New Orleans Republican., 1873-05-04
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS.
C0unsels Of a Dying stntesman tc His
Hopeful Son.

and go into that condition where, to the un
imaginative mind, all is unsurveyed and un
cert.in. ! am about to make an indefinite
postpOnement and adjourn sane d!e, and
have sent for you, my son, that may leave
to you, Tor your guidance when my term o.
election is over forever and my return tt
my seat impossible, the sum Of political and
moral wisdom which has put upon my head
the silver OF years and into my purse The
geld of the government.
My SOC, - it is the best government tina,
God ever made.' Strive to be loyal 10 it
it pays, my son, it pays
You may be called upon, as have been
to take part in conducting this great gov
ernment. You will find that the govern
| laent is L" the primaries and the prlIna
ries" are mostly beer and whisky.
Before the primary meeting has assem-
bled you will do well to treat as many OF
the crowd as you can, by any pla ausiule ex'
cuse, invite to take something" and you
will all endeavor to become about as near
half drunk as you can. This is the begin
ming of true patriotism. You Will be told
that important State matters require clear
heads and clean hands. 1t is not so my
son. True patriotism begins in iuddle,
and ends in muddle to all, save those who
take money advantage oft.
After the primary OF which nave Just
have been successful you, will proceed with
your friends TO get drunk, and hurrah and
talk an endless amount of patriotic love i'll
tlorid and rhetorical style.
If your party is defeated, you will get
drunk with the other side to show that you
are a clever fellow and not given to ''scour-
ing" over defeat; and you will be careful to
declare that you hope the best man wins,
and that it is all in the party. and that no
power in the world can prevent you from
supporting the whole ticket, let who will
be ON it. Say this as often as you can-at
least every time you take a ''drink, and il
you can drink as often or Oitener than any
voter at the "pIimaries,' and still walk
home unsupported, vowiDg to the stars your
fealty to The ticket, your fortune, with a
little tact and prudence, is made. You have
budded for a true patriot
You will make iudicious haste to see each
man who is elected by the primaries to
the nominating convention. You will IN
yite, il possible, each delegate t. your pri-
vate room, and be patriotic with eachs
That is, you will order the drinks and
continue to talk and order the drinks" uns
til you have felt your man thoroughly aud
put him to bed-drunk. Then you will
have your head champooned, take some
sustenance, and away to fresh conuuests.
Very much may be done in this way when
all seems lost. l won my first nomination
in this way, when the 'primaries' were
dead against me.
just as the convention is about to assem-
BILE, you will proceed, as the PRIMARIES. "
to treat every body not forgetting the
outsiders. For. ii you fire their hearts
III your favor, their shouts at the announce
ment of your name in the convention has a
good effect. / have known much good to
be done by this patriotic shout of the pee
pie. 1t means that you are clever fellow,
and thai the people, whose instincts are
always are right, fond OF you.
Alter this convention has adjourned, il
your eide has won, you will Immediately in
vite all parties to drink, and, AMID the
chinking Of glasses and the rolling OF to-
bacco smoke, you will all, 10 confused,
dilinsive and gushing crowd, talk over the
great and good Gay s work. Ii you your
self are the principal candidate, You will
shake hands with every body and take a
tIripko with him. lie likes il. And he
likes yoU for doing it. You will not be par
ticular where you go or where you drink.
You must. with gusto, pour down your
throat anything that may be set out TO you.
To Ego back" on your ticker is not patri-
otto. IN that fatal way NY opponent LOST
his nomination in 1861
Now, nv son, Say sha5 tha convention
las nominated vou--or, what is more fus-
.oinarv. say the convention has conferred
upon Won, through the power o. their free
franchise. this uusought and nevert0 be
bought high and sacred positi9n-you will
at once proceed to tide yorr county, dis
trct or state and drink" with every man
who has a vote Or can control one. You
viii drink with the Old 'Grinkers' out OF
respectto them: yOt. viii drink with men
who never d.ank before. because they re
ii
And, before ] iOrgcg it. my son, as ] am
growing weak let me remind you to col
Iect a few choice stories-witty, broad,
maupy stories, not above The must british
comprehensiOu. These are very useful be
tween "driBks' TO rest OF, and they cause
coarse people to remen Der yUu with pleas
are.
Yoc will be told that III all this you are
lowering the moral standard o. the country;
but that is impracticaole advice. The
.'mcral standard" is for women and preach
ers: YOUR business is with the party stand
ard" II is not for you to assume an eleva
ton and heseech the people to come up
when the patriotic people are winling sto
YOU to come down and treat TO the cigars
and whisky. The Scripture says, 'be
that humbleth himself shall be exalted
Humble yourself before the people! Serve
them Become the political bar tender, and
serve them Serve them with beer and
whisky, Let them know that you are no,
proud nothing mean about You
In this way, my son, is your sailing and
election sure. 1t may be a, little hard on
YOUR stomach but such is the fate Of pa
triots You must take mankind as you find
them, and you will always find more pa
tyiots with stomach. than with brains
Strive 20 be IN yourself the greatest good
and then follow the maxim, The greatest
good to the greatest NUMBER
II elected, as | doubt not You will be
YOU W II. as soon as the returns are all III
and sufficiently counted to assure youl
success, go with the whole crowd, with q
hurrah. to the nearest grogshop and treat
and get drunk as RAPIDLY and as tOoli-hly
as Won can. You will mount the counter Ui
the shop, tramp trlumphantly among the
tuDblprs-damD the expense, maze 1t al
right in the morning and harangiIe tho
constantly thirsty and ever-increasing
crowd upon the glor;e@ Of cur beloved
country, from the treason CE Benedict Ar
mold down to the.Pacitie railroad You q;iij
refer to the fact that We can whip all na
tions. particularly Great Britain. You will
at last, as you begin to sober mp q little
lower your voice to a loving aud sepulchral
vhisrer and pay d tributs to cur national
banner and the patriot fathers OF the EepuU
iic-in which latter catalogue may | no;
ask YOU, my son. that you viii remembes
me by saying, with tears in gour eyes,
among whom is numbered, am proud "a
say. gentle men. MY revered father.
One OF two campaigns Ike this Will iinisil
your apprenticeship 10 patriotisns bat now
as you will begin to he noticed a. promIs
ing man, a greater degree 0& prudence is
advisable
All through your apprenticeship vou VII
have observed to tell 10 lie. The time to
lie comes later in life. The people will no;
swallow lie from young man, knowing
1t TO be such. iou may be fool or d
drunkard, you may be gambler and a
hugse-racer, and also keep fighting deg:
but You must not lie until you are old
enoug "a and nave earned sufficient fame q