The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-04-30
How = man snu b,s W.fo Pas up d
Stove,
From the Danbury News.

How = man snu b,s W.ie Pat up 4
Stove.
From the Danbury News.
Putting up stove lie not 80 Difficult
10 itself. 1t is the pipe that raise
four-fifts OF the mischief and all thu
dust. You may take down stove
with all the care 10 the world, and have
your wife put away the pipe ia a secur'
place, aud yet that pipe won't come
together again as it was before. You
find this out when you are standi"g or
chair With your arms full Of pipe and
your mouth full of soot. Your wife is
standing on the floor in position thai
enables her to see you, the pipe. and
the chair; and here she gives utterance
to those remarks that are calculated to
hasten q man into the extremes of in
sanity. Her dress is pinned over her
waist, and her hands rest on her hips.
She has got one Of your hats on her
head, aud your linen coat on her back,
aud a pair OF your rubbers on her feet
There is about five cents worth of pot
black on her nose, and lot OF flour on
her chin, and altogether she is spec-
tscle that would inspire a dead man
with distrust. And while you are up
there trying to circumvent the awful
Of the pipe, ami telling that
you know some fool hs- been mixing it,
she stands safely on the floor and bonn
bards you with such domestic mottoes
as: whats the use OF swearing soY'
you know 10 one has touched that
pipe" You amt got any more patience
than child" DO be careful OF that
chair" And then she goes off. and re
appears with an srmfull more OF pipe,
aud before you are aware OF it she has
got that pipe so horribly mixed up that
i does seem no two pieces are alike.
You JOIN the ends AID work them to
and tro, and take them apart and look
at them. Then you spread one out and
Jam the other together, and mount them
once more. But it is no 90. You begin
to think the pieces are inspired with
lite, and ache to kick them through the
window. But she does't lose her pa'ienc e.
She goes around with that aw'uIly ex-
rigging on, with a length o.
pipe under each arm; and long handled
broom in her hand, and says she don't
see how it is some people never have
any trouble in putting ups stove. Then
YOU miss the b, INNER. You don't see
it anywhere. You stare into the pipe
and along the mantle. and down on the
stove, and off to the floor Your wife
watches You iotently, and is tinallv
thoughtful enough TO enquire what you
are looking after, aud On learning, pulls
the article rom her pocket. Then yon
feel as il you could 90 out doors and
sware hole twelve ieet squsre through
a block OF brick buildl'g-, but she
merely observes, "Whv on earth don't
you speak when you want anything
and not stare around like dummy?
When that part Of the pipe ~hlch goes
through the wall is up, she keeps 1t uE
With her broom while you are making
the connection, and stsres at it with an
intensity that is entirely uncalIed tor
All the while your position Is becoming
more and more interesting. The pipe
don't 90 together, o course. The so"'
shakes down into your eyes and mou'h
the sweat rolls down your face ami
tickles your chin as it DROPS off, and II
seems as il your arms are slowly but
surely drawing out OF their sockets
Here your wife comes TO the rescue 10y
inquiripg if you are going to be all daV
doing nothing. and if you think hs'
arms are made Of cast iron; aud then
the broom slips off the pipe, and in her
endeavor to recover her hold she Jab'
YOU under the chin with the handle, snC
the pipe comes down on your heaC
with i,s load of fried SCOT, and then The
chair tits forward enough to DISCHARGE
YOUR feet, aud you come down on the
wrong end OF that chair with a orc ma
would bankrupt a pile driver. You
don't touch that stove again. 4or
leave your wife examining the chair
and bemoanilg its injuries, and go into
the kitchen and wssh your skinned snc
bleeding hands with yellow soap. Their
you 90 down the street after man &c
do the business, and your wife goe'
over TO the neighbors with her chair
and tells them about its injuries, snc
drains the Deighborbood dry Of its sym
patty long before you get home.