The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-07-26

the Obvious application:
They don't have any ldeliuqucnt tax list witt
notices in Ashtabula county, Ohio, They pay
Iheir taxes, aud here's what comes Of it. One o
:he residents Of that county set out TO ride TO the
county seat, the other day, to pay his assessment
and while on the road was struck by Lightning
and killed.
The following contains no moral At all; j. i
lust plain business horse sense:
For towns must grow, and trade increase,
By nerve and enterprise,
And they who live must have the pluck
To risk and advertise.
There are men in our town
Who do not advertise:
Good customers 90 past their doors,
The CHEEKY cash likewise.
And when they post their books at night,
They're the saddest men in town,
And ever and anon they moan.
The place is going down"
The romantic sentiment which leads people tc
have the marriage ceremony performed in thea
tres and on the top of mountains has rcachcdthC
jast degree of absurdity. The sum of twenty
live dollars was paid by a high minded couple in
Iowa last week for the precious privilege OF be.
ing married in II circus ring, the clown and the
'Wild Horse Of the Pampas' being temporarily
cytinruishcd for that purpose.
In a collection Of notable epitaphs we publish.
Cd few weeks ago, the following was omitted:
Aye tenderlv close his cyelids,
In the sleep Of the tyrant death,
Composing his cold lids sadly,
With tears and batcd breath
The Clods may above him harden,
With the turf or the chilling snow,
Oh, bury your dog in the garden,
He'll make the cabbages grow.
When a crowd of jayhawkers started dstur.
Lance in a Texas church the other day the
prcacherraised up shotgun and said civilian
Dello, sit down, or I'll make it painful for you"
William sat down and was as quiet as a lamb.
The Boston Post notices the case of a little boy
who was nearly drowned in barrel of white
wash, and consoles him with the remark that
"When he grows upand becomes a Philadelphia
politician, he will take daily bath in that kind
Of stuff without minding it,"
The total absence of boot jacks pOmatum pots
and other household missiles in the remains Of
the Swiss lacustrinc villages, leads DR.. Hart
mann, the distinguished cthnoIogist, to the con
cluslon that the domestic cat was unknown to
prehistoric man.
The editor Of a Georgia exchange Is in agony
because a compositor set up ii will not pay our
readers to raise boys" when the editor says he
wrote hogs"
\. !. Stewart, the merchant nabOb, has sailed
for Europe. The World deyotes a column to
describing how he rode TO the wharf, stepped on
board the steamer, sat down in the cabin, &C.
but as Mr. :. don't pay us for doing it, as he
doubtless does the other fellow, we can't afford
to print the interesting details.
4 Lafayette editor was scandalized by four
finely formed female disrobing and bathing in
the rushing river few hundred rods from his
office window. But having received "dcad.
head field glas, he has laid aside the scolding
pen and INDUCES in the glas, that cheers but not
incbriatcs.
The y. Y Sun and Worid continue TO send us
their dailies in spite Of our remon,traucc We
must insist, New York iriCnds,tha YOU either
prepay the postage or stop them. They are of
no use 10 MS and We rarely open one of Them
tdrToltoH democrat.
shouldn't think you did, or any other first
elias, paper. Send EN- this way
4 blind woman in Iowa has learned to thread d
cambria needle with her teeth and tonguc-Er
There is no end Of things woman can do OF
undo with her tongue.
Cannot something be done to prevent young
ladies from being nsulted in our strcctsy7 ask.
siI4 iAllA les, several tlllES
Send along their big brother with shot gun
But the best thing is to have their mother. tuck
them into their little beds aboft o'clock and
lock the door on them.
Quite a number Of our expert hunters cypcc,
10 90 10 Jerscyyiiic on the 9th n{iauHe b,g.
Is that the new name for prairie chickens since
the game law has gone into force:
one Of our Illinois exchanges, describing
wedding, says:
The Mayor galooted up the church isle ,wash
ing and grating Ike a Chinese Jos, with Ia,
JIM jams
The shower OF frogs isn't Il circumstance to IA,
sprinkling of turtles they have had at ST Loui.
They had one on Monday night, and il was onl,
q slightly moist night, but seven pound turtl,
was rained down on them, and the papers thcr,
boast Of it as another triumph over Chicago.
Some unknown friend sends Us French papct
from Attakapas Parish, La. In /, We find IA,
following pleasant reference To a very worth,
cless Of politicians in that region:
SOta.-Par carpet-baggers rentcnds les indl
yidus cOrrompus ct sans scrupules 1ui yienncn-
lei pour occLper DIES places ct depouiller nos
citeyOns.
We beg leave 10 call the attention Of Senator
Sumner, before he again presents hi. civil right.
bin in the Senate to the following incident:
A few days ago one Of the attaches Of the Spap
ish legation entered a barber shop at Providence
X L. 70 get shave He was politely shown the
door by the negro barber with the exclamation
We don't shave no niggers hyah"
? A Dixon man, having bought new thr,shiny
machine, creased it on the iih with pint of
patriotism" and thrashed his wife
i is tie opinion Of The scientific iuu1 that.