The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-01-04

7
| Deut scher said: 3D., vos reoht In Germ n"
| The defendant did not believe in dutch god |!
| O.. ex.minauiug the copy furnished by the de.
! feudant. it appeared that he had written the
! word Gold. Tue Court thought that gold
dern' curious way TO spell 1T! Verdict OF lury
$50 in favor of the plaiatiff.
hers is another:
Ward, the auction orator, is philanthropic
y urty-v,ry. On Saturday evening last he left
HE front door wide open all night AID his bed
room door ai,r, aud got up evsry hour to make
fires in his stove, and it was red hot, too. de
tried to warm up all out doors, free Vt expense
to the public. He claims credit of keeping the
thermometers around Morris from going ors de-
gree 10 yer than they did!
The ua,ioaaI nuisance, base bal, is about
sbsted:
The Boston B use II Club tchampiousl comes
out with flame" and S4 900 Ia debt.
Madison county, Miss, boasts of the following
named localities which gave large m iHities tor
Grant: Little T-xas, Dark Corner, Ash Pan.
sAsb. Reg Jumping Gully aud Lang Hungry.
Very frequently We hear of peopie having
their heads taken off by cattle ehutes aud bridges
while looking head from the Car windows; but
the latest accident heard Of aud one that result
al ia damage to the r,ilrotd, was that of Mr..
Suively, editor of the Enquirer, at Carliu Vile.
with bis nlsal projection out at q car window,
! when it o,ue in contact with the side of a COW
cred bridge; but nstead of his nose being taken
off, the whole side of the bridg 90 was raked down
Hn "ps~s" hereafter will stipulate that he shall
| indemnify the oWpsny against loss from dam
| age to bridges by his nose.-Iesn Register.
Here is another condemned obituary:
An urehin havirg found cartridge the other
day, rubted it on the stove to see if it Was good
! for any thing. AS his mother knts left-hand.
| mittens FOR him new, it ia generally supposed
| that the cartridge was good one
The Peru SeatiaeI makes the following "sug-
gestion" in the interest Of stock owners in the
city limits:
1t farmers, when feeding their teams in town,
would just hitch both horses the same side, it
would greatly facilitate the loose etock ia town
! in getting their shaie Of the feed THE sugges-
tioa is entirely grntuitous.
We commend this matter to our authorities
The town cove are not protected in proper
! manner; they have hard wosk to keep as fat as
they do. Every farmer who comes to town
should be required to bring in feed far not less
| than ten Of our city pets. In case Of refusal
farmers loads and te ms should be conf seated.
The owaers of some of those cows are
worth but SEQ 600 TO $50 600, and As necessity
their stock must depend upon the charity of tho
farmers.
AColorado man, few days since, turned out
bis horses. tied together with rope to the neck
OF each. Tho next day Que of them came homo
! dragging the head of the other. The last heard
| Of the owner, he was wandering over the prsiris,
! saying he supposed the id Animal WAS dead
somewhere" That is just like some men. They
| always jump at conclusions without Visiting for
| evidence.
The Chicago Post is witty in this wise:
The silent oyster, served in stews, scolloped
| With renorse, fried in frenzy and scrumbs,
! baked, steamed and otherwise abused, is now the
| staple induosmsnt with which charitable church
communities bseuils nimbls quarters from pock.
ets lean or plethoric. The oyster has becoms, in
an humble way, the saddle rock Of faith.
IT, quesr what qualifications are required in
different localities to sntitls ono to enter good
society. Outat Duluth twelve corner lots is the
open sesame; in Cleveland hundred thousand
dollar house, with hundred and City thous sand
dollar mortgage past due, will do it; at Pitts.
burgh two inches Of SCOT and q rolling mill
hereditary in the family makes everything love.
~; at Eric the candidate must owa an organ
factory sad have corner pew in some Rev.
Cream Cheesss church; in Ottawa, in men,
plain, uassrsishsd; in women, vanished chsek.
We have abundant cheek, but are too modest
TO use it, or w should BE- the boss" OF sooisty
here.
The famine stricken editor of the Titusvills
Pres tssriully remsrks:
twenty-five cents each is the price asked for
California pears in town, and yet we sre told
that civiliz stiou advances, and that Providence
| tempers the shorn lamb who cannot raise the
| wind.
Theodore Tiltsn, who is the most nick.
named man in the country, is announced to-day
% 1.-THE soothing syrup Of syntax."
A Jacksonville editor triumphantly sxelams
Man shall not live by bread aone," and then
| ackno wledgss the receipt Of jug of "old
Bourbon"
A paper in the far west says:
The hard times extend even to the Tar west.
| and now the poor Indian complains that none
but bald headed emf grants travel, and the scalp
| business il dull-exce.dngly dull.
An exchange grsvely states:
A neighboring city church sexton wants to
| try and prevent the congregation from shifting
about and changing seats, by dextrously apply.
ing COB of pitch to their persons as they enter
the sanctuary. He says the church i. no place
| to fool around in"
The Lupkin independent relates character.
! istic incident. negro Was put upon the stand
MA q witness md thu ind 70 innmirnd &c I'm ~ dar.