiles at Salt Lake, are
readably enumerated in Forbes En-
do,cment of the 31st ult, where. IN a
Geographic sketch" of George A.
Black, Secretary of the Territory,
some anecdotes Of Blacks pluck and
promptitude are followed by these
u rratives, to-wit:
\
This was when the Utah Legislature
came here in January, 1872, to hold its
Doth session. This sapient body had ad-
iourned from the preceding session to
meet in the City Hill, Salt Like, or
rather, establish that as the place of
meeting. On inquiry. the Secretary is
informed that the rent of the building
for forty days sitting would be one
thousand dollars, and all the rooms to
be c,rpeted by the Secretary, the carpets
to be the property Of the city at the end
of the session. This economical pgopo-
sition was rejected by the Secretary. who
had provided place of meeting in the
new Methodist Church, a. rental of
500 only. But to that the Sorghum
statesmen object, on the ground that the
Church building was not safe for their
health. Certificates were then obtained
from all the physicians in the city that
the Church building was nnexception-
able III a sanitary point of view. 1t was
commodions, well finished, finely vent
ilated, properly heated, and was every
way suitable for the object intended.
The testimony was too strong. Onr law
makers like the veteran of Echo Canyon, |
we're non-plussed. They went back TO
the City Hall and got no rent out of the
for it's use; and whether
they had carpets we don't know. Ger
tain is it, that few Of them know by eX-
perience the touch Of any floor more
pliable than the soft side of plank OF
cemented adobe. We think the carpet
ought to have been sent them, at least.
So ended the rent dispute.
Oace more, the game Is tried ON print
ing The Secretary has by law the rig I
to select printer to print the work of
the session, and he exercised his perogI-
tive. Thereupon the Legislature, con-
trary to law, selects printer from the
common family to do the work. Mr..
Black notified them, in writing. that he
would not be responsible for any expense |
incurred in printing, excelt as done to
his order. And he wasn't. He printed
the laws at less cost to the Government
than the same work had ever been done
before; and the Legislative printer is
doubtless waiting until he goes into Con-
gress for his pay. He may get it-and
he may not. At all events. Mr.. Black |
has acted faithfully, if not exactly to the |
pleasure of those who would justify
wrong-doing, if thereby they could reap |
the benefit themselves. We congratulate
our young friend on his success, and his
official rectitude.
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05

ALL ToGEIHE R.-Onr exchanges from
Salt Lake come in clusters. For i'll
stance. The New Endowment is not seen
since the Odd, and last nights mail bring
rs all the INTERN aliate numbers. We
don't want our mil in that style, nor
are we acquainted with anybody who
dons.-COriisae Repnrter.
The papers ere pro,nn'ly and recnlar-
~ pnt in the Post-offfice here. There
must be a screw loose along the line
somewhere.-Endorm
They are also lnmped for Carson.
We got three Entlo rnaenks yesterday
morning; and the last time before this
when any came. we got q like batch.
We guess they are sailed down with
the salt of Salt Lake.
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05

Forces broadly intimates that the
JieleNe is a print of the patent
bowels " persuasion, anu n cOmpila-
ton and fat take from certain stand-
ing galleys in Chicago.
Carson daily appeal. [volume] (Carson City, Nev.) 1873-1877, 1873-04-05

If the knaves of the other suites.
the 'piece" Commissioners who
are proving upon soldier, priest and
Indian could he effectively eucl,red
the game might result in a winning
for Uncle Sam.
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
Poor Rule That Don't Work both
Ways.

During the first year Of the war,
when change was scarce, and some of
the large merchants were issuing cur
rency of their own, a farmer went to
store in a neighboring town, bought
some goods and gave the merchant
five dollar bill, of which he wanted
seventy-fve cents back. The merchant
counted out the amount and handed it
over to the farmer. He looked at it a
moment and inquired: :.
What's this p
It's my currency" said the mer-
chant.
Wal, faint good for nothin' where
live" said the farmer.
Very well " replied the merchant,
keep it until you get dollars worth
and bring it to my store and | will give
you dollar bill for il"
The farmer pocketed the change and
departed. A few weeks after he went
into the same store and bought goods
to the amount of one dollar and after
paying over the identical seventy-fve
cents he took out handful of pump
kinseed, counted twenty-five of them,
and passed them over to the merchant.
Why" said the merchant, what
is this?"
T" Wal' says the farmer, " this is my
currency, and when you get dollars
worth, bring it to my place, and / will
give you dollar for il.
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
Does Advertising Pay.

Some of our merchants might learn
a useful lesson from a New England
man, whose experience is reported by
an exchange as follows: About eigh-
teen years ago Mr.. Malley appeared in
New Haven, and opened small seven
by nine dry goods store on the prin-
cipal street of that city. At that time
the heaviest merchants of the street
scarcely advertised in the local papers
to the extent of more than two squares
each, in the standing advertisements
for the season. Mr.. Malley, with a
degree of sagacity that no one else had
ever dared to evince, struck out boldly
in the advertising line, engaging .
column in each of the three local dai-
lies, with the privilege of changing the
same weekly, and having his advertise
ments the most readable part Of the
newspapers. For this he paid each of
the newspapers at the rate of 81 900 to
=, 900 a year. The old fogy merchants
stood aghast at his hardihood, and
every body predicted that he would go
up in less than that time-to the very
height of the mercantile ladder. His
store in few days expadned from a
seven by nine room into the occupancy
of the whole building in which it was
situated, and in less than a year he was
doing the largest business ofany mer-
chant in the city. He kept up his
reckless advertising, as it was called,
and to-day he has store built by him
self, 200 feet deep, 20 feet wide on two
fioors-the largest and most successful
establishment in New En-
gland, outside of Boston. He now
pays the local journals not less than
8, 900 a year for advertising, and yet
he frankly confesses that he has made
all his money out of newspapers"
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
An Intidel Sileneed.

One day an infidel was lecturing in a
village in the north of England, and at
the close he challenged discussion.
The challenge was accepted by an old,
bent woman, in the most ancient attire,
who went up to the lecturer and said,
Il have question to put to you. "
well my good woman, what is it?'
Ten years ago" she said, Il was left
a widow with eight children utterly
unprovided for, and nothing 10 call my
own but this Bible. By its direction,
and looking to God for strength, Ihave
been enabled to to feed my self and
family. | am now tottering to the
grave but / am perfectly happy, be-
cause / look forward to life of i'm
mortality with Jesus in heaven. That's
what my religion has done for me.
What has your way of thinking done
for you?" We'll my good lady," re-
joined the lecturer, L don't want to
disturb your comfort; but" ''Ol
that's not the question" interposed
the woman; keep to the point, Sir.
What has your way of thinking done
for you p The inf6el endeavored
again to avoid the question; the feel
ing of the meeting gave vent TO ap
plause, and the infdel had to go, away
silenced by an old woman. =.
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
THE NEW POSTAL CARDS.

On the LIST May the Postal Cards
will be thrown on the market, and
will, doubtless, come into the general
use.
The cards are to be printed on what
is known as bound paper"-thst is
paper without pasting. They will be
five and one-eigth inches long, by
three inches wide, and are of two
shades of velvet brown bearing on one
side stamp with the liberty head
surrounded by the words u. 8. Pest
age One Cent" In lathe work, and hav-
ing besides the words United States
Postal Card" Printed across the
face are lines for the address, with the
letters q. s. p. 0. D." one and
halfinches long, in a water mark across
the body of the card. The weight is
to be six pounds..to the thousand The
cards are to be put up In packages of
30, and then win be inclosed in light
paste board boxes containing 20 pack
ages, or 500 cards each.
The contractors TO furnish one hun
dred million cards the first year, and
more if required. The orders received
at the Department already amount to
over 30,0O0,OO0, and are increasing
every day, so that the Postmaster
Generalcalculates that at least l30, ,000,-
600 cards will be called for the first
year.
The cards will be for sale at every
post Office in the United States, singly
or in quantities, the same as postage
stamps are now. A card will answer
all the purposes of paper, envelope
and stamp, In case the message con-
tains nothing of a private nature, and
the saving of two cents TO men and
houses sending out hundreds of letters
daily will be no small item 1t is not
that the postal cards will be
popular with lovers, or people in whom
the organ of secretiveness is unusually
large; but with the mass of the peo-
pie they are sure to become immensely
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
How Much They Made.

Some person with turn for figures
furnishes the New York World the
following:
Congress met on the second day of
December and remained in session un-
til the 4th of March, a period en-
bracing 81 days. Thirteen Sundays
intervened, and both houses adjourned
over from the 22d of December to the
9th of January, which included twelve
working days. Thus the actual num-
Der Of days was reduced to67. At the
rate of $500 per annum that the
members received, it will be seen that
the pay of each member amounted to
S111 10 per day. Now, it is safe to say
that the averave number of hours they
were in session did not exceed five per
day, so that each member received
1922 per hour, or a little over 81
cents per minute. This same ready
calculator tells that majority of these
members could not make one dollar
a day at any honest labor.
Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1873-04-26
BoYs.-American boys are expected

BOYs.-American boys are expected
to become manly men. The mother of
every boy is expected to teach him to
be Obedient to parental authority, to
the civil law, and to acquire an educa-
ton, business, a trade, or an art,
something for which he may be best
adapted, and by which he may obtain
an honest living. This is a privilege,
nay more-it is a duty, duty to self,
to family, to friends, to the state and
to the nation? When this is done, So
ciety has guaranty for the good con-
duct and usefulness of each of her
sons. When it is neglected and boys
grow up in ignorance and idleness, So
ciety is taxed for their support, either
in her reformatories, her jails, hospit-
ais, or asylums. How much cheaper it
would be to have every boy properly
educated, trained and disciplined so
that he would be a blessing, instead of
a curse to the world. He is sure to
become one or the other.