The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1873-07-22
SINGLE BLESSEDNEsS.
Report Of II Nan who Kept House
While His Wife Was Away for
tho Summer.

Report Of u Mnn who Kept HOus
While His WIfG Was Away 10
tho Summer.
My wilo has gone away for the summG
and left nc in full charge OF the house.
like il; haven't had such run Of liberl
since we were married. lhope she's hay
Ing good time, for can now exercise m
rights as the head Of the family. Can
do it when she's at home; she'll not stan
II. She has rules, and makes everybOd
about her toe the mark. But I've got he
now, and am having things my own way
This morning came home quite carly
1t was 2 A. N. I'd been 10 the club an
got caught out in the rain. For half Of
hour | couldn't find the keyhOlC, whic
must have got mislaid. Iiclt for it every
where, and even got down into the var
and examined every brick, hut couIdn'
find Il. was in the act Of calling one O
my neighbors, and asking him who ha(
carried of my front door, when / hap
pened to find It and got. into the house.
In the dark | kicked over spittoon
but luckily / didn't get any Of the tobacco
juice on my boots. | hung my overcoa
and umbrella on prong Of the Chande
lier, let them drip on the parlor carpet
went up stairs and turned intwth my
boots on. / thought it wasn't worth whit
to pull them of, as | would have to &c
up In eight or ten hours anyhow. II my
wife had been at home she'd have haC
me looking an hour for the boot jack, ant
would have lost that amount Of rest
which my system so much needed. Be
sides she'd have made me give full
account Of myself, which don't like L
TO do. l never did believe IN praising
myself. It's better 10 let others speak O
ones virtues. can now wear shirt 6
week and It's nohody's business. don't
see how ever did get along with that wo
man. The idea Of having 10 put on q clean
shirt, black my boots, and brush up my
clothes every morning, is simply ridiCu-
lous. II Is a miracle to me how | ever
did il and attend ~ my other affairs. ]
now read the morning paper without
being forced 10 sec an impatient woman
standing with her dress in one hand, look.
ing very miserable, and finally telling me
she is going down town, and wants that
paper. Any one, TO loOl; ut the house
now, would know there's no women
about, everything is 50 quiet and com
Portable and handy. II l want To do a
little figuring l d0n'E havc 10 hunt up q
pencil, or pen aud ink, but just sit down
10 one OF the tables and do II with my
finger, and there's nobody To bGctCrnally
welding a busting brush around my
head and telling Inc to get ont OF the
way until tho house is cleaned
up. These arc considerations every
married man should ponder over.
But when do we ponder and re-
solve, what good docs It do? That's the
question which IS, now agi!ating the
American people. What good does 1t do Z
Not bit. If these women can't have
everything their own way, they swoon of
into Mysteries. As a consequence, we
have 10 pay a fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay In tho house all day, tanning them
and promising in the end that Eve may
be happy yet" before they show any dis
position 10 compromise. Our wives are
petted too much. And this, reminds me
that mine won't yield 10 any other treat
ment. undertook to prescribe q moro
stringent remedy for her one day, but ii
threw her into q fit more like jinjams
than anything l know Of. She broke
every plato in the house over my head,
and then l had TO kiss her before she
would promise not 10 do It again. That's
what makes me say she is set in her ways.
There, too, arc the piano and guitar,
which she kept going from morning until
midnight, filling the whole neIghborhood
with discordant sounds which che called
music. Both are as mute as the bird.Cage
which was vacated last week by STRAIT
egic movement Of the cat
: The 200 pots Of flowers she LEFT me 10
cultivate don't think will produce much
Of a crop. They're nearly all ripe now,
and there's no sign Of flower yetAl |
have watered them twice since she lclt,
but it did no good. Ireckon they miss
her, and are piniug away because she
amt here. In this respect they do not
resemble me to any alarming extent.
Our kitchen never looked better. The
stove and pipe have assumed beautiful
red tint, and The pots arc bringing forth q
fine crop Of white looking vegetable mold,
which havn't learned the name OF, but
she will know It when she comes. The
dishes don't look quite rs bright and clean
as they might, but the flies arc bad this
year, and II were to wash them every
two weeks they wouldn't present re.
spectacle appearance.
Notice TO the Editor.-PleasG suppress
that article I sent you about my spell oI
Single Blessedness. The old woman has
got back.