South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-12


gets the cleft, more aud more powerful! gets
the squirt.
ssy AN old lady describes a genius as
ga man what knows n,re'u he eau fud out,
and spills vil,els on his Clothes"
cT"SIR," said a little clustering man
TO . religious opponent, $50 VIVA, sect do
you suppose belong2' well, [ don't
e1'c'ly know" replied his opponent, "bu,
90 judge from your size, appearance, and
constant buzzing, should think you be-
lopged to the class generally called insect. !"
~A AN Arkansas editor Il inns tina, hi.
town il the home Of lady who is now 73
years old, aud who has hidden her face in
her pocket handkerchief at the graves of
seven hu band. This s,rikipgly l as,rate,
the tendency II widows to rem.rry.
ES THE we'll disposed people Of tho city
OF Slrinlf Id are troubled with model
fault ioder-a man who il so mean as e.
quarrel with his wife abont politics OF The
newspapers she siufs her hustle with.
rTTHE King of Ashantee has 333
vives, and still be is no. happy.
S"FATHER, you whipped mo the 9th
or day for biting Tommy eyes, you
hurt him, aud shall always whip for Bit
Ing" "Well, then, father, | wish you
would whip sisters music teacher, for be
bit her on the mouth this morning, and |
know he hurt Der great deal, for she pu.
her arms around his neck aud tried to choke
CD him.
@WHAT is that which has a mouth
aud never speaks, aud bed in which il,
never sleeps' A river.
@DuRING ths late gallo at Nova SEQ
Tia, barber took stroll to witness the
destruction in process, and while contem-
plating tho ravages of the storm, some one
came running up to him aud exclaimed -
"You have more need to be ut home-your
shops blown down !" Good man." cool
" replied the barber, chow Gao that be
when I've got the key in my poke, %
ES AN applicant for pair Of boots at
one of cur stores was asked what number
he wore, and replied, as soon as be could
recover from his surprise, "Why, two. Of
course"
DIHE reason an urchin gave for be-
ing late at school on yesterday was, that
the boy in tho next house was going to
have dressing down with bed cord, and
he waited to hear him howl.
EyAN Indiana woman, whose sui. for
divorce had fingered along until sho was
completely out of patience, burst into her
lawyers office, her face radiant with low
and exclaimed: esquire, tho old mans
dead"
sN~"DEAR old Aunt Mary" said
school girl, "don't see very well, and last
Sunday she was buzzing around getting
ready for church, looking for umbrella,
specs, overshoes, and Last, but not least.
her prayer book. The latter che though
she had secured by grabbing something #
her bureau at the Int moment. bur when
she got TO church it proved to be- my nu,i
cal-box, and the old lady, in trying to fad
her place 10 THE uncommon book cf prayer,
touched the spring ard II went fl in Gnr
style to The tune Of 80 JIm Along. Jim
Alopg JOsry."
Es-"WHAT makes you feel uncomfor.
table when ynu have done wrong 2" asked
teacher VIII" was leciuring hi. pupils on
conscience My fathers leather strap an.
sWered boy.
e6-"YoU must be q'rrelsome fellow,
said pbreuolpgist to man whose bump.
DO was examining. "S,j that again aud
Ill knock you down." was the response.
EE MrNIsrERsof the infcrior-Tbe cook
and tho doctor.
WuAT is the difference between
farmer and bottle Of Wbiskey One hus.
bands tho corn and the other corns the
husband.