The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1873-09-05
che s}9arietta Sonrnal.
ruNNY-aRApHs.

AulsG uuu Auah ahiA y1DS' ~
did any poty efer hear such fuss
apout a liddls pid o bork I"
A girl in Lawrence, Maine, was
going to sue a false,hearied lover tor
breach Of promise, but she agreed to
compromise the matter for SOL ana
new switch
Thew accuse an Indiana editor
who returned thanks for serenade,
of having played a banjo under his
own window.
New Jersey people don't say liar
right out, but remark: "Sir, you re-
mind me Of my lamented brother,
who could pervert truth with the
greatest ease.
WANTED. "A gentleman in Mari
ie,ta with good falsetio voice
wishes to exchange with anybody
having a good false set o teeth.
A young man who is going to get
married next month sits around the
boiler Of an engine 70 get his ear
trained to it
"What shall give my boy to
make him h0nored and respected z
is what an affection father writes us.
Education and moral precepts were
once required 70 accomplish this
pnrposc, bu. diamond pin now
covers the ground.
Look not upon the watermelon
when it is red, nor the stewed cher
ry when 1t giveth its color in the
euL; at last it biteth like q soft shell
crab, and stingeth like the cholera
morbus.
Who is the first boy mentioned in
the Bible ? Chap. !.
That was wise man who cut
big hole in his barn door for his cat
and small one for her kitten.
Men are like bugles: the more
brass they contain, the more noise
they make, and the farther you can
hear them
A Dutch judge, on conviction of
culprit for having four wives, de-
cided: "lIe have punishment blen-
ty; lifts mid one"
What is the difference between
stabbing a man and killing hog 7
The one lie assaulting with intent to
kill, and the other killing with in
tent to salt.
There is farmer in Chester coun-
ty who years ago when boy, black
ed boots in Philadelphia for living
He is now worth $3.50 and owns
three dogs Industry brings it's
own reward.
'Why, Emily, how do you do I"
II am very well, Julia. i celebra.
ted my wooden wedding last week. !"
"Why, didn't know you were mar
ried. How did you celebrate it,
"By marrying blockhead."
Mr.. Styles is struck with the fool
ishness of employing a coroner's ju-
ry to find out why women take poi
son. He says they do it to kill
themselves.
Two young men in Pennsylvania,
being in love with the same girl,
fought duel with pitchforke, and
the girl's father pitched in with
spade and broke their heads.
There is a livery stable keeper
in neigbboring town who won't let
his horses to anybody without ex~
acting promise that che win drive
Glow" One day ayouth, who want
ed 10 so to funeral, applied to the
livery man fora horse. ''Aly friend,
you can have one If you will agree
to drive slow" "Well, see here,
I'm going to a funeral, and Pm
bound to keep up with the process
ion, ii it kills the horse.n
A Vickshurg bank cashier paid a
man $500 too much, and not being
able to find the man, and having no
money to make the loss good, leap
ed into the RIVER and drowned him
self
Let Galveston, Texas, man put
his hand in his pocket after chew
of tobacco and everybody jumps,
fearful that be is going to shoot
A tombstone maker in Boston
chisels c. O. D. on a large portion
of his COMMISSIONERS. One Of his head.
stones reads: "BIDDY FLAHEgrY,
z. o. ID. Let her K. /. Pr
a young man in Connecticut,
having the late railroad disasters in
his mind, has broken his engage
ment with a young lady, because
she wears train and is negligent
about her switch.
At no moment of difficulty does a
husband knowing his own utter helps
lessness, draw SO near TO his wife's
side for comfort aud assistance, as
when he wants a button sewed on
his shirt-collar.
The champion carrier>pigeon
"Ariel" made flight of sixty.four
miles in seventy FIVE minutes. -
This bird is TO go with Professor
Wise on bis balloon trip,