The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-01-04
CREAM or OUR EXCHANGES.

etrlrSeu int nc o. a : II I'd two or three thou--
and ir.l.r-' worth E ohroaOs.--hdnkdkbe
Ga,sttc.
Always excepting editors Our collection has
iust ran up 60 25 cents, aud borrowed .t that.
The GGz<tte l,meats TIE p4inful fact that the
colyrsf pol aa,ion 81 that city is on the decrease
1t j. done by u rrying
r cry time two .! hem marry that counts
one less Let the GIzctte man have pstieuce,
and wait tlu while ago !" for a demonstration
of the rule IN mathematics that one aud ono
make tv0-.i not ssore.
Tie Gtzette ,pe4kS OF the 'close of the schools."
but de-. not tell Us what they were, except that
Mis- Perkins ,pptaled with "a fuit knife and
anapkin RAG WITH the thermometer at 20o
below zero. would not this ring" DO "thin 2"
They M sht have given her napkin.
Some Y une ptpsrs are gifted with refresh.
ing frtnkuess One journal thinks it "imrru.
dent tor welthy tuwusman 10 solicit puff
for hi, flvorite horse who oannot afford copy
of the paper"
M-.. Dan. Sickles, OF Madrid, has a son.-E1.
Yes but how about Daa?
The lar-est stakeholder in the New York
Tribune is Samuel Siucl4ir. who entered the
otfi1e twenty-five years ago as " naii clerk. He
is now worth $500 600.
Now. young man, # you would become rich,
get to he IN il clerk in printing Office, say the
MurseilIe. AGaertiar for instance.
SoMe oHe has written = song. "On, why Am
SO uuh 'ppy?' 1t may be because he married
the wrong woman, or perhaps they refuse to
f-rs, hi IL
about these things now-a.day s.-Es.
We endorse the above remarks. Sometimes
we think 1T is one aud sometimes the other Of
these wretched circumstances, or it may be
worms. Anyhow, we are unhappy.
Some women ure angry When you love them
Others .re angrier when you d0nt.-Ex.
II that fellow who wrote the above means NJ,
he is mistaken to the Latter class. Women
always hate US at first sight and it crews ON
them as they become better acquainted. How
nice it would he to be dorg and be turned into
sausage As most women love sausage. some
fair one would eat US and make us happy.
We give our readers-our melancholy and
lines on " Ye P.ygs:"
"Ye plege he IS pretty fowls,
And woudrous good to eat:
Iys ham is good likewise his jowIe.
Aud exc his little feete;
But though you try u thousand years,
trnw you still will f.yle,
To make silk PURGE OF his care.
Or wyssei OF his tayle."
Gold weather il responsible Tor many thioss.
Here is one:
"Th- first bird Of spring attempted to sing,
But ere he had sounded = note,
He fell from the limb, = dead bird was him;
The music bad friz in his tt -oat"
The Cairo Bulletin, not wishing to omit any
of its subscribers addresses itself in editorial
headlines to The Damptools Of Cairo"
The Springfield Journal mentions that it re-.
Gently forced dog to fly from its third STORY
window. 1t fails to state how many ours 70.
NAMED.
The school teachers Of Kane county have 70.
Gently been visiting Elglu, and the Elgin Ga
sette in describing them. wickedly says: "Thers
are not a few conspicuous specimens Of mental
incompetency visible in their numbers-youuv
ladies and gentlemen who wsud ornament .
kitchen or adorn n sawbuok, but entirely too
Loose, frsky and loony to render valuable ser.
vice in the school room.
The NORTH American perpetratss tho following
sheepish wittisism: "A happy father in Hsr.
risburg objects to bis wife calling the Young
America q precious little lamb because, In
what kind of light does that place him before
the worldf"
The Decatur Republican, says:
Mosquitoes sit very close to the stove such
weather ~ this, and appear discouraged.
Here they are not discouraged, but tempera.
rily subdued.
Terre Huuio lovers visit their idols lo,ded
with ob!ations of gum drops, sucking which, the
fond ones make those vows which eventually r..
suit IN Suckers to coae.-Kda
la speaking OF the local debating society
country paper says: Sour village debating
clubs ase in full blast, and questions that have
enstosstd theintellectuai functions of sages ever
since the flood are being decided at the rate of
twoa week
The Indianapolis J0uraal contains a startling
piece OF information, to the effect that in Phila.
delphia they hang any editor who says any thing
witty. But for the good name o, the Quaker
city, 1T add-, they haven't hang An editor for
thousand years.
urn down tho left end of your calling card
hnu You intimate that your call Is INTENDED for
All III 'he house,; The lower left corner turned
GOWN mc"us farewell - the lower right neans
congratulations; the upper right mean. " two
in tue house ; and the upper means .condolence."
-ELchaage.
When you call never bring the left DO wer
~,