davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
The 1rcar,cst Vet.


Some gentlemen were talking
about meanness, when one said he
knew man on Lexington avenue
who was the meanest man in New
York.
Glow mean is that!' asked a
friend.
"Why, he is so mean that he
keeps a iive-cent piece with n string
tied to it to give to beggars, and
when their backs are turned, he
jerks it out of Their pockets.
"Why, this man is so mean," con-
tinued the gentleman, that he gave
his children ten cents each the night
before Fout Of July, but during
the night, when they were asleep,
he went up stairs, took the money
out of their clothes, and then whip
ped them for losing it"
"Does he do anything else e
Eyes; the other day l dined with
him, and noticed the poor little SER
want girl whistled gaily all the way
up stairs with the desert, and wher
asked my generous friend what
made her whistle so happily, he
said: why, / keep her whistlina
so she can't eat the raisins out OF
the cake y"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08

Grace Greenwood has heard a
little story about pious old lady
in California, who was for q lorg
time i'll with a complication of des-
perate diseases, and prayers on her
behalf were requested i'll the even
ing prayer meetings of her church.
1t was stated that she was very low,
and that she was only kept alive by
eating the tenderest squads, deli
cately broiled. She required about
three a day, and all the young pig
cons in the neighborhood seemed
likely to be inundated on the alter
of her precarious existance. One
evening after the usual solemn re-
quest had been made, followed by
the usual statement in regard to
the poor lady's diet, plain-spoken
deacon arose, and said: Brethren,
we have long been importuning the
Lord to restore our good sister to
health, but it doesn't seem to. be
His will, so / move that we intcrmit
these prayers and give the squads
show"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
A New York Romance.

A queer story is told of two pros
porous merchants in West Broad
way. One of them were married
rather late in life, some two years
ago, and, after he and his wife had
gone to housekeeping, he invited his
fellow merchant to pay them visit.
The latter went, and was much
pleased with the new wife, who ap-
peared to be very young. They
grew to be firm friends. He told
her he could not resist the convic-
ton that he had seen her before, at
which she laughed and said that
was the impression obtained from
all sympathetic natures. Their
cordial relations continued for q
good while, and, one day, the mer-
chantile admirer received q letter
from an intimate acquaintance in
Boston, informing him that his
friend had, some time before, mar
ried an eccentric woman, Mrs. -,
who had the reputation of being
several times divorced. This set
the admirer to thinking and tracing
out circumstances within his l1nowl-
edge. The result was, he discover
ed beyond question that Mrs. -,
the wife of his friend, had, seven
years before, been his own wife,
from whom he had obtained legal
divorce for good and sufficient rea-
son, six months after their union.
Anxious to corroborate this, he
went to Mrs. -, and asked her
If it was not so. She replied in the
affirmative, and without hesitation.
adding that she recognized him
from the first, but did not care to
impart any information he did not
himself possess. She had been lit
orally in the divorce business, hay
Ing had no less than seven lieges in
twelve years. She understood the
art of making herself look young.
and at fve-and-thirty, she did not
appear more than fiye-and-twenty.
1t was the art that had deceived
the friend, and caused him to re-
gard her as somebody else than her
real self.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
NATURES GREAT REMEDY
ron THE
and Lungs.

II is gratifying 10 us 10 inform tho public chat
Or. l.. q. c. Wisharl's Pine Tree Tar Cordial for
Throat and Lung Diseases, has gained an cnviable
reputation from the Atlantic to the Pacific coast,
and from thence TO some of the first families of
Europe, not through the press alone, but by per-
sons throughout the States actually benefited and
cured at Lis Office While he publishes less, so say
cur reporters, he is unable to supply the demand.
It gains and holds its reputation
First, Not by stopping coughs but by loosen
ing and assisting nature 10 throw OF the unheal-
thy matter collected about the throat and bron-
chial tubes, which causes irritation.
Second, 1t removes the cause OF irritation
(which produces cough Of mucous membrane
and bronchial tubes, assists the lungs 10 act and
throw of the unhealthy secretions, and purifcs
the blood.
Third, 1t is free from squills, lobcla ipecac
and opium, of which most throat end lung remc-
dies are composed, which allay cough only, and
disorganize the stomach. Ii has soothing effect
on the stomach acts on the liver and kidneys, and
Emphatic and nervous regions, thus reaching 10
every part of the system, and in its invgorating
and purifying effects it has gained a reputation
which it must hold above all others in the market.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
AGENTS WANTED FOR
THE GREAT INDUSTRIES
c1. I'LL, 1.Nr1n.,.1. -. 49,.
OF THE UNITED STATES.

1900 pages and 800 ongruvings, printed in Eng
lish and Oclman. Written by 20 eminent authors
including John b. Cough. Hon. Icon Case, I'd
ward Rowland, Roy. T.. Edwin HAIL. Philip Ripley
Albert Brisbane, Horace Cheeky, II. B. Perkins,
etc, etc.
This work il complete history OF ali branches
OF industry, processes OF manufacture etc, in all
ages. IL ~ q complete enCyClouodia OF ants ami
monuiucturcs and H. the most emf rtaining and val
uaide woIk oi information ON subjects OF general
interest ever Offered 20 the public. u is adapted
70 the wants of the Merchant, Manufacturer, Me-
chanic Farmer Student and Inventor and sells 70
boih Old ana Young OF all c,Gssos. Tho book !,
so!d by agents, Who are making large sales in ~
parts of the country. &c Il offered nc the low Ire
OF $500, and Is the cheapest work over sold 10y SUI.
scnption. NO family should he without copy;
We want agents in every town In tho L. s., anl
no agent can f'il Go DO well with this book. Our
terms are liberal. We give our agents the exc ,Se
siyc right of territory one OF our agents sqm 10,
copies IL eight days, another 800 in two weeks ~
Hartford our arnt sold 387 in one week. rpc,as
mons OF the work sent 10 agents on receipt y,
stamp. For circulars and terms agents odurcs'
the publishers, J. u. BURR HYDE, lartioi"'
Conn.,, or Chicago, jill. 'tI.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
KING Or THE BLOOD,
TIE MOST TuoRouGH PURIFIER OF THE
nnIannNInEn

BLOOD YET DISCOVERED.
CURES ALL HUMORS, IRON A COMMON
ERUPTION TO TIE WORST SCRoFULA.
by its use Cancers are cured. and
Cancerous tumors are dispersed without the sur
geon's knife-Scrofula conquered and Consump-
tion prevented and cured.
Venereai Diseases, Mercurial and Miner
al Poisons, and their effects cradicated and vgor-
GUS health and sound constitution established
Female Weakness and Disease;
Dropsy general or partial; Swellings external or
internal; and Tumors are reduced and dispersed
Esryslpeins, Salt Rhcum, scald Head, and
FeyerSores are soon removed by this powerful
detergent medicine.
or Rough skin, and Pimpes quickly give way,
leaving the skin smooth and fair.
Chronic Diseases, Fever and Ague, Dis
ordered Liver, Dyspepsia, rheumatism, Nervous
Affections, General Debility, IN short. all the
numerous diseases caused by bad blood are con-
quercd and give way before this most powerful
corrector the King OF the Blood
Each bottle contains between forty and
nifty ordinary doses, costing only one dollar.
From one TO four or five bottles will
cure Salt Rheum. Scald Head, Ring Worm Pim-
Piles on the Face, Biles, ordinary Eruptions, etc.
From two TO eight bottles will euro
Scaly Eruptions of the skin, Ulcers, Sores, and
Canker in the Mouth and Stomach. Erysipelas, etc.
From two 10 ten bottles will restore
healthy action to the Liver and Spleen, win reg
ulate the Bowels and Kidneys
From two 10 six bottles win be found
efectual in curing Neuralgia, Sick-Headache, 81.
Nitus' Dance. and Epilepsy.
From Ave TO twelve bottles will cure
the worst cases of Scrofula.
From three 10 twelve bottles will
cure severe and obstinate cases OF Catarrh.
From two 90 four bottles Will cnre tho
worst cases OF Piles. and regulate Costive Bowels
From two TO ten bottles will cure
price 81 per bottle, or 9 bottles for So.
Sold by all Druggists
ID. RANSOM, SON l. CO., Prorr's,
Seetestimonials In local column. Bulals. Ne IA
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
The Printer and His Type.

The following Deautliul eA'Iac'
is from the pen of Benjamin r.
! Taylor, the printer-poet:-
Perhaps there is no department
of enterprise whose pupils are less
understood by intelligent people,
than "the art preservative'-the
achievement of types.
Every day, their life long, they
are accustomed to read the news
paper, and find fault with its state
ments, its arrangements, and Its
looks: to plume themselves upon
the discovery of some acrobatic
type that gets into a frolic ana
stands upon its head, or some waste
letter or two in it; but, of the pro
cess by which a newspaper is made,
of the myriads of motions and the
thousands of pieces necessary to
| its composition, they know little
and think less.
They imagine they discourse Of
wonder, indeed, when they speak
Of the fair white carpet, woven for
thought to walk on, Of the rags
that tluttered upon the back Of the
beggar yesterday.
But there is something more
wonderful still. When we look at
the hundred and flfty-two little
boxes, somewhat shaded with the
touch of inl1y fingers, that compose
the printers cease" noiseless, eX-
cepi the clicking Of the type, as
one by one they take their place in
the growing line-we think we
have found the marvel of the art.
We think how many fancies in
arrangements there are in the box
es, how many atoms of poetry and
eloquence the printer can make
here and there, if he had only a
little chart to work 10y, how many
facts in small "handful' how much
truth in chaos.
Now he picks up the scattered |
elements until he holds in his hands |
a stanza Of "Gray's Elegy," or a
melody upon Grimes "All button
ed up before" Now lie sets "pup-
ply missing" and now paradise
Lost" he arrays bride in "small
,aps," and a sonnet in "nonparcil )"
he announces the languishing "live"
n one scntence-transposes the
etters and deplores the days that
IRE few and "evil" in the next.
A poor jest tricks its way into
he printers hand like a clock just |
down, and a strain of elo-
luence marches into the line letter
by letter. We fancy we can tell
the difference by hearing by the |.
ear, but perhaps not.
The type that told q wedding
yesterday announces a funeral to-
morrow-perhaps the same let
ters.
They are the elements to make
world of-thosc types are world
with something in it as beautiful as
spring, as rich as summer, and as
grand as autumn flowers that frost
cannot wilt-fruit that shall ripen
forever.
The newspaper has become the
log-bool< of the age. 1t tells us at
what rate the world is running
we connot find our reckoning with
out it.
True, the green grocer may bun
die up pound of candles in our
last-expressed thoughts, but it is
only coming to base uses, something
that is done times innumerablc.
We console ourselves by think
ing that one can make, of living
oak, bridge for time-and he can
fling over a chasm of the dead
years, and walk safely back upon
the shadow sea into the far past.
The singer shall not end his song,
nor the soul be no more.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
What Goodness Did.

1t was during the terrible cholera
year, 1880, in Russia. Five hun
drod fell victims daily. The report
was started, and it spread like Wild
fire, that they were poisoned by
the physicians. A furious mob.
armed with those axes in the use of
which the Russians are so dexter
Gus, rushed to the market-pIace.
NO man knew where their fury
would fall. The tumult might end
In an instruction. The tidings
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-04-08
AGENTS WANTED FOR
The Funny Side of Physic.
500 Pdaes, $50 E10yoy;o0s.

y startling oSTosc of Medical Hurnbugs Of the
past and present. 1t ventilates Quacks, Impos-
tcrs, Travelling Doctors Patent Medicine Nend-
eIa, Noted Female Cheats, Fortune Tellers and
Mediums, and gives interesting accounts of Noted
Physicians and Narratives OF their lives. IL re-
yeas startling secrets and instructs all bow 10
avoid the ills which flesh is heir 10. We give ox-
elusive territory and liberal commissions. For
circulars and terms address the publishers, j. Is.
B.l!R HYDE, Hartford, Conn, or Chicago,
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20

PLAYED OUT.-Anothcr cherished be-
lief gone. We are now told, at n day
which is certainly ridiculously late, that
the Car Of Juggernaut, SO far as the
crushing Of voluntary victims is concern
ed, is humbug. DIR. Pringle writes to
the London Times that the deaths inhict-
ed by the car are entirely due to acci
dent, though the native priests have no
sort Of objection to such accidents and
are glad when they occur. 1t takes n
crowd of 1900 to 1900 devotces to drag
the monstrous car with its sixteen huge
spiked wheels, and confused and entan-
gled in the four or five long ropes which
they hold, many OF these poor wretches
naturally fall and are crushed out of life
under the great wheels. Since an Eng
lish Commissioner ordered nets TO be fix
ed to the car for the protection Of people
the deaths have become fewer. For the
sake Of humanity, we are glad to know
that these horrid performances have not
been voluntary. But what we ask, is to
become of all the primers and primary
Biographies to which Juggernaut has
been so long precious boon Of pictnr-
esque awfulness.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20

Too MANY FARMs.-An anecdote that
has moral is told concerning q recent
county convention of farmers in Iowa.
When the convention assembled, several
gentlemen who had been more conspicu-
Gus as politicians than as tillers of the soil
sought to take seats. This was objected
to, when one of them exclaimed, "Why
shouldn't be member of the conven-
ton ? Don't own seven farms ?" The
answer from one of the horny-handcd,
was prompt, "That's just it, Judge you
own too many farms"
There is hint to the farmers in this
reply. Beware of the men who own too
many farms they generally obtain them
by making excessive profits off the farm
ers, and through the instrumcntality of
"cut-throat" mortgages. Such men are
not likely to benefit the cause of the farm
ers very much they are the kind of fell
lows who own money and notes and nc
counts which they never give in for tax
alton and bonds which are not taxable,
and who are interested in railroads and
other institutions against the expressions
Of which the farmers complain.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20

ONE OF THE LOST ARTs.-The new
discoveries in Egypt will add plausibility
to Wendell Phillips lecture on The Lost
Arts. 1t now appears that the smelling
of iron was carried on in Egypt from the
very earliest period. Charles Vincent,
in an English scientific journal sets forth
some new facts in reference to the sub
ject. I" In the sepulchres Of Thebos NAV
be found delineations of butchers sharp
ening their knives on round bars of iron
attached to their aprons. The blades of
the knives are painted blue, which fact
proves that they were of steel, for in the
tomb Of Rameses III this color is used to
Indicate steel, bronze being represented
by red. An English gentleman has re-
Gently discovered near the wells Of Mos
es, by the Red Sea, the remains of iron
works so vast that they must have em-
ployed thousands Of workmen. Near
the works are to be found the ruins OF II
temple and a barrack for soldiers employ
cd protecting or keeping in order the
workmen. These works are supposed to
bo ut least $500 years old"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20

WANTED TO DIE IN STYLE.-A late
London paper had an advertisement for
the creditors Of Charles Hale to send in
their claims. Charles, it appears was a
cashier in bank, who married about two
months ago young lady of his own class
with every prospect before them of n
genteel life, and if gentcel, therefore hap-
py. AT one fell swoop Charles lost his
situation and gentilty. What remained?
a young American would have put his
shoulder to the wheel and his wife would
have helped him turn it but the pair of
gallant Britons preferred to face death
rather than work and shabbness. They
took laudanum in order to perish in each
others arms. But that the exit might be
as gentcel as beftted their position, they
packed their trunks, left will bequeath-
ing their jewclry, paid the landlady in
advance for the annoyance which two
moist, unpleasant bodies would cause her,
and then kept diary Of the effect of the
laudanum for the benefit of the coroner,
in German, Greek and English, request
ing in the last entry to be buried under
the same clod. All this so admirably
dramatzes the deicacy and refinement of
the aristocratic tendency, the resolve to
be genteel or die, that we are sorry to spoil
it by saying that they were brought back
to this world of bad tom by stomach
pump, and arrested on the charge of in
tended murder and suicide.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20
Wsskly Trinity 9ouraal.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 1878.
CARY's SWEETEST POEM.

Of all the beautiful pictures
That hang on Memory's wall,
Is the one of Il dim old forest,
That scemeth best of all;
Not for its gnarled oaks olden,
Dark with the mistletoe;
Not for the violcts golden
That sprinkle the vale below;
Not for the milk-white lilies
That lean from tho fragrant hedge,
Coquetting all day with the sunbeams,
And stealing their golden edge;
Not for the vines on the upland
Whore the bright red berries rest;
Nor the pinks, nor the pale, sweet cowslip
1t seemeth to me the best
/ once had little brother,
With eyes that were dark and deep-
In the lap of that olden forest
lie lieth in peace asleep
Light as the down of the thisthe,
Free as the winds that blow,
We roved there the beautiful summers,
The summers of long ago;
But his feet on the hills grew weary,
And one of the autumn ewes
| made for my little brother
A bed Of the yellow leaves.
Sweetly his pale arm folded
My neck in meek embrace,
As the light of immortal beauty
Silently covered his face;
And when the arrows of sunlet
Lodged in the tree-tops bright
He fell, in his saint-like beauty,
Asleep by tho gates of light
Therefore, of all the pictures
That hang on Memory's wall,
The one of the dim old forest
Seemeth best of all.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20
COLFAX's GAME OF MONTE.

Hon. Schuyler Coliax tells q pretty
good story in conversation, illustrative OF
the almost irresistible tendency of people
to lie about him. We shall repeat it in
print
When l went to California on the
cars" he says, "we found the long
stretches on the plains rather tedious
sometimes. One day we Went forward
into the baggage car, and found sharp
er playing game that they call three
card monte-his stool-pigeons winning
their hundreds and strangers taking stock
and becoming victims for similar sums.
| looked on at tho queer spectacle for n
few minutes when we returned to our
car.
A little whilo after l arrived in San
Francisco an old friend made his appear
ance who had started from home fort
night later.
Did you really win that money p he
asked
What money p said l.
'On the cars said he why, monte,
you know
Il don't understand word you are
saying, l protested what is it that you
mean I?
Why, out on the Central Pacific, you
know didn't you play when you came
over p
mo, indeed didn't: never played
game in my life, and never saw 1t play
ed before.
My friend indulged in an uproarious
gutlaw, and after recovering his breath,
he explained
'Collax, there's another Of them ! |
came along Thursday, and strolling into
the baggage car, found a glibe fellow
playing threc-card monte. He made
quite speech in the intervals of play
Gentlemen said he, : the chances are
all in your favor. Everybody plays who
comes along this road. Colhx, tho Vice
President of the United States, gentle
men, cleaned me out the other day. Said
he, what's that p Monte says l, and
| showed him. I'm bet you hundred
dollars that's tho ducc of spades, says he.
| kivered the bills. Sure enough it was.
He scoopcd me. a hundred that's the
queen of hearts, he remarked, quiet-lillc.
| kivcred him. Ilo scooped me agin.-
A hundred that's the knave Of clubs
He took the pile, gentlemen. | 'sposo
that 'stinguished man would have gone
on all night. He wanted to bet more but
| couldn't afford it. He was too rapid
for me. Then he took that $500 gentle
men, and he guy it to poor widder with
four children us was going home with the
corpse of her dead husband. He made
her heart leap with joy. Now, gentle
men, you kin lay down your stamps and
you kin pick 'em up and mino on top Of
'em, and you kin make poor widdor's
heart leap for joy, or put all in your pock-
et-jest rs you please "
And that, says Mr.. Colfax, in conver-
sation, is just as true as the stories that
are being told in connection with Credit
Mobilicr and " contracts. Mhnedp0-
lis Tribune.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1873-09-20
80.
wIGGINs.

A well-known character named Wig
gins, who is a frequenter of Forceps' Sa-
loon, on Pine Street, suddenly fell to the
floor in that place, on Friday night. DIR,
Myers, who was passing at the time, was
called in and found, upon examination,
that the unfortunate man was dead. hav-
ing expired in fit. The residence Of
the deceased was not known, but Forceps
remembered that sister lived on Mel
son street, and it was decided best to take
The body there. 1t was accordingly
wrapped in blanket, and laid in wa
gon and driven to the sisters house, DIR.
Myers and Forceps accompanying sit.---
On arriving at the place, the doctor and
Forceps went to the door, leaving the
body in charge of n negro driver. For
ceps knocked at tho door--thcre was no
Highland n moment later woman ap-
peared at an upper window and asked
what was the matter, and what they
wanted.
" We have got the body of your broth
VI iClt no WINS ANAuo dShNl, CADuilS
Forceps, keenly feeling the unpleasant
ness of his errand.
81 don't want him here" snapped the
woman, " take him to the poor-house."
" But amt he your brother ?" demand
ed Forceps.
" | don't care If he is" she snapped
back. "TOke him to the poor-house. l
can't have him here"
" But madame" said DR.. Myers, in
tone of voice that showed how deeply he
was shocked by the inhumanity of the wo-
man think for one moment that this
is the body Of your dead brother, and
that"
" | won't hear no more" screamed the
virago. ~ tell you he shan't come in
here, no how"
" lIo shan't, hey? Wen see If he
shan't," shouted strange voice, and
looking around, the men were startled to
see the corpse climb down from the wa
gon and hobble toward the gate.
Goddlemity ~ shreked the terror
stricken darkey, ard at once rolled off
the seat, and down between the horses,
starting Them into run, and adding very
greatly to the horrors of the scene.
Mr.. Forceps made dash in one drec-
ton and the doctor in another, and in al
most Il twnkling both of them were over
the fence and putting forth their best Of.
forts without any reference to destination,
leaving the field entirely to the possession
of the supposed deceased, who was vocif-
erously threatening to break down that
tarnal door"-that door which his in
human sister had refused to open for the
admission of his corpsc-and the ulfortu-
nate driver was bounding down the road
and uttering IN unearthly and frightful
chorus Of yolls. The horses made good
time over Gallows Hill, smashing and
breaking the wagon and utterly running
the harness
The negro, whose name is Peterson.
had two of his circular bones broken and
was seriously bruised about tho head
But he will recover. lie says he has seen
all the funerals he wants to, and he will
never carry another body home if il even
should get upon It's knees and beg for
ride. Virgins was not dcad-he is
Danbury man.