Eaton weekly Democrat. [volume] (Eaton, Ohio) 1866-1875, 1873-01-09
Humorous.
MEN of color-Painters.
The last mana cobbler.

|
PAINFUL suspense Hanging.
BRoTHERs- s-M-1Aw-The judges.
THE children's kingdom-Lap-land.
The rock that topers split on-Quartz.
Common scENTs-Musk and verbena.
THE table of interest-The dinner-ta-
BILE.
FORCED politeness- -Bowing to circum-
stances.
TRIALS for the human understanding
Long walks.
THE acrobats of every household-The
pitcher and tumbler.
ONE can always find sheet of water
in the bed of the ocean.
teMEEr me at the gate, love, has been
changed to 'fMeet me at the CRATE.
PARrR1paEs are tame enough in Illinois
TO eat from the hand-when properly
cooked.
WHICH travels the fastest, heat or
cold? Heat, of course, because you can
catch cold.
THE entire tobacco crop of the United
States last year was 263, 1876, 100 pounds,
over one-third of which was raised In
Kentucky.
ssWHY should we celebrate Washing
toms birthday more than mine?" asked a
teacher. because he never told a he!'
shouted little boy.
| A MAN advertises for a competent per-
son to undertake the sale of a new med
icine, and adds that sit will prove high
ly lucrative to the undertaken.
| A COUPLE of Hoosiers, one of whom
was named Trooth, recently had a little
quarrel over the division of some corn.
| Trooth was crushed to the earth, but he
rose again and vanquished his assailant,
and now the eternal ears (of corn) are
his.
Because you haven't cash in hand,
To freely advertise your stand,
Don't be backward nor afraid
To offer your goods in trade.
For ANYTHING but law or phye1c
| Wen freely ssetn our type Con tickr-
Advertisers, don't be afraid
To delve in mines, where fortunes MADE.
TIE New York Mail says the law just
passed in Kansas, giving mothers control
| of their children, is a capital measure,
| and should be initiated in other States.
| Children have had control of their
mothers SO long it is time for a change.
We believe in rotation in the domestic
offices.
ApREAoHER, one slippery, frosty morn
ing. going home with one of his elderly
members, the old gentleman slipped and
fell. When the minister saw that he was
not hurt, he said: 'tMy friend, sinners
stand on slippery places. Eyes, " re-
piled the old man, looking at the preach
er, s'I see they do, but I can't"
A Troy man spent three quarters OF
an hour, the other evening, in trying to
pick up a piece of moonshine from his
| doorstep. which he fondly fancied to be
a newspaper. His afflicted wife came
ont. brought him to consciousness by
the aid of a loose fence picket and
steadied his tottering steps into the
house.
BRET HARTE, in his lecture, tells a
GOOD story illustrative of early times in
california. which originated in the trial
of a horse-thief The jury had occupied
for an unpleasantly long time room ad-
ioinino the one in which the trial had
taken place. when the Judge, becoming
impatient, opened the door and re-
marked. "Take your time, gentlemen;
hnt remember that we want this room to
lay out the corpse"
THERE ought to be straight, square,
, stand-up-ativeness about an adveretlse-
ment that Will convince without doubt.
Do not say, s'My stock is certainly, or
sis doubtless" the best; say it it is the
best: YOU cannot get beyond that If you
swear to it. It is worse yet to say, Gone
of the best" or, 'sAmong the best, as
though YOU wanted to be Washington
with his little hatchet. Keep the best,
and let every one know it, and the Lord
will befriend you.