The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-05-24
#hseliag &egi!s'itIer.
THE RED MEN OF THE LAVA
BEDS.

Latest from the Front-An Inter
view with Captain Jack and his
Dashing Mate.
In swift obedience to the mandate oil
your affable managing editor, your
special commissioner lost no time, after
his arrival at this place, to charter a
martial looking mule and repair to the
headquarters of the commander in chief
OF the Modoc forces. Enlarged expe-
rience as an interviewer Of many per-
sonages prompted your commissioner to
waste no time in idle formalities; and
so, not standing.onl ceremony, l invaded
the bouduoir Of the great chief, and
surprised him taking his matutinal
bath in a sugar hogshead, with the
back OF his head on the north rim
thereof, and his two heels on the oppo.
site rim, smoking his calamut and
glaucing over the days report OF his
adjutant from beneath his shaggy brows
and the brim OF a dilapidated Greeley
hat. I addressed the great Mogul as
follows:
"Why is theibarbaric yawp OF the
great Jim-Jams silent in the valleys OF
his step-iather2 Why does the antlered
monarch of the trackless prairies linger
among the crag of the base born Pot
observation-disclosures, while the pale.
faced blue>belly muddies the waters Of
the children OF the forests? Does not
the mighty sachem yearn to drink the
blood OF his enemies, or is he content to
cool his hams in lie bains Chiuois, and
devour fire water OF the treacherous SUIT
lers Of the land agents? Speak, thou
sublime effulgence of the distant glimpse
of the setting sun-the sorrows Of the
Modoc braves"
The great warrior removed his corn
cob meerschaum, and bent his piercing
eyes upon your commissioner ard said /:
"Und der tuyfel and dunde- and, ten
thousand helts How you vas KUN to
desc Latfa Beds? You kums NIT deer
noosepapers und play der little spy all
awhile you, Yaw! But dat ish aus
ge speildt, you don't get from dis blaze
pooty quick out, by gracious done put
Mansart roof NIT your plsck eye all
ofer. How high vas dot, amt itT
With that the General endeavored to
make a lunge lat your commissioner,
but slipped on the rim of the bathing
apparatus, and was nearly drowned be-
fore he could be extracted. Taking ad-
vantage OF the general confusion, l beat
q hasty retreat, and sought the boss
squaw of the seraglio, to whom l sent
in my card. / was ushered into the
presence of the gentle daughter OF the
dusky Aborigines, who sat cross-legged
on a second hand Saratoga, while the
tire-women were doing up her back
hair with clothes pins. With the diff
dence I always observed to the sex, L
said:
Doth the gentle bosom Of the Smil-
ing Mud-puddle heave with the sorrows
of her injured race, or doth the eyes OF
the lovely Sky-rockel glisten with sym
pathetic tears, lsmenting the absence Of
her festive rooster on the war path
Why, oh, why is silent the music oil
the Killikinnick maiden's voice "
The maiden kicked one Of her tire
women over a cracker barrel, and SHOW
ed another backwards until she sat
down suddenly in a bandbox, and then
she sprang erect on the Saratogs, with
one leg poised la bare back act, and
was proceeding to dance a war dance,
preparatory to making a spring for the
seal p of your correspondent, when the
roof of the Saratoga gave way, and she
fell bowling amid the ruins. So soon
as she recovered her equipoise, she re-
sponded thus:
Come on out o this, we murtherln
spalpeen. Och /! murther and Gums, to
think ihe loikes oil yez'd be afther in
sultin' lady, wild dem words we bald
headed old ragmuffid. Oh-o-ohone,
but wait till 1 gerret ye by the long
ears, and I'll be maxim 9 lillikee mig
ser av ye, SO / will"
VI course this abruptly terminated
tLe interview, and l was about to retire,
when was confronted at the wigwsm
door by four or five dozen noble red
men, who had freshly put on the wal
paint and dug up their tomahawks fol-
the occasion. knew there was mis-.
conception IN their untutored minds
about the trouble, and proposed to ap~
peal TO their reason. addressed them
IN the figuratiye language OF their race.
Noble savages OF the Far w est, Grand
Sagamores of the Ocumulgee Wigwam
glorious warriors of the Independent
Order OF Red Men, beautiful children
ofthe Setting Sun, squaws, piscanninie,
and High-Lo-J ack.a-mucks, the pale
face from the distant summer greeta
you'll Gorgeous spectacular dramatist
Of the Occident-ye ring tailed Tuscan
roras-untamed Batrschsips ofths Tad
polar regions, heroic BOOSTERS of the
volcanic plateau-I come to you with
message of love from the Spirit
Mediums. Oppression has thinned
your ranks and lined your royal
stomaches with Bourbon county. Keno
has depl eted your purses. Grossly in,
suited by the government agents, you
have nobly pocketed the sffront and all
their loose change you could lay hand,
on. In your innocent simplicity you
have borrowed the hsir Of your pale
face brethren to ornament your belly
bands, and your peace of mind is dis
turbed forever. Shame, that you should
have so degenersted. Remember Pc.
cahontas, and Tecumse, and Billy Bow
legs, and Spotted Tail, and Hole-in.the-
Day, and-and-George Francis Train,
Awake, arouse, bequeath from bleeding
son to sires-think only OF your sire
noble, illustrious, msgnsnimous chuck.
heads"
Just here your correspondent was in.
tarr,, nj Al in tho p,net 0rnsolv ip6anopt