Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-01-09

gates again, and return the bees-their
honey all safe-to the airs Of heaven and
the flowers of earth. He received his
patent.
Another applicant asked for patent
right for an artificial moon, that should
light each town that used it without eX-
pense. His eye had often been struck by
the reflection of distant windows at sun
set, ard how far that light travelled. He
therefore proposed balloon for each
town, sufficiently large to raise Il huge
reflector that was to be hoisted every
evening at dusk (about the time the hens
had shut in the bees) The reflections OF
the suns rays, cast downward upon the
village. was sure to light IT through all
the darkness of night Fortunately for
himself, this inventor presented his appli
cation through a patent attorney, who
told him it was doubtful il it could be
obtained.
In the fall of 1871, gentleman, prob
ably from California, applied for and re-
ceiyed patent for building houses on
wheels or rollers, SO that, in case of earth
quakes, they might roll forward or back
ward, but not be shaken to pieces
Only three years have passed away since
a very ingenious gentleman from the
rural districts applied for a patent to
prevent COWS from switching their tails!
He presented two models-one shaped
like bottle, around the neck of which
the cows tail was to be curled; the other
consisted of a square block, with hole
through the center, wherein the tail was
10 be put, and then tied in knot, SO that
tie animal could not withdraw it. On the
presentation Of the application, the official
examiner thought it could not be granted,
because of similar device in Don
Quixote," where Sancho Panza, trying to
sleep in hay-loft, was kept awake by
the braying of his donkey below. His
that, when riding the donkey, the animal
always switched his tail when he brayed.
Descending hastily from the hay-loft, the
squire tied block to the donkey's tail to
prevent him from braying. But as this
device originated with Spaniard, and
had never been repeated in this country,
the office decided to grant the patent
Our readers will, therefore, remember
that they cannot tie cows tail to pre-
vent its switching without payment of
royalty to the owner of this privilege.
If Don Quixote' anticipated one of
our American patents, Coleridge's ''An-
cient Mariner" performed the same office
for another, when he says:
The air is cut away before,
And closes from behind
Noticing how vessels are delayed by the
nece ssity of pushing aside the water that
obstructs their way, an ingenious gentle
man asked for patent for putting in
front of the vessel a series of hollow
wheels, whose blades should act as pad
dies. These wheels would lift the water
SO speedily out of the way that the vessel
would have to rush in to fill the void
This motion of the vessel would give the
wheels another turn, and then the wheels
would once more lift away the water, and
thus draw the vessel on. And SO the mo-
ton of the vessel would turn the wheels,
and the turn Of the wheels would draw
the vessel. This applicant for per
petual motion was so certain of
success that, to provide for the
uly difficulty he could foresec-which
was in the too rapid motion of the YES
sci, that would tear itself to pieces-he
provided an anchor, with a spring cable
to it, that he might check the vessel from
its too rapid speed. The examiner, how
ever, might have given his decision in the
next verse of the ancient Mariner:
Fly, brother, fly! more high, more high,
Or we shall be belated;
For slow and slow that ship shall go,
Till the mariner 5 trance is abated.
An applicant for patent for wooden
pavements proposed to mount each block
of wood on springs He claimed that this
would remove all jar in riding, and obvi-
ate the necessity of springs on carriages.
Another gentleman applied for a patent
for heating canals by steam, SO that boat
ing could go on in winter as well as in
summer The office decided that this in
vention was worthy Of protection, and
gave him his patent.
Another applied tor combination of
clock and bed, so ingenously contvried
that, when the clock struck, the bottom
of the bed dropped out. He claimed that
this plan would probably awaken the
sleepers.
Speaking Of Combinations, he must have
come from Missouri or K ansas who asked
for patent for a combination of cannon
and plOW. For this purpose he filed three
applications, making the elongated han
dies of the pillow hollow, so as to form two
cannons. These were to be kept loaded
till the guerillas were after him; the can
non were then to be fred, the guerillas
shot down, and the farmer to 90 on his
p1Owlng way, rejoicing.
And he, too, must have come from the
borders who asked for patent Of com
bination of trunk and house. The trunk
was made with triple SIDES, moving up
and down Doing duty all day in guard
ing clothes, when night came on, and no
cabin near, the goods were to be taken
out, the triple was elevated into one,
and the benighted traveller safely housed.
AS early as 171S, Mr.. James Pashile
patented swivel-gun in England, with
the motto:
| Defending King George, your Country and
Is Defending Yourselves and the Protestant
The novelty Of this plan was that his
gun fired two kinds of ball, square ball
and a round one. The round ball was to
be used in all fights against Christian ma
tions; the square balls, that would man
gle the flesh more, only in contest with
Turks and other heather. This gentle
man of old time must have been the an
cestor Of Mark Twain, of this country,
who so lost his temper because the Secre-
tary of War refused to recommend his
gun for a patent. Mr.. Twain's idea was
to have swivel-gun that should load at
the center and fire off at both ends. In
case of a siege, he proposed to load the
gun, set it a-whirling, and drop it Just out
side the city walls. Before the balls left
the mouth of the cannon, they would &C
quire such a rotary motion that they
would sweep round the walls outside of
the town, killing off all the besieging
host. We must acknowledge, however,