The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-01-07
Il U MoRous EMS.

dog said when scratching at the door
for bone.
tB- "The things up with him." as
the country boy said of the man in the bal
loon.
CB- The recent marriage of Mr.. Day
with Miss Field presents this singular
anomaly, that although he gained the field
she toon the dag.
GB- A gentleman, coming into the room
of DR.. Barton told him that Mr.. Vowel was
dead. What" said he, "Vowel dead
Let us be thankful it was neither nor i.
GB~A physicians in handing his bill to the
executor of the estate of deceased patient,
asked. "Do you wish to have bill sworn
to?" "No, no." replied the executor,
the death of the decedent is sufficient ev-
idence that you attended him Professionally
GB- The following announcement ap-
peared recently in an English paper est.
James Church-On Sunday next after
noon service will commence at half-past
three, and continue until further notice.
Long service, that.
GB- 1t rather hit the nail on the head
when a lady, on being asked what she
thought was the meaning of the words,
"the pestilence that wall1eth in darkness
answered that, in her opinion, it was bed
bugs" .l,.
GB- A Frenchman, who was exhibiting
| couoa ra1ioc an1 otbar o,,,;oeitiac ,,rod1oad
among other things, a sword, which he as
sured his visitors was the "sword Balaam
had" A spectator remarked that Balaam
had no sword, but only wished for one.
ever well, dis is de one he wished for"
eg" " Was Mr. Brown very popular
man when he lived in your town." inquir-
ed busy-body of his friend. 81 should
think he was, replied the gentleman, Gas
many persons endeavored to prevent his
leaving and several of them, including
the sheriff deputy, followed him for some
distance"
GaS- A Kilkenny sentry challenged an
intruder on the encampment during the
recent English manoeuvres.
Who are you?" said Pat.
"Pm the officer of the day." was the re-
ply.
"Then by all the powers what are you
doing here at night at all, at all ?' imme-
diately asked Pat
ESS- A ten-year-old, boasting to school
mate of his fathers accomplishments, put
it thus My father can do almost any
thing. He's notary public, and he's a
'pothecary, and can pull teeth, and he's
horse doctor, and he can mend wagons and
things, and he can play the fiddle, and he's
a jackass at all trades"
esg- A rough North Carolinian, going
West with his dozen children and two
dozen dogs recently, got on board a steam
er at Kentucky landing, and his first ques-
ton was, "How much will you charge,
Cap'n, to take us to st. LOUISE" "Will
you go on deck or in the cabin?" "Wal,
Cap'n, I've lived in cabin all my life, and
'spose the cabin'll be good enough for
me now"
THE Bishop of Wurtzburg once asked
a sprightly little shepherd boy:
"What are you doing here, my lad"
"Tending swine"
"How much do you get?"
Gone florin week."
81 also am shepherd" continued the
bishop, "but have a much better salary"
) "That may all be, but then suppose
you have more swine under your care"
, innocently replied the boy.
TB- A few days ago the inhabitants of a
country town in England were filled with
conjecture at the following sign, painted in
large capitals on the front of house re-
) Gently fitted up and repaired: "Mrs
Brown, dealer in all sorts of ladies'" All
was codsternation. Inquiry was instantly
set on foot as to who this Mrs. Brown might
: be, but no one could tell. She was a
stranger in the town. The second week
! after the mystery was unraveled. The
house painter returned to finish his work,
and concluded by adding, "and gentle
mems wearing apparel"
eY- At the last school exhibition of q
town in Maine the following essay received
the prize:
On the turkle. This animal is found
most always in the water and then he
comes on dry land. The turkle cannot fly.
If he was the right kind of bird he could
fly. The turkle has four paws and mouth
. like the American eagle, which makes the
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