Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1873-04-11
The interviewer.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

| pity the poor Interviewer, he IL, not
alwus a bad phellow at heart, but hiz trade
liz a mean one, and the Dizziness haz spite
him.
would rather lead blind mule on the
tow-path for a living, or retail soft kams
| from ricketty Wagon, than tew be an IN
terviewer, and worry people with ques-
tions they wuz afrade tew answer ana 100
vain tew refuse.
The interviewer is human hosstrich,
feeding on ennything he kan find, and
digesting eazy emmy thing he can swallo.
He il kind ov cultivated hyena, and
makes ye shudder to think, that at emmy
moment he may turn wild, and begin to
hunt for human beetstake.
He haz just branes enutf tew keep hiz
impudence aktiv and tho he has but little
malice, he will hunt yu sharper, and worry
WI wuss, than canal-boat bedbug.
He IL like ritch cheeze, chuck phull ov
| little things,
Thare IL no eskaping this breed oy krit-
tiers if yu run they will overtake yu, If yu
steal into yure hole they will either dig for
yu, or stand around on the outside till yu
cum out.
They are wuss than flea tew long
haired dog. ~
Interviewers are a cross between the old
fashioned quid nunk and the modern Buz-
yer, and are pesky improvement on both.
Death itself'is no eskape from the Inter-
viewer, for they will hang around the de-
parture tin they git an item, and then go
for the widow. -raa'
The interviewer would rather tell the
truth if he kan, but aint discouraged if he
IL forced 10 tell what aint So.
They are az dangerous tew admit into
yure kontidence az a pickpocket H. not
bekause they will take emmy spoons, but
bekause yu are haff afraid they will
Modesty would ruin an Interviewer, del
lRacy would unfit him for bizZness, he
kan even thrive without being honest, and
tew make him an adept in his calling, he
don't require emmy more tenderness than
an undertaken duz.
Yu kan git rid oy hornet by brakeing
his mex, yu kan outrun blak snaik, and
kan hide from the sheriff, but the Inter
viewer, like the cursid muskeeter in the
dark, hovers around yu, and if he don't
| blight, he sings, which IL the wustest ov
the two. s..r .-..-t
hav bin lit onto by the Interviewer
miself, and hav answered his questions, az
honest as ever child did the katekism,
and the next day read the dialogue in the
morning paper, and it wuz all az new. tew
tu me az Old Probabilitiz log Of the
weather ..s sy-arE-
Don't never tell any sekrets tew an In
terviwer; he will open them az they open
oysters in the market, and retail them on
the haff shell. seAN
treat all interviewers politely; when
they begin tew bait me, ask them tew
smoke Il never knu one to refuseh and
when they press me too clussly then be-
gin tew whissell ~ 49, lrr~
am an awful poor whistler emmy how.
do really pity the poor Interviewer;
he works for hiz bread like emmy other
skribbler, and for what 1 kno, hates the
bizzness, but | am sad when ] say, that If
he il good at interviewing, he IL too i'm
pudent tew be good for emmy thing else.
Sum people luv tew be interviewed, and
must say, these kind Of pholks never
reach the dignity ov impudence; they are
simply disgusting.
Yu kant git journeyman Interviewer
tew waste emmy time on such stale goods
he would az soon think ov interviewing
last years birds nest or kuntry gide-
board. -...-t
Thare il no kure for reglar Interview
er; he thirsts for the game like fox
hound on the trak he livs upon plumber,
and would rather be sent up for 30 daze
than TO see hiz collum in the morning
Gaszette without a trophy.--N. y. Weekly.