The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1873-10-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

"ARE you not afraid that whiskyIl get
into your head 7" "No," said the Old
topper, "this liquor is too weak to climb.
DEAN SWIFT says 1T is with mar
row-souled people ~ il il with narrow
necked bottles the less they have in
them the more noise they make in pouring
il out"
'MAssA CHRIsToPHER COLUMBUS was 4
queer man, said negro orator "a no
ton crossed him one day, and then he
crossed an ocean"
JOSH BILLINGS says There IL one
thing about hen that looks like wisdom
they don't kackle much until after they
have laid their egg. Sum pholks are
alwuz Dragging and a-kackling what they
are going tew do beforehand"
YOUNG money broker, having married
q fat old widow worth 500, 900, said it
wasn't his wifs's face that attracted him
80 much as the figure
A ScorcH boy interrogAted his mother
as follows ''Mither, will we hae tea tae
our breakfast the morn r. "Ay, lAddie, il
we're spared" "And if we're no spared,
mither, will we only hae porritch 7"
MOTHER, this book tells about the
angry waves of the ocean. What makes
the ocean get angry r. Because it has
been crossed 50 often, my son. said the
mother.
IT is a noble and great thing to cover
the blemishes and to excuse the failings Of
friend to draw q curtain before his
stains, and to display his projections to
bury his weakness in silence, but to pro-
claim his virtues upon the housetop.
A SENTRY challenged an Irishman for
intruding on the encampmenr grounds.
''Who are you 2" said Pat "I'm the Off
Ger Of the day." was the reply. "Then,
by the powers, what are you doing here at
night ut all at all N
A PHILOSOPHER says "Have any
wounded you with injuries, meet them
with patience. Hasty words rankle the
wound, kindness dresses it, forgiveness
cures it, and oblivion takes away the scar
II this process doesn't succeed, then try
the effect Of silent contempt, and bung
both his eyes, bust his snoot, and kick
him from under his hat"
Two Titusville, Pa, lawyers entered
into a solemn compact not to drink intoXi-
eating liquors for year except when out
duck-shooting, under the forfeit Of 800.
One Of them quenches his thirst without
losing the ducats by keeping ducb in his
back yard to fire at when he il dry. and
the other has invested in one also
one Of Coughs stories was neat hit
at those dilstory people who are always be-
hind time. Some one said to a person of
this class 81 see that you belong to the
three-handed people Three handed
that's rather uncommon, isn't il ~ ''Oh,
no, common enough-two hands like other
people-and a lestle behind hand =
A. LARNAN's GRAcE-A young mar
ried friend tells the following good Joke
on himself, perpetrated by little three
year-old pride Of the family. She il the
Only pledge Of love that has twined itself
around the hearts Of himself and wife A
few evenings since a minister visited the
family and remained until after tea At
the table the reverend visitor asked the
blessing, and the little one opened her
eyes to the fullest capacity in startled won
derment She could not understand what
had been done, and it was with great per
suasion that her mother could keep her
quiet during the time they were at the
table. When they left it she went up to
the minister, for whom she had formed a
great friendship, and said "What did
you say at the table before we commenced
eating r. MY little darling, | thanked
God for His goodness in giving rs food t.
eat, so that We might grow and be strong"
Papa don't say that y ''What does your
papa sayf Papa says, Bah, Jemimah,
what beastly bad supper tonight |