Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-11-21
HUM0R.

ming some men are!' fs
Is A lot Of minstrels went to town not
far away and advertised to give perform
ance for 1.-THE benefit of the poor, tickets
reduced to ten cents.'' The hall was cram
med full. The next morning committee
for the poor called upon the treasurer OF
the concern for the amount said benefit
had Melted. The treasurer expressed as.
constituent at the demand. II thought"
said the chairman Of the committee, you
advertised this concert for the benefit OF
thepoor." Replied the treasurer: Didn't
we put the tickets down to ten cents, SO
that the poor could all come ?" The COM
mittee vanished. 81 6se Cha
Some originality has at last found its way
into the obituary columns Of the George
W. Childs-the Philadelphia LEDGER
rather: rg
tL.ay aside his little trousers, 3 a
That our darling used to wear,
He will never on earth want them,
He has climbed the golden stalr."
If anybody can read that verse without
shedding tears he may safely be called a
fiend in human shape. The picture of a
little boy climbing golden stairs without
his trousers on is very beautiful and the
more so because of the reflection that the
little one can never catch cold again.-Ro-
chester Democrat.
Simpkins, having welded and settled
down. accumulated slight scar over his
eyebrow. the cause Of which is unnecessa-
nv to state; but an inquisitive acquaint-
ance asked him whether it was a mark OF
the chicken-pox. 'sWorse than that re-
piled Simpkins, cts mark OF the hen
peck fitsf oTft
The editor of the Cleveland Leader
rows and girls-to ssEli Perkins y lecture
IN free tickets, and then went home and
deliberately wrote and punctuated the fol
lowing "a poor man fell over the gallery
last night while Ell Perkins was lectur-
ing in a beastly state OF, intoxication.
A John Bull, conversing with an Indian,
asked him if he knew the sun never sets on
the queens dominions. NO." said the
Indian. s.Do you know the reason why ~
asked John. Because: dod is AFRAID to
trust an Englishman in the dark, y was the
savage's reply. a <-Ra2 92a
Erred, /" said young man, walking up
State street ir Chicago the other day, after
listening to his wonderful story, do you
know why you are like harp struck by
lightning p mo-" says Fred - give it
no. ssBecause a harp struck by lightning
is blasted Tyre"
A negro in Boston complained at police
station that brother colored man had
broken chair all to splinters over his head.
Being told there were no marks on his
Uranium, hes said mo ! e didn't make
no marks, but e smashed de char all ter
pieces, and de char belonged ter me-"
=
ssWhat's the matter there, Alice Don't
YOUR shoes fit % s'No, papa, they don't
tit me at all, replied the little one. And
then she enumerated all the faults OF the
shoes in set terms, and reached the climax
thus why, they don't even squeak when
I go out for a walk f4
Mrs. Trollope, mother of the Trollope
brother novelists, in her domestic Mali
ners of the Americans declares that she
never heard a conversation of five minutes
duration among Americans in which the
word ssdollars'' was not used.
A postal card was received at Portland,
Me recently. having dollar bill sewed on
one side of it, and directly above the bill
was written: i"If this is stolen, it will be
after it leaves the Kittery post-office.
A man at Princeton College believes in
having "a place for every thing and every
tbing in its placeo' He nails his slippers
on the wall, four feet up, and then all he
has to do of an evening is to wheel up his
easy chair in front of them. EN5
The principal of young ladies' semina-
nv, North, where especial attention is
devoted to department, was Mortified the
other day to find the big girls playing "leap
frog'' in the back yard. ..~.,.z..
ssLightning saws'' are announced by
some dealers in hardware. That people see
lightning during thunder STORM IS plain
enough. but why they should saw lightning
is a problem. 9ais 4a
An eastern clergyman recently declared
that the whistling of the railroad engine
on Sunday 'Ssnorted defiance in the face of
heaven" aI4
Why is this continent like milk! Be
cause it's ours.
An Illinois lawyer advertises for the
shairs of Rebecca Long"
life is like theatre-during the play
we take higher and lower seats, but when
ii is over we mingle in the common stream
and go home. ~ Asa t'~f.f y ~
lady hearing that a tunnel cost 5000
~
buy her dress Of that material.
A Vermont man went over to an island
to live as Robson Crusoe did, but his
wife followed with a club, and his solitary
life lasted only three hours. $50. ~
A veteran observer says that little ba-
by is an easy thing to love- but big baby
is a hard thing to love, especially If you
have to marry her-or him.. .,~.as-
On week days you buy your music by
tie sheet on Sundays you can have 1t by
the choir for nothing.
ltJ hate to die-I wanted to wear my
blue redingote to Mrs. Georges party
were the dying words of the belle OF Kan
sas City,, ~ !iit
apo YOU like novels % asked Miss Fitz-
oevald of her backWoodS lover. II can't
Cav ), he replied; II never ate any but /
feil YOU what--you bet Pm death on pos
sum-"
man. who is eulogized as an energetic
citizen. y was run over by funeral IN Fro
violence, R. L., last week.
4 Tennessee paper tells of the presenta-
+;o,, to a citizen Of Nashville of the link |
ton used by Gen. Jackson at the battle
IF New Orleans"
,trs sarah Newcomb, of Illinois, recen- |
CIV ruined handsome bed-post Dy dashlng
ont the brains Of her husband with 1t.
BEFORE bustisg came into fashion there
xva n : : chance for aessspapers to display en-
t MrS i S but now all VI them are behind
in their make-tip> e3l
A green-groe lone who trusts. J