South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-06-20
W.T. AND IIUMoR.

ETA YOUNG medical student recently
invited young lady to attend concert
with him. The dsmse's answer to the
invitation was in this wise: IF you come
as a temporary supply must decline tue
deviation. / am only hearing regular
candidates.
ESr A CoLoRED preacher in transla'iug
to his hearers the sentence The harvest
Is over, the season is ended, and thy soul is
not saved, put it: de corn has been crib
bed, dere aiD't any more work, and dc deb
BIZ is ati'l fooin' wild dis community
sa1-MRs SwIssHELM, in her lecture to
young ladies, says that every country girl
knows how to color red with madder.'-
This we believe to be an chronological fact,
as we have always noticed that with all
girls the madden they get TIE redder they
color.
&S-A PARTISAN butcher, percciviug
that pieces of meat were frequently stolen
from his shop front, Of course by the cat,
bethought himself Of the old expedicnt sug-
geStcd, but not carried out by the tabled
rat, and determined to hell the robber. He
therefore fastened striog some six yards
long, with bell at the end Of it, TO sever
al nice handy pieces displayed on the board.
lie had not long to wait piece was hur-
riedly snatchcd up, and of ran the thief,
with the string and bell dragging after her,
and pursued by the butchers boy 10 con-
vulsions of laughter Tue cuiprlt was
woman, who hearing the bell ringing be-
hind her, and not daring to turn her head,
ran faster and faster, producing, as she ran,
still wilder jiDgliDg from the bell. Having
fully enjoyed the scene, the boy ut last
pointed out the terrified thief to the police,
who thought the whole thing was practi-
cal joke, aud were as much amused as the
boy In short, everybody but the subject
of tho experiment was delighted with this
sportive method of carrying out serious
public duty.
ADJUSTMENT: Bootmakcr (who has n
good deal of trouble with his customer
Il think, sir, if you were to cut your corns,
could more easily find you pair Che
leric Old Gentleman-'Cut my corus, sir
l ask you to fit me pair of boots to my
feet, sir |! I'm not going to plane my feet
down to fit your boots =
s9-JUDGE BERKELY says il has beer ad-
judged when person said of a lawyer that
he had as much law as monkey, that the
do or
as much law, and more also hut if he had
said he hath no more law than monkey,
these words would have been actionable
GSA MINISTER examined his school
boy thus what is the meaning of the
word repentantY Pleaae, sir, | don't know
Now, if bad stolen loaf of bread, what
should be " 'Pleaso, sir, locked up
We'll, should l feel sorry?' Yes well,
why should | feel sorry z please sir,
COS you was cotched
GSrWE know of nothing so susceptible
OF perversion as the efforts OF young man
to kill musquitoo on young ladies' cheek.
a censorious world would never forgive
him for trying to seize it with his teeth when
any less extraordinary method would do
just as well, aud yet it is said that in New
Jersey no gallant of sound ncisors ever a.
dopts any other method
GS- a REMARKABLY dirty man stepped
IN front of a small boy sitting on fence,
expecting to have some fun by cbafIing him
lie said How much do you weigh -
The answer was, well, about as much as
you would if you were washed
EzT The following is told Of negro
magistrate in Feyeue county, Tennessee
n b'o'hcr dOrkey had complained to him
that another dorkey bad killed hog Of his,
and b" demanded restitution. The deni.
he'd sable 'squire replied 'Slmbo, hasn't
time to ATTEND to dis case just now-ofIicial
business mighty pressin' but you go to
Constable RIVERS aud tel bin | says for
him to seize onything longing to de nig-
ger dat killed your hog until you is satisfied
GE An exchange says that We have
right to take an umbrelll or kiss without
permission whenever we can Wei. but If
the umbrella isn't returned, the fault is
ours if the kiss isn't, it is the lady's.
AE-A SOUTHERN editor, remarkipp up
on the subject, says that bo knows all a.
bout cotton and rice, but dosen't under.
stand hemp at all Perhaps be may yet