, 1873-06-29
HUMOR.


habltants Of ancient Ireland.
-. HUmoR.
Natural sGppo-s-Ec1s.
Patrons Of Observation-Disclosures with MAJ
rlageab!o daughters.
1t is surprising how quickly men who dislike
red hair will fall in love with q red neiress.
! A noted English clergyman recommends to
| people to urn their dead. Wouldn't ho do better
to show them how to earn their living?
The locomotive Of Western express train
| col1ided with hand-car, and smashed the head
light. lhe conductor uss equal to the occasion.
He Just stuck his diamond brcsstpin in tie cow
catcher, and the train moved right along.
MA yonns LADY who lstsly save an order to Ter
It plain, but at the same time smart, as ait IN
| conspicuous place in church
The Missouri Editorial Convention was
opened With prayer by Elder Berry, and the
By elderberry; but veil wager it Was closed by
juniper-be1y and old rye.
What Is that from which, il you take the
whole, some will remain7 Wholesome.
Josh Billings says that "The lion and the
world together for fu minutes, but when the
lion kums to get up the lamb will be missing"
What is higher when the head is of The
pillow.
love story, in which the hero sclasped the
preposaessing girl to his bosom, xnd spoke sub
tantially as follows"
Some time since Greenfield farmer aud
his wife came into tho city, and the man had the
wonan's life insured for SIS, 600. Last week she
as thrown from buggy and badly hurt, and
Yesterday the agent came ACROSS the husband on
the street and inquired how the wife waa get
ting along. The farmer heayod sigh. looking
put out, aud replied: "Weu, I'm afraid she il
going to get well !"-Detron Free Press
There is boy II years old in Detroit who
feigns death 80 perfectly that the Coronar has
offered him 81, 900 year to let him hare the use
OF his corpse during that timo-'
an. who has for years been afflicted With CO.
tarrh and has been treated by eminent
physicians without obtaining relief, dreamed
thai stranger came to her house aud gaya
her soma medicines, Saying that they would
ehes7ually cure her. Next dsy, on going to the
doc: and looking ont, she eaU the identical man
of ker dreams approaching tie house. He Of
ferea her bottle Of medicine to cure her ca
tarTh. She took it, followed his directions, and
is now-aH bad as ever.
The Titusvire Pa.) Herald says: "a Young
Lady whose pa struck lie few years ago, and
who has since been 1t boarding school. recontIy
returned, md party Was given for her benefit
Upon the bottom Of her inrita:ion-cards sho
caused to be- inscribed r. g. Y. p and one WAS
sent to an llitcrato rich fellow. who has also
made his money by boring. Hc did not come
but sent card with the letters D. s. G. e.
Meeting him in the street, she asked him what
the letters meant. Tell me- first what yours
meant?' '0h! mine was French for Respond
i you cannot accept" well, mine was Eng
Esh for Damn sorry can't come.''"
Hence These Size Blanche Ito her brother)
:" Charlie, you look very miserable. You
jon lost much i" charie-. Yarass % Bet halfa l;a
1ozen pairs Of gloves with Mrs. Furlong"
Blanche" Nonsense! that's nothing" Char
ie-'' Av beg , pardon-Tm thinking how a
'ellah ls to go and buy the gloves without sacri-
The following arc from the 'Dranerr in
4atper's Magazine for july:
Bob - ID well known about Quincy Mich,
q the township. One day he WAS eudeayor:nS
0 trade IN old gold watch for horse, when tho
arsy Of whom he proposed to get tho weather.
auge asked hin ho7 many carnts fne the watch
ase was. Bob, thinking to enhance tho value,
aid he believed it mas seventy-fve. "That i
ant be-" replied the man, ~ for twenty-four
,rats is the standard for gold" swell mebbe
,ere amt, said Bob, but thu watch has cu
e cdyTdks ney ~"
Having been appointed {eays Wisconsin
an) to administer on the esta.e OF neignbor
gently deceased was greatly annoyed by
Tor an order for the graye-stones for
te departed. After some three or four -eeks,
very gentlemanly marble man" introduced
mself. told me his business, and asked for
the job" replied that as soon az it was
1oHn that person VAS dangerously i'll, ~
ave-stone man" made his appearance, de-
andod .'the job; aud asked toF the iascrip-
n for the he.dst9ne; He ssplied that ho knew
: it isn't decent; but oftsn find myself in the
me-. FIX that Deacon - was in." "How
Is that7" asked. "Why," said he, ao.d
Bacon B had long had his eye on Mrs.
lgered on the borders Of the grave. HNw
IS after tho funeral Of Brother W tno
:acon made friendly call On the widow, and
the course Of the conversation remarked that
ter proper time had elapsed he proposed to
'er her the consolation of bis hand and heart,
'ich he hoped would not be unacceptable to
E. 'Oh, Deacon ehe replied, 'you are too
a; Euler g. spoke to me al the grape ="
The negrr and mule (~rates friend 10 Cliu-
4, La.) are inseparable companions in the
uthe1n cotton fields, and, like the Hawaiian
ing and bow, useless each without the Other.
10 lazy Indifference aud carelesB cruelty Of the
0, and wonderful powers OF endurance OF
7ere labor, bad treatment and neglect OF the
Ter, complete the compatibility OF tbs two
:es necessary for the production Of ,oo0. 600 Of
los. a characteristic anecdote may be relish
by those Who hare had experience OF the
,. The spectator had taken refuge from tile
ia. perpendicular rsys under the shade of q
eadlng beech, stb fe9m'ne tagi, and lay ro-
ahre frothiness OF the country newspaper.
'ng the dusty road which paased By tliis re-
.t came jogging negro, mounted on q mulo,
b apparently fast asleep. As the sounolent
: approached the spot, some wicked ,u,1ta Of
plAce gaTe the paper 1irt, which \ .a no
her seen and heard thaa the mule, as mules
know how, insanity :: snapped ends" and.
Fing the negro SPA" ling Ill the dirt, took his
a1tu1e, under fnli tal. The negro, half
mouth, watched the rctreatnr mule for
10 time IN silence, but at lengh, unconscious
An auditor, gave expression to this pl,ilo- -.
hlo soliloquy +: Oats vh.: makos me-