The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1873-12-25

Beech.
Why is an old coat like an iron ket-
tle-Because it represents hard ware.
-Gentlemen's collars appear to be in
creasing IN size, to keep pace with the
ruties Of the ladies.
An Indianapolis firm advertises edo
meStic pacifers" for sale. They are pat
emit spring mattresses.
"A mar in Griffin. Ga, was bitten by
a snake ~ years ago, and is still drinking
whisky to cure it. - ~
"A sour old bachelor, who once had
thoughts of matrimony, said he changed
his mind when he found that the girl and
her people were against it.
1t IS said that the Nebraska Indiana
are allowed to ride free on all trains they
can jump on while the latter is in motion.
The tribe is being reduced very rapidly.
"A "Big Indian" > straved away from
his camp and got lost. Inquiring the way
back he was asked, Indian lost p "No,"
said he; disdainfully, Indian no lost; wig
wan los" striking his breast; Indian
here.
An Irish gentleman of a mechanical
turn Of mind took off his gas metre to re-
pair it himself, and pat it on again upside
down. At the end ofthe quarter 1t was
proven with arithmetical correction that
the gas company owed him SIS 81.
"A sailor who had lost his leg in the
service was made a captain for his gallan-
try. Afferward in an action a cannon
ball hit his wooden supporter so that he
fell upon the deck. The seamen at once
shouted for a surgeon. No, no. said the
captain. no surgeon. no Surgeons ear
penter, a carpenter
"A good story is told of a certain actor
whose part it vas to represent the inferior
parsonage in the drama, such as msssen-
gers, service men, etc. gOne night q GER
tain tragedian beng engaged, the poor
actor, enacting the character Of a seryent,
had to repeat these words: my lord, the
coach is waiting" This was all he had to
say, but turning to the gallery part Of the
audience, with a stentor4an voice. "And
permit me further to observe, hat a man
who raises acknowledgement q woman, save
in the way Of kindness, Is unworthy the
name Of Briten' Shouts of applause fol-
lowed. After the play, on beng remon-
strated with by the great tragedian for
his innovation, he replied. 81 regret to
have annoyed you; but it's my benefit
next week, and1 must make myself pop
ular with the audience"
HORRIBLE PRoEAEITY.-Eh Perkins.
III the ~. l. 0JLpStC give CS1bhlu weak
points in society agood many hard rubs.
The following is exaggerated, perhaps,
but points q moral, nevertheless =
A Young lady who attends Madame
Meefs's school came home to her mother,
on Madison avenue, recently, and said
that she Sdidn't like to go to school any
more, for-for-"
"For what, Jenny 2" asked her mother.
"Why, because some of the girls swear,
ma" a
Swear, Jane Good Lord, what do
you meanY
-Imeanl they use bad words. ma, IL
Good Heavens child run and tell
your grandma to come here. 4
[Entsr Grandmother Z 81
What Is ii, Marion ~ asked grandma,
looking oyer her glasses ~ -sl1 g
"Whyl goodness, gracious, mother, what
do you Think? Way Jenny says the
girls swear, they
Lord 9. mercy Marie=l Heaven only
knows what wen come to next. Lord
knows we've been too precious careful of
our children to have 'em ruined BY such
Internal deyilishness.S
az wish to Heaven-but here, Jenny,
Catching hold of the child tell me, now,
what do those girls say 2"
"Wky, Lizzie Mason talks about Mad!
anne LeYeret, and Hlzzie smith shed rath-
er ride up 70 see McComb's dam than to
bAVea front seat at the For-dam races"
eGood Lord, Jenny how you startle
me r.