Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1873-06-17

4
question is, how long / can contin-
ne to do so. ! feel that it is grow
ing upon me. / feel my power of
resistance becoming weaker and
weaker-the craving for blood get
ting stronger and stronger. l am
like man who has slipped over q
precipice, and feels the earth and
shrubs to which he clings, slowly,
slowly, surely, giving way with
him. / have brought wretched
ours out in the street, and killed
them in my frenzy, in the hope to
exhaust it on them. 1t is no use.
l must have human life
"Any human life z" ! inquired,
cor some one in particular T.
"Why do you ask this, Doctor 2
he cried, getting suddenly excited.
"No matter; go on,
"Sometimes,' he resumed, lit
seems that any life would do; and
sometimes-Doctor, four days be-
fore l saw You / met upon q New
Jersey ferry boat q young girl. So
pretty, so refined and nice! | fol-
lowed her to her home-the devil,
that has taken possession OF me,
led me. She went in, and soon
came ont again into her little gar
den, and tended to howers--poor
child Doctor, If ! had a pistol
with me, / should have shot her.
You may smile; but some day soon
l shall take a pistol on purpose, and
shoot her.
at was clearly no use arguing
with him. The best way with such
people is to admit their facts and to
work round them.
"Then," said /, "the only thing
you can DO is to submit to the re-
striction of an asylum till this feel
ing has passed.
"'It will not pass. If | were to
go to a madhouse l should sham
sane. Sooner or later their vigil
lance over me would be relaxed.
Then | should murder my keeper,
and go straight for the innocent
girl
"Then leave the country"
"'Well, that would save her I;
but, Doctor, one life is as-dear to
its holder as another. If / don't
kill her, l shall kill some one else.
"My dear fellow" l replied in as
light a tone as | could assume,
'these fancies are curablc. Put
yourself under skilled medical
treatment. You arc all to bits,
physically. Get sound in body, and
you'll get all right in your mind"
"FOn the contrary, | am all to
bits, as you say, mentally, and my
body suffers through any mind.
Medical treatment! | consulted
every practitioner of note here and
in Europe. Some think / am fool
ing them, some look wise, and talk
as you do about "treatment.' All
have failed. Doctors are no use to
me-
"Then may / ask why you come
here p
"'To ask your advice as q friend,
he answered, drawing his chair
nearer to me, 'and,' lowering his
voice, 'to ask you one question as a
friend and God-fcaring man, and
to which ! pray you to give me a
plain yes or no.
"Go on"
"'Feeling as 1 feel, shall | be JUS
tilted before God in taking my own
life 4? VIII it be deadly sin for me
to do for myself what would do to
a mad dog
81 repeat his words almost as he
spoke them. | cannot give you the
faintest idea of the solemn deliber-
alton with which he put this awful
question. For some moments /
could not say o word. Then | start
ed up and told him thst ! would
not answer him yes or no--thst it
was not fair to ask me to take such
a responsibility. Then he rose too,
and said that he must resolve it for
himself, and l saw plainly which
way it would go. "Give me till to-
morrow TO think it out l said, de-
tanning him
Tomorrow may be too late,'
he replied. The fit may come up
on me tonight for all / know
"Come home with me; I'm not
afraid. You won't hurt me-"
"I would try very hard not to
do so-but-I know myself. lean
not trust myself. Don't you trust
me-
81 ciH trust you; but I'll do
more. You arc not armed, ] sup
pose 2"
"'No.' Ire replied with a shudder,
mot now
"l'll take care that you shall not
be, and I'll carry my Der1inger in
my pocket. On the first indication
of homicidal mania | give you my
word I'll shoot--and l shoot
straight" | said this to satisfy him.
poor fellow ! In his weak state |
could have laid him down like a
child. 1t did satisfy him, and we
went home together. l led him to
talk of our old soldering days, and
gradually got him back to his
wound. / made him describe the
first sensations of pain in his head,
and repeat all that his different
medical adviser had said. hap
pened TO have a strong preraration