The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-15
II MoRous ITEMS.

a"oo Va MA ySdlo Oluy MHOnO udnG was
Martha. In the same house with this little
lass lived a maiden lady of very unpleasant
ways, whose delight it was to "pester''
the small Martha with questions, by which
means Martha had come to much dislike
Miss Pump. Once Martha made visit to
Boston. When she returned, Miss Pump
set upon her. Whereat this colloqug:
" Where ye been, Marthy?'
"To Boston, Miss Pump"
ella And who'd ye see there, Marthyq'
"Oh / saw IA angel"
MY And what'd the angel say,
Marthy ?''
I" He said, How do you do, pretty little
girl P"
"Sakes And what else dye see, Marthy?''
"Oh, l saw saw-the Deyil ~
Marcy And whatd he say, Marthy?''
"He said 'How's my good friend, Miss
Pump p"
The Pump became suddenly dry.
sB nervous individual once entered q
baggage car and commenced overhauling
the baggage. The baggage-master, after
eyeing him moment, accosted him rather
gruffly with
WHAT'S wanting sirp
"Im looking for my trunk" demurely
answered the nervous man.
"Pll take care of your trunk sir that's
my business, +" Ietorted b. NJ.
go, am aware of that, sir, but would
always much rather have my trunk, under
my eye ~
"Well, then, sir, you should have been
born an elephant, and then you could have
your trunk under your eye the whole timeu'
CB- Sam, 1 thought you were going to
Wilmington yesterday"
$50 l was Sol but missed 1.-THE boat"
Chow was that ?"
"Why, just as 1 got down to the.wharf
the boat pushed out into the stream.'
"Why, didn't youscall them to come
back?
81 did, Sol. hollored, as loud as l
coul Id Captain, captain l want to get
aboard p
"What did he say?'
"Why, says he: Just stop where you
are and take one out of the fence %
GB- Jones had worried Smith with con-
undrums very often and now .it was
Smiths turn. "Guess what / did last
night ?" said Smith Jones thought of var
ious and sundry improbable things, and
suggested the making of speech, the
doing of kindness, the getting himself in
the lookup, and finally gave up the conun-
drum in despair. "Well," said Smith, in
a triumphant tone, 81 slept"
GEE A minister in Wilton, having mar
ried young fellow, was asked what was
his price. The pastor said that the law
gave him 81. Well," said the BRIDE
groom, "if the law gives you 50, there is
fifty cents, so that now you have two dol
lars and half" and before that parson
could shut his eyes the married pair were
off on their honeymoon.
B"An irregular apprentice frequently
keeping late hours, his master at length
took occasion to apply some weighty ar
guments to convince him of the "error of
his ways" During the chastisement, he
continually exclaimed: "How long will
you continue'to serve the d-p'' The boy
replied, whimpering: "You know best
sir; l believe my indenture will be out in
three months !"
B- "John" relates the following bit of
conversation he had with an acquaintance
He said he used to write for the papers
once, and meeting an editor one day, the
editor said that he would like something
from the pen," and says he, "what do you
think sent him?''
Essays ], "Give it up"
Says he, ".Well,he said he wanted some
thing from my pen, SO sent him a pig"
"a Wants wife.--A Lunenburg, Mass,
young man thus makes his wants known:--
81 want to get me good respectable
young Lady twenty eight years old for me
Wife Want one that can spin and weave
i would like to get farmers Daughter
want new hampshire girl for me wife
one that likes to do house work would like
wife soon.
tB- A Detroit negress allowed gem
tleman of that city to name her baby, in
consideration of a two dollar bill. The
poor little thing was christened William
Henry Washington Colfax Grant Seipio
Brutus Halifax Weed Joshua Long Jack
Madison Buffalo Bill Saunders.
IB- There must be two sides to perfect
bargain. So thought Florida sheriff,