The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1873-11-06
[From the Danbury News
That Hoop-Skirt.

We had visitor Saturday afternoon.
He was a square-built heavy man. When
he came in he took seat opposite us,
and after a preliminary examination of
our features, propounded the following
singular but rather important question
did you ever hear tell of woman leav-
ing hoop skirt on the floor in front of
the bed?" We thought over the subject
for moment, so as not to seem hasty in
our Judgment and briefly intimated that
we had not any knowledge of this pc
till last night" said he, "And SO you did
hear of it last night9' we asked. II
rayther think l did 1 rayther think l
did" he repeated. Then he pulled up
his pantaloon leg, disclosing a shin-bone
that looked as if it had passed the night
in smoke-house fighting flies, and a
bruise at the top that must have called
forth the liveliest expressions of wrath
when received. "Do you see that?' he
asked. As we were looking di-
rectly at it, there was possibility that
we saw it, and we answered in the affirm
ative "Well, young man" he explained,
"Ive got another one like that on my
back, and lump on the top Of my head,
and the gol darndest shaking up gener-
ally you ever saw" He paused moment
to re-adjust his pantaloon leg, and then
continued: "Y ou see was taken little
bad in the night, with pain in my stom-
ach. l had been over to the fair, and
must have eat something that didn't
agree with me- | guess it was about
three o'clock in the mornin' when L be-
gun to feel the gripin'. l thought at
first I'd lay still, an it might pass over; /;
but it kept Citing worse, an finally /
got up to look for the camfre. 1t was
darker than blazes, a favorite and per-
tinent simile with the masses.-ED., an
l had to hitch round kinder carefully for
a match. l expect l got on the wrong
side of the bed in the dark, for the first
thing l knowd one of my feet catched in
something, and kinder pitched me ahead,
then the other foot catched, and pulled
me up again, an then both legs got
tangled up in the internal hoops, for it
was the old woman's hoop skirt, an some
of the ribs got atween my toes, and
smarted like thunder. an when l under
took to move one way it would pull me
back another, and finally it got catched
on to cheer, an l suddenly went over
to wunst, the cheer too, an / struck my
arm across the foot-board of the bed, an
liked to have wrenched my shoulder OFF,
and that threw me to one side kinder
an l come plump with the top of my
head again the mantle, and jest made
every timber in that house shake as if q
thunder-bolt had struck it. It's a great
wonder it hadn't killed me; as it was, it
set the old woman to screamin' like a
stuck pig, an for two or three minutes it
made me dreadful sick an dissatisfied
You can bet that when l got on my feet
/ made short work of that hoop skirt
1t amt hardly worth mentionin' in the
paper, l don't suppose, but 1 thought it
might be a good thing to just warn the
women against leavin' hoop-skirts on the
floor nights, an putin peoples life in
danger, you know. Here he stopped,
and leaning back in his chair with sigh
of relief from an oppressive duty per-
formed, eyed us for moment with con-
siderable and rather uncalled-for an xiety.
Then rising and replacing his hat with
another sigh, asked us if we had engaged
our potatoes for the winter, and finding
that we had, and there was no proba-
bility within the hope of earthly compre-
hension that we, should need any pot
house cheese, he sighed once more and
took his leave.