Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1873-10-15
The Lightning Rod Man.

He called in all his radiant beauty
and inimitable check. Unfortunately
VIC were not in healthy condition,
and he was not denied admission. We
knew at once that bo was the light
ming rod man--and wo groancd in an
tioipation OF tho coming afiliction.--
"The editor 7" no asked with bow.
"No, the editor has just gone out
to kill a life insurance man."
"Well, can explain the matter to
you. Being q man of literary attain
ments, you undoubtedly take an in
terest in science, which in few years
has covered tho earth with railroads
and telegraphs, which has filled the
rivers with steamboats,, and tho sen
with floating palaces, which has found
ways to defy the lightning of heaven"
ave take not the slightest interest
in science. We regard Robert Fulton
as an impostor, Stephenson as nui-
sance, Morse as an unmitigated ruff
an, and think that Benjamin Frank
lin should have been tied to the tail of
his own kite and sent on voyage of
discovery among the thunder bolts.
He it was who invented lightning rod
mon, the vilest wretchcs who cucumber
tho earth A law should at once be
passed giving any man in the comma
nifty the right to kill any lightning
rod man on sight, or nail him to tho
chimney, and stick lightning rod
down his throat, so that the first spor-
tive thunderbolt that should come that
way should annihilatc him."
We were getting angry, but we are
mild spoken in our anger. He now
planted himself in chair, as serene
and calm as though We had been cal
culating him benefactor to the hui
man race.
"You don't understand this light
ming rod--it is the most recent inven.
tion, unlike anything ever before pro
duced. 1t will yet take rank with
such inventions as printing, the steam
engine and the telegraph. Tho world
will yet revere the inventor as a ben
efactor second to no one man who has
ever lived. The lightning rod is for
protecting the person, not dwelling
IL is composition Of India rubber,
iron, and chemical known only to
the inventor. 1t is TO be wound around
the body, and run from the crown of
the hat TO the boot heel. Lightning
will have no power to harm the man
who wears it. The rod is also pro
lection against violence. A man in
| Nevada wore one of them. In o
drunken row he was shot at seven
teen times without being injured, a
hatchet exploded and killed the man
in whose hands it was when he at
tempted to strike tho man who wore
the charmed lightning rod-that is
the name il bears. The man who uses
the charmed lightning rod cannot die
by violence---it is doubtful, indeed, if
he will ever die, as no person who has
purchased one has yet died"
Ho would have continued, but we
interrupted him with:
"You wear ono of themy"
al wouldn't be without one of them
for sums untold; would sooner be
without food and sleep"
".,nd would it be impossible to hurt
you while you wear iti"
"As impossible as it would be for a
fly to eat up the Rocky Mountains"
"Will you wait for us a few min
utes, while we give some directions p
"Cortainly," was his instant reply.
"My entire afternoon is at your ser
vice"
We went out and collected all the
men employed in the building and
tod them the circumstances, and each
man armed himself at once. None of
them had ever killed man, and each
was anxious to enjoy the luxury Of
trying 10 do so. We got a ncighbor
who owns a bloodhound as big as a
Shetland pony, to bring him into the
building, We then marched double
file into the editorial rooms. Tho
man with the bloodhound led tho way.
Tho noise caused the lightning rod
man to turn his head. le gave one
howl and fed through the back door,
followed by voley of shot and the
Russian bloodhound. We followed
them up Franklin street across the
Park to Broadway. There westopped.
But the bloodhound did not return
tor two days, and there was fcndish
glaro in his eyes as though no had
been enjoying himself in his savage
way. We much fear that the l.. r.
NJ. has been digcsted ere this. The
fate of this wretched man should be q
lesson to all agents who think of in
vading the sacred precincts Of our
sanctum, or who try TO impose upon
the credulity of the editor.