The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1873-03-22
VARIETY.


duel between two 80 jackasperated individuals -
AwMr1SG.-A ST. Louis paper says: Half
a-dozen murdcrers are in this city, awaiting the
tedious formality Of acquittal."
As F.-Many persons write articles and send
them % editor to be corrected-as If an
editors Office a house Of correction.
ANOTHER EvrDENcE-A negro was overpaid
800 ON check by bank, and he returned the
money The local paper says this IN another
evidence that the race can never be civilized.
Nasby cannot be persuaded TO go to Washing
ton. lie thinks that contact with much
% Christian " Craftsmanship is more dangerous
than Conledrit Y Roads whisky.
AwAKExISG.-Slowly, but surely, the public
mind around here Is awakening to the truth Of
the fact that the gods help those who help them
selves.
Courting is not much INDUCED in in PowelI's
Valley irOm the fact that the old man Is liable
enter the room with preacher and shotgun
and get up wedding.
Nashville washerwoman, finding in a lot of
dirty clothes new-ashiOned shirt, opening at
the back, sewed it up, cut open the bosom and
sewed buttons To the intense disgust of her
customer.
One Of the results Of having a young medical
woman as city physician in Springfield, Mass. is
that young gentleman of that ilk has had him
few weeks.
UNHAPPY.-That was an unhappy editor who
wrote that - white piquc costumes are now pOpu-
lar" and grayely informed by the proof
next morning that - white pine collins are not
popular
NEED Nor BE.-American girls need not be
ashamed OF themselves long such advertise
ments this appear in the London Lancet ::
- Wanted-A respectable and responsible female
attendant for young lady addicted to intemper-
ance."
An Irishman who was prosecutor in a case at
law a little while back proceeding with his
evidence, when the judge stopped him and said
- Pruy do not speak 20 fast. / cannot take it
down Prosecutor replied, - ] can't help il,
my lOrd-I've got an impediment in my speech.
had Il since was born
4 poeticstl youth living near Yreka, a few days
ago, sent n note to his neighbOr's wife, inviting
her TO meet him meath the pale rays OF the Ger
man--IiveTy NOM. She dIdn { 20, but her hus-
band did, and the doctor thinks that barring the
luss OF his nose, one eye, and two three dozen
teeth, the young man will SOON be as well a. ever
An unintelIigent foreigner. who is quite unable
70 understand and appreciate American manners
writes home that - when great man dies in the
United States, the first thing done IL TO propose
fine statue IN his honor; next, To forget tO order
any statue. and last, To wonder what became Of
the money
SPOILED Hrs CHANCEs.-An Indiana polls man
took hIs hoy up stairs to whip hun, as requested
by his step-nOther, but his tender feelings pre-
vailed, and he told the urchin to take his coat
of, hang II up. and yell Justify while il was
whipped The boy Obeyed orders but spoiled his
chances for future similar cemency by telling his
experience 10 the whole neighbOrhJOd.
HIS SrYLE-It is related that New Hamp-
shire minister recently portrayed the history of
Irer he fvf. 4
Jonah passing along the road to Ninevah / zeem
% see him entering tine ticket office, buy his
ticket and pay for IL / seem to see him walk
upon the vessel; seem to see them lift their an
ehor and the stately snip move grandly out upon
the broad Atlantic"
COSCLUsTvE PROOF.-A gentleman Of Waupaca
WI-cOnsIn, heard il intimatcd on the street the
other day that he was hen-peeked. He went
home and thrashed his wife, tore up two OF three
Ot her best dresses, opened all the doors and win
dJws IN the house, and sat down IN the parlOr
with hIs feet on the centre table among a cOllec-
tion Of choice books and smoked his pipe He
thinks the world is convinced now that he is boss
Of that ranch.
Az IRISH BLUNDER.-One Sunday lately, IN the
middle Of Ireland, while service was going on in
the Catholic church, three ladies entered the
building to take refuge from sudden storm.
The priest knowing the ladies personally whis-
pered TO the sacTistan 80 Three chairs for the
Protestant ladies' The sacristan Immediately
stepped up to the congregation and bade them
give three cheers for the Protestant ladies' which
they did in good style. The confusion and vexa-
tiOn OF the poor priest may be imagined, not de-
scribed-
PREJUDIcED.-A Brooklyn gentleman a few
days since consented to give weeks lodging to
any clergyman who might be sent him by the
Young Mems Christian Association. He was
shout leaving the city for few days, and. call
ing his wife. saif My dear, expect a clergy
man here tO-TN TrOw. / don't know what he II
be: but you can easily ascertain. If he's an
EpIscOpalIan. put bottle Of rum and q prayer
book in his room if a Presbyterian, put a Bible
and a pitcher Of ice water; but If he's a MethO-
dist. lock Up your drawers and telegraph me i'm
medately-"
KINDLY REMNBRANCE--The editor Of a coun-
try Journal in the - far West" lately brought
out the following the leading editorial of the
paper:
:. We are the recipient of half peck Of nice
onions, two watermelOns and a bottle of ginger
beer frrm OF subscribers. The gifts were
like the shadow OF a rOck in a weary land. We
are glad some remembered the midst of
our abOrs and cares, and evInced that remem-
brance in 20 delicate a manner. We dJte on
onions and love mellns dearly; and so long as
the fragrance Of the former and the gripes of the
latter linger about us, shall hold the kind
dJnJr in afectiJnate remembrance. OF ginger
beer we have never been able % speak enthusi-
astieally, bat may say that our children enjoyed
il greatly; while the empty bottle added not