Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1873-11-20
SADLY BAFFLED.

Mr.. Wackup, married man Of Bridgeport,
quit work early the other afternoon, and went
home to fix up for the purpose of spending
the evening-or rather half the night-with
number of his friends. He found his wife
lying upon the lounge enjoying sick head
ache, but he couldn't find clean shirt Mrs.
Wackup said his shirts were washed, but not
roned, and she was too i'll to do it, and it was
the girls afternoon out. A shade of disap-
pontment clouded his brow, and rushing into
the kitchen, he slammed the door with much
earnestness, and fortunately found an iron on
the range, nice and hot. Then he dived into
the basket of dampened clothes, and found
one of his shirts at the bottom-just as he ex-
pected. He spread the garment out on ta-
Bile without first removing the oil-cloth cover,
and hurriedly consulted his watch. Then he
couldn't find the iron-holder, and substituted
his pocket-handkerchief, and after burning
four of his fingers and breaking one of the
commandments, he landed the hot iron on his
shirt bosom. He thought the garment had
strange look, but supposed it would assume
its proper shape when ironed-and he showed
the iron up and down like a jackplane. The
labor seemed so easy that he had mind to
follow the business for living. Then he un-
dertook to turn his shirt, and just because it
adhered to the glazed table-cloth, he gave it
violent jerk, adding at least six inches more
to the split in the back. Then he noticed for
the first time that he had set the red hot iron
on the tail of the garment and scorched hole
in it as large as his hand, and in his haste to
remove the smoothing machine, he neglected
to use the holder, and dropped the hot fraud
on his choice toe; and when Mrs. Wackup,
who was startled by the intensity of his Ian
guage, entered the kitchen, holding her head
with both hands, she discovered her husband
hopping about the room on one foot and clasp
ing the other with both his hands. The SYM
pathy that Mrs. Wackup rendered was not of
a nature that her blistered husband yearned
for just at that particular moment. She
placed her arms akimbo and Indignantly OBJ
served "Ain't you ashamed of yourself, you
old fool; dancing the can-can around here
and your poor wife nearly dead, too! And"-
here her eyes rested upon the wreck on the
table-"and if the old idiot hasn't gone and
ruined my best chemise! O the-the-."
Wackup didn't tarry to hear his infuriated
better-half finish the sentence, but adroitly
lodged the broom.handle, and limped out Of
the room and upstairs to bed, without any
supper. The next morning he told his friends
that the reason why he failed to keep his en-
gagement, was that he was suddenly attacked
with the cholera morbus at the supper-table,
and liked to have died during the night.
AsToNIsHED--A Western editor tells this
story of what he says happened cup i'll the
East"
A good story is told of raw-boned fellow,
who went into a market-house at Boston
perhaps the Quincy-and seeing large hog
on exhibition, was nightly struck with it.
81 swear" said he, "that's great hog; |
swear never saw 6ner-looking one; swear
what short legs he's got l swear.
"Look here, friend" said a dry-looking lit
tie individual, trottiDg up "you must not
swear 81"
"Iswear should like to know why % asked
the hard swearer, with an ominous look.
because swearing is against the law, and I
shall have to commit you," drawing himself
up.
"Are you justice of the peace? inquired
the swearer.
81 am"
"Well, swear, said the profane one, 81 am
more astonished at that than [ was about the
~ e1yoorO