Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-11-19
FacetIa.

mbs, is inundated with nuptial offers.
The 'schiel amang ye takin' notes,
is now taking certified checks.
PROFESSOR LEWIS r. PACKARD, of
Yale College, is seriously Ill.
GEORGE SHOE applies for divorce at
right.
ROSCOE CoNKLING has sold his Wash
lngtcn residence for S27, OOO-s1O, 900
more than 1T cost him.
A YOUNG man at musical partv be-
ing told to "br1ng out the old Ivre.n
brought out his motherin-law
OYSTERS are advertised at seventy
tive cents the half dozen in Salt Lake
City. '-' ~
HE burglars jimmy is a curious
boy :; he is always prying into other
peoples business.
WHILE witnessing game of base
ball out west, a boy was struck on the
back Of his head, the bawl coming out
of his mouth.
TOMMY can't see why people will per-
slst in calling what Shakespeare wrote
his works, when we all know the book
is filled with plays.
IT IS suggested that Mr.. Sumner
print his lecture on the " Unity of the
Republic, ," since he is too infirm to de-
liver it in public.
PUNCH wishes to know what is the
difference between fixed stars and shoot
ing stars. The answer is, that the one
are suns and the otlior darters.
A BERKs COUNTY farmer sent an or
der, lately, for clock. He said he
should prefer one made by Tempus
Fugit, as all the best clocks in the
neighborhood had that name on the
face!
"SMAL1 thanks to you, SIR" said
a plaintiff to one Of his witnesses. ''for
what you have said in the cause" 'sAh
SIR" said the conscientious witness,
"but just think of what didn't say /"
A VERMONT woman who recently fol-
lowed the remains of her rather irregu-
lar husband to the grave, afterward
remarked that she had one consolation
she knew now where he slept nights.
EsDD David. son of Jesse, murder
Uriah, the Hittii 2" We give it up.
With the Goodrich and the Nathan
murders still unsolved we caDnot go
back to Uriah's case.
AN editor once wrote: eve have
received a basket of strawberries from
Mr.. Smith, for which receive our COM
pliments, some OF which are four inches
in circumference.
Mr.. SMITH is bound to have his joke.
His wife walked nearly in front of :,
railroad train the other day, and he
said if she bad gone a step farther his
children would have had a step-mo-
Their.
ENGLISH tourist (having arrived at
Greenock- on Sunday morning)-"M My
man, what's your charge for rowing
me across the Frith?" Boatman-
'EWeel, sir, 7 was jist thinkin' I Gamma
break the Sawbath day for no less than
fifteen shulln's!"
AN imaginative Irishmen gave utter
ance to this lamentation 81 re-
turned to the halls Of my fathers by
night, and found them in ruins l
cried aloud, My fathers, where are
they? An echo responded-'Is that
you, Patrick MCCARTHY r"
A WITNESS in court, about to be
sworn, being told by the clerk to hold
up his right hand, Immediately held up
his left. "Hold up your right hand. "
ssPlease YOUR honor" said the witness,
still holding up his left hand, I'm
left-handed.
TINS is from the Augusta (Ga.)
! Chronicles: DELINQUENT subscribers
should not permit their daughters to
wear this paper for hustle. There
being so much due on it, there is dam
ger Of taking cold.''
"WHY," asked a governess Of her
little charge, edo we pray to God to
give us our daily bread Why don't
we ask for four days, or five days, or a
week ?'' We want it fresh," replied
the ingenious child.
PRAY, Miss c." said gen.
tleman one evening, why are ladies
so fond of officers 81 Chow stupid"
replied Miss c., +" is it not natural
and proper that lady should like
good offer, sir 2"
HERE is a stanza said to be very pop
ular in the mountains of Virginia:
My uluu Is SUI III tudU IdI-OH 1duC,
Where there's heaps Of salt and streets OF
gold;
Don't git i'll my way you sinful man,
For I'm on my journey home"
81 WANT you to pay me that thirty
five cents you owe me-" roared an in
dignant newsboy to boot-black yes
terday morning Haven't got the
currency, Jamesey," responded the
burnisher, g but I can give you GER
titled check"
A PIoUs but uneducated Judge clos
ed a sentence with the following
touching reproach prisoner at the
bar, nature has endowed you with a
good education and respectable family
connections, instead of which you go
around the country stealing ducks"
AN absent-minded man entered a
Troy shoe store the other day, and
wanted his boy measured for pair of
shoes. but where's the boy?" asked
the dealer. eth under!" said the
man; I've left the boy at home I'll
go and get him - and off he started for
his house, six blocks away.