The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1873-09-10
Women on the Briny Deep.

Don Piatt, of the Washington Capt.
tai, now travelling in Europe, writes
back sketches of his tour, got up in his
peculiar racy style. Here is one of
them, on the lady passengers of the
steamer he went over in:
We have an elegant lady of a certain
age, known as Mrs. Morns Mnrticulns,
who affects masculine tnrn for machi-
merry. She attacks the poor captain in
the most unexpected manner as to prin-
ciples in mechani> m. For example:
"Captain, excuse me. but am 50 lie
sirous to learn something substantial
as travel; will you exnlain to ME up-
on what principle tie p opelIcr runs9''
81 must turn tina over to Mr.. Jones"
responded the bluff captain
"Ah! Now, MIR. Jones, what is the
principIe?"
"Screw, madam"
elbow interesting; please explain"
"Simplest thing in the world. Mrs.
Morticulus. A number of nautical gen.
tlemen We're dining together at Del
monico's one evening. Dining the
wine and cigar interval the talk ran on
the trouble of side wheels. One of
these gentlemen, a man mo genius
for mechanics whatever, was idly bal
|ancing a cOrkscrew on his finger. An
idea struck him. He left the table,
carrying off the corkscrew, which was
inserted in the bil. A week after the
gentleman of the idea and cnrksc,ew
appeared in Cranberry Marsh, N. j.,
and consulted Mr.. R"beson, then an
obscure yonng lawyer "f great promise
bnt no practice. He showed Mr.. Rob-
eson a model steamer with the cork
screw screwed in the stern. Mr.. Rob-
eson looked at il a moment and said,
Reverse your screw Tie screw was
reversed, a great step made in mocha
mics, aud the poor lawyer rose to emf
nence."
elbow curious; do, Mr.. Jones, let me
write that down." And Mis-. Morus
Morticulus wrote fourteen pages on the
screw.
We had been running through thou
sand miles more or less, of fog, and the
steam whistle uttered its fearful scream,
every fifteen minutes. This startled
Mrs. Bangs. She said to her maid,
Kitty:
"What a dreadful noise; Kitty. ash,
the Captain if he cannot stop that. l,
is having a very depressing effect on
the nerves of passengers"
"Lor, Mrs. Bangs, they're whistling
ice bergs off the track"
Good heavens, Kitty, are we among
icebe,gsg"
"Of course we are. The chamber.
maid, who's married woman aud ha,
a husband and eleven children in Gas
gov, says as they counted IL hundred
aud niue feet high, or nine hundred
and nine feet high, forgot which, fo
! amt got no head for figures, as the,
went to New York"
"Thc ieebergs, Kitt,?
"Lor no, Mis-. Bangs, the ship; ant
the chambermaid says that if it WASH
for the fog we'd see the must beautiful
lest sight ever seen in the sea.'
Iceberg~? The thought was so terri
BILE that Mrs. Bangs went incontlnen,l!
to bed. That night she awakened he
maid in great terror.
"Kitty, get up! get up quick and sc
out onr lfe-preservers, we're on i'll
iceberg; hear the ship grating on til
bottom"
Kitty stuck he; head ont, listened
moment, and then said sententinusl,:
"Why. Mrs, Bangs, them's rope>!'
Mrs. B. subsidized. She remenbrre
old Bumblobee, who, ON Il like occasion
when sails We're being shifted in
storm, stuck his light capped head fror
his berth and roare.l ON: "Josepl,, g
up aud tell the captain to stop hi
!, his drunken crew from running up au
down the deck: they shake the boat s
it makes me sick. Do you hear9 Sto
it,"
AMEN!-We say amen very hearth