The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-06-25
SCRAPS.

Waiting for something to turn
up always costs more than it
brings.
Though an honest merchant is a
plain dealer, a carpenter is a deal
palmer.
Why do honest ducks dip their
heads under water? To iquidate
their little bills.
Ladies are opposed to female
clerks' because it destroys the ro-
nance of shopping. .
How does a young lady who is
engaged find herself? Mistaken
(miss taken). .:- ~..
Wall street obituary-He died in
debt and the hopes of a financial
resurrection. .-a r.. .... ,a..
A prudent man, says witty
Frenchman, is like pin; his head
prevents him from going too far.
A WISCONSIN clergyman danced
the round dance the other day
round a tree to escape from a bear.
Dobbs thinks that instead Of Civ
ING credit to whom credit is due,
the cash had better be paid.
Fortune may favor fools, but
that's a poor reason Why you should
make a fool Of yourself. '...
Shakespeare would never have
asked, whats in an aim? If he
had been hit on the head with a
brick.
Mary had little lamb,
1t got right on its muscle,
She took the wool from off its back,
And stuffed it in her hustle.
Saws the minister, at a marriage,
to q farmer: Our joint occupations
represent the chief excellence OF
life. You u'till, l tie" (Utillty.)
When a man has trouble he takes
to drink. but when a woman meets
with a misfortune she merely goes
over to her mothers and takes tea.
At Des Moines, the other day,
three negroes got on a spree, one
took out his little jack knife, and
now there amt but three.
The driver of grocery cart who
let basket of eggs fall, says that
"truth squashed to eartn may git
up and git, but hell be darned II
eggs will"
An editor in Michigan, talking
of corn, processes to have couple
of ears fifteen inches long. His
rival says some folks are remarkable
for the length of their ears.
A Springfield boy five years of
age was knocked down by a roos-
ter a day or two ago, and had his
revenge at the dinner table the
next day.
A little boy having broken his
rockinghorse the day it was bought.
his mother began to rebnke him.
He sileuced' her by inquiring,
What's the good of a hoss till it's
broke? ...
A Danbury man was explaining
to his wife Sunday morning how
his mother used to cook pancakes,
when she interrupted him with the
batter pitcher. He is now expert
menting with a new kind of salve.
Tipkins aroused his wife from a
sound sleep the other night. saying
he had. seen ghost in the shape of
an ass. 'Oh, let me Sleep was the
reply of the irate dame, 'and don't
be frightened at your own shadow
An exchange says it is about
time. to warble thus:
The melancholy days have come
The saddest of the year
When women jaw and make soft soap,
And the old man takes his clear.
A gentleman with one leg broken
in four places, three fractured ribs,
and a hand with no two fingers
pointing in one direction, was in
Danbury, Friday, making arrange
ments for organizing a base ball
club.-DQnbuTy Ncus. ~
An Albany damsel asked one of
her fellow-boarders, a stylish dryI
goods clerk, at the breakfast fable.
:Whv is your mnstache like my
back hair p He blushingly gave it
10. The answer caused him to
blush still more: Because 1t is all
down. .a- -a =
Questions of morals for deba-
ting club - When a thief jumps
from a sccond-foor window and the
officer in pursuit takes the leap
after him, would the officer be JUS
tilted in breaking his fall by jump
ing on his prisoner?
A little boy in Georgetown ran
into the house the other dav, cry
ing at the top OF his voice because
another little boy wauldn't let him
,,nA md ON his head with a shin I