National Republican., 1873-02-04
THE BELLIES RING.
SOL SIMMONS SENSATION.

Important News for Baehe,ors-The Bellies
Capture-They Organize n Society TO
Promote Early MnrriaEes-How Sol
Got Report Of Their NIcetinG-Plenty
Of bellies who Want Neutrality-suspicious.
Of the Pretty speakcrs-Old Bellies and
Young Bellies, Fat Bellies and Lean-Un-
married Men Of Thirty TO be Put Into
Insane AsyIams-A Miss who Made a
Hn-YounG Debutant. to be Trans
ported to Give the Other Bellies a
Chnnce-A Row Mt the MeetinE-DueIs
with Pnrnsol- nj Ten Paces-An Old
I.ady's BombshriI In the Bellies Camp
Now, Bachelors, Look Out!
wILLAnD's HOTEL. February ., 1873.
See here, bachelors, I've got something Of i'm
portance for you. Read, reflect and tremble.
In the first place allow me to Introduce to you
my cousin Kit. Kit, bachelors; bachelors, Kit.
There, now you are acquainted.
Cousin Kit, you must know, Ii from New York.
She is q society" girl, knows all about the bellies
and beaux OF this as well as OF thatcity, is posted
on the fashions, full Of fun and wilt, and can
dance the Boston as gracefully as lily, or more
40. Such is Kit, and would a'id that 1t Ia she
who gave me the important news am about TO
communicate.
Well, to begin with, the bellies Of Washington
II seems, are beginning to get little Indignant
at the peryerseness OF the beauK In refusing to
succumb to their charms. The season is more
than half through with, and scarcely an engage
ment has been announced or q marriage con-
summated. This thing Is discouraging, 80 the
bellies said, and consequently q meeting was
held at the residence OF one OF their leaders last
evening to form "Sooiety for the Promotion OF
Early Marriages." ] heard OF Il, but as not a
horrid man was to he allowed In the room during
| the proceedings, was puzzled to know how
| should get an account OF what was said and done.
Al last bright thought struck me, but did not
hurt me much. would send Kit, proposed
that she should attend the meeting. Kits eyes
| sparkled. "GlOriOus," said she, Ulapplng her lit
tie hands In glee. As soon M Kit CALCULATED
| that word glorious, knew could depend upon
her. Well, TO be brief, last evening Kit might
| have been seen allghting at the doniclle Of Miss
Sly, the leader In the movement In all the glory
Of velvet, silk, diamonds and three-button kids.
| And now for
kits REPORT.
| There were about 4 hundred bellies present.
Some Of them were rather aged ani faded 10 be
termed bellies In the strict meaning OF the word.
| Nevertheless, as they considered themselves
bellies, and as they ought to know about so i'm
portant matter, they were allowed to pass as
| such. The variety OF bellies was very extensive.
There were old bellies, young bellies, fat bellies,
lean bellies, short bellies, tall bellies, helles with
fathers Of high standing, and bellies whose
fathers were short bellies with big eyes and
small mouths, and bellies vice rersd bellies with
black eyes, blue eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes,
hickOry-nut eyes bellies who were short-sighted
and bellies who could see long way into mill
stone; bellies whose ngures did not lie, and some
bellies whose figures did bellies who had long
heads, and bellies who had long tOngues-ln fact,
and dissipation-we mean dispOsitlOn-that were
ever heard OF before, and great many that had
never been heard Of at all, Well, all these fair
sdlor, and what with the glittering jewels and
the flashing eyes, the sight was truly dazzling,
PROCEEDING TO BUSINESS,
On motion Of an emotional belle, Miss Sly was
nothing cloud" was permitted within that parlor,
but Miss Sly heard II, and took the chair In q
very taking way. Then she offered few re.
marks, which offer was accepted. She said that
they had met together on very I'm pOrtaut mat.
ter, 70 them AT least; but she hoped the ladies
present would stop talking about the fashions
business. They had met together to promote
each others happiness-of, rather, marriage,
which was about the same thing. Marriage was
the chief end OF woman. She did not know how
the women would all have obtained husbands II
II were not for the n-rriage Institution. Mar.
rage had always been In favor with their sex. II
was well known among the anoients, and In
modern days II was very. popular, particularly
among the MOrmOns. Women Of the present
day were Just as willing to get married as those
OF former times. Gentlemen who were disposed
10 give them a local hAbltatlOn and name were
the ones they were looking for, and such would
always be received with open arms. But, alas
sne was sorry TO say, the market In Washington
was overstocked. The supply was greater than
! the demand. The gentlemen here appeared y
have iTOn-cad hearts-at least they mad nearly
all been proof against Cupld's darts, and II was
| therefore, q question whether 1t would not be
well 10 discharge Cupid from their employ, and
secure the services Of some more potent power
A. any rate, something must be done a
once II they ever expected to get married. ant
she would, therefore, be happy 10 hear the sug
gestion Of any lady present as TO the hest mean
Of attaining their object,
| GIVING TUE OLD BACHs FIrs,
Miss KillingglAnce threw on her thousand
dollar set OF fuTH aud arose 10 have her say. She
was afraid the men were becoming callous. Sin
gle men evidently had but single purpose u
view In not getting married. She had passed sia
winters In Washington. She had nearly ruined
, her father In making him buy her elegant cloth
Ing TO appear In public with, and yet, In the face
OF all her extrayagance aud pains, not lneL
! had known enough 10 propose, unless II was e
. propose TO go to the theatre or TO take ride
She thought Il was too bad. What In the world
were the men abOutY Did not they know thai
women were here TO get married7 Did not theJ
know that they learned how to sing and dance
the Boston and talk French and Jersey and othel
foreign languages Just to help them 10 the mar
ket7 II they did not know this they ought 10
For her part she was In favor OF having Law
passed abOllshing old bachelors altogether, ant