The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-09-12
NUMBER 80.
MOTHER EVE.
BY THE 'rAr coSTR1pUroR. ;,

In writing the biographies of eminent
women it is eminently fit that we begin
with mother Eve herself. Eve belonged
to one of our first families-in fact, the
very first She was related to the first man
on the Adam side, although she had deep
cause to lament that she ever left Adams
side. Philosophers who have probed deep
into the subject connect Ewes early career
as n rib with the female fondness for rib
bon. Eve became Mrs. Adam; and they
lived very happily together for time.
There was no other woman FOR her TO be
Jealous OF, and her husband WASH t pestered
with dressmaker's bills. She wasn't tor
tured by discovering love letters from un-
known femhlcs IL Adams coat tail pocket
anu Adam never blew her up because his
buttons weren't sewed on. Eve never saw
a fashion plate, never wore high-heeled
shoes (she made slip, but she couldn't
! make slipper, or chignOns and if there
had been lots of newspapers printed, she
wouldn't have known how to make back
numbers available. 1t never occurred to
her to 90 into the lecture-held, and as for
voting, she did not know what it meant.
If they were going out to an evening party
she didn't keep Adam waiting for her until
he was ready to Adam everything, and he
was never known TO como home with an
other mans hat or overcUat on.
How Eve could live without another
woman to gossip with it is hard to under
stand at this day: but she did. Adam is
supposed to have been kept in n glow of
continual happiness by the reflection that
he hadn't any mother-in-laW lying around,
and couldn't have. Oh, but those were
delightful days when our parents, in their
simplicity, wandered about Eden Park,
hand in hand, discussing the improvements
that might be made; here an avenue, there
a promenade, here an archway and there
a tunnel for an effluent pipe. They might
have had plan for filling up Deer Creek
for what we know.
There is little record as to how mother
Eve employed herself when not wandering
III Eden. There was no sewing society for
herto be president of, there We're no clothes
to be made up for the little heather, as
there were very little heather until the set
Jlement of New York city, She couldn't
play the piano, because she had none. Had
she possessed one of those boons she would
probably have driven her husband out of
paradise without the intervention of the
serpent. She couldn't paint or draw.
There wasn't drawer on earth al that time
to say nothing about pair of 'em. She
couldn't receive calls, except when Adam
called her, and got no invitations out to
tea. She was totally ignorant of the de-
lights of shopping, and never attended a
matinee in all her life. When she went
ont to promenade she never looked around
to see what other women had on.
There was some compensation for being
the only woman in the world. Eve wasn't
bothered with 'hired girl" She didn't
know what it was to have Bridget in the
kitchen. She was spared the annoyance
of changing the kitchen girls every week,
and there were no 'fellers'' hanging around
the kitchen steps.
Everything seemed to go well with Eve
| until the fruit season set in, and then-wel
J e--es,- eLiId I4Iovvs the story. She was
tempted into an apple tree to pluck some
fruit that wasn't quite ripe, and fell. Ad-
am fell, tOO-that is, he fell-to and helped
eat it, although, with meanness some
what characteristic of his sex, he endeav-
orcd to throw all the blame on the woman
when detected. Too lazy to shake the tree
himself, he was ready enough to partake
Of the fruit when brought to his hand.
After this faug pas Adam and Eve were
obliged TO take their respective leaves of
Eden. They were tig-leaves. Eve had
suddenly become possessed with love for
dress, and from that early period until the
present, that love has gradually increased
among the sex, until now it amounts to a
veritable passion with many of them. Eve
founded very extensive family. Besides
the Massachusetts Adams, the entire hu-
man family may trace back to Mr.. and
Mrs. Adam, if their traces are long enough.
We don't learn that Eve cut up very much
after that affair in the garden. If she
raised Cain" it was because Cain was
tough and hearty. If he had been sickly
child perhaps she wouldn't have been able
to raise him.
1t is recorded that Adam reached the
good old age of nine hundred and thirty
years before he died, but no mention is
made of Ewes age when she passed away.
The we'll known antipathy to telling her
are which characterizes women in all ages
and under every CLINE, may perhaps ac-
count FOR this.