Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-10-24
Il UMOR.

UMOR.
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That irrepressible poet is still at it. He
says "There is many love in the land
my love. but never such love as this is -
Then kill me dead with love, my love,
And cover me up With kisses II We hope
his love will kill him Dead 1T would be
much more satisfactory to us than if she had
killed him alive but instead of covering
him up with kisses, she will if she is een-
sible girl, cover him with about six feet OF
earth and gravel SO that be cannot get out
to write any more such killing stuff. A
man "killed dead" and covered with moth
ing but kisses, would be apt to be removed
by the Board of Health in less than two
weeks s@@ y @@A
A Detroit man recently forwarded the
following letter to- the insurance company
in which his wife'a life was insured "Dear
sir take my pen in hand to let you know
that am well, but that my dear wife, in
sured for $4,000 in your company. is no
more. She died to-day Her policy is No.
-. can truly say that she was a fond
wife and a good mother. [ have the doc
tors certificate, SO that there will be no
trouble about the policy. She was only
sick short time, but suffered much. DO
vow give check in advance or must wait
sixty days for the money Yours, &c.
A Sunday. school teacher was explaining
the omnipresence Of the Deity to his scholars,
and ended by telling them that He was
eyerywere Whereupor -headed boy
asked :ass'Is He in my pocket = The
teacher replied that the question w rather
profape but he would answer X Is, He Was
everywhere, !" sPve got you there, " said the
boy Il a'n't got no pocket" 81.
If "A Breton peasant OF his way to Paris
stopped at barbar' shop in Rambouilet-
While the barber was strappiug his Tszor,
the peasant noticed a dog sitting in bis chair
end staring athim 6ercely What is The
matter with that dog % The barber answer
ed, with an unconcerned air, 'Tnas dog is
always there You see when [ cut of an
ssr-weH he eats it" ssg4
The ..Courier j Journal" thinks it mu~t be
very gratifying to the descendants Of Homer
that the recent discover y OF Dr. Schiller
mann on the site of ancient Troy 90 to
show that the old man WAS not the cousum-
mate liar that most people believe him to ave
been"
II don't see anything the matter With
this plum pudding" said a 'elllw at a
thanksgiving dinner well, VII" said
there was ?" growied out bis neighbnr. =
"Why." said the first, II CONCLUDED there
was. as YOU all seem to be running itdnwn ~
W A clergyman recently asked girl con
corning her intended, rs he in his r.u-
versation, and carriage consistent Chris
tian ~ She replied, In his c,uversat' he
is very pious. but never saw m his CT
risge."Ia a-;sao-t a.e1 asa
A young lady in Indiana sough' 70 de-
molish an unfaithful lover by publishing
some verses addressed to him in viii h, al
ter prepesying her immediate dias lusioo.
she said Come gaze upon ms DIST t'l-e
one." But the compositor spelled dust
with q "b." rs5 #oI .'e7
F9' A Kalamazoo man withdres his deposit
Of 81 1000 from bank, and VAS pal j..
single bill. He travelled al lay tribe to
get that bill changed. .hnd sat up all night,
armed with doubled barr, led shat gun.
Watching his treasure. ss
At hotel table one boarder tcmark ] TO
his neighbor ''This mutt be healthy
place for chickens. Z "Why?' asked the
other. because I never see any. dead
ones hereabouts. ;" ga #@0
The indianapolis folks are being delight
ed BY mammoth painting Of the Prodigal
Son. They believe he used to live in In
dianapolis, and that'he has cone homo to
stay. r. ~
Husband, who had been out West on bus
mess, and left his wife some blank checks
a-ssMary, find you have consd rably
oyerdrawn at the bank" "Mary-"Non.
sense, John. how can that be Eve two Of
those blank checks left yet f@t.
Among the fummery afoat concerning
John Howard Payne, it is stated that he
never had home He had as good home
a. any need to have, but he chose to live
elsewhere .1sao@ .gi# o575f5ggV
A pensioner Of the Second Connecticut
Artillery drew 1852 pension money week
ago, and being distrustful Of savings banks,
deposited it 10 a faro bank Inside of three
hours. ba3 saifii s'tHia9s! ~ s'.5i
) A reporter Of Louisville paper recently
found q pocket book filled with money, and
Immediately handed it over to the police, as
the money was counterfeit.
9 Do not run in debt TO the shoemaker 1t
il unpleasant to be unable to say your. sole
isyour OWE. ne
The most satisfactory man to deal with is
. tobsoconist You can always get quid
pro quo from him, aeei.'' .4a
Whens,a4 voyager makes his way to the
top Of the Pyramids, We presume he is en-.
joying the benefits Of foreign climb
When the sntesprising butchers assis.
ant set up on his own hook did he find
. comfor table seat?
The difference between school boy and
. clerk boy is, that one stores the mind and
the other minds tho store.
There is nothing so effective in bringing
man up to the scratch as healthy high
spirited flea. IS. ...-s..
"A Wheeling woman shot her husband be-
cause he wouldn't 60 blaokberrying. He
was ready for burying after that
p Why is it profitable to keep fowls Be-
cause for every grain they give peek.
Why is grain of sand in the eye like a