The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1873-03-01
Mr.. DatIfy's Mistake.
By MAX ADELER.

|
shall not attempt, as the editor of this pape
requests, to supply from my Imagination a stor
suitable to Saint Valentines day. Rather will
relate with what tenderness can the simple ant
pathetic facts in the case of Duffy.
Jim Duffy loved. He was not singular in thi
other Duffys had done the same thing; but i
was Jim Dnffy's peculiar fortune that while b.
loved but one woman, two women loved him. -
Miss Smith was the beautiful blue.eyed being t
whom be had given bis heart, and 10 whom hi
would cheerfuliy have given bis liver or his ribs
or any other portion OF his framework, if the Gus
tom Of society had made such an anatomical sur
render proper. Miss Canm was the faded flower
who had fixed her battered and venerable affec-
tons upon Mr. Duffy without any provocaton
having been offered by him. and Mr. Duffy hated
Clamm with quite as much intensity as he loved
Smith, because Clamm would always fasteu to
him at the church-eyenings and the eveningcom-
| panies, and gush over to him in the presence OF
the people, and insist upon bis company home at
lie very moment when he had determined to es-
cert Miss Smith.
And so, when st. Valentine day came round,
Duffy thought il would be clever idea to send
proposal of marriage to Miss Smith, and at the
same time TO cool the enthusiasm of Clamm with
an outrageous comic valentine of some kind
4 procured one of these Immediately, and then
Deurvsr rrzsiiss .sittr tiii death. =
Unhappy, it came to pass that Mr.. Duffy plsced
| each OF ;hese papers in the wrong envelope and
| while the comic affair went away to Smith, a di-
| rect proposal proceeded to Clamm. Nothing
| could bave been more unfortunate, for no sooner
did the ;.foresaid Clamm receive Dutfy's note than
| she suddenly did up her back hair, put on her
bonnet assumed her umbrella and gum shoes
and started by the shortest known route to James
Duffys residence.
| When the front door was opened, she dashed
past the hired girl and into the sitting-room,
where, finding Jim reading a newspaper, she
| flung her arms about his neck, dropped her head
| upon his shoulders aud her umbrella upon his
| corn and exclaimed
''Take me, take me, James Take me dearest !
am yours-yours forever ~
| As soon as Mr.. Duffy reganed his presence of
mind be struggled to disengage himself, while
he attempted 10 explain to her that he could not
| take her; that he did not want her that she
was not bis forever, for five minutes and that
if she did not remove her forehead from bis vest
and her umbrella from the vicinity of his toe, be
should be compelled TO call the police. But Miss
Camm would hear no explanation. She nestled
closer and closer TO bis waStcoal, and cried into
his watch pocket, and kept plunging her umbrel-
la about with such erraiic vigor, thatMr. Dufy's
left foot continually executed half of the waltz
excrescence from torture. But at last, Tuen
Clamm murmured something about fixing the
weddng-day and making il soon, jim Nnfy tore
himself away and fled to the garrel, where he
locked he door and tied the trap down Th rope,
lest tie lnviucible Clam.n should burst in upon
him from that direction.
Meantime, Miss Smith received the comic val
entine and recognizing Duffy handwriting up
on the envelope she was deeply panied and she
al, ab
ex PLANTATION of the matter by calling upon her
bosom friend the sister of Mr.. Duffy. So she
sailed out and reached the house. II happened
by very strange coincidence that her bonnet
and cloak bore kind of general resemblance TO
those worn by Clamm and Duffy, when he
heard the door-bell ring, locked out from the
garret window, and felt perfect! certain that the
lemorseless Miss Camm had returned for the pur-
rose Of impressing more firmly upon his mind
that she was his forever, and be could take her.
SO Duffy did most scaIdaloUs and ungenteman-
y thing. He emptied bucket OF water out of
the window upon the figure below.
Miss Smith went home damp and indignant.
little while after her return, Clamm, being in
pursuit of her Duffy, called upon Miss Smith,
hoping to find him there She waited in the par
lor while Miss Smith changed her clothing, and
meanwhile il really occurred to Mr. Duffy to go
10 Smiths and ask for an answer 10 his proposal.
1t was sunny day, and snow was upon the
=-aa-s1- r+Y--vuIE sTr-rvsrJ So y
handbreadth before him. But the eye OF Miss
Clamm was upon him. As he came into the par
or she few toward him. He perceived the in
distinct outline of a woman's figure. he was OF
course sure that it was Miss Smith, and he felt
certain that she was about TO express her feelings
hv actions rather than in language. So Duly
I5ded her in bis arms and kissed her forehead,
ard asked ner il she really loved him. She whis-
pered yes; and as they stood there, while his
heart oyerfowed with joy and be wondered why
Miss Smith should sit in her own parlor With her
umbrella in her hand, the wind blew one oil the
shutters open suddenly, and at the same moment
ia walked Miss Smith.
It was But no. | shall not attempt To de-
scribe that situation. 1t is impossible. Every
BODY was agitated but Camm. James Dnhy
was dumb:ounded and horror-stricken-Miss
Smith was amazed and furious; but Clamm was
collected, she was cool-she appeared to ENJOY
everything and she would probably have fallen
upon Jim Dufys shoulder again and cooed,
merely to let Miss Smith see how nice it was, mad
not Duffy lodged as he saw her coming, and per-
mitted her to smash her bonnet against the sofa
cushion. =.
Then Mr.. Duffy undertook to tell Miss Smith
how it was but naturally, after all that had nap
pened, she was too much enraged to hearken 10
him, and she ordered both visitors from the Eonse'
They departed, Clamm with the hook OF her um-
brella handle firmly fixed in the pocket OF James
Duffy overcoat.
But when they reached the street. Duffy IN bis
agony and anger, expressed his feelings upon the
subject of Clamm in such violent and unmls-
taxable manner that even she was convinced
And when che asked him if he intended to marry
her and he said no, she left him and proceeded at
once to q lawyer, who began suit for breach OF
promise against Duffy, and took it into court the
next week Duffy's letter to Smith was read IN
evidence, and Clamm made Smith testify as to
the proceedings in her parlor, which cut up the
| defendant horribly. Clamm herself sat there all
the time weeping for the purpose OF narrowing
| up the feelings OF the jurymen who gave YER
dict of $4,000 damages 10 the plaintiff, where
upon the said plaintiff Immediately began to Or
| ganize war upon fresh man.
Jim Duffy is still single. know him we'll
He seems to hate women and whenever he has
to write note to one, he always takes it out OF
the envelope fourteen or fifteen times TO assure
himself that he has the right document and that
a chemical analysis could not detect an offer oil
marriage in it.