The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-02-21
LIVELY.

/ LIVELY.
| A Chicago German advertises n
"a basement to let on the third
story"
y Wisconsin paper advertises
for sale a COW that gives milk five
years old.
All the difference-the ancients
urned their dead; the moderns
earn their living.
Pennsylvania whisky froze so
hard last week that old topers in
vited each other to have something
to eat. ..... III
| An Indiana editor hires n band
to serenade him twice a week, and
he responds by a column of thanks
next day. .-.
The Nevada doctors don't have
to rob graves to get subjects; the
bodies are spoken for as they
walk around.
The only man who ever had any
reputation for honesty in Il Utah
town is now in Jail for stealing
drove of cattle.
| a Danbury sport wears a ten
cent silver spiece on his shirt bo-
som, and calls it dime and pin:
which it certainly is.
There is man who keeps list
of all the banks in the country, So
as TO say that he keeps a bank ac-
count. - --r
English papers predict that
Americans won't use the postal
card more than month before
they become Disguised. 49,.
The indianapolis Sentinel thinks
that the man who started bath
room in Union City was enterpris-
ing but rash and reckless.
Napoleon, Ohio, never had a fire
worth mentioning until, they got n
volunteer fire department, and now
they have one every week.
The average Massachusetts girl
don't want any better facilities for
sliding down hill, than Goldfish,
with a string through the gills.
A man was shot at Atlanta, Ca,
the other day, and now, according
to the local papers, g fears of his
permanent recovery are express
ed"
An old lady, hearing somebody
say that the mails were very irreg
ular, said; " 1t was just so in my
young days-no trusting on EN-
After the chaplain of the Wis
consin State Prison had taught a
convict how to write, the fellow
forged an order by which he made
his escape.
We hope to see the announce
ment Robert Bonner will erect a
monument to the memory of Fan
ny Fern" in a few more papers be.
fore we die.
A Virginia paper describes a
fence which is made of such crook
ed rails that every time a pig
crawls through he comes out on
the same side.
A London missionary brought
home a Hottentot at considerable
personable expense, and the fellow
went and hired out to a circus the
first week after his arrival.
The editor of the Wabash Sen
tinel wants to know If " the man
who sent him n challenge to fight
| him a duel means business" or
whether IS his blizzard soul laughs
at the CHASTITY joke
The Chinese have no dime nov
els, no billiards or lager beer, and
there is no place at which young
man can pawn his sleeye.buttons
| to get money TO take his girl to
the opera.
An eccentric but benevolent
Danbury man hearing that several
thousand working girls lost all by
the Boston fire, yesterday shipped
them sixteen volumes Of patent Of
fee reports.
With quiet sarcasm a Maine pa
per remarks that after the "Chase
heirs got their thirty-five million
of dollars, more or less, from Eng
land, they will confer a favor by
liquidating small bill at this Of
fee.
A Western paper, with well de-
veloped mathematical tendencies,
calculates that California has rails
ed wheat enough to furnish the
-four to put griddle cake two inch
es wide around the earth in forty
minutes.
A clairyoyant trio, two women
and man, have been travelling in
the South, pretending to cure the
epizootic by the '' laying on of
hands" They practiced on a
Kentucky mule the other day, and
the firm has been dissolved.
Erie, Pennsylvania, is one ofthe
liveliest towns in Western Penn
sylvania, and is a great railroad
center. Last month the freight
receipts at this point were two
boxes of sardines and a bag of
oats, but this month it will be
nearly double that.
/ The Worcester Mass.) Spy re-
marks that " independent journal
ism" as now practiced by those
who make the loudest professions
of it, apparently consists in abus-
ing everybody else by direct at
tack, or inuendo, and piaising
ones self without stint or meas
ure.
|. The other day, says the Troy
Press, a lady having occasion to
leave her apartment for a few
minutes, locked the door and left
} little child OF two years playing
upon the floor. When she came
back she was Mortified to see the
child toying with rat which she
had in one hand and was affec-
tionately caressing with the other.
With a scream ofdismay the young
mother rushed to its side. and.
snatchlng up the rat, proceeded TO
u 4 Il