The weekly Arizona miner., 1873-09-06
Experiences of Benedick Dur ing the Absence of his Wife.

] find one in the following "stesk,' which we copy from the Montainan, of Virginia, M. T:
 Ma EDfroR;-What jolly thing it is for
 a married man to induce his wife to make a visit to the country Mine left about three
 weeks ago Hope she is having good time for now can exercise my right as head ot
 the family. Woman cannot comprehend the
 necessities of man and therefore men are restricted by their wives from doing things
 they ought to do, and are made to do things
 they ought not to do. Now, for instance, St.
 Paul, or Byron, I do not st present call to mind which, hut it's of no consequence. as both are good authority, said, "Man being ! reasonable, must get drunk" When my | wife was. at home m opportunity 10 prove | the truth or falsity of this maxim was denied | me. But just soon as she lcft l tried it | on; I joined the nightherd during court week, when all the old by-you nightherders | were over from Helena, and we had jolly l time. got home one night very early, say about 2 AM. My wife mislaid the keyhole before she left, in anticipation of my coming home tired. just to vex me. know she did, and 1t took me two hours to find it. tried every crack in the palings and every opening between the stones of the wall and was just about calling one of my neighbors and ask ing him 1T he had carried on my front door he is in tic habit of taking things away from my premises-when 1 discovered that the trouble came from an oversight of my own, as the kcybole was stopped up with the key;
 my wife left it there to bother nc. knew
 she did, for nobody but woman would have
 ever thought Of leaving a key in such an
 outlandish place. This being the case, and
 being little abscnt-minded, and not finding
 the key in my pocket where it should have
 .sl.. n. At..N. L..
 my pocket, one of Winners bar spoons. and, naturally enough was trying to open the door with that. l got into my house at last, and in the dark, fell over q chair and telescoped my nose in . spittoon. got some tobacco ! juice in my eyes and few quids in my hair, which was not so jolly, but then there was never sweets without some sours Life is a kind of bittersweet anyway. l know l z hunted for ten minutes for something to wipe l. my eyes out with, and just as one would ex- Q pcct, my wife had put everything away ex- l. cept some of the baby's underclothes. As a matter of course, did not think anything of that kind would be laying .around, and l .. nsed it, but can say without fear of contra
 diction, that such things are not good, even
 10 wipe tobacco from out of ones eyes. ?, hung my hat on the chandelier, and in doing
 so pulled that down, and just to spite my n wife went to bed with my boots on didn't IS think it was any use to pull them of any way, ss had to get up at o'clock the next evening to join thc herd again. Now if my
 wife had been at home she might have made
 it warm for me staying out late, polling It down the chandelier, and turning over the n spit. box, aud would have had me looking foi
 the boot jack for two hours. But thank
 goodness she wasn't at home. 1 went to bed Q and dreamed of ambrosial founts, mountain h rilIs, babbling brooks, etc, and thought n was Geyser and that there was a steady d stream of hot salt water continually pouring r. out of my mouth. got up for some water,
 and not remembering that l had through
 haste in the morning emptied the wash wstei
 back into the pitcher again, drank out of thu
 same found t little soApy, but Deverthe
 is~s it was cool, and needed that which wa
 cooling more than did that which was wet
 being very hot at my wife for not having two
 pitchers in the room. My system required
 rest though, and curbed my anger and re
 turned to dream that was Mount Vesuyu
 and had A little more fire in me than couIC
 spit out. attributed that to the carbon il
 the wash water that drank. Mir. Editor
 some men might consider these little thing
 unpleasant, but the satisfaction of having m
 one to make you change your shirt, coml your hair and black your boots every morn ing, more than repays for such little disa E greeables. Now l can wear q shirt week if e want to, and generally want to- Now
 don't have 10 look all over the house for ed hat, for have one in every room, lying ban
 dy on a chair. My boots and shoes are als ce kept AS convenient, and anybody could te H. just by looking in the door that there va
 no woman about wearing the furniture an an carpets out dusting and sweeping. The 2)
 flowers she left me to cultivate don't thin , a will produce much of a crop. They're nesrl
 all ripe now and there's no sign of fiow' pm yet. have watercd them twice since sh
 left, but 1t did no good l reckon they mi, ise her and are pining away because she ain
 here. In this respect they do not resemb Dy- me 10 any alarming extent. Our kitche
 never looked better. The stove and piy tbs have assumed a beautiful red tint, and Il hat pots are bringing forth fine crop of whit on- looking vegetable mould, which l havn
 learned the name Of, but she'Il know it wh' cry she comes. The dishes don't look quite
 bright and clean as they might, but the fi iile are bad this year. ard if I were to wash the
 every two weeks they wouldn't present r 'or- spectable appearance. I am going to [ 'ge. Byron sgain tonight. and if the old la'
 don't get back before your next issue, " ,,, give you my experiences.
 V Yours resDtiiy OID ,lofIY