Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-01-08
Wit and HuInNI..


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Wit and HumOr.
AN Irishman, on being told that a
newly invented stove would save just
half his usual fuel, replied, Arrah :
then I'll have two, and save it all, my
jewel" s55sa,
A REVENUE assessor in Ohio, asking
the usual questions, inquired: Did
your wife have any income last year 2"
Yes, sir, replied the assessed, ssboth
girls"
Is moIasses good for a cough ?'' in
quired Jones, who had a slight cold,
and was barking with considerable en-
ergy. "It ought to be, said Brown,
it is sold for consumption. y So D-
CoME, don't be timld, y said a
couple of snobs to two mechanics:
sit down and make yourselves our
equals. "if To do that we should have
to blow our brains out, +" replied one of
the mechanics. aE tfT
A GENTLEMAN meeting friend who
was wasting away with consumption,
exclaimed, EEAh, my dear fellow, how
slow you walk "Yes," replied the
consumptive, 81 walk slow, but Tn
going fast ~ aaas aa3
g Do you think it safe, my DEAR"
said husband to his wife, for me
to take off flannel when it looks like
spring = " Perhaps so,n replied the
wife, :" but I never saw flannel that
looks like spring"
That was very tender hearted man
who, on being told that his wife, who
mad left the house only an hour before,
was drowned, and that her body was
found mile or SO below, said !: "She
must have foated down quite lively -
The Lumpkin Independent relates a
characteristic incident. A negro was
put upon the stand as witness, and
the judge inquired if he understood
the nature of an oath? "For certing,
boss" said the citizen; fs if swear to
a lie I must stick to him.
A LITTLE girl came into one of our
shoe stores the other day to take shoes
home for her mother to select from,
g What number does your mother wear,
sissy" asked the merchant. ssShe told
me to bring some half-past, fours,''
replied the little girl.
HERE is a good buslness-li like epitaph:
&C Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas
Smith, marble cutter. This monument
vas erected by her husband as trib-
lite to her memory and specimen of
lis work. Monuments of the same
style, $3.50"
UNCLE L.. E'Now, Sammy, tell me,
nave yon read the beautiful story of
Joseph ?" Sam. "Oh yes, uacle.p
Uncle. "Well, then, what wrong did
hey do when they sold their brother 2"
Sam, "They sold him too cheap uncle,
[ Think s sz
A LITTLE boy asked DR.. Burgess, the
if he would have light
g No, my child, said the doctor, "I
I'm one of the lights of the world.'' Ct
wish then, !" replied the boy, I" you were
lung at the end of the alley, for it is a
refy dark one s-ssiaa t2e usy
A LITTLE BOY, attending the Episco-
,al Church for the first time innoeently
to his mother as the rector
appeared in his white robe, "Does he
nut that on to look like the Holy
3host 2"
A LITTLE four -year-old, of Bristol,
vent to Providence, the other day, and
n the depot was accosted by Quaker
ady, who asked, GLOW old art thou,
little girl 2" She looked UP in the face
# the Quakeress, and replied, !" Pm
lot art thou; I'm little Jennie. gzI
esGENTnEMEN, where do you. think
hat beefsteak comes from ~ said the
andlord, planting his thumbs in his
yaistcoat arm holes. From near the
lorns,n was the quiet reply of one of
he boarders. 1t is singular, but that
andlofd has not put any conundrums
% those boarders since.
ssGENTLEMEN, where do you think
hat beefsteak comes from 9'' said the
planting his thumb in his
yaistcoat arm-holes. From near the
lorns,' was the quick reply of Zone of
he boarders. 1t is singular, but that
andlord has not put any conundrums
% those boarders since. sa+
A YOUNG lady school teacher, of
Frederick City, Md, was endeavoring
% impress upon herpupils the terrible
effect of the punishment of Nebuchad-
nezzar. She told them that for seven
years he ate grass like a COW. Just
hen small boy asked Did he give
n1lk2" =;
A soHoo1MAsTER had among his
pupils a Yankee and Dutch boy.
Both we're learning orthography. The
required the Yankee to
q orr Crt I
jhus sfBig %, little a-r-o-n. The
Dutch boy took the hint from THIS, and
to similar response big
Hans, little Hans, n.
g Is my face dirty ~ asked young
lady from the back woods, on a steane
boat running from Cairoto New Orleans.
g Dirty No. Why did you ask e.
g Because that insulting waiter insists
upon putting towel beside my plate.
I've thrown three under the table and
every time he comes around he puts
another one before me-
SOME drummers on train in Port
land recently wished to open a whisky
bottle they had with them, but had no
corkscrew. "Tll get one, said one OF
the number; and rising, he called out,
g Is there gentleman from Portland
on the train?" A gentleman respond
ed. "Will you lend me your cork
screw?" said the drummer. The cork
screw was forthcoming. gs9il3u~
A BEeeAR asked for a piece of bread
and butter at a house the other day,
and on couple of slices being offered
to him, he Immediately refused it.
fsWhat's the matter?" asked the do
nor; isn't this good bread9" Yes,
the breads good enough" said the
beggar. ''Well, isn't the butter good,
too?n eyes, I've no fault to find with
the butter" "Well, then, what is the
matter?" 81 don't like the way, it's
spread on" growled the fastidious
mendicant.
CoNUNDRUMs-W What two letters sig
nify q written article? S. A. (essay.)
What i,ird'S name can be SDeIt with