The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-29

GS~ According to a Missouri paper,
there is a man in that State so tall he has
to get on his knees to scratch his head
ESy- Our school-boy remarks that when
his teacher undertakes to show bin what
is what, he only finds out which is switch.
G5s Sir" said Yankee, "you prom
ised to vote for my bill" "Vell," said the
Dietcher member, swat if did ?" "Well,
sir, you voted against it." "Vell, vat if
didP" "Well, sir, you liod." "Ven cat
If Tdid?
G5S- 1t was brilliant Mattoon boy who,
seeing dog with muzzle on for the first
time, exclaimed: Mamma, mamma, bet
five cents the dogs are going to wear hoop
skirts there goes dog with one on his
nose p
GB- A Hartford milk peddler named
! Sage, recently committed suicide. AS all
the pumps in the neighborhood were in
good working order, and never-failing
stream of water running through his prem
ises, no cause can be assigned fr the rash
act. 1t is the prevailing opinion that Sage
didn't act sagely.
| tB- An old bachelor said, "theres a
darned sight more jewelry worn nowadays
than when l was young. But there's one
piece that always admired which don't
often see." "What is that ?'' asked
young lady. GA thimble," was the reply.
He was regarded with contempt and scorn
by every lady in the room for the rest of
the evening.
az Are you a skillfull mechanic ?'
eyes sir.''
" What can you make ?"
"Oh, most anything in my line"
"Can you make devil?"
"Cel eltainly-just put up your foot, and
will split it in three seconds; never saw
chap in my life that required less altera-
tion."
CSy A school inspector, examining the
boys put them through their "animal
kingdom" and in the course of his per-
form ance rather grandly exclaimed, "Now,
can any of you boys name to me an ami
NAL of the order Edentata-that is, a
front-tooth toothless animalP' A boy at
once smitten with wisdom replied, 81
can" "Well, what is the animal ?" "My
grandmother !'' replied the boy.
eB- A Pennsylvania farmer recently sent
his son to store With twenty-six dozen
of eggs, telling him to "set on them' going
down hill, so that tie wagon would not
jolt them out. The boy sat on them, but
not the way his father intended; and when
he reached the store, four dozen eggs and
his pantaloons were ruined. When he re-
turned home his father chided him with
check-strap, and he hasn't had an appetite
for sitting down since.
tB- One of the boys at Camp Noble, In
diana, was lately put on guard, and report
ed to his captain in the morning that he
: was abused by a fellow because he would
not allow him to pass.
"Well" said the captain, "what did
! you doP"
"Do? Why, demonstrated with him."
"And to what effect ?"
"Well, don't know to what effect but
the barrel of my gun is bent"
= nB / had more money than he had to
carry ON the suit" said very mean indi-
5 vidual who had just won lawsuit over a
poor neighbor, "and that's where had
the advantage of him. Then had much
better counsel than he, and there I had the
advantage of him. And his family were
sick while the suit was pending so he
], couldn't attend to it, and there had the
It advantage of him again. But, then, Brown
\, is very decent sort of man, after all. Z"
eyes" said his listener, "and there's
d where he had the advantage of you"
d EB- A well known baldheaded banker,
who always prides himself in being self
made man, during a recent talk with a
friend had occasion to remark that he was
the architect of his own destiny-that he
was a selfmade man. "W-w-what d-did
you s-say ?' asked the friend who shutters.
+ 81 say with pride that am selfmade
:, man that made myself" "Hold, inter
rupted the friend, "w-while you were
making yourself why the Dickens
d-did-didn't you p-put some more h-hair on
=. the top of y-your h-head?"
tB- A man in neighboring town having
heard that the ague could be cured by
crawling head first down stairs whom the
a.