The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1850-1873, 1873-11-21
GRAVE AND GAY.

/
couple most resemble? A green pair.
Puzzle for foreigners studying En-
glish-Ever take the orphans part
never touch their portion.
-'Loss of China packet-shipl" ex-
| claimed Mrs Partington. ''No wonder,
when iron ones aTD't always safe"
"A lady reporter, sent to an agricul-
tural fair, wrote of lot of pigs, They
| look too sweet TO live a minute"
The young man who boosted that
| he could marry any girl he pleased,
found that he couldn't please any.
st. Clair Abbot has recently been
arrested at Carrolton in western Virgin
ia for murder committed IL years ago.
A dandy is chap who would be a
young lady If he could but, as he can :,
does all he can TO show the world he's
not a man.
A Frenchman has invented a boot
with wheels, which he says will enable
the wearer to go considerably faster
than a horse.
A company has been organized in
San Francisco, with capital OF S5OO,-
600. for the manufacture of jute bags
and twine.
Josh Billings says: 'There amt
ennything that will kompletely kure
lazyness, but a second wife has been
known TO hurry it some
Here is a stanza said 10 be very
popular in the mountains Of Virginia:
'.Nfy mind is set on that far-od land,
where there's heaps of salt aud streets Of gold
Don't git In my way, You sinfu man
For I'm on my journey home
Josh Billings divided the human
race into three classes Those who think
it is so, those who think IL isn't 50, and
those who don't care whether it is so or
not.
-Thackeray has we'll compared En-
plish society 10 q ladder, which every
one tries TO mount first, each holding
on by the heels Of the one who precedes
him.
A silk blanket for n fashionable
poodle in New York city costs SIC, and
more than 30, 900 laboring men and wo-
men thrown out Of employment in that
city.
Flax culture is said 10 be largely ON
the increase in the northwest, but the
crop is mostly grown for seed, there be
ing no means of manufacturing the
fibre.
Said an old Scotch woman 10 n ply
sician. who was weighing two grains Of
calomel for a child "Diuna be 30 mean
wi it, as it is for poor, fatherless
BARN"
John T. Irving, who admitted in
San Francisco that be was crimlnally
concerned in the murder Of Benjamin
Nathan, in New York city two years ago,
is to be tried for burglary.
-"How does that look, eh?' said a
big-fsted Wall street man 10 friend,
holding mp one Of his brawny hands.
"That," said the friend, "looks as
though you'd gone short on soap
Kaiser William is going 70 send
9, 800 pounds Of cannon captured from
the French in the recent war, 70 Balti-
more, to make bell for the ~. Ma
thews Lutheran church.
Mrs. Stanton believes the time will
come when we shall be as much ashamed
of headache, dyspepsia, scrofula, and
as we now are Of committing
perjury, theft, burglary or arson.
An ignorant negro justice Of Ches-
ter. s. O., recently committed for con-
tempt a white lady who remarked in
his court that she was "done with mig
gers on her plantation.
The Philadelphia mint is now coin
ing so, 900 of gold per month. IL
has ceased coming silver, owing 70 the
demand for gold coinage. Most OF this
gold comes in bars and ingots from
Great Britain.
"JoHN," said a stingy old hunk to
his hired man, as he was taking dinner,
edo YOU know how many pancakes you
have eaten ?" "No." "Well, you've
eaten fourteen" "Well," said John,
90 you count and I'll eat.
The st. Louis Globe says that those
physicians who ran away from Memphis
acted upon the scriptural authority:
Physician. heal thyself." II strikes
us that they did heel it, with great ce-
Ierity. "Thus runs the world away.
We like the style of the maiden re-
'erred to in the following clipping:
,lasped her tiny hand in mine vowed
% shield her from the worlds cold
storm. She set her beauteous eyes up
IN me. and with her little lips she said,
'An umbrella will do as well. y
The newspapers, having discussed
he authorship Of the well-known bal
ad, "Betsey and are out in the beauti-
MI snow" Co their satisfaction, are
yrapplinp over that of "Old Grimes
Won't some scribblcr inform mankind
Who wrote "Mary had a little lambT
There are experts on all manner Of
NIB ects in these days Of litigation. A
yoman testified the other day in "A tur-
,ev case. and declared that she knew
these turkeys by their walk, their
and their manner of roost-
ng."
A recent visitor 10 Rhode Island
las made the discovery that Napoleon
vas mistaken when he said that Provi-
ence was on the side Of the heaviest
rtillery," for the heaviest artillery is
{ Fort Adams, and Providence IL on
he other side.
Chicago wants 20 have the next
,orld's fair held there. "In the first
lace. saws the Boston Post, lit isn't
ertain that the next world will have
air. and in he second place those who'd
e likely 60 attend IL will prefer more
ious town in which 30 celebrate.
The cultureof the orange is iucrcas-
no rapidly in Florida, particularly on the
d. Johns river, where there are quar-
ar of million trees. The people think
bey are going TO get the number up to
OO. 600 and derive from them an income
( s., 900, 900.
The fortune of s3,OOO,OOO left for
he maintenance Of free schools in Bal
more and New Orleans, % years ago,
" John McDonough of the former city,
as all been eaten mp but S25, 900 IN an
tempt by McDonough's heirs to break
he Will.
-"Are you very fond Of novels, Mr..
ones?" every, responded that inter
opated gentleman, who wished 10 be
hought by the lady questioner fond OF
iterature. "Have YOU continued the
adv. lever read Ten Thousand a Year,"
No, madam, never read that number
n all my life"
An Iowa editor recently eloped with
he wife of one Of his subscribers, and
yas frightened half 10 death by the ap-
,earance OF the injured man at the
otel of a neighboring town, TO which
e had taken his flight. But the hus-
,ar a only wanted his paper stopped
hat was all.
trv,vyg v,Wah