South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-06-27
WIT AND HUMOR

fFA YOUNG man, who was vain OF his
personal appearance and genealogy, was
telling how he got his nose from cell
ebrated grandfather, his mouth from an G.
qually distinguished uncle, his head from
his intellectual father, his eyes from his
beautiful mother, etc, when q gentleman
exclaimed, yes, yes, my dear fellow, that
Is all very plain but what puzzles us is to
discover where you got your unequalied
cheek p
ESTHE world is governed by three
things wisdom, authority and appearan-
ces. Wisdom is for thoughtful people,
authority for rough people, aud appear ance
for superficial people.
EF WOMAN is q delusion, madam ex.
claimed crusty old bachelor to a witty
young lady. 'Aud man is always hugging
some delusion or other was the quick retort
1o- In time to catch it-(Scene Railway
station, some distance from town. Time,
ii NJ Jones, who has promised the
wife of his bosom that he will return home
early that evening-'What time does the
next train start for London 2 Porter, play
fully-'You're in capital time, sir no oc.
oasion to hurry, sir O'CLOCK tomorrow
morning !-Punch.
GB JOSH BILLINGS says: when VIC cum
to think that there amt on the face of the
earth even one bat too much and that there
haint been, since the days of Adam, a sin
gle surplus musketeers egg laid by aksi-
dent, We kan form sum kind of an dee how
little we know, and what a poor Job we
should make ov runnin tho machinery of
kreashuu. Man is phool emmy how, and
the best of the joke is he don't seem to
know it. Bats have a destiny to fill, and |
will bet dollars they fiji it better than we
do ours
S,THERE once lived a rolicking law
yer-we will call him JACK MARTIN-who
had many virtues and few faults. He
would give away his last, and consequent
ly was often dead broke. One day he must
attend court at distance, but found him.
self without funds. Rushing breathlessly
into the Office of banker, holding in his
hand the promissory note of well known
man for twenty dollars, he hastily exclaimed ::
Here, John, what will you give me for
that? Quick trains waiting
Nineteen dollars and half said the
banker.
'All right cried Jack. Give me the
stamps Aud in a moment he was off for
the cars.
An instant aud he was followed and o.
vertaken by the banker, who said
Look here, Jack credits on the back of
this note, fifteen dollars
Il know it,, replied be.
will you pay it back 2
'Notacent.l You set the prico-I took it,
You're an internal scoundrel y
'Ncw look here said Jack, whats the
use! | can bring twenty better looking
men than you who will say the very same
thing
TWAS one of Jacks virtues, this calm
ness under trying circumstances, and it so
charmed the banker that he never asked
for the money again.
ES-'VY, Moshes, my dear Moshes, vat
ish de matter NIT you ? asked an Israelit-
ish friend Of his brother, whom he found
crying piteousIy in his store in Chatham
Street.
%, don't ak me l bin such fool ;
never | bin such fool =
Well, can't we do nottiugs about it &?
Vat isb de matter 2
Vel, den, Jackass BIO comes 10 and he
buys a coat, and tells him srcnty doHoys ,
Well, didn't be pay do swenty dollars ?
% yes, he pays it, but dat ish ware va.
sich fool didn't share him sgentg-t,ro.
o my, / loss him two tolars, was SIGH a
fool =
ReS-IT is told ola young gentleman, whom
maiden liked but her father didn't. that NJ
reasonable hour the old gent mildly IN
iimated that the time for retiring had ar
rived. q think you are correct, my dear
cir replied nineteenth century, modostly 49,
we have been waiting over an hour for
you to put yourself 10 your little bed The