The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1873-08-21
SINGLE BBESsRBSESS.
Report or Man who Kept House
While HIS Wife was or for the
Summer.

My wife has gone away for the sun
mer and left me in full charge OF th..
house. | like il; hayn't had such a
run of liberty since we were married.
hope she's having u good time, for
can now exercise my rights as the
head OF the family. Can't do il when
she's st home; she'll not stand it. She
has rules, and makes every body about
her toe the mark But Pve got her
now, and am having things my own
way. This morning / came home
quite early. It was a. NJ. I'D been
to the CLUB and got caught out in the
rain. For half an hour l couldn't
lind the key hole, which must have
beer mislaid. felt for it everywhere,
and even got down into the yard and
examined every brick, but couldn't
ind it. L was in the act of calling
one OF my neighbOrS and asking him
who had carried off my front door,
when L happened tO find it and got
into the house
In the dark kicked over the spit
tOOn, but luckily didn't get any tobae-
co juice on my boots. hung my over
coat and umbrella ON prong of the
chandelier, let them drip on the par
loF carpet, went up stairs and turned
ia with my boots on. 1 thought it
wasn't worth while to pull them of
as would have 10 get up in eight or
ten hours anyhow. II my wife had
been home she'd have had me looking
an hour for the boot-jRel and would
have lost that amount Of ,rEsSf avyhfch
my system so much needed. Besides,
she'd have made me give full ae-
count OF myself, which don't like to
do. never did believe in praising
myself It's better to let Others speak
of ones virtue. / can now wear a
shirt week and it's nobOdy's BUSH
ness. l don't see how / ever did get
along with that woman. The idea Of
having TO put on q clean shirt, black
my boots and brush up my clothes
every morning, is simply ridiculous.
1t Is y miracle to me how | ever did it
and attend to my other affairs. now
read the morning paper without being
forced to see an impatient woman
standing with her dress in one hand,
looking very miserable, and finally
telling me she is going DOWN town and
wants that paper. Any one, to look
at the house now, would know there's
no woman about, everything is so
quiet and comfortable aud handy. II |
want TO do little figuring / don't
have to hunt up q pencil, or pen and |
ink, but l just sit down to one of the |
tables and do it with my finger, and |
there's nobody to be eternally WELD |
ing a dustiug brush around my head |
and telling me 10 get out Of the way
Till the house - CLEANED up. These are |
fts.f .h
ponder over. But when we do ponder |
and resolve, what good does it do? |
That's the question which is now agi-
tating the American people. What
good does it do? Not bit. II these |
women can't have everything just
their own wy, they swOOn off into
Mysteries. AS Consequence, we have
to pay a fifty dollar doctors bill, and
stay in the house all day, tanning
them and promising in the end that
''we may be happy yet" before they
show any disposition to compromise. |
Our wives are petted too much. Aud
this reminds me that mine won't yield
To any such treatment. / undertook
to prescribe u more stringent remedy
for her one day, but it threw her into
8 fit more like jim-jams than anything
know of. Sne broke every plate in
the house over my head, and then /
had to kiss her before she would prom
ise not to do it again. That's makes
me say she is set in her ways.
There, 100, are thepianO and guitar,
which she kept going from morning
till midnight, filling the whole neigh
borhOOd with diseOrdant sounds which
she called music. Both are as mute as
the bird cage which was vacated last
week by strategic movement of the
cat.
The 200 pots of flowers she left me
to cultivate / don't think will produce
much of q crop. They're nearly all
ripe now, and there's no sign of q
flower yet. ] have watered them
twice since she left, but it did no good.
reckon they miss her and are pining
away because she amt here. In this
respect they do not resemble me in
any alarming extent.
Our kitchen never looked better.
The stove and pipe have assumed a
beautiful tint, and the pots are bring
ing forth y fine crop of white looking
vegetable mould, which havn't
learned the name of, but she'll know
it when she comes. The dishes don't
look quite as bright and clean as they
might, but the flies are bad this year,
and if 1 were to wash them every two
weeks they wouldn't present a re-
spectacle appearance.
Notice to the EditOr.-Please sup
press that article about my Spell of
Single Blessedness. The old woman
has got back.