Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-16
BREyITIES.
Net PRoFITs-A fisherman's.

APPROPRIATE SLANG FOR BURGLARS
| Give us arrest.
BosToN drinks 5000 gallons of soda
water every hot day.
VINO is the oldest lunatic on record
| Time out OF mind.
| Thirty women are employed on lhe
| daily prese of New York.
THE patent ice-machines used Ia the
| South clear 700 per cent proflt.
| APPLYING verbena water to the skin IS
| a protection against mosquitoes.
CANADA runs trains over wooden rail
| ways at the rate of thirty five miles an
| hour.
Why is a talkative woman like the
ocean? Because you can't make her
dry up.
A PATIENT in the Jacksonville, H., In
sane Asylum has recently fallen heir to
$4,000
AN oak recently cut on the Derby,
r. l., turnpike measured nine feet in di-
ameter.
If your unCles sister is not your aunt,
what relation is she to you? She's your
mother.
| GOOD taste is the mOdesty of the mind !;
that Is why it cannot be either initiated or
acquired.
For finling $3.50 pocket-book, Roch-
ester, n. Z, boot-black received twenty
| five cents.
THE Registered Letter Department
earned the Government $4,000 net profit
the last year.
How Is it that summer always passes
so quickly? because there is often an
evening mist
A BoRE-The man who persists in talk
| ing about himself when you wish to talk
about yourself.
= A TRACT of $4,000 acres in Mcdowell
County, n. c., has been sold to an emf
grafton company.
THE anchorage and unexposed parts of
| the Niagara Falls suspension bridge are
as sound as when first put in.
| A PRUDENT clergyman, unwilling to
accuse citizen of lying, said he used the
truth with penurious frugality.
A QUILT exhibited at the Central Hi
nois Fair, made by Miss Sarah Breckon,
of Morgan County, contains 2S,517 pieces.
Two men at Minerville, Mo, have found,
only eight feet below the surface, lump
of lead estimated to weigh 10000 pounds.
A JAMAICA negro defines heaven as a
place where one can lie in bed and have
his jug of rum brought to him by slave.
| The question of the advantage of dis
posing of the dead by cremation is again
revived, and finds numerous jealous ad-
vocates.
| WHEN a woman gets letter she carries
it in her hand; but "a couple of pounds of
| sausages she manages to squeeze into her
| pocket.
"WELL, Robert, how much did your pig
weigh?" at didn't weigh so much as
expected, and l always thought it
wouldn't"
| A DETROIT (Mich) boy makes on an
average over $25 per week backing boots
and selling newspapers, and has now in
bank 100.
THE cultivation of the silk-worm is now
| becoming so extensive in Mexico as to bid
| fair to have an important influence upon
| he silk trade.
THE hull of the British ship Confidence,
the flagship in the battle Of Lake Cham
| plain, is being raised from the bottom of
Plattsburg Bay.
THE span Of the great rOtunda of the
Exhibition building at Vienna is over 10
yards, or double the size of the dome of
st. Peters, at Rome.
No ACTOR has yet been able to counter
felt that expression Of joy which a man
shows when discovering ten-cent stamp
in his paper of tobacco.
An historic character recently died at
Lancaster, n. H., in the person of Julia
A. Miller, who was the great great great
grandchild of King Philip.
A sEA-TURTLE between four and five feet
long, and weighing 400 pounds, was
caught recently in Wye River, near
Brutf>s Island, Connecticut.
AT various places on the Thames River,
England, there are visible, at low water,
the remains of "a submerged forest, over
which the river now flows.
PHOTOGRAPHS of the counterfeit $500
bills have been made six times larger
than the originals and distributed to the
banks throughout the country.
The great equatorial telescope now
being constructed at Cambridge, Mass,
for the Naval Observatory, will be finish
eG the latter part of this month.
MANY public men consider themselves
the pillars of the State who are more
properly the caterpillars, reaching their
high positions only by crawling
A PUPIL in one of the public schools re-
Gently revised an old saying found in his
grammar as follows: at is better to give
than to receive-a good licking"
OF misery man who died of soften
ing of the brain, local paper said:
"His head gave way, but his hand never
did. His brain softened, but his heart
couldnt'
The woman who said the latest thing
out was her husband, was answered by
her neighbOr, who remarked that her hus-
band always came home early-before
any one was up.
SWEDEN has hitherto mainly depended
on England for coal, but henceforth she
is likely to derive sufficient for her needs
from her own mines, which are in process
of development.
IT used to be the boast of Cakes Ames
that he could import iron and steel from
England, make them into shovels, and
then undersell British shovel makers in
the birmingham market
A MISSOURI clergyman was lately
called upon to marry fourteen couples in
one day, and his fees amounted to fifty
pounds of dried apples and duebill for
eighteen bushels of buckwheat.
A FooTMAN from Connemara got a stu
ationin Dublin. On entering a room
where there was a vase with golden fish,
exclaimed, "Well, this is the first time
ever saw red-herring alive"