The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The Rochelle Independent has adopted thc
ouarto form. Editors should be careful
about taking the stuff in any form, whether
in the ouart-o or pinto. Ithas knocked many
manly form into pr.
Pomeroy has earned the title Of Duke OF
York.-Er.
No, he was the Dupc of York. He has
learned little game, "Pom." has. 1t Is
worse than seven owet;" it is $1,000 out.
A Kentucky man lately committed suicide
because he was $50 wicked" 1t will never
do to encourage that sort Of thing lii
Indeed it wouldn't There wouldn't be
radical editor left in the state-if they have
courage enough to follow suit to that Ky
fellows lead
Here is how they do it among the
"Greasers;"
Mexico has no Credit Mobilier, but it has a
game called draw poker. A representative OF
one of the leading railroad companies recent
ly lost 100000 while playing with some of
the government authorities, and his subsidy
scheme got through their Congress- Without
any difficulty.
The Sterling Standard says that chimney
in that city refused to draw the other morn
ing, and an investigation of the cause dis
closed the fact that an owl had got in a ilue.
He flew in the flue and the smoke flew in the
room, the flew to investigate, and the owl
never flew again.
Says the Vorld.:
The Commercial Adcertiser, venerable
grandmother of the press of New York, has
put on a spick and span new dress, dyed her
gray hair, swallowed her false teeth, and en-
tered with youthful zcst upon Immortality.
Out in Nevada, where lynch law is supreme
and its execution frequent indulgence, they
call it performances by the string band"
The Freeport Bulletin says:
The troubles of Ogle county doctors are
more than they can bear. II patient re
covers, he never pays his doctors bill, ana II
he dies, his relatives kill the doctor. Also,
we learn that there are only five or SIX For
reston noses which haven't been frost-bitten
this winter and they are greatly stuck up
over it.
Wendell Phillips is ashamed that he is Il
man, and Susan b. Anthony regrets that she
is a woman. Hadn't they better marry and
then arrange matters OF sex as deslrcd.-Peh1U
Register.
We second the motion. Here is u chance
for the venerable Grower Wendell to commit
Susan-aside, by marrying that eminent
cackler. He would soon become posted on
the philosophy of " storms" He would never
need to lecture in public again-he could get
private ones enough at home.
This is the season when the little ones run
out and catch lots of Group, and mothers
soothing syruply administered alternate doses
of slipper and advicc.-Er.
Rumor has it that gushing damsel and
mooncyed youth at Normal University, not
long since, rushed off to Chicago and were
married. Returning, they resumed their
places in school, and no one knew of it until
"coming events cast their shadows before"
--fdzette.
1t is said that Texas poet has written an
epic called the Railroad to Heaven" If
there were really Il railroad both TO heaven
and to hell, there are millions of respectable
travellers in this world who would take the
road which furnished the best accommoda-
tions, or happened to be the most liberal in
the distribution of complimentary tickets
L0uiSDtUe C0urier.JOarndL
The Illinois members of the legislature
would take either route, as they would have
passes and are good travellers.
A man at Houston, Texas wanted to give
something toward paying off the church debt
and not having any money he laid six
shooter on the contribution boy-Er.
Nothing remarkable, as revolvers are the
only circulating medium recognized there,
though they often put stop TO the circu'
lation.
AQu0 Scommonta is the latest name coined
for Chicago paper.
We still adhere to tho name we long ago
gave 1.-THE true Interpretation of the Inter.
Ocoae is Betneen Drinks.
We discover that our exchanges ire rradu.
ally adopting for regular loaters in and about
saloons, the name of saloon.atics. We claim
a patent right on the name.
San Francisco girls are luxurating in white
dresses and going barefooted while they play
croquet.
The Joliet Sun makes fine point on Henry
Ward Beecher, showing the vast difference
between preaching and practice:
In one of his Chicago lectures, Henry
Ward Beecher says: mo man has right
10 money unless he earns it, every man ought
10 give an equivalent for every dollar he
holds" and then he went to the lecture COM
mittee and drew $1,000, for two lectures of an
hours duration each.
The Joliet Sun and the Republican of the
same city are having debate. Here is a
Sun stroke:
Utterly disrcgarding the well known habits
of his species, the editor of the ReBdbtican
persistently barks at the Sun instead of the
moon.
Here is another:
1t Is generally believed that Pertect's next |
line of defense will be insanity, as he is |
constant reader of the Joliet Republican, and !
occasionally manifests other symptoms Of
alteration of mind