The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-06-07
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

luxurcs are expensive III lhoi"'" any '
Arthur Smith, postmaster at Tallyville, Name
has defaulted. The government VIII loose "
cents unless his bondsmcn are gooo'-bd'"c"
Netcs Grant Organ.)
Had the amount been $4,000 the Ne'rs wouio
probably have maintained judicious silence
but a radical who cannot steal more than w Gus
has no right that Grant newspaper is bound 10
respect.
Nor FOR "BEEMUs"-It is well known that
some men have al aversion to sprltuous liquors,
and cannot use II, no matter now thirsty .hcy
are but can drink pop. Now, there is "bee,iius,
Of the Ottawa Free Trader, who has strong
aversion to pop. He was insutcd several tllncs
last Tuesday at Millington, by several OF his
friends asking him to take. pop, when they knew
ne could not drink it. We are OF the OPINION
that "Beenus" will come out o. n. IN time II ms n.
friends will leave him to carry out MS own ilvii-
cations. But however, at present, no pop 'o'
"Beemus."- Bdtdpia Ne,rs
The Ners has expressed our precise sen'i'
ments to dot We can't drink pop; we won't
drink pop; we don't drink pop.
Here is California earthquake incident: An
unruly colt had broken loose from his tether,
and the owner was chasing him about the lou
when the shock came. The colt disappeared,
but the farmer has tirst-class drain across his
tortyacrc farm.
San Francisco has hotel which is under the
exclusive management of the fair SEX Inc pro
prietor walters, clerks, boots anu o.ncr OLA
Gals are all ladies; and the bartendress Is SAID
TO make the best drink in the state, and TO hoist
in an occasional one herself with great non
Chalence.-EJ
And still it is said that women have not their
rights.
Some of our most influential citizens are max
ing preparations to spend the summer at Lake
Ohoggoggaggo ggmanchoggaggogg, Michigan
This place is particularly recommended for peo-
ole afflicted with stammering; by the time they
can tell where they are, they're wholly cured
IAN awful Holcaust.-Two Hundred People
fell into Rock River" As "holieaust means
destroyed by fire." we presume the Etm"a
Budget had no dictionary, and was stranger 10
such "causts" or it would not have used the
above heading for the Dixon fatality,
The following we cheerfully endorse, and be-
leye we can "thrash" the man who denies or
even doubts it:
Hanggthis in the library, parlor, office, store,
shop, or some other place where 1t will be seen
What does it matter il we lose a few minutes
in whole day" "Answer-Timc Table: days
n year, 3l3; working hours in day, 81
d, h. m.
minutes lost each day is, in year. 2 81
10 minutes lost each day is, in year.. q 10
20 minutes lost each day Is, in year. II ~
20 minutes lost each day is, in year...19 30
10 minutes lost each day is, in year.. D ~
We trust that the above will touch the hearts
If those who called in to see you Just for
ninute.n
The man to whom the following happened de-
serves our deepest sympathics. Wen venture a
bottle of pop that the poor chap will be minus
calp, not to speak of his front teeth, within less
han six weeks:
In Middletown, Conn.,, recently, girl backed
nut Of her marriage engagement when the MIN
ster got to the house. The bridegroom wasn't
# the brokenh hearted kind. He turned to the
,ther gal thatl occupy this vacant situation, I'm
ler'n" Up jumped the sister Of the lady who
lad declined to be n bride, saying, Count me In.
Proceed with the performance. amt afcarcd;'
nd the ceremony was performed.
A highly trained nine of Western base ball
ub are labeled poison" they are such strict
inc.
The above was the last effort OF q base ball lu-
attic. We hope he and the club may get
rudge against themselves and try dose of
heir own medicine.
A damsel in Athens, Ga, rcvenged herself on
ler inconstant lover by biting off his ear.-Eh.
And yet there are male persons who are ready
o rush into matrimony
Rev. W. g. Parsons of Weatherford, Texas,
was recently mistaken Tor a turkey and killed
Parsons are generally supposed to gobble tur.
teys, and from long years of gobbling this fowl
It's no wonder the fellow was shot for gobbler.
Oswego is noted for its pretty girls.-Rock
rolls Progress.
And the pretty girls Of Oswego are also noted
-ome for their U. S. notes-othcrs for their notes
hat are past due-and Others again of the pref
~ girls OF Oswegc for their Of ne 90, when a
good looking chap wants to marry one of 'em.
They have a sweet man up at Yorkyillc. His
name is Sugar; front name, Gus" DE- GustJus
.oE!
Miss Lille Crane resigns the post of forewo.
man in the Troy collar shop 10 take the chair Of
assistant editor of the Coh0es On W Democrat. !
Having gone out of the collar business she
VIII OF course not support Grant.
4 female student of Colby University Maine,
took the second prize for excellence in dccama.
'iun.-Ey.
OF course! Who ever dared to beat woman
g.. declaiming?
"A prudent man." says a witty Frenchman, ais
Ike pin; his head prevents him from going
700 far.n-E1.
Yes; but how If he is so dull that he can mel.
Ler make nor see point?
Subscriber" writes to the San Francisco
CtlOnjcls:
AN idea struck me this morning by which
he MOdocs may be easily eXterminated while in
he lava beds. II is this Construct a kite ca.
pabe of carrying weight, say ten pounds; sus-
pend 10 the tail a can Of nitro-g lyccrinc having
IN arrangement for its ready detachment; then
fly il until perpendicularly over any spot In the
ava beds, which any experienced engineer can
.eadily determine, pull the detachng string, and
he havoc that wovld follow the explosion of the
uOX would think, De terrible and eiict tua I
knOther-fOr some experienced aerOnaut to as. '
eend in balloon and drop the box. If you think
he hint worth anything, please give il publicity
Trough your valuable paper"
joaquin Miller lived with the Modocs for
pf ypars-ET