Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1873-01-03


THE epizootic has got among the cats
in BoOnville, Ind.
"WHERE shall I settle?" writes young
man. Settle at the office.-Fdt ContribH-
tors Saturday Night.
THE st. Louis Knights of st. Patrick
are to erect a $4,000 monument to
Daniel O'Connell.
THE latest sensation in Mount Pleasant,
Iowa, is the milkman going about the
streets with heated stove in his wagon.
Mr.. JUNIPER says he doesn't like to
commit himself to "picked.up dinner"
unless he knows where it was "picked-up"
from.
DARwIN's health has been very poor of
late. All the balloons in the Central
Park, New York, are also in poor health.
THE Mexican Congress is not opposed
to railroads, but railroads must promise
not to compete with mules IN carrying
freights. e.t.~.. -t..
WHY is henpecked husband like an
opera hat? Because he's very big when
he's out, but Immediately shuts up when
he gets home.
A LITERARY gentleman, who believes
in quiet life, is looking for dentist to
whom he may intrust the duty of ex-
tracing the organ grinders of the city.
In Colorado, when lady wears dia-
mond jewelry to any extent, she is allud-
ed to by the local gusher as being we'll
"salted."
THERE is one pleasant reflection on
going to bed in Titusville after poor
supper. The chances are that the hotel
will burn up before breakfast.
THE Peoria Remeao judges from the
amount of bad poetry that is sent to it
that an impression is abroad that it has
offered prize for the worst poem on au-
tumn.
THE happy pair at an Allegan tin we'd
ding were the recipients of a multitude
of such useful articles as tin corsets, tin
bustles, tin overcoats, tin bOnnets, tin
overshoes, etc., etc.
The Legislature of Vermont has, in
imitation of that of Minnesota, passed an
act Furnishing by fine any pointing of fire.
arms at person in play, adding an i'm.
prisonment of two " ars when any injury
results from the folly.
A LITTLE girl was one day reading the
history of England with her governess,
and coming to the statement that Henry
l. never laughed after the death of his
son, she looked up and said: "What did
ne 90 Wnen ne was tlCKleQ?'
WHEN q Cincinnati editor gets up an
item of news, even by accident, the pro-
prietors present him with a magnificent
I residence. Cincinnati editors all live in
rented houses.-&. Louis Globe.
THE editor of Southern paper wants
to know eff the man who sent him chal-
lenge to fight duel means business" or
whether CHS buzzard soul laughs at the
CHASTITY joke"
In speaking of the local debating So
ciety, a paper says: "Our village
debating clubs are in full blast, and ques-
tons that have engrossed the intellectual
functions of sages ever since the flood are
being decided at the rate of two week"
A PITTSBURGH paper wants a real prin-
ter's monument erected to Horace Gree
ley, to be cast from WORKOUT type, which
newspaper offices from all over the coun-
try can contribute, and be mounted on
granite base.
THE old song has been changed to suit
the season:
Mother, may go out to skate?"'
Is Yes, my dearest daughter;
But come back home at half.past eight,
And don't go into the water.''
81 JUDGE SMITH, after he was seventy,
married wife considerably his junior
One day, soon after the ceremony, he was
riding with her, and on coming to hill,
she bantered him with the remark
Judge, my father always used to walk
the Judge.
AN absent-minded gentleman. writing a
letter at the breakfast table, dipped his
pen his coffee and continued his letter.
Noticing his mistake, he put a lump of
sugar in the ink, and then finding his
second blunder, poured the contents of
the ink-stank into the coffee pot to set it
right.
THAT was good, though rather
severe pun, which was made by student
in one of our theological seminaries land
he was not one of the brightest of his
class, either) when he asked, "Why is
Professor - the greatest revivalist of
the age ?" and, On all "giving it up"
s said, ssBecause st the close of every SER
mon there is a Great Awakening"
A WAC went to the station at one of the
railroads, one evening, and, finding the
best car full, said in loud voice: "Why,
this car isn't going"s Of course this
Gagged general stampede, and the wag
took the best seat. In the midst of the
Indignation the wag was asked: "Why
did you say this car wasn't going %
"Well. it vast them" said the wag,
shut it is now.'