Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-12-11
.How O. Woman catches Rain Vn.

-H0w q Woman catches Rain Va
ter.-They all do it after one formula,
and two principal ingredients in the
universal recipe, are an old board and
a barrel. This Is about the way the
thing is done. Of course the woman
is married, else she wouldn't care
whether the rain water ran down a
board into a leaky barrel Or wasted its
precious drops in a lingering puddle.
The fact that she is married involves
a man in the case-generally in all
mundane things its "a woman that's
at the bottom of it," but in this, it's a
man, ana lucky for him if he isn't at
the bottom Of the barrel before he gets
through with the ravishing amusement.
Of course, again, she has a name.
Well call it Merinda, (before she was
married she spelled it with an ie, and
We might as we'll call his name George.
Git used to be George, when they were
wasting the old mans kerosene, and
neither thought for an instant that
rain water had anything to do with
Glove in a cottage.'O--But now it's
plain George and Merinda. But we
had almost forgotten about catching
that rain water. The initiatory is,-
''Now George, [ wont stand it any Ion
ger, I'm going to put a board under
those caves and catch some water"
George thinks this a good idea and
seconds the motion with all his heart
as Merinda has said she was going to do
it, but in this he is mistaken for she
had intended only to boss the job, and
calls his attention to her motion,-he
lodges a little, not knowing whether it
will be the boot-jack or a skinner,
and settles down to business. Both 90
out and look up at the caves. 1t rains
of course,--if it weren't raining what
need Of the "fxins.' Then she goes
in and throws over her head an old
dress with the arms hanging down like
twin %scabbards, and George goes for
the hog pen and captures d board that
reminds him of a hardware store. and
he wonders if Merinda would cry if
he died of the lockjaw. Then he
brings out the high chair and mounts
it right where the caves can trickle in
to the back Of his neck, and then finds
that he ought to have brought along
the hammer and nails, but come to
think Of it he hasn't got a hammer,
and while cogitating-the leg Of that
chair was always loose-"the plaguy
thing" gets out from under him and
Merinda says :-"Ge-orge," in a tone
that would indicate she was dialoguing
with one of Der neighbors, while he
shoulders himself and talks very low
50 as not to disturb Merinda, She hears
''dam" and train water" and thinks
he has a new plan in his head, and
says:-''a man never knows anything
anyway and then she comes out with
a flat iron and a big spike and mauls it
into the side Of the house where it is
needed about as much as Noah's Ark
needed a cat hole, and then she hits
the spike with the fiat iron on the end
Of her thumb and says:--"gracious
me- and sticks her thumb into her
mouth up to the seventh joint, and
drops that iron as though it were hot.
OF course George is "always where he
hadn't ought to be, $50 his foot keeps
it from getting muddy, and then he
doubles himself up like a jacknife, and
the twain, with the broad heavens
weeping over them, ming'e their tears
in the barrel. By this time both are
about as wet as they can get, and about
as mad, but that barrel has got to be
fixed, and George says, "then fix it."
Il can't" and then ''baby'' toddles to
the door and tumbles head over heels
into the wash tub, along with the
butcher knife for company. This
makes Merinda feel a little out cf hui
NOR, thinking maybe the butcher knife
is broken and the way that young one
comes out Of that tub and into the
house makes George think Of when his
mother caressed him with her corset
board, and pretty o @ he hears a noise
like unto playing t'bean porridge hot
''bean porridge cold" and "baby' don't
seem to enjoy it, and all at one he
finds that the barrel has a hole In the
bottom where a plug had been, so 0 n
cludes Merinda will have 80 get anoth-
er barrel, before she catches any rain
water, so goes into the house and finds