Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1873-08-05
THE GARDEN HOSE.
How Lovely woman Uses H..
n. wHITMORE,
Publisher and Proprietor

One more bright dream in life has col.
lapsed for us; and another harp hangs
upon the willow" Only this isn't a
harp, but hosea garden hose. We
INDUCED in sweet visions early in spring
with reference to keeping "the grounds
irrigated with our own apparatus. Let
drought come" we triumphantly ex-
claimed, I'VE shall hose every flower
that thirsteth." We sodded quite ex-
tensively for us, and reserved certain
selected spots for floral display-then we
bought the hose. We found launching
the institution attended with mechanical
difficulty. Several expeditions had to
be made by express to change the hose
to fit our faucets. Then the plumber had
to come and alter the faucets to fit the
hose. In these experimental moments,
we had occasion to study the immense
squirming capacity of water not prop
erly regulated. 1t is astonishing how
soon you can deluge the kitchen, and
what aptitude there is for getting hit in
the eye, and all over your clothes, by
wayward leaks from an uncertain ma.
chine. Science triumphed at last, and the
head, and played magnificently,
and we opened vigorous sprinkling
campaign. Two things we ascertained
early, that the feminine head of the
family considered it her prerogative to
superintend the watering business, and
getting wet was foreordained part OF
this transaction. No matter how well
your hose is iointed, you will be ducked
and drenched in the operation; this IS
matter of the higher law" From the
bay window we received our orders
don't play so hard on the verbenas;
nut more water on the vines; why don
you soak the grass? why on earth do
you wet the paths?" Finding that we
were not likely to do this thing right
anyhow, and being little tired of play
ing second fiddle" we retired from &c
tive operation for q few days and let the
bows take hand at it. If you want to
destroy the serenity of a neighborhood,
the quickest way is to let a boy work n
garden hose. In the first place he wants
to water the street, to the peril OF tray-
elers, instead Of con6ning his labors to
the inside of the fence. Then all the
other boys within mile seem to know
the fact, and they swarm like flies
around the youthful representative Of
rain. Then a struggle commences. The
boy of the house leth his companions have
it in the face; they retaliate by stamping
over the flowers, and stepping on the hose
to prevent the flow of the liquid, and a
general row ensues, only to be sup
pressed by madame in n majestic state
of indignation, who finally succeeds in
dispensing the rebels, and proudly bears
away the insulted instrument to its place
of repose in the back shed. We are
informed when we arrive home that oil
The children of the neighbood left our
nren1ises in a condition of immersion,
and never While she lives, is that hose
to be put again in the custody OF boysl
When we undertake TO water the next
time. we are nervously conscious that
our efforts do not meet the expectations
of the presiding angel Of the houshold.
She can stand our ineapacity no longer,
and comes out in o rural straw hat, and
saws: LET me show you how to do It;
men are SO awkwardr She grasps the
hose as q woman is apt to grasp a plstol,
as though she was o little afraid II
might 90 of suddenly, and the nozzle
having a limp, downward tendency,
fires away very near her tidy slipper.
Mercyf' she utters, and reetiiying
the range with quick upward move
ment, she takes the lady in white muslin,
ringing the bell at the next door, with a
perfect line shot" Dropping the hose,
she begs pardon in the incest manner,
remarking that "Mr. - has been using
the hose, and got it so out OF order 1t
behaves shamefGlly." We sneak into the
house with a weight on our minds, and
AT night we dream that for soE1e terrible
ofTense we have been sentenced to sprE-
lla the Desert of Sahara with garden
hose. Suffering under the scorching
ravs of a tropical sun, and alarmed at
The appearance Of Arabs and howling
deryishes that dance round Us, et the
slgbt of water we shrek in our midnight
agonT. We are awakened from our
nigbtmare 70 be informed that We have
made fuss and trouble enough during
The day not to make tha night hideous.
Anv one wishing to procure 3 Erst-class
rarden hose, in perfect working order.
,Sayrauted TO squirt correctly when USED
- ne proper parties, can buy one cheap
- gs an coRdiii0p that they will exer-
c;se Il in another cSrnty. - aver
Dinner.
- ..-r 4 l., Ill ha hulIf