River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-12-05
All sorts Of Pararranbs.


Keama being especially valuable.
BY Kansas City editor the fluid that
propels the Geographic dispatches is
called "electnc tightening" to dis
tinguish it from that other sort.
A KANSAS paper says "The CAV
jumping grasshopper, the brown-colos-
ed grasshopper, the cussed old grass
hopper is here"
VICTOR EMANUEL wears moustache
so long that, as he rides, it floats back
like the waving locks of young girl.
His beard also reaches TO his breast.
WHAT is the difference between a
tube and a foolish Dutchmani One ia
a no ow cylinder and the other silly
Hollander.
! A HAPPY misquotation by young
lady, whose gentleman caller staid too
late, caused speedy goodbye. The
clock struck II, and she remarked
Now is the watching hour of night
when people yawn."
FASHION presents some curious prob
lens. When skirts were worn three
yards in diameter, eighteen yards of
material were enough for dress, but
now they are made to fit closely to the
figure at least thirty yards are required.
AN English marketman has written
to the Lo IA Times a letter, in which
he states that the English poor are
very unreasonable in complaining of
the scarcity of meat when rabbits are
only fifteen cents pound
New beds of coal have been discov-
cred in Croatia, extending over about
ten geographical miles The biologists
sent to the spot have noticed three
veins fit for working. extending, in lines
parallel to each other, over length of
from five to eight leagues.
FIRST colored woman--Is you gwine
to set up wild de copse tonight Sec
ond do-No, my husband won't let me.
First womm-Sha neber seed such
a husban' as you is got. He neber
!" wants you to see any pleasure.
A DOCTOR lives in the Fauberg st Ho-
more, Paris, over poulterer's shop.
Their signboards, perhaps, do not
clash. The first announces that the
surgeon is Visible at all hours" and
the second. " Killing every day on the
premises.
A KIND father tried to encourage his
son to rise early by relating the old
story of a person who, early one morn
inc, found purse of gold. "'Well,"
replied the youth, but the fellow
who lost the purse rose earlier, you
know"
ACCORDING to the London Spectator
the honest Chinese "have discovered
that tea leaves mixed with dung, iron
filings, and other substances, powdered
fine, suit the English market, and are
sending compounds of this sort over in
huge masses"
AUNT ETHEL-"But when his breth
rem next saw Joseph, they found him
in a position OF great authority and
power" Alice-"Was he a king,
Aunt Ethel?" Aunt Ethel" No; but
he was very high-nearly next to the
king" Alice (who is fond of cards)
-" Was he knave, then ~
AM economical bridal pair at Spr ing
field partook of their wedding feast,
composed OF smoked herring, crackers
and cheese, spread cut on the head of
a barrel. A meddlesome crowd around
the door was dispersed by the bride,
who exclaimed, "What'n thunder You
lookin' at.
" Ii boys and girls" said a clergy
man at Evanston, ILL.,, edo their spark.
ing at church, | say amen to it. Ihave
daughter whom | cherish as the
apple of my eye. When she is of SUIT
able age | had rather she would be
COURT j in the house of God than in the
theatre.
A MAN at Logansport, Ind, who sub
scribed $4,000 to a Universalist college
OF that place year or two since, now
refuses to pay his subscription on the
ground that he was insane. The trus-
tees, however, do not believe in such
emotional insanity, and have sued him
for the money.
A GERMAN banking house in Bruins
wick has pasted in its window a hum
dred dollar share of one of-until late
ly-the most popular banking enter
prises of the German Empire, with the
following pathetic inscription:
"Worth last spring $3.50. Worth now
o."
A YOUNG lady upDralded an admlrer
for his flirtations during a long alb
sence. You are too bad to be par
doned, 4" she said, "but if | discard you
/ shall punish myself most, and so
will ignore what is past, and enjoy
your society as much as | can while /
live, for when L die shall never see
You any more-I am going to heaven"
A VAST deposit of guano, extending
for miles in plain which terminates at
the foot of range of hills, has been
discovered about forty miles from An
tofagosta, in Chilian territory. II is
covered by a crystalline crust, which
has TO be broken through. Great
results in the way OF revenue to Chill
are expected from the discovery Of this
stratum.
IT is proposed to submit to the peo-
pie of Michigan an amendment to tho
Constitution providing that an annual
tax of $500 be imposed on each person
engaging in the traffic in intoxicating
drinka that 10 engage in tho hua;paga