davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

ONE OF LINCOLN's LITTLE JOKEs.-A Ken
tucky paper relates the following in connection
with an account of an interview a citizen of
that State had with the late President Lincoln
at the breaking out of the rebellion:
'"The subject of the war was being discussed,
and MIR. r. was asked his opinion by the Pres
ident as to the contemplated policy of coercion
or war. MIR. r., being a State $ rights man,
suggested that to prevent the effusion of fra
tricidal blood and strife, the wayward sisters
be allowed to depart in peace, or at least
bloodshed should be avoided Mr. Lincoln
replied that whatever his sympathies and feel
ings might be for the people of the South, he,
as President, was sworn to protect and defend
the constitution and laws of the United States.
He said he was in the condition of the boy who
went out in company with party Of coon
hunters, when a small young coon was caught,
tied with string and the young lad requested
to hold the coon until the return of the party
from the pursuit of more game The coon
tugged at the string to get loose, looked wist.
fully at the neighboring woods and then at his
guard, whose sympathies for the little prisoner
were thoroughly aroused. After witnessing
the vain struggles of the coon for some time
with feelings of sorrow fully aroused, he solil.
oquised aloud as follows: 'Cooney, am sorry
for you; was told to hold you promised
to do so, and can't let you go; but do wisl
this string would break. F."
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

THE WREN's REQUIEM.-It was on morn
ing early in the spring, few years ago, that
we heard an unusual twittering outside our
bedroom window, above which is deep
thatch. On looking up, we saw two curious
festoons hanging from it., apparently in mo-
ton. 1t was, in fact, two half circles, COM
posed of little wrens clingng to each other by
foot and wing to the number of twenty or
thirty. They clung together thus for the space
of about two minutes. 1t might be more or
less-for, as we did not mark the time by a
watch, | could not with certainty say now.
They twittered mournfully all the while, so diff.
ferent to their usual joyous little song; then
suddenly, as if by one consent, they in a
moment broke loose and flew away. On
descending, shortly afterwards, we found a
dead wren lying just under the window, over
which these festoons of wrens had been hang
ing few minutes before. 1t looked as if these
affectionate little creatures had been singing a
dirge over their dead friend below-at least,
we could think of no physical cause for the
unusual appearance. FROM that time the
wrens deserted that locality for more than two
years. On speaking of this to one who had
made natural history his study, he told me it
was called the the ''Wrens Requiem" and
was an established fact, though very rarely
seen. Possibly some reader may be able
to throw light on the subject
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

The OCEAN BALLOON VoYAGE.-The
enterprising publishers of that marvellous sue.
cess in journalism the New York Graphic,
have determined to furnish the means for the
proposed balloon voyage across the Atlantic, by
Messrs. Wise and Donaldson, agreeing to
devote as much as $4,000 to the project il
necessary. The Graphic Company is to build
the balloon, under the superintendent of the
two aeronauts. The only assistance they
receive will be from the Domestic Sewing
Machine Company, which has put one of the
floors Of its magnificent building at the
disposal of the Graphic Company for the
work of building the balloon, and volunteered
to do all the sewing, over six thousand yards
or four miles, of seams.
1t is expected that the balloon will be ready
to start on its voyage about August goth, anC
the bargain on the part of the aeronauts is tC
communicate their arrival and full prrticular
of the voyage exclusively to the Daily Graphit
Immediately after arrival in Europe. The
aeronauts are confident that they can make
their remarkable fight across three thousanC
miles of ocean in sixty hours.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
WHOLE NO. 949
10 Way, Becky Miller, Go Way.
BY OLD UNCLE SCHNEIDER.

Go way, Becky Miller. go way!
don't lote you now, schma leetle bit,
My dream vas played oud, so please got up and git
Nit your false headed ways can't get along nit.
Go way, Becky Miller, go yayl
Vas all der young voomans falsehead like you
Nit lace nice und bright und heart plack and plue
IND all der While schwearin you lofed ME So true,
Go way, Becky Miller, go way
Wy vonce dought you star way up high,
liked you so better as gOgonutbie,
But, oh Becky Miller, you's big lie
Go way, Becky Miller, go way
You took all der presents vat did present,
Yes, gobbled up every blamed vat sent
All der while init snOder young felsr you vent,
Go way, Becky Miller, go way!
When frsht found Oud you'se such biglie,
don't know vedder to shumdder or die.
But now, py der Chingo! don't often CRY,
Go way, Becky MIlley, go way
Don't try to make belief you sorry about.
don't belief a dings VOt comes out OF YOUR mouth,
Cnd besides don't care-fOr you're played out,
Go way, Becky Miller. go vsyl
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

DoRRY's DIARY.-"Good resolutions" an
old adage says, "are, like pie.crust, easily
broken" This familiar maxim and its moral
were both brought forciby to our mind re-
Gently, by pleasant little tale, called What
Katy Did" in which the story is told of a
queer little fellow, whose name was Dorry,
and who resolved to keep diary. He under
took the task manfuy, aud his courage held
out bravely until he made twelve entries of
which the following were the concluding ones
March 24-This is Sunday Corn befe
for dinnir. Studded my Bibe lesson. Aunt
lssy said [ was greedy. Have resolved not to
think so much about things to etc. Wish |
was a better boy. Nothing pertickler for
tea. y "March 25-FOrgit what did !" March
27-Forgit what did" March 29-Played. "
March 3l-Forgit what did" April /
Have dissided not to kepe jurnal emmy more "
How many 'Dorrys' there are in the world
people who have an alacrity in making reso-
lutiOns, and an equal alacrity in not adhering
to them-whO start brilliantly, as did Dorry,
with tolerably earnest effort, and really ac-
complish something-who then falter, "foreit
what did" become weak kneed, and finally
end with Dorrys lame and impotent conclu.
sion, Have dissided not to kepe jurnal emmy
more !"
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

THEY Y."-"They Say" often tells that
which is not true. He is about the worst au-
thOrity you can produce to support the credi-
bility of your statement Scarcely ever is a
suspicious report put in circulation but this
MIR. "They Say" is the author of it and he
always escapes responsibility and detection
because, living nowhere, he cannot be found.
Who said that Mr., the merchant, was in
failing condition? Why "They say So
On what authority do you affirm that neighbor
J. has been in bad company? Why, "They
Say so. Is it fact that Miss v is not so
circumspect as she should be? Why They
Saw" SO. Have nothing to do with that Mr..
They Say" He is halEbrother to Mr..
Nobody, who always does all the mischief, ond
lives nowhere but in the inventive brain of
those who, underserving respect themselves,
are desirous to pull others down to their own
level. We always suspect the truth of re-
port which comes from the authority of 'They
Say"
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

How noiselessly the snow comes down You
see it, but never hear it, 1t is like true charity.
Charity makes no noise in the world, but dis
tributes wherever there is poverty. A person
who does good out Of pure benevolence never
spreads it abroad in the circle in which he
moves, nor makes it public through the news.
paper.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A Gentleman was warmly eulogizing the
constaucy OF an absent husband in the presence
of loving wife. Yes, yes" assented she,
'he writes letters full of his agony of affection,
but he never RENTS me any money" II can
conceive of that, for know his love to be un-
remitting, said the other.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
GENERAL NATURE-No. 9a.1
UE
AN ACT 10 authoriz,


the public land to ALLEVIATE portions Of their
or hOmesteads for certain public purposes
Be enacted by the Senate and House OF Representatives
OF the United States OF America Congress assembled That
any person who has already settled hereafter settle
public lands United States either
by virtue Of the homestead law amendments thereto
shall have the right transfer BY his
aes portion OF his her said pre- empon
stead for church, cemetery school the
OF OF railroads such homestead
the transfer for such public shall
the right to complete and perfect the title their
tiOns hOmesteada.
Approved. March 3, 1873.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

"That's where the boys fit for college," said
the professor to Mrs. Partington, pointing to
school house. DID they?" said the old
lady, with animation; then, if they fit for the
college before they went, they did't fight after
ward?" Yes, !" said he, smiling and favoring
the conceit, but the fight was with the head,
not with the hands" "Butted, did they?"
said the old lady
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
TGENERAL NATURE-No. oOl
AN ACT 70 ulaca o.

y { -NT JU.T
AN ACT to place coOred enlisted
the footing soldiers bnuntv and pension
Be It enacted by the Senate and House Represen
the United states of America in Congress assembled That
all coored persons who enlisted in the during the late
and who prohibited from bounty and
pension of being their
meuts slaves, shall be placed the footing
bounty and pension though they had been slaves the
date of their enlistment
Approved March 3, 1879.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
GENERAL xATuRE-No. %. ,

AN ACT to provide tor the in gold OF certain
to seamen in foreign countries
BE it enacted by the Senate and House
of the United States Of America in Congress That
paid under the laws OF the United States
of consular officers foreign place.
otherwise due American shall paid
in gold its equiv asnt without deduction
contract TO the contrary Notwithstanding.
March3 a.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
,roved, March 3, 1879.
[GENERAL NArURE-NO. Q,

AN ACT authorizing deputy collectors and other officers Of
the customs to act discussing agents in certain
BE enacted by Representatives OF
the United States America Congress assembled That
in OF the sickness unavoidable absence Of collector
or surveyor Of customs from his office he with the
povR the Secretary OF the authorize
clerk him to act in his place and to discharge all
duties required by law OF such collector in his
capacity disbursng Provided. That the official
given by ths palO the Office shall held
apply to the acts OF the appointed to act in his
such
Approved March 3, 1873.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

Mamma, don't forget to ask papa about
going to Cape May, for Fortnight" Hush,
dear I'm afraid it won't do You know how
dreadfully the seaside upsets papa for the first
week always!'' YES, but papa needn't come
down till the second week, you know !"
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

Two CENTURIES HENCE -IScene-Library
in the house of an elderly gent, somewhere in
Australia. Old gent. telegraphs to the kitchen,
and waiter ascends in balloon.
Old Gent-John, fly over to Calcutta, and
tell Mr.. johnson that shall be happy to have
him sup with me. Never mind your coat
now-go John leaves, and at the end of five
minutes returns
John-Mr. johnson says he will come: he
has got to go to st. Petersburg for moment
and then he will be here.
Old Gent-Very well, John. Now start the
machine for setting the table, and telegraph tC
my wife's room, and tell her that johnson i,
coming then brush up my balloon, for | have
an engagement in London at twelve o'clock.
John flies, and the old gentleman runs Owe
to the West Indies TO buy a fresh orange.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

Some people are never contented. After
having all their limbs broken, their heads
smashed and their brains knocked out, they
will actually go to law and try to get further
damages.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

SELF SACRIFICE. Boy Ito lady visitor)-
Teacher. there's gal over there a winkn' at
mel! Teacher-''Well, then, don't look at
her" Boy-"Butif l don't look at her she Il
wink at somebody else ~
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

Punch's notion of nobility is that a man of
birth is commonly one whose remote ancestors
did something and his immediate predecessors
for many centuries nothing at all.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A piano-forte maker says that of all manu-
factured things pianos bear the nobest charac-
ter, since they are classified as grand, upright
and square.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
IGKNERAL NATURK-No. Gal


AN ACT to authorize the unladng Of steamships at night
Be II enacted by the Senate House
OF the United States of America in Congress
shall be the the collector
of the naval officer, If there be
which steamship from foreign place arrive,
upon or after the issuing Of general order to grant
application therefor. special unlade
cargo OF said vessel at night between and
sunse out before any such special license granted the
MASTER agents. the execute
deliver the said collector sufficient bond 10 be
bY him. indemnify save the sad
collector harmless from and all losses liabilities
be Occasoned by the granting
special cense And provided liability Of the
such steamship the eonsiKnee
merchan disc landed said shall
by the granting Of such special license
but such liability shall continue until said
pery removed from the dock wheeon the
and the collector under such general regulations
retay the Treasury may prescribe shall fix uniform and
reasonable rate OF like
the msser cOnsxnee whenever special
is granted and shall collect and distribute
the inspectors assigned to supenend the unadng Of
Approved, March 3, 1873.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A POWERFUL MEMoRY-There is said to
be a man in Cincinnati who is in possession of
such powerful memory that he is employed
by the humane society to remember the poor.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
IGEyERAL NArrRE-No. s7.1
GESERAL
AN ACT to establish a bOa-

AN ACT to establish board local inspectors OF
sells tor the customs dstrcrct Of Michigan, in the State
Michigan.
Be II enacted by the Senate and House OF
the United States Of America in Congress assembled That
there shall he local board of inspectors designated
pointed tor the district Of Michigan the
Michigan and the inspectors of hus the inspector Oo-
the said board shall receive salary nine
hundred dollars a ca each.
ApnrO we'd Marrh 4
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
GENERAL SATURE-N,. o. !
AN ACT to eOnfe
States Military

AN ACT to confer the superintendent Of the United
states Military Academy the to general
cOurtsmartial.
Be it by the and House Representatives
the United States Of America in Congress That
the superintendent of the United Military Academy
shall have general martial for the
trial OF cadets and the
cep the suspension and dsmssO subject the
limitations and conditions existing
era courts s-martia
Approved March 3, 1873.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A Kentucky paper, in reporting a wedding,
says that the bride was not particularly hand
some, but the father threw in seven mules, and
the husband was satisfied.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

When woman gets letter she carries il in
her hand, but a couple of pounds of sausage
she manages to squeeze into her pocket.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
IGsNERAL NATuRE-No. 95.l

AN ACT to provide the Of
ery the city of Mexico purchased
act OF September twenty eighteen hundred and
Be IL enacted by the Senate and House of
Of the United states Of America in Congress assembled That
the President Of the United States authorized provide
out OF the ordinary annual appropriation for establishing and
maintaining United States military
aud preservation OF the cemetery
burial the city of Mexico, in which
the officers soldiers the United
citizens Of the United States whs fell in battle died in and
around said city, and that this shall be subject
the rules and regulations affecting United States national
military cemeteries within the limits OF the United States
far they in the opinion OF the President be applicable
| thereto
| Approved, March 3. 1873.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A lady with poodle-dog entered the smok-
ing-car on western train, the conductor en-
deavoring to persuade her TO go into another
car; but she refused, saying her presence
would deter the occupants from smoking. A
gentleman, however, took out a cigar and lit
it, when she wrenched it from his mouth, ex-
claiming: IF there is anything l do hate, it
is tobacco smoke. The passengers who had
witnessed the affair were convulsed with
laughter; but the offending smoker suppressed
whatever emotions may have been struggling
tanned throughout imperturable gravity. Calmly
rising from his seat, he opened the window
nearest him, fastening it up then, reaching
over the seat back, he took that woman s
poodled dog and threw him out of the window
as far as possible, at the same time adding:
If there $ anything l do hate, it's poodle
dog!'
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

,r, fou can now use a postage stamp twice.
The first time it will cost you three cents-the
second time fifty dollars.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

L1nGstreet will defend himself from the
charge of losing the battle of Gettysburg
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A GOAT STORY-A retired clergyman sends
US an account of little affair that happened
in his place. 1t appears that there was a
young woman, fine spirited girl, engaged at
a wash-tub, opposite an open door. Just be-
hind her was young man. as is generally the
case, and in the yard was an old buck that was
allowed the freedom of the premises, which
is not always the case, we are glad to say.
Well, this buck came up to the door and looked
in, and the young man, going close behind the
young woman, pointed his finger straight to
the buck, and the old fellow recognizing at
once the pressing character of this mute invi-
tation, put down his head and dashed forward,
and the miserable man stepped aside and the
young woman, all unconscious Of the arrange
ments, received the awful shock without warn
ing, and passed over the tub, and the air for
an instant appeared to be full of slippers and
wet clothes and hot water and suds. And the
next minute that goat came flying out of the
door at a dreadful speed, bald the whole length
Of his spine, and with look in his eye. And
for an hour afterward he stood back of the
barn, scratching his chin, and trying to recall
all the circumstances in the unfortunate affair.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

Very little difference between a penknifs
and congressman. One has steel back and
the other "a back steel" that's all.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

An impoverished fop wears a ten-cent silver
piece on his shirt bosom, and calls it his dime
and pin, which it certainly is.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A Western editor recently rode sixty miles
on COW catcher, and failed to catch the cow,
after all
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
Bricklayin" and Plastering

TIE Undersigned respectfully informs lis friends Of
SMYRNA. and vicinity that he is prepared execute
all kinds Of work IN the above business in a work
maniike manner. Contracts taken. and all kinds of
mater furnished, if desired.
CHAS. RI. HENDERSON,
Residence, Delaware ST., first door ab. Commerce.
REFERENCE:
Edward Beck John A. Cavender
E.V. Cooper. fea2 G.V. & S. TayIer.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

He who reads no newspapers of any kind Ia
only spared of heaven that he may sit on
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
LGRNERAL NAruRE-No. 79.l

AN ACT to create of delivery La Crosse Wiscon-
sim and to provide for surveyor of customs tbereat.
Be enacted by the Senate and House Representatives
Of United States Of America assembled
La Crosse in the county OF LA Crosse ard Wisconsin,
be- and Is hereby, constituted port delivery within
collection district OF New Orleans: and there shall BE- appoint
ed OF customs iOr said shall
duties of such OcO and receive the
ceeding twelve hundred dollars per annum salary
Approved, March g. 1873
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
How happy could l be with either,
Were t'Other dear chaImer away !

In pronouncing judgment the judge dssented
entirely FROM the argument of the learned
counsel. Either, meant one of two, and did
not mean both Though occasionally, by
poets and some other writers, the word was
employed to signify both, it did not in this
case before the court"
We might present other instances of the in
veterate misuse of words, but content ourselves
with drawing attention to one of daily occur.
renee. We refer to the Yord none, which is
simply a contraction of 7'no one," or mot
one, and is accordingly to be used in applica-
tiol to only one thing. Instead, however, of
speaking of it in the singular, as "none is, or
mot one is, or mot one was," it is almost
constantly pluralized, writer's saying none
well say mo one were," which they would
hardly think of doing.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09

A Frenchman from county Kerry says tha
kerosene is useful, but he prefers the good old
lmmerald lie to any of them.
Smyrna times., 1873-07-09
"Fine pockets, large and wide,
Stood out from either side.

me misuse OF either is not new. The
error occurs several times in the authorized
version of the New Testament. Two instances
may be given. They crucifed him, and two
others with him. on either side one," st.
John, xix. Is. "On either side of the river
was there the tree of life" Rev., xxi. 3 1t
says little for the scholarship of the translators
that they should have perpetuated this abuse
Of our vernacular, and sanctioned an error so
lnveterate as to be now almost past correction.
Perhaps sound has had something to do with
the improper use of either" Consisting Of
two syilables, it may be considered to be more
fluent and elegant than the little word leach"
in which way sound is probably preferred to
sense. Fashion, however, cannot be permitted
TO alter the plain meaning of the English
language, and we are glad that, according to
newspaper report, the correct definition OF
either" was lately vindicated in suit in
Chancery. We give the matter briefly as it is
related. IA certain testatOr left property, the
disposition of which was affected by the death
OF either of two persons. One learned coun-
sci contended that the word either meant
both; in support of this view he quoted Rich
ardson, Webster, CHANGER, Dryden, Southey,
the history of the crucltixion, and passage
from Revelation. The learned judge suggested
that there was an old song in the Beggar S
Opera, known to all, which took the opposite
view