The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-02-06

HOW TWO YOUNG BLOODb TOOh IN nv A]'1A<AA
APoLIs DEACoN-DANGERs OF KEEPING A
PRIVATE BoTrLE-MoR Al EFFECTS OF
THE DEACoN's TEMPERANCE LECTURES.
Among the many truly good and eminently
pious and temperate movements and exem-
plars of cardinal virtues it possesses, Indiana
polls can boast of no brighter or more shin-
ing light than certain deacon, 'hose earth
lytaternacle and temporary abiding place is not
far t1om Washington street. His name might
be McScruggins, or If that is not the cogno-
men by which he is known, it viii answer all
purposes ju as well, though there is latent
doubt in the mind of the reporter that while
the Mac part of the deaconal patronymic Is
all right, the Scruggins part OF it Is spelled
with some variations in the city dictionary.
Be that as it may the story which mi hit point
a moral or adorn q tale, lies notin whether the
deacon is known among rhe world by the eu-
phonious and beautiful title by any means;
nor Is it necessary to go into the bygone years
when the ancestral pregenitors, the Pilgrims,
landed to search geneologies so far as to ferret
out to certainty whether the name be exact.
ly correct or no. The deacon, at all events,
keeps boarding house. Of this there is not
the least doubt, and the proof of it is endur.
ingly impressed on the minds of his guests by
"reminiscences of the gutta percha bee6teak
and other regulation boarding house staples
which he has for years furnished people for
| weekly stipend, and under delusive impress
| sions, shared in by keepers Of private hostel
! ries, that the same went toward making up
| the comforts of home supposed to be sup
piled by those engaged in keepiI 8 hash dis
pensaries. Among the guests making the
Hotel de McScruggn their temporary abiding
place were two young clerks, known as Tom
an Harry, for shoit, registering blades, who,
alter office hours, were wort to take uch
more kindly to the ardent decoction found be-
hind bar than the solids dispensed for the
small sum of nine dollars week from the
deacon's table. Both of them could swear
either right or left handed with infinite
grace, and evinced an agility in handling
long and expressive profanity that showed
much painstaking and long practice. For
these shortcomings they were occasionally
| hauled over the Goals aud treated to long
discourses on the evils of intemperance by
their host, who apparently looked with hor-
| ror on all kinds and mixtures of head-bus-
tiers, no matter on what pretext they might
be imbibed. But he doesn't advocate total
abstinence quite as much as has been his
custom, and the cause of his silence develops
pretty good joke played upon the volun eer
disciple of Cough. Tom and Harry, week
ago, had been out on an Unsuccessful raid,
having started under mistaken idea that
they had the ability TO make corner in
Bourbon. As is usual, from time immemo-
rial, the attacking party on the stronghold Of
King Bourbon got the worst of it, and when
they took their way homeward at late hour,
they enlivened the quiet morning with vocif
erous if not musical renditions from ''We
Won't go Home till Morning" and in default
of night key there was an attempt to open
their boarding-h house with picket wrenched
from the door yard fence. The escapade
| brought from the deacon-who, by the way,
is an uncle to ore of the lads--a long and
prosy lecture ON the vices of intemperance the
next morning Neither Of the young baccha-
mails said much in reply, but did considerable
/ thinking all the time. s
When the thing was over the uncle went
to church and the nephew went up to his
uncle's room, and, as if possessed with a
new idea, he r1mmaged around in q locality
seemingly well known to him, and after
some sea,ch brought out myste ious long
necked black bottle. and tasted of its con-
tents. The investigation seemed eminently
satisfactory, and the preliminary sip was
succeeded by long pull at the temperance
deacon's liquor, which was next handed over
to Tom, who investigated with equally sat
isfactory results, guing his lips to the orifce
in a was that developed remarkable power
OF producing vacuum in space, especially
for one SO young. The graceless youth then
gave in a unanimous verdict that the deacon
was pretty correct judge of liquors, even II
he did talk temperance to others. They next
took the bottle to their own room, adjoining
that of the volunteer moral instructor,
and Tom, after carefully pouring out
the deacon's French brandy to q
pretty low ebb. filled it with a vlllainous
compound of hair dye, shook up the contents
until they would pass pretty well for genu
inc "snifler'' of good number one brandy, t,
the nasal organs at least. The ungodly youth.
, then placed tue new mixture back In the OLE
place, ald sat down to an interesting & me o
poker, quietly awaiting McScruggin's return
with as clear consciences as ii they were in
cipient John Howards or worthy objects fo
Sunday school biographies, ins cad of bein.
!, engaged In Setting up things" for trul
pious and temperate pillar among the faith
, full. Like reporter when he is watching al
icy spot on the pavement in front OF a theatr
they possessed their souls In patience, wei
aware that their ruse would give them res
on temperance. Sure enough, dinner tint
came, and with it the deacon, who straight
way went to his secret nook, cautiously haul
ed ont his spiritual comforter and took a lonj
and healthy pull at the mixture. He finished
up rather hastily, however, in consequence o
knock being given by Tom on the door, anS
his sudden appearance in the room wishin!
for the loan OF poker. The deacon had 9th
er fish to fry, he was too busily engaget
Just then to tai about pokers, and as he no
ticed the grin on the young scamp's tace, hi
countenance, between the eontor.ions causet
| by ths nauseous mixture he had swallowed
| assumed a phase which plainly indicated u
the joker that II he got any poker from tn.
!. deacon it would be in the way of whacl
over his Uranium. So b, beat a sudden re
. treat. The disciple of total prohibition i
theory had one of the liveliest experiences II
sea-sickness that afternoon on record, but b
don't talk temperance to any great exten
| opv mara Tom and Harrv vuerp told III
: they might consider things even, after he ha,
, recovered his equilibrium, provided they sal
nothing about hair dyes or mysterious blacl
! bottles This they promised to do, but th
, secret was too weighty to be kept by tn
: youths who thG next day called in the aid Q
D a number of scanps to help at the task. Thu
it was that the good McScruggirs' efforts t
incplcate sobriety have been neutralized, an
, hence the cause of his lips remaining sealed