Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1873-12-26
II UAOR.

II U ~ U Il. +
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E1ercise in moral comparison-Ge on
get honor get honest.
Why does q railroad conductor punch
hole in your ticket To let you pass
through.
In Decatur, ILL.,, when young lady de-
clines an offer to convoy her home, he asks
permission to sit on the fence and see her
COB
The creditors of an absconding Yankee,
found, on opening his safe, that the only
thing he had laid up for a rainy day was al
umbrella.
"A Cleveland dry goods drummer has,
during the last season, sold $4,000 worth
of goods, travelled II 900 miles and married
four wives.
j An advertisement for district school
teacher, in New Hampshire, concludes in
this way ssN. B.-No man need apply
who Swears a shawl
A young lady of Terre Haute, Indiana,
has proved her ability to support a hus-
band by shooting over one hundred quails
this season. gs
Anssold citizen" wishes to inform the
public that ''there'sn no use trying to break
:those iron ceal-hule covers by setting down
on 'em.p 3 He knows.
An obituary notice in Western paper
contained the touching intelligence that
Tod Ia
money and ten children"
Since that mastery silver-paying resump-
ton Of specie-not over SIS to one mainly
Secretary Richardson, about $4,000 have
loft the treasury, in dollars and half dol
lars.
+ A pious old lady being asked by her pas
tor what she thought Of the doctrine Of to-
tai depravity, replied she thought it most
excellent doctrine, and had no doubt it had
been the means Of saving many souls.
Our experience, and the history of the
past eighteen centuries, incline us to the
belief that no matter how well you treat
shotgun, nor how you bring it up, it will
bang the stuffing out Of you the first time
1t gets chance.
Sarah" said young man the other
day, s'why don't you wear earrings !''--
Because I haven't had my ears pierced"
II will bore them for YOU" '"Thank you
you have done that enough"
st. Charles, Mo-, has new Jail, and the
local editors there rejoice at the winters
prospect.
Never kick a man when he's down, url
less you are sure he can't get up.
'sCuffee, is that the second bell.n a,f}
tsNo, ,massa, OATS de second ringing OBJ
de fuss bell. We hadn't de second bell in
dis hotel.''
A man on being asked for an appropriate
inscription for founding asylum, pro-.
posed Thus far; but no farther"
j While witnessing game Of base ball out
west boy was struck on the back of his
head, the bawl coming out of his mouth.
.sDo you think" asked Mrs. Pepper,
shat little temper is a bad thing in a
woman ~
ssCertainly not" responded gallant
philosopher sit is good thing and she
ought never lose it."
SNOW, Willie, DEAR" says Fanny, lido
have little courage; when have pow
der to take don't like it any more than
you do but 1 make up my mind that |
viii take it, and do.' "And when have
q powder to take, 'replied Willie, II make
nm nv mind that won't take it, and |
don't ~
Larger and anti-lager define the politi-
cal parties which divide Chicago to the ex-
cli,sion Of all other issues. The latter i'll
sist on trying northwest passage through
open water, whilst the former regard beer
inp-straight as the true route to the poll.
Jenkins told his son, who proposed to
buy 1 cow in partnership, to be sure and
buy the hinder half, as 1t eats nothing and
gives all the milk.
The Cleveland Plaindealer thinks that
when old Bill Allen was "resurrected" in
Ohio he must have kicked the lid off the
eo6lns in dozen States.
A.Where are you going ~ said young
gentleman to an elderly one in a white era
vat whom he overlook few miles from
Little Rock. II am going to heaven, my
son. / have been on the way eighteen
years. sWell, goodbye, old fellow, If
you have been travelling towards heaven
eighteen years, and got no nearer to it than
Arkansas, I'll take another route,
IA serious-look person had charge OF
TIE grammar division of school examina-
zion, and gave a bright looking boy this
sentence to correct: Between you and
this is good butter.s' The boy shortly re-
turned the slip, thus marked !; incorrect
the lamp-post..is omitted -
q Al La Crosse man who committed sui
eide, wrote note for his wife, which said |
s-Ism going to country where red-headed
sSsonaeia are never seem" She was so mad |
that she would not attend the funeral.
Thu Evansville Courier says that taffy |
- popcorn parties aEs fashionable In
III city, The people attend Them sing
III II aIdd1i aueus voices
asEe paIlic never was designed
eHalse our pleasures less.