The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-11-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES,


would inform them that there was an election
last week; also that if Al. Fellows goes bare
footed and jim Morrow barchcadcd, they do /
on their judgment. Whoop"
John Paul says many absurd things, but some
times his opinion is sound. For instance, whcI
he says:
It is sound business judgment to avoid TIT
vicinity OF any animal whose skin is SO short ina
he can't drop his ears without raising his heels
the more so If he happens to be so particularly
lively that he can 20 through DOM lhotlohS IL
ence.
Young lady in Lancaster, Pa. has the initials
YM c. A. engraved ON one corner OF the care
which she hands TO some of her gentlemen yisi
tors At first they think she belongs to The
Young Mems Christian Association, but 1t IS moi
long before they discover that IL means You
may come again"
Those who are old enough to remember the
first spelling books will remember the child
startling assertion that
In Adams fall
We sln-ncd all.
The parody on this has beon long coming, but
Josh Billings has finally drawn the bead after
this fashion:
In Adams sin
We all jined in.
4 Cincinnati widow advertised for every Christ
ian in the city to send her ten cents She realized
twenty cents, indicating an unexpectedly large
number of Christians in that city.
The doctrine that no sin can escape punish
ment is fortified by the fact that the Washington
Chronicle QIaran's paper has discovered that
"thc Republican party is corrupt, and that the
people are going to weed out the unfaithful pub
lie servants" 1t must be a powerful scent Of
birthstone that can get into IarlanS nostrs.
The question with which Vicksburg, Miss is
now wrestling, is to ascertain how much more
dangerous than burglar is the average Ficks-
burg negro policeman. One Of them recently
attempted to capture burglar, and before the
Job was finished shot horse and two citizens.
The burglar escaped.
Speaking of President Grants Thanksgiving
proclamation, the Cincinnati Enquirer is ungGn-
erous enough to intimate that the revived demo
Gratis Of that state will celebrate the day with
less Noyes than usual.
Miss Darlington writes to her aunt that the
bridal wave, which the papers talk so much
about, has no touched that town for six years.
Raging hcrcabouts. This county is averaging
nearly % licenses a week
TO the poor is recorded in heaven
That may be why the average word merchant
gives so seldom to the poor. He dislkcs the
risk of that recording above.
The King of Ashantee says an English CORES.
pondcnt, lives in state with three hundred and
thirty wives. The size of the shanty is not men.
toned.
The Springfield RepaJijcaa thinks that "proba.
bly, 4 surgical operation will not be necessary to
get the notion out Of Mr., Allen q. Thurman
head that he Is in danger Of being the next pres.
dent"
The Mt Carmel gazette says justice of the
peace OF that place was badly smittcn by ancigh.
boris wife She did it with a rolling pin,
II is the correct thing in British Columbia to
walk about with chunks Of gold quartz in your
pocket worth a few hundred dollars apiece.
II knocks the poetry out of it tremendously to
reflect That nearly all the pretty girls one secs
are but incipicnt mother-in-laws.
II has become question as to whether phrc.
uoOgst can tell what barrel contains by cx. |,
aiming its head.
The Labanon, Ky, Stonda,a reports the birth
OF child in Taylor county with well developed
chlgnon, Of hard, feshy, substance on the back
OF its head. This is an early attempt at fashion.
a man named Gin, at La Crosse. pettioncd to
nave his name changed, because If he don't his
aGored threatens to make Gn-slng.
A baby was born on a street railway car in st
LOUIS ii y Is boy 1t ought TO be christcncd {
ii scar World
ku. as it's girl the mother has determined to
name it Car-line. -Comn,ercial
" was bobtal car and the boys name is
Robert IIale-.St Louis Democrat.
No, it was Dolly Warden car, and his name is !!
Humphrey,
The obituary poet Of the Philadelphia Lcdgr
has reached his climax. ANY body that can read
the following without shedding tears, can't be d
human. The picture Of little boy climbing the !
golden stairs without his trousers on, is tran. {
sccndently beautiful and touching; :,
Lay aside the little trousers,
That our darling use to wear,
lie Will never on earth want them,
lie has climbed the golden stair |.
ApropoS Of the recent cscapadc Of Anna Dick :
Inson, in reaching her lecture stand in Cincin- /
natl but an hour behind time, in spite Of a rail t
road smashup when still, like Sheridan, "forty t
miles away Il cotempor ary does her up as {
follows: |
MISS Anna Dickinson has found new way of
ot'hlu'"Nls applause. Heretofore tears, the
SehulhG saline production have been very ciieC-
w. III her dlscourscs, but even these lose their
'It'c aiter while, and SO Anna has taken TO
~" mtlhOd. She misses a train on the evening
1l her lecture. Does she sit down and weep over
Aci misiortunes; Not bit OF it. She charters
special train, a steamer, and fast horsc.r and
iilue before o'clock appears upon the stage
Win quick, tragic stride, flushed face, dsheycl-
ga mar rubber boots, and look which seems to
'"'' is''hu upon me throne"-W Washington star.
Something's broke loose in Name say
coiemporary. We should think there had and il .
seems to be chiefly the marriage tie Forty.
three applications for divorce were filed in York
and - in Cumberland county during October
There seems to be too much marrying there and
too i'ttlc marriage.
Capt Hoyerstick Of the Rock Island T-oio..