Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1873-01-04
NIISCELLANEOUS.
Ezekial Perkins Hat.


festive lawyer, Of the olden tins, by name
EzeklI Perkins, well to do bachelor, who
was always made welcome at social gatherings,
and was very popular. His weakness was to
great fonduess for wine. Now, Mr. Perkins
had a few peculiariies among them, he bad
an enormous head, his hats always having to
be made for him. Then, having got one to fit
his crapum, he took the very useless precau-
ton of putting label in the crown thereof,
reading Ezekiel Perkins, Counselor, aud At
torney-at- Law, Conn"
His peculiar social failing was, that at al
stag dinuer parties land to them he cottonsd
the most) he got--he got-well, thcr, IS no
Use shirkiug IT, he got rather intoxicated early
in the evening. lie, however bad the faculty
sf knowing when hr had got as much as he
could comfortably carry, aud knowing this,
to take his leave One evening Dir. Perkins
wended his way to one Of the best mansions
of H,lfud. He WAS ia full dinner dress
blue coat, with gilt buttons, white vest, with
black combinations. aud Spnl,t>s liuSn Light
ly he stepped along, his hat little to one side
swinging his cane, aud hunnniug an air as he
went lie was in high spirits, in view Of
spending an unusually pleasant eveting-en-
jnyiug the affair in anticipation; and how oiteG
does it exceed the reality Ilayng arrived,
aud deposited hi, hat among number Of 9TH
ers ou the ball table, he in due course sat down
t, diuuer.
Now. i,ker, knowing his head aud the pro-
per,iiy to indulge tno freely at these meets,
determined To ha,, bit Of fun at his expense.
5 .. during the time which occurred before din
urr wa, annouuced, he managed To take the
label out of Perkins hat, and fixed it in the
crown uf the smallest hat nn the table He
then retired aud awaited events The dinner
was ds Mr. Perkins expected, a prince affair /;
80 that, what with song, jest, wit. aud wine
he found himself, at the eni of a capital story
by his host, "A down To his bearings as n
sailor would say Rising from his chair Care
fully stra ying himself 10y the back, he no .ded
so,d-bye To the host Che could do no more J
AID cXpacialiug uu the good time he bad aud
the excellence of that last joke, he got out OF
the room with slight lurch only, aud
procerIcd To get hi, hat
"'Pon NE souli' he said as he cranod and
u,,oued over the table, hooking for his bat
"puu me soul that's the hest dinner was ever
a. Here re gave lurch bnt steAdied by the
waiter in attendance in the hall At last. az
r.r ,wlying a"tut Tor s,tn, time he detected
..i, label. aud pronnuncng rpon the hat con-
t,itiu. It, read aloud, " z-kcil Perkins, coun-
~lr un-hic-cpp-'tuucy.a-law, Hartford,
( c nrIycut. That, my hat"
Strengthening himself, he endeavorel to put
ou the article in his usual auuty style 1t
w,uilu't de-, He heut to it, tried both bands,
held it t. his head, fairly trying to force
MS head in, swayiug, rocking, stag
gcrng the while but wouIdut do. he wac
bot and stupifcd He cuuldu't understand it,
TmHna To- the waiter, whnse gravity had uear-
ly gwen away at the gyratrns, he said with
graf politeness. VIII you bIige NE 10y
rca In what's iu that hat?
" Certainly, sir, Ez~kiel Perkins, Counselor
aud Attoruey.ar-Ltw, Hartf1rt, Conn"
e. knew it knew 1t That's it-that j,
my hat" And Immediately began tie same
performance, but with more energy. After
,,me moments Of staggering, pressing, and
pulling, until he was once more at fever-heat
he again dlrrssrd the servant, with a still
more mysiifeI nir than before, but dstermi-
nation. as it were, to know the worst
/ beg pardon, Int will you be pleased t.
tell me who am ?"
" Certainly sir l know you perfectly well
Y..u are Mr. Ez-kiel Perkins Counsellor aud
l', rrey-a-L,w here in Hartford"
know i'll know i'll That's night
that, me, aud that's my bat; but my head.
',,st numerically swelled !"