The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-06-28
VARIETY.

a straight line is the shortest in morals as in
geometry.
a Kentucky town reports the foundation of a
new order, the members of which - sit around
eat, drink, and pay nothing; sit back and say
nothing" This order is not new.
Douglas JerroId, for long time one of the
editors Of Punch, said that the man never lived
who could make 365 good jokes year, or even
half the number One a week he thought a very
fair allowance.
Vienna actress, deciding to break n marriage
engagement ut the very last moment, sent the
professional excuse, .. ETaulen Galmeyer is un-
fortunately hoarse, and cannot attend the cere-
mOny."
Major Zeb Crummet in his lecture " New Fam
gled Notions, SAYS: - Ii requires more brains
to run popular local newspaper than is usually
carried into the White House under the hat of
tho PEosidSat of ths CDitOd Ssases.''
want 90 be a Modoe
And with the Modoes stand,
A simple "chid Of Naturen
or Captain Jacks command.
It's better far than working
The fsIers do,
To earn ones wrttas regIar
A-shOoging boys blue.
At mission Sunday school little pupil was
eeen crying bitterly. Upon inquiry the teacher
learned that he had lost his mother, and remark
ed to the boys that one knew, until they ex-
perienced it, how hard to bear was such a loss
At this pathetic moment a wicked lad cried out
:" Oh let him wait till he gets a stepmotbcr
Then you III hear him cry :" The wicked lad did
not conclude with statement OF his personal ex-
perience, but perhaps that was because he was
suddenly called 10 order
OBITUARY POETRY-The obituaran who Jerks
sweet poetry for the Philadelphia Ledger had a
rough time in making rhyme TOR the too preya-
lent disease of the season, but finally produced
the following:
Our little saIis did o heaven go;
Rahy life 50 heet Is
She vas afflicted the cerebro-
spinal meningitis.
lis hard TO lose little ssTie so
But The rehec ion sweet is
spinal meningitis.
LAST CHANCE TO APoLoczE-A man IN
Massachusetts had an unreasonable grudge against
his minister that lasted twenty-five years But
at last, the hand of death knocked at the door of
the parishiOner, and be sent for his pastor The
good hastily obeyed the summons with a
solemn delight, as his being thus called showed
mellowing OF the heart of the dying man which
promised reconciliation both with heaven and
himself - You sent for me?" he said, as he
approached the bedside. - Yes" answered the
DYING man. whose breath was now short and
difficult, - have but n few-few hours to live
and sent-sent for YOU to say that-that this is
your last-last chance to apologize
A - DICKENS " BABY-It was n peculiaritv of
this baby 20 be always cutting teeth. Whether
they never came, or whether they came and went
&~ay again. is not in evidence but it had GER
talniy cut eNaugh, on the showing of its mother
TO make a llndsJIrno dental rroysiOn for the SIGN
of the Bull and Mouth All sorts off objects ,rsye
impressed for the rubbing of its gums notTitb
landing that It always carried CfanrIiny ~ It's
waist (Which was Immediately under It's chin)
one rIngr large enough to have represented the
rosary OF young nun. Kniie-handles, urn-
brella-tOps, the heads of walking-sticks selected
from the stock. the fingers Of the family. nutmeg
Zraters crusts, the handles of DOORS and the cool
knobs on the tops of pOkers, were among the
ommOnest instruments indiscriminately applied
II the baby's relief. The amount of electricity
that must have been rubbed out of it in a week
Is not to be calculated. StiII Its mOthOr aIwavs
said, - 1t was coming through, and then the
chid would be herself,'' and sill it never did
come through, and the child continued to be
somebody else.
A SAILORS Description OF a DANCE.-Havez1't
had any fun with the laudlubbers till Thursday
night, at Il dance When / arrived In the cabin
found EN- under way on Spanish dance. Took
ny station an line with Susan Tucker-fell back
nd hlied, then shot ahead two iathons-hauled
p on the starbOard tack to let another craft
Iss. and came stern on another sail, spoke her.
ID bore round against the sun, and fell in with
other sail in full chase Passed twenty sail ON
ne course, and when half across to the other
re, dropped astern-felI back-couldn't ELL. so
go anchor and hauled up for repairs. Next
i was drawn into the current by q cowtil- !
but didn't make much headway-shot ahead /
Betsey Stark, and sailed over to the other /
Took. turn opposite, ran abreast twice !
de other crafts, and back astern again
round 10 starbOard-passed near partners !
and made sail for berth Third time ran /
port to the tune of the tempest, the Yam /
: favOrite. Proceeding along up coast |
to the regular order of sailing-bore |
ain-roUnded to-then passing adversary /
by yard-arm, locked astern with the /
uadron, in circular order of sailing
3 all the time manoeuvering and max |
9 when urder full sail. Finally an.