The Placer herald., 1873-01-04
THINGS WISE AND OTHERWISE.


THINGS WISE AND OTHERWISE. -''
Easy things TO make--Mistal.es.
"Captal" alTars-National Loans. M
How to make a taper vases. and it in
strong draught.
Hard times-Our paper-maker says that
trade is stationery.
Al irritable man, who was disappointed
in his boots, thrcgtend to eat up his shoe
maker, but compromised by drinkin cob
bier.
A Wiscon in minister awoke his slumber-
ing charge by vehemcntly saying, deacon
r., wake up, the best Of the sermon is to
come.
A Yankee paper says "We have
adopted the eight hours system in this Office
We commence work at eight o'clock in the
morning, aud close at eight in tie evening
Why are good women like ivy? Because
the greater the ruin the closer they cling.
Why are bad women like ivy? Because the
closer they cling the greater the ruin.
Man and wife are generally called one.
Some people though, reckon them as two.
But ten IS the proper calculation OF some
coupes-lle wife one, aud The husband a
cipher. ..s
4 widow,r, who bad never quarreed with
his wife, said The Last day of his marriage
was as b1ppy as lhe irst. Another w.dower
sad the last day Of his marriage was the
happiest.
Shell had learnt ard forgotten the ezorlum
of a speech Which began with TIE word
" necessity" This word he had repeated
three times, when Sir H. Peel bfok ill--''is
not always The mother of invention.
In some eating houses the following songs
are sung: NasL-short meater. Bologna
sausagc-long meater. Boiled pols--com-
mon meater. Porier-house sleak--parIicu-
lar meater. AT free lunches, clam cater
prevails.
A Yankee, on being told that person 10
whom he was introduced was g a self made
man, said he was glad to hear it, On be-
ng asked VIII j. he answered, "W all, | recon
1t relieves the Creator from pile OF respon-
sibity."
1t is commonly said that second thoughts
are best, and young women who pretend to
be averse 10 marriage, desire not to be taken
at their words. On asking girl if she.
would have hm-'Faifh no, john" says
she, 'but you may have me you will. +"
A Paris Street Scene.-"Delr lady,"
sad child, exposing a toy for sale, "buys
this ''What is the price?" Judge
yourself, madame have eaien nothing to-
lay" This is dramatic enough TO make
the fortune Of three English drama, Of the
period.
Guarl-"Tickets, please p RGstic-', VIII
at p Guard" Let me have your ticket,
and look sharpe Rustic" Noa, noa,
been give foive bob for moy tickut, an l.
bean a GAVIN TO give un up to you. thee
vents TO travel, why doant e buy one
youtsen p h s-
a characteristic advertisement appears III
an lrish newspaper, as follows Whereas
Patrick Maloncy has frauduently taken
away several articles Of wearing apparel with
out my knowledge, this is therefore to in
form him that if be does not forthwith return
the same, his name shall be made public"
Young Damsel claw, Mrs. humble
bone, that boy can't be right in his head p
Mrs. NJ: Bless yon, miss, lie can't be eX-
pected to De sieh His father died of dsin-
tcrums, and his mother died of chronic
sposms, and his sisler died of broken leg,
and his eldest brother died in goal. 1t runs
ia ihe family p
"'lhere's no humbug about these sar-
dimes, said Brown, as he helped himself to q
third platefnI fsom the newly-opened box;
they are the genuine article, and came all the
way from the Mediterranean "1es, re-
Piled The economical wife, ''nnd if you will
only control yoar appetite, they wilt go II
great deal furiher:" Brown did not ask for
any more
1t is told Of an old Scoch lily ihat, when
dying, Il tremendous storm Of rain and thun-
der came on, So as to shake The house. In
"A quaint, eccentric spirit, but with no thought
Of profme or light a!lusions, she looked up,
and listening 10 the storm, quietly remarked,
in reference TO her departure, ''E:h, sir
what an awfu' nicht or me tae gang hecin'
through The air =
BILLY FLORENCE says there is an abbey in
Ireland where they show two skulls of Shakes
peare, one when he was Il little boy and one
when nc was Il ma.
Conc One or two heaped teaspoonfu.s
Of common salt N cold wafer vii. sometimes
relieve repeat, if necessary. A teaspoon
tul Of tmpentine and twenty drops Of pepper
mint il also rO1, -s--