Western Reserve chronicle. [volume] (Warren, Ohio) 1855-1921, 1873-01-15
THE CHRONICLE

If you need a stimulant, try work.
/ The most useful thing in the long
run-breath.
Truth crushed to earth will rise
again, but it amt so with eggs.
People who are always wishing for
something new, should try netC- ralgia
once.
DIR. Holmes says a garnet is like a
sea shore, where old wrecks are
thrown up and slowly go to pieces.
Have you heard my last speech?"
asked a political haranguer OF a wit
81 sincerely hope So" was the reply.
Why is a man why marries an heir
ess a lover of music? Because he
marries fortune.
The London papers have discovered
that Mr.. George" Emmett, who IS
playing Fritz in that city, is a grand
son Of the brother OF Robert Emmett.
Prudent Connecticut clergymen
complete the parriege ceremony Dy
giving full Instructions how to pro-
cure a divorce.
A Washington editor has been made
happy by the appointment to the pres
idency OF a society for the prevention
of cruelty 20 mules.
Some of our people thought there
was a match factory on fire some
where, Saturday, but it proved to be a
stranger who casually stepped on a
barrel hoop.
A Young man who went west from
Danbury a few months ago, has sent
only one letter home. 1t came Friday.
1t said /: Send me a wig" And his
fond parents don't know whether he
sealped or married.
A rural gentleman standing over 9
register in one of our stores, attracted
general attention to himself by OBJ
serving to his wife, "Mariar, 1 guess
I'm agoin' to have a fever, I feel such
hot streaks a runnin' up my legs"
A COW in Rome, Ga, lay down in q
damp place the other day, and her
tail frOZe firmly to the ground. A
Southern paper, in giving a pathetic
account of the affair, says that when
the COW got up there was another cold
snap. The tail actually broke.
A young lady at a recent fashiona-
BILE church wedding in New York,
seated herself on the back of a pew foT
better observation. but seriously inter
rupted the ceremony by an involun'
tary somersault and attempt TO stand
on her head in the pew just behind.
1t is possible, said an experienced
uncle to an adoleseent nephew, to be
; tolerably comfortable in marriage, il
your wife enjoys good health and you
enjoy as much money as will enable
you to afford to crafty all her inelin-
atoms besides your own.
A San Francisco editor expresses
the unqualified belief that if Judas Is
CARROT had lived in hat city he would
never have hanged himself, but would
have stood q couple Of trials. disbursed
his thirty pieces of silver in q judi
eious manner, and been a free maj
to-day.
"Do you think 1 am a fool ?" a vic.
lent man once asked of the late Rev
DIR. Bethune. "Really," replied the
doctor, 81 would not have ventured
the assertion. but % that you ask
my opinion, I must say that l am moi
prepared to deny it,"
A poor but pious young man apollo
giz ed the other evening while making
a call, for the muddiness of his boots,
saying he had not taken a carriage
but had walked Up with commend
able economy" He was grieved when
the lovely being whom he adores in
quired why he " didn't ask MI. Econ
Omy in
"What are you drawing, Anna p
"Ise making your picture" So the
gentle Anna sat very still, and she
worked away very earnestly for
while. Then she stopped, compared
her work with the original, and shook
her little head. IT don't like il very
much" she said, "'Taint much like
you. L dess III put a tail to it and
call it a dog"
"That's where the boys fit for col
lege," said the Professor to Mrs. Par
tington, pointing to a school house.
IBID they ?' said the old lady with
animation. "Then, if they fit for the
college before they went, they didn't
fight afterwards"
1'Yes," said he smiling and favor
ing the eOneeit, "but the fight was
with the head, not with the hands,
"Butted, did they ?" said the old
lady.
There is one boy in Danbury who
didn't get anything in his stocking
Christmas. He left 3 pan of ashes on
the front stairs, to follow an organ
grinder, and a moment later his in
dulgeni father came crashing out of
the front door and down the front
stoop, accompanied by that pan and
its contents, and looking for all the
world like a real god riding in the
clouds. for a few minutes that boy
thought he had a pile driver for an
ancestor NeUs.