Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-12-18
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THETROUBLE IN THE ARK.

able to forget or describe nave attempted
several times to write it. But it cannot be
put on paper. The main force of it was in
the snuffing and splitting and groaning and
hound-after-a fox sort of yelp and whine, to
which no pen can do justice.
The preacher had just been licensed and it
was his first sermon. In person he was small,
bullet-headed, of fair, sandy complexion, and
his countenance was Indicative OF sincerity
and honesty. His remarks evinced great rev.
erence for the works of God as manifested
in ZOOLOGY and natural history, and he "was
taking up the Bible in regular order for the
first time in his life" He had gotten as far as
the history of Noah, the ark, the flood, etc.
Besides, just before his conversion he had been
reading Goldsmith's Animated Natar," and
the two together, by the aid and assistance Of
the sperit, had led him into powerful frame
of thinking as he stood at his workbench
"day in and day out" But whatever his
sermon may have been, it was his own. The
text was GAS it was in the days Of Noah, so
shall the coming of the Son Of man be."-Af-
ter commenting upon that portion of Genesis
descriptive of the food, he ''warmed up" sud-
denly and broke out in the following strains:
eyes, my brethren, the heavens of the win
dows was opened.ah, great deep kivered the
waters.ah, and there was Shem, and there was
Ham, and there was Japheth all all a-gwine
into the ark-ah.
"And there was the ele-phant-ah, that
GREAT animal-ah, of which Goldsmith de-
scribes in his Animated Natar.ah, what is as
big as horse-ah, and his bones as big as a
tree-ah depending somewhat on the size OF
the tree-ah, all a-gwine into the ark.ah.
And the heaven of the windows opened.ah,
and the floods Of the great deep klvered the
waters-ah, and there was Shem, and there
was Ham, and there was Japheth-ah, all
gwine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the hippopotamus-ah, that
great animal-ah, of which Goldsmith des-
cribes in his Animated Natar.ah' what has a
great horn-ah a-sticken up out of his for
rard-ah, six feet long, more or less-ah, depen-
ding, somewhat on the length of it-ah, all
agwine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the giraffe, my brethrin, that
ill.contrived reptile Of which Goldsmith des-
cribes in his Animated Natar-ah' whose fore
legs is twenty-five feet long, more or less'ah,
depending some what on the length of 'em-ah,
and a neck so long he can't eat hay off the
top of barn.ah, depending somewhat on the
hithe of the barn-ah, all gwine into the ark
ah. And the heavens and the windows was
opened ah, and the floods of the great deep
kivered the waters ah there was Shem, and
there was Ham, and Japheth.ah all agwine in
to the ark-ah.
"Ah there was the zebra, my bretheren.ah,
the beautiful animal Of which Goldsmith des-
cribes in his Animated Nater'-ah, which has
three hundred stripes a runnin' right round
his body-ah, more or less, depending somewhat
on the number of strpes-ah and marry two
stripes alike-ah, all a-gwine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the anaconder.ah, that
great sarpint which Goldsmith describes in his
Animated Natar-ah,' what can swallow six
oxens at meal-ah, provided his appetite
don't call for less ah, all a-gwine into the ark
ah. And the heavens of the windows was
opened ah, and the floods of the great deep
kivered the waters ah, and, there was Shem,
and there was Ham and there was Japheth-ah,
all gwine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the lion, my bretherenah,
what is the king of the beasts accordin' to
scripter-ah, and who, St. Paul says.ah, prowls
around of night like roarin' devil.ah, a
seekin' if he can't catch somebody-ah, all a
gwine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the antelope, my breth-
eren, that frisky little critter-ah, Of which
Goldsmith describes in his Animated Mater
ah, what can Jump seventy-fve feet straight
up-ah, and twice that distance down-ah, pro-
vided his legs will take him that fur-ah, all
gwine into the ark-ah. And the heavens
of the windows was orened-ah, and the floods
of the great deep kivered the waters-ah, and
there was Shem and there was Ham and there
was Japheth-ah, all agwne in the ark-ah.
Just at this point he stopped speaking
few moments, wiped his forehead, turned
back his wristbands, ran his fingers through
his hair, spit and rubbed his boot in it, drank
little commenced on lower key, and pro.
ceeded as follows:
"But time would fail me, my brethren, to
describe all the animals that went into the
ark-ah. Your patience and my strength
would give out before got half through .ah.
We talk, my brethern, Of the faith of Abra'
ham and the patience of Job-ah, but it strikes
me they didn't 60 much ahead of old Noer-
ah. 1t tuck a right smart chance O. both, to
gether up all that gopher wood and pitch
and other truck for to build that craft-ah.
1 am sort of carpenter myself and have
some idee of the job-ah. But to hammer, and
saw, and maui, and split away on one thing a
hundred and twenty years.ah, and lookin' for
his pay in another worldah-I tell you lny
brethrin' if the Lord had sot Job at tbnt, it's
my opinion he would have tuck his> >@ite's adj
vice inside Of fifty years-ah, BESIDES, no
doubt, his righteous soul wgS Sfexed every day,
hand runnin', with the Rthy communications
of the blasphemousSet that was always loaf
erin and sauntodn around-ah, a plckln. up
his tools andG misplacin EN-, and a calm
him an pld fool or somethin' worse-ah and to
can ne climax, he was preacher, and had
thttt ongodly gineration in his hands every
Sunday-ah. But the Lord stood by and seed
him through the job-ah; and when every
thing was ready he didn't send Noer out to
scrammage and scour and hunt all over the
wide world for to get up the critters and var
mints that he wanted to save-ah. They all
come to his hand of their own accord, and
Noer only had to head 'em in and fix 'em
round in their places-ah. Then he gethered
up his own family, and the Lord shut him in,
and the heavens Of the windows was opened-ah.
"But my bretherin', Nocr-ah had use for
patience after this-ah Think what time he
must had feedin' and q waterin' and
cleanin out after such crowd.ah. Some of
'em, accordin' to Goldsmiths Animated Ma
ter'-ah, was carniverous, and wanted fresh
meat-ah, and some were herbiverous, and
wanted vegetable food.ah, and some were
wormiverous, and swallowed live things
whole-ah and he had to feed every one ac-
cordin' to its mater. Hence, we view, my
bretherin' -ah, rs the mater of animals wasn't |