The Placer herald., 1873-11-15
PAPER COLLARS.

SOl4tsAnSs
Paper collars are well enough understood
new, and the addition of cloth lining has
worked wonderful Improvement in the ar
ticle. The boy who tries his first collar in
this day has none of the trials or apprchen-
sions of the boy of ten or fifteen years ago.
We remember with unpleasant distinctness
the first paper collar we wore. 1t was at Il
surprise party. A half hour after the advent
of oursef and the other surprisers we were
located in the parlor on mohar chair.
And they were very fresh and vig' rous mo-
hairs, too. 1t was our intention to have got
in corner, but we missed the aim, and got
located within eighteen inches of the stove.
1t was large stove, with complicated
mass of perpendicular sheet-moned pipes, Ike
an organ, only it was warmer than an organ
The stove sat out from the wall, and our
location gave us a prominence that would
have been very grateful had we been back
of a store booking for lemons, but being a
diiiident person, and having a strong desire
to crawl under the carpet, and be out of
sight, the prominence put blight on our
spirits that we found impossible to shake off
being full Of people, and some thoughtful
person having closed the door, the tempera-
ture commenced to density with extraordi-
nary rapidity. All of the party sat around
the sides of the room, and in such a way as
to take in ourself. A dreadful silence sat
upon all, disturbed only occasionally bv
brief whisper Of one friend to another, which
undoubtedly referred to our proximity to the
stove, and the weird solemnity of our ex-
preston which we desperately but vainly
sought to remedy. We essayed once OF
twice to look into The faces of the company
but thought better of it, and picking out a
place in the wall where the paper had been
torn off, fell to studying it with all-absorbing
interest. The perspiraton stood out on our
forehead in great drops, and having stood
there uutil they were tired, the drops silently
rolled down our face. We would have got
out handkei chief but we cherished the
hope that some one in the party was not
looking at us, and dreaded to make any
movement for fear Of attracting his attention
Then the bergamot and sweet oil with which
we had generously fed our locks, with view
to Intoxicating the senses of the females in
attendance, commenced to ooze forth and
start down The back of our neck for fresh
pastures. 1t was at this juncture the heat
of the stove having become unbearable, that
!he lady Of the house enquired if tie stove
was not too warm for the gentleman. 1t was
our purpose to protest that we never before
were so comfortably situated, but the roof OF
our mouth having dried and cracked open,
the words must have got lost in the creyices
But we smiled-such smile, perhaps, as
sick man would exchange with an under
taker, who lad called in TO ask after his
health. 1t was at this point we became
conscious of our paper collar. 1t was press
ing against the back of our neck with the
aNor of mustard draft, and one end had
broken from the button and was soaring mai
esticolly heavenward. We could feel it
crumbIe and fall down on both sides. and
every time we put our hand up, which we
began to do quite often on account of the cold
thrill it gave us, we found it spotted with
the vitality of that collar. The other people
began to whisper, md look up at the ceiling,
and put their handkerch ef in their mouths
We thought of killing every one on The spot
and hide their bleeding remains in the cellar
but we lacked the GOODNESS necessary for
such an undertaking, on account of that in
ferna stove, and so gave it up, and kept on
smiling to show our calmness. Suddenly
when in the midst of what was most proba-
bly, most maniacal leer, the collar parted at
The back, and one side dropped down to the
floor, and the other swung around to the
front A shrek of laughter burst from the
aud Iol.,I Tl,,
bury Ne,os.