The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1873-11-13
His First Paper Collar.
From the Danbary Nows.

N--N -f~--nA-As @NeMHr
We remember with unpleasant dis
tinctness the first paper collar we ever
wore. 1t was at a surprise party. A
half hour after the advent of ourself
and the other surprisers we were To-
Gated in the parlor on mohair chair.
And they were very fresh and vigorous
mohairs, too. It was our intention to
have got in corner, but we missed the
aim, and got located within eighteen
inches of the stove. It was large
stove, with a complicated mass of per-
pendicular sheet-iron pipes, like an or
gan, only It was warmer than an organ.
LIE staEs saat-ezt spsaas stlsss1llii. and osIr
location gave rs q promineHce that
would have beel very grateful had we
been back of a store looking for lemons,
but being diffident person, and having
a strong desire to crawl under the car
pet, and be out Of sight, the prominence
put blight on our spirits that we found
impossible to shake of. 1t was quite
cold out of doors, and some thought
ful person having closed the door, the
temperature commenced to density with
extraordinary rapidity. All of the par
ty sat around the sides of the room, and
in such a way as to take in the stove
and ourself. A dreadful silence sat up-
on all, disturbed only occasionally by
a brief whisper of one friend to another,
which undoubtedly referred to our prox-
unity to the stove, and the weird solem-
nifty of our expression, which we desper-
ately but vainly strove to remedy. We
essayed once or twice to look into the
faces of the company, but thought bet
ter of it, and picking out place in the
wall where the paper had been torn of,
fell to studying it with all-absorbing
interest. The perspiration stood out on
our forehead in great drops, and having
stood there until they got tired, the
drops silently rolled down our face.
We would have got out a handkerchief,
but we cherished the hope that some in
the party was not looking at us, and
dreaded to make any movement for fear
of attracting his attention. Then the
AEALAAOb anu bMGGh OAl Will MAlA~4 We
had generally fed our locks, with a view
to intoxicating the senses of the females
in attendance, commenced to Ooze forth,
and start down the back of our neck for
fresh pastures. It was at this juncture,
the heat of the stove having become un.
bearable, that the lady of the house in
quired if the stove was not too warm
for the gentlemen. It was our purpose
10 protest that we never before were 50
comfortably situated, but the roof of
our mouth having dried and cracked
open, the words must have got lost in
the crevices. But we smiled-such
smile, perhaps, as sick man would ex-
change with an undertaken, who had
called in to ask after his health. It was
at this point we became conscious of
our paper collar. 1t was pressing against
the back of our neck with the ardor of
a mustard draft, and one end had broke
from the button and was soaring majes-
tically heavenward We could feel it
crumble and fall down on both sides,
and every time we put our hand up,
which we began to do quite often, on ac-
count of the cold thrill it gave as, we
found it spotted with the vitality Of that
collar. The other people commenced
to whisper, and look up at the ceiling,
and put their handkerchiefs in their
mouths. We thought Of killing every
one of them on the spot, and hiding
their bleeding remains in the cellar
but we lacked the GOODNESS necessary
for such an undertaking, on account Of
that Internal stove, and SO gave it mp,
and kept on smiling to show our calm
ness. Suddenly, when in the midst of
what was probably most maniacal ieer,
the collar parted at the back, and one
side dropped down to the floor, and the
other swung around to the front A
shrek Of laughter burst from the COM
pasy, and we bolted for home.