Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-30
PHUNNYGRAMSs
Long divisional divorce.
"A CRATE game-Playing poke

Hard pressed-A bale of cotton.
"A bad wind-up of the week-Reeline
home on Saturday night.
How to make an Indian loaf-Give
HIM gallon of whisky
- The most popular of the ''fall open
ings' are confined to the oyster trade
Does ball player engage in the naval
stores business when he goes in to pitch
Susan B. Anthony's former betrothed
resides in Dubuque. He is glad he lei
| Susan be Anthony
A lady wishes to know why, since the
invention Of the needles gun, women can't
fight as we'll as men.
"A New York editor says sugar has
gone up so high as to produce a slight
increase in the price of sand.
How did Robinson Crusoe know that
he was on an inhabited island? Because
he saw great swell pitching into little
cove.
81 hate to die-I wanted to wear my
blue "edingote to Mrs. Georges party,''
were the dying words of the belle of Kan
sas City.
"A young man went to a masquerade
! in Memphis, sober, and with a clean shirt
and a new paper collar, claiming that
he was so well disguised that even the
police officers would not know him.
A quaint old clergyman once took as
foundation for few remarks, s'The
world, the flesh, and the devil" By way
of preface he said, II shall touch lightly
on the world, speak briefly of the flesh,
and hasten on to the devil"
The near-si sighted henithat ate saw dust.
supposlng 1t to be cormeal, then went and
laid a nest full OF bureau knobs, sat en-
them three weeks, and Matched out com
plete set of parlor furniture, was pretty
fair hen.
Not long since a young kentuckian
paid his undivided attention to one of
the fair sex, and concluded to pop the
question. After much stammering and
hesitation, the young lady exclaimed, Il
am partially engaged, but. my mother
wants to marryn
Any one who visits Chilwad, En-
gland, can read IN the cemetery the fol-
lowing epitaph:
Here lies me and my three daughters
Brought here by using Seidlitz waters.
If we had stuck to Epson salts.
We wouldn't have been in these here vaults
1t is said of a Western editor that he
is fearful penman, the style Of his hand
being cross between twisted wire
close-line and a Virginia worm-fence.
One editorial does for several days, the
compositer dcciphering it from the head
down the first day, then tail up the next,
and crossways on Sunday.
john Paul says that when a man
walks squarely up TO the clergyman who
married him three years before, takes him
by the hand cordially, and, without q
word Of repr0ach, inquiries after his
health, it is useless for any to maintain
that Christian forgiveness is d thing Of
| the past, and does not enter largely into
that mans character, or that the heroic
virtues have all disappeared from Garth,
-"M0ther wants to know if you'll
please lend her your preserving kettle,
cause you know u how we want to pre-
serve" 1--WE would with pleasure, boy,
but the truth is, the last time we loaned it
to your mother she preserved 1t so ettectu-
ally that we have not seen it since"
well, you needn't be so sassy about your
old kettle 1t was full of holes when we
borrowed it, and mother wouldn't "a
troubled you again but she seen you
bringing home new one"
1t is well remembered by army Off
GERS that of the various delicacies dis
tributed by the civilian delegates OF the
various commissions anu relief agencies,
the major part were obtained by class
of patients who made the most noise and
not by those who were the sickest. 1t was
after Gettysburg, when the corps hospitals
were crowded with wounded, that, while
dressing a slight wound, patient started
up as delegate of the Christian Commits
sion passed the tent, and asked: "Warn't
that Christian?" Yes" "JOve! but |
forgot to groan, Well, that is the first
of them I've missed yet. [ wonder what
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