The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-05-09
scrssoRrNcs.


1.-The world estimates men by their
success in life. and. by general con-
sent. success is evidence of superior
ity.''
T live in my loves eye. said Ian
gushing Jones. 81 believe you, my
boy" said rude Brown, for shes got
sly aa il. .
"Well, that's cool!" as the boy
said when he broke through the ice.
That's too thinr' as the man said
when be pulled him out.
4 woman, on marrying, needs to
pray for one of two things in her hus-
band-the love which blinds or the
good nature which excuses.
"Why should We celebrate Wash
ington's birthday more thae mine?"
asked teacher. because he never
told lie!" shouted little boy.
The difference between q country"
and city greenhorn is, that the
ore would like to know everything,
and the other thinks he can tell him.
a German who was lately married
says, 1t vas easier for needle to
walk out of camel's eye than for
mans to get der lasht word NIT a voo-
mans.
The plant of the bachelor will be
heard no more in the land. An in
genious mechanic has invented a
button that can be sewed on with
screw driver.
The legal ignoramuses who drew
up the indictment against Miss Susan
B. Anthony accuse her of being "a
person of the female sex" Take any
shapebut that.
Cicero said: "As approve of q
boy that has something of the old
man IN him, so am no less pleased
with the old man that has something
of the youth.
Josh Billings gives the following
advice to young men: Don't be dis
couraged If yer mustach don't grow;
it sometimes happens where mus
tach duz the best nothing else duz so
we'll.
Thin party Ito street urchin).-I
boy, what do you suppose that dog
is following me for?" The youngster
casts knowing look at him and read
lily replies: Guess he takes you for
q bonel'
Western papers are vigorous, if not
elegant. in the use of language. An
Indianapolis daily speaks of a rival
editor as ''the red headed beer-b bar |
rel who presides over the columns of
that sheet"
Jerrold once went to q party at
which Mr.. Pepper had assembled his |
friends; and said to his host on enter
ing the room-''My dear Mr.. Pepper,
how glad you must be to see your |
friends mustered
''Of all the reverses experienced |
by me, said a pennrious Cresus,
dwelling in fashionable avenue, ";he |
only one that gave me satisfaction |
was my discovery that could reverse |
paper shirt collars
An old minister, the other day ask |
ed a woman what could be done to |
induce her husband to attend church |
81 don't know" she said, unless
you were to put pipe and Jug OF
whiskey in the pew"
Here is an Oriental maxim, just |
translated: IF man knows what he |
knows, be will lead happy life |
II a man does not know, he may lead /
tolerable life. But if a man does
not know that he does not know he |
will lead a miserable life.
The world nowadays presses a gen.
eral education upon us: we need not,
therefore, trouble ourselves further
about that, but should rather devote |
ourselves to specialities. A business
education will be found most proita-
BILE OF all.
a husband who was known to be
under wifely dominion, appearing one
morning with sundry scratches on his
forehead, was asked if they were
marks of the cbicken-pox. Worse
than that he replied: they're the
marks of the hen-peckr'
An old farmer said to his sons:
"Boys, don't you ever spekerlate or
wait for something to turn up. You
might just as well 60 and sit down
on stone in the middle of medder,
with q pail 'twixt your legs, an wait
for COW to back up to you to be
milked."
Jinks had been indulgiDg too fire.
quently in ardent spirits. At street
corner his bat dropped into the gut
ter. Says Jinks: Il know-if I pick
you up I'll fall--If I fall you won't
p hic-me-h -hic-up-Good nightr'
And he walked off with a smile of
satisfaction, describing innumerable
zig-zags as be went, leaving his hat
IN the gutter.
Mr. Jones, who rigidly adhered
to the rules of etiquette, went home
one night and found his wife sitting
in another mans lap. Next day he
told friend of the Circumstance.
What did you do about it,. said
his friend.
.Do?" replied Mr.. Jones. "What
IN thunder could [ do? I never had 1
an Introduction to the man."
A Kentucky editor received the
following note from a subscriber,
asking that false notice of his death
might be corrected: Sir, j not is a
few errors in tie obituary of myself
which appeared in your paper of last
wensday, i was born in greenup co,
not caldwell, and my retirement from
Il I