The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1873-11-13
All Sorts of Paragraphs.

Il .
- DELINQUENT subscribers should not permit
their daughters to wear this paper for a bustle.,
There being SO much due on it, there is danger
of their taking cold.
If anybody sees row of buttons coming
down street, let him preserve his equilibriun1
and think not of supernatural agencies
There's woman behind them. .....,. ,.u.
- It has been found out by sad experience,
that fame is not an article that can be relied
on. There is, in fact, nothing certain in this
world but death, taxes and the newspaper. n
- In view of the existing monetary stringency,
every true woman should endeayor this fall, BY
the grace and simplicity of her attire, to show
that her husband has neither robbed a bank
nor been the leader of thieying ring. r.
There is gentleman out West who feels
considerably taken down. He remarked 10 his
wife that it was lucky he didn't meet Miss
-- before he got married, and his wife un-
feelingly put in her oar, eyes, lucky for her"
= It is now announced, on the authority of
that eminent physician" that lis not consld-
cred healthy to rise before eight o'clock in the
morning This applies only to men. Wives
can rise at seven and start the fire, as hereto
fore. .-a,,.. .....,...,
- The King of Italy, writing to Bismarck,
signs himself, our most affectionate cousin,
Victor Emmanuel." The term cousin between
kings and noblemen is merely friendly style,
of address, like "aunty" and "uncle'' among
the Southern darkies.
- A lady writes that she wants music "with
sentimental words that almost silently fow;
from depth of concealed sorrow, revealing a
sad hearts tenderest emotion in a zone that
would melt au iceberg and crrlnble adamant
to dust.' ''~'
Mrs. E. Cady Stanton, at Woman's
Congress in New York, said that wherever girls
have been admitted to educational privileges
on an equality with boys, they have been found /.
superior to the boys. She was sorry for the
boys, but then they have had their day. IS
county, CAL, lady under great excitement,
and while shouting and clapping her hands,
declared she wanted to die then and there.
Her wish was granted, for she almost instantly
fell back and died in few minutes. The ex-:
citement was more than her delicate frame
could bear.
- "Father, was Greeley elected ?" asked an
unsophisticated twelve-year old of his Repub-
lican sire. Starting up with astonishment the
latter answered, "No why do you ask such a
foolish question ?" because" said the boy,
''you said last fall if Greeley was elected there
would be panic, and everybody says there is
panic now, so I thought Greeley must be
elected" ..5~ aIs
- The most extensive family wedding on
record occurred the other day i'll Cincinnati.
A widowed mother, three sons and two daugh-
tiers were all married at once. The cost of the
rites was put at wholesale rates. 1t is observed
sagely by local newspaper that perhaps this
is the commencement of system of domestic
economy which will save many sixpence for
rainy day.
= The other day, at a concert, gentleman
having put his hat upon chair to keeps
place returned to claim it after a short absence.
The hat he found, sure enough, where it had
been left, only there was stout lady sitting OIL
it. "Mada,n," said he, "you are sitting on my
hat" The lady blushed a little, turned round,
and said in the blandest manner, "Oh, beg
pardon. I'm sure thought it was my hus-
bands %
- "You hev heern, gentlemen Of the jury"
said an eloquent advocate-"you hev heern the
witness swar he saw the prisoner raise his gupj
you hey heern him swar he saw the, flash and
heerd the report you hev heern him swar he saw
the dog fall dead you hev heern him swar
he dug the bullet out with his jacknife, and
you hev seen the bullet produced in court but
whar, gentlemen, whar, ask you, is the ma.
that saw that bullet hit that dog ?' ,. -.t..
"A clergyman informed his people at the
close of his sermon that he intended in few
days to go on mission to the heather. After
the congregation was dismissed, nu2iber of
the members waited for their pastor and
crowding around him, expressed their as
tonishment at the new turn in his affairs, ask
they would be deprived of his ministrations.
He said to them, MY good friends, don't be
alarmed-I am not going out of town." s.,.
The most difficult thing to do in the world is
to collect money enough to build great monu-
ment. Look at the Washington monument at
the national capital, which, by this time, ought
to be at least mile high. And forty.one years
ago, they began to raise money in Massachu-
more than one-third of the necessary fund has
been raised. And the chances are that, if you
were to go to the man who has the money in
charge and ask him for it, it would take him
at least six months to recollect what he has
done with it.
- We heard good joke from Texas the
other day, which was more amusing as it was
told than we can make it in print. A planter
two bales of cotton, and drop of rain had
never fallen on either of them. They were of
exactly the same grade, and without the slight
est difference in any respect. He carried them
to Sherman. A cotton buyer sampled them
both and offered the highest market price for
one bale, "but," said he to the planter, ''the
other bale looks little stormy" The planter
discerning the object of the buyer, exclaimed,
"Why, that cotton has never heard it thun.
der |"
TIE WESTERN Corn AND Pork CROP
The Chicago Commercial RericD, of Friday
publishes table of replies received by pro-
vision house of that city from correspondents