The Portland daily press., 1873-03-21

A>NSe'se~A ShSSuAoSOus
Behold the people of Israel,
For euer while they didden well
Fortune was to them debonaire:
And when they didden the contraire
Fortune was contrariende.
--Goper.
Nothing makes love sweeter and tenderer
than little previous scolding and freezing,
just as the grape-clusters acquire by frost
before vintage thinner skins and better flavor.
Richter.
Our lady readers may be interested in
learning that the large number of deaths
from small pox has materially increased the
supply of false hair.
An editor fell through trap-door in Rich
mond, and all the other newspaper men are
trying to make the public believe they are
sorry.
1t is pleasant to hear that, upon motion of
Mr.. Bergh, St. Patrick will be elected at the
next general meeting an honorary member
Of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty
to Animals.
The President telegraphed the Friendly
Sons of st. Patrick, that 'young I'ishmen
are the best greenbacks in the country" To
which responds the O Callaghan: ''Shure, his
Excellincy mustn't have mint roorbacks."
A clergyman out West, occupying lead
ing theatre This own church having been
burnt) ina ivcrtently alluded in his prayer to
the place where they were permitted to wor-
ship as fragrant with hallowed recollec-
tions.
Come dismalle Nighte in blackest cypresse clad,
And let no star light thy solemnitie,
And the owle onlie, wisdome's effgie
Sing doleful dit upon some storie sad;
While allie doe sleepe, that may in their repose
Forgette the weary weighte Of wearing woes.
To the great distress of certain Richmond
politicians, Miss Elizabeth Van Lew has been
reappointed postmistress of that city. When
will these foolish fllows learn that it is better
to marry woman in Office than to oppose
her?
Inasmuch as the proposal to have all in
sane murderers examined before trial by a
medical commission is likely to be carried out,
we insist, with a-view of making the exami-
nation as thorough as possible, that in every
case the brains of the offender be taken ont
and subjected to searching microscopic
analysis.
A Sacramento lawyer remarked to the
court: 'It is my candid opinion, Judge, you
are an old fool" The Judge allowed his
mildly beaming eye to fall upon the lawyer a
brief moment, then in voice husky with
suppressed tobacco juice-and emotion, said: I:
"It is my candid opinion that you are fined
$100."
A sailor being asked by a shipmate why the
word Medoc was put on claret bottles, re-
piled, that it was to designate the quality of
the wine. "Now, this BOTTLE" said he, is
marked M. E. DO. c., which means, most ex-
cellent d. old claret.' The explanation
was satisfactory, and the tar ordered another
bottle.
Suicide is such common diversion in these
days of emotional insanity, that We feel
bound to keep our fellow lunatics informed of
all the various methods devised for effecting
it with neatness and despatch. A respected
citizen of Taunton, Mass, last week cut a
hole in the ice, and jumped into the river
with fifty pound anvil attached. The OBJ
lection to this method is tie waste of old iron
which it involves.
A Maysville (Kv.) choir tried to harmonic
snare drum with church music lately, but
some of the most ancient nasal twangers
made SO much fdss the plan was abandoned.
One ancient maiden lady, who sang treble for
twenty years, nearly jumped over the railing
when the first drum tap was sounded, and
the deacon who sang bass threw down his
-hymn-book, saying he could not sing praises
with that google eyed chap belting-out of a
sheepskin right under his ears.
ssKitty's going to join our Sabbath school,
she's coming vita me next Sunday, amt you,
Kitty?'
''Oh, don't know-rve never been to
Sabbath school. What do you have to
doP'
why you get saved, of course; and books
and albums and"
81 mean, what do you have to do ?-have
to study anything?"
''Oh, it isn't like that. It's like church,
you know. When you first 60 in you have to
put your head down and pray"
"ButI can't tpray, says heathen Kitty. ct
don't know how to bow.'
ooh, well, do as Ido-"Shut your eyes and
count .fftyv'
What unconscious tribute we pay to the
doctrine ofthe resurrection by the 1--we and
honor in which we hold graves, century after
century. Surely in our hearts we believe
that each such spot becomes forever unlike all
other ground, by whatever process the dear
flesh crumbles, returns to dust, and is chang
ed into the leaf, flower and seed that perish
In our hearts we believe that the graves re-