The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-03-07

= A man adveFtises for q compE
tent person to undertake the sale G
= q new medicine. and adds that 'si
! will prove highly lucrative to th
, undertaken"
A western paper laments becaus
of the prevalence of the idea that
is more respectsbis TO sell shoes 70
SO week, than to earn SIS b
making them.
Indianapolis does not encourag
tradesmen who try to recover debts
A grocer in that city who publishes
list of non-paying customers hs
been sued for libel. -l=-. I'll,
The party Ito street urchiu.
"Boy, what do you suppose thatdol
is following me fol-? 2" The young
ster casts knowing look at hin
and readily replies: eGuess he take
you for bOne!" ra.-
Slowly but surely, the great of thu
world are passing away, and nonG
remain to fill their places. To thu
long array of brilliant and famous
men lately deceased we are now
Obliged to add that of Mr.. EEhraim
%. Mitchell, the " champion clam.
digger" of Bridgeport, CT.
A Springfield MASS paper says
The windy beard OF Eolus himself
and all is succedanous bags OF at
mosphere, besWept our segment OF
earth from long ere dawn of yester.
/ day through q bitter twentY-fouT
hours of extreme winrerness and
physical and spiritual shiveringe.
A lady of literary turn writes to
know il she can pay for her psper
by writing poetry. Oh, certainly /:
we will allow three cents . pound
for manuscript poetry, or che can
darn our stockings for amount-it's
all the same to us. We are in favor
of patronizing home talent.-You-
kers Gazette. .r.---...... s...-
An agricultural paper says stray
berry beds may be protected from
birds by running a wire along the
walk to which q cat is chained. Her
movements up and down the length
of the wire will keep the birds
away. Where there is no chain, the
wire can be run through the cat,
and heated to . temperature that
will fill the cat with Q longing to
keep moving. H, =. +.
An editor up north advertised the
other day that he would take Q good
dog in payment of one years sub
scription for his paper. The next
day foFty-three dogs were sent to
the Office. The day afterwards, when
the news had spread out into the
country, four hundred farmers had
sent two dogs apiece by express,
with eight baskets full of puppies,
all marked e. o. ID. In the mean
time the offer. found its way into
neighboring states, and before the
end OF the week there were eight
thousand dogs, tied up with ropes,
in the editors front and back yards.
The assortment includes all the
kinds from the bloodhounds down
to poodles. A few hundred broke
loose and swarmed on the stairway
and howled, and had fights, and
shifted under the crack of the door
as if they were hungry for some ed
itor. And the editor climbed out
of the window, up the water-spout,
and out on the comb of the roof and
wept. There was no issue of the
paper for six days, and the only
way the friends of the eminent Jour
naiist could feed him was by send
ing lunch up to him in balloons. At
lsst somebody bought q barrel of
arsenic and three tons of beef, and
poisoned the dogs, aud the editor
came down only to find on his desk
a bill from the Mayor for eight
thousand dollars, being the munic-
ipal tax on dogs at one dollar a head.
WoMES AND When a wo-
man has g hen to drive into the
coop she takes hold of her hoops with
both hands, and shakes them quietly
toward the delinquent, and says,
sShewi there" The hen takes one
look at the object to convince her
self that it's a woman, and then
stalks maiestically into the coop in
perfect disgust of the sex. A man
don't do that way. He goes out of
doors and says, SIT is singular that
nobody about this house can drive q
hen but myself" and, picking up a
stick of wood, hurls it at the Offend
ing biped, and observes, "Get in
there, you thief" The hen imme-
diately IoOses her reason, and dashes
to the opposite end of the yard. The
man straightway dashes after her.
She comes back again with her head
down, her wingsant, and followed
by an assortfdedt of stove wood,
fruit cans, and coal clinkePs, with q
much putting and very mad man in
the rear. Then she skims up on the
stoop, and under the barn and over
a fence or two, and around the
house, and back again into the coop,
all the while talking as only an ex-
cited hen can talk, and all the while
followed by things convenient for
handling, and by man whose coat
is on the saw.buck, and whose hat
10 on the ground, and whose perspi-
ration and profanity appear to have
no limit. By this time the other
hens have come out to take q hand
in the debate, and help dodge the
missils-and the man says every
hen on the place shall be sold in the
morning, and puts on his things and
goes down street, and the woman
dons her hoops, and has every one
of those hens housed and contented
in two minutes, and the only sound
heard on the premises is the ham.
mering by the eldest boy, as he
mends the broken pickets.-Dan-
bury News.