St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1873-06-20

All through the day death notices cam,
pouring i'll, and when one would reacl
Ott he would seize ii and study it mp t,
ascertain its particulars. Then he wOult
rush up stairs. lock himself in his room
take down his rhyming dictionary. ruI
his fingers through his hair, and hacl
away half an hour at piece of pape
until he considered that he had poetry
in shape which would make tn,
stricken family feel proud of the corpse
W hen his days work was done. OF
Went home with Il convention that the
Morning Glory had finally robbed deatl
of its teriorS. and made life compare
lively valueless.
In the morning Mr.. Ou proceeded
calmly to the office, for the purpose o
emhalmlmg III sympathetic verses the
memories of their departed ones. \.
he came near to the establishment. hC
observed = crowd of five OF six Thousand
people IN front of IT. struggling to get
IN at the door Climbing Il tree h
overlooked the crowd. and could set
within the office the clerks selling pa
perS ~ fast a. they could handle them
while the mob pushed and iammed. and
yelled, i'll frantic efforts to obtain copy
the presses in the cellar meanwhile
changing away like mad. Upon the
cUrl>tnne in front of him. there was 4
line that stretched down the street fol
tnur squares. each man engaged in read
ing the paper with an carncstnrsS that
Mr.. OFT had never before seen DISPLAYED
by the patrons of that sheet. The bard
concluded that either his poetry had
touched Il sympathetic chord in the
popular heart. or that an appalling
disaster had occurred in some portion
of the globe.
He went around to the back of the
office and assembled to the editorial
rooms. AS he approached the sanCtum
loud voices were heard within. Mt
OFT determined to ascertain the cause
before entering the office He obtained
IL chair. and placing it by the side door
he mounted and peeped over the door
through the tIanSum. There sat j. AL
fred lirimmrr, holding the Morning q 10
~ in both hands. while the fringe
which grew in Il scmi-ciIcle around the
edge of his bald head stood straight
out. until he seemed to resemble a
gigantic gun Swah. Two ur three per
sons stood in front of him in threaten
ing attitudes. onr of them was say
ing:
My ramc l. McGlue. >ir-Wm. Me
Glue: am brother Of the late Alex
and'r M"''lHc. picked up your paper
tins morning and perceived an out
ra%c"m> insult to my deceased relative.
and have come around to demand,
sill. What do l"u mean 10y the following
infamous lauguagc:
The death angel -ru"t" Alexander McGlue
Nra gave hIm a pr"tIHctrd rrpusc.
He wore n checked shirt and number nluc shur
And he had 81 rcd vart "u hi-
y" d""nt h' l. htPIIer dwelling IN space
OE'I there uu th' ,y"rGIvcn shore
HIS friends N" informed that hi@ funeral takes
place
Precisely At quarter past four
This i simply 'Iiah"liral, Nv late
hr"thcr had no Wart upon his nose
II" hnd upon his nose neither riul-
VAT. i.". II green wart. nor It cream
cOlOrcd wait. mon It Wart of any other
color. 1t is >landcr. 1t is Il gratuitous
Insult To my family, and distinctly
want y"U t" say what You mean by
>Ich conduct p
'Rcally. sill. said Brimmer. lit iS Il
lill~AstN' ill~ IL lllN' il'fI ll'lt W pl III
an m,rndiaiy whom trusted - Il
hi"thcr. He shall hr punished hl my
own hand fnr this "utIagc \ pink
wart Awful. NiI. INtui The mis-
cradle >,"uudIcl shall suffer fol this -
''linV could know. murmurcd ont
"ut there 10y himself. that the corpse
had not pink wart ! used t" know
It man named McGlur and he had one.
and Thought Ill tho M"t:luc~ had one.
This comes finm irregularities in fam
lies.
"And who. said another man. ''au-
rh"lizcd l"u to print this hidr"u> stun
about my deceased ~nm Do You mean
to say it WAS not with yOur authority
that lnuI low comedian inserted with
my advertisement the following scan
dal"u> hurlc~quc Listen To this:
Willie had purrI, monkey climbing on q yellow
stick
Nnd hrm he sucked tn, paint all of II ul;,l, him
dr.ithlv sick
Nud III his latest hours he cla-prd that monkey III
his hand
Mud hid .n"d-hy, L. earth and went into a better
Land.
on Ii" more hr II shoot hi- sister with his little
Aud II" m"rr h.. twist the rnssv tail and make
her V"wl fnI fun
| hc pussy tail now stands ont straight the sun
J. laid aside.
In" monkey doesn't jump around since little Willie
died
'Ihc utterly atr"ci"us character of
this hhl'rrda>h will appear when say
that William was twenty wears nld /;
thnt he never had Il purple m"nke! ON
a stick &; that he never fooled with eats.
and that he died of liver complaint"
"lnlnmouS utterly infamous ="
groamrd the editor. rs he cast his eyes
over the lines. And the wretch who
And yet" whispered OFT to himself,
''he told me t" Tighten the gloom and
to cheer the afflicted family with the
resources of my art: and | certainly
thought that the idea about the monkey
would have that effect somehow. 1t is
just then Il knock was heard at the
d"nr, and Il woman entered, crying.
Are YOU the editor? ?" she inquired
of trimmer.
Brimmcr said he was.
Nv we'll" she said, in voice broken
hv Sol,S. 'wh-what d'you mean by pub
fishing this kind of poetry ab-about my
JOHNNY My name is Sm-mith, and
when looked this morning for the notice
of Johnny's d-death III your paper,
saw this awful, wicked verse:
-Four doctors tackled Johnny smith
They blstered and they bltd him
With sIuills and anti-biluus pills
And ipecac they fed him.
They stirred him up with calOmel
And tried to move his liver:
But all i'll van-his little soul
Was waited q er the river
"It's false false , that's what it is.
johnny only had one doctor. And they
didn't try to m-m-mOve his liver. and
they didn't bleed him and b. b-blister him.
It's wicked falsehood. and you're Il
hnrl- hcnrtrn hrnte for nlintinr IL ~.