The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-09-23
The Pensive Cow.

Inc man aCrOS Tue way WIZ cpJoySH
vegetables fresh from his own garden
through the summer, has bought
COW. His wife told him how nice it
would be to have cow on the premises,
80 as to have milk fresh and pure
every day, and ALWAYS in time, and al
ways in abundance. Then they could
make butter themselves, aud not eat
the rank stuff out OF the store. She
told him there was enough stuff from
the garden and table to almost keep
the cow, and the product would be just
about so much clear gain. He figured
it up himself with a pencil, AID the re-
suit surprised him. He wondered why
he had not kept a COW before, and in
wsrdly condemned himself for the loSs
he had been inflicting upon himself.
Then ne bought COW. On the
evening of its arrival he went
out to milk it. But the animal was
excited by the strange surroundings,
and stepped on our friend, and kicked
over his pale, and nearly knocked enc
OF his ewes out with her tail. He worked
at the experiment for an hour, bat with
out success. Then his wife came ont
to give advice, and his son came out 10
see the fun. The COW put one heel
through the woman's dress, and knock
ed the boy down in the mud, which
ended their interest in the matter. One
of the neighbors milked the animal
that night, s1d came around the next
morning and showed the man how to
do it, The third day the cow escaped
the surveillance Of the boy who was
left to watch her, and when the man
came home at night she was nowhere
to be found. The boy bad
also disappeared, and our neighbor
found he had to hunt her up before
supper. He walked around for q while,
and then returned home. but the ami
NAL had not been seen. Then he went
eff again and made thorough search,
and about ten o'clock that night he re-
turned with the COW. his clothes be.
grimmed with perspiration and dust,
and his face flushed and scratched.
He wanted to kick the animals ribs in,
but realized that such course would
result in pecunisry damage. The
boy wishes he had obeyed the first i'm
pulse. On the fourth day they churn-
ed e 30 as to have fresh butter for the
table. The mother took hold OF the
dasher first, because she used to doit
when q girl, and liked no better sport.
She pounded away until she caught o
crick in the back that doubled her up
like knife, and then she put the
heir to it. He mad been standing
around eagerly waiting for
a chance and grumblng
becsuse he didn't get it, and when the
dasher was placed in his hand he was
90 happy be ceuld hardly contain him
self. He pumped away for halt an
hour at it; then be said that il he had
to do it any more he would run away
and be robber. At noon tbs man
came home and learned the situation
He was also disgusted al the TOM
foolery, as he called it, aud took hold OF
the churn herself, and made it bounce
for a while. Then his stomach COM
mepced TO fall in, aud his spine to un-
Joint, and his shoulders to loosen; He
stopped and wiped of the perspiraiton,
and looked around .melan-
choly cast OF his features, and
went at it again. The but
ter didn't come, however, but
everything in the way OF orstorisal et.
feet did. He got so dreadfully excited
that his wife, smelling strong OF CAM
phor, took the dSsber away from him,
and went to work herself. At this his
sou put his cap under his jacket and
miraculously disappeared. Later in
the day the milk was poured around the
grape vine. On the fifth day the cow
knocked down a length OF fence TO the
next lot, and ate all the oranges from a
tree that stood in tub, and when the
people tried to drive her out she carried
q new ivy on her horns, knocked down
a valuable yace Of flowers, and capped
the climax by stumbling over box o'
moses, aud falling on q pile OF hot
house frames. On the siEth day our
neighbor sold the COW to the butcher
and now eats strong butter which comes
from the store.