The Placer herald., 1873-12-20
NUMBER 18.
SISSORINGTUMS.


the ugliest man rider.
A d indy is chap who would bo a lady
if he could, but as he can't, does all he can
to show the world he's not man.
The Boston AdUcrtiser says that straw in
street cars is a preventative of cold feet.
There is no need Of putting SO many feet in
that word, however.
A Western paper, under the heading Of
"Snorting News" copies the announcement
that "the Colts of Hartford are running on
full time"
Economy is said to be carried to such an
extent in town in Michigan that the paper
mills have been compelled to suspend OPP
erations for want Of rags.
Boston is said to have an election official
who, after searching the "N's" through.
said he could not find certain Mr.. Knights
name on the voting list.
Wa,hing machines will be more fashion,
ladies will take their first lesson in this
household accomplishment.
A fashionable young lady dropped one Of
her false eyebrows in church pew, and
badly frightened young man next to her,
who thought it was his mustache.
"Where shall put this paper go as to be
sure of fndins it tomorrow ?" inquired
Mary Jane of her brother Charles "On
the looking glass;" was her brothers re-
ply.
A pretty POEM, lately published, tells how
little girl in a Scotch kirk, weary Of the
minister's long prayer, stepped softly to his
side. and said: go, sir, please say Amen!'
At prayer meeting in Maine, few days
ago, one of the members prayed, Lord,
thou knowest that Charles Tompkins has
sold poor boots to some of us. Make him
do the fair thing"
The Herkimer Democrat asks "Who is
there that is not chained to some rock Of the
past, with the vulture of Memory tearing at
his vitals, screaming forever in the ear Of
Conscience.
"Have you seen my black k-faced ante
lope p inquired Mr.. Leoscope. who had &
collection of animals, of bis friend, Bottle
jack. "No, l haven't. Whom did your
black-f.ced aunt elope with ?"
Kansas City tombstone pays the fol-
lowing beautiful tribute to innocence:
with yell and whoop
He died of the Group"
A young man asked young lady her
age. and she replied: "Six TINS seven and
seven times three added to my age will ex-
ceed six times nine and four, as double my
age exceeds twenty" The young man
said he thou ,ht she looked much older.
Mayor Boyd sold his running horse, Red
jacket, to a member Of the Boundary Com
mission. The purchaser wrote for the ped
igree of the animal. Mayor Boyfs an
swer was characteristic; "He was sired by
his father and ID by the man who last
owned him.
A "reader in New Britain truthfuy and
Indignantly asserts that no woman, however
nervous she may be, has a right TO wake
her husband from sound sleep to tell him
on his inquiring what is the matter, "Noth-
ing, only wanted to know if you were
awake"
That was good advice which an old man
gave 70 his sops: Boys, don't you ever
speceriate or wait for something to turn up.
You might just as well go sit down on
stone in the middle Of the medder with
pail twixt your legs and wait for a COW to
back up to you to be MIXED"
A preacher took up collection on Sun
day and found, when his hat was returned,
there wasn't \ penny in it. 81 thank my
God" said he, turning the hat upside down.
and tai ping the crown with his hand, "that
have got my hat back from this congrega-
ton"
The editor of the Chicago Times is urged
to sell his right to the word ELSEWHERE"
which has been used so frequently in that
paper Tor several years. A Louisville ed
i'or wants to exchange for it half interest
in the word recently" but the Times man
is not disposed to trade.
A young lady in Lancaster has the initials
Y. M. G. A., engraved on one corner OF her
visiting cards, which she bands to certain
gentleman visitors. At first they suppose she
belongs to the Young Mems Christian Asso-
citation, but it is not long before they rightly
construe the letters to mean "You May
Come Again.
Another dreadful warning to snuff-takers
comes from Columbus, Ohio, where may be
seen the man whom snuff sent to the PEN
tentiary. One night, when robbing bank.
yielding to depraved appetite, took pinch,
and the fatal sneeze betrayed him. That
sneeze, too, was his last, for in the peniten-
tary he is denied snuff.
Louisville has unwittingly committed
itself to grand temperance reform by vot-
ing to send drunkards and editors home in
stead of to the lookup. Not even the most
confirmed inebriates require second treat
ment. They generally come about the