Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-09-26
Fl UMOR
Bill Arp on Female Suffrage--Tri-
al of SOOsan Antny.


Bill Arp on Female Suffrage--Tri-
al of SoOsan Antny.
ROME, GA, August, 1873. =
Soosan Antny amt nothing to me-that is
nothin partikler. Nowoman amt except Mrs.
Arp, but when heard they was tryin her
for votin my feminine instinks carried me
straight to the court house. [ was on her
side before I got there and I'm on il yet.
Woman in general is my weakness and es-
peshually woman whose name ia Soosan-
[ always envied man who could fondle
over ais sweetheart and call her Soosy."
It sour DIS so meller and soft. So when
seed Soosan Antny arraigned before the
Judge like konvick [ was mad-ma2
with the whole Yankee nashun. They
raise hellybiloo over the old broken kon-
stitution and mend it up SO as to let the
black balloons vote In the rebel States, but
if q white woman of sense and spunk dares
to do it, it shocks their pewritan modes
ty. The old Judge tried to look 6erse and
said woman shouldn't undersex herself.
I have seen heap of men who when they
got sorter old, took up sour grape spite
against good looking women. But soosan
looked at the Judge as straight as an eagul
She stood up square on her pastor points
and remarked that she was free born and
had property Of her own, and had right
to vote for the lawmakers of her choice
She said that women done as much for the
country as mep, and if they dident fight
they raised the boys that did. That havin
them. land nursin EN- and tending EN- in
sickness and helth was harder job than
fghtin, and if they dident believe it let EN-
lust try it awhile. She said if the Judge
could name even one good resun why they
shouldn't vote she wanted to know it.
Soosan's eyes flashed little angelik fire
when the Judge fined her hundred dol
lars, and she remarked that every advanse
in civilization had to have It's martyrs and
she was reddy. She throwed a hundred
dollar bill over to the clerk, and sed she
would bet another hundred dollars that that
money never reached the State Treasury.
Now I've been thinkin heap about this
votin' bisness myself. If [ was king I
wouldn't let anybody vote who couldens
tell whether General jackson was ded or
alive, or who took more than three drinks
a day as regular thing. or who chawed
tobacker after he had gone to bed. OR who
was meaner man than his daddy, or who
believed in ghosts and witches, or who did
not put on clean shirt onst week or
who didn't earn so cents day at some re-
spectacle business, or who shouted at mite
meetings more than two hours on stretch
I heard a blind frecnologist say that the
way to test man's sense was TO draw
straight line from the top of his upper lip
to bis forred, and another from the top of
his nose to the hole IL his ear, and if the
angle between was less than 90 degrees. he
might be smart for monkey but ne was
fool for a. man He sed that this test
would rule out nearly all the idiots and At
ricans from votin, and if tdident their faith
in witches would. I-wouldent let a furrin-
ner vote until he had lived here and be-
haved himselffor ten years, and he shouldn't
vote then unless he had married. an Ameri-
kin girl and gone to raisin children on
Amerikin soil. [ wouldent let no unmarried
man vote who was over thirty years old
though would let al SIGH Justly by swear
in that they had tried but nobody would
have EN-. Pd make them name the gals
in their afhdavy.
would let every married man and his
wife and every wilder vote if they wasn't
put off by the foreign exceptions They
should have one vote apiece for themselves
and one for every child they had. This
last would elevate the Arpian family about
elektion times shore Akkordiug to Solo
mon, all SIGH ought to have heap of priv
ileges, for it amt no picayune bisness TO
raise big drove of children. Just let any
hide bound bachelor cry it and see. I look
upon respectable children as the hope of the
State, and if had my way these stagnant
old rips who won't marry, but prowl around
and live easy and die rich and leave no
sign at least meme to speak of,should be tax
ed hevy and the money appropriated to the
UIuu 3 tuuu W udU ndu WIFI " 1uo
State who leaves it 20 defenders after he's
dead and gone who patronizes no Sunday
schools or Munday schools-buys no candy
or baby cloths, or dolls, Or barlow knives
or long stockings, or hoop skirts, or JACKIE
net muslin, or galluses. What intrusts
has he got in perpetuatip great principles ?
Why chronik old bachelor can just turn
over in his one-horse bed and die apd not
keer darn if the world comes to end 10 Is
minutes. He wouloent keer if the devil
was to break loose and eat up the women
and children alive.
f. Now am not sayin word agin them
married foaks who somehow else hain't ak
sident'y been blessed with offspring. By
no means. They showded a willingness to
have EN- and that's enutf for me. have al
ways apologized for peepul who have done
the bes: they could, whether they succeeded
or>pot. slot no Bonyparte to chop
mans head IF for losin battle, whether he
was to blame or not am friend to ma :
ried folks, children or no children. Law
full wedlock is society's main spring-its
back bono-its life inshorance. I've no pa
thence with these old stingy stays who wont
marry without they git pile of penshun
money, who want to be hired to do it, who
hang around town waitin for some rich gal
to turn M. while there's lots Of poor ones
.1n~-orr