The democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1868-1874, 1873-11-10
The Modern Window Curtain,

The most exquisite article OF domes'
tic torture, says the Danbury Neers, Is
the modern window curtain fixture.
The curtain is uniformly OF cloth,
with q fat stick at the bottom, and o
round stick at the top, and compile
Gated lot Of brass cogs and ratehets at
the ends. 1tisn't much trouble TO &c
in the fat sticks, because they can be
measured the right length on the floor,
but it is getting the proper length Of
the round sticks, or rollers, that PLAYS
the mischief with mans temper. We
are not quite certain but that II could
be done without much bluster were n
mans wife to go OF to the other end Of
the town and stay there until the opera
tion is over. She doesn't, however.
She keeps right close to him, and en-.
liyens the performance with such OBJ
seryations as her judgment and experi-
ences teach her are best calculated to
turn bis head. The window curtain Is
generally put up in the evening. This
is partly because the man has then more
time, and partly attributable to hs de.
sire to put OF tho evil Job until the last
moment. The first thing to be done Is
TO separate the parcels and borrow o
saw. Every family keeps its own screw
driver (point brsken) and hammer
(handle loose). You instinctively saw
the fiat piece first, because that is the
easiest, and afterward Ct the rollers,
which is more difficult. Then the cur
tain is tackled to the rollers, which keeps
turning over and breaking the tacks,
and catching your fingers under the
hammer. This done, you are ready to
plant your feet oil tho best cane-bottom
chair in the house, and put sp tho fix.
lures. Here your wife says: "Well, II
! ever saw anything quito 50 idiotis
US" You then get right down,
while she starts for q wooden article,
and by way OF showing that you have
no feeling in the matter, you kick the
cane seat into the middle OF the room.
Once mounted on the wooden chair, the
brackets are put up. To do this re-.
quires that You extend yours arms the
full length, and while in this condition,
with a couple OF screws and the screw
driver in yoir mouth, the hammer in
ono hand, the otherhangipg to the fx.
lures, and the curtain with tho un.
iwisldly roller across your shoulder, you
make tho siekening discovery that you
have got nothing with which 10 punch
the hole for tile screw.
Then yot1 get down 10 the floor again
TO remedy the defect, and find there is
nothing for TINT purpose bat the advice
OF your wife to drive the screw till II
sets. You mount again. She holds
the lamp so she can see II the woman
has cleaned tile corners Of the glass,
and rs You have your mouth too full ol
hard ware to articnlate with any free.
dom, you find yourself obliged to kick
her elbow to indicate that You actually
demand some OF the flame TO set the
screw. Tho artiace is lost upon her,
however, for likely rs not, she will set
down the lamp to rub her arm. aud ask
you what you mean. No one has yet
set u bracket to curtain fixture with
out either dropping some OF tho imple-
ments, or o remark we'll calculated to
engross the attention Of the party hold.
ing the lamp. The awful strain on the
arms, the wonderful vacillating humors
of tho screws, the incomprehensible
imbecillty OF the screw driver, the OBJ.
stinacy OF the roller, and the astonisl;
ing perversencss Of yonr wife, WHO will
persist in moving The light at the wrong
time, make putting up q modern cur
tain fixture the most subtitle Of domes-
tic grievances. And when the curtain
ia finally up, and secured so it won't
fall on your head when you touch the
string, and you take hold to draw i
up, tho feeling you experience as 1t
waltzes Of to one side, and tries TO
stand on its drunken head, aud failing
Ia that, settles right where it Is, and
obstinately refuses to bulge either way,
has never been truly analyzed. Weeks
after, when you are leaning back in
your chair, 0ngrossed in memories Of
the dead past, that cnrtatn will sudden
" come laundering down upon yor,
causing you TO spring ont into the air,
and lifting yonr very hair almost free
from the scalp. 49, e. iu