Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1873-09-04
Wit and Wisdom.


knowledge.
Is it not strange that contractors
should be engaged to widen streets2
One way to get out of scrape-let
your beard grow.
BEAUTY devoid Of grace is a mere
hook without the bait.
WHAT is that which no one wishes to
have and no one wishes to lose? A
bald head.
A STRAIGHT line is the shortest in
morals as in geometry: -
NEITHER great poverty nor great
riches will hear reason.
To BE furious in religion is to be
irreligio1sly religious.
To LOVE is to place our happiness in
the happiness of another.
The ways Of happiness, like those of
light, are coiorlcss when unbroken.
BoYs on land often play at the game
of pltch-and-toss. When at sea still
oftener.
NOTE Ivy chiropodist Tin the coun-
try for the first tine)-'' Must be very
pallful-corn in the ear
EKoSoMY IL savings bank, into
which men drop pennies, and git dol
lars in return.
A CONTEMPORARY has been studying
Phonotypy. Here is a specimen: "Wat
kant b ord must b ndurd."
FATE is is nothing, say the Hindoos.
but the deeds committed in a prior
state of existence.
WHOLESOME notice Coy local board
of health at watering-place)-No
crab allowed, on the beach, undressed.
AvARIcE il ik a graveyard !; it takes
oil that it kan git and gives nothing
back.
81 CONE to steal," as the rat OBJ
served to the trap. "And spring to
embrace you" as the trap replied to
the rat
HAVE the courage to be ignorant of
a great number of things, in order to
avoid the calamity of being ignorant
of everything.-iSydney Smith.
The earth dust of the universe is
inspired by the breath of the great
God. The world is trimming with
life; every leaf on every tree is land
OF spirits. Paul.
IT was said by a gunmaker that if
breech-loaders have abolished the ram
rod. they have, on the other hand,
proved great advantage to the MIN
rod.
A HOUSEWIFE in England in filling up
her schedule for the census paper, de-
scribed herself as the "head of the
family - while in respect to the trade
of her husband she wrote: "He turns
my mangle."
I HATE anything that occupies more
space than 1t is worth. l hate to see
load of brand-boxes so along the street,
and l hate to see parcel of big words
without anything in them.-Hozlih.
ALTHOUGH men are accused of not
knowing their own weakness, yet, per-
haps, as few know their own strength.
It is in men as in soils, where some
times there is a vein of gold which the
owner knows not ot.-!StUit.
You say, said Judge to witness,
that the plaintiff resorted to very in
genious use of circumstantial evidence:
state just exactly what you mean by
that. Well, said the witness, my exact
meaning is that he lied.
WHY do they cali the people that
live in some of the South Sea islands
cannibalss asked an old man of sail
or. Because they live on other people,
answered the..sailor. Then, said the cid
man, pensively, my sons-in-law must
be cannibals, for they live on me.
MEMS lives should be like the day,
more beautiful in the evening; or like
summer,-aglow with promise like
the autumn,-rich with golden sheaves,
where good works and deeds hare
ripencd in the field.
"EKMA," said little girl to her
schoolmate, wouldn't it be awful if
someby would shoot our schoolmis-
tress!'' eyes, was the reply, "but
then wouldn't it be nice, not to have
any school?" = =
Coop men demand constant friction
with bad people to keep their goodness
in tone, and men who are trying to be
good need to see the prize they aim
at shining like star on the bosom OF
a very palpable Darkness
"WHAr is that. children? askedsa
young pastor, exhibiting to his Sunday
School magic lantern picture of a
poor sinner clinging to a cross tower
ing ont of stormy waves in mid ocean.
+" Robinson Crusoe" was the instant
reply.
TEACHER "John, You young scape-
grace, come here, and I'll pay YOU
back for your impudence, to ME yester-
day" Pupil: "No, thank you.
have conscientious scruples against
taking back-pay of that sOF+"
A boy who was called up by his
teacher for giving a school-mate
black eye, pleaded that he only threw
a bit of water at him, but on being
pressed in the cross-examipatiOn, he
at last admitted that the water was
frozen.
No MAN or woman was ever cured of
love by discovering the falsity Of his or
her lover. The living together for three
long, rainy days in the country, has
done more to dispel love than all the
pertidics in love that have ever been
committed.-Helps. =
A LITTLE three year old girl. who did
not want to kiss the family goodnight.
but was Obliged to do 1t, las means
of discipline, went through the per-
Torrance conscientiously, and as she
kissed the last one she heaved Il sigh of
relief and exclaimed: "Amen -
Wear your learning, like your watch,
in Il private pocket, and do not pull it
out and strike 1t, merely to show that
you got one. II YOU are asked what
o'clock it is, tell it, but not proclaim it
hourly and unasked, like the watch
man.-CHfsterff!d.
"JouNSY,' said mother to her
hopeful son us she WAS reading to him
of Pocal,ontas in the history of Viz.
ginia, "ao you know who Pocahontas
was?" Yes, MOTHER said the lad,
whose thoughts were upon the mare
that trotted a half mile in 1:04!, isle
was Il fast trottcr."
a MAN sought to annoy boy whom
he foun.i at work 10y the road side, and
finally asked him who his father and
mother were, to which the boy replied:
They are the parents of son who
knows how to practice sc wise precept
Of King Solomon, by answering Il fool
according to his folly"
A SCHOOL, BOY having to write a COM
position on Pins pepduced the fol-
lowing: "Pins are pointed and useful.
They have saved the lives of Il great
many men, women and children-in
fact of whole families. Glow so -
asked the puzzled teacher. ''Why, by
not swallowing them, replied the boy
HARPEk's WEEKLY tells two Judaistic