Juniata sentinel. [volume] (Mifflintown, Pa.) 1846-1873, 1873-09-17

A DISAPPOINTED SURPRISE PARTY
A story is told of surprise party that
came off in Connecticut, recently, which
was not as joyous as it should have been.
1t was reported of man and his wife,
who had been married for many years
without having any children, that they
had at last been made happy by the
birth of daughter. Some of their
friends determined to give the man a
presentation surprise party. So about
forty persons marched up to the house
one evening, carrying cradle, and lots
of gum rings, and bibs, and bottles with
gum nozzles, and baby carriage, and
some little night-gowns, and coral
amulet, and gross of soothing syrup,
and socks, and paregoric. And they
all burst into the parlor at once on tip
toe. And when the man, in amazement,
asked them what they meant by such
conduct, they said they were coming
quietly so as not to wake the baby.
And when he blushed, and stammered,
and asked, "What baby ?" they said
his baby, and began to hand him the
things, and to load HIM down with
soothing syrup and gum rings until he
foored one of the guests with a quart
bottle of paregoric, and held him down
until he explained. And then it was
revealed that it was all mistake about
that little daughter that no such arrival
had taken place at all, but that the
report was false. And then the surprise
party was a great deal more surprised
than the man was and the guests
gathered up that infant furniture, and
tried to pretend to the man that they
never thought he had a daughter, but
they understood he had accepted a
position as a director of an orphan
asylum, and that they brought round a
few things for him to distribute among
the poor fatherless children. The man
said it was singularly thin, and then the
company went home.
SARATOGA lawyers are unequal to the
exertion of a complete dance, and this
is the way they manage to slide out.
"Eli Perkins" is our authority. The
young lady is introduced to the substi-
tute with the following casual remark {:
81 give and bequeath to you to have
and to hold in trust one-half of my right
title, and claim, and my advantage, in
dance known as the Railroad Galop,
with Amelia johnson, with all her hair,
paniers, grasshopper bend, rings, fans,
belt, hairpins, smelling bottle, with all
the right and advantage therein; with
full power to have, hold, encircle, whirl,
toss, wiggle, push, jam, squeeze or
otherwise use-except to smash, break
or otherwise damage-and with right
to temporarily convey the said Amelia
johnson, her hair, rings, paniers, and
other objects heretofore or hereinafter
mentioned, after such whirl, squeeze,
wiggle, jam, ETC., to her natural parents,
now living, and without regard to any
deed or deeds or instruments, of what
ever kind or nature soever, to the con-
trary in anywise Notwithstanding.
WHOSE FAULT ?-Wife (reproachfully)
go, Charles !" (She had returned to
the dining-room, wondering why he had
not come up stairs to teal. Charles
(who had evidently taken q little too
much winel: IVY well, my dear! 'Sh
not my fault ! 'Sh your fault! Cooksh
fault Bisque soup was salt Sh'preme
d'la V'laille was smoked! And orange
frittersh tough as leather! What did
Capt'n. Du Cane shay? Bad cookery
cause of all sorts O crimes. 'Shamed
of yourself!'
A LEXINGTON Mass owner of hens
noticed that one of them had an i'm
mense crop, and procuring sharp knife
and made an incision, and drew forth a
dish-cloth. That's just like hen. It
will eat anything it can swallow, and
swallow anything it can get hold of. It
would swallow fence if it was loose,
and then step around back of the house
to see if dinner was ready. 1t is with
hens as with story papers, everything
is in their necks.
RECENTLY a young man who was
night writing school near
Danville, was smitten by the charms of
a Lady who was present, and at the
close of the school hustled forward to
solicit the pleasure of escorting her
home. "Yes," said the Lady, 'if you
will carry my boy" The youth wilted,
and the young matron went home with
out him.
A GREAT FAvoR.-Bntler (at luncheon
-"Steak little hard, Ma'am? Pause
We've a partic'ler tender leg O. lamb in
the hall. Shall I inquire if you can
have slice of that, Ma'am?"
LITTLE BY L1rTLE.-Farmer-"Wull,
Jarvis, and how be ye, sir ?"
Master Jarvis-"O, only Just mid
ding There be main soight too much
o. me to be all well at one time r.
The man who wrestled with adver.
sity wore out his silk stockings and got
lady took her SON Of sonna Hvo