The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-02-01
VARIETY.

y t1eW-sing-a cat concert
y bad thing to keep-IAte hours.
a leading artiele-A blind mans poodle
\ billiard playing hen is the latest novelty.
The best frontispiece-an honest face.
y new name for tight boots-a corn crib.
Ball Shanks says that courtship is bliss, but
maLrImOny Is blister
Advice to young lades-If you have taper fin
gers mind you don't burn them.
Tie worst kind Of education-to be brought up
by policeman.
TunsluI lyre-a music-teacher who does not
keep his engagements.
FIipkins says there are three sexes-the male
sex, the female sex, and the insects
When Jonah's felIow-passengers pitched him
overheard they evidently regarded him neither
prophes nor loss.
\ young man being asked If he was profess
sIOnal tobacco smoker, replied, - No, n
ehewer-"
boy being asked what name was gwen to res
idents Of the United States, promptly answered
- Taxpayers
When does the captain of q vessel commit self
mutilatiOn? When lie goes shore and leaves
his hands on board
y Chicago dry goods dealer ndvertises '' the
most alarming sacrifice since the days OF Abraham
and isaac.''
The Missouri pigs are so fat that in order to
find out where their heads are it is necessary to
make them squeal, and then judge by the sound.
An editor down south, who served four days on
jury. says he's full Of law that IL il hard to
keep from cheating somebody.
\ doctor went out for a days sport, and com
planned Of having killed nothing. That's the
consequence OF having neglected your business.
observed his wife.
An old lady in Hampshire county SAYS her hus-
band died Of palsy OF plexy, the doctors couldn't
make out which, and she TcckOns she shall go the
same way, it's so heredictOry in the family.
Josh Billings says. Whenever 1 find a real
handsome woman engaged in wimmins rights
Dizziness, then am going to take my hat under
my arm and jine IN the procession"
LOVING LIBERTY.-Paris conversation: " Are
you a Libeal?" sand a deputy to his friend.
t'Oh, no - the reply. - But You love liberty
at least ?'' - Yes, assuredly. my faith. But one
may love an Omeette without being cook
A cotempOrary has the following on the mar
riage of a dear friend: I" He stepped upon the
hymeueal platform, adjusted the fatal moose, and
was swung off into the unsilent bourne whence
he can never return save by the decease Of Mrs /
M'Clum."
TURNING THE TABIEs.-A naughty boy said to
his mother, - You ma, you re always telling
me to behave we'll to the family as 1 do to
company; but why don't You behave the same to
you do to company, and ask me to have |
another piece Ofpie, OF some more oft pudding?'
SYDNEY Smith made it rule never to speak n
word to his neighbor dinner, but fire across the
table, though he once broke the rule when hear
ing lady who sat next TO him say, in low, |
sweet voice, - No gravy, sir He suddenly
& .rned round. and said. - Madam, have been /
looking for a person who disliked gravy all my
life, let swear eternal friendship"
When the fire was sweeping through Pearl street,
IN Boston one Of the largest shoe dealers, seeing
that his stock could not be saved, invited the by
ISLANDERS to help themselves. \ policeman who I
appeared on the spot not advised of the invita- /!
tiOn, Indignantly observed individual pulling /.
pairs Of boots from a before aim. .'NIllaini''
he thundered, - what are you abOut?' a. Trying /
10 find pair Of eights ~ was the response.
Essay on THE Cow.-The iokers are not all |
dead vet. A Hampshire wag put the following
advertisement IN a weekly paper: - Who wants
to buy 4 new mich COW, that is every way kind |
only five years old, and gives fifteen quarts of
milk to a milking?-Jaek Rogers The next
week Mr. Rogers received not less than fifty ap-
plicatiOns through the paper for the cow, which |
were answered thus 50 If | hear of any such |
COW, will let YOU know Immediately. Yours 1
truly, j. Rogers.
closet there - said enraged father To his son,
who had given him just cause of offence. - Were !
IL not that these gentlemen are present, L would /
give you a sound whipping; but you shall have it /
before breakfast The little culp prit went to bed
with a beating heart, and the enjoyments of the /
party were continued TO a late hour. Just when /
the party was about to break up, the closet door I
was pushed gently open, and the little offender /
thrust out his curly head, and with face glist-
ening with tears, desired that the sentence
might be put in immediate execution Father, /
would you just gle me my licks moo, for l Gamma |
sleep without them"
Beeeher said, the other night, that judging /
from the applications he received daily from /.
Young men out Of work, 1t must be the general |
impression that he owned Central Park, Prospect I
Park the custom-house, navy yard and pOstofhce /
He did not hold up his bands and austerely say,
- Young men, 20 west" but many of them had
rushed away from their fathers farms before they
had learned to work; many of them were Of |
sort that would starVe on a hundred acres of good
land, be without shelter in a lumber-ysrd, and be
barefOOted if they owned all the leather in New
York