Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-05-01
THE WIFE'S STRATAGEM.

THE WlFE'S SIhAIAGEM. =
| ABOUT two wears ago, me and my old
man, and the two little 'uns, was alvin
at a queer little by-statlon on new line
which dare say you have heard on. 1t
warn't quite finished then, though the line
was pretty well laid up all the way; and
the trains was only runnin' to the second
station beyond us We got good pay
enough, to speak truth, but | wouldn't go
back there again-no, not for double the
money! Stitch IA country never seed in
all my born DAYS; all dust in summer and
| all mud in winter, and heas all the year
| round-let alone other things as shall be
nameless. And then the people! bless
yer, the'd no more idear o. plantin', or
| buildin', or farmin', or drainm' or dom
anythin' Christ'n-like, nor | have o the
man in the moon and yet, to hear 'em
| talk, you'd think they were the finest fell
| lows as ever walked the earth.
Howsomdever it's a sin to laugh at 'em,
poor creeturs; for a ter all, they was born
furriners, and couldn't help themselves;
and then, too, it's all along O their ben'
50 unhandy that they had to pay us En-
glish to do things for 'em; so it's just a
kind O Providence alter all 80
Well, as | was a-sayin' we lived on that
ere Galatz line for a good spell, and got
used to it after a bit; though ii Warn't
over pleasant in the winter nights when
the snow came right up as high us the
winder, and the wind went rampagin'
round our little place Gt was only two
rooms and a CELLAR as If it had been q
roarin' lion. So, what with that, and what
with our havin' money in the house for to
pay the men, and there bein' so many rips
,1, - .
we might ha' been.
One night, (it was Just week after
Sans third birthday, | rememember,)
there cum a knock on the door, and a
voice singin' out as there was a message
from the superintendent so my old man
goes to open the door, Il was in the back
room gcttin' tea ready,) and in comes two
men, and one on 'em handed him paper;
but he'd hardly took it when 'tother slips
round behind, and knocks him down as
fiat as a founder. | ran in at the sound
OF the tumble, and there was one of the
rips tyin' my old man, (whO was quite
non compass alter the knock he'd got)
and 'tother one outs with a big knife, and
says to me, Hand over your money!"
says he, "or We'll kill the whole lot on
yer" ! was so tuck aback at tilst, that lust
for the minute | only stared like stuck
pig; but when he axed me for the money
a thought cum into my head all to once,
and | says to him, "All right" SAYS |,
the moneys down in the cellar under the
charcoal barrel; take it and welcome, only
don't kill us" All right" says the vaga-
bone; but to make all safe, I'll take this
young whelp with me-" (and he catches
hold O little Georgy, my eldest) land if
you hollers out, or tries to play any tricks,
I'll skiver him like "A Sheep
Well, sir, when he said that, twas Just
like pour o cold water down my back;
but | thought o my old man lyin' bleedin'
there, an o the heggar's check in DARN
to bully woman; and determined that,
yet. SO gives GcOrgy kiss, and | wills
pers to him, Keep near the door" and he
understood me directly, bless his little art;
and went away with the great ugly black
guard as brave as could be
We'll, down goes the rip, and tries to
move the barrel; but it 'ud ha' took two o
him to do it, and then they couldn't; so
alter tuggin' and tuggin' and nigh Dustin
hiSSelt, he sings out to his mate: Come
and lend a hand, and bring the woman
with You" SO tOthcr 'un marches me
down into the cellar, and sets down the
light for to lend hand with the cask
The minute | seed 'cm both stoOpin' over
it with their backs to me, | knocks over
the candle, catches Georgy by the sorutf
o the neck, and whisks him out Of the
cellar like a cat-only in my hurry |
fetched his head an awful lick agin the
boltring, poor little chap! But before the
rips could tell what was up, had the door
slapped to and the big bolt shut; and
there they was, cotched like two rats in a
trap.
Well, if you ever did hear two fellars
rampage, them was the two. They yelled
and they swore, and they lambasted the
door with logs o wood and ircshovels,
and at last with their very fists, they got
so mad But, bless yer, they might as we'll
ha' tried to knock down St Paul's with a
thick 'un, with big cross beams, and
wouldn't ha' Civ in to nothin' less nor a
cannon ball: 50, leaving 'em to drum
away, | up stairs and cut my old man
loose and then out and histcd
the red lamp; and bout ten minutes after,
the train (Which gently ran by without
stoppinO spied the signal and pulled up. SO
| got hold O one o the guards they all
knowed me- and told him what was up;
and he called his mates and three or four
sOdgers, as al'ays went with the train, and
down they all ran to tackle the two beau
ties. But when we opened the door them
rips was so taken aback at secn' the
crowd, and findin' themselves regularly
nabbed, that they just Civ in as meek as
lambs; and a. yre you could say Jack
Robinson the pair on 'em was tied and
bundled into the train and away That,
sir, is what | calls "killin' two birds with
one stun
Flowers and Health.