Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-05-09
Il UMOR.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS subject of i'm
pressions at first sight was being talked
over, on Christmas Eve, in family circle
of speculative Christians, when the female
head of the family said
II always form an idea of person on
first sight, and generally 6ud it correct
Mamma" said her youthful son.
well, my dear, what is it p
81 want to know what your opinion Of
ne was when you first saw me"
The lady did not come up to TIE necessity
of the occasion, and the question is travel
ing about unanswered.
The worst shocked man We have seen l.
some time was the citizen who made the
discovery, Friday, that the neighbor from
whom he had borrowed paper for the last
four years had not paid for it. H. learned
the facts from the agent of the publisher,
and he was grieved. He was also inHlg-
nant He said to US: ITO think shat |
should have been so imposed npon at my
time Of life. tell you mao doa't know
who to trust 10 these times. he world is
full of corruption, deceit, ard deviltry-
chock full of it"
A nervous man 10 the sleeping car, on
night train from St. John, hearing the
conductor call out, Jackson's Brook y
seized companion in the berth above him,
dragging the unfortunate man out into the
middle Of the car and strove to rush him to
the door, shouting at the came time, 1.-The
axle's broke The axles broke ! We're
all going to destruction p 1t was some
time before he was calmed down.
The occupants Of drinking-saloon in
Cape Girardeau, Mo-, were started lately
by the entrance of the wife of one Of them,
bearing covered dish. Placing it on the
table, with the remark that she supposed be
had not time to come to his dinner, she
departed. He removed the lid and found
slip of paper on which was written Il hope
you will enjoy your dinner !: it is the same
kind your family has at home"
A clergyman at the examination of the
Young scholars of his Sunday school, put
the following question "Why did the peo-
pie of Israel set up golden calf p BE.
cause they had not money enough to set up
an OK" was the reply Of a little chap, who
took dollars and cents view Of the mat
ter.
A grave-stone in cemetery near Spring
field, bears the following epitaph
SWEET BABIES.
They came into the world to see
A sample Of our miseree
They turned their little heads aside,
Disguised at the sight, and died.
A South American newspaper man, con.
found him, has spoiled all future items about
very old people in the United States by tel
ling about Brazilian nearly two hundred
years DID, Thus does foreign competition
ruin home industry, and still the free-tra-
ders raise their barbaric howl
A bright little boy hearing his father say
that man ought to ''stick to his business"
emptied bottle Of mucilage in the gentle.
mans office chair. The old man says he
has been stuck SO badly since 1857, and
rewarded his offspring by taking him on
whaling trip to the back cellar.
A Titusville father, who sold bis oil be.
fore the hard times struck the region, and
who has a.quartette Of beautiful daughters,
has worn out the toes Of four pair of boots
this winter helping the young men down
the icy steps of his residence, who have
called to chat the girls.
An Indian woman is mad because her
husband took her very best sheet to hang
himself, when there was an oil clothes.lne
in the cellar, which was good enough for
the purpose She says he was always ex-
travagant, and too lazy to 60 into the cellar
for anything.
A Western jury recently brought in
verdict of ''justiiabe breach Of promise"
Shortly afterward an infuriated female was
travelling around town with scowl on her
face and a seven shooter in her hand. The
Jurors laid very low that day.
Oregon youth are sprely afflicted with
che base ball fever, and in const quence
about half Of them gaze at the beauties of
nature with one eye, while the rest waddle
about on crutches, or are waiting for some
new fingers to grow.
A tin wedding was lately observed after
rather unusual manner. The wife eloped
with young fellow. taking with her all
the ''tin'' she had saved in ten years. The
discovery Of her absence closed the feat ures
of the festivities.
After asking your name, in the State of
Arkansas, the natives are in the habit of
further inquiring in confidential tone -
|Well, now, what was yer name afore
you moved to these parts 2"
Josh Billings gives the following advice
TO young men Don't be discouraged if
yer mustash don't grow it sometimes hap.
pens where mustash duz the best nothing
else duz so well.
"Do you like goldfish balls Mr.. Wiggiog??'
Mr.. Wigging, hesitatingly. Il really don't
know, miss I don't recollect having at
sended one"
A Southern Radical, Wanting his riches
is like musquito boasting Of the aristo.