The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1873-10-23
cR1Mps Ann MArRrMoNY.


bztchelors and old maids werenot elected
to multiply and replenish- the earth and
bring up the children; and it is evident
that the world suffers quite as aeutely
because the women mostly involved in
/ matrimony are not unmarried ladies.
Every little while there cometh forth
one whose fan is in her hand, and who
thoroughly makes wives sea-sick with
her wise counsel, like spples of gold in
pictures of pot-metal. Just now it is
Gail Hamilton, holding forth like an
oracle on ''Crimps" in married life, as
if her own head, bristling with slate
/ pencils and hedged about with hair-pins.
had nestle ed for century on the soothing
front of complaeent night-shirt.
! . Gail, answer What is the use of
making porcupines of ourselves for
crinps when frizzes can be bought Tor
eighty cents a yard? Hast thou not
seen, and dost thou not know, that a
thing of beauty is a Joy SO long as it is
beautiful and that man seeth his face
in smoked glass and straightway
| forgetteth what manner of man ne is /?
How much more then, o ye of little
wit, shall he forget what manner of
'1oyal, loving, brave, intelligent, sympa-
thetic" woman she is, who cometh forth
.as. a sunfower every day, in all the
glory 'wherewithal her fine arts have
embellished her." when during the
longer hours given to the t'elose comnu-
Mon" of home and hearth, the "pro-
cesses by which she goes forth conquer
ing and to conquer" convert her into
miscellaneous muck-heap of bread-
and-milk, wire, timber, tar, slate, glye-
crime, egg, honey, asafoetida, and
small parcels of every other conceivable
commodity that would be considered
necessary to start anew city ona frontier.
Can any degree of softness in a fair hand
"idealize" out of q mans head the
poulticed fists that have lain by his
side all night like a pair of pud-
ding bags? or ever so elaborate a smile
snuff out the impression of a face
smeared with things that are mys-
terious to him, and head more
formidable than a nightmare with seven
teen horns crowned with a dismantled
umbarella? Nay, verify; and If the
woman who developes from such drag
on into a catastrophe that resembles a
"rag-bag overtaken by a hurricane,
with face like hair dresser's dummy,
and head like panic-seized old Dutch
broom is ''Eesh surprise to him every
morning" she is a no less fresh terror
every night.
But this is a wicked and perverse
generation, and there are men, whether
in their senses or out of their senses I
don't know, but apparently in the natu-
raj state of the sex. who suffer things
that are not to bring to naught things
that arc, setting nAanufaotured eE1ssr.lAs
before the ordinary natural grace of the
female countenance, and preferring wo-
men who are fearfully and wonderfully
constructed to the home made article,
however "tender, true, devoted, and
wise" Wherefore, o Gail, there are
many among us pricked to the heart,
and they all cry out, What shall we do
to be saved? For surely no woman
ever made herself beloved, or even rich
or famous by experimenting the wash
ing of pots and pulling down of cob
webs, or even manipulating children;
for all these things do harden the palm
and wrinkle the visage; which things are
not seemly among us. Neither do the
Maries who sit at the feet of the law
givers and learn the cares of state and
the deceitfulness of politics reap aught
but spectacles and a forlorn wisp of
back hair. But it is those who toll not,
neither spin, but eclipse Solomon in his
glory who appropriate if not the better
part, at least the very softest spot in
this world, with the largest half of that
piece which passeth all understanding,
commonly called mans heart.
Then why this pleasing hope, &c,
this longing after utility? Let US lay
down the ballot and the broom, and
gird on hood, and caul, and wimple, and
with paint-pot in one hand and curling
tongs in the other, go forth tothe taking
of the principalities and powers. Rather,
dove not know, hatinstead of "holding
our own in spite of these little meehan-
isms, every mothers daughter of us
would probably have to "hold some
other woman's ''own" or rise superior
70 the trash that men call love, and can
vas her own balloonf For after all
these things do the women seek whose
] foot low hold Io1I IrrA rr-h Il.
/ go for our husbands pockets. And in
this they have the advantage of US mo-
ments in which to snore unsupported;
hours of seclusion from the masculine
/ eye, when they may rejoice in all the
| hideousness that contributes to those
arguments of person which constitute
their stock in trade, and without which
/ they would suffer for provender.
Therefore, if in these things only We
have hope, wives are Of all women
most miserable; seeing that they demor-
alize us while they pander to that taste
in man which is already burden to US,
and make matrimony of no account.
/ Let us then rise to the occasion and be-
come both useful and ornamental; seek
/ ing our lords interest while not neg
Iecting his pleasure; keeping our houses
/ IN order with our own hands if neces-
sary, protecting them with gloves and
avoiding poultices which are unseemly;
eschexing slate-pencils and things that
bring sorrow to the scalp, and artfulIy
weaving plenty Of ''boughtesa" hair into
our own tresses; and by setting excel
lent hash with gushing eheerfu1ness and
/ all the virtue and wisdom and astuteness
combined IN webster's Unabridged
I against the smiles that have speculation
in them, and against cbarlatan arts and
1 rouges that lovely economy which
works over old clothes into miracles
that make millineTs and dress-makers
blush, aud leaves a fellow a nice little
margin for boqueis. cigarettes, and :. in
( cidentaIs;' and finally, by evading those
]