The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-11-06
Fun FOR OUR FRIENDS.

When does farmer work miracle
When he turns his horse to grass. IN,
Don't tell an editor how to run news
paper. Let the poor devil find it out him.
self.
To milk kicking COW. Stand off
about eight feet and yell $50, you darned
old skinflint !"
Why do honest ducks dip their heads
under water? To liquidate their little bills,
of course.
Why are your eyes like friends sepa-
rated by distant climes? They correspond
but never meet.
What is the difference between cloud
aud beaten child? One pours with rain,
and the other roars with Epain.
What is the difference between a
farmer and bottle of whisky? One hus-
bands the corn, and the other corns the
husbands.
A stuffed eagle seated on ballot box
ditto, is reported to have been the most
conspicuous object in American department
of the Vienna exposition.
A merchant who has class in Sunday
school asked, "What is solitude ~ and
was visibly disturbed when miserable
boy answered, "The store that don't adj
vertise."
An unstamped letter as deposited in
an Indiana postoffice last week, and UNDER
meath the address was the Endorsement,
''Let her slide, P. NJ, she's all hunk in.
side air one Of them post hole keerds."
A French custom-house officer, of an
inquisitive turn of mind, noticing the arrival
of large herd of rocking horses, wanted
10 find out what the animals lived on. He
opened several, and found their stomachs
full Of cigars.
-"Now, my boy" said a committee
man, eff had mince pie and should give
two-twelfths to Jacob. two-twelfths to
Harry, two-twelfths to Charley, and should
take half for myself, what would there
be left? Speak up loud so the peo-
pie can hear" ''The plate !" shouted the
boy.
"A boys teeth-ache generally COM
mences at eight a. M, reaches the highest
altitude at quarter to nine, when the pain
is intense to an extraordinary degree !; COM
mences to subside at nine, and after that
disappears with celebrity that must be
very comforting to the sufferer. If, at
night, that boy hasn't got four quarts
of walnuts spread out to dry up stairs, it is
because there is no place up stairs to
deit
The other day, at a concert, a gentle
man having put his hat upon chair to
keen place, returned to claim it after a
short absence. The hat he found, sure
enough, where it had been left, only there
was a stout lady sitting on it. Madam"
said he, ''you are sitting on my hat"
The lady blushed little, turned round,
and said in the blandest manner, "Oh, l
beg pardon! Pm sure thought it was my
husband's!'
Lawrence, Mass. is noted for its queer
women, and we pity this poor fellows
scalp when she does "get hold" of him.
Witness the following: 'Louis LABEL, my
husband, deserted me some four years ago,
and until recently / have been unable to
discover his whereabouts. Having learned
that he is living at Lewiston, or Biddeford,
Maine. where his relations reside, | take
this method of directing the attention of the
authorities in those cities to him, and re-
quest his detention until | can get hold of
m.-Mary LABEL"
"A good-looking freshman stopping at
hotel to warm imsef, inquired of the land
lord
"What is the news ?"
The landlord, disposed to run upon him,
replied
.'They say the devil IS dead"
"An sure,' says Pat, that's news in
dade."
Shortly after, he went to the bar, laid
down some coppers, and resumed his seat.
The landlord always ready for customer.
asked him what he would take.
"Nothing at all" says Pat.
"Then why did you put down this
money 2"
cam sure, sir, it's the custom in my
own country, when chap loses his daddy
to give him few eoppers to help him pay
for the wake"
On, L A