The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-07-26
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
In Chicago red-haired girls called fire bellies.
The song Of the tobacco chewer-Salivation, o
Salvation
\ New Orleans paper has made horrible
April fool joke on the distorted and terribly
beaten body Of B. Russ Elsearpette.
Whenever reporter finds policeman asleep
he considers il piece of legitimate police snoOze
and prints it accordingly
\ Cincinnati man. who Is going 90 get married
in September, sits around boiler shops, so ~ to
get his ears trained to it.
MUsT HAVE HAD.-It IL suggested that Poe's
bird must have had the deirium tremens, rs nc
was n raven on n bust.
An Indiana woman has recovered $50 damages
from n bar-keeper, for the aggregate Of - time
lost y by her husband in imbibing liquors
An Illinois girl, having six lovers, offered TO
marry the One-vhO should - break up - the most
prairie in three days. The result was that she
got husband, and her father found his
new farm ready for planting free of cost
James Russell Lowell suggests that Noah
should be canOnized as the patron saint of news
paper correspondents, - being the only man who
ever had the very latest authentic information
from everywhere.
The following ad." appeared in Il recent
London paper WASTED-An American-WhO
can make a speech in England without saying
anything about Americans being of the same race
that produced Shakespeare.
"a Next to old Bourbon whisky, - says Chicago
paper, - the thing that Kentuckian is proudest
of is that ne is a Kentuckian." - This is
true" says the COurier-JOlrTal: 80 kentuck-
an's chief pride is that he is not a Chicagoian."
Here is a graphic description of fishing ex-
&C., HolE
day of fishing. Returned late at night, having
walked thirteen miles, lost 4 Els watch, sprained
my thumb, spoiled a thirty shilling PAIR of trow-
sers by sitting down on my luncheon, and caught
\ one-ounce roach"
man out West who married Il widow, has
invented device TO cure her of 80 eteTnally ="
praising her former husband. Whenever she be-
gins to descant on his noble qualities, this Inge
niOus number two merely says - Poor, dear
man How L wish he had not died - and the
lady Immediately begins to think of something
else to talk about.
At the session Of the Unitarian Conference,
the other week, Mrs. Julia Ward Howe asked why
reference was constantly made to the 40 brethren,
never 10 the sisters" The Rev. Robert Laird
Collier replied that he would answer the same as
"A Methodist parson did to 4 similar question
- The reason Is because the gentlemen embrace
the ladies'
Take a couple of young partridges and pot
them down, and serve up with right kind OF a
chorus and they beat the ham sandwich you
buy on the Camden and AmbOy Railroad sd per
cent | have eat these lamentabel Nh Jersey
liam sandwich, and must say that l prefer a
couple Of bass-wOod chips, soaked in mustard
water, and stuck together with Spaulding's glue. "
This pleasing though slightly personal allusion
TO Congressman Havens Of the Sixth Missouri
- av4r.w.g % wIUuN
state
Havens Congressman
Havens thiefi
The people called TO Hayens.
The People said to Haveus.
It isuit cheek lack.
It is related Of Arnauld. the .Jausenist that he
wished his friend Nicole to assist him IN new
work Nicole replied .. We are now old; Is
n NOT time 10 rest?f' - Rest i" q" exclaimed Ar
nauId. have we not all eternity 10 rest in? '
DR. Samuel Miller saws - There IS doubt
that the premature dotage Of many distinguished
men has arisen from their ceasing, IN advanced
life, to exert their faculties, under the impression
that they were too old to engage in any new en-
terprise of industry
A farmer and his wife called at a Detroit pho
tograph gallery recently 70 order some photo
graphs of her, and while the operator was getting
ready the husband gave the wife little advice as
to how she must act - Fasten your mind on
something he said, - or else you will laugh
and spile the job. Think about early days, how
YOUR father got in Jail, and your mother was an
old scolder, and what you'd have been If hadn {
pitied you, Jest fasten your mind on TO that .
She didn't have any photographs taken Neither
will he for some time
4 Kentucky paper has discovered another OF
those fearful family complications, and tells tie
story thus: 'sJohn w Daniels married the
daughter of Mrs. Sarah +. Bravard; afterward
r. S. Daniels, the nephew of John, married n
sister to Johns wife. 1t is very easy TO see that
John is son and son-in-law of b. S. Daniels, and
that James w. is grandson and son-Iu-law OF the
old man and brother-in-law and nephew of John,
etc., and John now desires to know, through the
columns Of the local newspaper, what relation
the children oi these three sets Of parents are 70