The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1873-01-11

tof the Falladium. /:
THE TARTs.
By JOHN JULEP.
The Tarts are q gunpowdery set.
Mr.. Timothy Troddle Tart, very re-
mote in great bundle of garments
on q wintry day, with clean, peak
ed chin and carrot-hued face, .
sparce growth of bristling white
hairs more neighborly to his poste-
rior neck than his ivory head, a pair
of blackish, beady eyes, and nose
that would have drawn clouds of
fruitrloving birds had it been nest
ling down in q patch among the ripe
strawberries, it favored,-Mr. Tim
othy Troddle Tart, husband to Mrs.
Tabitha Trundle Tart, very prim,
starch like piece of mortality, and
father of just eleven more little
Tarts than ono is pFoportionately
gunpowdery to his age IN the fami-
y, and is furthermore we'll dried and
easily touched of.
Mr.. Tart goes down town like an
bundle of castaway clothes, endow-
ed with voluntary power of move
ment,-Gke an unsacked rag bag, to
king itself off to the paper mill to
bargain for the sale Of its whole
like this, because Mr.. Tart, literally,
is within the heap, nothing being
visible, and then only on close scru-
tiny, but this beady eyes peeping
between his hat rim and high great
coat collar. For futher conviction
of which fact it is said herein that
he, on cold days,-or on any cold
occasion that he ventures into en-
velops himself in his entire invoice
of under and upper-wear, as though
the atmosphere viii actas an agency
through which his gunpowdery ma
ture win ignite and blow up, and aa
If, therefore, it is extremely neces
sary for him to keep his person from
the air. Moving, then, in this style
down the street Of his town, he shiei
at every thing and person-stepf
clear Of each passing man as though
he be malicious watch-goes a
round each woman as if she is q
wicked torch put on the thorough
fare for the express purpose o
touching him-eyes the sun, anc
steers wide of cigars. Never ex
poses to the world of chill that Jul
cy, red ripe proboscis-he will a
soon hold the fuse of q hundred
FOUNDER in the kitchen stove at hom,
as to do the like of this.
Mr.. Tart springs out Of bed il
the morning precisely at six, winte
and summer. In this respect he
q perfet sunrise gun. He jerks O.
his habiliments and runs his hand
through the space where his hal
once was, then darts to the adjoir
ing room to cunsult the clocl
whose hands tell him that he ha
been Just three minutes dressing
the time consumed every mornine
exactly, in this duty. He now en-
ters the kitchen and builds q fir
handling the lucifers very CAREFUL,
while Mrs Tabitha Trumdle Tart
screaming up-stairs and down-stair
and calling in all the rooms, for Il
little Tarts, to get up and Dress
Mr.. Tart having fixed and spatte
and rumbled over the kitchen stow
feels himself called upon to inspe
the various apartments of the hous
and he invaribly strikes somethir
that touches him off into commc
roar, which Just as unfailingly brin.
Mrs. Tart in, whose composition
one-third salt-petre, one-thn
sulphur, the other charcoal. 81
echoes in less laundering tones Il
roaring Of the head bulk Of gu
powder.
Together they fz at somebod
explode upon somebody, or thund
in the ears of whomsoever chanc
to approach.
Mrs. Tabitha sits at one end
the breakfast table to pour ont t
coffee. She sits stifly and stare
lily, and looks as though her skin "
! break If she bends one inch from b
perpendicular position. She is
uniform from head to foot as q fl
.. cracker, and If the little fuse OF
,, curl pending from her cranir
should smoke, and all at once b
gunpowdery ingredients 'shou
; shoot out Of the top of her head,
? hardly seems reasonable to suppe
that the younger Tarts win be b.
rified. She is q woman of lar
pride, yet stands not isolated in
family, for Mr.. Timothy Trodt
has q very extensive stock of
7 article; as well have all the your
! sters inherited . goodly amount.
The Tarts are selfish 40 well
gunpowdery. What is meant
"gunpowdery" it is to be hoped v
: be shown ere these lines are end,
: What selfish implies is left
I the intelligent and comprehens
d reader. MIR. Tart has his red har
, spread before him on the VIII
: cloth, while his bead eyes aim ste
, lily and unwinkingly down betwt
L the two rows Of Tarts, toward
wife; when he turns his formidia
. face to either row, those comp
- ing it duck their heads, shi
/ runs down the line, and the ent
It lot silently but eloquently sp
10 submission, as if the old gen
u mans mouth is q field-piece. Fl