Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1873-11-13
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A Modern Convenience.

"Aleph Il. Gimmel" relates in 4 late
issue of the Philadelphia Sunday Dis
patch his marvellous experience with a
district telegraph box, that his wife had
coaxed him into purchasing. He says ::
The Modern Convenience came to
hand. ut was put up in my absence.
Mrs. Gimmel had fathomcd its myste-
RE. to the lowest depths, aud she ex-
planned them TO me, how to push lit
tie white handle To the lett and pull a
ring, when a messenger would pop up
out Of the floor thrust it to the left,
give the ring a tug and policeman
comes rafting down the chimney jerk
ut the rln. AS If YOU wanted 4 shower
bath, and the fire department would
come locomotive speed for our domi-
Gle, supposed to be in flames. On the
second day Of the domestication of the
Latest Modern Convenience in our
abode, my iirst-born summoned four
messengers. That inquisitive boy went
s1pperless 10 bed on the eventful day.
HIS mother paid the messengers, and
economized by savin. the childs even
ing meal. But the crowning triumph
Of the convenience was TO come, and
1t came on dark, rainy night. was
sleeping the sleep of innocence, when
Mrs. u. aroused me with the old news
that there were robbers trying to get
into the house. Having received this
Information so often, in the still
watches Of night, | di5regarded it. and
dozed on but only to be jostled again
by my wife. who was wrought up TO a
high degree of excitement. She in
sisted upon nv hardening. | harkened.
| did hear a noise Of some kind and
proposed to investigate.
"Oh, don't" screamed Mrs. G..
you'll be killed Think of Foster
Probst. I'll save you, Gimmell I'll
save Us both from the blood-thirsty
wretches - Sac rushed to her telegraph
box and pushed and pulled. "Pshaw !"
said she, Il bave made a mistake !"
and she pushed and pulled some more.
"Oh, dear" she cried pettishly, IL
was right at first" Then there was q
noise in the back yard again. Then
my wife tugged with might and main,
screaming bystericallv the while.
Now, you see, Aleph-what jew
ell OF wife you have got! Our Latest
Modern Convenience-will save our
lives-the life of our precious child !"
Here there was terrific ringing at
our door bell.
run down. Gimmel It's the need
ed succor !" said my wife.
obcyed. No sooner had l opened
the door than policeman grasped me.
"Ah! You are the burglar, are you?
New dodge, eh !! Rugged up in night.
shirt with a candle in your hand Cum
ming lady but l am too old bird to
be caught with such chaff!"
He shook my night garment as
though it concealed burglars in every
stitch, and was about to drag me out
OF my own house-out into the rain
when three dripping, sturdy boys came
trudging over the household; followed
by more hurryiRg men.
'We be the messengers, sir !" bawl-
ed all three in chorus.
II brought doctor!" said the first.
she is coming UP the steps,"
~ fetched a midwife !" screamed the
second.
81 want to know as to where am to
CO.? beloved the third.
And while l stared in speechless
wonder, fifth lunatic came tearing up
the steps with metallic knapsack on
his back and hose and pipe in his
hand.
''Tell me where's the fre?" said
he. Then snufflng the air he shouted !:
Il smell it here" burst open the par
lor door, and played a stream Of stale
soda water on the piano from his KNAPP
sack.
The policeman began to regard me
with speechless wonder, and would have
demanded an explanation or an apollo
gy, had not more policemen arrived
with handouts and revolvers. My
neighbors to the right and left of me
came in armed with bedposts, in the
hurry of alarm wrenched off. Four
men who dwell across the street came
with shot guns. base ball clubs, billiard
cues and feather-brush and 80
heightened the din, a steam.fire engine
came thuLdering up to the door,