The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1873-06-02
IIUMOR.

| The bACk'p8y COnuuuE uuA- NuP'
The article chiefly sold OF most fancy
fairs-The visitor.
Though an honest merchant is plain
dealer, carpenter Is deal planer.
The only feathers in tho Lava Beds
are those worn by the ModOcS.
Generally "out on the tiy."-The
spider.
The reason why Psgaus are 80 far
behindhand in the march OF civilization
Is because they are such idol people.
An Indian summary wlsh-That the
Warm Spring Indians will give tho Mo-
docs an early Fall.
-"Who breaks pays .7his does not
apply to railroads, as they pay men TO
brake.
-"He Is dead but he pays just as well
as he ever did," was. the reply the Belfast
Journal got to dunning letter.
"A prudent man, says a witty French.
man, Is like pin; his head prevents him
from going too far.
Shakespeare would never have asked,
whats in an aim 2 il he had been hit on
the head with brick.
Maternal: Little woman Outgoing
her new dolD, "Isn't she darlingS Ia
give her TO you, only-she's my own"
What best describes and most i'm
pedes Christian pilgrims progresst a
Bunysn (bunionl.
What is the difference between bsyo-
nets and bulletsS Bsyonets arc driven,
but bullets are lead. ...
"A drunken Toledo man wrote on the
wall of his cell: slug not, that ye be not
jagged" -
What is the difference between the
engine driver and passenger who has
lost the trainH One is right in front and
the other left behind.
Says the minister, ct q marriage, to
farmer: Our joint occupations represent
the chief excellence Of life. "You till, l
tie" (Utility)
When q man has trouble he takes to
drink, but when y woman meets with q
misfortune she merely goes over TO her
mothers and takes tea. "a
"A missing man was lately advertised
for and described as having q Roman
nose. he won't be found. Such a nose
as that will never turn up. .r..-,
Sunday schools have been running In
indianapolis for fifty years. and eight out
OF ten Of the male citizens wink when
they call for soda.water.
Tho dying words Of great men be.
spangle the pages OF history as stars be-
spangle the sky. Those Of Captain Jack
may readily be anticipated: "Put me In
my little lava,bed."
1t is reported that a Juvenile dandy
said 10 fair partner OF Boston ball ::
miss, don't you think my moustsches
becomingP" To which Miss replied:
"Well, yes, but they haven't arrived"
We notice that the agricultural ed
itor" Of one OF our exchanges advises bis
readers 10 "plant their peas in the new OF
the moon" We advise our readers TO
plant their peas in the grOund.-B0S0n
i0Il.
"A woman out West interiered with
her brothers courtship, and begged him
to stay at home evenings. He waited
until The evening when she expected her
lover and complied, and she says frater-
nal affection is a heartless mockery.
Sense and senslbillty: you've heard
about the poor dear DuchcssG Isn't 1t
too awful ?" at Is, indeed. Did you hap
pen to know Her Grace?" "Well-er-
now mo mora did II Happy thought
let US try and bear up"
As rich and pretentious shoddyite
was looking at some paintings which he
purposed " buy, the dealer pointed to a
fine one, and said. "There Is dog after
l.andseer." as It, reallyP exclaimed
the pretender. "Whst Is the dog after
him iOr?"
AT recent examination ofcandidates
for tho Civil Service, one Of the questions
propounded was "What clerical expert
ence have you had, II any?" To this one
aspirant had appended his written an
swer-" Lutheran. Another wrote:
"Methodist-a little"
"A NAN out West who married q
widow has invented device to cure her
OF Externally" praising her former hus-
band. Whenever she begins 10 descant
on his noble qualities, this ingenious No.
merely says: "Poor, dear man How
l wish he had not diedT' and the lady
Immediately begins to think Of something
else to talk about. s-.-......-