Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-01-31
HumOr.

Note for Darwin, touching crabs-If you
place one anywhere in the street it will i'm.
mediately get on the sidewalk"
1t is five dollars fine for Rhode Island
man to call another a liar without being
able to prove it, but he generally proves it.
"Come out here, and Ill lick the whole
of you," said an urchin to some sticks Of
peppermint candy in a confectioner's win
dow.
The ladies Of Wilkesbarre are collecting
clothing for the Decotah Indians. Wicked
editors say they are doing this in the inter-
est of modesty.
An Indian young lady died recently, but
while they were preparing her body for the
coffin, revived long enough to tell them to
crimp her hair.
Chow can we escape fire ?" is the inqui-
~ in Boston just now, to which sacrile-
gious typo replies, that the Gospel offers
every encouragement.
In sermon upon the baseness of base
ball the preacher, warming with the occa.
sion, asked: "Would dying sinner play
base ball on his death bed %
Miss Drinkwater is one of the shining
lights Of the Good Templar organization at
Chester Springs, Chester county. Don't
intimate after this that there is nothing in
a name.
A young doctor in q new settlement. Oh
being asked to contribute towards enclosing
and ornamenting the village cemetery, very
coolly replied that if he filled it, he thought
he should do his part
A Boston manufacturer advertses a pat
emf shoe that will prevent horses from ''ball-
ing" Spicer says this is not new idea,
as Mrs S. has used shoe often to stop the
young Spicer's bawling.
A printer out West, whose office is half
a mile from any other building, and who
hangs his sign on the limb of tree. adver-
tses for an apprentice. He says: GA boy
from the country preferred.
A Western editor was recently requested
to send his paper to a distant patron, pro-
vided he would take his pay in 'trade."
At the end of the year he found that his
subscriber was a coffin maker
The editor of the Toledo ''Blade" is try.
ing to mould public opinion SO as to accom-.
modate his pocket-book by stating that the
time will soon come when men will wear
one garment, as did the people Of old.
That young man in Boston who offered
to contribute his mother.in-law to aid in
"blowing up" buildings, is now quite I'M
we'll with ewelled head, resulting from a
triAing domestic incident in his family.
An incomprehensible idiot asks 'What
is the difference between hundred leg bug
and half-dozen penny oranges 2" And
then, with fendish delight, he answers
Zone is centipede and the other cent.a-
piece"
A worthy farmer in Georgia, who was
carried home on a litter the other day, SOL
emily asserts that nothing but twenty ton
anchor can hold sorrel mule down to the
earth after she mas stepped in yellow jack
cts nest.
No decision-Ata young ladies' debating
club, the following question was lately dis
cussed: "What gives girl the most pleas
ure-to hear herself praised. or to hear an.
other girl run down % No decision was
arrived at.
A newly.married man complains of the
high price of ducks" lie says his wife re-
Gently paid for three of them-a duck of
bonnet, duck ola dress, and duck of
parasol. He says 'such dealings in poul-
try will ruin him."
There is one lady down on rubber bustles.
The Slippery condition of the tagging Mon
day morning necessitated her sitting down
with enthusiastic suddenness, and the re-
bound that followed drove her head through
sixty dollar show case.
A New England editor lately REFEREED
or thought he did-to political opponent
as "au old poppy" but he was somewhat
startled to find that the types made him say
what he did not mean, IAN old puppy"
And yet some people wonder why editors
are not happy.
"Mrs. Jenkins" said little red-headed
girl with pug nose and bare feet, "moth-
er says will you obleege her by lendin' her
stick of fire wood-fll this eruet with vim
egar--puttin' a little soft soap in this pan
and please not let your turkey gobblers
roost on our fence.
A lady was teaching boy how to spell.
The boy spelt "coId," but could not pro-
nounce it In vain his teacher asked him
to think and try. At last she asked him
"What do you get when you go out upon
A. ont
your feet ~ ~ gets lickiDg''
They attempted to kill book age4t in
Omaha last week. He was robbed, thown
into the river, knocked off the the cars,
pitched from high bridge into the river
again, but in two hours after came rourd
with new illustrated edition Of the Bible,
and tried to get the subscription of the lead.
er of the attacking party.
A strong minded woman in Detroit made
the following gentle reply TO politician
who had called at her house to get her hus.
band to go to the polls and vote sNo, sir,
he can't 60. He's washing now, and he's
going to iron tomorrow, and if he wasn't
doing anything he couldn't CO. l run this
house, I do; and if any one votes Til be,
this same Mary Jane"
An Eastern youth was ambitiously dis.
playing small pistol before brawny miner
at the West, whoss belt was weighted with
two heavy six shooters, when the miner
asked what he had there. "Why," replied
the young man from the East, ''that is
pistol oval" said the rough, sit yop
should shoot me with that, and I should