The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-02-20
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

"This is the rock of ages" said the father,
after rocking two hours and the baby still
awake.
"A tourist who was asked in what part OF
Switzerland he felt the heat most, replied,
"When / was going to Berne."
- The first exclamation of an American
belle on entering the cathedral at Milan, was,
"Oh, what church to get married in"
Among the items in the report of the
oyerseer of the poor of Rhode Island town is
this: "Cash paid for funeral sermons, 81"
"A Western editor concludes an affecting
appeal to delinquent subscribers as follows:
"May the famine-stricken ghost of an editors
baby haunt his slumbers."
They have tried it some time down in
Texas, and have come to the conclusion that
cattle herder can't be Christian, and that he
stands no chance of being saved.
-"Margery, what did you do with the tai
low that Mr.. Jones creased his boots with to-
day?" "Please, marin, I fried the griddle
cakes with it." Lucky, for L thought you
had wasted it,"
"A Nashville washerwoman, finding in
lot of dirty clothes new fashioned shirt open
ing at the back, sewed it up, cut open the bos.
ON and sewed on buttons, to the intense disgust
of her customer.
a
aTom, the old woman came near calling me
honey last night" "Did she, Bill7 What
did she say?" "She said, 'Well, old Beeswax,
come to supper"
Il Western paper, with well-developed
mathematical tendencies calculates that Call
fornia has raised wheat enough to furnish the
-four to put a griddle-cake two inches WIDE
around the earth in forty minutes.
uCo1l,, 1ybot hoya vou dOna with the
cream? These children cannot eat skim milk
for breakfast" "Sure, ma'am, and it isn't my
self that would be after giving the scum to
yez. I tux that off and gave it to the CATS"
= Old feather beds and pillows are greatly
improved by putting them on clean grass plot
during a heavy shower; let the beds become
thoroughly wetted turn the beds on both sides.
Let them lie out until thoroughly dry, and
then beat them with rods; this will Tighten the
feathers and make them much more healthful
to sleep on. 1t removes dust and rejuvenates
the feathers.
= "Patrick, the widow Malony tells me that
YOU stole one of her finest pigs. Is it correct? u
aYis your honor" "What have you done
with it?p "Killed it and ate it, yer honor. "
"Oh, Patrick, Patrick, when you are brought
face to face with the widow and her pig on the
Judgment day, what account will you be able
to give of yourself when the widow accuses you
of stealing?" "Did you say the pig would be s
there, yer riverencef" "To be sure | did p
aWell, thin, your riverence, I'll say Mrs. Ma
loney, there's yer pig"
"A well-known miner of California recent
ly visited his mine and stepped into the bucket
and was let down. During the descent the rope
broke and let the bucket loose. Its occupant
seized the upper end of the rope and hung
suspended The engineer, unaware of his
predicament, lowered the rope until he sup,
posed his employer had reached the bottom OF
the shaft-it being $50 feet deep-and then
stopped. Meanwhile the victim clung to the
rope and shouted for help, but none was near
At length, when exhausted, he INDUCED in
silent prayer, in the expectation of being
dashed to pieces by the fall about to take place
and closing his eyes, let 60 and fell-about
eighteen inches. When found he was in
state of unconsciousness.