The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-07-12
HUMOROUS.

"A cynical lduy Talller lUClliltu 10 1IIt,
says most men are like cold-very easily
caught, but hard to get rid of.
Some Pittsburg boys made raid on
clergyman's strawberry bed, and one of
them dropped a gold watch, which the
minister is now wearing,
"A sheriff in Indiana, when he has
an idle jury on his hands, sets them
TO work moving the grass around the
courthouse.
- No, thank you, | never smoke,o
was the courteous reply of slumber-
ing orthodox deacon as he gently pushed
away the proffered contribution-box.
=" Pm not in mourning" said a young
lady, frankly, to young querist, "but
as the widows are getting all the offers
nowadays, we poor girls have to resort
to artifice.o
"A "honey-moon car" is now on the
Pacific railway for the purpose of bridal
parties. 1t has comely as well as honey
comply appearance is full Of sweets and
full of sells.
A preacherin Iowa is about to be
hanged for baptizing his wife at night
without the ceremonies prescribed by the
church, though chiefly for keeping her
under the water too long, C0urfer-Jou''-
nal.
1t is ascertained that Of forty-three
girl graduates of the Lawrence (Mass)
schools, but one INDUCES IN the affectation
of spelling her first name with an ''e.p
The fact is mentioned as an evidence of an
improving condition of the female mind.
"A young lady became so dissatisfied
with her lover that she dismissed him. In
revenge he threatened to publish herletters
to him. Very well,o said the lady,
have no reason to be ashamed Of any part
Of my letters except the address,
"A lady dealer in hair goods down
east heads her advertisement in the local
newspaper with this travesty Of DR.. Watts
chow val n are all things here below,
How false and yet how fairl''
But if for false things you would so,
invest at once Ia hair"
IF you had avoided rum.n said d
wealthy though not an intelligent grocer to
his neighbor, "your early habits, industry,
and intellectual abilities would now have
permitted you to ride in your CARRIAGE
9 And If you had never sold rum for me to
buy,n replied the bacehanal, you would
have been my driver"
The Bishop of Oxford lately sent
round to the church wardens in his diocese
circular of inquiries, among which was !:
"Does your officiating clergyman preach
the gospel, and is his conversation and
carriage consistent herewith ?" The
curch warden near Wallngford replied !:
"He breaches the gospel, but does not
keep a carriage"
Mr.. S., who has been in the Owing
business for several years, received last
week a neat dun-colored card, with uncle
SANS name on the face. and upon the back
finds a financial problem:
To avoid proceedings unpleasant,
l wish you would pay what is due
Ifyou do youth oblge me Mt present,
If you don't then III oblge you.
Persistently yours, b. & Co.
Sheridan was much annoyed in the
House Of Commons by q member who
kept constantly crying, "Hearl" The
witty orator described a fellow who wanted
to play fool, and exclaimed with great en-
phasis. "Where shall we find a more fool
ish knave or more knavsh fool than hep
"Hear! Hear ~ shouted the troublesome
member. Sheridan turned round, and
thanking him for the prompt information,
sat down amidst a general roar of laugh
ter.
PAY AS YOU Go. ITO be "comiorta.
ble,' the first essential is to keep out Of
debt. This is, to some. perhaps easier sale
than done yet the effort should always
be made. Labor is generally in demant
in this country, especially in the agricul
tual districts, but there are those whose
lives have been SO far spent in the cities
that it is too late to adapt themselves
to any other life. Want of EN-,
ployment or sickness may interfere witt
these, but it cannot be questioned tina
the last week Of the year should see
household out of debt, ifpossible. In a
circles, whether of mechanical or agricul
tural labor or III the fashionable regions
the odd dollar has to be watched, OF ter
dency will be to leave a woful deficit
the end Of the year. II we would me,
our fellow-men with light hearts on I'll
LIST Of January, 1874, we must avoid Il
greatest Of all discomforts, Debt, ar
adopt as our maxim-what has been pr
nounced the philosophers stone'-pa
as You 90, - Baltimore Sun.