The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-01-31
scIssoRrNes.

WnaJ Is 10 Der w N.Y. NeFo.
A waiting race-The next gene
ration.
A book of reference-the pocket
book.
A large room-room for improve
ments.
Gentle and simple-The bait and
The fish.
Man is a mister but woman is a
mystery.
A theatrical prescription-A change
Of scene.
Men who are apt to promise easily
forget.
Can man think freely and not
be freethinker?
If you wish to take things cool,
take sleigh ride.
Your best thoghts are written out
of your own life.
Compulsory education is not very
successful on mules.
The ''salted jewel fields" of Ari-
zona was scurvy trick.
An Irish juror proposes to make
suicide capital offense.
The favorite song of the Siamese
twins-"we were boys together"
When is the weather most like a
crockery shop? When it is muggy.
A married man having no mind of
his own. his wife kindly gave him a
piece of hers.
A cat in Terre Haute attends the
ericus. She is evidently in quest OF
the acrobats.
The money that man makes by
midnight labor goes to defray his
funeral expenses.
An exchange says that the ''books
il the running brooks" were probably
volumes of water.
s'No man should run when he may
walk, walk when he may stand. stand
when he may lie down"
No man ever got stung by hornets
who kept away from where they
were. 1t is just SO with bad habits.
Time is money" says the adage.
There are host of millionaires in
this city very seedy and badly out at
elbows.
As the sun appears largest when it
Is about to set, so does the proud
man swell magni6cently just before
his fall.
A boy of fourteen to his sister
go Madge, into the other room,
and see what baby is doing, and tell
her she must not. !"
A western paper puts it gently by
saying that ''fifty-four persons took
up their residence in the cemetery of
Lafayette last week.
The schoolboy who was whipped by
the mistress and then required to
kiss her, declared it capital punish
ment.
A mother, asked her husband for
change, he proposed to her to stay at
home and take care of the children.
as change enough.
"How did you spell metempsy-
Ghosts the other day at SCHOOL," asked
a father of his child. II was SPELL
bound, - replied he'youngster.
A man having package of segars
under his arm, answered an en-
quirer that they were tickets to
course of lectures to be delivered by
his wife.
4 faithful brother in a Fairfield,
Connecticut, church recently prayed
for the absent members "who were
prostrated on beds of sickness and
chairs of wellness."
s'Ihe Irish freize overcoats," says
an advertisement. "WelI," says
Funnibey, 'there's no accounting
for taste, or some peoples grammar;
but ace fries fish and aoears oyercoats. 3"
Providence mercifully compen-
safes the blind or deaf by qpickening
the faculties they possess. Thus
the blind are known TO have wonder
tul acute hearing. No doubt this may
account for Sabbatarians so often
closing their eyes in church?
It was Charles Lamb who perpe-
trated the joke, that our forefathers
were to be pitied, who lived before
the time of candlelight, because
when they cracked a joke after dark,
they had to feel about for smile,
and handle their neighbors' cheeks to
be sure that they understood it?
Definitions (not according to the
dictionary: Deputation-A noun of
multitude which signifies many but
does not signify much. 1farridge-
Harness for a pair. Musician-A
man who plays when he works, and
and works when he plays. Water-
A clean fluid, once used as drink.
"Mary, my DEAR" said another
husband to the lady that owEed him,
''if ever I turn Mormon and marry
another helpmate she shall be q
Mary, too, for your own dear sake" I"
''Be content with Mary, my duck. :"
said the loving wife, ''in my opinion
another would be "a super new mary !"
A little girl was sent to the pas
ture to drive home the COW. While
thus engaged she treated herself to
climbing an unnecessary fence, from
which she fell and was severely
scratched and bruised. On return
ing home she was asked if she cried
when she fell. ''Why, no." she re-
piled; ''what would have been the
use? There was nobody to hear mer
Some of the oldest sayings of
children arise from the attempt to
reduce the unknown to some cate
gerry of the known, or to fit familiar
terms to unfamiliar objects. A little