The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-10-04
VARIETY.

Senator MOrtOn's home organ calls General
Butler the % eock-eyed man of destiny
An Ex-Congressman has invested in the manu-
lacture of steel. He is said to have learned the
business in the 49th Congress.
The n. Y. Tribune says Ex-President johnson
has proved too tough for the cholera. Twice ne
was attacked by It; hut twice he vetoed it, and
was saved
contemporary, speaking of the difficulty of
= newspaper editor pleasing everybody, says
- Even if one sounded the praises of his Maker,
the devil would be offended"
What's the date Of your bustle?" was what
an anxious papa OF CObleskill asked his we'll
dressed daug ghter, after searching for the latest
copy of his paper.
Coop SUGGEsTIoN.-Since the clergy have held
prayers tor the benefit Of the press, the Chicago
Times suggests that editors unite in supplicatiOn
for the diffusion of intelligence among the clergy
traveller in Wales, near Ferryside. seeing
sign over the door with this word, ''Agoser-
qurdere,' asked the woman what she sold, when
she said that she did not sell anything, but that
.'Agues was cured here
A country paper, speaking Of a catch of fishes,
saws some Of them were " slappers." Slap
per il the comparative of the word '' whop-
per" As positive - whopper," comparative
- slapper," superlatiye - sockdolager."
The way type can be eccentric is shown by an
Iowa special rs it appeared in Chicago paper,
about the arrest Of 4 mail robber, - upon whose
person was found rifed letters and two nail
tegsI" Mail keys Of course.
We have often looked for 4 sentence that
would clearly explain itself. Western paper
kindly supplies the want in this beautiful simile
80 You might as well try TO shampoo IN eie-
phant with n thimbleiul of sOapsuds rs TO at
Tempt to do business and ignore advertising.
Grace Greenwood says that the fact is that
Ehere are too many of women And there
seems no relief for coming generations except
through the heroic remedy Of quietly putting all
female infants out of the way. Nothing could
be 50 good for us except a long and glorious sue
ces 4ion Of Herods.
Nj. John Owens, who lately died Mt jackson,
1ged ia, was in some respects = remarkable
man lie blushingly admitted that he had used
whisky since he was ten years old, and had
cbewed tobacco and smoked, more or less, for one
hundred and three years, but he never claimed
that he had seen Washington
An editor in n neighboring city has been read
iug one oS DR.. Halls - Health Tracts, in which
the doctor proves conclusively that married men
live longer than bachelors. The journalist says
he don't know how 1t is for he has been married
three times, and yet he knows bald-headed
bachelor who il twice rs old rs he Is
The Boston Advertiser says - Straws tel
the wind was southeast, about seven hundred
straws were used up In one Of our first clas'
saloons. but on another day, ut the same place
when the wind was east, only about One-tentt
that number found their way into sparkling cob
hlers.
Two drunken men Of Dubuque, Iowa, while IL
I butcher shop one Sunday recently, agreed t
cbop OF one another's heads, and the one wh'
tirst nIaced his head on the block had his ears Gu
Of and his skull fractured before the bystander
interfered with his executioner. . 1t IS great.
feared, - says the local papers, . that the wound
ed man may recover.
SHORTENING \ TELECRAN.-A gentleman too
the following telegram 10 telegraph Office =
:. Mrs. Brown, Liverpool street, announc
with grief the death of uncle James Com
,ickIy 10 read will. | believe are his helrs
TIob1 Black The clerk, having counted tn
words. said, e. There are two words too many
sir" s.An right, cut out with grief, wa
the reply
A Danbury mans order for his wiie's hat Is
.,,v.Itv IN IL way She was sick and couldn
90 foE the hat 20 he drove IN himself lie toi
Shs nHIiuer to put on n dollars worth of par
Lev 6ftv cents worth Of string beans, ten cents
worth of cherries, 4 few green currents 4 oeet
two = little cabbage, and about three slices
turnips OF, If IL was too early Tor turnps, H'
It two new potatoes instead.
Born RIGHr-The Mount Gilead (Ohio) u
-e<te SAYS. \ man who will take neWspap'
four or five years, and then refuse to pay Tor !
sheuld begin his name with an n and end 1t VIII
L q and put an IN the middle NhereupC
the Lima Democrat remarks The editor wi
viii send his paper to 4 man four or five yea
without getting his pay for it, should begin h
name with an {, and end il with IN !, and p
two o's IN the middle
A Yankee editor has just had his family rel
forced, uhereupOn he indulges in the iolloWiI
poetic outburst -
Ring out. Wild bells--and tame ones t01--
Ring Out the lovers moon
Rina onft The Iitte slips and sock-.