Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-08-25
THE AGRICULTURAL FAIR.

Yesterday my soul grew weary
AT my desk so dull and dreary,
And unto myself niuttered.
81 will 30 out to the fair
I will go out at my leisure,
And combining biz with pleasure,
Pick up itemS-column more"
Here thought came DER iee gushing,
As the ''devilp in*eame rushing,
Yelling in my ears his war cry;
Yelling "copy l"-pesky bore
Like lray horse turned to pasture,
As handed my shinplaster
Felt |, sure as you are born;
But kept my eyes wide open,
Watching for chance to rope in
Items for lacked a column more,
Silently watched and waited
As before to you stated,
For a chance to get "local: -
This I'd often done before.
Slow elbowed through the many,
Few of whom l knew, if any;
But my eyes kept mp their vigil,
As they oft had done before;
Now walked In meditation,
Now gazed in admiration
At the strange things by the score
Useful things and ornamental,
Some not worth Continental"
But so many things of all sorts
Eyes had never seen before.
Walked till my limbs grew weary;
Then asked myself the query,
SIS there any place around here
Where man can get drink o.
Then saw the men crowd thicker,
And knew forthwith twas liduor
That these people hovered O'er
Cautiously stepped up to them
And bethought me, If they knew me,
They would ask me up to drink"
I'd been treated" thus before.
Not moment had I stood there,
When gent who owns brood-mare
Slapped me gently on the shoulder
As he asked me what I'd take:
Motioned he to the bottles handy,
Asking whether beer or brandy
As libatiOn would pour,
Then answered him politely
I'VE acquainted were but slightly
That d drink some lemonade
This Ineyer drank.before. M
Then his friends began to snicker
aa At the mention of this liquor,
Laughing out in one loud chorus
As they never laughed before.
Then said one. You're reporter,
And think You hadn't orter
Take one beer, or maybe more "
And answered him in sadness,
''Seldom tits that a reporter
Drinks aught else than cistern water"
Then lied: I'd lied before.
First this utterance quite unstrung them:
knowing looks they cast among them,
Seeming to themselves to mutter,
Here's a fellow we can lay out
As he ne'er was laid before.
We will feed him beer and brandy,
Daub his mouth with 1asses candy
And within stocK-pen lay him,
Where he ne'er has lam before.
Drunken local in a stock-penl
There he'll lay day or more"
"Give us beer p cried one, upstarting.
Wicked looks from red eyes darting
At the keeper of the beer stand
That we all were crOwding round:
"Give us beer for eight or more"
Hesitatingly Q)% took it
As beneath my nose he shook it.
Slowly drank then the liquor,
As never drank before;
And they winked, and asked each other,
'Will he drink just one glass more ~
Then came mugful after mugfnl
Till I'm sure drank jugful
OF the nothing, foaming beverage
That we all call lager beer,
And could drink a kegful more,
was home at drinking lager;
But my friends began to stagger,
Stagger meath the load they bore.
This was just the consummation
That had been working for
Tickled was DER and O'er
Now each victinized, drugged loafer
Felt at once that he must go for
Each and every other one,
Which Immediately he did.
Fired were their brains with liquor;
And without ado or dicker,
They began general serimmage,
While |, sober. kept the score"
Then returned to the office
And wrote up" "a Bloody Fight"
Thus "raised" a column more.