Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-01-03

But after al, Pm not to blame.
Hs snatched the kiss. l do think men
Are quite without all sense of shame.
wonder if he II come again
HumOr.
Mill dsws-wages of factory girls.
The last appeal shoemaker's strike.
Educated on a sound bass-The drummer.
Painters epitaph Pile died and made no
sign"
Whom does chair dislike you? When it can't
bear you.
An essay on mana woman's attempt to
marry him.
Ifyou want to know whether tree is hollow
Or not, az it.
The worst kind of educatien-to be brought
up by policeman.
When lady faints what figure does she need?
You must bring her 2.
A Wisconsin paper advsrtises for sale ia COW
that gives milk FIVE years old"
The rext great turf event-The race between
nightmare and q clOthes-horse
The sting of a bee carries conviction with it.
1t makes man believer at once.
It il hard to live without wifs-no gentle
heart to get up mornings to build the fire.
A drunkard is bad arguer, for the oftener he
comes to the pint the more incoherent he is.
No well regulated California family is without
hon fofo
A Missouri pedagogue wants $lo,o because
somebody called him ''no better than thief"
A Waterloo soldier in Vermont, aged ninety
Eve. lately mar ried and entered on his last cam
paign.
Woman ought to do all she can to make this
world paradise for men, as 1t was all her fault
he lost the other.
A disguised Danburian wants to know if
woman was designed to be the equal of man,
why it is she can't whistle.
There are a G God many bars to the success of
the Sunday law of Chicago-in fact about
twenty-five hundred of them
"Do you 60 in for the Maine Liquor Law ~
"Why, partly yes, and partly no. I 60 in for
the liquor but not for the law.''
Soyer, the celebrated cook, who died recently
ia England had his epitaph written by some
cockney, "Peace to his hashes.'
Spink's butcher says that his steaks can't be
beat. Mrs. Spinks says that she beats them half
an hour aad that is not enough.
A blacksmith in a Pennsylvania village, gives
notice that 'tno horses will DO shod here on Sun
day, except sickness and DEATH"
Boston competitors can't get through the
horse chicken disease safely under the name Of
pferhuhnrankheit. They make it pierhuhuA-
raukhsrit.
The married ladies Of Hannibal, Missouri
have formed ''Come Home Husband Club"
1t is about four feet long and has a brush
the end of it.
The little poetess who starts out "There is a
vail within my heart,' has excited the disgust
of her big boor of father who threatens to
whale it All out of her
'tBrudder Dean" said colored elder to his
white pastor, "cawnt ye preach once without
SIGH talk about lynn and stealin' an civ US one
day to real comfortin' religion ~
Keep sober and then you can talk straight. One
Of our druggists was quite surprised the other
day to hear fellow inquire if he had any of "Mrs
Soothlows Winsling SYRUP"
An old lady was admiring the beautiful pic
ture called 'tSaved." cts no wonder" said
she, ''that the poor child tainted after pulling
that great dog out of the water.
meddlesome man, who was watching his
wife bake pies short time since, stepped with
his bare foot on hot stove lid and then step
ped up in the air few paces and has now gone
west.
gentleman travelling in Ireland said to a
very importunats beggar, ''You have lost all
your teett :" The beggar quietly answered,
Gan it's time parted with UNI, when I'd moth
ing for UNI to do.''
Warned by the cold snap of the past week
people are preparing themselves for the winter,
and warmer sleeve buttons are in active de-
mand. 1t is easier to take care of the health
than til to recover it.
People who believe the current stories about
intelligent dogs will read with pleasure that s.
lost dog in Norfolk, Virginia, having seen its
master advertisement in one of the local prints
promptly went home.
Mr.. Hyde having married Miss Taller, and
the ''fatted calf" having been killed in their
honor, it gave editor chance to say that lit
was not the first time cattle had been killed for
the Hyde and Taller"
fWhy, Ichabod, thought you got married
more n year ago ?'' "Well, Aunt Jerusha, it
was talked Of, but l, found out that the girl and
all her folks were opposed to it, and so just
give EN- all the mitten and let the thing DROP
A physician, on presenting his bill to tho exc
eutor of the estate of deceased patient. asked,
''Do you wish to have nay bill sworn to ?"-
"No,' replied the executor; "the death of the
deeedeAt is sufficient evidence that you attended
him Professionally"
Some Des Moines girls lately tried to brighten
beautiful youth by placing an image of lady
in his bed and strewing the chamber with hoop
skirts false hair, and articles of linen. He hid
tho falsehsod under the barn, and the girls staid
at home from church next day.
Little Willie F., was recently presented toy
.rumpet, to which he became greatly attached
One night when he was about to be put to his
t'lttle bed" and was ready to say his prayers,
he handed the trumpet to his grandmother, say
ing, "Here grandma you blow while pray"