The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1873-10-31
Asking for Money.


ers have ever known once said TO me
that, whenever her daughters should be
married, she should stipulate in their
behalf with their husbands for regu-
lar sum of money to be paid them, at
certain intervals, for their personal ex-
penditures. Whether this sum was to
be larger or smaller was n matter of sec
ondary importance-that must depend
on the income and the style Of living
but the essential thing was that it
should come TO the wife regularly, so
that she should no more have to make a
special request for il than her husband
would have to ask her for n dinner.
This lady's own husband was, ne hap
pened to know, of a most generous dis
position, was devotedly attached to her,
and denied her nothing. She herself
was q most accurate and careful mana
ger. There was everything i'm the
household TO make the financial ar
rangements dow smoothly. Yet she
said to me, 81 suppose no man can pos
sibly understand how a sensitive woman
shrinks from asking for money. IL I
can prevent it, my daughters shall
never have to ask for it. IL they do
their duty as wives and mothers they
have a right to their share of the Joint
income, within reasonable limits; for,
certainly, no money could buy the SER
vices they render. Moreover, they have
right to a share in determining what
those reasonable limits are"
Now il so happened that | had my
self gone through an experience which
enabled me perfectly to comprehend this
feeling. In early life | was for time
in the employ of kind friend who paid
me a fair salary, but at no definite pc
riOds; / was at liberty to ask him for
money whenever / needed it, This
seemed TO me, in advance, a most agree
able arrangement; but | found it quite
otherwise. 1t proved to be very disa-
greeable to ask for money-it made ey-
cry dollar seem a special favor; it
brought up all kinds of misgivings, as
to whether he could spare it without in
convenience, whether lac really thought
my services worth it, and so on. My
employer was thoroughly upright and
noble man and was much attached to
him. / do not know that he ever re-
fused or demurred when | asked for
money. The annoyance was simply in
the process OF asking, and this became
so great that often underwent serious
inconvenience rather than ask. Final
ly, at the years end, ! surprised my
friend very much by saying that
would accept, If necessary, lower sal
ary, on condition that il should be paid
on regular days, and as a matter of bus
mess. The wish was at once granted,
without the reduction and my en-
ployer probably never knew what q re-
lief it was to me.
Now il young man is liable to feel
this pride and reluctance toward a mere
employer, il is easy to understand how
many women may feel the same even
in regard to q husband. And | fancy
that those who feel it most are often the
most conscientious and high-minded
women. 1t is unreasonable to say of
such persons, ''TOo sensitivei Too fas-
tidiousv For il is this very quality of
finer sensitiveness which men affect to
prize in a woman and wish TO protect at
all hazards. The very fact that q hus-
band is generous; the very fact that his
income is limited-these may bring in
conscience aud gratitude 10 increase the
restraining influence of pride, and make
the wife less willing to ask money OF
such a husband than if he were n rich
man or mean one. The only dignified
position i'm which a man can place his
wife is to treat her at least rs well as he
would treat house-keeper and give her
the comfort of n perfectly clear and def
mite arrangement rs to money matters.
She will not then be under the neces-
sity of nerving herself TO solicit from
him as a favor what she really needs
and has q right TO spend. Nor will she
be torturing herself, on the other side,
with the secret fear lest she has asked
too much and more than they can really
spare. She will, in short, be in the po-
sition of a woman aud Il wife, not of q
child or toy.
/ have carefully avoided using the
word allowance" in what have said;
| because that word seems to imply the
untrue and mean assumption that the
money is all the husbands, to give OF
withhold as he WILL Yet | have heard
this sort of talk from men who were
living on a wife's property or a wife's
earnings; from men such as keepers Oi
I boarding houses, who worked a little
while their wives worked hard-and
! from men, such as farmers, who worked
I hard and made their wives work harder
I Even in cases where the wife has no di-
| rect part in the money-making, the in
direct part she performs, il she take:
I faithful charge of her household, is SO
| essential, so beyond all compensation
in money, that it is an utter shame ant
| impertinence in the husband when he
speaks of ''giving" money TO his wife
as If it were an act Of favor. 1t is nc
more an act of favor than when the bus.
iness manager of a firm pays out money
! to the unseen partner who directs thC
/ indoor business or runs the machinery
\ Be the joint income more or less, the
wife has a claim TO her honorable share
and that as a matter Of right, without
| the daily ignominy of sending in peti
Z tion for tit W. HiggtaSOn.