South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-08-22

!
pect for the future is mortal dim.
George says that money is all vanity and
vexation Of spirit, and the way hc talked
about the trouble and the care that il
brings, know he would have cheerfully
given me a few thousand dollars if he
haden't had such high regard for my fam
lily. He was sfeerd il would prove q bur
den instead ola blessin. He sed that when
he was up on visit to his Nacoochx farm
last summer, he put on some old clothes
aud an old hat, aud started on a tramp a.
round the plantation. Gettin tired after a
while, he set down on log by the side of
the road, aud n man cum alorg with an OK
wagin; and, ses hc, Mornin, sur Good
morning, SEES George. DO you work for
George w. Willismsy' yes, SUR says
George. 'How much does bo give You a
year Z My vittels and clothes aud tobak.
ker, and pays my doktor's bills says
George. slow long have you been workin
that way 7? about thirty years,' says
George. We'll, you're an old fool, aud
that's just the way the stingy old cuss has
made all his money. Good mornin SUR and
he popped his bark whip and drove on.
NEW AND NICE INVENTION.
When got down to Mr. Drexels new marble
bank saw few thousand peepul standing still
and looking up at the top of nine-story house
Purity soon n chunk of boy stood up in the
highest winder. He had some straps buckled
under his arms and big tape.line rolled up in
n spring in his hand, and the other end tied to
sumihing inside OF the room. Suddenly he step
ped inside of the room Suddenly he stepped of
into the atmos phere just like he a ghost and
the tape line come slowly out of the spring and
he hoated down to the ground like a feather -
Then the crowd all gave n cheer and dsper sed
They told me il was new FIRE escape, and was
to be put in all the hotels and high bildings, so
that in case Of a fire anybody could fasten one
end to the bedsted and the other under his atnio
and leap forth with perfekt impuuity.
| think it good invenshun, aud would like
to see it tried in a shore enuff FIRE. Wouldn't it
look entirely angelik of a moonlte night to see
some of the fair sex tax in a sail from the ninth
story of the Grand Hotel, with their natral hair
all flown and their white nite.gowns all futter-
in in the breeze wouldent it be human okku-
pashun for a kind hearted man like myself 10
ketch EN- as they cum to take EN- the wing
to reseve with open arms and afIektionate en-
brace? | think so-excepting perhaps sum
Dutch angel weighing about 200 pounds, more
or less, and the bedstead cumin along down with
her. Under such sirk umstances it would per-
hnps be prudent to stand from under.
AT CARLToN's-THE BIG PUBLISHERS
TROUBLES.
Next morning went down to the Fifth Ave-
nue. Hotel. Mr.. Carlton, the book man, was
there and sed be thought he knowd me, and
when told him my name he sed he remembered
readin some Of my letters which writ Mr.. Link.
horn along time ago sed Mr.. Linkhorn or sum-
body else showed um 10 him he wasent sertln
which. He had big bookstore under the ho-
tel, and there was power of nice people pc
roosiu around. He introduced me to Mr.. Ellie
p Perkins, Esq with the first p. left out. ge
sed that Ellie spelt his name with a small e and a
big lie, and was known in the city rs Big lie
Perkins. They sed he was the sucksessor to Ar
temus Wards wax-works, and from the way lie
Is pilin up money | suppose his wax works well!
like Ellie. always was Partial to white men
and he's the whitest man ! saw in New York
The next man cav was Josh Billings. lie was
a sad looking man with a large open counte.
nance, and wore his hair all over his head and
neck like a Canadian rony ] suppose that me
and him will always differ about wearing our
hair. About this time very large man, with a
white kravat, cum in TO see Mr. Carlton and AID
/ him how he liked his manuscripts, and Mr. Carl
| ton sed I was too heavy, and he axd Carlton if
| he ment Their was too much oft lie LATED and
sed no but that Their was most too mucn led ia
/ it-that he would advise him to 90 TO Scrbner
or Lippincott-that he only published such books
as the peepul would reed The large man looked
thoughtful and disappointed and taking Lis
manuscript went clean away. Tie title Of bis
book was 1.-THE Letatorik Analass Of Kimerean
Absroosities Next little risky man, with a
/ lively, open countenance, cum along, and axd
Nr. Carlton what be thought Of his book 49,
/ Don SCOT me exactly" said Mr.. Carlton 'lts
most too light; TOO much froth for The syllabub E
don't think IL would 60" The title Of his book
was "Ting a Ling Of Aunt Tabby's Door-Bell !"
7 vas sorry for The big man and sorry for the
little man, and told Mr.. Carlton thought be
ought 10 let 'em down easy. lie sed II was an
every day bsness, and be had got hardened 10 IL
that he rejected ten books 70 where be aksept-
cd one, and he published a good deal Of trash
even then. DisIikin to disagree with him on 80
short an akwantance, sed, Eyes, think you
DO" But close Tor these presents. Yours,
BILL ARP.
RSy~ Woof, uiIl not grou on moor srd