Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1873-02-19
Mr. Duffy's Valentine.
A WARNING FOR THE WEAK.
By MAX ADELER.

two women loved him. Miss Smith was
the beautiful blue-eyed being to whom he
had given his heart, and to whom he
would cheerfully have given his liver or
his ribs or any other portion Of his frame
work if the custom of society had made
such anatomical surrender proper. Miss
Clamm was the faded flower who had
fixed her battered and venerable affections
upon Mr.. Duffy without any provocatlon
having been offered by him, and Mr.. Duffy
hated CIamm with quite as much intensity
as he loved Smith, because Clamm would
always fasten to him at the church-meet-
ings and the evening companies, and guSh
over to him in the presence of people, and
insist upon MS company home at the very
moment when he had determined to escort
Miss Smith.
And so, when ST Valentines day came
round, Duffy thonght it would be a clever
idea to send proposal of marriage to
Miss Smith, and at the same time to cool
the enthus asm Of Ciamm with an outrage.
Gus comic valentine of some kind. He
procured one of these Immediately, and
then wrote to his only Smith note begin
ming with Dearest and ending with
g Yours till DEATH Unhappily, it came
to pass that Mr.. Duffy placed each of
these papers in the wrong envelope; and
while the comic affair went away to Smith,
direct proposal proceeded to Clamm
Nothing could have been more untortu-
nate, for no sooner did the aforesaid
Clamm receive Duffy's note than she sud
denly did up her back hair, put on her
bonnet, assumed her umbrella and gum
shoes, and started by the shortest known
route to James Dufy's residence
When the front door was opened, she
dashed past the hired girl and into the
sitting room, where, finding Jim reading
a newspaper, she flung her arms about his
neck, dropped her head upon his shoul-
derS and her umbrella upon his corn, and
exclaimed -
Take me, take me, James, Take me,
dearest | am yours-yours forever
As soon as Mr.. Duffy regained his pres
ence of mind, he struggled to disengage
himself, while he attempted to explain to
her that he should not take her; that he
did not want her; that she was not his,
forever, or for FIVE minutes and that if
she did not remove her forehead from his
vest, and her umbrella from the vicinity
of his toe, he should be compelled to call
the police. But Miss CIamm would hear
no explanation. She nestled closer and
closer to his wastcoat, and cried into his
watch-pocket, and kept plunging her um-
brella about with such erratic vigor, that
Mr.. Dutfy's left foot continually executed
half of the waltz movements in an effort
to save its most sensitive excrescence from
torture. But at last when Clamm mur-
INJURED something about fixing the wedding
day and making it soon, Jim Duffy tore
himself away and fled to the garret, where
he locked the door and tied the trap down
with rope, lest the invincible Clamm
should burst in upon him from that direc-
tien
Meantime, Miss Smith received the
comic valentine, and recognizing Duffy S
handwriting upon the envelope, she was
deeply panied, and she thought she might
indirectly obtain comfort and an explana-
ton Of the matter by calling upon her
bosom friend, the sister of Mr.. Duffy So
she sailed out and reached the house. 1t
happened by very strange coincidence
that her bonnet and cloak bore kind of
general resemblance to those worn by
Clamm; and Duffy, when he heard the
door bell-ring, looked out fir ON the garret
window, and felt perfectly certain that the
remorseless Miss Clamm had returned for
the purpose of impressing more firmly
upon his mind that she was his forever
and he could take her. So Duffy did a
scandaous and ungentemanly thing. He
empted bucket of water out of the win.
dow upon the figure below.
Miss Smith went home damp and indig,
nant. A little while after her return
Clamm, being in pursuit of her Duffy
called upon Miss Smith, hoping to fnd
him there. She waited in the parlol
while Miss Smith changed her clothin g
and meanwhile it really occurred to Mr.
Duffy to 90 to Smiths and ask for ar
answer to his proposal. 1t was sunny
day, and snow was upon the ground. The
parlor and entry were gloomy; and wher
Duffy went in, he could hardly see hand
breadth before him. But the eye of Mis-.
Clamm was upon him. AS be came into the
parlor she flew toward him. He perceiv
ed the indistinct outline of woman
figure. He was of course sure that it was
Miss Smith, and he felt certain that she
was about to express her feelings by ac
tions rather than in language. So Duffy
folded her in his arms and kissed her fore
head and asked her if she really loveG
him. She whispered yes; and as they
stood there, while his heart overhoweC
with joy, and he wondered why Mis-:
Smith should sit in her own parlor will
her umbrella in her hand, the wind blew
one of the shutters open suddenly, and a
the same moment in walked Miss Smith.
1t was-5ut no. l shall not at
tempt to describe that situation. 1t is i'm
possible. Everybody was agitated but
Clamm. James Duffy was dumbfounded
aud horror stricken Miss Smith wa
amazed and furious; but Clamm was col
lected, she was cool-she appeared to en-
Joy everything; and she would probabl,
have fallen upon Jim Dufy's shoulder
again and cooed, merely to let Miss Smith
see now nice it was, had not Duffy dodget
as he saw her coming, udpermitted her tt
smash her bonnet against the sofa-cushion
Then Mr.. Duffy undertook to tell Mis-