Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1873-01-07
-Les2acIt for Has92sOg'ists.
potato patch.

In Chicago widow is called second hand
ed wife.
Mrs. Anna Dorsey calls Christmas an aerial
wave from heaven.
'Bind turkey races are feature of Wes-
tern church festivals.
A movement is on foot to lengthen the lower
end OF the thermometers in Vermont,
A new pass has been found across the Andes
which is said to be 'andier than any other route.
No well regulated California family is with
out slop-bowl scooped out Of $3.50, 600 ruby.
Duluth brags of ice fourteen feet thick, and
81. Faul tells us about weather which froze a
feather-bed as stiff as poker.
With gentle footsteps the beautiful snow stole
Gown from Heaven yesterday, and the dark
eyed mud reached up and licked it in.
A Western paper, with peculiar stanards of
value, says that potatoes are one cigar and a
drink OF whisky per bushel at Davenport.
Thirty persons were recently poisoned at Co.
raj, Michigan. by eating sausages. That's what
comes OF leaving the brass collars on the dogs.
well, we've got her boxed up" was the
palmetto exclamation Of grief-stricken hus-
Dand IN LennoX, lately, as he turned away from
his enc0thaed wife,
The reason an urchin gave fer being late at
school was that the boy IN the next house was
gong to have dressing down with bed cord,
and he waited to hear him howl.
A father and mother, at Decatur. Michigan,
ieIt their two little boys gun TO play with
AS 1t had but one barrel, they still have one
boy to cheer their declining years.
,a'What are you doing there you rascal?'-
Merely taking cold, SIR 1T looks to me as
it you were stealing ice." "Well-yes-per-
haps 1t will bear that construction
Wedding cards In Denver consist Of the lack
OF diamonds and the queen Of hearts. with the
contracting parties names thereon if the old
lady Is living the ten of clubs is inc!csed.
The New York Commercial Advertiser an
swers correspondent thus: No; the inhabi-
tants of Buffalo are not all quadrupeds. Many
OF them have but two legs, and frequently find
even that number more than they can conVen.
isntly manage.
This is Boston Globe libel on the country
cows thereabcuts: "a milk dealer, who gets
his supply Of az honest old farmer, on opening
a can OF milk found large bull-frog swimming
around. He sent word to the farmer that be
thought bis milk-straiuer Vas too coarse.
4 rural paper in Pennsylvania, in an obtu-
cry notice of Forrest. says: "She was never
equaed in her time by any Terpsichorean ar
tiste, though Bonfanti and Betty Rige were
formidable rivals in her later years" This is
the same editor who wrote from Washington
to bis paper that 'Pocahontas was noble
looking man."
A Colorado paan, q few days since, turned
out his horses, tied together with rope around
the neck CT each. The next day one of them
cane home dragging the head Of the other
The last heard of the owner, he was wandering
over the prairie. saying he supposed the ID
animal was dead somewhere" That is jus;
ike some men. They always jump to conclu-
slons without waiting for evidence.
4 Jersey paper tells very interesting stoT,
of little boy in that State He vas picked VI
and carried to the house in a. insensible con.
dition. After watching By his bedside through
many weary hours, his mother perceived signs
of returning Consciousness. Leaning over hin
she asked ii there was anything she could dc
for him, nov that he began to feel betteF?-
Should she battle his forehead, or change hi:
pillow, or fan him? Was there anything he
waated2 Opening bis eyes apguidly, a1d
looking a. her he said: Yes, | want pair O.
pants with pocket behind" He got them
This from Paris: "a few days since the gen
eral servant Of gentleman entered, like Niobe
al tears, his wife's chamber, sobbing, Oh
madam Oh. madam u
what is the matter, Francoise?'
MADAM, have stuck FORK into my fin
GER
"Ohl that's nothing, FRANCHISE; you vii
net feel it Tomorrow.
81 should not be afraid, madam. if I wa.
sure the forks are silver"
''You may, then. be perfectly easy; the fork
as-all our forks are silver"
"Ohl then don't feel alarmed; bat I wa:
fearfully frightened, for [ thought the fork wat
plated" The neyt day FRANCHISE disappeared
taking al the forks With her,
( NOBLE YoUTH.-Tbere Was noble youth
who, on being urged to take wine at the table
of famous statesman in Washington, had the
mora! courage to refuse. He was poor young
man, just beginning the struggle OF life. He
brought letters to the great statesman, who
kindly invited hin home to dinner.
''Not take glass Of wiue? said the great
statesman, in wondermeDt and surprise.
''Not one simple glass Of wine?" echoed the
ststesrnan's beautiful and fascinating wife, as
she arose. glass in hand, and with grace that
would have charmed a1 anchorite, eudeavored
to press It upon him.
mo" said the heroic youth. reso!uteiy,
gently repeliirg tie preferred glass
What picture of moral grandeur was that
A poor. friendless youth refusing wine at the
table Of wealthy and famous statesman, even
though preferred by the fair hands of beau
tiful LADY.
mo-" said the noble young nan, and his
voice trembled little and bis cheek flushed
II never drink wine, but-(here he straight
ened himself up and his words grew 6rmerl =
if you've got little good old rye whisky
don't mind trying snifter -
A CONSCIENTIOUS DEACoN-tiany years
ago church was built in Brandon, and the
deacon vas employed to 90 some part Of the
work-building the pulpit if remember. He
wanted hundred and fifty dollars, while the
committee wished it done for hundred. a
last it was settled between him and the chair
man, sbrewd lawyer and something of wag,
that hundred dcllarsshould be the price; but
if, on the completion of the job, the deacon
said he had ian alfred hard bargain he
should be paid twenty-five dollars more
The good deacon found that he had lost By
the job and claimed the additional twenty-five
dollars.
swell, Deacon" asked the lawyer, can you
honestly say you have had an ALFRED hard bar
gaiD?"