The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-08
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES,


cal exchange:
The President has rendered Senator Yate'
the position of general director of the Pacific
railroad 1t is suggested that he be made tho
spiritual director.
An old bachelor remarks:
1t costs as much to launch woman ON the
sea of matrimony as it would to fit out q
schooner; in the matter of keeping up the
rigging the difference is largely in favor OF
the schooner.
He might have added to his naughty'tycal
remarks that either is liable to sink and ruin
the stakeholder.
A rural poet in view of the war between
the farmers and the railroads, gets off the fol
lowing poetry:
1t is the jolly farmer man,
With sweet and pensive smile,
That says he'll pay the railroad man
Just three cents mile.
A German Psychologist has discovered that
tobacco smoking by boys "interferes with the
molecular changes concident with the devcl-
opment of tissue, and makes the blood cor
puscles oval and irregular at the edge" Any
parent can thus ascertain if his boy smokes
by merely taking out II handful of his blood
corpuscles and observing their edges.
We publish this valuable piece Of informa-
ton for anxious parents who have suspi-
cion that their sons have become addicted to
the filthy habit of chewing tobacco.
A newspaper pays the following tovching
compliment to an opponent:
The Farmer City Journal has adopted for
its motto: sour aim-To Fear God, Tell
the Truth, and Make Money" You can't do
il, Harper; it isn't in you, and the three pro
positions don't hitch well together anyhow.
The State Register calls out loudly for
new reform at the capital of this state. II is
only this; it can't tolerate baulky horses on
steam fire engine. 1t took large crowd of
men and driver who is considered the cham
pion cussist of the west, two hours to get
team hauling steamer to pass the printing
offices, one night lately, on the way to fire,
The Kankakee gazette is responsible for
this, on bright boys:
KNEW ALL ABOUT IT-'The County Clerk
Of this county has IA yOungster two years and
"a half old that deserves a place among
the rising young men of the age. His mater
nal was catechsing him on his Sabbaths
lesson, which happened to be the story of
Joseph and his brethren. The youthful
scholar felt pretty well posted on the subject
and seemed rather indifferent as TO his re
sponses. But the question, "What did Jacob
say when the brethren returned without their
young BROTHER" elected the following com
prchensivc answer:
well, boys! hitch up the mules and we'll
hn1 bot
ter keep an eye on that shavcr--Wm. Jr.
Some husbands are apt to be FESTIVE under
the charge of being henpecked:
4 Waupaca man had heard it intimatcd on
the street. the other day, that he was hen
pccked. He went home and thrashed his
wife, tore up two or three of her best dresses
opened all the doors and windows in the
house, and sat down in the parlor with his
feet on the centre table among Il collection off
choice books, and smoked his pipe. lie thinks
the world is convinced now that he is boss of
the rancho.
Major Zeb Crummet, in his lecture, New
Tangled Notions" says: 1T requires more
brains to run a popular local newspaper than
is usually carried under the hat of the Pres
ident of the United States"
A Pittsburgh editor calls woman the "sup-
pressed SEX" This is sitting. The idea OF
sudpressing "a sex that does a third of the
work of the world, takes equal position with
man in literature and art, on the platform and
on the stage, while surprising him in singing
by political disabilities, is quite as absurd AS
TO think of suppressing prairie fire with
bandanna handkerchief or eXtinguishing the
sun with an umbrella.-Golde,S Age.
A reader writes to the Baltimore SIM that
he takes nostock in the new woman's club"
He says the "old woman's club is enough
for him, and frequently almost too much
An exchange says that u lady writes us very
feelingly upon the subject ofthe latest fashions.
She says that we editors ought to give them "a
public condemnation, and then adds, IL wish 4
you would try your hand on their india rub.
Der buslcs." Dangerous experiment that
We are very careful where we put our hands
THE SHoPPER-Thc Cincinnati Comlaercial
prints this Ballad by clerk who parts his
hair in the middle"
She stood beside the counter
The day III nc'er forget
She thought the Muslin Dearcr
Than any she'd seen yet
| watched her playful fingers
the silk IL Satin toss
the clerk looked quite uneasy
and nodded at the boss
Show me some velvet ribbon
Bcrage n satin dark
She said | want To purchase
Then gave the goods a Jerk
The clerk was all obedience
He Travelled ON his shape
at Length with Hesitation
She bought yard Of tape
The De Kalb Necs is astonishing itself and
It's rural readers with the discovery that lady
there has a copy of the Ulster Gazette, n. Y,
printed in 1900. There are over 100000 of
those Gazettes in the country. They are
printed from time to time in New Jersey, and
sold for % cents each. They are as ignorant
OF the antiquity claimed, as most of the
relics Of the great Chicago and Boston fires,