Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-03-13
Tall Talking.

these sayings. On Dieneces, the Spar
tan, being told the number of XerXes's
army was so great that when they shot
forth their arrows the sun would be dark
ened by their multitude, he answered: '1f
the Modes darken the sun we shall have
our fight in the shade" The American
hunor partakes slightly of the same char
acter and extravaganza: but it is, never
theless, the growth of the soil The vast
ness of the country, which is bounded on
the east by the Atlantic Ocean, on the
north by the Aurora Borealis, on the
west by the setting sun, and on the south
by the day of judgment, and the peculiar
circumstances in which the people are
placed can be traced in most of these
stories. The hyperbolical or tall species
of American humor was much in vogue
some years ago, and such stories as the
following were once very common: GA
man was so tall that he had to go up a
ladder to shave himself; ''another was
SO strong that his sneeze would kill buff
falo across the Mississippi River; "a
Massachusetts pig was so lean that it was
necessary to tie knot in his tail to pre-
vent its getting through the chinks of
the paling'; san American artist painted
a snow storm so naturally that he caught
bad cold by sitting a IS sff,rcht that squash
vine, in its rapid growth, overlook
drove of pigs; ''the reason why cream is
dear is that milk has risen so high that
the cream can't reach the top"
There is capital story in which it is
related that "a coach drove through the
country so fast that the milestones passed
80 quickly that the passengers thought
they were in churchyard." This coach,
however, was beaten by the skipper
which went so fearfully fast that, in sail
ing round Long Island, she left her
shadow three and a half miles behind
her." Major N, when asked if he was
seriously injured by the explosion of a
boiler of the "St. Leonard" steamer, re-
piled "that he was so used to being blown
up by his wife that mere steamer had
no effect upon him." The evidence Of a
witness in life insurance case involved
in the blowing up of steamboat on the
Ohio is droll, just because it is character
istic. The witness knew the missing man,
and saw him on the deck of the steam
boat before the explosion. When asked
by the lawyer "What was the last time
you saw him?" he answered: "The very
last time I set eyes ON him was when the
biler burst, and | was going up. met
him and the smoke pipe coming down."
We all know that the American oysters
are large; but that one must have been
of extraordinary size which required
three men to swallow it whole.
1t is not fair that the foreigners should
! have all the lies to themselves; 80 we will
let the Englishmen put in an appearance.
A commercial traveller, Boosting that his
firm spent e300 a year for writing ink
alone, was answered During the last
twelve months we have saved in that arti-
Gle alone $4,000 by merely emitting the
dots to our is and the crosses to our is. !"
One of the best specimens of rhodomont-
ade is the following story, which we
have not seen in print Two men, who
were famous for their vaporing, laid a
wager as to who could tell the biggest lie.
One said that he was in mid ocean, far
away from land, when he espied man
swimming. The ship was stopped, and
preparations were made for taking the
man in, when he cried out: 81 am all
right, and only want to know the latitude
and longitude, for am swimming to En-
gland. This seemed sufficiently i'm
probable; but the other capped it by ask
ing whether his friend had seen the man
again." and being answered in the mega
tive, said: "Then / am he. "-Brstish
Quarterly.
PHRENoLoGIsTs now have an opportu-
nifty to locate the position memory holds
in the convolutions of the BRAIN A man
in Elmira, N. Y, struck his head against
beam, three years ago, and was render
ed insensible. He rapidly recovered,
prospered in business, and enjoyed per-
feet health until a few days ago, when he
experienced acute pains in his head.
These soon passed away. he regained his
physical health, but his memory, from the
time he struck his head against the beam
to the present, is a blank. He remembers
distinctly all that transpired up to the
time of the accident, but is puzzled to
account for his two children born since
that time. He addresses his business
partner as the schoolmaster, which posi-
ton he held previous to the accident.
The case is curious one, and unaccount-
able to medical experts.
A sALooN-KEEPER in Binghamton
found pearl in one of his oysters worth