, 1873-06-08
HUMQR.
HUMOR.
The notes Of = gas company are usually all set
to fha aane- matte - Nes


HUMoR.
me notes OF gas company are usually all sc
to the same metre. ~
"A good sermon is like kiss-it reouirea I'm,
two heads and An application.
One Of the best directions to follow for a,,,.
cess in society is this: "Tak to the yonno
ladies' and listen when the old ones talk to Won.
a young husband calls his wife "Birdie. +,
because; he says, abe is always associated in bis
"A schoolmaster, on being asked unas was
meant by the word "fortifcation," answerad
Two twentideations make fortifcation.'
4 -Boks, tumbled downstairs the other dav.
ana that wretch BeV1ns said that it WAS bstt5r
PROOF OF the descent Of man thnn any Darwin
had given. ' 1>'<""
-" I'm not getting married ss much a. NJ. ,.
u the latest way OF saying 'No" to an impas-
What is the difference between ten.nt .nf,
the son Of widow7 The one has to paY ren.s a.Is>
the other has not two parents.
-Ihe latest instance af1ordsd by q ssfonf1
mother OF her sons cleyarness is said sons cor
recting her for saying he was all over dit. Ha
sa1d the dirt Was all over him.
1t Is remarkable fact that, although COM
mon sheep delight in verdant helds, Religious
Hocks are not anxious for green pastors.
--spicer thinks q lighthouse would he tha haaa
place TO store cheese in, because it is Uarnino
| to shippers. '''1A1a
To make i, good soup-About 50 centa.
night makes q good supe at most OF the theatres
- fntaburgh Coroner makes no charge
| where ne sits on young man who parted his
| har IN the middle. Ho says that hia personal
satisfaction Is enough, without the Ire.
| Potatoes are to be raised at the frnntiar
army posts, to give a-meNer-ration to the SOL
| diers' fare. e'A~
-FIshes' eyes have been found to make f1ne
quality OF gluten. This is what enables then1 to
fasten their gaze upon an object.
There is = young Lady in Yorkshire, named
there are Some women above price. We doni
believe it.
a spiritual joke hss been made. Il ia that
Poe's bird must have had an attack OF the de-
hrum tremens, because it WAS ragin on bust.
An uptown young lad5, speaking Of one OF
her averaions said the severest thing on record:
stinct."
Mrs. James Boggs, Of Washington, Ind,
has young son who measures feet inches
one way and Is years the other. The glory OF
that woman ia in her heir.
A grocer asked an artist " Is sculpture
difficult ?" Tho artist replied: why bIosa
you, no. You have only to take block OF mar
BILE and . chisel, and knock of ali the marble
you don't want"
To drive away Ants-H they ere married
annts, borrow some money from their husbands
II they are single, Let em take care OF the babv
Tor the afternooa, while your wife Roea to nat
inee, :.
"A friend Of ours ia in dilemma. ha sara
bis JEance objects to his beng " loose. and vet
threatens to discard him it abe ever sees lin
tight" 49, 1&@N1@
Edmund. hunger, in speaking Of the time
when he vas boy, says it Was the custom OF
scnooi chlldren as you passed school-houee to
make bow, but IN these latter days, az you pess
= aeonool-nouse,' you must'keep your eye pseled,
head. b - "AA s'' 'f'cAo"' 81 Inc S'oe OF your
sE1F-aAcRu1c-Boy Ito lady visItor)-
"Teacher, there's gal over there wiaRin' at
me T." - Teaoher5'' Well, them. don't look at
wink At somebody else." .'-..
"A saucy young widow ont West said to a
clerical friend who aaked her, condolngly, hog
long her "lamented" had been dead, II am in
the honeymoon Of my widowhood" That widow
will be boasting some day about celebrating
golden funeral
"A metropolitan seeker after rural retreat
Tor hia family for the summer, advertises for
place '"Where there are no good-looking girls
[or twenty miles, an acc0unt Of subscribers
oldest son."
The ladias Of the harem Of the King Of Siam
have put oil the siamese harem costume, and
1onned the European harem-scarem costume,
:onslst1ng Of chignons, high-heeled CATERS, and
PACK 81 flies M OF newspapers.
se1 sIss % 1n' the nRnf 2o3a
ives me living, anyhow" To which jim re-
70 id il you amt too lazy to collect it I"
-AFrench author, who ia engaged in getting
p book on Americans, has bean boring Jonea,
. death for information. The other day ho
ankee Vimmen and ze Southern vim1nen p
III tell you, !" snorted Jones'. "if you WON'T
other me sgain. A Yankee woman loves her
usband, children, and minister about tie same.
I'D lives On Goldfish and pumpkin pie. South
n woman haa feet to small to walk On. and
ears shoes too small for her feet."- Washiaq-
n CAPITAL
On Sunday afternoon :ery good-lookine
'ung lady entered very crowded horse-car.
Troy, N. T., and looked in vain for some gall
ut young man to offer her q seat. One verv
9ty gentleman, With nothing but his knees,
sible when he sits down, called out
!. bis Tn snaea .nd look 2sn;ef Of sgust she
u haven't got lap." The laugh was on the
rtiy gentleman, who decided to keep still il
An old gentleman vent one day with hin Gun
,aEs sho9s ft.p parsndges, accompanied By his son.
pected to and the birds, the gun was sd charged
th sewers load !; and whan at last The old
ntlennan discovered one Of the birds, he took
eat and blazed away, expecting to aee tho
me 7an OF cou1se but not 10 did it happen,
the gun kicked with SO muck fozce Is ia
ook him over. The old man go: up, and, while
bling the sparks out Of his eyes, inquired Of
m son, .Alphy = diS point the right end Of
"A fevengeful traveller Oh a certain raIIto.d
this State packed carpet-bag full Of loaded
folvers, and handed it to .. gentlemanly bag
3e-smasher. who had ruined three or four
INKS for him already. The smaaher flung
bag up against the wall saTagely, and then
ew it on the floor and stamped On It. and
nped up and down on it, as usual. At nbonh
fourth jump firing began along the Yhois
T. korty-siI revolFers went OIL in raEid gnc.
aon, distributing bullets around the car Will,
susttng careleeaness Of the legs Of tha smaea
in v T11nn 1.t