The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-11-04
THE BACHELORS MISTAKE.

HNHE hero of our sketch we will call
Il Jonas jerks. A natural feeling of
sympathy forbids our using his real name ;
and as he is an extremely sensitive old
gentleman, he might not care to be made a
subject of merriment for our reader.
Jonas jerks was what all the world
would Gala "clever fellow y but beyond
that, his good qualities were few. He was
looked upon with the same feeling that you
would regard the stump of an old tree, that
neither bore leaves to shade you in the
summer, nor fruit to pay for its keeping
through the winter. He was styled neither
wise, useful, nor agreeable. He was not
agreeable, because he did not make himself
entertaining to the ladies. He was not
useful, for he never looked beyond his i'm
mediate personal wants and he showed
great lack of wisdom in living forty years
alone, when he might have been blessed
with Goods best gift to man" woman.
He did not acquire wealth, because it
needed two heads like his to make money
and take care of it. He was ever drop
ping his buttons in the street, and spend
ing money for pins; he wore his stockings
without heels or toes, and ate from his un-
washed dishes day by day, all for the want
of little energy to look around for a
wife.
Still, Jonas was "a clever fellow !" and
at that age even, his friend Otis Barker
thought he would make an excellent hus-
band for his sister, who was yet on the
sunny side of thirty, and still looking quite
youthful. Calling on the bachelor in his
solitary abode, one morning, Otis found
him crouching over the stove and looking
downcast and sad.
"Jonas," said he, "I think know what
ails you"
"What makes you think anything ails
meP gruffly replied the bachelor.
because You are not lively and happy.
You are lonely, and want society. No one
can enjoy life without some friends In
short, you sOant a 'oJe; and my advice to
you is to get married"
"Ah, that is a very good advice, my
friend but have got along these forty
years without wife, and guess l shall
have to finish out the rest in the same
way"
" Because you have been fool forty
years is no reason why you must be a
greater one for the next forty, or as many
as you may live, which, think, is quite
as likely to be sixty"
"Hem well Gesting aside) l do be-
heve if had taken wife twenty years
ago, should have been quite as well off
for 1t now; but who would think of marry
ing an old fashioned man with the wrinkles
on his cheeks of forty winters 20
80, that is nothing against you. There
is many smart damsel who would jump
at the chance to sign herself Mrs. jerks. /"
4" don't want an old maid, any how +!
If / ever do get a wife, will go out of the
family for her. If l could cage some
sprightly lass of eighteen or twenty, do
not know but / might be tempted. But
this courting business know nothing
about, you see. / could not think of put
ting on dickey every Sunday night and
sitting up straight till midnight No, no.
That would be paying too dearly for a
thing in advance
"Well, Jonas, | think ON the whole that
you are too lazy TO live, If the truth was
known" said Otis, as he turned on his
heel to 60.
"You do, eh? Well, stop moment. 1
am up for a bargain. Come show me one
of those nice girls who you seem to think
are SO plenty"
see and find them for yourself, as other
men do. II you are pleased to visit my
family, you will have the opportunity of
seeing great many young ladies. We
have great deal Of company. win in