St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1873-08-22

Tickling
Crawling about
Miserable insect you get uut"
An exchange says that 1.-the umbrella
which Washington used to carry is to
be seen in Boston," 1t is immaterial to
us as to the whereabouts of Washing
toms umbrella, but we would give IA
liberal reward to know where the UNI
brella we used to carry is to be seen.
The other day an old West Rutland
resident was stutfing a gentleman from
''h'old Hengland you know by Jove,''
when Mr.. Bull said: "Why, sir. you
must have lived there Il long time" To
this West Rutland replied; Il have sir.
You may well say that" Pointing to
klllington Peak, said he to the English
man: $40 yOu see that mountain !!
Well SIR" said he to the interrogatcd.
"when | first came to this country that
mountain was Il hole in the ground"
Good enough for West Rutland, Long
live these old residents
There is a clever lad in Bnghamton.
n. y, who will get his living in this
world and no mistake. For PLAYING
truant, maternal authority cut off his
supper. Casting one fond look at the
authoress of his existence, he paused at
the door to say: "MOther, | am going
to die, and when | am no more, | wish
the doctor 10 cut me open and look at
my stomach" The maternal heart was
filled with awful tOrebodings and the
maternal voice asked what he meant.
81 wish it to be known" he answered.
THAT L died of starvation" This was
enough. The small boy was triumph
ant, and retired to his little bed gorged
to repletion.
Hartford, Conn.,, has a young gentle
man operator, who after repeated calls
for young lady operator in another
office, at last got response. and then. |
"click, click, click" fortiSsimo) he tel
egraphed back to her vehementlv: Il
have been trying to get You for the last
half hour ', lin moment the follow
ing spicy reply came tripping back to
him over the wires from the Geographic !
maiden. That's nothing There is a
young man here been trying to do the
same thing, for the last two years, and
he hasn't got me yet
IDIOTS IN CHURCH.-A clergyman was
recently annoyed by people talking and .
giggling. He paused, looked at the .
disturber, and said: Il am ALWAYS
afraid to reprOve those who misbchave,
for this reason: Some Years since, as | .
was preaching, young man who sat .
before me was constantly laughing. |
talking, and making uncouth grimaccs. |
| paused and administered ii severe re-
buke. After the close of the service a
gentleman said to me: Sir, Won have
made great mistake. That young
man was an IDIOT" Since that | have |
always been afraid to reprove those
who misbehave themselves in chapel
lest | should repeat that mistake and
reprove another idiot During the
rest of the service there was good
order
PEORIA REvIEw.-"In a vigorous |
chase after rats, Friday afternoon, a boy |
on Jefferson street broke down a shelf
in the cellar and inundated six lars of |
preserves: He gazed on the ruins
without sigh, caught and killed the |
rat, laid it among the debris, and daub-
ing his faithful dogs nose and legs with
the fruit, sent him up stairs. while the |
boy hid in the coal shed. He heard .
feminine shrieks of dismay he heard
the wrathful objurgations of MS sire
he heard the unsuspecting dog led into
the back yard and shot, and spreading
forth his hands said soIemnly, Another
victim of circumstantial evidence"