Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1873-10-22
Humorous.

My GRANpMorHER's FRRNcH.-An old
Jersey woman of our acquaintance had
an idea that talking very loud and mono
syllabically converted broken English
into excellent French, with the true
Partisan accent. Never shall we forget
the scene-it was some fifty years ago,
but is even now as vivid rs though it
had happened yesterday. A Trenton
lady who had engaged French lady as
governess. all the way from Paris, asked
our venerable grandmother, to receive
her on her arrival, and until she came
to escort her to Trenton.
The steamer arrived, and the Partisan
mademoiselle was put down at our
grandmother's gate in Hoboken, which
then contained about one hundred
houses. On her arrival she handed in
the letter of introduction, and was
Immediately shown into my grand
mothers sitting-room, the servant hav-
ing been told that she expected IAN
outlandish lady, who was expected that
day from Europe.
/ was sitting in my grandmother s
picking -room-for forty years ago every
old homestead had a picking and pre-
serve-room-when the servant came in
and handed to my ancient relative the
letter of introduction. The old lady
inquired:
"Where is the polly VOC lady ?"
"In the parlor.
81 will soon come down let her wait J
After reading the letter. my grand
mother rose majestically, Just as you
can fancy the Queen OF Sheba,-and
descended to the parlor floor. In an
other moment she returned, leading
with her a very nice-looking lady of
twenty-five.
When they hal entered the room, my
grandmother, pointing to chair, bid
her foreign guest emphatically to it,
and said, in distinct tone of voice:
"YoUNG- FRENCHwoMAN-TAKE-sE -
The fair foreigner did as she was bid.
and took seat, fact that convinced
my grandmother that she perfectly well
understood New Jersey French.
1t being about tea-time. and the kettle
boiling on the old-fashioned hob, our
venerable relative said:
"Idke- cup tea do .pOu- good young
Frenchpoman, uttering every syllable
with metallic distinctness.
The puzzled parley rOUS shrugged
her shoulders, and looked piteously at
her.
"The woman's half fool, like all
foreigners, said grandmother, in a soto
roce; 81 talked to her as plain as l
could speak"
At last bright thought struck her.
She resolved, as Hamlet advised, to
suit the action to the word, and seizing
the kettle, which Missed and foamed
from the spout, advanced to the alarmed
Mam'SeiLe Pariey Pous, and shook it
in heI face, shouting out:
DO you good, young French rom0n!"
The unhappy and puzzled creature
rose from her seat. and, retreating in
/ fright. cried:
I "Pitie moi, madame ?"
4 Ii was rich scene-there was the
evidently terrified demoiselle retreating
round the room, while my grandmother
pursued her with the kettle, which she,
to be more emphatic and intelligible,
kept shaking under her nose, the steam
gushing in Jets into her eyes, and nearly
binding her. t-sla tast
Three times did she pursue her VIC
tim, uttering her disiointed gibberish
in louder. and louder shrek, when
the door opened, and our Trenton friend
entered. My grandmother restored the
kettle to its simmering spot. and well
coined her old companion. After few
words of French between Miss Farley
Vous and her employer, the latter
amazed my grandmother by telling her
that she had nearly frightened her
French governess to death, and that
the poor creature implored my grand
mother to inform her why she was
going "to knock her brains ont with
the teakettle" My Hoboken relative
never could make out why people are
such fools as not to talk English when
it Is SO easy. 1t, however, shook her
faith in the teskettle, as a pantomine
medium for conveying the French Ian
guage.