Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1873-10-02
PHUNNYGRAMS.

The Home Circuit-Walk1ng about
with baby in the night.
An Eastern man said he could tell
water when he saw tit looked so much
like gin.
Very few horses eat cOrned beef, but
we saw one standing the other day before
a store with bit in his mouth
At Coroner's inquest a witness was
asked: What was the last thing seen
by the deceased?' "Kerosene," was the
reply.
"A practical argument. maria, have
YOU given the fishes any fresh waters,
No, sir. What's the use? They haven't
drunk up what's in there yet"
"A Detroit woman sues for divorce
because her husband insists upon sleep
ing with his feet upon the pilloF SO that
he can tickle her feet when She SHORES.
Ven some man slaps me on der Shout
der, und say, II vas glad to hear YOU vas
so WE'LL" ind den stick pehind my pack
his fingers to his nose, | hat my opinion
of dot Teller
A clergyman recently asked girl
concerning her intended: as he, in his
conversation and carriage, consistent
Christian?" She replied: "In his con
versation he is very pious, but l never
saw him in his carriage"
"A few mornings ago, says Kentucky
rural paper, we meekly approached an
emigrant wagon and inquired of its aus
tere proprietor, whittier bound? 2" Me
lord removed his quid to the larboard side
of his mouth and coolly remarked !:
s'None of your business" And it wasn't
either.
-'Unless you give me aid" said beg
gar to benevolent lady, 81 am afraid |
shall have to resort to something which /
greatly dislike to do" The lady handed
him dollar, and compassionately asked,
What is it, poor man, that have saved
you from % Work" was the mournful
answer.
A farmer lost gimlet in the woods
near Monticello, Mimi, three years ago,
and the other day cut down an iron-wood
tree, fast in the forks of which he found
not a gimlet but a three-quarter inch
auger! He is sorry he didn't wait year
or two longer, as a two-inch augur was
| Just what he wanted.
A certain near-sighted lady could
never be induced to admit the fact but
persisted in declaring that her sight was
| excellent. One day waggish neighbor
stuck needle in the side of barn, and
placing her on the other side of the road
asked her if she could see it. ooh, yes
she replied, looking in the direction indi-
Gated "but where's the barn?''
"A Detroit man who wanted a wife
fright away" got one by advertising.
Two days after the wedding ceremony he
was observed to be walking fright away"
| from his home, and the neighbors who
saw him say that his left ear was set back
| about two inches, and that he had no hair
to speak of on the top Of his head.
flames Jenkins" said a schoolmaster
! to his pupil, what is an averages" "a
thing, sir" replied the scholar, promptly
that hens lay eggs on" "Why do you
say that, you silly boy?" replied the peda-
gogue because SIR" said the youth,
Il heard gentleman say the other day
that a hen would lay, on an average, 100
eggs year,
"A minister had negro in his family
One Sunday, when he was preaching, he
happened to look in the pew where the
negro was, and could hardly contain him
self as he saw the negro, who could not
read or write word, scribbling away
most industriously. After meeting he
said to the negro: tom, what were you
doing in church," taking notes, massa :;
all de gemmen takes notes" Bring
YOUR notes here and let me see them"
| Tom brought his notes, which looked
more like Chinese than English. why,
Tom. this is all nonsense" q thought
so, massa, all the time you was preaching