Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-10-03
Il UMOR.


A sad-looking man was sniveling over the
loss of $500 to three.card monte men, on
the Hudson River railroad, the other day,
and, taking ont the cards to show to , sym
patizing passenger how twas done, be
awakened SO much interest among the men
standing around that in less than twenty
minutes he had won handsome sum. Al
ter he had left they began to understand
that they bad been gulled BY the monte
man himself. +, s..-s5.
A Frenchman being about to remove his
shop, his landlord inquired the reason. stat
ing at the same time that it was considered
very good stand for business. The
Frenchman replied. "Oh !! yes, he's very
good stand for de business Mo stand all
day for nobody come to make me move
A Galena man went to the cemetery dug
up his fathers grave stone, and offered i
for sale to marble cutter. The "Gazette'
triumphantly adds. as a challenge to the
world, Bring on your mean men =
The new silver trade dollar dessrip-
ton of which NO published las. week, and
which has just been issued from the U. IS.
Mint, will be received at par GU subs. ip.
tion. Spirit of the Times, Batavia. N. Y.
It is proposed to get up GENE err. nea,
New York, of about Que hundred acres 10
extent, for the burial Of people WHO have
been talked to DEATH rh. ide. i. u goa
one, but the cemetery ought 10 BE- larger
The "Pilot," Jackson, Miss has recent
ly been established as republican ia,ly.
To its exchanges it says: IN noticing Us
good, heartily bat over the coc'anut will
be better appreciated by US than continued
3 silence Tsqss~
It is said that the Nebraska Indians are
allowed to ride free Oh all trains they can
Jump on while the latter are in motion.-
The tribe is being reduced very raprly
This is by odds the most effective and eco
nomical system of dead heading on record.
The editor Of new paper in Nebraska,
begins his Introductory article With the FOL-
lowing sentence 1.-The object in view 10
the establishment Of this paper is thu pro-
curing Of means wherewith to buy bread and
butter and good clothes. sEs .sT
100 h
What is tbat, children 2 asked young
pastor, exhibiting to his Sund ~ school >
magic.lantern picture Of poor sinner cling.
ing to cross towering out Of stormy wsyes
in mid-ocean. Robinson Crusoe' was the
insant reply. ags aaav,
Nebraska named town Vanderbilt and
then wrote to the Commodore He replied
that be didn't care d-n, and tbc way
they changed the name Of that town ould
have made his hair stand on end.
The vitality of some people is simply as.
founding. There is long.haired youth at
Buffalo, who has written TOO verses, tho re.
frain to which is I'm dying mother. dy-
ing and withal be isn't dead F53
Owing to war among the dry.goods
merchants at Denver. calicoes we're reduced
to 1.-TWO cents per yard, and every editor. ~
porter and minister iii the place now wears
shirt-gaudy in some instances, but still a
shirt.
A colporteur in Kansas was told that
this 'ere region amt much on Bibles, but
if you want to make money bring US out a
load Of shotguns.'
The following is copy Of notice dis
played in field in South London La.ii !
and gentlemen are requested not to seal
turnips Others persons, if detected will
be prosecuted a's
Mr.. Josh Billings philosophicslly 70.
marks that we laff at sheep bekause when
ono of them leads the way the rest follow
ridikilus it may be and suppose the sheep
laF when they see Us do the very same
thing @
The St. John, N B., 'Globe" feels =
degree Of pride in being able to announce
that, at the reception given to the Lord and
the Countess Of Dufferin, in tina. city. eyery
man was sober.
A correspondent Of the New York ..MaW'
says that kissing lady with an Eizabethan
ruff on is about as much fun as EN-, aci. o
a circular saw in full motion.
There il strike among the Doctors 10
one Of tho Swiss Cantons. The people are
exceedingly rejoiced, and at last accounts all
Of them we're in perfect health. ~
The Abba, IoMa Independent" was two
days late last week. Its principal compost.
tor had eaten twenty-three ears Of corn. and
the doctor didn't get him reconstructed on
time. ,.. 4aEg.l
The precocious schoolboy, who quoting
from q distinguished statesman, said be-
knew no North nor South. was surprised
to find himself pat At the bottom Of the class
in geography. ad sa
A jealous Saratoga woman recently, pre-.
vented her husbands attendance at ball
by carrying away every article of clothing
he owned and hiding them in barn thfee
miller away. 7a95 e5f1 eA IA
First lesson in kissing gentleman
should be little the tallsst He should have
clean face, kind eye, and mouth full Of
expression, instead Of tobacco.
When q naughty little boy breaks . win.
dow be should be punished, on tie princi-
pie that panss and penalties 60 together
Industry is not always rewarded. A
Sing Sing convict worked eighteen months
at false key. and it was taken away from
him the day he had ii completed.
A..certain editor in speaking Of the mise.
ries Of Ireland, says, 'Ireland's cup Of NIT.
cry has been for ages overlooking, and
seems to be not get full. II
A nan advertise in the London ..Tele,
.,~orhO for svoru nnm forfahIo anortr,o,..