The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1873-09-05
HUMOROUS.

that we have little sympathy for this
woman. Sooner or later the catastrophe
is sure to come. No woman should
ever sleep with her babes toe in her
mouth, unless she has false teeth which
can be removed, or the toe can be wrap
ped in sheet-iron.
Bob -- is well known about Quincy,
Michigan, as a great trader, and one of
the wealthiest men in the township.
One day he was endeavoring to trade an
old gold watch for a horse, when the
party of whom he proposed to get the
weather-gauge asked him how many
carats fine the watch-case was. Bob,
! thinking to enhance. the value, said he
believed it was seventy-fve. That
can't be, replied the man, for twenty
four carats is the standard for gold. "
''WeIl, mebbe there amt, " said Bob,
4" but the watch has all the carrots they
isI'
THE GUINA HEN.-The guina hen IL
spekIed kritter, smaller than the
goose and bigger than the wild pigeon.
They hav keen eye, and red kokade
on their beds, and aIwas walk on the
run. They lay eggs in CRATE prOfushun,
but they lay them so much on the sly
that they often can't find them them
sells. They are az freckled az a coach
dog, and just about az tuff to eat az a
haIf-biled krow. They hav a voice like
piccallO flute, and for racket two ov
them ken make a saw that IL being fled
ashamed of itself. They are a very sly
bird, and the nearer yu git tew them
the further they git oph. They are
more ornamental than useful, but are
chiefly good tew brighten away hawks.
They will see a hawk up in the sky
three miles and half OFF, and begin at
once tew hOller and make a fuss about
it.-Jo8h Billings.
INCIDENT Shaw, the NEEDLE of
amateur theatricals, says he saw New
York rough step into a Dutch candy
and beer-shop recently, when this con-
versation took place: ''I say, Johnny,
you son of a gun, give us a mug of
bee-a. D'y' hear ?" "Yah, yah-here
it ish, " answered the Dutchman, briskIy
handing up foaming glassful. "Waal,
naow, Civ us mother mug, old Switzer-
case p The Cherry street boy drank
off the second glass and started to go
out, when the Dutchman shouted,
& Here, you pays me de monish What
for you run away % You pays de
monish What do you take me for?
I doan't pay for any thing. I'm peel
er-that's the kind of a man [ am -
@ You ish Won tam sneaking, low-lived
scoundrel of thief-that's the kind of
man [ am % shrieked the Dutchman
between his teeth, as the Cherry street
| boy shuf1ed off toward another beer
! shop.
WHEN Murphy first bought his farm
in Lancaster county he was not aware
that all the water on the premises was
strongly impregnated with iron. But
when he drank that chalybeate water
for five or six months his system was 50
thoroughly charged with iron that when
he would wake up in the morning he
]
ually shifted around during the night
until the head rOinted north. And the
children's beds all performed the same
maneuver. Without taking warning by
this occurrence, the family continued to
drink the water until one fatal evening,
Mrs. Murphy had been house cleaning,
and that night she and Murphy and the
children lay down in the same room.
No sooner were they in a horizontal
position than all their heads swung
around suddenly to the northern end OF
the chamber to where the stove stood,
and the next instant the whole five OF
them were drawn violently against the
hot stove, and held there by magnetic
attraction. Murphy suffered worst be
cause he was bald, but Mrs. Murphy
and the children lost every hair on theil
heads, and when the family sold ou
and moved away every member of i
was baIder than all the other Murphy
that ever wore a scalp.
WILSON had theory that there wa'
nothing in the idea that a bull would
become enraged at the sight of a rec
rag, but he firmly believed that thu
; widest kind of animal could be fright
l ened by opening an umbrella in thei
faces. He determined to prove tn,
truth of this doctrine when he was a
Darby the other day, and selecting
red flannel shirt and an umbrella, b.
climbed over into field and advanced
waving the shir t at the the bull. Sine
then Wilson has said that he had n,
idea a bull could run at the rate of
; mile a minute, but anyhow this one die
2 not consume much time in approaching
: Wilson, and he consequently dropped
the shirt and tried to raise his umbrella
} Somehow the catch wouldn't work, anC
as the bull was not aware of the neces
sity for the delay, it became uncom
monty sociable on the spot, and tn,
next moment Mr.. Wilson was perform
ing fantasy on two horns, at the enc
of which he lit on the other side of tn,
l fence, firmly convinced that an earth
quake or some other extraordinary n t
ural convulsion had Just occurred. HI
is a convert now, and he carries a gun
in place of an umbrella when he goe'
= out to skirmish with bulls.
a LARGE FARNr.-A correspondent O.
t the Lafayette Courier sends that paper
g some account of what is probably the
; largest and best managed farm in tn,
3 world. 1t is in Knox county, Ill, ant