The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1873-11-15
From the Sandwich Islands.

Whether the following letter is really the
production of his majesty King Bill Lunalilo,
or his Secretary of State, or Lord High Cham,
berlain or neither and is bogus, 1t comes TO
us BY regular mail from "Honolulu," via San
Francisco, paid AL" and bearing his ma
jesty's stamp. It comes directed to Ills
Highness p. Beemus, somewhere in the sub
urbs of Ottawa, Ill, L. S.-try Jimson Weed
Cottage" The conteats OF the letter are 50
important that we spread it before our read
ers without delay, and send two thousand eA
ira copies to Washington for circulation
among the heads of departments and mem
bers of congress:
Honolulu, OAHU, HAWAII PoE ANA,
September 10, 1873.
Dear Beemus-I am extremely sorry, my
dear boy, that my people here were so neon
siderate as to elect me King here instead OF
YOU; but YOU should not have allowed the
iron to enter your soul to such degree as 10
bias your mind to the dctrimcnt of the coun-
try
dertake such a stupendous sentence, | assure
| you. ,,;.od
You were quite insulting when you hinted
that some b. p. c. or C. NJ. st had a hand
| in this matter of reciprocity. We don't have
any dealings with "sich."
The solemn fact is that free trade is what
the world wants, and even an approach to 1t
in the way of reciprocity between our I'M
mensc country and your own, will DO great
deal to help us both. Wecan give you cheap
sugar, coffee, cocoa nuts and squld, ana you
can return the compliment in fresh Hour, Goa
n,1tt
you need any cats, I'm your man. | under
Stand that YOU are unsteady inclined. My
subjects are well supplied-three apiece all
around Now, just to show the people OF the
great United States what reciprocity with the
Islands will do, I propose to send over a
couple of thousand duty free. You can have
yo,lr senior meet them at San Francisco tas
he is out that way) and do the polite as FAR as
Ottawa. lie will have to lay in supply OF
Wharf rats before starting east) In return
for this favor l only require half pound
duty free of your choice UNISON seed
want to plant a hedge of 1t around my iepel
settlement to keep the friends OF the afflicted
from visiting them. or course, alter TINS IN
tcrchange of civilties between two such prom
'nent representatives of our respective couD
tries, no one will dare oppose the measure
We are too poor to hire congressman, so tina
lvOur hint is absolutely without foundation.
We don't deny that reciprocity would be {
good thing for us; but we think we offer yor
a valuable return when we give you Pear
4, River Harbor for a naval station.
Now don't start, and turn up those classica
nose in doubt for I'm going to state won
derful fact The Washington sharps h0uen'
u shad0u of hand in this matter for thu
simple reason that we are too small potatoes
for their notice
/ Beenus be charitable, and nobly forget TIT
injury I did you by accepting my throne
, when you was an applicant.
Come out and see mel want to see you
7 try calabash of poi and nice drink
b. ava. / had IA select lot Of toothless hays t
chew and prepare the latter. Bring out al
> your little Beemuses. They shall each AM
every one have q nice fish pole, cat and
l stick of sugar cane to occupy them while W
/ talk politics.
T., Don't forget the jimson, my boy
Hoping you will reciprocatc in short ordel
alOka dukoH pau tod. MING DILL"
Shack Pay Grabber.
!, 4Credit NJ. Sharp.