The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1873-12-03

(92.OOO lust received, and for sale
at depot" Another warning to
husbands.
=" If it wasn't for the ten-ccnt stamp
occasionally found in a chew OF to-
jbacco a considerable portion OF our
citizens would starve.
"Please don't shoot the cows IS
q sign on farmers fence near CHI
:,cago, intended for city sportsmen
who go out after prairie chickens
A Rhode Island jury were five
DAYS debating on a hog case involv-
ing seven dollars, and then recon-
'mended both men tc the mercy OF
the court.
A Missouri clergyman's fees tor
marrying fourteen couples amount
ed to fifty pounds OF dried apples
and a due bill for eighteen bushels
of buckwheat.
A Pekin, ILL.,, coroner's jury rem
derea a verdict that man, whose
body was found in the river, came
TO his death by blow on the head,
r"which was given either before or
after drowning."
Mr.. Smith will have his joke.
His wife walked nearly i'll front OF
4 4 railroad train the other day, and
he said that if she had gone a step
farther his children would have had
a step-mother.
The journalists Will have their
! fun, as witness the following from
a Cincinnati paper: "a favorite
amusement at Laramie is slashlne
off strangers ears. One blow Is
sufficient for al except Louisville
ears"
The custodian Of what had been
Garibald's straw-stnffed bed in Is
CHA was heard to matter, on seeing
a lady carrying away a few straws
as a relic, "Thcy will do it; I've
stuffed it six times already since
the general left. ~
A young lady had coquetted un-
til the victim was completely ex-
hausted. He rose to SO away. She
whispered, as she accompanied
him to the door, 81 shall be at home
next Sunday evening"" $50 shall
l." he replied.
" Alsagrceablc and versatile Iowa
local says: "Cedar River is in a
languishing condition. 1t is very
low and confined to its bed. The
catfish get aground, and have to
be be lifted off the sand-bsrs by the
good-natured boys"
A Maine woman ate four quarts
of oysters at one sitting, the other
day, and won one hundred dollars
cby so doing, which, after deducting
her burial expenses, eighty-tive dol
lars, left her fifteen dollars to COM
,nence the next world with.
Vicl.sburg offers areward for the
recovery cf an old lady, aged one
fhundrea al d eleven, who, it is sup
posed, had been kidnapped by some
'1elonious journalist from a rival
city, desirous to secure her obituary
for his own local items.
An imaginative Irishman gave
utterance to this lamentation: 81
returned to the halls of my fathers
bv night; and found them in ruins.
I cried aloud, My fathers! where
are they?' aud eaho answered, rs
that you, Patrick Mccarthy ?'''
4 Philadelphia Quaker comp1i-
mcnted one of his sect, who had
Joined an Episcopal Church, on the
new organ used there. "Why, ]
thought thee objected to church
music p ""Ah, so | do" was the
reply; "but if thee must worship
God by machinery, | want thee 70
have the best
When an enthusiastic editor de-
scribes a bride as bonny, and an
envious compositor sets her up as
bonv. as was done at Jacksonville
the other day, hope for a season
bids the world farewell, and free
dom shrieks as the composltor falls
at his form, Drained by the brother
of the blooming bride.
A henpeckcd gentleman deier-
mined to sup with a party of
friends, against the will of his wife:
lie was resolved that he would, and
she that he should not go. lie did
not go. His friends missed him;
and, Just for lark, invaded his
residence, where they found him
and his wife sitting in their chairs,
fast asleep. He had given her an
opiate that he might slip away, and,
she had gwen him one that he