, 1873-05-04
READING FOR THE SEASON.

| an Encounter with tho Family Stove
and Piptng--Tho Store Comes Off
| Victorious.
From the Danbury fetrs.
Putting up q stove il not so difficult in itself.
It is the pipe that raises four-ffths Of the mis-
chief and all the dust. You may take down a
stove with all the care in tho world, and have
your wife put away the pipe in secure place,
! and yet thnt Pipe won't come together again as
it was before. You find this out when you nre
| standing on chair with your arms full
Of pipe and your mouth full of SCOT.
Your wife is standing on the floor
in position that enables her to you the pipo
and the chair, md here Hhe gives utterance to
those remarks that aro calculated to hasten q
man into the extremes OF insanity. Her dreBs
is pinned over her waist, and her hands rest On
her hips. She has got one of your hats on her
head, and your linen coat On her back, and d
pair OF your rubbers on her feet. There is about
five cents worth Of pot-b1ack on her nose, and q
lot Of flour On her chin, and altogether she is
spectacle that would inspire dead man with
distrust. And while you aro up there try
ing to circumvent the awful contrar-
meas OF the pipe, and telling that you
know some fool has been mixing it,
she stands safely. on the floor, and bonn
% WHAT'S the use Of swearing so?" "Yon know
more patience than child" 't'Do be careful
OF that chair" And ttan she goes off, aud re-
appears with an armful Of more pipe, and, be-
fore you are aware OF it, aho has got that pipe
80 horribly mixed up that it does seem no pieces
are alike.
You join the ends and work them to and fro,
md to and fro again, and then you take them
apart md look at them. Then you spread one
them once more. But it is no go: You begin.
to think the pieces are inspired with life
and ache to kick them through tho win
dow. But she doesn't loso hor patience.
rigging On, with length Of pipe under each arm,
and 1onghand1ed broom In her hand, and says
she don't see how it is some people never have
any trouble putting up stove. Then you miss
tho hammer, You don't see it anywhere. You
stare into the pipe, along the n,antel, and down
watches you, and is finally thoughtful enough to
inquire what you are looking aftor, and on learn-
ing, pulls the article from her pocket. Then you
feel as il you could get out doors and Bwear
hole twelve feet squire through h block Of brick
"Why On Garth don't you speak when
you want anything, and not stare around like
dummy" Whom chat part Of the pipe which goes
through the wall is up, sho keeps it up with her
called for. ALI the while your position is be-
coming more and more interesting. The Pipe
don't go togethor, of course. The SCOT shakes
down into your eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face and tickles your chin as it drops
of, and it seems az i your arms are slowly but
surely drawing out Of their sockets Here your
wife comes to the rescue by inquiring ii you are
going to be ali day doing nothing, and it you |
think her arms are made Of cast iron, and then
the broom slips OF the pipe, and in her
endeavor to recover her hold She 1abs you under !
the chin with tho handle, and the pipe comes
down on your head with it's load Of fried SCOT,
and the chair tits forward enough to discharge I
your feet, and you come doYn on the wrong end |
Of that chair with forca that would bankrupt |
pile driver. You don't touch that stove again.
moaning its injuries, and go into tho kitchen
and wash your akinned and bleeding hands with |
yellow soap. Then you go down street after
man to do the business, and your wife goes over
10 The neighbo7s' with her chair and tells about
it's injuries. and drains the neighborhood dry OF |
It's sympathy long before you get home.