The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1873-05-03

HoaV Spinks' House Vas Painted.

HoqV Spinks' House Was Painted.
This is the season of the year when all good
suburban residents have their houses painted,
and, consequently, are never unprovided with
subject of thought from the rising to the setting
of the sun but are always in state ofmental ac-
tivity bordering on irritation. Mrs. Spinks
generally sounds the first alarm. She greets
her Ado phus at the breakfast table in the morn
ing with charming smile, and says, in accents
mild: "Spring is really coming Dolphy dear"
Dolphy assents to the proposition, and but
ters his muffin swiftly, proposing to escape from
bonnet. "And l was thinking, Dolphy DEAR"
says Mrs. Spinks, millifuously, "that the house
looks very shabby"
Spinks transfers his apprehensons to new
carpets and furniture, and continues to deveur
his breakfast with a degree of speed to which
only an American citizen who knows the ha6-
it's Of delay to which morning horse cars are ad-
dicted ever attains. "Andso so," says Mrs. Spinks
presenting her lord with a fresh muffin of
most lovely brown, "wouldh't we better have
the painters come? p
Spinks remembers spring days of desolation
in formers years, and groans wearily in spirit;
but knowing the uselessness of sistance growls:
eyes !" only retaining sufficient spirit to say, as
he huddles his crumpled napkin into tho ring
"and hope you'll be happy"
He comes home at night 10 a scene oil mystic
ry. The carpets which he selected with so much
care, and upon the perfect taste Of which he
prides himself, are hidden beneath carefully
spread newspapers, selected from his cherished
files The curtains and shades have disappear
ed from the windows, the blinds of which are
closed: "For Pm not going to have that spite
ful MGra Jones staring in here,' says Mrs.
Spinks. Pictures, books, brackets, statuettes,
all have fed, and the plants that once graeed
the easements are ingloriously huddled on
table IN the middlt of the room.
Whats the matter? gasPs Spinks, not quite
recognizing his home.
"Why, the painters, you know, love-" says
his Arabelle, cheerfuliy, while his eldest boy,
aged five, and lisping incorrigbly, echoes: 4: "ze
painters - "rhey Ii be here early in the morn
ing, suppose, says Mrs Spinks.
Just as in many former years, Spinks ex
plains 10 his wife that it is not possible to catch
painter as one would catch fly in dog days
but that the animal is coy and flies afar when
needed. He conceals the fact that he has not
made the slightest effort to capture the much
desired artist, having forgotten the whole sub
ject of painting before arriving at his Office
Just as in former years, Mrs. Spinks responds
loftily that she will take charge of the matter
herself, and, after expressing conviction that
those who try to find painters are always sue
cessful, wonders, in sarcastic mood, chow wo-
Ul0u WuO maven any huSUdHuS CNcT Bcb IHclI
houses painted" while Spinks retires behind
his newspaper and chuckels at his relief from
He feels less complacent when he arises the
next morning and is compelled to institute a
search for each several article of his toilet ap-
paratus-all of them having been deftly con-
cealed by Mrs. Spinks, "to be out of the way of
the painters )" and he becomes fairly savage
when he finds that he is to have a cheerless,
cold Observation-Disclosures" as his oldest daugh-
ter pertly states, "mamma is going to see about
the painters herself" He swallows his wrath,
however, and swallows something more consol-
ing before going to his office, and Mrs. Spinks
starts out on a tour of the paint shops of the
suburb. She is determined to have the job done
well, and quickly and cheaply, and is not afraid
of wasting time in the search for the man who
will accomplish these feats So she takes her
self and her multitudinous inquiries into about
twenty five shops in the course of the four hours
that she devotes to the work, smells great
many curios odors, tumbles up and down
large variety of stairs, and acquires an immense
amount of vague information on lead, linseed
OIL drying, zinc, varnish, blue white, cream
white, printing, first coat, second coat, strikes,
wages, the eight hour system, the scarcity 0f
good hands just now, painters collie, stagings,
brushes, tackle, and the immense number of
children that all the painters are blessed with,
and the immense price which they are compell-
ed to ask in consequence; and also finds her.
self enriched by various spots of different col
cred paint, distributed here and there on her
dress. But she finds the painter. Of course
she does And he promises to come the next
morning at seven O'clock, and Brirg seven 0fi4.
er painters as good as himself, who shall enter
into the Spinks homestead and dwell therein
and accomplish wonders in a single day, and
charge next to nothing for doing it and Mrs.
Spinks goes home triumphant.
The next morning she sends Adolphus off
early, and waits and waits She waits until
twelve o'clock, and then dresses herself and
goes to the paint shop. The owner is very sad
so deeply grieved to say that his best hand
had received letter from Arizona announcing
the death of his second cousin, and feels too
much depressed by woe to work, while his six
companions are so comparatively useless with
out him that it really seems best to employ
them on small jobs and to begin the Spinks
mansion another day-not tomorrow, because
they are all engaged to- morrow; but in week
or so. Mrs. S. goes home and is cross, but does
not put the house in order, "because they may
come any time;" and, after fortnight of dis
comfort and baroness, they do come-on wash
ing morning.
spinks fees away so does peace and repose.
Those four painters-for the eight promised by
the artful man who pledged their presence have
been reduced fifty per cent. by battle, plague
and famine-those four painters pervade the
house. At one and the same moment they are
perched on a staging, staring into Mrs. Spinks'
bedroom window; are painting the front and
back stairs; are standing on the arm of the par
lor sofa to reach the top of a door frame step
on mirror, laid carefully in corner for safe
ty; upset pile of fragile china break the
vine trellises in the front garden, and enter the
kitchen in body for drink of water. They
sing melodies never heard by Mrs. Spinks, and
not suggestive of symphony concerts. They
say they "don't smoke, and the smell must have
come in at the window, ma'am." They wipe
their brushes on damask towels They leave
spashes of paint on the window glass and
break door knob here and there; and, at five
oclock-having spent the last hour in painting
every door frame in the house-depart, and
night comes down on the house of Spinks.
Now comes the real trial of endurance
Every ybody-old and young-wants to lean up
against walls, is possessed with a hitherto un
developed desire to shut the door after him or
her, or is firmly impressed with the necessity
Of wiping off all the paint possible with dress
and coat skirts. The air resounds with "Ceci-
liza, take your hands off the wainscotw "Jane,
don't touch that door," "Charlie, let the bal
uster alone !" "Mr. Spinks, don't lean against
that wall !"-and visions of dress makers and
tailors' bills loom darkly in the distance. The
supper dishes cannot be washed, because no.
body can go near the sink; if they were wash
ed they could not be put away, because the
closet shelves are all painted so they are left
On the table. No room seems habitable, so des
plating is the vigilance required to keep the
members of the tribe of Spinks, with
IN bounds; and all go early to bed, tripping up
stairs on squares of board placed on every step,
and tipping wildly whenever foot is placed
upon them. Once fairly in their respective
,oons, every member of the family remembers
that he or she has left something down stairs
necessary to the continuance of eS
stance, and Spinks goes down after the ar
cles wanted, making about eight trips. Th,
be goes to bed, and, nhailing the odor of paint,
sleeps calmly. Just as he begins to indulge in
a blissful dream, in which he holds the head
painter by the throat and is about to bind him
down to railroad track in the path Of a swift
y advancing locomotive, his vision changes,
and he finds himself assisting at a fire, with
twenty knights of the hose shouting around
him, and awakes to realize that three youth
full Spinks' are wildly shrieking "Water !' and
Mrs. Spinks is audibly wondering "if she has
lren die of thirst !" He goes down stairs for the
and rubs the paint off the sink, and breaks the
nose off the best pitcher, and cracks a goblet
while balancing his way upward and then,
having satisfied the yearnings of his offspring, |
goes to bed again to dream of Blondin crossing |
Niagara.
This is the first coat The struggles amid |
which the other coats are applied are worse still
and more prolonged-the workmen generally |
the cheerful variation of "doing |
,ne room at time, so as not to tire you too |
much, ma'am." At last, after six weeks, the |
work is finished, and Spinks counts the cost, to |
find that against the improvement to his house, |