Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1873-08-13
Natural and Unnatural AristOkrats.
NATUR furnishes all the noblemen we

NATUR furnishes all the noblemen we
hav.
She holds the patient
Pedigree haz no more to do in making
a man aktually greater than he IL, than
pekok's feather in his hat haZ in making
him aktually taller.
Thiz il hard plIakt for sum tew learn
The mundane earth IL thik with male
and femail ones, who think they are CRATE,
bekause their ancestor wuz lucky IN the
sope or tobacco trade, and altho the sOpe
haz run out sum time since, they try tew
phool themselves and other folks with the
Suds.
Sope suds liz prekarious bubble.
Thare amt nothing SO thin on the ribs
az a sope suds aristokrat.
When the world stands in need of an
aristokrat, natur pitches one into it, and
furnishes him papers without emmy flaw
in them.
Aristokrasy kant be transmitted, natur
sez so. in the papers
Titles are plan got UP bi humans tew
assist natur in promulgating aristokrasy-
Titles amt Nv emmy more real use or
necessity than dog collars are.
[ hav seen dog collars that kOst three
dollars on dogs that want worth, in emmy
market, over 871a cents
This liz CRATE waste ov collar, and a
CRATE damage tew the dog.
Natur don't put but one ingredient into
her kind oV aristokrasy, and that liz viz
lew.
She vets up the virtew sumtimes with
a little pepper sass, just to make it lively
She sez that all other kinds are false,
and beleave natur.
[ wish every man and woman on earth
IL IL
teW
Earthly manufactured aristokrats are
| made principally out Nv mummy.
| Forty years ago it took about IS thou
sand dollars tew make good sized aristo-
| KRAFT, and innokulate hiz family with the
same disseaze, but it takes now about 600
| thousand tew throw the partys into fits.
Aristokrasy, like all other breed stuffs,
| haz riz.
It don't take emmy more virtew tew
make an aristokrat now, nor clothes, than
| it did in the daze ov Abraham
Virtew don't vary.
Virtew IL the standard ov values.
Clothes amt.
| Tiles amt.
A man kan 60 barefoot, and be virtew-
ous and be an aristokrat.
Diogoneze waz an aristokrat.
/ 81 LIZ UIOWu SIOue 1IOuG WdL d GuU, duu IL
want on end at that.
| Virtew will often make yure granddady
CRATE and yu mean, hi komparison.
| Next tew virtew in getting up a helthy
aristokrat Gums genius"
| Theze are called brane aristokrats
luv tew watch the worldly aristokrats,
| they set me tew laffing-i laf tew see how
| jelous they are ov each other.
This liz one ov the best ways that haz
bin discovered yet tew pick out the bogus
| aristokrats. 5
Natur's aristokrats amt jelous ov each
other emmy more than pure Christians
are. ~
An American aristokrat liz the most
ridikilus thing in market. They are gen.
orally ashamed ov their ancestors, and, if
they hav emmy, and liv long enuff, they
generally hav cauze tew be ashamed ov
their posterity.
| kno ov sevral familys in Amerika who
are rieing tew liv on their aristokrasY
The money and branes Civ out some time
ago.
1t liz hard SCRATCHING for them.
Yu kan warm up cold potatoze and liv
on them, but yu kant warm up aristokrat-
TX pride and git even a smell.
Yu mite az well undertake tew raze
krop ov korn in deserted brik yard by
manuring the ground heavy with tan
bark.-N. 7. II eelsly.