National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1873-06-12

fErOTn the Huunl0 N9hNltil
simpson Is an amateur Agricultural whose
experience In the business Of markot-garden-
inc extends back to the beglnnlug N the
present season. Among his qualifications he
hrinOs 10 his new business q fertility Of inven-
lion and q proncness 10 eNperimen that
promise 10 render him an ornament to the
profession.
Ills first serious encounter with unframed
nature was contest wsged against tho IN
cursiye nca-not the Hea Of commerce, nor
the domestic pest that consplres WIN the
moaauIto and th, baby to make niShl h,ueous,
and keer the ycaried household IN tuthut
81 yin6ir,ive yIyaclty--but tho hca that IN
fcsted his tomato plants and reduce" 'ncin '"
a bllubtcd and forlorn conditl3n, III, i,,,,.
boo, ,bc nens were too soon for that. lie
strewcd snuff over them, but the leas only
naused 10 snceze and wipe their dlmlhulte
noses, aud TRANQUILITY proceeded WIN lhe e,
grazing. lie tried all the methods usually
employcd to convince those cNasperatuhg ~
sects that their society was NOT aBicSaio o
and fnllcd. The heas became more c"blous
and The plants more disconsolaIo' iheh
simpson cut loose from established precedents
ami brnuyht hIs Inyentiycnesz into action lie
began 10 catch the individual lcas, and as
fast as caught he would apply an atom Of nj
tro-glycerinc to the seat OF their pahtaloons
and let them 20. The concuS-loh ol Unc
irst iump was generally sufficient to explode
the compound. some Of them were Killed by
the explosion and some by the fall. Many
had their hipa seriously dlslocAted. Such OF
them "A cscaped afforded simpson q consid.
cradle rational amusement by the ar on
mingled astonlshmient and elation win when
they contemplated their inexpllcablc ana SUI.
denly augmented agility. simpson ielt thal
a q = time 10 HnaTp he
could cxteTminatc a round or two Of iieas by
this method; but the cNigency required some,
thing more swocpingly elective than mana
| TO hand encounter with each flea, so simpson
changed his base. Simpson Ia an Intelligent
man, and, as such, he was aware OF tue un-
reSulted affection layished by heas upon
WALLER dogs. lie procured yaller dog
| and lied him, kindly but firmly, in the
midst Of his tomato plants. The result was
| eminently satisfactory. to every one CON
| cerned except the dog. How the intelll-
| Vcncc was disseminated among the neas am
unable to state, but in less than two minutes
word was somehow passed around among
i them that there was some yAller dog TO DC
had, and the lcaa, dropping all and singular
| their other business, proceeded for hun ike
country folks on the way TO circus. Every
plant was deserted and the dog speedily 70,
sembled pile of animated onion seeds. As
| q general rule the yallcr dog never enjoys
himself any more keenly IN TINS WORM Oh NJ.
initiation than when hc Is pursuing yagranl
flea around the hooks and corners OF his wa
carcass; but there were more feas entertain
ing simpsons dog than he knew properly
how to entertain. lie tried to extend tho
usual Inequalities to a few OF the first OF
them, but when the regular procession began
TO arrive he seemed To realize that simpson
had played II on him In the hasest manner,
aud pensiyely following his tall around sever
or eight times, he laid down and gradually
died that they might live. Sealed proposals.
are Invited by Simpson from parties having
yallcr dogs 10 let at owners risk during th'
month Of June.