davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02
EDWARD FAY.
BARTON. VT. MAY

BARTON, VT, May T. 1910.
MEssRs. SKINNER & DREw.-Gents: | have handled
good many machines, but the Walter A. Woods New
Iron Frame Mower which / bought of you last year
appears to the best and renders the most satsfac-
ton 1t speaks for itself in the field and that is the
best commentator machine can have. 1t is light
and easily managed everywhere, and is very easy for
a team
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02

Professor Wise contemplates balloon
voyage across the Atlantic. Would it
not be well to send him up into the Are
tic regions, to look after the Polaris and
Can't Buddington {?
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02

Children Cry for Pitchers Csstoria.-A substi
tute for Castor OIL 1t assimates the food Wind
Cholic, and natural Sleep II does coutan
morphine pleasant to take never ggpes and never
fails. The best phys!c known.
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02

Well, perhaps II is, but we don U tnlnk SO.
The Centaur Liniment has performed such Miracles
such wonderful cures that those interested in other
articles became alarmed-commenced to throw stones
to sell out and close up their shops
1t is no use, the Centaur Liniment is after these
frauds and humbugs the Centaur Chiron half horse
and half man. the god of the healing arr, was after
the epers of old.
The Centaur Liniment has performed more absolute
" wonderful it three months, than all other
articles have three hundred yerrs. 1t has opened
the paralyzed hand Strengthened the rheumatic knee
cured neuralgia banished cruches and sent the bed
ridden their way rejoicing.
Dr. D. II. Burtenete of 81 Cortlandt Street n Y,
certifes that 1.-The Centaur Lininent has cured him
of sciatic rheumatism. with which he has suf-
fered ever since the war;
500 So. 7TH ST., PHILA., July 25th, 1872.
Il think it my duty to inform you of the great bene
fit derived from the Centaur Llniment Q II
has restored to me the use of my arm
John Short"
Messrs. Martin 81 Rand, the great livery men, 537
Seventh Ave, N Y, say: ave cheerfully recommend
the Centaur Linment as the bestthing we have evel
used
Such testimony could be repeated indefinitely. We
will warrant the Centaur Lniment to cure every time
Sold by all druggists. 2o2S
j. B. ROSE 81 CO., So Broadway, N. v
Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1873-06-02
BOSTON WHOLESALE PRODUCE MARKE.
CORRECTED EXPRESSLY FOR
T XII IL NJ OF Il IT O II

A. ID. IL L b b A r ID
Jobbng and Commission Dealer in
BUTTER, CHEESE, FLOUR, LARD, EGGS,
BEANS, DRIED APPLE, &c.
81 JOHN STREET, BOSTON, Mass
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

A SPECIMEN of Hale's early
peach found its way from Dea. Wa
ter's orchard into oar office yes
terday, which calls for thanks
and admiration More beautiful
can scarcely bo imagined. 1t is
interesting to take stroll through
his young and rapidly growing
orchard and see our cheering pros.
pect OF a fruit location, First the
grape vines loaded with most
beautiful clusters Of the lsabclla
and Concord varieties, Then plums
in about halfdozen varieties, large
and fair. some varieties beginning
to ripen. And a great variety OF
splendid apples. What is most
remarkable there is no appearance
of worm hole or wound from any
insect in any of the fruit. IT Dea.
Waters does not take the prize Of
fruit at the coming fair,there must
be agrand display. With such fruit
we need not fear to compete with
the pomological part of the Union
Fair in Grand Traverse.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

n READING, Pennsylvania, wo-
man was slapped in the face by
her husband recently, Whcreupon
the inj red woman posted off to
the canal, merely remarking as
she left the house that the briny
deep would wash away the insult.
Taking her stand on the canal
bridge, she threw a large, flat
stone into the water, which made
a 81 lash like unto that an Injured
wife would make if she jumped in.
Next tins Reading woman hid
herself in the bushes and enjoyed
the spectacle of her husband and
twenty other men dragging the
canal for her body. Laetly, she
discovered herself and went home
with her joyful repentant hus
band.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18
Brigham Young'S UItimalum TO his
Wives.


From one of his recent sermons
81 wish my women to under
stand that what am going to say
is for them as well as others, and
| want those who are here to tell
their slsters-yes, all the women
in the community. am going
to give you from this time to the
9th Of October next for reflection
that you may determine whether
you wish to 1--WE with your hus-
band or not, and then l am going
to set every woman at liberty
and say to them, "Now 60 your
way" And my wives have got
TO do ono of two things, either
round mp their shoulders and en-
dure the affections of this world
and live their religion--that is,
polygamy-or else she must leave,
for l will not have them about
me. | will 90 into heaven alone
rather than to have scratching
and fighting abont me. What,
fret wife, too9 Yes, liberate you
all. | want to 60 somewhere or
do something to get rid of the
winners. ! do not want them to
receive part OF the truth and
spurn The rest out of doors. Let
every man thus treat his wives !;
keeping raiment enough to cover
his body, and saying to his
wives, take all that 1 have and be
set Mt liberty, but if you stay
with me you shall comply with
the law of God in every respect
and that, too, witout any whining.
Yoa must fulfill the law of God
in every respect and round up
your shoulders to walk up to the
mark without any grumbling."
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

JOnN PLoUGuMAN once said: 81
never knew a good horse which
had not some odd habit or other,
and | mover yet saw a minister
worth his salt who had not some
crotchet or oddity. Now, these
are the bits Of cheese that cavil-
lers smell out and nibble at; this
man is too slow, and another too
fast; the first is too flowery, and
the second too dull. Dear me, il
all Of Gods creatures were judged
in this way, we would wiring the
doves neck for being too tame,
shoot the robins for eating spiders,
kill the cows for swinging their
tails, and the hens for not giving
us milk. When Il man warts to
beat a dog, he can soon find a
stick, and at tins rate any fool
may have something to say against
tho best minister in England"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18
A Romantic Story.

The following story is told by
the Galveston(Texas Commercial
of man who was sent to the
penitcntiary of that State a week
or two ago: "IIe was German
Of noble birth. His uncles and
brothers distinguished them
selves IN the late Franco.Ger-
man war; they were high in rank
and lived in princely pomp. Yet
this brother, perhaps OF morals as
good as the best of the family, will
for two years live in the Texas
Penitentiary. lie was sent to the
first schools of Germany, and is
proficient in ancient and modern
languages, but he was allowed to
spend money at random, beirg
taught nothing that is useful.
When of age, he was given few
thousands and sent to this county.
Here We may promise that the
young man is neither crazed nor
a fool, lie does lack that which is
called gumption. lie married a
woman who, after a season de-
serted him. From tho time of
his desertiOn he become q wand
ercr. Being sick he returned to
Germany, and was sent by his
family to the most celebrated
springs in Germany, and when
he was fully restored they return
ed him to his country with sutfi-
cient funds to have established
him in a small business, but he
wasted all-and it lie strange that
he did so for he does not appear
to be addicted to any OF the mon
ey-eating vices. Reduced to beg,
gary, he walked from Mobile to
New York hunting employment.
Then he got back to Galveston.
Here he acted as scullion
in n f,'nrth rate boarding house,
waiting on tables and cleaning
knives. White engaged in this
work he stole two watches worth
81, and Oh being charged with
it, he confessed to tho offence
and begged the Recorder to send
him to the Penitentiary, that lie
could learn a trade, or he would go
out and commit some crime that
would send him there. lie was
the most anxious man to get to
Jail we ever saw. We hope that
his residence at Huntsville will be
productive of all the good tha: he
anticipates from it, and that when
lie leaves it he will be a self-sup-
porting, respectable citizen"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

A very "Daniel of a Judge"
dwells in Memphis, lie came to
judgment the other day in case
about goose. This graceful fowl
fell into the water the other day,
and it was rescued by q man and
brother,wh claimed salvage from
its owner, an Italian. The latter
would not pay il, and produced a
persuasive pistol, whereupon the
colored person marched off with
the goose and got ont a warrant
for assault. Then did the goose
owner swear out an answering
warrant for the goose, and the
Judge, perplexed, fited both of
them and kept the goose himself.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18
What to do with Trouble.

Don'ttry to quench your sorrow
IN rum and narcotics. Ii you begin
this. you must keep right on with
it until it leads you to ruin; or if
you must add physical pain and
the consequences of degradation
to the sorrow You seek to escape.
Of all wretched men, his condi-
ton is most pitiful who, having
sought to drown bis GRIFFIN drink
awakens from his dcbaucb with
shattered nerves, aching head, and
depressed mind, to face the same
trouble again. That which at first
was painful TO contemplate will,
after drink, seen unbcarable.
Ten to one the fatal drink will
be again and again sought TIL it's
victim sinks hopeless, ,p;tiful and
total wreck.
Work is your true remedy. If
misfortune hits You hard. hit you
something else rd-pitch into
something with will. There's
nothing like good, solid absorbing
work to cure trouble. If you have
met with Losses, you don't want
to lie awake thinking OF them.
You want sleep, calm sound sleep,
and to. cat your dinner with ap-
petite. But you can't unless You
work. Ifyou say you don't feel
like woIk,and go loating all day,
to tell Tom, Dick or Harry the
story ofyour woes, you'll be awake,
and keep your wife awake by toss
ings, spoil her temper and your
own breakfast next morning, and
begin to morrow feeling ten times
worse then you did to day.
There are some troubles that
time only heals, and perhaps some
that never can be healed except
by the panacea, work. Try it, you
who are thus afflicted
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

within the last minute, and breath
comes very short and quick, and
il seems as ii the arm which holds
The tub will soor drop of at the
shoulder and leaves him a cripple
for life, and at this jubcfure the
outside tub commences to slip and
threaten trouble. He presses his
arm all the tighter to the inside
tub, and tries to get his knee up
against the outside tub, but is too
late. There is squirn "rtwo and
thcn it is over. The outside tub is
down with the washboard, having
accomplished the trip with noise
that is almost deatening. The
other tub follows at once, being
urged thereto by kick that near
lly throws him off his feet, and
getting the door open he shoves
the bench Into the kitchen and
and clear across tie room, to the
apparent jeopardy Of the legs Of
the entire family. After that he
gets up the other things making
no remarks to any body, but look
ing on every one with looks calcu-
lated to reflect the greatest amount
of discredit. Then he puts on his
coat, ru5s his arms, and starts
down street, and gets ont OH the
walk, when he is called back to
bring mp some wood, If that wood
had been a burial casket, it is ex-
tremely doubtful if he could have
looked more solemn in taking it
up stairs. At noon he comes home
10 dinner, finds only one leaf mp,
the table cloth in the wash, aud
tha. his wife has cut the bread
after cutting the soap. What com.
ments he intends making on tins
state of affairs are never made.
lie is sent ont in the yard armed
with the clothes-line, and an in
junction rot to drop it in the dirt,
and in the scclusion Of the space
devoted to the back yard, he vents
the spleen that has been gather
ing within him, and whips that
clothesline around with sardt mic
Joy. After that he comes in with
his teeth together, and lifts two
tubs full of water, and then goes
into the bed room AID puts on q
pair of dry pants, and grimly eats
his dinner. 1t may occur to him
that there is no difference in this
Monday from Any that has pre-
C, eded it, but he can't hep but
wonder what kind of misery that
is which comes up every time so
fresh and formidable as to appear
entirely new Danbury Ne,cs.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

A CAREFUL bridegroom in
Cleveland kept the wedding ring
in his mouth during the fore part
OF the ceremony SO that he could
find it when the proper moment
arrived. He munbled along all
right until the minister winked, ,as
a hint to produce the ring, when
in his nervousness he swallowed
it, and there being no stomach
pump on hand, he was stood on
his head by three groomsmen to
recover the "golden pledge"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

Much has been said about the
frauds that Colorado's clear at
morphcre plays upon strangers,
and the de!usions into which il
leads them. The story of a man
who started from a Denver hotel
TO walk to tho mountain, some
fifteen miles distant, before break.
fast, has doubtless been repeated
by every correspondent who has
written from the Territory. But
there is a better one of an older
date. Before the days Of rail,
roads the stages used to stop al
CIurch's Tavern, about eight
miles north of Denver and ten
northwest Of Golden. One day
there left the stage at this tav-
crn two passengers bound for the
latter city, one an old settler, the
other a newcomer. The latter
inquired where Golden was. and,
after the mountain peaks imme-
diately overhanging that little
city had beer pointed out to him,
asked how far off it was. When
the answer, "ren miles," came,
he bestowed upon his informant
which plainly told that he lament
cd his dcranged Judgment and
demented condition generally and
then immediately started off at
the pace a man naturally takes
when he has only mile to walk,
and is in Il hurry to reach his des
tiration, The other Golden bound
traveller followed at a slower and
more iudicious pace, and, at the
end of the fourth mile, came upon
his impatient fellow traveller seat
ed OH a stone, taking rest. The
latter made no comment upon
the information that he had six
more miles to walk, but meckly
and sorrowfully resumed his way
at the slower pace of the exper-
fenced Colorado pedestrian. Soon
the two came t. ditch about
five feet wide. The older settler
jumped across, and on turning
around, and seeing his companion
with boots off and trowsers rolled
up, carefully wading through, ma
turally inquired why he "didn't
Jump over" The quick reply
came, in no dulcet tones. GLOW
did | know the thing wasn't forty
feet across p
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

SAID an old man ""When l
was young 1 was poor; when old
/ become rich; but in each con-
dition ] found disappointment.
When the faculties Of enjoyment
were bright l had not the means;
when the means came the faculties
were gone"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

LARRY F--tells good story
Of one Of the baggage masters at q
station on the Boston and Al
bany road, fat, goodnatured,
droll fellow, whose jokes have
become quite popular along tho
road. His name is Bill. A few
mornings since, while in the per-
forlnance of his duty of changing
baggage, an ugly little Scotch
terrier got in his way and he gave
him a smart kick, which sent him
over the track yelping. The own.
or of the dog soon appeared in
high dudgcon, and wanted to
know why he kitcked lis dog.
"Was that your dog 2" asked
Bill.
"Certainly it was; what right
have you to kick bim!"
"Ho's mad!" said Bill.
"No. he's not mad either," said
the owner.
"Well, l should be, if anybody
kicked me in that way" respond
ed Bill.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

The men are few to whose lot
it has fallen to be married
three times rare, though less
rare, are the women who have
achieved three ceremonies OF that
interesting character; but here
we have a couple who have been
married three times 20 each other.
Nine years ago Mr.. Charles
Wood, then living in DeKalb
county, of this State was united
in marriage to Miss Martha Bail
cy. Within a year or two, che
developed what Capt. Dalroy
calls, "a very large TEMPER" and
Mr.. Wood procured a divorce.
a year or two more elapsed, they
came togather again. buried the
hatchet or the broom stick, or
whatever it is that typifies dom
este warfare, and were married
again. This time the connubial
peace was destroyed by the green
eyed monster, and the second di-
vorce was procured ut his suit on
charge of adultery, Then Mr..
Wood moved to Iowa, his divorc-
ed wife remaining in De Kalb
county. A short timo ago she
wrote to him, aekcd if he would
take care of the children, to which
petition came the reply, "Yes and
of You too" She went to him,
and is now tho third time, his
wife, Chicago Times.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

A FASCINATING young lady, at
one Of our resorts, on being asked
recently if she had ever read
Shakespeare, tossed herpretty head
with the answer, "Shakespcarel
Ofconrso l have; l read that
when it first came out"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

DURING an address by Prof.
Peck, at Trenton Falls, the other
day, a gentleman in the audience
rose hastily to his feet, and with
pathetic Tenderness emarked
"Ouch!" lie had been sitting on a
wasp, and the wasp had just no.
ticcdit.
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

SuUFFLING HER OFF, Sarato-
ga lawyers are unequal to the
exertion Of a complete dance, and
this is the way they manage to
slide out. "Eli Perkins" is our
authority. The young lady is in
troduced' to the substitute with
the following casual remarks: 81
give and bcqneath to you to have
aud hold in t.ust one ha'f of my
right, title and clair, aid my ad-
vantage, in dance known as tho
Railroad Galop' with Amelia
Johnson with all her hair, paniers,
grasshopper bends beads, rings,
fans, belt, hairpins, smelling bot
tie, with all the right and advan-
tage therein; with full power to
have, hold, encircle, whirl, toss,
wigSle, push, jam, squeeze or
otherwise use-except to smash,
break or otherwise damage and
with right to temporarily convey
the said Amelia Johnson her hair,
rings panicrs, and other objects
heretofore or herinafter mention.
ed, after such whirl, squeeze,
wiggle, jam, etc., to her natural
parents, now living, and without
regard to any deer or deeds or in
struments, Of whatever kind or
nature soever, to the contrary
in any wise Notwithstanding"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

Nor long ago in the Court OF
Appeals, a certain lawyer of
Celtic extraction, while arguing
with earnestness his case, stated
a point, and then proceeded
"And if it place the coort if | am
wrong IN this, | have another point
that is equally conclusive"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18
Wash DAY.

There is no important difference
in Monlay among those families
who do their own washing. The
way of observing it is very simi-
lar. The first thing is to get the
man up an honr earlier than usu
al to get down the boiler. We don't
understand why boiler is kept
upon the top shelf where nobody
but himself can reach it. But per.
haps it is not Intended that we
shuuld understand it. Having
got down the boiler and taken his
Place at the table and pronounced
grace with benevolent aspect, lie
is called into the kitchen again to
Lift the boiler upon The stove. He
finds it full of water and weighing
about thrce-qnarters of a ton, but
he sinks his teeth into his Ii pa,
lays his eyes ont upon his checks
and acco nplishes the task. After
breakfast, which is eaten hastily,
and from a table that is ga,nishcd
with a bar Of soap, a package Of
starch, and a blueing bag, he is
sent down cellar after The tubs,
wash-board, bench etc. lie puts
thetubs, together and the wash
board inside, with a view to avoid
coming down stairs again, although
lie hasboen years giving practical
demonstration that these things
can't be carried al onetiune. But he
grasps the inside of the tubs with
one arm the wash bench under
the other, and starts for the stairs.
No one who has tried 1t can begin
to understand the amount of cir
cumspection required to engineer
a wash tub and wash bench up the
same pair Of stairs at the same
time. lie knows it,. but there is
an underlying hope in his breast
that he can accomplish it and he
starts. Before reaching the stairs
the tubs slip around and the bench
slips around ard the board slips
out and goes back into the cellar
two steps at a time. He thinks at
first that he will pnt hi, heel on it
and split 1t in two, but changes
his mind, sets down the things,
and replaces the board. Then
he starts again and when lie has
got as far up the stairway as lie
can without proceeding sideways,
he turns the tubs to the front, but
as his hold TO them has bccngradu.
ally yielding all the time, he finds
they are SO low that they strike
the etair, and in an efior, to raise
them the bench gives, and to save
that he loses part ofhis hold on
the tubs, and before lie can recov.
er that the board slips out and
goes back into the cellar two sters
at a jump. lie turns arouad and
looks over the tubs down at the
board, which he eyes with an in
ter sity that appears to be uncalled
for,and again attempts the ascent.
He gets tho bench started ahead,
but the end catches in the top.step,
and having exhausted his endur-
a. ce and reach in getting it that
far, finds bimselscompletely pow
erless to lift II over that obstruc-
tion. 1t has grown very warm
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18

TIE l'crre Hante girl does not
require tha, her lover have the
wisdom Of Solomon, the beauty
of Apollo. or the riches of Dives.
Her wants arc few and simple.
She says. Lawrence has a watcl,
and chain and plug hat; when
he can raise a nous tachc l shall
be perfectly happy"
The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1873-09-18
An Old Mans Dream.
ny OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES.


Oh, foran hour of youthful joyl
Give back my twentieth spring!
I'd rather laugh bright haired boy
Than reign gray haired king.
OF with the wrinkled spoils Of age;
Away with lcarning's crown;
Tear out lifc's wisdom written page,
And cast its trophies down.
One moment let my life blood stream
From boyhood's fount Of flame;
Give me one giddy, recling dream
OF life, and love, and fame.
My'listening angel heard theprayer,
And calmly smiling said,
"If but touch my silver hair,
Thy hasty wish had sped.
Butis there nothing in thy track
To bid thee fondly stay,
While the swift seasons hurry back
To find the wished for day ?"
All, truest soul of woman kind
Without thee what were life?
One bliss I cannot leave behind
I'll take my precious wife
The angel took sapphire pen,
And wrote in rainbow hue;
"The man would he boy again,
And be husband too!
"And is there nothing yet unsaid
Before the change appears?
Remember all their gifts have fed
With those dissolving years !"
"Why, yes, would one favor more
My fond paternal joys
/ could not bear to lose them all;
I'll take my girls and boys" r
The smiling angel dropped his pen
Why, this will never do; o.
The man would bc a boy again,
And be a father too!
And so laughed-my laughter woke
The household with its noise,
wrote my dream when morning brok
To please my fair haired boys.