The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-06-21
VARIETY.

An Atlanta (Ga.) man wants the thief who
stole his well-bucket and rope to come back and
get the well, as 1t is Of no use now.
Men are like bugIes-the more brass they conI
tais the more NOISE they make and the farther
you can hear them.
If boy makes too much noise, you tell him
he mustn't be 5OisterOuS. So, when girl makes
just As much noise, you ought to tell her not to
BE- girLsterOls.
Elder OF fourteen" Where's baby, Madge -
Madge-'' In the other room, think, Emily
Elder Of fourteen-'s Go directly, and see what
she doing, and tell her she mustn't! "
\ D1sr1xcrIox-A little boy who had dropped
some eggs for which be had been sent, being
asked by his mother if he broke any, replied,
g No, didn't break any, but the shells came off
from some &C them"
The Burlington Free Press tells of an old lady
living there who had rather dissolute husband,
who fell sick and died. She attended the funeral,
and upon her return remarked that she had one
consOlatiOn. - she knew where he slept nights. -
"a Pocket Companion and Guide to Happi-
ness ~ has been invented. IL consists Of bottle
made In the semblance Of a cigar. When YOU
are On the cars or even out walking with the
pride Ot your heart, you can put the thing in
your mouth and before you have thought to ask
If smoking is Objectionable you have bitten of
the end and drink Of fine old rye has percolated
down your OsOpbagus.
PUFFED UP.-Alassachusetts will be more un-
beurably puisd up than on learning that
certain IcelandIc chronicles lately translated by
the Royal Antiquarian Society of Copenhagen
distinctly describe Its discovery, under the title OF
Ninlaud, in the year 1902, nearly five centuries
before the rest OF America was beard of. Here
after, instead of calling Massachusetts, man an
ass, it will be proper to speak of him an
NOrse.
Knows How IT IS HmsELF.-'' give and be-
queath To Mary, my wife, the sum of one hum
dred pounds year." said an old farmer. Is
that written down master?'' 4" Yes said the
lawyer; '' but she Is not so old but she may
marry again. Won't YOU make any change in
that case? Most people do cay do they?
Well, write again and say. . If my wife marry
again, / give and bequeath To her the sum of two
hundred pounds a year ThasIl do, won't it
master?' =" Why that's just doubling the sum
she would have received if she remained unmar-
RED, -, said the lawyer Z" It's generally the other
way--the legacy is diminished if the widow mar
ries afterwards" p" ''Ay but him as takes her
viii deserve it.
The hOOf Of the mule has been said by some
writers of limited information to be small and
contracted. Parker, however. says that he knows
better lie examined the hind heel of a mule of
very moderate size. and found that it extended
quite across the hard floor to the hay-mOw OppO-
site He states that being brought in contact
somewhat hastily and caTelessiy with his head, he
availed himself OF the fact as means of measure
ment- 1t seemed to possess about the weight and
dimensions Of a planet of the thIrtieth magni-
tude- It had at all events sufficient area to shut
out the light OF Heaven completely for some min
utes, and if there was any unOccupied space III
tine barn during those few minutes Of observation
not filled by the animals loot. or any apprecable
space left between himself and .. kingdom come.
ne (Parker) was not aware Of it.
Wrrtft4oT urN- f'OpN o,.l
ninety years ago there lived in the Connecticut
River Valley, two farmers. 1ne of whom was
named Hunt, and the other Clark
In the course of few years, the two farmers
were chosen deaeons of the church, and they
both adorned their profession. About the time
Of their election a grievous famine prevailed in
the valley, and the farmers generally were laying
up their corn to plant the ensuing season. A
poor man living IN the town, went 10 Deacon
Hunt, and said:
- l have come TO buy a bushel of corn Here
Is the money. Ii Is about all that can gather
The deacon told him he could not spare a
bushel for love or money. He was keeping
double the usual quantity for seed corn the next
year. and had to stint his own family. The man
urged his suit, but in vain. At last he said
= Deacon, If you do not let me have the corn,
I shall curse you
- Curse me-! - exclaimed the deacon, " how
dare you do sO?'
- Because" said the man. - the Bible saws So
- Nonsense exclaimed Deacon Hunt, - there
is no such thing in the Bible"
=. Yes there is,' replied the poor man
Well" said the deacon. - if you can find
any such text, I'll give YOU bushel of corn
They went into the house, when the man went
10 the old family Bible, turned 70 Proverbs, II:
20, and read, - lie that withholdeth corn the
people shall curse him; but blessings shall be
upon the head Of him that selleth it."
The deacon was fairly caught. - Come along
said he, " and l Will be good as my word. y
He took him 70 the corn-hOuse aud measured
out full bushel Of corn, helping the man put il
into bis bag, assisted i'm in Singing it upon his
slOulder, and, just before his departure, being
somewhat of wag, he said, with a twinkle Of
the eye, - say, neighb0r, after you have car
ried this corn home, 90 up to Deacon Clark, and
curse him out Of mother bushel.-Brattleboro
PhRHiI.