The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1873-04-25
A Wonderful Invention.

A Wonderful Invention.
From the Louisville Courier-Journal.
have invented q machine for the
purpose OF reducing the number Of ex-
change 6ends now in existence. As
many Of your exchanges know exchange
fends are persons Of great perseverance,,
who continually drop into the room
where exchanges OF a newspaper office
are kept. and wrestle with them under
the pretence OF searching for the Daily
San Francisco CruSher or the Waco
Weekly Bullwhncker, or some other sheet
they offer TO swear they cant find at
the news stands. These persons, rs If
their presence were not sufficiently har-
rowing, have a way OF sitting Tor at least
half an hour at time, and rafting the
papers 10 the exchange basket in q
manner evidently intended to exasper-
ate and confuse every one at work with.
in range of the noise. They do worse.
When one OF them is informed that the
paper wanted is not to be had, he in
varisbly says IAN old one will do just
as WE'LL" and bis brow dsrkens with
unmanly suspicion when he is told that
the paper he wants has positively been
carried out. These persons also make
tedious and unnecessary explanations,
consuming much valuable time and
wearing out the patience. They know
everything that's disagreeable, and
practice it persistently. All their faults,
il written OF here, would make this
thing too long.
The invention to which ] refer is
known as "Bogardus' Patent Irresistible
Com biuation Kicker, for the use OF
newspaper offices" and it is in every
respect superior to the buzz-ssw now
in use in some OF the Western News
paper establishments. 1t consists nsin-
ly Of Hrst, a large, stronsl sly-constructed
chair, in the bottom OF which are con-
cealed numerous remarkable springs Of
extraordinary power second, an i'm
mense boot, made OF q hard. unyieId-
ing substance, and connected, beneath
the floor, with the chair; third. 3 num-
Der OF strong rods and things connect
ing the whole with the steam engines
OF the establishment. The boot and
chair are also connected with power
lul hook. which is concealed in the
ceihsg.
As the unsuspectipg exchange fiend
approaches, he is requested TO be seated
10 the chair. which is placed close TO
the basket in which the exchanges are
kept. Just as he settles in the seat and
reaches for an exchange 9 member OF
the editorial staff suddenly jerks con.
venient knob; the powerful and WON
deriul springs OF the chair begin 10 toss
the fend in q most extraordinary man
ner; q portion OF the floor slides away,
and the immense boot swings into view,
making q kind Of crashing noise, as
though the building were falling. In q
few seconds more the remarkable
springs, true to their task, throw the
astonished fiend into position which
makes him face the door. The con-
cealed hook then drops from the cell
Ing and seizes him by the coat collar,
aud then the boot, with the rspidity OF
lightning. is put where it will do the
most good.
When the boot has gone rapidly back
and forth Tor about half q minute, the
machinery 10 stopped, the shattered
fiend is lowered TO . litter and carried
out, and for six weeks he languisbes
under the i'm OPPRESSION that be has been
assaulted from behind by the tutelary
demon OF the press. or some equally
exaspersted monster too hideous to de-
scribe. He never returns 70 the ex-
change basket.
The Patent Irresistible Kicker is
very effective, and has been known to
shatter one Of DR.. Hardiugs celebrated
interviewing cushions at one blow. |
anticipate q great demand for it as
soon ss its merits become known. The
specification of this patent is the spring
work of the chair, with the connecting
boot.
= J. C. BRAIfHuAIrR BoeARDUs