The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-02-08
VARIETY.

A western tailor adyeTtises for 4" two or three
steady girls to put on pants"
A facetious man introduced Hume once as a
" gentleman Hume you should know"
=. Ma. make Bob have himself; every time
hIt him with the hammer he hOllers."
IL il an error to imagine that women talk more
than men. They are listened to, that's all.
A Terre H,ute girl exclaimed, when she saw
Thomas feline elevate his back: - On wOuldn'
he make a lovely bustle!'
\ western editor triumphantly exclaims: .'sian
shall not live by bread aDne, and then ac cknowl-
edges the receipt Of n jug Of a. old Bourbon"
Saith the modern belle, hamTered by weak
treasury Dresses long and boots are
high; stockings l can do without, but car
rings l must have
One Of the editors OF the Cincinnati Inquirer
recently saved the cook Of canal boat from
drowning, and has received letter from the gIrls
father saying, - You have saved the gal, and she's
yOur'n." No cards 30 says a floating paragraph.
In the oil regions, where - cities spring up in
n night, sign was recently seen in frUnt of the
large hotel in the city 0t Antwerp Great
National Hashery. Cold meat served at all hours.
Beds, with or without bugs"
Lady writer says If women were as particu-
lar in choosing yirtuOus husband men arc in
selecting a virtuous wife, moral reformation
would begin which would be something
moro than frOth OF foam.
a lOst cow was lately advertised by the follow
ing notice, which posted on trees and fences
near the owners dwelling =" Strayed stolen
A large Red KOw, with Yaller Speks on her left
eide, and pair OF white speks on her right ear.
She IL about seven or eight years old, and belongs
To poor widow with long tail. Ten dollars
will be given any body who will turn her over
to Newark, Gune II, lsOO69.'
Mr.. Collins, OF Hartford, bought him dog
n large, blOOd-thirsty bulldog. lie said he
wanted dog that would stand by his vile when
he away. lie away the next night, and
cane home late, drunk, as usual, when his dog
met him at his door. The dog looked ut him as
much to say, - Go back where You got your
whiskey." Mr.. Collins argued with the dog,
asking him who was bOssing the house. The dog
took mOuthful out Of Mr.. Collins where he
didn't want it taken out, and the owner of the
dog IS troubled about sitting down. lie wants to
sell good dog.
A QUAEER PRISTER's PRovERBs.-NeYer send
est thOu an article Tor publication without giving
the editor thy name, for thy name Oftentimes
secures publication.
Never do thou loaf about a printing Office ask
questions or knock down type. or the boys will
love you like they do shade trees-when thou
leaveJh.
Thou shOuldss never read the COPY on the
printers case. OF the sharp and hooked cOntainer
thereof, or he may knock thee down.
Never inquire thou Of the editor for the news.
for behold i. ID his business at the appointed
time to give II TO thee without asking.
It - not right that thou shOuldst ask him who
is the author OF article for il Is his duty 20
keep such things unto himself.
When tnOu dJst enter his Office, take heed uu-
TO thyself that thou dOst not look at what may
be laying open and cOucerneth thee not, for that
il Not meet IN the sight of good breeding.
Neither examine thou the proof sheet for il is !
not ready TO meet thine eye that thou mayest
understand.
KISS OR FIGHr.-An exchange tells story of
country party thus:
staIwart young rustic, who was known as
formidable operator in "A =. free fight" had Just
married blooming and beautiful country girl,
only sixteen years Of age, and the twain were at
n party where n number Of young folks of both
sexes were enjoying themselves in the good (O
old-fashiOned pawn-paying style. Every girl in
the room was called and kissed except Mrs. -,
the beautiful bride aforesaid, and although there
nOJ yOungster present who was not dying TO
kiss her, they were restrained by the presence of
her heTculean husband. who stood regarding the |
party with a look Of sullen dissatisfaction. They
InistOOk the cause Of his anger, however, for sud-
denly rolling up his sleeve, he stepped into the
middle Of the room, and IN a tone of voice that \
at once secured marked attention, said
- Gentlemen, have been noticing how things j
has been working here for some time, and ain 4
half satisfied. 1 don't want to raise fuss, but"
- What's the matter, John - inquired half a /
dozen voices. - What do you mean Have we \
done anything to hurt your feelings?'
- Yes, you have; all of you have hurt my feel /
ilgs, and I've got just this say about there
every gal in the roOm been kissed mighty nigh a
dJzen times apiece, and there's my wife, who /
consider as likely any OF 'em has not had q /
single one tonight, and Ill just tell you now, If
she dDn't get many kisses the balance of the I
time 40 any gal in the room, the man that Sights
her has got to 6ght-that's all. Now 60 ahead
with your pIaysi"
If Mrs. B-was siighted during the balance
Of the evening we did not know it. As for our
selves, we know that John had no fault to find
with M individually for auv neglect on our mart