The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1873-04-11
scrssoRrNes.

"a paper of pins.
A New York convict can be fed for
twenty-one cents day.
Philadelphia millionaire of third
importance is butcher.
Single sleighs rented as high as $40
in New York, New Years Day.
A New Hampshire lady has just
died from the scratch of a kitten.
Sixty-fve tons of beets are turned
into sugar daily in an Illinois town.
Italy is full of lawyers, but only
about 1000 of them make over 5000
yearly.
Why is merchant like lawyerP
Because they both depend upon their
bargains.
A blacksmith cannot only shoe a
horse himself, but he can make a
horse shoe.
Why is philanthropist like an old
horse? Because he always stops at
the sound ofwoe.
Mr.. Hughey, of Eddyville, KY,
has his seventh wife without having
to commit bigamy.
1t is one of the curiosities of natural
history that horse eats best when
he has no bits in his mouth.
A lad crawled into a sugar hogs
head, and his first exclamation was
"Oh, for thousand tongues!''
Wisconsin husbands who absent
themselves from home seven years
are to be considered legallydead.
What do you expect to see reflect
ed in your inanimate's eyes? Your
self, if she is good looking-lass.
The bowels of the earth have been
moved in Minnesota by the discovery
of mine of EPSON salts" there.
Apple-tritters containing gifts of
jewelry are the latest inducements
held out by Kentucky restauranteurs.
Acolored jury in Mississippireeently
found verdict that "the deceased
butted his brains out against a tree
while intoxicated
A druggist in New Hampshire
threatens the local paper with suit
for putting an ''i" instead of an ga"
in his advertisement of grape pills.
A Tennessee hunter recently killed
five wild turkeys at a single shot re-
Gently, and got away with them be-
fore the owner missed them from the
roost.
A faithful minister of our acquaint-
ance, prayed on Sunday last, ''for
absent members who were prostrated
on beds of sickness and chairs of we'll
ness.
We tender our thanks to the author
of San owde to Tom Kat" and re-
spectfully decline publishing the same
as we have too much feline for that
race.
"My friend don't you know that it
is very dangerous to take nap while
the train is in motion?" "Why now
exclaimed the astonished individual
waking up. "Why so?" because the
train runs over sleepers.' .
There is a religious at sect Bristol,
Vt, who wash each others feet.
There is also sect at Washington
who whitewash each others reputa-
ton, but it isn't a very. religious
sect.-N. Y. Com. Adv.
A negro on the S. r. &. D. r. R.,
attempted to transmit a message
through the telegraph wire, by catch
ing it in his teeth while the train was
in rapid motion. His mouth now
reaches from ear to ear.
4 countryman recently came to the
city to purchase an article of household
necessity, and in visiting a music
store observed on sign, "All sorts
of wind instruments for sale here"
He forthwith stepped in and asked
for pair Of belloaos.
A suffering broker in New York
lately asked another, who had bald
pate, why his head was like h-hash
in b. boarding house. The DISCUS
ted friend, on admitting that he
didn't know, was informed that twas
because th-there's h-hair h-h-here
and th-there.
A Wathena man who had only been
acquainted with his girl two nights,
attempted to kiss her at the gate. |
In his dying deposition he told the
doctor that just as he "kissed her the
earth slid from under his feet, and
his soul went out of his mouth, and
his head touched the stars" Later
dispatches show what allied him was
the old mans boot.