The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-05-29
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

few are chosen.
-AWestern paper speaks of duel between
two 'jackasperated individuals"
When may ship at sea be said not to be
on water7 When she's on fire.
= The last thing seen by many people who
have come to violent deaths was Kerosene.
A merchant wonders why he is obliged
to 60 so often after money that is coming to
him.
- It takes two boys to 20 to school new-pss
days-one to study and the other to curry the
books. -. ~ 5Ros - 2 - a2''','
Some one has defined "policy" to "coR-
sist in serving Gcd in such manner as not to
offend Satan"
!77;Life, like war, is q series of mistakes;
and he is the best who wins the most splendid
victories by the retrieval Of mistakes.
- England is celebrated for its fogs, France
for its frogs, Ireland for its b6gs, Canada for
its dogs, Maine for its logs, and Ohio for its,
hogs. ---,..---,.. .-----
An English female witness promptly de-
fined courtship to be "looking at each other,
taking hold of each others hands, and all that
kind Of things" sisn
- A Toledo barber has had his head broken
because he neglected to part a young mans
hair behind. Such thoughtlessness deserves
the severest rebuke. -
- Twelve Indians were hung in a row in
Texas, recently, for driving of surreptitious
beef After having their faces washed, eleven
were found to be white men.
= 1t is useless for phys.cia to argue against
short-sleeved dresses. The constitution of the
United States says that "the right to bear
arms" shall not be interftred with.
Quinine, mustered baths, and rubbing has
cured nine out of every ten cases of cerebro-
spinal meningitis in Kansas neighborhood,
where there have been two hundred people
down with it. ---
- In science, read, by preference, the newest
books; in literature, the Oldest. The classic,
literature is always modern. New books revive
and decorate old ideas; old books suggest and
invigorate new ideas.
7-"Pretty bad under foot to-day" said one
citizen to another, as they met in the street.
eyes, but it's fine overhead" responded the
other. "frue enough" said the first, ''but then
very few are going that way"
- A revolving signal light has been invented,
to be attached TO the rear of trains, by which
engineers behind can tell by the speed of their
rotations, as shown by the succession of differ
ent colored lights, at what rate the trains are
moving, and when they are at rest.
- Chicago wants the next Worlds Fair.
In the first place it isn't certain that the next
world will have fair, and in the second place
the people who would be likely to attend it
might prefer a mere pious town in which to
celebrate, iJa. T,i sglsi-ss "a s.si;i
- cat what rate that girls tongue Is go
ingp said lady, looking complacently at her
daughter, who was discussing some subject of
apparent interest with a handsome young cler-
gyman. eyes," replied satirical neighbor,
"her tongue is going at thecurate.
- "Why don't you wash the bottom of your
feet John?" asked grandmother of boy
when he was performing the operation before
retiring for the night; to which he gravely
replied: "Why, granny, you don't think Pm
going to stand up in the bed, do you 2"
= An eminent physician says: "Never enter
a sick ro)m in state of perspiration, as the
moment you become cool your pores absorb.
Do not approach contagious diseases with an
empty stomach, nor sit between the sick and
the fire. because the heat attracts the thin
vapors." ,,...s,s
- There is a negro man in Marshall County,
KY, who is ITO years old, as proven by bill
of sale found among his old masters papers.
Like all old darkies he has seen Geo. Washing
ton many times, acted as Gen. Jacksons body
servant, walks 12 miles day splits one hun
dred rails a day, has never employed doctor,
and wants to get married.
- A good trade is always comforting CON-
panion to travel with, q something that man
can fall back upon in time of need, and yet it
does not preclude him from entering upon some
profession, if his inclinations or genius de-
reiope the proper capacity. In fact, our most
successful business men in almost every capac-
ity are from the workshops and farms.
/ .r- A Frenchman has discovered that the
difference between an idiot and genius /.
merely matter of phosphorus in the brain, and
that the introduction of little phosphorus
into The brain Of the former will transform him
into the latter How to introduce the phos-
phorus, quite the most important point, is not
made clear = W.
= Charcoal is a. valuable internal palliative
feeling the stomach and bowels, Taken i'll
doses Of n tablespoonful, night and morning, it
is, an almost 7unfailing corrective of costive
habit. Mixed with softeping poultices, it is
cleansing, soothing and healing to foul sores.
All occasional dose of the powder produces Il
favorable improvement in sallow or tawny
complexioDs. =; '8
- The women are shopping now. Nothing
but the top.knot of the average clerk is visible
above the towering counter, except when he
goes up for another piece of goods, and it's
interesting to study the emotions that are to
work within by the wrinkles of the scalp.
All no one can really understand the mighty
thoughts that surge through their brain as
they are asked if they haven't got something
alittle lighter" '"t
"A villain arraigned for highway robbery
put in plea that he merely borrowed tho
money from his accuser. Borrowed the
moneyw exclaimed the district attorney;
BORROWED the money! How did you induce
him to lend it to yon?" "Well, tried moral
suasion m at fist, but finally had to knock him
down and hold pistol to his car" This reply
prejudiced the jury against the prisoner.
"A Vermont lawyer, in arguing case one
day before the late Judge Mattocks, who, with
the opposing counsel, had sat up over game
of whist the preceding evening, CHANGED to
assert of his antagonist, 1.-The gentleman has
trumpcd his own trick by the citation" The
knowing ones were not little amused at the
tone of assumed severity with which the judge