Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-09-11
Mntmurpns department.

"CoNs1DEa NE SMITH" "A good story is
told of DR.. Caldwell, formerly of the Univer-
sity of North Carolina:
The doctor was small man and lean, but
as hard and angular as the most irregular of
pine knots.
He looked as though he might be tough,
but he did not seem strong. Nevertheless
he was among the knowing ones reputed to be
agile as cat, and in addition, was by no
means deficient in knowledge of the "manly
art" Well, in the freshman class of certain
year, was burly beef mountaineer Of eighteen
or nineteen. This genius conceived great
contempt for old Bolus's physical dimensions,
and his soul was Mortified that one so def
cient in muscle should be so potential in his
rule.
Poor Jones-this is what we'll call him
had no idea of moral force. At any rate he
was not inclined to knock under and be con-
trolled, despotically, by man he imagined
he could tie or whip. At length he deter
mined to give the old gentleman geuteel,
private thrashing some night, in the college
campus. pretending to mistake him for some
fellow.student.
Shortly after, on dark and rainy night,
Jones met the doctor crossing the campus.
Walking up to him, he said abruptly
'Hello Smith you rascal-is this you p
And with that he struck the old gentleman
a blow on the side of the face that nearly
felled him.
Old Bolus said nothing, but squared him
self and at it they went. Jones's youth,
weight and muscle made him an "ugly Gus
TONER" but after round or two the doctors
science began to tell, and in a short time he
had knocked his antagonist down, and was
astraddle of his chest, with one hand on his
throat and the other dealing him vigorous cuffs
on the side of the head.
"Ah stop beg pardon, doctor. Doc
tor Caldwell-a mistake-for heavens sake,
doctorT he groaned. II thought it was
Smith,
The doctor replied, with word and blow
alternately:
"It makes no difference; for all present
purposes, consider me Smith"
And it is said that old Bolus gave Jones
such pounding that he never made another
mistake as to personal identity.
A DANBURY FUNERAL.-The Danbury
Ne,os says: The day Mr.. Ruby, across the
way, was to be buried, Mrs. Moriaty told her
daughter Clarinda that she guessed she would
attend, as she wasn't feeling very well, and
ride would do her good. She knew there
would be several covered carriages furnished
at the expense of the family, and she was
equally confident it could be so managed that
she would occupy portion of one of them.
She was among the first at the house, and oc-
cupied prominent position. AS the other
friends arrived she took occasion to recall
"reminiscences of the late Ruby that brought
tears to their eyes, and when the services
were over, as the first coach drove up for its
load, the distress of Mrs. Moriaty at the death
of Mr. Ruby was so marked as to excite the
liveliest sympathy. Then the second coach
came up. Mrs. Moriaty had got down to the
gate by this time and as the door Of the Sec
ond coach was opened and a call made for
the occupants, it seemed extremely doubtful
ifshe could hold up another instant. She
leaned against the post, and stared into the
coach, and over the rich upholstering, and
said the late Ruby seemed more like son
10 her than a neighbor. Whereupon the
usher looked appropriately sad, and called
the third and last coach. This had yellow
cushions and pink straps, and Mrs. Moriaty
didn't hesitate to protest that in the death of
Mr.. Ruby the community had met loss it
was not possible to recover from, and that she
would follow him to his last resting place if
she had to do it on her knees and would feel
grateful for the opportunity. Then the third
and last coach filled and drove off to take its
place in the line, and Mrs. Moriaty dried her
tears, choked back the sorrow of her heart
with one mighty gulp, and strobe into her
own house, shutting the front door without
the aid of the knob. She told Clarinda that
it was the scaliest affair that she ever went to,
and had it not been for the body, there would
have been no funeral at ALL
bas" A rural couple come to town last week
to see the wonders of Woods Museum, and
stopping square in front of the structure,
they gazed intently at its dazzling frontage.
At last the young man, overcome by feelings,
frightened his arms around his companions
waist and said:
'1'll bet know what you are thinking of,
Salina"
"I'll bet you DON'T" said Salina.
"You was thinking that you wished me and
you was married and living in snch house
as that-come now, wasn't you, Salina ?"
"No, you fool, 1 was thinking whether l fed
them hogs their swll this morning before we
started-for if I didn't father'll skin me alive
when get home"
s6g- A very Daniel of a judge lives in Mem