The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-11-21
EMPORIA NEWS.
MISCELLANEOUS

An Illinois lawyer advcrtises for
the chairs of Rebecca Long"
Hash is said to be the connect
ing link between the animal and
vegetable kingdoms.
An elderly lady, endeavoring to
post n letter in q hydrant, is q
spectacle to make an oyster weep.
The San Bernardino, Cal. Guar
dian reports the capture of two
headed snake in that vicinity.
A flash of lightning went |
through the Erie, Pa, Dispatch |
Office on the shafting and knocked |
the "devir" down the cellar.
There is a man in Indiana who
is now living in the house with |
his fifth wife, seventeen children
and three mothers-in-law. And
still is not happy.
An Irishman having been told
that the price of bread had been
lowered, exclaimed: "This is the
first time ever rejoiced at the fall
of my best friend.'
Lightning saws" are announc.
ed by some dealers in hardware.
That people see lightning during
a thunder storm is plain enough,
but why they should saw light
ming is a problem.
The girl OF this age is unfit to
be wed, who don't understand how
to make nice sweet bread. And
the man is n Ounce, who a partner
will take, who don't understand
cooking coffee and steak.
The story that n Connecticut
father had offered $4,000 to any
one who would marry his cross
eyed daughter, brought about eight
hundred strangers into the town
in about one week.
us that clean butter?'' asked a
grocer of q boy who had brought
u quantity to market. at ought
to be-" was the reply; "Marm was
more than two hours picking the
hairs from it last night"
When n Christian man finds the
times too hard to give dollar to
religious purposes and spends So
next day for n gallon of brandy,
you can just bet your last nickel
that the devil is satisfied with the
canvass.
as your house warm enough in
cold weather." inquired an anx-
ious father of q newly married son.
My mother-in-law makes 1t plen-
ty warm enough for me, but ]
guess Mary Jane and the baby
SILVER some" replied the happy
hoy.
"Why," asked governess OF
her little charge, edo we pray God
to give us our daily bread? Why
don't we ask for four days, or five
days, or n weekT' 1--WE want il
fresh," replied the ingenious
child.
The editor oft Minnesota paper
has buffalo robe which was once
tho property of the Sioux chief
Son of the Sun, whereon are pic
tured all his battles, his scalps anC
other trophies. He is going t.
use it as means to frighten de
linquent subscribers.
Chicago wants to have the mex
worlds fair held there. "In the
first place." says the Boston Post
"it isn't certain that the mex
world will have fair, and in thu
second place those who'd be likely
to attend it will prefer q more pi
Gus town in which to celebrate"
A John Bull, conversing with al
Indian, asked him if he knew tn,
sun never sets on the queens do
minions. mo-" said the Indian
"Do You know the reason why?'
asked John. because God il
afraid to trust an Englishman il
the dark" was the savage's reply
A negro in Boston complained
at police station that q brothe
colored man had broke q chair al
to splinters over his head. Beinl
told there was no marks on hi
Uranium, he said: "No! didn'
make no marks, but o smashed d.
char all ter pieces, and de cha
belonged ter me-"
A patient who called upon .
. spiritual medium in an Illinois
town the other day, for advic,
about the rheumatism, was some
what startled on being told tina
the disease would soon leave hi
left leg-startled because tina
happened to be n patent amy
leg presented to him by n crate
full country.
The worst case that has come
to our knowledge is that of n st
Louis editor He describes "th'
celestial apparition" witnessed
from that city last Friday as
blooming forth in the shape of {
huge fish with mouth open ant
fins spread, as if swimming in :
dense medium" He must have
'cm awfully.-Chicago Post.
The editor of the Cleveland
LculcI OEOuSuI HIS WIG uIiu GU
ven children-all boys and girls
to "Eli Perkins," lecture, on free
tickets, and then went home anC
deliberately wrote and punctuatet
the following: "a poor man fel
over the gallery last night while
"Eli Perkins was lecturing in :
bcastly state of intoXication."
The postmastcr-geAeral of Mad
ras, India, has very mean esti
nation of linguistic talent. H
advertises for a clerk who cal
read, write and speak English
HindustaD, Arabic, Bohra, Gaze
rati, and Mahratti, and all 70
fourteen dollars a month. Blu
the paragraph shows that, if he i
mean, he has learned one goot
thing, show to advertise"
SERMONS ON THE PANIC.-A fel
low -"down East" who has beer
watching the preachers for the las
few weeks, declares that 39,S75 o
the 10000 ministers in the Unitet
States, have preached sermons oil