Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-08-07
Mumurums department.
THE DUTCHMAN,s INSURANCE POLICY.

THE DUTCHMAN's INSURANCE POLICY.
A good story is told of German by the
name of Smidt, who had taken the precaution
to insure the life of his wife for $4,000, and
his stable for 5000, believing the former might
die and the latter be burnt, and he could not
get along without some compensation for the
loss. Both policies had been taken from the
same agent. In a few months after the stable
had been insured it was destroyed by fire.
Smidt quietly notified the agent, and limited
to him that he would expect the 5000 at the
earliest possible moment. The agent at once
sent carpenter to ascertain the cost of erect
ing new stable of the same dimensions, hay
ing ascertained that the property was insured
for more than it was worth. The builder re-
ported that he could replace the stable with
new material for $500, but unfortunately there
was an ordinance preventing the erection of
frame buildings-the old stable having been
of wood He was asked to estimate the cost
of brick stable, and reported the amount
$3.50. The agent then notified Smidt that he
would build him new brick stable in place
of the old frame one, but Smidt became very
indignant at the proposition, saying:
do not understand dis insurance business.
pay you for nine hundred dollar, and when
my shtable burn down you make me new
one. | not want new shtable. want nine
hundred dollar.
The agent reasoned with Smidt, but all to
no purpose. When the stable was about fin
ished, Smidt went to consult a lawyer, think
ing he could still get the amount of the poll
heSi0eS hoyinor tho npyv stable
The lawyer, however, informed him that
the company had right to make good the
loss by building new stable, and expressed
surprise at his bringing suit against them.
"But," said Smidt, 81 insure for nine hum
dred dollar, and dis feller put up dem shtable
for seven hundred and fifty dollar-I do not
understand de insurance business"
Finding that he could not compel the pay.
ment by law, he became disguised with the in
surance business altogether. Calling upon
the agent, Smidt said:
"Mr. Agent, 1 want you to stop de insu-
rance on mine wife. do not pay any more
mopish dat way: 1 not understand dis insu-
rance business"
Agent, surprised: "Why Mr.. Smidt you are
doing very foolish thing. You have paid
considerable upon this policy already, and if
your wife should die, you will get s5OO0."
"Yah, dat ish vat you tell me now" said
Smidt. "Ven I pays you on my shtable, you
say get nine hundred dollars if it burnt
down. So it was burnt, and you not give me
mine monish. You say, O, dat was an old
frame shtable, and you not pay me mine nine
hundred dollar Ven mine wife dies, den you
say to me, o, she wash an old Dutch woman
she not wort anydings; Iget you new Eng
lish wife! And so I lose mine FIVE tousand
dollars. You not fool Smidt again. not
understand dis insurance business"
sa- A professor of Cornell University re-
Gently published a number of hints as to
"What to do in cases of accident One of
these was as follows: "If you choke, get down
on all fours and cough One of our neigh
bors-W Woodward this, and determined
to rememberit it. Day before yesterday he was
eating his dinner alone, and he choked upon
piece of beef. Instantly he got down upon
all fours and began to cough. Just then,
Mrs. Woodward came in, and the impression
made upon her by Woodwards extraordinary
attitude and his barking was that he had sud-
denly been attacked with hydrophobia. So
she first seized the pitcher of water, and took
it from the room. Then she sent one Of the
girls up stairs for the mattress, which was
thrown over Woodward, while Mrs. Wood
ward and the family sat on it and held him
down. The madder he got the more alarmed
was Mrs. Woodward; and the more he swore
ell on the hired girl giving an extra turn Of
the clothes-line around his leg and tying him
to the stove. When the doctor came, he pull
ed Woodward's arm from under the mattress
and bed him, and put fyblisters on his feet,
and promised to come round in the evening
and Shave his head, in order to cup his seal p
so as to relieve his brain. When the doctor
called that night, Woodward had prize-6ght
with him in the parlor, and after sending the
medical man up to the bathroom to wash the
blood from his nose and cool his eye, Wood
ward went out to hunt for the Cornell profess
or. There will be pain and anguish in that
institution of learning when Woodward ar
rives He means war to the knife.-Mar
Adeler.
sGr Young Paddy McShane, sure no lad
could be bolder, coaxed Biddy McShae to be
sharing his lot, and Pat had lively young
pig on his shoulder, and she on her head bore
a big iron pot. From the town just at night
fall, as home they were walking, through a
dark, lonely thicket their windig path lay !;
Biddy sat down the pot, stopped her laughing
and talking. Paddy turned round, and ask
ed her the cause of the delay. "Oh," says
she, "I'm afraid you'll be acting uncivil; I'll
not 60 alone through the thicket wild you !;
for Paddy, avick, you're as wild as the divil /;
you'll be kissing and squeazing me, that's
what you'll dol" "But the pig" replied Pat,
"that I've lugged so securely, if loose, back to
town like the devil he'd trot." Och, Paddy"
says she, as she glanced up demurely,
"couldn't yes put the pig under the pot?"
DUTCH HUMoR.-A German in a western
town who has not paid attention to learning
English, had horse stolen from his barn the
other night whereupon he advertised as fol-
lows
avon mite, de oder day, ven 1 was bin
awake in my sleep, heare something's vat l
links vas not yust right in my barn, and out
shumps to bed and runs NIT the barn out
an ven was dere COON I seez dat my pig
gray iron mare he vas bin tide loose and run
nit the staple off; and efer who vii him back
prng, yust so much pay him as vas kushto-
mary"
sa5" A Methodist minister who lived on a
small salary was greatly troubled at one time
to get his quarterly installment. He had
called number of times, but each time he