The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-04-05
VARIETY.


Young Jayhawkers IN Ransas angle for dog,
with becisteaks securely fastened To twine
string The dog swallows the meat and then
stnys by tiIs string
The boy who recommended few drop Of
pane.syric on sugar Tor the child OF disquietude
has his match IA another, who, after successfully
spelling - chieanery," defined it 10 be = - large
coop 10 raise chickens"
Two Kentuckians have entered on an oyster
eating match tor $500 a side. They have been
at it for nearly week, and one Of them has
reached the standing up stage. When he at
tempts to bend, ont fies an oyster.
The latest sure cure for consumption il from
Germany, and consists Of beef and onions
love-zickness, and viii develop incipient Iongings
for divorce in any well regulated family.
NJ. HengenmuIler de Hengerwar is an attache
OF the Austrian embassy at Washington, who IL
much admired in society circles. When he makes
fashionable calls his IS taken in through the
kitchen door IN sections, and when ne travels his
pass Is always shipped as freight.
a charitable lady up town sent one of her last
years dresses to destitute woman the other day
She was somewhat surprised to have il returned
with the statement that 1t too full behind for
the present style, and would she take breadth
out and change the trimming.
This is how a New London inebriate. astrIde a
hydrant Saturday night, explained his condition /:
- Them pies (hic), them id pies &" - What
pies? - was asked. 'Minee pies (hic).' he re-
torted. - Cider put in 'em (hic) without INV
knowledgs (hic)- Amt drinked anything before
(hic) for fortnight
A Cbinaman summoned as a witness in
New York. the other day, and, To ascertain has
views on the nature of an oath, the judge asked
him what would be his punishment if he should
swear TO hes - shall never return TO China,
but always remain in New York, - was the reply,
and he was at once sworn
Since NapOleon's death, country physicians are
growing crazy over the cases of embOlsm deyel-
Oped throughout the land. In Ohio, recently,
Young lady died from what a rOund-headed old
doctor said was - heart klOt or embyolism OF the
main hue Of the hart" but she revived in au
hour, aud i5 was found had been temporarily
choked by chew Of gum which che had swal-
lowed.
a YANKEE - SwOPPEK. The champion Yam
kee resides in Maine. lie began business by buy
ing a watch for 81 so. In the course of time
the watch was traded for other property, and
eventually into horse, and after several trades
the man found himself possessed OF horse worth
Sl25. Sl35 IN money, a pair OF wheels, robes,
blankets, etc, and during all the trades made he
never paid one dollar boot.
WAGES AND -PAilaHthrODlc Farmer
ss Well TOmkins. after this week, instead of pay
ing you partly in cider, 1 shall give you two
shillIngs extra wages. - TOHkinS. - No. thanky
master; that won't do for me ,''-FGrBIeT
- Why, man, you'll be the gamer for the cider
YOU had wasnt worth two shilling ,''-TOBlkinS
- All, but you see l drinks the cider myself; but
the ovid 'OOman II 'ey the two snillunl'
DoN'T SWEAR don't believe IN swearing. vet
can understand how Theodore Parker felt when
he said that he never liked Washington until he
heard that he was in the habit of swearing
=. -
benefit by a sin now and then. It would help
them to get rid Of that wax-like perfection which
may be beautiful, but which is cold. sickly-lOOk-
ing, lileless and iuhuman--HeHTV Ward Bescher.
Grace Greenwood lacks faith in the civilization
of the Indians. In q Washington letter she saws
Il must cOoless that am a sad infde, with re-
gard to the regeneration of the average red man.
i am only OrtbOdOx enough to believe in aborig-
inal sin. | have never grieved much for the lost
have no stirring OF family affection for my kins-
man, the unhappy ArappahOe. | don't believe
he IS my - long-lOst brother" Any number of
wild strawberries on his right arm couldn't con-
vince me-
Mr.. Darwin illustrates the curious effects of
bashiulness by the following story: Il small din
ner PARTY was given IN honor of an extremely shy
man who, when he aruse return thanks, re-
hearsed the speech which he had evidently learned
bv heart In absolute silence, and did not utter a
single word but he acted as If he were speaking
with Emphasis. His friends. perceiving how the
case stood loudly applauded the imaginary bursts
of elOquence, whenever his gestures indicated a
pause and the man never discovered that he had
remained the whole time silent. On the contrary,
he afterwards remarked 10 my friend, with much
satisfaction, that ne had succeeded uncommonly
well.
A GOoD SroRY.-The Sacramento Union is re-
sponsible for the following: y few days ago a
Young man who has fonduess for hunting con-
cluded that he would take out dog which be-
longs at Gregory's produce store and see how he
would work retrieving game. Accordingly he
drove out ON the turnpike road, toward the Tule
House, and after he had traversed several miles,
finally got n shot at crane and killed it. Un-
fortunately, it fell in the tule, where there
depth Of two or three feet of water. The dog
didnt show hunting qualities worth cent, and
the shoOtist had either TO retrieve the bird him
self or 20 on without. lie took off his coat,
pants and Shoes laid them by the side of the
wagon and stepped into the water. After he had
traversed considerable distance, he happened TO
Look back toward the turnpike, and behold his
horse was travelling of for town. \ second
glance showed HIM something n hundred-fold
worse. That failure of a dog, who wouldn't go
after the crane, had picked up the shOOtist's
pants, and was travelling along Joyfully after the
wagon. head and tail up, and evidently feeling
that he was doing big thing! The hunter went
ashore, put on his hat, coat and boots, and has
tened after his faithful dog He had to travel
over mile before he overlook the wagon, and,
% his notification he was met while pursuing il
by n man Ou horseback, who, struck with the
singular deficiency Of has wardrobe, requested to
be informed a. where in -- he was going, look
ing like that" " If he had not met the man ne