Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-09-19
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A young couple in moderate circum-
stances at the time Of their marriage, were
over whelmed by considerate friends with
/ cake-baskets,y fsh-knives and similar iudis-
pensible articles for house keeping. The
lady however, who WAS of a practical turn,
traded the whole for cook-stoye, an article
she was more accustomed to "wrestle''
with.
H A San francisco milliner has invented
hat which will probably sell well IN cases
where blushings is not so spontaneous as it
might be, or used to be. When the wear
er bows or lowers the head abruptly, a tiny
pair Of steel clamps compress the arteries on
4 each side Of the temples, sending the blood
at once to the cheeks.
A tale of two Norristown husbands One
upon leaving his office the other night, stog-
ped at book store. paid 81 25 for new
article, and went home and presented his
wife with ga pair Of Blue Eyes" The 9th
er, after leaving his Office, stopped at a sa-
loon, paid $1.25for whiskey and went home
and gave his wife pair of Black Eyes.
s 3
A young man who ran away from pleas
ant home in Danbury five years ago, was
heard of in New York, Thursday The
next day his father went there to bring him
back, but the youth would not return. He
had been elected common councilman.
and seemed to glory in his shame DAN
bury Neaos. ar
A Chicago policeman recently observed
a small boy sitting on door step absorbed
in the pages Of volume of Shakespeare =
The sight was SO unusual that the officer
! concluded the boy was Matching some mis-,
chief and arrested him.
It does not surprise any one that Senator
Morton, according to his own account, de
, termiped from the first that be would not
draw his back pay. What astonishes the
people is that it took him five months to let
60 it. s fae
Two men disputing about the pronuncia
ton ofsthe word EITHER -one saying it wa
ee-ther, the other ther-agreed to refer the
matter to the first person they met who hap
pened to be an Irishman, who COMPOUNDED
both by declaring it's nayther, for it's ay.
Their 81
Pretty bad under foot said one citizen
to another, as they met in the street.
.asY es, but Its fine overhead responded
the other.
True enough, said the first, 'hut chen,
very few are going that way.
A club was organized in Rochester, N .
Y, last week, called the Dismal Six-aI
the members old bachelors, whose sole aim
is to make themselves miserable The pre-
siding officer is called the doeful grand
while his deputy is known as the vice.doleful.
During fire in Memphis, the other day,
woman carried a barrel Of -four siown
stairs without bursting a hoop. IL or,iina
nv times it exhausts her &c strike her hu,-
band twice with the poker.
Some one calls 'sthe race Of American
woman indolent," whereupon one OF them
retorts, ri wonderif that man ever reflected
upon the amount of shopping we do, and
the willingness with which We DO il 2"
An Omaha woman committed suicide the
other day because her husband remonstrs-
ted in profane terms when he found dead
horsefy in wheat cake. .e
Blackwood dares to assert that every man
who is not monster, mathematician, or
mad philosopher, is a slave Of some woman
or other.
The following announcement appeared re
IL ch
Church-On Sunday next the afternoon
service will commence at half-pas three,
and continue till further notice"
A woman, called up to attend the dying
bedside ola friend, was deprived of the
melancholy pleasure by the delay occasion
ed in borrowing abreast-pin suitable for the
occasion.
A St. Paul woman who used to keep
three girls, now does her own work cheer.
fully. She found her husband throwing
kisses at them.
vs. A country paper speaking Of catch Of
fishes, says some Of them were ''slappers"i
s'SIappers" is comparative of the word
"whopper." As, positive 'whopper, com.
parative 'slapper, superlative ,'sockdola.
GER gsss ssSTE}'sf
The last case of jumping from the patro.
nymic frying pan into the fire, is that Of
Miss Pizbylowiez, of Leavenworth, who has
recently married Johannes Schelkughwan-
kilate. = &
A Connecticut boy received dollar for
learning 800 Bible verses, and has bought
with it handsome deck of linen-back
cards.
The Roundout Times has been victim
i zed by travelling flour" printer, who is
described as ''a short, scrawny individual,
with more jaw than a mule.
Boy presents dollar bill in Hartford
bakeshop. Little girl, who is acting chief
clerk: "My father is very perpendicular
about taking torn bills"
All Cheek is reporter on the San Fran
cisco "Jab-Jab. His name would apply to
the whole class Of reporters.
Two Cincinnati newspapers are quarrel
ling because they look alike, and buyers Of
ten often purchase one for the other.
Cincinnati is to have nevsboys' library.
Contributions Of marbles and top-strings re.
spectfully solicited.
A pumpkin, followed out, was used as
ballot. box at recent Kansas election.
naner adyertises for s'girls for cook.