The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1873-06-13
MISCELLANEOUS.

derstand the printed words "receiv-
ed payment" on the dunning bills
he sent them as an / timation that
he torgave them their debts.
"Do You think I am a fool p a
violent man once asked Of the Pev.
DIR. -ethune "Really," replied
the Doctor, 81 would not venture
the assertion, but now that you ask
my opinion, must say that | am
not prepared to deny it."
Susan B. Anthony says she would
not be frightened at standing face
to face with Satan. Satan himself
admits that the scare would be on
his side.
A Fort Wayne man, married
twenty-one years, didn't know the
entire contentment ofmarried life un.
til his wife fell down the other day
and bit her tongue 50 that she could
not talk.
"Get out Of my way! What are
you good for?" said a cross old
man to brlght-eyed little boy that
happened to stand in bis way.
"Well," said the little fellow, as
he stepped one side, 81 believe they
make men out of such things as we
are.
The st. Louis Democrat says:
"WhaleS are ruImig their noses
against that portion ofRhode Island
that sticks out into the water, and
the inhabitants are tronbled with
earthquakes.
A father recently found his little
girls chubby little hands full OF the
blossoms Of a beautiful rose tree, on
which he had bestowed great care.
"My dear" said he, "did not tell
you not to pluck one Of these trees
without lesve!" eyes, papa"
said the child, "but all these had
leaves"
A very wealthy farmer Of Titus
will has this "llotis" posted up in his
field: "lfany mans or woman's
cows or oxen gifts in these here oats,
his or her tail wi be cut otf, as the
case may be lam a Christian man,
and pay mi taxes, but dam a man
who lets his cattle run loose, say l."
Give a man brains and riches,aad
he is a king. Give a man brains
without riches, and he is a slave.
Give q man riches without brains,
and he is a fool.
A laxative man annoyed a lady
at a dinner party by constantly argu-
ing in favor OF strong drink, and at
last said to her, "You know, mad |
am, that drinking drives away cares,
and makes us forget what is dis
agreeable. Would you not allow a
man to drink for that reason?"
swell, perhaps So" said the lady,
eff he sat next to you !"
A bereaved husband, in an obitu-
ary notice of his deceased wife,
wrote, "She has gone to hereternsl
reSt;" but to his horror the news
paper printed it: "She has gone to
her eternal roast"
A Minnesota woman stood by
and saw a fight between her hus-
band and a wildcat, and when the
man whipped she acknowledged
that she was q little disappointed,
having bet on the cat.
A man stole a gate from a field
by the roadside, and was detected
With it in his possession. When ac-
FUSED of the offence, he pleaded that
he only took it away for a joke.
Whereupon the judge inquired how
ar the man was found from the
ield to which the gate belonged.
About two miles," replied the
prisoner. "Ah! just so,' said the
udge. "You must be punished;
hat was carrying the joke too far"
Missouri Judge, a few days ago,
administered the following conso-
alton to a criminal whom he was
entencing to death; eff guilty,
'ou richly deserve the fate which
waits you; ifinnocent, it will be q
ratification for you to feel that you
we're hanged without such a crime
80