The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-12-24


the end of line, and asked him the reason
sI cannot pass very old acquaintance" re-
piled the critic, "without that civility"
The following admonition was addressed by
a Quaker to man who was pouring forth
volley of i'll language against him: 'Have
care, friend, thou mayest run thy face against
my fistp'
DIR. Robertson observed, that Johnson's
jokes were the rebukes of the righteous, de-
scribed in Scri lture as being like excellent
oil. eyes exclaimed Burke, soil Of rit-
riol'
Daniel Purcell, the famous punster, was
desired to make a pun extempore. Upon
what subject?' said Daniel. "The king"
answered the other. go SIR" said he, ''the
king is no subject"
''The sun is all very WE'LL" said an Irish
man. ''but the moon is worth two of it; for
the moon affords us light in the night time,
when we want it, whereas the suns with us
in the daytime, when we have no occasion
for it."
The attachment of some ladies to their lap
dogs, amounts. in some instances, to infatua-
ton. An i'll tempered lap-dog biting piece
out of mae visitors leg, his mistress thus
expressed her compassion: "Poor little dear
creature! hope it win not make him sickF'
A browbeating counsel asked witness how
far he had been from certain place, "Just
four yards. two feet, and SIX inches,' was the
reply. "How came you to be SO exact, my
friend ?"-''Because expected some fool or
other would ask me, and so measured it."
ssDid any of you ever see an elephants
skin 2" asked the master of an infant school
in fast neighborliood.-' 81 havev' shout
ed six year-old at the foot OF the class.
"Where?" inquired old spectacles, amused
by his earnestness. 'sOn the elephantp' was
the reply.
A street-car conductor in Detroit picked up
navy revolver from the floor as several pas
sengers were departing, the other day, and a
we'll dressed woman claimed it., with the re-
mark: ''That's the second time I've lost that
to-day"
A horrible cannibal advertises for "a good
girl to cook"
Most people find that after having stored
their thick clothes through the Summer, it is
necessary to have them restored in the Win
ter before they are fit to wear.
Millions Of people are dying of starvation in
Bengal. s. we M
A genius is popularity supposed to be one
who scan do anything except make living
The word of promise. Inferior creature
"You make all your arrangements madam,
to-io this and do that, without ever consult
ing me! Do you forget, madam, that l am
your husband-the husband whom you prom
ised TO love, homer, and obey?' Superior
creature (engagingly)-"Well, well, little
man, it's no good being cross about that. I
promised, Of course, but you know I newell
meant itp'
A number of our exchanges have been
quite happy in presenting their extensive
knowledge as to what honesty is not; but the
Troy Wing gives us something more practical
in the information that for the past year hon
esty has been mostly an angel in heaven
This is certainly progress; and we have faith
that the dimensions of this one of the lost
arts will be accomplished presently.
A98f ---- Il s
Mark Twain, at a public dinner in London,
recently, responded to the toast ssThe La
dies" and in the course Of his remarks said
"Ah, you remember well, what a throb of
pain, what a great tidal wave of grief swept
over us all when Joan of Arc fell at Water
loo. Much laughter.l Who does not sor-
SOW for the loss of Sappho, the sweet singer of
Israel? [Laughter.l Who among us does
not miss the gentle ministrations, the soften
ing influences, the humble piety Of Lucretia
Borgia? [Laughter.] Who can join in the
heartlass libel that says woman is extrava-
CANT in dress when he can look back and call
to mind our simple and lowly mother Eve ar
rayed in her modification of the Highland
costume?'