The Portland daily press., 1873-01-07
ERMS $500 PER ANNUM IN ADVANCE
Our Christmas Story.

We determined to make the Chri.,mos
n mber of.the atlanta Weekly q very attrac-
tive one. We wrote a leader in style ofyig-
orous, unmitigated and aggressive beneyo-
,ehce, we suggested that all mankind ioin
iaaas ;,sut 1, IN ring, for round game This isn't
'oS,on one way W" phrased tive wrote: San
everv IinI Jn;',n ~ Of universal goodwill. whose
eve Iink Is human heart" We finished
our leader with pc oration which wa con
Sluered quite Dickensesque h its tome. and
WOUND up with the suggestion tbot 80, ~,
scrlDers make us happy by PAWN, ~ i i;..Jo
Dill" lhen we arranged the ads, ui,h ~
ehd OF capital letters and exclamation 49,.
we seiected some appropriate poetry. al
thought we were all right as usual whan, 'iau thu
sub editor brought us a note. We rend 'ne ua
we said nothing, but buried our face in on,
hands; we seated ourselfhastily in the abaa-
don OF cur grie a chair in which we had
previously placed our new hat In fact lilo
Rome, we were ''voiee,ess and crownless in
our utter Woe ''Why what's the matterp'
asked the sub editor. We expressed our
feelings in language that we hope our re-
cording angel set down as 81 could
wish this were different but which in
his worlds d ct on was ''Bo her that Old idi-
ot!' Who said the sub-editor" That
good-for-nothing humbug-' Don't exci.e
YOURSELF said the sub-editor, ,soothingly. And
. then we told him our griet-the rising novel;
ist of Atlanta whom we had engaged six
weeks before to write our Christmas story.
had calmly sent us word that he ''shoull
leave town for few weeks, an would not be
abls to fulfill the contract-bu trusted it
would cause no Inconvenience. IN" said
we lMr. N. is our sub-edtor) you might as
well 90 upstairs and tell the intelligent COM
positor to cease from his labors-a the paper
WI WIN not be published this week, on account of
ta.,oes luz uesen OF the editor. Then 60 down and
n@'s sIeain smut Offs nd tie "iunny man"
,oi sne eor9ner and bv the tim he comes
pdcn WIN M hin-we'n be ready to be sat up
on. Don LAX like that SAID the sub edi-
lor you can write better story than that
conceited imbecile could, anv dav ); This
language cheered us little The snb-editor
sharpened pencil and gave US some manu-
script si $, took up our hat aud
tiled to restore it to its orig;-
nal rounded contours, and falling
this, stroked i gently and laid it away rev.
erently on top of pile of rejected manu-
script. ''Now" said he, ''if you'll; try to
write the story, I'll do up the Locals, and at
tend to the bores, and patent wringing ma
chine men and insurance agent, and not a
soul shall come into the sahctum to disturb
| you. So we went to work-fiTst, our dram
| ats personae-g lden hlired heroine, dar,
| haired ditto. worthy but impecunous hero, ,ui =
worthy but wealthy ditto, portly papa NJ =
| tletoe, Holly, Yule log, Grand ,urn-out-
s'the black steeds iretted by their gildel bits,
| pranced and arched their necks proudly"
runaway solden-haired heroine in rriac @
| excellent but INDECENT hero rescues G. h. b..
| Christmas party at house of corpulent father
| -(good opportunity to do little Jenkins)
dark-hai ed heroine wears silk of the new
| shade. In the MIDST of dance, coloring
| matter of dress explodes, dark-haired heroine
goes up to the star-gemmed azure. opulent
but Objectionable hero with whom she is
watZing takes diametrically opposite course.
| The devouriDg element seiZes the palatial
| residence, the Fire Fiend revels in the up
holstery and mels the ice cream. AdveIsity
i has an emollient influence on porty papa,
| which leads him to remark in tie ELUSIVE
| manner hat only the conventional stout rar-
| ent can assume: "Bless you, my ch ldren P'
| referring to golden-hared heroine, and moral
but moneyless hero. The sub-editor thought
this was very fine, lie considered the ex-
plosiye heroine to be the highest style of 1t
erary art. Still, we weren't satisfied. Some
how that story didn't suit u.s. Then we said
| cuietl 4, 1--WE re very much like the great and
| good George Washington-he could chop
wood, but he couldn't tell storyl' Sc we
went home that light in a state of perplexity
and dreamed of plots-gunpowder plots
| and characters on one OF whom we distinct
ly perceived horns and tail
In the morning we definitely concluded
t lat this sort OF thing wouldn't do at all,
/; you know, and were rapidly getting in con-
| dition Ior something desperate, when the
| January ma. azine, came in, full Of good little
| stories. We have always regarded scissors
more reliable than pencils. We chose a story
which we flatter ourselves to be as good as
any which has ever appeared in the .'valuf
| BILE columns OF our ably condu ted Journal
| and our woes ceased.-Atlan' Weekly.