Litchfield enquirer., 1873-07-17

life was changed, ceased to accept as entirely and internationally the social and political doctrines whose first expound- CT had been himself. will not say that faith in the teachings broke down with faith in the teacher. The process of dis enchantment was much slower; the scep- ticism never so complete. To this day l cherish the hope that by some direct ap plication of newer and nobler social theo- ries than any the world has yet seen, the ills of poverty, oppression and vice may be infinitely lessened. But do not see in such men as Mr. Wratislaw and his friends, the agents of revolution so vast and glorious. Whilst believed him to be loyal, how could doubt the integrity of his philanthropic schemes?
 What should do with my life? ask ed myself this when woke up one day, to find it again empty, cloudless, joyless as in the dreary childhoodof which have told you.
 Dora had married long ago, and in her house, full of happy children, there was no room for me. Life was very smooth and simple to my cousin She was exactly the Dora of old, except that husband and children filled the place once held by friends and relations. She had no room in her heart to take in all. Her father lived close by, entirely devoted to his daughters darlings. My aunts, with whom I had passed the two or three years that follow ed Mir. Wratislaw's departure, were both dead. It was consolation to me, that, in some degree, had atoned for the ungra- cious neglect of my girlhood.
 For long time my mind swerved be- tween two resolves. Should I go back to my old love, the drama. Should I fulfill longing that had often been stronger than could resist without pain, and go to Italy?
 Idid neither. Chance decided other wise. A formal proposal was made to me one day: through a German friend, one of Dora's music masters, that I should &C., cept the position of teacher of English and elocution at public institution for girls in Central Germany. I accepted it; the life pleased me; l had plenty of work and plenty of leisure, and what was more i'm portant still, plenty of friends. Music, which I studied passionately, seemed to comfort me. The years slipped by, if without great joys, certainly without great grief, and good to remember. Calm sum- mer days in the forest, winter evenings in happy homely circles, music and books, made up their pleasant sum. And now I have brought my story to the point at which I started. Dear friend, do not blame me if the confession is little late Judge 1t as gently as you can. My bet ter self has had to wrestle fercely with the worse, and more than once, the victory was doubtful. Now, come what may, I have behaved to you as you would, am sure, have behaved to me.
 My little maid will run across the fields with this letter as soon as she has put away the tea things, and you will find it on your return. I know not how the hours will pass till receive sign from you. THEODORE.
 II. HIS LETTER.
 Theodora, I have for once deceived you. When I said yesterday that 1 could not come to you this afternoon, because I wanted to find some one to take my place during our proposed holiday, but told half the truth. Another matter has kept me away; and that is the writing of very long letter.
 l have known very few women in my life, and no sweet women intimately till the last few years. It would, therefore, be idle of me to speculate upon your judgment of mans story, made up as it is of temptations, struggles, and passions of which you do not dream. The absent, eccentric, moody parish organist has not always lived the quiet life which your in- fuence has spiritualized; nor has he al- ways been the intractable creature you have tanned and subdued.
 If you can pardon me for not having taken you into my confidence before, God bless you, sweetest, we shall indeed have good days in store for us. I was the youngest step-child of my fathers second wife. My own mother l never knew. For some reason I had been an unpopular child from the cradle upwards. My fa- ther was affronted at the first sight of me because I happened to be the fourth son, instead of a much-coveted daughter The nurse found me ugly; the rest of the household, effeminate. I was a weakly boy, ana my brothers, being athletes them selves, set to work to effect my physical development. Sometimes I was dieted, that is, half starved, in order that I might learn how to bear privation. At others, I was ducked within an inch of my life, so as to become inured to cold water One day was put upon restive horse, on purpose that might experience tumble My stepmother interfered as little as my father, not because she lacked feeling, but because she hated weakness. She was a clever woman, tall, and we'll formed, and would have been Spar tan's ideal. She prided herself greatly upon being the mother of a healthy race Every year my fathers family increased, and his house grew fuller and noisier. At last I went to school. My father was now beginning to find economy necessary, as his second wife had brought him no for tune. It was proposed, therefore, that should afterwards study medicine at Vii enna under the care of physician attach ed to the celebrated Josehium. I was fif- teen when entered upon my new ife-a shy, studious, melancholy lad. The mountain air of Switzerland had braced my feeble frame, and was no longer sick ly or ill-looking, though l had not the ath- letic limbs and ruddy looks of most Eng fish country-bred boys. In the professor s home met with nothing but kindness. He had charming wife and one daugh- ter, named after her, Gisela. The Vien- nese have certain grace, loveliness, and piquarcy peculiarly their own, and Gisela had all these. A girl of eighteen looks upon her junior by three years as mere child, ana GlSoIa LF03Cou Iu6 accOruLHSIy, and took me under her especial protec- tion. No wonder that the hitherto neg lected boy worshipped her as an angel. Never have I seen creature possessed of such fascination. Whenever she talked, sang, danced, or played, it was with the abandonment of young kitten, and though she never seriously applied her self to anything, I found all her accom- plishments remarkable. Amid her flowers, statuettes, and birds she moved lightly, an inspired, inspiring thing, now absorbed in devotion, now given up to enjoyment of art and music. Her life was full of change and excitement; and, like vase of exquisite flowers, her presence impress ed the place in which she stirred with sweetness.
 I have said Gisela was a devotee. Oft en and often have felt devotee also when kneeling by her side in the beauti- ful old churches of Vienna Thus it came about that learned to love church mu- sic as I do, and to find in it consolation and delight s...-. t.
 Gisela was already in the world when I, youth, first made her acquaintance.