Elizabeth daily monitor. [volume] (Elizabeth, N.J.) 1868-1880, 1873-12-10
Written for the Daily Monitor.
SCR A P s.


experience, that most thorough of teach
ers. First, you find an item, then you
arrange it for publication. Secondly,
trust to chance for the possibility of its
pleasing the dear public. If it does,
well and good and if not--ditto. The
probabilities are that it will not. The
editors most brilliant efforts usually APP
pear remarkably pointless to his read
ers, and his witty paragraphs are only
appreciated by himself 1t is a sad
fact, but still, truthful assertion. We
pity the editors, we hate the non-ap.
preciative public. Sometimes, howev.
Ell, we reverse the case. The public is
often imposed upon, the editors are
unmitigated bores. We have no refer
ence to the Elizabeth dailies, of course
not. 1T is trne, at present, that each
paper has mounted an especial hobby !;
and Pegasus scars so high that we,
miserable, earthly worms, anxiously
await the downward fight of the wing
ed steed, wi h painful apprehensions
concerning safe arrival Still, we
would not for a moment, insinuate that
an editor of an Elizabeth paper was cap
able of subjecting his readers to the
boring process. Oh, dear no 1t
would be libel upon-the people.
Let's discontinue the subject
Matt, of the Port, wants to go to
Cuba. But the recruiting officer,
heartless wretch, refuses to accept
his services, Oh the plea that he
is " too thin" Poor Matt So he
can't be a matadore. and butcher
the cowardly Spaniurds Let not
the ambitious patriot despair, how
ever, but let him devote time and
attention to personal improvement. We
humbly apologize We mean nothing
derogatory to the appearance of the
Port patriot, but merely intended to re-
mark that, viewed by military eyes, he
evidently is not up to the proper stan
dard Weapologize again, for really, we
referred not to flag standard, or-any
other pole. Matt" may console him
self by rejecting upon the fact that as
long as the famous Third is quiescent,
there can DO no misconstruction placed
upon his inactivity. We would meekly
advise the Port paragraphist to capture
another luckless biped, (of the feathery
tribe) and at the second meal devour
even the portion he so generously offer
ed to return to the rightful owner OF
chicken No. /. Pray inform us, "Matt, -
whether wishbones tend to promote the
growth of backbone, or if you prefer a
more refined expression, stamina, to he
courageous mortal who attempts to
dine off so delicate dish. 1t strikes
us that the arrangement OF that sen
tence admits of little reconstruction
but as every sensible person will readily
understood that one can't make a salts
factory meal from an empty plate, why,
there's no possible need for writing a
few words over again.
And that reminds us In these de-
generate days, when patience and per-
severance are scarce commodities, an
illustration of the former virtue deserves
commentator. We will mention a
case which lately attracted our attention.
A small boy residing on the outskirts
OF Elizabeth 1--WE mean the city, is in
dustriously making collection of wish
bones. Thinking he intended to launch
forth in the business of manufac-
turing wishbone cannon, we pro-
claimed the fact exultantly, proud to
exhibit our knowledge of that for
midable war-gun. Cannon I" he ex-
claimed, favorng us with glance of in.
etfable disdain, "cannon No indeed
Would you really like to know what I'm
going to do with EN-" he asked, as il
plying our ignorance OF course, we
replied affirmatively "Well, then"
he announced, I'm just going to col
lect EN- till l get a bushel of EN-, and
then IN Sit dorm and irish I"
Seeing that he had precisely seven,
then, We considered tho enterprising
youth fit candidate for any prospec-
tive political office, or even an editorial
chair.
The winter months seem to be the
favorite time for the increase of mutual
admiration societies. Some people say
marriages, but We admire the other
term. Besides, it is truthful. Don'r
the fond bride imagine that no man in
the world can compare with her liege
lord? And isn't the husband of the
same opinion Of-course. Next to
witnessing the endearing epithets and
tender glances bestowed upon each
other by happy couple, we pa. ticular.
ly enjoy watching preparations for
housekeeping 1t is singular how much
better informed upon the subject the
lord is, than he lady. Unfortunately,
though, he is apt to make mistakes, and
when he least expects to do so. A few