The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1873-01-13

and "let US have peace. We have all
that we want from the Sandwich Islands
As they arc. We do not want their white
elephant.
- Hoax Aims. -.
1t is the story Of an aged man of kind and
fatherly aspect, who treasured in his heart of
hearts most of the deluding ways of which Satan
has been supposed hitherto to have monop-
oily. His aims were hoaxes and his hoaxes
were aims. Hoax Aims had to deal with guile
less people in whose mouths butter would not
melt under ordinary circumstances. The ice
of morality which made this melting difficult
was hard to be gotten over. Hoax Aims first
commenced business by joining the kind of
Sunday school these ice-chested individuals
patronized. It was called Congress, and Hoax
Aims went to Congress. We cannot describe the
conversation which this bad old man had with
his Master Of this period but the Master afore-
said took him to his subterraneous mansion
and showed him q red-hot furnace. On it
the Master engraved two shifty words
with the point of his tail They were,
''Credit Mobiier" He then, by an occult
process, put the red-hot furnace under the
vest Of Hoax Aims, and told him to button
his coat. Hoax Ainis then tipped the Master
q wink, which oil the artists in the world or
out of it, from Dore to Apelles, would labor at
forever without being able to transcribe in its
sententiously diabolic cunning. The Master
k,o ;c1r ~ hu< ~ foi111ro
compared to the wink of Hoax Aims. Cha
grined at the awful success of his pupil, the
Master, with whisk of his terrible tail, landed
Hoax Aims in the big Sunday school, with the
remark, "Hoax Aims, you can get along with
out me henceforward."
In Congress once more he chuckled, but
chuckled inwardly in the place where the heart
had been-where the furnace now was. The
big Sunday school was too small to hold Hoax
Aims, SO he went out and stood on the second
step going down from the portico. He met
friend whose name was John, and he made
him his ally. The friend stood at the
bottom of the steps. When school was out
Hoax Aims ''aid for all the guileless peo-
pie we have referred to heretofore. Hoax Aims
looked four times more kindly and fatherly
than ever. He had by him nice little box
full of pats of butter. Each one was marked
as a share, and was made of the poison called
fraud. The butter was watered, too. All the
guileless people, before going out had each
laid inside fresh chunk of moral ice. Conf
dent of the power of this they approached
Hoax Aims. The man who had outwinked
his Master now prepared to hoodwink the
guileless school children. "Open your mouth
and shut your eyes, and see what Heaven will
send you" said he, coaxiugly. Relying on
the moral ice as a bank clerk would on
counterfeit detector, they did as they were
asked. Hoax Aims first operated on the good
boy Wilson. He put share in his mouth.
Then he let on the draught of his furnace and
blew gentle breath on the stock. It melted
and went Sizing down the good
boys esophagus. The good little boy sus-
pected no harm, so the willy Hoax Aims sent
twenty shares in all Sizing down the
poor little boys gullet Then came the
turn of the sweet-tempered boy, Colfax. This
good little boy kept on smiling, even when his
mouth was wide open, and SO relished the
butter that it never appears to have disagreed
with him badly. When the crowd Of guileless
people became very great Hoax Aims would
send those farthest away from him to his ally,
John, at the foot of the steps, and then they
came back more hungry than ever for the
butter. 1t should have been told that when
the first two little boys had their butter it was
necessary for each to come down to the level
of Hoax Aims. The Master, perched on the
pediment, on each occasion gave q jocular
twirl to his tail and said, "Ce nest que le
premier pas q,li co,te.'' The explanation of
the master using the Gallo tongue is, that the
whole scheme was like so many of our doubt
full dramas-taken ''from the French There
were lots Of the good little Sunday school boys
thus taken in, and it soon came to pass that,
through Congress, the whole nation was made
to pay millions for the poisonous butter of
Hoax Aims.
As we have seen, the Master said Hoax Aims
should. after that terrible, indescribable wink,
thenceforth take care Of himself So in time
the furnace cooled. Hoax Aims could not
prevail on the Master TO give him any more
fuel. People found out that the butter was
bad, and they began to blame the guileless
people for being the first to swallow. So the
good little boys, finding there was danger of
their being called frauds, ran back and dis
gorged the stock. Some, however, had fat
tened on it. And now people are saying that
Hoax Aims had no red-hot furnace at all, and
that the guileless had no moral ice worth
a cent and that they took the butter with
their eyes open. Hoax Aims says so, too, and
the people are beginning to believe that the
air and the pious smile are all
shams.