The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-05-31
VARIETY.

Coleridge tells of who had such an over
whelmng self-esteem, that he never spoke OF
himself without taking of his hat
Seven hundred gallons of whisky were DESTROYED
by lightning in Indiana town the other day,
but it was pretty even tussel between the two.
PEEsEvEErSG.-An Ohio paper speaks of one
who has been perseyering contributor to the
Office waste-basket for years past.
Rosa young man who was crossed in love
attempted suicide recently by taking dose Yeast
powder He Immediately rose above lis troubles.
Lake ChOggoggaggoggmanc in
Michigan. Is n good place to go tor the summer.
The place Is particularly recommended for people
afflicted with stammering by the time they can
tell where they are they're wholly cured.
\ lady, showing to a friend the photograph of
herself and husband, told that the gentle
mans much the better likeness. Yes, my
dear" she answered - but then you know that
men are 50 easy to catch :"
Sealed proposals will be received at this Office
for letting the contract to explain the following
Joke, from the New Albany Ledger ga practice
of which. vain young physician is too apt to
boast cauteTize. " Ike ought 10 rise and
expLIin.-MiSSOHri Democrat.
WIFE: Well, what did Mr.. Brown say
Will he let have the money! Husband ::
- He s-s-said you'd ff-nd it wi-wiser in the end
to P-p-p-" Wife: :" To what? IL you can't
ll. u,
triumphantly: /" To paddle your own canoe
An old farmer said to his sons "Boys, don't
you ever spckerlate, or wait for anything to turn
up. You might just well 90 and sit down on
a stone in the middle Of medder, with pail
'twixt you legs, an wait for COW to back to
you to be MIXED"
Judge fine Tim Larry five dollars for assault
and battery on Pat Malone Pat-But your
honor, 1 want more damages. He blacked me
.r,1 TroI HCav, I'd
couldn't have gone. Judge-The court knows
nothing about consequential damages. You must
carry your case to Geneva.
A western paper speaks of the house-cleaning
season as that time when - divine woman has her
own way at the house, while the old man takes
his solemn repast from the top Of the -four barrel,
and in sleeping enjoys the interval between the
bedroom and the front fence. 1t is a season of
meditation, wbitewash and calm, unimpassoned
profanity"
The a. DOuble-action - salye, the inventor
claims. is acquiring q worldwide sale and noto-
riety, and ne has fully tested it. Having acci-
deutaIIy cut off the tail of his dog, he immedi-
ately applied tine salve to the stump, when q new
tail grew Odt- THIS unlOOked-for quality Of the
salve induced him 10 apply some to the raw end
of the dismembered taIi, and bran new dog was
the result. He thus doubled his dog crop in a
few minutes It is strongly recommended TO all
kinds of stOck-breeders.
An ENGLISH DIVORCE STORY.-A correspondent
of the Cincinnati Commercial, writing from Lon
don under date Of January %, says: The fol-
lowing story is told in the inns of court The
late Chief Justice Maule had brought before him
a poor sailor charged with bigamy. The sailor
pleaded guilty, and, on being asked if he had
ANYTHING to say why the usual sentence should
not be passed, said " May it please your lord
ship, my wife ran away with another man and
left me with family Of children whom my duties
as a British sailor hardly enabled nae to take
of without another wife. What ought to have
done?'' 's Prisoner" said his lOrdsbip, sternly.
So will tell you what you ought to have done
YOU ought TO have employed posse of policemen
to pursue that elOping wife and to have estab-
lished n case Of against her; you ought
then 10 have gone up TO the House of Lords and
secured from their lordships divorce, and then
married again. You may say such procedure
would have cost you five or six hundred pounds,
whereas you have not so many pence. But, SIR,
that makes no difference. IL is nay business,
sitting here as an English judge, TO inform you
that this Is not country where there Is one law
for the rich and another for the poor" The story
represents a bit Of the irony under which the
costly machinery of the lords court IN such cases
made wnv for the divorce court.