Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-12-10
General ItemS.s

I
cations We're she touched her unblush-
ing cheek. al..,a
THERE Is time at which lamb be-
comes mutton; there is time at
which the mint sauce of Irritation has
to be discarded for the current Jelly of
serious intentions.
AT hotel table one boarder remark
ed to his neighbor s'This must be q
healthy place for chickens "Why?"
asked the other. Because never
see any dead ones hereabouts."
OFF and on-The man who gets of,
may get offer, but he can't hope to
reach the superlative; while the man
who gets on, we are told, may get hon.
or, and by possibility, honest.
Mr.. CHARLES THAwsoN recently ran
his head against young lady during a
cotillion. "Ah excuse me, deah, The
cried, 8 did it hurt, ah 3" Ono, sir"
she replied, otis too soft to hurt any
thing"
A GENTLEMAN travelling in Ireland
said to very importunate beggar,
"Your have lost all your teeth" The
beggar quietly answered, can it's time
parted with UNI when I'd nothing for
UNI to do"
AN Enfield school committee recent
~ asked school-marm, What was
the seed from whence sprung good and
evil /" The school-marm answered
meekly that she wasn't posted in the
seed business" and the matter was al
lowed to drop.
The Mayor of Keokuk recently dis
charged such of the Jail boys of could
say the Lords Prayer. Then lawyer
offered to bet him Eve dollars that he
could not say it himself. He declined
on the ground that he didn't gamble.
A QUAINT old clergyman once took as
a foundation for few remarks, "The
world, the flesh and the devil" By
way of preface he said, CT shall
touch lightly on the world, speak brief
ly of the flesh, and hasten on to the
devil"
AN inscription on mural tablet,
recently put up in rural church, is
amusing. It ends:
she was neglected by his doctor;
Treated cruel by his nurse;
His brother robbed his widow I
That makes the matter worse"
AN American gives this report of his
London travels: "I asked the dis
lance. We'll, said my informant.
1T amt very far. It's about five drinks
and cigar off if you walk, or two
drinks if you ride That's a way
they have Of measuring distances in
London"
A CINCINNATI firm lately received
letter from a correspondent in Missis-
sippi, saying 8 Gents, [ am Due you
s26 10-100 which pleas hold up on me
a few days [ happen to misfortune
the day weeks ago & I had to kill
man in Self Defense which my Lawyer
fee cost me 500 90 which throws me
behind little [ am all right now.''
The young orator in Illinois, who, in
a recent speech, threatened to 'sgrasp
ray Of light from the great orb of
day, spin it into threads of gold, and
weave shroud in which to wrap the
whirlwind which dies upon the bosom
of our Western prairies has conclu-
ded it wouldn't pay.
The following epigram was made
when DR.. Goodenough, Bishop of Car
Isle, was one day appointed to preach
before the House If Peers:
It's well enough that Goodenough
Before the lords should preach
For sure enough they re bad enough
| He undertakes to teach.
ONE of the late boys, while reading
chapter in Genesis, paused to ask
his mother whether the boys in clden
times used to do their sums on the
ground 1t was discovered that he had
been reading the passage, And the
sons of men multiplied on the face of
the earth"
The Congregationalist says: One
of our New England cities had min
lister who, on one and the same Sab
bath, preached as follows Afternoon
subiect-The incontrovertible mex
haustibility of Gods providence
Evening-The indubitable, angelic
acclamation of the inefable austerity
of the approaching woes" And he
still lives.
A COLONY of wasps built their nest
| few weeks ago, in church Extensively
near the choir. The sexton being APP
pealed to, he said: "I'll FIX the ras-
calls !" and proceeded to burn the
wasps out. The next day, while gazing
at the ruins of the church, the sexton
was heard to remark: ssI knew I
could fix the rascals; but I'm sorry
the church went along with 'en Incl
dehtally."
AUNT ETHEL-But when his brethren
next saw Joseph, they found him in a
position of great authority and power.
Alice-Was he King, aunt Ethel 2
Aunt Ethel-No. But be was very
hieh-nearly next to the King.
Alice (who is fond of cards)-Was he
a Knave, then
The Fother day railway accident
evoked this bit of evidence
"Having put my great-coat inside
the carriage, got upon the step to go
inside myself
We have heard people described as
being "self contained" and this cpl
tibet, we fancy, is the right oDe to ap-
ply to person who is able to go inside
himself.
ENcoREs take novel form in Dub
lin. Three or four hundred citizens
recently followed popular singer to
the Shelburne Hotel, where she was
staying, and demanded that she should
repeat, on the balcony, the airs which
had SO captivated them during the
tbo o~oro bo,,co Ubo