River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1873-12-16
All Sorts Of Paragraphs,

Four members Of Louisiana fam
lily have been hung for different nur-
ders.
Mrs. ANDREWS, of Vermont, said she
"didn't care darn whether dinner
suited her husband or not" and JUS
tice fined her seven dollars.
A HARTFORD insurance company has
taken a risk of $3.50 on woman's
wooden leg. 1t is a fire insurance
company.
A TURKEY being baked at a Cincin.
natl hotel the other day, exploded and
scalded the cooks face SO that he will
be ugly for life.
The Andrew Johnson who recently
received a patent for combination
plane was not the ex-President after all,
but an individual of the same name
hailing from San Francisco.
The orange crop of Florida promises
to be large the coming season Re-
ports from the river country speak of
the prospect as unusually good. Early
grown fruit is already coming in.
A DENVER minister was marrying a
couple when dog fight interfered, and
the bride called out: "Drive ahead
the yaller pup has him by the fore
paw"
PARoDI, the once famous singer, is
reported to be living in Milan, IN COM
Portable maidenhood, on the proceeds
of her lyric earnings in the United
States.
ADRAMATIC critic out West announces
that certain star will "hunt stamps"
commencing Nov. 3, "and show our
benighted citizens how Shakespeare
ought to be slung."
CERTAIN cure for corpulence-Eat
and drink as much as ever you possibly
can of all sorts of things without any
restriction whatsoever, except only that
they are perfectly insipid, or else I'M
savory.
A PHRENoLoGIsT told a man that he
had combativeness very largely devel-
oped, and was of a quarrelsome dispo.
sltion. " That isn't 50, said the man,
angrily, "aad if you repeat 1T will
knock you down"
LAST August man was killed by the
cars at Kokomo Junction, Ind. A few
evenings ago his brother was killed by
/ uho pdLuc tIdiu, Iile bulue engineer
running it, at the same hour and same
place.
The town records of New Castle, N.
H., which for some unexplained reason
have been for number of years in the
possession of a private gentleman of
Cheshurst, England, have been re-
turned to the local authorities.
A MOST EXCELLENT artisan in Buffalo
had Rigu, "Adam Good, brass
founder" A countryman coming to
market thought is very strange sign
An impious sign-for he read il, GA
dam. good brass-founder." Singularly
enough his wife was named Eve.
WE'LL, Mr.. -, how do you feel 4"
said friend to a defeated candidate
few days after election. "I feel, /
suppose he replied, "as Lazarus
dad" How was that "Why,"
said he, Lazarus was licked by the
dogs, and so am l."
MANY time-honored maxims are now
| found to be untrue. The spinsters of
Massachusetts, pretend to have discov-
cred the falsity of that one which says
that man proposes.
The poet of the Boston Globe says
How doth the mighty eagle squirm,
And squcal aud squirm agin,
And look, the while, to Spanish eyes,
No bigger than wren.
A GENTLEMAN who rather suspected
some one was peekIng through the
keyhole of his Office door, investigated
with syringe full of pepperssuce, and
went home TO find his wife had been
cutting wood and chip had hit her in
the eye'
The waters of the upper Hudson are
to be stocked with number of Saora-
mento salmon. Seth Green has $50.
600 on hand, and The has been instructed
to dispose of a portion of them for the
above purpose by Commissioner
Baird, of the United States Fishery
Commission
A oobORED preacher, in translatinp
TO his hearers the following sentence.
" The harvest is over, the season is
ended, and thy soul is not saved" mt
II; DE corn has been cribbed, dere
amt any more work, aud the debbil is
still foolin' Wild dis community"
Az attorney in an important suit be.
fore the common pleas court after fin
/ tnHAh6 ibhB "iBumtht w tne Jury
turned TO an acquaintance and said, in
an exhausted tone: There, I've
spoken eight hours :" Tie man al.
dressed unkindly retorted, Yes, you've
talked longer, but said less than any
man ever heard
SASTIAGo, Chill, has been holding a
successful Exposition" which in.
cluded, among other attractions. n
Cannibal Indian Of Terra del Fueeo,
called Jose, who was captured about
two months ago by the Governor of
the Magellan Colony on board OF
schooner whose captain mate. and
three sailors were eaten by the said
Fuegiau, and two others who we're
killed during the combat that took
I place 10 effect their capture.