Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1873-07-01
VALUABLE HINTS.
Saratoga Made Easy-HOw TO be
Happy at Home.

From the New York World.l
Like reasonable reformers, we recog-
nize the fact that the majority of sum.
mer travellers enter upon their voyaging
for no other reason save that it is likely
to prove costly, crowded, dusty, disa.
greeable and fashionable. Accepting
this, we propose plan whereby the pub-
lie on pleasure bent and of frugal
mind may have its Saratoga served at
the door with its daily bread and matu-
tinal milk, and have fully as much din
and discontinue for its dollars with a
larger residue of dimes in the way of
small change. In brief, we propose the
organization of q company for the pre-
paration and punctual delivery of sum-
mer society at the residences of sub
scribers.
The modus operandi will suggest it.
self to the intelligent. Shutting up his
front blinds and posting his P. P. C.'s,
the victim will direct the company to
leave at his residence for July and
August Saratoga or Long Branch for
one, two or more. 1t will only then re-
main for the agents.of the association to
see superadded to the transactions Of
daily life those expensive and ingenious
drawbacks which seem to constitute the
only apparent attractions of summer
travel.
Thus, for ordinary railway transpor-
tation, might be substituted a certain
number of hours confinement in a
box of Regulus pattern, to be rolled
up and down the stairs, into which
at fixed intervals should be puffed
smoke and dust, while speaking tubes
should fill it with constant and discor-
dant cries of peanuts" "prize candy"
and papersl'' After sufficient treat
ment the victims should be torn vio-
leptly out of their cages, and yells of
4" hack p bufeted and entreated shame
fully. asked hsughtily to register, and
then consigned to the highest dungeon
over the hotel kitchen. An extra refine
ment would be the employment of the
victims wife's dearest friends to cut her,
and express their undisgnised wonder
what on earth the Simpkinses were do
ing at Saratoga.
To counterfeit hotel life, a tribe Of
colored walters should be hired to brush
the coats Of the victims to q napless
nicely, at fifteen cents each. Others
should, at similar rates, pour libations
of soup and champagne over the victims
or waadrobes, while troops of
musicians should bang and bray under
the bedroom windows of such of them |
as-like the crack troops in Her Britanic |
Majestys service = don't daunce."
Where the hight of fashion is desired, it |
would be de regueur to arrange a mar
riage bstween q bogus French Countand
the victims eldest daughter.
For recreations, ride in dust cart,
deep potations OF soap suds or . bath in
one Of the public fountains might be
provided. Were rural retreat pre-
ferred, passive but profane acquiescenee
in a mustard blister by night aud active
sxertion on the rocks by day, in pursuit
of the feet and fragrant goat, would be
found about the thing.
These suggestions are necessarily in
and the readers experience
md invention must be left 10 gil out
heir outlines. We are confident, how
yer, that. the experiment would prove
lsuooess, sl9 that the traveller essaying
would and that there vas no earthly
TO seek the waters OF Israel at
song Branch when he could have such
iyers Of Damascus laid on at his own
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