The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-07-01
The Pleasures of the Picnic.


This is the season OF the year when
pic,nics are most frequent For real
solid enjoyment we, for our part must
prefer a well conducted funeral to an
ordinary pic-uic. You generally reach
the grounds about eleven o'clock and
the exercises begin with climbing a hill
up which you are compelled to carry
two heavy lunch baskets. When you
reach the summit you are positively
certain the thermometer must be nearly
six hundred and fifty in the shade. You
throw yourself on the grass, and In q
few moments brigade OF black ants
begin to crawl down the back OF, your
neck, while a phalanx of ticks charge
up YOUR trowser legs. And just as you
Jump up your Oldest boy, who has been
out in the woods, where he stirred up a
yellow Jackets nest, comes in with his
head and face swelled to the size OF q
water bucket; conveying the informa-
ton that your other boy, William
Henry, is up tree and can't get down.
After labering to release William
Henry the thermometer seems to have
gone up two hundred more degrees, and
YOU think you will take swim in the
creek. While your are in the water,
young Jones strolls out withMiss Smith,
and unconscious OF your presence, they
sit down close to your clothes, and en-
gage in conversation for three quarters
of an hour, while you lie down in the
shallow water, afraid to bulge and
nearly killed with the hot sun. When
they leave, you emerge and find tbs!
some wicked boy from the village has
run of with your shirt and socks. You
fix up as well as you can, and when
you get back with the party they are
eating dinner from cloth laid on the
ground. A spider is spinning cobweb
from the pickle jar to the little end OF
the cold ham straddlebugs are lrolick.
ing around over the pound cake, cater
pillars are exploring the bread plate,
grasshopper5 are jumping into the but"
ter, where they stick fast, the bees are
SO thick around the sugar bowl that
you are afraid to 90 near it, and there
are enough ants in the pie to walk COM
pletely off with it. You take a seat,
however, determined to try to eat some
thing, but you get up suddenly-all at
once as it were, for you have sat down
on a brier. Then William Henry, who
has quaffed an unreasonable amount oil
lemonade, gets the collie, and his mother
goes into Mysteries because she thinks
he is poisoned with poke berries. You
lay him under an umbrella, and proceed
to climb a tree in order to fix swing
for the girls. After skinning your
hands, tearing your trousers and running
yor coat, you get to the top, tie the rope
and undertake to come down on it. You
do come down with velocity, and your
fingers are rubbed entirely raw. Just
then it begins to rain iuriously, and the
whole party stampedes to the depot for
shelter. When the shower slackens
you 20 back TO the ground to get the
rope, and just as you get up in the tree
the owner Of the place comes along with
q gun and dog, and threatens to blow
your brains out and eat you up if you
don't leave Immediately. Then you
come down again with celebrity, and get
over the fence as if you were in earnest.
Going home in the train all the passen-
gers regard you, from your appearance,
as an escaped sonvict, or lunatic who
has broken from his keepers and when
you reach home you plunge into shirt,
cover your hands with court plaster, and
register solemn VOW never to 60 on
another picnic. And we are with you
we never will either.-Ilaz Adler.