Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1873-05-03
THOSE CARPETS.
A Horror Of the SDriu~-Tj,ie-

The Utica Herald remarks that the ANIMAL
ceremony OF taking up, and whipping, and put
ting down carpets - almost upon US 1t is one
Ct the ills which flesh is herr to, and cannot be
avoided. You go home some pleasant spring
day at peace with the world, and find the baby
with a clean face and get your favorite pudding
for dinner Then YOUR wife tells YOU how much
younger yOH are looking. and saws she really
hopes she can turn that walking dress she wore
las, fall, and save the expense of new suit, and
then she asks yOu If you can't Just help her
about taking up the carpet. If YOU are a fool
and You generally are by that time, YOU tell
her, Of course YOU can, just we'll as not
Then she gets a saucer for the tacks. and stands
ami holds it. and you get the claw and etdOwn
on your knees and begin To help her. You feel
quite economical about the first three tacks
and take them out carefully and put them i'm
the saucer. Your wife Is good about holding
the saucer, and beguiles you with an interesting
story about how your neighbours little boy is
not expected to live till ming.
Then you come TO the tack with a crooked
head, and You get the claw under it, and the
head comes OF, and the leather comes of, and
the carpet comes of, and rs il won't do to leave
the tack in the floor, because il will tear the
CARPET when IT Is PIT down again, you 60 to
work and skin your knuckle, and get a silver
under yOuT thumb-nsil, and tell your wife 10
shut mp about that everlasting boy. and make
NJ your mind that II doesn't make any differ
cree about that tack, and 80 YOU begin on the
corner where the carpet Il doubled two or three
times, and has been nailed down with single
nail Ncu don't care continental about saw
ing The nall. because Won GEd that il Is not a
good time for the practice of economy; but you
10 feel q little hurt when both clauses break of
from the claw, and the nail does not bulge "A
peg Then your manhood asserts itself, aud
you rise IN yOur might. and throw the carpet
claw ~ the dog, ami get hold Of the clTpet with
both hands, and the arr l. full OF dust AMI f--
ing tacks, and there Is 2 fringe Of carpet yarn
al along by the mop board, and the baby cries
and the cat goes anywhere, anywhere out OF
The world, and your wife says YOU ought To be
ashamed Of yourself to talk 80, but IL AT
carpet comes up.
Then yos lit one side OF the stove, and yOur
wife tries TO get the carpet from under it. but
can't, because Won are standing on il. So Won
Nv new hold. ard jUst a ter your back breaks
the carpet r. clear. y on are not through vet
Your VIE don't tel you any more little stories,
but she gets your old coat and hangs it on you,
and -m"thers Won with the CARPET, and OIer-
tie back door and shOves Won out. and init
mates that The carpet needs whipping. When
You hang the tJrmeEtlns thing across the
clothes line the wrong way, and get it riyhteI.
and have II slide OF into the mud, and hang j.:
Up again. and get half pint OF dust and three
broken tacks snapped out of the northwest cor
neT into your mouth BY the wind, you make
some observation " ich Won neglected to men
ton while IN the house. Then YOU hunt W a
stick and go for that carpet. The first blow
hides the sun and all the far face Of nature be-
hind a cloud or dust and right in the centre o.
mat cloud, with the wind square in your face,
no matter how You stand, you WELD that cudgel
until both hands are blistsred and the marx o.
human kindness cUTdles in your bosom.
You can whip the carpet a longer or shorter
IeTiCd, according To the size OF vOur NAL. u
don't make any difference to tie carpet. it is
Just a dusty and fuzzy, aud generally disl-
Ereeable after you have whipped il two hours.
a. II was when you commenced. Then voa
bundle n up, with one corner dragging, AMI
stumble into the house, and have more trouble
With the stove. and fail to find any way of usinS
the CARPET stretcher while you stand on the car
Iet, and fail 10 find any place to stand OF from
the carpet, and you get on your knees again
while Your wife holds the SANGER. and with
bIhI confidence hands you broken tacks,
SiCVAed lacks. tacks with no points, tacks with
heads, taeks with no feathers, tscks with the
biggest end at the point.
Finally the carpet is down. and the baby
comes back. and the cat comes back, and the
dog comes back. and YOUR wife smiles sweetly,
and saws she is glad that lob is OF her mind.
As i Is too late 10 do anything else, you sit by
the fire and smoke, with the inner conscious
ness that you are the meanest man in America.
The next day you hear your wife tell friend
that she Is 50 tired; she took up and put down
that great heavy carpet Yesterday.