Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02
Envy no one.

A powerful jackscrew-Captain Jacks
crew.
"Home-sweet. sweet home" as the
bee said when he entered his hive.
Rather than die without a groan let
me groan without a die. A Ward
Some men are like cats. You may
stroke the fur the right way for years,
and hear nothing but purring; but acci-
dentally tread on the tail. and all men,
ory of former kindness is oblteratcd.
Mark Twain, few months after his
first baby was born, was holding it on
his knee His wife said, "Now confess,
Samuel, that you love the child!' 81
don't do that replied the humorist,
''but l am willing to admit ! respect
the little thing for its fathers sake
The family and friends of St..Louis
man while holding a wake over what
they supposed was his corpse, were some
what astonished by his walking in alive
and vigorous, and considerably excited
over telegram he had received announ-
cling his death.
A cold, pale ghost is in the habit of
visiting the kitchen of Detroit house,
each night at midnight, and there cook
ing himself a square meal. He tries to
bamboozle the tenants of the property
with the story that when he was man,
he was murdered in that very kitchen.
There is class of malicious, prating
gossips. both male and female. who MUIR
der character to kill time, because they
are incapable of sustaining any other
sort of conversation. Without any
mental resources themselves, they fly to
cackling about their neighbors, as the
only resort for breaking. the painful ST.
lence of ignorance and stupidity.
A new era in the history of American
horse-racing is to be inaugurated at Long
Branch this season. Admission to the
field is to be free to the general public,
and an admission fee is to be charged to
the grand stand and quarter-stretch.
This is a very decided step toward MAX
ing horse-racing as much of popular
sport in the United States as it has long
been in England.
"Where is your house ?" asked a
traveller in the depths Of one of the "old
solemn wildernesses'' of the Great West.
House? amt got no home "Well,
where do you live % 81 live in the
woods-sleep on the Great Government
Purchase, eat raw bear and wild turkey
and drink out of the Mississippi" And
he added; "It is getting too thick with
folks. You re the second man | have
seen within the last month: and l heal
there is whole family come in abou
fifty miles down the river, and | am 90
ing to put into the woods again. y
The wife of the superintendent o
schools at Alamakee county. Michigan
, published the following spicy notice a
Lansing: Whereas, my husband, T. T
Healey. has, without just cause or prov
ocation, voluntarily deserted my bed an,
board, and is spending all his time il
visiting the female teachers of this coun
ty; now this is to caution the public
and especially the females above mer
toned, not to harbor or credit him, as
!; will pay no debts of his contracting"
iT 3r A nice old man, a vegetable gardener
IS called at newspaper office the other da
i and inquired very anxiously if the editc
IS had seen anything in the papers recentl
!, about worm that was doing much dan
J; age to celery. i intended, said he; q
: ! have raised good deal of celery th
year, but durn me if | think It'll pa
if that burned celery grub that starte
an at Washington while since, about VIII
ir- I've heern so much on, is coming tn
way A light dawned on the editor
mind-the Salary Grab