The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-10-11

hnurht A fine orchard OF Two uuhuicu "PP''
trees in steuben county, and tapped every ont
OF them in order to secure supply OIL ei0er'
brother in a Thursday night prayer meeting
at La Crosse addeu to his prayer: "And that Inc
fellow who stole my horse-hit him with thun
derbolt before he gets into Iowa"
Very ingenious and often witty are the contrl-
vance, of rural editors to spur up their delin
ouent patrons, but the following roma vermont
paper is painfully pathetic:
We had sweet dreams the other night,
When all around was still
We dreamed we saw host OF folks
Pay up their printers bill.
We wish the dream would come to pass,
And our empty pockets I'LL
Tar de ump te diddlc dunn,
Tc lump te iddle dill.
The Rhode Island people complain that theN
state is overrun with mice As many Us thlr'y
or forty have been seen there
Afond lover who serenaded his lady love on
bright moonlight night recently, when it didn't
rain Drop refuses to explain how 1t was that
he came away very wet
An article in an exchange, on training boys
asks: what should be parents ain" to which
cotemporary replies:
If he wants to kill his boy with gun, lie should
aim at his head or his bosom. If he desires mere
Nv to SKATER the child's leg, manicstly the prop
gr course to pursue is to aim at the leg. 1t Is
likely however, that most parents Will prefer to
operate with 4 slipper or Il trunk strap, in which
event the portion of the trousers which touches
the chair IS obviously the point to aim at.
tame crow was lately seen in Washington in
astatc OF beastIy intoxication The inference is
that il was elected from the stomach Of repent
ant liberal politician.
\ Gacsburg barber adycrtises himself as a
"profcssor of crinicultural abscsson and crani-
illogical trpsis'
In suit against the Ill. Central railroad COM
pany for the loss OF Il leg, an Eliingham jury last
week awarded the fair plaintiff $1,000 The
jury, being composed Of married men, knew the
value oil such things, but the railroad company is
disguised.
The Lacou H,Dc Jo,,uM man has made this
nerve quoting discovery:
If anybody sees row Of buttons coming down
street, let him preserve his equilibrium and think
not Of supernatural agencies There's a woman
behind them.
Troy family has a baby with four teeth in
its nose; 50 says an Albany paper.
The people at and around Frecport have been
teeced by 4 Sewing Machine agent who sold
them machines on time, taking their notes, then
forging the notes half dozen times over and
selling them to the banks People green enough
to give notes to a sewing machine agent ought
well, to pay them,
Pennsylvania paper says boastingly: "Jcru-
sha Bryant slew panther last week. She is not
married.
We should hope not. Who would dare to 90
home mellow to such a woman?
sharp Toledo girl said of gentleman to
whom shc had just been introduced, that he
would be very presen!ablc if the Lord hadn't
turned up 80 much Of his legs to make feet of.
The Peoria RerieO plantively sings
Poison your neighbours dog if you can
For that's the way TO do
Call him up close
Ana give him dose
Ihat'll scuttle his cid canoe.
Ncpraskas new laws impose fines for profane
swearing done by ANY person of the age of
fourteen years and upward Children under
iourteen,may say cuss words as before.
They call Mrs. Wray, OF Georgia, unfeelinr be.
cause she chewed gum while her husband wa.
being laid away in the silent tomb.
Dr. o, {. DE Wolf is Chicago physician. The
sudden and unexpected announcement Of hi,
name might startle nervous patient
Chicago paper gives us the following among
ITS "Phunnygrams:'
At Roscoe, Wis, IA few days since a passcngc
on q Northwestern train put his head out OF
car window and was caught by cattle. rr,Iar,
and Instantly killed.
y New Orleans homeopathic says it isn't tn
true A--tic cholera-only q "pcrncious gastr,
nte. tual catarrh, false cholera" which make
it sy much the worse
Harry Touusheudoau, who several wears NO
Kept barber shop in the old Pioneer Store, 4
MIhupha IL one OF the editors and publishers ,
Tie Osweso '"ttte. Harry is as jolly US ever.
Which accounts for the barbar.ous manner il
which the paper /. edited.
Waterton has a sewing society composed O
lAliiy-'Aree widows, and the sound Of pair o
masculine boots going past the house when the,
meet ls said TO be enough TO stop every one o
'he tu.rtytAree needles.
An .nti.woman's Brighter put. the ease thus.
Which is Of greater value, pray thee, saw.
IAe bride or bridegroom? Must The truth b,
tUlQy
Alas, 1t must. The bride is given away,
The bridegroom often regularly sold
The radical politicians over in Iowa carry whct
stones in their pockets with which they rub tn
palms OF their hands to bring them in proper con
eiuon 70 shake hands with the farmers.
OWING u "a war among the dry goods mel
chants at Denver calicos were reduced 10 tw
cents per yard, aud every editor, reporter am
minister IN the place now wears a shirt-,saud,
ln some Instances, but still a shirt
Sentimental editor having said: 1T i. com
f9rims to know that one eye watches fondly TO
our coming, and looks brighter when We come
= contemporary expresses both surprise and regret
- learn that his brother Of the quill has a wifi
with bat one eye.
\ man in Virginia has brought down the Don
ular indignation on his head by demons train.
that Kerosene oil viii cure snake bite as rcadil,