, 1873-11-23
TIUMOR.

HUMOR.
Ono to1,ch Of panic m1akes tho whole world
slin.
"A modern wlitor on aoclal aoenco diyldoa
the human raco Into throo claBsos: Thoso who
think It is 30, tAoHo who think II tan't 10, md
those who don't caro- d -- wheehor 1t la 30 or
not. -,
--Jaol, who Ia at boarding- g-sclool in tho cot,n-
try. writoa homo: "ploaso 4end mo good trap
ocatoh woodchucls and Q, poco of carpet for
mo to say my prayers on"
-Jouiins told bis son, who propoHod to buy
a COW in partnership, to DO sure and buy tho
lindor half, ns 1t eats nothing and gives all tho
-Sftnnio-"I'm in suc1l quanaary for, II I
turn my back on Oiarl oy llo becomes offended
at oncoi md, + don't ho e, can't 500 my now
They hurry things up in Dubuque. 4 young
man thnro met 4 strange girl on Btrcct-car tho
other day, paid hor faro, and marrlod her tllroe
houra nftorward.. Bless you, my clil1drsul
because IN oillec-huntor ,hand1os thros or four
atiff horns In Il har-room. boforo breakfast, that
Ia no ronson why ho should Try to palm lln1so}f
or on the Grangeea as ''horny-handed farmer"
.:-Thcre is nothing pleasantor, when In tho do
uHel 10 catch ali tho 1sh md find all tho berries
worka its rsvonge
..,,1snthusiasto English tourint IL Scotland to
in Which hob Roy was born p Native copch.
nun" Eli; air, an' it'u Just mic o thom."
According to Dooohcr, IT Tho cheapest thing
on earth is moan man., 4 faithful dog dios
and Ia missed, q good md stately lorao dies aud
tumn Is . source Of aadnoss to us, but mean men
die and fow tenrs fall"
Tho oll-clothea dea1ors say that worry little
stock is brought ill.,. Wearing old garments ia
wlnor Is oYor that it viii 10 hgh aty1o for gen-
tlomen to attond opera with spoctac1eB In tho
roar o., their panta1oona-Lo uisuille Courier
Journal.
Tho panic has roachod Utah. Businessmen,
according to All o1chango, aro reauoing their
number Of wivcs and getting rid Of al other
outstanding obligations es fast na posaiblo..
domestic Eoonomy-Afithor- Now. Joan,
whom tho FOLKS como to toa. mind 70 dlvort them
asss %na sokc tSnss e e ronn
mannorly, and sot tho example by just aayin', ),
mo. thanl1yo,' to it ALL"
Ono OF tho Japanese students at Ya1o WAS
accostea BY n Sophomore tho othor day with,
japan ansrored politely, giving his surname.
don't hsSa but ono u name, tauI Soc ?" whst ' mas
the first namo Of Moscs Z" was tho reply. ;:
-Uee and Abuae-old Cont" You don't
toothpick." Waiter" We'll, sir, re used to keep
'on, but the gents almost invariably took ON
away when they'd dono With 'om."
Not long since, at Sunday y-sehool, tho teach-
oass % Of sma bea L tho sn of 81 @ us
ing, asked: "Ia Sunday hotter than any other
day?" when tho smallest boy in tho clnss an
Averod: "You bot your boots 1t IL 7"
Writing sketch Of his 1ife,. m 1rishman
caueo he discovered that he was only his uncle.
-threo little boya-good little boys Of tho
Sunday-school biography aort--7woro comparing
progress in tho oatcchism. ~ have got to
t-S.H y Il 4. NS~k * 1.A-
prayity,", naid tic second; "nnt an away bo-
yonl rodemption," said tho third.
-Iraecible Old Party" Guard, why didn't you
wako me al asked you? Hore a.n, miles bc-
yond my station" Guara-"1 did try, sir, but
get tbs children their broakfant md iii bo down
in mnutcp"
Sunday Btories.--Aunt Etho1-"Dut whom
hia brethren next Baw Joseph, thoy found hin,
Alice" Vas 10 ! King, Aunt Ethel Fl Aunt
MOTT to tho king" Alice (wlo is fond Of cartisj}
twas he knave, then 2"
Awful thought Or 1t goos on much longor)
-Thoro is q Tlchbourne from which no trayolor
r1turns.
--Wlon Jaly's milkman lesrtl Of tho noise
they're making about the adulteration Of milk,
he said, "Wator fuss!"
An old negro woman Tas hoard to exclaia
"Thomas jefferson, you and james htadisot
como into tue house, and bring Abe Lincoln
along with you or I4t reach for you, Huaht''
Josh Billings HayH: II will Btn to for The In
formation OF those WHO hnvon't had q chance tt
lay III solsrt wisdom az freely az I have, that one
single 1ornet WHO fouls wall can brcak up 4holt
camp-meetng."
| "A Mr.. Dal,m runs stove and hardware store
! up at Eagio Aarbor, and tho Marquette yo"r,4a
saya: "He must have an extensive trado, for
| VIC havc heard luis name mentioned in conuoo.
| tion with all tho stoves aud stoyeplpo we eyo1
Baw put together hero or elsewhere"
| IA tandor-heartol little girl came In from the
woods and showed faco covered with mosquito
bltee:, "Why did YOU not drive them Away ?
sGo chG ihH aWhy did yo not seda Xii aDs thos y"
would not have boon right" was tue answer
he sa1nss h1vs eGSsp S9 h Yen at
tho cllild firmly, il they como into my hous'
| to ltill cthon."
made an evening cali upon young lady. Il WI
getting along toward o'clock. when tlo; youni
to deo tho fSp MGw long viii s5n
stait now yon will got home Just at o o'clock.
| He performed tho fcat on time.
| johnny attends school, which will oxp1ai1
the following short Dialogue, between him and
whipped tho other day," said ho. "Yo1a didaS't
Well, it you'd been IN my brooches you'd lay
known It,"
| -Unolo James, walking with nioce Mary, age
| 4, points to tho moon, on whose disc tho darl
| spots show quito plainly, and says: There Is
man in tho moont burning brush" The infant
ilo realst puts up her littlo noso and Bnuns, Ray
ing: Yes 'lnoll tho 'molol"
| "a good old eldor Of q church, who waB givor
to extravagant oxaggoration, was at last calle
to account for Ills oilcnscs In that respect, an
| admonished not to give WY to tho bcsetting ali
| IN future. Tho good old man received tho alnlo
milton meokly and earnestly and Aaia :" knot
hon prone am to this fault, my brothron, ami
it has given mo torturos Of pain and night afte,
night havo aled barrels Of toars over IT," I'll
/ meeting adjourned In silence.
| DANDEnRIE8.
Thursday, tho 9th, is announced a. day o
Thanksgiving DuainoaB generally will DO sua
pended, and tho Day given Up TO eontemplatin
cur blessings and throwing dico for turkeys.
"A reader In Ncto B'itain very trnthfully IN
Indignantly assertst that no woman, howeve
nervous she may be-, hss a right to wake ho
husband from sound sloep only to tell him O
his inquiring what is the matter, Nothing
only wanted to see 1t you weso awake"
"A Nice Question Of oor-Wha
kind OF chain would you like ? Young Man