The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1873-11-22
HUMOROUS.

ton, IeXaS, put his revolver into the
contribution-box q few Sabbaths since.
"A Lady who was not Shakespear-
ian scholar hearing the "Merry Wives
of Windsor" highly praised, inquired
how many wives Mr.. Windsor had.
The most bashful girl we ever heard
of was the young lady who blushed
when she was asked il she had not been
courting sleep.
The story that a man died from in
Juries received from falling on the fork
of country road is now denied.
-"Let the toast be, Dear woman!'
as the man said to his wife, when he
wanted to eat 1t all himself.
The meanest man on record is q
Vermonter who refused to pay his first
wife the money which he borrowed from
her to buy an Indiana divorce and cover
the expense of his wedding tour with
another lady.
The wife of a Louisville lawyer made
hustle of some impolta legal docu-
ments, and court had to adjourn until
she could go home and return with
them in proper shape.
AN Irish lady once declared that
she could not understand how gentle
men could smoke. "It certainly short
ems their lives" said she. 81 don't
know that" exclaimed gentleman.
There's my father who smokes every
blessed day, and he is seventy years
old" "Well," was the reply, ''if he
had never smoked, he might have been
eighty by this time.''
Six feet in his boots" exclaimed
Mrs. Beeswax. "What will the impu-
dence of this world come to, wonder?
Why, they might as well tell me that
man had six heads in his hat"
"A Doctor went out for a davis
sport, and complained of having killed
nothing. "That's the consequence of
having neglected your business" OBJ
served his wife.
When mans income is like his
umbrella, only large enough forhimself.
he will be wrong if he share it with
lady: both will get nothing but drip
pings, we5 through, and in a mess.
The melancholy days are come, the
saddest of the year, when piercing
winds and drifting SHOWS tempt loving
wives to remark: "Oh, what
beautiful set of furs Mrs. Jones
has got Only two hundred and fifty
dollars-dirt cheap; and mine, you
know, are hardly decent"
An exchange puts it truly, although
in facetious manner as follows: A fel-
low, who has actually tried it, SAYS that
although there are three scruples in a
dram, the more drains you take. the
less scruples you have.
"A country editor reports money
"close but not close enough to be
reached"
The woman who never watched her
neighborS, is said to be cousin to the
woman who didn't know how many
dresses her sister-in-law had.
-"I'm not in mourning" said
young lady frankly to young lady
querist, "but as the widows are getting
all the offers nowadays, we poor girls
have to resort to artifice."
"A young man, the other night
sought to secure hissweetheart by STRAIT
egy; so he took her out for boat ride
on the romantic Wissahickon, and
threatened to jump overheard if she
wouldn't marry him. 1t did not work.
She offered to bet him dollar that he
daren't dive in.
"A young man who enjoys the sobrl-
quet of Frank, parting with young
lady the other night, up town endeaaor-
ed to impress his customary kiss, when
she forcibly pushed back his head, and
said, mo, sir, you don't-the franking
privilege is abolished" That fellow
got the "sack," we'd bet, ...
"A nice old man a vegetable gard
ener, recently called at our Office and
had seen anything in the papers recent
ly about worm that was doing much
damage celery. 81 intended" said he,
"to have raised good deal of celery
this year, but durn me, ii thing it'll
pay il that burned celery grub that
started at Washington a while since,
about what I've been heern somuch on,
is coming this way" Doubtless he
meant the "Salary grab" ...
"A Quaker lately popped the ques.
tion to fair Quakeress, as follows:
"IIum! yea and verify, Penelope, the
spirit urgeth and moveth me wonder
fully to beseech thee to cleave unto me,
flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.''
"Hum! truly, Obadiah, thou hast wisely
said. Inasmuch as it is written that It
is not good for man 20 he alone, 10,
will sojourn with thee"
Two ladies we've In conversation the
other day. One lady remarked that
sparrows were useful in Kidding certain
cities of canker worms. The other lady
said she would rather be tormented by
the latter than sparrows. Just then
youth approached and was appealed to,
"Mr.--, which do you think the
worst, the sparrows or worms?' He
blushrd little and said,-''I don't
know, / never had sparrows."
-"Do you suppose that you can do
the landlord in the Lady of Lyons?"
said a manager to seedy actor in quest
OF an enlightenment. 81 should think so,
have done great many landlords" I.
The ale causes many aillngs; while
4. A.