Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-08-08
.HUMOR.

The IltusVllIe HPreSS chronicles the
following event with modest pride Titus
vile was not the birthplace of the Father
of his country, but we have man residing
here who slipped upon muddy crossing,
this afternoon, and sat down on roll OF but.
ter which he was carrying home, and in
stead OF swearing, he simply arose, s;raped
the butter from his pants into the paper
again. and went on again as if nothing had
happened
Another Wisconsin man has fallen mar
tyr to the law which allows woman to pro-
cure policy OF assurance on her husbands
life The companies remark that under the
present mixed condition OF chemical expert
testimony it would be thro ing good money
after bad to dispute the claim, although thy
know where she bought the strychnine
They say that when the news of his mo
theirs death reached the Shah Of Berllne,,
he sent home the Shahesses, aud declared
that the royal grieft should be postponed M
till his return to Persia, Which emnl1s
Kate of the Yankee woman, wao. upon he
ing told at dinner OF her ma oADu deaf,
exclaimed. s.Just wait uatl. ge ooe eal
ing, and LII show you some tai ciyie-
An Englshman has offered 10 sapse.,oe
fifty or one hundred pounds to aards ,ue
completion of telescope that SHALL be pow
erful enough TO discover humaD belngs-li
existing-in any OF toe spheres Ii Would
be aggravatlng for our noble race to See
anybody walking around there without be-
ing able to put them On reservation
ssIndia my boy" said an Irish officer to
friend on his arrival at Calcutta, sis the
finest climate under the sun but lot OF
young fellows come out here, and they
drink, and they eat, and they drink, and
they die and then they write home to
their parents pack OF lies, and say it's TIE
climate as has killed them
He met Miss Kitty at the ball. After
talking about the balloon ascension, the
weather, and other things, be said abruptly:
"Where is your mother 7" "Oh," said the
sweet damsel, II have left her at home. [
generally do when come to ball. What
is home without mother p
''John," said stingy old hunk to his
hired man, as he Was taking dinner, "do
you know how may pancakes you have
eaten ~
s.No."
"Well, you've eaten fourteen"
"Well," said John, "you count, and Til
eat"
Edmund Munger, speaking of the time
when he was the custom Of school children
as you passed school-house, to make
bow but in these later days, as you pass
school-house, you must keep your eye peel
ed, or you will get SNOWFALL or brickbat
at the side of your head.
The student.editors of small Western
college paper having printed some remarks
in ridcule Of woman lecturer, have been
sued by her for $4,000, which sum, re-
marks the Detroit Tribune sis an easy
thing to get out of almost any college paper"
Mrs. Mary j. Hartwell, of Columbus,
Ohio, heard voice say the other night:
"Your brother William is dead" and she
awoke the old man. with her screams. A
letter came next day from Dayton announc-
ing that her brother was well and had
paving contract.
The editer of the San Francisco sChron-
ical," after stating that be has ''no desire to
engage in personal controversy proceeds
to characterize the editor of rival news
paper as drunken and cowardly idiot, who
disgraces journalism
A contemporary, speaking of the Difficult.
ty of newspaper editor pleasing everybody
says !: "Eyen il one sounded the praises Of
his Maker the devil woula b. offadded -
The New York "Worldv has coioe1
new adjective. 1t speaks Of certain cross
ings of Broadway as the '.jammedsst spots
ia its whole length.
General Wise, in his prime could write
an editorial 6fty.six yards long, but be i.
getting old now, and don't push them be-
yond forty or thereabouts r8ffE /
An Alabama firm announces that on ae.
count Of the cholera, they will close their
soda.stand and redeem all tickets with
Every reliable cholera mixture"
"A California paper thinks the sscomipp
man. has been delayed on account of the
suppression of free passes.
A Rochester man lay drunk in an alley
all night with $500 in his pocket 1t is
only necessary to add that the Rochester
folks didn' t know it.
II wonder where those clouds are going?o
said Flora
Her brother replied
II think they are going to thunder
To spite Of Ben Buffers optical adyant
ages he finds it hard to keep an eye on the
Presidency, the Chief Justceship and the
Governorship Of Massachusetts.
An Iowa Justice of the Peace refused to
fine man for kissing gil against her
will, on the ground that she could have bit.
ten him but did not
ssWhat is the date of your hustle p was
what an anxious papa asked his well-dressed
daughter, after searching for the latest COPY
of his paper
Divorce will next be obtained on the
ground Of emotional insanity" such as
marrying an empty purse
Punching the Eagle" was the leading
headline of the report of the Fourth of july
celebration in the Minneapolis Tribune"
The last eolorei appontee to West Point
halls from way down in Georgia. and hi
name it is Henry Ossian Phoebus Flipnfr.
Died Of eatin' kokernut," said cor.