Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1873-08-13
The Garden Hose.

One more bright dream in life has col
lapsed for US and another harp hangs
upon the willow Only this isn't harp,
but hosea garden hose. We indulg-
ed in sweet visions early in spring, with
reference to keeping" the ground irrigat-
ed with our own apparatus. liet drouth
come" we triumphantly exclaimed,
= We shall hose every flower that thirst
eth We sodded quite extensively for
us, and reserved certain selected spots for
the floral display-then we bought the
hose. We found launching the institution
attended with mechanical difficulty. Sew
eral expeditions had to be made by ex
press to change the hose to fit our faucets.
Then the plumber had to come and alter the
faucets to fit the hose. In these expert
mental moments, we had occasion to study
the immense squirting capacity of water
not properly regulated. 1t is astonishing
how soon you can deluge the kitchen, and
what aptitude there is for getting hit in
the eye and all over your clothes by way
ward leaks from an uncertain machine
Science triumphed at last, and the hose
NOThGu u d Cudl IL was do tiSuO DIS d
drumhead, and worked magui6cently, and
we opened sprinkling campaign. Two
things we ascertained early, that the fem
mime head of the family considered it her
prerogative to superintend the watering
business, and getting wet was a foreor-
dained part of this transaction. No matter
how well your hose is joined, you will be
ducked and drenched IN the operation
this is matter of the " higher law
From the bay window we received our
orders" don't play so hard on the ver-
benas ;" "put more water on the the
vines :" &" why don't you soak the grass ~
g why on earth do you wet the paths ? :"
Finding that we we've not likely to do this
thing right any how, and being little
tired of playing second fiddle we retir-
ed from active operations for few days
and let he boys take a hand at it.
If you want to destroy the serenity of a
neighborhood, the quickest way is to let a
boy work garden hose. In the first
place he wants to water the streets, to the
peril of travellers, instead of confning his
labors to the inside of the fence. Then
all the other boys within mile seem to
know the fact, and they swarm like flies
around the youthful representative Of rain.
Then struggle commences. The boy Of
the house lets his companions have it in
the face; they retaliate by stamping over
the flowers, and stepping on the hose to
prevent the flow of the liquid, and gener
al row ensues, only to be suppressed BY
Madam in majestic state of indignation
who finally succeeds in dispensing the
rebels, and proudly bears away the insulted
instrument to its place of repose in the
back shed. We are informed when We ar
rive at home that all the children of the
neighborhood left our premises in condi
tion Of immersion, and "never while she
lives, is that hose to be put again in the
custody of boys"' When We undertake
to water the next time, We are nervously
conscious that our efforts do not meet th'
expectations of the presiding angel of Tho
household. She can stand our incapacity
no longer, and comes out in a rural straw
hat and says, "let me show you how Il
do it; men are so awkward!' she grasp
the hose as a woman is apt to grasp ,
pistol, as though she was little afraid i
might 60 off suddenly, and the nozzle hav'
ing limp downward tendency, fires ava,