The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1873-10-03
ALL SORTS.

MARY, go into the sitting room,
and tell me how the thermometer
stands" Mary, after investigating:
'It stands on the maDtle-piece, jest
again the wall, memw
Be very careful of your promises,
and just in your performances, and
remember it is better to do, and n not
promise, than to promise and not
perform.
A Nebraska man on his dying bed
remarked that his wife was smoking
some hams, and he said: "Now, Hen
rietta, don't go shifting around and
forget them hams.
''To rent; house, located imme-
diately alongside a fine plum garden,
from which an abundant supply may
be stolen during the season. Rent,
low, and the greater part taken in
plums."
A Quaker having sold fne-look-
ing but blind horse, asked the pur-
chaser: "Well, my friend, dost thou
see any fault with him?" No" was
the answer. ''Neither will he see
any fault with thee" said old broad
brim.
An exchange says: "The Nebras-
ka Indians are allowed to ride free
on all trains they can jump on while
the latter are in motion. The tribe
is being reduced very rapidly. This
is, by all odds, the most effective
and economical system of dead
heading on record"
A German divine who has been
decorated with a title sent to the
university request that the same
degree might be conferred upon his
horse, to which he received the re-
ply that there was no precedent for
bestowing the honor upon a horse,
though the university had. in one
case give it to an ass.
Tho first duty of the Grangers, it
is suggested, should be to extin-
guish every orator who begins with:
al have not the good fortune to be
farmer, but l have always felt the
most profound interest in the truly |
noble and predominant pursuit of |
agriculture, and never was that in
terest greater than now"
A Hartford four-year. old saw his
parents preparing for church, and |
asked them to take him with them. |
He was told that he was too little |
and must wait till he should grow |
bigger. "Well," returned he, "you'd |
better take me now, for when / get |
bigger l may not want to CO." They |
saw the point; he was taken.
The reputation of members of the
for sobriety, seems to be
rather bad in Kentucky. Two of |
them were rather noisily drunk on a |
railroad train the other day, and |
when the conductor demonstrated, |
one of them pompously asked; go
you know, sir, that 1 am a member
of the Legislature?" The conduct
or quietly replied, "You have got the
symptoms"
An old farmer, up to all methods
of making good. bargain, was very
i'll and friends were expecting an
early demise. His nephew and man
hired for the occasion had Just butch
cred steer that had been fattened;
and when the job was completed the
nephew entered the sick room, where
| few friends were assembled, when,
20 the asto1ishment of all, the old
gentleman opened his eyes, and turn
ng his head slightly, said, in a full
7oice, drawing out the words:
"What have you been doing?-'
"Killing the steer" was the reply.
"What did you do with the hideP' !
"Lett it in the barn; going to sell /
t, -and-by."
"Let the boys drag it around the
ard a couple Of times; it will make 3
t weigh heavier" :
And the good old man was gath
red unto his fathers. :
A Keokuk lady, while engaged in a
er domestic duties, encountered a
house in the flour barrel. Now most s.
ldies under similar circumstances |
'ould have uttered a few feminine 3
nrieks and then sought safety in the I
arret. But this one possesses more %
ian the ordinary degree of feminine v
'urage. She summoned the hired Of
an and told him to get the shot SO
IN, call the bull dog, and station 4
Imself at a convenient distance. y
han she climbed up stairs and com /
enced to punch the -four barrel VIC 81,
,ously with pole. Presently the A
ouse made its appearance and start 9e
across the floor. The dog at once Pr
ent in pursuit. The man fired and n
e dog dropped dead. The lady I
inted and fell down stairs, and the fin
red man, thinking she was killed, n
d fearing he would be arrested for
lrder, disappeared and has not been !.
en- since. The mouse escaped. kHs