The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1873-04-23
NEWLY MARRIED MEN
What They Have to Come TO.
By RELIABEL YOUNG.

First. JUS married; destined to
finger in clover, new mown hay, and
such herbage from nine to twelve
months. Then
Second. Some black, rascally,
stormy night you are turned out into
streets and ponds and mill races or
amid snow eighteen inches deep, and
drifting like blazes. and told to run
for the doctor. When you get home
again, eight chances to ten, little
red flannel looking thing, about the
size of potato. awaits you. They
will call it a baby, and packed up
with it you will find the first sqaIls of
married life-you can bet on that.
Third. Paregoric and soothing
syrup, and catnip tea, and long fan
mel, and diaper stuff. and baby cholic
they will come along too in fact,
they will become just as much at
home in the house as dinner! Then
Fourth. One of these nights, in
"The wee small hours avant the twan,n
you will turn out again. Barefoot an
icy, disconsolate sense Of dampness
all about you. only cotton shirt or
such a matter, between you and the
distressed openness of a cane seat
chair, you viii distractedly rock that
baby back and forth, and bob it up
and down. singing. meanwhile. with
voice like wild OK in a slaughter
yard:
''This thing is playing cut, Mary.
Rock o'bye. baby, on tree top
or some such melody. And all the
time that baby yells. Oh, doesn't
he yell while Mary. up to her nose
under the warm bed covers, to help
out, every now and then impatlently
puts in. just at the wrong place.
why don't you trot him faster. Ed
ward?" And you trot him oh how
you do trot him. If you could only
trOt his wind out so far that he never
could get any of it back, or break
his back or neck, or something, you
would be immeasurably happy. But
no. The little innocent seems tough
er that an Indian rubber car spring.
Just as you are about giving up. con-
Guiding that you must freeze that
there will certainly have to be fu-
neral in the house inside of thirty
six hours. baby willis from sheer ex-
haustion, and then, with teeth chat
tering like Mccormick reaper, you
crawl in by Mary and try to sleep
again.
Fifth. Gradually You glide away
into a tangled maze OF ice. chamo-
mile, more ice, skating weather,
steam-whistle voiced babies, Jockey
club, sleigh rides, crinoline immense
as the old bell at Moscow. Indian
ambuscades, snow storms, and forty
other equally cheerful things, sud
denly
Sixth. A snort, thrash, q wild
throwing upward of little arms and
legs. and then keen and shrill comes
that terrible ''ah-waah ah-waah,'
a-again, II guess you wake up don't
your"
Get the paragoric and a teaspoon
quick y says Mary. in a sharp, stac-
cato tone, and why don't you get it 2"
In just three-eights of a second
you are Grecian bend out there on
the cold floor dropping paregoric in
teaspoon.
Hurry Gracious little Ed. desert
bing diaholical curves with all the
arms and legs he's got. and scream
ing one hundred to the square inch,
and Mary rearing around there in
the bed making rocking chair Of
her back. and yelling, by, byO," like
a wild Camanche on the war path
Oh, no; circumstances are not such
as to make you hurry any. And
then to think that as days and per-
haps years roll on there has got to
be more and more yet of just such
distressed work