The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-03-22

Minnesota are no longer COlnpclIcu 10 fCVltU
ISL the fires by throwing wood down TIL
chimney.-Cliatoa Register
. The Clinton Register gives the late Crcdi
: Mobilier Congress the following puff;
e If the Credit Mobilier Congressman got tn
| "back pay they honestly earned, they would
! be sorest where they sit
A youth returning home from large din
: ner party was so very tired that on getting
inside the outer doors of his parental vesti
bulc he concluded to pass the night there
He first took the precaution of putting hi
boots outside to be cleaned. He has misscl
them ever since.
Large, fashionable dinner parties, as arule
are tircsomc. They say that Grant becam,
exhausted and had to be put into his bed very
early on the evening of his inauguration. HC
was allowed to rest with his boots on as hi,
attendants were too tired and weak to pull
them off.
The AHa CaiJ5rnta has this among it,
answers to correspondents:
DISCONTINUED WIFE.-Whcther YOU can
safely swecten your husbands coffee with
sugar of lead will depend a good deal on The
intimacy of your acquaintance with the at
tending physician.
The editor of the Kankakce GozoHe spells
ducks, dur. We suppose he would treat
brakes thusly--drsix. If they have such Il
thing as a common school up there we should
advise him to take some of it.
The scribbler of the Ottawa ReplJlicao, for
| ;,.+ou,n ,,.Ln epnllc lvincr LENA
But besides being bad speller, he is given
to telling improbable yarns, such as:
There is young couple in this city who
can both chew one stick of gum without di.
viding it.
Here is one, however, that looks more rea-
sonable, though we doubt whether he can
give the party's name:
When we see a married man scratching his
own back we know there is something wrong
in his domestic arrangements.
Here is how he alludes to we uns:"
The Ottawa FREE TRADER, which ranks
among the best country papers in the State,
has recently been enlarged and is now print
ed on steam power press from clear, beauti,
full type. We know just how you feel about
it, friends! It's as nice as sparkling.
Gov. Yarmouth, while in Washington was
voted by the ladies the handsomest man in
the capitol, How charming and handsome
he is, to ne sure; and so wicked besides,
they say.
A gentleman going to Texas asked friend
for letter of introduction. The friend open
ed drawer, took out a large and handsome
spring. bladed dagger-knife and a six cham
bcrcd revolver and gave them to him.
That horror of all modern horrors that most
the editors doth abominate, base ball, has
broken out in Clinton Co., in this state
Mark Twain said in lecture, that " in the
Sandwich Islands everything is done in an
up-sdcdown' manner. Among other foolish
things they do is to elect the most incorrupt-
b.e men to Congress. They don't 8" go a cent
on Christian statesmen like Coltax
The following we checrfully give as a fash
ion item:
The hair on dry goods clerks forehead will
be pasted lower than usual next month.
A Nelson street man was charged by his
wife to bring home her bonnet on one Satur-
day night, but he became so imbucd with
liquor that he fell on the street and bursted
he cover from the bandboX, and the hat roll
ID out on the walk, He grabbed for it at
,nce, as also did playful dog and for while
{ WGs difficult to determine which would get
he hat. They finally divided it, the man 60
ny one way with thd strings and few straws
md the dog another with the balance. When
le got home he extended his share of the vic.
DRY to the wretched woman, and burst forth
n unfeigned admiration: 1T was the gol-
larndest dog TO hic) hold on | ever saw,
Marier, (hic) an if hadn't been perfectly So
Der (hic) he'd had the hull on it."-Dm-
'nry NecS.
A fashion article in the Tribune justly has
| fling at present very absurd fashion. 1t
ays that good sense utterly condemns the
lyle of banging the front hair-that is, cut
traight across torehead-as originating in In
sylum for idiots. afterward practiced upon
kye terriers with weak eyes, then followed
" fifth rate ballet dancers
A Troy Times reporter was in doubt in re- ,
ard to case Of suicide in that city, whether |
he cause was love or whisky. In either case
. is warning T
Neither should be INDUCED in to excess \ :
lan addicted to love is in sad predictment
indeed! /
This question agitatcs Lawrence, Kansas
Should young man leave his music lesson ,
, split wood when his mother is at home in
erlcct health!'
As taking music lesson is generally re- ,
arded as business, and good little boys are
lught that doing acts of kindness to ones /.
lother is a pleasure, under the rule of d" bust !
ess before pleasure we suppose he should !
OF leave his music lesson. Ii any one c"n '
argy different" let him proceed i
\ daily paper lately informed its readers :
nat an additional number of policemen are {
be placed in the most exposed parts of the c
,wn, To prevent the robberies which happen
l last winter"