The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-04-12
VARIETY.

The Greclan ladies counted their age from their
marriage, not from their birth.
Miss Amy R, of Iowa, weighs 352 pounds.
No man will marry her for fear of big Amy.
Engaging Photographers Just look little
pleasant. Miss Think Of inn
A poor man is 10 be avOided-he lacks princi-
pie and never has any interest in anything.
No man can go to heaven when he dies who
has not sent his heart thither while he lived.
Japanese children are to be compelled to at
tend school between the ages of SIX and thirteen.
M.rRmoNT.-Hudibrasc calls natrimony per-
verse lever, beginning with heat and ending with
frost.
ApOthecarcle-sness - is n new word, which
the present generation has found it necessary to
invent for the benefit Of POsterity.
The blossom cannot tell what becomes Of it,
Odor, and no man can tell what becomes of his
influence and example, that roll away from him
and @ beyond bis ken on their mission.
liz WAS RIGHr.-Dr. Mott used to say that
roast beet, serenity Of mind, cold water baths
and amiable and pretty wife, would make
almost any man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
When y. p. Willis was asked to make speech
he replied, - am by profession writer, and
you can not expect n pump to give water from
the handle as we'll as from the mouth
4 Frenchwoman once said that she never loved
hnyLulu1- lou IJFeu your CulluTeu euG-
gested friend. - When they were little, she
replied And you love diamonds?" When
they are large"
Connecticut sexton prevents the congrega-
tiOn from shifting about and changing seats by
deXteriously applying COB Of pitch to their per-
sons they entered the sanctuary. He says
- the church Is no place to fool around in"
reporter was disturbed ono night By a noise,
which proved to be OccasiOned by a fallen at
-, a
- Mary, Mary, bring my Notebook and candle
directly; here's n paragraph come to the door"
No DECIsIoN.-At a young ladies' debating
club the following question was lately discussed
/" What gives girl the most pleasure-to hear
herself praised, or to hear another girl run
dOwnf' - No decision was arrived at.
sal" cried a girl, looking down from the
upper story of grocery, addressing another girl,
who was trying to enter the front door, - we We
all been to eamp-meeting, and we have been con
yerted so when you want milk on Sunday, you ii
have to come round to the back door
One argument for letting the Germans have
their sunday and lager together, used in the Chi
cagO Board Of Aldermen, that the beer would
not keep over Sunday, while whisky would. The
latter depends upon the amount and the number
Of Irishmen surrounding it.
PoErRY.-Barber: - No offence, sir, | hore,
but has it ever struck you as a bald ed is like
Barber: - Well, sir, Il thought of it myself),
it's bright and shiny place, you see, sir, where
there's parting" " Customer smiles pain
fully
Massachusetts, continues to make her criminals
pay for their living. The expenditures of the
State Prison ut Charleston during the past year
have amounted 10 Sl3+, -2l, while the receipts
have been Sl4l 1854, which gives "A profit of
SI4,635.23- This is the result Of good manage
ment.
At an evening party very elderly lady was
dancing with young partner. \ stranger ap-
preached JerrOld, who looking on, and said
= Pray, SIR, can you tell me who is the young
gentleman dlncing with that elderly lady?"
" One Of the humane society, l should think
replied JerrOd.
In strict observance OF the will of Stephen
Girard no clergyman known to be SUCH is al
lowed to visit the college Of his endowment. \
gentleman of clerical cut as to appearance once
presented his pass to the janitOr. The latter,
taking him In from head to foot with one glance,
said 81 cannOt admit you, sir; you are
clergyman" - The devil am" said the visitor.
- You can pass was the quiet reply.
The late autocrat Of the principaIity Of
Schwarzburg-SOnder bit upon quite an
original idea Of making money. He established
n large brewery and distillery, and forbid his
subjects, under heavy penalties, TO consume any
other ale or spirits than those issued from the
princely In this way he Is said 10 have
acquired some considerable capital, which he in
vested in large estates IN Bohemia and the Grand
Duchy Of NIeckenberg-
SAM RICE's ExPLASATIOS.-Sam Rice, of Ala
bama l. we'll known ready and witty man.
though somewhat cratic Here l. the last good
story told upon him. and it is very characteristic
About the commencement of the war he made
a speech in North Alabama in which he said that
the Southern soldiers could whip the Yankees
with pOp-guns. Since the he chanced 10
make another speech at the same place. \ big
d0uble.jOinted fellow was present, who heard and
remembered the fJrmer speech, and being in no
very amiable frame of mind, concluded to 90 for
Sam. Rolling up his sleeves and popping his fist
in the palm Of his hands he PrOPOunded the fear
full question
''Sam Rice, didn't you make speech here in
1872"
''And didn't you say that we could whip the
Yankees with pop-gurs? y
9 Certainly did, but dam 'em they wouldn't
f9ht US that wav "