Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-06-12
The Lam.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.
ChronScle.

The lam IL a Juvenile sheep.
| Ihey are born about the fust ov March,
and menny ov them die just az soon az
| green peas cum.
Lam and green peas are good, but not
good for the lam.
Lams are innosent as shrimps, they
won't blight, nor shratch, nor talk sassy.
| They don't kno mulch, only to skip,
turn summcrsets on the grass, Xix up their
heels, pla tag, plauge their mothers, and
hay plum generally.
| luv the lam, even luv them after they
bekum mutton, luv lams ov all kinds, i
had rather hav one lam than 4 VOLTS.
This may look like oddness in me, but e
IL mi sentiments emmy how.
Mary had little lam wish had a
little lam, and if had a good deal ov lam
it wouldn't discourage me-
When a lam gifts thru being lam, they
| Immediately bekum sheep. This takes
all the sentiment out Ov them.
Thare amt mulch poetry in mutton
Sheep are mutton.
/ Mutton is sometimes prekarious.
When yonth and innosense ov emmy
kind grozc old, it loozes most all ov its
lamness.
This fakt IL too well known tew require
an affidavid
The lam IL an artikle ov trade, az well
as diet, they are with from four tew 10
dollars, ackOrdlng teW the way things am
1t IL strange that SO mulch innOscnse az
the lam IL possessed oy should be for sale
1t IL JisS so with most all the innOsense
and purity in this world-it liz too often
brought to the SHAMELESS.
| suppOze, if could hav mi way, the
lam would stop growing when he got to
be about eight weeks old; but then, cum
tew think ov it, this would make mutton
awful skarse
1t would also make lams dredful plenty.
1t would also inkrease VOLTS mulch, for
hay alwus notissed since begun biz
ness in this world that just in proposhun
az lams got numerous, VOLTS got numer-
Gus ackordin.
The lam haz short tail. Their tails
are not short bi natur, but short bi de-
si@hn
During their early lamkinness, in an
unsuspektlng moment, and quicker than
lltenlng, their dorsal elOngashun IL nip in
the bud
Not to be mistaken in this matter, and
teW phase the responsibility iist WHARF it
belongs, lam's tails are kut oph bi man.
This IL mean thing for man to do; but
man IL IdphoIt oF QolHS tuctIul mean
things, jist bekause he IL man.
Man amt satisfied tew leave ennything
in this world az he phinds it.
The fcmail lam il the dearest little
package ov innosense and buty known to
natralsts
A femail lam IL mi pride and hope I
luv the whole entire congregation ov them.
The lam IL kivvered from childhood
with a softe coating called WOOL from
which cloth IL sed to be made, and also
from which yarn IL sed tew be spun.
Thare IL great deal ov yarn spun in
this world that has no wool in it; theze
yarns are called phibs.
Phibs are not konsidered feroshus. 4
phib is lie painted in water kullers
Ihare haz been more phibs in market
since the formashun ov man than thare
haZ been truth.
Phibs are often ingenius, sometimes
quite pretty, but are alwuz dangerous
Phlbs are sumtimes a CRATE deal more
plauZablc than truth.
Look out for them
Phibbers hav been known tew bckum
liars, just az hot lemonade drinkers, with
a leetle port wine in it, just for etfekt, hav
been known tew bekum our most reliable
Whiskee drinkers.-N 7. WeekLY.