The daily phoenix. [volume] (Columbia, S.C.) 1865-1878, 1873-09-13

& How a MAN AND H1s WIFE P1r Or A
STovs.-Pu Putting mp q, stove is not 80
diaaeuls in itael sIt isSthe pipe that
a..hs ~ - he ==--.==st:s =sa =.
the dust. YOU nay take Edown'a store
with all the care ia the world. and have
your vile put away the pipe in q secure
place. and yet that pipe won't come to-
gether again as it was before. You find
this ont when you are standing on a
chair with your arms full of pipe and
your mouth full of SCOT. Tour vile is
standing on the floor in position that
enables her to see you, the pipe and tho
chair; and hero she gives utterance to
those remarke that are calculated to
hasten man into the extremes Of insa.
nifty. Her dress is pinned over her
waist, hnd hsr hands rest on her hipe.
She has got one Of your hats on hor
head, and your line . coat on her back,
and pair Of your rnbbers ON her feet.
There is about five cents worth of pot
black on her nose, and lot of -four on
her chin, and altogether she is epecta
Gle that would inspire dead man with
distrust. And while you are up there
trying to circumvent the awful contra.
riness of the pipe, and telling that you
know some fool has been mixing it, she
stands safely on the floor and bonn.
bards you with such domestic notices
as: whats the use of swearing SOP"
"You know no one has touched the
pipe" "You ain't got any more pa-
tience than child" "Do be careful
OF that chair" And then she goes of,
and re-appears with an armful more of
pipe, and before you are aware Of it she
has got that pipe 20 horribly mixed up
that 1t does seem no two pieces ore
alike. You join the ends, and work
them to and fro, and take them apart
again and look at them Then You
spread one out and jam the other toge-
ther, and mount them onca more. Bu.
it is no go. Yon begin to think the
pieces are inspired with life, aud ache
to kick them through the window. But
she doesn't lose her patience She goes
around with TINT nwfully cxlsperating
rigging on, with a length Of pipe under
each arm, and ~ long g-handled broom in
her hand, and says she don't see how it
is some people never have any trouble
In putting up stove. Then you
miss the hammer. You don't see
it anywhere. You stare into tho
pipe and along the mantle. and
down on the stove. and off to the floor.
Your wife watches you intently, and is
finally thoughtful enough to inquire
what you are looking after, and on learn
ing, pulls the article from her pocket.
Then you feel as if you could get ont
doors and swear hole twelve feet
square through block OF brick build.
ings, but she merely observes, "Why on
earth don't you speak when you want
anything. and not stare around like
dummy" When that part of the pipe
which goes through the wall is up, she
keeps it up with her broom while you
are making the connection, aud stares
at 1t with an intensity that is entirely
uncalled for. All the while your posi-
ton is becoming more and more inte-
resting. The pipe don't go together, of
course. The SCOT shakes down into
your eyes und mouth, the sweat rolls
down your face and tickles your chin as
it drops off, and it seems as if your
arms are slowly but surely drawing out
OF their sockets. Here your wife comes
to the rescue by iuquiring if you are
going to be all day doing nothing, and
If you think her arms ore made of cast
iron; and then the broom slips off the
pipe, and in her endeavor to recover her
hold she jabs you under the chin with
tho handle, aud the pipe comes down on
your head with it's load of fried SCOT,
and then tho chnir tilts forward enou gh
to discharge your feet, and you come
down on the wrong end of that char
with force that would bankrupt pile
driver You don't touch that stove
again. You leave your wife examining
the chair and bemoaning its ipjuries,
and go into the kitchen and wash yonr
skinned aud bleeding hands with yellow
soap. Then you go down the street
after Il man to do the business, and your
wife goes over to the neighbors with her
chair and tells them ABOUT its Injuries,
and drnins the neighborhood dry OF it's
sympathy long before you get homo.
Ddnt.ryv N"wS
IliE WArEREE SWAMI A correspond
ent of the Charleston .Ne,rs cxp|alLs-nt