Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-12-26

SouE llINrs TO 'OiD PGo8. M. Quad
of the Detroit Free Press, has hit upon
method of inlusing domestic interest into the
weather probabilities. which will commend
itself to the admiration of the most inditier-
cnt. lie SAYS: There is certain stiffness
and formality about Old Probabilities re
ports which common people would like to see
changed for something more frank and open
hearted The whole thing could be made
more cheerful reading and more interesting
to the young if some newspaper man had the
weather 10 take care Of. For instance,
where the report now reads, "for the north
west, rising barometer. with cold northerly
winds, a right-minded journalist would say:
Folks in Wisconsin and Minnesota Will get
up and get, tomorrow; twill be cold enough
10 freeze the hair on a hitching-post. just
a year ago, tomorrow. the Dublin Boy and
the san Francisco Babe had a Set-to near
New Orleans, and Dublin won: it is also the
second anniversary Of the Natertown Bank
robbery, where the thieves carried off $500,
600 and were allowed to keep $50, goo for
their honesty in restoring the balance.
Honesty is the best policy; look out for cool
winds. An honest mans the noblest work
of God, and a snow-storm is probable.
The present weather man says: "For
saturday, in the Gulf States, south and east
winds, rising temperature, threatening
weather and occasional rains. Now that
should read: "Don't count on going to cir
cuses and picnics, saturday: the umbrella
market viii be firm and bouyant, and the
mud knee deep. Better stay at home and sew
carpet-rags and get the buttons on your hus-
hands SUNDAY shirt Occasional rains may
be expected tomorrow and the New York
detectives will probably catch another Nathan
murderer"
Where the weather man says. For the
South Atlantic States. increasing southeast
crly winds, with cloudy weather, clearing
away by saturday night it should read
splendid weather for going after persim-
mons down South; don't draw your shotgun
toward you by the muzzle Weather a little
cloudy, but dads rich. and 50 who cares;
good day for setting ont grayestoneS. Use
Fargo's liver pills. for sick headache; no
respectable family should be without it. \
wear ago or thereabouts Senator Pomeroy
gave Senator York IS GOO, and never jump
on to the front platform Of a street car.
Weather will clear up by saturday night,
and it viii be a good night for going to the
lodge lfyour wife doesn't believe yOu went
there, tell her to smell your breath
Then where Probabilities says "for the
Middle and Eastern States southwest winds,
with partly cloudy weather" it ought to
read: Not good day for taking photo
graphs east Of Michigan. Some clouds loaf
ing around. and good weather for stealing
oyercoats About time to get boots for your
boys. leave the pegs in and the boys will
prefer to 90 barefoot for a while yet Moth
ing ike economy, and don wear white pants
when you 60 huckleberrying. Good day for
New England sewing women to make shirts
at fifty cents per dozen. Southwest winds
to be expected, don't fly your kites too high.
About this time last year New York
County Treasurer acknowledged himself
defaulter to the amount Of 100000, hut the
tears of his aged father effected compro-
mise for SOS 900, and the Treasurer com
menced builling a fine house. Don't lend
money to strangers, and do unto Others as
You get cnanee. May rain tomorrow
night, and spelling and candy pulls
are only a month distant. BE kind to your
sister, and look ont for a sharp frost.