The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1873-08-16
Humorous.

DEoAYING-Rights of the travelling
public.
WHAT is the military definition of
kiss Report at headquarters.
PERPENDICULAR drinking-Whiskey
straight.
A MAN is obliged to keep his word
when nobody will take it.
| WHEN is a clock on the stairs danger
ous2 When it runs down.
| WHEN is water most liable to escape
When it is only half-tide.
AN Indiana reporter tells of case Of
poisoning by the use of corrosive
supplement.
MRS SMITH says her husband is like
a tallow candle, because he always will
smoke when he is going out
DRINKERS in this country can hardly
be called heathens, but still the great
idea with them is jug-or not.
The Dsnbury News says: e'The use
of tobacco is a disgusting habit. 1t
weakens the frame, benumbs the
faculties, and what is far worse. keeps
up the price. ,
WIDOWS who have promised their
husbands never to marry again on the
face of the earth, can go to the Nam
moth Cave and have the ceremony per
formed.
A WESTERN editors statement, eve
are at this moment under absolute des-
potism,'' is attributed by his contem-
poraues to the fact that he is recently
married
A MAN who fell into vat of boiling
lard and got out alive, says it was not
an unpleasant sensation after the first
movement, but he thought what
mighty queer shaped doughnut he
would make.
IT may do to read sermons, but a
young lady was lately taken aback
when her swain got upon his knees
before her and read a declaration of
love which he had nicely written off.
"WHsT was the result of the trial o
that horse-stealer asked a Missou-
rian of his neighbor 'Oh, he was
left hanging in suspense" was the re-
ply.
A CHICAGO editor heard once the
words, "Slster, thou vast mild and
lovely" sung at the funeral of an old
perfect vixen.
A GENTLEMAN coming into the room
of DIR Barton, told him that Mr.. Vowel
was dead. "What, said he, "Vowel
dead Let us be thankful it was
neither IL nor /.
"Who dat hit me? Where's dat
lantern?" We're the EXPLANATIONS of an
astonished Virginia darkev after be-
ing thrown something like a hundred
feet by a locomotive
In q pool across a road in the county
OF Ilpperary is stuck up pole, having
affixed to 1T board with this inscrip-
ton "Take notice that whenever the
water is over this board, the road is
impossible"
AN Irishman in France, drinking
with some company who proposed the
toast, The land we live in /" Az,
with all my soul. my dear" said he.
" here's poor ould Ireland"
IT is a little singular how much val
liable time man viii take up in study
ing the pOstmark of letter to see
where 1t comes from, when he can open
the letter and find out at once
! UNFoUNDED As PERSIAN The visit of
the Shah has sorely puzzled old Jolter,
from Worcestershire. He was bred
and born at Pershore an never ear tell
on i'm. Fun
AN enthusiastic African, who had
spent de winter in Jamaky," found
it an earthly paradise. He said he
could t" lie abed, and, putting his arms
out de windy, pick oranges, pine-ap.
pies and Jamaky rum right off de
| trees.
A GENTLEMAN observed to another in
a stall at the theater, ''Look at that
painted old woman. Old and parched
as she is, they say that she can still
turn mems Leads" eyes, but the
other way was the reply.
AN exquisitely dressed young gentle
man, after buying another seal to dan
gle about his person, said to he Jewell
Ter that he ''would -ah, like to have
alb, something engraved on it-ah, to
denote what he wasi " Certainly,
certainly" said the tradesman. "I'll
put a cipher on it..
DECIDEDLY rough looking individ-
ual applied for license as teacher of a
school not far from Troy. EDO
You think you can manage II school 2"
inquired the examiner. .fNel, T
cues so" said the applicant impertur-
badly; eff L can't [ kin knock the
spots ont of the youngsters The
vacancy still exists.
DRINKING clubs have been orpanized
IN New Bedford. Members are admit
ted by tickets, and upon which tickets.
purchased of the treasurer Of the club,
tney OBTAIN what drinks they may de-
sire. Each ticket, in one of the clubs
at least, Is sold for a dollar, and one
side is marked by rules into twenty
squares. Whenever drink is taken a
hole is punched in one of the squares.
and thus the account is kept.
In certain town in Vermont several
instances have lately occurred where
husbands who have lost their wives
have married again within six to twelve
weeks hence good deal of neiohbor-
MOOD gossip, particularly among some
OF these women WAC still live.u One
OF these, Mrs. =, at quilting the
other day, said. = 1 do hope [ may be
spared Till summer, for then | NAV
nave COMMISSIONERS over my grave before
my man gets tjeduo agaip 7"
"A STRANGE man, name unknown, was
seen darting about Essex street on
Saturday forenoon, with paper and
pencil IN hand, and every once in a
while stopping and dotting something
down. No one among the women who
watched him knew or could imagine
what he was ND to but we undarcfon1