Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1873-08-14
sCANDALoUs

We turn the author of the following
scandal over to the ladies. Let them try
his case and determine his punishment.
AS along the street blundered
Much marveled, much wondered;
Seeing sights and things that mortal
Never saw or dreamed before;
On the pavement came rapplng,
AS of footballs gently tapping,
And heard muslin-fapping,
Which my.eyes would fain explore
"'Tis some female" then muttered-
] had seen the thing before
Only this and nothing more.
Came this female sweeping by me;
Fearing she should chance to spy me,
Suddenly stepped intoa
Friendly, waiting, open door;
Thence saw the lovely maiden
Being of some distant Alden
All perfume and dry-goods laden,
Pass me, and go on before;
Naught had to do but follow,
And note down the things she wore,
Twas a mystery to explore.
And I foundry close inspection
That her naughty upper section,
Something Chance had called bonnet,
On the pericranium wore;
And her bosom was heav1ng SLOWLY,
Meath garment fashioned 1owly,
And I knew the movement wholly,
had never seen before;
For I knew twas "patent heavers'
That this radient maiden wore,
Only these and nothing more.
And her cheeks were full and rosy
I could tell you, inter nos, a
Secret that druggist told me
Of the color that she wore
Yet her cheeks were very pleasing,
But her look at me was freezing,
And she showed sign of sneezlng,
AS she went along before;
And she sneezed pair of "plumpers"
Out yard at least before; -
Only this and nothing more.e.
Then I noticed an uncertain
Lifting of the muslin curtain,
That her feet had deity hidden,
From my errant eyes before;
With each lift came desire
That 'twould lift little higher,
And at last it did aspire
Higher than 7 had seen before;
And I knew it was tilter
That this sanity maiden wore,
Just "tilter," nothing more.
And the tilting and the rocking
Up and down the splendid stocking, 1.
Gartered by blush ribbon,
That chanced to see she wore:
Showed me-'twas sight for weeping,
That pair of calves were creeping
Out of place as she was sweeping
Like a sanity queen before;
Calves that she had lately purchased
From fancy dry goods store,
Patent calves, and not much more.
And the futtering and the Tapping
Of this maiden's gaudy trapping
Showed me sights that never mortal
Eye had dared to see before;
Sights revealed by every lifting
Of the folds of muslin drifting,
Round her, which the winds were SHIFT
Eye-ward, higher, more and more,
Sights that unto mortal vision
Never were revealed before,
Nameless here foreyermQre.
And while thus her rigging fiuttered,
Much I wondered, and I muttered,
"And you call this thing woman
That is trouncing on before;
She, the brazen doll Of fashion,
Wrapped in one tremendous passion,
Sunken from her noble station
To the thing that goes before;
Oh! that every mortal vision
Should such mystery explore"
This I muttered, nothing more.
And the thought came DER me gushing,
"Where has gone the art OF blushing
That we loved in wife or maiden,
In the sanity days of yore?"
Call me, if you will, uncivil,
While I name her "thing OF evil"
And I wish the very devil
Had the toggery she wore,
And again she were arrayed IN
Dresses like her mother wore,
Vanished now forevermore.