Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-09-05
Report of Man who Kept House
While His Wife was off for
the Summer.

w LIZA z HIS w llC was OA AOA
the Summer.
My wife has gone away for the summer
and left me in full charge of the house.
like it havn't had such run Of hbert,
since we were married I hope she is hav
ing COED time, for I can now exercise my
rights as the head of the family. Can't dt
it when she's at home she'll not stand it
She has rules and makes everybody abou
toe the mark. But I've got her now, and
| am having things my own way.
This morning came home quite early
1t was 2 A. NJ I'd been to the club and
got caught in the rain. For half an hour
| couldn't find the key hole, which must
have got mislaid. felt for it everywhere,
and even got down into the yard and exam.
ined every brick. but couldn't find it.
was in the act of calling one Of my neigh-
bors, and asking him who had carried Of
my front door, when I happened to find it
and got into the house.
In the dark kcket over spittoon, but
luckily didn't get any of the tobacco juice
on my boots Ihung my oyercoat and UNI
brella on prong of the chandelier, let them
drip on the parlor carpet, went up stairs
and turned in with my boots on I thought
it wasn't worth while to pull them off, as |
would have to get up in eight or ten hours
anyhow Il my wife had been at home
she'd have had me looking an hour for the
boot jack, and I would have lost that amount
of rest which my system so much needed
Besides, she'd havo made me give full &C.
count of myself, which I don't like to do.
| never did believe in praising myself. It's
better to let others speak Of ones virtues
can now wear shirt week aud it's nobo-
dy's business. [ don't see how ever did
get along with that woman. The idea of
having to put on clean shirt, black my
boots, and brush up my clothes every morn
ing, is simply ridiculous. 1t is a miracle
to me how l ever did it and attend to my bu.
siness. | now read the morning papers
without being forced to see an impatient
woman standing with her dress in one hand,
looking very miserable, and finally telling
me she is going down town and wants that
paper Any one, to look at the house now,
would know there's no woman about, every
thing is so comfortable and quiet and handy
II | want to do little figuring, [ don't
have to hunt up a pencil, or pen and ink,
but [ just sit down to one OF the tables and
do it with my finger, and there's nobody to
be eternally welding busting brush around
my head and telling me to get out of the
way until the house is cleaned up There
are considerations that every man should
ponder over. But when we do ponder and
resolve, what good does it do ? Not bit.
If these women can't have everything just
their own way, they swoon off into hyster-
les. AS consequence. we have to pay a
fifty dollar doctors bill, and stay in the
house all day, tanning them and promising
in the end that eve may be happy yet" be-
fore they show any disposition to compro-
mise. Our wives are petted too much -
And this reminds me that mine won't yield
to any other treatment undertook to
prescribe a more stringent remedy to her
one day, but it threw her into fit more like
jim jam than anything | knew of. She
broke every plate in the house over my
head and then had to kiss her before she
would promise not to do it again. That's
what makes me say she is set in her ways.
There, too, are the piano and guitar
which she kept going from morning until
midnight, filing the whole neighborhood
with discordant sounds which she called
music. Both are as mute as the bird cage
which was vacated last week by strategic
movement of the cat
The 300 pots of flowers she left me to cult.
vate, don't think will produce much of
crop. They're nearly all ripe now and
there's no sign Of flower yet. I have wa.
tered them twice since she left, but it did
no good [ reckon they miss her and are
pining away because she amt here. In this
respect they do not resemble ME to any
alarming extent
Our kitchen never looked better. The
stove and pipe have assumed beautiful red
tint, and the pots are bringing forth fine
crop of white looking vegetable mould which
| haven't learned the name of, but she'l
know it when she comes. The dishes don't
look quite as bright and clean as might, but
the flies are bad this year, and if [ were to
wash them every two weeks they wouldn'
present respectable appearance.
Notice to the editor Please suppress
that article | sent you about my Spell Of
Single Blessedness. The old woman has
got back