The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1873-05-30

N'f"@
Putting up a stove is not so difficult in
Itself 1t is the pip that raises four-ffths
OF the mischief and all the dust. You
may take down a stove with all the care
in the world, and have your wife put
away the pipe in secure place, and yet
that pipe won't come together again as it
was before. You find this out when you
are standing ON a chair with your arms
full Of pipe and your mouth full of SCOT.
Your wife is standing on the floor in a
position that enables her to see you, the
pipe and the chair, and here she gives
utterance to those remarks that are cal
culated TO hasten man into the extremes
Of insanity. Her dress is pinned over
her waist and her hands rest on her hips.
She has got one Of your hats on her head,
your linen coat on her back, and a pair
of your rubbers on her feet. There is
about five cents worth Of pot black on
her nose, and lot Of -four on her chin,
and altogether she is a spectacle that
would inspire dead man with disgust
And while you are up there trying to
circumvent the awful contrariness of the
pipe, and telling that you know some
fool has been mixing it, she stands safely
on the floor and bombards you with such
domestic notices as: whats the use
of swearing sol" "You know no one
has touched that pipe" "You amt got
any more patience than child" "Do
be careful Of that chair" And then she
goes off and reappears with an srmful of
more pipe, and before you are aware of
it she has got that pipe so horribly mix
ed up that it does seem no two pieces are
alike.
You join the ends, and work them to
and fro, and to and fro again, and then
you take them apart and look at them.
Then you spread one out and jam the
other together, and mount them once
more. But it is no go. You begin to
think the pieces are inspired with life,
and ache to kick them through the win
dow. But she doesn't lose her patience.
She goes around with that awfully exas-
perating ringing on, with a length of
pipe under each arm, and long-handled
broom in her hand, and says she don't
see how it is some people never have any
trouble putting up a stove. Then you
miss the hammer.-Yo don't see it any
where. You stare into the pipe, along
the mantel, and down on the floor. Your
wife watches you and is finally thought
full enough to inquire what you are look
ing after, and on learing, pulls the arti-
Gle from her pocket. Then you feel as
if you could 60 outdoors and swear a
hole twelve feet square through block
of brick buildings, but she merely OBJ
serves; "Why on earth don't you speak
when yon want anything, and not stare
around like dummy" When the part
of the pipe which goes through the wall
is up, she keeps it up with her broom,
while you are making the connection,
and stares at it with an intensity that is
entirely unealled for. All the while your
position is becoming mere and more in
teresting. The pipe don't go together,
Of course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes and mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face aud tickles your chin as
it drops off, and it seems as if your arms
are slowly, but surely, drawing out Of
their sockets.
Here your wife comes TO the rescue by
inquiring if you are going to be all day
doing nothing, and if you think her
arms are made of cast-iron, and tLen the
broom slips of the pipe, and in her en-
deavor to recover her hold she jabs you
under the chin with the handle, and the
pipe comes down on your head with its
load of fried SCOT, and then the chair
tips forward enough to discharge your
feet, and you come down on the wrong
end of that chair with a force that would
bankrupt a pile-driyer. You don't touch
that stove again. You leave your wife
examining the chair and bemoaning its
injuries, and 90 into the kitchen and wash
your skinned and bleeding hands with
yellow soap. Then you go down street
after man TO do the business, and your
wife goes over to the neighbOrs with her
chair, tells them about il injuries, and
drains the neighborhoOd dry of its SYM