The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1873-04-02

An uusophisticated emigrant from
Queen Vic.'s little island, carpet-bag
in hand, came down to the river bank
at Poughkeepsie, N. Y, one bitter
cold day recently, and not being very
we'll posted about matters and things
generally in this "blasted" country,
asked innocently of some of the frolic-
some youths who were disporting them.
selves upon the CLASSY surface Of the
noble Hudson, if it would be safe for
him to attempt to cross the river.
Taking in the ingenious Britisher at
a glance, and seeing chance for some
fun at his expense, the young men as
sured him that there would be no dan
ger in his making the passage provid-
ed he would do so on "all fours," so as
to distribute his weight over as large
a surface as possible. Securing his
carpet-bag to his person, he got
down upen his hands and knees, and
undertook the perilous passage. When
about half way over he was overtaken
by heavy sleigh loaded with beer,
and drawn by four horses, and begin
ming to suspect that he had been sold,
he vsntured to assume an upright pos
ture, when he was greeted with cho.
rus of shouts from his tormentors, who
had been lowering in his rear all the
while, and hugely enjoying the awlI-
ward movements of their victim. He
subsequently learned that the ice was
about four feet thick, and would have
safely sustained an army.
Mr.. H., while overseeing his work
among his laborers, came up to Pat
who had droped his shovel, and seemed
to be in deep study, and says:
"Pat, what is wrong?"
Everything, Mr.. H., everything"
ais your family sick, or have you
lost any friends %
"Worse than that"
"Well, Pat, tell me what is the
trouble, and perhaps l can assist you
in some way"
"Well, Mr.. H., 1 had drame lasht
night, 1 drained 1 saw the pope.
He axked me would l be afiher hav-
ing toddy. l axked him would a
duck SWIM He axked me would l
be afther having it hot or cold?
said I'd be afther having it hot, and
while he was being afther the hot wa
ther, | woke up, and I've been think.
ing what fool / was l didn't take it
cold.
A Kansas schoolmaster having had
occasion to administer to one Of his
pupils the gentle chastisement which
forms an essential feature of western
education, the father of the culprit
paid vengeful visit to the academy
during recess, and-drecting his son
to lock the door on the out side
went for" the pedagogue with
chair, which he used in anything but
chary manner. The only thing the
poor teacher had TO defend himself
with was pen-knife with blade not
more than eight inches long, but with
this Insignificant weapon and the con-
sciousness of rectitude he was enabled
to go on with his afternoon classes as
soon as the pieces of his assailant had
been swept up and taken to the hos
pltal IN wheelbarrow.
A woman who for reasons didn't re-
side with her husband, in Hartford,
Conn, recently sent him a little sou.
venir to soothe his solitude. This to-
ken of affection is thus described {:
The box was divided by a partition
in the center, and contained three
pounds of gunpowder. The underside
OF the cover was spread with sand
paper, and bearing against it were
matches, so arranged that as the cover
should slide it would pull the matches
up with force and cause them to ig-
nite." This ainable casket was sus.
pected at once, and the matron's little
plan to become widow frustrated.
The Danbury News says: The
worst shocked man we have seen in
some time was citizen who made the
discovery, Friday, that the neighbor
from whom he had borrowed a paper
for the past four yers, had not paid
for it. He learned the facts from an
agent of the publisher, and he was
grieved. He said to US: ITO think
that ! should have been so imposed
upon at my time of life. tell you,
a man don't know whom to trust
these times. The world is full of cor.
ruptiOn, and deceit, and deviltry-
chock full of it,"
Some one shoveling snow from a
Main street building, on Thursday,
threw heavy quantity of it upon a
woman who was passing, and the
weight of it crushed her to the walk.
Her husband ran into the building,
mud I'M the stairs 70 fha rnnE .nLO