davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
VARIETIES.

A TEXAS paper publishes marriage
notices under the head of "Lost.
CAL1roRN1A mosquitoes have gone to
killing horses.
"DEAp men pay no bills" said
shrewd old physician to young one;
"keep 'em alive, keep 'em alive"
ApANDY asked BARRIERS boy if he
had ever shaved a monkey. "No sir,
answered the lad, "but if you will take
seat I'll try"
"WHAT," said teacher to pupil,
smakes you feel uncomfortable after
YOU have done wrong?'' My papa's
big leather strap" feelingly replied the
boy.
In a recent article On fair IN his
locality, the e1itor of a Western paper
says brother editor took valuable
premium, but an unkind policeman
made him put it right back where he
took it from.
FAsH1oSABLE lady coming out OF
church .What powerful sermon! L
was never before so impressed with the
duty and privilege of giving freely. L
SIN determined to do better, and to send
this verv week another silk dress to my
daughter" ,"
"VHo dares to spit tobacco juice on
this car floor ?" savagely asked a bury
passenger on the Mobile train. IL
dar e." quietly replied slender YOUTH
and he did it. "You're the chap I'm
looking for" said the rutfian; "glVe me
chaw."
ASourHERS paper has these amonglts
personals "S.. Paul is way out West
win Minnesota. St. John will spend
the summer in New Brunswick. Elmira
is in New York. Elizabeth is in New
Jersey. Marietta is in Ohio. Char
lotte is in North Carolina and Augusta
is down here in Georgia. They don't
intend visiting each other this season.
A VEGETABLE gardener called at a
newspaper office the other day, and IN
cuired very anxiously if the editor had
cen anything in the ! alers lately about
q worm that was doing much damage to
celery. "I intended" said he, "to
have raised good deal of celery this
year. but 1 don't think it will pay if that
celery grub that started at Washington
awhile since, about what I have hearn
so much ON, is coming this way" A
light dawned upon the editors mind
The "Salary Grab.
ExrRAcrfroma a Virginian swil: "lwll
to nv nephew, James Madison NJ,
everything 1 may have after my Just
debts are paid, with condition that after
am buried he is to have marble head
and footstone put to my grave, to De
seven foot long and four inches thick.
want the following inscription cut
rron both ends of each slab: Henry
Nj. born Dec. 16, 1905; died -.
He was a great turkey-hunter and a
tolerably good fiddler. He desired the
above to be placed on this slab. Peace
be to his ashes" ...- r....=.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
" BECKY MILLER"

Go way, Becky Miller, &c way!
1 don't lofe you now, not Won small le:tle BIT.
AIy dream was played oud, please got up and
git,
Your false-headed va,s I can't go long nit,
Go way, Becky Miller, go way;
Vas all der young voomans SO false-head like you,
Nit face nice und bright und heart plack und
blue, .ti
Und all der While schwearin you lofed me so true,
Go way, Becky Miller, go way!
We vcnce dought you vas sthar way up high,
1 like you 50 better gogonut pie,
But, oh, Becky Miller you seem now big lie
Go way, Becky Miller, 60 way!
You dook all der presents vat did present,
Yes, gobbled up .s,Iy blamei Won vat sent
All der While IN annuder young rooster you vent
Go yay, Becky Miller, go way!
Ven first found oud dot youse such big he,
didn't know yedder TO schmudder or die,
But now, py der jingo! don't often CRY.
Go way, Becky Miller, go vsyl
DON'T try to make bleef you vas sorry aboud.
don't beef dings vat comes out of your moud,
Und beside don't care, for now you're blayed oud,
Go vay, Becky Miller, go way;
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
TIE BEA UTIES OF LITIGA TON.
The beauties of going to law have re-
cantlv had n most striking exemplifca-

The beauties of going to law have re-
Gently had a most striking exemplihca-
ton in Boulder City, Col. Two parties
quarreled a year or so ago about the
metes and bounds of their lots or
claims. The strip of terra firma in dis
pute was sixty feet long by one and a
half inches wide! Suit was brought,
Judgment rendered, and an appeal
taken. 1t has gone on until the third
trial has just been had-and the jury
didn't agree. On the last trial there
were engaged one judge, four attorneys,
the Sheriff of the county and several
bailiffs, and nearly fifty witnesses. and
twelve iurymen The costs of the last
trial amounted to $4,5l2.G5 and the
parties are no nearer the end of theiI
troubles than when they commenced.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
THE OLEARY COW AGAIN.

That inevitable, irrepressible bovine
of Mrs. OLeary's will come to the sur
face now and then. Here is the latest !:
The A,banv Journal reminds people
that while they are marveling over the
$40 900 COW recently sold in New York
State, they should not forget the animal
formerly in the possession of Mrs.
OLeary, of Chicago, which cost in the
neighborhood of $500, 0,00O, 900,
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
A GOOD SIGN.

The confidence of the European press
in the stability of our financial condl-
ton is one of the most cheering features
of the present trouble. They are agreed
upon all hands that the country is III a
most prosperous condition, and that the
excitement is the result only of spon-
taneous effort to throw off the excres-
cences of our rapid growth.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
JOHN HOWARD PAYNE.

TThe subjoined ode by John C. SAKE Was read
he author at the unveiling CT the bronze bus,
ohm Howard Payne, in Prospect Park, Brookly
n the 2sth ult.:
To him who sang of " Home, sweet horne"
In strains 30 sweet the simple lay
Has thrilled million hearts, We come
nations grateful debt to pay.
Yet not for him the bust we raise;
All, no! can lifeless lips prolong
Fame's trumpet voice? The poets praise
Lives in the music OF his song.
The noble dead VIC fondly seek
To honor with applauding breath;
Unheeded fa,l the words we speak
Upon :" The dull, cold ear Of DEATH
Ye. not in vain the spoken word;
Nor vain the monument we raise:
With quicker thrCbs our hearts are still
To catch the nobleress We praise,
III.
Columbia's sCns-we share his fame;
'Tis for ourselves the bust We rear,
That they who mara the craven name
May know that name to us is dear;
Dear as the home the exile sees
The fairest spot beneath the sky
Where, frst-upon mothers knees
He slept, and where he yearns to die.
".
But not slonr the lyric fire
Was lis; ; the Dramas muse can tell
His genius could q Kean inspire
A Kemble owned his magic spell;
A Kean, TO Brutus'" self so true
(As true to Art and Natures laws),
He seemed the man the poet drew,
And shared with him the towns applause.
Kind hearts and brave. with truth severe
He drew, unconscious, from his OWL;
nature rare! But pilgrims here
VIII oft'nest say, in pensiye tone,
With rcverent face and lifted hand,
"rTwas he-by Fortune forced 10 roam
Who, homeless IN foreign land,
So sweetly sang the joys of home!"
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
FRENCH WAX INDEMNITY.

1t is generally supposed that the
whole indemnity paid by the French to
tho Germans was five milliards. But
this is great mistake the amount was
much nearer six and half milliards.
The items, as now published, are as fol-
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17

MrrrENs are coming into fashion
again. Spinsters are delighted. Those
Of black lace, we presume, will be the
correct thing"
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17

BLACK velvet sleeveless sacques VIII
he fashionable next winter.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17

Co1oRApo will complete 355 miles OF
railway this year.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17
OFFICE OF THE ATToRNEY-GENERAL
N.suISarON Sent @ 1h73.
From the New York Times.l

Senator Thurman's statements i'll his Waver-
" speech are untrue and unjust to the depart
ment and it's officers. He speaks of large ex-
pepditures in Arkansas, North Carolina and
Florida The Indian country Is attached to
tbc Western District of Arkansas. Prisoners
and witnesses are often conveyed 500 miles to
court. There were l43 convictions in 1872.
(Senator Thurman said that there had not
bcen a conviction of Ku-Klux reportcd.) }
Two successive marshals i'll that district have
been removed because it was believed here
that they had not properly exerted themselves
man said that the rascals had been kept in
office Senator Thurman says that no report
of these expenses had been made. This is
not true. MIR. Roots, who was marshal there
| in the wear 1872, has not only reported his ex-
nenses, but his accounts upon proper vorch-
ers have been fully settled at the Treasury,
! and balance found due and paid to him. He
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17

ERRORS viii sup through a crack,
while truth will get stuck in the door
way.
The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1873-10-17

TThe subjoined ode by John C. SAKE Was read by
the author at the unveiling CT the bronze bust of
John Howard Payne, in Prospect Park, Brooklyn,
on the 2sth ult.:
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
WOODSTOCK, VT., THURSDAY, JULY 10, 1878.

erful weapons in the hands of the peo
pie, through the press, to overthrow
the dynasty that now defes while it
rides them. If Pennsylvania could
only be redeemed between this and the
next general election, the good effect
would be felt all over the country.
No more such grossly fraudulent re.
suits as those of last Fall could be an
nounced in any State Of the Union.
The people owe it to themselves to
stand by this reform in the libel law,
for it gives them rights and powers out
of which they have been tricked by
the most corrupt legislation recorded.
There are other reforms launched by
the Convention, relating to the Exec
utive Office and its functions, to spe-
cial legislation, to numerical increase
Of each branch of the Legislature, and
to the residence Of voters previous to
offering their suffrage all of which
are known to be strenuously opposed
by the powerful Philadelphia rings,
where the fight for reform is to be des-
perate and protracted.-BoSton Post.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
BlaCking the Stove.

1t is very rarely, indeed, man
leaves his wife in bed asleep and slips
softly into the kitchen to surprise her
by putting polish on the cook stove.
When he does do it is an event of
some Importance in the family history,
and the way he does it affords materi-
al for edifying reflection for days at a
time. He first moistens the backing
by filling the saucer to the brim with
water. Some Of this he spills on his
pants, but generally manages to get
the greater part of it on the carpet
Then he grasps the brush firmly in his
right hand and setting the saucer on
the floor where it is handy to step in,
he goes to work, and for the next
fifteen minutes a most astounding
complication Of noises proceeds from
that kitchen. There is the whisk Of
the brush as it glides over the smooth
places, and then sharp rap as it
comes in contact with an unexpected
angle There is a sort OF Kissing
noise made by himself, and which in
dcates that the stove is occupying his
entire attention. And that is OCCASION
ally relieved by sundry exclamations
which may or may not have reference
to the work in hand-such as "Ouch!'
"C-h-r-i.s-t o,p-h-e-r = I" Merciful
heaven" "Thunder and tightening"
and the like. The final noise is a
snap of something like crockery,
which is slightly mixed with proper
proportion of pure English, and about
this time the sharer of his joys and
sorrows makes her appearance in the
picturesque attire woman always as
sumes at that hour-corsets and hoop
skirts predominating and the spec
tacle her eyes fall upon is astonishing
to the farthest extreme. The stove
appears in a halfdress uniform of
backing and ashes, and seems to be
taking a lively interest in the whole
affair, while the man Of the house, ap-
parently nveted to the spot, stands
there in his shirt-sleeves, staring with
all his might at spot in the carpet,
and vairly endeavoring to compre-
hend bow it all happened, while
patches of agreeable luster illuminate
his face and shirt-front, and stove
backing and raw spots equally di-
vide possession of his hands. He has
skinned every knuckle on both hands,
and broken the saucer by stepping
into it, and got the ashes into the
carpet, and snapped the handle from
the brush. She takes it all in at
glance, and with true womanly SYM
pathy, says, "Well, l hope you are
satisfied now." And the expression
of his face attests more eloquently
than words that he is.-Dan. Ne,Os.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
WHOLE NO. 1916
"0ur Son Fred"

On Tuesday and Wednesday last
Col. Fred Grant, son of the President,
laid over at Yankton to take in the
beauties and sights Of that promising
young city, Yankton is especially
noted for the number of its people
within its limits whose undisputed
boast is that they can stow away more
whiskey and show less indications of
their cargo than the residents of any
other town on the Missouri river of
three times the number Of inhabitants.
Thinking that Col. Grants visit would
be fitting opportunity to display
their special prowess, they organized
a scheme to get the Colonel drunk.
Everything seemed propitious for the
accomplishment of their projects the
Colonel drank and they drank; they
toasted each other, and drank and
toasted each other, and although they
drank often, they drank sparingly, but
the fact that the Colonel was apparent
ly falling into their trap so readily
overcame them, and they hastened the
steady repetition of the drinks, and it
was not long before the oldest war
horses Of Bacchus in Yankton began
to show signs Of weakness in the
knees and a general limberness of the
body. But strange to relate, the in
Vulnerable drinks indulged in by the
eldest son of the President seemed to
have as little effect on him, as water
on ducks back. At three o'clock on
" ednesday morning the billiard hall
and adjacent passages in the Mer-
chants Hotel were strewn with the
wrecks of dozen men whose powers
Of endurance hadnever before been so
terribly tested and signally failed.
When the last man had fallen from his
post, and lay in promiscuous helpless
ness at the feet of their conquerer, the
son of the President called on Major
P. II. Howard, the presiding genius of
the Merchants Hotel billiard hall, for
a gin sling and q cigar, casually re-
marking that he believed he would re-
tire, but he was sorry his Yankton
friends had so easily allowed good
whiskey and his society to 50 quickly
overcome them. In peace or war, mid
the rumble of cannon or jingle Of
glasses, the Grant family retain their
prestige and preserve their fame.-,Si-
our City Times.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10

1t is said that there is a boy in
Concord, N. H., who can repeat the
multiplication table backwards, and he
is only nine years old. We know
that boy. We were never in Concord
but we know him. We lived next
door to that boy when we were boy,
and it is not so long but that we re-
member him distinctly. He always
went to bed at eight o'clock and had a
slight cough. He brushed his hair
back of his ears, and carried a store
handkerchief, and when he played
marbles it was to win. He always got
home from school before we did, and
employed the interval in detailing to
his mother the "belting" that boy
next door was getting. And indeed
we were getting it, but there was no
special interest in it for other folks.
He was the model boy, the boy our
parents use to point to and speak of in
tones of mingled admiration and re-
gret, while uniting us for sitting on
anything harder than poultice. He
never ran away from school, nor stole
money; but he use to throw mud on
old people when they wernt looking,
and unselfshly throw the credit on us.
And then to see that boy come round
with jam on his bread! that was the
last feather-that was the climax to
all the sorrows our young heart knew.
We could have willingly forgiven ev-
erything else, but that jam upset us.
1t went right down into our heart of
hearts, and it rankles there yet. 1t
sent us into the house bawling for jam
and getting it, but not on our bread.
We remember that with ghastly dis
tinctness.-Dan6ury Ne,cs.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
Open the Shutters.
BY KATE WOODLAND.

"Open the windows and let in the sum-"
Cheerily thus the poem did rum
But where have read it, Or how long ago,
Or what the next line Is, I'm sure dent know I;
But often have thought, rs 1 called it to mind,
The advice it contained was both needful and
kind
And think 'twould be well, in more place
than one.
To ''open the shutters and let in the SUM-
Those one-idea Christians, both foreign and
near,
Who think that religion is sombre and drear,
Who wear long face, and love sad voice,
And think it is wicked to laugh and rejoice
Whose hearts are shut out of Gods beauty so
tight
That they're covered with midew and wasted
with blight
Would find their enjoyment had only begun,
If they'd open the shutters and let in the sun.
The young man whose talents by nature are
fine,
Who is wasting them idly on euchre and wine,
Who has seed rich and plenteous sown in his
heart.
Where the weeds are abundant, preventing
their start
Would find, if he'd pile up the rubbish around,
And cut down the weeds that oershadow the
ground,
Buds, blossoms and fruit would appear one by
one.
AS he opened the shutters and let in the sun
There are some idle women, both youthful and
old,
Whose hearts are imprisoned in fashions
strong hold
Whose thoughts range no deeper or loftier than
A love of bonnet, Or duck of a fan.
would they could see with one glance of the
eye,
All the woe, want, and misery of the earth
sweeping by;
l thinks new light on their spirits would dawn,
AS they opened the shutters and let in the sun.
Now, if l have stolen some poets fine verse,
And clothed it in garments that make it look
worse,
really am sorry, but do not see how
The poet can help it, or either, now;
My muse wouldn't wait while | searched DER
and DER
For the poem read such long time before,
OF whose numerous lines remember but one
"Open the shutters and let in the SUM-"
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
10000 GIF Il S
$5O0'00O

On TUESDAY, JULY 9th, 1873,
the THIRD GRAN GIFT CONCERT, under
the management of Ex-Governor Thos. f..
Bramlctte, and authorized by special act of
the Legislature, for the benefit of the Public
Librrry of Kentucky, positively and un-
equivorally comes off in Public Library Hall +,
at Louisville. KY, when 10000 Gifts, all cash.
amounting to $5O0,OOO, will be distributed by
lot among the ticket-holders. The money to
pay these gifts in full is already in bank and
set aside for that purpose, as the following
certificate shows
Office of Farmers and Drovers' BANK,
Louisville, KY, April I, 1873.
This is to certify that there is in the FARM
ERs' AND DRovEs' BANK, to the credit of the
Third Grand Gift Concert for the benefit of
the Public Library of KY, Five Hundred
Ehusand Dollars, which has been set
apart by the Managers to pay the gifts in full,
and will be held by tie Bank and paid out for
this purpose, and this purpose only.
[Signed.l II. S. VEECH. CASHIER.
Only fow tickets remain unsold, and they
will be furnished to the first applicants at the
following prces: Whole tickets, $40 halves,
So quarters, $3.50 II wholes for $lOC /;
So for $500 ll3 for 81, 900, and SIS for S. 900
For tickets and full information, apply to
THOS. L. BRAMLETTE,
Louisville, Ky,
or THCS. II. HAYS & CO.,
6O9 Broadway, New York.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10


men, which appears in regular success
sion in the Fat Contributors Satur.
day Night The following is a sam
pie.
EMINENT WOMEN-LOT S WIFE.
Mrs. Lot was chiefly remarkable in
history as a woman who turned into a
pillar Of salt. Women turn into salt
nova days, but it is sat and battery
This misfortune overlook her while
fleeing from the doomed city of So
dom in company with Mr.. Lot and lots
Of little Lots. She was required not
to look back, lut true to the instincts
OF her sex she did Tell a woman she
must not do thing and she is very
apt to do it. She probably met some
woman going to Sodom to see the fire
works and couldn't resist the feminine
impulse to turn and see what they had
on. Lots of wives would have done
as Lots wife did. Enforce such an or
dinance now and pillars of salt would
stand so thick on the street pedestar-
ianism would become impossible, and
Syracuse saltworks be abandoned.
Lot seems to have pushed right along
as though nothing had happened.
But what did he want of a salt wife
when 1t is so easy to get fresh one?
How long Mrs. L. remained a stand
ing advertisement of the salt business
we do not know. No mention of her
subsequent career is anywhere to be
found.
Whether she opened refreshment
stand and catered to the curious crowd
who tlocked to see the ruins of the
faded cities of the plain-became a
caterpillar, as it were-we are unable
to say. A woman who could turn in
to pillar of salt ought to be able to
turn her hand to almost anything. If
she had anything of the yankee about
her she would have rented little
room (shall we say salt rheum) and
gone into the show business. She
would have been a great card and
made a good deal more than her salt.
Relics of Sodom, Gomorrah, Chicago,
Boston, etc, would have sold well TO
tourists, although they would be com
PEELED to take the histories of them
with grain of salt. Mrs. L. could
have retired after few years with a
handsome competency for, of course
every nickle she took would be salted
down.
She would have been a well-preserv-
ed woman to a good old age, and con-
tented with her lot. no doubt, although
Lot don't seem to have been very well
contented with her. Growing rich
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10

from her exhibiting herself as the Salt
woman, and having invested her funds
judiciously in corner lots, greedy ad-
venturers would attempt to corner
Lots wife, casting lots who should
have her.
The case of this unfortunate wo-
man, turned into apillar of salt, was
very sad one. In fact it was about
as sad a pillar-case rs we know of.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10

To KEEP FLIES FROM Picture
FRAMEs.-Boil four onions in pint of
water, then take clean brush, wash
your frames over with this liquid, and
the flies will not light on them. This
onion water will not injure the frames,
and the odor soon disappears. 1t is
better than unsightly gauze covering:
to your pictures.
Spirit of the age. [volume] (Woodstock, Vt.) 1845-1913, 1873-07-10
VOL. 33: NO 3S
Is PUBLISHED EVERY THUR3DAY,
Bl WILLIAM ID. McMASTER.
TERMs-Sl.50 in advance aiterthrce months
&l.15; at the end Of the Yenr, So 90.

$l.75; at the end OF the year, $2,OO.
TERMS FOR ADVERTISING.
For one square or less of this type, one in
serion, $l.0O; for each subsequent Insertion
25 cents. Unless the number OF insertions are
marked on the advertisement it will be con-
tinued till ordered out. Liberal discount to
merchants and others advertising by the year.
Probate and Commissioners Notices. S3.0C
each.
For notices of Libcrations, Estrays, the
Formation and Dissolution Copartnershps,
etc, $lj0 each, for three insertions. II sent
by mail the money must accompany the letter.
Notices in news columns, 10 cents per line
each insertion. but no charges made of less
than 80 cents.
Notices of Deaths and marriages inserted
gratis, but extended obituary Notices or Poetry
will be charged at the rate of five cents per
line
Business Cards, not exceeding four lines,
inserted under special heading for $3 year.
s. NJ. PETTENGILL & Co., GEO. p. RowELL
n Co., New York and Boston, are our author
lied Agents to receive subscriptions and ad,
vertiscments for this paper at the lowest rates.