The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-10-11
VARIETY.

@A4-44-A
I.,o-ih.. English have a -lylng tlat .. there
re two thingF whereof o Frenchman never knows
.nything, nameIy-a foreign language and geo
graphy.
CEr,TfD ErzTE-TL. wife Of 4 Louisville
lawyer made hustle Of some important legal
documents and the Court had to adjourn until
-ie could 90 home and return them IA proper
-hap~.
EyoFrTroys.-A Pennsylvania preacher wlil.
holding service recently gave thanks IN a ieryent
prayer for the prosperous condition Of their crops
q excepting - Lord, the corn, which u back
ward, and the oats, which mighty thin III
spots"
DrD Non WAlr-IIook's street fun was ire
prcssible. We read Of las walking up to a pom
POus person in the Strand, and saying TO him :
-' ] beg your pardon, SIR, but may ! ask Are
You anybody in Particular But he did not
wait for the answer Of the magnifico
AssUnyc-Iloughton' Monographs -" has
tins new story Of Sydney Smith - lie was
good-natured and tolerant; but when Lord Mel
bourne, whom he had gone to see upon some
business, interlarded his conversation with much
cnrsing and swearing, he quietly remarked, Let
us assume that everybody and everything are
almned, and proceed to the subject
FRIGHTENED. - Yankee Passenger-Why ON
airth do You put blinkers ON your horses in this
benighted old country We've long given EN-
up IN America, reckon British Bus Driver
Well, III tell yer what It ~, # them ere
-lsses was only Just to catch sight of you 4
sittin' be- ind EN-, they'd be that frightened
they'd Just smash the ole blessed bus to pieces
Tur DrFEKESCE-A negro witness on a horse
trial in n New Jersey court asked to explain
the difference between 4 bOx-stall and 4 common
stall. Strengthening himself up, he pointed To
th.. square enclosure in which the Judge was
seated and said - Dat ar's what ! calls box
yIor I1f oil bngc - Gifti
took the Sheriff some time To restore order IN
that court
\ NEBRASKA CLEgCYNAN'S TRhLS.-A private
letter recently received in Boston from q minister
settled - in Nebraska contains the following
Last Sabbath | preached in the morning and
uficiated ut the Lords table with pair OF boots
On one leo of which was entirely gone hut we
had rich and blessed time did not think of
NV boots, but my wife dd. We econOmzed and
srrimped and pinched To get along during the
past year without going into debt, and have
uearly kept clear, but it has been by living IN 4
dollhouse and denying ourselves many ol the
v, ry necessaries Of life
As HARD As ASY.-At I recent trial tine conn
eI Tor the prosecution, after severely cross exaI
MN > 4 witness suddenly put on = look Of sever
;tv md exclaimed IS Now, sir, was not an
efort made To- induce you 10 tell n different
.torvys' "A different story from what | have
told dIn you mean - - That's what | mean
q, tell a different story from what l have told
you. but they couldn't - Now, then, upon
your oath 1 wish to know who these persons
are ~ s. Well YOU have tl'ied about rs hard n
any Of them No further questions-
Tins il what newspaper co rrespondent says
Il it POSSIBLE that there - n - CHRISTIAN coun-
try n 90 civilized - land, where the people do not
chew tobacco and e. squirt " the juice? And
what IS the condition Of the average American at
Vienna without any fine cut OF all men the
most miserable ne must be- The same letter
writer sIys 50 Cigars manufactured by the
government and are sold only IT stores where
nothing else is sold except postage stamps. Ana
the best cigars they have are only up 70 the
standard of our oak-lcaf cigars, our three cent
cigars This tobacco question at Vienna becomes
a serious matter. but as the American 90 drinks
..r,. comp0unded at the Exposition, too, We IN
Ter that .. Connecticut wrappers ana Havana I'LL
mos are not neglected, while II - tine-cut II
not imported for American use oar countrymen
must chew cigars
\ TrRRIELE TrlnrATloN--A remarkable c1se
If dsseptiOn successfully practIced Tor many
years by 4 smart and handsome Welsh woman,
las iust come 10 light in the English courts
EIizibetb Jones n beautiful and fascinating
lady's maid. captiyated Mr.. Melrose, rich, re
-irsd merchant became has mistress. and alter
-ome years married him. MIR Melrose was anx-
i,r,s for an heir. 80 MS wife went of ON lying
rrfu If q fortnight and came back with an IN
md blessed her during her absence Poor old
ltr hlelrose was credulOus, received the suppos-
"a be;r In his arms blessed 1t, and dying some
1,earz after left 10 him 500, 600, the income 60
me r, the mother while she remained a widow.
me widow married again. however Melrose' ;
y-lati0ns concluded 10 look into the matter. and
4 turned out that his wife had practiced gross
fraud by adopting another woman son ior the
purpose of securing good income Tor herself
The scheminc woman is safe IN India, While her
adopted son is left pcnIilcss-
OUIrr ENOUGu M,RRIED.-An incident OI cross
ing the plains IN the early days was told ny q
clever lady at the breakfast table one morning III
Frisco \ Dutchmln AMI his wife had Travelled
West and arrived At salt Lake, where they matt
Il for few weeks. The MOrmOns got around
-iIe old DutcIman and cOIxcd him 10 JOIN their
ranks. After retiring one night in their canvass
covered wagon bed. the GOOD Dutchman broke
the matter IL his better half limiting 10 her that
.tbe 1EOrnOns told him To he had better - stay
settle among dem, and take some more ViVes-
90. How many wives you tlnks you wants asked
Eqtharina The Dutchman thought - hye more
yOuId make half dozen already whereupon
the old wife got down her bOddicc, and slipping
from II what the DutchmIn called the - prest-
board. vich vas made from Wisconsin hickory, vas
yery tough she laid the hickory fierce and fast
On the old man. who shufied out OF the wagon
and fell in a ditch. The old man got up, said his
stomach It vas very cold, but his back 1t vas
&. rieI How