Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-07-19
MY DEAF WIFE AND AUNT.

Aunt Mary is coming tomorrow. Well,
forgot to mention a very annoying cir
cumstance with regard to her. She is
very deaf although she can hear my
voice, yet you will be obliged to speak
extremely loud in order to be heard. II
will be rather inconvenient, but l know
you will do everything in your power to
make her visit agreeable"
Mrs. - announced her determination
to be heard, if in her power.
i then went to John N, who loves
joke about as well as any person / know
of, and told him to be in the house at 6P.
NJ. the following evening, and felt com
paratively happy.
went to the railroad depot next even
ing with carriage, and when 1 was on
my way home with my aunt, said:
"My dear aunt, there is one rather an
noying inirmity that Anna (my wife)
has, which forgot to mention before.
She is very deaf, and although she can
hear my voice, to which she is accustom-
ed, yet you will have to speak extremely
loud in order to be heard. l am sorry
for it."
Aunt Mary, in the goodness of her
heart, protested that she rather liked
and to do so would afford her great pleas
ure.
The carriage drove upon the steps
was my wife-in the window was John
N, with face as utterly solemn as
if he had buried his relatives that fore
noon.
L am delighted to see you," shrieked
my wife, and the policemen on the op-
posite block started, and my aunt nearly
fell down the steps.
Kiss me my dear" bawled my aunt ;
and the windows shook as if with the fever
and ague. l looked at the window, John
had disappeared. Human nature could
stand it no longer. l poked my head in
to the carriage and went into strong con-
vulsions.
When l entered the parlor my wife
was helping Aunt Mary take off her hat
and cape; and there was John with his
face buried in his handkerchief.
Suddenly" Did you have II pleasant
journey ?" went off my wife like a pistol,
and John nearly jumped to his feet.
Rather dusty" was the response in a
war whoop, and the conversation contin-
ued.
The neighbors for blocks around must
have heard it; when l was in the third
story of the building heard every word.
In the course of the evening my aunt
took occasion to say to me:
How loud your wife talks !"
| told her deaf persons talked so and
that my wife being used to me was not
affected by the exertion, and that she was
getting along very nicely with her.
Presently my wife said softly:
"Alf, how very loud your aunt talks"
Yes" said l, "all deaf persons do.
You're getting along with her finely; she
hears every word you say" And rather
think she did.
Elated at their success in being under
stood, they went Mt it hammer and tongs,
till everything upon the mantel piece
clattered again, and / was seriously afraid
Of a crowd collecting in front of the house.
But the end was near. My aunt being
of an investigating turn of mind, was de-
sirous of finding out whether the exertion
of talking was injurious to my wife.
Doesn't talking so loud strain your
lungs ?" she said in an unearthly whoop,
for her voice was not SO musical as it was
when she was young.
ut is an exertion," shrieked my wife.
Then why do you do it ?" was the
answering scream.
Because-because you can't hear if /
don't" squealed my wife.
What ~ said my aunt rivaling a rail-
road whistle this time.
l began to think it time to evacuate the
premises and looking about and seeing
John gone, l stepped into the back par
lor, and there he lay fiat on his back,
with his feet at right angles and body
rolling from side to side, with his fist
poked into his ribs, and most agonized
expression of countenanee, but not utter
ing sound. l Immediately and invol-
UNFAIRLY assumed similar attitude, and
think from the relative position of our
feet and heads and our attempts to re-
strain our laughter, apoplexy must inev-
itably have ensued, if horrible groan
which John gave vent to in his endeavor
to suppress his risibility had not betrayed
our hiding place.
In rushed my wife and aunt, who by
this time comprehended the joke, and
such scolding as got then l never got
before, and hope never TO get again.
know not what the end would have
been if John in his endeavor to be re-
spectful and sympathetic, had not given
vent to such a groan and horse laugh, that
all gravity was upset and We screamed
in concert.
know it was very wrong and all that,
to tell such a falsehood, but think that
Mrs. Opie herself would have laughed il
she had seen Aunt Mary's expression
when she was informed that her hearing
was defective.