Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-03-21
HUMOR

very SITlcC lu Tegaiu u VIC cniI iT1u = CA'
bath department. was con6dent'aly inform
ed by one of the tile girls that she ''would
like to be miristsr."
"Why ?'inouired the visitor, rather PM
zled to under t,nd what bad given the child
so sudden an admiration for that calling
The visitor was quickly enlightened BY
the prompt reply:
$50 that I could boiler CD Sunday p
The Louisville .Couri, Journal tells
story of parson who sent bis hat round for
colection-It came back empty. Takine
it in his band, be beat it on the crowu ex
claiming, Il think God that have 90
my hat back from this congregation
A Chicago paper states that lady archi.
tect OF that city is amassing fortune. She
draws pl ms for houses, which coDtain from
FIVE t, twenty ri ,sets on each floor. which
at once commends her to the female head o.
the family.
''What is the use Of trying TO be honest
asked young man the other day of his
friend. "Oh. you ought to try it once aud
see" was the reply. AMI the young mar
wanted to put head on his pIain.spokep
friend.
A nan has been consigned to the peni
Tertiary for stealing pin Thi- looks +
be a little hard upon the pnor e How unti
you come to know that it was diamoue
attached to the pin which sent him up th
spout.
One Of the strongest reasons we eve
heard why married man should get bis liz
insured il. that the money would prove
great hell to his wie's second husband, ar.
might be the means Of starting him in hu
ness.
A pleasant lii lie reunion was quite up
set. recel tlv, by one OF the children askin
in painfully audible tine. Mother VIII
did you tell me not to say any thug abon
Mr. Jenkin nose He hasn't got any
A few weeks since, lecturer 1T one &c
the chemical school. attached to the Uni
versity of Dus lin. asked one of the s. III, IT,
if he coul plate steel No" replied g
witty scleglan, ''but could steal plate"
''What do you think of my new sui
now p asked dandy. IL Ike this bowl q
punch" replied x. fboughtully stirring h
iced and truity sea before him. How k
that?" "Got big spoon in it 2 said x.
Josh Billings says: ave read tina
Esau sold bis bir bright for soup. and many
wondered at his extravaganza but EAU
discovered what many have found out size.
that it is hald to live o., digree -
O.e of our young bachelors. when ap
preached for not knowing what day be-
gan the L ut u fast, sadly replied that il
his boarding house there is nothing to mark
hash Wednesday from Other days.
Schoolmistress TIA dull boy john,
I'm ashamed Of you. When I was your
age. could read twice as well as you can .
Johuuy-''Yesm m, but you had different
teacher from what I've got
A lady entered drug store and asked
for bottle of james Experience The
clerk Informed her that J me hadn't bottled
her exp+ri"uce yet, but they could furnish
james Ezpectorant.
A man 10 Kansas accidentally fell into 8
bsreaved chll,ren erected a tombst me to
his memory. with brief but touching inscrip
ton, PAR boil ID"
A New Orleans editor says that nearly
every one in that city knows something OF
Latin. Most Of them have learned to pro-
nounce tdelirium trelncns and non compos
mentis."
Matches are now split by the most splen.
did machine at the rate of 60 900 minute
An exchange thinks this will be gratifying
news to persons about applying for d.
vorce.
"How did you learn that graceful att.
tude p asked gentleman of fellow Leaf.
ing in maudlin way against p,st "lve
been practiciug at the glass" was the reply.
Jimmy, do you go 10 school y eyes,
sir. to the school kept by Miss Pos. -
"Miss Post not whipping post, hope?'
80 DO, she is guide post"
What relation is loaf Of bread to steam
engine A stAam engine is sn lnvn, ton.
and bread becessitv therefore necessity
is the mother Of invention.
Said a man who tumllAd aut IF the tn I'd
story window, ''Wheu FIR 'e'l was n.
fused but when struck the paw M 1t I
knew where was.'
Upon being asked her fathers profession
Cincinnati belle said he .mba|ma1 pork.
she believed" TIE neighbors called him
an old hog packer.
1.-The crisis has come cried boy. as h.
rushed into the house. painting with excit"
ment at seeing the circus enter town, Il
want quarter
A young man found. the Other day, BY
actual measurement. that he couldn't con.
tain himself What became of the overplus
we did not learn.
A Western journal offers this inducemer t:
CAN subscril ers paying in advance will he
entitled to first class obituary notice in
case Of death"
A young man at party the other even
ing being asked if be coull play the harp.
sicord, wanted to know if it was anything
like seveu.up.
Siugularly, none Of the papers have yet
said that in these days Of bustles every wo-
man was paper carrier.
When the enters rising butchers assistant
.sset up on his own hook did he find q
comfortable seat 2"
A Wisconsin clergyman danced the round
dance The other day-rouud tree to get
away from bear.
Prentice said of an editor WHO 'smelt a rat
that if the rat smelt him the yarmint had