The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-12
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES


On one of the gentlemen in Congress saying,
1--WE must return To the food Of our ancestors,
somebody asked, "What food does he mean"
"Thistles, | suppose said Iierncy
The above is an astute obscrvation--iask
tutc at that,
Gen. Batter has offered to each tax payer ap.
plying for II the three cents plundcrcd from such
lax payer by his voting himself an increase Of
sala.y,
Ben can afford it, as the $1,000 IN this steal is
but trife compared to the sum total Of other
steals with which common report charges him,
I'll, nostmi,tre.s at Villa Ridge has resigned
for man.--EE.
How long before the man will want t"
49, ' ,o,,' 'D7 -.qaa IN
An Oregon youth is accu
straw woman and giyin' sf If 6TGys sing rp a
the town. after his b ,sAsicf,rf ide through
rcbucd by the .ssfIh btgjfhr, hes had been
acquaintance epFtfti6 .irtiiph'anlOn~ lis female
cav ,r1itfN die cdnpeny of that straw image
rim bs much rational enjoyment Is some Of
cI1 poor, scrawnS paper hustle, painted scare,
l.r6ws of the city could have given. Amt it?
They have girl in Wisconsin who should
Nenccfbrth be known as the "Wceping Diantha.'
She swore in Il brcech of promise case, that she
had shed tears enough for the false hearted de-
PENDANT, once her lover, to have turned small
sized grist mill"
An eastern village editor is said by one of his
rival contemporaries to have become so accus-
toned to having his nose pulled that his memory
doesn't extend beyond last tweak.
The daily Gruphic gravely inquiries: " If adcrl
gets red when he's mad all over, does he yet
rcddcr when he's all over madden
Does the Graphic get mad when it's all ovcrI
reader, or does the reader get madden the more
he reads the Grdphic say?
writer divides men with regard to their
laughter, into three classes, the he, he, he the |
no, no. no, and the ha, ha, ha mcn-thc shallow,
the gross and the rctincd.-Er.
The writer has left out the class who only
smile and be Il william"
Mrs Shinn, living in an Illinois town, recent
~ sued the authorities for a broken limb, and re
covered two thousand dollars, all In slin-plaSterS.
The most soothing shin-p plaster on record,
A rural parodist has just seen Beautiful
Snow and il has affected him thusly
"Oh! the snore, the beautiful snorc,
Filling her chamber from ceiling to floor
over the coyerlct, under the sheet,
From her dmpled chin 70 her pretty feet,
Moaning,
Groaning,
Filling the air,
Beautiful snOrc, it raises your hair
Now floating alOft like bee in June
Now sunk 10 the wall Of a cracked bassOon, {
Now flute like, subsiding, then rising again l
Is the beautiful snOrc Of Elizabeth Jane
4 Canburian, who was in New Yorl; on Satur- G
day, came up with the wild statement that he {
had seen hotel clerk with side whskers, hat /
is more of a lie than one man should undertake n
10 tell Hair growing on the cheek of hotel /
clerk. Scat.-Er
We know Of young lady who is acquainted f
with a hotel clerk. She says her experience is v
quite different and otherwise The checks Of d
this one at least are rs soft as the finest silk and
covered with a down as yeyety as the wool on s.
the Cashmere lamb. He can be found at any
hotel in this city, and as We have ten hotels you f
can see how numerous he is. i
A lady iavors us with the following parody i
found in an old scrap-book. She says it exactly
hits some one. TO whom does it apply? c
When a lovely woman reaches forty,
And finds, too late, "A streak of gray &
What charms can soothe her melancholy, ic
And drive the slyery lines away? I
The only charm her locks to color,
To hide her age from every eye, n
To steal away her daughters lover, >,
And craze her husband, is--to dye.
An old bachelor says; "Whcn remember all
the girls I've met together, feel like rooster \
in the fall, exposed to every weather! feel like e
one who treads aloAe some barn.yard all desert NJ
ed, whose oats are fled, whose hens are dead,
or all TO market started.'--Er. :
II he would feel worse still, let him get married d.
The local Of the Janesville wisconsin Gazette "
announced the advent Of spring some weeks ago 81
amid the growing Of prairie hens" the cooling cf
d Wild pigeons and the song Of bluc-br Since cl
he decided that spring had come and the grass
was actually growing, he has shovelcd his way
through three SHOWS and been nearly frozen to IT,
death seven times Audacity finds its own re- ~
ward.-haHkakee Gdzcfie h
If "audacity finds its own reward" the Gazette 81
man would be a Credit Mobilicr Congressman, ",
nicely whtewashcd and living in his villa on the cl
bay Of Naples, or boss of concert saloon down
at Galveston, Texas, or any where and ANYTHING IA
but running spicy newspaper at Kankakee.
IA. Ettengcr pays subscription to the Oregon ,t
curt twelve years in advancc,-EL. W.
What blind faith What yearnmg contdencclly &c
IL makes us weep to see how earnestly that man nv
courts ruin.-hh Gdzette
Clearly another case of emotional insanity. q
An English cotton-dyer and printer claims to u
have made the discovery that apple juice has the l
valuable property Of perfectly fixing the colors
Of printed cotton fabrics.-Er. il
Yes, and when made into brandy, has the same t
effect ON ones nose
henpccked husband writes: Before mar. !,
rlagc fancied welded life would be all sunshine /
but afterwards found out ii was all moonshinc" :
-Er
He lives in an astronomical state. She rcigns J
Oains) over him. She attracts and repels him,
and he often sees stars when he is disobcdent q
She eclipses him, and he shines with only Dor Il
rowcd light
lady entered drug store and asked for |
bottle Of James Experience" The clerk in. f
formed her that Jane hadn't bottled her cx. {
rerience yet but they could furnish James Ex- 7
pectOrant"
Why SO much fuss about James expcrlenccg
Her experiences are generally but little ones.
Don't marry printer He will be constantly a
- making impressions" away from humc-Er