The Lincoln County herald., 1873-05-07
TERMS OF ADVERTISE fU-
My Deaf Aunt aad Wife,

the FIRST time since my marriage, and 1
don't know what evil genius prompted
tho wickedness which perpe,rated
towards my wise and ancient relation.
MY DEAR" said to my wife on the
day before my aunt's arrival. you know
Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow; we'll.
| forgot to mention q rather Annoying
circumstance with regard to her. Sheis
very deaf, and slthoup b she can hear my
voice, yet you will be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard 1t
will be rather inconvenient, but know
you will do everything in your power to
make her agreeable
Mrs. - announced her determination
to make herself heard, if IN her power.
then went to John NJ, who loves q
joke about as we'll as any person I know
Of and told him to be at my house at G
P. Nj. on the following evening, and fel.
comparatively happy.
went to the railroad depot With b
carriage next night, aud when was on
my way home with my aunt, I said:
"My dear aunt, there is one sather
annoying in6rmity that Annie (my wiie)
has, which l forgot to mention before.
She IS very deaf aud although she caA
heat my voice to which she is accus
toned, IN its ordinary tones, vet you viii
be obliged to speak extremely lood In
order to be heard. aw very sorry foe
it,"
Aunt Mary. in the goodness. OF hes
heart, protested that she vather liked
speaking loud, and to do so, would afford
her great pleasure.
The carriage drove upon the steps
was my witie-in the window was John
N, With face as utterly solemn as If
he had buried his relatives that after
noon.
II am delighted TO see YOU" shrieked
my wife, aud tho policemen on the oppo-
site sidewalk started, and my auu. nearly
fell down the steps.
kiss me, my dear" bawled my aunt;
and the windows shook as with the fever
and ague. I looked at the window
John had disappeared. Human nature
could stand it no longer. pokcd my
head 10 the carriage and vent into strong
convulsons.
When l entered the pa,lor uy wiFo
was helping Aunt Mary to take OF her
hat and cape and there sat John with
his face buried in his handkerchief.
Suddenly ibid you have q pleasant
journey" went Of my wife like . pistol,
uud John nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response in
war whoop, and the conversation con
tinucd.
The neighbors for blocks around must
have heard it; when was in the third
story heard every word.
In the course Of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me:
"Ilow loud your wife talks |"
told her deaf persons tulked loudly
and that my wife being used to me, was
not affected by the assertion. and that
she was getting along very nicely With her.
Presently my wife said softly:
"Alf. how very loud your aunt talks"
"Yes," said l "all deaf persons do.
You're getting along with her finely;
she hears every word you say" And I
rather think she did.
Elated at their success at being under.
stood they went at it hammer aud tonga,
till everything upon the mautlepiece clst
tered again. and was seriously afraid Jf
q crowd collecting in front Of the house,
But the end was near. My aunt being
Of an investigating turn Of mind. was
desirous of 6nding out whether the exes
ton Of talking was injurious to my wsfe.
So
"Doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs?" said she in an unearthly whoop,
for her voice was not % musical % it vac
when she was young.
1T is on exertion," shrieked my wifa.
"Then why do you do h?" was y.s
answering scream.
"Because-because-you can't hear
me If l don't" squealed my wife.
"What!' shouted my aunt. fairty
rivaling a railroad whistle at the time.
began to think it time. to evacuate
the premises; and on looking around
and seeing John gone, I stepped into the
back parlor, and there he lay on his back,
with his feet at right angle with his
body, rolling from side to side with his
fist pokod into his ribs and most ago
nized expression Of countenance, but not
uttering a sound. Immediately and ia
vofuntarially assumed similar attitude,
and | think from the relative position II
our feet aud head, apoplexy must inevi
tably have ensued. If horrible ProaA
which John gave vent 20 in his endeavos
to suppress his visibility had not betrayed
our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who BY
this time comprehending the joke, ant
such a scoldine as I then got never gos
before, and | hope never to get again.
know noe chat the eAd would have
been If John. 10 his endeavors 10 DO rep
sescnted and sympathetic, had aot given
vent to such groan and hoasse laugh.
that oil gravity was spsct End We
screa med 10 conccrt.
know it was very wrong and all that
20 tell such fsi.ehood. but l think that
u 4