Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1873-06-19
"Csrding" Your Mother-in-law's
Bcdstcad.

1t is little singular why your wifo's
mother will persist in sleeping on cord
bcdstead. But she does You don't
think SO much Of this until you are called
upon to put it up, which event generally
takes place in the evening The belstead
has been cleaned in the afternoon, and
haying been soaked through with hot
water, is now ready for putting up. Your
wife holds the lamp aud takes charge of
the conversation. The rope has been
under water several times in the course
of the cleaning, and having swollen to
diameter greater than the holes in the
rails, has also got into 6t of coiling up
into mysterious and very intricate forms.
You at first wonder at this, but pretty
soon wonder ceases to be virtue, and
tber you scold. The thread which has
been wound around the end Of the rope
to facilitate its introduction in the holes
has come Of, and you have to roll it up
again. Then, after you have pulled it
through eight holes, your wife makes the
discovery that you have started wrong.
The way that rope comes out Of those
holes again makes your wife get closer to
the door, Then you try again, and get
it tangled in your legs. BY this time
you notice that this is the smallest bed,
room in the house, and you call the at
tentior Of your wife to the fact by OBJ,
serving: "Why on earth don't you open
the door? Do you want to smother me ?
She opens the door and you start again,
and she helps you with the lamp. First
she puts it on the wrong side Of the rail,
then she moves it so the heat comes up
from the chimney and scorches your nose.
Just as you need it the most you lose
sight of it entirely, and turning around
find her examining the wall to see how
that man has put on the whitewash. This
! eIcites you, and brings out the perspira.
} ton in greater profusion, and you declare
you will kick the bedstead out doors il
she doesn't come around with that light
Then she comes around. Finally the
, cord is laid all right, and you proceed t
/ execute the very delicate job Of tighten
3 ing it. The lower ropes are first walket
over. This is done by stepping on tn
+, FIRST one and sinking it down, hanging t,
d the head.board with the clutch Of death
l. Then you step with the other foot on th
u next line, spring thlt down, lose you
" balance, grab for the head-board, miss il
; and come down in heap. This is re
'e peated more or less times across th
10 length Of the bed, the only variety bein
o the new places you bruise. The to
'r cords are tightened in another way, an
IN you now proceed to that. You first pr
as one foot on each rail, which spreads 20
81 some, aud as you do it the frigbtfi
vi thought strikes you that if one of the
y feet should clip over, nothing on ear
o. would prevent you from being tpi
d. through to the chin. Then you pull /
ne the first rope until your eyes seem to
70 on the point Of rolling out Of the
nc sockets, and the blood in your veins fair
p' groans, and on being convinced that y
'as can't pull il any further without crippli
no yourself for life, you catch hold Of t
ny next rope and draw that up, and grul
~ Then you move along to the next, al
Gu pull that up, and grunt again. Just
u, you have got to the middle and commeu
III to think that you are about through, ev
lot if your joints will never again set as th
er' did before, you some away or other m
&C. the connection. and find that you hu
got to go back and do it all over, H,
you pause for few minutes Of oracu
refreshment, and then slowly and ca
inc fully work your way back. You do
sed jump down and walk back, because ,
ok. are afraid to spread out in that way aga
You sort Of waddle back, working
ess way inch by inch, ond with consumm
patience. A man thus stretched acrol
tur bedstead never becomes so excited al
Won lose bis presence Of mind. 1t would
n instant death if he did. Then he 6
over il again, waddling and pull
.eel groaning and grunting. while bic '
tba moves around with the lamp, and I
him 10 take it easy. and not scratch
,tcr bedstead any more than he can help,
that she can't tell which creaks .he m
; as be or tho bsdstsad. And sitter he
through she has the sudacity to ask
that to bring in The feather beds, In the q
INTO Of night that man will steal upsto !.
Men room and look at that bedstesd;
the