, 1873-09-14

Eroat III tlo other ntilo, can't wc? Speak
cant wq? And you'll fo2rgiye my bong for just
doorge b1oomcd. ALBERT Webster, Jr,
HUMoR.
The oysG5nene s }1 a. groSa;ing for tho LIST of sop-
-Arbuohle goos to Now York with Gilmore,
and there will 10 no more cornot in Boston-cx-.
copt in johnny-cake, nays the Lowell Courier.
-Lottor-carriers state that young ladics gcn~
orally write I" Private" OH the corners Of tloit
postnl cardo.
First loBson in kiasing-Tho gentleman
clean face, Il hind eyo, and mouth full Of ex4
prosaion, instead Of tobacco.
-1ntcroating Invalid -" Doctor, want my
husband to tako mo to Paris. Now, do toll MO
what complaint ought to hayo." And that's
whit tho bill was for.] -
An English jury recently returned = yordict
house for al that"
An unfortunate in indianapolis who lost
several toes by o Cur. wheel. was consoled by an
Irishn,an near by with 'Wl1islt, there, You're
making more noieo than mony mnu I've aeon
with his head off,"
"A Danbury boy wants to know If It is right
for his folks to pay $500 for piano for l,s pis-
ter, and mako him pick borrics for circus money.
An Indiana lady Of IN original turn OF mind
haaea her application for 4 divorce on tho cir
cumstnnce that her husbands legs aro too long
for her to keep step with him Wlen thoy take =
walk together.
"A st. Paul roman who used to keep three
girls now does her own work chcoriully. Sha
found her husband throwing kiBHes at thom.
a young lady in Gloucester is chargod with
keeping light burning in tho par1or until very
lato on Sunday night, i'll order to harrow tho
sensitive feelings of m onyionB ueighbor into
tho boliof that Bllo has really got beau.
( p3,ntH i TIM ri. fr,
you feel uncomfortable after you lIayo tloua
wrong ?" "Aly papas big leather alrap," foel~
ingly replied the boy.
An Eugls14nan who Ia Waiting in Danbury,
BAYS he has but poor ido. Of . country that haa
to gpt ita weather from the Government.
Cruelty To animals throwing phya:o to tle
dogs.
"A bridal procession in Milwaukee, was fout
honrs passing given point. Tho point was a
saloon.
"A man in Yates County, n. T., who has beon
IN inyeterato amokor for fifty years. has sud
dcnly md permanently given it up. He knocked
tho ashea off his pipe into keg OF blasting
powder.
Tho American peoplo will bo relieved to-
learn that tue forty, eight hours' delay in tho
wook was due to tho fact that lle Ind placed
twenty-cisht ears Of groen corn in his stomach.
for bis 10 o'clock lunch.
Tho Boston Transcript wanta to know what,
ahe dscontented with her lot?
a few mornings ago, says Kontuc1ty ruEal
paper, We meokly approached nn emigraut wagon
aud inquired OF. its arustero proprietor, sWhthor
bound?" blo lord removed his quid to the lar
board sdo OF his mouth and coo)ly remarked
"None OF your d-d business" And it wasn't
either.
.--Rccently, whom Young follow in Illinois anled
tho father Of lis loyo for permission, etc, etc.
he received tho following roply: Yes, tako:
her, and welcome. She's run away with o.
| achool,naster. alopod with Snowman, shot n
wild cat, and whipp;cd nc her MOTHER and tho'
1t is singular what n littlc thing will put n
man out. A Jersey. City. lawyor was making q
high-hown spscch tho other day, telling about
! angols toara, WHOM Ills Honor said: "Contnot
| sat down.
Not long ago. in the Court Of Appeals, o.,
certain lanyor of Celtic extraction, while argungf
with oarneatnoss his case, stated o point and
am wrong in this, have another point that is'
Young Laird Ito nowly-appointed footmap) =
"Wcll, Donald how DO you like trousers ?
anything but Ailts): ''Awoel. bir, I find 'em yora
uncomfortable aboot tho slceyos "--Punch.
"A Mormon fsrmor succeeded in playing 4,
thorough confidence game on the potato-bngn<l
and, Us the corn camo up first, the bugs thought
1t was corn-fold, aud started for other scenes.
Boston Young Lady (Hho takes no interest
In poltics)-Paph, ie Butler going to die soon
Paph-No, my dear, I hope not. DoBtou Young
Lady-Well, then, you needn't sayo mo tia
papers my morc.-Neao York Commercial Ad-
ue'Iiser.
4 school committee In Illinois brought chargos
tue other day against one Of tho local teachers,
the specifications Of which arc as follows I'll
| immortality q. Parehality; 9. Keeping disordly
aohoal; 4. CARRYING. unla!le woepings" Tho
| man WHO wrote this charge Intends to keep tho
"schoal" himself next session.
-A Ban Francisco mner has invented l. 1At
| which will probably soil we'll. In caaes whore
blushing is not 90 spontaneous as 1t might 10,
or used to be. When tho woaror bowa or lowor1
compress tho arterloR on oach side Of the TENS
ples, aenliug tho blood at onco to tho cheeks.
| Tho most appalling case Of deafncas That we
ever canlo Across ousBlde Ut IN asylum was that
from tho Navy-Yard Tho other da, thoy fired
| aaluto of twenty -ono gunB. Tho old Indy was
observed to atnrt aud liston rs tho last gun was
1rod, and tlon Hlo exclaimed, "Corne in!"
| People who carry $500 Government noteB 10
pay stage fares and DO their markoting with will
be glad to road tho rosut Of tho elaborate coi'.-
parison OF tle now counterfeit with the genuine
Issue. Doubtless thcro will DO agroat ovorhanl-
nssve5sy s s ro s s s M sete oa ao os N @
cot,ntorfets by llis thoughtful o1presBon.-Ne'o
| York Tribune. ,.,..
An old Troy rivor-msn says l!o is disgusted
tp hesr roo'e nowadays I 10 o. Low wmne 5r
we'll years ago. wllon tho rIyer 1, was Low; o ~
aeyorates that ono time all tho raabohBefs OF
| tlc Now York boat had to oloao tloir winlows
during tlo ontiro t.ip down because rho steam~
| or's wheole raiaea sncll q dust.
Tho lady who tapped hor hnnbHna 3,'1 ID gently
+" Love, its growing late think wo had better
70 home, IL tho Halno ono who, nftor getting
home, ul1ouk tic rolng-pn under his noao aud
said ''Yon internal oItl scollntlrel. you II you
ever look at ti.t neal, nasty, caoo-facods
mae.sorel-oyed thing that you looked ut to-nlghtt
III bust your head witle opcn,"- ,"-E1change