South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-07-25

the hope of making young people come for
ward, that during the warm weather he
will marry them for "a glass of wbiskoy,
dozen eggs, the FIRST kiss of the bride, and
quarter of pig y
s0-REv. ROBERT CoLLYER wishes that
EVERY rom shop was chained in the bottom
less pit Of bell We are opposed to any
thing that would tend to encourage emi
grafton to that locality.
EVA VENERABLE clergyman OF this ci-
ty informs US as fact that he was one of
two missionaries who were once captured by
cannibals, and were about to be cooked and
eaten. His companion was man who ap.
preciatcd the good things Of the table, and
prided himself upon his cookery. As the
crisis of his fate approached his meanings
we're piteous. The other exhorted him to
bear up, telling him that to die is gain, and
all that. 1T amt that groaned the mis-
sionary. Il am not afraid to die, but it
breaks my heart to think tha. those sava
gcs don't know how to make decent gra-
vy.'-New York Ledger.
The Bishop AND THE GOLFERS The
birmingham Morning Necs says that
story, in which the Bishop of Lichfeld is
the prominent figure is just now circulating
In Wolverhampton. 1t is to the effect that
while walking in the Black country, short
time ago, his Lordship saw number of
miners seated on the ground, and went to-
wards them with the object of saying a
word in season. He asked them what
they were doing, and was told by one of
the men that they had been 'loyin'.' The
Bishop evinced some establishment, and ask
ed for an explanation. 'Why, yer see,' said
ono OF the men, zone of us fun (fouud) a
kettle, and we been trying who can tell
the biggest lie to ha' it.. His Lordship
was shocked, and proceeded to read the men
lecture, telling them, among other things,
that he had always been taught that lying
was an awful offence, and that, in fact so
strongly had this been impressed upon him
that ne had never told lilo in the whole
course of his life. His Lprdship had bare
ly finished when one of the men, who had
previously remained silent, exclaimed,-
Gle the governor the kettle; gle the COVER
nor the kettle
AMUSING ANEcDoTE. Daniel Webster
had an anecdote of old Father Scarf. the
minister of his boy hood, which is too coed
to be lost. 1t was customary then to wear
buckskin brooches in cold weather. One
Sunday morning in the Autumn, Father
Scarf brought his down from the garrett,
but the wasps had taken possession during
the Summer and were having nice time of
1t III them. BY great effort be got out
the intruders and dressed for meeting. But
while reading the scriptures to the copgre-
CATION, he felt dagger from one of the en-
ragged small wasted fellows, and jumped
around the pulpit Shaping his thighs. But
the more he slapped and danced the more
1t stung. The people thought him crazy
and were in commotion as TO what to do,
but he explained tho matter by saying,
brethren, don't be alarmed, the word of
the Lord is in my mouth, but the Devil is
in my breeches.' Webster always told it
with great glee to the ministers.
EE Patrick Henry oncc called Gov. Giles,
of Virginia, 'bOb;ailed politician. Giles
demanded an explanation. Henry respon
ded: Il do not recollect having called you
'bob-tailod politician at sny time, but
think tprobable l have. Not recollectipg
tho time or occasion l cannot say what
did mean, but if you will tell mo what you
think | meant, l will say whether you arc
correct or not Giles subsidized.
ETA lady recently cleared her house
of flies by putting honey on her husbands
whiskers when he was asleep. The flies
stuck fast, and when he went out Of the
house he carried them off with him.
GEA POOR woman asking an Eoglish
government official for favor, to his in
quiry from what locality she came, answer
ed, 'Shure, yer honor, it's no Inc cality, at
all, at all; its's very rispictblo caliiy.'
GE PBUDE is a queer chicken. Speaking