The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1873-01-18


And the monkey might have been you
The old song has been changed to suit
the seasons:
Mother may 60 out 10 skater"
Yes, my dearest daughter;
But come back homo at half-past eight,
And don't go into the water"
An unsatisfactory meal-A domestic
broil.
TIE worst thing under the canopy"
"A mosquito.
Doors BACKED inside is not a
good inscription for a sign.
WHEN is the weather most like a
crockery shop? When it's muggy.
THE Sisters of SILENCE" is a Michi-
gan association OF women. Their by
laws. are written in three colors of ink.
THE latest definition of a gentleman
is q man who can put on a clean collar
without being conspicuous"
ONE style of bonnet is called the
8. AIansard," because it takes a great
deal of a " mans hard earnings TO pay
for one of 'em.
q WANT to know" said a creditor,
fiereely, "when you are going to pay
me what you owe me p When I'm
going to pay? Why, you're pretty
fellow! Do you take me for prophet ?
ONE day when Mrs. Darlington heard
the minister say there would be a nave
IN. .sa.e.- ist7sss -. >.--s-tss.tlaGt
she q knew who the party was.
A sAcR1n1aIoUs thief stole all the
chairs at Methodist church in Charles
ton, S. c., and the exploit has become
the '' standing joke Of the eongrega-
ton.
An old lady was adnliring the beauti-
full picture called " Saved. "It's no
wonder, " said she, "that the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water.
An English traveller says: " Put an
American baby six months old on his
feet, and it will Immediately say, Mr..
Chairman p and call the next cradle to
order.
A MAN advertises for competent per-
son to undertake the sale Of a new med
icine. and adds that " it will prove high
" lucrative to the undertaken p
e'There's one thing, said a gentleman
at a race, "that nobody can beat, and
that is time" Fudge :" exclaimed a
bystander, every drummer in the land
beats time p
\ DOCTOR ike everybody else at this
season, went out for a days sport, and
complained OF having killed nothing.
THAT'S the consequence Of having neg
lected your business" observed his
wife
ELEGANT people viii in the future de-
sist from describing suddenly cold
weather as 4" cold snap" or cold
spell" The proper English for the oc-
casion is that we are experiencing 'po-
lar wave.
A MEDDLEsoNfE man, who was watch
ing his wife bake pies, stepped with his
bare foot on a warm stove lid, and then
stepped mp in the air a few PAGES, and
has gone west.
A SALOON keeper having started busi-
a
been made, asked friend what he had
better do with the old sign" Trunk
Factory" g oh, said the friend, "iust
change the L to d, and it Will suit you
Us Pat IsI..sss.ssiss; "a. lDeard TINS ship
roared Nelson during a lull in the firing
at the battle of the Nile. "Im here,
nv lord" said Erin's son, showing him
self on, deck. "Then, said the gallant
Nelson. looking satisfied, "let the bat
tie proceed. That story is Pats.
Mrs. g.: 81 really must give cook
warning, Charles. She does use such
very bad words Mr. g.: Really,
dear What sort of words are they?"
Mrs. G.: "Oh, well the same as you
use.
THE balloon style of dress seems to
have gone ont of fashion. Grim
oline, tournure, panier, each have all
been discarded, and all our bellies,
to use a homely expression, look " as if
they had been drawn through a knot
hole
Losr WEALTH may be restored by in
dustrv, the wreck of health regained
by temperance, forgotten knowledge
restored by study, alienated friendship
smoothed into forgetfulness, even for
feited reputation recovered by peni-
tence but who has ever again looked
upon his vanished hours, recalled his
sighted years. stamped them with wis
dom, or effaced from heavens record
the fearful blot of wasted time?
MANY stories are told in Norfolk coun-
ty of Tom Smith, ir,, a very ignorant
man, who made his money distilling gin
and used to be called in consequence
Tom Smith Juniper. Thinking TO bet
ter his standing in society he joined the
church and took active part in the pray
er-meetings, always going in full dress,
with light kids on his brawny hands,
and one occasion praying with many
gestures to the "Heat and diabolical
jehovah Once in speaking of pray
er-meeting held in a drinking-saloon,
he said, "Can any good come out Of
Lazarus ? Come and see." At another
time he said, "You all remember David
who was cast into den of roaring lions
and came out unscratched."
THEY tell of a young Iady in West
chester County, named Louise, who
thought mournfully of the leap-year fast
going ont and of certain hopes she had
cherished that would go out with it.
Finally, growing desperate, she went TO
one Bennie Hops, and, holding re-
volver to his ears, made an elaborate
proposal, Bennie consented with really
unnecessary speed and energy; but
when the girl was gone, went away from
that locality and has not since been
seen by Louise or any of his friends-
The girl, however, may have the conso-
lation Of suing him for a breach OF
promise and recovering, of course, dam
ages commensurate with his little prop
erty.
PEOPLE who are unable to 60 70
sleep at night will be glad to know thar
an instrument, constructed by an m