The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-08-23
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

civil service committee in Washington asked
An applicant for clcrkship The distance nl
the planet Saturn from the earth. me randl-
date answered that he was unable To state the
5istoncc in miles but did not think it sufficiently
near to interfere with the performance OF MS
duties AS a clerk nor to he@ct IN him Il desire III
NEEDLE with the rings.
\ few weeks ago paragraph went the ROUNDS
or the papers to the effect that some bald-headcd
men were never ong.lived We thought at the
lime Of Gen. Cass, j. Quincy Adams, Henry Clay
&c, all of whom were bald-headed, yet lived pe'
yond the allotted three sc orc-and-ten; but ADMIT
ling the general statement &c be true, mere Is
another paragraph that must afford world OF
comfort in lieu of capillary deficiency:
NV experience as a medical man. says an
eminent New York physician, shows that bald
headed men are seldom or never drnnkards ana
that moreover bald headed man Is seluoih
found in lunatic asylum"
A Strasburg, Pa, girl agreed to kiss young
man every day for two years II he would stop
smoking. lie qut, aud has smacked regularly
for six months, but the girl has taken to eating
onions, and he is unhappy.
To ret even let the fellow occasionally nibble
It leek.
An eastern editor desires to know whether,
under the new regulations of the western rail
roads, the Rocky Mountain passes are good since
the first of July He says he has half a dozen III
his rocket. If he intends using them this sea-
son, he had better select such as are protected
by snow sheds.
The following pathetic lines are supposed to
have emanatcd from the obituary genius Of
the Philadelphia Ledgcr'
The death angel smOtc Alexander McCluc,
And gave him prOtractcd repoSc;
lIe wore a checked shirt and anumber nine shoe,
And he had 4 pink wart on his nose.
No doubt he is happier dwelling in space
Over there on the evergreen shore.
His friends are informed that his funeral takes
place
Precisely quarter.past four
Never form a friendship with man that
children will not 20 to, and dogs WiIl not "aG
their tails at. There's more IN IL IMAM you """i"
iancy.-Er.
Good test is TO take him near your bee hives.
The Kankakee Gazctte is Of opinion that Il
camp meeting will dcyelopc more unalloycd
deyiltry than any other known institution par
tcularly in youths Just cultivating rundown
collars and squirting their first tobacco juice
through milk teeth" The idea Of the Gozere
seems to be that tho way to keep the devil quiet
is not TO rritatc him by holding Methodist camp
meetings.
The editor of the Wayerly Is. y idroroi'
Ilnds it necessary to explain:
The odd Fellows of this village were delighted
TO hear that the act recently published in the
Oswcgo Gazettr entitled AN act authorizing odd
Fellows to take cold, and convey real estate
was simply mistake Of the intelligent CompOs-
tor Of that concern. II should read TO take,
hold and convey DC. This new version is a
great relief TO many who had commenced sncez-
ing already
A Georgia paper ckes out dcarth Of per
sonal items" in this fashion,;
st. Paul is away out west with Minnesota, st.
John will spend the summer IN New Brunswick. |,
EImira is in New York. Elizabeth is In New !
Jersey. Marietta is In Ohio, Charlotte II in
North Carolina; and Augusta is down here in
Georgia. They don't intend visiting each ether
Since Captain Jack was.t at La Sale on the |
5th Of Jnly, everybody in that village of a militia
~ turn wants to be called Jack. In the La Sale |
Light Guards the Captain is Jack Day, the lst
lieutenant Jack Beal, the I'd Lieutenant Jack
Skelly, and the It'll corporal is Jack of Spades
W bile the fayoritc game of the whole company |
is hgh-lowjack.
Certain Cougrcga tional ministers in Massachu-
noi,,., r,,rtod an, -, h,,,,, ,o,,,II,,
.rf.-iu,r for m, roc.ssori,. -, ,if, the O,y,,,.
,tirt,, ,I,, q, ,ho ,b,,rcho, ,ro unable ,our,,iI
Wv - '",''' va "
uG to remedy the evil, application for aid should
be made to the Sandwich Islands or to India.
r,..,,...s A.. ,,,,,.. r,.
Inv 'u'to' VI 'no "'t''i'B'on H"''P'"'' no"
that the heated term Is about over, offers a
tanning mill for sale,
There is a story of JUDGE Grier which every.
BODY delights in, how he set inside the unjust
.crdict Of a iurv AGAINST an nnnonnlor man win
this remark .Fntor tho y.rd;ct N. C,.rl. 90,
ter, also set aside by the court want il to
hr understood tb,tit,ol.os ,l;.,,,, man, .,o.l
'''. - '''',9 "'""'" '''' ~ ''s"'
'"'' ''O'''
"''''burg' 50 famous in tine, past ~ hiack
., "i""''9 'I' ''n'''''y o' htf
!" "o'"' '"I"r'" 'hhurth
p'o',' '''o''' "h'' VIII freo douglass
10y w ''''''
me way types can be eccentrci is shown By an