Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1873-05-03
SAUSAGE STORY.


Fnarkable in those days for the Con-
ference to send the same minister
two successive years to the same
church, especially in a country town;
but it was done in this instance, and
81 seemed to be entirely satisfactory
to all concerned The clergyman
enjoyed the confidence and love Of
his own church and parish, and he
had, by his piety and fidelity TO the
cause of Christ, won the respect and
confidence of all good people who
knew him, ont side OF his own par
ish. So the other two churches,
Congregationalist and Baptist had
begun to manifest a spirit of toler-
ance toward him and his church,
quite unusual for them.
About thanksgiving time, n regu-
Isr attendent Of the Baptist church
died; the Baptist minister was sick,
and the Congregationalist minister
was out of town. Under the cir
eumstauces, it was decided to in
vite the Methodist minister TO con-
duct the funeral services. The in
vitation was accepted, aud at the
proper time the good clergyman
started for the house OF mourning.
He had some four miles to travel on
foot, and, to save distance, left the
road and went across fields and
through woods. Near this by-way
where he was travelling there lived
an old lady-a member Of his church.
As he was so near, he thought he
would call a moment. The old lady
did not go to church very often, il
..-,.- 60 Fa- from, hor homo aud aha
was lame too, she was, therefore, of
course, overjoyed to see her minis
ter, and what he had intended should
be a momeRtary call was prolonged
into quite visit, in spite of all his
efforts to get away.
The old lady was making sausages
when he called. At last he told her
he must 90, but she said he must
wait a minute while she put up a
mess for him TO carry home with
him. lie tried TO explain TO her the
impropriety of her plan under the
circumstances but she was inexor-
able; take the sausages he must. and
| she could fix them so they would be
no inconvenience TO him, and the
matter need not come to the knowl-
edge of any one else.
| The sausages were neatly done up
in white cloth and snugly pinned
| and put in the pockets of his swal-
low tailed coat behind, a parcel In
each pocket.
Then he hurried away. Innocent,
kind-hearted old ladyl she did not
imagine what grief, shame, NORTH.
| cation and sorrow of heart this lit
tie act would cause her pastor, and
he. in his hurry to make up lost
time, little dreamed what awaited
him in consequence of the old lady's
gift.
When he arrived at the house OF
the deceased he found a large COM
pany waiting. The neighbOrs from
! far and near had assembled to pay
their tribute OF respect, and per-
form the last sad offices that the liv-
/ ing can perform for the dead; some
had come with carriages, and their
horses were hitched TO surrounding
trees, fences and posts. They had
allowed their dogs 10 follow them.
There was large gathering of men
and BOYS about the door yard, wait
ing for the minister, who was late;
the women had mostly gone inside,
and the dogs were exchanging civil
tiles, or incivilities, in true dog
style, as they happened to take a
liking, or a dislikiDg, TO the other
| trotting about with their tails rolled
up in rigid coils, scratching the
ground aside at time, causing the
dust TO fly, and casting approved
glances, or utteriug low groans Of
warning, according as they felt to
each other.
When the minister arrived he was
recognized, shook hands with such
as lie was acquainted with, and was
introduced to others. He had hur-
ried to get there in time, had got
heated up. and warmed up the sau-
sages in his pockets. They were
very savory, aud were emitting a
fragrance that soon came in contact
with the olfactory nerves of the
hungry dogs. The latter left of
their attentions 10 each other and
began 10 snuff for the pleasant odor,
which they highly appreciated; and
they soon traced it to the minister.
They clustered about him in a very
friendly manner, but no notice was
taken of them, and when he went
into the house they Weat too.
A prayer was offered at the resi-
dence, during which tho dogs
smelled out the whereabouts OF the
savory meat exactly, and in the do
ing of this they greatly annoyed
the minister and caused his cheek
| to burn and his heart to ache. After
the prayer the corpse was carried TO
the church, which was near by, and
= ~ - n rsNa foil
ed, where the services were to be
more protracted. The dogs went
too, and soon after the minister
took his place In the pulpit they be-
gan to skirmish around his coat
pockets. II it had been anywhere
except in a church, or on any occa-
sion but a funeral, the dogs would
have been cudgeled and sent howl
ing away; but as IL was, no one
wished 10 disturb the quiet sancti-
ty of the place by the yelping of
dogs. They seemed TO comprehend
the situation, and made the most of
il. They went up into the pulpit
a single one at a time-tWO and
three at a time. Sometimes two
| companies would meet coming down
from opposite sides of the pulpit,
but all centering behind the minis
ter whose only means of defence
was in kicking out behind at them,
by guess, but the dogs were wary,
good at lodging, and none got it.
Thus the service went on. The
mental anguish of the good minis
ter cannot be described; but there
was no alternatiVe-he must pro-
/ ceed as best he could. At last, to
| his great relief, he was about to
close his part Of the services by pro-
nouncing the benediction-had al
ready closed his eyes and raised his
hands for this purpose-when a
worthy deacon of the Baptist church
wished TO have the minister read q
notice. The deacon was a man of
rather diminutiYe size, and walked
as lightly as a cat. He had ap-
preached the pulpit with the notice
in his hand, unperceiYed by the
minister, and was on the stairs
within reach when the minister
raised his hands. The deacon, to
attract his attention, twigged his
coat tail. OF course, the minister
thought 1t was a dog, and that it
was necessary for him to kick once
more, which he did. The deacon,
not on the lookout, like the dogs,
received the minister's foot in his
side and tumbled headlong down
| the stairs.
There was a scream, a rush of the
deacon's family, a general up rising
of the whole congregation, and ex-
it dogs. In the midst of this confu-
sion the minister waved his hand TO
restore order. After the people
were seated and quiet again reigned.
he told the people the story of the
sausages in all its particulars, which
seemed a satisfactory explanation,
and the people proceeded; but the
minister was never known to carry
sausages in his coat pocket again.