Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1873-11-06
OUR JOKER.

" uSh YOU uodT mhu say luc
world owes him living, don't leave
any hams laying around loose.
"A man in Peoria claims to have
stone that Washington threw at a
wood>pecker on his fathers cherry
tree.
"A Danbury boy wants to know
if it is right for his folks to pay $500
for piano for his sister, and make
him pick berries for circus money.
Scandals over Illinois divorce
laws continue. Depriving a wife of
either or both of her ears has now
been adjudged a sufficient ground for
divorce there.
In passing through dark tun-
mel on Pennsylvania railroad,
woman 8 voice was heard exclaiming:
Don't you fool around! | carry q
pistol in my panierl"
-"Who dat hit me2 Whar's dat
lantern p were the EXPLANATIONS of
an astonished New York darkey be-
ing thrown something like a hum
dred feet by the locomotive.
"A Louisiana man puts two.
ounce can of nitro.glycerine inside
of chicken, losses the chicken to an
alligator, and the bayou which once
knew that alligator knows him no
more.
-Biddy (to Pat. in charge about
difficulty -"Never fear, Pat, sure
we've got an upright judge to thry
ye," Pat-"Ah, BIddy darlin,' the
divel an upright judge | want. IT'S
one that'll lean little"
AT a juvenile party one little fel
low, rejoicing in the splendor of hio
new clothes, went up to another
with the triumphant remark: "YOu
amt dressed as well as | am"
"Well," retorted the other, IL can
lick you, anyhow"
"A Clay County, Kentucky, auc-
tioneer pulled out a revolver and an.
nounced: If any man goes frolick.
ing around while this sale is going
on shall interrupt him in his career.
Put them shot guns over by the fence
an leave 'em thar"
"W hat is that, children p asked a
young pastor, exhibiting to his Sun-
day-school q magic.lantern picture OF
a poor sinner clinging to cross
towering out of stormy waves in
mid.ocean. "Robison Crusoe' was
the instant reply.
The proprietor of young la
dies academy in Illinois has utterly
ruined his business by causing to be
inserted in large number of papers
picture of the building, with Two
girls standing on the balcony with
last years hats on their heads.
The st. Louis Democrat says:
"Our experience and the history of
the past eighteen centuries incline
us to the belief that no matter how
well you treat shotgun, nor how
yt bring it up, it will bang the
stuffing out of you the very first
time it gets a chance"
Once careless man went to the
celler and stuck the candle in what
be thought was a keg of black sand
He sat near it drinking wine Until
the candle burned low. Nearer and
nearer it got TO the black sand
nearer and nearer, until the blaze
reached the black sand, and as it iCaS
sand, nothing happened,
Two Titusville, Pa, lawyers en-
tered into solemn compact not to
drink intoxicating liquors for a year
except when out duck shooting, I'M
der forfeit of 500. One of them
qpenches his thirst without losing
the ducats by keeping a duck in bis
backyard to fire at when he is dry,
and the other has invested in one
also.
"A Western paper says that the
first duty of the Changers ia to ex>
tinguish every operator who begins
his speech with II have not the good
fortune to be farmer; but | have
always felt the most profound inter-
est in the truly noble ard predomi-
nent pursuit of agriculture, and new
er was that interest greater than
now"
"A lady on North Main street
saw something on her carpet on Sat-
urday morning, and. hunting up an
old paper, placed it over the object,
carefully lifted it, went TO the back
st"et ~ cropped in the slop-pail
a pair of gloves. She says she
doesn't see anything very amusing
about this, but it seems as if her hus-
band would split himself over it,