Northern Ohio journal. [volume] (Painesville, Ohio) 1872-1896, 1873-09-06

gentle knight OF the mortar and peStle
appeared to find some Christian sympa
thy from his usually deriSive fellow
bOarders in his overwhelming eaptiya-
ton hy gorgeous young lady lately all
ded to the guests of the house. The eX-
qtlisite SotIness of manner with which
lie passed the hash and fiSh-haliS to his
new charmer at the table was 40 sooner.
observed by the other gentleman than
the latter evinced u commendable diSpo-
sition to favor the pathetic romalce and
give the hero their utmost countenance.
70 him was reliIquishef by immediate
facit consent, the enyiahle privilege of
showing the fair epienre all those grace
fnl little attentions which the familiar
associations OF the huspitable board per-
init; and, more than this, several OF the
friendly fellows took private occasions
| to assure him that he was making an i'm
preston at last, and had their strongest
good wishes for speedy matrimonial sue
cess. Thus eXhilarated unWon tedlv by
the approval and support OF his own
sex, the owner of the high forhead pro-
ceeded boldly 10 his hitherto futile pro-
iessiOnal tactics of plying the beloved
object wlth choice bottles of perfumery,
cakes of dainty toilet-soap, packages of
sanitary bon -b0ns and other propitiatory
offerings from his business -stoek3 and
Ncsbtt lbotfi-Oi uSff
his hand together for her acceptance
one night LAST week, in the parlor, when
the remainder of the company had eon-
| siderately dropped off TO other rooms.
To his unspeakable wretchedness she
would receive but one of the articles OF
| fered, and thai the toothbrush. She
| said that she had always wanted an i'm
| ported brush, the American kind heir g
either to harsh or not hard enough, anu
| that she would always be happy to rec
Ognize in the generous giyei' an apOthe-
| cary of the finest feelings. Matrimon-
| tally speaking, however, she could never
| love druggist, no matter how mature
| his years, though she might be prevailed
upon to regard him ultimately as a re-
| spected uncle. Late on that same night
| the household wer- aroused IRON sltlni-
| ber by the startling :lfarun-ring Of the
| unhappy mans bell, and upon rushing
| to Ills chamber of woe found him prone
upon lounge in CHASTITY rigidity, with
| IA piial labelled ''chforotorm" just drop
ed from his nerveless grasp. On the
mantel-shelf were three hasty letters,
evidently penned in great agitation, one
for cher" and the others to frienus in
the house; and when these had been
properly delivered the masculine obser-
vers of the dreadful scene requested the
mortified ladies to withdraw, as upoIi
themselves should devolve the melan-
choIy task of watching over the remains
until morning. The desired withdraw
al having been effected the fellow-board-
ers remarked to each other that they
might rs we'll go through the empty form
of striving to restore the life of the sui
eide, though it appeared from one of his
fare well letter-beginning with the
startliu. sentence, II am dead !''-that
/ I.n n.l1I " N 4
dertaker at last. On his former occa-
sions of suicidal pretenee, they said, he
had undoubtedly guaged his doses with
great care not TO take amy fatal quanti-
ty, but now the house was surely rid OF
this champion bore for good. Still il
would be well for some OF the watchers
to apply a few strong mustard plasters
10 the body and whip the feet with wet
towels, while the others piously ran
sacked the franks and private drawers
OF the departed for such matters us
might be of service to the Coroner
Thus while, the victim OF woman's IN
sensibility was being plastered an1
whipped, several of his recent friend;
scattered his cherished wardrobe ant
read aloud his private letters in the mos
heartless manner, declaring audibly one
to the other that Il greater donkey thai
he never existed, and that his happy de
parture had left some chance Tor Il lady
r to board at the house without being per
secuted by his languishing idoey. Thi
kind of talk Was bad enough, but wors
! came when one of the gentlemen casual
: iIy remarked that he had heard Of th
{ most miraculous restorations of TIN
chloroforlned by very hot knives APP
piled to the bare soles. and proceeded
( forthwith TO heat 4 large dinner-knif
c at the gaS and press. it to the right foo