Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-11-26
Wit and HUmor.

capitol is always Dublin.
The people Of Mount Carmel, ILL.,,
expect to get their food meat for re-
pentance by converting a church into
market.
The Chinese have saying, that an
unlucky word dropped from the tongue
cannot be drawn back by a coach and
SIX horses.
THERE are $50, 900 orange trees on
the ST. Johns River, in Florida. Each
tree yields about $40 net income per.
season.
A WESTERN parson delicately began a
funeral discourse by abiding to the
fact that he had oficiated at the hang
ing of the deceased.
4 MAN having his hair cut, was asked
by the garrulous operator how he
would have it done. eff possible"
replied the man, Gin silence"
THERE is a story that an accepted
lover, in certain county in Kentucky,
lately traded off his interest and good
will in his lady love to his rival for
few Berkshire hogs. ~
The other day, as Portland black
smith was pairing horses hoof, pre-
paratory to shoeing him, he found a
by the frog.
"AH, JENNY" said sympathizing
friend to one who was just too late for
the train, ''you didn't run fast enough"
Eyes I did," said Jenny CT ran fast
enough, but l didn't start soon
enough"
PERHAPS it was not amusing to see
John, the other night, singing con-
tentedly to himself, and crumbling
bread into bowl of starch which his
wife had placed in the pantry, and say.
ing that there was nothing like bread
and milk after all.
Two little girls were comparing pro-
gress in catechism study. I have
got to original SIM" said one; Chow
far have you got 2" "Me? Oh, Tn
way beyond redemption" said the
other.
A TEXAS editor prints the following
energetic opinion: "The man who
would water petroleum and sell it,
would sneak into the palace of the
King of Kings and steal the gliding
from Tile Wigs OI duB0lS.
"WHY," asked a governess of her
little charge, edo we pray God to give
us our daily bread? Why don't we
ask for four days, or five days, or a
week 2" "We want it fresh," replied
the ingenious child.
They have had a sclopticon exhibit
ton at Lockport, ILL.,, and the Courier
says: 1.-THE last picture was a beauti-
full thing. It was called Love Among
the Roses, and resembled cross child
Graded in a crimson cabbage"
A NEW item in the fashion of ladies'
dress was accidentally introduced in
one Of the churches on Sunday. A
lady wearing an elaborate Elizabethan
ruf-black silk, lined with sky-blue
satin-wore directly under the chin
small paper, on which was marked the
price, $1.25. The unconscious wearer,
timid about setting the fashion, blush
ed at the discovery.
BOSWELL once asked johnson if.there
was 10 possible circumstance under
which suicide would be justifable.
i" No." said Johnson. ''Well," said
Boswell, suppose a man had been
guilty of fraud, and that he was GER
tain to be found out" "Why, then"
was the reply, Sin that case let him go
to some country where he is not known,
and not to the devil, where ne is well
known"
SAYS the Ohio State Journal sNot-
withstanding our fair warning, reck-
less individual brought a chapter in
rhyme on the late Beautiful Snow to
this office yesterday. After the exchange
mans Bogardus kicker and buzz saw
went through him there was lock Of
his hair left, which his friends can re-
cover by proving property and paying
for this advertisement. His hair was
red; his :pome ; wasn't
A HARTFORD bricklayerl let fall a brick
from fourth story upon the shoulder
of man passing beneath. The man
paused moment, and then, with a
voice trembling with emotion, shouted:
eli! you dropped a brick The
bricklayer, who was looking over the
edge of the scafold to see If the brick
was damaged, cheerfully answered,
Cali right, you needn't mind bringing
it up qs dtSaids
"YoU hev hearn gentlemen of the
jury" said an eloquent advocate, 'syou
hev heern the witness swar he saw the
prisoner raise the gun; you hev heern
him swar he saw the flash and heerd
the report you hev heern him swar he
saw the dog fall dead; you bev heern
him swar he dug the bullet out with
his jack-knife, and you hev seen the
bullet produced in court but wAar,
gentleman, whar, I ask you, IS the man
who saw that bullet hit that dog?
ONE of the wittiest as well as one of
the most brilliant men Pennsylvania
has produced, was the late George w.
Barton, of Philadelphia, who once oc-
cupied a seat on the bench. Trying
case before a judge who was chiefly re-
markable for obtuseness, he took occa-
sion to say that he had often seen a
great ass in judicial robes. "You
speak from experience, suppose,
was the angry retort. 'sNot at. ALL"
replied Judge Barton; 81 am speak
ing directly from observation. ''1ss