Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1873-10-27
CELL PERKINS, NOTES,
AiPA.nienabis ssrmes

Y While was preaching young iady
asked.
!" How can we tell shoddy people,
! Uncle EliY'f e.LgtefLL
K This way, my friends: When a strange
family arrives at our hotel, you must
watch them closely. Divinity puts up
certain iniallible signs to distinguish the
ignorant aud vulgar from the children
OF culture and virtue.
|. II the lady comes into the parlor
with diamond ring on the outside OF
her glove il is safe to ask her how much
she gets week. Hear, hearl" and
several ladies put their hands under
their paniers
2. II Providence erects dyed mus
tache over the mouth OF man, il is TO
show that he is a gambler or vulgarian.
[Cheers, when two American Club men,
gambler and four plug.uglies from
Baltimore, put their hands over their
musiaches iaaa
3. II, when that new family enter or
leave a room the gentlemen rush ahead,
leaving the ladies TO follow, there is
something shoddy" somewhere.
4. IL the man presents the ladies' to
the gentlemen, instead of vice versa, and
they all shake hands on first presenta-
tion, then you may know they hail from
the Oil City.
5. If, when they 90 in to dinner, they
do nothing but loudly order the walters
around aud talk about the wine, you can
make up your mind that they are the
first walters they ever had and the only
wine they ever drank. IL they pick
their teeth at the table, or take out their
false teeth and rinse them in the tum-
bier a voice, shoot them on the spot"
yes, my friends, say that to their teeth.
6. If, when a gentleman sits in the
parlor talking to lady, he doesn't sit
up straight, but sprawls all over the sofa,
put the soles Of his boots on the lady's
dress, on the furniture, or wipes his
shoes on his own linen pantaloons, you'd
better refuse an introduction to him.
[Applause, when eight young fellows,
who sat with their legs radlating like
the wings of n windmill, or sprawling
one foot cross-legged in the empty air,
vhirled themselves right side up.
I. If the ladies in that party white
wash their faces, redden their lips, black
their eyebrows, or bronze or yellow their
hair, just you think this is another sign
which Providence puts up so you can
shun them. Enamel and hair dye are
social beacon-lights, to enable you to
keep of the rock OF Cypria. just you
keep away from such people, for they
are wolves in sheep clothing,
Voice from young lady" But VIC
want to look beautiful, Mr.. Perkins.
But this will not make you beautiful,
my children. Any sweetheart who is so
shallow as to take whitewash for the hu
man skin, or rouge for the rose-cheeks of
nature is too much OF sap-head to
make a good husband, and if he is smart
enough to see through your deception,
why he will surely leave you in disgust.
Applause by the gentlemen, while sew
eral ladies wiped their faces with their
pocket handkerchiefs.
s. II, when this family get into their
carriage to ride to the lake, the young
ladies appear in gaudy colors, throw over
their laps bright yellow and red or
blue afghan, and the coachman wears a
gold hat band, and a sprawl tailed yell
low livery, with velvet collar, and holds
brass bespangled horses by White reins,
YOU may know that the owner keeps a
livery stable, and that this is his first
carriage,
DR.. Chaplin told my uncle Consider
this story the other day to illustrate the
opinion some men have concerning the
effect of religion:
A pious old Kentucky Deacon-Dea-
con Shelby-was famous as a shrewd
horse dealer. One day Farmer Jones
went over to Bourbon county, taking
his black boy Jim with him, to trade
horses with brother Shelby. After a
good deal of dckering they finally made
the trade, and Jim rode the new horse
home.
Wasn't your master afraid the Dea-
con would get the best of him in the
trader" asked some of the Deacon's
neighbors as Jim rode past.
"Oh, mol" replied Jim, as his eyes
glistened with a new intelligence,
Massa knowed how Deacon Shelby |
has dun got kinder pious lately; and he
was on his guard
met a Californian to-day who says
he don't believe Cinnamon have ordl-
nary common sense.
"They havn't ordinary sagacity,
Uncle Eli. y
"Why2" l asked.
Because said he, growing excited |
about it, OH tell you honestly just how
it is, Mr. Perkins. One day, just before |
| left home, we put some tar and feath- |
ers on one of them Johnnys out in
Frisco, Just to have a little fun, and
then set fire to it TO amuse the children,
and the darned fool ran into a clothes
press and spoiled dozen Of my wife
dresses putting out the fire, though l
told him better all the time. Dog-on-lt,
il is enough to make man lose faith in
the whole racel
And that good Californian threw a
colored waiter out of fourth story win
dow and went on cutting off his cou-
pons.
Last year ! saw watch spring, a
note run, a rope walk, horse fly and
even the big trees leave. ! even saw a
plank walk aud Third Avenue
Bank run, but the other day
saw a tree box, cat fish aud stone
fence. / am now prepared TO see the
Atlantic coast and the Pacific slope.
NV Uncle Consider says he saw tree
bark. saw it boiler, and theH commence
10 leave. The tree held on to its trunk,
which they we're trying TO seize tor
board.
He was a seedy, sloucbys cadsverous'
lookipr mau IRON New Jersey, writes
eli ~ that wabbled up 10 the titth /
Avenue Hotel counter. he set down
his carpetbsg, dropped bis umbrella and
scrawled
"JoH-E BILL ING s..