Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-16
seldum konfident. They hay learnt tew

seldum konfident They hav learnt tew
fear treachery by studying their own ma
turs.
They are alwuz bizzy, but like the hor-
net, want heap Nv sharp watching.
The sharp man liz alwuz vain one
He prides himself upon his cunning, and
had rather do a shrewd thing than a kind
one.
THE LAZY MAN.
Next tew the weak man the lazy man IL
the wust one ] kno ov, without necessari-
ly being vicious one.
He liz too indolent tew praktiss hiZ vir-
tews, if he haz got emmy, and therefore il
konstantly open tew vice, witch is hail
brother tew laZyness.
1t IL hard work tew phind lazyness and
virtew MKT, but there IL stitch thing.
Incidence liz one ov the wust mildews
kno ov-it IL the CRATE leak that haz let
thousands ov men drizZle away.
Lazyness il not positively a crime, but
they look and akt wonderfully alike.
LaZyness IL not ornamental even tew an
old man, but teW q young one it IL shin
ing disgrase.
hav seen lazy men that thought waZ
innocent, but never felt like warrent-
ing one Of them for more than 80 daZe
THE NERVOUS MAN.
One of the most unkumiOrtabel krltters
in this world il the nervous man. He dis
counts all hiz griefs, and suffers more
from trubbes that do cum.
Hiz ears are like rabbits, always on
end for sum disaster, and hiZ nostrils are
like the asses, snuffiing misfortune out ov
the east wind
He steps az though he waz walking on
eggs, and lays down like kat in frunt
ov a rat hole, reddy for a spring.
Theze poor phellows suffer without
sympathy, and enjoy without satisfacshun
The nervous man liz a long lived bird
though hiz nerves are alWuS strung, he
lasts like an old phiddle.
Altho kant help but pity the nervous
man am aware that he haz moments ov
pleZZure that are equal tew whole hours,
they are SO intensified.
Whatever he does enjoy he enjoys the
whole Ov, passing the bounds Ov reality,
he revels in the illimitable fields ov I'M
aginashun and fancy.
I think would rather haven nerves
than could manage than not to have
emmy, and NOPE on thru life az sum men
do, with nothing about me SO exciteable
az mi relish for pork and beans.
THE DlGN1F1ED MAN
It il often the kase that the dignified
man liz nothing more than an owl among
humans.
He don't alwus kno but little, but when
he duz he haz tew be kareful ov that little
and look wize even if he don't prove teW
be so.
One good boss laf would Spite him fol
life; if he lets go ov hiz dignity, hiz kap
ital il all gone and he liz ruined forever.
The dignitied man that am a talking
about never takes emmy chances, he weighs
every word before it IL uttered. and meaZ
lures every ackshun before it liz expressed
and IL generally az free from blunders, OIL
hits, az a tud-stool il. If he ever duz Xix
un and frolik he il like the elastik ele
plant, and gay and kussid like the hippo
pOtamus or wild sea boss.
Dignity IL often substituted for wis
dunn, and IL quite often mistaken for it
but there IL az much difference between
them az thare liz between puter 10 cen
piece and genuine half dollar
| decided long ago not tew Civ emmy
man kredit for being wiZe, just bekauZt
he wouldn't bend hiz back or laff whel
he had a right tew be tickled.
Sum ov the most suckcessful phools
hav ever met were az grave az ku
stone, and most all the truly VIE that
hav had the honor tew be introduced to
were alwuss a hunting for a good place
tew roll on the grass.
Extreme gravity, in mi lexicon, stand
for an extreme phool.-Josh Billings, d
". Y. Weekly.