Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1873-11-11
aUMOR.OHS q
"a little nonsense now and then
Is relished by the wisess men,"

An ill-bread act-Cheatipg your ba
ker.
A new name for tight boots-A corn
crib.
A tender suggestion-To "mind your
eye."
Boiling a convention does not ne
cessarily shut it up.
Every body is on strike now, as is
usual i'll fiy-time,
Parting words from Germany to
France-Our occupations gone.
What length oughta a lady's petticoat
to be?--A little above two feet.
A balloons greatest necessity and
greatest danger-Blowing up.
What foot is that which has no toes?
The foot of a hill.
Query-Is "quack" doctor suppos-
ed to prescribe for ducks?
What band is that which has no
buckle? a band of soldiers
Something from the nursery-The
child who cried for an hour did not
find it.
Other times other habits-Dies AZ e
engraved now; in Caesars time the die
was cast.
When they are short of fans at
New York evening party they Da IS
around the window awnings
II came off with flying colors.n as
the painter said when be fell from a
ladder with palette on his thumb.
" hat is the difference Between
sailor and beer drinker9-One pu Is
his sail up and the other pats his lie
down.
The concluding words of s. Mormon |
obituary notice in Utah are We ~
pathetic: "Heleaves thirteen widows
and tifty-four children to mourn I. is |
loss.
The least of countenanees" of sn
English tragedian at present in Paris /
Is described by French critic as th,,t |
ot Don Qufkote giving away tracts.
The hardshipS of the oeaan-iror.,
clads.
Music by Handel-that of the organ>
grinder. 7
Two fatigued travellers, having to
,ravel ten miles further, comfort, ID
themselves by the caluIasiOn that it !
vas only five miles each
Which is the oldest, Miss Antiqui ty,
I'D Aunty Diluvian. Mss Ann Teri or,
Miss Ann ]. Mundane OF Miss 4 nh
/. Iedent?
Two pairs Of stairs are necessary to
very newspaper Office in North Car
'Iina: one for the editor 60 go down
IS the caller comes up the other.
The Des Moines dramatic clul, is
discussing what DesdeiDona nient
when sac exclaimed. Would hat
heaven had made ne such man y
A Georgia "cracker'' was off red
our dollars per day to labor, " d IN
he exclaImed, "Sir, dye s'pose I'd
york when Eve just discovered
reSn coon track z!
The editor of a Kentucky paper
vas thrown into pound by a trize-
ighter. and is said to have swall ou ed
ONE wtaer for the frs tim. since
is boyhoOd
a watering place correspondent
rites THAT very few bathers bathe
t the west End - whereupon Mrs.
'arton says she bathcd all over
Scene in court: Judge.-~have
ou anything to offer 20 the court
etore sentence is passed on you"
Prisoner "No, Judge; I had ten
ollars. but my lawyers took that
"Why do you set your cup of coffee
n the chair, Mr.. JoIes?' said
'Orthy landIady one morning at
reakfast 1T is SO very weak, mad
m, | thought l would let it rest.
"Does one woman in fifty ELL the Z
over half of her lungs with airY is
he stern inquiry of sanitary ex /;
hange. The editor of thar p iper n
card the voice ofan infuriated mo tn
r>in law
"Iasaac.' said Mrs. Partineton. Il
fter she came from a Baptist church. o
there is to be dreadful doings this r
fternon The minister gave out that
e should dip four adults and two
lulteresses.'
The editor of the Huntsville. Mo,
Yerald pops the question in his paper
this public fashion: There's
yrtan girl in this town who can car
: our smOke-house keys fer life if
le' II only say the word
We cannot be too careful how we
ay with the English language. One !
~ this week married lady of this
ty, while admiring the falls from N
'arburton avenue bridge, remarked, Il
Isn't that dam nice?" al
1t was expected the other day, when W
ma Dickinson rode to the top OF F,
ke's Peak. that size would have
ade speech on the occasion, but 7
seems that. for once, she was viii o,
ig to let Pike speak aloLe. D
A good natured spinster boasts that =.
e alwavs has two reliable beaus at n
=.
Chicago wants to have the next E'
rld's fair held there. I'm the first ne
lce.' says the Boston Post, "it
t certain that thenext world will Low
We fair. and in the second place
use who'd be likely to attend it