The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1873-07-31

remlHQeO OF my IlouO OnakSpear6. he
has imnortalized them. In KING LEAR
he says:
"Get thee glass eyes
And, like the sourvy politician, seem
To see the things thou dost not
But there is dialogue in Hamlet which
suits to nicsty. And thus it runs.
Rans-Do you see yonder cloud, that's almost
in the shape Of = camel?
POt-By the mass, ane tits like q camel indeed.
Ham, Methinks il is like a weasel.
PoL-It Is backed like weasel.
Hdnl-Or like whale.
POL-Very like whale
Now the "Pol," of the dialogue is an
ingenious abbIeviation of the politician
of the period. For Polonius, though
Lord Chamberlain, was first class poll
tician. And evidently understood his
business That is to say he was "up in
his parts for the times in which he lived.
or conrIe he was not Republican poll
Uician q should have said politician in a
Republic, but no otfsnse was intended)
Neither was he Democratic politician.
He was simply politician in Denmark
And, considering the dark age in which
he lived, I think he was a pretty good
specimen brick" In these enlightened
times, and IN this glorious country" we
develope more interesting types Of the
qeSliLS Politics, as a science. was then in
ITS infancy 1t hadn't got its eye teeth
cut. 1t was IN bllssful ignorance of mod
ern Improvements" and grants. and COM
missloners, and perquisltes, and Credit
MobilieIs, and rings and things. Now,
how different. With focus at Washing
ton, its ramifications reach from pole 10
pole And its VoEe- aries explore the poles
at every election. Indeed polar erpLorG-
tons" are the chief ambition Of your
modern politician. He is in search of
"open seas" and whatever he sees 'open"
he seIzes. He loves his country dearly.
And dearly does his country love him
He Is willing (for consideration to serve
his country In almost any capacity. If
he can't make himself useful as a Senator
he is willing to be sacrificed on the altar
of a first class foreign mission. He Is a
self-sacri6cing missionary. Whenever
Uncle Samuel tenders his "kjnd Offices" to
him heinvariably accepts. Being a cuss
himself he takes naturally to cGHeaIsSes.
And is eaucussing everybody in whose
button hole he can insert finger. be
never is stumped for speech, and he is
always Stamped for speech. He IS a
speakist. Deficient of these gifts, he is s
lobbyist--or a jobbyist-or ballot-box-
ist. That's all stuff is it 2 Well, the ballot
boxist is apt to be stuffer bat the other
"duffers" are not suffers. They represent
corporations. and controlling interests, .
and constituents and things. And they
practice the precept about its being more
blessed to give than to receive. And, to
judge by the Credit Mobilier convicts
lCOngressmen,4 ! meant to say 1 reckon
they're pretty near correct. ..s1.s
VzeT- I,,.1.f.niova 10 fha loHAar Of
fame round by round-just like respecta-
eommotion makes hero of him. And
deyslopes his Latsnt patriotism. Then he
is likely to blunder into the White House;
or the House of Representatives.. Or q
house Of resignation. Mrs. PartIngton.)
(See page III Failing In these, his
grateful fellow-countrymen are sure to
raise an inscription Mrs. P. againl to buy
and furnish him horse of his own. "On
the beach at Long Branch" or some other
first class s0hfsEeying place. And yet
politics, as q profession, Is precarious.-
Very precarious. But he neveT resigns
or declines-except ION compulsion." Or
when he has something higher. IN view.
Then he seems resigned to his fate Il
There is so much uncertainty and lI7sde-
pendence about it. A man often comes
within a mere handful of purchasable
of being an Honorables and then -sOlapses
into the Plainest kind OF q" muster. 1t
sansesj so much unhappiness and disap-
pointment In fact it is full Of "appoint-
nents" and disappointments. Il serious
ly- believe it QlIicke71ed the deaths Of
Webster, Clay, Douglas and Greeley.
And God only knows how many other
lesser stars have been permanently eclips-
ed by the same cloud, = - . =
When I was at school fellow student
"a chum IN fact-became suddenly pen-
s;Ve, and moist about the eyes He lost
all his mirth. I asked for an explana-
nation OF those pensiveness, and why
those tears. He answered. my poor
father was defeated for Congress" Well,
l had only rehearsed to console him on
the death of a mother. Or to congratu-
late him on the death of step-mother,
or some loiH-ful "rich relation" But
this unheard-of calamity was "a Vhortle-
berry above my perslmmons." And
spbsided. He said his poor father" had
not slept q wink since he was nomina-
ted; that he came home late every night
and acted funny; that he had been sure
of being elected and was worse, than dead
with disappointment" ItWas q sad case.
Ny yonpg heart feh for the afflicted fam
lily. was innocent then, and did not
have correct idea as to what acting
funny signifed. So l told him that ] Of
ten begged my father to please be funny"
WheD wanted him to tell some laughable |
stories And that was only too glad to
hags him funny" But these remarks |
did not seem to have the desired effect; |
and, as l wanted to offer some comfort to |
IL -. al a. C,N NE.,.N
should have a new election, and that |
would speak to my father and big brother |
about it, and that he should be elected |
Gz'yhoI1. But he was elder and wiser |
than /, and refused to be comforted. In
deed he seemed distressed at the idea of
his fathers having ne1O election. And my
illusions to "being funny" seemed most |
lll-timed. After that l often asked my
mother if pa ever intended to run for |
Congress. But her only answer was
nonsense, child, what put that inte yauH
headf' She little knew thu deep import |
of that question. invariably watched |
to see if father acted funny when he came |
home. And once when he took me on |
his knee and gave me silver dollar, l |
looked very inquiringly at him and
to see how my mother regarded |
it. For many years after, Whenever a |
candidate for Congress was announced in |
our township used to inquire if he had |
q son-if his wife was hving-if he was a |
lOGkefaI man. and, above all, if he ever |
acted tilany." To my youthful imagina-
ton there was no fun in the "funny" part
of it. / had seen eccentric cats enlarge
the diameter of their tails and shoot off
with hiss like rockets And l had seen
them describe circle" with velocity
that would make locomotive blush and
"chaipsd lightning" take 9 back seat,
And that was my idea of q politician
when he "got funny" And even when
Johnson (the swingsst around the circle)
was inaugurated Vice President, read of
his "eccentriclties' with painful solicit
tude And could not 'divest myself Of the
idea that he, too, had become "funpy,"
! have since become older and wiser
and have learned that politician is nat
urally "phunny phellow." But none
of that IN mine, if you please.
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