The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1873-07-31

Rocks "a where he ksepted enc, and he pub
sishef, \ r,ooi fiealu trash even then. tJlSs.
Hsin 10 disagree with him on 80 short an
aKwantauce, sed, !" Yes, think you DO,
But close for these presents.
Yours, BILL ARP.
Ehe Old Woman I Met at Baden.
Howard Panl III the American Register, Parisl
i can distinctly remember when ] first wit.
messed Sheridan s. comedy /" The Rivals z; OF
thinking thatth character of Mrs. Malaprcp
must lie an amusing exagseration. When l
read Mrs. PartiDgton's sayings j thought
them grotesdue but overdone; and although
Ilroared with laughter at Skeschley's 9 MRS;
Brown Mt the Play" ] conceived the old
lady to be born Of the brain OF the Iace-
thus raconteur. ] wot me OF ia9y III
London about whom many violent dis,o-
cations OF syllables are related, ana VINO
is said TO have boosted that sne nao
spinal staircase under her establishment,
but when ! met this lady touna lha1 sue
not only spoke excellent English, put was
shrewd woman of business Witnai, anu tnete-
fore concluded that some Of tue mad Wags
&c the & Junior Garrick !" or /" Savage" clubs
adopted this lady out of quaint sort or al
lection as q peg to hang Their JOKES upon.
But recently, at Baden-Baden / met an
American female q can't call, her a adyl
who out-malapropped the most harrington O },
Sir. Browns. She was from out VEST,
and lived at Milwaukee when she was at
home. She had been left a widow, her nus
band having been a farmer, and was now on
her first tour on the continent. She was
literally phenomenon OF ignorance
aud miseonception, and II ever the say
ling that ga little learning is dangerous
Isthing" received exemplitication 1t did IN
This case. She sat next to me at the taote
,Thoie at the hotel, and after the fashion OF
ISneishbors at the Continental dinners we ieil
Iinto conversation. Her appearance had az
tracted my attention. She was large, yer
low-faced woman, with hair the color OF
mahogany, and the front of her ample soWh
literally dotted all over with bold, shlnlpg,
Palace. Royal-looking jewelry. IL seemed 10
start from her chin and extend I'D gnlter-
ing, unbroken line down to her very Toes.
One of the walters spoke OF her 10 MS DO ,,
ther-kelner as the "old pig IN arnor."
At dinner she turned to me and SAID:
"You'll excuse me, bat how DO you nave
YOUR letters addressed?"
"Oh, simply to the Hotel Royal (where
was stayipg).
"That's good idea," pursued she.
didn't know the name Of no hotels here, so
a neighbor OF mine who had once been IN
Europe told me it would be a good plan to
have all of mine sent to the post restaurant,
and can't find no such restaurant in town.
took a carriage yesterday and looked for II
everywhere" -,.
1t was simply duty to instruct her that
she should apply to the poste i'estdnte.
eff you do not speak French" l asked.
show do you make yourself understood
when you are sightseeing"
Z" Lord bless you, no French for me;
understand none OF these furrin' tongues,
not I-English is as much as can manage.
I hire an s1aterrupter wherever go--ever
since i left EngIand,a at least. Now, london
is sensible place to visit, if it's only Tor that
reason they do speak English there, ana
that's comfort, if it is foggy."
found that the old dame had just re-
turned from Italy, and it was astounding to
hear her mix up places and things and peo-
pie. 1t required but little gentle encuur-
agemept to loosen her tongue.
"Did you like Milan - l inquired.
otis elegant =.
"Aud the pictures, the art treasures of
sunny Italy, are they not delightful = l
asked with an afiectation of enthusiasm.
"They're splendid" said she. "wbere
they're not too old They showed me lot
of broken bits of things in Rome that
couldn't make head nor tail OLA body here,
a leg there, an arm somewhere else; it
looked to ME mere rubbage, that did, but
the pictures were very nice. | liked Ra-
pbaePs marriage with the Virgin, but |
Didn't think much of the Last SUPPER as
they showed me at Milan. How they can
call that masterpiece can't think, for Eve
seen public-house signs in Ameriky that lad
much richer coloring into them than that.
One Of the Apostles only had one leg, and
I'm sure that amt no good drawln', not that
know much of paiutin', dear knows"
Ibid YOU stop ut Floreuce?" asked.
"Ob, yes and went to the Pity Palace,
and saw the picters there, too"
"Did YOU see Venus, by Titan? There's
a work !" boldly asserted.
ayes, there is work, aud she ought to be
ashamed Of herself"
ASHAMED of herself, lcho-Venus? Why,
you wouldn't have her dressed or draped
would you You'd ruin the classic beauty.
Think of Art"
"Think of decency! I say again she
ought to be ashamed of herself. l don't
mean Venus, for 'spose it's the regular
thing for her to be undressed; but Titlens
ought to remember she's lady, and looked
upon as SIGH in London. pye heard her
sing"
''Heard her sing; who?" I asked in
&T
"Why, Titiens; and how she could waste
her time paintin' one Of her own sex lay
ing off on sofa like that can't think. IL
tiens's Venus may be a great work, but Of
my part prefer her Norma"
It's evident that the coincidence OF sound
in the popular pronunciation Of the two
names had utterly misled this astonishing
old creature, and as l left the table and gave
her parting glance Twas reminded of that
other old dame of that, convenient locality
known as I" out West" who once wrote to
her son not to getinto the ''pernicious habit
of visiting. sbilious-rooms and bowel-alleys,
as SIGH wicked places led to the shadder OF
the value of death" which was quite as per-
yerted q state of ideas as Mrs. Darlington
when she returned from Naples, and would
insist on always talking of a s. corruption Of
Mount Nociferous."
How TO MAKE RAIsINs-For making
rais!ns they wait until the grape is fully
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