Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1873-12-19

give you five minutes of WISDOM
When you hear me say Z have done,
what you want to do is to get out OF
this as rapidly as possible"
And Abou significantly cooked a
ouble-barreled shot gun, and set it
down blandly within easy reach, and
drove on the cart of his discourse.
seTo accumulate money, my young
friend, is the easiest thing in the world.
All you have to do is to make dollar
a day, and spend only seventy-fve
cents. Any groveling worm in world
Ily dust puller and hauler of the
worldly muck rake who knows enough
to realize that one hundred cents make
a dollar, and who, at the same time, is
too Internally mean to spend any part
Of it, may become as rich as Cr@sus, if
he don't starve to death too soon. To
amass shekels all that is necessary is
to live like beggar, and write the
word grub in your hat, if indeed you
allow yourself the luxury of hat
You must, however, go through the
process of eliminating from your ma
ture everything in the shape of love,
charity, mercy, tenderness, iberality,
warmth, geniality, taste and all desire
for enjoyment Of any kind. 1 have
known men who had as much money
as they could use, who would deliber-
ately live away from their families ten
months in the year to make more
And this, too, when all the comfort
they ever had was with their families.
Money must fill the entire man, and
the accumulation thereof be sole pleas
ure and passion. Accomplish this and
you will find your money will grow as
fast as you desire it.
sBut goa will decrease. The love
of money is a tape-worm-it feeds on
the body that carries it. Your soul
will shrink, and shrivel, and fade till
you will have none of it whatever
You have seen a tumble-bug in your
native New Jersey, rolling ball of
dirt. It rolls and rolls till the ball is
bigger than the bug and it can't roll
any further, when it lies down and
dies by the side of its accumulation.
Precisely so, my rash friend, you will
roll up money till it gets too large to
manage, and you will lie down and
die by the side of il.
sThere are, of course, other ways of
accumulating. You might take re-
Yolyer and 60 on the highway; there
is forgery, pocket picking, getting into
Congress and voting yourself back pay,
and other modes, but being of good
family and expecting to have children
of your own, of course you wouldn't
think of doing anything of the kind.
"We now come to the second part of
the chunk of wisdom. What are you
going to do with your wealth when you
have it? Enjoy yourself, eh? Yes,
theyall sayso. But when your strength
is all gone, what have you got to enjoy
yourself with? Your table? What
good is French cook when your sto-
mach, used up by the labor of years,
won't allow you to eat? Society? What
good is society to a man who has been
educating himself for forty years in
nothing but stocks and merchandise?
Travel? They can't enjoy it month,
because what they see they do not COM
prehend. Probably the most touching
sight in nature is a venerable, gray
haired pork-packer at an opera or in
front of a picture. You see the effort
necessary to make money exhausts all
the faculties which you expect money
to cater for.
cit so happens, or rather it is wisely
ordered, that trouble is the twin bro
ther of every one of the pleasures that
money buys. Champagne tickles the
palate and locks we'll in glass, but
gout hides in every bubble. The smil-
| ing face of scarlet woman has an an
gePs look, but-well, get one tackled to
you and see what will happen. The
dinner of eleven courses makes a plea
SAINT show and goodly, but behind
the waiter stalks dyspepsia, grim and
terrible. Your money brings in all
you can't take half and leave half-it
goes all in one lot.
''Then what is it worth, anyhow!
The inexpensive but thirst-quenching
beer curls as beautifully DER the beak-
er's brim as the costly champagne, and
is, after all, as good, if you only think
so. The mysterious hash, favored with
the long reaching onion is as appetiz-
ing as the pate de .foie gras, the one
costing a shilling and the other ten
dollars. The kabob of vaal, which in
Ispahan can be had for kopack, is as
toothsome as the pilau of lamb, fol
which the true believer shells out g
dirhenl. One thing, my infant, is az
good as another thing, and doubtless
better. Were the water worth 81 sc
per bottle, with a fee to the waiter, the
men of wealth would all be smackine
their lips over water. Whiskey raspI
our interiors as effectually as brandy
the one is within the reach of the hum
blest purse, the other is so many dQeats
per gallon. A carriage is good e
nough thing in it's way, but heavens
think of being slave to coaehman
And having the carriage you feel thai
you must ride in it whether or no.
Imagine condition Of things thai
compels you to ride whether or no
What weight carriage must be or
ones mind. And then again, think o.
the terror that an average servant in s
black coat and white necktie must In
sDire,