New Orleans Republican., 1873-08-29
A Congressman Reading HE Own Obitu.
aries.


Either from the heat of the weather. or
exhaustion IRON OverWOrk. or protracted
watchings, or being in love. or debt or
liquor, the telegraph operator at Eau Claire,
Wisconsin, got things so mixed the other
day that whereas he meant 20 say that Mr..
Thomas had committed suicide and Hon.
Philetus Sawyer, NJ. c., had arrived home.
he sent off dispatch announcing that Mr..
Thomas had arrived hone and Hon. Phile.
tus Sawyer, NJ. g.. had committed suicide,
and was no longer NJ. G. bu. 7. NJ, which
signiieth post mortem.
There was the devil to pay the next
morning at the breakfast table Of the Hon.
Tniletus.
The golden sun was riding in the eastern
sky. looking az brilliantly as Professor
Wise's balloon will, if that aeronaut shall
incur the expense of having it gilied the
morning lark, sweet soprano of the air, was
singing If ever l cease to love-" when
Philetus. having taken an appetizer of Ken
lucky Bourbon kept for his own private
use, was slipping his cup of coffee and read
ing the columns Of his morning papers.
Presently his eyes dilated to the size of
his saucer, the paper fell from lis hands
and the contents of his overturned cup
ruined a new pair of breeches. Clutching
the newspaper again. he read with spas
mOdc gaspings:
Our readers will learn with regret of
the sudden death of Hon. Philetus Sawyer.
representative in Congress from this State.
He hung himself with clothes line in his
coalhOuse yesterday. 1t is whispered that
heavy peculations and embellishments pro-
duced temporary alteration of mind, and
gOaded to distraction, the unhappy man
ieaped into tho dark bosom OF eternity"
Phlletus staggered and drew long
breath. and sn atched at another newspaper
the B0sco5s Truthteller, and read the fol
lowing: another warning. Hon. Philetus
Sawyer, member Of Congress, committed
suicide at his residence yesterday, and ter.
minated his existence by putting an end to
his mortal career, which resulted in his
death shortly after. When will men cease
to look upon wine when it is red. and run
after the strange woman whose steps take
hold ON hell 2"
Something like an abrupt and explosive
infractiOn OF the 1rst clause of the third
section of the Decalogue, more commonly
called the Ten Commandments, burst from
the lips of the indignant Sawyer. Still he
heroic&lly maintained his ground and
opened another newspaper. II was the
Eau Claire Sawhorse, which had nominated
him for Congress, and the note of whose
editor he held for $40 borrowed money, said
note being dated July I, 1855, and credited
by one years subscription to the SawhorSe.
And thus he read:
THE mightiest intellect that ever trod the
soil of Wisconsin has spread its wings and
plunged into that mysterious bourne from
which mo traveller e'er returns (Shake.
epeare). Our beloved representative in Con-
gress last night seized the shears of fate
and clipped the thread Of his own destiny.
He drank vial Of laudanum, and was
found standing stiff, stark and erect in his
room, on the following morning, holding
the amended constitution Of bis country in
one hand and the flag of the Union in the
other, his lips set in such manner as to in
dicate that the latest articulation had been
E pluri6us UNum!' He has gone 20 show
the increased pay Of his virtue in the next
world. and the back pay of his superabund-
ant goodness in this. To all who peruse
this feeble tribute of weeping friendship We
say, Go thou and do likewise" Price of
the Sawhorse, one dollar cash or country
produce, as heretofore. Hen,entO mori."
The involuntary suicide picked up paper
after paper, but he could see nothing save
his own obituary, calls for caucuses to take
1.-The melancholy political emergency into
consideration and suggestions from MANY
Voters" 'PrO Bono Yublico' and 'Eox
Populi," urging the election of jerks,
Grimes and Sncoks TO Congress from Saw.
yers district, az the eheet-anchor hope OF
AN imperiled country. The latest intel;-
gence from Wisconsin reports the Hon.
Philetus Sawyer on the warpath, with q
broadax on one shoulder. y Gatling gun on
the other, and holding carving knife be-
tween his teeth, travelling straight in the
direction OF the telegraph office at Eau
Claire. There is evidently "b;oOt on the
face Of the moon" in that quarter, and we
tremble to hear Of the fate of that WTetched
telegraph operator of Eau Claire.