davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22
H U M 0 R 0 U S /,
A Boys Ideas Of Heads.

"Heads are of different shapes and sizes.
They are full of notions. Large heads do
not always hold the most. Some persons
can tell just what man is by the shape of
his head. High heads are the best kind.
Very knowing people are called long
headed. A fellow that won't stop for any
thing or anybody is called hot-headed. If
he isn't quite SO bright they call him soft
headed; if he won't be coaxed nor turned
they call him pig-headed. Animals have
very small heads. The heads of fools slant
back. When your head is cut off you are
beheaded. Our heads are all covered with
hair except bald heads. There are other
kinds of heads besides our heads. There
are barrel heads, heads,of sermons-and
some ministers used to have fifteen heads
to one sermon; pin heads; heads of cattle,
as the farmer calls his cows and oxen; head
winds; drum heads; cabbage heads; at log
gerheads, come to head heads of chap
ters; head him off; head of the family, and
go ahead-but first be sure you are right"
: Young american.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

lIs- At Point Creek, jackson county, a
trader had bought sheep of resident.
Resident had one more to sell, when the
following conversation ensued:
Trader-"Tl give you two dollars for
that sheep"
RESIDENT It's worth five dollars"
t." 1t amt worth two dollars"
R.-It's worth five dollars"
T.-"It amt"
r. drawing a large navy" What's that
there sheep worth P'
T." Under the circumstances, l think
it's worth nigh unto six dollars"
They traded forthwith.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

CY- A gentleman whose memory is not
quite so good as it used to be, when he has
anything particular to remember next
morning makes practice of turning one of
the pictures in his bedroom with the face
to the wall. He finds it very amusing
next day trying to recollect what he turned
it for.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

ZEE 1t is standing rule in my church,"
said one clergyman to another, "for the
sexton to wake up any man that he may
see asleep" 81 think" returned the
9th er, "that it would be much better for
the sexton, whenever any man goes to
sleep under your preaching, to wake you
up"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

tB-On dispute between two officers
aboard a vessel, whose crew were Irish and
English sailors, one of them contended
that the English could not answer COM
mon question with half the adroitness
which was natural to the Irish.
A bet was proposed; it was agreed to
try the point Immediately, and an English
man was asked what he would take to 60
aloft blindfolded in hard gale.
81 would take months pay" was the
reply.
"And what would you take, Pat ?" said
one of the officers to an Irishman.
By jabers ~ said he, 81 would take
nothing but fast hold"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

tB- Mr.. Justice Littleton, Of Massachu-
.setts, made the following remark about
certain hotel after he had been there on
circuit. Some one asked him how he found
the table. elbow ?" growled the judge.
Everything cold but the water, and every
thing sour but the pickles."
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

tB-one man reprimanding another said
that he talked like fool. "True," he
replied: but it is that you may understand
me.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

EB- While clergyman of the Methodist
order was praying at camp meeting in
most fervent manner for the power Of the
devil to be curtailed, a Jealous old negro
man loudly exclaimed: "Amen, yes, bless
God, cut the tail smack, smoove of"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

tB- They have a Judge in Kanas who
fined lawyer for saying "sic transit"
The official thought it was swearing, and
remarked Indignantly that nobody should
"sick' him in that Court.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

rB- A cherubic little fellow told his
kindly school teacher recently, that he
doesn't want to be an angel so much as he
did. He prefers to grow up, go to Con-
gress and receive back''pay.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22
Told the Trnth.

81 say, fellows" remarked loafer to
some of his companions. "Let us see who
can tell the biggest lie."
"All right" said one "Tm the biggest
fool in America"
"Oh shaw ~ exclaimed the first con-
temptuously; "We agreed to tell moth
ing but lies, and you commenced by telling
the truth"
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

FB- The Louisville Courier-Journal calls
the inhabitants of an Indiana town, Terre
Hautentots.
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

IB- The reigning belle at a fashionable
assembly in Wisconsin lately created a
sensation by sneezing her false teeth out
The Bloomfield times. [volume] (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, 1873-04-22

rB- What is the difference between a Jew
and lawyer? The one gets his law from
the prophets, the other his profits from the
law.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
The City Poiice-Inerease their NUN
Der and their pay.
WHEELING. Feb, II, 1873.

WHEELING, req. IL, 1000
Editors OF the Register.
/ would ask Of you the kindness to
publish the following remarks in re-
gard to our present police force; the
duty they have to perform; the COM
pensation they receive, DC.
In the fret place, our police force
consists of the Sergeant and eleven de-
puties, or about one third of the force
necessary for a city of twenty-five thou
sand inhabitants. These men have to
perform duty that in other cities OF
the same population it takes from fifty
to one hundred men to perform. Our
policemen are expected to be on duty
every day from eight o'clock, A. NJ, I'M
til twelve o'clock P. NJ. and very often
all night. Now what do these men re-
ceive for their services2 They get
$4,000 per month, or an average Of
81, l6 per day, when they actually per.
form Is hours duty, or l33c per hour,
while laborers around our factories and
shops. are paid from l5c' per hour to
173c. Now, if we wish to keep re-
spectacle set of men on the force,
such as our new Sergeant has Sc
lected flor they seem to me to
be far in advance of any previous force
for some years. think it would be
well to advance their salaries to at least
90 so per day or SIS 90 per month.
Then a man of a family could afford to
keep himself and wear those high
crowned caps and "nobby" suits that
the council has ordered them to pur-
chase out of the sos 90 that they now
receive. In all other cities the police
receive SO 90 per day, for twelve hours
duty. l consider it unjust therefore,
that we should ask of as faithful set
of men as our present force is compo-
sed OF to do the duties they now perform
and take all the insults they are sub
ject to from our street "loafers" for so
small compensation.
| would therefore propose to the
council that they pay these men S75 w
per month, and increase the force, for
although we have as efficient sergeant
and set of deputies as any community
can put forth, they are over taxed. They
have too much territory to look after,
and are paid too small an amount for
the duties they have to perform.
With these few remarks will leave
the subject to our honorably City Coun
Gil, believing that they will do with
these men, what in they in their judg-
ment think right Let them advance
the salaries, and increase the force, so
that when there is fuss in the street.
we can say with a free conscience, where
are the police?
Yours, &C.,
A MERCHANT.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

A Young man in Minnesota has met
with the following mishap: He stepped
on board train which, as he had every
reason to believe, would take him to
Jonesville swiftly enough to enable
him punctually to keep an appointment
he had to marry young woman. The
train was delayed, the lady got hutly,
and, since the expected bridegroom did
not appear, instantly married another
man who suddenly remembered that
he had loved her fondly. The ar
dent first lover was so anxious to
reach Jonesville that he acted nervous
ly. was taken in charge by detectives
as one implicated in a great robbery
in Chicago, and was liberated at last
only to find that blight and mildew had
gathered all over his hottest affections,
and that the world was indeed cold
and desolate and unsympathetic.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
Voting by Ballot.

In the Constitutional Convention yes
terday a very important debate was
had on section providing for an open
or secret ballot, as the elector may pre-
fer, and for the numbering of the bal
lots by the election officers as received,
also that the name of the elector shall
be written on the ballot by himself, or
written and attested by another elector
of the same district who is not an cleo
ton officer. This change in the system
of voting is radical and sweeping, and
consequently drew out a number of the
friends of the existing order OF things.
But it throws such complete safeguards
around the ballot that it did not lack
in defenders. The open ballot, the
numbering of each vote as deposited,
and writing of the voters name upon it,
combined, will 60 long way towards
defeating what is called counting out.
PHILADELPHIA Press.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

A NEW fraud has just come to light.
For several months past freight trains
OF various railroads from New York to
the west were filled with barrels, all
marked sugar" They were all di-
rected TO the principal coniectioners
and dealers in candies in Chicago, In
dianapolis, Cincinnati and other cities
The freight agents OF several OF the
companies suspecting that something
was wrong, recently opened some OF
the barrels, and found them packed
with confectionery and choice candies.
The freight on plain sugar is forty-seven
cents a hundred, while ou confection>
cry it is charged at the rate OF one dollar
and eighteen cents. The railroad COM
panies have instructed their agents to
keep sharp look-ond for sugar freight,
and to open every barrel, if necessary,
directed to conIectioners in the western
cities. Five confectioners in this city
have received letters from western
firms requesting them to label pepper
mint lozeugers, &c, they had orderd,
as sugar, at forty-seven cents a huns
bred. The frauds perpetrated in this
way are said to amount to an immense
sum annually.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

THERE was a time when wise men
said no Pacific railroad would ever be
finished and running before 1880; but
it now seems likely that by that date
there will be at least five trans-conti-
mental American roads. The South
ern, or Texas line, will be finished
much sooner, no doubt, and even the
new Canadian line, is to be built-ac-
cording to the charter published at
Ouswa-in "ten years from the 10Th OF
July, 1871" 1t is to be observed that
the financial troubles of either OF the
roads already built do not seem to deter
or alarm the promoters OF the new ones;
satisfactory evidence that to bad man.
agement, and not TO intrinsic CONNER
cial dement's, those troubles are fairly
to be ascribed. Nor have the compile
cations of the United States roads with
the government prevented like system
to our own from being adopted in Cam
ada; the Colonial Psrllment having
guaranteed, by way of subsidy to the
canadian Pacific" S30,000,OO0, and
as many acres OF the public land.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
CoIfsx's Case is strengthened.

A reporter of the New York Mail
saws that a son Of the late George W..
Nesbitt says that his mother says tina
she remembered that Mr.. Nesbitt stated
to her that he had sent thousand dol
lars to Mr.. Colfax. But Colfax is un-
fortunate in his theories. He protested
that Mr.. Nesbitt wished the fact OF this
donation secret even from his own
family, and the son of that eccentric,
deceased donor states that he told his
family about it at the time" And a
man in Indiana has telegraphed to Col
fax that he (Colfax) told him in 1868
that he had received $1,000 from a
friend for campaign purposes. Giving
all this startling evidence more than the
credence it deserves, does it prove that
Colfsx did not receive any money from
Ames2 There was once an lrishmsn
accused of theft who offered to bring
twice az many witnesses to swear that
thew didn't see him steal the coat as the
Government could produce to swear
thew did zee him.-Enquirer.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
An InReniOuA Invention.

Mr.. Charles 7. Moore, OF this county,
has secured patent for an invention
of his own conception for type-setting.
A model OF the machine was exhibited
to us at the Lewisburg Hotel, on
Thursday last, and it's mode Of opera
ting fully explained by the inventor.
1t has lately been examined in the
Nothern cities by practical printers, and
Mr.. NJ. has been assured by them that
it will prove a success. The instrument
certainly is a work OF merit and shows
the marks of rare genius on the part
of the inventor. If it should eventu-
ally accomplish what its auther claims
for it, it will produce a revolution in
the art of type setting, the value OF
which cannot easily be estimated.
-Greenbrier Independent.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

The failure of the friends OF Boutwell,
in the Legislature Of Massachusetts, to
effect an election before the fourth OF
March, seems to have necessitated a
decisive step on the part of the present
Secretary of the Treasury, by handing
in his resignation. 1t is understood
that the first letter on the subject was
first written to take effect on the 18th.
1t will be remembered at that time, the
18th, it was supposed would be the day
of the election OF Senator. The llth
of March now being the day fixed, the
resignation has been arranged to take
effect on the fonrth of March. This
will require a new appointment to the
Secretaryship Of the Treasury. There
is strong pressure from New York to
secure the post of Secretary Of the
Treasury to . citizen Of that State.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
The Louisiana Case.

1t is under stood that the Senate re-
port on the Louisiana case will be made
on Wednesday or Thursday. There
will doubtless be two or three reports
one by Mr.. Trumbull, exposing the
frauds and usurpation of the Admins
tration in Louisiana; one BY Morton IN
favor OF the Kellogg Government; and
third by Carpenter, Alcorn, Logan
and Hill, favoring a new election. The
Committee are generally agreed as to
the usurpatiou Of Judge Durell, and
that the Lynch Board had no right to
make return. The testimony in the
case will make a document Of seven or
eight hundred pages;
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

A NOVEL ANTI WAR PETITIoN-Ho'o
to lift the Yell and Remove the Pres
SIRE Mr.. Ames in the Senate present.
ed the petition of one Franklin Smith,
OF Canton, Miss, praying that an
amendment be made to the Constitution
to the effect that hereafter and
throughout all time, all persons, wheth.
er of the State or national government
who shall recommend civil war, shall
register their names in a book to be
kept by the Secretary Of State at Wash
ington, and that when the war breaks
ont they occupy the front ranks in the
line until the war closes; and that in
default OF go doing they acknowledge
themselves ready and worthy Of being
taken out and be shot at any instant
that the President OF the United States,
or any other governor of a State shall
so order and Greet"
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

IT is not many years since the mer'
chants OF Boston raised fund OF hun
dred thousand dollars to induce Daniel
Webster to take seat in the United
States Senate, position he could not
afford to occupy on account OF his
limited personal means. But nova
davs we see them themselves expend
more than twice that amount in some
way TO secure seats in the same body,
expecting-not a glorious career as
s,atesmen-to indemnify themselves by
Congressional jobbery and peculation
Here is where the moral turpitude Of
the whole thing develops itself
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
Terrible Accident.

Two or three days since lady whose
name the reporter was unable to ascer-
tain, was riding along road short
distance up Elk, when her horse be-
came frightened, SHE'D and began to
run. The lady lost her balance and fell
but her foot becoming fastened in the
stirrup, she was dragged under the
heels of the frightened animal for over
a mile at full gallop. She sustained
injuries by this terrible experience that
resulted in her death, in short time
after her final Encouragement from the
fearful predicament.
She was a married lady and left q
family of small children to monrn and
feel her loss. Charleston Courier.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

The VIRGINIA BoNDHoLDERs.--Ac con.
ference OF the Virginia State bondhold-
ers with the joint committee with the leg,
islature assembled in the Senate cham
Der at Richmond on Saturday. Nearly
g 100000 were represented. Alter a
full and free interchange OF views the
conference adjourned till Tuesday even
ing, at which time the joint committee
were requested to present some plan for
the adjustment of public debts.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN THAT
" the undersigned wishes to sell I'm
whole or in part) that portion OF coal now
acres. located along the Ohio river, about
one-third OF q mile north OF the city limits,
together with one acre OF surface at The en-,
trace on the side nesrest the river, and
three acres of surface around the other en-
will vary from 5 feet inches to ! feet In
depth, and could be conveniently shipped
hy means OF the county road, or by the =.
vi. SK. Il. r., as the entrance on the river
side is not 200 feet from either.
The above will be sold on feasonaoie
terms, or exchanged for good town prop
erty. rn,,,,.pSu.T
janlS-h "ALltn MAH~oh<>h'
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

A PROMINENT ex-member of Congress
stated to Washington correspondent
that some time ago he was informed by
Isiah Rynders, OF New York city, OF
the details OF a fraud which he had or
ganized and carried out in New York
city, by means of which Henry Clay,
who had legally carried New York
State, was deprived Of the vote Of that
State in the Electoral College, and there
by lost the Presidency, and that this
fact is probably now susceptible of proof
even at this late dav.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
For Sale.

TWO-STORY BRICK DWELLiNG,
a with eight or ten rooms, situated on
icf No. II. northwest corner of Centre and
seventh streets, in Shriver's addition TO the
Also, a two-slory Frame Dwelling, with
en- rooms and good cellar, hol anu col1
,ratar mn and down stairs with gas in ali
tba rooms Situated on the east side o!
Charline street, in the sixth ward o! the
civ OF Wheeling. For price and terms see
e''s VI l.. q HUGHE|,
nov. Real Estate Agent
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
Fair Grounds For Rent.

rNHE FAIR GROUNDS OF THE NORTH
West Virginia Agricultural Society, on
Wheeling Island, are FOR rent. The use al
the Grounds for Pic-Nics and the Horse
stables and Track may be rented separately
If desired. Possession gived April first.
Amply 10 TBOS. HORNBROpk,P test,
orJIHN BISHOP, Secretary.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
FERNS, oy Mail, in Advance
A Query 10 POmcrOy.

Subsidy Pomeroy, before he leaves
the Senate, should make public an &C.
count OF large appropriation which
President Lincoln, it is said, permitted
him to receive, ostensibly for aiding
colored people to immigrate to St, Do
mingo. Won't he rise to explain?
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
FOR RENT.

NOR RENT-THE TWO-STORi BRr h
L Dwelling at the south west corner oi
Centre and seventh streets, containing nve
rooms Bathroom with cold water, Kitchen
and wash house, with gas throughout.
Apply on the premises 10
tebi7 S. B. BARNITZ, Trustee.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
FOR SALE.
For saie--BoiIer and Engine.

CEVEN INCH CYLINDER AND
= twelve inch stroke, boiler eight and
half feet high thirty six inches In diameter.
All i'm good order. Burns only one load OF
coal per week. Also Skating and Betting
for sale. All very cheap For further in
formation apply at G.Mendel, Booth q CO.'S
furniture shop, tawSw
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

U,Ox SALF-THFRE WILL BIZ SOLD
NJ public auction on Tuesday, February
- 1874 ri ;ia Quincy Foundry ana Ma
chine shop, the following
| lot 81 stove plates and snnory chs'!hS>'
I mir oftimher wheels, two horse wagon,
! cart, dray, 3 set IF platform scales, 2
writing desks, 9 Office chairS, sofas, z
clocks heating stoves, 300 fire bricks, and
snndry other articles such as TASKS pat
terms, &c. aleto commence at III O'Clock.
Terms OF sale cash.
JOSEPH HAMILTON,
:, ding EehrnarY Is lSI3.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
FOR SALE.

- A TWO STORY FRAME HOUSE
90 with seven or eight rooms, on JACOB
-&8-street: also small Frame House with
wo rooms on Jacob, street; also new
Brick House on Eoh street, CONTAINING
fonr rooms. L. q. HUGHES,
ong2 Real Estate Agent.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
For Sale. Boiler and Engine.

CEVEN INCH CYLINDER AND
y twelve inch stroke; boiler eight ana
Salf feet bigh thirty six inches In diam eter
All In good order. Burns only one load
coal per week. Also Shafting and Betting
for sale. All very cheap. For further In,
formation apply to g. Mendel, Booth & Cos
tnrnItnra Shnn 2taw3w
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
For Sale.

IMPROVED FARM OF 100 ACRES, 8
miles from ohio river, in Marshall
county, acres in wheat and ~ acres In
grass. Possession given March lst, 1913;
Pr ce, SIS per acre. one third down ana
i"'ei'S' Wv. HOGE& BRO,
tahl1 VIVA. Land Agency, Market ct.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
For Sale.
WANTED.

w vices of at least one reliable, intelli.
gent gentleman In every city, town and
county in the South. business agreeable
and strictly legitimate, yielding from $500
to $500 per apnum. For particulars address
TUkNBULL BROTHERS
jaS0-egb Pub,rs, Baltimore, Md.
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19

nYcnN VEGETABLE AND FLOWER
NEIl\ Plants. Roses, Dshlias, Fusehias,
OllUO Geraniums, Bedding Plants,
Gladiolls, etc. Send stamp for
Dreer's Garden Calendar, les pages, illus
trated, with practical directions. HENRY
A. DREEH, ia Chestnut street, Philadel-
phia, Pa. 1aU
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
MEDICAL
WolvlAM

By an immense practise extending oeossA 2
period Of years, having withir that Tine tfueseo
many thousand cases OF those diseases pecahe
TO woman, have been eusb,ed TO perfect . MOI
potent and agreeable meEcine that meetsthe .pdi.
cations presented BY that class Of Diseases van
positive certainty and exactness.
To designate this natural specific oc0p@nd
have naI,cd il
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-02-19
For Rent.

YNHE HALL NOW OCCUPIED Wy IHE
Young Mems ChriStiou Association.
Entrance next door to the City Bank, on
Market street.
Possession given April LIST, 1873.
fenS X. CRANGLE.