The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1873-12-18
MUGRIDGE!

/ first knew Mugridge in the classic
al and aesthetic metropolis of New
England. Mugridge was then in the
literary line. He was the author of
tract's On Uses and Abuses of New
England Rum as a Beverage" Mug
ridge claimed to be temperate man !;
he was opposed as we'll to the use of
water as of rum in large quantities.
The stomach of an adult freeman,
Mr.. Mugridge maintained, can stand
one quart of Colonel French's rum
per diem, and do well on it-that is
to say, unless some of the ColOnePs
meniafs have tanpered with the keg.
through the hose pipe; but no adult,
on any other kind of stomach barring
the camers can stand one gallon of
Cochituate per diem, as the total alb
stinence people insist.
4" "Whati" he would exclaim with
much fervor, "wouId you have free
men make reservoirs of themselves
and vie with lakes and ponds in water
lily and tadpole capacity ?"
So far as his observation went,
Mr.. Mugridge never found a freeman
that aspired to be a resorvoir, OF to
vie as aforesaid /; SO that he consider
Gu lndt RO1AA1
Mugridge claimed that temperance
meant a rational mean between total
abstinence and excessive inhibition !;
and he was clearly of the opinion and
exemplified it in his daily toddie, that
one quart of rum, with the right to
increase it by q pint, in case OF sick
ness, or exposure TO water, was just
about as good representation of the
rational mean for one day as could be
suggested.
Now it fell out, that Mugridge either
sometimes exceeded his rational mean
or that The rational mean sometimes
exceeded Mr.. Mugridge's spiritual
capacity, for it happened more than
once, as he was homeWard returning
from his daily distribution of his
tract, he was constrained to seek the
loan of some friendly market wagon
or hand-cart for his personal trans
portatiOn. The hand cart feature of
the rational mean theory resulted in
SCOTS and jeers on the part of the abb
stinance people. See," they said,
pointing to Mr.. Mugridge, as he lay
on his hand cart in that condition of
absolute disregard of domestic afflic-
tions and notes overdue, which the
rational mean did sometimes beget-
"see where the sophist lies groveIling
in his sophistry.,'
But Mugridge kept on the uneven
tenor of his way. '.It's no fault of
mine," he used to say, ''if the rational
mean fails in few isolated instances,
it works well as a general rule, and
the time will come when it will be
adopted as family recipe for house,
hold happiness"
Mugridge had been illustrating the
practical advantages of his rational
mean theory, and had been distribu-
ting it among his neighbors, in book
form and by word of mouth, about
thirty year, when the recent bicker-
ings began.
For twelve calendar months Mr..
Mugridge regarded The contentious of
his countrymen with the utmost COM
placency. He said be did not wish to
fight, but would not prevent any OF
his ,neighbors from fighting, should
their tastes lie in that direction. In
deed, if he had any feeling whatever
in respect to the chickering's it was
rather against them, because they
raised the price of his rational mean.
But in the thirteenth month of his
patriotic complaeency, his native land,
his native State, his native county, his
native city, and some of the natives
themselves, each and all, offered boun-
ties, amounting to the patriotic sum
of 81 600 to every man that would
fight for the old flag. OF course there
were men who would fight for the old
flag for 1900 who would not have
fought for the old flag for fun.
Mr.. Mugridge was one of those ST..
600 old flag fellows. lie was remind.
ed of his love for the old flag by thS
thrifty calculation of Mrs. Mugridge
4 My DEAR" said that estimable lady
one evening, as she sat one side of Tho
CRATE meHdiug Mr.. Mugridge's stock
ings, while Mr.. Mugridge sat on tn,
other side contemplating alternatel,
the tea-kettle over the fire and blacl
bottle standing on the table near by
my dear. you weigh l60 pounds
don't you2"
Mr.. Mugridge replied that he coul'
just heave 100 pounds.
"Then, my dear, continued the fru
gal dame, 'as they are paying l,60
for men to fight for the old flag
D make out that they would pay jus
$40 pound for YOU"
"I know you are rather old for th