Lamoille newsdealer. [volume] (Hyde Park, Vt.) 1860-1877, 1873-08-13
HnmOrs OF The Day.

- A"N
"A man has been arrested for taking
things as they come.
The hornet is beautifully defined to
be the rcd.hot child of nature.
You arc quite welcome, as the empty
pocket-book said TO the greenbacks
A young husband calls his wifo
Birdie" because, he says, she has al
ways associated in his mind with a bill.
HAnincky paper tells Of tree a
l!Sgstid lSoostt and half ia diameter which fell
in two. ''"'~"
Theodore Hook once .aid TO n man
at whose table publisher got very tipsy,
why, you appear to have empted your
wine into your book cellar ~
"A fond parent, anxious that his in
FAINT should be sharp in his wits and pro-
found 10 his thoughts, has sent him to sea
so that lie may be rocked in the cradle
of the deer.
-"Owing to the peculiar arrangement
Of the programme, no piece can be re-
lpestod," was the answer White received
from his andlady upon asking for a sec.
Ond piece of pie at dinner.
"A stipgy husband accounted for all
, the blame of the lawlessness of his chill.
drcn in company by saying his wife al
ways gave them their own way. Poor
things it's all l have to give thcm," was
. her prompt reply.
In recent debate member of the
California Legislature exclaimed: Tho
honorable gentleman from Calaveras Coun-
ty is undoubtedly person of great abili-
> ties, man of talent, a natural-born gen.
: ius; but there is one thing defy him to
do, and that is TO bite The bottom Of a fry
+ ing-pan soithou shutting has nose.
Candidates for government offices in
. England are examined upon various liter
AIRY and scientific topics. Not long since
. Que of them, by slip of the pen, wrote
y "Vcnice," in one of his papers. "Do you
IS know, SIR that there is but one hen in
IT Vonnice ?" asked the indignant examiner.
Then eggs must be very scarce there,
IS was the reply.
m -"Bridgct Bridget why don't you
y bring up the lemonade ?' said Mrs. S.,
D. on tho Fourth Of July, from the top ofthe
9, kitchen stairs. "Why ,marm," said Bridg-
IL ct, wiping the sweat from her red face
lie with her checkerod apron az she put her
IN head round the staircase partition -"why,
Or marin, you see, the ice | put in the lem
h. onade is so hard that it hasn't melted vet,
Is though it's stirring 1t over the fire I've
~ been for the last fifteen minutes or more !"
" Lorenzo Dow was once preaching in
- :. tho eastern Fart Of Connecticut to crowd
u. . ed house, the season being midwinter, and
" the weather extremely cold During the
=, ~ sermon the congregation would make fire.
quent visits to the stove TO warm up.
!, The old man stood the interruption until
~ forbearance ceased to bo virtue; stop
ping short in the middle of a sentence, he
~ said, Those who have holes in their
stockings may now 60 to the stove and
- warm their feet" He was annoyed no
~ more during the service.
,;a -"Put barrel on your own back, you
or brute y shouted an old gentleman with a
II flowing white beard and cherry face, as
r. heartless truckman was lashing a pair
~ Of overworked horses that were staggering
y. the sloughs in William Street. "Are YOU
!. one Of Bergh's spies ?" was the sury re-
. oinder. mo, Sir, but I'm Bergher.
~ - and if you'll conc down like a man I'll
:, thrash you" The cartman took up the
gauntlet, and the old man was as good as
his word; and to the honor of the police
er men be it said, they did not interfere, but
or allowed the driver to get his deserts.
or There was miser who was consid-
&c cred impregnable to charitable appeals,
OK until a Hibernian genius ''camc Paddy
ns over him." Teddy went TO the office one
ne morning and told a piteous story about
II losing his pig the only one he had. "Sure,"
Is. says Teddy. "Mistbrsss--"(whose good
X opinion old Hard Fist was anxious to re-
ca tain)"told me to come to ye, for ye wor
10 very rich, and gev power of money 10
ne the poor, God bless ye! | only want to
ny raise enough to buy me another little ship
nd of pig" The miser couldn't resist the
nu influence of Mrs.---,so he gave Teddy
rs' crown A few days aiterward he met
nd him. "Well, Teddy" said he, ''did you
NJ. buy another pig y "Troth, did; and
ou fine one it is ''Then take better care
We of it than yeu dio of the other. What
ill did the pig you lost die off" "Die Of"
'ds said Teddy,raising his eyebrows-"fwhat
yet wud he die of? Shure he didn't.die at all.
He was fat enough. au' | kilt him -