The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1873-02-27
MR.. DUFFY's VALENTINE.
A Warning for the Weak.
ny MAX ADLER.

B1 MAN hDAIhh'
linn Duffy loved. He was not sin gular
in this-ot6er Duly's had done the same
thing; but it was Jim Dulty's peculiar
fortune that while he loved but one wo'
man. two women loved him. Miss Smith
was the beautiful bluc.Gyed being to
whom he had given his heart, and to
whom no would have cheertully given
his liver or his ribs or any other portion
Of his frame work If the custom Of so.
clety had made such an anatomical
surrender proper. Miss Clamm was the
faded flower who had fixed her battered
and venerable affections upon Mr.. Duty
without any provocation having been OF,
ferred by him, and Mr., Duffy hated
Clamm with quite as much intensity a.
he loved Smith, because Clamm would
aIways fasten to him at the church meet
inps and the evening companies, and
gIsh over to him In the presence oil peo
Die, and insist upon his company home
at the very moment when no had deter
mined to escort Miss Smith.
And so, when St. Valentines day came
round, Duffy thought 1t would be a
cleyeride to send a proposal OF marriage
10 Miss Smith, and at the same timo TO
cool the enthusiasm Of Clamm with an
outrageous comic valentine Of some kind
lie procured one OF these Immediately
and then wrote to his only Smith note
beginning with "Dearest" and ending
yours iii DEATH" Unhappily It came
10 pass that Mir. Duffy placed each Of
these pspers In the wrong envelope; and
while the comic affair went away to
Smith, direct proposal proceeded to
CIamm. Nothing could have been more
unfortunate, for no sooner did the afOre'
said Clamm receive Dufy's note than she
suddenly did up her back hair, put on
her bonnet, assumed her umbrella and
gum shoes, and started by the shortest
known route for james Dufy's residence.
When the front door was opened, she
dashed past the hired girl and into the
sitting.room, where, finding Jim reading
newspaper, she flung her arms about his
neck, and dropped her head upon his
shoulders and her umbrella upon his
corn, and exclaimed:
Take me, take me, James Take me,
desrestl am yours-yours forever !"
As soon as Mr.. Duffy rCgained his pres.
ence Of mind, he struggled TO disengsge
himself, while he attempted to explain to
her that he should not take her; that he
did not want her; that she was not his
forever, or for FIVE minutes; and that II she
did not remove her forehead from his vest
and her umbrella from the vicinity Of his
toe, he should be compelled to call the po'
lice. But Miss Clamm would hear no ex.
PLANTATION. She nestled closer and closer
TO bis walStcoat, and pried into his watch
pocket and plunging her umbrella abou
with such cratic vigor, that MIR. Duly &
left foot continually executed hsll OF TIT
waltz movements In an effort TO save it
most sensitive excrescencG from torture
But at last, when Clamm murmureC
something about fixing tho wedding day
and making It soon, Jim Duffy tore him
self away and fled to the garnet, where hi
locked the door and tied the trap doWr
with rope, lest the invincible Claim
should burst in upon him from that direc
ton.
Meantime, Miss Smith received thu
comic valentine, and recognizing Duffy
handwriting upon the envelope, she wa
deeply panied, and she thoughtshe nigh
indirectly obtain comfort and an explana
ton Of the matter by calling upon he
bosom friend, the sister Of Mr.. Duffy. s.
she sailed out and reached the house.
happened by a very strange coincidence
that her bonnet and cloak bore a kind O
general resemblance to those worn b
Clamm; and Duffy, when he heard tn
door bell ring, looked out from the garre
window, and felt perfectly certain this
the remorsless Miss Clamm had rcturne
for the purpose Of imprcssiDg more frml
upon his mind that she was his lOreve
and he could take her. So Duffy did
most scandalous and ungentlemanl
thing. He emptied bucket Of water OF
OF the window upon the figure below.
Miss Smith went homo damp and II
diguAnt A little while after her returI
Cl1mu, being in pursuit Of her Duff,
called upon Miss Smith, hoping 10 fiE
him there. She waited In the parlor Viii
Miss Smith changed her clothing, al