The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-12-11
THE TROUBLE IN THE ARK.

candidate Tor once. ,.s . Ct. .-.
THE TROUBLE IN THE ARK.
In the autumn of 1880 I attended protrac:
ted meeting in the interior of Georgia, and
heard sermon which have never been able
to forget or describe. have attempted several
times to write it. But it cannot be put on
rsper. The main ferce of it was in the smut
hng and splitting and, groaning and hound
after-a-fox sort ofsyelp aud whine, to which no
pen can do justice.
The preacher had just been licensed, and it
was his first sermon. In person he was small,
bullet-headed, of fair, sandy complexion, and
his countenance was indicative of sincerity and
honesty. His remarks evinced great reverence
for the works of God as manifested in zoology
and natural history, and he "was taking up the
bible in regular order for the first time In his
life." He had gotten as far as the history OF
Noah the ark, the food, etc. Besides, Just
before his conversion he had been reading
Goldsrnith's Animated Mater and the two
together, by the aid and assistance of the spirit
had led him into powerful frame of thinking
ssS he stood at his work bench day in and day
ont" But whatever his sermon may have
been, it was his own. The text was: GAS it
was in the days of Noah, SO shall the Son OF
man be-" After commenting upon that por-
ton of Genesis descriptive of the food, he
a:warmed up" suddenly, and broke out in the
following strains:
tsYes, nv brethren, the heavens of the win
doWs was opened-ah, and the floods of the
great deep kivered the waters ah, and there
was Shem, and there was Ham, and there was
Japheth-ah, all guine into the arl-ah.
aAnd there was the elephant-ah, that
great animal-ah, Of which Goldsmith de-
scribes in his Animated Nater-ah,' what is as
big as horse-ah, and his bones as big as
sree-ah, depending somewhat on the size OF the
tree-ah, all a-guine into the ark-ah. And
and the floods of the great deep kivered the
waters-ah, and there was Shem, and there was
Ham, and there was Japheth-ah, ALL a-guine
into the ark-ah.
@sAnd there was the hippopotamus-ah, that
great animal-ah, Of which Goldsmith de-
scribes in his Animated Mater what has a
great horn a-stickin' right straight up out
ef his forward-ah, six feet long, more or lessah,
depending somewhat on the length of lt-ab,
ALL a-guine into the ark-ah.
"And there was the girafe-ah, my bretherin'
that iH-contriyed reptile of which Goldsmith
describes in his Animated Nater-ah' whose
fore legs is twenty-five feet long-ah, more or
less.ah, depending somewhat on the length of
em-ah, and neck so long he can eat hay off
the top Of barn-ah, depending somewhat on
the hithe. OF the barn-ah, ALL a-guine into the
ark-ah. And the heavens and window was
epsned-ah, and the floods of the great deep
k:vered the waters-ah there was Shem, and
there was Ham, and Japheth, ALL aguine into
the ark-ah.
sAnd there was the zebra, my brethren-ah,
the beautiful animal of which Goldsmith de-
seribes In his Animated Nater-ah' which has
three hundred stripes o runnin' right round
his body-ah, moresor less, depending somewhat
on the number Of stripes-ah; and nary two
stripes alike-ah, all s-guine into the ark-ah.
sAnd there was the anaconder-ah, that great
sarpint of which Goldsmith describes in his
Animated Nater.ah,' what can swallow six
oxens at meal.ah, provided his appetite didn't
call for less-ah, all a-guine into the ark-ah.
And the heavens Of the windows was opened
ah, and the floods of the great deep kivered
the. waters-ah, and there was Shem, and there
was Ham, and there was Japheth-ah, all aguine
into the ark-ah.
Sand there was the lion, my brethren-ah,
what is the king of beasts accordn' to scripter-
ah, and who, as St. Paul says-ah, prowls around
of night like roarin devi-ah, seekiu' if
he can't catch somebody.ah, all guine into
the ark-ah.
"And there was the antelope, my brethren,
that frisky little critter-ah, of which Goldsmith
describes in his Animated Nater-ah, what can
Jump seventy-fye feet straight up-ah, and
twice chat distance down-ah, provided his legs
will take him that fur-ah, all guine into the
ark-ah. And the heavens of the windows was
opened-ah, and the floods of the great deep
kivered the waters-ah, and there was Shem, and
there was Ham, and there was Japheth-ah, all
o aguine into the ark-ah.''
just at this point he stopped speaking few
moments, wiped his forehead, turned back his
wristbands, ran his fingers through his hair,
spit and rubbed his boot in it, drank a little
water, commenced on q lower key, and pro-
,eeeded as follows:
But time would fail me my brethren to
describe all the animals that went into the
ark-ah. Your patience and my strength
would give out before I got half through-ah
We talk my brethren of the faith of Abraham
and the patience of Job-ah, but it strikes me
they didn't 60 much ahead of old Noer-ah. II
tuck right smart chance o. both to gether up
all that gopher wood and pitch and other truck
for to build that craft-ah. I am sort of car.
penter myself and have some idee of the lob.
oh. But to hammer, and saw, and maui. and
split away on that one thing hundred and
twenty years-ah, and lookin' for his pay in
another world-ah-I tell you my brethren il
the Lord had sot Job at that, it's my opinion
he would tuck his wife's advice inside of fifty
years-ah. Besides, no doubt his righteous
soul was vexed every day, hand runnin' with
the filthy communications of the blasphemous
set that was always loaferin' and saunterin
around-ah, pickin' up his tools and mis-
placin' 'em, and a calm him an old fool OF
sonaethin' worse-ah; and to cap the Climax he
EFas EF;as a preacher, and had that ongodly ginera.
Lord Seo55js big hands eve every suad{ay:ah. But the
ali; and when 5e SEED MIN through the JOB,
send Noer out to haaHs1Rg was ssd ready S ne aldn