The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-05


denly faI'tn Into the opposite extreme. The last
number of that paper shows that it has wholly
lost all sense Of modcsty
An Omaha man. desiring TO get rid of bis
Imothcr-lnlaw at very short notice, Induced her
to spread ntro.glycerine on her back to cure
Iumbaso and then apply a hot flat iron, At the
--latest accounts they had sent into an adjoining
county TO try to get enough Of the woman to-
ycthcr TO hold an inquest over.
What kind Of cattle do they have out at Zones-
villey 4 man there advcrtises that he wants .
- woman 70 wash iron and milk ono or two cows
Ink made from India rubber is the latest invcn.
ton 1t will he used mainly by writers who are
inclined TO stretch a story
Some of those radical editors who make out
Colfax to be innocent in the Credit Mobilicr bus.
mess. must use barrels Of the rubber ink,
The extent that human depravlty can 90 is
shown in the following item;
sam Francisco milk is 40 badly adulterated that
the COWS blush to think their names are used TO
cover 50 vile fraud
! II would take about one thousand fat hogs TO
pay 4 Congrcssman's salary one year, What
| Sausag q. eaters they must he'-frop0H J0ul7H
! And vet one fat hog Is worth thousand con-
! grcss men! Citation RfgtNtr
! Yes, but not more hoggsh.
The Winona Rlp4Jianm is responsible for this;
a Mrs;, Tuppcr living IN tins township,
handsome copy Of Tupper's works in one volume.
1t weighed ten pounds.
| 1t might be well for Mr.. Topper to inquire
whether this is to be the full edition of lupper's
works, or only one of series of dozen or 50.
The most original spelling We have ever seen
| is the following II beats phonetics so You be
"A tub. 80 oh! peas top. Be s0-bat. See 50
SO-cat. Pea sd-pat. Are S0-rat See OH
double vou-cow See you be--cub See bee
cab. Be YOU double tea-butt. See q double
Icll--call-kI.
All Of which is eff ell S0-fat.
A smart boy Of North Dixon having heard that
" matches were made in heaven" suggested to his
mother that the other place" would afford bet
ter facilities on account Of the abundance OF
hrims tone.-- DIXON Hcrah.
The above is an attempt to make the Hoa'Fs
imp notorious as a wag. No other boy could
have said IL.
4 man up at Dixon advertised A boy wanted"
In about three days after the advertisement APP.
peared in the newspapers, the mans wife pre-
scented him with ttco. So says the Herald. The
atty Of the response and for fear of getting
further returns, stopped the I'D" Advertising
does pay.
As an argument against early rising the papers
are now publishing an item stating that man
in Indiana hung himself before breakfast.-Er.
Served him right. He had no business TO be
up before breakfast.
The following would seem almost incredible
but can be proven by the railroad company, and
who ever heard Of railroad company that you
couldn't prove anything by?
4 freight train lost in the snow on the Winona
4 ST. Peter Railroad, in Minnesota, a month or
so since, was dug out the other day, and though |
very much emsciated, the cow catcher was still
alive.
They have been injecting the brains of a mule
nto the veins Of Dubuque local editor, with
such results as fully justify the theory of the
TRANSMISSION Of blood-Er.
The mule still lives, and is editor of the Morris
Herau.
A colored maid Of all work from Washington
boarding house attended the inauguration ball
n a much tsimmed white tarletan. with low cor
sage, and wore powdered hair. The effect may
Ne imagined. She says she not only danced with
| white officer, but promcnaded with him several
mes.-E1.
This was an Inauguration ball. angger.augura-
ion party The niger being there, augured
we'll for future society al the capital.
The editor of the Ogle Co. Guard, who is A
}uscr, says he weighs 200 lbs, and won't take
many Of our A-Bu-cr articles.
We weigh $50 lbs, and are willing to "carry
'eights,' say bricks in our hat, TO make the fight
ven, and then lay on Macduff.'