, 1873-05-25

| The back-pay eonundrum-Glve it up: -
Though an honest merchant is aplain dealer,
! carpenter is = deal planer.
What is the difference between bayonets and
bullets ? Bayonets are driven, but bullets are
| lead.
! When . man has trouble he takes to drink,
but when . woman meets with misfortune
she merely goes over to her mothers and
takes tea
The only feathers in the lava-beds are those
Torn by the Modocs.
"A prudent man, snys witty Ftenchman, Is
like pin his head prevents him from gong
too for. -
-" Shakespeare would never hare asked,
s Whats in an aim 2" it be had been hit On ths
head with brick
Says the minister, at . marriage, to 8
farmer Our joint occupations represent the
chief excellence OF ife- "1ou till, te'
Utility.)
aoIf}. Isn't she darling ? RI give her to
you, only-she's my own +"
what best describes and most impedes
Christian pilgrims progress 4 Bunyan (bun-
THE article chiefly sold at most fancy fairs
-" Who breaks pays" This does not apply to
railroads., as they pay men to brake
! .-"Ho is dead but he pays just as well as he
ever did," WAS the reply the Belfast Journal got
to dunning letter.
Generally "a ont on the fy"-The spider.
As rich and pretentious ahoddyite waa
looking at some paintings which he purposed to
buy, the dealer pointed to fine one. and said
4.There is q dog after Landseer." :" Ia it,
rcally!" exclaimed the pretander. "What il
the dog after him for?"
The reason why Pagans arc so far behind
hand in the march Of civilization 18 because
they are such idol people.
A missing man was lately advertised for, and
described as having a Roman nose. He won't be-
found. Such nose as that will never turn up:
We notice that the 't agricultural editor" OF
one of our exchanges advises his readers to
'splant their peas in the new Of the moon." Wo
advise our readers to plant their peas IN tho
ground.-Boston Post.
What ia the difference between the eugina-
driver and a passenger who has lost the tralnF Z
One is right in front, the other left behind
In Indian summary wieh-That the Warm
Spring Inainns will give the Modocs an early
The San Francisco Chronicle says: "a saora-
mcnto man went home night before last, and
found his fair but wicked wife enjoying the
company Of another man. He was so mad that
he stamped around and used such rngentleman-
" Language that after while the intruder got
tired Of the noise, and left in indignation and
disgust at such behavior"
1t is reported that 3 Juvenile dandy aaid to
fair partner at = Boston ball Miss, don't you
think my moustaches becoming ," To which
Miss replied: swell, yes, but they haven't ar
rived"
-Awoman out West interfered with her broth
er's courtship, and begged him to stay at home
she expected her own lover and complied, and
abe says that fraternh affection is heart1ess
mockery.
Those Troy men are humbugH. One Of them
had capacious wine-cellar included in the
plans. He has just been converted to the tenn
perence cause, and now uses his empty wlne-cel-
lar for the safe keeping OF = very fine game'cock
and occasionally for rooster contest.
It being reported that Western member Of
Congress had. purch@sed:a large tract Of land,
and was going into the vegetable business on an
extensive SCALE an old lady Of the neighborhood
remarked *sWall, he's had some useful expert
enco, for he's Iaised his own celery for the last
two years." She WAS undoubtedly thinking of
salary.
Johnny, the minister's sou, went to his
father one morning, directly after family wor-
saw saw, 1 man Stealing grapes" wei, said the
good man, "If you had BEEN praying too, you
would not have seen him"
Sense and sensibility :" You've heard about
the PooF dear Duchess p, lsnt 1t 100 smt
Graeel, Well-et-no! pr No more did I!
Happy thought-le US try and bear up!"
Judge Berkely says it has been sdjudged
when person said Of q lawyer that be had as
actionable, because he had as much law, and
more also but if he had said he hath no mora
law than a monkey, these words would have
~ AT ] q recent examination Of candidates for
the Civil Service, one OF the questions pro
pounded Was "What clerical experience have
you had, i any.?" To this one aspirant, had
appended his written answer Lutheran" An
other wrote, Methodist-a little"
Adjustment: Bootmakor (who has = good
deal Of trouble with his customer)-"I. think,
sir, it you we're to cut your corns, could more
easily find you pair" Choleric Old Gentle
ny {ou to 1T on me-
to plane nv feet down to it YOUR 1oots | t''