The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-11-14
GOOD THINGS.
Hop vines make paper.


organ-grinder.
A Michigan farmer has written
to Mr.. Bergh to know if folding
doors in hOg-pens will be in FASH
ion this winter.
Which is the Oldest, Miss An
tiqnity. old Aunty Diluvian, Miss
Ann Terror, Miss Ancestor, Miss
Ann L. Mundane or Miss Ann I.
Cedent?
A Georgia Cracker" was offered
four dollars per day TO labor, when
he exclaimed. Sir, dye s'pose I'd
work when I've just discovered g
fresh coon track 2"
A Watering-place correspondent
writes 'that few bathers battle al
the West End" whereupon Mrs.
Darlington says she chad an idea
that they bathed all over"
Scene in court: Judge.-"Have
you anything to offer the court be-
fore sentence is passed on you p!
Prisoner.-"No, Judge; / had ten
dollars, but my lawyers took that
"Why do you set your cup of cof-
fee on the chair, Mr.. Jones ?" said q
worthy landlady one morning al
breakfast. sit is so very weak,
madam, l thought l would let il
rest"
The Denver News gave, q short
time ago, an account of q raid OF
''three hundred clergymen" on the
frontier Carving their scalps and
plumber with them" 1t meant three
hundred Cheyennes.
The editor of the Huntsville, Mo-,
Herald pops the question in his
paper in this fashion: "There's q
certain girl in this town who can
carry our smoke-hOuse keys for
life if she'll only say the word"
We cannot be too careful how we
play with the English language
One day this week a married lady
of this city, while admiring the falls
from Warburton avenue bridge, re-
marked, "Isn't that dam nice ?"
The editor of the Parkersburg,
Ind, Express, denies that he has
committed suicide. But against
this denial, printed in a single
country paper, there are the repOI Is
of more than a dozen dailies. OF
course nobody will believe him.
A lager beer house in Hudson
county, n. j., was formely church.
The shreWd Teuton who now keeps
it was about to erase an inscription
painted over the door, but on second
thought he left the last line I'M
touched. 1t is: "Let him who is
athirst come"
Chicago wants to have the next
worlds fair held there. "In the
first place" says the Boston Post, sit
isn't at all certain that the next
world will have a fair, and in the
second place those who'd be likely
to attend will prefer q more pious
town in which to celebrate
The other day a certain tailor
sent his bill to a magazine editor.
He was startled a few hours after
ward by it's being returned, with a
note appended saying: "Your
manuscript is respectfully de-
clined."
'sIf there is any body under the
canister of heaven that have in
utter excrescence," says Mrs.
Darlington, sit is the slanderer
going about like a boy construc-
ter circulating his calomel upon
honest folks"
For the benefit of the Senate
TRANSPORTATION committee the Gin
cinnati Commercial republishes this
advertisement from a paper of fifty
years ago: GA wagon will star for
New York city In about two weeks.
Five passengers will be accommo
dated at $25 each. Apply at the
store of Ashworth s. Smith, corner
Walnut and Fifth streets. August
IA, 1928"
A mournful story is told by a
Maine editor: "The winds of Au
tumn will soon whistle shrilly;
the goose flies southwark; the air
speaks of snow and ice; every.
thing betokens that in few weeks
more the Fall season will have
ended, and the circuses and snake
shows will be no more"'
A colored philosopher thus un-
burdened himself one of women'i
weaknesses " Jim, de men DOM
make such fools of themselves about
women as de women do about men
If women looks at de moon, dey
see q man in it. If dey hear 4
mouse nibbling, it's man and dey
all look under the bed de fust thing
at night to find q man. Why,
nebber look under my bed to find q
woman does you? 2"
Mr.. James NJ. Hurd of our city
gives us the following epitaphs
which he copied personly from
tomb-stones in the cemetery il
Birmingham, n. ":
sGo holme my friends's
Dry up your tears.
For must lie here
Till Christ appear"
Is Sally Thomas is here and that's enough
The candle is out, also the snuf,
| Her souls with God, you need not fear
And what remains is inferred here.'
Andrew Jackson was once ma
king q stump speech in a countr,
village out West. just as he wa
concluding Amos Kendall, who ga
beside him, whispered, Tip 'em
little Latin, General they won't b
satisfied without it." The ''hero O
New Orleans, instantly thought o
a few phrases he knew, and in
voice of thunder, wound up hi
speech by exclaiming: "E pluribu
unum, Sine qua no, Ne plus ultra
Multum in parvo." The effect wa
tremendous, and the shouts coul
be heard for miles.
How LONE PINE Was "RUN" b
GEORGE WATsoN.-Lone Pine is
town in California. It can't
much of q town, but appears to b
too large for one man to run i
George Watson had to leave
months ago on account of som
numbering he had done there. FL
made 3 tour of the minds under an
other name and came back to Ion
Pine with reinforced opinion c
. his ability to stay there, and som
money in his pockets-the fruit c
his wandering and theiving opera
, tions among the miners. He wa
in the habit of killing or robbiug
man whenever he took 8 fancy {
: such amusement, and having bee
quite successful in these enterprise
he came back to Lone Pine wit
arms and ammunition and announs
ed his intention to "run the town.
His first act of government was
. beat and nearly kill an inofensiy
, English-speaking Indian because b
was an Indian. The same evenins
; pistol in hand, he turued all the o.
cupaDts out of q saloon, and, stand
ing in the door announced that b
was able to whip any man in th
crowd, and that if some one di
not take him mp and fight him il
stantly he would be under the NJ
!, cessi:y Of shooting somebody. Jul
then he got q gunshot w0un