Delaware state journal. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1870-1883, 1873-05-17
PUTTING UP A STOVE.
What the Funny Man Of the Danbury
New ThiAkI Ahont II

Putting up stove Is not so difficult OF
Hself. II Is the pipe that raises four
dfths OF the mischief and all The dust.
You may take down a stove with all the
care In the world, aud have your
wife put away the pipe In secure place,
aud vet that pipe won't come together
again as II was before. You ind this
out when Yon are standing on a chair
with your arms full OF pipe and your
mouth full Of SCOT, Your wife Is stand
ing on the floor In a position that enables
her to see you, the pipe and the chair, and
here she gives ulterance TO those remarks
that are calculated TO hasten man Into
the extremes Of insanity. Her dress Is
pinned over her waist, and her hands rest
on her hips. She has got one Of your
hsts on her head, and your linen coat on
her back, and q pair OF your rubbers on
her ieet. There Ia about i've cent? worth
Of pot black on her nose, and s lot OF
-four D her chin, and altogether she is
spectacle that would inspire dead man
With lis rust. And while you are up
there tfy ng TO circumvent the awful con-
trarlpess OF the pipe, and telling that you
know some fool has been mixing It, she
stand, safely on the door, aud bombards
you WI h such domestic notices as -
What's the use Of swearing so 7 7"
"You ku.w no QUE has touched the pipe"
"YOu int got any more patience than
a child 'fDo be careful Of that chair"
Aud then she goes of and reappears With
an armitil Of more pipe, and before you
are aware of II she has got that pipe so
horribly mixed up that II does seem no
two pieces are alike. You join the ends,
md work them to and fro, and take them
apart agar and look at them. Then you
speead one out and Jam the other to-
gether, and mount them once more.
| But II IL no 20. You begin TO think the
pieces are inspired with life, and ache TO
kick them through the window. But she
doesn't lose her patience.
She goes around with that awfully ex-
aspernting rigging on, with Il length OF
pipe under each arm, and says she don't
see how II Ia soins people never have any
| trouble 10 putting up stove. Then you
miss the hammer. You don't see Il any
where. You stare into the pipe and along
| the mantle, and down on the stove and
OIL to the floor. Your wife watches you
intently, and Is finally thoughtful enough
to enquire what You are looking after
and on learning, pulls the article from
her pocket. Then you feel as II you
could 20 out doors and swear a hole
twelve feet square through block Of
brick buildings, but she merely observes
-"Why on earth don't you speak wher
you want anything, and not stare ar0unC
like dummy" When that part Of thu
pipe which goes through tho wall IL up
she keeps Il up with her broom, Will,
you are making the connection, sui
staros at II with an Intensity that IL en-
tirely uncalled for. All the while you
position Is becoming more and more in
ieresting. The pipe don't 20 together, o
course. The SCOT shakes down into you
eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls dow
YOUR face and ticklcs your chin as II drop
Oh, aud 1t secins as II your arms ar
slowly but surely drawing out of thei
sockets. Here your wife comes to tn
rescue by inquiring If You are going
! be all day doing nothing, and If yo
think her arms are made Of cast iron, an
then the broom slips of the pipe, and
. her endeavor to recover her hold she jat
! YOU under the chin with the handle, an
the pipe comes down on your head wit
: us load of fried SCOT, and then the cha
tilts forward enough to discharge lot
feet, and you come down on the wrou
end OF that chair with force that woul
BANKRUPT pile driver. You don't touc
b that stove again. YOU leave your wi
examining the chair and bemoaning !
injuries, and go into the kitchen al
wash your skinned and bleeding ham
with yellow soap. Then you go dow
street after a man to do the business, Al
n your wife goes over to the nelghbors wi
r Ter chat, and tells them about Its i
i luiies and drains the neighborhood d
T. Of its sympathy long before you gethom