Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-02-13
kindling Wood.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

You've MAN, when you have tew sarch
Webster's Dickshionary tew find words
big enuff tew convey yure meaning, yu
kan make up yure mind that yu don't
mean much.
Genuine grief IL like penitence, not
klamerous, but subdued; sorrow from
the hous tops and penitence in a market
place shows more ambishun than piety
About the best thing that experience
kan do for us liz teW learn US how tew en-
joy mizery.
The reazon viii so phew people are
happy in this world il bekause they mis-
take their boddys for their souls.
We are poor not from what we need,
from what we want; necissitys are not
only natral, but cheap.
This world IL phull of heroes and hero
ines, and the reazon viii 50 many Ov
them liv unnoticed IL bekause they adorn
every day life and not an ockashun
Vanity IL called disCreditabel pashun,
but the good things that men do kan Oft
ner be traced tew their vanity than teW
their virtew.
Man is lilly eddikated animal.
Don't never phrovesy, yung man, for if
VI phrovesy wrong nobody will forgit
it, and if yu phrovesy right nobody will
remember it.
Toung-tied wimmen are very skarse and
very valuable.
Excentricitys when they are natral are
sum lndlkashun of superior mind; thoze
who think different from others are apt
tew ackt different.
Vain men should be treated az BOYS
treat bladders, bio them up till they
bust
1t IL CRATE art tew be superior tew 9TH
ers without letting them kno it
Thare IL not only plum but there izvir
tew in harty latf animals kant laff and
devils won't
Don't never quarrel with a loafer.
Skurrility IL his trade; yu never kan make
him ashamed, but he IL sure tew make
yu.
| have alwus noticed that he is the
best talker whose thoughts agree with our
own
He who acquires wealth dishonesty liz
teW corrupt teW en- OY it.
Adversely IL the fire that tempers the
iron ov man into steel.
l never had man cum tew me for ad-
wise yet but what soon discovered that
he thought more ov hiz own opinyun than
he did ov mine.
Edukashun that don't learn man how
tew think IL like knowing the multiplika-
shun forwards but not backwards.
The only thing that we are positively
sure ov in this life seems to be the only
thing that we think Amt never agoing teW
happen, and that iz-death.
The man who never makes ennv blum
ders seldum makes emmy good hits.
Truth IL the only thing that Time can
not destroy and Eternity cannot dispense
with
Life il short, but if yu motifs the way
most people spend their time, yu would
suppoze that life was everlasting.
The great advantage ov good breeding
IL that 1t makes the phools endurable.
If yu want tew be good, all you hav
teW do is tew obey God, luv man, and
hate the devil.
1t requires more good Judgment to kno
when tew talk, than what tew say.
GOOD books, mi dear, are the best
friends yu kan hav; they never will cloy
and never will betray yu
r. A complasent man makes every ooudv
pleazed with him, and what IL more,
pleazed with themselves.
If we couldn't neither laff nor kry, what
kritters we should be-
When a man gifts so low down that he
IL willing tew be despised, he has tutched
bottom.
In crate crowds of persons, like CRATE
f1oks of birds, thare is mulch more noise
and chattering than sense.
Thare are but dredful phew people
who can talk ten minnits to yu without
Juggling into the conversation their bak
or stummik akes.-NeaD York Weekly.
A MAN bought some things at Meri-
den drug store the other day, the cost of
which was thirty cents, paying therefor