The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-06-11
SCRAPS.

time.
Bad sign-A man fiat on the
pavement in front of a liquor sa-
loon.
"Ie fell down dead and expired
in two minutes" says a Georgia
paper of the death of negro.
A disciple of Darwin, not con-
tent with the original claim, traces
the descent. of man from ''yeast
fungi"
Smith, who was offered "a plate.
of maccoroni soup, declined it, say
ing that they '.couldn't play of any
billed pipe stems on him"
"Tbis engine won't work. said
a fireman to the chief Of the lire
department. "No wonder,' was
the reply; "it vas made to play"
The heaviest brain on record
was recently found in the skull of
a London bricklayer who could
neither read nor write. 1t weighed
sixty-seyen ounces.
A Kentucky man purchased a
coffin sixteen years ago so as to
have it handy, and the other day
he was burned up in limekiln,
and the coffin was dead loss.
A New Jersey tobacconist. with
commendable frankness, advertises:
81 shall continue to keep on hand
imported cigars of my own manu-
facture." :.
Some one says that the lion and
the lamb may lie down together in
this world, but when the lion gets
up it will be hard work to find the
lamb.
Some nlisc1ievous wags one
night pulled down turner's sign
and put it over a lawyers door; in
the morning it read: "All sorts of
turning and twisting done here"
"Mother, send me for the doc
tori" "Why so, my son?" "cause
that man in the parlor is going to
die-he said he would, if sister
Jane would not marry him-and
Jane said she wouldn't"
A Minnesota farmer lost gimlet
three years ago. The other day he
cut down tree, and found in it
three-quarter inch auger. So much
for putting thing out at interest.
A contributor to one Of the mag
azines estimates that, elf our es-
teemed ancestor, the late Colonel
Adam, had lived till now, and had
never trimmed his finger nails, they
would have been a thousand yards
long
"Calf's Head" remarked the
waiter, quite innocent of any
equivocal intent, but when asked
what the calf laid he very unrea-
so2ably took umbrage and declined
further conversation.
Tobacconists and drink-mixers
lose $4,000 by swear-offs on New
Years day, but make double that
sum the third week in January,
when the lambs come back to the
flock thirstier and hungrier than
ever.
Somebody has written a work
entitled "Useful Hints for Uglyl
Girls" and the New York CONNER
cio} AdreTtiser declares that the book
has the smallest circulation of any
literary production in the United
States. ~
A newly elected squire in Lake
City, Florida, having occasion to
perform the ceremony for the first
time, got the affair considerably
mixed, and wound up by saying
"Suf,r little children to come unto
ihem."
4 peaceful disposition is not
absolute protection against the tur-
moils of life. What's more peace
full than lamb? And yet, ten to
one, it ends its life in a broil. And
then, how peaceful an oyster is.
And yet how frequently 1t gets
mixed up in stew.
Nimrod-"Have you seen deer
pass this way, boy? You know
what deer is like?" Youth
''Noa, I don't!" Nimrod-"Why,
something like a donkey, with
short ears. Have you seen any
thing answering to that descrip-
tion!' ''Noa, not till yeaw come
by!"
An illiterate negro preacher said
to his congregation, "My bredren, $
when de tust man, Adam, was :
made, he was made out OBJ wet i,
clay, and set up agin de palms to :
dry r
ssDo you say" said one of the I
gregation, "dat Adam was made
outen wet clay, and set up agin de
palms to dry?' q
eyes, sar, I do" G
"Den who made de palins?" b
"Sit down, sar,' said the preach #
r. Esuch questions as dat would \