The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1873-06-28
= head wind--a sneeze.
A corn extractor-A crow.

n smart tnlng-h mustard plaster.
A serious turn--Twisting ones neck
An application Of powdered bluoing
will instantly relieve the sting of an in
sect.
Chicago real estate operator to his
wife: "iDo you love me, dear 2" She /:
"Lots." [Kiss.] "Do you love me p
He: Corner Lots" [Ssveral kisses
y A clergyman said the other day that
modern young ladies were not the
daughters of Shem and Ham, but the
daughters of Hem and Sham.
An editor says his ancestors have beeu
in the habit of living h undred years.
His opponent responds by saying 'that
was before the introduction of capita |
punishment"
An English lady ate oysters all
through the month of August, when she
could get them, under the supposition
q, that there was an "r" in that month
"Orgust" was the way she spelled it.
An editor asserts that his ancestors
have been in the habit of living a hun
dred years. His opponent responds by
saying that "that was before the intro
duction of capital punishment"
A father in Massachusetts, who grew
Impatient at the prolonged stay of an
ardent admirer of his daughter, entered
the room and invited the young man to
remain to breakfast. The young man
declined the invitation.
The other morning jenkins announced
the price of tickets in an advertisement
of his coming lecture, as follows; "Tick-
cts fifty cents. Children supplied at the
some rates" During the afternoon he
received orders for three and pair Of
twins.
A physician, on presenting his bill to
the executor Of the estate of deceased
patient, asked, "Do you wish to have
my bill sworn to?" "No," replied the
executor "the death of the decedcnt
is sufficient evidence that you attended
him professionally"
A farmers daughter out West rcceiv-
cd hairy poodle dog from friend in
New York. The unsophisticated dam
sci wrote back thanking her friend for
the present, and saying that she found
it very handy, whom tied to stick, to
clean windows with.
An Indian complaining to rumselIer
that the price of his liquor was too high,
the latter, in justification, 'said: That
1T cost as much to keep hogshead of
brandy ms to keep cow" "Maybe he
drink so much water" replied the Indian
"but lie no eats so much hay"
81 am not used to begging" said
little girl to lady Of whom she had ask
ed aims, because only two weeks ago
my pa was a merchant "Why, how
could he be reduced to poverty so soon ?"'
"My father took bad two dollar bill at
his peanut stand, and it ruined him."
sobbed the child
"Mcst extraordinary" said Sergea Mt
Warren, the author of "T+n thousand
Year," who was always boasting of his
visits to great houses: Il dned at the
Duke Of Northumberland on Monday,
and there was no fish for dinner" ""No,"
cried Douglas Jerrod; "they had eaten
it up stairs"
"Ah!" said old Mrs. Doosenbcrry,
Charming is great thing, I've ofteu
felt the need oft. Will you believe it,
I'm now sixty years old, and | only know
the name of three months in the year;
aud them's spring, summer and au tumn.
/ larnt them when l was little bit of
gal p
josh Billings was asked, GLOW fast
does sound travel p His idea is tn II
It depends a great deal upon the noise
you arc talking about, "the sound Of
dinner horn, for instance, travels half a
mfe in second while an invitation
tew cit up in the morning have known
to be 3 quarters Nv an hour goin up 2
pair of stairs, and then not have
strepghth enufe to be heard"
The unjust charges of bankrupt Off
GERS have at last attracted the attention
Of Virginia Judge. In the Eastern
District Court Of Virginia an order has