Northern Ohio journal. [volume] (Painesville, Ohio) 1872-1896, 1873-11-29

.hore at Featherheau; with the SLOW
swinging of the tide up the sands, and
made my confession. l have only a
Tague recollection of what foiiowed--of
yoing up from the shore and through
he sedge grass, and that the earth SEEM
ID to have swooned away in the still
rapture of the moonlight. l have an
too. of gentleness and kind
ness on the rart or my companion-that
S all.
Nv aunt met as at the door. with some
pretty admoiIitions at our being out so
late. She was evidently primed for
" hat was to follow; but she soon dis
covered that whatever had transpired
oetwixt Mr.. Rennard and myself. it had
not ended as she had counted on, in
betrothal.
Mr.. Rennard went away almost imme-
liately, and his steps had hardly died
out on the ground walk, when my aunt
turned to me, saying, half fiercely.
'.Now, Honora Trumbull, what have
you been doing to that man Tonight"
/ stood right up. 1 think my eyes
must have blaZed out of a deadly white
face. and that stood there like a pale
sybil, while went over, word for word,
with all that had saidsto Mr.. Rennard
that night on the sea-shore. / see my
annt's fair, matronly face shaken out Of
all its weil-bred composure, as startled,
she listened to me. She must
have been horrified, yet she kept her
strained eyes fastened on me, without a
word, through all her ambition and
wisdom. something 1 said that
hight must have gone down into the
heart of the woman, or glanced past the
years to some memory of her youth. At
any rate, she only shook her head, and
with a touch Of real pity in her voice,
s'Poor Honora; you have made fool of
yonrself.o Not then, nor ever after
practical SORT. But 1 heard no more,
carrying myself off with these words,
with self-loathing clinging like a
whatever you may call it, progressed
swimmlngly. Every day Mr.. Rennard
and 1 went to drive on the sands, or up
among the pine hills, in his phaeton, be-
hind a pair of magnificent bays. He
was thoroughly practical nan, intelli-
gent and well Informed, rather prosy, it
is true, to a young woman in her twen-
ties, who had a practical side. Aunt
Madge frequently went with US. She
was altogether too well-bred a woman
to permit hint to peep out that she was
desirious of marrying pretty niece
handsomely off her hands-but her
graceful little feminine manevers and
management, really gave me new i'm
preston of her powers. Well, l tried
to make the best of my good luck. and
to persuade myself that was happy. 1t
was hard work at times, though. /
smiled, and danced and jested, and flirt-
ed, and did nv best with what woman g
arts had, with q dreadful disgust with
myself, with every body else, at bottom
of all. When this man should ask me
to be his wife. it would be my duty to
accept him for my own sake, for my
family's.
There were those fair young girls, and
those big boys at home rushing up at a
frightful rate toward adolescence; and
what a column of strength to the shak-
ing family fortunes the wealthy marri-
age of the eldest sister would bel The
handsome city home would open Sc
many avenues of enjoyment, beauty
luxury, to the cramped, stinted house.
hold. one or another Of whose members
would often be my guests. What 8
power. this mans money would be te
me.
There were times when the prospects
of our marriage took on in my thoughts
an aspect of genuine 'self-sacrifice, he.
roism: then again that old loathsome
idea of the market, and the shambles
and the highest bidder would come
over me with terrible force.
1t was a hard case for woman,
think, butGod knows mine was no soil
tary one. How many have been in my
plight before-how many there are now
in the world, how many to come after
and nobody pities them, Eecause Of the
gi1ded chains and the flowers, and tn,
piping. and the dancing, through al
| the sale.
Then, too, the prospects of this wealth
| had wonderful seductive side. M,
/ tastes were tyrannous things. l lovet
plenty of moods when they seemed t.
me the most desirable things in tn,
world, and hardly any price too great t.
/ pay for them.
Aunt Madge, too, always tempered
her talk with half patronizing con
tempt of romance and young girls fan
cies. She suspected that my tempera
ment had bearing to danger of thi
sort, and she must look out sharply, les
l come to wreck upon them; meanin,
| by that marrying poor man."
She was a sensible woman, and ther
was great deal of plansibility in thi
reasoning. "Dreams and ideals ar
very beautiful things, my DEAR" sh
would say, in that soft, smoothly poise'
voice. of hers. 81 know all about them
but they are not the solid substantial
things which are to stand the sterI
| wear and tear of life." She was hand
| some matron, that aunt of mine. use,
to look at her as she talked on in thi
fashion, and think of that ''solid sub
stantial," Uncle Jacob, with his chroni
gout. and hug myself with a kind q
desperate self congratulations, that MI
Rennard was an immense improvement
on him, at all events; for lie was goo
man, the best of him not being on tn
surface. But there were sterling quail
ties of honor and self-resDect whic
grew upon one with length of acquain
tance. Sometimes had an insupporta
bic sense of meanness and unworthi
ness before him, and l would half re
solve to brighten him away, by showin
him the worst side of myself. My wi
and humor, and people who ought I
know, said did not lack either quality
had 4 sharp glancing weapon of sa,
casm at command. l used it frequently
not sparing even my rich admirer. !.
tumult of aggressiveness and defianc
seemed to possess me. Aunt Made
was half::appalled, but she rounded o
the corners of her admonitions with
compliment, ''After all, Honora, yo
never looked go well as these day.
Really, spirit and pluck wonderful
become you." tried to be disagreeabl
: at times; perhaps l succeeded wit
everybody else, but failed with one ma
the one. too, at whom my hatefulnes
es were especially aimed.
How l used to wish / were a ma
those days. All, how many fate hun
ed woman has wished that. Then
could have gone out into the world an
4 fought and buffetted my way throug
with the bravest; but was woman
helpless and sensitive. My educatio
had been of that miscellaneous unavai
, ing sort, which serves well enough
society, but which can never turn
: account in the way of dollars and cent
! had no particular gift, either, in an
direction, unless it might be a remark.
Bile faculty of which circumstances ha
developed, Of transforming a wardrol
: of very slender material into "som'
: thing rich and strange" until, as som
? body once very prettily put it, 'ft seen
] ed as though the magic Of some wand
e classic or oriental fable had touched Il
g homely garments, and transfigurt
3 them into things of airy grace an
! beauty" But, however this artistic ii
7 stinct at my fingers ends had paid-il
side my own door it would not serve II