Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-05-12
Man advertises, than realizes.

Man advertises, than realizes.
Man respires, aspires, conspires and
expires.
To keep Indians quiet requires con-
siderable Inginuity.
A trip to Europe is nowadays far less
expensive than to California.
A farmer in Baltic, Conn, has an OK
that can trot mile in four minutes.
If you are courting a girl, stick to it;
no matter how large her fathers boots
are.
If the best mans faults were written
on his forehead, he would draw his hat
down over his eyes.
The Minnesota papers wish the Cali
fornia papers to mind their own business
on the subject of climate comparisons.
The Ex-Empress Eugene, though now
in her 47th year, is said to be the most
beautiful widow in Europe.
Vienna is said tie be the worst drained
city in Europe. An exchange advises
the inhabitants to send for Tweed, who
drained New York so successfully.
A Syracuse paper has received a poem
on the loss of the Atlantic, but is afraid
to publish it, lest it might kill some of
the survivors.
A Boston girl who was married four
years ago in dress worth $4,000 may
now be seen splitting her own kindlings
and doing her own washing.
A Connecticut man is going to move
out of the State right away because the
trustees Of cemetery object to his rails
ing onions on his cemetery lot.
A burglar who was sentenced the 9TH
er day at Maidstone, England, to seven
years hard labor, offered to toss coppers
to see whether it should be fourteen
years or nothing.
An old lady was admiring the beauti.
full picture called Saved" .It's nc
wonder" said she, "that the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water"
Why is blind mans buff like sympa
thy? Because it's feller feeling for {
feller crltter! Another feller says the
same would apply to tow-headed boy
who scratches his head.
The board of mayor and alderman O.
town in Pennsylvania has recognized
the Spanish Republic. Of course tn,
rest of the powers will no longer stant
back
"Six feet in his boots y exclaimed
Mrs. Beeswax: "What will the impu
dence of this world come to, l wonder
Why, they might as we'll tell me tha
the man has six heads in his hat"
An eccentric old fellow, who live
along side of a graveyard, was asked If i
was not an unpleasant location. "No,
said he, Il never jined places in m,
life with set of nelghbors that minde
! their business SO steady as they do.
A Georgia preacher in translating tn
sentence, 1.-The harvest is over-the sea
son Is ended-and thy soul is not saved,
; put it: DE corn has been cribbed-
dere amt any more work-and de del
bill is still foolin wild dis community" :"
Oh, the snore, the beautiful snor,
filling the chamber from ceiling to floor
' Over the coverlet, under the sheet, frol
! her dimpled chin to her pretty feet
Now rising aloft like a bee in June
now sunk to the wall of cracked ba
soon Now fute-like, subsiding, the
: : rising again, is the beautiful snore
Elizabeth Jane
j, Doctor" said sick man, ''what
! the matter with ME ?'' "Cerebro-spin
d meningitis" said the doctor" soIemnl
c. 'Ah!" cried the patient with sigh, al
n instantly fell back and expired. \
r man could be expected to hold o
against such a disease as that. He di,
,e of dictionary.
i 1t rained the other evening, and the
y was an entertainment A young ge
L. tleman said to young lady inlay
have the pleasure of protecting you wi
my umbrella % And, said she. with
L round, expressive eyes looking full in
h. his. Put up your rag" We like to S
ei people sociable.