Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1873-05-01
NEWLY MARRIED MEN.

First. Just married; destined to fin
ger in clover, new mown hay, and such
herbage from nine to twelve months.
Then
Second. Some black, raseally, stormy
night you are turned out into streets
and ponds and mill races or amid snow
eighteen inches deep, and drifting like
blazes, and told to run out for the doc
tor. When you get home again, eight
chances to ten, little red flannel look
ing thing, about the siz- of potato
awaits you. They will call it a baby
and packed up with it you will find the
first squalls of married life-you can
bet on that.
Third Paregoric and soothing
syrup, and catnip tea, and long flannel,
and diaper stuff, and baby cholic-they
will come along too; in fact,sthey will
become just as much at home in the
house as dinner. Then
Fourth. One of these nights, in
'sThc wee small hours ayont the twall,"
you will turn again. Barefoot and icy,
disconsolate sense Of dampness all about
you, only cotton shirt or such a mat
ter, between you and the distressed
openness of cane seat chair, you will
distractedly rock that baby back and
forth, and bob it up and down, singing
meanwhile, with voice like wild OK
in slaughter yard:
''This thing is playing out, Mary.
b Rock o'bye. baby, on tree top.
or some such melody. And all the
time that baby yells, Oh, doesn't he
yell while Mary, up to her nose under
the warm bed covers, to help out, every
now and then impatiently puts in, just
at the wrong place, "Why don't you
trot him faster, Edward?" And you
trot him oh how you trot him.! If
you could only trot his wind out so far
that he never could get auy of it back,
or break his back or neck, OF some
thing, you wouldbe immeasurably happy.
But no. The little innocent seems
tougher than an Indian rubber car
spring. Just as you are about giving
up, concluding that you mast freeze,
that there will certainly have to be a
funeral in the house inside of thirty six
hours, baby Wits from sheer exhaus-
ton, and then, with teeth chattering
like a Mccormick reaper, you crawl in
BY Mary and try to sleep again.
Fifth. Gradually you glide away
into tangled maze Of ice, chau,omile,
more ice, skating weather, steam
whistle voiced babies, Jocky-club,
sleigh rides, crinoline immense as the
old bell at Moscow, Indian ambuscadea,
snow storms, and forty other equally
cheerful things, suddenly. :.
Sixth. A snort a thrash, a wild
throwing upward of little arms and
legs, and then keen and shrill comes
that terrible "ah-waah! ah,waab,"
again, Il guess you wake up don't
you! '.
Get the paregoric and teaspoon
quickF says Mary, in sharp, staccato
tone, land why don't you get it,"
In just three Fights of a second you
are Grecian bend out there on the
cold floor dropping paragoric in tea
spoon.
Hurry! Gracious little Ed. describ-
ing diabolical curves with all the arms
and legs he's got, and screaming one
hundred pounds to the square inch, and
Mary rearing around there in the bed
making rocking chair of her back,
and yelling, ''By. by O." like a wild
Comanche on the war path. Oh,rzno;
circumstances are not such as to make
you hurry any. And then to think
that as days and perhaps years roll on
there has got to be more and more yet
of Just such distressed work!