Delaware Republican. (Wilmington, Del.) 1843-1874, 1873-06-02
Why is Easter no longer movable feasts
Because 1t Is kept still. ..i g.

Why Is Easter no longer a movable feasls---
Because 1t is kept still. UaN .HD.
"Any letters?" asked Smith of his landiady
on getting home to dinner. "Only two postal
cards, sir" was the disdainful reply, "but they
contain nothing particular"
popular essayist says, "Perhaps the great
triumph of all moral writings, including SER
mons, Is that they produce some sweet and iI-
nocent sleep" .4. n.
An exchange tantalizes Its readers with this
alacrity; "Have you heard of the man who
got shot? No, how did he get shoi?' "He
bought them"
A Vermont school teacher has struck the
thing ut last. He makes unruy boys turn a
grindstone one thousand times, while another
boy bears on with stick of wood.
If your grandmother has a high tortoise she II
comb lying around loose, get possession of IL:
stick IL in your back hair and you will rejoice
in the latest style.
woman out west informed her doctor that
her arm was broken between the pig pen and
the chicken coop. lie hunted though his
books two days to find what those terms
meant.
A certain religious paper has for the headings
OF one of its departments, "Relgion in
General
Somebody says "Religion in particular is what
10 "o"teu seihViS VIC people,
Pekin (ll.) woman was asked by the
preacher ifher husband feared the Lord.
She replied, "Fear him? Why, bless you,
he is so feared of him that he never goes
out of the hon Sc oil Sunday without taking his
gun along"
gentleman was complimenting pretty
young lady in the presence of his wife.
sit Is lucky did not meet Miss Hopkins be-
for married you, my dear" ssNNell, yes it is
extremely lucky-for her." was the dry re-
joinder.
school boy who had fallen asleep at his
desk, suddenly jumped to his feet, and shout.
ing "Look out there, I'm going TO the fire,
started on a run and brought up against the
blackboard with sufficient force 10 awake and
astonish him.
Society at Bayville, Georgia, resolved upon
the death of q member, "that we NAV buy all
our groceries and tobacco of his esthnabe wife
who has our sympathy an this dark hour, but
who should at once restock the store for the
spring trade"
A sea captain, just returned from long yoy-
age, was told by "a commission merchant the
sad news that his wife had died. "Wite deadl
said the captain, well now, do you know, |
didn't think she was long-lived. 'How's
freights?"
A baby lately had the misfortune to swallow
the contents Of an ink-botte.
Its mother, with wonderful presence of mind
Immediately administered box of steel pens
and two sheets of foolscap paper: and the child
has felt ,crite inside ever since.
An unfortunate Kentucky editor thus ad.
dresses his delinquent subscribers; 'Friends, We
are penniless. Jobs turkey was q mi ionans
compared with our present depressed treasury.
To-day, If salt was two cents barrel, we could
not buy enough to pickle a jay-brd."
A dealer in, secondhand articles having !,
buggy TO dispose Of hung out card inscribed,
"buggy! For Salel' Unluckily he hun the
card on a secondhand bedste sd. and soon had
peering crowd around his door, discussing the
probable number and size of the insects infest-
ing that article of furniture.
Creditor-How often must | climb three
pairs of stairs before get the amount of this
little account?
Debtor-Do you think an going to rent a
place on the first floor to accommodate my
creditors9"
AN enterprising soap-maker daubei the rock
all the way up the Hudson with the appeal,
"Use Smiths Soap" whereupon his rival, the
still more enterprising Jones, after much cogi
tation, started his whitewasher up the river to
append to each Of Mr. Smiths appeals IIf you
can't get JONES'"
A little girl that had been promised lapdog,
| saw shaggy, ill-fayored cur shaking his thirst
from pool in the gutter, and ran into The
house crying. "What is the matter?n asked
| her mother.
81 don't want lap dog" said the child. "See
that great, hateful dog out there; he idpS,r