Richland beacon., 1873-10-11
HUMOROUS.

"A st. Paul waSherWOma9 attending
church offered to call it squar' II the
deacon who passed round the contribu-
ton box would put in the amount OF his
bill
The Boston Courier saws some
members of the city council refuse to
be vaccinated at the city's expense, as
they are opposed to taking anything
out of the public pus. O.
Warner, in his " Backlog Studies.
SAYS there are still attempts made to
bring up family round "register,"
hut you might just as well try to bring
it up by hand a. without the rallying-
point of hearthstone.
A laly, showing to a friend the
photograph of herself and husband,
was told that the gentleman's was much
the better likeness. "Yes, nv dear"
she answered, "but then you know that
men are SO very easy to catch.
A dyeing establishment in this city
has mixture which is called the purple
dye. 1t is a strange coincidence that a
man who had very sick dog the other
day expressed his apprehensions in pre-
clSely the same language.
The Dsnbury News fellow saws:
"The majority of women care but little
about suffrage If the backs to car
seats could only be followed out so as
to admit of their bustles tapping over,
the ballot might go to thunder for all
they care"
If an edge tool is SO hard as to
crumble, grind it on dry stone until
the edge turns blue il will then cease
to break, and the temper will generally
prove to be about right Scythes and
axes are sometimes too hard at the edge.
but if treated in this way will give no
further trouble
The Piutes in Utah occupy their
leisure moments in catching flying liz
ards with sticks curved like the handle
of a cane, and eating them. When II
Piute sees one he extends his stick, and
by dexterOus twist spins the lizard in
the air, catching him in his hands as he
comes down. The flesh of these lizards
resembles the meat of bull-frog, and
they are said to he even more delicious.
As fast as the Indians catch them thev
string them around their waists and
necks, and toast them one by one, as
they become hungry.
CHUNKS OF WISDOM. people
are like an egg. too phull tf themselfs
to hold emmy thing else.
Misery luvs kOmpany," but kant
bear kompetishun there amt noboddy
bnt what thinks thare bile is the sorest
bile in markit.
To be big man among big men. liz
what proves mans karakter to be a
bul-frog amung tadpoles don't amount
to much.
What blessed thing i is that we
kant "see ourselves as others see us;"
the sight would take all the starch out
Nv us.
Thare is lots ov phoiks in this wurld
who kan keep nine out ov ten of the
without emmy trubble
at all, but the one that is left they kant
keep the small end ov.
Expektashun is the child ov Hope.
and like its parent iz an arrogant brat.
Excentricitys are most alwus artyfi-
shall, and the bes. that can be sed Ov
them IL, they are quite az often the re-
suit Ov diffidence as Ov vanity.
If want tew git at the trew karakter
ov man, study hiz vices more thar
do hiz virtews.
Those who expekt tew keep them
selves pure in this life must keep their
souls bilelng all the time, like a pot,
and keep all the time skimming the sur
face.
1t don't do tew trust a man tew much
who IL alwus in hurry, he liz like a
pissmire, whose heart and bones laws in
hiz heels.
There IL nothing so delishus tew the
soul Ov man as an occasional moment
ov sadness.
Jealous people alwus Inv themselves
more than they do those whom they are
jealous Ov.
Curiosity iz the germ ov all enter
prises /; men dig for wOodchucks more
for curiosity than they do for wood
chucks.
The purest and best specimens ov
human natur that the world haz ever
seen, or ever will see, hav bin the vir-
tewOIs heather.
Men don't fail so often in this world
from want of right motives az they
do from lack ov grip.
There liz only two men in this world
who never make eny blunders, and they
arc WI and me, mi friend.
Yung man, WI kant learn ennything
BY hearing yourself talk, but yu may
possibly bi hearing others.
Thare iz lots ov folks in this world
whom WI kan bio up like bladder, and
hen xix them az high NJ yu plez.
| hav alwus notissed one thing, that
when cunning man burns his fingers
,very body hollers for Joy.
l sumtimes distinguish between Ia
ent and genius in this way A man of
alent kan make whissel out of a pigs
ale, but it takes a man of genius to
make the tale. kant tell now whether
goose stands on one leg so much to
est the leg as to rest the goose.
Wish some scientific man would tell me
Ill about this.
I had rather be a child again than to
De the autokrat of the world.
Thare is newmerous individuals in
he land who look upon what they
,aint got az the only things worth hav-
pg.
Thare is those who kant laff with i'm
ounity if they amt stiff and sollum
hey amt nothing.
One man ov genius TO 81 thousand
our hundred and AZ men ov talent liz
ust about the rite perproshun for aktu-
Al dizziness.
Veentilashun liz good thing, but
when man kant lay down and sleep in
10 aker lot without taking down lengths