davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
Petty Annoyances.

The constant exercise of patience and for
bearance is never more necessary or praise.
worthy than in domestic lite; but there IS
species of endurance which, as it is quite
superhuous, IL not at all cOmmendaDle-l
mean, the putting up with such daily annoy
ances as the cost of few cents or the labor OF
a few minutes would efectually remove Mar
row means, an incOnvenient house, dis
agreeable situation, tlres0me children, stupid
servants, or-worse than even these-tooth-
ache and an ill-tempered husband-these are
trials for which patience is the best and almost
the only remedy; and all who have patience
enough under such circumstances are entitled
to our sympathy and admiration. But, IN
addition to the unavoidable affections OF their
lot, how many go on, from day to day and year
to year, with doors that never shut, windows
and drawers that nobody can open, keys that
will not lock, CRATES that never draw, blinds
that won't keep up and curtains teat won
come down, nails that tear their things and
things that tear their nails And while pro
| Tossing to be ADORE noticing such petty grieU
ances, how many exspend so much OF their stock
| of patience upon these unnecessary erHS thai
they have scarcely any left for ineritdbte dnney
dnccs ! Could such persons calculate, at the
years end the amount of time and strength
expended in daily struggles with only on
drawer THAT always sticks, so that there il
the greatest difficulty in pulling it out, and
when out, it is all that anybody can ever do t
push it in again and if they could recoec
and 6eliere the singular verbal manifestation
of Indifference to "these trifes that no on
should make moments fuss about in worl'
where there is so much real trouble 1T is pro
babe they would be quite as much surprised a
those who have long wondered at the perversit
which has cherished such needless cause o
botheration " to themselves and others. L
, ladies' who do not perceive any harm in addin
to the comforts and diminishing the inconve
niences of our mortal life, | recommend tn
condensed philosophy of the following well
known but little needed rhymes:
FOR every evil under the sun
There is a remedy. therea NONE;
ihnra annn " n.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
WHOLE NO. 925
NINE MAxIMs FOR THE CoNDUcr OF LIFE

NINE MAXIMS FOR THE CONDUCT OF LIFE.-
l. Make no promises that you are uncertain
of being able to perform.
,. Deception soon begets distrust. 1t de-
bases man in his own eyes. We should have
too much pride to deceive others The
offspring of one deception is legion. 1t
marches to its purpose accompanied by
meanness and all the petty vices in the
calendar.
3. The man who hopes to enrich himself
suddenly, without honest industry, differs
little from the gambler, whose fortune is
staked upon the cast of die Virtues with
out number hedge the path of the Industrious
and persevering laborer. Perhaps fond wife
and children are to be supported. Pretaced
thus, we give this maxim: Let gambling IN all
its forms be summed; from it no virtues
spring, but on the contrary, all the vices.
Chances in lotteries, and inordinate specula-
ton, are other names for gambling, and are
| alike opposed to habits of industry.
f. Fear not to have each and every action OF
your life open to the inspection of mankind
Remember that nicer casuist" than man
sees into your least actions. Answer to HIM,
and fear not the face of man.
5. Tell not all your thoughts, yet speak the
truth always, and boldly.
G. What you have to do, do quickly, for pro
crastnation will lead to forgetfulness.
T. Let not desire to be thought we'll o1
lead you to exhibit your talents upon all Occa
sions; for greatness and worth are always
+ clothed IN a modest exterior 1t is the vice o
little minds to go abroad gaudily attired lik
the butterfly
. s. Life is too short to be frittered away il
e trifes. Let no moment pass unemployed
n Sleep for the renewal of exhausted nature
e awake to live to the duties Of life.
# g. Beware of over-indulgence In meat &
? drink Intemperance brings no recreation
!, but serves only to exhaust the powers of bot
Is mind and body.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
The Door Test.

A correspondent of the Scientific America"
gives the following novel manner Tor measur-
ing men $ characters:
During the last ten years. in the winter sea-
son. according to our daily record, we have
noticed the manner in which one thousand per-
sons who called tor work nave opened, shut
or not shut our st0re-dOor. This you may say
is a futile and useless undertaking but we en-
tertain very different opinion. What are the
facts, and what the deductions!
|. Out of one thousand persons recorded,
three hundred and thirty-fve opened the door
and shut it carefully, when they came in and
when they went out without much noise.
.. Two hundred and twenty six opened 1t IN
a hurry, and made an attempt to shut 1t but
did not, and merely pulled 1t to when they
went out.
g. Three hundred and two did not attempt
to shut it at all, either on coming i'll or goinG
out.
4. Ninety-six left it open when they came in
but, when reminded of the fact made ample
apology, and shut it when they went out.
| 5. One hundred and two opened it in grea
hurry and then slammed it to violently, bu
! left it open when they went out.
&. Twenty came in with " How do you do
sir 2" or, Good morning !" or, " Good even
ing, sir !''-and all of these went through tn
operation of wiping their feet on the mat, bu
did not shut the door when they came in no
when they went out.
Remarks. have employed men out q
all the above classes, and during that time hav
had an opportunity of judging Of their merits
&c. The first class-of three hundred an
thirty-fve were those who knew their trade
and commenced and finished their work in
methodical manner were quiet and had litt
to say in their working hours, and were we
approved by those for whom they did th
work. They were punctual to time, and le
nothing undone which they were ordered to d.
They did not complain about trihes, and in a
respects they were reliable men, and were kin
and oblging in their general conduct
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
.MiSceI/UW ID e D II s.
For the Smyrna Times"
Letter From Mrs. Baldwin---Storm at
Sea.
Foo Chow, Nov. 18th. 1872.

Foo Chow, Nov. 18th, 1872.
Here we are safe at Foo Chow, at last
Our hearts are full of gratitude to Him, who
has brought us through SO many perils.
Since my last, concluded on the DrdgOOn,
and mailed at Shanghai we have been in great
danger. The English steamer Dragon is a
very good sea craft, but wretchedly small and
dirty, and the contrast to our clean American
steamer made her seem even worse than usual
We left Shanghai Thursday morning, Nov.
Sth, before day light, and all went well
until Saturday-it was too rough all that day
to be comfortable but at 6 p. NJ, the wind rose
to gale. 1t raned and the wind rOared fear
fully, and the waves dashed against our little
bark, pitching her about at will.
The gale continued to increase in violence
until 3 A. NJ, and did not abate until after day
! light. | have been in heavy storms on the
Atlantic, Pacific and Indian Oceans, but neve
in any equal to this one on the China Sea
None of US can ever forget that night
seemed impossible that we could be saved.
The Captain turned the steamer head t
the wind, and laid to- all night. We passen
gers could neither sit nor stand, so we ai
4, down. and tried to brace ourselves IN place
we did not close our eyes all night, however
but prayed for deliverance.
The two large swinging lamps in the saloOl
were dashed to pieces early in the evening
4 leaving us in the dark, excepting a Porter
i lantern that gave but a faint light. Piles {
: crockery were dashed from the racks and broke
y and no one seemed to cheeseman's wei
too much frightened to think Of preserviu
e anything but their lives
Q What with the tossing of the steamer,
t. though every wave would engulf US the bea
fT ing OF the waves against the sides of the shi
e. threatening to break them in the dashng
ed the crOckcry over the floor the darkness al
ce the roar of the tempest; it was indeed an awi
Al, night How did we watch and long for t
eii morning
nd 1t did seem impossible that after travelling
GS iS many thousand miles, over land and water
,eE should be lost our last night out, and almt
Ike within sight of our destined port.
an Morning dawned at last, and the gale slaC
* ened ttle-our Captain turned the steam
eT. on her course, and went on; then We had I
not full force of the waves right astern, each c
" pitching the steamer forward aud downwa
.1., ey- as if to plunge us to ruin headlong; but
nd wind helped us on, rough as it was.
i"H 10" We arrived at Foo Chow day later that
leh expected, in consequence of the storm. s.
ey- we were in the midst of our Mission anC
rm' FiS home with the Misses WOOston, with VIII
hall we are to stop until our own house is ready
us.
hin Sn, There was great rejoicing in the Mission
ap- our arrival and we felt as though We Ough
'O's have a meeting for thanksgiving, over
.on ttSn wondrous delivcrance.
e to o, what contrast between that quiet, ha
in Sabbath evening, and that dreadful night "
a TO we were so tempest-tossed! L shall n
tain think that human skill saved us. To God a
'eS 1he be all the praise
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

The navigation of the Savannah river must
be conducted on primitive principles, judging
from local item in one of the Georgia papers
The paragraph alluded to says that steamer
got snagged in the river some time ago, but they
stuffed some rags and things into the hole and
she managed to reach Augusta. Having done
so well, it was concluded to make another trip
without repairing, and how many more does
not appear, until one day she got on sand-bar,
but the captain pulled her off and tied her up
for the night About four clock she gave q
sudden !urch, and by the time the crew could
get ashore she went down. 1T is supposed,
gravely says the paper, that the rags worked
out Of the hole.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

The St. Louis Democrat is authority for the
statement that Senator Sumner never believed
in the legitimacy OF the late French Emperor
descent Speaking on French topics in the
Senate one day about four years ago, he
referred to the First Napoleon as the ''reputed
uncle of the Emperor" He was then chair
man of the Committee on Foreign Relations
and fearing, on reflection, that the expression
would appear improper coming from such a
source, he sent an autograph note to the
reporter of the Associated Press, after the
debate had concluded, requesting him to sup
press the word "reputed." The reporter com
piled, but kept the note as possible curiosity
of the future.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

"What are you lellowing about?" cried an
irate mother at the foot OF the stairs one even
ing, after her two boys had been put to bed
Please, mother" said believing Bill, " linn
wants half the bed" "Well, says she, lat
him have it, and you take the other halt. "
''Yes, mother" said Bill "but he wants to
have his half out of the middle, and make me
sleep on both sides of him.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

A Boston gentleman who could not waltz
offered young lady S400 if she would allow
him to hug her just as much as the man did
who had just waltzed with her. 1t was good
offer, and showed that money was no object to
him. but they put him out of the house SO
hard that his eyes were quite black.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

DR.. Terry, of Columbus, Ca, gave the
following wise testimony: Saw deceased after
he was Shot he was lying on the floor in pool
of blood in dying condition; don't know
how long he lived afterward; l did not make
any minute examination, for the reason that
did not want you lawyers to prove killed him
with probe"
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

When a Maine man has a too laxative
wife he tells her he is going to Ansananquata-
sogowmongotonga hunting, and in his absence
has his friends call at the house and inquire
his whereabouts. When he returns the faith.
ful wife is exhausted, and doesn want to speak
for a month
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

AARON BURR-Henry Ward Beecher says: :
"Aaron Burr was a keener thinker than
George Washington. He was a far more
ingenious man, a more active man, and, ii he
had been moral man, and maintained normal
relation with his fellow men, and with the
laws of rectitude, he would have been an abler
man. Washington was man OF good sense,
but he was not man OF genius i'll any direc-
tion except that of conscience. He was man
of singular equity, great disinterestedncss, aud
of pure and upright intent. Sagacious he was,
by a light which came from integrity. He
endured, having faith to believe that right was
right that it was safe, and that right 10 the
end would prevail. That which made Wash
! ington the only great hero of our revolutionary
struggle was the light of the moral element
that was in him-not any intellectual genius
which he possessed; not any rare tact oi
administration, or any remarkable executive
power. And if you look back upon those
names 10 our history that have stood the test
you will find that they have been men who
were fruitful in the highest moral element
And as time goes on. those men who lack
these elements sink lower and lower anC
lower till they set below the horizon; ant
those who possess them rise higher, till the!
reach the meridian, with undying speudor, Il
shine upon history and the world.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
For every evil under the sun
There rs q remedy, or there's NONE
IL there Is one, try and ind II.
IF there is none, never mind II.

A new dish is grape leaves fried in egg
batter; it is called a French dish. A contem.
porary remarks: 1--WE can't think Of anything
that would be more delicious than fried grape
leaves, unless it is a theatrical poster on
toast
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

An Iowa country squire concludes the
marital knot ceremony thusly: Them that
the court hath joined together let no man bust
asunder; but suffer little children to come
unto them SO helm YOU God"
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

The fact that army overcOats are as plenty
ON dirt-cart drivers and others of that ilk
as at the close of the war is beginning to excite
journalistic remark According to all natural
laws the supply should have run out year or
two ago, aud the thing is just little incompre-
honsihle
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

A new leaf in the family history. Jack
Now III be papa going 20 fix the furnace. I"
Sallie-"Oh, yes! and I'll be the new nurse,
and you must kiss me behind the cellar door"
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

Here is a new anecdote of President Lincoln:
A man who once called on him observed, after
shaking hands with him, Don be scared, Mr..
Lincoln, | don't want an office" 6 Is that
SO p said the President, then give us another
shake"
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

At Pekin, China, barber will cut your
hair, shampoo you, shave, cut your nails wash
your feet and brush your clothes, all for cent.
But you must make your cent before you go to
Pekin
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

The latest conundrum from Georgia is,
"Why is South Carolina like a piano2"
Because the darkies (dark keys) are above
the whites"
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

Old Equestrian: "Well but you're not the
boy left my horse with" Boy: mo, sir;
jest specklated, and bought i'm of t'other boy
for six cents!'
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

1t is now claimed that the architect of the
great "Chinese wall was a woman; but o
woman wouldn't do anything to keep men out
In that way.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

An Iowa man cannot remember where he
hid coffee pot full of silver during the war,
and has nearly scratched every hair out of his
head thinking about it.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

Josh Billings says that if he can have
plenty of mackerel for breakfast he can
generally manage to make the other two meals
out of water
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

Sophie Barney took premium at Mont.
gomery (Ala.) fair as ''the young woman who
would make the best wife for poor man.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's home, is
now the bone Of contention in an ejeotment
suit at Richmond, Va.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22

The thimble is said to be an article of
feminine jewelry which has almost gone out Of
fashion.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
- drink to the fair
And drown dull care
L - -. H. s..,-. - Al. ufra

But after all is said, it is the feminine nature
that clings to the laudanum bottle and sucks
from it the last black drops of death. Open
and disreputabe drunkenness is on the wanc.
The majority of gentlemen of leisure dom t
make practice of getting drunk every day at
dinner. The age of Squire Westerns is over,
and to day variegation upon him is, so far as
externals go, rather well.cOnducted. But it is
to be feared that that secret and seductive intox
ication that is due to the use Of drugs is on the
increase One often has good reason to suspect
that the high spirits of the woman whom he
admires are due to opium, as the brilliancy OF
her eyes is to belladonna or of her complexion
to arsenic. Yet it is not too much for the
optimist to hope that the day of revolution vii
come for this vice, too, and that these morbic
warnings will return to nature once again.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
Curious Statistics of Marriage.

To people of statistical rather than sen
timental turn, the mathematics OF marriage In
different countries may prove an attractive
theme of meditation 1t is found that young
men from fifteen to twenty years of age marry
young women averaging two or three years
older than themselves. but if they delay mar
riage until they are twenty to twenty five years
old, their spOuses average year younger than
themselves and thenceforward this difference
steadily increases, till in extreme old age on
! the bridegroom part it is apt to be enormous.
| The inclination OF 0ctOgenarlanS to wed misses
| in their teens is an everyday occurrence but
it is amusing to find in the lOve-matches of
boys that the statistics bear out the satires OF
Thackeray and Balzac. Again, the husbands
of young women aged twenty and under,
average a little above twenty hve years, and
the inequality of age diminishes thenceforward,
till for women who have reached thirty the
respective ages are equal; after thirty five
years, women, like men, marry those younger
than themselves the disprOpOrtlOn increasing
with age till at fifty-fve it averages nine years
The greatest number of marriages for meI
take place between the ages of twenty and
twenty-five in England, between twenty five
and thirty in France, and between twenty-five
and thirty FIVE in Italy and Belgium. Finally
in Hungary the number of individuals wht
T. marry is 72 in thousand each year; in Eng
land, it is "a in Denmark 59 in France, 81
{ the city of Paris showing So; in the Neither
: lands, So in Belgium, 43; in Norway, sc
WidOwers indulge in second marriages three o
four tunes as often as widows For example
= in England (land of Mrs. BardelD there are 6
d marriages of widowers against 2l of widows
in Belgium there are 48 to l6; in France, AZ t
d II. Old Mr.. Weler's paternal advice, t
. ''beware of the widows" ought surely to b
d supplemented by maxim to beware {
widowers. English paper.
Smyrna times., 1873-01-22
Respectable Drunkenness.

There are thousands or people In every large
city who daily get respectfully drunk. The pc
culiarity Of their drunkenness Is its infinite re-
spectability. They don't stagger; they don't
get arrested they don come into contact with
a station house or police court; they wallow
in no cutters; they are not prone to stand on
the corners of streets, their hats on the backs
Of their heads, and themselves asseveratlng
deathless friendship to the world in general.
Their breaths are innocent OF pertume-Or at
least such aroma as leaves their lips Is guilt
less of a suspicion Of malt or splrtuOus liquors.
Their faces are not disreputably flushed; their
shirt bOsoms are undemOrallzed their looks
are steady, and cOherency is in their speech.
| Yet these people are drunk-daily and hourly |
drunk. Granted that their drunkenness is re-
| spectacle; it IS drunkenness, nevertheless |
Before breakfast they need their dram just as
truly as the confirmed topper does That dram Is
of an eminenty respectable kind. No vulgar
whisky composes it. Pebeian rye is not for
them. Their drunkenness is a fine art. lntoxl-
cation with them goes under the name of in
spiration. They have recourse to no public bar.
They scorn the question, "What will you
take? The term "eye-Opener is to them
comparatively unknown, and they hold in
supreme contempt the fancy decoctions that
t DisraeIi euphenlistically terms gentle Amerl-
can drinks" Yet We repeat that these people
men and women of culture, often-are regu
thing to know how both to get drunk and re
q main respectable. Usually the latter Of these
! conditions is directly contradictory Of the
9 former, and the more one gets elevated the
!, lower he sinks. The class of people to whom
r We refer has, however, practically realized the
o paradox of being at one and the same moment
n drunk and decent. How is the thing done
o The word drug solves the mystery. Opium,
IT ether chloroform, and the various compounds
l. that are based upon these ingredients, tell the
S whole story The drug stores feed quite a.
" many drunkards as the dram shops do. A feW
l. months ago an attempt was made to create {
ir sensation in regard to the number of ahsnthC
tn drinkers. No doubt quite as much abslnthe a
is good for US is drank among US but mucl
ry more opium, in various forms, is swallowed
at 1t would be easy to make startling statemen
ar that would not be exaggerated. As rule
those hlgrant cases of drunkenness only com
al to light in the instances OF extreme degradatlo
ce which the dram shop furnishes. The create
to and more elegant modes of intoxication b
or laudanum continue, and society is none th
We wiser. Nor is this form less fatal and iaSclna
lst ing than the grosser one of rum. Its r.
ch spectability is its fascination, and its almO
nd incurabIity its fatality. The whisky drink
lite sometimes reforms; the ldGdanum drink
le, almost never. There are a good many GOug
ey, in the world-very few De Quinceys. Besid
!an this, it is the women who most frequently T
his sort to this method of forgetting sorrow. II
as masculine nature may
-Iripk tn thaf
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-06-27
HURRICANE SWITCH ITEMS.

Crops look very well in this neighbor-
hood. The people of this vicinity will
finish blowing corn next we elk, if the
weather continues favorable, which is
enough to prove that we have very in
dustrious farmers, in our part of the
country. Tr.rh Inns
Rev. DIR. Lock proposes to preach for
us the fourth Sunday in every month,
but disappointed us last Sunday, it is
supposed on account of some other pros
fessional call. Our Sunday School is
improving very rapidly, which is
requisite in refining society of young
people. a. r-
B. S. Thomas, Doc. Harris, T. J. Foot
and several others owned very fine
Saturday evening. Mr.. Foot made six
very exec llent shots. He hit the board
once, and missed the tree twice, which
was two and half feet thick, on which
the board was fastened. The reader can
judge how the other shots ranged. Sew
eral other shots were made by different
persons, when the marksmen made an
effort to STAY the cali. One ofthem step
ped forward, thinking he would kill the
yearling without any further efforts.
He endeavored to shoot it in the fore.
head, but missed the head and shot it
through the neck, which caused the lit
tie animal to below very loudly. Then
another shot was made at him, but
came no nearer killing him than the
first. The marksmen, doubling their
skill, then made an effort to catch the
calf, and hold it until some one of them
could cut his jugular, but the calf being
accustomed TO such sport, in being run
by the lads Of the village, seemed to
know what move to make first, so ran
and jumped into hole of water where
he was immersed before being killed.
The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-06-27
OFFICE,

IN CoUNTING ROOM or w. J.. DALE q
Sons, South Side OF Square.
march 2S-tf