The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-19

DAYS and died again. The gavanic was reSorted
to again, with the same result. II lived cI%htccl
lbours and died again, and could not be reauscl
tated, Notwithstanding the skill Of Drs. y. II
Brown and w. b. Harrison
i Ottawa Doctors are content with killing then
patients once.
"Mav put my arm around your waist" said d
younr man ut Il ball to young lady sitting hN
his side She looked indignant whcrcupon he
said: "All these gentlemen waltzinE have thcll
arms about ladies' waists; ] do not waltz, bul
why shouldn't have the same privilege, though
| sit still:'
The Young mans logic is sound. All some
ladies' desire, when being Rugged, is good eX
cuse. OF course, she let him!
The fish in the Sangamon river, from the mouth
Of Spring Creek to Petersburg, are killed by the
posonoiIs sediment which runs from the gas
work at SpringfeId.--R Register.
To which gas works" does the Rgistr aIludc
the Legislature or the other concern, in the
same business? The Register should be more 'pc'
cifc.
The Joliet Sun would circulate an inference
dcrstandjHg:
When the Post Office editor wants TO ruminatc,
| he cocks his unique feet on the window Sill al"
shuts out the busy world.
The Des Moincs Republican says that "Wirt
Skies, the silent partner of Olive Logan, was a
poor printer boy, but by genius, industry, ana
| tact, became the husband Of woman who can
earn $500 night occurring"
| 1t is barely possible that though that man has
achieved this immense distinction, he is yet not
happy. man who plays I'd fiddle to Il hand or
gan Of which female is boss, generally isn't fe-
| fictitious.
Judge Thornton, Of the Supreme Court, has de-
cdcd that a husband is not liable for Islander Ut
tered by his wife. This, with the recent decision
that husbands are not responsible for debts CON
tractcd by their wives, sewers the ancient lana.
marks Of the marriage relation and the unity OF
man and wife.
We suppose that children need not hereafter
be, so to speak, the product Of the matrimonial
firm, but may come in AS the separate property
Of either PARENT. Ahcm' This is an age Of pro-
grcss.
Well, now, this we like. This if ii goes on Will
assuagc the horrors Of tooth drawing. \ young
lady has Just received the degree Of Dental sur.
gerry from the Baltimore Dental College. 1t VIII
beat he either and render chlOroform rdiculou7,o
have the teeth manipulated by fairy fingers albeit
they bear the murdcrous fOrceps. If every lemalc
dentist should be particularly beautiful, what an
will bel-Ncc York TribuHe.
A Cleveland (Ohio) woman, whose son parts
his HAIR in the middle, has written to the Govern.
mcnt to know If she is not entitled to pension.
The Chief of the Pension Bureau writes back that
she cannot receive Il pension unless he pastes his
hair down in scollOps on his forehead, and wears
seal ring each little finger, in addition 10 MS
aforementioned inhrmity.
western traveller came up to log cabin ana
asked for drink, which was supplied by good
looking young woman. As she was the hrst Wo-
man he had seen for several days. he offered her
"A dollar for n kiss. II was Only taken and paid
for, and the young hostess, who had never seen a
dollar before looked at it II moment with some
curiosity, and then asked what she should do win
it, He replied what she chose, rs it was hers,
"If that's the case" she said you may take 1t
back and give me another kiss.
Here is another inducement for young men to
"go west ard grow up with the country
A Connecticut deacon was arraigned before a
church meeting for making improper proposals
TO his servant girl. Instead OF denying like Col
fax and Patterson, the good deacon explained.
He said that he had suspected the girl Of not be-
ing what she should be, and he was trying to sat
isfy his own mind in regard To the matter. Had
she accepted of my proposal added he, "lshould
have given her severe rcprlmand.'
All dcacons are not to be trusted under such
cirCums tances--arc they?
Another man has graduated at the Yale school
Of Journalisn' He has been rather more sue
cessful than any Of his predecessors. When he
found that he could get no more than IS week
on any Western journal, he went right away and
got position as clerk in an oyster saloon where
his weekly stipend Is $40
We know of several radical editors who would
do well to follow suit,