River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-09-12
Wit and Wisdom.

pie Early III the TAIL.
WHEN you tell man a Joke, poke
him in the shirt and he'll laugh.
The only food that is always cheap
and abundant is food for laughter.
To learn the value of money-Try to
/ borrow it.
TAYLOR says there is no goodness in
nature but virtue.
A WISE questioning is the half of
knowledge.
ERROR will slip through crack,
while truth will get stuck in the door
way.
EDUCATION produces great results in
the United States. 1t is said to make
good children even out of the Cincin-
natl boys.
BAD temper bites at both ends it
makes ones self nearly as miserable as
it does other people.
THE man who divided the human
race into two classes exploded hum
bugs and unexploded humbugs-has
not yet decided, so far as heard from,
IN which class to locate.
IT has been discovered why the
Ephesian dome was fired. The youth
who did it was not ambitious, but he
was agent for a patent fire extinguisher.
The editor of an Illinois paper thinks
fishing, as a general rule, doesn't pay.
eve stood all day in the river, last
week, " he says, but caught nothing
until we got home"
The taste of emotion may become
dangerous taste; we should be very
cautious how we attempt to squeeze out
OF human life more ecstacy and par
oxysm than it can well afford.
IT is one of the first effects of pros
perity to make man vortex instead
of a mountain; so that instead of
throwing out, he learns only to draw
in.
LITERARY GENT Cat Saratoga, to
Shoddy Miss)-Have you read Shaks-
peare?" Shoddy Miss" course L
have. l read them when they fust came
out"
Jury, SAID Western Judge, "you
kin go out and find verdict. IL Won
can't find one.of your own, get the one
the last jury used" The jury returned
a verdict OF suicide in the ninth degree.
How it Stands" Mary, 90 into the
sitting room, please, and tell me how
the thermometer stands" Mary. after
investigating. said g 1t stands on the
first mantel-piece, jest east the wall,
men,"
PIfEoN PIE-Tom: 81 say, gramma,
do you think this poor pigeon was dead
when cook put him in the oven ~
Gramma Yes, dear; why2" Tom
(incredulously): "Because he's knock
ed off all hi toes in kicking through
the crust-that's all I"
Mr.. JOSH BILLINGS philosophicallv
remarks that we laff at sheep because
when one OF them leads the way all the
rest follow, however ridiAilus il NAV
be; and ] suppose the sheep laff when
they see us do the same thing.
SEVERAL Irishmen were disputing
one day about the invincibility of their
respective persons, when one of them
remarked, Faith, I'm brick" 'And
indade I'm bricklayer," said another,
giving the first speaker blow that
brought him to the ground,
"WHAT is that, children 2" asked n
young pastor, exhibiting to his Sunday
school a magic lantern picture of poor
sinner clinging to cross towering out
of stormy waves in mid-ocean. "Rob-
inson Crugoel" was the instant reply.
An exchange says "The Nebraska
Indians are allowed to ride free on all
trains they can jump on while the lat
ter are in motion. The tribe is being
reduced very rapidly. This is bv all
odds the most effective and economical
system of dead heading on record"
Two young ladies and Mr.. Thaddeus
OGrady were conversing on age, when
one of them put the home question.
(which OF us do You think the elder,
Mr.. OGrady "Sure," replied the
gallant Irishman, You both look
younger than each other"
A STONE CUTTER received the follow.
ing epltaph from n German, to be- cut
upon the tombstone of his wife. "Mine
wife Susan is dead, if she had lift till
mex friday she'd bin dead shust two
weeks As tree falls so must il stan.
all tlngs is impossible NIT God"
Two Milcsians were standing M tho
Paramount water.works, in philadel.
phia, watching the big wheels splash
ing the water in every direction, when
ode of them remarked "Mike, isn't
this quarc country, where they have
TO grind their water before they can
use ii +"
!" HAVE YOU noticed, asked friend
OF AMBROSE Thomas, the French com.
poser, how y. seems to have lost his
pompons manners, since his last fiascog"
+" On, replied Thomas, misfortunes
are tie sharps Of life. They restore us
70 our natural tone again. .
liz Gmaginatiye)-"I always think
lisa pity to be in London when the
country and gardens are so lovely.
Your flowers must be splendid just
now. = She (practical-taking teal
= Yes mamma says some Of US ought
to 60 down Tor day or two just TO
please the gardeners.