Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-01-10
HumOr.

VauSt-a uub.DanQ.
An editor answered challenge. "wher
I want to die, can shoot myself"
What is that which ties two persons, but
only touches one A wedding ring.
Can the man who Of a morning lies drunk
on your doorsteps DO said to be stoopefed.
Why was Herodias' daughter like the
Fenians? Because she had head sent her.
If you meet young lady who is not very
shy, you had better DO little shy yourself.
To keep warm of a cold day. women
double the cape, and men double the horn.
rs the docthur in 2" "No. Will you
lesve your namo ~ can go home widout
un"
If man can sleep on pint Of weiskey,
how many pints would it take to wake"
him?
Why should young ladies never wear
stays? Because it is so horrid to see a girl
tight.
When women como to sit in the jury box
possibly infants may get to be criers in
court.
Smiggles say, that the most thrill ling tale
he ever listened to was that of rattle
snake.
When does an infant eviIcs taste for
literary life ?-When it takes kindly to its
squills
Happiness is like pig with its tail greas-
ed every one runs after it. but nobody can
hold it.
What comes once In minute twice in
moment, and once in mans life ? The
letter NJ.
General Grant takes care of the pecunia.
~ interests of all his relations except Gun
Gle Sam"
The weather is peculiar in St. Louis. They
say-"It was cold enough last night for an
umbrella"
Some women are angry when you tell
them you love them. Others are angrier
when you don't.
A correspondent wants some one to tell
him who Richard III, was before he wss
"himself again"
A Toledo young man was quite smitten
with his neighbor's wife. She smote him
with rolling-pia.
An Indiana woman laments that her hus
band had not better sense than to take the
best sheet to hang himself.
Miss Amy R., Of Iowa, weighs three
hundred and ffty-two pounds No man will
marry her, for fear Of big-Amy.
A man who works for living should
marry woman taller than himself "The
laborer is worthy of his higher"
Widowers are above par in Missouri, and
society lets them marry after three months
mourning, without saying word.
The momentous question Gin croquet y
Eligible bachelor -''Shall follow you up,
Annie, or leave myself for Lizzie ?
What is the difference between a good
conscience and brawler Zone feels in
the right, the other reels in the fight.
At Elmira Female College the fair
s.sophs" have interdicted the wearing of
false hair and bustles by the fresh-wom en-
Old lady-''I see you recover umbrellas"
Shopman-"Yes MN, lots of 'em" OLD
lady-"I want the one lost last Monday"
A fashionable Chicago girl is champion
of buttoned gloves. She has sixty
buttons on each glove, the top one fastening
around the neck.
It is an established fact among railroad
men that new road is good for at least fl.
ty Opponents in the country through which
it runs the first year.
A Southern paper says: "Cns style Of
bonnet is called the 'Mansard, because it
takes great deal Of a man's.hard earnings
to pay for one Of EN-"
Niagara hackmen have increased their
fares in consequence Of Prof Agazziz' init.
nation that no cataract will exist there
ninteen centuries hence.
A lady, speaking Of the gathering Of law.
yers TO dedicate new court house, said she
supposed they had gone ''to view the ground
where they must shortly lie."
Earrings are now fastened to the cal by
. screw, and an addition to domestic noises
Sunday morning is in the shape of mercy
me where is that screw.drivsr p
s.Ses Naples and de-" says the proud old
Italian proverb Il didn't quite de-" com
msnted profape American "but I did
very nearly. The smell was awful"
The Chicago Journal concludes that Grant
ssnevcr had the slightes, pretepsiona to ora.
torical gifts" Exactly, but when it comes
to the other gifts he turns his back to no
man.
The inhabitants OF Rhode Island are was.
ting time in going up by small detacbments
in balloon, when, if they'd just pass the
blade of penknife under the State, they
might all 60 up together.
A secret organization Of young ladies is
said to have been formed in Western town
under the title Of the League for the Sup
preston of Male Flirts," and much curios.
~ is felt by the masculine portion of the
community to find out how many of their
female friends belong to it.
A celebrated physician was called upcn
recently by person suffering from rheuma.
tism, who insisted upon his doing something
for him The physician wrote a presorip-
ton, and, as the patient went out of the
room. be said to him:
II wish you would let me know if that
doe, YOU any good, for I have myeelf been
yery much troubled with rheumatism late
wv