The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1873-09-13


;ssi How = MAs ARD Hm W ua p5r p Or 4
sais f. 2RR BE- 3 not ~, e
fntS i1ouy,f ifths = the niischiet and afl
the dust. YOU nay Sake Sdowhla store
~. ~ =! .ke care sAthe ~SS:!a, I'D I'D h:.s
yonf wife put away the pipe in q seoafe
place, and. .yetA that pipe won't come TO-
gether again as it was before. You find
this out when You are standing on a
chair with your armB full of pipe and
your mouth full OF SCOT. Your wife is
standing on the floor in position that
snaSses heT 70 s6t you, In. pipe and the
chair; and here she gives utterance' to
those remarks that are calculated to
hasten man into the extremes OF insa.
nifty. Her dress is pinned over her
waist, ind hsr hands rest on her hipe.
She has got one Of your hats on her
head. and your linen GOAT on her back,
and pair Of your rubbers ON her feet.
There is about five cents worth of pot
black on her nose, and lot of -four on
her chin, and altogether she is epecta
Gle that would inspire dead mau with
distrust. And while you are up there
trying TO circumvent the awful contra.
riness Of the pipe, and telling that yon
know some fool has been mixing it, she
stands safely on the floor and bonn.
bards you with such domestic notices
as: whats the use of swearing SOP"
You know no one has touched the
pipe" "You amt got any more pa
tience than o child" "Do be careful
OF that chair" And then she goes off.
and re.appears with an armful more of
pipe, and before you are aware of it she
has got that pipe 60 horribly mixed up
that it does seem no two pieces ore
alike. You join the ends, and work
them to and fro, and take them apart
again and look at them Then you
spread one ont and jam the other toge-
ther, and mount them onco more. Bus
it is no go. Yon begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life, aud ache
to kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience Sho goes
around with that awfulIy cxuspernting
rigging on. with length of pipe under
each arm, and n long-handled broom in
her hand. and says she don't see how it
is some people never have any trouble
y
miss the hammer. You don't SEQ
it anywhere. You stare into tho
pipe and along the mantle, and
Your wife watches you intentIy, and is
finally thoughtful enough to inquire
what you are looking after, aud on learn
ing, pulls tho article from her pocket.
Then you feel as if you. could get ont
r{o Il l,OI-
square through block OF brick build
ings, but she merely observes, "Why on
earth don't you speak whom you want
anything. and not stare around like
dummy" When that part of the pipe
which goes through the wall is up. she
keeps it up with her broom while you
are making the connection, and stares
at it with an intensity that is entirely
uncalled for. All the while your posi-
ton is becoming more and more inte-
resting The pipe don't go together, of
course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes md mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face and tickles your chin as
it drops off, and it seems as if your
arms are slowly but surely drawing out
of their sockets. Here your wife comes
to the rescue by inquiring if you are
going to be- all day doing nothing, aud
if you think her arms are made of cast
iron; and then the broom slips off the
pipe. and in her endeavor to recover her
hold she iabs you under the chin with
tho handle, aud the pipe comes down on
your head with its loud of fried SCOT,
and then the chair tilts forward enough
to discharge your feet, and you come
down on the wrong end of char
with force that would baukr' lie
driver. You don't touch stove
again. You leave your wife tAamining
the chair and bemoaning its Injuries,
and go into the kitchen and wash your
skinued and bleeding hands with yellow
soap. Then you 60 down the street
after man to do the business, and your
wife goes over to the neighbors with her
chair and tells Thea. ABOUT its injuries,
and drains the neighborhood dry Of it's
sympathy long before you get home.
Dmtsr,u N-,cS.
TIE WATEREE SwAMp A correspond
ent of the (h hNrlcst0n Ne,rs az nluirs-ut