, 1873-07-13


right now, Two Hhut ono Of his oycs and am pop
ping tito otllort" And alo It popped" II boforo
Tho oflcor could stop her.
"A gentleman whose honao Nha undor rorair
mud observing q1iantity Of nails lying about. ho
rnhl 10 the carpenter "WI,y don't you talso
oale Of these na'ls7 They'll coratnly DO loat. !"
".No.", u. , replied tito carpenter; you'll hnd th0m
An exchange romnrks that, notwithstanding
tho fact that tho rccort tornado In Town blow tho
foAthora Off from poultry, we l,avo yet to lloar
q single inHtanco. Of n woman losing her fa!so
hair. Tho moral Of which, is, that cliickona
should use llair-pinB when yonturing out In =
tornado.
Young Wifc-" George, doar, Two had talk
with tho servants tliB morning, and Two ngroosl
to raiso their wagos. They said everything was
riser to uuoh price, Ind ovory yi9hlng.-1 Thought
this waa reasonable, bocalso I've 10 often hoard
You complain Of the Hame ething.''-l'aaeh.
-Lord EHEgroso sas veEy, "wordy" Judge.
him, III oondemning nun to doatll for atabbing
soldier, nggravnte tho oflenso thus "And not
Only did you nurder him, waoroby ho WAS ba-.
rchved Of hia lifo, but you did thrust, Or rueh,
or pierce Or project. or p.opel TIC otl. woapon
brecchea which wora Ills Majeaty'sl"
Old Mr.. franklin, Of CattarauguB County,
New York, cronted vast donl Of e1citomont tho
% ether @ asy BY throying plew,share 10 a iato ,s the
TlHQls ou ACCuuuI Ul H4b Wll0a lHCcGBAuL HoolA-
ing. Mr. Franklin, It might DO vol to add, was
attached to tho weight BY q ropo; consequently,
throe foet of good rope, insl through chronic
propensity to wag her tongue!
THO Detroit, Free Pres. Says: A boy
about 10 yoara old caIno blubbering into the
Central Station yesterday NOON, and whom asked
what tho mattor was ho replied You see, I
safd my dog Sam could lick Billy o'Graly'a dog
Bose, and ia bot stamps on 1t. Ham wont to do
It, and he'd a shook that pup suro, only Billy he
put snuff on his dog, md Bum got coughing
md aucozing, and DoBo 1oorod Tim aud cliowod
lin, him TT ho couldn't h0lor-gimmo warrant for
Tho clown OF circus exhibiting In q little
town in Virginia last wook mado an exhortatlon
to his nudionco, in which he took thom to tnBk
eovoroly for paying dollar to 300 him act tho
fool, whom they stlutcd thoir preacher. It had .
proachors got up revival, and q collection for
foreign missions resulted in tho Hum Of four
dollars.
Detroit merchants combine bnsiness and
griof. wife Of ono Of this claaa dying THO othor
day. life insurance company received tho fol-
lowing notice: ."Doar s(r: tako my pen in
hand to lot you know that am vol. but TINT my
doar vito, injured tor 3d. 900 In your company, Ia
no moro; sho diod to-day. Hor policy is No.
and q good mother. I havo tho DOCTORS cortiG-
cate, SO that there will bo no trouble about tho
policy. sl1e was sick only short time, but auf-
forod much. DO you givo check in ady1noe, or
must wait sixty days for tho money!"
-Sluoly tho most practical man Of our day
has boon discovered A young man down East.
writing to his sweetheart tho other day, said
II Wish, my darling, that you would not write
| mo suoh long letters II you we're to bring an
| aetion for brench Of promise agAinBt me, tho
lawyers would copy tho correspondence between
us and charge 10 conts for every folio Of aoventy-
| two worda. The shorter tho letters tito moro wo
| save from tho lawyers." Strange to say, the
young man mover roooived replyl
-Tho Boston Globe fears that Foreigners
| sometimes find it difficult to road our news-
paper language. evon with tolerably fair knowl-
| edge OF its intricaoies. What for instance,
could thoy mako Of tho following from q Western
paper: "Tho Mayor galooted up tho church
aisle, awaslaying and gyrating like Chinese
| joss with tho Jim inns 7"
Farmer Donnidgo (mooting his Rector al
the Royal Academy Exhibition :" Hayo you no
ticed thiB beautiful pictur', sir, No. 988, BY Mr.
| Wee Priusep, o the evil sporits that onterod the
hord o swine, and they. rushed violently dowr
tho preoipice, and porishod in tho eoa? Tha't
| tho piotur' I'd like to hoy, sir. But thoros ont
pint about that Extraordinary ewent, str, rs has
! allus weighed on my mind, and Two otter
thought o askin' o YOU" noctor-"oh,
shall DO most happy, Mr.. Dennidgo, at any timt
to explain FARMER Donndgo-,"' We'll, it's thi'
ere, Bir, lin serious whiBper) "whow paid fol
them drowned pigs, cir s"--Punch.