Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-09-04
BREVITIES.
THE Artists State-Pencil-vania.

PEOPLE who are not fond of soap are
generally fond of soporitics.
THE women horse-car conductors have
for their motto-fare to the fair.
No man can be a successful poet whose
liver is not diseased.-Dd,aburyN ea7S.
THE meanest of impostors-The man
who imposes his presence upon you.
AN agent of the fire-fiend has notified
Cincinnati that it will be her turn next
CooL mornings and evenings in Au-
gust presage what befel Albanian early
fall
THE greatest of bores-The man who
has nothing to do, and no means to do
that
ONE half of the world don't know how
the other half fve-and it is none OF their
| business.
A LOWELL lady is disguised with postal
cards, because there isn't room for a L. ).
on them.
WILD horses are abundant in southern
| Kansas, and several parties of hunters are
after them.
NEVER buy anything that you don't
want, and never want anything that you
can't buy.
IF all Brighams wives were to get
| 100000 alimony, it would take about all
mony he's got.
A CIRCUIT court-The boarding around
schoolmaster making love to "a new girl
every week.
THE earthquake which visited Dun
kirk, n. Y, shook the bottoms out of a
| large number of wells.
A DISCUSSION is going on in Connecti-
cut in regard to the moral right OF one
| church to sue another.
From Warren County, KY, is reported
a marriage between boy aged thirteen
and a girl aged eleven.
| LIFE is never so sweet and danger never
so insignificant as when we scent out a
new scientific principle.
| DRINKERS in this country can hardly be
| called heathens, but still the great idea
with them is jug-or-not.
THE Atlantic 81 Pacific Railroad are
| planting locust trees along their road, to
| be used hereafter for ties.
| UTAH has several thousand tons of
| wheat left over from last year, and is now
sending it to San Francisco.
A BALTIMORE duck swallowed a light
| ed fire-cracker, and shortly after felt de-
cidedly patriotic in its stomach.
A GROCER at Huntsville, Ala, found
the sweets of death by falling head-frst
into q hogshead full of molasses.
THE fact that Turkey is preparing" as
announced by recent dispatches, will be
hailed as subject for Thanksgiving,
A GREEN milk-ticket left in a pail of
milk at Brockport, n. Y, poisoned fam
lily of five persons. They will recover.
AN Indiana paper predicts that every
| stump-speaker this fall will have hay
| seed in his hair and wear blue overalls.
ONE pint of whisky, swallowed on a
wager, settled the accounts of Morris
Rochelle, an Antwerp Ohio shoemaker.
| A TEXAS paper speaks of lady at
| Dallas who has a bonnet worn by her
| great grandmother, two hundred years
| ago.
IT is all very we'll to say that "hand-
some is as handsome does" but a hand
some woman is handsome whatever she
does.
A MAN in Colorado has shipped hun
dred prairie dogs East, with the intention,
it is thought, of raising the animal for the
| market.
| THE Philadelphia North american fav-
| OTS the com DuStlOu Vi inc o1dl vi titlto
and the sale of the ashes for agricultural
purposes.
| A CLEVELAND youth had his hand taken
off in planning mill lately. He was to
have given it away in marriage next day,
| anyhow.
| A CINCINNATI brewers wife papered
| her trunk with costly keg revenue stamps
and the brewer is in jail for the way he
| took on about 1t.
ONE profession, says Punch, is safe
| from the invasion Of woman. She may
enter the army, but it is impossible that
she can man the navy.
AN Iowa farmer locked up his daugh-
| tcr's clothing so that she couldn't elOpe,
but she put on one of his suits, and Slip
ped out and was married.
| A FEMALE barber in Detroit handles
the brush and shears with great dexteri-
ty, and otherwise exhibits woman's efforts
| to razor self to indie pendence.
THE Chicago & Alton Railroad is about
| to Withdraw the palace car from that
road and substitute cheap lunch houses
along the line of the road therefor.
A CHICAGO editor once heard the words,
Sister, thou was mild and lovely" sung
| at InG 1unefal OF an Oltt lduy WHO Was
known to have been a perfect vixen.
"STEALING money is a serious business
out here" said a Colorado paper but
you can kill man, and all they ask is
| that you don't leave him in the way"
A NEWSPAPER says: "Without intend
ing to be personal, we feel bound to de
clare that if our postmaster would resign,
many timid persons would feel safe about
their money letters"
A GARDENER in England claims to
have discovered method of varying the
colors of flowers by means of chemical
applications to the earth in which they
| grow.
| Los ANGELES, Cal, has full grown
merino sheep that walks on four hind
legs and two forward ones, and wears
fleece weighing thirty or thirty five
pounds.
| BENJAMIN EXUM, of Franklin County,
| KY, has a beard of imposing dimensions
and is pledged not to harvest it until the
Southern Contederacy establishes its indie
pendence.
A IEXAN town was recently visited by
a clergyman for the first time in its his
tory, and the hospitable inhabitants pro-
posed getting up horse race for his en-
| tertainment
IT is stated that cultivation of pepper
mint in Wayne County, N. Y, is quite ex-
tensive this season. Every other crop is
=