Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1873-07-10
HUMOROUS.

When you hear man say this world
owes him living, don't leave anything
around loose.
An Iowa paFer proclaims itself an
ihonest paper" and in another para
graph SAYS, ''When a man processes
honesty nowadays, keep your eye
peeled for thief"
The ghost of Noah Webster came
TO a spirituaI medium at Albany, not
LONG since, and Rrote on slip of pa
per, ssIt is tite tines Noah was right,
but we are sorry to see he has gone
back on his dictionary.
"How like its father it is," ex-
claimed the nurse on the occasion of
christening of a baby whose father
was over seventy, and married a young
wife. "Very like" replied a satirical
lady; 'hasn't a tooth in its head"
A man who had his new hat sx
changed for an old one ina BARRIERS
shop advestised that unlesst is return
ed he viii forward to the wife OF the
person who took it the letter found con-
cealed in the lining of the old one.
The Baltimore BOYS know what
fun is. A party of them covered a cat
the other night with a robe Of tar and
hemp and set it on fire 1t made live
" illumination, and induced the cat to
sing q dirge which was very diverting
Baltimore is a city of schools and
churches and monuments, and there
ought to be more of Them, especially
the monuments.
Texas is a large and sparsely pop
ulated State, but the people appear to
be doing their best to fill it up. There
is a man in Waco who is the father of
fifty children, thirteen by his first wife.
eighteen by his second, ten by his
third, six by his fourth, and three by
his fifth wi e, who at last accounts was
still living. .tfrF OH -tE
A serious charge has been bro't
against a school teacheri in Illinois, the
specifications of which are: 81. I'm
moiraltyl 2. Parshality 3. Keep
ing disordlY schoal - A. Carrying un-
lafe wepingsr' The. committeeman
Who wrote the charge thinks OF
running the school himself next quar-
ter
Some innocent young ladies at Port
Crescent, Mich, wanted some maple
sugar, few days agoI so they equip.
ped themselves with a meat ak and tin
pan, and went out behind the house to
tap some trees. While one hacked
and lacerated the trees in a frightful
manner, the other stood with the pan
in hand, ready to catch the sap as ii
flew; but after tapping q pine, three OF
four ashers and several oak saplings
they concluded it vas poor time fol
sap.
A newsmOhger, hard up for an item
perpetrates the following: David
King of Israel, while sitting on little
balcony in the rear of his palace one
lazy summer day, just after dinner
smoking his brirewOod pipe, beheld
Beersheba, the beautiful wife of Uriah
the Hittite, taking bath David put
on his Sunday clothes and sought ar
introduction. From this acquaintanc,
arose scandal which set all the gos
sips in Jerusalem agog, and the affair
.afterward cost David a great deal o
annoyance and about five hundred dol
lars in cash.
A veteran observer asks "What be
comes of all the men who in youth ex
hibit high talents, and give promise OIL
brilliant future % Although the ques
tion is not put to us Individually, YET
we take the liberty of replying that they
may be seen enveloped in white apron.
and squirting from behind diamond
clusters, as bar tenders; they command
canal boats and street cars, and occa
sionally, one with more ambition thar
the others, becomes q manufacturer o
root beer and other pleasant and re
drcshing drinks--iSts Louis D DeDaocrat
Detroit has what it caIls''a funn,
man." Anold zmansnamed Gregg, wht
mends furniture for a living, was sit
ting in his shop recently, when stran
ger entered and asked the loan Of
dollar. Gregg bounded at the impu
dence of the request, and the strange
began laughing uproariously and shu
and bolted the door. The strange
then took off his coat, rolled up hi
sleeves and stepped up and seized M
Gregg by the hair and lifted him up
foot or SO. Gregg attempted to cal
the police, but the funny man seizet
him by the throat, nearly choking bin
to death. "Why don't you laugh P
said the stranger, saying which he be
gan to tWig his nose. A stair ROD the
came into requisition.- Gregg bein
constantly requested to laugh. Seein
that his life was in danger, he di
laugh, but it was not hearty laugl
and accordingly the stranger bega
hitting at his feet with Il hatchet. 1
pair of shears was then produced, an
the man began cutting off his hair un
til his victim was left bald. He the
cut off Gregg's whiskers and tickle
his feet with an old curry-comb, threa
ening to stab Gregg if he made an
alarm. Growing tired at last. th
stranger said he guessed he would g
He was not in need OF any money, b
said, but he liked to meet man VIII
could appreciate fun; and he went on
The carpenter was alive at last a.
counts, and the funny man is still
large. 1t is thought the ease is Oh
of emotional insanity.
Five Steps.