davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11
WIT AND HUMOR.

To make hens lay-Tie their legs
together so they can't stand up.
If Heaven helps those who help
themselves, how well thieves must get
along!
A Western paper has this delicate
personal item: "Those who know nice
old Mr.. Wilson of this place personally,
will regret to hear that he was assault
ed in a brutal manner last week, but
was not killed"
An orator, getting warmed with his
subject, exclaimed, "There is not
man, woman, or child in the house, who
has arrived at the age of fifty years. but
what has felt this truth laundering
though their minds for centuries.
A would be author was advised to
try the effect of one of his compositions
on the folks at home without confess
sing its authorship. His mother fell
asleep, his sister groaned, his brother
asked him to shut up, as they had had
quite enough of shower of words with
out wit, and at last his wife tapped
him upon the shoulder, with the sweet
est possible "Won't that dos" He
then saw how it was himself, buried his
portfolio, recovered his digestion, and
has been happy man ever since.
For the genuine spirit of Christian
meekness commend us to the old lady
of New Haven, who entered the sanct-
uary last Sunday and disappeared sud
denly through hole cut for the regis
ter of a new furnace and carelessly left
uncovered. She brought up among the
rubbish in the cellar but slightly dam
aged, and humbly apologized under the
impression that her weight had made
the ugly hole in the floor.
Max Adeler says they tell a story
about man who put the saddle hind
part foremost upon his horse while in a
condition of dizziness, superinduced by
fre-water. Just as he was about to
mount, a German friend who came up
told him to hold on a minute, because
the saddle was wrong and wanted re-
fixing. The horseman gazed for mo-
ment at the intruder, as if in deep
thought, and then said: "You let that
saddle alone. How in thunder do you
know which way l am going:" And
the gentleman from Germany passed on
The combination exhibited in first
class woman lecturer is somewhat curl
Gus to student of such things. A
Massachusetts paper says: "In person
Miss Stanton is graceful and attractive,
and her finely cut features express a
broad culture no less than keen analy-
sis of character, joined to the poetic
tenderness of true woman. She was
dressed in elegant black velvet with
white satin trimmings, and wore a
beautiful necklace of pearls Suppose
we were to treat male lecturers in the
same way. In person Mr.. Phillips is
dignifed and manly, and his elegantly
carved countenance indicates deep
thought and sharp analysis of men
and things, joined to the prosy rough
ness of a genuine man. He was dress
ed in English broadcloth with velvet
collar to his coat, and wore lovely
gold watch and chain.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

The inventor claims that his ELEVATOR excels any
other apparatus that has been brought before
public for the of raising water from wells.
chief merits First water is obtained from the
well in and colder state, for the that il
drawn from near the bottom. Second-It is operated
with the least difficulty particularly in lifting certain
amount of water from depth IN given time
pared with other mode. Third-It obyates all ne
cesy for going down into the well in putting in the
machinery for repairing the same. such lab
be performed at the surface. Fourth 1t be easily
taken out of one well, and ferred to another
Fifth 1t Is less liable of repair when
repairs necessary they can be easily made by
the action made by the endless chain and
keeps the well properly ventilated; there is possib
ty for the person operating it tnor for child to tall
into the well
=. S.-These Elevators now being made by
machinery in st. Louis, No, and will be sold at
reduction of $40 on former prices. They will be
exhibition at the STATE FAIR in Sacramento this
For circulars and particulars, address
BALL & CRARY,
Conner WASHINGTON and Second Sts.. OAKLAND Cal.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11


WARRANTED HIS GooDs.--Od Adam c.,
resident of Berks County, Pennsylvania,
had queer habit of making correct mis-
takes. When about to sell an antiquated
horse, he was interrogated as to the age of
the beast.
"Vell," he replies, guess about nine
over ten."
In a short time the purchaser discovered
the fraud, returned with the animal, and
said:
Mr.. c., what made you cheat me in
selling me this horse? Didn't you tell me
he was nine or ten, and here he is over
twenty"
NO, no; l sheats nobody. l say he is
nine over ten, and he is all of dat"
AT another time, when selling balky
horse, he was asked if the horse was true to
pull and good to drive. Old Adam says:
"ln the morning you gets your wagon
out, and puts de harness on good; hitch
him fore de wagon good; take up de lines
and vip and tell him go. tell you, he is
right dair, every time
The buyer started satisfied but after fol-
lowing directions. he found him right dair,
every time," and no amount of persuasion
couiu Hiake nih cnange MS position. Buy
er, of course, returns the horse but old
Adam "sheats nobody" He told him
shust as it was
Having quantity of wood that had been
exposed to the weather until it had be,
come spoiled, he wished to dispose of it.
Taking a load to market, customer inquiries ::
"ls it good wood? Will it split good ?"
"Sphlit? Yah, sphlt like CANDLE
Any one who has split candles can judge
how the wood split. The next time old
Adam came to market he was reproached
with selling rotten wood; but old Adam
sheats nobody! he tells him shust as it was.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

THE JAPANEsE.-The following bit
of pleasantly from the Hearth and
Home, reminds us that the world does
indeed move, and in the right direction,
after all:
We saw three well-dressed japanese
gentlemen Zone had kid gloves on y on
the ferry boat the other day, discussing
the merits of the East River bridge,
and from their evident intelligence, and
their earnest gestures, we gathered that
they were quite able to comprehend it.
These people are not only overturning
all their old institutions, but are even
proposing to adopt one of the Western
languages as court and literary tongue.
They are hesitating between the Ger
man and English. The English is so
barbarously irregular, that they may
well stop and think before subiecting
almond-eyed children to the severe
drill of our photography, and the COM
plex perplexity of our irregular verbs.
But the undaunted Japanese propose to
improve our tongue by submitting it to
a japanning process. They will cure
our photography of its bad spell by
phonetics; they will then take the
kinks out of our irregular verbs, and
thus get a satisfactory speech. And
when they have thinked the matter
over, and sceked out new devices, and
thus bringed the language to perfection,
and putted it to rights, we, who have
fnded our verbs so awkward, will have
students sended to Japan, and have
them teached their mother-tongue, and
have the language bringed home again.
1t will be so much better than the one
we have had heretofore.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11
FARM AND GARDEN.

YOUNG Men AND FARMING Should a
young man engage in farming? We say
yes. He should for many reasons There
are too many non-produeers now. Farming
Is healthful pursuit. 1t is pleasant one
with few exceptions. 1t tends to long life.
1t brings one in direct contact with the
works of nature. The earth, vegetation
the air, the clouds, are constantly about him
or in view. He can study nature in all her
changing moods. He is almost sure of a
living, and has good chance. provided he
has sufficient capital. to secure comfort
able fortune. We believe there is no busi-
ness that pays better on the amount of cap
ital invested. Many think that those who
are not fit for business will do for farmers,
and if they have not sufficient capital to give
them good start in trade they had better
go to farming.
This is all wrong. Talent can be used to
good advantage on the farm as well as in
the counting-room capital can also be EN-
ployed there, and it Is a fact that too many
farmers lack that important element. and so
have to plod on for years, just keeping soul
and body together, when if they had greater
means that they could employ, would be
able TO lay up money. Let young men who
are looking about to see what they had bet
ter do for living remember the advantages
of farmers life, and the uncertainties of
mercantile business that nine-tenths OF all
the business men in the large cities fail
some time during their business life, and
many die poor, leaving families, possibly to
struggle on in want. Such thing rarely
happens to the farmer, however small his
meaEs. If one object of the young man be
to make himself useful in the community,
then he will stand a better chance of making
his influence felt in rural neighborhood
than in the crowded city, where he might
find and be obliged to compete with those
greatly his superiors. We grant that in
farming there is no chance to gain riches
suddenly, and it is well there is not, and it
would be better if there was not in any d.
rection, for the desire to become rich at a
single stroke has ruined thousands, while
sudden riches have really benefited few.
We wish we could speak to the thousands
of young men now on farms in New Eng
land, but who are looking forward to the
time when they will be old enough to leave
the old homestead to seek their fortunes in
the crowded marts of trade 1t is a sad
sight to see thousands of old farm houses
going to decay because the occupant is too
old to carry on the farm and keep the build
ings in repair, while the son, and the daugh
ters too, in many cases, have gone away,
never to return to keep the farm Many
farms are going back to a state of nature,
growing up to wood for want of care. Young
men, ponder well before you decide to throw
away certainty on the farm for the uncer-
tainty of trade.-Portland Transcript
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

RECEIPT FOR GROWING FAT-Go to
bed at half-past eight or nine and don't
be in hurry about getting up in the
morning. On going to bed and on get
ting up in the morning, drink as much
cold water as you can swallow. Soon
you will learn to drink two tumblers :;
and some persons may learn to drink
still more. Drink all that your stomach
will bear. Spend good deal of time in
the open air without hard exercise, but
exposed to the sun. If practicable, ride
in a carriage some hours every day. Re-
main out enough to give you good ap-
petite, but don't work hard enough to
produce excessive perspiration Eat a
great deal of oatmeal porridge, cracked
wheat, Graham mush, baked sweet ap-
pies, roasted and boiled beef, though
the vegetable part is more fattening than
the animal part. Lie down an hour in
the middle of the day, just before you
take your dinner, to rest, and, if possi-
bic, take a little nap. Cultivate Jolly
people. Laugh and grow fat /" rests
upon sound physiological basis. A
pleasant flow of the social spirit, is a
great prompter of digestion. Keep your
skin clean, sleep in a room where the
sun shines, keep everything sweet and
clean and fresh about your bed sleep
nine, if possible ten, hours in twenty
four, eat as you have been told, cultivate
the Jolly spirit, and in six months you
Will be as plump as you could wish.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

The English-speaking people of Jeddo
Japan, have built, by their voluntary offer
ings, new union church, which was re-
Gently dedicated. 1t is open every Sunday
morning for divine service.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

The following letter, rerbatim ct lit
eratim, was received by an undertaken
recently, from an afflicted widower:
" Sur-my Wiaf is ded and Wonts to
be berried temorror, At woner klok. U
nose wair to dig the Hole-bi the siad
Of my two Other wiafs-Let it be
deep!"
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

Dickey's Creme de Lis-For Cie@hss"s
and Preserving the Teeth Beautiying the Compie&oh'
and removing Freckles, Eruptions, Sunourn' ana ian
New Combination equal to the best French prepara-
ons, and free from their poisonous ingredients In
vented by GEO s. DICKEY. Chemist.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

Coal AsHEs.-As an absorbent, dry coal
ashes are equal to dry earth, and much more
convenient. Every family that has patch
of land big enough to swing cat in, should
make it rich by having hogshead where a
bushel or two of coal ashes are thrown in as
basis. Into it pour all the foul water of
the family, and throw in the dry ashes of
each day. Twice year upset this recep-
tacle and spread the contents over the gar
den, and spade it in before the ammonia
escapes.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11

CARE OF THE FEET Concerning this
very important subject, the Scientific
american truly says Many are care
less in the keeping of their feet If they
wash them once week they think they
are doing well. They do not consider
that the largest pores of the body are sit
uated in the feet, and that the most Of
fensive matter is discharged from these
pores. They wear stockings from the
beginning to the end of the week with
out change, which become completely
saturated with offensive matter.
Ill health is generated by such treat
ment of the feet. The pores are not re-
pellants, but absorbents, and this fetid
matter, to greater or less extent, is ta-
ken back into the system. The feet
should be washed every day with pure
water, and the stockings should not be
worn more than day or two at time.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11
Spefial Autiffs.

FOR SUPERIOR PHOTOGRAPHS, go to hDooAAi
4 Conn 80. Kearuy Stree. San Francisco as the
Premium for best general Photographic WIN
awarded them at the Mechanics Institute Far LOT
All work guaranteed.
The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-01-11
DIR. AKIN

(From the East now permanently located here,)
CURES RECENTAND CHRONIC DISEASES OF THE
Eyes, Ears Throat, Lungs, Heart, Nerves,
Stoma, b. Liver Kidneys and Blood: including
Catarrh Deafness Discharges from the Ears,
Failing sight, Sore. Weak or Iniamed Eyes,
Cough, Bronchitis Consumption, Nght-Sweats
Epilepsy. Palsy, Nervous Affections, Debility.
Neuralgia, Rheumatism. Dyspepsia, Piles, Dropsy,
Scrofula, Fever Sores skin Diseases, Erysipelas,
COrpulence, Golre, HareLip, Fistula, Rupture etc.
LADIES, Married or Single suffering from any de-
rangemen of health assured of speedy relief and
DIR. AKIN has superior in the Speciality OF
Diseases OF Women, and all lid ladies consult him
confidently. Avoid drugging as well as sickness.
Gamers and Tumors easily removed, also Wens Warts
Enlarged Tonss, and disfgurng Marks.
ng- Young or Old, desiring to attain full health and
last will be given conscientious counsel and reliable aid
without quackery deception those affected with
blood other diseases, who would avoid mercury
nauseOus drugs, can be of obtaining DR.
AKIN the most efficient treatment by mild, safe
dies and of randi thorough and permanent Those
advised to call DIR. AKIN for skfu and salts
factory treatment Of any important case. medical
surgical Terms reasonable. Medicines, ETC.. supplied
n1R- Patients of every class can rely on the most
careful attention and best results Whatever your dis
circunst doctoring in vain do de-
spair for here be certain OF relief
able
20 Come prepared TO arrange requisite treatment.
cR~ Call. write symptoms carefully and send (hy
registered letter T. o. or Draft) $40 to $50 according
case, for Advice and supply OF Remedies by Express
Address, N. j. AKIN, M. d.,
Office, 1877 Montgomery ST, cor Bush,
Opposite Occidental Hotel, San Francisco. CAL
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
T!;c lcv,. Ec::..3at in EnDSiVS.

l. Is 3 little 81. .alas Why you: wife.
mo.he. Will re:si.: IL sleeping on cord
bed..eaL BIZ: sl. does. Iou don't tiIi...
60 I.ucl Cs III. until you are called uvc:l 90
put !. W. which even: generally takes place
in The evening, The bed lead has beer clean
Ell il, the afternoon. AID having been soaked
through with Ao: water. IS Row ready 70.
putin, u, Your wits holds tie lamp and
take. charge o; ,.le CONVERSATION. the rope
la. been unde: w:.ta. several times IN tie
co.:.e o: the cleaning. and having swo.e:.
&c :. G;aInete: create. than the holes in tie
rails. las also 90: into q Il: 0. ceiling W.
;r.o r-:,er;cus and very intricate forms.
You &. frs: Uoldec at this. but pretty soon
voude. cease. to lie a virtue. au. you
then scold. The thread which has been
wound around tie end Of TIE rope 70 ia
ci.i:arc Its introduction in the holes. Ia.
come OF. AID yo.. have 60 .ol! it up again.
TLe.. after 80. base pulled il through
e .h: holes. :oIr wife MAKES the discovery
tia: you have started wrong. The way
that rope comes out OF those hole. again
make. Your wife Sc: close. to the door.
Then sou try again, and get 1t tangled il
you. legs. By this time You notice that
This is the smallest bedroom IL the house.
and yo,. cali the attention Of your wife to
tie fac. 5y observing: why on earth don't
you c.es :-e deg. Do ye- var: &c
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
uow We Bald RailrOad,s

III. Shreveport: Scn!lt.st.'c' !t!e9!'.'.'s
;.Vi:e. Il. reader. 20 behold g contrast:
A. i. ,ake- Louisiana men abou. a gene.
s..;o. 20 build thirty miles OF railroad. it is
ua.vc'ous how fast other people can build
{l,c:r Tie Texas system and success make.
u. ashamed. SSh the Texa. Pacific, IN.
de: Coloael Scott and his fast corp. @. sub
al.errs. is not ahead of the Northern Pa
rifc. which. running through country of
almost parpe tual SHOWS, compared With our
coute. las already built 500 miles Of its
line, has earned about 10000, 0o0 of acres of
the land grant, and is now prepared to
open i, up to Immigration. If We would
only look al that Northern people, occa-
sienally, in some other than a political
light. we would ses nuch 70 admire and
vy2:. - ;nitrte.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
The Coming Glove

'I.,: Aic'er" says: 1--WE are engaged
0cw il. .ieyeloyin. scheme for growing
liz. glow. upon the original animal. Oar
ul.i friend. Darwin. teaches US that Ue can
s.o aimos, ANYTHING with breeds y, iuGicious
selection. and We are convinced that. w!th
q iit:l. cake. It viii! not lie impossible 20
produce :. aeas: who.c sAir when
s.tir'e. oii vii. max. a .eamles. kid
yloy.. Gur inst experiments axe with
lzar.s. Il iza.i has iou: legs and
{: TAI Now, We heiieys .hat eventually
she ~ ..rs t.: can I've developed into a
thu.ab. =, lille The three othe. leg. and .he
tai! can he arranged as fingers. We are
s.o.si,.. lizards WitL short tail.. with those
81 long legs. and we are now looking around
T.: variety u lizard with a button 81 Two
a. it,. neck, !oy The purrose Of breeding it
!. with The others. The ultimate result
y:c'ni.. to %. startling. /! viii break MP
g.. old glove trade and drive Jouvin 10 SUI
eide. Tim, !. j: that human III .enu!iy adj
v..l.s a.,.uaa civilization.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
A e,Orned LEGISLATOR.

4 gentleman who now oecupie. . seat in
tIe upper branel. o: the New York Lcglsla'
ture. 5u. at the time was a member ct the
Assembly, relates the following:
'Pe,l .ins was As honest Z. man as eve: set
Zoo: III Albany. Money wouldn't buy him.
and knew II. but though: would have
q !ittl. gun with him. SO | went down to his
room one evening and said Perkins. what
do you think cf that underground railroad
bill: Are YOU going to vote tor II
"Wsll.' said Perkins. y haven't made up
nv mind set. exactly. ! an. inclined to
tlin. il is "A good bill; bu: why Go you ask"
IL thought yOI ere IN favor OF it, said l,
'and - long AS you have concluded to vote
1oc il. Just wanted 80 say 70 You that the
n!eE interested III it are paying s5oO for
votes. and Il. Il is coming up On its final
passage tomorrow. you can just as well
have The money as not; yCU.! vote :oE the
bill. anyway.
cred .he :rate Perkins. No. sir. Ii im.
yrcpe: mean. are being taken 10 pass this
thing. AS son say. ! iUr enc will vote against
j: every sine. iou can pa; me down mo.
go. don: care anything about the bill,
eaid |. y was only trying to do yoI favor
anG :!,ink 1 can vet. fer 10 tell the truth
the :.vai companies are here IL full force
GuG axe 40. Ing heaven ana Garth 10 defeat
il. Tie. are paying the sane amount for
'no.s' and as long as you are bound TO vote
tina: way, III ge; you sLe tive hundred dol
Lax. a.. IA. same.
"'Ca.. such Things De exclaimed Perkins.
rising from Nj. seat and ;earin. up and
down tie room. in a whirlwiII o! righteous
wrath and yir.Uous Indignation. What a
stat. .. things THE is. 4 plague on both
Q: you' Louses, I won't vote at al :
".aIi yigh,.' said /, as laid ms hand on
tile door. II. &c: sou five hundred dollars
Cor being absent
And as the Jolly Senator brought to mind
81. horror 8! perpleMty in which this last
~. y, si..oH inv .lvcd old Perkins. ne reared
with i.U .ht.v. Aldany (N.c Io.i. Tunes
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
ONLY SAD MISTAKE.

Only bunder, a sad mistake
. All nv own faust, and I!ue alone.
The saddest error heart can III axe
y was SO young OF wOUG !! ave AAp".s
Only his rare, eveet, winning sn.s
Only a lingering touch o: his hand:
think ! was dr.am:D. all the w!!i."-
The reason did 10. understands
Yet se.ne where l-e iasi men WOO t!iie ~sL:
That ewes speak sometimes before the tongue
And was sure he woud speak some Gay -
Pardon. the folly, was so.o1aS
Was 7 say soy nov al: oil
So old il seems like hundfed .."fs
Since I felt nv heart grow ng hs- j aad GO %
With pain too bitter Ani 1eep 10. 'es'~
saw him ie An ovs, the strange: schAr
With a warn. new 2ht ~ his be1I'!.l.t e.ess
And woke from M 1reanl:i. tae:i "a" t-"se'
And went (,t y! my seat IL 81. PtlA e.se.
Re ,eve- iove. ne, kspr, sec
Such sad, sad buntc,s a: y'laS aeaits WEARS
she aid uOt win !. m asav from ne,
For he WAS not Diile. ]. WAS u mist.s"'
. woman .no;ild wa: 70, . III al . sTesS
Before she dreams OF ii, love, Town
:;u. was gin: q; sArsttS are "ta.
And tie pam, ike the fault, is m!.ie a.'-e.
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-06-08
70. the Sunday Republican,
THE PROPOSITION

Es asked 'ne if ID have .li'.
and plumply tod lin 40
III. wanted WHY'S and u!sr.:o,es.
But would 10: ;..ss h.!. ~.
4 woman ac..ln't--nes. .ar
distress hcys.l: 10: HE.
because sons. .n.IoUs fellow
Should chance 70 wan. . wife!
;ie said was too sippaa:
voy a woman of my KIND:
Tha. he wasn't fond OF magp,sss
And he liked al austere mi1G
t.a;J he necin. name il.
For I needed no:--ao:!:
What sor: AZ an.ttGe mind Wa.
. But loved AZ oyster pc.
y. isu.h",-:il:, fov-ne! i.oI TIE.
And SAID vas 20. cU.:.
That wit Vas more than s.Ea:taesa;
twas jus; mite TOO Ie!:.
I said il was III. .lulih.-.-
That ms vi: il. cos.l,. 10. So:
But perhaps Ia make him .!"avt. u
lie shOGlG svsE EaIry me:
*. saii IA better :ake llM.
That I'd mis-. come otl.t. .uAL,
And then ID like 10 .et hi'il.
Then catch ise j: ycE .s.'
0 sad he need ut tea: IL.
There was May hsttS. a.A:GA
To ii .ht bridal candle
when had %. 20 ease.
lie said I'd better marry.
Life WAS nos aiA.Es Nas.
Snd was nj grow In. ycuns.s
And prstties every dag.
But q WOMAN ought Gc:-O1..s sAs:
TO live lie for life
Because ''tbe right ois" = missing.
OK she car not &c lis wife.
c1yEN