Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1873-03-13


Conn. Neus. The local reporter is quaint
: genius, whose writings are generally admired
for their good-natured wit and lively appre-
citation of the paragraphizing mania of the
present age: ........
O,,for thousand beavers to dam this mud.
The great need of the times is copper-toed
pants. u 0....
Numerous boys with worms are off fishing
this week.
The man who can't afford to take news
paper paid So for another dog, Saturday.
1t takes two boys to 60 to school now-a-
days-one to study and the other to carry he
books. ..
The Michigan newspapers are full of items
the price of shot guns having been reduced
to So. .... -.... ..-
Partridges in Beaver Brook are tame
enough to eat from the hand-when properly
cooked.
It is kindly said ola Rochester corpse that,
although married man, he was not addicted
to profanity. ...... .# ...
Pocket pincers for young men to feel of
their moustaches with, are new and value
able invention.
The terrors of death were somewhat mod
flied in the past week by the presence OF a
bag-piper in town. a.. ..r'
A GENTLEMAN from Ireland being asked by
a New York belle if he admired small waists,
responded, "not in the laced"
A Brookfield girl dares not use her fathers
paper to make up her ebay window with,
because there is SO much due on it.
Since the advent of home made bustles we
don't have any ladies calling at this Office
for old newspapers for pantry shelves. T.
! A guileless Danbury man saw beautiful
chrome advertised 'for fifty cents" and sent
on the money, and received the Jack of
| Clubs. ''
To the anxious inquiry, "How shall we
keep our boys in nights ~ we would respect
fully suggest a total abstinence from unrtpe
fruits. .....-~ 1855. .....s
The weather bureau at Washington has
been secured by the indefatigable Gilmore,
and will contribute thunder storm to the
Jubilee. u .rsat
A man adyertises for competent person
to undertake the sale of new medicine,
and adds that it will prove highly lucrative
to the undertaken.
Through the facility of our divorce laws
and the thoroughness of cholera morbus, a
Danbury man is permitted to call six men by !
the name of father"
We are rather proud of the solemn appear
ance of our clerks. We don't believe one
of them would laugh if he saw any body fall |
down and break his leg
They must have had the mumps in viru-
lent form up in Sherman. Every other per-
son one meets on the street looks as if he had |
been guessing at the weight Of a mule.
The Terra Haute. Gazette man was once a
cook on a canal boat. The boys in the Office
say it's fun to suddenly yell Glow bridge" and
see him dive frantically under the desk.
We didn't think there was anybody so in
sane as to practice on holiday with pistol
loaded with lead, but as there is such a per-
son in Danbury, we hope he may he caught
and respectfully buried.
A Danbury man was explaining to his wife
Sunday morning how his mother used to cook
pan cakes, when she interrupted him with
the batter pitcher. He is now experimenting
with new kind of salve. |,
A South street boy can make one hundred
and sixty-fve ''faces' without sitting down.
The feelings of his brOken-hearted father. |
when reaching for him with a strap, can bet :
ter be imagined than described. |,
The boy that goes in swimming at the rail ,
road bridge with nothing to conceal his 1
nakedness but mole on his back is respect
fully requested to either give up that habi-
or change that mole to the front.
A choral association forming here wants
somebody to lead them. The people who ,
live next door to where they rehearse are
equally anxious for somebody to lead them;
and the further he leads them the better these {
outraged people will feel. ......I i
The man id Danbury who enjoys the most /
sympathy, is he who chased a runaway team 9
for half amile and finally succeeded in head :.
ing it off, only to discover the driver in the 1
carriage looking very much astonished at d
the hallcoing and painting rescuer. = .ln f
AGreenwich man has invented something 4
that goes into COW or horse and brings out ;,
snything like an apple or potatoe that may :
be misplaced. A good deal of enjoyment in
an animals eating is marred by the appre- s
hension of accidents in swallowing. The Il
Greenwich mans invention will be apt to give \
the animal more confidence. .Tsft. .,f r..
10 A. Ballnforth avenue man was observed 60
ing up home this morning with gun that
will carry atleast an ounce ball. As he lives p
next door tOla young man who is learning to O
play Rory Moore on pair of symbals, We
have thought it best to print an extra number
lf copies of our next issue. Orders left at :
he. news stands or this Office will be promptly p
attended to. =" 7io'F i'+41 -2iA7ti v
"How much is that pie plant ?" said q b
awellcf Of faq quiet district to vender Of the 6
material Saturday evening. s'Sixty cents, ~ >
the dealer. j How much?" whis- e
pered the dweller, struggling to catch his p
breath. sSSiirty cents, repeated the accom-
nodatitg merchant. l"Can il be possible
here isa just heaven above us?" murrnured '.
Ehe stranger. ssYes sir, said the vendcr, 50