Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1873-07-31
Natural and Unnatural Aristokrats.
NATUR furnishes all the noblemen we

NATUR furnishes all the noblemen we
hav.
She holds the patient.
Pedigree haZ no more to do in making
man aktually greater than he liz, than
pekok's feather in his hat haz in making
him aktually taller.
Thiz IL hard plakt for sum tew learn
The mundane earth liz thik with male
and femall ones, who think they are CRATE
bekause their anceester wuz lucky in the
sopc or tobacco trade, and altho the sope
haz run out sum time since, they try tew
phool themselves and other folks with the
suds
Sope suds IL Il prekrious bubble.
Thare amt nothing so thin on the ribs
az sope suds aristokrat.
When the world stands in need of an
aristokrat, natur pitches one into it, and
furnishes him papers without emmy flaw
in them.
Aristokrasy kant be transmitted, natur
sez so, i'll the papers.
Titles are plan got up bi humans tew
assist natur III promulgating aristokrasy.
Titles amt NV emmy more real use or
necessity than dog collars are
| hav seen dog collars that kOSt three
dollars on dogs that want worth, in emmy
market, over S71s cents.
| This IL a CRATE waste ov collar, and a
CRATE damage tew the dog.
| Natur don't put but one ingredient into
her kind oy aristokrasy, and that IL vir-
| tew.
She vets up the vrtew sumtimes with
little pepper sass, just to make it lively
| She sez that all other kinds are false,
and beleave natur.
wish every man and woman on earth
waZ bloatcd aristokrat, bloated with vir-
! tew.
! Earthly manufactured aristolrats are
made principally out Nv mummy.
| Forty years ago it took about So thou
sand dollars tew make a good-siZed aristo
krat, and innokulate hiz family with the
| same disseaze, but it takes now about coo
thousand tew throw the partys into fits.
Aristokrasy, like all other breed stutfs
haz riz.
1t don't take emmy more vfrtew tew
make an aristokrat now, nor clothes, than
it did in the daze ov Abraham.
Nirtew don't vary.
Virtew IL the standard ov values.
Clothes amt
Tiles aint
A man kan 90 barefoot, and be virtew-
Gus, and be an aristokrat.
DiOgoneze waz an aristokrat.
! HiZ brown stone front waZ a tub, and it
want on end at that
Nirtew will often make yure granddady
| CRATE and yu mean, bi komparison.
Next tew virtew in getting up helthy
aristokrat Gums genius.
TheZe are called branc aristokrats.
| luv tew watch the worldly aristokrats
| they set me tew laffing-i latf tew see how
| jelous they are Ov each other.
! This IL one ov the best ways that haz
bin discovered yet tew pick out the bogus
aristokrats.
Natur's aristokrats aint .elOus Ov each
other emmy more than pure Christians
are.
An American aristokrat liz the most
| ridikilus thing in market. They are gen
orally ashamed ov their ancestors, and if
they hav emmy, and liv long enuff, they
generally hav cauze tew be ashamed ov
! their pOsterity.
| kno ov Avral familys in Amerika who
are trieing tew liv on their aristokrasy
The money and branes Civ out some time
ago.
! 1t iz hard SCRATCHING for them.
! Yu kan warm up cold potatoze and liv
on them, but yu kant warm up aristokrat-
TX pride and Git even a smell
Iu mite az well undertake tew raze a
krop ov korn in deserted brik yard by
manuring the ground heavy with tan
bark.-N. Y WeekEy.