South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-05-09


ETA oUEsTIoa. of privilege asking
60 go home With girl
E%'SMoTnERED VENUS 10 a Cslifor.
MIA dish, and 10 spite of lie name, is only
beefsteak and onions.
GD DENVER has a new hotel with bull.
let-proof walls You can 81, in perfect Sc
ourity aud listen to the shooting in the
next-room.
WIT FROM THE PULPIT.-It is related
OF a certain New Eogland divine who -four
ished not many years ago, and whose mat
rimonial relations are supposed not to have
been Of the most agreeable kind, that one
sabbath morning, while reading to his con-
gregation the parable of the supper, in
which occurs the passage: 'And another
said, have bought five yoke of oxen, aud
and | go to prove them pray thee have
me excused. And another said | have
married a wife, and therefore cannot como"
he suddenly paused at the end of this
verse, drew off his spectacles, and looking
around on his hearers, said, with EN- pbasis
'The fact liz, my brethren, one woman can
draw man farther away from the kingdom
of heaven than fre yoke Of oxen =
'EPIscoPALIANs. '-'Are there any Eps-
copalians in this vicinity, madam asked
tall, thin stranger of Mrs. Artemus, as
she stood in tho open door, in answer to
his knock.
ANY which ?
'Episcopalians'
Now, if Mrs. Artemus had falling, it
was that she never would admit that she
could possibly be ignorant of anything
She always knew all about any subject
mentioned. SO size answered:
'Episcopalians " Wall, we don't exac'-
ly know. My John-he's my son-be
seed somethiu' outn the later patch Wis
tcrday. He didn'. really know what it
WIS, but | told him ! guessed it was n
chipmonk. But now you speak out I'll
bet it was Episkerpalum. And my next
neighbor, Farmer Hawkins, he said he shot
at somethin' that same day that John seed
his strange critter, and Farmer Hawkins
he thought it was some wild critter that
had got out of some managcry somewhere
Anyhow, think that's Episcopaliug, too
BE they bigger'n chipmonk p
You misunderstood me, madam.
'Wall, you needn't feel uneasy. Ef
there's any Piscomaliums 10 this here neigh.
borhood, you can just make up your mind
that they'll git shot We are too feeln'
community to let things run at large
which mout destroy and devour somebody
Como in won't ye =
'No, I thank you-I amt got time
&y- No wonder he hadn't time to tarry,
for he was an Episcopal preacher.
Boz y WISCONSIN school teacher, when
a pupil is disobedioni, idle, or refractory,
to the delinquent dose Of cas-
tor oil He says such treatment ought to
render the scholars 'doseile.' lie evident
ly needs quart or so himself
EE The jokers are not all dead yet. -
A Hampshire wag put the following ad-
vertisCment in weekly paper: who
wants to buy new mich COW, that is ev-
cry way kind, only five years old and gives
fifteen quarts of good milk to a milking ?
Jack Rodgers The next week Mr. Rod
gers received not less than fifty applications
through the paper for the COW, which werc
answered thus III hear Of any such
COW will let you know Immediately. Yours
truly, j. Rodgers.
ETA WESTERN journal offers this in
ducement: 'All subscribers paying in ad.
vance will be entitled 10 a first class obitu.
airy notice in case Of death
@MoBR1DE, Of tho Washington Giro
nic'e was rushing along D street, one day
last summer, pencil in hand, and caromed
against Rev. G.. A Hall, who is always
equally in a hurry, through bis zeal on re-
ligious chores. Halo, Mac = exclaimed
the Rev. G. A, imPulsivey, taking him
by both hands what are you doing for
jesus ? WELL says Mac, TO tell the
truth, ] ain't doing much I'm on the
Chronicle now
s~OH, the snoro the beautiful snorc, Gil