South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-03-14
VIII AND uUMOR.

ETA man whom DIR. CHALMERS euea-
ged to manage a disorderly Sunday School
Kept his eyes wido open during praying,
aud, when one boy thrust a pin into ano-
Their, he marched up the aisle, still pray
ins, and cuffsd that boys ears, and went
ba.k again, praying all the way. After
that he was master Of the situation for the
boys thought that q man who could watch
and pray like that could not be put down.
En- Mr.. CoLFAX's defense reminds the
Norfolk journal of the ingenious darkey
who, when he was found going of from
neighbours hen-roost with plump rooster
in his bag, exclaimed with an air Of great
astOui.hment: 'Golly, that's queer; how
dye suppose he got thar must a few thar,
| reck on
TIE TRADE OF BEGGING Il shall new
ef forget that in 1858, ia the province Of
Loretto, peasants left their harvest, which
was splendid, to come aud beg from US.
he had the face to beg on the border Of
his own field lIo replied 'Sir, have
never missed doing so from my earliest
childhood, and as have always got some
thing, continue doing So but, if you
are not ashamed to beg. Why do you
work. Because the other trade does
yield enough. You may be sure that if
travellers would give me enough to live up.
on, | would never use my ten fingers -
A6omfS Book Of ,Sociai Economy.
81 am a self made man. said a native
Of Stonington the other day TO New
York gentleman, with whom be had been
driving sharp bargain. Glad to hear
you say So responded the New Yorker,
who had been worste1 in the trade, 'for
it relieves the Lord of . great response
bility.';
The father of boy whose veracity is not
go marked "a his back, asked the teacher
why it was his son didn't have a better
acquaintance with figures, and was consd-
erably electrified when the teacher teudelly
observed: Il really don't know, unless it
iS because figures won't lie
A certain Mr.. David Fender, popping
tho question in letter, concluded thus
And should you say Yes dear Mary,
will truly be your D. Fender
Every tree is subject to disease,
said speaker in Fruit Growers Con-
vention. 'What aiment can you find on
sn oak p asked the Chairman. a corn
was the reply.
Nor TO BE Fooled. In Philadelphia
their lives doctor so lean that the sobri-
ques of 'OiI Bones is far from being
MISSIONER.
The doctor has student, who attends
within while the doctor is out. Among
the fixtures of the Office is weird skele-
ton, 50 hung aud adjusted that it will
walk out of the cupboard where it is kept
and go through several grotesque antics.
One day youthful peddler with basket
Of kuickuacks presented himself When
told that nothing in his limo was wanted,
the little rascal began to talk back in a
most impulent manner, and was finally or
dcred to leave the Office.
This lie refused to do, and thinking to
scare him, the student pulled string and
open flew tho door where the skeleton was
hidden, and that emblem of death sprang
out at tho boy, who, frightened half out
Of his wits, dropped his basket and scam
perod out Of the Office, taking up a position
on the opposite side of the street to await
further events.
just then tho doctor, Old Bones, came
from his study, aul learning the cause Of
the uproar, went to the door and motioned
to the boy to como aud get his wares
No you don't ho called out, Il know you,
it you have got your clothes GU.
SPREAD OF DARwtNs THEORIES. -
Max AdcIor says we are engaged now
IN developing a scheme for growing kid
gloves upon the original animal Our old
friend Darwin teaches Us that you can do
almos. anything with breeds by judic,ous
Selection aud We arc convinced that, with
little care, Il will DO possible to produce