The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1873-07-03
Buck Fanshaw's S Funeral
Or. Life and Death in Neva


There was a great time over Bucl
Fanshaw when he died. He was
representative citizen. He had ''kill
ed his maj" not in his own quarrel
but in the defense of stranger bese
by numbers. He had kept sump
tuous saloon. He had been the pro
prietor of dashing helplneet, whom
he could have discarded without tht
formality of divorce, He had held
a high position in the fire department.
and been very Warwick IN politics
When he died there was a great la
mentation throughout the town, but
ESPECIALLY in the vast bottom stratum
of society.
On the inquest it was shown that
Buck Fanshaw, in the delirium of q
wasting typhoid fever, had taken arse
mic, shot himself through the body, cut
his throat,and jumped out OF a afour-st
ry window and broken his neck, and
after due deliberation, the jury, sad
and fearful, but with intelligence un-
blinded by its sorrow, brought in a
verdict Of death ''by the visitation of
God. What could the world do
without juries? T
Prodigious preparations were made
for the funeral. al the vehicles in
the town were hired, all the municip-
al and-fre company flags were hung
at halfmast, and all the fremen or
dered to muster in uniform and bring
the machines draped in black.
Regretful resolutions were passed
and various committees appointed;
among others,a committee of one was
appointed to call on minister
fragile, gentle, spiritual new fedgling
from an eastern theological seminary,
and yet unacquainted with the ways
of the mines. The committee man,
"Scotty" Briggs, made his visit.
Being admitted to his presence, he
sat down before the clergyman, plac-
ed his fire hat on all unfinished man
uscript sermon under the minister's
nose, took from it a red handkerchief,
xipedzhissbrowy and heaeea a sigh of
dismal impressiyepess explanatory of
his business. He choked and even
shed tears, but with an effort he mas
tered his voice, and said, in lugubri-
GUS tones:
"Are you the duck that runs the
gospel-mill next door,"
Il am the-pardon me, I believe 1
do not understand"
With another sigh and half sob,
Scotty rejoined:
"Why, you see, we are in bit of
trouble, and The boys thought maybe
you'd ggiiYe ggiiYe us Lift, ifwe'd tackle you,
that is, if I've got the right of it, and
you are the mead clerk of the doxolo-
gy .workshex6 dbor%H Cf5A. ~ !
81 am the shepherdin charge of the
flock whose fold is next door"
"The which?"
''The spiritual adviser of the little
company of believers whose sanctuary
adjoins these premises" ="
Scotty scratched his head, reflect |
ed moment, and then said:
''You rather hold over me, pard. I !
reckon I can't call that hand. Ante
and pass the buck"
"How? I beg your pardon. What
did I understand you to say?"
''Well, you've rather got the bulge
on me. Or maybe we've both got the
bulge, somehow. You don't smoke
me and I don't smoke you You see,
one of the boys has passed in his
checks, and we want to give him
a good send-of, and so the thing Tn
now on is to rout out somebody to
jerk little chin music for us, and
waltz him through handsome"
'My friend, I seem to grow more
and more bewildered. Your -obser-
vations are wholly incomprehensible
to me. Can not You simplify them
some way? At first I thought per-
haps I understood you, but now I
grope. Would it not expedite mat
ters if you restricted yourself to cate
gorical statements of fact, unincum- ]
bered with obstructing accumulations !
Of metaphor end allegory?"
Another pause and more reflection. {
Then Scotty said:
I'LL have to pass, 1 Judge"
'EHow?"
you've raised me out, pard"
Il still fail to catch your meaning"
"Why, that last lead of yourn is
too many for me-that's the idea. I
can't neither trump nor follow suit.
The clergyman sank back in his
chair perplexed. Scotty leaned his !
nead on his hand and gave himself up
TO reflection. Presently his face
came up, soTowful, but confident.
'Tve got it SOS you cavyy," said
ne. "What we want lisa gospel-sharp.
See?" a.aa {
"a what?" ...-- ..---~ l
"Gospel-sharp, parson." I
'Oh! Why didn't you say SO be- t
ore! L am Clergyman parson" {
"Now you talk! You see my blind, q
md straddle it like a man. Put it
Notwithstanding brawny paw, L
which closed over the minister's small e
land and gave it a shake indicative Il
If fraternal sympathy and fervent v
ratification. b
Now we're all right, pard. Let's f,
tart fresh. Don't you mind me Il
nuffiing little, becuz we're in a r