The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-01-24
M i s. e g Han eou
MARK TWAIN'S LAST.
HOW I ESCAPED BEING KILLED IN A DUEL

The only merit l claim for the follow
ing narrative is that it is a true story. 1t
has moral at the end of it, but claim no.
thing on that, as it is only thrown in to
curry favor with the religious element.
| After | had reported q couple of years
on the Virginia City (Nevada) Daily Enter
prise, they promoted me to be editor-in-
chief-and l lasted just week by the
watch. But made it an uncommonly live
ly newspaper while did last, and when I
retired 1 had duel on my hands, and three
horse -whippings promisedme. The latter l
made no attempt to collect; however, this
story concerns only the former. 1t was the
old Flush times" of the silver excitement,
when Interpolation was wonderfully wide
and mixed everybody went armed to the
teeth, and all Sights and insults had to be
atoned for with the best article of blood
your system could furnish. In the course
of my editing | made trouble with q Mr.
Lord, editor of the rival paper. He flew
up about some little trife or other that l
said about him-I do not remember now
what it was. l suppose called him thief,
or body snatcher, or an idiot, or some
thing like that. | was obliged to make the
paper readable, and l could not fail in my
duty to whole community of subscri-
bers merely to save the exaggerated sensi-
tivcness of an individual. Mr. Lord was
offended, and replied vigorously in his pa
per. Vigorously means a great deal when
it refers to a personal editorial in a frontier
newspaper. Dueling was all the fashion
among the upper classes in that country,
and very few gentlemen would throw away
an opportunity to fight one. To kill per-
son in duel caused man to be even more
looked up to than to kill two persons in
the ordinary way. Well, out there, if you
abused man, and that man did not like
it, you had to call him out and kill him /;
otherwise you would be disgraced. SO l
challenged Mr.. Lord, and did hope he
would not accept; but | knew perfectly
well that he did not want to fight, and so
challenged him in the most violent and
implacable manner. And then sat down
and suffered and suffered till the answer
came. All our boys-the editors--were in
our office, "helping" me in the dismal bus
mess, and telling about duels, and discuss
! ing the code with a lot of aged rufiians who
had experience in such things and altogeth-
er there was loving interest taken in the
matter, which made. me unspeakably I'M
comfortable The answer came-Mr Lord
declined. Our boys were furious, and so was
lon the surface.
sent him another challenge, and anoth-
er and another; and the more he did not
want to fight the bloodthirstier l became.
But at last the mans tone changed. He
appeared to be waking up. 1t was becom-
ing apparent that he was going to fight
me, after all. ought to have known how
it would be-he was man who never
could be depended upon. Our boys were
exultant. l was not, though tried to be.
1t was now time to go out and practice.
1t was the custom there to fight duels with
navy six shooters at fifteen PAGES, load and
empty till the game for the funeral was Sc
cured We went to little ravine just out
side of town, and borrowed barn door
for target-borrowed it of gentleman
who was absent and we stood this barn
door up, and stood rail on end against
the middle of it, to represent Lord, and put
a squash on top of the rail to represent his
head. He was very tall, lean creature,
the poorest sort of material for duel--no-
thing but u line shot could "fetch" him and
even then he might split your bullet. Ex-
aggeration aside, the rail was, of course, a
little too thin to represent his body accu-
ratcly, but the squash was all right. If
there was any intellectual difference be-
tween the squash and his head, it was in
favor of the squash.
Well, practiced and practced at the
barn door, and could not hit it; and prac-
ticed at the rail- and could not hit that
and tried hard for the squash, and could
not hit the squash. would have been en-
tirely disheartened, but that occasionally
crippled one of the boys, and that encour-
aged me to hope.