Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1873-01-29

I would be fun to get them drunk. So
| they gathered together the most re-
spOnsible sOakers in the town and bs-
/ gan to fill up royalty and themselves
with strong brandy punches. At the
end of twOr or three hours the eiti-
zens were sli lying torpid under the
table, ard the two princes were sit
/ ting diseOnsolate and saying what a
lonely, dry country it was! tell it
to you as it was told to me in Saera-
mentO.
WHY WE SHOULD ANNEX.
Now let us annex the islands. Only
think how we could build up that
whaling trade. Though under onr
courts and judges it might soon be as
impossible for whale ships 10 rendez-
vOus there without being fleeeed and
| pulled" by sailors and pettifoggers
as 1t now is in San FraneiseO-a place
the shippers shun as they would rocks
and shoals. Let Us annex. We could
make sugar enough there to supply
all America, and prices would be very
easy with the duties removed. And
then We should have such fine half
way house for our Paeifie-plyine
ships; and such a convenient supply
depot and such a commanding sentry
box for an armed squadron; and we
could draise cotton and coffee there and
make it pay, with the duties off
and the capital easier to get at
And then we could own the mightiest
volcano on earth-Kilauea Barnum
could run 1.-THE understands fires
now. Let US annex, by all means.--
We could paeify Prince Bill and 9TH
er mobiles easily enOugh-put them on
a reservation. Nothing pleases a saw
age like reseryatiOn-a reservation
where he has his annual hoes, and
Bibles, and blankets to trade for pow
der and whisky-a sweet Areadian
retreat, fenced in with soldiers. BY
annexing, we would get all those 50,-
900 natives cheap as dirt, with their
morals and other diseases thrown in.
No expense for educatiOn-they are
already educated no need to convert
them-they are already converted
no expense to elOthe them-fOr Obvi-
Gus reasons.
We must annex those people. We
can aff1iet them with our wise and be-
nlicent government. We can intro
duce the novelty of thieves, all the
way up from street car piekpOekets to
municipal robbers and government
defaulters, and show them how anus
ing 1t is to arrest thf m and then turn
them lOOse-sOme for cash and some
for political influence" We can
make them ashamed of their simple
and primitive justice. We can do
away with their occasional hangings
for murder, and let them have Judge
Pratt to teach them how to save i'm
periled Avery assassins to society,"
We can give them Barnards to keen
money corporations out of difficulties.
We can give them jurles composed
entirely of the most simple and
charming leatherheads. We can give
them railway corporations who y i'll
buy their legislatures like old clothes
and run over their best citizens and
complain of the cOrpses for smearing
the track with their unpleasant Juices.
In place of harmless and vapOring
Harris. we can give them Tweed. We
can let them have Connolly; we can
loan them Sweeny; We can furnish
them some Jay Goulds, who will do
away with their old time notion that
stealing Is not respectable. We can
CONFER WOOunull anu CIanln on J0em.
And George Francis Train. We can
give them lecturers! I will go my
self.
We can make that little bunch of
sleepy Islands the hottest corner on
earth, and array it in moral splendOr
of our high and holy civilization
Annexation is what the poor island
ers need. "Shall we to men benight-
ed, the lamp of life deny?"
MARK TWAIN,