The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-05-31
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

An exchange observes:
What n pity the Bender family, of Kansas,
hadn't located their hotel near Captain Jack $
lava beds. The Modoc tribe would now have
been buried.
We hear of an inventor who is hard at work on
q model for dog that can run along the top OF a
renee. He expects to wreak destruction on the
cats and become Weather than the Rothschds.
Decatur Republican.
At small town on the Louisville " Nashville
railroad the other day four able-bodcd white
men were seen in a field playing croquct, 1t
was" saws the Louisville Co,ricr-JOurnal, the
sublimest spectacle that an impoverished coun-
try ever beheld."
Tender handed stroke ncttlc,
And it stings you for your pains;
Grasp ii like a man OF mcttlc
And ii soft as silk remains"
oh Adage.
How would this plan workion red hot stove
or an angry wife?
a Florida alderman sold his vote for an oroide
chain and a circus ticket and his friends are nat
orally ashamed and indignant. They know that
he might have obtained Il jack-knifc in addition
by simply asking for it.
The Turf Fic'd and Fern says Of the Dixon
bridge disaster: If the people had been gath
cred to look upon boat race or view horse
race, some of the straight-laced would have
termed the accident an awful warning and vista
ton from Providence. As the people were con
gregated to witness the rite of baptism, the
deadful slaughter is simply pronounced dis
tressing."
1t is not rank or birth or state;
It's the get and get that makes men great,
II il not Smith lanes Brown.
But Enterprise that makes a town.
The above is all true enough, but how if town
q out of Enterprise?
When the Speaker of the Arkansas Legislature
ead that the gentleman from Clay county was
out of order, Clay county picked up an inkstand,
and offered to bet ten dollars he wasn't Speaker
dodged.-Ex.
This prompt and energetic manner Of determ-
ming an appeal from decisions of the chair has
its advantages. How many moments of useless
debate are by this means avoided.
The Speaker may find it more lively method
than the old one, and experiences in dodglng II
necessary accomplishment to first-class chair
man.
The Augusta Chronicle gives the following,
which may be beneficial to the subscribers Of
other papers: Delinquent subscribers should
not permit their daughters to wear this paper
for hustle. There being SO much due on 1t,
there is danger Of taking a cold"
Chas Heath Of Lockport was fined twenty dol
lars for hanging dead cat on neighbours gate
with malicious latent" 1t serves him right
Why didn't he use q string?
The La Sale Press calls Prof Willis Il "high-
toned rasper OF rosin and cat.gut and dignihcd
sawyer Of feline intestines," because he refused
20 play for a mixed danciug party.
The Press had better beware We have known
a newspaper to have an example made of it for
less Objectionable words. Have we grand jury
among us?
If you are counting girl, stick to IT,; no mat
ter how large her fathers feet are.
Susan b Anthony says she wouldn't be fright
ened at standing face to face with Satan.-Er.
Yes, but poor old Satan-what effect would it
have on himY
When wife in Turkey forgets to keep the sus-
pendcr buttons scwed on her husbands trousers
she is patted on the back for half an hour with
pine board an inch thick.
AID yet there are females who envy the con.
nubial felicity Of the hen Turks!
Those people who live to healthy old age are
those who take care Of themselves. There is one
in MattOon who guards against the frequent sud
den changes of weather by wearing at the same
time linen dusier and an overcoat. On cool
day he puts the overcoat over the buster, and
when sutry spell comes on he puts the buster
outside the oyercoat.
young lady OF this city was recently struck
with the uselessncss of her life and immediately |
went to work with yigor to learn plain sewing. |
At latest dates he had hpmmn1 npp side nf
towel which the proud parents have framed and
hung in conspicuous position in their parlors
--Nel1 York MAJ
The male party below referred to has a sympa
Lbizer in almost every house in this city:
A man whose wife has been III for some time
came down town one day with a face longer than
revised charter. \ friend who met him, grasp
ed him by the hand in fearful sympathy and muir
INJURED, oh, when did she die| 40, thunder
cleaning house.
\ Wilkinson county ga man became con.
NInCcd the other daY that a womau's tempcr l.
very irregular. He had been moulding some
bullets, and had neglected to cool of the ladlc in
which the lead had been melted. While he was
counting the bullets his wife came into the room
cumming tender love song. Suddenly the song
ceased, and the man was made aware that some.
Thing had happened by catching an adjacent
cOtiee-m mill on the bridge of his nose The linhap
by wife and mother had taken this picturesque
mode OF informing him that she had picked up |
the ladlc by the hot end.
The Truchee R,DHblio1R says that there il a |
rumOr 10 the effect that Captain Jack has divided
~ army Of fifty men into three divisions; the
Brst under the Captain, is TO capture and hold
California; the second is To sweep northward
and subduee Oregon, Will. the third forces It's
way over the mountains and sagebrush and de.
yastates Nevada and Utah.
i Cleveland tOhi0) woman rose so far superior
20 sex a. 10 fracture burglars skull with boot
JACK, but delayed giving an alarm till she could
put up her back hair and the intruder had
escaped.
The Louisville Journal, in speaking of Captain
, ack, says: His ideas in regard TO back pay
are uncertain, but he has way Of going for an
adyersary's back hair which is unpleasant, 10 say
the least OF IT,"
There are fifteen men in Peoria worth d trihe
Ierz than 81 600 (H0 saws the editor nf tle Rs,er