The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1873-09-12
A Mitigation Of Step-MOtherhOOd.
BY GAIL HAMILTON.


BY GAIL HAMILTON.
To the general truth that the marriage
of two people concerns only themselves
there is a single exception. When
either has, by n previous marriage,
children who have arrived at the age OF
discretion, and who are not established
in separate families, the marriage should
not take place without their consent.
Any one may make a marriage which
shall be disgraceful TO his parents and
his brothers and set. But while this is
very provoking, and justifies his family
in Withdrawing from his association,
should that be the wisest course, it is Of
different sort from the folly and per-
versity which involves children in
trouble. A mans duty to his father is
of a far less intimate kind than his duty
TO his children. Moreover, though he
makes match displeasing to his faith
err il very much less affects that faith
er's daily life. He takes the objection
able wife to his own house. His father
and mother need never meet her. 1t is
but an outside matter, mere affection
Of reputation, a veXatiOn by proxy.
But TO his children it is a sore evil, and
Of long and daily and hourly cOntinu-
ance. | have seen the father Of re-
spectacle family live for years happily
in his widowed home. His daughters,
under the loving hand OF an accom-
plished relative, grew up everything
that fathers heart could wish. And
that father, tempted by the devil, and
aided and abetted thereby, suddenly be-
came enamOred of fierce, unprincipled,
powerful woman, who speedily set his
house by the ears, drove his daughters
out of il, and himself into crime and
woe which will not end with his life.
Daughters may be foolish, and preju-
diced against step-mOthers in general,
and step-mOther in particular; but
they are daughters, existing by and for
his will and pleasure, and not their own,
and he should be lenient even TO their
folly, and heedful even of their preju-
dice. He has no right to introduce dis
cord into their home and unhappiness
into their life in the shape Of a woman
who is not needed, and whom he would
bring not for their good, but for his own.
The first time he had a right to consult
himself, but this time his children
should be consulted, and if they may
not have the full appointing power, they
at least should have the right of veto.
If they are more than properly and nat
urally reluctant; if they are unreasona-
bic and selfish, he is the right one to
bear the penalty, for he should have
brought them up better. II he has sue
ceeded so i'll with the children OF one
marriage, it is of very little consequence
that he is prevented from making
another.
In all cases Of discord in these foreign
alliances the sympathy of society, both
in and out Of fairy stories, is with the
children and against the mother; and
this is well, though it works harshly
sometimes. But il should always be
remembered that the children are the
helpless, the ignorant, the passive party,
while the woman is mature and free
agent The little children are simply
handed over to a stranger and an alien
and | refer now only to the families of
Httte children who are not old enough
TO make assent or dissent intelligently.
If woman allies herself to a family of
grown children without their cordial
welcome, she deserves all the trouble
She encounters. But even where there
are little ones, she Is not a little one,
and the sympathy OF society is julyst
with the weak and not with the strong.
Nor Is the tenderness, the humanity OF
woman so overpOweringly predominant
IN this relation as to make the prejudice
against 1t wholly prejudice. While
we have all seen many who discharged
It's duties with fidelity and warm affec-
N.NAl1 anu " io were DGlONGu anu nOUOfeu
as they deserved, it is not to the credit
OF woman that so many have but an in
different success. II there is anything
Wnich would enlist all the pity and in
uuleSnee ot feeling heart, ii is the lit
tle cilllufen from whom a mother has
Deen torn away. II, in addition TO this.
woman loves their father, how is il
possible that she should not have in
tilem quick vital interest, should not
be lnstinctively and jealously alive TO
their comfort, their welfare. their han
piness Suppose the children are very
trying peevish, imperious, quarrelsome,
or even false? Still they are the chill
dren OF her husband, his body and soul,
and though she cannot have for them
the very mothers love, it would seem
that her love for him should Overshadow
and embrace all that are his. Some
times il is an aunt, or a sister, or
cousin who feeds the flame OF revolt in
the younger members. In that case let
the step-mOther ruthlessly and promptly
trample aunt, sister and cousin under
foot. \ bad woman will do it for the
sake Of abusing her step-children with
lmpunity. Shall a good woman hesi-
tate TO do il for the sake of training
tnem TO harmony and amiability and
virtue and grace Whoever comes be-
tween woman and her husband or her
chlldren should be sacrificed. If she
cannot be converted, she should be ban
Ished. h And when woman has the
Whole Held TO herself with ali fhe sway
winch ioVe gives her over her husband
anu which superiority OF education
PoslIloh and wisdom gives her over the
ordiaoa,! onIi1ren II would seem as il heart OF
,,li,iiy O,OiliJi sense might conquer even their
prejudice, secure their alIeoianca 81
command the situation anu
But the situation is no Joke. nor is
any foolish talking or jesting conven-
lent concerning it. There is much had
image about marriage and its prelimins-
ries which is not too delicate or TO-
seemly; but in the hey-day Of life. when
the young man and maiden have NOT
yet passed out of their frolicsome and
buOyant youth, or eaten of the tree OF
the knowledge of good and evil, much
may be pardoned, much condoned, and
much may even be allowed to foam and
sparkle away in merry banter. But l