American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-05-03
A Wonderful Invention.
To the Editor of the Courier Journal:

To the Editor of the Courier Journal:
l HAVE invented machine for the pur-
pose of reducing the number of exchange
tiends now in existence. AS many of your
exchanges Know exchange fiends are per
sons of great perseverance who continually
drop into the room where the exchanges
of newspaper office are kept, and wreStle
with them under the pretcnce of searchin g
for the Daily San Francisco Crusher, or
the Waco Weekly Bull,rhacker, or some
other sheet that they offer to swear they
can't find at the news stands. These per-
sons, as if their presence alone were not
sufficiently narrowing, have a way of sit
ting for at least half an hour at a time, and
rafting the papers in the exchange basket
in manner evidently intended to exas-
perate and confuse everyone at work with
in range of the noise. They do worse.
When one of them is informed that the
paper wanted is not to be had, he invari-
ably says, IAN old one will do just as
well" and his brow darkens with unman-
ly suspicion when he is told that the paper
he wants has positively been carried out.
These persons also make tedious and I'M
necessary explanations, consuming much
valuable time and wearing out the pa
thence. They know everything that's dis
agreeable, and practice it persistently
All their faults, if written of here, would
make this thing too long.
The invention to which refer is known
as 'Bogardus' Patent Irresistible Combi-
nation Kicker, for the use of newspaper
Offices" and it is in every respect superior
to the buZZ-saw now in use in some of the
Western newspaper establishments. 1t
consists mainly Of-first, large, strongly
constructed chair, in the bottom of which
are concealed numerous remarkable
springs of extraordinary power; second,
an immense boot made of a hard, unyield-
ing substance, and connected, beneath the
floor with the chair; third, Il number of
strong rods and things connecting the
whole with the steam engines of the estab-
lishment. The boot and chair are also
connected with a powerful hook, which is
concealed in the ceiling.
AS the unsuspec ting exchange fiend ap-
proaches, he is requested to be seated in
the chair, which is placed close to the bas-
ket in which the exchanges are kept
Just as he settles in the seat and reaches
for an exchange, Il member of the editorial
staff suddenly jerks convenient knob;
the powerful and wonderful springs in the
chair begin to toss the fiend in a most eX-
traordlnary manner; portion of the floor
slides away, and the immense boot swings
into view, making a kind of crashing
noise, as though the building were falling
In few seconds more the remarkable
SpIlHSS, uC W lHcil ldSh, lllIoW tlt
astonished fiend into IA position which
makes him face the door. The concealed
hook then drops from the ceiling and
seiZes him by the coat collar, and then the
boot, with the rapidity of lightning, is
put where it will do the most good.
When the boot has gone rapidly back
and forth for about half minute, the
machinery is stopped, the shattered tiend
is lowered to a litter and carried out, and
for six weeks he languishes under the i'm
preston that he has been assaulted from
behind by the tutelary demon of the press,
or some equally exasperated monster too
hideous to describe. He never returns to
the exchange basket.
The Patent Irresistible Kicker is very
effective, and has been known to shattcr
one of DIR. Harding's celebrated interview
ing cushions at one blow l anticipate a
great demand for it as soon as its merits
become known. The specification of this
patent is the spring-work of the chair,
with the connecting boot
J. c. BRAITHwAITE BoGARDUs.
LOUISVILLE. April 8.