The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1873-12-25
Handled Goods.

| AAse nuACsf oOOseSs
/ 1 was sitting one morning by this mos
beautiful spring nature ever fashioned ,slowl
swallowing the water that tastes, as Sar
Weller said, like warm smoothing irons,
when a young lady from the fashionable re
sort close by, called Old Sweet, came dow
the elm shaded pathway assisted by a yout
lin white flannel, blue uecktie, and hair bal
anced evenly upon his SO called intellect. H
was attached to delicate blonde mussach
and a slender cane. The young lady wa
Hight and luminous in cloud Of white mus
| lin that was built somewhat like the boot Q
| a Troy stage. AS she swung her boot rount
atter;l sip Of the water and disappeared VI
the winding path, heard a voice near nj
say Handled goods. e.. 5.a,..s@ Is s,
Turning / saw one Of our liops, youns
Hamilton Swagg, the 500 Of the late Docto
Swagg, who left his vale of tears and a coo
million accumulated from his patent pain ex
tractor. His only son and heir, Hamilton
remained in the vale to spend the said mil
lion, and, growing to mans estate, is consid
cred great catch by divers cases of pigeon
hawks created to prey upon humanity, such
as blacklegs and designing mothers. But
Nature, that gives rhe ass his heels and The
ram his thick skull and curly horns, provided
Hamilton with means Of defense, by ma
king him cool. selfish, and cunning:
Gambling is not good, quoth Hamilton
i don't want fellows money, and by Jove
I don't want fellow to get mine. When !
want girl don't mean to give myself in
payment. Can't check out Of the bank, you
see.' f
These were some Of the wise sayings Of
Hamilton, and on this occasion he remarked,
Handled goods and as looked at him, with
an interrogation marx II my glance, be con-
tinued !:
Handled goods, Col9nel, are apt to be
damaged second hand anyhow-and fell
low wants the article fresh if he wants it at
ALL
You find good deal Of handled goods at
these summer resorts, Mr., Syagg 2
You bet. The gals are thrown on the
market, aud a good deal paved over before
taken. Don't like it. Handled goods are
apt to be damaged goods
You should go into the rural districts, Mr..
Swagg, and get some charming, fresh country
lass to make you happy.
MI. Hamilton S. gave quiet little laugh,
and responded, Tried it, BY Jove. No go,
Colonel; was down for an autumn at coun-
try house. Had sweet little blonde pitched
at me. No chignon, by Jove! real hair and
plump white shoulders; little or no pannier;
all natural as morning glories, moss, roses,
and fresh eggs. Thought my time had come
We rode and walked and spoonied for three
months BY Jove! done up that parcel in
three weeks; time few so. Well, hoped,
and she just come down into pocket and as
natural and swee. and soft; well for week
1 was in a. rural heaven with an angel done
up in muslin and loving simplicity. One
day | came III from a bit Of cunning, and
passing by the identical summer house where
/ had popped, heard little cry garnished
with sobs. The leaves. were, dropping from
that summer house, end the wind blew SO that
it might BE- sound from both; but [ turned
in, an!s, by Jove there was ny rural telici-
ty IN the arms Of tall fellow, pglyz-to me
as Satan, and wearing bob tailed navy
blue. When they saw me the fellew looked
fierce, and my love fabbergasted. Well in
an instant she fopped-not in my arms, but
down upon her knees, and with sobbing
voice aad streaming eyes begged me not to
brake her heart, that she loved Henry .Au-
sustus. said handled goods aud as rural
felicity didn't comprehend, | said, Rise up,
take her, navy blue. Bless you,
my children. Letter from 4Neghany
Springs.