The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-04-26
VARIETY.

Brigham Young remarked the other day that
&c Uncle Sam may swear and tear his linen, but
polygamy Is good for thousand years to come. -
An Irishman once lived with his father rs hired
man. The young folks of the neighbOrhoOd, on
one occasion, had party to which they did not
invite him. Pat considered himself very much
sighted, but after cOgitating over the matter for
while he Frightened up and exclaimed. 80 Faith,
III be aven with EN- yet; Ill have a party me-
elf, and won't invite nobOdyI'
An exceptional Michigander recently settled his
accounts with all his creditors and incontinently
thereafter killed himself. Whether he paid his
debts because he was going to commit suicide or
committed suicide because lie had paid his debts,
local OpniOns differ, but all are agreed that the
two circumstances taken together afford unmis-
taxable evidence Of insanity.
The Young Mems Christian Association of
Springfield, Mass, while away the long winter
evenings with playing cards, from which every
sinful fice-card has been Withdrawn and in their
places will be found John the Baptist Miles
Standish, John G.. Whittier and others, whose
we'll known and noble characters doubtless cause
the minds Of these piOus youths to sOar-as they
look upon their faces-aboye the dissipation of the
game
The man who answered an advertisement to the
following effect says his curiosity is satisfied: If
YOU would learn how to make home happy, send
a postage stamp, and twenty-five cents 10 p. o.
sary cash, and soon received the answer: If
you are as big a fool as we think you must be for
giving US your money, you can make home happy
by leaving it and going West by yourself" And
yet that man is not happy.
4 good joke is told in Washington at the ex-
pense of q well-knOwn Senator, who Is notorious
for taking two cocktails in succession before break
fast One morning, while the Senator was prac-
ticing at the Metropolitan bar friend put to him
the pertinent question: Senator, why do YOU
take two cocktails custom? Won't one tone
you!'' The Senator drew himselfup: 81 will tel
YOU why take twocOcktaIls. When have taken
one it makes me feel like another man. Well,
you see, I'm bound by common courtesy to treat
that man, 50 l take secOndI''
Brave LITTLE BoY.-One of the Ohio paners
tells about brave little boy out there who found
Il broken rail on the railroad track, and, percev-
ing the peril in which the train would be placed
If they should come dashing past without warn
ing, out the fence for five hours in the bit
ter winter cold, IN order that he might carry the
first news OF the accident to his father, who is
local editor Of paper published in the neighbor-
ing village. Such fidelity in child is deeply
affecting. This story Is equal TO that of the re-
porter in Omaha, who trained his little son to make
bets with his young companions that they were
afraid TO go home and build bonfire in the gar
ret And when the bet was accepted the re-
pOrter's child would stuff the other babes pockets
with matches, watch him 60 into the house, and
then make q Decline Tor the reporter once. That
eminent journalist was always the first at a fire,
and he invariably had the fullest particulars.
In SEARCH OF HIS WIFE-A few DAYS ago a man
who seemed to be labOrIng under considerable ex-
citemeut appeared at the Office of the Crawford
House end enquired Of the clerk in attendance
81 say, Is my wife here?' The clerk told him
there were several ladies stopping at the house
what was his wiie's name?
. No matter about the name,'' said the man !;
she's so Internal contrary she would register some
other name, like as any way"
The clerk suggested that ne might describe her.
ssWeu, p'r'aps I might. She is rather short:
has red hair, and is little freckled. Her nose
turns up, too"
He was informed that no lady answering the
description was stopping at the house
well look a-here, Mr.. Clerk said the wife
pursuer, after pOnderiDg the subject little
time, ssthat ere woman is cunning as a fox
She has dyed her hair, like any way, and got
something to take them freckles of; but I'D know
that nose-sbe couldn't get the turn-up out of
that, sure"
He peeped into the dining room minute, and
then walked of, muttering to himself: "She's
lust the eontrariest wOman.-Dye her in minute
10 fool me Fat COHfribufOr's Saturday Night.