The Orangeburg news. [volume] (Orangeburg, S.C.) 1867-1875, 1873-10-04

Which of the reptiles is a mathemati-
clan 2-The adder.
How to prevent bad dreams-don't
go to sleep.
To learn che value Of mouey-try to
borrow il.
A woman's love for military officer
sgenerally uniform.
~ When does farmer work miracle
When he turns his horse 70 grass.
{, -Sweeiening ones coffee is generally
the fret stirring event Of the day.
A text for balloonists-"G thou and
do like Wise"
q They don't let it roign in Spain any
longer, when IL prefers TO Carlism.
Talmage Gays that Jay Cooke is ono of
Gods picked men. Singed, rather. n
a patent Ere. escape killed four men
in Montreal, che other day, and it was
only experimenting thea.
Why is cindsr in the eye like
achoolmaster' cane l-Because it hurts
, ahe pupil.
Most men like to SEQ themselves in
prips. ladies like to see themselVss in
q silk and velvet.
.r There Is good reaSOn why a little
man should not marry q bouncing widow
He might bs called the "Widw's mite"
The "London Cosmopolitan" in dulgcs
in the hope Of seeing Judah P. Bemja-
lain lord chief justice of England.
"Husband, where shall I get the tick
ing for our new feather bed ?" "Any
place where you can get the tick"
A full purse and brandy bottle
rarely occupy opposite pockets in the
same coat.
The man is always most honored who
> is most excellent in what he undertakes.
II is better to saw wood well than to
q plead law poorly.
A man ont West who offered bail for
% friend was asked By the Judge if he
had an incumbrance on his farm.
a"Oh Jes," said he, "my old woman"
A convict in Maine cut his way
through the solid masonry Of the Jail
with piece of hoop.skirt iron. Hoop
skirts will cut their way through every
thing. They are irresistible.
An Indianapolis man writes that if
Barnum will go thither he may secure
an animal which is supposed to oxempli
fy Darwin's "missing lynx" 1t has
attacked several citizens lately.
An Irifhman seeing a ship very
heavily laden, and scarcely above the
Matsr's edge, exclaimed: "Upon my
soul If the river was bus . little higher
the shis would 60 to the bottom 7
An Oneida philosopher recommends
putting sawdust in your boots to keep
Che feet dry. Many parties would doubt
less take this advice If they could only
find anything else suitable to stuff their
heads with. 4
The Oxford Press says that the follow
ing epitaph will some day adorn tomb
stone 10 Westchester cemetery:
s"Iere lies old thirty Eve Per cent,
The more he made. the more he lent:
/. The more he get, the more he eraved;
The more he made the more he shaved;
Great God! can such soul be sAyedt"
An unimaginativo Englishnan, on
visiting the Falls Of Niagara, was great
iy perplexed at the astoniUhmcnt express
ed BY his companions, and On one Of
them exeiaiuing to him, "Is il not a
moss wonderful fslll" replied, "Wcn-
dsrful! No, ] see nothing Wondsrfal
in it! Whyf What's TO hinder that
water fron falling'"
cJ "I say, old boy,'' cried Paul Pry to
sn exeayAtOE whom hs sspisd % the
bottam Of . ysWaiag gulf, "what are
ysu digsiagthsgsp "A bis ,hols,' the
cid boy replied. Psal was not to DO
Pnt oil In this fhshioa. "What are yen
going to do sith tbe hale Phe aakod.
T. "Goiug to eut ID MP into small holes,
Etjoinsd the old boy, and retail them to
farmers for gate posts H..
W6Trishmsa ora auitsy hight took
refuge under the bsd clothes from
party Of mosquitoes. At last, one Of
them, gasping from heas, ventarod to
pssp beyond the bulwarks, and espied n