South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-09-05

ed Steele and Gamble.
4S- FMADAME,' said General BUTLER to
Mrs. Woodruff, il you are going into pol.
itics, the first thing you do is to lose your
character. l destroyed mine years ago, and
have been perfectly happy ever since
nara YOUNG fellow fond of talking re-
marked, Il am no Prophet True repli.
ed lady present, mo profit to yourself or
any ono else
cFsWHAT was the result Of the trial CT
that horse-stealer 2 asked Missourian Of
his reighh or. 'Oh, he was left in suspense.
ETA YOUNG lady, VINO does not man.
age her his with much skill, wants to know
if there is he in love. There is generally
16S- AN Illinois farmer has told his rat
story. He was going out to his corn-crib
the other morning, he says, when he saw a
large rat, with head erect, carrying full
sized ear of corn in hi. mouth, while at the
same time his tail was wrapped around a
mother ear, which be was dragging behind
him
ES'A YOUNG man who enj 1ys the 80.
briquet of Frank, in parting with young
lady the other night, endeavored to impress
his customary kiss, when she forcibly push
ed back his head, aud said, No, sir, you
dOn't-the franhiag privilege is abolished
GVALICE.--'Do yor know, uncle, that
that horrid Mr.. BINKs declares that you
have taken to hard drinking?' UNCLE
GEoRGE.-'NOt true, my dear-no, Never
drank easier in my life
sy A MAN who wanted to be minister
said he believed he had been called to la
Dor in the Lords barryard.'
EyTHE little boy with bis first cigar
and the truckman with his gentle mule both
trie to back her and couldn't.
EB-JoHN VARNUM, Jr., of Lyndon,
Vermont, is practical joker. a few Sun
days ago, in returning from church, be was
conversing with his wife on the subject of
the sermon, and remarked that he couldn't
believe saint and sinner ever dwelt so near
together as the sermon represented. His
wife intimated that they could, and instan-
ced the following case Haven't you and
| dwelt in the same house for several years?
I'm hnf boI
wormed out of it, and closed the case with
the following argument: Yes, to be sure
but did l ever call you sinner I? Judg-
ment for John, and no appeal.
a LAYMAN's GRACE.-A young m arred
friend tells good joke on himself porpe-
trated by little three-year old 'pride of
the family She was the only pledge of
love that has twined itself around the heart
and affections of himself and wife. A few
evenings since minister visited the family
and remained until after tea. At the table
the reverend visitor asked the blessing, and
tho little one opened her eyes to the fullest
extent in startled wondormeDt She could
not UNDERSTAND WHAT nad Deeu uOue3N IL was
with great difficulty that her mother could
keep her quiet during the time they were
at the table. When they left it she walk.
cd up to the minister, for whom sho had
formed great friendship, and said,
what did you say at the table before We
commenced eating 2
My little darling, l thanked God for
His goodness in giving US to eat, so that
we nigh. grow and be strong
Papa don't soy that
What does your papa say 2
Papa says, 'GodIcmighty, whata supper
ES-As q fashionable young lady, fresh
from boarding school, came to her honest
fathers breakfast table, instead Of speaking
English and saying Good morning. she
spoke French, aud said, Boujour.' 'Of
course, the bones yours, if you say So
responded the practical old gentleman, o.
he handed her the ossifed portion Of the
beef steak.
ETA SHOEMAKER down east Of liz.
orary turn, has tho following pootoal gem
IN his sign:
Here lives "a man who never refuses