The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-05-30
sCrssoRrNes.


FRIDA AY..... ........e .......MAY 80, 1873.
scIssoRrNGs.
Joint acknowledgements.
Long DIVISION Separation for life.
The rose that all are praising-He-
roes.
A paper advertises for .'girls for
cooking"
A cellar under-ground-A defunct
tradesman.
A stamp you can't buy-The stamp
of gentleman.
Smoking will kill lice on plants,
but for boys comb is the best.
What musical instruments can one
see in a slow boiling potg-A dull
simmer,
States evidence-A wretch that is
pardoned for being baser than his
comrades.
Politeness il not only the cheapest
but the most powerful arguments !
kno ov.
Why is a sick cab-horse like o bad
playp Because it won't run. and
can't ssdraw.'
Highly improper-The U. s. Gov
ernment has just issued patent for
an Improvement in vices"
What is the difference between q
iailor and jeweler? One watches
cells, and the other sells watches.
A little boy in school gave one of
the best definitions ever given of
economy-''Paring potatoes thin. !"
A cynical lady, rather inclined to
flirt, says most men are like cold
very easy caught, but hard to get rid
of.
What is the difference between cleo
tricity and fool? One is simply
marvellous, the other is marvelously
simple.
No man should run when he may
walk, walk when he may stand, stand
when he may sit, or sit when he may
lie down.
We're in q pickle aow, said man
in crowd. A regular jam said an
other. Heaven preserve us, moaned
an old lady.
What is the difference between the
top of Bunker Hill Monument and a
song for one voice?-One's SO high
and the others solo.
"Keep 'em alive. boy; keep 'em
alive" said an old physician to his
young brother practitioner. dead
men pay no bills.
Doctor johnson used to say that
the habit of looking at the best side
of things was worth more than o
thousand pounds year.
A Missouri farmer being asked il
raising hemp was a good business,
answered 81 can sartin say; but its
surely better than being raised by it. .
A boy presents o mutilated bill in
a Hartford bake-shop. Little girl
who is acting chief clerk: ''My father
is very perpendicular about taking
torn bills"
Punch is responsible for the fol-
lowing: Q-What is the difference
between fixed stars and shooting
stars? A-The one are suns, the
other darters.
A man in Pittsburgh, Pa, who
committed suicide, is advertised fol
Identification as follows. Deceased
has a moustache, five feet seven
inches long"
An Irish editor says that, "In the
absence of both editors, the publish
ers have succeeded in securing the
services of gentleman to edit the
paper this week"
This question threatens to disinte
CRATE society at Lawrence, Kansas
Should a young man leave his music
lesson to split wood when his mother
is at home and perfectly well?
Indignation will fill the breast O
every artist when we state that twt
men were arrested In a lumber-yarc
the other day, because they wer.
suspected of adesign on wood"
AS SO many articles in every da,
use are manufactured of paper, it i
asked If paper beef-steak cannot b,
invented to take place of the leathel
ones so common at boarding houses
An aristocratic tailor is engaged II
in evolving suit of clothes to consis
entirely of cravat that will wini
about the body from neck to ankle
and be fastened with a diamond pin
A woman, called up to attend th.
dying bedside of a friend, was de
prived of the melancholy pleasure b,
the delay occasioned in borrowing |
breast-pin suitable for the occasion
A colored individual in Carlisle
KY, captured 25 skunks one nigh
recently. It was singular how peo
pie gave him one side of the stree
to himself when he took walk tn.
next day.
FREEMoNT's DIsCLAIMER.-Gen
John G. Fremont has written a lettel