The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1873-10-10
The Nan who Kept a COW.

The Man Who Kept Cow.
! The man across the way who en-
Ijoys vegetables from his own garden
Through the summer has bought a
COW. His wife told him how nice it
would be to have a COW on the prem
Iises, so as to have milk fresh and
Ipure every day, and always in time,
and always in abundance. Then
they could make butter themselves,
and not eat the rank stuff out of the
stores. She told him there was
enough stuff from the garden and
table to almost keep a COW, and the
product would be just about so much
tclear gain. He figured it up him
self with pencil, and the result sur
prised him. lie wondered why he
had not kept a COW before, and in
wardly condemned himself for the
loss he had been inhicting upon him
self. Then he bought a cow. In
the evening of its arrival we went
out to milk it. But the animal was
excited by the strange surroundings
and stepped on our friend, and near
ly knocked one of his eyes out with
her tail. He worked at the expert
meat for an hour, but without any
success. Then his wife came out
to give advice, and his son came out
to see the fun. The COW put one of
her heels through the woman's dress
and knocked the boy down in the
mud, which ended their interest in
the matter. One of the neighbors
MIXED the animal that night and
came around in the morning and
showed the man how to do it. The
third day the COW escaped the sur
veilance of the boy who was left to
watch her, and when the man came
home at night she was nowhere to
be found and he was obliged to hunt
her up before supper He walked
around for a while and then returned
home but the animal had not been
seen. Then he went off again and
made very thorough search, and
about ten o'clock that night he came
back with the COW, his clothes be
grimmed with perspiration and dust,
and his face flushed and scratched. |
He wanted to kick the animals rib
in, but realizing that such course
would result in pecuniary damage,
he changed his mind The boy
wishes he had obeyed the first i'm ]
pulse. On the fourth day they |
churned, so as to have fresh butter
for the table. The mother took hold |
of the dasher first, because she said
she used to do it when she was a
girl, and liked no better sport. She
pounded away until she caught a
crick in the back that doubled her up
like a knife, and then she put her
heir to it. He had been standing
around eagerly waiting for a chance,
and grumbling because he didn't get
it; and when the dasher was placed |
in his hands he was so happy he
could hardly contain himself He
pumped away for an hour at it, and |
then he said if he had to do it any |
more he would run away and be a
robber. At noon the man came
home and learned the situation. He
was little disgusted at the "tom-
foolery," as he called it, and took
hold of the churn himself and made |
it bounce for awhile. Then his
stomach commenced to fall in, bis
spine to unjoint, and his shoulders
to loosen. He stopped and wiped |
off the perspiration,, and looked |
around with a melancholy cast of
features, aud went at it again. The
butter didn't come, however, but
everything in the way of oratorical
effect did. He got so dreadfully ex-
cited that his wife smelling strong
of camphor, took the dasher away
from him and went to work herself.
At this the son put his cap under
his Jacket and miraculously disap-
peared. Later in the day the cream
was poured around the grape vine.
On the fifth day the COW knocked |
down a length of fence to the next
lot, and ate all the oranges from
tree that stood in tub, and when
the people attempted to drive her
out she carried away a new ivy on
her horns, knocked down a valuable
vase of flowers and capped the eli
max by stumbling over box Of
and falling on a pile of hot
house frames. On the sixth day our
sold his COW to butcher,
and now eats strong butter which
comes from the store.