St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1873-07-11
Wit and Humor.

Because they have stock in trade.
If you want to know whether IL tree
Is hollow or not, AK it,
Can Il son he said to take after his
father when the father leaves nothing
to take
Why is a lovers heart like whale
Because ii is secreter (sea creaturO of
great signs.
All things are systematized nova
days. Even every milk-tran has its
cow-catcher.
Always examine an old plug hat he
fore you kick it, or it may cost YOU an
amputated toe.
When girl falls in love with an I'M
lucky lrishman, her heart always goes
pityPat.
why is minister near the end of his
sermon like ragged urchin Because
he's toward his close.
a Danbury bride received among her
wedding gifts "a receipted bill of eight
dollars for gate hinges from her father
Why is lover popping the question
like tailor running hot iron over
suit of clathes Because he is pressing
Il suit.
Bridget Maloney: Mother Murphy.
Will You have an onion ?" Mother
Murphy: NO, ma'am, thank We;
don't care for fruit"
Somebody inGuiring at the Spring
held, ILL.,, postOifice for Il letter for
Mike Howe, received the gruff answer
that there was no letter there for any
body's COW.
\ little boy in Dover refusing to take
ii pill. his mother placed it in piece of
preserved pear and gave it to him. In
a few minutes she said: tom, have
you eaten the pear" He said, "Yes,
mother, all but the seed
As rich and pretentious shoddyite
was looking at some paintings which
he purpoSed to buy, the dealer pointed
to fine one, and said There is
dog after Landseer." ''Is it, really" ex-
claimed the pretender "What is the
dog after him for ?"
An Irishman was summoned for re-
tusing to pay a doctors bill, when he
was asked why he refused to pay.
Nv hat for should pay ?" said Paddy.
Sure he didn't give me anything but
some emetics. and the niver a one could
keep on my stomach at all, at all"
Jenny said a Scotch minister
STOPPING from his pulpit, ''have you
pin about ye p
''Ges, minister"
Then stick it into that sleeping
brute by your side"
The most appalling case of deafness
that we ever came across outside of an
asylum was that of an old lady who
lives just across the street from the
navy:yard. The other day they fired a
salute of twenty-one guns. The old
lady was observed to start and listen
as the last gun was fired, and then ex-
claimed, Come i'll ~
y man whom DR.. Chambers engaged
to manage disorderly Sunday-school
Kept his eyes wide open during Drayinr.
and when one boy thrust 4 ppin into
another, he marched up the aisle, still
praying, and cuffed that boys ears.
and went back again praying all the
way. After that he was master of the
situation. for the boys thought that Il
man who could watch and pray like
that could not be put down.
Since the postal cards were introduc-
ed. the postmistresses are not getting an
average of more than three hours sleep
Il day.
a Portland man who was caught fish
ing for trout on another mans land the
other day, completely silenced the own
er, who demonstrated. with the majestic
answer,-"Who wants to catch your
front am only trying to drown this
worm."
a Madison farmer has the curious Sill
perStition that hens should be trained
to rooSt with their heads to the north,
Ill order to make them lay eggs hounti-
fully. Acting upon this idea. he inva-
rbly visits his henery every night, aud
if he finds that any biddy, through for
gettulneSs or spirit of contrariness,
has placed herself upon the roost con
trary to the above rule, she is immedi-
ately righted.
A colored gentleman of Nashville
sent his son out with a double
shotgun the other night, to do sentry
duty among his cherry trees, and
shortly after stole quietly out to see if
he was at his post. He passed the boy
without seeing him and was wander
ing around among the trees, when the
bang of Il gun and a stinging sensation
III his broadeSt part convinced him
that the young man was there. He
stands up to eat his meals now, and
amuscs himself by digging lead out of
his person.
a CALIFoRNIA BOYS VIEWS on
SPELLING.-Thcre is a boy in one of
our schools who wears a green velvet
suit which is broken out with bcIl-but-
tons. There is great change in the
hoy since he comrnencnd to ,r,, b, .,l,ol
several months ago. He was then but
tllf1e hetter than an untutOred savage,
although we frankly confess that we
don't know what an untutored savage
is. His first experience in school was
spelling lesson. While the class was
going through the exercise, he sat on
the platform near the teacher,,,and lock
ed his hands across his kEces, and
watched the class very intently. The
first was: Ransom. "By graciousr'
said he, drawing his teeth hard. The
teacher gave him reproving look, and
went on: Multiply. "Thunder and
lightning what word - he cried in a
storm of delight. Again the teacher
nailed him with look, and proceeded
Oscillation. At this he raised himself
up to his feet and shrieked out in
perfect frenzy of ecstasy, "By godeys.
gentlemen, just shove your teeth into
that ~ This broke up the lesson
San Francisco Figaro
In thee summer nights when feline
nelghhors give gratuitOus screnades,
their concerts should not pass by unap-
preciatcd but should receive the custO-
mary tribute of bouquets. If no bout