The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1873-10-16
SUM KARACTERS.
THE Classy MAN.

The gassy man il a kind oy itinerant
soda fountain, a sort ov hi PRESSURE re-
seryoi ov soap-suds, who spouts bubbles
and foom. whenever he opens hiz mouth.
Theze quacks in the small beer line,
hav but phew branes, but their branes
are like yeast, they kant rize without
running over everything.
L hav known them tew argy a point
three hours and half, and never offer
one good reazon in the whole time.
They mistake words for ideas, and
their tongues travel tew just about az
mulch purpose az boys wind mill duz,
In the teeth of nor wester
They are the vainest ov all human
beings that hav yet bin discovered. and
think bekauze people kant eskape their
furios effervescence, they are pleazed and
convinced.
| never knu one ov theze windmills
yet, BIT What thought Soloman waz al
most an ediot kompored tew him, and
never knu one to ever te diskover h:z
mistake.
Yu mite as well undertake tew git the
pride out ov a pekocks tail, bi lafing at
it, az to convince theze phellows that
what they say amt either wit or wisdum
The gassy man IL not bi emmy means a
bad man at heart, he il often az good
natured az he liz phoolish, bat hiz friend
ship amt worth mulch more tew yu than
the love ov a lost pup. who il reddy to
phollow emmy one off who will pat him
on the back.
THE SHARP MAN
The sharp man IL mistaken for the wize
one, but he IL just az different from
wise one, az he il from an honest one.
He trusts to hiz cunning for suckcess,
| and this IL the next thing to being
rogue
| The sharp man il like razor gen.
orally too sharp for emmy thing but
| shave.
Theze men are not tew be trusted.
cheat sunboddy, and. rather than be idle
or lose good job, they will pitch into
| their best friends
They are not exactly outkasts. but live
cluss on the borders ov criminality, and
are liable tew step over at emmy time.
1t il but step from cunning tew ras-
kality, and it IL a short step that IL alwuz
inviting tew take.
Sharp men hav but phew friends, and
seldum q confident. They Eav learnt
tew fear treachery by studying their own
natures.
They are alwaz bizzy, but like the hor-
net, want heap ov sharp watching
The sharp man il alwuz vain one.
He prides himself upon biz cunning, and
had rather do shrewd thing than a
kind one.
| THE LAZY MAN.
Next tew the weak man the lazy man
IL the wust one | kno ov, without neces-
sarily being vicious one
He il too indolent tew praktiss his
virtews, if he haz got emmy, and there
fore IL konstantly open tew vice, which IL
half brother tew lazyness.
Ii is hard work to phind lazyness and
yirtew mkt, but there is stitch thing.
Incidence liz one ov the wust mildews
kno ov-it IL the CRATE leak that haz let
/ dc H.,
Lazyness liz not positively crime, but
they look and akt wonderfully alike.
Lazyness IL not ornamental even tew
an old man, but tew young man it IL a
shining disgrase.
hav seen lazy men that thout waz
innocent, but i never felt like warranting
one ev them for more than 80 daze.
/ THE NERVOUS MAN.
One ov the most Uncomfortable krit-
tiers in this world il the nervous man.
He discounts all his griefs, and suffers
more from troubles that do cum.
! tiz ears are like rabbits, always on
! end for sum disaster, and biz nostrils are
like the asses, snufing misfortune out oy
the east wind.
He steps az though he waz stepping on
eggs, and lays down like kat in front ov
rat hole, ready for spring.
| Theze poor phellows suffer with SIM
pathy, and enjoy without satisfacshun.
The nervous man il long lived bird,
though his nerves are alwus strung, be
lasts like an old phiddle.
Altho kant help but pity the nervous
man am aware that he haz moments ov
plezzure that are equal tew whole hours,
they are so intensified.
Whatever he does enjoy he enjoys the
whole ov, passing the bounds ov reality,
he revels in the illimitable fields of irag.
inashun and fancy.
think would rather hav more nerves
than could manage than not to have
emmy, and NOPE on thru life az sum men
do, with nothing about me SO exciteable
az mi relish for pork and beans.
THE DIGNIFIED MAN,
1t IL often the kase that the dienifed
man il nothing more than an owl among
humans.
He don't alwuz kno but little, but
when he duz he haz tew be kareful oy
that little and look wise even if he don't
prove tew be so.
One good boss laff would spoil him for
life; if he lets GO ov his dignity, biz
kapital il all gone and he liz ruined for
ever.
The digni6ed man that i am a talking
about never takes emmy chances, he weighs
every word before it IL uttered, and meaz-
cures every ackshun before it is express.
ed, and IL generally az free from blum.
ders, or hits, az p tud-stool liz. IF he ever
duz xix up and folk. he is like the
elastik elephant, and gay and kussid like
the hippopotamus or wild sea boss.
Dignity IL often substituted for wisdum,
and IL quite often mistaken for it, but
there IL az mulch difference between