The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-08-09
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The justice decided against inc IauS on 'hc
ground that she could hsvc bitten the fellow but
didn't.
See how closely retrhutivc justice follows on
the heels Of wrong, One day DR.. Mary Walker
was arres,edp Baltimore for wearing pants. The
next dav Baltimore kad Il fearful conflagration,
A Young lady .eompositor employed in this
office set up last Thursday, in ten hours and
twenty minutes, i've; columns of the reading
matter on the first page of this Issue, including
the poetry, making about 1900 ems, If any good
looking Young man will beat this she will-try
again.-Ogh ca. Grange.
Thereby honestly earning $500 Did she get it.
There were tv o remarkable thiuos about Nancy
Harvey, who died in Baltimore last week: She
was III years old; never nursed George Wash.
ington, in fact didn't even kn0w him
There is some pretty sharp shooting between
the city editors of the Davenport Democrat and
OF the Des Moines RcgiSter, Quoth he Of the
Democrat:
The CITY editor of the Register followed the first
street sprinkler three squares TO tell him that
his tub was leaking.
To which the man of the Register responds:
The city editor of the Democrat was never
known to travel two feet for water; he don't use
it. Every spring he leases the alluvial deposits
under his eyes to q country gardener and scrapes
his cheeks in the fall to get material to cover a
ten acre crop of cabbage. Whenever he drinks
water he puts a safety valve in his nose to keep
the steam from blowing his head of.
The Democrat man hasn't been heard from
since.
The Wichita KANSAS Beacoa is in distress
"Thus far" it says, our city has happily escap-
ed cholera; but worse ailction is upon us.
Yesterday fresh batch Of Italian Ministries came
among u.s.
Some person who, according to Or. Johnson
would not hesitate 10 pick pocket, says that the
drives ut Long Branch are filled with Jchus, and
the hotel piazzas with JeIu@Ses. This is the
worst pun Of the season, SO far.
A young lady at McMnnylc, appeared before
her mother with gentlcman's sleeve button en-
twincd in her hair. An Investigation elected
nothing, but the circumstance naturally gave rise
TO surmiscs.
The rage Of port Office clerks to lick postage
stamps, is well known, and the following may
account for il:
Milwaukee bos her poisoned dogs into glue,
and sells the glue to the post office department.
The Chicago Journal is very anxious for the
" elevation Of women" They are stuck up
enough w-bchind-GaltHa Gdzete.
The effects of taking 40 drops of Peoria whisky
are sometimes very remarkable. A Peoria paper
has this local item:
A rural gentleman, visiting friend in the
Third Ward, found in the back yard, after dusk, |
an immense snake lying in the grass. He pro
cured an axe, and when he had chopped the rep
tile into about dozen pieces, he discovered 1t to
be a garden hose which had not been properly
hung up in the coal she'd
We have not received last weeks OTTAWA
FREE TRADER What's the matter ?--OFieH
WeekiY
Guess your postmaster holds it, We don't pay
postage on exchanges We send out.
Mary had little lamb ID
II got right on it's muscle II
She took the wool from OIL its back,
And stuffed it in her hustle.
-MncheH Go. Press.
And when that lamb saw it was fccccd
II madden and maddcr grew,
And Mary got upon hcr ear,
And stuffed the lamb in, too.
-G4ntdg 10. ltLls.
But her mother pulled ii out,
For twas against her rule
To see her little daughter make,
Herself so great fool.
She fastened up the little lamb,
Now sadder grown and wiser,
And snapped him for little dog,
To a gentleman named Kizer
--Ogte Co. Reporter.
But Kiser's .trow objected square
The NANCY purp to own--ah!
She took and singed of all his hair
And sold him for bologna ,
An exchange tells us that "Boston ladies put
on clean stockings when they have their photo
graphs taken,n but we take no stockm' the re.
mark Hose business Is it if they do, anyhow.
\ Charleston father gave young man, who
had saved his daughters from drowning, two
year old steer and Il shot. gun.
A man is wandering about the Jersey towns,
who Is regarded as lunatIc because he thinks
he Is Il mule. That ought To be regarded as an
evidence of sanity in Jcrsy He is probably the
only man Whereabouts who understands himself .
The mules down there, however, are not proud
Of themselves d
an Pesth, the ether day, youthful prodigy
repeated the Lords Prayer in twenty two Ian
guagcs.' We know newspaper man who can d
'criticisc' in fourteen different languages, and
peak them all at once. But an editor does well II
can repeat the Lord, Prayer in one language.
Minnesota loycrlately captured his dulcinca
aged fifteen, from her reluctant parents, aud |,
rev her TO his forest home, distance of eight
miles, on = hand sled.--Er.
This is an Improvement upon the manner Of do
ne it popular with certain Ethopiams. There
he lover knocks his sweetheart on the head
with a club and drags her to his mud palace.
St Louis. No. has a fighting edtrcss. She Is .
FAMED Mrs. Louisa Webb and edits the SIN. To |
exercise her muscle she threw a man down stairs
be other day and broke his arm.
There is III opening here, for sweet creature
constructed athletically, like the above.
They tell Of one Boston mother who say. uf her .
,aby, that las il couldn't be handsome like it, |
,apa, its going 10 bc good like It's mamma
We were that cherub, but somehow we've out .
crown Dursch
Here i, nice item selected from religious
md therefore truthful paper, aud refers to
doctors:
When Shakespeare wrote about patience ol' a
monument, did he refer 10 doctors patients
ND How do ,ou know he did NOT Because