The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

For nothing but n little dam across tn
canal up there, this is considerable OF dan
roaring item. The Sun is roaring goo
paper. Would it be proper to AIDA cana
dam roaring paper for noise on small founda
ton?
American citizens should feel proud tina
they live in free country, where none cal
be punished without fair trial by Il jury o
his countrymcn, "a change of venue" AM
two superseadcaS," and none however hum
Bile, can be deprived of the regular " stay o
proceedings" the "writ Of error" or tn
Communication of sentence" and "a pardon
--JOti6t Sun.
In consideration Of the above, there is NJ
excuse for the editor of the SIM remaining
any longer in the penitentiary!
A Presbyterian gentleman was engaged ii
marriage to a Baptist lady. They were sit
ting together on the eve Of their contempla
ted union, when the gentleman remarked: 81
have been looking forward with sweet antci
patton to two events in our future life
What are those events?" inquired the lady
The first is, whsn you and | shall be united
in holy matrimony" said the gentleman.
"And pray what is the second 2" continued
the lady. "When our first child shall be
baptised," responded the gentleman. my
child shall not be baptsed," said the lady.
my child shall be baptsed," replied the
gentleman. Il have only to say in conclu-
sion," remarked the lady, "your child shall
never be my child. Good evening, sir" And
she left.-Religious HeraM.
A fair case of borrowing trouble. This
should be a warning to lovers not to antici-
pate things How did she know that they
-? How did they know that She?
Pshaw, we can't explain it.
Rev. Henry Ward Beecher describes fash
ionable religion as beautiful suit of broad
cloth and magnificent suit of silk, locked
arm in arm, and walking to Grace church
and sitting and listening to resplcndent music,
surrounded by respectable people that send
cards through their coachmcn's hand to each
other.
This comes from Il man who knows all
about it, It's his own style A man who gets
100000 per annum for following in the foot
steps of the lowly Jesus, and charges $1,000
per night for lccturing on christianity, is just
the party to define fine-haired silk and broad
clothed piety.
A widowcr who lad never quarreled with
his wife, said the last day of his marriage was
as happy as the first. Another widower said
the last day his marriage was the happiest
We suppose in anticipation of the near.
proach of his next wedding day
A Trojan canine recently swallowed S35 |
worth of national currency belonging to his
master, who wants to know if there's any use
in sending the animal to the Treasury De
partmcnt for redemption.
The dogs offense Is but a trihe in com
p0rison with the large amount of currency
swallowed by corrupt officials at Washing
ton, and all are past redemption.
1t is an established fact among railroad
men that new road is good for at least fifty
elopemcnts in the county through which it
runs the first year.
Thus it would seem that new railroads are
better than castor oil for cleansing corrup-
ton fromsystems.
Toledo girl broke off an engagement be.
cause her lover wore cheap paper collars, and
yet at the same time the story may not be {
truc) she was wearing carriers torn from an
old -slip.-IoIedO Biade
This looks suspicious. How did the editor
get so much knowledge on such delicate
subject? Will he rise and explaing
The practice the young men at school have /
Of kissing the girls in the hall at noon times,
IS doubtless pleasant to them, but its beauty
is lost to the locker on. Don't il.
The reason the "looker ON didn't apprc.
cae it was because 1t was "sour grapes" to
him. Ain'tit, Seward? ,
Mrs. Bond, Of Du Quoin, cloped with n live {
y chap named Davis He husband started |
IN pursuit and overlook them at TamarOa. lC
Alter giving Davis u beautiful fOuncing he e
furnished his wife with money and sent her J
home to her mother. Quite a sensible man is I
Mr. Bond,-Er. q
Guess not Mr., Bond could have secured
fresh wife and saved money and time lost in =
pursuit of the runaway couple, Ridiculous n
Bond!
Besides discovering two or three planets, a lk
Yale professor has invented "A preparation for h
dcodorizing clearinghouse butter-Er,
The world has gained much more from the
latter than the former discovery. Newspa-
pers will chcerfully give the professor hand
some obituary notices, when he shall have
" handed in his checks" as reward of
merit.
The latest in the way of sefprise is Indi.
ana editor who played few tunes on an old
banjo, under his office window, and then
thanked the serenader, in the next issue, for
delightful music.-Er.
Editors in Indiana may be as hard up for
sercnades as this intimates. We depend for
Nocturnal music exclusively on the Thomas
Cats of our neighborhood, who don't clamor
for local puifs.
An exchange has found out that the elegant
velvet robe switched around by Mrs. Scott
SiddOns on the stage, cost between $4,000 and |
$1,000. |,
Ladies who would attempt to initiate this {
extravaganza deserve TO be well switched S
The Ottawa FREE TRADER comes to us en-. i
largcd, printed on new type, and with a new
60, In, Il