The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1873-01-17
VARIETIES.

broiI.
TIE worst thing ''under the canopy
"A mosquito.
"Boors blaeked inside is not a
good inscription for sign
WHEN is the weather most like a
crockery shop? When it's muggy.
THE latest definition of a gentleman
is ga man who can put on clean collar
without being conspicuous.
OLD lady: "I see you recover UNI
breIlas." Shopman: Eyes. MN, lots
of 'em." Old lady: 81 want the one
lost last Monday"
One style of bonnet is called the
q 'Mansard," because it takes great
deal of "man's hard" earnings to pay
for one of 'em.
"I WANT to know" said a creditor,
fiercely, "when you are going to pay
me what you owe me? ?" When I'm
going to payH "why, you're pretty
fellow Do you take me for prophet ?
ONE day when Mrs. Partington heard
the minister say there would be a nave
in the new church, she observed that
she q knew who the party was"
A sACRm1G1oUs thief stole all the
chairs at a Methodist church In Charles
ton, S. O., and the exploit has become
the " standing joke of the oongrega-
tion.
AN old lady was admiring the beauti-
fuI picture called Saved" Its no
wonder" " said she, g that the poor child
tainted after pulling that great dog out
of the water"
AN English traveller says: Put an
American baby six months old on his
feet, and it will Immediately say, Mr..
Chairman, and call the next cradle to
order"
A MAN advertises for competent per
son to undertake the sale of a new med
icine, and adds that '' it will prove high
" lucrative to the undertaken p
There's one thing, said gentleman
at a race, ''that nobody can beat, and
that is time" "Fudge p exclaimed
bystander, ''every drummer in the land
beats time %
A DOCTOR, like everybody else at this
season, went out for days sport, and
complained of having killed nothing.
" That's the consequence of having neg
Iected your business" observed his
wife.
ELEGANT people will in the future de
sist from describing suddenly cold
weather as cold snap" or a "cold
so IL" The proper English for the oc-
casion is that we are experiencing q 'PO-
lar wave.
4 MEDDLEsoNIE man, who was watch
ing his wife bake pies, stepped with his
bare foot on a warm stove lid, and then
stepped up in the air few PAGES, and
has gone west.
A SALOON keeper having started busi-
ness in a building where trunks had
been made, asked friend what he had
better do with the old sign-"Trunk
Factory. " g Oh, said the friend, "just
change the T to D, and it will suit you
exactly"
"Is Pat Flanagan on board this ship?
roared Nelson during a lull in the firing
at the battle of the Nile. I'm here,
my lord, - said Erin's son, showing him
self on deck. "Then, said the gallant
Nelson, looking satisfied, "let the bat
tie proceed" That story is Pats.
Mrs. G.: s'I really must give cook
warning, Charles. She does use such
very bad words" Mr.. g.: Really,
dear What sort of words are they?"
Mrs. G.: ooh, well the same as you
use.
LOST WEALTH may be restored by in
dustry, the wreck of health regained
by temperance, forgotten knowledge
restored by study, alienated friendship
smoothed into forgetfulness, even for
feited reputation recovered by peni-
tence: but who has ever again looked
mo his vanished hours, recalled his
slighted years, stamped them with Wis
dom, or effaced from heavens record
the fearful blot of wasted time?
MANY stories are told IN Norfolk coun-
| ty of Tom Smith, jr,, very ignorant
man. who made his money distilling gin
| and used to be called in consequence
Tom Smith Juniper. Thinking to bet
ter his standing in society he joined the
church and took active part in the pray
er-meetings, always going in full dress,
with light kids on his brawny hands,
and one occasion praying with many
gestures to the great and diabolicai
Jehovah" Once IN speaking of pray
er-meeting held in a drinking-saloon,
he said, "Can any good come out of
Lazarus? Come and see" At another
time he said, "You all remember David
| who was cast into den of roaring lions
| and came out unscratched."
4 GREAT M TURALIST.
| From all that can be gathered respect
A. Al h.