The Rock Island daily Argus. [volume] (Rock Island, Ill.) 1872-1873, 1873-08-30
De Mortuis MT

The disappointment and humiliation
supposed, somewhat jocularly, 10 be- the
sensations OF that public character who,
through mistaken report OF his death,
has opportunity ~ read the world post
norton opinion Of his merits in the news.
papers, are really challenged but rarely in
the premature or other obituary tribute Oi
the period. On the contrary, the average
subject Of such final tribute is 50 s0ttened
and, as it were, endeared 10 critical con
temptation by the ordeal of the grave that
all consciousness is lost in an instinct Of
generosity, and his virtues are magnhed
and faults condoned Thus the respect
able parsonage who, by false mortuary
rumor, is enabled TO read or hear his
obituary in advance of its time can seldom
find much therein to cost him either hum
ility or chagrin There certainly are
exceptional instances, however, of rather
hard-hearted honesty of expression con
corning the lately departed, even though the
latter maetactions may have been only
Of the mildest description, aud his other
wise harmless traits conceded. In such
cases-aud, To the credit Of human nature
be il said, they are rare-the criticised
individual who survives his suppositious
death % become aware Of the criticism
may possibly discover something therein
t. hurt his vanity grievOusly, ii not to
instruct him In the way Of averting such
uniiltterlng commentary when his time
actually comes, In Memphis, according b.
the lrdtdHcht OF that city. IA gentleman
whose gravest errors are chiefly those of a
too sentimental temperament, has. bv a
combination OF circumstances erruupously
supposed o. be fatal, experienced the
mourntul privilege Of hearing exactly how
disparagingly his most intimate associates
would discourse OF him around his tomb,
and Is said b. be quite low spirited in con
sequence. An apothecary, Just past the
agile slenderness and airy chucklehood OF
youth, With much forehead, retreatng
slightly in the Mansard style, and ford
hair assuming poetic tangles over cranial
spaces otherwise sterile, this gentleman
has signalized his social career at select
cIerkly boarding house on Monroe steet BY
contracting hopeless passions for ladies
patrOniZing the mansion from time to time.
and becoming morbdly suicidal at perceiy-
ing that hi, devotion was deemed too hu
mOrous for serious consideration As with
the Youngest Gentleman in the Tudeers
establishment Of Martin Chuzzewit. all |
the other masculine boarlers in his home /
have been his rOcks-ahead In life, continually |
deprcciating his intellectual superiority /
waxing intolerably comic over his succe.
sive martyrdoms 10 the tender emotion. and
teigning heartless incredulity Of his occa-
sionally ayowed disposition IN coerce sllace
from the silent tomb. This. too, when
twice within year his doleful proaps IN
the dead Of night have called all the other
occupants OF the mansion to his desolate
uatchelor-chamber 10 find him moaniughi.
hie away uader bInotul drugs because" She
had witheringIy snubbed him and apply
hasty doctors and stOmachpuups for The
preservation Of his blighted existence ~,
long ago, however, this too gentle kuiyE,
OF the mortar aud pcytlc appeared a,
some Christian sympathy from hs- ana
derislye fellow bOarders IN hiS usually
ing cIptlyation by gorv~ oyerwhelni-
lately added n tho ~ -jus young lady
The exquisite So .tsts OF the house
which he pass .Iness Of manner with
his new ct ID the bash and hsh-halls t.
obser- .auncr at the table was no sooner
D. ed by the other gentlemen than the
..6er evinccd commendable disposition 70
favor the pathetic romance and give the
hero their utmost countenaHcC. To him
was relinquishcd, by immediate tacit CON
sent the euviable privilege OF showing the
fair epicure all those graceful little utteu
tons which the familiar associations OF the
h0spitablc board permit, aud, more than
this, several Of the friendly fellows took
private occasions to assure him that lac
was making an impression at last, and hat
their strongest good wishes for speedy mat
rimonial success. Thus exhilarated un
wontedly by the approval and supper
of his own sex, tie owner Of the high tore
head proceeded boldly 10 his hilbert
futile professional tactics Of plying the be
loved object with choice bottles Of per
iumery cakes Of dainty tOilet-soap, pack
ages OF sanitary bon. bons, aud other PROP
tiatory offerings from his business stock
and finally rendered costly toothbrush
and his hand together tor her acceptance
one night last week, in the parlor, whel
the remainder of the company hal eOusid
orately dropped off to other rooms. y
his unspeakable wretchsdness she wOul'
receive but one of the articles offered, an
that the toothbrush. She said that sh
had always wanted an imported brush, tn
American kind being either too harsh o
not hard enough, and that she should'al
ways be happy 60 recognize In the gener
Gus giver an apothecary OF the finest feel
lngs. Matrimonially speaking, however
she could never love a druggist. n
matter how mature his years, thong
she might DO prevailed upon 10 r,
caro- MN ultimately as u respected unel