The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-12-02

EE A citizen of Lacrosse named Gin,
has petitioned to have his name changed
because his sweetheart doesn't like it.
CB- What cord is that which is full of
knots which no one can unite, and in which
no one can tie another? A cord of wood.
EE- A soft headed fellow wrote his name
with diamond on Saratoga window. A
miss wrote under:
When see a ooneS's name
Written upon glass,
/ know he owns diamond
And his father owns an ass.
G5B-" Charlie, - said preacher to little
boy, "can you tell me who made the
monkeyP"
"Oh, yes l cam" said Charlie.
"Well, who made itP''
"Why," said Charlie, it was the same
feller as made you." u..
sB- Says London letter " The money
taker being unavoidably absent, was tenn
porarly replaced in the exhibition of the
bearded lady and other natural phenomena
by a pretty, bright-eyed girl of about
fourteen. "Haw, suppose the--the--er
bearded lady is your mother,' observed a
swell, as he paid his money. "No, sir"
said the extempore money taker, naively,
"she's my father"
tB- On one of the trips of California,
steamer, the stearage passengers were so
numerous as to make them uncomfortable.
The sleeping accommodations were aptly
described by Californian, who approached
the captain and said: 81 should like to
have sleeping birth, if you please"
"Why where have you been sleeping these
last two nights since we left?' "Wa'al,
I've been sleeping on top Of sick man,
but he's got better now, and won't stand it
no longer"
EB- A lot of MINISTRIES went to town
not far away and advertised to give per-
formance for the benefit of the poor, tickets
reduced to ten cents" The hall was
crammed full. The next morning a COM
mittee for the poor called upon the concern
for the amount said benefit had netted. The
treasurer expressed astonshment at the
demand. :" ! thought" said the chairman
of the committee, "you advertised this
concert for the benefit of the poor" Re-
piled the treasurer "Did't we put the
tickets down to ten cents, SO that the poor
could all come ?" The committee vanished.
eB- Perhaps the following from for
eign paper will serve to "tickle" some of
our readers A lawyer, a celebrated wit,
was pleading before Scotch Judge, with
whom he was on the most intimate terms,
happening to.have a client Ia female by the
name of Ticle) defendant in an action, he
commenced his speech in the following
humorous strain: "Ticle, my client, the
defendant, my lord" The auditors, anus
ed with the oddity of the speech, were
almost driven into Mysteries by the Judge
replying "Tickle her yourself, Harry !.
you are just as able to do it as L.
cB- An amusing anecdote is told in con-
nection with one Of the Arundel owls. On
one occasion at dinner at Arundel
Castle, the butler caused great meriment
by coming into the room and saying in
a solemn voice May it please your
grace, Lord Thurlow has laid an egg'
The late Duke of Norfolk was asked if the
story was true. His grace said: "Yes, we
have always believed it in the family but
DO you know why the bird was called Lord
Thurlow? That's almost the best part of
the story. Lord Thurlow and his daughter
were once staying at the castle, and tho
young lady went to see the owls. On
passing one of them she stopped suddenly
and exclaimed "Oh how like papa -
and the bird was ever afterwards called
Lord Thurlow." 1t must have been very
wise looking bird, for Lord Thurlow looked
exceptionally wise, even for a judge. Fox,
the statesman, once said 81 suppose no
man was ever so wise as Thurlow looks"
EB- The learned and popular Judge b.
now in the Supreme Bench of California,
was recently trying case where farmer
claimed damages against mining COM
pany for blowing vailings on the farmers
land. A witness testified as to the effect
of stick lying in the stream of water car
rying the vailings and obstructing the
same,
Judge B-(to witness). How large
was the stick you speak off"
Witness. Z" don't recollect."
Judge B.. "Can't you approximate
to the size?''
| Witness HWell no. didnit ,oaasuro