The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1873-02-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

THE ready-money system Dun Or bv
done.
An ingenious farmer brought turkey N
shot in its crop.
JOSH BILLINGS says, knowing nov u
sit square on bile, without hurting, IA one
of the lost arts
A PENNsYLv4NIA editor excuses his lAcA
Of knowledge ~ figures BY saying that
figures won't lie
ZEB CRUNHEr wonders Why poor people
are never afflicted With kleptomania. W.
call it stealing, then.
A YOUNG man who w.s crossed in love
attempted suicide recently BY taking a dose
Of yeast powder He Immediately rose
above his troubles.
WORTHY pastor What, not remember
your catechism, my boy you Re better fed
than taught, | think" Boy-"E-s sir
you teaches me. but father feeds me-
DENNIS O'SHUNNEssY advertises a. fu-
lows in the Columbus Republican II
hereby give notice that my wife Bridget
has left my bed and board and that | Will
not pay her debts, as We are not married 30
'hf - ~ hShtl "a FEbuCHulhn OF "a
Switzer, Y that you Swiss always tight fur
money, while this French only fight for
honor n IA suppose, answered the Swiss
i that each fights for what he most lacks
"WHAr countryman are you 20 inquired
N English nobleman ~ a vagrant. IAN
lFlshman, please your honor His lord
ship asked, Were you ever at sea W
Come, your honor" answered Paddy,
dye think | crossed from Dublin III 4
wheelbarrOw ?"
THE Christian 4drpcdfe says "Com-
mend us 10 that Baptist brother who, un
gong into the water t1 be baptized, replied
to the suggestion that he had better take
his pocketbook out Of his pocket during
the ordinance, NO, want my pocket
book baptized with me
A CRAZY man having got into the gallery
of the Senate Of the United States during
a rambling debate, was taken out, the Ser
geant-at arms telling him he was "out ri
place IN that gallery"
That's 50, said the Iunatic; III ought
to be on the floor with the Senators
Sire, one word, said 4 soldier one day
to Frederick the Great, when presenting IL
him a request for brevet Of lieutenant
''lf you say two, answered the king. ''I
will have you hanged.
Sign, replied the soldier.
The king stared, Whistled, and signed
"A sCHoOLMAsTEK tells the following good
one 81 was once teaching IN 6 quiet coun-
try village. The second morning of the
session had time to survey my surround
ngs and among the scanty furniture /
espled a three-legged stool
ills TINS the Ounce block i' asked uf a
little girl of five.
The dark eyes sparkled. the curls nodded
assent, and the lips rippltd out
a guess sO-the teacher always sits WV
UsURY.-Usury, modernly called intgl-
est, IL subtle system " such mighty
power that it oyerrules and falsihes ali
human affairs. Il leads directly 10 extrav-
agancc and protligacy On the one hand aud
to poverty and degradation ia the other
Even at one per cent, unrighteously CIV
ING ten thousand year ~ amy millionaire,
from the hard earnings of honest labor. the
power of the system to injure and oppress
would still be sufficient to subvert moral
principle, and prevent the establishment
OF truth and righteousness among men.
Justice demands that We no longer Tolerate
or by our silence sanction system ~ such
unlimited wickedness -Edicdrd Palmer.
THoUGHrS DURING HAIR-cuTTING.-N
he cut ii we'll, or shall look al object for
the next ten days win he ask me how
would like it cut VIII he talk to me
Viii he blow upon me Will liz snip a
bit of my ear VIII he prick my lip when
he trims my mOustache Will he tell me
that my hair is getting rather thin at the
top VIII he ask me whether have tried
or would like to try, their marvellous bal
sam, OF their wonderful wash. or their un-
rvalled restorative Will he ask INV
whether ! will he shampooed VIII thv
brushing business bring tearsinto my eyes
Will he part my hair on the wrong side
VIII uncomfortable hairs get between my
collar and my neck Will he not, when
all is over, say, "Will there be anything
for the toilet !'- Punch.
LIGHrMIsrAKE.- The gentleman who
does the Annnaias and Saphira business on
the Terre Haute Eypyess says that citv
minister opened his front door suddenly.
and surprised guilty looking man, who
Was Just ~ the act " depositing a neatly
covered basket on the doorstep. The
meeting wasnot rapturous ''Ah =" said tho
a mister, rushing out and grasping the man
by the collar, while he Piled heavy sOled
boot vigorously under the coat tail Of his
visitor, what Do You mean. you villain.
by leaving a baby Oh my doorstep Ah.
have you, scoundrel ''TlI show YOU how
to abandon an infant to the cold mercies of
the world. And All these remarks wore
| pdnctuated Nv kicks 'I haint left any
baby at your door, said the man. taking
up the basket and lifting the cover. .I
| brought right fat turkey fur yuu but
I'm id if you shall have It nov, il YOU
were star, ny, and he walked away.