Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1873-06-14
THE ASSESSMENT LAW.

ASSESSORS Some iinan-
cial missionary who has the interest
of his country at heart, "a well to
find out how much interest we have
in this country, sent US q paper re-
sembling a Confederate muster roll
OF teamsters, with the high sound
ing heading of assessment list.n As
we have no secrets when il comes to
telling of our wealth, we give him a
partial report, which he can fund if
he can find purchasers;
lie first wants to know the value
of our real estate; including improy-
ments, on q credit Of one and two
years. From the very best caleula-
ton we can make, according TO
Pixies example of the cost of stove
pipe and elbows, it would on cred
it of one and two years, amount to
about'the same as il did under the
old law of assessing property Of
he don't understand the answer, we
don't the question either, and so he
can call us a damphoOl and not have
the advantage ofu in the'game, the
Improvement on swearing iuclud-
ed
He next wants to know If the
lands can be described by districts
and townships" eCt., ect., and says
use the following, or the following.
or the following. Well, we have
used 'ithe following" in every con-
ceivable style, squarely, sidely, sing
", secondly and sseverally, and we
are convinced that our land cannot
be described by that mathematical,
arithmetical, or geometricai style,
for we find il utterly impossible to
spread out our limited amount suf-
fiCienily to make townships, much
less districts, of il. IL would make
it entirely "toO thin" for agricultH-
raj or residential purposes, and it
would be fraud of the deepest dye
to attempt to make people believe
that we own land enough to make
a district. II may pay the State
debt to make these estimates, but
it don't pay us, and we declineI it
for the present, at least.
He then wants to know how much
stock we have in companies, begin
ming at banks and ending in hotels.
AS to our stock in banks, it is very
limited, no monopoly, bat We always
| thought that one ofthem institutions
called after the ancient Pharaoh was
the worst kind for a member of the
Young Mems Christian association
/ TO be depositing his money in As
| to hotels, we never run one, but
| have run away from several, and as
to having stock in them, ifyOu think
empty paper trunks stock, we can
report vast riches very judiciously
distributed over our land of the
free and home of the hungry. There
is class of hotels known as the
County jaiP where a select class of
men boards, that we have no stock
| in at present, but from our present
standing-point, financially, we can
report the most cheering prospect
for the future. (Those who are in
debted to us need not think that we
are dunning them in the above aim
sion; for we don't want to hurt their
| feelings by such remarks.)
| In merchandise department We
have to report Il "costiYeness"
which is,owing to the few fires that
have visited our city. We keep but
a limited stock on hand, with in
creasing demand as the weather
moderate. We havn't attended an
auction since the days when Bruce
began with bar of soap and ended
in 8 brandy cocktail. y our remarks
about auctions carried us back to
the days when Triggers were mig
gers" and Jack Pentecost the best
negro crier, that ever wept tear, in
the known world. 1t also reminded
others when Jacob was sold to POti-
phar as a playmate for his wife.
Then follows sundry other ques-
tions about notes, due bills, judg-
ments, negotiable paper and &c
counts. We have been blessed with
several of the latter called sac
counts" but they didn't read right
and we always dismissed them with
a pathetic remark that it had never
been made or paid, or if made would
never be paid. We always gave the
party choice of the above remarks
and by close observation to the rule
we never lost a cent by either route
OF the other articles we have some
Confederate 7-6tO's and few due
/ bills on kiRcaunnn's Woodbury.
bank, one half payable when every
body dies, and the balance when
they return. We consider them
both good investments, highly pre-
ferable to funding, though the ''par-
ties are not entirely solvent" but for
the total extinguishing of the State
debt, we will gladly contribute the
interest accrued for the printing OF
more Assessment lists" We consid-
er them a great advantage, and, like
the back-pay of a periured Congress
! man, we don't see how the country
can get along without them now.
The fifth head is about State, rail-
road, turnpike, towns, cities, and
other like securities. We never
liked such securities from the sim
pie fact that we never wanted TO be
called a "bloated bOnd-hOlder" when
our best citizens were using Rob-
ertson county for blOating purposes,
and from the success attending
their efforts we thought it took less
money to invest in the latter, while
the result was the same.
The sixth head is devoted TO live
stocks, from stations down to hogs.
| AS we have none of the fOurfOOted
encumbrances mentioned, we deem
it unnecessary to give their total
value. OF dark nights there are
some Jack-o'-lanterns reported at
/ -
| the word of our neighbOrs for il.
Our neighbOrs are all poor if they
are of honest parents, and they just
took the wood home with them to
experiment with the next day
| The experiment resulted in the
wood being burned, but then a
| charitab act was dOne-it made
the beans and soup digestible.
The seventh head questions goes
all over your old clothes and through
your pockets, beginning at watches
and ending at kitchen furniture. OF
the first named we have several ,
the most valuable of which is to
watch Just how much vituals the
cook takes out and how little she
brings back. 1t is astonishing what
compress machine" our cook is;
she can take out enough to cook to
have a barbecue and after being
cooked it takes a little corn bread
to make the BISCUITS run two
rounds. Then there are several
hOpefuls to watch, and with an FL
gin watch factory on the premises,
it would be impossible to keep them
out of devilment. 1t seems as nat
ural for them TO do Just what YOU
don't want them, as il does for
thieves to so to Congress. But YOU
must send us another watches con-
tinued' il you want Us TO state
them all: and so we will pass on to
iewelry. We havu't any Jews in
our family, but the right of circum-
ciSion is still carried On by some of
our neighbors. We do not fancy
the Torment. but il the State laws