The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-04-03
VOLUME VII1.---NO. 80.
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

"A dandy on shore is bad enough, but
swell on the sea is sickening.
What do little folks do before going to
sleep? Shut their eyes. - q s''S 80
= Good news for husbands-Ladies wear
their dresses longer than they used TO do.
= Are the Michiganders any relation to the
Portuguese, and if so, how much and what?
Teeth extracted with great palms," is
the rather ambiguous advertisement of dem
tist.
Among the warmest friends of the one
term principle are the convicts in the peniten-
tiary.
= Give to pig when it grunts and to a
child when it cries, and you will have fine
pig and spoiled child.
= Ear-ache may be almost instantly relieved
by rolling a pinch of black pepper in bit of
cotton, and putting in the ear.
There is a man in Newberry who keeps
list of all the banks in the country, so as to
be able to- say that he keeps bank account
T If woman, tells. more than the truth in
speaking of a fiYal's age, she will probably
make the thing even by under stating her own.
= A Danbury man says he has read of beg
gars dying with stockings full of silver, but the
only beggars he ever saw had real estate in
theirs. .t
: Would you rather go through giddy
waltz with pretty girl than go through
pretty waltz with giddy girl? We pause for
q reply. .aF
"A Vermont paper says its town has FIVE
physicians, and in the same paragraph mali
ciously inquiries if it is not about time to lay
out the cemetery incorporated by the last Leg
islature.
1t has been made a question whether the
abolition of the franking privilege will apply
to the widow of President Lincoln, who re-
ceived the right of franking, on her husbands
death, for the rest of her natural life.
= The Southern papers have begun their
annual task of advising the people to plant
less cotton. And, as soon as the people read
such advice, they Immediately go to buying
more cotton-secd and hiring extra hands.
In st. Louis, the other Sunday, the Rev.
DR.. Burfngame preached from the text: Chow
old art thou?" The~next day about one-third
of the women in his congregation called around
to tell him that it was none of his business.
= What kind of cattle do they have out at
Zanesville7 A man there advertises that he
wants "a woman to wash, iron and milk one
or two cows" Washing may do COWS good,
but we don't think they will like ironing
1t is suggested that some of the superfu-
Gus genius which finds relief in the invention
of all sorts of patent machines for useless pur-
poses, might be better employed in the inven-
tion of ballot box which could not be stuffed.
= The Concord IN. H. Monitor attributes
the falling off in the Republican vote in that
State to the quiet canvass, the inclement
weather, over-confdence, and the suicidal ac-
ton of the salary-robbers in Congress. 1t is
gratifying to know what did it.
! Mark Twain has receipt for the celebra-
ted Rochester bean soup, which is compounded
as follows: Take lot of water, wash it well,
ard boil it until it is brown On both sides then
carefully pour one bean into it and let it SIM
mer. When the bean begins to get restless
sweeten it with salt, then put it up in alright
cans, hitch each can to q brick, and chuck
them overheard, and the soup is done.
- Rumors are current in the Southwest as
to the .resuscitation of project started by
General Shields in 1848, to establish new
State on the Mexican side of the Rio Grande,
with San Luis as the capital and Matamoras and
Tampico as seaports. 1t is urged that force
of FIVE thousandImen could take and hold the
territory, and such force could easily be re-
cruited in New Orleans and Mobile, ~,
"A Kentucky editor received the following
note from q subscriber: "'Sir, j motifs few
errors in the obituary of myself.whieh appeered
in your! paper ofnlast weusday, was born In
greenup CO., not caldwell and my yAretirement
from bisness in 1869 was not OWN 70 ii health,
but tu little trouble had in connection with
o horse, san6 the 'eors Of my deth was not small
poxl please make corrections for which i en-
close so cents" -,,,,f,s ,c;,.f.5.ss i!if,i ia..
! = An editor is q man who lives on what
other people owe him until he starves to death.
"A subscriber is one who takes papertand says
he is we'll pleased with it, -aad he tells every
body elsa Hhe7ought, to subscribe. ~ After ne
has subscribed, shout seven years, the editor
writes 70 him and asks him to let him have
$3.50, # two dollars and fifty cents, and then
the subscriber writes back, to- the editor and
tells him not to send his old paper any more,
for there is nothing in it, and then the poor
editor goes and starves to death more.
iH4 The Sumter NetiSs gives us the following,
which lis, the bestofhat we have seen in
month; AS one of our fast-trayeling Radical
citizens dashed through Main street, the other
day, Behind his. gallant, high-stepping, arch
necked steed, some one expressed his admira-
tionj for the hesse, mot the driveH and won
dered where he got him. "A ready-witted old
gentleman, wb9 overhead the quGsi question,
replied promptly, that the animal was sired
BY iithe State Treasury" out Of the dam "tax-
Josh Billings says: GAIL you have to do
to raise oats is to plow the land deep, then ma
nure It we'll, then sprinkle the oats all over
the ground, one In place, then worry up the
ground with a drag all over, then set up mites
to. keep the chickens andiwoodchucks out ov
them, then cradle then, together with kradle,
then rake them tegether with "a rake, then bind
them together, will, band, then stack s. them
together 7wiitf { stack, ;'then thrash them out
with a: ftail, then clean them up with mill,
then sharpen both ends Of them with knife,
then stow them away in the granary, then
spend vet days and Sundays trapping for rats
aud mice. II amt nothing but phun to raise
oats-tryit. Y o .-'e.. -a.H..s'ie.'
TRAINING HEIFER. Cows usually become
addicted to kicking, when heifers, from being
MIXED by abusive mixers. have never seen
an old COW become kicker unless abused. In
stead of cows being ayerse to being milked
when giving large quantity, have ever found
IL the reverse. When pasturage is good, ana