St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1873-05-02
st. cJohnsburp Galedunian.
St. Johnsbury, VT, Friday, May 2. 1873.
Those Carpets.

4AOsc SdI pSIS
The annual ceremony of taking up,
and whipping, and putting down car
pets, is almost upon us. Ii Is one OF
the ills which flesh is heir to. and can
not be avoided. You go home some
pleasant spring day at peace with the
world and find the baby with clean
face and get your favoritc pudding for
dinner. Then y0ur wife tells You how
much Younger YOU are looking, and
says she really hopes she can turn that
walking dress she wore last fall. and
save the expense of new suit, and
then she asks YOU if you can't just help
her about taking up the carpet If You
are fool, and you generally are 10y
that time. YOU tell her. of course YOU
can. lust as well as not. Then she gets
a saucer for the tacks, and stands and
holds it. and YOU get the claw. and get
down on your knees and begin to help
her. You feel quite economical about
the first three tacks, and take them out
carefully and put them i'll the saucer.
Your wife is good about holding the
saucer, and beguiles you with an inter
esting story about how Your ncighbor, ;
little boy is not expected to live till
morning.
Then YOU come to the tack with Il
crooked head, and you get the claw un-
der it and the head comes off, and the
leather comes off, and the carpet comes
off, and as it wont do to leave the tack
in the floor, because it will tear the
carpet when it Is put down again, you
go to work and skin your kmuckle and
get silver under your thumbnail. and
tell your wife to shut up about that
everlasting boy, and make up your
mind that it does not make any differ
ence about that tack. and so you begin
on the corner where the carpet is dnu-
bled two of three times, and has been
nailed down with Il shinglr nail. Iou
don't care Il continental about saving
the nail, because you find that it Is not
IL good time for the practice of economy
but you do feel Il little hurt when both
clauses break off from the claw, and the
nail does not bulge peg. Then your
manhood asserts itself. and you rise III
your might, and throw the carpet claw
at the dog. and get hold of the carpet
with both hands, and the air is full 81
dust and flying tackS. and there is 4
fringe of carpet yarn all along 10y the
mop board, and the baby cries. and the
cat goes anywhere, anywhere ont of the
world, and your wife SAYS Nou ought t,
be ashamed of Yourself to talk so.-but
the carpet comes up.
Then You lift one side of the stove
and your wife tries to get the carpet
from under it, but cant, because Won
are standing on it. SO you try Il new
hold, and just after your back breaks.
the carpet is clear. You are not through
yet. Your wife don't tell You any more
little stories, but she gets your old coat
and hangs it Oh to you. and smOthers
you with that carpet. and opens the
back door and shoves you out, and in
Inmates that the carpet needs whipping,
When you hang the tOrmenting thing
across the clothes line the wrong way,
and get it rightcd, and have it slide of
into the mud, and hang it up again, and
get half pint of dust and three broken
tacks snapped out of the northwest
corner into your mouth by the wind,
you make some observations which you
neglected to mention while in the house
Then you hunt up stick and 60 fol
that carpet. The first blow hides the
sun and all the fair face of nature he
hind a cloud of dust. and right i'll the
centre of that cloud, with the wind
square in your face, no matter how you
stand, you WELD that cudgel until both
hands are blistered and the milk of hui
man kindness curdles i'll your bosom.
You can whip the carpet IA longer oil
shorter period, according to the size OF
your mad it don't make any difference
to the carpet, it is just as dusty and
fuzzy and generally di>agrecahle. after
you have whipped two hours, as it was
when you commenced. Then you bun
die it up, with one corner dragging, and
stumble into the house, and have more
trouble with the stove, and fail to find
any way of using the carpet stretchei
while you stand on the carpet. and fai
to find any place to stand, off from the
carpet, and you get on your knees again
while your wife holds the saucer. anC
with blind confidence hands YOU broker
tacks, crooked tacks. tacks with NJ
points, tacks with no head, tacks with
no feathers, tacks with the biggest enc
at the point.
Finally the carpet is down, and the
baby comes back, and the eat come
back, and the dog comes back, ant
your wife smiles sweetly. and says sh,
is glad that job is off her mind. As il
is too late to do anything else. You 81
by the fire aud smoke, with the innel
consciousness that you are the mcaneS
man in America. The next day YOU
hear your wife tell friend that she il
so tired, she took up and put down thai
great, heavy carpet, yesterday. " tict
Herald.