The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-08-29
GLEANTNGs AND GOSSIP.

man, would try and induce her to re-
main In her seat and give herself no
anxiety he would certainly inform her
at the proper time, as Poughkeepsie
was some distance off yet. But the
dear old lady, alarmed at the frequency
of the stations and the rapidity with
which persons were stepping off the
train, moved her to rush forward and
ask the conductor " if this station was
not Poughkeepsie. Assured again
that it was not, and that ample notice
would be given when the train reached
the depot, the nervous passenger once
more relapsed into a passive uncon-
seriousness. At last Poughkeepsie was
reached, and the conductor, rushing
into the car, hurried the old lady up by
saying, Here we are, this is Pough-
keepsie make haste and get your
things we are behind time; quick,
now" Judge of his surprise when,
with the utmost cOmplacency, this fe-
male passenger, looking over her spec
tacles, replied, ''You don't say this is
Poughkeepsie why, you see Maria she
old me to be sure and take my pill
when L got to Poughkeepsie I"
"A Troy, New York, young man saw
cOlOred woman mounted high upon a
ider washing windows. As a good
Joke he shook and kicked the ladder
The woman failed to appreciate this
mark of attention, and empty ing her
pail OF water over the young man, she
cropped the pail square on his head.
These efforts, however, brought disaster
hOn herself, for down she came, ladder
aud all, square upon the young man,
AMI they rolled together into the gutter
Gaining her feet, she slapped that mans
tace al over with her wash-rag At last
the young man got away. It was OBJ
served that though he looked funnier,
he did not appear to be quite as funny
IN spirit as he was before he saw the
cOlored woman.
"A certain political speaker closed
IN address in behalf of his party with
the following perOration: "Build
worm fence around the winters supply
If summer weather skim the clouds
from the sky with teaspoon; catch
thunderbOlt in a bladder break hur-
rcane to harness grOund-sluice an
earthquake lassO an avalanche pin
napkin on the crater of a volcano hive
all the stars in nail-keg hang the
ocean on grapevine to dry; put the
sky to soak in a gOurd unbuckle the
belly-band of eternity, and paste TO
Let on the sun and moon but never,
sir, never for a moment delude yourself
with the idea that any ticket or party
can beat our candidate"
Chicago is making much of young
MIR. Brown, who possesses such remar-
kable clairvOyant powers that he can
tell, nine times out of ten, where an
article is hidden; and if a person fix
his thoughts upon any object that could
be reached, this Mr.. Brown will go and
place his hands on it. As this does not
claim to be spiritual" power, or any
thing but a higher phase of ordinary
mesmerism, it may receive some serious
consideration. Chicago people ought
to utilize such a force as that. If it
could be governed to recover only what
individuals wanted to find, and did not
create any embarrassing domestic cpl
sodes, 1T would be immensely popular
IN that city.
NEAT TURN.-Hannah T. Gould, one
OF the Essex county, Massachusetts,,
group of writer's, now dead more than
than twenty years ago, satirized her
friend and neighbor, Caleb Gushing,
with this epitaph:
Lie aside, all We dead,
For in the next bed
RepOses the body of Cushing.
He has crowded his way
Through the world, they say,
And, even though dead, will be pushing.
But Gushing as happily turned the
tables, thus:
Here lies one whose wit,
without wOunding could hit
And green grows the grass that's above her.
Having sent every beau
To the regions below,
She has gone down herself for lover.
This story is told of woman who
freely used her tongue to the scandal of
others, and confessed to the priest what
she had done. He gave her a ripe
thistle top, and told her to go out in
various directions and scatter the seeds,
one by one. Wondering at the pen
ance, she Obeyed, and returned and
told her confessOr. To her amazement,
re told her to go back and gather the
scattered seeds: and when she objected
that it would be impossible, he replied
hat it would still be more difficult to
gather up and destroy all the evil re-
ports which she had circulated about
thers.
A dog was seen dragging human
skeleton through the streets of Moores,
y. Y, few days ago, scattering here
and there an arm, leg or rib as he went
along. Somebody had desecrated a
grave for plumber and left the skeleton
exposed. And then the local paper
goes on to say that these bones belonged
to a man who had dreamed, shortly be-
fore his death, that a dog would come
and dig him out of his grave, closing
the item with the original remark,
Truth is stranger than fiction" Pro-
baby.
You must elect you work you shall
take what your brains can, and drop all
the rest. Only so can that amount of
vital force accumulate which can make
the step from knowing to doing. No
matter how much faculty of idle seeing
n man has, the step from knowing to
doing is rarely taken. 'Tis a step out
of a chalk circle of imbecility into
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
The following pathetic lines are
supposed to have emanated from the
obituary genius of the Philadelphia
Ledger:
The death angel smote Alexander McGlue,
And gave him protracted repOse;
He wore a checked shirt and a number nine SHOE
And he had pink wart on his nose.
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends informed that his funeral takes place
Precisely at quarter past four"
By the aid of the pancreas taken
from kittens and puppies, an italian
physician claims to have determined
that the pancreatic juice of all young
animals, including babes, is like the
saliva, incapable of converting starch
into sugar. Should these conclusions
be just it is at once apparent that all
starchy food should be withheld from
young infants.
Italian wit is highly dramatic, spon-
taneous, genial. Among its proverbs
are: 1.-The dog earned his living by
wagging his tail" Make yourself all
honey and the flies will devour it. !"
"The smiles of a pretty woman are the
tears of the purse" "He who takes an
eel by the tail, or a woman by the
tongue, is sure to come off empty
handed"
Sue Blair of Fon du Lac, Wis,
played her lover a game of chess the
other day to decide whether the we'd
ding-day should be fixed for this year
or the next. Sue desired more time,