The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-05-30

| Oh by my soul, my dearest Mat,
| fear she has nine lives"
Tt is very well, sir" said the illus
trious friend, smiling condescendingly,
ere he added gravely, "but you shout !
not swear" Out of regard for the great
| stituted, "Alas, alas" for "by my
soul !" but, after the Censor Morum
had departed forever from Fleet Street,
the poet resumed his profane habit, and
restored "by my soul to its place In
| the humorous trife.
Love and marriage were topics on
which ighteenth-century writer's of GERS
| de SOciete, more skillful in their art
than Boswell, delighted to make mer-
ry. To one of them we are indebted
for Celia's retort on the cynical dean:
Cries Celia to reverend dean,
''What reason can be given,
Since marriage is holy thing,
That there Is none in heaven ?"
There are no women, he replied:
She quick returns the jest;
Woman there are, but I'm afraid
They cannot find priest F"
The literature of epigrams and cpl
| taphs comprises some of the smartest
jeltr d'e8prit written by men against
women, and by wives against their mas
tiers. The German poet, Besser, pro-
duced the epigram on Adams sleep:
"He laid him down and slept-and from his side
woman in her magic beauty rose;
Dazzled and charmed, he called that woman bride,
And his first sleep became his last repose."
To a German poet, also, we are in
debted for the "Epitah on a Scolding
Woman" which has been rendered in
English:
"Here lies, thank God, a woman who
Ouarrelled and stOrIned her whole life through:
Tread gently DER her moulding form,
Or else you'll raise another storm"
lSOyez tran9qtiILe " was the epitah
maliciously suggested for the monu-
ment which the French cook, of Cri-
mean celebrity and whilom of the Re-
form Club, raised in Kensal- Green Gem
etery over the grave of the virtuous
Madame Soyer, whose good qualities
the disconsolate chef commemorated in
a grandiose and .highly-sentimenta in
scription, respecting which Douglas
Jerrold remarked, pithily, I" Nc ok
turtle"
To the credit of the fair sex let it be
observed that the sharpest things en-
graved by widows on the tombs of their
husbands were innocent of disdainful
purpose. A good many years since,
when that exemplary clergyman, the
Rev. William Greenlaw. became rector
of Woolwich, he found in the church
yard of his new cure a recently-erected
tombstone, to the memory of q Wool
wich tradesman, on which there had
been inscribed, at the particular request
of the dead man, the well-mOwn lines
youthful reader, passing by,
As you now, once was
As am now, you must be,
Therefore prepare to follow me-"
Beneath which lines there also APP
peared on the stone following couplet,
added by the widow and executrix of
the dead
"To follow you I am not content
Unless know which way you went"
Offended,by the apparent hippancy
and irreverence of this couplet, the rec
tor entreated the widow to consent to
its oblitCration from the stone. To his
surprise he found that she cherished no
i'll feeling to her late lord and master,
and was of opinion that he surpassed
in piety most of the husbands whom he
had left behind. The good woman had
always thought the epitaph a foolish
epitaph, and had repeatedly told her
husband her critical reason for disliking
it. Like Jocile wife, she had placed
it on the stone, as her husband desired
it to appear there but she had thought
herself justified in pointing to the OBJ
Vious defect of the lines. She had only
awaited herself of her opportunity to
have the last word in q literary contro-
very that she and her husband had for
years carried on in a friendly spirit,
On being shown that the stone, as it APP
peared, was suggestive of disrespectful
thoughts of her husband, she consent
ed reluctantly to the erasure of her
comment.
Even more infelicitous than this wild
ow of Woolwich was the good lady who,
with the best intention, placed highly
sca0dalous inscription on the tomb of
her deceased husband, in his day a
famous London pyrotechnist. In the
first month of her widowhood, on
mournfully walking away from his
grave, after watering it with tear, this
widow was struck by the sublime digni-
ty of an inscription on, an adjacent
tomb, erected to the honor of a must
cal composer, who, in the language of
the legend, had gone "to world where
alone his harmonies could be surpass-
ed" Lacking the power to produce an
origina eulogium, the simple lady adj
apted the harmonious professors cpl
taph tothe ingenious artists case. With
the accuracy of a conscientious histo-
rian she substituted " fire works for
" harmonies with consequences that
my readers may be left to imagine for
themselves. JefresOn's " Brides and
BridaLS."
- Hot Sand Baths.-A therapeutist
of London thinks he has discovered an
infaIlible cure for rheumatism, namely,
the ADMINISTRATION of hot sand baths. He
claims that the advantage of this mode
of treatment consists, especially, In the
fact that it does not suppress persplra-
ton like the hot water bath, but rather
increases it and another advantage it
possesses is, that it does not interfere
with the respiration of the patient, as
does the steam bath or Turkish bath.
1t is asserted that tine body can endure
the influence of such bath for a much
longer time, and a much higher tenn
perature can also be applied. 1t can be
used for infants, and permits of easy
application to a part or to the whole |
body. If this remedy shall prove effica- |
cacious for so serious an ailment, it will |
indeed be boon to large class of snf-
ferers.