The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1873-05-28

The following report Of the examins-
I ton Of an IriShman in s court OF law Is
taken from ! Southern journal The mat
ter IN dispute vas the mode Of working
s mine. Mr.. James, the barriSter for the
plaintiff. was crosS-exaulining the witness,
when the following dialogue took plaee
Mr.. james: Now, YOU say you worked
IN the mine? Witness; Ees, sir. Mr.,
james: How do you work! Witness
Why, It was worked cop an down, you
know this way, that way, t'other way,
foot-riiden way dang it, every way.
loud i4ughter) Mr. james: 1 must
confess DO not understand you Wit
ness: think 1 spoke plain enuf More
lzugbteEl Mr.. james: No doubt you
did, bat the stupidity Is on nv side, not
on yours. Witness: That's it; YOU be
QUOT stupid, (roars Of Ianghterl you Gonna
understand English Continued laugh
ter The Judge: If We had been in the
habit of working in mines doubtless your
language would be quite ineligible, but
IS It Is, we cannot understand you Wit
ness: Well, I Gonna speak ony palmer
Dang ne If ever I seed such stupid people
sin left pit Another quarter Of an hour
was spent on this specimen Of humanity,
who is to have hereafter but it was no
use, and he left the witness-bo1, feeling
disguised with the Ignorance OF learned
men and the rremediable obtuseness Of
judge, jury, counsel, and auditory.
The next case called on showed some
one to be remarkably thick, either the
witness or the-coun<eL 1t IS not important
IS to what the action was about, but the
witness had given bis evidence in chief,
and was being eross-examined by one Of
the lights Of the bar. You viii see that
the man czme from the Emerald Isle, but
was not so green Is be looked There was
merry twinkle in his eye, and the cut of
his mouth indicated frmness, as though
he were not to be beaten Now, my man,
you have given your answers to my
friends questions in 4 very straightfor-
ward manner, sud the few shall ask you
I hope viii be as direct. Witness Al
ways supposing you put EN- straight
Counsel: You are 3 Roman Catholic
Witness: AMI? Counsel: Are YOU not?
Witness: You say an Counsel: Come,
sir, snswer-Ehat's your religion! Wit
ness: The true religion (Laughter.l
Counsel: What religion Is thAtZ Wit
ness: Ny religion. Counsel: And what's
your religiouc Witness: Ny mothers
religion. Counsel: And what was your
mothers religion Witness: She took
whisky in her tsy. tRozrs of Iaughter.)
Counsel: Come, now, I'll find you out,
cunning IS you are You bless yourself,
don't youf Witness: When I'm done
with you think 1 ought. Counsel: What
place Of worship do you go to- Wit
ness: The most eonvainyant Counsel:
But Of what persuasion are you2 Wit
ness: Ny persuasion is that you won't
find II cut (Laughterl Counsel: What
Is your belief Witness: Ny belief Is
thzt you are puzzled More laughter.)
Counsel Do you contest Witness:
Not to you Counsel: Come, now 1 have
YOU Whom would you send tor if you
were going to dieg Witness: Dr. Grow
In Counsel: Not for the priestl Wit
ness: L must first get messenger. Coun-
sci: Confound your quibbHngs. Tell me,
then, what your opinions sre-your CON
seientious opinions, 1 mean Witness:
They are the same as nv landlords Con
tinued lzaghter.) Counsel: And what
are your landlords opiniousI Witness:
Faith his opinion Is that won't pay
him the last halfyear's rint, and I'm Of
the sane opinion meselk Rozrs of laugh
ter, during which the counsel scratched
his hOrsehaIr.l Counsel insist. SIR, upon
your answering NE at once: Are you
Roman C4thoIies Witness lam More
laughter, IN which the Court joined
Counsel: And pray, Sir, Why did you not
tell me before, and not waste the time of
the Court IN the way you haTes Wit
ness: Because you never aIed ne Coun-
sci: did, sir Witness: Indade you
didn't 1 appeal to them giutlemen there
1.-THE reporterSl You said / was great
many things, but till row you Fever sxed
ne . question You began with putting
cross questions, and bate You BY giving