The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-08-29
TICKLEGRAPHS.

California has no "last rose {
summer" they bloom till fall.
"a The pace of New Orleans fune,
a ais averages twelve miles an hou
t. They are experimenting wit
" female street car conductors i
Savannah, Ga.
y The telegraph reports a MAJ
!. riage on board a Western train
It was a railroad-tie.
# "Stump-tailed monopolist"
e the chaste epithet that a Chicag
: editor sings at rival.
"Love," says an amorous writer
5 sis an internal transport. y Tn
: same might be said of canal boat
: Curious-Jingle is the name ap
!. piled by the Louisville Ledger t.
f its contemporary, the Courier
3 Journal.
ga cackling old newspaper fool,
. is the epithet applied by one Sac
: ramento editor to another in a re
cent argument.
They are having very exciting
times at Rye Beach, and the Rye
has good deal more to do with il
, than the Beach.
Buz, who has read in a morning
paper that Brown will row Biglin
for $4,000 a side, wants to know
how many sides Biglin has.
/ A Kentucky editor speaks of q
local genius who has been a per-
severing contributor to the office
waste basket for several years.
Notwithstanding all they say
against it, there is not an editor
in the State who would refuse to
accept shack pay''-from subscrib-
ers.
The girls in Springfield, Mass,
factory are supplied by the propri-
etors with chewing gum, IN order
that they may not waste time IN
talking.
The retiring editor of the Ida
County, Iowa, Pioneer wrote his
valedictory in two words, "Good
night" His successors salutato-
ry consisted of "Good morning."
Herald.
A merchant who has class in
Sunday-school, asked, "What is
solitude?" and was visibly dis
turbed when a miserable boy an
swered: "The store that don't
advertise"
"Were you guarded in your con-
duct while in New York;" asked
father of his son, who had just re-
turned from visit to that city.
"Yes, sir; part of the time by two
policemen"
The title of a religious article
on " Mirth as a Means of Grace"
is perverted by a rural compositor
into Mirth as Means of Grease"
He was doubtless thinking of the
prOverb, Laugh and grow fat"
To see how eagerly a human be-
ing will catch at a straw, it is not
necessary to witness a drowning.
The phenomenon is now manifest
chiefly within saloons, where one
end of the straw is immersed in a
tumbler:
A Western editor, anxious to do
justice to the description of GRO
quet party he attended, longs for
''pen plucked by the queen of
fairies from the brightest and most
gorgeously tinted tuft of the bird
of Paradise, and dipped in golden
ink"
The editor of the Richmond
Enquirer acknowledges a call from
the editor of the Caucasian, and
says he eliminates his Office with
the lightning of his countenance."
1t is supposed to have been a
Western imitation of Jersey light
ming.
Here's a chance for the girls.
A Pottsville patient advertises:
"Fair Offer-To the Public-I have
too many boys, and no girls. Two
boys came to my house this week.
They are twins. I will swap one
or both of them for girl.
W. H. q.
When a country editor is ex-
hausted for news, he puts in a par
agraph telling how some beautiful
ladies have called on him and
cheered his toilsome path with
sweet flowers. Then his contem-
poraries revile him, and he an
swers back, and business becomes
brisk again. Thus are our Gree
Ieys and Raymonds trained.
The Tycoon knows how to start
a newspaper. He does not offer
big beets, nor prize squashes, nor
oroide jewelry as premiums for
subscribers. Having taken an in
terest in the publication of a news
paper at the Japanese capital, he
has issued an order that all men of
certain social and political circles
shall take it or be beheaded.
A man about fifty years of age,
accompanied by q wife who looked
still elder, applied for tickets to
Jackson. When told the price he
| demurred, and after withdrawing
for a consultation he returned to
the window and asked: "Well,
won't you knock off a dollar if the
old woman will ride on the plat
formr'-Detroit Free Press.
Miss Frances Willard is the first
woman professor of the woman's
college of the Northwestern Uni
versity at Evanston, Illinois, one
of the rules of which is that at
least one of the faculty shall be a
woman. She occupies the chair of
esthetics, at a salary of 81, 800 a
year, with the assurance of an an
nual advance of 5000 for the next
two years. Five women have beeu
elected to the Board of Trustees.
/ An unco' child of Natur' writes
feelingly about a popular topic:
al could stan bein' called liar
and thief" says he, cor even to
| be told that the old man kept a
hoop-skirt factory, but when one
of them loafin' goslins comes
aroun' me sayin' as I had suthin'
to do with that ERE Betsy nor I
is Out I jest riz onto my hind
legs and combed him down.
i Daniel Webster is not the only
bright boy born in New Hamshirc.
The Boston Globe has heard of an
other-a youth residing in Dover,
who refused to take a pill. His
! crafty mother thereupon secretly
placed the pill in preserved pear,
! and gave it to him. Presently she
: asked, Is Tom, have you eaten that
nesr7'' He said, +" Yes, mother, all