davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24
WHAT MIR. BILLINGS SAYS.

Ridicule that aint true has no partic-
ular power.
Flattery is like ice cream We want
little at time, and often
Politeness is not only the cheapest but
the most powerful argument I kno ov.
Take all the fools and good luck out
of the world and it would bother the
rest of us to get living.
Sins are the only things that I repent
of; [ never could make emmy thing re-
pentlng ov blunders.
Sin in the soul is like silver in the
flesh ; modification is the natural way
to get rid of it.
When you strike lie stop boring;
menny man has bored clean thru and
let the lie run out at the bottom.
kno ov folks who are so kondem kon-
trary, that if tina should fall into river
they would want tcw float up stream.
7 The intimacys of old age seem tew
konsist of drinking yung hison tea to-
gether, and comparing gouts and rheu-
matisms.
Whiskey friends are the most unprof-
liable ones | know of they are always
ready to drink with you, but when you
get ready to drink with them, they aint
dry.
Human knowledge is not very COM
prehensive after ALL have seen a man
who could calculate an eklipse to a square
inch, who couldn't come within 80 feet
OF harnessing hoss.
EPITAFF.
Here she lies-the queen ov pize,
Aunt Sally Ann Won Blixin,
Apple, and mince, custard and ounce
She couldn't be beat in mixin.
Sakred this spot-stir her up not
Her grace all lay in pi fxen,
Better say i-go without pi,
Than wake up this old vixen.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24
NO. AZ.

dressed in his very best, ready and de-
termined to claim the forfeit When the
party had all assembled, and no Miss
-being present, Charlie, who had
gloated over his triumph in advance, was
evidently annoyed. Just then a lady,
closely yelled, came into the room, and
was introduced as Miss. Charley
stepped briskly forward, ascribing the
fact of her being yelled to motives of
delicacy, and raised the veil. Did he
kiss her? No Amid the most terrific
peals of laughter, he retreated to the op-
posite side of the room. The tables were
turned. The handsome featured Miss
stood before him, but her beautiful
complexion was as black as burnt cork
could make it. Charlie didn't claim the
kiss. Burnt cork was at discount
Hartford Times.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

THE TABLES TURNED.-A good look
ing Irishman stopping at a hotel to warm
himself, inquired of the landlord
.What's the news %
The landlord, disposed to run upon
him, replied:
..They say the devil is dead
.sAn' sure, says Pat, "that's news
indade.'
Shortly after he went to the bar. laid
down some coppers and resumed his seat
The landlord always ready for custo-
mer, asked him what he would take.
Nothing at ALL says Pat.
..Then why did you put down this
money %
.An' sure. sir. it's the custom in my
own country, when chap loses his dad
dy, to give him few coppers to help
pay for the wake"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

GAS if l had to try. you absurd fel-
lowr' said Prudy, printing the buttons
off by two's on her cheek.
Mrs. Elgin set to work, in earnest
about the comb. bags, and encouraged
Augustus to join party for South Amer
lea, which he did finally, carrying the
red and green comforter at the bottom
of his trunk, as remembrance of the
fidelity of women, particularly P,udy.
TSt. Louis Republican.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24
THE DRIVERS STORY

"Ah, sir, this is going to be hard
Winter" said a great, burly car driver
to us, the other evening, "and saw,
yesterday, what such as you don't see
very often, and hardly believe when its
told to We. One of the men that drove
on this line three years sent his little gal
to ask me to come and see him, and l
laid off, last evening, and went
''Now I heard how he was sick with
consumption, but | didn't know how sick
until I got there.
.sAs sure as [ live, sir, there was
that fellow what one year ago was as
strong and hearty a young man as ever
you saw, with his legs no bigger than
my wrist, and him lynn on the floor,
and heavin' and chockin' all the day
and night.
'He told me hadn't sent for me till
he had to, and, on looking round, sir,
saw there wasn't any furniture left
and altho' year ago he had his little
room fitted up comfortable like, he had
sold even the straw in his tick, and was
lyin' on the Floor. i wouldn't care
to live, Jim,' said he (speakin' very
hoarse and troublesome-like), but for
my poor wife and children for altho'
I'm only in their way. | like to see them
round, and [ shan't trouble them much
longer And here he looked at his
wife and smiled when she cum and,
takin' hold of his hand, told him not ta
talk like that, but to pluck up hope for
her sake and the little ones.
ssBy and by, after looking at her and
then round the room at the children, his
lip commenced to tremble and the tears
to fill his eyes, in spite of his tryin' to
smile and, altho' [ think I'm as hard
hearted as any man, couldn't stand it.
and just bust out cryln.
"WeiI, it seems he hadn't had any.
thing to eat that day; so I gave hin
tvro dollcpr1, ell had, ond cont for eoms
bread, and bundle OF sJraw, ana, Des1
of all for him, do believe. | got hi
babies stick of candy and a whistle
and left 'em almost happy. My ole
woman has been over, today, to take 'en
an old bed-stead we amt usin', and w,
collected eight dollars for 'em from th'
drivers, and we're thinkin' of gettin,
up a ball, hoping to make enough t
send him to hospital and give his wifi
a start. So they're not so bad off nov
as they might be. But there's lots jus
like EN-, sir, lots just like 'em, an
there's goin' to be more afore Winter
through.
'Hold on, till I slow up bit, sil
There Good night, sir; good night.
And we walked away pondering on th
terrible words of that kind-hearted man
There's lots just like EN- ~ ]
Eoening Post
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24
The Peace Commission.

And his garh was sober drab;
His hair was long and white, and he
Economized his CAB;
In short, he was reticent
And inofensive slab.
His style was philanthrophic,
And he bore carpet-bag,
In which he stored his tracts and soap,
And other peaceful swag,
Which Indians patronize, when war
And cattle-stealing lag.
Long they sat in solemn council,
The agent and the red,
Mildly talking fabby virtues,
Till the sachem shook his head,
AS with doubt and dim suspicion;
Then he grunted low and said
Not with eloquence of nature
Not in metaphor1c style,
But in simple frontier lingo,
Mingled slang and grammar vile
"Na-ree- -trow-zis; want some whiskey;
Injun empty; drink pile
Then that meek and lowly Quaker
demonstrated with tear;
Spoke of fre-water and ruin
With eloquence severe
Said, quite feelingly, that whiskey
Was foe most insincere.
Spake once more the child of nature,
Keeping down his growing bile:
"Has my brother brought tobacco?
Is there powder in his pile o.
But the honest agent answered,
With an unsuspecting smile:
Had my variegated brother
Ever studied Mr.. Trask,
He would never, am certain,
Such foolish question ask.
Read these pamphlets they will teach
you
In the light of truth to bask.
Powder have none-.nor whiskey.
Nor the misunderstanding leaf;
But of moral tracts and stories
have many for the Chief
Then the Indian, weeping sadly,
Said it caused him bitter grief;
That his moral sense compelled him
To extract his brothers hair;
Which he did, with nice precision
And a sadden-s stricken air;
And that hopeful Peace Commission
Terminated, then and there
A Rat A2aO7eg the Types.
Thou lOng-tail'd, ebon-eyed nocturnal
ranger
What led the hither 'mong the types
and cases?
Didst thou not know that running mid
night races
Der standing types is fraught with
imminent danger?
Did hunger lead thee ? dldst thou think
to find
Some rich old cheese to fill thy hungry
nav?
Vain hope! none but literary jaw
Can masticate our cookery for the mind
Perchanee thou hast literary taste,
A love for letters, and that sort of thing
But why, thou wire-tail'd imp-thor
vermin-king
Didst thou but yesternight devour oul
paste,
And throw our types in pyramids of pi
Thy doom's decreed here Towser a
him fly
The ice has come The cold-lipped Eros
has kiss'd
The waters while they slept at night
his breath
Has fix d them in a torpor, as of death.
Nor shrub nor flower the midnight rang
er miss'd.
But on them all he laid his fatal fingers
He touch'd the trees and when the SUI
comes forth
And warns the leaves, they fall in sud
den showers;
The change from frost to sunny hea
o'erpowers
The feeble health that in them fa1ntl
fingers.
The blast is keen this morning from tn
north;
All tender things are dying day by day
Soon, soon will they be gone, and see
no more,
And we shall stand on natures wintr
shore,
The gentle dreams of summer havin
passed away.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

THE SELF-KILLED WHALE.-A story
comes to us from London of whale that
committed suicide by hanging itself by
the TAIL Some time ago the East India
cable suddenly refused to work, and a
steamer went to see what was the mat
ter When the spot where the defect
was supposed to be had been reached,
and the cable was raised, an immense
whale appeared along with it on the
surface. The animal, of course, was
dead and its body already far advanced
in decomposition. The tail, though it
measured twelve feet in diameter, was
still well preserved, and twice firmly en-
tangled in the cable. 1t is supposed that
the whale tried to rid itself of the para
sites which greatly aflict animals of this
kind, by rubbing its body against a por-
tion of the cable where it hung over a
precipice at the bottom of the sea, and
thus got entangled past the possibility
of extraction.
HARD TO TELL.-Not long since very
nervous lady took passage at the Tip
Top House, to descend by the almost
perpendicular railroad. Her fears were
apparent to every one, and the following
unique dialogue took place between her
and the concuctor:
Lady-"Mr Conductor, how do you
hold these cars when you want to make
stop?"
Conductor Madam, we apply the
brake, which you see there
Lady-"Suppose, Mr.. Conductor that
brake should give way, what do you do
then p
| Conductor Madam, we then apply
the double acting brake, which you see
at the other end of the cars
/ Lady-"But, Mr.. Conductor, suppose
that brake should not be sufficient te
check the cars, where will we 90 to
then %
Conductor Madam, I can't decide
That depends entirely upon how you
have lived in this world
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

c. +. PERCIVAL,
hEALER IN FURNITURE, COFFINs q CAsKETS
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

A reputation for happiness wants as
much looking into as a reputation for
honesty, says Josh Billings.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-11-24

We are all ready, now. for that $500.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1873-05-18
error bsi6 sIeual, ,por POGO duk Id

terror bsjp sIeupl, spor POGO que ad-
Re, Sc han de yeri6car las pr6ximas.
elscciones. Por consiguiente no es
possible esperar, racionalmente ha
blando, remedio alguno 4 los tremen-
dos males de eata situacion por las
Was regulares y pacflicas. El gobierno,
que ha dado pn verdadero golpe de
estado y Sc ha divorciado de toda le
galidad al disolver la Comision per
lnanente, esta asustado va de su pro-
pia obra y quisiera contener a Ia de-
magogia desenfrenada, pero q mi se
me fgura que es va tarde tambien y
que en- vez de resistir con brio ira de
concession en- concession, de debilidad
en- debilidad, de abdicacion en- abdi-
cacion, q caer en- manos de los mas
audaces. Hoy abandona el lninisterio
de la Guerra el Sr. Acosta despues
de haber dado ell concurso de su NOM
bte y de su brazo a la demagogia pa
"a veneer q la Comision permanente
y dentro de breves dias, antes de que
se reunan las C6rtes, dejara tambien
su puesto Ell Sr. CASTELAR, que tfmida-
mente habia venido representando
una polftica gubernamental y de Or
den. SQue autoridad moral, que fuer-
"a material podra va coutener a las
mucheAumbres armadasi Por ESQ 20
cre co, sabiendo que los pueblos no Pc
recen, que ell fin de tanto delirio se
aproxima y que estamos amenazados
de una dictadura que yo no sc quien
ejercera, que 20 no se como ha de
venir, pero que las CIRCUMSTANCES i'm
ponen y que, para desgracia de todos,
ha de imponer un largo eclipse q la
liHertad espaflola.
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1873-05-18
CRUEL DESENGANO.

p.r qac aqsslIos dc nrestros to
vsrecs iarrs qac ~ leen Il pronsa re-
lara,I..a 70 lsru,sn ligera idea do los
snasllt. osluefsos qas hicieron nnea-
to. eansrafios pAfa QUO nj uno solo
A. -. lep.os queda.e sln voiar, CO.
psremo. algpaea tr0zas 10 los hans-
80 ! sssr. u J maa.losios quu llAa
BoletiÌn mercantil de Puerto Rico. (San Juan, P.R.) 18??-1918, 1873-05-18
Correspondence del "Boletin. 1"
Madrid. 2s de ABRIL DE 1879
Sr. Director del BoLETIN.

Cinendome al papel de simple GRO.
nists, he de empszar, para proceder
con l6gica, dandoIe cuenta, 81 bien
su mariamente, de 10 ocurrido en- la
reunion de la comision permanente
de la Asamblea ell da %. Abri6se Ia
session q las tres y cuarto bajo la pre-
sidencia del Sr. Salmeron hacienda
embellishments uso de la palabra Ell
Sr. Echegaray para anunclar al go
bierno aIgunas preguntas sobre el es-
tado general del pals, exponiendo la
situacion sumamente crltlca en- que
Sc encontraba, en- vlrtud de que para
resolYerse las mas graves cuestiones
que Sc proponfan las Constituyen-
tes era necesario que hubiera Tranquil
lidad, 81 Gs que las eleccjones Sc iban
q hacer en- condolences de completa
legalidad. Ell ministro de Gracia y
Justicia le contest6 diciendo que ne
gaba que la situacion luese grave, y
que 81 los radicales 10 creian asi, cul-
pa de elios era que con sus desacer-
tadas medidas habian desorganisado
la maquina gubernatlva. Despues Sc
limit6 a manitestar que ell gobierno
estaba dispuesto a ainpafar el dere-
cho de todos, ,contando para eIlo con
la tuerza pibiica, porque, escudado
con Ia lay, venceria con ella 8 con
ella parecerfa.
Toc6le el turno al Sr. RiVero, ell
cual dijo que era republican,, que
siempre 10 habia sido, J que fae mo-
nArquico en- circunstancias que crey6
oportunas para organiIar democrAtl-
camente el pals dentro de Ia monar.
quia y preparAr con s6lilas bases el
advenimieoto de la repdblica, II que
si no proclamo sIcndo alcade de Ma.
drid, lue por no encender una guerra
civil sin conaegulr resdltado Alguno.
Anadio que 81 ell rey Amadeo hubicra
lIamado 81 poder al partldo conasrva-
dor, I'll hnbiera tcnido 10 su6cienle
energia para couVertlr lAs C6des ca
convention nacioaal Pld.6, poF 6Iti-
mo, que &C convocaae Ia Aaamhloa
cn viFtud de Iaa eircunntAnclas en-
trAordInarias Por cue 81 pals easaba
paaando.
FL Sr. Casscn tral6 do demosiEag
4 l. Cosnisaon qao 10 ara l6gico COO
socaF i AsAmbssA. axplacAndo las
caaaAa poF laa quo iunFon elimlnadoa
los Eadscales J consurVadoFcs de- %
der, que estAban alcnpra u lado del
que eonsegaia 10 sartosta CO loa pFl.
aaefos naomeasoa. Die qse 81 pcii.
gro dcl sepasasiasno - eAsstu 90 Es-
pAna, paasso qae sodos a1sosasaaaasa
s0doa I0a Eepahlleaaoa ledcsaEea eata
laAa eoaissmra "a saaErnrr 4 Ea4n
trace u saldad - = PAsrss. esna
poAsa dnanssfaskn. ha<ssnssa ses qaa
II FeelasAmarass para In HaisAna aes
gaGa cl~esaAaansn 80 safrsFa pxao1.
"a seEe no1sasa sasEs II - aa4sass
gsu DC - U~csFs. 4aeaeAaa qsa snaas
nsunasasA an hahsas u ssshsssna. pse
" c@Al - susgeaaso : s@Aa@ -
anas aaasasaA p4Aa1as - e~asaa
a as casanAAf dA8 lsesaFa 80 80 -
90 81 ascAsss - MsAstA - = 4s1
gsfksxl paha = ks4a@sms qss - ! -
80 fesss&A i - haAsla4asa - saesa.
sssasa CO a4mx2 ln31S
- -. msaAsaaa - : ass3Tn 80
- u gasaAsa r.4sm @aaaAmsms 60 -
aaAnlama - auiananam - u pmnn
]. T.ss = hshna lno4fxes =
The weekly Arizona miner., 1873-06-28
Southeastern Arizona.

We sec by the Tucson Citizen oI June Sl' that John Wasson, its editor and rroprctor, had arrived home from the Atlantic States, and taken charge, relieving A. P. K. Saiifd, Governor Of the Territory, who, during MT. W's abscncc--a matter Of two mon,hs-dls- played considerable tact, energy and ahlIlty in filling, with pen and scissors the columns of our contemporary. But, the Governor hns had sufficient editing to last him some time to come and, in very suggestive 'aIedictory, s,mpathizcs quite freely with the over work el, poorly compensated mortals who work, right and day, upon country papers. But, as vc may, hereafter, quote from tue Govern ITS article, we shall now pass on to other matters.
 Mir. James Lee was puttinga new engine ard boiler into his Tucson hnulng mill pre- paratory to attaching sawnill machinery to make irnber out of Santa Rita mountain pines.
 The mercury had worked it's way up to '05e
 A smelling furnace near Tucson was work ng successfully.
 Archie Mcintosh and his Indians had arri- ved from Prescott, on their way to the San Carlos.
 Of Gen. Crook and the proposed new post Joy. Sitfurd says, in the Citizen:
 The work nf builing inc pos, Lowell s sill going slowly There to he hitch about the amour sl7 UOD) that apart build the uts On accuuu of order it is duubtf whether can be used T h amount very insignificant ip build four company post with and wbout tvefy little headway ran be made It dnes though Gen Crook is expected Ia do nor and given less io do with than any person we eve knew b,i, he is go- soldier tO lan and as ih troops a Lowell have lived about ten years without guar ters we suppose they can do go a few ysars longer | Having finished harvest around Tucson the Papago Indians were at work ia the field near San Xavier.
 Abiguel Aldecua, Mexican desperado, hat been arrested, on suspicion of being one c the party that murdered R. Smith, tw, years ago.
 A threshng machine passed through iron California for farmer of the San Pedro.
 Village Council levied special tax of on, per cent. to pay off indebtedness. Every person who pays S4 special tax is to have To deeded 10 him or her.
 An uid tame Apache woman named Color ado died recently.
 Thomas Yerkes arrived from the Patagoni mines and reports that he has suspended smelt ing ore, as he has no means of shipping ava, his crude bullion. Three of his oxen wer stolen by Mexican, taken to Santa Cruz an, killed. The citizens of the town sent ib thief to Mhgdaena in irons and returne' two of the oxen to MT. Yerkes. Chief Musician Lewis had left Lowell il charge of recruits for the 23d Infantry Lieut.. Eckerson had left Lowell with band Of horses and recruits for 5ih Cavalry
The weekly Arizona miner., 1873-06-28
An Interview With Gen. Sher- man---Two Regiments all He
 Can Spare Us.

The following letter, from Major wm. B. Hooper, (head of the largest mercantile es- tablIshment in Arizona), was received Mon day last It is highly interesting:
 WAsHISGrOS, D. C., June 5, 1873. To J. IT, Marion, Editor Arizona Miner:
 DEAR sIk:--l made it iuy business yesterday to call Ou General Sherman with Gov. McCormck 10 assure myself as to the intentions of the De. pertinent relative 10 the removal oi any part of Gen. Crooks coulmand in Arizona. The General assured us that nothing Of the kind was intended, but, on the contrary, he intended to keep two full regiments tn the Territory
 The few companies Of Inc lst Cavalry nov leay- Ing the Territory, are withdrawn solely on ac- count of long service tbere and they are 10 be re- placed by more than their number Of men, in the shape Of recruits for the 5tb Cavalry and Sd Infantry, which recruits are either now en route to lbe Territory or under orders to go there.
 Therefore yOu can cay, authoritatiyely, that the removal of tie lst Cavalry from Arizona was nol intended to weaken the command there. Nor had it any reference 10 the MOdOc war, but was solely on account of long service in that Territory.
 Provision has also been made by Gen sherman to guard against depletion Of Gen. Crooks com. manc, by reason of expiration of service of soldiers, recruits having gene forward in antici. patton Of such event.
 Gov. McCormiek prepared a despatch, at my request pertaining to the above, and sent it to the Alta lasI night.
 Five companies of the lst Cavalry have been withdrawn. The two regiments now here-5th Cavalry and 23d Infantry-are far from being full, and, as Gen. Sherman is well aware of the fact that Gen. Crook is cranped for want of men, we most earnestly request him to remember his promise and hurry up the sending of recruits.
 Gen. Sherman will see, by this paper, that scouting alter unwhipped Indians is still go- ing on that Indians upon reservations have to be guarded and watched that the troops will soon have to build long line of teIe- graph open new roads and trails, besides other duties with which the General is, of course, c0nyersant. .H fi
 Gen. Crook win come as near doing the work with two regiments as any other living man, yet it will tax him to the utmost
The weekly Arizona miner., 1873-06-28
Our Telegraph.

Capt. Geo. F. Price, Fifth Cavalry, and Mir. R. J. Haines called on us Tuesday last, and gave souIe new information concerning the enterprise of connecting military Head quarters here, by telegraph, with Tucson San Diego and the 'uutside world,' which we will endeayor to relate.
 Capt Price will have charge of the soldiers who are to do the work Mir Hnines IS in the employ of the Quartermaster's department, and will have general superintendency of the work-he being a competent line constructor and operator. Gen. J. J. Dana, the worthy chief Quart of this military depart ment, will do everything in hls power 10 build the line.
 The first field work" will be a reconnoi- sanee from Prescott Co Tucson, by Capt. Price and Mir. Haines for the purpose Ot selecting the best and cheapest route The Captain thinks of following the trail over the noun tains from Prescott to Skull valley thence through the head of kirkland valley, through Peoples valley, via Wickenburg and some point on Salt river, to Maricopa Wells, the point of intersection of the line from San Di- ego to Tucson. Mir Haines thinks that the S50,000 already appropriated by Government will complete and equp the line from Pres colt to San Diego, ria Tucson and MariCopa Wells, and we are in hopes that it will. He thought, when speaking to us, that d portion of the material had already arrived at Yuma.
 The Western Union Telegraph Company have contracted to furnish poles for the Cali fornia end, wire, insulators, etc, for the en- tire job, and is said that they have sold these articles at cost, or little less. As the cost of transportation and labor will not have to come out of the appropriation, and as we look to citizens of Arizona living along tue line of the proposed improvement to furnish poles as cheaply as possible, we have grea, faith in the speedy completion of the line In this vicinity, poles will cost but little We look for active operations inside of ; month, and for telegraphic despatches to th' MINER inside of three months.
 The completion and working of the line will mark new era in the history of Ar izona, but, of this, more after it's accomplish ment.