American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-10-25
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


wax, to be sure.
FIFTY new weekly newspapers have
been started in Nebraska within the past
year.
"SAM why am de dogs de most intclli-
gent folks in the world ~ because dey
nose ebryting."
MANY people in the world live by
hook or by crook. They begin with the
crook, and then the hook comes naturally
enough.
A PROSPEROUS Western merchant has
for his motto, early to bed and early to
rise, never get tight, and advertise, let
your wares be known if you are wise"
THE British sovereigns now on their
way to this country will, it is re-
ported, be naturalized by melting them
down, and recoining them in United
States coinage.
THERE are only two living animals
the man and the dog-which can stand an
instantaneous change from Arctic cold to
tropical heat without suffering deteriora-
ton or losing health.
PARAsOLs, to screen from the sun, were
luXuries known to the Chinese and Tar
tars as early as the fourth century, and
perhaps long before, but they were ensigns
of dignity, and used only by persons of
rank.
A NEGRO held a COW while cross-eyed
man was to hit her on the head with an
ak. The negro, observing the mans eyes,
in some fear inquired, as you gwine to
hit where you lOok?" "Yes." "Den,"
said Cuffee, 'hold the COW yourself"
FIVE geese died suddenly in Cali
fornia, and a postmortem examination re-
vealed five dollars worth of gold in each,
supposed to have been picked up in some
mining sluice. "The goose that laid the
golden egg is now no longer myth.
TUPPER remarks that "a babe in the
house is a well spring of pleasure;" and
so, perhaps, it is; but there is a time
(Spilkins is our authority when it is as
insufferable as funeral next door.
THAT" saith Spilkins, ''is when it is
awake"
AN unsophisticated farmer when asked
by the paying-telle of bank what de
nomination he would have his bills in,
replied, You may give me a sprinklin'
of Presbyterian, but the heft on 'em I'll
take in good old Hard-shell Baptist"
AN old farmer became seriously ill, and
was urged by his neighbors, who thought
he was going to die, to call in minister
to pray for him. "To pray for mel No,
sir; l am an original Granger, and do not
want any middle man between me and
Almighty God!"
river in Ireland. 1t is frequented by the
fish from its sources to the sea, is 100 miles
in length, and has catchment basin of
4,j53 square miles. 1t possesses at least
fifty good tributaries, twenty five of which
are frequented by the fish.
A MAN who came down to Leavenworth
recently from st. Joe, to attend the fair,
mistookCentral Market for the Exposition,
and walked around among the wagons for
about two hours. He pronounced it a
good display, but said there was rather
more competition in hay and wood than
he had seen at any of the other fairs.
CHAT seat is engaged" said pretty
young maid, as | entered a car one day.
Ito whom ?" "A young gentleman" she
poutingly said. "Then where is his bag
gage, pray?" Her rosy lips opened like
rosebuds in spring; her face in deep
bushes was dyed; as, muttering Grossly,
'Yo GU hateful old thing! Why, l am his
baggage!' she cried.
AN Ohio clergyman relates that as he
was once about to marry couple the man
said: 'Be short! be short,'' | said, "Ycs,
l can do it in three minutes" That's
right he said. l saw that there was some
little dissatisfaction on the part of the
it too short?" No" she said, "a body
don't want to get herself up SO for moth
ing"
ACCORDING to California paper,
young lady of that city, in telling gen.
tleman about her Yosemite trip, said the
scenery was gorgeous-perfectly ravish
ing-but she didn't like their style of 10
comotiOn down there. 'How's that?"
said her friend, chow did you locomote?'
'Why, don't you think" she replied, Il
had to ride a Ia clothes-pin"
THE New Orleans Times gets off the fol
lowing busting poetry:
Mary had little lamb.
With which she used TO tIssle.
She snatched the wool all off its back,
And stuffed it in her hustle
The lamb soon he had been fccced,
And in passion flew;
But Mary got up on her ear,
And stuffed the lamb in, too.
A son of Ethiopia entered Station Ill,
at Boston, few evenings ago, to com
plain of IA colored brother who had broken
a chair into splintcrs over his head. Upon
an insinuation regarding the absence of
marks on his Uranium, he Indignantly an
swered: mo! 'e didn't make no marks,
but 'e smashed de char all ter pieces, and
de char b'longed ter me-"
SUPPOSE a man owns a skiff; he fastens
the skiff to the shore with a rope made of |
straw; along comes COW; COW gets into |
the boat, turns round, and eats the rope |
the skiff, thus let loose, with the COW on
board, starts down stream, and on its pas |
sage is upset; the COW is drowned. Now |
has the man that owns the COW got to pay |
for the boat, or the man that owns the |
boat got to pay for the COW?
A FEW years ago, a gentleman who had |
lost his nose, was invited out to tea. "Mv |
dear" said the good lady of the house to |
her little daughter Il want you to be very |
particular and make no remark about Mr. |
Jenkins nose" Gathered around the |
table, everything was going well the child |
peeped about, looked rather puzzled, and |
at last startled the table: Ma, why did |
you tell me to say nothing about Mr.. |
Jenkins nose? He hasn't got any"
In the good old days when logging
was considered as means of grace, and |
professions, picnics, and |
Christmas trees were in the very distant fu-
ture, a boy was asked by his Sunday school |
teacher: John, how many Gods are
there - 1.-TWO" (Sternly)-"IIow many? ,"
Three, sir" "John, how many Gods are
there ?" -Four, sir.' AT five the fogging
and continued, while John
rose rapidly and by regular progression,
to ten. Beyond ten he refused TO go, and |
was finally sent home. AS he dragged |
his slow length along" he met boy on
that Sunday school ~ "1es" "You are,
are you? Wen, how many Gods are
there?" "One,' stoutly answered the boy,
''one!" Gone" chuckled John; ego on,
my boy. Go up there with your one God,
and a good time You will have of it.
had ten, and they logged me nearly to