Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-03-27

URSDAY, MARCH 81,
CAMP STORIES.
Some Of Sc John Phnmix'.'' Funny l,c
| nitnisccnces.
Among the many good things toIt
by "John Phoenix" Uicut Derby ar
his "Camp "Reminiscences"
"JusT HELP YOURSELF TO THE MUS
TARD."
In New Mexico Capt. A. B., of tn,
First Dragons, commanding company
had been stationed about forty mile.
from a small post commanded by Lieut.
y. B., of the infantry. One day Capt
A: B. concluded to ride over and give
his neighber q call ]; so throwing him
self athwart noble steed he started,
and after hard gallop-forty miles il
respectable ride, you know-he ar
rived at O. BIS tent Just as the drum.
mer was performing that popular air,
ooh, the roast beef of old England; =
Refining in his horse and shaking
hands with o. B., who came forth
to greet him, "on hospitable thought
INTENT" he said, swell, Lawrence
been to dinner? e" "No, ] haven't, =
@ was the reply, lust going; come in,
come in:" "Devilish glad of it,
said B. dismounting, "never was SO
hungry in my life" :.Well, come
in" said 0. B., and they went in
accordingly, and took seats at small
uncovered pine table, on which a SER
want shortly placed a large tin pan
full of boiled rice, and broken bot
tie half full of mustard. The captain
looked despairingly around-there was
as be drew the tin pan toward him,
"are you fond of boiled rice ~
"Well. no." said Abe, somewhat hes
itatingly, II can't say that I am
"Ah," replied
Lawrence, coolly, "UeM,. just help
yourself to the mustard ~ "He was
from South Carolina, said O. b., when
ne told this story, "and they eat rice
down there somewhat"
'HAD HIM THERE"
Old Col. Tom. S., of the infantry. a
very large, burly, red-faced gentleman,
with snow.white head and voice like
bass trombone, has an unfortunate
habit of thinking out loud. While
stationed temporarily at Washington,
the old gentleman one Sunday morning
took 1t into his head to 20 10 church.
where he took seat in a pew beneath
the pulpit, and, prayer-book in hand,
attentively followed the clergyman
through the entire service. It happen
ed to be the 18th day of the month ::
but In giving out the Psalms
Tor the day, the Rev. Mr.. p. made q
mistake and announced, "The 10th
day OF the month, morning prayer, be-
ginning at the 10th Psalm" When. to
the astonishment of the congregation,
Old Col. Tom, in the pew below. in a
deep bass voice thought aloud, Z" The
l7th day Of the month, by Jupiter i! "
The clergyman Immediately corrected
himself, "Ah the 18th day of the
month, morning prayer, beginning at
the 85th Psalm" When the propriety
OF the assembly was Immediately dis.
turbed by another thought from Old
Tom' who in the same deep tone re-
marked, "H0d him there ;" He had.
certainly, and the congregation also.
THE TALE OF A sERENADE.
When the gallant Col. Magruder, o1
convivial memory, commanded the
United States forces at the Mission ot
San Diego, it entered into that officers
head to execute serenade for the be.
hoof of certain fair ladies then honor.
ing New Town with their presence.
Accordingly all the officers of the mess
who could sing, play or beat time, were
pressed inte the service, and one night
about II o'clock q jolly crowd left the
Mission for New Town, in a
large wagon plentifully furnished
with guitars, flutes and other ar
rangements of o musical nature.
Among the rest, jovial young sur
geon, attached to the command, had
installed himself at the back seat, with
his instrument; which happened on
this occasion to be bottle Ct whisky.
and on which he played during the
ride with such effect as to have raised
his spirits at the arrival of New Town
considerable above the fifth ledger
line. You may remember q Bowery
song, rather popular in those days, the
chorus of which ran:
"Oh my nane is Jake Key ser, was born in
Spring Garden,
TO mako me preacher my father did try;
But it's no use blowing. for am hard ono.
And am bound to be a butcher, by Heavens. %
or die.'
This unfortunate song had somehow
or other occurred to the doctor; he
couldn't get rid of it; he couldn't help.
singing it; and accordingly when the
whole party were duly ranged beneath
the window with flutes and voices up
raised, and were solemnly bleating
forth ;,
sort in tho stilly night, -
the entertainments were disagreeably
for far louder than the "stilly
night" rang the wild medical chant,
only varied by an occasional hic,
''Oh my name is Jake Keyser," &c.
This was not to be borne; so turning
fiercely on the delinquent Esculapius,
Col. Magrndef commanded him to
desist from the interruption, and to
" thenceforth hold his peace"
With admirable strategy the doctor
backed up against the adjacent fence,
where he could deliver himself safely
and to advantage, and with most in.
tense dignity replied, "Col. Magruder,
I'm rofficer of the AIRY, when
I'm ath' Mission, I'm under your
orrors; consider se'f so-and-
obey i'm but, when I'm down
here, sirl serrernding-" on, Pm
bound to be Il hatcher, by Heavens.
or dc ! suhoo2o ;" aud after perform
ing an extempore dance OF fantastic
description, during which he fell to
the earth, the doctor was borne by
main force to the wagon, where he
slept at intervals during the remain
der of the serenade, occasionally
waking as some flourish of extra
shrillness or power occurred, to NUT
ter incoherently, that his "name was
Jake Keyser."
A New Tanning Material.
Michigan is happy among the States,
for her inquisitlve sons have just dis
covered that tens of thousands Of her
acres, hitherto deemed worthless on
account of the dense growth Of sweet
fern, are really valuable, for this lux
uriant vegetable is found to be much
more powerful astringent than hemlock,
and far superior to that substance for
tanning purposes, yielding forty per
cent extract where hemlock yields but
fourteen. Tanneries will soon spring
nm o,,;ok1v in tho vicinifv nf those v0at