Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-03-19
is as hard as an old ram's Uranium

is rs hard as nm old rams Uranium.
You sfsfl<iiI
"Shct. up, Sam Jenkins! Don't
you never presume to address me
again. Here, take back this ring
you gave me. Aud here, here are
them bracelets, too; take them, aud
then tnkc Yourself of and never let
me sec you again. M s'sia s.f
Saying which, sho tore herself
away, bcstowins n contemptnous
look upon poor SAM. who stood
choking and swallowing, trying to
choke down his grief.
"Iwas goin' to Californy;; but lIll
be boxed up in a cage of wild rhi-
nocerosses if l do," he said, after
Illuminating upon the subject. "fve
got new idea that may possibly
work to charm on Nellic's vital con-
s.itution. There's nothin' so elec-
tive in touchin' the hearts. of the
wiinmin as ravin' and teariH' out the
outlandlsh nonsense. les kind Of
proceedin' as I don't like; my natur
goes agin it tarnally. I'd rather a
dam sight up and kick like dyin'
grasshopper than to plead and per-
laver like traveliu' colporteur."
And reasoning thus.l,e plOdtted on,
and soon came in sight of the farm
house Of Farmer Trafton, >;
"There's the domiciic," he said,
"what holds ut present one that can
make herself tae preserver.of va.-
liable life, or the voluntary execu-
tioner of chap that's feelin' about
as onsartin aud miserable as o troop
ioftropical monkeys in o northwest
snow Storm"
The window was open, and Sam
crept cautiously along, and took a
sly peep in at the easement.
"Thcre she is" he said, ."settin'
down in tho same old CHAIR, with her
knittin' work, maxim her little rosy
fingers fly, and punchin' the needles
into the yarn, n!i the time wishin'
she was pokin' them into my lacer-
atcd gizzard. wish was a grass
hopper! I'd jump in the winder
onto the floor, to her nose, I'd mat
my hinder legs into her nose like a
snappin' turtle does onto n yaller
dorg's tail, and if didn't draw out
a part of the surplus ;uciousness
that's lingcrin' round them juicy
lips afore let go, then you may
whip me all round the country with
a pizen ratt!e-snake, for whip lash
oh! can't stand it to think Of livin
without her! l should feel like q
} famishiu' camel oil the Sahara desert
There's her mother noddin' rs if tlt
Idrowsiuess OF the night was about tt
l wean her gently from the agertation
of the day. Yes, she's dropped t.
} sleep. Sleep! sleep, old lady-no
: your evcrlastin' sleep, but just n
: everlastin' as you can convenient.
, makeit. Now, I'll go and steal softl.
: i'll. and If Lean walks Nellie withou
aggertaiin' the sleepin' meditation
t of her mother, Pm as good as mar
e ricd.'
: He went round to the back of he
: chair, and bending over, he stole
C kiss from her tempting lips.
+ "Them kisses would wake a
IL Egyptian mummy from his silen
c slumbers and make him dance q breai
r down on a bald monkeys Uranium,
n he said, as he smacked his lips in sa
It isfaction.
II lie brushed her car with the stra'
n and Nellie awoke quickly, and reacl
'e ing forward, caught Sam by the hal
:. "Sam Jenkins" she exclaimed,
II "what does this indicated"
e. "The game is up!" he mIttercd: NJ
p heart feels just like kcrlapsed bile
;e I'm a wilted weed, broken stalk!
"Sam jenkins, do you want ME
T. marry you?"
It Sam jumped three feet into the al
Of "Now, Nellie, say that again!"'
in 81 will marry vou-"
go! you will! o! hollyhocks. o.
if Son one condition only" couti
e, ued Nellie.
"Onc. only one. Name it, Nelli
ne Maine it before hust!'
II. "That is, you take the foul blot c
q the namc of jenkins by a.throwi
Id that village chap, as you would
wilted toadstool."
id George Lester had prospered
at his wooing and preparations Il,
rt been going on for some time for h
rd iiiarriage with fair May Quito
They were at last completed. and
nc so Happened that on the very evenil
ey of Sans visit to Nallie the ceremol
a was to be performed at the bride
IN fathers. Sam knew this fact, al
.shs.at was why he started SO furious
er for FARMER buttons.
or AT the appointed hour the invit
SuCstS luu lllSiNSs tO-CthCi '" !
eo the happy pair were assembled
ID farm-housc.of Farmer Duttou.
nally the clergyman arose and sa
a "Wcll. my dear friends, shall '
;. proceed?"
- ave await your pleasure, sir" l
M piled George.
AS they were preparing for
- ceremony. Sam entered, followed
~ Nellie. The party stared in anna
mcnt at this unlock ed for inei'lnet
n &c, "This a gay asscnblage," said Sa
never needing their looks of as:c
ishmeut. "Gla,l to see you all! Ma
~ you look as purity as tulip. How
' % you do. parson?-healty, 1 no
~ How.do you do,everybcdy! How
nd you George? you are the person
,,t came to scrutinize."
"AIr. Jenkins!' exclaimed Gcor
~ "This is all intrusion, SIR"
inn "Sorry, George, but business
q a busines." .....-
"This is a wedding party, my g
:. fr;ard - said the clergyman.