The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1873-02-05
Tho LudicrOuS in Patents.

the patents, and more Of the applications
which is well worth investigation. WI
extract from the records Of the Paten
Office an account OF some Of these tha
show more genius than common sense
and have produced more laughter thai
profit:
In 1870, the owner OF certain bee hives
irrltated by the loss Of his honey by tht
bee moth, asked for patent for com
biued hen roost and bee hive. BE haC
noticed that the bee moth travels a
night, while the busy bee works by day
His desire, therefore, was Tor a device
that should admit the worker by day, and
keep out the thief by night. This his Ia
genuity effected by the erection Of her
FooSt pivoIed upon bee hive provided
with gates. The bees were expected tc
be in their cells just before dusk; the
hens, lighting on their roosts, were then
10 close the gates of the hive, and keep
them shut ali night. The early rising ol
the fowls would automatically open the
gates again, and return the bees-theiE
| honey all saie-to the airs OF heaven and
the flowers OF earth. He received his
patent.
Another applicant asked for patent
right Tor an artificial moon, that should
light each town that used it without ex'
pense. His eye had often been struck by
the reflection of distant windows at sun.
set, and how lar tho light travelled. He
therefore proposed balloon for each
town, sufficiently large to raise huge re-.
flector that was to be hoiSted every eve.
ming at dusk (about the time the hens had
shut in the becs). The reflection Of tho
suns rays, cast downward upon the vii
lagO, was sure 10 light it through all the
darkness OF night. Fortunately for him
sell, this inventor presented his applicR.
ton through patent attorney, who told
him 1t was doubtful II 1t could be OBJ
tanned.
In the fall Of 1871, gentleman, prob
ably from California, applied for and re.
ceived u patent for building houses on
wheels or rollers, so that, In case Of earth
quakes, they might roll forward or back
ward, but not be shaken to pieces.
Only three years have passed away
since very ingenious gentleman from
the rural districts applied Tor patent to
prevent cows from switching their tails I!
lie presented two model, ,-one shaped
like a bottle, around the neck OF which
the cows tail was to be curled; the other
consisted Of a square block, with hole
through the centre, wherein the tail was
to be put, and tied In a knot, so that the
animal could not withdraw 1t. On the
presentation Of the application the official
examiner thought it could not be granted,
because Of similar device in "Don Quiz
ote," wkere Sancho Panza, trying to sleep
in the hsy-loft, was kept awake by the
braying OF his donkey below. His wake
fulness gave SanchO time 10 reflect, that,
when riding the donkey, the animal al.
ways switched his tail when he brayeG.
Descending hastily from the hay.loft, the
squire tied block to the donkey's tail to
prevent him from braying. But as this
device originated with Spaniard, and
had never been repeated In this country,
the office decided TO grant the patent.
Our readers will, therefore, remember
that they cannot tie cows tail to prevent
its switching without payment OF royal
ty to the owner OF this privilege.
Another gentlemen applied for patent
ior heating canals by steam, 80 that boat
ing could 70 on In winter as well as In
summer. Tho Office decided that this In.
vention was worthy Of protection, and
gave him his patent.
Another applied for combination Of
clock and bed, so ingeniously contrived
that, when the clock struck, the bottom
of the bed dropped out. He claimed that
this plan would probably awaken the
sleepers.
Speaking Of the combinations, he must
have come from Missouri or Kansas, who
asked for a patent for combination OF
cannon and plow. For this purpose he
filed three applications, making the elon-
gated handles of the plow hollow, 80 as
10 form two cannon. These were to be
kept loaded until the guerrillas were after
him; the cannon were then to be fired,
the guerrillas shot down, and the farmer
TO go on his way rejoicing.
And he, too, must have come from the
borders who asked for patent Of COM
blnatlon of trunk and house. The trunk
was made with triple sides, moving up
and down. Doing duty all day in guard
ing clothes, when night came on, and no
cabin near, the triple walls elevated into
one, and the benighted traveller safely
housed.
Another asked for a patent ior the in.
ventiou Of the generation Of steam by
boring a hole In the ground until he reach
ed the waters that are boiled by the In.
ternal fires Of earth. de set forth, among
the advantages Of his plan, that there
would be no danger OF explosions, no ex'
peuse for fuel, no necessity Of engineers
all of which statements are undoubtedly
trne.
1t must have been q relative Of the last
gentleman, and one equally acquainted
with the laws that govern the hidden
heart OF this planet, who applied Tor q
patent for boring the earth for artesian
wells for purposes Of irrigation. He
gravely set forth that he had made the
discovery that quicksilver was heavier
than common earth. He therefore pro-
posed to start q hole, and to empty into it
little mercury. By the laws Of Nature,
that mercury would DO sure to work Its
way downward till it struck water, and
the water would then be sure TO work its
way upward till 1t struck air,
Should 1t be said that such patents as
this last; as that for the prevention Of
cows switching their tails, for artificial
moons, for plows doing the work Of can
non, etc, must be jokes, we can only re-
ply that shrcwd Yankees arc not wont to
pay IS even tor practical jokes, and that
none Of these designs have eliminated
into patents under less than that sum, and
when attorneys were employed, under
double and quadruple that sum.-W Z.
Hooper in AppletoH'S Journal.
PERsoNAL.-Mr. Hobson, the most
prominent capitalist Of Wheeling, West
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