Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1873-07-31
HUMOROUS.

Long and successful reign-The
deluge. ii-.'- ~ '-.0tfS'd -
A woman's pride and sailors guide
The needle. E;IGI ~ -->5isG- - ll-.
When is bow not bowe When it
is bow-knot. ii b. ;g4 iifg
What none of us ever drank from
the tap of drum. ..-s -zll;
Afuneral pyre-A printer who pies
a funeral notice. 5i 80 O.. Ia a.-
How much cloth is required to make
a spirit-wrapper? ?gaa .r ai-I.7 s4,u .--as
A Secret.-The surest way to get on
in life is to grow old. .s.. :. ll-.-ss
A man is obliged to keep his word
when nobody will take it. s..s-.s ,.ai.
When Is a clock on the stairs dam
gerOus? When 1t runs down. 3.
The boy with the big watch said time
hung heavy on his hands,. .s.4si i-5s. =
When is water most liable to escape?
When it Ia only half-tide. esti lpas
It is said that there never was an
honest red-breast: he is always robin.
Query.-Would not stearin' candles
be the best iliuninators for lighthouses.
There are various stations in life; but
the least desirable is police station.
When does a farmer work miracle?
When he turns his horse to grass.
When is a lady like a show-window?
When she takes great pains with her
sash. -.- .-. f..-l....s-- .,..-f. ...-.
What fowl is most like carriage In
the Chinese Empire? A Coach-in-
China.
A genius is popularity supposed to be.
one who can dc anything except make
a living. - '' -''. - . 3
Some people say that dark-haired
women marry first. We differ; its the
light-headed ones.b is'I -1s = s'sgi
Why are young ladies SO partial to
sunset and twilight? Because they
are daughters of Eve. f-ss 1J1IiJ bEE .
Love matches are often formed by
people who pay for month OF honey
with life of vinegar. '.jiilfi 3.o4l ? -'iilI-
Why arc your eyes like friehds sep
arated by distant climes? They cor.
respond, but never ineef.I O sIBHi Tia
We are told that nothing is made In
vain-bat how about pretty girl ?
Isn't she maiden vain = bua a-snih .,a.
A little boy i'm school gave one of the
best definitions eyer given 10 ecanomy
potatoes thin" =. -.
Why does the present style of ladies,
dresses remind US of the autumn? Be
cause Of the loose leaves. '''-''-
What is the difference between a
jailor and ajewele-? One watches cells
and the other sells watches. is'll lli'i ''-i
Mrs. Partiugton thinks that the
grocers ought to hire music teacher
to teach them the scales correctly. has
Mrs. Smith says her husband is like
a tallow candle, because he alwayswiii
smoke when he is going out. it.a ssd aoi
The man who called for tea at an or.
binary eating-hOuse, .sas strong as the
kick of mule" complains that he got
it .as weak as resolution"
HONEST SYMPATHY.-Intelligent
Boy-"Pa, Pun. sorry you've got the
'ffuenza." PapaA" Why, ladder"
Boy-"iCause l. might catch IL, syeQ
know w -.,.si oil e
SIS there any one here who takes ex-
ceptions to the rulings of this Court g,'
said a Nevada Justice, putting q six
shooter on the table. There wasn't one.
An enterprising soap-maker ldaubed
the rocks all the way up the Hudson
with the appeal, "Use Smiths SOAP"
Whereupon his rival, the stiil more
enterprising Jones, after much eogita-
ton, started his white-washer up the
river to append to each of Mr.. Smiths
appeals, "If you can't get Jones's?"
According to a dispatch from Bel
grade, Moslem, fan aticism In Bosnia
has produced condition Of complete
anarchy. Within the last six weeks
two hundred and seventy Christians
have been murdered and the perpetra-
tors of the crimes have gone unpun-
lshed. .,s5asS,s,ts.s uiJLi.s1ls'l-, +'si'l
A school-boy remarks that when his
teacher undertakes to show him what
is what, he only finds out which Is
switch.
BOtanists have observed that the
of flowers is not a faculty de-
veloped alike in all blossoms. Some
possess it more than Others. For in
stance, flowers of speech have 1t to .
extent. al ..ra- .Hs
Teacher-"John, You young scrape-
grace, come here and I'll pay You back
for your impudence to me yesterday"
Pupil-"I have conscientious scruples
against taking back pay Of that SORT"
A father, in consoling his daughter,
who had lost her husband, said: "i
don't wonder you grieve for him, my
child. You viii never find his equals
81 don't know as can" responded the
sobbing widow; "but Pn do my bestp'
The father went ome.comforted.
visitor-"Halloa, snipp! going In
for dumb-bellso"
Snipp-"Yes; but am bothered III
can make them out. Ihave been prac-
ticing all the morning, and ] can't use
them half so well as when i first be-
gan. Don't tell me that practice makes
perfect after that" tsiEs3i1 Hu.ll ii'7
"What are you about, my dear? ask
ed grandmother to little boy, who
was looking about the room and cast
ing furtive glances at a gentleman who
was paying q visit. 81 am trying,
grandma. to steal papa's hat out Of the
room without letting the gentleman
see it, for papa wants him tothink he's
out" ....
pretty well, remarked the DOCTORS
daughter, who took an interest In her
fathers purse and profession, when