Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-01-29
Odds and Ends.

Odds and Ends.
a lean conscience makes u fat office
\ leading articlc-a blind man
dos.
Clergymcn, like braksmcn, do
great deal of coupling.
"A western paper calls Sergean'
Bates the '~'International idiot"
Queen Victoria presented the King
Of Spain with q gold spittoon,
Why is an infant like a diamond
because it is o dear littlething.
A music teacher was tried in tho
SCALES" and found wanting.
~ Wisconsin paper advertises for
sale IN coy that gives milk five years
old"
A FACr.-M Many a man, after ma.
King a .bargain" in silk, has fouAd
that lie has got worsted.
The Pcrsians say of noisy, unrea.
sonablc talk. II hear the sound Of the
m%illstonc, but | ace no meal"
Josh Billings thinks that next tc
tie giZzard the heart is the toughest
piece OF flesh in the whole %critter.
An Indiana woman laments that
Ter husband had 10 better sense than
- 10 take the best sheet to hang himself
AChicsgo dry goods dealer adver.
tiscs the "most alarming sacrifice
since the days OF Abraham and Isaac
A thrifty housewife thinks that
mel ought to be useful-thcy might
rs we'll be smoking hams is smoain.
cigars.
Tom, who did YOU say our fricnt
Brown married! Z" "Well, he ma
rici ouc hundred thousand dollars;
forgot the other name"
4 Yankee has invented a paten
birds nest TO keep the fcatiered song
s.ers.from spending their winters il
the south.
The vein ofcoa! recently discovered
Hear Council Bluffs is almost worth
less, it has So much gold and silve.
linked with it.
St. Louis is rather proud ola Young
man who stole the Bibles from ,hrc, !
CHURCHES and sold them to get |
Christmas bonnet for his poor Of,
mother.
The people of Maplewood, Kansas,
keep colored children out OF lheil
schools without resorting TO severe
measures. They simply burn the
school houses.
Ola misery man who died of soft
ching Of the brain, q local paper said;
Ills head gave away, but his han
never did. His brain %softcned, but
lis heart couldn't.
Il don't mean to reflect OIL YOU |
taid a coarse, wOuld-bc wit to u ma
whom he had insulted. "No, wa |
the reply" "You are not polishe,
enough to reflect OF anybody"
The reason an urchin gave for be-
ing late at school was, the hoy in tn,
1eXt house was goingt to have dress
ing down with n he'd cord and he
wanted to hear him howl.
There was once an independent old
lady who, speaking of Adams nam. |
ing all the animals, said she didn't
think he deserved any credit for nam
in" the pig: any one would know
what to call him.
Several ministers were recently
speaking OF a clerical brother, when
II Of them alluded to his habit of
smoking. lie said that he smoked all
the time. '!l>oes he chew - inquired
another. "No, he can't get time"
was the reply.
81 sa:, Pompoy" said II negro to
another, .'dis chile has tried lots oh
gift fairs and t'ings fur n prize, hu,
ncbber could draw anything at all"
well, Jim, I'd wise you thy a hand
cart; dc chapccs are Il thousand to
one dat you could draw dat"
"Do you like to go TO church p
said a lady to Mrs. Darlington. claw
me! / o,hreplied Mrs. p. ..No.lIins
does me so much good Us to get up
early on Sunday morning, aud to 90
church and hear q populous minister
dispense with the Gospel
THE NEsTCRES Or SKY.--A
young lady said she should like to 90
up in a balloon. She wished so much
to get above the clouds and look
down. 1t must be so pretty. She
had heard that even the darkest cloud
had O silver lining.
The cold snap moves the Bloom
ington P~antagraph to give this adj
vice: "Narry a warm-EcaTtcd girl
whether cold weather affects Won or
not. Warm-hcartcd girls arc cum-
Portable even in warm weather, and
In cold weather they are an absolute
necessity TO a mans comfort.
A charitable lady sent Que Of her
last years dresses to Il destitute wo-t
man the other day. She was some
what surprised TO have it returned
with the statement that it WAS too
null behind for the present styIe, and
would h take n breadth out and
change the trimming.
The champion vict,m Of i'll luck is
n ornament 10 society In Buffalo.
He lost an arm III the late war /; has
since had q leg broken by n fall liz
remaining hand "chawed up" I'm q
threshing machine, one eye but out
by running against a fence rail. mud
half his ribs cavcd in by a kicking
mule.
"Why don't you wheel the barrow
Of coal along more lively, Ned?" asked
coal-dealer of his hired man; ..it's
not q very hard job-therc is an in-
clined plane to relieve YOU" CAY,
MASTER" quoth the man whe had
more relish for wit than work, ''thc
plane may be inclined, but hang me
I'll am"
There are really a large number of
persons in this country who would
be panied beyond measure by hearing
that their children had associated,
even for o few hours, with the chill
dren of o tradesman but VIC are
bound to add that, as a genera | rule,
such persons arc found. to be the
descendants Of tradesmen.
An ont West man is so bow-legged
that hiS tailor Is obliged to use a cir