Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1873-04-24
NEWLY MARRIED MEN.
What They Have to Come Ts.
ny RELIABLE I

ny RELIABLE YOUNG.
First. Just married ; destined to fin
gar 10 clover, new mCwn hay, and sucl
harbage from nine to twelve month";
Then
Second. Some black, rascally, storm,
night you are turned out into streets an,
ponds and mill races or amid snow eich
teen inches deep, and drifting like blnzes
and told to run for the doctor. Wher
you get home again, eight chances to ten,
a little red flannel looking thing, about
the size of q potato, awaits you. They
will call it baby, and packed up with
it you will find the FIRST squalls of mar.
ried life-you can bet on that.
Third. Paregoric and soothing syrup,
and cstnip tea, and long flannel. and
diaper stuff, and baby cholic-they will
come along too in fact, they will become
just as much at home in the house as din.
nerl Then
Fourth. One Of these nights, IN
1.-THE wee small hours ayont the twall,'
you will turn again. Barefoot an icy,
d;sconsolate sense Of dampness all about
you. only a cotton shirt or such a matter,
between you and the distressed openness
Of a a seat chair, you will distraetsdly
rock that baby back and forth, and bob it
up and down, singing, meanwhile, with 3
voice like a wild OK in q slaughter yard
"This thing Is playing out, Mary,
Rock o'bye, baby, on a tree top"
or some such melody. And all the time
that baby yells, Oh, doesn't he yell!
Whhc "'.J up to her nose under the
warm bed covers, to help out, every DOW
and then impatiently puts in, just at the
wrong place, "Why don't you trot hin
faster, EdwardT" And you trot bim-oh
tow you do trot him! If you could on
ly trot his wind out so far that he never
could get any Of it back, or break his
back or neck, or something, you would
be immeasurably happy. But no. The
little innocent seems tougher than an In
dian rubber car spring, Just as you are
about giving up, concluding that you
must freeze that there will certainly have
to be O funeral in the house inside Of
t~hirty-six hours, baby willis from sheer ex.
haustion, and then, with teeth chattering
like q Mccormick reaper, you crawl in by
Mary and try to sleep again.
Fifth. Gradually you glide away into
a tangled maze Of icy. c~hamomile, more
ice, skating weather, steam-whistle voiced
babies, Jockey club, sleigh rides, crinoline
immense as the old bell at Moscow, In
dian ambuscades, snow storms, and forty
other equally cheerful things, suddenly
Sixth. A snort, a thrash, q wild
throwing upward Of little arms and legs,
and then keen and shrill comes that ter
rible 'ah-waah,' a-again 81 guess you
wake up don't you?"
Get the parsgoric and a teaspoon quick 7
says Mary, in q sharp, s~taccato tone, and
why don't you getit?
In just three-eights Of q second you
are 3 Greeian bend out there on the cold
floor dropping paregoric in a teaspoon.
Hurry! Gracious little Ed. describing
diabolical curves with all the arms and
legs he's got, and screaming one hundred
pounds TO the square inch. aud Mary rear.
ing around there in tho bed. making a
rocking chair Of her back, and yelling.
by, by o. like a wild Comanche on the
war path. Oh, no; circumstances are
not such as to make you hurry any. And
then to think that as days perhaps years
roll on there has got to be more and
mora vet Of inst inch distressed work