The Portland daily press., 1873-09-26
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS
From the Toledo Blade.
THREE LETTERS,
Portraying the Rise, Progress and Fall
Of the Celebrated Canteen
Assurance Society.
BY THE PRESIDENT THEREOF.
The Fall of the Canteen AssOcia-
No. 8.
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS
BY THE PRESIDENT THEREOF.
GOPHER, ILL,
40 miles from Bourbonville).
Ca..ta..,Ia., 90 to-o

September 26, 1873.
The Canteen Association is no morel II died
after short but brilliant life, all day yester-
day, aged one month eggsactly. 1t had some
thing over 200 mourners, not one of whom
would be a pleasant object for me to meet at
the present writing.
The troubles with the Canteen wos numer-
GUS. Precisely at A, NJ, yesterday, The Can
teen period arrived, and promptly, to the min
ute, the members wos on hand, to get their
divvys. 1 was alarmed at the amount of
arithmetic saw displayed there. There wos
enough arithmetic In that excited crowd to
have made fifty consulting actooares They
had it down to pint. They had paid in $1.0O
each, which would entitle EN- eggsactly to a
gallon, eff Their he'd ben no profits, they sed.
But Their he'd ben profits. The likker he'd ben
watered, NV course as it he'd crowd stronger,
and they calkilated that each one shood be en-
titled to at least gallon and pint And they
wanted it! They wos impatient NV delay, for
the canteen period they he'd looked forword to
anxiously he'd arrived.
1 sejested to EN- that it wood do better to let
it lay and accumulate, but they didn't listen
to it.
sNot any of thatp' shouted the eggscited
multitood, ''1one NV that; we want our shares
now"
Then it become my dooty to explain to EN-
the condition NV the company.
/ sot out by Stain in general terms, that
there want drop in the barl The toomult
was friteful. "Where is our likkur?" What
hez become Nv our money!" 'Show up 700
thieves wos a few Nv the EXPLANATIONS that
emanated from this eggscited crowd
I kept calm. A man who hez money kin
keep calm easier than he who heznt. re-
markt that it wos troo each one he'd paid in
$1.O0 money, and that the Secretary
wood show in detail in his report where the
money he'd gone to, and that that report would
be published probably in about year, or ez
soon ez the consultip Actooary Good bring his
arithmetic to bear and verify the figgers. But
Iwood say that, in rough fegers, tnot bein
consultin actooary) this wos the coLdishun NV
the company.
Paid in by members $4,000
To offset witch there wos
Salary Nv President $4,000
&c 90 Secretary 400
GO GO Treasurer 1900
Commission on $500 1000
Expenses to Cincinnati 1000
Commission on purchases 1000 $4,000
Balance on hand $4,000
WITCH balance wos in likkur, goin Oh and
improvin in strength and flavor and richness
every day. "That likker, my friends" per-
ceeded. "opens up to us fucher such ez-'
"Divide that likker amongst u.s. yelled the
crowd, unmoved by my oratory.
''My friends that is impossible. reserve
fund is essenshal in any Canteen Association.
There must be something set aside for extraor-
binary emergencies and we hev determined that
33 per cent. is not too much. We hev accord
ingly put that aside ez a reserve"
'iWhere is it? Show it to us! We want to
see it," yelled they agin. The stoopidity NV
our Treasurer at this pint rooined us. He lost
his nerve and showd EN- where the reserve keg
wos located. That wos fatal. That keg wos
Lot spiked down-it Good be rolled Rollin'
gave it a voice. Men show their emptiness by
their sound, and so do kegs. They rolled it-a
holler exc, as If in mockery, wos their anser
1t wos empty!
do not care to dwell on the seems that fol-
lowed. That crowd went for us uncomfortable.
In vain told EN- that our Canteen wos mod
eled after a good deal bigger instooshen-in
vain told them that our Consultin' Actooary
wood convince EN- evrything wos rite as it
shood be-in vain | askt EN- wat was to become
Nv things eff they didn't possess more faith in
the integrity Nv their officers; but it wos NV no
yoose.
"The likker! the likkerr' they yelled, and
went for me with a vehemence that may be
judged from the patches on nv face, and the
wrecked condition NV my left arm. 1t wos mi
raculous that escaped with my life.
hev still faith in the Canteen idea, and shell
try i: agin somewhere else The trouble with
us this time, wos in maxim the Canteen period
too short. We shood hev made it a year at
least, so that no enquiry Good hev been made
unlil we wos prepared to hev enquiries made.
The Tontines from whom / got my noshen),
put off qheir period ten years, which is a sensi-
bic and safe time. Then l shell mix it some
other way with some other system, so that in
times NV difficulty one kin play into the others
ha nds.
But in my next vencher shall not be Presi-
dent. My ambishen is to be Copsultin Actoo-
airy, position that will eggsackly SCOT nv tall
ents and character. l hev not desided where TO
locate, but shell not be out long.