South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-09-12
W.T. AND HUMOR.


as on a recent Sunday, when, walking down
the broad aisle after Service, she saw ,ha:
every woman ahead Of her was using her
left hand in arranging that portion of her
dress adorning her back, and before she
was aware of it found herself similarly en-
ployed.
SINCE JONES has been 10 reduced cir
cumstances he takes much pleasure in sing
ing the following version Of popular song;
While beelsteak and yenison costs lots Of cash.
BE il ever so gristly, there's nothing like hash
The serapings and lcayings Of no use elsewhere,
When mixed altogether make excellent fare.
Hash, hash, good meat hash
Belt ever so gristly, there nothing like hash
A stranger from home, hotels dazzle in vain
oh give me cheap eating house food that's
more plain;
The waiter who gayly re-echocs my call,
For nice plate Of hash or q single fsh.ball.
Hash, hash, etc.
EEA MAMMA 10 the rural districts late.
ly gave her fve-year- hopeful an outfit
of fish tackle. Soon she heard shout from
WILLIE, aud running out found one of her
best hens fast winding up the limo in her
crop, whittier the hook had preceded it
WILLIE observing the troubled look Of his
mother, quietly remarked, Don't worry,
mother. guess she will stop when she
gets to the pole
s@-ScENE IN COURT; Judgo-'Have
you anything to offer to the Court before
sentence is passed on you?' Prisouer-'No,
Judge; | had ten dollars, bu: my lawyers
took that
a LESSON IN PoLITENEss.-- friend
Of DEAN SWIFT, one day sent him a tur-
bot as present, by servant lad who had
frequently been on similar crronds, but
had never received anything for his trou-
bic. Having gained admission, he opened
the study door, and putting the fish on tue
floor, cried out rudely, Master has sent
you turbot.'
Young man. said the Dean, rising from
his easy chair, lis that tho way you dcliy-
or message? Let me teach you better
manners. Sit down in my chair We will
change places, aud will show you how to
behave in the future
The boy sat down, and the Dean going
out, came up to the door, and making "a
low bow, said, Sir master presents his
kind compliments, hopes you are well, and
requests your acceptance of small pres.
emit
Does he ? replied the boy-'roturr him
my best thanks, and there's half a crown
for yourself
The Dean thus caught il his own trap,
laughed heartily, and gave the boy a crown
for his ready wit
The teacher as well as the scholar re-
cevod lesson at that time. That boy Ger
taiDly knew enough to make his way ,hro'
tho world. The Dean was very fond Of
fun, and we have no doubt enjoyed the
boys coolnoss
B9- JOE, I've great mind to blow my
brains out why don't you p said Joe !;
nobody would ever know it,
EEA YOUNG man of Cincinnati who
had heard that Cleveland girls always re-
ply 7Yo1 bet when rendered an offer of
marriage, tried tho experiment with one Of
them, and the only answer he got was,
you get"
IL BEWARE Of too many cups The
hiccup often leads to the lock up.
Ezy EcCENrRIcIrY of dress or manner
will double attention the mistake Of vain
woman is to believe that it doubles The at
traction
E=g SEE how wonderful are the ways Of
nature in Illinois A pair of boots just costs
two loads of potatoes, and TO raise tue pc
tatoes just wears GU. two pairs Of boots.
E9 BY-rLAY FOR Going the
rounds Of the dry goods stores and BUYING
nothing
Err There must be some mistake 10 tbi.
las: extract 1t is altogether too high
compliment to be deserved by any merely
human bong
"An honest follow boro IS laid,
lis debts in full be always paid;
And what's more strange, The neighbour
tell US
Tie brought back borrowed umbrellas
sa'TnE Appropriation Claws-A pick
pockets fngors
OK Of the fr7neoier.t orr-fi,,s IS a.,