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The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14
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The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14
BUDGET OF FUN.
a Practical Test.

A Danbury man named Reubens recently
saw a statement that counting one hundred
when tempted to speak an angry word would
save d man a great deal Of trouble. THIS
statement sounded a little singular at hrst
but the more he read it over the more favora
bly, he became impressed with 1t, ana fnally
concluded 10 adopt it, Next door to ReuDcns
lives a man who has made five distinct at
tempts in the past fortnight to secure din.
ncr of green peas by the 1st Of July, and
every time has been retarded by Reubens'
hens. The next morning after Reubens made
his resolution this man found his fifth attempt
TO have miscarred Then lie called on Reu-
bcns. He said:
What in thunder do you mean by letting
your hens tear up my garden ~
Rcubens was prompted TO call him mud
snoot, a new name just coming into general
use, but he remembered his resolution, put
down his rage and meekly observed
Zone, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
eight"
Then the mad neighbor who had been eye.
ing this answer with a great deal of suspicion,
broke in again
why don't you answer my question, you
rascal?"
But still Reubens maintained his equani-
nifty, and went on with the test.
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, four
teen, fifteen, sixteen" g..
The mad neighbor stared harder than ever.
Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
twenty one
You are mean skunk" said the mad
neighbor, backing toward the fence.
Reubens' face flushed at this charge but
he only said:
Twenty-Five twenty three twenty -four,
twenty five, twenty-six-'
At this figure the neighbor got up on the
tence in some haste, but suddenly thinking
of his peas, he opened his mouth;
You mean, low-lived rascal, for two cents
| could knock your cracked head over barn,
and l would"
Twenty seven, twenty-eight," interrupted
Reubens, "twentynine, thirty, thirty-one,
thirty-two, thirty-three-"
Here the neighbor broke for the house, and
entering it violently slammed the door behind
him but Reubens did not dare let up on the
enumeration, and so he stood out there alone
in his own yard, and kept on counting, while
his bu' ing cheeks and flashing eyes clo-
Quently affirmed his judgment. When he got
up into the eighties his wife came to the door
in some alarm.
why, Reuhens, man, what is the matter
with you?" she said do come into the
house"
But he didn't let up. She came out to him.
and chung trembling 10 him, but he only
looked into her eyes, and said
Ninety three, ninety.tour, ninety-five
ninety-six, ninety seven, ninety eight, ninety
nine, one hundred-go into the house, old
woman, or I'll bust ye."
And she went.-DdhbUry Neos.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

One Of ByrOn's pieces was recently pro
duced at Liverpool, the waits being unusually
long. After the second act the wait" was
almost uncomfortable, but presently a harsh,
grating sound was painfully audible from
behind-the SQUAD Of saw struggling
through wood. What is that noise!" i'm.
patiently asked I. gentleman of the author
+" Well, | can't say" answered Mr.. Byron,
mourniully, but suppose they're cutting
out the third act"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

\ Frenchman who tried to suicide by
pint of crude petroleum, lives to
ell the world that he never experienced n
more enjoyable drink in his life. This will
be good news for the oil regions, where To-
3al option" and the scarcity of money have
.or some time past rendered the delrum
,remens luxury only TO be INDUCED in by
he wealthiest operators and buckwheat
princes.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

S0MAN & KAPEMAN
Westof the Court House,
HAVE LARGE STOCK OF
FINE BOOKS FOR
EVERYBODY.

Popular Authors, in halt calf.
Popular Authors, in Morocco
Popular Authors, in Antique.
Popular Authors, with Illustrations.
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Juvenile Books, in Single Volumes.
Toy Books, in Oil Colors-
Toy Books, in Linen.
Juvenile Histories.
Works in Natural History.
Fairy Stories and Fables.
Books of Animals and Birds.
Fine Ouarto and Smaller Bibles,
Large Print Prayer Books.
Photograph Albums.
Fine Writing Desks
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Chessmen.
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Card Cases.
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| Fairchild'S Gold Pens
All are cordially Invited to call and examine our stocS.
OSuAN 4 HAPEnAN,
! is La Sale Street.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

The Danbury Meas tells this beautiful little
story: Twenty years ago the son of a wild
owed mother was an uneducated and half
cared-for youth. He went into store as an
errand boy, saved up his money, worked hard
every day, limited himself to but few amuse-
ments, principally fishing and seven-up,
which he INDUCED in on Sundays, so as not
to injure his employer, and is now worth
100000. His mother enjoys luxurious
home with every want attended to, and the
young man is now in Europe waiting for the
affair to blow over
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

Now, gentlemen" said peripatetic lee
turer to somewhat noisy crowd, who had
gathered to one OF his seances in an Eastern
village, how would you like a good black.
guard story?n Nine-tenths of the dexter paws
instantly went up, and there was a sudden
hush Of all noisy demonstrations The lee
turer went on with his original subject for a
few minutes, when some incautious individ-
ual broke out with, Say, where's that story"'
Bless you" was the reply, did not intend
to tell you any such story. | only wanted to
You might nave heard pin drop any time
during the lecture after that.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

gentleman was one day composing a
rondeau for a lady to whom he paid his aid
dresses. Pray Miss D." says he, what
time do you prefer" "Ohn she replied,
ANY time will do, but the quicker
the better" The company smiled at the re-
joiner, and the gentleman, it was surely
thought would take her al her word, but he
ililn'ti
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

TO make egg-nog, you take some milk,
hen egg then sugar, then brandy, then ia
uaica rum. Then a policemen arrests your
lead-latch key and opens You with door
never mind. You sit down on the
,aby by mistake, and your wife cries and says
he Will go home to her mother. You tell
Ter to go and be-quiet In the morning you
ay, No, thank you'll don't care for any
,7eakfast.n
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

DR.. Reid, the celebrated medical writer,
vas requested by lady of literary eminence
o call at her house. BE sure you recollect
he address said she, as she quilted the
Dom, No l Chesterfield street" Madame"
aid the doctor, " ! am too great an admirer
f politeness not to remember Chesterfield
md, fear, too selfish ever To forget number
ma.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

Marrying deceased wife's sister implies
timer that the husband has treated his first
lie very kindly OF very cruelty. If kindly,
be sisie- WISHES 10 experience the same
-ca'meni; Z cruelty, - ayenee II.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14
MAIERHOFER, DENT & co.

Have the pleasure Of Informing the farmers OF Ia sale and
surrounding counties that they are manufacturing a; e-
large establishment. the sdecut lock. TIE main
raj OtiaWa In style aud cheapneSs hitherto Erap
pT0ac hahie In Northern Illinois, all kinds OF
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

RECENT DISCUSSIONS IN Science, Phi
losophy and Morals By Herbert Spencer. New and en-
lHrged edition. $l.tQ
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

An innocent person was looking for GER
lin dye-hOuse in New York, when waC
oinied to the Morgue and said: Il don't
noU where the dye-house is, sir, but there's
he deaa-houss"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

4 b'acksmith's bellows lately exploded at
ethan, y. H., and chunk OF wind hit the
NTH on the nose, knocking that ornamental
nd useful feature fatter than boarding
iCuse pancake.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-14

4 heart-rending accident occurred near
Columbus, Ohio, the other day. 4 woman
vas drowned while trying TO hang herself
rom the limb Of tree at the waters edge.
The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1873-06-26

Advertise IL tae RECORD
The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1873-06-26
NORTuTARD

tation for jamestown, n, Y, and connection
with A, u G. ". trains east aud west. Connects at
Warren With trains east and west on the 7. & T.
Il. i. j. TnAYER Genl supt,
nunkirk, New York.
The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1873-06-26
ARRIVAL iND EiHRAEVgssE OF
TRAINS ON n. g. az A. sc. tt.


On and after Sunday. FeO. 10Th, 1878,
trains will run as f0llows:
NORTH No. 3. No. |. 40. T.
Leave irvine. 12.l5pM. a.20 p N
Leave Oil City 600 NJ 2.3opM. 75upN
q" Pet.Cen $50 " 3,37 " S33 "
90 Tiiusv. 7,lO 6 AS p" 9l5
Arrive CORY, $50 {" 600 " 1910 &"
No 9-Accommodatiou Freight.
Leaves Oil City 50 A NJ; Pet Centre.
1918; Titusville, ll,o5; Ar. Cory, !? 4opm
SOUTH. No. 2. NO. 4. NO. 6.
Leave Cory, 1855 A NJ. 6,l0 A M. $40 p NJ
Titusv. 1920 P NJ. 7,30 7,30 -
p. Cen. l,20 =" SIT Z" S,l5 I"
Arrive q. City 200 900 " 900 +"
- Irvine. 800 " ll.3S ''
No. l0-Accommodation Freight.
Leaves Cory lao p m; Titusv. 2,55; Pet
Centre. 3,55; Ar at Oh City, 4.30 p NJ.
.sg- No. S and 6 r1n on Sunday.
cB "Commenc. ng Nov. Sd trains will run
by PbiIad-lphia lime, which is TEN MN
| uTES FASTER than our tune
j. J LAWRENCF, Gen. Supt.
G. j. HEpBURN. Asst ,upt.
The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1873-06-26
wv AGES

kNOi, all who Rre willing TO work. ANY person.
a 90 90 or y"uhg, OF either sex, can make from $40
TO so per week, at home cay Or evening Whnted
by all Suitable TO either City or Country, and anv
season Of the year Tbl is rare Opportunity ior
make au independent living. No capital heinp
required. Our pamphlet, now TO MAKE <
LIVING. 'iying full instructions, eont ,op Ie-sinr
Of III Ger- Ger, s. AddEes-, A bC RToN " Cj., Morris
ana, Wcs --e4ler Co., !.
The Petroleum Centre daily record. [volume] (Petroleum Center, Pa.) 1868-1873, 1873-06-26
philadelphia 81 lriu tsailr0;ld

WINTER TIME Table.
and efier Sunday Oct e7th, 1872, the Trains
on the Philadelphia ~ Erie Railroad will run as
lollowa: .r, .r.
The New York herald., 1873-08-25

ree-pronged toastIng FORK Tor an eel-like ana
silver-scaled 1sh called "equhe,n which wripries
little shensh tits great fun especially If you Slip
into q qucksand when the rest OF the party get
wen ahead OF you: but by bawllng vigorously you
can generally bring back your friends TO extricate
you beiorey you have sunk higher than
the waist and II not the odds are not
Conspicuous difference in the population. II you
have no taste for moesting fish with toasting
IorK go and lunch at the Hotel de la PLACE, which Is
eood ana, or course, dear as every good thing
needs must be-. Cabourg is said to be q fine place
Ior r. money incoming as indeed are most other places
II is NOT ont S ~ save tne Top OF tne Aips pst
S ef nS Ssif he rsnfn nesess ssf'de ef s
when you can have as much quiet as you please by
SIMPLY imagining yourself TO be In Kitchen gar
den, wnere the visitors are so many cabbages. II
you get your pockets picked, or II you are Knocked
down by a donkey In the sands, you may have TO
draw further on your fancy and imagine that your
caooages nave turned predatory and retire under
tne influence OF lunar changes But 1t Is fair to add
donkeys wen behaved. When got back to Trou
VILE at about dinner time did indeed hear OF one
navlng DOTTED into the sea with a Judges mother
tn-law. But the animal was evidently stricken
with remosse half fway, for he omitted to drown the
.Sy, iaoy, ana greatly gIaddened the Judges heart
To sum up the Impressions which the Norman
loves rest when he can res It and and amnsement wII
when he cannot:-You will find at Deppe, IRE
port, Fecamp Etretat AN, and Trouvllle, an such
sweets as French life yields, and may study the in
teresting natives OF this country az nattre. They
are always breezy and facetiOus, but neveys more
30 than at tho seaside, for maritime air uAcorks
their spirits, 1t were, and makes them fzz
lire Roederer on the pop. 1t Just occurs TO me
that 1t Is, perhaps mercfu thing that Paris
should not be located on the sea, for fail to see
how any government could control for single
week population which cantered about on dom
keys, went sporting with toasting forks and
waltzed publicly to fill up the intervals These IN
vigOrating pursuits develop the muscular fibre,
and yet 1t must not be supposed that the visitors
neglect their education or fail to keep themselves
informed as to the names and titles OF
foreign celebrities. l have just read IN list OF
local arrivals, 'rhe Rev. General Field from Phila
dephia; 'Iaiss' Williams and children, from Lon
IN
The New York herald., 1873-08-25
the LIBERAL REPUBLICANS.
The Democratic State Committee Invited
20 Unite with the Liberals I'm Calling
n state Convention.


The Democratic State Committee Invited
TO Unite with the. Liberals In Calling
State Convention.
PENN YAM, n. Y. August %, 1873.
Hon. ALLEN G. BEACH. Chairman Executive CON-
mittee Democratic State Committee
SIR-At a meeting OF the Liberal Republican
State Committee, held at Saratoga, on the 3lst day
Of July 1879, the following resolution was
adopted
Resolved, That all questions relating TO the future
action OF this committee representing the liberal repub-
mode Of Its convention and its action generally in the
coming campaign be referred to the Executive Commit
tee thereof with ull power, hereby advising them
fore taking action to rame call embracing the
Cincinnati platform with such additions as may be
deemed proper and invite all opponents of the present
administration to unite in such call tor State Conven
ton with the view of combining all opposition to said
administrat ton in a united movement.
At meeting OF the Executive Committee held
at Penn Yam this day, was instructed, in accord
ance with the above resolution, to invite your COM
mittee 10 unite with ours In a call for State Con-
venton such as Is defined in the above resolution.
with a view OF combining all opposition TO the
present administration in a united movement
Our committee desire that the action OF your state
Committee on this subject be had and commune
Gated at as early a day as practicable.
ANY communication addressed to me at box 80
New York Post ONCE will reach me. Yours re-
spectiuly, JOHN COCHRANE,
Chairman OF Executive Committee.
The New York herald., 1873-08-25
WATERING PLACE NOTES.

Professor Theodore Dwight, OF Columbia Collegc.
Is at Cooperstown.
Mount Desert Island, on the coast OF Mai ~ has
fifteen h0tes-$2 day. Il
Collector Arthur and family, OF the .>port of New
York, are at Cooperstown, N. y.
Hon. Gideon Wells ex-s.ecretary oftne Navy. OF
Hartford Conn. is at Yewport
s-Ssrand mop was givensa the Kearsarge House,
North Conway, N. H., on Saturday evening
Lieutenant A. H. M'.Trill, United States Navy, is
at the Atwood Hoteh Narragansett Pier, r. l.
Two-thirds OF 'she visitors at Saratoga Springs
are New Workers. and the metropolitan ladies' lead
the fashions.
new notel to accommodate 400 Summer
boarders Is to be erected this Fall at Narragansett
Pier, r. l.
Colonel Audenreid, United States Army, and
wife, are at the Cooper House, Cooperstown, N. Y.
The Colonel is on General Sherman's stan.
Governor Ingersoll, United States Senator vii
liam A. Buckingham, and Judge Minor, OF the supe-
rior Court, all of Connecticut, are at Saratoga.
United States Senator Henry B. Anthony, OF
Rhode Island. is at the Profile House,. White
Mountains,
7 Typhoid fever is prevailing at Bar Harbor Mount
Desert Me- which is attributable ITO the over.
cr0wding Of the Summer population.
At the banquet given at the Montgomery White
Sulphur Springs, va on the 18th inst, Jubal Early
appeared in his uniform Of Confederate gray.
The thermometer at the White Mountains seldom
rises above sixty-eight degrees, and fires are al
ways found to be comfortable in the evenings.
Four deaths occurred In the families OF visitors
at Martha's Vineyard last week. The last one was
child belonging to the commercial editor OF the
Boston Advertiser.
Statistics show that Newport has more old people
and raises greater percentage OF children that
are born there than any place Of like population
in the United States.
From the top OF Kearsarge Mountain, in New
Hampshire, may be seen the birthpaces Of Ezekiel
and Daniel Webster ewtlliam Pitt Fessenden.
Governor John A. Dix, Vice President Henry A.
Wilson, Lewis Cass, ex United States Senator
James w. Grimes, Of Iowa; United States Senator
Zachariah Chandler, OF Michigan; Levi woodbury.
Horace Greeley, General Benjamin r. Butler, ex-
President Franklin Pierce and Chief Justice Chase
Among the visitors at Hampton Beach this sea-
son is the venerable Judge Willard Hall,
Of Wilmington. De and his family. The Judge is
now In his nnety.fourth year, and with the single
exception OF considerable weakness in his limbs, Is
apparently as smart and vigorous In his younger
DAYS He is one the Oldest surviving graduates of
Harvard, having graduated at that university in
1893. He was appointed United States District
Judge by President Madison in 1918, which office
be held forty y.nine years.
The New York herald., 1873-08-25
POLITICAL NOTES AND OBSERVATIONS.

The Washington Republican AYERS that Reuben
+. FentOn, the 'eminent liberal republican re-
former" is endeavoring to get back into the
republican party
The Cincinnati Commercial regards the removal
OF the statue OF Jefferson from its position at the
rear of the White House as the most suspicious evil
dence il has yet seen of Grants purpose to estab-
lish Casarsm in the United States.
The democratic candidate for Comptroller in
Maryland having declared that ''of all the great
interests OF the State that Of agriculture is most
paraIyzed and prostrated," the Washington Repu0
lcan thinks this is the natural result OF having old
fogy democrats for State rulers.
In view of Senator Fentons reported aspirations
for a second term the Washington Star aflrms that
Shakspeare's opinion on the subject becomes
interesting. This is what he says:-
Why how now what does Master Fenton heref
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house.
The Cincinnati Times thinks the mastodon was
one OF william Aliens contemporaries of early days.
He might have been, for he is still six feet two in
his stockings, with neither
- Crook in his back
Nor melancholy crack in his voice.
The Springfield Qll.) Journal says after Jen
Davis speech before the Southern Historical Socle
ty, 1t never realized what an act OF magnanimity
the government committed in not changing Jer
Davis to sour apple tree"
The Chicago TT16une says that one or the prin-
cipal grievances which has brought on the
struggle between the farmers and the railroads "is
the glut of farm products and consequent low prices
and Improbable farming" Did not the high rates
of transportation nave something to do with itp
Western paper thinks that the grand qnadru-
pie tracks on the New York Central Railroad are
only intended to facilitate transportation for the
West but also to switch the owner OF the road into
the Presidential chair.
The st. Louis Democrat (repubcan), referring to
the farmers movement, expresses the firm belief
that these manifestations OF public Indignation
and determination for reform will powerfully aii
the better element within the republican party to
purge it OF oil unworthy leaders and representa-
tives, and to render it in the best and highest
sense worthy of public confidence" Ifit does this
it will accomplish great good for the country.
Senator Morton opens the campaign in Ohio by
speech in Cleveland tomorrow evening"
TIE Rochester Democrat (repubican) very kindly
says OF the venerable candidate for Governor II
Ohio 1--WE read too much about old Bill A-nn +,
1t is altogether too irreverent and un. fvniaed
Mr.. Allen is extremely old, and his rr,eat age de-
serves no such treatment. Possibly he ia a bad
Bill as well an old one; but we must insist that
he be treated respectfully until he is withdrawn
from circulation"
The New York herald., 1873-08-25
TINE HERALD AND ITS EXCHANGES.
From the pittsburg Gazette, August 2s.,

From the Pittsburg Gazette, August 23.1
The NEW YORK HERALD has adopted q liberal
policy, In dealing with the press Of the country, in
the matter OF exchanges. 1t proposes to increase
rather than curtai its list This, as indicative OF
the spirit OF nberalty which obtains so generally
In the management OF the HERALD, Is entirely
commendable. The Gazette while 1t could doubt
less dispense with more or less OF its exchanges,
has adopted similarly liberal policy. in the matter
Of exchanges. We believe the plan pursued to be
wise, in that single item OF important news OBJ
tained from an exchange may be worth years
exchange. And news, ike diamonds, is often OBJ
tained from very unexpected sources.
The New York herald., 1873-08-25
TIRED OF LIFE.

Az the Hoboken ferryboat james Rumsey was On
her way In midstream, about ten O'Clock yester-
day, an unknown man stepped 70 the side OF the
boat and IN mped into the water. He sunk In.
stantly and Was seen no more. 1t 10 thought from
the appearance OF his clothing that ne must have
loaded his pockets with lead or other heavy mate
rial TO prevent the possibility Of his rescne.