The Daily state journal. [volume] (Alexandria, Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-07-26
HUMOROUS.

What goes most against farmers
grain? sreaping machine.
The largest glass of beer served in
New York is now called a "policeman's
pony"
sob for some lodge in a vast wilder.
ness.o Kansas Odd Fellows boast of l06
of them. Grid Ela
ga Pair Of Blue Eyes, is anovel just
published in England, written by Mr..
Thomas Hardy.
"A young man at Vcrmillion, lad, who
shot young lady for fun has settled by the
payment of $500. r-t -.
"A Memphis paper says, ''that lager
beer drinking Germans have entirely escap-
ed the cholera in that city," i6l..J l..s
To make girl love you coax her to
love somebody else. Ii there is anything a
girl relshes, it is to be contrary.
The "Lord" Massey who has been ere.
ating a sensation at Cape May turns out to
be the mate of Liverpool steamer.
A Danbury bride received among her
wedding gifts, receipted bill of eight
dollars for gate hinges from her father.
A Western editor keeps comfortable
during the hot weather by getting up a
GOODNESS between himself and his neigh
bors.
-"What's the date Of your hustle ?''
was what an anxious papa asked his well
dressed daughter, after searching for the
latest copy of his paper.
An Alabama firm announces that, on
account of cholera, they will close their
soda-stand and redeem all tickets with a
"very reliable cholera MIXTURE"
A warm spring on the bank of lake,
which was glowingly described by Peoria
reporter, proved to be the mouth Of o
waste pipe from a neighboring brewery.
"A burglar who was sentenced the
other day at Maidstone (England) assizes to
seven years penal servitude offered to toss
the bench whether it should be fourteen
years or nothing.
An Illinois widow met bachelor for
the first time, married him, asked him for
fifteen dollars to buy sewing machine
with, was refused, and left him-all within
twenty-four hours.
After asking your name in the state o.
Arkansas, the natives are in the habit OIL
further inquiring, in a confidential tone,
swell. now, what was your name afore
you moved to these parts ~
1t is estimated that the recent college
commandments have turned out one thou.
sand new preachers, which, as a compa
mon to the pin mystery, suggests the ques.
ton, where do all the preachers go?
The Louisville council, having an eye
to their own comfort, have passed an ordi-
nance providing that when policeman
finds q man drunk on the street he shall
take him home instead of locking him up
"A recent visitor to one of the islands
on the coast of Maine discovered school
of forty scholars, all of whom were grand
children of one man. He was put dowr
as the most extensive grandfather in the
state.
The New York World says that con
vention of young men who part their han
in the middle is shortly to be organized fol
the consideration of the question as Il
whether they have no rights that are to b.
respected.
A certain little damsel having been az
gravated beyond endurance by her brother
pumped down on her knees and cried
'Oh, Lord bless my brother Tom. ii
lies, he steals, he swears; all boys do; u
girls don't. Amen.
An Irish damsel having lost an umbrel
advertised its return in this style: eff tn
gentleman who keeps shoe store with
red head, will return the umbrella of
Young lady with the ivory handle, he Wi
hear Of something to her advantage.
Robert Kemp ordered the following
lines to be placed on the tombstone of hi
beloved partner:
llF She once was mine, lt
But now, oh Lord,
her to Thee resign, z
and remain Your obedient, humble servant
Robert Kemp. . at4f
The following pathetic lines are sup
posed to have emenated from the obituar
genius of the Philadelphia Ledger:
1.-THE death-angel smoie Alexander McGilue,
And gave him protracted repose;
He wore a che clsed shirt and a number nine shoe
And he had pink wart on his nose. li3I
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
Over there on the evergreen Shore
His friend are informed that his funeral take
place t
Precisely at quarter past fonri"
MRS. EN-. THAYER, THE ACTRESS
Mrs. L. N. Thayer, the celebrated actress
who died at Atlantic City, N. j. in Ii
80th year of her age, on Tuesday las
1uau horn of Teioumnuth navonehirp Enl