The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1873-06-20
JUNE BUGS.

: JUNE BUGS.
Man advertises, then realizes.
Sincerity is reality, and not a
! sham.
Power ought to be the handmade
; of right.
Little boys out West have be-
gun falling into kettles of boiling
soap.
Always locate the bed-post in
your mind before putting out the
light
,. A Chicago chap advertises for
'steady girls TO help on panta-
looms"
No chain is stronger than its
weakest link. No word is strong
er than wink.
Interest, prejudice, and passion
are the principal reasons why men
differ in opinion.
Two Wisconsin girls captured five
wolves last week, Now who will
capture the girls?
A drunken Toledo man wrote
on the wall of his sell: jug not,
that We be not jagged
a revivalist asked an African if
he had found the Lord. "Golly,"
said Sambo, sam de Lord lost!"
There are some things it won't
do to trife with-a woman's
opinions and the business end of q
wasp.
A Poughkeepsie clerk loves the
very ground Highland widow
walks upon. 1t is worth 5000 an
acre.
A physician advised patient to
take walk on an empty stomach.
"Whose stomach" feebly asked the
patient.
Look well before you leap, is
very good advice in its way: but
how can sickly-looking people fol-
low it.
A woman is certain to divulge
every secret with which she is en-
trusted, except one, and that is
her own age.
A medical writer says the heal
thiest position to lay in is with
the head to the north. Hens
should bear this fact in mind.
In Dodge county, Wis, an eco
nomical woman plants potatoes i'll
the graveyard, ami raises very
large crops annually.
Ats Coroner's inquest, witness
was asked, "What was the last
thing seen by the deceasedF'
kerosene" was the reply.
If reports are true, nothing will |
cause an Oshkosh man to stop his
local paper quicker than to have
the editor of said sheet elope with
his wife.
It is very rarely indeed q man |
leaves his wife in bed asleep, and |
slips softly into the kitchen to sur
prise her by putting a polish OH
the cook stove.
Since the postal cards have
come into use, it is noticeable |
fact that married men have their
hair cut too close to afford a grip |
to an irate female hand.
Give n man brains and riches,
and he is 4 king. Gave n man |
brains without riches, and he is a
slave. GIVE a man riches without |
brains, and he is fool.
"Your behavior is most eingu-
lar, SIR" SAID young lady to a
gentleman who had just stolen a |
kiss. aft that is ALL" said he,
"Fll soon make it plural
a London paper, in recounting II
death, says: "The deceased lady |
died suddenly, without medical as
sistance, which came too late" To |
die without medical assistance is |
not common.
Judge Berkeley says it has been
adjudged when a person said of q
lawyer that he had as much law as
a monkey, that the words were not
actionable, because he had As much
law, and more also; but if he had
said he hath no more law than
monkey, these words would have
been actionable.
A gentleman having a horse that
ran away and broke his wife's
neck, a neighbor sought to buy
the animal as a means of divorce.
"No, no." said his owner; Il in
tend to marry again before long
myself"
The murderer Lusignani, lately
hung in New Jersey, had some ma
tive wit, if he did part his hair in
the middle. just before he was
led out to execution one of the
priests said: 81 would willingly
be in your place; you will be in
heaven soon." 'Well, take my
place" said the prisoner, II will
get under the bed"
a complaining husband of Brook
ilyn flights is at present undergoing
/ q peculiar punishment for his Of
fenses. His wife, a lady of great
yisor and originality, is cleaning
house, and the foolish, fretful. man
annoyed her so by his incessant
1 grumbiing and growing that she
I finally decoyed him upon the roof
of the house and incoDtineutiy bolt
ed him out. He amuses himself
pitching ball with the boys in the
street below, and has his meals sent
up TO him through TIE chimney.
/ A prominent merchant went to
his box in the postofIice in Bos-
ton, and on opening it found there
what he thought must be a dress
pattern. A little surprised, he
commenced pulling it out, but it
seemed to be fastened into the
box. He pulled harder and was
at last gratified at hearing a little
scream. He then became aware
that the dress of one of the lady
clerks had become caught in the
box, and our merchant was vain
endeaYoring to drag dress, you
lady and all, through the door.
j The SENSATION OF DROWNING
| Dr.Hoffman, of Dixon, H., who was
: one of the victims of the recent
; bridge disaster in that town, and