Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1873-01-21
Las2ech for Het73a03'IStS.

Lssasch for Hasnsos'Ssts.
$50 dark, and yet so light" as the man said
when he looked at his ton Of coal.
Speaking of very tall actor, wag said -
By Jove, he's tall enough to act in two parts.
A very good way TO muzzle dog is to place
the muzzle behind the ear and pull the trig-
ger
The New Orleans papers com plain that seven.
elghths of the communications sent them and
signed tag payer are by persons who DOS
sess not the fee simple to yaller dog
A man lately made wager that he had seen
3 horse going at his greatest speed and dog !
sitting on bis tail, and, strange as it may seem.
be Won. bat the dog sat On bis Own tail.
A Massachusetts, State constable who re.
,ently entered store TO make a seizure. ,
,ause OF information that something = ue-
'apped there. was intensely die lad been
vas only pair of boots listed to fnd it
4 suburban
: e Pc correspondent says that the real
,orters of some of the dailies are 30
arm after items now that he hesltates about
having his trousers repaired, for fear that 1t
will be reported that he has bought "a ne"
country seat.
Good man.-We like to see man keep his |
family posted on current affairs, Ike the man |
at Terre Haute, who gently recloes on the
grass in the rear Of the House, and reads the
newspapers aloud to his wife, while she pre-
pares the wood Tor the cook stove.
Some BOYS 10 Gilboa, Gre n county, recently
found blonde chignou with bairplns and puck
ering-striogs attached. L was nice water
fall-a real delicate thing--aud the youngsters
Rugged and caressed il with as much ardor a.
they would the gal who wore 1t. At last &C,
counts they were organizing company TO hoo
the rest of the woman.
A traveller. On a miserable, lean steed, was
hailed by Yankee, who was hoelng his pump
kins by the roadside:
"Hnlo friend. where are you bound y
Il am going to settle in the western coun-
try replied the other.
''Weil, get off and strsddlc this pumpkin
it will grow and carry you faster than that ere
beast"
A love-smitteu gentleman, after conversiuga
while with lady on the interesting topic OF
matritnony, concluded ct last with the emphat-
"Will you have nle?"
81 am very sorry TO diEappcint you" replied
the lady, ''aad hope my refusal will not give
you pan ; but must answer no,
well, we'll, that will do, said her phlio-
sophical lover; and now suppose we change
the subject"
A little Danbury boy ran away from school
Monday, to go chestnutting. During the ex-
peditioa he fell twice out Of one tree to the i'm
miuent danger Of breaking his neck, was licked
by one of the other boys whose braath he ma
teria!iy lessened By stumbling against his
L IL hos rna opI
bitten violently on the neck by new kidd OF
bug. When he got home his father anointed
him with the boss end of billiard cue and the
next day at school the teacher escorted him
twice around the room by his poorest car. He
says that cheStnuts so wormy this year that
it don't pay TO go after them.
SCENE AT a CHURCH. "A blunt Californian,
who bad spent most of his years 10 the interior.
was induced to become member of the church
AS he preferred ba tism by immersion, the
preacher appointed time, when, in presence
of the people gathered from all the country
srouDd he entered the stream that hJWs
through the canon. to receive that holy rlte.--
The service bad commenced, and just as the
minister was about to immerse him, water
snake swan by. The clergyman hesitsted a
moment and in explanation of the delay said,
in a low voice, pointing at the reptile: There
goes snake. Yes exclaimed the old man.
rushing toward the bank, and a-l Of a big
'uu tool You bet, he said, in telling US the
story, I lest no time in scramb'irg up hat ar
bank, for | am powerful feard @ snakes.
SELECTING TURKEYS An old fellow who
vas noted through the town for his suffering
as we'll as for his shrewduess 10 making bar
gain. stoppe0 at grocery and Inquired
How n,-ra-many t-t-turkeys have you g-g-
got2''
Eight, SIR replied the grocer.
'T-t-tough or t-t-tenderY
Some are tender and some are tough" was
the reply.
Il k-k-keep b-boarders," said the new ems
toner. 'P-p-p pick out the IF four t-t-toughest
ones. if ynu p-p-please.'
The delighted grocer very willingly complied
with the unusual request. and said In bis poll
test tones:
These are the tough ones, sir"
Upon which the purchaser cooIly put his
hand upon the remaining tour, and exclaimed ::
I'll t-take th-ththese u
The MAN WHO CHANGED HIS MIND.-A
few DAYS ago TALL roug BLOCKING mountaineer
entered the Union Railroad ticket Office at Den
yer, and through mistake, purchased a ticket
for New York via the Kansas Pacific line, when
he wanted to go over the Union Pacific. He
did not discover this fact until after the ticket
EaQ DeCl pdIO tOlt GbA oi cchicB Tue agent To
change it, the latter refused TO do SO.
''You won't change this ticket, then, won't
you r
'.No, sir, ~ replied the agent; you have
your ticket, and | have the money Tor 1t, and
If you want q ticket over the ether route you
will have TO buy it.
Very quietly the stranger twisted bis ticket
into small roll; very sereney he drew from
under his right coat tail, a siz-shooter, about
the dimensions Of mountain howitzer; cool
IL and deliberately be stuck the twisted ticket
into the muzzle Of the six-shooter, and stick
ing the ugly-lookicg thing through the little
square window of the ticket Office, and almost
in the agents face, and speaking in the tone
that left no doubt Of his determination, said
Stranger, thar's that ticket; take it your
self and change It, or by Cd I'll blow it
clean through you
The ticket was changed immediately, and
without any more worda from the agent, and
the mountaineer walked away, saying, II jest
thought could induce him TO change his mind
aleetla-"