Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1873-03-28
WIT AND UU,IOR.

From the Danhury News.
Flies are holding rchearsals
\ Pittsburg man has invented a new
tombstone. 1t is Of iron cast in the right
| shape, with grooves, or rests, Of marble tab
lets. They can be manufactured at price
that will give the poorest of us two or three
changes Of tombstones apiece.
The man who wrote to the state board
Of agriculture to ascertain what was best to
plant in wet land was iavorably impressed
by the answer. 1t was - Leeks.'
Friday was St. Valetine Day \ naked
! cupid, with skewered heart above his head,
is layorite slaughter house design. \ few
vegetables thrown in add to the effect.
Anahsent minded Danbury lady. on Mon
day, tied bed-quit she had just washed, in
a rocker in front Of the stove, and pinned
her baby to the clothes-line
The Rev. Mr. Hubbard. of the Baptist
church, gave his congregation pretty good
setting down. Sunday. Everybody but the
writer got hit. 1t was an excellent sermon.
and one of the most vigorous and pointed ot
any ever preached here.
It takes years of careful training TO con-
vince a boy who Is taken sick on saturday.
that there Is not screw loose somewhere III
the universe
An Essex street boy made very hand
some snow man about seven feet high, sat
urlav. and robed it with his mothers sixty
| dollar Paisley shawl He Is saddest when he
sits
Somebody of a statistical turn Of mind is
troubled to account for the great surplus of
| births over deaths in l,72. We suppose the
reason Is because it Is cheaper. for a man can
be born for much less than he can be buried.
And a fenuv saved Is a penny earned
, Da,,l.,,-,- ,-,,,r,., ,r,,, f., the orlor or
d.. ,,.,-;.',, ,..,;,.l =, ,.te-isb ono ,f orr
-; -, H., .,,,, NH s,,r,iye
s., - - ',,-..-,..,+
ne ingenuity oi woman Is Oelo GNU Il"
,arthly comprchensioh- y H1h"url Ian9
becoming 'Ied "l p'theIinS WIN "Oou' "'
| >olSut her husband u Set coal SIo'S anu
ue'o'e tHe re5' oI 'heIr me 10 'iii' iu', 'u'
ne ""uluh 90 H. lie saIu "oou NaN D''eHl
er' ana ne '' wei pe .'hoI ping IL anu
saving the money having tAua s'eu He'
! eioqnenee without any eHee'' 9he mt upon
| very simple dellee. Hhe eH'enueu ne'
clothes me over III, ehopplng oioCA' A'teT
supper ne ,-u'FLet hiilSell Win Ms az anu
went 'ut !or luei' ana I'VE Iiinu'e9 iH'e'
came tearing INTO the mouse Wl.nout M la''
ana Win ms. moulin NaIl Iuii oi "lYol' i'''e'
ated gums ana broken teeth. \ DrlSiit ana
cheeriul co~ii iire now Illuminate tia' nome;
fu'llhs Il hoop on tne Iallly Hour pirIe-
j. an o. olera'ioh that Will haruly Dear an an en-
core Inc woman generally atteM pi' IL ne
lore the man comes home TO dinner Hhe
tst,. ~ 5elibe-,teS ain, with tbc roIIinr-nin
and t1.r, sI,tt;r,- I,tb o,-es Lr;-,.,s H.. min
down with all the force of one arm. while
the other instructiyely shields her face
lhen she makes a dive Tor the camphor ana
unhleached muslin, and when the ma. Genes
nome she Is sitting back of the stove, think
in5 1l ~ stephen anu '9e o'ner ma ~
~ ''-''' 'i'o AN H.
9'IuE''li- il'iYt'''i.S ioI 'ne MASTERY ~.
m .,.,' iiIi mp nv Hou'i -.
rel i,nseiC and rrts tbe boor, Nv, ', Vow, 90 re
fnlir and adinstl II 50 nicelr IN tbe tor or
eys;,' .t,re tb3t ,rlz ., Tow .,o,rt l,ocl,s an
,,arc,,tl,- or, reeded ~ hin, il down IN
Irirb, fben be lo,-bs IN b;mselr IN Thin
what a fuss his wife kicked up over simpl e
matter that only needed little patience t."
adjust itself, and then he gets the hammer,
and letches the hoop sharp rap ON one SIDE,
and the other side flies up, and catches nm
on the bridge OF the nose, filling, his soul
with wrath and his eyes with tears, and the
next instant that barrel Is flying across the
room, accompanied by the hammer, ana an
other candidate for camphor and rag Is en-
rolled in the great army that is increasingly
marching toward the grave.
The crop Of maple sugar promises to be
/ large enough to please the most misant lropic
worm that ever occupied boy,
n..l...-.- l.. To-. ,,l .e teo,-
il,';,' 'l''''. ny c"n - I,9t
IL lii5 win s'o1Alli9 l'i, iI VI I sil'e ,te
- G'''' '4s'' ''' ever -" '''' ''''' ''''
d" M
\ Danoury young man out oi employ r
ment and health desires to act as suhsttut
| Tor some penSioner OF the war OF Iol-- NO
| objections To gong to the country
There was fight between Danbury and
Norvalk roosters in this place, Friday. The
/ pain every good citizen must feel over such
/ a brutal display is somewhat mcdified by the
| fact that our rooster licked
-
i"e "''9' SHooHe" nan We N''o ="