The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1873-04-05
Humorous Items.

close of the year.
CAN the sale of salvage stock be con-
sidered burnt-offering
WHEN is boat-race like a herring
When ii S a hard-rowed one.
How to turn peoples heads-Come
into concert Late Ill thick boots.
Is it not strange that contractors
should be engaged to widen Streets
Coop advice for the blind Get mar
ried; that is sure to open your eyes.
YOUNG ladies use powder, perhaps
because they think it will make them
go off.
WHY does photographer use black
cloth TO make his camera obscura.
TRUE-If punnngis the lowest kind
of wit, it must, then, be the founda-
tlon of all wit.
g GENTLEMEN's pantaloons upholster-
ed here, " is sign near a skating park
in Titusville, Pa.
If ventriloquist throws his voice
away from him, how can he expect to
carry on his profession?
"WHERE there's a viii there's away"
as the young man said when he eioped
with the fair legatee.
g l RISE for information, said Mr.
-, NJ. P. I'm so glad" said
Mr.. ---, NJ. p, "for you certainly
want some.
4 SILVER CITY miner remarked, after
attending prayer meetInga few weeks
ago, that it = was the first time he had
heern the word of God handled for
close onto forty year"
TINS amt no pawn shop" shouted
dry goods fgure-head to lady shop
per / didn't suppose 1t was"
go, We didn't, did We +? Thought We
did, cause yer pawn over everything
ye can reach" There was no more
shopping just then.
NATIONAL schoolmaster (going round
with government inspector): "Wil-
kins, how do you bring shIlliugs into
pence 2" Pupil" Please, SIR takes
it round to the public house, sir -
Punch.
KEEN blew the wind, the snow had cast
4 fieecy mantle DER the ground
The gloomy night vas gathering fast,
And al was dssolatIou round.
| hcmeward sped through glen and glade,
And quatfed with joy the brandy hummer,
Till swallow alter swallow made
A REVIEWER having said that novel
was written with flowing pen," an
editor reloins We are glad to learn
that this authoress uses a flowing pen;
she shows her Judgment; if there's any
thing we despise, It's pen that won't
giveIink readily"
DE WITT TAIMAGE, he of tabernacu-
lar notoriety, has charged the wording
OF the scriptures with regard to salt.
His reading is: ''Ye are the antipu-
trefactic of the earth but If the anti
putrefactic has lost It's antiputrefactic
quality, whorewith shall it be antipu.
trefacticated 2"
a LITTLE girl, daughter OF clergy
man, being left one day TO ''tend door
and obeying a summons of the bell,
she found a gentleman on the steps
who wished to see her father. Father
isn't in, she said, ''but if it's anything
about your soul | can attend to you. |
know the whole plan of salvation"
Rav. GEORGE HARDING, of Indianap-
oils, defends card playing by saving
| that ''seven up" is a scientific game,
useful as discipline Oh the mind;
while whist indicates the virtues of ST.
practically adapted to every day life,
| as, for instance, the folly of attempting
TO go 1t alone on a weak hand.
JEALOUS man approached a man in
Burlington, Iowa, the other day, with
the query, care you Christian?"
ono, replied the other party, 81 am
a railroad man" Well" said the
minister, ''I know Of several conduc.
tors III New England that are Chris
tians. That may work down East
all right, but a man cant be both in
Iowa" responded the employe.
A WORKMAN, while repairing one of
the outer venetian blinds of an aristo-
cratic Enlistment, missed his foot
ing and fell into the street. A crowd
gathered around him and raised him
up, when it was found that he received
| only a few slight Commissions. Mean
while one of the servants brought him
glass of water. Making q way face,
the man said, Only water! From
what height should | have to fall to
get glass of beer2"
PUNCH prints the following under the
caption g England and Germany
British Nimrod (who has shot tigers
and lions in South Africa. 1.-The fact
is, Herr Muller, that L don't care much
for sport unless it contains the element
of danger"
German Nimrod. Zach 20 ? YOU are
wont of taincher? Den you shood
| NIT me! Wy, only de oder tay /
shoodet my broder IL law in de shdom-
ag."
A PITTSBURGH lawyer and doctor, who
have rooms in the same building, fire.
quently indulge in game of euchre in
the evening. Last Sunday the disciple
OF Milestone stuck his head within
the NJ. d. S door and said, "Doc, come
III and have game euchre. " The other
replied, 81 never played euchre on
Sunday yet, and I'll be -- if / ever
will. The lawyer was sofry he hurt
the doctors feelings, SO he said, apol-
o8etically, 6 I'm sorry, Doc. but what
do you say to seven up?" The other
felt Modified, and followed his friend
saying 9" don't care if ] do take
hand at auction pitch. -
The editor of the Albany Post at
tended General Dlx's first reception.
He concludes a rapturous report as
follows: "Hence the picturesque ia
bles which invited you to boned tur
keys, baked partridgos, wing iellies
and Nightmares last evening. One of