The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1873-07-04
YOURS TRULY ON THE RAMPAGE.


Mrs. DluaiUdy:-Yours Truly's nddy
Professor Royal would suggest "indig-
nantr as the better word, but If he knew
the superlative degree Of indignation
which a schoolgirl reaches under proper
provocation, he couldn't find fault with
the expression, mad! Did you think
Yours Truly would pocket that insult
demurely, like pet kitten, and never
tell anybody that you were stupid
enough to think it joke? No wonder
the boy who ''does' the Forest Grove
Independent couldn't see the point Of
your political joke when you ran for
Mayor. Yours Truly is as much 'cnter
than he is as girls are sharper than boys
in general, and she can't see any ''point"
to your last 'joke," that's certain.
"Know all men and women by these
presents" as Mrs. Duniway said when
trying to perpetrate that 'Joke" on the
Republicans by Offering to run for
Mayor, that the compensation offered
Yours Truly by the munifcent publish
ing company of the NEW NORTHWEST,
for first-class professional reportorial
critique was a l-e-d-t-h-e-r m-e-d-a-y
Who wouldn't get mad?
Who buys the cigars and candy and
drinks and buggy rides and lavender
kids and hair oil for masculine reporters,
if their compensation is like this? Who
pays for their board and washing and
chamber work and shoe-blaeking and
little canes and watch chains and finger
rings and bosom pins? They all have
such things, and they can't wait upon
themselves like schOol-girls-say do
they pay their way with l-e-a-t-h-e-r
nl-e-d-a-L-ss
Is this the remuneration received by
literau the world over, during the years
in which they are seribbling themselves
famous? If so, Yours Truly, who has
an appreciation for the substantial
things of this life, among which may be
mentioned yellow-legged chickens, roast
beef and boiled cabbage, to say nothing
of bon bons, ice cream and soda water,
and who, consequently, can neither
mastieate nor digest a l-e-a-t-h-e-r
na-e-d-a-l, must engage during the vaca-
ton in something that will bring her at
least moiety Of these commodities.
Mrs. Duniway, what is to be done?
That Yours Truly can write is proven by
the fact that somebody gets angry every
time she publishes. Does nobody pay
for these things? The three dollars per
week allotted to kitchen girls of her
physical capacity will barely keepa girl
of the period-and Yours Truly's one Of
em-in limited supply of something
TO wear. An Intellectual effort to dispose
of that nl-e-d-d-l-mad again,-for n
new hustle, so disgusted her that she
tried to swap the thing off to ragged
blackberry boy for forlorn-looking
dog with an abbreviated caudle, intend
ing when the trade was made to get
somebody to kill the dog. You ought to
have seen that boyi His hands and face
were stained deep purple, with a mix
ture Of berry juice and dirt, and his nose
well, it's needless TO attempt a pen
picture of that nose. Distending his
cheeks like an inflated balloon, the i'm
pudent rascal INDUCED in a prolonged
whistle, while his purple-hued, dirt /
streaked digits, with the thumb of one
paw upon the end of that nose, waved
significantly in the air in open derision
of the proffered bargain, and the Of
Tended dog nosed the blackberries in the
basket and then barked aloud, in his in
dignation at the very idea.
Now, Mrs. Duniway, every oppor-
tunity that offers itself 10 offend you or
your readers with a eritique, or tax your
time with reportorial efforts, will here
after be maliciously INDUCED in to
avenge the wrongs and redress the
grievances of YOURS TRULY.