The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-08-30
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Journal thinks the average Chicago cockney,
who faints on inhaling the pure air of the west
ern prairies and has to be restored by Whit
from the carcass of decomposing buffalo, would
lose all zest for his julcp or cocktail without the
dog flavor.
On the return home of wedding party in
Kentucky last week the parties felt so well that
they ran horses In the race carriage was tip
ped over breaking mother-inIaws neck. II Is
feared the success Of this example will lead to
Its being followed BY many fatal limitations. <
An enterprising dog in Utica, says the Express
Of that city, secured samples from the clothing
Of eight lightning.rod agents within half IN
hour after a thunderstorm the other day.
Six roughs penned Natchcz reporter in an
alley, and were thinking how they would batter
his head, when four of them fell into an old
sewer, and woman scalded the other two 1t
does seem as if Providence was on the side Of the
reporter,
A woman at Carroton Mich, lost her leg
lately in attempting TO save lame goose from
being run over by q locomotive. She made mat
ters worse, for now there are two lame geese.
4 logical opponent of Spirtualsm thus crush
ed oul his opponent. "If man goes to hell, he
can't come back here. If he goes to heaven, he
font rant tO."-EL
But how about the intermediate state?
When dinner is late at the hotels in Mendoza
they amusc the hungry diners with two dddles
playing separate runcs; the effect is striking.
The people of Nebraska are determined on fair
play. The other day twcnty-six Of the sovereign
voters of that state stood around for half an hour
20, that hn had bpu IA wi a
harness strap, got fair play at the hands Of Il
committee OF married ladies who were logging
bin.
Young fellows on limited salaries, who desire
TO marry should emigrate to Japan, where one
lan live in luxury for five cents day-Er.
Smilikens desires us to say that he is ready to
migrate as soon as somebody will pay his fare
md insure him, when in Japan, the said five cents |
day.
4 Dubuque, Iowa, COW lately chokcd to death
on a hoop-skirt. Probably The hopping, cough !
set in
An Iowa man left his property TO his wife on
condition that she should not marry gain. She
married Loss, and clngs to the Request
Quincy has had wrestling match between an
Indian and an Englshman The johnny Bull is |
ready to return for repairs tC that Island home
whose Christian mother queen is allowed tokiss
the boss barbarian Of the east.
Widow Armstrong, of Bmghamton, was alarm
ed last week on returning to her house from
working in the garden to fdd a spotted addcrl
hanging across the back of her easy chair, with
It's head in possession of her sun bonnet A
Deighbor was called; couldn't use his gun, but
dispatched the varmint with pike; the family
slept up stairs the next night.-Er Y
The adder was not to blame. 1t was probably {
one Of tho bonnctcd species that had lostts cap
ital ornament and found this one an exact tit.
The town of Hall, Bureau Co.., had 4 sensation
last week. A hoy Of 20 wanted to marry child 5
81 IA, and sworc out a license IN due form; but il
fell into the hands Of the little girls mother, who
vetoed further proceedings. Calf love has its
tribnlations as well as the maturer article.
brute of a local editor in St. Charles insults
/. delicate young lady as follows;
If that near-sghted young lady who ,hcws
gum on both sides and spts like man, will give i
Us the inside Of the walk the next time she
meets us on windy day shU is sure of our
eternal gratitude.
The latest instance afforded by a fond mother
Of her sons cltycrncss, is said sons correcting
her for saying he was all over DIRT by saying the
dirt was all over him.
Detroit dog accidentally bit woman whom
be was as,i,tingiin the pursuit of 4 rat, some
time 20, aud she has just died Of hJNrophobin
though the dog went on about his business, and
has never LEI on that he had it all.
The Goldfish arstocracy of Chicago have pro-
cured the defeat OF city ordinance providing
that all hack, and livery stable carriages shall
bc numbered. The Goldfish say that when they
raise money enough to hire acarriage they don't
want the fact that II is hired proclaimed to their
brother and sister goldfish.
The Maquoscta IowaJ Sentinel throws out
dark hints a- follows.
There has been told great many sensational
stories on Tie street, of Maquokcta during the
past week that will not do to print. The truth A.;
.a that coming events cast their shadows he
ore" WHO T. the individual we leave for our I
..iiers To guess. l.
Il probably refers TO the starchy young gent
vino is irving 10 force the growth Of Il musache Il
DR.. Corcorans Tonic Bitters manufactured
frJu. pure roots aud barks, are, without doubt, |
The best btters now before the public for bilious. |
u"ss.-Lo Sllle Press.
Then why in thunder don't YOU take some?
yuau. lady in Monmouth H., while making |
nci bed the other day, discovered a ratttesnakc !
comfortably cDilrd up between the sheets. I'm !
mcdiatoly .ncr the people Of Monmouth Thought !
the corporation E1w against stcanl-whisuc- had
been violated.
Al1 recent baby show M California the first
pIil. w,- awarded to little shaver six months !
I'D and weighing but two and half pounds |
Whom dressed. II The prizes are 10 be awarded
20 atomcs like that, what's the use Of healthy
women worrying TO get up fine babies for the
show
s TatlI-~uat,~ heart, swallowed many ycar-
a-p los rpl.-lmptive youth at Belfast, Me- re-
stored li. health, that when hc died last week
ho was % very old man.
"" knew a man who was cured OF three
scar, aga, t. by swallowing a spider. But :hr
same remedy nearly Killed the next man, and |
lad no effect whatever on his aguc.