The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-11-28
SHARP sCIssORlSss

Fl A mantle shelf "a girls shoul
e ders.
Il BARRIERS go from poll 70 poll,
. and must be great travellers.
Some prisons have wings-some
prisoners would like to have.
Hint to mothers-Treat your
; baby kindly, but not cordially.
The most likely thing to be.
come q woman-why q little girl.
Il What fowl is most like q car
rage in Japanf-A Coach-in-
China.
How to make kot-bed-go to
sleep with lighted cigar in your
, mouth.
The best person-indeed, the
only person-to fill q vacuum, is a
dentist.
i A volume that viii bring the
tears to your eyes-a volume of
smoke.
Eating sausages and buying
eggs are described as confidence
operations"
| TO the mint authorities.-If
money makes money, is it liable
to be indicted?
| The young lady whose settings
were "al1 worked up" has ordered
. fresh supply.
Anewspaper advertisement calls
for a plain cook able TO dress lit
tie boy five years old.
A good natured spinster boasts
that she always has two reliable
beaus at hand-elbows.
What is the easiest way for a
bad rider to show himself off,
To get on spirited horse.
If a man cannot learn by exDe-
rience, why is he like a laurelY
Because he is an evergreen.
Things that will never hurt by
falling-prices; they fall SO slow
they will never get smashed.
Surprising a man to be in a ser
ious frame of mind. is it necessary
he should be picture of despair
There is a boy in Salem SO
bright that his mother has to- look
at him through piece of smoked |
glass.
"1f I am stuck up, I'm not
proud" as the butterfly said when |
pinned to the side of the show
case.
The difference between q sick |
girl and brickbat is the differ
ence between a missile and a |
miss ill.
Gardeners might not like to |
part with their gardens, though |
they are always ready to fork over |
their grounds.
The customs receipts "tor the |
week ending November 8, were at |
New York 81, 436, S43, Philadelphia |
$11s,964, Boston $2s, $40, and Boil
timore $136,457.
An eccentric clergyman lately |
said, in one of his sermons, that |
''about the commonest proof we
have that a man is made of clay
is the brick so often found in his |
hat"
A correspondent wishing to |
know the proper posture in PRAYER.
the Christian at work pithily re-
plies that he will not go far away |
if he only guard against imposture |
in prayer.
The bale of Gotten resold at
New York on tuesday, for the ben
eft Of the Memphis sufferers, will |
be shipped by the buyers to Liver
pool, and there sold again for the
same object.
We venture to suggest a simple |
plan for the reformation of the |
habitual tippler, without depriv-
ing him of his liberty; let him,
whene'er he takes his walks |
abroad, be conspicuously labeled,
''to be kept dry"
A dispatch from Victoria, Van
couver's Island, says vessel has
arrived there from Sitka with news |
of the recent discovery of new
mines in the Cassian county. She
brought twelve miners, who have |
$4,000 in gold dust.
John A Brown, captain of the
ship John Horvey, has been
lodged in Ludlow street Jail, New
York, to await an investigation on
charges of brutality preferred by |
five seamen, committed during the |
voyage from New York tol
Cronstadt.
An exchange has an acquaint-
ance who remarks that he has Of |
ten heard the proverb, .a friend
in need is 3 FREUD indeed" bat he
says he can't see where the laugh
comes in. He has a friend in
need who is always borrowing
money of him.
A Nc Keesport man lost his
coupon ticket for the Conn ellsville
Railway nearly q year ago. Last
week he found it in his Holy Bible.
He has thought it necessary to
publish a card in the newspapers
stating that sit wasn't his other
Bible.
The Royal Academy has decided
TO pay q marked tribute to the
memory OF the great artist, Land
seer. At the coming winter exhibit
ton of old masters, space will be
set apart for the works of the great
animal painter, and those who
possess examples of his art will
be invited to contribute to the col
lection.
A Texas editor. whose midnight
oil must have failed him just as he
was going to press, prints the fol-
lowing energetic opinion: 1.-THE
man who would water petroleum
and sell it, would sneak into the
palace Of the king of kings and
steal the gliding from the wings Of
angels" The sufferer could hardly
have been more vigorous in his de-
nunciation If he had caught some
body watering his whisky.
The South Carolina Railroad
shops in Charleston, having just
completed several first-cIass To-
tcomotiyes, and advertised their in
tention OF competing in that kind
OF work with the northern manu-
facturers, ST. Louis now wants to
49,. IL