American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1873-05-03
THE WIFE'S STRATAGEM.

About two years ago, me and my old
man, and the two little 'uns, was alvin
at a queer little by-station on a new line,
which l dare say you have heard on. 1t
warn't quite finished then, though the line
was pretty well laid up all the way, and
the trains was only runnin' to the second
station beyond us. We got good pay
enough, to speak truth, but wouldn't go
back there again-nO, not for double the
money! Stitch a country l never seed in
all my born days; all dust in summer and
all mud in winter, and fieas all the year
round-let alone other things shall be
nameless. And then the people! bless
yer, the'd no more idear o. plantin', or
buildin', or farmin', or drainin' or dom
anythin' Christ'n-like, nor l have o. the
man in the moon; and yet, to hear EN-
talk, you'd think they were the finest fell
lows as ever walked the earth
HOwsomdever, it's a sin to laugh at EN-,
Door creeturs; for alter all, they was born
furriners, and couldn't help themselves;
and then, too, it's all along o. their bein'
so unhandy that they had to pay us En-
glish to do things for 'em; so it's just
kind o. Providence alter all!
Well, as 1 was a-sayin', we lived on that
ere Galatz line for good spell, and got
used to it alter a bit; though it warn't
over pleasant in the winter nights, when
the snow came right up as high as the
winder, and the wind went rampage in
round our little place lit was only two
rooms and CELLAR as if it had been
rOarin' lion. So, what with that, and what
with our havin' money in the house for TO
pay the men, and there bein' SO many rips
about, we warnt quite so comfortable as
we might ha' been.
One night, Git was just a week after
Sans third birthday, l rememembero
there cum a knock on the door, and
fI,nrs
from the superintendent. So my old man
goes to open the door, Il was in the back
room gettin' tea ready,) and in comes two
men, and one on 'em handed him a paper;
but he'd hardly took it when 'tOther slips
round behind, and knocks him down as
fiat as a founder. / ran in at the sound
of the tumble, and there was one of the
rips tyin' my old man, (who was quite
non compass alter the knock he'd got)
and 'tOther one outs with big knife, and
says to me, Hand over your money!"
says he, cor we'll kill the whole lot on
yer" was so tuck aback at fust, that just
for the minute l only stared like stuck
pig; but when he axed me for the money
thought cum into my head all to once,
and 1 says to him, "All right" says I,
1.-The moneys down in the cellar under the
charcoal barrel; take it and welcome, only
don't kill u.s." "All right" says the vaga-
bone; "but to make all safe, I'll take this
young whelp with me-" land he catches
hold o. little Georgy, my eldest land if
you hOllers out, or tries to play any tricks,
I'll skiver him like a sheep"
Well, sir, when he said that, twas just
like pour o. cold water down my back;
but thought o. my old man lynn bleedin'
there, an o. the beggar's cheek in DARN
to bully woman; and determined that,
come what might, I'd be square with 'em
yet So gives Georgy kiss, and 1 wills
pers to him, keep near the door, and he
understood me directly, bless his little art;
and went away with the great ugly black
guard as brave as could be.
"Well, down goes the rip, and tries to
move the barrel; but it 'ud ha' took two %
him to do it, and then they couldn't; so
alter tuggin' and tuggin' and nigh Dustin
hisself, he sings out to his mate: "COme
and lend hand, and bring the woman
with you" So t'Other 'un marches me
down into the cellar, and sets down the
light for to lend hand with the cask.
The minute 1 seed 'em both stoopin' over
it with their backs to me, 1 knocks over
the candle, catches GeOrgy by the scruff
o. the neck, and whisks him out of the
cellar like a cat-only in my hurry
fetched his head an awful lick agin the
bolt-ring, poor little chap, But before the
rips could tell what was up, had the door
slapped to and the big bolt shut; and
there they was, cotched like two rats in a
trap.
Well, if you ever did hear two fellars
rampage, them was the two. They yelled
and they swore, and they lambasted the
door with logs o. wood and fireshovels,
and at last with their very fists, they got
SO mad. But, bless yer, they might as well
ha' tried to knock down st. Paul's with a
pot o. butter. The door was double
thick 'un, with big cross beams, and
wouldn't ha' Civ in to nothin' less nor a
cannon ball: SO, leaving 'em to drum
away, up stairs and cut my old man
loose, and then out and histed
the red lamp; and bout ten minutes after,
the train (Which gently ran by without
stoppinO spied the signal and pulled up. So
l got hold o. one o. the guards they all
knowed mel and told him what was up;
and he called his mates and three or four
sodgers, as al'ays went with the train, and
down they all ran to tackle the two beau
ties But when we opened the door them
rips was SO taken aback at SEEM the
crowd, and findin' themselves regularly
nabbed, that they just Civ in as meek as
lambs; and afOre you could say Jack
Robinson the pair on 'em was tied and
bundled into the train, and away. That,
sir, Is what calls "killin' two birds with
one stun"