, 1873-06-26
the Way Mark Twain tells i


AS satire upon one of the quite FIRE
quent modes of acquiring wealth. an'i
what some call "respt ctability. in thes
immoral times, the following will serve
its purpose:
g Samuel EcFadden was a watchman
in bank. He was poor, but honest,
and his life was without req roach. The
trouble with him was that he felt he was
not appreciated. His salary WAS only
four dollars week, aud when he asked
to have it raised. the President, Cashier,
and Board of Directors glared AT hlm
through their spectacles and frowned on
him. and told him to go out and stop
his lusolence. when he knew business
was dull and the bank conid not meet
It's expenses now, let alone iavisLinS one
uel Mctaddcn And then Samuel Nc
FAdden felt depressed, sad, AMI the
haughty scorn of tie President and
Cashier cut him to the sonl. He would
often 90 out into the side yard and bow
his venerable 24-inch head. and weep
gallons and gallons If tears over bis lu-
significance, and pray that he might be
worthy of the Presidents and Cashler's $
polite attention.
One nigbta happy thought struck him; :;
CLEAN of light burst upon HIM. and
gazing down the dim vista of years with
his eyes all blinded by JOY ous tears. he
saw himself rich and respected. So
Samuel McFadden fooled ronnd and got
a Jimmy, munkey-wrench, cross-cut
SAW, a cold chisel. dill, and II ton OF
gunpowder and nitro-glycerine ard such
things. Then, in the dead Of night he
went to the fire proof safe, and after
working at it for a while. burst the doc.
and brick into an immo al smash, vi d
such n perfect success that there was
carpet tack. Mr.. McFadden then began to
load up with coupons. greenbacks. GU
rency and specie. and to nail all the odd
change that Was lying anywhere, so that
he pranced out OF the bank with more
than A million of dollars on him. He
II en- retired to an unassumlns residence
ont of town. aud sent word 10 the detec-
tives where we was.
A detective called on him the next day
with soothing n3te from the Cashier.
McFadder treated it with lofty scorn.
Detectives called on him every day With
humble notes from the resident, Cash>
Ter and Boa1d Of Directors. At last the
bank officers gave magnificent private
supper, to which McFadden was invited.
He came, and as the bank officers bowel
down in tie dust before him, he pom
dered we'll over the bitter past, AID his
soul was filled with exultation.
Before he drove away in his carriage
that night, it was fixed that McFadden
was to keep half million Of that money
and to be unmoIested if he returned the
other half. He fulfilled his contract
like an honest an, but refused with
haugLty disdain the offer CT the Cashier
to marry his daughter
Mac is now honoled and respected.
He moves in the best society; he brows-
es around in purple and fine linen and
other gccd clothes. aud enjoys himself
first rate. And he often takes his infant
son on his knee ana tells HIM of hl-
early llfe, and lustils holy principles Ill
to L child S mind. and shows hlm how.
by industry and perseverance. and fru-
gality.an nitro glycerine and cross cut
saws, and monkey. 0renc4les, and famil
larlty with the detective system, even
the poor may rise to responsibility ana
atfiuence.