The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-07-15
H U M 0 R 0 U s i.

Now, one of the party happened to be an
Englishman, and hot-headed one at that,
who could not see beyond the length Of his
nose, and who had a disagreeable habit of
oontradicting any and every statement at
variance with his own opinions, which were
so prejudiced that conclusive proof would
hardly shake them. He had just finished
an elaborate eulogium upon the merits OF
an English mare, when one of his friends
snickered, which made him just mad
enough to lose sight of what the boys in
tended he should.
&C. suppose you think that 2.10 is pretty
good time, ell, Gid p'' remarked George ID.
"Of course do,'' he replied, angrily;
"you have not horse in this country that
can beat it.
Nonsense, Gid i; Dexter has done It in
less than 1902
"Pshaw why there is not horse living
that can travel mile in less than two
minutes"
81 repeat that Dexter has done it, in
less than 1.90 and will bet cigars for tho
crowd that can prove what say. DO You
bet ?''
Bet Why, my dear fellow, what"
"Never mind the conundrum, and an,
swer my question"
swell, then, if you are so anxious to-
dispose of greenbaek, will bet. Now
let me hear your proof"
d" With pleasure. l said that Dexter
had done it in less than 100, which is.
equal to 28O, is it notP"
"Oh, the dew"
He was too overcome to finish the sen,
tence.
EB- A Judge was trying a prisoner ae-
cused of felony While delivering his
charge and infinitely recapitulating and
complimenting on the evidence, the jury
and counsel fell fast asleepl The sheriffs
who had charge of the prisoner, being soon
after seen to nod, a spectator, who happen
ed to be awake, and apprehending the
prisoner might escape, suddenly exclaim-
ed:
"Wake the sheriffs p
"Never mind, - said the judge (who was
wag in his way,) "the sherifs may have
their nap out, for the prisoner is fast asleep,
alsop'
nB-A young lady teacher in Sunday
school recently caught boy smiling. She
asked:
"What are you laughing at?''
"Nothing, num- was the answer.
"I know BETTER" said the teacher Sc
verely, "Now tell me what it is"
Johnny looked frightened, as he mnt-
teringly said, "I-I-s-see yer n-negs-
paper s-sticking out, num-"
The teacher sat down suddenly and ar
ranged things.
GB- Leavenworth claims to be so very
healthy that when it lately became neces-
sary to "inaugurate" the new grave yard,
"they had to shoot a man on PURPOSE"
On the other hand, Nebraska man, whgn
asked whether all the Kansas people were
fair-honest, said: "Don't know about
honest; but they do say as how the folks
around take in their stone fences every
night"
eB-A Quaker having sold fine-lookiDg
but blind horse, asked the purchaser :
"wen, my friend, dost thou see any
fault in ?''
"No," was the response.
"Nether will he see any fault in thee"
said old Broad-rim.
eY-A Portland man was caught fishing
for trout on another mans land, the other
day; the owner demonstrated, but retiredin
silence before the majestic answer: "Who
wants to catch your trout I'm only try
ing to drown this worm"
EY- I'd vote for ye, sir, said eandih
constituent, only you're such a fool-'
"Fool, am IP' retorted the candidate,
"then I'm the very man to represents
you"
EW-" Paddy" said joker, "why don't
you get your ears cropped-they arc en-
tirely too long for manT' "Andyours,'
replied Pat, "ought to be lengthened-7
they are too short for an ass"
eE-" Sambo, what is dar dat nebber was.
nebber can be, and nebber will be ?"
81 dunno, Gum, gibs it up"
"Why, chile, q mouse's nest in cats
ear.'
rB-A fellow who hasn't been here long
says this is good place to "Learn to Ia
Dor and to wait wait for your money.
AS matter of course the fellow WAS.
joking. ea pla