, 1873-03-30

She deserved It, Next November
She married big d-asoon;
Sse shares his wealth. She owns his name,
She IL now HIS Lady-Loonl
London Society,"
HUMoR.
Twisted hemp cures felons.
When is charity like 4 bee? When it begins
tc hum.
The national pair O docs-Pub. docs and No
docs.
when the father leaves nothing to take2
"A Texas paper speaks OF the death OF soy
esal residents Of this district by throat~disease,
superinduced by razors
the Chief OF the Fire Department. - No Won
der Was the reply; e it WAS made to play"
! The little boy who sang, Il want to be an
in mth so maen spe[g to eg
enterprising reporter that he really wanted to ba
| a captain On canal-Doat-
| Vermont forgets all the ha1aships, OF the
past winter in jub'latlon over lts maple,sosal 1 M
| long as it's sappy?
General whom he admired, said he was always on
tho field OF battle where the bullets we're the
thickest. "Where was that :" asked one Of the
auditors. ain the ammunition wagon" re-
| eponded another.
-"Do gou like Browning?" asked reading
man Of young Indy whom he had taken down to
f.! dinner. The f.ir creature by his side (who vas
no book-worm) answered, Yes. That ls, nke
! crackling."
| I'll Am se1f-made man." said = sharper,
the other day, to gentleman whom be nag
i lust rot the best OF in a bargain. " / am glad
! to hear you say So" responded the gentleman,
| "for it relieves my Maker OF great reBponei-
bl1ty." .,.
currency has any OF the elasticity that Boutwell,
brags about. He tried to stretch hro-doual
bill to ten, but only succeeded in demonstrat-
ing the legal tenderness Of the paper.
| We arc inclined to believe that women are
going for the polls in dead earnest, from the
| fact Tint, OF nine married men talking politics
in Danbury grocery, on Saturday evening,
seven were entirely bald.-Ddnbury Necs.
Emmy (mammas volunteer Secretary
Chow is this to be answered, Kitty !? I DOM
| know what to say!-(Reads)- 3lrH. Fitzmode
at home on the 30th inst from to O'clock
| Kitty: s.Well, I should write and say mamma
did not know Mrs. Fitzmode had been away, but
| wonders she should return to stop only two
| hours
| A Partisan gun-rnaker has the following no
I tice outside his window: 10 those Dsap-
pointed in Love. A Great Choice of Patent Ro-
| yolyers n. BIN the case is all the apparatus
necessary for extracting the ball and dressing
! the wound"
| Punch finds fun in the coal famine. Wife
40, Charles, how kind Of the Browns IL -(rcads)-
| Mrs. Brown presents her compliments to NE.
mud Mrs. Jones, and hopes they will give her the
| pleasure of their company at fire party on Mon-
day, March 3. Fires lighted at $780,"
| In St. Louis, the other Sunday, the Rev. Or:
Burlingame preached from the text: ;" How old
! art thon?" Tho next day about one-third Of the
| women in his congregation called around to tell
him that it was none Of his business. =,
The AIacoupin M.) Inquirer says that a
Greene County young lady, who is worth 33o, 600,
recently refused to marry clergyman because
she thought she Was unfit to be the wife Of
minister. He then abandoned his sacred calling
and proposed again. The second time che de-
| hat
good to marry man who would throw away his
| clerical robes to win womaus hand.
| %. the snore, the beautiful snore, filing her
chamber from ceiling to floor! Over the cover
! let. under the sheet, from her dimp1ed chin to
her pretty feet! Now rising alott like c bee in
| June; now sunk to the wall of cracked bas-
soon! Now, hute-ike, Bubaiding, then rising
again, is the beautiful snore Of Elizabeth Jane.
| A fond father in Burlington grow1ed Like 9
dog with sore head because a physician charged
| S10 for removing kernel Of corn from his son d
ear, where it had lodged. He said coffin only
cost 81, aud the corn would have sprouted Soon,
and might have been pulled up BY the roots.
Recently it rained very heavily, and beau
tifu1 young Indy was waiting in a doorway foz 4
car. Up came polite youth, aud, With Chester
ficldian bow that would have delighted Edmund
tecting you with my umbrella ?" And she said,
in charming voice; Elevate your rag" he
looked as though the remark depressed him con
siderably.
|
that city for the wherewithal to buy drink.
| The merchant, being temperance man, could
not comply with his request; but the fellows
imploring manner and condition touched him.
SWELL" said the persistent fellow, ''n you
can't give it to me, couldn't you lend that gentle
| man ten cents {pointing to the clerk), and tic
could give it to me." Il il needless to say thai
tho chap got his ten cents.
"A middle-aGed man, stranger, was pitched
upon by rufian while crossing Essex street
bridge Saturday, and, after being pretty Mel1 pun
brought out the neighbors, but the runor sudden
~ arising that the victim was book agent
the villain effected his escape. Whom the bleed
ing stranger heard what he had bcen taken for
; he profanely reg1etted he hadn.t struck On L hi
tured his own skull.-D1nbury Ne1rs.
, --Filial piety sometimes assumes most affect
/ ing forms. An Eastern physician, who pays
good deal of attention to anatomy, was presente:
! By his son, upon his birthday, recently, with
, very interesting corpse which the devoted chilli
had 1esurrected from the cemetery the night be
! fore. When the father saw it, he sat down upol
the p1ano-stool and burst into tears. He Bai
that at least he felt repaid for ali the trouble
had with that boy, for all tho nights he ha
! charged around the room with hlm in his infau
cy, and for the anxiety with which the fatho
had watched and directed the growth Of til
{ chi1d'a moral nature.
, IA Gallowstown lady recently requested be
I husband to 20 to the dressmaker and tell he
| that abe (his wife) had changed her mind, an
the poplin, and that "if she thinks it would loo
. better with bias hounces, without putting, an
? box plaited below tho equator, which should
l gathered in hemstitched gudgeons up and dow
the seams, with gusset-stitch between, ahe ca
3 make it up that way, instead Of huting the bob
t net insertion and piecing out with point AZ
plique, es suggested yesterdny." The man
Z now Ia7lng maniac.