Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-12-16

Transient advertisements must be paid in ad-
p7S- Terms, CASH, payable quarterly.
wall, and our location gave us a
prominence that would have been
very grateful had we been back of
a store looking for lemons, but be-
ing diffident person, and having
strong desire to crawl under the
carpet, and lie out Of sight, the
prominence put a blight on our
spirits that we found impossible to
shake off. 1t was quite cold out
doors, but the room being full of
people, and some thoughtful per-
son having closed the door, the
temperature commenced to density
with extraordinary rapidity. All
of the party sat around the sides of
the room, and in such q way as to
take in the stove and ourself. A
dreadful silence sat upon all, dis
turbed only occasionally by a brief
whisper Of one friend TO another,
which undoubtedly referred to our
proximity to the stove, and the
weird solemnity of our expression,
which we desperately but vainly
strove to remedy. We essayed
once or twice to look into the faces
of the company, but thought better
of it, and picking out a pace in
the wall where the paper had been
torn off, fell to studying it with
all-absorbing interest. The per-
spiration stood out on our forehead
in great drops, and, having stood
there until they were tired, the
drops silently rolled down our face.
We would have got out handker-
chief, but we cherished the hope that
some one in the party was not look
ing at us, and dreaded to make any
movement for fear of attracting his
attention. Then the bergamot and
sweet oil with which we had gener-
ously fed our locks, with q view to
intoxicating the senses of the fe-
males in attendance, commenced to
ooze forth, and start down the back
of our neck for fresh pastures. 1t
was at this juncture, the heat of
the stove having become unbear-
able, that the lady of the house in
quired if the stove was not to warm
for the gentlemen. 1t was our
purpose to protest that We never
before were SO comfortably situat-
cd, but the roof of our mouth hav-
ing dried and cracked open, the
words must have got lost in the
crevices. But we smiled-such a
smile, perhaps, as a sick man
would exchange with an undertake
er, who had called in to ask after
his health. 1t was at this point
we became concious of our paper
collar. 1t was pressing against the
back of our neck with the ardor of
a mustard draft, and one end had
broken from the button and was
soaring majestically heavenward.
We could feel it crumble and fall
down on both sides, and every time
we put our hand up, which we be-
gan to do quite often on account of
the cold thrill it gave US, we found
it spotted with vitality of that col
lar. The people commenced to
whisper, and look up at the ceiling,
and put their handkerchiefs in
their mouths. We thought of kill
ling every one of them on the spot,
and hiding their bleeding remains
in the cellar; but we lacked the
coolness necessary for such an un-
dertaking, on account of that infer
nal stove, and so gave it up, and
kept on smiling to show our calm
ness. Suddenly, when in the midst
of what was probably most mani
cal leer, the collar parted in the
back, and one side dropped down
to the floor, and the other swung
around to the front. A shrek of
laughter burst from the company,
and we bolted for home.