The weekly Shasta courier., 1873-10-25
WIT AND HUMOR.

/ "My dear DOCTOR said an lrishman,
"it's no use your giving me an emetlc.
l tried it twice in Dublin, and it would
not stay on my stomach five minutes.
When young lady gets letter she
carries it in her hand, but couple ol
pounds of sausage she manages to
squeeze into her pocket.
A fascinating young lady, at one oi
the resorts, on being asked recently il
she had ever read Shakespeare, tossed
her pretty head with the answer,
"Shakspeares Of course l have;
read that when it first came out"
Mark Twain, few months after his
first baby was born, was holding it on
his knee His wife said, "Now, con-
fess, Samuel, that you love the child'
81 can't do that he replied, "but
am willing to admit respect the little
| thing for its father sake
A copper speculator fell asleep in
church, from which he was awakened
by the pastors reading: "Surely there
is vein for silver and place for gold
where they fine it" Jumping to his feet
he shook his book at the minister, cry
ing, "Tll take five hundred shares"
A school committee in Illinois brought
charges the other day against one of the
local teachers, the specifications of
which are as follows: 81. Immortality;
2. Parshality; 3. Keeping disordly schoal;
4. Carrying unlafe weepings." The
man who wrote this charge intends to
keep the ''schoal' himself next session.
One of the young officers at the lava
beds received letter from the girl he
left behind him, which contained this
tender paragraph:-"And if anything
should happen to you, do make some
arrangements to have your hair recover
ed and sent on. 1t is the exact color of
mine, and 1 can't get pair OF curls of
The right shade anywhere"
The following queer advertisement is
from the London Times: KANGAROO.
ANY portion of the leopard or the
boar would do, or part of the pig, but
abstain from the leopard's heart and
the parts next to it for the caudle will
not be out then. The lion is too saw
age to be tanned. Don't forget the ba-
boon's biscuits"
One of the fruit dealers of Portland
caught an urchin stealing nuts, and
proceeded to execute condign punish
ment The boy begged to be released,
because he had just been vaccinated
from fresh COW. "What has that to
do with it," shouted the infuriated
fruit dealer. "She was a hooking COW
and got it into my blood" was the
whimpering reply.
There is livery stable keeper who
won't let his horses to anybody without
exacting a promise that che will drive
slow" One day youth, who wanted
to 60 to funeral, applied to the livery
man for horse. "My friend, you can
have one ifyou will agree to drive slow. -
"Well, see here, I'm going to fune-
raj, and I'm bound to keep up with the
procession if it kills the horse
A dweller upon Kansas prairie plains,
who is evidently in good condition of
body, recounts, for the benefit of unfor-
tunate residents in more eastern sections
of the country, the delicacies upon which
he and his wife-not to mention the ba-
by subsisted for a week, at a grand
total expense of Sl.923. At the risk of
arousing envious feelings, we mention
briefly the articles consumed each day:
Monday - venison-steaks, tomatoes,
brown bread, coffee, milk, omelet, tea,
white bread; Iuesday-rabbit, bread,
coffee, quails, potatoes, onions; Wednes-
day-roasted beaver, coffee, prairie
chickens, potatoes, bread, tea; Thurs
day-rabbit, bread, coffee, quails, tea,
potatoes, onions, eggs, pudding; Friday
-venison, with grape jelly, bread, cof-
fee, beaver-tail soup, ETC.; Saturday.
omelet, coffee, bread, prairie chickens.
apple-pie; Sunday-eggs, onions, cof-
fee, bread and toast. 1t should be men,
toned that there was no lack of butter
or milk on any day. Also, it should
be stated that the cost of the game is
reckoned by the expenditure of powder
and shot necessary to obtain it, while
eggs, butter, ETC., are reckoned at
"store' prices. We expect there will
be rush for Kansas Immediately.