The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-04-19
CREAM or OUR EXCHANGES


PERSONS standing together constitute an unaWiu
assembly in Lexington, Kentucky" In some
thing less than nine eases out OF ton, one persol
standing by himself constitutes an unlawful a.
sembly in Chicago. tcr-JonaM
The Louisville paper means to say, that 10
getting up riot an average Chicago man i
equal to any three Louis.yans.
newspaper correspondent named Pride Ia
been expelled from the Delaware House OF Rep
resentativcs out of respect for the theory tina
pride must have fall.
The Delaware Legislature did not wish to hsV
any advantage over similar bodies. No moderi
improved Legislature can be truthiully accused
Of having any Pride about themselves.
The most infallible way Of preventing akitchcl
door from creaking, is said 10 be to engage
servant girl whose sweethear.s come to th'
house to see her.-Er
In these days when servants are high-toncd
their beaux do not come around to back doors
They have some style about them-they carry
nobby cards-ring the front door bell-scc thci
girls in the parlor, and consign the family to The
garrett or cellar.
meat company has been organized in Texas
TO can all the beef they raise, and raisc all Tho
beef they can.-Er
Thus they have Il "can-can" company down IN
Texas They can can meat
The editors of the Mendoza Bulletin were re-
Gently presented with supply Of horsc-radish
OF course the donor did not intend by his present
20 have said editors infer that he considered they
needed something to make them smart LA
Sale Press.
The Press fellows don't need anything to make
them smart. They are now bordering on the
dangerous state Of being too smar. TO live
Tone yourselves down little,
clean shirt is one Of woman's best gifts to
man.-EJ
Yes, but not without all the buttons on. Add
these and the gift becomes sweet boon.
A San Francisco widow who keeps the skull Of
her deceased husband in glass case, once re
marked to friend who was viewing the remains:
Alas how often have banged those bones with
q broomstick. I'm sorry for II now.'-Er.
She was sorry because she found herself de
prved of her usual daily recreation. She has
now no way in which to amuse herself II makes
her sad to see the broomstlck standing idly in
the corner.
4 London clothier advertiscs himself as tailor
TO the Queen and the Royal Family" Tailor to
to Queen!-Er.
The fellow who wrote the above is guilty Of
some Jrreches df good manners
One Of our new "jours" ia pcrpcxcd by some
Of the young ladies who attend the Philharmonic
Society throwing KISSES to him. He objects,
not because he dislikes kisses interpreted with
music--but he isn't the fellow Diron Sun.
For perpctrating the above absurdty, the San
should suffer a total eclipse. 1t should employ
no "jours" who would be guilty Of doing SO un-
manly thing as to kiss and tell, or to receive a
kiss, even by telegraph, and then brag about it.
Tobacco smoke contains ammonia, pyridnc,
picalinc, lutdne, collidine, formic acctic, pro-
pionic butyric, valeranic and carbollc acids,
and crcosotc,-and Trask says, death. Cheerful,
isn't it?
We thought it was only smoke. II the above
be true, "OT the blue Canaries, We have smoked
our last cigar"
People never plot real mischief when they are
happy. Laughter is an enemy to malice, foe TO
scandal, and a friend to mankind.
How does this accord with the idea that one
may smile and smile and be a villain% VIDE
Colfaxl
A Titusvllc father, who sold his oil before hard
times struck the region, and who has a qusrtettc
Of beautiful daughters, wore out the toes Of four
pairs Of boots last winter, helping the young men
down the icy steps Of his residence who called to
chat with the girls
Those young fellows cannot complain that
their suits have been 6ootlcSS. Some fathers are
so anxious TO get rid Of their surplus daughters
that they do not hesitate to give some "boot"
with them; this one, however, merely gives the
boot and retains the daughters These SWANS
doubtless feel sore In consequence OF their stern
refusal by that cruel parient. We say, Go west
,pbo irIc ;to Ra
are willin' and fathers are more so!
During ITammonds recent spell at Des Moines
so many infatuated females left their wells gloves
and nasal necessities, overshOcs, shawls and gar
tiers at the church, that the janitor has gathered
up these fragments of sensational piety and
started Moses Levi Cincinnati
Enquirer.
Nasal necessities" is good,-almost as unique
term for handkcrchiefs as probosical con.
venienccs.
In his letter TO the New York Herald Brigham |
Young says, among other things, that he has
used his best efforts toward tho peopling of
this territory"
There is woman in Fairfield county, Conn,
who, although but thirty-two years Of are has
three grand children.-Er.
If she is not married, whom do they suspect
The Pulaski (Tcnn) Often learns OF q Young |
man Of that town who made an engagement to |
call upon certain Giles county young lady, who
had fire and light IN the parlor, dressed her.
self and waited all the appointed evening in vain
Next day the old lady sent round to that young
man a neat bill Of one dollar for those fire and
light
Among certain Amszonian tribes the Indian
bridegroom is subjected TO a strange test While
the marriage festivities are going on his hand is
tied up in paper bag full Of flrc-ants.
The bites Of these creatures are said To be truly
tcrrible-the bitten parts feeling AS II they were
tortured by burning Goals. II the bridegroom
can bear the test spoken Of he is considered
equal 10 the trials Of matrimony.-Er.
This is based upon the theory that man w.o
can bear to have his hand gnawod by fre-ants
can stand il to 20 around with bald head and
the other usual concomitants Of matrimony all
the remainder Of his days and never vince
The great art Of life is to play for much and
stake litte.-.IokIssOn.
This applies very nicely to our playing upon
the violin, an innocent pastime, which worries
the entire hth ward and costs ma n,,l;,,