Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-02-20
BREVITIEs.
Bus CONDUCTORs-Lips.

Bus CoNDUCTORs-Lips.
A SYRACUSE girl snored so loud at the
opera that the man at the bass viol was
discharged for saving too heavy at the
gutteral chord.
A NEW YORK street-car conductor, who
said eyes, madam" to lady, has been
presented with a new overcoat, and they
talk of statue of him.
The st. Louis Democrat laments because
| OF the prevalence of the idea that it is
more genteel to sell shoes for $40 a week
than to made them for $25.
| IF you want to know how to get rid of
cold, ask singer. Those people have
more colds and get rid of them more
easily than any other class living.
| CAMPEoR OINTMENT.-One ounce of
| spermaceti; ounce white wax; = ounce
camphor gum; ounces lard; melt over
a slow fire. Add the camphor gum after
the other has dissolved.
To GLAZE SHIRTs.-To every quart of
made starch add a teaspoonful of starch
| and one of white soap, scraped fine Boil
the starch, after adding hot water, until
you have it as thick as you wish.
The latest funny blunder occurs in a
New York evening paper, in which the
sentence Muscles can be educated as we'll
as the intellect" appears, "Mules can be
educated as well as the intellect
COZ all the reverses experienced by
me" said a penurious Crpsus, dwelling
in a fashionable avenue, "the only one
that gave me satisfaction was my discov-
cry that l could reverse paper shirt col
lars"
A WRITER in the Household advises la
dies who have furs to cleanse, to take
nice Indian meal in large pan and rub
them with it-using 10 water, nothing
but dry meal, and they will look as good
as new
A WOMAN at Omaha dreamed that a
man would come along and sell her some
pills which would cure her dyspepsia.
Sure enough he came, and she bought the
pills, took two, and was as cold as a ham
mer when her husband came home.
WHEN a Kansas City girl, who was
clerk in a candy store, learned that she
had fallen heir to 800, 900 in England,
she refused to attend customers, and
perched herself on the counter and
chewed gum-drops the rest of the day.
A WORTHY old lady in an Eastern
town recently refused the gift of load of
wood from tree which had been struck
by lightning, through fear that some of
the ''tluid" might remain in the wood,
and cause disaster to her kitchen stove
A GENTLEMAN at Lancaster, Pa, it is
said, has horse that takes his children to
school IN the morning, returning home
driverless, and at night returns for them
in the same way, rubbing his nose against
the window pane to indicate his presence.
A DANBURY youth who could not sing
or play, wanting to serenade his girl,
whistled for half hour under her win
dow, the other evening, and when he got
over the fence he found about seventy
five dogs waiting to see what he wanted.
A MAN in Leeds, Eng, was to play
''Santa Claus" for the enjoyment of the
children; but he made a mistake in the
chimney, and when they pulled him out
of the fire he concluded it was wrong to
deceive the children, and refused to try
it again.
ONE of the most accomplished English
art writers of the day states that he has
found the American people much more
receptive Of art ideas than those of En-
gland, and that he consequently has great
hope for the future of the fine arts in
America.
THERE is a little railroad at Bayou
Sara, La, that runs to Woodville on a
very inaccurate schedule. A stranger
came in the other day and inquired how
often the steam-car made trips to the
country. The party Intercepted said ::
''Tri-weekly." ''What do you mean by
tri-weekly ?" The answer was, cit goes
up one week and tries to come down the
next
WHITE paper of any kind may be rem
dered temporarily transparent by moist
ening it with benZine, in which condition
| it may be used as a tracing paper. After
a time the benZine will eVaporate and the
original opacity of the paper will be re-
stored to it. IN this way design can be
transferred to any part OF sheet of
paper without the necessity of employing
regular tracing paper for the purpose.
A BENNINGTON (Vt) lad, named Gage,
who is under articles of apprenticeship,
wanted to go to his home at Syracuse,
and got up bogus telegram announcing
the death of his father. This worked
very well, and he got his vacation; but
the old gentleman happened to be well
known in the village, so the local paper
unkindly published an obituary notice.
The boy has returned to his work, but he
won't send any more kilograms.
PROJECTING ZINC AGAINST ACID.-Tne
action of diluted sulphuric acid upon zinc,
resulting in the production of bubbles of
hydrogen, can, it is said, be Immediately
stopped by introducing a small quantity
of ETHEREAL oil, such as lavender, turpen-
tine, etc. The evolution of hydrogen
begins again, however, if certain guam
tity of alcohol is added to the liquids.
The action of the oil, consists, probably,
in forming thin protecting film upon
the zinc.
A YOUNG lady living in this place who
went to Cleveland on the accommoda-
ton train few days since was con-
siderably vexed because fruit-vender
coming through the cars came up to her
and, smiling blandly, said: "Sweet, have
with whom she was acquainted and who
was sitting near her, that she thought
that boy was rather familiar in calling
her pet names. She became less indignant
when the conductor explained that the
innocent fruit-seller merely exclaimed:
Sweet Havana oranges. -Paanesoille
Telegraph.
MR.. DARWIN illustrates the curious eff
fects of bashfulness by the following
story: GA small dinner party was given
in honor of an extremely shy man who,
when he rose to return thanks, rehearsed
the speech, which he had evidently learnt
by heart, in absolute silence, and did not
utter single word; but he acted as if he
were speaking with emphasis His friends,
perceiving how the case stood, loudly ap-