New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1873-04-25

udklC tuDt III StIulhCISlhA
petitors being. all healthy, broad breasted
fellows, the contest was close. We have
been furnished by disinterested observer
with the following:
FIRST BLOW.
George Washington. ....... .'..'........''''S.
Albanian Lincoln. ..
Horace Greeley tmiIsd)
Henry Lonafellow '''''''V'
Several other entries were made, but
broke up. owing TO coughing. Greeley and
| Longfellow having been dropped under the
rule, the contest between the highest hio~-
ers resulted as follow;
James Madison. ....'''''''''''ss 'sS 70
Abraham Lincoln.
Amid repeated rounds OF deatening ap-
plause, James Madison was then invested
with medal for rapid, correes and long
sustained reading.
Order having been restored, the teacher
| submitted 10 the same class "the solution
of g.is puzzle" Boys, in tho Oration just
| read there is q category, or list Of nomina-
tives. This list, yeu will see, consists Gf
| Modocs, Indians inhabiting other territory,
in fostering condition. frontier settlers,
broken faith Sheridan mSssacres' and
slaughtered buffaloes.' There is q concati-
nation of substantives all in search Of q
verb with which they may agree. This one
little verb, which the dozen substantives
lay hold OF, is in the future tense, will rise.
1t is plain, some arrangement must be made
among the competitive nouns, or this unfor-
tunate and much married verb will be
torn into 'demniton bits among them.
TIE question, then, for the eolored gram
matical class is this: Will the Modocs rise
this summer or those fostering fellows. or
the Sheridan massaeres, with twenty NOR
tai murderers on their crown, or the slaugh-
tered butfalOesf'
The answers were very contradictory.
On kalloting for the nominations there
were found: For the Modocs, 6; for General
Sheridan, g. for the " fostering 100, ,00o,"" 2;
| for the slaughtered buffaloes,'7.
The teacher then kindly said: "Boys =!
you have all done well, but it lie my duty
70 tell you that there is no solution to this
puzzle. II could only be decided by the
| oracle which pronounced it. No human
grammarian could determine. ], there
fore"
At this stage q very small oolored boy,
in whose eyes might be seen the acute PER
eeption OF the metaphysician directing the
sagacious intent of business, arose.
Teacher" he cried, in q singulariy shrill
voice, "Pve got itf'
There was disposition 70 jeef this am
| bilious infant, which was instantly checked
| by q o supernatural frown from ono of the
| directors present. Come forward, John
C. Calhoun" kindly said the teacher. land
| tell us what you know about English gram
| mar" please, teacher" said John C.,
1.-The verb will rise this summer, can not
have already isep this winter, nor by those
fostering fellows, because when any body
is so far gene as that, they cant mako a
| raise, nor BY broken faith nor nassaeres
nor slaughtered buffaloes, for all the rise
has been taken out Of them There is
no hing, then, in all this list that can rise
next summer. But there is q word under
stood which explains it all. Il ia the noun
price" By adopting this word We will
have 1.-The Prioe will rise this summer" Tie
price of WHAT OF buffalo hides," OF
course. If mono Of the expressed nornina
tves can rise, we must imply the only one
| that Can. The meaning or intention Of the
sentence ia clear. at is anticipated, not
witbou: reason, that the price OF buffalo
hides will rise this summer"
A general stupefaction attended tAis
solution. A director present who had done
something in the leather linz, exclaimed,
by George, the little dsIkeJ is right
There must be movemeR. III robes and
| sleigh sugs at the North. G'll 60 in as .
buffalo bull, and let she griszies look ont
The teacher addressed the clas4: John
G. Calhoun has come nearer to solving the
puzzle and reading the enigms than all
the rest. Nor am prepared to say that
he has not mes the metaphysical meaning
OF the author. That 10, however, inscrut-
able 60 The grsmmariaRs, and must Pest
xith the Etrurian and other mysteries.
John G. Calhoun, You are miracle Of acute
ness You show The world what the edu-
Gated intellect OF the Ethiopian, under the
tuition of s PenObscot gramnarisn, can
effect. You will be decorated with @
special medal as soon as it can be manu-
tactured In the IL santime you must have
brain rest, and will 60 crab fishing for five
consecutive days Alter that, you vii
take up integral calculus and ,nixed
mathematics, as applied by The cOmpu
tatoT. by special trigononetry Of tbs &c
centric hyperbola aud pArAbuls of the
elliptic orbit Of she apheliSu and perihe!ior
Of she neat comet"
CSlhoun received this fre a. shOrt range
without finshing, and withdrew 30 e1pi
ate his sentence. The class dismissed, ths
gentlemen present exclaimed, Wonderful
coDclusisei That boy has compreheuded
tho Pseasuas's language. He will either
graduate in the insane aEy lum, fill . pr"
fessorship OF sanserit in Poiyglott eoll'Ke
or ascend TO enlneDce III the Intern Ati0nsl
Peace Association. Time will decide Mean
while, 1T has established beyond question
at least the equal Intnt.l voucrs IL the
coloytd y. 0pl.. d" sou mot think 30, gen
tIem.o &l-"W. d. W. ,.."
"A --.