The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1873-12-11
FACTS AND FANCIES FOR THE
LADIES

Thomas Fitzh1s, Of Maryland. could
have married girl worth $4,000 if he
would agree to stop smoking. but he
wouldn't agree.
There being no preacher within 30 miles
of Big Greek. Arkansas, couples marry
themselves BY kissing each other across a
table.
Grandma, Why don't you keep servant
any orger!" well, you see, child, Ill
getting old now, and cant take care of me,
as used to, you know"
Gail Hamilton thinks that Joseph wa.
the gentleman Of Genesis. If Genesis in
these days were dependent on gentlemen
like Joseph there wouldn't be any Gene
sis.
A little lady receatly sent word to her
absent "tapa" that she must be excused
from writ. z Il long letter, as she lad spent
very restless night with sick doll
The hard times also affect the Indians,
One horse will not purchase two Apache
women, and the owner of the women will
throw in dog or two ra.her than spoil
trade.
In a letter to a friend, a Springfield young
lady states that she is not engaged, but she
sees a cloud above the horizon about as
large as a mans hand.
Desperate! Medical Man fgingerly y
81 erhaps-you might drop line,
and have your wife up" Patient-'O,
dIctoc, yonr always for suoh extreme
measures "-Punch.
A fond mother who looks forward with
pleasure TO the marriage of her SON to n
certain young lady who was CHI .'ened
Catharine, says that now that Winter has
ccms on, Johu goes kating every night.
"Merm, what ds 70 think Sal told Ned
Boobies last night wen he was sparkling
herr" "Shat up. child! what are you talk
ing about?'' NO, but hearn her, | did.
She toll Ned Bobbles last night she kinder
felt -" flush, you little rascal, Hush,
or I'll take your skin Off and poor Sally
looked as red MS a boiled lobster. 90, git
out, Sal, will tell She told Ned Dobbles
she kinder felt scared and tickled tu,''
Church was married four times, and his
wives were all buried in certain grave
yard. 1t became necessary to remove the
remains Of the dear departed ones to anoth-
er cemetery. Church undertook the work
himself; but in carrying the sainted dead
in a furniture car the bones unfortune tely
got mixed, aud when re interment began
even Church himself was unable to tell
which was Emily and which wa. Hannah
After doing the best he could he had the
four graves closed. Being strictly accu
rate man, he felt it would be wrong to use
the CID head-sto' when he was not certain
that IIannah's dust was all under her tomb
stone. So in order to be precise, lie had a
new set made, with such inscriptions as
these: "lIere lies Hannah Church land
probably part cf Emily, who was born"
etc. Sacred to the memory of Emily
Church (who seems TO be mixed with Ma
tilda), who was born" etc.
Stranger, ause and drop tear,
For Emily Church lies buried here,
Mingled in some perplexiug manner
With Mary Matilda and probably Hannah
Society dislains the exhibition of emotion
under any circumstances. FastidiCus peo-
pie cultivate stoici-m. Some men who are
rich and naughty stoios now, used to be
poor and naughty "stokers" long time
ago, an they are skilled in covering up in
ternal fires.
First colored woman-Is ysu g~ine to
set up viii de copse o-nisht? Second do
No, nv husband won't let me. First wo-
man-Sha. | neber seed such a husban' AS
you is got. lie neber wants you to see any
pleasure.
Mr.. Smith is bound to have bis Joke
| His wife walked nearly IN front of n railroad
trai1 the other day, and he sail that if she
had gone o step farther his children would
have had strI mother.
| Bishop Meade said 'onr girls are roor-
| ly educated, but our boys will lever find
| 1t out.
| According to Blackwood every nan
/ who is not a monster, = MATHEMATICIAN, OF
mad philosopher, is slave of some wo-
/ men or other"
| 4 woman in Oshkosh desires any infor-
nation, that will enable her 10 get her
husband up Sunday mornings 10 season
! for church.
Mirnie-''I'm in such a qnantlry; if
/ turn my back on Charley he becomes Of
/ Tended at once, and il ! don't, he can't
see my new buckle. What shall l do Z"
| 4 young lady upbraded an adsnirer for
| his fir.atlons during long absence.
/ You are to bad to be pardonei," she
said, but if discard you | shall punish
myself most, and so | will ignore what Is
past, aud enjoy your society as much as
/ can while / live. tor when | die | shall
never see you any more i am going to
heaven"
F.! A western paper tells the story Ct
| country woman who made her first at
tempt to get IN the eourt-ho Ise yard
through the patient back action gate. She
opened the gate and went through as she
supposed, and shut herself on. On the same
side seven times; then, calculating ''Merci.
fvl saints u sod cliwed over the fsne.