The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-03-21
scIssoRrNGs.

aaaA.
Mutual friends--Kerosene and
coroners.
People who sell hay do business
on large scale.
Bill Shanks says that courtship is
bliss. but matrimony is blister.
One may live as conqueror, o
king. or magistrate; but he must
die as man.
..I see through it." as the washer
woman said when the bottom of her
tub fell out.
Driver. are you running on time
today" mo. sir. was the keen
reply, 1--WE are running for cash. "
The most beautiful may be most
admired and caressed, but they are
not always the most esteemed and
loved.
A penknife stabbing affray between
two young ladies is the latest sensa-
ton in Delaware county, Pennsyl-
vania.,
a proprietor of soothing syrup
frankly says that after the baby has
taken one bottle of it he will never
cry any more.
He that thinks himself the hap
piest man is really so; but he that
thinks himself the wisest. is generally
the greatest fool.
A little girl was holding a kitten
sr,h he. l1N,lx, ~ f1k
it drop. saying: ''0h, dear me, she's
got pins in her toes.
Mark Twain thinks himself better
man than George Washington. He
says, Washington could not tell a
lie. I can, but won't"
The difference between sealing-wax
and women. says Reuben. is that one
burns to keep secret and the other
to tell it. Slander!
A man who was told to remember
Lots wife, replied that he had trouble
enough with his own, without re-
membering other mems wives.
A young man who was crossed in
love attempted suicide recently by
taking dose of yeast powder. He
Immediately rose above his troubles.
A doctor went for a days sport.
and complained of having killed
nothing. That's De consequence
of having neglected your business"
observed his wife.
Have frank explanations with
friends in cases of affronts. They
sometimes save a perishine friend
ship; but secret discomfort aud mis-
trust always end badly.
You will always notis one thing;
the devil never offers to go into part
nership with bizzy man; but yu will
often see him offer tew jine the lazy,
and furnish all the capital.
Z gentleman in Springfield asked
another whether certain doctor had
any practice. ''Oh, yes" was the
reply, Il assisted in laying out one
of his patients the other day"
A woman lecturer says woman's
sphere Is bounded on the north BY
her husband, on the east by her baby,
on the south BY her mother-in-law,
and on the west by maiden aunt.
A recreant husband in Patterson,
n. j., has been compelled to pay 81
weekly for his wife's support, the
Court having refused to recognize
divorce which he procured in Indiana.
An ignorant woman, of great
wealth aud pretensions, said, in re-
sponse to compliment about some
mutton on her table: "Oh, yes,
my husband always buys the best.
He isn't stiagy. and. besides. he's a
great epicac."
The wearing of false hair is traced
back to the time of Margaret of Ma
varre, who, through sickness, lost all
of hers, and had to depend upon the
blonde locks cut from plebeian heads.
Sac was among the first, If not the
first, ladies who wore wigs.
The man who can't be happy un-
less his mother-in-law lives in tie
same house with him isn't resident
of New York. He lires in jersey
City. He says she's the only woman
who can tackle his wife successfully.
They take up SO much time iawing
each other that he has a peaceful
life.
By being contemplate, we set
mems minds to the tune of contempt.
1t is in those acts called trivialties
that the seeds of Joy are forever
wasted, until men and women look
round with haggard faces at the de-
vastation their own waste has made,
and say the earth bears no harvest
of sweetness.
An extraordinary hen in Lewiston,
Me-, cackled with admirable regular
ity, but she laid ne'er an egg. An
exasperating irregularity like this de-
manded scientific attention. The hen
YVES sacrificed, and the post mortem
developed the presence of twenty-five
good eggs inside this Incompetent
sible fowl. We are reminded of a
somewhat analogous phenomenon
among human beings; but then, in
spite of the noise thev maka uo