The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1873-10-16
MARTYR TO SCIENCE.

If hadn't got married ii wouldn't have
happened. For, you see, my wife had a
brother, who became my brother-in-Iaw /;
and through him came my many tribua.
tions. Jim was an inventive genius,
hardly ont of the cradle before be invent
ed patent self-rocking crib, with churn-
ing attachment. lie was an enthusiastic
fellow, and worried as many as five dogs
Of the neighborhood into an Gntimely
grave, attaching them TO wedding ma
chimes, and bug-mashers, the lawn-water-
ers, and such like. When he was ten he
made a double-inerement momentum
yelocipede with one wheel, like drum
and having got inside and wound ii up it
rushed through tho street like a thunder
gust trying to catch the mail-apple-wo-
men went heels over head, the air was
filled with eantelopes and garden-truck
generaly--and still Jim rolled on. lie
hadn't any stopping apparatus; and,
after jumping a tiye-rail fence and racing
through pasture, he just pumped into
the river and had to swim ashore. But
none of his steam pianos and fire balloons
and flying machines hurt me any. They
all went up or down or out before Jim's
father died, and be came to live with us
Hiac aiae tachrymae. When trouble
begun.
Jim brought with him his laboratory
and workbench and all the implements
of wrath that brought desolation upon q
peaceful household, and forced me tc
seek refuge in foreign land--so tc
speak.
Jim's first day passed quietly; but on
the second he brought out a double back.
action pea-sheller, that looked like q
young clothes wriDger with tin hustle
Maria--thats my wife--tried it, and il
mashed the peas all up and threw them
into her best currant jelly, just making
and then, when she tried to take il of,
she knocked the head Off the tack.ham.
mer, and It hit Bridget in the head, caus.
ing her to sit down in q tray Of bread
dough and spill tureen Of soup on the
baby. Poor John Augustus has beer
barelooted on the left side OF his head
ever since then, and the cat got SO scared
that she ran through the house aud upset
n bottle Of ink on my manuscript on the
! Origin, Rise and Fall of the Custom oI
Blowing the Nose with the Fingers
Then Jim got up a wringing machine
that tied my shirts into a double bow
knot, and mashed all the buttons into
! fragments. lie Dut fertilizer on Maria,
best verbenas, and they all just curled NJ
aud died. lie undertook to rid my set
Ter dog Of feas, but he rid the feas Of the
! dog, lie got up a patent yertical-actinl
/ garden gate; aud as Bridget and her beau
were cooling over it, and be reached over
to say goodbye, it raised up and hoistct
/ him up about four feet, aud waved hin
round and neighbor Tomkin's beef-hounC
came along aud took a steak out Of BIZ
best leg.
. He got up q wedding machine tha
chopped of all the asters; aud put bug
killer on the rose bushes, and turnet
them al yellow and blue in blotcbes
lie attached an upward fced-pump TO th'
kitchen range, and that filed our tanI
aud made II run over, and then WORKED
backwards and put the fire out.
One morning we couldn't get the shut
lers open, because jim 5ad attached
new-fangled shutter catch that wedge
the whole frame iu tighter than Ia
DEVILS grip OF a dead haekman. Whe
/ went away on business, Jim protectet
tie house with burglar alarm that wok
everybody up 1T one 10 the morning wit
a gong-ringiug that lasted an hour-an'
all on account Of our Thomas cat comm
ia late from e0urtlng. Ny business rs
qairug me to get up early sometimes an
catch trains at au unesrthly hour, an
my habit being that Of a heavy sleeper
Jim got up IN alarm bedstead that was {
wake Fne mp at a certain hour, and II
/. didn't rise up In my wax works aud sto
. il, Il would pitch me ont Of bed. I'll
! fret time ! tried il il worked very wei
, aad reused me a. three O'Clock iror
. dreams oftrying 70 cram a busheI of gol
into Tie lining of my hat But at f0u
q tEbuIaaon came The sound Of = whiz
. ing wheel woke up Maria, who remeu
, berea lhc intelligent e1ntrlyaace, al