Elizabeth daily monitor. [volume] (Elizabeth, N.J.) 1868-1880, 1873-09-09
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HIS WIFk'S FhIENDS.

That Danbury News Man has much to
answer for. The Peoria Review is the
last of the papers to flourish an imitator
of him, and here is specimen Of its
work 1:
Squire Blinks, retired old gentle
man, lives away down on Seventh
street. The other morning three old
ladies from Macon county came to his
house on visit They used to kno v
his wife before she was married. The
squire welcomed them to his mansion,
and then went out to his barn and swora
for half an hour. While he was sooth-
ing himself thus, his wife called him in
E. to the house. She handed him an UNI
brella to keep off the sun, and said the
ladies had walked up from the depot
and left some things there for him to
bring up. So he brought them up,
making two round trips for the baskets,
band-boxes, and two black oil-cloth
travelling bags, all of which the squire
discourteously called Internal old
traps.
As he sat in the back kitchen wiping
his brow, his wife brought out the mar
ket basket and said there was not bit
of sugar or tea in the house, and she re-
marked that while he was going down
town he might as well get the molasses
Jug filed. The squire asked her how
long those old migratory pelicans were
going to stay. And she asked him if
he thought she would be so rude as to
ask them. Then the squire went down
and laid in the groceries. When he got
back his wife said she had forgotten
something, and thought OF it just when
it was too late. She must have some
corn-starch. The squire asked her if
any of the old scarecrows had dropped
the least hint as to the duration of their
visit. She said not. The squire look
ed sad and discontinued. When he laid
the paper of corn star III on the kitchen
t,ble his wife said they must have cod
fish for dinner. One of the ladies said,
in the course of conversation, that she
was fond of Goldfish.
The Squire asked the old buzzards
had yet committed themselves on the
extent of their present roost. She said
he ought to be ashamed of himself
When he slapped the Goldfish down on
the table with a whang, his wife got
him to bring in some water and wood.
Mrs. Spoonanger said she never dined
without ale, and the Squire was asked if
he would go down and bring up bot
tie. He asked if he should go into the
parlor and get those old cormorants to
make out list of what they did like,
and furthermore asked if they were yet
silent as to when they thought they
would go away. He got the ale, and,
for fear he would have to trot down
town again, he hired an express wagon
and loaded it with all sorts of garden
truck, bottle of whisky, box of sar-
dimes, pound of snuff, some cove oys-
tiers, dried apples, beans, smoked
tongue, and cut and dried tobacco,
picked walnuts, canned corn, mackerel,
split peas, etc.
The next day the Squire was sent
down town only eight times. Early
the next morning he started out into
the country to see man. When he
got home he asked his wife if any time
had been set for the departure. On the
evening of the following Monday one OF
the ladies said she thought she ought to
start on the next Friday, So as to reach
home before Sunday Mrs. Binks said
they ought not to be in hurry. The
Squire groaned, and said they ought to
make their visit out. On Friday morn
ing the Squire had an express wagon
before the door. But his wife said the
ladies had concluded to stay until after
the Fourth. Then the Squire went
out to saw wood and converse with him
self