Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-11-07
Il UMOR.


man, says Josh Billings, IL most generally
married. but there are instances on che rec
ord Of single men being harrassed by the
puliets. You can alwus tell one oy these
kind ov men, espeshily if they are in the
company ov their wives. They look as re-
signed tew THAR fate as hen turkey on
wet day. Thare amt nothing that will take
the starch out of a man like being pecked
by woman 1t il wus than a seven
months ov the fever and agy. The wives
of hen pecked husbands most alwus outliv
their victims, and have known them to
get married agin, and git hold ov man
that time (thank the Lord) who under
stands all the hen-peck lodges. One ov
these kind OF husbands IL an honor to his
sex. The hen-pecked man, when he gifts
amungst men, puts on an air ov bravery
and defiance, and once in while will gita
leetle drunk and then go home with a firm
resolve that he will be captain ov his house
hold; but the old woman soon takes the
glory out ,ov him, and handles him jest as
she would half grown chicken, who had
fell into a-swill- barrel, and had to bejerked
out awful quick,
The'springfeld Republican, having made
certain assertions concerning the Intentions
of the publisher of the ST. Adams Messen
qer, in regard to the new St. Adams Com-
rier, receives the following reply from the
Messenger: The Messenger does not pro-
pose to combat the scheme at all. And
we shall not issue morning paper, for
even an evening paper has never yet been
made to Fray its expenses here, though
it is gradually getting nearer to that point
We trust we may be allowed to wash our
windows, clean out our stove pipe, gather
garden sass and patch up our old clo','
without the act being considered one of hos
tility or competition"
Women who are flicted with drunken
husbands may bless the days that witnessed
their weddings, as there is mine of wealth
in their possession if they will remove TO
Iowa, where man pays ten cents for
drink, and his wife collects $4,000 DANA
ges from the man who sold it to him. This is
1000 per cent. better than life insurance,
and the wife keeps her husband, and he
keeps the liquor.
Here is DIT of frankness from an out
of-town editor: 'For a man reported muir
dered 10 the columns of the Paper few
weeks ago, the individual, who mas just
left the office, wore a very healthy look and
carried stout cudgel That he left no
room for doabting his identity was evident
from the rapidity with which the editor de-
clined the editorial honor, and classed him
self an embryonic reporter. Discretion is
= the better part of yalor.
Ladies in delicate health should 60 to
Colorado. The case of Mrs. Prather Of
Golden City shows the wonderf full restora-
tive effects of the climate. She could not
even. sweep her room when they lived in
Ohio, but in less than ayear after her arri-
val in the territory, she chased her hus-
band mile and quarter with pitchfork.
YET UNwED. Ellen Roach, of Newton,
Conn, has a $4,000 attachment on the
property Of Eugene Burns, on account Of
breach Of promise, etc. He came down
with another promise a few days ago, and
large crowd gathered to witness their nup-
tials, but, at the last moment, Burns decli
ned to marry her unless she would relin
ouish the attachment. This her friends
would not permit, and they are yet unwed.
A blood thirsty citizen of this place who
thinks his life in danger carries pistol to
protect himself. He came in the Office this
morning to get string to tie the stock and
barrel together, as the other fastening is
gone, and he took occasion to observe that
it would make the streets run with blood if
people didn't stop fooling with him.
The Laramie Sentinel sends up this Ma
cedonian cry ''There is fearful and
terrible scarcity Of girls in this country not
oply for cooking purposes but we know
of lots of young men who would even be
willing to take them raw and for life at
that"
A GIRL OF the season comments thus on
Mormonism 'How absurd four OR five
hundred wives to one man, when the fact
is each woman in these times ought to have
four or five husbands 1t would take ABOUT
that number to support me decently.''
Shortly after the recent illness of John
Hickman, Washington Townsend called on
him and wishing to encourage him, re-
marked: ..Well, Hickman, can't see that
that your appearance need trouble you"
No. townsend" replied the invalid, sit
is nv disappearance that troubles me-"
MAGISTRATE. -ssYou may have been in
toxicafed; but the officer testifies that you
we're not so tipsy as not to know what you
were about" Prisoner. -"Ob, if had
known that'was an objection, could easily |
have another drink or two"
s.That's unjust" exclaimed traveller
when informed by the conductor ola rail-
road train that the price of passage had
been recently doubled. True, replied
the urbare official. as he took the passen,
GERS cash sit is hard but then its fare "
When Jonah's fellow-passengers pitched
him overheard, they evidently regarded
him as neither prophet nor loss.
In passing through dark tunnel on
Pennsylvania railroad, woman's voice
was heard exclaiming: "Don't you fool
around carry pistol ia my panier.
There is fight of stairs at the Chicago
Exnosition which is warranted never to
squeak when the gentleman of the house re-
turns honae late.
A lady "with rush Of lace to the
head" was the expressive description Of
toilet at the recent musical convention, CIV
by one Of the audience.
. A Scranton paper in giving an account
Of shooting ARRAY, says tho woun Jed man
is expected to recover, as the pisto[ball
1ndaad In his dinner nail. 4