The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-10-25
VARIETY.

The Memphis Appeal tells of an lrishman who
got laughed Mt for making faces some per-
simmons, and who retOrted thus - Ye may grin,
ye muttonhead idiots but l can lather the sowl
out NV the that split vinegar over thin
pnms-
An lrishman went for the first time To play in
New York. just the drop curtain descended
after the first act, engine in the basement ex-
PlOded, and the Celt blown through the roof,
alighting the next house His first remark
after coming to his sense. was
o. And what the devil will they play nextY'
You ARE A BRICE-A certain college Professor
had assembled his class Mt the commencement of
the term, and was reading over the list of the
to see that all was present. 1t Glanced
that one Of the number unknown To the Pro-
lessOr, having Just entered the class.
s. What is your name, sir?'' asked the Professor,
looking through his spectacles-
YOu are n brick, - was the starting reply.
Sir" said the Professor, half starting out of
his chair at the supposed impertinence, but not
quite sure that me had understood him correctly :;
% Sir, did not exactly understand your answer. "
o. You are n brick was again the composed
reply
.sThis is intOlerable,'' said the Professor, his
face reddening. " Beware, young man, how you
attempt to Insult me-
- Insult You - said the student, in turn aston
ished. a. How have done it ?''
g Did YOU not say 1 was a brick p returned
.. No sir, you asked me my name, and anwered
YOUR question. My name is u. X. A. Brick
JTriah Reynold Anderson Brick
All indeed murmured the Professor, sink
mo back into his seat in confusion - It
misconception on my part. Will yOu commence
the lesson, Mr.-ahem-Brick ?'
There is an anecdote Of Gotlieb Scheerer, who
twelve years ago, was an active Philadelphia poll
tician and VIce-President Dallas, which is here
CIV Iur Ir
Dallas was counsel in 4 case in Philadelphia, and
Mr. Scheerer was called in ~ 4 witness The
following questions were put by Mr.. Dallas;
.. Mr.. Scheerer. We're you in Harrisburg last
.iuue2''
Last June, did you say, MIR. Dallas?''
Yes, last June don't repeat my question, but
answer it,
After some moments of study the answer came ::
'sNO, Mr. Dallas, | was not in Harrisburg last
june
Were you IN Harrisburg last July?''
lie reflected again, and slowly said, - No, Mr..
DALLAS, I was not in Harrisburg in July
Were You there in August, Mr.. Scheerer?''
The witness again meditated and said, - No,
MIR Dallas, was not there in August"
Were YOU there IN September?'
Here Mr.. Scheerer reflected longer than before,
and replied; No, Mr.. Dallas, was not in lIar-
risburg in September"
MIR. Dallas became tired Of this barren result,
and raising his voice said
80 MIR. Scheerer, Will You ten tue court Wleu
YOU were IN Harrisburg
.. Mr.. Dallas said Scheerer. - never was IN
Harrisburg inmy life
The court, the audience and Gotlieb Sehecrer
enjoyed the joke, but Mr.. Dallas did not heartily
pIrtake Of the merriment created.
=. How's TKICEs A doctor IN san Francisco
has n speaking tube leading from the main en-
trance Of his building to his Office, which is up
lust a few flights. For several days past a smart
voune wac named Swartz has amused himself by
calling for the doctor through the pipe, and then
profaney ordering him to set out ON an excursion
to T,rtarus For some time this fun was taken in
GOOD uart until the fine huIlOr Of the joke nC
longer became apparent. Accordingly, one after
noon. the disciple of lEsculapius provided himself
with n tea-kette Of water. heated to about 2lt
degrees Fahrenheit and waited alongside the pipe
Pretty soon the old familiar sound came M
through the pipe. - Say Doc, how's Tricks?
Tricks is better nOw-I guess he get well,
responded the doctor. reaching out after the tea
kettle.
- What's been the matter with him
He's got burnt
How
.. I'll tell you IN n minute.
- Oh, you 60 to-
The doctor had finished his last sentence an'
chen let Il quart of scalding water down the pipe
Swartz had his mouth over 1t, and when tn
water struck ii ne was somewhat surprised
Water was apt TO surprise him, but hot waite
was unexpected novelty
The man above poured in the water Tor abou
a minute and then looked out of the window
The smart young man was getting along the side
walk at pretty lively gait, having evidently Jus
got up from 4 sitting posture lie was trying I
veil Police - but couldn't artleulate with mdc
bOn baIf IN lnur altpryyart he tDuu