Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-05-17
MISCELLANEOUS PARAGRAPHS.

The child who cried for an hour didn't
get it.
III miss is as good as mile, how much
better is Mrs.
WOMEN can now be elected school off,
GERS in Illinois.
A TRUE American is too proud to beg
and too honest to steal. He gets trusted.
WHY is it necessary to mention that the
victims of suspended animation were
swell brought up?''
A LOCAL paper in Iowa records the ac-
cidental shooting of doctor, and has
"strong fears of his recovery
The Memphis Avalanche saws this
years cotton planting in the Southern
States will be the most extensive since the
war.
A TERRE HAUTE man has a fine collec-
ton Of walking canes, which have been
thrown at an illnatured dog in his front
yard.
ENGLIsHMEN look upon all other people
as foreigners, and firmly believe that they
will meet none of them In the other world
which is good for the foreigners.
YOU'VE lady (who is tired of his COM
panyl: You amt bit nervous are you,
MIR. Poet? All my gentlemen acquaint-
dhCCs oldtt WHICH, IL stTikcS tWclNt.
"I'M so thirsty" said boy at work in
the corn field. swell, work away" said
his industrious father. "You know the
prophet says: Hoe, every one that thirst
eth.'"
.MURDER is very serious thing, sir.''
said judge to convicted prisoner. ''It
is next to stealing horse or a mule, sir,
and | shall send you to the State prison
for six years, SIR"
AT spirit meeting the other night a
gentleman requested the medium to ask
what amusements were most popular In
the spirit world. The reply was, F" Read
ing of obituary notices."
ONE can give an approximate guess at
the immensity of the coming wheat crop
producers are negotiating for fifteen mil
lion sacks to hold 1t.
AN Alabama paper says Of recently
has already shown his devotion to the
State by nine years. gratuitOus service i'm
the State penitentiary.
JUST now that we are getting ready for
our new postal plaything, from which we
expect so much, it is instructive to come
across in the English papers so often an
item headed "The Postal Card Nuisance"
A MAN who has red-headed sweet
heart addressed her as "Sweet Auburn,
loveliest of the plain" Sweet Auburn
got mad about it. She objected to being
classed among the "plain,n even though
called the loveliest Of them.
A KINGS fool who was condemned to
die, was allowed to choose the form of
death, and chose old age. An Iowa girl,
being asked what form of death she pre-
ferred, remarked that IL she must die she
preferred to be smOthered-with kisses.
A WORCESTER, Mass, gentleman, who
locked his combination safe on the word
6 bean," was surprised when he gave his
clerk the word that he was unable to lock
it, until he accidentally discovered that his
employer habitually spelled it "bene.".
THE Massachusetts Solons purpose to
regulate the sale Of 'hen fruit" by legisla-
tiOn-that Is, to have eggs sold by weight
instead of by the dozen. 1t is a sort of
contest between Shanghae and Bantam
between the barn yard heavy and light
weights.
PUNCH thinks that If young lady
wants to keep her hands free from chaps,
all she has to do is to dress In the present
fashion, and let it be known that she has
no money. Chaps, especially If they be
sensible chaps, will then let her hand
alone very severely.
WHILE the civilized world was feeling
the full shock of the wreck of the At
lantic, and the bodies of the dead still lay
frozen on the beach, man in Toronto
sent the following unique dispatch to
Capt. Williams ''This Is the best market
for sale of damaged goods. Let me hear
from yOu."
AN attempt Is shortly to be made to
cross the Pacific, from San Francisco to
Japan, in small sloop thirty feet long.
She is named the Dolphin, and will carry
crew of three men, In addition to her
captain. The object is to hunt sea otter,
which are stated to be very plentiful on
the Japanese coast.
GONG up and down in hotel elevators
is considered by physicians to be bene-
ficial exercise in some nervous disorders.
An old lady, whose physician pre-
scribed the elevator for her without
any. special explanation, has taken the
advice literally, and now makes herself
frantic every day with brandy and soda
water.
1T lily becomes the Pacific slope to try
to claim all the rare and delightful fruits
of the earth, and the equally pleasant pro-
ductions of the sea and yet we see that
without hesitancy it claims to dig up on
its beaches clans that weigh from one
pound to pound and half. OF course
they are not good, anyhow, and think
what ungainly chowder they would
make
INSUFFICIENT REAsoN.-In an English
church, recently, after the publication of
the bans of marriage by the minister, a
grave elder, in stentorian voice, forbade
the bans between certain couple. On
being called upon for an explanation, 81
had" he said, pointing to the intended
bride-"I had intended Hannah for my
self" His reason was not considered suf-
ficient.
THERE is good opening for carpenters
desirous of high wages In the Island of
Tahiti, most of the houses of which are
made of wood, which, because of the
scarcity of carpenters, is hewn in and i'm
ported from California, ready to be set up.
The island abounds in valuable woods for
the utilization of which only workmen are
required; so if anybody wishes to strike
for more work here is his chance.