The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1873-02-27
A Bachelor on Babies.

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The Following, from California paper,
is supposed to have been written by
bachelor, who, when very young, wander
ed off into the mining regions of Eldora-
do; and hence lost all recollection of his
early youth. We give the description as
we And it'll 1s - .so-'1f.'@
.sBabies are bundles of clothes with yel-
low heads" Some months ago. ] receive
ed letter from the Royal Geographical
Society, informing me that this defini-
ton was inaccurate as, In tropical eli
mates, babies had black, faces, and we're
frequently found without any. clothes
worth speaking of This don't believe
have often seen black men at St James
HaIl and elsewhere, but who ever saw a .
black baby 4 Il wrote back, saying that.
if Dr., Livingstone, when he came honne,a
brought, among his specimens of other.
insects, any black babies, / should have
great pleasure in inspecting them and
giving him certificate; that is, provided
they didn prove stuffed seals or large
cockroaches. s.ss..ee ~
There are great number of babies in
/ the world Most of them are, however,
kept out of sight in cradles, hen-coops,
attics, and old clothes baskets. A. man
! once told me that the reason of this is.
| because. if they were allowed to crawl
about the streets or the parks, no one
could stir out for fear of walking on them,
or tripping over them; in;either of which
| cases, the people so doing could be pros
ecuted by our friend Bergh. i,
Babies are nearly all the same size.
When very small, they .arescalled infants,
| and fed on butter, brown sugarTand tur-
pentine. Sometimes turpentine rises to
! their heads, and they behave in most
/ outrageous manner. / once saw an in
l FAINT who had drank too much turpentine
! sitting ON "a pillow on the ground, yelling
at q espeetable-looking. old lady, the in
/ fant's grand aunt, who had lot of mon
I ey in the funds. Whenever she pointed
her finger at the infant, lit yelled louder
than ever, and tried to bite. The grand
aunt left the house, and settled all her
| married women
The education of babies is generally in
a very backward state; indeed, they do
not seem to know much. of the English
language beyond the words papa
''Inana," ''rile, ego ''by !" Their at
tampts at French are even worse; they
are continually using such low French as
"ajou,'. 'day-day," s.basba, and by =
t A man once told me he had no doubt
that babies are descended from negroes,
for they always say me for n loas
j Bablessde not differ much in temper,
stze or disposition. They are violent,
about the size of pillow, and covetous
1 once saw baby with corkscrew, a
pair of tongs a handbell, and broken
hearth-brush, ,eand nothing could induce
it to part from any of them, although it
had got the cofkscrew half way into its
ear, and-thes shandfezof the hearth -brush
altogether downeitssthroat
When you coue near baby, it stretch
es ont its hand and clutches hold of your
neck-tie. This is, the mother tells you,
I a mark of high favor, and a sign that the
baby desires to kiss YOU When you ,stoop
4 forward to kiss the creature, it seizes you
by the hair, and every one but you laughs
1 and says what a precocious baby it is
4 When you sit down you are asked to hold
the baby. You take it in your arms and
hold it on your knee. Immediately it
/ catches hold Of your collar, and tries to
4 stand up on your best trousers, with its
dirty boots. If you don't allow it, the
mother says, 30, do, MIR Soafld-so-
j let him stand up; he is quite. delighted
at having discovered that he ean5stand,
and it won't hurt him" 1t then lays
hold Of your shirt-stdds, and shoots out
4 its finger at your eye and drives a hand
4 sticky with wet sugar into the bosom of
!. your shirt. Not unfrequently it behaves
in a manner, SO unconsiderate that de-
scription is impossible This makes YOU
wish TO put it down and stamp on it with
/ your right foot.1zi esfs 30 -I7Efassa s4z :
Babies, like dogs are not sfoundsswild
in any country, They are always tos be
met with in the vicinity Of mankind. :
they are usually the CONF npanions Of woa
men. In savage eoun tries; when he1nen.
are out hunting tigers with their horses
and dogs. the women amuse themselves
with feeding babies, and Washing scalps
/ and drying beef in the sun; in civilized
countries, when the inIen are cut shoot
ing pigeons OF hunting hares with their
dogs, the women look at babies, and sit
down until their hair grows down to their
/ feet, put on tight dresses, and learn the
names of their chiIdrenS If they have
time after coming in from seeing their
4 friends The most sin gular thing gamong
1 babies is that each onei larger and finer
than any one which has been seen before.
fThe first thing a woman does when she
| takes baby In her hands is to hold.itsat
arms length and say, s1Oh deartR orr Oh, Z
my goodness T. or some other. powerful.
/ words. what fine little fellow, and
only seven months old, too Why, Mrs
| -So5and-soss .babyi as ten months, and athis
| little fellow is twice his weight Upon
my word, Mrs. So-andsso. !. have seen
many a baby, but this is by far the finest !
B Mrs. tSo-andsSo smiles and takes the baby
and shows how it can very nearly stand
when it is held up under the arms and
has its back against the leg of sofa. A.
man once told me that men were de-
scended from babies What Mr. Darwin
said about monkeys was bad enough, but
this is really, carrying matters too far