The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-02-28
sc1ssoRINes.

The chasm that swallowed up Will
Sarcasm.
A theatrical prescription-a change
of scene.
Maids of honor-Those who do not
lilt suitors.
The best style of writing-Righ.-
ing wrong.
An old toper's last hope-An ale
in his coffin,
A drawing-room-The apartment
of dentist.
What is smaller than mite 'smouth?
Its tongue.
A girl has a ringing laugh when
she is belle.
Weight for the wagon" as the
fat lady sang.
Piece-makers-Steam. gunpowder,
and glyeerine.
An exchange alludes to morpheus
the good of day."
The Lexington Miss Adreniser is
edited by lady.
The proper table cover for whist
table-Hoyle-cloth.
Miss construction - whalebone,
wadding, and paint.
The spendthrift's prayer-"Leave
me a,loan, will you?'
Much ado about nothing-Some of
our farewell dinners.
The refreshment an idle man
would prefer-Loaf-cake.
Helen Josephine Mansfield is call
ed Princess of Erie in Paris.
There is foolish corner eFen in
the brain of the sage.-Aristo,le.
What single State will Mrs. Wood
hull be sure to carry? "Tennie c."
The favorite song of the Siamese
Twins is, I'VE were Boys Together. I"
Charles Reale makes war on tight
lacing and pearl powders in his new
novel.
Nine. Rattazzi purchased the library
of the ex7Empress Eugenie, lately in
Paris.
Mrs. t-Siddons' matinee read
ings are quite the fashion in New
York city.
London Punch defines woman as
ga creature endowed with q self-or-
namental instinct"
''Allers TO court and never to
marry, makes the happiest heart o
feller gan carry.
The Queen of Denmark is rebuking
extravaganza, by appearing in public
In calico dresses.
A country newspaper speaking Of
blind fiddler, says: "Aithough he
can't see he can saw.
A sign in Mission street, San Fran
cisco, Is inscribed: Or: Teeth
extracted, soc; children, 25c,"
The superior ingenuity of the fair
sex iu the matter of Fall fashion is
said to date from the Garden of Eden.
A cynical bachelor, in speaking OF
ladies' ball dresses, says: ..They
wear but little, but they wear that
little long"
A Missouri agriculturist tells a
story of his having corn thirty three
feet high. and expects the public to
give ear to it.
A Council Buffer bet sewing ma
chine with a girl that she wouldn't be
married within year. The machine
cost $50. You can't most always tell
Don't you think" asked a con-
ceited fiddler of a critic, '.that I can
play the violin like Paganini ?"-
Eyes, said the critic, s'or any other
pinny."
An Ida county, Iowa, woman,
eIghty-seyen years of age, raked forty
acres of wheat and oats during the
harvest. She raked and her daush-
ter bound
We've heard of secret which was
so big that it required all the women
In town to keep it, and then they
could not do so without the help of
their husbands.
81 am speaking" said long-wind-
ed orator, ''for the benefit of poster
ity." ''Yes," said one of his hearers,
'sand il you keep on much longer,
your audience will be here
Under the head of ''How we assist
the devil" religious paper says
"We consume millions of gallons Of
distilled spirits, yearly" The edito-
rial "we" in this case makes an awk
ward confession.
The last number of English Fur
represents America as introducing
Stanley to Britannia with affectionatt
pride and saying "Guess I've GO
direct claim on you now, sister"
s'Would you take the last cent
person has got for glass of sod;
water?' asked Kanaker youth
Yes" responded the unthinkine
proprietor; whereupon hopeful pulled
out the cent and got the drink.
Barmaid-"We never serve any
body who's had sufficient; you'v,
taken too much already" Thirst,
Customer-s.You 'xshcuse me
maram 1 may'ye had too mush (bic)
bu' haven't 'ad enough RI Punch
"When was Rome built?" aske.
a school committeeman of the frs
class in ancient history. I'm tn
night" answered a bright little girl
SIN the night exclaimed the as
tonished examiner. "How do yol
make that out?" "Wby, I though
ever, body knew that Rome WASH
built in day
What raygo,t of good thing