The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1873-07-24
HUMOROUS.

doctors patients No. How do you
know he didn't? Because you always
find them under monument
A NEW terror is added to dreams as
the picnic season approaches. What
awful visions of piles Of ham-sandwiches
to be made, and legions of lost spoons
haunt the slumbers of women.
AMAN who fell into vat of boiling
lard and got ont alive, says it was not
an unpleasant sensation after the first
moment, but he thought what mighty
queer-shaped doughnut he would make.
A FASHIONABLE young lady accidently
dropped one of her false eyebrows in
her opera-box the other evening, and
greatly frightened her beau, who, on
seeing it, thought it was his mustache.
A YOUNG man who pridcd himself on
his mental qualifications, once speaking
of the advantages of these, remarked,
"What is better than good cduca-
tion ?" Common sense, You fool
you," quickly responded one of his
hearers.
A PORTLAND man was caught fishing
for trout on another mans land the
other day the owner demonstrated, but
retired in silence before the majestic
answer; "Who wants to catch your
trout? I'm only trying to drown this
worm"
Two little girls We're lately prattling
together, and one OF them said, "We
keep four servants, have got six horses,
and lots of carriages; now what have
you got ?" With quite as much pride,
the other answered, "We've got II
skunk under our barn."
A YOUNG lady teacher in n Lawrence
Sunday-school caught II boy smiling
last Sunday Said she: "What are
you smiling at, Johnny?' Nothing,
mum, - was the answer. 81 know bet
ter" said the teacher severely; "now
tell me what it was.' Johnny looked
frightened as he stutteringly said, 81
-I-s-see yer n-newspaper s-sticking
out num-" The teacher sat down sud
denly and arranged things.
THE WoopKoK. woodkok il ov
them kind ov birds who kan git up
from the ground with about ~ much
whizz, and about NJ biz2y NJ fire
cracker, and fly away as crooked NJ
korkscrew. They feed on low, wet
lands, and only eat the most delikate
things. They run their tungs down
into the soft earth, and gather tender
and tiny food They hay long, slen-
der bill, and rich brown plumage,
and when they light on the ground yu
loose sight ov them az quick NJ yu do
ov drop ov water when it falls into Il
mill-pond. The fust thing yu generally
see ov woedkok IL whizz, and the
last thing il a whirr. How SO many ov
them iz killed on the wing iz mystery
to me, for it IL II quicker job than
pennys oph n rcd-hot stove.
| hav shot at them often, but never
heard ov my killing one dN them yet.
They are one ov the game birds, and
menny good judges think they are the
most elegant vittles that wear feathers.
Josh Billings.
The PARTRIDGE. The partridge IL
also n game bird. Their game IL tew
drum on log in the spring ov the year,
and keep both eyes open, watching the
sportsmen.
Patridges are shot on the wing, and
are NJ easy to miss az ghost IL.
1t il phun enuff to see the old bird
hide her yung brood whom danger IL
near. This must be seen; it kant be
described and make emmy boldly believe
it.
The partridge, grouse, and pheasant
are cousins, and either one ov them
straddle gridiron natural enuff to hay
bin born thare.
Take couple ov yung patridges and
pot them down, and serve up with the
right kind ov chorus, and they beat the
ham sandwich yu buy on the Camden
and Amboy railroad S7t per cent.
I hav eat theze lamenatble Nh Jersey |
ham sandwich, and must say that pre-
fer couple ov bass-wood chips, soaked
in mustard-water, and stuck together
with Spaldings glue. e.--,Iosh Hllin9s.
NrcKEn.-Within the past three years,
more especially since the discovery OF
methods for electro-plating
with nickel, the, demand for this metal
has greatly increased, and its price has
advanced. 1t has risen from 81 to 8 70
per pound, and its expense has become
so great that substitute for it in the
art is now sought. A good substitute,
it is stated may be found in the metal
manganese. DIR. Percy, in letter to
the London Times, states that twenty
wears ago he made an alloy, in which
manganese was used in place OF nickel,
and the resemblance of the alloy to the
ordinary German silver was perfect.
Copper rs per cent, manganese 20 per
cent, makes an alloy resembling Ger
man silver, and better in its qualities.
The Champaign county Qll.) farmers