Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1873-01-10

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in, and you will receive another. There
are only eleven in all.''
Only eleven! And he said it as if
it was such an infnitesimally small
number.
We thought, afterwards though,
what an immensely facetious fellow he
was.
Of course, the first thing they want
led to know was, who we all were.
AS if that made any difference!
But pitied those poor fellows who
couldn't remember when they were
born, or who their fathers were, if
there were any Of the latter.
I gave my historical record from the
time of my birth up, in very concise
manner, for thought I might as well
be particular while I was about it
And I wrote it slowly and prettily.
For hadn't I plenty of time?
Pm magnificent scribe-at inter
walls.
After finding out when I was born
they wanted to know how old I was.
So I told them that.
That, you see, required an arithmet-
cal calculation. [, by piece of great
good luck, knew exactly the hour and
minute that | was launched into this
world, for, having a premonition OF
some future competitive examination,
l had inquired particularly in regard
to this of my maternal relative before
she died.
Only she and I never could agree as
to the day, for she insisted that it was
on Saturday, the 27th, while I, by con-
sulting an almanac for that year, found
that the 9th came on Friday. She
was confident, however, that it was on
Saturday, for she distinctly remember
ed that she was washing. So I Ichang-
ed the date in the family Bible 1--WE had
a family Bible) to the 28th.
There's nothing like being particu-
lar in regard to your birthday.
But she might have been mistaken
about the year, mightn't she? Heav-
EN-! I never thought of that before.
Then came questions in reference to
our former professions and business.
Now I was in my glory, for I have
been in most every trade, profession,
and calling that any man ever was,
only they didn't give me enough paper
to spread myself on and tell all 1 knew
about everything, for from tinker to
the opening of bank q mean the
starting of one, Of course am an fait
in all branches of industry.
There were several minor questions,
but remember that I answered all right
through.
Next came p sum in addition. 1t
was only about 10000, arranged verti-
cally, longitudinally, horizontally, and
at acute angles. ........
It was easy enough to add these all
up; but the deuce of it was to prove
your answer after you had. Here was
where the work commenced, and we
began to smell a rat about that three
hour business.
It wasn't that the questions were
hard. Oh, no!
But it required such confounded
quantity of figuring to get at the an
sWer; and this is what consumed the
time, you see.
Now we began to perspire in earn
est.
stopped to take chew of tobacco
(am sorry to say that I do chew, some
how, I think if I hadn't stopped to
take that chew of tobacco I might
have got the promotion.
I don't know why, though. But
that's as good a reason as any.
Then marched boldly up with my
sum in addition, feeling as proud and
triumphant as if l had conquered a
world.
+ The next was a regular sumner.
1t was to write down three hundred
and, thirteen million millions and
ninety-two thousand seven hundred
and seventy-nine trillion trillionths.
That's decimals!
Now, that's easy enough to do in the
winter time, when there aren't any
flies around. But when, just as fel-
low has got it all right and fixed his
decimal point, fly pops down and
makes another in the wrong place
well it's discouraging, to say the least
of it.
But had heard of that fly business
before, and SO I had myself prepared
with couple of Jumps of loaf sugar,
aud when [ commenced makind deci-
NAL points | put a lump on each side
of me, just outside the paper.
That's the way I had them there.
With the sugar as an accessory, it
didn't take me any time at all to an
swer the decimal questions correctly.
Now come vulgar fractions.
If there is any one thing I pride my
self on it is my vulgar fractions, for it
is the only thing vulgar about me that
I've got to be proud of.
This was the first one:
If four and seven-nineteenths of
nine and four-seventeenths is equal
to seventeen times four-twenty-fourths,
to what sum is sixteen thirty-sevenths
of seventeen and four-sevenths equal.
And after working out the sum in vul-
oar fro o41ono aynrocc II dooipo 111