Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1873-11-19
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Why Is this continent Ike milk |!
Because IT'S ours. .s,ss,.,
An elderly ladf, endsavofing t6
post letter In a hydrant, 10 . specta<
Gle to maSc IN oyster weep. e
On week days you buy your music
by the sheet; ON Sundays you ean
have II by the choir for nothing. -
The obituary notice Of . Kentucky
'aay includes the fact that her hale
was sx fset eight inches long. e
A man, WHO .siozized q sif
energetic citizcn," " as run over by
n funeral III Provide CO, q. l., last
week.
A fash of ligi tn II w,nt thronxH
the Erie, Pa, Dis. atcl, Gfice on n,
aud knut hcA Tho ..dcvn'
down the cellar. ,
A man Oh being used for an sppIsi:
prinie inscriptions for . Founding
AS! inm. proposed: "Tlus far; bus
no farther" q...-..
Mrs. SaraI, Newconib, of fllfnois,
recently ruined handsome be.i-post
by dashin. out the brains Of her hus.
band with it.
Before bustlcs came into fashion
there was chance for newspapers to-
display enterprise; but now all Of
them arc behind in their makeup.
Why is big advertiser like sors
tinger9 Because he is more thought
Of thrn his neighbors? No; it 10 be!
cause he is always con hand"
A Tennessee paper tells OF the pre-
sentation to a citizen Of Nashville Of
the 'inkstand used by Gen. Jackson
at the battle of New Orleans"
An active bachelor in Maine claims,
to be one hundred and two years old;
but he "Inakes his own bed," accord
ing TO local paper, $50 he must lie"
"Lightning saws" are announced
by some dealers in hardware. Tha,
people sec lightning during thunder
storm is plain enough, but why they
should saw lightning is problem.
"Why," asked govcrness of her
little charge. edo we pray God to
give us our daily bread? Why don't
we ask for four days, or five days, or
week." eve want it fresh" re-
piled the ingenious child.
a postal card was received at Port
land, Me-, recently, having q dollar
bill scwcd OH one side ofit, and di-
rectly above the bill was written 8
''lf this is stolen, it will be after IL
leaves the Kittcry post-ofiice. .'.
The Danhury News man states that
the panic has SO far abatcd as to per-
init an Essex street man to return to
ten cent cigars, aud le hopes In
another month. if the brightness con-
tinues t. increase, to get his boys
boots half solod.
The editor of Minnesota paper has
buffalo-robe which was once the
PROPERTY Of tho Sioux chief, son or
the Sun, whereon arc pictured all his
battles, his scalps and other trophies.
Ilc is going 10 use it as q means to
frightcn delinquent subscribess.
"FreI," "said a young man, walking
up State street in Chicago the other'
day, after listening to his wonderful
story, do you know why you are
like u harp struck by lightning ?"
NO" says Fred; ~ give it up"
Because harp struck by lightning
is blasted lyrc.'
A negro in Boston complained at q
police station that o brother colored
man had broken chair all to spliuters
over his head. Being told there were
no marks Oh his Uranium, he said ::
'No! e didn't make no marks, but q
smashed dc char all ter pieces, aud
dc char belonged ter me-"
The worse case that has come to-
or knowledge is that of St. Louis
editor. lie describes "the celestial
apparition" witnessed from that city
last Friday Us ''looming forth in the
shape of huge fish with mouth open
and fins spread, as if swimming in .
dense medium" llc must have 'eIR
awfully.-LChicago Post.
The editor of the Cleveland Leader
brought his wife aud eleven children
all boys and girls--to ELI Pcr-
kins'" lecture on fee tickets, and
then went hcmc and deliberately
wrote aud punctuatcd the following:
"a poor man fell over the gallery last
night while Eli Perkins was lectur-
ing IN tcastly state Of intoxioa~
tiOn." L.
n lot of minstrels went to town
not far away and advertised TO give
performance for "thc benefit Of tho
poor, tickets reduced TO ten cents"
The hall was crammed fuils Tho next
morning q committee for the poor
called upon the treasurer Of the con-
Germ for the amount said benefit had
uettcd. The treasurer expressedFas-'
constituent ut tho demand. ~
thought" said the chairman Of tho
committee, "you advertised this con-
cert for the benefit OF tho poor"
Replied tho treasurer: 'Didn't We
put the tickcts.down to ten cents. SO
that the poor could all come? ?" The
committee vanished.
The London Times may safely claim
the championship for printers errors.
In its report Of the Archbishop Of
York's sermon before the British As-
ISOLATION, the following passage oc-
Cured: There is nothing ascertain
able in what you call 'spiritual
things?' The postal tclegrsphs,
which best interpret this age, tells
you the best you eau como TO " that
line OF thought -
! land falling with my weight Of eares.N
Upon the worid's great Altst-staars,. I q ..
That slope through darkness up 70 bod, sS
On the next day the Times correct.
ed itsrepost. For "postal telegrsphs"
read "poct laureate" !,