National Republican., 1873-11-18
FLASHES OF nUMOR.

Wicked wastc-burpinR o candle at both ends
A four-year old boy recently complained thai
his teeth ''had trod on his tongue"
Mrs. PaTtington says she gets up every morn.
ing at the shriil carrion OF the chandelier.
An English publisher who advertised "Joa.
quin Miller half-calf," IL threatened with libel
suit.
"My wife, said a critic, "ls the most even.
,S%psred %n9's person in tho wOrld-'hea always
A man In Duluth Ia so mean that hc auarrels
with his wife about the politics Of tho paper she
expands her bustlo with.
Awestern paper, describing an accident, SAYS,
"Dr. Crawford was called, and, under his prompt
and skillfnl treatment, the young man died on
Wednesday night"
ltwas an Irish coroner who, when asked how
ne accounted for an extraordinary mortality In
Limerick, replied sadly: 81 cannot tell. There
are people dying this year that never died be-
happy misquotaiicn by young lady. whose
gentlelnan-caller stad too late, caused a speedy
rood.by. The clock struck IL, anil she rcinark eds
Now Is the witchlng hour Of night, when people
Whenever we hear a man making a dlspar-
aging insinustion In regard to his mother-iu-
law we always feel like saying to him, "Sir, you
never would have been anywhere II your father
Bdfar.
A girl Of tho period thus comments on Nor
monlsm! SLOW. absurd Four or i've wives to
one man, when the fact is each woman In these
times ought TO have four or i've husbands. II
would take about that number to support one
decently."
A smart little fellow In New Orleans was re-
pIoved by MS mother Tor telling a ilb. Ne N.
told him he must ask divine pardon. 50 the little
boy knelt down and said: 80, Lord, forgive mo.
could take Joke"
"Litte Tommy didn't dlsobcy mamma and
go In swimming, did ht7" "No, mamma; Jimmy
Brown and the rest OF the boys went In, but
aUal0A aaI
"And Tommy never tells lies, docs hc7" "No,
mamma, couldn't 20 TO heaven" "rhen how
aoes aS,,, Ton, Tommy happen to have GU Jimmy Browns
Tue pancake season has not got round to
hlchmond. ind. A hirej gir employed IN a
family there while baking cakes tho other morn
inv, stepped backward to chair IN which re-
posed the batter, and deliberately lat down In
the pan. As she subsequently refused TO sit
down on the stove the breakfast was nnished
with bread.--DInburg NeicI.
good mother wasI trying TO explain tn a
young hopeful the other day about lighting
against the devil. After telling the little fellow
who the devil was, aud how hirl he was to sue
cessfully resist, he turned around and sald
"Mamnia, I'D be scared Of the old devil, but II
was TO come across ono Of his little devils, I'd
knock the s,ufing out OF him."
"Iow pleasant It Is In this wicked old world"
says the Peoria Rsrfetc, 80 meet man In the
busy walks OF lie. whose face Ia an open book,
bearing the imprint OF honesty, whose nobility
OF soul speaks In his very glances, whose whole
affection for him that only needs cultivation to
inspire tho possessor to know more OF him, and
borrow money from him, as It were. All, ycs!"
A wife OF nearly ten years, giving her servant
a holiday, was attending to culinary matters
herself, and, hearing her husband coming Into
the kitchen, thought she would surprise him as
soon "a he opened the door by throwing her
hands over his eyes ami inpIlnt,ng KISS on his
brow, as In the honeymoon. The husband re-
turned the salute with interest. "Mary, darling,
where Ia your mistressf" Tue wife discharged
"Mary, darling" the next day, aud has adopted
new plan Of Surprising" her husband.