Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-01-14
The Item Of the Period.
How the Horrors OF Life arc Nicely
Sugar-Coatcd.

Of the mistaken interloper who gets
cut up:
"The gentleman who recently |
proceeded to 'clean out the editor
Of the Sioux City Times has con-
scnted to postpone operations I'M
Ill the doctors have fixed half a
dozen broken bones for him, and
extracted three or four bullets
Is not the following brief, COM
prehensive and to the point:
"Mrs. Swan, OF Cochran, \. Y,
lighted her fire with kerosene on
Monday, leaving a husband and
one child"
OF horrible accidents how pleas
ant it is to read and be left to inn
agine as much, or as little, horror
as you please. Here is the whole
story in a nutshell, and full col
umn of ghostly particulars would
not add to it:
GA Pennsylvania, after Lighting
a match, threw it into powder
llcg. The Coroncrs of three coun-
ties are collecting the shreds."
Here we have conlagration
done up in style:
"John Baldwin, of Grundy coun-
ty, Iowa, owned defective fiue.-
He does not own it, now. Loss
5000"
And here is another:
"A Kansas farmer fired at some
rats under the barn and killed sew
cral. Loss, $4,000; uninsured
Witness the following physiolog-
ical item. No exhaustive medica
treatise could express moro:
"A man in Galveston, the othcl
day who complained Of being over
heated, effected Il permanent cur'
by drinking six glasses of ice-wa
ter, without the aid of physician
He was cool when the Corone.
came"
The following precautionary item
tells sad story of experience, an'
wcsnay take the lesson, without
shuddcr
can agricultural gentleman o
Denver, Col, who, despite his wite's
warning, persisted in smoking on Q
load of hay the other morning, re
turned home shortly afterward will
his hair and eyebrows singed, an'
the iron work of his wagon in
potato sack"
Here is another equally good:
Mr.. Collins, of Hartford, bough
n ferocious watch dog. Mr.. Collin
came home late that night. Iii
wife says that his trowsers can't b
mended. Mr.. Collins hopes to 10
able to sit down in few weeks"
And here is a chapter OF aglicu
tural information, clear and concls'
in few lines:
"a gentleman of Winooski, VI
who recently tried solution OF ly
rs an antidote to cabbage worm
will not do so again, at least M
with the several acres of cabbae
plants that he experimental on IL
other day"
If we must have items of scand
i published, command us to the ms
who can satisfy himself with clue
= dating as follows:
ga lady in Atlanta tied her hu
d bands hands and feet the other da
inst for fun, and then went throus
his pockets for certain billetdou
and found it. His physician te
him that his face won't be bad
Scared, though he may rema
= permanently bald"
What chapter OF domestic U
, rest is brought to climax IN u
bit of romance:
sg ey "A mother-in-law, in Lanslr
iS; ns burgh, N. Y, is trying to rid |
snzs eyes of quantity of red pepl
y, !. which, in some strange way or o
N. n: er. came through the kcy-hole
9Si of her daughter-in-law's room.'
ivo im Thus we see how the most s
ious and painful events may
- made to present surface OF &C
" icality, and if the lesson is c
~ veyed all is gained. The man v
invented sugar coating for nause
Sss ,ose Mills did n humane thing.