The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1873-09-05
Mr.. Pilaster's Experiment, and Its On.
pleasant Results.

tlluSttIN S"~ ssS IN
pleasant Results.
There are people who are credulous in
the matter OF new remedies, and hasten
at the first opportunity to justify their
confidence. Mr.. Plaster, resident Of
Nelson street, is such man. he re-
Gently read statement in his agricul-
tural paper that pebble-stone held in
the mouth would very much modify the
craving for thirst, and as he was afraid
! To drink large quantities of ice water,
he was glad he heard of the plan, and
determined to give it trial. He did so
that afternoon, selecting nice, smooth
stone. and rubbing it clean on the leg of
his breeches. Pretty soon after he got
hack in the house, and was holding the
pebble in his mouth, and thinking with
tears of gratitude in his eyes of the man
who made the discovery, the pastor Of
the Pilasters' church, together with two
deacons. and prominent female men,
her of the Khidghluv Mission Society,
made call. Mrs Plaster showed them
into the parlor, where Plaster, with the
pebble in his mouth, joined them. After
a few suitable and impressive remarks
upon the weather, in which each one
contributed something and heartily con-
Cured with what had already been adj
yanced. the subject of the Khidghluv
Mission was brought up, and the con-
yersation soon became quite animated
on the part of the clergyman and two
deacons and the female Khidghluv, while
Mr.. and Mrs. Plaster attentively list
ened. Mr.. Plaster was sitting on No
hair cushioned chair, sitting on the very
edge, so as not toinjure it, and was staring
| in a mild and forgiving manner at the
lady, when he suddenly experienced a
tickling sensation within his nostril, and
wrinkling his nose to prevent ii, he
broke out in gurgling noise, and the
next instant his eyes protruded, he
bounded from the chair, threw his arms
in the air, and dropped down on the
floor, and Immediately went rolling and
kicking under the center table, upset
ting that article, and strewing the floor
with bound books, visiting cards, and
wax flowers. Then he rolled over, and
reared up, and pounded his heels, and
turned black in the face, and worked mis-
hands, and threw his arms. The peo-
pie were terribly frightened. Mrs. Pllas-
ter and the member of the khighluv
| Mission screamed and wrung their hands,
and tried to get out Of the door. One
of the deacons got behind the stove, and
the minister, who had no doubt it was
case of hydrophobia, shrieked above the
din, Don't be frightened, ladies
heaven will protect us, and Immediately
crawled under the sofa. The other
deacon was the only one to retain his
presence of mind. He thought it was
fit, and catching the unfortunate Pilas-
ter by the slack of his neither garment,
as he evoluted about, he held him down,
and rubbed the back of his head with
an album. Then he called the other
deacon to help him, and both Of them
fell to rubbing the miserable man and
! pounding his breast, and shaking his
| head, and in the meantime Mrs. Plaster
! got pail of water and poured it on his
head and down his back. And In the
midst of these extraordinary exertions.
the pebble came up, and rolled on the
carpet without being perceived, but Mr..
Plaster was too weak TO tell them.
Then the two dcacons picked him up
and carried him to his bed, and took off
his clothes, and the clergyman started
after all the doctors he knew the names
of. Mrs. Plaster heated water, and the
female Khidghluver spread mustard
plasters and prepared onion drafts and
ten minutes later the wretched patient
was steaming in a blanket and smarting
under the combined effects of the mus
tard and onions. Then the doctors COM
menced to arrive, and pretty soon there
were seven of them in the room, and
what they didn't know about the case
would have been wicked waste of time
hunting up. The first doctor said it was
something with a name an inch-and-a-
half long and nine joints. Then the
next man fetched up something with a
name still longer, and he was followed
by doctor who had to sit down to pro-
nounce his. At this Mrs Plaster faint
ed dead away, and when she came to.
the seven doctors were calling each other
names of twelve syllables, and the poor
lady went off again. BY this time Mr..
Plaster had SO far recovered as to regain
his consciousness and some of his
strength, and bounding ont of bed with
no clothing to speak of other than three
mustard plasters and couple of onion
drafts, he at once put an entirely differ
ent aspect on the condition of affairs.
And when Mrs. Plaster recovered, and
when the female member of the Kidd
ghluv recovered, which both of them
did when they discovered there was no
one to assist them, they found the room
emptied, and saw Mr.. Plaster scraping
mustard from his leg, and bowling TIE
most dismal language discribable. He
is better to-day, we understandings he
can get around on the street little.
But he says ninety-fve tons of rock can
not quench his thirst for the blood of
the man who suggested that pebble
stone.-Danbury NeUs.