Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-06-11
PHUNNYGRAMS.

An opera-singer's most treasured Jewel
Her precious tones.
-Query-Are the Michiganders any re-
lation to the Portuguese, and if 80, how
much and what?
To pondents-Declined, with
thanks, "Castor Oil and Senna," "A Night
in the RAIN" "Kicks and Cuffs" and
"Good Advice"
One of the most eventful epochs in a
boys history is when he first addresses his
father as the "old man." It is a patriarchal
term, and if the boy is rightly treated af-
terward by the family physician, he lives
great many years to enjoy it.
An angry teacher was whipping
pupil, and having prolonged the exercise
Tar beyond the bounds of moderation, the
boy looked up and calmly said, "Come,
sir, you must be tired; let's take a rest;'
and he wrested the whip from the teach
er's hand.
An auctioneer, at sale Of antiquities,
put up helmet, with the following can
did observations: "This, ladies and gen.
tlemen, is helmet of Romulus, the Ro-
man founder; but whether he was a brass,
iron, or type founder, cannot tell"
You never know the latent talent in q
washstand TIL you try to move one. Just
to look at it one would think it could be
moved with all the crockery on it; but
when you pick it up the Washbowl and
pitcher waltz around so that you are
obliged to set them down to prevent frac-
ture. Then the drawer comes out and
spills everything you have lost in three
months over the floor, and when you get
on that side to keep the drawer in the
doors fly open and bark your shins.
When you get to the door all the corners
hit promiscuously, and you get the skin
knocked off from three knuckles of one
hand; but that makes you just mad
enough to finish the job in twenty-three
seconds-and the washstand. The safest
way is to hire man on fair salary, and
charge him for breakage .-Utica Herald.
-Gumbs had his roof fixed the other
day, and before he went down town he
ordered his hired girl to clean the SCOT out
OF the chimney by exploding little gun
powder in the f1ue. She is a girl who has
never had much to do with powder, so she
put about fifteen pounds in keg and
placed it in the chimney. Just as she
struck the match, one Of the men on the
roof leaned over the top Of the chimney
to give some directions to the man who
was wal IHlIS up Tie gTdVel GOWN In the
street. Suddenly he heard a dull thud,
and the next minute he was progressing
with frightful rapidity toward the region
OF eternal snow. He had a magnificent
bird's-eye view Of the country, with the
Atlantic ocean on the one hand and the
Rocky Mountains on the other; but, Just
as he reached the finest altitude for an OBJ
servation, he suddenly concluded to come
down. All the papers next day gave an
account of a meteoric body that had been
observed in the heavens Immediately over
the Fifteenth ward, and the astronomer in
the High School observatory was so GER
tain that he had discovered a new comet
that he telegraphed the fact all over the
country. Strange to say, the roofer lit in
the very same chimney he had left so
abruptly few minutes before, and went
through to the kitchen, where he burst out
ON the hired girl and seized her by the
collar, and asked her what she meant.
She is still in fits from the shock of the
fright, and Gumb's roof is not yet repair
ed.-Mar Adeler.