The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1873-07-05
For The Cecil Wing.
MRS. MINIS on TRAVELLING AGENTS.

| uth.5s VN INA
Mrs. Minis is not one of those unfortu-
nate females who have mistaken their call
ing, she is not writer, she has not the
remotest idea Of ascending the rostrum, or
of becoming practicing physician; on the
contrary she washes and scrubs, bakes,
churns, mends and makes for her large
family with unfailng ability, and rrepress-
ible punctuality.
The only crime, of which Mrs Minis can
be lawfully accused, is that of harboring
upon her premises one of the most indie
fatigiable scribblers that ever became in
spired with the conviction that she was,
is, or ought to be writer. And Minis
does give vent to some expressions that
ought to be in print.
"Mrs. Minis, there's man at the front
gate, he's coming up the lawn toward the
front door"
" Does he wear plug hat 81
eyes"
SIS he carryin' satchel or some fool
toggery?"
Yes, he's carrying satchel."
$50, be quick, tell him we don't want
nothin'; is he as strong lookin' as Moses
and as brazen lookin' as Samson? Tell
him to drive on, we don't want no.hin'.-
If he's got Hannibal's lamp, or the gossip
er's stone, tell him we don't want it."
Thus vehemently abjured by the mistress
of the mansion, descended to meet the real
ly handsome but rather insinuating looking
| young man, who stood bowling and smiling
upon the front porch, as opened the hall
door," Oh! his smile it was bland " as he
took from his glossy satchel an elegantly
bound specimen copy of the religious work
for which he announced himself the sole
agent. In vain | reiterated the commands
of Mrs Minis and intimated that we would
scarcely accept the volume as a gift; he
proceeded to descant upon its marvellous
beauty and cheapness, he dwelt upon the
awful consequences that would certainly
ensue should any one who had a chance to
get it, presume to bring up family with
out the support and assistance to be deriv-
ed from a perusal of that inestimable work.
Why, there was picture in it worth
ten times the price of subscription" and
hastily and dcxterously turning the leaves,
he discovered to my amused gaze a wood
cut, representing the family in the ark,
easily taking tea, surrounded by the won
dering representatives Of the animal king
dom. Mrs. Noah was brandshing dish
towel over the head of scampering and
would be-too familiar monkey, in the
fore ground, while an affectionate young
Shem, Ham, or Jeptha, was feeding the
elephant on crumbled gingerbread in the
background. Their costumes were strik-
ing and unique.
admitted that it was 4 lively and affect
ing scene. But we didn't want the book;
had more than we read now. Was | the
mistress of the house? was not. If she
were around he would find her. He took
his book in his hand and announced his
determination to explore the premises
He penetrated to the kitchen, Mrs. Minis
retreated to the smoke house loft, and
having locked the door on the inside, took
complete survey of the discounted agent
as he stood upon the back stoop and glared
fiercely around him. He returned to the
dining room and coolly sat down. He
descanted upon the awful degeneracy of
the times; he had hoped to do good and
make money both together. I merely re-
marked that those two birds were leetle
hard to kill with one and the same stone.
An hour went slowly by ere the agent
departed and Mrs. Minis came forth from
her hiding place. Suppressed wrath
cleaning from her little twnkling black
eyes and great drops of preparation stand
ing upon her troubled countenance. The
bread had soured, the custards were burn
ed to charcoal, all the machinery of well
ordered kitchen had got out Of gear during
her involuntary absence.
Then the tongue of Minis was loosed and
to me she poured forth the story Of her
wrongs and sut1erings at the hands of those
instruments of torture, called agents, sent
forth broadcast over the land by misguided
and unerring enterprise. The worst of it
was, she said that Minis was the easiest
gulled man in the world. Agents had cheat
ed them; has slept between her immaculate
sheets; eaten offer matchless bread without
remuneration and no mention ofrecompense
had ever been made. Their garnet she de-
clared to be miniature patent office, filled
with cast off machinery, patent contriv-
ences fit for nothing in reality but old
lumber. And one day in company with
Minis l visited it; l shall never forget
the sight-a twenty dollar sewing machine,
washer or two, patent churn, warrant
ed to bring butter out of skim milk in an
incredible short space of time, but time
would fail me to mention half the contents
of the garnet, of the man with mania
for buying patent things, for such is Minis.
But on the day of the book agent visit
Of which am telling you, as Mrs. Minis
was in the midst of her harangue enter,
Miller neighbor and congenial spirit, also
an enemy, and traducer, as well as victim
of agents, and forthwith she launched
forth against the whole tribe. There was,
she said, for instance, the tree man, the
musical instrument man, the patent clothes
line man, and last, but not least of these
irrepressibe nuisances, the Bible and tract
agent One of the latter had once de-
scended upon my friend Miller in the shape
of a masculine looking woman, who drove
4 blind horse to a rickety buggy; she ar
rived on the eve of a great snow storm,
and continued until in sheer desperation
Miller bought out her whole stock and
afterwards retailed it to the neighbors at
ruinous percentage.
The two ladies had about exhausted the
subject, and Mrs. Mifer had finally decd-
ed to lay off her bonnet and remain to
dinner, when footsteps and voices fell upon
our ears and looking up we beheld the
good humored, sunburnt countenance of
the master of the house, and just behind
him that irrepressible agent, advancing
into the kitchen with a smile on his face