The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-07-12
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
EARSs IT.-A German friend whose wife takes
10 washing for their sustenanee, Claims that he
earns his living by the sweat Of his yrow.
Ferry BoAT.-Death il a ferry boat. Every
day and every hour the boat pushes off with
somebody, and then returns for mOre.
A fellow who has actually tried it says that,
although there are three scruples IN drachm,
the more drains you take the less scrupes you
Will have.
A Monticello, Iowa, jury has recently rendered
a written verdict, the mOss beautiful specimen of
photographic spelling yet seem 1t was, KnO
COS Of a1ciOn.
FKEQuESTLY.-The Mayfeld, KY, ladies are
such accomplished chin-musicians that their
tongues frequently sun-burnt. So says the
local paper Of the place.
A London paper. in recounting a death, says:
I" The deceased lady died suddenly without medi-
cal assistance, which came too late To die
without medical assistance is hardly compliment
ary.
Thin party (to street urchin): Boy, what
do you suppose that dog is following nc for?"
The youngsJer cast knowing look at him, and
readily replied &" Guess he takes you for
bOne F"
SHAKNo.-Tbose reports of earthquake shocks
of the agde districts getting their work IN at the
anne moment, and shaking by counties and town.
shIps.
The editor Of the fredericksburg (Va) Ne1rs
was asked By n stranger, A" If it was possible
that little town kept up four newspapers, and
the reply was, - No, it takes four newspapers to
keep Up the town.
4 father in Massachusetts,, who grew inpatient
the other evening, at the prolonged stay Of an
A
and invited the young man to remain to break
fast. The young man declined the invitation.
QUrEr NEroHBoRs.-An eccentric old fellow
who lives alongside Of graveyard, was asked it
it was not unpleasant location. .'No," said
he. - never j:ned places in all my life with a
set Of neighbUrs that minded their business SO
ssiddy as they do"
At charity sermon the other night a number
OF reCeiptcd but unpaid bills were placed in the
poor box with the request thai half the amount
be retained e paid, and the other half be return
ed to the depOsitor. As the accounts were all
eglinzt eminent church gOers they were settled
without delay.
A clergyman, who owed his situation to a
titled patron rather than TO his Abilities IN visit
ing hIs purishiJueTs for tine purpose of catechis-
ing them. asked one old stern Presbyterian,
- Who made Paul preacher?'' - IL wasna the
Marquis" replied the old man, with grim
- You shouldn't be gIutinOus, Isaac" said
Mrs. PartIngtOn, AZ, with anxious expression,
she marked the strong cOnvusIve effort that young
gentleman was making 10 bolt the last quarter OF
a mInce PIE. - You shouldn't be glutinOus,
dear. You must be very careful, you will get
something IN your elementary canal OF sarcopha-
gus one OF these days that will kill you, Isaac.
=. 1 had friend who dressed himself in ladies'
clothes and called upon celebrated fortune
teller. She did not discover the disguise. but he
heard what made him very unhappy" Here the
gentleman ceased. \ lady much interested,
asked. =" What did the fortune-leller say to
him." Why" said the gentleman, assuming
n very grave aspect, - she told him he was to
marry soon and be the mother OF ten children.''
WANNA guest at a hotel in Belfast,
Maine. on beng told that dinner ready,
stripped of his coat and, accompanied by his
wife entered the dining in his shirt sleeves.
4 waiter brought him bill Of fare, which he
regarded curIOusly, and then laid IL down. Pretty
soon another bull Of fare was placed on his plate.
Then ne arose in his wrath and exclaimed -
didn't come here to read show bills. / came to
dinner"
90 Got any medieine7' asked boy, entering
a drug store the other day. - Yes, lots of it.
What do you want?" inquired the clerk. - Or.
IL dJu't make any difference, so it's something
lively Dad is fearful had What ails
him ~ asked the clerk. Dunno said the
boy. - bat he's run down awful. He Just sits
around the stove all day and mOpes; he hasn't
walIOped mother since Christmas. guess he's
going TO die! ."
No REsT.-Said a veritable descendant OF St.
Martha, downeast, wearying with many cares,
and numbered with much serving: - So much
TO do! cleaning, working. washing, sewing. and
everything else No rest never was, never will
be, Tor me. - Oh, yes said the good woman
she addressed, % there will be one day for
ala long rest" - Not for me not for me : "
was the reply. " Whenever do die there will
be certain to be resurrection the very next day.
1t would be just my luck"
He SAW THE EDITOR.-A burly individual the
other day rushed into the sanctum of the Hum
boldt, Nevada, Register, and, pulling an enor-
nous six-shoOter. inquired anziOusly for the
editor. =" With great presence Of mind says
the fearless quill driver, I" which always charac-
ter-zes when in the presence Of danger, we
suddenly arose, knocked the intruder down. seized
him by the collar and neither extremities and
threw him into the street. When last seen, be
was making 240 gait for Winnemucea, the
rnilr0ad, singing, . want to be angel The
~uoiver captured In the melee il on exhibition at