Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1873-11-07
"a BOLT ALWAYS In ORDER"
How Mrs. SquiIls Got Even with
SquiIls.


From the st. Louis Republican.
Sauills declares that his wife is al
ways taking some kind of q mean add
vantage of him. THE best woman in
the world, sir" says Squill, but now
and then she will act mean, and she
can't held it.
Last Saturday at breakfast" said
Squills. "she was as smillingas a bundle
of chips"
Are your chops done to your liking,
Squills, dear?"
"DeiciOusly, my love-"
Il broiled them myself, dear"
Il knew it was going to be hot, said
Squills, and when got into the hall
to leave, Mrs. Squills was there with
my hat in one hand and my Overcoat in
the other.
"Squills DEAR" she began.
Il thought it time to pitch in here, "
said Squills, $50 10 l said quietly"
How much Mrs. Squills? Out with
it, my love-"
Mr.. SquiIls," said she, "don't be I'M
manly sir, l beg; not to say ridiculous.
Gussy wants a silk dressto 90 to church
in; thepoor child really isn't decent
you are very sorry well, so you ought
to be. Let her say her prayers at
home No, Mr.. Spills, she shan't stay
at home, and she shan't say her pray
ers, and Mr. Squills, you're enough to
agravate saint, and your conduct is
disgusting, and its enough to drive a
woman to bolt right off to Chicago and
get a divorce"
Il thought this was good time to
fire off my pet Joke" said Squills, $50
l said, Mrs. Squills, bolt is always in
order Then l bolted myself, for
Mrs. Squills comes of fighting fami-
~"
"When went home at night, Gussy,
dear child, played all my pet Ofenbach
music, and [ knew l was IN for the
dress, only 1 wanted to hold out I'LL
morning, Just for the look of the
thing"
For five years after we were mar
RED" said Squills, Mrs. S. would per-
sist in looking under the bed for man.
It's the same man every woman looks
for, l suppose, because they all do it.
Well, failing to find the man, Mrs.
Squills finally gave him up in disgust
and took to something else. lsuppOse,
said Squills, they all take to something
else after they can't find the man under
the bed. Mrs. Squills' weakness is
boiling the door. Mr.. Squills have
you bolted the door, is always the last
thing at night.
This particular night" said Squills,
Mrs. S, was very dignifed and distant.
No familiarities, Mr.. Squills. if you
please; you wounded my feelings in
their tenderest point this morning, and
I cannot forget, though you did, that [
am your wife, sir, and the mother of
your children, Mr.. Squills.' "
"This was pitching it uncomonly
strong, you know" said Squills, land
[ was about to surrender, when Mrs.
SquiIls turned off the gas and then
cooled herself up in q pet, somewhere on
the outside bed-rail Not even good
night, Squills.' l felt pretty bad about
it. I can tell you, but l went to sleep
l don't know how long l had slept, but
some time, when experienced a kick
in the back, as if a playful mule had
been tanning me. Perhaps it was nee
essaTy, as [ always slept hard
Mr.. Squills," at last | heard Mrs. S.
say, Mr.. Squills, have you bolted the
door,"
'Now 1 leave it to any man." said
Squills, appealingly, whether that is
the correct thing for the mother of q
family to do? Of course I got up and
bolted the Internal door. and | said,
Mrs. Squills, why the deuce didn't you
think of boiling the door before went
to sleep, and not wake up a man in the
middle of a cold night to do it, And
what do you suppose her answer vast
why, Mr.. Squills,' she said, )
thought bolt was always in order "
"What did L say? What could [
say? And the worst of it all, said
Squills, IN be hanged If she wasn't
laughing at me; [ could feel the bed
shaking"