Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-08-01
II UMOR.


The most remarkable oil woman me
toned in the country papers FOR '.e, p&s,
is Hastings, OF Greenfelj, Mas who s
eighty-three years old and who l;'elg W Ii.
ed five miles and back for the pur, o,a i
paying bill of ten cents according to prom.
ise. These ''old lady paragraphs are "a
ried and not little improved by little
spice of morality introduced into them once
in a while According to promise" is
good. Eighty three years old and cannot
tell lie
A few days ago resident of Detroit was
taken sick and sent for doctor The doc.
tor The doctor left prescription, and
with it request that one Of the children
should call at his Office the next day and
say how the patient was doisg A little
girl came, aud, when questioned. she
promptly answered Please, sir, father is
getting better he's broke the stove all te
pieces this morning, and been a.6ghting
mother, just like he used to p
Houghton's Monographs" has this new
story Of Sydney Smith He was good.na
tured and tolerant; but when Lord Mel
bourne, whom he had gone to see upon some
business, interlarded his conversation with
much cursing and swearing, he quietly re.
marked, Let US assume that everybody and
everything are damned, and proceed to the
subject"
A misfortune has lately befallen Chicago
editor By an adverse and cr1el fate he
has found himself far off in San Francisco
writing up the Chinese question. and the
free passes are cut off He now writes to
his wife that as his liver is badly out of or
der he intends walking home, and that he
expects to arrive some time in 1874, in
time for their wooden wedding.
The Rochester Chronicle" says can
excellent article printed as editorial in the
Hudson Register and making two-thirds
Of "a column, is marred by the accidental
omission Of a slight reference to this pa per
which should have appeared either at the
beginning or close of it. The fault Of the
pressman, doubtless"
"What are you about, my dear p said a
grandmother to little boy, who was idliog
about the room and casting furtive glances
at gentleman who was paying visit. Il
am trying, grandma, to steal papa's hat out
Of the room without letting the gentleman
see it, for papa wants him to think he's out. +"
Grace Greenwood relates as an instance
of the extravaganza of New England humor
that when young farmers wife made her
first boys pants precisely as ample before ar
behind, the father exclaimed, Goodness
be won't know whether he's going to school
or coming home
A Meadville. Pa. gil, who WIS looking
at circus clown viii ling hat with i
stick, remarked to her young man that >he
FUSED to do that" The young man was
looking at contortionist 10 another part ni
the arena who bad his legs tied arouud bis
neck, and an explanation was necessary.
Mrs. Swisshelm, in her lecture to young
ladies', says that every country gill knows
how to color red with madden This We
believe to be an chronological tact, as W.
have always noticed that With all girls the
madden they get the redder they color
The editor Of the Quincy Fla, Jour
nal" stating that there are twelve millons
of feas to the square acre III that place.
calmly adds that .'life is mere dream" =
The wonder ia how he can sleep much less
dream, with 90 many heas around
The cholera men of the Chicago new.
papers publish cheerful bu letins pr ducing
a most sautary effect 10 the agricultural
districts of Illinois They have already
been the means of saving thousands of wa
ter-melon patches from destruction
Wilson. the celebrated vocalist, was up
set in his carriage near Edinburgh A
Scotch paper, after recording tn accident,
said /: I'VE are happy to state that he was
able to appear on the following evening in
three pieces.
Since the clergy have held prayers for
the benefit Of the press, the Chicago
Times" suggests that editors unite in sup
plication for the diffusion of intelligence
among the clergy.
Sylvesta Brown, Of Astabula, Ohio. when
adjudged not guilty Of the murder Of his
wife, rose and said Gentlemen, I think
| can stand soda water on this p
A Newport belle, Of vivacious tempera-
ment, who appears 10 bathing suit of al.
ternate black and yellow stripes. has been
named the Striped Hurricane"
A Harper's Ferry man owns a whole
mountain, and offers to trade it for shot
gun.
Literary men can never be sure of having
said a smart thing unless they see the
proof
Why is minister near the end of his
sermon like a ragged urchin Because he's
toward his close.
Joe. I've great mind to blow my
brains out" why don't you 7" said Joe;
.'nobody would ever know it,"
A Western paper heads description Of
Il brides trousseau, "Duds."