The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-08-08
THE PR ESS.
FRIDAY MORNING, AUGUST s. 1873
Gossip and Gleanings.


When man offers to sell 5000 mule for
SIS out West he gets arrested.
A man is like bit of Labrador spar which
has no lustre as you turn 1t in your hand. tiIl
you come to a particular angle; then il shows
deep and beautiful colors.-Emerson.
Bismarck has quit reading the Galveston
Neps, that paper having called his remarks
in the World interview "the talk of drivel-
ing IDIOT"
A man at Fond du Lac took his coat off
with rapidity the other day. The fy-wheel
of saw-mill helped him, and between them
they made good time.
1t is true that the ''grandest and strongest
natures are ever the calmest." Hence, when
bank cashier defaults, or the President of a
Trust Company is unfortunately drowned,
you can never get the directors to make
much noise about the stale of the finances.
George Elliot very truly says that in court
ship everything is regarded as provisional and
preliminary-but preliminary to what? is
question which the wretch asks too late who
has to sit out upon the stoop all night because
his wife doesn't like the flavor of gin and
gentian.
Two amusing answers of the son of a
Western Senator at West Point are recorded.
On being asked into how many pieces dis
charged spherical shot will burst, he replied,
''Into two, at least, sir, should think" and
on being asked what were the uses of the
vent in piece of ordnance, replied, after
mature consideration, that it showed the up
per side Of the gun, and was useful to spike
it with. .
Hartford has young gentlemen operator,
who, after repeated calls for a young lady
operator in another office, at last got a
response, and then ''click, click, click"
(fortissimo), he telegraphed back to her vehe-
mently: II have been trying to get you for
the last half hourW In moment the fol-
lowing spicy reply came tripping back to him
WI oAO VilSo iiOLu tuC tClCSldpAC mdluCu.
''That's nothing There is young man
here been trying to do the same thing for the
last two years, and he hasn't got me yet"
Speaking of the manner in which the es-
capped rhinoceros of O'Brien's menagerie was
Gagged at Ithaca,:.N. Y. the Democrat says,
"a cable chain was attached to each of his
legs and one around his neck, and these were
coupled to locomotives on each of our rail-
roads. The engines were then started. Pull
ing in five different directions, his behemoth-
ship had nothing left to fight with but his
tail, and that was lashed to church spire by
wire rope. Being rendered harmless by
these guys a new wagon was built around
him, and thus he was secured
Mr.. w. G. of Eliot City, conceited snob,
was so fond of fine clothes that he revelled
in them by day and dreamed of them by night.
One evening he visited a lady, and removed
his overcoat, etc., in the hall, preparatory to
entering the parlor, when the lady heard him
utter the following sensible words: Taking
his overcoat and hanging it up, he said
Hang there, you fifty dollar ovcrcoatp' Pull
ing off his gloves and putting them on the ia
Bile, clay there, you five-dollar glovesp
Placing his hat on the rack, "Hang there
you ten-dollar hatr' Putting his cane in the
the corner, ''Stand there, you fifteen-dollal
caner' Then entering the parlor, he was
about to sit down, when the lady pulled the
chair from under him, and as she left the
room said, ''Lay, there you two-cent fooir'
He has not been around that house since.