Rapides gazette. (Alexandria, La.) 1869-187?, 1873-05-31
PARAGRAPHS.

PICTURES FOR THE MILLIoN--Dinner-
plates.
VIvIsEcTIoN-A'.wife cutting her hus-
band up.
SLIPPERY CUsroMER-Orange and ban
ana peel.
OFF CoLoR-The black republic of San
Domingo.
A WELL-KNOwN CLuB-HoUsE-The po-
lice station.
WHEN is charity like a bee2 When 1t
begins to hum.
IT should always be feesible to pay
your DOCTORS bill.
BARBAc says that the straightest line In
politics is curve.
THE article chiefly sold at our fancy
fairs-The visitor.
The Law OF JURIEs-Many are called.
but few are chosen.
Our West little colored children are
called charcoal sketches.
The way to treat a man of doubtful
credit Is to take q note of him.
WAITING for " something to turn up''
always costs more than it brings.
WALL STREET OBITUARY--He died in
debt and the hopes of financial resurrec-
ton. Ifl4 ~
THERE is wealthy old fellow in Pekin
whom the Americans there call a China
Astor. -. q ~ 2 : -
A BEAR in New Jersey has been called
on to take out license because it Is al
ways bruin.
Why is the French carom game of bill
Iiards like pawnbroker's shop? Because
1t has three balls.
JONES, who was kept awake all night
with the tooth-ache, says that he passed
night of mourning.
Isn't it inconsistent to speak of the
+" apple of your eye," when everybody
knows they're pair,
DETROIT, Minn., advertises for "a large
number Of manageable girls" New
England papers please copy.
EXCURSION parties are being orpanized
in San Francisco to visit the Fiji and
other islands in the South Pacific.
TIE ladies are wearing what Is known
as the snow ball veil. Ii is of black lace.
dotted with white, and Is very becoming.
JAMES says that his sweetheart Is like
melon because her "Old man" has locked
her up and she cantelope. This is melan-
choly. -
THE red flag is symbolical of revolu-
ton. Even the peaceful auctioneer filings
t to the May breeze while knocking down
Dur furniture. - - '2ss t
The latest verdict recorded was upon
gentleman who expired In flt of inebria-
ion. The jury returned: "Death by
langing-round grog-shop."
To harmonic discordant natures, and
'ut OF conflicting Municipalities to de-
'eiop. happy home, Is one of the great
st triumphs that woman can achieve.
CERKBRo-sPINAL-MENI Is q tough
vord for telegraph operators to get hold
4 on the wires. A Sioux City lightning
erker wrote IL out "Carabo Spencer's
THAT was an unhappy editor who wrote
hat " white pique costumes are now pop
lar, and was gravely informed by the
roof next morning that "white pine
offins are not popular"
Iris an unparalleled mercy to be pre-
erved from corruption In the midst of
eneral infection. 1t Is far better to be
lnocent than penitent; to prevent the
lalady than invent the remedy.
DEMoN0LoGY and witchcraft are regu-
rly studied, now, by servant women. A
dy says that her new parlor-maid often
rgets to lay the cloth, so absorbed is she
learning how to play the Evil One.
A GOOD REAsoN-Lucy: "Mamma.
harlie says he would like to be clergy
an? !" Mamma: "Tell me dear. whv
ou would like to bea clergyman?" Char
,: Why, then l could talk as much
l like in churchi'
SOME credulous person suggests as
'eventive OF bank defalcations, that can
dates for clerkships should have their
lads phrenologicaliy examined. Pshaw!
Is the accounts and not the noodles of
shiers, that should be examined.
The WAY Our OF IT.-Emmy: "Can
,u say your letters, Georgey?'' Geor-
": "Oh yes, Emmy-there is ADD
CT" Emmy: "Well, don't you know
~ more~ Georgey: "Oh, yes! L
low lots more; but 1 haven't got them
re, so can't show them to YOU"
AIRY NoTHNGs-A provincial contem-
'rary, that seems to be suffering from
rt Of journalistic bilious bachelordom
aris: "The latest feminine fashion of
caring the front hair Is known as the
ye terrier style" OF course the angels
rive their fashions from the skyes.
A FAMILY in Vermont, on resuming In
recourse with the external world after
e winters seclusion amid impcnetrablc
owdrifts. are Mortified to find that thew
we for several weeks been breaking the
'bbath In secular pursuits and keeping
onday holy instead.
A GERMAN Psychologist has discovered
at tobacco smoking by boys " interferes
!th the molecular changes coincident
lth development of tissues, and makes
e blood corpuscles oval, and irregular at
e edge" Any parent can thus ascer-
In u his boy smokes by merely taking
It handful of his blood corpuscles and
serving their edges.
a KANSAS district school was recently
sited and addressed by Messrs. Biz
outh, Powder Face, and Spotted Wolf
the noblest kind of noble red men. A
ischieyous school boy placed pin trap
mere Big Mouth sat down, and the chief
In was observed TO rise hastily and re-
ark: ugh! too much flea bite. Me
stay to hear class in analytical geolo-
A Missouri Judge lately delivered
l1Que death sQntpnca He said Tn the