Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-07-31

| lhat guard thc CITY on tn0 Quiet Siue
| All, flecting hours!
| Take from my life, ungrudged, its treasures,
then.
II cathe red in some future Eden's bowers,
My longing eyes shall see them once again !!
~
Facetie. q: 80
BEyr size for q man-Exefcise.
The noisest body of water-A sound.
SwEErER than . moonlight night
Nltre.
JUVENILE negroes-Black kids, to be
sure.
The most useful thing in the long
run-breath. -",<;.,
1xPEcux.ous animals-Thoee who
haven't a scent.
CouLD a temperance oiation be called
water spout -; ..i
WHAT none of Nd ever drank from
The tap of q drum
How much cloth is required to make
a spirit wrapper3 --.--.
-fowH committees on high weighs arc
not necessarily fat men. -
A NAN is obliged to. keep his word
when nobody win take It.
WHEx is = clock ON the stairs danger
Gus When it runs down.
"A COMPANION game to perlor croquet
Cricket on the hearth. .:
WHY is sword like beers Because
it is of no use till it is drawn.
WHEN is water most liable to escape2
When it is only half-tide.
DOCTOR, what will cure the fever of
loves" 1.-The chill of wedlock, miss
IT is said that there never was an
honest red-breart; he is alwaysa robin.
WHEN does farmer work mira
Gle : When he turns his horse TO- grass.
VIII didn't dog want . place in the
arka Because he had . barque Of his
own.
TIE best sewing machine attach.
ment-The engagement to . pretty
seamstress. -, =,
A GENIUS is popularly supposed to be
one who can do anything except make
a living. :-:
Som people say that dark.haired
women marry first. We differ j; it's the
ight-headed ones.
CAN an etlifice that weighs two hun
dred and fifty tons be properly called
q light-house9
WIZ is the root of the tongue like .
detected men3 Because it Is down in
the mouth. -.'
LOVE MATCHES are often formed by
people who pay for . month of honey
with life of vinegar.
PouoHKEEpsn uses GOO. 900 gallons
Of water per day and says nothing
about the other ingredients.:
Mrs. PART1NoroN thinks that the
grocers ought to hire . music teacher
to teach them the scales correctly.
MRs. SMITH says her husband il like
. tallow candle, because he always will
smoke when he il going ont
An obituary notice in a New England
paper concludes with the information
that the deceased "leaves two infant
daughters, both girls" =
(Which 10 the plainest, you, l. or
so-and 50 I" asked . young lady.
"Well, I don't know" replied her
friend; "anyhow you are the querist."
TaEoDoBE Hook once said to q man
at whose table publisher got very
tipsy, "you appear to have emptied
your wine celler into your bookseller"
PRESIDENT JACKSON, of Trinity COL
lege, il on his WY to Europe to perfect
plans for the new college buildings ut
Hartford. ''''''-
A WEsTERN editors statement: 1--WE
are living at this moment under abso-
lutte dlspotim," 10 attributed by his
contemporaries to the fact that he has
just been married.
"IT is very sickiy here, :" said one
of the sons of the Emerald lsla the
other day, to another "Yes," replied
his companion, - great many have
died this year that have never died be-
fore"
"CmLD," said Sunday School
teacher, who made your vile bodyi"
swell. ma'am," ssid the little girl,
I" its not . good one, but isn't il rather
hard to call 1t vile It was mother
made it, and sister made the skirt:
MISTAKEN identity.-CYoung Fitz-
Spoonbill thinks he il making m i'm
precision on those two charming girls.)
Small boy, catching hold OF his coat:
"Oh, papa, dear papa! come and kiss
your darling babies!" -,
An aristocratic Fifth avenue papa,
on being requested by . rich, valgar,
young fellow for permission to marry
g one of his girls" gave this rather
crushing reply: Certainly, which
would .s",l : you PREFER the waitress or the
BorH IN THE WRoNa.-One news
paper asserts: "The object of the
Shah's visit to this country il 20 secure
the friendship and support Of England
in future complications" Another
paper retorts: "Thero il not . word of
truth in the report" Six words At least
were true-s' the Shah's visit to this
country is an accomplished fact
OK the occasion of the royal meet
ing between tho sovereigns of Persia
and England, when the latter received
the former in state at Windsor Castle,
it was remarked by people addicted to
whist and cribbage that the illustrious
guest and hostess represented two
court cards-He1 Majesty the queen of
hearts, and the Shah the king of
diam0nds.
YANKEE PAssENaER: "WhX ON airth
do you put blinkers on the horses in
this benighted old oountrva We've
long given 'em up in America, I reck-
on" British bus driver: "Well IN
tell yer wot it is. If them ERE 'osses
was only just to catch sight of you .
sittin' behind 'sm, they'd he that
frightened they'd just smash the 'ole
blessed bus all to pieces!"
THERE is custom in Japan by which
when a gentleman gets on bad terms
with himself, he quietly cuts his chest
open aud let's his life and his troubles
out together. This is called the chap
py dispatch" The proposltion 10 Of
this sort which has been made by
French engineer, to sink . pneumatic
tube under the Straits Of Dover, and to
blow letters and dispatches backward
and forward. One difficulty strikes
the observer at once. It would never
do to send private correspondence by
such . channel-the contents would
get sVind.
That Same Old Turtle.