The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-02-15
VARIETY.

A river in Kansas is 50 low that the fish have
20 stand on their heads to mOisten their gis, and
people 60 along and pull them like onions.
New York brides throw q bouquet at the
groom as the ceremony concludes. After n week
or two she finds the eofee-pOt better weapon.
Josh Billings says that opera music don't have
any more effect on him than castor oil would on
craven image.
Wedding cards in Denver consist Of the Jack of
diamonds and the queen Of hearts, with the con-
tracted parties names thereon; If the bride 8
mother is living the ten OF clubs is enclosed.
A western paper bags an item briefly thus -
:" Mrs. John Bags, OF Omaha, has LETT MIR. John
Baggs, taking the money bags, and leaving John
to hold the little empty Baggs."
An Indiana editor makes a pathetic appeal to
his readers thus 80 II there is anything you
know that is worth knowing, that ought to
know and you know that we don't know, please
let us know it."
An old lady named Brown has Just died in
London, leaving 81 SOC, 900 and nobody to in-
herit it. This will cause a vast commotion
among the two or three families of that name in
the United States
Beecher says that one look back upon the
record Of American Presidents " takes entirely
from my mind all purpose of running a candi-
out my consent. and should be dragged to that
chair in spite Of my screams"
Recently the London Morning Post celebrated
Its first centenary by devoting eight Of it's wide
columns to the "reminiscences of men and things
100 years ago. BY noon n copy of the paper
could not be had for love or money in all London.
The N. Y. Mail says the law just passed in
Kansas, giving mothers control of their children,
is a capital measure, and should be initiated in
other States. Children have had control of their
mothers 50 long it is time for change. We
believe in rotation in the domestic Offices.
"Mr. Jones, said Mrs. Jones, with an air of
triumph, - don't you think marriage is q means
of grace?" "a Well yes" growled Jones, Il
suppose anything is a means of g.z 20 that breaks
down pride and leads to repentance"
The Lord Chief Justice Kenyon once said to q
rich friend asking his opinion as to the probable
success of a son, - Sir, lee your forthwith
spend his fortune; marry, and spend his wife's,
and then he may be expected to apply with energy
To his profession.
1t is said that recently an Oregon merchant
went to San Francisco to purchase bill of goods.
The last that was heard OF him he was in bis
room, surrounded by seventeen drummers, who
had crowded through the transom, while an en-
ergetIc reporter was below the stairs pumping the
clerk for the age of the unfortunate man. and the
probable circumstances Of his family.
Dr. Hall gives the following eating negations'':
Never eat when you are not hungry; never eat
when YOU are very tired; never eat Just before
severe mental or physical effort eat while
in q passion; never eat when very lOw-spirited;
never eat just before bath; never eat while
greatly worried If only those not m the con-
ditiOns designated by the good doctor should eat
at regular meal time, the cooks would have a
time Of il in keeping - warm meals, while some
people would eat but little
ANOTHER KIND OF ESoCH ARDEN.-Quebec has
lust had another EnOch Arden story, which takes
the wind out of TennysOn's altogether. y shoe
maker left bis home 10 seek his fortune in the
United States some eight years ago. His wife
heard nothing of him for three years, and, be-
Ieying HIM to be dead, yielded to the solicitations
of an old sweetheart, and married him. Time
rolled on and progeny arrived A few weeks ago
Eroch Arden returned home, and went after his
wife. He saw his successor and the infants He
did not rush away to the wilderness and waste
away IN green and melancholy business. Not at
all He went for the husband and kicked
him out; sorted out the children and kicked them
after him. He then gave his wife a whaling and
settled down into q model head Of the family
extraordinary ASswERs.-A pupil of Able
Sicord gave the following extraordinary answers
What is gratitude?'
Gratitude is the memory OF the heart
What Is the difference between hope and
desire?'
Desire is a tree in leaf, hope is tree in
flower, and enjoyment is tree in fruit"
- What is eternity p
A day without yesterday or to-morrow-a
line that has end
What is God p
ss The necessary being, the sun Of eternity, the
merchant of nature, the eyes of justice, the
matchmaker Of the universe, and the soul of the
world"
50 Does God reason ?''
az Man reasons, because he doubts; he deliber-
ates he decides God is Omniscient; He never