The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1873-05-22
LOVE AND REVENGE.

LOVE AND REVENGE
Once, in fact, man lived here. He
was OF majestic mein, and besides
that, he was darned mean. He kept a.
store, and sold ready-made hens eggs
and got rich. He had a daughter, and
she was ready maid, too. She was
like her fathers cane. She had a goi-
den head. Her eyes were so bright
that when she peered through the
mist of the future she always started
rainbow for some furlongs ahead.
She wore long furs, too, for she was
Graded in the lap of luxury, She was
sweeter than custard pies, eight bar
rels of sugar and eleven pounds Of
gum drops mixed. She was so sweet
that she ate ripe peaches for pickles,
and SO bright that she had to carry
sunshade in the house to keep from
putting the rest of the family's eyes
out, and scorching the food. Ye gods
a female like that made out of cast
iron, secured once a week, and put
upon an mbrella stand, would be ex-i
queeze-i,. She had lover. It wasJa.
man. He knew that her coffee had
never been sweeteHed with the lessons
of adversely, aud he knew in his in.
most soul that it was diluted with the
milk of human kindness. Uml unit
how that man did love that female,
But the path of true love never did
run smooth, and he got stuck in mud
puddle before he got half over it, as
follows: .G uJlroc1l Z. 81
A robust man of crimson hue saw
this female. To see was to gaze, and
to gaze was to love. He swore an in
ward swear that she should be his, and
l,.a I,op ri hn h0A 10 foH b.
ner father out cian ming with him, and
dump him overheard, and though he
had to shoot his rival with q wine bot
tie loaded with grape shot. = % lel'l
/ Twas night. A real warm couple
stood in the pale, cold, pale moon
beams. Their lips touched, and there
was sound like a COW hauling its
hoof out of the mud. Il female voice
said: i.. laotJ is.. E..a
Alfred, dear Alf, remember at
seven tomorrow night, precisely, or I
will never forgive YOU" (She wanted
to go to the circus.) sd 1stab
He said: g Hattie, dear Hat, I will
be here"
In the shade of tree stood man
who was to knock this circus business
endways. AS they parted he said
f'Aha !" twice, and then dashed into
the thickening gloom and darted alter
his rival cuss. lie followed him to
his home. He raised the window and
he stole his boots. He took those
boots home and then and there he
perpetrated crime unparalleled III
the annals of history. He deliberate
ly took saddle-rock banana skin,and
he half-soled and heeled those boots
with that banana skin. e-..,t... ....
Twas night. The golden stars were
winking at each other (above you will
see the stars.) The moon was show
ing her man to an admiring world.
Grasshoppers had grasshopped for
The last lime that day. The bullfrogs
were singing their evening hymns,
and the cats were warbling their eve-
ming hymns too. Nothing was work
ing, save the emptings in the buck
wheat cake jar. .a.9.j b .tl
A young female, dressed to kill,
stood leaning against q door post.
She was wringing her hands and Yell
ing, ''Cruel, cruel work!" Far better
had she been at her crochet work.
The grease on her golden locks would
have brought ten cents for soap fat.
Only have stuck a wick into it, and
she'd have been candle. She was
wicked enough without it. A shadow
stole across her path. Twas q he
shadow. 1t said "Ahem!" =" She
iahemed back, for she owned patent
ihemmer. 1t advanced steadily, and
exclaimed "Why, Hattie! I" She adj
vanced with cat-like tread, and ejac-
ulated, "Why, Door Git was a dry
Doc.) She spoke one minute-sub-
ject, the instability of man then they
both crooked elbows and glided into
the thickening gloom. This makes
three in the thickening gloom. f.
IA form-a male fOrm-approaching.
1t slides ana shuffies along, tumbling
over lamp-posts aud mackerel barrels.
Doc says to Hattie: sod see 41.fll
81 See there, look! look! alas, how
drunk !"
She shruuk back and clutched Docs
arms more closely, and then exclaim-
ed: s4 .aaf t.s L.,r>a4 .-nl
"Tis, 'taint, 'tisl my long lost Al
fred !"
eyes, and drunk as thunder!" cried
Doc. "df
Twas night again. Alfred was be-
ing kicked off the stoop by Doc and
Miss Hattie's father, assisted by Miss
Hattie. A few months after, Doe led
his blushing bridesmaids, to the blush
ing priest. Then he took her to her
new home-a bran new house--with
tank of water in the top that held q
thousand gallons. ~. -.,........ ........
Time rolled on without wheels
Months flew by without wings. Alf.
thought his legs had gin out. Three
tumbles 10 yard was his only gaitthe
only gait to yard he owned. One
day he sat upon the grass bemoaning
his fate. when goat-they call 'enl
billy-goats because they eat hand bill
sent by some fairy hand, approach
ed and chewed all the bottoms of his
boots off, and on arising he found
himself restored to health. He swore
to be revenged for those banana skins
He dressed himself in the disguise of
his lost loves uncle. lie visited her
one cold, blasty night. He was invi-
ted to make her house his home until
morning. In the dead of night he
arose. He drew forth large angar.
and he stood upon table and, bored
through the wall overhead right into
that awful tank of water. With one
wild shrek, which was its last the
pent-up waters rushed forth and
drowned the whole kit and caboodle
of 'em. Not a vestige of the house
remains. ...... .....