The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1873-05-15
PUTTING CP A STOVE.
Nobody but Married Naa Can Do
II Well.

Nobody but a Married Man Can DO
II Well.
From ths Danlury News.
Putting mp a stove is not 50 difficult
in i'se'f. +. is ,he pipe that raises
fur fifths Of the mischief aud ali tue
du=s. You may take down a stove
with all the care in the world, aud
have your wife put away tie pipe in IL
secure place aud ye, ,ha pipe won t
comr together again as Ii WIS bcior..
You fad this out when you are ,ts,uG.
ing Oh chair with your arms iu;i f
pipe and your mouth ,uiI oi SCOT.
Your wife is standing On the Aoor in
po.ition that enables her to see yua,
the pipe and the chair, and here size
gives utterance to those rc,.,a!ks .h,,
are calculated to hasten mau into
the extremes Of insanity Her .ir,.ss
is pinned over her waist, and her
hands rest on her hips. She has 90,
one of your hats on her head. your lin
en- coat on her back, aud pair Of
your rubbers on her feet. There is
about five ceuts worth of po: black on
her nose and a lot of -four on her cha,
aud altogether she is spectacle that
would inspire dead mau with dis
trust. Aud while you are up there
trying to circuDvent the awful con-
teariness Of the pipe, aud telling her
that you know some fool has been
mixing it, she stands safely on the floor
and bombards you with such domestic
notices as: whats the use of swear
ing so?" you know no one has
touched that pipe" "You 'aint got
sny more patience than child" '..Do
be careful of that chair" And then
she goes off aud reappears with an
armtul OF more pipe. and before you are
aware Of it she has got that pipe so
horribly mixed mp that it does seem
no two pieces are alike. Yon join the
ends and work them to and fro, aud
take them apart and look at them.
Then you spread one out and jam the
other together, and mount them once
more. But it isn go. You begin 10
think the pieces are insri1ed With life,
and ache to kick them through the
window. But she doesn't lose her pa.
tieuce. She goes around with that
awiu!ly exasperating rigging on, with
a length Of pipe under each arm, and a
loug handled broom in her hand, and
says she don't see how it is some peo.
pie never have any trouble putting up
a stove. Then you miss the hammer.
You don't see it anywhere. You stare
intoathe pipe, and along the mantle.
and down on the stove. end off to the
floor. Your wife watches you intent
ly, and is finally thoughtful enough
to inquire what you are looking after,
and On learning pulls the article from
her pocket. Then you feel as if ycu
could 90 out doors and swear hcle
twelve feet square through block of
brick buildings, but she merely ob-
serves, "Why on earth don't you speak
when youtwaut anything, and not stare
around like dummy.' Wheo that
part of the r:rc which goes throu.h h
the wall is up, she keeps it up with her
broom. while you are making the con-
neetion, aud stares at it with an i7te,.
Slty that is entirely uncalled for. Al
he while your position is becoming
more and more interesting. The pipe
don't go together, of course. The soot
shakes down into your eyes and mouth.
the sweat rolls down your face and
tickies your chin as it drops IF. and i,
seems as il your arms We're s!owly i.u,
surely drawing ont of tEe,r so.:kpr<.
Here your wife comes the rA>cu" by
inquiriny if you are going to b. ali
day doing nothing. and ii you ia TX
her arms are made Of Cast iru. and
the n the broom slips off the pipe l..
her endeavor to recover her hold she
jabs you under the chin wirh 1h, han
die, and the pipe comes down on your
head with Its load Of fried SCOT. a.a
then he chair tits forward ennu.h %
discharge your feet. and you come
down on the wron. end Of that chair
with force that would bankrupt j,
pile driver. You leave y,,r ", .-x
an,inins the chair and b b.n,.n.,r -.
injuries, and 90 into the kitchen and
wash your skinned and bleeding hands
with yellow soap Then you 80 down
street after man to do the business,
and your wife goes over to the neigh
hors with her chair, and tells them a Il
aboul its injuries, and drains the
nei=hbor-hood dry Of sympathy long
before you get home.