Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-12-25
BREVITIES.

New advice to the unemployed
"Young man, Key West. ~. 7. Com.
Adu.
THE bottom of well must be a
shocking bad place, for even truth is salo
to lie there.
WHEN man gets fearfully shot in Pi-
oche Cal, it is termed close punctuation
ofsanatomY.
THE habit of lying in bed too long is
bad, but the habit of lying out OF bed IS
great deal worse.
THE E0ensng Post says that house rent
has fallen thirty per cent. In chicago
since the panic.
ANTS on lawns have been checked by
using flour of sulphur, where boiling wa
ter cannot be used.
A BosToN lady says she has solved the
seryant-girl question. Her little son is
washing the dishes.
NEAR the Oreana mine, Nevada, are
three small lakes, in one of which no
bottom has been found.
A BARREL of oil is considered good
trade for a bushel of potatoes in some
parts of the oil regions.
THE best sauce in the world is hunger,
and as that is never wanting to the poor,
they always eat with relish.
AN Indiana lady held burglar by the
whiskers until her husband came home.
Burglars should shave often.
A DUBUQUE couple met on the horse
cars, he paid her fare; she smiled, and
they were married after dinner.
THE oil wells at San Fernando, Cal,
are flowing beautifully, and are to be pro-
vided with refining machinery immedi-
ately.
A CLERGYMAN at Oak Grove, Alabama,
publicly upholds dueling as the only way
one gentleman can get satisfaction OF an
other.
IT was nothing lofty or mysterious that
impelled A. Hamilton to suicide at wy
oming, Iowa. He only had the dys-
pepsia.
A FLORIDA colored boy, in the act of
eating sugar, was stung IN the mouth by
a bee and died from the effects of the
sting.
A NASHVILLE, Tenn, belle, whose beau
could not spare the time from his bust
ness, went and got the marriage license
herself.
ANY apt scholar can learn Greek or
Latin in from three to five years, but ten
years are required to make a professional
burglar.
IT is considered matter important
enough to chronicle, that nearly all the
Aldermen of Houston, Texas, can read
and write.
A YOUNG lady at Thomastown, Me-, re
Gently hung herself, and was smart
enough and honest enough to attribute the
act to dyspepsia
FLORIDA announces that when the sup
plv of invalid visitors is exhausted it can
make handsome living out Of its illlmit-
able oyster beds.
THERE are said to be twenty five hun
bred deserters from the United States
regular army scattered throughout the
Western country.
A KENTUCKY editor is reported to be
laboring under severe illness, caused by
falling into d pond and accidentally swal-
lowing some water.
THE lady who doesn't attend church
because she can't dress fashionably never
stays away from a hanging or horse
race on that account
MIKE loo, the pugilist, was so insult
ing to a Justice of the Peace at Red
Wing, Mimi, that the magistrate knocked
him down with a chair.
A CONNECTICUT clergyman having quar-
relied with his organist and choir, takes
tuning fork with him into the pulpit and
leads the singing himself.
MANY farms in Colorado Territory are
being exclusively devoted to the raising
of chickens and turkeys, and the business
is becoming very profitable.
TALK about your marble mantels as an
ornament! Why, there is nothing in the
TO who a
warm blood mantles in her checks.
OUT of fourteen men sitting in Gin
cinnati hotel office not one could explain
what ''antidOte" means. One thought it
was person. who dotted on his aunt.
CINCINNATI is asking itself whether it
is the correct thing for C well-knOwn Ia
dies Of high social position" to frequent
lager-beer saloons unattended by gentle
men
A PHILOSOPHER says that "a true man
never trets about his place in the world,
but Just slides into it by the gravitatiOn of
his nature, and swings there as easily as
star"
MISS ROXEILANA Romans, of Brooklyn,
who took $4,000 out of Mr.. Earle for
breach Of promise recently, is not happy.
She has got Sc, 900 left after settling with
iicI
4 PENNSYLVANIA farmer who had
boarded $4,000 in greenbacks in various
places about his house, recently found
| that $4,000 had nodded so as to prevent
identification.
DUBUQUE housewives made up a meet
ing, and resolved to reduce the wages of
their servant girls. They do their own
| washing now, and are not perfectly de-
| lighted any more.
ANTWERP CITY, mushroom village in
the oil regions of Pennsylvania, has
| passed away. The inhabitants put their
| houses on wheels and removed them to
more lively localities.
THE Otoe Indians, residing along the
! Big Blue in Kansas and Nebraska, desire
| to sell their reservation and remove to the
Indian Territory. They have one hun
dred and sixty thousand acres.
THE Second Adventists of Terry Island
have disbanded and gone home instead of
going up as they expected, but still cling
to the belief that the end of the world
will come before the end of the year.
THE Supreme Court of California has
| decided that the taxation of a mortgage
on land, or the money secured thereby,
and the taxation of the land, is double
taxation, and therefore unconstitutional
DANIEL ANDREWS, a rich old resident OF
| Delaware, died the other day, and in his
will cut his brother off with six cents, be
cause the aforesaid brother once pulled
| away chair, and let Daniel have the