The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-05-16
scrssoRrNas.


IF you are fashionable nova. days,
you die of embolism.
The mountain is apt to overshadow
the hill, but the hill is reality.
The penalty of using postage
stamp the second time is fifty dollars.
Some men are so absorbed in re-
ligion that they forget to pay their
debts.
An Allentown storekeeper, who
does his own printing, has "Cider
Vinegar fer sale.
It took twenty-five years of agita-
ton to abolish the franking abuse.
It died in its SD year.
The cold in Minnesota has caused a
shrinkage of one column each in two
st. Paul papers.
Satan is the first tramp mentioned
in history; he went to and fro on the
earth looking for job.
He who reads no newspapers of
any kind is only spared of heaven
that he may sit on a jury.
A popular parlor magazine-a big
kerosene lamp. They furnish read
ing matter for the million.
Louisville has great expectations
of q literary club just started with
forty-fve dime novels for library.
Mrs. Partington says she never had
the small-pox-not she. She was
inoeulated years ago by an occulist.
They had a typographical hop at
La Crosse the other night. A drunk
en- printer hoped out of a four-story
window.
An exemplary but impecurious
church goer in Houston, Texas, re-
Gently put his revolver in the plate
for the missionaries.
A Western paper boasts Of "thin-
edged reporter who squeezes into
secret meetings and then exposes
their disgraeeful proceedings.
A Western journal offers this in
ducement: ''All subscribers paying
in advance will be entitled to a first
class obituary notice in case of death.
4 Chicago paper says that it is
wonderful how quick the blind beg
cars of that city can tell the differ
ence between ten cents and quar-
ter.
A little girl asked her sister what
was chaos, that her papa read about?
The elder replied, 1T was a great
pile of nothing, and no place to put
it in
Upon the marriage of Miss Wheat,
of Virginia, an editor hopes that her
path may be fowery, and that she
may never be thrashed By her hus-
band.
A reporter of the Poughkeepsie
Edqle, interviewed a winter meDagerie
and left most OF his trowsers against
the bars of the cage occupied by a
hyena.
A woman is said to have come to
town at Springfield. ILL.,, the other
day, to buy lower jaw for her son,
who had been blowing down gun
barrel.
It is edifying to note that Trinity
Church Chimes played Captain
jerks as one of the melodies with
which to assist the old year out aud
the new year in.
A certain little damsel having been
aggravated beyond endurance by her
brother, pumped down upon her
knees and cried, "Oh Lord bless my
brother Tom. He lies, he steals. he
swears; all boys do; us girls don't.
Amen.
In a discussion among company
of children as to the number of dog
days in a year, one little child ex-
claimed: ''It's no use trying to find
out how many there are, for every
dog has his day"
A Pittsburgh man lately turned
his back on the perils he had courted.
and endeayored to escape by writing
letter to his betrothed in another
name, stating that he had been kill
ed by a railroad accident.
a child of the world, no doubt
wise in her generation, says: 81
never dress much for the play, be-
cause evey one is looking at the
stage; but no one is more particular
about her dress at church.
George: "There, Aunt Mary!-
What do you think of that? I drew
the horse, and Ethel drew the jock
ey." Aunt Mary; "H'nl but wha
would mamma say to your drawing
Jockeys on Sundayf" George
ssAhi but look here we've drawn
him riding to church, you know"
An English vicar was standing, OF
on Monday morning, at his gate
when one of his parishioners arrived
with basket of potatoes. "What'l
this?" said the vicar. "Please, sir
replied the man, ''Its some of oul
best taturs, very rare kind, sir
BY wife said you must have some O
them, because you said in your ser
mon the common taturs (commenta
tors) didn't agree with you"
When old Squire Crane was frs
elevated to the dignity of Justice o
the Peace, down in Southwestern
Missouri, he knew less of laws an6
legal forms than he did abou
killing CHARS" It was my fortun,
to be a witness of the first marriage
ceremony the old fellow ever under
took. The young couple stood VI
in the Squire's Office, and the bapp.
bridegroom desired the functionar,