The Portland daily press., 1873-05-08
IHE PRESS
nOkNING, MAY 8, 1873.

UVcSAV aAu UAcdul0RS.
The Indian question-''White man, got anv
rum"
Emigrant wagons are called prairie
schooners' out West
Fort Wayne, Ind, is mad because Booth
played Hamlet there without any orches-
ira.
A New Hampshire man has the leather
strap which has thrashed the family through
three generations. ..
There is no baseball club in Danbury, and
30 a Pine street gentleman was obliged to fall
from stoop to break his thumb.
Poetry should be an Alternative; modern
play-Mrights have converted it into q sedative,
which they administer in such unreasonable
quantities that, like an overdose of opium, it
makes one sick.-J. G. Hare.
The editor Of a popular magazine In New
York declares that 100000 women are con-
stantly sending poetry to him, the common
est subject treated being 'Our Dead Baby"
The pilot who is always dreading a rock or
TEMPEST must uot complain if he remain a
poor fisherman. We must at times trust
something to fortune, fo- fortune has often
some share in what happens.-Metastasio.
Even little children seem to be victims Of
intemperance in the oil regions. Somebody
In Titusvile. Pa, advertises for adoption "a
healthy boy, i've months old, accustomed to
the bottle.''
1t is a curious fact that the farmer of Illi-
uos or Missouri must sell two bushels of ripe
corn to get money enough to buy can Of
sweet corn put up green and holding less
than one quart.
Col. Forney offered town in Texas a free
library, but, after consultation, the citizens
decided that they would rather have twelve
bags of buckshot and twelve shst guns, if he
didn't mind.
Holman Hunt, the English painter, has for
four years been exclusively engaged upon
picture which he calls "The shadow Of
Death, }" and which will not be publicly ey-
hibited until next November.
A Milwaukee German has been notified to
return to the old country and serve six years
in the army. He puts his thumb on his nose
and asks the Kaiser if he doesn't want to buy
sdog.
Mamma don't forget to ask papa about
going to Brighton for fortnightP' "Hush,
dear! I'm afraid it won't do! You know
now dreadfully the seaside upsets papa for the
nrst week always!' Eyes but papa needn't
come down till the second week, you knowW
Punch
Pomeroy, who last winter lost his charac-
ter, his seat in the United States Senate, and
an immense sum squandered in frultless
bribery, has now lost $4,000 lawsuit. If
he has any thing left, he had better tie it up
in arag and sit down on it.
Some men seem to think they strengthen
the barrier against unbelef by increasing the
number of things they believe. They turn
Romanists out Of fear Of infdelity, as if
man should think that by filling the bottom
Of his boat with stones, he keeps the sea far
ther from him.
The lamp-llghter of Altoona was summon
ed to court, the other night, which left the
city in darkness. Tho natives tapped the
lamp posts, and had buckets set to catch the
Illuminating fluid, but the effort was failure.
1t smelled as if they had struck oil, but there
was no yield.
A New York toy dealer states that when
panics are distracting Wall street his trade is
most active. Few expensive playthings are
sold, but business men as they pass up Broad
way to their homes, detected and in the shad-
ow ofruin, stop At store and buy cheap toys
ofsome kind that will bring cheering smiles to
their children's faces.
A Kansas district school was recently vis-
tied and addressed by Messrs. Big Mouth,
Powder Face and Spotted Wolf-all the no
UiCot Aiuu VI 4Opic leu LuCus "a iuioShiCNOuS
school boy placed pin trap where Big
Mouth sat down, and that chieftain was OBJ
served to rise hastily aud remark: ''Ugh!
too much flea bite Me no stay to hear class
in analytical geology"
The musical critic of the Cincinnati En-
quires says that 'Miss Kellogg is, in every
| tissue q, American girl. She is this in her
delicate bsauty; her 1.-the yet perfect form;
her tiny, sn,w-white hand and Arab foot"
Her Arab foo.has often been remarked, but
1t never seemed to Us so thoroughly Ameri-
can as her Ionic nose, her Sandman chin, or
her bewitching Fre1rh mannerisms.
A Nashville compositor lad occasion, the
other night, to wrestle with Communication
on the subject Of merging the Nahville Uni
versity. The writing was not the pninest in
the world, and when he came to the words
sthis great Methodist concern" he exerosed
his own judgment as to the meaning Of tie
writer, and set it up "this great Methodist
can-can."
A st. Louis paper sees good in everything,
and thus halls with joy proposed reform in
Paris society: ''The abolition Of gloves is
proposed in fashionable Paris society. We
are glad to hear it; the white kids uniformly
worn by our reporters, pressmen and compos-
itors when at work, in order to keep up the
aristocratic reputation Of the Journal, have
heretofore formed serious item of expense"
| The Japanese display great wisdom in rec
ognizing the importance of educating the
mothers" In this respect Japan has ever
been in advance Of other Oriental nations
Her females have been educated. The policy
Of the government now is to afford them al
the advantages which the other sex enjoy
and by foreign travel and the establishment
Of female schools to qualify them for the fu-
ture, which the leaders of this extraordinary
people so evidently think awaits their nstion'
| c...oof &bA Western press credit Anna