The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-09-19
Donkey Diversions.
An American Lady's Performance ON the
Road to an English Flower show.

Road to an English Flower show.
I'M. H. B. in St. Louis Republican,
Fired with an noble ambition to ride
a donkey 1--WE never had rid Donkey,
a donkey was sent for. Arriving, we
found the dear thing was very rough,
as though he had never been groomed,
with wonderful pair of ears and
hairless rope of a tail, gray as if with
age, a downward droop of head and
deprecating cast of countenanc-such
was my donkey in repose. He wasn't
so far off, but the mounting was the
easiest part of our acquaintance. The
rest of my adherents went off to the
show in landau, while, with dignity
passing description, I brought up the
rear on my long-eared pony. 1 forgot
to mention a small, red-headed, cross
eyed boy who accompanied the expedi
ton, armed with a young bean-pole. As
we crossed little green the proverbial
perverseness of the animal came out
and he browsed around regardless of
the way in which I twisted his ears in
front and kicked at him behind q am
speaking of the donkey. Up pushed
little Sorrel-top with the pole, and
screaming eli hi !'' he poked and
every dig of the pole that donkey shut
up like al accordion. A spinal contrae-
ton known only to the caterpillar and
the accordion took place that made it
matter of inquiry whether l went over
his head or tail.
Then my forbearance gave out and I
intimated to the youth we should take
it out of him. The boy unhitched a lit
tie rawhide tied at the saddle, and gave
Mr.. Donkey a smart cut behind. What
ever trying position fate may have in
reserve for you, my dear readers, pray
it may not be upo" donkey's back
when that donkey conceives himself
wounded in his finest feelings. In the
first place my donkey hiSted till looked
through his front legs and had beauti-
full reversed view of the village below.
Then with a conclusion heaven and
earth came together and he walked a
rod on his hind legs. A number of lit
tie villas fronted the green, and a num-
Der of little villains lined the road
The houses all had bay windows and
the bay windows all had occupants
NY performance was the center of at
traction, and the center of gravitation
had very little attraction for me. re-
called that other distinguished Ameri-
can who had achieved fame by riding a
donkey. and determined Grant should
not go down alone to posterity as the
only Yankee who had captured jack
ass. And all the while was deterimin-
ing, the donkey was kicking. It's be-
yond belief how high the critter can
kick. He seemed to be trying to throw
the whole back end of himself away,
and when he came to the earth for a
fresh start the big hoofs shook all Rich
mond.
This thing went on for some time,
and barring few steps taken on his
hind legs, lie made no progress toward
the flower show or any other point OF
the compass. In one mad movement,
however, the instrument of that don
keys destiny lay in my hand. Describ-
ing a graceful circle that animals tail
came athwart my bows. [ wasn't slow
to grapple it. If any donkey ever
thought his tail was concluded, that it
had been continued, like one OF CObb's
stories, till the last chapter had arrived,
it was my gray friend with the ears.
Why it didn't come out is a problem to
me this day. For feeling that not only
the eyes of Richmond but the credit OF
America rested on me, took reef in
that tail and pulled. Then [ took a
shorter hold on that tail and pulled
again. Gradually, calmness entered the
beasts legs, and laying its ears back as
if the tail was in direct communication
with them and they would ultimately
be pulled through to the rear, the miser-
| able animal was induced to take up the
line of march, and we all got to the
flower show. But I did not ride back
on donkey.