, 1873-08-17
HUMOH.

aUMONs
a man who oame to Danbury eight years ago,
worth nothing, ia now tho owner Of three dogs.
Controversy and chomlstrys Why ia abso-
1ute DOGMA your reveroncoB, like absolute
aIcoholf &c. ploaso you, because 1t is utterly
"A OarlinviI1o, H., girl who recovered $40
from q young fellow for kissing her against hor
will, offered him tho money back agaiu q fow
days afterwards II he would lido It again."
--Keokuk boys exhibit thoir courage by buy
Ing hnlf-rtpe watormelons,. and cating thom In
tho shade Of bulletin boards posted over with
oholera mediuine advertisements.
/. a Georgia ''craeker" was offered % por
day to labor, whom he exclaimed "sir, dyo
s'pose I'd work when I've Jest discovered fsosh
coon-tr0okt"
.-In Savannah, Ca, women aro employed ns
hoEae-car conductors, aud modest young men
vehicles without having dirty hand md arm
| passed about their waists.
| over 200 cords Of bark this summon, besides
twico pooling tho bark OF her husbands nose
because he made lovo to tho milk1naid.
The other day. At Lincoln, Nob., lawyer
arose and satds "A1ay It ploaBo the Court thoro'a
fight outdoors, and ask for . short adjourn-
aha oou satn2aS W91 out th@1s ~th n
| headed men In ono Of our dEy-goodH stores,
| looking vacant1y about, aud each ono thought
| fully rubbing Ills hoad with finger that had q
| tlrend tied about it.--Dun6ury Ne1os.
"A mothers love Ia a holy thing, and Ia benrl-
tifnlly Illustrated In tho caso Of tho Fronch
woman who murdered hor husband that eho
| might become widow and thus procure tho
| discharge Of hor aon from tho army.
Tho hotel-koepers at Niagara arc discussing
plan to stop tourists five miles from tho falls
md stuff their ears with cotton, to provont them
from hearing the roar without first paying foo
Of 93.
Tho most unpopular man In Virginia Ia ono
who has 1nado tho accidental discovery that kor-
osene is as cilicacious III whisky to cure rattle
snake bites.
"A woman In Sun Francisco proposes to walk
1000 miles IN 1000 hours, and her husband, who
Is d Methodist preacher, wishes tho bot was for
ten times the distance, and that she would march
OF on straight line.
This is tho height OF tho preserving soason.
| We saw through tho window Of Wooster street
| house, Saturday, shrt-s1oeved man trying to
pull OF a pair Of boots, and heard. him say quite
| plainly: "Jam the jam stuG to jell.-DanJury
| Netrs,
| -nofcrring to tho practice Of dfaohargtng lady
clerka from tho public ofcos when they got mar
| ried, o Detroit paper thinks it must BIO wrong,
| and asks: How can woman be expected to
support husband If she is discharged as soon
| a. she getH one? z"
| "a strangerin Detroit Htreet-car, when asked
for his fare, pulled OF ono Of his shoes and drow
| up flfty.cont note, remarking that il little
| prudence on his part would prevont 1t, he didn't
| propoao being loft penniess in a strange city.
It ta told Of young gentleman whom a
maiden liked, but her fathor didn't. that st q
reasonable hour the old gent mildly intimated
that the time for rotirug had arrived. I think
teenth century, modestly, - We have been wait
ing for over On hour for you to put yourself III
fully:
last night, who aat down IN front Of the resi-
| dence Of nervous old couple, near Fifth
| avonuo, and hoarsely sang "Bweet Spirit, Hoar
t 11y Prayer" must hare beon praying for RAIN,
41x1
tiser.
| Tho power Of 1ove IL shown in tho case OF
tho Iowa girl who won't three miles from homo
to pasture-lot belonging to her father, and
old gentleman heard OF tho mattor he might
hasten thither, aud thus give his daughter q
courting spoil with lover who had been warned
not to appear upon the promises.
female" Sir, I would have you to understand
that. in this enlightened century, no ono but .
| brute would suffer lady to stand In this mat.-
nor" Alill,looking old gentleman, savagely-
MADAM, ! belong to the dark ages. aud II ,yon
you. Female faiuta; grand historical tnbloau.
.---Thoro was talk Of Judge Hoar's calling up,
| at the Harvard Commencement dinner, Mr. En-
e5son, just home from his travola IN Egypt md
elsewhere, With the romaEk TINT the. audience
would like to learu what the Sphinx Ind to say
| to tho philosopher Of Concord, when a lady OBJ
| soryed: II know What 1t was: You're an
| 0ther.'
Tho Rov. Moncure D. Conway, In o recent
letter from London to tho Cincinnati CONNER
ciat aays: "Alr. Sturgeon IL credited with tho
following, which. II not true, is ben trouato.
He Is aald to have boon taken to task by some
sabbatarian since he has found 1t neccssary to
employ a brougham to take him to church :.
but he urged, y only sit in the carringe-I
but your coachman-think of him! oh, le
| Is Jow, and keeps tho aovonth day Sabbath
But your horso9' .Ohl ltanid spurgoon, getting
little impatient, tho Is jew, tool This ro-
| minds NC Of another little story going tho
| rounds concerning ono of our Broad Church
clorgy1nen, who, being rocontly on an excursion
in Scotland, was vehelnentiy 1obuked by his
| landlady for taking walk on Sunday afternoon.
| The Clergyman said that he could not see tho
harm, and said: You know that we read that
| our Lord himself walked with His disciples in
tho aeldB on the 6abbath~day.' sAy,' aaid tho
old lady, ay, ken 1t. an no'er thocht any tho
| betser o Him for 1t, noither!'"