American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-05-24
The Lam.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

THE lam il juvenile sheep.
They are born about the fust ov March,
and menny ov them die just az soon az
green peas cum. - --a rec
Lam and green peas are good, but not
good for the lam.
Lsms are innOsent as shrimps, they
WON'T blight, nor skratch, nor talk sassy. =
They don't kno mulch, only to skip,
turn summersets on the grass, xix up their
heels, pla tag, plauge their mothers, and
llav phun generally.
luv the lam, even luv them after they
bekum mutton, i luv lams ov all kinds, i
had rather hav one lam than A wolfs.
This may look like oddness in me, but it
liz mi sentiments emmy how.
Mary had little lam. wish i had a
little lam, and if had good deal ov lam
it wouldn't discourage me.
When a lam gifts thru being lam, they
Immediately bekum sheep. This takes
all the sentiment out ov them. San
/ Thare amt mulch poetry in mutton.
Sheep are mutton.
Mutton is sometimes prekarious. 20 90
When yonth and innosense ov emmy
kind groze old, it loozes most all ov its
lamness.
This fakt liz too we'll known tew require
an affidavid.
The lam liz an artikle ov trade, az well
dollars, ackording tew the way things am.
1t IL strange that so mulch innosense az
the lam IL possessed ov should be for sale.
1t liz jiss so with most all the innosense
and purity in this world-it il too often
brought to the shambles.
suppOze, ifyi could hav mi way, the
lam would stop growing when he got to
be about eight weeks old; but then, cum
tew think ov- it, this would make mutton
-ErrI AhrrnNn
1t would also make lams dredful plenty
1t would also inkrease VOLTS mulch, for
hav alwus notissed since i begun biz
ness in this world that just in, proposhm
az lams got numerous, VOLTS got numer-
Gus ackordin.
The lam haz short tail. Their tails
are Mt short nasur' but short bi de
sf During their early l amkinness, in an
unsuspekting moment, and quicker than
litenmg, their dorsal elongashun liz nipt in
Not to be mistaken in this matter, and
eY pHe the repmsitiiityji4 whare it
bdongS lam's tabs arekuf Opt bi man.
Hhiek a meaI&thin9fo r man to do; but
n In u capable pH ddns drelftl mean
4ing, list bekahe heFiz bnap,
Man amt satisned tew leave ennything
in this world az he phinds it.
- lG lCIl0A A0Al tllC llttlC
package ov innoserse and buty known to
natralists.
Is A femail lam il mi pride and hope l
lQv thewhole entire con aggregation Ov them
IA The lam IL kiyvered from childhood
with a softe coating called wool, from
which cloth liz sed to be made, and also
from which yarn liz sed tew be spun.
Thare IL great deal ov yarn spun in
this world that has no wool in it; theze
yarns are called phibs. r..,. r,.t.
Phibs are not, considered feroshus.- A
phib is lie painted in water kullers.
Thare haz been more phibs in market
since the formashun ov man than thare
haZ been truth.
Phibs are often ingenius, sometimes
quite pretty, but are alwuz dangerous.
Phibs are sumtimes a CRATE deal more
plauzable than TRUTH q
Look ont for them.
Pllbbers hav been known tew bekum
liars, just az hotlemonade drinkers, with
a leenesport wine in it, just for effekt, hav
been known tew bekum our most reliable
whiskee drinkers.-N. Y. Weekly.