The weekly register. [volume] (Point Pleasant, Va. [W. Va.]) 1862-1909, 1873-07-03
"Ccrding" the Bedstoad,

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mother will persist iu sleeping on cord
bedstead. But she does, You don't
think so much of this until you are called
upon to put it up, which event generally
takes place 10 the evening The bedstead
has been cleaned in the afternoon, aud
having been soaked through with hot wa
ter is now ready for putting up Your
wife holds the lamp aud takes charge Of
the conversation The rope has been un'
der water several times in the course of the
cleaning and having swollen to a dame
ter greater than the holes in the rails has
also got into a ct of coiliug up into mys'e'
rious and very intricate forms. You at
Grst wonder at this, but pretty soon won
der ceases to be a virtue, and you scoId-
The thread which has been wound around
the end Of the rope to facilitate its intro
ducrion into the holes has come OF, and
you have to roll it up again Then, after
you have pulled through eight holes your
wife makes the discovery that you have
started wrong. The way that rope comes
out of those holes again makes your wife
get closer to the door. Then you try
again, and get it tangled in your legs
By this time you notice that this is the
smallest bedroom 10 the house, aud you
call the attention Of your wife to the fact
by observing: "Why on earth don't you
open the doorY Do you want to smother
me2" She opens the door and you start
again, and she helps you with lamp First
abe puts it on the wrong side of the rail,
then she moves it so the heat comes up
from the chimney and scorcbcs your nose
Just as you need it the most you lose sight
of it entirely, and turning around find her
cxaming the wall to see bow that man has
put on the whie.wash. This eXcitcs you,
aud brings out the pcrspiration in greater
profusion, aud you declare you will kick
the bcdstead out Of doors It she doesn't
come around with that light Then she
comes around. Finally the cord is laid
all right, and you proceed to execute the
very delicate job of tightening it. The
lower ropes ore FIRST walked over This is
done by stepping on the first one aud
sinking it down, hanging to the head
board with the clutch Of death. Then
you step with the other foot on the next
line, spring that down, lose your balance,
grab for the head board miss it, and come
down in heap. This is repeated more
or less times across the length of the bed,
the only variety being the new places you
bruise. The top cords are tightened iO
another way, and you now proceed to that,
You first put one foot on each rail, which
spreads you some, aud as you do it the
frightful thought strikes you that if one oI
these feet shonld slip over, nothing on
earth could prevent you being split through
to the chin. Then you pull up the
first rope until your eyes seem to be
on the point of rolling out Of their sockets
and the blood iD your veins fairly groans'
and on being convinced that you cant
pull it any further without oripPIiOg your
self for life, you catch hold of tho next
rope and draw that up and grunt. Then
you move along to the next and puI! that
up, and grunt again. Just as you have
got to the middle and commence to think
that you are about through, even if your
Joints will never again set as they did be
fore, you some way or other miss the con
ncction, and Gnd that you have got TO go
back and do it all over Here you pause
for few minutes for oraCular rcfreShment.
and then slowly and carefully work your
way back You don't jump down and
walk back, because you are afraid to spread
out 10 that way again You sort of wad,
die back, working the way inch by Inch
and with consummate patience. A man
TINS stretched across bcdStead never be-
comes so excited MS to lose his presence of
mind 1t would be instant death if be
did. Then he goes over it again, Wad
ding and pulling, groauiug aud gruoIi"g'
while bis wife moves around with the
lamp, and tells him to take it easy, aud
not scratch the bedstead any more than be
can help, and that she can't tell which
creaks the most he or the bedStcad And
after he gets through she has the audacity