The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-01-24
sNATCHES OF MERRIMENT.

Elder of Fourteen: "Where il
baby, Madge?" Madge: "In the othel
room, L think, Emily" Elder of Four
teen: $50 directly, and see what she's
doing, and tell her she mustn't !"
"A Michigan man lately had his head
cut into a circular saw as far as the
brains ought to be. AS none were
found the top of his skull was spiked
on again and he is recovering.
The Jacksonville Journal states
that a blooming, blushing schoolgirl
called at that Office and inquired for
papers for a week back" The idea sug-
gested was that she wanted them for a
pannier.
"A book was recently published in
England entitled Lectures to Mar
ried Men" We supposed it was the
general impression that men have always
had lectures enough without taking
them in book form.
"A young man who went West from
Danbury a few months ago has sent
only one letter home. 1t came on Fri
day. 1t said : "Send me a whig. "
And his fond parents don't know
whether he is scalped or married.
els Pat Flanagan on board this
ship % roared Nelson, during a lull in
the firing at the battle of the Nile.
"Tm here, my lord p said Erin's son,
showing himself on deck. Then, "
said the gallant Nelson, looking salts
fed, "let the battle proceed" This
story is Pats.
An exquisitely dressed young gem
tleman, after buying another seal to
dangle about his person, said to the
jeweler that he would-ah, like to have,
ah-something engraved on it to de-
note what he was Certainly, GER
tainly," said the tradesman "Tll put
a cipher on it.
Pity the poor teacher. Teacher !:
And what are the four quarters of the
world 2" First pupil "Please, teacher,
air, earth, fire and water" Second
pupil (eagerly) "No, teacher, Mat
thew, Mark, Luke and John"
"A lady wished to have her husbands
life insured in Boston Office the other
day, giving as a reason that she either
wanted a husband or some money,
" she don't care which" She never
expected both Mt the same time.
A colored gentleman went to con-
suit one of the most conscientious law
yers, aud after stating his case said
I" Now, Mr., 1 know Sous a law
yer, but wish you would please, sir,
iiss tell me de truff bout dat matter?"
"A Mrs. Day, of Springfield, ILL.,,
lately gave birth to quadruplets, weigh
ing ten pounds each in the stocking
feet. The bereaved father says Shaks-
peare was quite right when he said We
do not know "what a day may bring
forth. "
"It is possible" said an experienced
uncle to an adolescent nephew, "to be
tolerable comfortable in marriage, if
your wife enjoys good health, and you
enjoy as much money as will enable
you to crafty ali her inclinations be-
sides your own"
If am not at home from the party
tonight at ten o'clock" said a husband
to his wife, edo not wait for me. )"
"That won't" replied the lady, signi-
ficantly, "I'll come for youw To pre-
vent difficulty the gentleman managed
it so as to be home precisely at ten
o'clock.
What is the world coming TO when
even babes exhibit such alarming pre-
cocity as did little twelve-year-old
charmer in Brattleboro, who the other
day sent her "beau" love-letter,
couched in the following apt and (possi-
bly, familiar words "They that seek
me early shall find me "