The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1873-11-14
sC4RED OUT OF 4 WIFE.
LAUGHABLE STORY.

/ ne narrative WHICH / am ABOUT TO write
was told me one bleak, cold night, in 4
country parlor. 1t was one of those nights
in mid-wiuter, when everything tingle with
its frosty breath, that was seated before
a blazing fire, surrounded by jolly, half
dozen boys and an old bachelor-A. Peter
Green-about forty and eight years old.
1t was just the night out to make those
within enjoy good story, SO each of us
had to tell his favorite, story, save Mr..
Green, and as he was a jolly old fellow,
we all looked for a jolly story. We were
somewhat surprised to hear him say, Il
have no story that would interest you,'' so
we had to find other entertainments for a
while, when one of the boys told me to
ask him how it happened that he never
got married. So l did.
''Weu, gentlemen he began, ''it don't
seem right for me to tell how that happen
ed, but as it is about myself l don't care
much. You see when Twas young we had
to walk as high as five miles to church and
singing school, which was our chief en-
joyment. But this don't have anything to
do with my not getting a wife, but 1 just
trOuble them days in getting our sport.
'JohH Smith and l were like brothers,
OF like Mary and her little lamb Where
one went the other was sure to go. So we
went to see two sisters, and as we were not
the best boys imaginable, the old gentle
man took umbrage and wouldn't allow US
to come near The house, SO VIC would take
the girls to the end of the lane, and there
we would have to take the final kiss.
1--WE soon got tired of that sort of fun,
and told John, on our way to singing
school one night, that l was going to take
Sadie home, and that was going into the
house, too.
''He said the old man would run me if I
did.
81 told him I was going to risk it any
how, let come what would.
''He said he would risk it if would
/ $50 home we went with the girls. Whom
we got to the end of the lane I told the
girls we puposed going all the way.
"They looked at each other in q way I
didn't like too well, but said they (the
old folks would be in bed, 50 they didn't
care if we did.
They were little more surprised yet
when told them we thought of going in
little while, but as all was quiet when we
got 20 the house, we had no trouble in get
ting into the kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court,
and 1 made up my mind to ask Sadie to
be my wife the next time l came
cit was now past the turn of the night,
and as we had four miles to walk, L told
John we would have to be going. So we
stepped out on the porch, but just as we
did SO, the sky was lit up by lightning
and one tremendous thunder peal rolled
along the mountain sides. Its echo had
not died out in the far off vaies until the
rain began to pour from the garnered full
ness of the clouds. We waited for it to
stop until we we've all sleepy, when the
girls said we should go to bed in the little
room at the head of the stairs which led
out of the kitchen, and as their father
didn't get up early we could be LONE be-
fore the old folks were astir. So, after
bidding the girls a sweet good d-night-and
hugging them little-and wishing them
pleasant dreams, and promising them to
come back on next Saturday night, we
started for bed.
1--WE didn't have far to go, as the bed
stood near the head of the stairs. John
was soon in beo, but as l was always a
little slow, and full of curiosity, 1 was
looking around the little room.
cat last l thought l would sit down on
chest which was spread over with a nice
white cloth, while | drew off my boots.
So down l sat, when stars of the east, l
went plump into big egg g-custard pie
81 thought John would die laughing, for
he said l had smashed that custaId all to
thunder, and broke the plate right il two.
''You see we had to be awful quiet 50
that the old man would not hear.
/ 81 was now ready to get into bed, so I
put the light out and picked up my boots,
thinking to put them in a more convenient
place, when down my one leg went through
a pipe-hole, which had been covered by
paper, up to my hip.
! ''Now one part of me was up stairs,
while the longest part was in the kitchen
! ''As my leg was very long it reached a
SHELF which was occupied by dishes, pans,
cofee-po.s, etc, and turning it over down
it went with tremendous crash
''The girls had not yet retired. and 1
could hear them laugh fit to split their
sides.
81 felt awful ashamed, and was scared
until my heart WAS in my throat, for ex-
pectcd the old man every moment.
II extracted my leg from the confound-
ed hole just in time, for the Old lady look
into the kitchen from the room door, and
asked what all that noise was about p
''The girls put her of rs best they could,
and I went to bed, while John was staang-
ling himself under the cover TO keep from
laughing aloud.