The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-08-22

sc1sSoHlNcs.
spendthriftIscapitala--I ! Q y.
Pressing business-A hatters
A woman's ailment- The stitch.
Drawing paper The dentists bill.
Paper for the roughs Sand-paper.
1t will always pay to speak kindly.
always going to blazes"-A fire.
man.
Cowardly assaults-To beat re-
treat.
In Texas ice costs 5 cents pound,
and beef 8 cents.
The wheat crop in Kansas is the
largest ever known.
How many peas are there in q pint2
Only one P, surely, III u SJ
When is singer like d price-listF
When he is in voice.
A Chicago belle eats raw crap-
berries by the quart.
The Shah scratches his head with
fork at the table.
Georgia has decided 1t impossible
to be cruel toa mule.
When is g man done brownP When
bis friends toast him.
Why is a muskmelon like horseP
It makes the man go. ....
What State in the Union can never
be out Of debit IOWA.
The Yellowstone lake is 7 400 feet
above the level Of the sea.
When is fowls neck like bell2
When it is rung for dinner.
When are eyes not eyes2 When
the wind makes them water.
Not bad name for q female for
tuneteller-Prognosti-Kate
When is a captain in his heaviest
attire2 When he wears his ship.
Why is meat not done like good
conundrumP Because it is rare.
Pannier-a "waste basket" for
back numbers Of old newspapers.
A matchmaker says he passes q
great many ''springs" every year in
his shop.
The Scriptures never demand faith
except on the ground Of adequate
evidence.
What God gives man as stepping
ptones, they often make into STUN
bling-blocks.
An Albany clergyman regards the
use Of fans in church as savoring OF
Proclamation.
There is nothing that so refnes
the face and mien as the presence OF
great thoughts.
No clouds can overshadow the
Christian, but his faith will discover
rainbow in it.
Peace is the evening star of the
soul, as virtue is its sun, and the two
are never far apart.
The papers say that Miss Nellie
Grant is writing book upon "Life
at Long Branch"
=. The man who sports cane and
plug hat and yet goes barefootedi
lives in Marshalltown.
A love match at Cedar Rapids has
Just been broken up by leak in the
gas Pipe in the parlor.
Fever with wisdom is zeal; with
out fanaticism; cultivate the dove
but don't forget the serpent.
There is nothing so effective il
bringing a man up to the scratch a'
a healthy, high-spirited flea.
Every editor in Tennessee has beer
presented with the first cotton bloom
which he proudly displays as a nose
gay.
A Jersey paper describes man af
being "as sociable as o batch of can
didates two weeks before the elect
ion" .ers ttnr5ra
"A Cairo pond keeper has resigned
because the Common Council OBJ
jected to his writing Hon before hi
name.
A New York marine reporter OBJ
serves that "the ocean is white will
the neck-ties of outward bound cler
gymen."
IN cackling cid newspaper owl
is the epithet applied by one Sacr0
mento editor to another in recen
argument. 4
God will not let any apparent evi
come into our lives from which W
cannot bring some good to ourselve
or others.
A clergyman lately said that mod
ern young ladies are not the daugh
ters Of Shem and Ham, but Of her
and sham.
The success of the balloon experi
ment, now on the carpet, will prov
whether or not it is Wise to eros
the Atlantic.
A young lady wrote home o shol
note from place she was visiting
with the P. S., "You will see froI
my signature that | am married. l."
1t is sad, but true, that the initial
of Sons Of Temperance spell "sot,
and that those Of the lndepender
order of Good Templars stand fo
II once got tight"
Newspaper editorials have bee
defined as being "shavings from th
we'll worn mind, to be blown for on
brief minute before the wind Of pul
lie opinion, and then forgotten fC
all eternity"
Near Beaufort, n. O., a colore
boy went out to hoe corn. He faile
tofannaar ~ he uat1al time mn