Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-04-23
WIT and Hnmnr

Wit and HumOr.
WHEN does man feel girlish ? When
he makes his maiden speech.
A FARoE-Decorating false hair with
natural flowers.
WHICH of the reptiles is a mathema.
tician? The adder.
WHY is an errand-boy like an old
horse put up at auction Because he
will go for what he will fetch.
IF you are counting a girl. stick TO
It; no matter how large her fathers
feet are.
GA PRUDENT man." says a witty
Frenchman, sis like pin; his head
prevents him from going too far"
JOSH BILLINGS says: After all
don't know az thare IL eny thing that
pays better than being natral phool."
A PRUDENT clergyman, unwilling to
accuse citizen Of lying, said he used
the truth with penurious frugaIity.
A GENERAL shouldn't stand too
straight. He ought to lean little
upon his staff. ...5 ,s.s
WHAT requires more philosophy than
taking things as they come? Parting
with things as they go.
PROBLEM to be worked in worsted ::
II ten knots represent a stiff breeze
how heavy blow does a lady receive
when she buys a pound of double
zephyr?"
On one of the gentlemen in Congress
saying: I" We must return to the food
of our ancestors" somebody asked:
"What food does he mean?" 'sThis-
ties, suppose, said Tierney.
A DETROIT butcher has a sign hang
ing over his retail scales which reads
6 A false balance is an abomination to
the Lord, but just weight is his de-
light"
A LITTLE fellow who had just COM
menced reading the papers, asked his
father if the word g Hon." prefixed to
the name of Mr. P, a member of
Congress, meant &C honest s" sz p
POSTAL cards will be a convenience
to people who wish to tell you all they
know. Smith says to his landIady:
g Any letters for me, to-day?" And
she answers g Only two postal cards,
but there's nothing particular on them"
AT a colored meeting. a worthy
brother, whose piety exceeds his learn
ing, rather astonished his hearers by
quoting during an exhortation, from
de pistle 90 ST. Paul to de Cana
dams % - ~ ~
A HEN in st. Lawrence county, N. Y,
has made herself famous by laying an
egg bearing, in raised letters upon it's
shell, these momentous words =" War
with England, '73; Americans victori,
ous." sRt
The REToRT CoURTEoUs.-May (who
does not like being Wallfower J:
/ You've no idea, Maud, how utterly
idiotic you people dancing lock to
those who sit down and watch you y
Maud {: 81 dare say not, Lowell Inever
tried y
AN Irish physician was called to ex-
anime the corpse Of another freshman,
who had been assassidated by some Of
his countrymen. " This person." said
he, alter inspecting the body, "was SO
i'll that if he had not been murdered he
would have died half an hour before"
A soRRowING friend, writing of the
death of an estimable lady, said g She
has gone TO her eternal rest" His dis
may can only be family imagined when
upon a "proof " of bis obituary notice
being sent to him, he read, "She has
gone to her eternal roast.
g Your children may never have
wealth, observed neighboring cler-
4 gyman to his congregation, "but when
they grow up it Will be something for
them to boast that their fathers were
not members of the Forty-second Con-
gress." .u
! An Athol man recently had a severe
fit of illness, during which he expe-
rienced religion. One day during con-
vaiescence the minister called and pray
ed, followed by the sick man. who then
said to the clergyman, 81 am not much
used to praying, and [ don't know as
that prayer IS grammatical"
A YOUNG lady in Valley stepped into
/ the dark sitting room of the railway
station to kiss female friend good-by.
Owing to the darkness she ran against
Chinaman and didn't find out her
mistake until John began yelling /
" Whatee for you so chokee me? II
/ yah No squeeze so muchee!" One
screech, slammed door, and John was
alone. s..g.--.
2 YOUNG man out III search of his
fathers lost pig, near Scranton, Pa,
accosted an Irishman along the road
with: Have you seen stray pig
about here ~ Faith said Pat,
land how could [ tell stray pig from
another?o This reminds us of the
town ordinance, which provided that
every other dog" should be killed.
/ The difficulty was to- distinguish the
s'other" dogs. sEst,E -. 81.
AT mission Sunday school, not long
slnce, little boy was crying bitterly.
The teacher, upon inquiry learned that
he had lost his mother, and she, in
| sympathy, remarked to the scholars
| that no one knew what loss it was
until they had lost mother, and that
Johnny had good cause for CRYING. At
this moment a little urchin jumped ND
and said, "Oh, teacher, you Just wait
till he gets a stepmother, then you'll
hear him cry "
A BosToNIAN who asked his bow
what he had learned at school one day.
was told that his lesson had been
Johnny shut yer jaws and can't run"
He went to the school the next day,
and heard the teacher tell the boys to
repeat, Sc A comma is just a pause to
count one, and then heard the class
all shout IN unison: johnny shut
yer jaws and can't run" Explanations
followed, and that teacher is now striv-
ing to acquire more distinct enuncia-
tion.