Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1873-08-29
gelfcteh Miscellany.
A MAD INTERVIEWER.
Pouring Water Down the Spine OF a
Drunken Mans Back-Experience
of One who Tried 1T.

He came in with an Interrogation
pointin one eye and a stick in one hand.
One eye was covered with a handker-
chief and one arm in sling. His bear
ing was that of man with settled
purpose in view.
Il want to see,' said he, ''the man
that puts things into this paper"
We intimated that several of US earn
ed frugal livelihood in that way.
"Well; I want to see the man which
cribs things out of the other papers,
The fellow who writes mostly with
shears you understand"
We explained to him that there were
seasons when the most gifted among
us, driven to frenzy by the scarcity of
ideas and events, and by the clamorous
demands of an Unsuitable public in mo-
ments of emotional insanity, plunged
the glittering shears into our ex-
changes. He went off calmly, but in
a voice tremulons with suppressed feel
ing, and indistinct through the recent
loss of half dozen or so Of his front
teeth
'sJust so. [ presume so. [ don't
know much about this business, but |
want to see a man, that man that print
ed that little piece about pouring cold
water down a drunken mans spine of
his back, and making him instantly
sober. If you please, [ want to see
that man. I would like to talk with
him."
Then he leaned his stick against
our desk and spit on his serviceable
hand, and resumed his hold on the
stick as though he was weighing it
After studying the stick minute, he
added in somewhat louder tone
"Mister, l came here to see that FER
man. | want to see him bad"
We told him that particular man
was not in.
"Just so. I presume so. They told
me before I come that the man [ want
ed to see wouldn't be anywhere. III
wait for him. l live up North, and Fve
walked seven miles to converse with
that man. [ guess I'll sit down and
wait"
He sat down by the door and refec-
lively pounded the floor with his stick,
but his feelings would not allow him
to keep still.
81 suppose none of you dind't ever
pour much cold water down any drunk
en- mans back to make him instantly
sober, perhaps"
None of us in the office had ever tri-
ed the experiment.
"Just so. I thought just as like as
not you had not. Well, mister, | have.
I tried it yesterday, and | have come
seven miles on foot to see the man that
printed that piece. 1t want much of
a piece, don't think; but l want to
see the man that printed it just few
minutes. You see, John Smith, he
lives next door to my house, when Pm
at home, and he gets how-come-you-so
every little period. Now, when he's
sober, he's all right if you keep out of
his way, but when he's drunk he goes
home and breaks dishes, and tips over
the stove. and throws the hardware a.
round, and makes it inconvenient for
his wife, and sometimes he gets his gun
and goes out calling on his neighbors,
and it amt pleasant.
"Not that [ want to say anything a.
bout Smith, but me and my wife don't
think he ought to do so. He came
home drunk yesterday and broke all
the kitchen windows out of his house,
and followed his wife around with the
carving knife, talking about her liver,
and after awhile he lay down by my
fence and went to sleep. [ had been
reading thatlittle piece lit wasn't much
of piece, and l thought if lcould pour
some water down his spine, on his back,
and make him sober, it would be more
comfortable for his wife, and square
thing to do all around; so | poured a
bucket of spring water down John
Smiths spine of his back"
"Well, said we, as our visitor paused,