The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-09-05
LIVELY.

OoJecI W DC pdlu III paper. 1neJ
say it is too thin.
What requires more philosophy
. than taking things as they come:
Parting with them as they go.
i The latest announcement fol-
new music is, "Hush, Sisters by
ling, with Piano Accompaniment
A man who wanted to be a min.
lister said he believed he had beer
called "to labor in the Lords barn.
yard"
John Broughman says Pocahon.
tas invented the game of poker.
It is remembered distinctly that
Smith called her on bluff.
Types continue to cut up antics,
even in we'll regulated offices, we
infer from seeing John Brown an
tnounced as ga linseed preacher"
A Boston woman wanted to
eiope, but when her husband gave
her money to go with she changed
her mind-it took all the romance
away.
A homesick San Franciscan,
who is visiting the East, finds oc:
casional relief by having sand
squirted in his face and down his
back with q bellows.-Danbury
News.
A Western paper tells us that a
fox-or;fo hnfal io IN I.o Izo,of @h;
season at one of the watering
places "by the widow of Mr.. -,
who died last summer, on q new
improved plan"
Josh Billings gives the follow
ing advice to young men: "Don't
be discouraged if yer mustash
don't grow. 1t somtimes happens
that where mustash duz the best
nothing else duz SO well"
Within the past two years De-
troit reporter has shaken hands
with thirteen "Buffalo Bills" all
displaying the same bountiful sup
ply of 'shooting-irons," but every
one with different ''phiz."
A young man from the country
slapped a big copper cent under
the head of the stamp clerk at the
Troy post Office, the other day,
saying: 81 guess I'll take one of
them ere pastoral cards, mister"
All the subtle humorists are not
in America. A writer in the Pail
Mall Gazette says that "few per-
sons, probably, as a rule, sleep
sounder or enjoy so much undis-
turbed repose as night watchmen.
Switzerland has showed itself to
be a sensible little Republic by not
shaking any bones" over the Shah.
He came and went, and not Swiss
stopped hoeine his potatoes or turn
ed his head as the bejewelled black
amoor went by.
A negro stole the carpet from q
Tennessee church, and cut it up into
rse-blanKets, and the congrega-
ton all went over Broad River to
see him immersed. From some I'M
accountable accident he was held
under the water just one minute too
long.
A Washington ID. Co. lady, the
other day, frightened at the light
ming, shut herself up in q darkened
room and prayed, while she sprink-
led about what she thought was
holy water. It was violet ink, how
ever, and things generally were
ruined.
Professor r. G. Kedsie, of the
Michigan Agricultural College, has
analysed the air of greenhouse
which had been closed for twelve
hours, and found it better that pure
country air. This seems to be a
strong argument in favor of plants
in sleeping rooms.
A Pennsylvania preacher, while
holding services recently, gave
thanks in fervent prayer for the
prosperous condition of their
crops, excepting, o Lord, the
corn, which is backward, and the
oats, which are mighty thin in
spots"
"Let go that jib-let go that jib,
quick" shouted the captain of a
down east sloop to raw hand in
squal. 81 amt touching yer old
jib, replied Jonathan, Indignantly,
as he jammed his fists deeper into
his trouserloons.
A lonely fellow advertises in q
Chicago paper for wife, and init.
mates that he prefers q poor girl
The Louisville Courier-Journal
tells him to take the first one who
responds and he will be almost
certain to get poor one.
The Minneapolis Tribune be
comes serious: "Oakes Ames
will reveals So, 745,254. And YET
he died of disappointment and
Ichagrin. Happier is honesty in 6
hickory shirt, and oil-cloth cap
than assimilation in plug hat
and a shirt that: buttons behind
Over his head were the maple-buds,
And over the tree was the moon,
And over the moon were the starry stud
That drop from the angels shoon.
A man in Whitehall kicked an
other man and was arrested for 81
doing. When brought before {
Justice of the peace, he informed
his Honor that the man he kicke'
. was a lightning-rod man. TIL
justice at once discharged hin
: with the remark: "The man wh'
would not kick a lightning-ro'
man wherever he finds one, is unfi
r to enjoy the liberties for which
f Washington fought and Thoma
/ Paine wrote" That justice ha
4 paid five hundred dollars for light
? ning-rods on his house last spring
A middle-aged lady met Bird
ish- looking lady in the post offic
recently, and the following cor
: versation followed: "Mary, is
, true that your mother is dead?
= asked the former. sit is" sal
Mary. ''And were you marie
: before she died?' NO." sal
: Mary, "not till three days after.
\ The middle aged woman stared
: the bride for q moment and the
: slowly and bewilderingly sale
y "Do you mean to say that you
poor mother died without-witl
: out seeing what you were marie
o in?
:, A LAYMAN's GRAcE.-A youn
: married friend tells a good jol
It on himself perpetrated by lit
: three year-old ''pride of the far
i ily." She is the only pledge I
o love that has twined itself arouI
d the hearts and affections of himse
d and wife. A few evenings since
il minister visited the family and T
E. NAMED until after tea. At Il
n table the reverend visitor ask
lie the blessing, and the little Oh