davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

= Courtship is bliss; but marriage is often
blister.
"A singular fact-To-day will be yesterday
tomorrow.
: The best way to destroy the wicked is to
make them good.
= Carpets, though bought by the yard, are
worn out by the foot.
= Compulsory education-forced to learn
trade in the penitentiary.
- Blushing-A practice least used by those
who have most occasion for it.
= Capital punishment is now decided to be
publishing country newspaper.
None are so often in the wrong as those
who pretend to be always in the right.
= Bookkeeping may be taught in q single
lessons of three words: Never lend them.
: 1t is thought that Victor Hugo's forth.
coming poem, "Satan," will be devilish good
thing.
THE school boy who was whipped by the
mistress, and then required to kiss her, declared
it capital punishment
- Absurdity-Anything advanced by our
opponents contrary to our own practice, or
above our comprehension.
- An intelligent chap, who has read the
census reports through, says he finds there are
people who can't wright, but he thinks they
might Telegraph.
A Methodist clergyman in this conference
was recently so deeply impressed with the evil
of chewing tobacco that he gave up the habit,
and went to smoking.
When may young ladies be said to be
economical? When they resort to tight-lacing
to prevent waist-fulness. This is not original,
but it is nevertheless good.
A gentleman being asked if his neighbor's s
dog was hunter, said it was half hunter and
half setter, that he hunted until he found a
bone, and then he sat down 70 eat it.
-"Do you know Brown?" eyes" "What
kind of a man is he?" ooh, tolerable."-
"There are worse men than he is, amt there 2"
dyes; but 1 think they are all in the peni-
tcntiary P
An umbrella has Just been patented that
will shoot any one but the owner We take
that we intend to become the happy posses
sor of one.
- Eve had some advantages that no other
married women ever enjoyed, chief among
which was the fact that her husband could
never accratc her heart by telling chow his
mother used to cook"
- Bad news for the bald-hcaded A physi-
clan has discovered that nearly all persons who
live to be eighty years or over retain thick
head of hair to their deaths, while those who
become bald in middle life seldom live to be
older than sixty-five or seventy.
"A good-natured man was nearly beaten
out of house and home by the constant visits
of his acquaintanccs, when, in despair, he be-
gan to borrow of the rich ones and lend it to
the poor ones, and the result was that he was
soon troubled no longer with either class.
"A German paper thinks women had bet
ter take some politics, because that the further
they keep themselves from politics the more
zealousy do they mix themselves in religious
questions, and introduce into them all the love
and hate Of which their nature is capable
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26
Lager Beer Does Not Intoxicate.
BY JOSHUA BILLINGS, ESQ.

I hav finally cum to the conclusion that lager
beer as a beverage is not intoxicating. :,
I have been told so by German wko said
he had drunk it all mite long, just to try the
experiment, and was obliged To SO home en-
tirely sober in the morning. have seen this
same man drink eighteen glasses, and if ne was
drunk he was drunk in German, and nobody
could understand it. 1t is propes enutf to state
that this man kept lager beer salooa, and
could have no object in stating what was not
strictly thus. ,.,.
believe him to the full exten: of my abili-
ty. I never drank but three glasses OF lager
in my life, and that made my head ontwist as
tho it was hung on the end of s. string, but
was told that it was owing to my bile bein out
of place; and I guess that it was so, for l
never billed over wuss than did when got
home that mite My wife thort was gong to
die, and I was afraid that 1 should, for it
seemed as tho everything had ever eaten in
nv life was cummin to the surface and be-
lieve that if my wife hadn't pulled off my boots
lust as she did, they would have cum thunder
ing too.
taste it Low.
never had so much experience in so short
time.
If any man shud tell me that lager beer was
not Intoxicating, / shud believe him; but if he
shud tell me that wuzn't drunk that mite, but
that my stumick was out of order, shud ask
him to state over few words, jist how man
felt and acted when he was set up.
If I warnt drunk that nite had sum ov the
most natural simtums that q man ever had
and kept sober.
LII the first place it was about 80 rods from
where drank the lager beer to mi house, and
wuz Jest over two hours or the road, and had
hole busted through each one of my panta-
loon neez, and didn't hav any hat, and tried to
open the door by the bell-pull, and hiccupped
awfully, and saw everything in the room trying
to get round. on the back side of me, and in
sitting down on a chair, did not wait long
enough for it to get exactly under me when it
wuz going round, and set down little too
soon and missed the chair about IL inches and
couldn't get up soon enough to take the aext
one that come along And that amt awl; mi
wife sed wuz as drunk as beast, and, rs
sed before, 1 began to spit up things freely
If lager beer is not intoxicating it useo me
most almighty mean, know.
Still hardly think that lager beer is in5ox
icating, for l have been told SO; and am
probably the only man living who ever drunk
emmy when his liver was not plumb.
/ don't want to say ennything against a
harmless temperance beverage, but if ever
drink emmy more, it will be with mi hands tied
behind me and mi mouth pried open.
don't think lager beer is intoxicating, but
if remember rite, I think it tastes to me like
glass of soap-suds that pickle had been put
TO soak in.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

DARING ATTEMPT TO WRECK A PASSENGER
TRAIN.-Some fiend in human shape, yester-
day, placed cross-tie across the track of the
Greenvilc and Columbia Railroad, at point
between Pomaria and Hope Station, where the
embankment is very high, which was discov-
cred by the vigilant engineer of the down
passenger train (whosc name we regret has not
been furnished us) in time to save the happen
ing of what could not have terminated other
wise than in terrible disaster. What the
object was that prompted to this diabolical act
cannot be imagined. Besides the regular
passengers were the Masonic and some mem
bers of the other committees that had been
in attendance upon the funeral ceremonies of
the late Minister Orr, at Anderson 1t is to
be hoped the person who laid the plot may be
discovered and properly punished MiOn-
Herald, 20th inst.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

The DEMocRATIC PARTY.--The New York
World justly ridicules the persons who predict
speedy dissolution of the Democratic party.
It says: DIN any rational estimate of political
strength or public opinion, we must consiler
the opinion of the enlightened, educated clas-
ses. The negro votes must be counted, but it
Is absurd to weigh them. 1t is an incontesa-
BILE fact that majority of the white citizens
of the United States are Democrats. The re-
turns of the last Presidential election prove t..
The negro vote of the country is considerably
larger than Grants popular majority and if
the disgusted Democrats who sullcnly refused
to support Mr.. Greeley had come to the polls,
the result Of the white vote would have been
still more striking and instructive. To say
that political party which has the confidence
of majority of the white voters is irredeema-
bly, unpopular, and has fallen 50 low that It
can never expect to rise, is silly extravaganza
which Democrats laugh to scorn."
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

The THREE RICHEST MEN IN THE UNITED
SrATEs.-They are William B. Astor, Alexan'
der r. Stewart, and Cornelius, or "Commo-
dore," Vanderbilt-all residing in New York
kstors wealth is mainly in real estate and it's
revenues Vanderbilt's mainly in railroad,
stocks and their dividends; Stewards is IN.
goods houses, stores, factories, lands and stocks
The aggregate wealth of each of them is sup
posed to be somewhere between seyenty-tlve
and hundred millions, which looks rather
heavy. Nobody knows exactly they couldn't
tell themselves within million or two. Those
who know most about their affairs put their
figures highest, and say that the income tax
returns of few years ago, which showed each
of them to be worth between twenty and thirty
millions, gave no proper idea of their real
wealth Astor lives unostentatiously Van
nerbilt lives in three-story brick house on
third-class street and Stewart lives in mar
BILE palace on Fifth Avenue, more magnificent
than any other residence on the American con-
tinent and equaled by but few in any of the
great cities of Europe. Astor and Vanderbilt
are New Workers by birth; Stewart is native
of the north of Ireland. Astor is large,
heavy man of seventy, with strong features
and a rubicund face, indicative of high living;
Stewart is medium-sized man, rather slender
and TALL of seventy-three, with face like
parchment, and gives the impression OF being
hard up; Vanderbilt is tall, slim, handsome,
proud-fooking man of nearly eighty, and
straight as an arrow; Astor has heirs to his
estates; Vanderbilt has children to whom he
can leave his fortune; but Stewart is childless.
Astor's public benefactions are confined to
something like couple of hundred thousand
dollars, which he gave to the Astor Library,
and the two golden candle-sticks, nine feet
high, which he recently gave to Trinity
Church. Vanderbilt has never made any pub
lie benefactions, excepting q steamship to the
when % n he gave million of dollars for educa:
tional purposes-one-half of this sum to found
a University in Tennessee and the other half
to another educational institution. Stewart
has always had the reputation of being very
close-fsted; but he must be credited with his
million dollar "Home for Women" which will
be completed next year. Astor is rigorous
Episcopalian, Vanderbilt is an Independent
Methodist, and Stewart is said 10 be inclined
to think for himself. Stewart is scholarly
man; Vanderbilt is not. Astor is an accom-
plished man of the world.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

SOUTHERN BAPTIST THEOLOGICAL SIENNA
RY.-About fourteen years ago, the above in
stitution was organized in Greenville, South
Carolina and now that the Baptists of the
South have decided to remove the Seminary
and establish it on much broader basis in
this city, it will be pleasing to the numerous
friends of the institution to know how it ranks
among other similar institutions. The follow
ing merted compliment is from the Watcltanan
and Reflector, of Boston:
"The Southern Baptist Convention, just held
at Mobile, unanimously approved of the re-.
moval of the Southern Baptist Theological
Seminary, now located in Greenville, S. c., to
Louisville, KY. The condition of its going to
the latter place is that Kentucky shall raise
for it S3O0,000, of which amount Louisville
shall raise one-third, and the other Southern
States 100000 more, making total of half a
million. The Convention couples its recon-
mendation with the condition that, in case the
sum of 100000 is not raised in Kentucky, the
Board shall have the right to use the amount
contributed outside of Kentucky for some other
location. The changed condition of affairs in
South Carolina necessitates the removal of the
Seminary. If Kentucky gets it, she will draw
prize. No theological seminary in the
world has q curriculum more carefully ad-
iusted to all the needs of theological students,
nor corps of abler and more earnest instruc-
tors"
1t may be observed that the course of study
in the Seminary-adapting its instructions to
pupils of every grade of learning-was nov
city when it was first established. Since that
time, the same principle has been adopted by
several theological seminaries, both in Ameri-
ca and Europe 1t is pleasing to know that
DR.. J. P. Boyce, the indefatigable agent OF the
Seminary is succeeding nobly in his efforts to
raise the required endowment.-LouisuiAe C0u-
rier-Jounal
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

| THE LOCAL EDIToR.-The following article
has been borrowed by nearly all the newspa-
pers of the country, and now it is our time. We
don't know where it originated, but we know it
is worthy of being kept before the people,
eff man buys hew buggy, or if his COW
can bawl three times without winking, the To-
cal is expected to proclaim it with grand
flourish If he starts a two-penny business,
his first thought is to bribe the loca( with a
| five-cent drink to write up five dollar puff.
Indeed, he thinks it is mission of the local to
make his fortune for him by free blowing He
will take the local to one side and point out
the superior qualities of rat-tarrier-dog, and
coolly ask him to give him hoist He don't
care anything about it, only Spriggins has a
dog which he thinks is buster, and some of
'em wanted his put in just to take the conceit
out of Spriggins.' Everybody wants to be put
in they are the GREAT AM but no one
says, Here, local, put yourself inside Of this
new suit of clothes, or throw yourself outside
this oyster stew, or stuff this watch into your
pocket Oh, no, of course not; that would
cost something. The shoe is on the other foot,
you see. The local is supposed to know every
thing about other peoples business, and is ex-
pected to show up all the actors in every fami,
ly broil in town. If the vile tongue of scandal
about with his noEe- book and gather up the
vituperative bits of SANDER for his paper. If he
steps into billiard hall, he is requested to
make note of the astonishing fact, that Bill
Tompkins has made a run of eleven points.
When the minstrel troop arrives in town, the
agent Immediately rushes into the printing Of
fee, and calling for the local. he slips three or
four tickets in his hand, and whispers, Draw
us big house! Put it in strong and patting
him patronizingly on the shoulder the agent
admits the inferiority of the troupe, but we are
not to let on 1t is no sin for the local to le
To please the lecturer the local is forced to sit
two mortal hours to hear him through an in
sipid discourse so that he can write him up.
And so he goes. All are anxious to appear
favorable in print, but few are willing to pay
for it! The locals time is worth nothing, but
to bother his head writing pufs for ambitious
persons. 1t don't cost him anything to live
He never eats, or drinks or travels, money is
of no use to him. Put it in 4! Put it in!"
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26
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The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

To DESTROY THE CoTToN WoRM-On the
first day of the session at Indianapolis, Prof
Chas " Riley, State Entomologist of Missouri,
read short paper ip reference to the cotton
worm of the South and its destruction. He
said that it had not been his good fortune to
experiment in the cotton field, but from its
success in ridding the Northwest Of the Colo
RADIO potato bug, and his experience in the de-
struction of pestiferous insects generally, he
would without hesitation recommend the use
of Paris Green, fully believing that at trif1ing
cost-not exceeding thirty or forty cents per
acre-the cotton could be saved and future
ravages be prevented.
He said it was singular, in view of the fact
that the damages from this worm had reached
so much as twenty millions of dollars in a
single week, that no legislative action had been
taken for the appointment of commission to
examine as to the nature and habits of this
insect, and to devise means for its destruction.
Our Legislators, to save an expense of four or
FIVE thousand dollars per year for the employ
ment of an officer to watch the interests of the
people, and to guard them against the depreda-
tions of insect foes, have permitted the sacrifice
of crops to the amount of many millions.
In using the Paris Green, which is poison,
mix thoroughly with cheap flour, in proportion
Of one part of Green to twenty five or thirty
Of flour Put the preparation in a bag of thin
material or in perforated tin box, and attach
to the end of pole eight or ten feet in length.
Holding this in one hand, pass it along over
the row, tapping the rod gently, and taking
care that the wind shall blow away from you
Apply when the dew is upon the plant and the
least particle of the dust will have the desired
effect. Used in this way it is perfectly safe,
and we earnestly urge trial and report
american Farmers Aduocatc.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26
. There is little railroad in Louisiana that

There is little railroad in Louisiana that
runs from one part of the State to another on
a very uncertain schedule. A stranger inquired
how often trains made trips to a certain town.
ship. The clerk interrogated said, 'Tri-week-
ly" "What do you mean by 'tri-weeklyw
The answer was, "It goes up one week and
tries to come down the next"
"A skeptic who was trying to confuse a
colored man by the contradictory passage in
the Bible, asked how it could be that we were
in the Spirit, and the Spirit in us, received the
reply: ooh dar's no puzzle bout dat, it's
like dat poker; put it in de fire till it gets
red hot-now de poker's in de fire, and de fire
is in the poker" A profound theologian could
not have made better reply.
In Mississippi the negro BARRIERS are in a
quandary. If they shave their negro brethren
they lose their white customers, and yet if they
refuse to shave them they are brought before a
negro justice and fined. So in his desperation
the other day one of them shampooned negro
with carbolic acid, and in consequence his
stock in trade fell sacrifice to the wrath of
the indignant negro.
There is youth living in Alexandria,
Virginia, who is about to proceed to Boston
for the purpose of starting from Bunker Hill
on tour through the Northern States, carry
ing the Confederate flag unfurled. His friends
had better put him in straight jacket and
send him to lunatic asylum. If they do not
they may have to pick him up with cracked
head, for New England has some "mighty un-
certain people"
= The Detroit Free Press says: ga farmer
went out of a store in that city the other day,
leaving his dog behind, and the clerks got an
oyster can and string, and thought they would
have some fun. The dog smelt snuff, and,
after taking mutton chop out of one mans
leg, went through ten dollar pane of glass
with extraordinary facility. The clerks figure
Four clerks into ten dollars worth of glass,
twenty shillings EACH"
- Religion naturally tends to all that is
great, worthy, friendly, generous, and noble
and the true spirit of it not only composes,
but cheers the soul. Though it banishes all
levity of behavior, all vicious and dissolute
mirth, yet in change it fills the mind with a
perpetual serenity and uninterrupted pleasure.
The contemplation of Divine mercy and power,
and the exercise of virtue, are in their own
nature SO far from excluding all gladness OF
heart, that they are the principal and constant
sources of it.
There is no rest for the weary-another
synonym for the editorial fraternity. The
| nercnanG Cne Danker, Cne PROFESSIONAL man
may take his annual tour to more frigid re-
gions, but the editor remains at his post. The
endless succession of current events must be
faithfully chronicled. The opinions of the
people must be consulted, their interests
watched, and the shifting scenes in the drama
of life duly recorded and criticised forever and
ever. There is but one perpetual motion ye
discovered; it is attained by the quill of the
journalist, and only ceases when the machinery
that moves it is worn out.
The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-06-26

CHANGING CLoTHING.-Health and some
times life itself is often lost by laying aside
winter clothing too early. Laying fannels
aside in the spring is most pernicious prac-
tice. They are as necessary in July as in
January. We can better do without woolens
next the skin in mid-wjnter than in mid-sum-
mer. We do not get overheated in winter we
do in summer; aud the most frequent exciting
cause of coughs, colds, and consumption is a
rapid falling Of the temperature of that body.
All are familiar with the fact that a sudden
checking of perspiration is always dangerous (;
very little exercise causes us to perspire in sum-
mer, and very slight of air checks the perspi-
ration hence, eminent French physicians have
stated, that colds taken in summer excite the
most incurable forms of consumption. White
wooden flannel is most efficient guard against
these sudden changes, because it keeps the heat
of the body in, while it repels the excessive
heat from without; it conveys the water of per-
spiration to its outside, while the surface next
the skin is drier We all know that silk, cot
ton, and linen next the skin get saturated with
water, and if for an instant, the slightest draft
of air gets between the skin and the material,
there is q charnel-like chill when that material
touches the skim The rule should be to wear
white woolen flannel next the skin all the year
round thick in winter, a little thinner in April,
a cause material on the first day of July; on
the first of October resume what was laid aside
in July; on the first of December put on the
thickest extending to ankles and wrists. These
rules of changes are especially necessary to all
people, to all invalids and young children day
iaborers and ali outdoor workers would be in
calculably benefited by the same observances.
-HalPs Journal of Health.