South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-05
WIT AND HUMoR.
gSMITH, who was offered a nlate

~ SMITH, who was offered plate Of
mnccaroni soup, declined it, saying that
they couldn't play off any billed pipe stems
on him.
MATRIMoNY AND DIvoRcE.-Au aged
Indian, who for many years had spent much
of his time among the white people both in
Pennsylvania and New Jersey, one day a.
bout the year ITO observed that the In.
dams had not only much easier way of
getting wife than the whites, but were also
moro certain of getting good one For
said he in his broken English white man
court-court-may be ono whole year -
may be two years before be marry may
be then got oery good wife-but may be
not!-may be very cross We'll now, sup
pose cross scold so soon as get wake in
the morning scold all day scold until
sleep; all one he must keep him! White
people have law forbidding throwing away
wife, be he ever so cross must keep him
always Well how does Indian do!-Iu-
dian, when he see industrious Squaw, which
he like, he go to him, place his two. fore
fingers close aside each other, make two
look like one-look squaw in the face-seo
ham srlile-which is all one-he SAYS Yes ;
SO he take him home-no danger he be
cross no no Squaw know too we'll what
Indian do if he cross throw hin. away
and take another Squaw love to eat meat !
no husband no meat Squaw do every
thing to please husband he do the same to
please squaw live happy"
cSrTwo babies were recently shipped
several hundred miles by express, in Ore
gon, and arrived at their destination all
right but the poor express agent was al.
most worn out telcgraphiug ahead for milk.
shingles, etc., for spanking purposes, ard o.
ther necessaries.
SS DEAN RAMSAY says that Earl Of
Lluderdale suffered from insomnia, and
oaftled the doctors. They could not get the
hirl to sleep. His son, who was simple
said Sen for that preaching man frae
LIVINGSTONE, for fayther aye sleep in the
kirk II was done, says the DEAN, and
with the best result
Gc A PREACHER in a border town took
up collection one recent Sunday. and
found when his hat was returned, that there
wasn't cent in it. Il am glad said he,
turning the hat upside down and tapping
the crown of it with bis hand, that | have
got my hat back from this congregation
EI'AN old chap, whose wife is as ugly as
sin, was recently reading an elopement case
which seemed to affect him. Said he: ~
should be tempted to shoot a man if he was
after my wife," "Wel," said hearer,
"a man ought to be shot if he ran off with
your wife" Verdict for the bearer.
sssN" AM q selfmade man." said ma
tive OF Stonington the other day to a New
York gentleman, with whom he had been
driving sharp bargain. "Glad to hear YOU
say So" responded the New Yorker, who
had been worsted in the trade, "for it re-
iicVes the Lord of great responsibility"
Kiss ME.-A very funny incident oc
cured few days since at certain store
ina Western city. tits too good to be lost
One OF our composers has written a pretty
song, entitled "Kiss Me-" a very pretty.
blushug maid, having heard Of the song.
and thinking she would get it, stepped in.
TO the music store to make purchase
One OF the clerks, modest young man.
stepped up to wait on her. The young la
dy threw back her veil, saying, 81 want
"Kock me to Sleep" The clerk cot her
the song and put it before her. "Now. >"
said the young lady, 81 want the Wander
ing Refugee" eyes. ms'am said the clerk.
bowling, and in few minutes he produced
tho Refugee" "Now, "Kiss Me-" said
me young lady, Of course meaning the song
above mentioned. The poor clerks ewes
popped tire almost, as ne looked at the
young lady in utter establishment. for no
was not aware Of the fact that SONG n
that name bad been published. "Wh-
what did you say, MissY "Kiss Me-" said
she. 81 can't do it, never kissed Young
lady in my life" said the clerk. And n.
bout that time veil dropped, young lady
lett in hurry, the clerk fcl, sick, and the