Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-09-24
Now to Tell Shoddv.

A voice-''But how con vou telI
'shoddy' people, Mr.. Perkin,?'
This way, my friends. When n
strange family arrives at our hotel
We must watch them closely.
Divinity puts up certain infaIliLis
signs to distinguish the Ignorant
and vulgar from the children o:
culture and virtue.
First-lf the lady comes into thc
psrlof with . diamen ring ON the
outside of her glove, il Is safe TO ask
her how much she gets . week.
wHoar, hesrl" and ssveal ! die.
put their hands under their p,, iers.
Second-If providence erects q
dyed mustache over the mouth Of tn,
man, is Is TO show that he IL \ gam.
bier ora vulgarsn. (Cheers, when
two Americas Club men, . gambler,
aud four Plug Uglies from la timore
put their hands over their mus
Thiri-If, when tina. new family
gentlemen rush ahea i,:leaving the
ladies to follow. there 10 something
"shoddy" somewhere.
FOurth-If the man presents the
ladies to gentlemen. instead OF vice
versa, ana they all shak' hands OH 2
6rst presentation, then you mo.
know they hail from Oil City.
Fifth-lf, when they 90 into dinner,
they DO nothing but loudly order the
walters around, and talk about the
wine, you can make up your mind
that they arc the first walters they
have ever had and the only wine they
ever drank. II they pick their teoth
at the table, or take out their falls.
teeth aud rinse them in the tumblei
la voice, Shoot 'cm on tho spot'-
yes, my frieuds, say that to thei.
teeth.
Sixth--If, when the gentleman sits
in the parlor talking to a lady, he
doesn't sit up straight, but aprawls
all over the sofa, puts the soles Of his
boots on h, lady's dress, OH the
furniture, or wipes his shors on his
white linen pantaloons, you'd better
refuse al Introduction to him. ZAP.
applause, when eight young fellowf,
who sat with their legs radiating liE.
the wings ofa Windmill, or sprawlin2
one foet cross-legged in the open air
whirlcd themselves right sido up.)
Scventh-If the ladies in that party
white.wash their faces, rodden Their
lips, black their eyebrows or bronze
or yellow their hair, just you thint
this 10 smother sign which Provi
denee PIT, up so you can ahna,- them
Enumc'- xnd dyed hair are socia
beac on-lights to enable you to keep OF
the rocks Of Cypria. just you keel
away from such people, for they arr
wolves in sleeps clothing.
| Voice from young lady-"But w
want to look beautiful. Mr.. Per
klna."
But this will not make you beau
tiful, my children. Any sweetheart
who is so shallow as to take white.
wash for the human skin. or rouge
for the rosc-checks of nature, is toe
much OF q saphead to make good
husband, and if hc is smart enough I,
see through your deception, why he
will surely leave you in disgust. Zap.
plausc by the gentlemen while severa
ladies wiped their faces with thcii
pocket hankcrcliels.
Eighth-lf, When this family &c,
into their Garage to ride to the lake
the young ladies appear in gaudy
colors, throw over there laps brish,
yellow and red or blue afghan, and
the coachman wears gold hat bant
aud a sprawl-tailed yellow livery
with velvet collar, and hold brass
bespanglcd horses by white reins, yol
may know that the owner Keeps
livery stable, and this is his frs
carriage. (Voice-'llit en- again
ET."O No, my friends. I've said out