The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-03-29
VARIETY.

" The power behind the thrown Tile foot
that kicks you down stairs.
Honest farmers in Iowa ill ducks with water
and let them freeze before taking them to market.
The Danbury News says that n humane mother
in that place cllOrofOrms her boy before whip
ping him.
Nothing like being accurate in your statements.
i" Pat, what You digging that hole for?"
a. It's not the hole, sir, it's the dirt I'm digging
An Irishman meeting another. asked him what
had become Of n mutual friend .'Arrah. now
my dear honey answered be-. - Paddy was con
demned TO be hanged, but saved his life by dying
IN prison"
It costs n saIoon-keerer in Ohio $50 to sell a
drink Of liquor % a man who is already full, or
chuck up" As saloOnist receives but ten
cents for "A drink. he is consequently ST9.90 out,
besides the wear and tear ON the tumbler.
MUcH OnImED.-A distinguished clergyman in
Boston performed the marriage ceremony, and
the couple walked away without bestowing any
fec But che bride turned and said We are
very much Obliged To you, sir, and hope one of
these days we shall be able to reialnte.''
A farmer out West bought new cook-stoye,
held funeral in his house, had new door hung,
hired n new cook, and had thirty new panes of
glass put into the windows, all on the same day.
The day before, his help tried 10 light fire in
the coJk-srove with coal oil
A drunken husband according to a recent de-
cisiOn IN Illinois, s 3 200 better than nOne-if
he ia killed One John Lay Of Logan county
broke his neck while intoxicated, and his widow
under the Temperance law, recovered 81 200
from the salOOn-keeper who sold him the fatal
liquor.
An old man. an inhabitant Of Cernay, in Al
SAGE, arrived at the German Office to declare his
choice Of nationality.
..You are very Old said the Prussian, it is
hardly worth your while to make choice"
- know / cannot live long" >" was the reply
'' but l wish to 90 u heaven, desire to die a
Frenchman."
An English court has decided that n husband
is entitled to all the bed clothes he car get hold
of, and If he be placed IN possession Of them by
priority Of retirement, 1t is not legally competent
for the wife, although shivering in nocturnal
toilet, to force division by application of fire
shovels, POkers, brOOm-stcks, other imple-
mcnrs of connubial discipline. Good for the
tyrant man"
"Do you 90 to school now, Charlie?''
"Yes, sir; had fight to-day, tOo."
a. You had? Which whipped?''
"Oh, got whipped be replied with great
franknezs.
I" Was the other boy bigger than you?"
''No. he was littler.''
'wen, how come you to let littler boy whip
you?"
''Oh, you see he was nlGGGer nor I Iras!
Out West the human ear-crop grows to an i'm
mense sIze-Judging from the newspapers. Thus
editor says brother contemporary can wag
his left ear. Then the editor who is accused OF
wsggng his left ear, says the accuser has to cut
slits the rim of his hat To make room for has
ears- Another man out there hIs ear for a
napkin. Another can fan himself with his aural
appendages, and still another employs his for
an umbrella The champion earIst, however, is
an editor who wears several reefs in his ears 10
prevent his treading upon them he walks along
the streets
MARrYR's HTNS.-The correspondent of the
New York Herald at Washington gets off this
If services are held tomorrow in Bishop Poland's
church IL is understood that a choir of CORE
spondents will sing tire following as an appropri-
ate introductory hymn, dedicated 10 the Credit
MObilier martyrs:
From Hampshire. granite mountains,
Rou down big lends;
From many gay teeeiver
rb., ron e,iI IHsay ss y ,,sTsr SG2s ste'''nAn'
Their name from Hoax
Why SHOULD HE NOT BE MAD?''-The De-
troit Free Press relates incident which Oc-
CURED on the return Of excursion party from
that city. soon after the boat left Toledo, the
steward was approached by an excited individual,
who asked him IL he was the captain. The stew
ard replied in the negative, at the same time Civ
ing his rank - Have you the power to put n
man out of the cabin " inquired the stranger.
a. Well, yes, If be is disorderly, have" replied
the steward - Well sir, look in here and see
them, will you?" said the stranger, leading said
official round to the door. The steward looked in
upon the motley group, and replied that he
nothing out Of the way. =. You don't, eh
Don't You see a man there a-hugging woman ? -
's Well, yes" replied the steward, a. but what Of
that2 Hasn't a fellow 4 right TO embrace his
wife?'' % That's what / want you to run him
out for replied the stranger, dancing around