South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-06-13

IS new soDtiInentsl ballad.
ESs- An old bachelor says, there's sight
more jeweiTy WORD now days than when /
was young. But there's one piece that l
always admire which don't often see now
What is thaty' asked a young lady. "A
thimble,' was the reply.
ES-'You want nothing but dish ket.
tie said an old lady in the back woods, to
her daughter, who had just got married.
why, when your father and commenced,
20 boil my coffee in it, then pour it into
pitcher; then boil my potatoes in it, and
set them on a warm plate, while | s,ewed
mp the meat in it; l used to milk in it
and always after a meal, fed the pigs out
of the dish kettle. Sal, if you are only a
miud to, you can use it for anything
EI- What is that which never uses its
teeth for eating purposes A comb
Bas-Why is nature like a baby Be-
cause there is generally a squall when its
face is washed.
EF An assessor asked woman how ma
ny chickens she had, and, doubling her
word, proceeded 10 count them. She took
him to the beehive, kicked it over and in.
vited him to count the bees. He'll take
woman's word next time.
ESrA AT q colored meeting in New Hamp-
shire, worthy brother, whose piety ex-
ceeds his learning, rather astonished bis
hearers by quoting, during an exortaticn
from de 'pistle of Paul to de Canadians
Ey When wife in Turkey forgots to
keep the suspender buttons scwed on her
husbands trowsers, she is patted on the
back for half all hour with pine board
an inch thick.
s9-'Do be frank said young Mr. Smith
to Miss Fraucis, who had been quizzing him
for an hour. But, Edward, I have been
Frank twenty-f five years, and should like
to try some other name just for a change
was the arch reply.
Gay The question is often discussed whe-
,ber the savages enjoy life. We suppose
they do, us they always seem anxious to
take it when they get chance.
4 WIGGING.-T Rev. Doctor Mac
Leod, Gather of the late Doctor Norman
MaeLGOd,) was proceeding from the manse
of D to church, to open new place
of worship. As he passed slowly and grave
ly through the crowd gathered about the
doors, an elderly man, with the peculiar
kind Of wig known in that district-bright,
smooth, aud Of reddish bgown-aocoste
him
Doctor, if you please, wish to speak
to you
well, Duncan, said the venerable doc
tor, 'can ye not wait till after worship p
'No, doctor, must speak to you now,
for it is matter upon my conscience
'Ob, since it is matter of conscience,
tell me what it is but be brief, Duncan,
for time presses
'Ihe matter is this, doctor. Yc see the
clock yonder on the face Of The new church
Well, there is no clock really there-noib-
ing but the face Of The clock There is no
truth in it but only once in the twelve
hours. Now it is, IN my mind, very wrong
aud quite against my conscience, that there
should be a lie on the face Of the house Of
the Lord
Duncan, l will consider the point
But | om glad to see you looking so well
You are not young now ! remember you
for many years and what fine head of
hair you have still
'Eb, doctor, you are joking now it is
long since have had my hair
COB, Duncan, Duncan, are you going
into the house Of the Lord with lie up
on your head p
This settled the question, and the doctor
beard no more Of the lie on the face Of the
clock.
E<r Some mischiovious wags ono night
pulled down a turner's sign and put it o..
yer q lawyers door; in the morning it
read All sorts Of turning and twisting
done here
R1-A lady, wishing tho services Of a
dyer, was referred to an excellent work T.
man. The lady asked, Are you The dying
man 2 NO ma'am, I'm living man
but I'll dye for you
EgIn Indiana lately lady gave o bril-
liant party on tho occasion Of the success