The Rutland daily globe. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1873-1877, 1873-06-14
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DANBURY BEDSTEAD.
The Expense Attendant Upon Cord
ing II Up.

DANBURY BEDSTEAD.
The Expense Attendant Upon Cord
ing II UP.
1t is little singular why your wifes
mother will persist in sleeping on a cord
bedstead. But she does. You don't think
so much oflhis until you are called upon to
put it up, which event generally takes place
in the evening. The bedstead has been
cleaned ir the afternoon, and having been
soaked through with hot water, is now ready
for putting up. Your wife holds the lamp
and takes charge of the conversation. The
rope has been under water several times in
the course of the cleaning, and having
swollen to diameter greater than the holes
in the rails, has also got fit of coiling up
into mysterious and very intricate forms.
You at first wonder at this, but pretty soon
wonder ceases to be a virtue, and you then
scold. The thread which has been wound
around the end er me rope 10 racilltate its
introduction In the holes has come off, and
you have 10 roll it up again. Then, after
you have pulled it through eight holes, your
wife makes the discovery that you have
started wrong. The way that rope comes
out of those holes again makes your wife
get closer to the door. Then you try again,
and get it tangled in your legs. By this
time you notice that this is the sma Hest bed
room in the house, and you call the atten-
ton your wife to the fact by observing
"Why on earth don't you open the door?
Do you want to smother me?" She opens
the door and you start again, and she helps
you with the lamp. First she puts it on the
wrong side of the rail, then she moves
it so the heat comes up from the chimney
and scorchcs your nose. Just as you need
if the most, you lose sight of it entirely,
and turning around, find her examining the
wall to see how that man has put on the
whitewash. This excites you, and brings
out tie Precipitation in greater profusion,
and you declare you will kick the bedstead
out of doors if she doesn't come around with
that light. Then she comes around. FL
nally the cord is all laid right, and you pro-
coed to execute the very delicate job of
tightening it. The lower ropes are first
walked over This is done by stepping on
the first one and sinking it down, hanging
by the head Hoard with the clutch of death.
Then you step with the other foot on the
next line, spring that down, lose your bal
ance, grab for the head board, miss it, and
come down in heap. This is repeated
more or less times across the length Of the
bed the only variety being the new places
you bruise. The top cords are frightened in
another way, and you now proceed to that
spreads you some, and as you do il the
frghtful thought strikes you that if one of
those feet should slip over nothing on earth
could prevent you from being split through
the coin. Then you pull up the first rope
until your eyes seems to be upon the point
of rolling out from their sockets and the
/ blood in your veins groans, aud on being
| convinced that you can't pull it any further
without Gripping yourself for life, you catch
hold of the next rope and draw that up and
grunt. Then you move along to the next,
and pull that up, and grunt again. just as
you have got to the middle and commence
to think that you are about through, even if
your joints will never again set as they did
before, you some way or other miss the con-
nection, and you find that you have got TO
go back and do it all over. Here you pause
for a few minutes of oracuar refreshment,
and then slowly and carefully work your
way back. You don't jump down and walk
back, because you are afraid to spread out
in that way again. You sort of waddle back,
working the way inch by inch, and with
consummate patience. A man thus stretched
across a bedstead never becomes so excited
as to lose his presence of mind. 1t would
be instant death to him if he did. Then he
goes over il again, waddling and pulling,
grooming and grunting, while his wife moves
around with the lamp and tells him to take
it easy, and not scratch the bedstead any
more than he can help; and that she can't
tell which creaks the most, he or the bed
stead. And after be gets through she has
the audacity to ask him to bring in the feath-
or beds. In the dead of night that man will
steal up to that room and look at that bed
stead and swear.