The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-07-25
LIVELY.

| LIVELY.
weight for the wagon. sang
the fat lady.
Spots on the sun--Freckles on
your boys face.
Captain Jack is said 10 have
asked to be tried by jury of In
dians.
A Lancaster, Pa, undertaken
advertises: sect your holiday
collins of j. Warehouse.
A Kentucky man has named his
sixteenth child, recently born To
him, Omega, hoping it viii be the
| last.
A Scranton household is enjoy
ing an era of peace. The lady of
the house put her tongue to fiat
iron to see if it was hot
Mrs. j. A. Dunniway wants 10
be Mayor of Portland, Oregon.
She says it is high time the pre-
judices of the past were Dunniway
with.
1t is stated that the "late John
Carpenter, of Marquette, Mich,
knocked the ashes out of his pipe
on the head of a keg of blasting
powder
The old gentleman who put his
postal card in 4 stamped envelope
is matched by an Omaha man who
has his money orders sent by rec
istered letter.
1t is remarkable fact that the
moment a woman writes n letter
she is frantic to put it in the post
office, although she may have
been putting off he writing for
six months.
In q recent article on a fair in
his locality, the editor OF West
ern paper says a brother editor
took valuable premium, but an
unkind policeman made him put
it right back where he took it
from.
Boston ladies put on clean
stockings when they have their
photographs taken. A philoso-
pher is trying to study out the
reason. But the most interesting
point of inquiry is, how did the
reporter learn the fact?
A Portla nd man. caught fishing
for trout on another mans land
the other day, completely silenced
the owner, who demonstrated, with
the majestic answer, "Who wants
20 catch your trout? i am only
trying to drown this worm"
An erudite insurance agent sent
the following dispatch to a West
ern Office just after the Boston
fire: "Our companies all sound as
o nut. Loss will not exceed $780,
600. Advance rates % per cent.
and go ahead. Our motto is still
Soc ct tn 'em.'"
On tombstone in South Caro-
lima is the following beautiful
tribute to departed worth:
"Here lies the boldly Of Robert Gordin,
Mouth almighty and teeth aekoFdin.
| Stranger tread lightly over this wonder.
Ifhe opens his mouth, yon are gone Big
! thunder"
A young man in Peoria sought
to secure his sweetheart by strate-
gy; so he took her out for a boat
ride and threa tened to jump over
board into the lake if she wouldn't
marry him. It did not work. She
offered to bet him a dollar that he
daren't dive in.
Cannot something be done to
prevent young ladies from being
insulted on our streets at nightY'
asks Cincinnati paper There
can. just have the girls mother
tuck her into her little bed about
eight o'clock in the evening and
lock the door on her.
A schoolboy's composition on
tobacco: s'This noxious weed
was invented by distinguished
man named Walker Raleigh.
When the people first saw him
smoking they thought he was a
steamboat; and as they had never
heard of such a thing as a steam
boat. they we're terribly fright
cned.e
A Chicago Jenkins wrote rap
turously of the toilet Of particu-
lar lady at the jubilee ball. 1t
subsequently appeared that many
a lady there was dressed far more
elegantly. Moreover, the lady he
named was not in fHlI-dress toilet.
She was not, in fact, at the ball,
being in Europe on that occasion.
With these trifing errors excep-
ted, Jenkins was right
Among the replies TO an adver-
tisement of music commi ttee for
a candidate for orgsnist, music
teacher, etc, a vacancy having oc-
CURED by the resignation Of the
organist in Office, was the follow
ing: Gentlemen, / noticed your
advertisement for an organlst and
music teacher, either lady or gen
tleman. Having been both for
several years, / offer you nay SER
vices
/ Any one who visits ChiIdwald,
England, can read in the cemetery
there, the following epitaph:
aHere lies me, and my three dsughteFs,
brought here by using eeid3ifz waters.
five had stuck 70 EPSON salts,
! We wouldn't have been IN these here