Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1873-12-24
THE FAT MANS DILEMMA.

! = SChtiCIldu vi tlu6 JOQO
bull proportions-weighing some eigh.
teen or twenty stone-had occasion some
years ago, anterior to the railroad era,
to travel In summer by stage coach from
Oxford to London. The stage carried
SIX inside; and our hero engaged two
places (as, in consideration of his size.
he usually did for himself. The other
four seats We're taken by Oxford stu
dents.
These youths, being lighter than our
/ modern Lambert, reached the stage be-
fore he did, and each snugly possessed
himself of corner seat, leaving centre
seat on each side vacant. The round,
good-tempered face of John Bull soon
after appeared at the carrjage-door, and
peering into the vehicle and observing
the local arrangements, its owner said,
with smile:
s'You see am of pretty comfortable
size, gentlemen; so have taken two
seats. 1t will greatly oblige me if one
of you Will kindly move into the oppo-
site seat, so that may be able to enter +"
MY good sir !" said a pert young
law-student, possession is nine-tenths
OF the law. You engaged two seats.
There they are-one on each side. We
engaged one each, came first, entered
regularly into possession, and our titles
to the seats We occupy are indisputable. I"
II do not dispute your titles" said
the other: "but L trust to your polite
! ness, seeing how the case stands, to
enable me to pursue my journey"
"Oh ! hang politeness T. said hope
ful young scion of some noble house.
81 have horror of q middle seat, and
would not take one to oblige my grand
mother. It's ungrateful as well as un-
comfortable and, besides, one has no
chance of looking at the pretty girls
along the road. Good old gentleman,
arrange your concerns as you please /
stick to my corner !" And he leaned
back, yawned, and settled himself with
hopeless composure in his place.
Our corpulent friend, though a man
not easily discomposed, was somewhat
put out by this unmannerly obstinacy.
He turned to smart-looking youth
with a simper on his face-a clerical
student, who had hitherto sat in
reverie, possibly thinking over his
chances OF rich bene6ce in the future.
"Wili you accommodate me?" he
asked. 'This is the last stage that
starts for London to-day, and business
of urgent importance calls me to town"
''Some temporal affair, no doubt"
said the graceless youth, with mock
gravity-"some speculation with filthy
lucre for its object. Good father, at
your age your thoughts should turn
heavenward, instead of being confined
to the dull, heavy tabernacle of clay
that chains us to the earth" And his
companions roared with laughter at the
joke"
A glow of indignation just colored the
strangers cheek but he mastered the
feeling in a moment, and said, with
much composure, to the fourth:
"Are you also determined that shall
lose my place? Or will you oblige me
by taking q central seat?"
GAY, do, Tom !" said his lordship to
the person addressed; she's something
in the way of your profession-quite a
physiological curiosity. You ought to
accommodate him."
MAY 1 be poisoned if 1 do I" replied
the student of medicine. SIN dissect-
ing-room he'd make an excellent sub
ject. But in a coach - this warm
weather, too Old gentleman, if you'll
put yourself under my care LII engage
in the course of six weeks, by Judi
cious course of depletives, to save you,
hereafter, the expense of double seatl
But, really Ito take middle seat in
the month of July is contrary to all the
rules of hygiene, and practice to which
L have a professional objection - And
the laugh was renewed at the old gen.
tleman's expense.
By this time the patience of the
coachee, who had listened to the latter
part of the dialogue, was exhausted.
"Harkee, gemmen ~ said he. "Settle
the business as you like. But it wants
Just three quarters of minute of twelve,
and with the first stroke of the Univer-
sity clock my horses must be off. 1
would not wait three seconds longer for
the King-God bless him 'Twould be
as much as my place is worth" And
with that he mounted his box, took up
the reins, bid the hostler shut the door,
and sat with appraised whip listening for
the expected stroke.
As it sounded from the venerable
belfry, the horses, as if they recognized
the signal. shot off at a gallop with the
four young rogues, in whom their own
rudeness and our fat friends dilemma
afforded a prolific theme for merriment
during the whole stage.
Meanwhile the subject of their mirtb
hired a postchaise, followed, and over
took them at the second change of
horses, where the passengers got out
ten minutes for lunch. As the post
chaise drove up to the inn-door two
young chimrey-sweeps passed, with
their bags and brooms and their we'll
known cry.
Come hither. my lads r said the
corpulent gentleman. "What say You
to a ride?"
The whites Of their eyes enlarged into
still more striking constrast with the
dark shades of their sooty cheeks.
"Wili you have ride, my boys, in
the stage-coach?'
"Ees, zur !" said the elder, scarcely
daring TO trust the evidence of his ears.
"Well, then, hostler, open the stage
door. In with you And-d'ye hear :?
be sure to take the two middle seats.
So, one on each side !"
The guards horn sounded, and
coachee's voice was heard:
"Only one-minute-and-a half more,
gentlemen. Come on"
They came, bowed aughingly to our
friend of the corporation, and passed on
to the coach. The young lord was the
first to put his foot on the steps.
"Why, how now, coachee? What con-
founded joke is this? Get out, You ras-
Gals, or I'll teach You how to play gen.
tlemen such trick again y
ssGi. stiiJ NV lads You're entitled |