Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-02-14
II UMOR

Texas Senate few days ago, the Senators
are reported to have stood devoutly during
the clerks reading of the journal, and to
have responded "Amen" when he had in-
ished, never doubling but that it was the
same thing as the customary morning
prayer.
An old Palmyra, Indiana, farmer lately
predicted that deer would be as plenty as
sheep in that vicinity this wiater. This
gave an impetus to the ammunition trade,
until some searcher after mutton ascertain.
ed that there were only two sheep in the
county.
The Memphis ''Appeap' tells Of an Irish
man who got laughed at for making faces
over some persimmons. and. who retortsd
thus: Eye may grin, ye mutton-beaded
idiots but I lather the sowl out Nv the
man that split vinegar over thin plums.
A garter was pumped up at the court
house well, at Bloomington, last Saturday
Upon the supposition that woman had
been attached to the garter. number OF
gallant young men fshsd in the well during
the greater portion Of the afternoon.
A paper rfcer tly alluded to nan as
"battle-scared'' veteran. instead Of "bat'le
Scared" The composi'or was so agltated
when the editor made bin correct it, that
he changed it to "bottle SCARED" veteran.
And still the veteran was not happy
There is one lady in Indiana who does
not get dragged all around the room by the
hair of her head when her husband comes
home tight Patent hair restoratives have rem.
dered her exempt from playful tricks of this
kind. She is bald as an egg.
An orator, getting warmed with his sub
jeet, exclaimed. There is not man, wo-
man or child 10 the house, who has arrived
at the age Of fifty years. but what has f
this truth laundering through their minds
for centuries"
Counsel for the defence in K ,ntucky
breach of promise suits advance the plea that
an irresistible impulse to make love without
intending matrimony characterizas specific
form of emotional iDsanity.
Nebraska has 5000 Indians too lazy t.
work, steal or die. and the authorities think
Of Offering some kind Of reward for an eri
demic that will sweep them off into the hap
Ply hunting grounds.
A lady Informed her husband that she
had not chairs enough for the company to
which her frugal husband replied. 1--WE
have plenty Of chairs, my dear, but too
much company"
Levi Brown, Of Pogyan, Michigan
thought be could hold playful young bull
BY the tail, but his widow now says "He
never could stick to anything ten minutes
in his life
An applicant for pair Of boots at one Of
our shoe stores was asked what number he
wore, and replied, as soon as he could re-
cover from his surprise: "Why, two, of
course !"
An editor once wrote ave received
basket of strawberries from Mr.. Smith, for
which be will receive our compliments
some of which are four inches in circumfer-
ence.
Agassiz says that any full grown man
can live for ten days by chewing at pair OF
boots, and yet there are men who will growl
if they don't have miDce pie every meal.
IL wish I was in heaven" said discour-
aged Mrs O'Clarence, the other morning.
80 wouli l." said the husband. ''if
hadn't friends there whom | value"
A young lady on being told By friend
last week that silk dresses we're very much
worn. replied that she knew it, for hers had
two or three holes in it.
At Akron, Ohio, girl was taken with
small pox whils dancing, and the chap who
was down on her card for ''toe next waltz ,
did not take it.
When church is burning, what is the
only part that runs no chance of being
saved? The organ, because the engine can t
play upon it,.
In Springfield, ILL.,. ''French cook, :"
named Bridget OFlaherty, was caught
greasing the griddle with the heel of an old
rul Der shoe.
When the father Of an attractive daugh-
ter neeotiates for par CT stove, it becomes
an event Of considerable importance to the
community.
A clergyman at Paris, Kentucky, stop.
ped his prayer to lead an un uly man out
BY the ear, and went on LAS was saving,
Oh, Lord p
A too sanguine bridegroom arpends to
the announcement Of his marriage in the
Vermont journal, ''No cards, no cake, no
divorce"
An Oeeeon editor thinks that Offering a
bounty for Monoc scalps would be the surest
way to make the red man keep his wig
warm.
Girls sixteen years old get lost in the laby.
rinth of streets in Terre Haute. This is
about the age when they gsl l'st if ever.
An Indiana editor hires band to sere
made him twice week. and he always re
spends by column Of thanks next day.
Another old citizen gone. This time be
is an aged Kansiap. and has deserted his
wife to elope with bis y,ung niece
Turkeys are dollar apiece. saysa Nash
vile paper, but its readers wish to know
how large the piece is
Speaking Of a very tall actor, wag said !:
'By Jove. he is tall enough to act in two
parts p
All things are systematized nowadays.
Even every milk train has its eow.catcher.
"a bumper at parting" as the drunken
man said, when he ran up against the post.
MI !. Lorost dpcks din tha;r hood