The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-02-08
HOME MATTERS.
PEPPER AND SALT.

PEPPER AND SALT.
Sam. p has recently been made tie victim OF
q cool Joke I. was midnight. The thermome-
ter was down below zero. A crowd of base
scsmps driving past Sans residence called for
Samuel. At length he appeared upon the hal
cony of his house clad in single garment cut
bias and reaching nearly to the email of his back.
(He couldn't fin! his pants-a three weeks old
fox hound having dragged them off behind the
stove for q" little bed.'l Standing there in the
deep silence Of night. with the star. gli.tering
in the frosty air, and the west wind bowling
through between his unprotected limbs, and his
teeth performing csstenette solo, he asked:
Whats wanted? 7" A low vagabond joker in
the sleigh on the road yelled back, eve called
to observe that the location of your house such
as &c afford excellent and comparatively mex.
pensive drainage. Good night" They drove on
Sam has piled up ton of Jumps of coal, brick
bats and things upon thAt porch, to De used upon
the next favorable opportunity on any one who
may drive up to his gate in the nighttime. To
better tit himself for business he practices daily
! two hours throwing things at mark IA
stylish young party. who slings together an
| known liquid compounds with which thirsty
people invigorate their !arynxal apparatus at the
Clifton lately got nice rig and took his dulce.
| ma del Ottawa out sn a s!eiyhing expedition.
lie returned in the evening. 1t may have been
| the bad roads the fault Of the horse the high
wind or magnetic attraction, or something that
| did 1 tnt nbkeryad wi ba
! cause, when they stopped to get out, his watch
chain surrounded not only his OWE neck, but.
| also that Of the "gurrel." It is believed that
| had they had to drive block further both
| would have been choked to death. When We
sc. ready to commit suicide we shall chose some
such mode of making our final exit as is su:ges.
ted by this incident. If we must perish by VIC.
leIce, le: contrive to die happy SO. Las: Tuas-
| day coming down on the accommodation were
| three Seneoers. However incredtabie 90 il my
seem they had quart bottle hal. full OF whisky.
| The idea that 2 quart OF whisky would last IRON.
morning till night with any two or three Of such
able bodied convvisi.ts o., these, more than
three hours, is p-opospeycus, nevertheless they
h,d The bottle half ful! as aforesaid, Seneca has
two bylaw. that ara aivays rigiily observed "a
Seneca whisky bottle .ha: coc' away full, must
come back empty 2. a. Seneca man who goes
away empty, mus. como back full According
70 rule that bottle had to be lmptied. TIE
bottle was duly passed, but The efforts u the trio
failed . reduce the quantity below mid-lino Of
the bottle \ meat sla:her named Mark II
seemed to have a round faced, robus: friend
whom lie had met Oh the cars, and his eid wet
iuvoEea. He smiled a. it and sooa the contents
lowered e couple Of inches. Charles ~, q liqu,t
lightning dispenser gazei a. The young man il
advertisement, and 10. knowing wh.. else to say
cheeriul!y invited tho boy 70 "faisA it, Tn,
youth once more opened his cepacioUs mouth
aud slowly described a part OF the area Of /
circle with his righ. hand. As rev milk flow
down the throat OF calf, as water rours out 0
d tea.hettlc as anything in nature happens be
cause it can't help it, SO did that whisky run on
OF ,ha: bottle 70 the last drop. Then with
sigh Of satisfaction he returned the bottle, wipet
bis mouth with his coat sleeve, and observed
"Guess III stop stop at Seneca. You appear Il
! be clever IeIcrs. ne laSI we saw Or lle NertN
was after thetrsiI bad stopped Charlie, Mar
and the fat boy, had formed procession fo
down town, the latter bringing up the rear in
sort of wild reckless, worm fence, ziz.zag regu
larity 90. Our mayor is q good Judge Of law, an
fog all We know may DO sound on the gospel, bu
we think he is lsmentsbly uniniormed respec,
t ing machinery. He stood looking at our ne,
! cylinder steam press moment the other day
xad then asked: Gay, is that one of Cush
mans graders and ditchers f",.,. Same on
whose early education was sadly neglected, send
Is O letter addressed ss follows:
Mist her Pee Mash
"Eiit; ear OF tea Odd way Free Tretter.
"Count T.. off Lass He'll
"stay a. III in noise
The letter rulds ~ sollows;
| NJ ti.ry Pc Aus :