Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-09-18
PHUNNNGRAMS.

"A young homeopathic doctor in De
troit puts out this special "shingic :"Too
Thacke Cughred."
TO the toast "Woman-shci is the link
between heaven and earthi' Prentice
once replied: $50 is sausage thrown up
in the air"
"A man advertiscs in the London
Telegraph for very comfortable apart
with meadow attached"
The Danbury Ne1os says: "The use
of tobacco is disgusting habit. 1t
weakens the frame, bcnumbs the faculties,
and what is far worse, keeps up the
price"
"A printer was bOasting the other day
about his wonderful ability 10 set type.
Il know what you can't SET said q com
rade What is it," 1.-TWO hens on one
nest"
"A Nebraska man, on his dying bed,
remembered that his wife was smoking
some hams, and he said: Now, Henri
eta, don't 90 snuffling round and forget
them hams"
1t George had not blowed into the
muzzle of his gun" sighed a rural widow
at the funeral of her late husband last
Saturday, "he might have got plenty OF
squirrels, "it was such a good day for
Them"
One Of the leading paragraphists OF
the Chicago Times has been urged to &C
cept a lucrative position in front of a Mil
Waukee leather store. When he stands on
his head and lets out his feet he makes
very superior awning.-Ml]lo0uhee Paper.
An old lacy recently visiting prison,
asked one Of the attendants why the pris-
oneTs received such coarse food. He told
her it was to keep their blood from be
coming impure. And, when asked what
they would do if their blood was impure,
he dryly responded, Break out"
An old Troy river-man says he is dis
gused to hear people nowadays talk of
low water in the Hudson. He remarks
that he can remember WELL years ago,
when the river was low. He asseverates
that one time all the passengers in the
New York boat had to close their win
dows during the entire trip down be
cause the steamers wheels raised such a
dust
The lady who tapped her husband
gently with a fan at party the other
night, and said, Love, it's growing late,
and | think we had better go home" Is
the same one who after getting home
shook the rolling-pin under his nose and
said, "You internal old scoundrel, you, il
you ever look ut that mean, nasty, calico
faced mackereleyed thing that you
looked at tonight, I'll bust your head
wide OPEN
A farmer went into his field one day,
and found his men Lying off, under
tree, when they should have been at work,
Taking silver dollar from his pocket, he
exclaimed: Il will give this to the --LATEST
man among you" All, save one, jumped
up and claimed the prize. THAT fellow
has won it." said the farmer, pointing to
The man still sitting on the ground, and
he stepped up to hand him the dollar.
"Font you please put 1t IN my pocket? p
was the thanks he received.
1T was in a western hotel that the fol-
lowing dialogue occurred: See here,
landlord, belong to the --- Democrat
Now a good notice of your house in our
paper would do you vast deal OF good.
| have been here day. Suppose | give
you notice and call it square" "Oh
don't believe in advertising, that never
does any good. No, | guess not" But,
see here, landlord, that's all mistake;
you can't live without advertising, and
my little bill" "WelI it don't matter,
the sheriff is to sell me out to-
morrow, and puff can't save ME. guess
I'll take the cash"