Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-10-24
TRAVELLING FEMALES.
How One of Them Tormented n Man

an. Quad" of the Detroit Free
Press, "took charge of a lady," on
railroad car, the other day, and thus
details his woes:
Perhaps the man meant to do me
favor when he came up to me at
the depot, with spinster hugging
his arm, and wanted to know if l
wouldn't take charge of her from
Chicago to Detroit. Many men
think railroad journey really rem
dered pleasant by the companion
ship of an unprotected female. She
insisted on counting her handbook
and travelling bag as we got seated.
She counted. There were just two.
l counted, and made no more nor
less. Then she wanted her parasol
put into the rack, her shawl folded
up, and her band-box counted
again. l counted it. There was
just exactly one band-box of it. AS
we started she wanted to know if l
was sure that we were on the right
road to Detroit. l was sure. Then
she wanted her traveling-bag count
ed. counted it. BY this time
she wanted the window up, and
asked me if it wasn't a hot day. l
said it was. Then she felt for her
money and found it was safe, though
she was sure she had lost it. While
counting it, she related how Mrs.
Graf, in going east, FIVE years ago,
lost her purse and $500. She
wound up the story by asking me if
it wasn't hot day. l said it was.
Then she wanted that and-box
counted, and l counted him. He
was still one band-box. There was
a pause of FIVE minutes, and then
she wanted drink. l got it for
her. Then she wanted to know if
we were on the right road to De-
troit. l assured her that l was pos
tive Of the fact. The brakeman
here called out the name of sta
tion in such All indistinct manner
that the lady wanted me to 60 and
see what the name Of the station
really was. l went. 1t was Calu-
met. She wanted to know if l was
sure it was Calumet, and l put my
hand on my sacred heart and as
sured her that would perish soon
er than to deceive her. BY this
time she wanted her traveling-bag
counted, and l counted her. She
figured up as before. l had just
finished counting when she wanted
to know it l didn't think it was hot
day. l told her l did. We got along
very well for the next half hour, as
l got her to narrating how she got
lost in the woods, eighteen years
before, but as soon as she finished
it she wanted to know if / was sure
We were on the right road to De-
troit. l told her that l hoped to
perish with the liars if we were
not, and she was satisfied. Then
the parasol fell down; she wanted
me to change ten cent piece, and
the window had to 60 down. When
we got to Marshall she wanted to
know if the station wasn't named
after court-martial, and whether it
wasn't barely possible that the sta
tion wasn't Niles instead of Mar
shall. The band-box was counted
again, and he was just one. Then
the window went up, and she asked
me, if, in my opinion, it wasn't a
hot day. l replied that it was.
Then she related a story about her
uncle, another about young lady
who had been dead several years.
During that day l counted that
handbook 300 times; raised the win
dow thirty times; said it was a hot
day until my tongue was blistered; !;
arranged that parasol twenty -one
times; got her sixteen drinks of
water, and inquired the names of
thirteen stations. She said it was
nice to have man in whom stran-
ger could place confidence, and
dared no, reply for fear of bringing
out another story. When we
reached Detroit l counted her things
three times over, helped her off the
cars, got her hack, directed her to
q hotel, told her the street, price,
name OF the landlord, head waiter,
perter and cook; assured her that
she would not be robbed or mur-
dered; that it had been a hot day;
that Detroit had a population Of
100000; that the fall term of shool
had commenced; that all Detroit
hack drivers were honest and oblig.
ing. Poor woman! hope the
landlord did not get out Of patience
with her artless ways.