Dallas herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1849-1873, 1873-04-12
HUMOROUS.
What. length ought laly's pctiicoat
TO be A little above two feet.

| What length ought laly's petlicont
to be 2 A little above two feet.
-"Youve got tho drop on me, as thf
criminal on the scaffcld said to the Sheriff
-aTbat he came to his death from
J calling Bill Jackson a liar" was the re-
cent verdict ofa Coroners jury in Mis-
souri,.
What is the difference between the
duties Of valet and the duties of q nurse?
The first brushes ones hat, and the other
bushes ones brat W itifu
"A Mrs. day, of Springfield, H., lately
gave births to quadrupleis. The broken
bearted father says Solomon was quite
right when he said we do not know "what
day may bring forth
There ~ Mt least one unhappy man in
Connecticut. His wife, who has been
dumb for twelve years, has just recovered
her speech Imagine the poor mans con-
ilition when we say she is mnking up for
lost time
"A Danbury man says he has read Of
beggars dying with stockings full of sill
yer, but the only beggars he ever saw had
real estate in theirs
Why isa man who .makes addition
to false rumor and who has confidence
in all that is told him :? Because he relies
on all that he hears. n. 4'
Rural papers severely condemn the
conduct Of '.thc hens that are standing
around barn-yard doors doing nothing
while eggs are selling at so cents doz-
en-, and suggest that, although purely a
lay question, it is one in which the clergy
might well test the efficacy of prayer.
---"Wbat would you give" asked a con-
ceited young man of venerable gentle-
man sitting opposite 10 him at the table,
''io be as young and sprightly as | am ~;
The old man reflected moment, and then
solemnly said, "I don't know but what
would be almost willing to be as + oolish as
you.are."
An Indiana woman is mad because
hA husband took her very best ssheet TO
hang himself, when there was an old
clothes line in the cellar which was good
enough for the purpose. She says he was
always extravaganza and too lazy TO go into
the cellar for anything.
"A Yorkshireman went to consult one
of the most conscientious lawyers, and,af-
ter stating his case, said, snow, sir, |
know you're a lawyer, but l wish you
would just please tell me the trg.h about
this matter"
a--Recently, a proof-sheet of the list of
members of the Michigan House of Repres-
entatiyes was given out, on which correc-
tions were to be made ifany errors were
Soon after, the compiler of
the manual received the following note
from one of the single men . "ln proof
sheet of manual in House, see you say
am married. Please correct, or send the
woman around, and oblige.
An Akron (Ohio) cat, relying npon
his nine lives TO save him, allowed his
all to SWELL his spineto curve, and with
The "banner-cry Of help emanating from
his jaws, wuded in.o buzz-saw in rapid
motion. The cat was never seen again,
but the boss sawyer, who always stood
with his mouth open while at work, re.
marked to his assistant that he could
ataste fiddle-strings and sausage-meat in
The air that morning
-"You seem to be little hoarse, my
Ioye,n remarked Simkins to his spouse,
when she had cold. ga little horse,
indeed ~ she replied, misliking the per-
sonal allusion. ''Better be that than a
big mule"
"A country youth inquired at one of
,ur drug stores forl0 cents worth Of
something that wouldn't
stir her up much, but make her dream of
aim .at nights. The urbane druggists clerk
put up solne mngnesin, and cautioned the
purchaser not to give her too much at
time, but rather win her affection by de-
sress.