Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1873-06-06
SHORT sPBBCHBs.

Perhaps the shortest speech ever deliv-
cred in any legislative chamber was that of
the member of the United States Congress,
who, having got out this sentence: "Mr.
Speaker, The generality of mankind in gen.
eral are disposed TO exercise oppression on
the generality of mankind in general"
was pulled down to his seat with the re-
mark, "You'd better stop you are COM
ing out of the same hole that you went in
at.'
Daniel Webster was apt to over-indulge
himself at public dinners, but managed
when called upon, to make speech, If
brief one.
On one occasion Webster finished up
with: "Gentlemen, there's the national
debit should be paid yes, gentlemen, IL
should be paid; I'll pay it myself. How
much is ?"
Sir Arthur Helps somewhere suggests
that clergymen would be more successful
in attacking the pockets of their hocks If
they send round the plates before, instead
of after, the sermon, with the understand
ing that if they gave literally they should
be let Off from the sermon altogether. NJ.
Dupanloup, the eloquent bishop of Orleans,
preaching in behalf of the workmen of
Rouen, contented himself with saying:
"fhs is no time for long sermons, but for
good works. You are acquainted with the
calamties of those whose cause l have
c)me this day to plead. Once upon time
a king, whose name is still cherished by
us, said to his companions-in-arms, on
I, I, Il
rely: "My good friends, I am your king
you are Frenchmen. Yonder is the enemy;
let us march," / will not address you in
other words to-day than these. 1 am your
bishop you are Christians. Yonder are,
not our enemies, but our brethren who
suffer. Let us flee 10 their succorW The
result was the collection of more than
$1,000.
Edwin, once popular English actor, is
credited with the authorship of one of the
brierest Of sermons, his text being: "Man
is born to trouble as the sparks fly upward"
1 shall consider this discourse under three
heads. First, mans ingress into the world;
secondly, mans progress through the
world thirdly. mans egress out of the
world. And
First-Mans ngress into the world is naked and
bare.
secondly-His progress through it is trouble and
care.
Lastly-His egress from it, is-nobody knows where.
If we do well here, We shall do well there.
I can tell you more II preach for year"
The last time Justice Foster went on the
circuit he dismissed the grand jury to
their work with: "Gentlemen, the weather
is extremely hot; 1 am very old, and you
are well acquainted with your duty; prac-
tice ii ~
In an action for slander, Justice Creswell
put the case to the jury in the emphatic
words: "Gentemen, the defendant is a
foul-mouthed fellow. What damages? ?' An
example of judicial brevity only TO be
matched by Baron Alderson's address to
a convicted prisoner who prayed that God
might strike him dead where he stood, if
he were not innocent. After moments
silence the Judge sternly ard coldly said:
"Prisoner at the bar, as Providence has not
nterposed in behalf of society, the sentence
of The court is, that you be transported for
twenty years.
An American judge once intervened in
an odd way to prevent a waste Of words.
He was sitting in chambers, and seeing
from the piles of papers in the lawyers
hands that the first case was likely to be
hardly contested, he asked, "What is the
amount in question ?" "Two dollars"
said the plaintiffs counsel. I'll pay it,"
said the Judge, handing over the money /;
call the next case"
He had not the patience of taciturn Sir
William Grant, who, after listening for a
couple of days to the arguments OF counsel
as to The construction of an act, quietly OBJ
served when they had done: 1.-THE act is
repealed
An inquistive French bishop once caught
a Tartar in the duke de Roquelaire. The
latter, passing in ha ste through Lyons, vas
hailed by the bishop with: Hi! hip
The duke stopped. "Where have you come
from?" inquired the prelate. paris"
said the duke. "What is there fresh in
Paris?' screen peas" "But what were
the people saying when you Left ?" "Ves-
pers." "Goodness, man." broke out the
angry questoner, "who are you? What
are you called ?" Ignorant people call
me Hi hi! Gentlemen Term me the Duke
de Roquelaire. Drive on, postillion y
One morning a woman was shown into
DR.. Abernethy's room; before he could
speak, she barred her arm, saying "Burn."
"a poultice," said the doctor. Next day
she called again, showed her arm, and said:
"Better." Continue the poultice.' Some
days elapsed before Abernethy saw her
again; then she said: We'll, your fee."
"Nothing," quoth the great medico; ''you
are the most sensible woman ever saw"