River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-01-10
Wit and HumOr.


A REVENUE assessor in Ohio. asking
the usual questions, inquired: did
Your wife have any income last wear Z"
eyes, sir, replied the assessed, "both
girls.
=" Is molasses good for cough 2" in
qulred Jones, who had a slight cold,
and was barking with considerable en-
ergy. " 1t ought to be, said Brown,
cit is sold for consumption.
"CoME, don't be timld,n said a
couple of snobs to two mechanics:
"sit down and make yourselves our
equals. TO do that we should have
to blow our brains out, v replied one of
the mechanics.
1" DO you think it safe, my dear"
said husband to his wife, ''for me
to take off flannel when it looks like
spring 2" Perhaps So" replied the
wife, but / never saw flannel that
looks like spring.
THAT was very tender-hearted man
who, on being told that his wife, who
had left the house only an hour before,
was drowned, and that her body was
found mile or so below, said "She
must have tloated down quite lively -
A LITTLE girl came INTO one of our
shoe stores the other day 10 take shoes
home for her mother to select from,
What number does your motherwear,
sissy" asked the merchant. "She told
me to bring some half-past fours,"
replied the little girl.
HERE is good business-li like epitaph:
Here lies Jane Smith, wife of Thomas
Smith, marble cutter. This monument
was erected by her husband as a trib-
ute to her memory and specimen of
his work. Monuments of the same
style, $3.50"
UNCLE Il. "Now, Sammy, tell me,
have you read the beautiful story of
Joseph2" Sam. ooh yes, uncle"
Uncle. "Well, then, what wrong did
they do when they sold their brother 2"
Sam, "They sold him too cheap uncle,
/ think"
A LITTLE boy asked Dr. Burgess, the
preacher, if he would have a light.
No, my child, said the doctor, 81
am one of the lights of the world" 81
wish then" replied the boy, "you were
hung at the end of the alley, for it is
very dark one"
A LITTLE BOY, attending the Episco-
pal Church for the first time innocently
whispered to his mother as the rector
appeared in his white robe, "Does he
put that on to look like the Holy
Ghost 2"
A LITTLE four-year- old, of Bristol,
went to Providence, the other day, and
in the depot was accosted by Quaker
lady, who asked, Glow old art thou,
little girlg" She looked up in the face
of the Quakeress, and replied, "rm
not art thou Tn little Jennie"
"GENTLEMEN, where do you think
that beefsteak comes FRONT" said the
landlord, planting his thumbs in his
waistcoat arm holes. From near the
horns," was the quiet reply of one of
the boarders. 1t is singular, but that
landlord has not put any conundrums
to those boarders since.
GENTLEMEN, where do You think
that beefsteak comes from +" said the
landlord, planting his thumb in his
waistcoat arm-holes. " From near the
horns, was the quick reply of one of
the boarders. 1t is singular, but that
landlord has not put any conundrums
to those boarders since.
A YOUNG lady school teacher, of
Frederick City, Nd, was endeavoring
to impress upon herpupils the terrible
effect of the punishment of Nebuchad-
nezzar. She told them that for seven
years he ate grass like COW. just
then small boy asked: "Did he give
milk"
pupils a Yankee and a Dutch boy.
Both were learning photography. The
schoolmaster required the Yankee to
spell his own name He performed it
thus "Big a, little a-r-o-n." The
Dutch boy took the hint from this, and
answered to a similar response: "Big
Hans, little Hans, o N"
sis my face dirty 4" asked a young
lady from the back woods, on a steam
boat running from Cairo to New Orleans.
"Dirty No. Why did you ask :"
Because that insulting waiter insists
upon putting towel beside my plate.
I've thrown three under the table and
every time he comes around he puts
another one before me-"
SOME drlmmers on n train in Port.
land recently wished TO open whisky
bottle they had with them, but had no
corkscrew. "rll get one" said one of
the number; and rising, he called out,
sis there a gentleman from Portland
on the train?" A gentleman respond
ed. "Will you lend me your cork
screw2n said the drummer The cork
screw was forthcoming.
A BEGGAR asked for a piece of bread
and butter at house the other day,
and on a couple Of slices being offered