The Van Buren press., 1873-03-25


the fit is not on me now | should not
have come if it had been | have been
nearly starved once or twice, not daring
to leave my room. csa conquer my
madness now the question Is. how long
| can continue to do 80. feel that il Is
growing upon me. feel any power ot
resistance becoming weaker and weak
oI, the craving for blood getting strong
er and stronger, am like man who
has slipped over a precipice, and feels the
earth and shrubs to VIII ch he clingS slow
Iy, slowly, surely, surely, giving way WITH
him. | have brought wretched ours out
Of the street and killed them in my fren
~, in the hope to exhaust ii on them 1t
is no use, must have human life
Amy human life; | inquired, 'or
some one in particular
"'Why do Won ask this, Doctor he
cried, getting suddenly excited.
"'No matter; 90 on
Sometimes he resumed 1T seems
that any lie you'd do; aud sometimes
Doctor four days before ! saw you |
met upon u NsE jersey rcrrybeat, n
Young glrl. So pretty, 50 reGaed, and
nice | followed her to her home-the
de,i that has taken possession OF me,led
me Sho went in. and soon came out
and tended her Il lywrrs-poor child Doc
tor, if had had pistol with me should
have shot her Iou may smile; hut
some day soon shall take pistol on
purpose. and shoot her.
1t was clearly no use arguing with
him. The best way with such people is
to admit their facts and Try to work round
them.
",Then,' said l, 'the only thing yon
can do is to submit to the restriction Of
an as, lun, till ths feeling has past
"'It will not pass II were to go to
n mad house | should sham sane Sooner
or later their vigilance over me would be
relaxed Then ! should murder my
keeper, and 60 straight for that innocent
girl
".Then leave the county.
",Well. that would save her; but, doc
tor. one life is rs dear TO its holder as an
other If don't kill her. shall Kill
some one else
",My dear fellow replied, in MS light
a tone as ! could assume, these fancies
are curab'e Put yourself under skillfnl
nodical rcatment You are all TO bits,
Get sound in body, and
you'll get all right in your mind
"'On the contrary, am all to to bits,
as YOU say, mentally, and my body suf
fers through my mind Medical treat
mont have consulted every practitioner
Of note here and in Europe Some think
I'm fooing them, some look wise, and
talk rs YOU do about " treatment. All
have failed Doctors ase no use 10 me.
"'Thcm may ask why YOU have come
hcrcf'
"To ak your advice ss friend he
answered. drawing his chair nearer to ne,
and lowering his voice, TO ask ron one
question as friend and a God fearing
man, aud to which ! pray you to give ne
a plain yes or no
60 on
"Fceing as coel, shall I be justified
before God in taking ny own life? VIII
i be deadly sin for ire TO do for myself
what would do to mad dog?
81 repeat his words almost as he spoke
hem | cannot give YOU the lalutcst
dea of the SOLEMN delibsration with
which he put this awful question For
some moments | could not say word
Then started up and told him that ]
would not answer him yes or no-that 1t
.a, not fair to nsk me to take such re-
Then he rose too, and said
HAT he must resolve it for himself, and
| saw plainly which way it would g.
Give me till to morrow to think 1t out,
said, OBTAINING hiH.
"'To morrow NAV be too late, he re
plied The 1T may come upon me to
Night for all know
.'Comc home with me; I'm not afraid.
on won nurt me- | sad
81 would try very hard not TO do so
butt know myself ] cannot trdst
n,s If Doi't you trust me.
IL will trust YOU, but Il do more.
lou are not armed, | supposeT
rNo, he replied with shuddgr, mot
low.
"'Tll take care that YOU shall not be,
md I'll carry my derringer IN my pock
IT, On the first indication of homicldal
mana | give you my word Ill shoot
md I'll shoot straight / said this to
satisfy him poor fellow ! In his weak
state | could have laid him down liko a
,hid 1t did satisfy him, and we went
lome together. led him to talk Of our
Did soldering DAYS, and gradually got
,im back To his wound. / made him de
scribe the first sensations Of pain in his
read, and repeat all that his different
medical advisers had said. ] happened
o have a strong preparation Of hashcesh
~ me. gave him dose, and whilst
mder its influence carefully examined
iis head Now the head, you must
Know, does not iattGn or waste away in
proportion 10 other portions Of the body.
Still his had become mere skin and bone
md this state, perhaps, gave me an al.
iantags over others who had made the
same examination At last ! felt, or
hought felt, a faint twitching-a sort
IF abnormal ulsalion--ahout two inches
,bove the left ear. 1t might be merely
nervous, but it might be caused Gy the
lall.
IL then set my mind 10 work, and
huught the whole case over steadily In
he first place was that impulse 10 take
luman life, Of which my poor friend had
'poken, really uncomfortable. For ex
,mplc, suppose that one day he did take
pistol 'ou purpose and 60 to that