The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1873-04-26
,ro. Man md hi. wife Put MP II

from the DantUry ScwS'J
J.ut,inr IN a stove is not so d,lliru' sr
r,r,I, II is the pipe that raises 'o.,i u''.'' ,
tho mischief ana all the gust LIZ" ' .I
take down stove with all the care I" t t
world. and have your VIE pu' Nv" n;no
rjpc in secure place, ana Su' ,,,oa ho,nro
won, come together again ~ IL was 49,.
W., S,d this ont when you are stahd,nS on
,.,,.;r With vour arms full oil r'pe &u1 your
.,th fnU ri SCOT Your wife is standing
nn mo door in a position that enables her
70 See YOU. the pipe. and the CHAR; ana mere
nc gives uitcElnce To those remarks tDat
.,rr calculated 10 hasten a man into the
cx,remc> of insanity. Her dress Is pinned
over her waist. and her hands rest on
her hips. She has got one Of your hats
ON her head, and your linen coat on her back,
and a pair Of your rubhers on her teet.
There is about five cents worth of pot-Diack
on her nose, and a lot Of -four on her chm,
and altogether she is spectacle that wou'o
inspire dead man with diStru>t. Ahu
White you are up there trying to circum'en'
tac awful contrariucSS Of the pipe. anu tell
ins that YOU know some tool has oeen EiiA'
iuc il. she stands safely on the lloor ana ooh'
bards YOU with such domestic notices as
..What's the Use Of swearing sou lou
know no one has touched that pipe" You
-. DO he careful of that chair." And
then She goes OF, and rtappcars with
M armtul more Of pipe, and before you
arc aware of it she has got that pipe SO
horribly mixed up that It does seem no
two pieceS are alike. You join the ends,
aud work them to and tro, and take them
a,.,rt again and look at them. Then you
spread one out and Jam the other together,
and mount them once more. But II IS 10
60. You begin 10 think the pieces are In
sDired with lite, and ache TO kick them
Through the wiuuow. But she doesn't lose
lcr yatebce. She goes around With that
awtulIy exaSpcraiing rigging on, with
length Of pipe under each arD, and long
bapGlcd Lrocm i'll her hand, and says she
don't see how it is some people never have
any trouble In putting up stove. Then YOU
miss the hammer. You don't see It any
wterc. You stare into the pipe and along
The u.an;le, and COVE Oh the stove, and Oft
10 the floor. Your wife watches you in
tcnily, and Is finally thoughtful enough
10 inquire what you are looking after,
and on learning, pulls the article from
IL. pocket. Then YOU feel is if you could
go out doors and Swear a hole twelve feet
SQUARE through n block Of brick buildings,
Tut she merely observes, why on earth
don't you speak when you want anvthing,
and not stare around like dummy" When
that part Of the pipe hich goes through the
wall is up she Keeps it up with her broom
while YOU arc ulaking the connection, and
s,al"S at il with all Intensity that is entirely
uacal.ed !or. All the willie yo,lr position is
l,cgoun. .onro and more interesting. The
pipe don't 90 together, Of course. The SCOT
SHAKES down into your eyes and mouth, tie
sweat rolls down your lace and tlckles your
cuin rs i; drops OF, and it seems as if your
arms are slowly but surely drawing out
81 their sockets. Here your wife comes
- the rescue by inquring if you are
gDl,- to he ali day doing nothing, and
il vou think her arms are made OF cast
iron and tu,n the broom slips of the
l!pr, ana in her eiiaeavor to recover her
hold she jas YOU under the chm with the
hrndc, aud tic pipe comes down on your
he'd with its load 81 Tried SCOT, and then the
~tIair Tits forward enough to discharge your
f,r.;. aud YOU come Gown on tue wrong end
o. li.at clair with 4 force that would DaDk-
rupt Ii ritclrlEcr. You don't touch that
s,o>c G.,,in. You leave your wife examining
the chair aud hemoaning its injuries. and so
i..!o me kitchen and wash your skinned and
IT, tt.iny n:u;ls with yellow soap. Then You
~ dCNu the street after a man to do tie
isus.ue.S, and your vile goes over to the
iui"hilrIs with her chair and tells them about
IL ;urie>, and drain, the ncighborhOod dry
.: is sympathy loEg before you get home.