The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1873-09-19
MI i S G elIa1a e Gus.
THE TICK-KNOB DEBATE.

Jonathan Jones and Didymus DoX were
rival candidates for Congress in the Penn
sylvania district. The district was close,
and the contest was hot and PERSONAL
After u rafting fire at long range for more
than month, without result, it was resell
we'd to try the effect ofbringing the contes-
tants to close quarters; in other words, it
was arranged that they should meet and
discuss "the issues of the hour" at Tick
Knob, a central and accessible point, on
the day before the election.
Both parties, in donning their armor,
boosted as only he should boast who
taketh it off.
DoX and his friends were sure Jore
would skulk, and Jones and his friends
were quite certain that DoX would never
come to the scratch. But ifneither backed
out, not "grease spot" of either would be
left if the other was to be believed. An am
buscade Of secret allidavits that Dox's wifc's
sistcr-in-law's brother-in-law, who kept
a grocery at Sorghumdale sold sand in his
sugar, constituted principal feature in the
Jones tactics. Dox, on the other hand,
was supplied with an equally convin-
cling array Of proofs that Jones's step-ta-
TIERS uncle's aunt's cousin by marriage had
hulf-sister no better than she should be.
These masked batteries, held carefully in
reserve on either side, when opened at the
last moment, were confidently expected
by those in the secret would put final set
tier on "the issues of the hour"
For the time being, Tick Knob became
the centre of interest. Everybody was
making ready to go. In the remotest cor
ncr of the district the din Of preparation
sounded. Carryalls, buggies, wagons, sui
kies, horses, mules, saddles, side-saddles
and billions were all in demand. To see
couple of politicians "worry each other
was Il treat too rare to be foregone.
The dawn of the cventful day was as
bright as the hopes it heralded. AS Jones
walked on the platform. "scenting the morn
ing air." and waiting for the train that was
to carry him to Tick-Knob and to victory,
his reveries were disturbed by a touch on
his shoulder.
Turning around, he saw an elderly gen
tlcman-no, we can hardly say he saw the
elderly gentleman, for on the lattcr's arm
hung II creature of more surprising beauty
than it had ever before entered the heart
| of ones to conceive.
"Going on the train, sir9 2" the elderly
| gentleman asked.
Jones bowed without removing his eyes
from the object that rivcted them.
might | ask you to take charge of a
| lady as far as the next station ?" the gentle
man continued.
Might he? The question transported
Jones to the heaven of heavens. He STAN
mered something about being only too hap
by, and was saved from makinga complete
ass of himself by the arrival of the train.
Recovering himself, he handed the lady
on board, where another piece of good for
| tune awaited him; the crowded state OF
the car compelled him to sit by his charges
side, and the road was u narrow guage.-
| When it was building Jones had gone with
the broad gauge party; he saw his error
now.
For the next half hour DoX and the is
sues of the hour slipped from Joness mem
| DRY. He had never struggled for popular
applause as he now laid himself out to win
favor in the sight of a pair of lustrous black
eyes, far "lovler in their strength" than any
Byron ever wot. Nor, he flattered himself
were his efforts wholly unavailing. His
flashes of wit and gushes Of sentiment were
rewarded with more than one intoxica-
ting smile and tender look that made him
1ecl as LnOuSn his cutlIc CutlCle was rising
into "goose flesh"
At the end of thirty minutes the conduc.
tor sang out "Sorghumdale Jones would
have sworn the minutes had been seconds
Anxious to prolong the delicious moments
he escorted his charmer to the platform,
which they barely reached when a sudden
iiuintness seemed to overcome the lady,
Her step taltercd, Ter limbs tottered, and
she must inevitably have fallen had not
Jones caught her.
His first impulse was to shout "Firc =
his second "Watcrm Before he could dc
either the bell rang, the whistle shrieked
the locomotive snorted, and the train be.
gan to move. What was to be done ? i
he failed to reach Tick-Knob in season
after all his Wanting, he would be sci
down as an arrant poltroon, and his politi
cal cake henceforth would be dough. He
had no alternative but to drop his burden
and run, or stand at his post till help came
leaving the tissues of the hour" to take
their own chances.
Jones was too much of a man to hesitate
1t was still early and there might be another
! train. 1t was possible to drive to Tick
!, Knob in a couple ofhours. But come what
might, he would never desert such anange
in distress.