Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-01-23
THE SANDWICH ISLANDS.
Sketches by Mark Twain.

The announcement of the death of
King Kamehameha, of the Sandwich
Islands, has induced Mark Twain to
contribute two articles to the Now
York Tribune, embracing the recol-
lections of his trip to the Islands sew
eral years ago. The articles give much
valuable information, spiced with the
inimitable humor of the author. We
make one or two extracts from the last
of these contributions
ROYAL CURIOSITY.
The late King was frequently on
hand in the royol pew in the Royal
Hawaiian Reformed Catholic Church
on Sundays; but whenever he got into
trouble he did not fly to the cross for
help-he few to tho heather gods of
his ancestors. Now this was man
who would write you a beautiful letter,
in faultless hand, and word it in
faultless English; and perhaps throw
it few graceful classic illusions; and
perhaps few happy references to sci
ence, international law, Or the worlds
political history; or he would array
himself in elegant evening dress and
entertain you at his board in
princely style, and converse like
a born Christian gentleman !; and day
after day he would work like beaver
in affairs of State, and On occasions
exchange autograph letters with the
kings ahd emperors of the old world.
And the next week, business being
over, he would retire to cluster OF
dismal little, ,straw-thatched native huts
by the sea shore. and there for fort
night he would turn himself into a
heather whom You could not tell from
his savage grandfather. He would re-.
duce his drese to q b1eech-clout, fill
himself daily full of whisky, and sit
with certain of his concubines
while others danced the peculiar
hula-hula. And if oppressed by
great responsibilities he would
summon one of his familiars, an an
cient witch, and ask her to tell him the
opinion and the commands of the
heathen gods, and these commands he
would obey. He was 80 superstitious
that he would not step over line
drawn across a road. but would walk
around it. These matters were com.
mon talk in the Islands. I never saw
this king but once, and then he was
not on his periodical debauch. He
was in evening dress attending the
funeral of his sister, and had a yard of
Grape edependiugfroIn his stove-pipe hat.
SPECIMEN MINISTER.
The "Royal Minister" are natural
curiosities. They are white men of
various nationatities, who have wan
dered thither in times gone by. I will
give you q specimen-but not the most
favorable. Harris, for instance. Harris
!: an American-a long-legged, . vain,
lightweight village lawyer from New
Hampshire. If he had brains in pro.
portion to his legs, he would make
Solomon seem failure: If his modes.
ty equaled his ignorance, he would
make violet seem stuck up; if his
learning equaled his vanity, he would
make Won Humboldt as unlettercd as
the backside of . tombstone; if his
stature were proportioned to his con-
science, he would be gem for the mi.
croscope; if his ideas were as large as
his words, it would take a man three
months to walk around one of them
if an audience were to contract to
listen as long as he would talk, that
audience would die of old age; and il
he were to talk until he said something,
he would still be on his hind legs when
the last trump sounded. And he would
have cheek enough to wait until the
disturbance was over, and go on again.
Such is Tor was) His Excellency Mr..
Harris, his late Majesty's Minister OF
This, That, and The Other-for he was
little of everything; and particularly
always he was the Kings most obedi.
ent humble servant and loving wcr-
shipper, and his chief champion and