davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
HINTS TO WRITER'S.

|. Be brief. This is the age of tele-
graphs and stenography.
2. Be pointed Don't write all round
a subject without hitting it.
8. State facts, but don't stop to NOR
allze-it's drowsy business. Let the
reader do his own dreaming.
4. Eschew prefaces. Plunge at once
into your subject, like swimmer into
cold water
5. Condense. Make sure that you
really have an idea, and then record in
the shortest possible terms. We want
thoughts in their quintessence.
6. Avoid all high flown language ;
the plain Anglo-Saxon words are the
best. Never use stills when legs will
do just as well.
Write -lAsibly Don'.- let your
manuscript look like the tracks of spider
half drowned in ink. We shan't mis-
take any one for genius though he
writes as crabbedly as Napoleon.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
A HAPPY DADDY.

We are not obliged to tell how the
following funny letter fell into our
hands-all the reader has to do is to
read it and laugh at it. We congratu-
late the new made pa-ri-ent, and hope
he will get over his confusion of ideas
shortly, SO as to be able to tell his baby
from his horse:
DEAR SISTER EMMA: now take my
seat and sit down to take this opportu-
nifty to inform you that I am daddy
at last; that is, 1 suppose L am, for Ad-
die has got nice, fat baby as ever
made up faces. We hope these few
lines may find you enjoying the same
great blessing. Now this is to be strict
ly business letter. Firstly, as I said
before, Addie has got a nice baby.
Nextly, | have swopped away Old John
and think | have got pretty nice
horse, it is a girl and weighs nine
pound-I mean the baby-it is just as
fat as butter, and has good pair of
strong lungs. She is red and has bob
tail-the horse | mean-and white
stripe in her face, and is good driver
she has got blue eyes and a dimple in
her chin-I mean the baby-and just
the prettiest mouth that ever opened to
receive pap; judging from her teeth |
should think she was about six years
old mean the horse now-she is
sound, smooth and kind-I mean the
horse or baby either, now-and the doc
tor says she is the fairest he ever saw,
without any exception-he meant the
baby-I got twenty-five dollars to boot,
not on the baby though, for in its case
the boot is on the other foot and two or
three sizes larger as near as | can find
out am going to harness the horse
now, and 90 after mother, she was born
last night at twenty minutes past nine
i hope you don't think | mean moth.
er or the horse, [ mean the baby. She
is as hearty as pig eat an egg, bis.
cult, and drank three cups of tea
mean Addie-She is getting along nice
ly and if she don't have any bad lucl
she will get along first rate. She il
subject to disorders of the stomach ane
they say that is sign of colic-I meal
the baby-I hope it is, for the nurs
says that colicy babies never die. She
talks about her nose as she takes snui
IL naean- tho nnren-I I'm going to M
it Ediema-I mean the baby. Their
I've been reading this over and Sc
plainly that | amt fit to write. Th
{ amount of it is I'm frustrated; | am
happy daddy, and that accounts for il
so you must excuse me this time.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

HATS OFF.-Dio Fewis accounts for
the badness of men in very simple
way-their habit of keeping the head
constantly covered. He says you never
see man lose hair below where the
hat touches his skull. 1t will take it
off as clean as you can shave it down
to exactly that line, but never hair
below, not if he has been bald fifty
years. The common black stiff hat, as
impervious as sheet iron, retains the
heat and perspiration. The little air.
glands, which bear the same relation to
the hair that the seed wheat does to the
plant above ground, become weak from
the presence of the moisture and heat,
and finally become too weak to sustain
the hair. 1t falls out, and badness ex-
lists. A man with a good head of hair
needs very little protection where the
hair grows. "And yet" he says 1--WE
men wear immensely thick fur caps,
and what amounts to sheet iron hats,
and do not dare step out in chilly at
mosphere moment lest we take cold.
1t is silly. weak, and really a serious
error. The Creator knew what he was
about when he covered mans skull
with hair. 1t has very important
function in protecting the brain. Bald
ness is a serious misfortune. 1t will
never occur in any man who will wear
such a hat as do-a common high
silk hat with five hundred holes through
the top, so that there will be more holes
than hat This costs nothing the hat
ter will do it when you purchase your
hat If the nap be combed back the
wrong way, and if after the holes are
made it be combed the right way, no
one will ever observe the peculiarly.
The hat will wear quite as long-the
hatters say considerably longer-because
it is dry instead Of moist; ill brief,
there is not a single objection to it,
while it will certainly prevent badness,
keep the top of the head cool, and pre-
vent much headache
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Tobias Hobson was the first man in
England that let out hackney horses.
When man came for horse, he was
led into the stable, where there was a
great choice, but he obliged him to take
the horse which stood next to the stable
door: so that every customer was alike
we'll served according to his chance,
from which it became a proverb, when
what ought to be your selection was
forced upon you. to say "Hobson's
choice"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
Honest labor bears lovely face.

Honest labor bears a lovely face.
Our wishes lengthen as our sun declines.
The plea of a crow-"Hear me for my
caws 70
Do well and right and let the world
sink.
Weight for the wagon" sang the
fat lady.
Captain Jack wants to be tried by a
jury of Indians.
Hang sorrow! care will kill cat.
Therefore let's be merry.
A majority of the last Congress are
called men of true ''steal."
Death borders upon our birth; and our
cradle stands in the grave.
Never nod to an auctioneer unless you
wish either to buy or be sold.
Moderation is the silken string run
ming through the pearl chain of all viz
tues.
The success of the balloon experiment
now on the carpet, will prove whether or
not 1T Is Wise to cross the Atlantic
Histories make men wise; poets wit
ty; the mathematics, subtitle; natural
philosophy, deep, moral, grave; logic
and rhetoric, able to contend.
Of all the days that's in the week
| dearly love but one day.
And that's the day that comes betwixt
A Saturday and Monday Garth.
A young man who was attending 1
writing school at Danville, Indiana, was
smitten by the charms of lady pres
ent, and at the close of the school press
ed forward and asked if he might escor
her home. 'Yes," said she, ..if yo,
will carry my little boy" He wilted
and the young matron walked hom,
alone. >.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

The following humorous story on
Whitehall is related by the boys at the
lake. An Irishman being 'half seas
over" went on board the steamer Ver-
mont. and when few rods from shore,
he asked Captain Flagg where his ship
was bound for. The captain replied,
.'for Whitehall" Then, replied the
Irishman, ! jump overheard. and suit
ing the action to his words, over he
went. He reached the shore, and when
interrogated upon his venture, said he
would rather take ten chances for drown
ing, than one for Whitehall.-Buylsng-
ton Free Press.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
How TO TREAT.-The temperar

How TO TREAT.-The temperance
speaker who strikes at the absurd prac-
tice of treating" among drinkers, puts
in blow where it will do a great deal
of good. Said one recently: '.Now
boys. if you want to be generous and
treat each other, why not select some
other place besides liquor shop? Sup
pose, as you 60 past the post Office, you
say, 4 say, my dear fellow, come In and
take some stamps These stamps will
cost you no more than drinks all around.
Or 60 to the haberdasher's and say,
Boys, come in and take box of collars.
Walk up to groeer's. free and gener-
Gus, and say, What kind of coffee will
you have?' Why not treat to groceries
by the pound as we'll as liquor by the
glass? Or take your comrades to a cut
ler's and say, III stand good pocket
knife all around"
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
Written for the MONITOR
THE DRUNKARD'S STORY.
BY AMY A. wHITTEMoRR,


Would you hear the drunkard's story
One of so much crime and woe9
Would you hear that tale of sorrow,
Which, alas so many knowl
Pass not by with hurried footsteps,
Pause and learn a lesson here;
Though am wretched drunkard,
Yet OF me you need not fear.
was once a sunny p1 1attler,
Full of innocence and glee;
Doting parents fontiiy loved me-
And from sorrow was free.
But to manhood I soon hastened,
With lifes prospects bright and fair,
Bound that in her highest honors
the laurals soon would share.
was held in estimation,
By my friends, and townsmen too.
And the posts of trust and honor
That filed were not q few.
And had my hundred thousand
Which was growing year by year,
And splendid mansion. also
And of want had no fear.
Yet had possessions greater,-
Wife and laughing children fair;
Anna, patient, lovely loving,
Whom with her could compare
Frank, my boy, my darling prattler,
Bessie, blue-eyed little pet
THESE made up my happy household,
Such an one as seldom met.
Had some prophet dared to tell me
Life would be dreary blank,
To the brandy bottle doomed me,
Cause the social glass l drank,
I'd have laughed at all such nonsense,
Telling him that he would see,
Though siped the finest sherry,
Yet no drunkard l would be.
was moderate in my drinking,
But my appetite soon gained,
Feeding on its constant practice
Till my health and wealth had waned.
Fortune failed me; friends abandoned.
All was dark that could see,
Dear, poor Anna and her children,
These were all It were left to me.
Down the fatal path travelled.
Path of sin and shame and woe,
Banished all lite's hallowed pleasures
For the wine-cup's mad'ning flow.
o those years of maddest revel
When those fellows urged me on,
And with 1attering words they fed me,
Yes, that wild and reckless throng
!, all needless of my darlings,
Sought the bar-rOOm and the bowl,
There to drown all grief and sorrow
which the sober moments told.
Knew not they were slowly fading
once my happy household band,
Needed not their gentle pleadings
Then to stay my reckless hand
Bat those bitter years why me ntion,
Years cannot now redeem,
For with them went all my treasures,
could have this foreseen
In the pauper's G rave, unheeded
Lie my wife and children there
None are left to mourn my dying,
None who care how soon or where.
If you'd save yourself the sorrow
And the anguish which know
Shun the cup, though tits beguiling,
For it holds the keenest woe.
Go now, oh, and entreat you
Not to taste one single drop,
For in mercy to your loved ones,
Now, yes now's the time to stop.
ALBANY, VI, July 9, 1873
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

The following remarkable advertise
ment no doubt refers to some printers S
apprentice The reward offered is a
very fair commentary on the present
miserable system or want of system of
printer apprenticeship: Runaway Ap-
prentice-Josiah Brown, an indentured
apprentice to James Marshall, ran away
a short time ago. All persons are here
by forewarned not to harbor him Ten
cents reward will be given for his return
to Mary A. G. Marshall, Administrators
to James Marshall, deceased.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

you. [ -to-sell-a-book! |"
The last sentence was howled. "We
don't want cook" we blandly remark
ed, sour wife does the cooking, and she
wouldn't allow as good looking wo-
man as you are to stay in the house five
minutes. She's very jealous. She
looked at US in despair. Gathering her
robes about her, giving us glance of
contempt and exclaiming, 81 do believe
if three hundred FOUNDER were let off
alongside that old fools head, ID think
somebody was knocking at the door,
she slung herself out and slammed the
door with vehemence that awakened
our Office boy, who can sleep sound
enough for a whole family. When she
was gone we indulged in demoniac
laugh. She isn't likely to try to sell us
book any more.
A LIVELY POST OFFICE BUSINESS
IN MONTANA.
An amusing experience which recent
ly befell special agent of the post Office
department, illustrates the ideas which
postmasters in the far West entertain re-
garding the dignity and Importance Of
their position. The agent commonly
called Mac while officially visiting
various Offices in Montana Territory, for
the purpose Of correcting any irregulari-
ties of postmasters, stopped at Iron
Rod. Going into the post-ofice, he
found the room divided into three Sec
tions-frst, a saloon; next the post
office and the last a faro bank. The
mail bag was brought in, rough look
ing customer opened it. and emptied the
contents on the floor The entire crowd
got down on their hands and knees, and
commenced overhauling the letters,
among which several were registered,
and selected such as they wanted After
they were through, the remaining let
ters were shoveled into candle box
and placed ON the bar. The special
agent, thinking the Office needed little
regulating, asked the bar tender-who
received and distributed the mail-if be
was the postmaster
He answered mo
''Are you the assistant postmaster p
mo"
Where is the postmaster
"Out mining"
"Where're the assistant postmaster 2
--dono Hoifs eany0u and b.
thunder, Bill Jones has got to run thi
Office next week; it's his turn"
The Government official then asket
: who he was, and demanded the keys o
the Office. The bar tender coolly tool
the candle box from the bar, put it ol
the floor, and gave it kick, sending
out of the door, saying:
"Ther's your post Office, and nov
git!"
The agent says: "Knowipg the Gus
D toms of the country, l lost no time i
: following this advice, and got"
: That Office was discontinued.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
Only 35 Cents.
THE GREAT PRIZE STATIONERY PACKAGE:
TRIUMPH!

Contains 10 Sheets Writing Paper. 10 Envelopes,
ps rsnnoluSr, n Lead Pencil, Pens Blank Book.
DoseeI; Tnosogiaphs OF 100 Beautiful Women and
piece Of Ladies or Gents Jewelry Sample package
sent 1y ma postpaid, on receipt Of price 35 cents
paekages i9r % cents or for ST. Send for pack
age u VIII I've the most goods you ever bought for the
money. The prize is often worth more than the price
paid for the entire package and the other articles woud
bring at retail not less than rs cents Don't mass this
try ONE package and you will never buy Stationery
other way. Address J. q RITPpow ''
Lock Box Isl. baltimore Ma
ES-Agents wanted everywhere to sell Packages
Pictures, Books, DC. Catalogues cent free. 1881
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Seamen have a custom. when they
meet whale, to fling him out an empty
tub by way of amusement, to divert him
from laying violent hands upon the ship.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

The old gentleman who put his postal
card in stamped envelope is matched
by an Omaha man who has his money
orders sent by registered letter.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

1t is unreasonable and unwholesome
in all months that have not an r in
their name to eat an oyster.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

At Sabbath School held in W., Au-
rora appeared in new bonnet The
subject of the lesson was in regard to
John the Baptist. During recitation
the teacher who admired the new bon
net. softly asked Aurora. '.who trimmed
your bonnet" She was not little sur
prised to receive the answer John the
Baptist
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Is not old wine wholesomest, old pip
pins toothsomest: old wood burns bright
est, old linen wash whitest? Old sold
iers, sweetheart, are surest, and old lov-
ers are soundest.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Art is long, and time is feeting, and
our hearts. though stout and brave, still,
like mufiied drums, are beating.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Vice is monster of so frightful mein,
As, to be hated. needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

A Chicago Jenkins wrote rapturously
of the toilet of a particular lady at the
jubilee ball. 1t subsequently appeared
that many a lady there was dressed far
more elegantly. Moreover, the lady he
named was not in full-dress toilet. She
was not. in fact, at the ball, being in
Europe on that occasion. With these
trifing errors excepted, Jenkins was
right.
An hour of virtuous liberty is worth
whole eternity in bondage.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Go to Florida, that land of orange
blossoms, beautiful birds, bright suns,
and radiant skies, according to Mrs.
Stowe. Well, some portion of the win
ter months are undoubtedly delightful in
Florida, but for permanent residence,
consider the terrific heats of summer,
the absence of greensward, so pleasant
to the eye, and In its place, sand. the
glare of which is binding; consider the
insects, the feas, mosquitoes, etc., and
also the snake and ugly reptiles, which
abound in the woods. And those long.
trailing masses of dark moss, which in
terlace and cover the trees this feature
Of the scenery to our eyes is extremely
disagreeable. Many profess to admire
this funeral moss pendent everywhere
among the trees, but if we owned a
group of live oaks and homestead at
the South, we would remove every trace
of it, if possible.
Go to California: there we find mild
climate in winter, and the soil produces
an abundance of fruits flowers and grains
But it must be irrigated, as no rain falls
except in the winter. The green eartf
becomes thoroughly parched in summer
and instead of clouds holding moisture
you have clouds of fine dust which per
meates everywhere, rendering existenc,
at times almost uncomfortable. TIL,
droughts which occur in California, to
gethcr with the high winds and sant
storms which prevail in the vicinity o
San Francisco, would deter us from seek
ing permanent home in that section.-
Boston Journal of Chemistry.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Do nothing that is wrong.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

j.. j. HILL,
.tUCCEssOK TO f. P. CHENEY, will continue to
D sell a Large Variety of Sewing and Knitting Ma
ines Orders solicited. Barton Vt.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
AN EARTHLY PARADISE.

A large number of men spend their
lives in seeking for an earthly paradise,
or in other words. men travel all over
the globe striving to find place where
all the conditions of climate, soil, pro-
ductions, &c., are entirely favorable for
health, ease, happiness, and long life.
And do they find such place? No. In
our view no such earthly paradise exists
upon our planet. Undoubtedly some
sections and some climates are more
favorable for persons not in robust health.
and also there are places where the pro-
ducts Of the earth are yielded almost
spontaneously, without toll. where frosts
never chill, and rains never drench
but, are such places desirable for perma-
nent residence E? Not usually. We have
wandered considerably in various direc-
tons, within the last quarter of CEN
tury, and no fact is more unalterably
fixed upon our minds than this-that
earth contains within ner boundaries no
place where the conditions are wholly
favorable for ease and happiness. The
law of compensation holds good every
where. If we cross the Atlantic ferry
to England, we have milder climate,
short winters, rich soil. In summer
the fields revel in rank luxuriance, and
you dwell as it were In the midst of a
garden filled with profusion of beau
tifal flowers. But consider the short
days and long, long nights in winter ;
the long, long days and short nights in
summer the fogs, mists, rain, sleet,
mud, in which you live nine moths in
the year. One day of our bright Amer.
lean sunlight is worth whole month Of
the best sunshine they ever experience
in England. If We go to France OF
Italy, we find what are considered very
mild climates but if one wants to Suf
er from cold, let him spend a winter
in either of these countries. With the
thermometer a score of degrees below
zero, we have never been SO thoroughly
chilled in Boston. as we have in Flor
ence, Rome, or Naples the mercury abov'
the freezing point. Our tight, cosy
comfortable dwellings, warmed by steam
or hot air, more than compensate 70
the comparatively milder temperature o
those places, with their cold, stone house
without suitable apparatus or fuel t
/ vvs...a 1 IA os.~-------------
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

MISS A. j. CUTLER,
1 TILLINERY, DRESS MAKING and pattern rooms
vi Barton, Vt,
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

DRoPRIEToR IRAsBURGH HOUSE, Irasburgh
il VT A good Livery in connection with the
House. Stage leaves for Barton Landing Depot twice
a day 2-24c
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

CUTLER 81 GOSS,
MANUFACTURERS ofCarriages and sleighs,
VII Greensboro, VT.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
w. l.. RUSSELL,
=. STANFORD,

TTNHE SAME OLD CHAP AS EVER, always on
Il Hand at his Post of Trade where Every man
Loves to Trade for Goods in his ne such as HARNESS
and Tnware Livery Stable and Groceries, Vicualses
at his House. and Clipper scythes with other Eatabes
and good place for travellers horses at his barn.
Irasburgh, Vt. 2-24
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

Painting, Glazing Grainng. White
washing and Paper Hanging. All work done in
best style and satisfaction guaranteed. Saws filed
Il 0rda
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21
IRASBURGH.
Il. w. POWELL,

l.. III. THOMPSON,
A TTORNEY, COUNSELLOR AND SOLICITOR
IA Also Bounty and Pension Agent. Irasburgh, Vt
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

E.G. STEVENS,
rtURGEoN DENTIST. At Lttle's Hotel in Barton
ID Village ever, Wednesday. Barton Landing, VT
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

a. ID. MASSEY,
PRACTICAL MASON,
40 Coventry, Vermont.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-07-21

DAVID GILLIS,
NEALER IN HARNESSES, blankets, whips, curry
u combs, &C.. Barton Landing, VT
Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1873-06-25
MARKETS.
New York.

change quiet. Prime Sterling, 81 .09Ial. O9l
Gold, Sl.l5s. Governments quiet with but
little changes in prices. States dull and
steady.
The week opens with dull market in
Southern State bonds. The only transac-
ton was the sale of $4,000 in Virginia con.
soils at 55c. .....
Southern flour quiet, without material
change, $6.00a8.00 common to fair extra,
IS. OOa16.5O good to choice, s.. OOaIO. so.
Whisky firmer, SO. Wheat without de-
cided change, moderate export inquiry.
Corn &c better and in fair demand, 50a54
new mixed western. Pork steady and very
quiet, $l6.50; new mess beef quiet, 9all;
plain mess, $l1.25al2.50; extra, Sll.25d
1850. Lard weak, 15-l6a0.