South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1873-12-19
WIT AND HUNroR.


Es-A good mother was trying to explain to |
young hopeful the other day about fighting the |
devil. After telling the little fellow who the de-
vii was, aud how hard he was 10 successfully re-
sis,, he turned around and said Mamma. Id |
be scared at the cid devil, but if was to come
across one Of his little devils I'd knock the stuff
6ug ont Of him.
Where are you going - said young gen.
tleman 10 elderly one in a white crayat. whom
lie overlook few miles from Little Rock. az
am going TO heaven, my son. | have been on
the way eighteen years" "Well, cood-bv. old
fellow, If you have been travelling toward heav-
en- eighteen years, and got 10 nearer to il than
Arkansas, I'll take another route"
Mother, eyerbody's poor now, amt
they 2" eyes, my son; there is a panic."-
well" said Willie, 'last summer you said
that every poor man had to work hard TO paw
our President S25, 900 more n year; now. why
don they tell him he can't have il this winter
because the poor men want It to buy bread for
their children ?"
The Evansville Courier SAYS that taiFv
md popcorn parties are fashionable in that CT
~ The people attend them singing in melligu-
Gus voices
The panic never was designed
To make our pleasures less
ZB- a happy misquotation by a vopng Iadv
whose gentleman caller stayed too late. capsed n
speedy good-by. The clock struck twelve. and
she remarked: "Now It's the witching bopr Of
night when people vavn
ED~A good lady, who, on the death of her
first husband, married his brother, has portrait
OF the former hanging in her dining-room. One
day visitor, remarking the painting, asked
us that member of the family ?" Oh. tbet,s
my poor brother -in-law," was the ingenious
reply.
Gc>A man, referring to the sudden death of
relative was asked if he lived high well,
can say he did, said Terence, "but he died
high" Like the banks in these days. he was
suspended.
&@>A consequential young fop asked an aged
country sexton If the ringing of the bell did not
put him in mind of his latter end mo, sir,
replied the grim old grave-dgger, 'but the rope
ieLhlhuS NE OF yours.
E1S>So witty a compliment is rarely met with
MS that of Sydney Smiths to his friends Mrs.
Iighe and Mrs. Cutie; "Ah there you are =
the cuff that every one would like to wear, and
the tie that no would loose"
s>Sir Walter SCOTS faithful servant. Tom.
said TO him one day. "Them are fine novels Of
tbny
come home very tired, and take up Que of them.
I'm asleep directly"
EdS- An Irishman who was found ,piItv Of
stealing lot of coffee, was asked by the magis-
tTate what he did with it-''Made tay with il -
was the Hibernian's reply
Eo-A gentle Quaker had two horses. n very
good one, and one very poor When seen rid
ing the latter, it turned out that his better half
had taken the good one. what" said sneer-
ing bachelor, Show comes it that you let your
wife ride the better horse p The reply was
Friend, when thou art married. thee II know >,
-Ty-A young man out in search of his faith.
er's lost pig, near Scranton, Pa, accosted an /
rishman along the road with "Have YOU seen a
SN'"J pib HoOut mere rain, said Pat.
"and how could ! tell stray pig from anotb-
err That reminds us of the town ordinance
which provided that every other dog should
he killed. The difficulty is to distinguish the
other dogs.
"A witty Clergyman accosied by an old ac
quRintance by the name of Cobb, replied az
don't know you, sir" my name is Cobb,
rejoined the man, who was half seas over. "Ah,
sir" replied the clergyman, "you have so much
corn on you that / did not see the cob
The following names are given as among
the successive pastors Of the Unitarian Church
in Baltimore: Furness Bellows, Sparks. Bla-
zup end Burnap.
A small lady, aged eve whose pa had not
bought her the usual new clothes for Christmas.
was heard to privately remark that she guessed
"a was holding on for a rise in the rag market
Mrs Darlington rises every morning az The
shriil call Of the chandelier
ScorCH SToRy Mr. Shirra. of Kirkaldv.
On one occasion went TO n member of his church
who had been elected an elder, but who declin-