The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1873-08-28

YOU, TO extract out of an Englishman.
nr Johnson said joke could only be In
serted IN q Scotchman's head By surgical
aneration. My experience and belief is that
nitro-ulyccrine is the only substance that
will convey one TO an Englishman. Is.
was invited, in virtue Of my Confede.
rate service, to grand review of the royal
artillery at Woowich, Mt which seventy.tive
guns passed i'll review before the CZarowitz.
the next Czar OF Russia. and the Princetof
Wales, the future King Of England. They
maneuyred, and the Stuart Horse Artillery
or the Baltimore Light artillery would
have knocked them into dozen cooked
hats before they got into position unless
they had done better than they GA before
the Czarowitz or the Prince of Wales.
However, they got through, and after their
Royal Highnesses, the aforementioned, anu
Prince Arthur, aud the luke of Cambridge,
| the commandment -chiet, had lnnched we
went in. The dining.room OF Tie Roya'
Artillery is the handsomest in England be-
longing to the service. II Is decorated WIN
po,trajts OF different kings presented by
Them. statues of the first merit; one particu-
brIy. of" Armed Science; and their tables
croaucd under gold and silver plae--supGrb
pieces. magnificent vases, and exquisite statu-
cites. The plate alone must have represented
three hundred thousand dollars i'll gold.
The servants were attired in white cuiaway
coats, crimson plush waistcoats and breechea,
and white stockings and powdered lair, and
YOU ielt exceedingly grand.
Besides this, the tables and WINDOWS well
flied with beautiful exotic plants III t,t'l
bloom, and the whole nude scene OF OH
| entail luxury.
Tie meme showed you every delicacy that
London caterer could furnish, and, besides,
fruits of the most delicate cuture-pineap-
piles that probably cost five dollars piece,
peaches dollar each. grapes, apricots, necta-
iiucs, and all that. We had our lunch and
i'm returning thanks to our host. Major
Blank, of the Royal Engineers, said: " II
vour commi>sary furnishes you always with
such rations you must never he able TO en-
Joy iiard-tDcs and bacon" TO this mild joke
he replied: Il fancy the commiSsary
does not furnish the mess: we have our
own caiercr.' What ltemliSt? They
pay their cook five thousand dollars
in gold per anDunl, which, you observe, Is
more than YOU pay Governor Walkertp cook
YOUR accounts for you. But to tue arts
iocracy. On my arrival ut Liverpool was
conveyed to the Northwestern Station Hotel.
In the l.all stood Il uignitied- blocking party,
with blue coat, large buttons, red breecheS,
and white stockings. OF course [ took him
for the Earl of Liverpool, and | walked up
to him more Tir9NienSiS. and took off my
hat. and asked him could stay in his house
for while. and get something to eat. He
told me he was the lmll-portcr.
In HYDE Park | was constantly similarly
mistaken, to the great horror OF my Anglo
American comrade. y grand.looktpe coach
clme al Jny---l gentleman driving, with white
coal. red shouldcr-kuot>, red brcecheS,
aud tall hat, with three gold cords around
the body vi tie hat, and then two cords
from the side just above his ears, over the
brim, up over The crown. lie had Il lovely
white wig with rows OF little curs all mound
his head, and behind him in the carriage
were his family. Straight and stiff. standing
on the foot-board behind, We're two other
gentlemen similarly altired. Says |, Look,
here comes the Archbishop of Canterbury
and BIZ family" "Whcre?" says my English
friend. "Thcrc." says I, painting them out,
! :. there's the Archbishop driving, the Arch
| hishopess in the coach, and the young Arch
bishops riding behind. It's beautiful: sucha
family party" "Psbaw,' said he.
that's the coachman and iootmep."
So | shut up. Pretty soon came
along a yely rand-Iookng conrrrn--totIr
bood-bays, a very Notwithstanding mau
drivin-. in dark green and gold. the carriage
crowded with Young women. aud he had OH
Thite breeChes and top boots. says |, " Mr..
Gladstone is a more robust man than l took
| him to Ee But he's very handsome for all
his bard work in the House Of Nights"
| "Whv," sad he, how do you know him:
| ~ should Know him anywhere says L,
from the dignity which becomes the Prime
Minister" "Wbere is hc:" says he.
There" says |, pointing with my llubrcl-
| Ii (Which is Il mortal >in. and not to be for
given by an orthodox Englisbmanl. "By
GEORGE says he, "lt you don't stop your
absurd American mistakes l Stant stand
it, Not American, my friend" said,
II an Il simple VirginiaD. We are salts
tied with being that. We do not aspire 10
lie Americans: but either dress your gentle
men less like servants or your servants less
like dukes before you lind fault with lis for
making mistakes.'
The way these people act sometimes is alb
surd. Went to Coyeut Garden Theatre to
Il benefit OF Adctina PATHS Countess de
CauX). and had but Il poor time. The room
was red, i'll lighted, close, and Stutly. How
ever, the music was fine. After 1t was all over
we went into the vestibule 10 wait Tor our car
riaee>. Everybody cUnSrcgates there, ana
treutls on eycryhcdy'S clothes and toes, aud II
is quite fine. You have Il tat duchess, who IooEs
remarkably like waSherWoman IN Sood
health and large practice, punching you on
one side. and another plelhoric peerless OF The
realm on tue other. was talking to a Wo-
man, by Tar the pretticst i'll the house, an
American 'hy birth, too. and was quite rs
MISUNDERSTANDING rs lllS'Sniucah', Us i
ulau could well hc. had on sWallow-GliIcu
coat, a light overcoat, lavender k'ds, ana al
opera hat mashed Hat under my arm. There
we're ihrpe doors, and us Il carriage arrived
y; omen chap would bawl on, THE Marchlo-
ness of powbalau's carriage stops the way J"
In another minute it would move to the
NEXT door with the same shout. aud
80 on. So they kept on, and l was
talking peaceabIy and inoifensively to
NV charming friend, who was enough
more distingre choking than any one OF them.
when The lackey at the first door shouts out,
). MIR. Wilson, OF the Langham hotels cur
riige stops the way" No response. In
another minute second door calls, Mr..
Wilson, OF the LuDgham Hotels carriage
STOPS the way" No answer. In another
moment q third wretch mo, ed, and scduccd
Gy the i,.sligation ofthe father Oi carret.bag-
gers split, lis throat to the sane tune, and
then ruShes up TO me: - Mr.. Wilson, of the
Langhan, your carriage, Slr.' | put on
that severe and diguihed AR which Virgil
MIA gentleman always assumes in rebuking
impertinrnce, and said solemnly, "My man,
do look us if l was Mr.. Wilson, of the
Laugham - beg pardon, my lord,"|
said the creature as he fell on his face and
performed the kootoo in the most approved
japanese fashion.
So it is that one must sometimes support
the dignity of the old Commonwealth.
Probably the most noticeable feature of