The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-07-17
From the Rural Carolia;an for July.
George Augustus and I.

FIoa, the Rural ,Car0linian for July.
George Augustus and /.
Or! Mr.. Editorl did you ever dream you
were woman, and did you ever so dreaming
90 to the storeroom, and find nothing for din
ner except half-pint of corn-rneal and piece
of b&con skin? For if you have, you may
fancy my feelings. And George Augustus will
be coming home, and calling for his dinner.
I don't mind though letting him starye little,
since found out about the oysters.
You must know, that some little time ago,
was really getting dreadfully worried about
George Augustus. He would come home,
every day, to his dinner, but not mouthful
would persuade him to eat. Things went on
so 70: about three weeks, and at last seriously
thought of calling in doctor. / thought my
dearest one must be in a decline. His mother
wher she delivered him over to my keeping,
had charged me solemnly to take care of her
,"belcved child" How detest that woman
YOU would have thought was going to make
way with her "beloved child."") l nave been
finding out so many things about that "be-
loved childs,' since / have married him, that I
am getting rather overcome! Well, ono day,
George Augustus came home as usual, but
Immediately noticed his face. His complexion
looked green and blue and yellow. ooh! my
dear George Augustus!n said I, springing to
him "it is as I dreaded-you have had
hemcrrhagep
George Augustus put his head in his hands
and s,roaned.
coal my husband, am I to lose you SO early
Is there nothing to save you ?"
George Augustus groaned again, and said he
thought if I got him little whiskey, that
would do good deal for him. was rather
surprised at this however, went and got the
whiskey. He took it off at draught and
then professed to feel much better. This sur.
prised me still more, as had not supposed
that one could recover so easily from the effects
of hemorrhage. However, I took it "on faith" :"
THAT is not proceeding that pays, though,
for / took George Augustus himself "on faith"
and certainly was Stuck" He is not "all
my fancy painted him." by any means.)
commenced discussing removal to Florida,
as one means by which his valuable life might
be prolonged, and then it leaked out that he
didn't think ito was consumption; he rather
thought it was those confounded oysters that
made him feel SO dreadfully.
"Oysters, George Augustus p
"Yes; Pollock has some famous ones, and l
thought I'd just take a.pfate."
George Augustus failing appetite was i'm
mediately explained to me. No wonder he
had no appetite for corn-bread and bacon
every day, when he had just had plate of
oysters. Oh, Mr.. Editor fear there are a
great many George Augustuses among you
men. Now, don't you think it rather cruel,
for you to step in and take your plate of oys-
tiers every day, and we poor creatures burning
up our faces and hands, and worrying ourselves
to distraction to make something nice out of
nothing, for my lord to eat when he comes
home; and of course my lord has no appetite
when he does come home, for anythingwe have
to give him.
We'll, I just thought I'd give George Angus
tus g. surfeit of oysters after that; so l. had
them every day, until he offered me five dollars
if ] wouldn't have any more and then, not
wishing to punish him too severely, desisted
He had something of bill, too, to pay the
oystesman, but think he is thoroughly cured
of eating oysters by himself-ike "little Jack
Horner, in the corner"
Now, YOU mustn't think George Augustus is
brute, or anything of the kind. He is very
good sort of fellow, but, of course, he has his
little failings, and as he told me, before we
| were married, (hes never told me 80 since,)
that was his "guardian angel" therefore his
guardian angel" intends to keep him straight
if she can. .
If Ghere is one thing that provokes me about
George Augustus, it is disagreeable habit he
has O. reading out to me what marvellous din
| ners Soyer and all those famous. French COOKS
could produce out Of an old boot and piece
of onion. l have half mind to serve up a
dish Of boots to George Augustus some day or
other 1t would be good way of getting rid
of them. A family of ten could subsist for a
month very decently on George Augustus old
boots and shoes. never saw such an array in
LII AL klAxvo oil y,f of thn
ttoes. He. won't burn them up, either. 1
to come up to our house early in the morning,
and I've no doubt the stranger would be very
much astonished to see the crop of boots and
shoes that had sprung up during the night,
like 30 many Jonah's gourds. You see, George
Augustus uses them as weapons of ofense
against all the unhappy dogs or cats who dare
to disturb his slumbers. You will hear bark,
then The fall of heavy body, and yelp, then
all is quiet, until the next dog comes, then a
boot is hurled out again, and so on at intervals
during the night. Next morning the ground
is strewn with the missiles, and then my part
begins. have to 60 and pick 'em up, ready
| for thu next combat All the animals are get
ting ~ wholesome fear of the front of the
house now, and George Augustus will soon
reign monarch of all he surveys"
Lear! now leIiieu Aiio uoee I'Ae WIG ~
nance out of one. can scarcely persuade
myself that this is the same George Augustus
who used to sing love-songs to me in the moon
light, on the guitar in the front piazza L
should not like George Augustus to hear me
say so, but to tell the truth, the cessation OF
the guitar songs is rather relief. l don't
know aow it was, but all Of his songs sounded
the same. No matter what they were-Trova-
tore, mariana, Sleeping dream love-" "No-
IA O'Neil," or anything else-thcy were always