Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1873-01-17
CURRENT ITEMS.

CINCINNATI has fined a man $50 and
costs for selling diluted milk. -
WHAT is the most difficult ascent? Get
ting up a subscription. sks
THE next worse thing to raining pitch
forks: Hailing omnibuses.
DANBURY has three men who can hold
woman's jaw. They are dentists.
WHY are religious people fit subjects
for entomologists? Because they are In
sects.
A LITTLE Danbury girl told visitor
that her grandmother chewed tobacco
with her nose.
A BOSTON paper announces that the
Massachusetts, Legislative debating so
ciety" had gone home.
JOE CoBURN has secured a position in
Brooklyn drug store, with a view to
pounding mace, probably.
sEAsT INDIA shufius nuts" said to be
sure cure for dyspepsia, are a novelty
with metropolitan fruiterers.
"SHE sings her trills through her nose, y
said an auditor at a concert. "Yes, y
said his friend, "theyare nos-trils.
ADANBURY youth carries one of his
girls teeth as fond remembrance.
When he is married he can have all heI
jaw.
A WoBURN Mass woman has called at
the post office twice day for twelve
years for letter that does not come.
THE curiosity of Maine lady was so
great that she called on a woman who
was down with the smallpox, 'just to see
how it looked"
THE orange crop of Louisiana is said
to be in bad condition. The fruit is
spoiled by new disease which causes it
to turn black. gt1l.t-5r iga go
ENGLAND has built a steel steamboat
ninety feet long, and drawing only twelve
inches of water, for one of the rivers of
Brazil. ! ~ W Hs-f k4f3
THE Masons have now taken hold of
the work of completing the Washington
monument, and the funds begin to aecu-
mulate with most encouraging rapidity.
EVERY woman thinks her husband the
worst In the world until she compares
notes with other women, when she comes
to the conclusion that hers is the best.
THE YOUNG EUPHEMIsT Aunt Mary
"What is meant by declining a noun,
Ethel p Ethel-"Politely refusing it,
aunt, dear"
A MAN with fifteen daughters and
twelve sons, is figuring as to whether it
will be cheaper to mix up an arsenic stew
or use kerosene for kindling-wood in his
house.
THE Indians of the Skohowish Tore
gon) Reservation lately sent to the mills
two booms of logs containing $50, 900
feet" which they had cut and floated
out themselves.
A MAN in Leavenworth, while digging
well, at the depth of twenty-five feet,
struck vein of coal Three wagon loads
were taken out and sold for twenty-three
cents per bushel.
The higher up we git the more we are
watched-the rooster on the top ov the
church steeple is ov more Importance,
altho' he is thin, than two roosters in
barn-yard.- Josh BSIISngsl
The Milwaukee Journal is in favor of
allowing boys to catch rides on sleighs,
and thinks they might just as we'll die in
that way as to grow UP and be killed in
railroad accidents.
a MIDLAND man, after gazing long and
attentively at the telegraph, amused by
stander with the remark: ''Tve noticed
that thing often, an burned if I shouldn't
like to see it work"
THE Shore Line Railroad is to have
new draw-bridge signals set 1900 feet
from the bridges, and so constructed that
when indicating danger they will, if I'M
needed, knock the smoke stack from the
locomotive.
A PENNSYLVANIA man came upon q
drove of five deer few days ago while
walking through the woods He had a.
hannroar in hi a hopI ub;o+, bo +broxxr
knocked one of the deer down, then ran
up and captured it alive after slight
struggle.
A MAN in Danbury who enjoys the most
sympathy is he who chased a runaway
team for half mile, and finally succeed
ed in heading it off only to find the driver
ished at the hallooing and painting res
Cuer(0
THE Titusville Press says: "One of our
city ccnfectioners wishes us to inform
his juvenile patrons that he can not give
thirty days time on five cents worth of
chewing gum, but he will take first mort
gage on skates and hand-sleds from par
ties whose parents are on a substantial
basis"
BECAUSE in the wedding procession of
the Emperor of China there were two
black, two white, six yellow, six red, two
blue, aud two embroidered yellow UNI.
brellas, the New York Worlds absurd
preparing for a long reign.
THERE have been a large number of
brilliant feminine victories in this city
during the past leap year, partly owing,
we suppose, to the existence of the girls
matrimonial club" secret society at
whose meetings the members repeat the
pretty things that have been said to them,
and collect proofs for breach of promise
actions, where the fact of a young mans
saying the same things to different girls
shows the absence of serious intentions.
Springfield { Moss. } Republican.
If any farmer should chance to have a
cow fall into an ice hole in the river, he
may learn how to get her out from this
story of how it was done at Bethel, Yer
mont, one day last week: A man caught
the unfortunate animal by the horns and
held her head above water, while. a rope
could be procured; then another man put
the rope around her neck with a slip-knot
and frightened it around her throat, caus-
ing her to suddenly bloat with air, and
rise to the top of the water, when with
her struggling and little assistance she
came out on the ice safely.
THE slanteyed Chinaman can discount
the Yankees on ingenuity. What Yam
kee would ever have thought of protect
ing small birds from their larger perse-
cutors by tying whistle to their tails?
Yet this plan has been in operation in the
Flowery Kingdom for thousand years.
Doves are numerous there, but they were
nxrx I>ax ia hot
whistle was placed upon the tails of many
of them which makes q shrinking NOISE