Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1873-04-25
The Trials of n Consul.

ludicrous as well as humiiating in
the story of DR.. Bertram, the late
Consul to Montevideo, Buenos
Ayres. The Doctor, tired of deal
ing out pills and potions in the bar
barous State of Missouri, and hav-
ing a wild ambition for diplomatic
fame, brought all his personal and
political influence to bear on the
Administration for a place in the
ranks of the distinguished corps
that represent this great Yankee
nation beyond the seas. He painted
to sport himself in plumed hat and
gold lace, and to dangle a saber at
his side, according to the intcIlectu
nj custom OF foreign courts and
their imperial potcntates. He did
not get the mission to England or
France. He could not arrange on
satisfactory terms for first-class
consulship at Paris or London, or,
in fact, to any European city. But
is not royalty the same the world
over, and are not the South Ameri-
can republics founded upon and
nearly allied to monarchy? The
good Doctor decided that, rather
than stay in the wilds Of Missouri,
he would HE himself to the South
Pole; he would change the day into
night and the night into day, and
accept the consulship of Montevideo.
He was appointed, commissioned,
instructed, sailed, arrived at his
destination after two months of anX-
ious tossing on the restless Atlantic
and prepared to enter upon his i'm
portant duties. But alas for ambi-
ton. The great and mighty nation
does not pay muniliccnt wages to
the consul at Montevideo The
work is rather hard, and the salary
$1,000 year. To rent such quar-
ters as became the representative
of the great republic would cost
alone from three to five times the
amount of the salary. Clerks re-
quired about treble, and family cx-
penses amounted away up among
the thousands. The Doctor is not
blessed with a superabundance of
worldly goods. II" is as rich as
Dives in ambition, but very Laza-
rus in dollars and cents. There
fore the Doctor was placed in al
most embarrassing situation; he
couldn't rent a house; couldn't en-
ploy clerk, he couldn't pay a scrv
ant. He had to carry the American
flag wrapped around his person like
winding sheet, not even being
able to afford a libcrty-pole on which
to fling it to the Montevideo breeze
Finally the Doctor bethought him.
self of a plan. He bought 4 second
hand wall tent, and proudly reared
it on the outskirts of the city. From
the warike tabernacle he flung the
flag of his country to the winds, and
reposed peacefully beneath its shell
tering folds. But, alas, again; the
diplomatic corps of Montevideo
were shocked at such conduct; they
held an Indignation meeting, and
resolved to "cut" the Doctor social
ly and elevate their patrician noses
at him automatically, and this they
did, much to his modification and
chagrin. Finding himself the butt
of ridicule, and his country the OBJ
ject of contempt, the Doctor, on one
fine morning, struck his flag, pack
cd his medicine case, and
Folded his tent like an Arab,
And as silently stole away"
He arrived in Washington few
days ago with empty pockets and
expiring patriotism, and related the
story of his sufferings to the Secre
tary Of State.
Whether such a disgraceful state
Of things shall be allowed to contin-
ue, or whether our representatives
abroad shall be paid respectable
salary, is now one Of the questions
that is seriously agitating the State
Department.