Northern Ohio journal. [volume] (Painesville, Ohio) 1872-1896, 1873-11-29

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it did not chafe and gall the less, be-
cause no human life would ever put 1t |
In that good round old Saxon In which
| had a habit OF setting facts before my
own thoughts. i, too, had long ago
learned to mask harsh truths In fair,
soft disguises, and whited selpulchres Of
words. / should not be likely to con-
fess to any man what 1 have TO this pa
per; that I was in the market, and run
my chances for matrimonial bargain
forever. It was high time had made
one, for was kRee-deep among the
twenlies, yet 1 did not look my years,
for at home they had always called me
"winter APPLE" my time OF budding
and blossoming had been so late
My chances in the world had come
late, too. A few sentences will give you
tine outlines of my autobiographical
sketch, and as am only writing chap
ter Of my life, can put in these all
choose to tell of my history. :
1t was nothing very remarkable, /
suppose. / was the oldest OF moder-
ately sized family; those behind me,
until you come to the two youngest be-,
ing unluckily girls also. u = 4iksa - 2
We were poor and proud, and exceed
ing respectable; we had an awful tug Of
it to make both ends meot on an Insult.
cient income. The father was a lawyer,
not a marked man in his profession !; not
man of business thrift and energy
anywhere, but honest and well-inten-
toned to the core. The mother, a deli
cate, nervous woman, unequal to the
burden of all those bouncing boys and
girls, and the dreadful problem always
staring her in the face, of food and shell
ter, and clothing, facing the world with
a threadbare gentifity, gentility thai
was an heirloom from dead generations,
family tradition that we had received
to maintain at all costs, sacred as the
beads to the old Brahmins.
We did onr best. "Be genteel girls
or die," was the advice of some mother
to her daughters when the family for
tune was fatally attenuated. Ii we act
ed on that rule, be sure we never put 1t
in words, and we did not die, and
among our neighbors we managcd to
hold our traditional footing OF gentility
although the ground frequently quaked
beneath rs.
My fathers sister had married pros
| perously, and settled in the city. What
| eyer native powers her husband posses
| ed, he had narrowed them down into
one channel, and he was a successful
| business man. His instincts were nat
urally miserly, still he he had sense Of
what was due to his position, and KEPT
up snowy style of living with per.
petual grumbling over the necessary
outlay. My aunt had grown used te
casionally developed into storming an,
swearing. 1t shook her nerves terribly
SO to keep her husband Esin - state o.
semi-quiescence, and maintain her cost.
ly style of living, required no small
amount of management on her part. Or
the whole, though, she was equal to .th'
emergency. s.z se54i a-r- -s1
Ny aunt had no children. and goot
deal OF family feeling. There came
time when she took ie into her head o
heart, that the greatest favor she couit
possibly show 10 her brother's faaaily
was to carry of his eldest daughter {,
the city, Introduce her into society, an,
have her make an advantageous mattel
there. s..s.ss..s .,..-. --...s-r-rs =.
So it came to pass that I was in tn
market. NY aunt's determination wa
indirectly a great compliment to m,
personal attractions You may be sur
so worldly-wise woman would neye
have taken all this trouble, If she ha
not thought were worth it.
She was good to me after her fashion
and / ought to be very grateful to heI
and I tried to be. 4 knew she did fo
me precisely what she would have don
for her own daughter. KNEW she pass
ed great many hours in wheedling an
scolding the money out of Uncle Jacot
which went TO the adorning' of me i
silks and satins and jewels; goo
many more In contriyiDg how the none
should do its utmost in the way of m
wardrobe. III -
I went through all the wearying rou
tine of fashionable life. Calls and pal
ties, and suppers-the piping, an
dancing, and feasting. 1t was not all
WEAKNESS, though. 1 was young, and
enjoyed the life. and mirth, and beauty
as youth naturally would although
was haunted by perpetual sense
hollowness and dead mems bones b,
meath. I never confided- that to IN
.. . aunt, though, aud think 1 acted m
part tolerably well on the stage whel
she put me. I had compliments, cav,
liers who said soft nothings to me
plenty, but these carpet knights mad
no impression on nae, and j was kalw way
secretly relieved to find that my aun
after going over them in her own min
with their matrimonial qualification
which really resolved itself into the SO
itary Indispensable one, dismissed eac
as not being eligible. All this time, to-
a miserable, clinging sense of depel
dence never left me, even in fny brigh
est moments. If the chains were gil,
ed, they were chains, nevertheless; ar
every now and then felt their CO.
chatting on sensitive sfeshs y In III
smooth, stately fashion, as said, Aul
Madge was kind to me, and 80, perhap
was Uncle Jacob in his balky, growth
one, but, all that did not prevent
times some feeling on my part mnehl IA
that of hunted, worried creature, wi
5 glares on all sides for some means of e
CAPE, SO did I. There was. but OF
way open. to me. 1t was the flower
gate Of matrimony. But would this
escapes That depended Of course. !
tany rate 1 should have change OF ma
tiers, and I should be mistress Of m
own house. "a
What terrible fate it seemed to q
those days, to be born a woman, poe
and with a family tradition of gentili
to maintain.
Il. That summer, Aunt Madge took n
tion to 60 to the sea-shore. 1 think, 8
ter all, 1 was at the bottom of this pu
pose. She had fancy that the freedo
OF nature and country life, with
strong, homely lights and shadow
would afford me a more picturesq'
background than the Springs aud II
great hotels. So we were down at t
sea-shore in cottage rented for the &c
son. 1t was a fashionable place,
course, a high tide of life and gale
:. rolling on with the summer solstice up
= the little village, with the delicious qu
of its brown old roads, and the haunti
sweetness of its clover meadows, a
the homely old pastures that lean
down to the sea, fringed with wiz
hot glitter of sand. a2s So - So
had a fortnight of rare enjoymel
be wandering there upon the shore, wate
st ing the great tide swing in upon t
ch land with an awful gladness of she
a and song, watching the sloops apd "a
lg boats quiyering like vast silver blosso
1t, in the sea-winds, getting my chet
les brown, and the tired heart within 4
ue quieted with roaming among the {
nd brown roads, and the meadows. kn,
est deep with grasses, and the yeliows 70;
his OF daisies. Oh it was a good time.
de rioted in its freedom, ran down In I
p starry nights, when the tides were
C; and the moon was up, and wander
n, Oh the wet sands among great slippe
nd moses of sea-weed, and watched I
ch green coils of the waves as they cur
M up on the sands, shaking out little n
ed sical tinkle of q laugh, and in the .silen
T.. II g.