Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1873-06-07
WONDERFUL INVENTION,
Boon Of ur~alisni-Irresistible Combs.
nation Kicker.

1 natlOn A1ckefs
I have invented machine for the
purpose of reducing the number of ex-
change fends now in existence. As
manv Of your exchanges know, exchange
fends are persons of great perseverance
who continually drop in the room where
the exchanges of newspaper office are
kept, and wrestle with them under the
pretence of searching for the Daily San
Francisco C,'usler, or the Bull,chacker,
or some other sheet which they offer tt
swear they can't find at the news stands:
These persons, as if their presence
alone was not sufficiently borrowing,
have way of sitting for at least half
an hour at time and rattling the pa
pers in the exchange basket in man
ner intended to exasperate and confuse
every one at work within range Of the
noise. They do worse. When one of
them is informed that the paper wanted
is not to be had, he invariably says:
An old one will do just as we'll" and
his brow darkens with unmanly suspi.
cion when he is told that the paper he
wants has positively been carried out.
these persons also make tedious and
unnecessary explanations consuming
much valuable time and wearing out
the patience. They know every thing
that is disagreeable, and practice it per-
sistently. All their faults, if written of
here, would make this thing too long,
The invention to which I refer is
known as Bogardus' Patent Irresisti-
bic Combination Kicker for the use of
newspaper offices;" and 1t is in every
respect superior to the buzz saw now
in use in some of the western newspa-
per establishments. It consists mainly
of-first large, strongly constructed
chair, in the bottom of which are con-
cealed numerous remarkable springs of
extraordinary power; second, an inn
mense boot, made of hard, unyield-
ing substance and connected beneath
the floor with the chair; third, number
of strong rods and things connecting
the whole with the steam engines of the
establishment. The boot and chair are
also connected with a powerful hook;
which is concealed in the ceiling. 'hH
As the unsuspocting fiend approaches,
he is requested to be seated in the
chair, which is placed close to the basi
ket in which the exchanges are kept.
just rs he settles in the seat and reaches
for an exchange, a member of the edi:
torial staff suddenly jerks convenient
knob; the powerful and wonderful
springs in the chair begin to toss the
tiend in most extraordinary manner;
a portion of the floor slides away, and
the immense boot swings into view,
making kind of crashing noise as
though the building were falling. FL
a few seconds more the remarkable
springs, true to their task, throw the
astonished fend into position which
makes him face the door. The con-
cealed hook then drops from the ceiling
and seizes him by the coat collar, and
then the boot, with the rapidity of
lightning, is put where it will do the
most good.
When the boot has gone rapidly back
and forth for about half a minute, the
machinery is stopped, the shattered
iend is lowered to litter and carried
out; and for six weeks he languishes
under the impression that he has been
assaulted from behind by the tutolory
demon of the press or some equally
exasperated monster too hidenus to de-
scribe. He never returns to the ext
change basket. ... ...... ..,.
The Patent Irresistible Kicker is very
effective, and has been known to shat
ter one of DIR. Harding's celebrated in!
terviewing cushions at one blow. I
anticipated q great demand for it as
soon as it's merits become known. The
specification of this PATENTS the spring
work of the chair, with its connecting
boot. S. G. BRA1THwAFrE BodARDUs.
Louisville, April 8.
Prr Aoprr,rrNr;s I'M Wrrr1Nn -Hox.