The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-05-27
He Would Have His Garden.

Bailey, the VIII OF the Ddnoury Ne'0s'
says: We suppose there is time that
comes to every man when he feels be
should like to have a garden. II be
takes such notion he will tell his wife
of it. This is the first mistake he
makes, and the ground thus lost is
never fully recovered. She draws her
chair up to his. and lays one hand on
his knee, and purses up her lips into a
whistle of expectatiou-the vixen-and
tells about her mothers garden, and
how nice it is to have vegetables fresh
from the vines every morning, and she
will 90 right out and plan the whole
thing. And so she does. He takes his
spade, and works himself into a per-
spiration, and she tramps around under
a frightiul sun bonnet, and gets under
his feet and shrieks at the worms, and
looses her shoe; and makes him first
vexed, and then mad, and then fero.
cious. After the garden is spaded he
gets the seed, and finds that she has
been thoughtful enough to open the
papers, and empty thirteen varieties OF
different vegetables into one dish. This
leads him to step out doors, where he
can commune with nature alone for q
moment Then he takes up the seed
and q hoe, and a line, and two pegs,
and starts for the garden. And then
she puts on that awful bonnet, and
brings up the rear with long hand
died rake, and pocket full OF beans
and petunia seed and dahlia bulbs.
While he is planting the corn she stands
on the cucumber hills, and rakes over
the seed pan. Then she puts the rake
houdl. over her shoulder, and rake
teeth into his hair, and walks over TO
the other beds. He don't find the
SQUASH seed unit, she moves, and then
he digs them out Of the earth with his
thumb. She plants the beet seed her.
self, putting about two feet of earth and
sod upon them. Then she takes ad-
vantage of his absorption in other mat
tiers, and puts down Ithe petunis seed in
one spot and afterwards digs them up,
aud puts.them down in another place.
The beans she conceals in the
earth wherever she can find a
place, and puts the bulbs in the Gu.
cumber hills. Then she tips over the
seed.pan again, and apologizes, and
steps on two of the best tobacco plants.
and says, 40, N.Y. which in no way
resembles what he says. About this
time she discovers q better place for
petunia seed, but having forgotten
where she last put them, she proceeds
to find them, and within an incredible
briefsp of time, succeeds in unearth-
ing pretty much everything that has
been put down. After confusing things
so, there is no earthly possibility Of
ever unravelling them again, she
says the sun is killing her, and goes
over to the fence where she stands four
hours, telling the woman next door
about an aunt OF hers who was confined
to her bed for eleven years, and had
eight doctors from the city, but nothing
would give her any reliet until an old
lady-but you have heard OF it before.
The next DAY q man comes to his office
to get the pay for a patent seed sower
which bis wife has ordered, and be no
more than gets away before the paten!-
tee OF q new lawn mower comes in
with an order for ten dollars,
and he in turn is followed by
the corn shelter man, and the miser-
able gardner starts off for home to
head of the robbers, and finds his wife
at the gate with his own hat on, and
Just about to close q bargain with q
smooth.faced individual for two hum
dred dollar moving machine and a
pearl.handled, ivory-mounted hay-cut,,
ter. He first knocks the agricultural
implement agent on the head, and then
drags the miserable woman into the
house, and locking the door, gives him
self up to his emotions.