Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1873-04-12

THE LUD10RoUs IN PATENTS. I
so1As - sAs csrissitiss Of Invsntavs
T Genius.
The amount Of missapplied talent en-.
gagged on inventions that can never be
used is 90 wonderful as it is prolific, and
there is . ludicruus element in many of
tho patents, and more of the spplica-
tions. which Is we'll worth investigation.
We extract from the records Of the Pat
ent Office an account of some Of these
that show more genius than common
sense, and have produced more laugh
ter than profit. .i.. ....Ii'' .
In 1870 the owner of certain bee-hives
ir,itated by the loss Of his honey by
the bee-moth, asked for patent for q
combined hen-roost and beehive. He
had noticed that the bee-moth travels
at night, while the busy bee works by
day. His desire, therefore, was for
device that should admit the worker by
day and keep out the thief by night.
This his ingenuity affected by the erec-
ton of q hen roost, provided with gates.
The bees were expected to be in their
cells just before dusk; the hens, light
ing on their roots, were then to close
the gates of the hive, and keep them
shut all night. The early rising of the
hens would automatically open the gates
again, and return the bees-their honey
all safe-to the airs of heaven and the
flowers of earth. He received the pat
ent.
Another applicant asked for patent
right for an artificial moon, that should
light each town that used it without
expense. His eye had often been
struck by the reflection of distant win
dows at sunset, and how far light trav-
eled. He therefore proposed balloon
for each town, sufficiently large to raise
huge reflector that was to be hoisted
every evening at dusk (about the time
the hens had shut in the bees.) The
reflection of the suns rays, cast down.
ward upon the village, was sure to light
it through all the darkness of the night.
Fortunately for himself, this inventor
presented his application through a pat
ent attorney, who told him it was doubt
full if it could be obtained.
In the fall of 1872 gentleman, pro-
badly from California, applied for and
received patent for building houses
on wheels or rollers, so that in case of
earthquakes they might roll forward or
backward and not be shaken to pieces.
Only three years have passed away
since q very ingenious gentleman from
the rural districts applied for patent
to prevent cows from switching their
tails! He presented two models-one
shaped like bottle, around the neck of
which the cows tail was to be curled;
the other consisted of square block,
with hole through the centre, wherein
the tail was to be put and tied in aknot,
so that the animal could not withdraw
it. On the presentation of the applica-
ton, the official examiner thought it
could not be granted because of simi-
lar device in Don Quixote," where
Sancho Panza, trying to sleep in the
hay-loft, was kept awake by the bray
ing of his donkey below. His wakeful-
ness gave Sancho time to reflect, that,
when riding the donkey, the animal
always switched his tail when he brayed.
Descending hastily from the hay-loft,
the squire tied block to the donkey's
tail to prevent him from braying. But
as this device originated with Span.
lard, and had never been repeated in
this country, the Office decided to grant
the patent. Our readers will, therefore,
remember that they cannot tie cows
tail to prevent its switching without a
payment of royalty to the owner of this
privilege.
Another gentleman applied for pat
ent for heating canals by steam, SO that
boating could 90 on in winter as we'll
as in summer. The Office decided that
this invention was worthy OF protection,
and gave him his patent.
Another applied for combination OF
clock and bed, SO ingeniously contrived
that, when the clock struck, the bottom
of the bed dropped out. He claimed
that his plan would probably awaken
the sleepers.
Speaking of combinations, he must
have come from Missouri or Kansas who
asked for patent for combination of
cannon and plow. For this purpose he
fled three applications, making the
elongated handles of the plow hollow,
so as to form two cannon. These were
to be kept loaded till the guerrillas
were after him; the cannon we're then
to be fired, the guerrillas shot down,
and the farmer to 60 on his plowing
way rejoicing.
And he, too, must have come from
the borders, who asks for patent OF q
combination of trunk and house. The
trunk was made with triple sides NOV
ing up and down. Doing duty all day
in guarding clothes, when night came
on, and no cabin near, the goods were
to be taken out, the triple walls elevated
into one, and the benighted traveller
safely housed.
Another asked for patent for the
invention of the generation of steam,
by boring hole into the ground till he
reached the waters that are boiled by