The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-01-16
The Lightning Rod Man.

He called in all his radiant beauty and in
imitable cheek. Unfortunately we were in a
healthy condition and he was not denied ad-
mittance. We knew at once that he was the
lightning rod man-and we groaned in antici-
patton of the coming affliction.
The editor?" he asked, with bow.
4No, the editor has just gone out to kill a
life insurance man"
.Well, can explain the matter to you.
Being man Of literary attainments, you un-
doubleday take al interest in science, which in
few years has covered the earth with rail
roads and telegraphs which has filled the riv-
ers with steamboats,, and the sea with floating
palaces, which has found means to defy the
| lightning of heaven"
1--WE take not the slightest interest in science.
We regard Robert Fulton as AN. iDpostor,
Stephenson as nuisance, Morse as an unmiti-
gated ruffian, and think that Benz janin Frank
| lin should have been tied to the tail of his
sown kite, and sent on voyage of discovery
among the thuiderbolts. He it was he who in
vented lightning rod men, the vilest wretches
that cucumber the earth. A law should be at
once passed giving every man in the communi-
ty the right to kill any lightning rod man on
sight or nail him to the chimney, and stick a
lightning rod down his throat, SO that the first
sportive .thunderbolt that comes that way
should annihilate him."
We were getting angry, but we are mild
spoken in our anger. lie now planted him
self in chair, as serene and calm as though
we had been calling him benefactor to the
human race. n
'You don't understand this lightning rod
it is the most recent invention, unlike any
thing before produced. 1t will yet take rank
with such inventions as printing, the steam en-
to1a ho will
revere the inventor as a benefactor second to
no man who has ever lived. The lightning
rod is for protecting the person, not dwelling.
1t is composition of India rubber, iron, and
chemical known only 10 the inventor. 1t is
to be wound around the body, and run from
the crown of the hat to the boot heel. Light
ming will have no power to harm the man who
wears it. The rod is also q protection against
violence. Aman in Nevada wore one of them.
I'm 4 drunken row he was shot at seventeen
times without being injured, a hatchet explo-
ded and killed the man in whose hands it was
when he attempted to strike the man who wore
the charmed lightning rod-that is the name
it BEARS He took voyage to San Francisco.
On the way the train on whicE he was travel
ing was pitched down a gorge 1900 in depth.
Everybody else on the train was killed, and
the cars and locomotive were dashed to pieces,
! and he walked to San francisco Without eXpe-
riencing the slightest Inconvenience. The
man who uses the charmed lightning rod can
not die by violence-it is doubtful, indeed, if
he will ever die, as no person who has pur-
chased one has yet died"
He would have continued, but we interrupt
ed him with
"You wear one of them?"
"I wouldn't be without one of Them for sums
untold; would sooner do without food or sleep"
"And would it be impossible to hurt you
while you wear 2"
GAS impossible as it would be for fly to eat
up the Rocky Mountains
i"Wil you wait for us q few moments, while
we give some necessary directions ?"
"Certainly," was his instant reply. "N1y en-
tire afternoon is at your service"
We went out and collected all the men en-
ployed in the building and told them the cir
cumstanccs, and each man armed himself at
once. None of them had ever killed a man,
and each was anxious to enjoy the luxury of
trying to do so. We got neighbor who owns
Russian bloodhound as big as Shetland
, pony, to bring him into the building. We
then marched double file into the editorial
! rooms. The man with the dog led the way.