Wyandot County Republican. [volume] (Upper Sandusky, Ohio) 1869-1903, 1873-01-02
CURRENT ITEMS.

in Boonville, Ind.
'WHERE shall I settler" writes a young
man. Settle at the of1ee.-Fdt Cont1fbat-
tors Saturday Night.
THE st. Louis Knights of St. Patrick
are to erect $25, 900 monument to
Daniel O'Connell.
THE latest sensation in Mount Pleasant,
Iowa, is the milkman going about the
streets with a heated stove in his wagon.
Mr.. JUMPER says he doesn't like to
commit himself to "picked-up dinner"
unless he knows where it was spicked- up"
from.
DARwIN's health has been very poor of
late. All the balloons in the Central
Park, New York, are also in poor health.
THE Mexican Congress is not opposed
to railroads, but railroads must promise
not to compete with mules IN carrying
freights.
WHY is henpecked husband like an
opera hat? Because he's very big when
he's out, but Immediately shuts up when
he gets home.
A LITERARY gentleman, who believes
in a quiet life, is looking for dentist to
whom he may intrust the duty of eX-
tracing the organ grinders of the city.
In Colorado, when a lady wears dia-
mond jewelry to any extent, she is allud-
ed to by the local gusher as being well
"salted"
THERE is one pleasant reflection on
going to bed in Titusville after poor
supper. The chances are that the hotel
will burn up before breakfast.
THE Peoria Reuiew judges from the
amount of bad poetry that is sent to it
that an impression is abroad that it has
offered a prize for the worst poem on au-
tumn.
THE happy pair at an Allegan tin we'd
ding were the recipients of multitude
of such useful articles as tin corsets, tin
bustles, tin overcoats, tin bonnets, tin
overshoes, ETC., etc.
THE Legislature of Vermont has, in
imitation of that of Minnesota, passed an
act Furnishing by fine any pointing of fire.
arms at person in play, adding an i'm
prisonment of two VI ars when any injury
results from the folly.
ALITTLE girl was one day reading the
history of England with her governess,
and coming to the statement that Henry
/. never laughed after the death of his
son, she looked up and said: ''What did
he do when he was tickled?"
WHEN Cincinnati editor gets up an
item of news, even by accident, the pro-
prietOrs present him with a magnificent
residence. Cincinnati editors all live in
rented houses.-& Louis Globe.
THE editor of Southern paper wants
to know eff the man who sent him chal-
lenge to fight duel means business" or
whether "his buzzard soul laughs at the
ghastly joke"
In speaking of the local debating So
ciety, paper says: "Our village
debating clubs are in full blast, and ques-
tions that have engrossed the intellectual
functions of sages ever since the flood are
being decided at the rate of two week. "
A PITTSBURGH paper wants real prin'
ter's monument erected to Horace Gree,
ley, to be cast from worn-out type, which
newspaper offices from all over the coun'
try car contribute, and be mounted on a
granite base.
THE old song has been changed to suit
the season:
Mother, may go out to skate?'''
Yes, my dearest daughter;
But come back home at half-past eight,
And don't go into the water.'
ACCORDING to the Greenville Se7atine
and Reporter, the girls cunning little
brother substituted an infantile feline fol
the confectionery in her lovers oYercoat
pocket. The young mans hand is about
well, but his larcerated feelings are YET
troublesome.
JUDGE SMITH, after he was seventy
married wife considerably his junior
One day, soon after the ceremony, he was
riding with her, and on coming to hill
she bantered him with the remark
"Judge, my father always used to walk
up hill" So did nay first wife, replied
the Judge.
AN absent-minded gentleman, writing
letter at the breakfast table, dipped hi
pen his coffee and continued his letter
Noticing his mistake, he put lump O.
sugar in the ink, and then finding hi
second blunder, poured the contents O.
the ink-stank into the coffee-pot to set i
right.
That was a good, though rather 6
severe pun, which was made by student
in one of our theological seminaries (and
he was not one of the brightest of his
class, either) when he asked, "Why il
Professor - the greatest revivalist ot
the age ?" and, On all "giving it up,
said, because at the close of every ser
mon there is Great Awakening"
A WAC went to the station at one of tht
railroads, one evening, and, finding the
best car full, said ia loud voice: "Why
this car isn't going" Of course this
cauged general stampede, and the was
took the best seat. In the midst of th(
Indignation the wag was asked: "Wh1
did you say this car wasn't going p
"Well. it vast then," said the Wag
but it is now''
A BOY named William Adams pleaded
guilty to the charge Of stealing a watch
in the Court of Oyer and Terminer and
though the complainant said the boy haf
previously had repeated opportunities O
stealing from him and he thought Der
haps he only meant to play trick, Jud q
Ingraham sent him for one year to tn,
penitentiary, remarking that the fre
quency OF crime among boys required
warning.-N. r Reram.
A LOUISIANA aunt of the late Horac
Greeley relates that some years ago he