The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-01
LudicrOus and Humiliating.

THREE is something exceedingly ludi-
crous as well as humiliating in the story
of DR.. Bertram, the late Consul to Mon
tevideo, Buenos Ayres. The Doctor,
tired of dealing out pills and potions in
the State of Missouri, and having
a wild ambition for diplomatic fame,
brought all mis- personal and political in
fluence to bear on the Administration for
place in the ranks of the distinguished
corps that represent this great Yankee
nation beyond the seas. He painted to
sport himself in plumed hat and gold lace,
and to dangle saber at his side, accord
ing to the intellectual custom of foreign
courts and their imperial potentates. He
did not get the mission to England or
France. He could not arrange on salts
factory terms for a first-class consulship at
Paris or London, or, in fact, to any Euro
pean city. But is not royalty the same
the world over, and are not the South
American republics founded upon and
nearly allied to monarchy? The good
Doctor decided that. rather than stay in
the wilds of Missouri, he would HE him
self to the South Pole; he would change
the day into night and the night into day,
and accept the consulship of Montevideo
He was appointed. commissioned, in
structed, sailed, arrived at his destination
the restless Atlantic, and prepared to
enter upon his important duties. But
alas for ambition. The great and mighty
nation does not pay munificent wages to
the Consul at Montevideo. The work is
rather hard, and the salary 81 900 year.
To rent such quarters as became the re-
preventative of the great republic would
cost alone from three to five times the
amount of the salary. Clerks required
about treble, and family expenses mount
ed away up among the thousands. The
Doctor is not blessed with superabun-
dance of worldly goods. He is rich as
Dives in ambition, but very Lazarus in
dollars and cents. Therefore the Doctor
was placed in a most embarrassing situa-
ton. He couldn't rent a house, he
couldn't employ a clerk, he couldn't pay
a servant. He had to carry the American
flag wrapped around his person like a
winding sheet, not being able to afford a
liberty-pole on which to fling it to the
Montevideo breeze. Finally the Doctor
bethought himself of plan. He bought
a secondhand wall tent, and proudly
reared it on the outskirts of the city.
From this warlike tabernacle he flung the
flag of his country to the winds, and re-
posed peacefully beneath its sheltering
folds. But alas, again; the diplomatic
cOrpb Ol MOuueVlueO were SnOckeu at SUCH
conduct; they held an Indignation meet
ing, and resolved to "cut" the Doctor So
cially, and elevate their patrician noses at
him automatically, ,and this they did, much
to his modification and chagrin. Finding
himself the butt of ridicule. and his coun-
try the object of contempt, the Doctor on
one fine morning struck his flag, packed
his medicine case, "folded his tent like an
Arab, and silently stole away" He ar
rived in Washington few days ago, with
empty pockets and expiring patriotism,
and related the story of his sufferings to
the Secretary of State.
Whether such a disgraceful state OF
things shall be allowed to continue, or
whether our representatives abroad shall
be paid respectable salary, is now one OF
the questions that is seriously agitating
the State Department.-Chicago Inter
Ocean.