The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1873-05-24
Domestic Pictures.
A sEAsoNABLE NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. CARPETERs--sT0RY
OF A SICK BoY-A GENERAL Row-THAT CARPET
IS WHIPPED TO YOUR HEARTS CONTENT.

The annual ceremony of taking up, whipping
and putting down carpets is almost upon u.s. 1t
is one of the ills which flesh is heir to, and can
spring day, at peace with the world, and find the
baby with clean face, and you get your favorite
pudding for dinner. Then your wife tells you
how much younger you are looking, and says
she really hopes she can turn that walking dress
she wore last fall and save the expense of a new
suit, and then she asks you il you can't just help
her about taking up the carpet. If you are
fool, and you generally are by that time, you tell
her of course you can, just as we'll as not Then
she gets saucer for the tacks, and stands and
holds it, and then you get the claw and go down
on your knees and begin 10 help her. You feel
qaite economical about the first three tacks, and
take them out carefully, and put them in the
saucer. Your wife is good about holding the
saucer, and beguiles you with an interesting
story about how your neighbor's ii:slc bog, IS I.
expected to live till morning. Then you cor1e
to the tack with a crooked head, ard you get the
claw under il and he head comes off, and the
leather comes off, and the carpet comes off, and
as it won't do to leave the tack in the floor, be-
cause it will tear the carpet when it is P~ .iown
again, you 60 to work and skin your knuckles
and get silver under your thumb nail, and ;ell
your wife to shut up about that everlasting oy,
and make up your mind that it does not m ~
any difference about that tack, and so you be. ia
on the corner where the carpet is doubled two or
three times and has been nailed down with a
shingle nail.
You don't care continental about saving the
nail, because you find that it is not good time
for the practice of economy, but you do feel
little hurt when both claws break off from the
hammer, and the nail does not bulge peg
Then your manhood asserts itself, and you rise
in your might, and throw the carpet claw at the
dog, and get hold OF the cdrpns with hot. sianis
and the air is full Of dust and flying lacks, AMI
thereis fringe of carpet yarn al along Tic mop
board, and the baby cries, and the cat goes any,
where, anywhere out Of the world, and your
wife says you ought to be ashamed OF yourself to
talk so-but that carpet comes up. Then you
lit one side of the stove, and your wife tries TO
.et the carpet from under it, tut can't because
you are standing on it. So you try a new hold,
aud just after your back breaks the carpet is clear
You are not through yet. Your wife don't tell
you any more little stories, but gets your old coat
and hangs it on you and opens the back door and
shows you out and intimates that the carpet
oaeds whipping. When you hang the tormenting
thing across the clothes line the wrong way, and
get it righted, and have it slide eff into the mud
and hang it up again, and get half pint of dust
and three broken tacks snapped out of the north
west corner into your mouth by the wind, you |
make some observations which you neglected to |
mention while in the house. Then you hunt up |
a stick and go for that carpet.
The first blow hides the sun and all the face of |
nature behind cloud of dust, and right in the
centre of that cloud, with the wind square in
Jour face: no matter how you stand, you WELD |
that cudgel until both hands are blistered, and
the milk of human kindness curdles in your
bosom. You can whip the carpet longer or
shorter PERIOD according to the size Of your mad
~--~--ss--ssS--S<f7-T f7-T,
just as dusty and fuzzy and disagreeable after
you have whipped it two hours as it was when
you commenced. Then you bundle it up, with
one corner dragging, and stumble into the house,
and have more trouble with the stove, and fail to
find any way of using the carpet-stretcher while
you stand on the carpet and fail to find any
place to stand off from the carpet, and then you
get on your knees again, while your wife holds
the saucer, and, with blind confidence, hands you
broken tacks, tacks with no points, tacks with no
heads, tacks with no feathers, tacks with the
biggest end at the points. Finally the carpet is
down, and the baby comes back, and the cat
comes back, and the dog comes back, and your
wife smiles sweetly and says she is glad that job
is off her mind. AS it is too late to do anything
else, you sit by the fire and smoke, with the in
ner consciousness that you are the nleanest man
in America. The next day you hear your wife
tell friend that she is so tired she took up and
put down that great heavy carpet yesterday
Utica IN ~ Herald.