, 1873-11-09
HUMCI3

A handsome thing in ladie2 hoBo-A neat lit
"A Dubuque banker dropped two-cent pioco
in tho consrbution-box, and took out . cent for
"ditcount."
Tho man who spont most of his time 1T the
village tavern Nas uot quito weil-he WAS inn
disposed.
--"1 Is tho Colonel hore7' shouted man,
sticking his head into Kausas City strset-ear.
"He is," anawerod thirteon mon as thoy roae up.
"A photographer iu Gloucester has boon NJ
meekIy and innoceatly. :. How long docs it take
to set photograph after you leave your meaa-
a superior quality Of champagne is now
made with petroleum as the chi0f ingredient.
The manufacturers claim that it is the boHt that
llaB ever benzine.
Father Bo7io, Of Washington, addressing
school on the subject OF Enator celebration 4
Ss ge s ss?sd 81 str 5 Ts9sF Reyo gha is
no doubt. MISS" repllsd tie father quietly.
-Caioraft frequently remarks In converBa-
tioa; q ! never killod anybody; it's their own
Moral reelection for tho young man OF tho
pcriod-Diseipated acquaintances arc not to be
confoundcd with fast friends,
What Ia tho difference between an old hat
on stick and money with 3 spond:htnt One
scaros ctows, the other grows scarce.
-l4e pittnburgh Commercial Hays Sake and
Holmes are two Of the wlttiest OF American
poets but thoro ia one who is Whittier. puts in
tho Boston i'0S&.
If much more fuss Is mado about this
Chaulbord bunlnasa, there arc those amongst US
who will begin to think the whole affair = real
boro.
Just because \ young man in Evansville
soughed up gold dollar F,eceutly that he sTai-
speak boastingly Of thoir "ooughera Of gold"
"A passenger On an Ohio railroad, aroused
from serene elumbsr by ths footing Of whistle,
o1oamea lin dps destm!a1t "Tho train has caught
At = recent tca-party in the Highlands. i
young man who had boon rotating his more than
wonderful exploits in yarloua parts Of tho globe
was not nttle aet back by tho remark Of an old
traveller: "Young mau, amt ron ashamed to
talk 20 when there are older liars at tho table? ?"
-"You needn't como On Saturday night, or
any other night, was the soothing remark
written in dsioats fomRle characters on n postal
card which winged }ts way through the Leaven-
worth Post Oiice tic other day.
"A good lady, who on the death Of her first
husband married. 4is brother, has portrait OF
u oT ss9a
that mombor OF tho family7" oh that's
my poor brother-in-law," was the ingenious
a Missouri girl, on her weadlng-day sold
her piano and bought . Bewing-machino and
material enough for q suit for her husband and
heruclf, and 1t once sot to work making them
up. Her husband blowod it. In two weelts hes
four aiatera were Ill married.
in Illinois has utterly ruinod his business by
causing to be inserted in d largo number Of
papers picture Of the building, with two girls
standing On tho balcony NTH last years. hats on
their heads.
An Observation-Disclosures entored Troy shoe
store the other. day, and wantea his hoy meas
ured for .pair OF shoes. - But where's the
boy?" nekod the dealer. "Thunderl" said the
get him !" and on Lie started for his house, si1
blocks away.
"A lager-bees house In Hudson County, New
Jersey. was formerly church. The hhrewd
Teuton who now keeps It WAS about to erase an
inscription painted oVor tho door, but on seoond
thought he loft the laBt line untouched It ia !:
Let him that iH athlrst come"
The latent physiological discovery ia that tho
human liver distils nlcohol from tho food as 1t
paaseB through tho eystem. This is something
non in those parts, sure enough. We know Of
! several dihtillers who aro good liyers, but wo
never heard Of liver that was good disti11er
beforo.-ErankJ0rt lconan.
-" Gontlemen," Huid an auotlGneer, who WAS
aolling plece Of land, u this ia the most de-
lghtfu land. 1t is tho easiest lind to cultivate,
1t is 80 lfghs 80 very light. Mr. Parker will cor
roborate my statement ho oVus the ncxt patcl,
and he will, tell YOU how eusy it s worked. Yes,
gontlenlen, said Air. Parker, it III very easy to
work. but it fs plaguey sight easer to gather
tho Crops"
A decidedly rough-looking individual applied
tor oY as o4eE Of 1oS , not sa
| manage = nchool?'' inquired the oIalniuer.
"Weil. guess so,". seid the applicant impor:-
| turbAbiy. "lf can't. can knock the spota out
OF tho Youngsters" Tho vacancy still exists. :.
=" How do.you get along 2" said devoted
wife to her husband. = downtown merchant, in
tho midst Of tho panic. Oh I shall Uoather
tho storm, but wish had only few hundred
| dollars more. It would be very convenient, to
say the least" !" Don't you wish you had mar
ried rich wife ?" Haid aho, In y teasing way
| thon rising and goEng to llor room she returned
with rather more than the amount roquirol in
United statos bonds; ~ why, where IN tue
husband. "woll, my dusr, you went to oharn-
pasae.suEpor aoyon years sao, and on your re-.
diilouIt, deposited. hat, shoes, gloves, and !
largo roll Of bank-bills on tha carpet. + put It
away, aud waited threa weoaa for you to inquire
II had seen IT,. Wl,on finding you wore
ashamed to do 70, invested 1t aud Aere you
| laYo it,"
Famine In Ohlhualaun. NIOxtco.
tfvt4 ~ ~ PIsp K1mtinsl, Oct. Is,
Ne loarn that mn order has baen issued by the
| authorities Of chihuahua, prohibiting tho OK.
unrtatfon nf nnrn Whnat ntif1 hannA tn tEa 1fnfaH