The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1873-05-29
NIr 0vll.alne.
THOSE CARPETS.
n horror of che Springtide.

The Utica Herald remarks that the
annual ceremony of taking up, and whipp-
ing and putting down carpets is almost
upon US It is one of the ills which fe sh
is heir to and cannot be avoided.
You 20 home some pleasant spring
day at peace with the world, and find the
baby with clean face, and get your ia
vorite pudding for dinner. Then yonr
wife tells how much younger you are
looking, and says she really hopes she
can turn that walking dress she wore last
fall, and save the expense of new suit,
and thea she asks yen If you can't help
her about taking up the CARPET. If YOU
are fool. and you generally are by that
time, you tell her of course you can, just
as well as not. Then she gets n saucer
for the tacks and stands and holds il,
while you get the claw, and get down on
your knees and begin to help her. You
feel quite economical about the first
three tacks, and take them out carefully
and put them in the saucer. Your wife
is good about holding the saucer, and be-
guiles you with an interesting story
about how your neighbours iittle boy is
not expected TO live till morning.
Then you come to the tack With a
crooked head, and you get the claw I'M
der it, and the head comes off. and as 1t
won't to do leaye the tack in the floor,
because it will tear the CARPET when it is
put down again, you 90 to work and
skin your snuckles, and get silver IN
der your nail, and tell your wife to shut
up about that everlastnlng boy, and
make up your mind that it doesn't make
any difference about that tack and So
you begin on the corner where the car
pet is doubled two or three times, and
has been nailed down with a single
nail.
You don't care continental about
saving the nail, because you find it Is not
good time to practice economy but
you do feel little hurt when both claus
es break of from the claw. and the nail
does not bulge peg. Then YOUR man
hood asserts itself, and you rise in your
might, and throw the claw at the dog,
and get hold of the carpet with both
hands, and the air is full of dust and fly
ing tacks, and there is fringe of carpet
yarn all along By the mopboard, and the
baby cries and the cat goes anywhere,
anywhere out of the world, and your
wife says you ought to be ashamed of
yourself to talk so--but that carpet
comes up.
Then you lift one side of the stove, and
your wife tries to get the carpet from
under it, but can't t, because you are stand
ing on it. So you try new hold, and
just after your back breaks the carpet
is clear. You are not through yet.
Your wife does not tell you any more
little stories, but gets your old coat and
hangs 1t on you, smothers you with the
carpet, and opens the back door and
shoves you out, and intimates that the
carpet needs whipping. When you hang
the tormenting thing across the clothes
line the wrong way, and get it righted,
and have it slide off into the mud, and
hang it up again, and get half pint of
dust and three broken tacks snapped out
of the northwest corner into your mouth
by the wind, you make some observation
which you neglected to mention while in
the house.
Then you hunt up a stick and go for
that carpet The first blow hides the
sun and all the fair face in Nature, be-
hind a cloud Of dust. and right in the
centre of that cloud. with the wind
square in your face, no matter how you
stand. you WELD that cu1gel till both
hands are blistered, and the milk of hui
ran kindness curdles in your bosom.
You can whip the carpet a longer or
shorter period. according to the size. of
your mad it doE't make any difference
to the carpet it is just as dusty and fuz-
zy and generally disagreeable after you
have whipped It two hours, as it was
when you commenced.
Then you bundle it up, with one cor
ner dragging, and stumble into the house,
and have more trouble with the stove,
ard fail to find any way to use the car
pet-streteher while you stand on the car
pet, ard fail to ind any place to stand,
off from the carpet and you get on
your knees again, while your wife holds
the saucer, and with blind confidence
hands you broken tacks, crooked tacks,
tacks with no points, tacks with no heads,
tacks with no feathers, tacks with the
biggest end at the point
Finally the carpet is down, and the ba-
by comes back, and the cat comes back,
and the dog comes back, and your wife
smiles sweetly, and says she is glad the
job is off her mind. As it is too late to
do anything else, you sit by the fire and
smoke, with the inner consciousness that
you are the meanest nan in America
The next day you hear your wife tell
friend that she is to tired she took up
and put down that great heavy carpet
yesterday.
A VITAL SUBJECT.