Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1873-10-02
Miscellaneous.

,
Pacific railway.
How to make an Indian loaf-give
him gallon Of whisky.
"Giye the Devil his due, Pat, and
where would you be?' "Alone, your
honor"
A subscriber thirty years in arrears
settled up with a Kingston paper the
other day.
To milk a kicking cow-stand off
about eight feet and yell, $50. you
darned old sllinflint.
Don't loaf about the streets and de-
pend on the Lord for your daily bread
He isn't running a bakery.
What some country newspapers ought
to do is to firmly turn their backs on
Latin and keep their rollers clean.
We have the authority of an exchange
that the papers in certain part OF the
country are ''fairly sparkling with adj
YeTtisements.
The most unpopular person in Viz
GINA is the man who demonstrated that
kerosene oil viii cure a snake bite just
as well as whisky.
A .sdastard rival" of the West, states
that the editor Of the -- Twas kicked
his scissOriDg."
A paper in Dixon, KY, complains
that the hogs scraping their backs on
the floor joists of the church put solemn
thoughts to hasty fight.
4 colpOrteur in Kansas was told that
"this ere region amt much on Bibles,
but if you want to make money bring Us
out a load OF shot-guns.
The demand for ready-made sermons
has become so great in England that
they are to be had neatly Autographed
for the small price of two shillings per
dozen.
4 dead Chicago man has had a five
ton monument erected to his memory by
his widow. and the lawyer who got her
divorce from his successor has got lien
on it.
Minnesota has more miles of railroad
than Massachusetts, the former having
1906. and the latter 1858. In 1868
Massachusetts had I ,5S2, and Minnesota
only 81 miles.
The following is a copy Of notice
displayed in a field in South London:
Ladies and gentlemen are requested
not TO steal turnips. Other persons, II
QeLecIed, VIM % pro1GciIfei1 =
A fire eating resident of Bangor, Me-,
has challenged the reporter of a local
paper for emitting his name from
social paragraph, and now has the salts
faction of seeing himself in print.
"Three towering intellects, says an
/ Atlanta paper, s'mct accidentally yester-
day on the street"-Stephens, Hill and
4 Toombs. The three intellects shook
4 hands and walked off to the depot.
Nebraska named a town Vanderbilt
/ and then wrote to the Commodore. He
replied that he didn't care a d-n, and
/ the way they changed the name of that
\ town would have made his hair stand on
/ end.
The vitality of some people is simply
astounding. There is a long-haiUed youth
at Buffalo, who has written 700 verses,
/ the refrain to which is I'm dying.
mother. dying" and withal he isn't'
dead.
Owing TO a war among the dTy-goods
| merchants at Denver, callicOes were re-
duced to two cents per yard, and every
editor, reporter and minister in the place
now wears a shirt-gaudy in some in
stances, but still a shirt.
A Georgia bride is described in one Of
the local papers as ''looking a very lily
I
evening lake-a foam-fieck, snowy, yet
sun-fiushed, crowning the ripplings of
some soft Southern sea.
sWhat is that, children:" asked a
young pastor, exhibiting 10 his Sunday
school magic lantern picture of poor
sinner clinging to a cross towering out
of stormy waves in mid-Ocean. 'tRobin-
son Crus0e" was the instant reply.
A Clay county, Kentucky, auctioneer
pulled out a revolver and announced !:
IF any man goes to frolicing around
while the sale is going on | shall inter-
rupt him in his career. Put them shot
guns over by the fence an leave EN-
thar :"
The editor Of new paper in Nebraska
begins his Introductory article with the
following sentence: The object IN view
in the establishment of this paper IS the
procuring of means wherewith to buy
bread and butter and good clothes.
, ..What'syour business ?" asked a judge
of prisoner at the bar" Well | sup
pose you might call me locksmith. :
/ when did you last work at your trade /!
Last night: when / heard a call for
the perlice, I made bolt for the front
5 door,
The library of the late Sir Frederick
Madden, recently sold in London, con-
tanned among other curiosities a collec-
. ton of q, 500 single half-penny songs
: and ballads, such as in former times
were sung about the streets by PROBES
sional ballad singers.
The local editor Of the Jacksonville
, Fla. Repu5licaH compliments the hon
Y esfy of the postmaster at that place be
al q ION or Il
, addressed to an old negro woman, was
promptly delivered TO the party fol
whom it was intended.
Eyes like diamonds, hair like yexeS
mass of golden feathers, faultless form
: and a hand which no man could look up
: on without an intense desire TO kiss, ar
2 portions of the description of young
lady who is captain of schooner tina
trades with Houston, Texas.
i Take a couple of young partridges anG
pot them down, and serve them up witt
the right kind Nv a chorus, and thel
e beat the hanr sandwich you buy on tn
y Camden and Amboy railroad S7s pc
r cent. have eat these lamentabul M
Jersey ham sandwich, and ought t.
know.
q AS an illustration of the widespread
use of a certain popular title, it is relai
= ed that a gentleman recently stepped IL
/ to saloon in Denver, and cried out !
D a loud CHEEKY tone, ''Helloi come, Fro
n fessor, take drink. Six men slttin
= in the saloon at once arose ana cam
:. forward, while bootbiack, whose stan
II was lust outside the door, and passin
ST corn doctor smilingly accepted the inv
tation, and stepped in.