Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-14

0, no the apprehension of the good
Gives but the greater feeling to the worse.
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Men are April when they WOO, Decem-
Der when they wed.
Life is as tedious as twice-told tale,
vexing the dull ear of drowsy man.
If all the year were playing holidays,
to sport would be as tedious as work.
Mems evil manners live in brass
their virtues we write in water
When sorrows come, they come not
single spies, but in battalions.
Truth is as impossible to be soiled by
any outward touch as the sunbeam.
Death borders upon our birth, and
our cradle stands in the grave.
The most popular book at watering
places this summer will be the-pocket
book.
There was never yet a philosopher
that could endure the toothache patient
ly.
A man in Delaware who has half
sister is now wondering where the other
half can be.
Suspicion always haunts the guilty
mind: the thief doth fear each bush an
officer.
WEAKNESS can snore upon the flint,
when resty sloth finds the downy pillow
hard.
The fishes live in the sea, as meE do
a-land: the great ones eat up the little
ones.
Reading maketh full man, confer
ence ready man, and writing an exact
man.
A little philosophy inclineth a mans
mind to atheism, but depth in philosophy
bringeth mems minds about to religion.
The loss of wealth is loss of dirt,
AS sages in all times assert;
The happy man s without shirt.
At coroner's inquest a witness was
asked, "What was the last thing seen by
the deceased % kerosene" was the
reply.
At a recent dinner of shoemakers the
following toast was given: May we
have all the women in the country tt
shoe and the men to boot.
Knott and Shott fought duel. The
the result was that they changed condi
tions, Knott was shot and Shot was not
1t was better to be Shott than Knott.
Let the world slide, let the world go:
A fig for care, and a fig for woe
If we can't pay, why we can owe,
And death makes equal the high and low
A young fortune-Lunter surprised hi
friends by announcing that he was goin,
into agriculture, and should commenc
his husbandry by removing weeds
some rich and lovely widows weeds.
A man in Kansas accidentally fell in
to vat of boiling water and was killed
His bereaved children erected tom
stone to his memory, with the brief bu
touching inscription "par-boiled. =
; A Kansas writer speaks of a youn
: lady who appears as fresh and buoyan
as the budding rose after passing throug
the dew-gilded sieve of the fragrar
dawn The writer is still living.
The Minnesota papers have been bras
ging over champion old man who wa
showed up and remained in snow ban
forty-nine hours. 1t has since been a
certained, though, that he was taken o,
dead.
1t is said that there are people in ii
mountain districts of Kentucky, so gree
that they followed a wagon that happel
ed to pass that way, twenty miles, ju
= to see whether the hind wheels woul
overtake the fore ones
Four doctors tackled Johnny Smit
they blistered and they bled him. Wit
squills and anti-billious pills they fl
him. They stirred him up. with cal
mel, and tried to move his liver Tw
Sc all in vain His little soul was waite
DER the river.
!, A young drug clerk committed suici,
few days ago. At the inquest the co
oner asked fellow clerk if he knew
any cause for the suicide. No." W
the reply; ''he was getting along nice
5 and was going to be married next month
'Going to be married, was he? exclaiI
ed the coroner. That will do. We ha
got at the bottom of this business
A Tennessee paper tells of WON;
who sent her husband to buy a jug
molasses. He got drunk, and fetch
home the jug filled with whisky. S
took it up, smelled it, set it back, al
then squaring herself, arms akimbo a
eyes flashing, she exclaimed, "Wher,
ed them molasses?" The old man smil
and winked pleasantly, and waving
left hand propltiatingly, exclaimt
''Them's they r He is now conval
cent. but the jug is hopelessly derang'
}! They have tremendous joker up
Detroit. He is practical joker I
last joke was so funny that he has h
to secrete himself from public admirat
and applause. He was crossing on
ita IN ferry boat on recent Sunday. when
.cr observed two men sitting on CHI
se, Hs- across the gangway. Quietly slipp
Ir- out the pin from one end, he pluns
ad adj them into the river-one holding to
the chain in safety, the other drowni
on on The police are looking for the jol
They are anxious to present him W
5. the practical joker's order of merit
sci. moose of rope. He is modest and Ike
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