The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-07-16

He's wishing twas su.thin Russ.
a wicked man il Davenport,
being on his th-bed, wished to
consult some proper person regard
| ing his future state, and his friends
sent FIRE insurance agent 70 him.
ssI'm not in mourning" said 4
young lady, frankly, to q young
querist, abut as the widows areget-
ting all the offers nowadays, we
poor girls have to resort to arti-
fce.' IA.
The Prussian veteran, Gen. Won
Moltke, who is almost as bald as
|Aeschylus or julius Caesar, Is
much annoyed BY applications;
from Teuton ladies, for locks Of
his hair.
A contemporary asserts that
"half the married woma in the
world wonder who their husbands
will marry next" The .other half
more senslbly worder whom they
will marry next.
A Memphis jury, having con.
victed man of murder, now finds
that the supposed murdered man is
living. The question is, whether
the verdict shall be rescinded, or
the man allowed to murder his
victim.
In the late editorial convention
in North Carolina, Captain William
Biggs gave in his experience as
follows: He had been several years
conducting a newspaper. most of
which had been spent in raising
the means of doing it.
a country editor has answered
the question !: "What is the use of
dogs?" He says wait until a man
hangs round your Office for four
days, reading exchanges and profer-
ing good advice, and then you'll
know what a dog is good for.
A youth and a maiden were
dancing the lancers. In the course
of the inane conversation which
the dance necessitates, he took to
questioning her as to her accom-
pIishments. s'Do you psint2" he
asked. He wonders what on earth
she got mad about.
Owing to the careless changing
of two labels by a Peoria clerk, an
old lady in that city has been swal-
lowing rheumatism liniment three
times day, and an old gentleman
has rubbed himself with blue pills
until he has become perfect ther-
mometer. Both are happy.
A quaint old gentleman, of an
active, stirring disposition, had a
man who was at work in his garden
who was quite the reverse. Jones'
said he, did you ever see snail p
Certainly. said Jones. Then
said the old man, you must have
met him, for you could never have
overtaken him. j
"In Pesth, the other day, a
youthful prodigy repeated the
Lords Prayer in twenty-five Ian
guages." We know a newspaper
man who can "criticise" in fourteen
languages, and speak them all at
once. But an editor does, well
who can repeat the Lords Prayer
IN one language.
"Is Pat Flaming on board this
ship?" roared Nelson, during a lull
in the firing at the battle of the
Nile. s.I'm here, my lord," said
Erin's son. showing himself on the
deck. "Then,'' said the gallant
Nelson, looking satisfied, ''''let the
battle proceed" That story is
Pats.
A young man in a suburban
town sent off his first postal card
on Thursday morning. After wri-
ting message on the back, he in
closed it in an envelope, clapped
on a thsee-cent stamp, and dropped.
it into the post-ofice, remarking
that it was g very handy arrange
ment, and should have been intro
duced years ago.
An exchange says an economical
lady in Oberlin, Ohio, recently en-
gagged an old man, who had a wife
and six children to support, to dig
and fix her acre garden. The old
man worked about week, and on
asking for his pay the 'aady" hand
ed him a bundle which she said
contained q valuable waterfall
which he could sell. He took the
'sfxin" to "a hair-dresser, and found
to his chagrin that it was not worth
a quarter, being an old jute con-
Germ which had done long service.
He declined to 60 back to the lady,
as he said: 'tor she might poison
him for the purpose Of stealing his
'old boots.'