The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1873-08-30
GENERAL ITEMS.

GENERAL ITEMS.
A MOWER who can't NOW might rs well
be no mower.
LrE-NsuRANcE canvassing is new
branch Of female industry.
The next worst thing to raining pitch
forks must be hailing omnibuses. ~'r
EVERY male above the ageof fourteen,
in Starbold, Ct, chews or smokes. \
The richest man in Denver is Mexi-
can with an Indian wife, and she leads
the fashion. -
The ladies find fault with the new pos
tai cards because there isn't room enough
on them for postscript.
ONE profession, says Punch, is safe from
the invasion Of woman. She may enter
the army, but it is impossible that she
can man the navy. 4s, 81 80 .s'-'7''t i
THE girls in a Springfield, Mass, fac
tory are supplied By the proprietors with
chewing gum in order that they may not
waste time in talking. -I"..ta5H-
An old man named Rhinehardt, worth
$4,000, died at Sandusly the other day,
and willed that only $7.25 should be paid
for his funeralsoxpansess KaE:Gk
The gentleman who asserted that his
friend never opened his mouth without
putting his foot in it, being called upon
tofapOlogize, said he was very sorry, but
when he made the assertion he did not
see the size of his friends foot. rsr.
AN ignorant and obtuse Ohio father
says the only result he notices from his
daut hter's recent attendance at college
for both sexes, is her tendency to sigh
nd OH %ho
kitten.
AL1rTLE girl was one day reading the
history of England with her governess;
and coming to the statement that Henry
l. never laughed after the death of his
son, she locked up and said, "What did
he do when he was tickled?''.g 4st
Avoid lady in Undertook village, who
has been nearly blind for twenty years,
has lately recovered her sight completely,
and can now thread her needle or read her
Bible as easily as she could when only
thirty years old --<s,l 50. XII
''SUsAN B. ANTHONY" remarks the
Boston Traveller, 6 wants the name Of the
Pullman cars altered either to Pull-man-
and-woman or Pull-irfespective- of-sex
cars" tits likely that the Traveller is in
fair way to have its ears pulled. Such
base untruth as that is the result of pure
malice.
A LIQUOR dealer at Niagara Falls last
week thought to make hit in the adver-
Using line by hiring a. peripatetic Hiber-
nian to carry about the street trans
parency setting forth the goodness and
abundance OF his liquors. A temperance
party, however, chartered boy to follow
with transparency reading, "Cursed
is he.that putteth the cup to his brothers.
Ips.'
A WISE man in the East, that is in
Springfield, Mass, says that if you wish
to determine whether your watch keeps
correct time or not you should select any
given star from the corner of window
sash, or through any small hole, and note
the precise instant at which the star dis
appears behind chimney, or other sta
tionary object within short distance. If
from the same standpoint the star disap-
pears earlier by three minutes and fifty-six
seconds the next night, and by seven min
the watch is right to the half Of second.
DURING the rain yesterday boy fast
ened about forty feet of sheep Irvine to an
umbrella and then stood the protector in
the door of public stairway. In the
CVu1HC VI Hull dlf uONE ClCvCu uluVIGllL
persons saw the umbrella, knew that the
owner had lost it, and wanted them to
take charge of 1t, and carried it the length
CT the string only to let go of it, and won
dered what in the dickens the crowd was
laughing at. There is something in the
sight of nice umbrella which goes right
to the public art.-Dc7roit Free Press.
AMONG the many useful inventions of
nn1orv, dove f<n in.t
er than an ingenious little machine Just
invented by an American in Portsmouth,
New Hampshire. It is called 'sthe bust
ness mans bore abater,'' and its action is
simple and effectual. It consists of but
ton torpedo, with patent nitro-glycerine
back-actiOn attachment, that can be worn
on the coat like an ordinary button, which
it resembles in appearance. When the
bore seizes the s abater" it instantly ex-
plodes, shivering his hand into million
pieces, and blowing him around the cor
ner into the next street. The inventor, it
is stated, has already received orders for
all be can manufacture for two years to
come. .~,..- r
This story comes from Maine. A man
in Portland married a widow. She had q |
fashion, which Is too common among la
dies who have buried a man.. of giving
him glowing accounts of the angelic vir-J
tues Of the dear departed. AS prohibi-
ton law is. i'm force in Maine, he could not
drown his sorrows in liquor. so he nerved
his soul to take a terrible revenge. One
night when hiswife was sleeping soundly, |
perhaps dreaming Of the first - victim
of her charms, he arose from his bed, took |
a sledge- hammer, and deliberately raising
it to his shoulders, he marched, to the |
grave, yard, and smashed the tombstone
Of his dead rival into little bits. Now,
when his wife says anything about the
virtues of the dead man, he replies: 6 1t |
may be all very true, old gal; but he can't !
smash my tombstone. There's where |
Pm ahead.''
A YOUNG lady in neighboring town
was dressing for party the other even
ing. Her little niece was chewing gum
and watching her. The little one asked
the young lady if certain other young
lady, who was going, had beau. She