Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1873-10-14
HUMOR
"a little nonsense now and then
Is reiished by the wises. men,"


The most thrilling tahe known Is
that of the rattlesnake,
If you are out in a driving storm,
don't attempt to hold the rains.
When are two kings like two miles +!
When they make league.
Something that always has the ia
vor of antiquity''-Limbnrger cheese.
The first story of a building ever
completed was the story OF the house
that Jack built.
Teacher (to pupil -"WLe e does tea
come from Z" Out of the tea pot,
ma am"
A Missouri railroad is said to own
seven Senators but it does not pay
any dividends on them.
The custom Of throwing rice after a
bride is Chinese. The custom of
throwing a bool-jack after her is
English.
4 bachelor at banquet in Potts.
vile, Penn. gave the following
toast: The women and coal of
'Schuyikill county-O, how desolate
would the freside be without them p
Landledy TO new boarder(-"Will
you take your beef>steak rare or well
donc?' 'Well done if you please,
for it was too rare that [ got
it at my former clearinghouse.
The adage, "Of two evils choose the
least" is helpful when the judgement
is equal to a choice. but what is to be
done when the choice lies between
ficas and mosquitoes?
Have you tasted that new drink
they've got up in Jersey City,, asked
one topper of another. mo, what do
they call it?' "Water. if I'm not
mistaken and little of it goes a
great way. SO they use it sParingly."
"Mv dear sir, 4" said political aspi-
rant in Massachusetts, to man whom
he met at a primary meeting the other
NIGHTLY dear sir, l am very glad
to see you." You needn't be, :"
replied The citizen, for I've already
voted"
Gamma, dear, If | should attempt to
spell Cupid. why could l not get be-
yond the first syllab!e?" Anna gave
it up, whereupon William said Be
cause, when l come to ca, Of course :,
[ cannot 20 any further" Anna said
she thought that was the incest cons
undrum she had ever heard.
During the session of the County
Court at Lincoln, Nebraska. the other
day.. wide-wake lawyer suddenly
sprang to his feet and said MAY it
please the Court. there's fight out
doors, ana l ask for short adjourn
ment." The Court vent with him
without waiting for the formality OF
an adjournment.
Two Young city ladies, in the coun-
try, were standing by the side of d
wide ditch, didn't know how to cross.
They appealed TO boy, who was COM
ING along the road, for help, where
upon be pointed behind them with a
startled air and yelled. 'nsakes p
The young ladies crossed the ditch al
single bound.
when a ship at sea, lying to in a
storm, is without any provisions, wha
are the passengers to live on. uncle?
asked an urchin of his mother
brother. 81 don't know wbat?'
gfowled the uncle. Eggs" quott
the youngster. Eggs? How cou!C
they get them? % why, you know
the ship lay to-" Qaid twO.)
"How did it happen that your house
was not blown away by that hurricane
. last week: asked scientific obSer.
yer, who was following up the tract
of tornado, of farmer, whose house
lay right in the line of destruction
Il don't know replied the farmer
'unleSs it's because there's a heav.
mortgage On il"
1.-The company that owns this roat
shall never get another cent of m,
money. said an angry lady. on train
.'How eau you help yourself? You've
got to travel on the road, or move t.
some other part of the country
sneeringly remarked the conducto
who had offended her. 4" Why" rotor
ted the lady. IN pay my fare t.
you, AID then III be bound that tn
company will never get the money !
The murder of a printer in thi
Office, by one of. the editors of thi
paper. says the Atlanta Herald, ma.
be explained and justified in yer.
few words. The editor wrote the fol
lowing sentence mo undieestec
sin was lying on his conscience, an'
the late typo made it read: IAN oil
white hen was laying on his con-