South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-02-28
How Deacon II. ate Cold Custard.


mundane sphere TO reap the reward of an
exemplary life. A few years ago, when
the temperance excitemcnt-of which Fa.
Their Matthew was the great high priest
prevailed 50 generally over the eastern and
western States, no greater enthusiast lent
his energies to the advancement If total
abstineuce principles than Deacon III. He
was fifty years of age aud bachelor, and
81 much abashed by the presence Of ladi, 8,
that, save in the way of business, he always
took good care TO avoid them.
He held as pint of conscience that
whoever travelled in the service of the
church should pay his own expenses.
This singular crochet eaused him to be in
great demand as a delegate to synods. gem
eral assemblies, etc of The church. These
occasions were anxiously looked for by his
clerks, who took advantage of his absence
to relax little from that severe propriety
of department which was exacted from
them when he was present. In other
words-their own-'they always had a
good time when the old man was away.'
Christmas was approaching; aud the
boys were delighted when they learned
that odd Srub-and Twist, '-as they ir
reveren'ly Designated him among them
seives-would be off to a convention du-
ring Christmas. In Deacon HIS store
there Was long counter from end 10 end =,
the only one pertaining to any of the es.
Establishments whose clerks were in the set
with the descnn's. Although il was ra,h-
er risky, In the event of discovery, il was
determined to hold the Christmas festivi-
ties where this long cpuuter could be utiI
ized for the purpose Of setting out tn ad-
vantage the 'galunptious spread it was re
solved upon To have On this super-oriina.
~ occasion, to come off after store was clos
ed at night. Numerous guests were invi-
ted, and every PREPARATION was made to
cheer the hearts AMI sromachs of the cx-
pected participants. No civilized person
would expec', Of course, that egg. noe
could, by any possibility be overlooked,
for what would Christmas b. without it
but mockery and delusion. CGnsed n i II
ly huge b. wi of the uns ,phisticlted was
prepared az piece de resistance of the ca
rousal.
Much solicitudo was felt as to the pre- j..
mature return of the deacon, which would
involve the necessity of selecting another
scene for the festivities, but the evenrfu
evening arrived without him or-aaJa.EuesssI
"t him. A; ii o'clock precisely, the 'wit
lies were up the doors having been previ-
ousy closed, a. well as any little stray
chiOks that would permi, tue escape of a
ray of light. The feast was To be a close
corppration,' even from the knowledge of
which all were To be exclud -d-save the G.
lect. A this critical moment a startling
rap at the front door sent dismay into
more than one stout heart, the proprietor
of which would have faced battery with
out fiuchng.
After brief consultation, the door was
opened timorou-ly, and in walked the dea-
con, causing such a CONSERVATION az might
have been experienced by hjcE of-sheep
on the advent Of wolf. IIo had travel
ed all day on hOrse-bnck, making a forced
march for the purpose Of being able to
spend Sunday (the next day 10 his usual
haun's. Very unexpectedly, be manifested
no disp'easurc at what was going on, but
On the contrary expressed himself as very
sla 10 see something to eat, as he bad
Partaken OF no food since an early dinner
that day. The prospect of having him f,r
guest rather put dsmpcr on the spirits
of the company, for be WIS nothing as
a gay and festive cuss,' being as prea,
Journalist as the Scotch covenantar who
asked blessing when he went to kiss bis
sweetheart. Opportunity was taken e.
coverily smuggl3 the bowl Of egg -nog into
the back room, and as j, vas the only con
traband article present, serenity was re-
stored as soon as u was out of the way. -
After the solemn invocation Of blessing
by the deacon the feast began, and pro-
gressed as satisfactorily M could have been
expected with such skeleton in the clos
ct. But the bowl Of egg nog stuck 10 ev-
cry gizzard. IL was too bad that il should
remain in the back room wasting its sweet.
ness on the desert air.
At length one Of the clerks, with know
ing wink, asked the chief if there was not
bowl OF cold custard in the back room. -
lie was answered by deprecitory and eau
'ionsry LOOK, but u was too late The dea-
con had beard the question and answered,
III you have, bring il 10, for / am pariicu.
larry fond Of oustard' OF course there
was no backing out possibly nov, and so
the cold eustard was brought 10 and With
much misgiving served out to the company
Every one expected that the deacon would
Instantly detect what it was, when there
would be big rumpus aud no mistake !;
but he vas more uusophis'icaied than they
suspected, for he had never tasted ega-nog
10 his life Some coustcrnation was expe-
rienccd when he passed up bowl f1r his
ratons, saying he liked 20 soak bread ia "a
and ca, IL with spoon, f1r while they i'm
agincd be might ultimately be pacifc4'ed
ss to the mere presence of the iosidious
fluid, they knew be would never forgive
their allowing him 10 get DRINK ON il nm.