Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-05-16
Curt Correspondence.
From Chambers Journal.

the Duke OF Dorset OF his changed
condition, wrote: "Dear Dorset
I have just been married, and am
the happiest dog alive.-Bcrkeley."
HIS interesting news being acknowl-
edged with: "Dear Berkeley: Ev-
cry dog has his day.-Dorset." Mr..
Kendall, some time Uncle Sans
Postmaster General, wanting some
information as to the source of a
river, sent the following note to a
village postmaster: "Sir: This de
partment desires to know how far
the Tombigbee river runs up?-Rc-
spectfully, ETC." By return mail
came: ''Sir: The Tombigbee does
not run up at all; it runs down.
Very respectfully, yours, ETC." Ken
dali not appreciating his subordi-
Mates humor, wrote again: "Sir:
Your appointment as postmaster is
revoked; you will turn over the
funds, ETC., pertaining to your office
to your successor" Not at all dis
turbed by his summary dismissal,
the postmaster replied: "Sir: The
revenues for this office for the quar-
ter ending Sept. 80, have been nine
ty-tive cents; its expenditures, same
period, for tallow candles and twine,
sl.O5. | trust my successor is in
structed to adjust the balance" His
superior officer was probably as
much disgusted with his precise
correspondent as the American edi-
tor who, writing to a Connecticut
brother: "Send full particulars Of
the tiood''-meaning an inundation
at that place-received for reply
"You will find them in Genesis" A
good specimen of Yankee brevity is
the order received by commissa-
riat officer named Brown from a
Col. Boyd, which could scarcely
have been couched in fewer words
than: 'Brown-becf-Boyd," the
Colonel receiving his supplies with
note running: "Boyd-beef--
Brown"
Talleyrand acknowledged a pa
thetic letter from a lady friend an
nouncing her widowhood, with a
note Of two words: "IIelas! Mad
ame!" And when the easily consol-
ed dame wrote not very long after
ward soliciting his influence on be-
half of an officer she was about to
marry, he merely replied: clio!
ho! Madame!" More satisfactory
to the recipient was Lord Eldon's
note to his friend, DR.. Fisher, of the
Charterhousc: "Dear Fisher: | can
not, today, give you the prefermcnt
for which you ask. (Turn over-I
gave it You yesterday" Pleasant
to all parties concerned was the
correspondence between the Arch
bishop of York and the Bishop of
Cork: "Dcar Cork: Please ordain
Stanhope.-York." "Dear York:
Stanhopc is ordaincd.-Cork."
When a member Of Lord North's
administration, Fox one night took
the liberty of walking into one lob
by while his chief went into the
other. AS he sat on the Ministerial
bench the next evening, one of the
door keepers handed him q note
Upon opening it, the rebelllous pol
itician read: "Sir: His Ma ajesty has
thought proper to order a new Com
mission of the Treasury, in which
| do not find the name of Charles
James Fox.-North." Not more
agreeable to the recipient was Hen
ry Drummond's answer to q letter
asking him to join the advocates of
the Maine Liquor law: "Sr: l think
the Maine Liquor law perfectly de-
testable, and will do my best to pre-
vent its being adopted hcre-Y Yours,
II. Drummond." AS a rule, a man
with grievance is too proud of his
wrongs to be laconic, but here is an
exception to the rule: "Sir: | was
Lieutenant with Gen. Stanhope
when he took Minorca in 1908, for
which he was made a lord. l was
a Lieutenant with Gen. Blakeney
when he lost Minorca in 1856, for
which he was made lord. | am n
Lieutenant still" Surely such an
appeal ought to have proved resist
less, almost as resistless as that of
the dying dramatist: ''Dcar Bob:
I have not anything to leave thee to
perpetuate my memory but two
helpless girls. Look upon them
sometimes, and think of him that
was to the last moments of his life,
thine-G. Farquhar."