, 1873-06-15


Letter to Young Gentleman OF INTEL
Iectual Tastes, Who, without Hav-
ing az YET any Particular Lady In
View, Hnd Expressed, In 4 General
Way, His Determination to Get Mara
ried.
The subject Of marriage is one, concerning
which neither I nor anybody else can have more
than an inhnitesmally small atom Of knowledge.
Each Of Us knows how his or her own marriage
has turned out; but that, in comparison with
knowledge .of marriage generally, is like
single plant in comparison with the
fora Of the globe. The utmost ex-
perience on this subject to be found in this
country extends to about three trials or expert
ments. 4 man may become twice ~idower,
and then mar1y third tins, but it may be easily
shown that the variety OF his experience is more
than counterbalanced by its incompleteness in
each instance. For the experiment to be con-
elusive even Is to the wisdom Of one decision,
it must extend over half lifetime. truo
marriage is not mere temporary arrangement,
and, although young couple are said to DO
married - soon ~ the lady has. changed her
name, the truth is, that tho real marriage is
long. e1ow intergrowth, like that Of two trees
planted quite close together in the forest.
The subject Of marriage generally is one Of
which men know less than they know Of any
other subject OF universal interest. People are
almost always wrong In their estimates OF the
marriages Of others, and the best proof how lit
tie we know the real tastes and needs OF those
with whom We have been most intimate, is our
unfailing surprise at the marriages they make
Very old and experienced people fancy they know
great deal about younger couples, but their
r. IN ho1iava
exactly hit the mark
Ever since this idea, that marriage is q sub
ject ne are al very ignorant about, had taken
root in my own mind, many little incidents
we're perpetually occurring to confirm it ; they
proved to me, on the ono hand, how often
had been mistaken about other people, and,
On the other hand, how mistaken other peo-
pie were concerning the only marriage pro-
fess to know anything abont, namely, my own.
Our ignorance is all the darker that few men
tell us the little that they know. that little being
too closely bound up with that inne1most privacy
of life which every man Of right feeling respects
| In his own case as in the case Of another. The
only instances which are laid bare to the public
view are the unhappy marriages, which are really
not marriages 1t all An unhappy alliance bears
exactly the same relation to true marriage that
disease does to health, and the qua1rels and
misery OF it are the crisis by which nature
tries to bring about either the recovery Of hap
| pineas, Or the endurable peace OF settled sep
| aration.
| All that we really know about marriage, ia that
It Is based upon the most powerful Of all our in
sticts. and that it shows its own justification in
its fruits, especially in the prolonged and watch
| fnl care Of children. But marriage Ia very COM
ple1 in itH effects, and there ia one set OF etects
resulting from it, to which remarkably little At
| tension has been paid hitherto-1 mean its Of
fects upon the intellectual life. Surely they de-
serve confederation BY al who value culture:
I believe that, for an intellectual man, only
two courses are open: either he ought to marry
some simple, dutiful woman, who will bear him
! children, and zee to the household matters, and
love him in trustful spirit, without Jealousy OF
his occupations; or else, On the other
| highly-intelligsnt LADY,, able to carry
| her education far beyond school experiences,
| and willing to become his companion In the A.
duous paths Of intellectual labor. The danger
In the first OF the TWO cases l8 that pointed ont
! BY Wordsworth, IN some verses ADDRESSED 70
| 1ake-tonrists who might; feel inclined TO buy
PEASANTS cottage N Hestmoieland. Inc touriat
| would spoil the httle romantic spot ne bought
| poetry OF = SIMPLE me ana would De brushed
away by the influence OF the things that arc nee
essary to people IN the middle olses; lremem-
ber dining IN country Inn with an Eng
| iah officer, whose ldeas we're 6lngularly un-
conventional We we're waited upon by our
hosts daughter, beautiful g1rl whose manners
we're remarkable for their natural elegance and
distinction It seemed to ns both that no Mdy
| OF rank could be more dlst1ngushed than She
was; and my companion said that he thought a
gentleman might DO worse than ask that g1El to
marty him, and settle down quietly m that noun
tain village, far from the cares and van1tles OF
ths world. That ls sort OF dream Wmch has
occurred, no doubt, to many an honorable man.
Some men have gone 20 far as to tzy to make ne
dream = reahty, ana nave mafI1eu ne 9eaatnul
peasant. But the dlt1oulty 1s, tnat sne does not
remain Wnat sae was ene becomes soft
Of make-beheye lady, and then her ignorance,
which, IN her natural condition, Wa
charming naivete. becomes a. irritating 6 aeiect
Il, however, 1t we're possible TOT an intenecsnai
man 70 NARY some amp!e-neat:eo @ pesaanEgrl' 1:g'
4nu Aeep ner ~ ngs r. uiSMa. un.,15 H.
3 se1aoGy pe49se Ley ,34 1 .H6 4h eea.o Tu4 70
lees peauous " s ns;1;e. suan ~ a@nee VIZ
nUnD incsnahia - ~ U ha nmranfa hnt
rore ~ ,;sa1I t nl' t1, 4
n1ca had con1srsa+;on az th;a sh;act eth a
5;st;nen;ahs5 % .rt;st Tho u ;a now ziJ"uer and
| Wbo r. earta;niv not };,te}T to ha nTaindiced I