The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-06-24


tB- An Iowa justice Of the peace refused
to fine man for kissing girl against
her will, on the ground that Hannah could
have bitten him but did not
eB One person having asked another il
he believed in the appearance of spirits,
No." was the reply, /" But believe in
their disdppearGnce, for I've missed bot
tie of gin since last night"
nB-" Who was the first womanP''
Eve, of course" "No, you'ra wrong"
"How so ?'' "Why, don't the Good Book
say that Adam was the first made ? And
isn't maid woman?
pB- Two Irishmen travelling ON the Bal
timore and Ohio railroad track came to
mile post, when one of them exclaimed
thread aisy, Pat; here lies q man who
was 10S years old-his name ia Miles from
Baltimore.
eB- "Salts of demoniac" were recently
called for at country store In Western
Massachusetts,. The apothecary filled the
bill with pint of New England rum.
Anything more demoniao than that, he
said, wasn't down in his materia medica.
eB- AS fop was riding very fine horse
in the park, young and pretty lady was
very evidently admiring the animal, when
he stopped and impudently asked: care
you admiring me, miss ?" No." was the
ready reply; 81 was admiring Che horse,
not the donkey"
oB-" Professor" said student in pur-
suit of knowledge concerning the habits OF
animals, "why does cat, while eating,
turn her head first one way and then
another ?" "For the reason" replied the
Professor "that she cannot turn it both
ways at once"
eB On the consummation of wedding
in an uptown family visitor unwisely OBJ
served to the youngster, "You're broth
er-in-law, now, Tommy" r od
eyes" said Tommy, putting out his
cheeks Extensively, "but Ma says I'll be an
uncle, by and BY"
tB A skeptic who was trying to confuse
a Christian colored man by the contra
dictory passage in the Bible, asked him
how it could be true that we were in the
the Spirit and the Spirit in us. "Oh, :"
replied he, "dar's no puzzle bout dat.
It's like dat poker; put it in de fire
till it gets red hot-now de poker's in do
fire, and de fires in de poker"
,DB An indianapolis woman recently
gave birth to child during her husbands
absence, and just before his return the
neighbors borrowed two other babies and
placed them in bed with the little stranger.
When the father asked to see his child the
coverlid was turned down, and although
he must have been immensely surprised
he coolly turned to his wife and asked
"Did any get aways"
tB- In village sabbath school in a
neighboring village a few Sabbaths ago,
the superintendent was endeavoring to con-
vey to the minds of the children the spirit
ual significance of the lamb, the sheep and
the shepherd. "Now," says he, "you
are the lambs, the teachers are the sheep /;
what am 1 P' After some pause, an urchin
having more knowledge than discretion,
assuringly shouted, ~ guess you must be
the old 6ueki"
cT- Jones went to a masquerade ball
short time ago in the character of fortune
teller. A newly-married couple came up
to him, and Jones began to tell their for
tunes by examining.their hands. "You,"
he said to the young wife, "you will have
three children" Then to the husband, he
said "You will never have children"
The husband didn't like it, and Jones was
very sorry for what he said, when he dis
covered the couple to be man and wife.
H-A boy about ten years old, ragged
and barefooted, dropped into the Central
Station, and one of the men asked him
where his father was.
"Dead," replied the lad.
"Where's your mother?''
run away" was the answer.
"That's tough" continued the officer
II should think you'd feel pretty lone
some"
Not bit Of it," exclaimed the boy
frightening up; "there's going to be the
biggest circus here next month you ever
set your eyes on"
GB- A negro minister who married rath-
er sooner after the death of his wife than