Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1873-05-16
PEN SI0fferS.


PEN SpGEferS.
Babes in the wood--Dolls.
A corn extractor-A crow.
The controllers r-general-Cupid.
A Maiden speech" Ask papa
Woman's mission-Submission
A waterspout-A tcetotal Grafton.
smart thing-A mustard plaster.
A serious tun-Twisting ones neck.
The best color for ftces--Water oolors.
Matchless misery-IIavng cigar and
nothing to light it with.
The new dictionary will define delirium
tremcns as n tight fit.
An early spring-Jumping ont of bed Mt 5
o'clock in the morning.
"You don't do that again." rs the pig said
to the boy that cut his tail of.
Back-pay conuudrum-What will he do
with it? Better give it up)
Every day should be distinguished by mt
least one particular act of love.
Liberty must be mighty thing; for by it
God Furnishes and rewards nations
Great is bankruptcy, says Carlyle; it brings
an end to all shams under the sun.
Why is nature Ikea baby? Because there's
generally Il squall when its face is washed.
One of our bachelor friends supposcs la-
dy's brida-day is that on which she takes the
rein.
A French doctor has announced the dis
covery ola safeguard against hydrophobia.
1t is n ladder.
Did the man who plowcd the seas, and af-
forwards planted his foot upon native soil,
ever harvest his crops9
Sincerity is the indispensable ground of all
conscienciousness, and, by consequence, of
all heartfelt religion.
What cord is that which is full of knots,
which no one can unite, and in which no one
can tie another? A cord of wood.
Mr.. Tennyson is respectfully requested to
inform the world if he knows whether Dolly
V. Arden was Il sister of Enoch.
A large part of modern religion consists in
Overestimating the apostles, aud undcreSti-
mating our neighbors.
Every mans life lies within the present;
for the past is spent and done with and the
future is uncertain.
Have patience awhile, ISLANDERS are not
long lived. Truth is the child of Time; ere
long she shall appear to vindicato thee.
1t is with sincere affection or friendship rs
with ghosts and apparitons,-a thing tina.
everybody talks of, and scarce any hath seen.
An exchange tantalizes its readers with
this atrocity Have you heard the man who
got shot? Got shot? No; how did be get
shot lie bought them.
Real sorrow is almost us difficult to dscoy-
er as real poverty. An instructive delcacy
hides the ways of the one aud the wounds of
the other.
am not myself mt all today, said - bore
to wit. No matter, was tho reply; whocv-
er else you may be, you're gamer by the
change.
There's one Kind of n ship | always steer
clear of, said an old-bachclor sea-captain,
and that's courtship; cause on that ship
there's always two mates and no captain.
It turns out that it is the female musketo
that mnks all the noise, docs all the singing,
and occasions the deplorable amount of pro-
family wasted on those insects.
Chicago real estate operator to his wife
DO you love me, dear? She Lots. Kiss. ]
Do you love me? lie: Corner lots. [Sever-
al kisses
Ofall the various ways of having ones way,
a long series of observations convinces rs
that the ill-tempercd way is the swiltest and
most eilectual.
Teach not parents mother to extract
The embryo juices of an egg by suction;
That good old lady can the feat enact
Quite irrespective of your kind instruction.
No man is born into the world whose
work is not born with him; there is always
work and tools TO work withal for these who
will; and blessed arc the heavy hands ol
toll.
A little fellow, who had just commenced
reading the papers, asked his father if the
word "lIon.," prelixed to the name of Mr.
p, member of Congress, meant " hon
est?r
~ II SplllJ lntctiHb tllc OlhCl Hlsuti Bcl
tleman requested the medium to ask wha
amusoments were most popular in the spirit
world. The reply was, Reading of obituary
notices.
Mark Twain, in speaking of cannbalism
growsserlous for once, and solemny declare:
that, for his own part, he would rather 60
hungry for two days than eat an old personal
friend.
" Amt OH going TO send that boy Of your
to school, Bill?n BW. 80. will |! lie wen
one day, and when he came home he told m,
1t was reprons'be to get drunk Think II
have p'rental feelins outraged, and all thI
sweet and oily union of 'ome Election broker
bychaps teachin' of him sich as that?"
Thirty years ago Il young man entered tho
city New York in an almost ponniless con
dition and without single acquaintance II
the great wilderness Of houses. To-day hi
name is known wherever humanity breathes
It IS spoken in every city and is rs lamilia
to the worker in the mines us to his brothe
in the mills, and wherever language is know
and ideas expressed the name of this penni
less, unknown and uncouth lad of thirt
years ago, is uttered. 1t was John Smith.
Here rs how an auctioneer's dialect is Civ
en- in Scrope, or the Lost Library in Ol
md NeiO. lIalf-a-dollar, haliadollarlado
Observation-Disclosures bid now, Civ
morefye want il! IIalf-a-dollar live-eightl
-quarters-Th Three-quarters I'm bid-wi
you say dollar for this standard work octal
vo best edition harf morocker eXtryP Three
quarters I'm bid three-quarters will ye Civ
any more? Three-quarters, three-qnartth'
quartthee-q Observation-Disclosures on
dollar shall have"
John said he used to write for the paper
once, and meeting m editor one day, the &C
itor said that he would like something iron