Holmes County Republican. [volume] (Millersburg, Holmes Co., O. [Ohio]) 1870-1895, 1873-03-27
The Styles of Drunkenness.

A temperance paper, published in th'
South, elassifies, after a new method
the various styles of drunkenness now
prevailing in the land. This classified
ton is made on the peculiar character
istics manifested by different men when
in a state of intoxication. Like the
laughing gas, spirituOus liquors, when
taken in considerable quantities, exhibit
the true character of the man, and es-
pecially bring to notice his distinctive
personal traits; and we agree with the
Southern Organ, that one. of the most
foolish things a man can do is TO allow
himself to be drunk, and thus exhibit
the worst points or traits of his nature.
The classification made by the Organ is
somewhat after the following style:
MONKEY DRUNK,
Wherein man grins, makes all sorts
of grimaces, leaps or dances, looks silly,
and thinks himself well rewarded if he
can but excite the laughter of his fel-
lows.
REAR DRUNK,
When he becomes sulky, growls, NUT
ters and grumbles at everything and
everybody. Sometimes wants to put
his huge arms around you or lay his
hands upon you, and would fain hug or
paw you as would bear; then looks
sleepy, walks sluggishly, and finally
becomes so bearish that nothing but a
fight will satisfy him.
TIGER DRUNK,
When, in his own estimation, he can
wrestle with Ajax, fight with Samson,
and jump over the moon. His eyes
lash with nothing but blood can salts
fy. This unfortunate creature generally
winds up his drunk by abusing his wife
and children, and quarreling with his
best neighbors and friends.
HOG DRUNK,
When he rolls i'm the mud and filth
when the ditch or sewer is as good a
,ouch to him as a feather-bed, and
when he grunts and wishes for more
lrink as swine do for more swill.
DOG DRUNK,
When he snaps and snarls, shows his
eeth, runs this way and that way, and
'etokens madness to such an extent as
o suggest the necessity of a straight
acket, or of knocking him on the head
o prevent the spread of hydrophobia.
HOUND DRUNK,
When he whines and weeps, would
,rasp your hand, would lean upon you,
you in the excess of his loves.
lie loves you very much, says you are
lis best and dearest friend, would fight
or you, risk his life for you, do any
hing for you. This poor creature is to
e pitied. Whisky seems to have soft
ned his brain, if, indeed, he had any |
rain, and made complete fool of him,
rovided he were not fool by nature.
OWL DRUNK,
n which the unfortunate creature is |
ain to suppose that the wisdom of the
world centres in himself. He knows it |
IL, can bear no contradiction, pities the |
ignorance of all contradictors, and
ooks on them with ineffable contempt |
nd disgust. You must not differ with |
i'm in politics, or law, or religion, COM
lerce or manufactures. You must not |
iffer with him in anything, for he
nows it all, and all about it. Then
gain, he is the richest man i'm all the
ountry, has the best farm or house, is
ding the best business, has the lowell
st wife and smartest children, the finest
orses, and fiercest dogs, and the best
f everything else worth having at all,
nat can be found anywhere or among
ny people on the face of the earth.
here is nothing to be compared to him
r to his, and if you dispute it you make
mortal enemy. You can not teach
i'm anything. Solomon was a mere
hid to him, and all others whom the
Torld has esteemed as wise and great
re, in his estimation, mere waits on
he current of time, and not to be COM
ared with his august self. The only
ray to manage such poor ninnies is to
1t them alone severely, pay no atten-
ion to them, which perhaps is the great
st modification to which you can sub
,ct them.
FOX DRUNK,
Thom whiskey makes smart, cunning,
rafty, ready to utter and swear to the
roadest contradictions, always ready
, trade, to run a race, swap horses, or
fer bets upon anything, or in any
nm.
These are the classes in which the Or
IN categorizes drunkar,ls. We have
iven the classes and the substance of
he remarks thereupon, not, however,
l the precise language of the Organ.
May there not be added to the above
mother class, which, for the sake of
niformity, may be styled the
DONKEY DRUNK,
therein he looks dull, stupid, silly,
eepy; his lip hangs down and his eye
Ills expressionless he moves in a slow,
'ttering, irregular gait. and disgusts
very decent man with his stupid nom
.nse-is Il laughing stock for silly and
l-mannered boys, and the shame of his
mily and friends?
The classification given above is, We ;
ust confess, more forcible than classic
], and more pointed than elegant, and
lie point can easily be seen.
offerings of an Ohio Family
Going West.
Some weeks since 4 family consisting