Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-10
Gen. Mcclellan has gone to Russia.

Gen. Mcclellan has gone to Russia.
A circuit court-the longest way home
from the singing school.
A western paper says: ''For the effects
of intemperance see our inside. -
Two ex-printers occupy pulpits at
Lock Haven, Penn. Selah.
Before you commit suicide take cold
bath. What people term despair is very
often dirt
Mrs. Partington says she gets up every
morning at the shrill carrion of the
chandelier
During the year past Chicago has built
over seven miles of iron. stone and brick
buildings in the burnt district.
The legal price for knocking a set of
false teeth down the throat of Califor.
mia mother in-law, has been fixed at one
hundred dollars.
"What is the best attitude for self.
defence p asked pupil of well known
pugilist. "Keep civil tongue in your
head" was the reply.
1t is astonishing how happy murder
ers die, nowadays. The last one hang
ed in Virginia remarked that he was
"going to meet his little babies in heav.
en-"
The Pawnees. those noble "Lo the
poor Indians, are at Omaha laying in a
stock of rifles. ammunition. etc.. in view
of a busy winter season in the hair dress
ing line.
Colorado is bully country for con-
sumptive invalids. When Mrs. Prather
of Ohio, went there. she was too weak to
handle broom. Lately she chased her
husband half mile with pitchfork
An ugly old bachelor says the reason
why women do not cut themselves in
two by tight lacing, is because they lace
around the heart, and that is SO hard
; they cannot affect it. The brute What
sort of heart has he got?
"You ought to let me pass here free
of charge, considering the benevolent
, nature of my profession" SAID physi
clan to toll gate keeper. "Not so waI
the reply, you send too many dead
heads through here now" The DR.
did not stop to argue the point, but paic
D his toll and passed on.
When the bells of Danbury rang ou
/. their wild notes at midnight lately.
benedict awoke from his sleep with
cry of ''keno p instead of fire p on hi
R lips His wife is troubled in mind as t
his whereabouts the early part of tn
b. evening.
e Since Jones has been in reduced cir
cumstances he takes pleasure in singin
the following version of popular song
A. ''Whie beefsteak and venison lots of cash
0, Be it ever grstly there's nothing like hash,
II The scrapings and leavngs of no use elsewhere,
When mixed all together make excellent fare.
Hash, hash. good meat hash
Be it ever so grstly, there's nothing like hash
N Josh Billings says the dinner horn
s. the oldest and most sakred horn ther
IS is. 1t is set to musk, and plays '.Hom'
= Sweet Home about noon. 1t will al
rest man and bring him quicker tha
. sheriff S warrant. 1t kauses the de;
tew hear, and the dumb tew shout fl
joy. Glorious old instrument, long ma
I. yure lungs last!
Two Dutchmen lived close togethe
and they had been fast friends. but the
y fell out. and hated each other like Ind
IN ans. One of them got sick and sent Fl
&c his neighbor, saying:
Hans, | am going to die, will "
forgive me and be friends
'.Yes, if you die, will said Han
:. "but if you get we'll again, der o
grudge will stand good
"s A wife of nearly ten years havil
given her servant a holiday, was atten
ing to the culinary matters herself, al
t. hearing her husband coming in the kite
en-. thought she would surprise him
soon as he entered the door by throwi
!. her hands over his eyes and Imprint
kiss on his brow. as in the days of t
ON honeymoon The husband returned t
!. salute. with interest, and asked, as
disengaged her hands. MARY. darlil
+ where is your mistress p The W
= discharged Mary, darling" the ne
49, day, and has adopted new plan of ..s
W. 1 r,rialr,fy'' hcr hrol<, ~