The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1873-06-19
HUMOROUS.

SURA-Ihe lawyers Dill OF lees.
A BLACK subject-The coal question.
FLAT falsehood-Lying on your back.
"NEw way to pay old debts"-Settle
them in full.
BEST cheese for shipping-That with
shippers in it,
WHAT goes most against farmers
grain? His reaping machine.
How to keep square with the world
Don't be round too much.
An ingenious farmer is training a
flock of swallows to skim his milk.
THoUaH an honest merchant is a
plain dealer, Il carpenter is a deal
planer.
NrrRo-GIYcERINE is said to be better
than kerosene to kindle fire, because
you never know what ails You.
The report that the Modoc Indians
had been engaged to put whoops on
barrels of army stores has been con
| tradicted.
LET no man complain of female ex-
travagance nowadays. Queen Elizabeth
had three thousand dresses and eighty
wigs.
The young poet who went about sigh
ing for "an angel in the house," got
married recently, and now he sigha
more than ever.
A CORRESPONDENT thinks newspaper
publishers must be very plain men, they
are so constantly striving for new fca-
lures.
"I SUPPOSE you are interested in
Gems of Thought, Matilda?" eyes,
Angelina, but not so much as in
Thoughts on Gems.
THE latest conundrum from Georgia
is: "Why is South Carolina like
piano?" because the darkies Ozark
keys) are above the whites.
IN one thing, at least, America can
beat efreto Europe. Our Lava Beds
surround the meanest "craters" in the
world they are nastier than Vesuvils.
The education of girls in this coun-
try is not what it should be, 1t is too
feminine, lacking the robustness which
cbaracterizes the training of girls in
Europe.
The wife of Louisville lawyer made
hustle of some important legal docu-
ments, and court had to adjourn until
she could go home and return them IN
proper shape.
THE West is great country. A Min
nesota farmer lost a gimlet three years
apo. The other day he cut down tree
near his barn, and found in it three
ouarter-inch auger.
A SHERIFF in Florida, who was called
upon to resign, wrote back Your
communication is received, stating that
NV resignation will meet the approval
of the governor. 1t does not meet
mine"
A YOUNG preacher having tried to
preach sermon from the text, "Re-
member Lots wife, and made failure,
venerable doctor remarked. that he
chad better thereafter let other peoples
wives alone.'
A GENTLEMAN was complimenting
pretty young lady in the presence OF
his wife. "It is lucky l did not meet
Miss Hopkins before married you, my
dear" "Well, yes, it is extremely
lucky-for her." was the dry rejoinder.
An Irish lass wrote to her lover, beg
ging him to send her some money. She
added, by way of postscript: am
40 ashamed of the request have made
in this letter, that I send after the post
man to get it back, but the servant
could not overtake him."
| A YANKEE grocer, being solicited 10
contribute to the building OF new
church, promptly subscribed his name
to the paper in the following manner !;
John Jones Cthe only place In town
where YOU can get eleven pounds OF
good sugar for n dollar,) twenty-five
cents"
A KENTUCKY farmer refused to look at
n sample sewing-machine recently, as he
ALWAYS "sowed wheat by hand. He IS
related to the man who did not want
thrashing machine on his farm; "for, )"
said he, "give me a harness-tug or
barrel.staye and I can make my family
toe the mark according to law ana
Scripter." -,
A UTICA man, whose wife had been Ill
for some time, came down town one day
with face longer than the revised
charter. A friend who met him grasped
him by the hand in fearful sympathy
and murmured. "Oh, when did she
die ?" go, thunder" was the solemn
reply; "she amt dead she's cleaning
| house"
PLEASING are the changes which the
intelligent compositor' can ring upon
sentimental and touching bits OF prose
or poetry. In describing lover gazing
at his loved one, in a despairing way
the novelist wrote He watched the
window till all hope vanished" 1t ap
peared in nice, new, clean-cut italics
"He washed the window-sill with soaI
and varnish.
A PouGHKEEPsIE belle, who sportea