The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1873-01-10

tobacco ice copiously; talked to myself
confdentially; though t out loud forci-
bly,. Heard a fellow close by swearing
a blue streak about something, and asked
him if he'd help me little in that line
He looked at me and then at my skates
which | had on wrong end foremost
and unhesitatingly said that | was a
ID fool. Told him he was stranger
to me, but that / was deeply impressed
with his truthfulness; and L thiEk now
that that fellow could tell as much
truth, in few words, as anybody l ever
saw.
However, he helped me organic"
the skates and myself, and | struck out
for fun and renown but, sad to relate,
my legs had the first disagreement which
I'd ever known, and separated from
each other 1t was a mournful sight to
see two legs which had been on friendly
terms Tor thirty years now going in dit
ferent directions. | tried TO follow
both these erring legs, at the same time,
but it was too much of an undertaking,
/ sat down on the ice and wept. | al.
ways had an idea that, in the hurry of
the moment, | must have sat down a
trife harder than was absolutely neces-
sary, fer I've measured about four inches
less, from tip tip, ever since. What to
DO ! didn't know. Something must be
done to effect a reconciliation between
those legs couldn't afford to lose my
skates, anyhow, and | couldn't get tle
skates unless the legs returned.
Touched by my anguish, no doubt,
and thinking they'd done pretty mean
thing by me, they finally stole back of
their own accord but | could see they
felt pretty sore. So did
Without "a word of censure | got my
self together and made another start
but that right leg was SO full of 4" nat;
ural cussedness" that as soon as Id at
tanned the speed of an enterprising
streak Of lightning, it went "up in
balloon" about eleven feet. | instantly
reached for it, but my reach was not
long enough The other leg volunteered
to 20 up after the fugitive, and went be-
fore had time to seriously entertain
the proposition. Didn't see anything of
either of those legs for five minutes, and
don't know to this day, where they went
or what they did. do know, however,
that during their absence tlied to do
a little skating on my head, which proved
the saddest of failures, and a most I'M
graceful proceeding. One fellow asked
me at this time if | was used to skating?
Told him | thought should be pretty
soon; aud asked him if he'd seen any
thing Of my legs: He said my legs
were all right, and where they ought to
be, which latter statement | found on
examination was true They'd got
back. The former statement, however,
| took exceptions to, and offered to bet
the skater" quart Of whisky that if
be had my legs, and belonged to church,
and wasn't expelled at the next regular
meeting for looseness Of speech, that his
house wasn't Orthodox
| now tried TO come to definite IN
Outstanding with the legs, and thinking
that everything was arranged to our
mutual satisfaction, ventured on an
other trial. Lord, how | went I'd
been willing to give frisky streak OF
forty yards start and then con.
tractsd to beat it ten yards in race of
a hundred. thought hadn't started
when l found myself close to the other
end Of the pond, and at once made prep
aration to make tasty and scientific
turn. | did turn, but my legs didn't.
Don't know where in thunder they went
My turn was grand success. turned
clean over nine times and fetched up in
a demoral;zed condition, with my head
between a pair Of legs. Here was some
thing of a dilemma. | supposed that
I'd got twisted aud that my own head
was between my own legs What in
the world, | thought, will Mrs. Wood say
when | 60 home with things mixed up
this way? About this time | knew of
a pair Of skates which might have been
bought low, and a pair of legs, which
was the intention to educate to be at
tracted by the coat tail Of the fellow
who sold me those rink tickets, when
ever opportunity afforded. If anybody
wants TO skate, let EN- do it, but Id
rather tickle myself with a briar for
amusement. or sit with heavenly resig-
nation with my dear wife while she
splutters out the whole of Webster's
dictionary, and the more fcrcibe Of
scriptural language, which she invaria.
big does when she has congestion of
her highly susceptible temper. No dis
paragement TO TabItha, however she's
u mighty good woman OF the kind, but
the kind is not orthodox or angelic. I've
no objection to her skating till she gets
in good humor if she wants To, although
that would deprive RE Of hearing her
beat the symbols with her tongue, for
some considerable time, l suspect