New national era. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1870-1874, 1873-04-03

| Thence 20 Forth Esston. the Home @.
! Oaksa Ames-His Aeeou Of the Hapquti
tn ucaoT of Mr. Amss.
| NORTH EAsToS,
| (Which Is in the state Nv Massachoosits,)
| March IL, 1873.
The Credit Mobiler biznis so excited me
that coodent stay in the quiet and classic
shades Nv the Corners, while-it wuz goin on.
"Where the carrion is there will the buzzard
be Also In the Credit Mobiler smell car
non to whom ! allOod as to buZZard 1t Is
not necessary to specify. j went to WASH
ington.
The state NV things at the capital surprised
me. / sposed that shood find sutbin thct
Good turn To account in assistin in kiverln
up TINS swindle, the same ez I yoosed tn do
IN the good old days NV Bookanan but wuz
disappinted. The Republikin members re-
foosed any concealment and insisted on COM
mittees and SIGH. When the plague wus
ragin in London the dead carts wood draw
up afore the houses and the driver wood
| howl, bring out yer dead" When Credit
Nobiler RACED in Washington, the people
yelled to Congress, "bring out yer dead"
He'd 1t bin DimOcratc Congress, We wood
hev gone to the door and swore that we he'd
no dead, but not so with the present one.
BRING out Yer dcad"' shouted the people
Here arc the corpses!" sed Congress,
cheerfully, and these wuz then laid out on
coolin boards and ready to be sent home for
burial.
ii wuz most unprecedented pruceedin.
In the old times cf a Democrat devoted to
Sunday skools and temperance, he'd bin inn ,
Gently led by plOttin skecmer to accept
stock in Credit Mobler the skcemer carry
Ing the stock till the dividends shood pay for
IT, and so on-and charges he'd bin brot agin
him, wat wood hev happened? He wood
hev riz, and, pintin calmly to his Sunday
skools and temperance, wood hev Indignantly
asked ct a life devoted TO Sunday skOols and
temperance wuz to be blasted on the mere
assertion NV plOttin skecmcr who he'd not
devoted his life to Sunday skools and tenn
pcrancc? And the Democratic House wood
hcv voted him clear and hcv expelled the ac-
cuser, and each member wood hcv tripped
saily TO draw the dividends on the stock witch
he held.
l he'd a curiosity to see how the constit-
oocnts NV the great Ames wood receive him,
and he'd an opportoonity to crafty that
curiosity. Mr.. Ames sejested to me that l
shood go, and he slipped suthin into my
hand. 1 fell into his trap the same or the
placid ColfaX did, and sed woodg 90.
III my people insist on given me a re-
ccpshun," sed he, "see to it that it is spon-
tancous. hcv conservatory witch it may
be worth your while to see-cf they want
flowers to decorate the tables-but enuf,
Speeches will be necessary, and VIC must hev
EN-, but see that 700 select men who will do
it spontaneously. Were / a hard man |
Good make it uncomfortable for the honest
irecmcn in North Easton who shood rcfoose
to cheer at the proper time, but. i will
say no more. My family doctor makes a
good speech, and the school teacher is a
poet. have heard that he hez an idea wv
writin poem in witch am to be crowned
with laurels, and the ages do homage to me,
and possibly he mite hev it done to read at
this rcscpshin-but NV course it ant for me
to say. My factry will turn out strong, NV
course. But 60 and visit North Easton."
did so. Mr.. Ames hez factry at North
Easton witch makes shovcls. The physician
doctors sick shovel makers, and insists ON
bringin into the world embryo shovel
makers; the store-keeper sells goods to
shovel makers the teacher teaches young
shovel makers; the shoemaker and tailor
labor for shovel makers, and the preacher
breaches to shovel makers. Mr.. Ames is
the boss shovel maker-hc is the sun of this
system. Ef he he'd bustid in this Credit
Moblier, the factry would hev bin closed,
North EastOn wood hev vanished into thin
air, and few years hence all that the Curl
Gus traveller wood find wood be the last
the rooms NV the bilcr-arch, starin about in
a wild, vacant way.
MIR. Amcs owns this shovel factry in North
EastOn, and North EastOn blccyes Mr.. Amcs
to be honest. They reject with intense scorn
the idea that he ever did anything wrong, or
that he could do anything wrong. So the
next day after my arrival, and after had in
terviewcd the leadin citizens, a public reccp-
shun wuz rendered Mr.. Ames-a spontaneous
rccepshun on the part NV the people, NV witch
Mr.. Amcs wuz kept in profound ignorance,
and wuz requested to direct it.
Isejested then that it be held in the skOol
house, (Which Mr.. Ames built,) and that the
music be furnished by the North Easton band,
(Which MIR. Ames cquipped) 1t wuz deemed
necessary to give the proceeding Il religious
cast, so l requested the pastor NV the church
witch Mr.. Ames attends to ask the blessin
The family physician Nv the great and good
Amcs wuz set down to preside and propose
his health, and the general committee NV ar
engagements wuz made up from the store
keepers who do business in Mr.. Ames's
stores. The clerks and book-keepcrs in Mr..
Ames's factory were distributed along the
tables at regler intervals to produce spOnta-
neOus applause at SIGH times ez shoOd indi-
kate.
Here trouble set i'll. The family physician
he'd relatives away from North Easton, and
nc didn't like to do it.
prepare your speech" sod peremptor-
lily.
"Must say" sed this wretched man pale
with anxiety, must l say that Mr.. Ames is
an honest man, witch is the noblest work NV
God, (Which bleeve it is the noblest work,
there is SO little wv it, and likewise that he
is gold witch hez passed through the crooci
bic, and come out purcr and brighter?
Heavens! must l? Is there no escape 90
"Must 700? My friend, shood say so.
This spontaneous gatherin must take place.
Fl 700 refoose do you know wat will happen
to you? Another physician will .prcscribe
the nimblc cathartic and the energetic cmctic
-anothcr's calomel will wrench the bowels
NV North Easton and make bizness for the
undertaken. by the way, cz the undertaken
hez an interest in yoor continyooancc here,
he ought to do half the speech MAXIM
The frame Nv mind NV this physician may
be inferred from the fact that he didn't see
the sarcasm Nv this last remark. But il
coodent hev bin expected.
"An honest man is the noblest work Nv
God, and gold from the CROCODILE" groancd
he: SIS there other impromptu remarks that
| must make?"
None. These are the reglars and will
D,,fI ,,,-y 10 l.. - 4