Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1873-05-22

time.
Brevity IL the child Of silence,
and IL a CRATE credit to the ole man.
-o4--1s--<..s--s.- ----
A Danbury Mau Helps His Wife
In Putting up the Stove.
Putting up a stove is not so diff.
cult IN itself. 1t. is. the. pipe that
raises four-f.Hths of the Eischief and
all the dust. You may take down Q
stove with all the care in the world,
and have your wife put away the
pipe in secure place, and yet that
pipe won't come together again as it
was before. You find this out when
you are standing on chair with your
arms full of pipe and your mouth
full of SCOT. Your wife is standing
on the floor in position that enables
her to see you, the pipe, and the chair,
and here she gives utterance to those
remarks that are calculated to hasten
man into the extremes Of insanity.
Her dress is pinned over her waist,
and her hands rest on her hips. She
has got one of your hats on her head, =,
and your linen coat on her back, and
pair of your rubbers on her feet.
There is about FIVE cents worth of
pot black on her nose, and lot of
-four on her chin, and altogether she
is spectacle thatwou1dinspire dead
man with distrust. And while you
are up'there trying to circumventthe
awful contrariness of the pipe, and
telling that you know some fool has
been mixing it, she stands safely On
the floor, and bombards you with such
domestic mettoes. as: What's the
use of swearing SOP" :.:You know
no one has touched that pipe" "You
amt got any more patience than a
child" "Do be careful of that chair. "
And then she goes of, and reappears
with an ardful of more pipe, and be-
fore you are aware Of it, she has got
that pipe so horribly. mixed up that it
does seem no two pieces are alike.
:. You join the ends, aud work them
to and fro, and to and fro again, and
then you take them apart and look
at them. Then you spread one out
and jam the other together, and mount
them once more. But it is no 60.
You begin to think the pieces are in
spired with life, and ache to kick
them through the window. But she
doesn't lose her patience. She goes
around with that awfully exasperat-
ing rigging on, with a length of pipe
under each arm, and a long-handled
broom in her hands, and says she
don't see how it is some people never
have any trouble putting up stove.
Then you miss the hammer. You
don't see it anywhere. You stare in.
to the pipe, along the mantel, and
down on the stove and off to the floor.
Your wife watches you, and is finally
thoughtful enough to inquire what
you are looking after, arc N learn
ing, pulls the article from her pocket.
Then you feel as if you could go out
doors and g wear a hole through. a
block of brick buildings, but she
merely observes: why on earth
don't you speak when you want any
thing, and not stare around like q
dummy" When that part of the
pipe which goes through the wall is
up, she keeps it up with her broom,
while you are making the connection,
and stares at it with an intensity thai
is entirely uncalled for. All the while
your position is becoming more and
more interesting. The pipe don't 60
together, of course. The SCOT shakes
down into your eyes and mouth, the
sweat rolls down your face and tickles
your chin as it drops off, and it seems
as if your arms are slowly but sure y
drawing out of their sockets.
Here your wife comes to the rescue
by inquiring if you are going to be
all day doing nothing, and if you.
think her arms are made of cast iron,
and then the broom slips off the pipe,
and in her endeavor to recover her
hold she jobs you under tile chin with
the handle, and the pipe comes down
on your head with its load of fried
SCOT, and then, the chairitilts forward
enough to discharge your feet, and
you come down on the wrong end Of
that chair with force that would
bankrupt pile driver. You don't
touch that stove again. You leave
your wife examining the chair and
oemoanin: its injuries, and go into
the kitchen anl wash your skinned
and bleeding hands with yellow soap.
Fhen you go down the street alter a
man to do the business, and your
wife-goes Over to the ~ueigghbers vi L
her chair, aud tells them about its
Injuries, and drains the neighborhood
dry Of its sympathy long before you
ret home D0n5UrY Nc1US.