The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-07-24
: All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

All Sorts of Paragraphs.
-Turpentine soap laid away in your drawer
will keep moths away from your clothes.
Tomorrow is the day on which idle men
work, and fools reform.
The greatest curse in the world is the
man who always knows; for such an one never
thinks.
What is the difference between jailor
and jeweler? One watches cells, and the
other sells watches
A Savannah editor says no man who has
paid regularly for his newspaper was ever bit
by mad dog:
= Somebody gives this definition of no.
where: aA:place where no Yankee has ever
been, never will be-"
"A Pittsburg coroner takes no charge when
he sits on a young man who parted his hair in
the middle. He says that his personal salts
faction is enough without the fee.
- You can forbid man from stepping on
your land and recover damages if he disobeys,
and you can shoot him if he breaks into your
barn; but if his COW does either, or both, You
must keep quiet.
--"I thought you were born on the LIST of
April" said husbands to his lovely wife, who
had mentioned the ,21st as her birthday
"Most people would think so, from the choice
I made of husband" }" she replied.
= Curran's ruling passion was his Jokes. In
his last illness, his physician observing in the
morning that he seemed to cough with more
difficulty, he answered, .'That's rather sur
prising, as have been practicing all night"
- A young man in Peoria sought to secure
his sweetheart by strategy; so he took her out
for a,boat ride, and threatened to jump over
board into the lake if she wouldn't marry him.
1t did not work. She offered to bet him dol
lar that he daren't dive in.
- asWhy do they call the people who live
in some of the South Sea Islands cannibals 2"
asked an old man. of sailor. Because they
live on other people," answered the sailor.
"Ihen," said the old man, pensively, my sons-
in-law must be cannibals, for they live on
me-"
their conversation forcible enough without
|interlarding it with oaths. To one of these
individuals, Sidney Smith once quietly remark
ed, "Let us assume that everybody and every
thing are damned, and proceed with the sub
ject"
-,"Unless yougiye me aid" said beggar
to benevolent lady, ~ am afraid I shall have
to resort to something which greatly dislike
to du.n The lady handed him dollar, and
compassio asked, aWhat is it, poor man,
that I have saved you from?" "Work," was.
| the mournful answer.
- Newspapers and ice are the cheapest lux
uries within the.reach of the people. For five
cents one can drink ice water al tiay long and
for five cents he can be thoroughly posted on
everything going on at home and over the en-
tire outside world. But there is a difference,
fand it is, simply that o man may drink too
newspapers.
And now we have some good news for the
bald-headed. We recently promulgated the
doctrine, of a Washington physician that bald
headed men were short lived. 1t gives US
pleasure to state inrefutation of that gloomy
theory, that learned New York M. ID. says
that bald-headed men are rarely or never.
drupkards, and that, moreover, a bald-headed
mar is seldom found in lunatic asylum.
The Lancaster Mtelsgencer says of the
political prospects in Ohio: "There is strong
probability that the protests of the Democratic
Journals of the country will be needed, and
that Judge Thurman will not be made the can
didate for Governor this fall. He is needed in
| the United States Senate, as the ablest man
there, and there is good hope that he may be
Joined and seconded by that other brilliant and
honest ex-senator, Gov. Hendricks, Of Indi-
ana:n ~ ~ #
= An unscrupulous lawyer, when on q min
ing excursion was descending deep shaft by
means of a rope, which he held tight in his
hand. He called out to q clergyman, who
stood at the top: Doctor, as you have not con-
fined your studies to geography, but know all
things from the surface to the centre, pray
how far is it from this to- the bottomless pit in
the internal regions?" IT cannot exactly as
certain the distance replied the divine, "but
let 60 your hold and you will soon know"
AN old school-teacher in Maine has been
presenting her claims for back pay. She says
that years ago she taught school for three
dollars week, and boarded herself and that
some of her scholars, who we're hard cases, and
difficult to bring into decent discipline, are
now smart, enterprising, and prosperous citi-
zens, while she, who aided them effeetuaily in
becoming such,, is comparatively poor. The
old lady seems to have g. better case than the
Congressman.
Gen. William o. Butler, of Mexican war
celebrity, who has lived in Carrollton, KY, for
seventy-six years, has two brothers, one eighty
four and the other eighty, and also cousin
who is ninety years of age, al! residing IN the
same town. In 1S48; and while in Mexico,
the General was nominated as Vice President
on the ticket with Gen. Cass. He has since
been remaining quietly at his home in Carroll
ton, and, although in his eighty-third year,
never walks less than six miles day for exer-
cise