Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-01-03
How Mark Twain Escaped Being
Killed in a Duel.
From Tom Hoods Annual.

From Tom Hoods Annual
The only merit l claim for the
following narrative is that it is q
true story. 1t has moral at the
end of it, but l claim nothing on
that, as it is merely thrown in to
curry favor with the religious ele-
incnt:
After | had reported a couple of
years on the Virginia City (Nevada)
Daily Enterprise, they promoted
me to be cditor-in-chief-and last
sed just week by the watch. But
Il made an uncommonly lively news
paper while | did last, and when |
retired had a duel on my hands
and three horse -whippings promised
me. The latter | made no attempt
to collect; however, this history
concerns only the former. 1t was
the old "flush times" Of the silver
excitement, when the population
was wonderfully Wild aud mixed;
everybody went armed to the teeth,
and all Sights and insults had to be
atoned for with the best article of
blood your system could furnish.
In the course of my editing made
trouble with Mr.. Lord, editor of
the rival paper. He flew up about
some little triflc or other that | said
about him-I do not remember now
what it was. l suppose l called
him thief, or body-shatcher, or
an idiot, or something like that. |
was obliged to make the paper
readable, and l could not fail in my
duty to a whole community of sub
scribcrs merely to save the exag-
gcratcd scnsitiveness Of AN indi-
vidual. Mr.. Lord was offended,
and replied vigorously i'll his paper.
Vigorously means a great deal when
it refers to a personal editorial in Il
frontier newspaper. Dueling was
all the fashion among the upper
classes in that country, and very
few gentlemen would throw away
an opportunity of fighting one. TO
kill a person in a duel caused man
to be even more looked up to than
to kill two men in the ordinary way.
Well, out there, If you abused a
man, and that man did not like it,
you had to call him out and kill him;
otherwise you would be disgraced.
SO | challenged Mr.. Lord, and did
hope he would not accept; but
knew perfectly well that he did not
want to fight, and so l challenged
him in the most violent and implaca
bic manner. And then | sat dowr
and suffered and suffered till the
answer came. All our boys-tht
editors-were in our Office, helping
me in the dismal business, and tell
ing about duels, and discussing The
code with lot OF aged rutfians who
had experience in such things,
md altogether there was loving
interest taken in the matter, whicl
made me unspeakably uncomfort
able. The answer came-Mr. Lore
declined. Our boys were furious
and so was Ton the surface.
l sent him another challenge
and another and another; and the
more he did not want to fight thu
bloodthirsticr | became. But a
last the mans tone changed: liz
appeared to be waking up. 1t was
becoming apparent that he was go
ing to fight me after all. ough
to have known how it would be
he was man who never could bt
depended upon. Our boys wert
exultant. ! was not, though trie(
to be.
1t was now time to go out anC
practice. 1t was the custom there
to fight du,ls with navy six shooter.
at fifteen paccs--load and cmpt,
till the game for the funeral was
secured. We went to little ravin,
Just out of town, and borrowed :
barn door for u targct-borowed i
of gentleman who was absent
and we stood this barn door up, an(
stood rail on end against the mid
die of it, to represent Lord, and pu
a squash on top of the rail to repre-
sent his head. He was very tall
lean creature, the poorest sort o
material for duel-nothing but :
line shot could "fetch" him, and
even then he might split your bullet
Exaggeration aside, the rail was
of course, y little too thin to repre-
sent his body accurately, but the
squash was all right. If there was
any intellectual difference betweel
the squash and his head it was IL
favor of the squash.
Well, l practiced and practiced
at the barn-door and could not hi,
it; and l practiced at the rail, and
could not hit that; and tried hard
for the squash, and could not hit
the squash. Iwould have been ell
tircly disheartencd, but that occa
sionally l crippled one Of the boys,
and that encouraged me to hope.
At last we began to hear pistol
shots near by, in the next ravine
We knew What that meant! The
other party were out practicing, too.
Then l was in the last degree dis.
trcssed; for, Of course, those people
would hear our shots, and they
would send spies over the ridge,
and the spies would find my barn
door without wound or y scratch,
and that would simply be the end
of mc-for of course that other man
would Immediately become as blood
thirsty as | was. just at this mo-
ment little bird, no larger than a
sparrow, flew by, and lit on sage
bush about 30 PAGES away; and my
little second, Steve Gillis, who was
II matchless marksmaE with a pistol
much better than l was-snatch-
cd out his revolver and shot the
birds head off! We all ran to pick
up the game, and, sure enough, just
at this moment some of the other
duclists came reconnoitering over
the little ridge. They ran to our
group to see what the matter was;
and, when they saw the bird, Lords
second said: "That was a splendid
shot. How far off was it?"
Steve said, with some Indifference:
"Oh, no great distance. About
thirty paces."