The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-08


counterfeit money mandatory should bt
started here at oncc." is the frantic exclama
ton of a Minnesota paper.
Queer things happen at prayer meetings
sometimes, and of this character was the eX
perience told by the worthy German at Men
dota, year or so ago. He said " he used Il
enjoy religion far better than he now did, bu
for the past year he has been having such an
internal sour stomach that he hadn't enjoyed
anything much"
Here is little machine poetry on a live
issue of today;
III fares the railroad Fastening to decay
where reasonable freights are not allowed tC
sway. Railroad lords may flourish or fade, q
trick can make them as trick has made
but the old farmer will only learn to smile
when he can ride at some three cents mile.
An exchange suggests that in speaking OF
our nation, the word should always commence
with a capital n. When one looks at the
peculation and perjury of the man who is its
vice president, he feels, if not restrained by
grace good deal like beginning it with q
d-n.-L0utsoiNe CourierJournaL.
An Iowa Falls lady having occasion tc
leave home one cold day recently, put adozer
eggs in the bed to keep them from freezing
| She returned home after dark forgot the eggs
bounded into bed and-well, she didn't eggs
achy like it, that's all.
An exchange grows sarcastic over the
chrome nuisance, thusly: "The proprietor
of one Of our livery stables has several hun
bred loads of fertilizer for sale, which he offers
at one dollar load, each purchaser receiving
a handsome chrome worth five dollars"
The little Augusta boy who left handful
of tacks in his fathers arm chair Is of the
opinion that while alum curd will do for sore
eyes, it will not remove the remOrse which
burns in the fiery track of the parental slip.
per. He is now an inmate Of the family
hospital.
The Detroit Tribune says;
twas reported that the church lately burn.
ed in Chicago was the victim of defective
fue; but paper of that city, in relating the
incidents, assures US that it was consumed by
an angel of fire." that tapped his red wings
in the skies. So it appears that the fire was
not because of the defective tiue, but because
the angel flew.
The editor of the New York Times is sick.
He went to have tooth pulled, and opened
his mouth so wide the dentists monkey
wrench he does it with dropped clean down
his throat
The Gazettc says there ought to be a penalty
for reporting weddings before they take place.
How is it about such as ought to take place
sooner than they do?
A Connecticut boy, just learning to read,
asked his father what Credit Mobilicr was !:
Its our national game, my boy" replied the
father, who with the shrewdness of a native
of the Land of Steady Habits, was looking
ahead. you'll be able to play it when you
get big and go to Congress"
Wild cat fights constitute the religious eY
ercises of Andersonville Ga, on Sundays.
An Oil City boy, one Of that class of urchins
who seem sent upon the earth for the sole pur.
pose of bringing pious grown-up people to al
recollection Of the fact that this world is not
their home, recently put some niro-glycerine
in his sisters hustle when she was going out
skating.
The Terre Haute Mail ventures to give the
following seasonable advice
Those who advertise on fences, should not
forget to mix little spelling book with their
paint,
A Philadelphia paper advcrtises IS
patent lever cOrk.drawers" We have seen
flannel drawers and buckskin drawers, but
cork drawers, and patent lever at that, never
Mail.
Here is as Sam Weller would say, wal.
luable invention"
With the new order of things, gentlemen
will be interested in the Invalid's Vest Pocket
Companion, just issued by Boston house, Il
new article made to exactly initiate a cigar
In the house, on the ears, or when cScoring
" the adored," il is SO handy To bite off the
end, and before you have made up your mind
10 smoke, Il triple guzzle of old Bourbon
ticklcs your throat.