Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-09-12
HUMoR.

A man in Whitehall kicked another man
and was arrested for SO doing. When
brought before justice Of the peace he in.
Termed his Honor that the man be had
kicked was lightning.rod man. The jus.
tice at once discharged him with the re-
mark 1.-THE man who wouldn't kick a
liehtping-rod man Whenever he finds one,
is unfit to enjoy the liberties for which
Washington fought and Thomas Paine
wrote. = That justice had paid five hun
dred dollars for the lightning.rods on his
house last spring.
John Paul, in Saratoga letter, speaking
Of the arrival Of the Rev. DR.. Buddington
saws :"When man walks squarely up to
the clergyman who married him three years
before takes him by the hand cordially, and
without word Of reproach, inquiries after
his health. it is useless for any to MAINTAIN
that christian forgiveness is thing OF thu
past and does not enter largely into tba
mans character, or that the heroic vlrtueF
have all disappeared from earth"
A Kentucky editor received the following
note from subscriber, asking that falls
notice Of his death might be corrected -
"Sir, i motifs a few eros in the obituary
Of myself which appears in your paper Of
last wensday. was borr in greenup CO. not
coldwell, and my retirement from business
in 1869 was not OWN to il helth. but tn
little truble had in connection with horse.
and the cors of my deth was not small pox,
pleas make corrections for which enclose
so cents.'
Scene in Fort Wayne dry goods store:
Lady-"How much for this pFint p Gen
tlemanly and obliging clerk-|Nine cents
mum" Lady-'.'Nineteen cents ? LII give
you eighteen" Clerk-"Nine cents, mum /;
Won misunderstood me-" Lady-"Oh !!
nine cents I'll give you eight.
The total absence of boot,j acts, pomatum
pots, and other household missiles in toe
remains Of Swiss lacustrine villages leads
DR.. Hartman, the Distinguish ethnologist.
to the conclusion tnat the domestic cat was
unknown to prehistoric man.
A. doctor Of Portsmouth protest against the
tolling of bells at funerals He thinks the
sound has a depressing effect upon the sick,
and cannot prove a source OF much enjoy
ment to the departed.
Mrs. Wood, Of De Kalb county Iowa.
wrote to the man from whom che had twice
been divorced. asking him if be couldn't
take care of the children. He replied,
s.Yes, and you, too" and they are married
now for the third time.
Biddy ito Pat, in charge about difficulty.
-"Never fear, Pat Sure ye've got an
upright Judge to thry ye." Pat-"Ah.
Biddy, darlin', the divel an upright judge
r want. IT'S one that'll lane little"
Miss Harriet Martineau has written an
autograph letter to the Nation" to prove
that She had not died, as it said she had =
The "Natiou' does not even argue the
point, but resigns its Instability and apollo
gizes.
:, An editor once wrote: ''We have re-
ceiyed basket of strawberries from Mr..
Smith, for which be will receive our com.
pliments some of which are four inches ip
circumference"
The Utica Herald says men will nev.
er know what effect it would have had on
Job if eleven little girls had called on him,
one after another, and tried to sell Linn
Sunday school picnic tickets.
INV man, what's your charge for rowing
me across the Firth p Boatman-"We
sir, was jist thiDkin' I Gamma break the
Sawbath day for no less than fifteen shu.
lin'sp
The Danbury News" says 1.-THE use
Of tobacco is disgusting habit. 1t weak
ems the frame, benumbs the faculties, and
what is far worse, keeps up the price"
A local geologist of Terra Haute says that
any persen having taste for gold mining
can clear from forty to sixty cents day al.
most anywhere in Vigo county, Ind.
A Wabash editor returns thanks for a
eentipede sent him by mail from Texas, be.
ing the first cent of any kind be had seen
for month. BINS
Boston is preserving "Gen Lafayette's
eamp-table" for these fifty years, and has
Just found out that it belonged to colonel,
unknown to fame.
In an advertisement Of a barber business
for sale, the following appears 'Death,
the sole reason for leaving" It would be
difficult to find better.
A writer in the "Pall Mall Gazette"
SAYS that "few persons, probably, as . rule,
sleep sounder or enjoy so much undisturbed
repose as night watchmen.
A Washington paper announces that the
pablo printer will shortly issue ''com-
plete complication Of the postal laws Of the
United States"
Equality" says French writer,
..means desire to be equal to your superi.
or, and superior to your equal"
Rural journalists are complaining that
the long daylight Of this time of year in.
duces ruinous scarcity of kerosene items.
"Haves you had your mornings morning
this morning n is the latest way Of putting
Il. hsesa r-9asL
An Indiana reporter tells Of case Of
poisoning BY the use Of corrosive supple
ment."
How natral it IL when man makes a
mistake to korrekt it by kussing somebody
else for it.
An editor describes man as being ''as
socisble as q batch Of candidates two weeks
before election.
All things are systematized nova. days
Even every milk train has its eov-oatchsr.