Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-11-14
aHUM0R.t

,ys9As H UMOR '
An old farmer debating his will to a
lawyer, says: "Igiye and bequeath to my
wife the sum of el0Oa year. lis that writ
down. master ?'' ssYe So said the lawyer,
s'but she is not so old but that she may
marry again. Won't you make any change
in that case? Most people do.'' "Ah, do
they? Well, write again, and say if my
wife marry again, | give and bcqueath to
won't it ?" "Why, that's just double the
sum that she would have had if she had re-
manned unmarried, p said the lawyer, lit is
generally the other way" "Aye," said
the farmer, ssbut him that takes her will
deserve it," 49,
care you very fond Of novels, Mr..
Jones ?''assVery," responded that inter
rogated gentleman, who wished to be
thought by the lady questioner fond Of lit
erature. "Have you," continued the lady,
stever read Ten Thousand a Y ear ?" ssNo,
madam, [ never read that number in all
my ife.vall Sss sos %a
The immense door plates worn by the
ladies on their belts might be utilized by
engraving thereon the Wearer'S name, age
and residence; fortune and expectations,
and stating whether heart-free or engaged.
1t would save some gentlemen the, trouble
of making inquiries. iFFsJ80 l3
Chicago wants to have the next worlds
fair held there. Sin the first place. says
the Boston "Post, - sit isn't certain that
the next world will have a fair, and in the
tend it willprefer more pious town in
which To celebrate - tss.@7f f-l al .3tf.-i
The height of roughness- To come home
at night when your wife has gone away for
a day or two, and find that she has acct
dentally carried off the key to the, closet
where the consolation is. ~
eff I put my moneysin a savings bank, :
when can get it out again ?" asked one
of the newly arrived. "Och!" said his
friend, sure, an if you put it in to-day you
can draw it out tomorrow by giving
fortnight's notice. ''i"h g A. w
Of our one hundred State exchanges on
ly sixty-three have thus far sadly notified
their readers of the fact that ..5e % 81,
esThe melancholy days have come,
The saddest of the year."
The Denver "News'' gave, a short time
ago, an account of AFRAID of ''three hundred
clergymen" on the frontier carrying their
scalps and plumber with them" 1t meant
three hundred Cheyennes.
The editor of the Huntsville, Mo, NHer-
ald'' pops the question in his paper in this
public manner s'There'sa certain girl in
this town who can carry our smoke-house
keys for life if she II only say the word"
Scene in court: Judge-'sHave you
ANYTHING to offer to the court before SEN
tence is passed on you?" Prisoner-NNo,
Judge; Ihad ten dollars, but my lawyers
took that beg
ssWhy do you set your cup of coffee on
the chair, Mr.. Jones ?" said worthy land
lady one morning at breakfast. Its SO
very weak, madam, l thought L would let
it rest
stDoes one woman in fifty fill the lower
half of her lungs with air ?P is the stern
inquiry of a sanitary exchange: The edl.
itor of that paper never heard the voice OF
an Infatuated mother in-laW.
A Missouri woman turned her husband
upside in the milk churn the other day be-
cause he swore at her mother. He respects |
his mother-in-laW now.
A lady suggests that if church-going la
dies would dress i'll calico and wear sun
bonnets, scores of her sex would attend di-
vine services who stay away because they
cannot dress like their fashionable sisters.
It is silly of the editor of the Parkers-
burg Ind.) Express to deny that he has
committed suicide when over dozen pa
pers have mentioned the fact.
Two pairs of stairs are necessary to eve
ry newspaper office in North Carolina-one |
for the editor to 60 down as the caller |
comes up the other. ..-
The Des Moines dramatic club discussing |
what Desdemona meant when she exclaim-
ed. ssWould that heaven had mademe such |
mani" ss.. .5rs
A California paper of late date contains
1be following advertisement: "Born-In
Eureka, August 10, to the wife OF ID. Man.
helm. soma Is FOUNDER. ~ '''@
peripatetic show out West goes by the
the name of WiZardian Cagliostromanthe-
nm. E@H bha ,S ~ L tsff
A Michigan farmer has written to Mr..
Bergh to know if folding-doors for hog
mems will be in fashion this winter.
Two fatieued travellers, having to travel
Ten miles further, comforted themselves by
The calculation that it was only five miles
each. a ~ sit As @AF
The editor of a Kentucky paper was
thrown into a pond by a prize-fghter, and
is said to have swallowed some water for
The first time since his boyhood.
BOSTON landlord is in the habit. of pla-
cling an extra fork beside the plate Of such
hoarders as have not paid promptly-an in
timation to fork over. .ss1e
HWhy,'' asked a goyerness OF her little
charge, ssdo we pray God to give us our
daily bread? Why don't we ask for four
DAYS or five days OF a week I" I'VE want
Fl fresh replied the ingenious child.
The two women who are to occupy seats
in the Wyoming Legislature are already
practicings throwing inkstands and dodg-
aW books.o' stggg st'Ia4
The man cannot muster up courage to
hop the question such weather as we have
been having of late deserves to freeze to
death this winter saf 8a-A
SONG OF "a POLITICAL GRANGER.
7 want to be Granger,
And with the Changers stand
A horny listed farmer,
With hay-stack in my hand.
Beneath the tall tomato tree
IN swing the glittering hoe,
And smite the wild potato-bug !
AS he skips DER the snow. Z. ~,
I've bought myself Durhamr ram
And a gray alpaca cow, +
A lock-stitch Usage orange hedge
And patent Leather plough. F@s8s.
A patent fre-escape killed four men in
Montreal the other day, and there wasn't
any fire either they were only experiment
ting with the thing.
A GOOD MANFRED spinster boasts that she