The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-06-18
SCRAPS.

why IS q mouse liho I" ioAo "
hay? Because the cat'll eat 1t.
When is a ship like scarfpin
When it is on the bosom of,a heavy
swell.
What is the difference between
taller and a ieweler? One watches
sells and4he other sells watches.
A Chicago post begins an aposs
trophe to the ocean with "proul
gious dampness"
"Bob, how is your sweetheart
getting along?"
"Pretty we'll, guess. She says
Ineedn't come any more
A queer Delawarean, by his wiz
divided his property among ms
children, and lett his bones to his
enemies ssto make whistles OF.
A Western editor informs cor
respondent that the words "No
cards accompanying a marriage
notice signify that the welded pair
don't play poker.
Among the conditions of sale by
an Irish auctioneer was the follow
ing: "The highest bidder to be
purchaser, unless some gentleman
bids more.'
A Milesian astounded a grocer
BY entering his store with this re-
quest: "Mister McGra, would you
ind me an empty barrel of -four to
make o hen-coop .ur me dog?"
Gent Ito party with pipe -"The
gentleman opposite objects to your
Smoking" Party with pipe-"Ye es,
some people do, but [ never take
apv notice of it" Goes on.
The editor of popular magazine
in New York declares that 100000
women. are constantly sending
poetry to him, the commonest sub:
iect treated being "Our Dead
Baby"
eff you had avoided rum" sal"
a wealthy, though not intelligent
grocer to his neighbor, s'yonr early
habits, industry, and intellectual
abilities would now have permitted
YOU to ride in your carriage"
aAnd if you had never sold rum for
me to buy replied the topper, "you
would have been my driver
A stranger. young man from
the country, after having .gazed at
the bananas at the eating house in
the Union Depot in Kansas City,
the other day, wanted to Know
what "them ERE sweet potatoes
were 'wuth,' and why so much
pains was taken to string He
couldn't see that he was wrong
when the by-standers laughed.
"Doctor," said a nervous patient.
eI had such disagreeable dreams
last night! I dreamt that my
grandfather stood by my bed for
hours shaking his cane at me-
.sWhat did you drink before you
went to bed?' "Oh, nothing but
half a bottle Of NJ ,deira !" "Well,
if you had drunk the other half,
YOU would doubtless have seen your
grandmother standing by your bed
threatening you with a broom
stick
"Mr. Speaker" exclaimed
member of the Arkansas Legisla-
ture, my colleague taunts me- with
q desire for fame. I scorn the i'm
putation, sir. Fame, sir! What is
fame? It is a shaved pig with a
CREASED tail, which slips through
the hands Of thousands. and then
is accidentally caught by some
lucky fellow that happens to hold
on to it. I let the greasedtailed
quadrured 90 by me without an eff
fort to clutch it, slr.''
A Danbury man became con-
vinced the other day that woman's
temper is very irregular. He had
been moulding some bullets, and
had neglected to cool off the ladle
in whic the lead had been melted.
While he was counting the bullets
his wife came into the room hum
ming a tender love-seng. Sudden
ly the song ceased, and the man
was made aware that something
had happened by catching an ada
cent cofee-rnill on the bridge of
his nose. The unhappy wife and
mother had taken this picturesque
mode of informing him that she
had picked up the ladle by the hot
end.
An Irishman being recently on
trial for some ofense, pleaded ''Not
guilty. and the jury being in the
box, the State Solicitor proceeded
to call Mr.. Furkisson as a witness.
With the utmost. innocence Patrick
turned his face to the Court and
said: "Do I understand, your
Honor, that Mr.. Furkisson is to be {
a witness foreninst me again |?
The Judge said dryly: cit seems
so." "Well then, your Honor" {
exclaimed Pat, Il plade guilty, an '
ua,o. ,,loco. cot booo1,co r. r