The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-05-15
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.
The latest version-the Modoc evening
song, "Put me in my Lava Bed"
- New reading of an old proverb-Man
proposes, and woman seldom refuses.
= A Jew gets his law from the prophets;
an attorney gets his profits from the law.
lit is said to be sure sign of an early
spring to see cat watching small hole ia the
wall.
- Education never makes a fool wise. 1t
only furnishes him with more modes in which
to exhibit his folly.
"A Kansas paper describes a man as being
"as sociahle as batch of candidates two
weeks before election"
= Raspsr being told he looked seedy, and
asked .whas business he was in, replied: .'The
hardwear business; look at my wardrobe"
= The tonnets that are to be worn during
the coming season are wonderfully and fear.
fully made, They are not bonnets, but merely
round hats with strings.
White alapaca dresses trimmed with black
velvet VIII be very much worn this summer.
In Paris. white alapaca has become one of the
most fashionable materials.
"A Dubuque testator formally gave, de-
vised, and bequeathed his wearing apparel to
his wife. for the reason that she had been ac-
s
I When young man or young woman
first breaks out into verse it is almost invaria-
bly, to express a longing for an early grave,
and desirs to be buried anywhere except In a
graveyard.
= The Providence Journal is elaborately
discussing the conundrum Of q correspondent
as to whether q boy ,shovelling with his right
hand next to the blade of the shovel, was right
or left handed.
"A Canadian editor announced that che
had keen rapier to prick all fools and knaves."
His cotemporary over the way said he hoped
his friends would take it from him, for he might
commit suicide.
= Strawberry beds must be kept free from
runners, ii you desire fruit rather than an
increase Of plants. It is better to cut than to
pull them of. Mulch and water the plants, II
q long bea.ing season be desired.
"A young lady, in some "Advice to Young
Men, tells them that when they call upon a
young ladrin the evening they should not stay
later than ten o'clock-from which We infer
that the right young man has never called upon
her.
= -Gfeat loss is incurred on many farms by
using poor Implements and tools The higher
wages are the more important it is to econo-
nize- labor A good plow, as compared with
poor. one will more than pay for itself in
weeks work. e. ~ f4
+ = An icIer boasted to a farmer of his an
icient family, laying much stress upon his
having descended from an illustrious man who
lived several generations ago. $50 much the
worse for you, replied the farmer, 'for we
invariably find the older the seed. the poorer
the CROP F
An old woman accosted two gentlemen in
Quincy m arket, Boston, one day, with the
following negative inquiry: Gentlemen, you
haiu't none on you seen nothing OF no snuff
box nowhere round here no time to-day, with
no snuff in it, hain't yer" They said, eyes,
they hadn't neither.
} "A Nsfth Carolina doctor, recently .des
ceased, betlueathed to another physician, who
was his intimate friend, his skeleton, to be set
up where it would most frequently remind the
liying.o the dead, and do some good in furth-
ering the cause of science. The bequest was
declined, and the body was buried entire.
"A 1aly in Fairfield, Mass, discovered
that, her. daughter was about to elope. She
didn't make any fuss about it, but the night on
which the elopement was to take place, gave
her daughter an opiate in her tea, so that the
girl did no. wake up till next morning. Mean
while the lover had grown tired of waiting,
and left in disgust.
An American judge once intervened in an
odd way to prevent waste of words. He was
sitting in chambers, and seeing from the piles
of papers in the lawyers hands that the first
case was likely to be hardly contested, he asked,
s"What is the amount in question 2" 1.-TWO
dollars" s:sid the plaintiffs counsel. "I'll pay
it." said the judge, handing over the money
"call the next case"
1t is significant fact that ninety mine out
of every ore hundred mechanics in the large
cities or the United States are foreigners, whose
earnings now average from four to five dollars
per day, while any quantity of "gentlemanly"
young American men, the product of business
colleges and high schools, can be got to keep
books or do any kind of genteel writing from
six to ten dollars per week.
There is q mystery about an official posi-
ton which is hard for an honest and confding
man to fathom. A Baltimore paper tells of a
man in thnt city who has held an Office for half
dozen wears with salary of less than $4,000
wear. and in that time has accumulated for
tune over 100000. How this thing is done
is thing that we, being honest and trustful
by nature, cannot understand.
An Indiana pedagogue going to school on
cold morning, lately, found himself locked
out by a number of scholars who were inside.
He got ladder, ascended the root, and laid a
board over the top of the chimney. to smoke
them out. They took away his ladder and left
ears and fingers and agreed to yield to their
commands. Then they let him down. School
discipline is imperfect out that way.
"A Michigan newspaper thus closes an ar
ticle, attempting to depict some of the present
attractions of its locality: 'Thus, through
varied phases and modifying influences, drain
age, has wrought this miracle of change, reduc-
ing slowly, grsndly, to present limits this sea
of waters that once disported themselves with
tidal flow and storm, and sounding surge, and
ceaseless thunder of unequaled cataract and
song, adown the lapse of time, with narrowing
sweep their anthem, to Its lost cadence long,
lingering, and sublime"
"A man failed in Portsmouth, N. H., some
thirty years ago. He settled with his creditors
for sixty cents on dollar, and went of, an
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