Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1873-04-25
5fliscelinmY,
Taking up a Carpet
From tho Utica Herald.

The annual ceremony of taking up,
and whipping, and putting down, carpets,
is almost upon us. 1t is one OF the Ills
which flesh is heir to, and cannot be
avoided. You 90 home some pleasant
spring day, at peace with the world, and
find the baby with clean face, and get
your favoriie pudding for dinner. Then
your wife tells you how much younger
YOU are looking, and says she really
hopes she can turn that walking suit she
wore last fall, and save the expense OF a
new suit, and then she asks you If you
can't Just help her about taking up the
carpet. If you are fool, and you gen
orally are by that time, you tell her of
course you can Just as well as not. Then
she gets a saucer for the tacks ana stands
and holds it, and you get the claw, and
get down on your knees and begin to
help her. You feel quite economical
about the three first tacks, and take them
out carefully and put them in the saucer.
Your wife is good about holding the sau-
Ger, and beguiles you with an interesting
story about how your neighbours little
boy is not expected to live till morning.
Then you come to the tack with crook
ed head, and you get the claw under it
and the head comes off and the leather
comes off and the carpet comes off, and
AS it won't do TO leave the tack in the
floor, because it will tear the carpet when
il is put down again, you 60 TO work ano
skin your knuckle, and get silver I'M
der your thumb nail, and tell your wife
81, oh h0t
and make lp your mind that 1t does not
make any difference about that tack,
and so you begin on the corner where the
carpet is doubled two or three times, and
has been nailed down with single nail
You don't care continental about saw
ing the nail, because you find that it is
not good time for the practice of econ
omy; but you do feel little hurt when
both clauses break off fcom the claw,
and the nail does not bulge peg. Then
your manhood asserts itself, and you
rise in your might, and throw the carpet
claw at the dog, and get hold of the car
pet with both hands, and the air is full
Of dust and flying tacks, and there is
fringe of carpet yarn all along by the
mop-boards, and the baby cries and the
cat goes anywhere, anywhere out of the
world, and your wife says you ought to be
ashamed Of yourself to talk so, - but
that carpet comes up Then you lift
one side of the stove, and your wife tries
to get the carpet from under it but cant
because you are standing on it. So you try
a new hold, and just after your back
breaks, the carpet is clear. You are not
through yet. Your wife don't tell you
any more little stories, but she gets your
old coat and hangs it on to you, and
smothers You with that carpet, and opens
the back door and shoves you out, and
intimates that the carpet needs whipping.
When you hang the tormentiDg thing
across the clothes line the wrong way,
and get it righted, and have itslide off
into the mud, and hang it up again, and
get half pint of dust and three broken
tacks snapped out Of the northwest cor
ner into your mouth by the wind, you
make some observations which you neg
lected to mention while in the house
Then you hunt up stick and go for
that carpet The first blow hides the sun,
and all the fair face of nature behind a
cloud of dust and right in the center of
that cloud, with the wind square in your
face, no matter where you stand, you
WELD that cudgel until both hands are
blistered, and the milk of human kind
ness curdles in your bosom. You can
whip the carpet a longer or shorter peri
cd, according to the size of your mad it
don't make any difference to the carpet,
it is just as dusty, and fuzzy, and gener-
ally disagreeable after you have whipped
it two hours as it was when you COM
menced. Then you bundle it up, with
one corner dragging, and stumble into
the house, aud have more trouble with
the stove, and fail to find any way of u.s.
ing the carpet stretcher while you stand
on the carpet, and fail to find any place
to stand, off from the carpet, and you get
on your knees again. while your wife
holds the saucer, and with blind conf
denee hands you broken tacks, crooked
tacks, tacks with no points. tacks with no
heads, tacks with no feathers, tacks with
the biggest end at the point. Finally,
the carpet is down, and the baby comes
back, and the cat comes back, and the
dog comes back, and your wife smiles
sweetlY, and says she is glad that job is
Oft her mind. As it is too late to do
anything else, you sit by the fire and
smoke, with tae inner consciousness that
you are the meanest man in America
The next day you hear your wife tell a
friend that she is so tired she took up
and put down that great heavy carpet,
yesterday.