Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-03-05
Wit, HUmor and Wisdom.


A GAME of pitch and toss--A life on
the ocean wave.
J Why is a drunken man much
stronger than q sober one?7 Because
he's Titan. ee vsrnas
1T don't take as much sense to pick
lock or forge check as it does not to
do it.
A MAN that don't know emmy thing
will tell it the first time he gets
chance.
| The gardener who grated chestnut
to box-tree found it only produced
large trunks. f, H-gsa
MAN must cling to the faith that the
4 inconceivabIe is conceivable, else he
Will not seek.
MELANoHoLY suicide-A little boy, on
being threatened with whipping, hung
his head.
A lI1NNEsorA dairy produced 2z437
pounds of cheese last season with
out putting itself out of it's whey.
THE dearest object to married man
should be his wife; but it is not infre-
quently her clothes. So
A PERSON invited to a golden Wedding
| y
come this time, but Will the next. y
CoNDUcroRs who neglect to use their
punches do not do their hole duty
even if they collect all their fares
A WAITER in an icc-cream saloon
wanted more pay of the tiresome nature
of his services $50 .rs
PHILOSOPHY Of the future: Moralist
| Who knows what tomorrow will
bring forth Postiyist-The day after.
RAILROADS have now three gauges
broad gauge, a narrow gauge, and
mort gage.
OUGHT you to reckon a dogs worth
by what he will fetch, Or by what he
will bring
The man who was hungry, and tola
to bolt bis door, said he would much
rather bar it. ess sg
TIE new national flag OF China is
said to resemble an old bed-quilt with
Holsters running around the edge.
WHY is it.not good to beat children
hard and often I? Because you may
beat oft and harden.
A WESTERN editor says of neighbor
with quivering eyelid, that he 6 slut
ters IL Tie left eye :, sesfrar e,.ssf a.
A I-MT.-Those young ladies who
make up their faces do not always find
young men to make UP their minds.
TIE superfuous blossoms on fruit.
tree are meant to symbolic the large
way in which God loves to do pleasant
things. s eaf as se 9n91ws.A
AN old lady describes a genius IS
60 m ~, EnOruc, m or1p hn oon find
out, and spills vittals on his Clothes"
Twill keep children from many
snare and temptation to sin if they can
sErely feel that their parents. are their
best companions and friends.
AN unsuccessful attempt is said to
be on foot in Maryland to produce a
corner on oysters.'' In fish, now,
there might be chance for an angle.
WHAT is the difference between a
sailor and beer -drinker? One puts
his sail up, and the other puts his ale
down.
WHAT IS the use of going to see ones
the question: Whenever you call he
is sure to be engaged. a.sesesu
A BAR-RooM orator, expatiating upon
a political opponent, said that he was
mean enough to steal ashes from his
garbage box to sprinkle his
own door-steps with.
"MAMAIA, a brooklet means a little
brook, doesu't it2 and an eag1et little
eagle % Yes, my darling" Then,
ma, does an eyelet mean o little eye,
and bamlet little ham?'' t
TN Montgomery, Ala, the other day,
''four young men did get upon spree;
one took out his little jack knife, and
now there amt but three,o says q
sprlghtly reporter. s @ 8I8
A FLOATING hotel is said to be build
of the Captain of the craft will be,
sPrepare to receive boarders." 50
IF anger arise in thy breast, instant
1y seal up thy lips, and let it not go
forth for, like fire, when it wants vent,
it will suppress itself.
Two YOUNG men of Dover N. H,
went ceiling last week and caught, in
one day, 700 pounds of "snakes,n
which readily commanded twelve cents
per pound.
A WORTHY gentleman in Danbury
played euchre at a ne ighbor's house
until an hour after midnight, and beat
every game, but got skunked going
home. -fer s.agE |
PLAIN things may be cheap and hum-
BILE as one chooses, or ones purse CON-
pels, but anything like luxury must al.
ways be good. Cheap necessaries are
very respectable. Cheap fnery is low.
A LAWYER wanted a case decided in
favor of his client on account of the
absence of his with esses, and tried to
convince the jury that the wait of the
testimony was all in his favor.
Thin party Ito street urchin): Boy,
what do you suppose that dog is fol-
lowing me for? The youngster casts
a knowing look at him, and readily re-
plies: "Guess lie takes you for
bone.' frs~
A YOUNG lady at Greenville, Tenn,,
recently presented her lover with an
elaborately constructed pen-wiper, and
was astonlshed the. following Sunday
to see him enter church, wearing it as
a cravat.
"W. f. CODY, late of Nebraska
Legislature, p" desires it to be known
that he is the only proper Buffalo
Bill, !" to prevent other persons from
assuming that title and the part now
playing in Ned Buntline,s drama,
HThe Scouts of the Prairie. "
A DANBURY woman sent her boy
down street for the following articles:
A bar of soap, a piece Of music, enti-
tied S'Waiting at the Gate Love-" three
needles, n feather, bottle of hair oil,
the New York Weekly, a pound of