Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1873-05-29
Putting Up a stove.

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Putting up a stove is not 50 difficult
in itself !. Is Che pipe that raises four,
ffths Of the mischief and all the dust.
You may take down a ltove with all tie
care in the world. and have your wife p,t
away the pipe in a secure place, and yet
that pipe won't come together again as Z
was before. You find this out when YOU
are standing on a chair, with your arm s
full Of pipe and youi mouth full of soot.
Your wife is standing On the floor in a
position that enables her TO see. you, the
pipe and the chair, and here she gives ut
terance to those remarks that are ~calcula-
tsl to hasten a man into the extremes of
Insanity. Her dress is pinned over her
waist, and her hands rest on her hips.
She has got one Of your hats on her head
md your linen coat on her back, and o
pair Of your rubbers on her feet. There
is about FIVE cents worth Of pot black on
her nose, and q lot Of -four on her CHR,
and altogether she is a spectacle that
would inspire a dead man with d%istrust.
And while you are up there trying to cir
cumvent the awful contrariness of the pipe,
and telling that you know some fool has
been mixing it, she glands safely on the
floor. and bombards You with such domes>
tic notices as-.What's The use of swear.
ing so?" "You know no ono has touched
that pipe" You amt got any more pa.
thence than a child.D "Do be careful of
that chair" And then she goes off and
reappears with an armful of more pipe,
and before you are aware Gift she has
got that pipe 50 horribly mixed up that it
does seem no two pieces are alike. You
join the ends, and work them to and fro,
aud take them apart again and look at
them. Then you spread one out and jam
the other together, and mount them once
more, But it is no go, You begin to
think the pieces are inspired with life,
and ache to kick thom through the window.
But she dosen't lose her patience. She
goes around with that swfully exaspera>
ting rigging on. with a length Of pipe IN
der each arm, aud a long handled broom
in her hand, and says she don't see how it
is some people never have any trouble in
putting up a stove. Then you miss the
hammer. You don't see it anywhere.
You stare into the pipe and along the
mantle, and down on the stove, aud of to
the floor. Your wife watches you latent
4, and is finally thoughtful enough to in.
quire what you are looking after, and on
learning, pulls the article from her pocket.
Then you feel as if you cosld 60 out
doors and swear q hole tweSe feet square
through a block Of brick buildings but
she merely observes: .t'Why on earth
don't yea speak when You want anything.
and not stare around ike a dummy"
When that part Of the pipe which goes
through the wall is up, she keeps it up
with her broom while you are making the
eonnsction. and stares a. it with an iuten,
sity Chat is entirely uhcalled5 for. All
the while, your position is becoming more
and more interesting. The pipe don't 60
together, Of course. The SCOT shakes
down into your eyes and mouth, the sweat
rolls dswn yourface and tieklcs your chin
as IL drops of, and it seems as if your arms
are slowly but surely dsaming out ofthcir
socket. Here your wife comes to the
rescue, by inquiling if youtre gazing to be
all day doing nothing, and if you think
her arms are made. of cast iron, and then
the broom slips off the pipe, and in her
'endeavor to recover her hold, she jabs
you under the chin with the handle, ard
the pipe comes down on your head with
its load Of fried SCOT, and the chair tits
forward enough to discharge your feet
and you come down onthe wrong end OF
chat chair with a force that would bank,
rupta pile drTer. You don't touch thal
stove again.-DanJuty Meas.
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