The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1873-12-31
THE PRESS
WEDNESDAY MORNING, DEC. 81. 1873
Gossip and GIeanings.

Gossip and GIeanings.
that never wears out.
Remember that this is the last day of the
year: if possible make it the best one.
If man has great idea of bimself. it is
certain TO be the only great idea ne will ever
have.
Ifa man were to set out calling everything
BY its right name, he would be knocked down
before he got to the corner Of the street.
l think the frst viltue is to restrain the
tongue, he approaches nearest to the gods
who knows how to be silent even though he
is in the right.-Cato.
A Quaker said to gunner, ''Frend, 1
to hit the little man iu the blue jacket, point
thine engine three inches lower.''
The true motive of our actions. like the
reed pipes of an organ, are usually concealed !;
bul the gilded and hollow pretext is rompous-
ly placed in front tor show.
In the parlor of a public-house in Fleet
Street, there used to be written over the
chimney-piece the following notice: Gen
tlemen learning to spell are requested to use
yesterday paper"
In valedictory ad lress an editor wrote |:
"If we have offended any man in the short
but brilliant course of our public career, let
him send rs ne,v hat, and we will then for
get the past" A cool chap that?
A Mathematician being asked BY wag,
''If pig weighs 200 pounds, how much will
a great boar (bere9) weigho" he replied,
"Jump into the scales, and I will tell you i'm
mediate!y."
A young man from the country who spent
his Christmas in the city, was observed set
ting MS chronometer by the wooden dummy
watch in front of Mcrrill's store. He had
been taking his straight, without sugar.
Ned Shutter thus explained his reasons for
preferring to wear stockings with h,les to
having them darned:- hole,' said he,
''nay be the accident o; day, and will pass
upon the best gentleman, but darn is pre-
medtated poverty"
A young lady visiting in the family asked
John at dinner ior potato. john made nc
response. The request was repeated; when
john, putting his mouth to her ear, said, very
audibly. 'sThere's jist t1a in ihe dish, and
they maun be keepit for the strangers
Two men travelling in Kansas, put up one
night at a frontier hotel; in the morning one
asked the other how he slept. ''Oh fair to
middlin" was the reply, ''and a darned sight
better than the bugs did, tor I'll swear moi
one OF them closed an eye the whole night
| Prisoner ito learned magistrate)-"Has
| any one a right TO commit a nuisance ??
Learned mag:strate-"No, sir, not even thu
MayOr-no, si-. not even the Governor"
Prisoper-'Then you can't commit me, fol
l was arrested as a nuisance, and you've de
cided that am one.'
| A young lady upbraided an admirer for hi
firtations during long absence. ''You arr
too bad to be pardoned,' she said; ''but if
1 discard you I shall punish myself most, ant
so will ignore what is past, and enjuy youl
society as much as l can while live, TO
when die 1 shall never see you any more
I am going to heavenp'
Tom bought gallon Of gin to take home
and, by way OF label, wrote his name upor
card. which happened to be the seven O
| clubs, and tied it to the handle. A FRIEND
i coming along, and observing the jug, qrietly
| remarked: "Tha.'s an awful careless way t.
leave that liquorp'-''Why?' said Tom
''Because somebody might come along will
| the eight of cubs and take itp'