Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-11-06
4 TALE OF ENGLISH MAIL-COACH
DAYS.

Bull proportions, weighing some eighteen
or Gweiity stone, had occasion to travel
ig summer OK stagc-COaCh from Oxford to
London The stage carried six inside;
and oar hero engaged two places las, in
consideration Of his size, he usually did,
for himself. The other four seats were
taken by Oxford students.
These youths, being lighter than our
modern Lambert, reached the stage be-
fore he did, and each snugly possessed
himself OF :. corner seat, leaving a center
seat on each side vacant The round,
go0d-tempcced face of John Ball soon
after appeared at the carriage-dOor and
peering into the vehicle and observing
1be local arrangements, its owner said,
Txsth smile: You see | am of pretty
comfortable size, gentlemen; so | have
taken two seats. 1t will greatly Oblige
ne if one Of you wilt kindly move into
tlle opposite seat, so that | may be able
50 enter"
''My good sir" said a pert young law
student, possession is nine-tenths of the
1aw- You engaged two seats. There
they are, one on each side We engaged
enc each, came first, entered regularly
INTO possession, and our titles to the seats
We occupy are indisputable."
Il do not dispute your titles" said the
other, "but | trust to your politeness, see
Eug how the case stands, to enable me to
pursue my journey"
30, hang politeness!' said hopeful
young scion Of some noble house. II have
q horror OF middle seat, and would not
take one to obiige my grandmother; it's
ungraCeful as we'll as uncomfortable; and,
besides, one has no chance of looking at
the pretty girls @tong the road. Good old
gentleman, arrange your concerns as you
E4lE1Gp- tn III M 10
leaned back, yawned, and settled himself
with hopeless cOmpOsure III his place.
Our corpulcnt friend, though a man
not easily discomposed, was somewhat
put out by this unmannerly oDstinacy.
He turned 10 q snart-looking youth with
a 81 nper on his face-a clerical
student WHO had hitherto sat in a rev
cry, possibly thinking over his chances OF
arica benifce III the future. "Will you
accommodate me?' he asked; '.this is the
last SITS ge that starts for London to-day,
and business Of urgent importance calls
me to town.
Some temporal affair no doubt" said
the graceless youth, with a mock of gray
ity; some speculation with filthy lucre
for its object. Good father at your age
your thoughts should turn heavenward,
instead OF being confined to the dull,
heavy tabernacle of clay that chains US
10 earth And his companions roared
with laughter at the clever joke"
A glow Of indignation Just colored the
strangers cheek; but he mastered the
feeling in a moment, and said, with much
composure, to the fourth, care you also
determined that shall lose my place; or
will you oblige me by taking center
seat?''
-NAy, dc, Tom," said his lordship to the
aId aI +, int no
way of your profession, quite physio-
logical curiosity. You ought to accom-
MEDIATE him.
May be poisoned if I don' replied
the student of medicine. "In a dissect-
ing-room, he'd make n excellent sub: ect;
but in coach, and this warm weather,
too, OLD gentleman, if you'll put your
self under my care, I'll engage in the
course of six weeks, by judicious course
Of depletives to save you hereafter the
expense of double seat. But, really, to
take middle seat in the month of July
is contrary to all the rules of hygiene,
and practice to which | have a profess
sional objection"
And the laugh was renewed at the old
gentleman's expense
By this time the patience of coachee, who
had listened to the latter part of the dia-
logue, was exhausted. "Harkee, gemmen,"
said he, "settle the business as you like !;
but it wants just three-quarters of a min
Ute of twelve, and with the first stroke of
The University clock my horses must be
OF L would..not wait three seconds longer
for the king, God bless him. 'Twould be as
much as my place is worth" And with
that he mounted his box, took up the
relns, bid the hostler shut the door, and
sat with appraised whip, listening for the
expected stroke
As it sounded from the venerable belfry,
the horses, as if they recognized the sig
ssaE, shot Off at gallop with the four
young rogues, to whom their own rude
ness and our fat friends dilemma afford
ed prolific theme for mcrriment during
the whole stage.
Meanwhile the subject of their mirth
hired postchaise, followed and over
took them at the second change of horses,
where the passengers got out ten minutes
for lunch. As the pOstchaise drove up to
the inn door, two young chimney-sweeps
passed with their bags and brooms and
their well-known cry.
Come hither my lads" said the cor.
pulent gentleman, "what say you to a
The whites of their eyes enlarged into
still more striking contrast with the dark
shades of the sooty cheeks. will you
have a ride, my boys, in the stage-coach?"
"Ees, zur,' said the elder, scarcely dar-
ng to trust the evidence of his ears.
"Well, then, hostler, open the stage
door. In with you! And, dive hear? be
sure to take the two middle seats; so, one
On each side"
The guards horn sounded, and coachee's
voice was heard: "Only one minute and
Il half more. gentlemen; come ont"
They came, bowed laughingly to our
5rlend of the corporation, and passed on
20 the coach. The young lord was the
first to put his foot on the steps. why,
how now, coachee? What COMPOUNDED
Joke is this? Get out, you rascals, or I'll
teach you how to play gentlemen such a
trick again"
'sSit still, my lads; you're entitled
30 your places. My lord, the two mid.
die seats, through your action and that