Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1873-01-24
JONES' BEARD.

Jones was very good fellow till he
wore beard; he has retained few ex-
Cellent qualities since, but has lost more,
and gained none. There was time when,
if you asked favor of him, he showed
energy and alacrity: now he says "Eh?"
in an absent manner, his mind being en-
tangled in his hair. If man is vain of
his eyes, or teeth, or nose, he requires a
looking glass to remind him of his ad
vantages, and, in the absence of some re-
fiecting object his pride may remain in
abeyance; but a beard is a perpetual
snare; the pOssessor has only to draw in
his chin and glance downward. and
there it always is. | suspect that even
holy hermits, who deemed that they had
got rid of all vanity when parted
finally from mirrors, combs and
soap, sometimes gave the enemy an open
ing below their chins.
Now some men take morbid pride in
very coarse and ugly hair, simply be-
cause of the interest they have had in its
growth. They plant a weed, land water
it because they have planted it," But
Jones beard was undoubtedly a very
fine vegetable of It's kind; soft, thick,
black and glossy, and he had a right to
admire it in moderation. 1t was his eX-
CGSS1NG lubCIGStb Ill IL Jlldb VIC COulpldIuGu
of; he was always stroking it, brushing
it, petting it; he even talked to it, for
when deigned response to any question
which was put to him, it was to his
beard that he spoke, not to his inter
locutOr
This weakness of Jones for his chin-tail
was great boon to photographers; he
was always having it taken. There were
three large sun pictures over the mantel-
piece in his dining room, representing as
many different views of the beard-a pro-
file, three quarter and full, and their
frames were gorgeous. His wife wore a
representation of the beard in massive
brooch at her neck, and two smaller pho
tOgraphs of it in bracelets; while a glitter
ing gewgaw with a pearl cross upon it.,
which hung on her breast like an Order,
proved, when opened, to contain fourth
likeness of the same interesting object.
Thus carvers, gilders and jewelers. profit
ed likewise; so did the young men presid-
ing over toilet saloons; for when Jones
went to have his hair cut, instead Of stam-
mering with shame at having obtained
Civility on false pretenses, when his Oper-
ator, with heart throbbing high with hope
of three halfpenny commission, inquir-
cd blandly whether he required anything
to-day, he replied stoutly-"Yes, a large
bottle of Brilliantine." Thus, Jones'
beard may claim the same defense which
is argued in favor of other institutions; it
made good for trade.
But certainly the photographers got
most of it, especially the Partisan, for
Jones had an idea that there was some
thing in French air or French chemicals,
which brought out the peculiar softness
,oL oil IF hic and ac hn n
some mysterious business or profession,
the exact nature of which l never made
out, but which caused him to be interest
ed in all sorts of foreign railways, canals
and manufactures; and as, whatever
part of the world he was bound for, it was
incumbent npOn him to spend a day or
two in Paris, both going and returning,
at other peoples expense, there were few
messieurs of the camera resident in that
center of civilization who had not focused
him. e- ..- ...
When the war broke out between
France and Germany, Jones was violent
partisan of the former country. He
looked upon the conduct of Bismark,
Moltke & Co. in blocking up the ap-
proaches to his favorite capital as per-
sonal Offense, wanton interference with
the comfort and pleasure of a man who
had never offended them. I do not think
that he suffered much in pocket, for his
business took him to Italy at that time
but he had to make unpleasant sea voy-
ages, and have his beard limned by art
lists who did not give him full satisfaction,
and he had hated everything Teutonic,
from flutes to sausages, with the hate of a
franctireur. Directly Paris was once
more open, he fastened thither but his
STAY was short one. His favorite atelier
was wreck, and the principal photogra-
pliers were all hard at work taking the
ruins. So the shareholders, or whoever
paid for his apartments at the Grand Ho'
tel, his breakfast at the Cafe Anglais, his
dinners at Philippe's, his stalls at the
theatres, got off cheaply that time, and
he started promptly to look after his, her,
or their interests in Belgium. He came
to place where the railway had not
been repaired after a strategical demoli
ton, and he was obliged to travel like
our grandfathers-ike the fathers of some
of us (worse luck). Where the diligence
was unearthed from is mystery; but
there it was, ready to supply the missing
link! and after tedious number of hours
II iolted. at II o. m into the town where
passengers could take the train again
Here there was an examination of pass
norris: and for about the fifth time Jones
was shut up in pen like a bullock, Will
his bundle of rags in one hand, bag
which grew heavier every moment, II
the other. and an umbrella, which IN
sisted upon assaulting his neighbors
who would not take its pokes phllosoph
rically, under. his arm. Bullocks nav.
only got their horns and tails to lool
after but thew are used To carry them