Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-09-04
snlit their sides at the cOmiaol ,,o,~ ,,;.l

split their sides at the comical wav with
which he approached the neighborhood
Of his nose, when shaving his upper lip,
| or shrek with horror, fearful that they
would witness a suicide, as he would
draw his razor across his throat. At last
the street would become impossible, and
policeman would enter on the scene.
edging his way with difficulty through
the crowd, and the matter would end by
the arrest of the practical joker as a dis
turber of the public peace. Before the
magistrate, when condemned to paw a
fine, the musician would allege 'that
London was so dark, so foggy, that he
never could see to shave himself except
in the street, and not liking to sit on the
curbstone or on house steps, he had
thought that cab transformed into a
dressing room was not only the most in
ingenious but a very intelligent way a
getting rid of his supertluous beard.''
Never at rest, travelling from one
part of the continent to another,
his chief object in life seemed
to be to worry custOm-house officials.
Travelling with a quantity of baggage, and
being an inimitable actor, he would pre-
tend to conceal two of them, a huge
trunk and smaller one, from the eyes of
the officials, only the more to excite their
curiosity. At last the larger trunk would
be opened. 1t would be found to contain
thousands of secondh hand pantaloon
straps, an appendix to trousers now per
tectly obsolete. In vain the custom house
people would try to cudgel their brains
to solve the mystery. They had to be all
bundled out to the very last one, but, to
their amazement, no two straps were
found to be alike. They had evidently
been packed by hydraulic pressure for
the most frantic efforts on the part of the
employees would not put them back again
into the trunk. In the meantime hundreds
OF passengers were stOrming at the deten-
ton while the practical Joker calmly
| looked on at the bother he was causing
But the second and smaller trunk was
now to be examined, and the custom
house people hoped there to find him in
default. They ask for the keys The
practical joker draws punches of ponder
Gus keys from every one of his pockets;
none will fit, until at last, their patience
exhausted, the custom-house officers
threaten to burst the trunk open Then
| the possessor of this particular trunk
calmly asks the angry officer if he is
| married. "What is that your business?"
is the surly reply "Only this, that
| before you open that trunk | would
advise you to 90 home, shake
hands with your wife, kiss your little chill
| dren, write your will, and call at an I'm
dertaker's as you come baCk-there are
rattleSnakeS in that trunk | never travel
without them" Of course the man leaves
the trunk instantly, and a messenger has
to be sent to the head director, who is
shreWd enough to be aware that he has to
| do with some Dractical iplar Presently
the official returns, and asks pOmpously:
How many snakes have you, sir?" "Only
| six" is the reply; "look for YOURSELF"
ooh only six. The head of the depart
ment says six snakes can pass, but that
seven would have had to pay duty. | am
| also directed to state to you that if you do
not leave this office-pantaloon straps,
snakes and all-in five minutes, you will
be forcibly elected" And who is to
repack my precious straps, a collection
uncqualed in the history of the world?
The law entities me to all my goods You
took them out, put them back again. The
best period of my life is being devoted to
finding pairs for those straps. But | am
IN the cruel grasp Of the law, and have no
time to defend my rights, save this, my
champions" and here the practical joker
uncOvers his head surmOunted by
peculiar high hat, from which appears
snow-White diminutive Bantam cock The
chicken raises himself up from the joker's
head, claps his wings, crows three times,
the hat Is put on again, the chicken goes
to roOst on his head, and, having in about
fifteen minutes driven the CuStOmhOuse
people to madness, besides annoying a
host OF anxious travellers, the practical
Joker disappears