Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1873-08-28
Max ADELER's OBSERVATIONS.
MRS. HoTcHKIss' DIVORCE.

! Hotchkiss was somnambulist, and
after getting to sleep at night she
would rise and and grope her way
down stairs to the kitchen. Then she
would do the whole of the weeks
washing, and after hanging the clothes
upon the line come back to bed. The
next night she would do the ironing,
and the next the sweeping, and so forth
And always when she came down in
the morning she would be astonished
to find the work all finished, and she
always insisted that Hotchkiss had done
it for her while she was asleep. And
Hotchkiss, the unprincipled scoundrcl
that he was, would smile and take the
credit for it just as much as she chose
to give him, although he used to watch
her get up in her sleep, and he knew
well enough how it was. And when
she would throw her arms around his
neck and kiss him, and tell him how
very kind it was in him, that con-
scienceless rascal would say: ooh, it's
nothing, Harriet, nothing, my dear;
do it because love my darling
Harriet" Then Mrs Hotchkiss would
nestle her head on his waistcoat and
cry over his shirt front, and he would
stand there with the air of q man who
was conscious Of having done a great
and noble sction at the cost Of fearful
self sacrifice. This kind of thing CON
tinued for several weeks, until one
night, while Mrs. Hotchkiss was wash
ing shirts in her sleep, needed con
cealed in one of the garments ran into
her finger and awoke her. For mo-
ment she was bewildered. Then the
truth flashed upon her. She went up
stares. Hotchkiss was fast asleep and
snoring like fog-whistle She shock
him and walked him. He thought she
was still in a somna1nbulistic condition
so he exclaimed, ''See here, old woman
femme alone and go down and finish
, up that washing Mrs. Hotchkiss did
not nestle her head upon his. bosom
then. She nestled her hands among
his hair and yelled at him, and pulled
, him out on the floor and hammered
him with chair And the next Gay
, she went for divorce. They made ii
up afterward, but she stopped washing
in her sleep, and has taken t. to black b 4;
seems indisposed to disburse handsome
ly she always starts for divorce, and
he succumls
, TIE COMBINATION sTEp-LADDER.
Perhaps the subject is not of general
, interest, but feeling of benevolence
prompts us to warn the public against
| the patent combination step-ladder which
has lately been introduced to the mar
ket. We purchased one because the
man showed us that by simple move
mcnt of a set of springs the ladder could
be turned instantly into an arm chair,
and from that into an ironing table, and
then back again into stcp-ladder, just
as we desired. When our hired girl
went to wash the windows, upon get
ting the ladder home, she stood upon
the top step, and she hardly had her
foot down before the concern shifted
suddenly into an ironing table and
broke her leg. Then we concluded to
use it as table, and on Tuesday half
a dozen shirts were laid upon it to be
ironed AT the very first touch of the
fiat-iron the machine gave a jerk, ground
up two shirts to rags, knocked the fiat
iron over into the next yard, where it
nearly Drained Chubbs wife, and after
a few commissions Of the apparatus there
stood step ladder. Then we deter
mined to use it exclusively as a chair,
and it worked well enough for while.
But one day the nurse placed the baby
in it for a moment, while she went for
something's land just altcrward the springs
had another paroxysm, there was
trelnulous movement in the legs, VIC
lent agitation of the back, then trem
ulous jump, and the baby was pitched
upon the chandelier, the machine turn.
ed two or three somersaults, jammed
itself halfway through the window sash
and presented the appearance of an
ironing table. 1t has attained such a
degree of sensitiveness now that it
goes through the drill ifanybody comes
near it, or coughs or blows his nose at
hand. We have it stuffed away in the
garnet and sometimes in the middle of
the night rat will jar it, or roach
run against it, and we can hear it rat
ting round the room, getting into
service as ladder, chair and table,
fifteen or twenty times in quick success
sion. It is probable that we would
close that step ladder out at less than
cost. 1t has too much animation too
much frivolity fora quiet family like
ours.
MOVERS PATENT PANNIER.
1t was Meyers turn for invention that
caused the disaster Meyer designed a