The Portland daily press., 1873-11-24
THE PR ESS.
MONDAY MORNING, NOV. "a. 1878.
Gossip and Gleanings.

MONDAY MORNING, NOV. "a. 1873.
Gossip and Gleanings.
An oyster leads placid life until he gets
into stew.
Salt lake epicures pay 81 so a dozen for
oysters. 1t seems high price, but then ihey
get flavor that can only be gained by age.
1t is always we'll to bear all ordinary troub-
les with composure, but when a mans sup
ply of gas is cut off it can't be done. That's
a trouble which it is impossible to make light
Of
In struggling to make a dull-brained boy
understand what conscience is, a teacher
asked: "What makes you feel uncomfortable
after you have done wroDg?' "My papa's
big leather strap" feelingly replied the boy.
The laying of the cornerstone of the new
capitol of Iowa, the other day, inaugurated
new era in public occasions. No speeches
were made except few remarks by work
man who got his fingers pinched, and they
were brief and to the point.
An inquisitive citizen writes to one OF the
ST. Louis papers inquiring why the committee
on art at the late fair happened to award the
first premium for fruit in water colors to an
oil painting. 1t is question concerning
which a mild curiosity would seem entirely
justifable.
Aprofessor, in explaining to class of young
ladies the theory according to which the body
is entirely renewed every seven years, said:
"Thus Miss B.. in seven years you will really
no longer be Miss b. 81 really hope
shan't," demurely responded the girl, casting
down her eyes.
"My hoe hangs silently on the wall.
My spade Is hushed and still;
hear the cooling of the calf,
Aud his voice my heart doth thrill
The pumpkin sings it's merry lay,
Its voice is silver sweet;
dream Of taters lhrou ,h the day.
And hear the song Of the beet"
'India, my boy" said an Irish officer to
friend on his arrival at Calcutta, ''is the fin
est climate uLder the sun; but a lot of young
fellows come out here, and they drink and
they die; and then they write home to their
parents pack of lies, and say it's the climate
as has killed them.''
A wester paper tells the story Of a country
woman who made her first attempt to get in
tine Court House through the patent back
action gate. She opened the gate, went
through, az she supposed, and shut herself
out on the same side seven times; ard then
calculating ''merciful sakes," climbed over
the fence.
Mr., Tupper has lately been giving readings
in Scotland, and we suppose he will next be
heard from as about to read in this country.
Tupper was once we'll known to an afflicted
world as the proverbiage philosopher, or
something of that sort.
Aunt Ethel-But when his brethren next
saw Joseph, they found him iu position of
great authority and power.
Alice-Was he King, aunt Ethel?
Aunt Ethel--No. But ne was very high
nearly next to the King.
Alice (who is fond ofcards)---Was he a
Knave, then?
Says the Detroit Free Press: "In the Po-
lice Court the other day, when a man was
about to be tried for assault ard battery, he
brought forward his boy. ten years old. as a
witness. The Justice asked the lad if he
knew the nature of an oath, and the boy said
his father had explained it. s'What did he
say?" asked the Justice, "He said" replied
the boy, THAT if didn' swear that the 9th
er fellow struck first he'd tan the whole hid
off my back" He wasn't used on the stand.'
In former times the government allowance
given to the widows of Scotch ,lergymen Wa
nearly equal to the clergymen's stipends. A
minister of Cranshaws, parish among th'
Lammermoors, having wooed lass in hum
bic circumstances, the father Of the damsel
when consulted on the subject, said: ''Tak
i'm, Jenny, taxi i'm; he's as guild dead a
| leeven'."