davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

The Georgetown Times is making
a great fuss, says the Paris Ken
tuckian, ''over a follow who sucked
seventy two raw eggs, one after
another, and drank a glass of brandy
and chewed up the glass, as if that
was any great feat. Now, ifan egg
had swallowed seventy-two fellows,
one Immediately after the other, and
taken a drink of glass and chewed
brandy, or if seventy-two eggs had
chewed the fellows, and swallowed
the brandy, one Immediately after
the other, and drank the glass, or if
the glass had chewed seventy-two
fellows and sucked an egg, or if
seventy-two eggs had swallowed the
glass and drank the fellow, then
feat worth recording would have
been performed. The Georgetown
Times be hanged 70
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Lawful sakes Which pocket p
''The behind pocket, num-"
"What blessed thing it is to have
a Bible? There is one that belong
ed to my Matilda Jane but l know
that you will make a good use of it..
[ will remember you in my prayers,
pore soldier -
As the last rays of the setting sun
lighted up the face of that battered
veteran, they shone upon two big
tears, that slowly trickled down
either cheek, making miniature canals
through the dust that coated his
epidermis. He walked up the road
until he was joined by several more
battered veterans, who came out
from a corner of the fence. Two of
them bore a keg. others carried tin
buckets, others had their arms full of
bottles.
"Have you got it. boys?'' asked
the veteran to whom the Bible had
been presented.
''All right, my covey. Ten gallons
of peach brandy, a keg of apple
jack, and ever so many bottles of
blackberry wine. The old gal was
well fixed"
''You made such a ID of a noise
that she would have smoked you if 1
hadn't been there to throw her off
the track. Let's 60 and divide. /
ought to have the biggest share, as
had the hardest part of the work"
1t is thus that patriotism and vir-
tue are rewarded.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

A Tebtown chap, whose adorable
backed out after the minister got to
the house, not being Of the chicken
hearted kind, calmly turned to the
assembled ladies and said, "If
thar's ary another gal here that'll
occupy this vacant situation, I'm
her = whereupon the sister of the
false-hearted one exclaimed, Count
me in, amt afraid and the cere-
mony was performed to the delight
of all parties.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11
"MIr.A.TIGHT SQUEEZE"
A Story for Congressman Who Give
Away Stolen Money.
From the St. Louis Christian Advocate.

From the st. Louis Christian Advocate.
Most or all of our readers are
aware that just before the adjourn
ment of the last Congress, bill was
passed increasing the pay of the
members, and also with a sort of re-
prospective character which gave to
each member handsome sum by
way of ''back pay
The papers generally have criti-
cised this proceeding very severely.
Some of the members refused at first
to receive it, and others who did re-
ceive it have since distributed it to
benevolent purposes. Very little of
such distribution, however, was made
until after much had been said by
the papers against the action of
Congress in making the appropria-
tion. These benefactions, under the
circumstances, remind us of a GER
tain action on the part of one Sny-
dar, who lived little east of place
called Mount Airy, then in Wythe
county, Virginia. Snyder was a
quiet, good sort of man, but sub
ject to fits of arrangement or insani-
ty, during which he usually imagin-
ed himself to be the ruler of the
universe, and would often proceed to
hold the day of judgment, and pass
sentence upon his neighbOrs accord
ing to his own likes and dislikes. He
was the owner of a little country
mill for grinding corn; two Of his
neighbors, John and Jake Fulwilder,
had in partnership a mill also. Be
tween these and Snyder there never
was too much good feeling, thus
verifying the old adage, Two Of
trade can never agree" One day,
when Snyder was a little more crazy
than usual, and particularly mad at
the Fulwilders, he perched himself
upon some elevation and proceeded,
as he laid, to hold the day of judg-
ment. lie first tried the Fulwilders.
and convicted them of taking too
much toll by their own confessions,
and confined them to the left hand
INIT de goats" "Now," said he,
81 tries myself. Jake Snyder, stand
up Jake Snyder, what has you
been about in this lower world? ?"
"Ah, | does not know ''Vell, Jake,
did you not have n mill?'' "Yes, | !
had a MILL Well Jake Snyder,
did you not take too much toll?'
''Yas, ven de water was low and de
dull, 1 did take a leetle
too much toll, but den l always did
give it too de poor Then, after
awhile, he added, ''Jake
Snyder, you may go to the right |
hand nit de sheep, but it is mit-a-
tight squeeze -
The reader may make his own ap-
pication. If these men can get |
clear of the odium attached to the
manner in which the money was re-
by giving that money to the |
poor, it will be 'mit-a-tight squeeze"
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11
Lager Beer does not IntOxIcate.
BY JOSHUA BILLINGS, ESQ.

l hav finally cum to the conclusion
that lager beer as beverage is not
Intoxicating.
have been told so by German
who said he drunk 1t all mite long just
to try the experiment, and was
obliged to go home entirely sober
in the morning. have seen this
same man drink eighteen glasses,
and if he was drunk he was drunk in
German and nobody could under
stand it. 1t is proper enuff to state
that this man kept lager saloon,
and could have no object in stating
what was not strictly thus.
believe him to the full extent of
my ability. Inever drank but three
glasses of lager in my life, and that
made my he'd outwist as tho it vas
hung on the end of string, but |
was told that it was owing to my
bile bein out of place; and | guess
that it was so, for | never billed over
wus than did when got hum that
mite. My wife thot | was goin to
die, and was afraid that l shouldn't,
for it seemed as tho every thing l
had ever eaten in my life was cum
min to the surface; and | believe
that if my wife hadn' pulled off my
boots just as she did. they would
have cum laundering up too.
Oh, how sick l wuz ! IA years ago
and l can taste it now
never had so muck experience in
so short time.
If any man shud tell me lager
beer wuz not Intoxicating, / shud be-
lieve him but if he shud tell me that
l wuzen't drunk that mite but that my
stumick was out of order, l shud
ask him to state over q few words,
Just how a man felt and acted when
he was set up.
If | warnt drunk that mite, had
sum ov the most natural simtums
that man ever had and kept sober.
In the first place it was about 80
rods from where | drank the lager
beer to mi house, and 1 wuz jest over
two hours on the road, and had a
hole bursted through each one of my
pantheon neez, and didn't hav any
hat, and tried to open the door by
the bell-pull and hiccupped awfully
and saw every thing in the room try
ing to get round on the back side ov
me, and in sitting down on a chair.
| did not wait long enough for it to
get exactly under me when it wuz
going n round, and l set down a little
too soon and missed the chair about
II inches, and couldn't get up soon
enough to take the next one that
come along; and that amt awl my
wife sed l wuz drunk as beest, and,
as 1 sed before. began to spin up
things freely.
Iflager beer is not Intoxicating it
used me most almighty mean, that
know.
Still hardly think that lager beer
is Intoxicating, for | have been told
so and am probably the only man
living who ever drunk emmy when his
liver was not plumb.
1 don't want to say ennything
against harmless temperance beve-
rage, but if ever / drink emmy more,
it will be with mi hands tied behind |
me and mi mouth pried open.
| don't think lager beer is intox
icating, but if l remember rite, 1
think it tastes to me like a glass of
soap suds, that a pickle had been put
tew soak in.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Forty-eight circuses and menage
ries started out this season from the
large cities for tenting tours through
out the United States. In towns
where they have visited pocket pick
ing has been very lively, which shows
that a good many of the 'light fin
gered gentry" are travelling with
these institutions.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

The Constit,aionalist, for over fifty
years published at Augusta, Ca, has
suspended publication. The last
number appeared on Saturday. Want
Of patronage was the cause of the
suspension.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

An experienced old stager says if
you make love to a widow who has
twenty years younger than
herself, begin by declaring that you
thought they were sisters.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Memphis is the only city Of its size
in the United States that has not q
volunteer military company. The
boys had enough of it during the
four years of civil war.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

The latest change in the munich
pal liquor law of Chicago always the
dealers in liquid damnation" to sell
on Sunday after 1 o'clock, P. M-the
religious services of the day being
supposed to be over.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Ninety-seven proud mothers went
off mad at prize baby show held in
New Orleans recently, where ninety
eight specimens were exhibited.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

A Pennsylvania paper congratu.
lates itself on the fact that Tom
Scott can't control the through route
to heaven.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

An unreasonable woman in Lon.
don wants wine merchant there,
named McOstrich, to pay $4,000 for
writing 244 love letters to her and
then cooling off in his rhetoric.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

An Illinois editor who was enjoy
ing himself at San Eranci co when
Horace F. Clark stopped issuing
passes over the Union Pacific rail-
road, writes to his wife that he is
walking home for his liyer's sake, and
viii arrive in the fall or early spring.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

There is a time for all things. The
time to leave is when young lady
asks you what sort of a day it is for
walking.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

The new American toy, the postal
card, is all the rage at present. It
will soon disappear, except as an
advertising nuisance.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Old Bittersnap thinks the loek-jaw
among the female sex is not as COM
mon rs 1t might be to advantage.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

Ofioe-seeking appears to be a
chronic habit with the people of this
country. Eight members of the
Illinois Constitutional Convention of
1872 are now candidates for Judges
in that State.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

We count seventeen new women
lecturers who are preparing to assist
in turning the world upside down
next season.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

American railroad bonds have
been negotiated in Germany to the
extent of $9OO,000.0OO.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11
pottree,
The CobbIer.

BY SAMUEL w. PEARCE.
Tom Lapstone was cobbler fat,
His years were forty past,
Yet, notwithstanding all his health,
Each day he saw his ''last.7
And if his children troubled him,
He strove to make amends,
And as he laid them across his knee,
He called it ''waxing ends.''
If not content with such treat,
They would but louder bawl.
He'd deal them then an upper" cut,
Sail in and thrash them ''swl."
But one day Tom was taken i'll,
Said he, ''I'm done, feel,
Yet this poor earth no sorrow has
That Heaven cannot heel
And now I've footed my accounts,
I'm nearing now my goal,
My poor old breath is waxing faint,
But peaceful is my "sole.'"
Then quietly Tom breathed his ''Iast,"
From earth his ''sole" ascends;
'Tis useless that we for him mourn,
For 'awl" must have an ''end.''
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

The servant girl question is troub-
ling society in the North AMI West.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11
ADVERTISING RATES

One square, (ten lines less) for 6rst insertion
one Dollar, each subsequent insertion Fifty cents.
liberal discount from the above rate viii be
made to yearly advertisers
Obituaries of over ten lines viii be charged as
advertisements
All bills due upon first insertion of advertise
ment unless otherwise contracted for.
All announcements of candidates must be paid
for in advance
JOB WORK must be paid for on. delivery.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-06-11

1t is a fact worthy of note that the
Republican press of the North has
had little or nothing to say in COM
mendation of the Presidents Louis
lana Proclamation. Some Repub-
lican papers apologize for it but the
majority are entirely silent about it.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
10000 GIFTS, $5M,OOO.

On TUESDAY, JULY Sth, 1873, the Third
GRIND Gift Concert under the management
of ex- Governor Thos f. Bramlettc, and a,l-
thorized by special act of the Legislature,
for the benefit of the Public Library Of Ken
tucky. positively and nnequiyocally comes
off in Public Library Hall, at Louisville, KY,
when 10000 Gifts, all cash, amounting to
S500,000, will be distributed by lot among
the tickct-holdcrs. The money to pay. all
these gifts IN full is already IN bank and set
aside for that purpose, as the following cea-
tifcatc shows:
OFFICE OF FARMERS AND DRovERs- BANK,
Louisville, KY, April ], 1873
This is to certify that there is in the Farm
crs and Drovers' Bank, to the credit of the
Third Grand Gift Concert for the benefit Of
the Public Library of Ky. Fire Hundred
Thousand Dollars. which has been set apart
by the Managers to pay the gifts in full, and
will be held by the bank and paid out for
this purpose, and this purpose only.
(Signe,U X. $. WEIGH, Cashier.
Only a few tickets remain unsolI, and they
will be furnished to the first applicants at
the following prices: y hole tickets, SO;
halves. s. quarters. 50 50; II wholes for
500: sc for 500; ll3 for $1,000, and SIS for
$4,000. For tickets and full information, ap-
ply to THOS. f. BRAMLETTE,
mI0-lm Louisville, Ky.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
DELINQUENT TAX PAYERS.
ATTENTION!

TsNIIE attention of property holders OF AS
" cension who are indebted to the State
for back taxes is called to the followin.
Act. passed at the recent session OF the
General Assembly:
AN ACT No. 46.
For the relief of tax payers. RENTING all
penalties and interest to all delinquent
State tax payers. provided said back taxes
are paid within ninety days from and after
the passage of this act.
SECTION /. BE it enacted by the Senate
and House of Representatives OF the State OF
Louisiana in General Assembly convened,
That the delinquent tax payers OF the state
are hereby relieved from the payment OF III
tercSt and penalties imposed upon them for
non-payment Of faxes when due: provided,
however. that the S;.lne are paid within
ninety days from the passage OF this act. Ill
default Of which, all penalties and interest to
remain as heretofore.
SEC. ,. BE it further enacted, etc. That
this act shall take effect from and after its
passage.
fSioncdl CHAS. w. LOWELL.
Speaker OF the House OF Representatives
(SigneeD {. c. ANTOINE.
Lieut.. Gov. and President of the Senate.
Approved Marc!, IA. 1873.
(Signc,U WIN. 7. KELLOGG.
Governor OF the State of Louisiana.
y true copy:
2. q. DEsLoNDE,
Secretary of State.
Dclnluents consulting their best interests
will come forward and settle up before tho
expiration Of the time specified i'll the above
Act. LIE. BENTLEY.
Tax Collector, Ascension parish.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
Post-omce Notice.
DoNALDsOSvILLE, La,
April 8, 1872,

DoNALDsOSvILl.E, La, I
April 8, 1872.
Mails -irriye-From New Orleans at
IL NJ. daily Sundays exceptcd).
From Thibod:,ux Monday and Thursday
at o'clock p. NJ
From ST. Fraucisvile Monday and Thurs
day at 8 o'clock \. N.
Mails arc (lO~eGl-For New Orleans
at l:30 4. NJ. daily lSuatlays exceptedl
For Thibodaux on Monday and Thursday
at $50 p. ".
For St Fr:.ncisville Monday and Friday
at J::}0 z. VI.
Post-officc will be open every day from z
A. NJ. to $50 p. NJ. except on Sunday, when
it will be open from to 9 A. NJ, and again
from II A. NJ. to II NJ.
Persons havin. business at the office VIII
please notice the regulations and guide them
selves accordingly.
Money orders can be obtained at this Office
upon post offices i'll all parts Of the United
States. y list Of money order offices can be
seen upon application.
T. LANDRY, Postmaster
F. FoBE. Asst. Postmaster.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31

DER. s. ON AE..-TICkNOR & CO.,
the celebrated cl"thicr>. announce the
introduction Of a plan of ordering cloth
ing by letter. to which they call Your
special attention. They will. on appli-
cation, send you their improved apd ac-
cl,ratc rules for Self Measurement. Illus
tr;ited circular and Price list, with a full
line of samples from their immense stock
of Cloths. Cassimeres, &c, &c, thus en-
ahling parties in any part OF the country
to order clothing direct from their house,
with the certainty of receiving garments
OF the very latest style and most perfect
ii, attailnblc.
Goods ordered will be sent by express
to be paid for on delivery. with the nm
Outstanding that if not satisfactory they
c.n be returned at Tichnor's expense.
Asis well known throughout the South
and West, they have for II years EN-
CELLED i'll all departments of their
business. which is a guarantee as to the
character Of the goods they will send
ont.
Yonr orders are solicited. and when in
st. Louis YOU are invited to call at the
extensive establishment Of Ticknnr q
co. manufacturers and retailers of men
am! boys Clothing and Furnishing goods,
COL and Gn3 North Fourth Street, st.
Louis. No. Boys clothing u specially.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
United states Iarsl.a1's Sale.

United states Narslaa1's Sale.
Pierre n. Canton as. Theodule Mire.
In the United States Circuit Court for tho
Fifth Circuit and District Of Louisiana,
No. $685.
By virtue Of writ OF seizure and sale to
ME directed in the above entitled suit, will
proceed to sell to the highest bidder on
Saturday, the 5th day Of July, 1873,
at twelve (12) o'clock NJ, at the Court House,
in the town Of Donaldsonviile. parish of AS
censiOn, the following described property,
viz:
A certain tract of land situated iii the
parish of Ascension ON the right bank Of the
Mississippi river at the place known under
the name of the New River Settlement
and lying on both sides of New River boun-
ded on the upper line ON the right bank Of
New River by lands of Nicholas Dubois,
and on the left bank by la1sts of widow
Etienne Refine and on the lower line on the
right bank of New river by lands helHnging
to Vincent Paul LaRdry and known by tho
name of the Sherman tract" and ON the
left bank by lands belonging to Simon La
noux. Said tract containing about sixty
superficial acres.
2nu. Another parcel OF land situated III
the same parish and ncighborhood, lying on
both sides of New river, bounded above OH
the right bank Of said river by the tract
herein above described and on the left bunk
by lands belonging to Simon Lanoux, and
below on both sides Of said river by the prop
erty known as the ''Doresin Landry tract"
said parcel OF land containing about thirty
five superficial arpents.
Bird. Another tract of land situated in the
same parish and neighborhood, bounded on
the upper line on both sides Of New River
by the parcel Of land herein above secondly
described and on the lower line on the right
bank OF New River by lands belonging to
V. A. Ganthreaux fterc and on the left bank
by lands belonging to Marceln Braud The
| said tract containing about thirty-six super
fetal acres, together with the buildings and
improvements on said tracts or portions Of
land and the standing crop thereon, and the
cattle on said land used for its cultivation,
and the farming utensils and supplements
thereto belonging, as per inventory on file.
Terms-Cash on the spot.
United States MarshaPs Office, New Or
| leans, May 9th, 1873.
S. y. PACKARD, q. s. Marshall.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31

During a rain storm two weeks since
the lightning struck the chimney Of
Mr.. just Comes residence, below town,
and shattered that structure consider
ably, but the building escaped serious
injury. Though all the inmates of
the house felt the shock Of the stray
streak of electricity, by a fortunate
dispensation Of the ruler of storms none
were hurt.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
Notice to Builders.

DlDS for the construction Of a Church in
- the town of Donaldsonyille will be re-
ceiyed by the undersigned until
Saturday, June 9TH, 1873.
Plan and specifications can be seen at my
office, corner of Lessard and Ibervile streets.
The right Of rejecting any bid is reserved.
f. N PUGH,
Treasurer Episcopal Church of Ascension.
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31
SECOND ANNUAL DISTRIBUT'N.
1890 Premiums,
Ranging in value from
$40 to $1,000 GIVEN AWAY
To the Subscribers o.

To the Subscribers of
Our. Fi1.eSide Friend.
Erery Subscriber is sure Of one pre-
Mum. any uay, and also has an equal
chance Of receiring a Cash Premium, or
a Piano, Organ, Watch, Sewing Ma
chine, ETC., etc.
First Grand Cash Premium $4,000!
OUR FIRESIDE FRIEND.-Eight pages,
large size, illustrated, the family weekly, il
in its third volume and has attained the lar
gest circulation Of any paper in the West.
Its success enables the prOpriet0rs to furnish
the best, most desirable and most useful
original reading matter in great variety, that
~, suited to the wants OF every family. Sub
seription price 50 per year of So nnmbers.
The Elegant Chrome "CUTE,"
size l6x20 inches. Is colors. Acknowledged
by all to be the handsomest and most valua-
BILE premium picture in America. Every sub
scriber is presented with this chrome at, the
time of subscribing tho waiting), and also re-
ceiyes numbered certificate emitting the
holder to /. share in the distribution Of $25,-
600 in casl, and other premiums.
The distribution takes place on the second
Tuesday in June next. The chrome and GER
tificate sent on recei pt of price. Specimen
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ulars sent free to any address.
AGENTS Either local or canvassing in
WANTED every town. Large cash pay
and the best outfit. Send mt once for terms
Address OUR FIREsIDE FRIEND,
Chicago His
The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-05-31

Rain has fallen every day this week
excepting Wednesday, if our memo
ry serves us right. What the plant
ers now want is a few weeks OF dry
weather in order to afford them OPP
portunity for blowing their fields and
destroying the iuxuriant growth OF
grass that has been cngendered by tic
long continued rains.