The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1873-05-15
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.
A TRYING business-Rendering lard.

A TRYING business-Rendering lard.
get it. .. e.
IF a miss is as 9 ood as a mile, how much
Better is Mrs.?
WOMEN can now be elected school off,
GERS in Illinois.
A TRUE American is too proud to beg
and too honest to steal. He gets trusted.
WHY is it necessary to mention that the
victims of suspended animation were
'well brought up?'
A LOCAL paper in Iowa records the ac-
cidental shooting of doctor. and has
"strong fears of his recovery"
The Memphis Avalanche says this
years cotton planting in the Southern
States will be the most extensive since the
war.
A TERRE HAUTE man has fine collec-
ton of walking canes, which have been
thrown at an ill-natured dog in his front
yard.
ENGLIsHMEN look upon all other people
as foreigners, and firmly believe that they
will meet none of them in the other world
which is good for the foreigners.
Young lady (who is tired of his COM
pany): "Yo You amt a bit nervous are you,
ances start when it strikes twelve"
"I'M SO thirsty" said boy at work in
the corn field. "Well, work away" said
prophet says: Hoe, every one that thirst
eth.'"
"MURDER is very serious thing, sir,''
is next to stealing horse or a mule, sir,
and 1 shall send you to the State prison
for six years, SIR"
AT spirit meeting the other night a
gentleman requested the medium to ask
what amusements were most popular in
the spirit world. The reply was, "Read-
ing of obituary notices."
ONE can give an approximate guess at
the immensity of the coming wheat crop
in California, when it is known that the
producers are negotiating for fifteen mil
lion sacks to hold it.
AN Alabama paper says of recently
elected member of the Legislature, that he
has already shown his devotion to the
State by nine years. gratuitous service in
the State penitentiary.
JUST now that we are getting ready for
our new postal plaything, from which we
expect so much. it is instructive to come
across in the English papers so often an
item headed "The Postal Card Nuisance p
A MAN who has a red-headed sweet.
heart addressed her as "Sweet Auburn
loveliest of the plain.' Sweet Auburn
got mad about it. She objected to being
classed among the "plain,'; even though
called the loveliest Of them.
A KINGS fool who was condemned to
die, was allowed to choose the form o.
death, and chose old age. An Iowa girl
being asked what form of death she pre-.
ferred, remarked that if she must die she
preferred to be smothered-with kisses.
A WORCESTER, Mass, gentleman, who
locked his combination safe on the WORD
beam" was surprised when he gave his
clerk the word that he was unable to lock
it, until he accidentally discovered that hi:
| The Massachusetts Solons purpose tC
regulate the sale of 'hen fruit" by legisla
tiOn-that is, to have eggs sold by weigh
instead of by the dozen. 1t is a sort o.
contest between Shanghae and Bantam
between the. barn yard heavy and light
weights.
PUNCH thinks that if a young lady
wants to keep her hands free from chaps
all she has to do is to dress in the present
fashion, and let it be known that she has
no money. Chaps, especially if they bt
sensible chaps, will then let her hant
alone very severely.
WHILE the civilized world was feeling
the full shock of the wreck of the AT
lantic, and the bodies of the dead still la,
frozen on the beach, man in Toronto
sent the following unique dispatch t,
Capt. Williams 'This is the best marke
for sale of damaged goods. Let me hea
from you"
AN attempt is shortly to be made t.
cross the Pacific, from San Francisco t.
Japan, in small sloop thirty feet long
She is named the Dolphin, and will carr,
a crew of three men, in addition to he
captain. The object is to hunt sea otter
which are stated to be very plentiful o.
the Japanese coast.
GONG up and down in hotel elevator
is considered by physicians to be bent
fetal exercise in some nervous disorders
An old lady, whose physician pre-
, scribed the elevator for her withor
any special explanation, has taken tn
frantic every day with brandy and sod
water.
1T illy becomes the Pacific slope to tr
to claim all the rare and delightful fruit
of the earth, and the equally pleasant pr,
, ductions of the sea and yet we see tn,
4 without hesitancy it claims to dig up o
its beaches CLAIMS that weigh from or
r pound to pound and half. OF cours
e they are not good, anyhow, and thin
: what ungainly chowder they woul
make!
, INSUFFICIENT REAsON.-In an Englis
: church, recently, after the publication
2 !, the bans of marriage by the minister,
grave elder, in stentorian voice, forbaC
. the bans between a certain couple. c
! being called upon for an explanation, g
= had," he said, pointing to the intendC
), bride-"I had intended Hannah for m
= : self" His reason was not considered 81
e ficient.
h THERE is good opening for carpente
r desirous of high wages in the Island
! Tahiti, most of the houses of which a
!, made of wood. which, because of t
scarcity of carpenters, is hewn in and il
J. ported from California, ready to be set u
The island abounds in valuable woods
the utilization of which only workmen a
required so if anybody wishes to stri
:. for more work here is his chance.
II A cANNY Scot, who had accepted t
o. office of elder because some wag had ma
a him believe that the remuneration "
At sixpence each Sunday and boil of m,