Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-08-29
Letter from Illinois.
THE CITY OF MONMOUTH THE
BLACK JOKE.


BLACK JOKE.
A'i''' TN MoSxorru, ILL.,, 10th Aug. 20 To-, :
r. describe Monmouth intelilglO'y
d;s;cult matter. 1t is 50 hard 10 "a. :1a.
u'. =" Vermopter any adequate iueI
of the intolerabc 1atness oil 'nis
the United States. the |
Surrounded by eornfelds which IN 'I III
Ill Ierel rise to the dignity oil hiIls a"
,nast tbe town broods over its own hi'ni~
No.. lie a hen smashed to a perfect piano,
The garbage heap of all Illinois, one VI
think it lies miserable and ior'orh w
lection of rotting houses, wide' emPts'
tbreadbarc, Uttered streets, InhaDi'eu y
about five thousand dirty, unWhoieSo,"o
neonle. called in the quaint yernacui',i
Tho country .. Suckers, all well-to-do' al,
safe from the poor house, few rlch, anu
all shabby and awkward and ungainiy a.
their town. 4, 500.
Like all western towns Monmouth was
laid ont with the grandeur oil the new
paris having wide, stately avenues anu
s,,ocious souares. all betokening the utter
nrofnsion of land with which this country
abounds in startling extent. \ lew planAS
laid down for sidewalks and here ana 'uei'
i. sicklv shade tree, and then the MISSION
of the city fathers ends at once anu ioi-
ever.
The country around shows nothing pu'
IL
the profusion with which nature has evenly
distributed the most fertile soil IN the
world. Corn. corn, corn interpreted with
vide fields of grain and inhabited with the
most uncouth, easy-going, devil may-eare
race of people on earth, all rich above
their deserts. And such cattle, the pooreSto oil
which would make an Eastern man 5 eyes
clisten TO own. and which would take the
first premium at all the County and Stalc
fairs in Vermont; and hogs till you can
rest. black. fat, grunting hogs, which get
their color from the soil and their tat from
the corn. and the hog cholera Whenever
they get the chance, and then have to be
tried out and put up in nice tin cans ana
labeled leaf lard and shipped East to Try
dourbputs in. In the city Of Monmouth
| fronted bv two churches and surrounded by
n mass of terror-strickcn buildings, stands
square. tall. ungainly hotel ''at the which
We are steppinc. Bleak and desolate 1t
/ looks. Its window frames and SASH cor
/ nice. lintels and doors are painted ghasiiy
white and the body of the structure niaeh'
| an inky. ominous, uneompromisins nLaek.
/ The history Of its dark peculiarly Is some
/ thing as follows:
with an extravaganza which seems strange
Nv out of place in this forlorn and decayIng
city. determined with ponderous oath To
paint the same, and having registered VOW
/ on hirh to such effect. began TO cast about
for materials with which 10 make the
change Of color, but the gallons OF on
which would be consumed in the prepara-
/ tory coal.ng of the porous brick, looted
no a bill Of such alarming proportions that
/ he lent a ready ear TO the blandishments
of Joking drummer from the wicked city
/ Of Chicago. called Savage. Ihls savage
with artful arguments and plausible pre-
| fences persuaded Parmlee that dollars upon
dollars might, would and could be saved =
he should use for preparatory coat for bis
[ hotel coal tar. The gudge0n bit at the BAIT
and with all the zeal of a new convert,
hustled around before the happy idea should
| be lost. and such was his earncstne>s that
the next morning a small army Of men with
| ladders and pitch pots were dauhng the
bricks with the vileSt smelling stuff that
| ever even Pluto conceived of, while the once
/ CAV building rapidly assumed funeral ap-
| pearance. The wicked drummer looked on
I AT his CHASTITY work and grinned, while the
citizens Of Monmouth gathered in knots on
u e. - . +nf M
/ wondered and wondered and talked. Specu-
laton began its riotous conjecturing, sur
misses. dark and bloody sprang to every
I ones lips What dark and bloody mystery
was about 10 enclose the once quiet town IN
[ gloom and terror? What corpse or cOrpses
was the gloomy structure TO contain? What
class of fends, demons or Afrites were to
inhabit the inky depths Of this once cheer
full and hospitable hostelry2 The wonder
/ grew apace. The last square inch OF brick
was covered with pitch, the refuse Of the
/ cas wOrks-the wOrkmen left and things
gradually Gained down TO a settled look of
grim despair. The streets bordering on the
/ strangely-hued hotel began to be deserted.
Stories Of ghosts, spectresa and COLLINS damned
were rife in that neighborhood. Dogs
SUNK by with their tails pressed closely be-
tween their trembling legs. and horses
shivered with fright when compelled by
fearful drivers to pass by at night when the
moon shone full on the grim and CHASTITY
thing, looking more ghostly than ever with
it, ebon-hued walls and white grinning
windows The stencil Of the tar filed the
nCstrils of the entire community and mel
pient incendiaries organized secret cOntla
grafton societies all over Warren county.
At last matters reached a climax. \ daring
youth was singled out from among his iel-
lows to apply the torch to the infammable
/ charnel-hOuse and on a sultry night in
/ May when the clouds overcast the sky and
the low mutterings of an appr0aching thun-
/ der storm hushed all nature to a frightened
I calm, with taltering steps he neared the
/ house of gloom Ere he did the deed Of woe
/ he paused.-a binding flash Of lightning
/ blazed athwart the sky, he recled in his
/ footsteps and with wild shrek struggled
/ and leaned against the pitchy walls. The
rain descended in torrents and when the
morning dawned in the east and the birds
Z began their tuneful warblings, and the low
ing kline passed on their way to the fragrant
I pastures. the early passers BY paused in ter
Tor stricken amazement at the lifeless form
[ of the daring youth. who pinioned fast 10
/ the pitchy wall had breathed his last in the
vain endeavor to rid the city of the mon
/ strosity. There his bleaching bones cover
I ed with few huttering rags hang, glued
/ fast to this day, lending a new element of
fantastic terror to this spectral hotel.
/ The obstinate pitch refuses 20 dry and
/ futile Is every attempt to change its black
/ ness with paint
/ Thus it is and thus viii it ever remain.
/ the grim, ungainly, gaunt, and ominious
monument of the gulhbility of the Mon
mouth hotel keeper who listened to the adj
vice Of Chicago drummer.
D 1T this story = NOT -friefIv trur I can tr| d.
| point to the nearest liberty pole and sly
| there is the guarantee of free speech and
[ free presses. C.C.S-