The New York herald., 1873-09-09
MARRIED OR NOT MARRIED.
The Operations Of the Beautiful Bellies
and Heart-Stricken Cavaliers.
SOME REFLECTIONS THEREON.
Young Men Of $1,000 q Year, Beware! Be.
ware!...She's FOOling Thee
THE AVERAGE YOUNG LADY.

GREENPORT, L. l., Sept. g. 1873.
II that big fire which Methodist parsons say Is
about to consume the world, because the worid is
sinful, should leave Greenport standing alone on
the surface OF the earth as sort OF Noahs ark
confess l would readily become an inhabitant Ior
.the seasou.-not otherwise. The world is very
large and lie is very short; hence have my choice
of localities and sreenport is far from being at the
head of the list. do not aver that Greenport IL
not lively place; it Is There are several hotels
In the place; several yachts generally In port;
still bathing, boating, fishing and nirtng. 1tre-
minds me of some OF those Norman watering places
80 admirably described by Mr.. Grenville Murray,
where the spectacle is made up OF
A MAN AND A WOMAN.
This is all there Is to the place-the man and the
wOman-and there are some very persistent and
gay OF the former, as there are some very gushing
and saccharine OF the latter. We have the usual
number of marriageabe damsels-beautiful
ana poor-and plenty Of would-be-married rakes
who, If not beautiful are rich. OF course these
two classes OF humanity readily coalesce, ana
have no doubt they have been inaugurating
business which will ere many months prove profit
able to the clergyman and undertaken. Now let
me introduce the reader to Miss Smith. Miss
Smith is OF Brooklyn. Nearly all the young ladies
who come down to this end of the island are from
Brooklyn and, being from Brooklyn she is of course
handsome.
MISS SMITH
take as type She is pretty as q peach-a but
her mouth, and that has suffered enlargement,
fear, from too habitual use OF the tongue. i
wonder often at the perpetual voubility OF the
Brooklyn young ladies. l cannot account for it;
but perhaps have never been an accurate student
OF history Well, charming Miss Smith soon finds
out there is stranger in the house-an0ther gen.
tleman has arrived She goes up stairs runs her
powder oa oow over the bridge her her
lips for color, plnches her cheeks for
crimson loosens her corsots for sighs, and select
ing her largest ian, bOunces down stairs and APP
pears on the porch. She is sweet-ooking, l am
Wiling to admit, and her wicked glances repulse
no man. Mr.. Jones' an acquaintance, Is near at
hand and, coming up to you, SAYS
why, my dear fellow you nereI The & last one one
in the world dreamed OF seeing. Come right
along, III introduce you to Miss Smith-prertiest
girl IN the house. BY Jove, she's crusner"
RoBNsoN-Dont care II DO;
lowers her enormous fan.
''Mss smith, permit me to introduce an old
friend, Mr.. Robinson-a charming gentleman"
RoBINsON-I am happy to make your acquaint-
MISS Smith bows and shows her pretty teeth
'Are You going to stay long In Greenport, Mr..
sHREwp MAN OF THE WORLD
that Robinson is he knows that this leading query
means the direst OF calamities, being courted by
young girl "wlth view to matrimony," so he I'm
mediately answers, "Am going tomorrow" Miss
Smith not only bites her lip at this outrageous
rejOinder but also bites her IAN Robinson gets of
some OF ms old speeches about show sad it is to
part just ieels that ne has met somebody who
Miss Smith and Mr.. Robinson, leaving Jones in the
lurch, retre arm-in-arm to an uhoccuped corner OF
the balcony. They to be friends, and therefore
cOn1dential. Miss smith informs Robinson in
Whispers and tells MIN that he must not tel 'that
cannot 20 with more than one young lady at a
time; If you do you Will be dropped by ALL
aha s eoa s es 30
readily become her GDidncee
1t IS now the morrow. Miss Smith has to catch
other fish in her net poor Robinson, having
wandered away, and having erred and strayed,
ike lost sheep, makes other acquaintances and
embellshes his old comnonpaces for some fresh
brooklyn beauty. In turn she becomes alien,
and thus he goes through the whole gamnt until
he has done "the pretty" to ALL and then be is in
condition to compare notes and say, "Eurekal" If
that can mean 81 have found her"
Oitentimes Robinson comes back to Miss Smith,
because, having left her. she gives him bad re pu
tation, which Is sort Of barricade against the af
fections OF the other ladies'.
Sometimes Robinson does-better. and manages
to monopolize some fresh young lady who has just
anghted from the train. Then he is in clover
THE FATE OF THE STRANGER
on arriving here, II he be unmarried, and II he be
married be will find plenty OF appreciation. 1 am
aware in saying this that ! am writing up the
place, not writing y down. and should not won won
bring cargo Of wife hunters and husbands search
ing for single blessedness in quantity and quality
little dreamed OF In my philosophy.
confess somewhat to be student Of people in
the concrete, and since have been here have in
dulged in social studies as far as compatible with
leisure. This husband-wfe business generally so
thriving at the retreats, has engaged my passing
embarrassed with the care OF a marriageable
daughter but also for the benefit OF the salaried
man OF say $4,000 year, VIII recapitulate lew
THE AVERAGE YOUNG LADY,
and hope every one OF those charming ladies whom
Ihave had the pleasure Of meeting while here will
assert themselves above the average is neither a
spinster nor coy sweet sixteen; sne Knows VS., some
II she does not, she dances enough to make you
think she does. Her small talk is limited-slang
beng preferred to harmless badinage, and on
robuster topics she is SILENT She IS pretty, ami
mated, amiable, as fond OF admiration and brass
buttons an Irishman is OF potatoes or a French
man OF red wine. She is always ready to la in
love and then fall out again, and
TIE YOUNG MAN WITH TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS
only needs little assiduity to call her his own.
tice. He anects small Yachting, wears blue shirt
once or twice week, which he takes care to
button wih diamond studs, real or not, and wlthal
young lady In the market Is convinced that he is
the coming man, and tells Lucy so and Lucy puts
on her neatest smile, her most spotless linen, her
best bootees and poses while playing croguet or
gggling on the piazza. Esteem-nothing more
follows acquaintance and "spoonng,u after having
its day, is succeeded by imaginary love, which,
followed up TO the third act is marriage; and tins
10 cast sorrow over unions spontaneously
formed these are at the watering places If were
almost always breed misery and disappointment
and that the clergyman is but the Iorerunner of a
divorce suit or an undertaken. The business III
detail and summation is
THOROUGHLY SELFISH
and ARTIFICIAL Inc parents not tne young lady,
are onenest to blame: they teach her to practice
her wes and arts. The youth, VINO has studied
the fluctuations OF gold more than ne has the
vacIllations OF the human heart, is ready victim,
and two young people are soon welded to eacn
Crher for life TO discover after few months, that
i is happier to die than to live. offer these com.
ments because l see about me all these baneiul
anttsocial processes in full operation. IL Is not
at Greenport alone that the scenes describe take
place, but they constitute the feature OF the
American summer retreat. The American young
lady leaves home lull OF the object OF her mater.
naliy taught liie--to be marIed-and she initiates
that movement If she eau.
The NEW CHEESE AND BUTTER EXCHANGE.