The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1873-02-12
Mrs. LONEs,s PIRATE.

~ suuSu lIildbO 9hllS' Ni'"" WV
Spanish main in rakish-looking
schooner which was called the Mary
Jane. She carried lots of howltzers
and deadly rifle guns, with shot, pow
der and percussion caps in tons.
The pirate was homely man, and
short and grim and fat; he wore wild
and awful scowl beneath his slouching
hat. Swords, pistols and stillatos were
arranged around his thighs, and de-
monical glaring was quite common
with his eyes.
His heavy black moustacles curled
away beneath his nose, and dropped
in elegant festoons about his very toes.
He hardly ever spoke at all, but
when such was the case, his voice
twas easy to perceive was quite a
heavy bass.
He was not serious pirate; and
despite his anxious cares, he rarely
went to Sunday School, and seldom
said his prayers. He worshipped love-
ly woman, and his hope in life was
this: to calm his wild, tumultuous
soul with pure domestic bliss.
When conversing with his ship
mates he very often swore that he
longed to give up his piracy and settle
down on shore. He tired Of blood
and plunder; Of the joys that they
could bring; he sighed to gain the
love Of some aflectionate thing.
One morning as Mary Jane went
bounding DER the sea, the pirate saw
q merchant bark far off upon his lee.
He ordered a pursuit and spread all
sail that be could spare, and then
went down in hopeful mood to shave
and curl his hair.
He blacked his boots and pared his
nails, and tied fresh cravat; he
he cleaned his teeth, pulled down his
cuffs and polished up his hat; he dim
med with flour the radiance of.hs fiery
red nose; for, hanging with the vessels
wash, he saw some ladies hose.
Once more on deck, the strangers
hull he riddled with ball, and yell
ed; Il say, what bark is that?" In
answer to his call the skipper on the
other boat replied in thunder tones
"This here's the bark Matilda, and
her captains name is Jones ~ ~-
The pirate told his bold corsairs to
man the jolly boats, to board the bark
and seize the crew and slit their tarry
throats; and then to give his compli
ments to Captain Jones, and say lie
wished that he and Mrs. Jones would
come and spend the day.
They reached the bark, they killed
the crew, they threw them in the sea
and then they sought the captain, who
was mad as he could be, because his
wife--who saw the whole sad tragedy
it seems-made all the ship vociferoui
with her outrageous screams.
But when the pirates message came
she dried her streaming tears, and saiC
although she'd like to come she ha(
unpleasant fears that, pirates socia
status being evidently low, she nigh
meet some common people whom sh'
wouldn't care to know.
Her husbands aged father she ad
mitted dealt in bones, but the famil,
5 descended from the famous Duke d.
Jones; and such blue-blooded people
that the rabble might be checked, hat
to make their social circle eXcessiYel.
select.
Before she visited the ship she wanted
v him to say if the Smythes had recog
: nized him in a social, friendly way
did .he Jonsons ever see him in thei
ancestral halls? Was he noticed b.
the Thomsons? Was he asked t
emm's balls?
The pirate wrote that Thomson wa
his best and eldest friend; that h
often stopped at Jonson's when he ha
a week to spend. AS for the Smythe
they worried him with their incessan
d calls; his very legs wore weary wit
the dance at Simms's balls.
(The scoundrel fbbed most sham:
lessly. In truth he onll y knew lot +.
:, Smiths 1",iit,nout "a most plebeia
crew, his Johnsons use a vulgar
'5 his Thompsons spelled with p, b
b. Simses had one IN, and they were con
=. mon as could bc.)
Then Mrs. Jones mussed up hC
hair and donned her best delaine, an
5, went with Captain Jones aboard Il
schooner Mary Jane. The pirate VIC
D, her heart at e1@ce by saying with
smile re never saw q woman dresst
nth such exquisite style.
IT. The pirates claim to status she W
K very sure was Just, when she notice
how familiarly the Jonsons he discus
ed. Her aristocratic scruples the
- were quickly laid aside, and when Il
pirate smiled at her reciprocally 81
sighed.
as No sooner was the newer love wit
in her bosom born, than Jones W