Edgefield advertiser. [volume] (Edgefield, S.C.) 1836-current, 1873-11-20
Josh Billings on Marriage.

Josh Billings on Marriage.
Marriage is fair transaction on
the face ov it.
But there is too often put-up jobs
in it.
tits an old institushun, older chan
the pyramids, and as phull of hyro,
pliphics that nobody can parse.
History holds its tongue wno the
pair waz who first put on the silken
harness, and promised to work kind
to it, thru thick and thin, up hill and
down, and on the level; rain or shine,
survive or perish, sink or swim, drown
or aote.
p. But watever they waz, they musl
havamade good thing of it. or SO
many of their posterity would not
have harnessed up since, and drove
out.
There is a crate moral grip to mar
riage; it is the matter that holds the
soshul bricks together.
But there amt but darn few pholks
who put their money in matrimony
who could sit down and give good
written opinyun viii on arth they
cum to do it.
This is CRATE proof that it IL one
of them natral kind ov acksidents
that must happen, jist as birds fly out
ov the nest, when they have feathers
enuff, without being able tew tell why.
Sum marry for buty, and never
diskover their mistake. This is lucky.
Sum marry for money, and don't
see it.
Sum marry for pedigree, and feel
big for six months, and then very
sensibly cum tsw the conclusion that
pedigree aint no better than skim
milk.
Sum marry bekaze they hav bin
highsted sumwhere else. This IS 8
cross -match-a bay and sorrel. Pride
may make it endurable.
Sum marry for luv, without cent
in their pocket, nor a friend in the
world, nor a drop of pedigree. This
looks desperate, bit It Is the strength
Of the game.
IF marryin for love amt a success,
then matrimony is dead beat.
Sum marry because they think
wimmin will be scarce next year, and
live to wonderIhow the crop holdsout
Sum marry to getrid Of themselves,
and discover that the game was that
two could play at, and neither win.
Sum marry the second time to get
even, and find it gambling game
the more they put down, the less they
take up.
Sum marry to be happy, and not
finding it, wonder where all the hap
piness goes to when it dies.
Sum marry, they can't tell ~,
and live, they can't tell how.
Almost everybody gets married,
and it is a good joke.
Sum marry in haste, and then sit
down and think it carefully over.
Sum think it over carefully fast,
and then set down and marry.
Both ways are right, if they hi
the mark.
Sum marry rakes to convert them
This is little risky, and takes \
smart missionary to do it.
Sum marry coquetts. This is like
buying a poor farm heavily mort
gagged, and working the balance ef
your days to clear oph the mortgages. Q.
Married life haz Its chances, and
this is just what gives it its favor.
Everybody luvs to phool with tie
chances, bekauze everybody expects
to win. But I am authorized tc sta:e
that everybody don't win.
But, after all, married life IL full
az certain az dry-goods biziness.
Kno man can swear exackly where
he will fetch up when he touches
calico.
Kno man can tell jist what calico
has made up its mind to do next.
Calico don't kno even herself.
Dry-goods ov all kinds is the child
ov circumstansis.
Sum never marry, but this IL just
az risky. The disease is the same,
with another name to it.
The man who stands on the bank
shivering aud dassent, il more apt to.
catch cold than him who pitches his
head fust into the river.
There il but few who never marry
bekauze they won't. They all banker,
and most ov them starve with bread
before them (spread on both sides),
jist for the lack of grit.
Marry yungl il my motto.
/ have tried it, and I know what
/ am talking about.
II ennybody asks you why you got
married (if it needs be, } tell him you
don t recolekt.
Marriage is safe way to gamble.
If you win, you win pile; and if
you loze, You don't loze ennything,
only the privilege of living dlsmally
alone and soaking your own feet.
/ repeat it in italics, marry young!
There is but one good excuse for a
marriage late in life, and that is-a
secm,d MARRIAGE
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