The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1873-08-23

Never discuss anything with anybody.
Life is too short.
A dull season-Boarding house pep
per.
John Smith lives in New York this
year. There are 24S of him.
The pace of New Orleans funerals
averages twelve miles on hour.
"A small boy has gravely asked this
question; SPA, does heartburn mean
sick after. your girlr
e' Portland has a Widows Wood Socie
ty"-but who ever knew of widow
who wouldn't.
"A Virginia lady, gathering berries,
was lately struck twice in the breast by
a rattlesmake, but thanks to toilet arti.
fees escaped harm.
"Mamma, dess bod is boiug to rlay
croquet; he's dot his wicket set - said
little four year cid girl looking at rain
bow.
The girls in Springfield, Miss, fac.
tory are supplied by the proprietors with
chewing gum, in order that they may
not waste time in talking.
a Kentucky editor speaks of local
genius who has been perseveriug con
tributor to the Office waste basket for
several years.
Notwithstanding all they say against
1t, there is not an editor in the State
who would refuse to accept "back pay"
from subscribers
"A Bangor woman got angry with
directory eanvasser because that young
gentleman would not take the name Of
her six months old baby. s
News'is scarce in Minnesota; in the
effort to present something fresh, a
hancsboro paper has found it necessary
to publish the Ten Commandments.
"A Wabash, Ind, editor returns thanks
for 9 centipede sent him by mail from
Texas, being the first cent of any kind
he had seen for mouth,
The Charleston Ne,os and Courier re
ports that the Jail is crowded with pri.
soners, and those sentenced to the Pen.
teutiary cannot be sent on because Of
lack of funds.
In the most central business locations
land in London is worth s135 per
square foot, Sl13 per square foot in New
York, $50 81 per square foot in Chica
so, and s22 per square foot in San
Francisco. 40 .st.,s..
A Dutchman getting excited over an
account Of an elopement of married
woman, gave his opinion thus. If my
wife runs away NIT anoder mans wife, /
shakes himout of his preeches, if she be
mine. fadder, mine Got! =
a. minister in Lexington, Kentucky,
lately said in the pulpit that he had seen
q pack of cads and backgammon
board 10 the parlor of member of his
churcEs and after services that night
several pious men scolded their wives
for carclessness.
A young. lady of Bennington Of
practical turn Of mind was invited by
an Advent exhorter to get her white
robe ready and prepare to ascend. "I
CANT, 3 she replied, "father and mother
are going up, and somebody must stay
to see to the cattle"
The .Norristown Herald says that a
man wrote to the editor of horticutur
al journal, and asked: "What arc the
most advantageous additions to, dried
grasses for winter ornament?" The
editor replied: Acrolinium roscum,
a alba Gomphrena globsola, aud G
slobosa camea.'
Digging horse radish is profitable
business in Omaha. While engaged at
the business the other day, man dug
up $4,000 in gold. Were Mr.. Greeley
alive lie would favor MS with double
1aded editorial ling everybody to go
West aud raise horse radish.
"Sambo, whar you git dat watch you
weared to meetin' last Sunday ?"
Chow you know L had watch p
SKass seed de chain hang out de
pocket in 'front.'
"Go' way niggar! S'pose you see a
halter round my neck, you tink der is a
horse inside oh me?'