Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1873-11-01
His First Paper Collar.

The Danbury NeWs man says: we
remember with unpleasant distinetness
the first paper collar we ever wore.
1t was at a surprise party. A half hour
after the event OF ourself and the other
surprisers we were located in the parlor
on a mohair chair. And they were very
fresh and vigorous mohairs, too. 1t
was our intention to have got IN cor.
ner, but we missed the aim, and got
located within eighteen inches OF the
stove. 1t was large stove, with COM
plicated mass OF perpendicular sheet
iron pipes, like an organ, only it was
warmer than an organ. The stove set
out from the wa ], and our location gave
us prominence that would have been
very grateful he'd. we been back Of a
store looking for lemons, but being a
diffident person, and having a strong
desire to crawl under the carpet, and be
out of sight, the prominence put a
blight on our spirits that we found i'm
possible to shake of. 1t was quite cold
out doors, but the room being full of
people, and some thoughtful person
having closed the door, the tempera-
ture commenced to density with extra
ordinary rapidity. All of the party sat
around the sides of the room, and in
such way as to take in the stove and
ourself. A dreadful silence sat upon
all, disturbed only occasionally by a
brief whisper of one friend to another,
which undoubtedly referred to our
proximity to the stove, and the weird
sOlemnity of our expression, which we
desperately but vainly strove to remedy:
We essayed once or twice to look into
the faces of the company, but thought
better of it, and picking out place in
tho wall where the paper had been torn
off, fell to studying it with all-absorb.
ing interest. The perspiration stood
out on our forehead in great drops, and
having stood there until they got tired
the drops silently rolled down our face
We would have got out handkerchief
but we cherished the hope that some
one in the party was not looking at us
and dreaded to make any movement fol
fear of attracting his attention. The1
the bergamot and sweet oil with which
we had generously fed our locks, will
view to Intoxicating the senses of tn
females in attendance, commenced t.
ooze forth, and start down the back o
our neck for fresh pastures.
1t was at this juncture, the heat o
the stove having become almost rtnbear
able, that the lady OF the house inquil
ed if the stove was not too warm for tn
gentleman. 1t was our purpose to pre-
test that we never before were so CON
, fortably situated, but the roof of on
l mouth having dried and cracked opeI
4 the words must have got lost in tn
. crevices. But we smiled--such smile
, perhaps, as a sick man would exchang
t with an undertaken, who had called i
S to inquire after his health. Tt was {
: this point we became conscious of OF
= paper collar. 1t was pressing againf
the back of our neck with the ardor {
n mustard draft, and one end had broB
from the button and was soaring mi
i iestically heavenward. We could fe
it crumble and fall down ON both side
J, and every time we put our hand u
n which we began to do quite often c
y account of the cold thrill it gave us, v
o found it spotted with the vitality
l. that collar. The other people cor
1t menced to whisper, and look up at Il
1t ceiling, and put their handkerchiefs
n their mouths. We thought of killiI
'e every one of them on the spot, al
d hiding their bleeding remains in Il
D cellar; but we lacked the coolne
% necessary for such en- undertaking, (
IS account Of that internal stove, and
y gave it up, and kept on smiling
% show our calmness. Suddenly, VIII
4. in the midst of what was probably
e, most maniacal leer, the collar parted
" the back, and one side dropped doy
8. to floor, and the other swung around
lg the front. A shrek of laughter bur
ie from the company, and we bolt
lie home. Seeing the advertisement of t
y. Danbury paper collar, manufactured
10 Brainard, Davy q Co., of Boston, ]
as minded us of our first paper collar.