Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-02-13
Humor, and wisdom.

ing ones. He said. the former never
kept him waiting for copy. j
IL WANT to know" said creditor
heroelH "when you are going to pay
me what you owe mot" When I'm
going to pay2 Why, You are pretty
fellow! Do you take me for . Proph-
et3"
| A SWEET little boy, only eight years
old-bless his little heart-walked into
the scene of teachers' examination at
Oswego, LAST week, and bawled ont,
"Annie, your feller is down to the
house," .''1cr
A POET asks, .tWhere are the dead,
the vanished dead, who trod the earth
that tnow we tread - If We were to m axe
random guess We should say that the
most of them are buried-though this
may not be the right answer.
Thin party, to street urchin-@s Boy,
what do you suppose that dog is fol-
lowing me for2" The youngster cast
u knowing look at him, and readily
replied: "Guess he takes you for q
bone" - ~.E.
Tar boy who recommended a few
drops of panegyric on sugar for the
child of disquietude has, his m2tch in
another, who, after successfully spell
ing ss clicaner," defined it to be .
large coop to raise chickens. -
A YOUNG man who applied at the re-
cruiting station in one of the,f far West
ern States for enlistment was asked if
he could "sleep on the point of q
bayonet," when he promptly replied
that" he could try il, as he had often
slept on a pint of whiskey."
A LADY called on 4 witty friend, who
was not at home, and finding theipiano
dusty wrote upon it g slattern.'" The
next day they met, and the lady said,
II called upon you yesterday"
j" Yes," was the reply, II saw your
card on the piano" 49, ,..,.s..---
THE indolent habits of the Orientals
are we'll illustrated by the following
Don mot, which, in the regions of. the
East, has assumed the character of an
adage: "No man should run when he
may walk, walk when he may stand.
stand when be may sit. o. sit when he
may lie down" ~ -.
"IM not used to begging said
little girl to lady whom she had asked
aims, "'csuss only two weeks ago my
father was a merchant ~ t'WhJ, child,
how could he be reduced to poverty so
soon {" my father took bad two
dollar bill ut his peanut stand, and it
ruined him, sobbed the child.
MRS. JExKs," said little red
haired girl with pug nose and bare
feet, smother says you will obleege
her by lendin' her q stick OF fire wood
fill this cruet with vinegar-puttin'
little soft soap in this pan-and please
not let your turkey gobblers .1ooet On
our fence"
A LITTLE boy who sang, "1 want to
be an angel, in Sunday school With
so mucn energy that he almost choked
himself, confessed to an enterprising
reporter that he really wanted to be q
captain on q canal boat, il it right to
encourage children in untrutbfulness,
by allowing them to sing such melo-
dies9 ss' 81 49, 5
TIE first person who ever wore a
ring with stone in it is said to have
been Prometheus, who was condemned
by Jupiter to wear upon his finger .
piece of Mount Caucasus, to which he
had been chained. This stone was ret
in ring of iron.
In 4 San Francisco court, the other
day, q little dialogue ran thus:
Counsel to witness-'' You cay you
were at his house every night2" eyes
SIR" 'sWere you his part2er Z" mo,
sir.'' ':Any relative Of his :" teNo.'
''What were you doing at his house
ov,ov,r v,:w1,< QO ct -aa a,,ovl:~w h..
wife's sister,"
A WATERFOWL gentleman, who has .
pair of wonderfully large feet was
walking on the sidewalk adjoining the
depot, the other evening, and met sew
eral young ladies. The ladies' began to
giggle, and our friend, thinking they
were laughing at his feet, when they
eame closer stepped one side and said,
!" Ladies, you can pass. They passed.
- 4 D3snrsa oAlloer, meeting Dr. J1hn- .
son ut public dinner, endeavored to
force him into conversation. "Now,
Doctor" said he, edo not look 30
glum, but be little lively and gay ike
others What would you give to Be ~
young and sprightly as amt" Why,
iii" replied johnson, II would alnost
COuS6Ot 10 O0 ~ 1OOl18QsES
THEnE is little railroad at Bayou
Sara, La, that runs to WoodyiIle on .
very uncertain schedule. A stranger
came in the other day and inquired
how often the steam-cars made trips to
the country. The party INTERCEPTED
said, s'Tri- weekly" "Whas do JON
mean by tri-weeklyi" The answer,
"t goes up one week and tries to
come down the next.
A YPoTEsv1LLx man, who says he
hasn't attended church for twenty
years, boasts that he can remember
perfectly the preachers text on the last
occasion of . visit to the sanctuary.
And this is the way he remembered it
when asked what it was Z" lis easier
for . camel to enter circus, than for
man to cat q pack of needles. -
A SMART boy in one of the public
schools at Cadiz, Pa, having been. 10
quired to write . composition on some
part of the human body, expanded as s
follows: t'The Throat-A throat il
convenient 10 have, especially for zpos-
tiers and ministers. The former eats
corn and crows with it.; the hitter
breaches through his'n and ties il mp"
TIE following We. clip from Mr..
Punch's Almanac for this year 81
am pleased to soy, Mrs. Fitxbrowne,
that I shall be able to vaccinate your
baby from very healthy child Of your
neighbor, Mrs. Jones'" Mrs Fitz-
browne oh, dear, doctorl I could
not permit that. We 60 not care to te
mixed up with the Joneses in any
way."
SOM time sgo . Well known angler
was fishing in a trout stream in Scot
land on = Monday, when he was ac-
costed by the mirister who asked him
as to his success. The angler, after
replying said to the minister:
"Dae ye no try the rod yersel'f''
'tO,t mol" said the minister. with
pious awe and eyes upturned, II am
fisher of men" - -
20, indeed !" replied ne, etbut I doot
ye're nae a great hand OF, for I lookit
into your creel Cbasket) yesterdsy and
it was unco empty" g, S7r
THE Lancaster Republican tells this
story: "a gentleman not thousand
miles from here, not having classical
education, always entrusts the reading
If his store bills to his better half,
who, whep she comes to items of female
apparel, which she doesn't wish her
husband to understand, calls them
tobacco aud other groceriea.' But
short time since he was heard telling
the storekeeper that his tobacco bills
we're getting enormous. and that he