Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-05-02
Fl UMOR

A"A "
OBITUARY POETRY may as we'll
quote bit of obituary poetry which recent
" appeared in Philadelph Newspaper, be.
cause nothing more wonderful in the way of
rhyme was ever constructed. Here it is ::
"Our little Sallie did to heaven GO, Baby
life SO feet is, She was afflicted with the
cerebro Spinal meningitis. IT'S hard to
dose our Sallie no, But the reflection sweet
is, That she's gone where there is no cerebro-
Spinal meningitis" A lovelier little bit of
eleeiac poetry We do not remember to have
read, albeit the demise of the infant popu.
lation is continually calling out that sort Of
thing.
A wretched artist, who thought himself
an excellent painter, was talking pompously
about decorating the ceiling of his saloon.
IL am whitewashing it, he said, "and in
short time I will begin painting" 81
think YOU had better" replied one Of his
audience, paint It first. and then whitewash
it,"
A western newspaper gives thrilling &C.
count of steamers perilous voyage, des
cribing particularly Der dangerous passage
over the falls, with 'only one Inch Of water
between her keel and the rocks, and half an
inch of atmosphere between her chimneys
ane the bridge"
When you see paragraphs stating that
Mr.. So and So, Of such a place, is III
years old, set it down in your mind that
the man who wrote the item would have
been magnificent liar if bis early educa-
ton had not been neglected.
An eccentric old fellow, who lives along
side Of graveyard, was asked if is was not
an unpleasant location. "No." said he,
II never jined places in all my life with
set of neighbors that minded their business
so ssiddy as they do"
There's our grandmother, says q cotem.
porary, "a striking instance why women
should vote She's paid taxes on dog
for the last ten years, and now declares she
won't stand it any longer-she'll either vote
J D. or kill the dog ~
In default Of lookup, the Wyandotte
constables, when required to keep prison.
er over night, tie him to bed-post. hand
cuff him with three or four pigs Of iron,
which is characterized as going the whole
hog"
Mrs. White has long been waiting to Wis
it Greenwood, and in the early summer she
said to her husband, "You have never yet
taken me to Greenwood" "No, DEAR" he
replied, "that's pleasure I have yet in an
tioipation.''
It rather hits the nail on the head when
lady on being asked what she thought
was the meaning Of the words ''the pestl-
lence that walketh in Darkness" answered
that, in her opinion, it was bedbugs.
"How does that look, ek ?" said big
listed Wall.street man to friend, holding
ing up one Of his brawny hands. "That, +"
said his friend, CLOCKS as though you had
gone Short on your soap"
Epitaph on deceased locomotive.
Collisions four or five she bore,
All patching was in vain
Long time she rusted, at last she busted,
And smashed the excursion train
A good-natured Danbury man has bro.
ken in hundred and sixty.fve pairs Of
boots for friends in the last ten years.
he is now breaking into pair of crutches
for himself.
A merchant in Topeka recently lost
$3.50 in cash. As his wife and one of his
clerks have not been seen since, he is ap-
prehensive that they were murdered for the
money.
This question agitates Larence, Kansas
Should young man leave his music les
sons to eplit wood when his mother in law
is in the house and is in perfect health
Counting is not much INDUCED in in
Kentucky, from the fact that the old man
is liable to enter the room with preacher
and shot gun and get up wedding.
A young man OF party the other even.
ing being asked if he could play the harpsi.
cord. wanted to know if it was anything
like seven up.
Mrs. Darlington, reading of the strike
Of the wire.drawers, remarked, "Ah, me
what new-fangled things won't they wear
next !"
A prudent clergyman, unwilling to &C
euss q citizen of lying, said he used the
truth with penurious frugality.
An old conductor says he is no Judge of
female beauty, but he can always tell when
the ladies are passing fare"
One of the hardest trials of life is to shed
tears at the news that your wife's uncle has
died and left you 100000
The best thing in this world is to take
things as they come-take them easy-and
take good many Of them.
The following is the advertisement Of q
Western tailor "Wented-two or three
steady girls, to put on pants.
A young lady who neglected to remove
the snuff from her muf came near sneezing
her hair down in church last Sunday.
The sensitive son of Detroit widow
recently applied for ap injunction to prevent
his nother from marrying again.
A Toledo man reckons that tho recent in.
crease in the price of rags has added 8 per
cent. to the valuable of his family.
Can son be said to take after his father,
when bis father leaves him nothing to