Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1873-06-19
"COrdtng" Your NIOtheP-in-Iaw's
BedStead.

| 0OOlSOSttOs
1t is little singular why your Wffe's
mother will persist in sleeping on q
cord bedstead. But she does You
don't think so much of this until you
are called upon to put it up, which
event generally takes place in the even
ing. The bedstcad has been cleaned
in the afternoon, and having been
soaked through with hot water, is now
ready for putting up. Your wife
holds the lamp and takes charge of
the conversation. The rope has been
| under water several times in the
course of the cleaning, and having
swollen to diameter greater than the
holes in the rails, has also got into a
fit of coiling up into mysterious and
very intricate forms. You at frst
wonder at this, but pretty soon won
der ceases to be virtue, and then you
scold. The thread which has been
wound around the end of the rope to
facilitate its Introduction in the holes
has come off, and you have to roll it
up again. Then, after you have pull
ed it through eight holes. your wife
makes the discovery that you have
started wrong. The way that rope
comes out Of those holes again makes
your wife get closer to the door
Then . you try again and get
it tangled in your legs. BY this
time you notice that this is the small
est bed room in the house, and you
call the attention of your wife to the
fact by observing: "Why on earth
don't you open the door! Do you
want to smother me?' She opens
the door, and you start again, and she
helps you with the lamp. First she
puts it on the wrong side of the rail,
then moves it so the heat comes up
the chimney and scorches your nose.
Just as you need it the most you lose
sight of it entirely, and turning
around you find her examining the
wall to see how the man has put on
| the whitewash. This excites you,
and brings about Precipitation in great
er profusion, and you declare you will
kick the bedstead out of doors, if she
doesn't come around with the light -
| Then she comes around. Finally
the cord is laid all right, and you pro-
ceed to execute the very delicate job
of tightening it. The lower ropes
are walked over first. This is done by
stepping on the first one and sinking it
down, hanging to the head board with
the clutch of death. Then you step
with the other foot on the next line,
spring that down, lose your balance,
grab for the headboard, miss it, and
come down in heap. This is repeat
| ed more or less times across the
length of the bed, the only variety be-
ing the new places you bruise. The
top cords are tightened in another
way, and you now proceed to that
You first put one foot on each rail,
which spreads you some, and as you
do it the frightful thought strikes you
that if one of those feet should slip
over, nothing on earth would prevent
you from being split through to the
chin. Then you pull up the first rope
until your eyes seem to be on the
point of rolling out CT their sockets,
and the blood in your veins fairly
groans, and on being convinced that
you can't pull any fl her without Grip
pling yourself for life, you catch hold
of the next rope and draw that up,
and grunt. Then you move along to
the next, and pull that up, and grunt
again. Just as you have got to the
middle, and commence to think tina
you are about through, even if your
joints will never set as they did before
you some way or other miss the con
nection, and find that you have got tc
go back and do it all over, Here
you pause for few minutes of bracu
lar refreshment, and then slowly and
carefully work your way back. You
don't jump down and walk back, be
cause you are afraid to spread out ir
that way again. You sort of waddlt
back, working the way inch by inch
and with consummate patience. A
man thus stretched across a bedstead
never becomes so excited as to lose
his presence of mind. 1t would be
instant death if he did. Then he goes
over it again, waddling and pulling
groaning and grunting, while his wife
moves around with the lamp, and tells
him to take it easy, and not scratch
the bedstead any more than he can
help, and that she can't tell which
creaks the most, he or the bedstead
And after he gets through she has the
audaciUy to ask him to bring in the
feather beds. In the dead of night
that man will steal up to that room
and look at that bedstead and swear
Danbury News.