Iowa voter. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1867-1874, 1873-10-16
A Cheeky Conductor.

On certain railway the officers thought
.he conductors we're pocketing-"knock-
inc doyn,-too large share Of the receipts
from passenger fares. Detectives were
emnloved, who demonstrated the fact to
certainty. The Vice President, therefore,
summoned one Of them before him, when
the following dialogue ensued:
"Mr. -, how long have you been en-
ployed as conductor on our roads"
"About seven years, SIR
"What pay have you received during
that timer"
Eight hundred dollars year"
aDo you OVID the house No. - upon
- streetg"
81 do, sir"
aHave you other property in this city ,"
81 have"
aWhat is its value?"
swell, sir, can't tell precisely, but it is
considerable"
"What estimate do you place upon your
entire assets!"
"Something like $4,000"
"Were you the owner Of any portion OF
this property when you entered our ser
vice?"
mot dollars worth, sir"
"You have family to support, under
stand?"
II have q wife and three children"
"Wiil YOU do me the favor to inform
me how you have been able in seven years
to support your family and accumulate
fortune Of $40, 600 upon salary OF $sOo!'
IL have not the slightest objection to
answer your question, Colonel s., pro,
vided you will suffer me first to PROFOUND
few pertinent in.errogatories to you
"Very well, sir, I've no objections. What
| are they?"
"Will you, then, be so kind as to inform
| me how long you have been connected
| with the - Railway"
something like ten years"
"What, allow me to ask, has been your
salary during that time p
81 suppose it may have averaged about
S., 900 year"
"You have family to support, if am
not mistaken?"
ayes, sir, have family"
| "If it is not an improper question, Col
onel s., will you suffer me to ask what
| is the amount Of your fortune?"
"Well, sir, don't know precisely, but
it is something handsome"
"Would you estimate it at half mil
lion dollars, Colonel?"
"Yes, dare say it is"
"That being the fact, sir, If you will do
me the favor to disclose TO me the secret
of the process by which you, in ten years,
have been able TO transmute $4,000 into
ten times that amount, without any WISH
bic means outside your salary, will most
cheerfully tell you how | have managed,
by turning an honest penny now and
then, to amass the comparatively insig-
nifcant amount | have named"
"That is all very WELL" replied the i'm
perturbable President, "but you
seem to have forgotten that there is a
slight difference between your status and
mine upon the-railway, in that you are
responsible TO me for stealing the COM
panys money, whereas | am not account
| able to you for my transactions. In view
of this fact, it now becomes my duty to
| inform you that your services are no
longer required upon our road"
The tacetious conductor probably an
ticipated this result and with his char
acteristic GOODNESS remarked: "In that
event, sir, it may at some future time be-
| come necessary for me to seek employ
ment upon another road. Would it be
asking too much tor you to give me a
| letter setting forth your estimate of my
ability TO perform the duties of con-
! ductor?"
"If you desire it, 1 certainly have no
objections to giving you testimonial to
the effect that look upon you as the most
INSCRIPTIONS and unblushing knave that
has ever disgraced the catalogue Of our
employees and that any company having
anything to do with you will be morally
certain to be robbed. . Aagazine
for October.